# Therapy feels like a waste of time...



## hoodie (Jun 29, 2016)

Started seeing a therapist recently for anxiety and depression because I have insurance that makes it affordable for the first time. The first few sessions felt cathartic, I felt I could talk about things I had no one to talk about to. After 2 or 3 one hour sessions, I didn't really have anything more to vent about without being repetitive. As for treatment, the therapist is just going out of a workbook that has the same CBT concepts I've already seen in numerous self-help books I've looked into from time to time. It seems extremely tedious and pointless to go through them with a therapist, much easier to digest by yourself reading and re-reading. And as anyone who has ever thumbed through one of those books can attest to, not all the issues or concepts will pertain to your specific anxiety triggers, so it makes it even more tedious to go through things that aren't really applicable to your situation.

Maybe she's not the right person, but shoot, it feels like I need a life coach more than I need a therapist at this point. Maybe a dating coach, if there is such a thing. Even though I can see her for practically free, I'm thinking of discontinuing our sessions. I already made the next appointment 2 weeks out instead of 1 just so I have time to cancel.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I've had similar reservations. It essentially boils down to exposing myself to anxiety inducing situations. The thing is i become so absorbed in other problems and stressed that i have a hard time focusing on overcoming my issues. 

Perhaps though you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. If you can apply the techniques to just making the tiniest amount of progress that is something. Maybe discuss this with your therapist as well and if after a few months you get the vibe she isn't anle to get to the root of your problems it could be time to try someone else.


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## Dragoon (Jul 29, 2015)

I wholeheartedly agree. I stopped seeing my therapist for that very same reason -- I was repeating myself over, and over, and over, every single session. His tips were essentially: do a social anxiety workbook and stop thinking irrationally. The workbook seems great for people with situational social anxiety, but my anxiety is not limited to any specific social situation. My life _is_ social anxiety. It doesn't turn off in "safe" environments. There _are_ no safe environments. I have yet to see a professional who actually understands what I deal with every day.

I think the problem is that your run-of-the-mill anxiety/depression therapist only has a very general knowledge about social anxiety. They go by the books and hand out advice that might be helpful to an average person. Regular therapists just don't seem to have the expertise to help with cases of extreme social anxiety.

In a few days I'll be seeing a psychologist who does extensive testing and diagnostics, plus he gives out recommendations, so I'm hoping he can point me in the right direction. Neither therapy nor medication have helped at all, and I'm getting pretty desperate to find some kind of social anxiety expert who can help pull me out of this hell.


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## Wanderlust26 (Oct 26, 2016)

Therapists didn't really help me back then either, but it's not their fault. I already knew the root causes of my maladaptive thinking patterns and behaviors. What I needed was motivation to push myself out of my comfort zone. Maybe if I had asked for motivational tips then they would have been more useful. I also didn't trust their reactions/responses when I vented. Did they really get me or are they just humoring me.... I really wanted genuine understanding and I don't think I can ever get that from someone who gets paid to listen.

I think if there's nothing else confusing you need to sort through, feel that you're done venting and just need help with pushing yourself, a life coach would be a better idea. They seem to act as a therapist/cheerleader.


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## Solomoon (Dec 29, 2017)

For me therapy was pretty much just having someone to talk to and encourage me. I liked it though and if money wasn't an issue I might still be doing it. Guess it all depends on what you're trying to get out of it but a "personal cheerleader" can be pretty nice.


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## Random person (May 5, 2018)

Thank you for sharing your experience. I've always wanted to see a therapist, thinking it would help me feel better, but my family just tells me it's a waste of time.


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## Synaps3 (Jul 12, 2012)

hoodie said:


> Started seeing a therapist recently for anxiety and depression because I have insurance that makes it affordable for the first time. The first few sessions felt cathartic, I felt I could talk about things I had no one to talk about to. After 2 or 3 one hour sessions, I didn't really have anything more to vent about without being repetitive. As for treatment, the therapist is just going out of a workbook that has the same CBT concepts I've already seen in numerous self-help books I've looked into from time to time. It seems extremely tedious and pointless to go through them with a therapist, much easier to digest by yourself reading and re-reading. And as anyone who has ever thumbed through one of those books can attest to, not all the issues or concepts will pertain to your specific anxiety triggers, so it makes it even more tedious to go through things that aren't really applicable to your situation.
> 
> Maybe she's not the right person, but shoot, it feels like I need a life coach more than I need a therapist at this point. Maybe a dating coach, if there is such a thing. Even though I can see her for practically free, I'm thinking of discontinuing our sessions. I already made the next appointment 2 weeks out instead of 1 just so I have time to cancel.


