# how to start a support group



## Andrea (Sep 1, 2004)

Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but how would one go about starting a support group (that doesn't cost a lot)? I feel like I have come a long way and want to help others improve. I am thinking that if I start one it would not only help others but also help me with my leadership skills. What kinds of things would we go over? are their any books or websites for this kind of thing? If you were to join a support group what kind of things would you like to have included?

Thanks,
Andrea


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## JasonAnthony31 (Feb 25, 2006)

The best thing to have would be people who were actually interested and motivated to attend....hehe......Too bad you are in Michigan and I in California....I have had no luck in starting any type of meeting/gathering of any kind......


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## loner1 (Mar 17, 2006)

*Support Group*

Andrea,

I tried to do this in St Louis, it's a lot harder than it seems. I made one friend, but the other 5 people only showed up for the first two meetings.

First, SA people need to feel safe, and to be led by a strong person. People that don't talk that much really need to be able to just sit and listen to someone who likes to talk for a while before they feel safe enough to join in. That's doesn't work much if you're SA too , but you can rely on props to carry you for a while until people feel more comfortable.

1. People need organized, structured meetings, I thought just meeting together and talking about SA would help, (the whole meeting and talking itself would solve something) but the conversation dies out quickly, and just bringing up new topics doesn't help.

2. Make up pamplets, powerpoint presentations, copy from a book, something physical for SAers to stare at when they don't want to talk.

3. If you have any tapes, CD's, videos about SA, that would help too. Anything other than just talking.

4. Don't make the meetings too frequent. Twice a month is tops, I tried making them once a week, and people didn't show after the first two.

5. I think the first meeting should be a survey of what people want help with, and then pick the top three from a list. Then everyone can work together on these three things.

6. Bring food, or make the meeting in a place where food is available.

Good luck, and hope you decide to do this! I think helping others really helps you get over your own anxiety.

:sas


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Our Vancouver group has been going for more than three years now but it hasn't been easy, it is definitely an ongoing struggle to get people to attend. Be prepared to devote some time and effort to making the group work. I agree with most of what loner1 said although in my opinion the group needs to meet at least once a week in order for members to make progress in reducing their anxiety.

To me, the single most important factor to keeping the group going is to get the word out to the community. That means you must have ongoing ads promoting your meetings. You should be able to find some community newspapers which give free advertising to non-profit groups. In addition, make sure to use online community service listings and others such as Craigslist as well as starting your own group website which will all help to get the word out to the public. 

First you will need a good meeting place, hopefully it will be as centrally located in the community as possible. There are several places that offer free rooms where you can meet regularly. My suggestion is to first try a school where someone is currently attending. Other possible options are libraries, community centers or churches. 

Once you get started try to make your meetings as interesting and informative as possible. Relaxation exercises and fun activities are good to include along with a discussion period. For example, our group has done charades, plays, improv exercises, presentations and demonstrations during our meetings. 

Definitely don't start your group until you have a sizable list of interested people(at least eight), otherwise the group will not have the legs to survive once the disinterested people start dropping out. Once that happens, you will need a steady stream of new bodies, and that is when your advertising will hopefully save you.


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## Andrea (Sep 1, 2004)

wow, I never thought it would be so much work. But I'm willing to give it a shot. I was thinking of trying to do some meditation and visualization exercises. I think I will have to do alot of research before I can get this thing started. Free Thinker, can you give me some examples of advertisements that your group uses? How long do your meetings last?

:thanks 
Andrea


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## TruSeeker777 (Nov 9, 2003)

Andrea, I've found what really helped our group is to have a website with a way for them to add their name to an email list at the bottom. I've found a great site that offers free web space to non-profit organizations and groups. It's easy to use and keeps track of member names, email addresses, etc. It also has a calendar to notify members of when the next meeting is.

http://www.orgsites.com

Our website is http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers

Also, I just found this today...If you go to http://www.adaa.org and click on Getting Help, then choose Support Groups, they have a section on that page with information on how to start your own group.

Hope that helps. 

Karen


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

Andrea said:


> Free Thinker, can you give me some examples of advertisements that your group uses? How long do your meetings last?


The ad we use in the community newspaper is short and sweet. I have the name of the group as the title and then the text "To enable those who fear public speaking or social interaction. Meetings are conducted in a voluntary, non-threatening environment." Then I include the phone number and website. Our meetings run for 2.5 hours. The time goes by very quickly. I'd easily go for 3 or 3.5 hours if others were willing.


