# Do you think your problems would be solved if you were hot?



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

It's a simple question.....do you think your life (social anxiety included) would improve vastly if you were more attractive and fit into society's beauty ideals?

I have a nice, thin body but my face could use some improvement. Sometimes I think about if I had a more modelesque face, would I still have low self-esteem? 

Honestly, I think if I were prettier and therefore more confident about myself overall, I wouldn't have low self-esteem nor anxiety. People treat you based on how you look unfortunately. Thankfully, with the right outfit and hairstyle, I clean up pretty well. 

When you're an attractive woman, things are more likely to fall into place, especially male attention lol.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

I think I'd have a little less to worry about and maybe not hate myself as much, but I'm not sure my SA problems would improve.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

Yea, I'd definitely not hate myself so much. That would make a world of difference in my mood and the way i treat other people


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

Well the things is, the better you look, the more opportunities you get. I had a lot of opportunities in my life, but I don't have the confidence to run with the ball. So no I don't believe it would help me, but then again I'm not ugly.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Being more attractive wouldn't help me *much*, since my SA has relatively little to do with my looks, and more to do with me fearing rejection by potential friends. It's different for everyone, I realize. :stu

I was actually okay with my looks (and still mostly am, even though I'm not attractive or in shape at all) before my peers started losing interest in me; I haven't vastly physically changed any, so my appearance can't have much to do with the rejection. I'd love a few things about my appearance being improved, though. :/


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I wish I hadn't looked down on myself when I was younger and WAS hot. :no


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

thirdcoming said:


> Well the things is, the better you look, the more opportunities you get. I had a lot of opportunities in my life, but I don't have the confidence to run with the ball.


Good ****** point!



DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I wish I hadn't looked down on myself when I was younger and WAS hot. :no


Another good ****** point!


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

No. SA doesn't discriminate by looks.


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## harletta (Nov 4, 2012)

Don't think it would solve them but it wouldn't make them any worse.


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## aGenericUsername (Apr 7, 2013)

Yes. I'm tired of these good looking people crying about how hard their lives are... or the people "OMG I'm sooo ugly" when they know they are better looking than most.

Yeah, you'd still have SA (maybe) but you'd be GOOD LOOKING. You'd gain a ton of confidence and people would be throwing themselves at you.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

While appearance has played some contributing factor to my low self esteem and anxiety it's never been the major source. In some ways if I was suddenly mega hot that could create it's own problems. I'd still have no idea how to communicate with others or handle relationships. Only now with more people desiring me to be in a relationship with them.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Nope. It might make ladies look at me, but I still wouldn't get any because of my mental problems.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Not in my case, no. It would probably aid in less significant circumstances though.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It would make it easier on the surface, but I still would have to go out and talk to people (and make eye contact.)


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## afff (Dec 27, 2012)

Of course it would. How could someone say it wouldnt?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Well the increased opportunities would give someone more chances to figure them out if the problems were influenced by your appearance.


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## Parsnip (Sep 5, 2013)

No. A pretty exterior does not fix faulty wiring.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

It would improve how I feel on a daily basis, but I would still have anxiety in social situations.


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## kkarla (Sep 10, 2013)

I doubt all my problems would be solved. I have major issues talking to people, first of all. Being attractive would most likely reduce my self-consciousness, but then again, being hot attracts people. I don't know if I'd be able to deal with that. I'm just used to being ugly and not attracting any human contact whatsoever, so it's what I'm most comfortable with, I suppose.


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

If it afforded me more opportunities, sure. Although even if it didn't, it would be AWESOME if women thought I was hot! :lol


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

aGenericUsername said:


> Yeah, you'd still have SA (maybe) but you'd be GOOD LOOKING. You'd gain a ton of confidence and people would be throwing themselves at you.


No, you wouldn't. It's one of those "the grass is greener" illusions. I used to have people ask if I was a model and I could barely breathe when I went anywhere. I didn't have any confidence socially. I felt like I was from another planet or something. I had to get drunk just to do anything socially and then I wasn't 'there' because I was so drunk. I got a lot of attention from men but that was just about sex, it wasn't about love or anything. Plus it freaked me out. If you don't love yourself and you don't know how to relate to other people, you'll still be alone. Someone who is good with people, but not necessarily good looking, has a better chance imo of having a fulfilling life than someone who looks good with SA. I had girls who had friends hating me just because of the way I looked and I was eating my lunch in the bathroom.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'd have an attractive boyfriend(s) but other than that not much would be different. I don't think I'd have more friends nor would it help all that much with finding a job unless I was good looking enough to model.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

I used to think so, but as time has gone on and I've made an effort to improve my looks (I do think I look better now, and on some nights, I think I even look *gasp* good). However aside from that, nothing else has changed. I'm still boring, I still can't initiate or hold a conversation.

