# I feel guilty for finding younger men attractive



## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I'm a 25 year old woman and I feel weird/awkward if I think any guy under 21 is good looking. I just found out that Austin Mahone is only 19 and now I feel really creepy that I was thinking he was extremely attractive when he was barely 18. 

Why do I have to be so predisposed to think youth is off limits and taboo...as a woman, statistically and just factually I can't even physically harm anyone as bad as a man can. 

There's an unimaginable amount of porn that features barely legal 18 year old girls doing many things beyond just looking pretty?? And not even porn. There are plenty of movies and TV shows that show a girl who is barely old enough to legally date as an adult, and she's exposed to a man in his late 30s or 40s as if that's okay? It's not! She's still as much as a child as she was when she was 16 or 17, that's really not okay. 


I feel like a filthy piece of s**t if I see a boy who's not at least 20 and think "oh, he's nice..."


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Its not a big deal, if they are 18 its fair game. Its legal so whats the problem. I'm 24 and I find high school girls attractive but wouldn't have sex with a girl if she wasn't at least 18. Your 25 liking someone who is 19 or 18 is pretty normal.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I've liked 14 year olds. It's all good. Don't let anyone tell you there's somethign wrong with it. You like who you like. It's not like can control who you are attracted to.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I tend to skew older in what I find attractive in men, but I don't think there's anything wrong with skewing younger. It's safe to say that feeling guilty about it is nothing but cultural conditioning.

When I was in hs, one of my best friends, who was 18, was dating a man in his 50s. She was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a "vulnerable child". She initiated the relationship, dominated it, and ended it when she got tired of it. If anyone in that relationship was in a position of vulnerability it was him. Psychological maturity is infinitely more important than biological age.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Ideology can't reform biology. Age taboo is something society made up.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Don't feel guilty. Get the young stuff while you still can!


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## persona non grata (Jul 13, 2011)

I'm not sure it's helpful for me to tell you not to feel guilty, because it's not always a tap you can just turn off. But you know, don't feel guilty. This is incredibly far removed from anything worth worrying about.  They're not children, this isn't some terrible moral degeneracy on your part. It wouldn't necessarily be 'wrong' if you were in an actual relationship with a 19 year old.

But even if your feelings were unhealthy, which they're not, it still wouldn't be worth feelings guilty over. You get to decide how to react to feelings, not which feelings you experience. You might as well feel guilt over your hair color, it is how it is.

I hope you get past stressing about this, because you really shouldn't have to.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Out of curiosity, why'd you bring up physical harm? Anyway, it all seems irrational. A few years apart means nothing imo. Well, past mid-teens anyway.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

truant said:


> I tend to skew older in what I find attractive in men, but I don't think there's anything wrong with skewing younger. It's safe to say that feeling guilty about it is nothing but cultural conditioning.
> 
> When I was in hs, one of my best friends, who was 18, was dating a man in his 50s. She was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a "vulnerable child". She initiated the relationship, dominated it, and ended it when she got tired of it. If anyone in that relationship was in a position of vulnerability it was him. Psychological maturity is infinitely more important than biological age.


I tend to skew older as well...but I also think it's fine in either direction.

The mention of that relationship with such a vast age difference is interesting because a close family member of mine is in one. He is 37 and dating someone who just turned (last month) 23, so about 13.5 years. She is very much dominating the relationship and it's nearly impossible to have a conversation with this guy anymore because he cannot divert his attention for even five minutes. They have been dating six months and his relationship history is very limited. That is very much working against him right now, despite him being a very intelligent person. I do not believe this will end well for him (and he isn't in it for the sex, he has professed his love.:|)

Part of the equation is at what point in life the people are at. The difference between the OPs 25 years and someone who is 19 or 20 is very little, IMHO. Same stage in life pretty much with some differences but not that vast. However, in the case I mentioned above, the girl is just beginning her adulthood while the man is moving to middle age. I sincerely doubt that she will be around for too long, although what do I know, I am surprised it has lasted this long.

Basically, I don't think it's wrong for consenting adults of any age post adulthood to be attracted to each other. But whether or not it will last is another thing.


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

Do you feel your sexual interest is a bad and harmful thing that younger men need to be protected from?


