# Any "single, never married" women due to SA ?



## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

I am a 32 year-old virgin male. Never been married because of severe SA and shyness of women. I was wondering if there are other women out there who are "single, never married" virgin's because of SA around males. I am only curious because I have read that it is only the males with SA around women who will end up like that. They say even the most severe case of SA in women will not stop them from marrying because of the social rules where the male has to take the plunge :con I don't believe it for a second but I would like confirmation on it.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Sounds like bs to me. It can be just as tough for women although I'm sure there are male members here who would differ. But the social standard does probably have more pressure on guys. depends on how you look at it


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I'm single, but I'm too young to call myself a spinster.

SA females might marry late, or not at all. It depends on the person. Not even a female will get very far, staying in the house.

SA females have many of the same problems as SA males. In some cases, they have a hard time reading body language, because they are focused on themselves, they're afraid of "goofing up" in social situations. A guy could flirt with her shamelessly, and she wouldn't even know it. Eventually, the guy gives up, because he thinks she's not interested.

In some cases, a woman will reject anyone who asks her out, because she's too anxious/intimidated to go on dates. That's a sure-fire way to stay single.

Another dilemma...SA females usually move slow in relationships. They need to know someone really well, before they can trust them, which frustrates a lot of men who are interested in her.

And lastly, some SA girls are uncomfortable being touched. That makes it a lot harder to lose their virginity.


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## ebolarama (Nov 13, 2006)

-


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It does seem like it would be a little easier in this realm to be a woman with social anxiety. Not that it would be easy. Men are just expected to take the initiative on everything.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm single, never been married. My lack of ambition and pessimism and clingyness probably has more to do with it then my SA though. But I've learned my lesson. If you want a mate, lie lie lie and cheat. Unless I were to actually find one of the 0.0001% who would fit my requirments for a mate and accept me as am, otherwise whoever I end up with I'm gonna lie to please them and cheat behind their back.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

What really got me confused was that the prevalence rate for avoidant personality disorder was the same for men and women yet most people who were referred for professional help were single men. Which would mean most women with the disorder probably marry even if they do have SA/shyness issues. And I couldn't understand how the hell can they marry or date yet be extremely shy. Maybe partly due to the fact that most men would put up with passive, low confidence women, yet women are not so willing to put up with a man like that.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

What I should have put as the title was "Any virginal, never been-on-a-date, woman in her 30's or 40's". I would definetely like to know if there are women like that since I know there are many males like that around, even virgins at 60 or 70 years of age.


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## Failure (Feb 4, 2007)

While not "Easy" it is "Easier" for women with SA since they arn't expected to initiate.

There might be a few girls who are 30 year old virgins but very few.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I'm single & have never been married.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

ebolarama said:


> It's not true that SA is easier for women.


 :ditto
And yeah, I seriously doubt I'll ever be married either. Nobody has ever wanted to marry me, nobody has ever even dated me for over 7 ****ing months, how the hell would anyone ever MARRY me?


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

Most women who are unmarried virgins after age 30 is usually by CHOICE. Most males who are umarried virgins is because of a lack of self-determination (ie, SA/shyness issues). That's what I have read.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

You're only 23. I am 32. Never asked anyone out and also had to turn down offers from women :sigh


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

I'm sorry if I offend anybody older than me, but have to say this. I am sick and goddam tired of hearing the "you're only 23" bull****. I turn 23 next month, and in my situation (zero experience with females...not even holding hands, nevermind sex or a relationship) I feel so much older. 

We live in a society where 16 year-olds feel shame being virgins. As sad as that is, anybody in their early-20s in the "zero experience" category have every right to feel bad about the situation. We're either asexual, gay or just plain weird.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

I was referring to marriage not sexual experience. Being unmarried at age 23 hasn't got the stigma attached to it like after the age of 30. I don't tell people I am a virgin (unlike what I do over the internet) Godforid other people know. When people ask me why aren't I in a relationship. I just say I have been in a few but never seems to work out. Plus I do my research of where brothels are and then say I went down to this brothel and that. It help lower peoples suspicions over my virginity and sexual orientation.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

You sound like another typical love-shy case to me. Not some asexual, gay, or weird person.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

*Re: re: Any "single, never married" women due to S*



Pinzelhead said:


> I was referring to marriage not sexual experience. Being unmarried at age 23 hasn't got the stigma attached to it like after the age of 30.


