# Are girls too picky?



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

My ex left me a few months ago, and I since tried to meet new girls online. Thing is, most of them (and I mean, around 80% of them) do not answer. Out of the 20% left, about 10-15% don't want to hook up. 

The few interested (under five) were not very attractive or quite overweight.

What's wrong? I am not so picky myself, my ex was a bit chubby, but it didn't really bother me. I am not ugly. I've been told I have beautiful eyes many times and my ex thought I was very handsome.

What's up with girls. Do they all think they can hang out with a tall, muscular, handsome, rich man?


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## Jade18 (Mar 6, 2011)

guys can be picky too..
do you think you can only hang around with perfect super models?
anyway maybe you are just forcing it too much
forcing these kind of things is not gonna work.


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## Mr Blues (Apr 1, 2011)

I frequently get a girl I am interested in responding to my messages, but I mostly don't get more than a couple of messages before I suddenly stop hearing from them (even if they seemed interested). It's unpredictable and frustrating. I'm about to give up.

There's so much choice for women on dating sites you see, and that's not quite so for men. That's the issue.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Jade18 said:


> guys can be picky too..
> do you think you can only hang around with perfect super models?
> anyway maybe you are just forcing it too much
> forcing these kind of things is not gonna work.


Well, girls can just sit and wait. They'll find a guy; because men make the first move.

But if a guy sits and wait, here comes... nothing! The perfect example, is the fact that most shy guys are single and have very few girlfriends, because they don't approach women!

As I previously said, my ex was heavier than me (I'm fairly skinny) and I never considered leaving her. If wanting to feel sexual attraction towards my partner is shallow, then I am guilty.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

I'm aware that there are portions of guys that go only by looks and may leave girls who are overweight [an easily fixable problem] left out but I can guarantee it's not as bad as it seems when you look at the reasons men are rejected for. You don't get responses because women have all the choice on dating sites [all of them no matter how lackluster they are themselves] and if you don't meet their standards in the first few minutes you are nothing to them. Those standards being looks and money aka stats. You're basically being stereotyped out. They'll look at you and go through all the high standardsand decide if you are worthy enough. They want the best man they can get who is equal or above to them. Lower no go. It's female hypergamy. Plus they get thousands of messages every 2 weeks. Thousands. Even though they don't need to turn to the internet because they can attract guys in the real world on a daily basis. People tend to be more shallow on the internet but if it was in real life you wouldn't get ignored but at least a no-thanks kinda thing.

As for your question if men are like this, well, no. I don't think so. Well, at least not as bad as you'd suspect. I've never seen a guy reject a girl for having average or lower looks [the majority], being unemployed, or having mental illness or social problems. Most guys look beyond that because besides our natural need for sex, we aren't easily fooled by our corrupt society and the media. Like believing whatever the movies say, mainstream music, or materialism. We guys just want somone we can havve good communication with and take out to have a good time and see where it goes guys can't even do that. Oh you live with your parnts, you don't drive yet, you're ugly, you're a lazy bum [baseless stereotype of modern society]. But you get the idea. Honestly it's the woman who chooses the man.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Yep.



> As you can see from the gray line, *women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium*.
> .....
> But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that *the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren't good enough for her*, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.


http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/



Jade18 said:


> guys can be picky too..


Not as much.



> Our chart shows how men have rated women, on a scale from *0* to *5*. The curve is symmetric and surprisingly charitable: a woman is as likely to be considered extremely ugly as extremely beautiful, and the majority of women have been rated about "medium." The chart _looks_ normalized, even though it's just the unfiltered opinions of our male users.
> 
> *Given the popular wisdom that Hollywood, the Internet, and Photoshop have created unrealistic expectations of how a woman should look, I found the fairness and, well, realism, of this gray arc kind of heartening.*


Disclaimer: I don't care how picky you are. Be as picky as you want to be. Nobody is asking you to alter your standards.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

TPower said:


> What's up with girls. Do they all think they can hang out with a tall, muscular, handsome, rich man?





