# Too ugly to be attracted to others?



## KennethJones (Jun 22, 2009)

Have you ever felt so ugly that you don't even feel attracted to people anymore? I am starting to get to this point. Even when I imagine being with someone I have to alter my appearance in my imagination because the alternative is just so disgusting. Sometimes when I think about being with a woman I feel repulsed because I know it would be impossible and ludicrous; i am just too ugly. 

If I am attracted to a woman, all i have to do is look at one of my photos and i won't be attracted to her anymore. 

I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first. If you look into the mirror and see that you are ugly, your mind won't grant you the pleasure of being attracted to someone. At least that is how it works for me.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

That makes sense. I often have low libido because I don't feel attractive physically and mentally. I observe people with high drives and libidos and they often seem to feel sexy and aren't afraid to move and expose their bodies. I know that's not the only factor, but I've noticed it's important in myself. I can barely fantasise without being distracted by it. Anxiety is mostly to blame. It also doesn't help growing up with a skin condition that people notice, comment on, and sometimes express disgust about. Being very withdrawn and tense also feels unattractive and people comment on this too and sometimes dump you for it, which amplifies feeling unattractive.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I have felt this way before.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I used to think I was ugly until I did shrooms in college. When your on shrooms you see your face in the mirror the way you would see the face of a stranger. Its fascinating and this is why mirrors have a reputation for sucking in people on shrooms. Anyway, once I saw myself that way I never thought I was ugly again.


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## RockIt (Jan 8, 2011)

If you think you are ugly, ask others you trust what they think. Find out what areas you can improve on and which you have no choice on. (I started losing my hair a few years ago, so I just said to nature - **** it. I'm gonna shave my head. Feels good.) You have to live with yourself for a long time so knowing you have done your best to adjust to the changes your body brings you can be very rewarding.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Yeah I feel unattractive, not ugly because I don't think I am, just not attractive enough to attract anyone. There are things that I could do to enhance my appearance such as make up, nice clothing, doing my hair, but it is a waste of time because I have no personality to back it up with anyway. I overall find myself not attracted to others and don't even fantasize the way I used to, because it doesn't fit.


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## kerosene (Oct 26, 2010)

When I'm feeling really anxious about myself I don't feel it in me to be attracted to others. Please don't put yourself down for something you can't help though. If you take care of your appearance you're probably a lot better than you think you are


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

you truly described exactly how i feel. i'm at the point in which i don't feel that attracted to women because i feel like i wouldn't be physically worthy. i feel content with the way i look and i deal with it but i don't feel worthy enough to be with a woman. the only women i get attracted to are celebrities.

i alter myself in my imagination as well. it's still me but different. it's true; if you don't feel attractive and don't exert it then you're not going to attract anyone.


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## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

This all makes a lot of sense. I think when I'm struggling most with sa I certainly pull myself away from others and force myself to be alone... it's almost like I don't feel worthy of being around people, let alone being attracted to them. My sa has always been alongise BDD, and I think I'll always struggle with my appearance. Sometimes it doesn't concern me, and I tell myself I don't mind because I have other qualities that matter instead. But regardless, I try and push myself to accept myself more on here... posting photos every blue moon and then deleting them five seconds later  When I feel appreciated by someone else it all feels a lot easier though. 

(Rambling over now )


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## Mellowyellow1 (Jan 9, 2011)

Yup ive feel this way quite often. You summed it up perfectly KennethJones. I want a relationship with a man but I can't believe anyone would want me now, with my anxious personality and my looks. The thing is, I don't know what I look like. I see myself with so much judgement its hard to actually take in my real physical features and put an image together...i dunno if that makes sense. I've never had a boyfriend and that adds to my overall social anxiety.

I'm sure you're not unattractive my friend, I hate to hear others put themselves down.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I've felt completely physically unappealing many times, but I can't say I've stopped being attracted to people in these times, just have stopped fantasizing I could ever be with someone I was attracted to. The only time I stop being attracted to people is when I get in my head the philosophy that no woman could accept my personality/life and therefore they have very ugly souls. I don't usually feel this way anymore though.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

I've felt that I was too ugly to attract the guys I'm attracted to. There've been two instances in which I was pleasantly surprised. But now that I'm older I think my chances are much slimmer than they were before.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

^ omg stop; you're so pretty.

