# Anyone else feel like a loser with a directionless life and no prospects?



## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

Turning 30 seemed like a huge milestone but I just realised I am now closer to turning 31 than still being 30. This is not far off half a lifetime and I feel like my life is going nowhere. 

I live 'at home', have no job or career prospects (several failed attempts at college, I'm looking for work but with so many years unemployed I am literally competing with school leavers for McJobs), no friends, little family (who are getting old and I'm acutely aware they won't be around forever) and no hope for the future. My physical health isn't great and as for my mental health... 

There is no point denying it; I am the stereotypical 'loser' as most people would picture one.

Is anyone else in a similar situation?


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## AliceinWunderland (Sep 29, 2016)

Yeah, I'm also a loser and turning 30 is like a punch in the face when you haven't achieved anything. Look, dude, I'm gonna give you some advice I give myself: you can change your life but you've gotta put some effort into it - like actual real effort rather than "attempts". "Attempts" are for 20-somethings, we've gotta be pedal-to-the-metal now we're 30 because time is running out to get established in a good career, get a house, car, and whatever else we want in life.


As you noted, your family are getting older so you may not be able to rely on them for much longer, you need a stable career that pays enough for rent, bills and some things you want. You CAN get a job. My brother had years of unemployment and just recently landed a full-time job with decent pay (NHS). It's a temp job but looks good on his CV and may lead to other work within the company.


Try recruitment agencies, they're often not too picky about your prior background and will fight to get you work (because that's how they make money) and sometimes you don't even have to do awkward interviews. But don't settle for the McJobs because they look worse on your CV more than years of unemployment. I thought I'd done well maintaining years of steady employment only to find myself laughed out of interviews because all my jobs were part-time, minimum wage, even though some weeks I put in 80 hours and had to do all kinds of hard tasks, they don't care. My brother's years of unemployment are looked on more favourably than my years of McJobs. If you need to, lie on your CV or make up a sob story. They don't usually check these things.


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## ASG456 (Oct 7, 2016)

Yes. I'm in exactly the same situation except I turn 32 in a month. My life feels like it has ended. I can only assume at some point I'll take some kind of action to try and change things to some degree as currently I try and look to the future and one simply doesn't exist--there's no structure or anything to aim for or aspire to. I don't intend to get into any kind of relationship as I don't feel like I have anything positive to share, and as a result of that I have no particular drive to buy a house or any of the things regular people do. One positive is I've stopped giving a s***, so I'm fairly relaxed about entering the abyss.


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## ukuser16 (Nov 6, 2016)

UKguy said:


> Turning 30 seemed like a huge milestone but I just realised I am now closer to turning 31 than still being 30. This is not far off half a lifetime and I feel like my life is going nowhere.
> 
> I live 'at home', have no job or career prospects (several failed attempts at college, I'm looking for work but with so many years unemployed I am literally competing with school leavers for McJobs), no friends, little family (who are getting old and I'm acutely aware they won't be around forever) and no hope for the future. My physical health isn't great and as for my mental health...
> 
> ...


No I'm 28 but this is exactly why I want to do a masters and start a career. At 31 I want to have a career and a partner. I can't imagine still being in this situation 2 or 3 years later.

My advice would be to go to university and aim for a career. Doing temp work or jobs like McDonalds is pointless. You can't have independence or a bring up a family when you earn £7.50 an hour.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

ukuser16 said:


> *No I'm 28 but this is exactly why I want to do a masters and start a career. At 31 I want to have a career and a partner. I can't imagine still being in this situation 2 or 3 years later.*
> 
> My advice would be to go to university and aim for a career. Doing temp work or jobs like McDonalds is pointless. You can't have independence or a bring up a family when you earn £7.50 an hour.


Good luck I genuinely hope you have a plan and can make it work better than I did. 

I was saying the same kind of thing to myself when I was in my early to mid 20s and I tried the college / university route twice and my issues got in the way. I ended up feeling worse being surrounded by people but still unable to make a connection. Plus I absolutely hated the whole education business as it feels like such a scam and I had no real passion for the subject area anyway.

I completely agree about low level jobs. The average wage in the UK I think is around £11 ph? A single person will struggle to run a household on that never mind minimum wage.

I don't really care about having a romantic relationship or a family but I do worry about having no friends and literally nobody to call on once my parents are gone - although I hope that won't be for a good few years yet!

I'm taking steps to change things by getting therapy and career support. I'm applying for entry level jobs with the NHS, city council, local university and other large organisations in the hope that I can get a foot in the door and work my way up. But there is huge competition for everything; even to scrub toilets at minimum wage there is probably 10 people applying for every role.

I often feel like once my parents are gone I will just be able to kill myself and that will solve the issue anyway.


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## ukuser16 (Nov 6, 2016)

UKguy said:


> Good luck I genuinely hope you have a plan and can make it work better than I did.
> 
> I was saying the same kind of thing to myself when I was in my early to mid 20s and I tried the college / university route twice and my issues got in the way. I ended up feeling worse being surrounded by people but still unable to make a connection. Plus I absolutely hated the whole education business as it feels like such a scam and I had no real passion for any subject or career area.
> 
> ...


I agree that a lot of higher education is a scam. Unfortunately I had no careers advice as my school was useless (just like my doctors) so I probably should have done a different degree. Saying that, there are some good courses which lead to an above average salary. My advice is to do lots of research. I'm still in the situation where I'm not sure what to do, or what will be the best investment.

I worked in the NHS before I went to college (as an admin assistant). I loathed it because I had to answer the phones all day, but there may be other options. GL


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## mechanical animal (Jan 7, 2016)

Yes, I feel like this often. I live alone in a ****ty apartment that I hate, I've failed at finding love and I've failed at gaining wealth. While I do have a full-time job, I do not make a lot of money and with the economy the way it is, I won't be surprised if I am laid off in the near future.

All that being said, I do still have hope and I am not giving up


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## HopingforMiracle (Jan 30, 2016)

i feel exactly the same the but am 36 and feel like i have nothing much in life to look forward to


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

friends reacted scared of turning 30... being ugly for it...

not me. confident, proud, fit, all the time. somewhat surprised and pleased

always feeling 18 when 30 & 40
those ages were exactly when my parents died. 10 years ago and this year. Don't need parents any more. Doesn't affect my prospects at all. where does rejection occur?

I continued for years after 30. 2006 - 2013. No work since.

ready for that to change, healthwise - mentally... dementia. But I'll know if there's a change, or not.

100% sure my prospects are nil when not employed. one day, or more. Political judgement. Fully capable & apt is not enough. Not practicing = not allowed to continue. Some basic logic in there but not fair. Independent and worth, but pinned down. Not allowed. I can, but told no.

I've done. Let me do. that sensible?

No direction by parents. I was let free to do what I like... playing with toys, then school. Dad says he was hard on older brothers. Do this. do that. Dad was all about money, earning it. Nothing weird there. Limp, weak, senseless, living - in - past (WWII experience) parents wrecked my life. They were uneducated to me. Absolute Back-to-Future scenario my life. Those parents were entirely those characters of 1950. me, too. Marty McFly & James Bond life intentions. Rocky Balboa & Jason Bourne. migraine.


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## CallmeIshmael (Sep 4, 2016)

Yeah, I'm going to college and I have doubts as to if I'll finish it. I have no job but I've been trying to find anything. 

I think I'm at a point of limbo in my life.

But also your perspective plays a big part of it. Yeah your life is pointless and it will always be pointless unless you give yourself something to look forward to. Stop thinking about what you don't have and focus on what you want, then do whatever you can to get there. Cherish your family while there still around, you can always make friends and there's always a way to improve your appearance. 

