# I'm not appreciated



## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Around a month ago in work, I found something out that really upset me. It was basically another stab in the back - to add to the hundreds I've already had in the six years I've been with the company.

There was one week in the office where we were three people short. One person was off on holiday and two were off sick, due to a bug that was going around. This is essentially half the workforce in the office. Naturally, this put a lot of pressure on those who were in - myself included. We all worked hard.

Anyway, the end of the week came. I overheard one of the people in receive a clear "_thank you, you've worked hard this week_" from one of the directors. Myself and the other person were more or less ignored. At least I wasn't alone on this&#8230;or so I thought.

Fast forward to Monday morning and the person who was off on holiday, the office manager, was back in. What I overheard basically knocked me backwards&#8230; The other person who I thought was ignored confessed, very quietly to the office manager, that she'd received a text message of thanks from the same director and received a £100 bonus in her wages&#8230;

What did I receive&#8230;? Yes&#8230; You've guessed it&#8230; Absolutely nothing :blank. Clearly, working an hour extra (unpaid) every day that they didn't wasn't good enough. Clearly, taking on an equal share of the doubled-up workload wasn't good enough either. Nor was taking more than my fare share of phone calls, which isn't even part of my job description. Nor is helping out downstairs in the warehouse amongst everything else - which the other two didn't do either&#8230;

So again, I ask, is it any wonder why I suffer from both Social Anxiety and Depression? How is this scenario my fault (as regular people/doctors would immediately claim)? How is this supposed to help me build confidence, self-esteem and positivity, exactly?


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## Irsen (Feb 1, 2009)

Hugs


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## bloodymary (Apr 26, 2009)

I don´t think it´s your fault, it´s that they´re *******s. If I was in your place I would just tell them, that your colleagues received bonus and you didn´t while you both worked equally much. Assert your rights all the time, if they don´t comply, then quit. If you keep letting them screwing you over, they will see that they can afford to take advantage of you.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

Hayman said:


> How is this supposed to help me build confidence, self-esteem and positivity, exactly?


What you described does sound unfair. As bloodymary said, you should have seized the opportunity to assert yourself and ask for a bonus. That could have been an exercise in gaining confidence. It's probably too late now. You decided not to do anything so there's no use brooding over it now. Which I am not saying to disvalue your reaction to what happened, but you should really let it go. Maybe look for another job, if the back stabbing has been going on since so many years. I temp which is a bit relieving in terms of SA, knowing I'll only be in a workplace for a couple of months, and then after things are getting increasingly uncomfortable with time (due to my awkwardness) I won't have to see the people again anyway. Their opinion of me doesn't matter in the same way as when I'd have to face them daily for years. At least that's my interpretation of things.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Hi @bloodymary. If I had more confidence, I would openly confront this but sadly, I'm not someone who likes to cause a fuss. This is part of my problem, really.

On the upside, I did confront the office manager over comments I know people have said about me when my back has been turned. I was surprised I had the guts to do this&#8230; Since then, the negative remarks about me have reduced quite notably - although they still continue to this very day.

I did come close, twice, to resigning last year over nonsense that's said about me. However, the trouble with my SA is that I'd panic in getting another job, then getting to know another bunch of people who within months would only do the same thing to me&#8230; It happened in my last job also. This is why I'd rather keep mute than put in a lot of effort to mix with people. Then there's no guarantee of even finding work. Without earning an income, I'd lose my car and would make things incredibly difficult (financially) at home. There's an awful lot of risks to quitting work&#8230;

Hi @MissMadonna. Yeah, it's too late to do anything about it now. I just react in my own little way where I don't really come in early any more and I never stay behind. They've lost most of that extra hour or so I used to do. To be honest, I have since forgotten about this until the topic come up again! Things like this happen so often that it's really just another to add to 'the list'!

Hi @DyingHearts. Thanks - I do appreciate it!


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## bloodymary (Apr 26, 2009)

Hayman said:


> Hi @*bloodymary* . If I had more confidence, I would openly confront this but sadly, I'm not someone who likes to cause a fuss. This is part of my problem, really.
> 
> On the upside, I did confront the office manager over comments I know people have said about me when my back has been turned. I was surprised I had the guts to do this&#8230; Since then, the negative remarks about me have reduced quite notably - although they still continue to this very day.
> 
> ...


I totally understand what you mean, it´s the same crap everywhere. If I was you maybe I´d take up small jobs in private houses as a handyman or so.. if someone isn´t good, you can change them but if you have more clients, you never stay out of work completely. I did cleanings like this and it was the only thing that worked out for me long term.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

get your cv patched up and leave that place. If you land another gig, you can ask for a pay rise that you deserve. If they don't comply, quit.


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## twistix (Sep 8, 2013)

:squeeze


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## Midgar7 (Jan 14, 2017)

If you're not outspoken about these sort of things, they'll just keep doing it. They know you won't kick up a fuss whether you know about it or not.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Uh, this sucks. Maybe if you're generally a hard worker and often stay late they've started taking you for granted? :blank

I'm in a similar position too; this week I've found out that two people who have been at the company less than I have and who have less education than I have have been promoted. So basically I'll have less qualified people telling me what to do. I know that they're no better than me because they keep making mistakes than I wouldn't make. I have no idea how this came about, as the boss certainly didn't ask us out load if anybody would be interested in this upper position. Management and office politics work in mysterious ways! I've been looking for a new job for months now and hope that something will materialize soon...


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

It sounds like it's time for you to leave that job Hayman.


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## Hussle (Mar 5, 2014)

Look at your options here. 

1.You can still bring it up and ask them why you didn't receive a bonus when you know and can prove you worked just as hard if not more. Let them know this has been on your mind even though you didn't bring it up right away. See what their response is and reason. 

If you can clearly prove you've done as much work and have been with the company for sometime now, you clearly also deserve a bonus. You have to speak and let your employers know. You could be assuming things or it could be miscommunication. The only way to know is to bring it up. If they clearly tell you they just didn't want to pay you after you've brought out your reasoning, leave I repeat leave the company. 

2. Don't bring it up and be prepared to not get paid a bonus again. 

3. Don't bring it up and the next time they ask for overtime, let them know you weren't given a bonus like everybody else for putting in said time. 

You have to be prepared to leave this job if you feel your not getting paid for the work you've done. That is what a job is. You do work for the job and get paid for the work you do.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Did you stand on the desk and let it be known , no 
Did you mention it to anyone how your awsum and saved the duisness from ruin , no 
Did you get noticed , no 

I bet the other two did all of the above . That's just the way it works 
The louder the voice the digger the pay out .


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## PineconeMachine (Jan 17, 2012)

You should find a new job, Hayman.


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## Astynk (Oct 8, 2016)

PineconeMachine said:


> You should find a new job, Hayman.


It will be either as bad or worse. I know that from experience.


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