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## philm (Oct 14, 2004)

*Re: Support Group*



loner1 said:


> Andrea,
> 
> I tried to do this in St Louis, it's a lot harder than it seems. I made one friend, but the other 5 people only showed up for the first two meetings.
> 
> ...


This is great!

You have ideas I have never seen anywhere else (great job!)

Everything here helps--

**However-- I found that holding a support group every week is better-- otherwise a lot of newcomers will get confused about which week you are 'on' and which week you are 'off'. **If you meet every single week people can have confidence that they will always be showing up at the right time. **But I let people know that they can skip meetings-- that way they can take breaks when they need to (keep the pressure off) without creating confusion about 'on' or 'off' weeks. Also a lot of people will come every week, which will make the group stronger.

Remember also that if you are scared to start a group-- that helping others actually will help your social anxiety (breaks the self-obsession that is the essence of social anxety).

So leading a group will actually help your anxiety (overall, we all have up and down days)!

Phil, Social Phobics Anonymous http://www.healsocialanxiety.com

.


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## philm (Oct 14, 2004)

_I have started 3 successful SA support groups using the suggestions below (and SPA now has support groups in 5 states)--

These are the Social Phobics Anonymous tips for how to start a social anxiety support group.

*Although the SPA approach has been a great help to me, you could use these principles to start any style of SA group-- *

_How to start a Social Phobics Anonymous Support Group: Some Helpful Tips 

When the darkness comes for me, I will light a match.

With that match, I will light a torch.

With that torch, I will light the way for others.

Together, we will find the new day. 

*It is through helping our fellow social anxiety sufferers that we ourselves are set free from our own anxiety problems.

We have found that there is a kind of spiritual principle at work here-- there is something about helping others (especially helping those with the same problems that we have) that heals us as we do the helping.*[/size]

*In any case, here are 12 simple steps to starting an SPA support group that you may find useful (you might want to print this out):*

1) If you start an SPA group we will list it for free on our web page (if you like) so that people can find out about it.

2) *Find a centrally located meeting place.* Churches or Synagogues often let support groups meet in their basements. You can also try hospitals, libraries, community centers, schools or universities. You may have to call a lot of places because many groups use these spaces, but if you keep at it you shouldn't have too much trouble finding a meeting space. If possible, find a place with free or inexpensive parking in a well lit area.

Some of these places require a small 'rent' of a few dollars a week or a month. If so, these places will usually lower the rent or even drop it to zero if you explain that you are starting a new group and won't have a lot of people in the beginning.

The recommended way to pay for a room 'rental' is to take a collection at every meeting (pass the hat or the basket and people throw in a dollar or two or whatever they can). This usually covers the rent. Important-- Always make it clear that nobody has to donate if they don't want to. There should be no pressure about donations-- only the the love and understanding of the fellowship.

3) *Set a meeting time and keep to it faithfully. *We suggest that you meet every week at exactly the same time. The reason is, if the time varies (or if you meet less than once a week) people will get confused about whether or not your meeting is 'on' or not this time around and they will tend not to come rather than waste a trip.

*Be sure to be on time for the meeting and stay for the whole meeting time, even if no one else comes in the beginning.* (Sometimes a new person will get lost on their first visit to your group and they might show up late-- even in the last 5 minutes of the meeting, so just be patient and wait through the whole meeting time so that you can greet all newcomers and make them feel at home).

This will help your group to grow and help it meet that critical mass where it becomes a self-perpetuating support group, no longer dependent on you.

4) *Advertise the support group meeting on an ongoing basis. ***Very Important** Support groups rarely last very long by word of mouth alone. A regular ad in a newspaper is essential to the success of a local (face-to-face support group). However the good news is, you can often get this advertising for free or cheap. First, try calling the 'Calendar' department of your local Newspapers, they often list support groups for free.

*A few flyers or an occasional ad won't cut it.* Sporadic efforts that don't reach a large number of people generally won't create the consistent attendence by newcomers needed to build and then sustain the support group.

Also important-- Whichever way you get your ad listed, be sure to run it at least 3 times a month (month after month-- year round). We have found that just running one ad a month-- or running occasional ads-- will almost never generate enough of a consistent response to build a sustained and ongoing SPA support group. Consistent advertising is key (although it often doesn't have to be expensive).

