# No job -> no relationship



## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

-


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

You must not watch Jerry Springer. It is kind of depressing though to think that the guests on his show can get into relationships, but I can't.

You should be able to come up with something you did. Did you take any trips? Watch any movies? Play any sports or do any hobbies? And then you could ask them what they did.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

I know plenty of people who never went to college that have gf's. Sure, they don't have loads of money but enough for a place to live, food, car and money over for some fun stuff.

Jerry Springer !? :con


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

*Re: re: No job -> no relationship*



Carbon Breather said:


> Jerry Springer !? :con


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jerry_Springer_Show

It's a TV show that has been around for years here in the US. The guests on the show are not the brightest or very attractive.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Cosmin said:


> So today I decided to go to the college I quit in winter and visit my colleagues. On the way there I was extremely anxious and I didn't think I could make it; but I did.
> In that class there's this girl that I really liked (I never told her this) and she was sitting with a friend of hers. I wanted to get her alone, but it didn't happen.
> So we started talking and they wanted to know what have I been doing these past months (actually her friend was the one doing most of the talk) and I told them the truth: I basically did nothing (I couldn't say the reason).
> And then it began: I need to go back to school, I need to find myself a job, to work hard and get a career (...) because no girl want someone who's not trying to have a fulfilling future...
> And this made me so sad and it depressed me like never before because I know that's how I'll always be. I can never be who they want me to be because of my SA... :sigh


I'm pretty much the same, minus the people asking me what I've been up to. I graduated university a year ago and haven't done anything since. I don't see myself every having a real job or a career...I'm just not the type. Of course, that makes me a weirdo in everyone else's eyes. To me, slaving at a horrid job for forty hours a week till I die is not a 'fulfilling future', as you put it.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: No job -> no relationship*



Classified said:


> Carbon Breather said:
> 
> 
> > Jerry Springer !? :con
> ...


Hehe.. I know who Jerry Springer is. The show can be pretty funny sometimes because it's so over the top. I just got confused because i thought that the original post was from a Jerry Springer show and not something he's experienced himself.... 8)


----------



## Nameless Loner (Dec 21, 2006)

Most girls want guys who are confident and this translates more to just than your personality but your career/life/social aspirations. They want to know you are someone who is going somewhere or simply just has goals. It's part of the evaluation process. Of course not every girl is like that and career and things become more important I guess if the girl is looking for serious relationship to marriage material prospects. This is the same for a lot of guys too at least for the people I know and myself. 

You are 21 bud...I don't know anybody that young who has a "career". You don't have to be a millionaire or a lawyer to bag a chick but you got to have goals. 

Good luck!


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'd be more then willing and happy to be with a guy who had no goals. I myself am one of the most unambitious people ever, so this would probably be the best match for me. Only problem is such guys don't seem to exist, and most guys with goals refuse to date someone without any or would try to change me.  Ah well, if someones gonna reject me cause of it their not worth my time anyway.


----------



## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Zephyr said:


> I'm pretty much the same, minus the people asking me what I've been up to. I graduated university a year ago and haven't done anything since. *I don't see myself every having a real job or a career...I'm just not the type*. Of course, that makes me a weirdo in everyone else's eyes. To me, slaving at a horrid job for forty hours a week till I die is not a 'fulfilling future', as you put it.


I have to ask this again, as I have heard this sentiment from Zephyr before, and do not think I ever got an answer. If you do not intend to have a real job or career, how do you plan to keep a roof over your head or put food on the table and keep the power on to keep your computer going??? While some ppl may have a "fulfilling" career or job, most ppl I have ever worked with are working to pay the bills and support themselves. How does one NOT WORK and surrvive? If you arent working SOMEONE has to be, the bills do not get paid by themselves. Either you have to have independent wealth or someone is taking care of the bills for you. Perhaps you are independently wealthy, I do not really know.

If there is some secret I am missing out on, please let me know. I would love to never work again, that sounds like a dream to me.


----------



## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I am educated, but do not see myself living a typical job for the rest of my life. I am working right now, but I'd definetly like to venture out more into business and e-commerce. I'd definetly like to spend the rest of my time doing something I am actually passionate in. "Work" doesn't feel like work when that happens.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Personally, I would have no problem dating someone who doesn't have -or has never had- a job. I understand the effects of severe social anxiety, having been there myself. There are more important things that I'm concerned about. I think some women just imagine working full-time, and coming home to a man covered in Cheeto dust asking, "When are you going to cook me dinner? Are you cleaning this house any time soon? It's not cleaning itself." If I live with someone who's unemployed, all I would ask is that he pulls his weight around the house... not a big deal. I would hope that he would care enough to clean up his messes, and not expect me to pick up after him, because it would start pissing me off after a while. I would hope the same of any partner I have, really.


