# Ashley's Progress Journal



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

I thought it would be a great idea to start a thread where I can post about efforts I have made on a daily basis to get outside of my comfort zone and grow as an individual.

Some background information about myself:

•I'm 23 years old.
•I have anxiety and depression. 
•I have been on SSRI's, however, I have chosen to stop taking them.
•I dropped out of college last year, and I am in the process of applying towards another program of study.
•I don't have my drivers license.
•I have no friends.
•I live at home.
•I have a crappy job.
•TFW no boyfriend  lol.

Anyways, I am in the process of reading this book you may or may not have heard of called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." This book has really inspired me to take charge of my life. It is so easy to blame other people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situations. This book teaches you to be PROACTIVE. To acknowledge mistakes, and instantly correct and learn from it. The way we respond to mistakes is what truly hurts us the most. I 100% agree, that I have chosen to dwell in negativity, when I could have responded differently. Although this book isn't meant specifically for those struggling with SA I feel as though it can be beneficial towards recovery. Just learning to take those small baby steps towards the right direction can make a huge difference in our lives. 

I have wasted way too much time the past 5 years, paralyzed, unable to make progress with my life. I do not want to keep stagnating and regret my younger years by the time I've reached my 30s, 40s and beyond. TODAY is the day I am going to strive to excel in all aspects of my life. "If you wait to be acted upon, you will be acted upon." 

I invite any of you reading this thread to post your thoughts, and even your own accomplishments, no matter how small they may be.

Good Luck


----------



## magic flute (Dec 26, 2013)

Ashley90 said:


> I have wasted way too much time the past 5 years, paralyzed, unable to make progress with my life. I do not want to keep stagnating and regret my younger years by the time I've reached my 30s, 40s and beyond. TODAY is the day I am going to strive to excel in all aspects of my life. "If you wait to be acted upon, you will be acted upon."
> 
> I invite any of you reading this thread to post your thoughts, and even your own accomplishments, no matter how small they may be.
> 
> Good Luck


I know the book - have it in hard copy and audiobook - very slick advice

good for you

there's a blog section on the site where you might get followed more :yes

I will keep an eye on how you are progressing


----------



## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

sounds a lot like me. good luck with the journal and hopefully it'll help you stick to you goals.

question: you said you've been on SSRI's but stopped, why? i'm currently tapering off myself.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

magic flute said:


> I know the book - have it in hard copy and audiobook - very slick advice
> 
> good for you
> 
> ...


oops! Was unaware that there was a blog section. I haven't been on this site much until two days ago. :b


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Very good book! Good luck with this, maybe if you push yourself and make some good progress this will inspire others too


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Elad said:


> sounds a lot like me. good luck with the journal and hopefully it'll help you stick to you goals.
> 
> question: you said you've been on SSRI's but stopped, why? i'm currently tapering off myself.


I didn't like the way I felt when I took SSRI's. No more anxiety, but also no more laughter or positive feelings. It isn't right when you're watching a comedy and don't have the urge to laugh. I don't want to be a zombie :|

SSRI's gave me side effects like acid reflux, more occurences of sleep paralysis, and my libido was completely dead. I felt as though they were simply a temporary bandaid to my problems. They did not help me solve the root of my issues.

I've taken up weight lifting the past year and it has helped me SO MUCH. I just feel less anxious, and have a better positive outlook after I have a good workout session. Also gaining strength and seeing results in my physique have given me some confidence, that I hope will reflect in other aspects of my life. This coming new year I would like to make the habit of meditating daily, and practicing yoga 2-3 times a week. I am also very interested in signing up for Muay Thai classes.  I think being healthy physically will also result in a better state of mental health.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

crimeclub said:


> Very good book! Good luck with this, maybe if you push yourself and make some good progress this will inspire others too


Thank you  I hope so! That would be amazing :yes


----------



## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

Ashley90 said:


> I didn't like the way I felt when I took SSRI's. No more anxiety, but also no more laughter or positive feelings. It isn't right when you're watching a comedy and don't have the urge to laugh. I don't want to be a zombie :|
> 
> SSRI's gave me side effects like acid reflux, more occurences of sleep paralysis, and my libido was completely dead. I felt as though they were simply a temporary bandaid to my problems. They did not help me solve the root of my issues.
> 
> I've taken up weight lifting the past year and it has helped me SO MUCH. I just feel less anxious, and have a better positive outlook after I have a good workout session. Also gaining strength and seeing results in my physique have given me some confidence, that I hope will reflect in other aspects of my life. This coming new year I would like to make the habit of meditating daily, and practicing yoga 2-3 times a week. I am also very interested in signing up for Muay Thai classes.  I think being healthy physically will also result in a better state of mental health.