I don't think it has anything to do specifically with marriage. My desire is for a significant other, but I don't care to ever actually get married. I'm not religious, so there's no point. I know a few couples who have been together for 10-20 years and have raised a nice family without a wedding date.

Just finding that one person to spend the rest of my life with is what I want...and yes, I will say that at 23, it feels just as bad as it will if I turn 30 and still live in this situation.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

The terrible anxiety and worry over the fact of not having a partner will just get worse and when your my age you will see that the best part of your life is gone. I suggest you read the book "Shyness & Love" by Brian G. Gilmartin.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> ebolarama said:
> 
> 
> > It's not true that SA is easier for women.
> ...


This is pretty funny. We're talking about males vs females and a girl whines about no date in 7 months when the starter is 32 without one ever ........ :lol

I've never met someone that got married before 25 so.....


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*Re: re: Any "single, never married" women due to S*



PGVan said:


> I will say that at 23, it feels just as bad as it will if I turn 30 and still live in this situation.


I can guarantee that it'll feel 10x worse at 30. At least at 23, you're not expected to settle down and get married.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Carbon Breather said:


> [quote="Little Miss Scare-All":954ab]
> 
> 
> ebolarama said:
> ...


This is pretty funny. We're talking about males vs females and a girl whines about no date in 7 months when the starter is 32 without one ever ........ :lol

I've never met someone that got married before 25 so.....[/quote:954ab]

:roll I didn't say I hadn't had a date in 7 months, I said nobody has ever stayed with me for more than 7 months. And in Kentucky girls marry young. Like 18 or younger sometimes.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Little Miss Scare-All said:


> [quote="Carbon Breather":18df3][quote="Little Miss Scare-All":18df3]
> 
> 
> ebolarama said:
> ...


This is pretty funny. We're talking about males vs females and a girl whines about no date in 7 months when the starter is 32 without one ever ........ :lol

I've never met someone that got married before 25 so.....[/quote:18df3]

:roll I didn't say I hadn't had a date in 7 months, I said nobody has ever stayed with me for more than 7 months. And in Kentucky girls marry young. Like 18 or younger sometimes.[/quote:18df3]

Ok. I thougth people dated for like a month max and then decided if they are a couple or if they should stop seeing each other.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Carbon Breather said:


> I've never met someone that got married before 25 so.....


These days for some people 25 is actually a bit _over_ the ideal age for women to get married. A co-worker once told me she thought ladies should get married by at least 23. :lol
I've also met a few women in there early to mid 20s who are married. I think it's ridiculous to do it so young but to each their own. :stu


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

Ideal age to be married is 23 for a woman? wtf. We don't live in the 17th century. Our lives aren't half over by the time we are in our 20s anymore. Besides, marriage stems from a religious view and I am not even slightly religious. The only reason that I see to entertain the idea is for the benefits that the state gives a couple who are married but that is a whole other debate.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Carbon Breather said:


> I've never met someone that got married before 25 so.....


That is amazing that you have never met someone who married before 25. PLENTY of people marry before 25.

But I would say the percentage of those marriages ending in divorce are rather high. I think everyone should wait to marry until they are closer to 30 or older.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Slowly, society is starting realize that marriage is BS.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

The people I am referring to who are the ones who have no choice. They want to find a partner and/or marry but cannot because of SA/shyness. When one does not want to marry thats fine. But it is a VERY serious problem when one feels they have no choice in their lifestyle they pursue.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

whiteclouds said:


> In some cases, a woman will reject anyone who asks her out, because she's too anxious/intimidated to go on dates. That's a sure-fire way to stay single.
> 
> Another dilemma...SA females usually move slow in relationships. They need to know someone really well, before they can trust them, which frustrates a lot of men who are interested in her.


Those two describe me pretty well. I know I'm still pretty young, but I've never been on a date. At the rate I'm going, I never will be. Just the idea of going on a date scares me.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

Single, never married, but only because of how men are. I just don't mix well with them for a long period of time so I don't go down that road anymore, at least not with any high expectations.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

*Re: re: Any "single, never married" women due to S*



Pinzelhead said:


> The terrible anxiety and worry over the fact of not having a partner will just get worse and when your my age you will see that the best part of your life is gone. I suggest you read the book "Shyness & Love" by Brian G. Gilmartin.


No offence, but for the record, I have done my research on the subject. I know how old I am and I know how old I feel.



emptybottle said:


> I can guarantee that it'll feel 10x worse at 30. At least at 23, you're not expected to settle down and get married.


