# How come theres WAAAY more men on dating sites than women?



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Has anyone else noticed this?

Most women on dating sites seem to get bombarded with message from guys, even some fairly average looking women who i got talking to said that the amount of messages they get is overwhelming....i wonder what its like for the very attractive women on those sites.

Where do all these 'extra' guys come from?


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## No Surprises (Nov 1, 2009)

I imagine it's not so much the ratio of males as it is the way males tend to interact on those sites as compared to females. They scroll through a mass of profiles and think "I'd do her *click*... I'd do her *click*... I'd do her *click*" until they've spammed dozens of women -- often with hilariously bad template type messages. 

The mirror image of this fact is that females on the other end are forced to dispose of this refuse -- a process which tends to involve gratuitous use of the delete button.


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## faux (Sep 10, 2010)

Yes. Plenty of Fish I like to call _Plenty of Sausage_!

The problem is, they receive so many messages that the regular people like myself don't even get noticed. I have on several occasions got 'UNREAD DELETED', which really annoys me when I make the effort to read someone's profile and show interest in them. I also find dating websites can seem very false. I feel confident enough that some of the women on POF would actually be interested in me if they got to know 'me', which is not something you can express very well on your profile. Online dating is a shallow way to go about it because you are judging the opposite sex on their appearance rather than their personality. If you are a regular looking person you will not get noticed and if you are a munter there really is no hope.


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## Area88 (Oct 4, 2010)

One of the better sites is Match.com, I would suggest that instead.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Because women usually have WAAAY more options


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

nemesis1 said:


> Has anyone else noticed this?
> 
> Most women on dating sites seem to get bombarded with message from guys, even some fairly average looking women who i got talking to said that the amount of messages they get is overwhelming....i wonder what its like for the very attractive women on those sites.
> 
> Where do all these 'extra' guys come from?


Because women can get dates more easily than men IRL, on average.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

On top of how women want to be discovered, nervous women don't like to reveal themselves.

Men are more antsy, and nervous men will take backdoors when they're too afraid to hit the big stage.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

faux said:


> Yes. Plenty of Fish I like to call _Plenty of Sausage_!


There's another quote for my signature! 

And in answer to the titular question: Because it's easier for women to get into relationships. The male lack of er, how should I say, the same sexual...morality?...means the man is much less discerning in who he chooses for a partner - he'll go with any decent looking woman who will take him; whereas the woman, who for reasons related to evolution is predisposed to concerns about the genes of her future off-spring; is more picky in who she chooses to mate with.

Ergo, men approach women, and women reject or accept each, er, 'applicant', as they see fit. Men have to do the approaching, if this isn't working for them they try online dating.

Of course all of that is a huge generalisation and over-simplification of the facts, but there's still enough truth in it to constitute a valid point.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Daktoria said:


> On top of how women want to be discovered, nervous women don't like to reveal themselves.
> 
> Men are more antsy, and nervous men will take backdoors when they're too afraid to hit the big stage.


Not meaning to put you on the spot or anything, but using this thought as an example: women are just as aggressive as approaching as men nowadays. Women have their own emotions and make up their own decisions just like men.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

You have the alien population to consider. Foreign and extraterrestrial.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

No Surprises said:


> I imagine it's not so much the ratio of males as it is the way males tend to interact on those sites as compared to females. They scroll through a mass of profiles and think "I'd do her *click*... I'd do her *click*... I'd do her *click*" until they've spammed dozens of women -- often with hilariously bad template type messages.


Nice! :lol


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

bwidger85 said:


> Because women usually have WAAAY more options





anomalous said:


> Because women can get dates more easily than men IRL, on average.


Knew this canned answer was coming.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

"And in answer to the titular question: Because it's easier for women to get into relationships. The male lack of er, how should I say, the same sexual...morality?...means the man is much less discerning in who he chooses for a partner - he'll go with any decent looking woman who will take him; whereas the woman, who for reasons related to evolution is predisposed to concerns about the genes of her future off-spring; is more picky in who she chooses to mate with."

