# I am afraid of boys!!



## Dalia Violette (Sep 21, 2011)

Hello, before you accuse me of being a freak, I'll tell you my story.. 
When I was little, I grew up in conservative family, went to a girls only school., been allowed to hang around only girls, the only guys I had been able to talk to , were cousins and relatives. Now, I am in Gr.11.I turned 16 in June. I go to a public school, I don't talk to guys. Wonder why?
My problem around guys is that I can't talk to them, or be near them without becoming nervous, and shaky, I even stuter my words, I talked to a few guys online, but they are just chat roomers, not people I know.. Of course, I talked to others, but I can't talk with them for long, we only talk about school, weather, I dunno why the conversation dies quickly.. now, there is this guy that I like, and wish to talk to, pleasssse helppp!


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## Karuni (Jun 26, 2011)

I have this same exact problem! I'm in college (freshman), but it's been like this my whole life. Literally, any guy near my age intimidates me. I'm not too picky with guys, but any that are attractive or I could potentially like, make me have mini heart attacks if I'm anywhere near eye contact or have to say something. Actually, any guy makes me anxious. It just gets a lot worse if I have any interest in him. It's only guys around my age though.

I'm just ridiculously awkward around the opposite sex. I had some male friends in high school, but it took a long time to become less and less awkward around them (and most of them I talked to online more than in person anyway). I met nearly all of them through my other friends. I didn't have crushes on them either (well a couple of them I did like at certain points in time but that's not the point). I was just so awkward, I don't even know why.

Even something small like handing back a pile of papers a teacher hands out to each row/aisle/whatever in the class can make me anxious if the person I hand the pile to is a guy. 
Another time (and this is probably going to sound really ridiculous), a bunch of Zoology students and I were waiting to go to a study session. I was standing by the door which is next to a big bulletin board. This guy looked in my direction a couple of times, then he walked up to the board to read it and then walked back twice. When he was coming towards me (actually the bulletin board), I was fighting back shaking and having a heart attack because I was afraid he was going to talk to me.

I've gone to public school all of my life, and have had guy friends in elementary and high schools. 

This isn't to say I can to talk to fellow girls with no problems. Although it's a LOT easier for me once the initial "Hi" is over. With a guy? My voice is a weak, mumbling mess. I'm doomed to be single for life...


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## Hartwell (Sep 19, 2011)

you are in the situation a lot of guys are in, talking to girls. this is the first time i actually hear a girl is nervous talking to boys. if this is any help, let yourself be lead by the guys, you arent expected to do a lot of talking anyways.


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## sweetD (Sep 6, 2011)

I can talk to them. But have Zero male friends. Went to an all girls school. My father was absent. My grandfather wasn't part of my life. I have a sister. Mostly girl cousins. I just don't know how to form non-sexual relationships with them. Not even romantic or platonic. I think its socialization. But I can't relate and I get so awkward around them.


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## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

I'm a 23 yearold guy and i have a lot of fear of women, how i am trying to get over it, even though it is very hard, is just not trying so much with words but focusing on my non-verbal communication. I think you'll find that people aren't paying so much attention to what you say, what they are noticing is how you feel.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

me too and it's because i'm androgynous and boyish looking so i just assumed all guys will not want to talk to me because they prefer the girly girls. i'm not even interested in them but i just worry that if i try to talk to them that they would ignore me. i also went to an all girls' school so i'm not used to conversing with guys.


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## akt (Jun 21, 2011)

most of the time I find guys are easier to talk to than girls... you don't have to deal with the whole cattiness thing with boys.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I'm the same, but with women. I'm nervous around guys too, but it's much worse around girls because they're like a higher species to me and I'm extremely afraid of screwing something up around them. I never had any female friends so I don't know how to interact with them.


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## corkman (Sep 19, 2011)

I'm the same as you Ape in space, men still give me a bit of anxiety.

I was talking to one of my most confident friends the other day and he says sometimes he doesn't know what to say around women and that they make him anxious at times.

I get anxious and lost for words around women too.

I think it's natural in our day and age almost. I wouldn't worry too much, you'll get used to us fellas. Hopefully i'll get used to women too


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## Judith (Sep 27, 2008)

I actually get more shy around girls. Guys seem to be more accepting of my quirks quiet nature. I hate that I have no female friends. I just attended a wedding and it makes me sad to think that if I got married I'd have no one to plan my bridal shower or be in my bridal party.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

I'm in the same boat. Im 23 and I can talk to guys, but I cant form relationships with them. I have zero guy friends. I dont know what really to say to them, they seem like aliens to me. I dont think they understand me or they think I am really weird or something.


