# 'You're so quiet!'



## livbrew (Jun 4, 2015)

One thing that annoys me the most is when people say 'you're so quiet, do you ever talk?' I never know how to respond to this and so many people have said this to me. I am majoring in social work so I am around a bunch of extroverted people. They all think it is so strange that I am so quiet. If some of them could hear themselves talking they wouldn't talk so much. 


Does anyone else get stupid comments from people like this?


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

All.
The.
****ing.
Time...


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## livbrew (Jun 4, 2015)

Makes me hate people even more when they make stupid comments like that to me.


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## noctilune (Jun 8, 2015)

I get a lot of that, or "Smile! You need to smile more!"


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## Furiosa (Jun 2, 2015)

Yes, all the time and it really ****ing annoys me when people mention it! I find it very rude actually, I mean you wouldnt turn around to someone and say god your so fat arent you, do you ever stop eating, or something to that effect. People dont realise that by saying that to someone it usually causes them to feel very uncomfortable and clam up even more.


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## Andras96 (Mar 28, 2014)

Yeah, I used to get comments like that. Now, people just don't acknowledge me at all.


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## Peighton (Jun 12, 2015)

"That's the first time I've heard you talk this whole time!" which used to always make me go quiet again because of how big a deal they'd make it out to be.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I got this all the time when I was in school. If they only knew I had SA. I don't get out much now.


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

Normies are able to calculate what's odd from their low perception.

Everybody that has SA have Reality perception, and will get their inner thoughts hurt, because of the unnecessary remarks from normies. 

The governments damn straight know about it, so they gave us antidepressants to keep are perception stable, and open up ports into a subconscious to give feedback to their alien scientist & human scientist on how to cure it.


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

Depending on how they say it and what context, it's often just people's attempt to be nice who probably haven't heard of SA or don't know what's going in our heads. Sometimes people say it stupidly, but I try to use it as an invitation to talk more if I think it's worth it and they generally haven't shown contempt yet.


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## carolina3298 (Oct 2, 2014)

I hate that, they think everyone must be loud like them


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

People that arent constantly flapping their mouths are sadly quite an abnormality.. makes it hard for us to go unnoticed.. somewhat ironically.


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## drown (Jun 15, 2015)

So often it drives me mad! Everyone's like: "You should talk more! Just say whatever you're thinking right now." And I'm like: "But I literally have nothing to say now..." People don't believe me but it really is like that. There are moments in life when I might be thinking something but I couldn't explain anyone what I was thinking about because it's such a mess! 

I love being around talkative people though and I think I'm a pretty good listener. Just why can't they understand that not everybody has to be a social butterfly?:doh


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## clreamscapes (Jun 20, 2015)

This doesn't happen to me much, but I hate how it shows the extent to which society thinks extraversion should be the default for everyone. :/


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## springseternal (Mar 10, 2014)

Yeah, it's extremely irritating. It's all good and well for them to tell us about how 'mute' we all are, but God forbid we turn to them and say, 'My God, you're so loud'. 
To be honest, it is a weird question in itself. How can you respond to someone asking why you're so quiet? It almost seems like they want to be intimidating. Idk.


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## notacreativeusername (Jun 7, 2015)

Yes.All the time.It is so annoying when someone asks me that.The worst part is,I have no idea how to respond.Which only makes me look more awkward then I already am.
438


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

'So?'


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

I've always found this incredibly arrogant, the idea that if someone doesn't have anything to say to _me_ then they must have some kind of pathological aversion to verbal communication. **** off.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

No it seems like everyone is exceedingly polite and patient with me, even when I'm clearly really struggling to get my thoughts across. Maybe they're just really cool people. I wanna be like them.

Telling someone they're so quiet is pretty insensitive though. Even if I could see they were joking it would still sting.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

One time during roll call or something a girl said, in front of the whole class, "why does she never talk?" and then another kid replied, "why do you _always_ talk?" and honestly that was the most socially heroic thing anyone's ever done for me.


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## Themis (Sep 18, 2013)

People used to say that a lot, and outside of my group of friends, I usually just end up saying something along the lines of "oh, I'm just trying to think of the best way to get your pancreas without you noticing" because I am a diabetic and now that I've left home my SA has eased enough for me to do this. They don't usually ask after that. C:


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

noctilune said:


> I get a lot of that, or "Smile! You need to smile more!"


I get that a lot sometimes i just feel like telling them "look when im happy ill smile, but til then f*uck off"


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

i don't get this much anymore. people don't talk to me at all these days. i guess it's fine. at least it's a potential embarrassment ("you're so quiet") avoided.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

noctilune said:


> I get a lot of that, or "Smile! You need to smile more!"


