# my therapist disaproves of this website



## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us. 

I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.


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## ThirdEyeGrind (Feb 7, 2006)

It might be blind leading the blind but where else can you go and actually relate with people with the same exact problems???? Its good to talk with others about similar problems.


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## Broshious (Dec 23, 2006)

You could also make the case that since the therapist does not have SAD it's like a fish trying to teach a bird to fly.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

What a bunch of bull excrement. Your therapist needs to see a therapist and talk about his insecurities and superiority complex. JMO. :mum


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

He's a quack. In other words, he thinks people with this disorder should go on feeling completely alone. :mum This board is a sense of relief to new comers, I see it every day! A good place to start on the road to recovery, in my opinion.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Mngirl said:


> I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind.


Therapists only know about things that help overcome SAD from reading books. People at SAS know what works from experience.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Hmmm... I think that your therapist has a point. I was in analytically based therapy for 8 years and that was all about digging up the root causes of my issues, working through them (big time!) and her challenging my beliefs, values and perceptions and asking me a lot of very uncomfortable questions. People on this board sometimes challenge you but that's not like seeing a therapist.

But I think that your therapist has overlooked a whole big part of this board. People here help each other. I once posted a thread about my laptop having become quite slow. I got a few replies and someone was nice enough to post a step-by-step guide to disk defragmentation. Without that I probably still wouldn't know what to do :lol 

The board is also good for practicing social skills I think. 

Maybe your therapist should have another look. they probably don't know what it's like not to have anyone to ask for help/ advice or comments even on totally trivial matters.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Lisa, your broadband has kicked in huh??


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Your therapist can shove it.


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## Nutnutnut (Jun 2, 2007)

I agree, this website is not helpful, it's just whines and complaints. Funny this is, nobody even asks for help, they just whine. Ask for help people >.>


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

So what if people wanna ***** n' moan too? Makes me feel better to get my frustration out...and if there are those who think it's not helping. You know how to leave.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Razorblade Kiss said:


> So what if people wanna ***** n' moan too? Makes me feel better to get my frustration out...and if there are those who think it's not helping. You know how to leave.


Exactly, Ashley!!!

No one is forced to log on and hang out here...And I dont recall that SAS has ever presented itself to be a magical cure for SA, rather just a support forum...


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## Scattered (Feb 5, 2006)

When I come here to complain I feel immediately better. I feel as if I have made some sort of connection, no matter how small, and that there are others who understand the way that I am feeling even though I may be surrounded by people in real life who do not really understand. The problem is that complaining becomes a means of temporarily feeling ok with the way that you are, and the way that you are is usually completely unsatisfying and depressing. So the cycle repeats itself. People complain to feel better, then eventually feel worse, and come back again to complain so they can maintain some sort of status quo. The only way to not feel the way you are feeling now is to not behave the way you are behaving now. The only way to not behave the way you are behaving now is to be exposed to external opinions and conditions that lead you to some other path or way of acting.

I've seen this in plenty of other forums, and understand it because the process relives itself in me almost every day. I don't know if I have control of my actions or not. I feel that I should, and should thus take responsibility to do something other than explain the way I feel, to actually ACT and change something. Inevitably though, I get stuck in the same rut and same patterns of behavior. I would hope that people here wouldn't come to snap decisions and shoot the messenger. I would hope that they would realize that opinions that are contrary to their own _may_ hold the seed to recovery.


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

Maslow said:


> Mngirl said:
> 
> 
> > I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind.
> ...


 :ditto

The therapist is worried about his income and the competition this forum offers him.

Does your therapist have SA? No, he learn't his stuff from books which are compiled from the complaints of SA sufferers. It is called research.

While it is true, people complain about their problems on these forums, people also offer insight about the problems. I am not saying that you don't need a therapist, you do. You will recover with his help and your own research such as SAS forum. More important, you have to ACT to combat your fears. If you don't ACT both your therapist and this forum is not helping you.


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## jay_walking (Sep 20, 2007)

This website gives a sense of community which is very valuable. You find out you are not the only one facing these problems. You find out ways to deal with challenging situations. Just the act of communicating with others is valuable for those of us who don't get much interaction. It is a place you can go for support or advice when you are struggling with something. Just know that is there is helpful. You also feel some value in yourself if you are able to give advice to others. I've also met a few people from here in person and that is worth a lot to me.

