# Have You Ever Found Yourself Becoming Attracted to Someone Inappropriate?



## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

So, just curious because I'm starting to like someone I'm working with... am trying to convince myself that it is just proximity and my loneliness. He is way older, shy, dry sense of humour, widowed, funny, not really cute by my usual standards but the more we talk and the more we laugh together the more I am finding cute things about him that I am starting to like. Now the different part... he is diabetic and only has one leg... he lost one due to a blood clot 15 years ago but he gets around great and is VERY active and he's really kool.

I like this job and I really can NOT let this get the better of me. I need to just keep this banter as harmless workplace flirting and not let this go to my head... this is not ideal and I do not want this to be the guy that I am crushing on... I mean... he is way older - it's not the disability thing... I can easily cope with that... but the age thing... he has grown kids and grandkids and stuff. 

Talk me down people... I'm depending on you to talk me down out of this.

Thanks


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

If you ever listen to dr. drew you will know that people that have had a bad past, particularly when they were young are often attracted to guys that are not good for them. Guys that you know are going to hurt you or take advantage of you. Thankfully he doesnt seem like a bad guy just a different color on your pallette. The fact that he has kids is probably a red flag. Either he is divorced (for a reason) or he is married (hands off). Either way probably not a good idea.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

His wife died 4 years ago - we were talking about it when he asked if I was married and I told him that my husband died in '96 and that I'd been divorced from #2 since '01.

No, I don't listen to Dr. Drew but I know what you meant... thanks.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I've been attracted to one of my students, (who was no more than 6 years younger than I am, so no, I'm not a creep), but I didn't really have any real feelings for her. Perhaps it was because she seemed to show signs that she was interested (or it could be my imagination), or perhaps because she never wore a bra. Yes, she did get an A, but that's because she really was a good student.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Re-read the things you wrote in your openning post. If that really reflects your thoughts on this, then this is a nice man, but one who under normal circumstances you would not want to pursue a relationship with. That's really your answer. For whatever reason(s), it doesn't make sense for you. Being lonely is not a reason to make a choice that doesn't otherwise make sense. 

That's all cold and dry and simplified. I know it's harder than that, or you wouldn't be struggling. You need and like your job, right? You could mess that up. You have every right to consider his age and his health. Those are real concerns. He's not particularly your type, on top of these other things. So what's left that might have you wonky? 

If what's left is that he's there and you're lonely, haven't you already answered your question with your stated concerns? 

Good luck with this.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

I would proceed with caution--- since you work with him. You don't want to have to work side by side with an ex-lover. If you didn't work with him though, I'd say go for it with him. Nothing you said about him raises red flags with me about what kind of person he is---which is what is most important. My advice is to take your time getting to know him as a friend. If after a few months more, you remain interested, _then_ go for it.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Atticus said:


> Re-read the things you wrote in your openning post. If that really reflects your thoughts on this, then this is a nice man, but one who under normal circumstances you would not want to pursue a relationship with. That's really your answer. For whatever reason(s), it doesn't make sense for you. Being lonely is not a reason to make a choice that doesn't otherwise make sense.
> 
> That's all cold and dry and simplified. I know it's harder than that, or you wouldn't be struggling. You need and like your job, right? You could mess that up. You have every right to consider his age and his health. Those are real concerns. He's not particularly your type, on top of these other things. So what's left that might have you wonky?
> 
> ...





TRENNER said:


> I would proceed with caution--- since you work with him. You don't want to have to work side by side with an ex-lover. If you didn't work with him though, I'd say go for it with him. Nothing you said about him raises red flags with me about what kind of person he is---which is what is most important. My advice is to take your time getting to know him as a friend. If after a few months more, you remain interested, _then_ go for it.


Thank you... you're both right... I like my job too much... this will pass... I just needed cut and dry logic... I've picked hard situations my whole life... I think this was just me trying to default to what I know. We will be good co-workers, we will be friends at work... time will take care of the rest.

