# How do your sessions work?



## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

I'm wondering how it's like with others. For example, what's your relationship like, with your therapist? Are you close to him/her? Is it more like a friendship, or like a doctor-patient thing? Do you tell him/her any and everything that goes through your mind?

I've been seeing mine for 2 months now, but it sort of feels like I'm walking in circles. Today I almost started crying, but I resisted. I'm not sure how I should handle therapy. She says I'm doing fine, noting only that I should let myself get closer to her and ask more questions. I barely ask any, being afraid of the answers...


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

"how does your therapy work?"

im afraid it didnt.... All 4 of them... Im hoping with this 5th, something might help!!!!!!!! That dont mean it wont help, im just saying my situation......

But the relationship with your therapist, you should be able to open up and tell her what you want. You can become feeling very close with a therapist. or you may not feel close at all. My previous therapies iv felt close with them, but this one now, awwww words dont describe how non-close i have gotten. Gave her a piece of my mind the other day................ But getting off track, dont be afraid to open up. If this is ur 1st therapy then i can undrstand - when youve bin in it as long as me, then you grow a pair and get the confidence to tell them what you think... 

THIS IS UR THERAPY. TELL HER WHAT YOUVE SAID HERE. U PAY HER/HIM. WALKING IN CIRCLES MAKES U DIZZY. 

GOOOOOOOD LUCK


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I've been with my therapist for a year & a half. We became very close, acted like friends. I was able to tell him absolutely everything & anything. He joked around a lot. Well - just recently things went sour & he said he thought we were getting "too close". & He assumed something that was so freaking wrong, I don't even want to mention it. So - my advice: Tell her everything that you are able to. You're paying her for help. So - don't waste your time going in circles, really try to open up. But the second part of my advice is, don't get "too close". Always remember to keep a professional distance from her emotionally.

What happened with my therapist, was he got overrun with counter-transference. He misinterpreted things & let his imagination run wild. But, I'd rather not elaborate. Now - I'm getting a new doctor/therapist. He is very professional, so it will be very different from my old therapist. It's more of a doctor/patient relationship. I don't think he would ever make the mistake that my other therapist did.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I feel comfortable with my therapist but I don't feel that we are "too close." It feels a bit like talking to a friend in that we both sit on small sofas perpendicular to each other. Her office has a cozy feel. She dresses somewhat casually. We joke around a little now that we're comfortable with each other. She doesn't hold herself above me, but she does refer to herself as Dr. Last Name in her emails and phone calls to me, which is fine by me. I pay for that Psy.D. and I'm hoping she worked hard to earn it 

I've told her things I'm not comfortable telling other people. I know that she won't judge me for it so it's nice to be able to share it with her.

I guess I would tell you NoName that you should consider your therapy session to be YOUR session/time and use it the way you want to.


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

I wasted a lot of time in the past not saying enough to my past therapists, so with the one I see now, I spill as many thoughts as I can. It takes effort not to hesitate and having to un-knot some complicated things I try to explain, but has been doing me the most good in the end for the feedback I receive. 

As to the relationship, I'd say it's doctor-patient, slightly like a friendship but not that close. My therapist is much older than me and also male and anything beyond how we speak together now would be uncomfortable for me. I guess the most important thing is I don't feel overly judged and don't feel I have to lie about certain things.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Ambitious said:


> "how does your therapy work?"
> 
> im afraid it didnt.... All 4 of them... Im hoping with this 5th, something might help!!!!!!!! That dont mean it wont help, im just saying my situation......
> 
> ...


I do tell her what I think and feel, but I easily draw blanks and can't find the words. I'm also having trouble defining the relationship I have with her. It just feels strange. What I meant by walking in circles, is that there doesn't seem to be progress. I always end up discussing the same things, reaching the same conclusions, over and over again. Well, perhaps with a slightly deepened understanding, but still. How long have you been in therapy?


