# huge age gap...delving into relationship at high speed



## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

Okay...I'm jsut writing to get your impressions and opinions here...lol..

In mid-august I started seeing a dude twenty years my senior. I am turning 21 years old next month. He on the other hand just turned 41 last week...anyway, I'm falling for this guy despite having a long term relationship with the guy I''ve ever often used to mention on the board here...yeah it has been a while lol...

Just within the past hrmmm five months I've been increasingly more attracted to much older guys. :hide Is that something to be ashamed about? I like older guys....anyway ha...

We have an extreme ammount in common...he's into my music taste, which is like mix of old rock and eighteis and nineties grunge and of course the more modern indie scene. He plays tennis and when we play we get some excellent rallys going, he is like on the exact same skill level that I am on lol...we are into the movies and best yet HE'S GOT THE EXACT SAME SENSE OF HUMOR. Which could deffinately be the most important heheh....  And another biggie...we have awesome sex...liek its super awesome and heavenly everytime...Okay onto more interesting speak...

I have had a hunch about it lately...and think I subconsiouly want this relationship because it increases my confidence in social skills. Its like in my mind I feel as if i have to prove those kids I grew up shy around that I am deffinately capable of interesting, fullfilling, educating and incredible conversation with someone much older than they are...is that the reason I like old guys so much??? I have definately wondered alot about that lately .....He like constantly explains how he feels we are on same mental page..we like even finish eachother's sentences and read eachother's minds! Its insane the mental connection that lies beneath what you see! 

Another great aspect is the shock value! You should have seen us kissing and holding hands at hte Big E fair in Massachussettes...Priceless! lol

Okay, so this dude lives an hour north of me, well it only takes an hour driving at speeds of eighty and ninety mph lol...and I see him twice a week, at least once I drive up here adn at least once he drives to my county and we get a hotel room...he's awesome and seems like he desperately wants a deep deep attachment with me...anywho...let me know what u think of this...ha be honest


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## Thunder (Nov 5, 2003)

You have a long term relationship with someone from this board?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Thunder said:


> You have a long term relationship with someone from this board?


I think she means she used to talk about the guy she is currently with on this board.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Thunder said:


> You have a long term relationship with someone from this board?


That's the way I took it.

Anyway, this whole thing sounds really ****ed up.


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

I know a 25 year old with a 40 year old which seems OK and someone around 30 with someone who is 60+ which I admit freaks me out.
If there's an age gap, and is a healthy relationship there should be no problem, but if you are having an affair it worries me.

It also worries me that he has "shock value" like you are more worried about what people think than what he is like and that maybe you are using him to boost your self esteem because of past experiences?
Do you know how he really thinks about you. Does either guy know about the other?
Sorry if I am being harsh or wrong, I'm trying to be helpful.


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## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

I don't see what's so wrong with it. If you both like each other and can connect, then what's the problem?


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

I have no problem with big age gaps. I'm 30 and Brian is 49 for about 2 more weeks, then the big 5-0. Doesn't bother me.


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## DragonFly10 (Sep 29, 2006)

that seems HUGE to me. what do your parents think about this?


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I don't see anything wrong with it. If you're both happy, you shouldn't give a damn about what other people think.


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## Rindy (Aug 11, 2004)

1. when you're 40 and still looking hot, he'll be 60 and looking all old and wrinkly. 

2. The good sex probably won't last.

3. He'll probably die way before you. Is he rich? If he's not, you better pray he doesn't have any debt or you're gonna be left high and dry.

4. Think long and hard about what a 40 year old man is doing with a 21 year old. Yes, you have certain things in common, but being distrustful of men in general, I'm inclined to think he likes being seen with you.

That's enough for me to re-think a relationship, especially if I was only 21. Don't waste your early 20's on serious relationships. Enjoy the sex if you want, but wait a few years to make a decision.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Rindy said:


> 1. when you're 40 and still looking hot, he'll be 60 and looking all old and wrinkly.
> 
> 2. The good sex probably won't last.
> 
> ...


come on! lol

To original poster i think as long as your happy and you mentioned the mental connection and being able to finish each others sentences...i think thats really important in a relationship, if its all physical attraction you won't get much further.

I thought Ashton and Demi made all the weirdness of big age gaps not as weird anymore...

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you're happy


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Becky said:


> I have no problem with big age gaps. I'm 30 and Brian is 49 for about 2 more weeks, then the big 5-0. Doesn't bother me.


*But* you are 30, you have life experience you've been married, you now know what you want as opposed to what you think you want, you've had time to experience life. I doubt, at this stage in life, you would tolerate a certain type of behavior, because you know better.

I married five days after my 18th birthday to a man that was 21 years older than me, I truly FELT it's what I wanted, at the time.........I did, but as I got older and experienced life.........No matter what, I was 18.......I may have been mature, but I was 18, so much of my life was still a head of me.

