# Girls, would you date a person like me?



## Mentalhead (Oct 7, 2011)

I admit, I'm having a self-confidence crisis a bit, and I was wondering if girls on SAS or any other "normal" (not into normal girls to be honest) girls would be interested in a guy like me.

I'm not looking for a date, a friend, or pity, I would just like to know, yes or no and why. 

So, few things about me. I'm 25 years old from a small town. I'm a country guy, living with my parents with no job. I'm socially anxious and misanthropic, I don't go out (clubbing, shows and such), ever, I can barely drive a car, I sometimes hang out with my friends at their house, and that's all the socialization I'm getting besides internet; I'm cold towards people I don't know. In general I don't like social situations, I avoid them, and not fuzzy and caring person, but I like to make people laugh, make them feel good about themselves. I guess expressing my feelings isn't my kind of thing. Only time when I'm all warm and fuzzy is with cats or dogs, I kinda like animals more than people.

I'm a nerdy person, I'm into computers and video games, shows, cartoons. I like watching Cartoon Network or Disney before switching to Walking Dead. Sometimes I feel so immature, like a manchild, but again, people often tell me that I sound and think too mature for my age. As you guessed it, I'm a morbid person, with crude sense of humor, so sick and dirty jokes are my everyday routine. I have these weird interests, ranging from psychology to history, science. Often even my best friends see me as a freak and fail to understand me.

So my question to you is this kind of person someone that you would like to date or no, and why? I know most people here are similar, but what about "normal" people? I'm not that interested in "normal people", but meeting someone like me especially in a small town is next to impossible.

With most girls I usually drive them away since I'm "nice but kinda weird, or just weird " or I just remain silent because I don't have anything in common, and in bast case scenario if I meet someone like me I end up in the friend zone.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Pros:
You watch the walking dead, so common interest there.
You have friends, and you hang out with them.
You like animals.
Country guy?
Psychology, history, science interests.

Cons:
You're a bit young for me.
You live with your parents 
You have no job (this is a dealbreaker)
Cartoon Network...
Country guy?
Sick and dirty jokes being an everyday routine.. That can be a bit much.
You're not interested in normal people, and say you want someone like you, which seems to point at you defining yourself as weird. I'm done with wierd. A little is ok, but usually when people say they are wierd, and act proud of it, it gets a bit too wierd for me.

All in all its a no.
This is just my opinion, please respect. OP asked for it, and something is better than nothing.


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

If you put yourself out there the right one for you will eventually be found. All it takes is just being yourself with pride. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are.


PS: Cartoon network and disney don't sound really morbid to me. Just sayin'. :/


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

Skeletra said:


> This is just my opinion, please respect. OP asked for it, and something is better than nothing.


XD I don't think you should feel bad about it. He asked for others opinions, and you expressed yours.


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## Mentalhead (Oct 7, 2011)

Skeletra said:


> Pros:
> You watch the walking dead, so common interest there.
> You have friends, and you hang out with them.
> You like animals.
> ...


No hard feelings, I asked for honest opinion, so it's all good.  I appreciate your honesty and I thank you for taking the time to read through all that.



GGTFM said:


> If you put yourself out there the right one for you will eventually be found. All it takes is just being yourself with pride. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are.
> 
> PS: Cartoon network and disney don't sound really morbid to me. Just sayin'. :/


I don't know, I feel like I switch between this shy and sweet manchild that watches Cartoon Network, reads comics, and plays video games and the next one I'm this misanthropic guy that watches a documentary about Jeffrey Dahmer, philosophy or some stuff like that.

I'm this kinda guy that will be all nice and cuddly when I see a little cat or a dog "aren't you adorable little thing, yes, you're so sweet, yes you are", and the next one I'll be telling dirty / sick jokes being all crude. I'm not that rude I guess, I know how to behave (when I must, but it's kinda suffocating), but I like acting silly and stupid, but again, I often enjoy deep and intellectual conversation.

I think it's just too much for people to handle, and frankly it was too much for me at one point in my life. I kinda hated myself for being this crude person, but now I realize that makes me happy, it helps me cope with my anxiety, it makes me smile and forget all of my problems, at least for a while. 

Anyhow, thanks for answering and thanks for the kind words.


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## Stray Bullet (Feb 21, 2014)

Skeletra said:


> Cons:
> You live with your parents
> You have no job (this is a dealbreaker)


Aren't you unemployed and live with your parents?


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## Demure (Jul 14, 2014)

Cons:
Too old for me
Misanthropic
No job/not a student
Dirty jokes
Not caring
You probably have different religious beliefs

Pros:
Pretty much everything else.


So no, but we could be friends.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Stray Bullet said:


> Skeletra said:
> 
> 
> > Cons:
> ...


