# For guys/men: why don't guys my own age show interest in me?



## niacin (May 26, 2012)

Im 18 years old, moderately attractive (although I have acne which I cover with makeup), slender build, and a nice personality. I have never ever been hit on by a guy in my age range (18-25). It is usually men ages 38 +. These guys have randomly gone up to me and told me I am beautiful, asked me out, and tried to flatter me. To be honest, it is kind of creepy because they are old enough to be my dad.

Guys my age tend to look right past me in a group of people/other girls. 

Why don't guys my age like me? Don't sugarcoat it. Am I ugly or something?

Oh, and men 18-20ish always show interest in my younger sister who is 13 but looks 17.... :/


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## PeachyAlice (Feb 8, 2012)

It's weird that you say that, because I often have the same problem. Although I've had people my age show interest, a majority of them have been a whole lot older.

Are you mature? Like in your way of acting? Or maybe you just look a bit older and they figure it's okay, they might not realise you're just 18?

I mean honestly, if a guy age 40 is hitting on you, it might be a bit creepy, BUT on the other hand there are a lot of those kinda guys who wouldn't have all too much trouble actually finding a younger girl, so I'd take it as a compliment


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Impossible to say re: looks without a pic. If it's not that, the possibilities are endless, ranging from things you can control (demeanor, where you live/hang out, who you hang out with, etc.) to things you can't (guys are intimidated, guys don't share your interests, etc.).

In what type of setting do you observe other girls being approached but not yourself? Bars? Libraries? School? The subway?


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

As someone who can never get up the courage to even think seriously about approaching a girl and asking her out, I couldn't understand the mindset of the kind of guy that might hit on you. Sorry :/


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

If they are hitting on you regardless of their age, they obviously find you attractive and not ugly.

(Although yes of course people can not get hit on and still be attractive before someone comments on that :b)


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Older men usually are more showing of their emotions. Guys mature slower than girls, so a 30 year old man is about as mature as a 20 year old girl, usually.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> a 30 year old man is about as mature as a 20 year old girl, usually.


That's BS.

I wouldn't call *****y 20-year olds, talking behind each other's back, mature.


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## missingno (Sep 29, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Older men usually are more showing of their emotions. Guys mature slower than girls, so a 30 year old man is about as mature as a 20 year old girl, usually.


Lol I'm glad to know that girls who's hobbies are facebook and shopping are more mature then me.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> Older men usually are more showing of their emotions. Guys mature slower than girls, so a 30 year old man is about as mature as a 20 year old girl, usually.


I love you man, but I'm definitely not buying this.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

TPower said:


> That's BS.
> 
> I wouldn't call *****y 20-year olds, talking behind each other's back, mature.


Yeah - if we're going to rail against stereotypes and generalizations, that one ought to be the first on the list, because it's among the dumbest and least-founded I've ever heard.

Just because mainstream society says it doesn't make it true. I live in a college town packed to the brim with 20-year-old guys _and_ girls. I have yet to see a *shred* of evidence supporting the conclusion WT is promulgating.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

anomalous said:


> Yeah - if we're going to rail against stereotypes and generalizations, that one ought to be the first on the list, because it's among the dumbest and least-founded I've ever heard.
> 
> Just because mainstream society says it doesn't make it true. I live in a college town packed to the brim with 20-year-old guys _and_ girls. I have yet to see a *shred* of evidence supporting the conclusion WT is promulgating.


I'm not sure how that theory still survives. Maybe it goes back to women entering puberty faster than males. But by age 20 that stuff is over.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Well, then let's argue the other point.

Older guys generally have more experience, so they're more bold in going after what they want?


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Because these older guys who hit on girls half their age just wanna get laid. It's almost always the case. Why else would a grown man go after teenagers? Nothing in common, different stage in their lives, etc.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

How are we supposed to tell you if you're ugly if you don't post a pic? You say your sister looks older than her age. Maybe you look older than yours.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

elvin jones said:


> Because these older guys who hit on girls half their age just wanna get laid. It's almost always the case. Why else would a grown man go after teenagers? Nothing in common, different stage in their lives, etc.


