# Confused by this Girl's actions



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

I'm sorry this is a lot to read.. but please help, I have made a few threads on this but didn't explain everything. 

Anyway I have gotten to know this Girl from University, we have been friends since January. I used to like her, but I found out that she had a boyfriend, so I just remained friends with her. Anyway this Girl was really shy around me from January - April time. We would talk, but it would mainly be me doing all the talking, when we would talk, she would talk about her boyfriend quite a lot, she also later confessed to me on Facebook that she suffers with Anxiety, (Like me) however she still seemed quite outgoing and confident around others.

We started talking on Facebook when we broke up from University for the year, we would talk quite a lot, the more we kept talking, the more I started to like her. I didn't want this, since I knew she was in a relationship. After talking online for a while, I decided to stop talking to her and tried to move on from her, however after a week she would message me and ask "How are you", "What's up" etc.
I couldn't just ignore her since we've been friends/acquaintences for a while, and ignoring her would be awkward since we both go the same university and study the same course. 

Anyway some of her actions over the past two months or so have left me puzzled. I don't know if she's starting to like me, or if she's using me, or if she's starting to see me as a good friend. Recently I seen her in person, and she started waving at me, and stroking my hair, and I caught her mentioning my name when she was with her friends, and when I would look, her and her friends would smile. 

Aother time during the same week, she offered to hangout with me and a few people from Uni, and we were in the car and she touched my hand, this was on the way home, and when she touched my hand, she just went really quiet for a while. Another time I seen her when I was kinda drunk, she was extremely chatty and kinda flirty, and when we were about to go, she said "Message me tomorrow" and me being an idiot at the time and being drunk was like "Uh about what" and she said "Ooh um about anything" and laughed??

Recently I left FB too, and when I told her she seemed disapointed, and told me that if I wanted to keep talking with her that she would give me her email and her phone number. Recently she keeps prolonging the conversations too, even if I don't ask her questions, and she has been more sarcastic and jokes more these days, and says things like "I hate you" Jokingly. She has also asked a few times in the past for us to hangout for Drinks/Coffee.

Also another minor thing is that when we were talking online a few months back, we were talking about various things and joking about, At the time I liked someone else, and asked her if she knew her, and she seemed like she didn't want to talk about her. I remember saying that I would ask her out for Coffee, and she just ignored the message and has never talked about that Girl since.

That's a bit strange since most girls help their guy friends when they like someone, they usually gave them their support etc. Another thing is that she barely mentions her boyfriend anymore, and when she does, she seems disinterested. Couild it be that she knows that I kinda like her, which is why she's stopped mentioing him.

What do you think of her actions?? It feels like she treats me as a friend, yet she's never stated that we should hangout as friends or anything??? I'm not going to ruin their relationship or anything, I want her to be happy, I don't want to pursue. I'll be honest if she were to dump him in the future, then I would try and make a move. Her actions sometimes confuse me. I have tried not speaking to her, but after a while, she starts talking to me again.... and no she's not a ****ty type, she's kinda nerdy/gothic into books/writing/music etc.


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

Update, she's usually quite shy. Like I stated, she was shy around me and all of a sudden seems pretty confident around me and flirty, I've yet to see her like that with other guys from the university course, she's usually a bit more formal with them.


----------



## Fyoeu (Jan 20, 2016)

Holy hell... I'm gonna keep an eye on this thread. I'm having the SAME situation at my job. Girl has a BF but is very flirty with me, touches me, and stares at me a lot. I kinda sorta maybe like her.... But, if she's in a relationship, I wouldn't want to get involved with that.


----------



## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Well, first of all lets stablish that her being shy or being into books or nerdy stuff does not mean she is not ****ty, she can be a "mosquita muerta" as we would say in spanish, you know ...

Second, maybe the girl is into you or she just feels more comfortable around you.

Regarding to you mentioning the girl, this is quite ambiguous, chicks loooove to be the "only one" even if they are not interested in you do not want you talking about other chicks you like, seriously, I don't even know how that works.


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

Fyoeu said:


> Holy hell... I'm gonna keep an eye on this thread. I'm having the SAME situation at my job. Girl has a BF but is very flirty with me, touches me, and stares at me a lot. I kinda sorta maybe like her.... But, if she's in a relationship, I wouldn't want to get involved with that.


