# Are there any good people left?



## AdvicePlease (Mar 23, 2014)

I don't normally post to sites for advice, but I'm tired of feeling alone and helpless in my search for real friendship. My whole life I've managed to always pick friends that were egocentric, and only out to help themselves. I don't know why this is the case, and I don't care anymore. The only thing I want is REAL, QUALITY, CARING, SUPPORTIVE, friends whom I can enjoy their company and have fun with. This has been my goal for years now. I'm an attractive 21yr old man, and I'm not that shy....Anymore. I used to be, but I've gained a lot of social experience since then. I'm proud of who I am. My problem and story is as follows:

Note: I'm talking about my two close friends, I've had for years. I've managed to keep some close friends from high school and through part of my college career. In time we have all grown in completely separate directions over the years. Yet we still hang out with each other out of necessity(Although it's getting to the point where we have said some things that has left some scars along the way. The friendship is dying a painfully slow death:duel). Personally my experience with these people has seen highs and lows, and as time goes on the lows have become more and more frequent. It's to the point that we aren't honest with each other out of fear due to past experiences. My friends are terrible, they're not supportive, never apologetic, never admit when they're wrong, never reach out to lend a hand, huge critics, extremely passive aggressive, ruthless(They will use your weaknesses against you and tell other people about them. Then laugh about it when you find out.), the list can go on and on. As I said before we hang out, out of necessity. (Well, I know that's the only reason I'm still around.) Communication has gotten so out of hand. It has become completely pointless to ask, "Everything okay?", "Please let me know if there is anything you'd like to talk about.", or anything a long those lines. When I txt them I get short and sharp answers, and sometimes I get no response. Do you see? These people hardly want to communicate anymore. When I ask what's wrong, they make it out to be my problem. (They do this because it makes them feel as though they have complete control. Like I'm the one with the issue. Yet they're the ones being passive aggressive.) I can't salvage this friendship unless I act as though I'm not bothered by there pathetic, lazy, and hurtful attempt at friendship. *What do I do from here? I need new friends, but close friends aren't easy to come by.* I get so lonely, I live in a smaller town, where most people go to the bars and drink. Which I'm not against, but not a fan of. *I'm losing hope that I will ever find a trust worthy friend.* _I personally am much different than my friends. I have always been kind, caring, active, trustworthy, protective, and I like to think I'm funny_. I really try hard to be the best person I can be everyday. My friends don't share the same goal/passion. They believe in helping themselves and *manipulating* others into doing what they want.

Anyone been through a similar situation?
Have any advice on how to stay strong?(It takes a toll on my heart, not gonna lie.)
*Really any advice is welcome as long as it is practical and useful.*


----------



## Morumot (Sep 21, 2011)

I feel the same, I hate people but I have found some people that are genuinely nice on this site so I'm not as cynical as before.


----------



## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

There are plenty of 'nice' people around. Close friends is something you just have to build over time, there is no secret way to get them nor tips which can help you other than be yourself.

Its not uncommon for friends to drift apart as you get older, it happened to me with people i thought i was going to be close with forever. People change, life changes. From what it sounds like from your perspective, keeping contact with such people is dragging you down. Having contact for the sake of contact yet having all of these negatives attached to it is an awful idea.


----------



## Socialanxiety11 (Oct 3, 2011)

I only had 2 real friends in my life. The others just backstabbed me for no reason at all. I'm done with making friends.


----------



## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

Socialanxiety11 said:


> I only had 2 real friends in my life. The others just backstabbed me for no reason at all. I'm done with making friends.


Dont give up


----------



## fair sprite (Feb 9, 2014)

They sound like really toxic people to be around. I would start trying to make some new friends somewhere else. You don't have to go out of your way to avoid them hopefully but you don't have to invite them into possible new relationships with healthier people. I have tried to be friends with people like that and ignore the fact that they were so toxic but it got to the point I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to cut them off. I haven't found new people to hang out with yet because I haven't been looking, but I am much happier not hearing them back stab, make fun of people, and treat me like they could care less. Trust me, you don't need that garbage and kudos to you for noticing and wanting more!


----------



## slider (Feb 9, 2013)

from my experience:

if you have not made friends with someone at an early age the odds of (whoever) being a true best friend now is very low. This is off topic but this same method also applies to relationships.