Yes, well I'm an extra at a farmers supply store, but that's less than half.
If I had a full time job and an appartement of my own, this wouldn't be such a deal breaker. Still a con though.
At least one of us has to be able to bring home the bacon.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Skeletra said:


> Yes, well I'm an extra at a farmers supply store, but that's less than half.
> If I had a full time job and an appartement of my own, this wouldn't be such a deal breaker. Still a con though.
> At least one of us has to be able to bring home the bacon.


so you need a guy to support you? That's a requirement?


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## pantonals (Oct 9, 2014)

In today's society it's quite hard to live on your own unless you have a really good paying job. Right now I'm living with my parents, but I have a job and a car and school is about to start in the Fall. In the past, my parents basically told me if I wasn't going to school, I need to find a job and move out - which I did. If someone was older than me and they didn't have a job or they had trouble driving a car, it would make things really difficult because how could we do anything? I hate to be the person that has to pick someone up and drive them around or be the one that has to pay for everything. I also hate living with parents because I don't have the option to bring someone home. If the guy had a place of his own, that would be a major plus, but not being able to do anything without being in public would get on my nerves after a while.

I find things as a team effort and yeah, as a female, I think it's nice when a male pays for lunch because it shows that he cares and wants to do things for me. However, I understand everyone has their own struggles (trust me, I wasn't ready to work after getting out of the hospital but my parents forced me, and they forced me to get a car or else I'd take forever to do so). It's nice to be around someone who's trying to improve their life, even if it's with a job and they're saving up. Having plans and aspirations is a huge plus for me.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

pantonals said:


> In today's society it's quite hard to live on your own unless you have a really good paying job. Right now I'm living with my parents, but I have a job and a car and school is about to start in the Fall. In the past, my parents basically told me if I wasn't going to school, I need to find a job and move out - which I did. If someone was older than me and they didn't have a job or they had trouble driving a car, it would make things really difficult because how could we do anything? I hate to be the person that has to pick someone up and drive them around or be the one that has to pay for everything. I also hate living with parents because I don't have the option to bring someone home. If the guy had a place of his own, that would be a major plus, but not being able to do anything without being in public would get on my nerves after a while.
> 
> I find things as a team effort *and yeah, as a female, I think it's nice when a male pays for lunch because it shows that he cares *and wants to do things for me. However, I understand everyone has their own struggles (trust me, I wasn't ready to work after getting out of the hospital but my parents forced me, and they forced me to get a car or else I'd take forever to do so). It's nice to be around someone who's trying to improve their life, even if it's with a job and they're saving up. Having plans and aspirations is a huge plus for me.


Speak for yourself. I'm not bothered about this.


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## pantonals (Oct 9, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Speak for yourself. I'm not bothered about this.


Like I said - I see it as a team effort. And if he pays for lunch, awesome. But I wouldn't mind picking up the tab every so often to show that I'm not taking advantage of him. Everyone has their own opinions and it seems like men do get really annoyed with society's expectations of how they're supposed to be the breadwinner. But I've met plenty of guys who expect something from me because they paid for lunch - sexual or even some kind of affection, like a kiss even if I don't want to at that very moment.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

pantonals said:


> Like I said - I see it as a team effort. And if he pays for lunch, awesome. But I wouldn't mind picking up the tab every so often to show that I'm not taking advantage of him. Everyone has their own opinions and it seems like men do get really annoyed with society's expectations of how they're supposed to be the breadwinner. But I've met plenty of guys who expect something from me because they paid for lunch - sexual or even some kind of affection, like a kiss even if I don't want to at that very moment.


Are you saying you go along with things you don't want to do sometimes because your partner has paid for you? I hope that's not what you're saying... The expectations are ridiculous on both sides though, dating gender roles are dumb in my opinion. There shouldn't be societal based expectations like that.


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## pantonals (Oct 9, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Are you saying you go along with things you don't want to do sometimes because your partner has paid for you? I hope that's not what you're saying... The expectations are ridiculous on both sides though, dating gender roles are dumb in my opinion. There shouldn't be societal based expectations like that.


Absolutely not. I make it quite clear that I won't do anything I don't want to do just because the guy wanted to be "generous".


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Hey you got no job so plenty of time to do what you want unlike me, you're way ahead of me. Also have friends, girls like guys with friends.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I don't know about other guys, but to me, it's a huge turn off if a girl has expectations or prerequisites on men such as doesn't live with parents, has his own car, if she herself doesn't have those things. Had ample dating experience, etc. Like seriously?--We got along and I fought hard mentally to connect with you and build a friendship/rapport and ask you out but now you look down on me for not having material things you yourself don't even have? It's kinda very disheartening and I lose the motivation to ask for a second date. :frown2:

The last girl I dated lives with her parents, has a child, makes a little bit less than me, she gets paid more hourly but I get more hours a year. She only has her learner's even though she's mid 20s and doesn't own a car, she loves shopping and watching netflix. Outgoing personality.

