# Here we go!



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I AM ONCE AGAIN STARTING A THRED ABOUT APPROACHING WOMEN. I've recently stopped online so I want to give the real-world approach a try for a while:b


Today:

I'm about to drive to the mall and ask for some numbers. I really can't believe I'm about to do this. I feel old, but I want to meet someone around my age of course. So my plan is to just drive up there walk around a little bit and hopefully see a woman around my age I can talk to at a store or something, strike up small convo, compliment her and then ask if she is seeing anyone. If she isn't, maybe small talk some more, ask for number. If she is seeing someone, politely excuse myself and move on.

I've done this before when I was like 19, 20 but didn't ask for a number, I remember a girl saying to me I had nice eyes and everything, so it's not impossible. Now I'm 24 years old so who knows!? yikes!

Wish me luck!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, that was a waste of time. Young crowd. Saw a couple of women I'd thought were cute but they were in a girl-store not surprisingly.

Ugh, back to the bars I guess.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Good luck next time. Even if they were too young, at least you went out there


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

slylikeafox said:


> Good luck next time. Even if they were too young, at least you went out there


Thanks, man. Going to try going to my college today (my day off) and doing some approaches. Last night went out to the bar but didn't approach (was PACKED).


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

You live near a big city? That's the best place, on the streets when girls who work are on their lunch break.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

quiet0lady said:


> Even though I'm a girl and can't relate to the whole approaching girls thing, I've seen you post about it before and all I have to say is I look up to you for putting yourself out there. With that kind of motivation, you are gonna find what you are looking for in no time. It's pretty inspirational if I do say so myself.
> 
> On a side note, do you own a dog by chance? I would have never thought a dog park is a good way to meet people lol but oddly enough, every time I take my dog to one I end up meeting new people (but maybe that's just around where I live). Also, a place like a grocery store. It beats the mall where all you will probably find are little teeny boppers, and personally as a girl, I find it more appealing when a guy approaches me at a place like that instead of the bar where flat out most guys are just looking for sex, but I guess on the other hand a bar is the place where you will find a lot of girls your age. But anyway, wish you the best of luck.


Thanks, I figure it hurts more to not do anything than it is to try. I guess that is a big motivator for me.

I've ruled the mall out. Your right, young crowd. Not what I'm looking for. As far as the bars are concerned, women are more around my age but like last night, for instance, it was so crowded and noisy it would of been horrible to start a conversation. However, I have been to bars before and had decent conversations with women who seemed very kind. To me, seems like another place with or without the negative stigma it can hold.

I don't have a dog but I think parks are more of a pot-shot than anything. I like the environment but it's too cold right now and I wouldn't think it'd hold a good amount of people...



AlwaysOnTheOutside said:


> You live near a big city? That's the best place, on the streets when girls who work are on their lunch break.


Well, I live in a college town, which is good in itself to meet people but if I was to try that I'd want it to be like a cafe or something.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

On a good note, went to my campus like I said I would and got a number! It takes me about 15 minutes to drive there but when I got there I got some subway, went to a quiet study room to gather some motivation, ate my lunch, walked to the student union, went down stairs, passed a girl I thought I'd like to approach, crossed the isle, bought a water, came back over to where she was sitting and asked if I could sit by her. She ended up saying yes it was fine. I asked her if she had late classes (3pm) and she said yes. I then went on to ask about her major and it ended with us talking about our cars and snow and where we were from. I was a bit nervous but tried to keep it not so awkward by just keeping the conversation going. She was really nice to me and open and I liked that very much. Time came around for her to get to class so I asked if she liked to text, she said yes, I got her number and went on my way........ yay!:boogie

Not saying she is interested or not, but definitely will see where I can go with this. If it doesn’t work, back to the drawing board/more approaches.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Turns out she has a bf. Haha


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Aw. :b

Good luck!


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## jessthemess (Nov 17, 2009)

*good for you*

wow i like your approach and your confidence. i wish there were more guys like you around


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

jessthemess said:


> wow i like your approach and your confidence. i wish there were more guys like you around


Thanks a lot. I really want to try this again tomorrow afternoon. It seems like this has happened a week ago because that is all I've been thinking about lately..it kind of sucks..


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Good luck.  Many of us don't have the confidence to do that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

laura024 said:


> Good luck.  Many of us don't have the confidence to do that.


