# changing negative core beliefs



## wane (Jun 9, 2010)

Just this month, I suddenly decided I dont want to listen to these negative thoughts in my head anymore. I had been working on my negative core beliefs. I suspect this could have something to do with it. I realise paroxetine has been eliminating the negative self talk for the past year, yet I noticed it reappearing recently. This got me motivated to start to work on CBT side of things again. I havent felt this good since I first began on paroxetine.

Has anyone else tried working on their negative core beliefs?


----------



## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

I've been trying for about a year, mostly aimlessly though so sometimes I end up just digging myself deeper into the hole. I owe any chance I have at getting better to therapy though, or else I wouldn't be addressing these issues. It's a little frustrating though to think back to when I was content with my misery and hatred, but now I want nothing but to get better and be the person I dream of.


----------



## SA Solutions (Jul 15, 2010)

The one core identity belief that I run into consistently when working with clients and had to overcome myself is this one:

*"I am not good enough"*

This belief (or variations such as "I'm not lovable, I'm not OK, something is wrong with me, I'm not important, I'm not lovable" etc) is at the core of your social anxiety.

Once you are able to change this one, you will likely experience a significant shift.

Now I have some suggestions as to where this belief comes from...

It almost for sure comes from your early childhood. This is the case in 90% of all cases. I'm talking under the age of 12 (for the science behind this, read "The Biology of Belief" by "Bruce Lipton").

There are some things (probably multiple, repetitive phrases or traumas/abuses) that happened to you (before the age of 12, the earlier the more impactful)that caused you to make the decision that you are not good enough.

So you might want to ask yourself -and be honest- : "Am I good enough?"
If you say out loud "I am good enough", how true does that sound to you from 0-10? This should be a complete 10. You are born good enough, just like everyone else.

If you feel that you are not good enough, then ask yourself where you've learned that. You almost surely have developed the belief before the age of 12. And it most likely comes from experiences with on of your parents, siblings, teachers, peers etc.

Things happened to you or were said to you (probably repetitively), you interpreted that and you formed a belief that you're not good enough.

Maybe you had a mom or dad who ignored you and/or didn't acknowledge your achievements or accomplishments. This might result in you believing "I'm unlovable" or "I'm unimportant/I don't matter".

Or maybe your parents were physically or verbally abusive. Then these repetitive messages or negative events can make you feel rejected all the time. And here you probably picked up that "I'm unworthy", "I'm unlovable".

It can be that your parents used to always say "C'mon now Maria" and looked disappointed at you all the time, meaning to say "can't you do anything right?!" This can cause you to form the idea that there's something wrong with you or that you're not good enough and a failure.

_And it doesn't necessarily have to be your parents -though it's the case 90% of the time since they're so prevalent in your life at that age-, it can also be your siblings._

Maybe your older brothers always teased you. Or maybe your sister was treated differently from you, maybe she was 'the favorite'&#8230;
This can then have caused you to believe/feel that "I'm not good enough" and/or "I'm unlovable".

...

The trick is to use all your efforts and therapy tools to eliminate the negative charge from the past and unlearn the "I'm not good enough" from the past. I have tried a LOT of therapies and I've found EFT/MTT to be the most powerful and efficient BY FAR.

And I highly recommend you check those out.


----------



## donavan (Jun 23, 2010)

SA Solutions said:


> The one core identity belief that I run into consistently when working with clients and had to overcome myself is this one:
> 
> *"I am not good enough"*
> 
> ...


yes the beleifs about identity seem to be the core beleifs that controll everything, they are the root of all of the others and lots more beleifs and assumptions stem from that one beleif. its like a tree with loads of branches. the core beleif is the trunk and then youve got all of these other beleifs (branches) coming off it

if you beleive ''im unloveable'' then you begin to make ceratian assumptions such as ''if i let people close to me they will see how unloveable i am and then they will reject me''. and from that you create even more beleifs such as '' i must keep people at as much of a distance as possible''

if you just beleived that you was lovable in the 1st place then you wouldnt have all of the other beleifs and assumptions, and all of the problems that come with them


----------



## donavan (Jun 23, 2010)

wane said:


> Just this month, I suddenly decided I dont want to listen to these negative thoughts in my head anymore. I had been working on my negative core beliefs. I suspect this could have something to do with it. I realise paroxetine has been eliminating the negative self talk for the past year, yet I noticed it reappearing recently. This got me motivated to start to work on CBT side of things again. I havent felt this good since I first began on paroxetine.
> 
> Has anyone else tried working on their negative core beliefs?


