# I'm way too attached to my girlfriend, I hate it and need it stop.



## gabe9

Hi, thanks in advance for reading this. 

I have a major problem brewing right now and its that I've become extremely attached to my girlfriend and its killing me. We see each other 3-4 times a week, she lives 4 miles away.. Shes attached to me as well but probably in a normal way, thats not the case with me. Nonetheless I've been with girls I've seen once a week and felt completely content but this girl I feel miserable when I'm away from her. 

Let me give you another example, it was last week. She always texts me when she makes it to work to let me know that she made it and is safe. I do the same thing. But this one day last week I didn't receive a text from her and I couldn't even function at work. I was worried, I felt unloved, I just had a ton of horrible thoughts. I was literally feeling ill all because I didnt receive a text from her. Seriously what the hell, right?

More examples are I get really sad when I know we're gonna be away from each other 2-3 days. She went on a vacation to the Midwest and was gone for a week and I dreaded it. I'm becoming too dependent on her and too attached.. 

I need some advice on what I can do to not be so overly attached and still continue to be with her. Cause I love this girl and have good intentions but living like this is becoming unbearable. 

I hope I'm not alone here.


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## Lasair

How long have you been seeing each other for? It might just be like a honeymoon period and it will pass. does she know about it?


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## gabe9

I should of mentioned that, intended too. 

We've been seeing each other for 9 months. The unhealthy attachment feelings didn't REALLY start til about 3 months ago and it seems like it increases with time. 

She sort of knows about it, I haven't discussed the true extent of my attachment issues. I have mentioned that it seems like I miss her a lot more than she misses me when we're not together. She says we just express ourselves differently.


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## odd_one_out

Have you been mistreated or let down by past friends or girlfriends? That can feed insecurity and obsession.

Is there any objective reason to doubt her commitment or is it just anxiety?

When people are inconsistent or forget to call as usual, it flares up my GAD and I get the same symptoms. It's really uncomfortable. I reckon it's largely due to having all one's eggs in one or two baskets. It would severely disrupt life if I lost my friend or something significant changed about our relationship. I know it'd create a severe, maybe dangerous, grief reaction - of course I'm going to worry at relatively small signs.

The trick is to get into the habit of not dwelling or predicting the future and especially suspending judgment. Learn to tolerate the unknown by continually telling yourself there's no evidence for your specific fears even though you don't feel that's true - there are various alternative explanations as to why someone doesn't call or express themselves a certain way. Accept time will have to pass before knowing what's happened and suspend reaching conclusions till then. Think the objective thoughts even when feeling really bad. With practise the brain can eventually be rewired to focus mostly on those thoughts and not imagine catastrophies in detail. It reduces the distress.

While doing this make your behaviours consistent with not worrying, even though it's not the case - refrain from checking and re-checking. Behave exactly as normal as though nothing's wrong. This reduces the symptoms. It takes time to alter the brain though. When with her, also refrain from excessive seeking of reassurance. The checking behaviours can become addictive and you'll never feel satisfied. I've been doing the above the last few days in particular during a tough situation. It's prevented a serious episode.


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## gabe9

I don't doubt her commitment.. Shes fine, she treats me great. I'm doubting my sanity and I dont want to mess this up. 

One thing you hit on the nose is reassurance. I'm always needing constant reassurance from her and I don't even understand why. It feels like its become habitual. How do I break the habit? any ideas?

I really appreciate your advice.


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## LostMoonOfPoosh

I turned away a girl from me because of how attached to her i got. It wasn't pretty. She said she just gets board of guys really quick(nice eh?) Honestly i think having good communication is a must. Tell her how you're feeling. And get her to tell you how she feels too. Lay it out on the table once in awhile. Not to often though. This will create trust. You have to be content with her answers or or going to get nowhere. Basically like odd_one_out said you have to live in the moment and not dwell on the past or the future because its unknowable. If in the present you have no reason to doubt your relationship then just relax and enjoy it. That's kinda my little bit of advice. Although I think odd_one_out hit the nail on the head for you. That's probably the best advice. im going to listen to that advice next time im in a relationship. I fall for girls really hard and i just end up getting hurt in the end.


