# Therapist flirting with me?



## missdel (Mar 17, 2012)

My fourth session with my university psychiatrist has taken on an entirely new vibe. he is friendly, smart and eccentric, i noticed things in our third session that led to intense erotic transference for him. I had no feelings before out third session, but I decided to mention being paranoid of my father having sexual feelings towards me as a child. He spent the rest of the session asking about my sex life, offering helpful analysis. I realise the nature of this discussion would bring up sexual feelings of father-daughter to patient-client transference. 

I'm a model and before this, I smiled at him and he appeared all over the place then looked away, after that seemed to take a shining to me! Fourth session, he swanned to his chair and in a very surprisingly loving exasperated tone, announced 'and here we are again!', so overpoweringly I couldn't look him in the face. He's very skilled but is he possibly becoming a bit lovesick? I keep smiling at him because I can't stop feeling flustered! He was abrupt balanced with occasional sweetness in our first two sessions but its now personal like hes come alive. I am 21, he is mid forties, hes showing these little boyish traits. He slipped out he likes my smile, then said laugh, to analyse why laughing may be defensive in facing emotions. He's professional in discussion, but his dreamful tone makes me feel very confused! Am i projecting? I'm pretty good at recognizing when men like me as most I've though have always confirmed so, apart from that memory with my dad! I'm not generally paranoid, I rarely think men do like me due to low self-esteem


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I don't think he should be,your going for help not to get hit on.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

see a female therapist


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## ainsleigh (Dec 6, 2011)

Trust your gut. You are probably right. Energy may be invisible, but you can definitely feel it.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

No, therapists are meant to make you feel comfortable and as open as possible. He's just trying to make you feel at home in what can be a very intidimidating environment.


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## Michael127 (Dec 10, 2011)

If you are talking about fear of incest issues, then maybe you are transferring some of those fears onto him. Counselling can be confusing sometimes. If he starts putting his hand on your leg, then you might want to seek out other people to talk to.


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## slimswavy (Mar 21, 2012)

NatureFellow said:


> No, therapists are meant to make you feel comfortable and as open as possible. He's just trying to make you feel at home in what can be a very intidimidating environment.


this.


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## slimswavy (Mar 21, 2012)

wow, good article and so true


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## Cassabell (Dec 14, 2011)

He's just doing his job and being friendly and nice. maybe acting boyish etc is part of him making himself and yourself comfortable. It doesnt really sound like flirting to me....hes being friendly.


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## CoolSauce (Mar 6, 2012)

slimswavy said:


> wow, good article and so true


oh sorry I must've deleted it just before you finished that post :\

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/unplugged/2011/12/borderline-personality-disorder-erotic-transference/


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

I would also take the advice of seeing a female therapist also. You seem confused or infatuated with him when you should be seeking help for your problem, Idk.


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## CoolSauce (Mar 6, 2012)

I've read a 15 page long PDF file about the transference thing last evenening and realised why I was feeling those feelings.

Today my therapist (something else but idk what it's called in English) proposed to take a walk around the block and I said 'kay' we talked normally and I didn't feel any (delusional) romantic feelings towards her at all.

oh the arcticle which I've read: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...r_grYp&sig=AHIEtbS-C5EXiJZYYzDYW22P0urECknfng

it feels strange to read a thing written by a psychologist while I'm supposed to be the patient and not even supposed to know these things.. it's like looking into a mirror and not being happy with what you see in it


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## BarryLyndon (Jun 29, 2010)

From your post, it doesn't seem like you have any animosity towards your therapist. The worst I can tell was you got flustered. And from what I see he hasn't been forward about anything yet. Perhaps after the sensitive subject was brought up, you was looking for any slight changes in his demeanor that might reveal his evaluation on it. Maybe it his way of comforting you and letting you know it's okay to talk about such personal details of your life. For sake of discussion, lets say he became cold and wouldn't look in your eyes after what was said. I would suspect it would make you uncomfortable. It is possible that he may be becoming infatuated; being that your a model. If you truly feel this way, the next session I would drop little hints about how you feel about a relationship right now. "I'm not looking for a man right now" or "I don't think I can see myself with an older man" might be something you can throw out there. He is evaluating and he will catch those hints rather quickly. If worse comes to worse, like majority reasoning has already stated, look into finding a female therapist. Hope all goes well though


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

you should get a new therapist. Your therapist shouldn't be have feeling for you like that or a least not showing it. If he's showing it or have feeling it can affect his performance. The question about your sex life prolly that he ask to entertain himself. Not good. It sound like he tried to use it to make it SEEM like he was trying to help you WITHOUT helping himself... On top of that he can't contain his feeling for you which show how much control he have for his actions and feelings. Cmon now, he's falling lovesick for ya while trying or THINKING he trying to help you with your life. Not good.... Next thing you know, a month from now he asking you for your number and trying to take you on a date. Cmon now, are you serious? That type of actions aint going to help you get over social anxiety.
Believe that.