Thanks. I have to give it a couple tries sometimes before I have the nerve to approach people in certain places like the student union. My confidence isn't all that high or else this wouldn't bother me so much, but it sucks a lot of energy out of me and seems like a lot of work because it's draining and mind consuming, but I figure it is for a good reason and there really isn't any other way around it to be honest. Writing stuff down helps a lot and sharing my experiences helps as well...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Went to campus again (my day off) around 12 in the afternoon. It was packed. Went around student union didn't see anyone I'd approach. Went down to the Polsky Building (separate) didn't see anyone there either. By that time I lost motivation and decided to drive home. Thinking about going to the bar for an hour tonight. I used to think I should spend a lot of time doing these things but now I'm doing a kind of a in/out type thing where I don't waste time and energy. See how it goes if I decide to go...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

A little bit embarrassing today...

I was once again in the student union walking around and spotted a girl I’d thought I'd like to talk to. I asked if I could sit by her and she got up and left...haha! It was smack in the middle of the union too and I felt like everybody saw me so I just kept looking at some note cards I pulled out and sat there for another 5 minutes before I left:teeth


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## jessthemess (Nov 17, 2009)

maybe youre relying too heavily on your eyes to guide you


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

Eh, don't take it personally.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

jessthemess said:


> maybe youre relying too heavily on your eyes to guide you


Not really. I think we are all attracted to certain physical aspects of the opposite sex. If they don't like me, act offish or doesn't fit the bill emotionally then it wouldn't work out anyways.

After taking some time off, I've decided to give it a try again and see how many times I get rejected:b (seriously though). Been thinking about going back up to the school on my day off again and/or going out a night at the bar. I'll probably do the college thing first because I'm pretty sure nothing will come from the bar, but really there is no other place to look. I don't feel like wasting my time at supermarkets or libraries...


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## ErikaD (Feb 5, 2010)

It's awesome you are so proactive!!! I've always taken the sit back and let it happen approach.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

ErikaD said:


> It's awesome you are so proactive!!! I've always taken the sit back and let it happen approach.


Unfortunately, this approach doesn't work very often for males unless your super attractive, or at least in my recent (4-5 years) approach to dating, but thank you! 

Even when I used to be approached (way back in the day), they always expected me to do all the other initiating including kissing, touching, blah blah blah.


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## jessthemess (Nov 17, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Not really. I think we are all attracted to certain physical aspects of the opposite sex. If they don't like me, act offish or doesn't fit the bill emotionally then it wouldn't work out anyways.


Fair enough i guess thats a mature way to look at it


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

So I guess today I'm going to try talking to this girl that sits in front of me in class. There are only four people in that class (all girls besides me), but it's awkward because the teacher talks the whole time. I may sneak something in before or after class. I've wanted to talk to her going out of the class but she takes forever getting ready to leave so I don't want to linger...

I also plan on talking to the receptionist at the library at school. I was going to just ask her flat out if she was single but I think I'm going to ask her a question or two then maybe later ask if she's single or something, I don't know...

The point is, I just got to do something. I'll try and post about it when I get back if I remember.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, the girl in the class wasn't there today. I also didn't go to the library. Honestly, I just want to delete this thread


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Alright, I'm feeling really low in confidence lately. I think I need to come up with a scenario or a game plan to boost my confidence up again. In one of my earlier threads (Doing the Nightlife) my confidence was a level or two higher than where I am at now. Therefore, I need to do something to gain that sense of confidence I had before to go out alone; I assume I need exposure exercises. No idea yet but I'm going to brainstorm tonight and come up with some solutions.

Tomorrow I go to school. I plan on talking to the girl in front of me in my first class, even if it's for a brief moment. I don't plan on doing any approaches at school. I feel I need to build some confidence first but maybe I just need sleep, who knows.

One thing I really want to try out is more consistency. If you read the beginning and the end posts in the "Doing the Nightlife" thread, I am not consistent-even, so far, in this thread as well. I think if I am to stay consistent with going out, approaching/exposure exercises, I have a good chance of getting done what I want to be done faster. Also, it has proven to be a major setback to withdraw for too long and not do things.

So on to a game plan and on to consistency! I am excited to see what consistency will bring. I will need to face rejection with less reflection and I will have to force my time more upon these goals to make it work, which is going to require some work, but need to try out consistency.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Been having some troubles finding the reason/courage to go out to a bar alone. I think the facts should stay simple and truthful-I want to go out to meet women, period.

