# Body Dysmorphic Disorder Discussion



## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Does anyone else suffer from BDD? This is something I've been suffering with for a while now and I'd like to start a discussion here on it. How severe would you say your BDD is on a 1 to 10 scale, 10 being the worst. I would say I'm at 8 or 9. Prob 9. Does your BDD negatively impact your life? Mine makes me very uncomfortable in social situations (probably one of the root causes of my SA) and it makes it hard to work in an office setting and just hang out or go out to places to do errands etc. I'm always thinking about my appearance and how others perceive me. What is the focal point of your BDD? For me it's everything- its how young I look (30 and I look about 17), my facial structure, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my being skinny, my general awkwardness and about a million other things that really bother me. Does anyone take any meds for their BDD or have they taken meds for another disorder but it's helped their BDD? Here is a link to the wikipedia on BDD: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

I had problems with anorexia in the past. I've gotten much better in the last year and a half or so. I definitely would probably only put myself at a 3 now. I still think my thighs are really fat. I'm quite happy about my stomach, arms, waist, calves, and a few other things. I also think my nose is too wide and wish my head was a little smaller.
Otherwise, I've gotten much better lately...


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I often feel gigantic even though people tell me I'm not. Rationally, I know I'm not a giant--I'm 5'6 and I weigh about 115 pounds. I can't fully convince myself of that, however.

I'm obsessed with the condition of my skin. I've been told that I have mild rosacea and mild acne, but it doesn't look that way to me. 

My face--eyes, nose, chin, forehead, the whole thing basically--really bothers me too. I'm always trying to analyze it and figure out exactly what's wrong about it.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

I've never been diagnosed, but I identify with a lot of the symptoms of BDD. I hate the way I look and am never satisfied with my appearance no matter what I do. Every time I go out in public, I feel like people are looking at me like I'm a freak. It's definitely a big factor in my SA.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I Have BDD, which is a likely result of the terrible acne I had in my early teens. I can't take any praise nowadays 100% seriously because of it. Oh and Pita, I have rosacea too; it's defintely not a great thing to have if anyone is wondering. :b


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## Ununderstood (Jun 8, 2005)

I definitely have BDD, but in my case what traumatizes me is actually true. I do actually have a big head, my head IS mostly flat at the back, and my eyes ARE too far apart. I am a freakin alien. I think if my head was not so big I would definitely function better in society. I feel like a one of a kind freak show.


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## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Pretty sure I do, but never brought it up with anyone before. Being on Klonopin definately seemed to make me care less about how I look.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I'm probably around 9. My bdd is extremely severe, at least as crippling as my SA. It affects me to a very extreme point every single day. :sigh My focal point is my body. I am just way too skinny, especially around my waist, and I'm tall as well, so I feel like I look deformed. I also feel self-conscious over my hair and face. I've never taken medication or gotten treatment for this.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Miss Meggie said:


> I had problems with anorexia in the past. I've gotten much better in the last year and a half or so. I definitely would probably only put myself at a 3 now. I still think my thighs are really fat. I'm quite happy about my stomach, arms, waist, calves, and a few other things. I also think my nose is too wide and wish my head was a little smaller.
> Otherwise, I've gotten much better lately...


Have you done anything to get better, like meds or therapy? If not, how do you think you got to where you are now where you feel better about yourself?


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

pita said:


> I often feel gigantic even though people tell me I'm not. Rationally, I know I'm not a giant--I'm 5'6 and I weigh about 115 pounds. I can't fully convince myself of that, however.


I feel kinda similar in the opposite way. I always feel miniscule. And I know I'm a small guy, but I'm within the average size of American males. I'm 5'9 and 160 and have some muscle, but I feel so ridiculously small. It's not like i'm a midget or something- but I can't help but feel so small compared to everyone else. And I keep thinking that there are shows on TV with dwarfs (like the Roloffs on TV) and they are totally fine with themselves so what the hell is wrong with me that I can't stop obsessing over it?



> My face--eyes, nose, chin, forehead, the whole thing basically--really bothers me too. I'm always trying to analyze it and figure out exactly what's wrong about it.


I do this too. It's like I know its all wrong but I can't figure out exactly why, it's just wrong.


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

dax said:


> Have you done anything to get better, like meds or therapy? If not, how do you think you got to where you are now where you feel better about yourself?


I haven't taken medicine or really been in therapy (until the last few weeks). I think I've started to feel better, quite honestly, because of my boyfriend. He has really helped me put my appearance in perspective and just has helped a lot. Unfortunately, I can't give any advice or therapy tips. I'm sorry! If I think of anything *I* might have done that helped, I'll let you know.


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## myhalo123 (Nov 18, 2009)

I feel I have this or I thought I did. I even did a lot of research, my problem is the things I think about myself are all true and not irrational. 

From what I have read you have to be someone who others find attractive, but you just don't see it. I've had a couple people who thought I was "cute". Which can mean anything! But I am not attractive in the least, that is obvious. I get the message. Got it society, loud and clear!


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Ununderstood said:


> I definitely have BDD, but in my case what traumatizes me is actually true. I do actually have a big head, my head IS mostly flat at the back, and my eyes ARE too far apart. I am a freakin alien. I think if my head was not so big I would definitely function better in society. I feel like a one of a kind freak show.


