# Thinking of Leaving My Therapist..



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I just wanted to see if I could get some input on this. This is a bit long, so extra thanks for anyone who reads through it.

So I had my first therapist from Jan 2010 to Jan 2012. It was weekly sessions, and there was no structure to it, it was just me venting, him making comments/reactions, but there was no help involved. I was stagnant for 2 years by just venting. So, I decided to go see the psychiatrist I had met at the psychiatric hospital I went to, in his private practice. He is a psychiatrist and also a psychoanalyst who does therapy. I _really_ liked his personality and style in the hospital. So from Jan 2012 to now, I've been seeing him once a month. (I can only see him once a month because he charges 175 dollars a session, doesn't accept insurance, too expensive for me to go more than that). He's not a drug pusher, and he lets me make my own decisions regarding meds, which is great.

The thing is, the type of therapy is not working for me. It's psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy. Basically, every session we delve into what happened in the past, and make connections as to why I'm having problems right now. It's very introspective and is supposed to enlighten me to understand myself better. I thought I wanted this, because my prior therapist didn't do any introspection with me at all. But there is a lot of problems here. One is, it kinda centers around denial in my opinion. If I bluntly disagree with a connection he made, he makes it seem as though I'm not seeing the truth, that I'm in denial. I'm not a fan of that, I believe I know myself best, he's simply supposed to be a guide.

Another bad thing - since he's psychoanalytic (Freudian), he tends to constantly connect my problems with either "daddy issues" or "sexual drives/sexual repression/sexual frustration". Now, these things can be something to look into for sure, but I don't like how the whole therapy is centered around that. It's not something that he came up with just for me. Freudian therapy is all about fathers and sex. And I'm getting sick of it honestly.

Another thing. Since it is so focused on the past. I'm not getting any help for things happening in the present. I'm completely housebound, I reject people and society, I'm becoming too isolated. And he doesn't address how to help me out of that. Also, I've been suffering from really bad panic attacks, every few days, for months now. I desperately need help on what to do, but he doesn't help with that. He simply goes "Hm, well let's see why you are having them, it could be related to what happened in the past here.." Yeah, stating the obvious doesn't help me deal with what's happening. So all this time, I'm just getting panic attack after panic attack. I've been trying my best to deal with it on my own, but for god's sake, I want some help with this!

It's been all year so far, and I see no improvement, nor do I feel it is helpful. Of course my parents and the therapist says it takes awhile to see improvement. But I'm being honest - I don't want spend hundreds of more dollars for something I don't see helping anything in the future.

So, my problem is: I'm not sure how to get out of this therapy. Number one - my therapist thinks I really like him (he constantly assesses why I go there, in which he says it's because I look up to him, like him, see him as a father figure etc.. in which I stay quiet because inside I'm not liking him anymore), and my therapist thinks that I like this type of therapy and he definitely is assuming that I'm gonna keep coming. Should I have a close-out session with him? I don't think I'd be able to take the anxiety of that. I did that with my prior therapist and it was awful.

Second problem - I begged my parents to let me give this doctor a shot. I thought he would be really good from what I saw at the hospital. I'm not sure how to tell them that it isn't working for me. They spent hundreds of dollars on this so far..

Any advice or input?


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## Ben Williams (Sep 9, 2012)

i try to just be supportive rather than just straight up tell someone what they should do but i would suggest just leaving. I dont know what kind of channels you need to go through to find counsellors and stuff over there so i dont know how hard/easy it is to find someone else but i stopped going to mine, he cost 210 and hour and i admittedly feel guilty about stopping cos my mum was paying for them. I just dont know how we can expect ourselves to take such serious advice from someone we really dont respect. Above all that, the simple matter you don't think it's helping is enough reason to try someone else. I've never been told the Freudian stuff, but look for someone who can offer Cogniative behavioural therapy, i keep hearing over and over that it's the best thing for anxiety by far.
i do hope you find someone that works for you, it's hard enough going along, let alone going along when you don't think it's right for you


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## louiselouisa (Jul 12, 2012)

I met a psychologist a week ago, after telling her I didn't think anything had changed though I had met three different persons and she told me that a patient and a doctor needed to match, I don't think it's translated well, but some people just have to see different doctors for everything to work. If you think he's just not the right doctor for you, just leave. By the way, do you find something positive about his method? Aside from that he's not a drug pusher?

