# Effects of being single for a LONG time?



## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

*What happens to people who NEVER experience relationships when they get old (age 50+)?*

What are the effects of being denied such a basic human need for 50+ years?

Do people with severe SA live long lives or do we voluntarily enter the darkness before age 50?

Do we develop additional psychological disorders and/or become insane?

Are there any members of this forum over 50 who have NEVER been in a relationship?


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

My guess would be that they have learned to deal with it for so long that it doesn't affect them at all anymore.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

-


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

RubyTuesday said:


> Well I'm turning 30 soon, and I know for a fact that I'm really horny.
> 
> ... :shock :um .... :b opcorn


Join the club! :lol


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

I've been single, married, had several long term relationships and short term. I am single by choice. 

I think the problems would be the same for someone that has been in a relationship and one that has never experienced one. I think as we get older, we get more comfortable in our skin, we like aspects in our home to remain the same, I don't like my schedule toyed with.

The hardest part for me, would be, getting married, having someone move in with me, where I would have to share closet space, possiblity picking up after someone else (say a wet towel) toothpaste in the sink, it's the little things, it really is. Then you have to consider someone else, what time they like eating, what they like eating, what, you don't like hot dogs for breakfast and pancakes for dinner, too bad;-)))

"why is this on the counter, it goes in the cupboard."...

You get used to coming and going as you please, even if it's to the corner store, you get used to buying what you want, without answering to anyone.


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## RacerX (Jun 12, 2006)

I'm only 21 and i've already developed serious aggression problems.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

I thought there was a study that found married people were determined to be happier and in turn healthier. I'm too lazy to look for it and finding it won't benefit my health :b so...

Married people on average get laid more than single people.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I've been on my own for so long that I think I would find it very difficult to live with someone.


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## eekmd (Jun 19, 2005)

An obvious result would be depression and low self-esteem. 
I haven't had an actual date in a few years, and I certainly don't feel as if I'd be a "catch" for someone else anymore.... (once upon a time, i felt I had at least a little bit of appeal to the opposite sex)

Also, I think after a while, people just give up on the hope of ever having a relationship.


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## taglog7 (Dec 26, 2007)

man i am 18 and never had a gf
i just dont get how people meet up like that
I have not completely givin up
but i just dont really try cuz i am pretty good right now


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Amocholes said:


> I've been on my own for so long that I think I would find it very difficult to live with someone.


Yeah, that's what I meant;-)

But remember, I don't leave whiskers in the sink;-)


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I'm predicting right now that my porn collection is probably going to be massive by age 50. :yay


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

> Effects of being single for a LONG time?


only two things that i've noticed. my bank account has never been this high and i've learned how to use both hands :clap


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

shyvr6 said:


> My guess would be that they have learned to deal with it for so long that it doesn't affect them at all anymore.


Hmmm&#8230;maybe that is why we rarely see SA members over the age of 50.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Amocholes said:


> I've been on my own for so long that I think I would find it very difficult to live with someone.


I had ten years in between my marriages, and it actually was rather difficult to readjust living with someone again. Our first year of marriage was actually quite rough. Its great now but it took a lot of work to get there.

I think what is being said about getting more comfortable as you get older is very true.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I lived with a girl for a couple years, but it was only tolerable to me because we didn't see each other very often and she didn't become dependent on me.

I can't imagine a relationship. It sounds like exactly what I don't want when it comes to dependence and putting one's happiness in the hands of another.


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

The answer to the threads question : The effects of being single for a long time:

You turn into someone like me. (And Im only 22 yrs old)

Split personality, increased bitterness, increased misanthropy, and general anti-social thoughts.

In other words, you go coockoo. So you'd better stop being single as soon as possible, time is not on your side.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Nihlanth  :hug
I still can't pronounce your username, but you're still cool. 

I'm 32, never dated, never been in a relationship. Right now, I am finding out things about myself that I couldn't find if I was in a relationship. I have a lot of living to do (thanks Depend! j/k :lol), and there is a lot I really want to experience by myself.

When I see people getting drunk, I see a hangover the next morning.
When I see a "happy couple", I see an argument and cold shoulders.


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## Beryl (Jan 9, 2007)

What happens without relationships or sex past 50?

Take a look at what catholic priests do.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> When I see a "happy couple", I see an argument and cold shoulders.


There is truth in that but then there are cases like mine. After many failed relationships, including a failed marriage, I am in a happy marriage. No cold shoulders here. There is nothing wrong with being single, esp if you feel that is the right thing for you at a certain time. But having a relationships can be a good thing, believe it or not.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Penny said:


> millenniumman75 said:
> 
> 
> > When I see a "happy couple", I see an argument and cold shoulders.
> ...