I was also on medication for anxiety, depression, anti-psychotics and to help me sleep for years. It made me gain weight, lose all motivation and not feel like myself. I've been off of all drugs for two years and all medications since 2010 and I feel much better. I sleep great, I feel great and I look much better. I do feel more anxiety, but through diet, exercise and changing my way of thinking I feel much more content with myself. I wouldn't go back to the way I was before. Learning healthier, natural ways to cope seems like a better idea to me.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Good for you Ashley - I agree about the SSRI's too - I just stopped mine as well. They really do make you feel sort of numb. With me they make things tolerable, but at a considerable cost. I would rather learn how to tolerate life without them now.

I've seen that book around but it's exactly the type of book I would avoid - not because there's anything wrong with it - I'm just no good with self-help type books and have enormous difficulty concentrating. It;s good you're doing it so we can live vicariously through you. 

Plus I love all the exercise you're doing - so much better than taking pills - especially for someone your age. I am in the process of psyching myself up to start going to my local gym - it's a big thing for me to do - I feel very self-conscious about that sort of thing, but I really need to get a bit fitter. Putting it down like this sort of makes me have to go through with it. 

Good for you anyhow!!


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

JH1983 said:


> I was also on medication for anxiety, depression, anti-psychotics and to help me sleep for years. It made me gain weight, lose all motivation and not feel like myself. I've been off of all drugs for two years and all medications since 2010 and I feel much better. I sleep great, I feel great and I look much better. I do feel more anxiety, but through diet, exercise and changing my way of thinking I feel much more content with myself. I wouldn't go back to the way I was before. Learning healthier, natural ways to cope seems like a better idea to me.


Congrats! That is awesome to hear  
I myself continue to feel anxious in social situations but besides that my general outlook is much more positive due to being health conscious.


----------



## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Good for you. Love this positivity. Best of luck.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

don36 said:


> Good for you Ashley - I agree about the SSRI's too - I just stopped mine as well. They really do make you feel sort of numb. With me they make things tolerable, but at a considerable cost. I would rather learn how to tolerate life without them now.
> 
> I've seen that book around but it's exactly the type of book I would avoid - not because there's anything wrong with it - I'm just no good with self-help type books and have enormous difficulty concentrating. It;s good you're doing it so we can live vicariously through you.
> 
> ...


I was extremely nervous when I first began attending the gym. I still do get anxious when I see people staring at me. The main thing that helped me was to come prepared. If you are new to it all, I suggest going to an orientation to learn how to use all of the equipment properly. Then I would research exercises here, and figure out what kind of routine I will be doing beforehand, so that I don't wander the gym aimlessly. I carry a small notebook with me to the gym, where I write down my routine, and during my workout I jot down the weight, reps, and sets I do. I also find wearing headphones and listening to your favorite music helps  It will tune you out from the world and your issues. You will be 100% focused on your workout. It is just an amazing feeling


----------



## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Ashley90 said:


> I didn't like the way I felt when I took SSRI's. No more anxiety, but also no more laughter or positive feelings. It isn't right when you're watching a comedy and don't have the urge to laugh. I don't want to be a zombie :|
> 
> SSRI's gave me side effects like acid reflux, more occurences of sleep paralysis, and my libido was completely dead. I felt as though they were simply a temporary bandaid to my problems. They did not help me solve the root of my issues.
> 
> I've taken up weight lifting the past year and it has helped me SO MUCH. I just feel less anxious, and have a better positive outlook after I have a good workout session. Also gaining strength and seeing results in my physique have given me some confidence, that I hope will reflect in other aspects of my life. This coming new year I would like to make the habit of meditating daily, and practicing yoga 2-3 times a week. I am also very interested in signing up for Muay Thai classes.  I think being healthy physically will also result in a better state of mental health.


I can understand that, which is why I'm coming off mine. The lack of enjoyment out of things makes motivation to do them hard, although not having high anxiety is nice.. it has its cost.

Anyway wish you the best with your goals, and hopefully you can keep the workout high ongoing - that's always been the challenge for me.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

missamanda said:


> Good for you. Love this positivity. Best of luck.


Thank you


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Elad said:


> I can understand that, which is why I'm coming off mine. The lack of enjoyment out of things makes motivation to do them hard, although not having high anxiety is nice.. it has its cost.
> 
> Anyway wish you the best with your goals, and hopefully you can keep the workout high ongoing - that's always been the challenge for me.


Thanks  Good luck with your goals as well


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Read this wonderful blog entry today that I wanted to share in this thread 

It is by Robin Sharma (a Canadian lawyer, author, and leadership expert).

