# Is it easier to get a boyfriend/girlfriend than we think?



## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

So many people seem to find it so easy to meet boyfriends/girlfriends, everyone I know is in a relationship. 
After many rejections and never any interest shown in me (to be fair though I don't know many single women and I don't exactly show much interest in women either because I don't believe they will be interested in me) I seem to have developed beliefs that its so hard to get a girlfriend and you need to be really good looking and confident in order to have any success. 
Do other people have similar thoughts?
I have no idea how true it is. I mean I never get any attention, and there is a girl I like at work who I always try to smile at and make eye contact with (she works in a different office to me, I've only said thanks to her when she held a door open for me). But she clearly doesn't even know I exist, she never looks at me. It just confirms my beliefs that I am not someone that women find desirable or fancy.

Is it really so difficult to get a girlfriend/boyfriend? Am I and others because we are so hard on ourselves and fear certain negative judgements and believe people will judge us in a certain way believe we are not good enough, when in reality we are if only we were confident we would do just fine?

Any thoughts?


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

As soon as I lose the last 20lbs I'll let you know. :lol


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## tim78 (Nov 2, 2008)

It's hard for us, but how do you know noone has ever expressed interest in you. Believe it or not, I always thought like you did, but when I think back on there were probably a lot of women who showed interest in me, I just never realized it because I, like you, never really thought they could be interested in me in the first place. We are so hard on ourselves that we can't see whether a women is interested in us.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

Well for a girl it's certainly easier to get a boyfriend than they think.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

...and here we go again...:lol


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

Yeah shame on me for expressing my thoughts and opinions in response to the thread.


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## dullard (Aug 4, 2008)

Let's just not get into this again.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

I can only speak for myself, and my answer is no. My anxiety makes it so I'm never sure of myself and the extreme anxiety associated with being rejected my entire life by women without a single successful result makes it nearly impossible for me to do the whole "chase" phase like a normal person.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

I posted on another forum while I was going through some relationship problems, and it really opened my eyes as to how "normal people" think about relationships. Most people there were married or had been married, and dating just didn't seem to be a big deal for them. Sure, for them it could still be anxiety provoking and frightening, but they still moved on through the phases of meeting people and starting relationships and no one seemed to think it was a big deal. For these people, it's nice to have a date, but it's not a life-shattering event like it would be for me.

What no one told me is how it gets much, MUCH harder to meet anyone once you get out of high school.


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## Aeterna (Nov 24, 2008)

I think it's easier if you're a woman. Men are expected to chase you, so you don't really have to do anything... the men just approach you. I've done things like not call someone back and avoid them for days because I was just really shy about it... and they took it as me playing hard to get.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Jeeez I remember that feeling. I figured some miracle had to happen for me to get a boyfriend back in highschool/middle school. Having a boyfriend was something I fantasized for years and years and I thought it was simply unattainable for me. 

I eventually did start dating (in college) but that was with the aid of a little bit of alcohol (just enough to get me chatty) and a lotta luck! lol but I've been there!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I seem to be under the belief that women just arent attracted to tall dark handsome fit funny kind caring guys like me 
and I would have a girlfriend right now if I had a fat beer belly, a big cigar on on side of my mouth, a bottle of whiskey on the other side and a bandana on my head and I said stuff like "get me a beer, woman!"


beliefs suck


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

_AJ_ said:


> I seem to be under the belief that women just arent attracted to tall dark handsome fit funny kind caring guys like me
> and I would have a girlfriend right now if I had a fat beer belly, a big cigar on on side of my mouth, a bottle of whiskey on the other side and a bandana on my head and I said stuff like "get me a beer, woman!"
> 
> beliefs suck


Don't say that....you'd look like that picture number three in the photo thread you left :eek.

****Thread Lock Watch****
Conditions are favorable for a locked thread/infractions. Infractory activity has been spotted in the vicinity of this post.


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## ssmcivicsi (Jun 16, 2005)

I think getting a girlfriend is actually pretty easy. 