I feel the same way about a lot of my defects- like its not the BDD but that they ARE real and DO make me less of a person somehow. But I also feel like, there are a lot of people with way worse physical problems (paralyzed people, etc) and a lot of them are ok with themselves and positive. So there is a psychological component to it that can be overcome.


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## Sabriella (Nov 23, 2009)

I've never seen anyone about whether or not I have BDD. But I think I might have it a bit, although I don't know if I'm just being self-conscious about things like my skin etc. Because there are other times when I feel like I look quite nice, then I'll see my reflection in a shop window or something and quickly change my mind.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

layitontheline said:


> I'm probably around 9. My bdd is extremely severe, at least as crippling as my SA. It affects me to a very extreme point every single day. :sigh My focal point is my body. I am just way too skinny, especially around my waist, and I'm tall as well, so I feel like I look deformed. I also feel self-conscious over my hair and face. I've never taken medication or gotten treatment for this.


Do you think your BDD contributes to your SA? Or is even a root factor? So do work or are you in school? Does your BDD make this harder? Blah, I'm sorry you have to go through this- that you rate it a 9. I feel like a 9 too. I know what you have to go through every day.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

myhalo123 said:


> I feel I have this or I thought I did. I even did a lot of research, my problem is the things I think about myself are all true and not irrational.
> 
> From what I have read you have to be someone who others find attractive, but you just don't see it. I've had a couple people who thought I was "cute". Which can mean anything! But I am not attractive in the least, that is obvious. I get the message. Got it society, loud and clear!


I think with BDD it applies to anyone, no matter how society sees them (attractive or not)- it's an obsession or excessive preoccupation with the defect, whether real or imagined. Some people may be unattractive, but they cope with it fine or don't think about it much at all while someone else can be extremly attractive but be obsessed with ever little flaw. I think it's a matter of psychological perception.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

dax said:


> Do you think your BDD contributes to your SA? Or is even a root factor? So do work or are you in school? Does your BDD make this harder? Blah, I'm sorry you have to go through this- that you rate it a 9. I feel like a 9 too. I know what you have to go through every day.


It definitely contributes. On the very rare days when I don't feel monstrous, I am much more confident and willing to put myself out there. I can look at people in the eyes more, I will feel better about getting up in front of the class to get things (most days I am really self-conscious since I figure they are all looking at how skinny I am), I am more confident when I talk, etc. My bdd screws everything up. I've been meaning to go to the store, but I don't even get to the point where I get anxious about going because I feel too ugly to even try to go. I do have a part-time job and go to school, but it's just a silly job so it doesn't matter that I look like crap. I'm very worried about starting a career soon and how this will get in the way.

It's nice to know someone else knows what it's like, even though it really sucks to go through this.


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## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

I'd put my BDD at about a 7 or 8. It's really frustrating! I'd rather not get into specifics, but basically the end result is that I go about my day feeling like a repulsive beast. I have a number of little routines that I like to go through before going out for the day, and I do a fair amount of checking throughout the day. For me the BDD sort of works in tandem with my SA and my OCD to create a lovely trifecta of difficult-to-leave-the-house-ness.

Does anyone else have little BDD rituals? I spend quite a lot of time messing with my hair (although a lot less than I used to!), and am really particular about putting together outfits. I tend to avoid mirrors, but I can get stuck checking myself in one for 10+ minutes at a time if I don't watch it.


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

papaSmurf said:


> Does anyone else have little BDD rituals? I spend quite a lot of time messing with my hair (although a lot less than I used to!), and am really particular about putting together outfits. I tend to avoid mirrors, but I can get stuck checking myself in one for 10+ minutes at a time if I don't watch it.


I make sure my hair is just right, make sure my outfit looks good and doesn't make my body look too bad. Although I don't wear a lot of makeup, I try to make sure that my face looks as good as I can. I feel like if I can make myself look as good as I feel is possible, maybe other people won't notice my defects as much and might not think negative things about me.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I rate mine at a 7-8 or so...... I won't leave the house if I feel there is a minor imperfection. I was picked on for my clothes as a kid and it's left me scared of what to wear i'm always just trying to blend in as to not get un wanted attention.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

i used to be a 8-9 but now i think i'm more of a 6-7. simply because i'm not fasting or over-exercising any more. i still have quite a few issues with my body and i have to check them in the mirror or use the scale to make sure that i haven't suddenly become fat.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I have this problem. I have a compulsion to look at the particular part in the mirror whenever I pass one.


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

malone said:


> My BDD used to be really bad. I was convinced that I was fat. I couldn't even sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night and the first thing I would do was squeeze my hips and stomach & just cry. It was so bad that I ended up with EDNOS. I was 53kg initially and ended up losing 10kg but I could never see that I had lost weight.


Same thing. I have always thought I was fat. I stopped eating and exercised for hours at a time. At the age of 18, I weighed 74 pounds.
I went into therapy and by my 20th birthday, I was back to 105 pounds. (Still not a lot, but I'm also only just over 5 feet...)
In the last year and a half or so, since I've been with my boyfriend, I've started to feel much better about my weight/size. He makes me feel beautiful.
I still have parts of my body I'm insecure about, like my thighs, hips, and "love handles" (which my boyfriend and best friend say are non-existant), for example.



malone said:


> I'm really self-conscious about my nose. I think its a really ugly jew nose. It doesn't look so bad when I'm facing forwards, but I'm really uncomfortable about people looking at my profile so I avoid it whenever I can. I've actually been looking into getting a nosejob over the summer.