Not to mention, a slight bump to my confidence level has brought about a slight superiority complex in me, I feel like I'm above people. Especially at the club, it infuriates me to know that I've made an effort to dress up and look my best while the white trash dude in the 2XL graphic tee and jorts is getting all the action.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I totally get what you mean. But being hot is better than being ugly, and there should be no discussion. What you say is true, but it's also true that a good looking person has a better chance of being sought after and less chance of being ridiculed, thus not having social anxiety in the first place.
> 
> That was on a serious note. I also had a joke, but the kind of joke I came up with has gotten me in trouble before, so I'll pass this time.


I think there should be discussion but I get your point, too. Thank you for passing on the joke.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Well my lack of confidence, self esteem and pretty much everything I get sad about is relatd to my appearance, so yeah it would help a lot. That being said, if I still felt like I wasn't attractive than it wouldn't make any difference, I think that's the key.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

No. I'd still be broke.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

AussiePea said:


> if I still felt like I wasn't attractive than it wouldn't make any difference, I think that's the key.


That.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

No, I'd be too hot to touch.

Actually, I'm working on confidence and esteem. I'll tell you the rest later.


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## guitarmatt (Aug 13, 2009)

For someone with SA and self esteem issues I don't think it helps at all..its what's inside that matters most and how you view yourself.
If you think about it people with SA don't like attention, so it would almost be better to be average and blend in with the crowd. If you are attractive, most likely people will notice you more which imo, is bad news if you are self-conscious/shy and don't know how to handle the attention.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm honestly pretty confident about my appearance, though I'm still one of the least confident people out there and can hardly talk to anyone. I'm not sure it would help me. Some people lack confidence because of their looks, and others lack confidence for other reasons. I think most people have developed a lot of negative thought patterns and bad habits that simply changing looks wouldn't solve make everything better - though insecurity about their appearance could be the origin of their problems.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

No, I don't think it would solve all my problems. It may make me a little more confident, but I am too far into my SA for it to cure me. I think if more guys were to notice me because I was more attractive, I would feel worse. I get all shy and quiet when people look at me, and it could make my SA worse. But I would like to think that gaining confidence could help me work on my SA.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

No, I would just use my good looks for evil.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

guitarmatt said:


> ...most likely people will notice you more which imo, is bad news if you are self-conscious/shy and don't know how to handle the attention.


Well said, Matt. I remember my mother telling me that even when I was a very young child, I would get upset if people I didn't know looked at me_. _ :um


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

guitarmatt said:


> For someone with SA and self esteem issues I don't think it helps at all..its what's inside that matters most and how you view yourself.
> If you think about it people with SA don't like attention, so it would almost be better to be average and blend in with the crowd. If you are attractive, most likely people will notice you more which imo, is bad news if you are self-conscious/shy and don't know how to handle the attention.


Would depend on how the persons SA affects them though. For me the reason I have SA is due to the fear of being judged for being ugly. If I felt like I was attractive than I would no longer fear that judgment. The key to all this is self perception though, so I think a better thread title would be "Do you think your problems would be solved if you believed you were hot".


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## Shockwave The Logical (Aug 27, 2013)

We may have advantages but problems would still arise.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I am told I'm hot, by men. I'm told at work that I should be a model. I'm told often that I am pretty, beautiful, etc etc.

My confidence and self esteem are (were) non existent. I have experienced 99% of my life as nothing but misery, rejection, failed relationships and marriages, all four of which ended in divorce. I lost my two kids - I gave them up to my first husband. I didn't want them to be like me. 

what you are talking about here, it's not necessarily so simple. it isn't what's on the outside that determines success in life. It truly is determined by what's on the inside. 

and IF you think that happiness is determined by what's on the outside, then THAT is a sure sign of low self esteem. because when you are sure of yourself, your worth, your right to be here and have good things happen to you, if you believe in your talents and the quality of what you have to offer the world, NOTHING negative anyone says about you will have any kind of lasting effect beyond the time it takes you to fart in their direction.