There are also some valid concerns. If you need a good kick in the butt, you aren't going to get that here. You could say it makes it easier to passively accept all the crappy things going on in your life. I think that might be the area a therapist would be most concerned about. Beyond that, I find the negativity affects me and I have to be careful about which topics I read. I guess I'm also careful when I watch the evening news for the same reason.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I think your therapist doesn't approve of this site, because this site is competition for him. If you get educated about SA here (especially about alternative therapies!), then you can't depend on him to tell you everything about SA.

But I do agree with the "blind leading the blind" part. For example, if I wanted advice on how to give a presentation, I wouldn't be looking here. I'd look in a book, most likely. This site is more appropriate for venting, talking to like-minded people, and sympathizing with each other, and there's nothing wrong with that.


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## Broshious (Dec 23, 2006)

whiteclouds said:


> I think your therapist doesn't approve of this site, because this site is competition for him. If you get educated about SA here (especially about alternative therapies!), then you can't depend on him to tell you everything about SA.
> 
> But I do agree with the "blind leading the blind" part. For example, if I wanted advice on how to give a presentation, I wouldn't be looking here. I'd look in a book, most likely. This site is more appropriate for venting, talking to like-minded people, and sympathizing with each other, and there's nothing wrong with that.


Wouldn't advice on how to deal with social anxiety during a presentation coming from someone who has experienced such a thing be pretty helpful?


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

...and there are people here who can really give great advice even if they're in the same boat.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I've had way better advice from people here than I've had from anywhere else.


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## The Enigma (Oct 10, 2007)

Venting is healthy. Your doc doesn't know what he is talking about.



Lisa1975 said:


> The board is also good for practicing social skills I think.


A very positive aspect of coming to these boards.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Do some therapists read these threads? That would make me uncomfortable. I don't like people who think they're normal reading my insanity.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

whiteclouds said:


> But I do agree with the "blind leading the blind" part. For example, if I wanted advice on how to give a presentation, I wouldn't be looking here. I'd look in a book, most likely. This site is more appropriate for venting, talking to like-minded people, and sympathizing with each other, and there's nothing wrong with that.


I agree.

BTW, my therapist was fine with the idea of an SA website/community. He was more concerned with the overall internet thing in general as an escape, heh. In a way SAS isn't much different than other group based programs in the real world if you want to take it that far. Basically a group of people who suffer from similar problems talking about and sharing their experiences.I don't care how skilled a therapist is, they cannot really replace the empathy and knowledge that occurs from actually living this disorder for 10, 20, or 30 years.


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## sh0x (Oct 9, 2006)

i don't think people necessarily come here to complain about things, when they vent here, they are asking for emotional support. and that comes as people reply to their thread empathizing with them and/or providing advice. and for some people, this board is their only source of emotional support.

it is proven that emotional support in a time of need does in fact increase your chances of recovery. thats one of the ways therapy works. just having someone to talk with, to empathize with, just having a caring relationship with someone is therapeutic in of itself. and thats a fact.


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## luciano (Jun 3, 2004)

I have to wonder how familiar he is with this site. Its many different things to many people. I agree that this place is not the answer to overcoming SA. And it can be depressing, I have been absent in the past just cause I got too depressed visiting this forum. However its a place to get tips on what works and what doesn't in coping with everyday life, its a place to vent, its a place of support. The biggest thing for me is that it is a group of people who understand what I am going through. Before finding this place I thought I was the only person who had trouble with simple social interaction, but I find out their are a lot of people who can understand the effects SA has on a your life. Just knowing their are other people going through it is comforting.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I think this site can be extremely negative at times. Unless someone is really disciplined, he or she may wander into forums or discussions and feel worse for the wandering. I soemtimes go into forums I know may piss me off, in an effort to show myself that I can handle being pissed off. I know that's my choice, but I think its human nature to make crappy choices sometimes. 

I'm not saying being a member here is a crappy choice, or that visiting any particular forum is. But this thread, for example, evinces a decent amount of hostility. I know myself well enough to know that viewing hostility causes me to choose sides and to invest in one side of a debate. Sometimes that can be productive, in that I channel my feelings toward articulating an argument. Other times I just get bogged down in the negativity. It doesn't have to be, but it can be a downward spiral.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.


