# Teach me how to ask out a boy!



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

*UPDATED Teach me how to ask out a boy!*

UPDATE: DID I DO IT? SEE PAGE TWO.

So. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am honestly considering asking a guy out. He's an acquiantancey-friend I sit with in a couple classes, and have known for maybe two years. We have no trouble chatting, but it is mainly about school stuff and homework.

I have never done this. I have only been in one relationship, and it was not exactly without flaws. This is the second guy I have ever liked.

I hung out with some guy friends today, and their advice on how to do this just confused and panicked the heck out of me. Should I not do it at school? Should I ensure he is mildly intoxicated? Of course I want to be honest, but do I just go "Hey, uh, I think I like you?" or do I try and make it all smooth and junk? Should I ensure I am noticeably scantily dressed the day of? What happens if he says no, how do I sit with him after that? What happens if he actually says yes? Have I asked enough questions yet?

Men of SAS: TEACH ME.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm trying to picture how I'd want to be asked out, but all that comes to mind is a piece of a paper with a "Do you like me?" with Yes/No boxes. Why can't it still be that easy...


----------



## Sabreth (Dec 2, 2004)

Us male folk are a simple creatures. There's no need to over think this.

Just tell him straightforward, or see if he would go to some sort of event with you (concert, play, movie, etc). If there is chemistry between you two it will definitely come out when you're together away from the school setting.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I guess you could think of something you'd like to do with him, and then start it off by asking him what he does for fun outside of school...and then say, you and I should hang out sometime...and go from there.


----------



## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

For me, I'd just like you to ask me for a coffee or a movie sometime, and do all that touchy crap that girls seem to be good at in the process of asking me out.


----------



## faux (Sep 10, 2010)

First of all you need to find out if he is interested and I think the best way is to compliment him in some way to see how he responds. It's sort of like subtle flirting. You can tell when someone is into you by the way they look at you or the things they say to you. I say try your hand at a bit of flirting and if he can sense you like him and the feeling is mutual you may not have to ask him out because he may ask you out


----------



## ShadowArtist (Sep 18, 2010)

The best advice I heard lately was to pick an event you would like to go to, (maybe a concert or sports game or some kind of school event) and tell them you're going and that you're looking for someone to go with. That allows them to get off the hook by turning the EVENT down, not you. So it's kind of a way to test the waters without direct rejection.


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

^ That would work but I think if the approach isn't direct enough, it can be mistaken as simply going out as friends vs going out on a date.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

BetaBoy90 said:


> For me, I'd just like you to ask me for a coffee or a movie sometime, and do all that touchy crap that girls seem to be good at in the process of asking me out.





faux said:


> I say try your hand at a bit of flirting and if he can sense you like him and the feeling is mutual you may not have to ask him out because he may ask you out


I am really not good at flirting. I don't think I've ever even flirted with anyone at all. I guess I could try, but I have a feeling it will be a really really big SA disaster for me.



ShadowArtist said:


> The best advice I heard lately was to pick an event you would like to go to, (maybe a concert or sports game or some kind of school event) and tell them you're going and that you're looking for someone to go with. That allows them to get off the hook by turning the EVENT down, not you. So it's kind of a way to test the waters without direct rejection.


Hmm, I like this. If he turns down the event, I'll know. And if he accepts, maybe while we are there or something I could ask him out for realz? I think he would definitely see this as just a friend thing, like Futures said.


----------



## amoeba (May 19, 2010)

Chloroform, a rag, and child-proof car doors?

Damn, I'm so bad at these things.


----------



## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Perfectionist, you don't have to flirt, just ask him out to coffee or something in a friendly manner. If he has interest in you than a connection greater than friendship will eventually be made assuming you both have more than friendship in your heads. Just try not to act standoffish/show signs that you have no interest in him, I hope you SA doesn't make that difficult for you.

Do you get the feeling that he may be interested in you as well? Sorry if it's a stupid question.


----------



## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

Perfectionist said:


> I am really not good at flirting. I don't think I've ever even flirted with anyone at all. I guess I could try, but I have a feeling it will be a really really big SA disaster for me.


Not sure... you could be like me, and flirt without knowing it. And conversely, in my case, be flirted with and not know it. I apparently blew off a waitress that way - I only know because the people I was with at the time think it was hilarious.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Do you get the feeling that he may be interested in you as well? Sorry if it's a stupid question.


Good question. I don't knoooooooooooow. I think we get along, but I don't think he's ever shown any sexual/relationship interest in me, as far as I can tell.

He's pretty shy, so that might be a factor, but still, I have no idea if he is interested.

Should I skank it up the day of?


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Perfectionist said:


> ..
> Men of SAS: TEACH ME.


OK!

This is off my theory book right. It works most of the time in simulated (imagined) scenarios. What you do is, right, you get your mum ... to ask his mum .. for you :idea. That's it. Simple init?


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Can't imagine ever being asked out by a girl. In my experience it's always the guys that have to make that move, or is it just me?


----------



## GirlAccelerate (Oct 7, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> Should I skank it up the day of?


Perfectionist-

I don't have much advice. I have never approached anyone to date, been single for a while now + only ever been approached..I just can't do it. but..

