# I Was Verbally Harassed After A 1st Date



## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

[deleted]


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Girl, you need to dump that ZERO and get yo'self a HERO!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Girl, you need to dump that ZERO and get yo'self a HERO!


lol he wasn't my boyfriend. It was a first date and I did, I did find myself a hero  well, i don't really need a hero, but he's a great match for me  Went on a 2nd date with the guy I like yesterday and it was very very nice and comfortable and just perfect!


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Ugghhh.

The few times guys have shown me attention online (I've never had them show me any IRL), it's just like you said, they seemed a little..._too_ nice. *Before any guys get the wrong idea, niceness itself is not bad.* A certain type of niceness, like showing TOO MUCH interest TOO SOON, is unsettling. Alarm bells go off in my head whenever I deal with such a person but I always ask myself, why am I being so paranoid and judgemental?--this guy is only being nice to me. :| And I'm always wrong to ignore those warning signs.

Anyway. What happens after I ignore the warnings but tell the guys I'm sorry, either I'm not interested in such things or I need to get to know them better first?...they always get _inordinately_ huffy and snap that they were just joking, how gullible am I, stop thinking so highly of myself, what makes me think they were REALLY interested in someone like me? And then they either harass me online in a vulgar manner for a while or else utterly lose all interest in communicating (when previously they had seemed _so very interested_ in chatting).

Just like what you described. That's the part that struck me because it's so very familiar even to someone who's never gotten genuine attention from a guy online and certainly hasn't gotten any IRL.

The anger such guys react with is totally unwarranted (especially if it was really "just a joke" or they "weren't really interested" in us after all). I don't think it signals that they were attached to us. I think it's their way of building themselves up (after a perceived or actual rejection) by tearing us down. A pathetic attempt at boosting their own egos, at the expense of our own. In other words, sour grapes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fox_and_the_Grapes

This is one reason I would never be able to believe a guy even if he did show genuine interest in me. I've been fed that "Get over yourself, I was only JOKING!" line too many times. Seems the only guys who are interested in me are the ones who are only joking.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

tehuti88 said:


> Ugghhh.
> 
> The few times guys have shown me attention online (I've never had them show me any IRL), it's just like you said, they seemed a little..._too_ nice. *Before any guys get the wrong idea, niceness itself is not bad.* A certain type of niceness, like showing TOO MUCH interest TOO SOON, is unsettling. Alarm bells go off in my head whenever I deal with such a person but I always ask myself, why am I being so paranoid and judgemental?--this guy is only being nice to me. :| And I'm always wrong to ignore those warning signs.
> 
> ...


Trust me, they're not joking. Like you said, it's just a way to build themselves up and make it seem like you didn't hurt them in anyway. It shows they're very insecure. Secure guys would just be like "ok. Wish you the best!  " and move on. I've met guys are confident and nice like that and genuinely hope they find someone that they're more compatible with.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

McFly said:


> You have the LA surfer chick accent, did you grow up in the Malibu area?


Hahaha Do I? I don't even surf. Nah, I grew up in a neighborhood in West LA, not super close to the beach.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

karenw said:


> Very strange I dont usually get this kind of thing from men. Ive met idiots but you just move on. Now women lol.


Yeah, its definitely rare. This is like the 3rd time a guy in my 11 years of dating has been super nice to me, trying to get with me, and then suddenly goes crazy once I tell him I don't feel a connection. Weirdly, it's the guys that act really superior, outgoing, hyper and confident!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

McFly said:


> Yep, it's pretty obvious dudette . I lived my early years in the Mar Vista area and had a bit of the accent when younger. Most people that live along the coast don't surf, but pick up the accent from the culture. Consider it a badge of socal life.


Oh cool  I have a lot of friends in Mar Vista.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

I'm so sorry. I remember you seemed so excited about your 1st date with this guy in a post you made. :/ Can't believe it was that bad.

Your hair is really cool, by the way.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

First mistake.....I was on an online dating site lol


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## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Unless I'm missing something you said the guy was being "really nice" and that he 'harassed' you by trying to coax you back with text messages that were quite gentle in nature, i.e "we haven't even had time to be friends".

Is this what counts for harassment these days?!


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## peace_love (Oct 24, 2008)

Congrats on being honest. I like you.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

chefdave said:


> Unless I'm missing something you said the guy was being "really nice" and that he 'harassed' you by trying to coax you back with text messages that were quite gentle in nature, i.e "we haven't even had time to be friends".
> 
> Is this what counts for harassment these days?!


Agree. None of what she described in this video sounded like harassment. Was the guy being a whiny b!tch? Sure. Was this harassment? Not even close.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I like your hair color. Is that teal? Nice!


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> can someone delete this attention thread? we really don't need to see a video of your face talking about stuff. try writing.


Are you jealous?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Why are there claws in this thread?

Is this thread catfightist?


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

I don't want to seem mean or uncaring, but I share Aribeth's sentiments....

These threads belong more on YouTube or one of the support forums here than they do the S&C forum...


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

WinterDave said:


> I don't want to seem mean or uncaring, but I share Aribeth's sentiments....
> 
> These threads belong more on YouTube or one of the support forums here than they do the S&C forum...


If it's interesting and entertaining who cares?


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

JustThisGuy said:


> I'm so sorry. I remember you seemed so excited about your 1st date with this guy in a post you made. :/ Can't believe it was that bad.
> 
> Your hair is really cool, by the way.


It was a different guy  The guy I was talking about the first date with on here was after this, and we've now been on a couple dates and really like each other 

And thank you!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

chefdave said:


> Unless I'm missing something you said the guy was being "really nice" and that he 'harassed' you by trying to coax you back with text messages that were quite gentle in nature, i.e "we haven't even had time to be friends".
> 
> Is this what counts for harassment these days?!


My purpose of the video wasn't to bad mouth him, it was to share my experience, and explain to guys and women that it's okay to stand up for yourself if you're being harassed.

He said other things that were really sarcastic and rude like "psh, I bet you do this to all the guys you date" but I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about that in the video.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> Agree. None of what she described in this video sounded like harassment. Was the guy being a whiny b!tch? Sure. Was this harassment? Not even close.