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## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

Things aren't so black and white in my mind. I don't think this board is either "positive" or "negative." It depends on the person cuz different people have different experiences of things. For one person, it's more negative cuz they perceive all the pain as depressing and overwhelming. For someone else, it's more positive cuz one of the hardest things for them is feeling alone in something (that's like me). I've talked about SAS to my therapist for a long time now, and she thinks it's been more of a positive for me. I've grown a lot here. I'm able to be more expressive and assertive, even if it's just online. That gives me confidense that maybe sometime I can do it in the "real" world too.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Atticus, I agree that SAS can be very negative. Some forums are depressing. I don't spend too much time on the hardcore SA related ones. I'd rather just socialize... in a weird sort of way.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I think it could be negative if you never socialize or try to make real life friends because SAS is safer. Or just using the internet way too much in general isn't the best idea if you want to get over your anxieties.

However, it is positive because we are communicating. And it is better than just playing video games or watching TV endlessly.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

LostInReverie said:


> Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.


You are no different from the rest of us. But you really shouldn't worry too much about what other people have done and just worry about how to make your own life better. :squeeze


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Classified said:


> You are no different from the rest of us.


Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.


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## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

LostInReverie said:


> This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.


That is so true. I've found no more effective way to ruin my day than reading the 'triumphs' board.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Mngirl said:


> I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.
> 
> I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.


Are you sure?
It must depend on where you are in overcoming. It would be harmful if you aren't getting anything out of it or are using it as an excuse to not improve. My doc actually likes the idea of having a site like this since it is a simulated world where we can build up our social skills without the fear of being rejected. Since we are all on the same base, we can build from there. I call it "social training wheels". We ride with the training wheels to learn how to balance. After we are confident enough to ride, we take them off. It is the same with this site.

Now given my post count :lol, it would appear that I am some kind of groupie. Well, I have taken advice but have also given advice along the way. I have learned so much from the people here and have seen people grow and become more outgoing. It is a nice thing to see .


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

LostInReverie said:


> Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.


We are just at different stages of SA. But all of us are capable of getting over it if we work at it.


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## Scattered (Feb 5, 2006)

You can't please everyone. The problem is that some people enjoy reading about misery because it confirms that they are not the only one experiencing that misery. At the same time its difficult to read anything positive because that can be seen as an affront to a negative worldview that can be quite comfortable at times. Unfortunately, as good as expressing negativity and reading about it from others can be it doesn't really help in the long run. Short term gain, long term loss. I think only very disciplined people are able to balance venting their frustrations and proactively making changes. There is a tendency to follow the path of least resistance, whether that is willed or not.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Another thing about therapists... they don't understand how much loneliness factors into the problem of SA. Most people don't understand the austere, unrelenting loneliness many of us live with.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Very true.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I can see where he's coming from.


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## Jaded_Jester (Sep 16, 2006)

I think this is a great forum, I poo-poo what your therapist says! :wife (i like this smily, reminds me of the simpsons)

It is (for me) so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who has sa. Before I accidently found this forum, I felt a lot more hopeless and that I was some kind of freak and that nobody could ever understand what I was going through. It's great having others to relate to, especially with how difficult it is for us sa'ers to reach out to people. I also found out ways to try to overcome sa, without this forum I would still be lost. 

If you think the negative posts aren't helping you, then stay on the positive forum. Sometimes it feels good to rant though


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

LostInReverie said:


> This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.


I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels worse reading those.

There are coping methods that allow me to lead a normal (albeit lonely) life, but there's no way life will ever be like that, and no amount of "it's so easy, all of you can do it too" is going to help.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

without this website i would never have known i had SA and I figured i was just a weirdo and an outkast, all alone. Now i know there is others out there like me and Ive even met a bunch and made some good friends and a gf.


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## Gena320 (Jul 1, 2007)

I wouldn't pay much attention to the therapist, if I were you Mngirl.

Someone on here said that they learn social skills on this forum, I believe it was Lisa, and I feel the same way. I use the forums to test out alot of my core beliefs, by posting stuff that I normally wouldn't say in real life just to see how people respond. I keep track of the results and have been noticing that alot of my dire predictions don't come true at all. I challenge myself on the forum socially-speaking and know that the skills that I learn here I can use in real life. 

I think the sas board is a safe place to learn, to vent, to do whatever you want. The moderators are pretty good at keeping this place clean and safe for us too, so that's another advantage.

It's nice to be able to come here and just be yourself...it's becoming more and more like a second home to me, if that makes any sense. 

If I were you, I wouldn't pay much attention to him...there's lots to do and to learn here, if you use it to your advantage.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Have any therapists ever posted on SAS? I don't care if it has been years... Has it *ever* happened before?

While I think I can actually somewhat agree with the "spirit" of what the therapist was driving at, I am in disagreement with every other aspect. Like others have said, this forum is not simply a place for people to complain to each other and strengthen each other's insecurities.

