# How I finally overcame SA!



## Humir (Oct 15, 2011)

I truly hope this helps someone out there.

I'd always been shy and quiet up until last year. I cared too much about what other people thought of me and I was always comparing myself with other people. When I saw a confident, outgoing guy, i felt envious of him. I always wished I was like him. I saw myself as inferior to him.

I was also mentally slow, couldn't focus in social situations. I thought I had ADD or learning disability or something. One time I even thought I had autism, since I'd looked up the symptoms of autism and some of those were my experience. Other people tell me that there was nothing wrong with me, but I didn't believe them. I thought there was something wrong with my brain or something, and I felt depressed and hopeless. I felt almost like giving up in life.

Last year my life began to change for the better. It started with accepting myself for who I am. Even though I had lots of issues, I finally took responsibility for all of them, and accepted them, instead of blaming other people, my upbringing and my "genetics". Finally I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

First I accepted myself, then I loved myself for who I am. But I had this dilemna that if I love myself, then how can I change? Doesn't that mean that I should settle for my flaws? I began to understand that you can accept things the way they are, and still work to improve them.

I was working with a therapist and he recommended me two books. The first one is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This booked really helped me a lot. I found out issues in my thinking that need to be resolved. It has a very good quote which says:

“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”

When I understood this, I felt some release. I understood that it is possible not to be affected by what others say.

I also learned about law of attraction and quantum physics. I learned that beliefs create our reality. If I believe that people are out to get me, then I will create that reality. If I believe that people are generally good and friendly, then I will attract a lot of friends.

I saw a big difference in social situations. Before, people would make fun of me and insult me and treat me like **** (because I treated myself like ****). Now people are much nicer, open, and loving to me.

I truly believe in the idea that people can see through our facades that we put up. We put on a mask when in front of other people so we can please other people and be accepted. Women especially are sensitive to this. They know if a guy is confident in himself or just trying to put on a show to hide his wounded self.

This is a wake up call for me. I learned to just be myself and not try to act like somebody else. I learned that people like me more when I am myself and not trying too hard.

I'll post more since there's a limit.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

positive stuff big bro such a great thing. dont go backwards son dont risk getting traped like a mouse. Party like a mongoose eyeing a young lady enjoying the moment. Wish you well


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## lostdude42 (Mar 30, 2011)

good post it all makes a lot of sense


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## crispycritter (Aug 2, 2011)

that is awesome! 
I have been going through things similar to you. It is hard to start taking responsibility for your own life and happiness, but very much worth it. This is my experience anyway...
I really liked this quote “Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
thanks for posting this


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## bluepelican (Nov 7, 2009)

Humir said:


> I was working with a therapist and he recommended me two books. The first one is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This booked really helped me a lot.


What was the other book he recommended?


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## Humir (Oct 15, 2011)

I forgot to mention the other book. It was the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's an awesome book that talks about suffering and that it is caused by not being in the present moment. Many people suffer from depression and guilt by being too much in the past, and many people suffer from anxiety by being too much in the future. I don't know if it is helpful with SA but it helped cure me of generalized anxiety and depression.

Since this forum is about social anxiety, then I'm gonna talk more about my social situations. I still have some "social weaknesses" such as not being able to talk for long, running out of things to say, mediocre sense of humor(I'm not the funniest guy in the group), poor storytelling, daydreaming, poor empathy etc.

The major difference after curing SA was that I don't feel insecure about these "social weaknesses" anymore. I don't have any negative emotion attached to any of this. I can be just as I am, and as a result other people accept me as I am. I don't have to try hard and pretend to be someone I'm not. Of course I still want to improve but if I were to be stuck with these weaknesses for the rest of my life, i'd still be fine with it. However I know that these are not set in stone and they can be improved.

Other people used to make fun of me because they saw through me. They sensed that I was an insecure guy with low self esteem. Like I said in my last post other people can see through the facade we put up. We may say all the words of a confident person, but they can notice the timing, tone of voice, and body language of a person with insecurity. After curing SA no one makes fun of me anymore (sometimes they tease me in a lighthearted way though)

Most of my negative emotions are manageable and right now I'm focusing and cultivating the positive emotions. I've grown so much since last year and it just feels awesome. Not to sound arrogant but I feel that I'm on the right track and it can only get better. I hope that I'll be able to help people here on this forum who are struggling.


