# male vs. female therapist



## emptybottle2

If you've had both a male and female therapist, do you have a preference? Also, do you feel like there are issues too embarrassing to discuss with an opposite-sex therapist that you'd have no problem discussing with a same-sex therapist? 

Yeah, I'm having this problem right now. I've been totally unable to bring up certain topics -- like my ever-growing body-image issues that may be BDD and my anxiety and hang-ups about sex and dating -- because my therapist is a guy and also close to my age. He just reminds me of... guys I know, so it's hard to take him seriously, and to see him as someone who's not going to judge some of the things I agonize over that I imagine might seem dumb/silly/crazy/whatever to people my age... He's been helping me make decent progress with my other, more important issues with SA and depression though, save for these few awkward issues, so I don't think it would be right to change therapists at this point. I just wish he were an older woman sometimes.


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## TRENNER

I think you can't make general rules here. You just have to look at your issues and sense whether the specific therapist is the right one to help you. I am male and actually found an older female therapist to be best for me.


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## Jellybean2010

I think it's rather similar to wanting a same sex doctor. If I had a broken arm I wouldn't mind who treated me, but if I had gynological or breast problems I'd request a female. It has nothing to do with the skill of the practictioner, but as a patient I want to feel as comfortable as possible with the person treating me. I'd just prefer to talk to another woman about some things than a man. I think if your therapist is a good one, he should be helpful enough to recommend a female colleague for you.


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## Lonely Hobbit

It's probably better to see a therapist of the same sex when talking about sexual issues.


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## HumanWonder

Yeah that's a tricky one. I guess you have to decide if your BDD issues are important enough to leave a therapist who's helping you otherwise. 

I'm female and I've seen a couple female therapists who weren't helpful at all, but I recently stopped seeing a male therapist because of the same things you're talking about. He just didn't get other things I was going through as much a woman would. 
Although, there are men who go through body image issues and a lot of the same things women do. It's annoying to have to shop around for therapists, but it's worth it when you find the right one.


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## Antis

A male therapist wouldn't feel right to me. I'd prefer a lady, age doesn't matter but not too much of a socialite, neither too grumpy, just something inbetween.... I find socialites and grumpy persons to be very judgemental.

Some males might work well, but I just can't imagine myself revealing my issues comfortably to a male. I imagine myself talking to a woman.


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## senrab

Same sex, no question...sexual stuff would just be too awkward...and I have wandered into that territory in our visits.


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## jimmythekid

I prefer same sex. There are some things they are more likely to understand. That said I have had a really good female therapist when I was 15. I think things relating to being a man weren't issues as much at that point.


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## rockyraccoon

I am a male and I definitely feel more comfortable talking to a female therapist rather than a male therapist. I think part of the reason is that females by nature are more caring than men, and women are more receptive to understanding and empathizing with your situation. Men suppress their emotions while women are more open. At least I think that is the difference between men and women. I don't know maybe I have this view because my mother always comforted me as a child and not my father, and maybe because I have sisters who care for me. Irregardless, what is most important about seeing a therapist is that they are competent. That is key.


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## Mordeci

I am a guy and I actually perfer a female therpist, but I was raised by women, my father worked the went to bed and my mother was well, domernering, I think alot of it has to do with upbringing and what you are confortable with, some people growing up could get along with either sex no problem, others were more drawn to one sex over the other for their own pscyhological issues so it really depends, I would go with your gut instinct.


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## Classified

I went to a female therapist (I didn't really choose). I would have felt uncomfortable talking about some things with either gender.


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## heroin

I am not in therapy. I just see a psychiatrist. But if I were, I'd prefer a male therapist. I think he'd probably have an easier time understanding me, because he'd probably understand better how guys think.


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## Nathan18

I saw two women, but I don't think they could really understand what I was going through. I would rather see a male, but I didn't have a choice.