Just because your sitting in a hole doesn't mean you have to stay. I'm still trying to find a way out of mine.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

AliceinWunderland said:


> Try recruitment agencies, they're often not too picky about your prior background and will fight to get you work (because that's how they make money) and sometimes you don't even have to do awkward interviews. But don't settle for the McJobs because they look worse on your CV more than years of unemployment. I thought I'd done well maintaining years of steady employment only to find myself laughed out of interviews because all my jobs were part-time, minimum wage, even though some weeks I put in 80 hours and had to do all kinds of hard tasks, they don't care. My brother's years of unemployment are looked on more favourably than my years of McJobs. If you need to, lie on your CV or make up a sob story. They don't usually check these things.


This is by far the best story I've seen.

I've wanted to publish a book on recruiters; how blindly they have no notion of what any job involves. They just advertise it, making it mega-pretty. waiting for response, posed to bin every candidate until some elite sparkle appears, irrespective of any worthiness, just pure subjective fantasy opinion... all depending what mood they're in. No agency is the same. They dig a long history of never placing me

Your perspective might fire me up to keep trying, however my long-term not bling-upped CV of being bang-on mega busy right now. I have succeeded 
Maybe glitzy phone mood is all.


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## Spacebar (Apr 22, 2013)

I often times feel the same way. I have friends, but always make up an excuse not to hang out. I have no energy to really do anything and my agoraphobia/social anxiety pretty much keeps me homebound. The only time I leave the house is for doctor appointments or maybe to get food. Time just flys by when you get older and this has been my routine for years.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Hmm. Well, I certainly think I lost the genetic lottery but that wasn't exactly my fault.


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## Zozulya (Mar 24, 2016)

ASG456 said:


> I don't intend to get into any kind of relationship as I don't feel like I have anything positive to share, and as a result of that I have no particular drive to buy a house or any of the things regular people do. One positive is I've stopped giving a s***, so I'm fairly relaxed about entering the abyss.


Same position, have given up with life and set it on autopilot for 12 years, the attempts made to change aspects of my life have failed (because of having identity issues) before reaching 20, then after a failed attempt to CTB, I've stopped to care. Just living for the sake of surviving.
Now it's like watching the same episode of a boring tv show again and again at prime time, but having no will power to do something else and the remote has been thrown away. I'm just awaiting an external event that could trigger another try of erasing myself.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

I have given up on ever having any happiness in life. I'm like a piece of driftwood, just moving along with no direction. I'm just going through the motions and continuing to exist for the sake of my parents.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

CallmeIshmael said:


> Yeah, I'm going to college and I have doubts as to if I'll finish it. I have no job but I've been trying to find anything.
> 
> I think I'm at a point of limbo in my life.
> 
> ...


The problem with what you are saying occurs when you aren't really sure what you want. Plus even if you know what you want practical considerations do have to be factored in - just day dreaming about being X, Y or Z isn't realistic for people in this kind of situation. Maybe young children can dream about what they want to achieve but people in their 20s/30s/40s have to deal with day to day **** that gets in the way.

Sorry if that reads like I am attacking you and that is not my intention.

I hate dealing with people as I find it so exhausting and overwhelming so that rules out a huge sway of careers in this service sector economy we have become.

I wish I had a clue what I wanted or where I am going in life. Lately I am more focused on how I can have a dignified and painless end to life rather than how I want to live the rest of it.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

Yes, yes and yes. I have no direction and just doing the bare minimum to survive. Depression is a cruel mistress


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Yes, this is me. You guys are complaining about being in your early 30s, but I turned 40 a few months ago and it hit me harder than I expected. You don't want to be saying the same things about yourself when you're 40. You want to have given things a try and put some effort into bettering yourself and harnessing what potential you have. I'd love to be just your age again and have my 30s to do over (I'd like to go back further, but I'll take 30). Instead, it's just been procrastination after procrastination, of me saying at the outset of every year "This is going to be my year," then just staying at the same fvcking job which I hate, not trying on any hobbies I really want to do, and not getting an interpersonal relationship of any duration (still a virgin at 40, although some of that is tried and failed).


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

im 32 and cant get a part time job been unemployed since nov of 2007. ive completed three years of university but now i live alone my parents and grandparents are deceased and dont make very much i make way less than minimum wage because im on ssi...I cant even get an interview. totally ridiculous


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

You can make mistakes that ruin your life forever. You don't always get a second bite at the apple. I'm 38 and haven't had a job in so many years that I'm unemployable in any economy. I'm going to end up living on the street and eating out of garbage cans when my parents die because I'll have no way to support myself. I've never had a girlfriend and never will because women don't accept a guy like me. My life is hopeless and always will be.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Mongoose: I eat out of garbage cans (well, dumpster diving clean, quality food) and that's the least of my concerns. I actually enjoy getting stuff for free the way I do. The worst part is knowing that, like you mentioned, I will eventually have to survive on my own. I'm 34 and it's finally happening. I've had it made for many years. I do not fit into the 40-hour work week lifestyle. I fully reject it. I'll have to find some way to survive, though. For now, it's hopefully just kicking back for a few months in Florida and coming back to NJ, or elsewhere, to do something else. 

I'd not worry about women. Romance, relationships and sex are just your inner evolutionary urges nagging at you. You just have to recognize them as that, along with every other thing in life. Look at life as just one big f'd up evolved ape, hyper competitive club bashing competition where you're not participating, just trying to survive without getting sucked into the madness.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

I've been curious about how the homeless survive in case something drastic causes it to happen to me. It looks like internet and youtube has become such a commodity that there are now homeless survival youtube videos.


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## 99er99 (Nov 25, 2016)

UKguy said:


> Turning 30 seemed like a huge milestone but I just realised I am now closer to turning 31 than still being 30. This is not far off half a lifetime and I feel like my life is going nowhere.
> 
> I live 'at home', have no job or career prospects (several failed attempts at college, I'm looking for work but with so many years unemployed I am literally competing with school leavers for McJobs), no friends, little family (who are getting old and I'm acutely aware they won't be around forever) and no hope for the future. My physical health isn't great and as for my mental health...
> 
> ...


All I can say is I relate. I'm on the 'other side' (degree 'educated') yet I am unemployed. Here in the UK is it difficult to get a supermarket job, let alone a career. Unless you have connections. I could get a retail job if I really tried, but fear and my acne scars hold me back. If it wasn't for the useless NHS I would have had proper acne treatment and antidepressants many years ago. Instead I had to go to a private derm, shelling out hundreds of pounds, and I will have to go to a private psychiatrist to get Nardil. It makes me sick how I wasted many years on useless doctors when money buys everything - even your own health.


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## PineconeMachine (Jan 17, 2012)

Mongoose said:


> You can make mistakes that ruin your life forever. You don't always get a second bite at the apple. I'm 38 and haven't had a job in so many years that I'm unemployable in any economy. I'm going to end up living on the street and eating out of garbage cans when my parents die because I'll have no way to support myself. I've never had a girlfriend and never will because women don't accept a guy like me. My life is hopeless and always will be.


This isn't meant to invalidate your feelings and/or suffering in any way, but your life is NOT hopeless. Things can and do improve.

When did you last hold a job?


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Yarp.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

PineconeMachine said:


> When did you last hold a job?


Probably January 2012. I say "probably" because I had a "job" from November 2013 to April 2014, but my boss was just a lonely old man with Alzheimer's and just wanted someone to be there in the office next door. I did literally no work 95% of the time.


