# Lack of will to live, but not suicidal



## Western Wall

This does not describe me right now. But a few months ago, it did. It seemed that I gave myself no reason to live. Now I'm making plans about moving out, spending time on my writing, and planning to look for a part-time job before October comes in. The whole thing scares me poopless, but now I really am appalled about how I thought, a few months ago, that I wouldn't mind if cancer took me, or that I just had no reason to get up, or that all I would ever do would be to organize my stuff.

Is anyone here not really suicidal, but sort of putting a low value on their lives?

I think this is a real problem to be addressed. You don't have to be suicidal to have no reason to live. And having no reason to live always makes people more anxious and depressed. It sure did that to me.


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## leppardess

I know exactly what you mean. I'm at that point right now where I really don't care what happens to me. I know that I need to do things but I have no will to do them. I need to get a job, I need to address problems with my bank accounts, I need to start my life again & my will to do that has evaporated, more or less. I try to get up at a reasonable hour every day but I can't seem to manage that. 

All I do is want to sleep. I don't even watch TV anymore, just have it on in the background so the house isn't quiet. I'm very depressed.


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## dismal_dame

I can relate 100%. I am so terribly depressed, and I can't see anything getting better now matter what I do. I only get up and go to work because I have to support my existence while I'm here. No one else is going to help me. 

Journaling today, I asked myself on a scale of 1 to 10 where was I in terms of suicide. I'm at a good 61/2 right now. Not high enough to do it myself, but trust me when I say I wouldn't give a damn if I got hit by a truck right now.


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## missnat84

dismal_dame said:


> I can relate 100%. I am so terribly depressed, and I can't see anything getting better now matter what I do. I only get up and go to work because I have to support my existence while I'm here. No one else is going to help me.
> 
> Journaling today, I asked myself on a scale of 1 to 10 where was I in terms of suicide. I'm at a good 61/2 right now. Not high enough to do it myself, but trust me when I say I wouldn't give a @#$% if I got hit by a truck right now.


 :hug 
Depression is so hard to live with and i understand how you feel. I sometimes wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up.


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## Johnny_Genome

I feel this way sometimes -- like I could just fade away and I wouldn't really care.


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## malcman

I feel the same way. I just foresee me being the same 20 years down the road. Im not suicidal but I wouldn't mind if something all of the sudden ended me sometimes.


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## emptybottle

dismal_dame said:


> I wouldn't give a @#$% if I got hit by a truck right now.


Yeah, every now and then I really really hope for that kind of thing to happen to me. By accident of course. I'm not willing to live a miserable life indefinitely, but I would never off myself because I'd never want to put my family through the grieving process.


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## dismal_dame

I have a quick question. 

Are you only suicidal if you make actual attempts? Are you not considered suicidal if you're ok with being hit by a truck or to suddenly become stricken with cancer? :stu 

I'm not really afraid of being dead, I'm afraid of dying. Which is only natural. That's got to be the primary reason I haven't made any attempts. Plus, I haven't exhausted all possibilites. Most of the time I feel like no matter what I try I'll never be happy. I'm sure that's just the hopelessness that accompanies depression talking. But I plan to get serious about therapy, find a less (mentally) demanding job, and if none of this works, I'll go for meds. After I try all of this and I'm still not feeling too much better than I might go ahead and do it.


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## Melusine

I can really relate, though i used to have suicidal bouts in the past (not attempted though) and i've over the idea of suicide because i'm afraid of what's after death if you do it. I've had to deal with alot of hardships and bad depression, so i've basically been inside alot with no 'real' life. 
I have alot of oppurtunities i just don't find the will to take them, i feel useless and like it wouldn't matter anyways. I think i was close to death once and sometimes i do wish i had died..but at the time i hoped i lived..so i think i have more will to live than to die. But i seriously think that death isn't such a bad thing, as long as you die of natural causes.


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## Josh

I feel the same way. I honestly would not care if I died. Mostly I stay alive for my mother’s sake. She’s the only one who’s ever been there for me and I just couldn't do that (kill my self) to her.


