# Falling for anyone who pays attention to you



## Biscuit (Mar 20, 2009)

I'm female (18.), and I have this problem where I always start to have a crush on anyone (well...guys, anyways) who shows any sort of interest in me/is nice to me in any way.

I'm not talking about a guy who flirts with me, or is attracted to me or anything. i mean, literally, a classmate who speaks three words to me (i don't talk at school usually...). This also, unfortunately, extends to teachers. Then i act really awkwardly around them after they are nice to me.

Anyways, I tend to end up thinking creepy guys are really nice only to find out that they are, well, creepy people who talk to everyone.

Does anyone else (girls and guys) do this? It's almost some kind of hero/savior thing...they seem super in my eyes because they're actually paying some sort of positive attention to me.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Yes, I defintely see where you are coming from. I do the same thing with teachers and classmates. If they do something nice for me, like help me with a math problem, I get all giddy and swoony. I think you explained it well - it's just the simple fact that someone is actually paying positive attention to you.


----------



## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

I can relate only too easily. That kind of thing has happened to me on multiple occasions before also. 

It makes sense really, as if someone pays you unexpected positive attention , it can lead to you feeling extra good about yourself which in turn makes you feel good about the person. The flip side of it though, is that unfortunately - when getting carried away with such feelings - it can be only too easy to start painting yourself a really positive idolised picture of the person in your imagination which - once you get to know a bit more about them - doesn't always turn out to be accurate in reality and can often (though not always) lead to disappointment. That's certainly been my experience, with quite a few past crushes.


----------



## new shoes (Oct 25, 2008)

haha omg this happens to me too!!! but then, i try to think back upon their body language when they were talking to me and try to discern any 'interested' vibes from them....which it always turns out is not there. but the good thing that can come out of it, is once they break the ice and say something to u, it opens up the doors to communication and then u got urself a new friend! which may or may not turn into anythinig else.


----------



## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Orchid20 said:


> My doctor once said it's because we don't usually get that attention, that when we do it's intoxicating.
> Even when the person isn't the best for you. Ugh :[


I think that's absolutely spot on. That definitely describes my past experiences. When I've gotten the attention I've literally felt as if I'm on one big high. Intoxicated would definitely be the right word to describe that.


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

Good stuff, supportive feedback is the shizzle!


----------



## Biscuit (Mar 20, 2009)

It's so hard for me to discern what their "intentions" are. I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to understanding social cues. Orchid20 and Black widow, you're exactly right. It's always so surprising to me because I see myself as coming off as really weird and awkward, so it truly is intoxicating for someone to seemingly ignore that.

Yay! it's nice to know that other people experience the same thing. It sounds quite reasonable the way everyone explains it


----------



## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Biscuit said:


> It's so hard for me to discern what their "intentions" are. I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to understanding social cues. Orchid20 and Black widow, you're exactly right. It's always so surprising to me because I see myself as coming off as really weird and awkward, so it truly is intoxicating for someone to seemingly ignore that.
> 
> Yay! it's nice to know that other people experience the same thing. It sounds quite reasonable the way everyone explains it


You're certainly not alone! I think though, when it comes to anyone you barely know (i.e. you've only had the odd encounter here and there with them) in this type of situation then it's a tough one to figure out whether or not they really like you. It often only becomes more obvious over time as you get to know them that little bit better or at least interact with them more. ;-)



Orchid20 said:


> Yep.
> So right now this guy has been text messaging me all day, saying all of this charming bs that he probably tells to a lot of girls. He probably only wants to have sex with me.
> And what am I doing? I am texting back because I like the attention.
> Ugh.
> Yay for having f'ed up brain chemicals. :no


No harm in a little harmless flirty texting imo. ;-) But you are right at the same time for being that bit wary. It's not till you get to know a person properly that you can tell whether or not they're definitely dating/partner material for you.



Orchid20 said:


> Note: This is a very dangerous thing! Don't trust everyone who shows you a little attention.
> (Although I feel hypocritical saying that)
> You can get yourself into all kinds of messed up situations.
> Creepy people prey on this kind of mentality


Tell me about it. :-(


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

Sheeezzz, this is some powerful convo, I do my best to add value to anyone that's willing to engage my energy...boundries are the meat and potatoes, and I use a power greater than myself (My circle of trust, a group of people like us who are a Power greater than me trying to indentify and plan solutions for situations that baffle us, and GOD) for insight and the utilization of tools to make the best of relationships. I believe in giving people a chance but not leaning too heavily on them making them my Higher Power or trying to dominate them. There's a fine line between a pool and the ocean..