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> I'm a 25 year old woman and I feel weird/awkward if I think any guy under 21 is good looking. I just found out that Austin Mahone is only 19 and now I feel really creepy that I was thinking he was extremely attractive when he was barely 18.
> 
> Why do I have to be so predisposed to think youth is off limits and taboo...as a woman, statistically and just factually I can't even physically harm anyone as bad as a man can.


 Well, if I cared, I guess I'd feel really guilty being attracted to 18 year olds. But because it's legal, I don't care. If I can't go to jail for it, I'm not going to let public opinion ruin it for me.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

WineKitty said:


> Basically, I don't think it's wrong for consenting adults of any age post adulthood to be attracted to each other. But whether or not it will last is another thing.


Yeah, I sort of feel bad for the man my friend was dating; he really just got caught up in it, but he really had no control over it.

I think a lot of people underestimate how much power a strong-willed young woman has in a relationship. It's understandable that people are skeptical about those kinds of relationships, but I'd be happy to bet that at least half of the time it's the younger partner who's calling the shots, not the older partner.

Whether or not such relationships are workable in the long run is, ofc, open to debate.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

On behalf of society as a whole, I hereby give you permission to find teen and young-adult males attractive without guilt.

I can't give you my/societies permission to _*do*_ anything you like with guys younger than 16/the legal age in your area, but I can give you permission to enjoy your own private thoughts without guilt.

Biologically we're meant to be producing children from around mid-teens onwards, so don't be so hard on yourself. It's natural and normal.

There. Sorted.


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

Mrs Salvatore said:


> Do you feel your sexual interest is a bad and harmful thing that younger men need to be protected from?


I don't know how you meant it, but I think this is the key question.

You shouldn't feel guilty for your sexual desires - they're not in your control. You should only feel concerned if you are creating a threat that other people need to be protected from. That is, if you're just attracted to young men, even if you enjoy seeking them out for sex, that's fine, have fun. If you're willing to get involved in a sexual relationship with an underage boy that's not fine, and you should take any necessary measures to avoid that.

Basically, go ahead and do whatever you want as long as you're not creating an unsafe or dangerous situation for someone else.



gopherinferno said:


> Why do I have to be so predisposed to think youth is off limits and taboo...as a woman, statistically and just factually I can't even physically harm anyone as bad as a man can.


Don't think like this. You might not be able to physically harm someone as badly, but if you take sexual advantage of a kid that's still going to harm him the same way a girl would be harmed. It's not okay.



> There's an unimaginable amount of porn that features barely legal 18 year old girls doing many things beyond just looking pretty?? And not even porn. There are plenty of movies and TV shows that show a girl who is barely old enough to legally date as an adult, and she's exposed to a man in his late 30s or 40s as if that's okay? It's not! She's still as much as a child as she was when she was 16 or 17, that's really not okay.


I don't get it. Do you think sex with young people should be taboo or not? Just remember that people become sexually active after puberty, and you can't override genetic programming to be attracted to that age. Don't feel bad for natural feelings. Just remember that today young teenagers aren't adults, so keep those feelings for anyone under 18 as just feelings.

As for "she's still as much as a child as she was when she was 16 or 17", that's not how society sees it. So she's old enough to go to war, but not to have sex? According to society you are no longer a child when you turn 18.


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## Unit731 (Mar 6, 2015)

Why don't girls like you don't see me in real life  .


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Over 18 is the way to go.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Unit731 said:


> Why don't girls like you don't see me in real life  .


 I think it's safe to say that 19 year old guys do not feel guilty for finding older women attractive. :lol


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I renounce my shame


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Over 18 is the way to go.


Meh. No guy under 18 is going to tell on you for having sex with him.


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

Imbored21 said:


> Meh. No guy under 18 is going to tell on you for having sex with him.


Clearly you don't spend very much time looking at news.

Sometimes they tell their parents, but they don't have to. Usually the kid's parent or girlfriend will look at the phone and see text messages, they'll tell their friends and it will get out, people will see you acting closely, get suspicious, and inform the authorities.

Even ignoring how it could hurt the kid, is it really worth risking possible jail time and a lifetime on the sex offender registry?


