# Anxiety is not reality: a realization.



## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

Last night before i was about to go to bed, i started getting anxious about something in the future. I realized that my anxiety was just thoughts trying to scare me it wasn't "real". By that I mean the thoughts were real but it wasn't based in reality. Reality exists in the present moment, the future you picture in your mind is not real, its an illusion of the mind. The anxiety you feel in your body is real it comes from the reaction to the thoughts, which are also real. However the thoughts are not about the present moment, so they are not reality based. The scary thoughts are fiction of the mind. So next i realized i wasn't in any present danger, so the anxiety feelings were not protecting me from anything. Basically they were useless, and i had nothing to really fear. I just accepted that they were scary thoughts, and that they had caused my body to react by pumping some adrenaline through my system.

I was able to separate myself from my thoughts and observe them for what they are: _just thoughts_, albeit with an emotional reaction that can be felt in the body. Also the anxiety is not caused by something _real_ in the future that's going to happen, its just _thoughts_ about bad possible scenarios, that are most likely not going to happen. I've realized all this in theory for awhile, but last night I finally have had a first hand experience in how this really works. I consider it an important step in my fight against anxiety.

I'd like to also add that this did not make the anxiety go away immediately, it just made me realize consciously that it was safe to ignore what was going on in my body. I just said ok I can live with this until it runs it course. Which also made the anxiety state shorter since I was not fighting with it. So the important things to fight anxiety are Awareness and Acceptance.


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## Jene (Jan 13, 2012)

That makes so much sense! Next time I'm feeling anxious about something, I'll remember this. Thanks for the insight!


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

Jene said:


> That makes so much sense! Next time I'm feeling anxious about something, I'll remember this. Thanks for the insight!


You're welcome, I hope the insight turns out to be helpful


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## NostalgicSoul (Jun 13, 2012)

very interesting.


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## Wilbur (Jun 13, 2012)

Great post. I'm starting to come to terms with these ideas reading Ronald Rapee's book Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia. In it, he basically demonstrates what you're saying - outside events in and of themselves don't cause anxiety; it's our (often exaggerated) interpretations, expectations, and thoughts _about_ the event or situation that creates the anxiety. Unraveling those deeper thought processes (why are we thinking in a particular manner about this event or situation? and are these thoughts based on realistic probabilities of occurrence?) is a big step toward reducing the associated anxiety, because we're looking at things more _realistically._ Combined with living in the present moment, those are really powerful tools, I believe.

Of course there are times it helps to be anxious, but I read a cool little quote that's shared amongst war correspondents to quell constant fear - "Everything is OK until it's not." So let me challenge my anxiety to stay quiet this moment until the sky actually is falling, or I'm getting pelted by rotten eggs while strolling down Main Street.


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## nomoreants (Mar 31, 2012)

Welcome to reality. Mind does that all the time. You will find it frustrating if you slip in to old pattern again in future , specially when you have so many things to do and life is stressful then your mind automatically goes in to old pattern of imagining worse scenarios in the future. Most of them are linked to the tasks you have to do in future so u don't realise the anxious thoughts connected to something realistic u have to do in future.. 
The only solution i found to that is 
Do what you want..and want what you do. Even if you are begging , beg because you want to. and soon u will find yourself not begging.

Fears fears fears . They rule our lives. Without fears there is perfection in whatever you do. 

Everyone does things out of fear even those who are not suffering from anxieties. 
When you do things not because you want to but because OTHERS do it . or to fit in society then you are not living , u are fearing.


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## kyndbud (Apr 11, 2012)

*exactly.*

spot on! awesome post. thanks for sharing.


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## AnxietyGirlx (Feb 26, 2011)

Thanks for this. It makes so much sense.  it's so hard for overthinkers though. I've got like 50 running ideas in my head. Before I even make a decision, it's too late. party's over.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

Love it!


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## rlr9571 (Oct 28, 2010)

Totally true! A lot of thoughts are simply perceptions that, once you think about them, aren't even logical at all and can be dismissed.

Consider yourself somewhat lucky to realize this. It seems obvious once you have figured it out but really not so obvious if you haven't.