It is not automatically easier for women to get into relationships. The idea that the man is less "discerning" then a woman would be is guesswork and an assumption about the motives and intentions of other people. The idea that the man will go with any decent looking woman who will take him is also an assumption which holds onto nothing.

Then there's the automatic assumption that, for the woman, "sex must be about having children". Oh, she can't just see having sex as fun. She can't be less discerning than a man. That's not a fact. That's an assumption about a gender.

Since we have things like condems etc and sex is not always about making babies, why would the woman automatically be more picky about who she mates with because of fears about what genes she passes on or whatever. I mean, seriously, why wouldn't the man be equally as picky about where his genes go?

The idea that the man always has to make the approach is daft. That's only holding in the head because of the choice to read things through a widely discredited form of evolution based psychology. Women approach men all the time. Go out on a Friday night and you see it in the pubs and the bars and the clubs.

Sex and relationships are not always or automatically about making babies.

The thread starts with a generalisation. Why are there more men on dating websites then women? Well, are there? There's loads of different dating websites and some of them have lots of men on them and some have lots of women on them.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

Neptunus said:


> Knew this canned answer was coming.


it's true though. why deny it?


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Neptunus said:


> Knew this canned answer was coming.


The fact that you didn't provide an alternative hypothesis is telling.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Neptunus said:


> Knew this canned answer was coming.


That's not a canned answer. I seriously believe that to be the case. Why wouldn't it be?


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

Economists answer our burning questions.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Most of those sites say they have nearly the same number of females sign up as males. However a lot fewer women seem to send out messages and those that do message first tend to be rather restrictive. Men on those sites tend to spam every female within a 100mile radius and then a bit farther if they are bored that day. The ones that are active seem to just sit there waiting for new profiles to be made and a good portion send out messages before the women even get anything in their profile.

My tactic on dating sites was to view their profile daily for about a week and see if they'll send a message. Then decide whether I want to get to know them well enough to send a message first or pick new targets. Generally I had about 3 or 4 guys who's profile I was stalking at any given time and 1 or 2 I was talking to.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

There's supposedly more females on Earth, but everywhere you go, there's always more dudes.


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## faux (Sep 10, 2010)

Resonance said:


> There's another quote for my signature!


haha, glad you liked it


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Not meaning to put you on the spot or anything, but using this thought as an example: women are just as aggressive as approaching as men nowadays. Women have their own emotions and make up their own decisions just like men.


No, I have to disagree with this.

The most attractive and charismatic women have always been assertive. They enjoy being decisive.

Less attractive and charismatic women are outgoing among themselves, but have been and are still very reluctant to present themselves out in the open. They want to be decisive, but are too anxious and stressed to feel it to be worthwhile. If they're approached, they're more engaging, but they hardly ever take that first step.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Futures said:


> There's supposedly more females on Earth, but everywhere you go, there's always more dudes.


Women just don't wander about. They're there, but more secluded and hit those secret niches instead of exploring. Again, they want to be discovered and pampered like precious stones.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Daktoria said:


> No, I have to disagree with this.
> 
> The most attractive and charismatic women have always been assertive. They enjoy being decisive.
> 
> Less attractive and charismatic women are outgoing among themselves, but have been and are still very reluctant to present themselves out in the open. They want to be decisive, but are too anxious and stressed to feel it to be worthwhile. If they're approached, they're more engaging, but they hardly ever take that first step.


Why not just say they are shy? It's the same thing, and it's no different than it is for a man. If anything, women are less likely to approach because there is a stupid rule that states the men will do it, and we usually do. If it was equal, women would approach just as much as men, and they probably do in their own ways, but your just not aware of it. I see women do it all the time.


