# Do you really have no friends at all?



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Was thinking about to 2011 - 2018 last night.. before I began meeting people.

2012 i got a bf, we didn't talk much after splitting, met some older people through volunteering 
2013 i was meeting a bloke from the internet, fell out that year (was a huge mistake on my part) stalked me for 2 years.
2014 met a bloke through volunteering tried to talk outside of the office, wasn't interested.
2015 met a much older man we spent a lot of time together he turned out to be a psychopath.
2016 someone from the past popped up but they were attempting to cheat on their gf. Tried to add someone who volunteered downstairs they ignored the request. Added someone who volunteered at a another place they ignored it. I had an ex contacting me and an old college friend.
2018 I began meeting quite a few people. My Facebook friend count used to be 55 it's now 194.

I was 25 before I met someone who didn't treat me like a ****.


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## hauntedbyreality (11 mo ago)

I never had friends.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

I've never had any real friends.


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## shyshisho (Apr 19, 2009)

I haven't had a friend since 1999. I guess my personality is too introverted and my interests too niche.


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## either/or (Apr 27, 2020)

Yep. No friends. Some former friends I still text with. That's really it.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

It doesn't really bother me. I think it did when I was a kid. Most of the "friends" I did manage to make back then were the kind of people who would be nice to me one on one and turn into jerks when other kids were around. Also had a couple of incidents where people who started out friendly became bullies later on. I think if I had never tried to befriend them and they never noticed me much, the bullying wouldn't have happened.

It eventually got to the point to where I realized it wasn't worth it. And I usually wasn't really interested in any of the things most of the potential friends were either. Sports, mostly. Especially football. Seems like just about every guy I ever knew was into football and I hate it with a passion.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I have a handful of good friends now, mostly from SAS, one friend and one semi-friend who I see in person a few times a year. Nobody I can communicate with every day unfortunately, most of them I may message a few times a year, but it's great to have them. I didn't have any friends at all until I got on the internet in college and made a couple online friends, so I can appreciate the difference.



Lonelygirl1986 said:


> My Facebook friend count used to be 55 it's now 194.


I don't get how anybody can have that many acquaintances. It's taken me 13 years to build my Facebook friend count from 9 up to 22, and most of them are online-only people who I haven't had a conversation with in many years and were just acquaintances from forums.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I've still got a few people that I haven't managed to isolate myself from - it's pretty amazing they still keep in touch though tbh. I had more when I was younger but various things like moving cities and just my being so avoidant etc has taken it's toll.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Now I only sparsely keep in touch with one close friend from high school via text only. We live 20mins from each other now for years, but have only meet up a few times. I did also manage to keep in touch with 2 other close friends many years after school, but they have since cut off from me after the pandemic. I also found out one of them was rather toxic, and for the most part I never enjoy being around them, I mostly kept in touch out of the sake of it. But the friendship was one-sided for the most part. Besides that, all of the friends I had from school and college, they drift apart quickly from me within a year or two after.

I manage to meet a new group of friends around 2018 after I partaked in a popular fad hobby. I hung out with them until the pandemic hit. And they have since too drifted apart from me. Although they still hang out, just minus me. That was really the nail in the coffin confirmation to myself that my personality just lacks appeal to maintain long friendships.

I don't see myself pursuing more friends moving forward. And the older I am, the more difficult this will be. I am content with it for now. Not sure how I will cope moving forward though with this. Especially with the general social stigma of being a loner, which further repels people when they see evidence of you as one.


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## Jessalone (9 mo ago)

No I dont have any. Only my family . Nobody outside this circle I can call a friend.


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## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

I had friends / mates in my teens and twenties. Mostly larger groups when I was younger. The groups in my 20s I thought were better but I finally figured out that most of them were simply using me.

Still had a few friends till my early 30s and that thought they were good friends.
The one I considered to be my best friend I also ended up working for him in his shop. He would call each week to arrange shifts.
So in 2009 he just stopped contacting me about work, essentially sacking me without actually speaking to me about it.
He then sent a text about 3 months later to tell me he was engaged, I text back my congratulations and I never heard from him again.
Bumped into a a person we both knew a year later and he asked why I hadn't went to my best friends wedding?
This person having been invited (he wasn't as far as I was aware as close a friend) and not myself to the wedding was a hard one to get over. Never heard from any of the group again.

