# Anyone else NOT having a good college experience?



## pjnewt (Feb 11, 2013)

Everyone says college is supposed to be the best years of your life, but to me it seems like the worst. My grades are bad, havent made a single firend, and I cry sometimes at night. I get really lonely and I try to meet people but it seems like no one wants to be friends.


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## Nono441 (May 14, 2012)

*raises hand*


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## jc90 (Jun 24, 2013)

College is only fun if you're a **** up. Most of the fun things that happen in college you can do at home if you really wanted to. You're better off just studying hard to try and finish. Studying and graduating is what's going to get you through life. I'm still working on it.


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## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

jc90 said:


> College is only fun if you're a **** up. Most of the fun things that happen in college you can do at home if you really wanted to. You're better off just studying hard to try and finish. Studying and graduating is what's going to get you through life. I'm still working on it.


Yep.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

That's why i haven't gone to college.


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## CreamCheese (Jul 21, 2010)

yea. I'm almost done with college and it wasn't the best time ever. With that said, it wasn't the worst, there were def fun times, but I came in looking extra forward to making new friends and being involved with activities and I feel like I didn't get involved as much as I really wanted to. I'm kinda sad b/c I didn't make very many friends, def not lasting friendships, and even some of the friends I had I am no longer comfortable or good friends with. I went through a bit of an emotional period too last year after a friend attempted to harm herself. Things have not been the same since. Afterward, I became so used to staying at home, that my social anxiety has since worsened and I no longer really enjoy being around people as much anymore. I also find the process of making friends exhausting. I hope it will get better and I can get more enthusiastic about things, but I feel constantly exhausted and worried and it's not a good feeling. Keep your head up, you're not alone.


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## Icestorm (Mar 17, 2012)

Yeah, I'm on break from college at the moment, and it's not been the best experience. I only just about passed the first year grade wise, and I have not made a single friend.

It already seems like everybody in the class is friends with each other, apart from me who is just always sitting in the corner of the class being a complete mute. It's not like I haven't tried to be friends with them; I just have no idea how to. Not to mention that I freeze up the second somebody speaks to me and all I can do is stutter out a few words. :|

I did manage to have a few decent conversations with a girl sitting next to me. But, I don't think she's interested in being friends with me since she already has a social life outside of college. This is probably the case with most college students.

It's unfortunate, but try not to let it get you down too much. You're not alone.


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## The Misery Chick (Jun 30, 2013)

Hated college, all four years of it. Too "clique-y," not enough academic/job opportunities. Wish I hadn't enrolled in the first place.


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## NameNotTaken (Mar 4, 2013)

Mine's pretty bad. I did pretty well academically in my first year (3.9 GPA) but I have utterly failed socially. Made a few acquaintances (through someone from my old HS that also goes my college) I see every few weeks and not much else.


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Yeah, I looked forward to college only to be disappointed in it. Took me over four years to finish, graduated at the bottom of my class grade wise, and made no lasting friendships there and didn't go to any parties at all. Plus nothing I learned there was at all relevant in the real world.

But I am officially a college graduate and that's something at least I could say I achieved.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

I'd say that it's neutral. I'm doing well academically, but I don't talk to anyone. I never expected college to be the "best time of my life", though.


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## Tabris (Jul 14, 2013)

I've finished now, but my college experience wasn't great. I went through almost 5 years without to speaking to anyone or making any friends. It was a bit lonely.


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## LouAS (Jul 20, 2013)

My grades are incredible, but last semester was the worst time of my life. I went to parties and felt awkward, I pushed everyone away to eliminate risk of my depressive moods. 

The only times I felt good I had to spend studying, so I wasn't mentally capable of being that social. 

Now I've kind of given up, what's the point of going into med school if I keep feeling **** all the time. 

I would trade it all to be funny and enjoy a social life.


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## Silent Corner (Jul 8, 2013)

College for me has been better than any other type of schooling. I couldn't wait to get out of K-12. College has made me feel a lot better about myself even though I still have problems. I have more confidence. I don't have any friends though; not really sad about that. I actually made one friend but she's not at my college. I'm going away to university in the Fall but I want to change my perspective on friends,college life,etc. Join some clubs and get activate in school life because it's not something I would normally do.


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## Relz (Oct 31, 2011)

I hate college so much. I'm doing well academically but that's all I have going for me, both in college and in life itself. High school was better; even though I wasn't happy, I at least had people to talk to.