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## Captainmycaptain (Sep 23, 2012)

When I was in high school, all the good looking kids were popular and had lots of friends. The ugly ones were generally the outcasts. So obviously looks matter to people. I was called ugly a few times and it really messed me up in the head.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

leonardess said:


> I am told I'm hot, by men. I'm told at work that I should be a model. I'm told often that I am pretty, beautiful, etc etc.
> 
> My confidence and self esteem are (were) non existent. I have experienced 99% of my life as nothing but misery, rejection, failed relationships and marriages, all four of which ended in divorce. I lost my two kids - I gave them up to my first husband. I didn't want them to be like me.
> 
> ...


This is a very well thought out and honest post. I couldn't put it better myself. Everyone should read this carefully and consider message here.

:yes


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

leonardess said:


> I am told I'm hot, by men. I'm told at work that I should be a model. I'm told often that I am pretty, beautiful, etc etc.
> 
> My confidence and self esteem are (were) non existent. I have experienced 99% of my life as nothing but misery, rejection, failed relationships and marriages, all four of which ended in divorce. I lost my two kids - I gave them up to my first husband. I didn't want them to be like me.
> 
> ...


Truth of life ;;
:squeeze <3


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

If nothing else, attractiveness can't hurt.

Take two people dealt the same set of cards in life, except -- one of them "hot", one of them not -- I'm sure the 'hot' one will have had an easier or better time in general. How *much* easier or better, who knows, but that would be the case, I do believe.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

Glass Child said:


> Truth of life ;;
> :squeeze <3


2000 posts grats :yay


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

Nope.

Besides a noticeable issue on my face, I'm not all too bad looking. Sure, if I was Ryan Reynolds, maybe I'd be able to say I star in bad movies with hot actresses, but I doubt it'd solve any of my real problems. With anxiety for me, it'd still be holding me back from initiating interactions - even if other people initiated them instead, rather than now when no one does.

I wouldn't _mind_ looking like Ryan Reynolds, but I wouldn't call it a cure-all in the slightest.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

DRUGSAREnotGOOD said:


> When I was in high school, all the good looking kids were popular and had lots of friends. The ugly ones were generally the outcasts. So obviously looks matter to people. I was called ugly a few times and it really messed me up in the head.


I was called "ugly" in high school. then, after high school, I was told I was very pretty, and actually chased by guys. this literally started happening the day after i graduated.

high school sucks. it is a pressure cooker of false personae. I hated the hell out of it.


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## fountain223 (Sep 10, 2013)

not true..being attractive doesn't do much in fact, it can cause more hatred from others...and from men. most non-model looking women have no problem in life, but the prettier you are, the more hatred u get from people in general...your problems would be worse if you were attractive in fact really bad...I know from experience. everyone is jealous of you if you have something extraordinary...


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## fountain223 (Sep 10, 2013)

ryan Reynolds is such a geek. I remember him from teen shows on nick..he seems the same to me...the same geeky weirdo just older...sorry but people's standards are gone these days.. geeks are hot and ugly people are famous...


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

Maybe but I really don't think so.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

fountain223 said:


> ryan Reynolds is such a geek. I remember him from teen shows on nick..he seems the same to me...the same geeky weirdo just older...sorry but people's standards are gone these days.. geeks are hot and ugly people are famous...


What the hell? Are you saying Geeks shouldn't be considered hot and ugly people cant be famous?

I don't know what to say to that, mind blown.


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## fountain223 (Sep 10, 2013)

im attractive and have high self esteem, however everyone brings me down...Everyone. everyone has issues with me when im present, dislikes me, and treats me like an outcast. everyone hates me b/c im attractive and have self esteem. as a result, EVERYONE mistreats me, and then im bullied and treated so badly, I have major social issues and fears due to other people's hatred jealousy and mistreatment of me. I am terrified of interacting with people because I don't know how theyre going to react to me and most are pretty mean. I cant get a boyfriend because men dislike me too out of jealousy or insecurity. not every attractive person has it easy in fact it can be worse. people also think "well she can get anything she wants therefore im going to treat her like dirt"!! but if maybe 99% of people think this way then EVERYONE will be treating you like dirt thinking that everyone else kisses your a**. no one wants to kiss your a** so they treat you like crap. This is my reality...so being attractive can be a problem. I have never had a man hit on me in my life, and ive had men throw things at me and call me names. in fact I get harassed and discriminated against for being attractive by men and women but by men more. a man even threw food at me at a drive thru once- people just go crazy on me.

on the other hand..average looking people...men are not threatened by you, men feel comfortable around you, men don't insult you aren't jealous of you, you can get many boyfriends, and many friends because no one is jealous of you. everyone likes you and there are no problems. im lucky if I can get one friend or any guy that will call me back...most guys disappear right away b/c im pretty and they want nothing to do with me. the world can be a sh*tty place...


