# Is a guy/girl being Bi a turn off?



## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

I had a friend say to me once she will never go out with a bi guy because she can lose the guy to another guy so being bi is a huge turn off...

I also use an online dating site, all guys respond but no girls do..so I'm wondering if they don't respond due to me being bi-sexual.

All answers are private.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I'm a guy and I don't mind is winning! Fancy that.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I don't think it matters. Girl-girl is kinda hot, but if I am in a relationship then it's one that I expect to be monogamous. As long as she doesn't feel like she's missing something then it shouldn't matter.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

I'd be concerned about the girl being faithful. It could be fun and wild to have another girl join us for fun, but I wouldn't want to be dating either one.


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## Odinn (Dec 15, 2012)

farfegnugen said:


> I don't think it matters. Girl-girl is kinda hot, but if I am in a relationship then it's one that I expect to be monogamous. As long as she doesn't feel like she's missing something then it shouldn't matter.


^This.
I really wouldn't mind unless the person I am in a relationship with wanted multiple partners.


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## pythonesque (Jun 16, 2012)

Actually, most straight girls I've talked to just seem to be weirded out by the thought of being with a guy who's had gay sex. Fear of being dumped for a guy is more of a lesbian mentality.

And yes, it's very possible that girls aren't responding due to your being bisexual. Orientation is just one of the many areas they can be picky about in the rigorous window shopping routine of online dating.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Yip it's horrible.


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## Fledgling (Jan 1, 2013)

I think it's kinda hot. 

P.S. Your friend's argument is inane. Why must a specific gender be singled out? I don't get it. I think people should be looking at a person's character and not their orientation.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Bi girls = FTW!


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

I would not get into a relationship a woman like this. I already would have to worry about her running off with another dude now I have to worry about other women too? that's too much trouble for me.:no We probably could hang out though.


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## shelbster18 (Oct 8, 2011)

I don't think it's a turn-off at all. I went to see this one guy that works at Walmart and went on a date with him. He said that he wants to **** a guy. I thought it was hot. I know this might be a little off topic but I just think people should be attracted to whoever they want to be. He must be bi if he wants to **** a guy. I thought he was straight, though.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Seems like poor logic. They'd be just as likely to lose theirs to another girl. Just making equivocations for homophobia.

Go figure, being a straight bunny the thought of it appeases me.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

My boyfriend's bi and I don't especially mind. It has been rocky at times but so far at the moment he doesn't seem to be wanting such things, so yay (kinda xD). But yeah, being bi is still cool with me ^^


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

I used to think it was a turn off. I had a bisexual girl wanting to date me at one time and i wasn't really diggin the concept at the time. Having been cheated on in the past my mindset was "she'd be twice as likely to cheat on me since she's bi". While i do believe this particular girl would be more likely to cheat on me than others ...seeing that she had a GF when she "asked me out", i've learned to accept that this was not because she was bi. She was just a cheating **** pretty much, and her sexuality had nothing to do with that. I have seen the light.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

I don't know why people get the idea that bisexual is synonymous with polyamorous. :no If someone's going to dump you, it's not better or worse if you're replaced with a girl or a guy. The more options a bisexual has doesn't increase the likelihood that they'll cheat more than a straight or gay person. If your partner is an arsehole, they're going to cheat no matter what they're into.
A monogamous bisexual person doesn't feel like they're "missing out" any more than a monogamous straight guy who has a blonde girlfriend even though he really loves redheads too. :lol


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

kast said:


> I don't know why people get the idea that bisexual is synonymous with polyamorous. :no If someone's going to dump you, it's not better or worse if you're replaced with a girl or a guy. The more options a bisexual has doesn't increase the likelihood that they'll cheat more than a straight or gay person. If your partner is an arsehole, they're going to cheat no matter what they're into.
> A monogamous bisexual person doesn't feel like they're "missing out" any more than a monogamous straight guy who has a blonde girlfriend even though he really loves redheads too. :lol


Yeah, I never really understood that either. Sexual orientation isn't what determines whether a person's going to cheat or not, their personal morals do.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

^ It's because your parnter is already having hetero sex but not gay sex. Wouldn't s/he eventually want to scratch that itch for gay sex?