What I agree with is the idea that dramatizing our problems by blowing them out of proportion is not helpful in our recovery. This is a distortion of reality that perpetuates the irrational cycle. But to blame the forum is misguided because the forum doesn't _cause_ people to complain. If it didn't exist, the complaining would simply manifest in a different manner.

In addition, there are quite a lot of available resources available here for managing and reducing anxiety. There are quite a lot of confident/positive people here who share what they've done to improve the quality of their lives. That there are benefits to this site is undeniable, as I've improved after using many resources available here (and interacting with others).

Ask your therapist to visit the whole forum, not just one section, before drawing a sweeping conclusion about the value of this site. This is only fair, and the therapist would have to agree if he/she has any interest in making informed statements.


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## lilly (Mar 22, 2006)

I think this board is yet another form of therapy in some ways. Even a survey on social anxiety treatment included internet boards as a form of help.
Some responses on this board have offered differing opinions which can open up your mind. Often there are answers that actually help along the road to solving a problem.
I'm not saying your therapist is bad, but there are good and bad therapists just like there's good and bad random advice on a board.
Another thing is that self-expression will often be negative just to vent sometimes - if we're all pretending to be happy all the time it's just not going to ring true. It's a support board so someone says they're feeling bad then someone else will come and comfort them or offer advice - that in itself is therapeutic.


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## Lunachik (May 25, 2004)

I have to agree with tomcoldaba said about "The therapist is worried about his income and the competition this forum offers him." I think it's challenging the sense of authority that some therapists get. 

I don't see why this site is problem. It's not meant to take the place of therapy, just be an additional source of support and education. 

I spent the first 28 years of my life thinking I was the only one who had this. Finding out I'm not that I'm not the only one was a huge weight of my shoulders, and something I don't think therapy could have provided. Even though I don't post often, I found that knowing that there are people that here that can genuinely empathize, not just talk about what they've learned from books, to be enormously helpful and comforting.


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## iggypop (Apr 7, 2007)

You doctor is right in a small way. Eventually when anyone on this site starts who to work on themselves and begin to properly cope with disorder should leave this site behind. I think this site is good for a person if they are just starting out to change their life but if they are here constantly without trying to get better unfortunately i think they are just spinning their wheels in the mud (getting nowhere fast)


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Or, y'know, making friends.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

There is something to be said about having good friends in real life.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Not everyone has that option.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

If you find the right people, it is great.


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## Thunder (Nov 5, 2003)

Mngirl said:


> I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.
> 
> I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.


You'll find links to this site on many a Dr's webpage as well as in a few books.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Have you all noticed that we have a new member whose name is 'therapist'?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Lisa said:


> Have you all noticed that we have a new member whose name is 'therapist'?


Yeah, but don't expect him/her to hang around too long. "Therapist" seems to just be popping in to check out some of our shame-attacking threads (which I find very scary, yet fun). I was still surprised to see any therapists join the site, as I have never seen that happen before.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I don't think he works in mental health. I think he read this thread and presto! a name that gets you noticed :lol


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Lisa said:


> I don't think he works in mental health. I think he read this thread and presto! a name that gets you noticed :lol


He claimed he did, at least.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/for ... 59#p783359


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## TreeFrog (Oct 17, 2007)

There are way too many underlying and unknown assumptions to your therapist's way too broad and generalizing opinion/conclusion about this board's overall effect on a person- to even address. Like for one that it is mostly comprised of so called complaining and depressed ruminations.

At a risk of sounding too Zen (but that is me): There is good and bad to everything. You obviously posted this because you wanted to hear the various opinions. You have read of the (very well put)benefits and also the negative aspects. But the key is: YOUR perception. How do YOU perceive and react to this board? Do YOU think/feel it is more beneficial to you than detrimental? Your opinion can change over time as well.

It is an individual thing. You have to make that determination and not your therapist. For me this board has more benefits right now: not feeling alone in this, learning of other's experiences, learning of resources and techniques to try, etc. And voicing frustrations, esp. to others who understand what you are you going through, is necessary to human well-being. (This is such a No-Brainer to me.)

Your therapist's opinion seems to extend to an underlying conclusion about all support groups. Being that SA is such a misunderstood animal, a person may have to go through several therapists to find one that is knowledgeable and right for them. Just a thought...


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

ardrum said:


> Lisa said:
> 
> 
> > I don't think he works in mental health. I think he read this thread and presto! a name that gets you noticed :lol
> ...


