# What type of guys do you friend zone?



## the one 1 (Jan 23, 2013)

What type of guy do you friend zone.

I try to be as nice as I can and yet no girls like me more than friends.

What am I doing wrong, by the way i'm a teenager. 

Please, any advice will help.


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## Angelbroken (Jun 30, 2011)

Go watch this, its a pretty good video on this whole "friendzone" nonsense


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## Irvine (May 30, 2012)




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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

The whole girls don't like nice guys is BS. How am I to tell a guy likes me if he's equally as respectful and nice to everyone? Is he extra attentive to me, supportive, etc. It's not because he's nice that he gets friend-zoned, but if he's not giving me any sort of 'special treatment,' I will get the impression he doesn't like me, as he doesn't see me any differently from other girls. I'm not one to understand subtly, so ideally I'd prefer a guy who was straight forward in his words and actions that made it obvious that he liked me. At least this way, if he is too shy to ask me out or admit to his feelings, I'd take the initiative to give voice to what is really going on. 

Another reason I would friend-zone a guy is if he plays mind games. At one point, I did have a crush on a friend, but I was hesitant because I wasn't emotionally ready, and it didn't help that he sent me mixed messages. He would compliment me, initiate conversations every day from morning till night, ask me when I'd consider dating again, let me know that he'd date a girl with my personality, etc. Yet he would talk about liking other girls, which according to some guy's I asked, was his way of seeing if I'd get jealous or not. But that backfired because not only will I think you aren't interested in me by talking about other girls, but I will assume you are playing the field and at worst, disrespecting me by bringing up other girls. He did other things to test my reaction, which ultimately pushed me away. 

Every guy I meet, I immediately put him in the friendzone as I cannot like a guy until I get to know him. Hence, the friend-zone is flexible, meaning a guy does have a chance to become something more, UNLESS there are things about him that are deal breakers, then you stay in the friend-zone. I will friend-zone a guy who ISN'T NICE :O OMG, what a shocker! Also, someone who can't open up to me and be honest, because if you're going to lie about small things, I'm going to wonder if you lie about things that really matter. It does affect how closely bonded you feel towards someone, and how much I can trust them. Um, if he's flirty while in a relationship, automatic friend-zoned even if he's suddenly become single.


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## DappleGrey (Jan 28, 2013)

pineapplebun said:


> The whole girls don't like nice guys is BS. How am I to tell a guy likes me if he's equally as respectful and nice to everyone? Is he extra attentive to me, supportive, etc. It's not because he's nice that he gets friend-zoned, but if he's not giving me any sort of 'special treatment,' I will get the impression he doesn't like me, as he doesn't see me any differently from other girls. I'm not one to understand subtly, so ideally I'd prefer a guy who was straight forward in his words and actions that made it obvious that he liked me. At least this way, if he is too shy to ask me out or admit to his feelings, I'd take the initiative to give voice to what is really going on.
> 
> Another reason I would friend-zone a guy is if he plays mind games. At one point, I did have a crush on a friend, but I was hesitant because I wasn't emotionally ready, and it didn't help that he sent me mixed messages. He would compliment me, initiate conversations every day from morning till night, ask me when I'd consider dating again, let me know that he'd date a girl with my personality, etc. Yet he would talk about liking other girls, which according to some guy's I asked, was his way of seeing if I'd get jealous or not. But that backfired because not only will I think you aren't interested in me by talking about other girls, but I will assume you are playing the field and at worst, disrespecting me by bringing up other girls. He did other things to test my reaction, which ultimately pushed me away.
> 
> Every guy I meet, I immediately put him in the friendzone as I cannot like a guy until I get to know him. Hence, the friend-zone is flexible, meaning a guy does have a chance to become something more, UNLESS there are things about him that are deal breakers, then you stay in the friend-zone. I will friend-zone a guy who ISN'T NICE :O OMG, what a shocker! Also, someone who can't open up to me and be honest, because if you're going to lie about small things, I'm going to wonder if you lie about things that really matter. It does affect how closely bonded you feel towards someone, and how much I can trust them. Um, if he's flirty while in a relationship, automatic friend-zoned even if he's suddenly become single.


