# Why do so many guys want to ask out waitresses and cashiers?



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Don't guys realize that they have to be nice to you?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

When a guy doesn't have any pretty girls talking to him on a regular basis, a friendly cashier or waitress can give them that [potentially] false hope. When a guy does talk to pretty girls on a regular basis, a friendly cashier or waitress could just be an interesting challenge or they don't really care about rejection anyway and then the girl's occupation is irrelevant.

Ultimately, this question implies that it's not okay to get rejected and in that case a guy shouldn't go after a waitress/cashier, when in reality they should go after anyone and everyone that they want to.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Don't guys realize that they have to be nice to you?


Yeah, but they don't have to smile every time you talk to them, or even laugh at what you say.

They also don't have to keep making eye contact whenever I look at them. They can just give me the stink eye or something like that to make me quit staring. lol

There's one comment I really want to make, but it would just start a huge debate.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Has anyone ever gotten a date with their favorite waitress/cashier?


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

Also, many of the waitresses especially are hired based on looks from what I see. They're usually really hot so yeah.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Why do we? Why not? Doesn't matter who it is


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Has anyone ever gotten a date with their favorite waitress/cashier?


I can't say I've ever tried but thank you for the challenge


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

rymo said:


> Ultimately, this question implies that it's not okay to get rejected and in that case a guy shouldn't go after a waitress/cashier, when in reality they should go after anyone and everyone that they want to.


exactly. if a girl is upset i talk to her then so what? i'm not trying to hurt her feelings. i shouldn't feel bad for that. thanks for building up my indifference

i've had girls cuss me out for talking to them. now, who's the one out of line here?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Why do we? Why not? Doesn't matter who it is


Just seems like a waste of time getting up the nerve to ask them out. All that planning and wondering if she likes you or not. How to ask. When to ask.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Just seems like a waste of time getting up the nerve to ask them out. All that planning and wondering if she likes you or not. How to ask. When to ask.


You're right. Getting up the nerve _is_ a waste of time  But that's not the right way to approach this kind of situation. No planning required as far as I'm concerned.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Just seems like a waste of time getting up the nerve to ask them out. All that planning and wondering if she likes you or not. How to ask. When to ask.


no different than approaching a woman who isn't a cashier.

maybe you'd like a guy to have ultimate confidence and approach on a whim at any given moment. to do that he needs to talk to that cashier, that girl in line, at school, etc.

a real waste of time is not approaching


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rymo said:


> I can't say I've ever tried but thank you for the challenge


Of, course it will be easier for you since you're good looking but for the average schmoe.....:no


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Of, course it will be easier for you since you're good looking but for the average schmoe.....:no


First of all, I am a leper. Secondly, it's not easier for me to walk up to a girl and talk to them. Everyone has legs (my apologies to the legless/handicap community), and everyone has a mouth (mostly everyone). That's all you need to ask a girl out, waitress or otherwise - and NO ONE should be ashamed to do so.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Of, course it will be easier for you since you're good looking but for the average schmoe.....:no


so if you aren't good looking you shouldn't try? you shouldn't have confidence?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> so if you aren't good looking you shouldn't try? you shouldn't have confidence?


If it doesn't take much out you sure go ahead and try but for most people it takes a lot of nerve to ask a stranger out. If I were a guy I wouldn't waste my time asking women who have showed zero interest in me unless I was either good looking or didn't get nervous asking complete strangers out. It's even worse asking a waitress or cashier out than some random stranger on the street. Cause then they have to be all polite when rejecting you in order to not get fired. And on top of that going to that store/restaurant again would be uncomfortable.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Just seems like a waste of time getting up the nerve to ask them out. All that planning and wondering if she likes you or not. How to ask. When to ask.


Do you have something against cashiers and waitresses?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

little toaster said:


> Do you have something against cashiers and waitresses?


No, not at all. I'm just noticing a trend on this forum.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

little toaster said:


> Yeah, but they don't have to smile every time you talk to them, or even laugh at what you say.
> 
> They also don't have to keep making eye contact whenever I look at them. They can just give me the stink eye or something like that to make me quit staring. lol
> 
> There's one comment I really want to make, but it would just start a huge debate.


Actually, they do if they want to get more tips. I'm assuming, though, that this post is in relation to something personal...

Anyways, as someone who's had men flirt with me while on the job, I can guarantee you it's not flattering. Annoying and embarrassing, quite frankly. So how about if those of you exercising your "approach" skills on waitresses/sales associates/cashiers waste your time elsewhere؟ 
Like we need to put up with more bull**** for the sake of some random guy's confidence.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

komorikun said:


> If it doesn't take much out you sure go ahead and try but for most people it takes a lot of nerve to ask a stranger out. If I were a guy I wouldn't waste my time asking women who have showed zero interest in me unless I was either good looking or didn't get nervous asking complete strangers out. It's even worse asking a waitress or cashier out than some random stranger on the street. Cause then they have to be all polite in order to not get fired. And on top of that going to that store/restaurant again would be uncomfortable.


I understand what you're saying about how they can be extra nice because that's the nature of their job (save for the cashiers at Walmart *shudders*). That thought process is exactly what a typical insecure guy would go through and then promptly end up psyching themselves out about. It's understandable, but it's still irrational, because rejection is part of the game and there's nothing wrong with asking anyone out.

You're talking to a community that _would_ fall into the trap you're talking about and be extra nervous around those types of people. What I'm saying is that the only way to overcome that is to do it, instead of making the excuses you are mentioning. In other words, making any excuses when it comes to approaching someone is pointless and accomplishes nothing.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> If it doesn't take much out you sure go ahead and try but for most people it takes a lot of nerve to ask a stranger out. If I were a guy I wouldn't waste my time asking women who have showed zero interest in me unless I was either good looking or didn't get nervous asking complete strangers out. It's even worse asking a waitress or cashier out than some random stranger on the street. Cause then they have to be all polite in order to not get fired. And on top of that going to that store/restaurant again would be uncomfortable.


there is a point to it:

1. builds indifference to rejection
2. he is fulfilling his role as a man (although women can approach too)
3. he's doing what he can with what he has and not giving up; living a life even sadder than not trying in my opinion

no one said it wasn't awkward for men and women, but if you live your life not going after what you want because it feels "awkward" then you'll never approach as a man in general. men don't have this instinctual confidence when having never approached before. it takes guts for guys who are shy the same way it would for a woman. no one said it feels "good" for men to approach either, but it's a lot better than being passive-aggressive. i'd love to get to the point where i don't care. that would be freakin' awesome. of course i wouldn't be an *******..i just wouldn't rejection affect me the way it does now

and yes, we are aware that it sometimes makes women put on the spot. exactly why that "hot" guy doesn't approach you because he is a little ***** ( no offense to anyone here...just a form of expression)


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Actually, they do if they want to get more tips. I'm assuming, though, that this post is in relation to something personal...
> 
> Anyways, as someone who's had men flirt with me while on the job, I can guarantee you it's not flattering. Annoying and embarrassing, quite frankly. So how about if those of you exercising your "approach" skills on waitresses/sales associates/cashiers waste your time elsewhere؟
> Like we need to put up with more bull**** for the sake of some random guy's confidence.


