# having no friends hurts a lot



## BlueNothing (Nov 26, 2014)

For me at least. I feel hopeless at this point. All I see are people hanging out or talking about their friends. I don't have that, and maybe will never have that again. On the rare occasion I make a decent friend, they end up doing mean things to me and blame it all on me without taking any sort of responsibility. It's very discouraging. Then I end up with nobody and it hurts even worse. I do try to talk to people but it never gets anywhere. It's in my nature to be shy and not completely open, but I am interested in other people. I love listening and making people laugh. However, I guess people just don't feel a connection with me. I want to know what it feels like to actually be accepted by someone as a friend, and be able to trust them.
Before you say I probably come off as desperate, I've been told by a lot of people that I'm pretty laid back. I'm not the type to hound people for attention, I'm just saying it would be nice to have a real friend. Because having nothing is very unnerving, embarrassing, and depressing.
If anyone else feels the same way, I'm interested to read your story or input. Thank you for reading.


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## xxtokyoxx (Jun 9, 2013)

Yeah I feel like that too. I'm 18 and in college. It used to not bother me as much, but now I really feel left out. I haven't had a real friend in years. /:


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

I know how it feels. It's like a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you're lonely and want that interaction with friends, you want some people you can just have fun with, let yourself go, and enjoy your time with, you want to feel cared about and accepted. On the other hand, you have trouble trusting others because they have hurt you before and you don't want to go through that kind of pain again.

I think you're good in the sense that you're shy and don't open up completely right away, you don't want to open up to someone right away because of the risk of them stabbing you in the back. I've learned that I have to build a level of trust with someone first before I open up and invest emotionally in a new friend. I've been hurt a million times because I truly value, treasure and care about my friends and they generally take me for granted which is really hurtful.

Long story short, I know the feels. I'm sorry so many others have hurt you, but if you're a kind-hearted person (which you seem to be), other kind-hearted people tend to gravitate towards you.. at least that's the hope.


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## AEgirl (May 11, 2013)

I know what you mean! Everyone tells me I'm laid back and fun to talk to. But then at the same time I think I still don't put myself out there enough. I'm also naturally shy. I always have been. Whenever I see a group of friends having fun it saddens me. I can't even remember the last time I had that. I think it was back when I was 15  And I agree its embarrassing. One guy in class who I talk to a lot asked if I have another friends except the one girl I always hangout with. I didn't even know how to cover that up.


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## macrotus (Aug 31, 2014)

Have you considered a support group?


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## hulkamaniak (Mar 21, 2008)

I know the feeling, its awful, and sucks because with SA it is so hard to make friends. What is annoying is it takes so much effort and motivation and courage for us to actually put ourselves out there in a social situation where we could make friends - then we actually have to get the courage to talk in that situation and build a friendship, it is so much. I often find I'll push myself into a social situation where I could make a friend, but then I just am mute and anxious, and leave feeling even worse.


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## XRik7X (Jun 11, 2014)

Awful indeed, When I was in high school I used to be alone in lunch time and I was really scared of that as I saw that most of the people were happy with their friends/laughing/having fun while me no  that really hurt me a lot and conditioned me to have no social skills. I made like 10 acquaintances most of the time I showed interest in their life but the problem was maybe that they thought I was a "rare bug" and avoid talking with me :sigh: I couldnt connect with anyone unfortunately (aka no best friend who understands me :sigh .


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## VRod (Jan 8, 2015)

I always wondered how I even had friends, with my SA being so hard to deal with. I guess you can say I just got lucky with meeting the right people who were caring enough to accept and understand me. But even If I never did meet them, there will always be someone out there looking for a real friend. I always found it easier to find real good friends who have similar interests as me and has the same sense of humor as I do. Just hang in there, someone will show up.


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## harletta (Nov 4, 2012)

VRod said:


> I always wondered how I even had friends, with my SA being so hard to deal with. I guess you can say I just got lucky with meeting the right people who were caring enough to accept and understand me. But even If I never did meet them, there will always be someone out there looking for a real friend. I always found it easier to find real good friends who have similar interests as me and has the same sense of humor as I do. Just hang in there, someone will show up.