I don't get much value out of therapy myself and I've seen numerous different therapists, so the particular person is not the problem. It is nice to vent in the beginning like you said, but that is pretty much the only value I get out of it. After that, like you said, I just end up repeating myself.

For me my depression is situational and it deals with the current situation. Therapy is for people who have had trauma or problems in the past that they need to get though in order to begin functioning again. This is not the case for me. I need to change my environment and my circumstances. There is only so much talking can do. It can't let you escape a bad situation, it can only let you process things. I certainly don't need to be processing things lol. I do plenty of that on my own. I am very introspective and I know exactly what is wrong, but I just don't know what actions to take. None of the therapists have offered anything in this regard. This is why they don't help me.

When it comes down to it I just need to feel loved. That is my problem. I need to feel that I am appreciated in some way. People always say you have to love yourself first, but that isn't my problem. I wouldn't say I "love" myself, but I do like myself. I am just frustrated that no one can appreciate me.

This is why I feel that the number one most important thing for me is finding a girlfriend. I know it sounds weird. The mainstream narrative would say to not place your value based on what others think of you. I disagree. I may be naive, but I need someone to live for. Someone to connect to. I don't have any deep connections with people and being a human social creature, I need this to be healthy mentally. I just know that if someone would give me the chance, I could ****ing move mountains with them. I know I have a lot of drive buried within myself, but I am unable to let it out because it feels pointless if there is no one to appreciate it.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Group therapy is better (to practice the self-help strategies together) l it's full of babes.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Better (more qualified therapist) needed. If you are just repeating yourself, it isn't therapy any more. Plus therapy isn't meant for you to vent, nor are they supposed to offer advice that help you change your problems, its a two way dialogue that over time alters you.


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## Protozoan (May 26, 2014)

The best thing that helped my anxiety was getting a gym membership and working out a few days a week. Did wonders for my self-esteem, which in turn made me more confident. I still struggle with it every now and then, but it's helped a lot.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Rantanen said:


> i could never do that lol. even people with social anxiety/mental illness are very judging towards others. i am extremly ugly and they will bully me for it or find me disgusting to talk with.


Depends on what you think about yourself. You'll either hold yourself back for no reason other than your negative perspective of yourself. How you see yourself isn't how others see you. How you see yourself becomes how others see you too. You're better off seeing yourself in a different light as it becomes the way others see you too. So? I'm ugly too but I saw myself differently which allowed others to see me that way too.

If you expect to be rejected then you will be since you're rejecting yourself and the possibility, if you expect to be liked you'll be friendly and talk and be talked to. Yeah some felt very judging but they were actually mirroring my own judgement upon myself and them. You're bullying yourself most of all if you think you're ugly, disgusting, and no one will talk to you as you will hold yourself back/avoid interaction and your own self-fulfilling prophecy will come true for you.


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## JungHeart (Apr 11, 2018)

Welcome to the not only ineffectual (in the long term) but dull world of CBT. 

See someone who can break down your issues into fundamental concepts, easy to grasp, so you can work on them your own.

If you want someone to talk to every week, then go to group instead. We process emotions better at group anyway.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

Synaps3 said:


> I don't get much value out of therapy myself and I've seen numerous different therapists, so the particular person is not the problem. It is nice to vent in the beginning like you said, but that is pretty much the only value I get out of it. After that, like you said, I just end up repeating myself.
> 
> For me my depression is situational and it deals with the current situation. Therapy is for people who have had trauma or problems in the past that they need to get though in order to begin functioning again. This is not the case for me. I need to change my environment and my circumstances. There is only so much talking can do. It can't let you escape a bad situation, it can only let you process things. I certainly don't need to be processing things lol. I do plenty of that on my own. I am very introspective and I know exactly what is wrong, but I just don't know what actions to take. None of the therapists have offered anything in this regard. This is why they don't help me.
> 
> ...


You are me. I'm waiting for therapy but already know it won't do anything because of what you have been through.

I need someone who I'm close with. That's what would help me. Be it a friend or a GF. I actually miss friendship the most now, when for years I convinced myself it was a GF.

I've recently had something fail and end with someone, and it's the friendship I miss. I miss having her to do things with and spend time with. I miss activities, eating and laughing with her the most.


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## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

I think it might depend on the therapist and the type of therapy they do.

Some are horrible, some are good.

If you do just talk therapy it probably won't help much.


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