----------



## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> Cosmin said:
> 
> 
> > To me, slaving at a horrid job for forty hours a week till I die is not a 'fulfilling future', as you put it.


As opposed to what? Surely you dont think living off your parents or the government is more fulfilling?


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Xplash said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Cosmin said:
> ...


I do. Probably even more forfilling though is having your "dream job".


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Xplash said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Cosmin said:
> ...


No....but it beats _working_.

To me, I don't need a job to give me an identity. A lot of people do; I confess I can't quite understand that. I have plenty of intellectual pursuits to keep me busy.


----------



## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

Drella said:


> I think some women just imagine working full-time, and coming home to a man covered in Cheeto dust asking, "When are you going to cook me dinner? Are you cleaning this house any time soon? It's not cleaning itself." If I live with someone who's unemployed, all I would ask is that he pulls his weight around the house... not a big deal. I would hope that he would care enough to clean up his messes, and not expect me to pick up after him, because it would start pissing me off after a while.


 :agree

I've been there, did that. And I had every right to be resentful. I wasn't going to be the guy's mother in addition to being his Bank of America branch. If I had to do all the cleaning and even some of the maintenance around the place, then I could live by myself without the balls and chain to waste my time and space.


----------



## RWolfe506 (Apr 20, 2007)

Zephyr said:


> Xplash said:
> 
> 
> > Zephyr said:
> ...


It's absolutely ridiculous that you're even okay with that. Yeah, it beats working, but it's absolutely reprehensible that you think making OTHER PEOPLE work to support you is a viable option.

Of course work sucks, but it shouldn't be a question of to work or not to work. Not many people like working, but most aren't so self-asborbed as to force people to support them instead. It is just wrong on the most basic of levels. Anybody with any valid "intellectual pursuits" would see this.


----------



## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Zephyr said:


> Xplash said:
> 
> 
> > Zephyr said:
> ...


Hmmm I guess my question to Zephyr is going ignored. I have heard Zephyr's comments before about shuddering at the thought of working, who would work some JOB when you could be at home pursuing "intellectual pursuits"?? From the length and detail of Zephyr's posts, I would assume he does have a lot of time on his hands. However, we dont all live off our parents. Some of us work, not to "gain an identity" but to HAVE MONEY. We work to get money. To buy our house, our car, pay electricity bills and internet bills and phone bills and to buy food and to buy our kids school clothes. I would never personally leech off my parents so I can sit around on my computer pursuing "intellectual pursuits". I would rather be a grown up making my own way. I would rather be building a nest egg for my future than living off my parents.

if you want to live off your parents that is fine but to say that others are trying to "get an identity" or are suckers for working is ridiculous. Someone has to pay the bills. You are allowing your parents to pay yours. Dont try and make it out to be any other way.


----------



## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

RWolfe506 said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Xplash said:
> ...


 :agree

but maybe if I could go to mommy and daddy for everything I wouldn't be pushing myself to work as hard as I do now. I guess its better this way. More independant.


----------



## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

this the only thing that pushes me... this is what builds that ambition inside me... to get a job where I'm successful
Through this and this is the ONLY way for me to ever get the respect and love from others. Otherwise... I'm just a failure in every aspect of life


----------



## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

I wouldn't mind working if 35 hrs/week pay is sufficient to pay bills and have a roof over my head. Right now I've been unemployed for a few months living with my parents. I've worked for about 3 years and it is extremely (spiritually) tiring for me to work 40+hrs. That is why I think there should be more 3/4 time positions available. Unfortunatley there are mostly only full-time and partime positions. It is my view that people shouldn't have to work more than 35 hrs a week.


----------



## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

testing


----------



## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

ah..i get it. part of the thread was deleted as i was reading it lol. i agree with lonelioness on the deleted bits for the record. and i don't follow zephyr's posts but i think his point on this thread was that identity and self worth shouldn't revolve around a job because not everyone is able to work and human beings are valuable independent of what they can provide in a competitive environment, in which case i agree with him as well. i also found the other side's participants, the one outspoken one in particular, to be over the top rude and offensive. 

as for myself i want to find a fulfilling future but how hard i work or how much money i have are not the primary factors by which i would measure that. i will have a job but if i didn't i wouldn't hate myself the way some on this board appear to hate certain people. i also don't think there is anything categorically wrong with living off of one's parents if they are ok with it. it's disappointing how some people cannot respect another human being unless they have proven their productivity. some people are not productive but are still good people and have a lot to offer in my opinion.