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## n1kkuh (Jul 11, 2008)

Thanks for posting this. There's not enough of these types of posts on here on SAS. Sometimes this place can be a toxic cesspool of negativity, that can only reinforce people's jaded and cynical views towards life, which is why I took a pretty long hiatus from here. Its good to have some people who have dealt with the issues and are earnestly looking to recover from their issues to share their viewpoint.

I've read Tolle too and loved his book. In fact, his book sparked me on what you could say is a spiritual journey into finding my true self (remember the night where Eckhart realized the dichotomy between the self that was thinking and the other self that was witness the thinking? That's the self I'm talking about!) So within the past year or two I've become a much more functional person-in the sense that my grades are up, communication skills are better, and all of that stuff. But still, I don't want to settle just for that, I yearn for something deeper, and I sense the same in you.

I also still struggle with globs of SA that seem to come up out of no where, or when certain events may trigger it. I want to find a good therapist, but they're just so darn hard to find these days, and there's so many of them! Their's also the $$ issue involved as well. I'm thinking of skyping a few therapists that I know are good, but are not in the area, but still not sure about the $$ issue involved.

Anyway, I digress.

I wish you the best. And I hope you can provide some of the members here who are suffering, yet willing to listen and to step off of the wheel of endless suffering, with some well placed guidance.


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## iRock365 (Nov 10, 2011)

Good for you!!! Im sure it feels amazing to no longer suffer and have to deal with such inner conflicts. I don't know you, but I want to say that I am proud of you for making such progress and coming as far as you have. I feel inspired and motivated to make some changes in my own life and I hope that I will be successful like you. Good luck with this and I hope you continue to make progress and grow as a person.


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## tuffluck (Feb 9, 2007)

Great post! I am going to get those books.. I will try the power of now first.


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## fazzy (Nov 13, 2011)

wow, so happy for you


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

Humir said:


> Other people used to make fun of me because they saw through me. They sensed that I was an insecure guy with low self esteem. Like I said in my last post other people can see through the facade we put up. We may say all the words of a confident person, but they can notice the timing, tone of voice, and body language of a person with insecurity. After curing SA no one makes fun of me anymore (sometimes they tease me in a lighthearted way though)


What did you do during the healing part? Did you fake it until you made it, so to speak, or were you just your insecure self and naturally started to get less insecure?


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## sickofshyness (Oct 18, 2011)

Thanks for posting some truly helpful information!!!! I'd also like to know as Phoenix above asked, did you "fake it till you make it" or did all the anxiety just instantly go away when you thought these new thoughts?


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## lonelychild (Jun 18, 2013)

Humir said:


> I forgot to mention the other book. It was the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's an awesome book that talks about suffering and that it is caused by not being in the present moment. Many people suffer from depression and guilt by being too much in the past, and many people suffer from anxiety by being too much in the future. I don't know if it is helpful with SA but it helped cure me of generalized anxiety and depression.
> 
> Hey bro, I also read that book too it made me ackowledge my problem. It's kind of a tough book to understand since it makes a connection between Buddhism, Christianity and New Age beliefs. I am glad that you were able to overcome SA and hope a better future for you my friend.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

Well done and thanks for sharing your story  After thinking and reading about the anxiety problem for many years, I also believe that the real cure to anxiety is acceptance. My problem is that I haven't learned to accept myself yet, but I'm trying 

I read 'the power of now' but didn't like it, I'm not a very spiritual person (to put it mildly!) so a lot of the messages he gives in that book are impossible for me to swallow. I did find a book that addresses the anxiety problem in the same way, but does it from a more scientific angle and leaves all the spiritual and mystical stuff to one side. It's called 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris and the idea of acceptance being to solution makes perfect sense to me after reading that book.


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## Douhnut77 (Jun 6, 2013)

Haha my boy! This is awesome, I began to feel significantly happier and alive when I started getting into all this quantum physics spirituality stuff too. 

"Its not what you look at that matters, but what you see" -Emerson


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Humir said:


> It was the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.


His name keeps popping up. I guess I have to read that book. I know he has inspired a lot of people.

Can you give us concrete examples of how you are different now?


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