I could be wrong of course.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Maybe your psychiatrist is partially right. But that doesn't change the fact that he hasn't given you any advice that would help you. If he really disapproves of this forum, ask what you should do in place of this when you are looking for support. I'll be honest, I go here because it is a compulsion of mine and I don't know what else to do. So someone simply telling me not to come to this forum is pretty unhelpful unless they want me staring at the wlals.

Obviously, your therapist cant be with you all the time. He should be more helpful. Don't be afraid to get mad at your therapist. It's good to see how he reacts, and then maybe you can get a better judge of him.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Nutnutnut said:


> I agree, this website is not helpful, it's just whines and complaints. Funny this is, nobody even asks for help, they just whine. Ask for help people >.>


Funny you should say that cause I answered a post from someone who asked for help, I tried to stay positive and offer my support but I got accused of being a therapist who is pretending to have SA, lol, I just couldn't believe that!!

Overall it's therapeutic venting out your frustration but overall I think we all have to focus on getting better and helping each other with some positive posts instead of focusing on the negative all the time. And as for the therapist saying that it's not a good idea to go on these websites, it's only natural us SA sufferers want to feel reassured that we are not the only ones going through this so in turn I think this website is OK for that reason, it reassures us that others are in the same boat as ourselves and that we are not struggling all by ourselves, I really think it is important for us to know that, cause we do feel alone with this warped SA! :yes 
I hope more of us can focus on getting better rather than staying in the pit, cause the pit is not that fun at all.


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## altrdperception (Oct 27, 2007)

I think its a case of catch 22 for some people. We come here for support and to be reminded we are not alone battling this mental setback, yet at the same time, it doesn't really help you focus on fighting it. Though, i don't know... I do think that just the mere fact that we can all relate can be therapy in itself. I think it's your choice whether you want to look at it as the blind leading the blind. It's all how you utilize the site. Don' treat it as an escape, treat it as a place to gain advice and grow. It is easy to fall into the wallow in self pity hole and bring people with you, but there are plenty of people who encourage eachother to move on.


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## sarcastic_whiteboard (Nov 14, 2007)

I actually feel better finding out about people w/ similar struggles. I know that I'm not alone w/ my problems. Not to say I'm happy other people have social anxiety, I mean I'm happy I _know_ that other people have anxiety disorders like me.

I'm not here for advice per se, I'm here for a sense of community (maybe that's not the right word). For years, I thought that I was the only person in the world with Selective Mutism - my therapist NEVER told me anyone else had it. I thought I was ALONE and a FREAK. It wasn't until I came across an online forum for sufferers of SM that I did my own research on SM and found out that I had been lied to and mistreated a great portion of my life.

And there's nothing wrong with "complaining" to one another. My sister and I do it all the time. It's cathartic and can lead to more positive thinking.

Oh, yeah, and your doc sounds like an *******.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I think this site is also beneficial for proving that there are nice people out there.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Mngirl said:


> I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.
> 
> I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.


Nonsense I've met some really great people here :spank 
And yes this site actually has helped me. Shame on your therapist. We're all here for support and support is what we get. :sas


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

The therapist is too quick to assume we are all nearly the same in our understanding of SA. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that many of us know a lot more about it (from an academic standpoint in addition to direct experience) than many therapists and counselors. 

A lot of us have actually progressed and improved, and enjoy the site because it allows us an opportunity to share advice and lend support out of sheer empathy for experiencing similar difficulties in life.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

ardrum said:


> The therapist is too quick to assume we are all nearly the same in our understanding of SA. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that many of us know a lot more about it (from an academic standpoint in addition to direct experience) than many therapists and counselors.


I agree Ardrum, no one knows better than the person who has the first hand experience of suffering from SA than the SA sufferer himself. I got annoyed once with a therapist that didn't make a big deal out of my hyperhidrosis and tried to make me feel better about it, if only she suffered with that disorder everyday of her life only then would she really know what it's really like. It's hard to cope with many ("hands on" tasks and I mean that literally) and not be effected by the discomfort associated with it, every day of your life.


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## Avocatore (Nov 8, 2007)

I think using this website as the only point of contact or the only form of help would be dangerous. 

But I can't see anything wrong with sharing positive experiences or commiserating about the bad.


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## Thunder (Nov 5, 2003)

I've learned more here from people who actually have SA than I have from 5 doctors, 4 therapists and several dozen websites combined. For example, [wiki:wwoiqtvq]SSRI discontinuation syndrome[/wiki:wwoiqtvq] was common knowledge here long before there was any kind of press about it.


