# What makes you not as likeable as others?



## Pandaomelet (Aug 11, 2017)

So, I have these friends who I hang out with, they are all very nice and supportive people and we are pretty close knitted. But I can't stop but notice that each individual gets treated differently, most specifically there's this one friend who is like the 'golden' friend, she's always the most fun to be around and everyone loves to talk to her because they can always have fun talking to her. Also, there's this other friend who is like the 'mother' of the group, everyone likes being nice to her and I don't know I guess everyone is most comfortable around her. I feel like, I'm the one who is the most 'negative' or the one who people feel hard to really be warm to. I guess, I just wanna ask how I can be more 'nice'? Or lovable? Because in all honesty I feel jealous of how some friends are treated.

How can I make people feel comfortable around me? I want to be known as a friend who anyone can just open up to and love to hangout with. And how can I do that if I am quite anxious at times and think too much?

Anyone else have a similar situation?


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## hei (Oct 25, 2017)

i have nothing to add except that ive noticed the same and ive been wondering how to change that


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## Miles28 (Oct 24, 2017)

I feel like it's cause. I'm not as outgoing, funny and smart like others. Also ppl tell me I look mad all the time or should smile more. Can't help with the face I'm born with lol..


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## gthopia94 (Dec 18, 2015)

It's mostly due to not being relatable to other people (e.g. having my own set of hobbies). Plus, I don't express myself the same way as everyone else does.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Just listen and be supportive


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## mcpon14 (Oct 23, 2017)

I'm needy and annoying and smell sometimes, lol. 

I'm negative in real life but I'm working on that, dang nabit, lol.


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## anxiousoul (Aug 13, 2017)

Miles28 said:


> I feel like it's cause. I'm not as outgoing, funny and smart like others. Also ppl tell me I look mad all the time or should smile more. Can't help with the face I'm born with lol..


I get that too. I try smiling more because ppl say I look sad or angry but then ppl want to know why Im smiling. So now Ive been going back to the 'mad' face I started with, which is neutral face to me. Its like what do you want from me? You cant please them all so now I don't care lol


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

Kevin001 said:


> Just listen and be supportive


Can you elaborate? What you're saying sounds obvious, but in actual practice ends up as "oh, uh huh, *leading question that gets a blunt response*"


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

altghost said:


> Can you elaborate? What you're saying sounds obvious, but in actual practice ends up as "oh, uh huh, *leading question that gets a blunt response*"


Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Make their needs more important then yours or at least be there for them when they need you. Be reliable and dependable.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

My friends and co-workers seem to like me.

Anyone that doesn't can get--uh...*insert non-offensive term for ****ed here*

The only advice I can give is know when to keep your mouth shut and likewise know when to pipe the **** up!

That being said, given the number of replies I get to stuff I post on this forum I'm hardly the guy to be giving advice!


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm a negative nancy who never compliments other people.


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

i don't talk much and i'm weird (awesomely, awesomely weird, but people don't see it like that)


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

I'm honestly not sure what others may think of me but if I had to come up with an answer, I think people may see me as weird and quiet which I am. I'll speak up and talk, I just have to get to know the person before I can feel comfortable around them. Anytime I meet anyone new, it takes me awhile before I can go up to them. Sometimes people simply don't have the patience or we may not clash together. Don't take it personally. I'm sure you'll find others who you can relate with one day.


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## noonecares (Oct 12, 2017)

I don't talk to people unless they talk to me first


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## Squirrelevant (Jul 27, 2008)

I disrupt the natural flow people are used to with social interactions and thus make others feel uncomfortable.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I don't really have anxiety as bad as I used to, but I still never learned how to communicate well or "click" with others. It just doesn't feel natural for some reason. If I actually do try to put in the effort, I just end up repelling them.

I've started feeling pretty apathetic towards socializing anyway, I don't really enjoy it for one, and I never get anywhere with people so it pretty much feel a like a waste of time.


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## Lostbeauties (Nov 15, 2017)

Yeah, I can relate. I've always been the stand-out in school and the girl nobody talks to and it sucked. I wish I knew the answer as to why no one enjoyed my company. For one thing I've never been into snapchat, instagram, or any other social media platform. I can't stand selfies, I find them very shallow especially when girls do it every minute of every day, it's really stupid. And I've noticed that unfortunately my generation is really into that, and when you're not into stuff like that, it can be hard to fit in especially when everyone else is. I just can't stand social media, everything on there is just so fake..