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## tweedyrat (Jan 8, 2011)

mysterioussoul said:


> me too and it's because i'm androgynous and boyish looking so i just assumed all guys will not want to talk to me because they prefer the girly girls. i'm not even interested in them but i just worry that if i try to talk to them that they would ignore me. i also went to an all girls' school so i'm not used to conversing with guys.


Oh so true. I feel like I am being rated by guys (I know girls are judgmental but not in the same way) and although I'm mostly happy not being girly, I'm afraid guys won't like me because they won't see me as much of a girl or a guy. I know if people are that shallow I shouldn't care what they think but at the same time I fear rejection.

But yeah... I am so awkward around guys. I can really sympathise with the other stories! I usually have to will myself not to blush when I meet a guy. I blush a lot around girls too but it's more embarassing with guys because I'm afraid it will be read as attraction (which may or may not be true). Argh! So annoying Like anything though, exposure helps...


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

This shyness died down a lot after I left school but when I was your age I had horrendous shyness of females my own age or similar ages, a large part of it was because I would blush around them and therefore I felt like I was "giving myself away" in terms of uncontrollably revealing my sexual attraction for them. But this might have just been because girls and guys are different in gender. This is therefore a novel situation and can activate the fear response simply because of the novelty of it. This classic child-like shyness has now been replaced by more of a high mistrust and hostile fear of them plus I find it hard to relate to them and they feel like they are aliens to me or vice versa.

You should look at guys as not people who are better than you in anyway. They eat, sleep, crap and fart just like everyone else. Don't look at them as the species that your gender mates with since this is often the the core reason for all the shyness in the first place. But also remember that you are a female and think of what role you play. I'm saying when you go after a guy you need to relate to the guy as a female with basic instincts or 'needs', no shame about expressing the need for love and affection. Do you judge how guys comes across? Probably not. They probably also don't sit there judging you how you talk to them. Remember that most guys and girls will feel shy with one another but many can just hide it well enough away. Are you shy of being shy around guys? If you are then this is simply shame of being shy. This will amplify your fear. Embracing your shyness is the best option here or just pretend to be confident because people take others at face value. Perhaps the best way to talk to the guy is to do the old eye contact thing with him and see how he responds. Then you will have to make your move and the best way is to dive into the deep end, ie, get straight to the point. No small talk since this could leave you losing your nerve. Conversations can die because fear can make you freeze up and not want to say anything for fear of judgement or simply you have very little to talk about. You might need to do things together. But having nothing to talk about will normally dissipate once you get intimate and sexual intimacy helps with getting to know the other gender better and seeing what all the fuss is about with them. Lacking experience with guys, when you interact with them, a vacuum is created that anxiety moves in to fill. Once you rake up experience with them, the vacuum is filled with past knowledge.

Though here is a nice little trick to help you feel better around guys. You first need a stimuli to associate the good feelings you will activate when you need them. You can use a rubber band for this. You basically imagine something in the past or imagine a scenario that makes you feel confident, happy, proud etc about yourself. Any good feelings. Then at the height of these feelings, snap the rubber band that you place around your wrist. You need to use the same area of your body for this. And you need to practice this for at least a few weeks before you can instantly call up those postitive feelings when you need them. The next time you cannot do something because you feel way too shy then you snap the rubber band and it should cause the positive feelings to push the negative ones out of the way.


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## imogen (Jun 7, 2011)

I'm exactly the same, so i can't really help...


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## luffy (Jun 2, 2011)

come on we're not so bad.


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## imogen (Jun 7, 2011)

luffy said:


> come on we're not so bad.


you're scary. sorry.


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## freud (Sep 21, 2011)

Don't push yourself too hard. I know it is easier said than done but there is always a guy out there who will take you as you are and love you the way you are and who knows how to get to you. And i promise you, sooner or later it just happens and you laugh about yourself that you once were afraid of this guy your now in love with.

Maybe i am too romantic. Its kinda hard in school or college, every other place is better to find someone... And if you want to get near guys you can stick to girls who are good with them (there's always one). This helps to loose the fear and get to know some better.