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## Hermit the Frog

Josh said:


> I feel the same way. I honestly would not care if I died. Mostly I stay alive for my mother's sake. She's the only one who's ever been there for me and I just couldn't do that (kill my self) to her.


Exactly how I feel most of the time. My cousin committed suicide when he was a teenager, and seeing how it affected his parents is really what restrains me. I couldn't do that to my mom.


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## Null

> I sometimes wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up.


Me too.


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## SVIIC

Well... I'm not sure but... I feel at least a bit like this.

And have for... quite some time...

Things are just... ****, they pretty much always have been. I feel like I've wasted my life but I couldn't have changed it anyway. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and SA means I have like... 1 friend, but I never even do anything outside school anyway so... that barely even counts. In my class at school there's pretty much only 1 guy I talk to... school is such a pain. I feel so uncomfortable and warm and sweaty and stiff and... I get a really bad feeling in my whole body...

I feel like things can't possibly ever get any better. I mean, I've waited this long, right? Things are still ****. And I can't talk to anyone about it, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to phrase it right or they wouldn't understand how bad things are.

Ugh... everything annoys me... that and I'm 5' 7" and have aspired to be tall all my life but now it looks like I'm ****ed. I wouldn't mind so much if I at least had some consolation...


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## raeble

I feel like this. I wouldn't mind if I got run over by a bus tomorrow, but I'm not actually going to step in the path of a bus and I would actually get out of the path of the bus. If this makes any sense. 

At the moment I've got into my head I'm not going to live past twenty five, I don't know where this has come from. I know when I was a child that I didn't want to grow any older than 25, I didn't mind living I just didn't want to age. I'm due to turn 26 in January and I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm worried about why I have this conviction, and why I'm not bothered by it. :stu 

I suppose I don't really have anything to live for. I changed jobs to something that was a more junior position than I was doing before but that wasn't apparent from the job description. I feel like I'm wasting my life but I can't leave because I have to pay my bills. Its all a vicious cycle. I just want some peace.


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## emptybottle

raeble said:


> At the moment I've got into my head I'm not going to live past twenty five, I don't know where this has come from. I know when I was a child that I didn't want to grow any older than 25, I didn't mind living I just didn't want to age.


I've been severely depressed since I was 14, and since then I've never expected to live longer than 25 either. That's why I've never put much thought into planning my career path or being focused on my education or anything.


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## 13times

'Living suicide' is what I call it.....staying alive because suicide is not cool, but not actually "living" and enjoying life. Not a great life choice, but depression has a sweet way of making it seem like there is nothing better.


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## ki11rang3r

I can relate. I fear death as much as a fear the devil. There's no way I could even think about suicide. My goal in life is to become successful, because success is the sweetest revenge. I want to seek revenge to the people that didn't show me love when I most needed affection, to the people that ignored me when I most needed attention. Everyone will love me once I reach success. That's how sweet success is. And I won't die until I reach it. The only thing left is... from where to start?


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## ChrissyQ

I'm not suicidal but my hellish existence is killing me!


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## worldcitizen

I feel exactly the same way. Life is like a third nipple or an extra leg; unwanted, un-needed & a pest. I don't get the purpose in living & I hate waking up every morning to find that I'm still alive. I wouldn't care if I were one of the richest people in the world & I didn't have to work, I will never be truly happy for as long as I continued to draw breath from this planet. To me, life is such a depressing routine; All you do is work so that you can eat, & you eat so that you can live to work another day. 

What's even more depressing is that therapy hasn't helped because I've felt this way for as long as I can remember so being cynical is part of my natural self.


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## im Lost

ChrissyQ said:


> I'm not suicidal but my hellish existence is killing me!


same here im just not afraid of dying but i dont want to kill myself. death is better then a life full of loneliness, pain & misery.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

I explained to a mental health support person suicide is logical, since individual life is pretty insignificant.

