# What's it like being a parent with SA?



## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

I eventually want kids one day and I just wonder sometimes how it's going to be being a mother with SA. 

What kind of challenges do you face as a parent with SA?


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

karenw said:


> Well imo, not that Im a mother, your focus should go on the children or should do in any case. Otherwise you shouldnt be having them.


Yes, of course. Just was curious on some stories/advice...


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> I eventually want kids one day and I just wonder sometimes how it's going to be being a mother with SA.
> 
> What kind of challenges do you face as a parent with SA?


This has been talked about a while ago on the forum. Some mothers have already mentioned what they face in threads they created or just in post's.

I noticed some of them haven't been on here in a while, so not sure if they will post in this thread.

As far as I know from what was said, usual fears with SA (scared to do things), but the kid or kids drives them to overcome those fears and make changes in their lives (motivation to give the kid or kids a better life). That is the usual story I hear with mothers in general.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

ANX1 said:


> This has been talked about a while ago on the forum. Some mothers have already mentioned what they face in threads they created or just in post's.
> 
> I noticed some of them haven't been on here in a while, so not sure if they will post in this thread.
> 
> As far as I know from what was said, usual fears with SA (scared to do things), but the kid or kids drives them to overcome those fears and make changes in their lives (motivation to give the kid or kids a better life). That is the usual story I hear with mothers in general.


Yeah, I figured it had been discussed before just couldn't find anything.

Hmm..well maybe some parent will eventually post their input. Thank you


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Being a parent is really hard - whether you have SA or any other mental health problem or not. 

To try and sum it up in a few sentences is a bit ridiculous, but it's true that having kids takes you out of yourself to some extent. The second they're born you realise there's something more important now than you. That doesn't solve all of your issues obviously - you have to find ways to deal with them, one way or another.

I only have the one son (he's 24 now) but I wish we'd had more. We lost 2 kids to miscarriage which is quite common.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> Yeah, I figured it had been discussed before just couldn't find anything.
> 
> Hmm..well maybe some parent will eventually post their input. Thank you


You're welcome.


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## Synaps3 (Jul 12, 2012)

Why would you want to be a mother if you still have SA? I honestly don't understand why people like this feel the need to procreate. I can understand if you have completely overcome your problems and are a new person, but if you are still struggling with SA, why would having a child be a good idea?

Sometimes I get really mad at my parents for having created me. I know this sounds like a childish and narrow-minded perspective. There is anger twords anything/anyone that would want to put a new person into a world that is even remotely undesirable.

Please do make sure if you do this, that you are in a stable mindstate. Not just stable, but think about why you are doing it. Do you really feel that this world has value that you would like another human to experience? Is the hardship of this life worth the positive? Does it really balance out? It it really worth it?


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Synaps3 said:


> Why would you want to be a mother if you still have SA? I honestly don't understand why people like this feel the need to procreate. I can understand if you have completely overcome your problems and are a new person, but if you are still struggling with SA, why would having a child be a good idea?
> 
> Sometimes I get really mad at my parents for having created me. I know this sounds like a childish and narrow-minded perspective. There is anger twords anything/anyone that would want to put a new person into a world that is even remotely undesirable.
> 
> Please do make sure if you do this, that you are in a stable mindstate. Not just stable, but think about why you are doing it. Do you really feel that this world has value that you would like another human to experience? Is the hardship of this life worth the positive? Does it really balance out? It it really worth it?


nothing childish about it at all. The dragging of innocent souls from non-existence into this cruel world is absolutely ****ed


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

harrison said:


> Being a parent is really hard - whether you have SA or any other mental health problem or not.
> 
> To try and sum it up in a few sentences is a bit ridiculous, but it's true that having kids takes you out of yourself to some extent. The second they're born you realise there's something more important now than you. That doesn't solve all of your issues obviously - you have to find ways to deal with them, one way or another.
> 
> I only have the one son (he's 24 now) but I wish we'd had more. We lost 2 kids to miscarriage which is quite common.


Thanks for your input. Yes, it's not all about you anymore. I'm so sorry about the miscarriages.. 



Synaps3 said:


> Why would you want to be a mother if you still have SA? I honestly don't understand why people like this feel the need to procreate. I can understand if you have *completely overcome your problems* and are a new person, but if you are still struggling with SA, why would having a child be a good idea?
> 
> Sometimes I get really mad at my parents for having created me. I know this sounds like a childish and narrow-minded perspective. There is anger twords anything/anyone that would want to put a new person into a world that is even remotely undesirable.
> 
> Please do make sure if you do this, that you are in a stable mindstate. Not just stable, but think about why you are doing it. Do you really feel that this world has value that you would like another human to experience? Is the hardship of this life worth the positive? Does it really balance out? It it really worth it?


Yes, I have SA but that doesn't completely disable me. I deal with it. I'm 22 years old, working full-time and going to school full-time with my own place and a car. I'm fully capable to take care of myself and I know I could take care of someone else if I had to. Now, I never said I wanted one NOW, but eventually. I will never completely get over my problems because I'm a human and I'll always have issues and I'll never be perfect, so no I'm not gonna wait till I'm completely problem free or "a new person" to have a baby. :lol

It's always been my one of my dreams to be a mother, and yes this world can be a cruel place but there's also many beautiful things in it as well and I'm sorry if you've never been lucky enough to experience them. Just because I want a child doesn't make me angry. Lol.

