# I can't talk to my parents.



## breakincaseofemergency (Feb 5, 2014)

I apologise for the length in advance...I just have been keeping this bottled inside for a long while, and need some help.

For the past few years, I have found myself unable to speak to my parents about anything. I have found, when I have problems that I went to speak to other family members before them who I felt more comfortable with, which would then get my parents irritated and make me even less likely to talk to them about anything because of how they reacted to me.

This has been going on since I was around 13.

Except now it has gotten a lot worse.

When I have important things to tell them about, such as going away on a trip, staying out overnight at a friends house, I leave it to the last minute. Even thinking about telling them anything makes me feel sick - my heart speeds up and there's a pressure in my chest. As soon as I do talk to them my temperature goes way up and I can't speak clearly at all.

Because of my inability to tell them anything we've drifted far apart and my father regularly goes through days without speaking to me even when I do get up the courage to try and talk to him. My mother doesn't seem interested when I strike up conversation and ends it as quickly as possible. I have then avoided my family even more because of how they make me feel when I go through this effort to be close to them and they rebuff me - merely staying upstairs in my bedroom.

Now that I have my problem diagnosed, I informed them of what it was, and what the most prominent manifestations are, telling them that this might be the reason for me being so distant (as previously I just assumed it was a teenage phase a little bit worse than normal). 

Since then they have been worse than ever before. I know it can't be nice to be told you provoke anxiety in your child, however there is no reason to act the way that they have been now they know that there is a problem. 

Just this week, my father has sent text messages to me which made me so anxious I didn't want to return home - and so avoided doing so for as long as I could. Tonight when I asked my parents for advice, my father ignored me, and my mother merely gave me the shortest answer 'Just do what you want' before promptly getting up from her seat and walking out.

I don't think they understand how much pain this causes me when I have to gather my courage to even speak to them to ask for advice, and they rebuff me even now. I need some advice about how to proceed because after trying for as long as I have been, I am sorely tempted to simply let go of this relationship as they don't seem to be willing to change and focus on the calming bonds with other family members and my partner.


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## Jamiok (Feb 5, 2014)

First of all you seem like a very sweet person, second of all have you tried sitting them down and telling them how you feel?

I went through severe anxiety after my dad died when i was 13 years of age then of course i had to come home every day from school to deal with my mentally ill mother. I for one had absolutely no one to talk to, eventually i just got so sick of dealing with my mum i just simply moved out and moved into shared accommodation. 
Obviously we present different circumstances here, I don't know your specific situation but you seem like you have a nice partner that supports you (hopefully)? Why don't you consider saving up to move away from your parents for example?

Other than that i suppose you could try counselling or something along those lines to bring the family back together? but judging by what you put it probably would not work anyway. I don't really know myself, it's a difficult one. I'd probably just move out of there as fast as i can.

I didn't have a girlfriend or anyone supporting me at the time i just simply said to myself " what am i doing here.. in this situation, i'm better than this." and.. so i moved out, yes it was painful and yes it was emotional but my mother was beyond help. I wasn't going to waste any more of my time looking after her, I was 19 when i moved, now i'm 20 and am finally sorting my life out.

I mean i know the purpose of you writing this out is to hopefully somehow "magically" mend your relationship with your parents but sometimes it just can't be. I suggest talking to your partner and going through all the options you have.


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## breakincaseofemergency (Feb 5, 2014)

Thank you so much for your help and sharing your experience with me. Despite it not being exactly what I wanted to hear it does seem more realistic to assume they aren't going to change after all these years. Now that I am am adult in my own right I don't have to put up with their barbs and snide comments and I'll look to expand my relationship with my partner who does a wonderful job of calming me down when I have a flare up of anxiety. 

I have to return home tonight and I'm feeling ill already, I want to just run away and keep hiding at my partners house...I've been advised I probably should go back home as I said I would however I'm finding it so tempting to just hide away from what I know will be an unpleasant altercation when I get back. 

Thanks for your help again.


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