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## odd_one_out

gabe9 said:


> I'm always needing constant reassurance from her and I don't even understand why. It feels like its become habitual. How do I break the habit? any ideas?


The evidence-based methods suggest gradually reducing seeking reassurance - it might be too hard to quit it suddenly. It takes some discipline but start by maybe reducing it by half.

The reassurances will never satisfy and only feed the problem, maintaining a feedback loop involving behaviour (doing the asking), thought (realising no reassurance can satisfy you 100%), feeling (getting anxious as a result of the remaining uncertainty), and back to behaviour (seeking more reassurance to reduce the anxiety). It's all part of the anxiety disorder pattern - healthier to quit it.


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## gabe9

odd_one_out said:


> The evidence-based methods suggest gradually reducing seeking reassurance - it might be too hard to quit it suddenly. It takes some discipline but start by maybe reducing it by half.
> 
> The reassurances will never satisfy and only feed the problem, maintaining a feedback loop involving behaviour (doing the asking), thought (realising no reassurance can satisfy you 100%), feeling (getting anxious as a result of the remaining uncertainty), and back to behaviour (seeking more reassurance to reduce the anxiety). It's all part of the anxiety disorder pattern - healthier to quit it.


Wow that really is the pattern I go through. That is the EXACT order my mind works when I need reassurances or something answered. You hit it on the nail.

Guess I'm really not alone here.. I've tried to reduce it, it eats at me and causes me anxiety and makes it hard for me to concentrate. I'm going to try really hard to stop this. I'm confident I can reduce this by a lot.

I swear talking about it helps, whenever I read a reply about this I start feeling better about it.


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## gabe9

odd one out,

you seem like a very smart individual. Another problem I have in this relationship is having bad thoughts.. It constant. 

I think of the things she did in the past, guys she has had sex with etc. It gets me jealous and I'm always thinking about it. Its very strange. I want to let go of the past but its like my mind dwells on it and its become habitual to think about it off and on all day.. 

Is there any hope for me?


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## LostMoonOfPoosh

There is always hope! Its all in your head and you're the one who controls that. You just cant let yourself think about that kind of stuff. The past doesnt matter anymore. Only the present. Speaking from experience I tend to dwell on the past a lot and it has brought nothing but sadness and regret. But we have to ask ourselves, will thinking about the past of ourselves or other people make us feel good or help us in the present or future? Everytime you start to have those thoughts you have to acknowledge that you're having it and then force yourself to stop it. It may take a few times but after awhile you wont even think about it anymore! Just keep repeating in your head, what good will thinking about what she did in the past do for me? And then tell yourself that she likes you now. 

Its your time to shine now man. She is with you and you get to make her happy. No other guy gets that privilege but you.


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## gabe9

So true, no good happens from thinking of the past. It causes nothing but problems.. 

One time her and I were having a very nice lunch out and my thoughts were eating me up alive and I had to question her about something in her past. It messed up our lunch out and I hated myself for it. I need for things like this to never happen again. 


you're right moon, sadness and regret. I get sad thinking about it, then I regret the actions of either bringing it up to my girlfriend or having it mess up a good time. Sadness then regret. I always regret it. 

I've been trying for some time pooch, nothing works. I have my good days and my bad but these thoughts arise periodically. I need to live IN THE MOMENT and not let past issues ruin present issues..

easier said then done. 

I really appreciate your post pooch.. It gave me a boost.


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## LostMoonOfPoosh

No problem man. I have done the exact same thing. It can be hard when we feel insecure and then your madly in love with someone. Ive been using the talking to myself in my mind thing for a few other areas of my social anxiety. Like telling yourself that everything is fine. Or stopping myself from thinking and dwelling on certain things. I liken it to learning to play an instrument. At first you suck and sound horrible! But if you keep doing it and practicing the skills develop and then you're really good! If you stop doing it because it doesn't work right away you wont get anywhere.

The key with your thoughts Is to get into the habit of realizing your thinking about bad stuff that bothers you. You just have to do that. For example anybody out there, even married people,would say that if they imagined their GF or wife in the past having sex with other men that this would seriously bother them. Were just not meant to think about that. And we can overcome it if we do. 