You just earned my respect. Not that it matters here on the internet. Just thought I'd let you know, I respect and agree with everything you just said,


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

bellejar said:


> I don't think you should stop being nice.
> 
> And definitely don't be a defeatist and think once you're in the friend zone you can't get out. It actually offers a lot of opportunity for you to get close to girls and be their confidant.
> 
> Also, the 'friend zone' isn't just girls being choosy and dismissive. Sometimes they don't get the impression that the guy's interested - it's difficult to tell when he's nice to everyone - and so they think of him as a friend, and not as someone who's going to pursue them.


This is a good point.
Im just guessing at this but could it also be hard to tell if a guy genuinely interested in you because of who you are or if it is just because he has convinced himself of this because he so badly wants to be with someone?


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

bellejar said:


> I don't think you should stop being nice.
> 
> And definitely don't be a defeatist and think once you're in the friend zone you can't get out. It actually offers a lot of opportunity for you to get close to girls and be *their confidant*.
> 
> Also, the 'friend zone' isn't just girls being choosy and dismissive. Sometimes they don't get the impression that the guy's interested - it's difficult to tell when he's nice to everyone - and so they think of him as a friend, and not as someone who's going to pursue them.


I can imagine this kid is aching to hear about how little his "friend" Jenny is giving Ricky the high school Quarterback a "you know what" behind the bleachers in 3rd period, yeah Men like hearing these secrets from the girl of their dreams.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

bellejar said:


> It actually offers a lot of opportunity for you to get close to girls and be their confidant.


Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Speaking from experience, it can be pretty bad if it goes the wrong way. This girl became freakishly dependent on me to be her rock but she made it clear she didn't want to be anything more than friends. I was majorly disappointed but I was too nice to back out and didn't want to look like a jerk. It was just a miserable experience and I don't ever want to go back to that.

To the OP, you should just be a bit more direct to a girl you like instead of only being nice too. Girls like it when guys are nice to them but it's not really much of a signal of interest. Just don't be flirty with a number of girls; it makes you look a little douchey.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Some girls will like you and some won't. Just be a confident you and you will find someone.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Girls friendzone low social status guys, which includes: 

- Having little to no friends
- Being a virgin/inexperienced
- Having nerdy interests
- Acting desperate


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

TPower said:


> Girls friendzone low social status guys, which includes:
> 
> - Having little to no friends
> - Being a virgin/inexperienced
> ...


Stop it. Do guys friendzone low social status girls, or do they call them "gf or wife".

Things arent black and white that determine who will be a friend or a romantic partner. I am not sure why you consistently attach status to every argument about dating and relationships, when personality essentially is why people get together or breakup.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I friend zone guys I'm not interested in dating. Guys I just don't find attractive. I'm being honest.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I "friend-zone" guys who I think are nice and funny, but with whom I don't have much in common with (that includes similar tastes in the arts, sense of humor, ideologies, etc).

Girls won't like you simply because you're nice. It's generally expected that people be nice, so girls aren't going to take an interest in you solely based on that one fact.

Why were you attracted/developed a crush/wanted to go out with the last girl who "friend-zoned" you? Was it because she was pretty? Shy like you? Did you guys have things in common? How do you know you're seen as a friend?


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Paloma M said:


> I friend zone guys I'm not interested in dating. Guys I just don't find attractive. I'm being honest.