It's harassment because he kept texting me over and over and over even when I said, I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear in the video, but I didn't want to make the video hateful nor did I want to make it super long.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

WinterDave said:


> I don't want to seem mean or uncaring, but I share Aribeth's sentiments....
> 
> These threads belong more on YouTube or one of the support forums here than they do the S&C forum...


When I had social anxiety, people would say mean things to me all the time, and I'd just walk away and cry in a bathroom. So I do think that my message of "standing up for yourself when people are rude to you" is important.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

first a video about being physically harassed
now verbally harassed
obviously you hang out with the wrong guys

and the third one you made with the hobo isn't your fault though...obviously it has nothing to do with hanging out with the wrong guys since he was a stranger. homeless people can be pretty violent and aggressive, though I don't blame them. In fact, there was no point in even making that thread in the first place.

As for the neon green hair..meh, it's ok. I liked your natural hair way better b4 you died it.


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

you handled the situation well though, so I must congratulate you for that


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## mr hoang (Aug 14, 2011)

Nice story. You did the right thing by ending it early when you knew. I wish more girls would be honest like that instead of playing games with us and dragging us along. That guy was obviously a little bit too attached already.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Never a plain vanilla text story, always a video.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Another harrassment thread. Wuts next?


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

M0rbid said:


> Another harrassment thread. Wuts next?


"I got murdered today. I am now an undead zombie"


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

ah, just strolling about in yet another thread littered with absolute garbage

maybe you should have read straight quotes from the guy. i knew what you were talking about, a lot of girls do, but you'd probably make the point more clear if you took specific examples of what he said, and what the connotations were and the implications of the type of language he used, like if he used emoticons or something. you can say a person was being clingy and trying to guilt you and be manipulative but until you actually see/hear those words and how they were presented, it isn't clear. there's so many subtleties in these conversations. someone could say the exact same words to you but mean something very different.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> ah, just strolling about in yet another thread littered with absolute garbage
> 
> maybe you should have read straight quotes from the guy. i knew what you were talking about, a lot of girls do, but you'd probably make the point more clear if you took specific examples of what he said, and what the connotations were and the implications of the type of language he used, like if he used emoticons or something. you can say a person was being clingy and trying to guilt you and be manipulative but until you actually see/hear those words and how they were presented, it isn't clear. there's so many subtleties in these conversations. someone could say the exact same words to you but mean something very different.


I was just trying to send the message that it's important to stand up for yourself, without gossiping about this guy :\ Whatever. It's controversial. Of course some people will agree and some will disagree


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

AwkwardUglyWeirdo said:


> first a video about being physically harassed
> now verbally harassed
> obviously you hang out with the wrong guys
> 
> ...


lol I wasn't "hanging with the wrong guys" the physical harassment was from the homeless people that I was ignoring as they cat called me first on the street going to the market, and the verbal harassment was from a guy I met on the internet and literally chatted with for 2 days before meeting him for a lunch date. Generally, my friends, both guys and girls, are super respectful, well educated, supportive and fun to hang out with 

As for my hair, why did you feel the need to say you didn't like it?


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> lol I wasn't "hanging with the wrong guys" the physical harassment was from the homeless people that I was ignoring as they cat called me first on the street going to the market, and the verbal harassment was from a guy I met on the internet and literally chatted with for 2 days before meeting him for a lunch date. *Generally, my friends, both guys and girls, are super respectful, well educated, supportive and fun to hang out with *


That's really good to hear then. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to deal with this sort of harassment. I wish you the best.



> As for my hair, why did you feel the need to say you didn't like it?


Sorry, I admit it was a little rude and uncalled for since you didn't ask me for my opinion. I wasn't saying it to insult you or put you down or anything like that, I'm just not huge fan of how it looks, esp. compared to the way it looked before (the natural hair). That's my personal opinion though, I could be totally wrong. Other people who replied seem to like it. :stu

Though I did say "it's ok", I never said it's particularly terrible.


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## Fever Dream (Aug 18, 2015)

Whether his intentions were malicious or benign, you did the right thing by letting him know how you felt and you probably did the best thing by cutting ties when he couldn't accept it.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

peace_love said:


> Congrats on being honest. I like you.


Aw, thank you! I've seen you post around, and you're very sweet! I like you too!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Fever Dream said:


> Whether his intentions were malicious or benign you did the right thing by letting him know how you felt and you probably did the best thing by cutting ties when he couldn't except it.


Thank you for the supportive answer


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Harassment ?


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> Trust me, they're not joking. Like you said, it's just a way to build themselves up and make it seem like you didn't hurt them in anyway. It shows they're very insecure.


Defense mechanism and he couldn't deal with rejection. It's a common thing for men. Someone shouldn't have that type of reaction after a single date where they've only formed a superficial connection with the other person. Honesty is all we ask for and if you don't feel compatible, it's appreciated if you tell us before we get to know to you and start to think a relationship is possible. Some women let it get to that point because they can't say no but that didn't happen in your situation so this was the appropriate way to handle it.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Methodical said:


> Defense mechanism and he couldn't deal with rejection. It's a common thing for men. Someone shouldn't have that type of reaction after a single date where they've only formed a superficial connection with the other person. Honesty is all we ask for and if you don't feel compatible, it's appreciated if you tell us before we get to know to you and start to think a relationship is possible. Some women let it get to that point because they can't say no but that didn't happen in your situation so this was the appropriate way to handle it.


Thank you. It's nice to hear your perspective


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

I could understand that reaction if both of you were close to each other. (I'd have a similar one tbh) But if it was just the first date, that sounds like a really weird reaction.


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## TimeUpComeOn (Oct 10, 2015)

Wow, so much analyzing ... 
This is what makes relationships so hard today,
Every move is analyzed,
overthinked.
And then you start to play roulette and not live the life.
Always thinking,
About: if we made friends, is she "right" for me, how will my future with her look like, what she does, what she did ... all of that stuff,
is,
NOTHING,
compared to what you feel.
And then you realize,
I don't need to know you,
when I feel like I know you my whole life.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

gunner21 said:


> I could understand that reaction if both of you were close to each other. (I'd have a similar one tbh) But if it was just the first date, that sounds like a really weird reaction.


