# I applied for a year of social interaction



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

That's what it essentially boils down to. I've never posted here but I felt compelled to for this triumph.

I applied to work with a program at my university. They are year long positions, comprised of meetings with students to talk about some sort of issue related to student life for about 5 hours a week. The position also includes mandatory classroom presentations and continual training in large groups.

To get/train for the position, I have so far:

-completed an hour long interview
-lived through multiple days of ice breakers / group lunches with 50 other volunteers
-been trapped in the woods on a group fieldtrip
-climbed trees 40 feet in the air in some sort of twisted "group trust" adventure
-fallen off said trees and not died thanks to the magic of ropes and harnesses
-spoken (on a panel of three) for an hour in front of 62 newly admitted univ students
-role played possible scenarios we might face in front of about 25 other volunteers

Looking at that list, I have no idea how I managed. But I'm really passionate about this program and that has somehow carried me though so far. I'm terrified, but I really really want to be able to make this work. I officially start next week.


----------



## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

Good job! That is very impressive.


----------



## ImAboutToEXPLODE (Nov 20, 2007)

> -completed an hour long interview
> -lived through multiple days of ice breakers / group lunches with 50 other volunteers
> -been trapped in the woods on a group fieldtrip
> -climbed trees 40 feet in the air in some sort of twisted "group trust" adventure
> ...


i'd have to be on heroin to get through that.

falling of trees i wouldn't have a problem with though.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^ My legs shook uncontrollably for like an hour after I fell. I sat on the ground and didn't move for a loooong time. I have no idea how people enjoy heights.

I should mention this was over the course of several weeks, not like all at once.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

(Long) Mid-Year Update!

I have officially survived this program for an entire semester as of today.

Each week I met with usually one or two students. We'd sit down and they'd explain their issue they came in with and I'd give them suggestions or resources to help them find a solution. At the beginning of the year I'd worry about a meeting weeks in advance, but as I met with more students it shortened to days. I'm still always nervous when someone first comes in and I have to be all "Hi, I'm Elise" and all that introduction stuff, but I think I've gotten much more comfortable talking to people once I've officially met them.

I am still really struggling with feeling confident about the meeting once a student has left. I still go over the meeting countless times in my head, and there is always a voice in my head whispering "that student secretely HATED you and you didn't help them at ALL". I had a meeting with the program boss today though, and she said feedback about me had been positive. So I will work on trying to silence that voice in my head and trust that I somehow ended up being helpful and professional. That is definitely next semester's goal.

I've also had to speak in front of several larger groups, and think I'm slowly getting better at it. I've co-run a couple hour long seminars (with like six people max), and spoken on a couple panels. I'm really proud of myself for speaking on the panel, students just ask you questions about your university experience and you answer honestly. I answered _too _honestly once and admitted I was a huge nerd and hermit and never go anywhere socially but I'm trying not to kick myself for that (and semi succeeding). While I still replay the panels over and over obsessively in my head afterwards, I feel much more prepared and equipped to speak in front of groups of people.

The boss mentioned today that I seem very shy and apprehensive, and like I'm always worrying about something. I had one meeting with a very agitated student and she said I took the consultation way too personally. I wanted to be all hey at least I didn't have a panic attack about it but bit my tongue.

There are several other peers in the program, and while I always feel like an outsider in the group since they are all very outgoing, I can manage some small talk with most of them about exams and other boring topics. Bonus!

All in all: I think this program is really helping me speak in front of others and feel competent when I need to explain things. It's really helped me destress about public speaking. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm definitely on the right track.

PS sorry if my description of the program is vague I am decently paranoid about the internets.


----------



## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

Way to go! Working with the public, any public, is hard, and it sounds like you're handling it really well.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Thank you! I'm really excited at the progress I have made so far. 

It turns out stepping out of your comfort zone everyone once in a while can pay off. Who knew?


----------



## Just Joe 123 (Nov 27, 2008)

Good luck, and thanks for sharing. Sounds like you endured a lot, but enjoyed it in the process. It's always good to hear successful stories, and it sounds like you're on the way there, and already have overcome many obstacles.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

So it's been a rollercoaster week.

I had a great triumph last week, when I volunteered to sit an an information booth about my program and answer questions for four hours. What do you do? Why would I meet with you? Where is the nearest bathroom?

I think I did really well: I was able to answer most questions, and I gave people brochures and stuff. I didn't really stumble or say anything stupid or do anything too embarassing. Sometimes there was someone else at the booth, which is an additional challenge for me because if I know the subject matter I tend to be a fact-giver-outer hog. I can't balance a three way conversation really well, I tend to jump in at the wrong place or cut someone off or not take my cue to speak or whatever. I still had some trouble jumping in at the wrong place when both of us behind the booth were talking to the person, but I did better than I normally do. I felt really good when I left and almost social.

Today: disaster. Internet paranoia is preventing me from giving details, but basically, I was running a group session. Usually three or five people show up, there are group activityish things, and then they leave. About FIFTEEN PEOPLE showed up this time.

My professor held class too long so I showed up exactly on time instead of early, and I round the corner and this mass of people are all waiting. That totally threw me off, and I felt horrible for seeming unprofessional and late and so I already felt they didn't like me. Then the group activity massively bombed since no one really wanted to talk in such a big group. So I kept trying to ask questions and start things and no one was volunteering to do anything or contribute anything and just kept staring at me. Since stuff that should take 15 minutes to cover were taking eight, I totally ran out of things before the end. There were some lovely awkward pauses with fifteen people staring at me and me just having nothing to actually do or say.