I don't think I'm physically ugly, but I can't imagine myself as _*sexually*_ attractive and desirable to others. Like, I get embarrassed when I try to imagine myself in a sexual manner. I usuallly have to have someone else playing me in my own sexual fantasies.


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## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

Yeah, I'm pretty repulsed by myself. I don't see how anyone could be sexually attracted to me, but if they were I would be too disgusted with myself and with the whole situation, and probably with them too, to be able to get anywhere with it. I don't know that it means I can't be attracted to anyone. What I tend to do is fantasise about a person while occasionally lapsing into self-loathing bouts of resignation and despair over thoughts of impossible-to-achieve romantic relationships, which tends to put a stop to the fantasising and any attractions I may feel for a while. Until I recover and start again with my soul-destroying activities.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

Yeah I think I feel that way too. I am really ugly (and I really am, trust me, hideous...) so at this point for me it's like whenever I feel attracted to someone I just squash the idea because the person would obviously not be interested.



KennethJones said:


> I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first. If you look into the mirror and see that you are ugly, your mind won't grant you the pleasure of being attracted to someone. At least that is how it works for me.


This is true pretty much for life, I think. Love yourself and then you can love others, sort of thing.



emptybottle2 said:


> ^ omg stop; you're so pretty.
> 
> I don't think I'm physically ugly, but I can't imagine myself as _*sexually*_ attractive and desirable to others. Like, I get embarrassed when I try to imagine myself in a sexual manner. I usuallly have to have someone else playing me in my own sexual fantasies.


+1, never thought of it but this is true for me too.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

whiterabbit said:


> Yeah, I'm pretty repulsed by myself. I don't see how anyone could be sexually attracted to me, but if they were I would be too disgusted with myself and with the whole situation, and probably with them too, to be able to get anywhere with it. I don't know that it means I can't be attracted to anyone. What I tend to is fantasise about a person while occasionally lapsing into self-loathing bouts of resignation and despair over thoughts of impossible-to-achieve romantic relationships, which tend to put a stop to the fantasising and any attractions I may feel for a while. Until I recover and start again with my soul-destroying activities.


:ditto


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

I've always isolated myself from people or prevented myself from getting to know people I would be attracted to because I've felt that my personality is not interesting enough. Or, they will just see that something is really wrong with me once they get to know me and then reject me. So, it's hard for me to open up completely to people. More times than not, I have felt rejected by people once they got to know me. I'm going through this now...or this is what I'm translating it as. So, it's more about my *awful* personality than my looks.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

I have felt this way a lot myself. It's like around people in general they know I'm too ugly to ever really be taken seriously as a potential mate so I pretty much just not bother with dating in general. People online who have seen my picture think otherwise, but they never got to see me in person so...


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

whiterabbit said:


> Yeah, I'm pretty repulsed by myself. I don't see how anyone could be sexually attracted to me, but if they were I would be too disgusted with myself and with the whole situation, and probably with them too, to be able to get anywhere with it.


This reminds me of a couple of my ex's who thought there was something wrong with me for being attracted to them. One called me sick.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

emptybottle2 said:


> Like, I get embarrassed when I try to imagine myself in a sexual manner. I usuallly have to have someone else playing me in my own sexual fantasies.


Same here, sadly.


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## Misanthropic (Jun 25, 2010)

KennethJones said:


> Have you ever felt so ugly that you don't even feel attracted to people anymore? I am starting to get to this point. Even when I imagine being with someone I have to alter my appearance in my imagination because the alternative is just so disgusting. Sometimes when I think about being with a woman I feel repulsed because I know it would be impossible and ludicrous; i am just too ugly.
> 
> If I am attracted to a woman, all i have to do is look at one of my photos and i won't be attracted to her anymore.
> 
> I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first. If you look into the mirror and see that you are ugly, your mind won't grant you the pleasure of being attracted to someone. At least that is how it works for me.





> I have to alter my appearance in my imagination because the alternative is just so disgusting


I almost thought that I wrote this.

