# Would you be a friend with benifeits?



## blanksBACK (Oct 21, 2010)

Im just curios to see how many people say yes/no.
I think I would. But I would have to be good friends with her.
I dont know if I would like idea of doin it with a person a dont really know or like.
Im assuming most guys will say " OOHH HAAAAYLL YA!"
So if youre a guy the question changes....Would you NOT be a friend with benefits? Oh hooo


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## Aarondiablo (Apr 9, 2011)

Assuming i could make a friend that would want that i would say no i wouldnt ask or bring it up, i mean I'd obv enjoy the sex and what not -also assuming i was single- but i would probs get attached and what not, i mean if the girl asked me id say yes for sure..even knowing it was a bad idea.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

No. I couldn't have sex without a relationship.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

I've tried it, but someone always ends up getting hurt in the end, so it's only short lived, don't ever expect a relationship or something meaningful with these kind of relationships, they technically are just for sex and nothing more...jmo


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## Nameless Someone (Oct 21, 2010)

I actually would love to have that.


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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

I would not. That's not an arrangement I could be comfortable or happy with.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Well, honestly, I'd have a hard time turning down the opportunity if the right person made the offer. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't end well, though. Sounds nice enough in theory, but I'm sure I'd end up having lots of regrets about it. Probably not a healthy thing for someone with my emotional insecurities.

But again, if someone I felt comfortable with proposed such an arrangement, I'd probably accept. Life is short, and I do want to have a sex life. And I'd much rather have it be with a friend than with a series of one-night stands or whatever.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

No. One of us would get attached and hurt, probably me.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I've done it and don't really see the point of doing it again. After I broke up with my current friend/ex the first time (we had not been intimate), we eventually saw each other again and it turned physical after a while. I thought it would be a once-off but it wasn't and I soon got emotionally attached so said I wished we were in a relationship again. Then we eventually evolved into a kind of fwb again, but I broke it off completely a few months later, just over a year ago because it didn't work out, and we remain very close physically but not sexually.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

Yes, I'd love a cool girl I can just screw, to be blunt. I'm that sexually deprived, but a proper relationship would just be too much for me to handle right now. Of course it would have to be 100% mutual, but I doubt it ever is. I'd hate to feel like I've "used" another person for sex. Yeah, I'd really feel like a piece of ****.

So no, I don't not want to be a friend with benefits.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

No.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Nah. Not anymore. I'm at the point where I just want a serious, long-term relationship.

I did have one FWB situation when I was younger, though. We were never really friends, so I guess we were FWB without the friendship part. Basically it started out as a one night stand, but turned into a thing that lasted for about 6 or 7 months of sporadic contact. 
Except he was disrespectful about it...like he would sometimes go MIA on the nights when we had made plans to meet up, without so much as a courtesy call....then a few weeks later he'd call me up, ask if I could meet with him, and act like he hadn't stood me up the last time. :no Basically whenever I saw him, it was on his terms. I think FWBs can work if both parties are treating each other equally...towards the end of it I realized that it wasn't equal at all, and that I was basically just a booty call to him. 
Also I started to develop feelings and want a real relationship. I knew that he didn't want the same thing, so I broke it off eventually.

So yeah that's my experience with it. If I could do it all over again, I can't say I'd do anything differently. But I don't think I'd ever get into that type of arrangement now. It made me realize that I'm just not the FWBs type of girl.


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## Gemini32 (Apr 12, 2011)

blanksBACK said:


> Im just curios to see how many people say yes/no.
> I think I would. But I would have to be good friends with her.
> I dont know if I would like idea of doin it with a person a dont really know or like.
> Im assuming most guys will say " OOHH HAAAAYLL YA!"
> So if youre a guy the question changes....Would you NOT be a friend with benefits? Oh hooo


Friends with benefits is fine, but that question will come up. SHe will ask you " so where is this all going" .. haha


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## AliceSanKitchen (Aug 31, 2010)

Hell No


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

Yes. I'd prefer to be in a relationship that actually works, but from the few relationships I've had I think I'm not particularly good at them, I find that I never live up to their expectations. Maybe if it were a friends with benefits situation I would no longer have so many expectations to live up to and it might actually work. That might be very flawed logic too, but it's something I've thought about and would definitely try if the opportunity came along.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

au Lait said:


> Except he was disrespectful about it...like he would sometimes go MIA on the nights when we had made plans to meet up, without so much as a courtesy call....then a few weeks later he'd call me up, ask if I could meet with him, and act like he hadn't stood me up the last time. :no Basically whenever I saw him, it was on his terms.