Right? I would have understood and had a long conversation if knew each other well, but we were like strangers!


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

i have known people who absolutely can't take even the smallest rejection or criticism and react to it with extreme anger. i have seen it and it's weird! Maybe this guy who responded to you like that was one of those people? none of us are perfect in this life and we all have our faults. because of that i try to be empathetic because i know i'm not perfect. these are just my thoughts in re to your video. cheers.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> Why are there claws in this thread?
> 
> Is this thread catfightist?


meeeeeeeowwwww!!!!!


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Did he know you're a camgirl?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

nubly said:


> Did he know you're a camgirl?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im gonna need proof ...

Do you have the permalink ?


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

sajs said:


> Haillzz91 said:
> 
> 
> > Before, I made a video about sexual and physical harassment. Here's one about verbal harassment. My story and how to deal with it assertively and with strength.
> ...


Lol, go away dude.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

stylicho said:


> Lol, go away dude.


forgot some people here can not handle the truth, or they can but they just prefer to be cool with the chicks here .


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> I had to stop the video because it was just nonsense.
> 
> First, a slap in the butt might be some kind of "sexual harassment", but it depends so much on where you were and stuff, it is not the same to get a slap in the street while you were passing by than get a slap on a club, maybe it is not right, but some chicks are expecting it, lol, we are not mind readers, if you have the look like someone who will enjoy it, guys are gonna try it, lol.
> 
> ...


You made A LOT of assumptions, buddy. When I got my *** slapped, I was walking out of an A T & T store because I just upgraded my phone and was walking to a Whole Foods market, not walking by a club. In fact, I hate clubs.

As for the guy I wasn't interested in, to society, he was actually more physically attractive than the guy I'm interested in because he was muscular, a drummer for a band that tours Europe, and works in production. The guy I actually like is a little chubby, is 24 and goes to a community college for mechanic engineering. I just find he's got more similar interests to me, is more honest, and doesn't act eccentric and weird.

In conclusion, you made poor judgements


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

stylicho said:


> Lol, go away dude.


Don't worry. I proved him wrong. If he still rants, he's delusional.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

sajs said:


> stylicho said:
> 
> 
> > Lol, go away dude.
> ...


I have no connection with the chicks here lol. Just have noticed from a lot of your posts that you sound like an ***.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> You made A LOT of assumptions, buddy. When I got my *** slapped, I was walking out of an A T & T store because I just upgraded my phone and was walking to a Whole Foods market, not walking by a club. In fact, I hate clubs.
> 
> As for the guy I wasn't interested in, to society, he was actually more physically attractive than the guy I'm interested in because he was muscular, a drummer for a band that tours Europe, and works in production. The guy I actually like is a little chubby, is 24 and goes to a community college for mechanic engineering. I just find he's got more similar interests to me, is more honest, and doesn't act eccentric and weird.
> 
> In conclusion, you made poor judgements


I never said you were in a club, I just stated how that can be different in different situations, I could have played your other video, but considering this one, it was not going to happen.

I used the word "probably" hot/hotter. In any case, you dated this guy then kept looking and found someone else, it would be more rationale to first search, be sure, and then make your mind. You did not say I cut him off after the first date because he was eccentric and weird, that would have made sense, but no ...

I know it does not matter what I say since you have the tendency to convince yourself of whatever you want to believe.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

stylicho said:


> I have no connection with the chicks here lol. Just have noticed from a lot of your posts that you sound like an ***.


Maybe, its what you get for telling some of this weepers how weepers they are.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

sajs said:


> I had to stop the video because it was just nonsense.
> 
> First, a slap in the butt might be some kind of "sexual harassment", but it depends so much on where you were and stuff, it is not the same to get a slap in the street while you were passing by than get a slap on a club, maybe it is not right, but some chicks are expecting it, lol, we are not mind readers, if you have the look like someone who will enjoy it, guys are gonna try it, lol.
> 
> ...


+1

This is exactly how I felt while watching these videos. Everything is racism, misogynistic, harassment, etc. It all stems from outrage culture and the female victim complex. This was not even remotely close (even if it was multiple text messages) to verbal harassment. This just shows to me how easy your life has been that you think this is verbal harassment.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> Don't worry. I proved him wrong. If he still rants, he's delusional.


I am not ranting, I am not mad, but probably you think this is verbal harassment, don't you ?

The only thing you proved is that you are self-centered and don't consider much other people's feelings because you apparently don't have some more minutes to think better before making your mind.
I wonder what would have happened if you didnt find this other guy after dating this guy, you would have probably dated him again, the fact that you rejected him after you found someone else and not immediately after your date went wrong as you say proves this fact and there is nothing you can say about it.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Ignopius said:


> +1
> 
> This is exactly how I felt while watching these videos. Everything is racism, misogynistic, harassment, etc. It all stems from outrage culture and the female victim complex. This was not even remotely close (even if it was multiple text messages) to verbal harassment. This just shows to me how easy your life has been that you think this is verbal harassment.


Man, you know that a +1 coming from you makes me more harm than good ? you are killing me here :lol


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

sajs said:


> I had to stop the video because it was just nonsense.
> 
> *First, a slap in the butt might be some kind of "sexual harassment", but it depends so much on where you were and stuff, it is not the same to get a slap in the street while you were passing by than get a slap on a club, maybe it is not right, but some chicks are expecting it, lol, we are not mind readers, if you have the look like someone who will enjoy it, guys are gonna try it, lol.*
> 
> ...


There was a lot more to it than that if you watched her other video she posted here earlier.

Moreover slapping a stranger is over the line, why the **** would you ever do that to a random stranger?


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## MondKrabbe (Sep 7, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> There was a lot more to it than that if you watched her other video she posted here earlier.
> 
> Moreover slapping a stranger is over the line, why the **** would you ever do that to a random stranger?