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Monroee said:


> I've been with my therapist for a year & a half. We became very close, acted like friends. I was able to tell him absolutely everything & anything. He joked around a lot. Well - just recently things went sour & he said he thought we were getting "too close". & He assumed something that was so freaking wrong, I don't even want to mention it. So - my advice: Tell her everything that you are able to. You're paying her for help. So - *don't waste your time going in circles, really try to open up*. But the second part of my advice is, don't get "too close". *Always remember to keep a professional distance from her emotionally*.
> 
> What happened with my therapist, was he got overrun with counter-transference. He misinterpreted things & let his imagination run wild. But, I'd rather not elaborate. Now - I'm getting a new doctor/therapist. He is very professional, so it will be very different from my old therapist. It's more of a doctor/patient relationship. I don't think he would ever make the mistake that my other therapist did.


By walking in circles I meant I always end up talking about the same stuff over and over again, seemingly without getting anywhere. My question is, how can you be close to your therapist, act like friends, when you're not; and how can you do it while keeping a professional distance. I really am clueless here because I was never really close to anyone in the first place. Outside of family, that is.

Also, how does it feel to start from scratch with a new therapist, after so long with another?


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> I feel comfortable with my therapist but I don't feel that we are "too close." It feels a bit like talking to a friend in that we both sit on small sofas perpendicular to each other. Her office has a cozy feel. She dresses somewhat casually. We joke around a little now that we're comfortable with each other. She doesn't hold herself above me, but she does refer to herself as Dr. Last Name in her emails and phone calls to me, which is fine by me. I pay for that Psy.D. and I'm hoping she worked hard to earn it
> 
> I've told her things I'm not comfortable telling other people. I know that she won't judge me for it so it's nice to be able to share it with her.
> 
> I guess I would tell you NoName that you should consider your therapy session to be YOUR session/time and use it the way you want to.


This more or less describes my sessions. Except that there's always a little something that makes me slightly uncomfortable, and there is no contact between us other than during them. I don't even have her email or number - is that normal?

As to it being my session, and that I should use it how I want to, I don't get it. Isn't the therapist supposed to guide me through it? Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong, but I always thought it would be more like a teacher/student thing.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Dying note said:


> I wasted a lot of time in the past not saying enough to my past therapists, so with the one I see now, I spill as many thoughts as I can. It takes effort not to hesitate and having to un-knot some complicated things I try to explain, but has been doing me the most good in the end for* the feedback I receive*.
> 
> As to the relationship, I'd say it's doctor-patient, slightly like a friendship but not that close. My therapist is much older than me and also male and anything beyond how we speak together now would be uncomfortable for me. I guess the most important thing is I don't feel overly judged and don't feel I have to lie about certain things.


What sort of feedback? Advice? Convincingly pointing out flaws in your thoughts? And does your therapist just give them to you, or do you ask for it? Mine doesn't give me much feedback, but I also don't remember to ask. I try to be as objective as possible, so I kind of just expect her to point out what I'm doing/thinking wrong, but she rarely does, if ever.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

NoName99 said:


> This more or less describes my sessions. Except that there's always a little something that makes me slightly uncomfortable, and there is no contact between us other than during them. I don't even have her email or number - is that normal?
> 
> As to it being my session, and that I should use it how I want to, I don't get it. Isn't the therapist supposed to guide me through it? Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong, but I always thought it would be more like a teacher/student thing.


My therapist allows me to guide the sessions, but I think she's doing that because she wants me to have the opportunity to discuss the things I need to. I'm a fairly passive person, but I do come in with things I need to discuss. Even though she specializes in CBT, I use it more as talk therapy. I've given her opportunities to bring things up when I've said all I could say in a session.

After our second session, which had been very teacher/student oriented, I ended it by asking "Is this how all our sessions will be?" I didn't mean to be rude, but she got the hint and ever since then I've guided the sessions. But if you'd rather have the therapist guide the session that's completely your decision too. I happen to need more talk therapy than CBT because I've had relationship problems.

