# How do people meet their bf/gf on this site?



## karina123 (Jan 27, 2018)

I've read posts where people claim they met their boyfriend or girlfriend on SAS, but I just can't see how... Do you message each other or something? I would love to meet a guy who can relate to my SA, but I don't know how.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I think you just did.


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## vitalsigns (Feb 28, 2018)

karina123 said:


> I've read posts where people claim they met their boyfriend or girlfriend on SAS, but I just can't see how... Do you message each other or something? I would love to meet a guy who can relate to my SA, but I don't know how.


I don't think it's a good idea to come here to seek out a boyfriend/girlfriend. However, yes, people probably do just connect via the threads and then move on to private messaging.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Same ways we make friends here: chats, blogs, VMs/PMs. Add geographical proximity or a travel budget. Mix in large quantities of luck.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

I never came here to meet a guy. It just happened. He messaged me first and we just clicked.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I guess at least one of the two has to have the money and the willingness to travel across the country or to another country. Might also have to pay for a hotel if the other one can't or won't let them stay at their place.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

No idea, I'm not an expert on this topic but I think it's somewhat complicated considering all the factors involved:
- Limiting the pool to the gender you are attracted, unless you are bi, pansexual or something the like.
- Preferred ages. Nope, age isn't just a number, it's a real issue, especially if there is a huge gap that's biologically affecting the attraction, the ability to connect (having mutual interest or hobbies), to be in a relatively similar stage of life, and even the ability to reproduce (for those who are longing to do so).
- Continuing with the last, there is the need of having compatibility in several areas, such emotional, mental, social, sexual, spiritual... and the ability to negotiate when there is no compatibility in one of those mentioned.
- Distance, this not only involves the ability to transport/move/or even to relocate, but also that both parts are wanting to engage in a relationship that it's very, very likely to start in the distance, unless you can get to know each other in RL before there are feelings involved. 
- That last leads to trust, the capacity you will need to have to trust someone you barely know, you need this in RL too, but it's somehow more obvious when it's about getting to know another person online.

You could avoid all that if you are just seeking something short term, but the fact that you are mentioned bf or gf make me think that may not be your case. Excuse my abuse by recommending to rather try on dating sites and mentioning on your profile that you are seeking for someone who can relate to SA; there are also sites in which by filling some questions you could get matched with people who're shy, introverted and so, well, that's not perfect but it's something. But if you really want to try here, I don't think it's against any rule so and maybe you could make very happy a SAS member, if you already saw someone you are interested in, send them some messages and wait for their response and then, if they are into you too, move to another platform such as Skype, Fb or Whatsapp. 

Good luck with what you are looking for.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

crimeclub said:


> I think you just did.


:laugh: Well, also making clear your intentions, it may work or at least it will make some people move away if they aren't into it.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)




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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

farfegnugen said:


>


You're supposed to have a friend give her that note and point you out as you keep it casual across the room:


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

farfegnugen said:


>


How about the other person giving you an interview before replying yes or not? :laugh:


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

All starts with a simple message. You guys click and boom


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## cinto (Jun 19, 2017)

farfegnugen said:


>


Or


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

cinto said:


>


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Your inbox is going to explode asking something like that on here. :lol


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> All starts with a simple message. You guys click and boom


Wait, everything just explodes once you click?

I don't understand


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Ominous Indeed said:


> Wait, everything just explodes once you click?
> 
> I don't understand


click aka vibe aka are interested in one another lol.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Kevin001 said:


> click aka vibe aka are interested in one another lol.


I would guess that's the difficult part :con, but maybe it's just me and that I'm odd, mmmh I'm starting to think lately that odd isn't the issue :con :rofl


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sus y said:


> I would guess that's the difficult part :con, but maybe it's just me and that I'm odd, mmmh I'm starting to think lately that odd isn't the issue :con :rofl


You're not odd :squeeze


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Sus y said:


> I would guess that's the difficult part , but maybe it's just me and that I'm odd, mmmh I'm starting to think lately that odd isn't the issue  :rofl


It's the internet generation thing.

We did it this way back in the days -






:lol


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

@ANX1

I'm from the serenade times, but I'm adaptative so... here you'll have my version:






And of course, there are other things but we shouldn't share the ideas with the younger, they have already too much going on :rofl


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

Just drape this over their head and they're yours


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## Sunb0urn (Feb 25, 2018)

First you need to go to the shop and purchase pokeballs.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@Sus y

Internet generation version -






:lol


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

Ominous Indeed said:


> Wait, everything just explodes once you click?
> 
> I don't understand


*Sigh* I can't believe I have to sit you down for the birds and the bees talk....


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

karina123 said:


> I've read posts where people claim they met their boyfriend or girlfriend on SAS, but I just can't see how... Do you message each other or something? I would love to meet a guy who can relate to my SA, but I don't know how.


