# I cant look at people in the eyes



## TmastermanT (Apr 8, 2012)

Its hard for me to look at people in the eyes even if its my own family members. I just cant look them in the eyes and when i try to I just get a panic attack for trying so hard to do so. When I walk past a stranger outside its hard for me to look at the person and I'm always thinking that the person is thinking I'm weird or scared for doing that. Am I scared?


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

Just look into one eye. If looking into peoples' eyes bothers you, then look at their nose, eyebrows, lips, etc.

I usually just look at a persons lips, or just gaze without looking at any specific feature.


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## borntosuffer (Feb 7, 2009)

flapjacker said:


> Just look into one eye. If looking into peoples' eyes bothers you, then look at their nose, eyebrows, lips, etc.
> 
> I usually just look at a persons lips, or just gaze without looking at any specific feature.


thats not gona help him. I had that problem too. If you start worrying about where to look and **** and not paying attention to what theyre saying its only gona get worse. 
Medication helps alot. Like right now when i talk to people i cudnt tell you where i look cuz i dont know, i just listen to them. It just comes so naturally i never even think about it.


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## TmastermanT (Apr 8, 2012)

Yeah its wierd. When im talking to someone I usually just talk to them sideways :/. Its not just their eyes, its the whole looking at the face. But mainly eye communication. Had this problem since forever, especially during school presentations :/.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

I'm the same. On the street (when I have to get out) I miss people I know all the time. This is because I never look at people. I just kept explaining that it was just me thinking and not paying attention so that people don't think I'm ignoring them on purpose. That work actually. So people who I know just call my name and tap me on the shoulder.

It doesn't help though that when I do see somebody I know, I avoid them rather than talk. Unless they are my true friends. Not that I don't like those people who I avoid. I feel ashamed with my situation in life being well technacally a loser if you would ask 'the society'. (In case you are thinking I am exaggerating: no job, no money, no prospective at a _good _job/carrier. Haven't been educated well. Never had a romantic relationship.)


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## pancake111 (Sep 3, 2011)

I can't look at people in the eye either. I've been getting better at it, but I can't make eye contact for very long.


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## kooshi (Jan 10, 2011)

when u are looking into ppls eyes also focus on the the thoughts that u arr thinking as well. Try to change them into somehing else more positive. I still have difficulty lookig into ppls eyes but now it is gettingbetter for me. Looking inyo ppls eyes shows u have confidence. Do not stare for a realylong time but enough to showthe person how confident of a person u arr


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

The point is not to worry about where to look.. If looking into peoples eyes bothers you then just pick another spot, like their lips. It's less distracting.



borntosuffer said:


> thats not gona help him. I had that problem too. If you start worrying about where to look and **** and not paying attention to what theyre saying its only gona get worse.
> Medication helps alot. Like right now when i talk to people i cudnt tell you where i look cuz i dont know, i just listen to them. It just comes so naturally i never even think about it.


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## EscapeReality (May 19, 2010)

Just imagine those eyes you're gazing/staring/looking upon are just your own reflection viewing oneself. Like you're your own soul staring at yourself in another body.


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## ToucanSam (Mar 22, 2012)

TmastermanT said:


> Its hard for me to look at people in the eyes even if its my own family members. Am I scared?


Perhaps scared of being judged?? I know that's what makes eye contact difficult for me.

Getting lost in the conversation is the only thing that cures the problem for me. As soon as I start thinking about eye contact, I lose it.



flapjacker said:


> Just look into one eye.


I do that sometimes - and sometimes the other person becomes aware that I'm staring at one of their eyes, and then they get uncomfortable. Or, they stare back at one of my eyes, and I imagine that they think I'm weird.


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

TmastermanT said:


> Yeah its wierd. When im talking to someone I usually just talk to them sideways :/. Its not just their eyes, its the whole looking at the face. But mainly eye communication. Had this problem since forever, especially during school presentations :/.


Ironically I have an easier time of this during presentations. That is, when I'm not alone in presenting. I can't get up in front of a crowd by myself to save my life. LOL


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## PaysageDHiver (Jun 18, 2011)

flapjacker said:


> The point is not to worry about where to look.. If looking into peoples eyes bothers you then just pick another spot, like their lips. It's less distracting.


Don't do the lips, unless you want to make out with them.


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## VintageClothes (Mar 12, 2012)

I have the same problem; once when I was 7 I heard that "the eyes are the window to the soul" and haven't been able to look someone in the eyes since (it makes me feel all anxious and uncomfortable)...
I'm a tad OCD... I think your best bet would to be, much like *flapjacker *said, to look at just below or just above their eyes (I tried looking at the nose/ mouth/ forehead, but everyone kept asking if they had something wrong with that spot)


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## Glosoli (May 16, 2011)

I'm the same way, even with family. Eyes are so powerful.

I get paniced and anxious in seconds when I do as well. What is the cure?