I noted this today:

"_I'm there to meet women. There is no reason I should hide it, disguise it, feel embarrassed, ashamed, etc. I go in these situations assuming that my objective is an odd thing, and it's not. Don't waste time trying to seem normal to others. Go for what it is you are there for. These is no reason to stay longer than need be, and there is no reason to act like that isn't what your there for. Everyone is at a bar for a reason; my reason is just as qualified as anyone else's._"

It is almost as if I am asking for qualification reasons as to why I'm doing this. It is weighing on me because there seems to be an oddity about going out alone to meet women at bars. The first "oddity" or misconception is that I'd be labeled a creep by others. The other is that bars are for people looking to have fun and if your only going into a bar to meet women then there is something wrong with that. However, I can argue this and say that I'm just as qualified as any other person who decides to go out to a bar that night. Everyone has personal reasons as to why they go to bars; this is my reason-women. To me, admitting that has a somewhat negative ring tone in my head, but WHY!? I mean, ****, what I'm doing should actually be seen as NORMAL. Aren't we all here to procreate? Don't I have a right to search out a solution to my loneliness? The answer is, yes I have a right. I am righteously qualified to be doing what I plan on doing. People got a problem with it, then they got a problem with overseeing a popular social misconception about bars and the people that frequent them. **** man, my right is highly justified...

I don't know why, but this understanding/justification helps me a lot. Perhaps I just need to realize and stay truthful about why I'm going to bars in the first place. It's not to make friends with people, it's not to get drunk, it's about meeting women. My reasons are just as justified as anyone else's.


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## mazer (Feb 12, 2010)

I think you should keep doing what you are doing and it is a good thing to be true to yourself about why you are doing it.
Realize that your approach--going up to women and striking up a conversation is likely to get lots of rejection. They don't know you (at least, some of them don't), so what motivates them to accept you into their lives so suddenly? But as long as you are okay with the amount of rejection and deal with it pretty well, you probably will find a few eventually. And honestly, how many do you really need? Just one, right?
Personally, this approach is not for me. I would always go for friendship first. But our differences aside, Go man Go!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

mazer said:


> I think you should keep doing what you are doing and it is a good thing to be true to yourself about why you are doing it.
> Realize that your approach--going up to women and striking up a conversation is likely to get lots of rejection. They don't know you (at least, some of them don't), so what motivates them to accept you into their lives so suddenly? But as long as you are okay with the amount of rejection and deal with it pretty well, you probably will find a few eventually. And honestly, how many do you really need? Just one, right?
> Personally, this approach is not for me. I would always go for friendship first. But our differences aside, Go man Go!


You have a good point, but how else am I suppose to make friends with people then?

I typed I didn't want to make firneds but that isn't entirely true, which is my fault for saying that so blunty. I'm not trying to get laid or do one night stands or anything. So yeah, I want something more from a girl, so I am looking for friendships. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong...ugh...


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## mazer (Feb 12, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> You have a good point, but how else am I suppose to make friends with people then?


Not that I am the best to answer this with my sad little number of friends in real life, but I would say you make friends through mutual hobbies. Almost every one of the people I call friends are people I have played soccer with.



bwidger85 said:


> I typed I didn't want to make firneds but that isn't entirely true, which is my fault for saying that so blunty. I'm not trying to get laid or do one night stands or anything. So yeah, I want something more from a girl, so I am looking for friendships. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong...ugh...


I understand. I didn't think you meant casual sex (based on other posts you have on this site, I understood you are going for a relationship). I don't think you are doing it wrong...just different from me. Besides, lots of rejection leading up to one relationship is perfectly fine...you just have to handle the rejection along the way well.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, thanks for the input. You've made me think a little bit deeper about what I'm doing here, which is good.

One problem I have with myself is that I may not take the appropriate time to really sit down, have a lengthy and bonding conversation with someone before I ask for a number, etc. However, it would appear as if time will not allow it at times (school for example). Maybe it is true that bars aren't the best place to meet people, but I don't think it's out of possibility.

Once again, you've made me think about this a little deeper. For example, as you've mentioned, making friends first is probably a good way to go about it, which makes me think differently about my approach in both the short and long term. I'll give it some thought


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Come to think about it, meeting people this way is just as good as any other. Yeah, I want a girlfriend and so I'm going to approach those I'm attracted to. Whether they reject me or not, there really is no other way around it. I don't ask some girl I just met to be my girlfriend. I think that is what dates are for—to get to know the other person better (somewhat like friendship). Me asking a girl out to a bar or a movie or coffee isn't an invitation to become my girlfriend but more like an invitation to get to know each other. Also, approaching women in a bar is the same as approaching women anywhere else. The only concern I need to be aware of is trying to make a connection. Other than that, the rejection rate is the same for any other instance. You made me question the method as to which I am meeting people; if you have anything else to add, please do so.