Because they "expect it" for whatever reason. They're "asking for it" would probably be a more accurate way of putting it.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Good for you for standing up for yourself Hailey - I think you did the right thing by blocking this guy. Better to just get away from guys like that straight away.

I hope the other guy is nice and treats you the way he should.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> +1
> 
> This is exactly how I felt while watching these videos. Everything is racism, misogynistic, harassment, etc. It all stems from outrage culture and the female victim complex. This was not even remotely close (even if it was multiple text messages) to verbal harassment. This just shows to me how easy your life has been that you think this is verbal harassment.


I was born in skid row, my mom was a drug addict porn star, and both my parents are bipolar. Yeah, my life was sooooo easy hahaha


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

don said:


> Good for you for standing up for yourself Hailey - I think you did the right thing by blocking this guy. Better to just get away from guys like that straight away.
> 
> I hope the other guy is nice and treats you the way he should.


Thank you Don  This other guy is nice, very open minded, and has a positive mindset. Last night, I started crying because I miss my grandmother (She died earlier this year which was hard for me because I love her and she raised me) and he just held me close and cuddled me until I calmed down


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> There was a lot more to it than that if you watched her other video she posted here earlier.
> 
> Moreover slapping a stranger is over the line, why the **** would you ever do that to a random stranger?


Ohh, I just want to slap your butt right now so much :lol.

As I said, considering the nonsense of the former video no way in hell I was going to play that other video.

To answer your question, casual sex, some chicks dig it some don't, never done it to a stranger, not even in a club (where I did not use to go since I don't like it, but went a few times to accompany some guys who asked), but it happens and some ****ty chicks like it, and you can tell pretty much by observation what chick would dig it, I mean, I did not made this stuff up, it happens and it is not my fault that people is doing it or other people is liking it.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> There was a lot more to it than that if you watched her other video she posted here earlier.
> 
> Moreover slapping a stranger is over the line, why the **** would you ever do that to a random stranger?


Yeah, you don't do that. It psychologically messes with people when someone touches a stranger.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

MondKrabbe said:


> Because they "expect it" for whatever reason. They're "asking for it" would probably be a more accurate way of putting it.


Yeah, that did seem to be what he was saying.



sajs said:


> Ohh, I just want to slap your butt right now so much :lol.


Go ahead, I reckon I'll be the perfect height for kneeing you in your balls. :lol


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> Ohh, I just want to slap your butt right now so much :lol.
> 
> As I said, considering the nonsense of the former video no way in hell I was going to play that other video.
> 
> To answer your question, casual sex, some chicks dig it some don't, never done it to a stranger, not even in a club (where I did not use to go since I don't like it, but went a few times to accompany some guys who asked), but it happens and some ****ty chicks like it, and you can tell pretty much by observation what chick would dig it, I mean, I did not made this stuff up, it happens and it is not my fault that people is doing it or other people is liking it.


I'm going to report your comments. You're disrespecting, not only me, but other posters on here and I do not think that's right!


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Why is it that the men who think women are exaggerating their experiences are often the same men who feel persecuted by women?

Talk about exaggerating.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Ignopius said:


> +1
> 
> This is exactly how I felt while watching these videos. Everything is racism, misogynistic, harassment, etc. It all stems from outrage culture and the female victim complex. This was not even remotely close (even if it was multiple text messages) to verbal harassment. This just shows to me how easy your life has been that you think this is verbal harassment.


Hailey is talking about standing up for ourselves. i think it's perfectly reasonable for her to post things like this here - if something is bothering her then why shouldn't she? It's not our place to say if it was or wasn't harassment - the thing is it made her cry. That's not nice.

What if it were you that was upset - should we just dismiss it like it was nothing too?


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

truant said:


> Why is it that the men who think women are exaggerating their experiences are often the same men who feel persecuted by women?
> 
> Talk about exaggerating.


Hahaha right? I noticed that too! MGTOWs on youtube hate women and say all women are the C word, but then say that women are the ones who are verbally aggressive and cheaters. I just roll my eyes and move on.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

don said:


> Hailey is talking about standing up for ourselves. i think it's perfectly reasonable for her to post things like this here - if something is bothering her then why shouldn't she? It's not our place to say if it was or wasn't harassment - the thing is it made her cry. That's not nice.
> 
> What if it were you that was upset - should we just dismiss it like it was nothing too?


Thank you Don. You're really good at keeping your cool. I wish I was that way. It's hard to stay calm though when you're constantly being attacked during a vulnerable time


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Roberto said:


> i have known people who absolutely can't take even the smallest rejection or criticism and react to it with extreme anger. i have seen it and it's weird! Maybe this guy who responded to you like that was one of those people? n*one of us are perfect in this life and we all have our faults. because of that i try to be empathetic because i know i'm not perfect. these are just my thoughts in re to your video. cheers.*


 You're a good person, Roberto.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> I'm going to report your comments. You're disrespecting, not only me, but other posters on here and I do not think that's right!


Yes, go ahead and then make a video about it !

You are not the saviour though and I think you are being so condescending because you think they cant click a little button on their own.

You are so mad because of the truth that your only resource is to track my comments to OTHER people and complain about it in any way.

I dare you to find any quote on my posts to you that it is disrespecting, if you don't handle opinions go and make a blog with disabled comments.

And tell me what it is more disrespecting, if me telling you self-centered or you calling some other person a harasser.

Think about it.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I hate videos of people talking, so I'm pretty annoyed that the comments here made me have to see for myself what happened, especially since the comments really misrepresented this. You didn't do a great job explaining, but I look at those dating site creep tumblrs so I understood what type of texts you were getting, basically the guy being extremely pushy and trying to make you feel guilty about not giving him a chance, with the messages escalating the more you continued to say no. I probably wouldn't have cared but I'm heartless, it's understandable that someone more sensitive might have felt uncomfortable and threatened by messages like that. You also put that text bubble in there that says you told him you were uncomfortable but he continued.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Haillzz91 said:


> Thank you Don  This other guy is nice, very open minded, and has a positive mindset. Last night, I started crying because I miss my grandmother (She died earlier this year which was hard for me because I love her and she raised me) and he just held me close and cuddled me until I calmed down


I'm glad you've found someone nice Hailey.

