# What are you doing to get a guy?



## SilentLyric

This is a positive thread for girls to set goals when it comes to talking to guys (or to girls if you're lesbian). I'm not saying every girl here is at a point where they feel the need to constantly approach guys or try to find that special someone, but if you are frustrated with your lack of experience and you want to do something about it or you have had some success but want to take it to the next level, then this is a thread to post your experiences, successes, trials, tips, or questions about it.

Basically, I want this to be a motivational tool to allow girls to focus more on what they really want. For example: you see the guy of your dreams (physically at least) walking down the street, and you do nothing about it. Why? What stopped you from approaching him? Would you rather regret not talking to someone who you could eventually end up with, or take a chance and lose nothing in the process? I want those kinds of experiences to be posted, and then turned around into goals: "Next time I see a guy like that, I will talk to him." And then later on come back here and talk about what happened when you did.

EDIT:
------
Some resources for this subject (let me know if you have others and I will add to the list):
Simple Pickup - less PUA and more down-to-earth and fun
Simple Pickup (Youtube)
***DISCLAIMER***
--------------------
A lot of you girls are posting about how it is hopeless, how you'll never succeed with men, etc. I don't really want this to be a thread about how you have no chance. We all have a chance, and a good one too. If you're going to post about how miserable your dating life is, then at least tell us about the last time you really TRIED to approach a guy, and what happened. Then we can talk about what to do about it, how to improve for next time.

Also, anyone who mentions how UGLY or HIDEOUS they are to males, no one believes you. Either post a pic backing up your statement so we can give your look constructive criticism, or complain about it in one of the many "I am ugwy, feel for me" threads around this site.


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## Moongirlie

i go out, meet people, volunteer, meet people there too, i meet people at work, i meet people thru friends, Ive even used dating sites, eharmony, match, ive approached at least one guy in the past 4 years that i remember. Ive met a lot of guys these ways... at least 4 this past year that there was "potential" with... but its really hard for there to be interest that doesnt fade and its also hard to develop that connection with most guys... i don't want to say I give up, but in the past 4 yrs, i have only dates one guy who i felt that connection with and that had to end bc of issues that couldnt be reconciled....

At this point, im kinda exhausted. I dont have enough energy to go on sites, and i really dont think that would work for me. Ive done approaching, i even posted about it. strange experience, not doing that again. I think im gonna try just waiting for it to fall in my lap to be honest... lol


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## rymo

-_-


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## meganmila

^ :/


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## meeps

rymo said:


> -_-


Seriously! Everyone knows women don't even have to try, men will just fall into their laps, even if they have crippling social anxiety. How dare this thread exist!

:roll


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## leonardess

^thus leading them down the road of a reactionary life rather than one in which they are active participants, the determinants of their own fate or happiness. Seldom satisfactory, let alone joyful.

I know you're being jokingly sarcastic - I just want to point that out for the potential audience of this thread.


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## Ape in space

meeps said:


> Seriously! Everyone knows women don't even have to try, men will just fall into their laps, even if they have crippling social anxiety. How dare this thread exist!
> 
> :roll


http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-girl-186863/


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## meeps

Ape in space said:


> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-girl-186863/


I didn't notice that the OP was an exact replica. lol


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## Moongirlie

meeps said:


> Seriously! Everyone knows women don't even have to try, men will just fall into their laps, even if they have crippling social anxiety. How dare this thread exist!
> 
> :roll


who knows what will work for some people


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## Moongirlie

leonardess said:


> ^thus leading them down the road of a reactionary life rather than one in which they are active participants, the determinants of their own fate or happiness. Seldom satisfactory, let alone joyful.
> 
> I know you're being jokingly sarcastic - I just want to point that out for the potential audience of this thread.


What if you believe in the philosophy of determinism? Also, who is to say that after taking a lot of action, making the decision to stop taking action, is not an active choice?

Even if you always operate on the basis of reaction, then it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't taking life into your own hands.


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## StevenGlansberg

why this start by boy


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## visualkeirockstar

Nothing. I'm not gay.


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## Moongirlie

StevenGlansberg said:


> why this start by boy


maybe hes bored and curious what people will say?:teeth


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## MNM

if its meant to be, it will happen
i dont go looking for guys to date. just new people to say hi to and see what happens


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## Moongirlie

visualkeirockstar said:


> Nothing. I'm not gay.


great.. now i know theres one more str8 guy out there... yay :teeth


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## Zeeshan

:-!

women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


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## Moongirlie

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


that depends on your standards... if ur willing to accept any guy, then sure... most girls would be taken.. but alotta times, guys overestimate the interest a girl may have for them and that is why they get rejected.

Theres a study that indicates that the most attractive the girl is to a guy, the more likely he is to overestimate her attraction to him simply based on his desire. :sus


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## Canucklehead

Moongirlie said:


> Theres a study that indicates that the most attractive the girl is to a guy, the more likely he is to overestimate her attraction to him simply based on his desire. :sus


I highly doubt that applies to us men that have social anxiety disorder. :teeth


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## Moongirlie

Canucklehead said:


> I highly doubt that applies to us men that have social anxiety disorder. :teeth


valid point....in fact... those guys for sure dont have SA from my experience. Also, there are alot more attractive guys who I know for sure are shy or have SA that just agonize too much over making a move. So, I bet they would probably be more successful than they estimate.


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## Visionary

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


I'm chubby and I don't even have to do anything to get guys talking to me. Though... I do wear a horrid camo hoodie, but I don't really care since my bf doesn't care.


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## SilentLyric

rymo said:


> -_-


If the guys have a thread, then girls should have one too. It's only fair. You don't think girls have trouble? I mean its like 40 pages now so it must be helpful. Why not give some help for the females?


leonardess said:


> ^thus leading them down the road of a reactionary life rather than one in which they are active participants, the determinants of their own fate or happiness. Seldom satisfactory, let alone joyful.
> 
> I know you're being jokingly sarcastic - I just want to point that out for the potential audience of this thread.


Actually this is serious. But the girls version.


StevenGlansberg said:


> why this start by boy


No one made a female equilivant yet, so I decided to do it myself.


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## Thinkerbell

Nada. I don't think about dating or um "getting a guy" much. If I see someone physically attractive walking down the street, I would have no urge to approach him. I know nothing about him besides his face.


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## PopulationOfZero

I do nothing, because I am a guy LOL :boogie (I apologize.. saw the thread from the home page and so I just had to make a joke..)


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## leonardess

SilentLuke said:


> If the guys have a thread, then girls should have one too. It's only fair. You don't think girls have trouble? I mean its like 40 pages now so it must be helpful. Why not give some help for the females?
> 
> Actually this is serious. But the girls version.
> 
> No one made a female equilivant yet, so I decided to do it myself.


yeah, I got that. subtle as it was.

extreme timidity brings another dimension to interaction between the sexes and I was naming one that is often overlooked, if not unknown entirely.

carry on, all.


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## Nada

Thinkerbell said:


> Nada. I don't think about dating or um "getting a guy" much. If I see someone physically attractive walking down the street, I would have no urge to approach him. I know nothing about him besides his face.


Did you call for me??? :teeth


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## pineapplebun

Moongirlie said:


> that depends on your standards... if ur willing to accept any guy, then sure... most girls would be taken.. but alotta times, *guys overestimate the interest a girl may have for them *and that is why they get rejected.
> 
> Theres a study that indicates that the most attractive the girl is to a guy, the more likely he is to overestimate her attraction to him simply based on his desire. :sus


That has happened, especially with male friends. It makes things really awkward and I just start to think, you're full of yourself -_-. No, I am NOT hitting on you, I'm being friendly. No, I do not have any ulterior motivation behind asking you what kind of workouts I should do to get fit, that is not me hitting on you. They may be hot, they may be good friends, but doesn't mean I'd think they would make good boyfriends. Gosh no! No offense to them, some of them would make horrible boyfriends or actually are.

As for dating, not interested. I'm using this time to work on myself. It's not just about finding the right person, but being the right person to enter a relationship.


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## SnowFlakesFire

What I should do?


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## awkwardsilent

Getting drunk frequently. I'm only joking...

Well kind of I'm more free and flirty when intoxicated and 'forget' that I'm unnatractive. 

But mostly I am working on me, trying to become a better person. Physically (struggling to lose weight/body fat). Rekindling my interests. Getting help for my depression /anxiety. Trying to fix me up a little. I grew my hair longer etc. 

Since I can't find any guys I like at my 'level' I need to improve myself, and then start looking harder.


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## Skttrbrain

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


Ummm no.

I'm thin and I have the worst luck with guys. Most of my overweight, female friends are in long-term relationships.


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## CourtneyB

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


Please tell me you were being sarcastic....



rymo said:


> -_-


Your thread was popular, why not make a female version?


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## rymo

CourtneyB said:


> Your thread was popular, why not make a female version?


I have no issue with that, but he could have at least refrained from copying my opening post verbatim.


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## meganmila

Nothing lol...I don't do the online thing anymore. I just don't care. It would be nice to have the courage to flirt with hot guys but I dunno how. I don't think it would be safe to go to bars and get tipsy...yes I'm paranoid. So in the past I just met people online then met them in real life...also could be dangerous...really anything is dangerous blahh..


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## bsd3355

how to approach a guy?

1. Ask him if he's a mind reader

2. When he asks why tell him because you can see yourself in his pants

end.


wait...


that's wrong


Say YOU must be a mind reader because you can see yourself in his pants? idk...


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## Canucklehead

Just walk up to a guy and tell him you are thinking about having a blowjob competition, and you would like him to be the judge.

Tell him you are the only competitor.

This method has a 100% success rate.


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## deltarain8

bwidger85 said:


> how to approach a guy?
> 
> 1. Ask him if he's a mind reader
> 
> 2. When he asks why tell him because you can see yourself in his pants
> 
> end.
> 
> wait...
> 
> that's wrong
> 
> Say YOU must be a mind reader because you can see yourself in his pants? idk...





Canucklehead said:


> Just walk up to a guy and tell him you are thinking about having a blowjob competition, and you would like him to be the judge.
> 
> Tell him you are the only competitor.
> 
> This method has a 100% success rate.


Finally, pick-up lines for the fairer sex.:clap

I just can't see myself asking a guy out. I guess I just hope that one day he'll just look at me and realize that we are meant to be together...

I will die alone :blank


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## awkwardsilent

Lol @ the pickup lines. Things you would never say lol.  cute tho.


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## tbyrfan

MNM said:


> if its meant to be, it will happen
> i dont go looking for guys to date. just new people to say hi to and see what happens


+1!!


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## TPower

komorikun said:


> It's easy to get laid but hard to get a boyfriend.


Depends on how picky you are.


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## veron

komorikun said:


> I'm not doing anything now but in the past I went to extreme measures to meet guys. I moved to countries where I found the men to be attractive and knew that I would be more of a *hot commodity* than here.


Girl, you are my hero :nw

Ok, I feel kind of stupid for posting this, but I'm finding myself to be strangely curious about a guy I know from a different forum. This is a local forum, so thankfully, he's reasonably within my location. The forum is also about a rather specific subject matter, not related to mental health at all.

Anyhow... I first noticed him when he quoted some of my posts. He was really funny, made me laugh  I looked at some of his other posts, and it seemed like we might have a lot in common. We even exchanged 2 PM's, but it was strictly "business," ie. about the subject matter at hand.

I'd like to send him a message and possibly start a conversation... which could eventually lead to us meeting face to face. But the thing is, everyone on the forum posts things exclusively related to the forum's subject matter; we don't post about our personal lives much. It would be very awkward for me to send him a message asking a personal question. Any tips on what to write?


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## theseventhkey

meeps said:


> Seriously! Everyone knows women don't even have to try, men will just fall into their laps, even if they have crippling social anxiety. How dare this thread exist!
> 
> :roll


Lol, I was thinking the same f&^%ing thing.:blank


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## meganmila

Well it is hard to keep a dude..in my experience. I know I'm not everyone's type so I don't expect guys to fall into my lap. I get the guys I'm not fully attracted to anyways.


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## gusstaf

I think the "girls don't have to do anything" is a bit of a myth. While guys are more likely to do the approaching (which, I think has more to do with society dictating guys to go on the "chase"), it does help a lot if women show some sort of signal. Super shy girls often come across as cold or b****y and thus may be less likely to get dates. 

Interestingly, I have found that the whole "they come when you don't expect it" thing is sometimes true. I used to just pass it off as a cheesy saying, but I was downtown for a bit yesterday looking like a bum in sweats, glasses and messy hair and was hit on by some random guy while waiting for the bus. He was several years younger than me, but still...I was surprised.


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## stoolie

komorikun said:


> San Francisco was a mistake.


I'm curious. Why was San Francisco a mistake for you? Bad dating scene?


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## SnowFlakesFire

I lost my weight
Got plastic surgery
fullfilled my ***
Won a lottery
Bought a sporting car


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## deltarain8

veron said:


> I'd like to send him a message and possibly start a conversation... which could eventually lead to us meeting face to face. But the thing is, everyone on the forum posts things exclusively related to the forum's subject matter; we don't post about our personal lives much. It would be very awkward for me to send him a message asking a personal question. Any tips on what to write?


I'm the last person who should be giving out dating advice but here it comes... 
The next you message, briefly start off by mentioning the topic of the forum. then causally get personal.
example: 
"I love that actor too, did you know that his first role was as an extra in a [blank] movie? ever seen it?"

Also, THIS IS THE INTERNET. Don't be scared. As long as you remain a username and a cat avatar, you'll be okay. If things get awkward you never have to see him.


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## pastels

Im just gunna kidnap some cute guy throw him in the back of a truck bring him home and make him fall inlove with me and we will live happily ever after


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## SnowFlakesFire

pastels said:


> Im just gunna kidnap some cute guy throw him in the back of a truck bring him home and make him fall inlove with me and we will live happily ever after


I tried this. He ran away :cry


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## pastels

Girl next time taser him and tie him up double knots i just picked up the guy he aint goin anywhere!


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## SnowFlakesFire

pastels said:


> Girl next time taser him and tie him up double knots i just picked up the guy he aint goin anywhere!


Thanks, next time I will tie him up tighter


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## stoolie

SnowFlakesFire said:


> I tried this. He ran away :cry


Well, don't lower lotion down to him in a basket then.


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## kilgoretrout

Nothing much. Yoga pants.


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## River In The Mountain

Going to dress as a mermaid and sit on a rock in the ocean reciting poetry.


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## Zeeshan

kilgoretrout said:


> Nothing much. Yoga pants.


i predict this will work.


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## Paper Samurai

pastels said:


> Im just gunna kidnap some cute guy throw him in the back of a truck bring him home and make him fall inlove with me and we will live happily ever after





SnowFlakesFire said:


> I tried this. He ran away :cry


I'm going to recommend this movie to pick up some pointers :


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## deltarain8

holy **** I need to see that movie!


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## Garretoo

kilgoretrout said:


> Nothing much. Yoga pants.


Yep. God damn they are hot.


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## pastels

Paper Samurai said:


> I'm going to recommend this movie to pick up some pointers :


the girl in the pink dress is my role model!!!!!!!!hahahahhaa:boogie:boogie


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## Canucklehead

Every single chick in Vancouver wears lulu lemon.

I like good old fashioned tight jeans.


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## SnowFlakesFire

Paper Samurai said:


> I'm going to recommend this movie to pick up some pointers :


That is horror, I cannot watch


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## komorikun

veron said:


> Girl, you are my hero :nw
> 
> Ok, I feel kind of stupid for posting this, but I'm finding myself to be strangely curious about a guy I know from a different forum. This is a local forum, so thankfully, he's reasonably within my location. The forum is also about a rather specific subject matter, not related to mental health at all.
> 
> Anyhow... I first noticed him when he quoted some of my posts. He was really funny, made me laugh  I looked at some of his other posts, and it seemed like we might have a lot in common. We even exchanged 2 PM's, but it was strictly "business," ie. about the subject matter at hand.
> 
> I'd like to send him a message and possibly start a conversation... which could eventually lead to us meeting face to face. But the thing is, everyone on the forum posts things exclusively related to the forum's subject matter; we don't post about our personal lives much. It would be very awkward for me to send him a message asking a personal question. Any tips on what to write?


Thanks. You're so sweet.

I really don't know too much about sending good PMs. Maybe you should make a thread about it here. I guess you could say, "hey we have this in common blah blah." and then ask him a question. It's always easier to get a convo going by asking questions.


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## Moongirlie

veron said:


> Ok, I feel kind of stupid for posting this, but I'm finding myself to be strangely curious about a guy I know from a different forum. This is a local forum, so thankfully, he's reasonably within my location. The forum is also about a rather specific subject matter, not related to mental health at all.
> 
> Anyhow... I first noticed him when he quoted some of my posts. He was really funny, made me laugh  I looked at some of his other posts, and it seemed like we might have a lot in common. We even exchanged 2 PM's, but it was strictly "business," ie. about the subject matter at hand.
> 
> I'd like to send him a message and possibly start a conversation... which could eventually lead to us meeting face to face. But the thing is, everyone on the forum posts things exclusively related to the forum's subject matter; we don't post about our personal lives much. It would be very awkward for me to send him a message asking a personal question. Any tips on what to write?


I would just PM him the same way you have before about a "business" matter. But then gradually turn that conversation more personal... it would be easier to do this via chat. You could ask for advice and take the opportunity to turn the convo more personal.. by "accident".. heheheh :evil


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## brownzerg

trust me i'm not an expert but I would echo the advice of asking him a question. 
I find myself when trying to get to know someone better than I'm attracted to, I am the only one doing the asking. That just gives me vibes that she isn't interested.


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## veron

Thanks to everyone who gave advice. Well, as luck would have it, somebody is organizing a local meet-up. I replied to that topic, saying that I would probably attend. He didn't reply. So I went ahead and PM-ed him, inviting him to join us in. God, it never took me this long to click the friggin send button. I hope I wasn't too blunt and that I didn't scare him off :um We'll see how it goes, lol


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## awkwardsilent

Crossing fingers for you veron!


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## veron

^Thanks

Well, he hasn't replied. Not interested, I guess  :rain


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## Fruitcake

I have been studying evolutionary & sexual psychology to figure out how to manipulate the man I like into my bed. So far this is what I've learned:
The scent of the pheromones emitted by a woman when she is ovulating is arousing to men, and they find her more attractive around this time.
Wearing red makes anyone a little bit sexier.
When you're in a situation that makes you fearful, like watching a horror movie, your brain mistakes your symptoms of fear (quickened heartbeat etc.) for indicators of sexual arousal and this makes you more attracted to the person you're with.
People are horniest in the morning.
Men like boobies and stuff like that.
So, my plan of attack based on this research:
1. Plan out my monthly cycle to figure out when I am most fertile.
2. Wear a red cloak (because I don't have many red clothes).
3. Lick one of the photos I have of him on my wall, for good luck.
4. Go to his house in the early morning.
4. Climb through his window and scare the **** out of him with a huge knife so he gets really horny. Maybe I'll wear a red mask so he doesn't feel assured by the fact that he knows me. And I'll shout a bit if the knife isn't scaring him enough.
5. Take off my cloak and show him my boobies and stuff like that.
6. Have amazing sexytiem.
7. Make sure the sex is awesome enough that he comes back for more.


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## stoolie

Epic post 
"Men like boobies and stuff like that."
I can see you know what you're talking about.


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## awkwardsilent

@Fruitcake - LMFAO that's hilarious

@veron - aww well you tried right? So I give you a gold star for the effort!


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## veron

^Thank you dear 

Apparently I spoke too soon! He replied. He's not going to the meet-up, but oh well, at least I received a reply.


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## arnie

@Fruitcake

Damn, you cracked our code. No we are all powerless to resist you. :b


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## Garretoo

fruitcake.. that is.. simply amazing.


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## Barette

LOL @ Fruitcake's post XD

As for me, I'm doing absolutely nothing to get a guy and am more than happy with that.


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## srschirm

rymo said:


> -_-


LOL


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## nautilus

I actually asked out a guy I've been talking to in my dance class on Tuesday  I wasn't super classy or anything, but I did way better than I have in the past. I said, "By the way *awkward pause*, I was thinking maybe I could take you out to lunch sometime." He said yes, though he didn't seem particularly enthusiastic. On the other hand, he didn't hesitate or seem unsure, just kind of... neutral. He gave me his number after class, and I finally worked up the courage to call this evening (which of course involves things like writing out conversation keywords and the potential voice mail verbatim, getting the shakes and drinking a ridiculous amount of water for my dry throat).

It turned out to be a wrong number. I have to keep reminding myself it could have been a mistake... I mean, he told me the number while I entered it into my phone...although I did ask him if it was right. I guess I'll have to figure out a way to bring it up (in case it was a mistake) without coming across as too pushy (in case it wasn't). :sigh This may be another one of those painful experiences. Oh well.


Long term goals: Find a compromise between looking for a guy patient enough to date me with my questionable social skills and need for taking things slow, and trying to communicate better myself and acting sooner and more often.


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## probably offline

absolutely nothing(because I barely go out anymore)


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## deltarain8

nautilus said:


> It turned out to be a wrong number.


bummer. but you put yourself out there so U GO GIRL!:clap



nautilus said:


> guess I'll have to figure out a way to bring it up (in case it was a mistake) without coming across as too pushy (in case it wasn't)


maybe him ask "by the way what's your phone number again"? It's a very causally way to get a number the second time. I've try this (not with a guy) and it works.

lol @ Fruitcake... red cloak.


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## nautilus

deltarain8 said:


> bummer. but you put yourself out there so U GO GIRL!:clap
> 
> maybe him ask "by the way what's your phone number again"? It's a very causally way to get a number the second time. I've try this (not with a guy) and it works.


Thanks  Yeah, I should probably just keep it short and simple. It's the short interactions I have the hardest time with; I always wish I could be more clear or give more information, but it's hard to do that without being ridiculously verbose. Supposedly that's what body language is for, but I don't exactly give off accurate signals... I guess whatever happens I can chalk it up to more experience.


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## TPower

As expected, girls aren't doing much to get a guy.


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## komorikun

All that time spent on hair, makeup, clothes, dieting, shaving/waxing could be considered as doing something to get a guy. If I were not into guys I'd just cut my hair very short and pig out on junk food everyday. I really do not care about what I look like terribly.


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## sas111

Nothing anymore, I clued in & gave up after all my attempts screwed me up mentally even more.

I can't compare to other girls anyhow, I don't got much to contribute in conversation, I'm terribly vacant after being left alone for so many years.

I won't be doing a thing to get a guy now..I'm useless.


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## veron

TPower said:


> As expected, TPower knows nothing about women.


There, I fixed it for you


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## olschool

Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"? fricking females have it easy,, all they do is sit and reject guys all day


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## TPower

veron said:


> There, I fixed it for you


All I'm saying is this thread is nowhere near as active as the other.


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## srschirm

veron said:


> There, I fixed it for you


TPower actually says a lot of factual things. He's honest.


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## awkwardsilent

Naw, Girls don't have it that easy, not the ugly ones BUT the difference for me is I'm trying to focus on making myself a better person because... right now I am not someone who a guy would WANT pursuing him. 

I'd be that annoying/creepy ugly chick. 

So I'm working on, becoming a better person, becoming happy with who I am. Working on getting in better physical condition. I will NEVER be a hottie but I could be a little LESS awful. Maybe then I'll try.


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## meganmila

It's true that this thread is not that active as the other one. There's lots of lonely men up in here..or women here are already in relationships or don't care about being in one.


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## nautilus

TPower said:


> All I'm saying is this thread is nowhere near as active as the other.


True enough. And I find that sad... but on the other hand, it _does_ exist, doesn't it? Maybe it'll serve as inspiration for more women to take initiative. Most of us don't grow up with the expectation from people around us that we'll "have to" ask guys out, whereas guys have that mentality pretty much burned into their heads from an early age. Not once did any of my friends or either of my parents suggest that I ask someone out. They seemed proud of me after the fact, but it wasn't like they encouraged it. Not that being pressured into it would have been fun either :/ But it still annoys me that it didn't even seem to occur to them.

The reason I'm willing to ask a guy out is because of this motto: Never expect something of someone else that you don't expect of yourself. I don't always have the courage to ask someone out, but if that's the case I have to remind myself not to expect the guy to ask _me_ out. If I _do_ expect them to, then it follows that I should expect the same of myself. It's just a matter of putting yourself in the other person's shoes.



olschool; said:


> Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"? fricking females have it easy,, all they do is sit and reject guys all day


Yes I do know what it's like, from personal experience. An us vs. them mentality won't help anything. For the record, I've cried as many tears over the guys I've had to reject as I have over the ones who have rejected me. Ultimately, though, it's impossible for everyone to go through life always wanting the same thing as everyone else. There's only so long I can beat myself up for not being able to give someone what they want.

But for what it's worth, I always give a guy a chance if I think there's even a possibility that I could be interested in him. Because I _do_ know what it's like to be written off right away. And if I already know for sure it wouldn't work, I try to let him know in the kindest way I can think of while still being honest and clear. Sometimes the truth sucks. Figuring out how to present the truth sucks. All we can do is treat each other with as much consideration as the situation allows.


----------



## brownzerg

nautilus said:


> True enough. And I find that sad... but on the other hand, it _does_ exist, doesn't it? Maybe it'll serve as inspiration for more women to take initiative. Most of us don't grow up with the expectation from people around us that we'll "have to" ask guys out, whereas guys have that mentality pretty much burned into their heads from an early age. Not once did any of my friends or either of my parents suggest that I ask someone out. They seemed proud of me after the fact, but it wasn't like they encouraged it. Not that being pressured into it would have been fun either :/ But it still annoys me that it didn't even seem to occur to them.
> 
> *The reason I'm willing to ask a guy out is because of this motto: Never expect something of someone else that you don't expect of yourself.* I don't always have the courage to ask someone out, but if that's the case I have to remind myself not to expect the guy to ask _me_ out. If I _do_ expect them to, then it follows that I should expect the same of myself. It's just a matter of putting yourself in the other person's shoes.
> 
> Yes I do know what it's like, from personal experience. An us vs. them mentality won't help anything. For the record, I've cried as many tears over the guys I've had to reject as I have over the ones who have rejected me. Ultimately, though, it's impossible for everyone to go through life always wanting the same thing as everyone else. There's only so long I can beat myself up for not being able to give someone what they want.
> 
> *But for what it's worth, I always give a guy a chance if I think there's even a possibility that I could be interested in him. Because I do know what it's like to be written off right away.* And if I already know for sure it wouldn't work, I try to let him know in the kindest way I can think of while still being honest and clear. Sometimes the truth sucks. Figuring out how to present the truth sucks. All we can do is treat each other with as much consideration as the situation allows.


This is all awesome but I put in bold what really resonated with me personally. I wish more and more people would think like you do, cause although some times it doesn't work and it does suck, that doesn't mean that their aren't fragile emotions at play and should be dealt with the utmost care.

The truth hurts but lies hurt deeper.


----------



## nautilus

brownzerg said:


> The truth hurts but lies hurt deeper.


Absolutely. Emotional pain heals cleaner when it feels like others understand, or at least didn't intend to cause it. The smallest sign of compassion from a friend, acquaintance, or stranger is enough to remind me that the world is not apathetic, provided I'm able to recognize it.


----------



## ohgodits2014

olschool said:


> Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"?


No, but I imagine it's as torturous as trying to figure out if someone you were flirting with was just having fun or if he was really into you (and if you should do anything about it).


----------



## deltarain8

olschool said:


> Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"? fricking females have it easy,, all they do is sit and reject guys all day











I wish I lived in that world. 
It's already been said by nautilus that asking someone out is hard for both guys and girls. For me, I know that if I want to have any control over my partners I have to go after them and not the other way around.


----------



## nautilus

Update on the guy I asked out last week (where I got a wrong number): A couple days ago before class, I said to him, "do you think I could get your number again? I seem to have entered it in wrong." I gave him my phone to enter it himself; he changed one digit and handed it back to me. I said I'd call it right then so he'd have my number too (a suggestion my dad gave me). I didn't hear anything, but after a few seconds he pointed to his backpack and said there it goes. :sus

Well, I'm 95% sure at this point that he's giving me the wrong number on purpose. Pretty weird considering that in the past, the guy was flirting with me so obviously that even _I _could tell. Technically I could call the new number just to find out, since I have nothing to lose at this point... but I honestly don't care enough anymore to do that. It's like my dad said, even if it was a mistake, _he's_ not doing anything to keep in contact, so there's no need for me to try calling again. Next! (I can move on more easily than I used to be able to; YAY!)

In other news, I tried to start a conversation with a random guy on the bus today. I saw him looking at me while I was waiting at the bus stop (and I thought he might have even smiled slightly), and he sat nearby when we got on. After a few seconds I mustered up my courage and said, "It feels like it's summer again..." I got a blank stare in return. Maybe he couldn't tell I was talking to him... I glanced around a bit, desperately looking for someone who might acknowledge my random statement, but everyone else was on their cell phones or listening to music. I felt like an idiot at the time, but oh well. Usually this method of making a random comment to nearby strangers at least elicits some kind of vague agreement, often more. But then, I've never tried this with a guy before. Maybe they react differently than girls?


----------



## anomalous

nautilus said:


> Update on the guy I asked out last week (where I got a wrong number): A couple days ago before class, I said to him, "do you think I could get your number again? I seem to have entered it in wrong." I gave him my phone to enter it himself; he changed one digit and handed it back to me. I said I'd call it right then so he'd have my number too (a suggestion my dad gave me). I didn't hear anything, but after a few seconds he pointed to his backpack and said there it goes. :sus
> 
> Well, I'm 95% sure at this point that he's giving me the wrong number on purpose. Pretty weird considering that in the past, the guy was flirting with me so obviously that even _I _could tell. Technically I could call the new number just to find out, since I have nothing to lose at this point... but I honestly don't care enough anymore to do that. It's like my dad said, even if it was a mistake, _he's_ not doing anything to keep in contact, so there's no need for me to try calling again. Next! (I can move on more easily than I used to be able to; YAY!)
> 
> In other news, I tried to start a conversation with a random guy on the bus today. I saw him looking at me while I was waiting at the bus stop (and I thought he might have even smiled slightly), and he sat nearby when we got on. After a few seconds I mustered up my courage and said, "It feels like it's summer again..." I got a blank stare in return. Maybe he couldn't tell I was talking to him... I glanced around a bit, desperately looking for someone who might acknowledge my random statement, but everyone else was on their cell phones or listening to music. I felt like an idiot at the time, but oh well. Usually this method of making a random comment to nearby strangers at least elicits some kind of vague agreement, often more. But then, I've never tried this with a guy before. Maybe they react differently than girls?


These guys should consider themselves lucky to have a girl putting in effort like that, and it's their loss if they jerk you around or ignore you. Regardless of the outcomes, it's a shame girls like you are so rare, especially for guys with SA.


----------



## squall78

olschool said:


> Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"? fricking females have it easy,, all they do is sit and reject guys all day


Well life is unfair but you gotta play the cards you're dealt. I'm sure women get approached more, but more of wanting to attract quality guys then whoever's approaching them. I'd be frustrated too if I was getting approached by girls I didn't want to date.


----------



## nautilus

anomalous said:


> These guys should consider themselves lucky to have a girl putting in effort like that, and it's their loss if they jerk you around or ignore you. Regardless of the outcomes, it's a shame girls like you are so rare, especially for guys with SA.


Thank you, that's really nice to hear  I wouldn't be too hard on the guy from the bus though; I'm not entirely sure I was even looking at him when I made my random comment, more like in his general direction. For all he knew I could have been schizophrenic and holding a conversation with "the voices"  Live and learn (note to self: eye contact).


----------



## Droidsteel

nautilus said:


> Update on the guy I asked out last week (where I got a wrong number): A couple days ago before class, I said to him, "do you think I could get your number again? I seem to have entered it in wrong." I gave him my phone to enter it himself; he changed one digit and handed it back to me. I said I'd call it right then so he'd have my number too (a suggestion my dad gave me). I didn't hear anything, but after a few seconds he pointed to his backpack and said there it goes. :sus
> 
> Well, I'm 95% sure at this point that he's giving me the wrong number on purpose. Pretty weird considering that in the past, the guy was flirting with me so obviously that even _I _could tell. Technically I could call the new number just to find out, since I have nothing to lose at this point... but I honestly don't care enough anymore to do that. It's like my dad said, even if it was a mistake, _he's_ not doing anything to keep in contact, so there's no need for me to try calling again. Next! (I can move on more easily than I used to be able to; YAY!)
> 
> In other news, I tried to start a conversation with a random guy on the bus today. I saw him looking at me while I was waiting at the bus stop (and I thought he might have even smiled slightly), and he sat nearby when we got on. After a few seconds I mustered up my courage and said, "It feels like it's summer again..." I got a blank stare in return. Maybe he couldn't tell I was talking to him... I glanced around a bit, desperately looking for someone who might acknowledge my random statement, but everyone else was on their cell phones or listening to music. I felt like an idiot at the time, but oh well. Usually this method of making a random comment to nearby strangers at least elicits some kind of vague agreement, often more. But then, I've never tried this with a guy before. Maybe they react differently than girls?


Why aren't there more girls like you around?


----------



## nautilus

Droidsteel said:


> Why aren't there more girls like you around?


I'm sure there are, we're just in hiding most of the time. Trying to fix that


----------



## elvin jones

olschool said:


> Girls,, do you know how torturous it is to build up enough conifidence and say " ok, im gonna talk to this chick"? fricking females have it easy,, all they do is sit and reject guys all day


This post is incredibly stupid.


----------



## Barette

^For real. Girls don't have a constant line of guys waiting for a chance to get a date with her.


----------



## elvin jones

Barette said:


> ^For real. Girls don't have a constant line of guys waiting for a chance to get a date with her.


I can see it happening to really good looking girls with an outgoing personality. It doesn't work if you don't have both. If she is good looking but seems mean or disinterested that will discourage guys. Even if she is really outgoing and fun if she is not attractive guys will just want her as a platonic friend.


----------



## olschool

elvin jones said:


> This post is incredibly stupid.


whatever elvin


----------



## Rossy

Barette said:


> ^For real. Girls don't have a constant line of guys waiting for a chance to get a date with her.


Im surprised you dont have a line of guys waiting


----------



## Fruitcake

nautilus said:


> Update on the guy I asked out last week (where I got a wrong number): A couple days ago before class, I said to him, "do you think I could get your number again? I seem to have entered it in wrong." I gave him my phone to enter it himself; he changed one digit and handed it back to me. I said I'd call it right then so he'd have my number too (a suggestion my dad gave me). I didn't hear anything, but after a few seconds he pointed to his backpack and said there it goes. :sus
> 
> Well, I'm 95% sure at this point that he's giving me the wrong number on purpose. Pretty weird considering that in the past, the guy was flirting with me so obviously that even _I _could tell. Technically I could call the new number just to find out, since I have nothing to lose at this point... but I honestly don't care enough anymore to do that. It's like my dad said, even if it was a mistake, _he's_ not doing anything to keep in contact, so there's no need for me to try calling again. Next! (I can move on more easily than I used to be able to; YAY!)
> 
> In other news, I tried to start a conversation with a random guy on the bus today. I saw him looking at me while I was waiting at the bus stop (and I thought he might have even smiled slightly), and he sat nearby when we got on. After a few seconds I mustered up my courage and said, "It feels like it's summer again..." I got a blank stare in return. Maybe he couldn't tell I was talking to him... I glanced around a bit, desperately looking for someone who might acknowledge my random statement, but everyone else was on their cell phones or listening to music. I felt like an idiot at the time, but oh well. Usually this method of making a random comment to nearby strangers at least elicits some kind of vague agreement, often more. But then, I've never tried this with a guy before. Maybe they react differently than girls?


Wait so you haven't called the second number he gave you? What if he gave you the correct number and thinks you're ignoring him now? And he wouldn't do anything to keep contact if he thought you had his number but decided not to call him.
Also with the talking to random strangers, yeah if someone did that near me I would have no idea who they were talking to and assume it was to themselves. And strangers often avoid eye contact so they might not know that you're looking at them. Brave of you though.


----------



## Fruitcake

As for what I am doing to get a guy, I've been putting a lot of effort into sorting through my line of men to see if any are worthy. Currently I have fourteen camping out at the back door, twenty-two at the front door and one trying to crawl in my bedroom window (I have to bop him on the head with my lamp every time he gets his leg through and reaches in close enough to stroke my hair).
Not a single one has stood out to me but I've only categorised them by looks and talents so far and next I'll find out their financial statuses. It's getting really difficult to concentrate on what I'm doing while having to constantly reject guys all the time. Plus some of the rejected ones are moping around in my garden and leaving trails of tears and dashed hopes. Thankfully there's no teenage boys at the moment, the younger ones always leave crumpled up love poems littered everywhere after I cast them aside. This one guy last year brought ten goats as an offering and the goats ate my underwear off the clothes line. I had to date a rich guy I didn't even like for two weeks after that so that he'd buy me more lingerie. But I guess that's just the way things are when you have a vagina.


----------



## Barette

^LOL


----------



## Guldove

Dita said:


> Nothing. I haven't found any good reasons why I should have a boyfriend.


I'm falling into this mindset lately. The "common denominator" theory pretty much states that I myself determine who I attract, but since I attract wonderful friends and horrible potential partners I'm not sure what about me is causing me to attract the people I do.

I'm putting off my search until I feel I can worry about more than my education, getting more work experience, becoming healthier, and making more friends so that I have a stable, offline support network. Maybe I'll get lucky, and that in itself will draw in guys who are above juggling multiple "friends."


----------



## northstar1991

manhunting :b


----------



## deltarain8

Fruitcake said:


> and one trying to crawl in my bedroom window (I have to bop him on the head with my lamp every time he gets his leg through and reaches in close enough to stroke my hair).


 another classic post.


----------



## squall78

Fruitcake said:


> As for what I am doing to get a guy, I've been putting a lot of effort into sorting through my line of men to see if any are worthy. Currently I have fourteen camping out at the back door, twenty-two at the front door and one trying to crawl in my bedroom window (I have to bop him on the head with my lamp every time he gets his leg through and reaches in close enough to stroke my hair).
> Not a single one has stood out to me but I've only categorised them by looks and talents so far and next I'll find out their financial statuses. It's getting really difficult to concentrate on what I'm doing while having to constantly reject guys all the time. Plus some of the rejected ones are moping around in my garden and leaving trails of tears and dashed hopes. Thankfully there's no teenage boys at the moment, the younger ones always leave crumpled up love poems littered everywhere after I cast them aside. This one guy last year brought ten goats as an offering and the goats ate my underwear off the clothes line. I had to date a rich guy I didn't even like for two weeks after that so that he'd buy me more lingerie. But I guess that's just the way things are when you have a vagina.


I guarantee you that if you write stuff like this on a profile somewhere you'd get crazy replies. That was awesomely funny.


----------



## ripsta99

ive been approached by girls about 5 times. only one being really hot. at least 3 or 4 girls said hi to me randomly in school. oh and one girl was very obsessed with me.
i've approached like 8 girls. like half i got numbers from and 2 i got rejected. 

anyways it has nothing to do with this thread. i have to say that girls rarely approach guys and it is to save the embarrassment. i get embarrassed when i get rejected everytime but i don't care about a hour later.


----------



## nautilus

Fruitcake said:


> Wait so you haven't called the second number he gave you? What if he gave you the correct number and thinks you're ignoring him now? And he wouldn't do anything to keep contact if he thought you had his number but decided not to call him.


Thing is, at this point I'm already sure he's not interested. There are other details I haven't mentioned in previous posts: all noticeable signs of interest on his part stopped after the first time I asked for his number (e.g. flirting, compliments, jokes), I've been the one starting any (brief) conversations (whereas before he would always start at least half of them, usually more), the digit he changed involved taking out the zero completely (not to be nitpicky, but I would think switching a couple of the digits would have been a more likely mistake), he completely ignored me last week when I asked how he was (true, he might not have known I was talking to him, but I was right next to him, there was no one else around, and pre-asking-him-out he would always wait to talk to me), and last but not least; he's been spending most his time hanging out around the girl who he's told me he thinks is hot :/

Under different circumstances, I would indeed push myself to regroup and try calling a second time. As it is, the amount of emotional energy and thought I would have to put into it, trying to psych myself into giving him the benefit of the doubt in spite of everything my gut is telling me, only to be painfully disappointed yet again... I'm just not sure I have it in me  On the other hand, this "cutting my losses" thing is still a new way of thinking for me, so I'm not 100% sure of my assessment... does it still sound like I should try again, for morality's sake?



Fruitcake said:


> Also with the talking to random strangers, yeah if someone did that near me I would have no idea who they were talking to and assume it was to themselves. And strangers often avoid eye contact so they might not know that you're looking at them. Brave of you though.


Lol, er, yeah, in hindsight I'm not sure how I expected that to work :roll I've been trying to act on my impulses more often. I may have to make an idiot of myself a few hundred more times before what I plan in my head matches up with what actually happens. At the least maybe I'll start to care less about what strangers think of me.