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## fountain223 (Sep 10, 2013)

no im saying IMO ryan Reynolds is a GEEK....while women think he is a studly god..ryan Reynolds isn't ugly and I don't think hes all that...and why are you asserting that im talking about ugly people...grow up and stop being a jerk im talking about ryan Reynolds not YOU


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

fountain223 said:


> no im saying IMO ryan Reynolds is a GEEK....while women think he is a studly god..ryan Reynolds isn't ugly and I don't think hes all that...and why are you asserting that im talking about ugly people...grow up and stop being a jerk im talking about ryan Reynolds not YOU


It was not my intention to offend you. I didn't think you were talking about me either.

You probably need to calm down some, Sure I don't agree with what you said and I don't understand but that doesn't mean I am out to personally attack you.

I only mentioned ugly people, because *you* mentioned it in your post? I think that's fairly rational.

Anyways I will not continue this discussion with you. As its not serving any beneficial purpose.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

No, it's my personality that's the problem. If I was ugly but I didn't care, it would be as if I weren't ugly.


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

No. 
Look, I'll be honest: I'm not bad looking. There's nothing really wrong with me. If I put forth the effort, I could maybe look "hot". In fact, I'm sure a lot of us here could! But I choose not to. I wear my t-shirts and boot cut jeans because that's what I like. If I went out in public wearing really short shorts, a low cut top, sexy boots and had my hair down long, I'd feel horrible. It's like a betrayal of my self; I'd look in the mirror and see a fraud. I also would hate the attention and it would up my anxiety.

I choose my look because it's comfortable and (I feel) it reflects my personality. I don't have a sexy personality. I don't even have a sexy voice. I'm very "Tom-boy"ish (as much as I dislike that label) in a lot of ways.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

I think based on the women I tend to notice, actually, I really like 'tom-boyish' women. Maybe I just feel like they aren't trying to look the same as everyone else, and I find that a lot more interesting. I know they are probably more independent in their thinking and maybe a little alternative in their interests.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I am hot, that ruined my life.


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## Carcamo (May 4, 2013)

Well for me yes, cause better looks = higher confidence, not your typical self-conscious problems always being aware of your surroundings and/or people from making judgement statements about you. but that isn't all, with great looks you're able to attract the girl you want. 

but i will still have depression regardless of having great looks.


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

I bet you any amount of money that if I posted a picture of how I look now (t-shirt, jeans, short hair w/bangs, light makeup) next to a picture of me with longer hair, heavy eye makeup, and a short dress, most people would think the latter was "hot". 

It's all an illusion.


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## Letmebe (Dec 17, 2012)

Chances are I would not see it, hell I don't even see when I am almost skeletal thin..

But it would probably make my life easier and improve my confidence.


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Well, if you're sort of in the middle-upper section of attractiveness, yeah. But illusion or not, it gets you appreciation. That's what I mean. It does affect how people judge you.


Sadly, yes. That is my frustration. There's this attitude in society that those women put more effort into their appearance and are therefore better looking or are more feminine. But are men really biologically programmed to be turned off by leg hair, but attracted to dark eye makeup? How backwards is that? I guess I'm not sexy because I have a perfectly healthy, natural, hairy feminine body. Oh wait. Just like every other woman on this planet. (I do shave, mind you)


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## minnie52 (Aug 30, 2013)

When I was hot, LOL!!, I just got more attention that I did not know how to deal with unless I was drinking because I was and am so socially awkward


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Oh, that's a whole other discussion, and I'm sure we'd be on the same side. Although I'm so deeply conditioned by society, that threw into the situation, I might freak out a little bit. You know, in a hippie girl kind of situation...
> 
> Those hippies, man. They knew how it was.


Yup. I am a hippy in that regard. We need to stop thinking we're better or smarter than nature (or God, if you're religious). As long as we have that attitude, we will (continue to) destroy ourselves and the planet.

Rant over.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

No. I can be hot or ugly. Only other people can see that. I only see my ugliness.


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## Zaidi (Apr 13, 2013)

lyric said:


> It's a simple question.....do you think your life (social anxiety included) would improve vastly if you were more attractive and fit into society's beauty ideals?
> 
> I have a nice, thin body but my face could use some improvement. Sometimes I think about if I had a more modelesque face, would I still have low self-esteem?
> 
> ...


