# Is our friendship ending?



## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

I have a friend that is 10 years younger than me and we have been playing mostly video games for the past year.I basically consider him like a best friend. That is the only way we spend time together.I have basically told him about 90% of my secrets. Today when I told him about a discounted sale on the main game we play and how he missed on it, he said the following trough KIK.
"Honestly idc I'm not gonna play that much anymore"
I replied
"Because of your Gf"
and he replied
No. Because I'm slowly starting to move away from video games"
I asked
"Is it because of me? What I told you last Monday?" (I told him I was bisexual)
He replied
"No...Bc I need to start focusing on school more"

To me, this seems and feels like he is ending the friendship since the only way we actually talk to each other is when we are playing video games. Right now I am pissed at him.

Do you think I should say anything back to him or what? To me, this was the last thing that I expected.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

He's growing . And we'll yes you are probably going to grow apart . 
It happens , enevitably and eventually .


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Grog said:


> He's growing . And we'll yes you are probably going to grow apart .
> It happens , enevitably and eventually .


It is what I am afraid of.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

It happens dude . 
Maybe it's a opportunity to go along with him and try some new things .


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Jermster91 said:


> It is what I am afraid of.


No offense, but the timing of you telling him you were bi, if it was that recently I am sure was the reason. It isn't fair, but gay guys are simply not accepted in society. For all we know your FRIEND might have some bi tendencies, but as soon as it is out in the open like that, it is a whole different ballgame.

As a guy it is almost like you can't admit that to any friend really. This society frowns upon that.

So I don't think you did anything wrong by telling him, but the timing of you telling him this recently, just too much of a coincidence


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> No offense, but the timing of you telling him you were bi, if it was that recently I am sure was the reason. It isn't fair, but gay guys are simply not accepted in society. For all we know your FRIEND might have some bi tendencies, but as soon as it is out in the open like that, it is a whole different ballgame.
> 
> As a guy it is almost like you can't admit that to any friend really. This society frowns upon that.
> 
> So I don't think you did anything wrong by telling him, but the timing of you telling him this recently, just too much of a coincidence


I had talked to him before and he told me that he supports gays.I know when the supreme court legalized gay marriage, he was happy that it happened. I also know that his uncle is gay with HIV. I asked him if he was alright me coming out to him and he said he was fine with it. We were gonna talk about it this weekend but he never got on and then all of this happened.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Jermster91 said:


> I had talked to him before and he told me that he supports gays.I know when the supreme court legalized gay marriage, he was happy that it happened. I also know that his uncle is gay with HIV. I asked him if he was alright me coming out to him and he said he was fine with it. We were gonna talk about it this weekend but he never got on and then all of this happened.


My best guess would be, that even though he supports gay marriage and is accepting, for you to spell out to him in plain English that you are bi, probably set off an alarm in his head like, "maybe you were friends with him only so you could be with him or had that other agenda."

If you told him on Monday, and there is no other reason you can think of, I would say it has to be that.

You also if you asked him and he said "I'm fine with it" try to remember if he sounded sincere.

I could be wrong but this is my best guess. It isn't fair but I think he deep down probably thought you had this other agenda and liked him.

You could also wait a week and then re-evaluate the whole situation, I could be wrong


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

hmm well if he's ten years younger than you that means he's around 14. Maybe he has just found other interests and is hanging out with people closer to his age group?


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> My best guess would be, that even though he supports gay marriage and is accepting, for you to spell out to him in plain English that you are bi, probably set off an alarm in his head like, "maybe you were friends with him only so you could be with him or had that other agenda."
> 
> If you told him on Monday, and there is no other reason you can think of, I would say it has to be that.
> 
> ...


On Monday night when I came out to him, I did not plan on coming out to him but the conversation we had on kik led into it. I thought I might as tell him now. A woman that has sort of been the person I have confided into, not a therapist or anything like that but a person that I had been messaging back and forth for nearly two months on a porn forum because I needed a woman's perspective, thought that I might have a crush on him. But when I see a picture on Instagram of him, I don't have any feelings toward him at all. He is a pretty good looking guy but I do not have a romantic attraction to him.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Jermster91 said:


> On Monday night when I came out to him, I did not plan on coming out to him but the conversation we had on kik led into it. I thought I might as tell him now. A woman that has sort of been the person I have confided into, not a therapist or anything like that but a person that I had been messaging back and forth for nearly two months on a porn forum because I needed a woman's perspective, thought that I might have a crush on him. But when I see a picture on Instagram of him, I don't have any feelings toward him at all. He is a pretty good looking guy but I do not have a romantic attraction to him.