Exactly. Are girls obliged to be into to every guy that finds them attractive? Or to every guy's that's nice to them? There's a lot of factors in attraction, all of which we can't control.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Stop worrying so much about being in a friend zone. Stop infatuating yourself with the girl you want to date.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

bellejar said:


> Maybe confidant wasn't the best choice of word. How about it gives you lots of opportunities to get to know her as a person? Because you'll certainly learn things about her character if "Jenny" told you about her doing what you described. And sure, people may censor what they say to a crush compared to their friends, but it's not like their entire friendship will be based on her stories of her adventures behind the bleaches. Unless it is, in which case good for them.


Lol, that's definitely not a good word when it comes down to dudes hanging with women they want to date. Personally I'm from the old school these little backward games of being "friends" while secretly "pining" for one affectations is what kids do. When I was you guys age I used to make my feelings be known outright where she knew where I stood. None of this "private detective/undercover/self torture" stuff. I never hung out with a girl that I liked that way unless we were going on dates.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Paloma M said:


> I friend zone guys I'm not interested in dating. Guys I just don't find attractive. I'm being honest.


This. We can't control who we are and aren't attracted to, it's not like we are rejecting you because we are malicious (and definitely not because we label you a "nice guy"). Just like there are girls you aren't attracted to for whatever reason, there are guys that we aren't attracted to for whatever reason and we shouldn't have to provide a detailed explanation of why.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Generally because I am not physically attracted to them. There was one guy that was attractive but he was semi-bonkers. I just didn't want to deal with all that and I rejected his friendship too eventually. I can deal with neurotic people but not bonkers.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

rdrr said:


> Stop it. Do guys friendzone low social status girls, or do they call them "gf or wife".
> 
> Things arent black and white that determine who will be a friend or a romantic partner. I am not sure why you consistently attach status to every argument about dating and relationships, when personality essentially is why people get together or breakup.


Men/guys don't give two sh!ts about a woman's career, unless she has none (and even then, some are still willing to date couch potatoes).

They don't care about a woman's amount of friends or social position among her peers or group of friends.

Also, I don't understand why a girl would friendzone a guy if he isn't ugly. I mean, if he's your friend, you must have compatible personalities, don't you? If you don't, then why the hell do you keep that guy in your group of so-called "friends"?

If you asked a man if he would date a decent looking girl with whom he has a lot of fun, do you think he would say no?

With women, it isn't as black and white as that. They have to "feel" it. Logic has little importance when they select mates. That's also why is it much harder for men than women to "stay friends".


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Barette said:


> Exactly. Are girls obliged to be into to every guy that finds them attractive? Or to every guy's that's nice to them? There's a lot of factors in attraction, all of which we can't control.


Exactly!!!

Maybe I'm generalising here, but I feel like a lot of guys take it for granted that you'll be interrsted in them purely by the virtue of their being interested in you. I think ot's down to that stupid myth that female attraction is emotional and based on personality, rather than physical and based on multiple factors... I don't think there's any difference really between the way men are attracted to women and vice versa. I feel like some guys think they can "wear you down" into liking them by being nice to you, but being nice doesn't mean anything. Being nice ought to be the default that you offer to everyone, male or female, not something you think will earn you 'points' with a girl you're interested in.

If you've been 'friendzoned' by a girl, chances are you're just not her type or something.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

TPower said:


> Men/guys don't give two sh!ts about a woman's career, unless she has none (and even then, some are still willing to date couch potatoes).
> 
> They don't care about a woman's amount of friends or social position among her peers or group of friends.
> 
> ...


Men don't care about women's career or social circle? That's actually really depressing. I'd hope that somebody who saw me as an equal would have equal expectations for me as they have for themselves.

Also, there's a looot of difference between objectively judging someone as 'not ugly' and actually being attracted to and having chemistry with them.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think women are more logical about romance than men. It's very logical to consider the career your partner has. You can't live on love and good looks.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> Maybe I'm generalising here, but I feel like a lot of guys take it for granted that you'll be interrsted in them purely by the virtue of their being interested in you.
> ...
> Being nice ought to be the default that you offer to everyone, male or female, not something you think will earn you 'points' with a girl you're interested in.