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## alte (Sep 4, 2010)

According to some study I read (which I am having a hard time finding now), more men have remained unmarried throughout history compared to women. So very simply, since there are more unmarried men, they form the majority on dating sites. There could be other reasons, this one is just a guess.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Why not just say they are shy? It's the same thing, and it's no different than it is for a man. If anything, women are less likely to approach because there is a stupid rule that states the men will do it, and we usually do. If it was equal, women would approach just as much as men, and they probably do in their own ways, but your just not aware of it. I see women do it all the time.


It's not shyness. It's playing hard to get. Women think value is purely a measure of how difficult something is to acquire. If something can be easily replicated or imitated, it's not alluring.

Men break first because testosterone agitates extroversion more than estrogen which agitates introversion instead. Evidence: when a man gets moody, he wants to interact more. When a woman gets moody, she becomes more reclusive.

Sex hormones really fk sh1t up (as if hormones didn't fk sh1t up in general). Again, there are plenty of charismatic and assertive women who hit the beach, the bars, and the clubs when in the heat, but they will find themselves more alluring and will wait for others to come their way (and employ sh1t tests for guts and balls). Even less charismatic and assertive heterosexual women will gravitate to them for a sense of belonging, and less charismatic and assertive women will not take individual initiative. They will herd together taking safety in numbers, overlapping their radar to make them seem even harder to get. It reinforces that feminine mystique, and lets them not feel bad about being anxious because they enjoy each others' company.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

anomalous said:


> The fact that you didn't provide an alternative hypothesis is telling.


Actually, JoinMartin pretty much covered why. Akane gave a nice answer as well.

So what women are you talking about? The super sexy, hot blonde who lets her tattas hangout? The giggly, 18 y/o virgin with the perky breasts who wears cut-off tops to display her flat tummy and shiny belly ring?

Anyone who's attractive (guy or girl) gets hit on - both genders are equally aggressive in that sense, I've witnessed it myself, and so have many of my girlfriends.

What about the average woman? Ya' know, the one that's not "hot" - the one that has a little extra? I think not. Even a woman who's been told she's attractive, but isn't a size 2 has it hard. Women are judged constantly by their looks... and, more often than not, their age.

And before you make the assumption that I'm one of those bitter, fugly women, I assure you - I am not! (Or at least I've been told I'm not.)

It just gets old reading the typical, young guy answer - "oh, girls have it so easy." Eh, no... no we don't! It may seem that way, but only because you're judging us through the lens of a guy with SA, in a culture where aggressiveness and extroversion are prized. Both genders have it hard, both in similar and different ways. The only ones who have it easier are "the beautiful people," the wealthy, and the famous.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Daktoria said:


> It's not shyness. It's playing hard to get. Women think value is purely a measure of how difficult something is to acquire. If something can be easily replicated or imitated, it's not alluring.
> 
> Men break first because testosterone agitates extroversion more than estrogen which agitates introversion instead. Evidence: when a man gets moody, he wants to interact more. When a woman gets moody, she becomes more reclusive.
> 
> Sex hormones really fk sh1t up (as if hormones didn't fk sh1t up in general). Again, there are plenty of charismatic and assertive women who hit the beach, the bars, and the clubs when in the heat, but they will find themselves more alluring and will wait for others to come their way (and employ sh1t tests for guts and balls). Even less charismatic and assertive heterosexual women will gravitate to them for a sense of belonging, and less charismatic and assertive women will not take individual initiative. They will herd together taking safety in numbers, overlapping their radar to make them seem even harder to get. It reinforces that feminine mystique, and lets them not feel bad about being anxious because they enjoy each others' company.


I don't agree because everyone is different, but your entitled to your own opinion. If you know your attractive, and you get hit on regularly, then it makes sense that your more laid back, but even then, I wouldn't be surprised if some are aggressive, and this goes for both sexes.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Neptunus said:


> Actually, JoinMartin pretty much covered why. Akane gave a nice answer as well.
> 
> So what women are you talking about? The super sexy, hot blonde who lets her tattas hangout? The giggly, 18 y/o virgin with the perky breasts who wears cut-off tops to display her flat tummy and shiny belly ring?
> 
> ...