I feel like I'm at the end of my life when I have something to be afraid of. But that's a psychological issue connected to anxiety triggers. I'm constantly in limbo moving between not caring about dying at all & wanting to contribute something positive and cool to society.

Well, I have people to go to if I need emergency help, my landlord understands my condition.

I'm also deeply disturbed because of my overactive imagination and a thirst for knowledge. Doesn't help my depression that I find out more facts every day about how the world really is more ****ed up than I knew the day before.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

Western Wall said:


> You don't have to be suicidal to have no reason to live. And having no reason to live always makes people more anxious and depressed. It sure did that to me.


You might be talking about self esteem? A lack of definition of who you are; particularly relevant to a lack of being around other people regularly: an identity crisis. I have a huge problem with this.

It helps to re-assert who I am and the kind of things I allow. This sounds crazy because after a while of living like this, my identity's become fragmented with all the things I do and know. But, I will imagine social scenarios giving a response from myself, and I'll talk to myself, that kind of thing. I even considered writing notes down for how to think which would jump start me to behave differently, for what I was doing. Facts that I couldn't ignore.

(..in fact, that's part of the training Bruce Lee taught in his Tao of Jeet Kune Do, I think it was, you visualize and prepare yourself throwing imaginary obstacles and preparing a response. So it's not crazy.. just socially unacceptable, because people are intolerant of being understanding.)

For example in the morning I just have this huge urge to stay in and not face anything. But after a few hours I can be better. about 14 hours ago I was in the worst state, and now the thing I basically placed in my head as the thing to be afraid of as if it's the worst thing ever.. seemed easy, even positive to deal with. I handled it fine although I was a little nervous. Was thinking clearer because out of fear I prepared well and then everything went better than OK. I really had basically no hope for my future this morning.

So yeah that's depression.. I'm starting to get a handle on it after a few years of not really facing the problem directly and getting lost in escapism.

Best to seek help with a detailed description of what's happening, and what you are thinking.


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## LittleSister

It's called low-grade depression, I believe. But I know what you mean.


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## Cyber Lume

:yes Yes. I relate to this.


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## Hexle

Yeah, i kinda feel that way too. I know I oughta do something, I oughta fight against the fear, I should be gettin a job, make some friends, get out of here...but I have zero will to do that. I just wanna sleep all day, and i wouldn't mind if i didn't wake up from it. I don't actually wanna die.. i just dont wanna live either. At least not " actively" live, if that makes sense.


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## anonymid

Wow, old thread . . .

Anyway, yeah, this is more or less where I'm at now. I'm not suicidal, and it would take a pretty extraordinary change of circumstances for me to become so. But I'm not making any effort to do anything with my life, and I don't even know what I'd want to do with my life even if anxiety and depression weren't holding me back.


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## Freiheit

I feel like this now. I still go through the motions of all my responsibilities but I never have a good time doing anything. Half the time I'm so zoned out that I don't realize when people are talking to me and it gets embarrassing. And I'm not even tired because I sleep well and I eat a decent diet. Everything bores me and seems pointless. I have zero enthusiasm and people look at me funny when I'm forced into group work in class :/


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## fate77

Yes. I really don't see any purpose in living, although I don't think I'll ever commit suicide. I'm not going to intentionally end my life, but most of the time, I wish I'd never been born, but, since I have been, might as well live it out.

There are three main causes:

1. Having no friends or family (who are nice to me) whatsoever, and nobody I can talk to.
2. No purpose in life - most people these days seem to be content with pursuing physical pleasure and money, but that just doesn't fulfill me. Eating, sleeping, working and having sex is the life of a wild animal, not of a human. I think having no broader purpose to one's life is probably the primary cause of depression these days, and there's a correlation between hedonism and clinical depression.
3. So many things I'd like to do, so many tasks I'd like to complete, but I never have the self-discipline to get around to doing them, which absolutely destroys all self-esteem.


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## cellophanegirl

I don't ever feel suicidal, nor would I go happily if some freak accident were to do me in. I don't want to die, and I'm scared of it. 