This quote is so full of fail, I can't even begin to comment. This quote makes babies cry, it is so full of fail.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Winterstale, you're talking out your arse. That comment is bang on the money.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Because they are hard up and desperate for young p***y.


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## niacin (May 26, 2012)

People think I'm 16-18, so I don't look older than my age. Maybe I'm fugly, idk, but I can't post a picture online due to privacy reasons.

Do you think there's any way I could know what guys around my age are thinking of me? Do you have habits when you talk to ugly/normal/pretty people?

This sounds so 4th grade, I know. One day I feel great, the next I feel hideous. It's as if I am bipolar about my looks.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Maybe it's true, but we all know how judgmental people, especially elvin, are on this forum. 

I closed my thread, because of some dumbarses who ruined the thread for me. Don't let that happen to this girl's thread. She seems like a sweet girl.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Personally, I try to look for more than sex from any female, whether she is 25, 30, or 18. I desire more than sex but sex is a more-than-adequate consolation prize.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Let's get serious...men that are older tend to be more confident. Boys that are just out of their teens, unless they are jocks or something, tend to be unconfident.

That's why you get approached by older guys. Older guys have nothing to lose. Boys are still struggling with growing up.

And maybe you just look approachable?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> Let's get serious...men that are older tend to be more confident. Boys that are just out of their teens, unless they are jocks or something, tend to be unconfident.
> 
> That's why you get approached by older guys. Older guys have nothing to lose. Boys are still struggling with growing up.
> 
> And maybe you just look approachable?


I don't know, you could also say younger guys haven't experienced the let-downs that older guys have.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

srschirm said:


> I don't know, you could also say younger guys haven't experienced the let-downs that older guys have.


But that might be why the older guys are going for younger women? Those women aren't as jaded as younger women.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> But that might be why the older guys are going for younger women? Those women aren't as jaded as older women.


That to me is a great reason for pursuing younger women, from my experience.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Agreed with Elvin, older men generally have lower expectations. The mere fact that you are young is good reason enough for them to want to get with you.



Teenage boys/20 something year olds have slightly higher standards cause they know they are in their prime (in terms of looks and age). Ah 20 something year olds, gotta love them!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

calichick said:


> Agreed with Elvin, older men generally have lower expectations. The mere fact that you are young is good reason enough for them to want to get with you.
> 
> Teenage boys/20 something year olds have slightly higher standards cause they know they are in their prime (in terms of looks and age). Ah 20 something year olds, gotta love them!


That wasn't what elvin was saying...

But I agree with everything you wrote. Older men typically A.) are more confident socially, and B.) aim lower, since they are frustrated with women their own age.

You basically combined both elvin's and my argument into a cohesive argument, which definitely makes a lot of sense.

I doubt that they are always aiming for the younger girls because they are young girls, though. I see a hot girl, and I don't think about whether or not she is 18, 28, or 38...I just see a hot girl. Although some may be.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> But that might be why the older guys are going for younger women? Those women aren't as jaded as younger women.


Is it better to be jaded or bitter?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> Is it better to be jaded or bitter?


Lol, pah-tay-to or pah-tah-to?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> Is it better to be jaded or bitter?


Are you talking about jaded, as in being in bad relationships, or bitter, because nobody will give you a chance?

In that case, it's better to be jaded.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Guys in their late teens/early twenties tend to still be very immature. Most girls in that age range are more mature than the guys. Many girls in that age range seek "older" guys because the guys their own age are so immature. Older guys are attracted to younger women because men are so visually stimulated and the younger girls are more physically attractive.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> That wasn't what elvin was saying...
> 
> But I agree with everything you wrote. Older men typically A.) are more confident socially, and B.) aim lower, since they are frustrated with women their own age.


and C.) looking for sex, because past a certain age, if you're still single, there's a stigma around that. When you're just looking to get laid, you don't really care about anything other than looks. I know a lot of mid 20 year old guys who have high standards in terms of girlfriends, they are just starting their career, graduated college, have such high hopes and ambitions, want that picture perfect lifestyle.

You take an older guy and 9 times out of 10, he just wants to f*k around, my advice for ladies would be to steer clear of these guys (as I have experience with older men), you don't want to waste your time, by the time you know it, you're 35 and still single.