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## Jenikyula (Nov 7, 2007)

ardrum said:


> I think this site is also beneficial for proving that there are nice people out there.


Yes! You prove it. ^.^


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Jenikyula said:


> ardrum said:
> 
> 
> > I think this site is also beneficial for proving that there are nice people out there.
> ...


Wow, that's such a sweet thing to say!


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## leavemealone158 (Nov 23, 2007)

I don't know about everyone else, but I have a hard time complaining to my ever so "busy" friends and my family. So what they're saying is that I should bottle up everything? and for the rest who don't have that problem, we need people who can relate to us. Every time I try to talk to my mom about my S.A.D. she says that my just a crybaby and that I just need to insert myself. If I'm any sample, then S.A.S. isn't doing anyone any harm.


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## alanh (Jan 2, 2008)

Your therapist has a point, but an important thing to remember is that your therapist is only human, and is inherently flawed like the rest of us. Overall, this site is a positive thing for people with SA. It re-affirms the fact that you're not alone and other people understand what you're going through, and can give you further insight into your disorder and how you can overcome it. Perceiving this site as solely being a negative thing seems somewhat irrational, and a product of excessive negativity in itself. You should mention that to your therapist and suggest that he/she actually read this site before judging it so harshly.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Thunder said:


> I've learned more here from people who actually have SA than I have from 5 doctors, 4 therapists and several dozen websites combined. For example, [wiki:1gfcwp03]SSRI discontinuation syndrome[/wiki:1gfcwp03] was common knowledge here long before there was any kind of press about it.


About SSRI discontinuation syndrome, my doctor didn't even explain that to me at all, it sounds abit scary.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I think that the guy made a mistake and saw only one possibility.

for instance, there are other possibilities, like drowning in a sea of loneliness and despair, when getting some form of support and sense of empathy can really help you when things are rough.

I think that like most things, it's not cut and dry as to what's going to be helpful and what's going to drag you down.
And generally, I think to some degree people are good at judging what's good for them at the time -maybe not to a perfect degree, but I still think that people can figure out what is best for them to a certain extent.


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## redkit (Mar 14, 2006)

therapists are true idiots.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Thunder said:


> I've learned more here from people who actually have SA than I have from 5 doctors, 4 therapists and several dozen websites combined. For example, [wiki:3fxi4yjl]SSRI discontinuation syndrome[/wiki:3fxi4yjl] was common knowledge here long before there was any kind of press about it.


Hear Hear!!

I have gotten little to no help (even perhaps "negative help") from the total of 4 therapists whom I've seen. Some I only saw a few times, but even then they would waste the precious time that was available asking me totally irrelevant questions or just contributing nothing at all (pity I can't say the same). The last one got all interested in the sexual insecurities I had when I was younger, and totally forgot about what I was actually seeing him about. But overall: *they don't in fact know much*. And I get more from people who actually have personal experience with (social) anxiety, including my self. I also have gotten much more from reading books on Buddhism.


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## irishgirl (Dec 12, 2007)

If this website makes you feel better than it doesn't matter what he says, he's not you... Do what makes you feel good!!!!


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

In some ways I agree with both sides. 5 or so years ago it only made me worse being on boards like this and I quit. I noticed it having some negative impact on me again. You can get too stuck on having someone to complain to and having all your problems just be part of the group and normal to the point you lose some of your drive to improve. It was a debate I had to go through when deciding whether to try SAS again. For some people such forums may actually be a bad idea. 

However there are at least as many if not more benefits than there are negatives. Many would never have known there was help out there if it wasn't for sites like this. Many would give up if they didn't have people encouraging them. There's also the fact that online interaction can really help with social skills and in some cases provide enough interaction to keep someone stable when they otherwise would have ended up extremely depressed from being alone all the time. There are also some people who have made great progress in their SA but still hang out to give advice to others so not everyone is blind. 

It's not really black and white. For some people this could be the best thing that happened to them and for others it can get them stuck in an even worse place. It's something you have to decide for yourself though and not listen to someone who's never been there.