I'm glad you can relate bro Haha


----------



## Mnster (Oct 2, 2008)

Seems to me that her boyfriend isn't giving her much attention. I can say from my past relationships that women love the attention of a man. Doesn't really matter if in a relationship or not. My ex loved chatting up some guy, she loved the "I like the way you's" and the "your so funnies" it's positive encouragement. 

You're in what they call The Friend Zone. 

No matter what you do she is still in a relationship so she is off limits. You are not dating her so feel free to date others while remaining loose friends. Don't get fixated on her. You need to date others as it will remove your attention from her. 

If you want to pursue her I would cut all contact that is initiated by you. When she texts reply back but with short answers. When she calls offer to invite her over for date. If she doesn't want to, just state "call me if you change your mind". Stick to what you want from her. If she has nothing but friend ship to offer just tell her thanks but you're not interested in that. 

Best of luck.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

If she's stroking your hair along with all the rest of that stuff, she's clearly overtly flirting with you. Since she has a boyfriend, keep in mind that she's the kind of person who flirts with other guys while in a relationship.


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

Mnster said:


> Seems to me that her boyfriend isn't giving her much attention. I can say from my past relationships that women love the attention of a man. Doesn't really matter if in a relationship or not. My ex loved chatting up some guy, she loved the "I like the way you's" and the "your so funnies" it's positive encouragement.
> 
> You're in what they call The Friend Zone.
> 
> ...


Thank you man, I appreciate it!! You gave some valid points, I would rather be her friend more than anything, since that's how we started off. I still think guys can be friends with Girls Haha...it's just that her actions would sometimes suggest that she wanted more, while she's in the relationship with her other guy.... I have tried to stop initiating conversation, but after a week, she would message me back.. Plus we've been talking online and in person for quite a while now, which makes it more difficult to cut contact with her completely... especially when we goto the same uni course, and we're all friendly with each other from the course.

She did mention to me online the other day that she was feeling a bit up and down, and bored, so I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime soon, and she said "Yeah sounds good, great idea"

You're right though, I shouldn't be fixated on her, but I don't want to end the friendship with her.. perhaps I should be more honest when she's being flirty and remind her that she has a boyfriend??


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

Paul said:


> If she's stroking your hair along with all the rest of that stuff, she's clearly overtly flirting with you. Since she has a boyfriend, keep in mind that she's the kind of person who flirts with other guys while in a relationship.


She is generally a shy person, however she does get these spurts of confidence, she was extremely shy around me, and has all of a sudden felt more cormfortable around me, I don't mean to brag or sound cocky, but she was acting flirty and stroking my hair, when I was around other guys. I haven''t seen her like that with other men when I've been with her.... however I'm not with her 24/7 so who knows.... Yeah I highly doubt she would have done all that sutff around me if her boyfriend was there with her Haha


----------



## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

How badly do u fear being rejected by her?


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

VanitysFiend said:


> How badly do u fear being rejected by her?


I know I'd get rejected by her since she's in a relationship. The reason I wouldn't tell her is because I don't want to ruin the friendship.

I don't think there's point in me telling her.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yech, this sounds like hell.

Uhm, I'm kind of flirty with everyone. Not THAT flirty though. I would _never_ stroke someone's hair like that if I wasn't interested. Actually, I wouldn't do that unless something was already started.

I agree with Paul that she's the type that does this while supposedly in a relationship.

Eh, you'll do what you'll do. May this turn out better than a punch in the gut.

Cheers!


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Yech, this sounds like hell.
> 
> Uhm, I'm kind of flirty with everyone. Not THAT flirty though. I would _never_ stroke someone's hair like that if I wasn't interested. Actually, I wouldn't do that unless something was already started.
> 
> ...


Thanks for reading it. Yeah it kinda baffles me a bit too. She's only ever been in one relationship though sne it's been 3-4 years, and she's only 20.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

kyle1995 said:


> Thanks for reading it. Yeah it kinda baffles me a bit too. She's only ever been in one relationship though sne it's been 3-4 years, and she's only 20.