How To Advertise the group for free or (usually) inexpensively: If your city or town calendar section won't list your group for free, then try getting a classified ad. These are often not very expensive. If you can't afford the Sunday section, then try a weekly edition (weekly ads are often cheaper). Note-- if you live in major urban areas you may find that there is no way to avoiding paying a bit more for a an ongoing classified ad, even in the weekday sections.

*Consider the cost of doing nothing.* Keep in mind that the relatively small investment of time and money in starting a SPA support group is very much worth it. Ask yourself what the elimination of your social anxiety problems is worth to you personally.

Compare this to the 'opportunity costs' of missing out on the recovery from social anxiety that the SPA support group can provide-- a continuation of miserable anxiety symptoms, possibly for years to come, continued reduced quality of life, lost or strained relationships with friends and family, lost job or educational opportunities and perhaps the lost opportunity to ever develop an intimate and meaningful relationship with that special someone (or the undermining of the quality of an existing intimate relationship). In light of this, many of us with anxiety disorders have decided that the small time and expense required to start an SPA group is far outweighed by the benefits.

5) Get the books. Once you have the recommended SPA books, we suggest that the first 1/3 of the meeting time be spent reading from the books to the group.

6) *You do not have to have recovered from social anxiety yet yourself and you do not have to understand the books yet either to start a Social Phobics Anonymous support group.*

You just begin each meeting by having the support group take turns read from the books-- and all the knowledge is there!

These readings for the first 1/3 of the meeting time each week will provide all the needed information, social anxiety healing tips and wisdom to the support group (and you). As well as plently of topics of sharing for the rest of the meeting.

**If any one asks you a question you can't answer-- just encourage them to buy the books (and always encourage them keep to coming back to discuss what you are reading at the meeting!)

Information for ordering our recommended books is on the right side of our our web page at http://www.healsocialanxiety.com

7) A little more about the books--

The OCA book explains how to use the 12 step program to recover from anxiety (the book is actually written for a different anxiety problem-- 'OCD' but the 12 steps in the book work great for Social Anxiety Too).

Just substitute the words 'Social Anxiety' whenever you read the words 'OCD' in the book. Learning how to use the 12 steps is a powerful key to learning how to overcome anxiety problems.

We also strongly recommend the book written by Rhonda Britton "Fearless Living: Live without excuses and love without regret."

This book contains very powerful yet surprisingly simple tools for healing fear and anxiety. They are different tools than those found in the OCA 12 Step book, yet they compliment the 12 steps very nicely. Both books go well together and have a wealth of information on how to overcome any phobia or anxiety problem. **We do not profit from the sale of these books.

The same goes for Melody Beatties' book Codependents Guide to the 12 steps, just substitute the words 'social anxiety' for the words 'codependency' when you read this book in the meeting.

8 ) *Suggested meeting format:*

How To Run A Social Phobics Anonymous Group: Shows You Exactly What To Do Each Week.

http://www.geocities.com/seanphilib/How ... eting.html

Remember to make it a recovery support group and not a misery support group. Keeping the focus on the tools of recovery that you are learning from the books is key. Of course, people will need to talk about their pain, vent and get generally get things off their chest-- and they should be encouraged to do so. But try to set an example for the group (through your own behavior) and make gentle suggestions where possible and without overdoing it-- that it is best that this not just be a misery support group (where people support each other in living with the misery of the social anxiety) but rather a recovery group where people are primarily focused on learning how to get better. 
We also recommend reserving some time after the meeting (20 minutes or longer) for back-and-forth discussion, the uninterrupted sharing during the meeting has a very powerful healing effect.

9) *Be patient. It takes time for a group to grow--*

Don't give up when you finally get a meeting place, advertise it, and then at first-- nobody comes. (Or people attend the group once and they don't come back). It's hard for people with Social Anxiety or similar issues to seek help. It can take anywhere from a few months to even several months to get the group off the ground (get a solid core of regular participants who will come back week after week). But it is well worth it if you hang in there.

10)* The secret to getting through the early stages of starting the group is to make the meeting time your own special time, regardless of whether anyone else shows up.* If you make it your time (to read the books, relax, meditate, reflect, ect.) then you will look forward to it anyway and you won't be frustrated in the early stages of the groups life, when at first, no one comes, or people come but don't come back.

And eventually, if you keep coming back each week no matter what, a group of regulars will be established. And there will eventually be be a thriving support group that provides the inspiration, support, wisdom and the recovery knowledge in the 12 steps and our other literature that will help you and others to get better.

