# are you more anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant or fearful-avoidant



## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Dismissive.E2.80.93avoidant_attachment

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment



> People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them." People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners-a condition colloquially termed _clinginess_. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners' lack of responsiveness. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsiveness in their relationships.


Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment


> People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.", "It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient", and "I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).


Fearful-Avoidant Attachment



> People with losses or sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence often develop this type of attachment[10] and tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with, sometimes unconscious, negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and deny their feelings. Instead, they are much less comfortable initially expressing affection.


Secure Attachment


> Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me." This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationship.


==

the attachment style someone fits best changes over time sometimes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults#Stability_of_working_models



> Around 70-80% of people experience no significant changes in attachment styles over time.[15][27][28][29][30] The fact that attachment styles do not change for a majority of people indicates working models are relatively stable. Yet, around 20-30% of people do experience changes in attachment styles. These changes can occur over periods of weeks or months. The number of people who experience changes in attachment styles, and the short periods over which the changes occur, suggest working models are not rigid personality traits.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Anxious-preoccupied, for sure.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Fearful-avoidant(pretty much word by word).


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Dismissive-Avoidant, 100%.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Fearful-avoidant with slight dismissive-avoidant tendencies.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

I voted secure, but in all honesty previous girlfriends/wife have told me that I don't pay enough attention to them, hold their hands, etc. Having said that, once they tell me this I usually feel guilty, apologize and change for a while, until I revert back again to my comfort zone. Again, I think this is introversion. And pretty well everyone I've been with was an extrovert.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Fearful-avoidant, due to having experienced lots of problems previously being anxious-preoccupied (i. e., I used to be clingy, and to easily latch onto others, until learning the hard way not to). :afr


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Fearful-avoidant describes me to a tee... or a hat.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

2) & 3)


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## toutenkarthon (May 14, 2012)

Dismissive avoidant for me.


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## Ro2 (Jan 21, 2013)

Dismissive-avoidant and/or fearful-avoidant -- it's hard to say which one.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Dismissive-avoidant, definitely. Although in the past year or two I've become a lot more accepting of the fact that I do have social needs even though I'm naturally independent and introverted. And I try to control the defensiveness.
Everything about the dismissive-avoidant description still applies, just to a lesser extent than what I've felt in the past (when I shunned all social interaction and thought I had schizoid PD). I hope I'm moving toward "Secure attachment".


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Definitely Anxious-Preoccupied... how can that only have gotten 2 votes? :sus


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## SnowSunRainClouds (Dec 3, 2012)

1 and 3 pretty much fit me equally well, although I picked 1 because _sometimes_ I feel clingy with friends (don't like hanging out in even a group of 3 or 4 because I'm jealous for their attention) and I feel slightly more like people don't want to be close with me than not trusting people enough to get close.

So both work really well. 1 has a slight edge on 3 however.


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

I think I am dismissive avoidant, with some aspects of anxious-preoccupied. :stu


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## deadgirlrunning (Jul 7, 2012)

I voted anxious-preoccupied; but I'm equally, if not more, fearful-avoidant. I have a very strong desire to form close friendships, but usually the fear of being hurt completely overshadows it.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Fearful-Avoidant. I recognize everything in it. Except that I am not abused in childhood. And I do not not remember having much trouble with loss either. So no idea how I managed to get this really.


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## Starxed (May 31, 2012)

The fearful-avoidant attachment is 100% me lol.
But before I was like this, I was most definitely anxious-preoccupied.


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## apersonintheory (Nov 26, 2012)

I = Fearful-Avoidant Attachment


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

anxious-preoccupied


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## llodell88 (May 15, 2011)

some things of 2 and some things of 3


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

Fearful-Avoidant.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

I think exhibit elements of Anxious-Preoccupied and Fearful-Avoidant.


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## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

fearful-avoidant, definitely.


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## Mourn4UrSelf (Nov 2, 2012)

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment 

I don't form relationships w/ others b/c I'm convinced they'll abandon me anyways, which I can't bear.


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

Dismisisve-Avoidant-attachment probably.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

Fearful avoidant.


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## cozynights (Mar 19, 2013)

I'm definitely Fearful-Avoidant Attachment but also partially Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment


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## Lily11 (Jul 28, 2013)

fearful attachment for sure. I do not trust most people, no matter how genuine they seem. I can blow hot and cold depending on my mood and how well I feel I can trust the other person. I have an awful boss at work who does nothing to restore my faith in humanity. I've never been very close to my mother and not had a father in my life which supports the fearful attachment theory. I would love to have a meaningful relationship with someone but the thought of it not working out scares the life out of me. :blank


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment mostly, although not as extreme.


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## TheSilentWhovian (Aug 1, 2013)

Fearful-Avoidant is me word for word, it's scary. Like whoever wrote that was writing about me. I desire close relationships but fear it at the same time. Not just because of fear of being hurt though, also because of fear of humiliation. Although I guess that could be considered the same thing.


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## Taaylah (Apr 5, 2012)

Fearful-Avoidant describes me perfectly.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

1 and 3. I can either be extremely clingy ( I get very anxious when I feel like someone is slipping away and I can be really pathetic about it, which just makes that person slip away even more ) or I will completely push someone away to avoid becoming attached in the first place ( This usually only serves to make the person mad at me and wonder why I'm avoiding them). I can't seem to find the healthy in between.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Anxious-preoccupied.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Anxious-Preoccupied and Fearful-Avoidant. I tend to either be really needy and clingy, or I act like an a*shole. It's been a cycle for me lately, and it's very frustrating.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

fearful-avoidant 100%


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## ls91 (Feb 3, 2013)

Features from each attachment style I don't think any of them are dominant for me.. maybe the first one but people who know me might disagree. Hmm. And they vary depending on the person.


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## Anonymous Loner (Mar 3, 2013)

I started out as fearfully-avoidant, but when I finally got close to some friends I became a hybrid fearful-avoidant and anxious-preoccupied - I had fearful-avoidant behavior with everyone I wasn't close to and anxious-preoccupied behavior with the people I was closet to. Eventually, after therapy, things have changed and now I'm mostly dismissively-avoidant, but I'm still fearfully-avoidant as well but to a lesser degree.


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