# Megan's Law: Would you continue dating them?



## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

If you were dating someone who was a Megan's Law registered sex offender would you continue to date them?

He says he is innocent of the crime, but still, I don't think I want to continue dating him anymore because of the impact it may have on my future. Advice?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

If I had children, and I found out I was dating a sex offender, I would break off the relationship. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating her, and having that risk as a possibility.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

The term 'sex offender' is a rather broad one. What exactly are we talking about here?


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

He was convicted of rape, he says he didn't do it.. I do believe him but, he has a record, which anyone can look up and see.

And yeah, if I had kids, it would be a definite no.. but I don't.. it's just.. what if I did decide to have kids? I wouldn't be able to, with him.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

No. There's a possibility that the guy might be innocent, sure, but I'm not willing to take the chance that he is not.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

True, and he might not be innocent... I just looked at my computer.. he cleared out my browsing history and such, but he left the recent documents.. apparently he likes viewing things with the word rape in them.. I am severely disturbed.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

No because there would always be some doubt in my mind as to whether they're telling the truth about it.


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

It's pretty hard to convict someone of rape. A conviction usually means there was a ton of evidence against him. Just saying.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

pittstonjoma said:


> True, and he might not be innocent... I just looked at my computer.. he cleared out my browsing history and such, but he left the recent documents.. apparently he likes viewing things with the word rape in them.. I am severely disturbed.


You should definatly break up with him then just looking up that stuff wouldn't be reason but since he's actually been not just accused but convicted of it as well, well lets just say he is more likely then not to be guilty. But don't break up with him in person it wouldn't be safe, phone or email would be best in this case.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

coldmorning said:


> It's pretty hard to convict someone of rape. A conviction usually means there was a ton of evidence against him. Just saying.


Seriously? So he was lying about the no evidence thing?

Yeah, I should break it off over the phone.. x.x


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

pittstonjoma said:


> Seriously? So he was lying about the no evidence thing?
> 
> Yeah, I should break it off over the phone.. x.x


If he said there was no evidence then he's really lying. If by some reason a crazy jury convicted him on no evidence, then he could appeal to a higher court. Did he do that?

Don't even bother asking him if he appealed cause you'll just get another lie.

And trials are also public record so you could find out what happened. Contact the court where he was tried.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

I didn't even need to contact the court, he's on the internet. Convicted in 2000 of rape.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Sounds bad if you find rape stuff on the browsing history.
He probably wasn't looking for self help books either.

I would get away from him, and fast.


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

pittstonjoma said:


> I didn't even need to contact the court, he's on the internet. Convicted in 2000 of rape.


I mean that the trial is recorded... there is a person who sits during the trial and records everything said. So you can actually find out what evidence was presented, what the defense tried to argue, etc. If he said there was no evidence, it should have been a short and awkward trial.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

pittstonjoma said:


> If you were dating someone who was a Megan's Law registered sex offender would you continue to date them?


No.


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Hell no. Rape, are you serious?


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

pittstonjoma said:


> True, and he might not be innocent... I just looked at my computer.. he cleared out my browsing history and such, but he left the recent documents.. apparently he likes viewing things with the word rape in them.. I am severely disturbed.




Run for the hills!


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Ditch this guy fast!


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

No. But I also have a daughter so I couldnt risk it. If anyone ever hurt her ... Well they'd be sorry they were ever born.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

I'd probably find it oddly erotic.



WintersTale said:


> If I had children, and I found out I was dating a sex offender, I would break off the relationship. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating her, and having that risk as a possibility.


Why would he try to do anything to children if he was convicted of rape? Does being a registered sex offender mean you will commit all sexual offenses?



pittstonjoma said:


> True, and he might not be innocent... I just looked at my computer.. he cleared out my browsing history and such, but he left the recent documents.. apparently he likes viewing things with the word rape in them.. I am severely disturbed.


Sometimes when you're looking at porn you can get into some pretty crazy stuff, I know I've looked at my fair share of rape porn along with every other fetish under the sun. I don't think this is reason enough to dump him, though with his conviction maybe.

How did you find out about his rape conviction? Did he tell you?


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Bredwh said:


> I'd probably find it *oddly erotic.*
> 
> Sometimes when you're looking at porn you can get into some pretty crazy stuff, *I know I've looked at my fair share of rape porn* along with every other fetish under the sun. I don't think this is reason enough to dump him, though with his conviction maybe.


:wtf I'm sorry, but what? You think rape is "oddly erotic" and look at porn of it? Do you mean accidentally stumble upon it and close the web browser right away or do you actively seek out this type of stuff? That's not normal.