Your video struck a cord with me because my best friend back in Australia is going out with a guy that is very manipulative and has extreme anger issues. I really want her to get away form him but she keeps going back to him because she's very lonely and has quite low self-esteem. It's terrible and I worry about her a lot.

Sometimes it's very hard to know what is acceptable behaviour -- especially for those of us that are very lonely and desperately want someone in our lives. Personally I think it's better to be alone or to wait till someone else comes along than to put up with manipulative and nasty people.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

don said:


> Hailey is talking about standing up for ourselves. i think it's perfectly reasonable for her to post things like this here - if something is bothering her then why shouldn't she? It's not our place to say if it was or wasn't harassment - the thing is it made her cry. That's not nice.
> 
> What if it were you that was upset - should we just dismiss it like it was nothing too?


I think it depends on what made them cry. I see a lot of threads here along the lines of (exagerating) "I went outside today and someone said hi to me, I want to cry". I mean, it is not like they laughed at him or nothing, so ... should we say him "too bad", "poor little thing" , or we should say him "are you ****ing kidding me ?"


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

sajs said:


> Ohh, I just want to slap your butt right now so much :lol.
> 
> As I said, considering the nonsense of the former video no way in hell I was going to play that other video.
> 
> To answer your question, casual sex, some chicks dig it some don't, never done it to a stranger, not even in a club (where I did not use to go since I don't like it, but went a few times to accompany some guys who asked), but it happens and some ****ty chicks like it, and you can tell pretty much by observation what chick would dig it, I mean, I did not made this stuff up, it happens and it is not my fault that people is doing it or other people is liking it.


Must be an Argentine thing. Next time I see an Argentine chick I'm going to slap her nalgas.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah, that did seem to be what he was saying.
> 
> Go ahead, I reckon I'll be the perfect height for kneeing you in your balls. :lol


Then forget about having childrens :lol.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

nubly said:


> Must be an Argentine thing. Next time I see an Argentine chick I'm going to slap her nalgas.


Just make sure she is not my sister so I don't have to kill you .


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

sajs said:


> I think it depends on what made them cry. I see a lot of threads here along the lines of (exagerating) "I went outside today and someone said hi to me, I want to cry". I mean, it is not like they laughed at him or nothing, so ... should we say him "too bad", "poor little thing" , or we should say him "are you ****ing kidding me ?"


You're a reasonable person - i know from before. It doesn't matter what the reason is - this is supposed to be a support site. And Hailey is a member here - it's as simple as that. She's also actively trying to fight her social anxiety, as am I - and I have a huge amount of respect for her.

Why would you feel the need to have a go at her - she's just talking about something that upset her?


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

I've noticed a trend whit her threads.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> Yes, go ahead and then make a video about it !
> 
> You are not the saviour though and I think you are being so condescending because you think they cant click a little button on their own.
> 
> ...


Actually, helping other people is called being supportive. That's all I want to say in response to this though. Your rudeness is not worth my time, so I won't be responding to you after this.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Haillzz91 said:


> Thank you Don. You're really good at keeping your cool. I wish I was that way. It's hard to stay calm though when you're constantly being attacked during a vulnerable time


I'm not actually all that good at it Hailey - I have a terrible temper. But I'm trying.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

don said:


> You're a reasonable person - i know from before. It doesn't matter what the reason is - this is supposed to be a support site. And Hailey is a member here - it's as simple as that. She's also actively trying to fight her social anxiety, as am I - and I have a huge amount of respect for her.
> 
> Why would you feel the need to have a go at her - she's just talking about something that upset her?


I partly agree with you, but I think this could have been have been avoided if it were posted in the proper section. This is the controversial debate section, and by posting it here she's asking to be criticized and have the events of her story up for debate on whether she was actually harassed.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

don said:


> You're a reasonable person - i know from before. It doesn't matter what the reason is - this is supposed to be a support site. And Hailey is a member here - it's as simple as that. She's also actively trying to fight her social anxiety, as am I - and I have a huge amount of respect for her.
> 
> Why would you feel the need to have a go at her - she's just talking about something that upset her?


Yes, I know what you mean, but I guess it is really subjective what to think about a given topic or how to think about a given topic.
Personally, I would not say anyone what they want to hear if it does not seem right to me, even though it is a support forum if we just agree with everything even if we are not ok with it, it will become a "lie" forum.
Yes, yes, I know, someone has the chance to not post anything and save their opinions, but the one who posts should not become crazy for any opinion he/she does not like.

Anyway, at the end of the day we all go to sleep and forget about everything.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I hate videos of people talking, so I'm pretty annoyed that the comments here made me have to see for myself what happened, especially since the comments really misrepresented this. You didn't do a great job explaining, but I look at those dating site creep tumblrs so I understood what type of texts you were getting, basically the guy being extremely pushy and trying to make you feel guilty about not giving him a chance, with the messages escalating the more you continued to say no. I probably wouldn't have cared but I'm heartless, it's understandable that someone more sensitive might have felt uncomfortable and threatened by messages like that. You also put that text bubble in there that says you told him you were uncomfortable but he continued.


Yeah, I guess I wasn't very clear, but you got it spot on! It didn't matter that I was being polite and staying calm, he would just escalate and escalate and it's very uncomfortable for me. I don't understand why people get angry and yell. I never yell because my mom always yelled at me and other people and I didn't think it was nice, so I explain my emotions in words.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

the fact is, this is her side of the story.


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## longtimenolove (Oct 21, 2015)

The comments in this thread have been insightful. This is why women like confident men. It's not a mystery. Women are not a mystery. Confident men don't belittle us with sweeping statements that originate from their own insecurities.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

longtimenolove said:


> The comments in this thread have been insightful. This is why women like confident men. It's not a mystery. Women are not a mystery. *Confident men don't belittle us with sweeping statements that originate from their own insecurities.*


Thats far from the truth.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

sajs said:


> Yes, I know what you mean, but I guess it is really subjective what to think about a given topic or how to think about a given topic.
> Personally, I would not say anyone what they want to hear if it does not seem right to me, even though it is a support forum if we just agree with everything even if we are not ok with it, it will become a "lie" forum.
> Yes, yes, I know, someone has the chance to not post anything and save their opinions, but the one who posts should not become crazy for any opinion he/she does not like.
> 
> *Anyway, at the end of the day we all go to sleep and forget about everything.*


You're wrong there my friend - some of us don't forget at all.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I partly agree with you, but I think this could have been have been avoided if it were posted in the proper section. This is the controversial debate section, and by posting it here she's asking to be criticized and have the events of her story up for debate on whether she was actually harassed.


