# The Friendship Totem Pole



## wildinthestreets (Jul 31, 2013)

I'm the low man on the totem pole. My friends make it clear that they don't care about me. They've stopped inviting me places, they trash talk at me, they take advantage of my kindness, they tend to ignore me in public conversations, and I even got into a fight with one of them recently because I called him out on his behavior, and instead of owning up, he took a swing at me. Scary thing was, I would've taken a bullet for the guy. I feel like I have no real friends, no one who'd lift a finger for me. I'm just the disposable one in the group, the least valued in the hierarchy who serves only to occupy space.

Anyone feel similarly? That you're the least cared-about in your group?

(Oh, and I once heard from my professor that the lowest figure on the totem pole is actually the MOST respected—making this a very meta example of our toxic effect on Native American culture.)


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

wildinthestreets said:


> I'm the low man on the totem pole. My friends make it clear that they don't care about me. They've stopped inviting me places, they trash talk at me, they take advantage of my kindness, they tend to ignore me in public conversations, and I even got into a fight with one of them recently because I called him out on his behavior, and instead of owning up, he took a swing at me. Scary thing was, I would've taken a bullet for the guy. I feel like I have no real friends, no one who'd lift a finger for me. I'm just the disposable one in the group, the least valued in the hierarchy who serves only to occupy space.
> 
> Anyone feel similarly? That you're the least cared-about in your group?
> 
> (Oh, and I once heard from my professor that the lowest figure on the totem pole is actually the MOST respected-making this a very meta example of our toxic effect on Native American culture.)


Preaching to the choir man! I been there and I left because I don't need that kind of "friendship".


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## wildinthestreets (Jul 31, 2013)

AxeDroid said:


> Preaching to the choir man! I been there and I left because I don't need that kind of "friendship".


It's like an abusive relationship-I can't get out of it. Would I rather sit alone on my lunch break, or present the illusion that I'm a respected member of a group?


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

wildinthestreets said:


> It's like an abusive relationship-I can't get out of it. Would I rather sit alone on my lunch break, or present the illusion that I'm a respected member of a group?


That is a tough one to pick but since I have been on this path before I would pick sitting alone since the last time I was in a group I got punched in the arm while my "friends' did nothing. I stood there, amazed at what I just saw and that was the last time I hanged with them.


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## Ariesintrovert (Dec 26, 2012)

I'm sorry your friends treat you like this. I only remember feeling like this when I was a lot younger.. 5th grade or so. I was always the "butt" of everyones jokes. I would over exaggerate and give them something to laugh about just so I could be in control of the laughter. I haven't had a group of friends or a true friend since 6th grade or so.. I'm a senior in hs now. 

If your not getting the respect you think you desreve and your "friends" don't take you seriously you should drop them. If anything-- when they see you sitting alone they'll feel bad and try and change their behavior. Good Luck.


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## emeraldfire2065 (Feb 27, 2012)

I definitely know what you're feeling. I've always felt like the 'lowest man' (or in this case 'woman' on the totem pole with every friendship I've ever had. Every friend I've made has been controlling and caring only about themselves. Even my current friends are like this.

My friends no longer invite me out to places. It started off because I worked fulltime and they didn't, and initially I did feel a little left out. But now I'm past caring, and I much prefer it that way. We don't have anything in common now. I feel more like the thread waiting to either be cut loose or pull away of my own accord.

My friends have always dissed my interests, criticised my skills and never offering praise, when I do my utmost to praise theirs, and basically insulted me without any sort of apology. The only reason I'm still around is that I'm loyal and don't want conflict, which is what I'd have to go through to end the friendship.

Me and my current friends have been together for ten years. It saddens me to admit it, but I wouldn't miss it.


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