# Psychology of a two-faced roomate?



## strangeness23 (Jan 22, 2015)

I just wanted people's opinions about this; basically why would a person invite you to come to her room to talk about a roommate you live with, and then go tell her all the s*** that you were saying?...when she in fact initiated the whole thing, and even said worse things than you? 

Is it some sort of power trip, or just for entertainment? 
She told her all this when I was not there, which meant I couldn't possibly tell her those facts that I mentioned. When the roommate found out what I said, she didn't speak to me for days and then we started yelling. 

Here's where it gets worse: the roommate who got mad at me first said she OVERHEARD it. And that's what I thought for six months until I found out that my roommate had actually told her. So all of that time we were yelling and I was threatening to move out- how hurt we both were over the things that I said and her coldness toward me- my roommate just watched and enjoyed it. She almost ended our friendship and hurt us. And didn't even have the balls to admit that she caused this!
I know I'm in the wrong, that I shouldn't have even talked s*** about my friend to begin with. But the truth is that she created an environment for me to do this. She initiated it, and I felt comfortable for that reason. 
She went and told her all this like a saint, as if she would have never had done such a thing in her life. It's one thing if she didn't talk s*** and just listened, and then told her all this out of loyalty. It's a whole other thing if she participated equally. Like who was she to tell her, when she started the whole conversation? 

What did she think would have happened? Did she think that my roommate would shrug, and then eventually forgive me? Did she actually think that my roommate had WANTED to hear it? There was a reason I said it in private.


I've seen her do similar things through the years. There was this other argument that we got into (me and the roommate I said things about) where she was running back and forth in between us siding with each of us separately, telling us contradicting stories. Like telling her that I'm crazy, and then going up to me and convincing me that she is on my side and that my roommate has all these bad qualities and that that's why the whole fight had started. My roommate caught her in the act and called her out on all that bull****. That was also when I found out that she *told* her. It was just a shock, to be honest.


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## burningpile (Feb 14, 2014)

Oh...tell your friend why you said those things


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## strangeness23 (Jan 22, 2015)

Well it didn't really seem like my friend even wanted to know why I said it. She didn't ask for an explanation. The opinion that I had was just harsh and upset her.
Everyone's allowed to have one, and I know that she has plenty of negative opinions about me and the choices I make and whatnot. You can't just say to someone, "No you're not allowed to think this." If that's what she thinks, then that's her perception. My bad, I said it out loud. What I don't understand is why my roommate went out of her way to *tell* my friend something she wasn't supposed to hear, when she said plenty of bad things about her as well. What's the motive?
As for telling my roommate how much all this irks me, she has been doing these things for a while. I don't even think there's a point. I just never got over the fact that she told her. I guess that my question is why would she do this?


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## CatThatWalkedByHimself (Jan 18, 2015)

She doesn't like you or your friend, or both. She's playing you against each other in hopes that one of you leaves.

Standard Machiavellian play.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

You might go insane trying to figure this out. Just watch who you say what to. Most things you say to people are not guaranteed to be private, especially if they're juicy.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

lexinator7 said:


> I just wanted people's opinions about this; basically why would a person invite you to come to her room to talk about a roommate you live with, and then go tell her all the s*** that you were saying?...when she in fact initiated the whole thing, and even said worse things than you?
> 
> Is it some sort of power trip, or just for entertainment?
> She told her all this when I was not there, which meant I couldn't possibly tell her those facts that I mentioned. When the roommate found out what I said, she didn't speak to me for days and then we started yelling.
> ...


She's insecure and because of that, she seeks control and power by playing people against each other. She likes to stir the pot and create chaos. I've seen this type of personality many times, they're all the same-manipulative.
You made a mistake feeding into it. If you can, cut this person out of your life. She will not stop and will only think of more creative ways to create drama in your life.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I see this a lot. It's just a classic case of your roommate trying to climb up the social ladder amongst the roommates by trying to rouse up conflict by manipulating, probably because she's socially insecure.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Maybe shes being *****y, maybe she just blurted it out without thinking, maybe she's resentful of you. I'd talk it out with her if you can


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## strangeness23 (Jan 22, 2015)

I think you guys are right- it really is a creative tactic to get on people's sides. I'd always thought that if someone was insecure they would try to win people's respect by baking them cookies or inviting them out. She tries to win people's trust by siding with all of them at the same time, and even convincing them that she sees eye to eye. Creates an environment for people to open up, and then uses what they tell her against them to take another person's side. 
*sigh* so these things actually happen IRL


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