I agree with this. I was wrong to think women have more options when I was thinking of the "beautiful people". My fault.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I never tried online dating, b/c when I start to consider trying it I start to think about all the horror stories that I've heard. And I decide against it.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

> I don't agree because everyone is different, but your entitled to your own opinion.


Daktoria's opinions make me want to smack him but I think I'm just feeling extra violent since my landlord just screwed me over again and my mom just got done telling me all the things that are wrong with my life. Plus discussing it with him is highly unlikely to change his point of view so instead I think I'll go take out today's frustrations practicing for my test in martial arts. :bash


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

bwidger85 said:


> I agree with this. I was wrong to think women have more options when I was thinking of the "beautiful people". My fault.


 Aw, that's okay. :lol Didn't mean to dispel your fantasy.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Neptunus said:


> Actually, JoinMartin pretty much covered why. Akane gave a nice answer as well.
> 
> So what women are you talking about? The super sexy, hot blonde who lets her tattas hangout? The giggly, 18 y/o virgin with the perky breasts who wears cut-off tops to display her flat tummy and shiny belly ring?
> 
> ...


All I'm talking about is percentages, not *every* girl or guy.

My contention is simply that a higher percentage of women have it "easy" in terms of constantly having multiple options. In my experience, only the very "elite" group of the most-desirable guys consistently have women lusting after them and approaching them. OTOH, at least at my age, just about any girl who's average-looking or better and puts in the slightest effort socially is in that situation. I tried for awhile to deny it because it's so depressing to me as a guy, but day after day, my suspicion is only reinforced by observations and experiences.

I certainly recognize there are plenty of less-attractive girls and/or socially isolated girls who don't always have a lot of options, and I don't wish to diminish their suffering at all. All I'm saying is that your typical average-looking, socially-average girl usually has more options and more sexual power than your typical average guy. Guys are just more desperate and/or less picky than girls, on average. And in all honesty, I think that's a large part of the explanation for the phenomenon the OP was asking about.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

anomalous said:


> All I'm talking about is percentages, not *every* girl or guy.


Yeah, I gathered that. It all boils down to a matter of perspective, really.

Either way, complaining about it (not saying you are) is not going to change anything, other than create a further divide between the sexes on this board. As people with SA, we've all got it rough, period.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

The fact remain the same, Guys vastly out-populate girls on most dating sites (at least the ones I've been on). It's at least 3-1 minimum in my area. Don't let it get you down though it doesn't hurt to try. I think you're wrong lots of girls do do the approaching on online dating sites, they don't put much effort into the messages but they will make the first move. If they're good looking, they'll know it, and they'll do the searching themselves cause the guys messaging them are what they see as desperate or creepy. Messaging girls hasn't had much luck for me, but I've had luck when they messaged me first.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Neptunus said:


> Yeah, I gathered that. It all boils down to a matter of perspective, really.
> 
> Either way, complaining about it (not saying you are) is not going to change anything, other than create a further divide between the sexes on this board. As people with SA, we've all got it rough, period.


Well, I agree we all have it rough. But this thread isn't about who has it worse with SA; it's about why there are more men on dating sites, and I answered the OP's question directly.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> There's supposedly more females on Earth, but everywhere you go, there's always more dudes.


That's because they're in the kitchen don't you know? :lol
I personally think dating sites are pretty lame for many of the reasons people already mentioned. You're probably better off trying to find your better half on sites like SAS since you actually communicate with people on here all the time. One other thing. Remember a song by Rod Stewart that had lyrics that went something like this "some guys have all the luck, some guys have all the fame, some guys do nothing but COMPLAIN" :lol. Its not ours to question why but to do or die. I believe that's a military slogan.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'Was there a man dismay'd?Not tho' the soldiers knew? Some one had blunder'd:Theirs not to make reply,Theirs not to reason why,Theirs but to do and die:Into the valley of Death

Alfred Lord Tennyson: The Charge of the Light Brigade


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

anomalous said:


> Well, I agree we all have it rough. But this thread isn't about who has it worse with SA; it's about why there are more men on dating sites, and *I answered the OP's question directly.*


With an _assumption_ on your part.



anomalous said:


> Because women can get dates* more easily* than men IRL, on average.


