# No friends.



## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm a fourth year at university and this is my last year. Problem is, I haven't made any friends. It feels lonely sitting by yourself in a lecture hall with about 300 students. I don't know what to do or where I went wrong. I'm extremely shy but I have tried to put myself out there! Sometimes I find some conversations with people easy but it stays there. We're still only classmates. What's worse is that everyone else seems to be so social and surround themselves with other friends and plans. I'm always alone and I don't want others to know about that. Anyone with similar experiences?


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

have you set any goals for school? like choosing a major, perhaps? if you set some goals to complete during the semester, you can hook up with other students with similar goals and interests. might be a good start, then you can worm your way around the other students and connect more.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

http://succeedsocially.com/

I discovered this website recently. There is so much stuff on there that is worth reading. Check it out.


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## Matomi (Sep 4, 2011)

I'm in College atm and don't really have any friends. However, i just stand with some quiet person in my Course, we don't talk or anything but it's just so i'm not alone.


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## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

@rgrwng: Yes, well, don't know if it is much of a goal but I just want to finish the dissertation and the degree (majoring in economics) and get out of school as fast as possible. Mostly because I don't want to be alone and get uncomfortable in lecture halls due to the sheer amount of students. Don't get me wrong, I'm open to talk to people and have tried to work on my body language as not to scare people away but everything just stops at conversations. Sometimes I may even get invited somewhere, I go, and after awhile they just stop talking to me and I don't want to impose myself too much by sending them hundreds of texts. 

@ Lisa: Thanks, will check out the site 

@ Matomi: I'm pretty much the same, just that I don't have anyone to stand with....


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I haven't made any friends either (I'm in my 3rd year), but it's mostly due to the fact that I'm a commuter student.

I've made acquaintances and it's due to facebook. I know it tends to be seen as _the enemy_, but if you 'like' a comment of theirs or something they're into, it's easier to get conversations going in class before the prof arrives.

This has and will always be mentioned a lot, but clubs are also a good idea. 
Good luck!


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## awdgirl (Aug 15, 2011)

Find a job on campus...that helped me make friends. One left, though. The other ditched me for better friends. 

I know how you feel, though. I have no idea how to make friends other than just talk to someone daily and be patient... I know that is more difficult to do though


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Go you for talking to people in class! It's daunting but most of my friends (speaking as a transfer uni student) started there. The next "logical" step is getting together to study or something, if you're not comfortable chatting while leaving the lecture and walking partway to the next one if you're going in the same direction. I still talk to these people based on one spontaneous moment of confidence.


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## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

Thanks for the replies 

@AlltoAll: Actually, I've noticed the Facebook thing. But honestly, it ain't getting me anywhere. Sometimes I force myself to write to people (and I do) but all they usually just reply once and then they stop. I think FB is making it worse, since I feel even more of a failure when they don't reply... which happens too often. Thank you 

@awdgirl: Thank you for the pointers. Don't worry about the one that left. I usually say that it's not worthy having people as a friend if they don't like you for you  And you're right, it's way difficult to talk to someone 'cause that don't really automatically make them your friend...

@seafolly: It sounds easier than done >< I've actually tried this way too many times.. It's just that I'm easily discouraged when it doesn't lead anywhere and I just feel more miserable. I'm at the point where I've given up and don't know what to do anymore.


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## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm happy that people replied to this  I always thought I was the only one who felt this way (not that it's making me feel better that people are in the same situation), this is the first time I've acutally talked to someone about it. I have difficulties expressing myself and I've noticed that whenever I try to talk about this to people know they just really ignore it, change the subject or say that it's my fault for being so introverted. They never really try to help me... Of course, I never tell them that it's this bad since I try to hide the fact that I don't have friends. But I'm really at the point where I've pretty much have given up... so your words really made my day


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## awdgirl (Aug 15, 2011)

hey no problem. what has helped me is praying and asking God for help. I don't know if you are religious, but if you are, pray to God to bring you the right friends.

some people are predators...i dont want to scare you. so watch out for the crazy people that could probably take advantage of your situation. that happened to me. while i did grow from having this friendship, in the end i realized it was a toxic friendship. the person has strong psychopathic tendencies. Dont go around thinking everyone is crazy just beware and be careful.

you will make friends. another positive way to make friends is to say, "you can do it. yes you can" and you really can. join a club, get involved in an organization. there's got to be at least one other nice person there who will scoop you up.

also work on being an awesome friend yourself. not a push over or people pleaser, but a good friend. encouraging, uplifting, stand up for your friend when you can, don't be jealous, etc. etc. be kind...make sure you guys develop some fun moments together to look back on and laugh at...yeah, you can do it. ill be praying for you...i know it isn't easy. i had to deal with it myself.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

BK201 said:


> @seafolly: It sounds easier than done >< I've actually tried this way too many times.. It's just that I'm easily discouraged when it doesn't lead anywhere and I just feel more miserable. I'm at the point where I've given up and don't know what to do anymore.