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## MrObscura (Aug 4, 2016)

yeah, im right there with you. i havent posted in a while, but my story is that im a 34yo unemployed man living at home who hasnt had a job since i was 19. im pretty reclusive and rarely leave the house. i recently started counseling, but its not helping much since she pretty much just wants to push me to socialize. she doesnt seem to understand that the anxiety and depression are like a literal hand that holds me back. all she keeps saying is that its just you, you just have to take charge and do it. well, if i could do that i wouldnt have ended up in this situation.

thing is i do have a passion that would give my life direction, and i think even the ability to turn the dream into a reality, and i could have made it a reality years ago if it wasnt for this dark hand. and that makes things even worse.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

Mongoose said:


> You can make mistakes that ruin your life forever. You don't always get a second bite at the apple. I'm 38 and haven't had a job in so many years that I'm unemployable in any economy.* I'm going to end up living on the street and eating out of garbage cans when my parents die because I'll have no way to support myself.* I've never had a girlfriend and never will because women don't accept a guy like me. *My life is hopeless and always will be.*


That's me right there. I really don't see any way out for myself.


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## firstname (Dec 7, 2016)

CopadoMexicano said:


> im 32 and cant get a part time job been unemployed since nov of 2007. ive completed three years of university but now i live alone my parents and grandparents are deceased and dont make very much i make way less than minimum wage because im on ssi...I cant even get an interview. totally ridiculous


You're not alone. I went to university and it's difficult to get a so called "living wage".


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

*raises hand*


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

Well at least I'm not alone. I feel so embarrassed about my situation that I'm not even upfront about it online ffs... how do you explain a lost decade of a nothingness life to anyone in real life? fml


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Sounds like it's just as bad or worse in the UK on low wages with the pound closest in value to a u.s. dollar in decades. $13-$14/hr is the bare minimum for a livable wage if you cut everything as a single person. i.e. live in a dump of a place, old car, usually no health insurance etc.


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## duvalsi (Oct 19, 2016)

I'm 34 and employed but I fear what will happen when my parents pass away as our combined income lets us live comfortably as we kind of subsidize each other but without their social security I'd only be able to rent a room and I hate living with other people so that will certainly excabertate my anxiety several degrees.

I'll just have to bite the bullet and find something better as I have decent enough experience but it scares the crap out of me changing jobs, meeting new people, not knowing where I will sit (when will open office floors finally die out), if this job is celebration centric (how many potlucks can you have in a year??), etc.

This is just money/career wise. My personal life is its own mess.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

duvalsi said:


> I'm 34 and employed but I fear what will happen when my parents pass away as our combined income lets us live comfortably as we kind of subsidize each other but without their social security I'd only be able to rent a room and I hate living with other people so that will certainly excabertate my anxiety several degrees.


I think there are a lot of people in this situation now. If my parents died tomorrow I would be extremely poor and my lifestyle would have to change dramatically. It is very hard for a single person to survive either on low wages or on welfare benefits.

Anyway, I started this thread wondering if I was the only one but it appears there are plenty of others experiencing similar things. It is sad really, just goes to show society excludes a lot of people who don't fit the definition of "normal".


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

I think the notion with 'being a loser' has lost it's significance over time. I think most people are pretty ridiculous and often take themselves too seriously. There are aspects in the lives of deemed successful people that I don't really envy or wouldn't really be able to handle effectively. I also have this latent twisted personal belief that this lifetime I am in is not going to be the only one. Better luck next time maybe. It's all not about you and what you want.


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## window licker (Feb 14, 2017)

Same. Signing on at the job centre tomorrow for the first time since 2012.


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## whereistheoffswitch (Jan 31, 2016)

Yup. No life, no job, no qualifications (that are of use), no other half and no clear direction either. I think I can change this though (easier said than done).
A lot of this goes together though for those that don't know. Last time I had a job, I had more/some friends, was seeing someone, went out more, had more money, could save some money etc etc which meant I had direction (at least an aim for being more finincially well off etc).


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

I'm in the same situation. 

From the UK and in my very late 30's, and Ive been unemployed for so long.

I'm unsure how on earth I'm not supposed to feel suicidal working 40 hours a week for minimum wage, and I've been stuck in the benefits trap for years. 

I did manage to meet a long term friend with similar issues last year and actually have fun, but she's much younger than me, more intelligent, and is driven towards a career. She's planing to go to uni in september. 

I'm not sure if she will be able to cope with it, but she's driven to do it and I have no drive, so it's interfering with our friendship, and the other day she stopped talking to me.

It's painful, because we do get on and feel super comfortable around each other, but working life, finances, are destroying our friendship.

She wants the English dream, lets call it, and I really struggle with seeing anyway to get off benefits tbh.

I was hoping she could accept me the way I am, but she wants more from life and wants me to be more successful, and I aint got a clue how I can find a way to better myself and keep it up.

Life's ****ing hard, and bloody ridiculous really for some of us.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I'm definitely not a loser and have many prospects (and same goes for every single person in this thread,) however, I could do with more direction. Diffuse energy gets nothing done, focus gets stuff moving. I constantly feel all over the place. It's related to me not forming my own identity when I was younger and as a child I had zero guidance. I was just kind of left to navigate the world on my own and don't feel confident in my decision making. It's definitely something I'm working on.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I'll be 30 this year & I feel way behind in life/unable to catch up because of my issues. My lack of/deficient social skills leave me as a boy in a man's body feeding into my depression/anxiety which blunts my potential severely. A string of generic/dead end jobs, inability to pursue further schooling, dumb debts acquired, lack of drivers license/vehicle,lack of relationships, lack of independence(still living with my mom), etc. A decade of that & more because of how uncomfortable I always feel around others whatever I try to help improve it...makes it hard to try to make the life you want to live let alone a life that's balanced and worth living. I basically go from home to work and back when I have to to barely pay my bills otherwise I'm hiding out trying to recover from having force myself through my work days. I constantly feel burnt out from that cycle and haven't the spirit/energy to put into making things better. It's really tough and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel but c'est la vie, "we go until we don't"...


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## misanthrope2 (Feb 18, 2013)

I relate completely. Just so you know, feeling like a directionless loser doesn't go away with education or a career. I somehow (with great difficulty) managed to obtain two university degrees. and although this took a lot longer than someone who's "normal" and doesn't have SAD ,I have started my career in the field I went to school for and I make a more than comfortable salary for a single woman. I'm still living with my parents because I have a ton of debt and I'm awful at budgeting. I also have no relationships that i can depend on outside my family. Some days I hate my job, some days it's not so bad. Most days I wonder what the **** is the point of life. I wasted 6 years at university to try to better my life and now i work 40+ hours a week and still never enjoy anything or have anything to look forward to. I have a couple "friends" that I can text and meet up with on occasion but my SAD, extreme introversion, strange personality and living situation, makes it impossible for me to get really close to anyone or have a sensible relationship. Ive only had one real romantic relationship and that was with a man who is as disordered as I am or maybe even a little worse than I am. Needless to say we couldn't make it work. I'm desperately lonely and want a partner but at the same time I feel like I get nothing from relationships with other people. I have no idea how to reconcile that. I've tried therapy, meds, and self help stuff like meditations and books. Everything only helps enough to keep me alive and trying, but things never actually get better. I don't enjoy any aspect of my life and it doesn't seem likely that I ever will. My parents are getting older and i fell like I should be helping them not the other way around but I have nothing to offer them as I can barely take care of myself. I don't necessarily want children or marriage but I wish I at least had the same options as other people. I will be 31 this year and only have so many good eggs left. If I don't get my **** together soon I wont even get to consider children before it's too late. and there goes another milestone that regular people take for granted. 

Anyway, this turned into more of a rant than I intended. the point is, an education or career doesn't solve anything. Happy relationships and doing things you enjoy is where it's at. How to go about that with SAD, I'll probably never know but I can say for sure that a career doesn't help add happiness at all if you're still alone and not doing things you enjoy.