I think it's just how people think in general. I think if you're interested in someone, you (almost) obviously want them to want you as well and so you try too psyche yourself up and believe they like you. If you thought they didn't like you, you'd be in despair.
And of course that person is going to be disappointed if you then don't like them back. It has nothing to do with gender though.

And yes, being nice ought to be the default, but from personal experience I can tell that it really isn't.
Most people treat others with indifference and some even with hostility, so why kindness isn't more appreciated is beyond me.
If somebody shows me kindness and care that definitely goes a long way in making me like them.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Call me mean but I friendzone every guy.


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## iam2452 (Oct 12, 2012)

Girls will friend zone any guy that they are not attracted to(physically) and that are not their type (personality wise). Usually its a combination of both of those things for me, but there is the exception of a not so attractive/average looking guy becoming very attractive b/c of his personality


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I friend zone everyone because I'm not looking for a date or relationship.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

you make a lot of relationship threads.

they friend-zone guys who are too hesitant. or they just don't like them.


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## tranquildream (Nov 17, 2010)

Someone I'm not attracted to physically, or someone who I don't feel a connection(like our personalities don't click, forced conversation)


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Guys I'm not physically attracted to or guys I feel I have no spark with.


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

Irvine said:


>


"You can sit in the trunk" :lol


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## alisonsmith (Jan 30, 2013)

I love nice guys. but i don't usually intend to friendzone some. It really depends on how they act on my treatment to them. Dont worry, you'll find one.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

There is no 'friendzone', she doesnt like you in that way or she has a bf. A girl will never leave the bf for you btw so dont go after girls with bfs.


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## BlackWinterBeauty (Dec 21, 2012)

I "friend zone" everybody because I'm terrified of getting close to someone :tiptoe