Before when I asked her out, I had to borrow my mom's car cause I didn't have my own car at the time, I do now finally after saving a crap ton of money over three years but I didn't care to wait, I didn't want to run the risk of her losing interest after making her laugh, yet I was honest about my car and living situation. Me and my bro still live with our mother, we don't have to, she is very ill and we want to. We both do our own chores, laundry and feed ourselves, pay our own bills. Each of us makes like around 17k-20k a year, that's not much money at all but it's on par or more with most of the girls around us, who seem to live with parent/s as well, roommate in a crappy part of town, are in debt, etc. My brother is very outgoing and social but he his content and happy and claims he has given up on dating period. Me? I'm still naive and hoping I could somehow make it work with someone but I'm not actively flirting with girls, I just contemplate life and try to improve myself until I have more confidence again. If I liked a girl and she liked me, I'd obviously give her a chance but that hasn't happened in like a year now.

I often wonder if I was a girl if I would hold out for a guy in his 30s who had his stuff together, so perhaps I can't criticize too much and honestly I do see many guys hit on girls, then disrespect them behind their backs---but I'm not one of these men far from it. Yet I'm often lopped in the same category of men due to my indifferent nature and demeanor. I don't know but it matters not, I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't genuinely appreciate me for my personality and potential, but rather what material things I could offer them now. Y'know if you did meet a guy who's in a similar situation as you, makes around 20k or so and has a car, yet lived with parents, you could theoretically choose a new place with him and combine your strengths?

I'm fine with the requirements being:

a) He has a job
b) He's hygienic 
c) Decent Personality
d) attractive to you
e) Ambitious and is working for a better life

This is just my personal opinion but any other shallow reasons such as must have this material stuff, be this race, this height, (well I guess those last two fall under the lines of preference and attraction but I think you shouldn't limit yourself too much if you both can laugh together and you yourself are lonely, you never know) etc. Well people like that irk me because I've felt like I've been looked down upon my entire life even by people who aren't working as hard as me or just as hard. I understand everyone has preferences yet please don't be rude and tell me to my face that's why, I prefer to be white lied and told we just didn't have chemistry. I can't tell you how many times some girl made me feel inferior over some trait I had that was beyond my control, oof right in dem feels. I consider it dodging a bullet, yet nowadays it seems both men and women don't even trust each other anymore, there are very few genuine *people* these days.

The only way I can counteract this is to increase the pool of people I meet.
That essentially means I have to cure or manage my SA first to the point I can meet countless people and see for myself each and every person in my life if I could see something happening and would it be worth trying even if I got my heart broke? So when guys like me read online certain prerequisites from girls around our age or in a situation similar to our own, I can't help but think of the hypocrisy of it all--I don't mean to offend, I could be wrong here and perhaps if I was in your shoes I'd be that way too? I'll never know. I'm just saying I hope you don't tell men irl these requirements cause lets just say hypothetically you connected with a guy who was amazing and clicked yet he still lived with his parents, he was preoccupied finishing his degree and still job searching for better aspects. You tell him such and such and he finally gives up chasing you and settles for friendship or acquaintances. You eventually meet again in the future and he makes 50k-70k a year, has his own place. However guess what, he remembers, yes remembers what you said to him back then. Do you see what I'm getting at here? Perhaps it's best to try to remain open minded about these things and consider an individuals specific situation. Do you know why he is the way he is? Is it similar to you? Is he working hard to eventually fix these problems or just breaking even day by day? There is a difference is all I'm saying and I hope you at the very least, consider this once in awhile if some guy expresses interest in you. Double standards, meh. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, I merely stated my own.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

pantonals said:


> In today's society it's quite hard to live on your own unless you have a really good paying job. Right now I'm living with my parents, but I have a job and a car and school is about to start in the Fall. In the past, my parents basically told me if I wasn't going to school, I need to find a job and move out - which I did. If someone was older than me and they didn't have a job or they had trouble driving a car, it would make things really difficult because how could we do anything? *I hate to be the person that has to pick someone up and drive them around or be the one that has to pay for everything*. I also hate living with parents because I don't have the option to bring someone home. If the guy had a place of his own, that would be a major plus, but not being able to do anything without being in public would get on my nerves after a while.


I hope you wake up everyday and praise your respective diety - if you have one - that you weren't born male then :wink2: Because this is still modus operandi a lot of the time here in the West for guys and even more so over your way in America where it's so commonplace it's practically legislation.

Now, I hate to bring something related to Feminism into this (mainly because threads can get volatile when it's brought up on here) but in this case it really does seem relevant. For all the flak that Sweden gets; "oh it's the Feminist apocalypse over there" etc. They really have made things equal; they don't have dates there, you hang out with someone and you pay your own bill even when there's romantic interest.






I have to applaud them. Because Feminists in other Western countries still cling on to this perk (amongst other things) but claim to want equality. Feminism is great in that it aims to get rid of the disadvantages that society has rightly or wrongly placed onto women -- but, without equalization in a more general sense(like in Sweden in this case), after a point Feminism simply becomes a female supremacy movement.

/drops mic


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> so you need a guy to support you? That's a requirement?