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## forever in flux (Nov 26, 2016)

BeNice said:


> I'd not worry about women. Romance, relationships and sex are just your inner evolutionary urges nagging at you. You just have to recognize them as that, along with every other thing in life. Look at life as just one big f'd up evolved ape, hyper competitive club bashing competition where you're not participating, just trying to survive without getting sucked into the madness.


:lol that's a good attitude to have, it's true too.


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## Samuraisushi (Dec 3, 2016)

misanthrope2 said:


> I relate completely. Just so you know, feeling like a directionless loser doesn't go away with education or a career. I somehow (with great difficulty) managed to obtain two university degrees.


I'm in the same boat, I have a decent career that I am good at and finished university. But FML, I don't have a life outside of work and can't make any friends at work no matter how hard I try. So downright depressing, everyday when I get home I just want to off myself. I mean like what is the point of life if you can't enjoy it.


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## misanthrope2 (Feb 18, 2013)

Samuraisushi said:


> I'm in the same boat, I have a decent career that I am good at and finished university. But FML, I don't have a life outside of work and can't make any friends at work no matter how hard I try. So downright depressing, everyday when I get home I just want to off myself. I mean like what is the point of life if you can't enjoy it.


I feel the same way and I dread going to work each day. Not so much because of the job but because it pains me to spend so much of my time at a job when I feel like i should be living life and making up for lost time. Each day at work I know I will be going home to spend time alone while everyone else has partners or good friends. I really don't see the point of it.


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## Samuraisushi (Dec 3, 2016)

misanthrope2 said:


> I feel the same way and I dread going to work each day. Not so much because of the job but because it pains me to spend so much of my time at a job when I feel like i should be living life and making up for lost time. Each day at work I know I will be going home to spend time alone while everyone else has partners or good friends. I really don't see the point of it.


I immerse my brain in data all day at work, it helps me not think about how ****ty my life is. Only human contact I get at work is when co-workers need help. I might as well be a human computer. They don't invite me to any events, so all I ever get to look forward to at the end of the day is home alone. I don't think it's too much to have a friend or two to go out with on weekends. Heck, even if it was only a once a month thing it would give me something to toward to at least.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

There are likely other people who are facing the same matters as you but you choose to ignore them. 

I just don't think life is a big deal. I think it's also not entirely pointless. You don't make a case for anything when you take it all so hard.


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## misanthrope2 (Feb 18, 2013)

Samuraisushi said:


> I immerse my brain in data all day at work, it helps me not think My job is pretty social. Iabout how ****ty my life is. Only human contact I get at work is when co-workers need help. I might as well be a human computer. They don't invite me to any events, so all I ever get to look forward to at the end of the day is home alone. I don't think it's too much to have a friend or two to go out with on weekends. Heck, even if it was only a once a month thing it would give me something to toward to at least.


Can I ask where you are from in the North? Are you in an area that is fairly isolated? that could make SAD and socialization even more difficult I would imagine.My job is pretty social. I pretty much talk to people all day long. That obviously creates it challenges for me living with SAD but I think it has helped me push past my comfort zone as well and as a result I can almost fake extroversion at work.My biggest hang up now in my personal life. I can't seem to create close, personal relationship. It makes for a boring and lonely life and makes it difficult for me to take my mind of work when I'm not there as I have nothing to do. And of course when I am having trouble at work due to my SA I don't really have anyone who cares about me who I can talk too or help take my mind off of things.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

Pete Beale said:


> I'm in the same situation.
> 
> *From the UK and in my very late 30's, and Ive been unemployed for so long.
> 
> ...


There is a benefits trap that is for sure. 40hrs x min wage - tax = not much more than benefits and a whole heap of stress on top. I don't say that meaning benefits should be reduced but that wages need to go up. I suspect a lot of people on disability benefits would love to do part time work that they can manage alongside their illness but the system makes it 'all or nothing' and it is simply not viable to work 20 hours and survive on minimum wage.

As for your friend... Maybe she will drift back to your friendship over time? 
Trying to live the 'dream' and go down the university route is hard for those with MH difficulties. My guess is that more fail than succeed, not that I would wish her or anyone else to fail and nor does the risk of failure mean it is wrong to try. It is also a very expensive route to go down these days.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

UKguy said:


> There is a benefits trap that is for sure. 40hrs x min wage - tax = not much more than benefits and a whole heap of stress on top. I don't say that meaning benefits should be reduced but that wages need to go up. I suspect a lot of people on disability benefits would love to do part time work that they can manage alongside their illness but the system makes it 'all or nothing' and it is simply not viable to work 20 hours and survive on minimum wage.
> 
> As for your friend... Maybe she will drift back to your friendship over time?
> Trying to live the 'dream' and go down the university route is hard for those with MH difficulties. My guess is that more fail than succeed, not that I would wish her or anyone else to fail and nor does the risk of failure mean it is wrong to try. It is also a very expensive route to go down these days.


Hi mate,

Wages are indeed ****.

If I could get paid more then maybe I could force myself through my feelings and just get the job done, but I can't see how the **** I'm supposed to motivate myself tbh.

I should have been born into wealth. 

My friend has been in touch with me btw.

I know she's stressed about the future and trying her hardest to study, and she just hasn't got the energy to deal with me and studying at the mo tbh.

I worry that she won't be able to become the person she wants to be because it's so hard to achieve what she wants to.

I've told her in the past, that maybe she should try and be happy doing something that causes less stress, because she has held down jobs before, but she wants it all, and won't listen to my arse. lol


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

Misanthrope2 and Samuraisushi, I wonder how far away from each other you are? 

You could try and talk more and hook up. :smile2:


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

There's not much in the media on neets and bums when the problem with homelessessness and jobless is probably the worst it's ever been in developed countries.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I can't say "feeling like a loser" really has a lot of meaning to me personally. But I have always felt like my life was pointless. And I say that in just a matter of fact way. Not in a "poor me!" depressed tone. It is what it is.


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## duckie (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm homeless, been without a traditional roof over my head for nearly 2 years and i don't feel like a loser. currently working full-time through a temp-agency. i do occasionally go through periods of depression and i have felt that way though.

then I'm reminded of the scene in breaking bad when jesse goes to rehab, the therapist asks "how many are here to learn how to be a better person"? everyone slowly raises their hand. then he says "that's your first mistake... you should be here to learn self acceptance."

everyone is different... so why does anyone think we should all have the same life?


as for work, the interview process is difficult for me but i can manage short, to the point conversations. so i skip it by using temp-agencys. find a good one near you, tell them what you want and let them do the legwork.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I can't say "feeling like a loser" really has a lot of meaning to me personally. B*ut I have always felt like my life was pointless. And I say that in just a matter of fact way. Not in a "poor me!" depressed tone. It is what it is.*


I guess that is quite a nihilistic way to think?

I get that same feeling in both my depressive and non depressive states. Life does seem ultimately pointless. When I am feeling good I think _"well I should see it through to its natural conclusion, perhaps I will find some meaning at some point" _ but when I am down I tend to think _"what am I waiting for, I might as well hit the fast forward button and get to the inevitable conclusion"_. I that respect I do admire people with the balls (or selfishness?) to call it a day.


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## gsegoho (Mar 12, 2017)

Same. No girlfriend, no job, no friends, rarely leave the house apart from signing on. Got a degree but can't get a job no matter what I do.


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## rockbottomrage (Feb 26, 2017)

I can relate. Im 30 and still living at home.

I tell myself this. Many people who move out are not doing it alone. They have spouses or roomates to help them. 

I know a lit of people who married young. They have that extra income to help them get a house, get a car, etc. Many of us here are doing it alone. 