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I'm gonna go to jail just because of what you guys are gonna start discussing, I just know it.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

gopherinferno said:


> I'm a 25 year old woman and I feel weird/awkward if I think any guy under 21 is good looking. I just found out that Austin Mahone is only 19 and now I feel really creepy that I was thinking he was extremely attractive when he was barely 18.
> 
> Why do I have to be so predisposed to think youth is off limits and taboo...as a woman, statistically and just factually I can't even physically harm anyone as bad as a man can.
> 
> ...


how is it not okay if she's of legal age? what is the youngest guy or boy you found attractive either on TV or in person? do you really think it's going to be 18 every time? the truth is you don't know, your mind might say " he must be at least 18" but in reality he might really be only 16 or maybe even 15 but just looks older, have you ever thought about that? you can't do anything to really know, " excuse me, how old are you? I want to know if you're at least 18 so I can allow myself to say you're attractive" sorry, it doesn't work out this way. how do you feel if you found a guy attractive you thought was at least 18 but was really 16 or maybe even 15? how does it make you feel


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

this was such a bad idea


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

gopherinferno said:


> I'm gonna go to jail just because of what you guys are gonna start discussing, I just know it.


You're going to go to jail over a post on SAS? Really, don't worry. As long as you don't have sex with a minor you'll be fine. It's perfectly naturally to be attracted to people under 20.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

fa


gopherinferno said:


> this was such a bad idea


no its not, its just time to accept it that you are attracted to younger guys, so what? whats the big deal? it's not like they are 6 year olds, if you're attracted to 16 or 17 year olds, so what? you can't go to jail for liking teenage boys, LOL. Just like the guy above me, I am also attracted to under 20 but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to older than 20. It just means I have a big range of ages, that's all. what is minor in this country isn't minor in other countries and people from those countries move the US and still follow the laws of their home countries


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Remnant of Dawn said:


> You're going to go to jail over a post on SAS? Really, don't worry. As long as you don't have sex with a minor you'll be fine. It's perfectly naturally to be attracted to people under 20.





MobiusX said:


> no its not, its just time to accept it that you are attracted to younger guys, so what? whats the big deal? it's not like they are 6 year olds, if you're attracted to 16 or 17 year olds, so what? you can't go to jail for liking teenage boys, LOL. Just like the guy above me, I am also attracted to under 20 but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to older than 20. It just means I have a big range of ages, that's all.


Bless ya'll for being serious in this my time of distress.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

gopherinferno said:


> Bless ya'll for being serious in this my time of distress.


it took time for me to accept the same problem you describe, now I don't even fight it, I embrace it, it's who you are


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

*fans the fires*


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

gopherinferno said:


> *fans the fires*


what if the young ages you are currently attractive to will be the same ages you'll be attractive to in 10 years, what then


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

MobiusX said:


> what if the young ages you are currently attractive to will be the same ages you'll be attractive to in 10 years, what then


https://cougarlife.com/


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

MobiusX said:


> what if the young ages you are currently attractive to will be the same ages you'll be attractive to in 10 years, what then


I guess I'll just have to go to rehab.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> I guess I'll just have to go to rehab.


 I talked to a therapist about it once. I was like "Dude. I'm over 30 and I'm always checking out 20 year old girls". He was like "What do you want me to do about it? Make you younger?" I was like "No. I'm not supposed to like 20 year olds". He was like "Why? They're not attractive?" I was like "Uhhhhhh....well. They usually think I'm not attractive so looking at them and having fantasies about eating chocolate bars is probably something they'd be upset about if they knew it" He was like "Oh"

And then a 20 year old walked by and we both looked at her butt.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I talked to a therapist about it once. I was like "Dude. I'm over 30 and I'm always checking out 20 year old girls". He was like "What do you want me to do about it? Make you younger?" I was like "No. I'm not supposed to like 20 year olds". He was like "Why? They're not attractive?" I was like "Uhhhhhh....well. They usually think I'm not attractive so looking at them and having fantasies about eating chocolate bars is probably something they'd be upset about if they knew it" He was like "Oh"
> 
> And then a 20 year old walked by and we both looked at her butt.


a 20 year old female walked into your therapy session?