Hmm...

Is it wrong to ask her why she does the things that she does, or how she feels about you?

I'm no expert. I fail at every turn, so... lol!


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Hmm...
> 
> Is it wrong to ask her why she does the things that she does, or how she feels about you?
> 
> I'm no expert. I fail at every turn, so... lol!


I could ask her, but even then she'd deny if she liked me or if she had feelings for me due to her being in a relationship... plus asking her might make her not talk to me anymore.

I could try and be subtle about it I guess haha


----------



## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

kyle1995 said:


> I know I'd get rejected by her since she's in a relationship.


Not necessarily...



kyle1995 said:


> The reason I wouldn't tell her is because I don't want to ruin the friendship.


Her behaviour is already causing issues with the friendship...



kyle1995 said:


> I don't think there's point in me telling her.


So say we all...


----------



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

She likes you and is making it overtly obvious to you. That said, she is involved and therefore untrustworthy. Keep talking to her neutrally until she either gets over it or finds some other guy to flirt with who is willing to help her dissolve her current relationship.


----------



## kyle1995 (Aug 4, 2014)

path0gen said:


> She likes you and is making it overtly obvious to you. That said, she is involved and therefore untrustworthy. Keep talking to her neutrally until she either gets over it or finds some other guy to flirt with who is willing to help her dissolve her current relationship.


I highly doubt she would leave her boyfriend for me anyway lmao. Yeah that's what my intentions are. I intend on talking to her like a friend.


----------



## Mnster (Oct 2, 2008)

kyle1995 said:


> Thank you man, I appreciate it!! You gave some valid points, I would rather be her friend more than anything, since that's how we started off. I still think guys can be friends with Girls Haha...it's just that her actions would sometimes suggest that she wanted more, while she's in the relationship with her other guy.... I have tried to stop initiating conversation, but after a week, she would message me back.. Plus we've been talking online and in person for quite a while now, which makes it more difficult to cut contact with her completely... especially when we goto the same uni course, and we're all friendly with each other from the course.
> 
> She did mention to me online the other day that she was feeling a bit up and down, and bored, so I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime soon, and she said "Yeah sounds good, great idea"
> 
> You're right though, I shouldn't be fixated on her, but I don't want to end the friendship with her.. perhaps I should be more honest when she's being flirty and remind her that she has a boyfriend??


It's been shown that women like mystery and therefore a mysterious man. By cutting or limiting contact you are being mysterious. She wonders what you are doing, like a curious cat and it draws her right in to ask questions.

I'd agree it is good to keep her around as a friend. As a bonus to the friendship you'll be able to network to a greater crowd and possibly meet more people to date. As you stated earlier she is already telling her group of friends how great you are so they already are thinking quite highly of you. Although you said she isn't putting you out there in the dating world perhaps she will one day. This is also why I try to end it well with my Ex's as friends, networking.

Women can often be competitive among each other in many ways just look at how they dress for example. So don't expect her to reward you for dating others as any other girl can be a rival. She thinks what does he see in her that he doesn't see in me? She might instantly think of how the other girl is taller or thinner or better looking or whatever and be put off by it.. You can work it to your advantage if you date a lot of women as they can at times compete over each other to win you over. For example they might see you out with someone very attractive and think wow he dated her and now he is asking me out! Or perhaps knowing you are around multiple women the chance to win you over will seem altogether more urgent and higher level.

Seems like you have the right ideas though I am no expert on women. Be playful flirty and jokingly remind her "Pst hey don't touch me like that! you have a boyfriend." Or something to that effect that will raise the question in a playful manner without really raising the question.


----------



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

kyle1995 said:


> I highly doubt she would leave her boyfriend for me anyway lmao. Yeah that's what my intentions are. I intend on talking to her like a friend.


It's not your intentions that are in question here. And an unhappy girlfriend is about two drinks away from doing anything.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Hey everyone it's Kyle, I can't use my old account anymore since I've forgotten the password and email for it. Anyway I need to dig this thread for the last time. Recently I failed an exam, but passed all my other work, and this Girl replies online with "Going out in the summer will cheer you up " With a wink face. Is this still too much overflirting??


