# Don't lke that my therapist is so close to me???



## fallen18 (Aug 25, 2011)

I know it sounds weird and I bit rude but sometimes I wish my therapist wasn't soo kind and caring towards me it feels like I'm telling my life story to my favorite aunt or something. Which is nice but not when I feel like I disappoint her or she worries it makes me stressed. She give me hugs and treats me like her own daughter sometimes I just feel like she's not my therapist but more of a friend I wish it was a less personal relationship so I could feel like I was talking to a therapist honestly. I guess it's because I've known her since I was 13. But I just feel like she's not helping me as much as she used to...is this weird?


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

You could tell her the hugs and stuff make you uncomfortable - in my view they should not be happening, it crosses the professional relationship boundaries.


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## fallen18 (Aug 25, 2011)

I agree I don't like getting hugs from my therapist it just doesn't feel right but she's such a nice lady I would feel bad....I was kind of debating on getting a new one possibly?


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

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## fallen18 (Aug 25, 2011)

Yeah she just kind of does it and she'll squeeze my arm as I walk by to leave every time I'm all for free hugs just not from my therapist you know?? it just feels weird.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

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## fallen18 (Aug 25, 2011)

Okay I'll try but I feel like I'm going to feel bad lol


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## abom (Feb 28, 2012)

You shouldn't feel bad! You have every right to your personal space and your feelings towards the professionalism of your therapist. I agree that some people employ touch as their way of expressing comfort, but if you're uncomfortable you should tell her because it will make it easier for your process through therapy. It will avoid more complications later on, because over time you'll grow more uncomfortable and maybe even move on when you don't necessarily have to. This issue is solvable and can be fixed!


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

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## fallen18 (Aug 25, 2011)

That makes me feel a little better I guess I won't mind as much I'll try to tell her next time and hopefully she'll understand.


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## MrWibblyWobbly (Mar 2, 2012)

It also sounds like it's not just the touching that makes you uncomfortable, but just that she seems more to have become a friend than a therapist. It might help to re-clarify what your goals are with therapy, and to re-focus on getting help to accomplish those goals from your therapist. "Let's get to business" basically.


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## KayVeigh (Feb 23, 2012)

I had issues not with my therapists being too touchy. None of them have ever tried to touch me, thankfully. My issues came from the fact that they tried to act too friend-like (almost maternal) to me. I don't know if it always works this way, but I switched from a female therapist to a male therapist, and now I have none of those issues and am getting a ton more work done with the male therapist. There is definitely none of the maternal/friend crap. This is my third therapist. The first two were female and I had that same issue with the first two. Gah, who would want to pay to have someone be your friend. Ha!


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I love therapists like this. Mine hugs me too.


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

I've never had a therapist hug me but I have had therapists who didn't want to hear what I had to say if it wasn't pleasant. I say more on this forum than I could say to them. It made me feel like what was I there for...


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I think you should tell her not only about the hugging making you uncomfortable, but also how you don't want to sound rude or hurt her feelings. I think it would be good for her to know both things. I bet she cares enough to respect your feelings and boundaries.

This also sounds like a good exercise for you in being assertive about what you want, rather than running away and changing therapists. Hang around and ask for what you want--I bet it might work out better than you think!

(I should take my own advice--on the assertive thing I mean. I wish I had a more feeling and sensitive therapist. Instead I feel like I don't get enough of that, so I'm in an opposite position to you. But I still have to learn to be assertive also without worrying so much what the other person will think, feel, or do)

Good luck!


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