I like you're posts on how to get guys, by the way. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time


----------



## Fruitcake

nautilus said:


> Thing is, at this point I'm already sure he's not interested. There are other details I haven't mentioned in previous posts: all noticeable signs of interest on his part stopped after the first time I asked for his number (e.g. flirting, compliments, jokes), I've been the one starting any (brief) conversations (whereas before he would always start at least half of them, usually more), the digit he changed involved taking out the zero completely (not to be nitpicky, but I would think switching a couple of the digits would have been a more likely mistake), he completely ignored me last week when I asked how he was (true, he might not have known I was talking to him, but I was right next to him, there was no one else around, and pre-asking-him-out he would always wait to talk to me), and last but not least; he's been spending most his time hanging out around the girl who he's told me he thinks is hot :/
> 
> Under different circumstances, I would indeed push myself to regroup and try calling a second time. As it is, the amount of emotional energy and thought I would have to put into it, trying to psych myself into giving him the benefit of the doubt in spite of everything my gut is telling me, only to be painfully disappointed yet again... I'm just not sure I have it in me  On the other hand, this "cutting my losses" thing is still a new way of thinking for me, so I'm not 100% sure of my assessment... does it still sound like I should try again, for morality's sake?
> 
> Lol, er, yeah, in hindsight I'm not sure how I expected that to work :roll I've been trying to act on my impulses more often. I may have to make an idiot of myself a few hundred more times before what I plan in my head matches up with what actually happens. At the least maybe I'll start to care less about what strangers think of me.
> 
> I like you're posts on how to get guys, by the way. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time


Oh ok, then I think your decision to not call again was a good one.
Yeah I think it's better for your confidence to take a risk and make an idiot of yourself and realise that it's not a huge deal, than to not risk it at all.
Thanks.  I haven't had the courage to put my plans into action yet though. Soon...


----------



## nautilus

Fruitcake said:


> Thanks.  I haven't had the courage to put my plans into action yet though. Soon...


Halloween would be the perfect opportunity for the mask and cape the wielding of knives. I'm thinking: booby trapped (pun intended) haunted house, then invite in that unsuspecting line of men you've been meaning to sort through. Just use one of those handy-dandy levers to trigger a trap door under the rejects. They won't be bothering you again after that


----------



## Fruitcake

nautilus said:


> Halloween would be the perfect opportunity for the mask and cape the wielding of knives. I'm thinking: booby trapped (pun intended) haunted house, then invite in that unsuspecting line of men you've been meaning to sort through. Just use one of those handy-dandy levers to trigger a trap door under the rejects. They won't be bothering you again after that


That's brilliant.  I could also invite my crush over and have a second trap door for him that leads to the dungeons.


----------



## Fruitcake

I practiced saying hi to my crush for a few minutes today. I think I've got that part down but I'm still working on what to say after that; I tend to struggle with everything that comes after hi. Last time I saw him we were in the breakfast aisle at the supermarket and I couldn't decide between "how are you?" and "let's get down on the floor and make love amongst the cornflakes right now" and I ended up saying nothing.
I also need to work on my smile because I need it to convey that I am extremely interested in engaging in coitus with him but I don't want to look desperate or creepy.


----------



## avoidobot3000

Fruitcake said:


> I practiced saying hi to my crush for a few minutes today. I think I've got that part down but I'm still working on what to say after that; I tend to struggle with everything that comes after hi. Last time I saw him we were in the breakfast aisle at the supermarket and I couldn't decide between "how are you?" and "let's get down on the floor and make love amongst the cornflakes right now" and I ended up saying nothing.
> I also need to work on my smile because I need it to convey that I am extremely interested in engaging in coitus with him but I don't want to look desperate or creepy.


You're over thinking things. Just say hi, touch his penis, and the rest will come naturally.


----------



## Fruitcake

avoidobot3000 said:


> You're over thinking things. Just say hi, touch his penis, and the rest will come naturally.


Thanks for the advice. I'd like to follow it but there's this policy at work about not touching people's penises. I found that out last time I tried to greet a customer this way.


----------



## Canucklehead

Fruitcake said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'd like to follow it but there's this policy at work about not touching people's penises. I found that out last time I tried to greet a customer this way.


lol!

You are my new favorite poster on this website.


----------



## awkwardsilent

Fruitcake lol you are hilarious :-D


----------



## avoidobot3000

Fruitcake said:


> Thanks for the advice. I'd like to follow it but there's this policy at work about not touching people's penises. I found that out last time I tried to greet a customer this way.


:bah It's political correctness gone mad!


----------



## Fruitcake

Canucklehead said:


> lol!
> 
> You are my new favorite poster on this website.


Uh oh. Now I'll never say anything worthy of that standing again because I'll be constantly wondering whether my posts are living up to expectations.



avoidobot3000 said:


> :bah It's political correctness gone mad!


I know.  I submitted a written appeal to the boss explaining that the policy hinders the development of strong interpersonal relationships between employees and that changing it would make for a warmer and more welcoming environment. I might make a petition if she doesn't accept that.


----------



## Wolves In Suits

Nothing, but I'm not what men want anyway. Even if I lost a tonne of weight, grew my hair out and wore stupid f*cking clothes, I wouldn't be.

Ah well.


----------



## gomenne

Wolves In Suits said:


> Nothing, but I'm not what men want anyway. Even if I lost a tonne of weight, grew my hair out and wore stupid f*cking clothes, I wouldn't be.
> 
> Ah well.


I dont know what you look like, but I agree with you, men are trained to "pick" only the hot/sexy ones, the rest of us not so hot get treated like dogs.


----------



## deltarain8

Today in class my professor asked one guy what kind of women does he usually date. Now, first off this guy is not what you would call "handsome". He's the skinny oily kind of guy. However he claims to only date cute women with blonde hair, big boobs, butt, and in shape. He got a little more specific after that, but I won't bored you with the details. 
In the end it made me wonder who are some of these guys looking for?


----------



## Barette

^I feel like I hear that all the time. I can understand people having preferences, but to _only_ date the hot girl type is ridiculous to me. I feel like with the media pushing hot girls at us all the time, some guys get the idea that that's what they deserve to have (not to say that they only deserve plain girls, but I mean that they don't want to settle for anything less than the ideal they have in their mind). Maybe I'm just bitter, lol.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> ^I feel like I hear that all the time. I can understand people having preferences, but to _only_ date the hot girl type is ridiculous to me. I feel like with the media pushing hot girls at us all the time, some guys get the idea that that's what they deserve to have (not to say that they only deserve plain girls, but I mean that they don't want to settle for anything less than the ideal they have in their mind). Maybe I'm just bitter, lol.


Bitter about your adorableness? That's just plain silly.










But seriously.


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> Bitter about your adorableness? That's just plain silly.


Haha thanks! 

^^XD


----------



## polkaspot

Right now I'm working on liking myself enough to believe anyone would be interested in dating me. On the rare occasion I'm asked out I feel like I'm going to barf, decide they're doing it out of pity or as a practical joke, and usually find a legit excuse (I work a lot of weekends). 

If I think I could actually like the guy the vomit impulse is even worse and I jump straight to practical joke.


----------



## godhelpme2

i have my guy. :love2

I got in trouble tonight with the law, and he held me in his bed all night trying to make me feel a little better while i was nonstop crying. Now that i'm at home, away from him i literally feel depressed just not being able to be held by him. 

i love him, he deserves better :[...


----------



## nautilus

I've been developing a theory about flirting: I think it has to be done *while* getting to know someone. I realize that may sound obvious, but in the past I've either shown interest too soon or too late. When it's done too soon, the other person hasn't had a chance to get to know you, so they may not know enough about you to want to go out on a date. Unless you're a pro at flirting. Which I'm certainly not. If the interest is shown _after_ getting to know someone, they may know about your personality, but they've already put you in a different category or are thrown off by the sudden shift.

So, I've been crushing on my secretary (in the robotics club) more than usual lately. I've gotten to know him better in a group context in the last month or two, plus he's friends with my best guy friend. But I don't know him so well that it would be too weird if I started flirting with him. I'm thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to put my theory to the test. So basically I'm going to try to get to know him and flirt a bit at the same time (ideally with the amount of flirting proportional to how sure I am that I want to date him). As if either one of those things wouldn't be hard enough by themselves :afr

And... I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Wish me luck!



deltarain8 said:


> Today in class my professor asked one guy what kind of women does he usually date. Now, first off this guy is not what you would call "handsome". He's the skinny oily kind of guy. However he claims to only date cute women with blonde hair, big boobs, butt, and in shape. He got a little more specific after that, but I won't bored you with the details.
> In the end it made me wonder who are some of these guys looking for?


Oy vey :roll People like that are just immature. Some of them will grow out of it (when they stop only dating people that will impress their friends and start dating the ones who they are personally attracted to) and some of them won't. In the meantime, the rest of us will just have to look for the guys who don't think that way... maybe they're in short supply, but then there's also a lot of women who try really hard to change themselves into what they think men want instead of looking for guys who will accept them as they are.


----------



## RawrJessiRawr

Nothing, i tried but it failed so i give up for now .-. Guess i'll focus on myself and work.


----------



## arpeggiator

deltarain8 said:


> Today in class my professor asked one guy what kind of women does he usually date. Now, first off this guy is not what you would call "handsome". He's the skinny oily kind of guy. However he claims to only date cute women with blonde hair, big boobs, butt, and in shape. He got a little more specific after that, but I won't bored you with the details.
> In the end it made me wonder who are some of these guys looking for?


That's what he says, reality could be very different.



Barette said:


> ^I feel like I hear that all the time. I can understand people having preferences, but to _only_ date the hot girl type is ridiculous to me. I feel like with the media pushing hot girls at us all the time, some guys get the idea that that's what they deserve to have (not to say that they only deserve plain girls, but I mean that they don't want to settle for anything less than the ideal they have in their mind). Maybe I'm just bitter, lol.


Most guys aren't that picky about looks because we're attracted to different body shapes and faces. Remember we are individuals with different tastes and opinions. If you like someone and you think there's potencial for a relationship, just go for it.


----------



## bsd3355

I just smack a guy's *** and got punched in the face


----------



## stoolie

nautilus said:


> So, I've been crushing on my secretary (in the robotics club) more than usual lately. I've gotten to know him better in a group context in the last month or two, plus he's friends with my best guy friend. But I don't know him so well that it would be too weird if I started flirting with him. I'm thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to put my theory to the test. So basically I'm going to try to get to know him and flirt a bit at the same time (ideally with the amount of flirting proportional to how sure I am that I want to date him). As if either one of those things wouldn't be hard enough by themselves :afr
> 
> And... I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Wish me luck!


If he's a friend with you BEST guy friend, then surely you can ask you friend for some advice and make him promise not to rat you out. 



deltarain8 said:


> Today in class my professor asked one guy what kind of women does he usually date. Now, first off this guy is not what you would call "handsome". He's the skinny oily kind of guy. However he claims to only date cute women with blonde hair, big boobs, butt, and in shape. He got a little more specific after that, but I won't bored you with the details.
> In the end it made me wonder who are some of these guys looking for?


Have you thought about that he said this, just because it's the stereotypical view of a attractive woman? Maybe he was embarrassed to tell in front of class what he really liked. Just a theory.
Anyway it's just one guy.

and to rymo: 9gag? I'm disappointed!


----------



## rymo

Haha 9gag no good? Never actually heard of it (Google image baby)


----------



## Paper Samurai

Wait some women with SA have a hard time getting in relationships ?

This is not matching up with the detailed theories I keep reading in certain threads on here. :um


----------



## nautilus

stoolie said:


> If he's a friend with you BEST guy friend, then surely you can ask you friend for some advice and make him promise not to rat you out.


Hmm, good point. I've considered this a bit before, but I guess I just didn't know how to bring it up. But yeah, my friend would probably know more about him than me. Come to think of it, my friend has mentioned a few times that I should take chem with him and my secretary in the summer... so maybe the three of us hanging out wouldn't be a bad idea as far as the "getting to know someone" aspect goes.


----------



## arpeggiator

Wolves In Suits said:


> Sadly, I've seen little evidence to support this in the real world...what most hetero guys want is both extraordinarily picky AND predictably formulaic.


With all respect, that's unrealistic. You see all types of women in relationships, tall, short, skinny, overweight... How do you explain that? Besides conventionally attractive people are a minority and not everyone's cup of tea, believe it or not. I value compatibility and sharing common interests above all else, and also there's something about the way a woman talks and behaves, that can really attract me. I'm sure there are more men with that mentality.

However I'm not going to argue that there are some men that have been brainwashed by the media, and want to have what they see in TV, just to feel good about themselves and brag about it with their friends. I imagine those are not the type of guys you want to be with.


----------



## Guldove

Paper Samurai said:


> Wait some women with SA have a hard time getting in relationships ?
> 
> This is not matching up with the detailed theories I keep reading in certain threads on here. :um


And most of the things the guys say don't match up with what I see and experience. Such is life. The forum might be a nicer and more productive place if everyone stopped nagging on everyone else's advice threads.

I'm among the women who have received zero interest except from one guy (on a forum, by the way) who juggled multiple women, and have anxiety to the point that I struggle to even talk over the phone some days (imagine trying to express romantic or sexual interest in someone).

I'm even in a male-dominated study field, and nobody's falling into my lap, totally in love with my nerdiness and determined to tenderly help me overcome my anxiety, which is what an annoyingly large portion of men online would have me believe that means for a woman. Nobody even converses with me except one of the other girls.


----------



## Paper Samurai

Guldove said:


> And most of the things the guys say don't match up with what I see and experience. Such is life. The forum might be a nicer and more productive place if everyone stopped nagging on everyone else's advice threads.
> 
> I'm among the women who have received zero interest except from one guy (on a forum, by the way) who juggled multiple women, and have anxiety to the point that I struggle to even talk over the phone some days (imagine trying to express romantic or sexual interest in someone).
> 
> I'm even in a male-dominated study field, and nobody's falling into my lap, totally in love with my nerdiness and determined to tenderly help me overcome my anxiety, which is what an annoyingly large portion of men online would have me believe that means for a woman. Nobody even converses with me except one of the other girls.


Hopefully my sarcasm came through in the original post.


----------



## Guldove

Paper Samurai said:


> Hopefully my sarcasm came through in the original post.


Text doesn't have tone and few people here are well-acquainted with each other's humor. Views like that are held genuinely by some.


----------



## rymo

Guldove said:


> Text doesn't have tone and few people here are well-acquainted with each other's humor. Views like that are held genuinely by some.


Tone isn't necessary to pick up on sarcasm, but you're right - it helps to know the person's humor and with all the dudes around here who have those kinds of views I could see why you wouldn't realize Paper Samurai's sarcasm. All I know is someone would have to not value their life very much to come into this thread preaching that girls have an easier time :b


----------



## TPower

I would replace "Money/Power" by "Social standing" but anyway, I only posted this to show men's rating system, which I find very accurate.


----------



## srschirm

LOL


----------



## rymo




----------



## bsd3355

Get 'em girls! girl power


----------



## tbyrfan

opcorn


----------



## nautilus

Another update: Had a conversation with a random guy on the bus yesterday. I'd seen him on the bus a couple weeks ago and thought he was cute; we made eye contact and I somehow managed to smile at him (he smiled back!) Kind of a big deal in itself for me, since normally the eye contact alone would have been hard. So yesterday I was feeling gutsy (must have been the cat woman costume) and I sat right next to him.

I think I just said hi or something, but didn't really expect anything. He surprised me by starting a conversation. It was a bit awkward at first, and he seemed a little nervous. At one point the conversation trailed into silence, and normally it might have stayed that way. But I did something uncharacteristic and asked him what his major is. He became a lot more talkative after that. It's amazing how much you can find out about someone in ten minutes.

Overall I feel pretty good about the experience, but I don't quite know what to make of it. It was a little unnerving to realize that I potentially could have flirted just a bit more and had significantly more success with this guy who I just met than with guys I've known and liked for much longer periods of time. Thing is, I held back (for _once_ not out of anxiety), because I really don't know yet if I could have that kind of a connection with this particular guy, and I certainly don't want to lead him on. On the other hand, I wonder if sticking to less flirty, just-friends types of interactions in order to get to know him would mean that I've lost my window of opportunity by the time I decide I do like him, if that turns out to be the case.

Argh, confusing. This is why I usually just focus on either one guy at a time or no guy. But I'm trying this "keeping my options open" thing. Theoretically because I might meet someone compatible who I normally wouldn't rather than eating up time wondering about guys who turn out to not be interested in me after all. I really don't like the feeling that comes with it, though; I'm almost always unsure about what other people think or want, I don't want to be unsure about my own mind, too... but I'll try it anyway, because I need to push myself out of my comfort zone.


----------



## bsd3355

nautilus said:


> Another update: Had a conversation with a random guy on the bus yesterday. I'd seen him on the bus a couple weeks ago and thought he was cute; we made eye contact and I somehow managed to smile at him (he smiled back!) Kind of a big deal in itself for me, since normally the eye contact alone would have been hard. So yesterday I was feeling gutsy (must have been the cat woman costume) and I sat right next to him.
> 
> I think I just said hi or something, but didn't really expect anything. He surprised me by starting a conversation. It was a bit awkward at first, and he seemed a little nervous. At one point the conversation trailed into silence, and normally it might have stayed that way. But I did something uncharacteristic and asked him what his major is. He became a lot more talkative after that. It's amazing how much you can find out about someone in ten minutes.
> 
> Overall I feel pretty good about the experience, but I don't quite know what to make of it. It was a little unnerving to realize that I potentially could have flirted just a bit more and had significantly more success with this guy who I just met than with guys I've known and liked for much longer periods of time. Thing is, I held back (for _once_ not out of anxiety), because I really don't know yet if I could have that kind of a connection with this particular guy, and I certainly don't want to lead him on. On the other hand, I wonder if sticking to less flirty, just-friends types of interactions in order to get to know him would mean that I've lost my window of opportunity by the time I decide I do like him, if that turns out to be the case.
> 
> Argh, confusing. This is why I usually just focus on either one guy at a time or no guy. But I'm trying this "keeping my options open" thing. Theoretically because I might meet someone compatible who I normally wouldn't rather than eating up time wondering about guys who turn out to not be interested in me after all. I really don't like the feeling that comes with it, though; I'm almost always unsure about what other people think or want, I don't want to be unsure about my own mind, too... but I'll try it anyway, because I need to push myself out of my comfort zone.


First off, congratulations! In time, if you do this type of thing more, you will instinctively know where to take it next time. Luckily for you, most guys aren't used to getting hit on so you starting a conversation is more incognito and men will usually reciprocate--at least that's what I think. The beauty of your approach is that it is "indirect", meaning it does not tell the man that you are interested. For all he knows, you can just be a friendly chatter, which a lot of girls are, so nothing out the ordinary.

This is extremely interesting to me though because most men when they approach already know they want the girl unless she somehow turns out to be *****y or something; whereas, you, a woman, said, "I need time to figure out if I like him". See how different that is? Not saying all women are like this, but there is definitely a difference there, and I find that extremely interesting.

It appears you assume that if you get his number or if you give him your number he will take the lead and pursue you--this is another interesting difference between men and women and how they go about things. While this isn't always the case, men won't always pursue you if you initiate the approach, etc. When I was in high school girls would sometimes approach me and would even get MY number and then they would expect me to pursue them after that, which I later figured out; some even told me, basically blaming me for not leading after they initiated it? Lol. Weird. I don't know if that is society's view on it and so women just follow that or if it is more biologically driven women do this, but for w/e reason, it happens.

P.S. To answer your question, yes, just because you approached a guy and initiated conversation or even gave him your number or w/e does NOT mean it is under the pretext of dating. This means you can do what you did, exchange information, ask to hang out, and it can be either for friendships or dating reasons. If the guy wants more then be HONEST AND UPFRONT with him about how you feel and what you want and if he doesn't respect that then probably best to find someone else who will.


----------



## Barette

Once in a blue moon a guy will smile at me, and I'll get terrified and look straight at the floor. I want to change this and start smiling back, and once and a while I'm gonna try making eye contact and maybe giving a tiny smile. I'm not doing this in hopes of approaching anyone or having anyone approach me, but I want to get over this fear of showing any interst in someone. I'm never going to have anyone with how I am right now. I can talk to guys a lot easier than girls, but that's cause I don't think guys can be attracted to me so there's none of that nervousness from that. 

I'm starting to learn that how I feel I'm presenting myself, and how I actually come off, are two different things. A few months ago I worked with a guy and another girl at my mom's job, and I was a nervous wreck from anxiety, but I tried to be more talkative and asked each of them a lot of questions and tried to make conversation. I thought he thought I was weird, and I thought she thought I was annoying. I was kicking myself for days afterwards. Turns out, she tells my mom that I am really friendly and nice, and that I have a very open personality and am easy to talk to (I'd worked with her before and after that time, too). Now, today, my mom tells me that the guy asked if I was coming back to work anytime soon, and that I'm low key and chill (and my mom asked if he wanted the other girl to come back and work, and he said "who?" and when she reminded him about her he was like "Oh... yeah I think I remember her", and both she and I only worked with him that one day, so he remembered me well and not her (though, she left an hour or two earlier than me)). So I don't know how I'm going to go about separating how I perceive myself and how others perceive me. So like, I get terrified just talking in a normal social situation, so if I'm talking to someone with the hopes that there's some kind of attraction, I don't know how I wouldn't feel like a freak.

I wanna be back in CT, I actually got attention every once and a while there. I don't know what they put in the water in NC but everyone is so attractive here, it's intimidating.


----------



## nautilus

Barette said:


> Once and a while a guy will smile at me, and I'll get terrified and look straight at the floor. I want to change this and start smiling back, and once and a while I'm gonna try making eye contact and start smiling at guys first. The idea terrifies me, I'll see if it is the end of the world like I think it is.


I still rarely smile at guys, but I can sort of pull it off if I push myself. I think I practiced on a lot of female passerby first, lol. Not like a flirty smile in those cases, just an attempt at a friendly smile. The worst that can happen is that the other person won't smile back, and even then it's highly unlikely they'll be offended or something. Good luck 



Barette said:


> So I don't know how I'm going to go about separating how I perceive myself and how others perceive me. So like, I get terrified just talking in a normal social situation, so if I'm talking to someone with the hopes that there's some kind of attraction, I don't know how I wouldn't feel like a freak.


The only way I've been able to do it is to try to observe how other people interact. In particular if someone starts a conversation with me and makes me feel comfortable talking to them, I try to figure out what they're doing right exactly and ask myself if I do those things when I'm talking to others. Then I try to reproduce that type of tone and body language when meeting new people... of course I don't _feel_ any more socially skilled until the results start showing, which can take a while.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> I wanna be back in CT, I actually got attention every once and a while there. I don't know what they put in the water in NC but everyone is so attractive here, it's intimidating.


Hey! I take offense to that! We're not all hideous freaks in CT! I officially challenge NC to a beauty pageant! Our first contestant:


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> Hey! I take offense to that! We're not all hideous freaks in CT! I officially challenge NC to a beauty pageant - our first contestant:


Haha XD I'm from CT too so I lump myself in with them! XD And I don't care what anyone says, Mama June is beautitious, I just get hypnotized by her full, jigginling chins.


----------



## rymo

Barette said:


> Haha XD I'm from CT too so I lump myself in with them! XD And I don't care what anyone says, Mama June is beautitious, I just get hypnotized by her full, jiggling chins.


I prefer Sugar Bear's immense charm myself, but you're right, she is quite hard to resist.

Glad to see you're joining the forces of good. Now come back to the motherland, stat.


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> I prefer Sugar Bear's immense charm myself, but you're right, she is quite hard to resist.
> 
> Glad to see you're joining the forces of good. Now come back to the motherland, stat.


Ah true, when I first saw Sugar Bear I played a game of "Teeth or no teeth," he knows how to keep a girl on her toes.

I can't wait till I do! I miss CT, I'm so unused to the South where people don't totally ignore each other.


----------



## Barette

Alright, made accidental eye contact with a few guys and girls (I'm just doing this to learn how to appear more friendly, not just to get guys) today, but as per usual had that pissed off/unhappy look on my face that I usually have when I have to be out of my room and around other people. I was thinking "alright, try to smile" but I was too anxious and have just been indifferent lately so I didn't make any attempt to look friendly or approachable. Ah well.


----------



## Ricebunnyx3

Nothing w/ the intention of getting a guy.
Maybe when, if I ever, lose this weight, a guy might come along, (although my face will still be ugly as **** at least my body will be more appealing) but then I'll realize he just wants me because I'm sort of attractive now, which will be a turn off. I don't like the idea of a guy only wanting to get to know me because of what I look like, although that's reality and I'd probably get tired of being alone and give in.


----------



## nautilus

Happy news for me: I was out last night with a close friend of mine who was visiting, and she suggested seeing a movie (instead of studying like we planned, lol). We serendipitously ran into my crush and several of his friends at the movie theater. He invited us to join them and we went to smoke hookahs afterwards. First time I tried that, it was cool.

I was a bit awkward at first due to the group situation, but I started to feel more comfortable after an hour or so. I knew about half the people there, so it wasn't too bad. Ironically, I seem to have a knack for dirty jokes, which worked well with this group. In any case, I had my leg against my crush's for pretty much the entire time I was sitting next to him *ahem*. At one point he got up and danced with me after a couple minutes of me trying to teach my friend salsa moves :boogieThings have not gone this well since... okay, ever 



bwidger85 said:


> This is extremely interesting to me though because most men when they approach already know they want the girl unless she somehow turns out to be *****y or something; whereas, you, a woman, said, "I need time to figure out if I like him". See how different that is? Not saying all women are like this, but there is definitely a difference there, and I find that extremely interesting.


Sorry, didn't see your post earlier. Maybe because since men are more used to pursuing, if they decide later on that they aren't interested they can just stop. Even if the woman is interested in him, the woman isn't as likely to turn around and start chasing after _the guy _once he's stopped. Whereas women are often pursued even when they don't take any/much initiative. Sadly this means women get more unwanted attention, and the guy still may think he should continue pursuing, since that's what society tells him he's supposed to do when he can't tell what the woman wants. That's just my guess. Double standards: an absolute pain to deal with, but so much fun to analyze!



bwidger85 said:


> When I was in high school girls would sometimes approach me and would even get MY number and then they would expect me to pursue them after that, which I later figured out; some even told me, basically blaming me for not leading after they initiated it?


If I ask a guy out or get a guy's number, I'll expect myself to follow up on it. And if I don't, then although the guy might decide to call, I wouldn't _expect_ him to. Unless I were to specifically ask him to call me for some reason. But I've heard that view before where the woman expects the guy to always take the lead, and I think it's rather... well, ridiculous, imo. Ideally, I'd want something close to a 50/50 relationship, where each person more or less takes turns initiating the next "step". For the sake of communication more than anything else.

Of course, this isn't always possible; sometimes I don't have the guts to make a move, and sometimes I've had more social skills than the guy I was interested in, either of which is fine. But if it's always just me making a move with no feedback, I lose confidence sooner or later and assume they aren't interested. Even if they technically could be interested and not know how to show it, I feel like continuing to push them would be disrespectful after a point. I've also been in situations where the guy kept trying to initiate something, despite the fact that I was never more than neutral in my response, sometimes even after I was straightforward. Those times were incredibly frustrating and anxiety producing, since I didn't know how to deal with it at the time _at all_ (I've gotten better since, but it's still not easy).



bwidger85 said:


> P.S. To answer your question, yes, just because you approached a guy and initiated conversation or even gave him your number or w/e does NOT mean it is under the pretext of dating. This means you can do what you did, exchange information, ask to hang out, and it can be either for friendships or dating reasons. If the guy wants more then be HONEST AND UPFRONT with him about how you feel and what you want and if he doesn't respect that then probably best to find someone else who will.


Very solid advice, thank you  I suppose I already knew this on some level, but it's good to hear it from a guy. In the past I've doubted my ability to handle certain difficult potential situations so much that I avoided any path that might lead to them. But I'm starting to realize that no matter how embarrassing or painful something might be, I always get through it, regardless of whether I thought I would or not.


----------



## bsd3355

^You have a certain attitude that I've seen before from a lot of people and that attitude is usually the deciding factor on whether or not they succeed or fail in a lot of instances. I think you'll find what you are looking for because you have the right attitude.


----------



## Stephie

I'm sitting in my room all weekend. It's a sure fire trick to get 0 attention from guys, you ladies should it some time.


----------



## nautilus

bwidger85 said:


> ^You have a certain attitude that I've seen before from a lot of people and that attitude is usually the deciding factor on whether or not they succeed or fail in a lot of instances. I think you'll find what you are looking for because you have the right attitude.


Thanks  It's certainly an acquired attitude for me; if anything I had the opposite perspective to start with.


----------



## awkwardsilent

Lame but true, I tried making eye contact with a cutie last night. Which sounds like nothing but its a lot of me and was going to try to talk to him until I saw he had a girlfriend. Points for intentions? lol...


----------



## Stephie

awkwardsilent said:


> Lame but true, I tried making eye contact with a cutie last night. Which sounds like nothing but its a lot of me and was going to try to talk to him until I saw he had a girlfriend. Points for intentions? lol...


That sounds like my kind of luck. :roll


----------



## nautilus

awkwardsilent said:


> Lame but true, I tried making eye contact with a cutie last night. Which sounds like nothing but its a lot of me and was going to try to talk to him until I saw he had a girlfriend. Points for intentions? lol...


Nice  Definitely points for intentions, because that's the hardest part to maintain. Good luck on the next one!


----------



## cybernaut

Standing alone at the bus stop caused me to get a lot of attention from strangers,who I don't even know. I don't want a relationship like that though.. Or just getting hit on at the busstop by creeps..same response. More than likely, they'll probably be the types who like me only for my looks, but then run away from my personality.

I want a guy who will like me outside of my looks.In elementary-high school I've always had the types of guys who were dícks and placed "popularity" on top of the pedestal flirt with me., then freak out due to my severe SA.Based on my experience, while in college, I've now been experiencing a good number of guys from the "East" (Arab, Indian, African, Pakistani) tolerate and not be weirded out by my quietness for the most part...they have also made several attempts to get to know me regardless of me being socially awkward. Maybe it's a difference of culture or something... Those might be the ones who I try to clique with here lol. That or online dating. Also, I've never been in a relationship btw.....


----------



## arnie

Nothing.


----------



## nautilus

Aw man, I felt my old habits of interacting with a guy I like coming back this week. I saw my crush as I was leaving the study center today, got really nervous and barely managed a quiet hi and a vague smile when he said "hey what's up?" I wanted to do or say more, but I couldn't think of anything. After a moment I just waved awkwardly and left :roll Looking back on it, I have a hard time figuring out what exactly I could have done differently. Maybe I could have gone over and started a brief conversation? He didn't seem to be going anywhere in a hurry... I mean, that's something I may or may not have done with a friend or good acquaintance (though it's a little awkward even with friends).

The thing I need advice on: I've started flirting with this guy somewhat successfully (at least compared to my previous experiences), but it's hard to maintain a connection if the only time I see him other than randomly in passing is when I'm running a club meeting. I'd be willing to ask him out at some point, but I feel like it's too soon and I want to improve my chances first (I guess by giving him a better idea of who I am). So... how do I create more opportunities to talk with him without it being too weird or forward?



ratherunique11 said:


> Standing alone at the bus stop caused me to get a lot of attention from strangers,who I don't even know. I don't want a relationship like that though.. Or just getting hit on at the busstop by creeps..same response. More than likely, they'll probably be the types who like me only for my looks, but then run away from my personality.


Yeah, I'm instinctively wary of guys who come on really strong before I've said a word to them. On the other hand, I've met a lot of interesting people on the bus, including one of my now best friends. In fact, when I was first taking the plunge and trying to teach myself small talk, I used the bus as one of my primary opportunities for meeting new people and talking to acquaintances. It couldn't hurt to talk to the ones who don't creep you out; some people just like to socialize randomly (they tend to be the ones sitting towards the front of the bus or sometimes the very back, by the way).


----------



## vanishingpt

Talking to him more often... I'm not even sure if I'm doing anything LOL I've always had issues in terms of pursuing a person because I tend to get nervous/scared to take the next step.

The conversations have been pretty enjoyable and I found myself opening up  ... past the good conversations, not really sure if I should be more bold and flirtatious or anything... opening up was almost a challenge in itself LOL.


----------



## nautilus

vanishingpt said:


> Talking to him more often... I'm not even sure if I'm doing anything LOL I've always had issues in terms of pursuing a person because I tend to get nervous/scared to take the next step.
> 
> The conversations have been pretty enjoyable and I found myself opening up  ... past the good conversations, not really sure if I should be more bold and flirtatious or anything... opening up was almost a challenge in itself LOL.


Sounds like you're doing well already  As far as being more bold and taking the next step, it depends on the situation and much effort you want to put in. Often it helps to break things up into smaller steps. Figure out something you usually might not do which would be a challenge _for you_, but simple enough that you know you can handle it. Regardless of how things turn out, it's very empowering to realize through experience that you're capable of more than you originally thought.


----------



## Fruitcake

nautilus said:


> Aw man, I felt my old habits of interacting with a guy I like coming back this week. I saw my crush as I was leaving the study center today, got really nervous and barely managed a quiet hi and a vague smile when he said "hey what's up?" I wanted to do or say more, but I couldn't think of anything. After a moment I just waved awkwardly and left :roll Looking back on it, I have a hard time figuring out what exactly I could have done differently. Maybe I could have gone over and started a brief conversation? He didn't seem to be going anywhere in a hurry... I mean, that's something I may or may not have done with a friend or good acquaintance (though it's a little awkward even with friends).
> 
> The thing I need advice on: I've started flirting with this guy somewhat successfully (at least compared to my previous experiences), but it's hard to maintain a connection if the only time I see him other than randomly in passing is when I'm running a club meeting. I'd be willing to ask him out at some point, but I feel like it's too soon and I want to improve my chances first (I guess by giving him a better idea of who I am). So... how do I create more opportunities to talk with him without it being too weird or forward?
> 
> Yeah, I'm instinctively wary of guys who come on really strong before I've said a word to them. On the other hand, I've met a lot of interesting people on the bus, including one of my now best friends. In fact, when I was first taking the plunge and trying to teach myself small talk, I used the bus as one of my primary opportunities for meeting new people and talking to acquaintances. It couldn't hurt to talk to the ones who don't creep you out; some people just like to socialize randomly (they tend to be the ones sitting towards the front of the bus or sometimes the very back, by the way).


I'm enjoying reading your progress.  If I want to get to know someone I tend to have some things ready to talk about if there's a chance of seeing them, so that I can make the most of it rather than avoiding them and seeming uninterested. When I'm with someone I'm nervous around I can't think on the spot so I can't rely on improvising. Also if you're not already, I would hang around in case he wants to chat after your meetings. If you bring up something he's mentioned or have something else ready to talk about then it wouldn't seem weird or forward to chat then.


----------



## nautilus

Fruitcake said:


> I'm enjoying reading your progress.  If I want to get to know someone I tend to have some things ready to talk about if there's a chance of seeing them, so that I can make the most of it rather than avoiding them and seeming uninterested. When I'm with someone I'm nervous around I can't think on the spot so I can't rely on improvising. Also if you're not already, I would hang around in case he wants to chat after your meetings. If you bring up something he's mentioned or have something else ready to talk about then it wouldn't seem weird or forward to chat then.


Thank you  Yes, I'm the same way. Indeed, my already limited improvisation skills have been inexplicably going out the window lately, the more I'm around this guy. List-of-prearranged-conversation-starters time it is! Hmm, yes, perhaps I could come up with an excuse to talk to him after the meeting and then just happen to chat for a bit. Like, we could go over the agenda for the next meeting (which technically we're supposed to do anyway), or I could ask him to help me put some of the stuff away... that just might work. Why do I have a sudden urge to go "muahahaha"?


----------



## awkwardsilent

nautilus - You are so groovy, you are my hero. I really hope I'm done being slammed at work... there aren't really a lot of guys in my town to even practice talking to let alone "options" but I'd like to try at least being more friendly and smiling.


----------



## nautilus

awkwardsilent said:


> nautilus - You are so groovy, you are my hero. I really hope I'm done being slammed at work... there aren't really a lot of guys in my town to even practice talking to let alone "options" but I'd like to try at least being more friendly and smiling.


Yay, I've always wanted to be groovy! :boogie Yes, smiling is an important step. I'm still amazed sometimes at how many "boring" things I can say and get good reactions from people if I'm smiling/trying to be friendly, versus when I come up with one of my more interesting statements but deliver it monotone. Initially that was very frustrating, because I would put all this thought into what to say and it still wouldn't turn out, but after developing new habits it made things a lot easier. Because in general, people like it when others look happy to see them. That's not to say the process of learning how to greet acquaintances etc. wasn't difficult - it literally took me a year to train myself to say "Hi, how are you?" (or wave if from a distance) every single time I encountered someone I knew.


----------



## awkwardsilent

nautilus - Yes I am constantly working on it because I have a tendancy to get into my own headspace that I forget a lot of times but I have really tried more often not to be. I still get heck for 'ignoring' people once in a while when I first get to know them and they say they tried to get my attention but I was too into my ipod dancing along down the street. OOPS.


----------



## deadkittens

i never really go out by myself so i dont really get a chance to try to talk to any dudes but i wouldnt try to anyways because i would have way too much anxiety.. and i wouldnt want a guy to randomly come up and start talking to me.. i dont think they would be the kind of guy i would be into (i dont like the overly confident type).. ive had guys try to talk to me and it just makes me feel uncomfortable and its never someone i would be interested in at all.

so i feel alot more comfortable meeting people in person from the internet. its easier for me to get to know them and tell them about my anxiety and stuff and figure out whos a weirdo before i go meet them. ive met 5 people this way and all have turned out well. 4 i dated and 1 i just went out with a few times.

im not really looking right now because i just got out of a relationship but when i do look i use of course, the internet and dating sites etc. i do check the sites but i dont see anyone i would be interested in..this town is small and there arent many young people..doh..

congrats to the women who are ballsy enough to go up to guys and talk to them though. i could never do that and i dont want to..but i tip my hat to those that do.


----------



## nautilus

awkwardsilent said:


> nautilus - Yes I am constantly working on it because I have a tendancy to get into my own headspace that I forget a lot of times but I have really tried more often not to be. I still get heck for 'ignoring' people once in a while when I first get to know them and they say they tried to get my attention but I was too into my ipod dancing along down the street. OOPS.


I can certainly understand that. In hindsight, a lot of people probably thought I was ignoring them or closed off up until about a year ago (or less). I remember many times where I would leave silently and without a word because I would assume that no one would miss me. I question whether that assumption was true then (it may have been at times), but now I feel like it would be rude not to say bye to people I know, so I hold myself to that feeling of obligation.


----------



## nautilus

(bump)

Ok, I'm realizing that right now I have more "irons in the fire" when it comes to guys than I ever have in the past. I mean, I haven't gone out with any of them, it's just that I've been dividing my focus a lot more than usual. I'm wondering if this is how others improve their chances of finding a relationship... because I'm feeling really lost, to be honest. Should I pursue each of my interests at least as far as going on a date with them, without worrying too much about the result (eg. ask them out sooner instead of the long process of trying to build a connection first)? Is my problem that I'm forming attachments to people before the evidence supports that something could actually come of it? On the other hand, it takes effort to start something, a huge amount when anxiety's involved, and I feel like if I divide my focus too much it'll make _each_ possibility less likely to succeed.

Sorry if this post's a bit unclear. Overall I think I'm making progress, I'm just... confused and frustrated


----------



## bsd3355

^Do whatever feels right to you then move on from there. You'll probably gain better insight after some action is made, and then you can look back on this experience have have better direction next time


----------



## nautilus

bwidger85 said:


> ^Do whatever feels right to you then move on from there. You'll probably gain better insight after some action is made, and then you can look back on this experience have have better direction next time


Hmm... I think you're right. I can't know what the "best" course of action is if the majority of my experiences are based on years of inaction.


----------



## bsd3355

nautilus said:


> Hmm... I think you're right. I can't know what the "best" course of action is if the majority of my experiences are based on years of inaction.


Exactly.

Or maybe you just need more time to find what feels right for you. If you follow what feels right for you, even if it isn't necessarily the best option, you will likely later know what is right by having that experience. And stuff and stuff...


----------



## Bluueyyy

why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?

I seriously do not understand this


----------



## lizzy19

Bluueyyy said:


> why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?
> 
> I seriously do not understand this


 Lol


----------



## bsd3355

Bluueyyy said:


> why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?
> 
> I seriously do not understand this


haha!


----------



## MrQuiet76

Bluueyyy said:


> why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?
> 
> I seriously do not understand this


who said that we aren't hooking up?? :yes


----------



## Bluueyyy

MrQuiet76 said:


> who said that we aren't hooking up?? :yes


So you've got a girlfriend now?


----------



## MrQuiet76

Bluueyyy said:


> So you've got a girlfriend now?


lol nah not yet but I do like your idea


----------



## Bluueyyy

Well LADIES....who wants a piece of MrQuiet76?

  don't be shy


----------



## deltarain8

:lol 
Can't help but imagine MrQuiet76's avatar winking at a chick from across the room. I know it's Jim Carrey, but still....

Anyway I haven't been on for a while, but *polkaspot* mentioned in an earlier post that she was working on liking herself enough so that others will like her as well. That's were I am right now. The only thing stopping me from walking up to a hot guy and sweeping him off his feet, is myself.


----------



## Guldove

Bluueyyy said:


> why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?
> 
> I seriously do not understand this


Distance, poor match, anxiety.


----------



## Joan Of Narc

Nada.