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Going out?

Ack, I hate it when people hint! What does she _mean_?!!! haha

My guesses are:
* she wants you to ask her out (if so, she should just say that, or ask you out herself)
* she is just saying it will be nice for you to go out in the summer


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Going out?
> 
> Ack, I hate it when people hint! What does she _mean_?!!! haha
> 
> ...


Well we mentioned about going out a few weeks back, but I completely forgot about it, the way I see it if she was referring to me going out with my friends, wouldn't she have said "You should go out with some friends, that'll make you feel better" 
It's so frustrating Haha, is she implying on me asking her out when she says "Going out in the summer will cheer you up " with a wink lol. Maybe she's being subtle since she's still in a relationship, and it might look bad if she blatently just asked me out.
I don't know what to do!! Haha


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Well, since you discussed going out together (just the two of you?), I would assume she means that.Maybe ask her what she thinks you should do as far as an activity.

She was laying it on pretty thick before, however. Are you _sure_ that you want to be involved with someone who still has a boyfriend?


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Well, since you discussed going out together (just the two of you?), I would assume she means that.Maybe ask her what she thinks you should do as far as an activity.
> 
> She was laying it on pretty thick before, however. Are you _sure_ that you want to be involved with someone who still has a boyfriend?


When I asked her, I mean as a friendly thing, saying that we should get a few people from Uni and go for some drinks. If she were to dump her boyfriend then I would make a move, but right now I'm going to continue to be friends with her, if she starts flirting more towards me, I think I'm going to have to remind her that she HAS a boyfriend. I just hope she doesn't know already that I like her, but I think she might have a rough idea, even if she hasn't said anything.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Oh okay, a group outing. That sounds nice actually. I think that you should round up your friends and do as you discussed.  Also, reminding her that she has a boyfriend if she gets too pushy sounds like a plan too. Stand firm on that. haha It could be difficult, seeing as you like her and all.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Oh okay, a group outing. That sounds nice actually. I think that you should round up your friends and do as you discussed.  Also, reminding her that she has a boyfriend if she gets too pushy sounds like a plan too. Stand firm on that. haha It could be difficult, seeing as you like her and all.


I know this might sound pathetic Haha, but I'm 50/50 about hanging out with her, I haven't seen in person in almost a month now since we broke up from University, and when I did see in person it was super awkward, We were hanging out, I was sitting by her in the car, and at one point she touched my hand, plus on the day she was lingering around me a lot. She even touched my arm at one point. 
I remember the conversation on the way back home was super awkward, she was kinda stuttering but smiling too, she was like
"um yeah.. should hopefully see you sometime soon"
and I was stuttering too lmao. 
Since then we've been talking online or on text 3-5 times a week, and I feel like when I do see her, I'll be stumbling on my words which might make her suspect something, however she might be a bit dense if she doesn't already suspect something TBH Haha xD


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Haha. Welllllll.... It's _all _up to you, but if you don't think you can handle it, maybe you shouldn't hang out with her.

You're in a predicament, huh? I'm sorry.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Haha. Welllllll.... It's _all _up to you, but if you don't think you can handle it, maybe you shouldn't hang out with her.
> 
> You're in a predicament, huh? I'm sorry.


Yep I'm in a pickle alright! Haha... I think I'm going to hangout with her in the future, but I'm going to ask her something like "Are you sure your boyfriend is okay with us hanging out" and see how she reacts.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@kyle1995

Women I have met who are like that tend to cheat. It takes a man much like themselves personality wise to make them settle with one man. But even then the urge to wander is still there and they will most likely cheat, move on with another man.

Also women like that usually have two men on the go at the same time. Some are honest about it to the two men involved, some aren't and they wouldn't know about the other man.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

ANX1 said:


> @*kyle1995*
> 
> Women I have met who are like that tend to cheat. It takes a man much like themselves personality wise to make them settle with one man. But even then the urge to wander is still there and they will most likely cheat, move on with another man.
> 
> Also women like that usually have two men on the go at the same time. Some are honest about it to the two men involved, some aren't and they wouldn't know about the other man.