Well, I'm straight, so he has to be a guy :yes

I don't want to be that dependent on someone supporting me, but as a pessimist looking for someone to start a life with, I need him to be self sustainable.
Also I like playing house. It feels like life can get back on track again sometime in the future.

If I were to date someone who lives at home because he can't get a job. I'd worry about his unemployment as well, and my partial unemployment is exhausting enough. I like being able to just pork on the couch with no worries about a parent walking in on us, I like feeling like I'm a little more than just a guest at someone's house, I like not being judged by more than one person at a time, and I want kids one day (far off when unicorns are real and we both have full time jobs). I want them to not have to live with the grandparents, not because that would be terrible for them, but at the same time.. I feel like kids are supposed to have their own bedroom.. I just can't see this happening if both are unemployed. It's literally impossible to see that bright a light ahead. There just has to be at least like a hint of a light there. And I'm sorry, but I just don't get that feeling with people who are unemployed.
I know it's "wrong" of me to think this way. But it's just my personal opinion on dating. My life. My rules. Why should anyone even care? Op asked a question, nobody replied so I figured something was better than nothing. As simple as that.


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## pantonals (Oct 9, 2014)

Paper Samurai said:


> I hope you wake up everyday and praise your respective diety - if you have one - that you weren't born male then :wink2: Because this is still modus operandi a lot of the time here in the West for guys and even more so over your way in America where it's so commonplace it's practically legislation.
> 
> Now, I hate to bring something related to Feminism into this (mainly because threads can get volatile when it's brought up on here) but in this case it really does seem relevant. For all the flak that Sweden gets; "oh it's the Feminist apocalypse over there" etc. They really have made things equal; they don't have dates there, you hang out with someone and you pay your own bill even when there's romantic interest.
> 
> ...


I feel like I'm being misunderstood or I'm not properly explaining my thoughts. But normally when I'm going on a date, we meet somewhere - I typically don't like it when guys offer to pick me up so if a guy didn't have a car or could drive, then that makes things a bit difficult - having to pick him up plus the additional gas money if they're not on the way.

When I'm going out with a friend, we usually pay for our own things but I do recognize that American society pins the expenses on men more. It's what we were taught - the man picks you up for dinner, pays and then drops you off. Classic dates are becoming rare nowadays because everyone has their own struggles or their own interpretation of how a date should go.

To be completely honest, I don't like accepting a lot of generosity because I don't want the guy to think I'm taking advantage of him - because there are a lot of females that expect the man to pay for everything. There have been dates where we have alternated - one pays for the tab one date, the other the next and so forth.

However, if I'm with someone who has no job, no car - then I feel like I'm pulling most of the weight and it doesn't seem fair. That's just my opinion and others may disagree with it.


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## Dehabilitated (May 31, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> Well, I'm straight, so he has to be a guy :yes
> 
> I don't want to be that dependent on someone supporting me, but as a pessimist looking for someone to start a life with, I need him to be self sustainable.
> Also I like playing house. It feels like life can get back on track again sometime in the future.
> ...


Hey, no, you're not wrong. You're actually being very smart and thinking of your future. That's the reality of life, people need to eat. If you can't manage to make enough money to be independent on your own then you're either living off your parents, or living off your partner.... since you want to live with a partner anyway the latter is a much better option. Don't let them make you feel guilty about thinking realistically about your life just because of their insecurity.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

The vast majority of women would run away from you, because you sound like a manchild. There are few (but still some) women who would date you. No offense.

Anyways, screw dating. Be happy that you're unemployed. That is sacred bro.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Skeletra said:


> Well, I'm straight, so he has to be a guy :yes
> 
> I don't want to be that dependent on someone supporting me, but as a pessimist looking for someone to start a life with, I need him to be self sustainable.
> Also I like playing house. It feels like life can get back on track again sometime in the future.
> ...


I get that it's your preference and you can find guys who have that traditional view I guess. It just would be good if other women (because I'm in your situation,) would put themselves into guys shoes now and then. Imagine if nobody would date you because you still live with your parents or because you only work part time?


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Attraction does not originate out of a bullet list like you're ordering off a restaurant menu.

It *just happens*.

Questions like this are a total waste of time and thought because the answer is always the same: *It varies*.

And on top of that, you'll find a lot that people violate their own "rules" in partner selection, anyway.

Take your mind off this noise; your mental energy is better spent on other issues.


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## Mentalhead (Oct 7, 2011)

Imbored21 said:


> The vast majority of women would run away from you, because you sound like a manchild. There are few (but still some) women who would date you. No offense.
> 
> Anyways, screw dating. Be happy that you're unemployed. That is sacred bro.


Yeah, I think so too, lol . No offense taken, I am a geeky manchild so it's all good.