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

I am saving money so I can go get one of those hot young men in Turkey or Morocco or wherever it is women go to get their gigolo.:yes:yes


----------



## awkwardsilent

LOL if only it worked that way, I don't think mail order husbands have the same appeal as mail order brides unfortunately. If they did I would be saving my pennies as well!


----------



## hydinthebasmnt

awkwardsilent said:


> LOL if only it worked that way, I don't think mail order husbands have the same appeal as mail order brides unfortunately. If they did I would be saving my pennies as well!


Sadly, so many of them end up being relationships between desperate women and an exotic wannabe Romeo half their age who'll leech off them and steal all their money while having their wives and girlfriends back home.

I was only joking by the way. There is no way I would ever do that.


----------



## awkwardsilent

I know you were joking thats why the "LOL" at the beginning of the statement  I just wish it were that easy sometimes, pick someone out of a catalogue lol... 

I'm pretty much to the point where I need to give up and work on me again. I mean I will still endeavor to practice talking to guys because I think thats a skill that is sorely lacking from my skill set. And it might be easier if I have no emotional investments in it.


----------



## nautilus

awkwardsilent said:


> I'm pretty much to the point where I need to give up and work on me again. I mean I will still endeavor to practice talking to guys because I think thats a skill that is sorely lacking from my skill set. And it might be easier if I have no emotional investments in it.


Sounds like a good plan. Self improvement is an ongoing, life-long process (apparently), but no harm in keeping an eye out for cuties to chat up in the meantime


----------



## Rossy

This thread is rather interesting.


----------



## deltarain8

Speaking of mail order husbands.
http://mailorderhusbands.net/love/order/

For the truly desperate.


----------



## nautilus

My crush was talking to his friend today about an ex girlfriend of his (group situation - working on the robot). I thought I heard him say something about his "girlfriend" at one point, but maybe I misheard or he was referring to an ex... in any case I conveniently had to go look for a part at that point because I didn't want anyone to notice I was affected. I've never heard him talk about other girls before, and since we'd been flirting I had assumed he wasn't in a relationship. I guess that wasn't the best assumption to make after all (so now I have to find out one way or the other, which I should have done sooner).

I was surprised it hurt so much to consider the possibility that this guy is already taken. What it made me realize, though, is that even though I'm trying to meet new guys and trying to consider my other options, will I really get very far with those other possibilities if I'm constantly held back by having feelings for one guy in particular? I don't have an answer to that yet. I think for now I'm going to try to focus on actions, since my emotions will just keep playing out the same old painful patterns if I don't do something to change.

In other news, yesterday I talked to the guy on the bus again (the one I sat next to on Halloween). Had a surprisingly involved conversation. I'm still not sure the "chemistry" is all there yet (for lack of a better term), but I like that he talks openly about things, and he _does_ have pretty eyes :blush

And I ran into another cute guy a couple times recently, from one of my classes last semester. Most of our conversations are awkward, due to one or both of us. We've actually wound up hugging by _accident_ once or twice (funny story...) But he always makes an effort to talk to me, despite all that, so I have quite a bit of respect for him. Not sure what weird psychological issue is keeping me from asking him out, but I _am_ considering it. Or getting his number, at least.

And on top of all that I'm participating in rymo's challenge threads. Boy am I exhausted 



deltarain8 said:


> Speaking of mail order husbands.
> http://mailorderhusbands.net/love/order/
> 
> For the truly desperate.


Bookmarked! You know, just in case...


----------



## deltarain8

^
When I'm getting over a crush I find the "out of sight; out of mind" method works best. I think you said this guy is in a class with you? In a little bit he'll be gone and you'll be free to crush on more guys. Like the "bus guy". It seems like you guys made a connection. Maybe more so then "last semester guy"


----------



## little_ghoul

I use a butterfly net.


----------



## litchee

I tried asking him if he wanted to study for the common class we have. And that didn't work out.

Today, I "gently/jokingly slapped" him before we parted ways after class (he had been joking that he had been trying to get me to hit him or react by intentionally pushing my buttons).

Oh yeah... I got _game_. x__________x


----------



## Barette

Madelyn said:


> I use a butterfly net.


Oh, I like that method much more than my bear trap I'm using now. They're so uncooperative when they get caught.


----------



## SilentLyric

litchee said:


> I tried asking him if he wanted to study for the common class we have. And that didn't work out.
> 
> Today, I "gently/jokingly slapped" him before we parted ways after class (he had been joking that he had been trying to get me to hit him or react by intentionally pushing my buttons).
> 
> Oh yeah... I got _game_. x__________x


did he say no? seems like a good idea to me. you can just say that you want help so it doesn't even imply that you are interested.


----------



## litchee

SilentLuke said:


> did he say no? seems like a good idea to me. you can just say that you want help so it doesn't even imply that you are interested.


I've asked him already. This was on the Friday before exam week. I told him the only times I was free was on Wednesday (2 days before the exam for our common class) or on the weekend. He said Wednesday was kind of last minute (which I agree with). And the conversation ended there.

Yup.


----------



## nautilus

deltarain8 said:


> When I'm getting over a crush I find the "out of sight; out of mind" method works best. I think you said this guy is in a class with you? In a little bit he'll be gone and you'll be free to crush on more guys.


I think I could handle just being friends with him if it turns out he's taken; we were friends/acquaintances before I started liking him in that way. Maybe after keeping my distance for a little while though, like you suggested. But I think I'll ask our mutual friend if he has a girlfriend first, just to find out one way or the other. Wondering where I stand with people without taking action to find out seems to be one of the primary things that keeps me from moving on emotionally.



deltarain8 said:


> Like the "bus guy". It seems like you guys made a connection. Maybe more so then "last semester guy"


Hmm, I actually feel more of a connection with last semester guy, but that may be partly because I've known him longer. That's why I was thinking I would at least ask for his number soon. But I'll definitely keep talking to bus guy; the conversations are enjoyable and perhaps the interest will develop more as I get to know him better (and if not, talking can't hurt).

Sometimes I find my own slow pace extremely irritating, but I find that I usually like people more the better I know them. So... I guess I just need to create more situations in which I interact with guys I like (and then sooner or later one of them will like me back to the same degree).


----------



## SilentLyric

litchee said:


> I've asked him already. This was on the Friday before exam week. I told him the only times I was free was on Wednesday (2 days before the exam for our common class) or on the weekend. He said Wednesday was kind of last minute (which I agree with). And the conversation ended there.
> 
> Yup.


Last minute? He just didn't want to be with you. Call him out on his bull**** :mum


----------



## litchee

SilentLuke said:


> Last minute? He just didn't want to be with you. Call him out on his bull**** :mum


That's what is so weird... I probably never would have asked to study if I didn't think he might be interested in me. We are lab partners for one class and we also have one other class in common. He would always come speak to me during break even in the other class where he has friends.


----------



## nautilus

litchee said:


> I've asked him already. This was on the Friday before exam week. I told him the only times I was free was on Wednesday (2 days before the exam for our common class) or on the weekend. He said Wednesday was kind of last minute (which I agree with). And the conversation ended there.
> 
> Yup.


What did he say about the weekend?


----------



## litchee

nautilus said:


> What did he say about the *weekend*?


lol, he completely ignored that point. So I wasn't going to insist and I let the conversation end there.
But like I said, otherwise he seemed and still seems interested. I just don't really want to be the one to make any more advances. I feel like if he is _truly_ interested, it is "his turn" to actually put himself out there and ask me out (instead of just- I think -flirting with me).
I don't know how to respond to flirting! This is why people get hit in the face! xD


----------



## BluesGirl

hmm. nothing! Which sucks, because I get really lonely! I'm not good at all at getting myself out there. I hide away like a troll under a bridge...


----------



## nautilus

litchee said:


> lol, he completely ignored that point. So I wasn't going to insist and I let the conversation end there.
> But like I said, otherwise he seemed and still seems interested. I just don't really want to be the one to make any more advances. I feel like if he is _truly_ interested, it is "his turn" to actually put himself out there and ask me out (instead of just- I think -flirting with me).
> I don't know how to respond to flirting! This is why people get hit in the face! xD


I agree with the method of leaving it up to the other person after making your interest clear. It's up to you where you want to draw the line. Yeah, I don't understand flirting either, lol. I keep trying to use it as a tool for showing interest in someone, but often they don't get it, and I can rarely interpret other people's flirting accurately. I guess some people just flirt for fun, or out of habit? Oy vey.


----------



## Zeeshan

nautilus said:


> I agree with the method of leaving it up to the other person after making your interest clear.


If you specifically asked about a guys availability, if he is dating anyone

is that showing interest?


----------



## litchee

Zeeshan said:


> If you specifically asked about a guys availability, if he is dating anyone
> 
> is that showing interest?


I know you weren't necessarily asking me, but I think that that often means a girl is interested!


----------



## nautilus

Zeeshan said:


> If you specifically asked about a guys availability, if he is dating anyone
> 
> is that showing interest?


Everyone's different, but for me if I asked about a guy's availability, it would be a definite sign of interest.


----------



## vanishingpt

I talk to him almost every night, but I can't tell if he thinks of me just as someone interesting to talk to or has considered me as anything more than that... I'm also worried it's too soon to tell him (chatting consistently for about a month), or too late to tell him (we've gotten pretty comfortable with each other online... maybe he's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to see me as anything else?)... I don't know LOL I'm over thinking, gosh! Now I'm worried he might even see this on here lol even though he says he doesn't go on... :b


----------



## Linlinh

Nothing. I barely go out and I guess, maybe lack of interest..


----------



## brownzerg

hope you ladies manage to find someone sooner rather than later  being lonely is a terrible suffering


----------



## deltarain8

I like this thread.
At this point the only crush I have is on a guy that is spoken for.:cry

but ya know what? The next crush I have, I will defiantly make a grab for him.....or at the very least CONSIDER making a grab for him.



vanishingpt said:


> ... I don't know LOL I'm over thinking, gosh! Now I'm worried he might even see this on here lol even though he says he doesn't go on... :b


go for it!


----------



## arnie

Bluueyyy said:


> why dont ppl on this thread hook up with people on the other thread?
> 
> I seriously do not understand this


SAS should have a dating forum. :lol


----------



## nautilus

nautilus said:


> My crush was talking to his friend today about an ex girlfriend of his (group situation - working on the robot). I thought I heard him say something about his "girlfriend" at one point, but maybe I misheard or he was referring to an ex... in any case I conveniently had to go look for a part at that point because I didn't want anyone to notice I was affected. I've never heard him talk about other girls before, and since we'd been flirting I had assumed he wasn't in a relationship. I guess that wasn't the best assumption to make after all (so now I have to find out one way or the other, which I should have done sooner).


Update on this: Turns out he _doesn't_ have a girlfriend, so I did mishear  I actually didn't have to ask, directly or otherwise; it just came up while a few of us were working on the robot again (which is going about as slow as molasses by the way). On the other hand, he also said he didn't plan on getting into a relationship until after he's done here (at the community college). Meh. Still, doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be interested in dating, or even just hanging out. And it's a relief to know that I didn't imagine the flirting that was going on previously 

And... I'm starting to wonder if things are changing between me and my best guy friend. If so, great timing :roll but I'm not going to complain. I know I've changed since I first met him over a year ago, maybe he's picking up on that... Who knows, though. I don't have any clear evidence that's the case. I'm trying to just think of this as another possibility, not get my hopes up too much but at the same time not hold back entirely because I'm afraid of ruining the friendship. I get the feeling he'd still be a part of my life no matter what. After all, I'd do the same for him.

So now I'm at the point where I have 3 or 4 guys I could potentially date, two of whom I know I could easily fall for if things go well with one of them. Hardly the worst "problem" a woman could face. It appears I have just about run out of excuses. The only one remaining is that I really, _really_ don't like pursuing or even thinking about more than one person at a time. It seems to go against my nature. But you know what? **** what I feel right now, I can't wait to feel comfortable, or I'll never get anywhere. I've changed my "nature" in the past, hopefully for the better. I'm sure I can find a way to do so again and still be someone I want to be.

Game plan: get some numbers and start inviting people out, be it as a group or individually. Hone my feminine wile (singular; I'm not very wily) to test for mutual interest... and see where that leads. Take it one step at a time and wait for the blessed day when this d*** uncertain, painful phase is over and I can dedicate my loyalty to someone the way I want to.

Status: Preparing to blindly enter dating hell and hoping it will be worth it. I feel like Orpheus making a deal with Hades right now... just can't look back.


----------



## Freiheit

Nothing. Guess I don't belong in this thread.


----------



## nautilus

Freiheit said:


> Nothing. Guess I don't belong in this thread.


But you _could_  Anything from making eye contact with a guy once or twice to trying to think of things differently counts as effort. For some reason posting in this thread has helped me a lot. Maybe because the title is a much healthier and more useful question to be asking myself all the time instead of something like, "why don't guys like me?" (which I admit is very tempting to wonder about at times).


----------



## pastels

ill just tie him, up throw him in the trunk, then we'll live happily ever after off grid.


----------



## splitimage

My goal right now is just to get myself out. I've signed up with Meetup, and am trying to go to at least one event each week. I wouldn't say I'm doing it specifically to meet a guy, but it's at least keeping the options open 

There is someone that I've met through a Meetup group that I've become interested in. Not quite sure where this is going, since I'm absolutely terrified of making a move. Although I *think* I would be able to handle the rejection part, I really like this group, and he goes to a lot of the events, so I'm more worried about the awkwardness that might occur if I expressed my interest when he didn't feel the same way. I don't want to make things uncomfortable with this group.

There have been some positive signs though. A while back, he asked if I was dating anyone. He complimented me a couple of weeks ago and said I was one of the nicest women in the group. When we got separated from the group at one of the Meetup events and I commented that he would be stuck with me if we couldn't find the group again (I admit, I was totally fishing for a compliment on that one), he said that he was fine with that. At another event, when the conversation revolved around working out, he reached over and squeezed my arm to see if I had muscles (he had done that with one of his other friends right before.) He also asked for my number last week so that we could travel together the next time we were going to an event, since we both get on the subway at the same stop.

I want to believe that those signs are clues that he's interested, but he's about 10 years older than me. Although I generally connect better with guys who are older than me, I wonder if my age would prevent any interest on his part to go beyond being friends.

The search continues...


----------



## nautilus

^ I'd say it's worth a shot, go for it!  Even just seeing if he wants to hang out or do something that involves spending more time with you could lead to more clarity. If he declines or says he's busy, no harm done, especially if you just word it like a casual invitation. There's a whole range of ways to ask someone out, from the very obvious "this is a date" to the extremely ambiguous "probably just friends" way. In general, though, it's normal to invite people to go places; no one will think you're strange because of it (especially in a social group, I would think). As for the age thing it depends on the person, but I know for a fact that some men prefer younger women.

Props for joining Meetup, by the way! I've been starting to wonder if I should try something like that myself.


----------



## Barette

^I think it's worth a shot too! Those all sound like positive experiences, especially if he asked if you were dating anyone, people ask that for a reason, not for small talk. And if he made an excuse to touch your arm.


----------



## nautilus

Came across this guy, Matthew Hussey, when I was searching Youtube for tips on flirting (because that's the kind of thing I do :roll ) and I really like most of the advice he gives in his videos. Generally pretty straightforward stuff; not too much game playing.


----------



## deltarain8

^
with him? I'd do more then just arm grabbing :wink



nautilus said:


> Status: Preparing to blindly enter dating hell and hoping it will be worth it. I feel like Orpheus making a deal with Hades right now... just can't look back.


keep us updated on your adventures through dating land.


----------



## arnie




----------



## jc22

I am not doing anything cos i don't like guys :s


----------



## Lelsey

Nothing. I contemplated lots of things, many of which i am really not proud of. I didn't even know that I am capable of such thoughts until they bubbled up in my head. But luckily or unluckily, i have never had the courage to act on them. I am starting to think i should just give up on the idea that there is someone out there for me, once and for all.


----------



## greenee

Okay, here's mine: if any of you remember, I posted up a thread wondering if I should get a guy's phone number on my last day of work. I freaked out over it I barely had sleep that night and all I could think about was rehearsing what I would say to get the number, and what I would say if he rejected me. Well, I got his number, although it was more like an exchange. I went into work and completely forgot everything I had practised the night before. Some awkward attempts at conversation later, I asked if he'd like to keep in touch and he said yes so whoohoo, it was a one step forwards in my SA!

I went out with him one evening and he was 15 minutes late. I did not mind. I wore a hideously bright red jacket that I would never ever wear on my entire life because I don't like such flashy colours (but my friend said it looked nice on me so I took her word). I also wore shorts and leggings and usually I am uncomfortable about my body in general. I also did my hair and makeup. He came to the date in a tracksuit and jogging pants. Again, I didn't mind. 

We got food at McDonalds and it was the most awkward date ever. I must have got chicken and mayonnaise all over my mouth and probably had crap stuck between my teeth the entire time. He was nervous, and I was nervous. So we were both nervous which was a HORRIBLE COMBINATION!!! The lack of conversation got to me but we went for a movie next and sat in silence for a long time. 

Afterwards it was getting late so we decided to head home. He waited with me for my bus which I thought was sweet but when I got home and re-thought about the date events I thought I had messed it up real good because I was quiet, shy and nervous. What I was wearing that night also made me conscious and uncomfortable too. I wondered if I'd screwed it up real good and put him off me forever because of that. However, I plucked up the courage to thank him for the nice night via txt and he texted my back minutes later asking if I'd like to go out for food again (and gave me additional details like him getting a haircut tomorrow). I said yes. I don't know what to make of all that, but...

Yay


----------



## nautilus

^ :boogie:clap:yay

It sounds like texting him afterwards was just the right move, and the fact that he asked you out again is indeed a good sign! Some people run at the first sign of awkwardness, but it doesn't sound like he's that type. With any luck the conversation will get easier as you get more comfortable around each other. Keep up the good work!


----------



## komorikun

I seem to be attracted to dumb, cute guys that I have nothing in common with. Today a few people were doing a presentation in my class and this one really cute guy that I had noticed before was in one of the groups. Of course the hipsterish guy that I would probably have more in common with was against the death penalty in California and the cute guy was for it (a really genius :roll) . Have no attraction to the hipster.


----------



## enfield

^ do you go to the swamp sometimes. i think maybe i asked you that .... already. but whatever. i'm curious.


----------



## komorikun

enfield said:


> ^ do you go to XXX. i think maybe i asked you that .... already. but whatever. i'm curious.


Yeah. But could you delete the name of the school in your post? I don't want it to be searchable.


----------



## enfield

small world. i go to the swamp sometimes too.


----------



## komorikun

enfield said:


> small world. i go to the swamp sometimes too.


Sometimes?


----------



## enfield

yeah :/

i never seem to wake up on time to go when i'm supposed to. next semester, i'm scheduling my swamp visits for later.

i'm learning math at the swamp_, maybe _computer science. wbu?


----------



## pastels

Well the guy i tied up somehow got loose... so i shot him now im so lonely oh well now i gotta kidnap someone else


----------



## vitaminu100

Beyond "hi" and smiling, nothing much.


----------



## River In The Mountain

Nada. I gave it one last shot and now I'm done.


----------



## Emerald3

Attempting to chitchat via private message on facebook, as at work I can barely say a word to him apart from hi/bye.


Something interesting though, in the last year I have managed to learn more about him via PM's than I would have 'trying' to speak at work. Although the messages are sporadic, but we seem to speak better online than IRL!


----------



## arnie

I just wink at them and wait for them to hit on me.


----------



## Shinichi

Nothing, too much hassle.


----------



## vitaminu100

arnie said:


> I just wink at them and wait for them to hit on me.


lol


----------



## meganmila

Well it looks like that guy I chatted with on OkCupid..we are gonna meet..I'm guessing this weekend.. Haven't made plans yet...oh well we will see how this goes meh.


----------



## Cnidaria

I have decided to take some initiative and improve my general appearance. Apparently I can look half decent when I try, so I'm going to wearing my hair curly all the time, I've bought some new bits for my make up bag, and I've decided to dabble in shapewear. I don't need to talk to men, they can merely flock to me!


----------



## meganmila

Looks like this thread never gets any action...I guess there is just so many men here that are lonely or something. 

I guess I will keep it alive. Well met and yeah nothing lol. My eyes were all over the place...I think I have trouble keeping eye contact for long or I'm so distracted with other things. So yeah for now not really doing anything...there is just no one else.


----------



## pastelsound

Nothing. I barely even look


----------



## komorikun

I'm looking at demographic trends.


----------



## enfield

komorikun said:


> I'm looking at demographic trends.


 haha of what


----------



## enfield

oh yeah that sounds like complicated stuff. moving _and _being set up with a job. good luck investigating.


----------



## BillDauterive

komorikun said:


> Austin has a good sex ratio, cheap rents, low unemployment rate, and many Latinos but I don't know about living in Texas. The summers are horrid there too.


Houston is not too far from Austin. But I can very safely say that the summers are quite horrible over here. Its extremely hot and humid, you'll have to get used to 100+ F temperatures. > : (

I'm already a very indoorsy person so I am not too bothered but it still gets to me after 15 years being here. I prefer colder weather. I'm enjoying this "winter" weather of 50F as long as I can! Shame its going to go away soon. 

I think you will still like Austin though, I've been there several times. At least you should stop by when you can check it out for a bit.


----------



## komorikun

Changed my dating profile from SF to closer to silicon valley and am getting a lot more views. Interesting. Maybe there are lots of dudes that don't want to commute to SF. I really need more pics. My profile is such crap.


----------



## Kittycatt

I am currently doing nothing. I don't know how to walk up to a guy and talk to him. I mean, how can you tell someone is single?


----------



## deltarain8

komorikun said:


> The demographics of different cities. Racial composition (more Latinos or Italian-Americans the better), male to female ratio (more males the better), unemployment rates (I need a job), climate, rental prices.


I never thought about that. Interesting...


----------



## shy-one

Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


----------



## komorikun

shy-one said:


> Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


You're nuts, man. Literally fall into their lap? Only if you want to date someone who you have zero attraction to.

It is not easy at all. I virtually never have guys hit on me.


----------



## gunner21

Kittycatt said:


> I am currently doing nothing. I don't know how to walk up to a guy and talk to him. I mean, how can you tell someone is single?


I'm currently working on a device that will determine this.

Basically, green bracelet for single, blue for taken, and red for "playa".


----------



## gunner21

shy-one said:


> Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


That is only true if the girl is good looking.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

komorikun said:


> Changed my dating profile from SF to closer to silicon valley and am getting a lot more views. Interesting. Maybe there are lots of dudes that don't want to commute to SF. I really need more pics. My profile is such crap.


My sis always takes great photos of girls. I'll send her up to you.


----------



## Barette

shy-one said:


> Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


What else did you learn from your experiences as a woman?


----------



## ericastooge

I'm waiting for a man to come to me first. I don't really make the move. But for my future husband, I am trying to learn many things to cook, and I all ready like cleaning, so who ever I marry I'll love to pamper him at home. Just want him to love and respect me back.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

meganmila said:


> It's true that this thread is not that active as the other one. There's lots of lonely men up in here..or *women here are already in relationships or don't care about being in one.*


Ding ding ding


----------



## komorikun

The other thread just has the same guys posting in it over and over again.


----------



## enfield

komorikun said:


> You're nuts, man. Literally fall into their lap? Only if you want to date someone who you have zero attraction to.
> 
> It is not easy at all. I virtually never have guys hit on me.


omg i can try...

give me a second...

_i like your posts._

okay that's me virtually hitting on you :b (i know it doesn't compare to real life).


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

Paper Samurai said:


> Wait some women with SA have a hard time getting in relationships ?
> 
> This is not matching up with the detailed theories I keep reading in certain threads on here. :um


There's an anomaly, we must investigate...


----------



## meganmila

shy-one said:


> Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


:roll It's easy if you just want sex...even that is hard honestly..you always get the guys you are not really attractive too. I think we can afford to be picky. Also for me it's hard to find a connection and form relationships. No one seems to give me chance.

So yeah they will look at you and all but for a serious thing? Think twice on that. This is such bulls*it to the girls have it easier debate...how about not making this a competition. Geez loweezz..

So f*cking stupid....yes women have it easier...keep telling yourself that.

This also falls into the debate that cause women have it easier cause omg guys wants sex 24/7 like all the time!!!!! And women are little angels that never admit to wanting sex omg grossss!!!

Ughhhh..yes sarcastic....just tired of it.

And also some women are actually afraid of approaching men..I know I am...I can go on all night.


----------



## Paper Samurai

Barette said:


> What else did you learn from your experiences as a woman?


That he quite enjoys romance novels and flower arranging, oh and that he also looks fabulous in a tutu. :b


----------



## dingdong

I'm working on getting myself to be the type of person guys would want to date- improving appearance, getting more/varied hobbies. I'm training my dog so we can be a therapy team and go out into the world to help people, working on learning to love hiking and running, taking more online classes so my mind won't stagnate, stuff like that. I'm also just trying to get out and talk to people more in general, as I think that's the thing that's holding me back the most right now.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> You're nuts, man. Literally fall into their lap? Only if you want to date someone who you have zero attraction to.
> 
> It is not easy at all. I virtually never have guys hit on me.


I think I have a better understanding of your dilemma now that I'm more immersed in the dating game. It's easier for women to get laid. But a relationship is hard. This girl I went on a date with is slightly older than me and she's looking to get married in the next few years. I'm sexually attracted to her and she's a sweetheart. But I can't but think "I can do better" in the back of my mind because she's chubby (I don't recall her weight being to the point of being a dealbreaker though. I like women with some meat) and her face is kinda butterface-ish. But yet I still find her sexually attractive (and it's not like I'm very loose with who I consider sexually attractive. I have banged a girl way below my level before just to get laid and felt disgusted with myself. This isn't one of those situations). She is like a 5-6 in terms of looks I guess. Though I have a feeling that my friends and family would think I'm being generous and say that she's fugly (behind my back at least). And I had wondered if people in public would think "dude, he's just looking to get laid" or "man he's settling" when they see us together.

This girl had a match answer on OKCupid that suggested she was open to casual sex (which is why I messaged her. I'm not going to lie). But then after I started talking with her, she changed her answer. I feel like either she doesn't want me to think she's a ****. Or she uses sex to lure a guy into a relationship. And when I saw her in-person (she's more attractive in-person) and got to know her more and kissed her, I felt like I could date her. But I still have the desire to "upgrade" because I feel like I could do better. It's still in the early stages ffs and I already fear commitment! lol. I wonder what that says about me? lol.

A part of me wants to just **** and hang out with her (**** buddy) and then date other girls on the side so that I can ****-it-up while I'm still young and work on finding a girlfriend closer to "my level" in terms of looks to "upgrade" to. And even if I find it difficult to find more attractive girls to **** it up with, I have seen escorts in the past and I can always get back into that again [this is a more female-dominated thread so I'd imagine I would be stoned for having been a john. Women in my experience are strongly opposed to prostitution and have a very negative view of men who have seen prostitutes. I always use condoms for sex and I got tested for STDs and pissed clean so I don't see the big deal]. There's one in particular I really have been dying to sleep with. But once I get into a relationship (which may likely happen in the not-so-distant future), I can't fool around anymore.

Another part of me feels like I should be grateful if a nice girl (who may not be quite what I want physically) comes into my life. I feel like this girl could be good for me and give me something more meaningful than having casual sex with girls and seeing hot escorts who will do nasty things for me. Plus looks fade over time and aren't the most important factor in a relationship. I see hot women with less attractive guys all the time.

My situation isn't quite the same as yours since you don't find these guys attractive at all. Meanwhile I find the girl attractive. But I feel torn between my reptilian brain wanting a more attractive girlfriend and/or getting lots of ***** while I'm still young. And my more moralistic forebrain, whom is telling me that I shouldn't not let a good woman in my life just because she's beneath me in terms of looks and that I could regret pushing away a good woman. She could make me happy.


----------



## komorikun

I mean I could go on dates with guys I don't find attractive but I just feel kind of stupid. Like I'm wasting their time and my time. I'm a really bad actress and have trouble faking being attracted to someone. I can't flirt with someone I have no attraction to. If I'm attracted to the guy the date goes so fast and I really enjoy it. If I'm not into it I can take it or leave it. I do enjoy having someone to go places with. Even if I did give it a try I know the guy will kind of figure out just how little I'm into the whole thing. 

I went on a couple dates with this Japanese guy a half a year ago. He was nice and easy to talk to. I thought he was okay looking but I wasn't terribly excited to kiss him or anything. Then for the 3rd date he was talking about watching a movie at his place and because he lives with a roommate it would be in his room. And by the end of the 2nd date I just didn't feel like kissing him. Didn't help that once I smelled his breath and it didn't smell that great. So I decided to not go on that 3rd date. 

It just feels weird to date someone I don't get those feelings for. With all my previous boyfriends I'd just look at them and my heart would start beating faster and I'd really want to touch them/kiss them.

Hopefully it will be better in Miami. I'm more attracted to the guys (looked at a few profiles on OkCupid) there than the ones in SF.


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> It just feels weird to date someone I don't get those feelings for. With all my previous boyfriends I'd just look at them and my heart would start beating faster and I'd really want to touch them/kiss them.


Well one more proof that *most* women also *mostly* go for the looks 

But its ok, we do it too *mostly* We only need to weed out that myth that looks for women arent that important. :no Guess that myth is one of making all the $ for the PUA industry....(in every text they state looks arent that important, just to get all the $ for their ****ty books and workshops from ugly fat guys). Sorry OT.

But would you date a guy ugly, fat and poor ? Even if he is on top of the "game" ? And very confident and funny? You would date him as a friend to have a laugh with him, but not sleep with him, would you? Btw: Thats not me, only the poor applies for me he


----------



## Koolio

@Nexus, Can you not completely derail this thread???


----------



## komorikun

God, it's so embarrassing. I was messing around with the photos on my profile and I see someone I know in real life looked at my profile just now. Luckily I don't run into him anymore but still.... Why does everyone have to be on that f'in site? I wish I could change my username too.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> God, it's so embarrassing. I was messing around with the photos on my profile and I see someone I know in real life looked at my profile just now. Luckily I don't run into him anymore but still.... Why does everyone have to be on that f'in site? I wish I could change my username too.


If you pay for OKCupid A-list ($10/month) you can change your username.


----------



## Cnidaria

There's a guy at uni who's pretty hot, he actually spoke to me a few times last year in the bar (not even for a particular reason we're not in the same year, we do different subjects), although I was my typical 'outgoing/friendly yet still horribly awkward self' and just ruined everything I'm definitely keeping my eye on him this year. Also apparently he's slept with a lot of people in a variety of locations on campus, and although such rumours don't make him husband material, I'm not really interested in/actively looking for a serious relationship.
Then again because I've never gotten masses of attention from guys I'm probably making something of a tiny little bit of friendly interaction that doesn't mean anything more than it does.


----------



## Royals

To get a girl I just stay myself. What else to do?


----------



## meganmila

Online dating sucks. I only got lucky once with the whole dating thing. And now that site has gotten weird and kind of scares me. OkCupid I basically get nothing. I dunno if it's the photos or what. I have messaged guys before and they seem uninterested. I have recently finally met someone from there but nothing happened. It is so f*cking difficult to find someone you connect with and that someone likes you back. It just seems like no one ever gives me a chance and to know I can be cool. Then there are times I just give up which I dunno what I want anymore. I want to try new experiences. But I have no idea where to find these type of guys...geeez.


----------



## phoenixwright

meganmila said:


> Online dating sucks. I only got lucky once with the whole dating thing. And now that site has gotten weird and kind of scares me. OkCupid I basically get nothing. I dunno if it's the photos or what. I have messaged guys before and they seem uninterested. I have recently finally met someone from there but nothing happened. It is so f*cking difficult to find someone you connect with and that someone likes you back. It just seems like no one ever gives me a chance and to know I can be cool. Then there are times I just give up which I dunno what I want anymore. I want to try new experiences. But I have no idea where to find these type of guys...geeez.


It's interesting that this is your experience. My perspective is that men are largely desperate, especially on online dating sites, and are largely looking to get laid, especially on online dating sites. Having put up a fake female profile on OKCupid before, I can confirm these things.


----------



## meganmila

phoenixwright said:


> It's interesting that this is your experience. My perspective is that men are largely desperate, especially on online dating sites, and are largely looking to get laid, especially on online dating sites. Having put up a fake female profile on OKCupid before, I can confirm these things.


On POF they are. OkCupid is different. I'm telling the truth to I never really get action on my profile. And like I said talking to guys and then they stop talking to me. Maybe I have a boring profile or something. I mean I don't want a million messages just a few. I dunno why I'm the only one like this..oh well. I do keep getting this someone chose you. I don't know what that means. I really don't know how to make it interesting. Maybe someone should help me lol


----------



## phoenixwright

Guys on OKCupid are more high-brow. But lots of horndogs on there too. Including me. We just happen to be more high-brow horndogs. When I wear my hipster glasses, I look like my IQ jumped up 15 points and more like a young urban professional (I am one but at least now I look the part! lol). But I'm just as dirty whether I look high-brow or not.


----------



## meganmila

phoenixwright said:


> Guys on OKCupid are more high-brow. But lots of horndogs on there too. Including me. We just happen to be more high-brow horndogs. When I wear my hipster glasses, I look like my IQ jumped up 15 points and more like a young urban professional (I am one but at least now I look the part! lol). But I'm just as dirty whether I look high-brow or not.


You mean their picky? lol...that's understandable.


----------



## komorikun

What is up with dudes with no pics on their profile sending messages on POF? They send the pic in the message but weird. Makes me think they are married or something.

And guys who don't even live in the area but say they are coming here to visit and if I could show them around town? As if. :roll


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> What is up with dudes with no pics on their profile sending messages on POF? They send the pic in the message but weird. Makes me think they are married or something.
> 
> And guys who don't even live in the area but say they are coming here to visit and if I could show them around town? As if. :roll


I dont see much wrongs in both examples ?

a) They dont want to put a pic up that can be seen be everyone anonymous in the nets (I am in the same boat tho I did put up pics on dating sites, as I got no responses I deleted them) - some people are also concerned with privacy in the nets like me.
b) I guess having a tour guide is a good thing and you as the guide may meet some interesting persons this way...


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> It's very fishy to not have pics up especially if the guy is 30+.
> 
> I'm looking for a relationship. Not interested in dating a tourist who will only be here a week. What would be the point in that? Can't even turn into a fwb situation. Couchsurfing.org would be where you would look for a friendly local to show you around, not a dating site.
> 
> I don't know.. maybe if the guy was hot I might think about it since I do need to get laid. But it's just too embarrassing to tell someone that I never go out and have no idea where is fun to go to in this city. I'm in my bedroom or at school 99% of the time.


Ok, I am not anymore into online dating, so I only can tell that I met some women years ago with advertisments in underground music magazines. Not everyone was looking for a relationship some wanted only to exchange music and have someone to go out with to concerts etc. This were real letters send back then, I sent my pic if requested by them. Seems 10 years ago or so I had some decent pics or the women weren´t that hard on looks than today (they have more options now anyway)

I met 2 women which came here and I showed them eg. a club, our castle and with one of them I went to the quite big flea market we have here. So I was kind of a "guide" for them. I also visited 2 women in other cities we go to a club or listen music with their friends. No sexuel things though. I was involved with 2 women I met with this method (erotical but not sex)....

This was ca. 2000-2008 or so when even me had a chance to meet people with this method. Today nothing more. I only tell these examples that I dont find your examples strange from my POV. If the sites in question are purely for dating and relationships then I would agree with you, but I find nothing wrong to just meet people and see what comes out of it....I would gladly do this again if it still worked like years ago (seems like dark past today - I even had a kind of social life, went out sometimes and had some mates - no real friends sadly)


----------



## Nexus777

Thanks for the hint, took a quick look seems there are much people even in my area on this site, and the women even fill out meaningfull things in their profiles - thats rare  Whow they even write complete sentences there......hehe. Seems most women are looking for other women though. But this site seems ok will explore.

I also think theres nothing wrong with looking for sex btw. If both like to have it, why not? But personnaly I would like to know the women for some time before I would go to bed with her. I dont want children or any troubles in this direction. So I would obviously not agree to sex early on even if I had the opportunity (but I haven´t had for years)....


----------



## komorikun

Nexus777 said:


> Thanks for the hint, took a quick look seems there are much people even in my area on this site, and the women even fill out meaningfull things in their profiles - thats rare  Whow they even write complete sentences there......hehe. Seems most women are looking for other women though. But this site seems ok will explore.


Yeah, it's a nice site. But just remember it's not a dating site...so. You'll get in trouble if you try to use it that way and get bad reviews/references. It's a big no no to make advances on someone surfing your couch unless it's pretty obvious that they want you to.

I stayed at this one guy's (Brazilian guy) place and only years later when I was chatting with him on messenger did he tell me that he had the hots for me. But he didn't do anything cause it's sort of sketchy to hit on your surfer. It's too bad though. He was pretty cute.


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> What is up with dudes with no pics on their profile sending messages on POF? They send the pic in the message but weird. Makes me think they are married or something.
> 
> And guys who don't even live in the area but say they are coming here to visit and if I could show them around town? As if. :roll


POF? lol


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I don't know.. maybe if the guy was hot I might think about it since I do need to get laid. But it's just too embarrassing to tell someone that I never go out and have no idea where is fun to go to in this city. I'm in my bedroom or at school 99% of the time.


Well I came back to this paragraph - I just were thinking about that you want "hot" or "sweet" guys... but what do you have to offer for them. If you dont go out, dont know much places etc. ? I know we all want the "hot", "sweet" "pretty" people, not only women or you personally... me too. But if you dont have much to offer these people, we should not complain or wonder about that those aren´t interested in us. I have a few things to offer (but that would be OT).


----------



## komorikun

Nexus777 said:


> Well I came back to this paragraph - I just were thinking about that you want "hot" or "sweet" guys... but what do you have to offer for them. If you dont go out, dont know much places etc. ? I know we all want the "hot", "sweet" "pretty" people, not only women or you personally... me too. But if you dont have much to offer these people, we should not complain or wonder about that those aren´t interested in us. I have a few things to offer (but that would be OT).


For a relationship the guy does not need to be hot. He just has to attractive to me (when I look at him I get the urge to kiss him) and we have to have some stuff in common and be able to get along. But for casual sex, yes, the guy has to be hot (personality doesn't matter much).

I really don't feel the need to talk about what I have to offer or not. That is not the point of the thread.


----------



## Wacky Wednesdays

Had an epiphany recently...I tend to fall for good looking, emotionally unavailable guys because my self esteem isn't very high. Haven't given nice guys much of a chance...but that will hopefully change. 

'We accept the love we think we deserve'


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I really don't feel the need to talk about what I have to offer or not. That is not the point of the thread.


You dont need to, it was just a small hint  Hope it came across right..


----------



## anomalous

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> Had an epiphany recently...I tend to fall for good looking, emotionally unavailable guys because my self esteem isn't very high. Haven't given nice guys much of a chance...but that will hopefully change.
> 
> 'We accept the love we think we deserve'


I find this concept both confusing and fascinating, and I've heard/read it from plenty of other women, too. Would you mind elaborating a bit?

It would seem to me that "good-looking, emotionally unavailable guys" are the most in-demand among young women such as yourself. Thus, there's a lot of competition, and only the top women get them. So it perplexes me how a low sense of self-worth would lead one to think they "deserve" such men.

Conversely, the stereotypical meek "nice guy" is in very low demand, and your girlfriends would probably give you sh-t about it if you dated one. Dating a nice guy could almost be seen as an admission of undesirability in our culture. If anything, I'd expect someone with low self-esteem to avoid this situation because they _fear_ further hurting their own image and social standing. Which is sort of the opposite of "believing you aren't good enough to deserve a nice guy."

Not trying to pick on you, just figured this was a good place to ask since you described the concept so clearly.


----------



## komorikun

anomalous said:


> I find this concept both confusing and fascinating, and I've heard/read it from plenty of other women, too. Would you mind elaborating a bit?
> 
> It would seem to me that "good-looking, emotionally unavailable guys" are the most in-demand among young women such as yourself. Thus, there's a lot of competition, and only the top women get them. So it perplexes me how a low sense of self-worth would lead one to think they "deserve" such men.
> 
> Conversely, the stereotypical meek "nice guy" is in very low demand, and your girlfriends would probably give you sh-t about it if you dated one. Dating a nice guy could almost be seen as an admission of undesirability in our culture. If anything, I'd expect someone with low self-esteem to avoid this situation because they _fear_ further hurting their own image and social standing. Which is sort of the opposite of "believing you aren't good enough to deserve a nice guy."
> 
> Not trying to pick on you, just figured this was a good place to ask since you described the concept so clearly.


You have it backwards. If you are in demand (good-looking/wealthy/funny) by the opposite sex you don't have to be nice to get dates. So some decide not to be nice and they get away with it. If you are not in demand (ugly/poor/boring) then you HAVE to be nice to get anywhere. That doesn't mean they are truly nice people though. If they were popular many would be a-holes. Like bosses can be a-holes if they want to be but not all are. Employees have to be nice at least to their superiors, otherwise they will get fired. I'm sure many employees who are nice to their superiors are not nice to their coworkers/family/friends.

I don't know about the whole low sense of self-worth thing though. I'm not a shrink. Maybe people with a low sense of self-worth will tolerate more bull-sh*t.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

shy-one said:


> Is this meant to be a joke? Why does this even need to be asked? Women don't need to do anything and many guys will literally fall into their laps. If this isn't happening then something is seriously wrong. Women have it so easy when it comes to dating.


