# weird to be saying this...but i got a date



## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

I never thought I would get a date. And I guess it is not an official date, but I think unofficially. Funnily enough, it is on my crush who I could not get out of my head for the past 2 mths. She texted me out of the blue so I advanced things enough to "catch up". I have no idea why she is liking me, she is so much better looking, and I'm sure once my true awkward self comes out on the date that will be the end of things. 

Still, I'm super proud of myself for pushing things such that I'm actually going on a date..particularly with a girl I like.

Of course, I'm nervous as hell, don't even know how I'm going to do the date, don't know what to order (I don't drink coffee), but I guess it's going to happen.


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## EchoIX (Jul 5, 2015)

Congrats! Have fun! 
Whatever you do, don't whip it out and make it go like a helicopter. It took me like twenty times until a lady was nice enough to actually tell me that's NOT step one, which I had mixed up with step ten "ask questions about how her day is." Boy, if I had known that, I would not have all these love letters-I mean, restraining orders. 

But seriously dude, have a blast.


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## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

EchoIX said:


> Congrats! Have fun!
> Whatever you do, don't whip it out and make it go like a helicopter. It took me like twenty times until a lady was nice enough to actually tell me that's NOT step one, which I had mixed up with step ten "ask questions about how her day is." Boy, if I had known that, I would not have all these love letters-I mean, restraining orders.
> 
> But seriously dude, have a blast.


Haha thanks man. My goal is to survive. I'm probably most scared just of the intial meeting and the whole finding a table and sitting down. Do I hug or not? I tend to be awkward at that. Pay or not if she's late? When we leave I give a hug, right?


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## Hermiter (Dec 15, 2013)

Glad to hear you were confident enough to go through with it. Try to see her as your equal.


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## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

Hermiter said:


> Glad to hear you were confident enough to go through with it. Try to see her as your equal.


Well I haven't gone through with it yet...though I plan to. I'm at least gonna try to get there and at the very worst, it'll just be a terrible first date. that's ok. I'll still be alive at the end, at least that's what I'm telling myself.


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## EchoIX (Jul 5, 2015)

stinky said:


> Haha thanks man. My goal is to survive. I'm probably most scared just of the intial meeting and the whole finding a table and sitting down. Do I hug or not? I tend to be awkward at that. Pay or not if she's late? When we leave I give a hug, right?


My rule is "first one's on me" because you invited her to the outing. After that, ya'll can each pay your own. If she protests, you're going to have to play it by ear. But generally, I find that if someone likes you-they'll be cool with paying their own way, and even paying for you.

I'd say you can go for a hug, but why does it have to be a hug? Why not just touch her arm gently? Hugs can be awkward. But a light touch can be engaging. Your hand doesn't have to linger, but it lets the other person know you like them enough to actually touch them. I find that it's far less awkward than a full-on hug.

Have a conversation, and make note of eye contact. If you want, you can at some point take her hand.

It sounds kind of bold, but if she likes you-she likely won't pull away. You don't have to say anything, and don't wait too long when you decide you want to do it. If she does pull away, then that's probably the info you need either way, make sense?

The thing to keep in mind is, you cannot know what she's thinking and you cannot control how she responds. What you can do is take a step, if nothing else it will give you an idea as to where it's going.
If she likes where it's going, she may even sort of want to give you a hug at the end.

Remember, if you're feeling anxious-that's okay. She might be feeling anxious too. I find asking someone questions helps keep me focused. When I'm focused on their story-I'm less prone to sit and wonder what they're thinking. This is easier said than done. All of it is. You don't have to take it all word for word. This isn't some kind of weird pick-up secret. It's more about testing the waters, to see where ya'll stand.

Oh and here's a thought-maybe for your date you can go do an activity instead of dinner. I find having an activity to do together like shooting pool, bowling, or anything where you can actually take the time to talk-tends to help. Who knows, you might find something funny to say.