I'm not going to ask for a girl's number who is offish towards me. If she is open, friendly and willing to communicate with me then I see no reason as why I shouldn't, and I also don't see the rejection rate being changed because of it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Day 1*

I'm nervous about going out and it will probably be awkward but I need to go out. I tried to get my friend to go but he's not feeling up to it so I'm heading out alone to the bars downtown. I figure I got to start over again (exposure, repetition, etc) to obtain my goal(s).

"Where there is a will there is a way" is my personal slogan for the night.

I understand that the first steps are the hardest and most the time after the first step things become in focus and less anxiety ridden. So here we go-I'm out!

My only goal for tonight is to go out alone to the bar for an unknown amount of time. If I do this I'll feel good. My future goals include making connections, friends and meeting more women.

Post about it when I get back.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

bwidger85 said:


> I'm nervous about going out and it will probably be awkward but I need to go out. I tried to get my friend to go but he's not feeling up to it so I'm heading out alone to the bars downtown. I figure I got to start over again (exposure, repetition, etc) to obtain my goal(s).
> 
> "Where there is a will there is a way" is my personal slogan for the night.
> 
> ...


Went ok. Was ok for about 30-40 minutes just had a couple cold ones. Nothing too special but happy I went. Blah


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Consistency!*

I'm thinking about going out next time with the purpose of making some friends. Yeah, I know there are sites like Myspace and Facebook where old friends are located already, but I feel if I can make some friends at a local bar then I'll have a good chance of meeting up with them at the same location another time.

I don't know what I'm thinking sometimes. I think that once school is over I'll magically have time for things and/or when I start to feel better about situations. The truth is, I need to do stuff now and stop stalling. For those of us who second-guess the bar scene, let me tell you that if you can come up with a better way of meeting someone of the opposite sex then let me know. When I really want something I am too impatient to try "volunteer work" or "join clubs" to meet someone-as if these places are better than bars!? The only reason why these suggestions are so popular are because bars hold a bad stigma that people just repeat whom themselves are usually not even fully aware of the truth. Anyone who tells me it's better to meet a person at school, work, gym, club, through friends, church, grocery store, online, etc, over a bar is simply sticking to negative stigmas. Let me tell you, these suggestions are just as hard or HARDER to meet those of the opposite sex for plenty of reasons. I'm currently going to college, for example, and it would appear these rules apply for parties or magical social gatherings held by the students, such as study groups, etc. The facts are simple: any place has its challenging properties/its ups and downs/setbacks; bars are just another location, which in my opinion present more opportunity in a shorter amount of time than less stigmatic suggestions.

I've been incredibly self-conscious and nervous about going to bars alone lately. I know I sound like a broken record here. I know for a fact that I just need more exposures to this environment to get comfortable once again with the idea. At the moment, I am very motivated to go out Tuesday night (busy night) to make friends. Why friends at a bar? Well, it presents myself with the option of keeping contacts to invite another night to the same place, which will help me with my self-consciousness about being alone. Why the same place? Well, that is where my opportunities to meet someone are located. You may think it isn't a good idea, but I've met a lot of FRIENDLY AND OPEN people at bars. At the time, however, my focus wasn't on making friendships but rather talking to women. Often I'd invite a very close buddy of mine, of whom you can read about in Doing The Nightlife, and when he went with me my focus seemed less about my goal (meeting women) than it was to enjoy myself, which I credit for feeling too comfortable without separating myself to meet women. They say drinking buddies can be a setback in meeting more people because you don't want to leave your comfort zone, and I have been witness to this on many occasions. However, if I decide to go out again with a friend I will have to retain my focus on my objective, which I let slip on more than one occasion for holding the subconscious belief I'll do it solo another night-WRONG! I need to put more effort into breaking away from friends next time I go out, which I will be more focused on. Therefore, I want to make some friends at the bars-of course it's possible! I figure this will create a level of comfort as well as condition myself back into the bar scene, which may even help me with my solo approach as well.

There have been some things I need to work on. Another major concern of mine involves consistency in which I frequent the bar scene to work toward my objective. I call these consistency concerns "setbacks" because that is what they cause. For me, there has been numerous occasions of setbacks. One type of setback occurs when I am emotionally unstable, which arises from rejection, lack of self-confidence, lack of personal praise, etc. My previous attempts of secluding myself from the action to "heal" my emotional turmoil has lead me to lose focus/drive to continue, which causes a setback of sorts, or a feeling of having to start all over again from the beginning. In other words, with rejection, for example, I would tell myself I need time to gather my thoughts, but this seclusion from action also takes me away from exposures, which makes me lose confidence in my ability of going out-make sense? So yeah, consistency THROUGH emotional turmoil needs to stay prevalent in order for the most success. Setting myself back often takes me not days but MONTHS to get back on track, which isn't good. The way I operate seems to be mainly in steps in which I climb the ladder to higher confidence and higher boundaries, which you can also witness in Doing The Nightlife. What I need is more consistency even through the turmoil because I DO NOT want lengthy setbacks. I think this will be my biggest challenge, especially since I know how my brain works; opting for self-examination after a painful experience-consistency, consistency, consistency...