I was talking about some cashiers. I'm already spending a certain amount of money. As long as she's not rude, I'm still gonna pay and leave.

I do know from experience that waitresses flirt and everything to get good tips. I've had multiple girls tell me that's what they do after I described one experience I had with a waitress.

I probably wouldn't get too interested in a waitress.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Actually, they do if they want to get more tips. I'm assuming, though, that this post is in relation to something personal...
> 
> Anyways, as someone who's had men flirt with me while on the job, I can guarantee you it's not flattering. Annoying and embarrassing, quite frankly. So how about if those of you exercising your "approach" skills on waitresses/sales associates/cashiers waste your time elsewhere؟
> Like we need to put up with more bull**** for the sake of some random guy's confidence.


that's your view. many women would like to be approached on the job or as a cashier.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Anyways, as someone who's had men flirt with me while on the job, I can guarantee you it's not flattering. Annoying and embarrassing, quite frankly. So how about if those of you exercising your "approach" skills on waitresses/sales associates/cashiers waste your time elsewhere؟
> Like we need to put up with more bull**** for the sake of some random guy's confidence.


Most men aren't flattering when they approach because they do it the wrong way or they just have no class, regardless of what profession you find yourself doing at the time. That's just life. But no one is approaching you for the sake of their confidence, they're approaching you because they find you attractive. You could take it as a compliment instead and try to focus on the positive.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> there is a point to it:
> 
> 1. builds indifference to rejection
> 2. he is fulfilling his role as a man (although women can approach too)
> ...


Maybe having a higher success rate will help to build up a higher confidence. If some guy with low confidence decides to ask out 10 women who have shown him zero interest, being rejected 10 times isn't going to help him any. I agree though that too many guys (and girls) focus/obsess way too much on one person/crush and just need to get over it and look for the next one. I learned from going to bars and clubs that you can't focus too much on one person. You have to just keep rolling.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Maybe having a higher success rate will help to build up a higher confidence. If some guy with low confidence decides to ask out 10 women who have shown him zero interest, being rejected 10 times isn't going to help him any. I agree though that too many guys (and girls) focus/obsess way too much on one person/crush and just need to get over it and look for the next one. I learned from going to bars and clubs that you can't focus too much on one person. You have to just keep rolling.


for the most part, i totally understand why some girls don't want to be approached on the job. i'm not arguing that, but you asked a question to get a perspective for that instance

personally, i'd rather approach in a bar, online or on campus. if i had no other option, or if i felt i had better odds for whatever reason then i would "approach" a girl at the register


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## Dreamscape (Sep 18, 2010)

I've never actually felt attracted to a waitress or cashier in my entire life because I do view what they say as being based on their job. I doubt I would ever even have a desire to ask one out.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

also, i've approached girls in "normal instances" like online or at a bar and STILL got cussed out and treated badly as if I made a social blunder.

whether i'm ugly or not, w/e. i'v ebeen told i was "hot" before by attractive women. i've been approached by attractive women before. i've had girls say i was ugly, cute, a loser, stupid, smart, sexy..... for the most part, i try to respect a woman's space


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> that's your view. many women would like to be approached on the job or as a cashier.


Yes, it's my view, and sorry to break it to you, but I'm not alone or one in a few. I worked at a small, french restaurant when I lived in Florida where there were mostly waitresses. When it was slow this was the common complaint. Cigarette breaks were used to vent about small tips, cooks who didn't get orders right and, surprise surprise, guys who flirted/asked them out.

When you're working with customers for hours on end, you have to put up with a lot of **** from people. Still, you have to smile and play nice. When a man starts to flirt, says things that are inappropriate and/or ask you out, the last thing you are is flattered.



rymo said:


> Most men aren't flattering when they approach because they do it the wrong way or they just have no class, regardless of what profession you find yourself doing at the time. That's just life. But no one is approaching you for the sake of their confidence, they're approaching you because they find you attractive. You could take it as a compliment instead and try to focus on the positive.


I disagree, but I'll keep that in mind and get all excited when an old man tells me he "likes my innocence" while he licks his lips. Yay for me!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Yes, it's my view, and sorry to break it to you, but I'm not alone or one in a few. I worked at a small, french restaurant when I lived in Florida where there were mostly waitresses. When it was slow this was the common complaint. Cigarette breaks were used to vent about small tips, cooks who didn't get orders right and, surprise surprise, guys who flirted/asked them out.
> 
> When you're working with customers for hours on end, you have to put up with a lot of **** from people. Still, you have to smile and play nice. When a man starts to flirt, says things that are inappropriate and/or ask you out, the last thing you are is flattered.


I get that. I never said it was the best place to approach. I understand why you'd act that way. I also understand why a guy tries to capture certain instances even if it doesn't appear socially accepted.

i also understand why women think of us as "hunting" or on the prowl. i totally get that, especially when it seems you just want to do your thing and not talk to guys, but i think about all those times i'm at a bar and a girl's "***** shield" is up because she's hit on all night and then views me as another "drunk idiot" because i'm a guy in a bar trying to approaching in a "normal" setting. then you have girls say they don't want to be hit on at the bar much like you say you don't want to be hit on at a store or working...they say "i go to the bar to talk to my friends not be hit on all night!" then you get complaints about how girls get flooded with too much emails online dating sites and how guys are weirdos "old men" for hitting on then there..... and then you try to meet girls through friends and you find out after all that effort that she doesn't like you....so then you try college and the same thing.....i really can't blame guys for trying all over the place. all i'm saying is i understand where you're coming from and i understand where guys are coming from. sometimes it seems like no matter how "accepted" it is in that instance to approach, the girl still acts like you're approaching her at work...same thing even if it typically isn't the same thing

"that must mean you are a weirdo" says the girl....no, that is just the nature of it...ask rymo...he's a "good looking" guy.... some girls are nice and some aren't and some are neutral.....never said approaching at stores was the best thing nor cashiers..just giving perspective


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Why would you approach someone in their place ofwork? That's just disrespectful and annoying.


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

little toaster said:


> Yeah, but they don't have to smile every time you talk to them, or even laugh at what you say.
> 
> They also don't have to keep making eye contact whenever I look at them. They can just give me the stink eye or something like that to make me quit staring. lol
> 
> There's one comment I really want to make, but it would just start a huge debate.


If one of my customer service team do this, I'll give them a hard time that's for sure. More trainings to give, more meetings and warnings has to be input in the system -_-

To all guys. Please don't act too much on them, in the end there's a person that have to console these girls, gave them a common sense, and listen to them whining about flirty or rude customers. Making reports of complaint, girls that have stalkers, girls who ended up has to be persuaded to show up for work and premature resignations and all.. 
In my case, it's me -________-
please lighten up my job. i need to focus to plenty of works already. thanks.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> When you're working with customers for hours on end, you have to put up with a lot of **** from people. Still, you have to smile and play nice. When a man starts to flirt, says things that are inappropriate and/or ask you out, the last thing you are is flattered.
> 
> I disagree, but I'll keep that in mind and get all excited when an old man tells me he "likes my innocence" while he licks his lips. Yay for me!