The hard part is maintaining the relationship beyond more than a couple months. IMO maintenance will be the single hardest thing for someone with SA. In the case of SA guys I find that we are pretty predictable, we show up on time, things are pre-planned and rarely will we step outside the norm. We don't have much else going on in our lives, with regards to friends or events so we tend to have a lot of free time to focus.

In my case, things start off normal but fall apart around month 3 or so. I feel this has a lot to do with not having friends or a social network. My last relationship ended for that very reason, point blank I was told that my lifestyle was dull and predictable. None of the other women were as vocal about this but when I started to reflect it all made sense and followed the same time frame/pattern for my previous relationships.

The relationship just ends up boring and single sided. If we go out its usually just me and her. Sometimes my friend and his wife might come along or a few of her friends. I personally don't mind it; but in my experience most women want a socially connected guy with events going on, or at least someone who will bring more than just himself every once in a while. 

For SA women this might not be as big of a deal because I don't think many guys care a whole lot about how many friends a girl has--so long as he still has "his space". I can speak from experience on this because I dated a girl who had no friends. I didn't care at all but it only became a problem for me when she wanted to spend every second of every day with me. Then it just got to be a chore.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ssmcivicsi said:


> I think getting a girlfriend is actually pretty easy.
> 
> The hard part is maintaining the relationship beyond more than a couple months. IMO maintenance will be the single hardest thing for someone with SA. In the case of SA guys I find that we are pretty predictable, we show up on time, things are pre-planned and rarely will we step outside the norm. We don't have much else going on in our lives, with regards to friends or events so we tend to have a lot of free time to focus.
> 
> ...


why is that??? I dont care how socially connected girls are. What the hell difference does it make?? are girls really like this?


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

ssmcivicsi said:


> I think getting a girlfriend is actually pretty easy.
> 
> The hard part is maintaining the relationship beyond more than a couple months. IMO maintenance will be the single hardest thing for someone with SA. In the case of SA guys I find that we are pretty predictable, we show up on time, things are pre-planned and rarely will we step outside the norm. We don't have much else going on in our lives, with regards to friends or events so we tend to have a lot of free time to focus.
> 
> ...


I totally disagree, I believe its the total opposite, but then again I have very little confidence in my looks but a lot of confidence in my personality - so the hardest part for me is having a woman interested in me, once they are I know things will be fantastic and exciting.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

It's easy to get a BF or GF immediately like it's easy to have sex.. anyone can do it willing they are about to settle for less. I don't necessarily care about love or romance at this point anymore, I've had to grow up quick for my own sanity recently from going through a bad break up and I realize there's a lot more important then getting married, having kids etc. Do things for yourself and help others. When the "right" (if there is such a thing.. you could perhaps make it work with almost anyone?) person comes along you will be wise and bettered and things will flow smoothly. Don't worry about such a silly thing. Everyone isn't actually dating. I AM not, and I'm loving it this way.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

kathy903 said:


> It's easy to get a BF or GF immediately like it's easy to have sex.. anyone can do it willing they are about to settle for less. I don't necessarily care about love or romance at this point anymore, I've had to grow up quick for my own sanity recently from going through a bad break up and I realize there's a lot more important then getting married, having kids etc. Do things for yourself and help others. When the "right" (if there is such a thing.. you could perhaps make it work with almost anyone?) person comes along you will be wise and bettered and things will flow smoothly. Don't worry about such a silly thing. Everyone isn't actually dating. I AM not, and I'm loving it this way.


Its not easy to get a GF/BF or have sex if you are not the best looking you know!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Want2Bconfident said:


> Its not easy to get a GF/BF or have sex if you are not the best looking you know!


Are you kidding? Literally anyone on this planet can find another person to have sex with. You can be 500 pounds and someone wants that. They can even find you repulsive for all you know and they still want you just for sex. Same thing in a relationship. You can have one but do you want a quality one with respect? If so don't settle. That's the message.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It's easy for the models and the outgoing/extroverted people. If you're introverted and average in looks, it's much, much harder.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

kathy903 said:


> It's easy to get a BF or GF immediately like it's easy to have sex..


Er, no. It's amazing how people can say things like that so casually, and seemingly not realize it isn't like that for everyone.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Zephyr said:


> Er, no. It's amazing how people can say things like that so casually, and seemingly not realize it isn't like that for everyone.