Thanks again. This really helped me a lot.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I'm often attracted to body parts on ghetto hoochie mamas who strut around half naked at my work place. I'd shoot myself though before ever pursuing thugin luvin with one of em.

I've been a bad boy today.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

I was attracted to one of teachers in highschool..in his late twenties.
I know 100% he felt the same..I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. lol


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I was thinking my boss was cute today, not physically, but his personality. He's way older than me, and it makes no sense, but I'm not ashamed since I have no intention of pursuing anything. 

I had a semi-sexual dream about my math teacher this semester. He is extremely charming and adorable- I'm speaking mroe of his personality as well. He's so cute in his absent-minded professor sort of way, lol. I'm such a freak, lol, but whatever. These thoughts are safe in my head.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Inappropriateness is hot. It makes things exciting.

But I agree with Atticus. Think of how much you appreciate this job and the chance of your attraction for him dying down once you actually start interacting with him outside the workplace, since you say he isn't like your usual type.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I have a crush on someone almost thirty years older than me.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I really seriously appreciate all the posts here... I'll be ok... it's just our daily interaction and it's been a long time since I got to interact with a grown up male who was so funny in a dry quirky way, who sought me out to talk and get to know me and who made the first move, I guess I'm really flattered and I do really have a lot of respect for how hard this guy has worked since losing his leg... I mean he works like 3 different jobs, drives all over the place, delivers stuff, works with the public, is friendly and kind to everyone and he does and is interested in all the things I am interested in and we have the same priorities in life. He's so great with his kids and grandkids - he's amazing. Some people there are all weird because he is disabled and bald and quiet and shy but I don't see any of that when we are talking and laughing... he's just a guy who's fun to talk with and I could easily see us going out to lunch on our lunch hour (if we had the same lunch hour - but we don't - which is probably a good thing I suppose). I'm sure it's obvious that I like him but I'm really trying to hide it from everyone... I don't want it to make him feel awkward or create any weird vibes at work. I really can NOT lose this job... it may only be 20 hours a week but I really love working there.

Thanks again for all the helpful posts.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

do you know that many women will find certain guys more attractive over time, as they get to know them? thats happened to me before. you dont think they are anything hot. then after a few months of talking theyre so hot all of a sudden. doesnt happen with guys in the same way

and yes. i remember being ONLY 13-14 and liking my teacher who was 36. my first older guy crush. it was then i started feeling guilty about liking older guys.


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## nIdahoBeing (Apr 20, 2010)

caflme said:


> ... I'm sure it's obvious that I like him but I'm really trying to hide it from everyone... I don't want it to make him feel awkward or create any weird vibes at work. I really can NOT lose this job... it may only be 20 hours a week but I really love working there.
> 
> Thanks again for all the helpful posts.


That's the hardest part for me: trying to hide it. I have had three work crushes in the last six months when before that I had no problems! It's like one guy got through my barriers and then the doors to my heart were wide open.

I just try to enjoy being around them, enjoy how I feel because that's what's making me like them, and try not to let it show I am attracted. I sometimes think people probably can tell, but then I think "who cares, we're not doing anything wrong, and it feels good to laugh".

Anyway, the crush on the first one faded, he actually got annoying. The second one I finally morphed into a "brotherly love". So I'm not too worried about the third crush. It's very strong, but it will fade in time.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

There is no such thing as innapropriate attraction. You can't help it. Although one time my cousin was attracted to his second cousin, I thought that was weird though, lol


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## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

Atticus said:


> Re-read the things you wrote in your openning post. If that really reflects your thoughts on this, then this is a nice man, but one who under normal circumstances you would not want to pursue a relationship with. That's really your answer. For whatever reason(s), it doesn't make sense for you. Being lonely is not a reason to make a choice that doesn't otherwise make sense.
> 
> That's all cold and dry and simplified. I know it's harder than that, or you wouldn't be struggling. You need and like your job, right? You could mess that up. You have every right to consider his age and his health. Those are real concerns. He's not particularly your type, on top of these other things. So what's left that might have you wonky?
> 
> ...


