# Getting emotionally attached to people too easily



## boosh

I've had this problem for a while and it's gotten even worse. Any person I meet at some sort of 1 off event and I 'click' with them/ they show me some sort of affection, I start to get clingy towards them. Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it. 

E.g The first time I met my brother's girlfriend, after 3 days of her staying with me and my brother, I immediately developed some sort of attachment towards her and haven't been able to get rid of it since. As soon as she left, I felt lonely and depressed the following days again. I do weird things like keep mementos to remind me of the people I met and got attached to. With her, I kept smelling this t-shirt of mine I let her borrow once she had gone, because the scent of her perfume was still on there.

Long story short, the other day she said for certain she wants to move abroad and emigrate (likely permanently), regardless of whether my brother choses to move with her. 

This has had me feeling extremely down these past days, I haven't even known her for a year, I don't understand why I care so much (I've not exactly fallen for her or anything, I want her to be with my brother, I've just developed a strong attachment) . I'm paranoid and extremely anxious she'll break up with my brother because he won't move with her, emigrate and I'll never see her again. I'm worrying about their relationship like it's my parents getting a divorce or something

Sorry for the long wall of text, this has never left my thoughts this past week, I needed to let it out somewhere. I've been sad and felt really low simply over this, makes me feel like I'm really not normal, anyone else had similar experiences to getting attached to people quickly? I feel kind of stupid. i'm 18, my brother is 29, his girlfriend is 26 btw


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## CourtneyB

I do get emotionally attached to people too quickly. Maybe its the lack of attention I've received from non-related people since developing GAD and depression? Either way, just know you're not alone. I almost always end up being more attached to someone than they are to me. I think I'm so excited someone is interested in me that I subconsciously attach. It sucks immensely....especially when it happens involuntarily.


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## AshCash

I've always been like this because I've never had any real close friends my whole life.And I feel stupid and pathetic about how quickly I get attached to people.


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## nkprasad12

All the time. Anyone that's nice to me and actually makes an effort to talk to me without trying to get anything from me, it happens.

Pretty much what AshCash said. Since my troubles I've really only had one friend, since I was with him and some other people in a carpool to college classes and we both got into Rubik's Cubes eventually. Now we're both kind of done with that and I feel like we don't have much in common anymore. He has a girlfriend now and some other friends and can at least talk to people... I feel like he'll get tired of me and sick of always having to call me and not vice versa and I'll be alone.


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## Addler

I do this, too. Anyone who's nice to me, I immediately want them to be my friend forever. I used to act on this, essentially stalking people in order to spend time with them. I'm ashamed of that now and have generally kept to myself unless others indicate they'd like to spend time with me. When I start to get signals to go away, I slink off to hate myself.


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## AHolivier

Thanks for starting this thread. This is something that I deal with a lot. Whether it's a day-long event where I meet someone or sometimes if I get caught in small talk with a stranger at a store, my mind wanders into "is this it? is this the best friend I've been looking for all these years?" Before I know it, the other person has bid me farewell and I never see him/her again. Not to sound overdramatic, but many don't understand how devastating that is to SA/depression sufferers. 
Those quick moments that appear in what seems to be another boring day can actually make my day, only to bring me back to square one. I can't tell you how fast my thought processes are during that short amount of time. There's an odd state of bliss and hope, that idea of "i'm actually talking to someone! I'm normal!" that sure makes for a good confidence boost.


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## seahero

Yes, thank you for starting this thread. I feel this all the time, except for me, I don't feel like it happens quickly, but I do feel like I get much more attached to certain people than they do to me. I make some friends and then I feel like they just don't want me around anymore. I have a roommate who I got along with so well for a while, but I feel like he just gets bugged with me most of the time I'm around. I get sad whenever he leaves to go home or to hang out with other friends. Occasionally he'll invite me to hang out with them, but most of the time I tell him I can't or don't want to. I don't tell him it's because I get anxious. Then he seems to get sick of inviting me to do things because I always turn him down and then I feel like a horrible friend because he thinks I don't want to hang out with him. Then I feel left out and I make sure I'm gone when he gets back and I don't return to the apartment until he's in bed because I don't want him to see me. I feel like I do that because I want him to feel alone and left out when I'm gone, much like I do when he's gone. I just want him to relate with me, you know? He's my best friend. I've known him for years, but I don't think he considers me to be his best friend. I've never been nearly as close with any friend as I am with him, so it's just sad when I feel like he doesn't want me around. Anyway, yeah, it sucks. I feel bad for you and that you feel like your brother's girlfriend is leaving a sort of hole in your life. It sounds like a horrible feeling. I usually do some vigorous exercise to forget about things like that. It never makes me forget completely, but it usually helps me to cope so I'm not overly obsessed about those things.


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## JenN2791

*deep sigh* I always felt alone on this, always thinking I must be psycho for being so easily attached to people. I had always been like this, and never realized so until last year.

The reason I'm so easily attached to people is because I never really received any love or affection growing up. Parents always pushed me away whenever I wanted to hug/kiss or talk to them. Every new friend I made yrs ago, I constantly wanted to play with them during recess and if I saw they were playing with other kids instead, I would just go into emo status.

Today I try not to be so attached because it does scare some people away. It's like WOAH!! EASY THERE! I try to put myself in their shoes.

Think about it - maybe it's hard to think this actually if you have SAD pretty bad but just bare with me hehe. If someone you're friends with suddenly became RIDICULOUSLY attached to you and has to rely on you for literally everything, how would you feel? (pretend SAD isn't getting in the way). Maybe my case is worse than everyone's, who knows.. but whenever someone I care about hangs with other people instead of me all the time, I get emotional. It's so sad. And I know for a fact that if someone was like that with me, I'd for sure be pretty darn irritated and want them to leave me alone. (Actually, I've dealt with someone like that before, it was creepy).

But ya... I know how this issue goes. I try to cope with it better, calm myself down since I get terribly anxious over someone chilling with others instead of me sometimes...I just keep in mind that everyone has a life. You can't be part of it 24/7 really.


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## tohellandback

Yeah I would get clingy too if i met someone and to me it 'seemed' like we really hit off. Then when I realized that she either didn't want to talk to me anymore or she had a boyfriend, that would put me in a huge slump


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## Shadow2009

All the time. It's usually whenever I meet a friend's friend for the first time. All it takes is for the person to be nice to me and then I end up adding them on Facebook that night and trying to be their friend. 

The worst part is always when our mutual friend say to me, "stop creeping him out, (s)he's my friend, not yours" and that's when I realise how sad I act.


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## ReincarnatedRose

I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.

It's really, really sad but I have no clue how to stop it. I've personally pegged it to my need for love and attention, since I don't give it to myself, I'm constantly looking for others to fill that void, and when anyone is nice to me or shows signs of being a nice person, I'm instantly attracted to them and want to get to know them better.

It's so odd, but it happens to me almost daily. It's very annoying, though and I wish I could stop it but I'm not sure how.


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## JenN2791

ReincarnatedRose said:


> I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.
> 
> *It's really, really sad but I have no clue how to stop it. I've personally pegged it to my need for love and attention, since I don't give it to myself, I'm constantly looking for others to fill that void, and when anyone is nice to me or shows signs of being a nice person, I'm instantly attracted to them and want to get to know them better.*
> 
> It's so odd, but it happens to me almost daily. It's very annoying, though and I wish I could stop it but I'm not sure how.


Yep, you sort of feel ashamed in a sense - at least I do. You pretty much KNOW that being clingy is bad, especially when you're very well aware that you have no love for yourself. Me.. I start feeling like I'm using people for my own happiness even though I care about others' lives as well :\


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## barczyl

I hate getting too emotionally attached to people because it happens so often with me. So...I distance myself or just hope they feel the same way.

I learned a lot from making those mistakes, and try to control myself more often.


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## sk2009

I agree with reincarnated rose-i think a big part of feeling attachd so quickly is bcuz of not giving the right love and attention to urself-thats sumthng i try to keep in mind more


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## Daniel87

This thread made me sad. None of it applies to me, and I actually «hate» people that act like that, but I now realize that your reasons for acting like that might have been also their reasons. I think I'll be more understanding now.
I feel kinda bad now...


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror

I have suffered easy emotional attachments in the past. It can still happen to me. 

I believe I am emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships. But I can swallow it down alot easier now. An acceptance. 

These days it is all about long overdue hugs and emotional understanding that I am starved for.


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## komorikun

I don't get emotionally attached per se but I do get kind of excited about the potential for a real friendship. I'm never really sure whether it's okay to call or will I be bugging them. Many people only seem to respond to text messages and never call back.


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## CreamCheese

me too. I think this has a ton to do with the fact that maybe making friends is troubling in your life, as it is in mine, so the people who do become friends, we overvalue them.

In my sophomore year of college, when I FINALLY made friends, I was so excited about them. I was initially considering transferring schools, but then I ended up staying because I was afraid that if I transferred, I may not get the opportunity to have friends as I did that year (I have continuously lost friends over time in high school due to moving 3 times). By the next year, I kept texting my friends to study with me. I made bracelets and CDs for them. I let one of my friends use my old cell phone b/c he was phoneless. I'd let them all copy my homework. IDK. I think I got way too carried away. Some seemed annoyed with me too. Finally, I realized this the entire summer that I was doing too much for my friends, whereas besides me doing favors for them, we didn't even have proper conversations that made me feel happy. I'm going to make it a point this semester to keep a proper distance away from them. Sometimes it's hard, esp when you're in the midst of a social circle after not being one in a long time, but when you get too carried away, that's another story and it ends up being painful to you.


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## ItemEleven

Attached in 60 seconds. Marry me after 66.


I used to. I think that it's a sign of extreme loneliness... it was in my case IMHO. Now that I have a few friends I don't get the same strong feelings of attachment anymore. I still get them but they aren't as strong as they used to be.

A few years ago I thought that I was instant best friends with any stranger who had at least one thing in common with me. 

If a fellow student spoke to me for more than a minute or looked in my direction and smiled... I thought... Yay. I've found a friend. They must like me cos they are talking to me/looking at me and smiling. We are in the same class so have a lot in common  Always felt hurt when the brief encounters didn't turn into life long friendships.


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## ItemEleven

boosh said:


> With her, I kept smelling this t-shirt of mine I let her borrow once she had gone, because the scent of her perfume was still on there.


Sure it wasn't the female pheromones she left behind rather than the perfume? :b


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## JessiqaL

I get easily emotionally attached to people I'm attracted to... Some may call it crush. But I don't think it's normal. 
E.g. , There was this girl (She has OCD) that went to the same therapy "place" as me. So, we waited in the waiting room and I began to notice that she would look a bit 2 much at me. Well At first I though she was just a stupid chick, that was checking out my clothes and thinking " Omg so fugly"  But then I started overthinking it and developed a crush on her... We saw eachother 2 or 3 more times after that first day. And she started making a lot of eye contact o.o And I believe that she or 1. Wanted to be friends with me 
2. Had a tiny crush on me or 
3. Just playing around with me.
We never spoke .... it was only eye contact xD I haven't seen her for.... 6/7 months. But I still think about her. I'm kinda obsessed xD


oh yeah, I'm a girl 2  lol It's called bissexuality


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## malishka

*too attached*



Bloody Pit Of Horror said:


> I have suffered easy emotional attachments in the past. It can still happen to me.
> 
> I believe I am emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships. But I can swallow it down alot easier now. An acceptance.
> 
> These days it is all about long overdue hugs and emotional understanding that I am starved for.


I have the same problem. I think im emotionally underdeveloped and people call me immature for a 24yr old. I make friends really easily because I care too much for them right away and become too attached. Their problems, their frustrations and their stories become my responsibility which I take on myself. I met a few friends after I moved in the dorms, and in a few days of knowing them I gave them lodging for 3months and helped them out financially because one of them was going through a bad break up and i just wanted to pay for everything for him and his broke friend because I felt bad for him. One night when I was in trouble and dire need of a place to crash, I called him and he turned me down lying about where he was and then stopped picking up my calls. Here I thought he was my bestfriend, even though we know each other for 5 and a half months now. This is not the first time I have done soo much for someone and when I needed them to come through for me they did not. I think the best is to stay away from making friends for me, i give to much and when i expect a bit of it in return, I get dissappointed. When I get disapointed by them I lash out via texts or emails at them, and that usually ends pretty badly. Anyway, my conclusion is - TO STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE. its better to be around family, u can count on them and they will always come through for you no matter what. Even my time/energy and need to care is better invested on family than FRIENDS - esp ones i JUST MET!


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## meganmila

Yup sounds like me. When someone is nice I start to want to know them better and all that. I think I have some dependent issues. People have said to not depend on someone for everything cause yeah you get disappointed...it's weird I listen to that but I still keep doing it :/ I think it's a bad habit where you know it's bad but it comes naturally. That's why maybe I shouldn't get too close and maybe only talk to people casually instead of everyday of every second. I dunno...


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## jon 29 uk

i dont get attached to people (women thankfully) much but when i do its a very strong attachment even if we said only a few words, that will be enough for me to dream about a fantastic relationship together.... its already caused me embarrassment and upset. i have even asked the girl(s) out in an almost beggerly type way haha.. at least i recognize the issue lol. 

P.S thanks for your similar story's they're quite comforting to me!


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## OrbitalResonance

this happens to me


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## Gryffindor85

I fall for girls way too quickly and always end up hurt. When people pay almost no attention to you throughout your life, it's really easy to get attached to the people that do. I've learned that I'm not nearly as special to them as they are to me. 

I almost feel that I should be emotionally cut off, but I need emotional warmth, I crave it, I just can't get it.


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## loquaciousintrovert

I definitely get attached too easily. I even form attachments to people I've never had a conversation with. I'm not proud to admit this but I spent five months sort of stalking this guy who worked at a drugstore. I had fantasies of us being together, being his wife, and so on. And I couldn't even get the courage to even talk to him.

Pathetic. :no

But yes, I do it often.


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## wrongnumber

I'm not sure. I often get the impression that others are more attached to me than I am to them. It takes me a long time to bond with someone and I'm often not aware of the extent of my attachment until long after they're gone.


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## Em Ajlan

I know it's an old thread and I apologize for "necro"-ing it, but the moment I read most of the comments in it, I just found myself in oh too many of them.

First of all, I'm a 1st year college student. I didn't really have social problems in my previous education programs, but I did feel lonely at times. I had some close friends with whom I've spent much time with, but stopped seeing most others from our group, because I felt they didn't really "like" me. (rarely called me when going out, etc.) I didn't find it problematic, though.

However here, at college (I'm a med student btw), I got really attached to a certain girl, who's also in my work group at college. We studied together frequently and spent free time together, also went skiing together once, etc., so I thought we really got along very well. Naturally, I also developed a crush on her, which remained even after she had told me she had a boyfriend, which is rather unusual for me.
Anyway, I really like spending my time with her and chatting with her via email or SMS/phone calls, but 3 or so months ago, I started getting the feeling that she didn't really appreciate me as much as I appreciated her. What's worse, I've got the feeling that she only hangs out with me because I'm a (a silly term I had developed "useful(disposable) colleague", meaning I could help her study or aid her with difficult assignments, which is just bollox, to be honest, because she's a)a fairly intelligent person herself and b)is a hard worker and what's more important, actually doesn't find work too irritating. Still, I can't shake the feeling off and it's driving me nuts. But that's a bit beside the point; I get kind of sad when we see each other, but don't exchange much words or when she sits next to another colleague instead of me in class, etc. I know it's perfectly normal behaviour; even if I was the perfect man (and I'm faaaaaaaar from it), I doubt someone would want to spend their entire time with me and I know it. Still, I subconsciously get the feeling of rejection and even loneliness. (And it's not like I don't hang out with other people at all, just that I prefer her company to the company of other colleagues). Also, sometimes I think I must have some kind of a personality disorder, but I think that's just a subconscious defensive mechanism to make me feel better ("I'm not weird, it's pathological, amirite"). Sometimes, however, I would get the feeling that I've got Asparager's or I'm just really antisocial. Everytime I do think about these things (being psychotic/autistic/antisocial), I come to the conclusion that I am, in fact OK and should not visit a doctor, but I'm never sure . (When I'm down, I often think about it a lot, but abandon the thought when I start feeling better)

I apologize so much for the terribly written long post. I may have gone offtopic and I feel bad about it, but I just felt like I *had to* put my feelings into words. I understand I also may have expressed myself really awkwardly when elaborating something in this post, so if you have a question, I'll gladly answer.

Thanks for reading and I'm glad I'm not the only one!


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## Hoyden

...and I thought I was the only one... 

My clinginess is one of the reasons (+other SA issues) that I avoid making friends. I hate my OCD weirdness.


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## Insanityonthego

Hoyden said:


> ...and I thought I was the only one...
> 
> My clinginess is one of the reasons (+other SA issues) that I avoid making friends. I hate my OCD weirdness.


:squeeze


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## Elona

Wow, this is interesting. I am the complete opposite.
It takes me over a month to get that someone is trying to be a friend. 
I think this is because in my line of work most people are false, all playing the 'get along' game.


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## RoflSaurus

Elona said:


> Wow, this is interesting. I am the complete opposite.
> It takes me over a month to get that someone is trying to be a friend.
> I think this is because in my line of work most people are false, all playing the 'get along' game.


This describes me exactly. I really trust no one until they prove worthy of said trust...


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## Hoyden

Thanks SophieK!

Now, careful I don't get all clingy on you!


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## secretlyshecries

Oh wow, I do this as well. Maybe not as bad as I used to but when people show a slight interest in me sometimes I get really carried away. Thankfully it's only in my head and I don't do anything to embarrass myself.



> Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.


This is me to a tee. Sometimes I even feel really down over once off encounters with total strangers.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

boosh said:


> Any person I meet at some sort of 1 off event and I 'click' with them/ they show me some sort of affection, I start to get clingy towards them. Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.


I've been there, I have to tell myself it's false and just in my head. This just amounts to developing feelings that are unwanted. It's not helping.

I've taken it to the extreme.. nothing good came out of it.

It's far too easy to fall into this trap online too. You are assuming things about the person that you don't know for sure. Their actual life will be completely different to what you romanticize it to be. The same can apply to real life relationships, if communication is poor..

The best thing is for you is to be a great communicator, or to at least try to communicate often. That way at least, the other person can push you away. It's the only kind thing to do.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

secretlyshecries said:


> This is me to a tee. Sometimes I even feel really down over once off encounters with total strangers.