Bredwh said:


> Why would he try to do anything to children if he was convicted of rape? Does being a registered sex offender mean you will commit all sexual offenses?


This deserves another :wtf You're saying rapists should be allowed around children?


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## heyubigrockstar (Jul 15, 2008)

Leave now, it's going to be hard but the longer you wait the harder it is.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

Mr. Frostie said:


> :wtf I'm sorry, but what? You think rape is "oddly erotic" and look at porn of it? Do you mean accidentally stumble upon it and close the web browser right away or do you actively seek out this type of stuff? That's not normal.


You start looking at normal stuff, get bored and jaded, move on to something more extreme/out there, then eventually get bored/jaded again, move on to something else, etc. I've looked at porn of everything. Rape porn is pretty tame and is a lot more common to look at than you realize.

I meant I would find it oddly erotic if I found out a girl I was dating was a sex offender. I guess that's a bit weird but I'm so desperate the thought of girls and sex together in any context gets me excited.



Mr. Frostie said:


> This deserves another :wtf You're saying rapists should be allowed around children?


I was trying to make the point that just because someone is a rapist it doesn't mean that they're a pedophile, and vice versa.


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## IDK (Jan 16, 2009)

like someone said before, rape is not an easy crime to prosecute. Hes most likely not innocent. get out while you can.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

His ex told me, and I asked him and he fessed up.


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

The fact that he is looking that stuff up on your computer is a red flag. It means he is still interested in it. Also the fact that he cleared your browser means he was trying to hide it. If i were you I would dump him. Plus people like that dont change, no matter what you do.


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Bredwh said:


> I meant I would find it oddly erotic if I found out a girl I was dating was a sex offender. I guess that's a bit weird but I'm so desperate the thought of girls and sex together in any context gets me excited.


Yeah, not gonna lie, that is a little weird. But it's beside the point anyway... guy sex offender (rape, no less) and girl sex offender aren't usually the same thing. Very rarely is there a violent female sex offender.

As for the whole pedophile thing, I think you are half-right. Yeah, because he raped an adult doesn't mean he is going to do anything to the child, but I think the influence of somebody like that on a child could potentially be very harmful.


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## Sneakykitty (Jun 29, 2008)

Run!!!


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

I tried to break up with him, and it didn't go so well. He said that he feels there is no reason that I should dump him.. that I'm putting him through hell, and that if I dump him he'll never take me back.. I feel like throwing up.. x.x He also said that if I dump him I'm very shallow and selfish.


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## StrangeSpirit (May 10, 2008)

pittstonjoma said:


> very shallow and selfish.


Said the rapist.

Just cut off all contact.
Good Luck.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

pittstonjoma said:


> I tried to break up with him, and it didn't go so well. He said that he feels there is no reason that I should dump him.. that I'm putting him through hell, and that if I dump him he'll never take me back.. I feel like throwing up.. x.x He also said that if I dump him I'm very shallow and selfish.


Good Lord, he wants a reason for dumping him? The fact that HE *RAPED* SOMEBODY isn't a good enough reason? Since when do you need the other partner's permission to break up anyway? Run away!


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

You dont *need* a reason and why would him "not taking" you back even be an issue? Tell him to get lost.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

1-He was convicted of rape.
2-He never told you about it until you confronted him with the information.
3-He is looking up 'Rape' stuff on your computer, and clearing the browser history.

Change the locks if he has a key to them.He says he is innocent, I seriously doubt he is going to admit that he did it.Ted Bundy was very charming too, no one thought he was guilty of those crimes initially.Trust me, you want no part of this guy! Leave him a phone message saying its over, period.And never communicate with him again ever.Hang up the phone when he calls, and NEVER meet with him in person....


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Bottom line is, he was convicted of rape, and he's looking up rape sites on the internet. That's a huge red flag. I would run like mad.


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

sex offenders are usually repeat offenders. I would distance myself from this person.


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## pinklove (Oct 19, 2008)

pittstonjoma said:


> I tried to break up with him, and it didn't go so well. He said that he feels there is no reason that I should dump him.. that I'm putting him through hell, and that if I dump him he'll never take me back.. I feel like throwing up.. x.x He also said that if I dump him I'm very shallow and selfish.


I would be scared of him personally, and definitely dump him. He sounds like a jerk from what he said to you, and he was convicted for raping someone. You can say I don't think we are right for each other and that is why you are ending the relationship. Not everyone is meant for everyone. Who cares if he doesn't take you back? You can do better, even by the way he talks to you. You aren't shallow or selfish. Think about it, if someone was abusive in the past, it will likely happen again, is a person selfish for leaving an abusive person? NO. It is for their safety and health. Stay away from him.