I feel like ive become complacent in my life l. The only time ive ever felt focused was when i was on a certain medication.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

Yeah. I thought I could do something with guitar but I could never get good.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

This video reminded me of this thread:


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## whatisthepurpose (Mar 30, 2017)

I can relate too well. 
I turn 33 in three more days and it feels like a decade went by and if anyone asked me what happened in those 10 years I would have a difficult time filling in the emptiness. I spent my 20s entering and failing to comply with university always with the hope that if I fought hard enough somehow I'd make it. It didn't work out.
As a kid and teen I managed to keep up with an absolute lie to others to hid who I really have always been. It took every ounce of my energy and it allowed me to have been perceived as this bubbly, extremely extroverted and friendly, popular confident person. I had a perfect life on the surface. I just wanted to fit in but it never felt right and in the end, I ended up isolating from the world. I live with my parents, have no income, no superior education, no job (my agoraphobia, anxiety and depression are crippling to the point I am home bound) no friends, no relationship, no hope and no motivation. 
I'm just drifting through life, passing by days, months, years hoping one day I'll have the courage to end my life. I want to wait untill my parents die to do it because I want to avoid them more suffering than I have already put them through every day of my life. 
I dread the day my parents pass, they are the only people I have human contact with, even if it's scarce. 
I feel too ashamed of how I've built my life compared to everyone else. I'm tired of having to lie to just "fit in". 
I don't think I have the ability to be happy so I have given up on that. I really wished I could find a purpose, a direction, a goal, or just something to hold onto to keep me going but no matter how much I try, they just keep lacking. I try to think that at least I tried and that was valuable, my life ended a long time ago for me, now I'm just in this apathetic autopilot and it seems it will just be this way untill either by decition or fate my life ends.


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## garth560 (Apr 14, 2009)

Something that has helped me was joining a social anxiety group on Meetup.com I got to meet other's with SA and make friends who 'get it'. You may be able to find a group near you, if nothing else it gives you something to do, and if you're anxious it doesn't matter because everyone else is too and it's almost expected that you'll be anxious as well. 
I was stuck in the same crappy job for 12 years, but then I read the book 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway', quit my job and started my own little business (all while still having bad SA). 
Anti-dep meds did help too, reading a lot of books (most for free from the libary) and some free counseling. 
The truth is most people who work hate their job. And most people in relationships are bored with it after a few years and think how great it was to be single. But of course it's human nature to want what we don't have.
You don't have to compare yourself to others and fit into some mould society has created. Life is short, who cares if you're not the same as everyone else. You don't have to breed and pay taxes, it's just what the government want you to do. 
Something else I did was to learn how to trade currencies online (FOREX). It's not easy but if you've got spare time you can learn to do it from the comfort of your own home and you can practice trade for free until you learn the ropes. For me it supplements my lowish income and gives me hope for my financial future.
Hope that helps, don't give up


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## fairyface (Aug 14, 2016)

Would you consider doing a tefl or CELTA course and emigrating to spain or an asian country for a year? you can do a TEFL online, asian countries pay english teachers really well.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

I don't just feel like a loser with a directionless life. I am that loser , that's my life. I don't care about relationships or ish like that. all I care about is money and my health and I'm lacking in both categories. I contemplate not being here constantly. I'm really just tired of living and being in competition with everyone in this game called life.


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## dragon (Feb 6, 2007)

around where i live. theres this guy. pretty sure hes accepted who or what he is. the guy is mid 30s. no car and no job that i'm aware of coz hes either drunkish, highish, or both. lol. the guy and me had a small chat one time. and pretty much the man accepted the fact that things might never change so he usually found around the neighborhood chilling with whoever at any given time. i also envy the guy coz hes a funny guy too. i dont dwelve too deep about why he isnt employed or what not. the guy is basically content and have accepted whatever good or bad he just live it out


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

railcar82594 said:


> This video reminded me of this thread:


Interesting to watch, I found that there is a follow up video as well.

He said something along the lines of people being unhappy because we are taught we are in control of our own destiny but actually that is often (usually?) not the case. I think he is on to something there... society sets people up to be disappointed and the world we live in sees only a very tiny minority of people living the dream life while millions of not billions go without basic things like clean water and adequate food.

He also highlighted the problems with the current jobs market pretty well too.

Anyway 9 months since I started this thread and nothing has changed really. I've fallen into more of a depression lately and I will be 31 soon.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

UKguy said:


> He also highlighted the problems with the current jobs market pretty well too.
> 
> Anyway 9 months since I started this thread and nothing has changed really. I've fallen into more of a depression lately and I will be 31 soon.


yeah, the guy has a point about the bad economy for job seekers. I found it interesting he mentioned eugenics which I thought was essentially people with social anxiety or social disability are getting phased out in the job & wage competition by the current state of the overpopulated and increasingly disparate society. However, I feel he's half full of bs and kind of lost it with lots of misplaced resentment. I don't have high hopes for him until he improves his mindset.


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## UKguy (Sep 30, 2013)

railcar82594 said:


> yeah, the guy has a point about the bad economy for job seekers. I found it interesting he mentioned eugenics which I thought was essentially people with social anxiety or social disability are getting phased out in the job & wage competition by the current state of the overpopulated and increasingly disparate society. However, I feel he's half full of bs and kind of lost it with lots of misplaced resentment. I don't have high hopes for him until he improves his mindset.


I didn't find him especially resentful, just extremely cynical, brutally honest about his feelings and obviously beaten down from lots of bad experiences over the years. But in any case would resentment be such a bad thing in those circumstances?

Part of his issue I thought is that he was frustrated that he has done what he is supposed to do, work and study hard, yet nothing has gone right and now society appears to have no place for him... I think anyone would be pissed off in those circumstances. He is clearly thoughtful and intelligent so I would have thought if it was just a case of changing his mindset he would have worked that out already.

I don't know but I suspect there are millions of people like him all over the world, all hidden away from the public eye because nobody really wants to recognise these kind of issues.


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## gamesetandmatch (Apr 4, 2017)

Well, I'm not quite 30 yet but I can give my own experiences of how I'm trying to get out of a rut.

I joined meetup last week and went to a bar in my city. It wasn't the best meetup as they were mainly older than me and a bar isn't the most comfortable place, but it was a start. Now I'm focusing on lots of other groups which might give me an opportunity to meet people. I get sick with nerves when doing these things, but I don't give a damn any more. I'm too old to be scared and anyway, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have a degree but have struggled to get consistent work. Since then I've been temping and doing retail for the time being, and I've applied for postgraduate courses.

On saturday mornings I do an event called parkrun. I haven't met anyone there yet but it keeps me active and being around 300+ people is a good challenge to my anxiety. 

I see my GP every few weeks to trial different medications until I find one that works.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I wish I knew what I wanted to do.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

UKguy said:


> I didn't find him especially resentful, just extremely cynical, brutally honest about his feelings and obviously beaten down from lots of bad experiences over the years. But in any case would resentment be such a bad thing in those circumstances?
> 
> Part of his issue I thought is that he was frustrated that he has done what he is supposed to do, work and study hard, yet nothing has gone right and now society appears to have no place for him... I think anyone would be pissed off in those circumstances. He is clearly thoughtful and intelligent so I would have thought if it was just a case of changing his mindset he would have worked that out already.
> 
> I don't know but I suspect there are millions of people like him all over the world, all hidden away from the public eye because nobody really wants to recognise these kind of issues.


I can see how you can have that viewpoint, but I don't buy his story completely seeing his other follow up videos where I feel he has other issues and inconsistencies. I sense he also has an unempathetic and blaming tone to others like himself and extolling advice he didn't follow himself. Anyways, just another example for what it's worth.