I've felt really emotionally 'sick' once, it was really bad, it took over my whole week or something. Just from a few days of being ignored through email. Turns out my emails were going to a spam folder... I felt very stupid. It's like I was already preparing myself for a relationship's problems. It's kind of disturbing if you look at it like that :/

But there you go. Emotionally underdeveloped -> problems.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

Em Ajlan said:


> I get kind of sad when we see each other, but don't exchange much words or when she sits next to another colleague instead of me in class, etc. I know it's perfectly normal behaviour; even if I was the perfect man (and I'm faaaaaaaar from it), I doubt someone would want to spend their entire time with me and I know it. Still, I subconsciously get the feeling of rejection and even loneliness.


Yeah this I can relate to, too much. Have you looked at BPD / NPD to compare the symptoms to yours ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder


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## quietmusicman

Sometimes i get too attached when other times i will not even let a person know me.


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## missjenny

I think I may have dependency issues as well from being deprived of having lasting friendships and relationships. I get excited whenever I venture into a new friendship, but it also causes me a great deal of suffering because I feel constant anxiety. Part of me believes they won't stick around, and often they don't. 

I put so much hope into others that it leaves me feeling severely depressed when a separation occurs. If someone doesn't call when they say they will I get very sad and think they won't call me ever again, or I'll never hear from them again. It's a tormenting process.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

missjenny said:


> I think I may have dependency issues as well from being deprived of having lasting friendships and relationships. I get excited whenever I venture into a new friendship, but it also causes me a great deal of suffering because I feel constant anxiety. Part of me believes they won't stick around, and often they don't.
> 
> I put so much hope into others that it leaves me feeling severely depressed when a separation occurs. If someone doesn't call when they say they will I get very sad and think they won't call me ever again, or I'll never hear from them again. It's a tormenting process.


Yeah I have this, and I constantly pressure myself to deliver.. interesting, valuable conversation. I have a name to what I always knew was there: Codependency / BPD, well, codependency is kinda the central element, for me. Neglect from when I was young, actual learned patterns are: people will disappear from my life. So.. I've ended up always striving to be this perfect person. (And I'm waiting, looking to be proven I'm not worthy of attention) Because mommy never loved me. lol.

..but now I really feel at ease that I know who I am, and it's okay to be this. I feel a lot more honest.. or something.


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## Event Horizon

Yes, always.


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## Quinn the Eskimo

used to have same problem OP

believe it or not, though, you do have the power of IDGAF

"IDGAF!? what is this power!?" you ask,

its the power of your own mind to decide what it does or doesnt care about


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## pita

^
Yeah. IDGAF is the best.


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## TheQuietGirl20

I'm like this too. I've always wondered why I just figured it was because I can't make friends.


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## Toppington

Yeah... I do this a lot. Luckily enough for me, there's not a ton of people willing to buddy up to me because I hardly ever have anything they could want. I guess that makes the ones that do bother with being nice to me leave a lot more of a mark though. The downside being: It doesn't happen as often, so I end up smothering them. This is why I hold myself back now when I start talking to someone new. I have so much more to say to them because they make me feel comfortable, but it turns everyone off of the idea of being around me at all.


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## Eternally Confused

Hey, just caught this forum thread on a random search.

I'm 40 now and always thought I was alone with this. I don't feel so needy, but I still find myself getting attached to people that intersect my life ever so briefly. In particular, caregivers and people of authority.

The latest? The dental student who has been seeing me for the past few months and tending to me as a patient is about to graduate in a couple of weeks and, while I can rationalize that I'm stressed because I can't continue my unfinished care with the one who started the program with me, the reality is I'm going to miss her altogether.

I have one more appointment with her next week, and I don't even know what to say at the end of it...and it crushes me because I know it's all my drama and nobody else's.


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## Nekomata

I think I used to be like this. These days though I'm pretty emotionally distant towards people ^^ being indifferent does help towards the lack of drama in my life now at least xD


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555

Eternally Confused said:


> The dental student who has been seeing me for the past few months and tending to me as a patient is about to graduate in a couple of weeks and, while I can rationalize that I'm stressed because I can't continue my unfinished care with the one who started the program with me, the reality is I'm going to miss her altogether.


Yeah I've done that before.. this is what makes it difficult for me to do, pretty much anything. I'll be so upset by a loss. I can see now that if I'd had friends at the time I was in a situation just like this.. a dentist.. why I might not find that valuable in particular in the first place.


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## meganmila

You know how much I hate having this... A LOT! It's weird cause I don't want to have it and know it's wrong but it just happens...


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## Ape in space

I get emotionally attached to girls really easily. Examples:

- I got emotionally attached to female cousins on at least two separate occasions (in a non-creepy way :teeth). I hardly ever see them because they live on the other side of the world, and even when I see them I hardly talk. But my interactions with them have probably been the most extensive female interactions I've ever had (other than my sister and mother). So both times, after I left to go back home, I started feeling sad and thinking about them a lot. The jet lag didn't help.

- In undergrad I was renting a room in a house with a couple of friends, and there was also a girl living there. On the morning of the day I moved out to live with my parents again, the crazy landlord woman went berserk at this girl because she had complained about something, and I heard it all. When I got back later that day, the girl came into my room and told me what happened and how crazy the landlord was. It felt like we were under heavy fire and we were supporting each other. It was just an ordinary conversation to her, but I definitely started feeling kind of 'connected' to her. All the other tenants were out so I was the only one there on her side. After that, the landlord woman started up again, screaming and throwing things at the girl, all while I was trying to move my stuff out of the house. The girl called the police because the woman was out of control. I stuck around until they got there so I could protect her if necessary. But I could feel an emotional attachment to this girl for weeks afterward, even though I wasn't attracted to her at all until that day.


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## Shrinking Violet

It's normal to attach to other people. The average person has family members and friends that fill attachment needs. People with SA don't tend to have many close bonds with others, so it's easy to dwell on what little you get.

I find that I get attached to people very easily as well. I start "falling in love" with them, but it's not in a romantic way. I just start liking the familiarity, and I feel affectionate towards them (male and female). When my sister broke up with her boyfriend, I felt sad that I would probably never see him again, or not in the same way.


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## cafune

I think I have the opposite problem. As much as I love my friends, I never allow myself to get excessively emotionally attached to anyone... if that makes any sense (which I don't think it does). If something happened to them, I would die (but that's different, _way_ different). I find it easy to cut people out of my life without really looking back. After I've spent too much time with someone, I feel the need to move on. I guess I can be pretty aloof. I don't know why that is. Well, I think it's in part because my family moved around a lot when I was a kid... as soon as I became good friends with someone... we would move so I've gotten used to the idea.


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## Elahe

Yeah, unfortunately I do. It must be the lack of friends thing. I'm a sucker for anyone who's nice to me. But if they stop being nice, I do a complete 180 and can't even bring myself to be civil to them. I don't know why I let myself get hurt like that.


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## 213

i hate getting emotionally attached to people so easily. it makes me sad and mad at the same time when i lose contact with that person. worse when they dont even try to connect with me anymore. i feel so pathetic and alone.


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## 213

^ reconnect


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## pianoteacher33

Hi..I only just found this forum but can't help replying to this thread. This is totally me. Or was me. I'm 26 yr old female by the way.

I was a really clingy child who always had a 24/7 best friend - one friend was all i really wanted or needed at any one time.
When i was 16 my best friend and I a fall-out and I suddenly felt lonely and craved meaningful emotionally close relationships. I decided to make friends. I'd never tried to make a friend in my life. I pretty much went about it like a 5 year old. I met this girl and pretty much got obsessed with her. So bad that I pretty much crushed on her. I wanted her to be my new best friend. For like 2 years I tried to make her my best friend and I put her through so much crap - argh all that pressure. And she was never brave enough to say, "I just don't want to be close to you."

I did this with numerous friends - probably 10 best friends over 10 years. I realised at some point that people hated it. They don't want the expectation and pressure heaped on them - after a few years I tried to hide the desire while getting to know them - but they could sense it. I'm easy to read. They could feel the pressure radiating from me :-/ I went through so many friends and totally people-pleased them to make them love me, poured so much of myself into them, so much time, emotion, caring, countless emails, texting them every few days, etc. In the last few years it was me caring for them. It was totally exhausting and i had some fulfilling friendships but they didn't last long because they were forced and unnatural.

Not long ago, I realised that people don't really do 24/7 friends. Most of my friends are just trying to get on with their lives and don't really want to be bothered with intense committed friendships. Almost as intense as boy-girl relationships. Several friends told me that I was seeking a type of friendship that didn't actually exist.. I could never be close enough to a girl. To get close enough to satisfy me i'd pretty much have to be married to one :-/
I pretty much stopped having close friends and got on with my life. I have a husband so I do have that friendship intimacy there. Now i don't call anyone my 'best friend' but I do have friends. I've started having good adult friends - 30 - 45 yr olds. There's not the same pressure there. But with girls my age I know that deep down I will want that unacheivable intimacy if I let myself go down that trail. Even though i know its wrong. Girls my age are starting to reach out to me and i've naturally got close to them. But it's scary, I'm so scared of getting emotionally attached to them. I actually told my friend this and she said "Don't worry, I don't do best friends."

I also do better if I don't watch tv shows with girls being best friends cause it makes me want that.

I wish i could find the balance - wish I could stop avoiding close friendships so that I don't get clingy and make someone's life difficult or be an annoying friend!

Oops that was a really long post. Oh well, someone might relate  
(actually i'm thinking sorry for the long post, you're all going to be annoyed now, but here's me trying to come across as non-people pleasing. sigh)


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## Barbie rocks

Awww I just typed a huge post and lost it :-( I relate to all of this.


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## SunflowerSutra

I definitely understand what many of you are talking about because I always get attached to people, and then suddenly don't want anything to do with them. And I do way too much for my friends to try to make sure they'll still be friends with me.
This is the worst part about my anxiety. It makes it impossible to have relationships and I don't know if I should force myself to see people that I don't want to be around or if I should let myself avoid them.
It's really pathetic >>


----------



## ktmist

*Clingyness*

PianoTeacher, I can relate with you alot. I'll be 26 next month. As a child, I only needed one friend, and that was a best friend. I recently ran into my old best friend's mom. Her mom told me that we were super close. So close that we would hold hands at every chance we got. That was 2nd grade. I also remember in highschool after I started dating my first boyfriend that I could not maintain my friendship with my best friend and the relationship I had with my boyfriend at the same time. I've almost always only been able to handle one friendship, and I've always been very emotionally attached to that one person. I have people that will refer to me as a friend, but we only talk or hang out once in a blue moon, and I just don't really feel connected to them..and I would consider that closer to an acquaintance than a friend.

I became best friends with a girl, who I pretty much fell in love with the day that I met her (note that this DOES NOT normally happen to me...I do get clingy, but I am very selective and it usually takes me a long time to trust them before I get attached). I connected with her on so many levels, and my personality poured out when I was with her. It happened quickly and felt very natural. Generally, I find it very difficult to be myself around people, so it felt amazing to connect with someone that understood my humor, and seemingly accepted me for me. We are no longer friends due to many things, and most people I talk to that knew her (and didnt know her) tell me she is a sociopath. Yeah, buddy, I know how to choose them. But the sad thing is that I still desire what we had...so I'm kind of afraid that I will end up in a similar situation again.

I think my concept of friendship is very skewed because, I, too, have expectations for friendships that just don't seem to exist in real life. And I also have been hurt a lot.

You said that a lot of your friendships didn't last because they were unnatural. I think my relationship with others is naturally unnatural, if you will. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and a lot of my social interaction is forced because if it was not forced it would not be existant at all. Isolation comes much easier to me than connecting with others does.

I am also a people pleaser. And I lack boundaries. I will help people and help people...and help people...but literally, I could save your life, and then when I'm in the hospital due to medical complications, you (the "friend") would not be there for me. This exact situation (and others like it) has happened to me over and over again. And frankly, I feel and know that it is my own fault.

The thing that is bothering me the most right now is the fact that I really have no friends and I am not very close to anyone in my family. Like, a lot of people I see on a daily basis talk to their family everyday, text friends and family everyday, etc. They seem to have some sort of functioning relationships (whether they are healthy or dysfunctional I don't know), but I feel like I'm living life without any meaningful relationships. I get bored and uninterested with people a lot, and I just don't feel a sense of belonging a lot of the time. This is why I find it very disturbing that when I DO connect with someone on a rare occasion, and develop what I feel is trust with them, I get super attached emotionally. It's like I go from one extreme to another. I have issues with balancing things out in most areas of my life.

I know everything I wrote is kind of a giant clusterf*ck...welcome to my brain. I just thought I'd share because I have a strong desire to understand myself, and I am glad that there are other people out there, struggling with similar issues, that also want to learn more about themselves.

-Katie



pianoteacher33 said:


> Hi..I only just found this forum but can't help replying to this thread. This is totally me. Or was me. I'm 26 yr old female by the way.
> 
> I was a really clingy child who always had a 24/7 best friend - one friend was all i really wanted or needed at any one time.
> When i was 16 my best friend and I a fall-out and I suddenly felt lonely and craved meaningful emotionally close relationships. I decided to make friends. I'd never tried to make a friend in my life. I pretty much went about it like a 5 year old. I met this girl and pretty much got obsessed with her. So bad that I pretty much crushed on her. I wanted her to be my new best friend. For like 2 years I tried to make her my best friend and I put her through so much crap - argh all that pressure. And she was never brave enough to say, "I just don't want to be close to you."
> 
> I did this with numerous friends - probably 10 best friends over 10 years. I realised at some point that people hated it. They don't want the expectation and pressure heaped on them - after a few years I tried to hide the desire while getting to know them - but they could sense it. I'm easy to read. They could feel the pressure radiating from me :-/ I went through so many friends and totally people-pleased them to make them love me, poured so much of myself into them, so much time, emotion, caring, countless emails, texting them every few days, etc. In the last few years it was me caring for them. It was totally exhausting and i had some fulfilling friendships but they didn't last long because they were forced and unnatural.
> 
> Not long ago, I realised that people don't really do 24/7 friends. Most of my friends are just trying to get on with their lives and don't really want to be bothered with intense committed friendships. Almost as intense as boy-girl relationships. Several friends told me that I was seeking a type of friendship that didn't actually exist.. I could never be close enough to a girl. To get close enough to satisfy me i'd pretty much have to be married to one :-/
> I pretty much stopped having close friends and got on with my life. I have a husband so I do have that friendship intimacy there. Now i don't call anyone my 'best friend' but I do have friends. I've started having good adult friends - 30 - 45 yr olds. There's not the same pressure there. But with girls my age I know that deep down I will want that unacheivable intimacy if I let myself go down that trail. Even though i know its wrong. Girls my age are starting to reach out to me and i've naturally got close to them. But it's scary, I'm so scared of getting emotionally attached to them. I actually told my friend this and she said "Don't worry, I don't do best friends."
> 
> I also do better if I don't watch tv shows with girls being best friends cause it makes me want that.
> 
> I wish i could find the balance - wish I could stop avoiding close friendships so that I don't get clingy and make someone's life difficult or be an annoying friend!
> 
> Oops that was a really long post. Oh well, someone might relate
> (actually i'm thinking sorry for the long post, you're all going to be annoyed now, but here's me trying to come across as non-people pleasing. sigh)


----------



## Kana Mikari

Im just about as needy as a baby when it comes to things like this...
I dont meet much people (I dont go out much) But I play this virtual game, and when someone is nice to me and talk to me continiously i'd become attached like THAT, especially if they didnt think I was boring, and actually showed interest. I cling to them and follow them around like a puppy, and think constantly about meeting them in my head, within a week or less of talking to the person. Sometimes (more than not) I fall in love with the person---- (i'm bi sooo) And i'd let the person treat me any kind of way because I'm so attached and I OMG THINK THEY ARE THE BEST THING EVER- Almsot immediately. I'm even afraid to _speak_ speak to people on here, because well..you get my point. :|


----------



## calichick

this shy guy that I have been thinking about constantly since I first met him months ago just moved and I've been feeling extremely depressed like it's the end of my life.

attachment. what you experience when you rarely socialize. I believe it's because of an increase in hormones that you have, that when you do interact with people, it builds up....dangerously...some type of attachment chemical I'm guessing..


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## MushroomGeek

i feel like this, i think it due to the fact that i actually get excited that someone actually is talking to me. Many people don't listen to me as i'm too quite when in fact i can talk i just get too scared to. i hate getting attached so easily, its annoying i wish i couldn't.


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## ohm

This is how I was with guys when I was younger... I thought for awhile that it was because I was just boy crazy, but now I think it's because I never really had a male figure in my life and I subconsciously need/want male attention. Now I'm just too SA-y to worry much about boys lol


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## AceEmoKid

YESSSS. Yes, yes, yes, yes, and for the umpteenth time, YES. I get wayyyyy too attached to people. Mostly nice people. Or people who I've had a brisk chat with, who immediately catches my interest and seems genuine and down to earth. 

Even one minute encounters....I don't know if anyone else is that extreme, but I definitely do have some clinging-problems, even if I don't show it. I guess I kind of borderline as a stalker, too. But that's another story.

Strangely, I feel a stronger sense of attachment for people I've met once or see only once in a blue moon than those who are actually my friends, who I see on a daily basis. Not suprisingly, I've had to get over about 10 thousand crushes that started like this, including the one that's ravaging my heart for the past year. We were in the same class last quarter, but then switched this semester. 

It's been 4 months since the switch, but I can't get over it and it feels like--and not to be cliche--there's a hollow ache in my heart. Same thing goes for friends and acquaintances I've had in the past...It just feels so unbarebly empty. I feel like each time I meet someone and start caring too much, I'm just doing myself in. Slowly, they will drift, and I will feel a greater growing void than I've started with.


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## hulkamaniak

I am the same. I am at the point were I only really have one real friend, and I am mega attached at the moment. I've known him my whole life basically, we are both 24, so I've known him for 20 years (since preschool). 

Like others here I have always just had one good friend, and a few sideline friends but have always been attached to my main best friend. Right now I dont even have sidelines friends, it is just this friend, and I can be myself around him and we basically have all the same hobbies.

After school he was very lazy and didnt work, I barely did either due to SA, and due to that we both really relied on eachother alot and would always hang out alot. In the past 6 months we have both started working, I have made no connections at my job yet he has made tons of friends, around 10 or more.

So basically I am just mega jealous and scared as that his having more fun with them and I will loose him, or not even just loosing him, just loosing time with him. Once I get back from work, I hop straight onto the computer waiting for him to come on facebook and msn, and I desperately try and talk to him, even if I cant think of anything to say, I will pull out anything from the depths of my brain just to desperately have in chatting to me so I can feel needed and feel he still likes me. If he takes too long to reply on the computer I instantly panic thinking his talking to his new mates and not bothering with me.