Good job man. Hang on to 'em.


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

BlueNothing said:


> For me at least. I feel hopeless at this point. All I see are people hanging out or talking about their friends. I don't have that, and maybe will never have that again. On the rare occasion I make a decent friend, they end up doing mean things to me and blame it all on me without taking any sort of responsibility. It's very discouraging. Then I end up with nobody and it hurts even worse. I do try to talk to people but it never gets anywhere. It's in my nature to be shy and not completely open, but I am interested in other people. I love listening and making people laugh. However, I guess people just don't feel a connection with me. I want to know what it feels like to actually be accepted by someone as a friend, and be able to trust them.
> Before you say I probably come off as desperate, I've been told by a lot of people that I'm pretty laid back. I'm not the type to hound people for attention, I'm just saying it would be nice to have a real friend. Because having nothing is very unnerving, embarrassing, and depressing.
> If anyone else feels the same way, I'm interested to read your story or input. Thank you for reading.


Do you feel very different relatively personality speaking? (sry if my spelling sucks)


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## BlueNothing (Nov 26, 2014)

Thank you everyone for the responses and positive words. It made me smile  Where I am everyone seems quite content with the friends they already have. It's sort of a predisposition for failure, but in any case I'll be open to meeting more people and hopefully someone (anyone lol) will come along. I'm glad to know I'm not alone, and I wish you guys lots of luck in finding lasting friends that make you happy.


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## BlueNothing (Nov 26, 2014)

macrotus said:


> Have you considered a support group?


I've been to therapy before and I'm considering going again, but I find it extremely difficult to find a professional that's genuinely helpful in my social skills. They seem to simplify the problem by saying "Just walk up to someone and say hi!" Sorry but that doesn't work for me. I need to have a context of some sort to talk to someone in person, I can't do it at random. I went on this site as a support group, and it definitely helped me feel better by venting my feelings out.


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## BlueNothing (Nov 26, 2014)

Znuffle said:


> Do you feel very different relatively personality speaking? (sry if my spelling sucks)


Your spelling is great, it's the grammar that's a bit off  mine isn't perfect either. English is weird. 
I do feel like there are aspects of my personality that are relatable and other parts that aren't. It's my awkwardness and shyness that causes making friends more difficult. And it's also how other people treat me/react to me that makes it even harder. I try to be polite but I suppose I'm not assertive enough to really get a person's focus. I just hate putting all of my energy into people that aren't likely to reciprocate my friendship. At the same time, being excessively alone is terrible. I hope that answers your question.


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## lopaige1 (Oct 25, 2014)

I find that making friends was a bit easier in forced social situations where you see the person all the time, like at work or having to work on projects together. Usually, the friends I made were actually with outgoing people who would pursue or initiate the friendship. However, I have moved around so much that I feel like I have to start over every year finding someone I can physically see and hang out with on a regular basis. 

Have you tried using Meet Up? It's a site people use to meet groups based on particular interests. I have found two to three social anxiety, general anxiety, and shyness groups in my area, but haven't RSVPd to any outings or shown up yet. I tend to procrastinate a lot, but I know that eventually when I make more of an effort, this will likely be a good way to make new friends.

Also, just joining different forums or places to chat online has been helpful for me. I am a lot more talkative and open with people from behind a computer screen. I even met my husband online through a dating website. If it weren't for the internet, I don't know how I would ever talk to people.

Hope some of these suggestions help. Also anyone can feel free to message me and talk. I have not visited the forums in a few months, but plan on checking in more frequently.

Good luck everyone with your efforts to make friends.


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## Smanguaru (Jan 9, 2015)

Dang-it's hard indeed. And yes-it's a long dark road sometimes Introversion doesn't help these situations-especially if you're high up on that scale. 90% introvert that I am-it's not the ideal for socializing.