But yes, to answer your question I think it would be very worth it and an amazing experience. Just because we don't share the same desires doesn't make mine this selfish choice or the wrong one.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> Thanks for your input. Yes, it's not all about you anymore. I'm so sorry about the miscarriages..


Thanks, it's okay - it was a long time ago.

Sorry if my post was a bit short - I didn't mean to be rude. It really is impossible to sum it up in a few sentences. It's wonderful - and beautiful, but also difficult.

I'm very lucky in that I have a wonderful wife. (we're separated now though although that's a different story again) She's very strong in her own way and together I think we did a pretty good job of raising my son. He's a happy, well adjusted young man that shows no sign of having any mental health issues - he's travelled a lot already, has had plenty of girlfriends, and has a degree in Computer Science.

You'll see plenty of posts on a forum like this like the ones by the young people above. Fortunately not everyone has their attitude - we don't all see the world as an evil place, or life as a terrible experience they wish to escape from.

And for what its worth - I think you sound like you'd make a wonderful parent.


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> I'm 22 years old, working full-time and going to school full-time.


Just a quick question... _when _do you sleep, exactly?


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

harrison said:


> Thanks, it's okay - it was a long time ago.
> 
> Sorry if my post was a bit short - I didn't mean to be rude. It really is impossible to sum it up in a few sentences. It's wonderful - and beautiful, but also difficult.
> 
> ...


Oh not at all, I appreciate any advice that you can give. Haha, yeah I'm sure there's loads more I could learn but I get the jist of what you're saying. 

That's wonderful to hear, he sounds like he's doing just fine and successful.

Yes, it is sad. I can't imagine living my life like that, but it is what it is. I can understand not wanting a child but saying it's an evil thing to want to have one is a bit much.

Aww, thanks so much. I sure hope so, I can't wait :b


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

versikk said:


> Just a quick question... _when _do you sleep, exactly?


Haha, whenever I find a chance. No, it's not that bad. :lol As long as I prioritize things good enough I can get a decent nights sleep.


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## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Can't you do gene editing nowadays or whatever (but probably uber-expensive)? Erase away nasty predispositions or whatever (Not sure to the extent of completely erasing predispositions underlying that of the likes of GAD, SAD, BPD, Schizo stuffs, etc, and not screwing over some other parallel biological system). I think it is referred to as CRISPR, however, I'm sure Gaia or the planet would not appreciate another human addition to the branching family whilst continuing on this destructive vector path; as least in highly developed nations. And then, hope that whatever subconsciously lingering SA behavioral tendencies wouldn't rub off on future progeny in early childhood or whatever; as that seems to be a very sensitive period of development. And then, retro-consideration of not being extremely, extremely stressed during the carrying of the child; as chronic stress (high cortisol, etc) would make it likelier for the child to develop mental health issues, Asthma, and other diseases. And then, there's concerns for plastics, BPA, crap-ton of other stuffs, etc. 

Heh. Even considering all of these things at once seems somewhat stressful. Lol. 

Seems like a lot of work, and headache. I surely wouldn't recommend it, but good luck, I suppose, and I hope you know what you're doing / getting yourself into.


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## JohnB (Oct 14, 2015)

Not sure what its like to be a mother but being a father is cool. It does cause issues for me as I work away from home and just dont talk to them as much as I should. Hopefully you as a mother would never deal with this. Kids are cool though and being a parent is nice. How are you with other children? I don't see kids as judgmental and have very few issues talking to them.


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## Synaps3 (Jul 12, 2012)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> Thanks for your input. Yes, it's not all about you anymore. I'm so sorry about the miscarriages..
> 
> Yes, I have SA but that doesn't completely disable me. I deal with it. I'm 22 years old, working full-time and going to school full-time with my own place and a car. I'm fully capable to take care of myself and I know I could take care of someone else if I had to. Now, I never said I wanted one NOW, but eventually. I will never completely get over my problems because I'm a human and I'll always have issues and I'll never be perfect, so no I'm not gonna wait till I'm completely problem free or "a new person" to have a baby. :lol
> 
> ...


Fair enough. I think one other thing to consider (if it hasn't already been mentioned), is if your SA is genetic or environmental?


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

being a mom of 10 kids is hard, but seeing their faces each and every day brings a smile to my face. luckily the father helps me as much as he can. plus he's a cutie.


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## Sunduck (Jun 1, 2018)

I am a mom with social anxiety. I have two beautiful and rambunctious little boys who drive me up the wall!! When we are in public they always act up which is natural but I have a horrible tendency to snap at the in fear of someone thinking I'm a lazy parent. But instead I end up embarrassing myself for snapping at them. Truth is they kinda lessen my anxiety because being a mom is so much upkeep that you let go of things like your appearance, shaved legs, clean house etc. So really in a way it has helped me to forget about what others think. Sometimes you just have to focus on the moment and not whay others are thinking or you'll lose a lot of joy. 😘


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