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

If there isn't any chemistry, there isn't any chemistry.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

```

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komorikun said:


> I think women are more logical about romance than men. It's very logical to consider the career your partner has. You can't live on love and good looks.












:um ?

@Some of the guys in here
I know it's much harder to get into relationships for us guys but don't let this friend zone stuff get to you. Work on yourself, get some confidence and once you get into the whole dating thing you too will turn people down from time to time - it aint anything personal. If you do get 'friend-zoned' though have some self respect and leave said person - I don't really get it, but some chicks are just cruel I guess and love having the ego stroked by having guys around that fawn over them. I've yet to see a guy emotionally manipulate a girl like this, we're a lot more cut and dry about the whole thing.


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## Blackwood (Jan 29, 2013)

TPower said:


> Girls friendzone low social status guys, which includes:
> 
> - Having little to no friends
> - Being a virgin/inexperienced
> ...


I don't think that is the cause (for most people). I have "friend-zoned" 3 people and have been "friend-zoned". The reality of it, the feeling sucks. Yes, it could be from one of those 4 things, but most likely a different reason. And if they are "friend-zoning" for a few of those reasons, they girl is just shallow, and not worth being with.

Non of the reasons above are the reason I "friend-zoned" the 3 people that I did. :lol


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## Irvine (May 30, 2012)

People usually friend zone someone that doesn't appear like potential partner/mate.


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## Osric (Jan 31, 2013)

the one 1 said:


> What type of guy do you friend zone.
> 
> I try to be as nice as I can and yet no girls like me more than friends.
> 
> ...


You are most likely not touching the girls you meet from the start--that is key. If you don't start physical contact early, basically within the first twenty minutes of meeting a woman, she starts to classify you as someone that doesn't touch (a non-sexual person).

Once this frame is set, it's hard to reverse it.

There are lots of ways to initiate physical contact in a way that is not overtly sexual, but is still flirtatious.

There could be other issues, like a general lack of assertiveness (which is of course tied to the not-touching problem).


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Not gonna lie, I indiscriminately friendzone every single guy I meet, and tbh I don't even care if I hurt his feelings by not reciprocating and giving him what a guy is entitled to when he has a crush on a girl.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Women friendzone guys that are not attractive.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

nothing to fear said:


> Not gonna lie, I indiscriminately friendzone every single guy I meet, and tbh I don't even care if I hurt his feelings by not reciprocating and giving him what a guy is entitled to when he has a crush on a girl.


Ouch


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> Not gonna lie, I indiscriminately friendzone every single guy I meet, and tbh I don't even care if I hurt his feelings by not reciprocating and giving him what a guy is entitled to when he has a crush on a girl.


People aren't entitled to anything, especially if you are alluding that a crush is a golden ticket to a relationship. Everyone has a choice to accept or deny interested parties. How are people supposed to get together, though?

If it isn't because someone has a crush, or shows interest in some subtle way, is it expected for both parties to feel the same amount of attraction as friends as time goes on and just fall into the confines of a romantic relationship? The stories are ad nauseum about one-sided feelings in platonic relationships.

What would be the point of seeking romantic relationships if everyone is friendzoning each other, for various reasons?


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i want to be friendzoned by all the girls i like haha, dont see why is that a bad thing


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

monotonous said:


> i want to be friendzoned by all the girls i like haha, dont see why is that a bad thing


Because you are never anything more than a friend?


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

nothing to fear said:


> Not gonna lie, I indiscriminately friendzone every single guy I meet, and tbh I don't even care if I hurt his feelings by not reciprocating and giving him *what a guy is entitled to when he has a crush on a girl*.


wot... :sus

Liking somebody doesn't make anybody entitled to anything. Sounds a little rapey, juss sayin'


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm entitled to love.

It's sad that you feel guys can't feel love. Perhaps you have something to fear?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

If we feel we are entitled to things, how will we have the drive to put in the work to get things we want? No one is entitled to love. You have to show someone you are deserving of love. We can only hope someone is willing to accept.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm entitled to feel loved.

Maybe I phrased that wrong. I am entitled to have at least one person in my life who I would consider a friend, a significant other, or a parent.

And I have a lot of love in my life. The only thing I am missing is a significant other. But since sex is at the bottom of Maslow's Pyramid, and so is love and relationships, perhaps there is more out of necessity than entitlement for that.


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## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