Don't even bother. You'll find that some people firmly hold this belief for no other reason than they are physically attractive and assume it has to work that way for everyone else.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Naw, I agree with her. There may be exceptions, but it is still easy -- just look around at all the morons with significant others. It's not that one's personality sucks or one is ugly, it's that one is too afraid of rejection or one is not willing to lower one's standards.

I mean, didn't we just have a thread about how some guy needed the help of a ramp to have sex because he was extremely overweight?


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

If you truly believe it is easy I wonder what you're really doing on this forum and if you know what social anxiety actually is :| No one believes that without being really attractive or socially adjusted period


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

saillias said:


> If you truly believe it is easy I wonder what you're really doing on this forum and if you know what social anxiety actually is :| No one believes that without being really attractive or socially adjusted period


I wonder if you understood my post. I'm not really attractive and I'm not "socially adjusted." And, yes, I do think it's easy. It's just too bad my standards are high and I'm too much of a coward and weak-willed to go for what my standards would lead me. It's only hard in that respect. It would be easy, however, if I got drunk and ****ed whatever degenerate came my way.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

kathy903 said:


> Are you kidding? Literally anyone on this planet can find another person to have sex with. You can be 500 pounds and someone wants that. They can even find you repulsive for all you know and they still want you just for sex. Same thing in a relationship. You can have one but do you want a quality one with respect? If so don't settle. That's the message.


You honestly know 500 lb people with an active sex life? Are YOU kidding? I'm pretty much the most desperate female you will ever find and there's not a person on this earth who would touch me. Or am I just not included in the "literally anyone"?. Yes, our culture is obssessed with sex, but not just sex with anyone.

Unattractive + quiet = nada

And don't listen to cerberus, he's quite attractive.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Cerebrus this topic isn't even about sex. This 'well if I went over to the trailer park I could screw a drunk woman' argument is completely irrelevant. I dunno maybe you could do that, I have no idea.

This thing about standards brought up by you and kathy isn't making sense. It's not like I'm going to make a mental decision that "Hey my standards are 'high', I am now manually liking women that I didn't like before" It's just a matter of personal preference. It's irrelevant anyway because in a nutshell: social anxiety. It's there, it makes it difficult to talk to people, to get to a level of friendship with someone, to do things like build rapport and show your personality, to play the 'dating game' and all that goes with it. 

If you can judge people to be below you on your imaginary standards scale and therefore your social anxiety does not affect you in your interactions iwth those people well good for you I guess.


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

ssmcivicsi said:


> I think getting a girlfriend is actually pretty easy.
> 
> The hard part is maintaining the relationship beyond more than a couple months. IMO maintenance will be the single hardest thing for someone with SA. In the case of SA guys I find that we are pretty predictable, we show up on time, things are pre-planned and rarely will we step outside the norm. We don't have much else going on in our lives, with regards to friends or events so we tend to have a lot of free time to focus.
> 
> ...


I agree with most of what you said. Getting a girl/boyfrind is the easy part. Maintaining a relationship is the hardest part for someone with SA (I actually wanted to start a thread about maintaining a relationship because I haven't seen one).

I don't think it takes that much to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Of course, you have to be able to go up to someone and talk to them (that's seems to be the biggest problem for someone with SA), But aside from that I don't think it takes that much. I have never been able to go up to girls and ask them out but I had a few that asked me out (their standards were probably very low be then). We dated for a while but then it all ends quick like you said. The one I'm in right now is doing pretty good but before that they all ended very fast (most after 2 weeks). Like you, because of my SA I had no life so I was very predictable and dull and I have no personality or sense of humor. And looks don't matter to a girl (I've seen some really ugly guys with REALLY hot girls), for the most part.

I also agree with you when you said most girls (not all, but most) expect a guy to have some kind of social life and guys don't really care about the girl not having a social life as long as she gives the guy his space.

I don't think it's easier for a girl to find a boyfriend than a guy finding a girlfriend. I think a girl has to to deal with more bull**** from society when it comes to dating and a lot of other problems that a guy doesn't really need to worry about when it comes to dating.


