# Constant Exposure Method



## cr17 (Jan 17, 2008)

There seems to be a belief by some that exposures will reduce social anxiety? Is this actually true? For example, if I can manage to constantly embarrass myself for three weeks, will that cure social anxiety? What do you think?

If so, what are good ways to keep that up?


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## R4ph4el (Sep 20, 2005)

I don't think it's a good idea to just plunge yourself with social exposure. A good mindset is the first step. Otherwise you may end up thinking you're totaly hopeless because things didn't go as you hoped they would go. Yeah_yeah_yeah has some nice posts about CBT. Look into that, he also covers exposure (the behavior-part of cbt).


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## cr17 (Jan 17, 2008)

I don't know if this is going to work, but I seem to be trying it. I don't really want to go into details of how, but I now feel the anxiety all day. It made me feel more alive or something. I've set myself in a situation where I have to stick with it, so I'll see what happens.

As far as the mindset thing, what does that mean? What do I need to do?


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## R4ph4el (Sep 20, 2005)

What I meant was that if you go out now all the time and keep thinking "I messed up, I looked like a fool, I'm worthless", it wont bring you succes. But if you go out and you think things like "Ok, I was nervous, but perhaps it wasn't so obvious to other people. My performance may not have been so good but that doesn't make me a worthless person", then you'll be headed for succes.
Embarrassing yourself for three weeks will propably leave you more depressed. Why don't you replace "embarrassing yourself" with "doing things that scare you". 
Then again, I never tried embarrassing myself delibrately.


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## phate (Apr 9, 2008)

Look into shame attacking exercises


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## julie cooper (Jul 3, 2008)

cr17 said:


> There seems to be a belief by some that exposures will reduce social anxiety? Is this actually true? For example, if I can manage to constantly embarrass myself for three weeks, will that cure social anxiety? What do you think?
> 
> If so, what are good ways to keep that up?


the fact is that u cant cure social anxiety without exposure but that doesnt mean that u shud just go and throw urself into it. u must work on ur thoughts - change ur expectations, change wot u focus on during the exposure, change ur beleifs etc... and u must take it step by step, build urself up to harder things.

just going out and embarassing urself wont work unless u change ur thoughts too . and just going out all guns blazing can do more harm than good cos if u go to far an emmbarassing experience can really knock ur confidence


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## cr17 (Jan 17, 2008)

OK, I tried what I suppose you could term a "Shame Attacking Exercise", and it worked pretty well. I don't really want go into the details on here. However, I think the important thing is to do it a way where you can't just back out or apologize. For example, if you do something embarrassing in public, and then run away in disgrace, I don't think that works very well. Additionally, if you embarrass yourself in front of someone you know, and then apologize and shirk off in embarrassment, that doesn't really work either. 

The point is to be shameless, follow through, and not shirk from the consequences. You may be wondering how this is possible. I think you need to try to setup situations so they will meet the criteria of 1) Involves someone you at least somewhat know 2) Irreversible. Furthermore, it may take many attempts for success, and your failures will make you feel worse. Although, if you keep trying you can eventually succeed.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

it didnt work for me at all. I paid a guy to come with me and push me into doing it. We did it for 4 hours, and I did many things that done before, like asking strangers to marry me

but at the end of the day i justed wanted to go home and never speak to anyone again!

but i didnt, i forced myself to go for another 4 hours, and it was just as painful, never got any easier and by the end i felt the same, just wanted to get away from everyone.

so i did it one more time and felt the same way again.

that was about 2 weeks ago, and now im not approaching anyone or doing anything embarrassing. Its just as hard as it always was! 

so now i will go for cbt. I need to enjoy talking to people, not just be able to do it


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## cr17 (Jan 17, 2008)

~AJ~ said:


> it didnt work for me at all. I paid a guy to come with me and push me into doing it. We did it for 4 hours, and I did many things that done before, like asking strangers to marry me
> 
> but at the end of the day i justed wanted to go home and never speak to anyone again!
> 
> ...


Where did you find someone to pay to force you talk to people? One thing you could try to do would to be reframe all your thoughts into a positive light. However, I think doing things as one-offs doesn't work. You can also try deep breathing, or breathing all way out until you cough, and then breathing in.