I get creeper zoned....


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sourdog said:


> I get creeper zoned....


Yeah, I think most girls think I am a creeper.


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## Marooned86 (Nov 30, 2012)

I think I get "friend zoned" because I'm too shy around new people and am not really interested in someone until I get to know them. I think by the time i'm actually comfortable with a woman she's already pinned me as a friend.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

nothing to fear said:


> Not gonna lie, I indiscriminately friendzone every single guy I meet, and *tbh I don't even care if I hurt his feelings by not reciprocating *and giving him what a guy is entitled to when he has a crush on a girl.


Lol, the most honest answer a woman could ever give, it's "all" about them and their "terms".


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> There is no 'friendzone', she doesnt like you in that way or she has a bf. *A girl will never leave the bf for you btw so dont go after girls with bfs.*


ahahaha, actually ive seen that happen before... twice.... by the same girl to her bfs... but shes kinda mean so i thought the guys that went after her were stupid to even think about it


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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

I won't pursue a romantic relationship with a person I have not had a platonic relationship with first, so everyone, technically.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> I'm entitled to love.
> 
> It's sad that you feel guys can't feel love. Perhaps you have something to fear?


Anyone who thinks guys are incapable of love couldn't be further from the truth.


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

I don't know why it's called friend zoning. In order for a relationship to develop with someone I thought you had to become friends first? If I were a girl I'd "friendzone" EVERY guy I met.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

WintersTale said:


> Because you are never anything more than a friend?


better than now she doesn't even know i exist even we go to the same class, i'd rather be able to say hi and have a friendly chat every time i see her


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## Miss Apprehensive (Jul 17, 2009)

I friend zone guys when they don't act interested at all and then tell me out of the blue that they've liked me for a long time(tbh this only happened once but even that was too often because I lost a friend because it).


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## Marooned86 (Nov 30, 2012)

Miss Apprehensive said:


> I friend zone guys when they don't act interested at all and then tell me out of the blue that they've liked me for a long time(tbh this only happened once but even that was too often because I lost a friend because it).


Question.

Short of a guy coming out and saying he's interested, what are some things a guys does to or for you that shows he's interested in you?


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Why is there an assumption that you are owed a relationship or sex from every girl you meet? Yes it sucks when you like someone and they don't like you back. But this whole "friendzone" concept is annoying. Some people will like you, others won't. That's life. If you go into every interaction with girls as a roadway to possible sex, yes you will be disappointed. Sometimes people just want to be friends. How can that be any simpler?


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## katiebird (Sep 25, 2011)

Personally what I always do is when someone expresses their interest, I do like to keep them in the friendszone for a couple months at least. That way I can see weather they're only interested in me because of one reason or if they respect me enough to still be my friend, it also gives me time to realize if wed even be compatible or not... and this has worked both ways for me where they slowly loose contact with me, or where we do get together, or I'm just honest and say I'm not interested.... I have been friend zoned before too and I I had to make the decision to stick around or stop seeing them and I continued being friends and I'm really happy I did because I eventually realized we weren't as compatible as I thought and found someone else but still had the friendship... I do think there are times where someone who is friend zoned should leave though like if they're being used for favours like sex, car rides, money etc and continue to lead you on because they are not even being your friend there just taking advantage because they know you like them.... overall I think it depends on your situation, and how you value the relationship, give it time because things can change just as long as your not expecting anything out of it, and ultimately decide what makes you happier.. I understand that some people have bad experiences, but don't pull the "nice guy" excuse, or hate the person who doesn't like you back it just seems childish


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## lzzy (Nov 28, 2012)

Every single one of them!


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

*The truth about the friendzone*



diamondheart89 said:


> Why is there an assumption that you are owed a relationship or sex from every girl you meet?


Why is there an assumption that you are owed a friendship from every guy you meet?

It's a horrible truth that no one wants to talk about, but this is the real reason many guys complain about the friendzone... they don't want to be your friend.

And it has nothing to do with sex, although I'm sure it would make you feel better about yourself to assume that... ie the typical rant of "he is such a pig that's why he doesn't want to be my friend." Sorry that's actually NOT true.