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## MeltDowN (Oct 21, 2008)

LostInReverie said:


> You honestly know 500 lb people with an active sex life?


I haven't seen any personally, but I have seen shows where some morbidly obese people have relationships. Whether they have sex or not is unknown since these were family programs.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

saillias said:


> Cerebrus this topic isn't even about sex. This 'well if I went over to the trailer park I could screw a drunk woman' argument is completely irrelevant. I dunno maybe you could do that, I have no idea.
> 
> This thing about standards brought up by you and kathy isn't making sense. It's not like I'm going to make a mental decision that "Hey my standards are 'high', I am now manually liking women that I didn't like before" It's just a matter of personal preference. It's irrelevant anyway because in a nutshell: social anxiety. It's there, it makes it difficult to talk to people, to get to a level of friendship with someone, to do things like build rapport and show your personality, to play the 'dating game' and all that goes with it.
> 
> If you can judge people to be below you on your imaginary standards scale and therefore your social anxiety does not affect you in your interactions iwth those people well good for you I guess.


eh? I'm talking about both. I just used sex as an example. You make it sound as if personal preferences are narrowly set in stone. People settle for less all the time. Perhaps you've missed the part about social anxiety where people fear people who they view to be better or authoritative or special in some way? This is a pretty big part of social anxiety and something I've had to struggle with. Perhaps you don't have that problem? I guess your social anxiety is more enlightened than mine in the sense that it's apparently more of an equal opportunist. 

Based on my observations, I'm sticking with what was said earlier: There may be exceptions, but it is still easy.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

MeltDowN said:


> I haven't seen any personally, but I have seen shows where some morbidly obese people have relationships. Whether they have sex or not is unknown since these were family programs.


Okay, but one still can't base a generalization on one or two people. You cannot say that the thousands of morbidly obese people on this earth must have a chance because two or three people have managed it. And if anyone says "it's their choice" to be that way, I swear I'll bite them.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

I don't know what to make of this thread. I think its hard to get a girlfriend, but I know that for good looking people its really very easy. One of my good friends is really good looking and women literally throw themselves at him, offer it on a plate for him if he wants to be with them. He doesn't have to make any effort, his looks do that. However, for myself and I know a couple of other friends of mine who are single, we are all just very average looking and none of us ever seem to get any attention from women, even though we are really nice, fun, easy going people. 

But... I do know for myself and my two friends who aren't great looking that none of us are very confident around women and we don't exactly meet a lot of single women. 

It sounds to me that those who say its easy to get a boyfriend/girlfriend but the hard part is keeping things going, it sounds like you have confidence in your looks and that people will be attracted physically to you, but then you don't have a lot of confidence in your personality . But for myself and I know others here, some people have a lot of confidence in their personality (I have huge confidence in my personality) and believe if I meet someone then things would go great, but I and others don't have any confidence in our looks, believing that people would be interested in dating us.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

And if you don't have confidence in either, you're screwed. Or not so much.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

ANCIENT said:


> I agree with most of what you said. Getting a girl/boyfrind is the easy part. Maintaining a relationship is the hardest part for someone with SA (I actually wanted to start a thread about maintaining a relationship because I haven't seen one).
> 
> I don't think it takes that much to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Of course, you have to be able to go up to someone and talk to them (that's seems to be the biggest problem for someone with SA), But aside from that I don't think it takes that much. I have never been able to go up to girls and ask them out but I had a few that asked me out (their standards were probably very low be then).


Oh fer crying out loud. Here's another one. What do some of you not get? This thing of taking personal experience and generalizing to everyone is exactly what I and several others here are taking issue with.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I have no confidence in my looks and personality. Like as if it's easy to get a boyfriend. 

I had my fair share of great guys going after me and it really really hurts to see that we did not end up with each other. I mean, what's the point? Why the crush? It makes me seem that I am so hella unapproachable and there are random people that actually make me seem so unattractive. They make it seem like as though I don't have any needs and don't need anyone. I should just live alone for all they care. Double hurt.