I seriously hate people that tell others to smile. Just becasse you're positive and happy in life doesn't mean you need to ****ing shove it down everyone elses throats. You're happy? Great for ****ing you, go smile all you want. I'll smile when I'm happy as well. Until then, you can kindly sod off...

God I hate optimistic normies. They're freaking equal to religious nuts. They shove their damn beliefs down everyone's throats and if they don't conform to them they make you feel as though you are inferior to them. *That's what normies are. ****ing religious cultists. *


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

worst is when ur in a group and ur all quiet
and then they initiate a story telling competition..

do i hate that or what?


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## vienuma (Jul 23, 2014)

"You're so shy/quiet.", "Why are you so quiet?", "You seem so nervous.", "Why don't you smile?", "Are you sad?"... I got these from time to time and it makes me hate myself, crawl back into my comfort zone, etc. Yeah, I know I'm shy, quiet and whatnot. It's so obvious. Why do some people need to emphasize that?


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## AnonymousPersonG (Nov 5, 2014)

I get the occasional "why are you quiet?" or "why did you stop talking?" at my school. I usually dont reply or say some simple one-word answer. Why do they even bother asking? It's not like they care.


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

My band teacher said that I needed to smile and talk more in front of the whole class of 50 people. Yea, it was hella embarrassing but I didn't think much of it because I get that comment practically all the time.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

Yea...was asked that today actually. "Why are you being so quiet?...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tiffiduliu (Jul 7, 2014)

Op, this means you lack adequate social skills for your age. You need to talk to people more even if they call you quiet. The more you talk to people and increase your conversationalist skills, the less often you will hear people call you quiet. Because you would have become socially experienced.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Tiffiduliu said:


> Op, this means you lack adequate social skills for your age. You need to talk to people more even if they call you quiet. The more you talk to people and increase your conversationalist skills, the less often you will hear people call you quiet. Because you would have become socially experienced.


I don't know about you, but talking to a bunch of strangers that already have a negative opinion of me while having *social anxiety *is a pretty ****ing hard thing to do :surprise:


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## Tiffiduliu (Jul 7, 2014)

iCod said:


> I don't know about you, but talking to a bunch of strangers that already have a negative opinion of me while having *social anxiety *is a pretty ****ing hard thing to do :surprise:


YOU'RE RIGHT. It's gonna be hard.

But just because something is hard, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

If the slaves thought fighting the civil war was TOO HARD, THERE WOULD STILL BE BLACK SLAVES!

If Barack Obama thought becoming President was too hard, he wouldn't be President.

Sometimes doing hard things pays off. And the hard thing is the next step.

You're either going to DO as I told you and improve your conversational level by talking to people more until you're at the same level as everyone else.

Or for the rest of your life, you will continue to cry about how you suck at conversations/socializing and you are always told that you're quiet.

The choice is yours. Do or die.


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## fowlpf5251 (Mar 15, 2015)

*Me, Quiet? Heavens, no!*

What me? get called quiet? never
Only every single day of my life! And usually I get called out with a huge crowd and get put on the spot. It's great.
How I sometimes reply:
*Yes I am quiet maybe you should try it sometime
*My parents taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all
*(I pretend to not speak English, it's even better when my friends go along with it)
*Would you prefer my to be an arrogant big-mouth who has to mindlessly chatter about every goddamn thing? Didn't think so.
*(Ignore them)
***** YOU


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## Plasma (Aug 6, 2013)

All the time.
This happened more often in middle school than in high school, now people just oddly stare at me now. 

I guess the majority of society likes loudness, because they can never settle for quietness that's for sure.


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## ichibei (May 19, 2015)

This girl said hello to me and I hi quietly, she walked past and shouted at me saying "you do know you have to say hello back!"

She also called me distant hah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livbrew (Jun 4, 2015)

Tiffiduliu said:


> YOU'RE RIGHT. It's gonna be hard.
> 
> But just because something is hard, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
> 
> ...


This is perfect.


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

livbrew said:


> One thing that annoys me the most is when people say 'you're so quiet, do you ever talk?' I never know how to respond to this and so many people have said this to me. I am majoring in social work so I am around a bunch of extroverted people. They all think it is so strange that I am so quiet. If some of them could hear themselves talking they wouldn't talk so much.
> 
> Does anyone else get stupid comments from people like this?