I would E-mail him maybe in 3 or 4 days or even a week. You can also say, "No offense but you aren't my type hehe" which will take the heat off you in a way.

The thing is, with sexuality, I read up on women with male roommates and how that always leads to fooling around or VERY OFTEN does. So I basically decided even though I have no options now, I would not date a chick with a male roommate. Something fishy is ALWAYS going on, if not sex than sexual tension or flirting.

My point is, even if you are not attracted to him, there is something to be said for, you throw a few people together in a room or a house, something could go down.

I have some weird gay fantasies but as far as acting on them, I get pretty freaked out. The last girl I was seeing also said she thinks girls are beautiful and actually agreed to a threesome and then backed out. But my point is even if he isn't your type, he could logically think... "If he is into guys, who knows 3 months or 6 months from now if we are gaming alone in my apartment....what thoughts could be crossing his brain"


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## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

You are really getting ahead of yourself assuming that he has a problem with your sexuality.

He told you that he just wasn't all that interested in games anymore, so maybe, he isn't all that interested in games anymore.


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> I would E-mail him maybe in 3 or 4 days or even a week. You can also say, "No offense but you aren't my type hehe" which will take the heat off you in a way.
> 
> The thing is, with sexuality, I read up on women with male roommates and how that always leads to fooling around or VERY OFTEN does. So I basically decided even though I have no options now, I would not date a chick with a male roommate. Something fishy is ALWAYS going on, if not sex than sexual tension or flirting.
> 
> ...


I don't know if I mentioned it or not but he lives in California and I live in Texas, a distance of 1,480 Miles. Plus he is 10 years younger than me, so it would be _VERY_ awkward if I ever did meet him in real life.


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> You consider a 14 year old boy your best friend or is there a typo in there somewhere? Also, you and the other poster and seriously jumping the gun on the bi thing being the issue. Not saying it can't be, but there's not much to immediately assume that.


No it is not a typo. For someone that does not have any friends in real life, he is the closest thing that I have to a best friend. I am not sure if he considers me a friend or a best friend but I consider him a best friend.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Jermster91 said:


> I don't know if I mentioned it or not but he lives in California and I live in Texas, a distance of 1,480 Miles. Plus he is 10 years younger than me, so it would be _VERY_ awkward if I ever did meet him in real life.


If he lives that far away, then I doubt it would be an issue. If you are playing with him on a headset, is that how you communicate? If you are not e-mailing talking on the phone or texting I guess in a way no offense but it is not a "close relationship"

I have not had a friend in many years so I am not judging but apparently, a true friend you actually need to meet pretty regularly to qualify.

But either way, I would wait a week and then contact him and it all could be worked out and might have been a misunderstanding

At the same time, I would be VERY careful who you tell about your sexuality, for your own well-being. People are VERY judgmental

I almost came out as bi and decided I was bi-curious. As a gay guy, even insinuating you are bi or whatever can DRASTICALLY change people's perception of you, such as a workplace or with friends or whatever


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> If he lives that far away, then I doubt it would be an issue. If you are playing with him on a headset, is that how you communicate? If you are not e-mailing talking on the phone or texting I guess in a way no offense but it is not a "close relationship"
> 
> I have not had a friend in many years so I am not judging but apparently, a true friend you actually need to meet pretty regularly to qualify.
> 
> ...


Yes, the main way that we talk to each other when we are playing video games is through a headset. Although when he is not on, I may message him through KIK since I do not know any personal information about him. He also follows me on Instagram and I follow him as well.

For me coming out, I am careful in general of who I give information to. I think I always have been like that in when I used to go to a psychologist, I would tell him what I thought he wanted to hear because I like to keep my card close to me chest and only reveal them when I want to.


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> It's your life, but I think that's inappropriate. Not terribly so since you're just playing games with him. But in actuality you're probably putting a lot more weight in this "friendship" than you should be. Then you're trying to rationalize the mindset of someone who pretty much just got over puberty likely. He's a kid. They change their minds about things often. They get bored easily.


What part is inappropriate?


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> Considering friendship with a 14 year old boy when you're a 24 year old man.