Getting to know people is probably easier online. And even then-it ain't a really easy thing. Making friends is as much an art as a mystery. And wow-I do wonder sometimes how people do it 

Not socializing enough can be weary for the soul though


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

It sucks, right? I really want to tackle my social anxiety and face my fears, but how am I supposed to do that without friends to hang out with?


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

BlueNothing said:


> Your spelling is great, it's the grammar that's a bit off  mine isn't perfect either. English is weird.
> I do feel like there are aspects of my personality that are relatable and other parts that aren't. It's my awkwardness and shyness that causes making friends more difficult. And it's also how other people treat me/react to me that makes it even harder. I try to be polite but I suppose I'm not assertive enough to really get a person's focus. I just hate putting all of my energy into people that aren't likely to reciprocate my friendship. At the same time, being excessively alone is terrible. I hope that answers your question.


Absolutely! I might have a few things you could try out to sorda be less shy or less afraid of saying something or speaking out..

For the most part you shouldn't be focusing on the effert you put into people.. That what you do when you know their personality.

And ofc that would be hard to know when you're not really interacting with them.. But you can still observe and reflect on people around you.. As long as you do that you actually become way smarter than others because people don't reflect that often on themselves when they are in center of attention or have a lot of friends.

Aren't there specifik people you find interesting to talk to?

If so then ofc it's just the shyness that holds you back.

If you're lucky enough that you have some friends who talks just a little bit with you or invites you to some stuff like LAN party or whatever you do as girls ^^ Then it makes it a lot easier.

If thats not the case and you have no people who ever talks to you  well then it's hard. But remember to be prepared for any answer that might come back at you when there is suddenly some words you'd want to speak out.

Like if I were to stand in super market.. If I was with other people or friends it would be much easier to find it not weird to yell random words everyone could hear.. But the fact that even if I ran around alone at the super market or something, I would be more afraid of speaking out.. But I have no problem with yelling some random **** just to make myself look insane because I'm not that afraid of being judged.. But ofc I have trouble asking girls out 

It all comes down to how much you really care of what happens when you do something..

SOO!..

Observe and reflect. Make sure you use effert on the right people.

And as always. Don't be afraid to be yourself.. Whats the worst that can happen... I could say the same to myself everytime I ask a girl out. But somehow it still gets to me that if I were to be rejected my selfesteem would fall greatly  And i already know that thats silly.. and weird.. Because who cares if I get rejected once or twice or 3 times.. The worst about me is that i'm to afraid of trying, which is why I fail when I try..

Training makes a master.. <3

Good luck ^.^

I hope I didn't ramble to much pointlessness..


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## Spacecowboy498 (Jan 13, 2015)

Growing up I always had friends, stayed in the same school system from K-12 with relatively small class sizes (156 in graduating class) and through that time I formed plenty of friendships. Then high school ended and everybody goes their own way and I stayed in contact with about 5 different friends who's relationship I genuinely valued. Since high school I've have yet to really form a friendship with anyone that has the quality of what I remember having close friends used to feel like.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

It is horrible some times . 
I was sitting near the beach once eating and these two girls asked if they could share the table . Naturally I didn't mind . One of them asked where all my friends were and my reply of I don't have any was perceived as a joke . That stuck in my head and for years I thought I must be the only person with absolutely no friends . 
I'm used to it now and don't get lonely as much . But it does still make me sad when I think of how no one likes me and how I don't know why .


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## meowser1989 (Jan 15, 2015)

wow your feelings on wanting to find friendship and how you are like sounds exactly like me. I just want to have a relationship with someone that I can count on and they can count on me. It seems when I do make a friend they end up not being the honest person I thought they were. I recently had some friends at the place I worked out but then both of them decided to date and then the guy ended up being a player but somehow I got blamed for their problems because they both came to me. I feel I am just sometimes too nice and get taken advantage of. I recently found my boyfriend who happens to be a manager at the resturaunt i work at and he is amazing. He actually feels like a best friend to me and we both don't have a lot of friends. I have been seeing him for 5 months and can't stand being a day away from him, so I am blessed that I have this. I just wish it was easier for me to make friends because like you said it is hard watching other people always laughing and hanging out while you feel like the outcast.


