# How to describe the "feeling"



## Someone Is Here

This may sound a little self-explanatory, but bear with me.

I've seen several mental health professionals in the past, all of whom have asked me to describe what I actually feel when I'm in a social situation. And for some reason I've always had considerable difficulty articulating the feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy into words, other than describing them as feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy. 

I have a CBT appointment coming up in a few weeks time. I would like to be better prepared for this deceptively tricky question, should it arise.


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## My911GT2993

Yes it's difficult to put "the feeling" into words, the terror, dread and the thoughts. I have tried speaking to a coucillor before and couldn't....its like it's too big to explain with words, but she managed to know what I was saying anyway. Just do what you can and he/she/they will most probably understand, if they're any good at their job.


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## Zwick

Someone Is Here said:


> This may sound a little self-explanatory, but bear with me.
> 
> I've seen several mental health professionals in the past, all of whom have asked me to describe what I actually feel when I'm in a social situation. And for some reason I've always had considerable difficulty articulating the feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy into words, other than describing them as feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy.
> 
> I have a CBT appointment coming up in a few weeks time. I would like to be better prepared for this deceptively tricky question, should it arise.


If he/she doesn't understand the feeling of 
"paralysing terror and utter inadequacy" as you put it... Then you my friend need a new therapist 

But I get what you mean. There are so many feelings that go through ones head when suffering a serious case of SA it's hard to put in to words.

Maybe writing a list of feelings would help?

Write how you feel during bouts of SA in the following categories.

Physical 
- Avoiding eye contact
- Shaky leg syndrome
- Looking down

Thinking
- Focusing attentuion on yourself 
- Thinking about what may go wrong
- Worrying about what others think of you

Behavior
- Rehersing what you are about to say
- Speaking slowly, quietly or just way to quickly
- Holding things tight
- Saying nothing that might be challenging ro controversial

Bring the list with yourself to the therapist and show him how you feel.

GL


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## Hysteric

Someone Is Here said:


> This may sound a little self-explanatory, but bear with me.
> 
> I've seen several mental health professionals in the past, all of whom have asked me to describe what I actually feel when I'm in a social situation. And for some reason I've always had considerable difficulty articulating the feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy into words, other than describing them as feelings of paralysing terror and utter inadequacy.
> 
> I have a CBT appointment coming up in a few weeks time. I would like to be better prepared for this deceptively tricky question, should it arise.


Gah, I know exactly what you mean. This is the exact reason I find it hard explaining my personal SA to _anyone_, nevermind just a therapist. It's like, you try so hard to put it into words others will understand; but it just comes out all wrong.

I know the feeling and you know the feeling; but I fear others that have no experience with SA have no clue what I'm on about.

It's an indescribable feeling of exactly what you mentioned: 'utter inadequacy'

There is simply no other way I can think to describe it. :stu


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## redtogo72

Yeah, I have the same problem being able to describe my anxiety. Don't worry you will probably be doing activities when you start CBT to better understand what you are feeling/thinking during situations that cause you anxiety. One thing I had to do was write down what I was thinking/feeling at the time. He made me walk around town specifically for this purpose. If you try this, try to write about any quick thoughts you may have no matter how silly you might think they are. Also if you have physical pain, it's good to note that too. Later you can go back and read it. I know when reading my journal, I was surprised at some of the things I was thinking and how irrational they were.


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## Zam

1) Start with the thesaurus. (www.thesaurus.reference.com)
2) List all the related words that describe your feelings and say no more. 
3) Let the professionals piece them up for you (its their job).
4) You evaluate how close they're finding the real you (its your job as paying client).

Then goodluck to your next step(s)...


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## sadie08

I always say it felt like my feet were literally glued to the floor and I was on "mute" or had no words/voice and couldn't say a thing. Having to leave the situation immediately at all costs even if you freak people out by it.


