# No desire to speak



## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

Hi  I may be wrong about it being a secondary disorder but does anyone overhere feel no particular desire to talk? I cultivate the dream of meeting a friend kind of 'alter ego' with whom silence wouldn't be uncomfortable, and with whom i could go to the movies, listen to music, hang out in a park or travel to different places... Anyone can relate?


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## wnt2chng (Dec 21, 2011)

I can relate. I take it as being a part of SA. My co-worker has adhd and talks contantly. Riding with him in the work truck is torture.


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

Lol i can imagine ^^' Does he expect you to respond though? Some people babble away but don't really expect an answer from you, which is actually better because at least you don't come across as a boring person (when you're not in the mood for social effort).


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Yeah, I can relate. I just feel as though most of the time I'm talking solely to fill up the silence. Nothing of value or interest ever comes from my social interactions, it's just talking for the sake of talking. 

I'm sure a lot of people here will have experienced what you're talking about; in itself it's a core symptom of the disorder. I don't see why craving conversation should be seen as any kind of indication of how normal you are. The challenge for me was finding someone with whom I could overcome that; finding someone who I actually enjoyed talking to. And yeah, it's entirely possible.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Doriis said:


> Hi  I may be wrong about it being a secondary disorder but does anyone overhere feel no particular desire to talk? I cultivate the dream of meeting a friend kind of 'alter ego' *with* *whom silence wouldn't be uncomfortable, and with whom i could go to the movies, listen to music, hang out in a park or travel to different places*... Anyone can relate?


Sounds good. I wish I could meet someone like that.


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## Hallucinating Zebra (Jul 4, 2011)

...


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

*kiirby*- I do that too, talking just for the sake of talking, but because i feel pressurized in having to do so. 
I thought that SA made people unable to communicate properly, or to communicate at all? Which is not my case, i can talk but most of the time have no interest in doing it. Maybe you're right, it's possible to overcome this by finding someone interesting :/

*leave me alone*- Well if it was geographically possible, we could probably hang out! 

*Hallucinating Zebra*- Exactly! I'm trying my best to participate in conversations though 'cause people aren't generally comfortable around quiet people, but sometimes i just think it's nice to shut up.

Thanks for your feedback


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Yeah I can be the same a lot of the time.


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## ShyGirl123 (Jan 10, 2012)

I rarely ever talk, and most of the time ignore my teachers when they say something to me....


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## DrMarianus (Dec 21, 2011)

The problem is that I can only engage in lenghty conversations about substantial matters: history, politics, society, etc. But these topics should be avoided. I know plenty of people who will talk to me about these things, but I want to practice smalltalk. That is however something I'm completely incapable of.

I often fear that I'll never learn how to have fun.


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## Matomi (Sep 4, 2011)

I can relate to that.
I think it's mainly because i'm alone a lot of time.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I sometimes get that. Some days I don't want to talk or I will mumble stuff.


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## jon 29 uk (Sep 14, 2011)

i can relate too


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Doriis said:


> Hi  I may be wrong about it being a secondary disorder but does anyone overhere feel no particular desire to talk? I cultivate the dream of meeting a friend kind of 'alter ego' with whom silence wouldn't be uncomfortable, and with whom i could go to the movies, listen to music, hang out in a park or travel to different places... Anyone can relate?


Yes.... and you live near me. *brain goes into stalker like fantasy mode*

But seriously, I've dreamed about having a partner like that. So I'm not the only one..

I really just can't be bothered to talk most of the time. A friend who I don't really msn with anymore kept asking me to voice chat, I thought I was weird for not being able to. I mean, yeah I guess I am. I talk to myself and laugh in real life, but.. I've just not got used to it. Talking is actually exhausting. My voice will eventually go. Because I am actually a terminator



DrMarianus said:


> The problem is that I can only engage in lenghty conversations about substantial matters: history, politics, society, etc. But these topics should be avoided. I know plenty of people who will talk to me about these things


yeah
compounding the problem for me is I don't talk about myself, I just go and read stuff online or watch films, anime etc

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasocial_interaction


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## PitaMe (Sep 3, 2008)

I feel like that a lot lately, but I think its because I'm a little depressed. When your depressed you can't make small talk about yourself because life isn't going the way you want it to go. So instead of talking about my issues I just nod and smile.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

oh also

I automatically sing along to Relient K songs because.. because the lyrics are clear, and they're good songs. yeah... I don't talk in real life apart from Relient K songs? true story

would be cool to spend time with someone like that. But what would you do. Because cinema etc are over-expensive and so on, and what if the second person gets bored of the film? I never thought it through. lol


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## Dennyno (Jan 9, 2012)

I developed something similar lately....


