# Grad school--am I making a BIG mistake?



## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi all,

I'm starting grad school next week, and although I'd been doing well managing my anxiety in recent months (over this and in general), now that it's gotten so close, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. In brief, I'm a slightly older student making a major career change. While I went into the application process with relative confidence and was thrilled to be accepted, orientation earlier this week left me feeling that I'm completely out of my depth and possibly making a huge, life-wrecking mistake. I have a great deal of passion for the subject I'm taking on and an appropriate undergrad education to have qualified for the program, obviously, but zero work experience in the field and to be honest, a not-quite-crystallized sense of what I want to do with the M.A. when I'm finished. When I met my program director the other day, he told me that I'm "almost" too old to be starting on this path, and I felt like a fool the entire time I was speaking with him. Sometimes the best I can do when I have to meet new people is to fake it, and already I can tell these (very important) people can see right through me. All I could think was, "Please don't let him remember my name."

I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'm looking for. I've been feeling flushed and jumpy and helpless, almost constantly, for days. I've barely slept in that time, debating whether I should move forward or quit before I start. I don't have a full-time job right now so that's not a great option (I live with my BF so I wouldn't be out on the street or anything, but I'd need to get back on the work track ASAP). I could conceivably go back to my former industry, but the idea of having to do that only makes me feel more anxious and ashamed, not to mention the fact that I left it for a reason, namely that it made me miserable. 

Has anyone else started a new venture, grad school or otherwise, and felt going in like they'd taken a huge misstep? How did you handle the feeling and the practicalities, and do you wish you'd done differently? There _is_ a part of me that _knows_ I can do this--that I'm smart, and worthy, and stubborn!--but I'm having a really hard time accessing that right now.

Thanks for listening.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I don't see why it's a bad idea. Being smart, stubborn and passionate about the subject's a great start. Ignore what any academics tell you. I've been there (a postgrad through 2 degrees) and they are among the stupidest people I've encountered. They really aren't worth feeling intimidated about. I don't see why the one you met would even mention age. I can't think of a subject where it'd have much relevance, especially if you're passionate. Maybe he's a bit of a twit. I saw several middle-aged and even almost aged people at that level of education wanting a career change. It's brave and shows character. Don't let any of the academidiots put you off. Also, anxiety will be at its highest starting anything new like this. It needs time to diminish. Anxiety's really the problem here that needs addressing.


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## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

Thank you so much for your response. I have the hardest time not taking things personally, regardless of the source, and this guy really got to me and made me question my whole decision. I know it's going to be incredibly hard, but I also know the newness of it is what's making me feel constantly on the verge of panic right now. It's making it hard to see through to a point where the anxiety will become more manageable, or at least specific and task-focused instead of this amorphous _thing_. (I mean, I'd rather not have it at all, but baby steps.) Really hoping I can reach that point before too long.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I started a Masters in October, also a career change. Stick with it and don't let some professor tell you stuff. Some know the field very well but others have been inside the ivory tower for so long that they have lost touch quite a bit.

I think you should stick it out. See how it goes. The beginning was always going to be difficult


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

If you really have a passion for the subject then it's usually a good idea to pursue it. There are exceptions... studying law (which can be really fun and interesing) is often very different from practicing law. And you need to be financially realistic about what you're paying versus what you're getting. There are many for-profit grad schools which will take unprepared students and charge an arm and leg for a degree (knowing full well that they'll borrow the money to pay for it). 

But assuming you're financially and career realistic, I think pursuing something you love to study is what life is about. And doing so can even help your sa. I did grad school and it was very difficult for me at first. But ultimately, I think it helped my sa.


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## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks. That's the issue, though--I don't know if I'm being realistic, and that's one of the many things I'm worrying about. My particular school is not a huge financial commitment, but it's still money. I'm basically doing this because I really wanted to study the field in depth in order to work in it, but now I feel like I'm not only underprepared for the program, but not clear enough on my ultimate career goals to have a clear picture of where it will take me. Part of me says you can't predict the future no matter how hard you try, but I'm (absurdly, I know) afraid I'll be the only one there who doesn't yet know precisely what she's going to be doing for the rest of her life.

Ahhh. Getting this out definitely helps some. No easy answer, I know.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Perhaps check out the careers office. At my universities they would allow you to book appointments with an advisor.