It is not like I went around asking "Are there any little boys here between 12 to 14 that wants to be my friend". The way that I met his was I asked to a group of 12 or so players if they wanted to squad up with me since playing by your self is boring, which is why masturbation gets old fast. Anyway he said he wanted to squad up and a year and 4 months later, here we are.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> It's your life, but I think that's inappropriate. Not terribly so since you're just playing games with him. But in actuality you're probably putting a lot more weight in this "friendship" than you should be. Then you're trying to rationalize the mindset of someone who pretty much just got over puberty likely. He's a kid. They change their minds about things often. They get bored easily.


I don't think it is inappropriate, only because they will never meet and are only online friends. If he had the intention of meeting the kid eventually, that crosses over into inappropriate, or at least odd or weird.

When I was a teenager I had a few friends younger and much older, and I was just lonely. I think if you are isolated, I can understand reaching out to people and talking to people way younger or older and even people who can be horrible or boring.

If I had the choice to chat to a 14 year old boy through a headset who I liked talking to, if I knew we would never meet, and just bulls*** about funny topics, I don't see anything wrong with it.

One small asterix is, with a kid like that, you legally may not be able to talk about sex acts with chicks. You can allude to "I got laid last night" type talk, but anything more explicit, I dunno. The government can track every one of us, our phones, computers, how the hell would they not be able to access XBox live headsets


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Jermster91 said:


> Yes, the main way that we talk to each other when we are playing video games is through a headset. Although when he is not on, I may message him through KIK since I do not know any personal information about him. He also follows me on Instagram and I follow him as well.
> 
> For me coming out, I am careful in general of who I give information to. I think I always have been like that in when I used to go to a psychologist, I would tell him what I thought he wanted to hear because I like to keep my card close to me chest and only reveal them when I want to.


I don't know KIK, but I assume it is some online messaging service.

As far as coming out, I was on the verge of coming out a few years ago, and then somewhere deep in me, I was grossed out with the idea of guys. I think if I were truly bisexual, I would think of sex with guys as 100% natural and be at peace with the idea.

So I don't know how far you have gone with a guy, but I think you might also just be confused, or it is a phase. Especially you being 24, you can't really say cut and dry all the time what you are. People change and evolve so much that it is hard to label yourself as one thing or another

So if you come out as bi, you can't really take that back, in a way, especially to relatives, once you come out.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

He may just not be into gaming anymore. That definitely happens a lot. And if he has a girlfriend now then it's even easier to understand.

Friendship can be magic but it doesn't always sail forever. I guess we should appreciate that we got to have a friend for a while. To be a part of their life and us a part of theirs.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

From a 14yr old, I think you probably shouldn't put too much effort into trying to make too much sense out of how he thinks. At his age, his mind is still everywhere. It's like you're taking offense from a kid.


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

Below Average Drone said:


> I don't know KIK, but I assume it is some online messaging service.
> 
> As far as coming out, I was on the verge of coming out a few years ago, and then somewhere deep in me, I was grossed out with the idea of guys. I think if I were truly bisexual, I would think of sex with guys as 100% natural and be at peace with the idea.
> 
> ...


Yes, kik is a instant messenger application for smartphones. To me, it is better than giving out your cell phone number to text or call.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> I find it inappropriate to pursue a friendship with someone with which the government would have a vested interested in what our conversations consisted of.


True, my point really was that if God forbid, someone investigated and dug really deep, they could find it wrong to have conversations about sexual acts when one person was 24 and one was 14.

Of course, the 24 year old would be the one implicated.

I have actually had a few conversations with kids under 18 who I had no intention of meeting, and I was very careful not to say anything that could be deemed inappropriate.

But as long as he is careful and is only communicating with a headset with no intention of meeting, I don't see anything morally wrong with it


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## Jermster91 (Oct 25, 2015)

UPDATE

When I came out to him he warned to be careful telling that to. Today, I told him he was right since because when I told another online friend, he seemed to be alright with it and then found out he wasn't and had unfriended me (He has since refriended me). I made sure to let him know that I was not attracted to him, and he said that he did not care if I found him attractive or not since he said he was not gay. He then asked if he could talk to me about something and he proceeded to talk about his current gf and how he may not feel attractive to her and how he may like another girl. He was wondering what he should do since he was feeling stressed.We talked about it and I gave my opinion on what he should do. It seems like thing are going back to normal.


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