So basically while talking to him on the computer im mega anxious, but then . .if he doesnt come on the computer after work, I'm mega panicking that his gone out with these guys, and once he logs in to facebook (if he does) I feel really really relieved - and then go into my crazy state of talking to him heaps.

The worst is when I am 100% aware his hanging out with them on the weekend, like if his told me his going to one of their houses, I cant stay up late, I end up going to bed really early just because I am having too much anxiety and depression, for the past 6 months alot of my energy has gone into him, its really excrutiating. Infact he just logged onto the computer as I am typing this so its time for me to desperately talk to him.


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## ijustwanttobemute

I never get attached to friends. I always get super attached to love interests though. I'm pretty sure that's my problem too. Guys never want you once they know they have you, especially if it didn't take long.


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## JenN2791

I'd like to say that... we should watch out for the people we become too attached to so easily. Just from my own experiences, there have been people who I became so attached to that they ended up taking advantage of me in some way, shape, or form.

In fact, that seems to be how everything has unfolded the moment I've become overly attached to someone. They screw me over, take w/e they could from me, and run away fast :\

All the more reason for me to try to not get attached too people. Recently became emotionally attached to someone, and there was the possible chance of them killing me (quite literally) in the end if I had not ran away sooner.

Boy, I've made stupid decisions when it comes to people :\


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## DiamondSky

*Re: Getting emotionally attached to people too easily..*



JenN2791 said:


> I'd like to say that... we should watch out for the people we become too attached to so easily. Just from my own experiences, there have been people who I became so attached to that they ended up taking advantage of me in some way, shape, or form.
> 
> In fact, that seems to be how everything has unfolded the moment I've become overly attached to someone. They screw me over, take w/e they could from me, and run away fast :\
> 
> All the more reason for me to try to not get attached too people. Recently became emotionally attached to someone, and there was the possible chance of them killing me (quite literally) in the end if I had not ran away sooner.
> 
> Boy, I've made stupid decisions when it comes to people :\


I'm so sorry that people have taken advantage of you like that, truthfully though, that says more about THEM then it does about you. But I guess you do have to be careful sometimes. The best thing that I ever did was listen to my gut-If someone is trying to hurt me, it usually lets me know.

There was a chance that someone might have killed you too??? 
Thank goodness you got away!


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## need4power

I have the opposite problem,i find it very hard to get emotionally attached to a person.


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## CWe

I think i get more attached to people who are Online then in real life. 

But i do get attached very easily also.


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## rainyday angel

*rapid emotional attachment*

thank you for posting this,
growing up i had a very abusive childhood and withdrew into myself as i aged, in the past few years ive been diagnosed with severe SA as well as PTSD and BPD.
ive been trying to get out more socailly but its been incredibly difficult for me and because ive found very few people that have been able to understand how i feel or why i act/react the way i do ive been very hard on myself for "failing" to fit in and as im "recovering" im starting to get depressed and anxious because i seem to actually be getting worse...
the last year especially ive had major diffiulty with people because as ive made progress moving away from who i was ( when i was living with the abuse) ive stopped attracting people that are more likely to abuse me and people that treat me with respect.... unfortuately i havent quite caught up to myself and with all the people im meeting now that treat me well im becoming very attached to them very quickly.... especially men.
does anyone have any tips or suggestions on how i can avoid confusing respect for attraction? and how i can not immediately "idolise" people that i let close to me???


----------



## Harlow

I definitely get attached to people, usually people I don't know very well, who show me any sort of affection. 
For example, I was recently forced to move out of my house about 2 months ago, and was homeless for about 3 days. I had to stay with my uncles friend who is probably in his mid forties, he was just really nice and we were watching this documentary about bugs on his bed, and as he got up to go to the bathroom or whatever, he touched my knee in a completely non-perverted way, more like a fatherly way, it just sort of made something click inside my head and I could not stop thinking about him for a few weeks afterwards. 

I haven't really been a position like that, where I've had to rely on other people, so that sudden splurge of gratitude was quite overwhelming.


----------



## That Quiet Girl

I guess i so. Especially if they're female because i don't have many female friends because most of them are either *****y or are only interested in going out and getting drunk. When i meet people who share similar interests i do tend to get attached.


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## Jon4than

I feel this way too. I rarely socialize with people. I actually spend most of my time avoiding people, not because I dislike them, I'm just afraid that I'll end up getting attached to them and be extremely hurt just because they did something simple, like not say hi to me or something. And there are a lot of people who have tried to befriend me, but I felt uncomfortable. It just seems like the people who I actually like, are the ones who don't care. Maybe I just get attached to the wrong people, who knows. But that is the main reason why I'm afraid to make friends. Whenever I make friends I tend to feel really close to them.


----------



## HighHeels

I suppose I do, more so online. And I hate it when I become attached to someone as I know it's going to take quite some time for the feelings to dissipate/me to come back down to earth. Not a good trait to have when you're naturally quite a territorial person who's resistant to change :lol It makes me want to stop interacting with people full stop, as it all seems rather futile.


----------



## heyzeus023

I do this all the time too. I'm glad I'm not the only one that does this a lot. Sometimes I really feel like I am though but this is proving me otherwise lol it sucks because anytime a girl I'm attracted to is nice to me, I really do become obsessed with her I guess, and the stigma for guys that are obsessive is terrible. They assume that obsession = murder and that just isn't the case, but there are so many factors that give them that "logic" that it's really hard to stop them lol


----------



## Girl Looking Into Me

I suffer what appears from "heartbreak" on what seems a regular basis because of the same issue...

I've had people come and go in my life leaving me with a humongous void in my heart. When I think about it rationally, it's silly. stupid. irrational. I'm 25 - 'GROW UP ALREADY!' But the feeling is still there and there is nothing I can do about it.

For a long, long time I confused this with being in love, but I know now that it's just love. I love people way too easily. I seriously think I would give up more than what a normal person would for a friend... even a new one.

This is like a disability sometimes. It scares me. I'm tired of people not realizing how fragile my feelings are, although at a glance no one would ever suspect. It hurts bad.


----------



## Lesprit descalier

I can completely relate to pretty much all of you... it happens pretty frequently with me. I wouldn't describe all of the instances by 'emotional' attachment, but I feel a deep pang of sadness when I cross paths with someone, a stranger essentially, and know that I am probably never going to see them again. Usually when I'm in the passenger seat of a car, I stare out at the drivers going by, and it's just sad that I'm never going to meet them or see them again. It's really pathetic... but I guess it's because I'm just really lonely and have no one except for my parents and brother in my life. It also happens with some professors I've had, and a few teachers in high school. :blush I develop 'crushes' on some, regardless of age, probably because they're the only males who I talk to (really pathetic), and when the semester ends I feel really depressed because I'm just never going to see them again...


----------



## Diego Manchego

i feel the same way. everytime i meet someone that gave any bit of a f**** about me, i get attached, although i know its just whatever for the other person... depression hits me from weird angles in that area of my life. funny thing is, i feel a little connected to you guys because you share this same feeling with me o_o .. oh well


----------



## TrcyMcgrdy1

I am pretty different. It takes me a LONG time to be able to trust someone enough to attach emotionally. I like being friendly for a while first to test the waters. get emotionally attached to everyone and you are gonna get hurt pretty often!


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## jamgirl90

yeah sometimes im think people are cool and then I am mistaken they change and drop you on your face when you need them. Im working on myself now and being happy with who I am and not caring too much about others and knowing that I really dont need them. I also realized that its not me with the problem its them because I have a lot of good qualities to offer and if they dont want to get to know me then they are missing out on a great person.


----------



## Girl Looking Into Me

Diego Manchego said:


> i feel a little connected to you guys because you share this same feeling with me o_o .. oh well


Hahah I know what you mean. I kind of felt the same way.


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## hankhill

Wow I thought I was the only one that felt like this. It's recently been happening to me a lot. I met this girl in school and were started talking for about 3 weeks. She gave me her number without me asking for it and I became so attached. It was like we had so much in common. I called her once and we talked on the phone for a few minutes a week after school was over. I texted her back 2 days later and she never replied.. It's been 3 weeks and I haven't texted her back. I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk anymore or lost interest in me. For the last 3 weeks all I did was think about what she was doing and who she was with. Well last Friday I went to a concert with some friends. As I was making my way to get in front of the stage some girl grabbed my hand so she can follow me and get to the front. After we got there she started dancing with me and started guiding my hands to her waist with hers. We danced for like 4 hours until the concert was over. When it was time to leave we said goodbye and that was it. I feel like an idiot because I never even asked her for her number. The good thing is that this new girl kinda helped me get over my attachment to the girl I met in school. The bad thing is I will probably never see the new girl again. She lives in Philadelphia and I live in nyc.I've been a pretty popular guy my whole life. I have a lot of great friends and I've has like 4 g/f. idk why I get so attached to girls though. It's not even in a sexual way i just want their company. like right now i feel so depressed because i will never see this girl again. i hate this feeling i dont even feel like talking to anybody. Sorry for the long post and any spelling errors since I'm typing this on my phone. I just want some help on getting over this attachement I always get to others.


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## hankhill

And another thing I can't even listen to music by the band I went to watch in the concert because it just reminds me of her.


----------



## Sabreena

This whole thread is amazing. Thank you for posting this, OP. 

I used to be so indifferent to people a couple years ago. I had a couple friends and that was all I needed. But in the past couple of years, my anxiety has gotten much better and I've been taking more risks when it comes to friendship. I started chatting with people online and texting people and actually TALKING to some of my classmates. Then I turned into a huge clingy mess! Every time someone was nice to me in some way or had one conversation with me, I would become completely obsessed with them and it would take me months and months and months to get rid of the obsession and the guilt that came with the obsession. 

And don't even get me started on the crushes. I would be attracted to some random person who I've never spoken to in my life and I would obsess over them so much and feel so guilty about it that I would try to be in denial about it, which would just end up with me being even more attached to them...

I've given up on people now. People are jerks. They lie to you, they use you, they screw you over. I refuse to care anymore. I refuse to attempt to make friends or reconnect with old friends. Caring about people just hurts you in the long run.


----------



## Gryffindor85

I used to have this problem, but after getting hurt from getting attached too easily so many times, I have put up a barrier that would be very hard for someone to get through.


----------



## McdonaldMiller

I think I do this as well. Anyone that treats me nice I get attached to.


----------



## Gryffindor85

McdonaldMiller said:


> I think I do this as well. Anyone that treats me nice I get attached to.


I've started to learn that some people treat me nice in an attempt to use me.


----------



## Alas Babylon

I think I'm actually the opposite. It takes a long time for me to feel attached to someone. I don't know why personally, its probably a mix of introversion, paranoia and being socially inept.


----------



## HarryStanluv25

I get emotionally attached to people quickly. I badly want friends, people who care about me, that I hope they stay in my life very soon after I meet them. I have been dumped by so many friends along the way and do not become friends with those I wish I could, so I attach quickly. Even if I only met this person a couple times they still created memories in my mind and I find it hard to let that person go. I can't help but hope one day something really sticks.


----------



## p00kie

hi everybody, i've been following this thread for a bit now, i'm relieved i'm not alone.. this malady we're all suffering from, whats the cure? i've just realized that after people i care about back away from me i become cold and aggressive, and tend to build walls around myself..


----------



## ilana

This is something that scares me about having friends again. I'm worried I'll become emotionally dependent and paranoid. Sometimes I think, "you don't need friends", but it's clear they do make life easier and more fun.


----------



## p00kie

hey i feel the same way :help


----------



## It Never Ends

LyricallyAnonymous said:


> I don't get attached easily in any sense, but when I do get attached, I can't f ucking let go. I hate this about myself


I'm the same. I usually just don't give a **** about anybody.


----------



## ninjagirl965

Wow i thought it was just me being weird, usually i dont trust people at all but i had started to notice that certain people i would just attatch to and i didnt know why i just thought about them consantly and got very upset when i didnt hear from them. Its so nice to know im not the only one.


----------



## Giygas

I can relate to most of the posts here, and it's nice to know we're all in like company. I tend to think I'm pretty defective (I know logically I'm pretty kickin' rad, but I can't help the constant negative self-talk to the contrary), so if someone has a bit of a thing for me or thinks I'm cute or whatever I'll mentally latch on to them like a fatter, hairier lamprey. As soon as I realize I'm doing this, I get nervous that the other person will eventually realize I had the audacity to reciprocate their feelings and toss me to the curb, so I distance myself emotionally as hard as possible before something bad inevitably happens.


----------



## Giygas

Gryffindor85 said:


> I've started to learn that some people treat me nice in an attempt to use me.


One thing I've noticed is that it's very hard for me to tell when I'm being used. I'm pretty handy and good with computers, so I get called on a lot to help assemble furniture or replace a cracked iPhone screen or repair a laptop or whatever. I'm sure some of the people I've helped are just nice to me because they can get something out of it, and I'm sure some people genuinely liked me for who I was. The problem is that due to my many cognitive distortions it's almost impossible for me to tell.


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## Farideh

This used to happen to me but now that I have realized how horrible people can make me feel, I don't have this problem anymore.


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## AnnieKay

Hi. This actually happened to me recently with someone i met online. I usually don't meet people online or post whatsoever. I am usually afraid of being rejected, more than in person i guess, cause at least in person i can see what their reactions are. On here I really can't. So anyways, I thought there was something really wrong with me (and i hope there isn't) for me to get quickly attached to someone who made me feel good and i thought we clicked. I even fell for the person within a short couple of weeks. I feel really bad the way it turned out and it has been bugging me for the past week..that he won't talk to me. I don't know what he is thinking or if he even likes me. I had this unreasonable fantasy that i would some day meet him even though he lives so far away. I may have scared him away, lol. I guess I don't know my limits when it comes to people. I just get in a certain mood, a happy mood, and nothing else seems to matter..just me and that person. Now, someone has mentioned stalking earlier. I have a tendancy to do that too when i really like someone if I feel they are pulling away from me or letting me go. I get jealous. It is sickening to me that I would actually check up on the person, but I can't help it sometimes. This person wouldn't even skype or whatever with me, and i understand his situation. He said things to me that no one has ever said, and the tone he put it. I am married, btw, and am having problems, and he was the joy of my life at the time. And now that he doesn't want to talk, i feel lonely and depressed and think about him all the time. I think it has to do with my abandonment issues and self-esteem. Or maybe finally finding someone to talk with, it could have been a girl, lol. So anyways, I would like to know if anyone knows how to get over someone that they have gotten attached to? Cause it happens to me a lot in real life too. Had problems early on when old boyfriends broke up with me and i thought they were the one...Well, i feel better i am not the only one, not not so good because i might have scared someone off that i really cared about.


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## ISingForMe

This thread is like a year old but I still find it insightful. So let me share my thoughts on this.

I'm feeling this way too. I never tried making real friends back then. I used to be an ugly kid, so yeah, people hang out with me but not in a sort of "bestfriend" depth. But I've grown up and knew how to take care of myself better, finding out that I sorta looked ok. A lot of people (though I'm not close to them) even tell me I resemble Edward Cullen a lot. Flattering, I know. But I'm not full of it.

With this note, I figured maybe I had such a low self-esteem before that subconsciously hindered me from making my own moves to make real friends. And now, now that I feel like I'm better suited to this cruel world, and I'm aware of the potential relationships I might possibly have, I just feel overexcited when someone shows appreciation and a little bit of attention to me. And that's also another thing. I consider those attention overvaluable that I mistake them for something else. Oftentimes I would think something is deeper when in reality it's just casual camaraderie. And when they leave, I just feel awfully lost. I think about them so much that all I notice is the distance between them and myself.

The worst thing is it keeps happening again and again. It's like a timebomb waiting to blow up. So now I communicate really formally at work, showing little interest when people invite me to have lunch with them, to hang out on weekends, and all. My system sort of fit itself into a mold: one that desperately wants intimate closeness, not necessarily romance, but that bestfriend I never had.

I know after days of depression I'd start feeling better. But I'm always afraid it's going to happen again sooner or later. One thing's for sure: the ending, it's always sad for me.


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## ISingForMe

Sabreena said:


> This whole thread is amazing. Thank you for posting this, OP.
> 
> I used to be so indifferent to people a couple years ago. I had a couple friends and that was all I needed. But in the past couple of years, my anxiety has gotten much better and I've been taking more risks when it comes to friendship. I started chatting with people online and texting people and actually TALKING to some of my classmates. Then I turned into a huge clingy mess! Every time someone was nice to me in some way or had one conversation with me, I would become completely obsessed with them and it would take me months and months and months to get rid of the obsession and the guilt that came with the obsession.
> 
> And don't even get me started on the crushes. I would be attracted to some random person who I've never spoken to in my life and I would obsess over them so much and feel so guilty about it that I would try to be in denial about it, which would just end up with me being even more attached to them...
> 
> I've given up on people now. People are jerks. They lie to you, they use you, they screw you over. I refuse to care anymore. I refuse to attempt to make friends or reconnect with old friends. Caring about people just hurts you in the long run.


I think I might really have done the same thing. People at work are really close and when I got in, they were so friendly and warm and welcoming, you know. But I distance myself from them. I mean, I converse even casual subjects to them but that's it, nothing more. I don't try to be comfortable around people or make them my friends. It allows me to focus on my job.
And I've been doing this so amazingly until I attended this event and met this person. What would one expect of course, it was an album launch for a musician and it's a no-brainer everyone there has a common interest. Story short, I'm back to square one. Been-there-done-that-likely-to-do-it-all-over-again stuff. It's exhausting.


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## kast

Wow, I'm glad to find this post and see that it's a common experience with many of you. Becoming attached too easily is a problem for me that started in my teens alongside my SAD. When I was a kid, I was content with a few friends who I mostly ate lunch with and didn't see much outside of school. Now I crave really deep connections with anyone who is nice to me.

I'm lonely and starved for attention, so I interpret casual friendliness or even politeness as an indication that I've found my best friend. If someone simply taps me on the shoulder when they greet me, I'm suddenly filled with affection for them. I even start to fantasize about all the great times we'll have and that we'll be life-long friends. :um I know it's unrealistic and clingy, but I can't stop thinking like that. It feels really pathetic.

I don't know how to make or sustain a friendship, so the person inevitably ends up disappearing from my life and I feel like I've lost something really important, even if I hadn't known them for very long. On the outside, I actually end up acting quite aloof to people I'm obsessing about. Because I'm so aware of my creepy feelings and I don't want to scare the person. Yet this just pushes them away anyway.

