# i can feel everyone staring at me while in public



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i hate this. i feel like everyones eyes are on me where ever i am. i can feel them all staring at me and thinking "god she looks so ugly/awkward/stupid". sometimes i hear some people laughing or joking around and my immediate thought is that they are laughing at me.
i constantly feel like hiding. it's such a relief to get home and get in my room where i feel safest.

a lot of it has to do with feeling like i'm the ugliest person ever.. no exaggeration. i try so hard to look my best.. i spend so much time in the mirror all day, it takes so long to chose the right outfit, to get my make-up looking 'okay' (it still doesn't look good), and just when i think i look 'acceptable' and not ugly enough to be gawked at, i leave my house and catch my face in reflection or i imagine what i look like, and i am reminded of just how hideous i look, and that make-up won't do anything to make me look better, and i just feel ****ing horrible. i hate this so much. i am so ****ing ugly, and it's not just my perception, i know everyone else notices it. 


anyone else feel this way? :cry :sigh


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you're paranoid that people are watching you, you start acting weird, which causes people to stare at you.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I don't know. I still catch people looking at me all the time. I've been wondering lately, mabey its just people doing their "people watching." I think a lot of people do this. They go somewhere and just look at everybody. I think if you are paranoid like we are, you tend to think everyone is looking at you. But really, I think almost everybody looks at other people but because we are paranoid we look for it more and make more out of it than it really is.

I think we need to *try* to not focus on it so much. But its hard!


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

I’m a young black male who lives in a predominantly white, middle class, mostly old people community, so people do stare at me. Mostly it’s with curiosity not malice, so it doesn’t bother me too much. It would probably cause me a lot more anxiety if I lived in a community with younger people because I care more about what my peers think of me than my elders.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I don't tend to concentrate too much on if people are looking at me, but I've noticed that people seem to stare at me no matter what. Even my family has pointed that out. Are we all paranoid or what 

Lol I wish I wasn't fugly. I hate when someone glances at me then I see them smirking or laughing or something.


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## trey (Nov 26, 2007)

I feel the same as most of you have described.

I'm quite short (5'3.5") so wherever I go I see people taking second glances. Also, because my face looks young, almost everyone I meet pegs me for about 7-8 years younger than I actually am. 

I am constantly told that having a young face is a good thing, because when I'm older I'll still look young... but when my appearance is causing so much grief for me in social situations, there's really no comfort in the knowledge that 20 years from now I wont look 44.

I'm frequently talked down to, or asked questions like if I am getting to miss school to be at the appointment. Most people assume I'm a teenager so they don't give me the same respect they would an adult, and with the height it feels like I'm more of a spectacle than anything. 

I don't believe it's all in my head as there have been numerous studies which have shown society's view of short men. Guys are expected to be tall, that's just how things are. It's not a failing when someone is short, but society seems to treat it that way.

I can remember going to a professional hockey game over 5 years ago and seeing a rather short referee on the ice with 2 others, who were of average height. Even being short myself, what instantly went through my mind is "Wow that guy is short, he looks ridiculous out there with them. Like a miniature man." Then I realized that's how I must look to other people :con


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## bunnie (Oct 15, 2007)

I always feel like I'm being stared at as well. Today at the grocery store, I heard a lady laughing as soon as I finished checking out. It just felt like it was directed at me, y'know? Then I took the bus home and as I walking down my block I heard some young highschool age boys heckling me. It happens all the time; everyone just assumes I am 16 when in fact I am 25!!! People can be really ignorent/mean/stupid. I feel that because I look young/timid/awkward, I am a magnet for street hecklers, perverts and just being disrespected in general. :sigh


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## Sanz (Nov 19, 2007)

nothingtofear, I know what you mean when you say that you hear people laughing in public and you think that they are laughing at you. I feel like this also. But you have to realize, as I have, that this is an irrational thought. There is a very small chance that strangers in public are laughing at you. Everyone with SA feels like this sometimes and you have to recognize that this fear is unrealistic, its all in our minds. We still have to deal with it but knowing this can help somewhat.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I deal with the looking young thing too. Everyone assumes I am still in high school and I don't like being treated like a little kid who knows nothing, especially when I've always been very wise for my age.