Ditto.


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## shygirl14 (May 23, 2009)

I have a crush on an older guy at work.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I'm ok everyone - but really - thanks... it was just a moment in time and it passed. I mean I like the guy and we are going to be great co-workers because of it. Things are chill.

It's been nice to read the other stories here though - makes me feel better for these crazy little crushes. It definitely keeps things interesting though.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

oh yes, like girls who are a little to young, or old enough to be my mother, school teachers, ect. I think the whole forbidden relationship idea turns me on.

Interesting note: in high school I had 5 senior classes my senior year and 1 teacher aid class which was freshmen, there were more hot 13/14 year olds in that one class than all 5 classes worth of senior girls. I'm not a pedo either so please don't misunderstand.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

One time I was attracted to my teachers assistant. He was around my age, but it was an inappropriate crush because he was the one grading my work! Plus there is a fine line between teacher and student. I was not attracted at first, but I spent a lot of time with him. He was really patient and good at explaining. It was the toughest class I've ever taken in college. But one day I saw him holding hands with some girl around campus. With the assumption that was his "girlfriend," my crush on him disappeared- lol. I felt silly for ever thinking of him in that way.


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## gordonramsay (May 27, 2010)

I've had fantasies about being with women that I would never date. I've pretty much imagined myself having sex with curvy women between the ages of 16-60.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

I had sex fantasies about this 34ish year old woman in one of the cafes I frequent.

I know its wrong, the age difference is ludicrous. But she was smoldering, yep.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

MichaelWesten said:


> It's really not.


Yes it is. 22 year old guy and 34 year old woman equals eyebrows being raised.


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## gordonramsay (May 27, 2010)

counterfeit self said:


> Yes it is. 22 year old guy and 34 year old woman equals eyebrows being raised.


So do interracial couples, who cares!


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## gordonramsay (May 27, 2010)

I agree with Michael. I would date a 58 year old if it means I can have unprotected sex with her and not get her pregnant.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

gordonramsay said:


> i agree with michael. I would date a 58 year old if it means i can have unprotected sex with her and not get her pregnant.


lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Definition of Innappropriate attraction, make sure you have a bucket beside you, because after you read this you will throw up

http://www.news.com.au/world/man-to-have-baby-with-his-lover-grandma/story-e6frfkz0-1225860821857


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

MichaelWesten said:


> And? Who cares if other people might think it's odd. If you're attracted to her and she's attracted to you, I don't see a problem. I'd gladly date a 40 year old and not think twice about it.


I would consider it inappropriate because people don't think what happens later on. She'll be 60 and considering retirement and you'll still be working through your career.

It's important to date closer to your age range because you can both be at different stages in your life.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It sounds like it is just the attention that you are after.
Everybody likes to feel involved. 

It will pass.


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## starblob (Oct 23, 2005)

Just teachers and uni lecturers. I contented myself with ritualistic fantasising - I never wanted anything to happen with anyone.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

I've been attracted to married guys...YIKES. This has happened twice. One was in his late 20's the other early 30's. I would never do anything about it though, because obviously they're married.

I've also been inappropriately attracted to other certain people, but it's too embarrassing and complicated to even explain.


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## uffie (May 11, 2010)

I use to really like one of my teachers. It wasn't that much of an age difference I was 18 she was 24. I think she kinda liked to me too. I would come into class early and we would just talk about music and life. She would even burn me cd's and talk to me on myspace.


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## VoxPop (Nov 9, 2003)

I'm not sure how being attracted to a colleague could be inappropriate. You can't control who you're attracted to. Acting on it isn't always wise - "don't dip your pen in the company ink" as they say, but at a former job I can think of two couples that met on the job and were married.