Wow, I didn't know that, is it why people share a lot of info in their profiles? I guess this could work as a dating site for troubled people, eheh. Too bad there's probably no one from my country.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

The Tinder of SAS:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f16/post-a-pic-of-yourself-right-now-593889/


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Sus y said:


> No idea, I'm not an expert on this topic but I think it's somewhat complicated considering all the factors involved:
> 
> - Limiting the pool to the gender you are attracted, unless you are bi, pansexual or something the like.
> 
> ...


What's the difference here with anywhere else? You might find someone here, you might not. You can try here, you can try there.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

No clue. Never happened.

Lol.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

caveman8 said:


> What's the difference here with anywhere else? You might find someone here, you might not. You can try here, you can try there.


The difference is that this is not a dating site, so there are married people, engaged people and those who're not willing to date because they have some personal issues to fix first, hence they may feel uncomfortable if they know someone has other intentions with them and that's why this said other person is writing them, not to mention the people who're not even willing, desiring or wanting to form friendships for not reason, so they couldn't care less to reply a message and may not even want to receive one. A dating site is a site for such, you may join just to make friends (and they are used too for married people etc) but they know what they are there for. It's a matter of purpose.

Of course, sometimes things happen in any kind of interactive site, a user notices another and they become interested in each other and there is a chance... of course, that's possible but I would consider it a bit bothersome for most people for all the reasons I mentioned in another post, it's just not practical when you are seeking for a long-term relationship, unless you are really willing to go for all the impractical things and overcome them, which is possible too. But just imagine this, Mary, who's from Mexico uses this site for seeking a dear one and fall for someone who's in Japan, which could be awesome but... really? that's going to be a very expensive first date. Yet, you could tell me that such could happens in a dating site, well yes, but there are some in which you can use an option for not receiving messages from people that are in a different country, the is the option to specify you only want to be written by people within certain distance, age, gender etc...


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## jolene23 (Nov 23, 2017)

Sus y said:


> The difference is that this is not a dating site, so there are married people, engaged people and those who're not willing to date because they have some personal issues to fix first, hence they may feel uncomfortable if they know someone has other intentions with them and that's why this said other person is writing them, not to mention the people who're not even willing, desiring or wanting to form friendships for not reason, so they couldn't care less to reply a message and may not even want to receive one. A dating site is a site for such, you may join just to make friends (and they are used too for married people etc) but they know what they are there for. It's a matter of purpose.
> 
> Of course, sometimes things happen in any kind of interactive site, a user notices another and they become interested in each other and there is a chance... of course, that's possible but I would consider it a bit bothersome for most people for all the reasons I mentioned in another post, it's just not practical when you are seeking for a long-term relationship, unless you are really willing to go for all the impractical things and overcome them, which is possible too. But just imagine this, Mary, who's from Mexico uses this site for seeking a dear one and fall for someone who's in Japan, which could be awesome but... really? that's going to be a very expensive first date. Yet, you could tell me that such could happens in a dating site, well yes, but there are some in which you can use an option for not receiving messages from people that are in a different country, the is the option to specify you only want to be written by people within certain distance, age, sex etc...


I've read in other similar thread what you wrote about your friends who began their unpractical relationship and now are happily married and have two children. I'm curious why did you change your opinion if you don't mind me asking.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

jolene23 said:


> I've read in other similar thread what you wrote about your friends who began their unpractical relationship and now are happily married and have two children. I'm curious why did you change your opinion if you don't mind me asking.


I didn't change my mind , that's why I added: unless you are willing to work about it and overcome all the difficulties, which lets be frank, not everybody would as some people are seeking for "fast food" if you know what I mean, flesh today... or maybe something less complicated. If two people are attracted and are compatibly about some areas doesn't exactly mean they'll be willing to work for getting into a relatinship, same as in RL but you are adding new difficulties, like the need to relocate for example (if things get to a serious point), the money that it would imply, the start fresh in another place (for one of the two) because you won't have the time to keep forever taking a bus or train trip of 6 hours every weekend to meet your loved one, nor everybody has the money to take a fly every time you can to see your loved one, you could do that for a time but not forever, to sumarize you won't be able to keep alive a long distance relationship if you cannot enjoy the presence, the touch etc of the loved one, at the end one part will move on, would get bored or meet someone new.

What I tried to say is that it's rather difficult (but may be not impossible) :con, so, again, to OP, my very best wishes, also the same for anyone reading this who's looking for something special .

BTW that's not the only case I know that have worked out long distance relatinships. On another note, I like your new avatar, it's pretty cute.


