# Depersonalisation - or 'floating out of body'



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Just wondered - how many folks here experience depersonalisation?

Its a bit like feeling you have floated out of your body, and are almost looking over your own shoulder and viewing yourself in the room and the other person, or things may appear white and hazy and like you are hearing things - even your own voice, as if through someone elses ears. The sounds are real, and not imagined as in psychosis - its just the way they are perceived thats changed.

Tis a bit odd and not nice  Just read a wiki and is apprently a common symptom of BPD, so that explains mine ... :afr


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

I go through bouts of that from time to time. Back when my life was falling apart, I basically lived in that state of mind for close to a year on and off. Pretty scary :afr


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

wowz. Iread that if youre in it most of the time it has a name - depersonalisation disorder (never woulda guessed that one huh).

I get it every now and then, mabbe 3 or 4 times a week I guess. 

How did you experience it? How would you describe it to someone?


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> How did you experience it? How would you describe it to someone?


The way it feels/felt to me is like nothing was real, everything was out of joint, like everything was just a little 'off'. A lot of the time, when I experiencing that for long periods of time, I was mostly non-reactive... for example, if someone would tell me something like... your dog died, I'd feel like it was being said to someone else, not me.

Other times, I'd feel kind of floaty and light when I was falling asleep, at the same time, I'd get racing thoughts but it was like it was outside my mind, not in it, if that makes any sense.

More than anything, overall, the overwhelming feeling of being disconnected from everything and everyone, even myself. And looking back, I experienced this as a kid too quite a bit :um

Thankfully though, the episodes have gotten shorter and not nearly as frequent :fall


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

I'm disconnected a majority of the time. I'm so used to it that I just tune it out most of the time but when I am aware of it it really freaks me out.


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

I could get something like this when I had panic attacks.

Thankfully I haven't had them in a while.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

oh yes - it can be part of Panic Disorder and Bipolar too, if its frequent.


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## lilly (Mar 22, 2006)

I feel like I did this before an operation I nearly chickened out of. I just kind of felt it wasn't really me who had to have the operation. I think it's a self-protective instinct. I've also done it when I was small and growing up by blocking out the past painful things. Maybe even when watching tv I'm doing it as I feel I'm watching the show but really I'm not I'm just inside my head.
It definitely has happened to me at social occasions I was terrified of going to. It happens while I'm there and supposed to speak up - it's as if I'm not really there.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Nope, never had that happen to me yet.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yeah, Im still struggling getting back to my real self. Panic is my cause I believe but also perhaps a disruption in my sleep cycle. its really connected to my sense of losing touch with reality, depression, seeing two parts of myself where I dont want to end up in some psychiatric territory/


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## Lilfly (Feb 16, 2007)

I also used to have episodes quite often when confronted with a situation where I felt I could not retreat from..it's part and parcel of my PTSD.

I'm almost totally homebound now so I haven't had an epi. in awhile. Who says avoidance doesn't work :lol

But really, they can be very unsettling especially if you don't know what's happening. I always described it as vibrating outside my body...until diagnosed my family knew what I meant when I said "I have to get back" and someone would help me to the house/car, where I would be for hours just looking around me and identifying reality..."the carpet is brown".."the air-conditioning is on" etc...and finally I'd be there again. During the episodes if I had to talk, it felt as tho I was on automatic pilot...I really didn't hear the sounds that came out..I just robotically floated though it. Although the word 'floated' seems to peaceful a word to describe it...it was more like disappearing right before my own very eyes. very weird..indescribable sensation.


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## tainted_ (Feb 20, 2008)

I think I get this... I usually get it when I am out in public. I feel like I am walking around and am completely out of it, like my brain is somewhere else and everything feels kind of surreal. It's really hard to explain so I'm not sure if this is the same as what everyone else is talking about. If it is I ge it a lot.


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## Lilfly (Feb 16, 2007)

Tainted... what is define as depersonalization, also has a physiological sensation to it as well as the psychological numbing. There is a very real feeling of separating from your physical body...(everyone suffers differently from it's symptoms) but for me I felt like a walking 'soul'... I was 'aware' of my body..its just that the I was disconnected from it.

It's not just a 'spacey' feeling..it's much more intense. And a person can not function too long in this state... they *have* to get to safety (wherever/however they define that safety) as soon as possible.

I hope this helps a little more since suffering from this without knowing what 'it' is...can make a person doubt their very sanity. Just know, that if you do depersonalize that is common among very fearful people and you are not alone. :hug


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hi Lilfly

Im not too sure, but it sounds like you have the other one - derealisation. Does it seem like you are having trouble defining what is real? Depersonalisation you know whats real, you just dont feel connected. Derealisation is a bit more extreme - is this what you are describing? 