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## Dominico (Dec 14, 2016)

WOOH!! sok I'm awake... i'm back.... (kinda drifted off and started rambling in my last posting.... aaanyways.... onwards...



WillYouStopDave said:


> Hmm. Well, I certainly think I lost the genetic lottery but that wasn't exactly my fault.


Heh in that we are all losers and winners my friend... though sadly while it will never be our fault (only applies to 'genetic lottery') while it's not our fault it's always our problem... and the problem i have with that, is why i'm not one to blame people and point any fingers... everyone seems to be so darn good at it.... you know?



hydinthebasmnt said:


> I have given up on ever having any happiness in life. I'm like a piece of driftwood, just moving along with no direction. I'm just going through the motions and continuing to exist for the sake of my parents.


Marry me? *teasing.. well.. sorta.. * still *coughs softly* I KNOOOOW eh? ****.. well... at least you get to exist for your parents..... i still don't understand why i'm still here.. meh just remember... you haven't truly given up (and i'm telling you NOT to!!! ) you haven't truly given up because you're still here.... ergo like me, you must have SOME hope SOMEWHERE left inside you... don't go looking for it... because we all know what happens when we go looking for something we though we had lost... we find it.. then two weeks later someone steals it and then ****.. THEN WHAT!!? aww maaannn.. come on!!  right?!!?? am i right or what... left? oh... wrong.. uh ... ahem... i tried  just try to remember that it's true you aren't done yet neither am i.....



HenDoggy said:


> Yes, yes and yes. I have no direction and just doing the bare minimum to survive. Depression is a cruel mistress


Depression.... is the beautiful beautiful.. but oddly melancholy child of Paine !! And whatever the fathers name was... no one cares.!!! but she does make a rather immature yet not impotent mistress indeed.... but doesn't it just depress you even more how most peoples first response to hearing about depression ACTUALLY affecting someone's quality of life... it's almost like an "oh... grow UP!! J C himself... sheeesh" kind of response like.... they're all exasperated with you... unless they're a counsellor and then they're PAID not to be like that but you still kind of get the sense that under that therapy mask they wear again exasperation.. still... the lack of direction.... is headed the wrong way... hey? can't tell you where i'm going until the rest of them figure out where THEY'RE going... then i go somewhere else..... (this is my problem, might not be your problem, but i have no problem sharing.. at least 



Mongoose said:


> You can make mistakes that ruin your life forever. You don't always get a second bite at the apple. I'm 38 and haven't had a job in so many years that I'm unemployable in any economy. I'm going to end up living on the street and eating out of garbage cans when my parents die because I'll have no way to support myself. I've never had a girlfriend and never will because women don't accept a guy like me. My life is hopeless and always will be.


I made one mistake... i came out... of my mom... wasn't by choice... but then again... as i've already mentioned... it's not about it being our fault... it's about it being our problem... and thus something that no one else even wants to talk about half the time.. which is funny... given our 'social' context here on this forum ... no but in all seriousness you CAN make mistakes... and sometimes.. the least you will have to do to recover from them... is move... to another country....preferrably another continent... this is why i stay inside... then the only mistake i make is whether or not i bother to go running outside with my masque on, the towel wrapped around my head and my bathrobe untied... as i run downstairs at 2pm because some idiot was smoking in the bathroom again and theres a weird person in the apartment NEXT to the bathroom (it's an SRO we don't have our own washrooms... *shudders violently* and on the wall in between said weird person's apartment and the bathroom there's a fire alarm.. and the weird person smells smoke and goes OMG I"M AN IDIOT AND THERES FIRE [email protected]!!!! on the end of that thing sticking out of his mouth OMG !!11 there THERE it's that little brightly colored thing he just put back in his pocket THATs where THE fire came from!!!!!! (P,S, the object in question would be a bic lighter.... *coughs softly*) & (The "white thing sticking out of his mouth"? A cigarette...) look, the point is this.... at least you won't be the weird person,.... right? still dude, like i've said at least ONCE somewhere in this long as post.... You're still here BECAUSE you have hope... its just a fact.. you'll feel like you have no hope.. but yet whenever you contemplate... you still can't do it... this isn't from being 'too scared' or 'a coward' this is because secretly deep down inside.. there's some teensy tiny little bit 'o hope kickin around there somewhere but that little bit is enough to keep you alive... annoying sometimes i know. but there's still (albeit BARELY) just enough curiosity and still somewhat childish exuberance and just OH the POSSIBILITIES!!!!! how endless they are... in ALLL and ANY critical aspect... sane or otherwise.... what i'm really saying is don't go looking for that little bit of hope.. it ain't broke... just leave it... look for something else... that splinter for instance..... the one in your mind you know the one... not the matrix one the OTHER one... yeeeees that one....


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Dominico said:


> Heh in that we are all losers and winners my friend... though sadly while it will never be our fault (only applies to 'genetic lottery') while it's not our fault it's always our problem... and the problem i have with that, is why i'm not one to blame people and point any fingers... everyone seems to be so darn good at it.... you know?


 Personally, I don't have any compunction about pointing fingers at my parents. That's more than fair.


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## TiredofMe (Jun 29, 2012)

UKguy said:


> Turning 30 seemed like a huge milestone but I just realised I am now closer to turning 31 than still being 30. This is not far off half a lifetime and I feel like my life is going nowhere.
> 
> I live 'at home', have no job or career prospects (several failed attempts at college, I'm looking for work but with so many years unemployed I am literally competing with school leavers for McJobs), no friends, little family (who are getting old and I'm acutely aware they won't be around forever) and no hope for the future. My physical health isn't great and as for my mental health...
> 
> ...


You are not alone UKguy....I am turning 52 this year..I am a housekeeper at a hotel which is hard physical work for little pay and is getting harder on me physically... I keep thinking about what else I could do that would provide better income and everything I think of that I would like to do involves dealing with people and just thinking about it sets off my anxiety. I live in a constant state of regret...wishing I had done so many things differently. I also have no close friends mostly just acquaintances from work. I see all my old friends ..people I lost touch with over the years and they all have decent jobs and homes and I feel like such a loser. My Son's, Daughter-in-law and grandchildren are what keep me going...they do so much for me and I am so thankful for it but I feel terrible at the same time because I think that I should be helping them as they get started in life. I have plenty of family but not real close with any of them because my anxiety keeps me from traveling to visit and spend time with them. I am scheduled for back surgery in a couple weeks and will be out of work for 2 months recovering... my anxiety is through the roof worrying about paying bills. I have depended on my mother so many times throughout my life and she turned 74 this year and has a lot of health problems and is not in a financial position to help me..I feel like such a loser because I should be helping her at this point in life. Sorry this is so long I haven't been on here for a long time and really have a lot on my mind and don't really have anyone to talk to about it.


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## forever in flux (Nov 26, 2016)

Jesus died when he was 33.


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## Deadguy (Aug 19, 2011)

Someone once told me that if you can't do what you want then you should do what you can. That's the way I've lived my life. 

If you want something bad enough then you should do everything you can to get it. If your goals are unrealistic or unachievable then you need to adjust your attitude and goals.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Not a loser, but reaching the age where I don't know the worth of carrying on to the natural end. It all just seems so down hill and all I have is a bank account to show any worth. Perhaps giving to charity before I step off the ledge is the best way to serve a purpose. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


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## vela (Apr 19, 2012)

I feel like everyone must think I'm a loser. It really causes me to limit my social contact with people because I think that once they hear about my life they'll want nothing to do with me. I've never worked, I have an extremely limited online only social life, I rarely leave the house, and I've only had one serious relationship that lasted like six months. It terrifies me having to admit to other people my age that I'm not doing anything with my life. I'm convinced they'll judge me. 