I really don't like my profile. My bother, who has the same nose as me, calls it a lightbulb nose. I guess I look all right from the front.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

I had it pretty bad as a teenager, even thought that's when I was my most outgoing. Funny, eh.

I think just getting older has helped the most. Each year that passes I become a little more comfortable with myself.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

I'd say my BDD is about an 8. I'm usually worried that I'm unattractive and that people judge me because of it.


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## brokenlight (Mar 10, 2004)

dax said:


> What is the focal point of your BDD? For me it's everything- its *how young I look* (30 and I look about 17), *my facial structure, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my being skinny, my general awkwardness* and about a million other things that really bother me. Does anyone take any meds for their BDD or have they taken meds for another disorder but it's helped their BDD? Here is a link to the wikipedia on BDD: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder


I highlighted the things you have issues with because they are same as me. Sometimes I am happy I look a little younger than I am though, because now I find I am starting to worry that I will be looking old soon.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I am constantly overly concious of my appearance, even though on paper i am quite good looking, 6ft 2" 175lbs, green eyes, dark hair, tanned. I feel that the negative energy i give off alters peoples perceptions of me into the negative image that i have of myself. I am very aware that my face isn't symmetrical and this is a big part of why i am like this. When i see myself writing this can see how irrational it is but it doesn't make it any less of a problem. My CBT should be starting soon and I really hope that my therapist can steer me in the right direction.
I'd say on a bad day my BDD is about a 9. I am constantly looking in the mirror for reassurance. Escaping into my own reflection has become a solace for me. I need help


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## RaarTim (Sep 30, 2012)

*my boyriend rated me 8 out of 10*

I know this is going to sound stupid but my boyfriend rated me 8 out of 10 and im incredibly upset, I have had issues with the way i look for as long as i can remember but was diagnosed about 3 years ago and he knows about all of it. I think of him as 10/10 and now feel completely paranoid that hes ashamed of me and thinks im ugly. I cant stop crying and just wish he would take it back and say i was 10/10 but he wont and even if he did i know he would be lying and now im convinced hes lying about me being an 8, its all gone **** up basically. I know ill never be megan fox (who he says is a 10) but its feels like if my boyfriend, the one person in the world who is supposed to think im a 10 doesn't then god forbid what i must really be. Then i have the dysmorphia talking and i think all that bs like if im not a 10 then whats the point in living if your below a 10 your worthless which i know isn't true but its just hard to come to terms with your own unattractiveness, i feel so bad for him as well because its not his fault its all me and how insane i am.
Has anyone been in the same position? Anyone have any advice? Thanks for reading..


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## Ruined (Feb 16, 2014)

*Someone to be my friend?*

I recently got told by my psychologist I have BDD. I refuse to believe it. Although she explained the causes and symptoms of the disorder and I agree I have symptoms. The one thing that means that I don't have this is this quote: "based on false or exaggerated beliefs". My behaviours and anxiety about how I look is not due to false or exaggerated beliefs it is REALITY. I am ugly, I am deformed and I am abnormal. It is a indisputable objective fact. Over my past few years I've started to come to terms with the fact I will never find love, I will never be able to partake in certain activities or experiences. I feel it is unfair but that's life. It wouldn't be fair for the rest if society for my to not care about how I look and do something like go swimming I would scare people and possibly even damage them. I used to try hard to make myself look better by wearing makeup and doing my hair. But I realised very quickly that there is no point because I will always be ugly. I do however make an effort to cover my body for the sake of everyone else. I can hide that part of myself. My only possible options is plastic surgery but I have no money I gave most of it away to a partner I had who was addicted to drugs. I've done some bad things for my plastic surgery fund. It's horrible because I have fallen in love with people. And sometimes I forgot how I look and I think I have a chance so I flirt and I let my guard down and I always end up used, manipulated and heartbroken. I've even been in abusive relationships because I convince myself I'm USING them. They're the fool for going out with me because I'm so ugly, and if they want to treat me like dirt it's ok because I deserve it anyway. I do look back on my relationships and feel bad though, I manipulated people who clearly have mental health issues into being with me just because I am lonely and want to be loved. It makes me feel selfish because for anyone to be interested in me they must be delusional and sick and I have taken advantage of vulnerable people for my own needs and that is evil. I focus so hard in trying to be more than my looks by doing different activities and trying hard at my education. But even then I get depressed and anxious over being a failure. I'm not smart and I'm not going to achieve too grades at college. That doesn't sound catastrophic but in context for me it is because I don't have the looks to make up for my lack of ability. The same goes for being talented. I'm ok but not good enough. I used to be religious but I lost faith in god. Who would make such a monster? I have a complicated family situation and I've always relied heavily of friends for feeling cared for or supported. But overtime I've become insignificant to my friends. They don't text me back and if they do it takes a couple of days. They don't invite me out and when I make plans they're busy or pull out last minute. It's funny because I can see them on social networking sites talking to others whilst my texts go unanswered and they manage to factor for everyone else in their busy schedules but me. Me and my friends haven't argued or fallen out I've just simply not important anymore. The very few friends I have had made new stronger friendships. I've tried to make new friends but it's not working and I've tried confronting my friends but they say it's fine. Ive become a person I don't want to be.