By the way the last part of my name is poosh, your one letter off. Im not a dog lol  Its from my fav TV show called doctor who! Its so epic haha. But its all good


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## LostMoonOfPoosh

Oh and your right! All this is easier said then done. But all good things in life require work and a little hardship. But it makes it so satisfying in the end when you accomplish it.


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## odd_one_out

gabe9 said:


> Another problem I have in this relationship is having bad thoughts.. It constant.
> 
> I think of the things she did in the past, guys she has had sex with etc. It gets me jealous and I'm always thinking about it. Its very strange. I want to let go of the past but its like my mind dwells on it and its become habitual to think about it off and on all day..


Do all those thoughts revolve around what she did sexually? Does she still have contact with any ex's that set off the thoughts? Do any of the thoughts and feelings revolve around insecurities about yourself in that department? Jealousy arises from insecurity.

I'd break down all the thoughts, maybe writing them, to see exactly what comprises the jealousy.

If you make the thoughts explicit, you'll likely find a train of thought with each one based on the previous.

For instance the thoughts I get when my friend is late (which is unusual) go as follows

Maybe she's calling that person again --> Maybe she's being persuaded to move there after all --> If that happens she'll start putting the lover first --> I'll be sitting alone every evening --> I'll start going insane --> People always abandon and lie that they won't - I'll never trust again --> I'll get old and die alone

It gets out of hand. The above is replete with baseless assumptions. For all I know, she's just busy or caught in traffic. There's no reason to doubt her word she won't abandon me - she's already put me before a lover before.

Examining each one objectively gives some insight into the problem. It can be done as it occurs until habitual. It saved my backside this week. In the past I'd have had a serious episode after what happened (not related to the above example), upsetting those around me at the same time.


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## gabe9

No thats the thing, she has no baggage at all!!! I will never meet another woman who has less baggage.. No ex bf's still around, no kids, nothing.... 

I dont think they revolve around insecurities about myself, maybe they do but I don't think so.. 


Thoughts I have are really irrational man. 

Like thinking about what she did with other guys. Thinking about details and getting jealous thinking she treated those guys as good as me. Really strange thoughts, I've never had these thoughts before.


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## odd_one_out

^ Those particular intrusive thoughts appear more OCD-related. It's worth getting that checked out if it's very persistent. 

Their bizarre nature might in itself be generating anxiety. If that's the case there are methods where you can learn to observe them as they happen without acting on them or pushing them away. That reduces their power. Try to accept they're happening and don't try to force yourself to not think them - just observe and notice how they're irrational, generated by anxiety.


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## gabe9

I've always thought I had levels of OCD.. What do I do about odd?


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## odd_one_out

^ You'd have to get an assessment to confirm or rule that out, or any other conditions. There are various treatment options.


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## aaronnn

Hi guys your posts have been very interesting, and i am currently going through the same things with my girlfriend. i constantly feel she is bored of me, or is talking to one of her exes, or that she will leave me on the fly. very hard to deal with everyday but i am working through it. i know my insecurity will drive her away if i dont get it under control soon.

Anyways you said you thought you may have OCD, but look into this is as well.

Im starting to think my behavior has progressed beyond my social anxiety and might be part of a a dependent personality disorder. i dont know much about it but if you look up the symptoms it involves much of these same thoughts, 
such as:
-fear of rejection
-fear of abandoment in relationships
-inferiority complex
-etc

just look it up and tell me what you think. its very new to me as well.


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## RainingCats

I think that I am going through the same exact thing as you and aaronnn are with my boyfriend. I have been through this before with previous boyfriends and when things ended it seemed like the end of the world. My advice would be to always prepare yourself for the event that she might brake up with you. This is what I do. I always have a feeling like my boyfriend is going to break up with me so that if it does happen it won't come as much of a surprise and I will be prepared for it.