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## jolene23 (Nov 23, 2017)

Sus y said:


> I didn't change my mind , that's why I added: unless you are willing to work about it and overcome all the difficulties, which lets be frank, not everybody would as some people are seeking for "fast food" if you know what I mean, flesh today... or maybe something less complicated. If two people are attracted and are compatibly about some areas doesn't exactly mean they'll be willing to work for getting into a relatinship, same as in RL but you are adding new difficulties, like the need to relocate for example (if things get to a serious point), the money that it would imply, the start fresh in another place (for one of the two) because you won't have the time to keep forever taking a bus or train trip of 6 hours every weekend to meet your loved one, nor everybody has the money to take a fly every time you can to see your loved one, you could do that for a time but not forever, to sumarize you won't be able to keep alive a long distance relationship if you cannot enjoy the presence, the touch etc of the loved one, at the end one part will move on, would get bored or meet someone new.
> 
> What I tried to say is that it's rather difficult (but may be not impossible) , so, again, to OP, my very best wishes, also the same for anyone reading this who's looking for something special .
> 
> BTW that's not the only case I know that have worked out long distance relatinships. On another note, I like your new avatar, it's pretty cute.


Yes, I agree. If both people don't make a great effort and aren't willing to put in the work, relationship will fail. It definitely isn't practical. But yeah, to each their own. 
Thank you, but yours is far cuter than mine.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

jolene23 said:


> Yes, I agree. If both people don't make a great effort and aren't willing to put in the work, relationship will fail. It definitely isn't practical. But yeah, to each their own.
> Thank you, but yours is far cuter than mine.


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## karina123 (Jan 27, 2018)

Smooth


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## karina123 (Jan 27, 2018)

crimeclub said:


> I think you just did.


Smooth


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

If you have a cute avatar and are good with quips, you'll get into a nice e-relationship.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> It's the internet generation thing.
> 
> We did it this way back in the days -
> 
> ...


I liked her. Not too high standards in a man, a bit quirky, and I liked the story about the mining accident. Would take out on a coffee date. I can play it cool with my wandering hands, its np. Wonder if she is still available?



komorikun said:


> The Tinder of SAS:
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f16/post-a-pic-of-yourself-right-now-593889/


This.

Though it doesn't work immediately. I have had some unimaginitive women respond with "nice pic" via pm, but that's not creative enough. It's more of a slow burner posting your pic (in combination with posts). Also, watch for people posting their pics right after yours . It's the femid equivalent of wandering in front of the treadmill you are on.

But the way to "find someone" on SAS is to send them a nice intro pm, or comment on their page. Doesn't have to be much. Few words about how you always appreciated their posts, ask them some ****, (esp advice).


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Karsten said:


> If you have a cute avatar and are good with quips, you'll get into a nice e-relationship.


Will leave my avatar a while then, nailed it.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

splendidbob said:


> I liked her. Not too high standards in a man, a bit quirky, and I liked the story about the mining accident. Would take out on a coffee date. I can play it cool with my wandering hands, its np. Wonder if she is still available?


:lol

She would be 60-70 if 27 when that video clip was done.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Karsten said:


> If you have a cute avatar and are good with quips, you'll get into a nice e-relationship.


I wonder now if everybody thinks I'm trying to seduce them with my catty face.


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Sus y said:


> I wonder now if everybody thinks I'm trying to seduce them with my catty face.


Well... aren't you?


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

SamanthaStrange said:


> Well... aren't you?


Only a few :blush, like 99% of the users, I have my likes you know? :b One has to play "exclusive" every now and then.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> :lol
> 
> She would be 60-70 if 27 when that video clip was done.


She just needs to go heavy on the makeup and be very selective about skype camera angles and not ****ing move, and were still good to go.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

splendidbob said:


> She just needs to go heavy on the makeup and be very selective about skype camera angles and not ****ing move, and were still good to go.


:lol

Seriously now :sus , I know older women like that and they just keep starring at me as I walk past them. Lovely women with amazing smiles.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> :lol
> 
> She would be 60-70 if 27 when that video clip was done.





ANX1 said:


> :lol
> 
> Seriously now :sus , I know older women like that and they just keep starring at me as I walk past them. Lovely women with amazing smiles.


They also tend to go very heavy on that single note fragrance older people tend to have, fragrance that is just "lavendar" or something. Smelled one of those in Tesco, was weird.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

splendidbob said:


> They also tend to go very heavy on that single note fragrance older people tend to have, fragrance that is just "lavendar" or something. Smelled one of those in Tesco, was weird.


Tried French Pear soap? Very intoxicating (can't stop smelling it). :grin2:


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> Tried French Pear soap? Very intoxicating (can't stop smelling it). :grin2:


Nah, dunno what it was. It was definitely perfume, but was just a blast of one single note about 4m projection. Terrifying.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

splendidbob said:


> Nah, dunno what it was. It was definitely perfume, but was just a blast of one single note about 4m projection. Terrifying.


Ok. The look on your face must have been priceless (what the look).