Once again, I enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts and experiences because it feels good. I'll probably keep writing my experiences-I always have. I know that once I get the ball rolling again and keep the ball rolling (consistency) then I will be even farther ahead than I have ever been. It all sounds hard and challenging to do but that's because I'm looking too far into the future. It's obtainable because I've experienced it and people do it everyday. It happens not because of leaps and bounds but because of small increments and steps. Taken in small steps, you build the confidence to take larger steps. Fortunately for me, I've been there and I feel as if it shouldn't take me long; it's this first few steps that are always the roughest. However, once again, another challenge is going to be consistency because of time constraints as well as possible emotional concerns.

*Next goal(s):*
*-If going to bar with friend then chat to ladies, ask for number*
*-If going to bar alone then try to obtain friends (male or female) for future outings*

Screw it, I've searched for so many different answers from so many different sources. The bar is like any other place; the people come from all walks of life with varying personality traits-I know, I've experienced it. I'll keep updated.

P.S.
The past instances in which I managed to collect numbers were deleted due to reasons of lack of interest involved on their part. I wasn't concerned with making friends so much as I was dating and so I just viewed friendship as meaningless; not because I oppose it, but because I felt I didn't need it. However, and as ironic as my current position reveals itself to me, I now feel like this was a mistake and I do not plan on doing this next time around. If a woman gives me her number and doesn't seem interested in dating then I find it good to become friends to expand my network in order to meet other women. Realistically, most women probably will not want to hang out with me anyways unless I make a strong connection and/or meet up with them whilst they are ALREADY going out, which seems random at best. I've had girls I met at the bar agree to meet up with me at a bar as friends but I wasn't interested, which followed up with me deleting their numbers. Yeah, I guess I was stupid, but I don't plan on making that mistake this time. I've also come to realize that those COULD of been opportunities to further show her that I'm a trusting individual and that may of even opened up doors for us either being together or her showing me her friends. I don't plan on deleting anymore numbers from people at bars due to my goals listed above.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*20s Something at Meetup.com*

Besides this whole bar goal thing, I've also decided to join 20s Somethings in Meetup.com to meet friends. I'm not really sure what to expect so I'm just going to make some friends and have a good time and put 'meeting someone' on the back burner when it comes to this...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Solo Bar Night #2*

*sigh*

Well, I actually typed in detail my experience of the night but I hit the esc key by accident and everything got deleted so I'll try to sum it up...

Was nervous about going out. Gave my sister a call and she motivated me. I ended up going out for about a hour. Drank a couple of beers, talked to a few guys. Wasn't that hard and wasn't that nervous. I feel I should step up my transition next time to something else as this was just a solo exercise tonight.

NEXT OUTING GOAL(S):
-*Better body positioning within the bar (i.e., not in the corner, by the wall)*
-*Talk to some girls and see where it goes*
-*Come earlier*

I feel like I have an excuse to step up my goals next outing (Thursday). I promise I will talk to some girls and I will post it. It was difficult getting myself to go out because I thought it'd be weird, but I went and I didn't feel strange at all and surprisingly I think that first step will be one of the hardest things I have to do from now on. I seriously don't even feel as nervous talking to girls as I did going solo because of the stigma. I am very happy I went. I am very excited to go out Thursday because I know I'll talk to some girls. I need to work on my body positioning though in the bar so I have a better opportunity to talk to them. Maybe I need to just walk up to them? I may need to talk to a couple of guys to warm up my bar conversation before I talk to a girl so it's smoother. If I'm mentally prepared with specific goals in mind it helps me more. Tonight was just to go out alone. Thursday will be more of talking to girls.

It's like anything else: you can't just sometimes step into something without feeling it out a bit. Actually, that's how most stuff works. You need to take increments of an activity before you can expect to encompass more next time. That is my overall gamelan of the entire situation. The hardest part was going in. I feel the next hardest part is staying consistent with going out. I feel consistency will be more difficult for me than approaching girls, etc. Time rolls around and motivation may change, which will be a major challenge, and if I expect to transition into higher steps towards my goal I absolutely need to stay consistent with going out-I need to stay focused.


