# Overprotective parents and SA?



## something there (Feb 24, 2014)

I think that part of my SA developing is a result of my mother being ridiculously overprotective of me and developing in me a fear of everything.

I'd never consider myself to have ever been really outgoing and vocal and would definitely be called shy by any standards, but my parents, particularly my mother, really didn't help that. I think it started with an overzealous "don't talk to strangers" talk that traumatized me early on of talking to anybody I didn't know. Then continued as she micromanaged my every social step through school. She'd constantly demand I'd tell her my exact location at all times if I did go out with people (refusing to understand that we didn't always have a structured plan), and this would create so much anxiety for me that I simply stopped wanting to go out ever to avoid the harassment and the eventual verbal battering I would receive when I came back about how "irresponsible it is" and that "I'm putting my life in danger" when she doesn't know exactly where I am even after I'd tell her.

I stopped wanting to go out. I stopped telling her anything about my social life in general, particularly as it deteriorated. And even now, I refuse to tell her anything about people in my life beyond my direct family because I can't deal with her relentless interrogation of things that don't really involve her.

Does this sound similar to how your SA may have started or at least contributed in some way? Did your parents reinforce your anxiety like mine did?


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

I posted a nearly identical thread a long time ago, so I know how you feel bro. 

The helicopter parenting (mom in particular), the introverted, shy nature and all that jazz. Except my mom's motive was for me to focus on education above all else, including anything social. Aside from wanting to know where I was, she would always tell me it was a bad idea to go out to eat or do this or that with friends or whatever. 

Thinking on it though, my mom is a pretty reserved person herself. I had a talk with her about this recently, and she kept saying that she just wanted me to be safe. It's quite ironic that now she tells me I need to socialize more.

It's also strange because my dad is a very social, talkative person. I guess I completely took after my mom in terms of social development and mentality.


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## something there (Feb 24, 2014)

Jammer25 said:


> I posted a nearly identical thread a long time ago, so I know how you feel bro.
> 
> The helicopter parenting (mom in particular), the introverted, shy nature and all that jazz. Except my mom's motive was for me to focus on education above all else, including anything social. Aside from wanting to know where I was, she would always tell me it was a bad idea to go out to eat or do this or that with friends or whatever.
> 
> ...


Well that about sums up my life. Mom is becoming a crazy cat woman these days and dad's whole side of the family are the model extroverts.

Figures I should take after mom's side.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Yup my mom royally ****ed me in the ******* too.
-She wouldn't let me talk to strangers (even online)
-Wouldn't let me have facebook
-had to know where I was at every second of the day
- called me every hour when I was away from home
- if I went out with friends she would need all of their contact information as well as their parents'
-religiously checked my coomputer's history
- made me have the door open if I was on the computer
-put parental controls on my computer
-didn't let me play runescape because you could talk to people and "it's full of pedophiles."
-didn't let me stay home alone until I was like 16.
-did my laundry
-didn't let me take stuff out of the oven
-didn't let me walk to school alone
-didn't let me skip school even when I was sick and throwing up all over the place
-wouldn't let me get A-'s
-didn't let me drink soda
- wouldn't let me date until I was 18 (and now she makes fun of me for not having a gf lol)
-didn't let me watch RugRats 
-didn't let me play rated M games
-didn't let me watch rated R movies
-calls me her baby in front of everyone to this day
-didn't let me watch TV at night because "the shows are bad at night"
-made my bedtime 8pm as a 16 year old
-didn't let me have sex in her house
-didn't let me masturbate (she would catch me and get really mad)
-only let me play video games/ watch tv for 1 hour a day
-doesn't let me sit in the car alone in a parking lot to this day

A lot of these things still carry into adulthood...And I still live with her. I need to get out.

It's so sad how she actually thought she was being a good parent and to this day takes pride in her parenting skills... And now she will suffer. No grandkids for you *****.

My dad was the opposite. He always wanted me to be independent, but he was always too busy with work to save me from this evil witch.

Edit: Still adding to the list. I'm sure I can double it.


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## LadyApathy (Dec 2, 2014)

Imbored21 said:


> Yup my mom royally ****ed me in the ******* too.
> -She wouldn't let me talk to strangers (even online)
> -Wouldn't let me have facebook
> -had to know where I was at every second of the day
> ...