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## xMichellaneousx (Apr 13, 2018)

I suppose it would start by one person creating a thread that they're looking for someone and whoever responds could possibly be the one. 
It's actually one of the reasons why I joined. I would love to find someone else who struggles with anxiety so we can understand eachother, be there for another and love the other for who they really are deep down despite their problems.  
Aww now I'm all gushing and blushing! 

But If anyone want to chat with me I'm 22 and I'm looking for someone to talk to either it be a friend or a special someone. 
I am into natural health, I'm in college pursuing a natural career, I love arts and crafts, I'm interested in worldly concerns and conspiracy theories. I like to cook, garden, and I'm a pretty happy go lucky person despite some anxiety issues but the happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything they've got!


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Yes it's very easy, much easier than local dating all you have to do is send them a message if you like them and continue talking to them for a long time. The most important thing is to not make it obvious right away in the first message(s) that you want to be their girlfriends/boyfriends. Just talk with them consistently about anything, anytime you want. If they just avoid you out of nowhere then it's their loss! You will feel a connection and you'd think that the time has come to give in but for the moment you're just great online friends. It will happen if you're both subconsciously on the same page. I guess one of you has to be more inclined to flirt first or start slow with exchanging pictures or give compliments to a cutie or post your own selfie here; http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f16/post-a-pic-of-yourself-right-now-593889/


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

they slide into your DMs and shoot their shot. From there it's all about seeing whether or not you have chemistry.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

karenw said:


> There's a 65+ yr old group thread on this site srsly, I've joined :laugh:. Senior citizens of sass.


So would you consider @splendidbob ?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Actually was about to say, if I had known @karenw was in that age bracket I would have been pulling out the heavy duty flirting. Stuff like this to demonstrate my overall competency at things:


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Food seems to work on men and women. That universal language. :grin2:


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## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

i bet all of those relationships were initiated by the guy


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

Technically this is not a dating site but any forum on the internet can lend itself to finding someone. I have chatted with people from all over the world. If you like someone comment on their posts or message them. Try to find a common interest or bond for the two of you to share. Also it's best to read someone's profile. They can reveal a lot there and you might find a common interest or hobby to share.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Basically the same process as initiating pm conversations with anyone I imagine..

1. Interact via posts
2. Reply to one of their posts via pm
3. Eventually move to IM chat

At the minimum this is certainly better than pm'ing with "will you gf pls??".

In response to the banned poster who posted "I bet all the men had to initiate", no, obviously not lol. But at any rate, pretty sure the above is about as low anxiety as any initiation is ever going to get.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Sus y said:


> The difference is that this is not a dating site, so there are married people, engaged people and those who're not willing to date because they have some personal issues to fix first, hence they may feel uncomfortable if they know someone has other intentions with them and that's why this said other person is writing them, not to mention the people who're not even willing, desiring or wanting to form friendships for not reason, so they couldn't care less to reply a message and may not even want to receive one. A dating site is a site for such, you may join just to make friends (and they are used too for married people etc) but they know what they are there for. It's a matter of purpose.
> 
> Of course, sometimes things happen in any kind of interactive site, a user notices another and they become interested in each other and there is a chance... of course, that's possible but I would consider it a bit bothersome for most people for all the reasons I mentioned in another post, it's just not practical when you are seeking for a long-term relationship, unless you are really willing to go for all the impractical things and overcome them, which is possible too. But just imagine this, Mary, who's from Mexico uses this site for seeking a dear one and fall for someone who's in Japan, which could be awesome but... really? that's going to be a very expensive first date. Yet, you could tell me that such could happens in a dating site, well yes, but there are some in which you can use an option for not receiving messages from people that are in a different country, the is the option to specify you only want to be written by people within certain distance, age, gender etc...


I think most people are aware of these things already.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Kinable (Apr 25, 2013)

I would love to find someone here. I'd be able to help her with anxiety and we could understand each other and our problems. I know it's definitely possible, we just have to try and make friends and see where it goes.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I did. I just happened to start talking to someone who lives in the same state as me, we bonded, and he wanted to meet (as friends initially). I wanted to wait though, until we got to know each other more & I felt more comfortable. We exchanged numbers and it all kind of went from there. We started dating and while everything was wonderful, it didn't last. He may think I regret it, and he might even regret it, but I don't. Despite how painful the breakup was and is still effecting me, it was very special. People may have their opinions about it but I think, it's a very nice thing getting to know someone who understands you from an SA perspective, and struggles too. It may not always work out, but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing either.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Just talking. I clicked with mine pretty early on and we ended up talking a lot. Didn't end up meeting until years later when we could afford to.

I wasn't really looking when it happened. We both just vented to each other often which I guess helped resolve some of the stress and loneliness we both felt. It sorta just blossomed from there.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I found mine in a loot crate.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

Probably just by messaging random people. That's how I made alot of online friends in the past.


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