# Bored of life lived without work



## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

I've been without a job for two years now due to depression and SA and I find life just so very boring now. I have bad social anxiety and I can't express my feelings, thoughts and intentions so I struggle with workplace activities.I don't ever go out socially, just to the shops to get food... and I live alone. So I'm very lonely and I'm bored with life. Bored of just feeling the same range of dread, anxiety, panic and depression. I haven't even been looking for a job because there's not one job I have any hope I wouldn't hate. How can I apply for a job that I don't want? It will come across in the interview or the fact that I'll quit a few months in. 

I'm really frustrated because I feel like I have a very curious and thoughtful mind but I don't know how I can translate that into something I can be paid for. It's very unfortunate that there's no use for someone who can't talk to people. Above all I would have really wanted to be someone who added something valueable and interesting to this world but I guess that wasn't to be.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*what percentage in this category?*

low or high? 20% or 80%


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## Alexstone71 (Apr 29, 2017)

Hi you ,
I had the same several times during the years when you in the lowes try to have a gratuated plane to get out of the desperation because the longest you in it the deficult the SA gets ,ones I had 4 year low .it isn't important if you like the work ,the long you stay at home the SA get harder 
Good luck


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I truly relate to this. I've been working on and off for years-working a few months or years and then not for a few months when I leave due to the anxiety. Life can be very boring without things to fill your day or set structure. School was designed to set you up for working these 8 hr days and it feels very empty when there's that gap during the day. Try to keep yourself busy and schedule a structured full day, work on your SA and start/keep applying. Good luck.

Oh and your daily schedule can include mindfulness, stretching, exercise, get ready, eat, apply for jobs, do some self-help/therapy, learn a skill for work like programming or research education or careers you might be interested in, do a hobby or something you enjoy, do something creative, go for a walk outside, do some exposure therapy, go to the store/errand, anything the least bit social even interacting with someone on this forum or whatever you can manage (but push yourself,) read. Also set some goals daily, weekly, monthly, etc like applying for 3 jobs a day, updating your resume, focusing on your health (be specific.) All or some of this can be scheduled daily. I've done when I'm not working and my life feels better when i stick to a definite schedule, but it's difficult and I've been slacking.

Oh and btw, getting a job to keep your sanity and support yourself in the meanwhile is fine while you figure out what you really want to do. Good luck.


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## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

Alexstone71 said:


> Hi you ,
> I had the same several times during the years when you in the lowes try to have a gratuated plane to get out of the desperation because the longest you in it the deficult the SA gets ,ones I had 4 year low .it isn't important if you like the work ,the long you stay at home the SA get harder
> Good luck


It's true that you need some kind of gradual path out of the problem but it's hard to decide on the exact best steps. Thanks for the advice.



realisticandhopeful said:


> I truly relate to this. I've been working on and off for years-working a few months or years and then not for a few months when I leave due to the anxiety. Life can be very boring without things to fill your day or set structure. School was designed to set you up for working these 8 hr days and it feels very empty when there's that gap during the day. Try to keep yourself busy and schedule a structured full day, work on your SA and start/keep applying. Good luck.
> 
> Oh and your daily schedule can include mindfulness, stretching, exercise, get ready, eat, apply for jobs, do some self-help/therapy, learn a skill for work like programming or research education or careers you might be interested in, do a hobby or something you enjoy, do something creative, go for a walk outside, do some exposure therapy, go to the store/errand, anything the least bit social even interacting with someone on this forum or whatever you can manage (but push yourself,) read. Also set some goals daily, weekly, monthly, etc like applying for 3 jobs a day, updating your resume, focusing on your health (be specific.) All or some of this can be scheduled daily. I've done when I'm not working and my life feels better when i stick to a definite schedule, but it's difficult and I've been slacking.
> 
> Oh and btw, getting a job to keep your sanity and support yourself in the meanwhile is fine while you figure out what you really want to do. Good luck.