Millions of men do not want friends with women because... most women don't make good "guy friends." This is not a dig against women, it's not your fault you don't make good guy friends... your not guys.

Guys do not hang out together the way women do. Women base friendship on talking and sharing feelings, guys base it on activities. Guys play sports together, they go camping, fishing, watch games... etc etc... they DO THINGS together and the friendship builds from that... yeah yeah yeah... down the line we might sit around talking about our feelings, but generally that's a side thing. We're going to talk about sport stats a lot more than we will our own emotions. That's a guy friend.

Now when I hear of people complaining of the friendzone (no matter what side of the zone they stand) the friendship they speak of is a GIRL based friendship. IE they are "friends" because they talk a lot.

Ladies, if you are friends with a guy and every time you see him all he wants to do with you is play football, how long would you really be friends? Unless you are REALLY into football, not long at all. The ONLY reason you MIGHT hang in there is if you are attracted to him. And the second you realize you have no shot with him, doing "guy stuff" with him isn't even as much fun as you thought it was before.

This is the life of the guy who likes a girl who is told "let's just be friends."

And it is not really your (girl) or his (guy) fault. You share the blame. The guy just does what the girl wants (ie talking) does he ever say "hey buddy lets go to the monster truck rally" no, he doesn't even give you the chance to be a guy friend. But you (the girl) rarely say "Hey buddy we are doing a lot of girl stuff, isn't there some guy thing you want to do." You are happy living ignorantly in the world that this every guy wants to sit around talking about your feelings.

The thing is in friendzone situations 99/100 they are not friends to start they just SAY they are friends. This isn't to say men and women can't be friends... they can, they can be great friends, but there will need to be a balance.

I know tl/dr... MEN AND FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS NEED TO DO THINGS THEY BOTH ENJOY!


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

hmnut said:


> Why is there an assumption that you are owed a friendship from every guy you meet?
> 
> It's a horrible truth that no one wants to talk about, but this is the real reason many guys complain about the friendzone... they don't want to be your friend.
> 
> ...


I don't assume every random guy wants to be my friend. If however, he is approaching me and being friendly and striking up conversation repeatedly, I'm going to assume he wants to be a friend, and I'm not going to suddenly want to sleep with him. Since this thread is about guys who approach women and then complain about being "friend zoned" I don't see why the assumption should go towards "oh this guy is being friendly, i should sleep with him". Am I saying that it won't happen? No. It does and can and will happen that eventually it will develop into more. My boyfriend and I were friends before anything else happened and it was great. The fact that he wasn't trying to get in my pants from the get go was exactly why I liked him as a person so much. Eventually I ended up asking him to be with me. But that shouldn't be your only goal in interacting with the opposite sex. People can see through that in a minute.

Also for the record I have had a number of close guy friends. Did we have the exact same interests? No. But we still managed to have great conversations, good times spent together, and fun. I don't expect them to paint my nails, I expect them to be who they are and talk about what they wanna talk about.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

rymo said:


> Call me mean but I friendzone every guy.


It's funny though, every guy I freindzone doesn't care. It must mean I'm ugly!


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

guys im not attracted to; looks/personality 
guys that aren't attracted to me


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## shrimps (Feb 19, 2013)

Well for me, if i friendzone a guy, it is mainly because of a combination of things. It is because he is not attractive enough in my opinion, AND because he follows me around everywhere too much like a lost puppy which i hate! or he is not a christian.. but that is just me. I am going to be honest and not sugar coat things. Attraction is important. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

diamondheart89 said:


> I don't assume every random guy wants to be my friend. If however, he is approaching me and being friendly and striking up conversation repeatedly, I'm going to assume he wants to be a friend.


 And that's your assumption, and it may be wrong.

Or it may be right, at first, but then he changes his mind. The point is just like you have the right to say you want to date a guy or don't. He has the same right to say he doesn't want to be your friend.


diamondheart89 said:


> I don't see why the assumption should go towards "oh this guy is being friendly, i should sleep with him".


 The reason you don't see it, is because that is NOT the assumption, and you keep saying this, which btw is really insulting to all men, but it is really not true. The assumption (justified or not) is "if I am nice/friendly to this girl maybe we can have a romantic relationship." (between the two of us, only you seem to means that just means sex).

The guy who just wants sex from a girl isn't the same guy who ends up in the friendzone, he is certainly not the one complaining about it. That guy (the sex guy) is moving on to the next girl ... and rather fast, you probably won't have time to put him in the friendzone.