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

MobiusX said:


> a 20 year old female walked into your therapy session?


 Actually, it was just this dude I knew who looked like a therapist. He had a doctor looking beard and stuff.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Imbored21 said:


> Meh. No guy under 18 is going to tell on you for having sex with him.


Well, that shouldn't be the case.


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## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

Remnant of Dawn said:


> https://cougarlife.com/


There's an actual site lol


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

As long as you do not act on your thoughts then you're not creepy. I get older men trying to pick up my 17 year old sister all the time. There's even a guy in his 30s who would always try talking to her every time he sees her at church, but he's unattractive and overweight so she doesn't give him the time of day and I'm glad that she doesn't.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Farideh said:


> As long as you do not act on your thoughts then you're not creepy. I get older men trying to pick up my 17 year old sister all the time. There's even a guy in his 30s who would always try talking to her every time he sees her at church, but he's unattractive and overweight so she doesn't give him the time of day and I'm glad that she doesn't.


 You're talking about 17 though. As far as I know, that's technically against the law in many places. If she was over 18, that's completely legal just about everywhere as far as I know.

Also, you're talking about the difference between flirting and just plain harassing. Even if she was the same age as he is it would be pretty uncool of him to keep at it if she is obviously not interested.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> You're talking about 17 though. As far as I know, that's technically against the law in many places. If she was over 18, that's completely legal just about everywhere as far as I know.
> 
> Also, you're talking about the difference between flirting and just plain harassing. Even if she was the same age as he is it would be pretty uncool of him to keep at it if she is obviously not interested.


 Trust me. She is such a jerk to this guy and gives him pissed off looks all the time. She's a tough girl so I know she can take care of herself and yes she has been harassed by a few men before and sadly I wasn't there when it happened. She looks like a 15 year old so the men are being gross and of course that makes her mad.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

gopherinferno said:


> I'm gonna go to jail just because of what you guys are gonna start discussing, I just know it.


Embrace your desires, gopherinferno. Just remember to check their id first.


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

truant said:


> Embrace your desires, gopherinferno. Just remember to check their id first.


I don't think I've appreciated until right this moment how awesome of a username "gopherinferno" is.


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## LetMeThinkAboutThat (Aug 24, 2013)

there is an equation for this, divide by 2+7. it goes like this:

24 - 19
30 - 22
40 - 27
50 - 32
60 - 37

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=divide+by+2+add+7
I don't see why is shouldn't apply either way.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

gopherinferno said:


> There are plenty of movies and TV shows that show a girl who is barely old enough to legally date as an adult, and she's exposed to a man in his late 30s or 40s as if that's okay? It's not! She's still as much as a child as she was when she was 16 or 17, that's really not okay.


Umm....why not? If they are both adults and they like each other what's the problem?

You're an adult attracted to teens and you feel bad about it. How is that any different than a much older adult attracted to a 19-year-old? It's the maturity of the younger person that is in question, right?

So, if it's ok for you, a fully grown adult, to date a 19-year-old, it's ok for a 40, 50, 70 year old to do the same. If the two people like each other or want to be together that's their business as long as they're both adults.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

WineKitty said:


> She is very much dominating the relationship and it's That is very much working against him right now, despite him being a very intelligent person. I do not believe this will end well for him (and he isn't in it for the sex, he has professed his love.:|)
> B.


He isn't in it for the sex....yeah, right. Sounds like the proverbial nice guy type who wonders why he gets dumped for the bad boys. Because the bad boys make no bones about what they're in it for


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

caveman8 said:


> He isn't in it for the sex....yeah, right. Sounds like the proverbial nice guy type who wonders why he gets dumped for the bad boys. Because the bad boys make no bones about what they're in it for


LOL, I will rephrase, not _JUST_ for the sex. 

It's none of my business, of course, what this close family member does with their love life but I just cannot see how it will end well for him. I certainly haven't said anything to this person. He has said how in love he is and I will hate to see him get hurt but that is just part of life. I am only concerned because I love this family member dearly. I actually wish he was into it just for the sex because then he wouldn't end up getting hurt/as hurt.
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

There's nothing wrong with looking. I became interested in girls around 14/15 years old, so I could look at a random teenager and think for a second that they're physically pleasing to the eye. That's completely different from wanting to date one, though. I'm not a teenager anymore.