So don't give me the bull**** that it's easier to find that significant someone than we actually think. It is not. It is hard hard hard.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

Zephyr said:


> Oh fer crying out loud. Here's another one. What do some of you not get? This thing of taking personal experience and generalizing to everyone is exactly what I and several others here are taking issue with.


Well said, I agree. The fact Ancient says the hardest part for someone with SA is to maintain a relationship shows he/she doesn't even consider that some people here suffer very different to his/her self. I have huge confidence in my personality, I know 100% that I get on brilliantly with anyone I meet, making friends and getting on great with people is not a problem for me, but my SA is down to fearing negative judgements on how I look, fearing being judged as ugly, that women couldn't like me because I don't look good enough - all based on past experience of put downs, ridicule and rejection.

I wish some people here were more understanding and respected other people's situations and circumstances. I agree if you are good looking then it is easy to get a girlfriend/boyfriend because people are attracted to you physically, and the hardest part then is to keep it going if you feel your 'social skills' are not good. But not everyone is good looking here. How is it easy for someone who no one from the opposite sex finds physically attractive? How is it easy for me to get a girlfriend when no women ever show interest in me and every time I have asked a woman out she has said no? I get on brilliantly with women, so friendly, good fun, easy going, kind, etc, but every time I like a woman they seem to always fancy one my good looking mates. 
Come on, don't generalise that its easy for everyone just because maybe you are good looking and the opposite sex find you desirable looking.


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## MeltDowN (Oct 21, 2008)

I'm just saying that it's not an impossible thing to accomplish.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

My looks aren't bad but my personality is ZZZZ. If looks were allegedly all i needed then i'm still waiting for the rewards.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

If it were easier, I think there would be fewer lonely people around. There are plenty of good-looking, interesting people on this forum who don't have boyfriends or girlfriends and would probably like to have boyfriends or girlfriends. Unfortunately, that's a hard thing to do if you're crippled by anxiety and self-doubt.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

concurred


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## shyguy246 (Apr 27, 2006)

I think we can agree that it isn't as easy as some people make it seem, but it also isn't as hard. It mostly depends on what you're looking for. If you want the girl of your dreams, or a girl you are really attracted to, for someone with SA, that's going to be difficult, if not impossible. But if you're desperate enough to take anyone, and that person is also desperate, then that would be as close to easy as possible.


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## Conquistador (Sep 28, 2006)

Yeah but, you know, doing things outta desperation, eh, not too much ultimate happiness in that.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

Yes if you are desperate and wanted just anyone then I guess it probably isn't that difficult, but I don't want just anyone, I want someone I really like as a person, someone who I think is fantastic. I want someone who is average looking but a really nice natured, fun, interesting person who would like to do loads of cool things and is great to chat to. I suppose that is how I see myself - average looking at best but really good personality. 

There is a girl (woman) at work who I really like, I don't know her to speak to as she works in a different office, but I walk past her almost every day and I know from a friend that she is single. She seems really nice natured and there is something about her that I really like. She is just an average looking person, one of my friends thinks she is not good looking at all, but we all like different things. But even though I always try and make eye contact and smile at her if I see her, she never looks back at me. One problem may be that she is quite confident and is quite a lot higher up the scales than me, I am quite low down the scales, I just have never wanted more responsibility because of my lack of confidence and money is not an issue for me, I have plenty as it is.

To those who say its easy to get a girlfriend, I wonder if they would say it would be easy for me to date her?


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

It's mission impossible, actually.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I've been using online dating sites (works great) and I have had some success at the college as well. Just getting a girlfriend isn't that bad, but finding one that you really dig and at the college level most of the girls at my college go through like 10 guys in a semester. It is probably only 2 or 3, but still...a lot of girls that I was really into ended up being married or having a steady b/f. Its cool though, I'm patient. 

I think most of you could do it, you do have to make the first approach or just a bit of small talk and show mannerisms (I show a lot of expressions, maybe too much) or bit of humor. It is tough initially though, to break those barriers and comfort zones.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It's easy for the confident guys with high self esteem and don't have anxiety around people.


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## mypasswordneverworks (Dec 12, 2008)

i don't think it has so much to do with looks as it does with social phobia. no matter how ugly you are there are always other ugly people that want to date too. 