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## ConfirmedConfusion (Jul 25, 2009)

Great thread man keep it up!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

This sounds fun

I so wanna hang out with you 
and just like go around everywhere hitting on chicks


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

_AJ_ said:


> This sounds fun
> 
> I so wanna hang out with you
> and just like go around everywhere hitting on chicks


Dude, you were doing so well in your other thread (making new friends, meeting new people, going out, etc). One realization that I've heard you say is that this stuff _is_ work. I think it is worth the goal though. Too bad you live in Canada, eh?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Flat broke tonight with only five bucks in the bank. Going to have to wait till tomorrow night.:roll


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Giving blood then hitting the bars tonight? oh boy...*

Well, I need extra credit for this class. I hate giving blood; I'm freaked when it happens. I give blood soon and then I have to work, followed by going out tonight? Probably not the best idea but I don't go to get smashed. I don't drink much but a few beers anyways.

Also, there has been some discussion on this board that has really got me thinking about rejection. I think one of the hardest things for me was getting rejected so much. It happened a lot, more than I ever thought was normal. Whether this is normal or not, I'm not sure. I think this is why I had a hard time with consistency in the past. Nonetheless, I need to stay consistent. It may sound dumb to do it, but what the hell...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Head hurts, feel tired as hell.... not going out. I felt like I had to write this because I've been harping on going out but haven't been feeling good today especially after that blood donation. Was debating whether or not I should leave a response; not like it's going to matter to much people anyways, but I like to keep my word. I'm not done with this thread though, so now that we are all happy (at least me), bye...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Solo Night #3*

Was out for only thirty minutes tonight. Obviously, you know the story... felt awkward so decided to go home. Not the way to do it. I'll take into consideration other options besides the bar (which I have), but I'm not stopping the bars either. Just need to get into a rhythm mentally. Don't have any excuses or anything else I want to add besides I need to do things differently...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Personal goals/game plan, whatever (read if your bored I guess...)*

It's interesting to note that since my transition from online dating, which I absolutely DREAD for reasons beyond this post, I have put my attention on real life instances to meet people, specifically women. Obviously, I'm in a learning phase, and I absolutely am dead set to believe I can accomplish my goal (meeting people); I'm pretty confident about it. However, like many things which I've already described, the learning process starting out typically seems to be the most difficult. Therefore, I'd like to just write about some of my thoughts related to the subject at hand...

Once again, it's interesting to note that things generally are the most difficult starting out-we all know this to an extent. I've been thinking about how and why people stay motivated to complete their goals and what that might take for me to do the same. In my current emotional state, I don't feel much enthusiasm to meet people (network) so I can obtain my goal (meeting people). I have to motivate myself somehow and/or someway to even consider taking on this task.

Once again, with the belief that starting out can be the most difficult, I am encouraged to take small steps and increments to gain momentum and confidence. One way to do this is to obviously suck it up and do it-there really isn't any way around that. I don't want to overwhelm myself, especially starting something off new, for example, my Meetup.com invitations, of which I have not yet attended-I am willing to seriously take my time to get comfortable with the matter before asking people out, etc. So yeah, start small in steps and build up some confidence is all I am currently asking for my Meetup.com meetings (take it slow; get comfortable). If there isn't someone I'm interested in, no big deal, at least I'm building confidence this way, so the Meetup.com thing is definitely on my radar of goals.

Secondly, the whole bar thing hasn't left my radar either. Although stigmatized, I know a bar can be a good place to meet people, so I'm sticking with it. Combine the bar with the Meetup.com junction, and I'm finding myself in a busy and lucrative enough position without being too overwhelmed. With the bar and Meetup.com, this gives me a weekly schedule of four days for socializing and three days for rest or w/e miscellaneous. Still, with me attending college fulltime, I suspect more "free time" to be issued within the week depending on what is going on with school, etc, so I'm not setting a concrete amount of days dedicated to socializing or other responsibilities. In other words, I'm just going to try to do the most of what I can with what time I have available, which is all I can really hope to do anyways.

So yeah, don't know exactly why I decided to write so much crap about my goals here but I guess I was bored. I guess the best thing to take out of this is that I just need to focus on goals that are just in front of me rather than asking for too much too soon, as that would most likely be overwhelming. I honestly don't want to give up. Part of being consistent involves preparation and obtainable goals (steps)-I guess that is where I'm at right now.