But OP, if you were weird, so were all the Twilight Moms who were pushing 50 and oogling the werewolf. Who was 16. Ripped and muscly, but still 16.

Lots of 70 year old men oogle the teenage girl in the supermarket, and lots of 70 year old women oogle the 16 year old cashier bagging their groceries.



caveman8 said:


> He isn't in it for the sex....yeah, right. Sounds like the proverbial nice guy type who wonders why he gets dumped for the bad boys. Because the bad boys make no bones about what they're in it for


If you believe that, you're saying that a 23 year old isn't mature enough to handle an adult relationship. Which is a little insulting to the 23 year old. They say most people become real adults after 23.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> There's nothing wrong with looking. I became interested in girls around 14/15 years old, so I could look at a teenager and think they're physically pleasing. That's completely different from wanting to date one, though. I'm not a teenager anymore.
> 
> If you believe that, you're saying that a 23 year old isn't mature enough to handle an adult relationship. Which is a little insulting to the 23 year old. *They say *most people become real adults after 23.


Who is they?

And I don't think that is what he was saying.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

WineKitty said:


> Who is they?
> 
> And I don't think that is what he was saying.


I read a psychology study on this that said age 23 is a jump in maturity.

I can do a search for that, if you want.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I read a psychology study on this that said age 23 is a jump in maturity.
> 
> I can do a search for that, if you want.


It depends on the demands society places on you. If you have to support yourself at 15 you're going to grow up really fast.

In American society age 23 is when people usually finish school and start supporting themselves. But someone who has been working since 16 can be just as mature by 18.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I read a psychology study on this that said age 23 is a jump in maturity.
> 
> I can do a search for that, if you want.


What does that mean anyway? A "real" adult? I know people in their 40s that I wouldn't even classify as a real adult. It seems there are too many variables to that, IMHO. You can't say 23 because some mature faster/slower than others. There just isn't any singular age for that.

Anyway, the thing is at 23 while some can get into and stay in long term relationships etc others are just finding out who they are. Of course one is an adult when they are 23--I don't think that is the issue.

In the case I presented, the 23 year old is paired with someone who is 37.5 years old. Generally, people are in very different places in life (although in the case I am thinking off maybe not as much) at those ages. It's not that one isn't an adult at 23 or capable of true relationships. The varying factor is one person is nearly 40/middle age whereas the other is just beginning their adult journey. That might be fine for _right now_ but in the long run, I seriously doubt it will be. And for my family member, the 37 year old, it will not end well but having your heart broken is part of life.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

WineKitty said:


> What does that mean anyway? A "real" adult? I know people in their 40s that I wouldn't even classify as a real adult. It seems there are too many variables to that, IMHO. You can't say 23 because some mature faster/slower than others. There just isn't any singular age for that.
> 
> Anyway, the thing is at 23 while some can get into and stay in long term relationships etc others are just finding out who they are. Of course one is an adult when they are 23--I don't think that is the issue.
> 
> In the case I presented, the 23 year old is paired with someone who is 37.5 years old. Generally, people are in very different places in life (although in the case I am thinking off maybe not as much) at those ages. It's not that one isn't an adult at 23 or capable of true relationships. The varying factor is one person is nearly 40/middle age whereas the other is just beginning their adult journey. That might be fine for _right now_ but in the long run, I seriously doubt it will be. And for my family member, the 37 year old, it will not end well but having your heart broken is part of life.


I think the general problem with the 23 year old paired with the 37.5 year old is simply that the 23 year old is too immature. I can give you a real life example of a friend of the family, who met his now wife when she was around 23 and he was pushing 40. She's my age, and they have two kids and are a happy family.

My example is different than yours, though, because his wife never manipulated him into doing anything. Sounds like the 23 year old still has some growing up to do, and the 37 year old needs to find someone else (younger or older, doesn't matter) who better fits him.

