# Being called a racist by coworker



## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

*False accusations by coworker*

I started work in this lab a few months ago. At the time I had decided to quit smoking so I would get angry easily. As a result, some of the coworkers I have to coordinate with when running samples annoyed me when they misinformed me (it still feels intentional sometimes) or took samples without letting me know. Now everybody acts cold to me because I acted upset weeks ago. I also think a few of the coworkers are disappointed because I replaced a friend of theirs who left the job. Anyways, one day I am talking to one of the two owners of the business (they're a married couple that's been around for a while) and out of nowhere she indirectly gives me an anecdote about togetherness and how the Pennsylvania Dutch had to learn to accept others. Now, I'm used to working in a restaurant where it's okay to be blunt and crass so on the one hand I'm grateful to be in a more sensitive environment. But, seriously, every once in awhile I hear some utterly insane things from management at this lab. And, quite frankly, I don't know what to be more shocked about: being called racist for the first time in my life (literally all I did was tell this kid he said silver funny once as a comeback because he was putting me down); or being indirectly told I am replaceable using a ridiculous anecdote that was so random and pointless that it was clearly directed at me.

I already feel like an outcast and, between quitting smoking and trying to shake off a two year rut where I did nothing with my life, I really don't think I have the social skills to even begin to handle this situation. And I also don't like questioning my job stability all the time because I work with a bunch of children who gossip and a management team that relies on inflexible and unrealistic protocol because they refrain from actually judging a situation.


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## Fixfounded1994 (Feb 19, 2012)

Hi dere.

I'm not a smoker or anything but, I understand that it's pretty hard right now, going through those "withdrawal" symptoms and everything. Congrats on laying off on smoking btw. And like you said, you replaced a friend of your co-workers so there's obviously some tension and resentment that will be aimed towards you. Don't feel so bad about being called racist. Afterall, you're not one, right? As long as you know who YOU are, there shouldn't be anything that they say that should affect you. People are called things that they're truly not (****,gay,pedophile,etc) and are misjudged quite often. Some people are just morons like that. First off, you should be proud of yourself getting a job. You're one step closer to improving your life. If anything, try to be nicer to your co-workers (and customers) even if they have done you wrong. Be the bigger person. If you can be, try to put yourself in situations where you can be social, yes, including outside the workplace so you can have other people to rely on and help you through any stressors. If your workplace continues to feel toxic to you, try to put up with it til you can find another job (got to make an income, right?) and find some place better that will treat you with more respect.

Your co-workers are awfully childish if they're doing those sort of things.

Gll


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

asittingducky said:


> I started work in this lab a few months ago. At the time I had decided to quit smoking so I would get angry easily. As a result, some of the coworkers I have to coordinate with when running samples annoyed me when they misinformed me or took samples without letting me know. Now everybody acts cold to me because I acted upset weeks ago. I also think a few of the coworkers are disappointed because I replaced a friend of theirs who left the job. Anyways, one day I am talking to one of the two owners of the business (they're a married couple that's been around for a while) and out of nowhere she indirectly gives me an anecdote about togetherness and how the Pennsylvania Dutch (like her husband) had to learn to accept others. Now, I'm used to working in a restaurant where it's okay to be blunt and crass so on the one hand I'm grateful to be in a better environment. But, seriously, every once in awhile I hear some utterly insane things from management at this lab. And quite frankly I don't know what to be more shocked about: being called racist for the first time in my life (literally all I did was tell this kid he said silver funny once because he was putting me down); or being indirectly told I am replaceable using a ridiculous anecdote that was so random and pointless that it was clearly directed at me.
> 
> I already feel like an outcast and, between quitting smoking and having spent the last two years doing nothing to improve my life, I really don't think I have the social skills to even begin to handle this situation.


Wow:um i can't imagine..maybe also cus..i am currently unemployed..you sound like your going through a lot..don't want to advocate snitching..but have you maybe thought of talking to a manager about your concerns (if that's allowed?)..if none of that, then the only advice i could give is to ignore them back:roll or verbally attack them in defense, if they bother you, but it looks like you getting upset with them as you wrote doesn't help..I know if it were me i would probably physically be shaken & feel pains in my stomach..that's just how scary SA is..well..at least your here & you vented your frustration, & as far as the kid who called u racist..if he is really a kid just forget him, i'll assume he's black..& in the black community some people can be super ghetto..& say weird crap..if it's too much & you need someone to talk with..you can PM or Message me:yes i can't say i've been through what you've been through..but sometimes just talking to someone helps..or.. you could always go into a closed off space & scream:lol i've actually heard those type of techniques help release stress & some anger..i dunno..just thought a friendly response might help..i hope things go better for you :rub


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## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