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## Jolese (Jan 4, 2005)

Continue working on your anxiety. You can't really set up a goal for yourself to say that you want to be as likeable as one friend or another because that's not really fair to yourself. I would say appreciate the friendships you have now and just keep working at them. Be present, be yourself, take charge of making plans sometimes, stuff like that. Then focus on being positive with yourself about the things you HAVE done well like positive experiences you had with friends.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

RelinquishedHell said:


> I don't really have anxiety as bad as I used to, but I still never learned how to communicate well or "click" with others. It just doesn't feel natural for some reason. If I actually do try to put in the effort, I just end up repelling them.


Pretty much the same for me.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

I put grumpy cat in his place.

Also I have a snarky sense of comedic sarcasm so yeah...


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## Excaliber (May 16, 2015)

I've gone long enough being what I call 'a lone wolf' to not know how to interact with people on a friendship basis my age properly, so I don't really even bother getting to know anyone these days because it gets too weird, Generally I consider myself a neutral though, people do like me for my attitude and work ethic, but they don't really know me beyond that to have any other likeable characteristics.


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## AvoidantGuy (Oct 1, 2017)

Sometimes I can be a scary looking dude. If you saw me in public and didn't know me, I might give off a bad vibe and you may assume I'm a trouble maker. I think being cold and monotone at times also makes me not as well liked as I could be. But that is just me from years of dealing with my own issues, so this is me and I'm never really going to change most likely.

But I am a pretty good person at heart 95% of the time. I'm always polite, I always hold the door for people and try to smile/laugh as much as I can. But some days it's hard to keep up the facade.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

I'm basically the last resort. Sometimes not even. Because I don't go out to bars or do the generic stuff every one else is doing, there is nothing to talk about.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think I'm annoying as heck, and I can't help running my dumb mouth sometimes. I go through phases of shutting everyone out to being unable to sit still/stay quiet.


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## Scaptain (Aug 12, 2016)

People don't like me because I rarely speak. Think of Mad Max from Fury Road.


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## Furor Teutonicus (Oct 30, 2017)

I have a cold demeanor and am not very expressive


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## hunterjumper11 (Nov 8, 2017)

Well, for starters, I'm not out looking to be liked. Meaning, I'm not seeking the approval of anyone else or trying to fit in which I know makes me stand out. It's human nature to flock to others like yourself so if you see someone not following trends, not wanting to make a lot of social plans, not trying to make a ton of friends...someone not kissing society's a**, basically, you're probably gonna be a little wary of them. I'm not into the bar or club scene which I feel like 99% of people my age are obsessed with. I don't like watching or talking about sports, or watching your typical television shows/movies (think stuff that's "trending:" all the superhero movies, GoT, Bachelor/Bachelorette type sh*t, any car chase filled action flick... none of that interests me. I prefer the more obscene/dark/different shows that most people probably wouldn't care for, for instance.) I'm into horseback riding which is a pretty solitary activity that not many people tend to get into. So is lifting/going to the gym, which I also do. Idk, I think I've just never desired trying to keep up with the Joneses, so to speak, and that weirds people out.
I also am very blunt. I'll call someone out on their BS without a moment's hesitation and I know most people don't like that. Most of society is very fake and phony, which I am not.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*No Family. No Friends. Atheist*

Xmas Alone

will just be normal. 3 weeks to go? Glad when the season's out of the way. New Year's Eve was always damn good. No family. All friends, loud music events! Time's come decades later on I won't be seeing anyone.

Nothing the celebrate since I was 25. Food's all. No Turkey or trimmings or alcohol this time. Was usual way in 2016. I'll just get on with enough to live on. scared all shops closed. must plan so far ahead major stock up. Nothing ready. why human so lazy not to serve. I've been 24/7 system support paid. not supporting people! Machines! Troubleshooting automation! weird this year. Never booze by myself. Always when with people √ all I'll have: TV! miserable. extraverted TV. *what does an atheist do at Christmas?*

This weekend old mates housewarming party, Saturday, relocated back to this town. Invited. Don't know the wife. quite a lot of common friends coming. probably loads I don't know. scared of all of 'em. Don't know if I can even be accepted by the main person or any. Dilemma. I go or not bother. Either could make my life better or worse. good friends with 'em all when I was employed!

what would you do?

answering the question:
I'm not the good person I used to be. Made redundant by employers and keep at distance, not allowed back in, by recruiters. I haven't mad myself bad! Aggressive & Violent. anybody aware how this happens to unemployed people? Society blind to this scenario? Ignorant of it?