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

If it was statutory rape, a case of one or two years apart with the 'offending' partner a legal adult then I wouldn't see the problem. Some laws are just ****ed up. And even if one thinks a law like this is a good idea, then it doesn't mean anything big to the offender, just that he or she made a mistake at one point.


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Brax said:


> If it was statutory rape, a case of one or two years apart with the 'offending' partner a legal adult then I wouldn't see the problem. Some laws are just ****ed up. And even if one thinks a law like this is a good idea, then it doesn't mean anything big to the offender, just that he or she made a mistake at one point.


Even if that were the case, it would still bring up serious issues about this person's judgment.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

It wasn't statuatory, and the girl was 13 and he was 20.

And yeah, I'm mainly doing this for my well-being.


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

With the ages here... I don't know. 20 and 13, there is no gray area unless he claims NOTHING happened.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

He does say nothing happened, but my friends and I feel it is a coin toss because we weren't there and can't prove anything.


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

pittstonjoma said:


> He does say nothing happened, but my friends and I feel it is a coin toss because we weren't there and can't prove anything.


sweet crap why are you doing this! How many people say they are innocent when they are caught? Pretty much all of them! Do you really want to take the chance that he's lying to you?!?

Shesh!


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

Really? So then he's full of beeswax.. And no, I really don't want to sacrifice my future on a game of chance.


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

pittstonjoma said:


> He does say nothing happened, but my friends and I feel it is a coin toss because we weren't there and can't prove anything.


It's not a coin toss you and your friends don't have to prove anything. The DA proved enough to get a conviction so more than likely he's guilty. I'd say there's less than a 1% chance he's actually innocent. Just curious if his court records are public record. If so you might want to take a look at it and judge for yourself.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

All I could find is what he was charged for.

# Charge Grade Description Disposition
1 18 § 3123 §§ A1 F1 IDSI FORCIBLE COMPULSION Waived for Court (Lower Court)
AGGRAV INDEC ASSLT/PERSON LESS 16 YRS Waived for Court (Lower Court)
AGE
2 18 § 3125 §§ 8 F2
3 18 § 3126 §§ A8 M2 IND ASSLT PERSON LESS 16 YRS AGE Charge Changed (Lower Court)
4 18 § 6301 §§ A1 M1 CORRUPTION OF MINORS Waived for Court (Lower Court)
5 18 § 3126 §§ A7 M1 IND ASSLT PERSON LESS 13 YRS AGE Waived for Court (Lower Court)

Definitions and such to clarify:

"Deviate sexual intercourse."
Sexual intercourse per os or per anus between human beings and any form of sexual
intercourse with an animal. The term also includes penetration, however slight, of the
genitals or anus of another person with a foreign object for any purpose other than good
faith medical, hygienic or law enforcement procedures.

"Forcible compulsion."
Compulsion by use of physical, intellectual, moral, emotional or psychological force,
either express or implied. The term includes, but is not limited to, compulsion resulting in
another person's death, whether the death occurred before, during or after sexual
intercourse.

More info: http://www.students.haverford.edu/masar/documents/PARapeLaws.pdf

Interesting: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_evidence_do_you_need_to_convict_someone_of_forcible_rape

According to that, she had marks or something on her body.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

pittstonjoma said:


> All I could find is what he was charged for.
> 
> # Charge Grade Description Disposition
> 1 18 § 3123 §§ A1 F1 IDSI FORCIBLE COMPULSION Waived for Court (Lower Court)
> ...


So he sodomized a 13 year old girl and left marks. And you still haven't left him. Why?


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

kikachuck said:


> sweet crap why are you doing this! How many people say they are innocent when they are caught? Pretty much all of them! Do you really want to take the chance that he's lying to you?!?
> 
> Shesh!


Shesh indeed!

With the information the OP posts ^^^ it astounds me that the OP is wavering on this. Run for the hills. *READ* what that says. :eek :um How would anyone want to take a chance on THAT????????