Just my thoughts . . .


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

calichick said:


> and C.) looking for sex, because past a certain age, if you're still single, there's a stigma around that. When you're just looking to get laid, you don't really care about anything other than looks. I know a lot of mid 20 year old guys who have high standards in terms of girlfriends, they are just starting their career, graduated college, have such high hopes and ambitions, want that picture perfect lifestyle.
> 
> You take an older guy and 9 times out of 10, he just wants to f*k around, my advice for ladies would be to steer clear of these guys (as I have experience with older men), you don't want to waste your time, by the time you know it, you're 35 and still single.
> 
> Just my thoughts . . .


Same advice for younger women that date older men...older men should steer clear of these women, because they probably are more judgmental than someone who's older and more mature.

If you meet an older woman who's A.) not jaded, B.) ready and willing for a relationship, and C.) actually likes you for you, you've struck gold.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> Same advice for younger women that date older men...older men should steer clear of these women, because they probably are more judgmental than someone who's older and more mature.
> 
> If you meet an older woman who's A.) not jaded, B.) ready and willing for a relationship, and C.) actually likes you for you, you've struck gold.


Agree with the last part, but I have to add as someone who has dated older men before, I was intrigued by the fantasy of money and status and establishment an older guy had to offer you. I wasn't judgmental at all, older guys should just know that females will use you in the same respect as you use them. (but I know that this doesn't bother the majority of them) It's a two way street.

Anyways, the grey hair was enough for me to be freaked out altogether.

Lol I don't know what I was thinking...Money can definitely shortsight you.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

calichick said:


> Agree with the last part, but I have to add as someone who has dated older men before, I was intrigued by the fantasy of money and status and establishment an older guy had to offer you. I wasn't judgmental at all, older guys should just know that females will use you in the same respect as you use them. (but I know that this doesn't bother the majority of them) It's a two way street.
> 
> Anyways, the grey hair was enough for me to be freaked out altogether.
> 
> Lol I don't know what I was thinking...Money can definitely shortsight you.


I don't see what this has to do with the OP? You're bringing my own thread, that I had closed, into this thread...which is about a girl who wants guys her own age to show interest in her...not older men.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Cletis said:


> Guys in their late teens/early twenties tend to still be very immature. Most girls in that age range are more mature than the guys. Many girls in that age range seek "older" guys because the guys their own age are so immature. Older guys are attracted to younger women because men are so visually stimulated and the younger girls are more physically attractive.


Why do you think most girls in their late teens or early 20s are more mature than their male counterparts? Just curious.


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Why do you think most girls in their late teens or early 20s are more mature than their male counterparts? Just curious.


I'm curious to hear the answer as well.

It seems like some of you are confusing women's habit of looking up in the dating world, and men's habit of looking down as a sign of maturity.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

EastWinds said:


> I'm curious to hear the answer as well.
> 
> It seems like some of you are confusing women's habit of looking up in the dating world, and men's habit of looking down as a sign of maturity.


Yeah could be that, and also women don't talk about sex as much, at least not in mixed company. And somehow being interested in sex is viewed as immaturity.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

niacin said:


> People think I'm 16-18, so I don't look older than my age. Maybe I'm fugly, idk, but I can't post a picture online due to privacy reasons.
> 
> Do you think there's any way I could know what guys around my age are thinking of me? Do you have habits when you talk to ugly/normal/pretty people?
> 
> This sounds so 4th grade, I know. One day I feel great, the next I feel hideous. It's as if I am bipolar about my looks.


Back on topic about the OPs problem--

There's always the hidden tape recorder in the briefcase trick. Ever see that Seinfeld episode where George does that? That might be a bit extreme. Do you have any close friends who can ask discretely? I see a lot of women put profiles on dating sites just to see if guys are interested. Have you tried that? If you get messages from lots of guys your age then you will know it's not your looks. It could be that guys your age are not approaching you because you give some kind of cold unapproachable signals. Many people with anxiety do that. People used to tell me that I looked mean and angry all the time.