TPower said:


> The few interested (under five) were not very attractive or quite overweight.


Haha. Seems like girls are not the only ones being picky.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

Jade18 said:


> guys can be picky too..
> do you think you can only hang around with perfect super models?
> anyway maybe you are just forcing it too much
> forcing these kind of things is not gonna work.


This is ridiculous. How come every time men bring up that are having trouble in the dating world, it's our fault?

Like how you ask if he only thinks he can hang around super models. Where in his first post did he ever say he was looking for super models? Where did he say he even had high standards for looks? He didn't because he probably doesn't have any higher standards than your average guy's standards.

He even admits his ex was a bit chubby. If his standards are so high, then why would he admit that about his ex?

Now I really see what Steve Hoca was talking about in his dating shaming tactics. People will seriously search for any reason, even if it's a lie, to try to blame men for dating failure.

TPower, you have done nothing wrong. I had over 90% of women that I messaged on OKCupid never send me a message back, so I know exactly what you are talking about. Don't let people try to make you feel like it's your fault that you've struggled to get a g/f. Being a shy guy is insanely hard socially.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I do agree that most girls are picky. I've met 5'11" girls that absolutely refuse to date anyone shorter than them - which I think is so absolutely ridiculous. I've also met women that won't date blonde guys or redheads. I think most of these women are in their 20s, where they aren't really looking for companionship, just a guy they can show off while they date for a short while. Hopefully most women will grow out of this. These woman also usually have many men wanting to date them, usually because they are very attractive.


However, I do think many men are also picky. As someone who could definitely stand to lose some weight I find many men would never even consider me. Most men would actually never ever consider me, despite the fact I think I'm a nice person and all that and usually pretty fun. Though yes, women have more control in the land of dating, it can go both ways.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

People are picky.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Well, wouldnt you be picky if you had more girls to choose from? Unfortunately that is not how it works.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Perfectionist said:


> I do agree that most girls are picky. I've met 5'11" girls that absolutely refuse to date anyone shorter than them - which I think is so absolutely ridiculous.


Guys who are 5'4" probably wouldn't want to date anyone taller than them either. If you're already taller or shorter than you're "ideally" supposed to be, the last thing you need is someone who would remind you every day that you're not ideal.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Don't get hung up on it, dating site are ridiculous places anyway. It's nearly better to focus your time on getting past the initial anixeties and meeting people through people.

As for other people being picky, ignore it, it doesn't matter.


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## Ununderstood (Jun 8, 2005)

I try and keep myself in shape, all I expect from a woman in the physical department is that she does this as well. Don't care if she has big boobs, big butt, a tiny waist or w/e, as long as she shows that she cares bout her body like I do; it's all I need.

It's true, women ARE more picky and that's for the simple fact that they get approached so much more than men are. This results in women realizing that they have more choices when it comes to a partner, they are the ones in control of the choosing and eliminating. This also results in women believing they are better than any man out there despite their own average or below-average looks. If they have had so many men come up to them but perhaps have had only one or two as boyfriends then it's quite obvious for them to subconsciously believe that 80% of the men out there just aren't on their par.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

veron said:


> Haha. Seems like girls are not the only ones being picky.


So not wanting to date a girl 40-50 lbs overweight or ugly makes me shallow and picky?


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## fdsafdsaf (Jan 17, 2011)

TPower said:


> My ex left me a few months ago, and I since tried to meet new girls online. Thing is, most of them (and I mean, around 80% of them) do not answer. Out of the 20% left, about 10-15% don't want to hook up.
> 
> The few interested (under five) were not very attractive or quite overweight.
> 
> ...


Girls can get sex really easy from anyone and aren't as horny as guys.. Also it is such that for guys it is honorful to **** lots of girls, but for girls it is dishonorfull to **** a lot of different guys. So the sex demand curve for girls and guys is already quite different. I guess that is some explanation of why you see them as picky. If they sleep with guys they often require to have developed some feelings or feel attracted by the persons personality as well.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

fdsafdsaf said:


> Girls can get sex really easy from anyone and aren't as horny as guys.. Also it is such that for guys it is honorful to **** lots of girls, but for girls it is dishonorfull to **** a lot of different guys. So the sex demand curve for girls and guys is already quite different. I guess that is some explanation of why you see them as picky. If they sleep with guys they often require to have developed some feelings or feel attracted by the persons personality as well.