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

Yeah.. well I am much more sure of myself now than I was before, with the advice of friends, family, you guys, and more information regarding the situation.. It is best for my well-being that I move on and find someone who didn't rape a 13 year old. x.x


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

yeah he's a creep. Those are serious charges and the apparent ages of the victims are disturbing. You'd better get away before he graduates to even more serious crimes.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

q


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Why isn't this guy locked up? I'd start carrying a gun if I was the OP. :afr


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Mr. Frostie said:


> Why isn't this guy locked up? I'd start carrying a gun if I was the OP. :afr


:ditto

You gotta love it when they let these child rapists walk the streets.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Bredwh said:


> You start looking at normal stuff, get bored and jaded, move on to something more extreme/out there, then eventually get bored/jaded again, move on to something else, etc. I've looked at porn of everything. Rape porn is pretty tame and is a lot more common to look at than you realize.


this must be how people start getting into those 'humping teddy bear' fetishes


pittstonjoma said:


> He said...if I dump him he'll never take me back..


sounds like a win win situation


pittstonjoma said:


> It wasn't statuatory, and the girl was 13 and he was 20.
> 
> And yeah, I'm mainly doing this for my well-being.


he was convicted of rape for this? i think 13 years old qualifies for pedophilia so he is probably on pedophile alert websites. go to your local police department and ask them how you can find out if he has warned his neighbors of his status as a sex offender (and possible pedophile). isnt it the law to do that?

im surprised that youre questioning yourself about whether to dump him or now. then again there were several women that fell in love with ted bundy after he made the news. women, who can figure you out


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't really want a gun, but maybe I should get a knife or something. I'd be more my style, lol.

He's on the sex offender registry, and his current address is there, so his neighbors know.

I actually fell out of love because of this.. thinking about it made me more and more distant. At first I was still smitten, but, things have drastically changed in just a few days.

Apparently his friend thinks I am an immature prostitute.. my mom said that's what she had on her myspace.. I deleted him and his friends so I dunno.


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

pittstonjoma said:


> Apparently his friend thinks I am an immature prostitute.. my mom said that's what she had on her myspace.. I deleted him and his friends so I dunno.


Well, if they are friends w/ a guy who raped a 13 year old, they are probably douche bags too.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

Yeah,, she was his ex before me.. She knew about it the whole time and still decided to have a 2 1/2 year relationship with him.. If I knew about it up front, I would have never talked to the dude again let alone be in a serious relationship with him.

Funny thing is, she's now dating the first guy I ever dated.. hahahaha.. That ought to be interesting.. the guy ended up being a total douche.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

pittstonjoma said:


> Yeah,, she was his ex before me.. She knew about it the whole time and still decided to have a 2 1/2 year relationship with him.. If I knew about it up front, I would have never talked to the dude again let alone be in a serious relationship with him.
> 
> Funny thing is, she's now dating the first guy I ever dated.. hahahaha.. That ought to be interesting.. the guy ended up being a total douche.


The 13 year old had a two and a half year relationship with him? I'm not even going to ask whether this started when she was ten or when she was 13, because either way THE GIRL COULD NOT CONSENT. IT WAS RAPE. HE WAS TWENTY. HE WAS TWENTY AND HE RAPED A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD. HE IS A RAPIST. HE IS A PEDOPHILE. RUN.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

bezoomny said:


> The 13 year old had a two and a half year relationship with him? I'm not even going to ask whether this started when she was ten or when she was 13, because either way THE GIRL COULD NOT CONSENT. IT WAS RAPE. HE WAS TWENTY. HE WAS TWENTY AND HE RAPED A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD. HE IS A RAPIST. HE IS A PEDOPHILE. RUN.


No, I think she was talking about the person who wrote something on her myspace. Not the 13 year old.

Still, once again my advice is run for your life.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

WintersTale said:


> No, I think she was talking about the person who wrote something on her myspace. Not the 13 year old.
> 
> Still, once again my advice is run for your life.


You are correct.

I think I pretty much did run away for my life.. lol.. I'm not even going to bother to get back the stuff he borrowed from me.. not worth my life.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

pittstonjoma said:


> If you were dating someone who was a Megan's Law registered sex offender would you continue to date them?


How did you come to know this? Did he tell you or did you simply look him up on some sex offender registry?

If he was honest and told you and he gets kicked to the curb for doing so, I suspect he'll remember to not make the mistake of honesty again. Just an observation. I didn't bother to read all the post before making this observation, BTW.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

No, he wasn't honest because his ex is the one who told me.. He lied about why he couldn't find a job and why he got fired from work, blaming the economy instead of his past and actions.


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## pittstonjoma (Nov 10, 2003)

Thanks.. hehasn't bothered me, because he can't afford the phone bill.. hahhaa.. but his friends don't seem to know how to mind their own business.


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## TP23 (Mar 15, 2009)

As someone who has been sexually assaulted (a BIG contributor to my anxiety), I absolutely would 100% not!


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