# Office hours dundundun: how to stop sa/beating self up?



## febweb (Dec 1, 2016)

(it’s long, skim at will, tldr’s below) Hi  um I floated around the forums a little and was in that should I post something, should I not back and forth thing xD but today's been a day of Just Do Its so I figured maybe I’d ask this question? I know it’s been asked kinda before but I was just wondering if anyone had advice/know-how or similar situations, I’m sorry that it has been asked before or if there’s a blatantly obvious answer to it. Any response is really appreciated

I just sort of came out of office hours which yikes never been before, but I always really wanted to go. I forced myself to this time because I figured I never would if I didn’t now lol. The professor was really nice and objectively it was fine. But walking out and especially during I get that same hyperventilating thought of “God I’m so dumb, I can’t settle my thoughts right, look they're trying to understand what I’m saying and help and I can’t even relax and talk”. I start getting thoughts of running away like “Good god they’re going to hate me now, why didn’t I just stay unknown, I’d be neutrally thought of —now they think I’m an idiot or worse…. unfriendly or mad at them :/ I get really embarrassed over social propriety. If I maybe sat down before I should have, didn’t hold the door open enough, I had to actually knock and intrude on someone else yikes. It’s sort of the overly self-aware thing? And it’s sort of… I get scared of the silence. Of someone listening and I feel like I’m holding the floor which makes me really nervous but also sort of ashamed (as if I’m just wasting time, rambling, scared I’m giving off a Jerk vibe). I’m thinking too much about paving the way to mutual understanding for the topic that I cause misunderstandings -_- and then can’t fix them because I’m nervous anyway

:/ Like… the rational part of me is like “oh mah gawd shut up it’s fine” and then the other side just crashes into a tree

TLDR-- Socially anxious in office hours, beating yourself up about it after: how to stop this or not hate myself for it? I’m literally going to be going over it all night (the old picking myself apart thing) and feel awkward going into lecture tomorrow -_- It seems like a lot of people develop cool friendships with their profs. I just want to be able to ask a question I care about without getting a migraine afterward LOL


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## Nyla (Oct 9, 2016)

I think you just get used to the whole environment after a few times. But don't worry, I'm like this too, lol. I always have to prepare myself with what I'll probably do otherwise I freak out on the spot and sometimes come off as kind of snobby. XD Maybe you could try jotting down any questions you have from the lecture and then taking them with you to office hours just so you know what you're going to ask/contribute.


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