Did you tell him off?


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## Catty (Jan 4, 2010)

Yes I've done this. If I would do it again, not sure, it depends.


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## Catherine Cavatica (Feb 2, 2011)

Been there done that... In my experience it was the perfect cover for the guy to get sex from me without having to commit:mum
While all the time he actually had a gf! I'm not a fan personally. People get too attached and it's way to messy.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I'd think that would be awesome given the chance, I can't even get myself someone to be a plutonic friend with though.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Been there, done that... it was convenient at the time, and fun on some levels... I was young.

Now... though it would still be convenient... since I've developed a deeper appreciation for intimacy, connection, commitment and being 'in a relationship' and love... it would just feels empty and like two people using each other for sex.

The friendship always starts to disintegrate... and you lose not only a sex partner but the friendship as well... one person always develops deeper feelings and the other person (the one who doesn't develop those deeper feelings) always moves on... someone always gets hurt. 

Sex is never worth destroying a friendship over.... or hurting someone over/with.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

I'm not sure if this is weird coming from a sex deprived 18 year old boy who is surrounded by sexually frustrated guys, but no. I don't think I'd like it.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Arrangement like this will probably work only if both people involved have a healthy social life and multiple circles of friends.

Otherwise, it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

No. What I long for is someone to be close to and someone I have a strong connection with, not simply sex. It seems to me like doing the most intimate act with someone and then going back to a situation where you have no feelings for the person is the ultimate contradiction, and I just wouldn't be able to handle that. Anyway, sex is something I would want only with a person I have a strong connection with. I don't consider it a casual act.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

To be honest, at this point in my life I would. I need the practice and building up my confidence in that area would be a huge boost to my self esteem...not to mention it'd be fun. Even if I did end up being the one to get hurt I think it'd be worth it.


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## BKrakow (Jul 8, 2010)

I've done it in the past, and I'd be down again if I weren't in a relationship. yes, it can end up messy and dramatic and complicated, but most relationships eventually end up like that anyway, so I don't see why that should be a dealbreaker.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

I have before and it was okay. He ended up being kind of a dick wad so I ended things with him after a few weeks lol. Didn't last long. Neither of us got attached or anything... we'd just have sex and then go and watch TV or hang out with his room mate and talk like friends would... I remember talking to him about my dating issues I was having and such and he would give me advice, etc. But like I said he was kind of a douche so I stopped hanging out with him.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I dunno. I don't think it would be stable for me, and I'd end up wanting a relationship.

Maybe if the girl was attractive but an absolute *****, then it might work.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Definitely yes. I have a very hard time being romantic or affectionate so if the relationship is based on friendship then that would probably be best. 

But I have a hard time making friends with males so to have a female friend would be a hard task anyhow.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I tried it and I ended up falling for the person so hard it literally made me miserable...It was too much for me to handle. So no, I'd never consider it again.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

Yes I would try it.


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## IsThereAComputerOption (Apr 15, 2011)

My answer to that is yes.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

odd_one_out said:


> Did you tell him off?


I prob should have, but I didn't. If that same thing happened to me now then I definitely would have given him a piece of my mind. I'm not shy about telling a guy that I think is trying to take advantage of me off these days. :b
But back then I had serious people pleaser syndrome, so I let him get away with anything b/c I thought if I acted sweet and forgiving all the time he would change his mind about wanting a real relationship with me. :roll


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Have. Then the guy got all attached and emotional. Had to make a perfectly good situation complicated.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Akane said:


> Have. Then the guy got all attached and emotional. Had to make a perfectly good situation complicated.


Ha, that would probably be me.:teeth


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

Nope. I'm all about the intimacy.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Probably, although in my current situation I would decline that relationship.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Totally, but I'd likely mess it up.


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## Salus (Feb 27, 2011)

Yes I've done it before, but because it's only a physical thing he must be extremetly good looking and have a nice sized...well you know.

I dont know if I will ever do this sort of thing again.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

Although I have done it and it worked for me in the past I don't think I could do it now if me and my boyfriend weren't together. After being with my boyfriend I just view sex differently... well it's hard for me to imagine having sex with anyone else and I would just miss having sex with someone I love... I don't know if I could do it with just a friend.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'd probably be fine with it. I'm looking for a no-stress/no-expectations relationship. If I could handle regular relationship stress, I probably would have tried harder in prior years to date. Now that I'm in my 30s, I find the prospect of a typical relationship very unappealing, but have a desire for some companionship. 