Wow....you need to get out of there and fast! She sounds like a control freak. You must have a lot of patience to still be living with her. I would've cut all ties with someone like that, at least for a while.


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## VeryLoco (Mar 23, 2014)

Yep, I got the worst, single mom with me being the only child. I could make a list as big as ImBored or maybe even bigger... If SA wasnt enough, everytime I wanted to go out I would have to convince her for hours that we werent gonna drink or do drugs. Then she would call at 12-11 am when the parties are starting telling me it was too late, and wouldnt stop calling until I got home. This was obviously very awkward, and worse, if I turned my phone off she would start calling my friends! She thought every one of them where drug addicts or alcohohics and I should focus solely on school. And now that I lost most of them and quit partying because of SA, she thinks I followed her advice lol


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## lmoh (Nov 19, 2013)

Yep I also have an overprotective mother. She is extremely overprotective and treats me like a child (which really hurts because I have issues about that). I always tell her about that, but she doesn't listen. It doesn't help that I have communication troubles either way. It really makes me feel like moving out would help me alot. In fact, I plan to move out and I will regardless.


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## LoneWolf14 (Dec 18, 2014)

Add me to the list I got a similar story.


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## GloomyTracy (Jan 17, 2015)

I attribute just about all (80% or so) of my social anxiety as stemming from the way in which I was raised by my parents, with their overprotective abusive controlling ways being the main cause. I was predisposed to be shy and reserved, but their controlling ways never allowed me to go out into the world and develop friendships or learn how to contribute to a friendly conversation and thus I never learned how to make "small talk" and never learned how to be assertive.

I was probably the only child in elementary school who did not like Fridays, as I did not want to then be home on the weekend with my parents for two days in a row, I would rather have endless school days than be at home. The weekends would consist of me in my bedroom only having access to books, there was no phone to call friends with, no television, and I would spend hours just reading the same books over and over, the late '80s and early '90s were a terrible time.

Then, after displaying shyness, their response was to bring me into public sometimes on the weekends and give me little tests, such as me having to enter a store by myself to purchase something or enter a bank and ask to take out a $50 college savings bond, and if I returned to the car and informed them that I was not able to accomplish the task, they would yell at me in the car and put their hands around my neck and shake me, and then bring up the episode later at home and kick me, and being in public became an activity which I feared, and I have been out of college for over a decade now and my mother still does most of my clothes shopping (which is easy for her since I haven't grown since freshman year of high school) and I have to seek out permission from my parents for lots of things in life. A lot of times, if I go to a store or run an errand, I will arrive at the location and I am unable to get out of the car, and then I have to drive back home and attempt it the next day, buying something as simple as a pen or notepad for work can be a two or three day process of trying to make attempts.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Social anxiety and overprotective parents is such a horrible combination. The overprotective parents are the final nail in the coffin for a recipe of disaster.


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## Agricola (Feb 20, 2015)

I think I had almost the opposite problem. My family was overprotective with some things but on others they were quite lax. When I compare some of the stuff I did as a youth to what others were doing at the same age, I looked like a juvenile delinquent. 

I remember jumping turnstiles, smoking in the woods, throwing rocks and bottles at buildings and cars, and just bumming around. I almost wish I had MORE discipline at home when I was younger.


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

sorry tldr

but it could definitely be a factor



> Growing up with overprotective and hypercritical parents has also been associated with social anxiety disorder.[14][40] Adolescents who were rated as having an insecure (anxious-ambivalent) attachment with their mother as infants were twice as likely to develop anxiety disorders by late adolescence,[41] including social phobia.


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## aGenericUsername (Apr 7, 2013)

I don't know if it's a cause or effect. Some parents may overprotect when they see their kid is shy. 

My dad is a really paranoid guy who thinks the world is out to get him. The only real life lessons I was taught as a kid were basically that everyone sucks and don't get married. Also he is really hateful to my mom and is an extremely critical person in general. Basically, if you don't live life exactly like he does, you're an idiot. He literally got mad recently that I paid for gasoline with cash instead of a credit card (I don't even have a credit card) because apparently only idiots do that. 