I know where you're coming from, and you do bring up some good valid points, but it's just that this Girl doesn't seem like a cheater. She's not like some other women who go and have flings with other guys, that's why I'm confused by her currently. People can say I'm overanalzyzing but the thing is, I doubt her boyfriend knows about her stroking my hair, touching my hand, sending wink faces online, asking for my number, and asking to hangout etc.
She seems the type who doesn't really talk to that many guys, plus in University she's probably one of the most smartest ones on the course, she's booksmart, kinda geeky, and kinda gothic too, so it's not like as if she's trashy or anything. She could have put me in the friendzone though, but she's never once said "You're a good friend" or "Want to hangout as friends" she's never referred to me as a friend.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@LayneNKurt1995

I guess depends on what one thinks "cheating" is.

If she did this after breaking up with BF, then I believe it's not cheating. But I believe it is cheating if she is doing this while still has a BF. A woman that is committed to her BF doesn't act this way, tends to ignore all other men except BF. If comfortable enough in a relationship (married) she will be friendly, but knows the boundaries.

If playing the field when single, then I believe that is different. Some women do this in nightclubs by dirty dancing with many men.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Finally!! This Girl mentioned her boyfriend, well it's a good and bad thing I guess, I tried getting her to mention him by asking her what she's been up to. At least now it gives me a chance to stop talking to her, and I made that a bit obvious. I mean you don't talk to a guy multiple times in a week for 2 months, not mention him, and all of a sudden mention him again. It was something along the lines of

Me: So have you been up to much in the past few days
Her: No i've not been doing that much, but I'm seeing ....... and then it's my friend's party, and then it's my boyfriend's birthday. I have a lot of birthdays lol
Me: So much for not up to much... well have fun Haha

and I just left it at that. I don't think it's any point to even keep replying to this Girl. I'm thinking of not talking to her anymore, or just talk really little to her, If she keeps trying to talk to me or ask me questions, I'm just going to remind her of her boyfriend.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Yep. She's into u. Her relationship is crumbling so now shes leaning onto u and sending u signals. Expect a break up sometime soon  Tread with caution tho. Good luck bruh.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Yep. She's into u. Her relationship is crumbling so now shes leaning onto u and sending u signals. Expect a break up sometime soon  Tread with caution tho. Good luck bruh.


Yeah I'll be cautious Haha  I think I'm done with this Girl, I feel as though she don't give a **** about me, I don't even think she sees me as a friend. You should read my last post, it's probably the one above you saying that I'm done.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Ummmm. It sounds like she told u what shes been up to. One minute u say u value her friendship and the next u need an excuse not to talk to her? Im confused lol


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Ummmm. It sounds like she told u what shes been up to. One minute u say u value her friendship and the next u need an excuse not to talk to her? Im confused lol


Yeah I did value the friendship, but she started flirting with me all the time, and talking to me online when she was with someone. This continued for almost 2 months, and now all of a sudden she mentions him. You honestly would have thought they weren't together due to her never mentioning him. 
I'll still talk to her if she talks to me, but I'm not going to initiate anymore, she had plenty of opportunites to mention him. I mean you don't flirt with someone consistently, talk to them nearly every day for 2 months, and then mention him. 
Ovbiously she can mention him, but why didn't she all the times before??

Another minor thing is that over the last 2 weeks, even though she's been talking to me a lot, it's any excuse to her to rub herself in my face, it's always "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me" She could give a **** about me, that's why I'm starting to see that she's not really much of a friend. 
I think she just uses a loser like me to gloat and make her feel better about herself.

As I'm typing this.... I really don't know if I should talk to her anymore? I personally think it's best if I don't.