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## Dehabilitated (May 31, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> Edit: sorry, can't delete stupid post on the phone


Your post wasn't stupid, I'm sorry you're being made to feel so bad about your preferences or defending yourself. You don't want your family to have to support you, a partner, and a kid. No one should be offended by you saying that.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> Well, I'm straight, so he has to be a guy :yes
> 
> I don't want to be that dependent on someone supporting me, but as a pessimist looking for someone to start a life with, I need him to be self sustainable.
> Also I like playing house. It feels like life can get back on track again sometime in the future.
> ...


As long as you're offering them something, I don't see the harm at all in your desired arrangement. If they're at work and you're at home, you offer to clean their place a bit, run errands, make dinner sometimes. If anyone has a problem with that then they're obviously projecting something onto you.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I get that it's your preference and you can find guys who have that traditional view I guess. It just would be good if other women (because I'm in your situation,) would put themselves into guys shoes now and then. Imagine if nobody would date you because you still live with your parents or because you only work part time?


Women offer things to men and men offer things to women. The sexes are not exactly the same. men and women still get judged differently in society. Best get over it and quit whining about women who like playing the housewife and the men who want them and worry about yourself?


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Dickjohnson said:


> As long as you're offering them something, I don't see the harm at all in your desired arrangement. If they're at work and you're at home, you offer to clean their place a bit, run errands, make dinner sometimes. If anyone has a problem with that then they're obviously projecting something onto you.


Well, ideally both should have full time jobs, even after having kids.
I never said that the woman has to slave away and the man has to earn the money.

Putting back something similar to what I said in the post I deleted.
At least one partner has to have a job. The one that doesn't can stay home and desperately look for another job, plus do most of the chores. That automatically comes with being home alone for an extended time of the day.
The one with the money doesn't have to be a man. The gold sucking parasite doesn't have to be a woman.
As long as one person has enough to be independent. Then we're already halfway where I want to be. I'm a pessimist. I hardly ever see light in the future. I find it hard to believe in positive changes. Being halfway there is like a hint of a light that there might be a better future some time far ahead.
If I, the woman, had a full time job and lived alone, I'd be ok with dating a man who doesn't. As long as he spends time daily trying to get a job.

I don't want to come off as someone who says "hurr durr women belong in the kitchen, men bring home money. Woman stay home with kids, man is important durr duuuurp". That is not at all what I mean.
I just happen to be a woman and I just happen to be the parasite.


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## Dehabilitated (May 31, 2015)

Dickjohnson said:


> As long as you're offering them something, I don't see the harm at all in your desired arrangement. If they're at work and you're at home, you offer to clean their place a bit, run errands, make dinner sometimes.* If anyone has a problem with that then they're obviously projecting something onto you.*


Yeah. I think a lot of people have a set way of viewing the world and struggle to see it from anyone else's perspective. This is one of the rare times that the explanation is in a thread right on the same page. That's fine, I just wish people wouldn't so aggressively try to make others feel guilty for not living up to their own standards they have for themselves.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Dehabilitated said:


> Yeah. I think a lot of people have a set way of viewing the world and struggle to see it from anyone else's perspective. This is one of the rare times that the explanation is in a thread right on the same page. That's fine, I just wish people wouldn't so aggressively try to make others feel guilty for not living up to their own standards they have for themselves.


Oh my god will you stop? I'm not even trying to make anyone feel guilty. I'm just pointing out a double standard in that if you refuse to date people who are at the same place in life you are, that's pretty hypocritical and a guy would not get away with that kind of thing. He'd get a ton of crap for admitting to have similar expectations if he had no job etc. I'm not sure everyone is really aware of that, which is why I pointed it out.

Whatever though.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Dehabilitated said:


> Yeah. I think a lot of people have a set way of viewing the world and struggle to see it from anyone else's perspective. This is one of the rare times that the explanation is in a thread right on the same page. That's fine, I just wish people wouldn't so aggressively try to make others feel guilty for not living up to their own standards they have for themselves.


I'm not sure if you are willingly deluding yourself or have you entirely missed what the point being made was?

Skeletra (who I'm glad is being honest) states that she only works part time and doesn't own her own apartment, but she wants any potential partner to be better than her on both counts. Now look, this is socially acceptable for women to do and I don't think anyone in this thread is saying _not _to do so. But if someone were to coldly analyse this without any kind of bias - it is slightly hypocritical when you really think about it. That's the only point being made here.


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## Dehabilitated (May 31, 2015)

"A woman expressed a preference that involves money? Lets shame the **** out of her until she feels guilty and insecure about her relationship. Oh wait, she already says she feels bad out that? Time to dig even harder and call her a hypocrite! It's alright because if she was a man this is how other rude people might treat her."


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Dehabilitated said:


> "A woman expressed a preference that involves money? Lets shame the **** out of her until she feels guilty and insecure about her relationship. Oh wait, she already says she feels bad out that? Time to dig even harder and call her a hypocrite!"


