# post our recent triumphs



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

I suppose I am just writing this to talk about continued triumphs, the small and large, with hard work and support/advice from these forums.

I get so nervous talking on the phone and today was scared to call a girl I am dating. I called her I got her voicemail (I'm sure she is working now) I left her a short, confident message about why I was calling and told her to call me back. So I was really scared today due to anxiety but I bit the bullet and called her to set up a date.

I just started a new job. I think that I am doing well at it so far. Today I began to better understand my responsibilities and gained some experience, enough for my boss to tell me good job.

I am bicycling more and more often. Staying in touch with friends. I found a personal trainer to elp me learn to use kettlebells. I am able to have a good time with my co-workers. I am relearning how to be social again

What are your recent triumphs? Big or small.


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

I overcame a bit of an obstacle today. I called a lady friend yesterday and left her a message about something and asked her to call me back. I was unclear in my message on the phone (I was asking her out and mis-communicated my plans). She emailed me back telling me that she didn't want to do xyz, I wrote back to her and told her I mis-communicated on the phone and what I actually wanted to do, again asking hr to call me. I felt so insecure waiting for her call. I felt rejected because she didn't want to do something that I didn't even want to do anyways. hahaha. That's dumb and funny. She just called me back and we made a date for tomorrow. 

Today, despite my irrational fears, I held it together until I heard back from her. I didn't show any insecurity, I talked to her on the phone for about 20 minutes and kept her laughing.


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

It looks like I'm losing a good amount of weight too that I gained when I was sedentary and agoraphobic. I am back to wearing the same size that I wore 10 years ago, in my physical prime. Now I just need to keep building some muscle up and keep the weight off.


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

TAruba said:


> I overcame a bit of an obstacle today. I called a lady friend yesterday and left her a message about something and asked her to call me back. I was unclear in my message on the phone (I was asking her out and mis-communicated my plans). She emailed me back telling me that she didn't want to do xyz, I wrote back to her and told her I mis-communicated on the phone and what I actually wanted to do, again asking hr to call me. I felt so insecure waiting for her call. I felt rejected because she didn't want to do something that I didn't even want to do anyways. hahaha. That's dumb and funny. She just called me back and we made a date for tomorrow.
> 
> Today, despite my irrational fears, I held it together until I heard back from her. I didn't show any insecurity, I talked to her on the phone for about 20 minutes and kept her laughing.


Hey man, how do you make them laugh? I would appreaciate more than a vague response


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

impedido10 said:


> Hey man, how do you make them laugh? I would appreaciate more than a vague response


It is impossible for me to tell you exactly how to make your specific girl laugh in your specific situation. In humor, timing, atmosphere, surroundings, your intonation, your environment, your attitude, how you feel, etc.

Nevertheless I will help you as best I can and feel free to ask me any specific questions if you want specific answers.

I had a first date in the beginning of February. So I thought ahead, "how do I make her laugh and show her my best side?"

I began preparing and even writing down a lot of questions to ask her to keep the conversation flowing. If you can think of any activities or ideas that she enjoys, that is a great opportunity to slip in some humor.

That date, I knew she was a belly dancer and we were meeting on a sunny day in the park. As She approached I looked her in the eye and smiled, hugged her, then looked at her and said, "A, it is so great to see you but you are dressed all wrong, I thought you said we were going belly dancing?!" She laughed, smiled and we hugged again.

I'm also really good with doing different voices and talking in my own silly way. You really have to really pay attention to detail. Watch her face and body language when you are talking, ask her questions, figure out what makes her smile or giggle and keep going in that direction until you can pinpoint exactly what she finds funny and go from there.

The most important piece of advice I can give is that you need to know what makes you laugh. Make yourself laugh, always think of your surroundings, thoughts, feelings and look for humor, then nurture that into a joke that you can slip in as a conversation starter or when you two are spooning on the couch.

For example, I grew up very close to my brother and we always were making silly jokes in our bedroom, or making fun of something we saw or heard that day. For humor also, what I do is tell the woman some completely long serious sounding story, and get her into it then give her a tug on the arm and smile so she realizes I was just teasing.

If I can help you anymore, let me know. i would just like to add that half of being funny is just keeping things fun, stay on fun and positive topics, if the conversation is going downhill, think of something fun around you and use it to draw her attention back to a more "fun" energy. Then go from there.

Te other half of funny is made up of many parts. This is where the more vague platitudes come in, most importantly is to be confident, always. If you make 10 bad jokes to her and get her to laugh on number eleven, be proud of yourself that you continued to try and succeeded. Also, many women might be enjoying how you look so much that they will just laugh at any half-*** joke you make.

