# Fat. Fat. Fat. I'm just so FAT.



## raindrops on roses (Feb 18, 2014)

Well I usually don't post about myself in this part of the forums because I don't like having to throw pity parties for myself, but I feel like if I hold back from posting any longer, then I'll do something incredibly stupid and ruin my life, lol. So, here goes nothing. 
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Just right off the bat, let me mention my stats. I'm 14, 5"3 and weigh 85 lbs, and I have a very small bone structure/build. I even have that stupid thigh gap thing everyone likes to talk about. My BMI is 15-16 which is an underweight BMI. I always used to think I was skinny and beautiful, but when I was 12 or so I hit puberty and naturally began to start growing out some curves. This didn't change my views about myself, I still thought I looked OK. 
I mean, until my mom began to fat-shame me, constantly. At first I did what everyone suggested: Ignore it, no one can push your buttons if you don't let them. And at first this worked. But only for so long you can keep up a protective shield, eventually her words brought me down and when I looked into the mirror I saw a fat, over-weight girl. I began to check my weight on the scale compulsively. Amazingly, I didn't develop an eating disorder.
My mom liked to point out clothes that didn't fit me anymore, and was quick to point out when I took an extra serving of food. And she still does.

I kind of started pointing this out to her recently. "Mom, it kind of makes me feel bad about myself when you say these things, could you please stop".Things like that. But she always responds coldly with things like "Well you are fat, I'm just pointing it out" and "Do you realize how fat you're getting?" "You'll become obese at this rate!" "You're blowing up like a balloon!" Often accompanied by swears and a lengthy lecture on weight. She also compares me to my sister, who's 2 years younger than me and obviously weighs less. "Look at how skinny your sister is" my mom says.

And when I'm hungry I often want more than 1 serving (most always 2 servings of food and 3 if I'm starving) of food. Well, my mom thinks that no matter how hungry you are you should limit yourself to just 1 serving...whenever I grab an extra slice of pizza she's always like "You're growing you need to eat more healthy" and "If you eat this way you'll blow up like aballoon (that's one of her fave sayings by the way)." Sometimes she doesn't intentionally tell me I'm fat but when I point it out she follows up with an intentional fat-shaming. So now I don't point out when she fat-shames me, because I HATE HATE HATE getting yelled at, and my mom knows it and uses it to her advantage.

She also plays the guilt card on me. "Don't you know how hard I work? I stay home all day and cook and clean and put a roof over your head and you just eat like a f***ing pig all day! The least you can do is stay skinny!" And I point out that she was making me feel a little guilty and she screamed that "Guilty? What's 'guilty'? You're young! You don't feel guilt!" -So just because I'm younger than you means I lack emotion. Ok then, live with your stupid flawed science.

And I was once wearing this shirt that I've been wearing for 3 years and she told me "Wow you're getting so fat, I can see that you used to look stick thin in that shirt now you look obese." I cried that day. :afr

Help guys, I don't know what to think anymore...please :sigh :rain
I just want to curl up and hide nowadays. :hide


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## AReflectionsEye (Feb 15, 2014)

That is completely unacceptable behavior by your mom in so many ways. I am sorry you have to deal with that.

Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about it with? Not sure what your family situation is but like your dad or an aunt/uncle/grandparent? Even a school counselor if none of the other options would work?

It is not right for her to say things like that and someone has to talk to her about. Until then, do not even take notice to it. So uncalled for that it doesn't even deserve to be acknowledged by you.


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## Ivy60 (Aug 16, 2013)

Sorry to say this, but it sounds like your mom has serious issues.
Please don't let her get under your skin. You are by no means fat, and it is completely wrong for your mom to say those things.
...and if my mom said those things to me, I would honestly run away and go live under a bridge.


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## Meli24R (Dec 9, 2008)

Wow that is horrible, I'm sorry. To be honest, your mother sounds like she has a severe eating disorder/mental issues herself. You're already underweight, does she want you to be anorexic? No one in their right mind would think 85 pounds at 5'3" is anywhere near fat. Although it's not acceptable for any parent to talk to their kid this way no matter how much they weigh. It's emotionally abusive.


