# I feel like I'm drowning and there's no way to save myself - long post



## LeTwistedMisfit (Jun 27, 2013)

Ever since I was in elementary school, I've had trouble making friends. I mean I wouldn't know what to say to others or how to hang out with them. I knew something was wrong with me for not being able to, I mean naturally little kids make friends easily right? I don't know why it was so awkard for me but it was. I guess I thought I'd grow out of it or tried to push away the fact that it might me a serious problem if I was having problems that young.

I guess it was better in middle school, but as the years went by it got pretty bad. I mean I was social enough to keep a friend or two through the years to get me through school and stuff, but I never made a real friend I could trust. I always had this thought in the back of my mind that if I didn't change the way things were going, things were going to go bad for me when I graduated. Really bad to the point of extreme depression.

I was completely right.

Here I am 20 years old, a year after having graduated high school and having done nothing with my time. Any social skills I may have had have probably disappeared in that time since I mostly stay at home. I only leave my house when I need to. I know people expect me to go out and make friends but I just feel like I can't meet anyone who will accept me and actually like me. I know how vicious people can be and I'm too fragile to go out and risk any heartbreak in order to find one.

I've tried talking to a therapist before but it's hard to talk to them. Since I clearly have trust issues, how do I know they're not judging me and thinking I'm a freak? They just sit there and stare at me and they don't offer any feedback. I know this is what some do to get you to figure out things yourself but it just feels like they're to stunned by my patheticness to respond or don't want to help because I'm a lost cause.

As for a doctor, all they can do is prescribe meds and I hate taking medicine. I feel like drugging me is taking the easy way out and it's not really helping me.

I'm sorry for the long post, it probably seems like random jumbled thoughts doesn't it? I just feel like I'm too young to be like this I just need someone to help me out...


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## brasin (Apr 24, 2013)

Wait... Relax and calm down.I am also a SA sufferer and it is horrible for me also .I also share the same kinda story like you but listen you must enjoy your life.You were born alone and will leave the world alone.Think about it , you have got one life and you have to live that preciously.As you don't have close friends don't worry i also didn't had any for my 20 years of life .As a starter you can start fresh and see how it goes also you can develop your talking and making friends skill by making some really close online friends that should get you started.If you want you can add me as a friend(for that pm me or reply).
Best of luck


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## ska7er96 (Jul 5, 2013)

join clubs in school thats how i meet people


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Most therapists are as much use as tits on a bull to me, and doctors are profiting from peoples misery, i really don't believe in the hoax that is psychiatric medication. Sorry don't have any positive advice.


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## Rottiz777 (Jul 7, 2013)

It's not because that you have trouble making friends, that you dont socialize enough, that you haven't made any real friend(s), that you have trust issues, how vicious people are. Problem here is you dont know the problem by yourself.

You dont appreciate yourself.

You find faults within yourself, you dwell on them, you feel incomplete, you try change yourself.

Would you do this to a friend?

Find faults within your friend and forget the good qualities, think they aren't good enough and try change them?

Then why do you treat yourself like this.

Do things to yourself like you would do to your significiant other.


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## el flaco (Sep 25, 2011)

LeTwistedMisfit said:


> Since I clearly have trust issues, how do I know they're not judging me...


I don't think you need to waste your time with therapy since you already know the reasons behind your distress. I can't really comment on the trust issues (I'm no psychoanalyst lol) but the feelings of judgement could be avoided when you first begin to accept who you are and then learn to accept the situations you find yourself in.

Once you become more comfortable with who you are etc then the feelings of judgement and scrutiny will recede. The only reason why you feel scrutinized by others is because you scrutinize and analyse yourself. Essentially you are projecting your negative feelings onto others and universalizing your personal standards. Learn to love yourself, learn to be comfortable in your own skin.


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