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## Lostinsilence (Sep 15, 2011)

I can soooo relate to that op, I dream of having a friend like that. Where we just understand on a deeper level that small talk is unnecessary and pointless for the most part. That would be the most ideal friend, no pressure and no expectations. One can only dream of that 'special person'.(YAY!! 100th post!!!)


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I used to doubt my desire to speak to others at certain times, but now I am convinced it is out of lack of interest mainly...most the time i have no interest in talking to strangers without any connection of any personal interests of mine


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

Wow :') seeing these answers made my day, thank you guys!

*DrMarianus*: At least you have something interesting to talk about and don't waste your time with smalltalk banalities, because that's what it is most of the time. However I must admit that talking only about heavy subjects isn't everyone's cup of tea. There are other ways of enjoying ourselves anyways 

*jg43i9jghy0t4555*: As you can see we're not alone indeed  As for the voice chat, i don't do that neither. It always end up awkwardly because i'm too exhausted to speak. 
I just discovered Relient K -thanks! Well the movie should be chosen by both of the people right? Hmmm what other activities are possible? I don't know, i can think of so many random stuff but that wouldn't necessarily interest my partner. I'm open-minded so wouldn't bother doing anything anyways.

*Kristie26*: Yeah i get what you mean... i'm not depressed though, just a bit pessimistic about life. I'm sure you'll overcome your depression, shouldn't let it ruin your life.

*Lostinsilence*: That's exactly what i mean! No pressure no expectations, just two people that are spritually connected  But the majority is so obsessed with playing by society's rules that it's difficult to meet these kind of people. Congrats for your 100th post, i'm honoured it was posted in this thread 

*bwidger85*: Are you only disinterested in talking with people or in life as a whole?

*wrongnumber*: Oooh that actually makes sense! Good to know. I'm a pretty lazy person and tend to always be tired... didn't think of that as a source of my lack of interest in talking.


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## artynerd (Sep 3, 2011)

Yeah, thats how it was like while i was developing depression. 

That sympton started to appear and I was changing from how I used to be. 

I talk differently from the old me and i just changed alot. 

If you continue to let it festered, you may get used to it. Im not sure if you like it or not. But if theres anything upsetting you, try change whatever it is so you can be that talky person.


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

artynerd said:


> Yeah, thats how it was like while i was developing depression.
> 
> That sympton started to appear and I was changing from how I used to be.
> 
> ...


I don't have the feeling that in my case it is due to depression. It upsets me sometimes but because i'm not like other people and it causes me trouble when i have to interact socially. However, i don't mind it that much... :/ :blank


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## Olesya (May 8, 2011)

yea, these days (and it's been going on for some time now) I don't feel like talking much. It feels like I need to be silent for now (or for whatever time). I have so many thoughts and discussions in my mind, and I didn't meet any people that I'm interested in to talk to. And I am quite weird about my people choice. but it doesn't bother me.


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

Olesya said:


> yea, these days (and it's been going on for some time now) I don't feel like talking much. It feels like I need to be silent for now (or for whatever time). I have so many thoughts and discussions in my mind, and I didn't meet any people that I'm interested in to talk to. And I am quite weird about my people choice. but it doesn't bother me.


Lol i am weird about the people i choose too, not that i have high standards or anything.


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## VeganGirl93 (Aug 2, 2011)

Doriis said:


> Hi  I may be wrong about it being a secondary disorder but does anyone overhere feel no particular desire to talk? I cultivate the dream of meeting a friend kind of 'alter ego' with whom silence wouldn't be uncomfortable, and with whom i could go to the movies, listen to music, hang out in a park or travel to different places... Anyone can relate?


me!!!


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## Nick1993 (May 6, 2012)

Man... I can relate to this. Some days I just wish people would ****ing ignore me and pretend I didn't exist. I hate having to come up with responses on those days!! Do you sometimes feel like you can't actually respond to them though? Like you've forgotten how to speak english properly? And just end up babbling out some crap that makes them go "huh"??
I do that ):


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

I can relate, some days I tend to just want to be by myself and not say anything and then someone comes and wants to talk and I'm just not in the mood. I don't really say anything rather than hmm and yea... sometimes they get the drift and sometimes they just continue talking forever.


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## flykiwi (Jul 18, 2011)

Yeah.. That kind of friend would be awesome. Where you don't have to talk if you don't want to..just their pressence and being around them is enough. And you guys both undnerstand each other without much words.. Maybe your just tired of the effort ( of talking to people) and just lonely. Need someone to be with you. 

I wish I didn't have to talk to anyone. 
And just get by with body language.
It tells a lot more about a person than the things they say sometimes.
Talking doesn't get me far.
Its easier to not do it at all...