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## gamjjong (Feb 21, 2014)

*that's pure s****

You're not fat and i bet my head to that. Second, as someone said you need to talk about this with a trusted person. It is a blessing if until this time didn't cause you any disorder , but I think is necessary stop. You can't live like this, and I'm pretty sure your mom don't realize she is hurting you... she has really weird ideas about skinny person.
Talk with someone! Don't be silent!:yes:yes
(and your mom probably need to talk with a specialist, just saying...).:|


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## meowtsetung (Mar 3, 2013)

You're not even close to being fat.

Frankly, I wouldn't even tell her anymore that she is hurting your feelings. It sounds like she wants to hurt your feelings. She gets power from bullying you.

Your mom sounds like a ***** with some loose screws. As in, actually crazy. If you think about her in terms of being sick like a dog with rabies instead of a person, it might help you cope until you're old enough to move out.

And yeah, that's a harsh way to describe a relative, but what she is doing is straight up abuse, and you shouldn't have to put up with that.

If I were in this situation, I would

A. avoid being at home as much as possible. Take the city bus, bike, or get rides with friends until you can get your driver's license. Do homework at the library, join school clubs, hang out with friends, get a job. Whatever it takes. Try to avoid being home for long stretches at a time, especially during the summer. See if there are any study abroad options available to you for summers or during the year as a high school student. Being busy elsewhere means less opportunities for her to get on your nerves.

Your mother will probably get angry at you for having a life elsewhere because it means loss of control on her part, but you can always throw stuff back in her face:

"You complain about how much it costs to take care of me, so I got a job. You can't have it both ways. Stop the manipulation."

"I'm doing homework after school so I can get into a good college. Why is it you don't want me to succeed in life? Only unfit parents want their children to fail. Do you want everyone at my school to think you're a bad mother? My teachers and principal will want to know why you are preventing me from achieveing success."

B. When she starts in on the fat remarks, you can alternate between ignoring her and leaving the room (with your second helping of food in hand, of course), and snapping back at her to stop the abusive behavior. You can also question her motives.

"Why are you so obsessed with food? Do you have a psychological problem?"

"You point out my sexual development as fat. Your jealously is annoying. Sorry you're aging, but that's not my problem."

"Bullying isn't cool, Mom. Neither is emotional abuse and namecalling a 14 year old girl. That's not what good parents do."

These comments won't go over well.  But that's the point. Alternate avoiding her with standing up to her so she never knows what's coming her way. The idea is to show her that you are not afraid of her and to expose her for what she is: a mentally off-balance bully who is jealous of her teenage daughter and resorts to abuse and insults to try to control her.

Meanwhile:

C. Start a written log recording the stuff she says, when she says it, what day and time, etc. This is something you can provide as evidence to authorities in case things escalate.

D. Record voice / video of her using your mobile phone or other device. Archive it. This too can be used in case things escalate to prove your side because with emotional and verbal abuse, it is your word against the abuser's.

Don't let her know you have C or D. Keep them hidden someplace she won't find them.

E. If she continues, then make her life a living hell with your evidence. You may be able to use it for legal purposes. You can certainly get DSS (Domestic Social Services) and your school involved, especially if she gets physical about it. There is also the opportunity to embarass her publicly with it on Youtube, Facebook, etc. in front of everyone she knows. 

I would only do this as a last resort, though. You will be better off if you can limit your time around her, stand up to her, refuse to allow her to control you, and find an exit strategy for moving out in the long term.

Good luck, girl. Sorry you're in this situation.


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## FunkyFedoras (Aug 30, 2013)

Like other people said, your mom doesn't sound like she has it all together up there...not sure why she would say things like that but like you said, you're underweight. Sorry she doesn't let you eat more.


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## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

What your mom said is so wrong. You should never believe what other people say. If you think you are beautiful you are. Curves do look good on women. I really dont mind dating a curvy women. I am all for real women instead of the stick thin women that is in the media.


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## eren (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry but I think someone needs to slap some sense into your mom's head.
Nope, you're not fat. If you are I must be obese. We're about the same weight and I'm an inch shorter.