**But just be ready for this process to take a few months and not weeks, hence the need to make the meeting time your own quality time so that you can hang in there long enough to see the group happen.

11) *Remember that it is well worth it. *And if you stay committed long enough-- there will be a support group!! You get back 100 times what you put into starting the group-- so it is worth the wait and worth coming to an empty room every week and also seeing people come and not return for a while.

Eventually this will change and you end up with a thriving, valuable, SPA support group that will be a great source of healing for you and others. Even the very act of working to start such a group can start the healing and recovery process for the person doing the work. Some of us who have started 12 step anxiety support groups have experienced a significant degree of recovery, from their anxiety problems even before the support group fully materializedsimply by consistently taking the actions needed to start a support group, although each of us recovers at different speeds.

And if we stay committed, we will end up with a group of friends who understand, support and encourage us in recovering from this illness better than anyone else possibly could. Because they also know what it is like to struggle with Social Anxiety and they also will be committed to working towards recovery rather than being lost in misery.

Along with the powerful healing benefits of a recovery-focused Social Phobics Anonymous support group!!

12) *It really works!* This can eventually greatly reduce or eliminate ones social anxiety problems. I have experienced this myself and I can tell you that starting a support group was one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. And it was easier than I thought it would be! It just took a little patience and a willingness to show up without fail every week (on time) and read quietly to myself when others did not come. Eventually they did and now I have a family of recovering friends.

There is really no mystery here, all that was missing was the Social Anxiety fellowship, working as a communiiy on the 12 step path...

The result was that we began to experience the joy of being freed from the prison of our social anxiety.

The end of years painful social isolation and the wonderful ability to enjoy precious friendships, to end unneccesary sepration from relatives, to go to work with dignity and a healthy pride and perhaps to even experience the sacred privilidge of an intimate relationship for the first time in years.

These are some of the many gifts that can come from putting social anxiety recovery out front where it belongs and giving oneself the gift of a fellowship entirely focused on using the 12 steps to gain release from this sad and bitter syndrome.

Best,

Phil, Social Phobics Anonymous http://www.healsocialanxiety.com

Social Phobics Anonymous is a free, volunteer run organization. 

PRINT THIS PAGE OUT AND KEEP IT!!


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## cicada (Aug 25, 2005)

Those of you who have started support groups- do your groups have a set of guidelines or rules of conduct? I have recently started a group, and now it seems like there should be rules concerning people's personal information and interactions between members outside of group meetings. Some people with SA feel uncomfortable receiving invitations from other members, and I am trying to figure out how to avoid making anyone feel put on the spot while still allowing the freedom for members to meet up with each other outside of group meetings.


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## philm (Oct 14, 2004)

cicada said:


> Those of you who have started support groups- do your groups have a set of guidelines or rules of conduct? I have recently started a group, and now it seems like there should be rules concerning people's personal information and interactions between members outside of group meetings. Some people with SA feel uncomfortable receiving invitations from other members, and I am trying to figure out how to avoid making anyone feel put on the spot while still allowing the freedom for members to meet up with each other outside of group meetings.


Cicada,

Thanks for your question. I very much agree. It has to be done gently but (in my opinion) there needs to be some structure and ground rules for an SA support group or the more outgoing people will scare off the people who are more shy or have stronger phobias.

It can be done, however. It is possible to run a group where everyone feels safe and the more strongly phobic people are not pressured or put on the spot.

I'm a little busy at the moment but check back later today or tomorrow and I'll post how we deal with these issues in our groups.

Phil

.


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

cicada said:


> Those of you who have started support groups- do your groups have a set of guidelines or rules of conduct? I have recently started a group, and now it seems like there should be rules concerning people's personal information and interactions between members outside of group meetings. Some people with SA feel uncomfortable receiving invitations from other members, and I am trying to figure out how to avoid making anyone feel put on the spot while still allowing the freedom for members to meet up with each other outside of group meetings.


Yes, it is important to establish the guidelines early and to make sure everyone is aware of them. Of course it is considered improper conduct to be discussing intimate details of the particular members which is pertaining to the what was discussed at group meetings. Having members get together outside of group meetings can be tricky. On one hand it is good to develop a comraderie among members but at the same time conflicts can develop. I've seen close relationships go bad and instances where non-SA people begin inquiring about how you happen to know a person that you have known only through the SA group. Unfortunately, it can lead to some uncomfortable situations.

From what I've heard from psychologists/counselors, their policy is to ignore their clients outside of meetings, unless their client approaches them.


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