# Overwhelming feel that you're not deserving of anything



## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

Who else has this feeling arise from time to time?

About three months ago I left Texas and my job of 3 years to return here to the northwest. Originally it was supposed to be Portland because an old friend invited me but that didn't work out so I ended up returning to my old home in Washington, with my dad. He and the family seemed fine with having me around but I just feel like a leech. I had been sleeping on a futon but he recently bought a fairly nice bed for my room. It looks like the nicest one in the house and I can't help but think I don't deserve it. I'm the only person in this house of 5 without a job and I rarely leave the house. The feeling got so strong last night that I got off the bed and slept on the floor.

If we're ever out grocery shopping for the house, if he mentions if I want something I usually like, I tell him I don't really feel like having them or that I'm fine without them because I don't want people spending money on me. I try to eat as little as possible, both because I'm paranoid about getting fat and because I don't even think I deserve this food.

I don't deserve any of the good fortune in my life. Not my car, not this roof over my head, not this damn bed I'm sitting on right now. So many people have it so much worse than I and would be able to appreciate my life much more than me if they had it. They would be able to make something of themselves and repay the kindnesses they receive.

But not me. I haven't earned a thing.


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## DarknessVisible (Nov 6, 2011)

Yes I feel the same way a lot of the time. I don't know where it comes from. Brain chemistry? Fate? Karmic punishment? Of course it fits the guilty minded to just explain it as "I'm a foul natured, ungrateful person." I wonder if knowing the reason would even help to end it. A few weeks ago I felt this feeling even after volunteering 5 hours out in the hot sun. I felt guilty to eat free lunch with the other workers after, and take home a couple of things I was given. I don't know how to fix it man but I can empathize.

Oh one thing I want to add... people who accept help gracefully feel really good to be around. It might help to try and be more like them. When someone offers you something, the natural thought is "No! I don't deserve it!", but remember that this is an opportunity to make them feel good and they will like you for it.


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

Siertes said:


> Who else has this feeling arise from time to time?
> 
> About three months ago I left Texas and my job of 3 years to return here to the northwest. Originally it was supposed to be Portland because an old friend invited me but that didn't work out so I ended up returning to my old home in Washington, with my dad. He and the family seemed fine with having me around but I just feel like a leech. I had been sleeping on a futon but he recently bought a fairly nice bed for my room. It looks like the nicest one in the house and I can't help but think I don't deserve it. I'm the only person in this house of 5 without a job and I rarely leave the house. The feeling got so strong last night that I got off the bed and slept on the floor.
> 
> ...


I feel this way too.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

Siertes said:


> I don't deserve any of the good fortune in my life. Not my car, not this roof over my head, not this damn bed I'm sitting on right now. So many people have it so much worse than I and would be able to appreciate my life much more than me if they had it. They would be able to make something of themselves and repay the kindnesses they receive.
> 
> But not me. I haven't earned a thing.


I feel the same as well, I so many things in my life compared to others, yet I'm not a happy person. I'm depressed the whole time.Others can barely survive and are happy and optimistic. If I could trade my life with another less fortunate person, I would. I truly dont deserve anything, I think I would be happier if I was in the streets eating from the dumpster, because that's what I deserve.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

Yeah, i feel like this a lot of the time. Like i don't deserve the good things i have. I think for me most of the feeling comes from not knowing what to do in return that would actually be appreciated.

I used to think that i didn't deserve to eat and that anything i consume is a waste and other people deserve it more than i do. But i would still get myself to eat anyway cause it is better for me to eat than the food being thrown away and me worsening in health.

I feel like all this second hand but nice stuff that people gave to me, they should have given to some better person. But then i think, no one else they know wanted it and it is better giving it to me than to throw it away. I am doing them a favor by accepting it. But i still wish i could give them something in return.

I usually feel like i don't deserve when people are truly nice to me, cause i feel like i don't know what to do for them in return that they would appreciate, besides thanking them a lot of times.

I feel like i didn't deserve to go to college, and that one is actually true because i ended up regretting what i chose and wishing i never did.

So my thinking is positive enough to keep me from physically harming myself but still keeps me feeling guilty about some stuff and not enjoy it as much as i should.


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

It's nice not to be alone. How do we go from shifting these thoughts to something more positive? Will I have to wait till my life turns around and I'm less of a burden on others?


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## thewordthatpierces (Nov 8, 2011)

Siertes said:


> Who else has this feeling arise from time to time?
> 
> About three months ago I left Texas and my job of 3 years to return here to the northwest. Originally it was supposed to be Portland because an old friend invited me but that didn't work out so I ended up returning to my old home in Washington, with my dad. He and the family seemed fine with having me around but I just feel like a leech. I had been sleeping on a futon but he recently bought a fairly nice bed for my room. It looks like the nicest one in the house and I can't help but think I don't deserve it. I'm the only person in this house of 5 without a job and I rarely leave the house. The feeling got so strong last night that I got off the bed and slept on the floor.
> 
> ...


I feel like this, well, everyday. I was LITERALLY just a few hours ago, telling my husband this....

I know why I feel like this, there are many reasons, but one big one is because as a child my father told me I didn't deserve anything and was a lazy worthless pig (on top of being beating on a regular basis by a neighborhood friend and beat up by my brother, and i don't mean play, out of anger), so I became a workaholic and anorexic, a cutter, obsessive compulsive, as well having a very severe inferiority complex and a multitude of other issues. But I have fought tooth and nail to overcome these things (I have PTSD and a severe milk allergy which causes EXTREME anxiety attacks and depression, so that hasn't helped either, lol), but I think something happens to us that will cause these feelings, whether it is a chemical imbalance or bad experiences or food that causes it, something has happened to you.