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## FillyPhile (Nov 28, 2007)

I have absolutely no confidence in therapists. Most of the improvements I have made have been as a result of my own insight.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

I think it's OK if you don't dwell on all the negatives on here but focus on giving each other encouragement to improve and giving each other ideas on new techniques and ways to improve. But if you are just going to use it as a frustration tool and nothing else and you don't plan on improving then it's going to do nothing else but make you worse, I think that's what Ive come to learn to this day. I mean I just tried Karaoke for the first time ever in my life and having all that positive feedback on my thread about it made me feel encouraged, so much so that I feel I need to do it again and we are planning to do karaoke again.
:yes :yes

Oh and BTW I didn't realise I posted on this thread a few times before, lol.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I would agree that it's not too good to come here only to focus on the negatives. One caveat is that people with anxiety tend to be suggestible, so the fears of other people who are similar to you, or your own fears that others also have can feed into and add to your own fears and your own feelings about those fears, making things worse, and worried. and you can actually become MORE anxious, and start to be afraid of things you never were afraid of before, due to just reading about, dwelling on it, absorbing it in a way (think of how horror films can affect you and 'make' you afraid even though they're not real or it doesn't really happen and also little urban myths that just stay in your head). Another thing is that since it's over the internet, you can interpret a lot of things negatively, maybe even more negatively than the person intended, so in my experience, you could start to think more negative because of your reaction to something that wasn't really meant to be taken seriously.. This is just my opinion...


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## InOttawa (Jan 14, 2008)

I think this website is good. It will help people realize they are not alone and a freak with their problems. You can find out about therapies that have worked. You can find out about drugs that can help, drug interactions, positive stories. Also, some psychiatrists dont understand doses, or know of all side effects of meds. I only discovered from forums that Paxil can cause weight gain and also make people crave alcohol. I also didnt know many SSRIs can stop working after some years. I didnt know that if you stop then start again the same SSRI is may not work for you again, and this is what has happened to me thanks to an idiot GP who said paxil was making my gums bleed when it was gingivitis which was cleared up by another GP with a simple course of antibiotics.
But I think trying to be positive, and posting positive ideas and stories is best.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I think this site is great if you don't spend too much time posting topics in frustration. Although it can feel nice to get things off your chest sometimes. I'm trying to stay mostly on the goal setting, Triumphs Over Social Anxiety, and positive thinking boards.


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## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

I agree with the whole "It's good to know we're not alone" thing.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

SAS is a double-edged sword. There's potential for addiction. Additionally, the existence of SAS removes some of the impetus to socialize, perhaps making me less willing to go out into the real world and make connections.

That being said, SAS has helped me enormously since I joined some 16 months ago. Having people I could talk with, relate to, and trust has gotten me through some very hard times. I've also been able to express myself here. Without SAS I would have ended up desperately lonely and probably even more misanthropic than I am now.


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## LarryM (Jan 15, 2008)

Im new to this forum but I feel ok talking about my troubles here. Being able to open up at all to anyone ever.... its a start and I dont see it as a bad thing.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I never thought I'd agree with your therapist, buuuuuuuuuuuuuut...telling ourselves sad stories over and over is not productive. Hopefully if you do visit this site you have other outlets to try expose yourself to happy stories and make some happy stories of your own.


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## LarryM (Jan 15, 2008)

I talked to my therapist about this web site and even logged on for her. She liked it. She felt that as long as it's moderated for peeps with S.I. on the mind (and it is), its a great site.


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## krasiegirl (Nov 21, 2006)

I have to say I agree with your therapist because I find I just get carried away with all these posting that I waste too much of my time reading and answering them when I feel like I could be doing something more productive (whatever it may be)

I find that you can find youself stuck in a rut if all you do is complain about it day and night and use this as a back up to keep you in that rut as everyone here will confirm your feelings of rejectoin and fear. I have to admit though it is a good place to come just to complain and get whatever off your chest, seeing that its hard for people like us to open up to anyone as we feel so different and are afraid of what people will think of us and feel like they can't realate to us. So in that case its good but for me I find I can get myself in a worse rut by staying there and not doing anything. I think "social phobics" have to learn to challenge their fears or face their fears in order to get over them. Take me for example. I feel like its hard for me to face reality. I live in a bubble. I fee like l have to put on a show in front of everybody so that I wont look wiered and so I can feel liked by others. However, by not really asserting myself and being me it keeps me safe, but it also keeps me stuck there as a "people pleaser" or a "social phobic" because I'm too afraid of rejection from people that I feel I have to put on an act just for people to like me. I think this is sad and works against me because I can't be real and open with anyone lest they find out who I am and not like me. But I guess it goes to show better they not like me for who I am than to like me for whom I not. I'm sure there will always be people who will like you for who you are and those who wont. You just have to weed those ones out and find the ones that will so you can have an open and real relationship. 