Also, don't ask about what sort of activity. You're inviting her, so pick one and tell her. If she really doesn't like it, she'll let you know, then offer an alternative. If she doesn't like that-then go for coffee and wing it. You don't need to offer more than one or two alternatives, if she's disagreeable to all of them-then that's her problem. Not yours. Not much else you can do.
Oh, and if you're going with "first one's on me" pay even if she's late. I should change that to pay _even though_ she'll be late. It's highly likely she will be. First time or every now and again is fine. But if it's a habit it just means the other party doesn't respect your time enough to adjust their schedule to meet you on time. I think the implications aren't lost on you.

Hope this helps, chummer.

*EDIT:* I'd say don't go for hand-holding until the second date if you're that nervous about it. Work up a rapport if there is to be one. Sorry, I should have made that clear. If she's interested in seeing you again, then go for it because if nothing else-it will let her know what page you're on and after that it's in her court.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Ah, the "stealth date", they don't think of it as one so they go, and end up liking you. takes the pressure off because it is not officially a date so you can be more relaxed and casual about it, just focus on having a good time.


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## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

EchoIX said:


> My rule is "first one's on me" because you invited her to the outing. After that, ya'll can each pay your own. If she protests, you're going to have to play it by ear. But generally, I find that if someone likes you-they'll be cool with paying their own way, and even paying for you.
> 
> I'd say you can go for a hug, but why does it have to be a hug? Why not just touch her arm gently? Hugs can be awkward. But a light touch can be engaging. Your hand doesn't have to linger, but it lets the other person know you like them enough to actually touch them. I find that it's far less awkward than a full-on hug.
> 
> ...


Ok thanks, I guess what I'm nervous about is, how do I greet on the first date? It'll be coffee, so I'll see her there. She walks in the door, what do I do? Wave hi I assume, then ?give her a hug?. Or awkwardly say hi and then go toward the coffee?


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## EchoIX (Jul 5, 2015)

stinky said:


> Ok thanks, I guess what I'm nervous about is, how do I greet on the first date? It'll be coffee, so I'll see her there. She walks in the door, what do I do? Wave hi I assume, then ?give her a hug?. Or awkwardly say hi and then go toward the coffee?


A casual "Hi" is just fine. Keep it simple if you're really nervous. Touch her arm as she walks in and sort of turn in the direction you plan on going. Think of less like leading, and more like a welcoming gesture. It's innocuous enough, but engaging. I use that word a lot because that's really all it is. You're engaging, and if she's into it, she'll join. It'll feel odd but arm-touching or shoulder patting is fairly normal and most people don't have a problem with it. It's friendly contact. Just don't linger, then it's weird. Two quick pats, that's pretty standard I'd say.

This help?

*EDIT: *It may feel odd TO YOU to reach out is what I meant. She on the other hand, won't likely think much of it.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Congrats Stinky. I think I've spoken to you before and so it's good to see its the girl that you're interested in that is chasing you.

If you know you're going for coffee but don't like coffee.. know what you're gonna to order before the day of the date! If necessary, go into that coffee place and try something out for yourself, so on the day of the date, you can confidently say "I'm not a coffee person myself so I normally just order yada yada. I just really like the vibe here". Instead of, "oh, well I don't fancy coffee so erm... hmm, what can i order... er, er". That would just scream "I don't go out on dates often".

Apart from that, it should be okay. If it's a coffee date, I'd pay myself. Far more straightforward. And make her laugh. Wish you the best.


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## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

Well the crazy things is we went on a 2nd date - which I never thought would happen, had so much fun. The little voice in my head tells me this is crazy and things will end up bad like they normally do. But I'm just gonna go with the flow and try to ignore that voice. 

Thanks everyone!


