# help me- 17+ unable to make friends- very self conscious



## jkljkljkljkl (Jan 4, 2008)

hi, i would really appreciate advice
went through primary school with loads of good friends, since starting high school, for no easily identifiable reason i have lost confidence speaking to others my age- has become such a problem i now have no friends left and can't manage beyond basic communication outside my family- i know how to act in situations such as conversations but either my mind blanks or i become very self conscious when in them leaving me unable to formulate responses to anything 
thought a good starting place to address this issue would be a look at herbal medicine and hypnosis products.
firstly medicine- what is the best for this problem?- is clarocet nri any good?
secondly hypnosis- anyone know genuinely effective products out there for this problem? 
please help- i desperately need to change


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## Panic Prone (Mar 5, 2006)

What was your trigger? Sounds like something brought this on if it all the sudden happend. I encourage u to get your nutrition right before taking drugs. Maybe go to a nutritionist. Once your body is getting all the nutrients it needs see how u feel.


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## jkljkljkljkl (Jan 4, 2008)

not too sure- here's more detailed story from halfway through my last year at primary school:
from january that year, was very happy with good friendships with most boys in my class and some girls. i lived near 6 boys from my class and spent most of my schoolnights with them either playing outside or watching tv. i spent most of my weekends with my best friend(not one of the five from my area) and we would usually meet up to swim, go to the cinema or both. while still at primary, i began to prefer being alone while doing things enjoying only the company of my best friend and this led me to stop playing with the other 6 on weeknights almost completely though i was still on good terms with them- still saw best friend at weekend.
very close to the end of primary school, my house burned down and my family was forced to move house to a part of town very close from my friends. at this stage i isolated myself completely from contact with those outside my family when outside school- the best reasons i can come up with for this are:
-preferred to be alone due to an insecurity i had always felt when around others (which had worsened since the beginning of school and was getting very overwhelming) and also my finding their company boring- being alone meant doing what i wanted all the time
-didn't want to hassle my parents- the move had stressed them and they had a lot of work to do in repairing the burnt house and so i felt more people possibly in their way could only worsen their situation.
developed an extreme fear over the last weeks of primary in which i was exposed to stories of the bullying problems in high schools. this led me to begin high school with paranoid thoughts like "if anybody who is or is linked to a bully knows me, there is a high chance i will be bullied. therefore the best way to avoid bullying is not to open up too much to people". thoughts like these caused me to fail to open up to anybody- even old friends- anymore meaning i was left totally alone- my old best "friend" did nothing to help me (actually ignored me), found a new group of friends and became a complete pothead. at this high school i spent a whole year totally alone and this turned being alone from a luxury to an extremely depressing experience. i was pulled out of this school by my parents and sent to a private school my big brother had been attending for three years. brother convinced me of no bullying problem but even so i couldn't talk to people.( not sure if the following impacted it:
on my first day at the school, a girl i had never met before approached me and said in a nasty voice"hi. are you a social reject with no friends" to which i responded "erm... i suppose so"
she's been very nice to me after that day though) i had developed a crippling shyness and this led to the effects described in my first post.now i know this post was long but PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME- i am no longer happy alone- everyday of my life is boring, depressing and ****(everyday is the same-get up very very early against my will, go to school, go to assemblywhere number of people stresses me a lot, go to classes, spend lunchtime alone in a toilet hiding, come home)- it shouldn't be that way at my age. i am honestly so so so so sick of my shyness as it is ruining my life completely


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## FillyPhile (Nov 28, 2007)

"_on my first day at the school, a girl i had never met before approached me and said in a nasty voice"hi. are you a social reject with no friends" to which i responded "erm... i suppose so"
she's been very nice to me after that day though)_"

Sounds as if she was speaking tongue-in-cheek and realized later that she hurt you. Give her another chance.

I don't know what else to say at the moment, I just hope you realize that you are among friends here who understand what you're going through.

Take heart, a better day is coming.