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## DenisLi (Jan 3, 2009)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Definition of Innappropriate attraction, make sure you have a bucket beside you, because after you read this you will throw up
> 
> http://www.news.com.au/world/man-to-have-baby-with-his-lover-grandma/story-e6frfkz0-1225860821857


Dude, that's just wrong. On so many levels. His mother is also his 
*GREAT*-grandmother! I guess they must've got some inspiration from the futurama episode where Fry is his own grandfather.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Wow, funny, I just read this after all this time. Not only did I go on a first date with him.... I married him last November.... on 11/12/13 at 14:15 military time (2:15pm). His grown kids ended up being really great stepkids and my two step-grandkids are awesome. My son, who is turning 16 loves being part of their family. Plus his deceased wife's family have all treated us like their own from day one. I would have never guessed re-reading those old first posts that this would have happened. We dated for nearly 3 years before getting engaged and then finally decided to plan and do it. We kept it small and inexpensive and had fun. I'd say the wedding was the most stressful part of the whole thing. Things are good - I couldn't have foreseen or asked for it to have been any better.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Oh, and we still work together and things are fine there too.... that never ended up being a problem. Actually everyone at work was really supportive and encouraging and thought it was neat... they all helped with the wedding and they closed the office just so that everyone could come be there on our wedding day.


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## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

Back in high school, I had a huge crush on my tutor for a Chem SAT subject test. She was married and much older than me, but was really sweet, attractive, funny, and intelligent. Thanks to her I did well on the exam.

And that's awesome caflme! Congrats!


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

When I was a teen I had a crush on a friend of my mom's, and I think she might have been interested in me too. 

(that's the nice one now come the horror stories so everyone hates me)

As a teacher it is natural to find some students attractive, I feel bad about it, but stand by it's normal.

What was "going too far" is I had a young student about 14/15 she was pretty, smart, funny (in away that we shared jokes that the rest of the class didn't get). I really liked her... a lot. One day she fell in class, and helped her up, our hands touched for a few seconds. It wasn't more than a few seconds and no one watching would think it was anything other than a teacher helping a student, but deep down in my heart I was holding the hand of a female I was very attracted too, and all the butterflies and harp music that goes with that existed in that moment.

I mean that's as far as it went, but still it was a strong attraction and it was very inappropriate.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

I've been attracted to someone a lot older than me who was in a relationship. She was attracted to me too and I have a strong feeling she wouldn't have had any moral problems with sleeping with me... I on the other hand didn't want to go through with that both cause of the moral problem and out of self preservation as it could have messed up my life had we gone through with it and it would've gotten out.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I bet he's attracted to you too but he would never act on it thinking that you wouldn't be interested because of his age and leg. 

If the job is not that important to you and you can easily find another job, then go for it. You need ground rules like: At work it's all business. No notes, winks or whispers. It's 100% work at work. 

Steps:

1. Have lunch together as coworkers.
2. Have after work drinks together as coworkers.
3. After a couple of drinks. Say, there is a new restaurant you want to try but you have no one to go with. Ask him if he would like to come.

It's nice to read stories about people being attracted to something more substantial than a boob, butt or face. It's shocking to find someone actually attracted to a person.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

caflme said:


> Wow, funny, I just read this after all this time. Not only did I go on a first date with him.... I married him last November.... on 11/12/13 at 14:15 military time (2:15pm). His grown kids ended up being really great stepkids and my two step-grandkids are awesome. My son, who is turning 16 loves being part of their family. Plus his deceased wife's family have all treated us like their own from day one. I would have never guessed re-reading those old first posts that this would have happened. We dated for nearly 3 years before getting engaged and then finally decided to plan and do it. We kept it small and inexpensive and had fun. I'd say the wedding was the most stressful part of the whole thing. Things are good - I couldn't have foreseen or asked for it to have been any better.


Wow what a happy story! :')


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Congrats op, that is awesome!