However, I do try to tell myself that I'm disabled and that's not my fault. I never asked for any of this and I keep trying to improve my life. I've been making progress in therapy concerning the traumatic things that cause be to end up like this. Progress is slow but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. I just wish I wasn't so scared of social interactions.


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## PasstheCarbs (Dec 24, 2014)

When I think of the word 'loser', I think of two separate things:

1. What society would classify as a 'loser'. Unemployed. No friends. Lives with parents. Broke. etc

and

2. What I think is a 'loser'. Drug addicts. Thieves. Crooks. Scammers. Con artists, etc. This idea comes from others that told me to believe these people were 'losers'.


But... I don't think either are truly 'losers'. 
#1 'losers', it's so easy to fall into and it's not even your fault. It's more Society's fault for being terrible.

#2 'losers' are victims. Addicts are victims of their own brain and can't/shouldn't be blamed. People turn to crime because it pays more than minimum wage and they need to survive. Scammers and con artists the same. I have a friend that lost his amazing job last year. He's married and has 2 kids. He couldn't get a job anywhere that paid even a 3rd what he was making. He doesn't have a degree. No certifications in anything. He in order to maintain his role as provider for his wife and children started dealing drugs. Or, he could work 3 minimum wage jobs (and still make less money weekly), never see his family, be incredibly miserable all the time and fail to provide a glimmer of hope for his children's future so they end up just like him. Screwed. He hates that it came to this. He'd rather be a contributing member of society again and not have to risk his own life. He was so proud before.He got so lucky. He thought it would last so he thought the time was perfect to start a family. It didn't. I just can't see how you place full blame on a person like that when the fault is with the system itself. And that won't ever be changed because the system makes the rich rich and the rich want to stay rich. 


I'm not so sure 'losers' even exist. Well, outside of sports were the term originated. I do put a lot of effort into shrugging off the label. I don't believe it but lots of other do. That bothers me most. Its mostly the older crowd that get weirdly angry with me. Everyone 40 or younger finds my situation easily relatable because it can easily happen to anyone. My friend had a lucky break getting that dream job that he lost (the company downsized). Lucky breaks don't come to everyone. Lucky breaks can be temporary. So much is out of our control. All we can do is survive and hope. Hope someone else decides to hire us. Hope someone else decides to be our friend. Hope someone else finds you attractive. Our lives and futures are decided by others. How do you decide to lose when it isn't your decision to make.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Feel like a loser? No. Do other people consider me a loser? Youbetcha. 

I have a really strong sense of purpose, a ton of motivation and ambition, a great deal of confidence in my abilities, excellent self-esteem, and I work very hard every day. Unfortunately, my problems vastly exceed my resources, so I'm probably just going to end up homeless in a year or two and then die shortly after that. But at least I'll go down fighting.


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## forever in flux (Nov 26, 2016)

truant said:


> Unfortunately, my problems vastly exceed my resources, so I'm probably just going to end up homeless in a year or two and then die shortly after that. But at least I'll go down fighting.


Could you try living in a Therapeutic Community or Commune if you end up homeless?

You could become an asset in that environment. I've read even social phobics can fit in there.

You'd need to choose wisely of course but it's surely better than trying to survive on the streets.

http://www.treatmentcommunitiesofamerica.org/index.php

That's what I'm looking to do at some point and immediately if I'm ever made homeless.


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## forever in flux (Nov 26, 2016)

PasstheCarbs said:


> When I think of the word 'loser', I think of two separate things:
> 
> 1. What society would classify as a 'loser'. Unemployed. No friends. Lives with parents. Broke. etc
> 
> ...


Great post.

I totally agree, many people don't seem to consider how much of our lives is down to luck. It's not an excuse to be passive and just give up but it is a reason for some much needed compassion


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## Dominico (Dec 14, 2016)

you know... sometimes i get tired of telling myself that it's not my fault..... because in the end it's not ABOUT fault... it's about responsabiliity.... and unfortuneately something I can't tell myself otherwise on this subject is that like i said... While it's not my fault per se... nor anyone elses... it's just that its no one else's fault either.. it's no one's responsability but my own and this is where it becomes very frustrating... People STILL tell me that with my being deaf... (to me, my biggest barrier... I wouldn't even have SAD if I could just HEAR what people were saying instead of wondering....) they tell me that my being deaf, shouldn't stop me from working.... and that I'm "Letting my disability rule my life" or that I'm "letting other people hold me back...." or even worse that "I'm limiting MYSELF, by going on about being deaf..." First off, i don't mention that i'm deaf until someone talks to me... and the usual way it even comes up is from someone asking me why i'm not working.... so THEY asked... and so i answered... but I'm "going on" about being deaf... it's the only reason i'm not working... and it was the only question they asked... *shakes head in confusion* anyways back to the point.... so for me.... I can only do so much in the sense of "putting myself out there" and then it always, always, ALWAYS requires another person's input... it takes two to tango... to converse, to argue, to agree, to debate, to do pretty much anything that falls outside of personal opinion based responses... I can think what I want... but that doesn't mean anyone else will feel the same.... right? and that's just it... people THINK i'm not trying hard enough.... they THINK I'm lazy.. they THINK that I don't care... etc.... but they don't KNOW anything... because they never ASK these questions or when they do they never LISTEN to the answers.... so while it's not my fault that I'm deaf, and it's not THEIR fault that i'm deaf.. but it's my RESPONSABILITY to keep myself alive/clothed/fed/housed etc..... in order to do these things i have to interact with other people one way or another... I can only do so much to get myself a job... but if i can't convince whoever is in charge of hiring both A) that it's pointless trying to call me.... duh.. Period... and B)that it's worthwhile to take a few extra seconds of their day to open up their email and email me... because then they don't get an immediate response... if i'm desperate and starving. I can be relied upon to check my email twice an hour..... but because it doesn't satisfy THEIR need for immediate gratification..... that makes it just too difficult to achieve and don't get me wrong, i know from their side of it they need to fill a shift now because the person who is supposed to be there is already late and they need someone here NOW!!! i get it.... still why do i have to be 'on call' to get a job?? like, why is that considered a reasonable expectation? so here i am going above and beyond my comfort zone (remember i'm still SAD so the whole going outside thing... period? is nothing short of a miracle) to try and you know... get resumes printed up and go out and hand those out and then talk to some kind of manager to be able to get me an interview to get all the way through that interview and at the end when they ask ok well how do we get ahold of you... well you can't call me because i'm deaf... you can email me.... that always works.... and all of a sudden it's like that takes up too much effort for them? so because they have to slow themselves down to talk to me, not because i'm stupid (which i'm not though i admit some days i wish i was... i'd be a lot more satisfied/happier if i were) but because of this thing that isn't my fault but isn't their fault but isn't anyone's fault but IS definately my responsability.... but that still doesn't mean that it's my choice..... in the end what i'm trying to do by trying to get a job.... is convince some one that it's worth the extra effort and time one would spend just including me(like that's SO MUCH to ask for..)and that when all is said and done.. that it's worth it for this person to pay me a wageto do whatever..... so i have to convince someone to pay me so that i might stay alive.... how hard is that when i already have self worth issues and problems believing that i'm "worth it" i don't believe in being superior or inferior.. YOU are not better than ME.... this does not mean that I.... am better than you... it means that you are human (i hope) I am human( usually) we both have things about us that makes us the individual we are... but we are all different just likee everyone else..... you all bleed red until you're dead.... when filled full of of holes..... so that we lose our sacred souls..... and by this we are all equal...... no one man has power or authority over any other man.... unless that man should GIVE that person that authority..... thus is democracy and other elected officials of the state.... but yet.... because it's an inconvenience to all these people... THEY hold me back.... this isn't me letting my disability limit me... or hold me back... this is other people not understanding something but rather than admit that they don't know something.... they just stand there and pretend they don't hear me..... then laugh about it with their other "hearing" friends... about "that deaf guy,, yeah him" so i get sick of telling myself that it's not my fault because in the end that dosen't do anything to make it any more in my power to try to MAKE it my fault even at least.