Ah yes, I'm sure that extreme example happens all the time. I'm just saying - you can take the positive mindset, since that stuff is always going to happen, or you can continue to be bitter about it. We all know which route _you're_ going to continue taking, so I don't know why I'm even writing this.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

i will never, ever, ever approach a girl in a store from now on. i promise


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

Because it's not creepy to approach and talk to them... i could never talk to some random girl i dont know


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

Wait. They're meant to be nice?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> i will never, ever, ever approach a girl in a store from now on. i promise


hehe...yeh..yeh me neither... *WINK WINK*


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## Garretoo (Jan 19, 2011)

I'm a cashier, and if a girl took interest in me it would make my whole week. Also, it is just as hard knowing if a customer is interested in you, because they can be just as polite and kind as you are. I treat everyone the same when I'm working, regardless if they are attractive or not, so yeah, you really don't know with cashiers. I think most people have figured this out though. If they straight up say your cute or something, thats different. I never assume ANYONE is hitting on me just because they are being nice.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> I get that. I never said it was the best place to approach. I understand why you'd act that way. I also understand why a guy tries to capture certain instances even if it doesn't appear socially accepted.
> 
> i also understand why women think of us as "hunting" or on the prowl. i totally get that, especially when it seems you just want to do your thing and not talk to guys, but i think about all those times i'm at a bar and a girl's "***** shield" is up because she's hit on all night and then views me as another "drunk idiot" because i'm a guy in a bar trying to approaching in a "normal" setting. then you have girls say they don't want to be hit on at the bar much like you say you don't want to be hit on at a store or working...they say "i go to the bar to talk to my friends not be hit on all night!" then you get complaints about how girls get flooded with too much emails online dating sites and how guys are weirdos "old men" for hitting on then there..... and then you try to meet girls through friends and you find out after all that effort that she doesn't like you....so then you try college and the same thing.....i really can't blame guys for trying all over the place. all i'm saying is i understand where you're coming from and i understand where guys are coming from. sometimes it seems like no matter how "accepted" it is in that instance to approach, the girl still acts like you're approaching her at work...same thing even if it typically isn't the same thing
> 
> "that must mean you are a weirdo" says the girl....no, that is just the nature of it...ask rymo...he's a "good looking" guy.... some girls are nice and some aren't and some are neutral.....never said approaching at stores was the best thing nor cashiers..just giving perspective


It's hard for me to see things from your perspective, not because I'm a woman, but because, while I'd like a relationship, it's not a priority. I'm not constantly looking for a "prospective partner." 
I think the responses you've used as examples are partly due to the fact that women have been taught to mistrust men. I think you're smart enough to know why, so I won't get into that. Their intentions aren't clear at times or mutual. _Does he want sex from me, a relationship, is he lying, is he using me?_ When a woman is approached at a bar or gets too many OKCupid emails, she might think they're attempts are disingenuous. 
Regardless, I'm sorry there are guys out there giving you a bad name. Also accept my apologies for women who've yelled at you at bars for maybe just saying hello.



diamondheart89 said:


> Why would you approach someone in their place ofwork? *That's just disrespectful and annoying*.


Amen.



rymo said:


> Ah yes, I'm sure that extreme example happens all the time. I'm just saying - you can take the positive mindset, since that stuff is always going to happen, or you can continue to be bitter about it. We all know which route _you're_ going to continue taking, so I don't know why I'm even writing this.


I've tried that approach. I was 17 when I started working, and as someone who doesn't get approached in "normal" settings, I was flattered. Until the work got hard and the people seemed worse. Why would that flatter me? A fleeting remark from an old perv... Should I tell myself, "Oh well, at least I'm pretty in the eyes of this old man!"? What makes me feel better is to ***** about them when I'm on break and even on here.



bwidger85 said:


> i will never, ever, ever approach a girl in a store from now on. i promise


:lol


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

At work I see this all the time, some random dude hitting on one of the cashiers and I just pretend not to notice and go about my business cause the customer is always right, even if he is a creepy pervert. I myself would rather die than be one of those dudes, I find it disgraceful... but then again I wouldn't have to balls to go up to some random girl and tell her she's beautiful no matter where I am now would I? So my opinion is biased.

But hey lets flip this: "Is it alright for a girl to flirt with a waiter/cashier? "

Cause most men I think wouldn't consider being complimented on their appearance by some random girl creepy, rather most men would feel flattered. Or at least that's how I felt... Am I wrong here? 


But yeah I agree, it's very unprofessional for a guy hit on a girl just doing her job, she's already preoccupied with work atm and he's adding additional stress, f-that.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Don't guys realize that they have to be nice to you?


What I want to know is, why do you care ?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bigblue38 said:


> What I want to know is, why do you care ?


Curiosity. I've seen guys post about how they should go about asking out a waitress/cashier multiple times on this forum. It just seems like a waste of time and energy.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

This phenomenon is quite sad. In general, a man probably has absolutely no self-respect if he's willing to pursue an employee paid to be nice to him, often with the extra incentive of higher tips from desperate men.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Having SA, the idea of asking out a waitress or cashier has never occurred to me.

Being the front line of customer service these girls get attention. They never see the girl with SA who's hiding out in back doing inventory.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'll say this and shut up because I have a distinct feeling at least 50% of people reading what I type don't like what I type but I'm being real here. So this is what I believe, and I'm sorry you don't agree (for those of you who don't agree {most likely women})...

You are a woman. I am a man. If I see you and I want to approach you I will approach. Sometimes you will not like that and I'm sorry for that. You see, you are attractive to me and I don't waste opportunities. And while in your head you may think I'm a loser-creeper for trying, and you may think I look like a donkey's ***, I can respect that. When you say no i say OK...

Do I want to respect you? Yes. Do I want to approach you? Yes. Am I going to go back to my afriad-to-approach days where I'm terrified to say hello? Hell no. I don't see it as a big deal. I actually think this thread is a huge misinterpretation for the awesome guys like myself who if were to say something to a woman at a cashier position it'd be a compliment and an invitation. I don't make rude gestures and I don't gawk; I can take a hint and I understand and respect that decision.

Basically, I don't see it as a bad thing, and I'm not gonna treat women badly. It's not a big ****ing deal in my mind. For those who literally creep you the **** out, then ok, I understand that. But I view the situation as something liberating as in I see someone I think I'd like to get to know and I show my intent. Cry me a river girls. Cry me a river.

In the end, I don't treat women badly. I don't stalk and I'm not rude. Boo ****ing hoo some guy shows interest in you. Boo ****ing hoo










Haha, this picture is hilarious! Definitely got to add it to my avatar now


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

anomalous said:


> This phenomenon is quite sad. In general, a man probably has absolutely no self-respect if he's willing to pursue an employee paid to be nice to him, often with the extra incentive of higher tips from desperate men.


Aren't we full of optimism? This must mean every woman who works in this type of position is nice for money because every desperate man gives off a vibe of disgunstingness-ness....