I feel the same way and it's worse when I go out in public.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

Problem for me is not that i think that i'm absolutely hideously ugly so much that i should just lock myself in a tower. It's just that i think there's so many good looking guys out there, why would a girl ever choose me over them? People say looks don't matter so much, but every girl i've known has lusted after hot guys, talked about hot guys, gone out with hot guys, etc etc. Nothing else even seems to come into the equation, except a bearable personality.

Maybe i just need to know different girls? It's not giving me a very nice world view though.

Anyway, yeah, as to the thread title... no, but i usually immediately write off any possibility of anything happening when i see a girl i like, which pretty much kills my chances regardless of whether there really are any or not.


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## MattFoley (Dec 5, 2009)

It never ceases to amaze me how some attractive people can have such a warped view of their own attractiveness. It's complete detachment from reality and it makes me want to shake these people and tell them they're beautiful. They see black while you see white and it just doesn't make sense.

But when I think about my opinion of myself it's just as messed up. In my mind I range anywhere from a hideous troll-man who needs to be hidden from sight so as not to scare the children to a portrait of perfection that must be shared with the people. Ok, not quite that extreme but effectively it's a good way of describing it. And honestly the feedback I receive confuses the hell out of me. On your average day I feel like I'm not attracting any women but every once in a while the most beautiful woman in the world will show interest in me and make me wonder what is going on.

So confusing but it goes to show you that you just have to stop making it your focus otherwise you're going to drive yourself insane. Am I good looking or not? I have no clue but it doesn't particularly help me to know the answer either. I attract who I attract regardless of whether I know how attractive I am. I personally prefer the ignorance so I don't feel so depressed that I no longer want to pursue relationships as the op has. 

In short, to answer the question, no. And I seriously doubt you're as ugly as you think you are.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I definitely am butt ugly. I still am attracted to the pretty girls, but I doubt I'd ever get them.


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## miminka (May 10, 2009)

Absolutely. Out of all the guys I've had brief crushes on throughout my time in high school, I've never honestly been physically attracted to them. I need to convince myself I am, because I know realistically the odds of a person I am honestly attracted to feeling the same about me are piteously slim. I can't remember the last time I've looked at a guy and thought, "Okay, he's attractive. I should try and make him notice me". Because I know any efforts are futile. 

I also think my lack of confidence in my looks hinders me from being affectionate with people. I was having lunch with a guy today and as we were driving home I really wanted to hold his hand. Although I know he's attracted to me as well as interested, I felt too physically unattractive to hold his hand, because I thought he would be repulsed by the action. Maybe if I were able to coif my hair or reapply lipstick I would have had the confidence to, which is sad. And I wonder if it's something I'll ever overcome. 

As far as sex is concerned, I greatly fear the day when someone will want to become intimate with me and I'll be expected to let my guard down. I can't think about it without becoming nervous.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I know I'm not as pretty as I would like to be, but I still have to beleive that there is someone out there for everyone. We just have to have the nerve to find them.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Never give up people!


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I wouldn't say I am ugly (others might, not myself), but it's more a case of "being unattractive" rather than being ugly for me. My general demeanour, interests, ideas, etc. seem to turn other people off. Which is a little disappointing, but I can't really change how I am.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm kind of a 'sexy ugly', in that I can either be perceived as a good looking nerd, or an ugly looking jock.

In other words, people are neutral towards me usually.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

The **** ness of the human condition never ceases to amaze me. That we have to exist in ageing fleshbags and have much of our worth judged by it. Just ... no.

Yes I looked in a mirror due to viewing this thread. The things should be banned.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

YES lol I feel like this often. Not the annoying type to ask for reassurance 24/7, but in the back of my head I will keep wondering if I'm doing anything for them or not


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

KennethJones said:


> Have you ever felt so ugly that you don't even feel attracted to people anymore? I am starting to get to this point. Even when I imagine being with someone I have to alter my appearance in my imagination because the alternative is just so disgusting. Sometimes when I think about being with a woman I feel repulsed because I know it would be impossible and ludicrous; i am just too ugly.
> 
> If I am attracted to a woman, all i have to do is look at one of my photos and i won't be attracted to her anymore.
> 
> I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first. If you look into the mirror and see that you are ugly, your mind won't grant you the pleasure of being attracted to someone. At least that is how it works for me.


