# Girls with SA, do you prefer confident guys, or guys like yourself?



## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

hmm?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I have a lower threshold than most women it seems for when confidence becomes a turn off. I find humbleness infinitely appealng :mushy but I do prefer guys to have a certain level of direction and to be realistic - not too optimistic, not too pessimistic about themselves or other things. It's not essential, it's just a turn on when guys have something (not me,) they really care about, some kind of goal. And then like if they get all cute and can't stop talking about it as well. ^_^

I've thought about it and realised this is pretty weird, I basically want to always be at least second best. Ideally a guy would have some kind of hobby/cause they care about more than me. :con I wonder if any other women feel the same of if it's just because of some unhealthy thought process.

But then again if they were like in banking or something directly related to money or advertising and were passionate about that + workaholics than that's actually a turn off... Especially if they are always stressed because of work and also because that's unrelatable to me. Creative things like being obsessed with music creation, or art, writing, making video games, any creative thing or caring things (like wanting to help animals, or enviromental work - if it didn't seem naive you know like a gap year student who thinks they are going to change the whole of Africa ) or scientific + technical stuff is appealing to me. I think what I'm saying is anything I admire in some way which is many things but not all 

I'm very shallow, in my own special way. I don't feel entitled to a certain kind of guy either by the way, I know I wouldn't date me. I feel like these threads always just end up with angry people who don't fit the criteria other people have which is understandable but meh Humans are imperfect.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Guys like myself. Some insecurity is cool, so we can relate on that level. I feel intimidated by really confident people, and tend to avoid them.


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## Glowsphere (Dec 20, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I've thought about it and realised this is pretty weird, I basically want to always be at least second best. Ideally a guy would have some kind of hobby/cause they care about more than me. :con I wonder if any other women feel the same of if it's just because of some unhealthy thought process.


From what Iʻve seen of successful couples, I think most women are like that. I donʻt think anyone wants the pressure of being someone elseʻs sole or highest purpose for living. Maybe for a short period, but it couldnʻt go on too long I think.


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## going going Gone (Nov 24, 2014)

Confidence is definitely attractive. A guy needs to have self-esteem and self-respect to come across more attractive to me. Even if he isn't naturally confident being brave and daring has a similar effect on me. But everyone has insecurities even confident people so yeah, confidence is better Just as long as he doesnt suffer from a superiority complex. I think that's equally unattractive as having an inferiority complex


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## Faynae (Jan 10, 2015)

I like guys like myself. There more understanding and easier to talk to. But sometimes it's a fail. Because they are just as nervous as I am or more nervous. And that's when the awkwardness kicks in and the silence starts which leads to nothing.


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

mezzoforte said:


> Guys like myself. Some insecurity is cool, so we can relate on that level. I feel intimidated by really confident people, and tend to avoid them.


I'm the same around really confident people, I always think I'm gonna be found out by them or something. That they'll have no problem breaking me down, sound pathetic but there you go. I act really confident sometimes to compensate when I'm with people who are like that, but its just an act, and I can't keep it up for long it really drains me.


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

emptyeyed said:


> Confidence is definitely attractive. A guy needs to have self-esteem and self-respect to come across more attractive to me. Even if he isn't naturally confident being brave and daring has a similar effect on me. But everyone has insecurities even confident people so yeah, confidence is better Just as long as he doesnt suffer from a superiority complex. I think that's equally unattractive as having an inferiority complex


Yeah I'd say you're definitely with the majority of girls on that one, sometimes I'll hear a girl saying she likes shy guys or something like that but its pretty rare.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

A more outgoing, confident guy. I feel like they make me more...confident or somethin, like more social.


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

Buckyx said:


> this thread is really motivating for majority of guys on this forum haha


Thing is though its a reality that the huge majority of women find confidence really important, understandably because its a great attribute to have and pretty much essential for success as well in most things. Luckily for those of us that don't have it, it can be learned!


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Hard to say. None of the dudes I've liked have been like me (at least I don't think/only to a certain extent) but I wouldn't say I /like/ confidence either, a lot of the time I just mistake it for arrogance and that's rly unattractive to me. But then again it could be cute if it's done right?? I don't know what I like tbh


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

Buckyx said:


> you are nothing without confidence


Sure but I wasn't talking about extremely low self esteem, thats obviously a buzzkill for everyone. It was more the kind of confidence that people with SA don't tend to have. Like a typical jock or city banker type would have. Almost an arrogance, pick up artists use it a lot and say they are very successful with it.