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## Monroee

I've seen two females and my current therapist is a male. I have to say, I prefer him 100%. I think its more important to find the right individual, rather than the right gender. I thought I'd be completely uncomfortable with a male, but I have no problem talking about sexual stuff with him.


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## TheTraveler

female for me. men getting inside my head freaks me out.


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## Barette

TheTraveler said:


> female for me. men getting inside my head freaks me out.


Same.


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## kast

It makes little to no difference for me. My two best psychs were a man and a woman. I would rather talk about sex or relationship issues with another man, but I've never really talked about those things in therapy. So for talking about SA, I don't think it matters to me.

My GP doctor is a woman and I feel comfortable with her. The gender doesn't matter; they just have to be good at their jobs and easy to get along with.


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## Candu

> do you feel like there are issues too embarrassing to discuss with an opposite-sex therapist that you'd have no problem discussing with a same-sex therapist?


I'm starting long term therapy this week with a women to help me with issues that include childhood sexual abuse. A lot of this Sh*t has been suppressed for a very long time. I'm scared, but I need to do this because these unresolved issues cause big problems. When I was asked if I prefered a man or woman I said I wanted the most competent therapist in dealing with trauma issues. What I have to talk about is not going to be easier talking to a man because we would be the same sex. What is important is if you feel you can trust the therapist and that they are competent in helping with the issues you need to deal with.

For the last three months I have been a member on a rape and sexual abuse recovery site, mainly women. (and for 9 months on a male only recovery site) One of the threads in December was *Male T when you're female? Female T when you're male?* And the results were mixed. Some women only wanted a female T as did most men. Some women have had both and while they felt more comfortable initially with the female T they said they got better results with the male Ts. Some women specifically went for male Ts only.

Like I said, this is a rape and sexual abuse survivor site. Embarrassing issues are difficult to discuss. But what the people on that site has gone through have been traumatic experiences that are _extremely_ difficult to talk about.


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## ScottyChaos

emptybottle2 said:


> If you've had both a male and female therapist, do you have a preference? Also, do you feel like there are issues too embarrassing to discuss with an opposite-sex therapist that you'd have no problem discussing with a same-sex therapist?
> 
> Yeah, I'm having this problem right now. I've been totally unable to bring up certain topics -- like my ever-growing body-image issues that may be BDD and my anxiety and hang-ups about sex and dating -- because my therapist is a guy and also close to my age. He just reminds me of... guys I know, so it's hard to take him seriously, and to see him as someone who's not going to judge some of the things I agonize over that I imagine might seem dumb/silly/crazy/whatever to people my age... He's been helping me make decent progress with my other, more important issues with SA and depression though, save for these few awkward issues, so I don't think it would be right to change therapists at this point. I just wish he were an older woman sometimes.


I don't have a preference to any gender... I had one of each when I used to go to therapy. However, I liked the female better because the male was a sanctimonious *******. A majority of the time it seemed like any explanation I made he tried to poke holes in it... I felt mightily uncomfortable. The female wasn't much better though... My health insurance ran up and she said she, despite my financial troubles, had to charge me 50 bucks a pop. (I still don't understand this. I thought making people feel better about life should be free...?) So, NO MORE THERAPISTS!


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## Revan

Female therapists, in my experience, tend to be more empathetic.


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## Mil

I'm seeing a female therapist.


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## arealghost

Not seeing a therapist but I'd definitely prefer males, they seem more empathetic.

Female GP is nice, but all throughout my life whenever someone has felt any sympathy for me it has always been males & never females.

But I wouldn't care really, I wouldn't go out my way to go "No, I don't want a female one".


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## Anarchy81

I'm not seeing anyone yet but when i do i am going to request a female counselor if possible. I could never share my thoughts with a man. It might have something to do with me being surrounded by women my whole life so yeah...i'd always choose a female.


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## xxDark Horse

I actually much prefer male therapists over females. Since most of the issues I have, I would feel a lot more comfortable talking to a guy about it. Plus i'm just naturally more comfortable socially around men than women. 