Yes and people also tell me to smile more in a very patronizing tone. When I was younger I sometimes would growl or meow at the annoying people who said those things to me and they would get scared and walk away


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I've learned to accept that people will never stop asking me this question. One less thing to worry about.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

I've gotten this my whole life. There was this one time we had a group project in my journalism class and when everyone heard my voice in the video, this one girl asked who's it was. One of my partners annoyingly pointed at me 2 seconds after that and yelled out it was mine, so she said "Oh, I didn't know because she never talks!" It was bad enough my voice sounded so embarrassing. :hide

I also got asked "Do you talk at home?" in 6th grade and I wanted to punch the girl in the face so bad. Could that question be any more rude? Also "Can you talk?" never made sense to me, because how the hell do you expect me to reply if you think I can't..


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## Tiffiduliu (Jul 7, 2014)

VaderEL said:


> I've gotten this my whole life. There was this one time we had a group project in my journalism class and when everyone heard my voice in the video, this one girl asked who's it was. One of my partners annoyingly pointed at me 2 seconds after that and yelled out it was mine, so she said "Oh, I didn't know because she never talks!" It was bad enough my voice sounded so embarrassing. :hide
> 
> I also got asked "Do you talk at home?" in 6th grade and I wanted to punch the girl in the face so bad. Could that question be any more rude? Also "Can you talk?" never made sense to me, because how the hell do you expect me to reply if you think I can't..


The only way to overcome this is to talk more, force yourself to. The more you talk, the better you become at doing it.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

Tiffiduliu said:


> The only way to overcome this is to talk more, force yourself to. The more you talk, the better you become at doing it.


Yeah, you're right. I feel like I've gotten better at it these past few years, due to starting to interact with some of my classmates, but I still have trouble approaching alot of people first. It's relatively easy for me to talk after that, I just don't know how to start the conversation and/or am worried they'll just ignore me or won't care. It's happened alot, I try to say something and the person would act like I wasn't even there. That kind of makes me give up on trying in the first place.


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## indiscipline (May 24, 2015)

Tiffiduliu said:


> The only way to overcome this is to talk more, force yourself to. The more you talk, the better you become at doing it.


It's true. Some people obviously just have it in them right from the get-go, but it really is something that can be worked on. I was shy when I was a kid, but I didn't really mind because most of my interests were introverted anyway. Eventually I decided that I had to try and interact more with people around me, so I did, and I improved a lot just over the course of my first three years in jr high.

I think it's about finding yourself "in it" until it's part of routine, and by then it'll feel more and more estranged from whatever intimidating image of interactions you might have had prior. I'm still shy, and I don't really like being center of attention, but I'm comfortable and not at all awkward about it because I know that I'm fully capable of making conversation if I "want to". So yeah, my abilities changed. Personality didn't, though. :eyes


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## Sabreena (Feb 17, 2012)

Tiffiduliu said:


> Op, this means you lack adequate social skills for your age.


That's not a very nice thing to say. Obviously, OP is asking for sympathy, and came to this forum, one of the few places where people can find others who are going through the same things, to get it. You don't need to remind someone who's already suffering from anxiety of their insecurities when they already hear it everyday.

See, OP, guys like this demonstrate that the world is full of people who like to tear holes in your self-esteem. That's why you have to develop your own confidence. Some people who say "You're so quiet" ARE doing it to bring you down and bring their own egos up in the process. But others (especially extroverts) just don't get it, and think they're sooo original by pointing out this aspect of your character.

Either way, it's annoying. Normally, I just brush it off with sarcasm ("Am I really? I never noticed.") or just ignore it completely. Rock that quietness. You are who you are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Perspicacious (Jun 28, 2015)

DrKitty said:


> Goodness! I get this allllll the time. I've gotten: "Why are you so quiet?" "How come she doesn't talk?" "I've never heard her say a word before." "Are you this quiet at home?" "She doesn't talk." "She's so quiet. "
> 
> My therapist once told me to just respond with, "Cause I don't have anything to say at the moment. " I've never tried this though.


Your therapist was right. I've been getting the same goddamn question all the time and my only spontaneous response is "I don't have anything to say" or "What do you want me to say?" or "Let's talk then!" Haha.

Wish I had a therapist to guide me through this but meh I'm all on my own, never complained about my **** to anyone.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I like thinking up of *****y remmarks I should've said when those stupid normies ask me that question.
"Why are you so loud?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
"Okay, you're point being?...Exactly. Sod off, normie."
"You don't see me asking why you're such a big-mouthed ***************"
hehe...


