# How do I deal with loneliness?



## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

I'm new to this forum and english isn't my first language and i'm sorry for any mistakes. I have autism which prevents me from socialize and make friends as easily as my sister who doesn't have it. She has many friends, and I barely have any. I'm currently in college, and it's like I am an alien when it comes to social situations. Sometimes I'm ignored completely. I was severely bullied at school which has affected my self-esteem. I'm so afraid of being judged and laughed at. I was bullied every day in 6 years. The bullies threw items at me, laughed every time I should speak, and gossiped about me every time I left class and other places at school. I feel so lonely and depressed right now, and I don't know how to cope with my feelings. I have constant mood swings and lots of nightmares. No one else in my family has autism, and they don't 'get' me. I also have a heart defect that prevents me from doing physical activities like running. I'm so jealous of my sister who has everything I probably never will get. Any solutions and suggestions are highly appreciated. 
Thanks for reading my long post. And I apologize if it's to long.


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## lots (Jul 23, 2016)

Awww i'll be friend with you :frown2:


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

lots said:


> Awww i'll be friend with you :frown2:


You're welcome!


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

I understand how you feel. I've gone through the same as you. Bullying every day for many years. This can totally ruin someone's life.
This is the main cause of my SAD and AvPD. I am alone too, I don't have any friends. In my free time since I am unemployed I do fitness walking, cycling or trekking in the forests. You can try meetup.com to meet new people. I would suggest gym but since you have issues with your heart, then you should avoid it.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

teopap said:


> I understand how you feel. I've gone through the same as you. Bullying every day for many years. This can totally ruin someone's life.
> This is the main cause of my SAD and AvPD. I am alone too, I don't have any friends. In my free time since I am unemployed I do fitness walking, cycling or trekking in the forests. You can try meetup.com to meet new people. I would suggest gym but since you have issues with your heart, then you should avoid it.


Thanks for replying. You sound like a nice person. I'm glad you replied to my thread!


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Aww, sorry to hear about your rough life. I'm sure you can find at least one person that you can relate to that will accept you. What are your interests?


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Hmm I think that if you were truly autistic you would not even notice all of what happened or given importance to it, you would be more like self-absorbed, no mention looking for a forum and writing like that.

But it sucks what happened to you, sorry.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


> Aww, sorry to hear about your rough life. I'm sure you can find at least one person that you can relate to that will accept you. What are your interests?


Thanks for your reply. I have many interests, but no one in my family relate to them. I have always loved horses and writing stories, but for the past year I don't feel the same about riding anymore. I'm so stressed at college but my mother doesn't 'get' it. She accuses me for being lazy, which I know isn't true. I just have a lack of motivation to do things. I go to a psychologist and I've tried to take D vitamins because everyone thinks it's just a lack of that. And I've had zero effects. It doesn't really help with my mood swings and nightmares.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

TheGagaGirl said:


> Thanks for your reply. I have many interests, but no one in my family relate to them. I have always loved horses and writing stories, but for the past year I don't feel the same about riding anymore. I'm so stressed at college but my mother doesn't 'get' it. She accuses me for being lazy, which I know isn't true. I just have a lack of motivation to do things. I go to a psychologist and I've tried to take D vitamins because everyone thinks it's just a lack of that. And I've had zero effects. It doesn't really help with my mood swings and nightmares.


Continue to write then and maybe see if there is like a writing club at your college or something. Just keep trying, I'm rooting for you. :squeeze


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

sajs said:


> Hmm I think that if you were truly autistic you would not even notice all of what happened or given importance to it, you would be more like self-absorbed, no mention looking for a forum and writing like that.
> 
> But it sucks what happened to you, sorry.


Most autistic people are good at noticing things and remembering them vividly. Not every autistic person have problems with communication. Thanks for replying anyway.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


> Continue to write then and maybe see if there is like a writing club at your college or something. Just keep trying, I'm rooting for you. :squeeze


Thank you! I'll try!