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## ainokea (Nov 28, 2007)

everyone else is so wrapped up in their own heads that they don't notice you at all nor do they care.

i used to think it was hard for ugly girls and i felt sorry for them, i am a guy. and lets be honest if a girl doest look good thats going to be the first thing that diss-qualifiers her in guys books, at least for me and most males.

but then i realized if you are ugly its your own fault. i read on a blog "'there's no ugly women, just lazy ones" and saw this extreme makeover http://www.sonnyradio.com/nouglywomen.htm .

if your an ugly guy well were lucky because looks are irrelevant.

the only thing that gets me is sometimes i feel fat. i KNOW this is irrational. i have 8% bodyfat and exercise like a mofo and am ripped. but i just feel like i have a pot belly and it irritates me. i logicaly know i dont, i logically know no one especially not girls notice or care about this. when i am in the moment talking to people this goes away but it comes up sometime during the day.

i used to be bellemic and just cant seem to shake this feeling. any suggestions?


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Hey I agree with you somewhat Alex. A lot of people look very average or pretty much like **** without at least a little fixing up and a little makeup. It does take a little effort. I'm sure only like 2 percent of the world is beautiful on the outside just how they wake up in the morning. 

For instance, I saw a pic of Christina Aguilera the other day without makeup. It was pretty bad. I still think she wears too much makeup but the point is, she doesn't look nice without any at all either.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

ainokea said:


> everyone else is so wrapped up in their own heads that they don't notice you at all nor do they care.
> 
> i used to think it was hard for ugly girls and i felt sorry for them, i am a guy. and lets be honest if a girl doest look good thats going to be the first thing that diss-qualifiers her in guys books, at least for me and most males.
> 
> ...


all the women in the "before" photos have a very natural beauty. the only thing about them that may be "unattractive" is that their skin is uneven, or it looks like they have just woken up.. which is normal, but maybe a bit of foundation would make it look a bit better, but would still keep it looking natural. 
i think they look less attractive in the after photos - way too much make-up, fake tan.. way over done, they look completely fake and i find that is very ugly. in the before photos it looks like a more natural beauty from the inside is showing through, they have more personality, while in the second they just look completely artificial, like cloned barbie dolls.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Yeah too much makeup and fakery is worse than no makeup or fixing up at all.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

> For instance, I saw a pic of Christina Aguilera the other day without makeup. It was pretty bad. I still think she wears too much makeup but the point is, she doesn't look nice without any at all either


ouch! hope she doesn't read these boards, she might be hurt a little by that. :afr


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I have to laugh thinking of her reading these boards. She has enough confidence to go around for everyone here in the SA community to share.

If you are reading this Christina, please forgive me for making such a rude comment.


Embers, I'm very flattered that I'm the only one you'll ever want to bake cookies with. Right back at ya. You are the one and only.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

yeh, thats why I said she "_might_ be hurt a _little_"

:stu

where's the sarcasm smiley when you need it?


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I knew you were being sarcastic, so was I.  

:kiss

I was just making a joke out of it.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

Now turn that frown upside down...you're usually so chipper. Did something bad happen?


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Feeling depressed. I'll fill you in later. I'm going to go for a drive now.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

You got me thinking now coco. Christina isn't a true beauty like you say, but her voice is extraordinary so thats probably what puts her in the public eye. But like any average looking gal, she probably knows deep down she's not anything special, and spends countless hours in the mirror trying to get the makeup just right...to convince herself and the rest of the world otherwise. :b


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

but cheer up during your drive...don't get lost.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

sliimshaydi said:


> Bottom line is, the only way to solve the problem is to stop thinking people are staring. But how does one go about doing that? That's where the problem is.


I think the key is to stop caring even if they actually are looking at you. If you can manage to do that then that attitude will likely lead to people perceiving you as more 'normal' and not staring at all, if their reason for staring is abnormal behaviour. And if it isn't, then you won't care anyway 

Yeah, easier said than done, but i think it is possible. I used to feel like everyone was staring at me, but not anymore, aside from occasional incidents where i freak out for whatever reason. I guess i just worked on my self esteem and confidence and managed to convince myself that it was just my awkward behaviour and paranoia causing it to happen, and that even if people were looking it doesn't mean that i'm abnormal or inferior.