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## Aurora

*


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## miminka

Gawd, this is extremely hard. I have never been asked this and I feel like I'm being asked all the wrong questions. But I haven't been able to confide and her and completely trust her which is completely irrational but I always have the feeling that I am being watched or listened to when we talk. Like even right now as I type this I feel like there's people who are seeing exactly what is on my computer screen. They're judging me and laughing at me. Ugh. I'm crazy. 

So like I said, I haven't been able to express the most crucial things.


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## kos

The song is called Phobia by Outkast and the intro is how i describe S.A. to people that don't have it. 




Talking; The feeling of being 12 years old and waking up in the middle 
of the night and somebody in yo room. 
Yo heart starts beating so fast 
you can hear it pumping. 
The veins in yo temple pulsate as you stare at the intruder. 
Then after a few minutes you realize he ain't moving. 
So finally you let 'em hang and 
turn on the light and 
the killer turns into 
yo coat throwed over the chair.

The feeling of sitting at the red light early in the morning and two or 
three mother****ers cross the street. 
Yo senses heighten, reflexes 
sharpen vision's enhanced adrenaline flows as they rush across the 
street you leave the print from the heater grip in yo palm then yo heart 
rate and breathing drag back to normal as you realize these ****** just 
goin' to the store.

Many of us mistake Phobia for true fear. Whereas fear is a gift from 
God to be used for self-preservation. Phobia are obstacles strategically 
placed in society by opposers of positive existence. Through 
stereotyping, innuendo, false documentation, and glorification they'll 
turn your fear switch to a permanent on. We can change this by changing 
the small truth within' the lie. Death is a small price to pay for 
respect. Death is a small price to pay for respect. You know who it is. 
You know what it is. Peace out.


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## LALoner

Sometimes in public I feel that if people see the real me I will be destroyed. Not by their violence, I will simply go poof and disappear. And I will be completely gone, my soul will not live on in any way, I will be gone forever. But if I get hit by a car crossing the street my soul will live on to something more.


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## PolarBear

Zwick said:


> Physical
> *- Avoiding eye contact*
> - Shaky leg syndrome
> *- Looking down*
> 
> Thinking
> *- Focusing attentuion on yourself
> - Thinking about what may go wrong
> - Worrying about what others think of you*
> 
> Behavior
> *- Rehersing what you are about to say
> - Speaking slowly, quietly or just way to quickly*
> - Holding things tight
> *- Saying nothing that might be challenging or controversial*
> 
> GL


This is like...exactly what happens when i get in one-on-one social situations.
I hate every second of it. The worst part is, is that i also crave it.

DAMN YOU CATCH-22!!


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## artist lace

I am impressed by anyone that can find it tolerable to see a professional about this disorder. Hats off to you for getting yourself help.

I have seen psychologists in the past, and I find that my anxiety is at it's very worst when I'm trying to talk to them. I shake. My voice, my hands, my legs. I feel inadequate and I feel like I don't belong there.

In other situations (especially interactions I was not prepared for) I feel that my breath catches in my chest. I almost feel excited, but in an extremely nervous way. It is a very difficult thing to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it.

Also, redtogo72, I am going to try your suggestion of writing down my thoughts throughout a day, as an experiment. I'd like to read them later and see how rational or irrational they seem while I'm in the safety of my own home. Thank you for mentioning that.


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## styler5

God I hate it when my therapist asks how I feel in certain situations. She wants me to be more specific but I can't describe it better. That's not the only reason but I usually feel more frustrated after a therapy session.


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## Sadaiyappan

Can I ask a question? Do any of you find that since you are shy you get turned on really easily if someone is in your personal space? How do you deal with that?


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## odd_one_out

I agree with Zwick. Think about how it affects you in different domains such as physical and behavioural.

I have the same difficulty because I'm a bit alexithymic. It helps to write it down and/or prepare in advance. If they insist on you articulating feelings constantly, then it might be worth considering a different type of therapy or therapist.


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## shychick2

Can you think of a specific example e.g. what comes to mind, is it a specific situation or images? I sometimes think of something random from childhood. By describing/probing into this it might come out. Saying what is on your mind might help e.g. I am completely blank and can't answer and I'm like this when I am out might show the therapist first hand what you do. I wrote down stuff as struggled to come up with anything actually in therapy.