Absolutely easier said than done! That's why I only managed a handful of times.  I totally hear you on feeling discouraged too. This is more common lately as I'm older now and really have no interest in the 20 year old girl beside me who's face is loaded with makeup and can't talk about anything but her plans to get drunk that weekend (seriously, where did these kids come from?). Last year the people I met were often through the school paper I started working for since they're more likely to be my age.


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## Mello (Oct 1, 2009)

BK201 said:


> I'm a fourth year at university and this is my last year. Problem is, I haven't made any friends. It feels lonely sitting by yourself in a lecture hall with about 300 students. I don't know what to do or where I went wrong. I'm extremely shy but I have tried to put myself out there! Sometimes I find some conversations with people easy but it stays there. We're still only classmates. What's worse is that everyone else seems to be so social and surround themselves with other friends and plans. I'm always alone and I don't want others to know about that. Anyone with similar experiences?


It's almost like your writing about me, I've tried to be more social too but I haven't been persistent I've given up to easy, and the more time goes by the deeper I sink into my silence, and the more I feel like I'm not going to get out of it. I feel like the only way for me to get out of this cycle is to take a brake from school and get some help.


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## destroyX (Nov 20, 2010)

Yea, my friendships can't get past the classmate phase either. I tried once and it almost happened but then they realized how broing I was and found another girl to hang out with who is more fun. Almost should be my middle name.


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## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

@awdgirl: Thank you for you kind words 

@seafolly: Did you join the news paper by yourself? I have thought a lot about joining societies and clubs but everytime when I'm so close to actually joining, I chicken out. I can't deal with too many people, and thinking about it makes me nervous :<

@Mello: I understand exactly what you are saying! It has been times when I pushed myself. I understand you situation exactly. I have myself considered quitting school or other ways to be able to free myself from it... Right now I just keep hoping that this year will past by so fast that I can just graduate.

@destroyX: I'm exactly the same! I don't know why I can't get past friendship stage, it's like no one wants to hang out with me. Sometimes I talk to people when you have to do groupwork... But it always seems like that's where we are going to stay, group mates, even if we have been working on a project for half a year... But other people seem to be able to take that relationship to another level...


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

BK201 said:


> @seafolly: Did you join the news paper by yourself? I have thought a lot about joining societies and clubs but everytime when I'm so close to actually joining, I chicken out. I can't deal with too many people, and thinking about it makes me nervous :<


Sure did! I contacted the editor saying I'd like to be one of their photographers and she was pretty enthusiastic about the idea. I explained to her that with my panic disorder, making meetings wasn't really a likely scenario, so what she did was she met me before or after a meeting one on one and we discussed the stories I could cover. She, by the way, became a friend.  My interactions with the team were minimal, whenever I felt strong enough. I'd often bump into the writer I was shooting for and say hello since we're there for the same reason. Sometimes they'd let me know they're taking a certain spin on an article so I'd keep that in mind when composing photographs. So I found a way to get involved but not to an extent that I found overwhelming.


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## BK201 (Sep 18, 2011)

seafolly said:


> Sure did! I contacted the editor saying I'd like to be one of their photographers and she was pretty enthusiastic about the idea. I explained to her that with my panic disorder, making meetings wasn't really a likely scenario, so what she did was she met me before or after a meeting one on one and we discussed the stories I could cover. She, by the way, became a friend.  My interactions with the team were minimal, whenever I felt strong enough. I'd often bump into the writer I was shooting for and say hello since we're there for the same reason. Sometimes they'd let me know they're taking a certain spin on an article so I'd keep that in mind when composing photographs. So I found a way to get involved but not to an extent that I found overwhelming.


Wow, that sounds like a dream come true! How nice  You're so brave for doing that


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

BK201 said:


> Wow, that sounds like a dream come true! How nice  You're so brave for doing that


Not at all! Referring to the bravery that is.  Well, okay, given my agoraphobic history I suppose it was a little out of the ordinary. But hey, free concerts!