True in some cases, but not in others.


----------



## anomalous

komorikun said:


> You have it backwards. If you are in demand (good-looking/wealthy/funny) by the opposite sex you don't have to be nice to get dates. So some decide not to be nice and they get away with it. If you are not in demand (ugly/poor/boring) then you HAVE to be nice to get anywhere. That doesn't mean they are truly nice people though. If they were popular many would be a-holes. Like bosses can be a-holes if they want to be but not all are. Employees have to be nice at least to their superiors, otherwise they will get fired. I'm sure many employees who are nice to their superiors are not nice to their coworkers/family/friends.


I agree with most of this, but I think it's an entirely different topic than what Wacky Wednesdays was talking about.

She said that she goes after "good-looking, emotionally unavailable men" because she thinks she "doesn't deserve better." It seems that you agree with my point that these men are actually the most in-demand, and so it would stand to reason that if a woman believes she "deserves" one of them, she must think she's quite attractive and valuable.

Conversely, if a woman has low self-esteem, she can always lower herself to going out with the "boring nice guy" who will accept just about anyone.



> I don't know about the whole low sense of self-worth thing though. I'm not a shrink. Maybe people with a low sense of self-worth will tolerate more bull-sh*t.


I'm sure they will tolerate more. But that, too, is a separate topic from the mind-bending notion of "I'm so worthless that I only deserve the most attractive, sought-after men." It's basically an oxymoron. My suspicion is that it's a way of framing poor choices through the lens of conjured-up victimization (rather than just "I make poor choices with men because they're instantly-gratifying and feel good"), but I'm willing to hear alternatives from women who say this kind of stuff. Maybe I'm just missing something.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Barette said:


> Once in a blue moon a guy will smile at me, and I'll get terrified and look straight at the floor. I want to change this and start smiling back, and once and a while I'm gonna try making eye contact and maybe giving a tiny smile. I'm not doing this in hopes of approaching anyone or having anyone approach me, but I want to get over this fear of showing any interst in someone. I'm never going to have anyone with how I am right now. I can talk to guys a lot easier than girls, but that's cause I don't think guys can be attracted to me so there's none of that nervousness from that.
> 
> I'm starting to learn that how I feel I'm presenting myself, and how I actually come off, are two different things. A few months ago I worked with a guy and another girl at my mom's job, and I was a nervous wreck from anxiety, but I tried to be more talkative and asked each of them a lot of questions and tried to make conversation. I thought he thought I was weird, and I thought she thought I was annoying. I was kicking myself for days afterwards. Turns out, she tells my mom that I am really friendly and nice, and that I have a very open personality and am easy to talk to (I'd worked with her before and after that time, too). Now, today, my mom tells me that the guy asked if I was coming back to work anytime soon, and that I'm low key and chill (and my mom asked if he wanted the other girl to come back and work, and he said "who?" and when she reminded him about her he was like "Oh... yeah I think I remember her", and both she and I only worked with him that one day, so he remembered me well and not her (though, she left an hour or two earlier than me)). So I don't know how I'm going to go about separating how I perceive myself and how others perceive me. So like, I get terrified just talking in a normal social situation, so if I'm talking to someone with the hopes that there's some kind of attraction, I don't know how I wouldn't feel like a freak.
> 
> I wanna be back in CT, I actually got attention every once and a while there. I don't know what they put in the water in NC but everyone is so attractive here, it's intimidating.


as far as smiling goes i used to have the same problem... what helped me was forcing myself to be the first to smile... if u can smile at someone first it makes it really easy to smile back at someone who is already smiling at u... good luck hope this helps... and it doesnt even have to be a guy ur interested in... i found that if i just smiled at random people it made it easier to smile at girls i was interested in, and this is coming from a guy who has a deep seated fear of smiling due to being called a chipmunk by a girl he had a crush on in elementary and embarrassed infront of the class


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> For a relationship the guy does not need to be hot. He just has to attractive to me (when I look at him I get the urge to kiss him) and we have to have some stuff in common and be able to get along. But for casual sex, yes, the guy has to be hot (personality doesn't matter much).


It's odd how the situation is the opposite for men and women. Men will lower their standards to obtain casual sex. But will raise their standards when looking for a girlfriend. Women will lower their standards when looking for a boyfriend. But raise her standards when looking for a one-night stand or fling. This leads to attractive guys hooking up with unattractive women and attractive women getting into relationships with unattractive guys.

Relationship-wise, I think I have relaxed my standards more than reasonably. I think it's because 2-3 years ago I switched to amateur porn instead of watching the professional stuff. I find "chubby" (not obese) girls more sexy than I used to. I could date a chubby girl with a pretty face and not feel like I have to upgrade. But if her face isn't up to a certain standard, I'm not interested in a relationship with them. I would rather date a chubby (but cute) girl that was open and kinky in bed (I don't now if it's just my imagination but from my observation on OKCupid it seems like in general chubbier girls are more enthuasiatic about oral and anal sex and things like hair pulling and rough sex than thinner girls. They're more willing to give their boyfriend a pornstar experience. Whereas the hot girl doesn't feel like she has to do much) than a hot girl who was vanilla in bed. That is more important to me than having some nice arm candy.

A lot of guys have unbelievably ridiculous standards for a girlfriend. And I suspect it's because they watch too much porn or drool over "celebs". They should switch to amateur porn.


----------



## Scorpio90

I dont know how to do it, even how to keep a guy, anyone knows?


----------



## meganmila

phoenixwright said:


> It's odd how the situation is the opposite for men and women. Men will lower their standards to obtain casual sex. But will raise their standards when looking for a girlfriend. Women will lower their standards when looking for a boyfriend. But raise her standards when looking for a one-night stand or fling. This leads to attractive guys hooking up with unattractive women and attractive women getting into relationships with unattractive guys.
> 
> Relationship-wise, I think I have relaxed my standards more than reasonably. I think it's because 2-3 years ago I switched to amateur porn instead of watching the professional stuff. I find "chubby" (not obese) girls more sexy than I used to. I could date a chubby girl with a pretty face and not feel like I have to upgrade. But if her face isn't up to a certain standard, I'm not interested in a relationship with them. I would rather date a chubby (but cute) girl that was open and kinky in bed (I don't now if it's just my imagination but from my observation on OKCupid it seems like in general chubbier girls are more enthuasiatic about oral and anal sex and things like hair pulling and rough sex than thinner girls. They're more willing to give their boyfriend a pornstar experience. Whereas the hot girl doesn't feel like she has to do much) than a hot girl who was vanilla in bed. That is more important to me than having some nice arm candy.
> 
> A lot of guys have unbelievably ridiculous standards for a girlfriend. And I suspect it's because they watch too much porn or drool over "celebs". They should switch to amateur porn.


Meh, for me I have to be attracted to them physically. Yes I done the whole not very attractive guys..but you know what I ended up finding them even more attractive after I got to know them and he had a great body. Of course looks attract people..more so then others. I've been with average guys just for sex. But that was back when I was really impulsive with stuff and wanted to experience new things..I was new at everything. But it is really thrilling when you get a hot guy. I sometimes think of the hot guy I got. It's true that personality does mean a lot. If you are a s*it bag then screw you. I still have to find you cute in a relationship though...I don't think I have high standards that much but maybe I am little bit more picky. I like the skinny but with little muscle guys and brunette and bright eyes. But I don't have to get them. It will be nice though.

Guys shouldn't have to lower their standards but heh...I do see a lot on here guys have high standards for girlfriends....any body that is not a plus 10 gets nothing from them meh. Maybe women are more accepting in some ways.


----------



## meganmila

Scorpio90 said:


> I dont know how to do it, even how to keep a guy, anyone knows?


I don't know how to keep a guy either...I totally relate...


----------



## komorikun

I mean the guys I had casual sex with before weren't like models or anything. Several were a bit short and a few had a bit of extra pudge. They were definitely cute though. Five had exquisite penises. Good memories for thinking of during masturbation.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

komorikun said:


> You have it backwards. If you are in demand (good-looking/wealthy/funny) by the opposite sex you don't have to be nice to get dates. So some decide not to be nice and they get away with it. If you are not in demand (ugly/poor/boring) then you HAVE to be nice to get anywhere. That doesn't mean they are truly nice people though. If they were popular many would be a-holes. Like bosses can be a-holes if they want to be but not all are. Employees have to be nice at least to their superiors, otherwise they will get fired. I'm sure many employees who are nice to their superiors are not nice to their coworkers/family/friends.
> 
> I don't know about the whole low sense of self-worth thing though. I'm not a shrink. Maybe people with a low sense of self-worth will tolerate more bull-sh*t.


I haven't thought of it this way before. This solves the whole bad boy/nice guy argument.

Being nice is clearly a quality trait. It's just not at the top of a girl's priority list when it comes to dating. It's more like the proverbial cherry on top. Because it's difficult to determine the honesty of a man's perceived kindness, women cannot base a man's value on niceness alone.

The number one attribute is a man's looks. However, a certain condition must be met. He must communicate to her that he's a normal guy, that he's not a creep. Otherwise, everything gets thrown out the window. Fortunately, the majority of very attractive men grow up with so much external validation from girls, that they don't become creeps.

An extremely attractive man can be poor and boring, and still have enough value that women will flock to him. Take away from his attractiveness point by point and watch his stock plummet.

There are so many combinations that can be constructed. Ugly/boring/wealthy. Good-looking/funny/poor. Ugly/funny/poor. Then the subjectivity comes into play for each attribute.

It makes me ponder what I am. As far as looks go, I would say I'm marginally attractive. Personality-wise, lightly funny. Financially, poor. So how in demand is my combo (marginally-attractive/lightly-funny/poor)? In a 20 mile radius, there are probably hundreds of thousands of female prospects. My likelihood of finding a match is probably good, if I put myself out there enough. In some cases, I could probably afford to be more of an ***hole than a nice guy. However, for most of my life, I've been a nice guy. For some people, being nice is a learned and applied behavior. For others, it's more intrinsic to who they are.

When I think about your theory, there's something else I wonder. If a guy behaves overly nice to a girl (all other attributes notwithstanding), does that lower his value in a girl's eyes. For instance, if a good looking guy who makes good money still acts super nice to her, does that raise an unnecessary red flag? Would the girl be thinking, "he's showing the same type of niceness that ugly/poor/boring guys show me, so is he really as high value as he appears? Is he insecure about something I should know about?".


----------



## ManOfFewWords

ManOfFewWords said:


> When I think about your theory, there's something else I wonder. If a guy behaves overly nice to a girl (all other attributes notwithstanding), does that lower his value in a girl's eyes. For instance, if a good looking guy who makes good money still acts super nice to her, does that raise an unnecessary red flag? Would the girl be thinking, "he's showing the same type of niceness that ugly/poor/boring guys show me, so is he really as high value as he appears? Is he insecure about something I should know about?".


And conversely, if a man acts like an ***hole, does that raise his value in her eyes? This man must be confident about something (be it his wealth, self-esteem, skills). I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but if he can afford to be an ***hole, there must be something to him.


----------



## meganmila

I really don't like this generalization that women only like idiots :/ Really guys? If they start to act like a holes I'll just stop talking them...I don't hold grudges that well but if someone really insulted me...ugh. Swift kicking in the nads.


----------



## Azaria

meganmila said:


> I don't know how to keep a guy either...I totally relate...


^ Same :/ I end up dating a guy.... finding out he's a cheater, looser, or I ruin it by being to obsessive?


----------



## ManOfFewWords

meganmila said:


> I really don't like this generalization that women only like idiots :/ Really guys? If they start to act like a holes I'll just stop talking them...I don't hold grudges that well but if someone really insulted me...ugh. Swift kicking in the nads.


It's more of a generalization about men than it is women. Most women have men figured out, as pointed out in komorikun's post. I agree completely with her.


----------



## Wacky Wednesdays

anomalous said:


> I find this concept both confusing and fascinating, and I've heard/read it from plenty of other women, too. Would you mind elaborating a bit?
> 
> It would seem to me that "good-looking, emotionally unavailable guys" are the most in-demand among young women such as yourself. Thus, there's a lot of competition, and only the top women get them. So it perplexes me how a low sense of self-worth would lead one to think they "deserve" such men.
> 
> Conversely, the stereotypical meek "nice guy" is in very low demand, and your girlfriends would probably give you sh-t about it if you dated one. Dating a nice guy could almost be seen as an admission of undesirability in our culture. If anything, I'd expect someone with low self-esteem to avoid this situation because they _fear_ further hurting their own image and social standing. Which is sort of the opposite of "believing you aren't good enough to deserve a nice guy."
> 
> Not trying to pick on you, just figured this was a good place to ask since you described the concept so clearly.


It's too confusing a concept to be explained and generalised. From my own experiences, I do it because I am also emotionally unavailable. I'm terrified of a secure relationship with for a nice guy for various reasons...low self esteem, existential anxiety etc

I don't really understand my self sabotaging behaviour. Maybe I'm just superficial and like the thrill of picking unattainable, attractive guys...always wanting what you can't have? or maybe I'm scared I'll be bored of the nice guy. Maybe I'm afraid of relationships period because the idea of letting someone in -getting to know the real you, your history & insecurities- is too terrifying. Maybe I'm just a little crazy and need more life experience /shrug

It boils down to low self worth and a lack of self assurance.


----------



## na0mi

I'm not doing anything but waiting for the perfect time and the right person to show up when I least expect it... : /


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I mean the guys I had casual sex with before weren't like models or anything. Several were a bit short and a few had a bit of extra pudge. They were definitely cute though. Five had exquisite penises. Good memories for thinking of during masturbation.


Whow how many guys have you had ? And what was so cool with their penises ?  You seem to have most experience here with sex it seems (if your posts are true :teeth)....

i also "use" some ex female friends I once had for masturbation btw. HAHA It sux, I would like to have the real thing with them (back in the days I had a very low number of female "friends" which I miss dearly, these weren´t very hot women and I had no real relationships but still much better days)


----------



## komorikun

Nexus777 said:


> Whow how many guys have you had ? And what was so cool with their penises ?  You seem to have most experience here with sex it seems (if your posts are true :teeth)....
> 
> i also use some ex female friends I have for masturbation btw. It sux, I would like to have the real thing with them (back in the days I had a very low number of female "friends" which I miss dearly, these weren´t very hot women and I had no real relationships but still much better days)


I had a good time when I was abroad.  Whenever I come back to this country I revert back to being a nun. It's so depressing. 

I don't know, their penises just were.... perfect. Just the right shape and size. Beautiful.


----------



## meganmila

Are the guys there that different Kom? Compared to American guys? Is it because you are unique to them they will get with you?


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I had a good time when I was abroad.  Whenever I come back to this country I revert back to being a nun. It's so depressing.
> 
> I don't know, their penises just were.... perfect. Just the right shape and size. Beautiful.


Ah this was south america right ? Well there a number of countries which are quite "open" so to speak. I guess Spain or Italy would serve, too. But whats the difference are the men in the country you were too more agressive (not nice guys?) or just more good looking or they just liked a foreign woman?

Man I hate penises I tell you :teeth I can hardly watch normal pron course of the ugly guys and penises in there, this is why I prefer lesbian or woman masturbating stuff.........That women find penises beautiful is a strange thought to me....


----------



## flamingwind

not a damn thing


----------



## Elleire

Only by the combined powers of sheer dumb luck, freak circumstance, and copious amounts of alcohol did I catch (and manage to keep) mine.

Certainly not the most proactive way to go about it... but it worked. :stu


----------



## meganmila

danbie said:


> I'm not doing anything but waiting for the perfect time and the right person to show up when I least expect it... : /


That's what I'm sort of doing. I'm not gonna stress about it.


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> Are the guys there that different Kom? Compared to American guys? Is it because you are unique to them they will get with you?


I don't know how different they are. Latinos are much more into kissing which was very fun. American guys are kind of cold in comparison. American guys are better at going down I would say but that's about it.

The main thing was I got more attention there than here because I was foreign and exotic to them. Way more attention. In both Japan and South America. Even in Brazil where many women are white and I could pass for Brazilian if I kept my mouth shut. But once they heard the accent then they were like.... :mushy And I'm more attracted to Latinos (esp. Brazilians) in general. Not really into what is on offer in SF so much.

Here I'm just one of millions of other American white women. So most guys feel sort of "meh" about me.


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> I don't know how different they are. Latinos are much more into kissing which was very fun. American guys are kind of cold in comparison. American guys are better at going down I would say but that's about it.
> 
> The main thing was I got more attention there than here because I was foreign and exotic to them. Way more attention. In both Japan and South America. Even in Brazil where many women are white and I could pass for Brazilian if I kept my mouth shut. But once they heard the accent then they were like.... :mushy And I'm more attracted to Latinos (esp. Brazilians) in general. Not really into what is on offer in SF so much.
> 
> Here I'm just one of millions of other American white women. So most guys feel sort of "meh" about me.


I like kissing lol.

That tends to make sense. If you are different or stand out you will get a lot more attention. Like say I heard a British guy or Aussie guy around here or like that girl from Amsterdam people would want to get to know you. Or just think you are so exotic.


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I like kissing lol.
> 
> That tends to make sense. If you are different or stand out you will get a lot more attention. Like say I heard a British guy or Aussie guy around here or like that girl from Amsterdam people would want to get to know you. Or just think you are so exotic.


I think foreigners in the US don't get quite that much attention, except for maybe a few European nationalities. Cause there are already sooo many foreigners living here. Especially in big cities seems like 30-50% of the people are from another country. In Western Europe and Australia it may be the same.

But in Japan (they are very good at keeping out immigrants) and most 3rd world countries there are very few foreigners. Maybe less than 1% of the population, so the attention you get is amazing. So I felt like a half-starved kid in a candy store. "I'll take you and you .....and you.....and you."


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> I think foreigners in the US don't get quite that much attention, except for maybe a few European nationalities. Cause there are already sooo many foreigners living here. Especially in big cities seems like 30-50% of the people are from another country. In Western Europe and Australia it may be the same.
> 
> But in Japan (they are very good at keeping out immigrants) and most 3rd world countries there are very few foreigners. Maybe less than 1% of the population, so the attention you get is amazing.


That is true...but I would still love to meet some Aussie guy :/ There's lots of Latinos here but there may be a difference between The Brazilians you are talking about then our Latinos.


----------



## deltarain8

Maybe another thing we need to consider is traveling around more. You can meet more people that way and (if nothing else) you can have something interesting to say on your first date.


----------



## Cnidaria

The hot guy actually remembered me from over the vacation, we made some small talk the other day about what we did in the break.

I'm such a teenage girl this makes me far happier than it should, I'll probably see him around tomorrow night, I'm going to dress up nice and try not to do anything embarrassing if he's there. Yep, that's the plan.


----------



## meganmila

I went to Bullrito's yesterday ( By myself and sat there eating woooo) And no one really in there but I was getting my fountain drink and this guy was nice enough to offer me a straw. I was near it but he picked it up and gave me it lol. I dunno why that made me feel good. Damn it I should go to more places by myself and see what nice things guys will do. Why did the hell did I get fuzzy from this? Am I that lonely? What is wrong with me? I have no idea if people would understand this...

I got fuzzy one time in Colorado when a guy offered his gloves when I was complaining about my useless gloves. Everybody started teasing me that he was flirting :/ I said nooo...they are just trying to make me feel better. But i dunno I get all fuzzy and warm over nice things guys will do. I always think they are flirting with me...I think I am delusional sometimes.


----------



## Cnidaria

The guy actually likes my hot friend, he was just being friendly/polite to me :no Oh well...

The only guy that has ever asked me out, and I haven't spoken to in years has recently got back in touch me, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. I'm not sure I want anything to happen, I wasn't attracted to him then and I don't feel that way about him now, then again this was a a few years ago, maybe he's changed?


----------



## meganmila

This never gets updated to I have to do it.

I really hope this works. I'm so scared that it won't happen that I'm detaching myself a little bit and trying to not get so invested. This is what I have to do without getting so depressed. I hate emotions. I know it's just a fling. I'm just afraid we will never meet.

Crazy...but I have done just as crazier things...living on the edge.


----------



## diamondheart89

Ew why would I wanna get one of those. They stink and make loud whiny noises.


----------



## Barette

Yeah, this thread is so underutilized as compared to the other one.

I hung out with a girl who's in SLAA, and though it controls her life and that sucks and I hope she can get a handle on it, I think it's awesome that she just talks to dudes and has fun. So I'm gonna go into New Haven tomorrow for some errands, so I may as well grow some balls and say hi to Yale boys. I need to get over my issues with my looks, I've gotten enough outside validation that I guess I need to start thinking that I'm not as ugly as I think I am. I'm sick of my looks holding me back, if a living corpse like Courtney Love can bone the hotness that is Kurt Cobain and the fairly-above-averageness that is Edward Norton, I can say hi to some Yale boys. It's time to grow a ****ing self-esteem. My hatred of my looks has given me so many years of isolation, I want to change that. So yeah, I'm gonna start off slow, and just say "hi". Yale boys are always so cute when I go into New Haven, which I do like once a week at least already, so I may as well just use it as practice. I'm saying it in here so I can kinda keep myself to it.

IDK, just meeting that girl and listening to her stories of this guy and that guy and parties and all that jazz, I was so impressed by how much she's ****ing _lived_. It was inspiring (minus the drug/alcohol/sex addiction, of course).

So, yeah. I'm gonna try this really small step, time to make this thread useful and report back tomorrow.


----------



## meganmila

I like Edward Norton when he was younger. He's kind of cute now...he aged yea. But yeah I like my looks...I don't think I'm outstanding but like you has gotten enough compliments that I know I'm not completely undesirable. I wish I looked my age though and gained some weight. And that I have a charming personality to reel them in. That guy now said he really likes talking to me cause I seem open. He might just be saying that but it's nice.


----------



## komorikun

The problem with this thread is all these guys come on this thread and start questioning you. If you say anything negative about guys they come on here to defend them and such.


----------



## phoenixwright

This thread is more interesting. The other one has turned almost exclusively into a PUA thread with no real alternative perspectives (ie. from women giving guys advice with dating girls or guys who don't take the PUA approach giving advice). The PUA mentality has some merit to it. But I take it with a heaping grain of salt. Especially after the bad advice I was given recently.


----------



## Barette

meganmilla, is it a guy on a dating site that you could meet?

[Edited for stupid rambling]

I'm rambling, but my mind has just been running around this stuff lately.


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> meganmilla, is it a guy on a dating site that you could meet?
> 
> IDK, I'm just learning to open up now because whenever I do, I get validation. That my personality is funny, fun, sweet, adorable, w/e. Like, of course not everyone thinks that, but enough people have told me (unsolicited) that I can't deny that some people might enjoy talking to me. And when it comes to looks, I get validation too. I just met some girl and she was like "Hi, you're really pretty" and I said "thank you!" and then she just walked away. It's like, obviously she's not lying or something if she just said it out of the blue when she first met me, and she wasn't just being nice because she didn't even talk to me after she said it. I'm not bragging or fishing by saying any of this, either, I'm just saying it because it honestly confounds me that I get validation on my looks, and I'm starting to think maybe I'm not ugly? I still plan on getting a third surgery, but I just need to work on not thinking I'm as ugly as I am. Especially with getting an official diagnoses of BDD now. So I'm trying to wrap my head around that what I look like is a distortion of my mind. And this might help? Maybe even if I do look like what I see myself as, it still would help to just say hi to guys and see that it's not the end of the world. Even if they do think I'm unattractive, I'd still see that it doesn't really matter.
> 
> I'm rambling, but my mind has just been running around this stuff lately.


No, not dating site. It's a weird story that if anyone cares to know I guess I will tell some.

Yeah, not everyone will find you attractive but at least you know a lot do.


----------



## Barette

Weird stories are always good, if you don't want to share though there's no pressure.

Yeah, I was just rambling there. I have an appointment with my new surgeon for another surgery, and now that I'm told that I have a disorder that distorts my perceptions of myself and that my obsession is unneeded, my mind is just running around that constantly and so I guess I needed to ramble. But yeah, long story short I'm gonna talk to Yale boys.


----------



## meganmila

All I am saying it's from Facebook. I sound like those Catfish people but hopefully no catfish ahhhh. Since that OC guy didn't work. I'm over that entirely. He wasn't bad though oh well. 

I saw a True life episode about these girls that hated their face. Pretty sure they had BDD. I swear they were good looking but they thought they were ugly. Interesting.


----------



## Barette

Ah, well hopefully this guy works out.

I just rewatched that episode recently, it really triggered me since one of the girls had the same insecurity about a part of her face that I did. I'm mean though, because I thought she could've used surgery on it (considering I have the same issue and am getting surgery on mine).


----------



## meganmila

Thanks.

Yeah...I remember her boyfriend really didn't want her to get implants hah. Poor guy. I get bothered by my face honestly sometimes. I think sometimes I have a weird jaw. But this not the insecurity thread.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> The problem with this thread is all these guys come on this thread and start questioning you. If you say anything negative about guys they come on here to defend them and such.


You are more harsh and blunt with your words than most women so that's why you get that kind of reception from men on here. And you don't get a lot of sympathy here because you find it difficult to get a quality boyfriend and yet you are so picky. I've heard from women that the average man lasts like 3-5 minutes in bed. She'd be lucky that she gets 10 mins. That's what most women come home to. A guy that cums in 3-5 minutes! LOL. So yeah sex is really not that important in the grand scheme of things. And yet you want a guy who meets all of this criteria sexually. He's gotta have a certain size package. He's gotta be able to last in bed. He's gotta be good at sex. He's gotta be of a certain standard looks-wise. Yadda yadda. Men who meet all that criteria are in such high demand that it's hard to tie them down. There is so much competition for those men. By being able to last long in bed (a girl once nicknamed me The Energizer Bunny), I am automatically better than like 90% of men in bed (not to toot my own horn or anything).


----------



## komorikun

phoenixwright said:


> You are more harsh and blunt with your words than most women so that's why you get that kind of reception from men on here. And you don't get a lot of sympathy here because you find it difficult to get a quality boyfriend and yet you are so picky. I've heard from women that the average man lasts like 3-5 minutes in bed. She'd be lucky that she gets 10 mins. That's what most women come home to. A guy that cums in 3-5 minutes! LOL. So yeah sex is really not that important in the grand scheme of things. And yet you want a guy who meets all of this criteria sexually. He's gotta have a certain size package. He's gotta be able to last in bed. He's gotta be good at sex. He's gotta be of a certain standard looks-wise. Yadda yadda. Men who meet all that criteria are in such high demand that it's hard to tie them down. There is so much competition for those men.


Most guys last longer than 5 minutes. hahahaha

I am not asking for sympathy. I just don't appreciate guys coming here and questioning me. It seems like on the male thread the guys get away with much much more. I don't need people coming on here saying I should give every tom, dick, and harry a chance. And that I'm so superficial yada yada.

Most women will not be happy if the guy doesn't orgasm by the way. They will just be sore and tired by the end of it.


----------



## meganmila

Whoa guys last longer then 5 minutes hahaha. Or what has happened with me. 

I think people can afford to be picky. Maybe not totally picky but yeah picky. I have certain standards when it comes to sex. And if a guy hates a certain act and I love it well we'll see what happens.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Most guys last longer than 5 minutes. hahahaha
> 
> I am not asking for sympathy. I just don't appreciate guys coming here and questioning me. It seems like on the male thread the guys get away with much much more. I don't need people coming on here saying I should give every tom, dick, and harry a chance. And that I'm so superficial yada yada.


You shouldn't give every tom, dick and harry a chance. But yeah maybe relax certain standards.

Your social anxiety probably has something to do with it too though. It probably gets in the way of you making connections and chemistry with other men. Social anxiety's effect on women in the dating scene is understated. It's assumed that all a woman has to do is be pretty and have a functional vagina. But women do have to pull their own weight around with dating. Were you following that situation with the girl I went on three dates with in the guys' thread? They were telling me I had to be the aggressor and ****. Grr. Women are too ladylike to send clear signals and invite guys to their place. Be a man. Grr. And I ended up frenching her on the third date when she didn't want me too. Good going guys. This mentality that women are supposed to be passive creatures breeds creepy, overly aggressive behaviour from men. The truth is that in the 21st century, women just can't be passive. They have to give clear signals or openings. SA girls included. Otherwise it's just creepy if a guy puts out unwanted aggression. I know that I'm not going to be attempting to french kiss a girl again until she makes it clear that she's into me. It's an extremely awkward situation when you go french a girl and she's not opening her mouth. And then she finally opens her mouth but only because she doesn't want to make you feel bad for rejecting you. And then you end up having an awkward, uncoordinated, passionless abortion of a french kiss.


----------



## komorikun

phoenixwright said:


> You shouldn't give every tom, dick and harry a chance. But yeah maybe relax certain standards.
> 
> Your social anxiety probably has something to do with it too though. Social anxiety's effect on women in the dating scene is understated. It's assumed that all a woman has to do is be pretty and have a functional vagina. But women do have to pull their own weight around with dating. Were you following that situation with the girl I went on three dates with in the guys' thread? They were telling me I had to be the aggressor and ****. Grr. Women are too ladylike to send clear signals and invite guys to their place. Be a man. Grr. And I ended up frenching her on the third date when she didn't want me too. Good going guys. This mentality that women are supposed to be passive creatures breeds creepy, overly aggressive behaviour from men. The truth is that in the 21st century, women just can't be passive. They have to give clear signals or openings. Otherwise it's just creepy if a guy puts out unwanted aggression.


I don't think that woman disliked you because of the kiss. She just wasn't that attracted to you in the end. That is all.

I'm not passive on dates as long as there is alcohol involved. On 3 of the online dates in the past couple years I was the one that kissed the guy. I have lots of experience with kissing strangers, so ummm....that's not a problem. I kissed many guys at parties in Brazil. Americans are too slow to kiss.

But yes, I am a crappy conversationalist and I'm not the most affectionate person in the beginning. It takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone and that can come off as being cold or disinterested.


----------



## meganmila

I do agree I don't like when guys gets called "creepy" for sending signals. If she consents then it is not creepy. I am like the way I am cause I am shy. I wish I was more aggressive but It's difficult. I can say impulsive things and blurt stuff out when I just have to say. But I usually build it up in my head to say it and your heart starts pounding. Poo.

I can come off as cold and not enjoying stuff but really I just don't really express myself well.

I wish I just kissed that last guy to feel a kiss again. But that would've been weird.


----------



## komorikun

This just reminds me of how I hate sober dates. They are the worst. The 1st 3 dates should be drunken.


----------



## meganmila

Hahahaha...that guy kept mentioning about he goes to bars and knows the bars around. Too bad I got too scared. I bet if everyone was relaxed we could have made out in the car. I even mentioned going back to his apartment :O Yes I'm deprived....oh well.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> I don't think that woman disliked you because of the kiss. She just wasn't that attracted to you in the end. That is all.


I agree. I don't get why the hell she let it drag onto a third date though. You would think that a girl would end it after 2 dates if the chemistry just isn't there. I wasn't getting the vibe that she was into me but her agreeing to a third date and leaning in for a second peck (a peck doesn't mean much though. She was probably just testing the waters. Seeing if she felt something) on date #2 was giving me mixed signals. I'm not listening to rymo and bwidger anymore when they say **** like "she likes you dude". Men are social retards.

All the more reason why it's important for SA girls to signal. I'm not going to risk french kissing a girl anymore if I don't know if she's into me or not.


----------



## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> I agree. I don't get why the hell she let it drag onto a third date though.


Heres your answer:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/being-used-for-attention-231201/


----------



## Barette

phoenixwright said:


> I agree. I don't get why the hell she let it drag onto a third date though. You would think that a girl would end it after 2 dates if the chemistry just isn't there. I wasn't getting the vibe that she was into me but her agreeing to a third date and leaning in for a second peck (a peck doesn't mean much though. She was probably just testing the waters. Seeing if she felt something) on date #2 was giving me mixed signals. I'm not listening to rymo and bwidger anymore when they say **** like "she likes you dude". Men are social retards.
> 
> All the more reason why it's important for SA girls to signal. I'm not going to risk french kissing a girl anymore if I don't know if she's into me or not.


Because she's prob still just testing if she was interested or not, or maybe she's got nothing better to do and going out with you got her out of the house. You really put SO much thought into this stuff, it'd make dating so much easier if you just enjoyed the girl rather than worrying about everything you're doing.

That said, I'm gonna go out today and say hi to boys, and hope they're not disgusted. That thread about "ugly girl showed interest ew" doesn't help me because that's precisely what my fear is, pissing off and disgusting guys, but w/e. I'll still do it.


----------



## Nexus777

Barette said:


> it'd make dating so much easier if you just enjoyed the girl rather than worrying about everything you're doing.


Well YOU too were worrying quite a lot in the past, so you stopped with it ? If so, how ?  I guess worrying is more than normal on this boards....


----------



## Barette

Nexus777 said:


> Well YOU too were worrying quite a lot in the past, so you stopped with it ? If so, how ?  I guess worrying is more than normal on this boards....


I worry about EVERYTHING but I'm learning to stop. I was just at a residential facility for a whole whopping 2 weeks, and whenever I stopped worrying, I had a lot of fun hanging out with some cool girls. So I'm really not caring as much anymore. This feeling has lasted like 5 days now, which is the longest it's gone without completely crashing into "I hate myself I should die", this confidence is going pretty strong still, so I'm going to test it today by doing this experiment.


----------



## SparklingWater

To get a guy lmao I'm working on myself, getting my **** together, becoming happier with myself, my relationships, my body, becoming less anxious, etc basically focusing on me. Guys will always be there but I know if I'm not happy with myself no guy could change that. I'd probably just end up with a miserable guy and we'd be miserable together if I dated now. Instead I'll get myself together and later will settle with someone who has his **** together. You have to be the kind of person you'd want to be with.


----------



## BTW

Barette said:


> That thread about "ugly girl showed interest ew" doesn't help me because that's precisely what my fear is, pissing off and disgusting guys, but w/e. I'll still do it.


That thread is clearly a troll thread, don't let it get to you.


----------



## Nexus777

Barette said:


> I worry about EVERYTHING but I'm learning to stop. I was just at a residential facility for a whole whopping 2 weeks, and whenever I stopped worrying, I had a lot of fun hanging out with some cool girls. So I'm really not caring as much anymore. This feeling has lasted like 5 days now, which is the longest it's gone without completely crashing into "I hate myself I should die", this confidence is going pretty strong still, so I'm going to test it today by doing this experiment.


See I was right (again)  I told you so... you dont even answered btw.:teeth
2 weeks is quite short isnt it ?

Which experiment btw ?


----------



## meganmila

Yes..worrying ruins everything.


----------



## Barette

Worrying definitely does ruin stuff. I just got back from New Haven and I pussied out man, I pussied out. I had a lot of opportunities, Yale boys are back and preppy as ever, but I just got so self conscious. My hair looked like ****, my makeup looked like ****, my outfit looked like ****, I just felt so embarrassed I walked around a block and just got some food (inadvertently stalking some dude in the process) and I felt so just fcuking _gross._ Now I'm in a terrible mood. Wonderful!


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> Worrying definitely does ruin stuff. I just got back from New Haven and I pussied out man, I pussied out. I had a lot of opportunities, Yale boys are back and preppy as ever, but I just got so self conscious. My hair looked like ****, my makeup looked like ****, my outfit looked like ****, I just felt so embarrassed I walked around a block and just got some food (inadvertently stalking some dude in the process) and I felt so just fcuking _gross._ Now I'm in a terrible mood. Wonderful!


Are you trying to stop and talk to these men on the street? What is your gameplan exactly?

Maybe try just doing it to do it. Don't make the outcome the goal. Make just doing it a goal for a while. Detach from the outcome and just work on becoming comfortable and confident with the process. Any approach or conversation you have is a win right now.


----------



## phoenixwright

What ugly girl showed interest thread are you talking about? In the "What are you doing to get a girl?" thread I did mention an unattractive older woman that showed interest in me recently. Is that it? 

Honestly I appreciate flattery I receive from both women and gay/bi men (yes I'm cool with gay men flirting with me. One of them even propositioned for me for sex and that was a big ego boost. Sure I may not return the interest but flattery is nice and appreciated). Regardless of their attractiveness level. I don't consider it creepy. I consider it creepy only when they persist after I made it clear that I'm not interested.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Barette said:


> Worrying definitely does ruin stuff. I just got back from New Haven and I pussied out man, I pussied out. I had a lot of opportunities, Yale boys are back and preppy as ever, but I just got so self conscious. My hair looked like ****, my makeup looked like ****, my outfit looked like ****, I just felt so embarrassed I walked around a block and just got some food (inadvertently stalking some dude in the process) and I felt so just fcuking _gross._ Now I'm in a terrible mood. Wonderful!


I've been in that scenario many times. It's so hard to do it by myself. I seriously believe if we all had a buddy with us, it would make the dare process so much easier. I've always wanted someone to go out in public and do pranks with me. The rise in serotonin levels you get from laughing so hard literally dissolves the anxiety, making it easier to go up to people and spark random conversations.


----------



## Barette

bwidger85 said:


> Are you trying to stop and talk to these men on the street? What is your gameplan exactly?
> 
> Maybe try just doing it to do it. Don't make the outcome the goal. Make just doing it a goal for a while. Detach from the outcome and just work on becoming comfortable and confident with the process. Any approach or conversation you have is a win right now.


Not picking them up or talking, just saying hi. That's it. Still can't do it. Ah well, maybe another day.


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> Worrying definitely does ruin stuff. I just got back from New Haven and I pussied out man, I pussied out. I had a lot of opportunities, Yale boys are back and preppy as ever, but I just got so self conscious. My hair looked like ****, my makeup looked like ****, my outfit looked like ****, I just felt so embarrassed I walked around a block and just got some food (inadvertently stalking some dude in the process) and I felt so just fcuking _gross._ Now I'm in a terrible mood. Wonderful!


 Yeah if somebody is with you pushing you to do it it is easier. By yourself is weird. But by yourself they are likely to approach you.. Maybe if they are eating or looking at something say something about it. Easier said then done :/ I would just stare.


----------



## Fruitcake

I asked out the guy I talked about earlier in this thread. Didn't employ any tricks in the end but he fell for it anyway. I almost backed out while talking to him but he turned away for a moment to do something and I got the courage to ask because he wasn't facing me. I was intending for it to sound casual, like just hanging out as friends, but it ended up sounding rehearsed because I got nervous and had to say what I'd prepared without thinking. So I think he assumed it was a date. Which is lucky because it turned out he wanted it to be a date. And we're dating now.
Weeeeee!

I've come to the conclusion that being direct is a more effective method than sending telepathic hints (my previous tactic).


----------



## meganmila

Yay! Yeah being direct works. I have to learn to do that even if I sound like an idiot and someone doesn't accept...just keep trying.

Maybe I should go to a gym. So I could just stare...I think that would be creepy though lol. I swear now I have a thing for guys in their 30's. I want to see what is like to be with them heh..There's a lot of attractive guys in their 30's. Or in hollywood..


----------



## Barette

Awe that's great Fruitcake!

I saw an incredibly attractive guy today in Whole Foods and I forced a lot eye contact (i.e. stared the **** out of him) whenever I passed him. We shared a nice moment of looking at greek yogurt next to each other. That makes us engaged, right?


----------



## meganmila

Maybe..ya'll both like yogurt.


----------



## indigoXdaisy

I am doing absolutely nothing to "get" a guy. Actually, I am even pushing away guys that could potentially be interested. If they smile or make eye contact, I'll just act like I want nothing to do with them (even if that's not the case at all). I act like I have no feelings at all, and I guess that gives them the message that I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to act this way, but I really just can't help it. If I acted like I like someone, I'd be too embarrassed thinking that the person might actually think that I like them, and that they'd be disgusted or creeped out. *Sigh*


----------



## Barette

How often do you guys get smiled at? Or approached? I never get any attention so it makes me not want to give it to others. Like I never get smiled at, ever. Like I don't even need to worry about what I'd do if someone showed me attention, or chase guys away, cause no one ever shows interest.


----------



## indigoXdaisy

Barette said:


> How often do you guys get smiled at? Or approached? I never get any attention so it makes me not want to give it to others. Like I never get smiled at, ever. Like I don't even need to worry about what I'd do if someone showed me attention, or chase guys away, cause no one ever shows interest.


I used to get smiled at sometimes, but never approached. But now, I rarely even get a smile. I don't really try to look appealing anymore, because I just find it useless. I've stopped caring about my appearance.


----------



## Barette

I feel like other girls get a lot more attention, like IDK maybe it's the way I look or the energy I send off or both, but I just get ignored wherever I go. I've gone out with friends then when we're leaving they're like "Damn, no one asked for my number" (and I'm talking going out to bookstores and like coffee shops and the like, not clubs or w/e). And I'm like, that happens often enough to them where it's a disappointment when it doesn't happen? Or my old roommates used to have random guys strike up conversation, and of course it was at college which people are more social than outside of a campus, but still no one ever started talking to me when I was there. Like, IDK, I guess it's just how I look + seeming super cold that makes that kind of stuff not happen. But it happens so often to other girls I know/have known, or at least often as compared to me.


----------



## meganmila

Never. I don't think I have ever been smiled at..if I have then it was once. I've been looked at....no approaching..from what I remember. But once at a pool get together a guy sort of came on to me..he was sort of drunk..then we dated lol. Also 2 summers ago this guy in this class..he was outspoken and outgoing anyways...as I was walking out say "you're pretty" That was nice lol.