I'm usually only able to be attached to one person at a time, though. I become so infatuated with one person that I abandon all efforts at making other friends.


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## kast

To overcome this, I suspect I need to be open to making friends with anyone and everyone. Even if I don't really want to. Then the experience of a friendship wouldn't feel like such an amazing novelty that I'm desperately lacking, and I could be more relaxed when people come in and out of my life.

I also have high expectations of what friendship means. I keep longing for some epic ancient friendship bond that's closer than romantic partners, even though I know this really only happens in fiction.


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## ilana

I can relate to everything you've written, kast. Maybe all the TV and movies we watch help give us an unrealistic view of friends and relationships, even if we consciously know it's not really like that in real life. Learning not to dream and fantasize so much about life helps me, kinda.


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## IRSadface

I tend to only get emotionally attached to fictional characters. As strange as it sounds.


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## kast

IRSadface said:


> I tend to only get emotionally attached to fictional characters. As strange as it sounds.


Yes, I've noticed this is also common to shy and socially anxious people. I chill out about it after a while but I do initially get sucked into fandoms for TV shows and become obsessive about it.


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## stupidstill

Well I've been looking around for a while to get to the answer of how to get detached from someone you are so attached to but to no avail.

Last year I've got very attached to my college friend. She got nearer and nearer to me, and when I was getting more and more attached to her, she was retreating. We used to spend all time together. Moreover, we studied for exams together and even admitted to the med school and made it together. I became very obsessed that when she returns home i keep checking to notice her online on the phone messenger; i used to go nuts if i miss her for 2 hours or so. I got very attached to her that I was ready to do anything, anything she wanted and had no problem to. She isn't from the type that gets attached to friends. Since late last year, I started feeling that she's got no interest in being my friend other than with respect to studying, and I used to get depressed and down for days thinking whether she does care or not. Recently, I decided to let go a bit because i was only having mood swings and frustration thinking about all the issue. Now we are kinda neutral friends; I still love her so much, but I'm being more realistic and thinking of the issue from a down-to-earth perspective; she initiates a talk only when she wants to ask me about something related to college or studying. She criticizes my thoughts, and I feel that she likes nothing in me. I loved her more than anything else and showed her that I do really care; but either she's blind, or I'm off her priority list. 
Afterall, I have dignity and can't force myself more. If she really cares, she'll look back. If she doesn't, it's fine. There'll always be oxygen in the air, and life goes on.


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## stupidstill

Detaching from someone you're so attached to while u know you're going to be with him everyday (in college for instance) is one of the hardest things to do because among the first steps of detachments is to forget that person or get away from him. It really hurts; it kills indeed.


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## RelinquishedHell

Anxiety does cause you to have elevated oxytocin levels which is a bonding hormone that causes you to seek comfort in others.

I also get attached to people to easily :/


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## mesmerize

i used to be this way when i was a child.......i think i just credited people to much value when they really dont deserve it.
they are nice to look nice...they aren't nice out of true feeling. or they are just nice cause they are in the mood.....
basicly people fake a bit all the time and you didnt realize that yet so you pick up on cues and take them for granted


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## hp123

boosh said:


> I've had this problem for a while and it's gotten even worse. Any person I meet at some sort of 1 off event and I 'click' with them/ they show me some sort of affection, I start to get clingy towards them. Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.
> 
> E.g The first time I met my brother's girlfriend, after 3 days of her staying with me and my brother, I immediately developed some sort of attachment towards her and haven't been able to get rid of it since. As soon as she left, I felt lonely and depressed the following days again. I do weird things like keep mementos to remind me of the people I met and got attached to. With her, I kept smelling this t-shirt of mine I let her borrow once she had gone, because the scent of her perfume was still on there.
> 
> Long story short, the other day she said for certain she wants to move abroad and emigrate (likely permanently), regardless of whether my brother choses to move with her.
> 
> This has had me feeling extremely down these past days, I haven't even known her for a year, I don't understand why I care so much (I've not exactly fallen for her or anything, I want her to be with my brother, I've just developed a strong attachment) . I'm paranoid and extremely anxious she'll break up with my brother because he won't move with her, emigrate and I'll never see her again. I'm worrying about their relationship like it's my parents getting a divorce or something
> 
> Sorry for the long wall of text, this has never left my thoughts this past week, I needed to let it out somewhere. I've been sad and felt really low simply over this, makes me feel like I'm really not normal, anyone else had similar experiences to getting attached to people quickly? I feel kind of stupid. i'm 18, my brother is 29, his girlfriend is 26 btw


I totally get what you mean! I also tend to get very attached to people quickly. Like you mentioned, it does get to a point where I get "clingy" and obsessive even if I may have only met this person once for a short amount of time.

I tend to come across as a distant or detached person. I have a hard time properly communicating with people and with developing/maintaining meaningful relationships. That being said, it's no wonder that I frequently feel extreme bouts of loneliness. So when I get to interact with people and have moments where we "click", or when people are friendly when they talk with me, it's a big deal to me. I get giddy, and I'll immediately want to befriend them.

Like you also mentioned, I can also relate in that I don't completely understand why I'm like this either. Committing to many relationships can be tiring (saying that makes me feel guilty, but it's just the way I am...). But I do have a close friend I still go out of my way to keep in touch with since we live far away from each other now. I also hang out with people that live in the same hall as me, and that definitely takes away the loneliness for a little while, but I guess I still want to get on a deeper level of friendship with them. Maybe I'm scared to go deeper despite the fact that that's what I want. It does seem kind of stupid, doesn't it? I know a lot of this is on me because of my personality and my fears, but this is also a part of life.

People have their own agendas, so they're bound to leave others and make new connections. And usually, it's nothing personal towards us (or at least that's what I would hope).

I hate saying goodbye, but I find it much more painful when people leave without even saying goodbye.. Eventually, I'll accept that people have to go, and I'll hope for the best for them. And if leaving and going somewhere else is what they think is best for them, so be it. But I can't disregard the fact that it's very sad and painful. It's also difficult when I have to leave behind people I care about too.

Severing close friendships and connections is such a painful thing, and sometimes commitment to long-term relationships on any level can seem tiring. That's why I've wondered if it's worth trying to connect with people if you know that someday their departure is inevitable... But I've realized that there's no way I could ever cut myself off from forming relationships with other people completely. Despite my quiet and distant personality, I guess I'm a hopelessly optimistic or "stupid" in the sense that I will always want to pursue deep, platonic connections with others even though I know I will get hurt.


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## Gizamalukeix

I tend to get attached to certain people sometimes. I doubt anyone has ever suspected it because I never show it. I limit how much I'm around them or talk to them unless they initiate it. If I found out someone was really interested in me I'd probably be more flattered than anything else, especially if they're female. I may have those feelings but I never let anyone know that. I guess I'm lonely.


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## inerameia

I get attached to anyone who shows the slightest interest in me. I feel really foolish, hurt and down when they lose interest. Makes me so sad :cry


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## Gamesizer

omofca said:


> I get attached to anyone who shows the slightest interest in me. I feel really foolish, hurt and down when they lose interest. Makes me so sad :cry


I can totally relate. I think this attachment is why I lost some friends in my first few years of high school. For the first time, I was actually making friends (after having a socially-deprived experience in elementary school) and I just got too clingy and attached.
I've learned to appear less attached by keeping my feelings about my new friends to myself (and my relationships with them have lasted longer because of that) but the problem's still there since I keep thinking about them when they're not around.:blank


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## inerameia

Gamesizer said:


> I can totally relate. I think this attachment is why I lost some friends in my first few years of high school. For the first time, I was actually making friends (after having a socially-deprived experience in elementary school) and I just got too clingy and attached.
> I've learned to appear less attached by keeping my feelings about my new friends to myself (and my relationships with them have lasted longer because of that) but the problem's still there since I keep thinking about them when they're not around.:blank


For me it was mostly with attractive girls
Couple the over-attachment issue with insecurity and you'll chase the person off or so I've learned. I've definitely learned to be more conservative with my feelings. And I too think about them sometimes although I try to think of other things instead, so that works. But sometimes I also get paranoid. I keep that to myself though and I later learn my fears are unfounded


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## SnowFlakesFire

Yes.


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## namasthey

I was not loved by my parents
and growing up there wasnt anyone around
Even i get attached with anyone i meet
I end up calling them often
Now i tried to distance myself
as there have been loads of negative consequences

Lately i feel attached to my psychiatrist 
since he shows some interest in me

This week he asked me to spread my fingers
and hold his fingers tightly
So we almost held each others fingers.

I was feeling weird
Then he said he was checking whether i have tremors

Whatever but anybody showing remote interest in me 
leads to a deep disaster.

This is in todays newspaper case of a women
without friends, bad childhood, bad marriage, attachment to only daughter
and finally end
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/mumbai/...ex-husbands-building/articleshow/20217812.cms


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## Riri11

u sound inlove


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## Gamesizer

omofca said:


> ...I later learn my fears are unfounded


I guess that's pretty much something that happens a lot for people with SA when it comes to other people :b Myself included of course.


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## Cheeszle

Really glad I found this thread.

I pretty much jump from extremities. One second hot, next second cold. I make friends really easily, but get attached to one person just as quickly. I've had several 'Best Friends' over the years(mind you, not a lot, seeing as I'm 14.) , and I ended up losing interest in them after a while. I get extremely attached, and as soon as they get just as attached, I feel the need to distance myself from them. As for my family, I'm pretty much described as indifferent. I also get really angry for no reason when I'm around them. I just sit in my room all day, avoiding them, and soon, I hang out with them. I don't want to be that kid, but if people would hear my situation, they would probably blame it on the fact that my father cheated on my mother and has three other children, but I don't believe it. I feel like it had something to do with my mental state, but I... Just don't know. I want to dedicate my life to helping people, and I can't do that without helping myself first. I know I seem rather young for all of this, but I guess you're never ACTUALLY too young. I'm not hurting myself physically, but I might as well be. My mental state is just.. Urghhh.


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## Beingofglass

I used to get emotionally attached easily, just before my depression, and shortly afterwards aswell. I just figured it to be insecurity and neediness, and I suppose these traits stem from a lack of attention and love.


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## IamSociallyAwkwardPenguin

I also have this problem. I think its because my brain works overtime when I feel any sort of connection with someone as it happens so rarely. I also confuse friendship and love because I never really experience either.


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## Kimonosan

I know the feeling. The same thing happens with me. For a while I was really depressed when my best friend basically had too much of a life to hang out with me, so I latched onto my boyfriend. Which really isn't much better since when he isn't around I feel like I don't exist sometimes. It's a process though to become self aware and then actually act on ot. So you have the first step down.


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## Crouchyftw

There's this boy I'm emotionally attached to. I met him a few months ago. I was so happy. Even though I'd only known him a few days before I met him, in my mind it was like it was meant to be, like he was the one. Little did I realise how obsessive I was, and how it got to the point where he completely cut me off. I bumped into him again yesterday and we got talking again and spent the day together. I can already feel myself getting so emotionally attached to him again. In my head, I keep going over scenarios like if he's going to cut me off again. I don't think I'd be able to cope. It's so confusing and when I'm not with him, I feel so lonely, like theres no one else around and I go into deep depression mode again. I hate it and I just wish I knew how to solve it :/


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## Shygirl427

Yes, experiencing this now actually and I've been depressed for the last couple of days because the guy I was emotionally attached too completely cut me off and basically wants nothing to do with me. So I can totally relate @Crouchyftw...I felt like we were so compatible and it just hurts to think he doesn't feel the same  

What sucks even more is that although I know I get emotionally attached very easily..I don't know how to stop myself. And I am already sad by the fact that I'm bound to like someone else and get emotionally attached to them as well. I have decided to save myself by no longer dating or holding myself back from getting too close to someone but I know it will be hard for me to do. I wish there was a way to change this but I refuse to be so let down and hurt again by someone who doesn't feel the same way.

Edit: Just went through this whole thread and just wanted to say that reading everyone's comments has really helped me to feel a lot better. I don't feel so crazy and alone anymore. You have no idea how much this has helped. So thanks 

This has definitely given me more insight into why I am the way I am and that it's something that I need to be aware of.


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## lexis

On my first day of my new job I met a girl who was really nice and we talked a bit. She invited me to sit in her car on breaks and smoke a cigarette with her. I just thought she was such a nice fun person. I saw us being friends outside of work and hanging out. At the end of the week she had to change to a different shift. I told her to add me on facebook, she never did. I found her on facebook but decided not to be a total clingy psycho. It sucks though.


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## namasthey

Crouchyftw said:


> There's this boy I'm emotionally attached to. I met him a few months ago. I was so happy. Even though I'd only known him a few days before I met him, in my mind it was like it was meant to be, like he was the one. Little did I realise how obsessive I was, and how it got to the point where he completely cut me off. I bumped into him again yesterday and we got talking again and spent the day together. I can already feel myself getting so emotionally attached to him again. In my head, I keep going over scenarios like if he's going to cut me off again. I don't think I'd be able to cope. It's so confusing and when I'm not with him, I feel so lonely, like theres no one else around and I go into deep depression mode again. I hate it and I just wish I knew how to solve it :/


sounds like erotomania


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## easy

*infatuation*

I googled "a feeling when you have a new friend then you want to get attached to them always" and i found this thread. I'm amazed with all the replies and I can relate to most of them.

But I realized that even the friend is not new, like she's been a friend before but it's only now that she shows interest to me or to care about me, I get easily attached. Like, I want to talk to them always. I also feel like I want to hug them. But most of the time, I to avoid them. Not just because I already have a boyfriend, but I do not like it when I get too attached already and they do not give you attention anymore like before. Sometime, even if those people are sweet enough to me, I try respond coldly so as to stop them from doing things. It's because even if it's a boy or a girl, i'm afraid i might get some sort of infatuation or worse.


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## millenniumman75

It's a sign of insecurity, really. We depend on other people's reactions for validation? That's a bit hard to maintain, too - all the people pleasing.


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## cosmic dust

ReincarnatedRose said:


> I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.


Same :b But in regard to your whole post, I honestly do believe it comes from the simple need to be loved. No man or woman is an island and anyone who thinks you should be completely okay with being alone for years on end, is not being reasonable, in my opinion - do you think that too? But, yeah, the clingy thing should be kept to the bare minimum or avoided all together. It's gained me nothing at all, just a bunch of embarrassing memories, but the good thing is, those embarrassing experiences have caused me to be far more wary about my behavior and I just don't go there anymore. I can't even be bothered with flirting anymore either. It's all a waste of time.


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## cosmic dust

boosh - you just sound like a nice caring person to me. I recognize some of my own behavior in your experiences and, I don't know - I can't be bothered seeing it as negative anymore. But in saying that, in regard to my own similar behaviors, I don't like to waste too much time on things that aren't going to produce any positive results for me either - but that's only come with time really. Anyway - I totally relate.


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## serquet

I am so glad that I found this thread. It is reassuring to know that I'm not alone with this and that some of you have found ways of dealing with it.

I find with me it goes both ways. I will be really, really attached to someone, and want to do everything with them, and talk to them as much as possible, while completely blocking out other people. I find it very difficult splitting my attention in any kind of situation, so I suppose it would be linked to that. 

The obvious downside, as so many people have pointed out, is that by becoming overly attached it is incredible easy to push that person away. It has been the case with every relationship I have been in that this is what ultimately contributes to its breakdown. I am lucky that I am now seeing someone who is very understanding of my issues and is keen to talk me through them and help me rather than backing away, but I still feel ashamed and embarrassed when I go through a stage of super clinginess.

I try to help myself by distracting myself with something that will consume my whole attention (playing an immersive computer game, doing research, throwing myself into work) and most of the time it helps ease me away from my clingy thoughts and feelings. Not always though. 

I am keen to hear more of how other people cope with this.


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## Gnisten09

I genuinely thought I was alone with this but reading through this thread, I've found myself relating to a lot of the replies.

I get attached way too easily. If someone's nice to me in anyway, I'll get attached instantly. I thought I was just really weird for doing that but this has made me feel a lot less weird.

I've never felt like I could talk to my parents about everything and anything, I've never really had a close relationship with them or brothers for that matter. There wasn't a lot of love and affection, or heart to heart's. I think that's the main reason why I crave it now and attach to the smallest act of kindness now. 

Like I'm in this situation right now with a girl on my soccer team. Like I haven't really paid much attention to her until a few months ago when we shared a few laughs at practice and then boom I couldn't get her out of my mind. Since then we've talked quite a bit but never outside of soccer (with the exceptions of a few tweets back and forth). I'm really crushing hard and I'm super attached to her. I get sad when she doesn't show up at practice, I miss her all the time (although I don't feel like I should), I protect her when someone speaks badly of her and she's moving away in a few weeks, I get really sad and depressed about it because that means I won't get to see her as often as I do now but like I wouldn't call us friends because that involves hanging out/talking outside of soccer in my opinion. We're just teammates, we didn't even talk that much until a few months ago. Mostly because I keep all my teammates at arms length and distance myself from them because I know I get easily attached, it's the only way I know I can protect myself from getting hurt and it's worked well until now. I just wanna be close to her, be with her even (not gonna happen though). I care about her like crazy but I don't really know her. 

I think I just need someone. I don't really have any friends, I talk to a couple of people online but that's it. I've never had any close friends growing up, I've always been kinda of a loner but I've always cared a lot about other people. I think when you've been alone for a very long time, you just start yearn for someone.. anyone and the second someone is nice to you, you latch onto them because in that second, you felt a little bit less lonely. 

Sorry if there's any mistakes, it's late and I'm tired but I just want to write a post before I went to bed


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## blueness

Of course, I'm used to that nobody gives a flying rat's *** about me so when someone seems to care and respect me I start getting mirages about them like a starving, thirsty person in desert. But starving for social interaction instead.


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## Noll

i have this too. i'll fall in love with any at least fairly attractive girl, just if i see her much or talk to her much, and i make up these fantasies (rarely sexual) and they'll never ever even notice me being attracted, because apparently i'm some kind of asexual object and all signs from me lead to nowhere. that's the way it's been going so far anyways.


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## JadedJade

boosh said:


> Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.


This can sum up the last year in a half for me.



JenN2791 said:


> *deep sigh* I always felt alone on this, always thinking I must be psycho for being so easily attached to people. I had always been like this, and never realized so until last year.


I've actually suffered from this since I was a kid, but only recently recognized it as a serious issue after reflecting back on some events in my life. I've always been a tomboy and still am, yet on one of my clothes shopping days I picked out something I personally would not wear. I did for only short times, but it eventually dawned on me that the style and even colors were sooted for the person I've developed an obsession with. It scared the hell out of me when I finally figured it all out and quickly got rid of the clothes so not to keep as an humilating reminder!