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

new shoes said:


> haha omg this happens to me too!!! but then, i try to think back upon their body language when they were talking to me and try to discern any 'interested' vibes from them....which it always turns out is not there. but the good thing that can come out of it, is once they break the ice and say something to u, it opens up the doors to communication and then u got urself a new friend! which may or may not turn into anythinig else.


Nice feedback!! The New shoes I just bought were the Lebron James, Carmelo Anthonys, Via Spiga Suede joints (Hot) and some leather Cole Hahns...Im a shoe fanatic!


----------



## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Hm, I do it sometimes, too.
It's the lack of attention that keeps us doing it, or so my therapist says.
If you don't get out much, or even if you do, and you don't usually have someone going out of their way to be nice and friendly to you on a regular basis, we sort of soak it up like a sponge and get too into it, read too into it.

While it's nice someone is paying attention, you can't always tell what their motives are and it could harm you, so you have to be careful. It's hard to be careful when you're not too sure about being social in the first place, though.


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

It feels good to feel good...I've had an opportunity to associate with a variety of people in my life because of I was high and emotionally numb (now that Im clean fear is more evident and affects my life) and honestly, most people aren't that bad, they're willing to help a brother or sister out, and are more keen to are emotional state than we think, chemistry is unexplainable...Share with the ladies on here privately anything you would perceive creepy and get some feedback...each one teach one.


----------



## jollybeans (Dec 8, 2008)

Orchid20 said:


> Note: This is a very dangerous thing! Don't trust everyone who shows you a little attention.
> (Although I feel hypocritical saying that)
> You can get yourself into all kinds of messed up situations.
> Creepy people prey on this kind of mentality


Advise taken. its scarey to know im vulnerable, i usually trust eveyone who is nice to me.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm the same way. I develop a huge crush on anyone who just _acknowledges_ me. It's extremely pathetic.


----------



## thewallflwr (Mar 13, 2009)

i'm the same way.
when teachers or adults do especially.
(i'm 17). 
i usually end up just clinging to kids my age
as a friend, but it's different with adults for some reason?
sigh.


----------



## jollybeans (Dec 8, 2008)

Orchid20 said:


> Yep.
> So right now this guy has been text messaging me all day, saying all of this charming bs that he probably tells to a lot of girls. He probably only wants to have sex with me.
> And what am I doing? I am texting back because I like the attention.
> Ugh.
> Yay for having f'ed up brain chemicals. :no


But how do you know if hes is a creep or if he's a good person?...i think its harder to know the diffrence when you have SA , since were not socially expirienced.Theres is this maintincene worker i talk to at work, Im the only one who talk to him people just call him crazy and ignore him. i tell him a lot about myself and i trust him a lot. im starting to re-think our "friendship" maybe im not seeing what everyone else is ,this guy could be a creep and im just blind to it because he nice to me and talks to me.


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

*Magnanimous*



Drella said:


> I'm the same way. I develop a huge crush on anyone who just _acknowledges_ me. It's extremely pathetic.


Thats my favorite word: Lofty and Kinglike/Queenlike...It is referred to a merciful king or queen, what does it mean to you?


----------



## lars (Mar 20, 2009)

R


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

lars said:


> THIS IS SO UNFAIR...
> 
> It's no wonder social anxious guys crawl back into their caves. You've decided that a guy that shows you attention is some kind of creep..
> 
> ...


I understand where your comin from, however, an O.G. once stated to me "That its none of my business what other people think of me." I admire your courage to state an obvious truth present on this forum, however, we are here for support and help, not to get the panties droppn hehe (huge exageration by the way.) Stay positive and approach a woman for the hell of it whenever and say Sup? Where ya from? And then absorb the vibe whether negative or positive and give yourself props for taking initiative. Good Job man!!


----------



## likeOlikeH (Jun 29, 2008)

reminds me of a quote from 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', one of my fav. movies
"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"
but yeah, this happens to me too, a lot


----------



## radiohead (Dec 15, 2008)

likeOlikeH said:


> reminds me of a quote from 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', one of my fav. movies
> "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"
> but yeah, this happens to me too, a lot


yea I was thinking of that film too(great film)

This is a great thread, great topic. I think most of us can relate to that.