Thanks for the advice, you're right that it's good to keep a schedule but after so long it kinda feels like there's no point and no one to impress anymore. No ones checking up on me and I tend to just sleep my life away. I'm more bored with life than bored with any one particular day. I'd like to research careers but I don't feel like there's any hope for me any more. If I can muster the courage I might start with a very very basic job for the "meanwhile" like you say but I probably won't be good enough at even that


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

You remind me of what I've been through 3 years ago. Just like you, I was unemployed, unmotivated, and my outlook was bleak. I didn't think I was capable of holding down a job. I'd stay in my room in front of my PC all day, indulging in TV series, youtube clips, random internet browsing... I'd eat sugary crap and go to sleep at 4AM because of the lack of schedule.

Judging by what you wrote in your signature, it might be the same for you.

Let me tell you... This is no way to live. I was miserable.

By contrast, I now love my life.

Here's what I did to get out of my rut:

1. I've minimized instant gratification. It has forced me to face my problems instead of trying to escape from them via the digital world. Plus spending your days in front of a screen while eating Doritos turns you into an unmotivated, irritable zombie.

2. I've improved my lifestyle through healthy habits. Eating, sleeping, exercising etc...

3. I initially got a job as a cashier, just to get used to interacting with people again. All you gotta do is count change properly, and routinely repeat the same boring sentences to every customer. Two skills that I'm sure you could handle. It gave me a boost in confidence, as I realized I was capable of holding down a job. Even if it's a low-qualifications one.

I recommend that you check out my recent thread, in which I talk about the progress I've made. I'm sure it'll motivate you and give you some hope.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

MakeEatDirt said:


> I've been without a job for two years now due to depression and SA and I find life just so very boring now. I have bad social anxiety and I can't express my feelings, thoughts and intentions so I struggle with workplace activities.I don't ever go out socially, just to the shops to get food... and I live alone. So I'm very lonely and I'm bored with life. Bored of just feeling the same range of dread, anxiety, panic and depression. I haven't even been looking for a job because there's not one job I have any hope I wouldn't hate. How can I apply for a job that I don't want? It will come across in the interview or the fact that I'll quit a few months in.
> 
> I'm really frustrated because I feel like I have a very curious and thoughtful mind but I don't know how I can translate that into something I can be paid for. It's very unfortunate that there's no use for someone who can't talk to people. Above all I would have really wanted to be someone who added something valueable and interesting to this world but I guess that wasn't to be.


Maybe you could consider voluntary work as a stop gap, there would be less pressure as they're more likely to be grateful for you offering your time rather than thinking that you should be grateful that they've given you a job. It could also prove that you're capable of more than you think or help you to address any difficulties that you may face.

I also worry about this but with any luck I may be putting myself back out there later this year.


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## LanaDelReyForever (Feb 3, 2017)

Hey  I never had a job, no college, I sit home all day.. and I feel lost.. I know that I should go to work, but I'm just so scared of job, idk whyyy.. I'm not that lazy, I just don't know how to describe to people.. hope someone would understand me


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## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

LanaDelReyForever said:


> Hey  I never had a job, no college, I sit home all day.. and I feel lost.. I know that I should go to work, but I'm just so scared of job, idk whyyy.. I'm not that lazy, I just don't know how to describe to people.. hope someone would understand me


I understand... I'm just too low to have a job. I want to be better but I just can't do it.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Bored of a life having to work.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

MakeEatDirt, I sympathize with your situation as I was in your very same situation a couple of years back. In my opinion, work dignifies a person and should be considered a basic human right. Being without a job is specially hard for people like us who are already loners by nature as it pushes us further into isolation. In my particular case, isolation is particularly bad as I tend to bully myself when I'm alone and bored. That is why keeping myself occupied by having some sort of structured schedule is necessary to my well being.

Let me ask you a personal question: What sort of safety net do you have? Meaning, if you don't work how do you feed yourself and keep a roof over your head? Is it family? Your profile lists your location as NI which I take it stands for Northern Ireland. Does the UK government provide council homes and food for the unemployed?

What I am about to say may sound controversial and very harsh, but it was in a very ironic way what helped me overcome some of my mental issues and get a job. In the US we don't have as many social safety nets as people in Europe. Meaning that we have to work to keep us from living on the streets. As bad as my social anxiety and social awkwardness are, I had to work in order to provide my self with basic biological needs such as food and shelter. 