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## 1908 (Nov 9, 2012)

A girl at work who's over a decade younger than me. I even asked her out haha. She said no and now has a bf. That stung a bit because she has such a similar personality to mine. And she's amazingly cute looks-wise. Oh well. We don't see each other much at work and she's going away to school in September. Feelings are already fading quickly.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Didn't realize this was an old thread. Nice to see a happy ending.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

Kudos to anyone who found someone special.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

caflme said:


> Wow, funny, I just read this after all this time. Not only did I go on a first date with him.... I married him last November.... on 11/12/13 at 14:15 military time (2:15pm). His grown kids ended up being really great stepkids and my two step-grandkids are awesome. My son, who is turning 16 loves being part of their family. Plus his deceased wife's family have all treated us like their own from day one. I would have never guessed re-reading those old first posts that this would have happened. We dated for nearly 3 years before getting engaged and then finally decided to plan and do it. We kept it small and inexpensive and had fun. I'd say the wedding was the most stressful part of the whole thing. Things are good - I couldn't have foreseen or asked for it to have been any better.


WOW....What a crazy story! Congratulations! I guess none of us guys have a right to complain.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

My younger cousin's friend(I was like 23 and he was like 17). I didn't mind when he was walking around in his boxers/swimwear all the time, while being at our summer cabin.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Congratulations caflme, that is awesome


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

I have with my neighbor's dog, my brother, a few cousins, a statue/ sculpture, etc.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

A friend's mum...when I was about 12 :blank


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## BrainChemistry (Oct 1, 2014)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I've been attracted to one of my students, (who was no more than 6 years younger than I am, so no, I'm not a creep), but I didn't really have any real feelings for her. Perhaps it was because she seemed to show signs that she was interested (or it could be my imagination), or perhaps because she never wore a bra. Yes, she did get an A, but that's because she really was a good student.


Are you sure I always thought the most good looking girls got in general very good grades with the male teachers lol. Must be some correlation. She could have clouded your judgement like for me with girls I feel for. The bad sides don't exist anymore then.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I was attracted to an 18 year old when I was 29. She was in one of my classes. We both were college students, so no, I wasn't her professor. 

Completely different walks of life. We became friends, but it's very clear that people are undatable until they're at least 22. The emotional rollercoaster that young people ride...not for me anymore, I've gotten off that train!


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## musiclover55 (Feb 7, 2011)

Most of my crushes have been inappropriate: married, 16+ years older than me, teachers/professors, didn't know I existed....


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## romeoindespair (Oct 16, 2014)

I was interning at a hotel a while back and there was this older women who I liked who I'm fairly certain had the hots for me. 

Every day when she walked in she'd rub my back and shoulders and several times I've caught her staring (down there :blush) when im working.


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

musiclover55 said:


> Most of my crushes have been inappropriate: married, 16+ years older than me, teachers/professors, didn't know I existed....


Are you serious?

I'm just wondering, because I seem to get the most serious attention from older guys, but I never go out with them (well, only one asked, but still) because of the age difference. I keep saying that I'm just going to do it, but I never do. With one guy, it's because he has a kid, but still.

I don't get attention from guys my age (I just look like I'm 12 years older than I am, I guess).

No one close to me has been in a relationship with a difference of over two years. Seriously. And I've never been in a relationship and I sort of wanted it to be someone near my age, but if I am more attracted to the older guy, it's not too bad, I guess.

Did other people know about the relationships, or some of them? I'm just curious.


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## musiclover55 (Feb 7, 2011)

jlscho03 said:


> Are you serious?
> 
> I'm just wondering, because I seem to get the most serious attention from older guys, but I never go out with them (well, only one asked, but still) because of the age difference. I keep saying that I'm just going to do it, but I never do. With one guy, it's because he has a kid, but still.
> 
> ...


Yep! And I never told anyone about who I had crushes on and stuff. Of course I never dated or tried to hit on any of them, but I sometimes wonder what would I have done if they did show an interest in me? I'd like to think I can't mess around with cheaters, but... :stu I've never been in that kind of situation.

When I was on plenty of fish, back when I was 18, I did get like 3 messages from older men (who I wasn't interested in). One guy even had on his profile that he was married and basically looking for a side chick :/


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

My programming/coding teacher is 40 and married and I have such a stupid crush on him. lol.


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