It seems to me that men are usually less in touch with their feelings, they're usually less emotional than women are but they're also much more logical. That doesn't mean they don't care, it just means that they will just try to help you with your issues and try to come up with a solution in a logical sort of way. 



Also I don't want to become attracted to my therapists, then that means I will hold back what I want to say because i'm usually intimidated by women i'm attracted to. If she's a cute redhead, i'll fall in love immediately. Great in other situations, not for therapy though :/


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## sarah089

I'd prefer a female therapist rather than a male one. I just don't think a male therapist would empathize with the feelings I'm currently struggling with. I also feel more comfortable talking to women rather than men.

I did go to therapy for around 2-3 months and personally didn't find it helpful. My therapist was also a woman so it could just depend on the person.


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## Wasted Sunsets

I have had both. I find it easier to talk with woman. But I think it just depends on how good the therapist is.


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## dystopiadrone

I've had both male and female therapists, and at this point I feel a little ambiguous about what I prefer. I think ultimately, the gender is actually irrelevant, it depends more about whether or not I'm dealing with someone who is capable of understanding me and also at the very least, caring somewhat about whether or not I get better. I actually haven't been in therapy for a while, but initially when I started, I think I preferred a female, because I felt I might get more understanding. But in retrospect I might have been less honest than I am capable of being and maybe a male therapist might be better. Actually, I've never really been 100% honest with my therapists, as I don't think I've encountered anyone who had the kind of professional and creative impulse to want to make a impact on my life. I got sort of a ho-hum vibe from all my therapists, which I think I just kind of thought was a sign that talk therapy wasn't the answer. The problem with talk therapy is that it's always you sitting in a drab room talking with a person who may or may not give a crap. I think we've lost a sense of tribal community and interconnection and reverence for the natural world that's resulted in a bland approach to psychological-spiritual issues.


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## tea111red

Female and past middle age.


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## InDarkness

First I have visited female. She was young, smart and attractive. It was hard for me cause I had no previous experiences with women so I had thoughts about her and I think my behaviour was also affected by that. It wasn't helpful in the short term, but who knows how it would be in the long time.
Now i have choosen male therapist cause I am more afraid of males in general and cause I had dysfunctional father.


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## Fangirl96

I've never been to a therapist, but i would definitely prefer a female. Theres no way that i'd be comfortable to talk when i'm alone in a room with a man staring at me, ready to analyze my life and deep down thinking i'm a whiny b*tch who can just go out and find a man in 5 minutes to solve all my problems. No thanks...


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## harrison

Male - females are just too distracting.

(that's what's so good about them but not for therapy)


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## xxDark Horse

Fangirl96 said:


> Theres no way that i'd be comfortable to talk when i'm alone in a room with a man staring at me, ready to analyze my life and deep down thinking i'm a whiny b*tch who can just go out and find a man in 5 minutes to solve all my problems. No thanks...


lol, i'm pretty sure that's exclusive to SAS members, redditors, and incels.


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## Aribeth

male


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## SplendidBob

Female. In my experience they have been less judgmental (a very limited sample size though so I don't really trust in that opinion I seem to hold ).

The only times I would have trouble discussing certain topics with a therapist would be if I didn't trust their competency. Their sex wouldn't make a difference in what I would be able to discuss.


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## Humesday

It doesn't really matter. I prefer them to be middle aged or older though. Younger ones can annoy me. I did group therapy in college and we had graduate students conducting it. One of them was hitting on one of the women there. When I saw him doing this (he had one of those flirty faces), I gave him a WTF look. Then he gave me a WTF look. And then everyone had a WTF look. There were many WTFs to go around that day. Things started getting a bit strange. The group therapists there suddenly started trying too hard to show they care. More WTF faces were seen. I decided I didn't much care for group therapy. It mostly seemed to consist of WTF expressions.


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## ljubo

i tried 2 male and 1 female so far

i like the female more, its like she cares more.


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