Under normal circumstances, I take that you and most people would never kill and eat a rabbit. But under extreme circumstances, picture your self stranded in an island your survival mode would kick in and you would extreme things such as killing that rabbit to feed yourself. This is what pushed my anxiety and forced me to suck up ****ty situations and bad social interactions in order to survive.

It wasn't pretty and I had to take in a lot of **** from people (and from myself), but I used these experiences to switch to better jobs until I finally landed something I am comfortable doing. 

As other posters have mentioned, start with something small and move your way up.


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## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

Eternal Solitude said:


> MakeEatDirt, I sympathize with your situation as I was in your very same situation a couple of years back. In my opinion, work dignifies a person and should be considered a basic human right. Being without a job is specially hard for people like us who are already loners by nature as it pushes us further into isolation. In my particular case, isolation is particularly bad as I tend to bully myself when I'm alone and bored. That is why keeping myself occupied by having some sort of structured schedule is necessary to my well being.
> 
> Let me ask you a personal question: What sort of safety net do you have? Meaning, if you don't work how do you feed yourself and keep a roof over your head? Is it family? Your profile lists your location as NI which I take it stands for Northern Ireland. Does the UK government provide council homes and food for the unemployed?
> 
> ...


It's true, I have a financial safety net from the government which I know I'm lucky to have. In fact... dozens of times over the past few years I've resolved to quit taking any more payments but people keep convincing me to stay on it, saying they're worried I'll become destitute. But then again that's what I think I deserve or maybe even need. I don't live very well at all but I still prefer staying like this to the anxiety I have being out there in the world. And I know that's a bad and hopeless way to live. I have a kind of health and work advisor that I've suggested this idea to before... the idea of an in-at-the-deep-end plan for employment. He and a friend of mine are pretty worried that I'm too dangerously depressed to try something like that and I wouldn't have the energy to make a success of it and manage through to the improvement stage. They think I would be setting myself up for a crushing failure at a time when I'm already feeling very low. They could be wrong or they could be right but I know that what you're saying has a lot of truth to it too.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

MakeEatDirt said:


> It's true, I have a financial safety net from the government which I know I'm lucky to have. In fact... dozens of times over the past few years I've resolved to quit taking any more payments but people keep convincing me to stay on it, saying they're worried I'll become destitute. But then again that's what I think I deserve or maybe even need. I don't live very well at all but I still prefer staying like this to the anxiety I have being out there in the world. And I know that's a bad and hopeless way to live. I have a kind of health and work advisor that I've suggested this idea to before... the idea of an in-at-the-deep-end plan for employment. He and a friend of mine are pretty worried that I'm too dangerously depressed to try something like that and I wouldn't have the energy to make a success of it and manage through to the improvement stage. They think I would be setting myself up for a crushing failure at a time when I'm already feeling very low. They could be wrong or they could be right but I know that what you're saying has a lot of truth to it too.


I agree with your therapist and your friend. It is foolish to jump in the water if you can't swim. Each person is his or her own world, what might have worked for me might not work for you. However, if I may share a word of advise to you I would tell you this:
*
Start with a very low stress job even if the salary is low and use that experience and gained confidence to move to either a job that pays more or something that you find yourself comfortable doing. What you value most is up to you. Once you get your feet on the ground gradually reduce the amount of government checks. *

Based on what you have said, I would say that you would hate working in a high stress environment such as: working long hours in a big investment bank , managing portfolios worth millions where any slip up would cause investors to lose millions ,and in turn these investors would hound you down and scream at you and that in turn would cause your boss to scream at you and call you incompetent and humiliate you in front of others to save the face of the institution, etc... (I would not last more than 30 minutes in a job such as this). Even if this job pays millions it is not worth the stress.

What sort of skills or education do you have? How hard is it in your country to obtain an apprenticeship? I might be projecting my own preferences, but I would say that a good job for someone with social anxiety that is easy to get into would be to work in a bakery or a pastry shop baking bread, cakes or pastries. You don't get to interact directly with customers (low stress) and you get to be creative with what you are doing and it is less hectic and fast paced than being a chef at a restaurant.