College people seem to be open to making friends in the first few months of freshman year and after that they're all set in their groups and aren't looking to meet anyone new. The only way to overcome that is if you have excellent social skills. Hell, the only way to make friends (even those first few semesters) is to have good social skills. People like us are f*cked from the beginning.



Black Dagger said:


> It already seems like everybody in the class is friends with each other, apart from me who is just always sitting in the corner of the class being a complete mute. It's not like I haven't tried to be friends with them; I just have no idea how to. Not to mention that I freeze up the second somebody speaks to me and all I can do is stutter out a few words. :|


This is the story of my life. Or my "college experience", anyway. The art program I'm in is really small and since I transferred in, everyone here already knows each other; they're all BFFs and I'm just the freak that everybody tries to forget exists.


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

Me. I haven't made any friends, my grades are average, and I can't get any work experience to supplement my degree, which means I'm going to face an uphill task landing a job when I graduate. I suppose I wouldn't mind the social side of things being so bad if the academic/career prep side was going well (or vice-versa) but _everything_ is going badly. And it's a vicious cycle. I struggle to find the motivation to study because the life I envisage after university doesn't seem worth the effort, and I don't feel worthy of relationships because I lack ambition and direction.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

Well I go to a community college at the moment, which is a totally different experience because there is no on-campus living, more than half of the students are older than the usual 18-21 year olds and a lot of people don't know each other, don't talk and go home immediately after class. Which sounds like an ideal college for people with SA, but it makes it a lot harder to meet people. 

My personal situation is this: I graduated high school at 19 with very bad grades, took 2 gap years, moved to the US, where I don't know anyone and am living on my own for the first time and just started college. I will be transferring to a proper 4 year university for my junior year, which i'm scared about because I'm not sure the ways in which it is different. I guess people will be younger and know eachother already. It might be possibly EVEN harder to meet people there, or easier, I don't know. But im also going to be like 26 by the time I graduate so I also have that to feel bad about...I feel scared because there is pressure in college to find your spouse and circle of friends, which im not sure is going to happen. 

I suppose I could blame my circumstances (so much moving around my whole life) but I also know that I am paying for my mistakes I made in high school and after high school (bad grades, doing drugs, wasting time doing nothing).

The only positive thing, which could also be looked at negatively, is, because the school is so full, only 16 units are allowed per semester. Which means I only take about 4 classes and its easier to study and pass all of them. Im only working on general ed though as I have no idea what I want to do or study, so there is that sense of 'no direction' thrown in the mix too. In terms of academics there is a lot more freedom than in high school, which I do enjoy. I sort of enjoy the independence feeling I get and the sense of accomplishment of getting a diploma if nothing else. At least you are taking the right step you should be, and not just relying on a minimum wage job for the rest of your life...

So what can we do? I feel like even high school was better than this. I actually did have some pretty crazy times from middle school to most of high school. Maybe ive already had my 'young and crazy times'. The only thing I can think of is get a job or join a club while school is going on. But I feel like that would just lead to more stress on top of studying. Finding ways to socialize seems like fun in retrospect but when you actually do it, all you feel is your SA and its not actually fun and it makes you feel like giving up. Plus the clubs at my school suck. Get this, there is a club for every single minority and almost nothing else! Its like literally white people cant join any clubs! lol

Anyways sorry for the huge message, but this sums up college life for me. No friends, no sex, no parties, no boyfriends, no drugs. Not that those things are the main things I was looking for, but they are the stereotype for the 'college experience'. I wish everyone would stop saying that. I get so pissed off at people who say college was the best time of their life. I bet there are a lot of people like us.


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## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

I don't even have the motivation to get good grades anymore. Used to be 4.0 for the first few years of college. Now I don't care anymore. If I get a job, it's gonna be based on past work experience or my creativity within my degree, not GPA. That being said, I'm not gonna just flunk out. I'm just learning to relax more about grades.

Although it's more apathy and depression talking.


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

Well, it's not as bad as high school, but if this is supposed to be the best time of your life, I should end myself. Good thing I don't believe in that.


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

My community college is only a ten minute drive away, so I just go to class and come home. Haven't made a single friend. Still living my folks, no job. Managed to fail a basic government class because I forgot one of the test dates. Dropped out of psychology 100 after getting three Fs on tests. If I can't get through basic f'ing psychology, how am I going to get through 5 chemistry classes? :no
I'm at home most of the day, and yet I'm so distracted by the internet, I can't focus on studying. I really need to get back on Concerta. Sigh.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

always starting over said:


> I don't even have the motivation to get good grades anymore. Used to be 4.0 for the first few years of college. Now I don't care anymore. If I get a job, it's gonna be based on past work experience or my creativity within my degree, not GPA. That being said, I'm not gonna just flunk out. I'm just learning to relax more about grades.
> 
> Although it's more apathy and depression talking.