Funny how all this started with trying to meet girls (lol)...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Bar last night + 1st Meetup.com session*

Went out to the bar last night. Was packed but I wasn't feeling it. My friend who went with me seemed to fit right in; talking some stuff I didn't even really care about so I just observed most the night. I wasn't nervous or anything. Saw a few girls I thought were cute but they were DRUNK as heck and flirting with everyone so I decided not to talk to them. So basically, I spent a lot of money watching people...

Just got back from my first Meetup.com thing tonight. Happened to be the biggest meeting so far-about 20 people. I was pretty nervous on my way up there and almost didn't go, but once I got there it wasn't that bad. It was kind of not what I expect in the sense that I didn't learn anything new; I felt like I did any night I ever went out. I guess I was suppose to feel some sort of new experience... eh, I guess I've experienced too much in my life? We all were bowling. My first meeting (tonight) wasn't something I wanted to meet any girls. i just wanted to experience it and see how I felt about it. To be honest, I feel there are only a couple of things I can gain from this: possible girlfriend or friend. I realize that sounds like an awesome thing, and it is, but I feel like I was suppose to learn something new, but I didn't, so I feel at odds with it all. I guess I'm beginning to see that there is a side of me that I like; a side of me that I refuse to compromise, and that 'side' is who I am; what I enjoy being. It appeared to me that some people seemed bored while others were having fun. I wasn't very excited but I managed to do a lot of talking. I introduced myself to almost everyone. I felt like I was pleasant to be around but I could see in some of the faces of other people disinterest or exhaustion, which I have no idea why but that seemed to be the case. In other words, I didn't feel like people went out of their way to get to know me so it was different for me. Next time I go I'll probably end up getting a number or two from a girl. It is a good way to get myself out of the house without going solo, meet new people and also be in environments that have girls I could meet. As sad as that sounds, that is one of my main motivations, but the other is to enjoy myself. Some of these past meetings seemed pretty boring though-watching stage drama? Lol, I passed on that one.

So yeah, not very exciting for me either nights but it has got me going. I realize the more I go out the more I'll be comfortable and the more I'll approach and meet new people. There is a big part of me that doesn't enjoy going out to bars and other events. What I really enjoy is hanging out with close family and friends, watching basketball games, drinking beer and just joking around. I think if I am able to create that type of friendship through these meetings then I should be appreciative of that-that could be a goal of mine in the future. First meetings are strange and awkward a bit but if I am able to make a deep connection than it'll all be worthwhile. Another thing I am beginning to accept is that I'm a sensitive guy. I enjoy talking about feelings and I'm sensitive to others needs. But anyways, I'll end it here as it's a long post. Till next time...

P.S. It's always easier than I think...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

http://photos2.meetupstatic.com/photos/event/d/6/4/d/600_13614861.jpeg

http://www.meetup.com/20s-Something/photos/851304/13614861/#13614866

Damn, I think I look like a old man  I feel like I'm 20 though...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Social networking goal + some optimism*

I'm thinking social networking may be the new and improved way to go for me! Just because I did it once now I want to do it more! Everyone is nice and your welcome with smiles instead of moments of uncertainty. Considering my meetup.com group, I'll be busy for a while! I didn't really see it coming but it has also inspired to make more friends around me in my daily life-not saying that it is going to happen but I've passed up so many opportunities to meet people by dismissing them. I'm going to make it a stronger effort to connect with those around me and plan activities. I've never really experienced a large social circle; maybe there is more hype than previously thought? I'll keep updated.

EDIT**
This is so interesting to me. I've had so many chances to meet people and I've always blew it off. I actually have a lot of people I can contact in my phone, and from doing my solo trips I feel like I can make friends just as easy. Going out in groups and meeting other people that way seems to be the way to go, and I've tried many things before. I never thought it'd be a good idea because I was never focused on friendship but girls and that seems pretty stupid now all the sudden. Although I do want a girlfriend in the future, social networking allows me to get to know people within an "allowed" frame rather than just doing solo trips, but what really gets me is how much fun I can have doing it at the same time! This meet up has helped me realize that social networking is more of who I am; as if I've discovered something magical I've never dug up previously (as corny as that sounds).

Social networking, or meeting new people and doing new things, is more natural than anything else I've done before-compared to solo stuff. What held me back previously was the idea that social networking would be too hard to accomplish, boring, not worth the effort, etc, but last night helped me see that isn't the case. It is probably THE fastest way to get to know people because your always meeting someone new social networking! When you invite a person, tell them to bring their friends and vise versa. Obviously, this way your always meeting someone new; you always have someone you can do something with. If I wanted to talk to some girls, people are way more friendly and open (the way it should be-natural) and I'm finding out it is 100xs more fun if you engage yourself, or I could break off from the group at a meeting (say, at a bar) and do a solo thing for a bit and meet more people-duh!