Err, you've gone to the most extreme interpretation that's possible. No one is shaming anyone; we are discussing ideas here not people. It's not helpful in these types of discussions to take things personally - even when the topic is related to something you do.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Are you in school or looking for work? That will go a long way in helping out with your dating. You don't have to be perfect, a lot of times just working towards your goal and her being able to see you put in so much effort is enough.


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## Mentalhead (Oct 7, 2011)

Jesuszilla said:


> Are you in school or looking for work? That will go a long way in helping out with your dating. You don't have to be perfect, a lot of times just working towards your goal and her being able to see you put in so much effort is enough.


Yes, I'm looking for work at the moment, I don't really plan to stay jobless.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> What's with the smily face? Don't be one of those people.


Ok, and for you-maybe don't be one of those people who projects their own desires onto others? What does it matter to you if a guy has a steadier job and makes more money than the girl in a relationship? Why do you care? If a guy with a steady job that makes good money were to meet a girl he really likes and enjoys spending time with, but she happens to not have a steady job or income, why is that so terrible? As long as she gives work to the relationship and helps the guy with stuff that maybe he doesn't want to do, like cleaning or errands while she is at home. I don't understand your harsh judgment of the situation.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Dehabilitated said:


> "A woman expressed a preference that involves money? Lets shame the **** out of her until she feels guilty and insecure about her relationship. Oh wait, she already says she feels bad out that? Time to dig even harder and call her a hypocrite! It's alright because if she was a man this is how other rude people might treat her."


A lot of people on this forum are underpaid and overworked due to SA, working minimum wage jobs, so when they see a woman who wants a guy that makes more money than her, it causes some personal distress and feelings of inadequacy in themselves, so they argue. When it comes down to it, it doesn't affect them at all, and they shouldn't take it personally, but they do.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> Well, ideally both should have full time jobs, even after having kids.
> I never said that the woman has to slave away and the man has to earn the money.
> 
> Putting back something similar to what I said in the post I deleted.
> ...


It's not ideal for both parents to have full time jobs when your children are growing up, especially when they're very young and need a lot of attention. I know a lot of people do it, and that's fine and good. But I personally do not think it is ideal.

1. You miss out on your children growing up.

2. Having a full time job + taking care of children is very stressful and tiring.

3. You have to pay for sitters, nannies, or daycare. This all costs money. So depending on salary, it may be financially beneficial for one of the parents to stay home rather than have both parents work. Depends.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Dickjohnson said:


> It's not ideal for both parents to have full time jobs when your children are growing up, especially when they're very young and need a lot of attention. I know a lot of people do it, and that's fine and good. But I personally do not think it is ideal.
> 
> 1. You miss out on your children growing up.
> 
> ...


1. Full time jobs are typically 8 hours. You can't miss everything the remaining hours.
2. Yes I know. But it's also safe. The extra stress and depression of not having a job would be unbearable, because it affects their future as well as mine and the other parent.
3. Add Schools, college, kindergarten, school supplies, house big enough for the kids to have their own bedrooms, vaccines, toys, candy, clothes that won't get them bullied (yes I realise they will get bullied anyway, but it shouldn't be for food or clothes), cat things (food, candy, litter, vaccines, cats emergency buffer), football practice or whatever extra thing they want to attend, and an emergency buffer in case of fire, accidents or anything? And this isn't even everything. How do you pay for all that with only one worker in the house?



Paper Samurai said:


> Skeletra (who I'm glad is being honest) states that she only works part time and doesn't own her own apartment, but she wants any potential partner to be better than her on both counts. Now look, this is socially acceptable for women to do and I don't think anyone in this thread is saying _not _to do so. But if someone were to coldly analyse this without any kind of bias - it is slightly hypocritical when you really think about it. That's the only point being made here.


Yeah. Totally feels socially acceptable.
Let's just say, I learned my lesson and I'll try to be more careful about my honesty in the future. It's clearly not acceptable at all. For either sex.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

The key is having ambition imo and of the girls I've been close to and discussed this aspect of life with, it's where the guy is aiming to go which is more important than where he is. As long as you have goals and are working towards achieving them then your chances improve significantly.


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## Mentalhead (Oct 7, 2011)

I don't want to be that guy, but I kinda feel that this topic is going into a wrong direction.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> 1. Full time jobs are typically 8 hours. You can't miss everything the remaining hours.
> 2. Yes I know. But it's also safe. The extra stress and depression of not having a job would be unbearable, because it affects their future as well as mine and the other parent.
> 3. Add Schools, college, kindergarten, school supplies, house big enough for the kids to have their own bedrooms, vaccines, toys, candy, clothes that won't get them bullied (yes I realise they will get bullied anyway, but it shouldn't be for food or clothes), cat things (food, candy, litter, vaccines, cats emergency buffer), football practice or whatever extra thing they want to attend, and an emergency buffer in case of fire, accidents or anything? And this isn't even everything. How do you pay for all that with only one worker in the house?
> 
> ...