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## caflme

Interesting... my boyfriends most common words are - I can't explain it... I'm just uncomfortable, and I can't do it (whatever it is at the time, coming to my house, going somewhere, kissing, etc...). This thread has helped me a lot. Thank you.


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## ChrissyQ

The "feeling" i get is the worst feeling ever! Similar to the scared to death feeling you'd get if you heard someone trying to break into your house! Just your hearts stops you can't breath you're frozen you can't speak you panic you want to run away!


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## Dryslyd

Gosh, that's a tough one! I've tried explaining it to people in the past and all I can explain is it's like all your senses are heightened to such an extent that you get a 'white noise' in your ears and as though all colours become stronger so it's almost blinding - you can't make out shapes to such an extent that you can't make out what's in front of you.
Obviously all the other 'sensations' and feelings that have been described above by others, but if I'm trying to make it short and not so sweet for people that's what I say.......of course this inevitably results in complete confusion on their part, but it's so difficult to explain!
Good luck


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## radames

The feeling for me is like I am being smothered all over my body, like someone is trying to get in and I am resisting so I feel tension. I feel vibrations in specific areas and I get angry and feel helpless and freeze up. I want to strike out but I know I will get in trouble if I do (like go to jail or something). So, I just have to stew over it, or get away as fast as possible while picturing all of the horrible things I could do for revenge to the person causing this anxiety.


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## zaitrancer

*The Feeling*

Social anxiety is insiduous and subtle, building in waves of tension and unpleasant sensations of stimulation that sit in the middle of the chest. There is the need to move, fidget, flee, escape. As waves of tension ebb, all it takes is a thought, a movement, to be touched and the wave rises without warning. The body begins to stiffen......stay away, leave me alone, don't touch me...can I leave this place?

As the feared event or situation nears, the waves of tension and fear rise higher and higher with less of a break until the anxiety rises into a gale force of unbroken misery. I pace...unable to think or focus, if asked a question I respond with a blank stare, unable to even remember my own name. The tension and unpleasant stimulation in my chest has built to a hurricane force; it's relentless and constant.....where is relief? Finally, in desperation, curled up fetal in a hot shower in a cocoon of anguish, I wish for death as an escape from this hell while I ride out the storm.


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## leonardess

Wow, active forum here. so many people! I haven't read all the replies, but I have been asked as well to describe the feelings I feel when at a purely social event. 

I've described it in the usual ways, the feeling of being an animal caught in the headlights, the sweating, the nausea, etc etc.

I've also described some things this way:

Watching other people have fun, let loose, dance, etc - it's like watching naked people. I'm embarrassed for myself and them. Pretty weird, I think, but that's how it feels.


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## Arbor

I've been able to describe the guilt I feel for making a mistake. The feeling is comparable to a situation like I committed some kind of violation, that word's the strongest I can use but it surpasses it. A kind so severe there isn't even a punishment for it, that it's so abhorrent that the witness to it is not able to respond. If he expected me to make up for it, it would not be possible because it was never allowed to happen, as though I were violating laws that were supernatural.

The fear of this humiliation, of making a mistake, is why I fear interaction. It probably comes from my lack of self-worth, because it's the most awful fear I can imagine, as though I was looking to make myself afraid - because if I tried my best to, it would probably match. I've concluded that my subconscious aims to cause havoc on my life out of self-hatred, but that's going off topic.

So I inflate the importance of my actions so much that it's completely unrealistic, but still I feel that way. I need to realize that I'm a human, anxiety has made me forget that we're all the same. I think I'm a king or something to believe everything I do has such importance. When I think of myself as a fallible man (naturally with a good as well as a dark side) like others, it becomes easier.

I think, for me, this explains the level of feeling for the anticipation of failure but not what happens _during_.


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## CopadoMexicano

I feel like Ive killed somebody. :um


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