# Male Therapist or Female Therapist?



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

I need a little help. 

Should I have a male therapist or a female therapist? And does it make a difference? What are your experiences?


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I have better luck with males because I have a bad history (in real life) with females and so in general female therapists "push my buttons" more easily. They always appear much more controlling than the men like they are trying to be a bossy mother to me. And the couple females I've seen aren't consistent in their personality or view of me, which I found disturbing. It almost seems like the women will tell me what they think I want to hear (which I hate) and then do a 180 later. I don't understand females anyway (I didn't have a mother for most of my life) And I just feel more understood by men. 

But that's just me.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

female therapists, I don't want to hear a guy's deep voice for 1 hour or have to look at his face for that long, plus I wouldn't want to talk about my personal problems to a male, he might get aroused by it


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Pam said:


> I have better luck with males because I have a bad history (in real life) with females and so in general female therapists "push my buttons" more easily. They always appear much more controlling than the men like they are trying to be a bossy mother to me. And the couple females I've seen aren't consistent in their personality or view of me, which I found disturbing. It almost seems like the women will tell me what they think I want to hear (which I hate) and then do a 180 later. I don't understand females anyway (I didn't have a mother for most of my life) And I just feel more understood by men.
> 
> But that's just me.


Interesting. I've always thought I'd be more comfortable with a female therapist and never thought I should try getting a male perspective. That's definitely something to consider. Thank you for replying!


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

Pam said:


> I have better luck with males because I have a bad history (in real life) with females and so in general female therapists "push my buttons" more easily. They always appear much more controlling than the men like they are trying to be a bossy mother to me. And the couple females I've seen aren't consistent in their personality or view of me, which I found disturbing. It almost seems like the women will tell me what they think I want to hear (which I hate) and then do a 180 later. I don't understand females anyway (I didn't have a mother for most of my life) And I just feel more understood by men.
> 
> But that's just me.


im exactly the same way. male therapists have been much better for me.


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## KYJE (Aug 11, 2012)

I preferred a female, when I did see a therapist. Maybe it's because of my upbringing and the way I've been treated by men throughout my life, but I found her to be much more accepting, understanding, encouraging and supportive. I felt a lot more relaxed and comforted, almost as though she was a motherly figure.


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## Penny (Mar 2, 2012)

There is no simple answer. Some people are much more comfortable with a person of the same gender - others prefer someone different. And remember- not all women (or all men) are alike. And sometimes, seekers want a therapist who is challenging and makes them feel a little uncomfortable, while others want someone totally accepting and supportive. 

Most importantly- you must feel you can work with the person you choose. Hard as it is- be willing to try more than one person out. Or see if there are other ways to experience what it is like to be with a person before you make a commitment. Some therapists offer get acquainted sessions, others appear at community events, give workshops, speak at meetings, or have other opportunities to see them in action. 

You are making a big investment of energy, time, and money when you enter therapy. If the therapist isn't right for you, find someone else. This is especially hard for people with social anxiety- but essential. Therapy itself can be difficult and uncomfortable, doing it with someone you do not feel safe with is nearly impossible. To stay with someone you can't work with is abusive toward yourself.

Ask people you trust about who they know, see if what they have to say about them resonates for you. But remember the perfect therapist for them may not be a fit for you.

If you don't have the luxury of being able to select - like in a community clinic that assigns based on openings, expect that it will take 4 - 6 sessions before you know whether it will work for you or not. if the answer is no, ask to be reassigned.

Take care


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Penny said:


> If you don't have the luxury of being able to select - like in a community clinic that assigns based on openings, expect that it will take 4 - 6 sessions before you know whether it will work for you or not. if the answer is no, ask to be reassigned.
> 
> Take care


Thank you, you are right on here. My community clinic only has a male available and I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable, but it's my only option.

I did see a male therapist who specialized in anxiety a few years ago and he was really good at digging into those root issues and I would recall things from my past that I needed to remember for healing. But it came to a point that I didn't feel comfortable talking about my personal issues with a male. So I went to see different females after that but haven't found the breakthrough that I need...

But you're right, there is no harm in trying a few sessions with this male therapist.

Thanks again.


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## Katelyn1236 (Jul 10, 2012)

I have always had a female. I have a hard time talking, let alone trusting, a strange man.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

ive only had two therapist one; one female and one male. i personally found that i made alot more progress with the female therapist a but that was probably just because she was a better therapist


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

illmatic1 said:


> ive only had two therapist one; one female and one male. i personally found that i made alot more progress with the female therapist a but that was probably just because she was a better therapist


Thanks! All these replies have been really helpful. And maybe I should stick with the better therapist, whether male or female.


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