As you get to know the woman more, it will be much easier to keep her laughing. You'll figure out what makes her tick.


----------



## GhostlyWolf (Sep 7, 2015)

I made a new friend ^_^


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

GhostlyWolf said:


> I made a new friend ^_^


who?


----------



## GhostlyWolf (Sep 7, 2015)

A super hyper girl at my school.


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

GhostlyWolf said:


> A super hyper girl at my school.


watch out for those super hyper ones. It can be a sign that they are crazy. I learned this the hard way when I was young. Sometimes it is good to stay away, other times it is good to move forward.


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

TAruba said:


> It is impossible for me to tell you exactly how to make your specific girl laugh in your specific situation. In humor, timing, atmosphere, surroundings, your intonation, your environment, your attitude, how you feel, etc.
> 
> Nevertheless I will help you as best I can and feel free to ask me any specific questions if you want specific answers.
> 
> ...


Can you tell me what kind of questions do you ask her?


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

TAruba said:


> watch out for those super hyper ones. It can be a sign that they are crazy. I learned this the hard way when I was young. Sometimes it is good to stay away, other times it is good to move forward.


Well i talked to her, she didnt help me at all, i tried to make jokes, nothing, asked questions about a movie she said, go see the trailer lol. I guess she just didnt want to talk or smth. On the next one lol

I should have said well, if i wanted to see the trailer I wouldnt have asked you.

Its ok, i feeel more confident since i talked to a girl allclass and hold a conversation


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

impedido10 said:


> Can you tell me what kind of questions do you ask her?


Asking questions is actually very easy. Personally I prepare before a date by thinking about the woman as an individual. Always ask open ended questions because one-word answers suck. So I start thinking a list several days ahead of time of questions involving topics that she would probably like to talk about.

Do you know what she is into these days? ask her.
animal lover, "so tell me about all your animals?" then ask mores followups

Here's a list that I made about a month ago when I went on my first date in years, Now I've been on about 8 dates this month, all good.

how are you?
how have you been?
how was you day?
What did you do today?
How is your animal rescue going?
If you could be any kind of animal what would you be? (a childish question, but I knew that this inidividual woman would have fun if I asked it)
Did you or have you beend doing anything fun?
What would you like to do today?
How is the rest of your family?
So how have the last few years been?
Have you read "a game of thrones/ a song of fire and ice series"
Ask her about her recycled artwork
What kind of gardening are you getting into?
Tell me all about this tantra stuff?
where would you like to travel?

follow up...

How much time do you get to spend with the horses?
Id enjoy going riding again?
Do you want to make dinner together next week?


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

TAruba said:


> Asking questions is actually very easy. Personally I prepare before a date by thinking about the woman as an individual. Always ask open ended questions because one-word answers suck. So I start thinking a list several days ahead of time of questions involving topics that she would probably like to talk about.
> 
> Do you know what she is into these days? ask her.
> animal lover, "so tell me about all your animals?" then ask mores followups
> ...


All good, thanks for the info, it didnt go very well but i actually feel great hha


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

impedido10 said:


> All good, thanks for the info, it didnt go very well but i actually feel great hha


Right on man, Congratulations. I just had a first date in about six years last month, now we're just about going out, gotta "seal the deal." Anyways, what's most important right now is to feel good, have fun and keep practicing. Good luck dude.


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

TAruba said:


> Right on man, Congratulations. I just had a first date in about six years last month, now we're just about going out, gotta "seal the deal." Anyways, what's most important right now is to feel good, have fun and keep practicing. Good luck dude.


Tbh there is no seal deal, just have to keep her interested forever (scary thought huh ). Soo take it slow, you cant ever take it too slow with a girl, just too fast.


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

impedido10 said:


> Tbh there is no seal deal, just have to keep her interested forever (scary thought huh ). Soo take it slow, you cant ever take it too slow with a girl, just too fast.


well said. I'm content to take it slow for her. I also need to take the relationship slow, which she knows. "seal the deal" is a common and stupid phrase actually. You're right, there is no such thing. Every day is a small piece of the journey and I'm having a lot of fun taking it little by little right now.


----------



## CyclingSoPhob (Apr 8, 2008)

My recent triumph is getting an actual "girlfriend" after 45 years. She worked near me for several years and just very recently started to work with me. We found out we were pretty much made for each other and have been like kids in love for the past couple of weeks. It also showed me that when you're with the right person the physical "activities" just flow naturally with absolutely no anxiety. Unbelievable!


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

^^^Excellent to hear. I am so happy for you.^^^


----------