However, most of the time I feel like I'm in this kind of limbo space. I just spend all of my free time online, getting more and more bored and restless. I don't really love my job, and it's not related to anything I might be striving for in the future. I can't really connect with my friends, and the only reason I hang out with them is because it's a little better than hanging out alone. 

I feel like I'm just floating through life like a ghost. I don't want to die, but I don't feel happy or exited about the life I have right now either.


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## belfort

im not suicidal, never have been but these quotes sum me up..

"strangely, i can recognize things as beautiful, but i do not feel moved in any way by them, nor by anything.i have ceased to care"

"i do not fear death, i fear the empty hours of life that would otherwise lie ahead, of a life that seems to me, the worst fate for a person on this earth"

strange thing is, right now im in a good mood but i know myself..those empty hours wil come back again hard later today.rinse and repeat, day after day..


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## ZO0PIDY

i feel the same way almost all the time. I find listening to the chili peppers helps me get through those periods. Here's a goodie from thier new album...


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## gaz

anonymid said:


> Wow, old thread . . .
> 
> Anyway, yeah, this is more or less where I'm at now. I'm not suicidal, and it would take a pretty extraordinary change of circumstances for me to become so. But I'm not making any effort to do anything with my life, and I don't even know what I'd want to do with my life even if anxiety and depression weren't holding me back.


I feel the same way. I have no direction in my life, no career aspirations which makes me more depressed. I'm jealous of people who knew what thye wanted in life and worked for it.


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## gaz

fate77 said:


> Yes. I really don't see any purpose in living, although I don't think I'll ever commit suicide. I'm not going to intentionally end my life, but most of the time, I wish I'd never been born, but, since I have been, might as well live it out.
> 
> There are three main causes:
> 
> 1. Having no friends or family (who are nice to me) whatsoever, and nobody I can talk to.
> 2. No purpose in life - most people these days seem to be content with pursuing physical pleasure and money, but that just doesn't fulfill me. Eating, sleeping, working and having sex is the life of a wild animal, not of a human. I think having no broader purpose to one's life is probably the primary cause of depression these days, and there's a correlation between hedonism and clinical depression.
> 3. So many things I'd like to do, so many tasks I'd like to complete, but I never have the self-discipline to get around to doing them, which absolutely destroys all self-esteem.


1) My family are nice to me, but i have very little people i can call friends. I have trouble making friends.

2) I feel depressed at society and the fact that sex seems to be everything. Humans are animals really just that we think we are superior because we can talk. Working is not the lif of a wild animal, and sadly woeking is a neccessity of life to get money which is also a neccessity of life which makes me feel depressed as i am currently unemployed and i feel worthless.

3) So many things i'd like to do too. Top of my list is find a woman who loves me which makes me depressd.


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## mitchmuso

Ya I slashed my own tire and then drive on the highway to work waiting for it to blow out just so i could go to the hospital and not have any responsibilities for a little while. I cant wake up in the morning. I dont wanna move ever. It's a chore to get ready for the day sometimes i dont even get ready till the evening. I find myself calling in sick to work so I don't have to get up. How do I get over this!?


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## Rossy

Yip I know how you feel.


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## yes

I had kinda intense suicide ideation for a long time throughout highschool, but I think it was just anxiety responsible for that, not the real me wanting to die. A feeling of "How am I going to _______? Kill me instead!" I was an absolute mess throughout highschool.

Nowadays, I don't know. I wish I had a job, I wish I had my own life. I've accomplished nothing. I don't know if I'm depressed, but I don't have a future. The natural stresses of life seem too much for me to handle when I think about them too - just going grocery shopping, being responsible for my own bills, driving, etc, it feels like it isn't supposed to exist. Sleep may not be suicide, but I've used it in a similar way to escape. A lot of times I go to sleep with a proceeding thought of "What is the point anymore?". In that way, if there was an easy button to just exit, I'd push it.

Can't believe I"m quoting Nicki Minaj, but... "I believe that life is a prize, but to live doesn't mean you're alive."


