# Tired of losing friends



## Lonernotbychoice (Jul 4, 2015)

Hello - i have had social anxiety issues since childhood. I had very few friends growing up. Only 1 real friend all the way to high school (the other 2 were cousins so that doesn't really count) and luckily i still call her my friend today. 2 real friends in college - both i see once a year, we mostly text and facebook in between. During the last few years i joined a church and met a few special people there and made 3 friends. My issue is i have such a hard time calling people up to make plans. I am always afraid of getting rejected due to some negative experiences with friends ignoring me or being thoughtless or one way friendships in the past. The girls from church are good people though so i am able to let my guard down with them.

Any how-i have been quite devastated by this friend i became very close to at church (1 out of the 3). She has been the closest to a best friend i have had in a while. Well, all was great while she was single. Very thoughtful friend, always hanging out, emailing, texting. She met a guy and completely dropped me like a bad habit. Now she only calls when she needs something. They got married and i have been completely forgotten. Also - if we are to hang out, husband needs to be present and i find him annoying as hell. I usually decline if he is to be around because i miss my 1-on-1 time as friends and i don't want to be a 3rd wheel. I don't have that many local friends to begin with so losing this one is very devastating. 

I also find myself doing the chasing around with new friends. I can only do that a little bit. Don't want to seem desperate, needy or clingy.

I want some long term friendships and i feel that people want to hang out with me for a bit until something more important comes along. 

Im married and have a kid but still need friends. 

I am sure people have bigger issues than mine but i get very bummed when nobody is calling, emailing, texting to check on me or inviting
Me to stuff. 

Thanks for letting me vent and throw my pity party!


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

:hb:drunk I hope you're ready for guests!

I'm in a somewhat similar situation in that I go to church and have met some thoughtful and friendly people, but am afraid about keeping up for fear of being too needy.

With non-SA people, I always seem to either enter into a mentor-mentee relationship in which I feel like I'm taking up their time and not giving enough back, or we're just acquaintances and we're not gonna go out of our way to spend time together. I don't really know how to go about meeting up with people, since it always seems as though they have other stuff going on without me and I'd merely be butting in. 

It's annoying because I'm much different with my SA friends and do most of the planning about getting together and can be casual, while they also put effort into it and seem to enjoy it. So, I want to take what I have with them and hopefully apply that more; and maybe there are aspects of how you've gotten along with those 3 and your family that you can bring into other friendships. 

Feel free to send me a private message if you want someone to talk to.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*and employers too*

I never reject anyone

cast away

I am unenlightened on the *reasons why* it happens to me.

That's all I need. No disclosure is pure torture. Did they want me to kill myself?

All the treading stones made in life evaporated behind me

like they never existed but they did.

One loss is about to happen. I'm professional at seeing it coming. Blip on radar

Every time I meet & greet
since the very first time, I know the link will disappear within 12 hours, or maximum 2.5 years. My DNA is saturated with hatred

I run out of food too.

Too late to shift paradigm. Although violence might have been rewarding

Actually, one entity I've always had heavy constant communication I've had with is my bank account. That's never run away from me yet. It might. I don't expect a reason

mmmmmm... one organisation that hasn't booted me out yet, is my beloved gym on university campus. I was there today :grin2:
best feeling in a day. I use my touchless card pass to let me in.

When Every company I've worked at used that method. A time came when I didn't have Windows login from home or at desk. That's office politics artillery to blank me out. No way to show the work I've done for the boss to see. It comes early. Fingers don't allow access.

I might want to ask at gym front desk 'Why haven't you chucked me out yet?' I might get the first reason ever.


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

I was sort of semi-trolling.. semi serious.. when trying to make friends.. but it sort of backfires.. haha

I m gonna cool it for a while and focus on other things.. 

But i know what you mean..


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

You got make some effort to maintain the friendships you do have, its worth the effort even if you get "rejected" sometimes. Its also simple enough to talk to them on your own initiative, especially if you add them on skype or facebook (if you don't like facebook I understand, it's just an option).

If you haven't spoken for a while, try breaking the silence sometime. Friendship is a two way street.

Friendship is like gardening, even when the seeds are planted you have to do the work to maintain and grow it


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Lonernotbychoice said:


> My issue is i have such a hard time calling people up to make plans. I am always afraid of getting rejected due to some negative experiences with friends ignoring me or being thoughtless or one way friendships in the past.
> 
> I also find myself doing the chasing around with new friends. I can only do that a little bit. Don't want to seem desperate, needy or clingy.


Exactly. My whole life I had such a hard time balancing the two, since one always work against the other. Still a puzzle I have yet to crack.


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