*Your Days Define Your Life
*
Big idea: Your days are your life in miniature. As you live your days, so you craft your life. What you do today is actually creating your future. The words you speak, the thoughts you think, the food you eat and the actions you take are defining your destiny - shaping who you are becoming and what your life will stand for. There's no such thing as an unimportant day.
Each of us is called to greatness. Each of us has an exquisite power within us. But for this power to grow, we need to use it. The more you exercise it each day, the stronger it gets. The more this power gets tapped, the more confident you grow.
The best among us are not more gifted than the rest. They just take small steps each day as they march towards their biggest life. And the days slip into weeks, the weeks into months and before they know it, they arrive at a place called Extraordinary.

Read more here.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Here is an excerpt from the book that totally applies to people suffering from SA:

*Our personal environment is also changing at an ever-increasing pace. Such rapid change burns out a large number of people who feel they can hardly handle it, can hardly cope with life. They become reactive and essentially give up, hoping that the things that happen to them will be good*

*...According to Victor Frankl, many so-called mental and emotional illnesses are really symptoms of an underlying sense of meaninglessness or emptiness. He developed logotherapy, which eliminates that emptiness by helping the individual to detect his unique meaning, his mission in life.*

I will definitely be reading Frankl's work in the near future


----------



## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

Ashley90 said:


> Here is an excerpt from the book that totally applies to people suffering from SA:
> 
> *Our personal environment is also changing at an ever-increasing pace. Such rapid change burns out a large number of people who feel they can hardly handle it, can hardly cope with life. They become reactive and essentially give up, hoping that the things that happen to them will be good*
> 
> ...


I read his book, "Man's Search for Meaning," and it was very sad, inspiring, and life changing. I would definitely recommend it.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 1:*

Today I actually accomplished a few things 

1. I'm not a fan of facebook, but I reactivated my account which I deleted back in September. I was feeling sick of my friends, although they didn't really do anything very awful, I perceived some of their actions to be threatening. I haven't talked to any of them since September. Today I wished a few of them a merry belated Christmas. I might meet one of them on Tuesday for a movie  There is one other friend, I am not too sure if I want to rekindle our friendship. She brought a lot of negativity into my life, and I don't know if i want to bother with her.

2. If you look back at one of the threads I started, I missed our family Christmas day party. There is one part of my dad's family that I have cut contact with the past 5 years, and they were coming over to my family's house. I've been consistently ruining Christmas for all my other family members because of this issue. Anyways I am not ready to see or talk to this family just yet. My other cousin who I am on good terms with gave me a gift on Christmas which my sister passed on to me yesterday, as well as my other aunt and uncle (who I'm in good terms with). Today I walked to their house and thanked my cousin and uncle for their gifts. I also gave my cousin a few gifts, hugged her, and wished her Merry Christmas. This took guts for me, because normally I hate talking to people face to face, and I get really nervous for confrontations. Plus it's awkward because they know I am avoiding my other aunt, uncle and cousins.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 2:*

1. Went to church with my family for the first time in months. Normally I'm too anxious and lazy to go.

2. Went to the gym and had a few decent conversations with the gym attendant (in which I initiated first). Normally, I'd just greet back if someone greets me first.


----------



## thisismeyo (Feb 15, 2013)

hey I read that same book!! )

good luck with your progress


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

thisismeyo said:


> hey I read that same book!! )
> 
> good luck with your progress


Thank you  Awesome... I'm loving it so far! Very eye opening for me.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 3:*

Spent less time secluded inside my bedroom today. Today's focus was repairing my relationship with my family. We had a rough week because of me. I did a lot of cooking and cleaning and now I'm spending some quality time watching a movie with them.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 4:*

First time going out and seeing a friend in months. Pretty much cut everyone out of my life for awhile. Everything was alright, mildly awkard. Also walked through the mall and didn't get an anxiety attack from the large crowd.


----------



## ToughUnderdog (Jul 7, 2013)

Ashley90 said:


> *DAY 4:*
> 
> First time going out and seeing a friend in months. Pretty much cut everyone out of my life for awhile. Everything was alright, mildly awkard. Also walked through the mall and didn't get an anxiety attack from the large crowd.


That sounds like real progress right there! Malls can be very exhausting during the holidays so congrats on that.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Thank you


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Great motivational video to start off 2014! 