As for email, she's always encouraging me to email her if I have questions or to check in with her. I didn't for a long time but lately I've needed to. I appreciate her availability to me. She also asks me to email her my journal entries, which she gives to me as homework. She only calls me when she needs to reschedule or cancel a session and vice versa. But I think I could call her if I was having a particularly bad day. I don't abuse it the privilege as I know she has her own life


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> What sort of feedback? Advice? Convincingly pointing out flaws in your thoughts? And does your therapist just give them to you, or do you ask for it? Mine doesn't give me much feedback, but I also don't remember to ask. I try to be as objective as possible, so I kind of just expect her to point out what I'm doing/thinking wrong, but she rarely does, if ever.


Sometimes it's helpful advice regarding what next action/step to take and other times he points out a completely different side of whatever it is I'm giving an opinion on or trying to explain, which happens often for the way I think about certain things. I also don't remember to ask questions and have never been too sure on what specific questions to bring up but it's something I'm working on now. Zeroing in on what goals I do and should have with therapy overall is something I'm trying to focus on (before I fall into thinking I'm wasting everyone's time, which has led me to stop going in the past before I was ready to).


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

NoName99 said:


> I do tell her what I think and feel, but I easily draw blanks and can't find the words. I'm also having trouble defining the relationship I have with her. It just feels strange. What I meant by walking in circles, is that there doesn't seem to be progress. I always end up discussing the same things, reaching the same conclusions, over and over again. Well, perhaps with a slightly deepened understanding, but still. How long have you been in therapy?


Finding the words can be difficult sometimes. Your therapist should help you to find the words. But you also have to think about where your struggling - is it describing your emotions/feelings or putting descriptions onto events/situations in you life,,, or both? Or is it encorporating your feelings into the descriptions of situations??!!! Lol dont mean to make riddles, but i hope you understand.............

Your relationship doesnt have to have a definition. But sometimes its good to know what level you stand. And sometimes this can be confusing. Heck, i duno wtf to describe the relationship wit my therapist like!!!!!!!!! But when you say its strange, think about whats strange about it.......

I have been in several therapies for the last 5years straight.......pain in the hole now at this stage tbh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but im stuck in the system with nowhere to go...................


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> By walking in circles I meant I always end up talking about the same stuff over and over again, seemingly without getting anywhere. My question is, how can you be close to your therapist, act like friends, when you're not; and how can you do it while keeping a professional distance. I really am clueless here because I was never really close to anyone in the first place. Outside of family, that is.
> 
> Also, how does it feel to start from scratch with a new therapist, after so long with another?


I see now. I know what you mean, about talking about the same stuff over & over again. Sometimes it would get like that with my therapist. When nothing significant was happening in my life, we would just recycle all the old conversations we've had. It really seemed like a waste of money. The only thing I can say - is, when things get like that, its supposed to be the therapist's job to dig deeper & find what needs to be talked about. That's why I prefer this new doctor I'm seeing, because he knows when to ask about something important. He steers the conversation & takes control of the session. Like I would expect a professional to do.

The whole "friends with my therapist" thing didn't happen over night. Like I said, I've been seeing my therapist for a year & a half, once a week or twice a week if I was doing bad. So - it just happened that over a long period of time, seeing each other constantly, I became very open & comfortable & he became comfortable. So, it "resembles" a friendship. Of course we would not be considered real friends. For one - there's a huge age gap between us. LOL.

& To your question as to how to keep a professional distance. I honestly can't answer that. Because that's the problem that happened with my therapist. I wasn't able to keep a professional distance, & neither did he.

& The last question. Well - I'm not totally stopping seeing my old therapist. I'm still gonna see him for a supportive figure. I'm just gonna see him much less. What's gonna happen is I'm seeing this other doctor who is gonna take the lead on the therapy, while my old therapist will be the one that I just "process" things with in between sessions with the doctor. But what you're asking... It's very hard to start over. I have my first real session with him today, & the task of "starting over" is just so daunting. I mean, this is a whole new doctor that I'm gonna have to go over my whole mental health history with. A whole new doctor that I'm gonna have to try to open up to. It's definitely daunting.