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

bent said:


> ah..i get it. part of the thread was deleted as i was reading it lol. i agree with lonelioness on the deleted bits for the record. and i don't follow zephyr's posts but i think his point on this thread was that identity and self worth shouldn't revolve around a job because not everyone is able to work and human beings are valuable independent of what they can provide in a competitive environment, in which case i agree with him as well. i also found the other side's participants, the one outspoken one in particular, to be over the top rude and offensive.
> 
> as for myself i want to find a fulfilling future but how hard i work or how much money i have are not the primary factors by which i would measure that. i will have a job but if i didn't i wouldn't hate myself the way some on this board appear to hate certain people. i also don't think there is anything categorically wrong with living off of one's parents if they are ok with it. it's disappointing how some people cannot respect another human being unless they have proven their productivity. some people are not productive but are still good people and have a lot to offer in my opinion.


Well said and thanks for the support.


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

RWolfe506 said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Xplash said:
> ...


I guess its kinda ok not to wanna work. It does suck. And the world has been ****ed up pretty bad by previous generations and governments, it wouldn't be completely unreasonable for some people to expect some kind of compensation for the ****ed-upedness of their lives.

As long as a person has goals and really tries to achieve them then I think that deserves respect. If working truthfully wouldn't get them any closer to achieving their goals then they shouldn't feel like they have to work.

Maybe I would judge people by their goals and what they are doing to achieve them. Independance is an important goal, but it doesn't really require a person to be working right at this moment - they might first try to oversome their SA? Happiness is also a good goal, maybe more important than independance.


----------



## RWolfe506 (Apr 20, 2007)

bent said:


> as for myself i want to find a fulfilling future but how hard i work or how much money i have are not the primary factors by which i would measure that. i will have a job but if i didn't i wouldn't hate myself the way some on this board appear to hate certain people. i also don't think there is anything categorically wrong with living off of one's parents if they are ok with it. it's disappointing how some people cannot respect another human being unless they have proven their productivity. some people are not productive but are still good people and have a lot to offer in my opinion.


My problems have nothing to do with productivity or even living off one's parents, and they may have been poorly explained. If your parents want to let you mooch, that's their decision. If you're going on SSI without the intention of seeking help though, that's an issue for me because you're expecting others to show up to the work that THEY hate everyday to support you. If everybody had this attitude, we'd all be dead.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

RWolfe506 said:


> that's an issue for me because you're expecting others to show up to the work that THEY hate everyday to support you. If everybody had this attitude, we'd all be dead.


If everyone (or no one) had SA many here would probably feel better about going to work. 50% of myself just wants to say **** it and take a loner minimum paying job as a paperboy or something and the other half wants to get a real job..... But if you're not a social person and can't bull**** about how great you are you will never get a career anyway....


----------



## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

If you are able to work, you should be working. Sitting at home all day is not healthy. Just because you can keep yourself busy throughout the day is no reason not to be working.


----------



## sctork (Oct 23, 2006)

I personally wouldn't consider getting into a relationship with someone who didn't have some kind of job. It doesn't have to be a career job, he doesn't have to have ambitions to be hugely successful, any crap job is better than nothing. *shrug* my sister's husband doesn't work and it upsets me to no end that she works and he doesn't. I would end up resenting someone too much if I were in that situation.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

bent said:


> ah..i get it. part of the thread was deleted as i was reading it lol. i agree with lonelioness on the deleted bits for the record. and i don't follow zephyr's posts but i think his point on this thread was that identity and self worth shouldn't revolve around a job


 :agree 
That's exactly what I'm saying.



Penny68 said:


> Hmmm I guess my question to Zephyr is going ignored. I have heard Zephyr's comments before about shuddering at the thought of working, who would work some JOB when you could be at home pursuing "intellectual pursuits"?? From the length and detail of Zephyr's posts, I would assume he does have a lot of time on his hands. However, we dont all live off our parents. Some of us work, not to "gain an identity" but to HAVE MONEY. We work to get money. To buy our house, our car, pay electricity bills and internet bills and phone bills and to buy food and to buy our kids school clothes. I would never personally leech off my parents so I can sit around on my computer pursuing "intellectual pursuits". I would rather be a grown up making my own way. I would rather be building a nest egg for my future than living off my parents.