I can see inside your soul btw. Not only that, but I can almost see your daily routines. You are obviously a man of plenty.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

We fool ourselves into thinking that she isn't a captive audience. Its a step down from approaching strippers.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> Aren't we full of optimism? This must mean every woman who works in this type of position is nice for money because every desperate man gives off a vibe of disgunstingness-ness....
> 
> I can see inside your soul btw. Not only that, but I can almost see your daily routines. You are obviously a man of plenty.


meh... no need to take it personally. If you've decided to adopt some sort of PUA mentality and chase everything that moves, more power to you (I'm dead serious). I was referring more to guys who actually develop crushes on specific girls in these positions and pay them repeat visits trying to work up the courage to initiate a relationship. That requires an unfortunate degree of self-delusion, in most cases.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

VanDamMan said:


> We fool ourselves into thinking that she isn't a captive audience. Its a step down from approaching strippers.


What does that mean?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

anomalous said:


> meh... no need to take it personally. If you've decided to adopt some sort of PUA mentality and chase everything that moves, more power to you (I'm dead serious). I was referring more to guys who actually develop crushes on specific girls in these positions and pay them repeat visits trying to work up the courage to initiate a relationship. That requires an unfortunate degree of self-delusion, in most cases.


Because I approach women I am inspiring to be a PUA? I don't approach everything that moves. I do have requirements and I do have standards after all. Personality matters a lot to me as well, but I can't guess who you are without speaking to you.

Yes, in the case of morons who pay money over and over and over again just to say their interest to a girl, then yes, they are investing and wasting way too much time on a girl, I agree.

But how many times does a guy visit a cashier repeatedly saying the same thing over and over and over after she says no> Even a guy who visits the same place because he can't work up the courage to approach her, she has no idea until he makes his move. And if he makes his move and is the RARE case of stalkers out there who do it over and over again, then OK, that's freakin' weird. But that doesn't apply to most men

You are a beacon of light in this dark cruel world. Keep shining brotha


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Nothing wrong with approaching a girl that's working. Trying to chat her up for several minutes and distracting her from doing her job is one thing, but telling her you think she's adorable and would love to get some coffee some time with her is endearing and perfectly fine. Just because a guy approaches a girl at work doesn't mean he is a pick up artist. It doesn't mean he's creepy. Most of the time, it just means he doesn't want to miss an opportunity to get to know someone he finds attractive physically and/or personality-wise.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> What does that mean?


That the exchange of conversation isn't on equal terms. You have no idea of knowing how much is their job and how much they truly like you. I've gone out to strip bars with friends who were quite convinced that the stripper that gave them a lap dance actually want to know them more personally...sexually. I'm no exception, I've hit on waitresses when I was younger and drunk. It was just easier cause you've already broken the ice and if she says no, she would be nice about it.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

VanDamMan said:


> That the exchange of conversation isn't on equal terms. You have no idea of knowing how much is their job and how much they truly like you. I've gone out to strip bars with friends who were quite convinced that the stripper that gave them a lap dance actually want to know them more personally...sexually. I'm no exception, I've hit on waitresses when I was younger and drunk. It was just easier cause you've already broken the ice and if she says no, she would be nice about it.


So what's the problem then? If you ask her out and she says no, you move on. If she says yes, then you're golden. Why even bother thinking about how much of her being nice is put on? You just ask her out or ask for her number straight up and there's the answer.

I agree that insecure or dumb guys can get sucked into the whole thing, but if you're not retarded about it then you can approach it in a sensible way.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

rymo said:


> So what's the problem then? If you ask her out and she says no, you move on. If she says yes, then you're golden. Why even bother thinking about how much of her being nice is put on? You just ask her out or ask for her number straight up and there's the answer.
> 
> I agree that insecure or dumb guys can get sucked into the whole thing, but if you're not retarded about it then you can approach it in a sensible way.


Anyone can do anything they want. For me personally, if I had to travel back in time, I probably would've been a little less aggressive. Imagine you have some crappy waiter/waitress job and your customers whom you are hoping to get a tip from ask you out. Not only do you not want to loose the tip but you are afraid of you'll be reported as giving bad service if you don't say yes. It just puts the server in an uncomfortable spot. I'm not saying don't do it. But just keep in mind of the social roles and power at play.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

VanDamMan said:


> Anyone can do anything they want. For me personally, if I had to travel back in time, I probably would've been a little less aggressive. Imagine you have some crappy waiter/waitress job and your customers whom you are hoping to get a tip from ask you out. Not only do you not want to loose the tip but you are afraid of you'll be reported as giving bad service if you don't say yes. It just puts the server in an uncomfortable spot. I'm not saying don't do it. But just keep in mind of the social roles and power at play.


You're right, it's best to do it after you're done and you've given your tip. Hence the classic "number on the receipt" routine.


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## Doomed (Jul 29, 2012)

There is a difference between a cold approach and making a polite gesture to a cashier/waitress that you find attractive, and if you've already had positive interactions with her in the past, why not try. But obviously if she says no you can never return to the same place again so that's I don't even try.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

I got a lot of guys asking me out when I was working at this ice-cream place (particularly Friday and Saturday nights). I don't think I was very welcoming or approachable, due to SA obviously. I never flirt. I just think they see it as good target practice because it's not a total cold approach, they have an excuse to talk to you since they're buying something. And often they feel they're out of earshot of others, so if they're declined (I always did) they're not totally embarrassed and can just avoid the place afterwards.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

VanDamMan said:


> We fool ourselves into thinking that she isn't a captive audience. Its a step down from approaching strippers.


That's true. They can't walk away or anything.

I've had lots of guys come on to me at bars (which was expected) but I could just ignore them or walk off if I didn't feel like talking to them (and I often did). I didn't have to politely say no thank you and engage them in conversation.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

diamondheart89 said:


> Why would you approach someone in their place ofwork? That's just disrespectful and annoying.


The only cashier I know (or well, knew) actually was complaining she wasn't getting hit on enough and asked rhetorically if she had to put up a sign saying she was single to be asked.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

I always wondered that myself. Then again the majority of us are saps and a^%holes. So what do you expect?


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

I couldn't imagine approaching a girl at a grocery store, as I already hate being there to begin with. The grocery store is in my top 5 places that induce anxiety, so the thought of holding up a line just for the off chance that the girl working there would want to talk to a shaking, nervous wreck like myself is out of the equation.

Maybe if there was no one else in line, and she was giving me bedroom eyes from across the store, but I certainly wouldn't take the initiative.

As for waitresses, forget that, they get hit on far too often. My sister has literally 20 different guys hitting on her every night at the lounge she works at.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

I've asked out a cashier once. Gave her my phone number and email on a note. Didn't ask her because she had to be nice to me or anything. I just thought she was cute at the time, so after gathering up a lot of courage, I went for it.
She told me via an email that she had a boyfriend since three months. Whether it's true or not I do not know, nor do I really care. I'm just glad that I had the balls to do it.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

pineapplebun said:


> Also, many of the waitresses especially are hired based on looks from what I see. They're usually really hot so yeah.


