# Not stable enough for a relationship.



## Mea (Nov 11, 2012)

So I've been talking to this guy for a while. He's super nice and has a great sense of humor, which I love. Sometimes he'll text me and I won't text him back. He'll keep trying though... He'll text me just about everyday asking if I'm ok. I think he likes me enough to ask me out, but I just don't feel stable enough, mentally, for a relationship. There are so many problems that I have to figure out before I date someone. I just don't know how to tell him. Anybody ever gone through this, and if so, do you have any advice for me?


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

You know hun - if you can explain that to him and he sticks around you have a winner. If you can be open enough and not scare him off there might be something there. For now explain to him that you want to remain friends.


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## Mea (Nov 11, 2012)

Lasair said:


> You know hun - if you can explain that to him and he sticks around you have a winner. If you can be open enough and not scare him off there might be something there. For now explain to him that you want to remain friends.


I think he kind of knows that something isn't right. He likes to talk to me about it, but I've never gone into detail. I like him, but I don't want to ruin what we already have by me having a panic attack or a mood swing that makes me seem like a crazy *****. I've never been able to date because of my SA, OCD, or whatever is going on. It's very frustrating. It wouldn't be right of me to begin a relationship with someone and then drive them nuts with my problems. I just hope he can wait until I feel better.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

Mea said:


> I think he kind of knows that something isn't right. He likes to talk to me about it, but I've never gone into detail. I like him, but I don't want to ruin what we already have by me having a panic attack or a mood swing that makes me seem like a crazy *****. I've never been able to date because of my SA, OCD, or whatever is going on. It's very frustrating. It wouldn't be right of me to begin a relationship with someone and then drive them nuts with my problems. I just hope he can wait until I feel better.


Maybe you could try giving him more credit - you don't know what he has gone through in his own life, what support and understanding he is capable of. I had to tell my now boyfriend stuff I never told anyone in order to have things work and he is amazing.


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

I would just go for it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out


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## bazinga (Jun 9, 2010)

My sister and I, both bipolar, have two different paths. Both of us were nuts around early 20s. That's just a 'craziness' period of time.

Her path started by taking medications. However she met a man who understands everything about her and as she puts it 'keeps her stable' His support gets her through any craziness she may have. She no longer takes any meds for bipolar and she is very content.

My path started with medications. I chose to avoid relationships. 10 years down the road here I am still single. Also, still on medications.

Her opinion is that having a significant other can improve your quality of life dramatically and help you get through things you couldn't make it through on your own.

My opinion is that (in my experience) having a significant other does not make me happy. It does wonders for your confidence, but ultimately you have to find happiness on your own.

Choose your path. Do you want to meet someone special who you can love and share anything with? Or do you want to be single like me for a decade, 'happy enough' but still single. Oh well, at least I'm not lonely.


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## jim11 (May 23, 2011)

You'll never be ready if you didn't try.


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## bazinga (Jun 9, 2010)

Every time you don't text him back you are killing a part of his soul. jk

I don't like it when people don't text me back so I don't text many people. I get the feeling they don't want to talk even if that's not the case.


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## Mea (Nov 11, 2012)

Lasair said:


> Maybe you could try giving him more credit - you don't know what he has gone through in his own life, what support and understanding he is capable of. I had to tell my now boyfriend stuff I never told anyone in order to have things work and he is amazing.


You're right. I know he would understand. I'm just so scared of rejection.



ryobi said:


> I would just go for it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out


If only it were that easy. :\



bazinga said:


> My sister and I, both bipolar, have two different paths. Both of us were nuts around early 20s. That's just a 'craziness' period of time.
> 
> Her path started by taking medications. However she met a man who understands everything about her and as she puts it 'keeps her stable' His support gets her through any craziness she may have. She no longer takes any meds for bipolar and she is very content.
> 
> ...


I actually enjoy being single. I've never had a serious boyfriend either, so I can't really say I don't enjoy being in a relationship. lol Sometimes I just want to be left alone, and I feel like it's unfair for anyone to leave their partner wondering what's wrong. Your sister sounds like one happy girl. 



jim11 said:


> You'll never be ready if you didn't try.