I have had these exact thoughts quite often. I usually feel incredibly hideous to the point where I feel wrong to even check out a guy or fool myself into thinking I'd ever have a chance with someone. When I find myself attracted to a guy or daydreaming about him, one look in the mirror can often kill the mood/dream. These thoughts are bull**** though and we mustn't let ourselves be controlled by them. No matter how ugly we may feel and no matter how ugly we may actually look, we deserve to love and be loved and experience all the pleasures that come along with that.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I'm experiencing temporary relief from this at the moment. My friend helped me out with the problem by exploring it objectively. It will wear off at some point, though.


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## rawrsmus (Feb 6, 2011)

I feel the same from time to time, depends on my mood mostly.

It depends on what ugly really means, but I wouldn't call myself that.
I'm definitely not attractive though, somewhere below average.


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## flawed (Feb 15, 2011)

layitontheline said:


> I have had these exact thoughts quite often. I usually feel incredibly hideous to the point where I feel wrong to even check out a guy or fool myself into thinking I'd ever have a chance with someone. When I find myself attracted to a guy or daydreaming about him, one look in the mirror can often kill the mood/dream. These thoughts are bull**** though and we mustn't let ourselves be controlled by them. No matter how ugly we may feel and no matter how ugly we may actually look, we deserve to love and be loved and experience all the pleasures that come along with that.


Story of my life in exact words...we can be brain twins


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## IllFate (Feb 16, 2011)

Yeah, its gotten pretty bad for me. People expect me to not care about my looks because I'm a guy, but they don't understand how bad it sux to look like me. I wish ppl could look past my apperance, but it never happens. I just gave up a long time ago to ever have a girl like me that way


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## blc1 (Jan 8, 2009)

"I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first"

So true. You do have to give yourself permission. I don't give myself permission to fantasize about people I don't feel good enough for. I feel like my attraction to them is something offensive, possibly outrageous. oh how deep are the depths of self-loathing! When people are receptive and the attraction mutual, only then will I permit myself to fawn over them.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

blc1 said:


> "I think to be fully attracted to someone you have to get permission from yourself first"


Exactly right. :yes


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## Rocklee96 (Mar 31, 2011)

I don't think it's my face that's the problem. I used to be somewhat chubby and now I'm skinny as a twig. There's no middle ground for me. That combined with my inability to talk to girls makes me wonder if I'll ever find someone. =/


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I don't feel outright ugly (maybe somewhat unattractive at times), but I do know my "level" (or league, as they say). I have never ever been attracted to film stars or super good looking people ever. For example, Megan Fox is "not my type". I am not even attracted to her.

Even if someone who I think is in a higher league than me made the move first, I'd turn them down. Simply because them being "better" is a complete turn-off. I generally have a good idea of whom I can afford to be attracted to and whom I cannot.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

Yeah, I've felt like this. Funny, I was even thinking about it today. Whenever a guy expresses interest in me, I begin to view myself as if I were someone else and think, "Gross, he likes that girl??"



emptybottle2 said:


> I don't think I'm physically ugly, but I can't imagine myself as _*sexually*_ attractive and desirable to others. Like, I get embarrassed when I try to imagine myself in a sexual manner. I usuallly have to have someone else playing me in my own sexual fantasies.


I thought this only happened to me.



layitontheline said:


> I have had these exact thoughts quite often. I usually feel incredibly hideous to the point where I feel wrong to even check out a guy or fool myself into thinking I'd ever have a chance with someone. When I find myself attracted to a guy or daydreaming about him, one look in the mirror can often kill the mood/dream. These thoughts are bull**** though and we mustn't let ourselves be controlled by them. No matter how ugly we may feel and no matter how ugly we may actually look, we deserve to love and be loved and experience all the pleasures that come along with that.


Yes. At times I even feel uncomfortable expressing that I find someone attractive because I somehow feel like my ugliness makes me unworthy of saying such things.

And you're right about the bulls*it, but... :sigh


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## spacemanspiff (Dec 23, 2009)

I'll never be good looking or desired by a lot of women but I think that will make it all the more sweeter when someone does fall for me. They will have to love me a WHOLE lot to look at me everyday.


