# Would you date someone with SA?



## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Probably been a topic that’s come up on here about a billion times, yet here it is again! Well, would you? What’s your thoughts?


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

Yep


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Sure.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

yes 

bonus pts if they have manic depression and paranoia


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

Yes.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Did before

Would again, the SA wasn't the problem.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

of course, i dont care if you are sa, depressive or w/e. just so long that isnt _all_ you are. sa doesnt mean you cant have fun, do things and have to be super down all the time.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

My preference would be someone as f***ed up as I am. So, SA, depression, agoraphobia, misanthropy... I'd welcome it all -- especially if it's an all-in-one sort of deal~ 

This probably isn't a good idea, though, and dating isn't something I'm particularly interested in at this time.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Yes but she'd have to be like me and be dedicated to not letting SA control her.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Yes, she would probably understand me and the way I am. So she wouldn't think there's something wrong with me and that would ease things a lot, I would not feel judged. Besides, I would not have the pressure to be more social than I am, which is a plus.

On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be the best for her though. I believe the way to get better with sa is by challenging the fears we have. I probably wouldn't be able to help her with that, considering my lack of social life or will to be outdoors most of the time.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Actually, i'd prefer one because then they'd be less likely to be outgoing and more likely to have similar interests and lifestyle to mine. Though there is a difference between someone who has, say, AvPD and actively trying to break out of it, and someone who's comfortable with not being social.


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## donzen (May 13, 2014)

Yeah.

Having no-one that understands me is depressing.


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## bubbletea (May 31, 2014)

definitely... wish i met someone with SA and we could get along/understand each other better. instead of the outgoing people who you can never compete with and they just begin to look at you strangely before leaving you alone


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## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't think I'd date someone unless they had SA.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

I voted yes.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yes, but can't be a super quiet type.


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## Marko3 (Mar 18, 2014)

Yeash.. if the girl showed interest in getting better with her SA... and in general kind and hopeful about future.. yes I would date her..


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## Hildegard1991 (Jul 16, 2014)

Yes, I would love to meet a guy with SA so I wouldn't feel pressured to change faster than I am ready for. Actually, are there any dating sites where I could do that?


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Of course, I strongly prefer it in a partner.


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## midnightson (Nov 6, 2013)

I'd date a girl with SA, sure. I wouldn't expect it to ever work out though. In the past I've never gotten along with other quiet people even when I try to carry the conversation. If she couldn't be herself around me then it's a waste of time.


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## jondoe (Jul 2, 2014)

I wish I had gone after girls like that when I was younger. I always picked girls that were super high functioning and outgoing. Of course it never worked out in the end. I would def. rather be with someone more like me although in my defense I didn't know they existed before this site.


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## donzen (May 13, 2014)

Hildegard1991 said:


> Yes, I would love to meet a guy with SA so I wouldn't feel pressured to change faster than I am ready for. Actually, are there any dating sites where I could do that?


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## ByStorm (Oct 22, 2013)

Yes. Si. Oui. 是.


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## pentagonman (Mar 10, 2014)

yes

I am surprised that a that a majority of women with SA would prefer men with SA. That just tells me my thinking is wrong when it comes to women.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeah. Though, I honestly don't agree with the other extreme of only dating people with SA that seems pretty common. I would definitely need her to understand my SA and I would prefer her to be on the introverted side, but I definitely wouldn't make having a mental illness one of my requirements to date someone.


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## SADtg (May 29, 2014)

komorikun said:


> Yes, but can't be a super quiet type.


What ?! 
Having SA basically means you're super quiet.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

I actually like ...


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Yeah I probably would. It would be good to have a person be able to relate in a lot of ways instead of them always thinking you are strange for avoiding certain situations for instance.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

SADtg said:


> What ?!
> Having SA basically means you're super quiet.


Not true. A lot of shy people once you get them warmed up will chatter away.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

No, they have cooties.


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## ToeSnails (Jul 23, 2013)

The poll is kind of hard to understand.

"Guy - Yes" 
e.g. you'd date a guy?
or
you'd date a girl, you being the guy?

--

On topic -
I imagine it would be fun. I could make it work. In the long term, if there's no sign of improvement of SA, it wouldn't be as fun, though. You'd have the same routine over and over and over. It will just be draining.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

ToeSnails said:


> The poll is kind of hard to understand.
> 
> "Guy - Yes"
> e.g. you'd date a guy?
> ...


It's actually a cleverly disguised "sexual orientation" poll.


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## Arkiasis (Jun 29, 2013)

Yes, because it would be a lot easier to relate and understand eachother.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

SADtg said:


> What ?!
> Having SA basically means you're super quiet.





komorikun said:


> Not true. A lot of shy people once you get them warmed up will chatter away.


Yeah, I'm that way. I'm _extremely_ quiet and boring around people I'm not used to...But when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, I become really talkative and joke around a lot. :b


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## i am error (Jul 21, 2014)

As a guy, I'm actually pretty conflicted on this, though I'm in the minority.

On the one hand, I think a girl with SA might be more understanding of my issues without judging me. But on the other hand, if we're both going through SA, there's a risk that we'll only really stick with each other and never have much of an outside social life with other people. Kind of like one of my college relationships, where we'd always hang out in each other's dorm rooms, but didn't socialize all that much with other people in our dorm. And if she had SA to the point of coming off as cold and distant when I was trying to date her, it would be tough to make the relationship work (and I'd feel like I'm doing all the work, something I don't like).


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Yes


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I'd say that almost every single member would date someone with SA. But, at what cost?