I suppose you're right. I always get nervous when it comes to trying new things.



bazinga said:


> Every time you don't text him back you are killing a part of his soul. jk
> 
> I don't like it when people don't text me back so I don't text anybody.


lol I know right! I hate that! I feel so bad when I see him constantly trying to check on me. I just feel so down sometimes that I don't want to talk.


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## bazinga (Jun 9, 2010)

I had a very serious relationship in high school and into college. Fortunately for me I was a bipolar, mood-swinging maniac. I totally ran her off with my craziness.

I feel very stable now thanks to medication and support. I am confident I would make a good boyfriend. Relationships can be a very rewarding experience. It feels good to be loved.


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## dawn marie (Nov 29, 2012)

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, ever since I was 16. he's gone through a lot with me. If I was alone all of this time, I don't know where I'd be. I find that my boyfriend does bring stability to my life and really grounds me. He makes me feel secure in life. I'm more of an emotional type person and he balances me. I know that I also need to cultivate this stability in myself, but it's really nice to have that support there. Just my two cents.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

Mea said:


> You're right. I know he would understand. I'm just so scared of rejection.


No one likes rejection but if we don't put ourselves out there we will never know what the opposite feels like. Now is the time to start learning that there are some amazing people in the world.

What ever you choose to do keep us updated sweety.


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## Mea (Nov 11, 2012)

bazinga said:


> I had a very serious relationship in high school and into college. Fortunately for me I was a bipolar, mood-swinging maniac. I totally ran her off with my craziness.
> 
> I feel very stable now thanks to medication and support. I am confident I would make a good boyfriend. Relationships can be a very rewarding experience. It feels good to be loved.


Aww bless your heart.  I can understand how scary people can be with bipolar disorder. My dad had it and he would scream so loud at me and then apologize so quickly. I'm starting to act the same way and my mom is so fed up with me. I have never yelled at this guy and I hope I never do.



dawn marie said:


> I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, ever since I was 16. he's gone through a lot with me. If I was alone all of this time, I don't know where I'd be. I find that my boyfriend does bring stability to my life and really grounds me. He makes me feel secure in life. I'm more of an emotional type person and he balances me. I know that I also need to cultivate this stability in myself, but it's really nice to have that support there. Just my two cents.


That's awesome. He sounds like a great guy.  I asked my sister, who also knows the guy I'm talking to, if she thinks I'm stable enough for a relationship. She said the guy I'm talking to would probably be the only guy who would be willing to put up with me. lol



Lasair said:


> No one likes rejection but if we don't put ourselves out there we will never know what the opposite feels like. Now is the time to start learning that there are some amazing people in the world.
> 
> What ever you choose to do keep us updated sweety.


You're right. Everyone gets rejected one time or another. He actually told me this morning that he REALLY likes me. I'm happy, but nervous. When should I tell him about my problems? Should I tell him now or when he actually asks me out?


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

Mea said:


> You're right. Everyone gets rejected one time or another. He actually told me this morning that he REALLY likes me. I'm happy, but nervous. When should I tell him about my problems? Should I tell him now or when he actually asks me out?


Aw that is so lovely - you'll find a few months back I made a thread with that very question didn't get a great response - do you think that meeting him first time will cause a difficulty - like you could tell him that you are shy or that you finding meeting people for the first time difficult? That is what I did and kind of from there when I was sure and more comfortable I told more information when it came up, it was difficult though I have to day!


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## lavitabella (Apr 2, 2012)

Mea, a guy I asked out ages ago replied very similarly to what you said. I'm not sure if he ever even liked me or if it was the mere fear of being in a relationship which scared him. Remember, fear is the imaginary response to something that has not happened. It's tough sometimes to navigate waters and paths we have never traveled before. I think you should give this guy a chance, especially if you do like him -go with the flow, and try to talk with a professional about your concerns and to help overcome your doubts. All the best.


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## mjmagpie (Dec 3, 2012)

I totally can feel what it's like when you don't get tested back. I know someone who is nice enough to initiate some activities with me. I texted she did not respond. it was extremely painful. we have the same group of friends and I felt like it was a setup. like they were all just making fun of me. it totally increase my isolation. when you have few friends because of this disorder things like this can really throw you.


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