I read in this book called "The feeling good handbook" about this guy named Jed who had social anxiety. His biggest fear was letting people know how neverous he felt when he was around others and the therapists advice for Jed was exactly that. For him to open up to others and let them know that he felt anxious and nervous around them and let them know he had social anxiety. Jed's thoughts were to this was "no way jose" . He felt that people would think he's wieried for saying that and think that he's a real wimp. Well I can totally understand Jeds feelings as most people who feel socially anxious dont want people to know that. I guess the therapists advice was to tell Jed to disclose how he felt to people instead of trying to hide it so that people could understand him better and I guess to stop Jed from trying to be this cool , confident person who is cool with the ladies, in other words a "false self" while really hes a shy, timid person. I agree to a certain extent with this. No one wants to feel and look like a stupid timid fool around others but maybe if you let people know that you are extremely anxious and afraid it may tear down some walls and maybe they will be more understading towards you. I dont know I've never tried this. I definitely do believe that we all want to be this cool confident person around people so I guess we have to work on it by dispelling all the negative thoughts about ourselves especailly in social situations. I guess we just have to work on it harder than others. Forexample I'm guessing that most people have more social encountrs with others so they probably feel most socially adequate compared to people with SAD who keep themselves away from others. Therefore we keep ourselves stuck there and don't venture out with social opportunities because of these fears, therefore have less friends and less expericence socially.

I think I would have to challenge my fears and thinking by just doing the things I fear. Forexample I'm petrified to ask a guy out that I think is hot because of rejection and the fact that I feel so weak and inferior to others, especially to some hot looking guy. So maybe if I just let myself be me and go up to him and maybe strike up a conversation and see where it goes, it might break me out of that fear. He could be a jerk and ignore me or something or maybe he would talk to me .( geese just knowing how scared and insecure I feel around others would totally scare me way) Now I now that thats an extreme case cus I think most people are afraid to go up to a stranger they think is hot and just strike up a converstaion as it is nerve wracking. No one wants to put there self out there to get rejected or anything but the up side if you do it is that you can say you did it. I just know its harder for people like us cus we are so self consious. You have nothing to lose whether he likes you or not. Atleast you tried even it even if he rejects you. Just try not to take it personal or anything and be able to walk away a move on whether or not they reject you. You never know you might hit gold and find that he is in to you.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I didn't read all the pages, but does your therapist realize that there are people on this forum that have actually gotten over SA almost completly, and can give advice on their experiences on it? Or how about people who been through similar experiences that you have and can tell you advice on how to deal with it? Not everyone comes hear to just vent and tell everyone how horrible their life is.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

shyvr6 said:


> I didn't read all the pages, but does your therapist realize that there are people on this forum that have actually gotten over SA almost completly, and can give advice on their experiences on it? Or how about people who been through similar experiences that you have and can tell you advice on how to deal with it? Not everyone comes hear to just vent and tell everyone how horrible their life is.


Exactly.


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

ardrum said:


> shyvr6 said:
> 
> 
> > I didn't read all the pages, but does your therapist realize that there are people on this forum that have actually gotten over SA almost completly, and can give advice on their experiences on it? Or how about people who been through similar experiences that you have and can tell you advice on how to deal with it? Not everyone comes hear to just vent and tell everyone how horrible their life is.
> ...


 :ditto

I bought and read an excellent book "Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia" by Ronald Rapee. As the book states, just reading it wont help me. I must do the practices. I know about this book from this site. Ross recommended it.


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## Michael Scofield (Feb 29, 2008)

The whole "I'm not alone" factor can only last so long. In the end, it's all just online and an illusion. I think this place has high potential to drag one down and shouldn't be relied on especially if you're depressed. 

This forum doesn't have much of an impact on me even with the advice given to each other. It doesn't really motivate or support me either. It is good to know there are SA'ers around and the people here are nice. I can rely on this place as another board to kill time when I need to. That's about it.


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## ojedamariela (Apr 7, 2008)

"This website gives a sense of community which is very valuable"
"I find the negativity affects me and I have to be careful about which topics I read"
Absolutely agree


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## ruinthps (Aug 15, 2007)

I find that posting things to make people feel better and helping them out makes me feel good about myself that even though I have social anxiety I can do things to help others get over it. It also gives people a chance to find new ways of treatment, gives support and lets people vent. It provides a community of people who understand and care. It can make people sad but if used correctly this site is very important and helpful to many people.


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