As I look back, and I now know him as an adult, I have to wonder what the heck he was thinking......Well, he had someone he could control, you name it......What type of man, wants a serious (key word there) with an 18-19 year old girl.........He of all people should know how far you have too go.

There are ALWAYS exception to the rules, always...........But..........If you're going to get serious about someone older than yourself.......Don't do anything rash, take your time, get to know him throughly and live life yourself before you commit to living with someone else who has already live a large part of his life.

Right now, I date on and off a man that is 14 years older than myself, however, I'm old enough to know what I'm getting into......I'm not trying to be insulting to your maturity level, I just want you to enjoy your youth.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

> Think long and hard about what a 40 year old man is doing with a 21 year old. Yes, you have certain things in common, but being distrustful of men in general, I'm inclined to think he likes being seen with you.


Thats my first thought as well. I don't know much about the relationship so I can't say its true, but I know many men go after much younger women as trophies. Keep in mind I'm very mistrusting of people and I've never been in a relationship, but thats my first instinct. I have a cousin who's in his late 30's. He's very charming and popular with women and has no trouble getting sex. He always goes after the younger college age girls too. He's not looking for anything long term either, he just likes fooling around with younger women. Personally I would never go for that much of an age difference. I would limit myself to 8 to 10 years at the most, preferably someone close to my age.
At your age many college guys are interested in getting drunk and laid. I wonder if the reason you are so attracted to this guy is because he's past that stage and shows maturity and stability that men your age don't.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

realspark said:


> Becky said:
> 
> 
> > I have no problem with big age gaps. I'm 30 and Brian is 49 for about 2 more weeks, then the big 5-0. Doesn't bother me.
> ...


Yes. Without a doubt, I agree with that 100%


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Well, I have never been attracted to a man my age. Do what feels right to you. I would date a 40 year old with no hesitation if we shared a connection. Granted, I would probably date a dirty sock if it could talk.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Do whatever makes you happy. If you and this guy are happy with each other go for it. Life is too short.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

I am married to a guy that is 13.5 years older than me. It is by far and away the best relationship I have ever had.

However, I was 32 when we got together. 

If you are happy, go for it.


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## Thunder (Nov 5, 2003)

No matter what you decide, you need to dump the guy you've had the long term relationship with. No one deserves to be played like that. Unless I'm reading it wrong and it's already over.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

.


Thunder said:


> No matter what you decide, you need to dump the guy you've had the long term relationship with. No one deserves to be played like that. Unless I'm reading it wrong and it's already over.


I reread, you read right. I skimmed over that part. Maybe it was written wrong, I've been known to do that from time to time :hide

I also agree.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Well the good news is more than likely this guy isn't going to leave you. He can't do much better than getting a girl that looks young and healthy and will look that way until the day he dies. The bad is related to death. Do you want to be a widow around 45 or 50? Maybe I'm thinking too far into the future but this is one of the main reasons I wouldn't persue a relationship with someone 20 years older than me no matter how great we may click. My opinion is look for a guy that is closer to your age maybe 5- 7 years older. But it's totally up to you.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Rindy said:


> 1. when you're 40 and still looking hot, he'll be 60 and looking all old and wrinkly.
> 
> 2. The good sex probably won't last.
> 
> ...


As shallow as I may seem I agree with you. I was going to say something else but it might come off as me being an ***.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Khyle785 said:


> Its like in my mind I feel as if i have to prove those kids I grew up shy around that I am deffinately capable of interesting, fullfilling, educating and incredible conversation with someone much older than they are...is that the reason I like old guys so much???


It may be the reason you like older men but I don't think it's a very good reason for starting a relationship with them.



Khyle785 said:


> Another great aspect is the shock value! You should have seen us kissing and holding hands at hte Big E fair in Massachussettes...Priceless! lol


That seems a little immature. Sorry if I offend but you asked for opinions.


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

kikachuck said:


> Thunder said:
> 
> 
> > You have a long term relationship with someone from this board?
> ...


Yuppers thats what i meant..hehe..

Yeah sorry the post is ****ed up ...hit back on the browser and lost all i typed up before and i had to re-write it all...and this occurred like 3 am i was dead tired lol...actually its like the same time now but the difference is i took a long nap earlier so i'm more well rested


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

shy_chick said:


> I know a 25 year old with a 40 year old which seems OK and someone around 30 with someone who is 60+ which I admit freaks me out.
> If there's an age gap, and is a healthy relationship there should be no problem, but if you are having an affair it worries me.
> 
> It also worries me that he has "shock value" like you are more worried about what people think than what he is like and that maybe you are using him to boost your self esteem because of past experiences?
> ...