I'll wear some booty shorts in the summer go to a discount tire place....you'll get looked at lol.


----------



## komorikun

I think you have to dress a little sexy and it helps if you sort of have a dumb look on your face.


----------



## Barette

A lot definitely has to do with location, as well. I live in a ****ty town where people leave the house looking like they're coming down from a meth bender, so I get looked at more when I'm going about my area of town, as compared to when I go into Yale areas where all the girls are all preppy and cute, and then I just become entirely invisible.


----------



## Zeeshan

komorikun said:


> I think you have to dress a little sexy and it helps if you sort of have a dumb look on your face.


+1 dumb look n I am in!


----------



## meganmila

:/ So ya'll want dumb girls? I don't get this "dumb" look? I think it is sexy when a girl knows what she wants and isn't "dumb" about things? Confused.


----------



## Barette

I don't think that's true for guys. I think a lot of guys like the more fun and bubbly girls, and that's what they mean by "dumb"


----------



## meganmila

I don't want to seem completely clueless...so dunno about this dumb look.


----------



## Zeeshan

meganmila said:


> :/ So ya'll want dumb girls? I don't get this "dumb" look? I think it is sexy when a girl knows what she wants and isn't "dumb" about things? Confused.


I was being sarcastic


----------



## phoenixwright

I think it's awesome that you SAS girls are interested in approaching men. That's something that isn't the norm among regular women, let alone socially anxious women.


----------



## meganmila

Cause we want men in our lives! Well I do..


----------



## komorikun

I would only do it at a club or a party. I'd never try sober. If I was a hot chick I might try but doing that if you are homely.....just won't get you the wanted results


----------



## Barette

I just want to not be terrified to talk to people. Especially attractive members of the opposite sex. Like, see if I'll totally repulse someone if I say hi to them. Kind of a BDD experiment, since in those cases my SA is entirely from BDD. I'm not gonna approach or want something to come out of anything. I'm just forcing myself out of my mind. Well, trying to, I'm failing so far.


----------



## Nexus777

Zeeshan said:


> I was being sarcastic


Dont try - seems most here dont understand it anyway... :mum

For the smile thing; I wonder if it says anything... If I am smiling or making some more confident conversation with women (I´ll try at least) it seems they smile back to me....does it mean anything? :um I noticed in the past some would smile, laugh, tease and show more of her body (like legs) if they seemed interested, but thats long ago, cannot remember how I acted to get them interested :teeth
Maybe I acted "natural" and didnt overthing everything like the last years ?


----------



## Mersault

I think that if you are shy, and a girl, you could approach a shy man and see what happens. 
For example one girl approached me recently ( i do not think she is shy though ) and i cared, although not instantly. Unfortunately most shy people- if they are at all like me- would not feel any less shy if the girl dresses in a sexual way, or is very pretty. Quite the contrary, they will feel scared to approach her. 

In the end, just be who you are, and realize that (in most cases) you do not have anything to lose by just making small-talk.


----------



## meganmila

It is pretty scary to talk to someone attractive. Talking about the gender you are attracted to...I can talk to girls that are attractive...I mostly just stare and I wish I looked like them lol. Like driving...if I see a cute guy driving next to me I get nervous about looking...and if they catch you I look away hah.


----------



## Juice box

I've been reading through this thread and have come to a few conclusions between what I've read and real life...

It's much easier to get a guy when you're drinking. It is also easier to get said guy into bed when you're both drinking. It is not easier to get said guy in a relationship, because he's generally not what you wanted in the first place, and the sex was probably bad anyway.
I have nearly mastered the "art" of picking up a man for casual sex. I'm pretty sure I only do it because it makes me feel good for a short amount of time. It's a totally different ballgame when I'm actually interested in someone for a legitimate relationship. That's where the confidence plummets and the anxiety really kicks in. I'm sure that's the reason why the guy ends up not interested and/or I get friend zoned, which is super lame... For the record, the plans of attack for picking up a guy vs. attempting a relationship are completely different... Obviously they could use a little shaking up, and priorities could be reworked..


----------



## meganmila

I sort of agree. Relationships are difficult. You have to find that connection and they have to be fun..blah blah...it's hard to find connections to people. I swear I lose interest a lot...I don't know why. Then I really like someone and I'm afraid I'll scare them by getting too close :/

Maybe I do have ADD....I get bored with some stuff easily...


----------



## Juice box

I don't know about ADD... Some people are just boring.


----------



## diamondheart89

phoenixwright said:


> This thread is more interesting. The other one has turned almost exclusively into a PUA thread with no real alternative perspectives (ie. from women giving guys advice with dating girls or guys who don't take the PUA approach giving advice). The PUA mentality has some merit to it. But I take it with a heaping grain of salt. Especially after the bad advice I was given recently.


To be strictly honest, any girl (woman) with brain wattage above the average household lightbulb would identify attempts at PUA tactics in under 5 minutes. And once they do, it's all downhill from there. I'd be highly offended if a guy tried to use these tactics on me and all they'd get for their trouble would be scorn and derision, followed by immediate relegation to my list of life's most disgusting creatures.  Seriously, PUA grosses me out.


----------



## meganmila

What's PUA?


----------



## Thade

meganmila said:


> What's PUA?


*Pickup Artist*


----------



## bsd3355

you guys act as if you can discern what "pua tactics" are...

so much confusion on this site i'm starting to lose interest in even talking about this stuff anymore. if people meet people everyone wants to call it "pua". that's sad...

i'm going to make up a word just for ladies. and every time i hear about a girl meeting a guy i'm going to refer her to it. what shall it be? hmmm.....

much love,
the pick up master....lol give me a break with this crap

keep hating on people meeting people. keep hating. it does the world so much goodness. keep reflecting your dumbness to "pua" all you want


----------



## solasum




----------



## meganmila

So I guess the only places to meet dudes is at clubs/bars. There's gotta be somewhere else. 

The problem is I don't think I have that much to offer...like finding/doing something with your life. But I'm so impatient I want to meet someone now! I know focus on yourself first but why can't you meet people a long the way of focusing on yourself...This is so dumb.


----------



## Mersault

If you like books you could visit the local library/bookstores. There is bound to be some clerk there who is talkative.

At least that is how i started, back when i had no social circle at all (now i have a very limited one).


----------



## Cnidaria

I had a very confusing experience last night.

I went out with my friends, as part of a big group, first to a bar and to a club. This guy I sort of knew was there, he does the same subject as one of my friends but I've not really spoken to him that much. We were all dressed up, he was wearing a silly tie, I was very drunk and feeling very much not anxious and friendly so I told him I liked it and that was that.

Later on in the club, he's dancing close to me and the mutual friend. We're having fun, messing around, the bar is really busy but he goes to get some drinks. He waits for ages and eventually my friend doesn't want anything, so I go keep him company in the queue. As my friend is very pretty, I'm thinking that he likes her, and as I am drunk I ask him straight out, he explains that it would never happen because they have to study together for a lot longer and it would be awkward. At some point he put the silly tie on my, I can't remember exactly when or why, we start dancing near the bar but it's very crowded, so we head back to where the gang we came with are.

I got strange signals from him, I couldn't tell whether he wanted me to leave him alone but was too polite, or whether he was too shy to do anything. He kept touching my arm, like he wanted to me stay, we're getting closer, and suddenly he just leaves to go to the bathroom (I think?) I have a tactical meeting with two of my friends, one doesn't know what I should do, the other thinks I should go for it and he's too shy to make the first move. I'm worried that I'm being to aggressive and am making him uncomfortable, when I next see him I ask him if I'm annoying him/he wants to be left alone, he says no.

So we start dancing again, I decide to be pretty bold, put his hand on my waist, etc., and he does kiss me, twice. It wasn't great, (really dry mouths are never good), but hey, despite me being more active, he kissed me. Afterwards he suddenly leads me a little away from the group, and then just leaves.

I'm not going to get upset if I'm kissing a guy in a club and he decides to leave, I do it to guys, but I'm just wondering if I really misinterpreted the situation and forced myself on some poor guy who really wasn't into it but felt obliged to humour me. Or alternatively he was, but was too shy? We're all students, young, 18/19, the guys aren't as bold. Either way it's all so awkward...at least I can claim being wasted as an excuse.


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## Barette

I wouldn't worry about if you forced yourself or if he was just shy or w/e, he kissed you and I doubt he'd do that if he wasn't having a good time. A drunken kiss on a night out with friends is nothing to worry about.


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## nautilus

Sooo... I didn't do much to meet guys over the break, although I did get out more than usual and even met several people. Signed up for Meetup.com, but haven't gone to any events yet. I think it'll be easier once I get my driver's license, which should be soon.

Anyway, one piece of luck: by some miracle I started a conversation with a cute guy in my guitar class, and it turns out we have a lot in common. We've only had a couple classes so far, but last time he asked me if I wanted to practice with him in one of the practice rooms sometime! I really like this guy, and this seems like a good sign... but I'm trying not to think about it too much or read into it. Kind of like those cartoon characters that run off a cliff and keep running in the air; so long as I don't look down, I should be good. I'm thinking, if I keep up my talking-to-guys practice, I won't see it as such a big deal if this turns out to be nothing, since I'll still have other options, and in the meantime I'll be less awkward around the guy (hopefully). If I can get further than usual before I mess up, I'll consider that progress.



meganmila said:


> So I guess the only places to meet dudes is at clubs/bars. There's gotta be somewhere else.
> 
> The problem is I don't think I have that much to offer...like finding/doing something with your life. But I'm so impatient I want to meet someone now! I know focus on yourself first but why can't you meet people a long the way of focusing on yourself...This is so dumb.


There's also at parties, at school, in random just-for-fun classes, on the bus (lol, really), pretty much anywhere there are people who aren't just passing by. It's what to do with those opportunities that's the hard part, I think. And there's no reason you can't meet someone while simultaneously improving yourself. Personally, I consider my mission to learn to be more social and date part of improving myself, since that's the area of my life I struggle with the most. I think the advice of "focus on yourself" is mainly aimed at people who aren't thinking about anything _except_ dating or are trying to find the ideal person without knowing who they are themselves.


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## bsd3355

meganmila said:


> So I guess the only places to meet dudes is at clubs/bars. There's gotta be somewhere else.
> 
> The problem is I don't think I have that much to offer...like finding/doing something with your life. But I'm so impatient I want to meet someone now! I know focus on yourself first but why can't you meet people a long the way of focusing on yourself...This is so dumb.


If there is something you want to do then do it. That is experience in itself. You will learn much about life and yourself if you experience what life offers, which means go experience the things you want NOW and you will grow as a person inevitably. The problem with a lot of people is they hold off doing something because they feel inadequate, but they are in turn only cementing that feeling as well as not growing by not experiencing life. There isn't one thing in life that will help you become a better person. Life in general is an overall experience that will help you grow if you experience it. Do not put off the things you want to do in life because you feel inadequate.


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## meganmila

Ya'll are right. I just don't like people judging me. And they will. Maybe give time to explain everything...then they probably won't understand.


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## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> I wouldn't worry about if you forced yourself or if he was just shy or w/e, he kissed you and I doubt he'd do that if he wasn't having a good time. A drunken kiss on a night out with friends is nothing to worry about.


If it was a more passionate, open-mouth/french kiss sort of deal, I think it matters yes. I learned this lesson the hard way. That girl I went on three dates with leaned in for a second closed-mouth kiss on date #2. And then boom she tells me we don't have enough romantic chemistry post-date #3 (when I went for the french kiss). Reversal of genders but I think the same rules apply.

I think Cnidaria did the right thing by being direct. She should continue to be direct. If he thinks you are desperate or something, that's his problem. You haven't done anything that could be constituted as a creepy yet. And I would give you a blunt, honest assessment as to whether your behaviour is creepy or not.


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## Cnidaria

phoenixwright said:


> If it was a more passionate, open-mouth/french kiss sort of deal, I think it matters yes. I learned this lesson the hard way. That girl I went on three dates with leaned in for a second closed-mouth kiss on date #2. And then boom she tells me we don't have enough romantic chemistry post-date #3 (when I went for the french kiss). Reversal of genders but I think the same rules apply.
> 
> I think Cnidaria did the right thing by being direct. She should continue to be direct. If he thinks you are desperate or something, that's his problem. You haven't done anything that could be constituted as a creepy yet. And I would give you a blunt, honest assessment as to whether your behaviour is creepy or not.


It was open mouthed, albeit not massively passionate. Also that is reassuring, I mean in a way I'm glad I was more active than I normally am, at least it's better than waiting to be approached and disappointed when it doesn't happen. You only regret the things you don't do after all. I'm going to get my friend to give him back his tie tomorrow, so we'll see if he has anything more to say on the matter...


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## bsd3355

meganmila said:


> Ya'll are right. I just don't like people judging me. And they will. Maybe give time to explain everything...then they probably won't understand.


Haters are gonna hate. That's what they do :b You will never escape it lol


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## nautilus

meganmila said:


> Ya'll are right. I just don't like people judging me. And they will. Maybe give time to explain everything...then they probably won't understand.


I've always had a hard time facing judgment too. One thing which I find helps is to find accepting people to hang out around or people who get where I'm coming from. If all my social interactions involve people drilling me about why I'm taking so long in school, for example, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel good about myself. Talking to friends who don't see it as a big deal and know more about who I am helps keep me motivated.


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## TobeyJuarez

meganmila said:


> So I guess the only places to meet dudes is at clubs/bars. There's gotta be somewhere else.
> 
> The problem is I don't think I have that much to offer...like finding/doing something with your life. But I'm so impatient I want to meet someone now! I know focus on yourself first but why can't you meet people a long the way of focusing on yourself...This is so dumb.


what about school, the dog park, the library, clubs stuff like that?


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## meganmila

nautilus said:


> I've always had a hard time facing judgment too. One thing which I find helps is to find accepting people to hang out around or people who get where I'm coming from. If all my social interactions involve people drilling me about why I'm taking so long in school, for example, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel good about myself. Talking to friends who don't see it as a big deal and know more about who I am helps keep me motivated.


Yeah, I don't like to tell people about why I'm not going to school. It's just hard...cause you never know how they will react.


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## meganmila

illmatic1 said:


> what about school, the dog park, the library, clubs stuff like that?


Dog park sounds like a good idea. I have a dog but he's not mine plus he is way too hyper..don't know how to handle that. I wish they had a cat park.


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## TobeyJuarez

meganmila said:


> Dog park sounds like a good idea. I have a dog but he's not mine plus he is way too hyper..don't know how to handle that. I wish they had a cat park.


a hyper dog is a plus at the dog park...its an easy conversation starter


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## meganmila

illmatic1 said:


> a hyper dog is a plus at the dog park...its an easy conversation starter


I know..it will just be a drag getting him down there...


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## TobeyJuarez

meganmila said:


> I know..it will just be a drag getting him down there...


well it would be worth it to meet someone right?


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## meganmila

illmatic1 said:


> well it would be worth it to meet someone right?


I guess so hahaa...I wish I can take another dog.


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## Jay-Son

meganmila said:


> I guess so hahaa...I wish I can take another dog.


sorry to jump in here so late.

But Megan if you put the the pic on your avatar on a dating site, you should easily get multiple messages a day from guys on a dating site.

Kind of an enigma to me.


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## meganmila

Jay-Son said:


> sorry to jump in here so late.
> 
> But Megan if you put the the pic on your avatar on a dating site, you should easily get multiple messages a day from guys on a dating site.
> 
> Kind of an enigma to me.


Hahaha...I have this same photo on OkCupid and I get nothing.


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## Cnidaria

Things really do happen when you least expect it...

I went out last night, deciding not to worry if I got approached by any guys or not and just enjoy myself. And lo and behold, for the first time in ages one comes up to me. We ended up spending the night together, and before I left in the morning he gave me his phone number. I would like to see him again, but I don't like that I'm currently in control of the situation and have to make the next move.

What kind of relationship could come out of this? I'm guessing that he wants me to text him or something, otherwise he wouldn't give me his number. I mean, the last guy I hooked up with like this didn't do anything like that, he barely looked at me when I left. I mean I'm not closed to the idea of just having a casual thing with him, but could something meaningful ever come out of something like this? I'm not even sure what I would do if we did meet up again, oh dear, the awkwardness...


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## meganmila

Cnidaria said:


> Things really do happen when you least expect it...
> 
> I went out last night, deciding not to worry if I got approached by any guys or not and just enjoy myself. And lo and behold, for the first time in ages one comes up to me. We ended up spending the night together, and before I left in the morning he gave me his phone number. I would like to see him again, but I don't like that I'm currently in control of the situation and have to make the next move.
> 
> What kind of relationship could come out of this? I'm guessing that he wants me to text him or something, otherwise he wouldn't give me his number. I mean, the last guy I hooked up with like this didn't do anything like that, he barely looked at me when I left. I mean I'm not closed to the idea of just having a casual thing with him, but could something meaningful ever come out of something like this? I'm not even sure what I would do if we did meet up again, oh dear, the awkwardness...


I say go for it. He gave you his number so yes he does want something to do with you another time. I don't know if you want a relationship or not...is that what you are saying? If you are then yes hook ups have become relationships before. Or ya'll could just become friends or FWB if you want that. You never know until you text/call him.


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## Jay-Son

Cnidaria said:


> Things really do happen when you least expect it...
> 
> I went out last night, deciding not to worry if I got approached by any guys or not and just enjoy myself. And lo and behold, for the first time in ages one comes up to me. We ended up spending the night together, and before I left in the morning he gave me his phone number. I would like to see him again, but I don't like that I'm currently in control of the situation and have to make the next move.
> 
> What kind of relationship could come out of this? I'm guessing that he wants me to text him or something, otherwise he wouldn't give me his number. I mean, the last guy I hooked up with like this didn't do anything like that, he barely looked at me when I left. I mean I'm not closed to the idea of just having a casual thing with him, but could something meaningful ever come out of something like this? I'm not even sure what I would do if we did meet up again, oh dear, the awkwardness...


Take it day by day. You said you are open to a "casual thing", see where it takes you, get to know him a bit maybe.

He's obviously attracted to you though...


----------



## Wacky Wednesdays

Just started seeing this guy. First date went really well. He is such a genuine, sweet and nice guy. Going to take it slow and not rush into any bedroom antics :-] Ahhhhhhh.


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## phoenixwright

Based on what I've been reading from UK members on SAS, I get the impression that hookup culture must be more accepted in the UK than in North America. Seriously.

Megan: I am surprised that guys don't message you much on OKCupid. My impression having used online dating sites with a fake female profile and seeing all these messages other girls get (ie. female friends) is that men are incredibly desperate horndogs who chase after women relentlessly.


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## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> Based on what I've been reading from UK members on SAS, I get the impression that hookup culture must be more accepted in the UK than in North America. Seriously.
> 
> Megan: I am surprised that guys don't message you much on OKCupid. My impression having used online dating sites with a fake female profile and seeing all these messages other girls get (ie. female friends) is that men are incredibly desperate horndogs who chase after women relentlessly.


1st: It seems the same goes for Germany for you first paragraph.

2nd: I can attest to that, my fake still gets messages (i wanted to delete "Blondie" but just forgot about her). Also a female buddy of mine (looking "average" I would say, but she wasnt very shy and could be funny and clever!!) could get dates any day over dating sites. She told me and I believed her, cause I know that women get 10 or 15 times the amount of messages of men... if men get any at all. Online dating is so screwed vs. men its hopeless for us....(except the most handsome)

But I suggest Megan should post her profile and pics here, so we can look over it. Also maybe she lives in a very unpopulated area so not much guys from there?? But if her pics are half decent she still should get messages en masse from horny guys lol :no Maybe even from decent men (rich, clever, funny, handsome etc.)


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## phoenixwright

Nexus777 said:


> 1st: It seems the same goes for Germany for you first paragraph.
> 
> 2nd: I can attest to that, my fake still gets messages (i wanted to delete "Blondie" but just forgot about her). Also a female buddy of mine (looking "average" I would say, but she wasnt very shy and could be funny and clever!!) could get dates any day over dating sites. She told me and I believed her, cause I know that women get 10 or 15 times the amount of messages of men... if men get any at all. Online dating is so screwed vs. men its hopeless for us....(except the most handsome)
> 
> But I suggest Megan should post her profile and pics here, so we can look over it. Also maybe she lives in a very unpopulated area so not much guys from there?? But if her pics are half decent she still should get messages en masse from horny guys lol :no Maybe even from decent men (rich, clever, funny, handsome etc.)


Men are very aggressive in the dating scene just like job hunters are in the workforce scene. But at the end of the day there are almost as many young women as there are young men just like how before the recession there were almost as many jobs as there are people willing to work.


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## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> Men are very aggressive in the dating scene just like job hunters are in the workforce scene. But at the end of the day there are almost as many young women as there are young men just like how before the recession there were almost as many jobs as there are people willing to work.


Whow your workforce - job comparion must have been from the 80ties when there were still enough decent jobs which even paid to get a good living...

Also you need to note, women can be much more patient to get a guy, cause their sexuality isnt as important to them as compared to men. They can wait until they find the "right one". So naturally men "need" to be more agressive while women just can wait until her "prince" comes around the corner. I always wondered how it would be to be a nice, clever beautiful women and be wanted by so much men.....I mean it is no wonder that some of these women get oversized egos in the end and may be not that "nice" anymore but *****y and arrogant, if they get so much attention and everyone tells them how cool and pretty they are.....:no I bet it would happen to most men too.....

I was just bored after my meal today, so wrote a bit to much as I am not looking for women at the moment anyway. Too much trouble and time consuming. Also I have some probs with my "long big friend", too cause of meds. And its good to have these probs I have less desire for women and can concentrate on other things, like typing here (not very productive I know :idea :b) haha)


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## ImWeird

Sometimes I let my pants sag in hopes that I will attract fellow males. I wonder if it's working.


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## phoenixwright

Nexus777 said:


> Whow your workforce - job comparion must have been from the 80ties when there were still enough decent jobs which even paid to get a good living...
> 
> Also you need to note, women can be much more patient to get a guy, cause their sexuality isnt as important to them as compared to men. They can wait until they find the "right one". So naturally men "need" to be more agressive while women just can wait until her "prince" comes around the corner. I always wondered how it would be to be a nice, clever beautiful women and be wanted by so much men.....I mean it is no wonder that some of these women get oversized egos in the end and may be not that "nice" anymore but *****y and arrogant, if they get so much attention and everyone tells them how cool and pretty they are.....:no I bet it would happen to most men too.....
> 
> I was just bored after my meal today, so wrote a bit to much as I am not looking for women at the moment anyway. Too much trouble and time consuming. Also I have some probs with my "long big friend", too cause of meds. And its good to have these probs I have less desire for women and can concentrate on other things, like typing here (not very productive I know :idea :b) haha)


Yes women are more patient. Less testosterone. Therefore less intense need for sex. Women will often want to have lots of sex once they have a committed boyfriend. But they don't have this primal desire to go out and get laid. Sex is not very high up in her sub-conscious. Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend.


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## Barette

"Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend."

So untrue.


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## Elad

phoenixwright said:


> Yes women are more patient. Less testosterone. Therefore less intense need for sex. Women will often want to have lots of sex once they have a committed boyfriend. But they don't have this primal desire to go out and get laid. Sex is not very high up in her sub-conscious. Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend.


lol.

I suggest you join the 18+ group.


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## ACCV93

Honestly, I feel bad for girls who think that standing around and looking pretty is going to get you guys. I mean sure, sometimes on the odd occasion a guy might have the balls to confront you if they like you, (I'm talking someone that's just seen you but doesn't know you) but girls need to understand too that if you are interested in a guy, it's okay to be upfront about it, LIKEWISE for guys. But imo, the first step is to honestly get casual friends of the opposite gender, and **** friendzone. If you never hang out with the opposite sex it'll probably be more difficult to find somebody anyway.


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## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> Yes women are more patient. Less testosterone. Therefore less intense need for sex. Women will often want to have lots of sex once they have a committed boyfriend. But they don't have this primal desire to go out and get laid. Sex is not very high up in her sub-conscious. Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend.


Yup that is true, I knew 2-3 women in the past that wanted sex, but only after they knew me for some time (guess I was a "cool" guy back then sometimes like 10 years ago looool)...:teeth I did not want to have sex more than them though cause I like more erotique - also I always feared something could go wrong with "real sex" and I ended up with a lifelong pay sentence of child support :afr

@ Barette: He wrote "MOST" and I confirm what he wrote, we´re "a bit" older than you and have more experience anyway, so we should know a bit more about it 

@ ACCV93: Ur mostly right there, also really looks are not everything that counts for women (like some of em here seem to think), they need to be funny, smile much and dont be dumb or arrogant and have a good taste of music, too (eg: for me no rap/hip hop - rnb - mtv **** all a huge turn off)... no drama queens too my life has enough drama. Thats for a serious relationship!


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## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> "Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend."
> 
> So untrue.


If women desire sex on a level equal to men, then tell me, how is it so much easier for a woman to get laid than a man? Why is it that a hot woman can get away with charging $140/half-hour $200/h for sex and have a ****load of clients but a hot guy needs to resort to gay for pay in order to make money? Men have a more intense, primal urge to have sex. How often do single women say "oh my god, it's been awhile, I need to get laid!" and actually go out and seek sex?

Where is this girl's gone wild reality that society promotes? Where are all the SAS girls in da house who have sex with lots of guys? I know of one female SAS user who reported having 40+ partners. We just saw one SAS girl hook up with a guy recently but how often does she do that? Men in general on the other hand, if given the choice, would be having casual sex with lots and lots of women.


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## mezzoforte

phoenixwright said:


> If women desire sex on a level equal to men, then tell me, how is it so much easier for a woman to get laid than a man? Why is it that a hot woman can get away with charging $140/half-hour $200/h for sex and have a ****load of clients but a hot guy needs to resort to gay for pay in order to make money? Men have a more intense, primal urge to have sex. How often do single women say "oh my god, it's been awhile, I need to get laid!" and actually go out and seek sex?
> 
> Where is this girl's gone wild reality that society promotes? Where are all the SAS girls in da house who have sex with lots of guys? I know of one female SAS user who reported having 40+ partners. We just saw one SAS girl hook up with a guy recently but how often does she do that? Men in general on the other hand, if given the choice, would be having casual sex with lots and lots of women.


I think about sex a lot and have a high sex drive, and could even be considered a bit kinky, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and **** a million guys. Mostly because STDs don't sound appealing and I am very shy and introverted person. Some girls, especially on SAS, are probably the same way. Girls also might worry about getting pregnant, since contraceptives aren't 100% protective, while guys can **** anything that moves and take no responsibility.


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## Nexus777

mezzoforte said:


> ...while guys can **** anything that moves and take no responsibility.


Uhm NOT in my country thats certain actually males must pay for the woman and the child in most cases....... Where do you live if I may ask ? EDIT: Ah Location: Massachusetts - this must be USA ? Seems the differences between cultures are just to huge for posters from different continents...so some missunderstandings might occur. :blank


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## mezzoforte

Nexus777 said:


> Uhm NOT in my country thats certain actually males must pay for the woman and the child in most cases....... Where do you live if I may ask ? Seems the differences between cultures are just to huge for posters from different continents...so some missunderstandings might occur. :blank


I live in the U.S. If a guy gets a girl pregnant, a lot of the time he'll just leave and take no responsibility.


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## Nexus777

mezzoforte said:


> I live in the U.S. If a guy gets a girl pregnant, a lot of the time he'll just leave and take no responsibility.


Ah I see, why did the girl sleep with the bad guy then in the 1st place ? If he can get away with it ? And why doesnt guy and girl take condoms, the pill etc. Arent these things common in the US or not invented yet, there ? We might import them to you then I guess (or the Chinese ) Seems like a business idea


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## mezzoforte

Nexus777 said:


> Ah I see, why did the girl sleep with the bad guy then in the 1st place ? If he can get away with it ? And why doesnt guy and girl take condoms, the pill etc. Arent these things common in the US or not invented yet, there ? We might import them to you then I guess (or the Chinese ) Seems like a business idea


A lot of people have casual sex. Neither the guy or the girl has feelings for eachother, so if the girl gets pregnant, the guy doesn't care and leaves.
Or,
Two people are dating and the guy does like the girl. But when she gets pregnant, the guy leaves because he's not ready to have a child.

Contraceptives such as condoms and the pill AREN'T 100% effective. Especially if they're only using a condom, condoms can break.


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## Nexus777

Yup condoms suck  Well bad things happen, thats life...example:

http://rense.com/general51/chsup.htm

"40% of the hundreds of married men who contact the Equal Justice Foundation for help do so after they find evidence their wives are having an affair. These men are falsely charged with domestic violence or abuse, and suffer the crushing weight of being driven from their homes and children by restraining orders that are handed out by judges like candy. As a result of these all-too-frequently false allegations, women are given the house, the kids, the car, the bank account, very generous child support, and sometimes alimony (maintenance) as a reward for their adultery. And when DNA paternity tests prove he isn't the father, the child support doesn't stop."

It seems not to be *that* bad even in the US for women. More I think both genders are to blame for wrongdoings...... not much difference between them...


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> "Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend."
> 
> So untrue.


THIS! That guy has got be kidding about women never think about sex lol...I think about most of the time especially being lonely and sexually frustrated. WTF dude! And also yeah we can get laid but would we get laid by someone we are TOTALLY attracted to? Maybe..maybe not. I don't have to sleep with just anybody just cause I'm horny. Hmmm..it seems he doesn't know women that well if he thinks we never think about sex UNTIL we are in a relationship. Bull crap.

Anyways, maybe on okCupid the guys are much pickier. Cause from my experience it seems to be the case. Now POF nooo they will hound you there and yes seem desperate. I think OkCupid is a bit different..at least from what I have seen.

Also if you use condoms AND other birth control it will be almost to the 100% or 100% if you use it correctly. I think people now days don't use it all correctly or just very unlucky.


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## AllToAll

phoenixwright said:


> Yes women are more patient. Less testosterone. Therefore less intense need for sex. Women will often want to have lots of sex once they have a committed boyfriend. But they don't have this primal desire to go out and get laid. *Sex is not very high up in her sub-conscious. Most women don't think about sex all that much until she gets a boyfriend.*


Other than the reasons mezzforte wrote for the various reasons why women don't act sexually on impulse, there's also the fear that going home with any random stranger could result in rape or assault. Also, there aren't the same pressures for women as there are for men when it comes to sex. Men are expected to want and go for it, whereas women are expected to hold out for as long as possible, otherwise they'll be considered ****s/*****s. 
I imagine, though, that yeah most hetero-single women would be thinking about sex often if they had a BF because they'd be turned on by him and feel safe w/ him in every sense of the word. She could express her sexual desires with him because it's a monogamous relationship where there's trust, as opposed to "promiscuous sex." It wouldn't be looked down upon if she chose to have sex with him because he's the BF. If she went home with a different guy every other day most people would judge her negatively for that.

And like Elad wrote, go into the 18+ group; you'll be laughing at your own post. :roll


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## meganmila

Oh my goodness lol. I read that whole thing saying women are patient...well for me in general I can be impatient with a lot of things. I have also had the strong desire to go out and get laid BUT what is holding me back is anxiety, being shy, being afraid of getting assaulted or killed, and I don't really know how to flirt perfectly. I mostly met all the men I had online since I think for me is a little easier. Also I used to be impulsive so some women are impulsive about that...just saying.

And also yeah women get judged...but really if someone wants to call me names JUST cause of that well they are dumb and they have issues cause really I don't give a s*it if they do at least I'm enjoying myself and I don't even want to talk to people that would call me names anyways blahhh.


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## komorikun

Women think about sex a lot but I'd agree that on average women have much lower sex drives than men. And their sex drives appear even lower than they really are because of cultural pressures that AllToAll mentioned. Not just the drive that is lower, actually I think it's different in other ways.


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## Nexus777

Whow some reasonable posts from women on here, I need to make a cross in my calender of that day looool

@ Megan: Are u an intellectual ? Cause I have the impression that okcupid is more for those...or some more "artsy" people (i wish this forum would be German or Dutch, cause I could explain it better). Some of em seem to be on some clouds rather than in real life. lol So more "higher" beings than humans... like some in this forum, too lol


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## TobeyJuarez

mezzoforte said:


> I think about sex a lot and have a high sex drive, and could even be considered a bit kinky, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and **** a million guys. Mostly because STDs don't sound appealing and I am very shy and introverted person. Some girls, especially on SAS, are probably the same way. Girls also might worry about getting pregnant, since contraceptives aren't 100% protective, while guys can **** anything that moves and take no responsibility.


child support... if a guy doesnt pay it he goes to jail...


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## bsd3355

my response:






Now go kill a teddy bear

it's obvious this kid is a nympho

this boy will be on the relationships forums soon looking for advice, i guarantee it


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## phoenixwright

AllToAll said:


> Other than the reasons mezzforte wrote for the various reasons why women don't act sexually on impulse, there's also the fear that going home with any random stranger could result in rape or assault. Also, there aren't the same pressures for women as there are for men when it comes to sex. Men are expected to want and go for it, whereas women are expected to hold out for as long as possible, otherwise they'll be considered ****s/*****s.
> I imagine, though, that yeah most hetero-single women would be thinking about sex often if they had a BF because they'd be turned on by him and feel safe w/ him in every sense of the word. She could express her sexual desires with him because it's a monogamous relationship where there's trust, as opposed to "promiscuous sex." It wouldn't be looked down upon if she chose to have sex with him because he's the BF. If she went home with a different guy every other day most people would judge her negatively for that.
> 
> And like Elad wrote, go into the 18+ group; you'll be laughing at your own post. :roll


Testosterone is not make believe ****. It's also the reason behind why men are much more violent than women in general.


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## Nexus777

Well try some blind date like Mr Bean perhaps ? :teeth:teeth


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## AllToAll

phoenixwright said:


> Testosterone is not make believe ****. It's also the reason behind why men are much more violent than women in general.


Really? Testosterone exists!!? :roll
I'm going to ignore your pseudo-scientific conclusion in relation to men and violence, and just jump to the original topic.
I don't claim that men don't tend to have a higher sex drive than women. There's scientific evidence that, while still debatable, shows men have a "stronger more consistent" sex drive than women. Still, the reasons why women don't go for sex as much as men do are much more complicated than "women have more estrogen." You can conclude anything that concerns evolutionary-biology without taking into consideration societal influences, which you so easily did. Women want sex. Quite a lot, but like I said, sexual pressured are different.


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## Barette

Nexus777 said:


> @ Barette: He wrote "MOST" and I confirm what he wrote, we´re "a bit" older than you and have more experience anyway, so we should know a bit more about it


No matter how old you are, you've never had a vagina so you don't know more about women's sex drives than I do. I have the vagina and estrogen and have spoken extensively with other vagina owners so I should know a bit more about it 



phoenixwright said:


> If women desire sex on a level equal to men, then tell me, how is it so much easier for a woman to get laid than a man? Why is it that a hot woman can get away with charging $140/half-hour $200/h for sex and have a ****load of clients but a hot guy needs to resort to gay for pay in order to make money? Men have a more intense, primal urge to have sex. How often do single women say "oh my god, it's been awhile, I need to get laid!" and actually go out and seek sex?
> 
> Where is this girl's gone wild reality that society promotes? Where are all the SAS girls in da house who have sex with lots of guys? I know of one female SAS user who reported having 40+ partners. We just saw one SAS girl hook up with a guy recently but how often does she do that? Men in general on the other hand, if given the choice, would be having casual sex with lots and lots of women.


Why are you so defensive right now pheonix? After making such a sweeping generalization and parading it as fact?

Like mezzoforte said, because we have to worry about pregnancy. Like, having a fetus grow inside of you because your birth control wasn't effective after a one night stand is a _pretty_ big worry. And there's STDs, and most girls aren't excited about inviting a guy they met at a bar back to their place of residency. I'm female and have female friends that I've spoken to about sex, and it is certainly on our minds quite a bit. There's no argument that men and women's sex drives are different, but don't go generalizing ours in such a sweeping and incorrect statement and present it as fact. Trust me, and others in here (like 4 now?) who are saying you're wrong, because women _do_ think about sex quite a bit. Like, a lot. Promiscuity is a big risk taking activity, you know what a woman who sleeps with a lot, like a LOT a lot, of guys is called? A sex addict. Like, constantly picking up guys as a bar and compulsively having sex is considered that. I met a girl who, since like 15, has not gone longer than 2 weeks without sex. She LOVES sex. She's currently getting help for that, though, cause it's not the healthiest thing, amirite? Not to mention the stigma placed on women who are freer with their sexualities. We just choose to be sexually frustrated as compared to having sex with guys and risking STD's/rape/pregnancy/etc. etc. It's not so easy for girls that it's like "Hey, I want sex right now, let me go to the bar and find a guy I'm completely attracted to and is completely attracted to me too and I'm sure I won't get assaulted when I bring him back to my place and I won't get herpes or pregnant" I could NOT stop thinking about sex all day long, but I didn't invite the homeless guy on the corner for a trist behind the dumpster. K?



mezzoforte said:


> I think about sex a lot and have a high sex drive, and could even be considered a bit kinky, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and **** a million guys. Mostly because STDs don't sound appealing and I am very shy and introverted person. Some girls, especially on SAS, are probably the same way. Girls also might worry about getting pregnant, since contraceptives aren't 100% protective, while guys can **** anything that moves and take no responsibility.


EXACTLY.


----------



## mezzoforte

And what about the guys on SAS who are horny as ****, but super shy? There isn't a direct correlation between how horny you get and how many people you sleep around with.


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## Barette

I know right? If we're going by SAS statistics (which he referenced, the 40+ lady, because sex partners apparently correlates directly to sex drive), then half the guys on here have no sex drive. So if we go by that, then half of all men don't have a sex drive.

I just think it's hilarious that he made that generalization then got so defensive when women told him he was wrong.


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## lkkxm

mezzoforte said:


> And what about the guys on SAS who are horny as ****, but super shy? There isn't a direct correlation between how horny you get and how many people you sleep around with.


EXACTLY THIS.

I'm one of these horny as ****, quiet/shy guys who thinks about sex ALL THE TIME. Thoughts and desires don't necessarily translate into action. People don't always act on every little desire that flits through their brain.

And before you say, "Well you're shy, you probably just haven't had the opportunity," I *have* had the opportunity. I've had girls offer to **** me. Twins, even. I'm not going to have sex just because I'm horny. If I don't love someone, I'm not going to **** them, no matter how attractive I find them.

Simple as that.


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## Barette

^Damn straight. Amount of sex partners = / = sex drive.


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## meganmila

I would like to have sex with the guy I'm talking to..and I'm sure he feels the same way..

Yeah...


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## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> No matter how old you are, you've never had a vagina so you don't know more about women's sex drives than I do. I have the vagina and estrogen and have spoken extensively with other vagina owners so I should know a bit more about it
> 
> Why are you so defensive right now pheonix? After making such a sweeping generalization and parading it as fact?
> 
> Like mezzoforte said, because we have to worry about pregnancy. Like, having a fetus grow inside of you because your birth control wasn't effective after a one night stand is a _pretty_ big worry. And there's STDs, and most girls aren't excited about inviting a guy they met at a bar back to their place of residency. I'm female and have female friends that I've spoken to about sex, and it is certainly on our minds quite a bit. There's no argument that men and women's sex drives are different, but don't go generalizing ours in such a sweeping and incorrect statement and present it as fact. Trust me, and others in here (like 4 now?) who are saying you're wrong, because women _do_ think about sex quite a bit. Like, a lot. Promiscuity is a big risk taking activity, you know what a woman who sleeps with a lot, like a LOT a lot, of guys is called? A sex addict. Like, constantly picking up guys as a bar and compulsively having sex is considered that. I met a girl who, since like 15, has not gone longer than 2 weeks without sex. She LOVES sex. She's currently getting help for that, though, cause it's not the healthiest thing, amirite? Not to mention the stigma placed on women who are freer with their sexualities. We just choose to be sexually frustrated as compared to having sex with guys and risking STD's/rape/pregnancy/etc. etc. It's not so easy for girls that it's like "Hey, I want sex right now, let me go to the bar and find a guy I'm completely attracted to and is completely attracted to me too and I'm sure I won't get assaulted when I bring him back to my place and I won't get herpes or pregnant" I could NOT stop thinking about sex all day long, but I didn't invite the homeless guy on the corner for a trist behind the dumpster. K?
> 
> EXACTLY.


If the guys uses a condom and you are on the birth control pill, you are pretty well covered for pregnancy. As for STDs, have the guy wear a condom during intercourse. There will always be some sort of risk regardless naturally but taking this precaution is very important. If you perform oral sex bareback (without a condom) or he does on you, there's going to be a risk there though. But once you start getting to using condoms for oral sex, it just gets ridiculous. I read this article the other day that lots of non-smoker males in their late 30s/early 40s have been developing oral cancer because they contracted HPV orally from performing oral sex on women (and many similar-aged women have been developing cervical cancer from HPV. They can also get oral cancer from blowjobs but apparently men are more likely to get it from cunnilingus). Everything can give you cancer these days though it's ridiculous. I use my cell phone religiously (radiation), I use Wi-Fi, I microwave food (radiation), I eat junk food, I eat *****. I'm going to get cancer one way or another. **** it. lol. I risk my life and health every time I step into my car and drive. I'm not going to stop living my life due to all these fears.


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## Barette

Mkay.