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## jkljkljkljkl (Jan 4, 2008)

any positive experiences with non prescription medicine and hypnosis


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## jkljkljkljkl (Jan 4, 2008)

come on, if you are viewing this can't you just reply. even if you've tried herbal and hypnosis with no success i'd like to hear.
i'm here for advice on how to change so i would be grateful for any response you have for me- i have been unable to tell anyone i know of my want to change so would like any advice. i really need guidance on the path i should take so would appreciate your help. 
it's horrible for me to look at the huge number of views of my story and see the lack of replies. even a simple "hello" in response to my thread would be better than nothing. reading about the thing i am most embarrassed about and then ignoring me makes me feel awful- like i'm being watched and judged without my knowing


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## raymac_6262 (Dec 31, 2007)

Hey I've been going through a very similar experience ( I am also 17). Up until Sept last year, life was going extremely well. I was a outgoing, confident, and charismatic guy. However, there were times in my life where I felt socially insecure...(but during the first few years of highschool I was certain I had conquered these fears altogether). The only time I felt insecure was when I was dating, which I still managed to do...to some degree. IN september I was rejected by a couple girls I was certain I could hook up with, I also got a new job which I wasn't comfortable in, my close lvose brother also moved away. I think it was a combination of these 3 things that triggered my Social Anxiety Disorder. At first the changes were so extreme...it didn't make any sense. I thought there was something physically wrong with me. I sought out medical attention, and came to the conclusion I had developed some kind of mental condition. It WAS SUCH A SUDDEN CHANGE IN CHARACTER FOR ME! things kind of went downhill, but since now i have a better understanding of what happened to my brain, i am more calm, and have been working to overcome this challenge as quckly as possible, it is disabling and can get to you...its depressing at times, but I will not accept it, its not me! I know I am in reality a very confident person. I am just temporarily disable by irration thought patterns, which I for the most part can overide but sometimes they take over...its the self-consciousness, burning, exhausted feeling...My life since has been a constant internal conflict...all i think about is overcoming this condition...CONSTANTLY!! 
Anyways sir, I understand what your going through. Keep yourself in a positive frame of mind and be able to recognize irrationality. BAsically your social anxiety stems from an irrational interpretation of how others are perceiving you/responding to you. Kill these negative thought patterns, identify them, replace them with new ones. Also go see a psychiatrist. There are medications available to help relieve symptoms of anxiety. YOU WILL GET through this matre I assure you. Just don't give in....Recognize it as a condition of the mind, and know that it is not real you. 
All the best mate,
Ray


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## latin_maverick (May 15, 2007)

raymac_6262 said:


> Up until Sept last year, life was going extremely well. I was a outgoing, confident, and charismatic guy. ...IN september I was rejected by a couple girls I was certain I could hook up with, I also got a new job which I wasn't comfortable in, my close lvose brother also moved away. I think it was a combination of these 3 things that triggered my Social Anxiety Disorder.


Has anybody had a similar experience? Up until now, I believed SA was something you were born with, or something you develop in your first 5 years of life. I remember having SA since I came to this world. I even remember my parents concerned and my teachers telling them that I didn't speak with anybody in class.... And I was 5!


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## coolguy (Oct 16, 2007)

Listen, I know it sounds great to run down to walmart, pop a bunch of pills made out of weeds, and have this all go magically away. However, there is just no good evidence to support such an idea. Most studies showing "clinical effectiveness" of herbal remedies are not up to scientific standards of methodology. 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you need to either consider counseling or talk to your GP about medication or both. In your specific case, I would consider working with a therapist or at least a really good book on CBT. 

In the meantime, arobic exercise won't hurt you any. I'd definitely consider walking at 3-5 mph for 45 minutes, if nothing else it will distract your mind and increase your general health, whereas taking something like Kava Kava longterm puts you at risk for liver damage and isn't going to do much for your ticker.

There is a great temptation to mind some miracle cure on the bleeding edge, but I think your results will come from the tried and true methods. They aren't always fun or easy, but they (being medication and therapy) are the best things we have going right now. Hypnosis usually isn't cheap nor am I aware of any substantial evidence of it curing SA. If that were the case we'd all be standing in line rather than posting here =)


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