Obviously yes.
The society we live in is full of snobs. Those who claim to be not-interested in a person's congenital looks and visage and say that it's all how one person is by heart is what matters, are all just fake asses. I know my life would have been so much easier if it wasn't for my zombic facial expressions. I get rejected by so many girls just because of my looks. No matter how nice you are and how much do you care for people and how welcoming you are, at the end it's all about the personality and visage you are equipped with and your loyalty is barely given any praise. :/


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

It's not the case most of the time, but I actually believe that it might've solved some problems. My SA started when acne kicked in, so maybe if I hadn't had any acne growing up, I'd be much more confident and have a whole bunch of friends. That's still a mystery though. I know that a lot of people started having SA not because of it, so that wouldn't necessarily help out, because there are some really beautiful people here.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I was hot for a while (apparently).

Didn't stop me from being a nervous wreck with cripplingly low self-esteem. :b



In other words: Individual results may vary.


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## invisiblegirl82 (Sep 10, 2013)

I think it would help with some things, pretty people are more likely to be approached so don't have to get up the courage to talk to others as much. However I don't think it would resolve things completely and it may be that it brings its own problems.


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## handsup (Jun 22, 2013)

No, I don't think it would make a difference. A lot of people said that I am attractive man... But look at my sh$tty life, it didn't make any difference in my life. I still have SA, I still don't have social life, confidence or girl friends. I am still alone and everyone hates me.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

I don't think I look *too* bad tbh, but being more hench would definitely help my self-confidence..


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

would it solve my problems? No, would it make my life better in some ways? Probably, would it make my life worse in other ways? Also probably. 

I wouldn't want to be approached all the time for dates and stuff though, and some people think really attractive people are stuck up (especially if they're not responding how people think they should because of anxiety) so actually no, thinking about it overall it would make things worse. I'm around average looks wise and I'm fine with that right now.

If I had a pound for everytime someone on this website said something along the lines of 'you're so pretty, why do you have anxiety' or 'you're too good looking to have social anxiety' to another user I'd have quite the pound coin collection by now.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I did experience this when I was living abroad. I might be a 4 here but when I was abroad I was more like a 7 or an 8. Got a crap load more attention from men.


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## alenclaud (Mar 31, 2013)

Nope, it would not, and certainly not all of them.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Persephone The Dread said:


> If I had a pound for everytime someone on this website said something along the lines of 'you're so pretty, why do you have anxiety' or 'you're too good looking to have social anxiety' to another user I'd have quite the pound coin collection by now.


Yeah, those comments are inappropriate and highly ignorant.

This also seems to be how a lot of people in here are interpreting the original question (_"are those types of comments accurate_"). I mean... it's either that, or there's an awful lot of denial going on in this topic.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

I'm handsome, and my last girlfriend was 4 years ago... :stu

And yes, interacting with people makes me terribly insecure. I'll be twitching my hands, legs, be very fidgety, have a blank mind. And I also suffer from long term depression.

In essence, I don't think looks are strongly correlated with SA, I believe it has more to do with brain function than anything.

*HOWEVER, regardless of how miserable I am, I will have the decency to admit that my life would've probably been even harder without my good looks.*

Handsome people are unconsciously perceived as smarter, they'll have a bit of an edge in job interviews, for instance.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

Yes in my case


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## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

being more attractive would help my self-esteem, i know it, it has happened in the past.


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## DisneyMisfit (Aug 29, 2013)

Being more attractive would help boost my self esteem and confidence but it wouldn't fix all my problems.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

looks is like a +50 bonus, if you had 50, which is money, it will make you perfect, if you had 0 and don't have looks you are 0


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I am hot. It's a hundred degrees outside. My problems have not been solved as a result.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Yes, if I were to look older and more mature, than my current face, I would have it a lot easier. But I don't know about having all my problems solved however by this alone.


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## newusernamethatdoesntexi (Jun 15, 2013)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I wish I hadn't looked down on myself when I was younger and WAS hot. :no


I was weird when I was younger and used to love myself. Like I would look in the mirror and flirt with myself. I was a weird kid though. o_0



aGenericUsername said:


> Yes. I'm tired of these good looking people crying about how hard their lives are... or the people "OMG I'm sooo ugly" when they know they are better looking than most.
> 
> Yeah, you'd still have SA (maybe) but you'd be GOOD LOOKING. You'd gain a ton of confidence and people would be throwing themselves at you.





afff said:


> Of course it would. How could someone say it wouldnt?


Ever heard of BDD? It has nothing to do with how others view you.



Mr Bacon said:


> I'm handsome, and my last girlfriend was 4 years ago... :stu
> 
> And yes, interacting with people makes me terribly insecure. I'll be twitching my hands, legs, be very fidgety, have a blank mind. And I also suffer from long term depression.
> 
> ...


