# College Speech Class-Cannot Speak! Long Verbal Crutches! Drastic Drop in Grades! Help



## Zeerak (May 5, 2013)

I’m 21 years old, and currently I’m in college for an undergraduate degree. We have this course of Speech, in which they apparently prepare and then assess you for parliamentary debates etc. 
At the start of the semester, I was doing reasonable in the class, I was not too good and neither too bad. I was not very significant in the class. Then for one assessment the instructor wanted us to prepare for a famous speech reading. I chose Sojourner Truth’s “Ain’t I a Woman”. I actually am a person who likes to act, this speech was a bit dramatic so I chose this one, and actually this was the first task that actually interested me. I prepared for it well. And on the speech day; I did it so well, that I surprised everyone. I did the best in the class, and got highest marks. Since that day I became significant and actually came in everyone’s eyes. 
Now from the next class, I saw this guy who was constantly looking at me. Whenever I see at back, I caught his eyes, and he was looking at me. Honestly, he’s a very talented guy, and he has won parliamentary debate championships, and he’s a photographer so yeah. 
Now I eventually got to know by his that he’s interested in me, but I’m that lively type person, it’s not that I don’t want to be in any relationship, but honestly I’m afraid, I’m afraid what if I get into a guy, the relationship doesn’t work, and he leaves me after sometime. This will be the worst thing for me. And honestly I really don’t know that once a guy starts liking me, how do I proceed? How to advance? And honestly right now I really don’t want to advance and all. My studies will get severely affected and it’s only my freshman year.
Now, ever since I have started liking him back (which I’m sure he knows), I have seen a drastic drop in my performance in the speech class. I’m very shy from him. I just don’t want to go in front of him. And that’s why when he is in the class, I can’t even speak. 
I really felt it today. Today were our parliamentary debates which were assessed. I worked hard for them over the weekend. I researched a lot, made notes and everything. I was quite confident that I will again be able to impress everyone, if not impress, then at least I won’t crutch with all the Uhs and Uhms and long pauses. But all my hard work, all my hopes went down the drain once I saw him. He was so good at speaking, and I was intimidated. I tried every bit that while I’m speaking I don’t look at him, but to no avail, I don’t know how but somehow from some corner of my eye, I can always watch him and it sucks. 
He makes all his speeches so effortlessly with absolutely no pauses, no confusions, and no nervousness. Isn’t this unfair, some people just stand up and speak fluently whereas I, I cannot for a single time speak without the long uhs and uhms and without any hitches and interruption. This is so unfair. It is never ever the case that I dont come to class without doing my homework; it was never for once the case. But still there is no improvement. I dont know how to cope up with this. I have already tried whatever is in my control. I dont know what is hampering me, or where am I mistaken? 
These guys in my speech class, and this crush that I have lately developed, they have simply almost zero impact in my life and I’m trying to impress them? I dont know why? Why has my aim become only to impress these guys? 
I cannot tell you but a million of things are bothering me right now. I'm performing really badly in my speech class constantly. My graph is constantly going down. This guys who has showed interest in me, We have never talked to each other nor do I plan to. I dont want my studies to be affected in any way. Neither do I have the guts to go up and talk to him. He wont be doing the same that's for sure. So it's not really going to end any where. It's just that I'm waiting for this semester to end, so that I get rid of the tension he has been giving me so far. Since I also feel attracted to him, what I think that lately I have directed all my efforts towards impressing him in the speech class. He is a very good speaker and actually he's a debate champion. I do not have a debating personality. I'm not making good speeches in my class, while he speaks fluently. Not a single time that I dont speak without any long uhs and uhms and all the hitches and interruptions and verbal crutches. This is very unfair. Almost everyone in my class can just stand up and speak extra fluently on simply any given topic, while I just stand there and keep doing the long uhsss. I just cant think and speak, what the hell is wrong with me? Now extempores are coming from the next class where they give you too little time to prepare, where I cant speak when I have prepared on the whole weekend, how will be able to speak given just few minutes to prepare and then speak. I'm very afraid; I will not be able to speak a single word. All I'd do is the long uhs. I'm very depressed. Why is the world so unfair? I dont want to excel as a public speaker, all I want is to perform acceptably, perform nominally. At least without the over verbal crutches that I have.
I’m sorry for such a long post. You see, I don’t speak much in actual life, rather I’ll write everything and just blurt everything out. I hope any of you who is so kind that they read al of this will surely give me some advice to help. Thanks!


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I'm afraid any suggestions I would have would be to talk to this guy. The tension is what sounds like is causing the issue here. 

Say, hypothetically, you talked to him. Could you possibly ask him to not come to class during the time you are speaking. Maybe even discuss it with your professor...maybe just having him leave the room while you are speaking could help. Of course you would have to TELL this guy that. I think he might take it harshly if he is escorted out when you are about to speak without any idea why.


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## Zeerak (May 5, 2013)

Thank you Evo for your reply but that can't be done! Look I'm from South Asia, and we just can't go to this guy and ask him for help. Plus I cant really talk to the professor, she is very conservative regarding relationships, and if I'll talk about asking her that each time I speak (which is going to be quiet frequent) she asks the guy to go out of the class would be sheerly in vain. That's not going to happen nor the guy is going to help me in anyway that's for sure. I have to help myself on my own, and for that I really need suggestions, how can I help myself?


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## cc1991 (Apr 23, 2013)

This guy is just a guy. You sounds like you like him and are worried about him liking you. It might be best to talk to him and just see what he's like. He could be very shy and not show it. If you focus on your tasks and the class, and not him, you will feel better. Talk to to him, even though it might seem scary, because it could lead to something nice.


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