I really just want a friend. Anyone. I am extremely lonely and I don't think I can live like this anymore.


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## mishima (Feb 3, 2014)

I've had low self-steem for a long time but only last year I developed a really unhealthy relationship with my body through BDD because of a severe depressive episode I had that isolated me and made me see myself through a much darker perspective. Now I feel better when it comes to the depression and my BDD improved a lot too, but I'm still triggered by certain topics. On a scale from 1 to 10, at the beginning I'd probably be an 8 and right now a 4. It still affects me in a lot of ways but every now and then I manage to not even care about beauty. The focal point is everything too lol The insecurity goes from one spot to another in a split of second and nowadays the only things that still make me a bit uncomfortable/paranoid are my lips, eyebrows, hands/wrists, cheekbones and teeth. My body in general is also an insecurity but I don't think that would be classified as BDD. And last but not least, no meds.


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## Quatermass (Oct 6, 2013)

I hate to admit this... but I have some traits of BDD too. I've always been insecure about my looks, but things got really bad just a couple of years ago. I went through a really difficult time with a female friend, at work and in life in general. Basically, I had a major crisis, and in the process I started obsessing about my looks, in particular my face. It's reasonably under control at the moment. But from time to time, I start obsessing about something in my face, and I get urges to go and check it in the mirror. I don't think it's enough for a diagnosis, but it's definitly a factor that affects my confidence and my mood. 

Like I needed something more to be anxious and depressed about...:roll


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Ive went through this for a long time, I'm very self conscious of the way I look and having comments made about it. It isn't nice.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

In case anybody is interested, there is a free 'do-it-yourself' CBT workbook for overcoming BDD here:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=55

*"Overcoming Body Dysmorphia:* This information package is designed to provide you with some information about body dysmorphic disorder - how it develops, how it is maintained and how to address this problem. It is organised into modules that are designed to be worked through in sequence. We recommend that you complete one module before moving onto the next. Each module contains information, worksheets, and suggested exercises or activities."


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I'm not sure how to know if I have this issue or if I'm just healthily unhappy with my body(without seeing a therapist that is). I feel like the things I don't like about myself and am afraid to show or leave uncovered are things that are objectively bad.


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## ThisIsRandom (Feb 6, 2014)

It's one of the things i have actually not been diagnosed as probably because i tend to gloss over the subject. But i must say its a leading cause to why i am as fearful of social situations. 

I am totally aware i am projecting my own thoughts about myself as thought they are others opinions of me. I don't want to get on the bus cause i think those people in the front will see me the same way they see a 600lb person we all know the stares given to them. I am fearful someone will see my teeth and make fun or focus on the gap i have. Will see my skin color and then what im wearing and think something negative based on the stereotypes i hear and often believe. 

At the same time im also able to know more likely than not people on that bus are not even paying attention to me and i have to constantly fight a battle of the narcissistic part of my brain and the depressive anti-social part.

Until i/you learn to accept who you are and know that you are more than the negative flaws moving forward will get easier. As i say that to myself all the time i am never able to listen to my own words.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I've been accused of having it, but I know I don't. Just really un satisfied with the way that I look. I know I'd technically be underweight, but I'd love to lose 10 lbs of fat. I'd gain it all back in muscle if I could.
The struggle.


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## quicksanddolly (Sep 28, 2014)

Its getting worse and worse as the years go on and what scares the hell out of me is I'll look in the mirror one day and find wrinkles on top of already crippling flaws i can hardly conceal in the mirror. When I think back to elementary school I think of spending all my time with my arms crossed... the prettiest girl in my grade, my age approached me in the girls bathroom where we would all take turns going to avoid boring class time came up to me and asked me why i cross my arms and wear hoodies all the time and told me I shouldn't because I always looked mad and unapproachable. i still remember that to this day. Truth was I was actually really sad. I just explained that I was ashamed of my body fat and it hurt to suck in my stomach all the time. It was easier just to cross my arms. Its so painful typing this even because it occurs even to this day. Im a skin picker, I pick my skin, my face, the insides of my mouth all because I think Im fat and that all of this is going to make me appear more beautiful once it heals and it never does. People tell me Im skinny. I can't come to terms with that though because I know theres still a lot of room for improvement and that people still tell me i jiggle, that i gained weight, that i need to work out my arms. i take vitamins to keep my hair from falling out because of my lack of eating right or at all. I pretty much snack all day and meals are rare. I used to throw up but never often enough to diagnose myself with anything serious. Ive had more boys comment negatively on my body than good - on my arm hair, the acne on my body, "my freckles", the mole on my neck. to cure my acne i buy all kinds of face creams, and drink heaps of water through the day, skin picking, scraping off things that end in a bloody mess. it helps me mentally but rarely do i ever get a break. Ive broken down in front of the guy i love and told him I'm struggling through something i can't understand. sometimes i don't even want to have sex because I don't feel good enough. I'm tired and i don't even want to leave the house anymore. if i do get the balls to walk out of the house taking pictures is the next unavoidable thing that I tend to hate myself for. he must think I'm insane. this is it. how do i deal with this? I'm so unhappy with my appearance and I don't think it'll ever stop. i think the hardest part of this is that Im working my way up to become a hairdresser... people probably wonder why I'm so nice to everyone. to me , the worlds cruel enough. i can see beauty in the most flawed of other people.... my curse is, its just never myself.