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## Andras96 (Mar 28, 2014)

Yes, it hurts. I've recently been doing a lot of pondering, and I've came to the conclusion that I'm probably going to stay socially isolated for the rest of my pathetic life. The only thing that could make me feel less depressed is if I'm deprived of any emotion. If I had no emotions, then I would no longer have feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, etc.


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

Yes, having no friends does hurt. It's like I long for close friends but I am just not good at making friends. And with the few friends that I have had in my life, I always mess something up. I just feel so hopeless when it comes to friendships. It hurts that something that I long for is so hard for me to accomplish.


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## theinsomniac (Jan 17, 2015)

I feel you. This is why I can't stand being on facebook. I'm in my twenties which is supposedly the peak of our social lives and I see all these people on my facebook going out with their 100 friends to clubs or traveling or whatever and I feel like a loser because I'm sitting here like a hermit in my room ALL the time doing nothing and I feel like I'm just wasting my youth. And don't even start with the birthday notifications. I get physically anxious when my birthday rolls around because then I'll have to deal with the fact that all of 10 people have wished me a happy birthday on facebook and it just confirms the fact that I'm a loner and nobody likes me. Then I feel crazy that I actually just analyzed that and that I counted how many people wished me a happy birthday. Normal people don't do that. Then again, normal people get 80 people wishing them happy birthday and they probably don't even read it because they're out celebrating with their 20 friends at the bar!


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Having no friends does hurt. I've tried pretending that I've grown used to it over the years and to a degree I have, but it still hurts.

I've always had problems in making friends. Even as I child I struggled to make eye contact with some people. By my teens I only had a small circle of friends and some of those weren't really 'friends' as such. I think they hung around me, sometimes, simply because they wanted someone to poke fun at as they knew I wouldn't retaliate. Everyone else who wasn't a friend simply snubbed me. 

By my late teens when I left school, in 2001, I was left only in touch with a tiny handful of people from my school days. By 2005, four years later, I was left with just one – my 'best' friend who I'd know from the age of four. Even by then, he was starting to become a little distant as he'd met a vast array of new people. 

In 2009, eight years after finishing school, I joined Facebook and rediscovered most of those old friends and even those I remembered from school who weren't directly a friend. However, none of them wanted to stay in touch with me. I made the effort to try and join in some conversations, sent them birthday messages e.t.c but all I received in return was complete silence or snubbing. 

In 2014 I more than halved my Facebook 'friends' as I'd grown truly depressed of being ignored, or on the very rare occasions I wasn't, being insulted or questioned. My 'best' friend, who I last saw face-to-face in 2005 had become almost unrecognisable and had begun to make certain comments at my expense. In November 2014, I deactivated my Facebook account. I'd had enough. 

During my entire adult life, I have not made a single friend. I have 'acquaintances' in the form of work colleagues, but no new friends. Therefore as I deactivated my Facebook account, I lost the only 'friend' I had left – who by then clearly wasn't a friend any more. 

I now have no friends whatsoever. I'm not a socialist, I don't go out and had enough of people probing me or simply snubbing me whenever I lift my head above the proverbial parapet. I really am a true, bonafide loner, destined to be single with no friends for probably the rest of my life. 

I'm not saying this feeling sorry for myself. I'm saying it simply because it's true. I have not seen or been provided with any evidence to prove otherwise.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

BlueNothing said:


> For me at least. I feel hopeless at this point. All I see are people hanging out or talking about their friends. I don't have that, and maybe will never have that again. On the rare occasion I make a decent friend, they end up doing mean things to me and blame it all on me without taking any sort of responsibility. It's very discouraging. Then I end up with nobody and it hurts even worse. I do try to talk to people but it never gets anywhere. It's in my nature to be shy and not completely open, but I am interested in other people. I love listening and making people laugh. However, I guess people just don't feel a connection with me. I want to know what it feels like to actually be accepted by someone as a friend, and be able to trust them.
> Before you say I probably come off as desperate, I've been told by a lot of people that I'm pretty laid back. I'm not the type to hound people for attention, I'm just saying it would be nice to have a real friend. Because having nothing is very unnerving, embarrassing, and depressing.
> If anyone else feels the same way, I'm interested to read your story or input. Thank you for reading.