I think the issue is most people meet significant others via friends and large groups which SA sufferers avoid. It isn't as easy as just meeting a stranger on the street and fall in love...that's weird. It's more normal to hang out with friends first and then start the "asking out" process. IMO.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

The answer is Yes, if you don't have SA.

SA, of course, is the difference between easy and difficult.

Most people never spend a moment thinking about how to make friends—they just innately do it. This simple task can feel nearly impossible for those with SA, and causes a lot of over-analyzation and distress.

Dating is no different. SA makes all the difference.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

mypasswordneverworks said:


> i don't think it has so much to do with looks as it does with social phobia. no matter how ugly you are there are always other ugly people that want to date too.
> 
> I think the issue is most people meet significant others via friends and large groups which SA sufferers avoid. It isn't as easy as just meeting a stranger on the street and fall in love...that's weird. It's more normal to hang out with friends first and then start the "asking out" process. IMO.


I agree. Some of the most attractive people in this world have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, simply because of anxiety or shyness. It's not easy to fight social phobia, especially when dating is such a social practice.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

dax said:


> It's mission impossible, actually.


Ya, pretty much.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

it's not easy...not easy to KEEP one anyway!


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

You could always buy one on the internet. Heheh I'm just kidding. People do actually do that though. How strange.


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

Its not easy. It takes an extraordinary amount of skill, diligence, will, strength and commitment. And even if you have all those things it still may not work out for you.


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

In principle it's incredibly easy. All you have to do ir ask someone out who you're attracted to; If they say yes GREAT! If they say no, move on. In reality however...


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

mypasswordneverworks said:


> I think the issue is most people meet significant others via friends and large groups which SA sufferers avoid.


Yeah, having friends is like the foundation to meeting even more new people. Presumably if you have a group of buddies, you guys go out to bars and whatnot and meet new people that way. But if you don't have that core group of friends, then you most likely won't be going out to many bars or parties. And that pretty much means the chances of finding anyone are greatly reduced.

I mean if you're not doing that, then what other options are there? The cold approach on the street seems like a very unlikely option for a SA'er.

And in the rare event the cold approach does work, most people probably won't want to date you for very long when they discover that you have little to no friends and you barely ever leave the house.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Bars and parties? I honestly don't think they're the best place to pick up girls anymore. Although I'll give it a shot, especially if I'm loosened up with a few beers. I've had some luck at the book store or coffee shop. The gym can work, but only when knowing the girl is truly interested and you're not disturbing her workout. Yeah, I don't like trying it at the gym.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I don't understand how it can be easy. You can't ask out just anybody you meet, can you? Don't they have to show some interest in you before you make the move?

I never see people showing interest in me so I almost never ask people out. Should I be asking out more people?


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## oopsie (Jan 1, 2009)

For me it's always been easy to get a boyfriend.. But keeping them is another story.

When I first meet people, I do a good job of hiding my anxiety problems, but eventually I have a panic attack or just get very anxious around them and scare them away. :[

I think for a relationship for to work for me, the other person would have to have anxiety problems too.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I think it is easier than we think it is. It's our perspective on the world that is so messed up.


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## Tis' I (Dec 30, 2008)

I've always had problems reading interest, it has to be pretty overt for captain obvious here to pick up on it.
Can I also say, until reading the general flow of ideas in this thread I didn't realize there was a whole group of people who have problems maintaining a relationship for so many of the same reasons I do.
Humbling and kinda comforting 
Feel a bit less freakish.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

It's incredibly easy. The only thing limiting you is your mind.

Believe it or not, everything in this world is incredibly easy (as long as it doesn't defy time or physics). The path you take however, is what is uncertain.


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## Draztek (Jul 5, 2008)

DaveM said:


> It's incredibly easy. The only thing limiting you is your mind.
> 
> Believe it or not, everything in this world is incredibly easy (as long as it doesn't defy time or physics). The path you take however, is what is uncertain.


Ya, I wish I could trade minds with Tucker Max for just one day...


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## wheretogo (Dec 27, 2008)

this thread makes me bitter and angry on the inside. I was born a certain way and very timid and passive in nature. I watch all the other extroverted guys take all the good girls right in front of me. And it is nearly impossible to change now


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

Finding a quality significant other is hard.