Sorry if I seem like a dick in this thread, I admit I am under the weather, not really due to this, but just family and other personal stress getting to me a little.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Hey it's ok - i know ur not a d.ick.. All good  whatever makes u less anxious, man. I dnt like headgames either but eh. I do think she likes u ... *shrug* Maybe just find someone else haha. Plenty of fish in de seaaa. Btw do u have skype? We used to email eachother once upon a time remember? U can talk to me whenever bruh


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Hey it's ok - i know ur not a d.ick.. All good  whatever makes u less anxious, man. I dnt like headgames either but eh. I do think she likes u ... *shrug* Maybe just find someone else haha. Plenty of fish in de seaaa. Btw do u have skype? We used to email eachother once upon a time remember? U can talk to me whenever bruh


Ah thank you!  Funnily enough I was going to get Skype, not long ago and I just forgot about it. I'll definitely look into getting an account though! Meh, if she really did like me, I think she would have finished with her boyfriend by now Haha. 
Thanks! xD same goes for you, and anyone else who stumbles on my post. I like to try and help anyone or give advice if I can.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Hey it's ok - i know ur not a d.ick.. All good  whatever makes u less anxious, man. I dnt like headgames either but eh. I do think she likes u ... *shrug* Maybe just find someone else haha. Plenty of fish in de seaaa. Btw do u have skype? We used to email eachother once upon a time remember? U can talk to me whenever bruh


LMFAO, don't frigging believe it, but I told you about the convo right where she said she's super busy etc, and I literally replied with "Have fun Haha"
Now she emails me saying, "Well I weren't busy until this week lmao, what about you, are you up to much"?

She's known for prolonging conversations, that's why I get frustrated, I literally said 2 days ago that I've been spending a lot of time playing my guitar since my exam didn't go well the other week.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Umm.. It sounds like shes just trying to be friends with u and show an interest. If she just wanted u to feel better about herself, im pretty sure she'd try harder.. I dno. Im not saying im right and ur wrong but i think ur reading alot into this. So long as she doesnt try kissing u, what she does or doesnt say/do is up to her; whether shes in a relationship or not. Some girls find it hard to be friends with guys without the odd flirty comment here or there because thats the only way they know how to keep guys in their life..?


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

I'm not saying u should like her back but ur sorta making her out to be a villian. She could be having boyfriend troubles. She may not be. Either way, shes not being rude or *****y to u, so dnt be so harsh.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

And to all the ppl who read these comments and automatically assume i think its ok for this chick to be unfaithful etc. NO. I dnt mean that at all.. I mean u cant control others but u can control urself. Kyle hasnt done anything wrong here. Whether he stays or leaves is his choice.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Get on dat skype, bro.


*poke* Dooo it.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yeah, the boyfriend is not sitting well with you. You probably ought to start looking elsewhere. She's going to drive you crazy. Not that she hasn't already been doing just that.


----------



## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

IMO you really don't want to 'date' this girl, for your own sake.

It sounds like she's treating you like a rebound guy or Plan B :no

If you did decide to 'date' her, don't be surprised if she ends up cheating on you. I say move on. Good luck!


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

StephCurry said:


> IMO you really don't want to 'date' this girl, for your own sake.
> 
> It sounds like she's treating you like a rebound guy or Plan B :no
> 
> If you did decide to 'date' her, don't be surprised if she ends up cheating on you. I say move on. Good luck!


Thank you!! She mentioned about hanging again, and I just just told her "Well would your boyfriend be okay with us hanging out" and she said that he's not like that, and he's okay with it, and that they are not in each other's faces like some couples can be.
It seems like she might just see me as a good guy friend after reading what she put today.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Yeah, the boyfriend is not sitting well with you. You probably ought to start looking elsewhere. She's going to drive you crazy. Not that she hasn't already been doing just that.


Thank you! Yeah I need to look for someone else, She mentioned about hanging again today, and I just told her if her boyfriend would be okay with me and her hanging out" and she said that he's not like that, and he's okay with it, and that they are not in each other's faces like some couples can be.
After reading that today, it seem like afterall she does see me as a good guy friend, which makes me okay with that, but if she starts being too over-flirty when we are out. I have to remind her about her boyfriend.

Thank for your answers on here too! :smile2:


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Umm.. It sounds like shes just trying to be friends with u and show an interest. If she just wanted u to feel better about herself, im pretty sure she'd try harder.. I dno. Im not saying im right and ur wrong but i think ur reading alot into this. So long as she doesnt try kissing u, what she does or doesnt say/do is up to her; whether shes in a relationship or not. Some girls find it hard to be friends with guys without the odd flirty comment here or there because thats the only way they know how to keep guys in their life..?