Once upon a time in the ancient greece, there was a man who, without any clothes and a burning lamp at daylight, walked the athens streets, and when people stopped him to ask what was he doing with a burning lamp at daylight, he answered to them "I am looking for a man" ...

If it is so hard to find a honest man, looking for a real friend is not an easy task.


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## KoolKat (Feb 6, 2015)

Yes having a real friend would be nice . I wish I had someone to share my thoughts with and be able to treat nicely and hang out with all the time. Sleepovers! Movies! Everything friends do . I have 3 acquaintances I like them, they are nice to me but there isn't really a connection like what I'd think a best friend would be like. It makes me so sad.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I wish I had friends in real life. I don't know how to make them and am too scared to try. I haven't had a real friend since middle school. 

Does your boyfriend have friends?? Maybe he can introduce you to them.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Feels lonely but i know I'm not capable of having friends.


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## Butterfly21 (Feb 14, 2015)

I totally connect with how you feel. At the moment, I have literally no friends and it sucks to see people out and about having a good-time with their friends when I can't seem to find a way to do the same.

I have a hard time making friends too and connecting with other people in general and I wouldn't call myself desperate or.. bat-**** crazy (at least not most of the time :sus )

I'm generally an easy-going person, love trying new things, and lending a helpful ear or a hand. I'm not sure if it's because I have some emotional baggage that makes me give off a negative energy or because I've become too reserved from being so alone.

But you seem like a nice gal, I don't know why someone wouldn't want to be friends with you. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of our experiences might have to do with what's going on INSIDE our minds in terms of over-analyzing things compared to what is really happening outside of ourselves.

But you know what, I'd love to be friends with you 
I don't understand why everyone on this forum doesn't just band together and form the goonies :boogie
I've always been curious why


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## CantDraw (Feb 15, 2015)

I get that a lot too the, 'your so laid back' 'your cool' 'your funny' ' your interesting,' yet it never extends beyond that. I guess I smell? ^.^


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## Butterfly21 (Feb 14, 2015)

CantDraw said:


> I get that a lot too the, 'your so laid back' 'your cool' 'your funny' ' your interesting,' yet it never extends beyond that. I guess I smell? ^.^


Lmao good thing we can't smell ya here :clap


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## CantDraw (Feb 15, 2015)

Butterfly21 said:


> Lmao good thing we can't smell ya here :clap


YES! Praise the almighty internet gods, for creating a world where people cannot be smelled!


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## Butterfly21 (Feb 14, 2015)

CantDraw said:


> YES! Praise the almighty internet gods, for creating a world where people cannot be smelled!


Well clearly it's working.
Be my friend, pretty please? :b


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## CantDraw (Feb 15, 2015)

Butterfly21 said:


> Well clearly it's working.
> Be my friend, pretty please? :b


But of course. The internet gods will be pleased.


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## Butterfly21 (Feb 14, 2015)

CantDraw said:


> But of course. The internet gods will be pleased.


Sweet, it's a done deal.
You've made a friend 

I do have a hidden motive, I'm trying to see if I can scout my own team of goonies..


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*I am lucky due to the constant efforts I make*

I do anything to maintain my one local friendship I have

we share a wide range of interests. I get solemn dips when my main conduit of correspondence of email goes quiet. Feeling such a fool with friendset at a bar

I feel the pain & worry

always bouncing above water

coping with the suggestion of never trying work
"do you think you can work in an office?"
I probably announced that hate years ago. Very willing, although clear background of rejection


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