I can give you other examples of happy marriages that are 25+ years apart, and there is no manipulation or one person trying to get the other person because of sex. Whoever said that, stop subscribing to what TV and entertainment shoves down your throat.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

AngelClare said:


> It depends on the demands society places on you. If you have to support yourself at 15 you're going to grow up really fast.
> 
> In American society age 23 is when people usually finish school and start supporting themselves. But someone who has been working since 16 can be just as mature by 18.


I'm just now getting around to responding to this.

Very true. I didn't have to grow up until I was about 29, so until then I was very much a teenager trapped in a man's body.

A lot of 18 year olds are unprepared for college, as well, until later life. Life isn't a race, you have your whole life to figure it out.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I'm just now getting around to responding to this.
> 
> Very true. I didn't have to grow up until I was about 29, so until then I was very much a teenager trapped in a man's body.
> 
> A lot of 18 year olds are unprepared for college, as well, until later life. Life isn't a race, you have your whole life to figure it out.


Same here. I didn't start working until 28. Before then I was a man child.

You are forced to grow up when you have to pay rent, make car payments, get to work on time, handle romantic relationships, clean up after yourself, feed yourself etc. At first you make immature mistakes, but then you either grow up and handle your business or you have a dysfunctional immature life.

When you think about it, maturity is the point where you could raise a child properly if you had to.

Some people never mature. Some people start behaving maturely in their teens.

Today people are generally maturing much later than they used to. Now most people aren't really mature until they hit 30.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I think the general problem with the 23 year old paired with the 37.5 year old is simply that the 23 year old is too immature. I can give you a real life example of a friend of the family, who met his now wife when she was around 23 and he was pushing 40. She's my age, and they have two kids and are a happy family.
> 
> My example is different than yours, though, because his wife never manipulated him into doing anything. Sounds like the 23 year old still has some growing up to do, and the 37 year old needs to find someone else (younger or older, doesn't matter) who better fits him.
> 
> I can give you other examples of happy marriages that are 25+ years apart, and there is no manipulation or one person trying to get the other person because of sex. Whoever said that, stop subscribing to what TV and entertainment shoves down your throat.


Yeah, of course there are cases of success. But overall, 23 year old girls aren't going to stick with a guy nearing 40 for all that long. (And I am not including the cases of rich older guy with a mansion and money of course..but those cases have their own issues as well).

This girl has taken this guy from being a very intelligent, independent person to someone who acts like they are in high school. His previous commendable social graces have gone out the window. Now you can't even have a 3 minute conversation with the guy without his girl interrupting or diverting his attention. It's like SHE has to be the focus constantly and it's incredibly immature and boring.

I myself am married to someone significantly older than me. However, when we met I was a 32-year-old divorced mother of a 14-year-old so I was hardly some babe in the woods. I am certainly NOT opposed to age gaps in relationships. The relationship has to fit both people though and that is hard to do when one person has only been legally able to drink for 2 years and the other is on the threshold of middle age.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

AngelClare said:


> Same here. I didn't start working until 28. Before then I was a man child.
> 
> You are forced to grow up when you have to pay rent, make car payments, get to work on time, handle romantic relationships, clean up after yourself, feed yourself etc. At first you make immature mistakes, but then you either grow up and handle your business or you have a dysfunctional immature life.
> 
> ...


I don't mean to drive this off topic, but a lot of the immaturity happened because of the onset of social anxiety and generalized anxiety. I was 23, had just moved away from home, had my first real job, and was starting to grow up and spread my wings...and then severe panic attacks, depression, mood swings, all of that. I crawled back into the safety net of just spending money and not caring about making it, not approaching women to form a relationship, or people in general to make friends. I cut off contact to the point where I'm completely socially isolated now - my car's brakes went out yesterday, and I had to have Enterprise pick me up because I couldn't think of a single person to call.

Having all my family and friends back off and leave me alone - that hurt. But it also made me grow up, because I can't lean on other people anymore. I have to be a grown up.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

AngelClare said:


> Same here. I didn't start working until 28. Before then I was a man child.
> 
> You are forced to grow up when you have to pay rent, make car payments, get to work on time, handle romantic relationships, clean up after yourself, feed yourself etc. At first you make immature mistakes, but then you either grow up and handle your business or you have a dysfunctional immature life.
> 
> ...


I think this is very true. And esp the part of people maturing later.