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## aaronnn

yes i have been prepping myself for a breakup for a few weeks here actually, but get this... i starting feeling so insecure and jealous of her guy friends that i tried to leave her the other day. i couldnt believe it but she was devistated, and said i read the sitution all wrong. she even threw up because she was so upset that i wanted to end it. 

wierd how i somehow convinced myself that i was not good enough for her, and now when i try to break it off to protect myself from hurt, it turns out she never thought anything other than " wow i like him etc.." 

anyways, my point is its easy for us with SA to misconstrue situations. yes ive been cheated on before, and left for one of my friends etc ( thats were much of my insecurity comes from). but there are absolutely exceptions to those rules, and there are guys and girls out there who will like you for you, and stay with you. my last girl was like that, and its starting to seem like maybe my new girl is the same.

so my advice to you all is just be happy and be yourself, and dont over worry about if your significant other is happy or not. if she is not happy with the real you its not meant to be anyways.

being insecure and asking if they like you constantly may just self sabatoge the relationship. 

take my experience with a grain of salt, but hopefully ive helped relieve some stress from your mind.


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## gabe9

Being in Love is great and terrible, at the same time. 

Its a huge leap of faith, its easy to go through life not loving. Love is hard work.


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## gabe9

In bold are the symptoms I have..

Symptoms

People with this disorder do not trust their own ability to make decisions. They may be very upset by separation and loss. They may go to great lengths, even suffering abuse, to stay in a relationship.

Symptoms of dependent personality disorder may include:

*Avoiding being alone
*
*Avoiding personal responsibility
*
*Becoming easily hurt by criticism or disapproval*

*Becoming overly focused on fears of being abandoned*

Becoming very passive in relationships

*Feeling very upset or helpless when relationships end*

Having difficulty making decisions without support from others

Having problems expressing disagreements with others


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## aaronnn

yeah gabe its kinda like wow that describes how i feel alot of the time huh? when i read the symptoms they fit me to a T and i realized it was not healthy to be so attatched to people and dependent on them for my own happiness.

so ive been working on my self esteem, and trying to see the world as generally good people, and trying to see everyone as equally deserving hapiness and what not. its hard work but im getting better.

i dont think that this disorder has to be lifelong or ruin you life. i think its just an extension of SA that has gotten out of control. i have faith youll work through it like i am. i going to see a counselor to help me out with it soon. good luck.


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## gabe9

I wouldn't even know where to start working on this aaron. 

I just know it needs to be easier to be away from my girl.


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## odd_one_out

It appears you've not read the full criteria and description.


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## aaronnn

can you elaborate odd one out? me and gabe would both appreciate it i think. thanks.


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## odd_one_out

aaronnn said:


> can you elaborate odd one out? me and gabe would both appreciate it i think. thanks.


He listed criteria outlining the disorder in layman's terms but they weren't the official ones listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition (DSM IV-TR) or ICD-10. There are also additional criteria you're required to fulfill for the diagnosis of any personality disorder and general descriptions are provided along with the criteria, such as about it occurring in a wide variety of contexts and about onset. Diagnosis is more involved than a simple checklist.


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## jackm

*how are things now?*

Hey,

I just read all of this and I am wondering how things are going for you now Gabe?

I have been with my girlfriend now for 5 months, and just like you said, I started feeling this way about 3 months into the relationship. I have this terrible feeling like she doesn't like me as much as she did before, and she doesn't want to see me as much. Which she doesn't. We used to spend almost every night together. Now she stays with me maybe 2 or 3 nights a week, if that. She says she needs her own space sometimes, and she can't spend every night with me etc... but it was so much different before, and I miss how it was.

I have read a lot on this, and I think I need to act as if I don't care whether I see her or not, and never act jealous if she's going to be around another guy. That is hard tho. I wish I could show my undying love and affection for a woman and she would return it to me. Then I think, maybe I wouldn't if she gave it to me. It's like this ****ed up human condition, and we can't just love each other in a monogamous relationship without pushing one of the two away. I hate it.

She say's I'm starting to remind her of her ex by the way I am acting- As if I can't be without her, and I'm worried she might be talking to another guy. It's just feels like she doesn't feel the same, and I hate it. I wish the relationship could stay in honeymoon stage. She says she needs time to miss me- I miss here as soon as she leaves... I just need to figure out a way to be okay when she's gone, and not constantly over think what she might be doing or who she might be talking to when she's away.