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## littlepoppet (Nov 15, 2015)

*BDD.*

Hi everyone,

I am really new to this. I have been discussing my social anxiety issues with my family today and we all understand that something really needs to be done. I do not feel comfortable with visiting the doctor, yet, although I am aware that this is something that I am probably going to need to do.

I was bullied during my high school years, teased about my appearance and told that I was a 'freak' fairly often, due to my interest in punk and metal music and my dyed purple hair. My mother removed me from school when I was 15, as the bullying continued and I actually developed gallstones. On one occasion, a girl from my year approached me in the PE changing rooms with an aerosol can and a lighter, threatening to set fire to my face. At this point, I collapsed as I experienced a severe gallstone attack. My GP informed myself and my mother that stress would not help my condition, therefore I was removed from school and home educated. Although this was definitely the right decision, my former friends appeared to disown me and would s****** and point whenever I walked passed them in the city centre, therefore I felt very lonely and isolated. 
College was not so bad, I was not bullied and nor did I feel isolated, although I suppose my confidence and self-esteem was fairly low. I began to go out with my older sister and made new friends, who were unaware of my past and were more mature, this made me feel empowered and happy within myself.

Recently, within the last ten months, I have began to feel extremely down. I am 5ft 8inches and wear a UK 14, although I am aware that I am not a teeny weeny stick person, I am aware that my size is not THAT bad. However, this logic goes completely out of the window on a daily basis, as I feel enormous and hideous most days.
I am currently wearing size 22-24 t-shirts, as I carry some extra weight around my stomach area. The t-shirts look too big and I am having to tuck the neck line in to my bra straps, so as not to look like a tramp. I continue to wear size 12-14 leggings and have no issue with this, but have now started to wear the same items daily. If I buy anything else, I am unable to wear it as I am so ridiclously self-conscious and concerned about the comments that people may make!

Every day brings a new challenge for me, I am never sure whether the issue will be feeling fat, or feeling ugly. Although my family do their best to support me, they do not understand the daily struggle and often become fed up of me comparing myself to others or appearing down and dispondent. I try to explain the situation as best I can, but it is very difficult and during my explanations I do not feel listened to at all - this is half of the reason I do not want to visit the doctor. If I am unable to speak to my family, how can I speak to them?

My social interaction has decreased massively, whereas I would once go out every weekend and socialise with a variety of people, I now only leave the house to go to work and do not socialise at all. I have absolutely no friends, because I am unable to trust people and I do not feel comfortable to go out and socialise. If I see people I know in the street, I will hide or cover my face so that they are unable to see me, as I am ashamed of my appearance.

I understand that childhood bullying can play a large part in BDD, and I believe that this is the case with me. I am often told that I should "get over it" but sadly, it is not that easy.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

i've wondered if i've had it before. i've always had an intense hate for my body, feeling ultra insecure and vulnerable when i'm not covered up or i'm outside, going even so far as to fantasize about cutting parts off or pulling my teeth out.

i would never tho cause i'm such a wimp lol.


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## mirado (Oct 16, 2015)

I've been diagnosed and it defiantly worsens my social anxiety. I feel like people are disgusted by me and are always secretly thinking about how ugly I am and dissecting my appearance.


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## William8 (Nov 19, 2015)

mirado said:


> I've been diagnosed and it defiantly worsens my social anxiety. I feel like people are disgusted by me and are always secretly thinking about how ugly I am and dissecting my appearance.


I understand. I have both BDD and social anxiety. I absolutely HATE going down town because that's where my BDD gets out of control, I feel like people are looking at my lips and my skinny body. My arms are so skinny and so are my legs, it's embarrassing and makes me look strange. Not to mention clothing... If I'm going anywhere down town I will find a decent outfit to wear and then 1 minute later I'm wearing something else, rinse and repeat.


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## Recessive J (Feb 18, 2014)

Probably a 6 or 7. I'm obsessed with trying to make my skinny body bulkier but also trying to lose weight from my face/neck. 

Also I'm not sure if this is more BPD than BDD but I'm constantly changing my "look", to try and forge some kind of identity for myself. 

I'm gunna try and write everything down since I find it really hard to talk to my therapist about this kinda thing


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Well, I haven't mutilated myself or killed myself yet despite living with those urges for the better part of my life so I guess I'm doing okay. I'm alright as long as I don't have to look in a reflective surface or expose myself to the view of others or see a picture of myself or think about my body. I typically avoid contact with other people if I can avoid it. I wish I could make myself invisible at will. I'd probably freak everyone out buying groceries, though.

Rating it is kind of hard. It fluctuates a lot. I'm probably typically between a 6 and 9. I'd save 10 for anything that leads to a trip to the hospital or morgue.

After gender dysphoria I'd say BDD is the condition most likely to kill me. But they're all bound up together so there really isn't any point giving them separate labels.


