# If you get asked out, why do you turn the person down?



## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

I notice a theme on here of people getting asked out but turning the people who ask them out down.

Why is that?

That is, other than not wanting to.


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

In order to spare them the disappointment of having to spend more the 30 seconds in my presence. I think sometimes people think this guy is quiet maybe if I can get him to open up a little he'll be interesting. The answer is no.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Because I don't want to go out with them. Why give another answer if that's how I feel?


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

As a guy, I've never been asked out. 

The type of girls that find me attractive are the ones that are never my type, so hypothetically speaking if they were to ask me out, I'd turn them down for that reason alone. And the girls I find attractive would want nothing to do with me, so yeah...


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

I've turned guys down because I wasn't into them or they were a jerk. For some reason I get lots of guys who think that I'll be able to support them financially or something and I don't have that much money myself, so what do I want to support them for? 
Men and women should support themselves. It's not their partner's job to do that.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I only been on blind dates and I wasn't really attracted to them so that is why.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Mainly for the reason of social anxiety and not being very good at talking.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I find it creepy to be asked out by people I don't know at all.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

If I am asked out by someone and don't want to go, I usually tell them that I will be super busy the next couple of weeks and than invite them to my church or ask them to help me with something or look over a paper ( when I was in school) I just offer an alternative so it is not really turning them down.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Honestly, there are a host of reasons. Sometimes it's because of how they look or how they act. Sometimes it's because they are too busy or not busy enough. The last girl I was dating said we had "no connection". Depends on what we want emotionally, physically and sometimes spiritually. The point is, it's different for everyone.

Now for me...

I'm both a physical and a personality guy. If the girl looks attractive to me but her personality is not favorable then it usually doesn't work out. Even if the girl is OK looking, she can have a great personality and I'll want to date her. I've been turned down plenty of times so I see no harm in only going after what you want. After all, I'm learning that's just dating and it comes with the territory.


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## Graye (Jan 21, 2009)

One time I refused because I was naive, and completely oblivious. In addition, my comfort zone is in the 'stay away from people and don't get close' area, so it's instinctual for me to make up an excuse.

The second time, I knew, then got freaked out and stopped talking to the person.


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## Metallic (Apr 6, 2009)

In high school I didn't like myself at all and the idea of someone liking me, a person I hated, bothered me. I didn't want to be with someone that liked a person I couldn't stand. I like the feeling of being in a relationship, but I have a really hard time opening up to others, which is why I try to avoid going out with people.

Then again, sometimes I just don't want to go out with them and that's fine too... although I'm too much of a wuss to be blunt about it. Instead I ***** foot around a rejection.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

i don't even let guys ask me out. i don't talk to them because i'm afraid they won't like me, and if they DO like me i won't know what to do, so preventing it from getting that far is safer and less painful.


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## Jessie160 (Jun 11, 2009)

I just always say no because I think it might just be a joke or a dare and I'll end up embarresed....

Guys have asked me out as a joke on more than one occasion.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

Futures said:


> As a guy, I've never been asked out


I think it's supposed to be our job....yes i'm just saying that because i've never been asked out it seems that girls prefer to avoid me.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I think the last three times I was asked out it was by two girls who were totally incompatible with me altogether (have no idea why either wanted to go out with me) and the third was a dude (well he didn't ask me out directly but strongly hinted at it and made it known he liked me) and I'm not into dudes. Those were all a couple years ago and I can't really think of any other time when someone asked me out.


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## User57854 (Dec 26, 2006)

-


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

The guys who seem interested in me are usually not the ones I'm attracted to...if they are attractive (personality wise as well) I feel really insecure and intimidated.


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## espearite (Jan 2, 2009)

Usually it's never really the right situation, he lives too far, he's a pervert, he's not attractive (in my high school days), he's taken, always taken, etc, etc. It's having SA, the situation of being isolated, and my only means of communication to the outside world being through the net, that is my problem. I hope this is going to change for me soon, however.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

espearite said:


> Usually it's never really the right situation, he lives too far, he's a pervert, he's not attractive (in my high school days), he's taken, always taken, etc, etc. It's having SA, the situation of being isolated, and my only means of communication to the outside world being through the net, that is my problem. I hope this is going to change for me soon, however.


I definately hear you. Seriously for me if its not one of those things its they were in jail or abused a former g/f (restrainnig order, etc). Haha. I don't get it at all.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

If you know you're not interested in the person, what's the point? You'd just eventually have to dump them anyway or tell them you're not interested. So it'd be easier to make excuses, or tell them you don't wanna date anyone right now or something, than to wait and go on a few dates with them and THEN tell them. 
If I turn anyone down I have a good reason- I just don't like the person that way. Or maybe we have nothing in common. And I usually know from the start if I'm attracted to someone or not.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

Shauna The Dead said:


> If you know you're not interested in the person, what's the point? You'd just eventually have to dump them anyway or tell them you're not interested. So it'd be easier to make excuses, or tell them you don't wanna date anyone right now or something, than to wait and go on a few dates with them and THEN tell them.
> If I turn anyone down I have a good reason- I just don't like the person that way. Or maybe we have nothing in common. And I usually know from the start if I'm attracted to someone or not.


I agree with you.

Its better to do that up front, you just hurt the person more in the long run and waste both of your time if you go on a few dates and then tell them its not working.