I also have some issues with the way that i look, but i just try to focus on the fact that appearance isn't everything and you can't judge your entire self-worth based on that alone.



CoconutHolder said:


> I deal with the looking young thing too. Everyone assumes I am still in high school and I don't like being treated like a little kid who knows nothing, especially when I've always been very wise for my age.


I get that as well. It's rare that anyone manages to correctly guess my age, and although it doesn't happen with everyone i definately feel that some of the people i work with give me less respect than they give others due to me looking so young. I mean i am still fairly young, but i'm not a kid. It doesn't bother me so much these days though, i just try to ignore the way they act and do the same as i always do, and hope that their attitude will change when i prove their misconceptions to be wrong.



nothing_to_fear said:


> i think they look less attractive in the after photos - way too much make-up, fake tan.. way over done, they look completely fake and i find that is very ugly. in the before photos it looks like a more natural beauty from the inside is showing through, they have more personality, while in the second they just look completely artificial, like cloned barbie dolls.


Me too. Sure, a little make up is good, but that's just going way over the top.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

embers said:


> You got me thinking now coco. Christina isn't a true beauty like you say, but her voice is extraordinary so thats probably what puts her in the public eye. But like any average looking gal, she probably knows deep down she's not anything special, and spends countless hours in the mirror trying to get the makeup just right...to convince herself and the rest of the world otherwise. :b


You are probably right, Embers. I would think to put on that much makeup you are trying to cover something up that you somehow you don't feel you are good enough the way you are.

I do feel badly for making that comment. I have to watch that kind of stuff.


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## back2basics (Apr 17, 2007)

Christina's pretty.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I have to agree and I retract my statement. The picture I saw was a photoshopped picture so it wasn't really her, I'm sure that is why it looked so bad.

Sorry for that comment. She really is a pretty girl. She does look better with less makeup though, in my opinion.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

She's mall pretty, not superstar hot.


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## saysomething (Oct 24, 2007)

I use to think people would gawk at me in public for my uglyness, but when I actually started talking to people, like coworkers etc..they generally said that my initial personality came off really cold and unfriendly. I'm guessing this is because I'm so uncomfortable around new people. I got asked out a few times after I talked a little more, so I'm guessing my personality is what really makes people take notice first, the extreme shyness. People always think shy people are slightly weird for whatever reason.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

nothing_to_fear said:


> i hate this. i feel like everyones eyes are on me where ever i am. i can feel them all staring at me and thinking "god she looks so ugly/awkward/stupid". sometimes i hear some people laughing or joking around and my immediate thought is that they are laughing at me.
> i constantly feel like hiding. it's such a relief to get home and get in my room where i feel safest.
> 
> a lot of it has to do with feeling like i'm the ugliest person ever.. no exaggeration. i try so hard to look my best.. i spend so much time in the mirror all day, it takes so long to chose the right outfit, to get my make-up looking 'okay' (it still doesn't look good), and just when i think i look 'acceptable' and not ugly enough to be gawked at, i leave my house and catch my face in reflection or i imagine what i look like, and i am reminded of just how hideous i look, and that make-up won't do anything to make me look better, and i just feel ****ing horrible. i hate this so much. i am so ****ing ugly, and it's not just my perception, i know everyone else notices it.
> ...


You've just described how I feel in every way. I often hear people laughing and I assume that it's aimed at me. If someone mumbles around me, I assume they're making fun of me. Even if someone does something nice for me (e.g., holds a door open) and says something that I can't decipher, I assume that it was something critical about me. (One day some guy held a door open for me, and after I thanked him he made a comment that I couldn't quite make out, so I kept replaying it my mind until it seemed like he said, "It wasn't for you.") I always feel like people are staring at me or watching me, even when no one is around. Every time I go into the lab at my school, I feel like someone is watching me from behind the two-way mirror, making fun of me. If I pass someone, I start feeling extremely self-conscious and just want to get as far away from them as possible. I don't make eye contact with other people or speak to anyone if at all possible, because I start feeling like they're judging my appearance or are thinking horrible thoughts about me. 
A sane person would realize that it's just not worth it. Having all of these thoughts at once do more harm than good. Then again, I'm obviously insane.