Well that is why I said "when they're young". So before they enter kindergarten, and they are not old enough to attend school, it can benefit the household to have a Stay at home parent. When they go into school, then both parents working is usually ideal at that point.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Dehabilitated said:


> Staff Edit


what? I'm confused. Who is "she"? Atonal..Who the - is that? Maybe I missed something, but that's not what I was talking about. I was strictly talking about the people that argued against skeltra in THIS thread here.

If these people are that concerned over a woman preferring to date a man with a well paid job, then they're obviously feeling inadequate or something is going on with that. They don't know her or her boyfriend.

If a guy works full time and he wants a girl who works full time, that's their desire, but they shouldn't care if some girl is wanting a man to support her. Our society still puts men and women in certain roles and it is stupid when people act like men and women are completely equal in society's eyes, because they're not.

Men still hold higher positions and a man is more likely to be promoted than a woman in most countries. I don't know the exact numbers, but the majority of owners, managers, presidents, chairs of companies, businesses are men, (even though plenty of women apply for these positions). So, the majority of high paid positions are men. That will not change any time soon.

Since we're on a social anxiety forum, a lot of males on here aren't the average male, so they are less likely to get promoted and less likely to hold jobs of high position, so the guys on here tend to get mad when they hear a girl wants a guy who has a well paid job. It's a natural fear response. They feel inadequate.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Dickjohnson said:


> what? I'm confused. Who is "she"? Atonal..Who the - is that? Maybe I missed something, but that's not what I was talking about. I was strictly talking about the people that argued against skeltra in THIS thread here.
> 
> If these people are that concerned over a woman preferring to date a man with a well paid job, then they're obviously feeling inadequate or something is going on with that. They don't know her or her boyfriend.
> 
> ...


_Removed_

I don't care if a woman dates a man with a well paid job. I think it's a bit odd to make it a _requirement _ that someone have a better job and their own home if you don't, that's all.

And once again I have actually criticised men for saying similar things on this forum in the past.


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## Dickjohnson (May 31, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't care if a woman dates a man with a well paid job. I think it's a bit odd to make it a _requirement _ that someone have a better job and their own home if you don't, that's all.
> 
> And once again I have actually criticised men for saying similar things on this forum in the past.


What did she say about you that was incorrect? Well. You failed to address part of my post that was important. Men still hold higher positions than women. So for a woman to stay home and tend to the home while the man works, sometimes it is an ideal arrangement and makes both people happy. There are women who work their whole lives but don't receive the same respect as men in their jobs and don't get promoted. I would not blame such women for wanting to stay home and care for her children rather than deal with ****ty office politics where men are seen as the leaders. I don't expect a lot of people on this forum to understand the structure of the typical workplace, because a lot of people on this forum work in minimum wage jobs or they receive government assistance and they never experience the politics of many workplaces.


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## StaceyLaine14 (Apr 11, 2015)

Mentalhead said:


> I admit, I'm having a self-confidence crisis a bit, and I was wondering if girls on SAS or any other "normal" (not into normal girls to be honest) girls would be interested in a guy like me.
> 
> I'm not looking for a date, a friend, or pity, I would just like to know, yes or no and why.
> 
> ...


Pros:
1) Age
2) Country boy from small town (I can't say I'm a country girl, but I bet my hometown in rural Texas is smaller than yours. I've always been attracted to the men here, even if I don't fit in.)
3) Misanthropic (Same. To a concerning degree.)
4) Has friends
5) Cold towards people you don't know (I'm not. But it reminds me of an online friend of mine.)
6) Not fuzzy/like to make people feel good (Interesting combination. As long as you can learn to be open with a girlfriend, I don't see this as a con)
7) Likes animals
8) Not emotionally open? (I've been told I'm not as well. I have no problems doing what you've done in this post, which skirts talking about your emotions at times. I'm not sure exactly how that differs from being emotionally open. It's probably more of an issue face-to-face than through text for me. SA.)
9) Cartoon Network!
10) Mature manchild (I could kind of fall into the same category. Only I'm also very naive, so it's difficult to call me mature. I generally conduct myself in a mature way.)
11) Morbid and crude
12) Psychology (because it interests me)
13) Science and history (because I respect the fields, but don't have much interest in them. People I gravitate toward are mostly science/history nerds.)
14) Friends don't understand you (Interesting. Can relate.)
15) Nice but kind of weird (I think I can guess what "kind of weird" means in this case, and I think that just comes from being genuine more than anything else.)
16) (Some positive things that aren't explicitly mentioned, but are evident in your post) 
Self aware
Intelligent
Lucid
Levelheaded 
Honest
17) Nerd (I'm not passionate about anything really, so people with interests are good for me.)

Neutral: 
1) Walking Dead (Zombies are a major phobia of mine. I'm sure the show is great. I just couldn't discuss it with you.)

