# Why do people call me pretentious?



## BMaag (Aug 12, 2015)

Hello, My first post here. I have always been a very open and understanding person when it comes to talking with other people, however I have been told repeatedly that I am pretentious. I have never been called pretentious in my entire life until about a year ago someone called me out on being pretentious, and ever since then I have heard it multiple times, almost on a regular basis. I'm not accusing these people of being wrong because maybe I have some habit in conversation that makes me come off that way? I'm not really sure, but I do respect others feelings, and if I am being told this rather frequently then I think there may be some truth to it? I never try to give insight into things I know nothing or very little about, which is what I thought "pretentious" meant. A little discussion on this topic would be very helpful, as I have tried to self assess but consistently come up short. Thanks in advance for anyone willing to contribute to this discussion


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

pre·ten·tious
prəˈten(t)SHəs/
adjective
attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.
"a pretentious literary device"
synonyms:	affected, ostentatious, showy; 

Pretentious means you come across as a bit of a wanker.

Is this how you act? (I'm not saying you do I'm just asking.  )

Welcome to SAS btw.


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## SelfCompulsoryIsolation (Dec 30, 2013)

Seeing as you're posting this in a social anxiety forum, I'll assume you have social anxiety.

If you're generally a quiet person or avoid conversation, people often assume that you don't think they're worth talking to. I had this problem back in high school; I did well, so everyone got the idea that I thought I was just too good for them.


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## BMaag (Aug 12, 2015)

To my knowledge, I do not act that way, but it is apparent some people think I do. I don't want to say they are wrong for feeling that way, as i feel that would actually be pretentious, however I can't seem to figure out why some people feel this way about me. It has reached a point where I no longer feel comfortable expressing even just an opinion on something, let alone speaking on behalf of things I am actually somewhat knowledgeable about.


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## BMaag (Aug 12, 2015)

Selfcompulsory, I do legitimately have anxiety, just felt I needed to point that out. I have been a quiet introverted person for most of my life, however I have recently been striving to be more outgoing, which is when I started being told that I am pretentious. I would just like to have normal conversations with people without being self conscious about coming off as pretentious, as I am already self conscious about a number of other unrelated things.


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## idoughnutknow (Apr 7, 2014)

I like to spell it prétentieux to show how I'm better than anyone else


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## etude (Aug 25, 2013)

i've always been self conscious of that as well... sometimes i think it's because i try to say "normal" things that i think people want to hear, and it comes off as being unoriginal and fake; other times i'm afraid of coming off as dull or boring, so i try to say really interesting things that end up just coming off as weird or inappropriate for the level of the conversation.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

@BMaag They call you pretentious because of the way you communicate, not because of what you know or don't know. I bet you read a lot; your posts sound "bookish", ie. overly stiff and formal. I'm the same way.

You use too many qualifiers, you don't use contractions, and your diction is elevated. You need to condense and ground your posts.

Yours:


> "Selfcompulsory, I do legitimately have anxiety, just felt I needed to point that out. I have been a quiet introverted person for most of my life, however I have recently been striving to be more outgoing, which is when I started being told that I am pretentious. I would just like to have normal conversations with people without being self conscious about coming off as pretentious, as I am already self conscious about a number of other unrelated things."


Mine:


> "I have anxiety, Selfcompulsory. I've been a quiet, introverted person most of my life. I'm trying to be more outgoing, but now people are telling me I'm pretentious. I'd just like to have normal conversations with people without feeling self-conscious about this. I'm self-conscious about too many things already."


In other words, you don't write like normal folks.

Use fewer, shorter words, use contractions, and cut out your qualifiers and elaborators ("therefore, however, thus, and so forth, etc."). If a simpler word will do the trick, use it. Save the fancy words for when you need them.

The other thing you need to watch out for is name-dropping and place-dropping. The more often you reference "high culture" figures (Shakespeare, Mozart, Nietzsche, etc.) or exotic places (Budapest, Samarkand, Cairo, etc.), as opposed to pop culture (Taylor Swift, JLaw, Kim Kardashian, etc.) or ordinary places (Walmart, Taco Bell, Home Depot, etc.), the more it's going to seem like you're trying to impress people with what you know, who you know, and where you've been and people don't like to be made to feel inferior. No one will be impressed by these references, so it's best to just refrain from mentioning them entirely.

I'm pretentious as hell, and everybody here knows it, but I can slip up and down the conversational ladder if I have to. The more ranty I get, the more pretentious I sound, because I forget to talk like a normal person.

There's no shame in being able to write well and clearly, you just need to adapt your writing to your audience.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

If you're reserved and seem a bit tense talking to new people, they might think you're stand off-ish or pretentious. Some people hate it when they can't read other people openly, so they assume others don't like them if they don't respond in a friendly open manner. Maybe you take a while to open up to people, or you don't strike them as very outgoing (not that it's a bad thing if you're not)... don't take it to heart. If you're kind and respectful to other people, it's all that really matters. And if someone calls you pretentious, just ask them what makes them say that and maybe you can prove them wrong


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I'd be interested to know who it is that's been telling you this and what the circumstances were. I think people that have anxiety issues are very often misunderstood - or more appropriately mis-interpreted. I know people that worry that they seem snobby, rude or just plain weird - when all along they just feel really anxious and have trouble acting naturally in social situations. I have a friend that worries about this quite a bit.

I can also understand how being told that must have been a bit rough to hear. Try not to worry about it - I'm sure the people that know you well wouldn't think that and it's their opinion that really matters.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Because people are jerks.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Ask them.


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## feckoff (May 2, 2014)

idoughnutknow said:


> I like to spell it prétentieux to show how I'm better than anyone else


:lol


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## burgerchuckie (May 31, 2012)

I think most people with SA get accused of that. We all try to fit in and the act you put on about being completely normal will immediately get noticed. Nothing wrong about that tho.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

Being called pretentious is a strong indicator that you're not matching the wave length of a social group. You might be able to tune in to their frequency if you spend enough time with them.

That's the thing for me though. I never really do. I don't synchronize or match rhythms with anyone.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

Pretentious is just a word idiots use to describe people who have a wider vocabulary and greater knowledge and understanding of the arts, or anything that isn't sugar-coated for the masses and requires you to actually use your brain to enjoy.


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