# I don't quite like being around people anymore.



## Sean McL (Mar 27, 2013)

Let me preface this by saying that I know that as a person in general, I can be kind and can get along with people when I feel up to it. 

That being said, I've become more and more aware of how much I find to hate in people who I'm close to. Someone only has to open their mouth to talk and say something stupid or it may be something about them that irks me and then suddenly, I feel this sudden fury inside me that never goes away. Things just set me off.

For example when my parent's or an elder tells me that I should do something, I get this thought in my head that'll just scream 'Who the **** do you think you are to tell me what to do?'

Likewise, I've a few close friends who are good people but more and more I just want to smack them in the face when I'm around them because every time they're around and have come close to it before. We're all guys apart from one girl and taking the piss out of each other is to be expected but I just can't take it well and will end up crushing them with insults until all the fun has been sucked out of it - I tend to take it very seriously when a group are all taking the piss out of me at once and can get paranoid about it. No matter how hard I try, my close friends always want me back and try to patch things up. 

These friends of mine also have their own traits that really shouldn't be a problem but to me they are. One friend, despite being a procrastinating **** who isn't that smart, likes to correct people on small grammar errors or the way they use words while he himself gets things wrong all the time. 
Another friend is ***** whipped by his girlfriend and painfully puts up with it. If I ask him why he puts up with hit, he pretends it doesn't bother him; this makes my blood boil and I'll end up throwing subtle insults towards him and his girlfriend that he might pick up on but can't quite decipher enough to really know. 

I've other friends who always call for me, most often out of the blue even though I have a rule about no one calling for me unless I tell them it's okay to come around. In times when a group calls for me (if you've been disturbed you'll probably know the anger you feel), I'll feel pissed as **** the whole night because they've went against my rule - I often feel betrayed and taken advantage of.

There was one summer about two years ago where I got so riled with the people around me that I told them all to beat it and went off on my own for close to 4 months (start of summer to about mid September) and I can honestly say they were the most peaceful days I've experienced in a long time when you subtract the depressed thoughts and hopelessness that sometimes shows up (we'll not get into that right now). It was then that I realized that I prefer my own company - I feel free when I'm left to my own devices in life. People think it's weird but for a man who likes the quiet - it's the closest thing to peace I've known in many years. 

I'm not sure why I came out of 'hiding'. I think I tried to give social life another chance and I felt a small pang of guilt although it quickly faded once I stepped back into the sun. 

I'll finish by saying that I can like people so long as they don't try to connect to me in anyway. Feeling obligated to like/love friends or family or others makes me feel trapped and it's almost like my mind intentionally finds things about them to make me hate them so that it can have an excuse to leap back into solitude, and I like it. I'm planning to go away again from friends, I just have to finalize some things and make sure there are no loose ends left and then maybe I can feel calm again. 

Do any of you feel the same way about friends/relationships? Would there be something wrong with me mentally (I know there is but specifics would be nice) that could shed light on these feelings?

TL;DR: I don;t like getting close to people


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

You have to find the right people to be with. I feel the same way as well.


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