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## Tiffiduliu (Jul 7, 2014)

Sabreena said:


> That's not a very nice thing to say. Obviously, OP is asking for sympathy, and came to this forum, one of the few places where people can find others who are going through the same things, to get it. You don't need to remind someone who's already suffering from anxiety of their insecurities when they already hear it everyday.
> 
> See, OP, guys like this demonstrate that the world is full of people who like to tear holes in your self-esteem. That's why you have to develop your own confidence. Some people who say "You're so quiet" ARE doing it to bring you down and bring their own egos up in the process. But others (especially extroverts) just don't get it, and think they're sooo original by pointing out this aspect of your character.
> 
> ...


It's only "not nice to say" if the person who I'm saying it to is "weak willed" or not mentally tough. If you were to tell someone like me that I'm quiet, it wouldn't bother me.

But tell a mentally weak person and it does. In order to develop mental toughness, OP must develop confidence and social calibration. And the first way for OP to develop both is to accept the fact that OP doesn't have both therefore reminding OP that they are QUIET will motivate OP to develop confident and social skills.

If no ONE reminds OP of their weakness then they will never be motivated to change for the better. Therefore, letting someone know their weakness isn't always a bad thing.

Years ago when I was younger and people told me that I was quiet or being awkward, if they never told me those things, I probably would still be quiet or awkward.

It's like not telling an actor/performer that their performance was bad and that they have nothing to improve on.

Feedback hurts but it can be for the better.


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## Ella Shae (Sep 1, 2014)

I get this all the time and it usually just ends with us awkwardly standing there because I dont know what to say. But if someone says this to me then it is an almost guarantee that I wont like them


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## peepnike (Jul 12, 2015)

Hearing this is kind would be upsetting for me. I would just ignore this. Keep your focus


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## thebigofan (Dec 27, 2014)

People said that me all the time doing school. "you're so quiet!", "come on, you should talk more". It really made my SA worse when people say these things.


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## pastelouise (May 22, 2015)

I get this told to me all the time. Usually when they ask me why it just ends up with me replying with an awkward "um.. I don't know" and my face going red. I don't see how telling me i"m so quiet is going to help me at all. Also, it annoys and hurts me even more when people talk about me being quiet right in front of me as if i'm not even there. Like, I may not talk much but I also have ears.


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## boring1 (Jul 16, 2015)

This is extremely annoying and quite frankly rude.
What must go through someone's mind to say this?


If someone is quiet, they obviously can't or don't want to talk. So what are you trying to do by telling them that they don't talk.. get them to talk when they clearly don't want to (or can't)?

****ing idiots.


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## lockS (Sep 15, 2011)

I often get this too. Why should I explain WHY I'm quiet though?

What bugs me the most is when a friend says it to me. They know I'm pretty outgoing around them. So at times when I feel very anxious and don't say much, they ask me: Is something wrong with you? I don't even know what to say anymore. They clearly see something's wrong with me.


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

I get that all the time, and people assumed that I'm crazy or slow in the brain.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

It's not going to stop no matter how much we complain about it until there is a large scale movement that educates people on comments like these. Given our reclusive nature, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon, so best get used to it or ignore it.


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

lockS said:


> I often get this too. Why should I explain WHY I'm quiet though?
> 
> *What bugs me the most is when a friend says it to me. They know I'm pretty outgoing around them. So at times when I feel very anxious and don't say much, they ask me: Is something wrong with you? I don't even know what to say anymore. They clearly see something's wrong with me*.


Yeah, that happened to me too.

I wrote an entry about it on my blog, that's proof the NSA & NASA did something to their mental process.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...came-obsessed-with-the-governments-p5-121170/


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## jennufer18 (Jul 26, 2015)

Yes!!! People act as if being quiet is a bad thing. But really it's because I'm having a bad day, don't have anything to say, or am trying to focus on something. But the worse is when you cuss and the people are like, "Oh my gosh you cuss, you're so quiet and innocent I didn't expect that from you."


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## Kittens24 (Jul 25, 2015)

I hate it when people say me that, I just don´t have anything to say or I don´t now anything to say, especially when I am with people I don´t now for long or when I know they don´t like me. But when I´m with friends I can talk so much easier with them. It´s so weird....


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## ThatQuietGirl02 (Jan 14, 2014)

This used to happen to me ALOT when i was younger,now that i am older people are more open minded that some people are juat quiet. However it did happen to me recently with this girl who acts like she has to have small talk with everyone she sees. She took my quietness as a insult and was insinuating that i had a problem and didnt like her. I actually look at these people as the ones with a problem now after i have seen many who DONT have a problem with my quietness. It is still annoying though .


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## ronnie72 (Jun 3, 2014)

Omgosh I get this all the time!
It is so annoying! Why the heck do they care if I talk or not.
I just wish they would shut up sometimes.


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