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## AliciaH (Sep 28, 2007)

The thing is I dont just THINK theyre staring they ARE! I catch people all the time. You see, Im 23 and I have a child and every where I go someone must make a comment about how YOUNG I LOOK and I definately cant be old enough to be a mommy lol. Its very annoying. No one takes me seriously either, eveyrone thinks Im 18 years old so I get treated worse than if I looked older and teenagers have fun with it. I cant stand the teenagers around here they are catty and rude to me like Im a kid too. Im tiny though so I guess I probably look like a highschool but STILL people just need to be respectful and not STARE, SMIRK, LAUGH and all that crap to people they dont even know.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Drella said:


> nothing_to_fear said:
> 
> 
> > i hate this. i feel like everyones eyes are on me where ever i am. i can feel them all staring at me and thinking "god she looks so ugly/awkward/stupid". sometimes i hear some people laughing or joking around and my immediate thought is that they are laughing at me.
> ...


i do the same thing! if someone says something to me (or, at least i think it's directed towards me) and i don't fully hear what it is, i'll repeat it in my head until i "figure out" what it was, and that it was actually a rude or negative comment. it drives me ****ing crazy.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

I know exactly how you feel. :hug I felt like that all day today while I was shopping.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

nesteroff said:


> I know exactly how you feel. :hug I felt like that all day today while I was shopping.


i really have to go shopping soon but the malls are always so crowded this time of year. my shoes have holes in them but i'm still putting off going to the mall. i'm planning on going early during a weekday, it will probably be less busy then. i'm still nervous just thinking about it...


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

CEMBO said:


> When i go shopping or i should say IF i go shopping i usually go drunk it sort of makes things better but before i go i have to know what i want and exactly which shops to get it from and as soon as i get it i leave


yeah i always plan out my "route" through the mall so i don't look like an idiot trying to figure out where i'm going. i went today and it wasn't tooo bad. i actually noticed random people looking at me and i'm not sure why.  but at least i accomplished one third of what i need to get so that is good.


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## boonel (Feb 14, 2007)

You sound a lot like me! I try to look my best for the sake of looking average to the public eye, hoping that it will at least reduce the stares. But when I catch glimpses of my reflection outside the house (i.e subway window, public restrooms) I get depressed and start to think that no matter what I do to look "average" I will always be ugly. The worst part is that the stares never go away no matter what I do. I get stared at so many times that I wonder why I'm not immune to it yet. It's probably because the stares are like a constant reminder of how ugly I am, which is a hurtful thought.

A lady was staring at me today and when I looked at her she just stared at me and wouldn't blink. And I'm thinking, "what is her problem?" I was about to say something but didn't want to cause a scene because there were a lot of people.

To those who feel like or know they are being stared at, have you noticed that some people who stare at you tend to have this bug-eyed/open-eyed/wide-eyed look? I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it's similar to an expression of surprise...

You're not alone, nothing_to_fear. I feel like this everyday.



nothing_to_fear said:


> i hate this. i feel like everyones eyes are on me where ever i am. i can feel them all staring at me and thinking "god she looks so ugly/awkward/stupid". sometimes i hear some people laughing or joking around and my immediate thought is that they are laughing at me.
> i constantly feel like hiding. it's such a relief to get home and get in my room where i feel safest.
> 
> a lot of it has to do with feeling like i'm the ugliest person ever.. no exaggeration. i try so hard to look my best.. i spend so much time in the mirror all day, it takes so long to chose the right outfit, to get my make-up looking 'okay' (it still doesn't look good), and just when i think i look 'acceptable' and not ugly enough to be gawked at, i leave my house and catch my face in reflection or i imagine what i look like, and i am reminded of just how hideous i look, and that make-up won't do anything to make me look better, and i just feel @#%$ horrible. i hate this so much. i am so @#%$ ugly, and it's not just my perception, i know everyone else notices it.
> ...