...well i'm not using him i just think he is an awesome fun exceptional person to be around and all the things I mentioned are bonuses on top of that....i think its cool to be out in public with him i have no anxieties whatsoever...i just was bringing up that its fun not anxiety envoking, to be out in public and getting all kinds of repsonses like that ha

the 40 year old deffinately knows i'm in a deep relationship with another guy and supports it completely...what we have is more of a wait and see type of thing ...i think we want to get more serious about eachother i've been planned to ditch Jesse a long friggin time and finding someone else is deffinately a good segway into that....i've once already tried to dump jesse but he wouldn't let me...well i think that it will happen once i find a decent room to rent

..also there is a messege board out there for our type of relationship i've been on there too called agelesslove.com


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

realspark said:


> Becky said:
> 
> 
> > I have no problem with big age gaps. I'm 30 and Brian is 49 for about 2 more weeks, then the big 5-0. Doesn't bother me.
> ...


Thanks that was extremely helpful and yes that was the biggest concern of mine throughout the whole relationship so far...i should probably enjoy my youth while i still ahve it because i'm pretty sure i will miss out and regret down the road...and he encourages that i rethink and rethink and not putting pressure on me to decide anything....i've just gotten so bored of people around my age, esp. the guy i'm with now...he is just a dick...if anything this experience is just slapping me in the face motivating me to jump out of here and be in my own place and find a new guy...


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

> At your age many college guys are interested in getting drunk and laid. I wonder if the reason you are so attracted to this guy is because he's past that stage and shows maturity and stability that men your age don't.


that's a big big big part of it lol


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## sprinter (Nov 22, 2003)

Rindy said:


> 1. when you're 40 and still looking hot, he'll be 60 and looking all old and wrinkly.
> 
> 3. He'll probably die way before you. Is he rich? If he's not, you better pray he doesn't have any debt or you're gonna be left high and dry.


Where are all these 40 year old hot women? No offense to anyone but Hollywood aside I think most people I see, men and women in their 40s are anything but hot looking. :lol As far as him dieing before that's most likely but there are no guarantees, my mom died at 70 and my dad lived to 89.

If this guy is married or divorced you should run away fast Khyle785.


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

Khyle785 said:


> the 40 year old deffinately knows i'm in a deep relationship with another guy and supports it completely...what we have is more of a wait and see type of thing ...i think we want to get more serious about eachother i've been planned to ditch Jesse a long friggin time and finding someone else is deffinately a good segway into that....i've once already tried to dump jesse but he wouldn't let me...well i think that it will happen once i find a decent room to rent


I think if it is over with the first guy you shouldn't hang on waiting to see how it turns out with the older guy. It is unfair on both guys.
It is worrying the the new guy supports you two-timing him. If I was serious about someone and respected them and myself I would wait until the relationship ended before dating them.

The age isn't the problem, it's the situation and whether you are all getting the relationship and self respect you deserve.
I hope you find somewhere to live and sort it all out.
All the best :hug


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## odun (Nov 9, 2003)

> And another biggie...we have awesome sex...liek its super awesome and heavenly everytime...Okay onto more interesting speak...


well, there you go. id imagine this 'dude' is primarily interested in that. i cant imagine what post-coitus activities you all engage in.

seriously, no offense...but you continually refer to him as 'dude'. that shows your age. im only 29 and i dont want to be called 'dude' by anyone.

so, yeah, that age gap may become a problem.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Khyle785, does this man have children? If so, what are their ages? If not, does he want children?


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## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

shy_chick said:


> Khyle785 said:
> 
> 
> > the 40 year old deffinately knows i'm in a deep relationship with another guy and supports it completely...what we have is more of a wait and see type of thing ...i think we want to get more serious about eachother i've been planned to ditch Jesse a long friggin time and finding someone else is deffinately a good segway into that....i've once already tried to dump jesse but he wouldn't let me...well i think that it will happen once i find a decent room to rent
> ...


I totally agree. Has the older guy asked you to move in with him, at least temporarily until you find a place to rent out? I find it is so weird that this man supports you cheating on your current boyfriend. That fact alone has the 'WTF?' factor written all over it.


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## Fallout (May 26, 2006)

hes a lucky guy


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

realspark said:


> Khyle785, does this man have children? If so, what are their ages? If not, does he want children?


nope no children...he never was married but had long term relationships previously


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

Thanks for all helpful advice. I'll break it off soon i really was just doing it for the experimentation always have had fantasies being with an older guy. But yes you all have been extremely helpful and will take all advice into consideration...see i'm still socially anxious and dont have an incredible ammount of people to converse with on such topics as these so that is why i've chosen to share with the board...thanks for the help and acknowledgement it means a lot to me guys, 
good nite, 
Kye <3


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## Khyle785 (Nov 5, 2004)

Redox said:


> shy_chick said:
> 
> 
> > Khyle785 said:
> ...


He supports it because he's fallen crazy in love with me lol..but respects me so much not to pressure me into anything and I guess he realizes himself that its probably not the best set up for me and that it will probably be only temporary and doesn't want me to sabatoge my current situation. His own younger sister is actually married to a man who is 59 she is 34 so its a similar circumstance. They were married since she was in her mid-twenties...I guess that's why he's quite lenient about everything....anyway...yeah I was thinking WTF too lol...


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