It's really hard, but you guys have given some good advice. It's also been a few months, so I don't know if you will actually read this, but I just wanted to know how everything worked out for you, and if any of the advice worked particularly well for you. Thanks.


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## RedVelvetCake

jackm, I felt compelled to join these forums after reading your post. I've come looking for answers about my own attachment to my girlfriend of 4 months. To be honest, I think it's because this is my first relationship. I think we all need to relax and not be so worrisome about it. Remember, you've only been with her a few months. Maybe it's a bit too early to have "undying love" for her. I think you should find something to get your mind off her with. Say, a job or a hobby or learning a language or something. It will give you a goal and perhaps it will even impress her. Remember, don't be so needy that you push her away. Don't be dependent on her. 

Also, don't treat her less than with the utmost respect. Don't be a jerk.


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## trendyfool

Reading the other posts here really resonates with me. In the past I've felt incredibly dependent on friendships, feeling that other people didn't want to be around me enough or like me enough, and it has made me very insecure and clingy in my relationships with other people. Now I'm not so much like that because I have a boyfriend who I have been with for seven months now, but I often feel insecure about him too. Does he like me? Does he want to spend time with me? Will we break up soon? Etc. I know that he really cares for me, as I do about him, and it helps a lot to focus on the positives: the fact that I have someone in my life who I can tell anything to and who I love. That's much better than focusing on the nagging insecurities I have. I know I can do other things that will help, like making other friends, which is always hard for me. In the end, knowing that your relationship is strong, being honest, and doing things to make the relationship stronger by showing you care about the other person, as well as developing friendships with other people and enjoying time spent alone, are all helpful for feelings of insecurity or dependency.


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## JaneDoeFilm

Is your girlfriend your only confidant/friend? Is she the one you turn to all the time when you need to confide in someone? Maybe this attachment can be curved by adding more friends to your social circle and spending equal time with them without your gf.


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## Irvine

You can try to hang out with friends in other to not get over attached with girlfriend. One of the reason I'm afraid of relationship is that I will get too attached and i wonder what will I do if she's gone.


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## arnie

This is one of the primary reasons I desperately needed to get into a relationship. I need that level of attachment. I need someone that genuinely cares about me. I've never felt that before in my life. I'm just alone all the time. :rain


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## LONDN

<<<Sorry, edited post because i want to get off this forum thanks, LONDN>>>


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## SandyInfinity

hmm i also wass too attached with my ex 24/7 but what made m finally quit was....
his excessive cheating for 6yrs
now i really dont want anothr bf because i KNOW he will pay for what my ex did, OR i wont love him as much


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## Fred9861

*My two cents: Back yourself, be positive and productive!*

gabe9 and sympathizers
You're not alone buddy. This negtive and obsessive way of thinking is something I've allowed myself to get into. It feels good to read yours and know I'm not alone to be honest so thank you for having the courage to share it.

I suffer from the same recently, since we started properly knowing each other after 6 months (over summer, so it was chilled as we're at University together). I think having other friends is important as someone has said: A really good mate who I was tight with when I was first seeing her has gone grumpy for whatever reasons and more like a grumpy brother than a best mate, he's a flatmate so it's pretty s*** as I've beens stuck with his morose ways..
...So it's meant she's become my best mate at University and it's got reliant in the tired busy and cold period of the academic year! Thing is people know me and like me, I'm a lad, but I've lost the camaradary of a close male friendship. I've had days where I've had the same obsessive stuff. I've had to stop myself texting her. I've spent ages composing them but not sending them knowing I'm letting emotions and fears and self-assurance get the better of me. As it says above I think I have an inferiority complex, from school and not being a top dog and put down by people who in hindsight, were just securing their own position.

She's overall faithful but she cheated once when she was reeeally drunk and just kissed a guy then came straight back to my flat crying as she'd lost control and lost confidence on that night out. I was cool about it then but when I had a dip in confidence I let it get to me when she's on a night out and I'm not. These things happen, she won't be perfect.