Oh my, someone is full of themselves. :roll

I'm beginning to see that people only think their SA would be better if they were more attractive and the more attractive people are saying that isn't true for them, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be here. Soooo, I think we can conclude that ugly people are not looking truthfully at the real reasons they have SA, and pretty people realize they just have mental issues regardless. My thoughts.


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## MkMiku (Apr 29, 2010)

I've had people tell me I'm handsome--not girls, but like neighbors and relatives--but that hasn't changed anything. You would think those compliments would boost my self-confidence, and they did for a couple days, but I still feel anxiety when talking to people. Basically, I've learned that true beauty and confidence comes from the inside. You don't have to be young or attractive to be *likable*.

I probably would trade in my looks to be more sociable. I would at least have more friends that way. Looks only get you so far.


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## Andyroo (Sep 10, 2013)

I believe it depends for some people and I'd say it would help in terms of people who prefer to approach socialising by letting someone else be in control of the socialising and it can be a really good icebreaker for starting a conversation. 

I wouldn't say it's totally helped me, but I often get a lot of women commenting about my eyes and staring at them but I never seem to get past the whole eye topic. I would prefer social skills over looks any day though.


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## basuraeuropea (Jul 25, 2012)

but, like, i am hot. duh?


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## Cheesecake (Feb 2, 2007)

It would make me less embarrassed to show my face. I struggle to go out knowing that people will see me. If I were attractive it would be a bit easier going out. I still wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be as hard.


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## Mlochail (Jul 11, 2012)

Nope. And I'm perfectly fine the way I am. I wouldn't want it any different. Society needs to get over themselfs.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

yukikodunkzone said:


> Oh my, someone is full of themselves. :roll
> 
> I'm beginning to see that people only think their SA would be better if they were more attractive and the more attractive people are saying that isn't true for them, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't be here. Soooo, I think we can conclude that ugly people are not looking truthfully at the real reasons they have SA, and pretty people realize they just have mental issues regardless. My thoughts.


What can I say? When I wake up, wash my face, and stare at my reflection in the mirror, I like what I see. Does it make me an arrogant d*uche if I'm not insecure about my looks? :bat



likeaspacemonkey said:


> Actually I think Mr. Bacon is absolutely NOT full of himself. He's admitting that even though he is attractive (and I'll say, nothing wrong with knowing that, doesn't mean you're cocky or anything) he still has problems. But has his feet on the ground, and knows that his good looks are a pro, not a con. He's not saying good looking people don't have problems, he's saying *"I'm good looking, and I have problems. But being considered ugly would definitely not help."*


:high5 Finally someone who understands me!


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## newusernamethatdoesntexi (Jun 15, 2013)

Mr Bacon said:


> What can I say? When I wake up, wash my face, and stare at my reflection in the mirror, I like what I see. Does it make me an arrogant d*uche if I'm not insecure about my looks? :bat


yes, everyone should be depressed about the way they look.


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## Secretaz (Sep 10, 2011)

No. I'd only get rid of feeling embarrassed of my looks, but i'd still have this awful SA and depression. I wouldn't get any more social and talkative even if i looked super hot, i'd keep avoiding people and stay a loner just like i've almost always been.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

The thread title, in relation to the first poll option, seen to cause many unnecessary arguments in this thread:

"Do you think your problems would be _solved_ if you were hot?"

"Yes, I think being more attractive would _improve_ my life"

I think it's pretty obvious to most people that it's not a negative to be good-looking, but it's not some sort of "cure" for social anxiety or other problems which have nothing to do with your appearance.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

It was 32°C(90°F) outside today. It didn't make my problems go away.

And no, being pretty to look at wouldn't cure my ****ed up mind.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

I kind of thought that if you were hot how could you have social anxiety but i'm realizing that it doesn't mean shi-


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Small simple sample. It's true.
> 
> Of course. I don't think anyone is implying that being hot is the fix to all problems of life, or that an ugly person can't have a great life and a beautiful looking person have a **** life. That's obvious.
> 
> ...


what if, say, you long for a person to share your life with, and you know have a lot to offer in a relationship, to the right person, but all you seem to attract are people who literally just want to screw you and that's it?

what I'm saying is, it just isn't that simple. whatever cards you're "dealt" is irrelevant to me. Life isn't that simple. no one gets "dealt" the same cards, or the same mentality, or the same _perceptions_. or the same anything. my experience is going to be very different from yours, from hers, from his. and vice versa.

what we are talking about is whatever we think we are. you think you're not as attractive? and that if you were attractive some things would be easier?