Yea the withdrawal really never goes away unfortunately :/ Tobacco is one of the most addictive substances, after all. 
And really the best relief is just to be able to tell somebody: I am not a racist! This all happened when another coworker purposefully told me that the person in question was Chinese and I was busy at the time so I just carried on the conversation without really paying attention. The person never even let me know that it upset him that I didn't know he was Vietnamese. I have known many people of Vietnamese heritage throughout high school and college, both as colleagues, friends, and even flirted with. At the same time, when people call me Russian or ask me if I know somebody with a funny sounding name I joke about it but I never actually get mad and go complain to freaking HR about it. It really doesn't bother me except when I hear others play the race card while I say nothing.
And I don't know, I just feel like the fact that I don't care what anybody thinks is what got me outcasted in the first place.
Oh yea, and every conversation I have with management is so indirect and unpredictable that I don't know what to expect anymore. They use sarcasm and question everything I do so the message is pretty clear: it's better not to bother them about a problem if it can be helped. I just don't like the fact that this kid can get me fired if he feels like it just because he's the only Asian-American in the lab. I thought the idea was NOT to treat any functional human being special or differently based on race.


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

asittingducky said:


> Yea the withdrawal really never goes away unfortunately :/ Tobacco is one of the most addictive substances, after all.
> And really the best relief is just to be able to tell somebody: I am not a racist! This all happened when another coworker purposefully told me that the person in question was Chinese and I was busy at the time so I just carried on the conversation without really paying attention. The person never even let me know that it upset him that I didn't know he was Vietnamese. I have known many people of Vietnamese heritage throughout high school and college, both as colleagues, friends, and even flirted with. At the same time, when people call me Russian or ask me if I know somebody with a funny sounding name I joke about it but I never actually get mad and go complain to freaking HR about it. It really doesn't bother me except when I hear others play the race card while I say nothing.
> And I don't know, I just feel like the fact that I don't care what anybody thinks is what got me outcasted in the first place.
> Oh yea, and every conversation I have with management is so indirect and unpredictable that I don't know what to expect anymore. They use sarcasm and question everything I do so the message is pretty clear: it's better not to bother them about a problem if it can be helped. I just don't like the fact that this kid can get me fired if he feels like it just because he's the only Asian-American in the lab. I thought the idea was NOT to treat any functional human being special or differently based on race.


Whoops, then my bad on the black comment..even though what i wrote is somewhat true.. even though i'am black myself..not saying jobs are given out like candy..cus their not..but have you thought of maybe going elsewhere? cus these people sound like dicks..not a good mixture for someone struggling with SA/Low self-esteem, it's one thing if 1 or 2 people don't like you..but the fact that a lot of your co-workers do is alarming you seem to be a good person overall..& you've said you've recently quit smoking..which i'm sure must be quite an adjustment..but you said not caring what people think is what got you were you were with your co-workers..is this a not caring about negative comments? or is this a "I don't care about hurting people's feelings?" just to clarify..i mean if people deserve to be dissed..they deserve it..but if you have an aggressive nature..that might be something to watch out for..as maybe people might view that in a negative light.


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

He didn't tell you he was Vietnamese, and the other coworker was the one who misinformed you so it wasn't your fault. How about the other coworker? Did he get away with it? Drag him into it if you can.


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## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

Well the last thing I want is to have a meeting about it. Unfortunately the fact remains that one of the owners now thinks I'm a racist and I got called replaceable.


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## UltraMagnus (Jan 25, 2014)

The bar for what people call "racist" has been lowered so much I just respond "so what?" to such accusations... It confuses the hell out of people expecting some sort of defense.


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## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

Lol I don't think that would go over too well in a work environment in the middle of Florida...let alone anywhere else in the U.S.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Apologize to the man and tell him that wasn't your intention at all. Apologize, all-around, even though you weren't being racist. I wouldn't tell them it's withdrawal symptoms, but vaguely say you're going through something right now that has made you a bit emotional and you apologize for being snippy. People can say stupid things, it shows good face to apologize and if they still gossip and are snarky about it, then I guess you'll have to put up with it and try and find something better when you get the chance.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Have you still quit smoking ? 

If so go around to every one individually ( pick the right moment ) 
And 
Say sorry if I've been a jerk lately I've quit smoking and it made me a real jerk but I didn't know it till one of my friends pointed it out and made me think about you guys and I'm sorry . 
Even if it's not the full truth and you don't actually mean it they usually will say ok and give you a second chance , management also will love the honesty and that you admitted something and be quite forgiving . You'll be surprised what an admission will do ( even if it's not totally truth but sometimes you have to do things like this ) 
Then act like all is good and in a little while it should be 
Hope this helps


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

How is what you said, racist?

I wouldn't call that racist. It's obvious that they are throwing excuses at you because they dislike you. Maybe find a different job?


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## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

Grog said:


> Have you still quit smoking ?
> 
> If so go around to every one individually ( pick the right moment )
> And
> Say sorry if I've been a jerk lately I've quit smoking and it made me a real jerk but I didn't know it till one of my friends pointed it out and made me think about you guys and I'm sorry . [...]


Lol still working on that one...and still apologizing for myself >_<
@DeeperUnderstanding, I have found a different job and they still haven't kicked me out so I guess they're more tolerant.


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