I have not spoken to or hung out with anyone since then as a friend. I only have one family member and they are the only person I speak to or see, so life has been pretty lonely.
When I returned to education in 2014 - 2017 I failed to make any friends with any of the other mature students, I wasn't surprised really but it was still difficult going to classes everyday.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Folded Edge said:


> I had friends / mates in my teens and twenties. Mostly larger groups when I was younger. The groups in my 20s I thought were better but I finally figured out that most of them were simply using me.
> 
> Still had a few friends till my early 30s and that thought they were good friends.
> The one I considered to be my best friend I also ended up working for him in his shop. He would call each week to arrange shifts.
> ...


I'm sorry about that, I got rid of my best friend years ago. I did know a guy who owned a shop once but that didn't go anywhere. People are fickle. I recently met someone who seemed exactly like me despite the fact he had everything people have at his age. He was going through a separation after 12 years and two kids his wife wasn't in love with him anymore. 5 months of keeping in touch and him making loads of effort one day he went distant and that was it. Only clicked like a few times since and still views my stories. That cut deep. I always think it's something I did but I don't think it was. Unfortunately I find the people who make the most effort with me seem to be predatory types. I'm also a target for bullying.


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## floyd the barber (10 mo ago)

Never had any.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I haven't had a RL friend since around 2001 I think, it has been a while. Once my wife and I started to date, there was no real time to have friends anymore - plus the only thing I would really do with others was party, with the exception of my teenage years where I would play D&D.

As far as online friends, to such an extent that we would exchange emails, instant messages, or phone calls, that would be around 2006 or so. For Facebook, people would write to see how I was doing, but no real dialogue outside of satisfying their curiosity. That was mostly around 2011-2013

I think at a certain age, a lot of people stop having as many friends. Once retirement hits though, it appears to change course again and people start having more friends - at least that is how it seems with baby boomers. Perhaps people are just too busy, with work, possibly raising a family, taking care of their own parents as they grow older, and eventually as their commitments dwindle they find more time for friendships.


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## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Most of them have fell by the way side. There are a few that I still rarely communicate with. One only lives about an hour away, but I haven't seen him in person in quite some time.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

None as of 2019. I've had "brief acquaintances" in the past, but they always came and went after 2 to 4 months. If anything, I "mainly" have issues with forming close/long-term friendships (6 months or longer).


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

cybernaut said:


> None as of 2019. I've had "brief colleagues" in the past, but they always came and went after 2 to 4 months. If anything, I "mainly" have issues with forming close/long-term friendships (6 months or longer).


I have acquaintances but no close friends who I actually see often. There was one person making a lot of effort but he was very manipulative.


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## harry taylor (9 mo ago)

I have one close friend, with whom I share everything in my life when we met. One thing I want to tell you that one friend in everybody's life is important so that you can share your life's ups and downs resulting in your stress and anxiety release.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Currently that’s true but for me it has nothing to do with an inability to make friends, I can make friends most anywhere I go. I just never maintain relationships because I don’t want to constantly have to explain or justify my anxiety & depression or why I don’t believe it’ll ever get better, or why I’m not interested in telling all my problems to a stranger each week or eating mood altering pills with side effects that are addictive & don’t work…society says we’re always supposed to be working on self improvement & I don’t buy in at all. My anxiety & depression impacts all aspects of my life & my only goals are to get through the day, then week, then the month as best I can, that’s it, living like that bothers a lot of people


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

I have no friends in real life. I have a couple of online friends which I think counts.


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

I had a lot of acquaintances and about 4 or 5 very good friends throughout my highschool and college years. After graduating the acquaintances dried up very fast, some years later the very good friends disappeared as well and now I’m pretty much isolated. This is what happens when you are weird like me, I can’t maintain friendships, I’m not interested in it


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## All Is Well (Nov 25, 2011)

harrison said:


> I've still got a few people that I haven't managed to isolate myself from - it's pretty amazing they still keep in touch though tbh. I had more when I was younger but various things like moving cities and just my being so avoidant etc has taken it's toll.


Much like me.


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## All Is Well (Nov 25, 2011)

Socialmisfits said:


> I had a lot of acquaintances and about 4 or 5 very good friends throughout my highschool and college years. After graduating the acquaintances dried up very fast, some years later the very good friends disappeared as well and now I’m pretty much isolated. This is what happens when you are weird like me, I can’t maintain friendships, I’m not interested in it


That's exactly how things went with me too. I am still in contact with some close highschool friends online or over the phone. Otherwise no friends or close acquaintances as I don't participate in any social activity.


