# Can I get some help with some social skill building?



## Momir (May 24, 2012)

I'm making a push to develop my social skills over the next few months - speaking to strangers proactively, looking at them directly, starting conversations, etc. Besides posting my progress here, I was also wondering if I could have people checking in on me through email (and vice versa if they desire it). Nothing big, just flashing a reminder to speak with people often, asking about conversations I've had, etc. My goal is to get my surrounding environment to reinforce the skill I want to build.

Would anyone be interested in something like this?


----------



## A SAD Finn (Sep 16, 2007)

Sounds like a great idea. In what kind of setting are you doing this? At work, with strangers at random locations or something else? Are doing some kind of cognitive restructuring at the same time. I guess I'm doing this at work because I basically have to interact with different kinds of people. I try to use CBT-techniques to analyze difficult situations and restructure my thinking to avoid self-defeating patterns and reinforce more accurate and realistic interpretations.


----------



## Momir (May 24, 2012)

At the moment I'm heading around to nearby stores and the nearby mall, etc., to talk to people. I live in the city so there's a lot of places nearby to try it. I'm still not sure how to approach a total stranger yet without coming off as weird, but I've used some ACT techniques before to accept my fear and speak more proactively to employees and such, so it's a start. I've also subscribed to some event newsletters so I can find and practice at social functions.

As for reminders, a daily PM buzz would be good, since I'd be emailed about it instantly and thus be more likely to notice it.


----------



## gilmourr (Nov 17, 2011)

Understand this. It's impossible for it not to be a little bit weird having a random person just talk to you. But unless you're conversation skills are really lacking or you seem unfriendly or crazy, most times the akwardness slowly dissipates. 

I would say don't try and make friends with like strangers though, that is kind of impossible unless it's a recurring thing, like knowing your barber or well, I think you get it.

Also don't try and just go out and formulate conversations randomly and when they don't seem necessary. But you know those times when you should say something or make a joke when u see something but hold back? Do it then. That's the real exposure.

Also go out and join teams or clubs if you want exposure. I see too much of this stuff like trying to pick up in a bar or exposure to places that are akward, one I think was la senza I saw ahah. Expose yourself to normal things and all of this will follow I guarantee. 

BTW, picking up is difficult, and it almost always comes down to 
1.) A nice smile
2.) Handsome
3.) Able to hold a conversation

What makes it so difficult is that you can't change 1 and 2.


----------



## Momir (May 24, 2012)

I just didn't want to jump in doing the really crazy stuff yet. Like, I don't want to go up to random people and start something. But if the situation calls for it, yeah, I want to speak out. Really, it's just making the initial shot that's tough for me, especially when it comes to talking about my skills and abilities.

I've signed up for some event newsletters so I can get notified of things happening around here. Figure I can develop my skills there, too.


----------



## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I think having goals is admirable. I started slow just like, get prettied up and go to the grocery store, and smile at people and be friendly instead of cranking up my iPod to shut out the world to avoid contact.


----------