Then again, so much programming comes in from all directions it's difficult to manage it all but the more you take control of your own thoughts rather than having outside influences change your thinking then the easier it becomes to direct your thinking to more useful and positive ways that lead to more fullfillment in life.

I can say personally that not having a TV in my apartment (even though I still like a bit of TV here and there, and still love movies and good shows) has certainly helped me become more calm and focused.

Thanks for the post!


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## newbornmind (May 6, 2012)

Everyone should read "The Power Of Now" if they haven't already. Being present is BIG, it can have a profound effect on your life.

Having said that, it takes practice, something most people, myself included up until more recently, are not willing to do, because they don't realize the amazing benefits, and just how much it can enhance their experience of life.

Good insight man!


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## Openyoureyes (Jun 13, 2012)

well said, yes i always worry about the future. ugh god, anxiety though. i need to accept it and not be soo embarrassed by it.


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## BoringBum (Jan 10, 2011)

That is very, very good man. Yeah, I've kind of started to realize that with some readings, but I really like the way you put it. The way you worded it sounds very nice. As an extension to your realization (this is BTW, the book that helped me sort of realize it), you might want to check this out: "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Steven C. Hayes. The author has this acceptance and commitment therapy approach to his book. He kind of says what you typed up: that thoughts are sometimes just thoughts, and we don't have to get so wrapped up in them all the time. And that we should accept our pain, and pursue the things we truly value in life.


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## MrWibblyWobbly (Mar 2, 2012)

Congrats on your discovery, Keith!  This is actually a big part of what mindfulness is about: learning to see thoughts and emotions as just the mind doing its thing, and learning when it's a good idea to ignore them. It's something that's helped me a lot. With regular meditation, I've gotten better and better at letting those negative thoughts and pangs of anxiety pass, which has freed up more room for positive experiences/emotions.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

newbornmind said:


> Everyone should read "The Power Of Now" if they haven't already. Being present is BIG, it can have a profound effect on your life.
> 
> Having said that, it takes practice, something most people, myself included up until more recently, are not willing to do, because they don't realize the amazing benefits, and just how much it can enhance their experience of life.
> 
> Good insight man!


Yes! everyone should read "The Power of Now"  Its an excellent book that has helped open my eyes and awaken me. "A New Earth" is great too. If you like Tolle, J. Krishnamurti is good to read too, he was very influential on Tolle.



BoringBum said:


> That is very, very good man. Yeah, I've kind of started to realize that with some readings, but I really like the way you put it. The way you worded it sounds very nice. As an extension to your realization (this is BTW, the book that helped me sort of realize it), you might want to check this out: "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Steven C. Hayes. The author has this acceptance and commitment therapy approach to his book. He kind of says what you typed up: that thoughts are sometimes just thoughts, and we don't have to get so wrapped up in them all the time. And that we should accept our pain, and pursue the things we truly value in life.


ACT is great stuff! My whole post is essentially about "Cognitive Fusion" as they call it in ACT, to anyone who is unacquainted. Its been awhile since i read any books on ACT; but perhaps i'll have to pickup that book you mentioned as i know Steven Hayes is the creator, and i haven't read any of him yet. I liked "The Happiness Trap" and thought " The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook" was pretty good too. The latter really drove the point home of not wrestling with whats going on, and just accepting it.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

I agree, I think acceptence is key..rather than being ashamed abt the fact you have SA. But I love what you said about the bad thoughts being illusions,so true. I want to print this lol, its very helpful.


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## cerulean (Dec 8, 2008)

I've tried doing this before, and it has never worked for me. I try to tell myself that I'm not in any danger, nothing bad is going to happen, that these anxious thoughts are irrational, etc. I think it backfires because I doesn't make me feel better, and then I start to worry and feel trapped inside my mind.


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

It's all about mindfulness.

But you know what .......it;s really hard to do.

Minfulness is like an antidote to what is wrong with us.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Keith said:


> Reality exists in the present moment, the future you picture in your mind is not real, its an illusion of the mind. The anxiety you feel in your body is real it comes from the reaction to the thoughts, which are also real. However the thoughts are not about the present moment, so they are not reality based.