MakeEatDirt said:


> I'm really frustrated because I feel like I have a very curious and thoughtful mind but I don't know how I can translate that into something I can be paid for. It's very unfortunate that there's no use for someone who can't talk to people. Above all I would have really wanted to be someone who added something valueable and interesting to this world but I guess that wasn't to be.


You sound like good person. Your thoughts are very noble. But here is the thing: you don't have to be the doctor that finds the cure for cancer or the diplomat that diffuses an imminent war to make a difference in this world. The smallest acts of kindness can make a huge difference in the world. Even if those acts are not directly related to your profession.

I am sorry for sharing so many of my personal experiences, but since you also suffer from depression I would say that you can relate to this personal occurrence of mine:

Years ago, in my early twenties, I was going through a very rough patch in my life. I didn't have friends or family and the few interactions that I had with the outside world were mostly negative and hostile. I simply did not fit it. Consequently, I felt that I was worthless and that the world would be better off without me. I was in serious emotional pain and my countenance reflected this fact. I looked like a ghoul straight out of a horror movie every time I looked in the mirror.

One day I decided that I have had enough of this bull **** life. I was going to walk into a bus and end it all. So I went down town to carry out my plan but for some reason I decided to stop at a diner/cafeteria for one last meal. I was clearly in distress as I was sobbing and crying. As I sat down and ate my meal I became aware that people were staring at me but nobody said a thing . They would turn away their faces when I looked back at them. No one reached out to me ask if I need help. Not even the waitress (who are by the way trained to be superficially nice and caring customers).

As I was picking up the tab to pay at the cashier, this young boy that must have been not older than 7 walked up to me and said: "You look very sad here have this it will make you feel better" and offered me a chocolate bar. At that very instance I regained faith in humanity. How is it that none of the adults cared to talk to me? But here is this innocent boy with a limited vocabulary and an even more limited view of the world, that saw past the obvious and offered me his kindness. I don't think he or anyone at that diner realized that small act of kindness saved a person's life.

I know that it is easy to be a cynic and disregard this story as some sappy sentimental melodrama fit for a TV soap. But it is something that changed my outlook in life and my perception of the world in general. My point being one small act can make a whole difference in the world. :grin2:


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## MakeEatDirt (Apr 19, 2017)

Eternal Solitude said:


> I agree with your therapist and your friend. It is foolish to jump in the water if you can't swim. Each person is his or her own world, what might have worked for me might not work for you. However, if I may share a word of advise to you I would tell you this:
> *
> Start with a very low stress job even if the salary is low and use that experience and gained confidence to move to either a job that pays more or something that you find yourself comfortable doing. What you value most is up to you. Once you get your feet on the ground gradually reduce the amount of government checks. *
> 
> ...


Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed response. I saw it ages ago but I've been feeling too low and anxious to even respond. I relate to your story because I've cried or been upset in public alone a handful of times and felt even more alone noticing that people can see and they seemingly don't care. It's nice that you got some simple recognition from a kid. In fact, I've been thinking recently that maybe working with kids would give me some perspective on life. But I tend to get ideas about what would help and a few months later they've become nothing and I'm not interested in pursueing it any more.

I have been trying really hard to come up with something that will get me on the right track. Apprenticeships are only for ages 25 and under where I live. I've tried a little bit of various jobs and far from gaining confidence... I feel like they were failed experiments. I want to get something I can start simple with... and build from there but it doesn't seem possible.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*how jobs are advertised*

published / touted / pimped by agencies with zero concept of what the job is
editing spec produced by employer

make-up, colour, glamour, fantastic opportunity

same way as beauty products on TV. nice coloured cars, meant to be... fast...

their SWAT approach of lips, tongue, spoon??

all overcoat of ....developer....
not even using the word expert or pro

gardener who can use spade, fork, trowel, rotovator, weedkiller

delivery by van

phone: how they want you to speak? sing a song?


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