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## KelseyAlena

I usually lay in bed all day due to being sad and nothing making me happy. With no one to talk to, and no motivation to do anything. Ugh this thread is depressing.


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## Killer2121

I am depressed as hell and also have the lack of will to live.. I feel suicide is a way out but would most likely never do it when I look at my family. I wish I would just get murdered or accidentally hit by a car or something..

I pretend to ignore my depression and lack of motivation with TV, computer and internet research and discussion in an attempt to mask the problem. But at the end of the night and when I wake up, it all comes crashing down


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## basuraeuropea

story of my life - i made an appointment with a clinical psychologist today, though. hopefully she'll be able to help out with anxiety and other issues.


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## visualkeirockstar

I'm suicidal, theres this bridge that i love. Its high, rocky on the bottom with fast flowing icy cold water. Instant death right there if i wanted it.


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## LostMermaid

I feel exactly the same way right now. My life is not getting better and going nowhere. I want to just disappear but I'm terrified of death.


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## Katelyn1236

I feel like this a bit.


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## Luctor

dismal_dame said:


> I have a quick question.
> 
> Are you only suicidal if you make actual attempts? Are you not considered suicidal if you're ok with being hit by a truck or to suddenly become stricken with cancer?


There is actually a distinction between the two types of suicide you've very wisely identified. Those are active suicidal ideation (planning and attempting suicide) and passive suicidal ideation (thoughts about being dead, dying).

That said, even thoughts like the ones you mentioned, the passive type, are extremely traumatic and not to be taken lightly.

I've experienced bouts of depression like this for most of my life. Coming as close as planning my own suicide but fortunately never having the guts to go through with it.


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## gomenne

I feel the same. I had pretty strong suicidal thoughts in the past, I had the courage to do it back then. I dont anymore, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not really.
I fantasize about it a lot, I dont want to attempt it and dont have any plans. But I wouldnt be sad if something bad happened to me.
I have no will to live, life is so ugly and harsh. I hate myself with passion I hate how I turned out, I'm a failure.
I'm a broken person who cant be fixed. I deserve everything bad that's happening and that happened before. It's so hard for me to wake up in the morning and find a reason to keep on going. I have had illusions that I could be liked/loved for who I am, but then I keep on forgetting that actually I'm no one, I'm nothing.
I only feel bad for my parents if I go, but they have two other successful children. Why do they need a failure like myself ? I only bring them shame. I feel guilty that they have a loser in the family. 
I'm not asking much of life, just to be content, to find a reason to live, that's all.


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## Billius

I feel like I am stuck in a grim kind of twilight. I won't attempt suicide but I do feel maybe I am dead and this life is some-kind of hell


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## NightAssassin

sort of tryed it once not fun and if I try it again I would get locked up and have the key thorn away 

So I just have to sit back and wait for this bad fu( ing joke of a life to end and pray I don't go mad betwin now and then witch takes a lot of work and even so why bother


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## Solomon's Tomb

I know how you feel. I walk the streets at dawn, in my pajamas, slippers and draped in a bathrobe to go up to the gas station to get an energy drink, but the wine has no taste, anymore. But, that's unrestrained pessimism, one of the eight pillars of euphoria and I like it that way. Everybody hurts, but I'm a masochist and a glutton for punishment.


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## blc1

What worries me is that I have no initiative, no aspirations, or direction whatsoever. I feel like being born is like being thrust into darkness and you have to try to navigate your way. I don't have the strength, sense of purpose, or wherewithal to do that. I don't feel equipped for life. There is a sense of feeling like a zombie or a mere shell of a person. My financial situation is scary and precarious, and yet I still don't feel motivated. I am scared of what might happen after I die, that if there is a God he might judge me. If is there is a heaven and hell, then existence itself is a nightmare. First an earthly hell, then an eternal one. I'm hoping it all ends with the grave. In my heart of hearts, I probably don't want to die, just waiting until I find a reason to live. I'm hoping that something or someone will come along and will be the thing that transforms me, enlivens and animates me, but that is probably asking too much.