It was a fluke though. I happened to be reading said paper and noticed the ad with "Photographer wanted" on it so I took a stab at it. Sometimes opportunities just fall into our laps I guess. The key is actually doing something about it. ^^


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## rigbieys (Sep 25, 2011)

i've only been here for a month but i'm pretty sure i'm going to be where you're at if i don't work my *** off at making friends.. i'm a foreign student from a pretty conservative society and this is a big transition. 

i think everyone here is on to something.. what i'm trying to do now is just force myself to talk to people if i've got any sort of reason to (e.g. same class, same club, friend of friend) and let any social ****ups happen (stuttering, turning red, saying stupid things). i see it as desensitization, basically. 

it's a difficult road, though. like, i know lots of people, and they recognize me whenever they see me, but i just don't have enough in common with them (i'm the artsy indie musician type--people don't really care about music these days).. so i often sit with people and run out of things to say quickly. or i sit alone at lunch, which happens frequently. it's one thing to get acquainted with people, i think, but another thing altogether to make them your friends.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Yes. It didn't bother me at all, actually, until convocation. That's when it hit me that not having friends in university is sort of abnormal.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

I am in college and never met any friends either. I only have acquaintances, so you are not alone. I just try to make it seem like I have a social life.


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## LuvNikkiB (Sep 28, 2011)

Same situation... I'll be a junior in Jan. I try to speak to and compliment people I know but for some odd reason these same people manage to go behind my back and say I'm weird... I don't know if it's my lack of conversation or what... I have one person that asks to hang out every one in a blue moon but she has her own set of friends and when I come around them things get pretty awkward ...


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I'm also really shy and I experienced the same thing. I just graduated from a community college and didn't make any friends when I got there, but I did meet some people. When I went there, I lived at home and commuted there so that didn't help much. 
My suggestion for you would be to try to become more involved in the college. If there's clubs or activities you're interested in, join them and you can meet like-minded people.


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## Abenthy (Oct 9, 2011)

Making friends for me would be a miracle. I am so awkward. I've isolated myself for years. I don't know how to interact with people, and my social stamina is pitiful.


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## MagusAnima (Mar 4, 2010)

(I'm back after a few months hiatus, I thought I got better, but no, I haven't.  )

I'm a fresher at my uni atm, been here for about 3 weeks, I haven't made any friends, and pretty much only say 'hi' to my flatmates and nothing else really. I don't really know what else there is to talk about.


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## pizzadude (Oct 11, 2011)

i'm a fourth year university student too and also have no friends. the really sad thing is that people tried to be friends with me over the years but i pushed all of them away because of my social anxiety. right now i am taking the semester off to try to deal with my horrible depression and anxiety -- i had a nervous breakdown at the end of the summer.


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## herz (Sep 12, 2011)

It's the same with me. I have no friends in college. At times I am fine with it, I like the solitude but then I realize it's just loneliness. I do try to talk to people in my classes, but it never goes beyond that. I always think what I will say, but never actually say anything. I try talking to my roommate, but lately she's doesn't even acknowledge my presence. It's my fault though. I drive people away when I do try to initiate a conversation because I never know what to say and they notice what a mess I am. It would be helpful if someone tells me if am trying too hard and should give up on the idea of having friends.


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## CoolUnderFire (Oct 11, 2011)

I'm in the exact same situation. As a matter of fact, if I didn't know better, I'd think I was the one who made this thread.

I'm about to graduate this year and I only have two friends, and they're not even that close with me. I hate thinking the whole university experience and living away from home was worth nothing.

Part of the reason I have no friends is my own fault. Most of the people here I have trouble relating to, so I end up missing oppurtunities to make friends because I dismiss people very quickly. I find most people rather annoying upon first impression.

My light at the end of the tunnel is that when I move out, I'll make friends in my neighbourhood or in my future place of employment. Who knows.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

You are definitely not alone. I think smiling will help - I'm less conscious about smiling and laughing. Noticeably ppl (team mates) are approaching me more often for a chat


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I went through uni barely speaking to anyone except for the people I lived with in halls of residence in my first year.
I tried going to societies and clubs but I didn't make so much as an acquaintence. Talking to people in classes I found extremely difficult as everyone seemed to have their cliques firmly made within the first few weeks.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

Knife said:


> I went through uni barely speaking to anyone except for the people I lived with in halls of residence in my first year.
> I tried going to societies and clubs but I didn't make so much as an acquaintence. Talking to people in classes I found extremely difficult as everyone seemed to have their cliques firmly made within the first few weeks.


Life at uni up to 23 was the same for me....I'm 25 now, maybe because I'm older but I'm able to relate to ppl. more, usually with small talk...who knows maybe by the time you're 25 you will feel more at ease with it all


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I hope so!


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