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## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

I do have an appointment set up for next week with the career advisor. Naturally I'm dreading the potential humiliation , but hoping for the best.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

To me this sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed. You made a big change and suddenly you are no longer sure whether it's a good idea or not. It probably IS a good idea. Big changes often make people feel uncomfortable to the point that they develop doubts and want to quickly paddle back to where they came from. Stick it out and it will probably be worth it  It'll ge easier, too.


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## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

Yeah, I'm definitely feeling really overwhelmed. I was so excited about it, and the closer it's become, the more it's started to cave in on me. I appreciate the kind words, so thank you all very much. It's been kind of a lonely thing to deal with, so I think the best thing I can do for now is to keep reminding myself that being afraid of change and new experiences is completely normal and to be expected, and that while SA may make it harder, it's easy for almost no one.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Yep, and I will just add one more thing. 

The other people on your course might not know _that_ well what they want to do with it. At least that is what I can say about the people on my programme.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

If you have a dead-end research project or work under a difficult professor, it may indeed be a mistake. There are certainly research fields that are absolutely depressing and cost you time if not money. One bad research professor can lead you in a hopeless direction too. I dropped out of the Ph.D program but have two Masters to show for it. Thankfully, I worked in industry most of the duration so didn't fall too hard.

Make sure your Masters is set up to succeed. If you can go part-time and maintain a side job, that may help. The companies that paid for me while going for the Masters, so I had an outlet to drop out during the Ph.D. program.


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## kentcharm (Feb 2, 2011)

Well from reading your post, I think you already know what you should do. At least in your heart.

Don't quit before you start. You really don't want the regret of not knowing what could have happened hanging over your head. If you have a general passion for the subject you will be learning, then you really shouldn't worry. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, should do what they love. 

But I totally understand the worry you are experiencing over this. It's a big decision, probably one of the biggest ones you will make in your life. If I was you, I'd be freaking out too. But just give it a try! I have a feeling you won't regret it........


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## cooldude03 (Jul 28, 2007)

I say give it a shot and don't back out now. Obviously, something attracted you to this program, so now I think you're likely just having cold feet. I concur with the others, some of the most useless people I've ever met were stuck in University jobs and honestly what they knew about the world of work came from books lol so don't put too much weight on what any one person thinks.


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## littlebear (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks, all--I really appreciate your responses. I started last week and it seems okay so far. Kind of a roller coaster, though, in terms of the anxiety. I'll have one good day and then feel feverish and worried and sort of depressed _all day_ the next, and not necessarily for any particular reason. I'm hoping the fluctuations settle down once I start feeling more settled in, though, since it's not a fun way to live. I mean, it's grad school, it's supposed to be stressful, but feeling _so_ all over the place from one day to the next isn't going to work. Anyway, I'm sticking with it for now and doing the best I can.


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## rbabikian (Dec 5, 2013)

*Almost 40 and starting a new career path*

My mother always told me, "Getting an education is never a mistake. It's never a waste of time...even if you don't use what you have learned in the way you are 'supposed to'."

What's the worst thing that can happen?...Perhaps the worst thing would be that you get your master's degree and you go back to your old job. I highly doubt that though. You're worth more when you have a master's degree. You know more, you have more to say, you become a better writer. You open yourself up to so many opportunities that include many careers.

I am almost 39. I recently stopped working to go back in school full time. Talk about hard! I am trying to get into a grad program in mental health counseling. It is something I always wanted to do, but let's face it, the pay isn't something to brag about. The thing is, chasing money has never been fulfilling for me. I'm terrified with my current path, to be quite honest, but I keep moving forward and try not to pay attention to that little naysayer that lives in my head. The rational part of me knows that following a passion is the best route because if you believe in what you are doing for a living, you will have the energy, attitude, drive and desire to make it work. You could do great things when you are passionate about your work. The way I look at the mental health counselor salaries is this: I always think outside the box and will continue to think outside the box. Money will come.

If you love what you are working on, it will work out. Be determined. One of the most successful people I know has an attitude I truly admire. He never says, "I can't." And he has always proven that when you think, "I can," you get what you want even when others are saying you can't.

Good Luck!


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

rbabikian said:


> My mother always told me, "Getting an education is never a mistake. It's never a waste of time...even if you don't use what you have learned in the way you are 'supposed to'."


I completely agree with this. If you want to enter graduate school, then I definitely think you should do it. I wouldn't worry about being unsure of it. When I first started college, I actually freaked out because I was worried that I wasn't doing what I should be doing (although it wasn't college in general, it was what I was studying and the school I was studying at). Now, I love that I made the decision I did.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!


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