The guy who hangs around long enough to not only be put in the friendzone, but also complain about it, he fantasied about a lot more than "sex." He fantasied about a life. He thought of what he would do on your first date, how he would propose, about your wedding, about your kids, about your grandkids. All the while he was romanticizing your friendship while it was happening. Every time you called he choose to believe that was one step closer to a "happily ever after" fairy tale ending... and then you said "just friends" and you killed the dream.

Now with the dream dead, facing nothing but reality, he had to make a choice. Does he really want to be your friend? The answer is often "no" (and I explained why).


diamondheart89 said:


> Also for the record I have had a number of close guy friends.


 No kidding! These are the guys who said yes to friendship. I never said all guys would say no to friendship with females. MANY DO! (I am one of them) But as you stated this is a topic about men complaining about the Friendzone. They would not be complaining if they liked the idea of being "just friends," with you.

My point is the ones who complain about the friendzone, don't want to be your friend, just like you don't want to date them.

And while it may make you feel better to assume they are just pigs who want to get in your pants, I doubt very seriously this is even remotely true. You want to think that to make yourself feel better, but the truth is likely they were too blinded by their feelings of attraction to realize that without their happy fantasy of romance, they didn't want to spend time with you. They didn't want to be your friend.

Your pride is compelling you to assume that means they just wanted sex. Your mind wants so desperately to cling to the illusion that if he was a good person he would want to be your friend, so if doesn't want your friendship he must have just been using you. Just like his mind clings equally to the idea that if you reject him for romance it means you must have just been using him for the attention.

TL;DR: NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND, AND THEY OFTEN DON'T KNOW IT UNTIL THEY REALIZE FRIENDSHIP IS ALL YOU CAN OFFER.

That's not your fault, but it doesn't make them a bad person, just stupid.

Also, I say "you" but I don't mean literally mean YOU diamondheart89, I mean the super vast majority of women (and some men) who are accused of putting people in the friendzone. Just like guys who complain about the friendzone make the exact same mistakes, the ones who are accused of putting guys there make the same mistakes too.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

hmnut said:


> And that's your assumption, and it may be wrong.
> 
> Or it may be right, at first, but then he changes his mind. The point is just like you have the right to say you want to date a guy or don't. He has the same right to say he doesn't want to be your friend.
> The reason you don't see it, is because that is NOT the assumption, and you keep saying this, which btw is really insulting to all men, but it is really not true. The assumption (justified or not) is "if I am nice/friendly to this girl maybe we can have a romantic relationship." (between the two of us, only you seem to means that just means sex).
> ...


Then they should stop hanging around. Most of the people who complain about being friendzoned STAY THERE AND CLING TO YOU HOPING FOR MORE. If you don't want to be friends with someone and they don't want to date you, move on! Sorry I didn't read the wall of text.


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

I think unless you make it clear that you are "interested", you _can't_ complain about being "friend zoned".


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

diamondheart89 said:


> Then they should stop hanging around. Most of the people who complain about being friendzoned STAY THERE AND CLING TO YOU HOPING FOR MORE. If you don't want to be friends with someone and they don't want to date you, move on! Sorry I didn't read the wall of text.


 Yes I can tell you didn't read either of my post (if you are not going to read them maybe you shouldn't quote them). If you read my second (or frankly my first) post, you would have realized you just repeated what I said.


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## TheIdealist (Feb 10, 2013)

All guys that are not in my league will be disqualified.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> I think unless you make it clear that you are "interested", you _can't_ complain about being "friend zoned".


 You can complain about anything you want. But that doesn't mean anyone owes you anything.

I am strongly against the idea that guy can't be upset because a girl he likes rejected him. Unless he is a robot, every guy would be upset (and hell some robots too). But the breakdown of the guy complaining about the friendzone isn't that he is upset, it is that he doesn't learn from his mistake.


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## lovecookies (Aug 11, 2011)

All the guys in past 2 years. I feel like im looking for someone perfect, im being a b**ch, and far from perfect as well. :/


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## Marooned86 (Nov 30, 2012)

lovecookies said:


> All the guys in past 2 years. I feel like im looking for someone perfect, im being a b**ch, and far from perfect as well. :/


I guess it's good to be extra choosey where you're from a lot of shady stuff happens in eastern europe.


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## Paperwalls (Feb 26, 2013)

I hate the term "friend zone" and I find it incredibly problematic. That said, if a guy is attracted to me, I tell them flat out I am not interested because simply put, I'm not over my relationships anxieties yet. I'm honest, no run-around crap. 

Also - it's completely untrue that women "friend zone" men with no or little friends. I know various people (men/women alike) who have a TON of trouble making friends and have very few, but no trouble getting romantic relationships. It's simply the opposite of the type of anxiety I deal with. I find it fascinating myself.


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