I thought thought that some people might turn others down in person because of their anxiety and fear of rejection. I think if someone I really really liked in the real world asked me out at this point I would probably turn them down for both those reasons. I guess maybe I should have worded my question differently.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

This is an interesting thread,

I've not been asked out but I think if I were asked out & turned someone down my anxiety would likely have a large role in it. I wouldn't want to prove to be a disappointment(boring, insecure, etc). I'll also note that a stunningly attractive gal with an unpleasant personality is very much a turn off for me & rather quickly masks their physical beauty to me


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

If I'm interested in them, I'd go out with them. If not, I wouldn't. Simple as that.


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

*Very good thread!*

The last time I turned someone down was because he never asked me out directly. He talked to all his buddies and everyone I knew about me and embarrassed the hell out of me. I couldn't stand the fact that everybody would be "watching" us and gossiping.

The funny thing is, if he would have just talked to me privately I probably would have gone out with him.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

With the great exception of one drunken fool who cornered me at a party and became convinced we were in love or something and scared me half to death, I've never been asked out seriously (in middle school as a joke, yeah), I'm *always* the one turned down.


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## VivaLaVida (Apr 22, 2009)

Being a guy, I've never actually turned anyone down, but I was setup with a perfect opportunity back in the fall to get that first date. (For the record, I ended up sort of getting my feet tangled with this girl (not a euphemism) on the other team during a softball game and I helped her up and all and she came up to me after the game and started talking to me. PLUS, I had brought the team snacks for after the game). She wasn't by any means unattractive, it's just that it seems you would want some sort of spark or something, even when going for a date.


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## justforester (Jun 17, 2009)

Jessie160 said:


> I just always say no because I think it might just be a joke or a dare and I'll end up embarresed....
> 
> Guys have asked me out as a joke on more than one occasion.


Wow that's horrible. What A-holes!! I would personally punch them in the face if I saw someone doing that to a girl just for laughs. I know what you mean though. One of the most popular girls in my school asked me to prom and I assumed she was setting me up for humiliation or an insult so i just froze and didn't even look at her. She was serious about it and wanted to go with me. So it sucks. She was quite pretty and extremely outgoing. It F-ing sucks.

And I haven't even been asked out as a joke, i'm just really insecure.


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

Because they're bleeding from the brain and need urgent medical attention.


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## Chiro2b2 (Mar 29, 2009)

Because I don't know how to say yes. For some reason, saying yes scares me.

I usually just fall into my dates.


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

*1) Because they are guys. I'm a lesbian and I have no interest in dating guys so...yeah, haha.
2) Because I am in love with someone.
- Lately, though, I have been accepting just dates with girls. I want to go out, hang out with people. And I don't mind giving them a chance since I'm not gonna be with the person I'm in love with. I just tell them not to expect anything.*


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

alwasy been a variation of the following reason: if i know nothing about the person, and feel no attractive to their personality or appearance.

i can definitely see myself turning someone down i liked because of SA. i really hope it wouldn't' come to that.

well one of the last times a guy asked me out afteward i thought i might enjoy getting to know him but in the mood i was in i just wanted to be left alone on the bus to listen to my music so i just tried to end the conversations after declining giving my number to him.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

As, a guy.. I was asked out once.. and that was how I was luvky enough to have a date to the graduation ball.

Personally, I feel I have a wide threshold to what I find attractive. If a girl asked me out, I am pretty sure it will be someone that I liked.

But of course, as we know.. unless you are Bruce Wayne, the woman never asks you out.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I haven't been asked out that many times but when i do & i like the person too I say no


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

aye, I got asked out by a person before and got freaked out but said yes and looked like a fool for not knowing any better


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## lemphe (Jul 3, 2009)

Because i can't date. The thought of going on a date with someone panics me to the point that i'll just turn down guys i'm interested in, i'd be so quiet and awkward and it just wouldn't be fun for me.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I've never been asked out, and I don't picture it happening any time soon. I probably come off as too standoffish. I've passively ignored people flirting with me. Part of it is me being too nervous or awkward to make a move and part of it is other reasons. If someone asked me out though, I'd have to not be attracted to them mentally or physically to turn them down. Depends on the person and situation I suppose...


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

My Social Anxiety is bad and I have no job. Even if I was attracted to him, I would have to say no.


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## reify (May 16, 2009)

How many times have I made things awkward by pushing people away so as to avoid situations that might be awkward? Too many **** times. I do it without even thinking about it or realizing it. I wish there was a way to break in and stop myself but it is my panicky instinctual reaction and often don't even realize what I've done until the person has left and I've calmed down. Sigh.


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## dreamer222 (Jan 26, 2008)

/


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

If I'm not attracted to the person it's that...if the person is attractive it's out of fear and insecurity.


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## sb408 (Jul 12, 2009)

usually if i'm out at a bar/lounge with some friends i'll be drinking/trying to socialize ....girls will give me their number or ask for mine...but then it's like the next day it never seems to work out because I feel like they won't accept me in "everday life" ..i know it sounds dumb but thats how it is for me usually. i know bars aren't the best place for meeting women... its just less tense for me at least


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## northernlight (Jul 12, 2009)

I know exactly what you mean about 'everyday life' man, it's like in a bar everyone is there to have fun and enjoy themselves, though outside of that environment it's up to you to bring that entertainment. That's a big part of why I end up turning people down too, I'm not the type to be able to do that .. that and the fact that my comfort zone has gotten beyond comfortable now, I'm just too afraid to step out and try.


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