But I don't think you should be worrying about any of this right now, actually. :b This is an intricate web of problems that I have weaved myself. LOL. You've been seeing your therapist for only 2 months. You have a lot of time to try to get comfortable with her. I would suggest just feel out the waters. Don't worry about getting "too close" because it sounds like you're problem is you're so very far from "close" at all, that you're therapist really wants you to open up more to her. & Part of that, I have to say, is crying. You were resisting crying. I do that all the time, too. But once I started crying in front of my therapist, I felt that I was being honest for the first time. Crying is naked honesty, in my eyes. & That may be what she wants you to try.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Dying note said:


> Sometimes it's helpful advice regarding what next action/step to take and other times he points out a completely different side of whatever it is I'm giving an opinion on or trying to explain, which happens often for the way I think about certain things. I also don't remember to ask questions and *have never been too sure on what specific questions to bring up but it's something I'm working on now. Zeroing in on what goals I do and should have with therapy overall is something I'm trying to focus on (before I fall into thinking I'm wasting everyone's time, which has led me to stop going in the past before I was ready to)*.


This is exactly why I made this thread. I can't seem to find purpose in therapy, other than having someone to talk to. Which is reason enough to go, but it just feels it should be so much more. I guess I need more time. I'm not very patient, am I? :teeth


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Ambitious said:


> Finding the words can be difficult sometimes. Your therapist should help you to find the words. But you also have to think about where your struggling - is it describing your emotions/feelings or putting descriptions onto events/situations in you life,,, or both? Or is it encorporating your feelings into the descriptions of situations??!!! Lol dont mean to make riddles, but i hope you understand.............


All of the above. I think. :b If I'm unprepared to talk about certain things beforehand, I won't be able discuss them properly. I can't think while I'm there.



> Your relationship doesnt have to have a definition. *But sometimes its good to know what level you stand. And sometimes this can be confusing. Heck, i duno wtf to describe the relationship wit my therapist like!!!!!!!!!* But when you say its strange, think about whats strange about it.......
> 
> I have been in several therapies for the last 5years straight.......pain in the hole now at this stage tbh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but im stuck in the system with nowhere to go...................


:teeth This! Exactly.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Monroee said:


> I see now. I know what you mean, about talking about the same stuff over & over again. Sometimes it would get like that with my therapist. When nothing significant was happening in my life, we would just recycle all the old conversations we've had. It really seemed like a waste of money. The only thing I can say - is, when things get like that, its supposed to be the therapist's job to dig deeper & find what needs to be talked about. That's why I prefer this new doctor I'm seeing, because he knows when to ask about something important. He steers the conversation & takes control of the session. Like I would expect a professional to do.



Ok, now I get it. That's exactly what happens. I just didn't know it was supposed to be like that.



> The whole "friends with my therapist" thing didn't happen over night. Like I said, I've been seeing my therapist for a year & a half, once a week or twice a week if I was doing bad. So - it just happened that over a long period of time, seeing each other constantly, I became very open & comfortable & he became comfortable. So, it "resembles" a friendship. Of course we would not be considered real friends. For one - there's a huge age gap between us. LOL.


I know this is different for everyone, but just out of curiosity, how long did it take for you to get so comfortable?



> & The last question. Well - I'm not totally stopping seeing my old therapist. I'm still gonna see him for a supportive figure. I'm just gonna see him much less. *What's gonna happen is I'm seeing this other doctor who is gonna take the lead on the therapy, while my old therapist will be the one that I just "process" things with in between sessions with the doctor*. But what you're asking... It's very hard to start over. I have my first real session with him today, & the task of "starting over" is just so daunting. I mean, this is a whole new doctor that I'm gonna have to go over my whole mental health history with. A whole new doctor that I'm gonna have to try to open up to. It's definitely daunting.


Sounds like a good arrangement to me. Do they know each other / share notes on you?



