# Lame Jokes



## dontworrybehappy (Dec 4, 2010)

Post all your lame/bad/corny jokes here

I'll start:
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?
.
.
.
.
a bah-humbug


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## AlisonWonderland (Nov 4, 2010)

haha

Since it's snowed all my missus has done is look through the window!

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in...


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

What do you call a cow with no legs?





Ground Beef


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## Gorillaz (Jul 13, 2010)

What did the tomato say to the other tomato?! 
...
Nothing! Tomatoes cant talk.

Ba-dum-chi


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

What goes "oom oom"?

A cow walking backwards.


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## Zuzu (Dec 6, 2010)

how does pikachu sneeze?



peak-A-chu!~


yup I rock at the lameness.


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## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

Why the hell am I laughing at these jokes??? I'm not even drunk...


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

What clothes does a house wear?


Address


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Two antennas fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

women's rights!! haha nah just kidding

ps. no he didn't!


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

What has one horn and gives milk?




A milk truck


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## Flame Sixtyone (Aug 27, 2009)

This is a lame math joke but I still find it amusing


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

^ahaha wut :um


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## BrokenStars (Dec 10, 2010)

ihl said:


> What do you call a cow with no legs?
> 
> Ground Beef


:rofl



rawrguy said:


> women's rights!! haha nah just kidding
> 
> ps. no he didn't!


:bat


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

What do you do when you come across a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?






Add more sand.


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## allie j (Nov 11, 2010)

this is my all time favorite: What is brown and sticky??





.. a stick!


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

Zuzu said:


> how does pikachu sneeze?
> 
> peak-A-chu!~
> 
> yup I rock at the lameness.


Why don't you want to shower with pikachu?

because he would peek-atch-you.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

So, there is this new model of car called the S-Car that is supposed to be really fast. One day a snail comes up to the dealership and steals one of the S-Cars right of the lot and zooms off. This sales man says, "wow, look at that escargot!"


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## hellofromthegutter (Nov 14, 2010)

what's red and smells like green paint?






red paint


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling well.


Ha. ha. ha.


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## SociallyBroken (Oct 3, 2010)

How to Cook a Turkey

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out


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## SociallyBroken (Oct 3, 2010)

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

I fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?

I took a bath.


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

Ok so I got this joke from the Christmas crackers on Christmas night.

What's the deepest part of the ocean?





The bottom.


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## blanksBACK (Oct 21, 2010)

Wanna hear a clean joke?

I took a bath with Mr.Bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty one?

Mr.Bubbles is my neighbor.


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## Dark Drifter (Sep 24, 2010)

How did Link win the basketball game? 

With his HOOKSHOT. 

I heard this joke somewhere, it was just begging me to post it here.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

How do you get pikachu on a bus?

pokemon


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)




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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)




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## orchdorch925 (Aug 26, 2010)

why was the tomato red?
It saw the salad dressing

why was the tomato last place in the running competition?
It couldn't ketchup

What's white and black and red all over?
a sunburnt zebra

Where does an elephant put his clothes when he goes on vacation?
In his trunk!


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## Dan208 (Dec 22, 2010)

Giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve longnecks here."

Two guys walk into a bar. One of them had to get stitches.


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## Flame Sixtyone (Aug 27, 2009)

jhanniffy said:


>





jhanniffy said:


>


Those are classics :teeth


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## Flame Sixtyone (Aug 27, 2009)




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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? 
A: Nice belt!

I miss doing math in school


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## Flame Sixtyone (Aug 27, 2009)

^ you can still do it online! although thats probably not as exciting


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## Mr Shankly (Dec 30, 2010)




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## clair de lune (Dec 20, 2010)

A man walks into a bar,

"Ouch"


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## orchdorch925 (Aug 26, 2010)

Here's some music jokes:

-A, C, and E walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve minors here."
-Beware of falling pianos- C sharp or B flat!:haha

And, because we love bar jokes:

-A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

clair de lune said:


> A man walks into a bar,
> 
> "Ouch"


LOL

I like that one


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## Aloysius (Jul 16, 2008)

what did john lennon say when he was shot?








Yoko..... Oh no... I've been shot


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## Mr Shankly (Dec 30, 2010)

Aloysius said:


> what did john lennon say when he was shot?
> 
> Yoko..... Oh no... I've been shot


That was one of the most god awful jokes I've ever heard.


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## Aloysius (Jul 16, 2008)

thanks


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## tookie (Dec 31, 2010)

what do u call a deer with no eyes?..i have no eye-deer! what do u call a deer with no legs and no eyes?.. a still have no eye-deer!


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## candiedsky (Aug 7, 2011)

What do you call a bear standing in the rain?

A drizzly bear!

What does one gator give another gator?

Gator-aids!

(that second one is pretty dumb).


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## jamesarcher (Oct 27, 2011)

What's green and has legs? 





Grass. I lied about the legs.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

What's funnier than a baby in a trashcan?





Two babies in a trashcan.





I actually knew a girl who thought this was halarious. Idk, maybe it is? Eh..

-------------------------------------

(this one i knew since like 10 or so...)

A man with a patch over an eye walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender has a parrot on his shoulder and the parrot says "F you one eye!". The man buys the bird later off the bartender because he was so insulted he wants to kill him. When the bird and the one-eyed man gets to the man's apartment the man says, "Look here bird, I'm very sensitive about my eye. What you said in there wasn't nice and I'm going to teach you a lesson in manners!". The bird looks at him and says, "F you one-eye!". Infuriated, the man instantly screams aloud and throws the bird against the ground. Squawking and flapping the bird repeats "F you one eye!". The man yells at the bird that if he doesn't stop insulting him about his missing eye he'd cause more harm. The bird repeats itself again: "F you one-eye!". The man picks the bird up and throws it against the wall and into a trashcan where he shakes it a couple times and opens the lid daring the bird to insult him again. This time the man says, "If you insult me again about my eye I'm going to really teach you a lesson and cut out your tongue so I you can't talk anymore!". The bird repeats itself again saying, "F you one eye!". The man goes to extreme measures and grabs a pair of scissors and snips the birds tongue off! Exasperated, the man lays the bird down and waves his hands in victory over the amputation. The man then says, "Haha, you damn bird! Now what do you have to say for yourself!?" The bird almost instantly covers one eye with one wing and raises the other and proceeds to flip the man off.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)




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## RockBottomRiser (Jun 5, 2011)

What's green and sings? 





















































Elvis Parsley


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