ive had a go at uncovering my beleifs on many occasions but i have great difficulty with it. ive got avpd therefore i dont just avoid socializing i also avoid negative feelings and negative thinking. uncovering your beleifs always brings up negative thoughts and feels and whenever this happens i just go blank cos i cant handle it

but i have got an idea what my beleifs are, i just cant seem to put them into words. for example when i was a kid i got rejected a hell of a lot especially by the people closest to me, and i obviously know that im terrified off rejection. i know that my uncnonious beleifs have something do to with expecting everyone to reject me, i just cant put it into specific words

anyway there are many steps to change your beleifs:

1)the 1st step is try and uncover were they came from. dont worry if you cant cos this step is not essential but if you can then it will certainly be helpful. i know were my beleifs about rejection came from, they came from my childhood when i got rejected frequently.
2)anaylise the past experience that created the beleif to see wether there is any truth in the beleif. for example is you think you are unloveable cos your mother rejected you , then look back and see why she rejected you. in my case my mother had SA herself and couldnt express love so thats why she rejected me, it had nothing to do with my loveabilty
3)once you start seeing that there is no truth in your past beleifs you can lower there strengh quite a bit. the problem is though that just becuase you can now conciously see how stupid they are doesnt mean yuo have removed them from your uncocnious mind. they are rooted in your unconcious mind, theyve been there for years. a smoker cant remove his habit from his unconciousmind by simply realising his habit is useless
4)you then have to use techniques that change things at the unconcious level. timeline therapy can take you back to the event and release the beleif from the memorie. hypnosis and thinkrightnow can also change beleifs unconciously 
5)moving beleifs from your head to your heart. when you can conciously see that your old beleifs are stupid and your new one are true then you have them in your head. you know they make sense but you still dont truly beleif it. to truly beleive it in your heart you have to get out there into real life and test them out. every bit of real life evidence you experience will eventually move them from your head to your heart


----------



## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

So far I have limited success with breaking down faulty core beliefs. I have faith that it's the way for me to progress, though. I'm also fascinated with the elegance of a system that can seem so imprenetable. A belief distorts our perception so that we see and understand our experience in such a way that our experience seems to support the belief, making it stronger. Powerful stuff.


----------



## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

This is what I have been trying to do since I started listening to Dr. Richard's tapes. I definitely feel that I am not good enough in most situations, but I'm really not sure where it came from. I always excelled in school and I knew that I was good at it. And I don't remember my parents ever telling me that I wasn't good enough. I really don't know.


----------



## ManWithNoName (Jul 15, 2010)

Personally I've always felt a bit inadequate, so much so that I don't really try to better myself. I've done a bit of CBT and I'm definitely improved, but the thought is still there unfortunately. I think I need to challenge it more, but I'm so assured of failure I tend not to take any risks.


----------



## Ameles (Jul 18, 2010)

I can always bring up reasons in my mind to refute my negative thinking patterns and negative beliefs. However, in the same way that my fears are irrational yet hold authority, so too do these negative beliefs hold strong against the battering of reason like a sea cliff to the foaming waves of the ocean.

The beliefs are so ingrained that I'm not sure reason alone has the power to topple them. It seems only repetition and habit have the power to make an impact.


----------



## owen22 (Jul 26, 2010)

I completely agree. Its implausible/impossible to just vanish negative sub-conscious thoughts that have been ingrained in ones mind. They usually develop early in life and take action not only in conscious thought but are further dug in by repetitive behaviors.
Merely being conscious of what you think and the causes behind theses thoughts, doesn't make them better. Since I've become more conscious of myself its had nothing but negative effects. I truly believe ignorance is bliss, and wish i remained unenlightened.
The natural fear response has evolved to the society we live in now. When we experience something happen in our enviornment, we are able to consciously tell our selves it's not a threat. This process is happening all through out our waking consciousness. This communication is learned, and the process eventually becomes subconscious. So, because of learned responses, we turn on the fear mechanism in our brain that causes anxiety.
Becoming aware of negative thought patterns is only a good things if the awareness leads to a change. This is where I'm stuck at right now. I can consciously think about my negative core beliefs, but find it very difficult to override them.


----------



## wane (Jun 9, 2010)

Before i was on paroxetine i had too many negative thoughts about everything and anything. On paroxetine i noticed i gradually began comparing myself to other people again. That was the start of it. Then gradually became aware of disturbing thoughts (my core beliefs) that i dont actually like talking to people, i dont need anyone, people are not caring. So i have tried working on these and instead telling myself actually i do like talking to some people, i do require some degree of social interaction, most people are caring and i found it has quietened my mind again like what the paroxetine did at first on its own. 

However i am of course frightened that these core beliefs which i must have developed after my grandpa died when i was 8 maybe too ingrained and reappear if and when i come off medication.


----------