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I'm the same way. except I am a guy and I can not talk to girls.


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## Unshyme (Nov 1, 2012)

I have similar problems. My fear of boys developed sort of in grade 11'ish when there was this boy chasing me like crazy, at that time I was having serious social anxiety aaround all human, and then afterwards this anxiety somehow developed into fear of mostly boys, girls not so much. and for me, it is not only boys my age, it's all guys who are same age or older than me, even much much older men. Now I really want to have a guys friend, some guys know that I am afraid of them so they avoid me, this is convenient but still i feel hurt. 
Well at least I can tell you that ur not alone! does that feel any better ?


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## oood (Nov 1, 2012)

I'm the same. don't think it helped going to a girls' school!


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## ripsta99 (Jun 19, 2011)

why? do u think i will hurt you?
i can barely kill a fly without feeling bad.


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## fetisha (Jan 13, 2012)

me too! they scared the hell out of me


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## Paramecium (Sep 19, 2012)

I'm not scared, but I'm uncomfortable around them. 

I've never had a best male friend. I just cant get closer(even if they try to), I stand away automatically, it is really weird. I usually cant find any word to say. Another weird thing is, in fact I like boys more to be friends and I have more common interests with boys, but here is the result.
My only male friends were girly boys, so they are out of the situation.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

I don't have an issue talking to my existing female friends, however finding new ones has become extremely difficult for me.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

I first went to school with boys at 17. I never knew how to talk to them either. The ones I had crushes on, well, I was so embarrassed that I wouldn't even look at them. Well, I am no longer a girl, and there is nothing cute abut it at my age.


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## smartgig (Mar 7, 2012)

I've the problem among the girls.
A good workout for me is propranolol which fixes the heart pulse and voice crack.
I put half or quarter of a 10mg propranolol pill under my tongue and this little pill will dothat !


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## themanwithnoname86 (Oct 31, 2012)

Sounds like me with women.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I'm the same way!! they value looks too much and if you're stupid and ugly at all they want nothing to do with you and treat you like you're worthless


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## jsh21340 (Oct 19, 2012)

Its so crazy how our mind works!!! Im in the same position as the rest of you. I have extreme difficulty speaking to guys especially if Im attracted to them. If a guy is walking towards me(let alone a group of guys) I get extremely nervous. Now when a guy does come and talk to me Im alright if I'm caught off guard (if that makes sense) but if Im anticipating and interaction with a guy Im a nervous wreck! I did have one guy friend in highschool but he wasnt my type so I could be myself with him but if its a guy that is my type...all I can say is GOD HELP ME!!!


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## thebluewarrior (Mar 28, 2006)

ChrissyQ said:


> I'm the same way!! Another part of my issue is boys are bad they're really perverted sick in the head and like creepy bad stuff and i cannot relate with that at all and they value looks too much and if you're stupid and ugly at all they want nothing to do with you and treat you like you're worthless


Thanks, I never knew this information about myself. But you've just enlightened me. :roll


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

yulian said:


> Thanks, I never knew this information about myself. But you've just enlightened me. :roll


Sorry I meant SOME guys! There IS alot out there like that didn't mean to generalize!


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

ChrissyQ said:


> I'm the same way!! Another part of my issue is boys are bad they're really perverted sick in the head and like creepy bad stuff and i cannot relate with that at all and they value looks too much and if you're stupid and ugly at all they want nothing to do with you and treat you like you're worthless


Yeah, I'm very weary of men too. It seems every time I read the news now, there is some man who has molested yet another kid, or has child porn or something sick like that.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

Most girls, who have been on a girls only school, I know are talking all the time. Some even more than other girls. Of course they do not talk to me.


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## Mr Invisible (Oct 25, 2012)

yep I had this after being in all boys school, It definately came around by just not socialising with girls. seems to be quite a trend developing here maybe it is best to send kids to mixed schools to get used to being around the other sex at an early age? (casually stumbling across a revelation lol)


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## mint (Jun 1, 2010)

My fear of boys has gotten less intense since I started treatment (counselling/meds). But my favorite ever afraid of/awkward around boys moment happened when I was just starting university. I was sitting next to an empty chair waiting for a class to start, and a cute guy who had been sitting a few seats away from me for the past few classes came up to me, smiled, and asked if he could sit next to me. I turned beet red (I'm really pale), looked at the floor, and said "Nope!" I realized I had misheard him and tried to correct myself by saying "I mean yep I thought you said 'is anyone sitting next to you' so I said nope but I meant yep so you can sit down if you want..." And when I glanced up he had the weirdest look on his face but actually sat down next to me. I didn't look at him or say anything for the rest of the class, and for the rest of the semester he sat on the complete opposite side of the room.