I'm not ignoring you - I just don't have time to immediately get back to everyone who responds to me. I don't always see every post either.

Look, I know people have to work. That's unfortunate, but it's the way it is. I'll probably be joining that party soon enough, and I'm not looking forward to it. It's just that some people give me a certain attitude that I find annoying - like I'm supposed to be mega-ambitious and trying to kill myself gathering all these expensive toys like a plasma tv, swimming pool, luxury cars, kids, nice house with triple garage, dog and cat, golf clubs, satellite dish, RRSPs, investment portfolios, a partride in a pear tree, blah blah blah. They act like I'm deranged if I don't want this sh*t (btw, these are people in real life, not necessarily on this forum). What I'm saying is that we don't all need that; sometimes books and an internet connection suffice.

I think these people are upset with me because they think that I have the talent and intelligence to win for myself a good economic station in life, but I just don't have the ambition. I just don't care. I think that drives these people nuts; they see me as such a waste of terrific potential. Maybe they're right. Things that are hard for everyone else are so easy for me...and vice-versa.



Penny68 said:


> if you want to live off your parents that is fine but to say that others are trying to "get an identity" or are suckers for working is ridiculous. Someone has to pay the bills. You are allowing your parents to pay yours. Dont try and make it out to be any other way.


Yes, my parents are paying the bills. I never said it was any other way, so I'm not sure where you're going with this. What I mean with the 'identity' stuff is a response to the people who wonder why *I* don't want to work. Some people need that structure. They're typical SJ personalities I guess...into details and rules and all that jazz. I'm not. I don't like following anyone else's rules. I never have. I just don't think I'm cut out to work for other people. Maybe if I was in business for myself, I could deal with that, but I don't have much business acumen, so that's a problem.



Carbon Breather said:


> If everyone (or no one) had SA many here would probably feel better about going to work. 50% of myself just wants to say **** it and take a loner minimum paying job as a paperboy or something and the other half wants to get a real job..... But if you're not a social person and can't @#%$ about how great you are you will never get a career anyway....


Same here. I think I'd only be happy (or rather, less stressed out) if I could work at a job where I didn't have to interact with anyone. Just do some simple job and let my mind wander to more interesting things. Shelving books, delivering papers, that sort of junk.



Xplash said:


> If you are able to work, you should be working. *Sitting at home all day is not healthy*. Just because you can keep yourself busy throughout the day is no reason not to be working.


But not healthy for whom? Refer to my writing a few paragraphs up. I think some people would die without having a job to go to (for instance, I think my parents are going to have a hard time coping with retirement). With me though, it is healthy - it helps preserve my sanity. I'm trying to hang onto that for as long as I can.


----------



## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Its not healthy for anybody, especially someone with SA. I know sitting at home all day is easier, but that in no way, shape or form means its better for you. Putting yourself out there and working with the rest of society is a form of therapy, weather you want to believe it or not.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: No job -> no relationship*



Xplash said:


> Its not healthy for anybody, especially someone with SA. I know sitting at home all day is easier, but that in no way, shape or form means its better for you. Putting yourself out there and working with the rest of society is a form of therapy, weather you want to believe it or not.


There's many more than one way to put one's self 'out there' as a form of therapy. Me, I'd be happy hanging out with some friends. THAT would be my therapy. A job would get me out there, in a way, but I'm scared that the negatives (ie, the soul-destroying numbness that it would entail) would end up outweighing any positives.


----------



## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

I don't work and I feel like the lowest piece of scum on the face of the earth. I don't know why my boyfriend even bothers talking to me. I don't know why my mom won't kick me out again. The only time I've managed to work is when she kicked me out onto the streets and I slept in my car or on friends couches (when I had several friends) until I was able to get a menial, minimum wage job. 

Maybe that's what I need again. To sleep on the streets to get the motivation to be productive again.


----------



## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I dont have a job and Im in a relationship.