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## anxiousgirl (Sep 3, 2007)

I can empathize with so many of these posts! Part of my problem is that I "resemble" someone that people think they have seen before. I've had so many people (and no, not just guys) ask me if I went to . . . high school, college, etc with them, or tell me they've " . . . seen [me] somewhere before." And, this is next to impossible, since I was working overseas for the last five years, just came back to the US about 6 months ago, and relocated to a new city and state--where I don't really know anyone! One thing I've noticed is that when I lived in a big city, people didn't stare, or at least made it less obvious they were looking at you compared to where I live now. And yes boonel, I have noticed the look that you're describing. It's really unnerving!


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## Debi (Dec 2, 2007)

I feel the same way in public, but I often get the distinct impression that people are only looking at me because I'm looking at them to see if they're looking at me!! That may be all it is in many cases. Maybe.


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## MissPhitMSD (Dec 9, 2007)

:ditto It is amazing to see so many people have the same thoughts! Just walking by people on the sidewalk, in my peripheral vision, i feel like their neck cranes to watch me as i walk by. And the worst is a whole group together and once you have passed them, any sort of noise they make, i am convinced it had something to do with me (look at what she is wearing, can you beleive her hair looks like that, why is she staring at the ground) it goes on and on. I know most of us agree that it is totally irrational but that is what is so frustrating!!! 

I hate that you are feeling the same way, but thank you for starting this thread nothing_to_fear. And you aren't by chance a radiohead fan, r u? the quote on your signature is used for a radiohead forum :boogie


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

MissPhitMSD said:


> :ditto It is amazing to see so many people have the same thoughts! Just walking by people on the sidewalk, in my peripheral vision, i feel like their neck cranes to watch me as i walk by. And the worst is a whole group together and once you have passed them, any sort of noise they make, i am convinced it had something to do with me (look at what she is wearing, can you beleive her hair looks like that, why is she staring at the ground) it goes on and on. I know most of us agree that it is totally irrational but that is what is so frustrating!!!
> 
> I hate that you are feeling the same way, but thank you for starting this thread nothing_to_fear. And you aren't by chance a radiohead fan, r u? the quote on your signature is used for a radiohead forum :boogie


i am a radiohead fan! i'm not sure if you know this but the quote also means 'i'm not living, i'm just killing time' from 'true love waits'. also my username is from 'pyramid song'. i post on mortigi tempo too, do you go there? 
cool to see another fan around here.


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## MissPhitMSD (Dec 9, 2007)

Very awesome  . I have been to mortigi tempo just to get information (i found out about it through 'green plastic'...one of the best fan sites I think I have ever come across. I haven't signed up to the forum though...was embarassed for some reason.


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## MPS (Oct 27, 2005)

Radiohead! :nw 

Regarding the thread title, I usually avoid malls, long ailes and having to walk through a certain area at work. I always seem to think that I'm walking funny or I'll trip over.

Walking past rowdy teenagers is always a 'mare.


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## RainOfTerror (Jul 29, 2007)

I know how you feel.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

MissPhitMSD said:


> Very awesome  . I have been to mortigi tempo just to get information (i found out about it through 'green plastic'...one of the best fan sites I think I have ever come across. I haven't signed up to the forum though...was embarassed for some reason.





MPS said:


> Radiohead! :nw
> 
> Regarding the thread title, I usually avoid malls, long ailes and having to walk through a certain area at work. I always seem to think that I'm walking funny or I'll trip over.
> 
> Walking past rowdy teenagers is always a 'mare.


yay another fan!

did you guys order the discbox? i have but it hasn't come yet. i'm so excited, i haven't even listened to the 2nd disc yet.


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## dada (Sep 8, 2011)

me before i feel na parang pinag uusapan ako ng lahat, yes its true naman. cguro it becoz na iba ako sa kanila) pero ung naka tingin sayo ang mga tao,, d kopa nararanasan yan) hehehehehehehe.. ang haba naman cguro ng hair ko pag ganun)


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