# Online friend wants to commit suicide because of me



## SpiritOfTheDawn (Feb 11, 2014)

So the other day I had to cancel some rather big plans with an online friend for the sake of both of us. But now he's threatening to commit suicide due to that and he's even set a day and everything. I myself cannot even begin to understand why he'd want to commit suicide over this, I mean it was a really big thing I had to cancel, but still. And I had no choice pretty much. There's no way I can rekindle the plans either. I'm kinda thinking he's just joking, but at the same time I know he does already have some mental issues which could actually contribute to this, and the environment he lives in isn't exactly perfect either. Since we aren't even in the same country, there is no plausible way I can physically help him. His set day is coming soon and I don't want to risk it actually being his last. I've already tried to talk him out of it but he's not listening. I have no idea what to say or do. But I know I just can't sit here silent either.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

oh god, okay.
first off it is INCREDIBLY emotionally manipulative to threaten suicide just to get what you want or just because something didn't work out your way.

it's really not your fault that he's threatening this and if i were you i would get away from this friendship asap. 
if you can, maybe contact some family members or friends that are near him, and then walk. away. for your own well being.

you're also just sixteen years old so it could be some creep trying to manipulate you into something.
protect yourself first and foremost, even if it means not knowing if he'll actually do it on the set date or not.


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## JohnDoe26 (Jun 6, 2012)

Does your friend by any chance have Borderline Personality Disorder and does he do this sort of thing a lot (guilt tripping you or going off on you)? 

I know you want to be compassionate but I second what regimes said, this is extremely manipulative of him. I would try to contact someone he knows, or encourage him as much as you can to get help. But I would also seriously consider distancing yourself from him. Don't fall into the trap of trying to play the savior.


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## SpiritOfTheDawn (Feb 11, 2014)

I've actually seen him before(on video) and I can confirm he is actually around my age. But refferring to what JohnDoe26 said, now that I think back on it, he does actually do this sort of thing a lot(won't really go into detail). He does however seem to have a hard time understanding that I can't give all my time to him, and that I need to spend time with other people too. One thing he does is repeatedly calls me on Skype and Steam, sometimes throughout the day until I respond back(as in 10+ calls in an hour sometimes). Muting both Skype and Steam I find myself having to do a lot because I can't go offline since I may be doing something with another online friend. Despite all this though, I know two problems he told me he has is OCD and ADHD, and that that's the reason for the behaviour. I think he's been trying to work on his problems. And as for BPD, he may have it... not sure. I've already had numerous talks to him though about stopping the endless calling thing, but I guess I'm just not firm enough :/

I realize this isn't neccesarily a healthy relationship, and at times I actually do want to end it, but I've honestly been afraid he'd threaten to do something, possibly to me, since he knows the relative area in which I live. He's in the US so it's actually kinda close... But of course, in this case, he's threatened to commit suicide. I don't know how to contact anyone who knows him in real life either so I can't really think of anything to do. I don't know how that would effect me if he actually did it, but I really don't want to find out.


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## nielsaris (Apr 30, 2016)

I am going to echo everyone else here but it is extremely manipulative for your friend to threaten suicide. It's a very unhealthy relationship, unfortunately as he does have some mental health issues suicide may be a real option for him.
Some people may disagree however, you can only help someone so much. If they are manipulating you and taking advantage of a situation like this you need help them by offering your best adive then having a heart to heart talk with them about how not wanting to be manipulated. If they do not respond well you may consier taking a big step back from the friendship. It is not okay to manipulate someone. Also it is never your responsibility if someone chooses suicide, we can only offer them guidance, a shoulder to cry on and someone for them to talk to.


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## SpiritOfTheDawn (Feb 11, 2014)

I have said everything I can think of and nothing seems to be getting through to him... He says the only thing that will convince him not to commit suicide is if I reignite the plans we had, which I cannot :/ I'm trying to keep in mind that if he does do it, then I did everything I reasonably could. Tomorrow is when he plans to do it so I guess I'll have to wait and see...