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## Wde93 (Jul 9, 2015)

Does anyone spend a lot of time in front of the mirror before social gatherings? Like while getting dresses? I just sit there and stare and try to perfect everything. I imagine conversations I might have or in think back yo conversations I already I. I just can't pull a way from the mirror. Its like my safe place. I know every hair is sitting perfectly as I want it and my eye makeup is even. When I'm away from it I feel so insecure. But at the same time I feel insecure looking at it and it takes forever to get dressed. I don't understand why gerribg dressed can't just be normal for me


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## Wde93 (Jul 9, 2015)

Dressed*


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## Wde93 (Jul 9, 2015)

Sorry for all my typos. Idk how go go back and edit it!


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## P1e2 (Jan 18, 2014)

Yes may have BDD to some degree, but who has a perfect body? As a kid I used to think wow models are so glamorous and now look at magazines and when see the overly thin models I think "wow models how unhealthy and Un-glamorous." I feel more confident about myself in general when I exercise on a regular basis and just want to be healthy physically and mentally. Sigh.


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## dpc28 (Jan 6, 2016)

I would say mine is an 8 or 9. Some days I feel ok and other times I believe because my SA makes me so accommodating and friendly, people find me attractive for _that_ reason and not because they liked me physically right away. I obsess over my nose because I think it's too big and my eyes are too small. Some part of me feels that I truly understand how others see me. That it's not a twisted perception at all. It makes it difficult for me to be physically intimate because I have zero confidence in what I look like and have to have a mirror around me or a small compact on me so I can assess how I look at any given moment. Some days are truly exhausting and just the worst.


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## NoraH27 (Nov 3, 2016)

Miss Meggie said:


> I had problems with anorexia in the past. I've gotten much better in the last year and a half or so. I definitely would probably only put myself at a 3 now. I still think my thighs are really fat. I'm quite happy about my stomach, arms, waist, calves, and a few other things. I also think my nose is too wide and wish my head was a little smaller.
> Otherwise, I've gotten much better lately...


Im currently travelling with my boyfriend and his friend. I've been told multiple times by friends I must have some kind of body dysmorphia because I think I'm overweight. 
The thing is I just looked at a photo I was in with them both and I thought the width of my thighs was way bigger than I had thought earlier today. I can't talk to either of them about it because they don't and won't understand. Thing is I did suffer with anorexia and now I know I get bouts of anorexia nostalgia that makes me feel terrible about myself. But really the thing is I find it almost insulting when people can't see I had anorexia or they stop telling me I must have BDD because I think then I must have put on such weight since then that it's no longer visible. This photo has completely messed me up and I find I just want to go home. Just out of this bar, because I can't stand the thought people are looking at me. 
Wow I needed to say that.


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## humblelulu (Jun 2, 2008)

Hmm I'd say I'm about a 9.5. I am constantly going days or weeks of canceling plans with people because i feel too disgusting to be seen. I think about getting surgery and all kinds of stuff to change how I look, but as it all would cost so so so much money, which I don't have, I've got no choice but to stay with what I have atm and I absolutely hate it. I'm so incapable of seeing anything beautiful or attractive within myself. Whenever I take a semi okay photo of myself, even then I feel convinced it's just a sheer fluke of luck with lighting and all that, that made me look okay, and that In person I'm in fact disgusting.
When I was staying with a friend of mine the other month, or hell...when I have spent any amount of hours with anyone, every hour or so (or more frequently if I can) will go to the bathroom, or wherever I know there is a mirror, and I check that I haven't gotten any worse looking in the time I last checked. It affects my life more than anything, and is the cause of a lot of my issues. Whenever I've had rare days where I felt okay for once (very rare these days especially) I feel calm and everything else like SA, depression etc isn't as bad that day. 

I have an eating disorder also, that I've had now for about 11 years and counting. I've struggled with periods of trying to recover the most, because when I gain a bit of weight, any amount of weight, I then look even bigger and worse in my head, and then won't leave the house at all until I've lost all the weight again. One example of how this effects my life etc, is for instance how a friend asked me to stay with them for 3 weeks as things havent been great with my mum at home atm, they were originally going to come today to pick me up. But because I feel too chubby and gross for my own liking I lied (which I feel absolutely awful about) and told them I was going to see a friend this weekend and couldn't go to theirs, and will have to go next weekend (all to buy me another week, where I can potentially lose enough weight to feel okay going by then).

I hate my face, every single thing about it, I hate my hair, my face shape, my arms, legs, boobs, bum, stomach, hell...even my neck and feet and hands. I often have days I don't even want to exist anymore because I feel so trapped in this body I can't ever change.


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## humblelulu (Jun 2, 2008)

NoraH27 said:


> Im currently travelling with my boyfriend and his friend. I've been told multiple times by friends I must have some kind of body dysmorphia because I think I'm overweight.
> The thing is I just looked at a photo I was in with them both and I thought the width of my thighs was way bigger than I had thought earlier today. I can't talk to either of them about it because they don't and won't understand. Thing is I did suffer with anorexia and now I know I get bouts of anorexia nostalgia that makes me feel terrible about myself. But really the thing is I find it almost insulting when people can't see I had anorexia or they stop telling me I must have BDD because I think then I must have put on such weight since then that it's no longer visible. This photo has completely messed me up and I find I just want to go home. Just out of this bar, because I can't stand the thought people are looking at me.
> Wow I needed to say that.