This was very well explained. I like your perspective and I agree with it.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

TPower said:


> So not wanting to date a girl 40-50 lbs overweight or ugly makes me shallow and picky?


You aren't picky. Don't let some of these people's dating shaming tactics fool you.


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## fdsafdsaf (Jan 17, 2011)

IcemanKilmer said:


> This was very well explained. I like your perspective and I agree with it.


Thanks


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Girls get to be picky as a whole herd of horny guys will pursue them. This is how it works throughout the animal kingdom. It doesn't matter if you're a human, a lion, a ram, or a rat -- males of all species fight over females. It's just that humans post personal ads online while lesser animals don't type and just fight it out in a more primal fashion, though fundamentally the same.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

TPower said:


> So not wanting to date a girl 40-50 lbs overweight or ugly makes me shallow and picky?


Well, no, but it seems like 70% of Americans (men & women) are overweight so it does deplete the options. And it seems a lot of the overweight ones (men & women) want skinny partners. So that leaves a lot a people chasing the desirable 30%. Not good odds.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

TPower said:


> Well, girls can just sit and wait. They'll find a guy; because men make the first move.


There are females who have never been on a date, let alone other things. How can you explain that with your stupid and illogical theory ?? 
If what you said is true then why does loneliness and feeling unwanted exist ???? 
You don't even know what you are talking about !!


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Sorry to say it, but if a girl has never been approached/hit on by a single guy, it's because she's ugly. Or because she makes herself appear ugly. Kinda like Adrian in Rocky.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

TPower said:


> Sorry to say it, but if a girl has never been approached/hit on by a single guy, it's because she's ugly. Or because she makes herself appear ugly. Kinda like Adrian in Rocky.


Or could be she just never leaves the house to be seen.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

TPower said:


> Sorry to say it, but if a girl has never been approached/hit on by a single guy, it's because she's ugly. Or because she makes herself appear ugly. Kinda like Adrian in Rocky.


I don't care what you think of others, but the girl who's going to be with you is going to be miserable. I hate your arrogance and stupid theories on girls. 
You got on my nerves, good job !!


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

gomenne said:


> There are females who have never been on a date, let alone other things. How can you explain that with your stupid and illogical theory ??
> If what you said is true then why does loneliness and feeling unwanted exist ????
> You don't even know what you are talking about !!


For them the problem can be resolved by simply making themselves available. Nothing else is needed. Stats and qualities are irrelevant.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

stranger25 said:


> For them the problem can be resolved by simply making themselves available. Nothing else is needed. Stats and qualities are irrelevant.


for just going on dates and getting sex that would be true. but not as easy for finding love and a relationship with someone they would actually prefer to be with.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

lanzman said:


> for just going on dates and getting sex that would be true. but not as easy for finding love and a relationship with someone that would actually prefer to be with.


I just can't believe that. Not from what I've seen so far.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

stranger25 said:


> For them the problem can be resolved by simply making themselves available. Nothing else is needed. Stats and qualities are irrelevant.


No comment !! :mum


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

gomenne said:


> There are females who have never been on a date, let alone other things. How can you explain that with your stupid and illogical theory ??
> If what you said is true then why does loneliness and feeling unwanted exist ????
> You don't even know what you are talking about !!


Because those women don't give themselves a chance because they don't go out enough. Tpower's complaint is more along the lines that all women have to do is go out, and they never have to approach men. Women can just go into a party or bar and just sit there and not say a word to initiate conversations, and leave with 5 phone numbers.

Compare that to when a guy goes into a bar or party. If he just sits there and doesn't say anything to start conversation, this guy could easily sit there all night and never be approached by a woman.