I've had a few knocks in my personal life. My sporting stuff hasn't gone as well as last year. I had to quit my job for no good reason and sulked about losing it, whilst she still had hers and planned a weekend away, but I couldn't go away on spring break (really i just about had the money, i just couldn't be bothered, I realized, but i was almost getting a kick out of blaming everything on my lost job) so that's when I've let that stuff spiral but have kept busy to combat it.

Apart from being rational and being strict with yourself there are other important ways of getting out of this spiral of fear and negativity and self-sorrow:
--loving yourself. Be a bit narccistic, have ambitions, know you're special for whatever rare set of talents you inevitably have or can build up. You're a legend by the sounds of it so back yourself.
--Play sport, or run, or do something competetive to give you that edge, that flair. Online computer games, card games, football, tennis, hockey, ping pong with some friends, or whoever you can find.
--Spend sometime alone with yourself exploring, don't focus your imagination on what she might be thinking or doing but on something else. Write a book, a film, a skit, draw a picture.
--Help other people, help a friend or family member. When I didn't have a job I did some free work experience at a pub so I had some work ethic and value.
--find a good girl mate, or your mum or sister and spill occassionally, if you have to find some assurance. But only rarely, don't indugle it too much like I probably am now!!

I'd like to say that I'm at home over 'spring break' obsessing, and as I say I've already just felt better reading this and knowing I'm not alone in the obsessive stuff. Don't think about your gf shagging someone else. It happened, she can get turned on by other people, so can you, but you choose to be turned on by each other. If you're lacking confidence don't talk about this stuff, if you in a good mood and it comes up, don't be afraid to joke about past partners and stuff. Be light-hearted with yourself and laugh at yourself when you think something absurd. Life is bigger than these problems!!


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## thetripledee

I just wanted to say that I've been feeling the same way as many of you as said in this thread. I starting reading this right before I got a shower, and knew immediately that I had to join these forums. I appreciate all the information and stories that everyone has shared, and it truly feels as though a burden has been lifted off of me. I just need to start on my path to not freaking out over unimportant things (delay in text, me interpreting texts, statuses, or tweets in negative ways and then panicking until I cry, etc)

Again, THANK YOU ALL!


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## Beingofglass

It could be something as simple as you depending on her for happiness.


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## cur10us

*Solution Please*

So, I see many people (including me) have this syndrome. 
I am way too much attached to my girlfriend and I easily get stressed on any of her behaviour change.

The point is, I want to know *HOW* I can be independently from this emotional prison.

at least guide me on the right track so I could go and read.

Thanks.


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## Randomguy555

It's not easy. I think one of the biggest things is just accepting the fact that she has 100% free will to leave the relationship at any time same as you, and that if you guys break up it's not the end of the world even though it might hurt like hell.

It's all about your underlying motivations. Ask yourself if you guys are together because you want to be or because you're lonely, insecure, or need validation from the opposite sex to feel better about yourself. 

Could you lose this girl and continue living? If not then your being motivated by fear, insecurity, and anxiety NOT love.


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## SneakyHippie

*ok*

So I'm not going in depth unless someone asks, 6 months ago I met this girl we were dating in a week I moved 2 hours away to stay with her at her parents after a month, abandoned my old life and were looking for an apartment. The transition has been hard, my entire life changed over night. All my family and friends may as well not exist anymore. The anxiety from all of the changes has left me reliant on her since she was and is my only friend/person I talk to. I know its unhealthy and I'm aware of why I'm feeling attachment and anxiety issues, I just need to know what I'm supposed to do to fix it. I know I'm not going to like the answer and ots going to be hard but she feels my anxiety, she's an empath, so I really need to get this squashed, she's having trouble enjoying things she does alone. I don't want her to los. Herself just because I lost myself, so where do I start? I basically have no friends, no hobbies, I work 20-25 hours a week and am looking for a second job. Fingers crossed someone replies with some insight, thanks and thanks anyways in advance


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## artistic

Do you ever find out why she didn't text you that one day?


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## Nothing123

Yes im far too needy as well. It sucks a.ss. Im working on this.


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## jquinn914

When you are unhappy/depressed and look forward to nothing else, it can cause a relationship to sour. Your girl/guy becomes more of a drug than anything, to the point where one has cravings for one's presence/attention and every minute a text isn't received/responded you feel their absense and, in turn, the emptyness within you. I once thought this was love.