I would also say being a fellow Northwesterner, the OVER CAST WEATHER makes it 10X's worse!!!!!! If I moved from Texas to Washington/Oregon I would feel the same way! I can't work, haven't for 2yrs because of health issues, well, we have a business, but that I can't even do much for most of the time either, so I get very depressed at times, but I work really hard on telling myself positive things, which isn't easy at times when all I feel is blackness and dark feelings, but I know that keeping myself busy (going out and looking for work would most likely help your feelings of feeling worthless since you indicate you feel this way b/c you can't contribute, and also asking your parents how you can help in the mean time until you can find a job so you aren't just "leeching" but are an active contributor in the household). Most the time I am stuck in the house due to my health, but I try to keep busy by cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking, calling customers when possible, reading the Bible, reading self-improvement books, etc, etc.

We can always say someone else w/ less would appreciate what we have, and this may be true, BUT we need to be grateful where we are. You ARE where you are for a reason, whatever it may be, you're there for one, if you know someone w/ less would appreciate what you have then make the CONSCIOUS choice to appreciate it! Plus, STOP making comparisons in the first place, that will get you in to a multitude of trouble, been there done that. As soon as I start comparing, I get depressed and ungrateful and feel like a leech, but as soon as I do all I can do and know I am w/o hurting myself to do it, then I say to myself "I am doing my best." Its not easy, I'm not gonna lie and say it is, I often want to cut myself or even kill myself to get rid of these feelings, just drink a bottle of poison and be done w/ my life and stop burdening people, but I KNOW that is a TOTAL and UTTER LIE!!!! So w/ my husbands help I hold on and take it one day at a time, and when I was single, I did the same thing, one day at a time.

The best thing you can do is be open about your feelings to your family so they can help you!!!! And if you don't have supporting friends get a support group you can talk to about these things on a regular basis.  It will help a lot!

God Bless ~Amy

PS: In response to whether or not you have to wait till your circumstances change. IF you do that, you will NEVER be content or happy, you need to work on it NOW, on changing your thoughts and habits and putting yourself around positive people and seeing a counselor or getting a support group to help you through these times, DON'T go it alone! That is the worst thing you can do... I would also say read books about self-improvement, one of my favorites is "The Magic of Thinking Big".


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

Thanks for taking the time to write all that thewordthatpierces. Some very nice advice in there


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

Always felt this way due to how I grew up. I feel guilty whenever someone simply helps me pick up something if I dropped it. I end up feeling like a weak person like wow look at me.. I'm not capable of stooping down to pick up things myself even if both my hands are occupied w 458543 bags or whatever...


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## BoilingPoint (Nov 13, 2011)

JenN2791 said:


> Always felt this way due to how I grew up. I feel guilty whenever someone simply helps me pick up something if I dropped it. I end up feeling like a weak person like wow look at me.. I'm not capable of stooping down to pick up things myself even if both my hands are occupied w 458543 bags or whatever...


Yea i think an overbearing upbringing causes a lot of people to grow up with social anxiety and low self-worth. i am a preachers kid and i remember everythign being about "God doesn like this.." or everything was so overly serious and i learned to be so cautious and feel so incompetent and doubt myself a lot. i still fight with that.


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## Dr Hobo Scratch MD (Jun 24, 2011)

Siertes said:


> Who else has this feeling arise from time to time?
> 
> About three months ago I left Texas and my job of 3 years to return here to the northwest. Originally it was supposed to be Portland because an old friend invited me but that didn't work out so I ended up returning to my old home in Washington, with my dad. He and the family seemed fine with having me around but I just feel like a leech. I had been sleeping on a futon but he recently bought a fairly nice bed for my room. It looks like the nicest one in the house and I can't help but think I don't deserve it. I'm the only person in this house of 5 without a job and I rarely leave the house. The feeling got so strong last night that I got off the bed and slept on the floor.
> 
> ...


i can understand. it sounds alot like my living situation except it just me and my mom. when i was in the depths of my sh** sitting in psychiatrics for 6 years. really really f***ed up. unable to function at all. the thought of that made me feel even worse. having everything around you and you cant even use it due to mental stuff just makes you feel so defective. i know it was the last thoughts floating through my head before i had suicide attempts.

but you got to use that to motivate the hell out of yourself. let that fact of your life be a strong pillar for knowing you can function at a higher level. when i was doing my daily hour run on my cardio bike yesterday that was hitting me very hard. like dude look at everything i have around me. things are starting to clear up now. i have the perfect platform to jump to whatever damn height i want to in life. iam so blessed. going through all this and all the reading from countless books i have done through the years inhopes of fixing myself are paying off. not only that but because of that i understand reality. the real world. going through all this and uncovering reality. how our brains emotions thoughts experience of life work as humans. the"confident" people are not so. there just comfortable. nothing never happen to them. life for the most part just always went the way they wanted it. turn up the unpleasantess in life dial and watch that house crumble. i crumbled but i know more now than the specialist with the fancy initials at the end of there names. so much knowledge on so many different areas of my life that i havent even fully read or watched yet. iam building myself from the ground up. and iam fortunate to be given the enviroment and stuff and time to do so. i want this to remain. i dont ever again for one second want to take for granted what i have. it dosent have to be that way and it may not be here tomorrow.thats really hitting me hard now.

dude i have a dog i basically ignored. but the last 2 days iam damn near romantically involved with her.


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## NorseAtheist (Aug 4, 2009)

This sounds like rationalizing your SA to much. Its just a feeling i have after reading your situation. Thought, not having own apartment and relying on other people is a nightmare with no SA and infinite worse with SA i can imagine.. Some days i cant stand people at all, if i didnt have my own place maybe i would have the same feelings as you have. 

My best days these days is a full fridge of beer, a mirror full of coke and darkness.. Then im social, like now. Its pathetic, but since im 36 i already feel old


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