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## Solomon's Tomb

blc1 said:


> What worries me is that I have no initiative, no aspirations, or direction whatsoever. I feel like being born is like being thrust into darkness and you have to try to navigate your way.


That's the core belief of existential nihilism-- my own personal belief. We are "thrown" into the universe without any meaning or purpose and we have to make our own purpose, even if it means nothing.


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## iamdave

Just wanna go to sleep and never wake up again (no suicide thoughts ) not afraid of dieing. 34 year old.

seen all in my life. good time bad time, one side love, friendship, enemy, work, backstabbers, loneliness. 
friends always are only for time being ( though i am choosy in making friends, it take lots of time for friendship) but still i get wrong people (backstabber).

Love - i am not made for it (proposed but did not work twice, may be i am bore or what i don't really know).

Enemy : hardly made any (but people think as me as enemy)
​i have my loving mother, brother married, my sister married. all of them care about me but still. i don't wanna take them to troubles as they constantly wanna see me happy. i know the truth that no matter how hard i try i will never ever come out of this loneliness. i can't explain or tell my feeling to any one.

being with peoples around me doesn't make any sense i still feel alone.
i am not selfish but i really don't have any thing to do as my half of the life is over.

i wish i never wake up after sleep.


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## teopap

Me either. If cancer took me, really I wouln't care. If a car in the streets would hit me and die, I wouldn't care either. Generally I'm not afraid to die. No way to commit suicide, but I'm just surviving, not living. The only problem if I would die, is my parents and relatives. I only feel sorry for them. Otherwise, I think death would be the redemption for me.


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## Zack

Yes, I think about suicide _every single day_. I'm not afraid of death either as I am a militant atheist so God can [deleted by author to avoid being banned] if he exists...


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## shydana101

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever 
believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 
Just believe and your life will flourish with great fruit,leading to the 
everlasting Father, Who giveth eternal happiness


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## shydana101

*Be careful how you use the name of the lord*

"You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not 
hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." (-Says the *Lord God 
Almighty*) 
- Exodus 20:7


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## Zack

shydana101 said:


> "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not
> hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." (-Says the *Lord God
> Almighty*)
> - Exodus 20:7


LOL


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## Zack

PS: I don't just mean the Christian one. I'm talking generally.


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## dal user

i know how you feel, i've felt more **** than usual since saturday as some of my close family are pretty certain there is something wrong with me, like something is not ticking right, im probably mentally retarded or have autism or something along those lines, they also commented on how pale i am and the way i look, so now i know why people stare at me and laugh, its because im not normal, i actually feel suicidal now because of that.

i've known for years there was something odd about me, there is no life in my face, im just dull and my voice is distorted and people give me a bad time because of it, that means its official that i'll never have any friends and will be a loner for the rest of my life.


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## Malek

I used to feel like my life had no value and lacked the will to live, or rather couldn't care less whether I died the next day or not. I never really contemplated suicide for longer than a few minutes I'd say. 

Hypothetically if I did die, a lot of people would mourn me for a few months maybe, the exception is my immediate family obviously. Suicide is one of the most selfish acts cause you're essentially transferring this pain to everyone else who knew you in your life. All because you feel that nothingness or the unknown is preferable to something, your life. And yes I'm quoting this from Francis, from another thread. I've always felt this way during my high school years, I just never took the time to express these sentiments like he did.

So yes I do want to live...
If I ever say otherwise I'm probably just venting or emotional. I'd never logically ever decide suicide as a viable solution.


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## shiningknight

I'm just surviving day by day. If I was in a car wreck and was on the brink of death I would just accept it.

The only real thing that gives me any will to live at all is my loving girlfriend. I really don't know what I would do without her sometimes.


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## Andrew Shen

I have been suicidal for a while now, but of course I still have this natural will to live.
So as many people stated here, I'm sort of in a limbo and my mindset changes rapidly and unexpectedly. In my opinion, the worst part about living is simply thinking, now when I am living, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love knowledge, I'm always trying to prove to myself that I am intelligent or I can accomplish this task or that task. But honestly, I wouldn't mind if all this was taken away in an instant.