About the second problem, it's kinda difficult, it's the reason why I stopped seeing doctors. but if you do something to convince them like you ask people to convince them and they agree, I think it'll work. you can try to tell your therapist that you're not comfortable with him shoving everything down your throat and ask him to change the therapy. and what would happen if you stopped seeing him abruptly?


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

*NoSocialButterfly* - First, I can't talk about this with my doctor.. I just can't.. I really don't feel comfortable with him, I don't see myself bringing up all the things I dislike about what he's doing. The only reason I'd bring these things up was if I was sure I wanted to stay. I'm leaning towards leaving, so I might just want to.. well.. leave. And yes, I really just need help for what's going on with me _right now_. If I had leisurely time to interpret my past, than sure. But I just see myself getting older and older and sinking lower and lower, real fast. The longer I get stuck here the harder it will be to get out. He's not focused on that at all. He made that very, very clear. I even told him that, I expressed my concerns about my fears of living life. He told me he doesn't try to make people _do_ stuff, he just helps them interpret who they are.

*Ben Williams* - Thank you for responding. I am wondering about CBT and what it could maybe do for me. I've never tried it. Thing is, I have Avoidant PD along with SA. And the fact that it's incredibly deep-rooted, CBT hasn't really been shown to help with the very deep problems. But honestly, I'm so sick of focusing on the past, I need something to help with the here and now. And I'm assuming CBT does that.

I'm not exactly sure how to find therapists.. my first therapist, was just at a place near my mother's job, so we tried there. We found my past psychiatrist out of randomly picking a name out of the doctors covered by our insurance. And of course, this doctor I met at the hospital.

*louiselouisa* - Thank you also for responding. I just feel bad because I thought this was the doctor that would mesh well with me. I liked him. But it's just not working anymore.. Trying to think of other things I like about his method, I can't really think of much. Nothing he does really helps me or helps me figure things out. And the thoughts he does propose, I don't agree with. It's not that they are things I don't want to hear, it's that they are things I just blatantly think are wrong and off-track. I really think I'm making up my mind as I say all this.. lol.

I'm a little nervous to try to see another psychiatrist. I know my diagnosis (also have Bipolar), and I found the right medications that work. And I also use Xanax responsibly. I'm afraid if I go to another doctor, they will want to take control and change things. I don't want that. I just want a psychiatrist to keep supplying me with what is working.

I can't ask him to change his therapy, he only does one type of therapy, which is psychodynamic and psychoanalysis. He doesn't like CBT or is qualified for anything else.

If I stopped seeing him abruptly, I'd just be left with no psychiatrist to supply me with my medication, which I _need_ as I'm Bipolar. So I'd need to find one very quickly, unless my GP can give me prescriptions but I'm not sure if they can.. I can go without a therapist for awhile to try to find a good one.

Another thing I didn't mention that annoys me to no f-king end. He doesn't remember _anything_ about me. I know he only sees me once a month, but he doesn't even write facts down. Every time he asks me how old my brothers are, and if my parents are divorced. Every single session he focuses on the divorce, and yet... he can't even remember if they are divorced? WTF?He doesn't remember that I have a dissociative disorder, he doesn't remember my age, he doesn't remember my medications (I have to tell him what to write down on the prescription pad..), and well.. he fails to remember all the facts of my life. And trust me, there isn't that much there.. How are we supposed to make progress if I have to go through the main things of my life each time just so he can remember? I pay him 175 every session, you'd think he'd write stuff down..

And what really upset me last session (on last tuesday), is that he forgot I had an appointment. I was going to the office but I ran into him on the elevator and he looked at me as though he saw a ghost. Apparently he didn't schedule me in and he ended up scheduling someone else. They weren't there yet, so he rescheduled them and took me instead. I felt so embarrassed the whole time because I knew he wasn't expecting me, despite it being his fault.

Okay.. so, I know I want to leave him now... how do I tell my parents? I'm not sure how to tell them, they thought everything was going well. Well, I told my dad I was unsure about it a couple of months back, so I think he already knows that I'm not crazy about it.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I told my parents yesterday. After telling them, rather heatedly, what is wrong with this therapy, they understood. So, now I'm not going back, and we will start looking for another psychiatrist quickly before my refills run out. 

Sooo.. Thanks for listening, guys.

/thread.


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