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## redsousa11

I'm so glad I found this avenue to get my feelings out.... I feel the exact same way....
Me and my girlfriend has been together for 3 years. But this attachment feeling only started happening like in august. I need it to stop! I always wrote it off like my feelings were just really intense love. But is it possible to have these feelings come down and still love her just the same? Because I know I love her and I'm in love with her, but this anxiety is masking it as something thats driven more by fear and lack of validation than true love. 
I just dont understand and I need help...


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## HoodClimber

Been reading through this message thread. Good Stuff and it has helped me to see that I'm not alone in this. This is the first time I've posted in a forum like this so bare with me. I got divorced about 8 months ago, but found a great girl a couple months later. We had a great summer, but I started getting feelings of anxiety when she didn't text me back. This Fall, she started distancing herself and asked to slow things down. She has not had good luck in relationships in the past. Now I've almost gone into panic attacks think she might not what to be around me anymore. She says that she is just going through a period of wanting a lot of alone time, but it is causing me major anxiety.

Has anyone had a similar experience with a girl needing space to deal with her own stuff but you feel stressed?


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## maxmonroe

I just read through this entire thread, and it prompted me to join. 

I feel like I am going through the same feelings as you, hoodclimber. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years, and she seems to have come to this new sort of place recently, where she is wanting more time to herself. There are less texts from her, she decided to not go on a vacation with me that we had planned on, etc. 

I am not jealous, or worried about her seeing or talking to anyone else. And I actually do feel like our relationship is still good for the most part. But I am still dealing with the feelings of anxiety and worry, and I am constantly trying to keep my emotions in check. I'm always checking my phone, hoping for a reassuring, loving text, to the point of obsession. 

I have been hurt in the past, and I feel that I get very dependent on my girlfriend - as the source of almost all happiness and contentment in life. And I know that this is very unhealthy behavior. 

If anyone has any practical advice on how to approach these feelings on a day to day basis, that would be so appreciated. This is a great resource for people going through stuff, and it's great to know that there are others out there that feel the same way - because sometimes it seems like every other guy out there is so much more capable of just detaching, and just dealing with things as they come. 

Thanks to all of you.


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## Confidential1989

I just came across this post while googling the fact that I get so much anxiety when I am away from my girl friend. No matter if it's. Day or a week. We live together but sometimes I get anxious just to get home from work to see her. Or when she is a way or out with friends I worry about her, I feel issues in my past are causing this anxiety. I just do not know what to do. I don't really have any friends to hang out with she is the closest person to me. I know she loves me but I feel like I need to be constantly reassured that she does. And when we are together I feel like that is reassurance. I am driving her and myself crazy with this anxiety! I also get anxious when she wants to go hang out with her friends. I worry they won't like me. And I want her to myself.. It's weird and creepy in my own opinion but I do t know what to do. Any suggestions, I'm going to try and make friends but that's not exactly easy for me


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## skyisblue

People may hate me for saying this but I would recommend getting more friends and chilling with them. It will make you seem more attractive to women because you will have a social life. 

I would also recommend serial dating. This way you don't get attached to one girl so easily. 

Just recommendations, don't kill me. Thanks.


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## idkxlexi

i get attached to people way too fast. i can talk to someone once and i automatically want them to talk to me all the time. like i want them to talk to me everyday, want them to respond to me within 3 minutes. When they don't i feel sad and empty, and i just want them to talk to me all the time. i want them to give me all their attention all the time. when they're not talking to me i feel like something is missing, and when they are talking to me i feel so happy. i just ugh. i don't like getting attached to people so easily and so fast. like i literally obsess about them when they're not talking to me and i always feel like i did something wrong for them to stop talking to me. i have no idea why i'm like this, and i don't like it at all.