I'm not sure. what if you're kind of a negative person anyway? and you're attractive? what's to keep you from beating the dead horse of "if only I were smarter, I'd have gotten x or y" or "if only I'd been taller, I'd have an easier time achieving x or y"....

you posit the argument "being attractive is going to make some things easier", I'm saying it's not all it's cracked up to be, in my experience.

then comes in the qualifier: "given the same start in life" or "same cards" whatever that means.

let's face it: whatever we believe we lack, we will see that in others and say they MUST have it easier.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Parsnip said:


> No. A pretty exterior does not fix faulty wiring.


This.

You might feel better about the way you look, but if you have other issues going on, it won't fix that.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

No not at all. I was more fit and exercised when I was younger and I was still really depressed.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I would rather have more confidence, in my opinion, it's how you carry yourself that attracts others. Not necessarily how deeply beautiful and mysterious you look.. just comfortable with yourself.


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## Ben12 (Jul 8, 2009)

I'm curious as to the people who said "No, I'm don't think it would make a difference" understand what they are saying. To those people, do you just not care about looks? Or do you not realize how society views a good looking person vs an ugly one. Wouldn't you rather act and feel like the alpha male or female rather than just a beta?

Sure maybe it's not good to have looks that are 10/10 because as someone already pointed out, supermodels tend to develop low self esteems and body issues. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we should vote for "No" assuming that looks mean nothing. You could easily make the same argument about someone who's not hot. Those people as well can develop low self esteem and body issues.

Edit: Yes I agree, looks aren't everything. Confidence, intelligence, having a sense of humor, and how you present yourself are also important. However wouldn't you rather have all of those qualities while at the same time being the alpha male or female? Being attractive and likeable not just on a social level but also on a sexual level as well. I mean come on ... We all have needs.


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## Ben12 (Jul 8, 2009)

Thankyou ... Thankyou!


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

looks are important but not that important.



Ben12 said:


> *I'm curious as to the people who said "No, I'm don't think it would make a difference" understand what they are saying. To those people, do you just not care about looks? Or do you not realize how society views a good looking person vs an ugly one. Wouldn't you rather act and feel like the alpha male or female rather than just a beta?*
> 
> Sure maybe it's not good to have looks that are 10/10 because as someone already pointed out, supermodels tend to develop low self esteems and body issues. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we should vote for "No" assuming that looks mean nothing. You could easily make the same argument about someone who's not hot. Those people as well can develop low self esteem and body issues.
> 
> Edit: Yes I agree, looks aren't everything. Confidence, intelligence, having a sense of humor, and how you present yourself are also important. However wouldn't you rather have all of those qualities while at the same time being the alpha male or female? Being attractive and likeable not just on a *social level *but also on a sexual level as well. I mean come on ... We all have needs.


of course. everything matters.


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## Vegadad (Aug 19, 2012)

You are still you despite your looks.


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## Ben12 (Jul 8, 2009)

Vegadad said:


> You are still you despite your looks.


Of course. But when we have people struggling with self esteem, confidence and depression, improving upon looks might go a long way.

I'm not trying to give the impression that we should start thinking about looks in an all or nothing frame of mind. It's a slippery slope to start thinking that "Oh I'm not good looking, therefore I can't be popular or likeable" or "Since I'm not good looking, I can't expect myself to ever get into a relationship." Those two examples are both irrational and therefore its not necessarily the looks that need improving upon, but the way you view and think about your looks.

The point I'm trying to make is, if you don't have issues with the way you look, then great. That's the way you should feel. However when you have people who are insecure about there looks, you must admit, the idea of having better looks would greatly improve a lot of things.

So I suppose its not just looks that should be improved upon. You also need the emotional intelligence and baggage that comes with it to be added in.

Therefore we shouldn't ignore or undermine the value that we have and feel about our looks.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

Lol, I wish my problems were solved that easily.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Probably slightly. It would boost my self esteem a little, at the very least.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I don't think it would solve all my problems but think it would have given me many more opportunities.


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## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

Not in the slightest. My problems are more than skin-deep. I think they'd be solved if I had a new brain. I'd vote yes to that one.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

It would probably make things easier socially, but it could also create a lot of problems I don't have currently (or at least to as an extreme degree), such as feeling a lack of worth in my personality, or being taken advantage of. If I were born attractive, maybe I would be a bit better off because I would be approached from a young age, thus exposing me to social learning experiences that would result in little to no social anxiety at my current age. However, if I suddenly became attractive in my teens or even preteens...well, I wouldn't have developed my social skills and so my attractiveness would be a useless tool.