I only get this in 'pulses', mainly one to one situations that I find distressing in some personal way eg criticism from a superior or if I am critcising someone else. I really feel for you if it lasts that long - have you been diagnosed with Depersonalisation / Derealisation Disorder at all? I think it can be treated, not sure :stu


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## katelyn (Jul 11, 2006)

I used to experience depersonalisation when I was younger but I very rarely get that now. I remember times when I was in a stressful situation in primary school, and everything was feeling unreal and dreamlike. But for some reason I haven't felt that in ages.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Reading this thread for a second time sparked a memory for me. My sister told me something like this happened to her once. Apparently she was upstairs in our bedroom, and experiened her body floating down the steps to witness me talking with dad. She said after the experience stopped, she went downstairs and there I was, talking with dad.

Freaky :afr 

So many strange things have happened to her I could go on for days. I don't know what I believe most of the time. She's not the type of person that would lie, especially to me. 

As for me, I haven't experienced anything like that.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

well, there are actual "out of body experiences" that ppl can experience unrelated to current emotions and stuff. I know my father-in-law had an out of body experience once that he talks about a lot. I hear it is scary prolly just as depersonalization is. I'm sure its almost the same thing, in a way but happen because of different circumstances or sumthin. Either way, both are very real things.

I've never had it happen.

HUGS to everyone who has to go through depersonalization and stuff.


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## Lilfly (Feb 16, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hi Lilfly
> 
> Im not too sure, but it sounds like you have the other one - derealisation. Does it seem like you are having trouble defining what is real? Depersonalisation you know whats real, you just dont feel connected. Derealisation is a bit more extreme - is this what you are describing?
> 
> I only get this in 'pulses', mainly one to one situations that I find distressing in some personal way eg criticism from a superior or if I am critcising someone else. I really feel for you if it lasts that long - have you been diagnosed with Depersonalisation / Derealisation Disorder at all? I think it can be treated, not sure :stu


Hi Yeah...

Yes, I have been diagnosed with depersonalization (many years ago) and over the years have discovered that I experience both (derealization also)...It's just my theory but I believe in a spectrum aspect of these disorders...as in... depersonalization (milder form) to derealization (more severe form) depending on the variables (and situation) of the person involved. I could be wrong but this how I have experienced it.

I guess, I was just trying to say that the 'spacey' feeling everyone gets at times is totally different from this disorder and wanted to separate the two. I'm just not that great at getting what's in my head down on paper (screen..lol). So thank you for clarifying it and for your concern...your very kind.

~Lilfly


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## Ms Deer (May 30, 2004)

This is a very interesting thread. I don't remember ever experiencing this, at least not to a great extent. But several years ago, while on a search about Borderline Personality Disorder, I ran across this woman's website. On it she chronicles her ongoing battle with both depersonalization and derealization. Some of you may be interested in reading her story.

http://www.dreamchild.net

I was very much taken with her account of her childhood as it could have easily been my own with only minor variations.

Best wishes to all,
Ms Deer


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

seems to me like a spiritual experience. kinda like your soul needs to leave for a moment because of the feelings being so intense.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Tis kind of like that, like the brain detaches for a moment. If you have ever fainted, its a bit like that feeling you get just before you go 'out', except im not hyperventilating or anything. Its like a learned response deep down, v odd. Mines not as bad as some peoples here though  

:hug for all


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

I went through a time wrap once. True story. It was a crazy experience, for real. :yes 

I'm serious! It really happened. Someone and I were in a car. We had just left watching the new make or new out Excorist movie. Upon leaving the parking lot, we stop at a stop sign, then BAM we are on this side street driving toward a stop light. Neither of us had any idea of what happened or how we got there. Very unreal experience.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I experience it all the time although over the last few years it hasn't been so intense. There is a support forum for this, I have the URL in my siggy below.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

I'm gonna reasearch this, I find it interesting.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

:yay

Ya wanna hear something really freaky deaky?

I am reading a published, peer reviewed journal article about people that hear voices during psychosis. There are numerous reported incidents where, if the patient was feeling calm, but the therapist was feeling angry, the psychotic patient would actually hear the therapists thoughts and relay them back to them. Yes you heard me right - telepathy. I must admit I threw the book down at that point, but this is apparently a documented phenomenon ... go figure.

Many people have it that illnesses that cause psychosis have a spiritual element to them.

The research is published in a book called _*Accepting Voices:* A new analysis of the experience of hearing voices outside the illness model. This original research is a challenge to popular sterotypes and the psychiatric orthodoxy which inhibits rather thsn stimulates personal growth._

Snappy title, I think you'll agree.

On depresonalisation and derealisation though, I think it has to do with the brain just going 'enoughs enough' and pulling the plug on the sensory connections so that they cant hurt you anymore .. like overloading a circuit breaker. DP is common in PTSD especially and the flashbacks can be almost like hallucinations.


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## danielk (Jun 4, 2008)

Hmmm... I used to meditate regularly (this wasn't a traditional meditation, a la Buddhism, but more of an "esoteric" type of meditation, and I use that word loosely. I'm far from superstitious or mystical) and I was able to experience some very odd sensations. One of them was the feeling of leaving my body. I never could see myself and all of that; all I saw was nothingness; darkness; I couldn't even feel myself breathing. At first it was frightening but I got used to it and actually enjoyed it. I was able to enter that state within 5-10 minutes of sitting down.