I thing that upsets me the most is I don't want this to be an obsession. I'm a deep thinker and can see things vividly and what I imagine could or most likely happen freaks me out, makes me feel great shame and like I'm violating or disappointing this person I want to have a real normal friendship relationship with. It's a huge struggle not to do, say or act what has become a habit, even in my mind, when I'm around those rare people who are nice and give comfort.



JenN2791 said:


> The reason I'm so easily attached to people is because I never really received any love or affection growing up. Parents always pushed me away whenever I wanted to hug/kiss or talk to them.


Same with me. Parents always directed me to the bible or god whenever I so much as showed a hint of negative emotions.



JenN2791 said:


> Today I try not to be so attached because it does scare some people away. It's like WOAH!! EASY THERE! I try to put myself in their shoes. ...If someone you're friends with suddenly became RIDICULOUSLY attached to you and has to rely on you for literally everything, how would you feel? And I know for a fact that if someone was like that with me, I'd for sure be pretty darn irritated and want them to leave me alone....I just keep in mind that everyone has a life. You can't be part of it 24/7 really.


I constantly think about the other person and know if I were in their position I'd react frustrated or annoyed to me as well, though at times I really struggle to control myself. Not having really any affection for as long as I have has taken a tole on me. Part of me wants it out of desperation, while another part wants it to come naturally so it means something in the end rather than the other person giving in out of sympathy or feeling sorry for you or doing it just cause you've dropped your sob story on them.


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## NerfherderSheWrote

Me too. :/ And not just with girls -- male friends, too.


----------



## OautumnO

omgosh I can't even begin to explain how glad I am that i'm not the only onne who gets like this. thank you so much


----------



## sportyant

I also have this issue sometimes, I just feel connected to random people such as teachers/therapists/friends. It happens with friends and professional elders. I don't know why but I just have this deep desire to spend time with them and for them to like me. Its good to know that I am not they only one that feels like this, but I wish there was a way to help all of these people who are in the same boat as me...


----------



## FunkyFedoras

I do this too and it's because I don't know that many people! I really try not to do this but I can't help feeling that attachment. And when I realize that I'm too attached, I distance myself because I feel like it would be better for the other person and they don't need me anyway 'cause they have so many other friends. And this is bad because it's how I keep losing friends ;-; 
I have reasoned that maybe I just wasn't meant to have friends.


----------



## inerameia

I get attached easily too when I feel a connection. Maybe it's because I'm lonely. I don't know about you but for me that makes sense


----------



## Cadenza

Now that you've brought this up, I realised that I'm kinda like that too!

I tend to feel emotionally attached as long as you're nice enough to me (especially so for girls).

In my thread I posted here: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f249/what-a-terrible-feeling-606225/ , I feel rather attached to some friends whom I had only known for about a month or 2.


----------



## musicman1965

I believe getting emotionally attached (easily) serves the purpose of filling a void. Whatever that void may be, being near that person and having that feeling of connection with them makes that empty space inside seem full and meaningful.


----------



## Archeron

I admit i'm guilty of that..One of many disadvantages of being utterly lonely. 
But easy come,easy gone.


----------



## Malek

I have this problem. I think to certain individuals who are able to miraculously make it through my bubble of leave me alone, I believe I eventually scare them off or am too afraid to, so I eventually sabotage the friendship somehow...

The more attached I become, the more early on I try to sabotage it by pretending to be aloof or pointing out my very many faults, because the higher they lift my spirits, the more I'll fall when they eventually move on to someone who is not as broken as me.
:|

No one in real life hardly is aware of half the stuff I type on here, only two people who would come close is my immediate family, my mother and brother, yet they don't know my true feelings on the matter, how could they?

It would be quite an amusing day if someone I knew in real life somehow deduced that this was me, they would be so surprised yet it would all fit together and make sense. I feel safe because I know for a fact, no one in my life would care enough to even accidentally make that connection, even if they too suffered from SA and utilized this same site. They're not going to stumble upon my profile and connect the dots, that would be ludicrous. In a subtle sick way I want this to happen because of my curiosity, I've never reached out in real life, I'm curious what someone would say so I type a lot of personal stuff and post pics, that's about it. Any inbred idiot could deduce--and yet I'm 99.9% sure this will never happen.
(A little off topic yes, but this is just an after thought, I get attached to people who are capable of understanding me or have that keen ability to pry the truth from me, these people are exceptionally rare in real life, and when I come across them I avoid them like the plague because I don't want to disappoint them in any way shape or form. )


----------



## Raeden

I can easily become temporarily infatuated with anyone who is at all nice to me.


----------



## jimboNoHope

You all 'get each other', great. My advice is to meet as many people as you possibly can, people of diverse persuasions and demeanours, and rejoice in the moment you have with them. Don't look forward until you learn the social queues. Be a friend that asks for nothing in return (by this i mean act cool, rasta cool ). 

You will eventually plateau and realize you know what to do when you meet new people and how to form bonds. Context is very relevant.


----------



## scorch428

*Processing Emotion*

The reason people with SA become attached easier is because we process emotion different than normal people.

"It's almost like the emotional part of their brain doesn't have the brakes put on it in the way that it should." Dr. Murray Stein

For myself at least, it seems that I have higher highs and much lower lows than most people. I just wish I could be normal. I've gotten pretty good at hiding it over the years, but on the inside, all the feelings and self-doubt are always there.


----------



## jimboNoHope

scorch428 said:


> The reason people with SA become attached easier is because we process emotion different than normal people.
> 
> "It's almost like the emotional part of their brain doesn't have the brakes put on it in the way that it should." Dr. Murray Stein
> 
> For myself at least, it seems that I have higher highs and much lower lows than most people. I just wish I could be normal. I've gotten pretty good at hiding it over the years, but on the inside, all the feelings and self-doubt are always there.


I read not an explanation here.


----------



## MattyD88

Yep, I'm completely like this, likely due to me isolating myself most of the time.


----------



## Starless Sneetch

This is a huge problem with me as well. It does not just stop with people I know in real life, either. I get super attached to some of my internet friends, too.

I do agree that we do this because we are trying to fill the void. We haven't had friends, so we glom on to anyone who is remotely nice to us.


----------



## AxeDroid

musicman1965 said:


> I believe getting emotionally attached (easily) serves the purpose of filling a void. Whatever that void may be, being near that person and having that feeling of connection with them makes that empty space inside seem full and meaningful.


This is how I feel.


----------



## Kalliber

I do that );


----------



## sliplikespace

If someone so much as gives me even a bit of positive attention it's possible for this to happen and I absolutely hate it. Last time this happened to me I was a wreck for a few weeks.


----------



## Quatermass

I haven't had this problem before. I guess I've always managed to keep people at a distance. I've met many people over the years, and maybe I've felt a bit sad when I knew I wasn't going to see them again, but it usually passes quickly. The wall I've built around myself has always been very strong, and I usually don't let anyone inside. It protects me from possible rejection and disappointment, and I realize now that it also protects me from the problem mentioned in this thread, emotional attachment. 

But that one time I let my defenses down and alowed a person, a rather attractive woman, to get in, it went really bad. I became obsessed with her, I still am to some degree even though she's no longer in my life, and it has possibly been the worst time in my life. I suppose it is cause for some concern. I'd rather not make that misstake again, but at the same time I realize that I need to get better at connecting emotionally with people. How do you find the right balance?


----------



## titania

I completely identify with many of the posts on this thread.

My current situation is that I have generally managed to stay emotionally distant from friends. I have many friend now mostly online through gaming. I know my Achilles heal is guys who are really friendly and nice, and I have a rule to help me not ruin those friendships, which is "all guys are assumed to be 'just being friendly', until such time as they express romantic interest. 

This has been great, up until a couple of weeks ago when a male friend did express romantic/sexual interest in me. He had been really friendly up to that point, and I could feel my growing interest and possible attachment growing, but I stuck to my rule. Now that he expressed an interest in me (including sex talk on his part), it was like a flood gate opened for me. And I could feel myself becoming almost instantly way too emotionally attached at such an early stage. 

Now I stuck feeling either completely overwhelmed with desire, wanting to be with him, thinking about him all the time, or a feeling that I should run for the hills, block him, unfriend him and get back to my simple drama free life I have been living since I came up with the rule.

I have no idea how to just have a normal healthy level of attachment. For years I have been thinking maybe I am just not supposed to have relationships, because I can't seem to find a balance between all or nothing.

Friendships are fine for me, i think its because they don't involve the intimacy romantic relationships and encounters involve.


----------



## Jonpt15

I've noticed it too. I've met a lot of great friends on the internet I OFTEN feel nostalgic about them and go through great lengths to find them, it seems like I am the only one lol!

Same thing with people on xbox, I'll play with them for a little bit and sometimes get very attached and feel a little sad if I'm not able to play/talk to them again, more attached than they seem to be to me.

I always seem more attached to my internet friends than they are to me lol.


----------



## Jonpt15

Maybe it is because not having many friends or being good at socializing makes us very clingy when it does happen. But for other people who socialize much easier, these sort of things happen all the time and they probably have more friends so there is no reason for them to be clingy.


----------



## Jonpt15

This actually just happened to me lol. Last Wednesday I played on Xbox all night long with this guy, talking and laughing and he invited me to a private chat and even said Happy Halloween when the morning hit. He was the one to send the friend request. We didn't play again after that.

Sunday I found out I won't be playing Xbox for a while and I felt sad that I won't ever be able to play with him again. I sent him this message saying how I had a lot of fun and I'll kind of miss him even though we barely played together lol. He didn't even respond.

I guess for us socially anxious people, on those rare occasions we make a nice personal connection, we don't want to let it go lol.


----------



## Malek

I wish I could be content alone...


----------



## inerameia

I've had this problem too. It's easy for me to overvalue someone so that's why I maintain a distance and avoid.


----------



## inerameia

Hush7 said:


> Yeah, I can relate to a lot of these posts. I tend to get clingy and attached to people when they're nice to me. My emotional attachment seems to creep some people out. :|


Yeah it's creeped out others for me too. That's why I try not to overestimate people anymore.


----------



## newgame

The kindness of others (especially new faces) stay around me for awhile. Once I get comfortable I will keep clinging on to them, especially in group situations.

I just need to stick to someone I feel relatively comfortable with. I think many people might feel irritated by this.


----------



## ThisIsRandom

So i was looking around for information on codependency and stumbled upon this site.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992

I swear sometimes websites seem to describe me so well.

I started reading the "signs" and checking off each of them.


----------



## Croquantes

I get too attached easily, but I also let people get attached to me too easily as well. I've met people and had a wonderful connection with them where it felt like I was their best friend after meeting them(thanks ADHD), but then I forget about them, and the next time I see them I'm usually more reserved and they think they've done something wrong or I'm angry with them when I'm really just shy (thanks SAD).

I upset a lot of people doing this actually, and it bothers me because I feel like Jekyll and Hyde, one minute outgoing, next minute an introvert.


----------



## eric25

I've always told myself its important to be comfortable alone or with people. Many times I prefer alone though, more productive that way hehe


----------



## oood

Oh god yes, I find it so embarrassing. In the past I've been attached to any new, 'different' friends that I've made but in the end I ended up avoiding them or losing touch with them when it felt like they were getting too close. I'd rather cut things off than show how attached I actually am :/ Luckily I can manage pretty well alone -except I miss my bro, he's living apart from me for the first time and I was previously really emotionally dependent on him.


----------



## Jade18

Jonpt15 said:


> Maybe it is because not having many friends or being good at socializing makes us very clingy when it does happen. But for other people who socialize much easier, these sort of things happen all the time and they probably have more friends so there is no reason for them to be clingy.


I also experienced these feelings when I had a lot of friends :/
got jealous of their other friends and also was too attached to them hehe


----------



## jn0

I hate this most about myself.
I really can't pinpoint why i'm like this which annoys me even more.
I would meet a girl, that was interested in me and give me her phone number (i'm quiet confident when it comes to meeting new people) after a few days of messaging i get attached and i can't stop. Always staring at my phone waiting for the reply to my last message. 
Then i would expect too much from them and get disappointed, or i will say something or tell them i like them and scare them away!! 
I just feel lonely and crave their attention and i have no way of satisfying it, that's why i can pick up girls but i never get in relationships.
I hate it.


----------



## JeruHendrix

boosh said:


> I've had this problem for a while and it's gotten even worse. Any person I meet at some sort of 1 off event and I 'click' with them/ they show me some sort of affection, I start to get clingy towards them. Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.


Yes. A million times, yes. I've done this for my entire life too. I think it's part of the reason I had/have trouble making friends. It was rough in school because I moved a lot and had to make new friends. When I tried, this is what happened. Eventually I gave up and said **** school I'm going home, but that's a story for another time.


----------



## GrainneR

Yeah, I always get more attached to people than they get attached to me. So I usually don't allow myself to get attached.
For me, a first step to becoming unattached to someone is to destroy those mementos. They only serve to remind you of them, and as a physical representation of the attachment that you have. It's freeing.


----------



## Randomguy555

I'm still trying to figure this part about me out. When I really connect with someone it feels amazing, and usually that initial feeling is mutual. Over time however the other person always starts to seem more and more distant. The relationship typically dies soon after that or if it's barely holding on I'll sabotage it with my insecurities. "Why aren't you talking to me anymore!?!?!"

The part that confuses me though is how I see all the other relationships in my life. I'm really motivated to cultivate new relationships, but I really don't focus on any of the other relationships in my life. It just doesn't feel the same having a deep conversation with my family/longterm friends as it does with someone new.

Maybe I'm addicted to forming new connections?? Weird...


----------



## NotReady

Peregrínus said:


> I've had this problem too. It's easy for me to overvalue someone so that's why I maintain a distance and avoid.


I'm scared of this too. My head tells me avoiding is wrong, but my fear/instinct is strong. Plus, the pain of overvaluing hurts.


----------



## NotReady

Mokusei said:


> I'm still trying to figure this part about me out. When I really connect with someone it feels amazing, and usually that initial feeling is mutual. Over time however the other person always starts to seem more and more distant. The relationship typically dies soon after that or if it's barely holding on I'll sabotage it with my insecurities. "Why aren't you talking to me anymore!?!?!"
> 
> The part that confuses me though is how I see all the other relationships in my life. I'm really motivated to cultivate new relationships, but I really don't focus on any of the other relationships in my life. It just doesn't feel the same having a deep conversation with my family/longterm friends as it does with someone new.
> 
> Maybe I'm addicted to forming new connections?? Weird...


If it's the other people who seem distant, how can it be you who is addicted to forming new relationships? I mean, if they distance first and you want closeness and find they're no longer giving it, ok, so you need to form a new relationship - but that's not the same as *you* causing the distance because you're "over" the new person and are addicted to simply finding yet another new person.


----------



## Crystsal

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think I made a thread about this before. I also get emotionally attached to people I have just met and known for a short while. I'm trying to figure out where it stems from. I grew up in a small town and I only had a small group of friends..like three. I've known them since elementary. i can't picture my life without them. And now in college..if I talk to somebody in class, automatically in my head I'm like "Omg! He/She likes me!!" If they continue to talk to me during the semester it goes like "hello new friend. yay i made a friend. and if they stop talking to me goes to "Oh dear. what did I do wrong? Did I say something to push them away?" 

It's a lovely thought process. smh.:no 

I wish there was a way to change it. To not get attached..well too attached to a person.


----------



## Nessie91

I think cause we're so lonely we tend to cling to these people cause we have no one else. I'm not speaking for other people but, it's mainly the case for most people with social anxiety.

9/10 times these random people aren't friends, but mere acquaintances. Everyone has them.. they're not really friends. A friend is someone you trust and is there for you. Don't confuse this. I've learned not to tell my life story to acquaintances.. cause let's face it, they don't care lol .. and when you see them the next time and he/she doesn't talk you beat yourself up cause you're thinking "wow they're not talking to me. I must of did something wrong."
You didn't because they don't see you like _you _seem them..


----------



## WallabyJerky

I kinda wish that this girl I know that hooks me up with weed would be interested in being friendly beyond the few words said. But I don't worry about it. I get the vibe that she's not interested in being too friendly or hanging out with me so all I'm concerned with really is getting weed. If she'd ever offer for me to hang out and have a smoke session that'd be sweet but it just isn't something I am even going to attempt by trying to be anymore friendlier on my part since that didn't go anywhere. Not much is more stressful than trying to make friend connections. Plus if it all soured then I'd be out of a weed connection.

Overall lately I've quit making attempts at being friendly with much of anyone. Why should I go out of my way when no one cares to speak to me really. Regardless of all this, I'm in a pretty content state. Not jubilant, a little mixed, but content. Weed helps with tamping down desire for sociability quite a bit and that's perfect because I suck with people.


----------



## Darktower776

Nessie91 said:


> I think cause we're so lonely we tend to cling to these people cause we have no one else. I'm not speaking for other people but, it's mainly the case for most people with social anxiety.


Yeah, I think that explains why I feel that way. I've learned not to get too emotionally attached to people anymore but I also feel like it has made me subconsciously push people away when I feel they are getting too close as well.


----------



## Srylance

its seems we are all doing this for similar reasons, and of course im doing it myself to. I'm trying to be less attached because it always ends in the same result of the other person not really caring about you, this leaves me feeling sad and again lonely.


----------



## xgodmetashogun

i get emotionally attached to places rather than people,but i would also get attached to someone if i liked them alot. I need to learn to swallow my pride either way,or whatever is left of it


----------



## Vaitelias

I'm so glad I found this thread...now I know I'm not alone. I get way too attached to people way too easily and it's really depressing me. I've had a pretty lonely life since childhood. No father, a mother who hated me (we get along now, but I still never really see her), "friends" who bullied me, along with the actual bullies who always targeted me. When I got older, about high school age, most of the bullying stopped and I just became invisible. I had very few friends and for the few that I did have, I was just "the other friend". You know, the last resort friend...always just tagging along, always left behind, only ever invited to events out of courtesy if I happened to be within earshot...sometimes not even then.

Now, I'm 25 and out of school...and I'm now stuck in an unhappy relationship with someone who not only ignores me 90% of the time, but has also completely isolated me from the rest of the world and I just...I don't think I've ever felt so lonely in my life. I have exactly _zero_ friends...at least, no one that I see more often than once a year at the most. I keep wishing and wishing I'd make some friends...but, when I do, everything just backfires. I get so excited that someone is actually expressing some kind of interest in me that I just cling to them for dear life. Because, if I let go, I'll sink back into that darkness I've been trying so desperately to claw my way out of...