Very true.

If you truly want to be single, that's great, but if you're telling yourself you want to be single out of fear, it's not.

I often hear "I'm not ready, I have to work on me first" this is true with certain aspect, however, some times you just have to jump in cause you're always going to have problems, always. I want to be alone right now, I've been thinking about this, I really don't know why, it's strange.

Back to what Penny said. Some of us here, around the age of 29 oke (that's my story) have been through a lot, a lot of pain, bad relationships, at the time, you think your world is ending, yet, it's only making you stronger, as you recover, you learn about you, what role you played, you can learn from your mistakes, see if you have a pattern, I truly think wrong relationships can prepare you for the right person.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

RubyTuesday said:


> Well I'm turning 30 soon, and I know for a fact that I'm really horny.
> 
> ... :shock :um .... :b opcorn


I could help you out with that.


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## gozinsky (Mar 11, 2008)

I seem to keep getting angrier the longer I go without getting any. It's been too long. **** social anxiety.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I've experienced the opposite effect, gozinsky. Then again, my abilities of repression are ridiculously powerful. I don't even know if any desires exist or not in regards to romance/sex. If they do, they are ridiculously buried.. such that I can't even pretend to bring anything back even when I try.


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> Nihlanth  :hug
> I still can't pronounce your username, but you're still cool.
> 
> I'm 32, never dated, never been in a relationship. Right now, I am finding out things about myself that I couldn't find if I was in a relationship. I have a lot of living to do (thanks Depend! j/k :lol), and there is a lot I really want to experience by myself.
> ...


Thanks, thousandyearman75, really glad to know that you think Im 'cool'. Was about to start getting all misanthropyish again 

Damn, I mis-pronounced your name 

Nah, it's ok, many people find it a pain in the rear end to pronounce my name and I like that since I like seeing people suffer >), j/k!

the "Nih" part you can either pronounce it as a soft "i" like "fin" or you can pronounce it like a hard "i" like "feel". "Neelanth" or "Nehlanth". Whichever you feel like. But I pronounce it lazily like th "i" in "fin".

The "lanth" part you can pronounce like "lawnth"

And that is how you pronounce my name  Your tongue sore yet?

But yeah, you're right, you find out alot of things about yourself but same can be said if you were in a relationship (depends on the nature of the relationship though).

[/start tacky Dr. Phill-ish rant]
I wouldnt have so much trouble finding a relationship if I didnt have Social phobia and was actually able to find a girl that is compatible with me. That is the key, compatibility at all levels. But I can't find out if she's compatible if I dont take the initiative to get to know her, so thats where I get stuck.

I was actually desperate enough to try asking a girl out on a date two months ago (she worked behind the counter at a soup cafe/restaurant) , but she was married and had a kid. So I gave up and was discouraged easily and haven't tried asking anyoneout since then as I get drained of energy and my attitude goes to the crapper after coming home from work (although I like my job) and taking classes. So then I dont really feel like dating since I'm not in the mood for being nice and empathetic at all.

Seems to happen a lot. Most of the nice, attractive ones are already married. (No offense to the ones that aren't !) Everytime I meet one that I really connect with and can hold funny conversations with (which only happens once every apocalypse), BAM! Out pops the mentioning of two 5 yearolds and a husband outta nowhere. I just accept the fact that a nice pretty girl isnt going to stay single for even a split second and always has a queue of guys waiting to pick her up. Same goes for the girls that are looking for a guy, one "alpha" guy has a bunch of girls queued up for him.

Then what happens, is that the girl and guy at the top of the social ladder/ food chain find each other eventually and have a great life, while the guys and girls that were waiting in the queues become bitter, empty, hopeless after being rejected by the alpha male/female. they become psychologically traumatized so they reject the guys/girls from the other queue because they set too high of a standard since they know that the average guys/girls will never live up to the alpha guy/girl. What's more, is that they will constantly have the alpha guy/girl in their minds/dreams which means they will never be truley happy with anyone. This means that most of the less 'desirable' people are left single, angry and lonely for the rest of their lives, or at least, for a very very long time. Of course, the situation is not as simple and black-and-white as Alphas versus non-alphas, as there are many classes and complex branchings in between; but you catch my drift 

The question is: How high/low is your standards for a mate? Will you settle for nothing less than ideal? I know for a fact that I dont/wont settle. Which is exactly the problem stated above. [/end tacky Dr. Phill-ish rant]

Arrgghh, gotta stop typing, feeling too constipated right now.
[/makes fart noise]
[/runs to the bathroom]


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

It depends on how that person feels about their situation. Deprivation in regards to having a close friend and lover is not something to look on an objective level. I know that being deprived of such leads to constant feelings of preoccupation and distraction. I get depression, low self-esteem, increased social anxiety, anger, bitterness, overwhelming desire to experience physical affection and sex. I think acceptance along with strong feelings of anger would predominate by the time you hit 50. Oh well.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

...