I didn't know this wasn't the best section to post it though. I just figured harassment is a societal issue and thought this was the right section.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

sajs said:


> Then forget about having childrens :lol.


Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness they say.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

longtimenolove said:


> The comments in this thread have been insightful. This is why women like confident men. It's not a mystery. Women are not a mystery. *Confident men don't belittle us with sweeping statements that originate from their own insecurities*.


Good point.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> Actually, helping other people is called being supportive. That's all I want to say in response to this though. Your rudeness is not worth my time, so I won't be responding to you after this.


Helping people who needs help is called being supported. Why don't you check Persephone reply to what I said and then think about if she took it wrong or as a joke like was intended and then think about if you would made the same statement you did because of that.

If you would not, you got the point. If you would do it still, that shows you only want to make something against me despite if you are right or not.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

don said:


> You're wrong there my friend - some of us don't forget at all.


Yeah, actually it stays in our subconscious and thats how psychological problems are formed...from abuse from other people.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I partly agree with you, but I think this could have been have been avoided *if it were posted in the proper section*. This is the controversial debate section, and by posting it here she's asking to be criticized and have the events of her story up for debate on whether she was actually harassed.


When i look at something on here I never even notice which section it's in. I read what's said, that's all.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> Helping people who needs help is called being supported. Why don't you check Persephone reply to what I said and then think about if she took it wrong or as a joke like was intended and then think about if you would made the same statement you did because of that.
> 
> If you would not, you got the point. If you would do it still, that shows you only want to make something against me despite if you are right or not.


If it was a joke, it was a really rude and crude joke to say you wanted to slap her butt. She had every right to be mad with you.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness they say.


You are mean =( :lol


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Haillzz91 said:


> Yeah, actually it stays in our subconscious and thats how psychological problems are formed...from abuse from other people.


Yeah, from abuse and from misunderstanding - there's a lot of the latter on this forum.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

don said:


> When i look at something on here I never even notice which section it's in. I read what's said, that's all.


I can understand that, I don't usually either, but there are different sections and actually if you look at the rules they're moderated differently. Specifically, this section is moderated more loosely and allows criticism of each other. Not personal attacks, but, this section isn't required to be supportive and expects a debate.



Haillzz91 said:


> I didn't know this wasn't the best section to post it though. I just figured harassment is a societal issue and thought this was the right section.


It really just depends on what your goals were. If you don't want people to debate over whether what happened is actually harassment or whether you were just oversensitive, then this would not be a good place to put it. It looks from the video you mostly wanted to give advice to others on standing up for themselves, so coping was probably best, or frustration, or even general discussion would be good.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> If it was a joke, it was a really rude and crude joke to say you wanted to slap her butt. She had every right to be mad with you.


But she did not, she is not as paranoid as you are about simple things (and you are the one who overcame social anxiety).

I don't know you, and don't know why you take these things too personal, maybe something happened to you, and I regret that, but as you said you differentiate from mexicans who are not pervs and stuff, I think you should apply the same with other stuff.

And you still want to be right, don't you ?


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I can understand that, I don't usually either, but there are different sections and actually if you look at the rules they're moderated differently. Specifically, this section is moderated more loosely and allows criticism of each other. Not personal attacks, but, this section isn't required to be supportive and expects a debate.
> 
> It really just depends on what your goals were. If you don't want people to debate over whether what happened is actually harassment or whether you were just oversensitive, then this would not be a good place to put it. It looks from the video you mostly wanted to give advice to others on standing up for themselves, so coping was probably best, or frustration, or even general discussion would be good.


Oh ok. Good to know!  I was not looking for a debate at all hahaha


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Well, verbal harassment is not SASsy.
You can stand up to it and still keep your integrity. 
If something like that happens on the first step - it's VERY bad, but it would totally worse if it happened later on. It is best to take care of that right off the bat.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> But she did not, she is not as paranoid as you are about simple things (and you are the one who overcame social anxiety).
> 
> I don't know you, and don't know why you take these things too personal, maybe something happened to you, and I regret that, but as you said you differentiate from mexicans who are not pervs and stuff, I think you should apply the same with other stuff.
> 
> And you still want to be right, don't you ?


I'm not paranoid. I stand up for what's right because I care about making a positive difference in this world and while some people, such as you don't agree, there's many other people that do listen and are motivated to continue the spreading of positivity, love, and compassion.

I don't care if I'm right or wrong, but I do get frustrated and disappointed when I see a majority of guys still behaving like it's the 1950s and treating women like objects.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Well, verbal harassment is not SASsy.
> You can stand up to it and still keep your integrity.
> If something like that happens on the first step - it's VERY bad, but it would totally worse if it happened later on. It is best to take care of that right off the bat.


Exactly!  Better to take care of it in the beginning instead of letting it slowly break you down!


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> I'm not paranoid. I stand up for what's right because I care about making a positive difference in this world and while some people, such as you don't agree, there's many other people that do listen and are motivated to continue the spreading of positivity, love, and compassion.
> 
> I don't care if I'm right or wrong, but I do get frustrated and disappointed when I see a majority of guys still behaving like it's the 1950s and treating women like objects.


