# Tips/advice on how to enjoy alone time?



## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

The issue with me is that, when I am not talking to certain people, I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. Like the guy I'm seeing, I sure as hell admit I have wasted a lot of my time waiting for him to get back to my messages and whatnot when I should really be doing something more productive that I know I should be doing (or could be doing), like homework.. watch a movie, etc. The problem is, I seem to have trouble concentrating on just that. I seem to just naturally resort to sitting around all day waiting for a response back, and if I don't get any, I start flipping out thinking maybe I'm not worth talking to, etc. when I know he's got things going on on his end (he has a big family), including homework or just needed alone time since we used to talk a whole lot until life got in the way more.

So my question is.. how in the world can I gradually get used to using my time more wisely? Maybe it seem real easy to just turn on the TV and start watching a movie I may find interesting, but my mind is always wrapped around "When the hell am I going to get a response back?" then I keep checking my phone and laptop *sighs*

I know we all have to balance everything in our life, but I seem to dedicate so much of my energy, feelings, my world to him that it's becoming rather unhealthy :\

Any great advice is very well appreciated, everyone


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## broseph (Jan 18, 2010)

Well I wouldn't really say that watching TV is productive. Would it be fair to say that the reason you're so focused on him is because he's your only real social connection? If so I think the best thing to do would be to develop your social life so that you're not dependent on one person to fulfill your need for connection. Maybe go volunteer somewhere.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

broseph said:


> Well I wouldn't really say that watching TV is productive. Would it be fair to say that the reason you're so focused on him is because he's your only real social connection? If so I think the best thing to do would be to develop your social life so that you're not dependent on one person to fulfill your need for connection. Maybe go volunteer somewhere.


Well, that sure makes a whole lot of sense to me now. You're right ya, he is basically my only real social connection. I have a friend who I hang out from time to time too, but I don't see her much either because she's really busy. Other than that, I actually never hang out with anyone at all unless it's with her or the guy I'm seeing...

I guess I should try giving up this fear that I have that I probably come off as annoying when I offer to hang out with so-and-so. Honestly, the reason why I've felt more comfortable hanging with these same 2 people is because... I know most of the time they don't turn me down. Now.. that sounds horrible o_o Guess it can get to the point where I'm suffocating them :\


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## broseph (Jan 18, 2010)

Alright so there's always two ways at looking at things. Don't see it as trying to get rid of a fear of being annoying. If you do it that way you'll always be focusing on the fear and that's all you'll see. Look at it in terms of offering to help other people to be more comfortable. That way you imply that you're comfortable and people will be more likely to want to spend time with you. If someone turns you down it'll probably be just because they're busy.


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

1. Take clothes off
2. ???
3. Profit


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## Kailei (Mar 31, 2012)

okies, there's several ways to approach this..
try and develop more of a social connection between people. More friends if possible. 

sounds like possible fear of rejection, or even a social/scared issue? (don't know the terms to describe that)
Also,.. you can view what your doing/sayin/text/calling your other friends from a "outward" point of view... What would u do, if someone was acting the same way you're acting.. Would u view it as annoying or to clingy? -helpfully that'll help ya. But i doubt your being annoying hun. People do have jobs and other things to do, and time to spend with family and their own lil activities, so don't take it offensively.

Q: are you able to focus on anything? Telly, net, other friends, activites, going out?
my reasoning for the question is, my roomie displays similar issue. 
She can only focus on friends, and drama, wha'ever. And wishes to go out alot. 
She cannot focus on telly, barely focus on net, and other things around her. i.e. cleaning, telly, things around the house, etc. 
But her problem was told to be a.d.d+lack of focus/concentration. -she on meds..they sometime work. 

Now u might just want to ease yourself into the focusing on other stuff, its good u know u got an issue here, so just try doing other things u enjoy, then working up to the productive, whatever u gotta do things. 

But u shouldn't have to wait around on people in life. There ARE other things to do. 
And i dont' mean that in a negative way. Either way if you're not able to focus in the end, u might want to discuss w/ doc? 
:cupWishes Ya luck hun


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## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> 1. Take clothes off
> 2. ???
> 3. Profit


lol, gosh.

OT: Well I dunno, do just that, watch movies, play videos games, read online.


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## softshock11 (Jan 9, 2011)

hmm...maybe take time to experiment with hobbies!


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Have bigger goals than meeting guys. If you obsess over it, it's just going to make you needy. Work towards some achievable realistic goals, exercise, do something eveyday that scares the crap out of you.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Kailei said:


> okies, there's several ways to approach this..
> try and develop more of a social connection between people. More friends if possible.
> 
> sounds like possible fear of rejection, or even a social/scared issue? (don't know the terms to describe that)
> ...


I do the outward thinking sometimes too to ease my way out of having the usual horrible feelings I have. It really does work, but I noticed it only works if I can actually write or type it out, therefore I rely on my journal for this. I write down what I am fearing or w/e, then put myself in the other person's shoes and think about how I'd feel if someone else acted such a way towards me. I've had people like that in my life before though.. and it was annoying as hell, so I keep that in mind as a reminder to shift my way of thinking to a more positive one.

I have trouble focusing on things actually. I used to multitask well even, but not anymore. My mind is rather crazy these days where a lot of times I can't exactly focus on anything I'm doing without thinking all sorts of crap (lots of "What ifs" and imagining things that could go wrong here and there, then psyching myself out that it will happen). It's a vicious circle...so I been trying to work on that :\



JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Have bigger goals than meeting guys. If you obsess over it, it's just going to make you needy. Work towards some achievable realistic goals, exercise, do something eveyday that scares the crap out of you.


Yah, you're right. I guess the main point with your post and Kailei's is that I should really keep myself busy with things I actually need to do and want to do to keep productive. Though I suppose that's one thing, and actually KEEPING MY MIND FOCUSED ON THOSE ACTIVITIES is another, so ...altogether, that's something major I need to work on more it seems. I actually did okay there this past week, then I fell into the dark hole again as of yesterday. I just noticed that happened once I was bored to death or was procrastinating over something I SHOULD be doing....

*sighs* going to take a while to get used to, but at least I managed to do something right earlier this week. Just going to have to keep pushing myself out of the hole just as I did earlier this week...

thanks everyone for the responses...


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## Lmatic3030 (Nov 3, 2011)

I usually write or exercise when I have a lot on my mind. Those are really the only two productive activities that really clear mind my mind when I am alone.

I know how you feel though, I often fall into those ruts.


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## iluvpurpleandpugs (Mar 16, 2012)

Find something to keep your mind or your body active!
If you insist on watching TV, watch a game show or some other show where you have to think. 
Otherwise, go on a walk, do some yardwork, dance to some music, find a book that really interests you(it will only work if you find it interesting), research something new on the Internet, etc. Just find something that will keep your mind active.


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## luffy (Jun 2, 2011)

go on crunchyroll and watch gintama.


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## Rachmaninoff (Apr 21, 2012)

I'm surprised masturbation hasn't been brought up


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