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## supersoshychick28 (Nov 30, 2017)

I’m the same. I always find the most negative things to say in a conversation. Some examples:

Amanda: I like your Christmas shirt
Me: thanks, it’s not comfortable though 

Coworker: you’re so fast with your job
Me: eh not really

Chris: what’d you think of the new Star Wars movie
Me: it was boring not a big fan of Star Wars

I wish I could just be positive, but I’m starting to think it’s who I am....a Debbie downer.

I’m the last person anyone would talk to, very unapproachable. It pisses me off bc ppl can’t accept me


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

I send this vibe of "super serious/mad" most of the time. Today I was going out of the pharmacy and the worker on the door asked me if I was in a bad mood, like basically saying to me "don't pay it with me, I'm doing my job" I felt a bit ashamed, smiled to him, said I was fine and left. :serious:


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## Candied Peanuts (Oct 23, 2017)

Apparently I have a scary demeanour because of my resting ***** face, and the fact that I seclude myself.


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## abiologicalblunder (Dec 22, 2017)

I make no attempt to hide my contempt of them.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

My obvious superiority to virtually anyone else makes approaching me a daunting task.

But other than that, basically this:



abiologicalblunder said:


> I make no attempt to hide my contempt of them.


Like, I seriously hate most people, and I think my body language or just my general behavior gives that away.
Now it's a chicken and egg issue. Did I start to hate them because they didn't like me, or did they not like me because I hated them?


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## LadyApathy (Dec 2, 2014)

The list is infinite lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## novis18 (Dec 29, 2017)

I don't really have anyone else to compare myself to who's better socially - I work all the time and friends are thin on the ground. I like being around people, but I'm very nervous. I always worry about saying the right thing, even though most of the time looking back on interactions I don't really have many problems saying what I mean or saying it well. I psych myself out over social interactions most of the time, and can't really seem to stop doing it.


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## GibberingMaw (Jul 3, 2017)

I've been told/seen that i'm not as friendly or outgoing as others sometimes. My main issue is I can be rather negative, so I tend to push people away. I don't mean to be.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I can be impatient with people and outspoken in telling them how I really feel, yet pretty quiet. I also seem to be drawn to the less popular side of whatever's being talked about. I guess I don't want to be like everybody else or be overly agreeable to just fit in. And even when I'm right about something, I am frequently not eloquent enough to be persuasive. Many of my hobbies and interests aren't the most popular things to do. And I like to try to do things that are more challenging or thrilling than most people seem to be interested in.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

not thinking things through before making a decision.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I don't know when to shut up


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## MamaBearJ (Jan 30, 2018)

When I meet new people, I use a lot of mental gymnastics to cover for my awkward lil self. And then when we meet again I usually run out of steam.

When I run out of things to say people grow tired with me.


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## secret history (Jan 16, 2014)

Pandaomelet said:


> So, I have these friends who I hang out with, they are all very nice and supportive people and we are pretty close knitted. But I can't stop but notice that each individual gets treated differently, most specifically there's this one friend who is like the 'golden' friend, she's always the most fun to be around and everyone loves to talk to her because they can always have fun talking to her. Also, there's this other friend who is like the 'mother' of the group, everyone likes being nice to her and I don't know I guess everyone is most comfortable around her. I feel like, I'm the one who is the most 'negative' or the one who people feel hard to really be warm to. I guess, I just wanna ask how I can be more 'nice'? Or lovable? Because in all honesty I feel jealous of how some friends are treated.
> 
> How can I make people feel comfortable around me? I want to be known as a friend who anyone can just open up to and love to hangout with. And how can I do that if I am quite anxious at times and think too much?
> 
> Anyone else have a similar situation?


I wonder about this, too... I think it's a a bit of a subjective question though because different people like different qualities in others. And what we like can also change depending on our circumstances, as in where we are in life and what we need at the time. There may be some qualities that make some people more generally liked, but then if you aim to become someone who's more generally liked, then don't you have to give up finding those special few who would like you for who you are at your most natural? I figured wanting others to like me is a hopeless game and the real way to win is to learn to accept and like myself as I am.

& what do you mean by "negative"? Some of the people I liked being around most were the most critical, biggest party-pooping cynics, but they were honest and real and hard to find. You don't have to be fun or warm to be liked either. Just love your friends in your own way and try to balance it with how they want to be loved as your friends. If they need what you can't give, like entertainment and carefully crafted words & gestures given at just the right time, it doesn't make you unlikeable because someone else might need what you can give, whatever that may be.