That is the thing you don't get, you also treated the first guy as an object, even if he was a jerk.
Dated him, kept looking instead of saying to him straight off that it was not going to work, found something else, decided to dump him.
If you happened to cut him off right away I wouldn't have said anything.
So, you are not a total victim or, put another way, you are not the ONLY victim.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

sajs said:


> You are mean =( :lol


I'm not a 'touchy feely' person when it comes to strangers. If that was a joke, I didn't find it amusing given the context.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

sajs said:


> That is the thing you don't get, you also treated the first guy as an object, even if he was a jerk.
> Dated him, kept looking instead of saying to him straight of that it was not going to work, found something else, decided to dump him.
> If happened to cut him off right away I wouldn't have said anything.
> So, you are not a total victim or, put another way, you are not the ONLY victim.


I disagree. But I'm not going to say why because I am done talking to you. Absolutely done.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm not a 'touchy feely' person when it comes to strangers.


But I have a profile and a description :confused.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm not a 'touchy feely' person when it comes to strangers. If that was a joke, I didn't find it amusing given the context.


Me either. and if saying "Now I really what to touch your butt" is a joke, I'm not really sure what the set up or the punch line is. Seems like a really poor joke to me and not funny at all.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> I disagree. But I'm not going to say why because I am done talking to you. Absolutely done.


You were done 10 posts ago, apparently.

You are not going to say because you need to think about it further. But I will humor you and take the "absolutely done" excuse ...


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> Me either. and if saying "Now I really what to touch your butt" is a joke, I'm not really sure what the set up or the punch line is. Seems like a really poor joke to me and not funny at all.


Wait, is it all about I did not say that to you ? :lol

(now you will be punching your screen :lol)


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

My friend, Steve, made a really good video response on the topic and discussed how he had similar experiences with girls where he said he didn't click with them and they started saying mean things to him. I also like his point about not letting people you don't know get to you


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

MODS--

It might be better if this thread was transferred to a more suitable sub-forum like Blogs, Relationships, Frustration, Coping With Social Anxiety, Secondary Disorders etc....

Such a thread/video in the S&C forum, which is intended for criticism and debate, is only going to end up being non-therapeutic and divisive for everybody involved .... :no


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

WinterDave said:


> MODS--
> 
> It might be better if this thread was transferred to a more suitable sub-forum like Blogs, Relationships, Frustration, Coping With Social Anxiety, Secondary Disorders etc....
> 
> Such a thread/video in the S&C forum, which is intended for criticism and debate, is going to be non-therapeutic and divisive .... :no


haha Agreed


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

longtimenolove said:


> The comments in this thread have been insightful. This is why women like confident men. It's not a mystery. Women are not a mystery. *Confident men don't belittle us with sweeping statements that originate from their own insecurities.*


Careful!--you're going to open yourself up to a ****storm of sweeping statements. :b



M0rbid said:


> Thats far from the truth.


"Confident man" ≠ "a-hole."


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

tehuti88 said:


> Careful!--you're going to open yourself up to a ****storm of sweeping statements. :b


You could even state that the sky is blue and people would disagree with you on this thread


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

longtimenolove said:


> Confident men don't belittle us with sweeping statements that originate from their own insecurities.





tehuti88 said:


> Careful!--you're going to open yourself up to a ****storm of sweeping statements. :b





Haillzz91 said:


> You could even state that the sky is blue and people would disagree with you on this thread


Perhaps.
But not all guys with low confidence treat women poorly, and I don't think it help them build confidence if they are assumed to be abusive or manipulative or hear that women want to avoid them just because they have low confidence.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

This thread's a train wreck.

Anyway, it all comes down to respect. If a guy or girl doesn't treat you with respect, you don't want them in your life. If you go on a date with a guy and then tell him you don't think it's going to work out, he has to respect your decision whether he thinks it's right or not. If he starts guilt tripping you and manipulating you, guess what? That's how he's going to behave in the relationship. You don't want to get involved with someone who isn't really interested in how you feel about anything.

It really has nothing to do with confidence, since plenty of guys with low confidence treat other people with respect and plenty of confident guys have no need to manipulate anyone. It's just the guys that think you owe them something that have a problem and that has nothing to do with how confident they are.

When women say they want a "nice guy" I think what they're mostly talking about is someone who respects them and other people. That's why they always have scenes in movies with guys being nice to kids and puppies and old ladies to show they're the good guys. You can tell the difference between genuine respect and false respect because someone who genuinely respects you respects your decisions and your feelings, he doesn't try to make you feel bad to convince you you're wrong about everything.


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## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Shouldn't this be in the relationships section?


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

truant said:


> Anyway, it all comes down to respect. If a guy or girl doesn't treat you with respect, you don't want them in your life. If you go on a date with a guy and then tell him you don't think it's going to work out, he has to respect your decision whether he thinks it's right or not. If he starts guilt tripping you and manipulating you, guess what? That's how he's going to behave in the relationship. You don't want to get involved with someone who isn't really interested in how you feel about anything.


Pretty much.
I can understand someone being disappointed or upset in the situation - while it might only have been a single date, it can mean a lot to people who don't go on dates often - but starting to take out that disappointment in a hostile or guilt tripping way is not good. Most people know that, so they just move on, even if they feel wronged or treated unfairly.



truant said:


> When women say they want a "nice guy" I think what they're mostly talking about is someone who respects them and other people. That's why they always have scenes in movies with guys being nice to kids and puppies and old ladies to show they're the good guys.


It's kinda funny, but I remember seeing someone on here some years ago say she wanted someone that was attentive to only her and not _everybody's hero_, I think the phrase was.
I found that quite odd :b



truant said:


> You can tell the difference between genuine respect and false respect because someone who genuinely respects you respects your decisions and your feelings, he doesn't try to make you feel bad to convince you you're wrong about everything.


Strongly agree with this.
A relationship with someone who did that would be pretty damn awful.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

don said:


> ... this is supposed to be a support site. And Hailey is a member here - it's as simple as that. She's also actively trying to fight her social anxiety, as am I - and I have a huge amount of respect for her.
> 
> Why would you feel the need to have a go at her - she's just talking about something that upset her?


This is not the support section of the site. This is where you post to debate and/or get into an argument. Maybe some mod could move this thread somewhere else. Coping with SA maybe?