Just cut him off. Cut him off. Cut him off. Cut..him...off.


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## UKPhobe (Oct 22, 2008)

Wouldn't be the first therapist to abuse their position and trust so I suppose it's possible. 


No offense intended to the OP but it's also possible she's seeing something that isn't actually happening. With conditions like SA it's easy to mistake interactions for something other then they really are. Obvious we can't know for sure without seeing this for ourselves. 


To emphasise I'm not saying I don't believe the OP just that I know from experience that these things can be misinterpreted.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Unlike most people here, I say continue going and see how the therapy works out. My guess is you ARE projecting. The day will come where your crush goes away and you'll wonder how you could've mistaken his acting silly for "boyish cuteness." If things get uncomfortable, or especially if he touches you in any way (other than just on your shoulder or back as you leave) such as holding hands, hugging or anything else, then run as fast as you can out of there. Also, you could try not talking about sex at all and see if he keeps bringing it up--that would be a bad sign too.

This story hits home with me. I had attractions to older men when I was your age. I had a transference crush on a male therapist in my 30s that lasted for quite a while. It felt VERY real. But after it dissolved, I actually felt stupid about it, like OMG, how could I have thought...? Yuck. And I have projected an awful lot over my life so I kind of know what it looks and feels like, so that's why I'm guessing you're projecting. And I think part of you knows you are--which shows how insightful you are.

Coincidentally, I had a 4 or 5th session with a male therapist yesterday. I am seeing him for a few months while my female therapist is on maternity leave. So I know it's just temporary and told myself there is no point in getting attached to him at all. But after yesterday, I see he's actually helping me, and I like him (not in that way, lol). So now I'm a little worried I won't want to go back to my old therapist because i like this one better. The reason I'm mentioning it is, I wonder if around the 4th hour, they start to appear different, more relaxed with us patients, you know, beyond the first meeting and starting to get to really know us. Then they may feel more comfortable with us too. IDK. 

Anyway, I say stick it out for a while and see how the actual therapy goes. I wouldn't jump to a conclusion about his feelings so fast either. Yes, you are probably beautiful, but most healthy 40 yr old's aren't attracted to daughter-figures. And hopefully he is a healthy and effective therapist. Good luck!


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Pam said:


> . Also, you could try not talking about sex at all and see if he keeps bringing it up--that would be a bad sign too.


I don't agree that this would be a bad sign. She admitted to have some sexual confusion with her father & such. That is a huge thing for a therapist to hear & of course, a therapist is gonna want to talk about that & how she feels about sex etc.

It doesn't sound like he's flirting at all. It sounds like he's trying to be nice & comforting. It seems like maybe the OP is projecting onto this. Especially as she was paranoid about her father being attracted to her - this is like textbook transference. The therapist is an older male, taking on the "role" of a father - so the paranoia that she had towards her father, could be resurfacing as a paranoia onto the therapist. Just something to think about.

Regardless of all that - OP, if you are that uncomfortable with the situation, definitely go see a female therapist. If you choose to stay, then you should bring up your fears to the therapist. If it's transference, then he'll be able to help with that.


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## kpx0 (Mar 12, 2012)

MobiusX said:


> see a female therapist


This.
Generally seeing a therapist of your own gender is the most appropriate. For many reason really, eliminating potential sexual issues like this one being one of them.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

he's trying to make you open up, it's his job


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

It's a very common occurance for a client to become attracted to their therapist, but you have to remember that they are there to help you as professionals. For a therapist/doctor/teacher to form a relaionship with a client it's actually illegal, not to mention highly unprofessional.


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## Sovius (Jan 16, 2012)

Try not to look at it that way. If you feel uncomfortable seek a new therapist. But people will react regardless if they think you are beautiful.


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## borbiusle (Sep 26, 2009)

Trust your gut. If you feel like you're being hit on, you probably are. He's a therapist, but he's human too and is probably catching feelings and putting out that flirt vibe, can't blame him :b. Find you a female therapist.


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