CLICK HERE


----------



## kuhan1923 (Oct 28, 2012)

Great idea ashley! I'll follow a long this thread, great to see you trying to be productive and positive, and spreading some motivation for others too


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

kuhan1923 said:


> Great idea ashley! I'll follow a long this thread, great to see you trying to be productive and positive, and spreading some motivation for others too


Thank you for your support :yes


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 5:*

Currently disappointed with myself. The family I haven't spoken to in years is coming over and my dad won't let me leave the house as it is snowing and most businesses are closed. I'm currently in my room and barricaded the door...yes paranoid. I'm not ready to face them yet, way too big of a step for me at the moment. Hopefully once they go I'll be able to continue being productive. Will update thread again later.


----------



## Laceration (Dec 29, 2013)

Hi Ashley! I hope it goes well for you. My SA (I supposed it's "light") has been holding me back for years. It's not easy.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Laceration said:


> Hi Ashley! I hope it goes well for you. My SA (I supposed it's "light") has been holding me back for years. It's not easy.


Thank you...I know what you mean. Good luck with your goals


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

I haven't forgotten about this thread. I won't abandon it! 
The past couple days have been rough for me. I've been insomniac and my depression has been worse than usual. I don't know why...maybe because i'm in the middle of a blizzard and its really dark and depressing. I have not done anything to expand my comfort zone. Tomorrow I will be out all day, hopefully I will get a chance to take some positive action.

*EDIT:* I actually forgot that yesterday I rekindled another one of my lost friendships. Hadn't talked to the person in months. Judging by the way the conversation went, I have no desire to be close friends with the individual. Now i remember why I cut them out of my life.


----------



## ToughUnderdog (Jul 7, 2013)

Yeah, just try to keep yourself busy to avoid the feelings of depression and anxiety. I noticed that last night before I went to bed. Gotta read a book and then call it a night. 

Being cooped up inside with bad weather is never fun. I live in the second rainiest state in the U.S. so I know what bad weather is. Definitely might take a look at SoCal.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 9:*

Today I attempted something that I've been procrastinating the past 5 years. I'm not going to say what, because its sort of personal, but it relates to my dream job, and it DEFINITELY outside of my comfort zone. I attempted it, haven't completed it yet. But now I have a better understanding of what I have to do to get the job done. I'll be attempting it again tomorrow.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

ToughUnderdog said:


> Yeah, just try to keep yourself busy to avoid the feelings of depression and anxiety. I noticed that last night before I went to bed. Gotta read a book and then call it a night.
> 
> Being cooped up inside with bad weather is never fun. I live in the second rainiest state in the U.S. so I know what bad weather is. Definitely might take a look at SoCal.


I know how you feel! I lived in Vancouver, Canada and it was basically like the Seattle of Canada. Non stop rain all year round. I love SoCal, i'd move there in a heart beat


----------



## INFPGamer (Jun 15, 2013)

Congrats on your progress! 

ah you're in Michigan too! Boy's it's been fun the past several days shoveling the darn driveway! I woke up today and was like "Yeah! It didn't snow! Woohoo!"


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

INFPGamer said:


> Congrats on your progress!
> 
> ah you're in Michigan too! Boy's it's been fun the past several days shoveling the darn driveway! I woke up today and was like "Yeah! It didn't snow! Woohoo!"


lol, its been awful. I hate walking my dog in this weather...almost fell so many times, plus his paws get all cold so I end up carrying him.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 14:*

I've been working on making my dream job a reality. I got my website set-up, and have been working on the layout and what not. Also made small chit chat with random old people on the street today...i still have issues holding eye contact with people though. Also almost done applying to a new University for a new program, hopefully I'll be accepted for this spring semester!


----------



## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

Good to hear you are making progress. Baby steps, one step at a time.


Ashley90 said:


> *DAY 14:*
> 
> I've been working on making my dream job a reality. I got my website set-up, and have been working on the layout and what not. Also made small chit chat with random old people on the street today...i still have issues holding eye contact with people though. Also almost done applying to a new University for a new program, hopefully I'll be accepted for this spring semester!


----------



## stewartoo7 (Mar 6, 2013)

will be keeping a eye on this thread


----------



## maryaisleen (Jan 14, 2014)

Hi. I just wanted to share with you that its never to late to start on your goals. Like you I didn't have my divers licence.I didn't get mine till I was 25! I was always nervous that I would be bad driver or that I would never learn but I made that my goal for 2013 and I got my licence in June of last year.It wasn't as bad as I had expected and now I think driving is pretty fun and it gives you freedom and has raised my self esteem cause I not so dependent upon others for simple thing.I wish you luck in all your goals don't give up and keep working toward them even if you have a bad day or a slip up here and there reaching your goals will change your life for the better.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

maryaisleen said:


> Hi. I just wanted to share with you that its never to late to start on your goals. Like you I didn't have my divers licence.I didn't get mine till I was 25! I was always nervous that I would be bad driver or that I would never learn but I made that my goal for 2013 and I got my licence in June of last year.It wasn't as bad as I had expected and now I think driving is pretty fun and it gives you freedom and has raised my self esteem cause I not so dependent upon others for simple thing.I wish you luck in all your goals don't give up and keep working toward them even if you have a bad day or a slip up here and there reaching your goals will change your life for the better.