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## binsky (Jan 26, 2011)

Yep, so now I live in a fantasy world and am not attracted to "real-life" guys. I only lust after men I see on TV like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin and Nate Marquart and Rashad Evans and Randy Coutuure and Chris Webber and Georges St. Pierre and Dave Batista... =)


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

binsky said:


> Yep, so now I live in a fantasy world and am not attracted to "real-life" guys. I only lust after men I see on TV like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin and Nate Marquart and Rashad Evans and Randy Coutuure and Chris Webber and Georges St. Pierre and Dave Batista... =)


From what I've heard, Batista will pretty much tap anything :b


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## binsky (Jan 26, 2011)

Rixy said:


> From what I've heard, Batista will pretty much tap anything :b


Yeah, but after he's had Melina and Kelly Kelly, I doubt he'd hit this LOLL. I did take a picture with him back in 2003 (which is on display on my shelf lol) when I was completely obsessed with him. That was before he got really popular.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I am not attracted to females at all at this point in my life.


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## AliceSanKitchen (Aug 31, 2010)

RockIt said:


> If you think you are ugly, ask others you trust what they think. Find out what areas you can improve on and which you have no choice on. (I started losing my hair a few years ago, so I just said to nature - **** it. I'm gonna shave my head. Feels good.) You have to live with yourself for a long time so knowing you have done your best to adjust to the changes your body brings you can be very rewarding.


 i agree:clap


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

I'm at the point where I don't even believe someone if they say I'm (rarely) attractive. I always believe they're somehow delusional or have an ulterior motive. I don't think I'm the ugliest thing on earth, but I don't feel there is anything physically or personality wise attractive about me. So I figure, what's the point of finding someone attractive? There's a good chance they won't feel the same way about me. So I just don't bother with it anymore. I can deal with being alone.


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## MindOverMood (Dec 12, 2009)

binsky said:


> Yep, so now I live in a fantasy world and am not attracted to "real-life" guys. I only lust after men I see on TV like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin and Nate Marquart and Rashad Evans and Randy Coutuure and Chris Webber and Georges St. Pierre and Dave Batista... =)


GSP is a handsome man


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've felt like that before, but dang, there has to be something that turns me on every now and then, ya know? What about those times when you see a girl/guy do something in their own little strange way and your kind of like "whoa, that was kind of attractive"? Sometimes just the way a girl walks, smiles or talks can make me a little more attracted to her. Someone has to feel me on this one...

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't but I grew up thinking I was good looking but now all that is going away so I don't know anymore but it is like a complex I have to see myself in a good light even though I may get rejected a thousand times or even though I think I'm ugly....wow, 180 right there...

try not to focus on you jsut focus on how attracted you are to the other person and just accept it and don't think about yourself like that...you being attracted to someone else has nothing to do with how you look....allow it to happen...and if it bothers you that badly ask and you'll probably feel better...


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Yeah. I'm in the same boat. I try to make myself more attractive by doing all the girly stuff, but it never helps me at all. Such a waste of time.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I feel I'm worthy, the ones I'm attracted to just don't see it that way.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

I dont know. I guess it doesnt even matter, there are things beyond looks that makes it impossible for a sane girl to date a guy like me.


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## jlo111 (Apr 5, 2011)

As someone that is objectively very ugly, I KNOW no guy that is considered attractive will ever be attracted to me. In fact, not even loser guys are ever nice or attracted to me. Or ugly guys, or fat guys. It doesn't stop me for being attracted to guys, but when I do daydream about them, I imagine myself looking completely different. Like, as though there was some sort of plastic surgery that could change my huge nose into a small one, my tiny slit eyes into big ones and my big disgusting lips into small, feminine, pouty ones and I had somehow managed to afford it, and THEN gotten the guy. Ironically, I don't imagine myself being nice to the guy or grateful to have him at all, because being ugly has made me hate all men But I do imagine it. I guess I never thought daydreaming or being attracted to someone was a privilege.


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## crimsoncora (Mar 29, 2011)

Beauty is only skindeep, dont limit your options because of what you see in the mirror.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Beauty is skin deep? True, for the emotional seekers, but how many of them are going to see past looks? Not many...


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