I don't know where you eat but I've seen a lot of ugly waitresses. Lol


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## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

little toaster said:


> Yeah, but they don't have to smile every time you talk to them, or even laugh at what you say.
> 
> They also don't have to keep making eye contact whenever I look at them. They can just give me the stink eye or something like that to make me quit staring. lol
> 
> There's one comment I really want to make, but it would just start a huge debate.


I completely agree with you. If I don't like a guy and I sense he is about to make a move and regret it, i will give him an abundance of body language to indicate he shouldnt make the move. I feel thats only appropriate and the nice thing to do. Anything else would be leading on.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

prior to today i would have probably agreed that hitting on waitresses is a lost cause. but i just came back from buffalo wild wings and noticed the waitress who i had a friendly convo with while my buddies howled over denver bronco fumbles wrote what i assume is her phone number down on my copy of the check. so i get the captive audience concept but life just taught me that its not a given and if you get a good feeling about someone then it doesnt hurt to be friendly towards them from the get go.


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## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

SPC said:


> prior to today i would have probably agreed that hitting on waitresses is a lost cause. but i just came back from buffalo wild wings and noticed the waitress who i had a friendly convo with while my buddies howled over denver bronco fumbles wrote what i assume is her phone number down on my copy of the check. so i get the captive audience concept but life just taught me that its not a given and if you get a good feeling about someone then it doesnt hurt to be friendly towards them from the get go.


Definitely doesnt hurt to be friendly.. if i notice a guy is being reallly friendly/nice toward me, i would be inclined to give my number in that situation too if i thought he was cute. If he was not nice, i wouldnt do it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

VanDamMan said:


> That the exchange of conversation isn't on equal terms. You have no idea of knowing how much is their job and how much they truly like you. I've gone out to strip bars with friends who were quite convinced that the stripper that gave them a lap dance actually want to know them more personally...sexually. I'm no exception, I've hit on waitresses when I was younger and drunk. It was just easier cause you've already broken the ice and if she says no, she would be nice about it.


Yeah, honestly, I'd feel lame if I hit on a stripper who was giving me a lap dance, which is exactly why I don't go to strip clubs in the first place. Just the idea of paying a woman to dance for me seems stupid.

But given the scenario of a girl I want to show my interest to as a cashier, she may get that a lot but she probably gets that other places too so w/e. I'm not going to make it extremely uncomfortable for her and I'm not going to be like, "Hey babe. So I saw you while I was ordering my food and I gotta say toots i wanted to ask you if you had any fries with that shake?"


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

VanDamMan said:


> We fool ourselves into thinking that she isn't a captive audience. Its a step down from approaching strippers.


This thread should've ended with this.



bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, honestly, I'd feel lame if I hit on a stripper who was giving me a lap dance, which is exactly why I don't go to strip clubs in the first place. Just the idea of paying a woman to dance for me seems stupid.
> 
> But given the scenario of a girl I want to show my interest to as a cashier, she may get that a lot but she probably gets that other places too so w/e. I'm not going to make it extremely uncomfortable for her and I'm not going to be like, "Hey babe. So I saw you while I was ordering my food and I gotta say toots i wanted to ask you if you had any fries with that shake?"


Do you not get that you're not the first/last to do this? It gets old really fast. Few women are flattered by these approaches. It's uncomfortable regardless because you feel trapped. You don't know how to respond, if someone is around you it makes you feel self-conscious, and Christ, it's disrespectful. Go to a bar and do that. Not to your local Walgreens...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Do you not get that you're not the first/last to do this? It gets old really fast. Few women are flattered by these approaches. It's uncomfortable regardless because you feel trapped. You don't know how to respond, if someone is around you it makes you feel self-conscious, and Christ, it's disrespectful. Go to a bar and do that. Not to your local Walgreens...


I get this, and I understand a cashier probably isn't the best scenario, but where else are we supposed to meet women when dating sites are like hugely competitive and a lot of women don't go to bars to be "hit on". Through friends? There is so much complexity and randomness in that it seems so very random.

I think a big problem is that a lot of men feel like going to a bar to meet a girl is MORE awkward than having a chat at a grocery store, and a lot of guys recognize the lameness of online, especially with the large competition because "that's where women go to meet guys". Are we supported to visit single events every weekend where most of the girls probably won't be that interesting or what we want, and then we do get in the setting all the guys use that opportunity to talk to the girl because everywhere is "socially unacceptable".

I don't hit on cashiers. I don't think I have have because I don't want to go to the same store over and over and see that person over and over and make it awkward....

Usually I'd agree with you and call it that and leave it at that, but online sucks. Maybe I suck online. Maybe I'm ugly, w/e. But online sucks in my opinion, so online is out. Bars are late at night, loud, alcohol involved, dranktards, and women go in packs so you need to befriend the group or go through the wave or guys who view the opportunity to approach, to approach. It isn't like a window of opportunity to approach either because women are usuall y very socially active in a bar so you need to "cut in" a lot, etc. Meeting through friends seems prime but it is way more complex than I think people give it credit for and very random.

With all that said, I can't blame a man for trying to meet a woman at a waitress or cashier position, just as much as I can't blame a woman for getting upset for that being the main spot to get hit on.

But if you want to help guys out, what would be your ideal place to meet men if you were interested? I'm curious.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Do you not get that you're not the first/last to do this? It gets old really fast.


Do women not get hit on other places too?

What would be your ideal place to meet a guy (considering you aren't a lesbian [not even trying to be sarcastic there])?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Where women want to get "hit on":



Anywhere she feels best in any given situation when she wants it if she wants it.


Gee, thanks for the great advice and tips.


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## john1990 (Oct 20, 2012)

being a man sucks, were the one who always have to asking girls out...

( but i know it sucks too for girls cause they always been asked out everyday by strangers.... )

why we are not compatible with each other? i hope i'm born gay


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

rymo said:


> When a guy doesn't have any pretty girls talking to him on a regular basis, a friendly cashier or waitress can give them that [potentially] false hope. When a guy does talk to pretty girls on a regular basis, a friendly cashier or waitress could just be an interesting challenge or they don't really care about rejection anyway and then the girl's occupation is irrelevant.
> 
> Ultimately, this question implies that it's not okay to get rejected and in that case a guy shouldn't go after a waitress/cashier, when in reality they should go after anyone and everyone that they want to.


Couldn't have said it better. A good question is why komorikun would want to discourage us from challenging our social anxiety.

I worked a register tonight and would be flattered by any female attention.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

AllToAll said:


> This thread should've ended with this.
> 
> Do you not get that you're not the first/last to do this? It gets old really fast. Few women are flattered by these approaches. It's uncomfortable regardless because you feel trapped. You don't know how to respond, if someone is around you it makes you feel self-conscious, and Christ, it's disrespectful. Go to a bar and do that. Not to your local Walgreens...


Maybe _you _feel trapped but I'm sure not everyone woman. After all, you have SA. And how is approaching someone disrespectful?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> Maybe having a higher success rate will help to build up a higher confidence. If some guy with low confidence decides to ask out 10 women who have shown him zero interest, being rejected 10 times isn't going to help him any. I agree though that too many guys (and girls) focus/obsess way too much on one person/crush and just need to get over it and look for the next one. I learned from going to bars and clubs that you can't focus too much on one person. You have to just keep rolling.