> But I don't think you should be worrying about any of this right now, actually. :b This is an intricate web of problems that I have weaved myself. LOL. You've been seeing your therapist for only 2 months. You have a lot of time to try to get comfortable with her. I would suggest just feel out the waters. Don't worry about getting "too close" because *it sounds like you're problem is you're so very far from "close" at all*, that you're therapist really wants you to open up more to her. & Part of that, I have to say, is crying. You were resisting crying. I do that all the time, too. But once I started crying in front of my therapist, I felt that I was being honest for the first time. *Crying is naked honesty, in my eyes. &* *That may be what she wants you to try*.


Good points. I'm a bit afraid of transferrence to tell you the truth. She's around my age. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thanks!


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> I'm not very patient, am I? :teeth


lol...Neither am I. Where I'm at now is a total surprise. Not only do I say more, I actually believe I'm being helped and that wasn't there in my past attempts with therapy. Anyway though, one of my goals now that I'm being helped with is in planning the future. I've told him several times I don't want to be in the same stuck situation a year from now, so he's been helping me break down my fear/hesitation from taking some necessary risks, like learning to drive for instance. I would have never gotten my license had I not gone for treatment when I did...By small steps, and eventually I hope to see myself having a life, thriving and not just existing/waiting to die as I have been for all this time.

Btw, sometimes I take notes into sessions with me with questions/topics I don't want to forget to mention. I started doing this when sitting in silence really began to bother me. I still have long silences at times, but it's no longer so much because of a blank mind...lol


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

I just talk about things, mainly my Dad but its only been two sessions so im not sure what will happen in further weeks. But im not sure how much it is actually helping though.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

I see the college councilor - She has really adapted to work with me - she understands that I am unable to express my emotions and talk about how I feel so I keep a diary for her. Everyday I write out how I feel, major events of the day and such, When I see her she looks through it and tries to discuss it with me. By writing it down I don't have to bring it up or try and explain it as I find that difficult when it comes to talking about me. If I cannot come to her or she hasn't heard from me in a while she will email me to see how things are going. We have done a lot of confidence work and how to react to situations. Then when things get bad she makes me go to the GP.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> I know this is different for everyone, but just out of curiosity, how long did it take for you to get so comfortable?
> 
> Hmm... I'd say quite a few months. Definitely didn't happen very quickly. It was very hard given that I had such high social anxiety at the time.
> 
> ...


As long as your aware of any feelings that may develop, I'd say you'll be okay. If anything starts to come out, just share it with her & she will help you through it. Transference is very common when two people of the opposite sex are involved in therapy.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

not friends, just therapist and client, i tell personal stuff, she is only 1 year younger than me, but she's good at what she does, she asks me daring questions other therapists are either too stupid to think of or are simply scared to ask


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## Dr Hobo Scratch MD (Jun 24, 2011)

NoName99 said:


> I'm wondering how it's like with others. For example, what's your relationship like, with your therapist? Are you close to him/her? Is it more like a friendship, or like a doctor-patient thing? Do you tell him/her any and everything that goes through your mind?
> 
> I've been seeing mine for 2 months now, but it sort of feels like I'm walking in circles. Today I almost started crying, but I resisted. I'm not sure how I should handle therapy. She says I'm doing fine, noting only that I should let myself get closer to her and ask more questions. I barely ask any, being afraid of the answers...


if your not willing to do alot of internal work yourself therapy may appear to be useful.to me its sorta useless. i been in it for years with many "specialists" to mark. to me therapy is good for helping yourself gain awareness of yourself......thats it............at a painfully slow pace. certain books can help you immensely with that in about as long as it takes you to read them.

say the goal is to dig a huge hole in the ground. therapy is using one of those lil plastic fisherprice shovels and only be allowed to take one scoop into the ground per week .......at a cost of course. reading the right books would be like calling in the cranes dozers earthmovers and dump trucks.


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

ShinAkuma said:


> she's good at what she does,* she asks me daring questions other therapists are either too stupid to think of or are simply scared to ask*


That's how it is with my therapist too, which I'm really glad about since it prevents me from skirting around the truth...


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