I apologise if I seem a bit harsh when with the way I'm describing her, but we've been friends since January, and around early May was when she started talking to me continously online, and I noticed around then was when she stopped mentioning her boyfriend. She even stroked my hair, and touched my hand in person which made things awkward, and when I went to get something at one point, I could hear my name being mentioned to her friends, and they were smiling, and she was waving. 
I think that's why my attraction started building up, just because she was being so flirty. She said earlier today about hanging out, so I just asked if her boyfriend would be okay with me and her hanging out, and she seemed really optimistic and she said "Aww no lmao, he's not like that, we're not at each other's throats like some couples"

I guess after all it's a good thing that she now just sees me as a great guy friend, as long as she doesn't keep being too over-flirty, when she's still with him.

Thank you for your answers!! I'll try and get that Skype account sorted sometime soon xD


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Time to dig this thread up again  I really don't know what to do, I find it difficult to talk to the girl since my feelings for her go up all the time, and that's not right since she's with someone. She keeps messaging me EVERY day about any random mundane topics she can think of, just to get me to respond. However I reply with short answers these days, and I take longer to respond to her, but she's just messaging me every day.... I can't ignore her, I've been friends with her for 6-7 months, and I've talked to her so often, but it's at the point where it's getting too much. It's getting to the point where she feels like she must tell me whenever she's doing something. 
I know she thinks of me as a friend/acquaintence but why does she message me almost everyday???? She's open about everything, but still barely mentions her BF.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

:/

Ugh, torture!

I'd be tempted to rip off the band-aid and ask her what she's about. Knowing me, however, I'd chicken out at the last minute and the torture would go on and on and on until it poisoned everything.

From personal experience, I've learned that this kind of activity doesn't necessarily mean someone is "into" you, but _she_ may very well be. That said, it is uncool of her to string you _and_ DBF along like she is. Maybe she doesn't know what she's doing.

Mom says, "make good choices." Haha, easier said than done, isn't it?

Cheers.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> :/
> 
> Ugh, torture!
> 
> ...


Thanks!  Yep it's frustrating. I kindly said something to her online the other day like "Have a great week" (since she had stuff coming up) literally the next day she's like "Hey I seen Blahblahblah, and today I blahblahblah" She just finds any excuse to reply to whatever I say. 
I know deep down she don't like me in that way, however she has dropped subtle hints which has me questioned. Examples are when she touched my hair, tried to find ways to touch my arm and hand. There are plenty of others too Haha. 
The only time she ignored me and was quite shirty with me was a few months ago, when I told her about a Girl who I liked at the time, and that I was planning to ask her for Coffee, she never gave me advice for that or wished me luck, she just ignored me, whereas other male and female friends were saying "Ah yeah ask her for Coffee, ah good luck man"

In a week or two, we might be hanging out, and if she finds excuses to not hangout, I'd be done talking to her at that point. She seems okay about hanging out, I asked her if her boyfriend would be okay with it, and she was like "Ah yeah don't be silly, he's not like that"
Hmm.... not too sure Haha.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

What happened to the other girl that you were going to ask for coffee? This one with the boyfriend is more interesting, huh? Aw man, you're doomed! Haha. Well, I hope all turns out well for ya.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> What happened to the other girl that you were going to ask for coffee? This one with the boyfriend is more interesting, huh? Aw man, you're doomed! Haha. Well, I hope all turns out well for ya.


It turned out that the other Girl was gay, and she had aspergers, so she was really socially awkward.. Yep my luck around women over the past few months has been great....fairplay.

Well like I said, I used to like the Girl with the boyfriend, however when I knew that she was with someone, I forgot about her for a few months, and was just acquaintences, and I tried to make an effort wit the other girl. 
Overtime me and this Girl with the boyfriend started getting more friendly towards each other, and she kept flirting, and acting playful around me, and.... you know the whole story xD


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

Sorry for my ****ty spelling, I'm half asleep right now lmao


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

LayneNKurt1995 said:


> It turned out that the other Girl was gay, and she had aspergers, so she was really socially awkward.. Yep my luck around women over the past few months has been great....fairplay.
> 
> Well like I said, I used to like the Girl with the boyfriend, however when I knew that she was with someone, I forgot about her for a few months, and was just acquaintences, and I tried to make an effort wit the other girl.
> Overtime me and this Girl with the boyfriend started getting more friendly towards each other, and she kept flirting, and acting playful around me, and.... you know the whole story xD


Ah, dang. Okay. 