I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that atm, I can relate a lot with what you wrote. Like when people stop asking about it, you then see it as more of a reason that you're how you see yourself. But I guess we have to remind ourselves that not everything we think is a fact. If you want someone to talk to, you can feel free to private message me when you need to vent and as you said, arent able to confide in your friends atm. xx


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## humblelulu (Jun 2, 2008)

Wde93 said:


> Does anyone spend a lot of time in front of the mirror before social gatherings? Like while getting dresses? I just sit there and stare and try to perfect everything. I imagine conversations I might have or in think back yo conversations I already I. I just can't pull a way from the mirror. Its like my safe place. I know every hair is sitting perfectly as I want it and my eye makeup is even. When I'm away from it I feel so insecure. But at the same time I feel insecure looking at it and it takes forever to get dressed. I don't understand why gerribg dressed can't just be normal for me


Yeah I do that too! It's strange, most would associate looking in a mirror lots as a sign of being vain, but in fact for me it's like a way of reassuring ourselves that we havent changed at least, since we last checked, and for that moment we don't have to worry 'oh god, i wonder how I look, what if i look awful'. but instead can just be free of that worry for a moment, because we can see how we look right then and there. Sorry if that's a weird way of describing it. 
You're not alone! x


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## Rickets (May 5, 2014)

At the moment probably around a 5. Sometimes I feel too skinny, sometimes I feel like I'm gaining too much weight on my mid section. I worry that people notice my small chest in comparison to my arms.


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## DevilKisses (Mar 5, 2014)

I don't think I have proper BDD, but I do have issues with my appearance. My main issue is my face looking too soft, weak and dull. That makes me obsess about how my facial structure looks, whether I have the right facial expressions and a bunch of other stuff.


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## pearlgrey (Jul 31, 2016)

I doubt I have bdd, but I do feel ugly all the time. Then again, that's probably because I am. Everyone else looking so perfect all the time doesn't help.


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## blue53669 (Sep 15, 2016)

I'm not sure what number I would give it but I definitely struggle with it. It's also a little hard to really qualify it as BDD *now* because I'm definitely fat (5'6'' and 200 lb), but even when I was 120 which should have been a fairly healthy weight, I felt like I was extremely disgustingly obese and absolutely hated seeing myself in a mirror or picture. Even back then I never let my husband see me naked or even in underwear and the lights always had to be off. Makes me laugh now because had I only known what I'd look like 20 years and 3 kids later... yuck. Any time I'm talking to a person I'm sure that they're just thinking how gross I am. But also other appearance-wise that I obsess over, like one eye is bigger than the other or my smile is crooked or acne or hairs being out of place, that I feel like everyone is probably staring at and thinking I look so weird but other people say they're not even noticeable. 

After reading the posts I'm actually surprised because I didn't know that skinny people suffered from BDD, because in my head I always imagined that skinny people must just feel great about their bodies. So that was naive and insensitive on my part and I'm sorry to others who suffer with worrying about their appearance (on either end).


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## Rose2 (Nov 4, 2016)

My BDD is pretty severe, it ranges from a 7-10. At the moment I'd say it is around 9. I can relate to the other posts on checking as I tend to focus on one aspect of my appearance that I'm unhappy with and constantly check it in the mirror hoping it will look better. But I know that it only magnifies the defect in my own mind turning it into a full blown deformity when it is really something fairly minor that other people wouldn't really notice. when I find myself going into this state I have to pull back and decide to stop the monitoring for at least a day. After this the preoccupation fades away and then a few days later I will swap to something else. The whole process is like a really anxiety provoking and exhausting merry go round. I wish I could find a way to just let it go and accept myself for the way I am. Unfortunately my mother was very emotionally abusive towards me from a very young age and was always pointing out my physical defects so it feels like I am hard wired now for this kind of thought process. And of course it feeds into the SA as well.


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## Pandemoniac (Dec 10, 2016)

I was diagnosed with BDD a few years ago. It used to be at an 8 or 9. I would spend countless hours in front of various mirrors, scrutinizing my skin, facial shape/structure, nose, eyes and hair mostly. It was draining both mentally and physically. However, I've since had CBT/exposure therapy which has helped a lot. I still suffer with BDD to an extent, but it's a lot more manageable than it was a year or more ago. Regardless, it's a terrible thing to have alongside social anxiety as the two together just feed off of one another.


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## Psychologistemily (Dec 14, 2016)

Hello lovely people!
I would love for you to help me with my final year project. I am a psychology student at the University of York and I am researching how people feel about their bodies. It only takes 15 minutes to complete and I will be forever grateful!

Here is the link https://goo.gl/forms/TNmPtSQWfC93wTk93 (don't worry its just a google form link, nothing dodgy)

Thank you!


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Psychologistemily said:


> Hello lovely people!
> I would love for you to help me with my final year project. I am a psychology student at the University of York and I am researching how people feel about their bodies. It only takes 15 minutes to complete and I will be forever grateful!
> 
> Here is the link https://goo.gl/forms/TNmPtSQWfC93wTk93 (don't worry its just a google form link, nothing dodgy)
> ...


Is this your PhD thesis topic? I beleive there is a special section for research here. Anyway, good luck on obtaining that degree. Thanks for choosing the SA topic for your research.


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

According to both my therapists i have this "sickness".

But for me, its just a name on the paper.

I am truly ugly, 0 on the look scale.

