# Confidence therapy?



## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

I'd like to start looking into therapy to help get myself out of this funk I'm in. I could use some confidence when talking with people I don't know, especially women, and would also like to work on being more social at places like work (where I basically come in and the only conversations I have with people are work related. There's a lot of the awkward walking by someone and saying "hi" almost mumbled under my breath thing). Sometimes I walk a different way to get somewhere so I can avoid coming into contact with someone - even if all it would be is "hey how are you" thing. 

Anyone have any ideas as to what type of therapy I should start with? Do I need Cognitive Behavioral Therapy first before going into a different type? Any advice, experiences, thoughts, well pretty much ANYTHING is appreciated.


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## GivesUpEasily (Jun 6, 2011)

I have similar work-related behavior as well. I can say that cognitive behavioral therapy is definitely something you should try. Just about anything you try will work as along as you understand it and believe that it will work. CBT has actually worked for many people. If you don't have any confidence in the therapy then it is likely to have no effect, or could be detrimental to any real progress.

The thing you must always keep in your mind is sticking to it! That's my problem, I know the therapy works for me and I really enjoy the exercises, but I always forget, or occupy my time with other things. It's a great feeling to make progress and do things with ease where before I felt it was nearly impossible. I work to experience it as often as possible.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

I haven't been to therapy in years but....do you really think you need it in order to build confidence? What about making more goals for yourself, standing up for yourself when need be and focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses?


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

I used to stand up for myself all the time in middle school and high school. All it got me was a bad reputation for getting into fights and a bunch of days off of school (why are suspensions supposed to be punishment?) 

And I've been trying to focus on my strengths, but it's been a few years of social anxiety that I can't get over so I feel like I need to try something different to get over this. There are plenty of things I can do fine and work through my anxiety, but there are plenty of times that I get nervous/anxious and am not able to do the things that I told myself I would - IE finding a cute girl at the bar to talk to for a while, meeting friends at the bar by myself (sometimes I can and sometimes I can't), etc. 

I don't want to take medication if I don't absolutely have to, so the next option seemed to be therapy. Mae West, have you been able to overcome SAD without meds or therapy?


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## Makaveli (Jul 15, 2009)

Mae West said:


> I haven't been to therapy in years but....do you really think you need it in order to build confidence? What about making *more goals* for yourself, *standing up for yourself* when need be and focusing on your *strengths* instead of your weaknesses?


The post before you made alot of sense. If you believe and have hope, it will work. So it's a placebo effect.

I think that simply reminding yourself that everything will be OK and anxiety/depression is never permanent and things will improve. Allowing yourself to feel nervous or anxious and just moving on.

Having said that, I will retry CBT but this time with the aid of a book. I just couldn't get my head around the concept when I was seeing a psych.

All the bolded bits are very valid. Sometimes just being cool and collected and unflustered can help so much. If you can develop an unflappable acceptance of yourself and truly are comfortable with who you are then anyone's critisicm will just fly past you. If anyone is in you space or being a total prick or *****, then putting them in their place assertively.

This is my real issue. Keeping things bottled up and having alot of focus on my weaknesses and negative distortions of self.

Just to be free to be assertive and not fear in putting people in their place.


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