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## IdontMind (Dec 31, 2011)

I went to a mixed school and socialized with girls up until middle high school. Lost most of the girls I was close to and from there it's been uphill talking to the opposite sex. It's like starting over.

It's like some people mentioned, if I'm in the mindset of trying to live up to what a man is suppose to live up to like the whole flirting and all that, then I won't screw up and things will come pretty natural and I might even smile but if it is something I anticipate I end up screwing myself over. The brain works in funny ways...


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## Coat (Dec 21, 2012)

I know the feeling, in high school I wouldn't talk to girls unless spoken to, and the first time I asked one out I nearly passed out from the panic attack I had. I've had a few female friends since I'm not sure how I got used to them (sorry I cant help there)
I've not had a girlfriend though, the panic attacks got better, but my anxiety got worse and last time I was rejected I suffered from severe depression for months afterward (forcing me to drop out of college for a few weeks at its height).

They say exposure is the best way to deal with fears, and I think its really personal preference how you get that exposure, be it through joining a club or doing charity work. Ultimately I think, the opposite sex is just the same, maybe with different problems and parts but those are small compared to our similarities. Hope some of that helps


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Dalia Violette said:


> Hello, before you accuse me of being a freak, I'll tell you my story..
> When I was little, I grew up in conservative family, went to a girls only school., been allowed to hang around only girls, the only guys I had been able to talk to , were cousins and relatives. Now, I am in Gr.11.I turned 16 in June. I go to a public school, I don't talk to guys. Wonder why?
> My problem around guys is that I can't talk to them, or be near them without becoming nervous, and shaky, I even stuter my words, I talked to a few guys online, but they are just chat roomers, not people I know.. Of course, I talked to others, but I can't talk with them for long, we only talk about school, weather, I dunno why the conversation dies quickly.. now, there is this guy that I like, and wish to talk to, pleasssse helppp!


Wow it's exactly the same with me, my family is/was conservative, and I went to an all boys school so I didn't talk to any girl, and now I can't work girls out


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

hydinthebasmnt said:


> Yeah, I'm very weary of men too. It seems every time I read the news now, there is some man who has molested yet another kid, or has child porn or something sick like that.


The reason men are in the news for stuff like that more is simply because men do more of everything in general. Good or bad.


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

Mr Invisible said:


> yep I had this after being in all boys school, It definately came around by just not socialising with girls. seems to be quite a trend developing here maybe it is best to send kids to mixed schools to get used to being around the other sex at an early age? (casually stumbling across a revelation lol)


Yeah, maybe...

I only went to a mixed school from the age of 13 and then there weren't many girls in my year either, and on top of that I was shy of course anyway but I don't really think any of the girls were particularly the kind of people I'd be likely to become friends/acquaintances with much anyway.

College then was pretty much the same.

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of girls/women but I guess not really having much social experience, it's possible I might start to worry and convince myself I have reasons to be shy/anxious if I ever really did start to get female friends (need friends of any kind first tho -_-) because of the novelty and worry about a new thing... meh, I dunno.



mint said:


> And when I glanced up e had the weirdest look on his face but actually sat down next to me. I didn't look at him or say anything for the rest of the class, and for the rest of the semester he sat on the complete opposite side of the room.


Lolz, hard luck.

That's another thing that's annoying though... when particularly the same people ask you the same question regularly, but rephrase it so you have to think about if the same answer is a yes or a no this time.
e.g. "Will I lock the door?" versus, "Will I leave the door open?" :roll.
Then even when you know what they're asking you have to make sure you're hearing it phrased correctly instead of just answering...



Droidsteel said:


> The reason men are in the news for stuff like that more is simply because men do more of everything in general. Good or bad.


That's kind of a thing too.

You never hear as much in such conversations about the men who capture paedophiles/rapists/murderers/whatever and that it's mostly men doing that. Or take that recent gang rape in India and how many men are angry and protesting, or the policeMAN who lost his life trying to keep order.

At the end of the day... I think it's important to remember that if you want to find something in terms of reasons to believe things or reasons to feel a certain way about something, then you're definitely going to find it no matter what it is.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I am too.