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## GirlGristle (Nov 23, 2008)

That sounds a lot like me. Conversations, especially small talk, tire me relentlessly. There's this girl in my class who yacks off every second and people are mesmerized by her. Basically she goes on and on about NOTHING. It's bizarre! And everyone likes talking to her.

And I would love to have a friend who is comfortable with my silence. That would make me the happiest girl on earth. I'm always worried about boring the other person so I think frantically and usually don't come up with anything else to say. =\


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## twilightmoon (Sep 17, 2007)

meganmila said:


> I sometimes get that. Some days I don't want to talk or I will mumble stuff.


That's me, too. I have almost zero desire to talk at all in school unless I need something. I'll talk if someone asks me something, but that's it. At home I talk, but there are some days that are *hard*. I have no idea how to describe it! It's like I get a bad reaction to talking and the anxiety that comes with it at times so I don't feel like talking and nearby isolate myself from everyone.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

Lol, I have to speak with co workers and on the phone to other offices, but most weekends i don't talk to anyone.


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## parag0n (Jul 3, 2012)

Can definitely relate, the bad part is that with my job I have to deal with people constantly. I work in a factory that is just full of the most crass individuals you can imagine. Every conversation is about sex, every other word is and F-Bomb...just constant inane bull****. 

I really don't understand what motivates these people to talk about such meaningless stuff all day.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I can relate i've spent thousands of days where I had no one around to talk to so I've gotten SO use to never talking..


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## OpenSky (Jun 29, 2012)

parag0n said:


> I really don't understand what motivates these people to talk about such meaningless stuff all day.


This is so true...most of the things people talk about don't interest me, unless they have interesting life stories. I get bored of people easily, especially those that I see at work all the time. I feel like I have them figured out (I am very analytical) and they just don't interest me anymore. A lot of the time, socializing isn't rewarding to me either and I hate small talk. I just find I get bored easily. This wasn't the case with my previous job so I think the type of work environment you're in has something to do with it as well. One you're in it long enough, you start to change and believe that this is the new "you."


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Lately this is exactly what I have been looking for in a relationship. I just want someone I can be myself around. Some of my best friends are good at letting silence be, especially when we're all tired and have nothing good to say anyway.

Other people often have so much energy, and I just can't keep up. They want to hang out three days a week or something, and go out and spend money on restaurants and events and such, and that stuff is fun every once in a while, but I just wish everyone would slow down and relax, and for once enjoy the little things and not get all uptight if they aren't doing something incredible every second of their life. These people LITERALLY need to just stop and smell the flowers.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably share a silence.

But yeah, i really don't like talking, I don't see the point of me talking, and i don't ever have anything to talk about. I don't enjoy it when people ask questions about me. Cause I never know what to say. I'd love to just have a friend or something who i can just enjoy being around without needing to talk.


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## twilightmoon (Sep 17, 2007)

GirlGristle said:


> That sounds a lot like me. Conversations, especially small talk, tire me relentlessly. There's this girl in my class who yacks off every second and people are mesmerized by her. Basically she goes on and on about NOTHING. It's bizarre! And everyone likes talking to her.
> 
> And I would love to have a friend who is comfortable with my silence. That would make me the happiest girl on earth. I'm always worried about boring the other person so I think frantically and usually don't come up with anything else to say. =\


You sound so much like me. Wish I could be your friend. I don't talk much, either. And when I do, it's only when I'm comfortable. Which is not very frequent at all.

In class, I don't want to talk to anyone. I get by through the day with very short conversations, and that only happens if someone talks to me about something. My classmates are very boisterous, and always laughing constantly. It doesn't irritate me, but I wish they could be a little quieter. They never shut up, basically.


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## ThatChickWithTheGlasses (Aug 9, 2012)

I can understand this, when I was in class everyone would talk about topics that I wouldn't really be interested in, (things I was interested in was Anime and Manga) and sometimes I would be given funny looks when I say something but then I just shut off again and daydream.


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## maniuni (May 1, 2011)

I stumbled on this thread while I was looking for this subject. 
I am feeling down because I feel I am not meeting my own expectation for me as a person. Because I have no friends and I am staying at home every weekend and mostly watch movies. My neighbours are having guests and parties all the time which makes me feel even more isolated and like I am weird. 
But when I think about calling someone from work, for example, I find I have very little desire. It just seems so draining, even when imagining it. I don't see any value in talking to people. I can manage to do it for a time if I have to but soon I run out of things to say or ask and get anxious and even panicky because I think the person is already bored with me. I even imagine she is trying to get out of the conversation. 

So, I hate myself for not being a more sociable person but don't have desire to talk to anyone. It's depressing. I can't even talk to my mother anymore. Usually she is talking and I am asking for details but when she doesn't talk, I can't think of things to say.


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