# Unable to make friends because of high standards and niche interests



## topramen (May 8, 2013)

I don't know if my situation is unique but I have trouble making friends because I am so deeply involved in my interests. I like weird stuff, like very experimental and obscure music, films, art, cult animation/anime/comics/manga/games/etc., and I've spent a vast amount of time on the Internet so I've seen/read some things that have been very off-putting.

All this has made me very open-minded so if conversations ever come up about things that most people find "weird", I try to explain _why_ certain people like certain things, or I'll say "I've seen/listened to/read that" and people get really freaked out and make me feel like an outsider.

On top of all that, I like people who can intellectually stimulate me, which makes me sound arrogant and pretentious, but I hate when people say "that's a big word" or ask "what does that word mean?" for words that I personally feel are fairly common (or maybe I'm on the Internet too much).

I don't know how many people are in the same boat, but I *KNOW* people like me exist, I just don't know where to find them. I'm open to online forums and the like but I have yet to make any online friends as well.


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## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

I don't know but you sound like a lot of people I see on the internet. It's a good thing! You're relatable to a lot of people I see. I admire you but you're a little intimidating from just reading this tehehe. Maybe you're not looking hard enough for people to speak to? I feel like there are people all over who can "intellectually" stimulate you.  either that or you need to lower your standards and talk to anyone willing.


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## Telliblah (Sep 19, 2015)

Yeah I feel like this a lot.
I get bored of people very easy. Pretty much all of my friendships ended with me slowly strangling them by not staying in touch.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I also don't like it when people are too different from me that I wouldn't be able to relate to them. This girl I fancied liked rap music, partying, and other activities I didn't like. So it didn't work out between us. They say opposites attract. I don't think so. When someone is different than you in pretty much everything, it would be hard trying to enjoy your time with them.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Basically why i have no friends.

Nothing in common with anyone.


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## christacat (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm the same way, and wonder why I even bother having interests anymore because of it


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

topramen said:


> I don't know if my situation is unique but I have trouble making friends because I am so deeply involved in my interests. I like weird stuff, like very experimental and obscure music, films, art, cult animation/anime/comics/manga/games/etc., and I've spent a vast amount of time on the Internet so I've seen/read some things that have been very off-putting.
> 
> All this has made me very open-minded so if conversations ever come up about things that most people find "weird", I try to explain _why_ certain people like certain things, or I'll say "I've seen/listened to/read that" and people get really freaked out and make me feel like an outsider.
> 
> ...


Kind of like how I am when it comes to liking bizarre things, I sometimes like to ask strange questions, such as "how would you feel if you had 17 noses?" and I like cult movies and old music. I have met people who claimed to like those things too and I met people who claimed they were outcasts like me but they were all lying. In the end they told someone else I was too weird for them and I eventually would find out. I never had a friend be honest with me. I am always outcast. Now in my college I am part of an animation club because I make animations and like to watch them, but even in that club I am outcast, no one talks to me there and people avoid eye contact with me. I am not even trying to make friends in my new college because I am so exhausted of meeting people only for them to get rid of me after a short while.


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## TheSkinnyOne (Sep 17, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Basically why i have no friends.
> 
> Nothing in common with anyone.


Me too :c. I keep saying I'm going to try to keep up with popular stuff but I don't.


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## topramen (May 8, 2013)

I apologize if I'm reviving a dead thread but I actually wasn't expecting people to even respond because I thought I was being so specific haha, but I guess I'm not as different as I think I am.



PrincessV said:


> I don't know but you sound like a lot of people I see on the internet. It's a good thing! You're relatable to a lot of people I see. I admire you but you're a little intimidating from just reading this tehehe. Maybe you're not looking hard enough for people to speak to? I feel like there are people all over who can "intellectually" stimulate you.  either that or you need to lower your standards and talk to anyone willing.


I know, I do see that there are people on the internet like me but I guess I'm even shy on the internet haha. I get intimidated by people smarter than me/more well-versed in the stuff I like (movies, music, etc., making me feel like I don't know enough to talk to them), while at the same time I am aware that I can come off as intimidating as well. I guess it's a little hard to come off as approachable for me also. I mean my standards are pretty low in terms of _just talking_ to people. I have acquaintances at school but no close friends with common interests as niche-y as mine.



Telliblah said:


> Yeah I feel like this a lot.
> I get bored of people very easy. Pretty much all of my friendships ended with me slowly strangling them by not staying in touch.


I guess it's not that I get bored with people, it's just that our topics of conversation are usually surface level. Not that that's always a bad thing, it's just sometimes I want to talk about new albums/movies/games etc. and no one seems to know/be interested in what I'm talking about. But I am extremely guilty of not staying in touch with people for this reason.