Yes it will, because he will see that rejection doesn't kill him.


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## StayingMotivated (Sep 5, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Don't guys realize that they have to be nice to you?


no they don't know that lol they probably also see it as a nice opportunity since you have to be nice even if declining.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Couldn't have said it better. A good question is why komorikun would want to discourage us from challenging our social anxiety.
> 
> I worked a register tonight and would be flattered by any female attention.


I'm sure there are better ways to challenge your social anxiety than pester people working that can't escape. You know like talk to a classmate/co-worker or someone at a bar.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> I'm sure there are better ways to challenge your social anxiety than pester people working that can't escape. You know like talk to a classmate/co-worker or someone at a bar.


Hmm, I would never feel pestered if someone displayed interest in me. Also, I have the feeling it wouldn't be considered pestering if the woman was really attracted to the guy.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

srschirm said:


> Hmm, I would never feel pestered if someone displayed interest in me. Also, I have the feeling it wouldn't be considered pestering if the woman was really attracted to the guy.


Don't listen to what women say.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Hmm, I would never feel pestered if someone displayed interest in me. Also, I have the feeling it wouldn't be considered pestering if the woman was really attracted to the guy.


How would you feel about having your butt pinched by a less than attractive woman as you walk through a crowded room?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> How would you feel about having your butt pinched by a less than attractive woman as you walk through a crowded room?


Lol. I would just laugh it off. Big deeaaaal.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Lol. I would just laugh it off. Big deeaaaal.


I rest my case.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I rest my case.


Pinch my butt!!!!!!!


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## john1990 (Oct 20, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Lol. I would just laugh it off. Big deeaaaal.


i have this experience. While i was still in high school, i was on a train and this girl ( shes older maybe 22-28 years old and i'm still 16 years old ) sit besides me, and she suddenly asking me if i'm married or not, ( WTF!!! ) she said i'm handsome and cute and she asked my number. I'm shocked and creeped out and i give her false number. I still try to follow conversation and ask her where she works , and she said she work on hotel. I really scared and got off the train on nearest stop ( although my school is still far lol!! i'm really pathetic) and i remember she said she would call me. I feel so guilty after that imagining she call the wrong number i gave her ( but maybe she did not really care lol ), actually i could just say no.

But yes, being ask and flirted by women is not always flattering, especially if the way they ask you is creepy ( like the way she asked me i'm married or not, i was still in high school for god sake!! and i didn't look old i swear lol !!! ). And i would be creep out if a girl act too agresive towards me.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Because waitresses, bartenders, hostesses and other service related positions have a lot of really friendly and good looking women. So naturally when an attractive woman is overly nice we feel good. Most guys realize they are just being flirty for the tips.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> How would you feel about having your butt pinched by a less than attractive woman as you walk through a crowded room?


Wouldn't really bother me, honestly. It would be a departure from the norm, but I wouldn't be upset.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Usually, you're right OP. I did get asked out by a 19-year-old coed waitress at a tavern I was a regular at once, which caught me completely off-guard. And I stop at a gas station and convenience store where this one cute cashier follows me around flirting with me, but for the most part the "hon's and sweeties" you get are more the friendly variety that they use on everyone.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> How would you feel about having your butt pinched by a less than attractive woman as you walk through a crowded room?


I wouldn't care all that much.

I was standing in line for a ride at Knott's and this girl came up behind me, put her nose in my back and sniffed me and then she went and hid behind her friends
It didn't bother me too much, I just thought it was funny and kinda cute in a way.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

I think people are missing the point here, it's only sexual harassment if it is unwanted. If you like it it's not harassment.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I was gone for a week or so, so sorry if this discussion has "gotten old."



bwidger85 said:


> I get this, and I understand a cashier probably isn't the best scenario, but where else are we supposed to meet women when dating sites are like hugely competitive and a lot of women don't go to bars to be "hit on". Through friends? There is so much complexity and randomness in that it seems so very random.


Bars, clubs, parties, concerts, shows, if you're in college the quad, etc. Any place where people go to socialize. It's true that you'll get women who say they don't like that, but women will give you hints in these scenarios when they _do_ want to be approached.
If you go up to a group of girls, and The Girl you're approaching didn't give you the smile that confirms she's interested, obviously she's going to find you annoying. When I go out with friends I don't mind if a guy approaches me. It's freaking flattering! But don't come over to me out of the blue, grab my hand and expect me to be interested... Hopefully you go about this in a different way.



> I think a big problem is that a lot of men feel like going to a bar to meet a girl is MORE awkward than having a chat at a grocery store, and a lot of guys recognize the lameness of online, especially with the large competition because "that's where women go to meet guys". Are we supported to visit single events every weekend where most of the girls probably won't be that interesting or what we want, and then we do get in the setting all the guys use that opportunity to talk to the girl because everywhere is "socially unacceptable".


It is awkward. For you and for myself, but that's how most people go about it. You know, average people. I guess the thing is not thinking, "I'm going tonight to hit on some girls!" But just go out with a couple of friends and scope out the room. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't...
By the way, this whole meeting someone at the grocery store thing happens a lot less than we'd like to admit.



> I don't hit on cashiers. I don't think I have have because I don't want to go to the same store over and over and see that person over and over and make it awkward....
> 
> Usually I'd agree with you and call it that and leave it at that, but online sucks. Maybe I suck online. Maybe I'm ugly, w/e. But online sucks in my opinion, so online is out. Bars are late at night, loud, alcohol involved, dranktards, and women go in packs so you need to befriend the group or go through the wave or guys who view the opportunity to approach, to approach. It isn't like a window of opportunity to approach either because women are usuall y very socially active in a bar so you need to "cut in" a lot, etc. Meeting through friends seems prime but it is way more complex than I think people give it credit for and very random.


Online does suck. It ****ing sucks. I had a profile up for three days, and it was enough to run away and cancel that **** fast. 
I think it also depends on the type of bar you go to. When I do go out, I hang out in small bars in Brooklyn, and I see people befriending strangers all the time. If I could keep eye-contact with someone for more than a second, I bet you I'd already gotten a date. 
Again, it's true that girls/people usually go in groups, but if you make your presence known before actually approaching (i.e. eye contact, smiling, etc) she'll let you know if she wants you to come over. And I know because I've seen it! My friends have left me alone because guys approach them, and they don't have to be super handsome if you can ultimately keep up a conversation. 
Go to Brooklyn? 



> With all that said, I can't blame a man for trying to meet a woman at a waitress or cashier position, just as much as I can't blame a woman for getting upset for that being the main spot to get hit on.
> 
> But if you want to help guys out, what would be your ideal place to meet men if you were interested? I'm curious.


I can't blame a nice guy with SAD for trying, but most guys who approach women in these scenarios aren't nice guys. Also, we're working! Would you start hitting on your lawyer while she's trying to help you out? No, so why would you hit on a girl who's trying to take your order, get a tip, and go home?



bwidger85 said:


> Do women not get hit on other places too?
> 
> What would be your ideal place to meet a guy (considering you aren't a lesbian [not even trying to be sarcastic there])?