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## ghoskin (Jun 20, 2014)

yeah but the odds of meeting someone with sa are pretty slim. If i don't have friends and don't socialize and they're the same! spose there is the miracle of the interweb


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Yes. I currently am and I prefer it. Dating someone who isn't like me would feel like dating another species. SA people are the only people I understand and get along with.


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## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

ghoskin said:


> yeah but the odds of meeting someone with sa are pretty slim.


Agreed.
I think I would date someone with SA. It would be especially awesome if we could help encourage and support each other instead of feeding off each others' insecurities. 
Seriously though, where am I going to find that outside of this forum?


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## stillalive6 (Jun 30, 2014)

I once thought having a shy or socially anxious date would be awesome. Really, I completely understand looking for anything in common. My girlfriend of two years seemed to 'get it' and be shy herself. Turns out that social anxiety wasn't her issue at all. This was someone who felt emotions so intensely to the point that the expressions and responses of others elicit a whirlwind of emotions.

She has borderline personality disorder, attempted to violently slit her wrists open right in front of me several times, try to encourage other men to visit my place of residence and murder me, and made it clear if I reported her behaviors to anyone that she would kill herself and make sure I knew it would be all my fault. The only thing I saw the first year of knowing her was a sweet person who seemed socially anxious - it took over a full year to recognize it was for all the wrong reasons. By then it was too late.

So TL;DR - What appears to be SA might be something else entirely.

looking for something in common with a date must go deeper than SA to include a genuine connection such as introversion, sincere compassion, _(compassion being a person can search deep within themselves to understand you and what social anxiety is like), _and not superfluous things like disordered behavior. Not to mention there's a difference between being an awesome person yourself and understanding a disorder versus seeking out a disorder which is incredibly unhealthy.


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

Absolutely.. I think it's cute that someone is shy or don't talk much or have a lot more on their mind than in their mouth(Don't take it wrong) But It's interesting to hear about things and share things about personality that hasn't been shared as much.. It much more interesting than someone who is really good a talking.. 

I'd rather be with someone shy to talk than to be with someone who looks down on me. I like being the one who supports and helps my partner rather than being helped by my partner.. Tho all I really need from my partner is comfort and.. .yea... sex.. >.< SSSHhh Don't say it..


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Sure I would. At least he'd understand why I'm such a mess (well, somewhat) and even better, he would be able to empathize with me.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Why not.


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## DannyBoy64 (May 5, 2014)

I don't mind dating someone with SA.


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## Emma2040 (Apr 20, 2010)

Yes.


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## Uncertain (Aug 2, 2014)

If he lets me help him, then yes. I would enjoy being his personal cheerleader and helping him overcome it. He would have to return the favor as well. We gotta have each others' back. 
I just don't want that situation where he makes it his whole life and likes to use it as an excuse not to do something. There's a difference between trying to do something while having SA, and then just pulling the SA card.


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## lethe1864 (Jun 25, 2014)

Yes, we can share our mutual awkwardness 
It just makes it easier cause you dont have to explain as much why youre social anxious, they already get it


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## nithiya (Aug 2, 2014)

Yes definitely.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

My preference, actually. 

I would assume she wouldn't SA with me, and I would be outgoing with her.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Uncertain said:


> If he lets me help him, then yes. I would enjoy being his personal cheerleader and helping him overcome it. He would have to return the favor as well. We gotta have each others' back.
> I just don't want that situation where he makes it his whole life and likes to use it as an excuse not to do something. There's a difference between trying to do something while having SA, and then just pulling the SA card.


That would be my fear too. I know how life is with SA and I know she'd probably have setbacks too, I just wouldn't want to be with someone who feels defeated by it.


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## Young Cat Lady (Jul 21, 2014)

Hell yes, I would! I wish my boyfriend understood where I came from, he thinks I "think too much and just need to calm down and let it flow". Dude if it were that easy, I'd be a damn river. All I want is to be natural and let it flow. Pfft. He doesn't really understand 'cause he is pretty normal, he has friends, he doesn't ever stay depressed for long etc. One thing I've noticed about him, is that he is selfish and can be very childish; two very big problems for me.


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## Juschill (Jul 25, 2014)

i would because ,we'd both be able to understand each other when one of us was going through something and we could try to be it together


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## sazombie (Aug 2, 2014)

Most guys find shy girls very cute and submissive. I doubt any chick would find that appealing in a guy past high school age


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Yes, I can't see myself with a normie. And honestly I just posted in this thread so I could type normie again. normie normie normie. Does that make me a weirdie? I think I would be ok with that.


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

I've got a crush on someone with "SA", so yes.

She's a total cutie, and I think I could love her. Maybe. I dunno. She's perfect. Like in every way.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I reckon so...lol but I'm old...


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I dated someone with SA who was also suicidal. I also dated someone who was bipolar. I was with both of them for 5 years. Dating someone who only had SA would be a walk in the park.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

yeah as long as they had big boots, I don't mind at all


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## Uncertain (Aug 2, 2014)

Jesuszilla said:


> That would be my fear too. I know how life is with SA and I know she'd probably have setbacks too, I just wouldn't want to be with someone who feels defeated by it.


 Oh yeah. The idea of a defeated person who's let Social Anxiety claim them can fill you with depression. Maybe a bit of hopelessness or pity.
Best to avoid that. >.>


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Before I would've said no but lately I've realized that is the only chance I have of getting a girl, and I've warmed up to the idea because I realized another girl with SA is the only type of girl who would understand me and who I could tell everything about me.


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## juvefan (Aug 5, 2014)

Yes, we can order in and lay in bed all day > 

But i guess it depends. All my social anxiety symptoms go away when im in a relationship and I like to travel and go out with my SO.


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## sazombie (Aug 2, 2014)

Maybe if he's extremely handsome will an SA girl settle for dating an SA guy


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