# making peace with making bad first impressions?



## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

and seconds, and thirds..lol 

A lot of sa is being afraid of making a fool of ourselves and I know that that translates to me never committing to anything, whether it's school, work or friends. Because of the horrible first and probably 3rd and 4th impressions I automatically recoil and never quite throw myself into anything. It took me such a long time to get through school and fully realize that school's about education not making friends/socializing. Those are bonuses. I notice this attitude is especially prevalent for me with people. I missed out on so many opportunities with people because I've felt too awkward or stupid initially to let them in or pursue anything. And as painful as it might have been, I keep wondering if i just hung in there flaws and all with certain people, clubs/organizations would things have turned out different. 

Not to come off as arrogant but I'm attractive, funny, and adventurous and when I first meet someone I want all of those things to come out instead of a tense, darty eyed, uncomfortable mess...it's like as soon as someone looks my way I tense up and become a mess . Lately i've been thinking what if i just went with it??? eventually, i'll have to meet someone that gets along and likes me right? Strange, awkward ppl have friends too. To end my ramble, i guess i'm wondering if anyone adopted such a mentality..to just let it all hang out (the good, bad, and ugly) and found some cool people or had things work out for them?


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## Zack C (May 12, 2007)

Its aweful that you are having such a hard time with first impressions, because they are crucial to healthy reletionships. Because you are atractive you are given a sheild after being shot in the back with an arrow.
First off because when you are attractive you will be approached alot more. Also people expect much more confidence, and social competence from attractive people.
So people will be paying alot of attention to you. But at the same time your darty eyes tell people something is wrong. Also keep in mind that eye contact is VERY VERY important, you need to keep eyes locked, a smile often.


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## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

yea..i know what you mean about the arrow thing, but you're only given so many chances, before someone thinks "dud" and forgets about you. or maybe i'm wrong. There has to be people that are more open minded than that. I mean even around close friends I act all darty and uncomfortable..i hate it but they're still around. This can be due to the fact that they've known me before the SA set in. Anyway, I was thinking maybe appearing like a "dud" is ok. Those that will be attracted to you, will be attracted to you inside and out. if they're worth knowing they'll give you time..you just have to give them time in return and let them see who you are, the good and bad...at least that's what i'm hoping.

In the meantime, I would love to learn how to project more confidence. It's hard for me to smile more and focus my eyes. I just automatically get tense and my eyes goes crazy


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## crazyg (Jun 18, 2005)

I've always struggled with the first impression thing myself. It's only fairly recently that I've realized once I get past a certain point with people, I can be fun, silly and really enjoy myself. While first impressions are important, I don't think they're as important as it may seem. I mean, some people go solely on first impressions, but I really believe these people are missing out. First impressions aren't accurate. Many of my current friends didn't particularly make a fantastic first impression on me, yet I think they're awesome people now. 

And I've had the opposite happen where someone may seem great at first and then show their true, not-so-nice colours later. The trick right now, since you haven't mastered the first impression, is to stick around people long enough for them to get to know you. I don't think you're only given a set amount of time before people "give up on you." I think that friendships can happen at any point. I hardly spoke at one of my places of work for a whole year, and then one day something just clicked and I was able to be myself. Now, the people from there are like family. And the one girl always goes on about how she "can't believe how different I am." The truth is, I'm not different at all, I just finally got comfortable. It can happen!


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