I bought some sexy but classy high heeled boots and a mini shift dress today. U can borrow! Although I've read about the cleavage issue of yours in a photo thread. You may be popping out all over the place in this dress :eek Could be a problem. Or.... maybe it would be what seals the deal between you two...

He wont be thinking of algae that's for sure.

It's a no on the skankiness.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

^^ BAHA! algae


----------



## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

the cheat said:


> I'm trying to picture how I'd want to be asked out, but all that comes to mind is a piece of a paper with a "Do you like me?" with Yes/No boxes. Why can't it still be that easy...


^A girl actually did this to me once! She drew three checkboxes (yes, no, and ew) on the underside of my loft bed. I came back from class one day to take a nap on my amazing shag rug and was extremely confused by the little survey etched into the particle board. It worked out pretty well after I figured out who it was from, but I would not recommend this approach in general.

What I would recommend would be to ask this hombre out to some sort of event that you both enjoy (concerts work best for me, but pretty much anything is fine) and try to keep things casual. By intimating that you'd attend the event whether or not he comes you can mostly avoid any potential awkwardness that might spring up if he's not interested. If he does want to come (which he will, obviously) you can try to judge the situation as the night progresses. If he's listening to you, laughing at all your jokes, and in generally good spirits (which he obviously will be) you might want to find a quiet moment, maybe hold hands or summat, and try for a kiss. If he goes for it, you've got a pretty clear signal of interest from him, and if he doesn't you should be able to get out of the situation without too much awkardness.

Good luck, and be sure to let us know how it goes!


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

GirlAccelerate said:


> ..
> He wont be thinking of algae that's for sure.


I algae!

(ok I think I should get offline now)


----------



## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> Good question. I don't knoooooooooooow. I think we get along, but I don't think he's ever shown any sexual/relationship interest in me, as far as I can tell.
> 
> He's pretty shy, so that might be a factor, but still, I have no idea if he is interested.
> 
> Should I skank it up the day of?


if he likes you it won't matter how you're dressed, so i really don't see that influencing his decision. however, if your goal is simply to get laid, then yes, definitely.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

if he turns you down he's insane. Let us know how it goes?


----------



## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

have sex with him, then say, "hmm wana be my boyfriend?" chances are he will say yes.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

"Hey, what are you doing on this or that day? Would you like to come?"

end.


----------



## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

I would just start asking him to go do things with you and stuff, location and conditions irrelevant. Eventually if you start treating him like your in a relationship with him he will get the idea without even having to ask.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

GirlAccelerate said:


> Perfectionist-
> 
> I don't have much advice. I have never approached anyone to date, only ever been approached...but..
> 
> ...


I like that you refer to it as a cleavage issue. Does it need some sort of special task force?

Of course he won't be thinking about algae. He's more of an developmental biology boy. So flies, not algae for him.

No skankiness. Okay. Got it. Thanks.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Recipe For Disaster said:


> if he likes you it won't matter how you're dressed, so i really don't see that influencing his decision. however, if your goal is simply to get laid, then yes, definitely.


Haha no, it's really not. Skanking it up was, however, my guy friends' suggestion on how to go about it. Apparently my XXL Chemical Elements tshirt with my hair in an angry librarian bun does not exactly scream girlfriend material.


----------



## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

My last girlfriend asked me out. We were just chatting and she said something like "hey...want to go see that new movie (can't remember which one)." She was kind of being smiley and giggly too. So I said yeah of course and that was it. Apparently she was waiting for me to ask her out but I never got the message. I missed all the social cues so she took the initiative. No special clothing (or lack thereof) was required. What are you implying about us anyway... :teeth


----------



## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

No advice, just want to say good luck (not that you'll need it), and props (yes I'm bitin your vocab) for taking the initiative. 

Fortune favours the bold.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^Haha, thanks! Fortune favours the bold, never heard that one before, cool.

I'm kindof just at the point where I don't ever care what he says, I just want to *know* for sure already.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I'd second the no skankiness thing. there's nothing wrong whatsoever with cleavage, just keep it, you know, tasteful. I hope I can put in my tuppence here even though I'm not a guy (fairly certain anyway). Good luck!


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

You have me yet inspired. This thread is good.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

okay honestly this was too long for me to read all the responses to because i have a short attention span, so maybe this has already been said, but here's my advice.

find an event you want to go to and tell him you're looking for someone to go with. ask him if he'd like to go with you. that way he can say no without directly rejecting you, and if he does say no but he likes you, he has an opening to add something like, "but i'm free next weekend, we should _______."


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

*I did it! *

I asked him out. I got rejected. See transcript below:

Me: So...can I tell you something? It's kindof awkward.
Him: Of course. You can trust me, I won't tell.
Me: Hah, well no, that's not why it's awkward. I think I might....like you. And I was just wondering if that was a stupid idea or not.....
Him: *pause pause pause pause*
Me: *dying dying dying dying*
Him: I'm really flattered, but I don't want to date until I'm done school.
Me: Really? Why?