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## dragonfruit (Dec 11, 2015)

I have had a lot of times where I feel like a complete loser. I hear former classmates who have kids, great jobs and living great lives. Then I look at my life and think I haven't had a job in 8 months. People have used and abused me in various forms. Why am I stuck here.


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## maralb (May 20, 2017)

yeah other peoples life seems to be better sometimes, but our minds work in a different way, we do what we can,


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Pretty much, yes.


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## Shiroihikari (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm 25 years old and have earned no money, live with my parents, have never been in a relationship, and so on. There are most certainly days on which I feel much the same - a dark cloud comes over, I don't know what the point of my life is or how I can break this cycle. My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing something similar; I know it is a truly terrible feeling.

But, there is more I wish to say. Something other than self-pity or condescending advice...

I guess I'm fortunate that my life has been improving in recent years. It's humble, but I work voluntarily a couple of days a week. It makes me happy to see friendly faces there and I feel like I am contributing to society in some small way. I'm giving the work my all, and there is even talk within the organisation I am working for that they may offer me a part-time (paid) position soon, simply because they are impressed with my work ethic and want to give me additional responsibilities. Sure, it's nothing glamourous or exciting - but that's not important. I'm going to break free, not by thinking about interview skills and an application process that is slanted against me, but by taking small steps day by day and choosing my battles.

I'm still in the process of breaking free, but I believe I can do it. What has helped me the most was accessing CBT and talking to people about my anxiety and my career options. It was terrifying at first, but it did get easier. I'd strongly recommend this to anyone else who is stuck - I'm a lot stronger than I was 3 years ago.

If you're feeling stuck/like a loser, I'm sorry that you're having to feel like this. I know it sucks. I hope that something I'm writing here can help. Have you considered speaking to your GP about your anxiety and the way it affects your life? GPs are usually very knowledgable about services in your area that may be able to help, and they're generally very compassionate people. You might try asking a parent to go with you if you are feeling anxious (I think most parents would be happy to do so, knowing that it is likely to help their son/daughter). 

It may also help to think about why we feel "like a loser". It took me a long time, but eventually I learned that I felt bad about my situation because I thought society expected me to achieve certain things: If I don't have a job, I'm a loser! If I can't get a girlfriend, let alone a partner, I'm a loser! If I never have plans for the weekend, I'm a loser! And so on. 
The thing is, nobody else was placing these expectations on me. It was all me! I looked at other people who had moved out from their parents' house, had jobs, partners, even children; I thought that was the norm and that I was somehow lesser if I didn't have the same. I wasn't acknowledging how hard I was fighting to cope with and overcome my anxieties, or how I was searching for solutions, or the richness and complexity of my inner life. It was like a kind of confirmation bias. When I realised my mistake, it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders: I began to accept my differences and acknowledge my achievements. Just by taking small steps every day. Things are going to change in the future because of the foundations I am laying, and it's okay for me to not be at that point yet.


I hope that some of this can inspire you or help you find a way to overcome this hurdle. I'm still on this path myself, but I do believe we can all break free of our own cages if we keep trying, step by step, day by day. I know there is a great community on this forum that is ready to offer a listening ear and support, so you're not alone in this fight.


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## PaulHeart (May 22, 2017)

My life been one giant struggle after another. Was born in 1984 during a tornado they had to evacuate the hospital to the basement. Seems like been one chaotic event after another but tested me to keep going. When growing up we moved almost every three years due to my fathers job. We moved 7 times before was 19 and lived in 8 places due to where was born. That itself puts a lot of stress of moving. Then add I did not have a major girlfriend til was 23. Sure dated prior to that few times but nothing major. It last 5 months or so my only major relationship. It went downhill fast and found out she did not even love me. As for jobs had few but none were high paying jobs. Think most I made was almost $11 hour working at hotel at front desk. Long story short that was my longest job had at little over 3 years. Was 3 years of working at front desk. Was okay job but had a problem after my former manager had got promoted he left and we got this very poor manager replacement. Thus, job became not even fun anymore as this guy was a mess. Also, just lost my girlfriend as we broke up and she left to go back home in another country. Things started to slip there and never since able to keep a job for long. Was late of December of 2015 that was having hard time breathing and turned purple. I asked my mom to drive me to clinic. They were like this is serious you need to go to hospital. So we drove to hospital and got checked out this was really bad. They found I had heart defect at birth that was never found. My hearts time was running out was working below 10%. So this is where it got really crazy. As from that hospital they sent me to another bigger hospital that dealt with heart problems. That is what saved my life as were able to keep monitored and keep me from dying. Had many surgeries done over few months. One was heart defibrillator in case heart stopped would shock it. Then came a artificial heart which had for 22 or 23 days without a pulse. Was hooked up to big blue machine in hospital that pumped the artificial heart. After that they were going to put me on more portable heart defice that could carry in a backup. Though had some troubles while was on big blue machine which delayed that. While was on delay April Fools Day I get woken up by nurse saying guess what guess what. I wake up as its like 5am or so thinking like huh whats going on.. I responded to him what.. He was like they got a heart. They found a heart that matched and was coming later today. At first thought is this a joke. Though no was no joke it came way later in night. They had the operation it lasted into early morning of the 2nd. By the time woke up from it all noticed big difference. First everything was more clearer. Was new person and had my rebirth. Never will know who's heart I got as whoever was his parents or family memvers did not release his personal information. As they have option not to do so. So I promised once I get married changing my middle name to Heart to honor donor. Also been writing a book about my life of travel, heart problems, and etc. Here I am slightly year later from heart transplant. Still trying to eat and bulk up from gym. As with the whole procedures affects you and drain alot of weight from you to make it easier. Im at almost at my old weight and got few scars from operations my battle scars.. In all its beyond luck how things played out and im so thankfull to get this new life. So, now to present I am closing in on 33 and still live with parents and on disability to at least end of this year. Got alot of ideas but then have some people look at me like why am still living with them. As I am loser for surving the whole thing without screaming or cursing nurses out. I took it like a champ so much so nurses loved me. We talked and really was probably best thing of the whole nightmare. That and excellent doctors. So no matter what others say we all have different lives and paths. I have many ideas want to do and getting my own place very soon. Looking at possibly getting a tiny house for around 25k or so. Buy like few acres of land and try out growing vegetables, fruits, and or herbs in greenhouses. Why, I posted on here I been through major depression for years and now through everything so glad that I did not kill myself. As I was awakened by this heart problems I had. Just keep faith and never give up. Good things can happen even when get bad news starting off. There is light at the end of the tunnel just remember that always someone worse off than you. Do not get discouraged or allow yourself to fall into old destructive habits. Start correcting yoyrself just start little by little each day. Baby steps and never forget no matter what happens in life its nothing compared to not even trying. So you try and fail. Just keep trying eventually something will give. Never give up and work on yourself to stay active through gym, eating well, and never forget life can surprise you just need to appreciate the little things.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

If I compared my current self to whatever society expected of me then yes but fortunately for me zero ****s are given in that department so I'm free to explore my own path in life and create my own meaning.

I don't need other indoctrinated individuals suffering from the backfire effect coming into my life trying to tell me that I must have this this and this in order to deserve basic love and respect from others, so I choose solitude if it means not being around people like that.

By the sounds of things you don't need that either. Be yourself unapologetically. You have no choice about what you are, but you can choose _who _ it is you want to be.


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