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

All Is Well said:


> That's exactly how things went with me too. I am still in contact with some close highschool friends online or over the phone. Otherwise no friends or close acquaintances as I don't participate in any social activity.


I don’t know if you can relate but even if they kept just texting every now and then for the next 50 years that would be good enough for me. I don’t feel the need to physically see and interact with them. I see myself as a very bad friend to have. I don’t attend baby showers or parties. It makes me very nervous.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Socialmisfits said:


> I don’t know if you can relate but even if they kept just texting every now and then for the next 50 years that would be good enough for me. I don’t feel the need to physically see and interact with them. I see myself as a very bad friend to have. I don’t attend baby showers or parties. It makes me very nervous.


I actually did try to be a good friend and ended up doing some brave things.


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## All Is Well (Nov 25, 2011)

Socialmisfits said:


> I don’t know if you can relate but even if they kept just texting every now and then for the next 50 years that would be good enough for me. I don’t feel the need to physically see and interact with them. I see myself as a very bad friend to have. I don’t attend baby showers or parties. It makes me very nervous.


I totally relate with what you said. I too haven't attended any social function for many years now. I feel too nervous and self-conscious to do so. Things like the overall failures in other areas of life (due to social anxiety) have also piled up and make me even more vulnerable and diffident around people who are more socially normal and successful in general.

I have made some overall progress in my day-to-day necessary social activities like going to the bank, market, shopping, etc. which were too overwhelming for me till a few years back. I am better able to manage these interactions as they are very short and predictable for the most part. 

But attending a full-blown social function where you need to interact with people - friends, acquaintances, neighbors, relatives, etc. - for a longer period of time, where things can be a bit unpredictable and where you need to be more communicative, spontaneous, talk, laugh, etc. make me nervous to the core, even if I just think about them...


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

@All Is Well 

I’m usually ok when it is just me out there. Like you said going to a supermarket or so on my own is very manageable because there is no social interaction required and if it happens it will stay very basic. I can pretend to be “cool” when it stays basic. 
The thing that scares me the most is that somehow I will become the center of attention and people all start actively looking at me and start listening to what I have to say. I for example cannot make a phonecall when someone is near me, I feel like they’re listening to me and judging me. When I make a dentist appointment I make sure I am alone and handle it as quickly as I can.

For my internship decades ago I had to do phonecalls, I was so bad at it that the boss decided to give me another task after just two days. After a week they completely gave up on me and had me do the dishes and errants. It was only then that I started to feel comfortable as it meant I didn’t have to interact with colleges or customers.

To this dayI still don’t know how I succeeded my college years because I was a very bad student. I honestly think I graduated out of pity


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Hmm something I've noticed.. I don't think the key to getting many friends is by being a good person, they seem to pick entertainment value.


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## m4m8 (12 mo ago)

Not at the moment. Previous experiences have made me reluctant to put in any effort to change that. I have my parents and brother, and we talk and meet regularly, so I'm not completely alone.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I have a couple of friends at the moment. None that I'm super close to but more than acquaintances.


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## blissfuldreams (7 mo ago)

I have no friends in real life. When I was in high school, I mostly had one friend and we kept in contact until 2015. The friendship turned toxic and she got married, so we stopped talking to each other. I have some online friends who I met starting in 2010. I'm still in contact with a couple of them.


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## MattyT97 (Mar 11, 2017)

I have no close friends anymore. I had had to walk away from my best friend because I had feeling for her and she wasn't interested in me and couldn't turn off those feelings if I stuck around


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I have two friends in my state that I can rely on but even out-of-state friends aren't that many. I'm just a loner through and through.


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## mamarika (6 mo ago)

It eventually got to the point to where I realized it wasn't worth it. And I usually wasn't really interested in any of the things most of the potential friends were either. Sports, mostly. Especially football. Seems like just about every guy I ever knew was into football and I hate it with a passion.


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## floyd the barber (10 mo ago)

When I was a teenager I had one friend from freshman high school, he and I were the only friends we had. He passed, ever since then I 've had nobody. At all.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

The years 2020-2022 have also been the first time in which I've had zero acquaintances. Previously, it's never been this bad. But, I believe that the pandemic, being unemployed for 2+ years, and being forced to move back to a crappy isolated area have been the main culprits of this. 

Hopefully, 2023 will be somewhat better. Typically, I'm able to make one to several acquaintances in public settings/institutions such as a school environment or some form of an organization. But, I know this aspect will not be possible until I successfully flee from this stagnated backward region I'm currently stuck in. 


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