In my view, "friends with benefits" is still a dating relationship, because you're hopefully exclusive to each other, you meet up, maybe go on "dates", and have feelings for each other (you can't deny the latter). It's just that you'd be more focused on sex than all the useless other stuff that just adds stress and makes people unhappy, such as pressure to "take it to the next level", move in together and the soul-destroying mistakes of marriage and adding to overpopulation. I never will do those things, and the possibility that I'd be made to feel bad because I don't want them is one thing that keeps me from even trying to date. 

A "friends with benefits" fling would be an agreement between two realistic adults who have wants that the other can fulfill, but don't want to deal with the other garbage that causes unhappiness.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I think most friends with benefits situations are simply 2 people who haven't found someone they want to seriously date and possibly marry. It's a space filler. Making it not an exclusive relationship. You still can go meet people and date but the situation/relationship ends if you find someone else you want to start a relationship with. A lot of friends with benefits "relationships" I know of are an on again off again thing. One person finds someone they might want a serious relationship with so they go off to date and the other "relationship" ends. If it doesn't work out they break up with that person and go back to their friend for companionship and sex until one of them finds someone else again. I've seen such agreements start and stop 5 or 6 times before something ends it for good. I don't know anyone who started a friends with benefits situation with the intent of never having anything more with anyone else. An exclusive relationship to me takes you in to the realm of actual dating and no longer a simple friends with benefits situation. Especially if you have no desire to look for something more elsewhere.

That's where my friends with benefits relationship went. I was still meeting random people I might want to date and using okcupid and he wanted things to be exclusive. That would make it a girlfriend/boyfriend situation instead. I refused to be his girlfriend and that ended that.


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## crimsoncora (Mar 29, 2011)

Too much drama and baggage, no thanks.


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## learnfromit55 (Apr 2, 2011)

NO. Never again 
I had a fwb situation with my ex.. and he lied to me for a year, saying that we were "working on getting back together." And needless to say, I'm planning on telling him off next time I talk to him.
Anyway, fwb situations are tough to deal with, someone always becomes attached..so the person has to be able to deal with the emotional aspect of that type of relationship.


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## Broken Boy (Apr 15, 2011)

I have before and I really enjoyed it. We were able to stop the benefits part when it felt like we were developing too strong of feelings and we are still friends, just without the benefits now.

I think I would try it again if the opportunity presented it'self. I have a higher then average sex drive and some issues with other types of intimacy, so it kind of makes sense. I'm still open to a more serious relationship though with the right person.


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## kosherpiggy (Apr 7, 2010)

I so would.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Nope. I leech onto people who acknowledge my existence pretty fast. It would be ugly.


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## Kakaka (Apr 7, 2010)

Yeah, I'd love to. Without meaning to be downbeat, it's better than nothing - which is what I've got at the moment.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

No, why would I want that? It's not a relationship and it would ruin the friendship too.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I realise that it can work out for some people, but I don't think it's for me. 

I can't see myself sleeping with someone who I don't like as a person, and so a FWB situation would be bound to get messy as feelings would inevitably crop up. I'm not entirely sure that I could view sex as just 'sex'. So, no.


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## Barf (Oct 31, 2010)

no


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

If i met someone who is consistently really good at sex.. i mean reallly good. otherwise i can do better alone. easier than having to conversate with a-holes just for sex

edit: "easier than having to conversate with a-holes just for *mediocre* sex" .. its normally better as a fantasy than the real sex with them


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## Cody88 (Apr 3, 2011)

Nah lots of baggage can come from that. I wouldn't want to develop feelings later. I'm a romantic so I would want a relationship with love and not a friend with benefits. It just doesn't feel the same as having sex with someone you're in love with.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

odd_one_out said:


> I've done it and don't really see the point of doing it again. After I broke up with my current friend/ex the first time (we had not been intimate), we eventually saw each other again and it turned physical after a while. I thought it would be a once-off but it wasn't and I soon got emotionally attached so said I wished we were in a relationship again. Then we eventually evolved into a kind of fwb again, but I broke it off completely a few months later, just over a year ago because it didn't work out, and we remain very close physically but not sexually.