Once again, the best part of doing this is that it is builds confidence, shows you how to connected with people, shows you how to let go and enjoy yourself, forces you out of comfort zones, exposes you to people who are open to meeting you, etc. It provides so much opportunity; it's ironic how I didn't really grasp this till after this meet up. I aim to stay optimistic, and from what I've experienced in my lifetime, this goal is definitely feasible. I don't excuse women from friends anymore-I can't believe how blind I was. People are human beings... we all want to connect and enjoy ourselves, so let's do it together. I feel good for doing this meet up because it has giving me that extra sense of confidence and inspiration I think I was really aiming for. I haven't felt this excited about something for a long time because I feel like I've discovered something that fits my personality and it will also give me a sense of peace because it will help me stay connected with people (not secluded), give me more self-worth, confidence, enjoyment, and respect for others. I view it all as a snowball effect that is built.

If you experience new things and put yourself out there you open your mind up for options and possibilities. You always have options but sometimes you don't see them until you've done something to go off. Fear is a learned behavior and it's not something who you are, but we already all know this. With regards to SA, when we experience our fears with optimism we are presented with possibilities if we are consistent, motivated and patient. If you go in with optimism for the future you may feel strange, fearful, or resistant but you'll walk away with a better understanding of who you are and what you want. The night I went out I came back feeling as if I didn't "learn" something and I felt at odds with what I did. I see now the benefits of social networking and I'm ecstatic! Simple things like small talk, eye contact, etc, are things that are overlooked with genuine interest, optimism and confidence, all of which are things you can develop, and given that you push yourself to go out, than more than likely your giving yourself that opportunity to change your habits and become inspired; to be motivated to change those simple things; to say you can do something you've never done before; to learn how to enjoy yourself; to meet people who fascinate you, etc. It's all in our perspectives. Perspectives change the more we put ourselves out there and force our minds to focus on something more than what are minds are used to thinking. I'm so excited that I could go on forever. Nothing comes easy without a little work. If you see a way for something to happen you can motivate yourself to action; where there is a will there is a way, but I'll stop there on that overused statement.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Went out tonight to the bars. This time my friend invited a couple of people. Ended up getting all their numbers. One guy was really drunk and annoying so I ended up giving him a ride home.

I'm trying to build more contacts and meet more people. I figure if I ever want to meet more people I can just contact those I met previously. So far so good. Got to put up with the BS to get where I want to go. Still, I could go solo for my main goal, I appreciate, and as a secondary goal, do want to build more of a network.


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

Nice, man. You're doing good.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*St. Patrick's Day!*



AlwaysOnTheOutside said:


> Nice, man. You're doing good.


It is working good so far with the networking. I have four different events to choose from tonight (meetup.com, downtown Kent, co-worker's party, barbq [probably already late for]). This girl I used to work with when I was at McDonalds hit me up and invited me to that co-worker's party, which was cool. I was a moron in the past and deleted all my old numbers because I figured I'd never talk to them again. I'm a double-moron because I've blown off ample opportunities to be friends with those at work, so I'm working to change all that. I invited a couple people from work and asked them what they were doing for patty's day, but I don't think we have much of a good rapport for previous reasons (me being a moron), but I'm working at it. Surprisingly, most the people I work with are girls, but w/e. I want to connect with them but I really hate just talking random crap at work; I'd much rather do it after work or something but that is me just being stubborn I think. I'll try to post about tonight when I get back.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Everyone is too focused on themsevles (how irionic, read my posts!)*

I kind of question whether or not going out with people is beneficial to me. Seems like everyone is always trying to play some sick game of "follow the leader" while out and I'm not down with that. I'd much rather go by myself than with people who are just going to ignore me all night because that is kind of what happened. Everyone was a drama king tonight...

It was a classic scene of too much people, too much noise, too much green beer and too many priorities and egos-I'm sick of it. Much better off going alone. I almost opted to give up on the bars but I think it was a desperate attempt to ease my frustration. In all honestly, I only approached a set of girls once all night for reasons of company bouncing around all night and, once again, myself trying to follow the action-horrible. I don't need people to meet girls.

If anything I've learned tonight was that no one gives a crap about me, and everyone else's agenda is above my own, so screw it, I'll just head out alone more often. Seriously, what else am I suppose to do? Go to church? haha, yea right...

I texted nine people before I went out; only one texted back. Even though I'm the same as everyone else, people suck...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Moving thred to blog...


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