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

Nihlanth : I like your take on the alpha male/female thing. I think the longer you wait the more you fantasize about the 'perfect' gorgeous girl falling for you, when in reality it will never happen. I have to admit I am guilty of this behavior in the past and I know it's superficial and shallow.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

Nihlanth said:


> Seems to happen a lot. Most of the nice, attractive ones are already married. (No offense to the ones that aren't !) Everytime I meet one that I really connect with and can hold funny conversations with (which only happens once every apocalypse), BAM! Out pops the mentioning of two 5 yearolds and a husband outta nowhere.


 :ditto 
Whenever I meet a lady I like, they have a boyfriend/husband and/or kids.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

Woody said:


> > What happens to people who NEVER experience relationships when they get old (age 50+)?
> > What are the effects of being denied such a basic human need for 50+ years?
> > Do people with severe SA live long lives or do we voluntarily enter the darkness before age 50?
> > Do we develop additional psychological disorders and/or become insane?
> ...


 :clap :boogie *Congratulations!!*


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

ardrum said:


> I've experienced the opposite effect, gozinsky. Then again, my abilities of repression are ridiculously powerful. I don't even know if any desires exist or not in regards to romance/sex. If they do, they are ridiculously buried.. such that I can't even pretend to bring anything back even when I try.


I envy you in that respect.


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## trey (Nov 26, 2007)

LonelyEnigma said:


> What happens to people who NEVER experience relationships when they get old (age 50+)?


Bliss? :rofl

Watched my parents in a crappy marriage my entire life. 
Watched my sister's wedding date get broken off due to the fiance cheating.
Watched my friends struggle through relationships, the only "successful" one to date being one friend who had an affair with her married boss, they now live together with 2 kids (he left his wife after she miscarried).

I have never had a girlfriend, I've never even been on a single date. 
I've been asked out, but I never went.

The divorce rate in marriages in North America is around 40%... that's almost half of all marriages. If you had children you now have a custody battle, child support, visitation, damaged child-parent relationships. You may have sacrificed your career for your spouse and now can't support yourself. In the finances you take a hit due to everything being divided, and may end up paying alimony which brings a continuous hit. Your age of retirement is going to slip.

The effects of someone never being involved in relationships by the time they're 50+, I would assume, is going to be varying degrees of depression (from nonexistent to severe), and loneliness.

The effects of someone being involved in a failed relationship by the time they're 50+ is going to cause the same two symptoms there, plus a whole whack of potential financial strains, loss of child (due to losing the custody battle), potential alienation of friends (since many would have be friends to the couple and may fade back or choose the other spouse), etc.

Just because someone has been involved in a relationship doesn't mean things are going to be better for them. The list of complaints owned by a person without relationship is going to be far shorter than the list of complaints owned by someone who was involved in a failed serious relationship. Basically they need to start over at whatever age that relationship ended. At 50+ it's pretty far along to have to do that.

I for one am extremely happy I'm not going to have to ever deal with much of the above.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Very good points, trey. When people fantasize about relationships, they rarely are fantasizing, "Wow, I really wish I could experience a divorce/cheating/fighting/getting annoyed with someone in a relationship!"

I saw recently a study suggesting that HAPPILY married people are, on average, happier than single people... but UNHAPPILY married people are, on average, significantly less happy than single people. Since marriages fail about half the time (not counting unmarried couples breaking up), being single isn't a bad situation to be in at all! :yes


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## Michael Scofield (Feb 29, 2008)

At this point not being single would only jeopardize everything else I have going on in my life. I can't afford the extra stress and it makes me just avoid the SA in favor of taking on other things. Unfortunately, this is a repeating cycle and it seems I'll always put it off.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

trey said:


> LonelyEnigma said:
> 
> 
> > What happens to people who NEVER experience relationships when they get old (age 50+)?
> ...


That's a nice way to think about a life without relationships, and it is legitimate.

About 9/10 adults at my work over 30 have been married and divorced, pay child support, are single mothers/fathers, and/or have multiple kids from different relationships.

Some of them seem to be OK&#8230;..but others are extremely bitter.


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