# I don't love my family anymore



## MyTimeIsJustAboutUp (Nov 16, 2017)

I don't love my mother anymore. I feel no love when I look at her. And I can no longer hold a conversation with her without fighting until the end. I feel no love for my best friend anymore. I just want to her to pass away. I'm entering probably the darkest time in my life. I may not come out of it. I may be locked up soon. On major tranquilizers. I can no longer live with myself. The guilt and shame are crushing me alive. I can't sleep without pills. And I no longer want any of my possessions. I'm throwing everything away tomorrow except for my clothes and my bed. I want to die. I'll have to let a mental hospital kill me with drugs. I'll go in and I'll never come back out. Like millions before me. Goodbye everyone. If there's one word I can use to sum up my existence in 33 years - it would be inconsequential.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

Sounds like you really need someone to talk to. Please seek help before harming yourself and/or others.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


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## Skygrinder (Nov 30, 2017)

Doubt you'll get many responses for something like this. People run from stuff like this like it's the plague. It's sad, really.

Why are you fighting with your mother?
Is there some reason why you don't love her or your best friend anymore?


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## DSusan (Nov 19, 2017)

I would suggest engage in activities that give you peace of mind and stay away from things that are potentially disturbing. Do good deeds because i personally feel you are thinking that you aren't of any worth for living. Don't think that way rather think in a positive way because you get one chance to live a life. This life is so beautiful to live, common on...


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## webs (Jul 5, 2016)

Do you know about Eckhart Tolle? Otherwise, I recommend you read his book 'the power of now' or watch him on youtube.
He have a really interesting perspective on 'I can no longer live with myself'


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## MyTimeIsJustAboutUp (Nov 16, 2017)

I'm not harming anyone. And I'm in no hurry to invite the police over to ship me off to an emergency room, and then to a mental hospital. And I fight with my mother simply because I'm a foul tempered *******. I've been on psychiatric disability my entire adult life, I have no respect for myself or anyone else, I've never earned anything in my life. I'm like a Howard Stern wackpacker. Except there's nothing particularly funny about me. I'm inconsequential - my mother told me this last night. And she hasn't spoken to me all day. I'll be alone one day soon - in a room in a house with other inconsequentials. Sharing toilets and bathtubs. And hopefully, with no Internet access so I'm not writing these rambling posts anymore that I'm addicted to writing. 


CNikki said:


> Sounds like you really need someone to talk to. Please seek help before harming yourself and/or others.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
> 1-800-273-8255
> ...


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## webs (Jul 5, 2016)

It sounds to me like you have a very big painbody, and at the moment you are doing exactly what the painbody needs... more pain... you are feeding it (I wish I would know myself how not to feed it)


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## Cook38 (Dec 10, 2017)

Your mother was wrong for saying you're inconsequential. Sometimes people will say something without realizing how much impact it will have on you. Or maybe they know exactly what buttons it pushes and say it out of anger in the heat of the moment. I bet you anything that she doesn't really feel that way, and that you're very consequential to her and her life. And if it did hurt when she said that? Its because you do love her.


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## MyTimeIsJustAboutUp (Nov 16, 2017)

That's right.

And on another topic, I've felt ill all day. The Elavil I took last night really wreaked havoc on me. It rarely has in the past when I've taken it. But I'm still feeling awful more than a day after taking it. My nasal passages and throat and gums have that Elavil sort of feeling still. Like they've been drained of all their natural liquid and replaced with something unnatural. My muscles ache. I'm sensitive to cold. Perhaps I'm getting sick - again. Perhaps one day I'll be free of all of these psychiatric drugs - and I'll go back to living a sober life.

[/QUOTE]I bet you anything that she doesn't really feel that way, and that you're very consequential to her and her life. And if it did hurt when she said that? Its because you do love her.[/QUOTE]


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