# Summary of getting over SA



## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

This will be a brief summary in point form. I just wanted to remind myself and hopefully help others on what I did. At a later date, I may make a post to expand on each point, and I may add some new points if I can think of any. This is just off the top of my head:

-I learned how to be comfortable around people, meaning physiologically. I didn't tense up my shoulders or have weird feelings in my stomach. I learned to be at ease.
-I kept using very logical and emotional statements to realize how irrational my fears and feelings were.
-I gradually immersed myself in social situations. I increased the anxious situations slowly without ever beating myself up if I didn't do it right.
-In the end I started taking charge of my life. Initially getting over SA (the above points), I was more relaxed and positive to myself, but after I felt comfortable in normal social situations, I started being more determined. I wanted to live the life I wanted. I became less timid because of this.
-One thing that has also helped me is to be very organized in my thoughts. I will often write things down, almost like a diary, so that I feel like there is more order in my life.

I think that anyone can get over SA. CBT seems to work best for most people. If you don't want a therapist, there are books etc where you can do it to yourself. Just make sure you are disciplined enough to do it.


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## Onkaparinga (Aug 1, 2010)

How did you increase the amount of social situations you were in eg. join clubs? 

Or were you lucky enough to have friends and family to help you?


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

There were no friends or family that helped me with this. When I first started to increase social situations it was mostly in places like malls, bookstores, coffee shops etc. Being totally comfortable with the people who worked there was the first step. After that, you can increase the "level" by either talking to people who are just kind of standing around or join clubs.


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## Onkaparinga (Aug 1, 2010)

Relaxation said:


> When I first started to increase social situations it was mostly in places like malls, bookstores, coffee shops etc. Being totally comfortable with the people who worked there was the first step. After that, you can increase the "level" by either talking to people who are just kind of standing around or join clubs.


I hope I can master talking "to people who are just kind of standing around". It can be intimidating as they're there on their own business and not necessarily wanting to talk to me. But a skill worth having a go at.


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

I was thinking about this a bit more and another one I would like to add is that it's important to see yourself as the type of person you want to be first. Instead of talking to someone scared, I think it's better to see yourself as a person who is more outgoing and expressive. If you can shift your identity of yourself, behavior follows very easily.


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## Onkaparinga (Aug 1, 2010)

For me part of it is attitude, I have to keep up the attitude of wanting to talk to people and create interesting conversation. Experience and practice helps, and for me things like self-maintenance so I feel that I'm easier to look at, and being better with eye contact (I've had an entrenched avoidance of eye contact). People aren't so much "something's wrong with this guy". The important ingredient for myself (I'm unemployed) is having activities to go to (helps if they're run by social workers for people with mental health issues) and someone (supportive) to talk to at least once a week.

That reminds me, taking up an instrument is a good thing to do, several months ago I took up the Trombone again after not playing it for 15 years and as of next week I will be doing 2 music-related activities per week and 2 per fortnight.


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## langb (Aug 9, 2010)

Relaxation said:


> This will be a brief summary in point form. I just wanted to remind myself and hopefully help others on what I did. At a later date, I may make a post to expand on each point, and I may add some new points if I can think of any. This is just off the top of my head:
> 
> -I learned how to be comfortable around people, meaning physiologically. I didn't tense up my shoulders or have weird feelings in my stomach. I learned to be at ease.
> -I kept using very logical and emotional statements to realize how irrational my fears and feelings were.
> ...


congradulations on recovering from SA!
which books did you use btw


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## neeko (Aug 9, 2010)

What is CBT?


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

^^CBT stands for Cognitive Behavirol Therapy. It was popularized by Albert Ellis, but it has roots back to the ancient greeks.

It essentially centers around counter acting unproductive/thoughts thoughts and reinterpreting them in unbiased more useful way. Go to the library, you can find numerous books on it. It is quite effective. 






Question: how are you with dating? On most days I do okay, but that is one thing I really have a hard time with. It seems like I have every excuse in the book.


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

sherbert said:


> Question: how are you with dating? On most days I do okay, but that is one thing I really have a hard time with. It seems like I have every excuse in the book.


Can you be more specific? Like what aspect of dating is giving you the most trouble?

Onkaparinga: yes I think it's a great idea to take up hobbies and interests. It's easier to feel confident when you are invested in your own life. The more assertive you are with going after things you want, the more that carries over to other areas as well.

Another point I want to add to my summary is that when I feel better, it's like I have forgotten about my past. When I was in school, I used to be unpopular and low status. When I feel confident, I feel like those past feelings are not there. There can be negative anchors that bring me back in the past, like music. The best way to not dwell on the past is to be optimistic and ambitious about the future. Get your life together by working on goals you care about. Accept your flaws and move forward.


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