# Get a girlfriend



## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so the process on how to do this isnt quite clear.
heres what we got so far:

go up to girl and talk
.....
....
....
actually enjoy talking to girl


now, I just need to fill in the blanks

hmm...........................

:stu i got nothing

this is indeed a riddle of all riddles!!


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, perhaps a diagram would be helpful in solving this impossible mystery










hmmmm


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

So you're saying you've met a girl and started talking to her? You're wondering what to do next?


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)




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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

thats right


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

If she seems interested in talking to you then just ask for her phone number or email address. Say "Do you want to go out sometime?" There, problem solved.

-Solitario-


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

hmmmm..perhaps some sort of joking would be in order
or some recognition of achievements


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

no, thats not problem solved, then i just go out with her and have the same problem


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

~AJ~ said:


> no, thats not problem solved, then i just go out with her and have the same problem


But you've taken the next step. Before you go out on the date, rehearse all your conversation. What questions to ask, what stories to tell. That's what I do. Better do it now to get experience.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so we;ve gotten this far









now, what to do next..


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

What makes you think the small talk won't lead to good conversation?


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

cause it never has


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

Have you ever been on a date before?


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah, I wanna leave every second im there.


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

You need to improve your repertoire. Do you write down questions you're going to ask? Do you think about stories you're going to tell and how you're going to tell them? What kind of questions do you ask on a date?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Personally, I've found that if your able to talk about anything with a girl that's a good sign you two are going to be good friends. If you discuss anything from the weather, crack jokes, talk about your feelings, talk about your goals, insights, then your on your way to making a great friendship!

My best advise is to speak your mind no matter how you think it may sound and if she's willing to understand and be friendly without being too judgemental, then what else are you looking for? Try and look at it from an perspective that your taking the steps to build comfort and know eacother. Do things at whatever pace you feel is right by feeling comfortable. Sometimes the pace takes longer but it seems to be lessoned the more your willing to be open and share how you feel and think no matter the subject. We tend to bond much better when we are able to have trust and understanding in the other person. Good Luck!

Oh, and another important tid-bit would be knowing that if she dosen't seem responsive or if she seems to be a tad offish it's more than likely not you but her as she may be shy or feel too vunerable to express herself freely with someone new. Be the one who takes charge by being the one who is willing to share yourself. This way you know your doing all you can to open her up and your doing your part to make it happen. If she's not willing to cooperate the reasons being are more likely that she's not ready. If your able to do all the leading then you know that your doing everything that you can to make it happen. When you actually take charge and realize that your doing everything to make it happen you soon see that more people are scared to comply for the simple fact that they themselves either arn't ready or too vunerable. Therefor, it's best you be kind, comforting, open and genuine with the other person. Machoism or anything of that nature is simply useless and sets you up for negative reactions and consequences.

Also, keep in mind what you like about other people. What is it you admire in yourself as well as other indivisuals. For me, it's kindness and openness, as these traits apply that they are not afriad to be themselves and more than likely they will be healing to you. Those whoa re ready to make a serious loving bond with someone should consider that they themselves need to be able to express themselves freely and trust in yourself as well as the other person. If motives are that of "using" the other person then all the pursuer is showing is that they simply aren't ready to respect another person and have something much more everlasting, which is the power of love. Obviously love is more than a word and branches off into many positive things.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, sounds good

escalate the openness! slowly of course, I dont wanna freak her out

now i just gotta figure exxxaaaactly how to escalate


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

It may just be one of those things you learn as you go I'm afriad. Somethings you just do and learn from them later. This may be one of those cases. GL


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'm about to break it down for you the best way I know how to make it seem normal and comfortable for you to understand and to do. I wrote a lot about it because I think about it a lot as well. Obviously, I may think too much on the subject LOL but it's been a good thing for me. Please excuse the absence of paragrapghs, I was feeling a tad lazy today ...





Look at it like your having an opportunity to meet a good friend. Understand that she may already have a boyfriend or that she may already really like someone. But the underlying reason sould be something of comfort and enjoyment. In other words, how can you be comfortable talking to a girl you don't know and trying to become friends with her? It's easy. You should understand that it doesn't matter what you say or how you look but rather it's more important whether or not she talks back with you. You see, it's normal to be uncomfortable at first. You must have faith in the fact that the more you get to know about eachother the more you become comfortable with her. So forget about what you do and focus on how well she is willing to respond to you. If she's nice and seems to be at the very least trying to have a conversation with you then you know she's a kind girl. When you ask for her number remember that it may feel weird but your doing it because overtime talking with that person becomes second nature if she is willing to keep responding back to you. Look at it as if she was a coworker or something and your just saying hi because it's the friendly thing to do. No pressure. No commitments. Don't try and call her everyday and don't be disapointed if she dosen't answer or pick up. People have lives and sometimes she may not be willing to want to talk to anyone new at the moment. Try not to leave voicemails or anything because that's acting like you guys are friends already with a bond intact and that may more than likely not be the case. Your trying to be friendly and not a stranger who is acting as if you know her so ask questions and be kind and supportive when you do talk. Try not to take up all her time because that makes it seem like your not respecting her space. Understand she will need space so give her that. Don't be upset if she doesn't pick up or text you back. Don't text or call more than once a day because that makes you seem to her like you may be infringing on her space. If however, the conversation goes well and you feel good then call her again the next day and see if you can have another good conversation as friends. Basically, the whole point of giving someone space is so that it seems like your not a handful. It's repecting someone's space and showing that you are considerate and kind. It actually helps if you say something like, "Hey, I hope I'm not calling you at a busy time" or, "Sorry for calling you during this time but I don't want to interupt you if your doing anything". Be honest and be RESPECTFUL and be considerate. When people play games it's a sign that they are too imature and insecure with themselves to be open enough to be vunerable. When you try and see girls as friends and are kind, comsiderate of their time, open, and helpful it shows that you are not there to use them nor are you there to hurt them but rather you are like a friend who is there to support them. There is nothing wrong with being friends with girls even if she dosen't want a relationship from you. There is someone else who is ready for that and you learn a lot from being friends with girls. Stay positive, be in a healthy mind frame when you talk to girls and be willing to take it slow. Look at it as a no-timed-limit sort of thing. You go by how comfortable you feel with the situation. However, it's very important you get a way of staying in contact and the phone is your best bet. You usually don't have many chances to get to know someone better so take advantage of that opportunity, forget how nervous you feel and do it because if you don't you'll never know how comfortable you can be with this new potential friend! GL


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