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## LokiAgdistis (Aug 10, 2016)

I have trouble making and maintaining friendships, too, and talking is hard for me.... I manage my own loneliness by talking to people online and going on sites like Tumblr that make me feel less lonely but don't require actually chatting directly with anyone.

I think hobbies are the easiest way to get connected with others. You said you like writing, so maybe your college has a writing club. Maybe a library has something focused on writing. Maybe you can find writing groups online. Maybe it would be fun to join groups to try out new things, too!

Best of luck to you!


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## ShadowOnTheWallAlt (Jun 27, 2016)

It gets better after high school, most of your peers mature and its easier to separate yourself from jerks. Sounds like you went through hell


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## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

TheGagaGirl said:


> I'm currently in college, and it's like I am an alien when it comes to social situations. Sometimes I'm ignored completely.


Hello Gaga Girl,

Hang in there, I know its so tough, and can relate to pretty much all your post, so I feel your pain. 
If you can find any societies in college to get involved with thats always great way to connect with people, if not maybe find some things outside college like volunteering, occasionally you can meet some gems to hang out with. Moreover finding your passion/interest in life is a good distraction and can help your future massively.

But just know you're not alone, my brother has so many friends, and I know that lonely feeling when you don't have the same social sphere. One thing I can tell you is being lonely isn't great, but neither is being around toxic people/fake friends either (from my own experience).

I'm sure you will meet some nice people, as you seem like good person. And if possible try friendly conversation whenever the opportunity arrises, it can be a lifesaver sometimes. Hoping you find some comfort in the near future, just stay strong if you can


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

LokiAgdistis said:


> I have trouble making and maintaining friendships, too, and talking is hard for me.... I manage my own loneliness by talking to people online and going on sites like Tumblr that make me feel less lonely but don't require actually chatting directly with anyone.
> 
> I think hobbies are the easiest way to get connected with others. You said you like writing, so maybe your college has a writing club. Maybe a library has something focused on writing. Maybe you can find writing groups online. Maybe it would be fun to join groups to try out new things, too!
> 
> Best of luck to you!


I have already joined an online writing site, but I rarely get any comments on my stories.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

ShadowOnTheWallAlt said:


> It gets better after high school, most of your peers mature and its easier to separate yourself from jerks. Sounds like you went through hell


I did! And it's so hard to get over it :crying:


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

izzobaby said:


> Hello Gaga Girl,
> 
> Hang in there, I know its so tough, and can relate to pretty much all your post, so I feel your pain.
> If you can find any societies in college to get involved with thats always great way to connect with people, if not maybe find some things outside college like volunteering, occasionally you can meet some gems to hang out with. Moreover finding your passion/interest in life is a good distraction and can help your future massively.
> ...


Thanks for your reply! Most people at my college are popular and really loud. They don't even greet me when I show up at work. They're always talking to themselves, and they ignore me most of the time. They only talk to me when they need help with something. But I guess you're right. If they aren't willing to talk to me then I probably should avoid them too. I do have a few friends but they have moved away


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## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

TheGagaGirl said:


> Thanks for your reply! Most people at my college are popular and really loud. They don't even greet me when I show up at work. They're always talking to themselves, and they ignore me most of the time. They only talk to me when they need help with something. But I guess you're right. If they aren't willing to talk to me then I probably should avoid them too. I do have a few friends but they have moved away


Ah well its great you have friends already, and I'm sure they will stay in touch with you for the future.

I know the loud college people thing, its actually best to avoid them tbh lol...from my own experience hanging with those types in college just led to tears in the end. So I guess just focus on yourself, and if possible focus on opportunities outside college. Really hope you find a way to feel better and some nicer people show up.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

izzobaby said:


> Ah well its great you have friends already, and I'm sure they will stay in touch with you for the future.
> 
> I know the loud college people thing, its actually best to avoid them tbh lol...from my own experience hanging with those types in college just led to tears in the end. So I guess just focus on yourself, and if possible focus on opportunities outside college. Really hope you find a way to feel better and some nicer people show up.