And then the conversation went on without a hitch from there about why he is so focused on school and how it might actually be a bad thing. Normally, my BS meter would be flaring Judge Judy style with an excuse like that, but I know him and his dedication to school, and I really do believe it.

So, SAS. I asked a boy out and I got shot down. And you know what? I couldn't be more proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I said screw it, and put myself out on a limb for a guy. I'm glad I did it, and I would do it again.

I don't know what finally got me to push through this wall and actually do this. I've wanted to for months, and never found the courage. And today, I knew I was meeting him in like an hour to go over some lab notes and I realized, why the hell not? Worse case scenario, I end up still not dating him. He's a good person, and I didn't think he would mock me for liking him, even if he didn't like me back. I wanted this, and I went for it. I got shot down, but at least I tried. I don't have to wonder anymore. It's a great feeling knowing I was honest, open, and didn't give a damn what it made him think of me.

Maybe this will inspire someone else on here, who knows. I just feel so much more in control of my life and my happiness than I did yesterday, because I actually did something to try and better it. I told our mutual friend I finally asked him, and she said she admired me like crazy for having the courage to do it. She's a model thing, six foot tall blonde, and I did something she couldn't even do.

I am who I am. I'm a chubby, introverted, sarcastic nerd. If he doesn't like me for who I am, I'm cool with that. Maybe the next guy will. And if not, I'm very comfortable being single. This doesn't make me feel crummy about myself, it makes me feel powerful. And it's a good feeling, SAS, a really good feeling.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Congratulations! It is always better to go for what you want! Just don't obsess over asking boys out now because it can be exhausting on you emotionally.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^I've liked two boys in my entire life. I doubt I will make a habit of it:b


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Please don't tell me Harry Potter is one of those two.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

You actually think I would say I "like" HP?

One does not "like" their one and only soulmate in the entire magical and muggle, real and fictional world.

OH MAN GUYS I AM SO ASKING OUT DANIEL RADCLIFFE NEXT.


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Congrats on at least trying. Your reaction is pretty much dead on with how I felt after asking a girl out and getting rejected. I was more proud of myself for having tired even if it wasn't successful.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Big congrats! I think the attitude you have even though he was not ready to pursue anything is very positive and certainly sounds like a great confidence boost as well. I know I dont have the guts to ask someone out but its stories like this where you have fears which you overcome and are still proud of yourself which make me feel a little more confident about doing it someday.

Well done again! Hopefully someone else will come along for you.


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

It's tough to ask someone out and get rejected, but you did it. Congrats!


----------



## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Good for you!

I don't think I'll ever have the figurative balls to ask a guy out. You faced my biggest fear! You have inspired me a little- unfortunately, I don't have any guys around to crush on...

...I'll have to come back to this thread when I find a love interest, haha. 

But way to go!


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

:high5


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

mcmuffinme said:


> Good for you!
> 
> I don't think I'll ever have the figurative balls to ask a guy out. You faced my biggest fear!


In case anyone was wondering, I do indeed have a huge figurative pair.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I don't know how I missed this thread the first time around, but good for you for overcoming your fear, dude. 

Good luck with that Daniel Redcliff guy!


----------



## hobo10 (Apr 28, 2009)

Congrats! I admire your bravery! I recently put myself out there too and got nowhere but like you, I don't regret it. We put our SA aside for once and went for it. SA, we've won his round!


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Good job. I wish I had been in a better place with SA treatment when I was back in school.

There are plenty of other guys out there if you don't feel like waiting.


----------



## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Congrats Perfectionist! That's really cool


----------



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

His loss Perfectionist  I really admire the mindset that you took up even though things didn't go perfectly - definitely something we all could learn from.
I feel as though I can emphasize quite well with you funnily enough btw lol. Seeing as I'm basically the male equivalent; geeky, introverted and a dry sense of humour. Although it must be said I have some way to go before being able to match you on cojones :b


----------



## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

STANDING OVATION! 

It's hard. I asked out a guy in high school. I stuttered and stammered on the phone but he said yes anyway. The date was horrible and I ended up leaving early but hey, at least I knew! 

The second time I did it was, uh, *cough*, with a chemistry teacher. Now in all fairness, I was a university student who didn't know she wanted science so I was older, taking a summer class at a local high school to get the prereq. The teacher was doing his MSc so the age difference would have been two or three years. Not so crazy right? Definitely got rejected but I don't for a second regret it. If I didn't ask I'd always wonder!

p.s. Yes I waited until the class was over and grades submitted.  And it was more of a, "So...I like you. Just putting that out there."


----------



## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

Congratulations and thanks for sharing


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Thanks everyone! I knew no one in my actual life would get how much of a step this was for me.

It's been a day already, and though I'm still playing it over in my head all the time, I still have no regrets.

And JustLurking, "luck" will having nothing to do with me getting with DRad. Chloroform and thick rope, perhaps.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> In case anyone was wondering, I do indeed have a huge figurative pair.


and this is news because.....?


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

The SAS Awesomeness Meter just broke. well done you.


----------



## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

You are a king among very awkward men.


----------