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## PoppySeed (Nov 24, 2014)

i don't think it 100% necessary, its nice to see a guy have some self worth and a good opinion of them self. But i think confidence is over rated. As a girl with SA, i would not feel comfortable with an overly confident guy. I would feel that i would have to match his level of confidence. Thus not being the real me.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Oh totally. Confident and alpha, that's how I like them. I don't like the "shy" type or whatever. Those guys can't do anything lol.


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## Sleeper92 (Oct 3, 2010)

Aribeth said:


> Oh totally. Confident and alpha, that's how I like them. I don't like the "shy" type or whatever. Those guys can't do anything lol.


INB4 sas nice guys read this .


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

PoppySeed said:


> i don't think it 100% necessary, its nice to see a guy have some self worth and a good opinion of them self. But i think confidence is over rated. As a girl with SA, i would not feel comfortable with an overly confident guy. I would feel that i would have to match his level of confidence. Thus not being the real me.


Yeah I agree its good to have a certain amount of confidence in yourself alright.


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## shaneMalinks (Jan 10, 2015)

Sleeper92 said:


> INB4 sas nice guys read this .


Dominant alpha nice guys though.


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## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

I prefer guys more like myself... I think if I was with someone who was confident, I would feel less superior too them because I have no confidence at all..


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

shaneMalinks said:


> Sure but I wasn't talking about extremely low self esteem, thats obviously a buzzkill for everyone. It was more the kind of confidence that people with SA don't tend to have. Like a typical jock or city banker type would have. Almost an arrogance, pick up artists use it a lot and say they are very successful with it.


No, that's a _complete _ turn off for me.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

felicshagrace said:


> A more outgoing, confident guy. I feel like they make me more...confident or somethin, like more social.


That does make sense to me too. I'd rather have a girl that's confident rather than like myself, which is why I'm still single. Struggling out here haha


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## Nilufar (Jan 17, 2014)

I would prefer a guy like me.. but like I said before.. both of us being socially awkward and, we wouldn't get to talk to each other. Therefore, it's more logical for me to end up with a confident and extroverted guy who would actually make the first step.


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## Zyriel (May 20, 2011)

Not to be a d***, but most girls don't know what they want. Most want "man candy" then cry when they're treated like ****, yet keep going after the same type of guy lol. A lot are also either gold diggers, or the type that talks about their "man" like it's an extension of themselves lol. Men don't either lol (probably do the same ****), it's an individual basis, and often times annoyingly spontaneous. Confidence borders arrogance, bravery could be seen as stupidity at times, aggression or hostility can be seen as dominating to some, and "sexy" to others. It all depends on the context.

In my experiences, (sorry being a whiny ***** here lol, horribly subjective too, and one sided) a lot of women are attracted to guys that act like *******s, thus usually attracted to my dumbass. Until I open up, actually pour my heart out in stupid ways and show that I care (which is limited). Then I become too "sensitive" when they hurt my feelings lol. Then I get pissed and never show feelings ever because they usually metaphorically "stabbed my heart" when I showed my vulnerability, or do something incredibly stupid to get me jealous. I close up shop and become frigid, often times eliminating all attachment to which hurt me lol, because people play stupid psychological games, give me emotional stress, and waste my time. Often times there is no forgiveness as betrayal is a serious offense to me, so a clean cut ensures all bonds broken and utterly severed for good to prevent any damage in the future. That way each can go their own way without hindrance, in respect to autonomy.

Then you have the type that love those *******s that go around bullying people, that they think is confidence, when it's really insecurity. Which they in turn use their girlfriend as a target to show their "masculinity" by picking at her in front of their friends to show they're tough or some bull****. Have met a few of those too, that need to be put in their place constantly. Then the woman usually goes back to the dip**** for some stupid*** reasons, yet unknown to me. So what it comes down to, is people don't make sense (of either gender), are untrustworthy, and emotions are bull****.

/rant


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

MoveAlong91 said:


> That does make sense to me too. I'd rather have a girl that's confident rather than like myself, which is why I'm still single. Struggling out here haha


Lol yea it's hard to find someone outgoing who likes a shy quiet someone.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

felicshagrace said:


> Lol yea it's hard to find someone outgoing who likes a shy quiet someone.