I expected that of myself. I see people I went to high school with just 5 years ago getting married and having kids, and I am jealous....flat out jealous. (Well, as I already stated, a wedding means nothing to me, but finding that one person to settle down with for the rest of my life does.)


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## invisiblegirl101 (Mar 18, 2007)

yes i totally agree with you, a lot of people i went to high school with are getting married and are forming families, but not me.


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

Marriage and spending a lifetime with someone is a myth in this day and age. I bought into it in my 20s, and was frantic to find "the one." I have since seen family and friends struggle with their "one and only" anywhere from marriage counseling, alcohol abuse, physical abuse, cheating, and downright boredom with one another. Whats the point? 

With the way the world is, all the choices out there, marriage is kind of endangered. I would rather be alone and happen upon a connection with someone from time to time, as long as that fire burns. When I'm old, thats when I'll want a companion.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

im single and have never been married! im a woman too!

wait a minute...

*feels groin area*

nevermind.


anyways, im sure there are alot of girls in your situation.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

I am and probably remain for a bit. 

I feel my anxiety spiking up, I was doing ok at one point, now I feel incredibly insecure again, last week I was doing homework in the library when this guy walked passed me, looked at me and smiled, I looked back but didnt smile, then he sat across from me at one of the study desks pretending to be doing something, occasionally glancing at me, I felt little sick in the stomach because I was really worried he'd come up and start talking to me. :afr so, I can only assume I didnt have the most reassuring look on my face, after about 20 mins, he gave up and left. It was a relief with an aftertaste of biterness. I need some chill pills.. -_-


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

I'm a 33 year old single old bag who ain't married, and would have stayed a virgin if she didn't have a former boyfriend kind enough to manipulate her into sex. And I got raped by the guy too, so it's not likely I would have remained a virgin with him around, anyway. Ooh, I was so lucky! Wow, how awesome! :roll


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*Re: re: Any "single, never married" women due to S*



Maseur Shado said:


> I'm a 33 year old single old bag who ain't married, and would have stayed a virgin if she didn't have a former boyfriend kind enough to manipulate her into sex. And I got raped by the guy too, so it's not likely I would have remained a virgin with him around, anyway. Ooh, I was so lucky! Wow, how awesome! :roll


You lost your virginity through rape? How awful. That's like my worst fear.


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## AdamCanada (Dec 6, 2003)

*Re: re: Any "single, never married" women due to S*



Maseur Shado said:


> I'm a 33 year old single old bag who ain't married, and would have stayed a virgin if she didn't have a former boyfriend kind enough to manipulate her into sex. And I got raped by the guy too, so it's not likely I would have remained a virgin with him around, anyway. Ooh, I was so lucky! Wow, how awesome! :roll


thats horrible but thats not what people mean when they are talking about having sex and being a virgin.

I get the impression it is easier for girls in the relashonship department. Mabye they have problems in other ways though, like actually getting a decent guy to go after them, and not some lowlife that does bullsh^t like manipulate and rape girls.


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## coverto (Mar 13, 2007)

Wow, this is a really good thread. Since I have been recently active in the dating game in an effort to make up for years of dateless frustration due to SA in my teens and twenties, I'll chime in with my two cents:

It *IS* tougher for guys. 

Please understand that I have been through enough to appreciate the female perspective more than the average guy. I know full well that there are two sides of the coin.

This is hyperbole, but try to grok it: It is a guy's role to "put it all out there" and be the initiator. It's his role to be rejected 90% of the time. To possibly be judged creepy or inadequate or oafish or whatever. Nine times out of ten... at best. 

Don't let anyone tell ya that's easy. Guys, that's simply our fate as males. We will likely never get any traction in the romantic world until we are willing to accept rejection 90% of the time. Of course that is hyperbole, as I said, but the point is very real.

Women get opportunities for affection delivered to their doorstep. I am sure that if any woman here even begins to agree with this metaphor and line of thinking, she will also tell you that only bums and slick salesmen knock on her door, and I could not argue... If I am telling guys that they'll be rejected 90% of the time, the other side of that coin cannot appear terribly rosy, can it?

Guys have to learn how to handle rejection casually, without dwelling on it. The cruel irony is that while men are cursed for being insensitive, the sensitive guys typically hold no attraction for women. That is not to say that every SA guy is a diamond in the rough, but gals, please allow that this at least hints at the complexity of the situation...

=P


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