# Starting Uni tomorrow!!! Arghhhhh



## whteva (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey everyone so Im 26 and have to start Uni tomorrow and Im freaking out. Ive been out of school for about 10 years cause I was always so quiet and had such a hard time making friends. I really want university to be different. 

Does anyone have any helpful suggestions. I dont want to be branded as the quiet girl again as I have to be with these people for the next 4 years :/. Im also in a new area not knowing anyone to start with and not even having family around. kinda freaking out.


----------



## Naked Ape (Apr 5, 2010)

If you are the quiet girl and you try to look different you will be under stress and unnatural all the time and it will be even more difficult to connect with people.

Besides trying a therapy (medications, supplements,psychotherapy ) if you feel you need it, I can only suggest you to look for people you can connect easily. If you don’t find any of them among your schoolmates look elsewhere, courses, neighbours, libraries....it could actually be a long search, but that is the only thing I would do if I were you.

Good luck!


----------



## robtyl (Sep 2, 2010)

I've been at uni for seven years now so I know a thing or two about how it works...

It's not at all like school - there are some similarities, but it's a game played by different rules. Be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not, and you should be fine.

that being said, if you're an unfriendly person, don't be. If you're the type of person who doesn't reciprocate efforts to be friendly, don't be. Even if you're too shy to say hello, etc., don't worry - someone wil speak to you sooner or later. And when they do, make sure to actually act HAPPY that they're speaking to you (something I never did because I was still to shy - and came off as rude).

I realised this much too late, but the more relaxed you are and at ease, the easier EVERYTHING becomes - and even making friends becomes easy. I know, easier said than done - this is a social anxiety site after all - but it really is a state of mind type of thing.

In short - make the effort to be friendly. There will be really hot people at uni, and really cool people; but they won't necessarily be snobbish or rude. Most people are friendly and you just need to get to know them. Saying hello to people really helps. I was petrified of this and could never imagine myself doing this... and then one day I tried it. And it wasn't too bad. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So maybe try being a tad late to one class so you can just plonk yourself down quickly without worrying (it's an excuse to sit next to someone) and then just say hi and introduce yourself. It's terrifying, but well worth the effort. And if you can't do that - at least respond when someone tries to say hello to you.

Join clubs! I wish I did more of this when I first joined uni. And join a few... join a volunteering club too - sometimes it's hard when you join a club where people already know eachother, but there's no other way to meet people than to put yourself out there. Try to expose yourself to as many different activities as possible and give yourself opportunities to meet people. That means going to class, not sitting at the back or in the corner, joining clubs, going to public lectures (if they have them), etc., doing group activities in some classes.

Make the effort, and it will pay off. Take it from someone who's been there, but was too shy to make the effort.


And after ruining my chance to lend you constructive advice in typing what has been a very repetitious and ill-constructed post, I shall retire for the evening. 

Sweet dreams 

x


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

It's going to feel different for you, there's no sense in sugarcoating that. I'm 25 and I feel very out of place in any 2nd year courses I have to take. Even two years younger can feel like a lot when surrounded by them. On the other hand, I've already done 7 years of uni so for me it's more of a "been there done that." But you are 26 so it's not going to be The Same experience when most people are younger. I realize I sound awfully depressing but I just want to be sure you know it might feel odd at first but that's normal given the age gap. On campus though you'll be fine! Especially if your school has a lot of grad school options you'll find lots of people your age, just not necessarily in your classes which is a bummer. You'll find the mid-twenties kids at local pubs or in clubs or the library or at sports games orr...well anywhere but the classes you're likely taking. 

Don't focus on "the next four year" with them. People switch majors ALL the time and even if they don't, classes are too big to ever notice until your third or fourth year. Are you in residence?


----------



## whteva (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey thanks for the replies guys. Ive actually had 2 days at uni and im now so excited for the rest of the year. Ive met some really great people to at least attend lectures and stuff with and im being very friendly. 

It is alot different to what I thought. People actually seem nice so far. I know alot of the people are younger than me but there is alot that arent so Im not really worried about being older. 

Seafolly I really dont think your post was helpful or nessassary. I was quite excited about uni till you wrote that. Because of the type of forum we are on prehaps you should think before you say things as it could un settle the other person.


----------



## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

I hope it goes well for you. I'd say try out campus events. I'm in my last semester and never did this because i have agoraphobia issues w/going out around here, but a lot of them look really fun/interesting.


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Yikes. o.0

Well I think you're probably aware it was not intended to scare you...do I strike you as a malicious person? Personally I think it's more harmful to lie to someone and have their hopes potentially dashed. If I wrote your post I'd be hoping for personal experiences rather than a contrived, "You'll be fine!" Does that response help? If so, I'll know better for any future posts of yours as I've never received a complaint about the content of my posts before...

My warning simply came from the simple fact that most 18 year olds, the typical age of those in first year, aren't at the same maturity level as 26 year olds. If you can relate to them, all power to you. Maybe you've been set up in a dorm with those your age in which case that's fantastic.

I don't know of anyone my age beginning an undergrad knowing no one in a foreign city who's instantly in love with it so it sounds like you're in residence for which I applaud your school for offering. I hope you continue to enjoy university as it truly can be a blast.


----------



## That guy over there (Jan 18, 2011)

I should be starting Uni in September part of me is looking forward to it and part of me is dreading it :afr. What I think I will end up doing is pushing me self to make small talk in order to make friends whether I am comfortable with it or not. I find that its an effective way besides the anxiety.


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

That guy over there said:


> I should be starting Uni in September part of me is looking forward to it and part of me is dreading it :afr. What I think I will end up doing is pushing me self to make small talk in order to make friends whether I am comfortable with it or not. I find that its an effective way besides the anxiety.


Remember that everyone enters with some anxiety! They're all leaving their home, friends and family, and comfort zones. You're all in the same boat which makes befriending people a lot easier.


----------