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Short answer: yes
Long answer: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

IcemanKilmer said:


> Women can just go into a party or bar and just sit there and not say a word to initiate conversations, and leave with 5 phone numbers.


Wow, I wish I lived in this fantasy world you live in, because I've been out to plenty of bars and parties in my past and have NEVER left with even one number a good amount of times. I think you need to look over the ridiculousness of this statement.

But yeah, there are SOME women that don't have to do any work and just get numbers. Since the guy is the one expected to give out the numbers I guess it would be hard from a male point of view. You don't exactly see girls giving out their numbers to guys a whole lot of the time. Anyway, I'm not male so I don't understand your difficulties and probably never will (actually...I don't really care). And your not female so you won't understand what some girls go through. END OF STORY.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

fdsafdsaf said:


> If they sleep with guys they often require to have developed some feelings or feel attracted by the persons personality as well.


This is a myth. Casual sex doesn't just involve men. Women are just as capable of getting physical without any feelings being involved.

Women are picky because they can *afford* to be picky and have high standards. Because men who do conform to these high standards will usually not turn most willing women down, i.e. there is no reason for women to not be picky.



Perfectionist said:


> As someone who could definitely stand to lose some weight I find many men would never even consider me. Most men would actually never ever consider me, despite the fact I think I'm a nice person and all that and usually pretty fun.


Groundless self-pity. You are *regularly *showered with positive comments about your looks and your wittiness in the picture thread.



MojoCrunch said:


> Anyway, I'm not male so I don't understand your difficulties and probably never will (actually...I don't really care).


This should also lay to rest the myth that "girls are more empathetic".


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

Girls are more picky than men, but it also depends on the guys you are competing with.

On internet people can easily lie about their age, income, education etc. Maybe you are competing with guys who tell lots of bs to the girls you tried to contact.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Well, then their just going to have to wait...a long time...maybe even forever.. If they feel the need to have a guy out of a magazine. :no


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

TPower said:


> So not wanting to date a girl 40-50 lbs overweight or ugly makes me shallow and picky?


You judge girls solely based on their appearance, yet come here and complain when they do the same to you. I rest my case.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

veron said:


> You judge girls solely based on their appearance, yet come here and complain when they do the same to you. I rest my case.


That seems to be the major thing I notice with guys on this forum. The hypocrisy. There are plenty of girls that get rejected and vent their frustrations on this forum but I notice with the guys that go through the same thing there is a particular amount of...how do I say this...bitterness? They also have very negative attitudes about it despite having lots of examples of hope for them. There have also been plenty of nice guys that have tried posting positive experiences and trying to tell a lot of these guys that "it's okay. I was in your shoes and things will be okay". I honestly hope for a lot of you guys that are having trouble in the girlfriend department find a nice girl that makes you extremely happy and go on. I really do.



> This should also lay to rest the myth that "girls are more empathetic".


Hells no, especially for situations like this. You can't expect me or any female to have empathy when we can't think with our d*cks like men do. It's impossible. And we shouldn't expect the same from our counterparts who can't think with a vagina. Biology just doesn't allow it.


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## Music Man (Aug 22, 2009)

TPower said:


> Sorry to say it, but if a girl has never been approached/hit on by a single guy, it's because she's ugly. Or because she makes herself appear ugly. Kinda like Adrian in Rocky.


or she could possibly be.......shy?


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## madsv (Mar 19, 2010)

Here were go again. Girls have it much easier than men, they can just sit and wait to get a partner, they dont need to do anything jada jjada jada, what a bunch a crap talk. Guys wake up and start to think a little

Both girls and guys have problems. They are just different problems, but for the person itself the problem can be excactly as big as the other. There are still some girls from my secondary school that have never had a boyfriend and which do go out, but they maybe are not "attractive" to men, they maybe have a personality that is a boring or something else. 

A very good adwise I have learned. If you come with the approach that girls are picky, they wont like me etc etc, bingo you are right, they wont like you then. There is nothing more bad that appearing negative to other people, both when you want to have new friends or will try to find a partner.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

*Gender War is over*


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