This may have contributed to my SA.. I don't know. All I know is it's up to me to fix it now

Also overprotective parents may enable SA by allowing their adult child to live with them rent-free whereas a normal parent would not tolerate this and kick you out.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

It swings several ways. What is known is that certain things contribute to SA. These, after medical research can include:

- overprotective parents
- parents that criticise
- people that grow up getting the blame for things they haven't done

"Also overprotective parents may enable SA by allowing their adult child to live with them rent-free whereas a normal parent would not tolerate this and kick you out."

Quite the opposite in some situations. Theres so many things to factor in with that. I don't pay rent here but my situation is very, very unique. I have had to care for family members and my bedroom is nothing more than a converted room filled with mould. Job's are very hard to come by (especially with depression and SA). Bottom line is here I have a significantly reduced quality of life due to the situation.


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## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

My mom was insanely overprotective growing up. I wasn't allowed to leave the house without an adult ever, couldn't even be left at the house alone until I was 16, had some type of keylogger or something on my computer so she could watch all my conversations. I'm sure that played a huge role in me developing SA.


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## Ziva (Jan 9, 2015)

About some aspects in life, yes. But all in all, they were only trying to raise me the best they could. They're not horrible people for doing so but they were your typical helicopter parents.


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## tiramisu (Jan 28, 2015)

yes. it does contribute.
my mom never trust me in anything. she rather see me stay in house instead doing manly thing outside. my mom always talk me down, 'you cant do this, you cant do that'.
my mom dismissed all my friend. accused all my friend with bad trait such as liar, thief, etc.
my mom is terrible emotion manipulator.

im the best worst possible combination of parent.
overprotective mother, and abusive father. my life complete.


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## Jamie24 (Feb 27, 2015)

I would honestly say folks are wonderful who get such attachment from parents.
You will only value them when you become parents.
It is quite possible that they are overdoing a thing or two, but in the end such follow ups will benefit more then the loss.


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## Jamie24 (Feb 27, 2015)

You can buy or order a good book on parenting. Just in case if they over do.


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## NeuroticJester94 (Jan 20, 2015)

I think it should definetly be taken into account, my dad says that all the time. His father killed himself and i think certainly there is a genetic component. Also, because mother's are sensitive to their children's needs maybe they protect children they have that they sense are particularly sensitive to life. It could be they were just overprotective because its their nature, but i truly believe SAD is heritable and maybe overprotection is a mechanism mother's employ because certain children aren't as mentally tough as others. 'Weakminded' is a word often banded about but that's horse****, everybody is given a genetic hand and we have to cope with that come good or bad


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

When i was 10 years old i would get home at 5-6pm from staying out of the house with friends. My parents didn't like that, they always go mad at me. They bought me a computer and internet access, they were happy that i didn't go out. Now they bugg me about not going out, now that i have no one to hang out with.

I think that my parents (specially my mom) were afraid of me getting hurt. 3 out of her 4 brothers died, one drowned and 2 were murdered, and her dad (my grandfather) had an accident which cut off his right arm.

Also being the youngest and the only boy in my family made my parents protect me even more. My parents made sure i got the best things, and my two older sisters go left overs.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

something there said:


> I think that part of my SA developing is a result of my mother being ridiculously overprotective of me and developing in me a fear of everything.
> 
> I'd never consider myself to have ever been really outgoing and vocal and would definitely be called shy by any standards, but my parents, particularly my mother, really didn't help that. I think it started with an overzealous "don't talk to strangers" talk that traumatized me early on of talking to anybody I didn't know. Then continued as she micromanaged my every social step through school. She'd constantly demand I'd tell her my exact location at all times if I did go out with people (refusing to understand that we didn't always have a structured plan), and this would create so much anxiety for me that I simply stopped wanting to go out ever to avoid the harassment and the eventual verbal battering I would receive when I came back about how "irresponsible it is" and that "I'm putting my life in danger" when she doesn't know exactly where I am even after I'd tell her.
> 
> ...


Omg. Yes. I think my mum would be happy if i never left the house. Altho when im home too often she tells me to get out and stop being lazy...:sus
Im so over it. I cant wait to move out and not have to deal with her anymore... ughhhhhhhh!!!!!


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Imbored21 said:


> Yup my mom royally ****ed me in the ******* too.
> -She wouldn't let me talk to strangers (even online)
> -Wouldn't let me have facebook
> -had to know where I was at every second of the day
> ...


F.uck... my mum does half the things on that list. Sorry to hear that man... i guess its good to know im not alone in this tho..? :/ I dno


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