Thanks again. I know you're right but its easier said than done. Sometimes I think my life is pointless because my future is very limited. I don't have many possibilities because of my autism.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

TheGagaGirl said:


> Any solutions and suggestions are highly appreciated.


What do you enjoy doing? As in, what takes your mind off all this crap?


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

How does one deal with loneliness? My words won't necessarily be the best but I will convey them anyways.

Perhaps the best way to deal with loneliness is to acknowledge it wholeheartedly. So many people want to pretend to be such socialites when in fact they are merely conforming to the ideals of others all for the sake of in-the-moment adoration and affection from an immediate group of people.

When one's ideals don't fall in line with society, a typical line of advice would be to "fake it until you make it", pretend to be happy with bull**** trends and flavors et cetera et cetera. All for what? I would prefer to break free from those expectations and to truly be me. The world doesn't acquiesce to me so I do not conform to the world.

Loneliness. I experience it. I sometimes cry over how lonely I can get but I always take time to understand it. Am I doing anything of harm? I think not. So few people in modern society actually take the time to think. Their smartphones think for them, their peers think for them and most cognitive inquiry seems to have been lost in this new age of technology and instant gratification.

Once you are content with yourself, perhaps your situation will improve.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Do you have Asperger's ? I just found I have that too. Since I did I know how to work on myself to correct those ''deficiencies''. Though this condition can also give you great advantages over others, sadly, you only experienced the down sides.

Best advice I can give you is to get therapy, maybe meds. But get in touch with a therapist. Asperger's is a minor issue in the equation, solving anxiety and depression are the main things to work on.

Regarding loneliness, I struggle with it too, I have only 1 friend, that also has Aspergers so we speak the same ''language''. Though, you can't say he has it, he was working in the last year a lot to correct it. Maybe you can join aspie groups to find friends that understand you ? I felt like an alien in college too, and even now I do, in large groups like that. Small groups are much more easier to handle.


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## TheGagaGirl (Aug 5, 2016)

Sorry for late reply, but I'm currently busy with college stuff. I really appreciate your answers. I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow. I'll see where it goes and I hope I get solutions to my problems.

RenegadeReloaded, I have high-functional autism, and I have always had trouble making friends. I have a few friends but they have moved away


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## nicetyy (Aug 8, 2016)

ShadowOnTheWallAlt said:


> It gets better after high school, most of your peers mature and its easier to separate yourself from jerks. Sounds like you went through hell


Actually working a job is an extension of high school. Same gossiping and bullying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShadowOnTheWallAlt (Jun 27, 2016)

nicetyy said:


> Actually working a job is an extension of high school. Same gossiping and bullying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Depends on your workplace. And unless there really are no other vacancies around, you don't have to stay there


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## nicetyy (Aug 8, 2016)

ShadowOnTheWallAlt said:


> Depends on your workplace. And unless there really are no other vacancies around, you don't have to stay there


Yeah I can just go bankrupt and move into a shelter


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## dusknoir99 (Mar 7, 2016)

sajs said:


> Hmm I think that if you were truly autistic you would not even notice all of what happened or given importance to it, you would be more like self-absorbed, no mention looking for a forum and writing like that.
> 
> But it sucks what happened to you, sorry.


Autistic person speaking,
:bat
I don't appreciate you calling someone self-absorbed after they just finished expressing their hardships. Our "disorder" is a spectrum, meaning that some of us have been affected more extremely than others. Personally, I'm shy as f**k but I'm still a genius among the normies at my school.


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## vvacarello (Sep 7, 2016)

I find that volunteering not only gets me out of the house, but gets me outside of myself. Sometimes helping others can be a distraction from your own problems.

You are more likely to be around more compassionate people who will understand someone who struggles with something, whether autism, financial issues, illness, etc.

Volunteering also tends to be lax in terms of committment. If you find it doesn't work for you, it's not like joining a club to meet people, then wanting to quit because you find it's too clicky or something. In most cases, you volunteer when you can, and they are usually appreciative for whatever time you can give.


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