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## hippomeow (Jul 28, 2013)

A mother is supposed to support, love and cherish you, don't bring you down and verbally abuse you. 
You are most definitely not fat, you dont need to change, she does. 
You need to tell someone (preferably an adult) about what she is doing.


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## xlavenderx (Feb 23, 2014)

My step mother and father were like this... it's NOT healthy to be around. I would seriously talk to somebody about it. It might seem scary, like you're "ratting" on your mom, but if she's not listening to you - I mean, this isn't a joke. It's a serious thing. You're a growing girl and you need freaking food. Your mom is projecting her own issues on you. I would really talk to a counselor about what's going on. You're not an animal and you shouldn't have to feel like you're scavenging for food. That's a terrible feeling and I speak from experience. I would even let your mom know that you know this is wrong and are considering talking to someone about it if she doesn't ease up - who knows, maybe in her head she thinks she's protecting you from something, but there's absolutely no reason for her to say those things to you.


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## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

you're 83 pounds? 0.0 No offence but wow...this is NOT FAT. more like underweight...hate to be mean, but please eat a bit more..


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Your mum is a *****. Is there a counseling service at your school? Or a teacher you can talk to? Or an aunt? You need better adults to help you. More understanding ones.

My dad was a bit like this. But now I don't live with him anymore I just eat whatever the **** I want and when he comments on my weight I ignore him.


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## nebulaghost (Feb 18, 2014)

Not even close of being fat, I am 15 YO and weight 119 KG, your mother should stop with this kind of behavior.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Even if you were overweight, that is still inadmissible behaviour on your mother's part. Continue to take a stand against her. Don't allow her to make those mean, false statements without letting her know with every word how much she is hurting you. Talk to your sister about it if you can; perhaps she will side with you and come to your aide whenever your mum insults you. Sounds like your mum is taking out her own dissatisfaction with life on you, which is not at all acceptable for any human being to do, let alone a parent.


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## Melodies0fLife (Sep 17, 2012)

Really?? Really?? Your mom actually, verbally calls you fat directly into your face?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Maybe you should show your mom what obese and fat actually looks like. Maybe it'll go through her head then.

Has your mom ever had issues with weight herself? Maybe she's projecting her insecurities onto you?


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## crazy baby (Nov 29, 2011)

Wow, your mom is a *****. It sounds like she has some serious mental health issues. Seriously. It is definitely not okay for her to talk to you like that. 

You are farrrrr from fat. I'm the same height as you, and used to weigh the same, and people were always telling me I looked skeletal and sick from being so thin. So really sweetheart, don't believe a word your mother says. Please try not to let it get you down. She has mental problems, for whattever reason.

Just remember that you are absolutely beautiful. Please stay strong. You know in your heart that your mother is wrong and messed up. Don't let her get you down. Let your inner light shine bright, please.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

That's not even fat.


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## invisibleisadora (Mar 3, 2014)

When I was 13 , my body started to change and I gained some weight. I was still skinny but my school friends called me fat all the time. I felt so bad! God knows the grief I went through because of them. I used to cry almost everyday. My self-esteem went soooo down that I almost developed an eating disorder. Even today I suffer about my weight , even though I'm not fat, I don't feel ok about my body. 
Dear, please , don't end up like me! You're not fat at all , try not to take your mother's criticism too seriously because they don't make any sense! Only look at the mirror and see how pretty you are. You're perfect! Don't believe in what your mom says! You have to be strong because your health depends on this.


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## conners (Dec 1, 2013)

You are 83 POUNDS! You are 14 years old, you are going through puberty.. of course you will start to get curves and boobs.

Your mum probably isn't saying you are fat she's just telling you to eat healthy.


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## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

What's the thigh gap thing all the sudden? I've never heard anyone talk about this in person just on stupid tumble.


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## NE1CME (Sep 17, 2011)

I'm a guy, so it's probably different for me, but I went from 100 pounds to 150 in the past year. I'm only 5'5", so 150 is big for me. Though I swear, most of it went to my butt...

Anyway, a guy I work with said I was "looking chunky". My weight has always bothered me, even when I was skinny. But I just patted my belly and said "yep" and he hasn't commented on it since then. I think if you act like it doesn't bother you, they'll tend to leave you alone.


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