I had my kid at 18 so I was married, with our own place, paying rent and bills and buying diapers while most people were starting college. I was still pretty immature though but forced to be an adult right out of high school. My own choice. But if I had to do it again I would have the same exact child just at least five years later, maybe even longer.


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## bloodymary (Apr 26, 2009)

Well I am 42 and like One Direction guys, haha. I don´t feel like a pervert though, does it mean when a person ages they must begin to find younger people ugly and unattractive? It´s not I would date them anyway (and vice versa) so what´s the problem. I think I like men of all ages, if they are good looking/attractive, or have attractive personality.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

This thread has become a monster but like a monster Hagrid would love. I am the Hagrid of this thread. Seriously misunderstood creature, this thread.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

bloodymary said:


> Well I am 42 and like One Direction guys, haha. I don´t feel like a pervert though, does it mean when a person ages they must begin to find younger people ugly and unattractive? It´s not I would date them anyway (and vice versa) so what´s the problem. I think I like men of all ages, if they are good looking/attractive, or have attractive personality.


I don't understand that, either.

Britney Spears is a year older than me, and I still see pictures of her when she was 16 in the Baby One More Time video, and think she's hot. Hotter than she is now.

Am I supposed to find 33 year old Britney more attractive than 19 year old Britney? It's like, you're older, so you can't find sexually attractive people attractive anymore?

America is weird.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

^^True Britney is 2 years older than me I thought she looked good at 16 and still think the same her body has been through tough times since


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

blue2 said:


> ^^True Britney is 2 years older than me I thought she looked good at 16 and still think the same her body has been through tough times since


It's all those drugs.

Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson still look good. Britney looks strange, though. She went through that mental breakdown, and the drug addictions.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> It's all those drugs.
> 
> Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson still look good. Britney looks strange, though. She went through that mental breakdown, and the drug addictions.


Britney looks fine as hell. Just as good as the others. People really are mean to her.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

gopherinferno said:


> Britney looks fine as hell. Just as good as the others. People really are mean to her.


It's mean to say that she had a crack addiction, which her mother, her doctor, her publicist, and everyone else has verified?

I like her music, but come on. Don't be like this guy:


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> It's mean to say that she had a crack addiction, which her mother, her doctor, her publicist, and everyone else has verified?
> 
> I like her music, but come on. Don't be like this guy:


i'll be A THOUSAND TIMES MORE DRAMATIC THAN THAT GUY!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

gopherinferno said:


> i'll be A THOUSAND TIMES MORE DRAMATIC THAN THAT GUY!


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I like her music, but come on. Don't be like this guy:


That's a girl, right? :um


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Cletis said:


> That's a girl, right? :um


No, it's a gay trans-woman named Chris Crocker, who about 8 years ago became famous on YouTube for making a video where he went mental on camera and ranted about leaving Britney Spears alone. He was a mega Britney fan who lived in his grandma's basement, was unemployed, had the wall plastered with pictures of Britney Spears, and made YouTube videos.

He/she now looks completely different. Maybe he's not transsexual, but he dresses in women's clothing. Not that I care, he's bat**** crazy and even the Britney fans hate him.


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## romeoindespair (Oct 16, 2014)

I didn't know there was a law that said I couldn't be attracted to certain people.

Just because something has a social stigma doesn't mean you can just suddenly stop feeling something natural. Just be honest to yourself and **** the rest


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

bloodymary said:


> I don´t feel like a pervert though, does it mean when a person ages they must begin to find younger people ugly and unattractive?


Yep, they expect you to stop being a man.


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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

You should never feel guilty or ashamed about who you are attracted to. It is something you can't help. I really see no issue here so I don't understand OP's concerns...


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't feel bad. Most guys find younger girls attractive.


