# Alter ego/facade/temporarily social person?



## Pitseleh (May 15, 2008)

I don't know if it's my coping mechanism or something but I put soo much energy into creating this other self to handle social situations. (This is a lot easier if I'm drinking) But I can do it sober as well. This is usually the way people percieve me during a first impression. I've even had people tell me I'm vibrant and outgoing but its SO awkward like a month into the relationship (whether friend/romantic person/school acquaintence w/e) when my anxiety rears its ugly head and I do something creepy or bizarre like show up at a party and walk out after two seconds, or I tell a new person I met that we should most certainly hang out but when they knock on my door I lay dead-quiet and wait for them to leave....and ESPECIALLY if someone asks me to have lunch with them in a cafeteria on campus (college) and I have to be like "Yea, I totally can't do that." On the one hand I can handle people and I enjoy myself sometimes but when I'm in my off mode... I find being social absolutely repulsive and impossible

I'm happy in some ways when people tell me I'm funny, outgoing, and pretty but keeping up being "normal" is emotionally and physically exhausting for me. Part of me feels sad that I'm misrepresenting myself. And once people discover my underlying creepiness it's always a mess. This doesn't happen with everyone.. with close friends and genuinely understanding people(by the way I'm pretty sure all my close friends have some sort of anxiety issue) I can be honest about myself upfront and at the college I go to I'm pretty sure more people are emotionally unbalanced than not...But it's always really aparent in work situations when say... my super extroverted co-worker will play with my hair (this is the worst for me it makes my skin crawl) Or when I attempt a sober hook up with a new person and I'm literally shivering... I really hate to be touched unlesss I feel extremely comfortable with the person. People are kind of offended when I pull away and I think this is because it seems like a personal thing I have against them because I appear normal at first.

Anyways, I was wondering if any of you could relate. It's hard to be in both spheres. I know my mom is the same way. EVERYONE loves her but growing up I remember anytime someone rang the door bell she, my sister and I would "hit the deck" literally haha. Or on our way home before we turned onto our street if we saw someone's car in our driveway she'd drive around town sometimes for hours until they left. Wow now that I think about it I remember her making dinner for the three of us before we'd go to a family gathering (with my dad's relatives) so we could appear more in control/less shameful because we would hardly eat anything around them. Oh, the joys of unhealthy childhoods...


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

As inticing as an alter ego sounds (I am, in actuality, The Flash). It's more likely you have a milder case of social anxiety. Not to insult you in the least, as I know it can be very intense, but some people are completely dehabilitated hermits. 

The notion of people "discovering the true you" is very common amongst people with depression and anxiety disorders. You really have to counter that thought, more often, as it's a bogus idea. When you are at your most comfortable THAT is the true you, anixety is an side effect to a situation. *Deep-down I think you have already figured this out. 

I can really relate though. Last summer I hid in the bathroom at a party when a particularly ostentatious lad had arrived. I stewed in there for a bit before taking off down the street in a hurry. What I had failed to notice, though, as my brother later pointed out, was how well I had been doing. So right now I am sort of in the same boat. In general I think I do quite well, but certain things still wig me out. Flirting is near torturous for me, prompting invitations are hard and also dealing with confrontations.

As far as the co-worker.. that's not too weird (for you) to pull away. A lot of people are turned off by over-zealous touchy people- including me. It might be worth mentioning, "I appreciate you feel close enough to touch me, but really I prefer stay inside my comfort zone." You might get a negative reaction, some people take it personally, but it's worth your comfort bubble back. Voicing your opinion is less abiguous to the giver of affection as well.


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## weareinfinitelove (Apr 3, 2013)

you are probably never going to come back on here... but just incase you do; I wanted to let you know that I COMPLETELY empathise with you. 

I'm just about to go to the Doctor to try and get some help, so did a search containing some of the words you describe in your text and this post was the 1st google match. 

I don't believe we have the anxiety to a lesser extent- As it can be terrifying; but for some reason or another which has maybe been due to situational life factors.. we decided to fight how we really feel inside REALLY freaking hard. 

And if you are like me- you do well... very well. But after time, it does rear its ugly head in relationships and the way you act is seen as "creepy". or sometimes maybe arrogant eg: walking out of a party.. because those people perhaps see us as so outgoing/capable etc...

It's a constant battle... and I would say I like to be on my own often as it's "safe". But at university, I'm a student rep, and often get asked to do things that terrify me... eg: give a few words on something to the class... or bigger tasks.... which I usually AVOID!! ( which I'm sure is misjudged) 

I used to work in a nightclub bar, which was the HARDEST THING to get through. I'd literally get home and pat myself on the back because I'd been wanting to leave due to my anxiety...which prolongued led to paranoia...ALL the night. Whilst at the same time; keeping up my cool/happy FACADE. 

So Draining. 

I once told a friend that I'd had a really hard time making it through the evening and he literally laughed uncontrollably in my face, and said that "I was one of the most confident people he knew" 

But then, I believe that the front I put on- HAS become me too; to an extent; because I've acted it out for so long with such conviction. 

You're not alone.


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