A lot of people don't like me because I don't open up easily/I'm really low energy and I can be occasionally offensive & socially awkward/naive, but it's okay, that's just who I am! The few people I have can overlook those, even value them, so I love them and try to show it in my way and in their way when I can.


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## Elixir23 (Feb 17, 2018)

Pandaomelet said:


> So, I have these friends who I hang out with, they are all very nice and supportive people and we are pretty close knitted. But I can't stop but notice that each individual gets treated differently, most specifically there's this one friend who is like the 'golden' friend, she's always the most fun to be around and everyone loves to talk to her because they can always have fun talking to her. Also, there's this other friend who is like the 'mother' of the group, everyone likes being nice to her and I don't know I guess everyone is most comfortable around her. I feel like, I'm the one who is the most 'negative' or the one who people feel hard to really be warm to. I guess, I just wanna ask how I can be more 'nice'? Or lovable? Because in all honesty I feel jealous of how some friends are treated.
> 
> How can I make people feel comfortable around me? I want to be known as a friend who anyone can just open up to and love to hangout with. And how can I do that if I am quite anxious at times and think too much?
> 
> Anyone else have a similar situation?


I feel the same way, I have this group of friends and one of them is so angry and lashes out on everyone, yet she is the center of the group. Everyone gravitates to her, I try to b her friend. I try to b everyone friend. Yet they all just tell me that I am a friend but the others are close friends, I am never a close friend, they constantly tell me I am just a friend but I am closer with the others. I try so hard, I have told them stuff, I could never tell anyone else. Yet I am constantly treated a outsider. I do embarrassing stuff and have funny stories, I am only kept around as make them laugh like a monkey that performs on demand. Sometime I am not treated as a person with feelings, just an object, that when they feel bad they can lash out on me. Take their pain out on me. I am so tired, I just want to feel belonged, I completely understand. I wish none us on this forum feel this way. But for others to feel better about themselves, some have to b trampled on


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I'm unconventional. And when people tell me how I should be (because they'd really be a lot happier if I was the kind of person they think I should be) I have a tendency not to change for them. Which makes a surprising number of people unhappy and me "unlikeable", "tyrannical", and occasionally "a threat to Western civilization".


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## WittyOne (Feb 24, 2018)

I don't know. Strangers are always looking at me like I'm an alien. I'd actually like to know what they're thinking, so I could know what the problem is. I thought I was okay without friends. It's been years. 
I'm not okay.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think because I get sick a lot and it shows in my face, which looks angry, so it looks like I'm a bad person. But I'm actually just in pain. Very few people find me likeable, but I'm ok with it.


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## SocialVegan (Mar 12, 2018)

My eating habits and the absence of any mental filter.


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## cavecanem (Feb 19, 2018)

I panic when people try to get close to me, so I push them away.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I can be pretty emotional, and insecure/paranoid when it comes to attachments and losing said attachments. you're better off far, far away from me during times like these.


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## spotlessmind90 (Dec 29, 2016)

The male equivalent of resting ***** face, resting murder face.


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## Discat (Mar 28, 2018)

I'm pretty and some girls think I'm competition 
But I'm a radical feminist and I hate most men


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## MonkeyMan213 (Apr 11, 2018)

Looking like I'm not interested in someone by looking away every time they look at me, even though I really want to talk to them, mainly because of my social anxiety.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

Lack of a fun personality. Lack of a social life. This give them the impression that I am a social loser. This makes people think there is no social reward to want to associate with me. People want to associate with others hoping they can meet more people or have some benefit in some ways. They figure with me, they will not get any of these things. Not having a social life or much friends, it gives people a feeling of suspicion. Something must be off about me to lack a social life that I lack right now. People generally will not like to associate with people unless they have some assurance that they are normal. No possible red flags. I however screams lots of social red flags for others. If you try to look me up on any form of social media, you will find absolutely nothing. For any millenials or any millenials I like to associate with, this is a red flag for them. This adds to the cycle of my inability to ever seek a social life. If you lack a social life, this will also be a red flag for any romantic partners and women I want to meet. Once they try looking me up and found nothing, RED FLAG! They label me as a weirdo creep. It has been my pattern so far.


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## Daxi004 (Apr 16, 2018)

They know I'm evil. Everyone can see through me


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## SoulFant (Apr 25, 2018)

In such cases it is better to always remain self-critical!)


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## Nekobasu (Apr 22, 2018)

Sometimes because I am quiet and want to be alone, sometimes because I get crazy and lose sense of reality.


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