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## HalfHare (Feb 16, 2015)

Here are some statistics for this thread that I've calculated for fun  (I'm bored lol)

Male responses: 21
Female responses: 6
Unknown gender/age responses: 1

Total responses: 28

Male ages: (1)20, (1)21, (1)22, (2)24, (1)25, (2)27, (1)29, (1)Late 20's, (1)32, (1)36, (1)39
Males with age unknown: ( 8 )

Male average age: 27.16 (Not including (1)Late 20's + ( 8 ) unknown)

Female ages: (1)23, (2)25, (1)42
Females with age unknown: (2)

Female average age: 28.75 (Not including (2) unknown)


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

chaosherz said:


> You should never feel guilty or ashamed about who you are attracted to. It is something you can't help. *I really see no issue here so I don't understand OP's concerns...*


In my experience it's seen as more socially acceptable for a man to be attracted to younger woman than for a woman to be attracted to younger men. For men it's basically normal, for women you might get labeled as a "cougar" or whatever.

I'm talking only about being attracted to and/or having sex with people above 18, though. If you start getting into statutory rape I think people go way easier on women.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

HalfHare said:


> Here are some statistics for this thread that I've calculated for fun  (I'm bored lol)
> 
> Male responses: 21
> Female responses: 6
> ...


 If you'll promise to do this for my (not yet born) thread about grilled cheese, I'll consider creating it and trying to provoke a bunch of people to post in it.


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## HalfHare (Feb 16, 2015)

WillYouStopDave said:


> If you'll promise to do this for my (not yet born) thread about grilled cheese, I'll consider creating it and trying to provoke a bunch of people to post in it.


I promise I will


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## chaosherz (May 15, 2011)

HalfHare said:


> Here are some statistics for this thread that I've calculated for fun  (I'm bored lol)...


I love statistics so thanks for doing this lol. Is there any reason why you did this for this topic? I'm surprised the average is so high actually. I get the impression the average age of the SAS poster would have been a bit lower, around 23-24...


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## HalfHare (Feb 16, 2015)

chaosherz said:


> I love statistics so thanks for doing this lol. Is there any reason why you did this for this topic? I'm surprised the average is so high actually. I get the impression the average age of the SAS poster would have been a bit lower, around 23-24...


Welcome  The reason I did that for this particular topic is because I'm friends with gopherinferno. I was bored, reading this thread that she showed me, and just randomly got the idea to do it lol, she didn't ask me.

You could be correct about the average age being lower, because the people who don't disclose their age could possibly be teens.

If you'd like statistics to be done for a thread of yours, or any other one, let me know


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

It's all rather arbitrary and stupid.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Remnant of Dawn said:


> You shouldn't feel guilty for your sexual desires - they're not in your control. You should only feel concerned if you are creating a threat that other people need to be protected from.


Pretty much this.

Young guys are physically attractive. Humans are attracted to attractive people. It's not as common for women to be attracted to younger men, but it's not as uncommon as people think. Women don't talk about it, for various reasons. I honestly think that it's becoming more common now than in the old days, because women don't have to look for a provider in a man. Physical attributes in men become more important to women as well. The stigma around it still exists, though. I consider myself pretty open-minded about these things, but I still feel guilty about being attracted to younger men quite often, on a personal level. I don't want to be "the dirty old man", in a female form, but at the same time I can't really control what I'm attracted to. It's not like I would seduce a 17-year-old because of it, so I shouldn't feel guilty about it. Men are attracted to younger women all the time, without giving it a second thought, so why should I? I still do, because I'm brainwashed by social norms, but I try to remind myself that it's not a big deal.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

HalfHare said:


> Here are some statistics for this thread that I've calculated for fun  (I'm bored lol)
> 
> Male responses: 21
> Female responses: 6
> ...


A pictograph would be quite helpful here.

Maybe next time.

:thanks


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

Has anyone here dated a younger guy and been judged for it?


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Eh

Guys find younger girls attractive so I don't see why it matters the other way round. 

Not sure where my lower age limit would be, I mean theres gonna be plenty of 17/18 year old girls I'd find attractive (doesn't mean I'd want to be in a relationship ..or do anything with them though, dunno ..) doesnt mean I can't find them attractive and the legal age here is 16 anyway..

and besides, I doubt theres many 18 year old guys who would be creeped out at a 25 year old girl finding them attractive :b

Odd how its nearly always the guy thats the older of the pair if theres quite a large difference though..


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## BIB64 (Mar 29, 2015)

I use to lean toward men that were older than I met my husband who is 6 months younger. I don't think it's that bad to think younger guys are attractive..I wonder if it's bad liking men period when I'm already married.


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