I think a better approach would be to ask strangers if they will do something embarassing with or without you, or promise them you will do something embarrassing. For example, if you meet some stranger, ask them if they want to go streaking with you, and then set up a time for them to come over to your place in a week to work out the details. Calling them to cancel will likely cause anxiety. However, doing absolutely nothing for a week will also cause anxiety. You will likely do nothing, but still feel anxious. When it is over, you can feel relived, and other things will probably feel less extreme by comparison.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

cr17 said:


> ~AJ~ said:
> 
> 
> > it didnt work for me at all. I paid a guy to come with me and push me into doing it. We did it for 4 hours, and I did many things that done before, like asking strangers to marry me
> ...


theres some guys in england who i paid to do that for me. their whole business is helping shy guys like that. I can give you their website if ya want.

maybe your idea would work, ive never tried streaking, haha. I tried becoming a salesman and have been doing that since november. the thing i learned from all my exposure is that it helps you become more able to do things, but it didnt make me enjoy doing them.
reframing all your thoughts into a positive light while doing it is a good idea. i was trying to do that, but i couldnt. I think being able to do that successfully is what really makes you keep doing things instead of just becoming overwhelmed and never wanting to do it again


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## Batman2k7 (Jul 13, 2008)

Take baby steps and you will know whent he time is right. You might want to start having conversations with strangers through telephone chat lines and see that build up your confidence, it did for me.


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

I think that it can start with desensitization in the mind as well, because there are certain situations that just thinking about made me anxious and after over and over again thinking, I get used to it. It's just a different thing actually facing it.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I think it's best to start small. Rate things on the embarrassment list from 1-10. Start at 1, and push yourself to go up slowly.


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## Jonn (Sep 13, 2008)

What I have learned is that exposure therapy wont work until you learn what your suppose to do in that situation. For example, I slowly began to develop a fear of driving to work so if just exposing myself to the fear works, how come I became worse when I did it for 12 years straight? What I have learned through CBT since is that you have to "allow" those feelings to be there without "reacting" to them in order for exposure therapy to work. Since learning that, I then re-exposed myself continually to that situation and over time I no longer had issues driving to work..


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## IllusionalFate (Sep 10, 2008)

What you guys describe is exactly what's happening to me regarding the exposure method. I constantly stay inside hoping I can build up the courage to go out and apply for a job or sign up for some college classes and then force myself to go, but I then realize it's pointless. As evidenced by my past attempts at this, all that would happen is I would start sweating, shaking in fear, and then repeatedly fail at every social situation presented to me. I could force myself to stay there no matter how much I make a fool of myself but I KNOW it would be pointless because the failure of being able to handle myself in the situation would cause even more anxiety, resulting in an exponential cycle of increased anxiety-> increased failure.

The skepticism I have of CBT lies in the fact that I can't change what I believe, or fool myself into interpreting something else than what I see happen in front of me. How can you just change your views on something by applying a new thought pattern? For me, I find it hard to believe that anything could exceed the feeling of "I know I don't have the necessary skills to handle this scenario competently."


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## Jonn (Sep 13, 2008)

IllusionalFate said:


> The skepticism I have of CBT lies in the fact that I can't change what I believe, or fool myself into interpreting something else than what I see happen in front of me. How can you just change your views on something by applying a new thought pattern? For me, I find it hard to believe that anything could exceed the feeling of "I know I don't have the necessary skills to handle this scenario competently."


Thats not really the type of CBT I was reffering too, however there are many other forms out there that use the thought switching method and I agree, they are really hard. The type of CBT I am reffering to is by Dr. Claire Weekes and she teaches you to let those feelings happen, without fighting them. I cant explain it all in one post but it basically boils down to "allowing" the feeling to happen, without "reacting" to them. Once you learn to do that, you then prove your fears & thoughts wrong. Right now your thoughts believe there is a fear and that is what fuels it and keeps it alive.

Jonn


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## R4ph4el (Sep 20, 2005)

IllusionalFate said:


> What you guys describe is exactly what's happening to me regarding the exposure method. I constantly stay inside hoping I can build up the courage to go out and apply for a job or sign up for some college classes and then force myself to go, but I then realize it's pointless. As evidenced by my past attempts at this, all that would happen is I would start sweating, shaking in fear, and then repeatedly fail at every social situation presented to me. I could force myself to stay there no matter how much I make a fool of myself but I KNOW it would be pointless because the failure of being able to handle myself in the situation would cause even more anxiety, resulting in an exponential cycle of increased anxiety-> increased failure.
> 
> The skepticism I have of CBT lies in the fact that I can't change what I believe, or fool myself into interpreting something else than what I see happen in front of me. How can you just change your views on something by applying a new thought pattern? For me, I find it hard to believe that anything could exceed the feeling of "I know I don't have the necessary skills to handle this scenario competently."


CBT is not about fooling yourself. It's all about thinking things through.
You could say: "I really made a fool of myself in that conversation, i was a nervous wreck and they all saw it and thought badly of me. I'm so worthless."
But if you think it through: "Maybe I said some foolish things, but that doesn't make me a fool. I may have been very nervous and they may have noticed but maybe not as bad as I think. And what if they noticed? The worst thing that could happen is that they don't like me very much and I'll have to move on. The best thing that could happen is that they don't really mind and they don't think badly about me, and afterall it's that kind of people I'm looking for to be with.
It's not because I did a bad job handling this situation that I'm worthless."
You see, you don't have to lie to yourself, just be open to other alternatives. You should really give it a try.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

exposure helped me personally not care so much what other people think of me


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