Ya' know, I don't think we'll be on the same page no matter what, so let us agree to disagree then.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Sometimes I think guys see women as having 'more options' (whether true or not) as a positive, not realizing that this doesn't mean that all (or any) of the 'options' are quality people, compatible in any way, or someone that would ever turn into a relationship. It's just a lot of noise and clutter that has to be sifted through. 

If a dating site has 300x more men than women, it doesn't mean that a woman has 300x the choices for a compatible mate, she probably has the same number of compatible people as a guy, yet with 300x the people to sift through.

Guy's seem to fixate on 'the number of dates' they can get, wherein dating is really not the end goal, a relationship with a quality person is.


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## lonelyEngineer (Oct 8, 2010)

Agree, there are always more dudes. Where are all the girls then?


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

Neptunus said:


> Actually, JoinMartin pretty much covered why.


im afraid i have to disagree with you on this one Neptunis. joinmartin did not cover why. he merely questioned whether it was indeed true that there were more men on dating sites than women. while that is certainly a valid and important question to raise, it cannot be mistaken for an answer. i propose we first determine whether there are in fact more males than females on dating sites and then seek to explain our observations.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Akane said:


> Daktoria's opinions make me want to smack him but I think I'm just feeling extra violent since my landlord just screwed me over again and my mom just got done telling me all the things that are wrong with my life. Plus discussing it with him is highly unlikely to change his point of view so instead I think I'll go take out today's frustrations practicing for my test in martial arts. :bash


Sorry, lol.

I've only experienced two girls honestly ask me out my entire life. They've approached far more often, but it's always a matter of friendliness when I had to flip the conversation over.

Women send signals. They are hardly, if ever, direct.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Johnny_Genome said:


> Sometimes I think guys see women as having 'more options' (whether true or not) as a positive, not realizing that this doesn't mean that all (or any) of the 'options' are quality people, compatible in any way, or someone that would ever turn into a relationship. It's just a lot of noise and clutter that has to be sifted through.
> 
> If a dating site has 300x more men than women, it doesn't mean that a woman has 300x the choices for a compatible mate, she probably has the same number of compatible people as a guy, yet with 300x the people to sift through.
> 
> Guy's seem to fixate on 'the number of dates' they can get, wherein dating is really not the end goal, a relationship with a quality person is.


I don't really follow your logic here. If a girl has 300x more people to sift through who are all interested in and willing to date her, her chances of finding someone compatible among them are drastically higher than the man who has 1/300 the number of girls willing to date him.

The downside for girls is that they have to reject men who approach them more frequently, which can be awkward (IRL; not really on a dating site). But still, I would argue the number of people approaching you with interest is basically proportional to your chances of finding someone compatible. It's silly to think that if a girl has 10 guys pursuing her, while a guy has one lone girl in his social circle who's even willing to date him, that the two have equal chances of ending up in a good relationship.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

anomalous said:


> I don't really follow your logic here. If a girl has 300x more people to sift through who are all interested in and willing to date her, her chances of finding someone compatible among them are drastically higher than the man who has 1/300 the number of girls willing to date him.
> 
> The downside for girls is that they have to reject men who approach them more frequently, which can be awkward (IRL; not really on a dating site). But still, I would argue the number of people approaching you with interest is basically proportional to your chances of finding someone compatible. It's silly to think that if a girl has 10 guys pursuing her, while a guy has one lone girl in his social circle who's even willing to date him, that the two have equal chances of ending up in a good relationship.