I've had about 5 serious relationships(that lasted longer than a couple months) since I was 16; every single one was created by some girl actually pursuing me to some degree. Never did I ask a girl out on a date, never did I instigate anything(i'm too much of a ***** to do that).

So in essence basically all my girlfriends were not even controlled by me to some extent; I vividly recall when I was 17 and had a big crush on this girl for so many years, and I remember I was finally starting to talk to her and try to pursue her(i wasn't as antisocial back then) and I know she felt the same as me or whatever..........but this other girl really seemed to pursue me and actually asked me to a dance and instigated all the physical and intimate things as well; now I was attracted to her and did really like her and we ended up dating for 6 months............... but I can't help but think(now when I reflect) that I should of been a real man and just asked out the other girl*(who I knew for years and years) on a date back then and was meant to actually be with her........who knows what she could of been.

Anyway.........my point is we, you, all of us have to learn to try and get out there a little bit and ask girls/guys that we really like on a date. Otherwise we will continue this complex we have that when anybody of the opposite sex really shows an interest in being intimate or whatever we will instantly fall in love with or just end up dating for a long time because it's "comfortable". ****, haha, I don't even go out enough to have anyone even pursue me anymore.......bah

/end rant


----------



## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

lars said:


> THIS IS SO UNFAIR...
> 
> It's no wonder social anxious guys crawl back into their caves. You've decided that a guy that shows you attention is some kind of creep..
> 
> ...


I'm really sorry if anything I said gave the wrong impression! I didn't mean that at all.

It has, however, been my experience in the past that just because people were nice to me I've gone by first impressions and as a result of doing so developed feelings for them - only to later on discover, as I got to know more about them, that the idea of them I built up in my mind was inaccurate. It has also, unfortunately, happened on couple of occasions that I found some very negative things out about the people in question - and as a result realised my initial positive impressions were way off and I'd be better off not having anything to do with them.

I'm not saying that's the case with everyone though! Far from it. My only point is that you can only start to get an accurate idea about a person after you've got to know them properly. ;-)


----------



## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I totally do this. It's really embarrassing. It's the reason I was in a four-year relationship with a person I didn't even like that much.


----------



## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

I had the same problem as the OP, but I've learned to get a bit better, and I'm better at spotting the creeps.


lars said:


> THIS IS SO UNFAIR...
> 
> It's no wonder social anxious guys crawl back into their caves. You've decided that a guy that shows you attention is some kind of creep..
> 
> ...


 The difficulty is, lars, that so many guys out there are really pushy and regard anything short of stabbing them through the hanky pocket with a breadknife as "just playing hard to get" grrr. If one is nice to these pushy guys at all, they just assume you want to sleep with them then get angry when you don't. Trust me, I speak from bitter experience.

The whole dating game thing is full of injustice, I agree. Just please don't blame the entire female sex for it.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

This can be so dangerous! These types of people seem to have an innate sense of who they can use and manipulate.-They can pick out there prey so easily.-Sort of along the same lines as pediphiles - they always choose those that seem lonely and uncared for.- Always the the ones on the fringes of the group. Emotional con artists!


----------



## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Guilty


----------



## is_there_hope (Feb 27, 2009)

I hear you Lars, I hear you!


----------



## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

All it takes is for someone to _look in my direction_ and it can lead to an infatuation.
However If someone shows me ouright some genuine romantic attention I find I can't help but become quite alarmed. I react in the totally opposite way and start feeling paranoid and crowded. I have difficulty believing someone would actually like me, so I find myself always falling for people who are unattainable.



Still Waters said:


> This can be so dangerous! These types of people seem to have an innate sense of who they can use and manipulate.-They can pick out there prey so easily.-Sort of along the same lines as pediphiles - they always choose those that seem lonely and uncared for.- Always the the ones on the fringes of the group. Emotional con artists!


The reason I have social anxiety in the first place is because of people like this.


----------



## jugador409 (Nov 29, 2003)

Still Waters said:


> This can be so dangerous! These types of people seem to have an innate sense of who they can use and manipulate.-They can pick out there prey so easily.-Sort of along the same lines as pediphiles - they always choose those that seem lonely and uncared for.- Always the the ones on the fringes of the group. Emotional con artists!