I dont understand why i should lie to myself and go around and think that i am decent looking when i am not.


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## Psychologistemily (Dec 14, 2016)

https://goo.gl/forms/TNmPtSQWfC93wTk93

Please take part in my final year psychology project. The link above sends you to a simple questionnaire with some videos of other people's faces and 10 questions on how you feel about your own body image.

All of your input could majorly help you and other sufferers of BDD. 
I am hoping that the results could help me to formulate a new treatment for Body dysmorphic disorder in the future!

Thank you! 
emily x


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## Psychologistemily (Dec 14, 2016)

It is my third year undergrad topic. I am really keen on figuring out some more effective treatment! Please take part in the questionnaire- even if you do not suffer from BDD, I need a diverse set of participants to see an effect!

Thank you


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Psychologistemily said:


> It is my third year undergrad topic. I am really keen on figuring out some more effective treatment! Please take part in the questionnaire- even if you do not suffer from BDD, I need a diverse set of participants to see an effect!
> 
> Thank you


I took it, it was interesting, thanks


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

@Psychologistemily I took the test. I'm pre-op mtf trans, so it's not clear to me how much of my body image problem is a result of BDD and how much is dissatisfaction with my gendered attributes. I avoid looking at my own reflection, or images of myself, unless absolutely necessary, since it triggers my dysphoria. The two conditions do not interact well.


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## In The Shade (Jun 26, 2016)

Okay this may seem very self centred and vain but this is some of my imperfections and they are all very real and not inside my head, nor am I imagining them.

- Short and stubby
- Crooked teeth 
- Big crooked nose
- Weak chin/jawline
- Body acne (Thankfully I never had much on my face)
- Big pretruding ears
- Small bone structure 
- Bald patch
- Unibrow
- Long scruffy looking eyelashes
- Nostril hair

Right, so above are all my VERY REAL imperfections, I do not have BDD because I don't actively seek out cosmetic help for any of my imperfections nor do I tamper with my own body, however it does mess with me mentally because I know for a fact my appearance is the biggest factor why I was bullied and still continue to get ****ty comments here and there even to this day. I do stand up for myself at times because I get spoken to like ****, when I stand my ground it does not do me any favours because im easily put down, physically I look weak because im short and have a very small bone scructure, it doesn't help looking 10 years younger than I actually am as it just makes people laugh even more when I do stand up for myself because I am objectively inferior.

I have been a recluse for some years now due to not being able to deal with the insults over my appearance, I've heard it all and it messes with me mentally but thats because feabel minded but when people keep saying the same thing about you, unfortunately there is some truth to what they are saying even if they are being arseholes, for example I have always been reffered to as the following 

- Retard
- Spastic
- Ugly B*****d

Those are the main 3 insults that have been thrown my way, you cant make that **** up, I've been called a lot worse than that but I honestly do not want to wallow in self pity but that is the reason why I have social anxiety and eventually become depressed because as a man who is physically and mentally inferior it is very difficult in this world and even when I do stand up for myself it doesn't really do much because people just see me as a joke, someone who they can talk to how they like and I know for a fact its because of my appearance so I don't need a BDD diagnoses as quite frankly my problems are reality and not all inside my head.


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

In The Shade said:


> - Short and stubby
> - Crooked teeth
> - Big crooked nose
> - Weak chin/jawline
> ...


Some of this stuff you can fix.

The most important is personality. You are smart and good at writing, so you are not some retard like me. You can get a good personality and in this way get friends and a girlfriend.


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## Mr A (Oct 7, 2015)

I have this and it's ruined my life. Despite other people saying I look "cute" and "a decent looking guy", I've always thought I looked like a grotesque monster with an unsightly complexion. Another one of my issues is how old I look; people say I look near my age (currently 19, people say I look around seventeen/eighteen), but I've always thought I looked like I was 12/extremely androgynous. I feel nothing but inescapable dysphoria after seeing my stupid face in the mirror, which is why I tend to avoid them.

Current issues:
- Improve complexion
- Release tight muscles around mouth
- Fix mild eye bags/smile lines
- Fix estrogen imbalance due to diet that is high in alcohol/sugar/grains; this right here has exacerbated my baby face even more.

I think I have the delusional variant of this disorder; I've experienced mild auditory hallucinations related to my looks ("look at his face lol"), and a lot of referential thinking. Over the years, there have been many occasions where I almost totally lost it and became _utterly convinced_ that other people on the street were ridiculing me and staring at the perceived defect (mild psychotic break?), which made me really pissed, almost to the point of assaulting them...


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

I had this bad growing up, say a 10. I got it down to about a 5 over the years, then I dated someone who pointed out these flaws and made fun of me for them, and also pointed out some new ones I never even thought about and it's back up to a 10.

I do get good feedback from almost everyone on my looks nowadays, but I do not see the appeal. Maybe if they saw how grotesque I look without clothes they wouldn't compliment me.


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## In The Shade (Jun 26, 2016)

ljubo said:


> Some of this stuff you can fix.
> 
> The most important is personality. You are smart and good at writing, so you are not some retard like me. You can get a good personality and in this way get friends and a girlfriend.


You can't say I'm not retarded just because I am "good at writing"

I have been reffered to as retarded many times so it must be true, he'll even I know I'm a regard, you'd know where I'm coming from if you actually knew me.


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