And I'm currently in a situation as I type. I recently joined Tumblr and I've found myself within a great community of people. Everyone is just so affectionate towards each other. One girl started talking to me and was _actually interested_ in me, in who I was and what my life was like. We started talking and just talked about SO much stuff...a lot of surface-level stuff, but a lot of personal stuff, too. I already feel like she knows me better than a lot of other people I know in person. We exchanged quite a few really lengthy emails and I loved it. I was so excited to have made a new friend -- a _real friend_ -- even if only online. And she's just SUCH an awesome person, I felt so thankful to have met her. (By the way, I'm a straight female, so don't confuse this attachment with sexual attraction or anything. I honestly just really admire her.)

But, then...her emails started coming more and more infrequently. In fact, it's been 2 weeks since I've heard from her and I was truly surprised at how much this depressed me. I've found myself thinking about her more and more and extremely over-analyzing myself, trying to figure out what I said wrong that scared her away. Was it something I said? Did I express my fondness too blatantly? Was I getting too clingy? Did she somehow sense how insecure I was and that I was getting too attached to her? Did I really scare her away?

It's just...it hurts.

I feel like I'll never really be able to make any new friends, because I'll scare them all away with my clinginess. *sigh*

Okay, all of you clingy, social-anxiety-ridden lovelies...who wants to be my new best friend so we can cling to each other and wallow together in our insecurities and anxieties and help each other overcome loneliness and build a wonderful friendship where we don't have to be afraid of scaring each other away?  XD

Hahah...haha...ha...heh...

No really...

Please someone love me... *cries*


----------



## Vaitelias

I hate forums


----------



## Randomguy555

I feel you Vaitelias, sometimes being in a relationship can be way more lonely than just being alone. You definitely need to talk with your partner and tell them how you feel. Right now it sounds like resentment/distance is building up between the two of you which will make you feel even more lonely and isolated in the long run. Maybe you guys could try joining some sort of social club/event and make new friends together.


----------



## Amer Lynn

How can we stop getting attached to people. I'm 15 an going to be a freshmen in high school in my last year of middle school I got attached to my male social studies teacher I don't understand why thogh school is now out for summer time and I miss being able to talk to him. I don't know what to do.


----------



## versikk

Nessie91 said:


> I think cause we're so lonely we tend to cling to these people cause we have no one else. I'm not speaking for other people but, it's mainly the case for most people with social anxiety.
> 
> 9/10 times these random people aren't friends, but mere acquaintances. Everyone has them.. they're not really friends. A friend is someone you trust and is there for you. Don't confuse this. I've learned not to tell my life story to acquaintances.. cause let's face it, they don't care lol .. and when you see them the next time and he/she doesn't talk you beat yourself up cause you're thinking "wow they're not talking to me. I must of did something wrong."
> You didn't because they don't see you like _you _seem them..


What if they tell you THEIR lifestory. Is that then, a friend?


----------



## Ichabod Crane

WallabyJerky said:


> I kinda wish that this girl I know that hooks me up with weed would be interested in being friendly beyond the few words said. But I don't worry about it. I get the vibe that she's not interested in being too friendly or hanging out with me so all I'm concerned with really is getting weed. If she'd ever offer for me to hang out and have a smoke session that'd be sweet but it just isn't something I am even going to attempt by trying to be anymore friendlier on my part since that didn't go anywhere. Not much is more stressful than trying to make friend connections. Plus if it all soured then I'd be out of a weed connection.
> 
> Overall lately I've quit making attempts at being friendly with much of anyone. Why should I go out of my way when no one cares to speak to me really. Regardless of all this, I'm in a pretty content state. Not jubilant, a little mixed, but content. Weed helps with tamping down desire for sociability quite a bit and that's perfect because I suck with people.


I too suck with people, I guess it goes with the territory. For example, I was in contact with a woman here in Ireland just this morning. Much to my surprise she also suffers from anxiety. We were talking for about two hours and we were definitely on the same wavelength. She later contacted me and said that I was too intense. Another epic fail, I do believe it best to accept the fact that chronic anxiety pushes people away. Logically you would think that a fellow sufferer would understand. This however is not the way it goes in my experience.


----------



## A Void Ant

I think that whatever relationships those like us _do_ manage to have are deeply rooted in us in order to fill all that empty relationship space. The smallest of threats to the health of the relationship will result in the psychological symptoms of perceived or real abandonment.


----------



## soulsurviver

I used to get easily attached, especially to older mum type women. I got so badly hurt on a regular basis that I soon learned my lesson. Now I keep people at arms length


----------



## heliotropicDissonance

i'm doing this right now with a friend i met online. we roleplay and whatnot, and i just kind of feel close (which isn't bad), but i also don't know her /that/ well. i must reek of desperation.


----------



## thombom

I'm the same way, normal or not, you aren't alone.


----------



## Frankjr

ReincarnatedRose said:


> I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.
> 
> It's really, really sad but I have no clue how to stop it. I've personally pegged it to my need for love and attention, since I don't give it to myself, I'm constantly looking for others to fill that void, and when anyone is nice to me or shows signs of being a nice person, I'm instantly attracted to them and want to get to know them better.
> 
> It's so odd, but it happens to me almost daily. It's very annoying, though and I wish I could stop it but I'm not sure how.


I also when on Facebook have taken interest in tv personalities (a few female news anchors), when they have replied to my posts (seemed like they are interested in my views). It makes me also feel like they have taken a interest in me. I know they are either married /in a relationship with someone. Its just nice to be noticed because in real life I never get noticed.(should be nicknamed CASPER ) I have gotten drawn to this fantasy world were I think "there might someday be a chance". I am not the type that harasses, stalks, or hangs out at their house. I would never do anything ever like that not in a million years. I know deep down this is not normal because these people in real life probably wouldn't even give me a 2nd look. I am an average looking mid 40s., 5ft6in, with an ok job (Average Joe). These women could have anyone in the world that they wanted. I have alot to offer. I am a caring, faithful person. I bet they're husbands, boyfriends probably just "take them for granted" like someone who owns a BMW, Mercedes. It makes me wonder what do they have that I don't have, except alot of money and handsome good looks. (Break out the straitjacket)


----------



## EmyMax

I used to get emotionally attached to some persons I met throughout my "downward spiral" years. 
But then I realized they never really cared about me, they never understood how I felt, my intentions, and that they were never there, for me, when I needed them. And I was always left alone.
Right now is different (I learned by all my mistakes). Before getting attached to someone, or getting other people attached to me, I want to know them better, what they have to give me, their intentions, and what they expect from me.
It might seem a very rigid "precautionary measure", but it's the only way of not getting "hurt" by someone who does really not deserve all my love and friendship. In fact, only REAL and sincere people stay with me. The others who leave are not worth of my attention.


----------



## HopelessFriend

Oh my god, this is the story of my life. I get too attached to people and almost 99% of the time they leave me...and it's usually my fault for making them feel weird around me. I really hate it, and I wish I could tell everyone I'm sorry and that I don't mean it but no one cares.

Now I just walk around not talking to anyone. It's better this way...for everyone.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

HopelessFriend said:


> Oh my god, this is the story of my life. I get too attached to people and almost 99% of the time they leave me...and it's usually my fault for making them feel weird around me. I really hate it, and I wish I could tell everyone I'm sorry and that I don't mean it but no one cares.
> 
> Now I just walk around not talking to anyone. It's better this way...for everyone.


This sounds like me as well. Mostly with women. Its sad when you think about it.


----------



## slowlyimproving

I tend to idealize some people, which is never a good idea.


----------



## SummerRae

does anyone know how to stop this, it's like after a few hours of someone giving me attention i get so attached.  
i mean, now it's better because i only get attention from one person in the world, but it's still unhealthy always relying on him and so attached to him that i can't go a few hours without texting/calling him 100+ times :no


----------



## CWe

Fell you all :/


----------



## Ricebunnyx3

I'm the same way... I'm actually going through this right now
I have a hard time clicking with anyone, so when I clicked with a girl here at my school abroad, I want to hang out with her and talk to her 24/7. but obviously she doesn't feel the same way and I can tell... I try to leave her alone, but even still I can tell I'm bothering her...

and then I have somewhat clicked with a guy also, and now I of course am crushing on him and keep thinking about him even though since I met him I haven't hung out w/ him again since then... 

I wish I could be content on my own, but I feel like I need the company of others almost 100% of the time. I'm alone most of the time, but when I meet someone I can get along with I just want to be with them all the time and it's really weird... I need a best friend who wants to be with me 24/7... there are two girls at my school like that, although they new each other before coming here, but they're so cute how they're with each other 24/7 although they do have other friends unlike me


----------



## JustStewie

I deal with this by putting on a front of being cold and unapproachable. 

It's obviously not a good way of handling it but I just couldn't keep putting myself through it because the whole realising it's one sided, telling yourself off for being so OTT, disappointment when they don't do for you what you do for them.... it's far too painful. 

Other people are not this miraculous entity that will make it all better. They're royal pains in the ***.


----------



## mjkittredge

I latch onto some people hard. But not everyone. Some people care about me deeply and get attached to me but I feel nothing for them, sadly. And if it happens, it happens frighteningly fast. Beyond crush, to obsession and fascination, emotions soaring, teetering on the brink of hope and disappointment. 

I wish I could stop doing this and take it slowly, but my emotions do what they want to. It's not a conscious choice, happens all on it's own.


----------



## Meg61

I am extremely clingy. I made the mistake of becoming friends with benefits with a guy. It was stupid and I barely knew him. ...but over the months we have spent a lot of time together and I've fallen head over heals in love with him  he doesn't want more than friendship but I want to hug him all day and txt him every second we aren't together. I refrain but it's hard. Do guys ever fallin love with their friend with benefits...? I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm fun cuz we have a lot in common--total tomboy here. Into trucks and guns lol. 
Yeah I'm pathetic. But better vent here than let on to him :-/


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## beli mawr

HopelessFriend said:


> Oh my god, this is the story of my life. I get too attached to people and almost 99% of the time they leave me...and it's usually my fault for making them feel weird around me..





iAmCodeMonkey said:


> This sounds like me as well. Mostly with women. Its sad when you think about it.


I feel your pain guys.


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## millenniumman75

It's about perspective and boundaries. We share too much because we want to be loved....bad. The world doesn't work that way unfortunately.


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## BehindClosedDoors

I used to do this and I learned to quit the hard way. I loved my friends more than they loved me. I had one really good friend who hurt me terribly by lying and backstabbing me over some deeply personal things she thought were too good to keep them to herself. I had another great friend (at least I thought she was) that I adored and we hung out all the time/stayed at each others houses growing up. A mutual guy friend of our showed up at my house unannounced and I let him in. We were just friends, pretty casual and I thought it was a bit odd that he showed up alone. He tried to make a move on me which I rejected because we hadn't even gone on a date before. He attacked me, tried to force himself on me. He banged my head on the tile floor a few times trying to subdue me. I fought him off and got away and he ran out the door. The kicker was when I called her crying I could tell she didn't believe me. Because he was student vice president and popular, she didn't believe it of him. He was too nice, too popular. So that cured me really quick of loving my friends very much at all. I pretty much feel they can't be trusted.


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## social worker

Meg61 said:


> I am extremely clingy. I made the mistake of becoming friends with benefits with a guy. It was stupid and I barely knew him. ...but over the months we have spent a lot of time together and I've fallen head over heals in love with him  he doesn't want more than friendship but I want to hug him all day and txt him every second we aren't together. I refrain but it's hard. Do guys ever fallin love with their friend with benefits...? I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm fun cuz we have a lot in common--total tomboy here. Into trucks and guns lol.
> Yeah I'm pathetic. But better vent here than let on to him :-/


Van Morrison said in a song "How can we not be attached? After all, we're only human..."

No better feeling than being in love, no worse feeling than being in love with someone who's not in love with us...


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## beli mawr

millenniumman75 said:


> It's about perspective and boundaries. We share too much because we want to be loved....bad. The world doesn't work that way unfortunately.


Makes perfect sense.


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## Kazumichan

Story of my life tbh
I get too attached and then it's painful when that person replaces me or gets bored with me and leaves.


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## chameleon persona

Yes  I get far too attatched and panic if they suddenly dont respond to my messages etc. So I push them away and look like I have the emotional maturity of a child.
then im left with an empty pain in my chest and a lot of self hatred. I feel for anyone who is like this


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## SunshineSam218

Yes I believe I get attached to people cause most of all my friends pretty much ditched me and in the end I always ended up abandoned by someone. So whenever I meet someone I end up getting attached and afraid they'll leave me and ditched me as a friend. I'm so used to people leaving me or ignoring me my whole life. It depresses me.


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## anyhoozle

Sifting through this thread has been like reading my life story. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

However, what's the solution to dealing with over-attachment? Especially too quickly.


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## Unknown0001

Yes, it's always been a problem for me. If I trust/ like someone I get easily emotionally attached /clingy, and its useless and painful because they end up leaving . Trying to get rid of it but don't know how.


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## Addict

So I was doing searches last night and came across this thread. After reading the whole thread, I can relate to many people.

I consider myself to be extremely awkward in some social situations, especially with new people or people I've seen but never actually talked to. I seem to be able to blend in and most people just think I'm actually normal once they get to know me. Well this is where I start to have issues.

So basically I've had this big wall around me for the past 8 years so that I don't let people really get to know me anymore and I never feel like I can connect with anyone. I got extremely attached to some girl way too quickly(8 years ago) and I pushed her away and I couldn't ever get a straight answer of what actually happened. During those 8 years I've actually had plenty of opportunities to make friends and even had friends during this time, but I never felt connected to anyone enough to want to actually be around them a lot. What basically would happen is, it ended up feeling like a chore to hang out with them and eventually they stopped asking me. So I enjoy my time alone more than with some people.

Just recently I started really talking to this new women who I've know for about 6 or 7 years at work. I have this big wall up around me and we are so cool with each other and then she starts saying how she loves talking to me and I'm totally awesome and asks me for my number so we can talk more. Yes, asks me. That's a first for me. Little did I know I instantly opened my heart up like a total idiot and instantly I'm wanting to talk to her 24/7. I had some idea that I had issues from someone prior and I think I played it much better this time as far as contacting goes, but I get kinda frustrated when I can't talk to her for some period of time and my emotions go crazy.

So long story short, I say something really stupid when I was frustrated and now she's very mad at me. I don't think she will ever talk to me the same way again. I told her I'm sorry I didn't mean it and I just know it had to show some truth in the way I said it to her, because I truly meant it and I was nearly in tears. I hurt her so it hurt me as much or more because of how I feel for her. Of course that mentality is what I feel causes problems. I can't believe I mess stuff up so easily. I don't know what to do! She asked for space so I've given it but I don't want to lose her! 

And yes it's been 8 years since I've tried to make any friends or relationships.


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## beli mawr

chameleon persona said:


> Yes  I get far too attatched and panic if they suddenly dont respond to my messages etc. So I push them away and look like I have the emotional maturity of a child.
> then im left with an empty pain in my chest and a lot of self hatred. I feel for anyone who is like this


I couldn't have described myself any better if I tried, especially the emotional maturity of a child thing.

I tend to take it one step further, though. I tend to think if I don't get a somewhat timely answer, the person no longer wants to be bothered from me, and I erase their number from my contacts. Then I wallow in self-pity.


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## norwegianskies

[Edit: I'm basically going to leave this site and I don't want anything I wrote on my posts to be visible.]


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## iingridd

millenniumman75 said:


> It's about perspective and boundaries. We share too much because we want to be loved....bad. The world doesn't work that way unfortunately.


AGREE

Uff this happens to me all the time, feel so frustrating to actually be aware of how one acts, lately I keep my distance more and more, I'm back to barely touching people including family :|


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## CalCat

I'm so glad to have found this thread. It's given me a lot of perspective. I get really attached to people as well and can be clingy and needy. I had a few friendships end over the years and I could never figure out why, but after reading through all the replies to the OP, I think it was probably that I was just too demanding of their time and attention since I didn't have a lot of other friends. Those rejections have given me a huge fear of abandonment which makes it hard to form friendships now, but that's a whole other post. 

Someone else waaaaay up thread said that she realized that people aren't looking for really intense 24/7 friendships and that she was looking for a type of friend that didn't really exist and that's me exactly. Glad to know I'm not the only one!


----------



## NumeroUno

Going through this now with a girl. 

Ironically, I have a girlfriend of 7 years...but this other girl has totally bewitched me. We were on a break/I ****ed up and met this other girl a few times. She didn't want to be second best I guess, cried a bit and is keeping her distance despite living in the same town. I actually saw her yesterday at her work and she was pretty cold with me. I stupidly said to her ''I haven't given up'' and she coldly said ''obviously'' or ''clearly'' - words to that effect. And I'm taken. I know, it's ****ing stupid. Problem is, I can't stop messaging her. Like I mean...1 email every 2 days to her 1 every 3 weeks. Then I sit back and think ''****, I look so needy/weird/desperate'' and instantly regret it. But I don't want her to ''forget'' me. But I know I can't have my cake and eat it too - but I even crave friendship with her. I really connected to her from second one. The first moment when you know...I knew. 

Really sucks. I just want to know if she resents me, doesn't care about me now, thinks I'm overreacting or even still likes me. Not knowing exactly kills me. She even introduced me to her mum, sister, family and everything and she really seemed to like me. I get why she doesn't reply - whats the point of trying to invest in me if I'm taken? Long story, but I moved across the country so my hands are tied in my current relationship and I can't go home...so it's difficult. But that's irrelevant to the thread. I've already made a thread and got feedback on this situation with her & my partner but I am attached.


----------



## siddharthpradhan

*Similar problem here*

I also get emotionally attached too easily. I tend to think that even by speaking a few words which is related to work. How stupid. Maybe because I am too lonely. I am trying to get rid of this tendency by becoming engaged in work.


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## shrinkingviolet218

I have had this problem all my life. When I make a new friend I'd get so clingy that I want to spend every day with them which means eventually the person would get freaked and start drifting away. That left me with some rejection issues, of course. 

I think the only thing to do is try build self-esteem and broaden the social circle. I think as people suffering with SA this happens a lot because, for a lack of better way to put it, our lives suck so much lol. If you're not strong enough to make new friends maybe start a new project or pursue some sort of goal that'll keep you occupied so that you have a 'life' beyond that one person.

I hope that helps.



.


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## 530402

WOW!I thought I was the only one who felt like that, that makes feel a little more at ease. But that's so me, it's like a disease almost LOL! 