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

Having a bi partner means the competition is fiercer. :lol

To the op, at least you're honest. I wish everyone would be honest from the start.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

kast said:


> I don't know why people get the idea that bisexual is synonymous with polyamorous. :no If someone's going to dump you, it's not better or worse if you're replaced with a girl or a guy. The more options a bisexual has doesn't increase the likelihood that they'll cheat more than a straight or gay person. If your partner is an arsehole, they're going to cheat no matter what they're into.
> *A monogamous bisexual person doesn't feel like they're "missing out" any more than a monogamous straight guy who has a blonde girlfriend even though he really loves redheads too.* :lol


I know what you mean here but... that's really not a good comparison. I have no problem with a guy being bi(I find it attractive actually), but personally I might feel more insecure because he might be longning for peen or something that I can't provide. I have no self-esteem as it is. I'd worry that he was having fantasies about guys. I would hope to be able to handle it, but I think I'd find it hard. It wouldn't stop me from dating someone I liked who was bi, but still.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

nubly said:


> ^ It's because your parnter is already having hetero sex but not gay sex. *Wouldn't s/he eventually want to scratch that itch for gay sex?*


This is what the pro "screw anything that moves" crowd does not understand. The minute you hop down with a "bi" person soon they will be wanting to bring others into bed and then it's a pandora's box being open. It's a shame a straight male can't ask for a woman that likes only men or a straight woman can't ask for a man that just likes women. I feel as if the "screw anything that moves" crowd wants to wipe out all people who only like the opposite sex.


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## ACCV93 (Sep 6, 2012)

probably offline said:


> I know what you mean here but... that's really not a good comparison. I have no problem with a guy being bi(I find it attractive actually), but personally *I might feel more insecure because he might be longning for peen or something that I can't provide. I have no self-esteem as it is. I'd worry that he was having fantasies about guys. I would hope to be able to handle it, but I think I'd find it hard.* It wouldn't stop me from dating someone I liked who was bi, but still.


This is a_ very_ good point.

If I was in a relationship with someone I really liked and they told me they were bi, I wouldn't care. It doesn't change a thing about who they are as a person. BUT it definitely make things a little more complicated...


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

As long as my partner wants to be with me, I could care less what other thoughts they may or may not be having. It would be perfectly acceptable to have a bi boyfriend that was with other men, as long as I was permitted to also be with other women. If I really cared about someone, I'd be more interested in their satisfaction than in my jealousy and ego.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

probably offline said:


> I know what you mean here but... that's really not a good comparison. I have no problem with a guy being bi(I find it attractive actually), but personally I might feel more insecure because he might be longning for peen or something that I can't provide. I have no self-esteem as it is. I'd worry that he was having fantasies about guys. I would hope to be able to handle it, but I think I'd find it hard. It wouldn't stop me from dating someone I liked who was bi, but still.


That's understandable, and I guess blonde/redhead is a bit of a stretch but there is still truth to it. I can't speak for other bisexual people, but personally the longing for the other gender is not really an issue and I'm not going to look at someone and think "damn she's beautiful but I wish this girl had a penis and some chest hair" lol. I think it's normal for everyone to still feel attraction and have meaningless fantasies for people who aren't their partners, whether they're gay straight or bi. You don't really feel like you're missing out because your partner is your partner for a reason.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

kast said:


> That's understandable, and I guess blonde/redhead is a bit of a stretch but there is still truth to it. I can't speak for other bisexual people, but personally the longing for the other gender is not really an issue and I'm not going to look at someone and think "damn she's beautiful but I wish this girl had a penis and some chest hair" lol. I think it's normal for everyone to still feel attraction and have meaningless fantasies for people who aren't their partners, whether they're gay straight or bi. You don't really feel like you're missing out because your partner is your partner for a reason.


Yeah, I definitely understand your point. I think that another worry that the straight person in these situations can have, is wondering about wether this person actually *is* bi, or on his/her way of coming out of the closet "completely". It's not uncommon that people identify as bi for quite some time before they come out. I've known several guys who did this, myself. Especially if the person who's bi is young. Nobody wants to be the person that the gay party "experiments" with until realizing that they were fooling themselves.


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

No. What is with these threads?


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Insecurity will find something to prey upon regardless of the sexuality of your partner. To say it's a preference rather than an irrational fear is to concede to it. 

I agree with everything Kast said, as per usual.


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## BrookeHannigan (Mar 29, 2012)

Turn off for me
I actually asked my bf this question a long time ago he said it would have been a real turn off for him.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

It's a neither a turn-on, nor a turn-off for me.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

It would kind of be a turn-off, I'm not going to lie. I wouldn't reject someone as a partner solely because of it, if I truly liked them.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

probably offline said:


> I know what you mean here but... that's really not a good comparison. I have no problem with a guy being bi(I find it attractive actually), but personally *I might feel more insecure because he might be longning for peen or something that I can't provide.* I have no self-esteem as it is. I'd worry that he was having fantasies about guys. I would hope to be able to handle it, but I think I'd find it hard. It wouldn't stop me from dating someone I liked who was bi, but still.