----------



## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

i have no problem paying taxes that are used to fund social assistance programs. i don't agree that people on social assistance are somehow scamming the rest of us. i don't know of any social assistance scheme in any part of the world that allows people to unjustifiably choose not to work. try applying for it. it's not like they hand it out. some people just have a hate on for those who don't work because they were raised to think that people can only be valued and respected (including themselves, which may explain some of the emotion) if they are productive. i hope i never need to be on social assistance but in the meantime like i said, i gladly pay taxes that contribute to those funds. especially since i never know when i might have to be on it. i also feel good about my tax dollars going toward alleviating the pain of people who have their lives compromised due to mental illness, whether they want to work or not. especially if i knew that forcing them to take demeaning and often abusive jobs would make them suffer more and would not even make a small dent in the overall amount of taxes that i pay.


----------



## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

bent said:


> try applying for it. it's not like they hand it out. some people just have a hate on for those who don't work because they were raised to think that people can only be valued and respected (including themselves, which may explain some of the emotion) if they are productive.


Americans have a guilt complex towards themselves/others in terms of work. It's puritanistic. There is something wrong with you if you don't work a full-time job and/or get any money from the government. Darn socialism bringin' me down!


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

bent said:


> i have no problem paying taxes that are used to fund social assistance programs. i don't agree that people on social assistance are somehow scamming the rest of us. i don't know of any social assistance scheme in any part of the world that allows people to unjustifiably choose not to work. try applying for it. it's not like they hand it out. some people just have a hate on for those who don't work because they were raised to think that people can only be valued and respected (including themselves, which may explain some of the emotion) if they are productive. i hope i never need to be on social assistance but in the meantime like i said, i gladly pay taxes that contribute to those funds. especially since i never know when i might have to be on it. i also feel good about my tax dollars going toward alleviating the pain of people who have their lives compromised due to mental illness, whether they want to work or not. especially if i knew that forcing them to take demeaning and often abusive jobs would make them suffer more and would not even make a small dent in the overall amount of taxes that i pay.


the media and the way we sheep to it. we see a few people on the news who are scamming the system (i.e. pregnant women having multiple kids to stay on welfare) and automatically anyone who gets money from the government is scamming the system. its the american way of thought 

just like every middle eatern is a terrorist and every quiet person is a psycho. its all true- just turn on the daily newscast


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I'd probably feel guilty if I were on social assistance or welfare or whatever you want to call it. I can actually work if I have to. It's not fun, but I can physically do it. Since I'm currently basically mooching off my parents though, I don't have much guilt. It's only my folks who're picking up the tab, no one else. I try and kick in some money here and there for things. Stuff that I want (like clothes, music, etc.) I have to buy myself. I know this can't go on forever, but like I said I don't know if I could psychologically handle a full time 'by the numbers' job indefinitely. It's like I have the wayward personality of an artist or musician, just without the requisite talent. It's a bad combination.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I have a good job and am not in a relationship.

A single man is NOT half of a person - that mentality is for the birds, media or no media :yes.


----------



## heckyll (Mar 27, 2006)

BeNice said:


> Americans have a guilt complex towards themselves/others in terms of work. It's puritanistic. There is something wrong with you if you don't work a full-time job and/or get any money from the government. Darn socialism bringin' me down!


Much kudos to this statement.

I don't work, and am voluntarily homeless. Being unemployed doesn't bar you from relationships; that's more of a personality issue (which all of us afflicted with SA have), although you may have to look into more "counter-culture" types of social circles if you want to more easily find females perfectly cool about not working.


----------



## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

I don't go to school and don't have a job so meeting people is difficult. the few places i do go i don't stay long so it's not like Id meet anyone there. And even is someone were to approach me, I'd try to discourage them or something. I'd tell them "you wouldn't like me" or something. i don't want someone to just accept me as i am, because i hate my current situation. it's like this constant ambivalence when it comes to being in a relationship- yes i want to, but then it's like no way, no no please just go away. i think that's my life in general yes i want to, but then after thinking about it- it's a no no please just go away feeling- which really sucks.


----------



## odun (Nov 9, 2003)

here's to intellectual pursuits! :drunk 

seriously.

the bashing of the unemployed in america is senseless. the vast majority of the unemployed arent that way by choice. ridiculing these people is just a bunch of working class hubris.


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

"Sure, I could fight traffic all day and go to a job I hate...or *choke*...I could sleep until noon, and then get up and learn to play the sitar." - Bill Hicks (genius)


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

*Re: re: No job -> no relationship*



Nae said:


> "Sure, I could fight traffic all day and go to a job I hate...or *choke*...I could sleep until noon, and then get up and learn to play the sitar." - Bill Hicks (genius)


I want to stay unemployed and play the theremin all day. It would be twice as alluring if I could also grow a moustache and crochet my own sandals.


----------