Now that I'm medicated, I can no longer do it. However, "regular" meditation, like mindfulness or following my breath, I am still able to do.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> :yay
> 
> Ya wanna hear something really freaky deaky?
> 
> ...


YES, *very *interesting. :yes


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I haven't had depersonalization or derealization experiences. They sound pretty damn scary though!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

I have floated out of my body and I am currently playing with sprocket. Aww shes cute but shes says 'please can you ask ardie to change his deodorant'


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> I have floated out of my body and I am currently playing with sprocket. Aww shes cute but shes says 'please can you ask ardie to change his deodorant'


She climbed up to my shoulder like a parrot yesterday. I think you must have floated around yesterday and suggested that trick to her.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

you caught me :lol


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## yojez (Mar 14, 2007)

i have depersonalized my ENTIRE life i just now like 3 days ago put myself back in my body...to me it feels like i am another person there's the depersonalized me and the real me...when i am depersonalized i feel like i am watching a movie...it is really scary because i dont have a good memory of most of my life ESPECIALLY when all my trauma happened which was my childhood...i did it out of fear...its funny that you posted this b/c its been on my mind recently


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## emandem (Sep 2, 2007)

I suffered from this since second grade, which here means i was about 8-9 at that time. I remember it happening in my class where suddenly I felt i couldn't use my body anymore, as if I had gone outside my body.I had a hard time talking because I felt I'm 'outside' my body.. practically all the things you all have said by now. I hated it.
I had it for 2 years, then it went away, and came back later in anxiety-related situations, like at concerts I had in music school, I couldn't play, couldn't somehow control myself.. it was like a hazy dream. I haven't had it for a while now, but when I start to think about it, it might come back. I think one of the reasons I grew out of this is when i realized that other peopel can have it too - plus, has anyone ever noticed its the same feeling like the day after youve had lots of alcohol? I once drank too much and the feeling was there, it was the same feeling, caused by totally different things. Also, not taking my meds can cause this, although I rarely forget to take them, and not sleeping for days makes this come back too :eyes


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## popeet (Dec 8, 2005)

I've had chronic depersonalization and derealization for fifteen years. It's as fun as it sounds. 

That guy Eric Hollander (with Daphne Simeon) who was shooting people up with oxytocin (mentioned in another thread on a "new" treatment for social anxiety) did a bunch of research on DP in the late 90's and early 00's. I'm wondering if the oxytocin was being used for research on DP and its cuddly, disinhibitory effects were some lucky side-benefit and he just ran with it.

I guess I'll wait until I have a baby and need to induce labor to see if oxytocin both brings back my feelings of reality and makes me less socially anxious.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Just wondered - how many folks here experience depersonalisation?
> 
> Its a bit like feeling you have floated out of your body, and are almost looking over your own shoulder and viewing yourself in the room and the other person, or things may appear white and hazy and like you are hearing things - even your own voice, as if through someone elses ears. The sounds are real, and not imagined as in psychosis - its just the way they are perceived thats changed.
> 
> Tis a bit odd and not nice  Just read a wiki and is apprently a common symptom of BPD, so that explains mine ... :afr


I get stong depersonalisation whenever I used marijuana om a few occasions. I also get it when I get into a big argument with someone.


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## Beggiatoa (Dec 25, 2004)

I used to get this while at work. I hated my job. Guess my mind literally wanted to get out of there. I miss it though. I loved it each time it happened....sigh....

I also miss the vivids dreams...what adventures I had.


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## arkityp (Jun 14, 2008)

i've had this my entire life (resulting from trauma).


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

when i was 6, i think, was the first time. something strange happened. I dont think it was either. More of out of mind. i guess thats derealization. but its as if it was same time? am i talking of the same as these 2?

i could relate to the photo in the website linked. www.dreamchild.net

now ive been getting more of body numbness. dont know if its related, also, more of loss of sense of space. i get shocked to see my arms. or hands.

hmm


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## tonsofun (Aug 28, 2006)

I used to have this when I lived alone and things were really bad for me. Every time I went out in public in any situation, be it the grocery store or a department store or whatever. It literally feels like youre brain turns off and your body takes over. But at the same time you still watch what your body is doing. I don't know what it is but its really scary when you realize that you can just "lose" yourself like that.


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## popeet (Dec 8, 2005)

I can relate to what you wrote-- being/living alone; then going into a situation where I am interacting with others... the transition from not seeing or hearing my "self" to being self-conscious and hearing my "self" triggers the automaton effect. It happens when all attention is on me also (speaking in front of a group.) The whole body fleshpuppet feeling and hearing a voice that is supposedly mine. Suddenly not knowing where the thoughts the voice expresses are being formed, not knowing how to use the meat suit I'm supposed to be in. For me it's like losing integration; and suddenly realizing a total disconnection. It's hard to locate my "self" or consciousness.


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