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Let him. Won't be your fault, and don't let yourself think it would be if it happened.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

SpiritOfTheDawn said:


> I have said everything I can think of and nothing seems to be getting through to him... He says the only thing that will convince him not to commit suicide is if I reignite the plans we had, which I cannot :/ I'm trying to keep in mind that if he does do it, then I did everything I reasonably could. Tomorrow is when he plans to do it so I guess I'll have to wait and see...


Looks like you're getting manipulated. The best thing you can do is tell him upfront, "Whatever you do is your decision for your own reasons. If you want to tell yourself I'm the reason, that's your choice but I don't feel in any way responsible".

Why "wait and see"? If i was you, I'd just cut him lose. If he was your friend, he wouldn't guilt-trip you in such a way. You care more about him a lot more than he does about you it seems. All of this btw is why I try avoiding online friendships where I can. Especially with the mentally unstable. Not saying they are bad people, but theres too much potential for it to prove not such a healthy relationship.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

SpiritOfTheDawn said:


> I know he does already have some mental issues which could actually contribute to this
> 
> there is no plausible way I can physically help him.


You've already answered your own question I think.

I agree with what the above poster said. Likely it's his way of trying to manipulate you or make you feel guilty. I won't bothered or even have him crossed you mind again.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Be straight. Tell him the raw true like a man "Look bro, I am aware of your OCD and ADHD and all the stuff, so that's why it does not bother me if you do like 10+ calls a day until I reply back, but you should understand too that sometimes I have to do other stuff, so don't behave like that, it's stupid, ok?. So ... are we cool ?"


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## SpiritOfTheDawn (Feb 11, 2014)

So the next day after he said he'd commit suicide, I looked on his Steam profile and noticed in his playtime history that he was playing a video game. I then waited a few days and kept checking his playtime and the results every time end up with him having been playing some video game. He was offline during this time but Steam still records your playtime to your friends and such, so considering his significantly lesser knowledge on how Steam works I can only assume he thought I would have no way of knowing what he was doing or whether he was dead or not. So that was it. I basically told him how his behaviour was unacceptable and we ended ties right there. I removed him on all platforms - Skype, Steam, and Kik. Thank you everyone for your advice... I can see that this was not a healthy relationship in the slightest. The only regret I have is that I didn't remove him earlier.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

SpiritOfTheDawn said:


> So the next day after he said he'd commit suicide, I looked on his Steam profile and noticed in his playtime history that he was playing a video game. I then waited a few days and kept checking his playtime and the results every time end up with him having been playing some video game. He was offline during this time but Steam still records your playtime to your friends and such, so considering his significantly lesser knowledge on how Steam works I can only assume he thought I would have no way of knowing what he was doing or whether he was dead or not. So that was it. I basically told him how his behaviour was unacceptable and we ended ties right there. I removed him on all platforms - Skype, Steam, and Kik. Thank you everyone for your advice... I can see that this was not a healthy relationship in the slightest. The only regret I have is that I didn't remove him earlier.


I'd have done the same thing.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

SpiritOfTheDawn said:


> So the next day after he said he'd commit suicide, I looked on his Steam profile and noticed in his playtime history that he was playing a video game. I then waited a few days and kept checking his playtime and the results every time end up with him having been playing some video game. He was offline during this time but Steam still records your playtime to your friends and such, so considering his significantly lesser knowledge on how Steam works I can only assume he thought I would have no way of knowing what he was doing or whether he was dead or not. So that was it. I basically told him how his behaviour was unacceptable and we ended ties right there. I removed him on all platforms - Skype, Steam, and Kik. Thank you everyone for your advice... I can see that this was not a healthy relationship in the slightest. The only regret I have is that I didn't remove him earlier.


Yah I hate people who waste your time, I had to cut off a friend as well..thank goodness the rest were real friends.. Anyway he was just manipulating you he had no intentions to go through with it. 
Just be careful with who u call your friend..online and in real life.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Blue Dino said:


> You've already answered your own question I think.
> 
> I agree with what the above poster said. Likely it's his way of trying to manipulate you or make you feel guilty. I won't bothered or even have him crossed you mind again.


15? :sus


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