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## Jason 1 (Jul 26, 2012)

It would have helped... but now it's too late. 

If I had been really attractive when I was a teenager, I would have had a girlfriend... and having a girlfriend would have prevented me from becoming depressed and ruining my life. Some people say that girls aren't that important... but they're wrong. Beautiful, nice girls are amazing :heart


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## lockS (Sep 15, 2011)

No, I don't think so...My life would improve more if I were smarter though. I wouldn't be embarrassed of opening my mouth and saying stupid sh*t.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

If I could afford plastic surgery, I wouldn't mind living a few more years. It would be a life saver.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

It would help get things started easier with the opposite sex, help with job interviews by giving a better first impression, lift my self-esteem and confidence. Hell yes it would help improve my life a lot!


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

The better you look, whether in terms of attractiveness or how you present yourself overall, makes you more approachable but it doesn't solve underlying issues.

I'm not ugly(though I could present myself better) & I don't find it to be some great benefit or influence


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

I think my problems would be different


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## losinghope (Mar 29, 2011)

It couldn't hurt. Not that I think it's all about looks but everyone has to admit if you feel attractive and in good shape it improves how you feel about yourself and can make you less socially anxious. Well it does for me anyway.


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## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

Definetly a no


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

No way would it change anything really.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

yes, I prefer money, but hotness works, maybe plus a race change


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## BreezyBre (Sep 4, 2013)

I used to think that if I was more attractive it would solve all my problems, but I don't think that way anymore. Also if it just magically happened I wouldn't know how to deal with the attention.


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## PandaBearx (May 26, 2013)

Nope not at all if anything it would get me attention, which I don't like, increasing my anxiety to go out.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

yeah..if I were hot id jump on that catwalk,and my problems would melt away...lol


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

tbh I dont think it would girls would be looking at me all the time and checking me out so no I would not like it


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## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

Wouldn't fix my anxiety, but it would certainly make things a little easier.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

No. I'm definitely far from hot but in my younger years, I'd say I was fairly normal looking. I wasn't ever good looking enough to have females throwing themselves at me out of the blue but I wasn't the worst looking person in any room either.

I typically didn't like most of the people I was surrounded by enough to try to fit in. And the few times when I did try, the more I got to know them, the less I liked them.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

Yeah, but if I were born pretty I'd be a different person, not necessarily better or worse but the insecurities I'd have about my look would be different and she never experienced how I feel about current me and neither did I about her.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I knew a girl who thought she was so "hot" that she had to continue her bulimia to stay under a certain weight to be attractive. I didn't and still don't find her attractive. So define hot. Everyone has a different idea of what that is, some people have sex with their "hot wife" imagining something else that is hot. the most attractive and famous/entitled people design miserable lots for themselves within self-destructive thinking and behavior. some may be "hot," but we're all human.


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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

I voted yes. Most of my SA is due to my appearance (height, weight, overall attractiveness). Fact is good-looking people are treated better, respected, basically ascribed all sorts of positive attributes by others simply because they are good-looking. It wouldn't solve all my problems, but it would solve a lot of them.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

trying to change the external with the internal doesn't work. imo you can be really attractive and still have low/poor self esteem, poor social skills, no friends, depression, anxiety, ocd, be taken advantage of, lack confidence, etc. No one is immune to rejection and depression. In general yeah youll be treated better but their are exceptions.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

CopadoMexicano said:


> trying to change the external with the internal doesn't work. imo you can be really attractive and still have low/poor self esteem, poor social skills, no friends, depression, anxiety, ocd, be taken advantage of, lack confidence, etc. No one is immune to rejection and depression. In general yeah youll be treated better but their are exceptions.


That's not true countless studies have proven that plastic surgery results in self confidence


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Zeeshan said:


> That's not true countless studies have proven that plastic surgery results in self confidence


Yeah but self confidence is a psychological phenomenon. If you have a mental disorder u wont have much luck. true pathologies are not caused by looks or physical traits. rather negative beliefs and thinking in most cases.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

CopadoMexicano said:


> Yeah but self confidence is a psychological phenomenon. If you have a mental disorder u wont have much luck. true pathologies are not caused by looks or physical traits. rather negative beliefs and thinking in most cases.


Beliefs largely come from society's beliefs about you.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Zeeshan said:


> Beliefs largely come from society's beliefs about you.


Yeah if you accept it. Its not what people think, its what you know. Too many people imo focus too much on looks when it isnt _that _important.


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