I mentioned a few places above, but my favorite would be a music show, festival or concert. It's a safe space, she's going to be interested because you both are into similar music, there are things to talk about and there won't be an awkward silence...

Over all, though, I think men overestimate how often women are approached at bars.



srschirm said:


> Maybe _you _feel trapped but I'm sure not everyone woman. After all, you have SA. And how is approaching someone disrespectful?


I feel trapped in how to respond, and not actually trapped in a claustrophobic sense. How do you tell the person, flat-out no, without risking your tip or getting a complaint? It's an uncomfortable situation, and if you read one of my previous posts you'd know it's not_ just_ me and my SAD.


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

komorikun said:


> If I were a guy I wouldn't waste my time asking women who have showed zero interest in me unless I was either good looking or didn't get nervous asking complete strangers out. It's even worse asking a waitress or cashier out than some random stranger on the street. Cause then they have to be all polite when rejecting you in order to not get fired. And on top of that going to that store/restaurant again would be uncomfortable.


Thing is... where IS a man supposed to meet women?

It's kind of complicated. People don't wanna remain foreveralone.

I mean, it seems awkward and not the time or place to ask someone at work like that (most of the time anyway), but then... do you approach randomers on the street? That can feel very awkward too.

But then what's left?



AllToAll said:


> Anyways, as someone who's had men flirt with me while on the job, I can guarantee you it's not flattering. Annoying and embarrassing, quite frankly. So how about if those of you exercising your "approach" skills on waitresses/sales associates/cashiers waste your time elsewhere؟
> Like we need to put up with more bull**** for the sake of some random guy's confidence.


Sure... and it's easy to understand that... but still, if anyone wants to get to know anybody, then somebody has to make the first move, and that has to be done somewhere but someone... that someone always being the man of course .

And things like this is why men develop a fear of women. They don't want to come off like some kind of weirdo but then it's so hard to strike up a conversation in a way that doesn't feel weird. Then you don't even know if you like someone unless you're talking to them for a while... but of course you have to approach for that... and naturally, all women have this idea that all men want instant filthy sex all of the time and nothing else so it doesn't really matter what you do or say, you're on the back foot from the off. Like you're some kind of secret rapist.

Any women here: how WOULD you like to be approached, and where/when?

I mean... you could go to a club, but... that seems kinda forced to me on some level. I also have a possibly quite prejudiced and wrong idea of the kind of women you'd get from picking them up at clubs. Dunno.

I mean, it's understandable that women wouldn't like to be approached all the time... that would get annoying and all no matter what mindset you started out with, but the whole relationship situation in life is also a pretty annoying situation for men because it can seem almost impossible to even find out if you'd be interested in someone. It's like you have to make such an effort just to begin, and then it's like some kind of a privilege that they're even having a conversation and with all that effort to put in... she could turn out a complete annoyance you have no interest in at all after all that.
And this is surely from the system of "men must approach, women don't need to approach" that exists. Who's fault is that? I dunno. Men at least as much as women for seeming so... desperate I guess. But then do they have a choice? If men didn't approach women, there would be nobody left alive in 200 years. Naturally, women aren't going to feel the need to approach men if they get enough attention already and all they need is to give the slightest of hints to have it all fall into their laps (not saying it's necessarily always that easy or for everyone or anything but you know what I mean), but then if men stop... nothing happens.

I mean, I can see where women are coming from with not liking to be approached (mind you, we're not necessarily talking about blanket-ban not approaching at all I know), but from a man's point of view... you have to approach or you'll never get anywhere, and it's a bit of a sad situation when you're forced to feel like some kind of predatory rapist just because you want to expand your social circle to include people of the opposite sex.

Meeting someone based on common interests would be nice, but where and how are you gonna do that? I dunno. Maybe in college that's possible, but after that it seems more difficult. Does seem fairly ideal though.
Then even in college... it would feel/seem weird just sitting next to a girl, because naturally again... you're some kind of borderline rapist who must have some sort of an angle :yes. Recognizing that, of course, some do just have an angle... but that's no reason to treat everyone with intense suspicion.

Does seem, personally, a bad idea to me to approach waitresses though. Maybe "stalk" them, and wait until they're on a break though?


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

srschirm said:


> Wouldn't really bother me, honestly. It would be a departure from the norm, but I wouldn't be upset.


Still, even if true... I suppose it's a matter of volume though, isn't it?

Like you say, a departure from the norm... but if it wasn't a departure from the norm, and it was something you became somewhat worried was going to happen... it would certainly turn quite sour quite quick :um

This whole asymmetrical approach system is bullcrap. It hurts everybody. Men feel like **** and women feel harassed.
But what can be done?


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Bars, clubs, parties, concerts, shows, if you're in college the quad, etc. Any place where people go to socialize. It's true that you'll get women who say they don't like that, but women will give you hints in these scenarios when they _do_ want to be approached.


But I mean, it's such a rigid load of crap though, isn't it?

Couldn't people just casually get to know each other, then see what they want to do then, instead of men having to make pure guesses and come over in a big formal way like he's asking her to some kind of really really low level marriage for 5 minutes or something?

I mean, I really don't think men and women are that incompatible. It's just formalities like this that ruin everything and turn people against each other.

Maybe :b. It's just a thought.

I mean FFS, do you really have to decide whether or not you want to have sex with a girl before you even know anything about her? That seems to be the way the system works. You've either got to fully commit yourself, or don't bother. There's no just talking and seeing what happens.

Then that's putting pressure on a man, like he's being evaluated for such an important privilege that may not come again for a long time... and that's only going to make interacts awkward.

Ugh. Why does anyone even bother? :afr

And anyway... what social activities do men and women tend to both do anyway? Even taking that angle... it can be hard to think. I mean, concerts are fine but even then you're in theory supposed to be paying attention to the music and all. Not like something where you're actually doing stuff and may have time to talk to someone.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

10/10

(ps. komorikun linked to this thread in another thread, I'm not randomly necroing)


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Damn cashiers are really nosey people. Especially them cute chicks.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

Don't know. I prefer to do the serving myself.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> How would you feel about having your butt pinched by a less than attractive woman as you walk through a crowded room?


Hmm..not sure how getting pinched in the butt and approaching a waitress is similar.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I've never asked anyone out on a date, ever... Kind of ironic I often get mistaken as a rather good looking or suave guy, SA really messed me up, I don't even want to believe in love anymore. Sorry to generalize, this is my own personal biased opinion, due to my specific experience so far.

Okay so I'm not allowed to ask out waitresses and cashiers, I sadly feel the same way, women like you have brainwashed me into thinking it's always inappropriate, even when it's the same workers there making me nervous by checking me out. Oh but I dare not speak to them aside from keeping it strictly business, quick and polite.

Also, I'm not allowing myself to flirt with coworkers because I'm afraid of sexual harassment, even though I constantly catch these same women commenting on good looking men and complaining they're invisible to these guys in question and only seem to attract the "creeps", some are not even attractive themselves, complaining that they are sick and tired of being not just hit on, but just talked to by creepy men.