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## gillyfish

I'm not suicidal. But I have lost the will to live. I hate everything and what society has become. I dont want to see world war 3. I don't want to see terrorism take over the world. I don't want to know what our world has become in 10 years time when I have children. I don't want kids growing up with false hope and beliefs about society and the way out system works like I did. I Am ashamed to be human. Now I'm not a "nature freak" or anything, but humans are slowly destroying the planet, our earth is beautiful. I dont want to experience the end of humanity. Who knows what will happen the next 5 years, let alone the next 70. 
I am fed up with poverty, terrorism, war, disease, cruelty, and all the other sh!t that goes on that I cannot change
I am simply fed up with living and id rather die than live in such a fcked up place.


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## SofaKing

That's fairly common to reach that level of disgust. When it happens to me, firstly, no more news, blogs, etc. Secondly, I try and focus on one new small thing I can do to make a contribution, i.e. recycling, picking up litter, smile more at people, etc. I don't know where things are headed, but I refuse to be part of the problem and I try to make small, but meaningful changes to help.


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## Nexus Swifty

shiningknight said:


> I'm just surviving day by day. If I was in a car wreck and was on the brink of death I would just accept it.
> 
> The only real thing that gives me any will to live at all is my loving girlfriend. I really don't know what I would do without her sometimes.


Your lucky you have a relationship a lot of us on here can't get one because of are SA. I do wish I wouldn't wake up every single day because I never really have any fun in my life. Literally the only thing stopping me from killing myself is that in the bible it doesn't say you will go to hell if you commit suicide but it also doesn't say you want so I will never take that chance because NOTHING is worse than hell. I do believe there is Hell and Heaven I know some people don't but I have had experiences and seen with my OWN EYES things move by themselves. There is going to be people that say I am just saying this for attention and that it could be wind or something but I know it wasn't and that is the only assurance I need.:


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## Nexus Swifty

gillyfish said:


> I'm not suicidal. But I have lost the will to live. I hate everything and what society has become. I dont want to see world war 3. I don't want to see terrorism take over the world. I don't want to know what our world has become in 10 years time when I have children. I don't want kids growing up with false hope and beliefs about society and the way out system works like I did. I Am ashamed to be human. Now I'm not a "nature freak" or anything, but humans are slowly destroying the planet, our earth is beautiful. I dont want to experience the end of humanity. Who knows what will happen the next 5 years, let alone the next 70.
> I am fed up with poverty, terrorism, war, disease, cruelty, and all the other sh!t that goes on that I cannot change
> I am simply fed up with living and id rather die than live in such a fcked up place.


I am never going to have kids because as you are clearly seeing for yourself the world is a good place but humans are making it bad. Animals never murder or rape or cause wars? Also animals only love they don't judge you or anything there's no reason to hurt them. (yet we still do)I don't want to bring anyone else into this, especially young children. We are on the brink of world war three USA and there allies against Russia and all there allies. The way I see it Humanity is not the name of a species, it's the name of a virus because once we destroy our planet we are just going to (assuming we don't destroy ourselves in the next 250 years) go to another planet and destroy that one.(also assuming we would be technologically advanced enough by then)


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## Kat1990

Nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel. At least we have each other on here.


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## Lynxrunner

I know how it is. Each day I become more suicidal. What really hurts is that someone close to me could help me, but they refuse. It just makes it so much worse.


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333

That's how i feel, life is pointless and i don't belong anywhere. I can't relate to all these people with their optimism, their relationships and their projects, they can have all of that because they are normal.


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## LaFlame1017

Wow finally people that know what I feel. I'm so tired of people saying it'll get better don't worry. Like how can I not? I hate being awake everyday but I don't want to kill myself because I'd never want to put my family through that. I've been on two different mess and I've been to the therapist and nothing has helped me.


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## minimized

Simply nothing more to give.