So, you know, I feel kindof crummy right now but this _is _the Triumphs thread so don't worry I'll be getting back on that horse or whatever the saying is. I'll take it one day at a time for the next little while until I feel more confident again. I'm going to try and focus on staying positive and conquering the insecurities today gave me so I look forward ot the next few sessions after this.


----------



## Cicero (Dec 4, 2008)

Wow, this is awesome. I'm inspired!


----------



## shyguy246 (Apr 27, 2006)

Perfectionist said:


> So it's been a rollercoaster week.
> 
> I had a great triumph last week, when I volunteered to sit an an information booth about my program and answer questions for four hours. What do you do? Why would I meet with you? Where is the nearest bathroom?
> 
> ...


:hug


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^Thanks Lucas.

The hardest part was after, when I had to finish my day and go to class and I was just trying to keep my heart rate under control and not start bawling. It just felt more and more horrid as I kept replying it. I just kept running an eternal loop of "every person there _hated _me" over and over in my head. I did manage to finish the day though, then ran home and consoled myself with unhealthy food.

I feel I can't have a negative post in the Triumps section! I got through it, and didn't hide in the bathroom and panic over it, though tempted. Woohoo!

I'm still glad I'm doing this though, I think it's helping me.


----------



## digitalangel (Jan 15, 2009)

WOW, this sounds awesome and so helpful for SA! I would LOVE to try something like that, is there a name for this type of program? Just volunteer work?

Congrats on your success!


----------



## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

This is impressive.
It really encourages me, and probably a lot of others, to not shy away from challenges.


----------



## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

*Wow, you are doing an amazing job, Perfectionist. You're obviously very strong and courageous. I just hope I can become as courageous as you've been.*


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Woah now, no need to go throwing out fancy shmancy adjectives at me:b.

But thanks, I'm just taking it one day at a time, as everyone can. Yesterday was my first really bad experience, so overall it's been positive.


----------



## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

Perfectionist said:


> Woah now, no need to go throwing out fancy shmancy adjectives at me:b.
> 
> But thanks, I'm just taking it one day at a time, as everyone can. Yesterday was my first really bad experience, so overall it's been positive.


*lol, well you definitely deserve a pat on the back that's for sure.*


----------



## StPatrick317 (Dec 4, 2008)

That is fantastic, in fact I would love to do something like that..especially if it is related to your field, interests etc. I know of some a program like this, that was helpful to my sister and my brother, who both had some anxiety...but its extremely religious so it's not good unless you like being brainwashed

Do other universities offer something like this? I'm from near Seattle WA


I understand what your talking about with the loop thing, I would phrase it like running a negative scenario in your head about how it was. Sometimes I ask afterwards and the person says something was great that I thought I did terrible in. 

Regardless, stuff like sounds really helpful, especially when you have a clear goal in mind


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Hey St Patrick,

Internet paranoia prevents me from giving out details, but it's basically a peer program. Lots of universities have some sort of peer program, where you can get involved in tons of different activities. Running events, starting a club, writing for the school paper or anything like that. Basically anything that starts you doing something on campus besides sitting in lecture.

Yeah, stopping those negative thoughts afterwards can be really tough. I find hours or days later my mind blows every mistake completely out of proportion, so I just feel more and more embarassed about my social interactions as I look back on them. I think you're right about asking other people for some feedback - it might help if your negative thoughts get completely unrealistic.

I'm definitely finding this a challenge, but I'm trying to stick with it. I have another group session thing coming up next week, my first since the epically bombed one, so I'm trying to start to think positive about it and prepare. I hope you find something like this near you!


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Perfectionist said:


> Today: disaster. Internet paranoia is preventing me from giving details, but basically, I was running a group session. Usually three or five people show up, there are group activityish things, and then they leave. About FIFTEEN PEOPLE showed up this time.


Good news! I had my first group session today after the disasterous one, and I think it went well! Nine people showed up. I had been preparing for waaay too many hours, and managed to keep everyone involved and on task for the whole hour.

It's still makes me internally panic when there is a lull in the activity and everyone turns and STARES at me waiting for me to do something. It's really natural for me to completely blank when this happens. Anytime I have a question of comment I think of that could keep the activity going, I'm trying to write it down so I'm prepared when there's a lull and I get ten sets of eyes in my direciton. It's still a challenge.

But I got lots of positive feedback today, and everyone said my group activities I planned were really successful!


----------



## Cicero (Dec 4, 2008)

That's so awesome! I bet the lulls will barely bother you after you've gone through enough of them.


----------



## pirinja (Feb 12, 2009)

Wow, it's very admirable that you're doing this =)
Keep up the good work!


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Update Update!

I volunteered to do this during the summer as well, which wasn't even required for the position. This is something I almost look forward to now, I'm definitely more at ease with it.

In terms of the difficulty I have greeting people, I think I'm doing better at it. I used to hesitate with a handshake - I'd kindof half attempt one and it would miserably fail. Now I'm just sticking my hand out right away and it's working, I'm finding meeting people a lot easier. A firm handshake is helping.

I've gotten some written feedback, and the students I have met with have said I am a good listener and "awesome". One of the coordinators whom I don't know really well was shocked when I said I was an introvert and naturally shy.

I chickened out doing the group session things I was having difficulty with for the summer semester. I didn't sign up to run anymore. It was a bit of the anxiety, and a bit of the fact that I'm just plain not very good at doing it. I did last two semesters of it though, and if I had to do it again I think I'd be okay. I'd just prefer not to.

When I think about it, I still worry that I'm doing a poor job. But overall, I think the fact that I'm at least trying this is helping with my self confidence and anxiety.


----------