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## meganmila

Like I said if you use condoms and another form of birth control ( Pill, IUD, shot, patch, anything) and you use all of that correctly then yeah very close to 100%. Now if you want to go without condoms yeah both get tested, duh. I never heard of guys getting HPV ( But I do know there is no test for HPV in guys and some don't know they have it cause ya know no symptoms. We most likely get no symptoms too and regular paps are the way to go to know and most of the time your body clears it up. Like the common cold.) I have heard of getting something from blow jobs though. I also heard it's easier to pass man to woman then woman to man..but still doesn't mean men don't have risk. 

We do take risks everyday. Driving in the car. You are most likely to get into an accident then get an STD and I think you should worry more about an accident. Most STD's are cureable and just take meds for it to go away. Except for ya know Herpes is not and all but still...there's meds to make it more tolerable.


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## phoenixwright

Barette said:


> ^Damn straight. Amount of sex partners = / = sex drive.


A woman can want a lot of sex but generally only want it with her boyfriend. The original point that Nexus made was that women were a lot more patient and a lot less desperate for sex. They generally don't have that same primal urgency that men do. Whenever I see an opportunity to get a girlfriend or even to get laid, I am on that **** like a hawk. And I have low testosterone for male! Women do not have that sense of urgency. They assume a situation of abundance. They are in no rush to find a mate. I'd bet that if the vast majority of SAS virgins traded places with you, they would take advantage of how much easier it is for a woman to get action and go get laid TONIGHT. Every woman they want to have sex with is a window of opportunity. When we don't get the girl, it's "god dammit, she got away". Whereas when women look at men, they perceive abundance. They have no urgency. Those two girls on OKCupid who stopped responding to my messages recently didn't really seem to care because I got lost in the shuffle of so many other cute guys messaging them. Meanwhile every single woman I'm talking to right now is seen as a potential target that I am pursuing. Because if guys don't put in the leg work, they just don't get a girlfriend or get laid. It's as simple as that.


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## meganmila

phoenixwright said:


> A woman can want a lot of sex but generally only want it with her boyfriend. The original point that Nexus made was that women were a lot more patient and a lot less desperate for sex. They generally don't have that same primal urgency that men do. Whenever I see an opportunity to get a girlfriend or even to get laid, I am on that **** like a hawk. And I have low testosterone for male! Women do not have that sense of urgency. They assume a situation of abundance. They are in no rush to find a mate. I'd bet that if the vast majority of SAS virgins traded places with you, they would take advantage of how much easier it is for a woman to get action and go get laid TONIGHT.


So are you saying women only want relationships and ONLY be in a relationship to have sex? Cause that is so NOT true at all...well for me it isn't. These days yes I would call it "desperate" for me...this guy that I wasn't really attracted to texted me to hang out I never responded but I really did think about going after him cause I have no one else. With the hottest guy in the place? Hmmm maybe from not so attractive guys.

I feel like this will become a women vs men discussion. Can we not have that? I will like to keep this on topic and not locked..thanks!


----------



## phoenixwright

meganmila said:


> So are you saying women only want relationships and ONLY be in a relationship to have sex? Cause that is so NOT true at all...well for me it isn't. These days yes I would call it "desperate" for me...this guy that I wasn't really attracted to texted me to hang out I never responded but I really did think about going after him cause I have no one else. With the hottest guy in the place? Hmmm maybe from not so attractive guys.
> 
> I feel like this will become a women vs men discussion. Can we not have that? I will like to keep this on topic and not locked..thanks!


It's not a women vs men discussion. Women don't necessarily have it easier. They have much lower sexual urgency than men. So it's not like easier access to sex makes their life easier. Easier access to sex doesn't mean **** if the desire isn't there.

Sure women can want sex outside of a relationship. But men want that a lot more than women do. Men have a much greater sense of urgency.


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## meganmila

Anyways...


----------



## Cnidaria

I'd say casual sex is pretty accepted in the UK, but you have to take into account that I'm at university as well, so there's more of it than you would find in other walks of life maybe...

Well I texted the guy back, I saw him last night, we went to a party for a bit then went back to his place. So at least it's not a one night stand I guess? This really is a strange situation for me, I'm not quite sure what will come out of this, or what I want to come out of this, just taking it one day at a time...

But that I've slept with him make him not take me seriously? I mean he knows that I'm not very experienced, that I don't go out and hook up with people everyday.


----------



## meganmila

Cnidaria said:


> I'd say casual sex is pretty accepted in the UK, but you have to take into account that I'm at university as well, so there's more of it than you would find in other walks of life maybe...
> 
> Well I texted the guy back, I saw him last night, we went to a party for a bit then went back to his place. So at least it's not a one night stand I guess? This really is a strange situation for me, I'm not quite sure what will come out of this, or what I want to come out of this, just taking it one day at a time...
> 
> But that I've slept with him make him not take me seriously? I mean he knows that I'm not very experienced, that I don't go out and hook up with people everyday.


I think it depends on the guy. If he is not gonna respect you just cause you slept with him then I say he is an a*shole and not worth it. Like you said just take it day by day see where it goes.


----------



## phoenixwright

meganmila said:


> I think it depends on the guy. If he is not gonna respect you just cause you slept with him then I say he is an a*shole and not worth it. Like you said just take it day by day see where it goes.


A lot of women *think* that a guy must have lost respect for her for sleeping with him early on if he won't go beyond hooking up with her. But it could just be that he never intended to have a relationship with the girl in the first place. Men are a lot less picky when it comes to who they sleep with versus who they get into a relationship.

Sometimes men drop their standards of who they'd sleep with to embarrassingly low levels. Been there, done that. Women on the other hand never feel like they have to be that desperate ever unless she has an abnormally high sex drive for a woman (exceptions to the rule always exist). They never feel like they have to lower their standards. This is why I think it's absurd when women question me when I say that men want sex on a more intense, primal level than women. Men are so desperate for sex that they are willing to stoop to embarrassingly low levels. Women don't think like that ever because they don't feel any sort of pressure whatsoever to lower their standards. "Because I'm worth it" (TM). They will hold out for what they feel they are worth. Even if it means not getting laid for a very long time. Their testosterone is low so they can handle it.

Though YES there are lots of guys who think "oh this girl isn't girlfriend material" if she sleeps with him "too early". You will find these guys right on SAS. I read a couple of "Dear Abby" type questions online from women recently who asked if it would be ok to perform oral sex on a guy they like on the second date in lieu of having sex with him because they don't want to appear like a ****. A lot of guys thought that it was ****ty of her to want to give a guy oral on the second date. That if she is doing it on the second date for him, she must have done it for a lot of guys before him and that it's no longer special. At the end of the day, I really don't care if I'm #1 or #51. I want to be loved. Love is the most important thing in a relationship.


----------



## Nexus777

Barette said:


> No matter how old you are, you've never had a vagina so you don't know more about women's sex drives than I do. I have the vagina and estrogen and have spoken extensively with other vagina owners so I should know a bit more about it
> .


Guess what, I have spoken to quite much "vagina owners" in the past and even had erotique relationships (kind of) with some of them. Also I knew some GFs of buddies of mine in the past YUP I HAD BUDDIES at some time in my live (maybe not real friends but still). If I post now on this board does not mean I always was a loner, starving for love/erotique, poor, uncool, shy, terrible etc. I even now have moments where I am a cool guy (just a bit marketing for my own self here lol). Not every male here has zero experience or is a virgin (just reminding of that fact). Ah and that wasnt meant as an insult to you or so, I just calculate my age, my life experience... vs. your age and your persived experience (from what I have read from you on here).... thats male logic.

And I know that womens sex drive can be quite high if they are into you and know you for some time. Or they are drunk  But not if you just met them , they won´t jump at you as a stranger (except ur a handsome alpha kinda guy). Otherwise some males might even fancy the idea to have sex with a stranger woman....

But I like the term "vagina owner" somehow


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## Barette

I never implied you know nothing about women. Nor did I ever say that there was no difference between men and women. But I certainly know more about women's sex drives than you do. Y'all are backtracking. The original statement was "women don't think about sex much outside of a relationship" and that is SO UNTRUE. All I'm sayin'. Now y'all are saying that men are more visual, which is pretty much proved and has nothing to do with the original statement. But the original statement was incorrect, despite all the backtracking. All I'm saying, aiight?


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## Nexus777

Ok ok, so tell me some details about what you think and phantasize about ? lol Guess not the right place for it here


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## Barette

Kind of going off this, what sucks is that guys really don't know what kind of pressure is put on girls when it comes to sexuality. Like, I was raised that in order to respect myself and for the guy to respect me, I needed to wait a 6 month minimum to do anything. My mom said 6 months, specifically. My grandmother told me to wait until marriage, in order to be respected. My friend told me that when she started dating, her mother told her that if she found out my friend was having sex, she'd kick her out. Boot her *** right out of the house, and my friend was like 16 at the time, so when hormones are going nuts. I've been around girls who would be like "She slept with so and so last weekend, she's such a ****" "She looks like a ****" Words like **** and wh*re and loose and w/e thrown around. Like, "I feel like a wh*re but when I went out with him I let him do blah blah blah" and it's like, we really do face all that pressure. It's not all biology for why women don't have more casual sex. I was raised that it's wh*rish to have casual sex, and disrespectful to yourself and that no guy would respect you. Like, there's that stereotype that men define their masculinity by how many women they've slept with, well I think that women are told to define their self respect by how few guys they've been with. Or done anything with.

Edit: I mean, I used to judge and shame other girls for that too. Then I started realizing how stupid it was, but it was hard to learn not to judge other girls based on how many guys they've slept with. I used to think like "What a ****" but that's cause that's how I was raised to think, and how all the other girls around me were. We had one girl in my middle school (it was a tiny class, like the whole 8th grade was 20 kids) and she was the one that would flirt with the boys, and we'd joke like "She's gonna get pregnant by 15" and mean things like that. They would **** shame, so of course I thought that was the right thing to do. Everyone around me **** shamed, and I was raised that you lose your self respect by doing things with guys, so I **** shamed in turn. I mean, it really is unfair, the disconnect we're told to have with our sexualities.


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## komorikun

Just don't screw people at work/school or in your immediate social circle and no one will know how many people or who you have screwed. It might be difficult in small towns but in the big city there is plenty of anonymity.


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## Barette

I was raised that God would know (from my grandparents), or that _I_ would know and couldn't respect myself for it, being used like that (from my mom). I've had friends told the same kinda thing.

Edit: Maybe I just come from an old-fashioned family and not many other women can relate to what I'm saying. But I've had friends say the same thing (like the one whose mom would kick her out) and have seen/been a part of **** shaming a lot.


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## meganmila

Well I guess I'm a w*ore for having casual sex then and sometimes I do enjoy it. For me right now I don't even want a boyfriend. I just want flings or casual stuff. Like this guy I'm talking to I know this will be fling...nothing serious...just hanging out having sex.

I see nothing wrong with as long as it's safe and everybody is consenting and she is happy what she is doing it then so what?

All this shaming sucks basically...and I think a lot more girls should rebel against and do whatever the **** they want. If you are horny call somebody up or something like that.

I hope Barette you don't shame what I am doing....


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## Barette

I wasn't calling anyone a wh*re or saying casual sex is wrong, I'm saying that's what I was raised to hear a lot and that's what I've had friends tell me and what I've heard from others. I said I don't **** shame anymore, but back when I had meaner friends, I did **** shame because that's what I heard them do a lot and was around a lot. A while ago I realized how wrong it was. I was just using that as an example of the pressures that I think women feel. I guess I must just have an old fashioned family and conservative/mean friends in the past.


----------



## Barette

I was responding more to meganmilla since I didn't say that it was wh*rish to have casual sex, and I don't judge her for it. I don't judge any woman for it, I'm saying that the judgement women do receive from people based on sexual experience, since there undoubtedly is, is unfair and unjust and unkind. I was just using myself as an example since I've been around a lot of **** shaming so I know it's still super prevalent.


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> I was responding more to meganmilla since I didn't say that it was wh*rish to have casual sex, and I don't judge her for it. I don't judge any woman for it, I'm saying that the judgement women do receive from people based on sexual experience, since there undoubtedly is, is unfair and unjust and unkind. I was just using myself as an example since I've been around a lot of **** shaming so I know it's still super prevalent.


Yeah it is still around. I guess for my self I will just ignore people like that.

I do like you Barette...that's why I hoping you didn't judge me.


----------



## Barette

No, I definitely don't judge you, or anyone else now. I'm glad that a while ago I was able to recognize my thoughts as being judgmental and wrong and a product of hanging out with the wrong people (and having extremely judgmental grandparents), and being able to change my viewpoints.


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## meganmila

That is awesome that you did. Cause some of your view points I do like. So there lol


----------



## nautilus

Barette said:


> Edit: I mean, I used to judge and shame other girls for that too. Then I started realizing how stupid it was, but it was hard to learn not to judge other girls based on how many guys they've slept with. I used to think like "What a ****" but that's cause that's how I was raised to think, and how all the other girls around me were. We had one girl in my middle school (it was a tiny class, like the whole 8th grade was 20 kids) and she was the one that would flirt with the boys, and we'd joke like "She's gonna get pregnant by 15" and mean things like that. They would **** shame, so of course I thought that was the right thing to do. Everyone around me **** shamed, and I was raised that you lose your self respect by doing things with guys, so I **** shamed in turn. I mean, it really is unfair, the disconnect we're told to have with our sexualities.


I can relate. My mom never told me not to sleep around directly, but she would make judgmental statements about women who wore revealing clothes or acted a certain way. Not to mention that the culture around me seemed so judgmental about female sexuality, sometimes blatantly, sometimes indirectly. I used to think things like, "I'm really glad I don't act like that just to get guys". I realized how judgmental I was being a few years ago, and how illogical that perspective really was. Surprisingly, I quickly came to admire those women who can sleep with guys when they want to (provided they're respectful of other's feelings), and not be affected by what people say about them. Or, in some cases, those who get their heart broken and can withstand judgment for sleeping with someone "too soon" on top of it. Honestly, much of my old perspective was rationalization for my own loneliness ("guys may not show much interest in me, but at least I have my self respect") when really I was just scared, to put it simply.


----------



## Barette

nautilus said:


> I can relate. My mom never told me not to sleep around directly, but she would make judgmental statements about women who wore revealing clothes or acted a certain way. Not to mention that the culture around me seemed so judgmental about female sexuality, sometimes blatantly, sometimes indirectly. I used to think things like, "I'm really glad I don't act like that just to get guys". I realized how judgmental I was being a few years ago, and how illogical that perspective really was. Surprisingly, I quickly came to admire those women who can sleep with guys when they want to (provided they're respectful of other's feelings), and not be affected by what people say about them. *Or, in some cases, those who get their heart broken and can withstand judgment for sleeping with someone "too soon" on top of it.* Honestly, much of my old perspective was rationalization for my own loneliness ("guys may not show much interest in me, but at least I have my self respect") when really I was just scared, to put it simply.


That's something I heard a lot. That if you sleep with a guy too soon then he won't respect you and you'll have lost part of your self respect when you break up, and that sleeping too soon will be part of the reason for the break up, as well. That logic used to make sense to me, but now I see it's silly. I mean, why not just have fun and enjoy each other while together? Why shame a girl for that? It's silly.

I admire women who embrace their sexuality unabashedly, as well. I WISH I could be like that, and I realized a lot of my past close mindedness came from some serious jealousy. In that, I wish I could be comfortable in my own body and with myself, and here's a girl that is, so I shamed her for it to make up for my own insecurities. IDK if that's the reason some other girls **** shame, but that was a big part of my reason for it. Now when I meet girls that just have fun with guys because they want to, I try and learn from their confidence, rather than judge them for it.

IDK, my mom's better than she used to be, now that she's seeing me more as an adult (IDK why though, I'm more immature than ever), she's been better. But she still has moments. We were watching a Lifetime movie and the girl went to bed with the guy within a few dates, and she was like "tsk tsk" and I jokingly gasped and shouted "wh*re!!" (super jokingly, I wasn't serious at all), but she was like, entirely serious, "No, she really is." So my mom's pretty liberal about things, so I'll think she doesn't **** shame, but then I still hear things like that. I can't blame her though, given my grandparents. She's said she tries really hard to be as nonjudgmental as she can be, because she despises how my grandparents treat other people and she tries to separate themselves from their mindset as much as possible, but you can't help stuff ingrained so deeply. My grandparents are the most judgmental people I know, prob will ever know.


----------



## bsd3355

I think everyone "**** shaming" just perpetuates the jealousy and insecurities of people for both sexes. It's like telling a white raciest kid that blacks are moving into the neighborhood. It's the same kind of stupidity. In reality, people are sexual beings. All the people who can't handle that are insecure. I admit, even I feel a twinge of insecurity women I hear about some women being so sexual with multiple partners in their lives, but I realize that it's a stupid insecurity of my own I'd do better without. I try to be open about it as much as possible. I don't want to be fed lies to calm unnecessary and stupid insecurities. How can we all be so god damn sensitive? It's ridiculous. We'd all be better off to know and accept the truth. Not everyone is that way, but if they decide to be, then who the **** are we to tell them they shouldn't or that they are "wrong" or "****s" for doing so when it's so something so natural. Just be safe and try to be responsible is my motto.

Some girls/guys will get laid more than you can fathom. Some will lie; others won't. The truth of the matter is that they will do it regardless if you like it or not so you better stop being a butt hurt person about some stupid unnecessary insecurity like "**** shame". I don't think that insecurity should be there. I don't think it's natural.

Understandably, there is a lot of emotions that can happen when you mess around like that. There are good reasons why people disapprove; however, if you do not become emotionally caught up in it and view it as just a sexual experience, and the other person does the same, then I think there is nothing wrong with that. Most people have a hard time not getting emotionally affected, which is one reason why it's a problem for a lot of people. Bottom lie, again, is people should be able to do what they want with their own bodies, and what we feel insecure about may be totally different for them. We have every right to have our own views on the matter and likewise so do they.

If people aren't allowed to be "****s" then I guess people shouldn't be gay or lesbian; men shouldn't wear makeup; black people shouldn't vote; there shouldn't be art, etc.


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## meganmila

Hell, I slept with guys way too soon cause I wanted to. Of course nothing ever came of it but did I wanted something to come from it? No I didn't. I honestly was just having fun and getting new experiences. I like sex and it's been forever for me so yes the next attractive guy that asks me out I will do something about it. **** all the haters. I would say they are jealous but probably not they are just haters in general.


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## Cnidaria

I agree with so many of the comments that have been made in this thread. Pretty recently I realised the reason why I thought of girls as being ****ty was my own jealousy and insecurity. You're going to feel that way about pretty girls who guys want and can embrace their sexuality, if you're a sexually frustrated introvert who doesn't have much confidence and feels very unattractive most of the time.

But putting them down and **** shaming won't fix what's wrong with you, it doesn't make you any better than them, if anything it makes you much worse (thanks, Mean Girls!). I've come to the conclusion that end the end of the day, if a guy judges you like that, you don't want to be with him anyway. I mean, I'd never consider myself a ****, but some people probably would because I've slept with people a few hours after meeting them. But just because I've done that it doesn't mean I couldn't commit to a relationship with someone, that I couldn't remain faithful to someone.

And I agree with the above post, even if they're not your soulmate, it's just good to get new experiences.


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## Nexus777

meganmila said:


> Hell, I slept with guys way too soon cause I wanted to. Of course nothing ever came of it but did I wanted something to come from it? No I didn't. I honestly was just having fun and getting new experiences. I like sex and it's been forever for me so yes the next attractive guy that asks me out I will do something about it. **** all the haters. I would say they are jealous but probably not they are just haters in general.


Would you date (or have sex) with someone from this board ? Guess there should be some guy from Tx on here? But I guess not, cause most of us are persived as losers by women on here, right ? :teeth

Btw: I visited a customer yesterday, his daughter (I believe) was smiling the whole time at me. I did not smile at her first, but then I just looked at her and smiled back most of the time (which was ca. 4-5 mins) loool. It was hard to concentrate on what the customer was saysing  Guess she was just a friendly person.... do you smile at guys that long and intensive if u are just friendly or maybe she liked me in some way...mh.


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## phoenixwright

meganmila said:


> Hell, I slept with guys way too soon cause I wanted to. Of course nothing ever came of it but did I wanted something to come from it? No I didn't. I honestly was just having fun and getting new experiences. I like sex and it's been forever for me so yes the next attractive guy that asks me out I will do something about it. **** all the haters. I would say they are jealous but probably not they are just haters in general.


For a lot of guys it's not even about the next attractive woman. But the next willing vagina. :lol Men are the gender with a lot less patience and much more desperation. That's why men are so aggressive in the dating scene whereas women are much more patient with who they choose as their boyfriend or sleep with. It seems like the vast majority of the women on OKCupid I have browsed over months and months have remained single for an eternity. You have to wonder how long these women are going without sex too.


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## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> It seems like the vast majority of the women on OKCupid I have browsed over months and months have remained single for an eternity. You have to wonder how long these women are going without sex too.


That was sarcasm right ?


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## phoenixwright

Nexus777 said:


> That was sarcasm right ?


I wasn't being sarcastic at all. You really think all these single girls on OKCupid who are remaining single are going out having all of this wonderful casual sex? The average female iPhone user on OKCupid I read had an average of 12.8 sexual partners by the time she hit 30 (they broke down sexual partners by smartphone platform. The average male iPhone user has 10 btw. The average male Android user 6.1. Female Android user 6.6 I believe. iPhone users are ****tier than Android users). If women typically lose their virginity by 16-18, that's an average of what? 1 sexual partner per year for iPhone users and 1 sexual partner per 2 years for Android users? Sounds like most of those are boyfriends to me. Maybe a lot of these OKCupid girls have one consistent male **** buddy they keep on the side and god knows that one male **** buddy is probably some alpha male douchebag who is having sex on the regular with like 4-5 women (who are only seeing that one guy. If you are one of those girls who stay exclusive to one guy but allow him to have a stable of women to have sex with, I hate you! lol You are contributing to male sexual frustration by supporting polygamy). It's not girls gone wild out there. Maybe in the UK it is like that. lol. It seems like things are more liberal there these days than North America.


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## Nexus777

Uhm, my friend, it seems you believe to much in statistics and/or in the internet. One of the reasons that girls are on these sites for months is that they dont care. Even if they have a partner now, they wont neccesary delete their profile. They still can chat on their or cheat on their partner (if she stumbled over one of the hot alpha guys you mention for example)... or they just let the profile inactive and forget about it. That people have profiles on these sites does not mean they are actively looking (also note a huge portion are fakes anyway).... I have 3 profiles still on dating sites, do I care about them? NO! Cause no one messages me and I have given up to message myself. Still my profiles are there...maybe I may use them later again. There was only ONE site, that deleted my profile cause of inactivity on my part after - i believe - 3 months.

I also would like to experience the liberal UK tho However it is not so, that the UK has this image regarding sex and stuff, more Italy or Spain I guess. The liberal people from the Uk on here might be an exception. I was only there for 2 days (South-east England), so what do I know. I know they have fish and chips which is quite good and some of their castles are nice.... but I dont know people from there (what a shame actually)...


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## phoenixwright

These girls have active profiles and remain single for lengthy periods of time. OKCupid has a "last online" section that shows you when they were last online.


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## Nexus777

But you dont know if they are still single and you dont know how much sex they have while their status may be single ? I dont want to go into this more, but I also can write what I want on these profiles, does anyone know if it is true untill he/she met me in person? NOPE there is your answer......women like to get attention on these sites it feeds their egos simple as that. Even if they arent interested a bit to actually meet someone.


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## phoenixwright

I have met women in-person from online dating sites. In the past year I have met, let's see, one, two, three, four, five women from online dating sites. I banged one of those girls four times before I dropped her because she was psycho. I went on three dates with one, two with another. One of them was a total *****. And another just fizzled out because she had to move back to her home town (and that was legit. I googled her number and saw that she relocated. lol). And going to meet a sixth this week. And I'm a lazy mother****er. I put in a fraction of the effort that rymo and bwidger put in. Must be because I have low testosterone. Ask rymo and bwidger. I barely put in effort. Though it helps that I'm good looking (guys who are considered "unattractive" can get girlfriends. Though maybe it's tougher with online dating). I admit that rymo exaggerates how easy it is to get action. He is from what I understand 6'3" and good looking (you ******* you! ). He's alpha as ****. You can't just pretend that that kind of thing doesn't matter. 

A lot of girls do go online to feed their egos yes. I got flaked by a girl that may have been like that.

But hey there are SAS girls here right now looking for boyfriends man. And some of them are on these online dating sites.


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## Nexus777

phoenixwright said:


> I
> 
> A lot of girls do go online to feed their egos yes. I got flaked by a girl that may have been like that.
> 
> But hey there are SAS girls here right now looking for boyfriends man. And some of them are on these online dating sites.


Well fine for you if online dating works so good. 

Well these SA girls on here are mostly US and UK it seems. So people from these countries should hook up - why not. You should open a SA dating thread ... I have not seen a single woman from "my" country on here tbh lol... seems I am a rarity here. Fine, I am also a rarity with my taste of style and music on here. Just looked in the "style" thread, no I wouldn´t meet women from here I guess, most of them seem very "conservative" (or better "normal") so not really my taste for a RS, maybe some "fun" ok.

(However I chat with 2-3 women from here at skype which seem to be nice and more open and more fun, so not all bad here, but they are 1000s km away )

Ah and I bet most women on here wouldn´t date SA guys from here.... we´re perseived as losers by them anyway. Well I am not, but would they believe this?  OT off


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## Jay-Son

meganmila said:


> Hell, I slept with guys way too soon cause I wanted to. Of course nothing ever came of it but did I wanted something to come from it? No I didn't. I honestly was just having fun and getting new experiences. I like sex and it's been forever for me so yes the next attractive guy that asks me out I will do something about it. **** all the haters. I would say they are jealous but probably not they are just haters in general.


That a girl Megan..go get em!:clap


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## SilentLyric

phoenixwright said:


> For a lot of guys it's not even about the next attractive woman. But the next willing vagina. :lol Men are the gender with a lot less patience and much more desperation. That's why men are so aggressive in the dating scene whereas women are much more patient with who they choose as their boyfriend or sleep with. It seems like the vast majority of the women on OKCupid I have browsed over months and months have remained single for an eternity. You have to wonder how long these women are going without sex too.


can you stop derailing the thread, it's not about who wants sex more, it's about girls trying to help each other out in being more comfortable with guys. This is a positive thread. I'm sorry sex is so hard to come by, but the end result is the same, a guy and a girl have sex. I wasn't going to say anything but you are seemingly obsessed with this and it's making guys look bad by implying that only sex matters to them and if they don't get it, attack women for it. I'm sorry, but women have a choice to have sex, whether you like it or not.


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## Zeeshan

SilentLuke said:


> can you stop derailing the thread, it's not about who wants sex more, it's about girls trying to help each other out in being more comfortable with guys. This is a positive thread. I'm sorry sex is so hard to come by, but the end result is the same, a guy and a girl have sex. I wasn't going to say anything but you are seemingly obsessed with this and it's making guys look bad by implying that only sex matters to them and if they don't get it, attack women for it. I'm sorry, but women have a choice to have sex, whether you like it or not.


Not to mention the application of small sample sizes to the entire population, speaking for the entire gender etc....


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## phoenixwright

SilentLuke said:


> can you stop derailing the thread, it's not about who wants sex more, it's about girls trying to help each other out in being more comfortable with guys. This is a positive thread. I'm sorry sex is so hard to come by, but the end result is the same, a guy and a girl have sex. I wasn't going to say anything but you are seemingly obsessed with this and it's making guys look bad by implying that only sex matters to them and if they don't get it, attack women for it. I'm sorry, but women have a choice to have sex, whether you like it or not.


Nexus brought up a point about men being a lot more desperate than women and I agreed with him and then we go on having a group discussion about psychobiology, sociology, etc. This makes me not positive? Whatever. lol.


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## nautilus

SilentLuke said:


> can you stop derailing the thread, it's not about who wants sex more, it's about girls trying to help each other out in being more comfortable with guys. This is a positive thread. I'm sorry sex is so hard to come by, but the end result is the same, a guy and a girl have sex. I wasn't going to say anything but you are seemingly obsessed with this and it's making guys look bad by implying that only sex matters to them and if they don't get it, attack women for it. I'm sorry, but women have a choice to have sex, whether you like it or not.





Zeeshan said:


> Not to mention the application of small sample sizes to the entire population, speaking for the entire gender etc....


Thanks guys  I second this.


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## Nexus777

I AM GUILTY leave Phoenix alone 

But really from a biological and evolutionary standpoint we´re mostly right, but ok,......every 2nd thread is derailed in forums (just for info). And I never attack women, thats not my style. Maybe I sometimes post too "realistic" and not optimistic enough, ok I am guilty in this case. I proposed also a SA dating thread for US+UK people, but no one seems to want this at all, but people complain they are lonely on here more then enough, why dont you try to do something ? And I am very unselfish in this, as it would not benefit me at all cause I am not from these countries...


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## phoenixwright

A SA dating thread wouldn't work out. People go to a support site to have a safe environment where they can talk freely about issues that are impacting their life. Once you put yourself in dating mode, you automatically wear a mask and self-censor yourself. Whether you are even consciously aware of it. If you create a dating type environment, there will be no true outlet.


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## komorikun

Yeah, on a dating site I would never talk about my sexual past or my ex-boyfriends. Or my views on relationships. That **** can not be known by potential romantic partners.


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## meganmila

SilentLuke said:


> can you stop derailing the thread, it's not about who wants sex more, it's about girls trying to help each other out in being more comfortable with guys. This is a positive thread. I'm sorry sex is so hard to come by, but the end result is the same, a guy and a girl have sex. I wasn't going to say anything but you are seemingly obsessed with this and it's making guys look bad by implying that only sex matters to them and if they don't get it, attack women for it. I'm sorry, but women have a choice to have sex, whether you like it or not.


THIS! This this thissssss


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## phoenixwright

The original point wasn't refuted. That men are more desperate in the dating market due to the stronger biological drive that men have for sex. Instead the opposing debater wants to play the ad hominem game. I shall drop this subject. Lets assume that it's all girls gone wild (I've been with 8 in the past year. How many chicks can say that? They choose not to. They don't have the same desire. The average girl would rather have the one guy.)


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Nothing. Just trying to keep one. :/


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## meganmila

Phoenix..I've been with that same amount in 2009 soo....mind you I wanted new experiences I was also new to everything if you catch my drift. Relationships for me right now I dunno if I wanna be in one. I don't even know if I can keep them for that long...I think that's why. I think I'll just wait when I get older to settle down. But if something happens then it happens..we will just see how it long it lasts. I don't think I will take anything seriously right now.


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## bsd3355

phoenixwright said:


> The original point wasn't refuted. That men are more desperate in the dating market due to the stronger biological drive that men have for sex. Instead the opposing debater wants to play the ad hominem game. I shall drop this subject. Lets assume that it's all girls gone wild (I've been with 8 in the past year. How many chicks can say that? They choose not to. They don't have the same desire. The average girl would rather have the one guy.)


You always say how much "you suck with girls" and you've been with 8 girls last year?

You're something else bro, really :roll


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## komorikun

I don't know if I should respond to someone that has an empty profile for the most part. And it says "wants to date but nothing serious." Has a nice face but...

I'm really having trouble getting motivated to meet anyone. I just feel sort of blah/meh about all of them.

Going on a date just takes so much out of me. I get all nervous and I have to deal with the incessant text messages to figure out when and where to meet since they never call and I'm too much of a ***** to call myself. Then I have to get all gussied up and take a bus somewhere.


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## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> I get all nervous and I have to deal with the incessant text messages to figure out when and where to meet since they never call and I'm too much of a ***** to call myself.


Yes I expressed my annoyance with this process in that other thread. You can figure out the when and where over the phone in like 2 minutes. You can set up a date quickly via text messaging too but if they don't respond to you right away and there are large gaps in the messages, this is a process that can take awhile.



> Then I have to get all gussied up and take a bus somewhere.


Do you live in a more suburban part of the Bay Area? I heard that public transportation in San Francisco was pretty good.

If you don't have a car, the guy is going to have to come to you (if he has a car). I have a car so if a girl takes a bus, meeting her half-way would be a much greater inconvenience for her than me. If the guy takes transit too, you can always negotiate to meet half-way.


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## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> I live in the city but not in the happening part of town. The public transit is not that great. I guess it's good compared to the rest of the Western half of the US but it sucks compared to NY or Japan. Basically it's buses or trains that when above ground run slower than the bus. Only BART is fast but it only has a few stops in the city and I live far from one.
> 
> I'm really lazy and would prefer the guy to just pick me up in his car. I'm not really afraid of being hurt or anything. I can suss people out pretty well and never had any major problems.
> 
> Would it be bad to ask to meet at this coffee shop that's 2 blocks from my house? Then if the talk goes well we could go to a bar. The problem is then that they can't drink since they're driving. I can't stand sober dates. I need to be drunk to enjoy myself. Get too nervous. And it's just what I'm used to. I have much more experience with meeting guys at clubs than through online dating.
> 
> I just can't be assed to take the bus to meet someone who I know nothing about cause they never bothered to fill out their profile. I guess I could do messenger with them but so many guys don't have it or ask to text. I hate texting. Messenger is so much better. My blood pressure shoots through the roof with texting sometimes cause I get so frustrated.


I never offer to pick a woman up on the first date because she might think that is creepy (you bring up the safety aspect) and 2) I don't know if it's a dude (girls of my generation and younger mainly text and don't talk on the phone anymore) or they may use a girl as bait to lure a pack of guys to jump/mug you. Most online dating dates are probably harmless. But yeah I'm iffy about meeting at a girl's private residence. I would feel a lot more comfortable meeting a girl at a coffee shop or bar near her house than picking her up on the first date.

As for the whole drinking and driving aspect, I have met girls at bars for dates and drank alcohol. But I stay within the legal limit. On a date I'll have about 1-2 drinks. Driving aside, I would not want to overdo it anyway since alcohol would just exasperate my erectile dysfunction problems most likely. Drinking may make me more relaxed. But it is a depressant. It may make a woman more likely to put out. But it's going to make guys more likely to not get it up. I read an article recently that the reason why alcohol works out favourably for young college guys is because at that age, their hormones are so crazy that it doesn't have a detrimental effect. It's not unusual for a mid or late-20s guy to have a wet noodle from alcohol. And since I have low testosterone, it should especially be avoided in my case. For women, it's fine for them to drink and get drunk. Though some girls cry rape the next morning if she had a little bit too much wine and went to bed with you (not that I speak from experience. But you see women in the media accuse rape in these situations).

I prefer instant messaging over texting as well because then you know when they are online and able to talk with you. iMessage or BBM are kinda like a half-breed between instant messaging and texting. But both people need iPhones for the former and Blackberrys for the latter. I prefer to type away on my laptop chatting with a girl than thumbing out a text (I'm really fast with my thumbs though).


----------



## meganmila

Kom, can ya'll just meet halfway? But I guess you say since the transit is not that great maybe that couldn't work. That is what I do . But I did have guys just pick me up before.


----------



## komorikun

phoenixwright said:


> I never offer to pick a woman up on the first date because she might think that is creepy (you bring up the safety aspect) and 2) I don't know if it's a dude (girls of my generation and younger mainly text and don't talk on the phone anymore) or they may use a girl as bait to lure a pack of guys to jump/mug you. Most online dating dates are probably harmless. But yeah I'm iffy about meeting at a girl's private residence. I would feel a lot more comfortable meeting a girl at a coffee shop or bar near her house than picking her up on the first date.
> 
> As for the whole drinking and driving aspect, I have met girls at bars for dates and drank alcohol. But I stay within the legal limit. On a date I'll have about 1-2 drinks. Driving aside, I would not want to overdo it anyway since alcohol would just exasperate my erectile dysfunction problems most likely. Drinking may make me more relaxed. But it is a depressant. It may make a woman more likely to put out. But it's going to make guys more likely to not get it up. I read an article recently that the reason why alcohol works out favourably for young college guys is because at that age, their hormones are so crazy that it doesn't have a detrimental effect. It's not unusual for a mid or late-20s guy to have a wet noodle from alcohol. And since I have low testosterone, it should especially be avoided in my case. For women, it's fine for them to drink and get drunk. Though some girls cry rape the next morning if she had a little bit too much wine and went to bed with you (not that I speak from experience. But you see women in the media accuse rape in these situations).
> 
> I prefer instant messaging over texting as well because then you know when they are online and able to talk with you. iMessage or BBM are kinda like a half-breed between instant messaging and texting. But both people need iPhones for the former and Blackberrys for the latter. I prefer to type away on my laptop chatting with a girl than thumbing out a text (I'm really fast with my thumbs though).


I'm not planning on banging guys on the 1st date. I'd only do that if that is only what I'm interested in and the guy fits the description in what I want for casual sex (under age 28, good-looking, and not the most intelligent). Otherwise, I plan on banging them on the 3rd date. I do expect a makeout session on the 1st date though. And I really have not met too many guys with erection problems.

I think maybe I'll try that coffee shop near my house. But even for that I have to be motivated. But I just know these guys will complain and want to meet downtown or the mission.


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> I'm not planning on banging guys on the 1st date. I'd only do that if that is only what I'm interested in and the guy fits the description in what I want for casual sex (under age 28, good-looking, and not the most intelligent). Otherwise, I plan on banging them on the 3rd date. I do expect a makeout session on the 1st date though. And I really have not met too many guys with erection problems.
> .


:teeth Are intelligent guys bad at the sex thingy you talk about in ur "experience" ?


----------



## komorikun

Nexus777 said:


> :teeth Are intelligent guys bad at the sex thingy you talk about in ur "experience" ?


No but it's just easier that way. That way I know there is no chance of a relationship. And I find that the brighter ones are often more arrogant. Or maybe American guys are just more arrogant on average.


----------



## enfield

komorikun said:


> .
> I think maybe I'll try that coffee shop near my house. But even for that I have to be motivated. But I just know these guys will complain and want to meet downtown or the mission.


some people wouldn't complain and want to meet downtown or in the mission. or make your blood pressure rise very high or make you stressed with a lot of texts (some people don't even really text _or_ call people as you well know). some people have generous quantities of etizolam which can take care of most any worry, and which they would be more than willing to share, provided they didn't fall asleep on it by accident first, on account of having taken too much to stamp out their own anxiety.

:b


----------



## Nexus777

komorikun said:


> No but it's just easier that way. That way I know there is no chance of a relationship. And I find that the brighter ones are often more arrogant. Or maybe American guys are just more arrogant on average.


Well aha, I see. I can even follow up on this theory. I dont know a single US citizen personally, so no idea if they are more arrogant. I believe somehow that people are people and there might be not that big difference between western countries. However of course there are cultural differences. Which are bigger compared to non western societies of course.

I guess also for example Swedish people might be quite different to Italian ones, both western countries but one northern other southern....(seems I get OT again, will the girls here slap me again for it? lol)

We have a saying here: "Dumm fickt gut" maybe it is true.


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## nautilus

Lately I've been getting a lot of attention from various guys, to a degree I've never experienced before. I suspect it's because in the past, I would focus on one guy and get too nervous to interact with them much. But with more than one guy expressing interest, I don't know who to focus on, so I haven't made a move on anyone. A side effect of that is I'm not getting as nervous, yet I'm still talking to a bunch of different people, allowing them to get to know me and vice versa.

So now I need to come to terms with a new mindset. I'm finding that at times I'll be interested in a different guy from week to week, which is really strange coming from someone who, in a couple cases, spent more than a year only crushing on one person. Now it almost feels like I'd be losing out by choosing to think about only one guy. And logically that seems perfectly healthy, considering I haven't gone out with any of these people or even tried to flirt with them. So it makes sense that I don't feel like I can make a commitment yet; I don't know enough about each individual to know if we'd be "compatible" in the long run... or even the short run.

So my next step really is to just go out with someone... and maybe it will work out, and maybe it won't. I used to hate that dating is so uncertain, and while I still don't like it, I'm starting to see the advantage of ambiguity. Basically, people can get to know each other in a different context, and things only continue to move forward if both people are becoming increasingly certain it's what they want. At the moment, there are two guys who have made it clear enough that they're interested in me that even _I_ can tell. And I think I've decided which one I'm going to ask out, even though either one of them would be great. I put off that decision for several weeks, but I finally convinced myself it's not that big of a deal; going on a date with someone doesn't make anything set in stone.

I do have one question though; I can't help but wonder what I would do if I've made plans to go out with someone and then another guy asks me out (assuming it's someone I would go out with if I _wasn't_ dating anyone)? According to my dad, it's common practice to go out with more than one person, if there haven't been more than a few dates with any of them. That basically, it would be weird to mention on a first date that you're seeing other people, and that the whole "exclusivity" issue wouldn't come up until you're seeing someone for at least a month on a regular basis (once a week or more). Which makes sense; I think I can reluctantly accept that. But would it make a difference if the second guy is more easily hurt or likely to take dating more seriously?

I don't know if it's rational or not, but I would feel really guilty going out with more than one person within the same period of time. I mean, heck, I feel guilty just _thinking about_ more than one guy at a time, but at least in that case I know for sure it's irrational.


----------



## jimity

phoenixwright said:


> For a lot of guys it's not even about the next attractive woman. But the next willing vagina. :lol Men are the gender with a lot less patience and much more desperation. That's why men are so aggressive in the dating scene whereas women are much more patient with who they choose as their boyfriend or sleep with. It seems like the vast majority of the women on OKCupid I have browsed over months and months have remained single for an eternity. You have to wonder how long these women are going without sex too.


