# No friends at university



## jay123432 (Aug 3, 2015)

As a type this, I am at an ultimate low. Im studying at medical school on a 5 year degree and am now in my 3rd year. Throughout my entire time here i have not made any friends at all on my course; those friends i had at the beginning have now drifted away well and truly. My university is a 3 hour train journey away from home, and I have been going home every weekend to maintain my mental stability. 

I currently live alone and will be doing so for the next two years of the course as I have nobody to live with. My flatmates (whom i share a kitchen with) are all international students with whom I have minimal communication with due to a language barrier. My only source of comfort and sanity is my girlfriend whom I met online 6 months ago, and we have been dating for 4 months now (she lives 2 hours away); we speak everyday and she knows about my situation, again, i am worried she will leave me due to it. 

I have had depression last year and thoughts of suicide, as I had lived in a house with people i thought were my 'friends' but I faced so many difficulties there i decided to move out and lost over £2000 in the process. 

To make matters worse, everytime i look on Facebook I see people in the med school going to parties, medic socials and the biggest event of the year which is mid-course ball (marks halfway point of the course) which I will not be going to as I have nobody to go with. It constantly depresses me that I am 21 and should be having the time of my life but most of my time is spent alone in my room, travelling or studying. I just can't see where I'm going wrong and why I cannot make friends and keep them. I just feel trapped and have been close to leaving this course and the city so many times but my passion for becoming a doctor has kept me here for the past 2.5 years (I am now halfway through my degree so I can't bring myself to leave). 

Does anyone have any advice how I can manage things right now? I am just afraid where my life is going socially.


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## Tomcat123 (Sep 30, 2015)

While I can't give you advice on making friends in university other than the generic join clubs, for I am in my last year and made 0 (not even acquaintances) I would say focus on school, work, hobbies, keep yourself preoccupied. Also you have a girlfriend, so I guess you could mainly socialize with her, again though I have never had one so I don't know if the dynamic between a regular friend/girlfriend is different.

Hope I helped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

I sympathise with your situation a lot. I had an offer to study Medicine but I didn't get the necessary A-level grades, so I now I can't even reapply. So now I'm doing a sh** degree at a sh** uni, lol. I wish I was intelligent like you!

As for the social aspect of your life, I know how deadly loneliness can be. Really, I do. I deal with it every day. Have you made an effort to socialise with people from your course in lectures/seminars?
I'm in my first year of uni and I thought I had one friend (up until last night but I won't get into that) but we became friends because he sat next to me in a lecture and made an effort to talk to me. So I'm sure you're more than capable of doing the same!

I am truly sorry to hear you are dealing with depression and having thoughts of suicide. Because I know exactly what that's like and how painful it is. I hope you start to feel better and things start turning around for you soon. Best of luck with everything.


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## Bogus (Jun 28, 2010)

try to focus on the positives and stay away from stuff that drags you down, if you can.

- you are only 21 and you are halfway through your higher education in a field that may earn you a lot of money. i think it is also a difficult study? give yourself credit for this, this is not something to be taken for granted.

- you managed to get yourself a girlfriend, many people with sa dont. it is a reason to be happy, not to be worried.

- you are comparing yourself to facebook people, this is a mistake. people tend to see only where other people may have it better when comparing, and facebook only ever presents what other people have, not what they not have. do you compare yourself to the aforementioned people who dont manage their education as well as you do, who dont have girlfriends, etc? or do you think about what those party people may be hiding in their closet? probably not. if you dont need it, i suggest you stop using facebook.

- you can find friends outside of uni too. its not something that you plan on, its more like that you just become more social and open to people as a whole and then these things eventually just happen. all of the people i used to call my friends years ago i didnt plan on meeting, and the people i did plan on becoming friends with, i never became friends with.

your life doesnt objectivly seem so bad if you take aside whats going on in your head. i know this is difficult, but i would argue the main reason why youre feeling bad is the way you judge things, not so much the lack of friends, which is may be a bit sad, but nothing to get suicidal about. your thoughts are what is doing it.

you are still very young. you will never be able to be 20 again and do the things that some other 20 year olds do or did, but you can do most of this stuff when youre older too. you can still write a book, climb a mountain, get a gazillion of friends or become don juan.

for this you should work on changing your thinking tho, so it stop dragging you down and becomes more useful in getting you where you want to go.


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## FunkyFedoras (Aug 30, 2013)

Go to the ball with the girlfriend? Tell her to visit you for it since she lives 2 hours away.


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## Hazardblast (Jan 26, 2016)

Dude u have a Gf your already better off then half of us here why are u sad?


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## Hazardblast (Jan 26, 2016)

Ur there to study not make friend and so wat if you dont go to life destroying parties?


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

I didn't make it to the 3rd year in college because of a depression, which was partly caused by no having friends.


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