Yeah, I know the story.

Pheh, spelling...


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

I apologise for digging this thread up AGAIN.... but it seems as though this Girl has stopped talking to me, after a few weeks of messaging me almost every day, she hasn't messaged me in 4-5 days, and I don't know what I've done wrong. My gut feeling is that she has finally found out that I liked her, which could be the reason why she has stopped communicating with me.


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Ah, dang. Okay.
> 
> Yeah, I know the story.
> 
> Pheh, spelling...


I now finally know why why the Girl is like she is Haha, earlier today we were talking, and she came out with "Don't be silly, that's what friends are for Haha"

People might think being friendzoned sucks, but to me it's the second best thing if she thinks I'm a good friend, because she doesn't shut me out of her life completely.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

LayneNKurt1995 said:


> I now finally know why why the Girl is like she is Haha, earlier today we were talking, and she came out with "Don't be silly, that's what friends are for Haha"
> 
> People might think being friendzoned sucks, but to me it's the second best thing if she thinks I'm a good friend, because she doesn't shut me out of her life completely.


I agree with you. Having good friends is awesome! I hope that you continue the good friendship.

In the meantime, I hope that you find someone special to be your partner too (because that seems to be what you want). Cheers!


----------



## LayneNKurt1995 (Jun 28, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> I agree with you. Having good friends is awesome! I hope that you continue the good friendship.
> 
> In the meantime, I hope that you find someone special to be your partner too (because that seems to be what you want). Cheers!


Thank you for the post  I'm thinking of ending the friendship TBH, There's just no point, all it seems this Girl wants to do is talk endlessly online. I asked her if she would like to hangout with a few of us this weeked or next weekend, and her answer was so vague and pathetic. 
I'm not in the mood to talk to someone everyday online, what pisses me off is that she talks to me randomly online all the frigging time, and we've had all summer since May to hangout, and she's put if off. 
However when I forget about hanging out, she drops hints here and there in the conversations, yet when I ask, it's always some BS excuse. 
I'm not going to talk to her anymore.


----------



## StampedeTheVash (Nov 21, 2008)

I feel like this girl is really unhealthy for you man. I understand that there's probably some excitement with having her in your life as you have feelings for her, but ultimately you know there is a very low likelihood of being anything more than friends with her. Regardless of whether you feel like she is a good friend it seems like the relationship between you is just going to play with your emotions. That's nobody's fault at all. Reading through the thread it seems like you've been harboring on little moments from the past that seemed like signs of affection from the girl, and those seem to be torturing you by making you wonder if they ever meant anything. To be honest it did seem like she liked you to some degree, but I think you realize there's nothing you could have done differently to progress romance from there with her having a long term boyfriend, and you not wanting not to tread that path.

I think you should be cordial with the girl when she speaks to you but don't expect anything at all out of her. When she contacts you just be normal, but perhaps decline any invitation to hang out as I think it could cause you to relapse into feeling affection for her. Hopefully you can find things to keep you busy this summer and keep her off your mind. I don't know much else about how limiting your anxiety can be in your life, but hopefully you can find activities that allow you to meet other people and establish new acquaintances.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

LayneNKurt1995 said:


> Thank you for the post  I'm thinking of ending the friendship TBH, There's just no point, all it seems this Girl wants to do is talk endlessly online. I asked her if she would like to hangout with a few of us this weeked or next weekend, and her answer was so vague and pathetic.
> I'm not in the mood to talk to someone everyday online, what pisses me off is that she talks to me randomly online all the frigging time, and we've had all summer since May to hangout, and she's put if off.
> However when I forget about hanging out, she drops hints here and there in the conversations, yet when I ask, it's always some BS excuse.
> I'm not going to talk to her anymore.


Watch. There are about a million posts since this one with some other thought. Meanwhile, I am sorry that you feel strung along. Hope all turns out the way you want it to.


----------