They would never reveal how long because they like to keep it secret for the most part because many probably are promiscuious.


----------



## saltyleaf

SilentLuke said:


> "Next time I see a guy like that, I will talk to him." And then later on come back here and talk about what happened when you did.


that's like asking me to sell my soul to the devil. :no


----------



## nautilus

I think this woman gives pretty good advice for both dating and social interactions in general. It seems like a lot of her videos are geared towards shy or socially anxious people, which is why I found them particularly helpful, even if a lot of it is just common sense.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

sorry, i thought that this was the "what are u dong to get a girl?" thread when i clicked on it.... the responses didnt make sense at first and then i realized my msitake lol... ill be leaving now... :tiptoe


----------



## nautilus

illmatic1 said:


> sorry, i thought that this was the "what are u dong to get a girl?" thread when i clicked on it.... the responses didnt make sense at first and then i realized my msitake lol... ill be leaving now... :tiptoe


Quick! Somebody fetch the nets, we caught one!


----------



## TobeyJuarez

nautilus said:


> Quick! Somebody fetch the nets, we caught one!


----------



## Milco

You ladies should try European men


----------



## phoenixwright

jimity said:


> They would never reveal how long because they like to keep it secret for the most part because many probably are promiscuious.


Female promiscuity is overstated. Single women can go a long time without getting laid. The reason for that is two-fold. Hormonal and social. Women have lower testosterone than men. They have less of a biological urge to just go out and ****. And it takes a lot more skill and patience to make a woman cum in bed (many have difficulty even being able to orgasm from sex to begin with). So a guy would have to really make it worth her while when chances are her fingers or vibrator can do a better job. :b Also unless a woman is a virgin of advanced age, there is no social pressure on a woman to go out and get laid. In fact quite the opposite! If she hooks up with a guy (casual sex) or hooks up with one too many guys, she is branded a ****.

Men on the other hand are seen as losers if they don't get laid. It's a different social pressure on men. I have low testosterone for a male and actually don't enjoy sex anywhere near as much as the vast majority of men (I can't cum from sex at all). And my physiological drive for sex is low. My psychological drive on the other hand is high. But as a male I have been socially engineered to believe that your worth as a person when you are a man is judged by your sexual success with women. So there is that social pressure on men to get laid. If I was a female, I would get judged for not having a boyfriend (though it's worse for a woman to date what her friends or family perceive to be a loser than to be single. Whereas a guy who has sex with fat chicks is still seen as better than a male virgin... There's a different dynamic at play with men and women. Women are socially encouraged to be choosy. Male virgins who are choosy are just plain ridiculed and told "you need to lower your standards bro"). But sexual conquests are not seen as important for women. In fact too many sexual conquests makes you a unladylike and a **** in society's eyes.

The problem though isn't that women aren't promiscuous enough or too promiscuous or whatever. The problem is that too many heterosexual men will **** anything human with a vagina.


----------



## rymo

phoenixwright said:


> Female promiscuity is overstated. Single women can go a long time without getting laid. The reason for that is two-fold. Hormonal and social. Women have lower testosterone than men. They have less of a biological urge to just go out and ****. And it takes a lot more skill and patience to make a woman cum in bed (many have difficulty even being able to orgasm from sex to begin with). So a guy would have to really make it worth her while when chances are her fingers or vibrator can do a better job. :b Also unless a woman is a virgin of advanced age, there is no social pressure on a woman to go out and get laid. In fact quite the opposite! If she hooks up with a guy (casual sex) or hooks up with one too many guys, she is branded a ****.
> 
> Men on the other hand are seen as losers if they don't get laid. It's a different social pressure on men. I have low testosterone for a male and actually don't enjoy sex anywhere near as much as the vast majority of men (I can't cum from sex at all). And my physiological drive for sex is low. My psychological drive on the other hand is high. But as a male I have been socially engineered to believe that your worth as a person when you are a man is judged by your sexual success with women. So there is that social pressure on men to get laid. If I was a female, I would get judged for not having a boyfriend (though it's worse for a woman to date what her friends or family perceive to be a loser than to be single. Whereas a guy who has sex with fat chicks is still seen as better than a male virgin... There's a different dynamic at play with men and women. Women are socially encouraged to be choosy. Male virgins who are choosy are just plain ridiculed and told "you need to lower your standards bro"). But sexual conquests are not seen as important for women. In fact too many sexual conquests makes you a unladylike and a **** in society's eyes.
> 
> The problem though isn't that women aren't promiscuous enough or too promiscuous or whatever. The problem is that too many heterosexual men will **** anything human with a vagina.


I'm not sure what your point is but I will just mention that a friend of mine is a very good-looking guy who should have no problem getting a girl, and he has been semi-successful in the past. But in the past over-a-year now he hasn't done anything with anyone. We bust his balls a bit about it but no one really cares. He doesn't care. We don't care. We don't see him as a loser. No one ****ing cares.


----------



## meganmila

Why are we still on that subject?

Anyways, European guys are hot


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> Why are we still on that subject?
> 
> Anyways, European guys are hot


Yeah, I'll take the Italian guy in that video. :yes


----------



## Milco

meganmila said:


> Anyways, European guys are hot


Rawr 


komorikun said:


> Yeah, I'll take the Italian guy in that video. :yes


Northern Europe, please!
Who doesn't like paleness and indecisive, modern men going through their mid-life crisis? :lol


----------



## meganmila

I have heard Italian men are aggressive.


----------



## phoenixwright

Italian men tend to be arrogant. They have a "hey look at me attitude". French men are more romantic and into the girl and not so much into themselves. This is what my sister has observed when spending time in both France and Italy.


----------



## komorikun

I've never been to Europe, so I don't know. My old Japanese roommate told me that Italians guys just loooooove women. Total horn dogs. The Brazilians in Sao Paulo are mostly of Italian descent. They're really cute. I thought they were more attractive than the guys in Belo Horizonte who are more of Portuguese descent. For some reason though the women of BH are supposed to be the hottest in Brazil (except for those with blondey fetishes.. then Santa Catarina). 

Some French guys are cute too. I kind of like the French guy who is in my English class this semester. I heard from this French girl I met in Japan that French guys have the best weiners. Thick and straight. She didn't like crooked ones or the little ones common in other nationalities. :lol


----------



## Barette

My mom's Italian friend told her that the guys in Italy are very handsy, like in Rome or major cities. They'll touch you if they like you, apparently. So def aggressive, haha.


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> My mom's Italian friend told her that the guys in Italy are very handsy, like in Rome or major cities. They'll touch you if they like you, apparently. So def aggressive, haha.


I heard this girl that was like 15 when she went there all these dudes we're hitting on her. They just don't care who you are they will hit on you haha.


----------



## phoenixwright

komorikun said:


> Brazilian guys won't touch you. They'll try to kiss you at parties and stuff but they won't touch your boobs or butt or whatever. Brazilian people told me that they were shocked how Americans grind on each other at clubs.


North American men in nightclubs have no class. You don't just go up and dry hump a female.



> I heard from this French girl I met in Japan that French guys have the best weiners. Thick and straight. She didn't like crooked ones or the little ones common in other nationalities.


What doesn't she like about curved penises? Don't they hit the G-Spot better?


----------



## meganmila

This thread never gets updated...sigh.

I will just be nice and make it updated. Well looks like I won't be meeting that guy. I was kind of bummed but I guess I'm over it. I got more important things to do. But yeah I'm not really doing much else...I always hope maybe someone will start talking to me when I'm out but meh...I guess I have to go to the right places.


----------



## mcmuffinme

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


You realize it's MUCH harder for women to lose weight than men. Women are predisposed to maintain fat because it is beneficial for carrying babies.

Also, I would argue that women not only have to be thin, but they also have to be BORN PRETTY!

You're an a--hole.

You know why I hardly ever try to get men? It's not because I expect them to approach me. It's because I'd rather be alone than feel any worse than I already do. Men never approach me, but you don't hear me whining about it. I don't say all men are bad people because they don't like me. What kind of an idiot would say that? The common denominator is YOU! If you don't have a girlfriend it's YOUR fault! Leave my gender alone! Prick!


----------



## komorikun

Yeah, I thought Zeeshan was an a-hole too.


----------



## forevereccentric

phoenixwright said:


> *Also unless a woman is a virgin of advanced age, there is no social pressure on a woman to go out and get laid.*


Says who? I was heavily bullied in high school when word got out that I was a virgin. Other girls bullied me for it so much and treated me like complete worthless trash so clearly there is a social pressure. Social pressure from other women, believe it or not.


----------



## voodoochild16

Canucklehead said:


> I highly doubt that applies to us men that have social anxiety disorder. :teeth


One study showed the fatter you get the more attractive you are to elderly woman over the age of 60. Yeah that makes a lot of damn sense


----------



## Barette

mcmuffinme said:


> You realize it's MUCH harder for women to lose weight than men. Women are predisposed to maintain fat because it is beneficial for carrying babies.
> 
> Also, I would argue that women not only have to be thin, but they also have to be BORN PRETTY!
> 
> You're an a--hole.
> 
> You know why I hardly ever try to get men? It's not because I expect them to approach me. It's because I'd rather be alone than feel any worse than I already do. Men never approach me, but you don't hear me whining about it. I don't say all men are bad people because they don't like me. What kind of an idiot would say that? The common denominator is YOU! If you don't have a girlfriend it's YOUR fault! Leave my gender alone! Prick!





komorikun said:


> Yeah, I thought Zeeshan was an a-hole too.


Yep.

I'm glad to know all our worth is tied into our body fat percentage, and if it's low enough, maybe, _just maybe_ we'll be lucky enough to have a man talk to us.


----------



## Cnidaria

I actually went on a blind date a few weeks back, it was very underwhelming :blank I wasn't into him, he wasn't into me, he seemed nice enough and we chatted a bit, the show we went to see was really good, afterwards we had an awkward hug and parted ways.

He just looked so young, there was nothing wrong with him really but being with a shortish, skinny, babyfaced guy always makes me self conscious, like I'm their mum or something. I think this is why I seem to be attracted to older guys, even if it's just a year or two, so I know I'm the 'young' one.


----------



## phoenixwright

forevereccentric said:


> Says who? I was heavily bullied in high school when word got out that I was a virgin. Other girls bullied me for it so much and treated me like complete worthless trash so clearly there is a social pressure. Social pressure from other women, believe it or not.


The only thing wrong with my statement was the "advanced age" comment. Most girls in high school get boyfriends eventually. And these days it's expected that couples will have sex in high school. So if you're a virgin throughout high school, people think you're a freak. Now if you had sex with like 10 guys in high school, those same girls would be calling you a ****.

I was under the impression that it was perfectly acceptable for a girl to be a virgin up until college. A lot of girls who were goody two shoes in high school go wild when they go away for college. But maybe the girls are easier where you are or I'm out of touch with you 90s babies. If you are still a virgin after completing college, then yeah I think society will start going "wtf?" If you've never had sex by the end of college, that is a sign that you are struggling relationship-wise and therefore will be seen as undesirable and a loser (unless you are practicing celibacy or otherwise very sexually conservative. You will get made fun of for that too).


----------



## lovecookies

If i'm really attracted to someone (like in a bar or club) i'd try to catch catch his eye,smile, and then just wait for him to make a first move.


----------



## splitimage

I'm considering going the dating site route. Don't seem to be having much luck with meeting guys at any of the Meetups I've gone to, so I think it's time to try something else. I'm still nervous that any guys I manage to land dates with will run after they've met me, but that could be just my horrible self-confidence talking.

At this point, I feel like I have nothing to lose.


----------



## Forwhatiamworth

Honestly , i try my best to put effort into what i look like but there is a lot of competition in California. I feel like no matter what I do, its not enough  I go to the gym, don't eat junk food but once a month. Im starting to give up hope. I am moving out of the state this summer so maybe a change in area will do me some good. I think a lot of people write me off bc im not super hot like all the other girls walking around, even though im not ugly I don't feel like I live up to all that is around me. Dating isn't as easy as people make it out to be. But I am very happy with who I am as a person and my SA has gotten way better so I think I will continue to be the person I am, bc I like my personality.


----------



## regimes

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


that's ridiculous.
girls have to do just as much as guys. and heavier ladies get men too. (i should know.)


----------



## BillDauterive

Forwhatiamworth said:


> Honestly , i try my best to put effort into what i look like but there is a lot of competition in California. I feel like no matter what I do, its not enough  I go to the gym, don't eat junk food but once a month. Im starting to give up hope. I am moving out of the state this summer so maybe a change in area will do me some good. I think a lot of people write me off bc im not super hot like all the other girls walking around, even though im not ugly I don't feel like I live up to all that is around me. Dating isn't as easy as people make it out to be. But I am very happy with who I am as a person and my SA has gotten way better so I think I will continue to be the person I am, bc I like my personality.


I think trying a new place is definitely a very good idea and may net you some very positive results in terms of getting a relationship! There are plenty of men and women who look outside their immediate area for a partner and many times, do find someone.

Yeah, go out and broaden your horizons and thus your available pool of guys, its not going to do any harm, it can only do some good, right? Go for it! :clap


----------



## Fruitcake

I wish there was more action in this thread.
I am going to go after a cute guy from work. I should have learned not to after the last cute guy from work. But this guy is so nice. And cute. I thought the last guy was the cutest guy in the world but it turns out this one is. It's kind of weird how all the cutest guys in the world work at my supermarket.
I don't actually know how I am going to go about "getting" him. But before I attempt that I am gonna make sure I am always prepared to have fascinating and hilarious conversations with him, or at least passably relaxed and amiable conversations, and maybe I'll offer him a ride home some time. I need to clean my car. And then fill it with sexually suggestive objects. And I should probably check if he has a girlfriend too. Or maybe I should just not and then I can at least get a kiss in and plead ignorance if he's taken.

Also I've decided that I'm now brave enough (in theory) to ask out guys (that I am at least friendlyish with) but I haven't been able to implement it because I only rarely come into contact with the mysterious specimens.


----------



## Lazercarp1

Zeeshan said:


> :-!
> 
> women dont have to do anything, basically if they are fat lose weight, thats pretty much it


To be fair, this is true. I think even fat women get hit on coz some guys are into that. Kinda amusing the women get annoyed when men suggest they have it easier in this respect. Doesn't mean its easier for women overall or that they all have easy lives but they should thank god for small mercies


----------



## komorikun

The ones that hit on you are generally unattractive or sleaze-bags that are trying to bang anything that moves. Unless I go out searching for guys I won't find any.


----------



## Lazercarp1

komorikun said:


> The ones that hit on you are generally unattractive or sleaze-bags that are trying to bang anything that moves. Unless I go out searching for guys I won't find any.


yeah I think the point is there's some guys with SA who don't get attention from any women, even unattractive ones, which is a damn sight worse...


----------



## komorikun

Lazercarp1 said:


> yeah I think the point is there's some guys with SA who don't get attention from any women, even unattractive ones, which is a damn sight worse...


I don't think that's worse. You will still be left in the same situation either way......alone.


----------



## AmandaMarie87

I've tried dating sites (well, one site anyway). It wasn't my thing. Right now, I'm just trying new hobbies and sports and just focusing on making new friends and catching up with old friends. Who knows, maybe I'll meet a guy this way or at least someone who can set me up.


----------



## AmandaMarie87

komorikun said:


> The ones that hit on you are generally unattractive or sleaze-bags that are trying to bang anything that moves. Unless I go out searching for guys I won't find any.


Amen to that.


----------



## TryingMara

Lazercarp1 said:


> To be fair, this is true. I think even fat women get hit on coz some guys are into that. Kinda amusing the women get annoyed when men suggest they have it easier in this respect. Doesn't mean its easier for women overall or that they all have easy lives but they should thank god for small mercies


No small mercies for me. I'm never hit on..not by old guys, sleazebags, no one. I need to lose a few pounds now, but I used to have a healthier body I was happy with. Still then, I received no attention. I did and do wear make up, made an effort with clothes, and go to bars, etc. It's amusing that guys will consistently ignore women's firsthand experiences when they don't conform to whatever ridiculous views they have on gender and the opposite sex. I guess I'm exceptionally ugly.


----------



## gunner21

I want to ask something to the girls here. How many of you have approached a guy in your lives?


----------



## Fruitcake

gunner21 said:


> I want to ask something to the girls here. How many of you have approached a guy in your lives?


I hope you don't expect to get an accurate idea of the percentage from just asking that. But yeah I have.
The other day I told a girl that I would ask out a guy and she acted disgusted and told me it was wrong and gross.


----------



## TryingMara

gunner21 said:


> I want to ask something to the girls here. How many of you have approached a guy in your lives?


I have, more than once, and was rejected.


----------



## gunner21

Fruitcake said:


> I hope you don't expect to get an accurate idea of the percentage from just asking that. But yeah I have.
> The other day I told a girl that I would ask out a guy and she acted disgusted and told me it was wrong and gross.


What?! why? I hope more girls would take the initiative.


----------



## coffeeandflowers

gunner21 said:


> I want to ask something to the girls here. How many of you have approached a guy in your lives?


What do you mean approached? I have made the first move many times. Guys make me impatient most of the time, so I help them out. They have reacted favorably most of the time...which should mean I would take more chances but don't. Something that makes me hesitate now is thinking that guys would rather make the first move, or I should make them think like they did make the first move. It is complicated I guess, all the games.


----------



## Fruitcake

gunner21 said:


> What?! why? I hope more girls would take the initiative.


I think she finds it disconcerting when men and women don't stick to their traditional roles.


----------



## gunner21

Fruitcake said:


> I think she finds it disconcerting when men and women don't stick to their traditional roles.


Were you talking to calichick?


----------



## jonny neurotic

coffeeandflowers said:


> What do you mean approached? I have made the first move many times. Guys make me impatient most of the time, so I help them out. They have reacted favorably most of the time...which should mean I would take more chances but don't. Something that makes me hesitate now is thinking that guys would rather make the first move, or I should make them think like they did make the first move. It is complicated I guess, all the games.


I don't need to feel like I've been the initiator. It's all entirely irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what comes next.

As it happens I got chatted up at a bus stop on Sunday by a very attractive French woman. Unfortunately she turned out to be a crazy b!tch. I was so upset by that. She was so hot. A well, life goes on...


----------



## estse

I'm stalking his house and have kidnapped his dog. Still haven't got my man.


----------



## Paper Samurai

Mercurochrome said:


> I'm stalking his house and have kidnapped his dog. Still haven't got my man.


A dog's too small time, he won't be impressed with that. Think bigger - a parent or sibling shows you mean business :yes !


----------



## Lazercarp1

TryingMara said:


> No small mercies for me. I'm never hit on..not by old guys, sleazebags, no one. I need to lose a few pounds now, but I used to have a healthier body I was happy with. Still then, I received no attention. I did and do wear make up, made an effort with clothes, and go to bars, etc. It's amusing that guys will consistently ignore women's firsthand experiences when they don't conform to whatever ridiculous views they have on gender and the opposite sex. I guess I'm exceptionally ugly.


I think the key word in what I said was 'overall'.


----------



## Lazercarp1

komorikun said:


> I don't think that's worse. You will still be left in the same situation either way......alone.


alone = better than alone with no confirmation that anyone has ever found you remotely attractive.

I'm not talking from personal experience here- I can get in relationships but just can't really maintain them. I just know how awful it would feel to have never done anything with a member of the opposite sex.


----------



## Glass Child

I'm really giving up. I don't think I can handle anything with myself right now, I would make my man miserable.. sigh... I'm so confused


----------



## awkwardsilent

To the guy who asked have you ever made a move? 

Personally... Depends on how you define move, I am NOT attractive so I don't really feel like its RIGHT to take advantage of a guy when he is intoxicated/high which is the only way it would work for me. That being said I still have: 

On Multiple Ocasions: 

Have I found random excuses to ask for an attractive aquaintances phone number and tried to pursue friendship because I found them attractive, yes? /Tried to find excuses to hang out. 

And Once with a long term friend :Apparently "made the first move" turning it into a hookup. (I am still trying to wrap my head around this idea that resting my head on someones shoulder is some epic seduction but that is how the only guy that I've ever slept with remembers it... lol we were drinking but we weren't drunk) 

Have I ever outright asked anyone out? No because it never gets that far, guys always avoid me, and are pretty clear about not being attracted to me in the least.


----------



## MidnightBlu

Bump.


----------



## cybernaut

1.Going for the introverts. I love reserved guys!I scare extroverted and cocky guys away or they get too frustrated about my quietness+personality.
*
Last Alternatives :*
1. Going abroad. Different country,different standards. I'll be living in Mexico next summer,so perhaps I can start there.
2. Online dating (Don't see myself doing this anymore.)
3. Hooking with someone on my social level. (no friends, socially inept,etc .)


----------



## Barette

I'm letting my sparkling personality shine. The trouble is it's so blinding that they all run away.


----------



## ManOfFewWords

I'm handing out flyers that say I'm a cool guy looking for other cool guys who want to hang out in my party mansion.


----------



## Barette

Just remember to add more veins.


----------



## meganmila

Nothing really. I just look at them.


----------



## Barette

So there's a guy I kinda know, kinda don't, who didn't have his phone on him at the time so he told me I ought to take his number. I texted him mine right after. I went in again maybe a week later and we talked, he said we ought to go out for a drink, said for me to text him to hang out sometime, and so I'm thinking he doesn't have my number? Why wouldn't he just text me rather than wait for me to text him? I'm going to text him to see if I got his number down right, but I don't know what to say. This kinda stuff makes me scaaaaared so I don't really know what to say. Like, hey what's up? If he doesn't answer then next time I see him I'll tell him I have his number wrong. Plus as friends I'd be happy to initiate hanging out, but he flirts so it makes me ****ing anxious as **** what it could imply. IDK. Since working with the public I've had guys ask for my number and I've declined, even if I found them really attractive, because it just makes me too nervous and I'm pushing myself in many other areas of my life that I don't need to push myself to date when I don't want to. Cause I just don't want to date, really. But IDK, I like this guy. He's really attractive and seems goofy and I like that combo. I don't really have much to do on my days off, it'd be cool to have someone to hang out wiht. Advice needed.


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> So there's a guy I kinda know, kinda don't, who didn't have his phone on him at the time so he told me I ought to take his number. I texted him mine right after. I went in again maybe a week later and we talked, he said we ought to go out for a drink, said for me to text him to hang out sometime, and so I'm thinking he doesn't have my number? Why wouldn't he just text me rather than wait for me to text him? I'm going to text him to see if I got his number down right, but I don't know what to say. This kinda stuff makes me scaaaaared so I don't really know what to say. Like, hey what's up? If he doesn't answer then next time I see him I'll tell him I have his number wrong. Plus as friends I'd be happy to initiate hanging out, but he flirts so it makes me ****ing anxious as **** what it could imply. IDK. Since working with the public I've had guys ask for my number and I've declined, even if I found them really attractive, because it just makes me too nervous and I'm pushing myself in many other areas of my life that I don't need to push myself to date when I don't want to. Cause I just don't want to date, really. But IDK, I like this guy. He's really attractive and seems goofy and I like that combo. I don't really have much to do on my days off, it'd be cool to have someone to hang out wiht. Advice needed.


Are you looking to date or not? Because you say you don't but it sounds like you do. I get the same way you do sometimes with the whole not wanting to date--I wait for a feeling; an urge. Often times if you take the plunge there is there little thing called "momentum" that takes you away from feeling "blah" to "this is exciting" and vice versa if you don't take action, you become complacent often. Just some thoughts.


----------



## Barette

bwidger85 said:


> Are you looking to date or not? Because you say you don't but it sounds like you do. I get the same way you do sometimes with the whole not wanting to date--I wait for a feeling; an urge. Often times if you take the plunge there is there little thing called "momentum" that takes you away from feeling "blah" to "this is exciting" and vice versa if you don't take action, you become complacent often. Just some thoughts.


I'm not looking for anything. I was really excited when he gave me his number cause he's attractive and I'm bored, it was like, just what I was wanting to happen. But now I might've gotten the # wrong, so I need to text to see if it's right, and if it's not I'm gonna ask for his right number, then text again if he doesn't text... ugh it's so much effort and effort is anxiety-inducing.

Eh **** it, I'll do it. But what do I say? I have never been in this position before. The handful times I've given out my number, I got texted first (well, obviously I guess).


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> I'm not looking for anything. I was really excited when he gave me his number cause he's attractive and I'm bored, it was like, just what I was wanting to happen. But now I might've gotten the # wrong, so I need to text to see if it's right, and if it's not I'm gonna ask for his right number, then text again if he doesn't text... ugh it's so much effort and effort is anxiety-inducing.
> 
> Eh **** it, I'll do it. But what do I say? I have never been in this position before. The handful times I've given out my number, I got texted first (well, obviously I guess).


Sounds like you want something from him or else you wouldn't of been excited about getting his number. But anyway...

What do you WANT from him? Because once you figure that out you can decide what's the purpose of your text lol.

I think what you want is for things to happen "naturally" and see if things will happen. But i'm not sure you want him to take initiative or what?

Ugh, girls. So darn confusing for no reason  jk

Cant really answer your question since it is so vague. Just say hello if you don't care what happens. You have no purpose--so you say--so just say "turd" and it shouldn't matter, right? You should text him two pages of what you did today; must include what you ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is the only logical response.


----------



## Barette

I don't want anything in particular, I don't know him so it's just shallow--he's good-looking so I want to talk further. Uuuggghhhh I'll just say hey what's up. Cliche but w/e, I don't think it's the right number anyway.


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## Beingofglass

I like this thread. Women taking control of their own lives, as they should. If you want something in this World.. You seriously need to learn what to look for, what you want and to go for it. Gender having nothing to do with it. Rise above your damned conformist asses and get a sense of self and respect.
Want to be an adult? Be responsible for all corners of your own life. Take the good with the bad.


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## bsd3355

Barette said:


> *I don't want anything in particular, I don't know him so it's just shallow--he's good-looking so I want to talk further. *Uuuggghhhh I'll just say hey what's up. Cliche but w/e, I don't think it's the right number anyway.


This sounds contradicting, but w/e. Good luck.


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## Barette

I meant I have no plans or hopes.


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## Barette

Is "hey what's up" stupid? And if it's the right number and then we talk, and I say we should hang out, then what does "hang out" generally imply because I don't want him over and I don't want to go over to a stranger's house, but also I don't want to go out and do anything with a stranger. What is normally done here?


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## Jesuszilla

If you can't think of anything "what's up" is a fine ice breaker.

As far as hanging out. Try talking about places you'd like to go, or activities you like to do and then say that the 2 of you should go do it and invite him that way. Or ask him out for coffee. That seems to be a very common approach for people on the interest to suggest.


----------



## bsd3355

Barette said:


> Is "hey what's up" stupid? And if it's the right number and then we talk, and I say we should hang out, then what does "hang out" generally imply because I don't want him over and I don't want to go over to a stranger's house, but also I don't want to go out and do anything with a stranger. What is normally done here?


how do you _not _become strangers with someone you don't know?


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## Barette

Well **** don't you have me there.


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## ManOfFewWords

Meet up for food, coffee, or ice cream or something. Be like hey remember when we were talking about yogurtland?... We should go there. I've been craving it. Also I have social anxiety.


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## Barette

Okay, ManOfFewWords has inspired me now. I have to go to where he works tonight anyway, if I don't talk to him then I'll just text him. Blammo. All this anxiety over nothing.


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## Barette

Eh, it was awkward the first time. I had to go back to get my mom something, so I went back and it was a nothing little interaction, but I was left with something I can lead up to a text. I'm making a big todo (?) about nothing. I'll text tomorrow or day after or w/e, NBD. What a silly hooplah of mine.


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## komorikun

Is it bad to ask someone what color their hair is? If they have pics with 2 different shades.


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## AxeDroid

komorikun said:


> Is it bad to ask someone what color their hair is? If they have pics with 2 different shades.


I don't think it is?


----------



## komorikun

AxeDroid said:


> I don't think it is?


I got a nasty response. The guy wrote, "are you shallow?"


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## AxeDroid

komorikun said:


> I got a nasty response. The guy wrote, "are you shallow?"


That sounds rude? I mean, we live in a worlds where having different color hair is becoming the norm and asking someone about it should not be consider shallow. I think the guy has had bad experience with someone asking him that question before. Try not to dwell on it too much /\_/\


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## Noca

^ I didn't realize asking someone their hair colour was a personal question


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## komorikun

He looked okay with his natural hair color but the pics with blonde hair look awful.


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## komorikun

Anyways, I think he's not the brightest. Twice he wrote, "I'm Jay." at the end of his message. I don't know why some guys want to know your name immediately.


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## Barette

That's weird that he reacted that way, that's on him not you. At least he made his weirdness clear, early.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I don't think it's shallow to ask people about their hair colour. I mean, that's pretty much natural conversation. I wouldn't be annoyed if people asked me about my hair, I dye it all the time, you kind of expect the questions if you have a bunch of pictures with different colours. Honestly, some people.

I'm not sure why I'm in this thread, but I'm bored so you know. opcorn


----------



## Barette

So komorikun, are you looking to date for something serious?


----------



## komorikun

How come in the "what are you doing to get a girl?" thread no one takes pot shots at the posters even though they say much worse things than I do? 

Remind me not to share anything about my nonexistent love life.


----------



## komorikun

Barette said:


> ^No prob brah
> 
> So komorikun, are you looking to date for something serious?


I'm moving soon so right now I'm just looking for a cute guy. That's why I was okay with that guy being not the brightest. I did a search for his username and god...he's on so many dating sites. Christian dating sites, hookup sites, and some sort pervy one that says he is dominant. Rather surprising, he sure doesn't look dominant.

After I move I will be looking for both, something serious and something not so serious. (different criteria)


----------



## Kalliber

:tiptoe umm... nothing yet.. lol


----------



## Barette

komorikun said:


> How come in the "what are you doing to get a girl?" thread no one takes pot shots at the posters even though they say much worse things than I do?
> 
> Remind me not to share anything about my nonexistent love life.


Bitterness. Simplest explanation is often the truest, especially on here. And yeh, that guy sounds kinda... undesirable. That's a good plan, though, to look for someone first before getting to where you're going.


----------



## AllToAll

Since this thread is aimed at the laydeez, I'm going to post here even though I'm trying to get a girl. I don't know how it happened, but I've found myself attracted to a woman. Since I'm too shy/scared to go home with a guy, I thought I'd give it a try with said girl. She's pretty, gay and apparently into me, so I just need to make a move. 

We already kissed once, but only after I declined various times since we were in public or with my other friend (it's odd to make out in front of a friend, no?). Then she facebooked me to say she was sorry about being too persistent and that it wasn't going to happen again. But I do want it to happen again, just under different circumstances. 
Should I be more aggressive? Get semi-drunk and ask to go back to her place? When the attraction is already there, how do you just go for it?


----------



## Barette

AllToAll said:


> Since this thread is aimed at the laydeez, I'm going to post here even though I'm trying to get a girl. I don't know how it happened, but I've found myself attracted to a woman. Since I'm too shy/scared to go home with a guy, I thought I'd give it a try with said girl. She's pretty, gay and apparently into me, so I just need to make a move.
> 
> We already kissed once, but only after I declined various times since we were in public or with my other friend (it's odd to make out in front of a friend, no?). Then she facebooked me to say she was sorry about being too persistent and that it wasn't going to happen again. But I do want it to happen again, just under different circumstances.
> Should I be more aggressive? Get semi-drunk and ask to go back to her place? When the attraction is already there, how do you just go for it?


Create the circumstances in which you'd feel comfortable making a move, or having her make a move (which she may if you flirt and send enough signals). If the previous circumstances weren't good but you wanted to, that seems like the best solution. She sounds pretty aggressive so I don't think you need to be, maybe just show some interest and she might take the rest of the steps.


----------



## AllToAll

Barette said:


> Create the circumstances in which you'd feel comfortable making a move, or having her make a move (which she may if you flirt and send enough signals). If the previous circumstances weren't good but you wanted to, that seems like the best solution. She sounds pretty aggressive so I* don't think you need to be, maybe just show some interest and she might take the rest of the steps*.


That's what I'm thinking, too. It's really up to me. I just have a bad tendency of flaking out at the last minute with "these things."


----------



## Barette

AllToAll said:


> That's what I'm thinking, too. It's really up to me. I just have a bad tendency of flaking out at the last minute with "these things."


Push yourself! I think just keep pushing yourself and make the change! It sounds like the perfect opportunity, take it!


----------



## Imbored21

Waiting for him to ask me out.


----------



## au Lait

komorikun said:


> How come in the "what are you doing to get a girl?" thread no one takes pot shots at the posters even though they say much worse things than I do?
> 
> Remind me not to share anything about my nonexistent love life.


What's sad is that some people use the lack of women opening up about their dating questions/issues as "proof" that women don't ever have issues. It's like, "Look there are more men posting about dating issues than women! Clearly men have it harder!!"

Um no. Women don't post about their issues here because they consistently get **** on whenever they so much as try. Just look at this thread. Women can't even discuss stuff like this without some people come in and being like I AM A MAN MY PROBLEMS TRUMP YOURS BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS OK??

The funniest part is that some of those same people are also over in Society & Culture talking about how stupid and improbable that But Men! comic is. Meanwhile, they're up in this thread essentially enacting the SAS version of But Men.

I mean yeah there are also supportive replies itt. But when you compare it to the male version...no one is being ridiculed or told that their problems don't matter over there. It's all hugging it out and brofists. If there is anyone in that thread trying to deny or minimize anyone's problems then I must have missed it.

Sorry, off topic. Some days I just need to rant my frustrations with this place out. :stu


----------



## Barette

^Au Lait always brings the truth.


----------



## meganmila

au Lait said:


> What's sad is that some people use the lack of women opening up about their dating questions/issues as "proof" that women don't ever have issues. It's like, "Look there are more men posting about dating issues than women! Clearly men have it harder!!"
> 
> Um no. Women don't post about their issues here because they consistently get **** on whenever they so much as try. Just look at this thread. Women can't even discuss stuff like this without some people come in and being like I AM A MAN MY PROBLEMS TRUMP YOURS BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS OK??
> 
> The funniest part is that some of those same people are also over in Society & Culture talking about how stupid and improbable that But Men! comic is. Meanwhile, they're up in this thread essentially enacting the SAS version of But Men.
> 
> I mean yeah there are also supportive replies itt. But when you compare it to the male version...no one is being ridiculed or told that their problems don't matter over there. It's all hugging it out and brofists. If there is anyone in that thread trying to deny or minimize anyone's problems then I must have missed it.
> 
> Sorry, off topic. Some days I just need to rant my frustrations with this place out. :stu


Yup, yup. Even in the "cutest guy thread" you get guys in there "trolling" the place or whatever. I don't go in the "cutest girl thread" that much, but I don't normally see that in there.

We also just had what you are saying in this thread. The posts got deleted but yeah, that was an example.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian

au Lait said:


> It's all hugging it out and brofists. If there is anyone in that thread trying to deny or minimize anyone's problems then I must have missed it.


Oh I've tried and I've gotten a bit of flack for it lol 
But then again me confronting people has been genderless


----------



## komorikun

I can't deal with these guys who have empty profiles. How can I know if I want to meet up from just a couple pics? Then even after I comment on the empty profile, they don't fill it out and they just say, "well, what do you want to know? ask away." I know they couldn't handle my interrogation.


----------



## Jesuszilla

au Lait said:


> What's sad is that some people use the lack of women opening up about their dating questions/issues as "proof" that women don't ever have issues. It's like, "Look there are more men posting about dating issues than women! Clearly men have it harder!!"
> 
> Um no. Women don't post about their issues here because they consistently get **** on whenever they so much as try. Just look at this thread. Women can't even discuss stuff like this without some people come in and being like I AM A MAN MY PROBLEMS TRUMP YOURS BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS OK??
> 
> The funniest part is that some of those same people are also over in Society & Culture talking about how stupid and improbable that But Men! comic is. Meanwhile, they're up in this thread essentially enacting the SAS version of But Men.
> 
> I mean yeah there are also supportive replies itt. But when you compare it to the male version...no one is being ridiculed or told that their problems don't matter over there. It's all hugging it out and brofists. If there is anyone in that thread trying to deny or minimize anyone's problems then I must have missed it.
> 
> Sorry, off topic. Some days I just need to rant my frustrations with this place out. :stu


:sigh As much as I try to play the neutral party in these situations, I have to agree unfortunately.

I have tried to post that women have troubles dating or that they don't get asked out all the time even very attractive women but it turns into men vs. women so I just give up by then.

Since I don't read this thread too often I thought people were just having fun with the women here but its safe to assume that it happened a lot in this thread which at this point doesn't shock me.


----------



## gunner21

I'm sorry for adding more fuel to the fire. You see men being the more "whiny and *****y" one because men are still largely supposed to do the approaching. Seeing that this is a SA website, it's not hard to imagine them having a lot of problems (possibly one of the hardest things to do)with doing the "approaching". This is why you see a lot more men doing the "*****ing and moaning" on a SAD website. 

I'll hide under this chair now to protect myself from the flame-war.


----------



## rdrr

au Lait said:


> What's sad is that some people use the lack of women opening up about their dating questions/issues as "proof" that women don't ever have issues. It's like, "Look there are more men posting about dating issues than women! Clearly men have it harder!!"
> 
> Um no. Women don't post about their issues here because they consistently get **** on whenever they so much as try. Just look at this thread. Women can't even discuss stuff like this without some people come in and being like I AM A MAN MY PROBLEMS TRUMP YOURS BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS OK??
> 
> The funniest part is that some of those same people are also over in Society & Culture talking about how stupid and improbable that But Men! comic is. Meanwhile, they're up in this thread essentially enacting the SAS version of But Men.
> 
> I mean yeah there are also supportive replies itt. But when you compare it to the male version...no one is being ridiculed or told that their problems don't matter over there. It's all hugging it out and brofists. If there is anyone in that thread trying to deny or minimize anyone's problems then I must have missed it.
> 
> Sorry, off topic. Some days I just need to rant my frustrations with this place out. :stu


I agree with this post. And its always that everyone feels their pain hurts the most. That rhymed.

There is a good amount of male frustration about the topic of relationships/sex/dating that always derails or devalue women's frustration about the subject, around SAS, in threads. We all got our own unique issues we gotta deal with, yanno. It's kinda unfair, considering this is a support site, and as the holy commandments of SAS says, "This site is not a competition".

How can this possibly be a relatively safe place to vent or seek help on the internet if we all are attacking each other? You never know what the other person is dealing with, behind that screen.

Even more so, in general, you just can never know what someone is going through in person, when you are looking on the outside in.


----------



## Sindelle

gunner21 said:


> I'm sorry for adding more fuel to the fire. You see men being the more "whiny and *****y" one because men are still largely supposed to do the approaching. Seeing that this is a SA website, it's not hard to imagine them having a lot of problems (possibly one of the hardest things to do)with doing the "approaching". This is why you see a lot more men doing the "*****ing and moaning" on a SAD website.
> 
> I'll hide under this chair now to protect myself from the flame-war.


Just because men traditionally do the approaching doesn't mean women haven't been turned down or rejected. I've had it happen plenty of times. WOmen do have issues a lot in this area.

Just because we are women doesn't mean it hurts less than being rejected as a guy.


----------



## gunner21

Sindelle said:


> Just because men traditionally do the approaching doesn't mean women haven't been turned down or rejected. I've had it happen plenty of times. WOmen do have issues a lot in this area.
> 
> Just because we are women doesn't mean it hurts less than being rejected as a guy.


You're putting words in my mouth now. I never denied any of that. Just trying to offer a possible explanation for why men are more "*****y and whiny".


----------



## Sindelle

gunner21 said:


> You're putting words in my mouth now. I never denied any of that. Just trying to offer a possible explanation for why men are more "*****y and whiny".


Well I guess if they can whine then so can I? What gives them more right to whine than me? If me and a man end up witht he same results in dating (that is being rejected) then why can't we express the same amount of frustration without one side getting bashed and attacked all the time?


----------



## blue2

what is this "dating" people speak off..?...sorry, I won't comment here again..:um..but the world is obsessed with dating,damned if I know why,chill out and have fun instead...or not, whatever floats your boat...


----------



## Barette

The fact that this is turning into a men vs women thread when the guys' thread has gone hundreds of pages without a single negative occurrence is proof that Au Lait is a so extraordinarily correct.



gunner21 said:


> I'm sorry for adding more fuel to the fire. You see men being the more "whiny and *****y" one because men are still largely supposed to do the approaching. Seeing that this is a SA website, it's not hard to imagine them having a lot of problems (possibly one of the hardest things to do)with doing the "approaching". This is why you see a lot more men doing the "*****ing and moaning" on a SAD website.
> 
> I'll hide under this chair now to protect myself from the flame-war.


But when women never get approached and are fearful to be approached/do the approaching, then we also are left in the same position. It may not be considered the norm for us to do the approaching, but if anything, that makes our issues more daunting, since we are neither approached nor expected to approach. Our solution feels less viable, in that case ("Well, women aren't supposed to approach, so that guy's going to think I'm weird or just after a hookup!"). Especially since when we do get approached, it's typically negative (One guy that I _did_ text first (which was incredibly nerve-wracking) was apparently just looking for a hookup side-piece---not what I would like). When you're conditioned to sit and look pretty and wait for the right person, you end up waiting forever. And when you're not that cute, and when you're terrified of people, it's pretty much guaranteed you're either settling for whoever finally shows you attention, or you are inconceivably lucky by having that one guy be pretty good. The only way to avoid that happening is to learn how to overcome anxiety and learn how to do the approaching and learn how to talk to guy and go after them---except, _wait_, this is what the threads turn into when they try and attempt to help us in that regard.