Cons:
1) Don't go out
2) Live at home
3) Unemployed
4) Barely drive
5) Disney (Way passed its prime, haha. If you'd care to discuss Disney circa 2004-2008 or so, I couldn't be more ecstatic)

As I think I've told you before, you really remind me of a long-distance friend of mine. I had a crush on him at one point, so I could see something similar happening between us. I don't really date. But I could see us potentially becoming good friends, and I tend to have sex with my good friends. But as far as romance goes, likely not. Even if I were into monogamous, committed relationships, you living at home would make things difficult because I also live at home and privacy is essential. I don't have a license, so one of us would have to work on our driving skills, and I'd prefer it be you. Physical attraction may also be an issue as well.

As far as "normal people" go, I think it would be difficult for you to find a girlfriend in your area if it's anything like mine. I went to school in a large city, and have found some people I'm more compatible with there. The friend you remind me of met the girl he plans to marry on omegle. She moved from out of state to live with him and his parents. She has severe anxiety, but they have tons in common and really love each other.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Skeletra said:


> Yeah. Totally feels socially acceptable.
> Let's just say, I learned my lesson and I'll try to be more careful about my honesty in the future. It's clearly not acceptable at all. For either sex.


Don't worry too much about it. Everyone has a few personal beliefs or ideas that conflict with one another. Having them discussed is what actually helps an individual get a better perspective on things or whether to update their current thinking.

I still don't know why some in here are slinging mud on this topic though. No one 'is' the things that they do, so why personally identify with it when it's under discussion...


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

@*Mentalhead* Staceylaine14 is proof that being yourself with pride while putting yourself out there will lead to potential beings. 

@*StaceyLaine14* I read somewhere that he's trying to find a job now.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

The "not having a job" thing.

I can't speak for anyone else, but here's why it's unattractive to me, personally.

It's not the lack of job and money that bothers me. It's the lack of ambition and passion that often goes along with it. If you live with your parents, and you're unemployed, what do you do with your time? An endless cycle of cartoons, porn, and videogames, with no apparent inclination to apply oneself in any meaningful endeavor beyond a few half-hearted attempts at developing an interest in something is a perpetual childhood, and it's hard, as an adult, to be attracted to someone who still behaves like an adolescent. I can sympathize with such a person, and even be friends with them, but I'm not going to feel romantic interest in them.

There's nothing wrong, imo, with liking Disney movies or videogames or having a crude sense of humor as an adult, as long as it's balanced with some genuine passion, some strong desire to make something of oneself, whether that's raising a family or painting in your studio.

Talking about your hobbies gets boring fast; it's not a strong basis for a relationship. People who are driven to improve themselves are interesting; people who prefer to remain just as they are, indulging themselves, are not. Having a job is the most common way that people improve themselves, but I would have no problem dating an unemployed man who lived with his parents if I saw that he was creative and passionate and striving for something. I would date a penniless artist or a musician, but I wouldn't date a man-child. Without growth, the relationship is just a sort of purgatory, and in that case, it's better to be single.

All of my comments apply to women as well.


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## Dehabilitated (May 31, 2015)

Dickjohnson said:


> what? I'm confused. *Who is "she"? Atonal..Who the - is that?* Maybe I missed something, but that's not what I was talking about. I was strictly talking about the people that argued against skeltra in THIS thread here.
> 
> If these people are that concerned over a woman preferring to date a man with a well paid job, then they're obviously feeling inadequate or something is going on with that. They don't know her or her boyfriend.
> 
> Since we're on a social anxiety forum, a lot of males on here aren't the average male, so they are less likely to get promoted and less likely to hold jobs of high position, *so the guys on here tend to get mad when they hear a girl wants a guy who has a well paid job*. It's a natural fear response. They feel inadequate.


_Removed_


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> Don't worry too much about it. Everyone has a few personal beliefs or ideas that conflict with one another. Having them discussed is what actually helps an individual get a better perspective on things or whether to update their current thinking.
> 
> I still don't know why some in here are slinging mud on this topic though. No one 'is' the things that they do, so why personally identify with it when it's under discussion...


I kind of feel like I was seen as one of those people who say women should stay home and men should work. I just want to make clear that it's not at all that. If I had the job, I'd be ok with dating someone who doesn't.
I also feel like people were/are judge me for wanting a partner with money. The money being the main reason, but for me it's more about the future. We live in a capitalistic and material world and money are more than a survival necessity if you want a good, happy life, and as a pessimist I need to see some signs of it to feel like I can ever get a bright future. I don't deserve it. I'm not even capable of imagining more than 1 positive change happening 10 years ahead. Go figure 3 or 4. It just seems as unrealistic as the government starting a fluffy unicorn farm.

And also as a maladaptive perfectionist with GAD I'm generally very insecure about pretty much everything I say and do, so.. sorry if I overreacted. I get a bit sensitive to critique and easily take things a little personally.
(don't worry guys, this is my last post in this thread, I just feel like I should explain myself (again), like I'm not being understood properly, it doesn't matter anymore though)


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## RuNNer90 (May 26, 2015)

Hey mentalhead do you like new Powerpuff Girls on Cartoon Network? =D


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