Are you still in college? I feel like i'm the only almost-22 year old just starting college! Its either 18 year olds or much older people...


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

University is lonely as ****, you have to deal with seeing groups of friends and couples around you all the time. Oh, and I was cyberbullied during my first term by a prick and his group of friends for no reason.


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## messimee (Jul 23, 2013)

Yeah, crummy experience. Developing SA messed up my work ethic and direction, let alone my ability to connect to people. Right out of high school I set out to reconstruct myself. I became a pretty confident person on the surface, but haven't got my authenticity in communicating back. I was once the most outgoing kid and hardworking kid around... So it definitely sucks.


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## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

I graduate in december and i can tell you that i hated it. 
There was nothign good about it. 
Education is different in each country but this was just too easy, there was no challenge whatsoever. Socializing wasn't for me an option, they were younger than me (most of them are 21-22 and i'm 26) and being an introvert didn't made it easy on me. College is about partying and doing a lot of social stuff that i just can't handle!


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## jc90 (Jun 24, 2013)

College is only fun if you're one of those rich preppy kids who goes for the easiest degrees (BA in Art or Business) and just parties while taking blow off classes. I'm 23 and from my experience, that's what I've noticed. Universities have become a way for rich kids to party. If you really want an education, save money and go to a community college. That's all I've been doing.


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## T Studdly (Jul 20, 2013)

Grade wise: yes

Failed three classes first semester, I was to caught up in my depression to even attend the second semester.

Besides that I like college.


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## Xentrensvo (Jan 23, 2013)

Relz said:


> I hate college so much. I'm doing well academically but that's all I have going for me, both in college and in life itself. High school was better; even though I wasn't happy, I at least had people to talk to.
> 
> College people seem to be open to making friends in the first few months of freshman year and after that they're all set in their groups and aren't looking to meet anyone new. The only way to overcome that is if you have excellent social skills. Hell, the only way to make friends (even those first few semesters) is to have good social skills. *People like us are f*cked from the beginning.*
> 
> This is the story of my life. Or my "college experience", anyway. The art program I'm in is really small and since I transferred in, everyone here already knows each other; they're all BFFs and I'm just the freak that everybody tries to forget exists.


:ditto

For me, it's not just social skills that I'm lacking. It's the lack of a desire to make friends(introversion) that is the real problem. I did not have that desire from the start. I can be as social as I want, but there is no point being social if I do not want to as there is not point doing something that I do not like. I only make a decision if there is a benefit to making that decision.


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## numbnuts (Jul 25, 2013)

I haven't made any friends, just a few acquaintances. I got a first class for my first year so at least something is going well.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

Hi Valtron, alright what thats not good, but making time to study is a habit you need to form, and behavior problem you need to fix.

As for SA at school, I used to get it bad, big part of why I dropped out of university.
-walking around fat and sweaty out of breath
-not wanting to eat in public so starving instead, and being hungry adds stress
-then in general just not wanting to be seen or heard
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/members/valtron-244969/?


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## kylieky (Jul 4, 2012)

For some reason I thought my life would miraculously change when I got to college as far as a social life, but I guess the problem has always just been me, so it doesn't matter where I go. The only good thing, and probably most important, thing is that 2 years deep I have really good grades. Hopefully it will stay that way for upcoming Junior year.


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## cc1991 (Apr 23, 2013)

I haven't had the best college experience. There are many factors contributing to this that are actually personal and have nothing to do with academics (well not completely). Starting college was what led me to become more aware of my social anxiety. It's been an experience, but not something I can say has been wonderful. It's been...different. However, I'm still motivated to complete my education and have passions in life. That's what keeps me going. My dreams and helping others, not being popular or having a lot friends.


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## TrueAstralKnight (Jun 23, 2012)

I dropped out after two months. I had my bike seat stolen, used for homework and notes but never to hang out, and overall felt like crap the whole time.

College: Where social butterflies thrive and introverted cocoons go to die.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

college is pretty awful when you're lonely and have no motivation to do the work. Not sure if I want to go back next year. Maybe I should try summer school... I find it much worse during the winter months.