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## psychofanatic (Dec 17, 2012)

We don't bite  (unless you're into that and want us to )


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

I sometimes feel intimated by woman's beauty. But I consider most women to be kind and innocent to be feared. Women are the best friends because you can talk about inner/psychological things, spirituality and life and not just materialism, cars, girls, sex and most male things  I appreciate woman's presence, beauty, spirituality and intelligence. If that makes me gay so be it


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## Skoomax (Aug 28, 2012)

I guess it's because of the fact that not everyone's Ryan Gosling.




Just kidding.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

I am afraid of adult men.

I have my reasons


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## Amity (Dec 28, 2012)

To be honest, I don't have a problem with the ugly ones. Same with girls. They're just less intimidating. That probably makes me superficial. Not sure though, because I also like unattractive people more. 

Girls who look ok I'm fine with as well. 

BUT guys who look ok-attractive and girls who are super attractive intimidate me so much I won't talk to them even if I sit right beside them in every class. I just avoid them or don't look at them. Sometimes I'll purposefully drive them away. :S I am so uncomfortable and awkward around them, I've planned my future without a husband. 

I do have one guy friend, though. He is, in my opinion, semi-attactive, and I don't have the least bit of fear talking to him. But he's been my friend since grade 7(I'm in gr.10 now). I have never had any other guy friends since I started having social anxiety.


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## atal (Dec 28, 2012)

if it helps, i don't know how to talk to a girl properly, without angering them in some manner...


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## Mandachii (Nov 29, 2012)

It's crazy how I can relate to so many people here. I have the same problem with men too. I'm not necessarily afraid of them, but I have a hard time approaching them and talking to them. I can talk to them just fine if they approach me first and I've even dated one last year, but unless if they have the same interests as me, it's hard for me to relate to them and I end up being extremely awkward around them. ESPECIALLY if they're really good looking. 

My main problem is that I don't have any male friends AT ALL. I feel like I always annoy and repel them.  I could have had a great friendship with one particular guy around March of this year. We meet on campus and I swear it was like knowing someone for a long time, even though you've only meet once. It's crazy how much we had in common, and there was never an instant where it was silent or awkward between us. It was the most relaxed and comfortable I've ever felt around a guy, and I was really looking forward to getting to know him and being friends with him. But he never followed up on our arrangement to meet up again, and eventually stopped talking to me and ignored every single one of my messages from then on. I still feel sad about it because we had so much potential to be great friends, and I honestly feel like it was all my fault. I ruined everything. :\


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I am deathly afraid of boys as well. Only the ones I perceive as good looking or atleast decent looking. I don't know why. I'm even scared sh*tless around my crush. I just can't be around him without feeling sick to my stomach. It sucks.


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## Skoomax (Aug 28, 2012)

Paloma M said:


> I am deathly afraid of boys as well. Only the ones I perceive as good looking or atleast decent looking. I don't know why. I'm even scared sh*tless around my crush. I just can't be around him without feeling sick to my stomach. It sucks.


I guess that explains why some girls look scared when I'm near.


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## dairymilk (Apr 3, 2013)

I'm exactly the same, unfortunately. 
I spent practically my whole life in a girls school, totally secluded from boys and the outside world. Although i could have stayed for six form i didn't, i was completely sick of the cattiness that goes on in a girls school. So anyway, i went to college and managed to meet a few nice friends (that are girls) 
however, whenever we're in class the teacher always puts in groups so i'm working with both girls and boys, i go really nervous, and feel intimidated by the fact I'm working with boys..sounds stupid, i know. 
the worst part of it, is that i really like this boy in our class, he's very outgoing and popular, and i feel so intimidated just saying ' hello' how do i get round this?


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Jesus F. Christ. I mean, I'm 28 so maybe you can write me off as some disgusting old man...but are you crazyy?

Men want sex so bad. They want women like crazy. I tell you, if anyone can use sexuality against anybody it's women. Men are fools. You don't know what you got! You can kick anybody's ***! Trust me.

You should absolutely not worry about something like this. If I were a woman I'd probably be scared of men because they're too into me. No matter what you think...you're always under consideration. Cos that's what we're like. Don't trust us.


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## Nonsensical (Mar 29, 2013)

If you want to practice CBT you can always just send me a message. I'm very friendly.










