# Pity Invites



## polymerase (May 30, 2014)

I had a group of friends who I used to hang out with. I've never been great at forming friendships but this group befriended me and I felt really comfortable with them even though my anxiety sometimes would get in the way. However a few months ago one of the people in the group said that only reason they invited me to hang out with them was because "They felt bad I didn't have any other friends." It really bothered me because it felt like HS and college all over again. The few friends I had then only invited me because they "felt bad". I know I'm the not most exciting person to hang out with but I don't feel the need to change my personality just to feel accepted by people. I haven't hung out with them since and they've invited me to hang out but I just ignored their texts. It really bothers me to think people pity me. I've always been self conscious about forming friendships because usually the friends that befriend me are either trying to use me or they invite me out of pity. Has anyone experienced friends like this before?


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Yes, I have some similar experiences. I think it is a power trip some people like to use. They feel good about themselves when they 'befriend' a loner (probably a similar buzz people get from donating to charity) and since they are suddenly your _only_ friend they have a sort of power over you that they enjoy as a kind of sport. This power goes to their head(s) and sometimes when they've had a bad day they take it out on you and either ignore you completely or invite you into their group and then proceed to ignore you completely anyway. This way it is more humiliating for you than being ignored completely. You're sat/standing there looking in on the group feeling like a complete lemon. I suppose they like toying with you for their own depraved amusement. Then the next day, say, they feel guilty about treating you badly the day before so they 'befriend' you again. This repeats itself indefinitely. And people wonder why most massacres are carried out by "troubled" loners...


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

People see an isolated and vulnerable person who they perceive to be weak and easily manipulated and it is just too tempting for them 'to have a bit of sport'. One such person who liked nothing better than to humiliate and torment me by blowing hot and cold and sometimes being friendly and sometimes being nasty is now a physician - he's a General Practitioner with a string of letters after his name. I really thought that educated people knew better. I just hope no one comes to him with a mental health problem that they need help with as he might abuse them.


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## Rufiko (Sep 8, 2013)

IVE BEEN THERE. Say, what are your friends act to you? Were they really nice?


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I just don't understand why he told you that. It seems very hurtful. Other than that they seem like good people. I don't think I would befriend someone just because they don't have any other friends. 

Do they treat you well when your with them?
Do they call and include you in there plans?

If the answer is yes than I would over look this and just be happy that they include you.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Yea that's all the friends I've ever had. Pitty friends rofl. I don't have any right now. I kind of wish I did.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

Eh, it does suck, but sometimes I think that it might be nice to have some pity friends. I don't want to be pitied, but at times, it seems like the lesser of evils.


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## polymerase (May 30, 2014)

They're nice people but I would rather hang out with people who genuinely want to spend time with me rather than with people who feel they are obligated out of guilt. It's easy to notice when people are indifferent to your presence. I invited them to hang out a few times also and they all looked like they had better things to do. 

I guess I'm just looking for people who I can just be myself when I'm with them and not feel pressured to change my personality or feel as if I'll jeopardize our friendship. A group of friends who see me as me and do not feel I am in any way less than them because of my anxiety. I'm just tired of constantly having to explain myself to people when they question why I look nervous or scared, I just want to be with people who see that but ignore it and accept me for who I am. I always feel like less of a person when I know I'm being invited out of pity.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

I guess I'm just looking for people who I can just be myself when I'm with them and not feel pressured to change my personality or feel as if I'll jeopardize our friendship. A group of friends who see me as me and do not feel I am in any way less than them because of my anxiety. I'm just tired of constantly having to explain myself to people when they question why I look nervous or scared, I just want to be with people who see that but ignore it and accept me for who I am. I always feel like less of a person when I know I'm being invited out of pity.[/QUOTE]

I agree being your self is very important with friends. There's know way to be that way with these people? They did a good thing by including you. I just know how hard it is to meet new friends.

I don't think I would tell them until I really know them about SA. A lot people just don't understand SA. They may also look down on you because of it. I have never told anyone but my wife that I feel that anxiety. I don't want people to judge me like that.


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