Farideh said:


> I also don't like it when people are too different from me that I wouldn't be able to relate to them. This girl I fancied liked rap music, partying, and other activities I didn't like. So it didn't work out between us. They say opposites attract. I don't think so. When someone is different than you in pretty much everything, it would be hard trying to enjoy your time with them.


I agree with this to some extent, but I'm kind of the opposite tho. I like a lot of different things (although specific sometimes) and want to find people as open-minded as me. Like I have a hard time getting along with people who _don't_ like rap music because I listen to just about any genre there is haha, but I agree that opposites don't attract entirely.


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## gheck (Oct 18, 2015)

yeah, my interests are definitely along the more bizarre/obscure/esoteric, etc...

I don't think that that is in itself something that makes it hard to relate with other people, but with SA it almost something to create a divide or something. 

It is pretty difficult for me to have a conversation for longer than 20 or 30 seconds with someone, but if they are talking about noise music, weirdo dumpster performanace art, or obscure private outsider LPs or whatever, they have my ear >>>>>>>


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## topramen (May 8, 2013)

gheck said:


> yeah, my interests are definitely along the more bizarre/obscure/esoteric, etc...
> 
> I don't think that that is in itself something that makes it hard to relate with other people, but with SA it almost something to create a divide or something.
> 
> It is pretty difficult for me to have a conversation for longer than 20 or 30 seconds with someone, but if they are talking about noise music, weirdo dumpster performanace art, or obscure private outsider LPs or whatever, they have my ear >>>>>>>


I agree with what you said about having certain interests not being something that would make it hard to relate to other people because I know there are people who can find ways to relate to other people through this, or so I've observed from afar, but the internet isn't like real life. Like I know in LA there's like a workshop for people who make experimental/noise music who can network with each other. I just wish there was something like that, for, you know, a wide range of obscure interests.

Like I have a feeling people who go to art school are like this, but that's just me running with my imagination (one reason why I think about enrolling in art classes is to solely find people who like weird art; hence, by my logic, will also like weird music/have other weird interests that align with mine). But that's just me being hopeful.


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## Todd124 (Aug 31, 2015)

It's the reason I also have no friends, I get tired of people who I feel offer me nothing in terms of stimulation. 
Social chit chat is okay in short doses but when every conversation you have with someone is the same, then I cut contact. 

Sounds cruel, but in the end even if you try to keep at a friendship which doesn't work then you both drift anyway.


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## SilentRobot (Jun 30, 2015)

Snap. I have zero interest in what other individuals see as "fun" apart from the obvious of course. I'm into my alternative music and I have an obsession with horror films. Some people are perplexed when I tell them but hey, not everyone is the same. I constantly read the Financial Times & the Economist and usually spend my time researching the history behind different cultures and religion. However, I try to maintain any sort of social contact If I see there is at least one thing we have in common. I would say you sound slightly arrogant but I don't know a slight thing about you apart from what you've given away in this thread. I would not say your open-minded though.

Maybe you're judging them too quickly before you form any sort of connection with them? Surely someone you've met has to have at least one thing in common with you?


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

My theory is to conform and be a wannabe be with others to make friends when you're younger. When you become older with a foundation of stable friendships, you can start showing off your niche interests. Others at that older age would probably do the same and allowing you to fit in easier with niche interests once you have reach that age.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I had this problem at high school and in church and at jobs. I felt like i was too weird or that i was dumbing myself down. Then I made decent friends in college. But people move and life just gets muddied. Now it's basically online friends only for me. Which is honestly fine with me for now. I can cast a wider net. I've caught a few mermaids and stuff.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

I feel you, nobody IRL wants to discuss hybristophilia with me. Dorks, who needs 'em?


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

You've got to be able to take interest in things you wouldn't normally be interested in to be able to make conversation with people. Took me a long time to figure that out.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

I know the feeling. Unfortunately, the only person I know with similar interests is my younger brother. It probably helps that I don't feel much anxiety around him so we can talk for a long time without lapsing into awkward silence. I can talk with him all day. Other people, however, not so much . . .


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## xXselfconsciousXx (Oct 6, 2011)

I can definitely relate to this. I'm also a very open-minded person and can understand why someone would enjoy a particular topic that others might view as strange. And in all honestly, I find many small talk conversations to be quite shallow, I guess I'm just not the type of person that's interested in knowing what your favorite restaurant is. I rather ask them about their passions, inspirations, past life experiences, things like that. But I never have the guts to ask people these things during small talk because I fear that they wouldn't be open to talk about it. They would probably view me as a strange interviewer that's trying to ask them deeply personal questions to blackmail them. Anyways, what I'm attempting to state is that I completely understand how you feel. I feel like this a regular basis, like an outsider.


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