But most of my life growing up I've never really had any real friends. It was more like play dates my parents had to set up or more like being forced t hang with those he did not get me. I was always called weirdo or strange because I never really talk a lot, I was always very shy and quite. But the older I got I always try to fit in which never work. I always felt like I was lieing to my self which I was. Just talking about this makes me very sick to my stomach because I always could remember those talking around me or laughing at me not with me. 

But any time someone did come along that was super nice to me I guess you can say or always hype me up, only wanted something from me. Than I found out that they really were not my friends they were just using me SMH. It really sucked because I never had any real meaning friend. I only have one true friend that a guy and we been thur something together all I can say is he's been their for me. 

But when it comes to men, o don't get me started I LOVE ROMANCE SO MUCH SO it truly takes a toll on my heart. I've been heart broken so many times that it's very hard for me to open up to any man I talk to. 

But as soon as I show my true self or I think they are the one I tend to get so emotionally attach, I'm so afraid of my heart getting broken which it does. But those same guys try to come right back to me, Now that does not make since. SMH. But I cut them because I know it's only will cause the same hurt.


But to my amazement I'm engaged to this wonderful, hard working, and loving guy. He's everything to me, I mean I really love my fiancé. I mean he get's me, I even told him I have SA and he's been very supportive and encouraging about how everything is going to be ok and that I will get through this. 

But lately I've been feeling as though I've been being to cling! I'm mean I try to give him his space when I know I can sense and he needs the space or I feel I need space. He calls me everyday. But I feel like I don't want him to call me if he feels uncomfortable with having to call me. 

Maybe it's just me cause I've never had such a wonderful person as he and I don't want to mess this whole thing up with me getting emotionally attach. I know for a fact it's a big TURN OFF.

Maybe after we get marry this whole phase will go away and I won't have to keep worrying that i'm annoying him so much even though he does most of the calling and txting. 

Could it just be me?

Any who thanks for starting this thread I feel so much better to know there are people out there like me who feel the same. 

May God make it easy for all of us to overcome these challenges.


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## Thedood

It's something i've been battling with for many many years and it has caused me massive amounts of pain because what ends up always happening is that I end up caring way more about the other person than they care about me. It's always extremely painful when someone you're attached to and you care about hurts me and I seem to be the kind of person that takes that kind of thing extra hard.

So, what I had to do, for my own good, is to force myself to be more detached in general with people and only care about them when I am 100% convinced the other person cares about me. I always assume that person will **** me over the first chance they get, so just about everyone is guilty until proven innocent. It's unfortunate, but it's the way it has to be. Been burned too many times. 

It's a work in progress. Sometimes people put on a facade and dupe you into thinking they give a **** about you when they really don't. It's almost like a skill you have to build and master... the ability to detect bull****.


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## KobeG

I'm genuinely the happiest guy right now! I thought I was some freak of nature but it's good to see there is others that think like myself.
On New Years I went to a party and I got pretty drunk but I do remember sitting down with this girl and having a hour long chat with her whilst the party was going on, we just clicked so well! Then I text her the following day and have been all day since, I like think I really like her! Then she ignored my texts and I got agitated and asked her best friend to tell her to reply to me because I feel sad that she is ignoring me. And she was saying how I freaked her out by constantly talking to her and wanting to meet and be good friends as I thought she was great! 
She was stuck in my mind all night last night and I felt, angry, upset, hurt, rejected.


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## LauraThePetLover5

It takes me a LOOOONNNGGGG time to trust people but when I do I get really attached and Im terrified they'll leave me like when my psychologist mentioned spreading out sessions I had a massive relapse and I collect momentos too! I've kept all my appointment cards!!


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## Improbable

I usually push people away, because I know that when I start trusting someone, I'll get clingy and protective. Then they'll just abandon me and leave me with another emotional scar.


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## jimity

I used to get attached quite easily and quickly when I was younger. Now I don't really get attached anymore to anyone. Though if someone leaves from my work who I've had a few conversations with then I'll feel depressed when they leave and I tend to get clingy with women and just end up wanting to have them around rather than a relationship and need to keep pulling myself out of that state of mind.


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## momentsunset

I used to. I realized I had a problem when this girl was nice to me online, and I wanted to be friends with her so I added her on msn and tried to talk to her, but she seemed uninterested - replied with very short answers when I talked to her etc. I almost felt heartbroken and cried for hours about this. I thought we'd turn into great friends since she would always reply to me on this other website I visited and we seemed to like the same things.

Thinking back on that.. that was pretty ridiculous of me.
Like other people in this thread said, it's probably because we are so lonely and don't have many friends.

I don't really get attached easily anymore. I still get attached.. but after a certain amount of time.


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## Quirky

I, too, may have this issue. I become attached to people I don't know very well, with awkward silences and stuttering, and they often make rash judgments concerning my character. I also think I may feel too attached to my older brother, can't tell if he enjoys being around me or if I'm another burden for him (like other people may consider me). There was also this forum I was, partially, a part of that I can't seem to let go, though that's a more personal, complex story.


----------



## Jennachan

This happens to me all the time, unfortunately. If i talk to someone a lot, and I feel like I really connect with them, then I tend to get really obsessed with that person. Sometimes, if someone does something awesome like lose a lot of weight or they're really talented at something, then I admire them and become really attached to them. I really hate this because it drives people away from me, but I have a lot of problems controlling my emotions, so I'm not sure how to stop this. The other day, I messaged someone on facebook because I felt like I really connected with him when we were in class together, so I wrote a long paragraph about this anime that we both watch, because I love anime , but he never did respond. I've been very upset about this ever since it happened. I've been crying every day, my stomach's been hurting, and I've been hating myself because I probably annoyed him or freaked him out. I feel like I'm probably a bad person. Also, every time I watch a movie about friendship, then I start crying because I can't have what they have. So yeah, I'm desperately lonely.


----------



## loneranger

Wow! This is what's been going with me lately. It makes sense. I've been emotionally attached to certain friends. Glad this thread is posted. Now I understand my problem. Should I tell my friends about this problem?


----------



## its kristin

I was thinking about this. It seems I do this a lot, not that I want to, it just happens. Usually I tend to pick one main person, this year my favorite teacher (this is why hes my favorite), and unwillingly obsess over every nice thing they do for me or even when I told them I didnt participate in a game. Like right now I feel the need to start a whole story on us, which really isnt interesting. Im gonna stop now...


----------



## Flowers123

Ok so I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 3 years and I've became unhealthily attached to him... Whenever he wants to see me I jump straight to him, even at 12am when I'm working at 7am the next morning... I feel so down when I'm not with him and it's crazy how up I feel when I know I am seeing him that day. My mood completely depends on him and my life and happiness is revolving around him... Baring in mind I'm only 17. I've tried to stop myself from caring to much but I really can't. Not sure what to do anymore as I can't help how I feel!!!!!!!! When we have a fall out I genuinely turn crazy... I don't want to speak or eat or do anything...


----------



## SoniaH

Same for me. What is funny is that when people are showing interest in me, suddenly, even if I didn't really cared about them first, i will start to get attached. Too much.

Last story, a girl who I'd never imagine hanging out with, had to work with me for class. One day she told me she loved me, it confused me, we became friends and were together non stop for a long time, got along well. Since then I became amazingly observant about the "signs" of her love toward me, and then i feel like the situation completely reversed. I felt like I couldn't live without her.

Now our situation made us go apart, I felt so depressed at first, thought about her every time i woke up, dreamt about her, tried to talk to her at every occasion, checked my facebook everytime to know if she would talk to me, etc etc. 

Then I just thought that it was enough, it's not healthy for me. Now I'm just trying not to put as much importance to her, log out of facebook to put a distance. But still, I still think of her a lot. The thing is she doesn't really seem to care a lot, so I just told myself maybe i'm not that important to her.

It's so messed up when I think of the effort I have to make seriously, I didn't even care about her.


----------



## Rikkion

I feel the exact same way  
And it just happend to me again.. "thought I'd found a friend" and then out of nowhere, he stopped replying even though his last message was full of questions and ideas for what we could try playing together on the pc.. How come, I feel lost without him after just a few weeks? 
I just feel paralyzed, feeling I let someone in, who didn't even wanna know me after all  I hate it, I hate that I get so overly attached, and people find it so weird when you tell them, like they dont understand, and I don't quite myself either 
Feel so lonely, even though I have friends.. It's like I am all alone in the world and they don't understand me 

urgh I hate my mind sometimes...


----------



## ekaingm

Where has this forum been all of my life? I've always felt like a freak for getting so emotionally attached to people and even obsessive. I thought I was the only one who had this issue. It annoys me to no end. I get so frustrated because I don't want to rely on other people to validate my worth. I'm currently attached to an ex of mine and I'm essentially trying to mimic a relationship with her again, but I know that I don't want to be with her again, yet I still find myself pining for her attention. I don't understand why I'm doing this.


----------



## n0there

This never happened to me in real life, but recently online I find myself developing crushes on certain people really easily. Sometimes the crush will stay but a lot of the time I'll suddenly lose interest and develop a crush on someone else. It is strange.


----------



## egkor

This happens to me. It is such a "high" for a few days, then it is torture when the other person (female) doesn't love/like me to the degree that I am into them. Am having this happen now. Learning how to cope with it.

Its like, I shouldn't even try to be friends, because it will likely end up with me getting hurt when I "over-do" it. And I have to live with this hurt/pain. At the same time I can't shut myself off from everyone.


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## conqueror2000

I feel this too, all the time! I am shocked that there are so many people with different issues that I have...that it's not "just me"..


----------



## buddyboy

Hey I know this thread started almost 4 years ago but yes it happens to me sometimes the good news is, however, that I'm not as emotionally attached to ppl as I used to be along time ago cuz eventually it gets annoying very quick after awhile and if you're not careful or aware of hints someone is giving you, they'd start pulling away from you and leave you without warning and that won't be pretty and yes it'll suck but time heals wounds and we get over it

I hate when they're like this with me and I know that it annoys me and stuff but I really don't want to be too mean or act like a total jerk to them which I do seem to get but hey, it can happen so brace ourselves and know when to back off and give them space which seems to be an issue with some ppl cuz they think by giving them space it's like they won't ever see or hear from them again or they're just afraid or paranoid that they'll move on from them instantly and find better ppl to hangout and be friends with and totally forget about them like it's nothing and the worse case scenario is that sometimes it's true but really it's not cuz by giving them space you're allowing them to hangout with other friends and do their own thing while you do your own and that's what a true friendship is a lot of ppl think that friendship is being literally together every single day 24/7 but I don't think it's true 

If anyone's reading this they'll be really disappointed and blinded to the truth about friendship and some take it really personal and get all butthurt and angry over that like it's not fair for them and I understand that life's unfair and we deal with it but if they get butthurt and moody over it, that's on them, not me

It may be unfair to them but it's unfair for me to listen to them whine and complain about it cuz I have limits like we all do and if one person pushes my limits too far, I definitely wouldn't have anything to do with them anymore and stop being friends with them if this is how they act like they always want their way and you just don't give in until you feel like it which will only give them more power over you so they're the ones who are emotionally attached to you and they're really needy, spoiled, self-centered and selfish and most likely their caring can be really suffocating and uncomfortable but yeah we all go through this 

Sorry for my long rant but the only way to balance a healthy relationship and friendship is not to be so attached to them too quickly and always take it very slow and get to know them and make small talk

Important for all of us here


----------



## FromKai

I get emotionally attached very easily, I'm only a teenager and people say it's just a faze and that I'll get over it. 
But recently it's getting worse and worse. I'll message an old friend on Facebook and if they don't reply within an hour maybe not even that I start getting anxious and going though scenarios in my head about why they arent replying. 
Other times it's been break ups and it'll take me months and months to stop thinking about things that could happen like fantasies. 
I fantasise about my future with someone within days or weeks of knowing them.
This has ruined lots of my relationships and now lots of my friends are unfriending me because I get very attached.


----------



## D4567

I have the same problem. at the end of semesters in my college i have almost the same feelings. It's like every person in that class room was a part of you for the time being even though i have never talked to all of them and in the end i feel like im going on a serious emotional breakdown because i still haven't made any friends or gotten close to the girls i like. At the end of each semester i think to myself "next semester you'll find somebody" to comfort myself but i have 2 more semesters to go. i wonder what would happen to me once i graduate and haven't made a single friend or formed a relationship with a girl.


----------



## ccatv

i feel like that all the time. In fact the reason i stumbled onto this page was cause i was trying to take my mind off things and not overthink and become paranoid. 

for me its like whenever someone treats me a little better ill feel emotionally attached to him/her. and i always need to hold back cause i know he/she is just being friendly. however i find it very difficult to not give my all (attention, time, affection). its either i don't care at all or i care all the way. its unhealthy i guess and i really wish i can stop being this way


----------



## Lailax

You should know that you are worth treating with respect so treat yourself with love and kindness. So when others do the same you will simply reciprocate without getting attached. When time for attachment comes you will know instinctively. Friendships can be formed in minutes but may take years to develop. First become your own best friend. Good luck.


----------



## Deepsecrets

Ok, I'm knew to this site. I suffer from SAD. No one knows because my entire life I've been extremely outgoing & always the liveliest one in the group. It wasn't until about 3 years ago it really started to kick in. Now it's almost crippling me in my daily life. I recently met someone online and we hit it off instantly let me add this person is someone who I had a huge crush on since the day I started following her on social media. Well one day she just begins talking to me and of course I get immediately wrapped up. Like I want to talk as much as possible. I enjoy every conversation etc. well in this convo I admitted that I was gay. She is the first person I've ever told so I'm not sure if that's where the attachment is coming from bc I thought something could actually come out of this or what but we talked a lot like all day everyday for a week after I told her and now she has disappeared like maybe one txt a day. I'm obviously devastated which is crazy bc we barely know each other but it is what it is. I just need help in putting it behind me and moving on. It's not healthy I hate that I do this. Help anyone who has had this happen to them! Thx guys!


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## Barakiel

Me too.


----------



## pixie86

I'm like that too!!! I'm lonely and I get attached to people so fast. And usually they dont have the time to hang out with me as much as I want to with them, and then I feel pclingy and pathetic. Because they're so much more important to me than I am to them. 

Luckily I have found two friends who have anxiety issues too, and they dont see me as clingy (or maybe they do but they accept me as I am). But one of them lives in another country and the other on in another city :/


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## ImSocial1

Hmm, interesting thread.

I know for myself, I am extremely picky with people and could safely say that I hate the majority of people that I meet / know, but I will have this instant 'feeling' when I meet someone I like, and it's those people I get attached to, too easily and that usually leads to some kind of relationship - which inevitably ends badly because I didn't spend enough time getting to know them beforehand.


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## chompers

It's hard for me to find someone I like, because I find most people to be annoying or jerks or phonies, so when I do I just want to latch onto them like a life raft. Sounds healthy right? When I do this I can get obsessive. I think I do a pretty good job of hiding this when I'm with the person, but then when I'm not I'm constantly thinking about them, obsessing over texts they did or didn't send me, planning when I will see them next, etc. It's super annoying. It makes me feel like a psycho and a creep. 

Also I feel like my brain is constantly being hijacked by these unwanted, pointless, obsessive thoughts that interrupt me throughout my day and stop me from focusing on productive things. And then I think, christ, this person probably doesn't give me a second thought and here I am making up all this **** about them and fantasizing conversations with them and whatever else. What a loser!


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## Lydaya

I have this too! When me and another person click as they show that they like me too, I get way to clingy to them and then I'm obsessed. Then I ALWAYS do one thing wrong and then I mess things up, and then I hate myself for it for a really long time and then I always think they won't like me as much anymore.


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## sleepy lizard

I do this, but with a twist. I don't do it in person. If I hit it off with someone irl, sometimes they act like they want to friend me and we even exchange info. But I never contact. Oddly they don't either and I'm okay with that. The interaction was enough to satisfy my social needs for quite a while. Here is the twist. I did that when I got big into social gaming. Everyone who complemented me or hung around for a bit was like my new best friend, and I'd wait around for them to log on all day if I had to. I had just been through a horrible breakup and was extra needy. I couldnt stop thinking about them, and how they were more like me, not the people who hurt me and judged me. I obtained many friends this way and felt alive for a few years of bliss. Then it bit me in the butt with a couple romantic interests. I made a fool of myself and I've since disappeared. Now I'm scared to log facebook because one of my friends might want to see if I'm okay. It's been a couple of years and I still think about them, missing them. It became just like real life eventually with the backstabbing (not all of them), then the fantasy was over. I guess I don't do it anymore because I hide, but I can relate to the obsessive feelings of belonging.


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## Shawn81

All the time. Even if I just speak to someone for two seconds in passing. We end up building a really deep relationship and have extensive conversations. In my head. I fall in love way too easy too. Frequently with someone I just see online or something. Then I do the same thing. After a while I realize the person will never even know I exist, and then I feel bad. And then I feel even worse when I stop and think about what a psychotic weirdo they would think I was if they knew how extensive out relationship had gotten in my head. It's really pathetic.


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## Jeoup

I've been living with my sister and she moved out because she got a job somewhere else i've been really sad and and lonely since she left. I get attached to places too. Like if I go somewhere for like a week when I go back home I won't stop thinking about the place, i miss it like i've been living there my whole life.


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## Seiyoku

This is one of the things I struggle with the most. The second I meet someone that I feel like I can talk with slightly comfortably, I get really attached to them and feel like I just want to keep on talking with them forever. I start worrying about losing them, about them not liking me anymore, or worry about them hurting me. I become filled with both fear at the thought of somehow losing my relationship with them, even though it just began, or filled with desperation at the thought of needing to spend as much time with them as possible. I don't really know how to cope.


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## SwtSurrender

Wow 2011.... Yeah me too, really hurts my soul. But I love him at first sight, always.


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## SwtSurrender

Seiyoku said:


> This is one of the things I struggle with the most. The second I meet someone that I feel like I can talk with slightly comfortably, I get really attached to them and feel like I just want to keep on talking with them forever. I start worrying about losing them, about them not liking me anymore, or worry about them hurting me. I become filled with both fear at the thought of somehow losing my relationship with them, even though it just began, or filled with desperation at the thought of needing to spend as much time with them as possible. I don't really know how to cope.


Ah yeah same.