I reckon I had trouble distinguishing intimacy between friends and partners. I remember the night before getting intimate with my friend for the first time (a while after we broke up the 1st time), she kept snuggling with me in front of the TV as though we were a couple and I felt put off by the boundary crossing but eventually accepted it, and the next day she made a move and I instantly got in the mood. It didn't feel any different to when I was in relationships. Affection and familiarity enabled me to be physical with her and the others. I therefore reckon my previous relationships were really friendships in essence because there was an absence of a deep, intimate bond. I couldn't tell what was lacking until recently.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

nah. And I realise as a young guy this is a really unusual stance :b I guess though I'm really just a sappy romantic, I need to feel a connection before I can get to that stage with someone.


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## RJF (Mar 29, 2010)

No. There's only one girl I'm interested in, and I haven't seen her in over half a year. She probably doesn't even know that I like her, and I have no intentions to ask her on a date any time in the foreseeable future. She's not looking for a relationship with anyone right now, and I respect that. It may hurt a bit (a lot) that she seems only to consider me a "very good friend" while occasionally dating giant douchebags, but what can I do? I feel like I have more in common with her than I do with anybody else in my life. I make her laugh, she makes me laugh. Every time I talk to her on the phone, I walk away with my cheeks hurting from having smiled so much. 

She's gorgeous in all respects, whereas I'm profoundly damaged, physically and emotionally. I've stolen cars, I've done drugs, I've possibly fired guns at people before. What could a girl who gets creeped on by guys while grocery shopping possibly see in me? 

I'm neither sexually nor romantically attracted to any other women.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Honestly, yeah. 

While I'm a virgin I have hopes and intentions to save it for when I'm in a committed relationship, but if there comes a point where my hopes of forming a relationship are crushed or if I do form one, have sex, and then the relationship falls apart, then I think I'd be game for a FWB. I'm positive I'd develop feelings and it'd go to hell, but oh well. Life is too short to worry that far ahead.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)




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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

^

My mind: you read it.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Spindrift said:


> ^
> 
> My mind: you read it.


"It's almost _stupid_ if we _didn't_." :lol


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

probably not.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

no


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## Steeloscar (Mar 15, 2011)

Not a chance.

The only woman that I'm gonna "be with" is the one I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

blanksBACK said:


> Im just curios to see how many people say yes/no.
> I think I would. But I would have to be good friends with her.
> I dont know if I would like idea of doin it with a person a dont really know or like.
> Im assuming most guys will say " OOHH HAAAAYLL YA!"
> So if youre a guy the question changes....Would you NOT be a friend with benefits? Oh hooo


I'll say the opposite just to be different....


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

If I was put on the spot by some girl wanting that type of situation I would probably agree to it, but I know in the end I would end up feeling worse because I know I would get attached and if she ever hooked up with another guy I would get very upset/jealous.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

Not for me. 

I think a friends-with-benefits type scenario can only work if both parties involved have an equally active social life. Because without that healthy balance – whether intentionally or not - the more social and out-going of the two will eventually gain an emotional edge. And then that's when things go bad (i.e. me getting my precious little feelings hurt)


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## Giraffe (Sep 7, 2010)

Under most circumstances, no.

But my ex and I broke up under weird circumstances that both of us regretted, then continued to hang out, _etc_ for a few months in a strange sort of not-dating-but-not-_not_-dating state. We're still friends now, but without "benefits."


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

I think yes, but at the same time, i'm really afraid i'd end up getting too much attached, as i'd want to fill the emotional void too, not just the physical void.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Paper Samurai said:


> nah. And I realise as a young guy this is a really unusual stance :b I guess though I'm really just a sappy romantic, I need to feel a connection before I can get to that stage with someone.


Nice!


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Considering i haven't many options flooding through the door, i would consider it.

I know it goes against alot of my values, but as i'm going through life, i'm starting to open up to the idea. I mean at least i wouldn't be lonely, right?


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

I'm not so sure about me having a friends with benefits arrangement. As a virgin however, there is _some_ appeal. Despite that, I doubt I would seriously consider it.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

No way. Stuff gets way too complicated. It's one of those ideas, like having sex in the shower, that sounds like a really great idea at the time....

but somebody always ends up freezing their ___ off.

(someone always ends up getting hurt)


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Nah.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Coming from a virgin mind, I doubt that I could seperate romantic feelings from sex, so no. I don't see anything wrong with it, though, morally speaking.


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## SlightlyJaded (Jun 5, 2009)

Honestly, I don't think I could stay detached enough for that kind of arrangement, haha. Sex and love pretty much go hand in hand for me, so I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone I wasn't in love with, and obviously if I was in love I would want to be more than friends


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

No. I wouldn't be really turned on, anyway, because I want to be deeply in love with that person.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

By this point I've been hurt so many times losing women that I love, I think it's about all I could let myself risk.