Sadly haha. I won't give up though XD


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## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

Moved from _General Discussion_ to _Relationships_.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

MoveAlong91 said:


> Sadly haha. I won't give up though XD


Never


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## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

I think I'd want a guy who just understands rather than be a awkward dweeb like me. I think having someone who is somewhat opposite than you is a good learning experience, and balances things out.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Confident SA guys.


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## Potato Girl (Jul 22, 2013)

In theory I'd prefer someone more quiet and introverted like myself that I could stay in with on a Saturday night and watch horror movies and bake cookies with but for some reason I keep ending up with guys that are the exact opposite that have crowds of friends everywhere they go and a new social event every weekend. It hasn't really been a problem (but then again none of these relationships have lasted .. due to other reasons though), I suppose opposites attract? However they'd all push me into going out more and being more social which annoyed me a bit.


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## T Studdly (Jul 20, 2013)

I could go for either tbh.

A confident guy could make me a better person and improve my confidence.

However a shy guy, I could relate to easier.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

East said:


> I don't know what I like tbh


Cats ofc :3


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## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

I know I'm a guy but wish more women like those on here go for shy guys like me. I'm a good man, Never used tobacco and sober but my love Life is dead


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Sacrieur said:


> Cats ofc :3


Ofc silly me (n˘v˘•)¬


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## abc1234 (May 2, 2014)

As a guy with SA i definitely prefer a shy girl.
but....
Even girls with SA don't like shy guys this thread is a proof of that!
*biology sucks*

so i have to fake confidence and go against my nature in order for girls to like me...other wise even if i'll get a girl miraculously she'll cheat on me with some confident dude.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Confident but not arrogant. I am attracted to men who are everything I'm not.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Aribeth said:


> Oh totally. Confident and alpha, that's how I like them. I don't like the "shy" type or whatever. Those guys can't do anything lol.


Oh, I'd love to prove you wrong. I'm shy and I can do all sorts of things.

Well, maybe what you say doesn't apply to me entirely. I'm only shy initially. Once I know a girl likes me and I warm up to her I change into a confident person - at least around her.


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## abc1234 (May 2, 2014)

Buckyx said:


> in which universe do girls who prefer unconfident guys exist?


i don't know but god should create a universe like this...



Aribeth said:


> Oh totally. Confident and alpha, that's how I like them. I don't like the "shy" type or whatever. Those guys can't do anything lol.


yeah guys like Abraham Lincoln,ulysses s grant,Albert Einstein,Bob Dylan,johnny depp!,Johnny Carson......
those shy guys can't do anything aren't they? hahahahaha so funny hahahaha lol hahahaha omg i just [email protected]@ed on my self


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I usually like guys who are a bit shy and reserved(SA or not), around other people, but still have confidence in who they are(and are willing to stand up for themselves and their opinions to anyone). Guys who drop witty comments here and there, but don't make it a contest to be the loudest person in the room. People who think before they speak in general, you know(although not while being stupid around the house)? Guys who will understand when I say "I can't handle being around people today".

that reminds me...

this is love to me


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

abc1234 said:


> yeah guys like Abraham Lincoln,ulysses s grant,Albert Einstein,Bob Dylan,johnny depp!,Johnny Carson......
> those shy guys can't do anything aren't they? hahahahaha so funny hahahaha lol hahahaha omg i just [email protected]@ed on my self


Nice examples, you totally didn't pick some extreme ones. How about an example of a regular guy, since I won't meet people like the ones you mentioned.


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## abc1234 (May 2, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> Nice examples, you totally didn't pick some extreme ones. How about an example of a regular guy, since I won't meet people like the ones you mentioned.


if you want to prove something you go for the extreme(extreme examples,situations...)

this guys are "regular guys" in fact if you met ulysses s grant in his early 30's you'd probably think he's a loser...people laughed at Albert Einstein.

try to not prejudge people before you get to know them that's all i'm saying


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I like shy guys,but they can be confident too. I don't really like noisy,overly confident and super outgoing people. 
He could be more outgoing than me,but someone who can't be alone and just needs to around people all the time isn't a good match.

But preferably I like someone who enjoys being social,wants to talk to me,go out,but also likes being alone or just the two of us.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

probably offline said:


> that reminds me...
> 
> this is love to me


I like this. :love2

I'd prefer it if a guy felt confident enough around me. At least, confident enough to initiate, make the moves and feel to comfortable. They don't have to be super outgoing but at least not intimidated by what I say or do. Probably because I'm terrible at bringing people, let alone some one out of their shell.


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