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## SilkyJay

Seiyoku said:


> This is one of the things I struggle with the most. The second I meet someone that I feel like I can talk with slightly comfortably, I get really attached to them and feel like I just want to keep on talking with them forever. I start worrying about losing them, about them not liking me anymore, or worry about them hurting me. I become filled with both fear at the thought of somehow losing my relationship with them, even though it just began, or filled with desperation at the thought of needing to spend as much time with them as possible. I don't really know how to cope.


you just hit the nail on the head for many of us. I've been so isolated for the last 3, 4, ok 7, or 8 years (tricky to put a year on this) that I find myself cringing at some of my actions. Absolutely can relate to what you said here. People that haven't been isolated for as long I feel don't quite get how difficult this is when your longing for someone special. And simply just feeling something that you thought you would never feel again is shocking especially when you see things in someone that you didnt' think existed in the opposite sex.


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## Seiyoku

Yajyklis10 said:


> you just hit the nail on the head for many of us. I've been so isolated for the last 3, 4, ok 7, or 8 years (tricky to put a year on this) that I find myself cringing at some of my actions. Absolutely can relate to what you said here. People that haven't been isolated for as long I feel don't quite get how difficult this is when your longing for someone special. And simply just feeling something that you thought you would never feel again is shocking especially when you see things in someone that you didnt' think existed in the opposite sex.


I've been homeschooled for the past 7 or 8 years myself, with no interaction with anyone socially outside of my own home during that entire period. That includes over the Internet. For a few weeks at a time, here and there throughout the years I'd attempt to get to know people online, but every time I started getting attached to someone I met, I'd retreat from whatever forum/online game/website I was on and just delete my entire presence from it, like I was never even there, leaving everyone I knew behind.

I completely understand what you're saying when it comes to longing for someone special. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex (for me anyways, obviously that logic doesn't apply to everyone). I just feel a tinge in my heart when I realize I'm speaking to someone I may be able to connect to, and that tinge consists of both fear and happiness. I feel like I don't want to jump the gun and start delving into deep feelings and thoughts with them, but I also don't want to remain an "acquaintance" and end up losing them. It's just so complicated.


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## SilkyJay

Seiyoku said:


> I've been homeschooled for the past 7 or 8 years myself, with no interaction with anyone socially outside of my own home during that entire period. That includes over the Internet. For a few weeks at a time, here and there throughout the years I'd attempt to get to know people online, but every time I started getting attached to someone I met, I'd retreat from whatever forum/online game/website I was on and just delete my entire presence from it, like I was never even there, leaving everyone I knew behind.
> 
> I completely understand what you're saying when it comes to longing for someone special. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex (for me anyways, obviously that logic doesn't apply to everyone).* I just feel a tinge in my heart when I realize I'm speaking to someone I may be able to connect to, and that tinge consists of both fear and happiness. I feel like I don't want to jump the gun and start delving into deep feelings and thoughts with them, but I also don't want to remain an "acquaintance" and end up losing them. It's just so complicated.*


:squeeze thanks for saying something I couldn't possibly put into words. all of it really


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## Wiccaneye

So yesterday I met this guy who ended up having a lot of common things with me. He played around with me by pushing each other blah blah blah. He has a beautiful girlfriend, but I ignored that part. I scratched his back because he likes that.... I could feel the energy between us and it felt so amazing!. I asked him if he could drive me to my job and he did!. When we started walking to his car I told him he shouldn't let someone else scratched his back since he has a girlfriend... His response was that he wouldn't cheat on her with me. I was glad but sad at the same time. I think that because I never really had friends when I was a kid... Then I get attached really easily and now I'm heart broken.


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## lyns06

This thread is my life in a nutshell. My friend introduced me to two new friends at lunch (one guy, one girl) less than a week ago and I'm hopelessly attacted to the guy even though he has a girlfriend. I didn't mean to be attached to him and I feel really horrible. And this honestly isn't the first time, it's happened before last year with a guy I met in my Bio class who also had a girlfriend. Please don't think I'm a minx or *****, because I'm not! I wish this would just stop happening to me, it's getting out of control.


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## White Iris

Emotional attachment like this is a sign of BPD.

I'm not sure if there are other disorders or conditions that can leave someone susceptible to this.


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## AnonymUnhappy

Thanks for Posting everyone - just reading there are many others like this help. I suffer from this badly.... It causes many issues, the biggest to deal with is that when relationships end, even if they are a short 3 week fling with a girl, I suffer massive heartache like I have just lost a partner of 20 years. I also just can't let go, when I know I should. Also, I notice I'm clingy, I compliment them so much and want to be with them and in contact with them all the time - it takes over my life if it's a girl and the relationship is sexual - even if I have only known them for a week. I had a 3 week fling with a girl who was great and she was always honest about it being temporary but I knew I'd get attached and I did and now its over I suffer bad heartache. Not her fault. I know its primarily caused by my lonliness and lack of a large social circle. Its so f---ing hard.... 

So whats the answer?


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## dune87

I tend to get attached too. But I've figured out ways to cool off. Like being very rational and analysing it a little bit. I always come to the conclusion that I don't know the person that well and that he has several flaws I can't see right now. I also ask my self how does this person contribute in my life right this moment. Most of the times they don't. At least not yet. This really helps me cool off and get to know the person better without rushing and stressing out and having expectations. Think it out and you'll feel much better.


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## Karaleigh

I get attached to people very easily as well. To be honest I can get attached to anything (objects, pets etc.) very quickly, though being attached to a person lasts longer and is stronger. Mine stems from a childhood of abandonment so I cling on to anyone that gives me the time of day, doesn't always end well. 
I've always thought it was BPD but my therapist/psychiatrist has never brought it up and I've been to nervous/scared to.


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## Laurag5741

I suffer with social anxiety and I often get attached to people straight away, but it's mainly older men. I have just started a new job and I've started to become really attached to the manager. I am really worried about it because we've never actually had a proper conversation and I'm only 19 and he's in his 50's I wouldn't say it was a sexual attraction but it's like I've become obsessed with him, I think about him all the time and it scares me because I don't even know him at all. He's not even good looking but this happened quite a lot when I was at school with any male teachers that were nice to me and I feel like some sort of freak, I've had a real crush on a teacher before but that was a totally different feeling. I feel like some sort of freak and was wondering if anyone else with social anxiety has ever experienced these sorts of feelings. I just want to feel normal and I can't seem to figure out why I like him, I find it really hard to act normal around him as well because always think how have I managed to become obsessed with someone I know nothing about. I often find myself worrying about what would happen if anyone found out about how easily attached I get and thinks I'm weird because this surely can't be normal. Thanks for your help xx


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## umakemebarf

That's why I try to have a good amount of people to talk to, 'cause the more lonelier you are the more you might cling to people. 'Cause having a lot of people in your life will also make it not as bad if you lose people.


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## NuthinSimple

I have this same problem. And I think it's because I was with the same girl for about 5 years all through highschool and a bit after. I miss that connection, so everytime I meet a girl who I get along with my longing for something similar pushes me into being attached. It sucks.


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## slowlyimproving

I tend to get attached to some types of people. But, if they're clearly not that interested or attached to me, why should I really care about them? That helps me to decouple and move on.


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## BlindAndBroken

I wondered if I was the only one that gets attached too easily. I have struggled with this for years. Finally, decided to Google it and see what I could find.

My most recent attachment was a girl I met in a mutual interest Facebook group. We started chatting and I thought we hit it off. When I found out she matches on nearly everything I am looking for, we talked about meeting in person and she seemed okay with that. We talked for a year, things seemed to be going super well and I recently brought it up again. She made it clear she is not interested. Whether she has cold feet or she was yanking my chain, I don’t know. I feel like such a loser.


My attachment before that was to my female physical therapist for an injured back. I saw her for 6 weeks and as usual, got a stupid attachment. The last day was sad. 

I’ve gotten attached to my physicians assistant. Even the techs that hook me up for plasma donation. They’ll ask me something and I perceive that as interest. I dunno why I am so stupid.

I am sure there is more, but you get the idea. I wish there was a pill I could take to shut this all down. I am tired of the immense emotional pain of flaky or non existent friendships. The stupid thing is it feels like a breakup, even if there was NO relation/friendship. In many ways I just want to die, because I am fairly certain it won’t get better. I don’t know HOW to get to know a person without getting attached/invested.

I don’t feel I am clingy when trying to make friends, but maybe because I value quality over quantity it comes across as clingy. I don’t know. Maybe I really am clingy and try to deny it.

As if it wasn’t hard enough to make friends, I am moderately deaf, and going blind, so going out is difficult.

If I meet someone online I get it in my head we should meet fairly soon, even though it feels like weeks or months has passed, even if I just “met” them a few days prior. I read an article recently about depressives and a time warp of sorts.

I constantly overanalyze what someone does or says, and that’s another thing that irritates me to no end. 

Some days I want to marry, but I can’t imagine any woman putting up with my crap. That, among a myriad of other things has me in a depression I don’t think I’ll ever recover from.

I’m loyal, I give it my all, but in the end it doesn’t matter. People just take and toss.

I’m a hopeless romantic, with emphasis on hopeless. Before I die, I would like to experience the love of a good woman. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.


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## imskyhiii

wow i feel you im the same way and i get that way towards boys *sighs*


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## watswrongwithme

Oh my god. I practically read through this entire thread and could relate so much.

Incoming wall of text. I want to share my story and what I learned.

So basically I've been trying to understand why I keep ****ing up my friendships/relationships with people and why I was never content in my life, and this thread has just hit the nail on the head. I think it all comes down to having a void that we need to fill with self-love, but because we don't have the right tools to do that, we go take the "easy" route and try to gain love from other people. It's almost like a survival instinct. It's this urgent feeling inside of you pushing you to find a connection so you can receive validation and feel the love you cannot give yourself. It has to do with self-worth.

Some people here mentioned it's either 0% or all the way to 100%. This is exactly me. I either don't care and pull away COMPLETELY, or if I get attached I am there 100%. It's scary and very unhealthy. 

Years ago I made an online friend who I really connected with, that's something that rarely happens to me. So as I kept talking to her and she accepted me with my flaws and all, it's almost like I fell for her even though I'm straight. I invested so much into the friendship yet I was also very insecure and scared that she would just stop talking to me. I felt a clusterf*** of emotions all at once. Any signs of pulling away on her part, I would immediately begin to think she hated me and it was over, when in reality people just need their space and don't want to emotionally babysit someone 24/7. I got so paranoid that I ended up cutting it off before she could, before she realized something was REALLY wrong with me. And I knew something was wrong with me so I had to go and figure it out. The painful story continues.

What I did after that as a coping mechanism, I filled "the void" with negative emotions towards others for not understanding me, since I always felt left out from family and very different from most of the friends I ever had (except the girl I just mentioned). Now it didn't have to hurt anymore and I NEVER got lonely, EVER. I preferred to be alone, not just because of my introversion but because I genuinely felt disconnected from practically everyone in my life. I absolutely hated people who were clingy or even liked me to the point where they wanted to be friends with me, I found it annoying and never opened myself up. The walls around me were very high. The problem here was that the void was still there because it wasn't filled "authentically" by understanding and being kind to myself. I was like a black hole instead of someone radiating their true self. I was guarded instead of "okay with who I am". That's the key that I would eventually come to learn.

So fast forward a couple more years, one day I began working on my confidence and anxieties and made some progress. Not too much, but JUST enough to get rid of those negative feelings and coping mechanisms I had within myself. It got to the point where I began liking myself a little so I wasn't as blind and negative to the world around me anymore. The "void" now contained only a fraction of darkness mixed with VERY LITTLE positivity. The majority of it still empty. At this point, I came across a guy who I really connected with. I went from 0% to 100000000000% on the inside. I created all these scenarios and fantasies in my head, I legitimately made up a relationship with him FOR MONTHS ON END although we were mere acquaintances. It wasn't that he showed me kindness and I fell for him right away (this is probably where I can't exactly relate to some of you who posted in this thread), no, we were just very similar minded and since that's a rarity, I was so excited and wanted to make everything happen at once. I tried to control myself and it worked up to a point, he showed interest back and didn't seem appalled/scared, but my emotions just took over and, long story short, he ended up walking away because I said something that gave away my neediness or at the very least, I'm sure he felt something was off about me. I was completely devastated at that point, seriously so depressed for months, I used to get nightmares over it and how much I embarrassed myself and how pathetic I must've looked. 

I was left with the void and absolutely NO coping mechanisms to fill it with anymore, because I knew they were coping mechanisms and not the truth. I couldn't lie to myself by saying "I don't need people, they're all horrible and I just want to be completely alone, F*** EVERYONE" like I used to. Imagine that, when you have nothing to grasp and nothing to soothe you in the hardest times. Not even yourself, since you still don't have a sense of identity and you have no idea what it really means to be okay with who you are.

It was one of the darkest points in my life, hands down. And it was during that time that I was the most vulnerable I had ever been, desperate for friends, and I immediately took a liking to anyone who smiled at me or exchanged a couple of words with. That lasted only a couple of weeks though before I realized why I was doing it.

It's been over a year since then and I can finally look back and look at everything objectively. In the end what I realized is that it's never about the other person/people, not really. It's about us. We MUST be content within ourselves. No one, not even me, would want someone who's very dependent and 'incomplete'. That puts way too much pressure on someone, it's almost like having to take care of a little kid who continuously throws tantrums and begs for attention. It's downright suffocating.
I feel like I should publish a book on this.


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## TimeToBegin

Oh my god. I practically read through this entire thread and could relate so much.

Incoming wall of text. I want to share my story and what I learned.

So basically I've been trying to understand why I keep ****ing up my friendships/relationships with people and why I was never content in my life, and this thread has just hit the nail on the head. I think it all comes down to having a void that we need to fill with self-love, but because we don't have the right tools to do that, we go take the "easy" route and try to gain love from other people. It's almost like a survival instinct. It's this urgent feeling inside of you pushing you to find a connection so you can receive validation and feel the love you cannot give yourself. It has to do with self-worth.

Some people here mentioned it's either 0% or all the way to 100%. This is exactly me. I either don't care and pull away COMPLETELY, or if I get attached I am there 100%. It's scary and very unhealthy. 

Years ago I made an online friend who I really connected with, that's something that rarely happens to me. So as I kept talking to her and she accepted me with my flaws and all, it's almost like I fell for her even though I'm straight. I invested so much into the friendship yet I was also very insecure and scared that she would just stop talking to me. I felt a clusterf*** of emotions all at once. Any signs of pulling away on her part, I would immediately begin to think she hated me and it was over, when in reality people just need their space and don't want to emotionally babysit someone 24/7. I got so paranoid that I ended up cutting it off before she could, before she realized something was REALLY wrong with me. And I knew something was wrong with me so I had to go and figure it out. The painful story continues.

What I did after that as a coping mechanism, I filled "the void" with negative emotions towards others for not understanding me, since I always felt left out from family and very different from most of the friends I ever had (except the girl I just mentioned). Now it didn't have to hurt anymore and I NEVER got lonely, EVER. I prefered to be alone, not just because of my introversion but because I genuinely felt disconnected from practically everyone in my life. I absolutely hated people who were clingy or even liked me to the point where they wanted to be friends with me, I found it annoying and never opened myself up. The walls around me were very high. The problem here was that the void was still there because it wasn't filled "authentically" by understanding and being kind to myself. I was like a black hole instead of someone radiating their true self. I was guarded instead of "okay with who I am". That's the key that I would eventually come to learn.

So fast forward a couple more years, one day I began working on my confidence and anxieties and made some progress. Not too much, but JUST enough to get rid of those negative feelings and coping mechanisms I had within myself. It got to the point where I began liking myself a little so I wasn't as blind and negative to the world around me anymore. The "void" now contained only a fraction of darkness mixed with VERY LITTLE positivity. The majority of it still empty. At this point, I came across a guy who I really connected with. I went from 0% to 100000000000% on the inside. I created all these scenarios and fantasies in my head, I legitimately made up a relationship with him FOR MONTHS ON END although we were mere acquaintances. It wasn't that he showed me kindness and I fell for him right away (this is probably where I can't exactly relate to some of you who posted in this thread), no, we were just very similar minded and since that's a rarity, I was so excited and wanted to make everything happen at once. I tried to control myself and it worked up to a point, he showed interest back and didn't seem appalled/scared, but my emotions just took over and, long story short, he ended up walking away because I said something that gave away my neediness or at the very least, I'm sure he felt something was off about me. I was completely devastated at that point, seriously so depressed for months, I used to get nightmares over it and how much I embarrassed myself and how pathetic I must've looked. 

I was left with the void and absolutely NO coping mechanisms to fill it with anymore, because I knew they were coping mechanisms and not the truth. I couldn't lie to myself by saying "I don't need people, they're all horrible and I just want to be completely alone, F*** EVERYONE" like I used to. Imagine that, when you have nothing to grasp and nothing to soothe you in the hardest times. Not even yourself, since you still don't have a sense of identity and you have no idea what it really means to be okay with who you are.

It was one of the darkest points in my life, hands down. And it was during that time that I was the most vulnerable I had ever been, desperate for friends, and I immediately took a liking to anyone who smiled at me or exchanged a couple of words with. That lasted only a couple of weeks though before I realized why I was doing it.

It's been over a year since then and I can finally look back and look at everything objectively. In the end what I realized is that it's never about the other person/people, not really. It's about us. We MUST be content within ourselves. No one, not even me, would want someone who's very dependent and 'incomplete'. That puts way too much pressure on someone, it's almost like having to take care of a little kid who continuously throws tantrums and begs for attention. It's downright suffocating.

I feel like I should publish a book on this.


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## Riff Raff

yes, when I meet certain people and really like them. I can too get attached to some degree and it can hurt when you have to leave their life.. or they have to leave theirs. Like for me. I move a lot in life. Every 2 years I wind up moving to a new area and I have to leave all the people behind that I met in that area. I sometimes keep in touch with some of the people In that past area... but not all of them. So yeah, I do know what its like to be attached to people to some degree and they to have them pop out of your life. But I have adapted to this and just have gotten to know that this is just the way it is. In our adult life... people often come into our life for a season. And once that season is over they often move on in life...or you have to move on in life and then they are gone. I have come to know that is the way it goes..so well Now what I do is really try to get to enjoy people and their company while we have time together and I also like to try and get a few pics of us together for the memory. But I also have learnt not to try to hard to keep people in my life if they need to move on. Because sometimes I call people from the past and they dont get back to me... I just take it as it is. They are too busy or maybe have too many things going on in their life and just dont have time for me anymore.. I have learnt to just move on. As I see it there are always other people to make friends with and life is short. So I dont obsess over maintaining a relationship with any person if now there is no time...or now the circumstances are not right. I just chalk it up as....well we had a lot of good times together now its time to move on. 
thats what works for me


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