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## MCCyves (Jul 7, 2015)

stinky said:


> I never thought I would get a date. And I guess it is not an official date, but I think unofficially. Funnily enough, it is on my crush who I could not get out of my head for the past 2 mths. She texted me out of the blue so I advanced things enough to "catch up". I have no idea why she is liking me, she is so much better looking, and I'm sure once my true awkward self comes out on the date that will be the end of things.
> 
> Still, I'm super proud of myself for pushing things such that I'm actually going on a date..particularly with a girl I like.
> 
> Of course, I'm nervous as hell, don't even know how I'm going to do the date, don't know what to order (I don't drink coffee), but I guess it's going to happen.


Good for you!


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## KayleBea (Jun 25, 2015)

stinky said:


> Well the crazy things is we went on a 2nd date - which I never thought would happen, had so much fun. The little voice in my head tells me this is crazy and things will end up bad like they normally do. But I'm just gonna go with the flow and try to ignore that voice.
> 
> Thanks everyone!


Wow, congrats. That's a huge achievement. You should feel proud of yourself. Hope I can find that courage one day.

Just try to relax and let your words and actions come naturally. When it comes to meeting people I plan things like time, money, how to get home etc but not things like actions because I go by the other person's body language and when I'm thinking too much I get really anxious and my head gets muddled. Not sure if it is the same for others but I think natural is good.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

stinky said:


> The little voice in my head tells me this is crazy and things will end up bad like they normally do.


Yes, please keep ignoring that voice. The more you believe things will end badly, the more likely it will be to happen.

Your mind will try and fulfill your expectations.


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## LimePenguin (Aug 3, 2011)

stinky said:


> Well the crazy things is we went on a 2nd date - which I never thought would happen, had so much fun. The little voice in my head tells me this is crazy and things will end up bad like they normally do. But I'm just gonna go with the flow and try to ignore that voice.
> 
> Thanks everyone!


Yay well done!!!  This is much better progress than my first ever date, that being I didn't get a second one haha but enough about me... I'm not sure if I can give you advice, other than touching on what you said earlier:



> I have no idea why she is liking me, she is so much better looking


This is always a positive sign because while looks are a factor, they're nowhere near as important as any of your other traits. She wouldn't have been interested otherwise. Also if she's better looking, don't you feel just *that* much better about yourself?


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## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

Hey everyone, I just thought I'd update this to encourage anyone out there. So I ended up going on 3 more dates with that girl - in the end, she said she was dating around and liked another guy. But I kissed her on the last date (and held hands) and it was great! And because of her, I went on three more online dates too... 

She also gave me the courage to do online dating - which I really would've never thought I could do. If you told me that I'd be kissing girls and going on dates with them a few months ago, I'd think you're crazy. But it's really not that hard, and as awkward as you think you are...so is the other person. Of course, I don't know anything bout finding true love but I finally can say I kissed a girl at the age of 26! and a pretty one at that! If I can do it, honestly anyone can.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

stinky said:


> Haha thanks man. My goal is to survive. I'm probably most scared just of the intial meeting and the whole finding a table and sitting down. Do I hug or not? I tend to be awkward at that. Pay or not if she's late? When we leave I give a hug, right?


Just do whatever is comfortable becuase the more comfortable you are the more confident you are and the more attractive you are... And on top of that, when your comfortable you can be yourself and you can see if you have a good conn cation with her


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

stinky said:


> Hey everyone, I just thought I'd update this to encourage anyone out there. So I ended up going on 3 more dates with that girl - in the end, she said she was dating around and liked another guy. But I kissed her on the last date (and held hands) and it was great! And because of her, I went on three more online dates too...
> 
> She also gave me the courage to do online dating - which I really would've never thought I could do. If you told me that I'd be kissing girls and going on dates with them a few months ago, I'd think you're crazy. But it's really not that hard, and as awkward as you think you are...so is the other person. Of course, I don't know anything bout finding true love but I finally can say I kissed a girl at the age of 26! and a pretty one at that! If I can do it, honestly anyone can.


Great story! Keep it up!


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