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## Trigo (Aug 3, 2012)

The classes keep me occupied and lessens my depression to some extent, but the social interaction is abysmal and the biggest disappointment since Diablo 3 (lol)

I was told people were super friendly and they'd all come talk to me etc yada yada... yeah sure, and when I try to make friends with them they might as well give me the finger, it would be the same result.

Makes you realize how lonely you can feel with so many people around you.


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## Greenleaf62 (Aug 1, 2013)

My college experience hasn't been the best, at least not when it comes to being social. I've made a few friends but we hardly ever do anything together. They're mainly just people that I talk with occasionally. I feel like it's hard to make friends because I never seem very open to conversation. Even when people do make an effort to talk to me I don't really have much to say. And things like going to the dining hall alone are difficult because it can get really crowded there and crowded places make me feel anxious.


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## Autumn26 (Aug 1, 2013)

Back when I was in high school, I was so excited for college/university life, thinking "Aww yeah, once I graduate EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE! I can finally break out of my shell!" 

Two years later, and nothing has really happened o_o My grades are good, but I can't say I've really made any friends. I still hang out with the few I had in high school and I feel so lame when I see all those old friends going out with the new ones they made in university. I really wish things could change for the better and I could find the courage to meet new people and join in on things without getting scared.


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## anonymouus (Aug 2, 2013)

Reading all these stories, it's scary! I'm graduating high school this June and I'm applying for college this upcoming October. I hate high school, and I'm hoping college is step up.


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## Billw (Aug 2, 2013)

I'm just finishing up my first year, and I can say it hasn't been all it's hyped up to being. My first semester; I did really good w/o working hard, and made the honor roll...but I failed my math class. I was taking liberal arts (easiest math in college) and didn't do some online homework because I din't know; so I got a D. Second semester, I made the dean's list; but didn't take the final for my liberal arts 2 class...like an idiot, and dropped one class. By me failing at that; it made me mad at myself, and depressed. I literally felt like doing nothing at all; I had wished I could sleep forever...but I couldn't. It was the dirtiest I've ever seen my room; I just couldn't manage to want to clean it. My mom urged me to clean it, to "clear up the clutter in my life" but it didn't help. Plus my friend was really going through it...she really opened up to me about life, and I empathized with her so much. But she went to a different school, I met her online. But as far as making friends IN college, at my university; I didn't. I mean, there were people whom I knew lived in the same college town as me from high school; but I really didn't feel like hanging out with them and going through that whole "how are the girls thing" because I haven't had sex in a year. And the girls whom I knew from high school always seemed to lose interest almost. They have their new friends, and they're new people. When I'm still somewhat the same kid from high school, just a little bit wiser. I was thinking; based on my cousins experiences where they're like "oh, you're going to get so much action your freshman year." But I haven't because I'm always aware of my surroundings, and even when nobody was around; I would have awkward moments, which discouraged me even more. I lived off campus, and my cousins are up there...so I felt the need to not need friends (I knew that would be a negative factor if I went to this school). People look at me weird at school...I'm a loner at my university. I get up, go to school, go home, go to sleep (repeat). But it all makes me feel like crap most of the time...I feel like dropping out half the time, because it's all a joke; like I never asked to go to college...or be born. When I do bad, it just eats away at me because it's real life school and I'm wasting time, and money. I'm currently taking two classes at a community college, but will go back to my university in the fall. They don't count toward my GPA, but I'm almost failing one...but I'm passing the other. I have one week left, and work to do...which feels like it's caving in on me. But my first year at new things never goes too well; I feel like a freshwater fish thrown into the ocean, so I'm hoping things will change.


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## Valac (Jul 13, 2012)

Some people have touched on it in previous posts, but If you are _there for the right reasons _College tends to suck. Regardless if you are a mundane with plenty of friends or one of us, the effort needed to do well can be very stressful at times.

I have good news to anyone going through it or soon starting it though. I just completed my freshman year without friends, a couple tears, and enough medication to OD a horse. The thing is though _I did it_. I spent my highschool years doing school online so if I can manage college life any of you certainly can. The first month or two is going to be hell on earth like you have never experienced, but you will learn to cope and to return to your old habits in due time. Hang in there.