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## Zaiaku (Nov 21, 2009)

Eye contact is one of the strongest ways of connecting two beings. It shows that the people involved are mutually acknowledging one another on a social basis, and for that reason it's that much harder for people with SA to look people straight in the eyes. I find I can't even look people in the face anymore or even at their bodies (unless I let my mind drift elsewhere, but that compromises attention). I can't look at my pets in the eyes either, but I think that's because I read once that staring a cat straight in the eyes is a threat in cat lingo.

I try to force myself in small increments to improve by starting with facing their body and gradually progressing to above their shoulders. If all goes well I'll try the eyes. This doesn't all have to be in one sitting. It can be as slow as you need it to be.


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## LordScott (Apr 9, 2012)

Mee too.. i dont like looking into peoples eyes, i just cant do it


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## SapphireMeadow (Feb 8, 2011)

I can look but it's weird... I worry about looking at them too long or not long enough and then it makes me extremely nervous and I can't look anymore. Thankfully my family is use to it and don't expect me to look at them when we talk but I still worry about being in public and having to look at people. The only thing that has helped me so far is having something else to look at like a cell phone, magazine, or signs/posters near by. It gives you an excuse not to look at the person as much as you normally would. Just throw in a few glances so they don't think you are being rude and your set


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## crystaltears (Mar 10, 2011)

PaysageDHiver said:


> Don't do the lips, unless you want to make out with them.


:lol


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I used to have a problem with this, but it's ok now, looking people in the eyes actually makes me feel more comfortable with that person now for some reason.


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## Wrong Galaxy (Aug 13, 2010)

Yep! I have a hard time looking at other people's eye when talking, even to my younger sister, older sister, and to my older brother. I usually stare/focus at blank spaces and people would look at the blank space I'm looking at and look at me with a confused "wtf you staring/looking at?" face. They find me weird I rarely even look at people's face when they're trying to start a small talk. SA sucks.


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## ChumpDa (Apr 19, 2012)

What I do to overcome this, is unfocus my eyes, so that everything is a bit blurry, then they think that I'm maintaining eye contact when I'm not even really looking at them.


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## dk321 (Mar 11, 2012)

I used to have this problem.
I forced myself to look into peoples eyes when I'm talking to them and no I have next to no trouble with it.


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## TediousMind (Apr 4, 2012)

I know what you mean. I always feel like it's the most difficult to look at people who are especially the kind of people I want to get along with the most. Have you ever felt that way? I've been trying to look people in the eye more often these days because I know I can't look at people just as much as you can't, so I definitely know how you feel.


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## nofear111 (Jun 27, 2013)

*I can help, i cured myself from this!!!!*

Hi there, I too had this problem, of not being able to look at people in the eyes, for ten years and then I found a way to cure myself. I have created a blog, which many people with the same problem have benefited from, it is nofear.me.uk. Let me know how you get on using my method. Cheers, you can beat this! Ben.


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## nofear111 (Jun 27, 2013)

Obviously copy and paste nofear.me.uk into your address bar. Cheers.


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## Goopus (Apr 11, 2011)

I can't do it either. My friend taught me how to look at people's forehead right between their eyes, has the same effect and fools people.


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## Dave UK (Nov 11, 2011)

I can't look into peoples eyes either, it gives me such a weird feeling I end up having to stare at the floor or on an object while talking which probably looks weird.


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## anesthesia (Jun 27, 2013)

i have the opposite problem. i tend to stare and i dont know when the acceptable time to look away would be and i know it makes them feel awkward


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

I can relate. I absolutely hate eye contact. It really sucks because some people would think im lying when I don't make eye contact


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## like2workalone (Jun 27, 2013)

I have been like that since I was like 17 years old. It gets worse every year, sometimes I have my ups and downs with it, more downs than ups though. I try to practice,lots of times it doesnt work, I dont know. I worked at a gas station for almost 2 years I hated it. Well when I was in active addiction nothing bothered me when I was high on pain pills. But when I got clean things changed. I became, shaky, nervous, I would always have to be moving in a conversation, I would feel insecure when everycustomer came to the counter, I felt judged, even when little 4 and 5 year olds would stare at me it would make me uncomfortable, I felt like everyone could see right through me, and they could see the fear in my eyes. Eventually It became the same way with co-workers, and thats whe I walked out, and was jobless with no way to pay rent, my life was unmanagble, but It happened many times before that. Thats probably the only part ive grown in istoday no matter how much of a nervous breakdown i get into at the job I put my 2 weeks notice in at my last 2 jobs. Looking in the eyes is tough.


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## JNM (Jun 29, 2013)

I can't either. I always end up looking around and checking my watch or a clock which sometimes makes people think I'm mad at them or stuck up. I Hate this disorder so much


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## dragonface (Jun 30, 2013)

me too I have the same problem. I guess it would help if a person closes there eyes for a minute or two and then reopen them and feel refresh. I can't focus on anything I'm always thinking.


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