I can empathize with the difficulty the men have on here, romantically.It's hilarious that barely any of the men are able to do the same.



Unluckyiguess said:


> I wish women would vent a lot more on this site. Any women truly having a problem finding what they want relationship/sex wise I feel for you. I try hard to be neutral myself with issues involving everybody's problems but men are expected to do the asking out and a number of things without question. MOST threads involving a guy talking about his lack of relationship/ sex with women and people usually assume something is wrong with him. I'm not hating just disagreeing with some of your post and most of au Lait's post.


See the above. Especially since no women on here have ever "assumed something was wrong" unless the woman was purposefully being abrasive. And the men here, given the way these threads always go, never seem to assume such a thing either. That is in your own mind, it's the end result you think is going to happen so you have altered the past and reality to fit your own perception.


----------



## meganmila

See, honestly, I don't really make threads in here asking for help cause I'll probably get backlash and I seen other friends on here that have gotten it asking for help. I only really ask in groups and blogs. And the men here don't realize that women do also have anxiety approaching men, I know I sure do. I do remember a convo about that and some guy asked why women don't approach more, well the women here get nervous and afraid of rejection. It's not that hard to understand. 

And yes, can we actually turn this into a "what are you doing to get a guy" thread instead of a " men have it worse then women in dating" thread. I wish women here would get support here and ask for help in this thread.


----------



## Barette

meganmila said:


> See, honestly, I don't really make threads in here asking for help cause I'll probably get backlash and I seen other friends on here that have gotten it asking for help. I only really ask in groups and blogs. And the men here don't realize that women do also have anxiety approaching men, I know I sure do. I do remember a convo about that and some guy asked why women don't approach more, well the women here get nervous and afraid of rejection. It's not that hard to understand.
> 
> And yes, can we actually turn this into a "what are you doing to get a guy" thread instead of a " men have it worse then women in dating" thread. I wish women here would get support here and ask for help in this thread.


Let's just ignore the men who come in here and try and bitter it up with their bitterness. Or even just mildly ignorant it up with their ignorance.

So I wanna know what it is women do when they flirt. I'm not going to be flirting with guys, but I need to in a scene for my acting class, and I want to know what are typical girly ways to flirt. This isn't that related to the thread nor imperative to my life, but I'd like to bring this back on track and it's relevant enough. So how do you flirt and show interest?


----------



## meganmila

Barette said:


> Let's just ignore the men who come in here and try and bitter it up with their bitterness. Or even just mildly ignorant it up with their ignorance.
> 
> So I wanna know what it is women do when they flirt. I'm not going to be flirting with guys, but I need to in a scene for my acting class, and I want to know what are typical girly ways to flirt. This isn't that related to the thread nor imperative to my life, but I'd like to bring this back on track and it's relevant enough. So how do you flirt and show interest?


It's just annoying when guys come in here and say their bitter comments. It just ruins everything.

I don't know how to flirt. Even if I do, it may not even be flirting. And I get really nervous too doing it. Maybe like keep looking at them, smile at them, get closer hah. I dunno.

Seeee, we have our issues too


----------



## komorikun

I don't really flirt other than give them horny eyes. 

I saw this one really forward girl flirt a few months ago. She saw a speck of lint on the front of this guy's shirt and removed it and then turned her gaze up and smiled. She has no shame. Everyone was staring it was so obvious. The guy was super hot though. Beautiful muscles, dark hair, and a thick southern accent. I saw the muscles cause there was a pool party previous to this, so I saw him in his trunks. Too bad he wasn't wearing speedos.


----------



## Barette

meganmila said:


> It's just annoying when guys come in here and say their bitter comments. It just ruins everything.
> 
> I don't know how to flirt. Even if I do, it may not even be flirting. And I get really nervous too doing it. Maybe like keep looking at them, smile at them, get closer hah. I dunno.
> 
> Seeee, we have our issues too


We doooo! I have no idea how I would go about flirting. I'll definitely smile and lean in, I think those are good.



komorikun said:


> I don't really flirt other than give them horny eyes.
> 
> I saw this one really forward girl flirt a few months ago. She saw a speck of lint on the front of this guy's shirt and removed it and then turned her gaze up and smiled. She has no shame. Everyone was staring it was so obvious. The guy was super hot though. Beautiful muscles, dark hair, and a thick southern accent.


Oh that was a good way for her to flirt, I like that. I won't do it, but I like it. I'll practice horny eyes. Maybe I'll tone it down to lusty, though. I'll look at photos of Lauren Bacall for inspiration.


----------



## meganmila

Lick your lips, look up and down hehee


----------



## Barette

^Ahhh! I can't do that! That'd be too scary! I'll be in front of a bunch of people! I need to play with my hair, the instructor specified that. So that's good, I think. Sex eyes, play with my hair, smile, and lean in. I think that's good. I might watch Lana Del Rey videos, too.

But I kinda like this discussion now, it's a good way to keep it going. We need to address our difficulties through this adversity! So how does one feel confident in flirting? Like feeling like you're sexual enough to do it, and that the guy will appreciate it? I'd feel too scared that he'd think I'm ugly. 

Side note: The guy who plays Sweets on Bones is so ****ing cute, I can't even bear it.


----------



## komorikun

I think women often do little touches. They touch the guy's shoulders, arm, or hair. Might make a comment on the guy's hair. All the while making a weird sort of horny grin.


----------



## Grog

View attachment 29217


Girls here is a good idea when you find that guy 
Ingenious :clap


----------



## meganmila

I honestly don't know how to answer that flirt question. Maybe when you figure out he likes you too.


----------



## Barette

komorikun said:


> I think women often do little touches. They touch the guy's shoulders, arm, or hair. Might make a comment on the guy's hair. All the while making a weird sort of horny grin.


Ahahahaha Horny grin is the best word combo I ever heard, I love it.



meganmila said:


> I honestly don't know how to answer that flirt question. Maybe when you figure out he likes you too.


Eh, I would feel too ugly. Lucky I have the acting scene as practice in case the chance to flirt IRL ever arises. Like, you know, when I'm 40.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Sindelle said:


> Well I guess if they can whine then so can I? What gives them more right to whine than me? If me and a man end up witht he same results in dating (that is being rejected) then why can't we express the same amount of frustration without one side getting bashed and attacked all the time?


group1: "I am upset that there are no companies approaching me and offering me a job!"

vs.

group2: "i am upset that i cant find work even though ive been putting myself out there, and applying to all these companies"

so in dating, think of the majority of women having the equivalent dating gripe as group 1, and the majority of men having the equivalent dating gripe as group two... it shouldnt be hard to see why group 2 would be irritated by group 1's gripe

now although u may approach guys the vast majority of women dont, that being said this doesnt apply to you, and i actually have alot of respect for the women like you who risk rejection...

its the people who dont do anything to find a significant other and then complain that one isnt falling into thier laps that irritate me regardless of gender (think how people like afff irritate alot of the users here)... and due to gender roles it just so happens to be that an individual thats part of group 1 is more often female than male

i mean u can say that the guys are all comforted when they cant find a girl, but thats probably because they are at least being active about it...hence, rymo, bwidger85, zeeshan, brandezzy, silentluke, jesuszilla, pete24, sourdog, rossy, even vangouh as distasteful as many of his post are ...

but i really challenge anyone to think of any of the women on this site, aside from komorikun (whom i also have alot of respect for) and yourself, off the top of thier head who have really taken as active a role in searching for a relationship... anyways... just my opinion on your post... ill be leaving now as to not completely ruin the thread


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> Let's just ignore the men who come in here and try and bitter it up with their bitterness. Or even just mildly ignorant it up with their ignorance.
> 
> So I wanna know what it is women do when they flirt. I'm not going to be flirting with guys, but I need to in a scene for my acting class, and I want to know what are typical girly ways to flirt. This isn't that related to the thread nor imperative to my life, but I'd like to bring this back on track and it's relevant enough. So how do you flirt and show interest?


I'm not sure how I'm being bitter. I was just showing you guys the other perspective. Don't know how that's bitter. If anything, I take all the blame upon myself for not attracting anyone.

As for sitting pretty and not doing anything. Who is stopping you from going out there and meeting guys. I understand that SAD plays a huge part in stopping you from doing so, but it's the same for guys with SAD. If you meet guys who are turned off by girls approaching, then forget them and move on. (like guys would do if they come across someone not interested)

Again, I'm not saying one gender has it worse than the other. All I'm saying is approaching is ****ing hard when you're insecure and have SAD.


----------



## meganmila

I was referring to that other guy making those snarky remarks, the posts got deleted but still.

How about we BOTH have issues. Kapeesh?


----------



## Barette

illmatic1 said:


> group1: "I am upset that there are no companies approaching me and offering me a job!"
> 
> vs.
> 
> group2: "i am upset that i cant find work even though ive been putting myself out there, and applying to all these companies"
> 
> so in dating, think of the majority of women having the equivalent dating gripe as group 1, and the majority of men having the equivalent dating gripe as group two... it shouldnt be hard to see why group 2 would be irritated by group 1's gripe
> 
> now although u may approach guys the vast majority of women dont, that being said this doesnt apply to you, and i actually have alot of respect for the women like you who risk rejection...
> 
> its the people who dont do anything to find a significant other and then complain that one isnt falling into thier laps that irritate me regardless of gender (think how people like afff irritate alot of the users here)... and due to gender roles it just so happens to be that an individual thats part of group 1 is more often female than male
> 
> i mean u can say that the guys are all comforted when they cant find a girl, but thats probably because they are at least being active about it...hence, rymo, bwidger85, zeeshan, brandezzy, silentluke, jesuszilla, pete24, sourdog, rossy, even vangouh as distasteful as many of his post are ...
> 
> but i really challenge anyone to think of any of the women on this site, aside from komorikun (whom i also have alot of respect for) and yourself, off the top of thier head who have really taken as active a role in searching for a relationship... anyways... just my opinion on your post... ill be leaving now as to not completely ruin the thread


You said you're leaving but I'm responding anyway because this response makes no sense to me. Who says we went them to fall in our laps? How do you know that we don't try? You _don't_ know. I don't try often, because I'm incredibly insecure and it's difficult to try and find someone, but when I do it doesn't tend to be positive. But I don't gripe about it, most women on here don't. You're saying that we do despite the "griping" evidence leaning heavily towards the male posters on this forum (aff being a leading one, but there are many many more that I won't name--so many, that it's funny to me that the griping is being laid upon the women. Unless you mean RL, in which case it's all irrelevant since we're speaking purely about SAS). So yeah, let's let the women try and get a guy. Let's make a thread for it actually, to gather advice, since the male version has been so supportive. I mean, it never has women coming in there and telling them how easy it is that society pats them on the back for embracing their sexuality and encourages a "boys will be boys" mentality for dating around and that they're lucky that it's expected of them to choose what they want rather than wait around and hope that someone they like maybe hopefully please god oh please chooses them since women are taught to be sexually passive. Let's have a female version, we haven't destructed the male one, and given we're the gripers, ours should go unperturbed! OH WAIT.



gunner21 said:


> I'm not sure how I'm being bitter. I was just showing you guys the other perspective. Don't know how that's bitter. If anything, I take all the blame upon myself for not attracting anyone.
> 
> As for sitting pretty and not doing anything. Who is stopping you from going out there and meeting guys. I understand that SAD plays a huge part in stopping you from doing so, but it's the same for guys with SAD.
> 
> Again, I'm not saying one gender has it worse than the other. All I'm saying is approaching is ****ing hard when you're insecure and have SAD.


I wasn't referring to you when I said bitter. You inferred something that I never implied.

And nobody is stopping me. I would like to try and meet people---that's where the fear is. And look at illimatic's post right above you, already feeding into the idea that we have it better (which he didn't explicitly say, but certainly implied) because they "fall into our laps" when he has to be proactive. It's hard to talk about it on here without some guys twisting that information in their mind to enforce their own victim-complex. Gunner, I didn't mean you at all, I meant guys who make posts that trivialize our issues (thanks, illimatic, for making a perfect example at the perfect time).


----------



## h00dz

I don't mean to interrupt the gender war but..

I see sexy/horney eyes mentioned multiple times here - I'm dumb as bat **** when it comes to flirting sometimes. Can someone give me a non trolling idea of what that actually is, for future reference of course.


----------



## meganmila

I don't want this to become "gender war" I don't want it to be deleted.


----------



## gunner21

Grog said:


> View attachment 29217
> 
> 
> Girls here is a good idea when you find that guy
> Ingenious :clap


I don't get it.


----------



## Barette

h00dz said:


> I don't mean to interrupt the gender war but..
> 
> I see sexy/horney eyes mentioned multiple times here - I'm dumb as bat **** when it comes to flirting sometimes. Can someone give me a non trolling idea of what that actually is, for future reference of course.


I don't want this to be a gender war either, but I can't just ignore some comments.


----------



## Barette

gunner21 said:


> I don't get it.


It's an electric toothbrush, so he was making a vibrator joke.


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> I don't want this to be a gender war either, but I can't just ignore some comments.


That looks more like the 'You killed my mom, so I'm going to kill you now' stares I get from the wimminz.


----------



## Barette

It does teeter rather closely to "death glare", but Lauren Bacall for sure had the best seductive look.


----------



## meganmila

Maybe we should just troll the male version of this thread. Heheeee..

Or Interrupt their bro time.

Or, I'm kidding, I guess.


----------



## Barette

I was going to post something earlier but it feels so weird, posting in there. I don't like to, even if I think I have valuable advice.


----------



## meganmila

I never really look in it.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

well befreo i reply my post was about the world population as a whole... including most of the women of sas... not solely you



Barette said:


> You said you're leaving but I'm responding anyway because this response makes no sense to me. Who says we went them to fall in our laps?


to want and to expect are two different things... i dont ever remember saying want, and if i did i apologize cause i meant expect... hell, i want a girl to fall into my lap out of the blue... but im hardly expecting her to, hence why i approach FREQUENTLY, rather than infrequently or never



> How do you know that we don't try? You _don't_ know.


well i dont know about you specifically, i know how many women have approached me in comparison to how many women i have approached... and its not even close... and i frequently hear the same thing from other guys, so based on that knowledge its a pretty safe bet to make that women approach very very very little in comparison to men



> * I don't try often*, because I'm incredibly insecure and it's difficult to try and find someone, but when I do it doesn't tend to be positive.


 my advice would be to continue to work on your insecurities so that you can approach more frequently so that you can talk to/ meet more men thus bettering your chances at meet a good guy that you click with... and i dont mean this snarkly or sarcastically. im being sincere, please dont take it any other way. The reason i say that is because i believe you understood my post in a completely different way than what i wanted my message to convey, i hope this post will get us on the same page.... 


> But I don't gripe about it, most women on here don't.


i wasnt saying most here did... i was saying when they did, in comparision to how they were recieved... the most was in reference to the ratio of

"well recieved gripes by women about relationships"
"total of gripes by women about relationships"

im not just underlining the first sentence...thats supposed to be a fraction to represent the ratio im trying to get across visually...



> You're saying that we do despite the "griping" evidence leaning heavily towards the male posters on this forum (aff being a leading one, but there are many many more that I won't name--so many, that it's funny to me that the griping is being laid upon the women.


the men here do gripe more...obvoiusly because *sa*+*being expected to approach* doesnt mix to well for either gender... 
yet again i was talking about why it isnt recieved well by men when women complain about trouble gettting into a relationship... not how much they gripe in total



> Unless you mean RL, in which case it's all irrelevant since we're speaking purely about SAS).


 i wasnt talking about just sas



> So yeah, let's let the women try and get a guy. Let's make a thread for it actually, to gather advice, since the male version has been so supportive. I mean, it never has women coming in there and telling them how easy it is that society pats them on the back for embracing their sexuality and encourages a "boys will be boys" mentality for dating around and that they're lucky that it's expected of them to choose what they want rather than wait around and hope that someone they like maybe hopefully please god oh please chooses them since women are taught to be sexually passive.


in case u havent realized this yet... im completely in support of women approaching who they find attractive, and being more free with thier sexual prowess... infact that was the whole point of my post... to get the women to take an active role in approaching men so that we wouldn't have to do it 99% of the time... so im not really sure why your acting like im saying women should wear freaking chastity when its pretty clear im saying the opposite...

and i am giving u advice... it is to approach more... im sorry that you seem to get offended by that message for whatever reason



> Let's have a female version, we haven't destructed the male one, and given we're the gripers, ours should go unperturbed! OH WAIT.
> 
> I wasn't referring to you when I said bitter. You inferred something that I never implied.
> 
> And nobody is stopping me. I would like to try and meet people---that's where the fear is. And look at illimatic's post right above you, already feeding into the idea that we have it better because they "fall into our laps" when he has to be proactive.


Yet agian, i never said that guys fall into all women's laps... what i am saying is that if u dont approach guys frequently enough, the result of your passiveness will be forever alone (just like a guy who doesnt approach)... unless a guy does fall into your lap which is highly unlikely... and i am not saying you have it better either, what i am saying is that women who dont approach guys are making it *WORSE* on themselves because they are lessening their opportunities to connect with men...



> It's hard to talk about it on here without some guys twisting that information in their mind to enforce their own victim-complex. Gunner, I didn't mean you at all, I meant guys who make posts that trivialize our issues (thanks, illimatic, for making a perfect example at the perfect time).


i feel as if your twisting my words around...

and im hardly saying im a victim... im not cause i have the power to approach...

*what i am saying is that women also have the power to approach*, even though* many of them are wasting it by not utilizing that power*. For what reasons? 1.) in the expectation that the guy should approach them, or 2.) because they are not able to face their fear of rejection...3.) for reasons that would prevent them being able to maintain relationships in general. and 3s are not what my post was addressing

if they expect the guy to approach them (#1), well i simply ask that you dont complain when guys dont, because it is an area in your life that u have the power to take charge of even if you are wasting it...

if its the second, its understandable as i have been there myself and know what it feels like... but you must remember that the difference between a showing cowardice and bravery is not the lack of/presence of fear... but the willingness to face those fears... even if in baby steps...


----------



## Jesuszilla

I think girls put in a lot of effort into getting dates, they mostly do it differently. Thinking about how my sister, cousin and friend have done things and they try to be more subtle but they do put themselves out there.

I can think of times where my friend "bumped" into a guy just so he can say hi. Girls tend to giggle and touch guys. Little stuff like that so guys can open up and ask them out. Now that I'm not completely ignorant to flirting I'm starting to notice it when I see it in public. From the outside looking in, its pretty obvious but when its happening I'm clueless for some reason.


----------



## Mr Bacon

It's ok guys, it's ok. Many of us are bound to be frustrated when we see a greener grass on the other side of the fence - at least in appearance. In the meanwhile, let's rejoice ourselves at the thought of being capable to take a leak standing up - if it offers any confort.










Let's just pack up our luggages and leave this women-directed thread, I believe it's the best for this forum's equilibrium. We'll have tons of opportunities to intervene in a gender war on another thread. Afff's successors have been busy lately when it comes to pursuing the former's legacy.


----------



## h00dz

Mr Bacon said:


> It's ok guys, it's ok. Many of us are bound to be frustrated when we see a greener grass on the other side of the fence - at least in appearance. In the meanwhile, let's rejoice ourselves at the thought of being capable to take a leak standing up - if it offers any confort.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Let's just pack up our luggages and leave this women-directed thread, I believe it's the best for this forum's equilibrium. We'll have tons of opportunities to intervene in a gender war on another thread. Afff's successors have been busy lately when it comes to pursuing the former's legacy.


I think its appropriate to address this post with a lady themed bro fist.










*wonders off into the wilderness*


----------



## meganmila

^ Are ya'll done?

I think I should troll the male version.:troll


----------



## rymo

meganmila said:


> ^ Are ya'll done?
> 
> I think I should troll the male version.:troll


----------



## SilentLyric

rymo said:


>


hey rymo, hope you aren't still upset that I made this thread. I probably should have asked first. it was your original idea, right?


----------



## rymo

SilentLuke said:


> hey rymo, hope you aren't still upset that I made this thread. I probably should have asked first. it was your original idea, right?


Of course I'm upset. This is a travesty. Girls don't need help when it comes to dating!

K I'm leaving.


----------



## komorikun

komorikun said:


> I got a nasty response. The guy wrote, "are you shallow?"


After that I did not respond but the next day he wrote me another message. "Guess so."

This is why I need to grill potential dates. There are so many nut jobs out there.


----------



## mb47

pastels said:


> Im just gunna kidnap some cute guy throw him in the back of a truck bring him home and make him fall inlove with me and we will live happily ever after


Awesome! If you ever need a getaway driver, you know who to call!


----------



## SilentLyric

rymo said:


> Of course I'm upset. This is a travesty. Girls don't need help when it comes to dating!
> 
> K I'm leaving.


lol :clap


----------



## TheDarkGuardian

From an extroverted male point of view - girls if a guy likes you and tries his best to reassure you that he likes you for who you are and wants you to be happy, unless you aren't interested in him at all and haven't led him on please don't run away from him.


----------



## housebunny

mb47 said:


> Awesome! If you ever need a getaway driver, you know who to call!


I like this idea! Let's get some 151, a truck and some nets. Who's with me? TONIGHT!


----------



## gunner21

housebunny said:


> I like this idea! Let's get some 151, a truck and some nets. Who's with me? TONIGHT!


I'll be around the park near house tonight. Just sayin.


----------



## bsd3355

Idk, I'd post here more but it is kind-of-sort-of not what I've been doing lately (tryna get a guy), so yeah.. that's the only reason I don't spam this thread like the other one. That and, it _appears_ more of the guys are asking/wanting on this forum in the range of "how do I meet/get a girlfriend", which I'm personally interested in because I'm going through the same... seems a lot of girls here post things more about "how do I get rid of guy"...."how do I avoid so and so"..."my boyfriend and I are having problems", which is cool too. There seemed to be a couple girls I remember from this thread who stayed active in "getting a guy", then the thread just died off. But I don't really care, these thread aren't holy or anything and I don't think most people _really_ give a **** about what thread is active and what is not. I'd be posting about meeting girls regardless if the thread was made or not, and I was on my blog and throughout the relationship for long before rymo made his thread. At least in the thread I can have my thoughts put somewhere that more like-minded people go to instead of having it spammed on the blogs, which I KNOW some people didn't want to read due to comments I go from people ("stop objectifying womenz!", etc., etc., which I didn't think I was anymore so than any other person looking for someone). I also felt like people who read what I said a lot had stigma attached to what I was saying and few "outspoken" people here sometimes gave me a hard time about it. But yada yada yada.... as far as the gender-bashing goes, that's lame imo....

+1 for the lack of paragraph spacing!


----------



## blue2

blue2 said:


> what is this "dating" people speak off..?...sorry, I won't comment here again..:um..but the world is obsessed with dating,damned if I know why,chill out and have fun instead...or not, whatever floats your boat...


 sorry I was pretty drunk when I wrote this didn't realise it was a female thread, when it comes too getting girls I think I need to just wake up,i went to a country dance thing last night, I was pretty drunk again, but I did notice I counted 8 pretty good looking girls hovering around me, I looked at a couple off em and they like smiled, and I was thinkin well what are you smiling about, then I went and got another beer, mayby I should learn how too dance or something...


----------



## meganmila

I want to go on a prowl somewhere else, but I don't think I'm that great looking so probably won't get any guy I see or that I find cool looking. I'm like a little girl wanting them to look at me then I think "Maybe! Maybe" then no. I won't ever have the balls.


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I want to go on a prowl somewhere else, but I don't think I'm that great looking so probably won't get any guy I see or that I find cool looking. I'm like a little girl wanting them to look at me then I think "Maybe! Maybe" then no. I won't ever have the balls.


where do you want to go prowling?


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> where do you want to go prowling?


Somewhere other then here. Somewhere that's 40 minutes away.


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> Somewhere other then here. Somewhere that's 40 minutes away.


Something wrong with your town?


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> Something wrong with your town?


Doesn't seem to be a lot of good looking guys. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough who knows. Seems to be near the big colleges where I want to prowl


----------



## Valtron

I met a nice guy in my chemistry lab. He belongs to the evening class, but recently switched to the afternoon labs. The past two labs, we helped each other out. We were even the last ones to finish on Monday after everyone else had gone home. I went to the evening class on Wednesday to take my exam, and he sat next to me. 

I'm now a little more motivated to go to these labs. I'm feeling ....slightly more optimistic.

Edit: I also looked him up on Facebook and noticed he's single. I don't want to friend him though, because we haven't even introduced ourselves yet! (I only heard my professor say his full name)


----------



## Valtron

So I walked into lab yesterday and didn't see him there. I was bummed out, especially because some other person came and stood by me, taking the station next to me. I went to go get my supplies in the other room and when I came back, I saw him there, standing next to my station. He had apparently asked the professor to work with me, since he didn't have a lab partner.....


----------



## meganmila

^ That's exciting. 

I want to hug a guy's torso.


----------



## CityLights89

There is a guy friend at work I kinda like, but IDK if he likes me back. He is really _really _nice to me, buys me stuff, and we get along great. It's just that he talks about how other girls are hot and pretty, which makes me feel like "Well, guess he doesn't like me like that!" And just the other day, he asked another girl out. Apparently, he knew her for years (they go to the same church) and have only known me for less than a yr. Still made me sad. Then she cancelled and he ended up taking me to the place they were supposed to go. I was bored, so I agreed, but it's nagging at me that I was the second choice. The thing is, with me not being totally comfortable with who I am, I don't think I'm giving away any positive signals that I am interested in him. I really have no reason to be upset because to the outside observer, it may appear like I am treating him as just a friend. It's my mechanism to avoid being hurt, and yet I still feel hurt. It backfired.


----------



## Barette

Valtron said:


> So I walked into lab yesterday and didn't see him there. I was bummed out, especially because some other person came and stood by me, taking the station next to me. I went to go get my supplies in the other room and when I came back, I saw him there, standing next to my station. He had apparently asked the professor to work with me, since he didn't have a lab partner.....


Yay!!!



CityLights89 said:


> There is a guy friend at work I kinda like, but IDK if he likes me back. He is really _really _nice to me, buys me stuff, and we get along great. It's just that he talks about how other girls are hot and pretty, which makes me feel like "Well, guess he doesn't like me like that!" And just the other day, he asked another girl out. Apparently, he knew her for years (they go to the same church) and have only known me for less than a yr. Still made me sad. Then she cancelled and he ended up taking me to the place they were supposed to go. I was bored, so I agreed, but it's nagging at me that I was the second choice. The thing is, with me not being totally comfortable with who I am, I don't think I'm giving away any positive signals that I am interested in him. I really have no reason to be upset because to the outside observer, it may appear like I am treating him as just a friend. It's my mechanism to avoid being hurt, and yet I still feel hurt. It backfired.


Flirt with him. If he flirts back, then you can be more aggressive. If he acts disinterested, then you can move on.


----------



## CityLights89

Barette said:


> Yay!!!
> 
> Flirt with him. If he flirts back, then you can be more aggressive. If he acts disinterested, then you can move on.


Here's the problem: I don't know how to flirt. I've been trying to show that I'm interested by being really nice, chatty, asking questions, etc. That's not enough. The touch barrier, well, it's so hard for me to effectively pull that one off. Along with that, he is kind of an awkward penguin, too, so I don't know of he is ever _trying_ to flirt with me or just being strange. Funny that he can ask out another girl, though. :sus

It's all so confusing. He'll text me about the most random things while I'm at work (or either he is). Confides in me. He'll acts like he relies on me for guidance. Jokes with me. Calls me a nickname. We have went out (most likely as friends) plenty of times. You know, just to get quick bites to eat or whatever. He always pays. He bought me and another girl friend of his concert tickets for our B-day. Thinking me may have a thing for her too, as he continued to tell me how much she friend zoned him. >.> He was the first person, after my mom, to tell me "Happy birthday" at midnight. Remembers things about me. But he never compliments me, except to tell me how good I am at my job, how smart I am, etc. Not how pretty I am or anything like that. He'll suggest to me to talk to other guys, but in a light joking manner. Maybe it's a test. IDK. Maybe he just don't like me like that.


----------



## sillyselkie

ive tried online dating, and ive met some cool guys. it has always ended up where i get friend zoned or they dont talk to me again. which is alright, it wasnt meant to be.
i do question if im doing something wrong, but i dont think so.
i go to bars and clubs and concerts and i go alone. ill stand by hot guys and hope they talk to me and sometimes they do, but nothing further comes from it.
i like going to the library too, but i havent seen any cute boys there.


----------



## Valtron

He asked me in class if he could friend me on Facebook ....wow. I did, but now I don't know how to initiate a conversation. :bah


----------



## KeepItQuiet

Visionary said:


> I'm chubby and I don't even have to do anything to get guys talking to me. Though... I do wear a horrid camo hoodie, but I don't really care since my bf doesn't care.


OMG what is your secret? I'm chunky and no guy talks to me :mum


----------



## Senpai

I'm gonna try smiling at this guy that I have a (huge, obsessive, all-consuming) crush on. We are in the same lecture most weekday mornings and I usually end up locking eyes with him but I just look away! It's like an automatic reflex even though I really want him to know I'm attracted to him! Maybe I'll have a bit of a drink in the morning to calm myself down enough.. haha.. *cry*


----------



## whatevzers

Wow. Its nice to know that there are girls who are actively after guys and not the other way around. I knew they existed! I wish I'd bump into one. Either that, or man up. :/


----------



## Valtron

Hamsterific said:


> I'm gonna try smiling at this guy that I have a (huge, obsessive, all-consuming) crush on. We are in the same lecture most weekday mornings and I usually end up locking eyes with him but I just look away! It's like an automatic reflex even though I really want him to know I'm attracted to him! Maybe I'll have a bit of a drink in the morning to calm myself down enough.. haha.. *cry*


Smiles will get you far. Really. You could even try waving at him.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

KeepItQuiet said:


> OMG what is your secret? I'm chunky and no guy talks to me :mum


what, i like alot of chubby girls... they have nice boobs  and i dont know if its me, but it seems they typically have nicer thicker hair...


----------



## Zeeshan

illmatic1 said:


> what, i like alot of chubby girls... they have nice boobs  and i dont know if its me, but it seems they typically have nicer thicker hair...


What's so great about boobs anyways at least nothing I found

They get boring fast.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

Zeeshan said:


> What's so great about boobs anyways at least nothing I found
> 
> They get boring fast.


i dont know, the same thing thats so awsome about butts i guess... we dont know what it is, but we like it


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## KeepItQuiet

illmatic1 said:


> what, i like alot of chubby girls... they have nice boobs  and i dont know if its me, but it seems they typically have nicer thicker hair...


Haven't met any men like you so I applaud you sir! :clap


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## Jesuszilla

KeepItQuiet said:


> Haven't met any men like you so I applaud you sir! :clap


Trust me, he's not the only one who likes chubby girls. I love em too.


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## KeepItQuiet

Jesuszilla said:


> Trust me, he's not the only one who likes chubby girls. I love em too.


What!?! Where are you guys coming from?!? Am I being punk'd :um


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## Alienated

KeepItQuiet said:


> What!?! Where are you guys coming from?!? Am I being punk'd :um


It's been so long for me I'm happy with one breathing on her own... HI !!


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## h00dz

KeepItQuiet said:


> OMG what is your secret? I'm chunky and no guy talks to me :mum


I guess I will buzz in and say I don't mind women with a bit extra either


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## KeepItQuiet

LOL I guess a lot of us are in the same position... hello!


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## gunner21

Thick girls are hot. So are skinny girls. In conclusion, I like all type of women.


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## Fruitcake

Valtron said:


> He asked me in class if he could friend me on Facebook ....wow. I did, but now I don't know how to initiate a conversation. :bah


Have you guys chatted at all about stuff not related to the class?


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## Senpai

Yay! Chubby lovers make me happy. I have a feeling a lot of guys are just afraid to admit that they don't mind chubby girls..

Oh.. and I didn't smile at that guy >_> I can't believe it's so hard for me to do something so simple..


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## bsd3355

Valtron said:


> He asked me in class if he could friend me on Facebook ....wow. I did, but now I don't know how to initiate a conversation. :bah


Talk about anything. If you want to hang out with him some day say, "we should hang out sometime", or say "i'm doing so and so this day and you should come if you want"


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## bsd3355

CityLights89 said:


> Here's the problem: I don't know how to flirt. I've been trying to show that I'm interested by being really nice, chatty, asking questions, etc. That's not enough. The touch barrier, well, it's so hard for me to effectively pull that one off. Along with that, he is kind of an awkward penguin, too, so I don't know of he is ever _trying_ to flirt with me or just being strange. Funny that he can ask out another girl, though. :sus
> 
> It's all so confusing. He'll text me about the most random things while I'm at work (or either he is). Confides in me. He'll acts like he relies on me for guidance. Jokes with me. Calls me a nickname. We have went out (most likely as friends) plenty of times. You know, just to get quick bites to eat or whatever. He always pays. He bought me and another girl friend of his concert tickets for our B-day. Thinking me may have a thing for her too, as he continued to tell me how much she friend zoned him. >.> He was the first person, after my mom, to tell me "Happy birthday" at midnight. Remembers things about me. But he never compliments me, except to tell me how good I am at my job, how smart I am, etc. Not how pretty I am or anything like that. He'll suggest to me to talk to other guys, but in a light joking manner. Maybe it's a test. IDK. Maybe he just don't like me like that.


Flirting is cool and everything, but there comes a time when someone needs to step to the plate and make a move, not just winking/smiling/laughing/talking. If I was in that position you were in I would tell him how I felt and I would ask him out on a date so he knows my intentions.


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## komorikun

Got a message from a cute 26 year old Brazilian guy on a site for travelers. Way cuter than the usual that I get on dating sites. Hmmm.....wonder if I should break my celibacy. Says he will be here mid-December. I told him I can't host him and now he's asking if I want to go for some beers.


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## jsgt

whatevzers said:


> Wow. Its nice to know that there are girls who are actively after guys and not the other way around. I knew they existed! I wish I'd bump into one. Either that, or man up. :/


Yep, it's interesting. Feels like I'm hearing what goes on in the girls bathroom(other than the intestinal orchestra). Keep it up ladies!


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## meganmila

komorikun said:


> Got a message from a cute 26 year old Brazilian guy on a site for travelers. Way cuter than the usual that I get on dating sites. Hmmm.....wonder if I should break my celibacy. Says he will be here mid-December. I told him I can't host him and now he's asking if I want to go for some beers.


Go for it!


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## komorikun

meganmila said:


> Go for it!


I don't know if I'll have sex but at least I want to make out with someone. Brazilians are good for that. They love kissing and don't mind making out in public. American guys can be uptight about that sometimes.


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## Mr Bacon

komorikun said:


> Got a message from a cute 26 year old Brazilian guy on a site for travelers. Way cuter than the usual that I get on dating sites. Hmmm.....wonder if I should break my celibacy. Says he will be here mid-December. I told him I can't host him and now he's asking if I want to go for some beers.


*awwww yeah, you go get him guuurl!*










PS: sorry for the pubes... they came with the photo :lol


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## komorikun

He's a little paler than that. And probably less muscular.


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## meganmila

I kind of wanna see a photo .....


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## komorikun

Oh weird. I googled his name and he was on some pervy Brazilian reality TV show last year. On youtube there is a video of him sitting on top of a woman and another video of him kissing some woman's butt.


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## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I kind of wanna see a photo .....


I'll PM you a couple links.


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## ManOfFewWords

komorikun said:


> Oh weird. I googled his name and he was on some pervy Brazilian reality TV show last year. On youtube there is a video of him sitting on top of a woman and another video of him kissing some woman's butt.


Link plz


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## CheekyBunny

komorikun said:


> Oh weird. I googled his name and he was on some pervy Brazilian reality TV show last year. On youtube there is a video of him sitting on top of a woman and another video of him kissing some woman's butt.


How do you know he's not just using that guys identity? I've know a lot of guys who have been catfished lol. Jokes on them if they don't seek verification.


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## CheekyBunny

Not saying he's not who he claims to be but with online dating, you should always be cautious.


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## komorikun

CheekyBunny said:


> Not saying he's not who he claims to be but with online dating, you should always be cautious.


It's not online dating. It's a site for travelers.


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## CheekyBunny

komorikun said:


> It's not online dating. It's a site for travelers.


So? I'm not gonna meet anyone I met online in real life unless I had proof they're who they claim to be.


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## Beautiful Scenery

nothing lol?


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## komorikun

CheekyBunny said:


> So? I'm not gonna meet anyone I met online in real life unless I had proof they're who they claim to be.


And how would you do that?


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## meganmila

I've never really been catfished. And I met a lot of guys online.


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## Barette

Komorikun if you move, Orlando is ****ing nice. I'm there right now and it's so nice, downtown Orlando. And it's got a lot of cute guys. All I've seen are cute guys. And hot girls, though. That's the downside to a hot poulation. Lack of transportation though.


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## gunner21

komorikun said:


> And how would you do that?


Spoon pics.


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## komorikun

Barette said:


> Komorikun if you move, Orlando is ****ing nice. I'm there right now and it's so nice, downtown Orlando. And it's got a lot of cute guys. All I've seen are cute guys. And hot girls, though. That's the downside to a hot poulation. Lack of transportation though.


what do the guys look like? what ethnicity?

Yeah, I hate places that have hot girls. I'm looking for somewhere that has hot guys but the girls are not very attractive.


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## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I've never really been catfished. And I met a lot of guys online.


Neither have I. 
But I have met guys that didn't look like their photo at all. I swear this one guy used a pic from over a decade ago. And another used a pic from when he was 50 pounds lighter. Very disappointing.


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## Paper Samurai

gunner21 said:


> Spoon pics.


The idea of 'spoon pics' has been around for a couple of years now, for added security mix it up a little - forks, chopsticks, spatulas :teeth


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## CinnamonDelight

I only get approached on the streets by pathetic ghetto typical guys who think they are Snoop Dogg



















These types of guys should grow the **** up instead of whisteling at girls and saying 'aaayyy gaaaaaawl', 'sexy mommah'.

Pathetic figures.


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## Barette

komorikun said:


> what do the guys look like? what ethnicity?
> 
> Yeah, I hate places that have hot girls. I'm looking for somewhere that has hot guys but the girls are not very attractive.


A lot of different ethnicities, but all attractive. I was in downtown, but didn't explore cause I was with my cousin's miserable cow of a wife and her bratty spawn so I had to go to a kiddy place. But there were a lot of white guys, a lot of latino, and some italian. There's a college in the area, a huge one, so a lot of people come from all over then stay. It's got a lot of bars and things going on. My friend is from Orlando and always raves and now I see why. Not a lot of jobs, though.

And I know, right? I was noticing so many goodlooking women and I was like ****, what's the point of these hot men if there's so many hot women? Connecticut has plain women, it's why I like it. I get a lot of attention in CT, but when I come to the South it all disappears, the women are so pretty. I was in school in North Carolina and even my mom noticed that they made the girls prettier there. I don't know what was in the water but I didn't like it.


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## komorikun

Do you think this guys is dumb/annoying or is it me? He is in green.



> How are you?
> 
> I'm doing alright. You?
> 
> Im good just working tonight, what part of name of city are you from?
> 
> I'm not from name of city.
> 
> Lol nice thats why you got name of city on your profile, take care
> 
> I think you are confused. I live in name of city but I'm not from here.
> 
> Thats what i meant when i said what part are you from. Theres [lists different neighborhoods]
> 
> xxx neighborhood
> 
> There ya go...


----------



## Persephone The Dread

komorikun said:


> Do you think this guys is dumb/annoying or is it me? He is in green.


My honest view is that I think maybe you could have written a bit more when you said you weren't from that city, like 'I'm not from this city but I'm living in so and so place now' (if you felt comfortable revealing it in the first place that is) however having said that, that guy's reaction was really off putting and patronising.


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## komorikun

Persephone The Dread said:


> My honest view is that I think maybe you could have written a bit more when you said you weren't from that city, like 'I'm not from this city but I'm living in so and so place now' (if you felt comfortable revealing it in the first place that is) however having said that, that guy's reaction was really off putting and patronising.


Yeah, you are probably right. I think I'll skip this one.


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## au Lait

meganmila said:


> I've never really been catfished.


I had to google "catfished". :lol

That's never happened to me either, but I used to work with a girl who kinda sorta got catfished. She met some guy online and ended up going on a coffee date with him. After the date she found out that the guy she met with was actually the brother of the guy she had been talking to online. Apparently the guy that she had been talking to was watching them from another table the entire date. That's probably one of the weirdest date stories I've ever heard.



komorikun said:


> Do you think this guys is dumb/annoying or is it me? He is in green.


The way he types irritates me. What does he have against apostrophes?


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## Lasair

lying in bed unable to sleep


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## WillYouStopDave

komorikun said:


> Do you think this guys is dumb/annoying or is it me? He is in green.


 He's rude.


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## komorikun

WillYouStopDave said:


> He's rude.


Yeah. The "take care" and "there ya go" parts are odd.


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