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## mjkittredge

Yeah, I don't really value my life much. I don't intend to end it, but some days I wish something would randomly happen that would.

Life is a gift, I still have some youth left. I realize this. I should be doing more with the opportunity I have.

But I've been demoralized to the point where I don't have much energy or will to push forward, to go after what I want, to work on getting better. My will is broken and I'm searching for some kind of motivation, a catalyst, a turning point. To get me started.

Other people are so motivated and passionate, they are nose to the grindstone going after what they want, accomplishing things, building momentum, having awesome lives. For now I'm content to read a lot, screw around online, play games, go on the occasional date or nature walk. it's not really living, it's more existing, and wasting the opportunity of life.

Some people just don't have that 'drive' I guess?


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## ReptileGeek

*What my family thinks will help:*

I told my mom that I have lost my will to live on numerous occasions. She always goes "Oh god, Molly. What the hell is wrong with you?" And dismisses it. I know she would be upset, but she is not what is keeping me alive.


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## JulieUzumaki

I can relate to everything on this thread...


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## Metalgirlwoot

A constant apathy to everything including death.


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## juanmoretime

Waking up in the morning is so depressing. It's never a "can't wait to start my day!" feeling, it's more of a "god ****ing damnit here we go again" feeling.


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## pounia

Why isn't there a damn switch in our body ? "Press button to end life". 
Why do I have to keep on going, dreary day after dreary day ? Feel condemned to life. Pointless, pleasureless, boring and dull no matter what to me. I do envy people who seem to rejoice in everyday little things. Never been able to feel that. Ever. Like a ****ed up machine that should have been discarded from the assembly line but which doesn't want to stop, I have to endure this damn pointless joke. There's no need for me to fear afterlife. It's already hell down here.


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## funnynihilist

That's how I feel, not suicidal but very bored with life in general.


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## Lohikaarme

We have the potential to make our planet such a beautiful, amazing place to live in yet we almost always opt to destroy it with our actions. To make myself feel better I often think of elaborate parallel universes where every negative action here is positive elsewhere, a sort of Yang to "our" universe's Yin. Imagination is one of the few things still tethering me to this ****ty dimension


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## Mr Bacon

cellophanegirl said:


> However, most of the time I feel like I'm in this kind of limbo space. I just spend all of my free time online, getting more and more bored and restless. I don't really love my job, and it's not related to anything I might be striving for in the future.
> 
> I feel like I'm just floating through life like a ghost. I don't want to die, but I don't feel happy or exited about the life I have right now either.





fate77 said:


> Yes. I really don't see any purpose in living, although I don't think I'll ever commit suicide.
> 
> I think having no broader purpose to one's life is probably the primary cause of depression these days, and there's a correlation between hedonism and clinical depression.
> 
> So many things I'd like to do, so many tasks I'd like to complete, but I never have the self-discipline to get around to doing them, which absolutely destroys all self-esteem.


These two quotes describe how I used to feel very well.

No purpose. Didn't have any drive, nor enthusiasm. No discipline to do anything.

Thankfully, *I'm a completely different person today.* I'm motivated, and pursuing goals that are dear to my heart.

If I had two pieces of advice, that have had a HUGE impact on me, it'd be the following:

1. Ditch easy instant gratification. Staring at a screen several hours a day while munching on Doritos turns you into a zombie. It literally *eats up all your natural drive*, and causes you to self-loathe. Since I've cut out all that hyper-stimulating stuff, I've found myself with a lot more energy, discipline, and a renewed enthusiasm in life in general. @fate77 talked about how hedonism and depression are linked. That's exactly true. Constant consumption of entertainment will make you addicted and miserable.

2. Build the life that you want. Live according to your values. Literally sit down with a pen and paper. And think long and hard about how you want to design your life. Don't think that you're condemned to being a little drone who works for a bit entity, if that's bothering you.



LittleSister said:


> It's called low-grade depression, I believe. But I know what you mean.


It's also called dysthymia. Low grade depression that goes on for very long, often longer than a major depressive episode.


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