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## ladofmad (Apr 14, 2011)

Depends if I like her or not.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

No. Friends with benefits just does not compute for me.


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## sable (Apr 25, 2011)

Gemini32 said:


> Friends with benefits is fine, but that question will come up. SHe will ask you " so where is this all going" .. haha


sure about that...? That's very cocky. I don't understand why guys always assumes that you would want something more with them, or why some guys feel like they would "use" the girl for sex.

I find it quite difficult to get attracted to guys, it hasn't happened many times in my life, but men sure do think a lot of themselves, since they assume that you will be attracted to them and get "attached" because you're a girl, and everyone knows that all women just wants relationships and babies...hmpf


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## sable (Apr 25, 2011)

And to answer the question: Yes, if done right these relationships just might be the perfect type of relationships. You get sex with someone you know and trust, you get intimacy without having to really let another person in emotionally, so you don't have to risk getting hurt.


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## RockIt (Jan 8, 2011)

At the risk of sounding like I'm the perfect guy who has never screwed up in life...no. I've never had sex with someone that I wasn't in a more than friends relationship with. And, if I would in the future: well that is hard to answer...I've been married for almost 13 years so I kinda don't think it is right at this point to consider any "what ifs." At least not in writing anyhow. ;-)


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

sable said:


> And to answer the question: Yes, if done right these relationships just might be the perfect type of relationships. You get sex with someone you know and trust, *you get intimacy without having to really let another person in emotionally, so you don't have to risk getting hurt*.


That's not really intimacy then, is it? I think the risking getting hurt part is required.

As for me, I can't imagine being in such a deal because I'm not someone a woman would want to use for my benefits (just a bit p.o.'d bout that:mum). If I was, or for people who are, then I see potential problems, but there are problems with deeper romantic relationships, with friendships, with business partnerships, and so on.

People getting together under any circumstances can be difficult. If you're up front about a FWB connection, then it's no better or worse than any other connection, just different with different risks and rewards.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

No, someone usually ends up getting their feelings hurt.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Was, but only because the relationship was unworkable. It was a transition thing.

I wouldn't go out seeking FWB but sometimes thats just how it ends up.

I guess I'm a relationship anarchist - negotiate whatever you like, whatever works. Love/a relationship is not a cage. The cage is optional.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

If it ever came up, I'd try it. I'm sure I've passed many opportunities without knowing it. 

I do suspect it would get complicated or awkward though at some point.


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## Freebird (Apr 20, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> Was, but only because the relationship was unworkable. It was a transition thing.
> 
> I wouldn't go out seeking FWB but sometimes thats just how it ends up.
> 
> I guess I'm a relationship anarchist - negotiate whatever you like, whatever works. Love/a relationship is not a cage. The cage is optional.


I like that... relationship anarchist. 8)


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Sure, practice makes perfect. :b


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

If I were to get to know a woman, say at work or something, and she just dumped her boyfriend, I'd be more than willing to "take up the load" (if you catch my drift) if that's what she needed. I'd be fine with being used and thrown away, but wouldn't necessarily want that scenario to be my first experience. If I really didn't care about the job or comfort at the job, I might even suggest it.


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## Desi (Nov 18, 2003)

I couldn't have sex with somone I don't like or just see as a friend. I would want a relationship if I liked that person. Besides the guy probably sucks in bed.


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## RFD1337 (Apr 23, 2011)

No.Call me old fashion,but I think the best part of intimacy is the feelings that lead up to it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Man, I don't know... I've had girls do that to me before when I wanted more  I've also turned down a few good opportunities before because I wasn't comfortable with it.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

i think i could because i don't feel ready or that great of a desire to be in a relationship but i have needs. just as long as no one gets hurt.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

No. I have dignity.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

^ In other words, I do not. :no


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

^
Wellll....probably should be a little more specific. Upon the opportunities where it almost happened I probably would have lost every bit of dignity I had. So in that case, no I can't be a friend with benefits. No disrespect to anyone that would be willing to be a friend with benefits.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I replied earlier, but just explaining why I think I could manage it. I generally don't care what people think of me and I know how to keep emotional distance between myself and others pretty well (and am quite experienced at it). I don't think I'd have much trouble maintaining an arrangement like that.


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

Yes I could. If anyone(female) is interested please PM me. haha. Seriously.......


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