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

chefdave said:


> I love Hello Kitty


dude me too no way!!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

truant said:


> This thread's a train wreck.
> 
> Anyway, it all comes down to respect. If a guy or girl doesn't treat you with respect, you don't want them in your life. If you go on a date with a guy and then tell him you don't think it's going to work out, he has to respect your decision whether he thinks it's right or not. If he starts guilt tripping you and manipulating you, guess what? That's how he's going to behave in the relationship. You don't want to get involved with someone who isn't really interested in how you feel about anything.
> 
> ...


I love this post  I agree with everything that you said


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## UnusualSuspect (Feb 24, 2014)

I just realized something...why the hell is this in the Society and Culture section? This belongs either in the Frustration or Dating/Relationships section.
If you post it here, prepare to get unhelpful advice and people arguing over issues that are irrelevant. Just saying.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

sajs said:


> So, you are not a total victim or, put another way, you are not the ONLY victim.


Dude, you are one of the rudest posters I have seen not only on this site but anywhere else on the internet. It seems you verbally attack people pretty regularly. I don't know what your issues are but I honestly think based on reading your posts on a few topics, that you are causing more harm than good.

You can't just take out your problems on SAS posters and barrage them with insults. That is just NOT COOL. People here have enough problems without you verbally harassing and bullying them.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> Dude, you are one of the rudest posters I have seen not only on this site but anywhere else on the internet. It seems you verbally attack people pretty regularly. I don't know what your issues are but I honestly think based on reading your posts on a few topics, that you are causing more harm than good.
> 
> You can't just take out your problems on SAS posters and barrage them with insults. That is just NOT COOL. People here have enough problems without you verbally harassing and bullying them.


Show me any insult directed to someone and then we will talk.

If you refer as an insult saying her "self centered" or "paranoid", then how about her calling another person a harasser ? I think that is worse.

And what is wrong about saying that she is not the ONLY victim in the situation she described and that the guy was also a victim ? Did you read the following replies ?

Again, put yourself in context and not biased about which poster you like the most and then without any bias you can search for the truth.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Regardless of this crap about the exact details of what went down, the basic point here is that people need to stand up for themselves in a situation like this. It does sound like the guy was wrong but really, the guy is not here. We're only hearing one side of the story but the person telling the story is someone who seems to be honest enough and she's part of this forum.

In the end, she stood up for herself and that's really the message. The guy in the story was clearly advocating for himself so he doesn't really need a bunch of advocates. He apparently had no problems taking things to the point to where she felt he was wrong. Whether he was or not is not really relevant. 

The message you can take away here if you are on the guy's side is that when a girl tells you she's not interested you should assume she means it. If she doesn't she'll be back on her own. If she does mean business and you keep on she's only going to get offended and upset. No one wins.


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## nelovko (Oct 18, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> Before, I made a video about sexual and physical harassment. Here's one about verbal harassment. My story and how to deal with it assertively and with strength.


When you're dating two guys at once, and have been dating for 11 years, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, but it means you are a "serial dater".

I think you should have told the guy who you dropped like a rock that you were interested in another guy. You don't like it when someone gets upset with you because you choose someone else over them? Try honesty. It's a beautiful thing.

Harassment sucks. Any kind of harassment is wrong. Any dude who abuses a woman ain't no man. But unless he called you names, you are likely overreacting, in a huge way.

How would you like it if a guy was dating two chicks at once, your two or three day text message conversation was going fairly well, you really dug this guy, and the last time you guys communicated everything was copescetic. But then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he contacts you and says, "This just ain't gonna work." And then you find out he was dating you and someone else at the same time and he chose another chick over you. Instead of being honest with you and treating you like a person, he lied to you, because he thought he'd be saving you some hurt.

Honesty hurts. But it's always better than white lies. White lies are still lies. A lie is a lie is a lie.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Regardless of this crap about the exact details of what went down,* the basic point here is that people need to stand up for themselves in a situation like this.* It does sound like the guy was wrong but really, the guy is not here. We're only hearing one side of the story but the person telling the story is someone who seems to be honest enough and she's part of this forum.
> 
> *In the end, she stood up for herself and that's really the message.* The guy in the story was clearly advocating for himself so he doesn't really need a bunch of advocates. He apparently had no problems taking things to the point to where she felt he was wrong. Whether he was or not is not really relevant.
> 
> *The message you can take away here if you are on the guy's side is that when a girl tells you she's not interested you should assume she means it.* If she doesn't she'll be back on her own. If she does mean business and you keep on she's only going to get offended and upset. No one wins.


Thank you


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

nelovko said:


> When you're dating two guys at once, and have been dating for 11 years, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, but it means you are a "serial dater".
> 
> I think you should have told the guy who you dropped like a rock that you were interested in another guy. You don't like it when someone gets upset with you because you choose someone else over them? Try honesty. It's a beautiful thing.
> 
> ...


Honestly, I wouldn't mind. I would understand where he was coming from. Then again, I have high self esteem, so I can only see from my perspective. And going on one date with 2 guys is not dating at the same time in my opinion. It's called casual dating.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

McFly said:


> This was another epic thread derailment, multiple times over :lol.
> 
> But yeah, going on a date with a person doesn't mean the two are a couple. People can have an old fashioned way of dating, that you are exclusive to just one person at a time. But sometimes a person goes on a couple dates and it doesn't work out but they get pissed when they find out that the other person had another person they were going on dates with. You're not an actual couple until you've both agreed to go steady. Even having sex doesn't mean you're in a relationship yet.
> 
> But the right thing to do is to let the other one know early on that you're a casual dater, that will save you from a future mess if they don't go for that lifestyle.


Yeah, I agree with all of it. I guess I just figured it was the 21st century and casual dating is now the normal thing to do? Especially in your late teens and early 20s?


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> Yeah, I agree with all of it. I guess I just figured it was the 21st century and casual dating is now the normal thing to do? Especially in your late teens and early 20s?


Fashions come and go. Not that long ago it was customary for young women to go on supervised dates with a number of different suitors. So if you want to talk about "traditional", casually dating more than one man at a time is actually pretty traditional. It's downright Victorian.

Ofc, they also didn't have premarital sex back then, so you have to keep it in perspective. :laugh:


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