I can't lie, this is how it usually appears, unless of course, the woman is by far unattractive. Yet, if a man is attractive his odds seem much lower than a woman on his same caliber of attractiveness, and I can't deny that fact at all.

For the record, I'm not 100% sure with this one, but just from my observations at least. I could be wrong.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> I can't lie, this is how it usually appears, unless of course, the woman is by far unattractive. Yet, if a man is attractive his odds seem much lower than a woman on his same caliber of attractiveness, and I can't deny that fact at all.
> 
> For the record, I'm not 100% sure with this one, but just from my observations at least. I could be wrong.


If you get men and women on the same level of attractiveness then of course the women will have better chances of romantic success. Why? Because men are expected (and will) to make the first move. Women know that if their at least reasonably attractive, then they dont have to make the first move, ever. And why would they put themselves in a position to possibly get rejected when they dont need to? Women of a certain level of attractiveness know that all they have to do is sit back and wait and sift through guys that approach them until they find one which is suitable for them. That goes for in real life as well as online.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Magaly said:


> You're basically ruling out the possibility that a girl might have her sights set on a specific person, and may just have to make the first move, depending on the situation and the guys personality.


I agree.

In my experience, if a girl wants to get to know you better, she will directly or indirectly (through mutual friends) find a way to let you know. This is why placing yourself in the social circles of the type of people you want to meet is, IMO, way more effective than online dating.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

anomalous said:


> Because women can get dates more easily than men IRL, on average.


I must be way below the average so


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Hello22 said:


> I must be way below the average so


No, it will have more to do with confidence than appearance imo. If you can approach guys and flirt and all that jazz then I suppose it would be easier, but if you are reluctant to do so I think no matter what you look like it will always be a challenge.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

^ ya confidence seems to be the big turn-on for guys (and girls fancying guys)

....one of the many traits i lack!


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Hello22 said:


> I must be way below the average so


Only if you're regularly putting yourself in social situations where guys can approach you. If you're not, then obviously it's not going to matter how attractive, confident, or anything else you are.


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## Alexa (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the fear associated with online dating, or the fear associated with dating in general. 

I'm sure most of the women in this forum have gotten some advice about how to be safe on a date. Always tell someone when you're going out, who you'll be with, where you're going, when you're coming back. Make sure the date takes place in a well-lit, public space. Don't accept a drink that you didn't see the being poured. Etc. 

It's good advice, but it's reserved almost exclusively for women. This is because women face greater risks to their personal safety when they date. (And even if they don't, that's how people usually perceive it.) If women already have to treat every man as Schroedinger's Rapist, why would they want to expose themselves to the uncertainties of online dating? The practice is gaining popularity, but most people still have their doubts about meeting others online.


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## la la land (Jun 17, 2010)

In my personal experience on *No longer lonely* I did a scan for males in a 100 mile radius. About 4or5 more men than women. 

Lots of debating going on here. All i'm saying is... no matter how ugly a women is, there's always some guy willing to *do* her. The same can't be said for the ugly men:whip


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## la la land (Jun 17, 2010)

Oh yeah! Erm.... no.... i'm not gay btw Lol!(for doing the male scan)


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

la la land said:


> Lots of debating going on here. All i'm saying is... no matter how ugly a women is, there's always some guy willing to end her loneliness. The same can't be said for the ugly men:whip


fixed + true


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

la la land said:


> All i'm saying is... no matter how ugly a women is, there's always some guy willing to *do* her... the ugly guy, who is as desperate as she is.


Fixed.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

stranger25 said:


> fixed + true


Aw, that's sweet.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Magaly said:


> You're basically ruling out the possibility that a girl might have her sights set on a specific person, and may just have to make the first move, depending on the situation and the guys personality.


yes. I think my looks are acceptable, but plenty of times I found myself having to send the first message. maybe it's because of my age. who knows.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Cerberus said:


> a storm is coming. I can feel it in my bones.


You mean it's not here yet?


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