In all seriousness though maybe we should encourage people on these forums to communicate privately more often. You never know, it could help.


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## MusingForX (Apr 3, 2013)

As a guy i dont trust anyone. The same for many girls. We hold our hand hoping for that perfect bet but no one is rasing a stake.
Someone has to play in the end.

I can play first because screw it. They either raise call or hold.
When im about to take home, i fold because it was just a game to start with.

For many thats enough. You dont have to put anything of yourselff in the game.
There is no risk unless you become involved.


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## Hematite (Apr 2, 2013)

Old thread, but they're pretty much just your brothers, your nephews, your uncles, etc, minus the "family" part.


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## smash (Jul 9, 2012)

i agree with what someone else said '' i have planned my future without a husband''

I tell everyone 'i dont want to get married' truth is... i always wanted a family, marriage , kids and all that but now i can just never see it happening. my anxiety feels like an actual heart attack, i just cant relax or breath around some guys. 

I actually have considered dying my hair darker (its bleached blonde) and dressing more conservatively so guys wont consider me an option. i know theyll read this like 'WTF is wrong with you ' ha thats the point! i dont know .

#foreveralone


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## green9206 (May 13, 2013)

Am scared of girls too ..


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

You're only 16. You shouldn't be talking to boys anyways. Get back to your studies!


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## pinoyAko (May 5, 2013)

I'm also afraid of the opposite sex


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## undercover latino (Feb 18, 2010)

yooo don't worry... a lot of men are scared/intimidated by girls anyway.. the men who got balls will often make the first move and try and be funny.

you girls can use your sexuality to let men come towards you, while the men who have less balls (like me), just keep staring at you girls hoping that you will make the first move.. unless of course you are super attractive.. then i will probably be straight to the point and super serious so i don't have to talk to any longer than necessary.

I truly hate it when i am walking on the streets and i see a super attractive girl coming towards me, i become so self conscious its ridiculous.


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## azureyoshi (Dec 26, 2012)

[redacted]


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## ging3randfabulous (Mar 7, 2015)

*i feel you*

same here! all of my friends are girls the only guys i ever like have been around have been relatives.. i can carry a conversation with them but saying "hi" to even one that could be friend just gives me so anxiety... like i don't understand myself. and i'm gonna be a freshman in college in the fall, i don't know how i'm gonna handle all the college guys...guys are usually intimidated by me so when one takes the effort to talk or ask me out i don't know how to react and it's just so stupid and childish :///


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## idekw (Sep 4, 2015)

jimity said:


> This shyness died down a lot after I left school but when I was your age I had horrendous shyness of females my own age or similar ages, a large part of it was because I would blush around them and therefore I felt like I was "giving myself away" in terms of uncontrollably revealing my sexual attraction for them. But this might have just been because girls and guys are different in gender. This is therefore a novel situation and can activate the fear response simply because of the novelty of it. This classic child-like shyness has now been replaced by more of a high mistrust and hostile fear of them plus I find it hard to relate to them and they feel like they are aliens to me or vice versa.
> 
> You should look at guys as not people who are better than you in anyway. They eat, sleep, crap and fart just like everyone else. Don't look at them as the species that your gender mates with since this is often the the core reason for all the shyness in the first place. But also remember that you are a female and think of what role you play. I'm saying when you go after a guy you need to relate to the guy as a female with basic instincts or 'needs', no shame about expressing the need for love and affection. Do you judge how guys comes across? Probably not. They probably also don't sit there judging you how you talk to them. Remember that most guys and girls will feel shy with one another but many can just hide it well enough away. Are you shy of being shy around guys? If you are then this is simply shame of being shy. This will amplify your fear. Embracing your shyness is the best option here or just pretend to be confident because people take others at face value. Perhaps the best way to talk to the guy is to do the old eye contact thing with him and see how he responds. Then you will have to make your move and the best way is to dive into the deep end, ie, get straight to the point. No small talk since this could leave you losing your nerve. Conversations can die because fear can make you freeze up and not want to say anything for fear of judgement or simply you have very little to talk about. You might need to do things together. But having nothing to talk about will normally dissipate once you get intimate and sexual intimacy helps with getting to know the other gender better and seeing what all the fuss is about with them. Lacking experience with guys, when you interact with them, a vacuum is created that anxiety moves in to fill. Once you rake up experience with them, the vacuum is filled with past knowledge.
> 
> Though here is a nice little trick to help you feel better around guys. You first need a stimuli to associate the good feelings you will activate when you need them. You can use a rubber band for this. You basically imagine something in the past or imagine a scenario that makes you feel confident, happy, proud etc about yourself. Any good feelings. Then at the height of these feelings, snap the rubber band that you place around your wrist. You need to use the same area of your body for this. And you need to practice this for at least a few weeks before you can instantly call up those postitive feelings when you need them. The next time you cannot do something because you feel way too shy then you snap the rubber band and it should cause the positive feelings to push the negative ones out of the way.