Thanks for your encouraging words 
I've actually had my permit for around the last 4 years but i've been too afraid to do my driving test...i've rescheduled and cancelled maybe 10 times lol :|


----------



## Meehan (Jan 2, 2014)

wow this is great, i recently made a group on facebook! for people with sad and were working to all help each other! I feel like you would get alot out of it and help alot of people! heres my facebook page by the way! https://www.facebook.com/patrick.meehan.7505


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

*DAY 21*

Continued to make more efforts throughout the week to be more social and talk to strangers. Finished applying to University. It took me so long because I had to request all these transcripts from my old schools that are coming from a different country. I'm also planning to apply to a few other different programs at other colleges as a back up plan. Also been working on ideas for my business, and will hopefully be implementing them ASAP.


----------



## kuhan1923 (Oct 28, 2012)

Good stuff Ashley, you gonna get accepted soon and kickass imo. I'll be graduating when i'm like 27-28, so you're not alone in this. I had to reapply off a 1.98 gpa/academic probation and was surprised i got accepted!

You got this, we're all gonna make it yo. Hope everything else is going great for you, including lifting and training. Keep your head up.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

kuhan1923 said:


> Good stuff Ashley, you gonna get accepted soon and kickass imo. I'll be graduating when i'm like 27-28, so you're not alone in this. I had to reapply off a 1.98 gpa/academic probation and was surprised i got accepted!
> 
> You got this, we're all gonna make it yo. Hope everything else is going great for you, including lifting and training. Keep your head up.


Ahhh nice hearing from you! Its been awhile 
Thanks for your continuous support. Hope everything is excellent on your end


----------



## Joe (May 18, 2010)

good luck!


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

BBQ_Chicken said:


> good luck!


Thank you


----------



## Meehan (Jan 2, 2014)

I recentyl watched the secret on youtube and thanks to other events in my life, I feel finally motivated and im done waiting for things to happen. Im going to make things happen for myself. I see change and i know anything is possible, I also started running agian! i plan on running faster than ever! im also going to chase my dreams, like speaking on tedx!! lifes to short id rather fail at what i love than succeed at what i hate. so happy to hear your doing well, dont let sad control you, rather tell your self im fully healthy I sometimes have anxiety in social settings but thats okay.


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Meehan said:


> I recentyl watched the secret on youtube and thanks to other events in my life, I feel finally motivated and im done waiting for things to happen. Im going to make things happen for myself. I see change and i know anything is possible, I also started running agian! i plan on running faster than ever! im also going to chase my dreams, like speaking on tedx!! lifes to short id rather fail at what i love than succeed at what i hate. so happy to hear your doing well, dont let sad control you, rather tell your self im fully healthy I sometimes have anxiety in social settings but thats okay.


Great mindset 

Good luck with all of your goals!


----------



## ToughUnderdog (Jul 7, 2013)

Meehan said:


> I recentyl watched the secret on youtube and thanks to other events in my life, I feel finally motivated and im done waiting for things to happen. Im going to make things happen for myself. I see change and i know anything is possible, I also started running agian! i plan on running faster than ever! im also going to chase my dreams, like speaking on tedx!! *lifes to short id rather fail at what i love than succeed at what i hate*. so happy to hear your doing well, dont let sad control you, rather tell your self im fully healthy I sometimes have anxiety in social settings but thats okay.


That's a very good point you made above. It's better to fail at something you're passionate about as opposed to succeeding in something you hate. I have a couple of ideas running in my head that are holding me back because I have somewhat of an aversion for failure.

I'll have to check out that youtube video too.


----------



## handsup (Jun 22, 2013)

You look like a good girl, best wishes to you!


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

handsup said:


> You look like a good girl, best wishes to you!


Thank you 

I'd like to think so haha.


----------



## brent99 (Dec 24, 2013)

Well done for taking that first big step and following through everyday. It's incredibly hard at times but don't you just feel so alive when you've overcome some obstacle/fear! 

I'm going to subscribe to your thread, keep up the great progress!


----------



## Ashley90 (Apr 11, 2011)

Thanks!

I agree! Every step outside of your comfort zone gives you a little more confidence each day


----------