----------



## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Yes, there are. But I have found very few online so far. Real life... let's not go down that road.


----------



## Jade18 (Mar 6, 2011)

not many no


----------



## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Good people? W0t.


----------



## Ladysoul (Jan 24, 2014)

Let it be'

"They believe in helping themselves and *manipulating* others into doing what they want."

99% of people ^ just saying..


----------



## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

AdvicePlease said:


> I don't normally post to sites for advice, but I'm tired of feeling alone and helpless in my search for real friendship. My whole life I've managed to always pick friends that were egocentric, and only out to help themselves. I don't know why this is the case, and I don't care anymore. The only thing I want is REAL, QUALITY, CARING, SUPPORTIVE, friends whom I can enjoy their company and have fun with. This has been my goal for years now. I'm an attractive 21yr old man, and I'm not that shy....Anymore. I used to be, but I've gained a lot of social experience since then. I'm proud of who I am. My problem and story is as follows:
> 
> Note: I'm talking about my two close friends, I've had for years. I've managed to keep some close friends from high school and through part of my college career. In time we have all grown in completely separate directions over the years. Yet we still hang out with each other out of necessity(Although it's getting to the point where we have said some things that has left some scars along the way. The friendship is dying a painfully slow death:duel). Personally my experience with these people has seen highs and lows, and as time goes on the lows have become more and more frequent. It's to the point that we aren't honest with each other out of fear due to past experiences. My friends are terrible, they're not supportive, never apologetic, never admit when they're wrong, never reach out to lend a hand, huge critics, extremely passive aggressive, ruthless(They will use your weaknesses against you and tell other people about them. Then laugh about it when you find out.), the list can go on and on. As I said before we hang out, out of necessity. (Well, I know that's the only reason I'm still around.) Communication has gotten so out of hand. It has become completely pointless to ask, "Everything okay?", "Please let me know if there is anything you'd like to talk about.", or anything a long those lines. When I txt them I get short and sharp answers, and sometimes I get no response. Do you see? These people hardly want to communicate anymore. When I ask what's wrong, they make it out to be my problem. (They do this because it makes them feel as though they have complete control. Like I'm the one with the issue. Yet they're the ones being passive aggressive.) I can't salvage this friendship unless I act as though I'm not bothered by there pathetic, lazy, and hurtful attempt at friendship. *What do I do from here? I need new friends, but close friends aren't easy to come by.* I get so lonely, I live in a smaller town, where most people go to the bars and drink. Which I'm not against, but not a fan of. *I'm losing hope that I will ever find a trust worthy friend.* _I personally am much different than my friends. I have always been kind, caring, active, trustworthy, protective, and I like to think I'm funny_. I really try hard to be the best person I can be everyday. My friends don't share the same goal/passion. They believe in helping themselves and *manipulating* others into doing what they want.
> 
> ...


Ya..know..i honestly wish i had some "close friends" myself:yes...like people above me have said..true friends are hard to come by..& i think going into a friendship you have to be prepared for the good & the ugly:twisted...i'am learning everyday to have an open mind about people:yes...but we live in a world of good & evil, you've got "serial killers", "rapists", "thugs", "corrupt leaders" etc. then you've got "noble peace winners", "humanitarians", "healers", "hippies", & your typical "kind i wanna hug you people":squeeze...knowing all that it should be no surprise that..you will get friends..that may have some imperfect traits (DISCLAIMER: i don't mean your friends are..or will become serial killers or hippies:lol) just saying, humans are a flawed species..& there's gonna be an invisible warning label that comes with people..same with the real ones we see on products that we use...same with people..even if i were to make a friend..i wouldn't go into it blindly..people will disappoint you:yes..but they will also charm you as well..& sometimes you meet crabapples & sometimes you meet fresh apples..what i think might be best......not saying it's a cure for your current situation..but i think you should start a meetup group on the forums..with someone in your area......we can't meet everyone like us..cus America+Earth is enormous...but this is also where the internet is our friend...maybe see if their other people who live near you on the SA forums...at least someone who understands what your going through...i mean i can't think of a more close to empathetic place on the net; i mean even SA people aren't perfect..but i think it's your best bet.


----------