What you wrote was really helpful


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

...BOO!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Yeah well, I'm still more or less shy around girls my age. I'm not afraid of them in a sense they can do me physical harm or rob me/overpower me--no. It's more along the lines of fear that they will label me a man to fear. I have this immature need to be liked by as many people as I can and it just sort of pains me to feel like I'm someone who can't be trusted.


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## MAlinka (Sep 3, 2015)

Don't know why but I find it much easier to talk with other girls...I don't even have any close male friends, except for the online ones


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## coxon (Dec 6, 2013)

I used to be terrified of boys and relationships. I remember one time when I was 14 a boy asked me to dance with him at summer camp but I felt so anxious and panicky that i ran from him and locked myself in my room. After that he tried to approach me a couple of times but I would always avoid him. God, was that awkward.


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## Contraries (May 21, 2015)

coxon said:


> I used to be terrified of boys and relationships. I remember one time when I was 14 a boy asked me to dance with him at summer camp but I felt so anxious and panicky that i ran from him and locked myself in my room. After that he tried to approach me a couple of times but I would always avoid him. God, was that awkward.


Good going. You probably messed him by doing that.


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## coxon (Dec 6, 2013)

Contraries said:


> Good going. You probably messed him by doing that.


Nah.. He and his friends would always laugh and point at me when I walked by. I'm sure he's doing fine


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I get where you're coming from. My parents wanted me to focus on my studies and not let girls be a distraction for me which is why I was sent to an all boy Catholic high school. I swear, my friends and I would just talk about girls every day and what our weekend plans should be to try and meet girls. When I got into college, I was not used to having girls in the classroom and there were a lot of cute ones. It was astonishing.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

luffy said:


> come on we're not so bad.


Y'all kinda are...i try to not generalize for the few good guys out there but 80% of yall are dogs lol...

and still my kryptonite at the same time &#128522;

can't live with em and can't live without them..


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

So is the problem for females the presence of sexual tension? Because I think that would be the problem for most guys. 

And of course, a lot of the things that you have in common with the same sex you obviously don't have in common with the opposite sex.

I would just focus on the things you have in common. And it sounds like some of you (not that I am at all good at it) should try and get used to casual harmless flirting.


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## bintuae (Feb 25, 2012)

I feel you. I'm a quiet nerdy kinda girl but when I think about being confident talking to guys its like being a ****. I know its not true but I can't help thinking this way. Its alot worse when im attracted to the guy or he shows interest. I feel like my lust is obvious. What I do is uglify myself and act like im not interested lol it helps sometimes.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Only boys I'm interested in scare me, which is really annoying.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Oh obviously ladies, the way to overcome this is to picture said scary boy in his underwear.

Age old wisdom haha.


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## Nilufar (Jan 17, 2014)

We are maybe in the same boat.. I partly blame my religious background for not knowing how to flirt with boys and have a relationship.. Sex is bad.. Sex is only after marriage. Stay a virgin until marriage.. don't ever be tempted by a guy. Guys will appreciate you so much more when you are a virgin. We even had student's books with pictures, always depicting a religious girls as beautiful angels, and the contrary as ugly and non attractive  

Actually, just came to tell you you're not alone. For me it came with practice. The more I talked to guys the more it was easier. Yeah, online is a good start. No body language that would show them my awkwardness  If you are lucky, some of them will approach you first ^^


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Gojira said:


> Oh obviously ladies, the way to overcome this is to picture said scary boy in his underwear.
> 
> Age old wisdom haha.


That would get me all hot and bothered and I might start dry humping them and get arrested,


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

nomi said:


> That would get me all hot and bothered and I might start dry humping them and get arrested,


Yh, but girls don't like sex.

Scientific fact.

I saw it in Reader's Digest Bahaha.


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