How is someone who doesn't fit into a group all of a sudden equal to a a stalker or a pedophile? I understand that women should be careful about guys who approach them but the same should be true for all guys. The good looking, social, well dressed guy is just as likely to take advantage of you as the quiet, socially awkward guy how doesn't seem to fit in with others.


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

Mars and Venus SA's...check out some other countries men...Brazil or Thailand preferrably and I garauntee your confusion will dissolve.


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

jugador409 - I was'nt talking about all guys-or guys with SA.- Heck,those guys might be some of the sweetest.- I meant the guys who pick up on the fact you have little confidence and are longing to be noticed. There's a certain type that will use that against you. So often when you have SA your feelings are obvious to others and you have to be cautious.


----------



## Jerzy007 (Mar 23, 2009)

Very well put!


----------



## onedimension (Sep 16, 2008)

I ended up in a bad friendship with a girl because I was just so thrilled to have someone calling me and wanting to spend time with me.

I think we're all pretty hungry for acceptance.


----------



## jugador409 (Nov 29, 2003)

Still Waters said:


> jugador409 - I was'nt talking about all guys-or guys with SA.- Heck,those guys might be some of the sweetest.- I meant the guys who pick up on the fact you have little confidence and are longing to be noticed. There's a certain type that will use that against you. So often when you have SA your feelings are obvious to others and you have to be cautious.


My bad, sorry about that. You're right about those other types of guys though. The problem is that they know what buttons to push to make you feel good but at the same time to manipulate you into doing what they want. These people prey on guys too so I'd say both sides should be careful.


----------



## Moody99 (Dec 20, 2008)

Yes i can relate...no wonder i had so many losers as boyfriends.


----------



## Girl_Loner (Mar 17, 2009)




----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

This happened to me. I guess this guy wanted to get to know me as a friend or whatever but I developed a huge crush because I'm not used to getting any attention at all and now he stopped talking to me and I feel real *****y dammit. I wish I could stop liking anyone ugghh :x


----------



## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

Yes, this happens to me. The sort that exploit it are pretty bad, too. 

It hurts a lot more when the person rejects you. :sigh


----------



## Biscuit (Mar 20, 2009)

Knife said:


> All it takes is for someone to _look in my direction_ and it can lead to an infatuation.
> However If someone shows me ouright some genuine romantic attention I find I can't help but become quite alarmed. I react in the totally opposite way and start feeling paranoid and crowded. I have difficulty believing someone would actually like me, so I find myself always falling for people who are unattainable.


This is so true for me as well. I tend to label someone as either "desperate" "creepy" or "annoying" if they show any interest in me. The problem is though that it end up going like this...

1) someone pays attention to me
2) I build them up in my mind for paying attention to me
3) I read way too much into it and convince myself there's something there that isn't
4) I then proceed to label this person as creepy, annoying, or desperate

All this before I actually get to know them.

The feeling of vulnerability, especially being female, is extremely hard for me. I am vulnerable enough when it comes to opening myself up to rejection- add in the possibility of opening up to a creep/someone who might hurt you just completely closes it down for me.


----------



## bear (Mar 7, 2009)

exactly why I'm afraid to be friends or in a relationship with anyone anymore.


----------



## whathappened (Mar 28, 2009)

Yes, I've been through this was a few teachers of mine, and this girl in one of my classes that I have. Little things like a smile, greeting or small talk means a lot to me from females, I never had a gf before so yeah. 

Even from anyone, a little acknowledgment still means a lot, I don't have a big social network at all and usually shut in most of the year.


----------



## Taija (Nov 3, 2008)

A year ago when I was 15 I got involved with a pedophile twice my age on the internet who wanted nothing else but to meet me for sex. I felt so worthless at the time and having someone show even some kinda attention to me made me feel better. I just didn't feel like I was good for anything else. I almost agreed to do it it but luckily I started talking to my current boyfriend a little after and over time I've grown to believe that maybe someone can love me after all.

Don't go where I almost went.


----------



## blc1 (Jan 8, 2009)

This happens to me also. I don't discriminate against Anyone interested. Sad.


----------



## hulkamaniak (Mar 21, 2008)

yep im even more pathetic

When im on the train if I find a girl sort of attractive, if they look my way I think they are attractive to me, even though odds are they are looking somewhere completely opposite.