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## byzantinedreams (Aug 3, 2013)

Yup, it's been pretty ****ty. First semester, I was left out from my door floor because I didn't like to drink, smoke, and party. Then I found a club and become involved with it with one friend from my first semester but then my self-esteem dropped. The reason is because my friend would get tons of attention and compliments and socialized where as everyone would ignore me or forget my name and just do things that made feel insignificant (this is happening to me a lot). I wasn't mad at her but didn't understand why I wasn't getting the slightest bit of attention. Wasn't there something positive about me? Well, I started to feel ever worse about my appearance, my skills, and just anything really. I ended up quitting the group/club because everyone in the group would hang out with each b/c they somehow had all this time to dedicate (where I had class) and this obviously brought them even closer together. I felt like an outsider and a loser. I don't talk or say hi to anyone in that group b/c I didn't build a decent relationship with anyone for them to understand how I felt and I honestly believe they could care less.Then, the next semester she started ignoring me and made new friends. Also another set of friends I made (they were from the first semester too) two of them would ignore me and not acknowledge anything said but basically praised anything she (friend from group) would say. Another friend asked if I wanted to come to an event and I said I'm on my way, when I arrived I asked where she was sitting and she said where she was sitting and that there were no seats. I asked if she could just bring a seat so I can sit by her but then she yelled at me and hung up. I didn't expect such a horrible response, she was the one who asked if I wanted to sit with her in the first place. She also seemed annoyed with me a few times before. So all those friendships went down the drain. It definitely hurt me since I've never experienced this in my life. I never had "friends" that did something like that to me in the past and I did not have a perfect childhood. Then I told my roommate some of what happened and she recommended that I go to this Christian group. I went and I was feeling happier but then I was also feeling left out there too because my knowledge of Christianity was lacking and my thinking was not on the same as their's. When I attended this conference for Christians to become deeper with their faith that's when I fully realized I'm not Christian. I can't force myself to believe in anything that I don't agree with, I can't force myself to believe in any religion. Then my roommate started to seriously get on my nerves because she was always concerned with what I was doing and when I was doing it so I could make room for bible study or community group. I felt suffocated and didn't know how to tell her because she was nice but also very pushy and nosy. I was also taking a foreign language where I suffered from embarrassment everyday and that's a whole other story that also made my college experience horrible. Also I don't have the best family, so whenever I see students with their parents and see how much love and caring there is that also makes me sad about my own life because that's something I deeply crave but know I will never get. I feel like this college experience has just been a time where everyone else's happiness and self-discovery is rubbed in my face. I just keep discovering more and more bad experiences :/ The sad thing is I had such a positive outlook before actually spending time in college.


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## vanilla90 (Jun 22, 2010)

It's been ok, the freedom is nice. The anxiety, not so nice.


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## alonebutnotlonely (Aug 5, 2013)

Yep! I have always thought that statement should be changed to "college is the WORST time of your life". For me it has been 100% sucky. The only reason I stayed (I'm about to graduate, thank God) is because statistically I'm more likely to land a decent-paying job if I have a degree. It annoys me so much how everyone thinks college is "fun" or "crazy" but for me it was just school. I was miserable 99% of the time to be honest... and I still am. I don't party because I'm too mature and introverted for that sort of nonsense. I don't do the whole sleeping around thing either. So basically I'm not a typical undergrad at all...


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## alonebutnotlonely (Aug 5, 2013)

Oh and I hated the student groups too... I tried like five of them and they all proved to be bad experiences. Everyone there acted like they HARDCORE didn't want me there. Every time I try to be social and interact with people, I get rejected which crushes me. Then I feel depressed and I want to avoid people at all costs for a long time. THENNNN I get frustrated with being alone and I think I want to be social again, and the process repeats itself. It's a vicious cycle. I need to stay away from people as much as possible to break the cycle . It makes me so sad how society expects us 20somethings to be extroverted social partiers but honestly that's not my personality whatsoever...


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## twistedlogic89 (Jul 13, 2013)

The beginning of college was so hard for me. I planned on sticking with the few friends I knew from high school but they all almost immediately branched off and made other friends and soon enough, were not returning any of my texts or calls. I felt completely alone and abandoned. I had a roommate who always had friends over and they were always going out together. That made me feel like even more of a loser. Sometimes on friday and saturday nights, I would go out to my car and just sit there so my roommate wouldn't think I was a friendless loser. Pretty sad huh? 
One day in one of my math classes, someone actually talked to me and then wanted to hang out with me afterwards. It was a freakin miracle. His roommate liked to throw parties too and that's how I got an in and actually made friends in college. I am a completely awkward social mute, so if I made a few friends there is hope for just about anyone


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