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## Swagonite

good posts in this thread I will bookmark this and return to reading these pages when I'm feeling days of insecurity and jealous with my GF. Must stay calm and cool


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## lisbeth

idkxlexi said:


> i get attached to people way too fast. i can talk to someone once and i automatically want them to talk to me all the time. like i want them to talk to me everyday, want them to respond to me within 3 minutes. When they don't i feel sad and empty, and i just want them to talk to me all the time. i want them to give me all their attention all the time. when they're not talking to me i feel like something is missing, and when they are talking to me i feel so happy. i just ugh. i don't like getting attached to people so easily and so fast. like i literally obsess about them when they're not talking to me and i always feel like i did something wrong for them to stop talking to me. i have no idea why i'm like this, and i don't like it at all.


I'm exactly the same way. It's the woooooorst.


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## Woundedworrier

It's really good to know I'm not the only one. I think one of the biggest problems we suffer from is not feeling the same level of undivided and unwavering love returned. It is pretty intense but it comes easily to us to feel so strongly. Sometimes we forget some people don't have the capability because they don't have the need.


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## Whyme1212

Hi all. I know I am many years late, but I guess these problems pop up for us all, no matter when.
I read everything posted here, and know that I am not alone. Been with my girlfriend for 18 months, but in the last 2 I have gotten so needy, clingy, insecure and anxious! She hasn't really given me a reason to be, except for getting a bit distant for a month or so. And we discussed it at length. All is good. So why do I stress when she doesn't text me 20 minutes after telling me she loves me? This has to stop. For the record, I have not let her see this side of me. For the most part. But the pain has to stop!

I hope all of you who came before me are at peace now!


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## sad1231234

I used to get really attached to people, it can be hard. Try making more friends in real life or online. Not only can you make friends this way, but you will be bound to lose a lot of "friends" that you make. This sort of makes you less sensitive over time, and you become less clingy. God knows i used to be so clingy lol, even kids online i would think about them and be eager to talk to them. Nowadays i am nowhere near as clingy, just enough to the point of being sensitive enough to understand other people's needs and to invest a large amount of emotions into someone. But if they leave me or if they are somehow no longer in my life, then it doesnt really affect me much. Not that they arent important, it is good to be attached to people to some extent, but you shouldnt make your whole world and all your emotions and every thought revolve around them.


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## neonknight77

This is a major problem and I am happy you at least made yourself aware of it. 

Don't become more dependent on her than yourself.


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## fireballs13

*2018*

It's a little upsetting that this was all back in 2012 and who knows if anyone uses this or even looks. 
I came across this because a lot of things have happened in my four year relationship that I'm now looking to help myself as best I can. So I google "why am i so attached to her" it started with 'him" but i then changed it when I kept coming across things that weren't helpful. On top of that I wanted to read about males being too attached; I feel like females might naturally be needy. I am a female and just like the op, I feel if not for a better word "obsessed" with my partner of four years. A lot of things have happened between me and him, so much so that after living with each other for 3 years, we both now have separated places to live. 
There was a time about two years ago when I felt like I wanted to break up because I had no longer physically wanted him. I sound awful but the reason why I bring that up is because I was at a point where I wasn't attracted to him, to now two more years later I can't be without him. Today is the day that we're supposed to spend separated but I asked to come over. He said yes this morning. But the things is I almost feel depressed on these days. I live alone and have no family or friends in the state to see or pass the time with. I'm sure that doesn't help but reason for saying that was that I don't speak. i sometimes talk to my cat (like a normal person; he likes to meow a lot so i just ask "what is it" things of the sort lol sorry) I typically sit in silence, or i'll stay in bed all day, I won't eat. So thinking about those things makes me feel like that's not totally normal or healthy.
I love him but I lost a lot of my trust in him, which is why I now try to help myself without involving him. Plus Ive tried to explain to him how i feel but he only makes me feel worse about it because he wont do anything to help me feel better anymore. If I ask him to spend an extra night with me, he'll get upset I'm asking him. Its sound bias but we both have our sides of the story. Mine is just this one. 
Point of everything is that I too am too attached to him and it's hurting me. I don't want to be this close. I don't want to need someone. I don't want to be dependent. I don't want him to be my source of happiness. 
Or it's more like I do want to be this close, its just I want to feel safe wanting him.

Thank you. I know its a little pathetic but, I wanted to let it be out there.. maybe someone can help me.


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