And theres a 99% chance they dont think im attractive, and a 99.9999% chance id approach them, so its a lose/lose situation


----------



## IDK (Jan 16, 2009)

yea I do this alot...


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I see what you're saying here. I've had what you've described as this problem when I tried dating this really pretty girl around 6 months ago. Although it's a slightly different example I still think it related to the same feelings. Basically, anytime she alluded to the fact that I made her blush when I walked into her work or that she really liked me I just went super awkward because I wasn't sure how to react to all that positive attention. Needless to say, in the end, the awkwardness must've overwhelmed her because she figured out how 'weird' I was and just moved on to dating other guys. Ugh.


----------



## kyg2134 (Sep 28, 2015)

*hunger*

Unfortunately even if this thread is old, it is real to me. I fall for almost any good looking person who shows interest. I used to think I was straight for the most part, until men started being kinder than women ever were. I fall for guys too quick now and too easy


----------



## Euthymia (Jul 15, 2015)

I KNEW IT!

Women crave attention.

I guess I will give them no attention to torture them MWAHAHA!

Heh, I'm just joking. I feel good also when people want to hang out with me.


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Euthymia said:


> I KNEW IT!
> 
> Women crave attention.
> 
> I guess I will give them no attention to torture them MWAHAHA!


Haha. Personally I don't *love* attention that much, but if there is someone who seems to not give me much notice (acts apathetic and indifferent), dang it can make me angry and desperate at times.

Don't give me wrong, this doesn't mean I go for jerks who ignore me. Lol. There's a balance. :'p


----------



## bittersweetavenue (Jan 1, 2015)

Aww I used to do that when I was younger. Made for some painfully awkward memories.


----------



## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I fail to see how this is a bad thing. Your body knows you have no chance in breeding so it's lowers your standards for you.


----------



## Upgrade (Jul 3, 2014)

Haha yeah, I do this too all the time...it's pretty much automatic; constantly having to catch myself from letting my imagination run away with itself.



Iced Soul said:


> Hm, I do it sometimes, too.
> It's the lack of attention that keeps us doing it, or so my therapist says.
> If you don't get out much, or even if you do, and you don't usually have someone going out of their way to be nice and friendly to you on a regular basis, we sort of soak it up like a sponge and get too into it, read too into it..


Makes sense...I soak it up like a sponge that's been in the desert for years.


----------



## rosecolored (May 13, 2012)

Iced Soul said:


> Hm, I do it sometimes, too.
> It's the lack of attention that keeps us doing it, or so my therapist says.
> If you don't get out much, or even if you do, and you don't usually have someone going out of their way to be nice and friendly to you on a regular basis, we sort of soak it up like a sponge and get too into it, read too into it.
> 
> While it's nice someone is paying attention, you can't always tell what their motives are and it could harm you, so you have to be careful. It's hard to be careful when you're not too sure about being social in the first place, though.


So true. It's the attention and niceness that I like, not the actual person. Since they're giving the attention, I think I like them...until I get to know them and find things that I don't like.


----------



## Torkani (Nov 9, 2012)

This never affected me in a romantic way but I used to feel extremely grateful for anyone who showed me abit of love (attention) even if it was for an alterior motive or that it was obvious that it was fraudulant and regardless of whatever they'd done in the past.

When your'e as vulerable as this people will prey on you, and the person is an outcast or is on the fringes of society, the whole thing will most likely be entirely his fault because he didn't have the 'balls' to stand up for himself.

Of course, this is never the case when the victim is one of the 'true' human beings.


----------



## nanamisama (Oct 3, 2015)

I can totally relate to the whole hero thing!! 

If someone is even sort of nice to me (like any normal human being should be) I instantly feel warm and fuzzy and put them on a pedastal. From then on, I feel like I have to be super nice to them in order to pay back for how nice they were to me. Then I just feel inadequate and guilty, because I assume that they won't like me once they see how boring and ungrateful I am. It kinda sucks


----------



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

This doesn't happen to me. I developed a crush on a few people right when I first saw them. I think that's worse than your situation. I wouldn't call it love at first sight. I don't believe in that. I remember crushing on a girl back in junior high just because my friends had a crush on her. I didn't find her attractive until the guys were talking about how pretty she was. So I ended up having a crush on her.


----------