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## JGreenwood (Jan 28, 2011)

Older men are usually more brazen and confident that guys who are 18 and so on. Especially when it comes to an 18 year old that they're just trying to hook up with. But that's just like...my opinion man.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

elvin jones said:


> Because these older guys who hit on girls half their age just wanna get laid. It's almost always the case. Why else would a grown man go after teenagers? Nothing in common, different stage in their lives, etc.


Exactly, there's a reason why guys 25+ love to date 18/19 year old girls whereas girls 25+ wouldn't even consider dating an 18/19 year old guy.



Cletis said:


> Guys in their late teens/early twenties tend to still be very immature. Most girls in that age range are more mature than the guys. Many girls in that age range seek "older" guys because the guys their own age are so immature. Older guys are attracted to younger women because men are so visually stimulated and the younger girls are more physically attractive.


So they think they're being mature just because they're dating creepy old dudes who are ultimately only using them for sex? Sound logic.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Why do you think most girls in their late teens or early 20s are more mature than their male counterparts? Just curious.


Girls mature faster than boys.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Because they are hard up and desperate for young p***y.


I think that's right...or they had some experiences and much more confident to approach a young woman. Or maybe older guys love the youthful look..For me I wouldn't date a teen cause I dunno it seems too young and I'm only 22 lol...but they just seem too young for me so I never get why older men would go after them. Maybe cause I'm not a male who knows.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

What are we classifying as 'older man' here? I go by the rule 'Half age + 7' as a general indication of what is acceptable.


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## Sabriella (Nov 23, 2009)

It's the same with me. But I really don't get it, because I look incredibly young for my age. I'm 21, and I've been told I look as young as 13. 

However, one of my friends recently told me that an older man I'd been working with (I think he's in his 50s or 60s) was telling him how much he liked me because I was so much more mature than other girls my age. I'm not sure how true that is, but I guess because I'm more reserved some people might think I'm mature.

So, I don't really have an answer for you, sorry. But you're not alone in this, I can tell you that.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> This quote is so full of fail, I can't even begin to comment. This quote makes babies cry, it is so full of fail.


I don't know why you are so upset about other people's observations. I've read a lot of threads by you on this topic and they all start out by, "I like teenagers because they are less sexually experienced."

Most girls realize when men who are 12+ years older than they are go after much younger girls just for sex.



GD8 said:


> Exactly, there's a reason why guys 25+ love to date 18/19 year old girls whereas girls 25+ wouldn't even consider dating an 18/19 year old guy.
> 
> So they think they're being mature just because they're dating creepy old dudes who are ultimately only using them for sex? Sound logic.


If I was in my 30s I would feel like a real creep trying to date girls who are going to prom. There is no excuse for that kind of garbage.


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## Osito (Apr 25, 2012)

That happens to me too. I think what the poster said about how you carry yourself might have something to do with it. Are you more mature for your age for example? Like me, not to brag or anything but I'm pretty well-read, always trying to learn new things and help in the world. I care about world events. I can also talk to older men like I can't talk to guys my age (or way younger guys whom I also tend to attract but not in a serious way).

Also keep in mind that older guys have had years of experience honing their "girl skills" or whatnot and are past the anxiety stage of guys your age who are still learning to talk to girls. They may still get anxiety but the more they do it, the more it's easier for them and maybe they're just hitting on pretty girls they would've liked to when they were younger. Obviously some of them can be players too, so I don't know.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> Well, then let's argue the other point.
> 
> Older guys generally have more experience, so they're more bold in going after what they want?


Ah...That's a lot better.  And they are ready to "settle down".


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## IllmaticJJ (Dec 29, 2013)

Sometimes you have to go after guys instead of the other way around


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Maybe you're so beautiful you intimidate all guys?


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

I have a similar problem. I get awkwardly stared at by 14-15 year old girls sometimes, and because I look a bit older than I am, on the bus or in the street, I occasionally see girls in their early twenties or so checking me out. But when it comes to 16-18 year olds, nope, nothing. I could might as well be invisible.

But I think some older guys are just desperate. I mean, you're a guy in his twenties or late teens, you don't need to put as much effort in to get a girlfriend or get laid. But the older guys, well, they're just hoping to get lucky, so they just mass hit on every attractive girl they see, hoping one of them will give in.


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

maybe the ones your own age prefer vitamin D.


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