I just had an anxiety experience after reading this, so I thought, well no.. the fact that I don't want to be here in this living situation with other people in the next room with their lifes mixing with mine, I don't want any part in this.. and that's very real. I'm not lying to myself, but it's fair to say that in the past 5, ..6 years.. I haven't been aware of this and I've been making choices without knowing, confronting it.

Firstly, clarity is REALLY important. What is actually happening, and how do we go about fixing it. This is something therapy should work on. For me, I would ideally now realize that dealing with other people is a natural part of life I've been missing, and that I am fully able to do it since I'm a human being too.



Keith said:


> The scary thoughts are fiction of the mind. So next i realized i wasn't in any present danger, so the anxiety feelings were not protecting me from anything. Basically they were useless, and i had nothing to really fear. I just accepted that they were scary thoughts, and that they had caused my body to react by pumping some adrenaline through my system.


The anxiety comes from something you've learned represents something bad happening.. an association. In that sense, the association is very useful. It successfully provokes a reaction to ward off the contact with the 'danger'. The problem is that you need to face what is sometimes found to be a 'danger'. I guess it's fair to say that if you never pay attention to the anxiety, you will have all possible chances of becoming more resilient to it. It makes sense to me that if I "just don't care", anything in the social situations I'm so scared of, becomes possible.. knowing how to keep people interested in conversation, and things like that, are entirely separate. We tend to group up aspects of things together, and generally avoid them or be drawn to them depending on a 'general impression'. Like what we do with other people. It's because there is no fast way of adding up what people have done in the past, to be able to judge them.

Anxiety in -any- social interaction is mostly from self-esteem or body issues though I think... leading back to the example of "just don't care" -> you aren't overloaded, brain overworking with being conscious of your body and how you appear to others. Self-esteem and confidence are key for overcoming that. So it only makes sense that you face the 'danger' to overcome the cause for not being able to deal with it well so that it's not a danger.

Think about it like cats. The kittens play fight with each other to learn how to fight. This is partly based on inherited insticts, but it's important for any living being to get real experience for controlling the muscles. This fighting experience is built over time (and movement, attacking will vary with the terrain).. it can't be transferred in DNA. So, when the kitten grows up and hunts mice, spiders.. it knows how to do it. (In the wild, lions, tigers etc. can kill things larger than themselves.) It _plays_ with spiders. because it's so natural that it's easy. And yet, if this cat hadn't had all this experience (the playing with other cats isn't important) and was instead raised by someone feeding it milk from a bottle, it would be less suited for living how its biological design intended. ...the same can be said for humans who don't have social interaction as a central part of their lives. If you stay away from people at all costs (me), you have a constant nightmare to face. That's the price of living like this.



Keith said:


> I'd like to also add that this did not make the anxiety go away immediately, it just made me realize consciously that it was safe to ignore what was going on in my body. I just said ok I can live with this until it runs it course. Which also made the anxiety state shorter since I was not fighting with it. So the important things to fight anxiety are Awareness and Acceptance.


I'm fully aware of the anxiety I get.. it's not my body but my mind which feels the uneasiness. Today I made myself repeat some words (like I imagined I could do if I really needed).. something like "this is MY house, I live here, I WILL go and do XYZ, I AM GOING TO DO IT [and then I visualised doing it], I GET THINGS DONE"

..I mean there's more stuff to write but, I'm now talking about a specific problem area I think.

Some simple reasoning- "You are the kind of person that solves problems when you are faced with them"

What situations exactly are we talking about most of the time, when having this kind of issue of "I need to do something but I need to talk myself into it first".. ?


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

rubyruby said:


> It's all about mindfulness.
> 
> But you know what .......it;s really hard to do.
> 
> Minfulness is like an antidote to what is wrong with us.


Yes. Exactly.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

rlr9571 said:


> I can say personally that not having a TV in my apartment (even though I still like a bit of TV here and there, and still love movies and good shows) has certainly helped me become more calm and focused.


For me I get that impression I'm fading into escapism with TV, which is bad if I then associate more 'conscious' thoughts surrounding anxieties as 'negative'. ...so I guess that's what people have often meant by saying this road to travel down was 'harmful' and 'dangerous'.. heh.


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