Oh woe is them, their beauty is their curse, hahaha they have it so hard, cry me a river. I'm starting to get more and more frustrated each day. Evidently I make girls already uncomfortable due to my shyness and it's never worked out for a decade, time to change it up and try something new. I'll start small and just be like, oh by the way, I think you look really cute, anyways see ya. Just to raise their self esteem and mine as well most importantly for finding the balls to do so. I hate these stupid games, there are so many requirements and made up rules, it's holding me back. What's messed up is that if I met my gender opposite, as in a shy, timid, average good looking, half Asian girl, she would have guys constantly flocking towards her. 

I should be proud of myself, I have a car, a job, average intelligence, too wise for my own good, and I'm average looking. I'm being egotistical at the moment now, but if you met me in real life, you'd think I was too humble or modest. I'm already disheartened and am already sick of the numbers game and I haven't even started playing it not really. So I have mostly myself to blame. I intend to learn to not have a care about something as trivial. Oh these girls have it hard enough? At least they have a job unlike most people these days, the burden of being deemed attractive comes with the territory. As long as these men aren't too pushy or forward, quick and polite, and not crossing any boundaries, I don't see a problem. How do you think people who never receive such attention ever feel? 

People regret more not taking chances. All I've ever done my entire life was fear rejection, I don't even want to be apart of this world anymore half the time, yet I'm trying to fix myself, if I have to ruin a few good looking girl's days by subtly complimenting them on their appearance for practice, then so be it. I have a surge of confidence because of the substantial raise I received and I've never done this before, but I intend to soon before it passes and I quickly fall into a deep brooding depression again...

Everyone's entitled to their opinions, and if there was a draft for WWIII I would fight to the death defending that right. Mostly because I'm tired of living but free speech is important. Eh, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, disregard all of this. Nobody cares anyways, these are first world problems...

My problem is I have a sense of propriety, yet I'm hiding behind it mostly because of my fear of rejection. Unless I'm willing to make sacrifices, I'll never be able to change anything. I don't like myself, no one does, time to adapt and learn to be proud of myself. I hate having SA, I'll always have it, yet if I found a girl that made me feel more alive and actually happy for once, who felt the same miraculously, I wouldn't mind as much. I'm tired of feeling like such a loser when I'm not... I see actual genuine losers in this world find love, and I envy them, what in the hell is up with this generation? Sigh...

Edit: Lame, reading through this thread has smashed a huge dent in my confidence today. Sucks because there are two new girls at work, both are really cute and are getting hit on constantly by my coworkers, some have even received numbers. Even men who are already dating are chatting them up... Then there's me, shy timid, polite me, just silently ashamed at myself and stressed out at work. I wish I could take up drinking, video games don't even help me cope anymore lately.

Oh boo hoo man, grow up. The only reason I feel like a child is because of my inexperience with girls, this doesn't seem right at all, I shouldn't need a girl's affection to feel like a man, and yet we men are genetically programmed to feel as such.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Probably because they want to go out with them.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

What if a hot, bf material type of guy asks you out while you're working? Do you pass him up because it's inappropriate?


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Honestly I don't have a problem with guys hitting on girls in most cases. Now how they approach may be a problem. Here's my 2 cents if the girl finds you attractive she won't mind when you hit on her. If she doesn't then its an "issue". Even then most women are flattered by being approached unless the guy was disrespectful or creepy, which I highly doubt most guys are.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Jesuszilla said:


> Honestly I don't have a problem with guys hitting on girls in most cases. Now how they approach may be a problem. Here's my 2 cents if the girl finds you attractive she won't mind when you hit on her. If she doesn't then its an "issue". Even then most women are flattered by being approached unless the guy was disrespectful or creepy, which I highly doubt most guys are.


Isn't that always the case, regardless of the setting?


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## namebn (Mar 12, 2013)

little toaster said:


> Yeah, but they don't have to smile every time you talk to them, or even laugh at what you say.
> 
> They also don't have to keep making eye contact whenever I look at them. They can just give me the stink eye or something like that to make me quit staring. lol
> 
> There's one comment I really want to make, but it would just start a huge debate.


don't forget the ones who though not wearing a low cut shirt, you still see everything the second they make the slightest bend.


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## SlickRoach (Sep 21, 2013)

So basically the best option is to just pretend that cashiers and waitresses are only being nice for extra tips and don't care about the customers otherwise, is that right?


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

Meh, it's a social avenue that opens up conversation and breaks the ice - even in a business setting, I suppose.

I dunno. Me, I like to execute my business transactions as fast and efficiently as possible. Walk in, buy my stuff, walk out. No asking out in that process.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

Cerberus said:


> Convenience.


Yes, she's already standing there, with a pleasant smile, with shopping being the icebreaker.

It's much more difficult to speak to someone who's just walking down the street, or who sits beside you on the subway. Most of them just brush you off anyway.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

What if the opposite happens and she gives the guy her number? Equally weird. The point being: asking anyone out in any situation carries awkwardness.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

because they never had any hot women talking to them and bringing them food


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)




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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Well because that's the only women interaction i ever get. The rest just ignores me.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Donnie in the Dark said:


>


Lol I love peep show. The whole wedding debacle was just excruciating/hilarious.

Only one more season left though :cry


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

I'm guessing it's because they're the only women they meet.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

There are so many reasons.

- They are paid to act friendly towards people, which leads to misread signals

- Depending on the job they sometimes act flirty as a way to get a better tips, which also leads to misread signals

- There's something about being in a uniform that makes a person seem more attractive, can't quite explain this

- For most of us guys here, conversation with cashiers can be the only human interaction outside our families that we encounter

- It's convenient. Approaching a girl is incredibly difficult, but with cashiers we have a reason to approach and a reason to talk to them. The anticipatory anxiety is the worst, but with cashiers/waitresses we are put in a situation where we are forced to talk to the person.

- When you literally have zero communication with the opposite sex outside of cashiers for several years, it's only natural that we would feel something for a cashier, since they are like the only girls we talk to.


They are very tough to read when working and most of the times when we think something is there it's all in our head. Though I know people who have started dating this way, including my aunt and uncle who are now married. I've personally never asked out a cashier (or anyone in person for that matter), but I must admit I've had some crushes on cashiers before and would have probably asked them out if I could have mustered up the courage.


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## jasiony (Aug 15, 2010)

visualkeirockstar said:


> Well because that's the only women interaction i ever get. The rest just ignores me.


Pretty much the same for me. I always just chalk up their super friendliness to being...well friendly and that it's their job to do so.


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## Bedouin (Aug 3, 2013)

No doubt guys here only like waitresses so much because they're some of the only girls who show them any positive attention.

Girls are so much more attractive when they smile and are actually friendly and show some interest.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Micronian said:


> Yes, she's already standing there, with a pleasant smile, with shopping being the icebreaker.
> 
> It's much more difficult to speak to someone who's just walking down the street, or who sits beside you on the subway. Most of them just brush you off anyway.


Exactly. They're already being friendly to you.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

Not me


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