Maybe you could try using a strap-on with him. It might be fun switching roles in that way. :yes


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> Maybe you could try using a strap-on with him. It might be fun switching roles in that way. :yes


Been there, done that :yes

(but there are still certain things that are... gender specific... nudge nudge etc)


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

probably offline said:


> Been there, done that :yes
> 
> (but there are still certain things that are... gender specific... nudge nudge etc)


:b
Well at least we have boobs. That makes up for everything.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> :b
> Well at least we have boobs. That makes up for everything.


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## mardymoo (Jan 8, 2013)

It wouldn't faze me if they're safe.


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## Talgonite (Sep 1, 2011)

I'm part of the "Screw anything" crowd yay!

I'm sorry but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone that would want to have sex with ONLY me for the rest of their lives.

I wouldn't and don't condone cheating. If they wanted to play with others I would have to be invited and vice versa.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

As long as they are seeing me, I don't care.


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## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

i can understand peoples point of view but it really varies between person to person

i mean yeah maybe a bi person would cheat on the opposite gender they are in a relationship because they aren't being sexually satisfied by both genders, craving the other one...but that doesnt mean a straight guy wouldn't cheat on a girl to be sexually satisfied by another girl because his wife/gf couldn't satisfy him enough. (same going for straight girls)...it happens all the time haha


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## ponyboy (Dec 9, 2012)

Talgonite said:


> I'm part of the "Screw anything" crowd yay!
> 
> I'm sorry but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone that would want to have sex with ONLY me for the rest of their lives.
> 
> I wouldn't and don't condone cheating. If they wanted to play with others I would have to be invited and vice versa.


As a bi girl, I agree completely. The only way I could be in a long-term relationship is if they are open to that. And safe always, of course.


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## jim_morrison (Aug 17, 2008)

To be honest it's a turn off, I guess I'm insecure and don't want to have an extra 50% of people to compete with.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Bi girl here. Definitely don't mind.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

To find out that my gf (if I had one) is bi would be disappointing to me. There are twice the chances to cheat on me, with the boys and with the girls.


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## flamingwind (Jan 1, 2013)

I find it hot if a girl is bi. I have zero interest in guys so they can do whatever they want as long as it has nothing to do with me


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Its not a turn on, but I wouldn't go as far as calling it a turn off either. Like others have said, having low self esteem often brings a lot of insecurity into a relationship, so that worry that they want what you can't give them would always be there lurking.

I find it hard to answer these questions so generally, since its different for everyone you like on an individual basis.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

I'm queer (a lesbian, if you will) and although sometimes I think I might be bi (I only find men physically attractive. Maybe it's because sometimes I wish I were one) but I don't trust bi girls, because to me I believe they just want sexual experience with women because they're tired of men. And I find that annoying.


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## Picturesque (Jan 13, 2013)

I'm a guy and I don't mind.


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## ponyboy (Dec 9, 2012)

mysterioussoul said:


> I'm queer (a lesbian, if you will) and although sometimes I think I might be bi (I only find men physically attractive. Maybe it's because sometimes I wish I were one) but I don't trust bi girls, because to me I believe they just want sexual experience with women because they're tired of men. And I find that annoying.


It seems a lot of people feel this way about bisexuals and it's sad. If you're a bi girl, they think you're actually straight and just "experimenting" and if you're a bi guy, they think you're just gay and in denial.
Girls seem to be more curious and it takes a while for some to find their true sexuality. I knew a few girls like this when I was a teenager, nothing wrong with it. Some turned out to be straight, one turned out to be a lesbian. I happen to be bisexual and I've liked girls (and guys) for as long as I can remember.


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## M90 (Jan 10, 2013)

little toaster said:


> I'd be concerned about the girl being faithful. It could be fun and wild to have another girl join us for fun, but I wouldn't want to be dating either one.


^What he said.


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## The Quiet Girl (Aug 10, 2012)

Faithfulness has nothing to do with sexuality. But I don't mind bisexuality, I'm bi myself.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

nubly said:


> ^ It's because your parnter is already having hetero sex but not gay sex. Wouldn't s/he eventually want to scratch that itch for gay sex?


it's actually possible to not have sex with every single person you're attracted to


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

Major turn off. Pick your poison.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

*


ponyboy said:



It seems a lot of people feel this way about bisexuals and it's sad. If you're a bi girl, they think you're actually straight and just "experimenting" and if you're a bi guy, they think you're just gay and in denial.
Girls seem to be more curious and it takes a while for some to find their true sexuality. I knew a few girls like this when I was a teenager, nothing wrong with it. Some turned out to be straight, one turned out to be a lesbian. I happen to be bisexual and I've liked girls (and guys) for as long as I can remember.

Click to expand...

*I don't feel this way about all bi women. It's only the ones on dating sites that say they want a hot women and have sexually explicit photos of themselves. You can generally deduce that they only want to date women for the sex.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

fingertips said:


> it's actually possible to not have sex with every single person you're attracted to


Right. It's a good thing I never said that.


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