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## SloopjohnB (Jan 1, 2009)

finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is not that tough, but as said above finding him/her that you will marry and have kids with is a lot harder. It is like another job to keep the relationship going.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

wheretogo said:


> this thread makes me bitter and angry on the inside. I was born a certain way and very timid and passive in nature. I watch all the other extroverted guys take all the good girls right in front of me. And it is nearly impossible to change now


*ya think *


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

wheretogo said:


> this thread makes me bitter and angry on the inside. I was born a certain way and very timid and passive in nature. I watch all the other extroverted guys take all the good girls right in front of me. And it is nearly impossible to change now


No it isn't. It starts with coming with terms with who you are. You aren't this perfect guy. You got flaws that perhaps isn't cool to some people. You aren't this loud-mouth guy, you are you. When you know yourself, your limitations and you learn work at them, yet accept them, things start to happen. The only thing that holding you back is you. Let go of that anger, they are a lot of girls in this world.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Going back to the original post, I think it depends on what you do and think that makes getting a girlfriend/boyfriend easy. For example, a lot of women complain that they aren't desirable because no guy ever approaches them, etc. However, if they did something ELSE than be the one who waits for something to happen things may of been completely different for them. If, instead, they became the pursuer they may be suprised that more men are responsive towards them than what they originally thought just sitting there. Why do women submit themselves as the passive participant? Some say it's unnatural for women to pursue but I would disagree. Some women say guys don't like to be pursued, in which I also disagree. On the other hand, a lot of guys don't approach enough because women don't send any signals. Case in point for both sexes: don't assume because you don't know until it is proven to you. Therefore, attempt and ONLY then will you know for sure. There is no right or wrong way to find someone - this goes for both the sexes. This is my idea anyways...

I think dating is as easy as you make it out to be. There are certain things EVERYONE must do to get a boyfriend/girlfriend and so it is literally no harder for any one person to achieve. Make it simple, learn how to take as much pressure off yourself as possible, and attempt or it will never happen. Also, when it comes to dating rejection seems to happen A LOT so keep that in mind. Just because oyu are rejected it doesn't mean your not desirable or something is wrong with you... blah blah blah


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

I think its what Brightpaperwarewolf mentioned. Its about coming to terms with who you are and just accepting it already. Its not something thats done over night, this takes people years, some more than others, and some less, depends on what you do/how you interact with the world. Its about starting to realize that you're tired of trying to be someone else, and you finally accept who you are, and even be open with your flaws. Just succumb to it. Stop trying to hold that weight up, just let it collapse. I tell people my faults, what I suck at, what I failed at, I just dont care what they think anymore at my current age (22), but 4 years ago at 18? Oh, completely different, i'd hold it all in, not wanting to let people know any of those things.


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## irvanm87 (May 7, 2009)

FairleighCalm said:


> As soon as I lose the last 20lbs I'll let you know. :lol


for me...as soon as i GAIN 20 lbs..i will let u know..lol


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It's infinitely more difficult because the majority of us don't take the critical step of conversing one on one. For those of us who do go out to social events with friends etc, it's quite often a group thing, everyone together and no real confidence to pick someone out and have a chat. This was always my issue at least, lots of mates with lots of single female friends but for me they were just mates you have a laugh with when everyone is together etc.

Few months ago a girl started work with me and due to the type of work we do we had to communicate with eachother etc and that one on one time eventually led to organising to see a movie etc etc. And it wasn't as if I had to force the hard questions or anything, because over the few weeks we worked together you just hit those conversations about certain things and it just kind of automatically leads to the scenario of spending some time together away from the workplace.

unfortunately the anxiety reared its dirty head just as it was becoming serious and it kinda all ended there which is unfortunate but it was certainly good to know it could be done for me. 

But yeah it took the ability to communicate with someone one on one over a period of time, I certainly don't have the confidence to make a move on a night out and I need my personality to do the talking since my looks don't grab their attention straight away, so it's hard.

But anyway, it's certainly more difficult not being outgoing but it can be done.


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