# i haven t left my house in years.



## Jassa (Mar 15, 2015)

Hi! I´m 31, live with my mother, work from home and I haven´t gone outside for many years. I don´t have any diagnosis because I haven´t seen a psychiatrist.
I work part time monday to friday, do housework, walk on treadmill, listen to music, spend time on computer and watch tv.
I´m socially awkward and I hate people looking at me because I look weird so I just stop going out a few months after my sister past away and after I got this job from home.

Has anybody been in this situation, How did you get better, were did you get help. I know the first step is the hardest.
Its a bit lonely but this lifestyle is normal to me now so I don´t feel depressed, its just is what it is.........


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## ElectricWizard (Jan 27, 2014)

Jassa said:


> Has anybody been in this situation, How did you get better, were did you get help. I know the first step is the hardest.
> Its a bit lonely but this lifestyle is normal to me now so I don´t feel depressed, its just is what it is.........


I was like that for some years and lost contact with friends and had no social life. Trying to find things to entertain myself at home but there are only so many things you can do. The best thing for me was to put on some hiking boots and go out for a walk around the countryside early in the morning with my uncle every sunday. Was so nice to get some fresh air and return home feeling positive.


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## Agricola (Feb 20, 2015)

ElectricWizard said:


> I was like that for some years and lost contact with friends and had no social life. Trying to find things to entertain myself at home but there are only so many things you can do. The best thing for me was to put on some hiking boots and go out for a walk around the countryside early in the morning with my uncle every sunday. Was so nice to get some fresh air and return home feeling positive.


This is very good advice. Just going for a walk in the fresh air is helpful when it comes to feeling better. I walk in the forest preserve close to my home. I often bring crackers with me to feed the ducks in the river that runs through the forest and I enjoy reading in the forest as well.

My mind is often more at ease in the woods among the animals. I think more clearly.


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## inthewater (Mar 1, 2014)

I agree that nature is a good way to start. It is peaceful. And, ideally, there are no people to cause stress.

I've never experienced what you're going through, but I've often felt the potential. I wish you luck getting to wherever you want to be.


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## Jassa (Mar 15, 2015)

ElectricWizard said:


> I was like that for some years and lost contact with friends and had no social life. Trying to find things to entertain myself at home but there are only so many things you can do. The best thing for me was to put on some hiking boots and go out for a walk around the countryside early in the morning with my uncle every sunday. Was so nice to get some fresh air and return home feeling positive.


So do you live a "normal" life now? If so, how long did it take from sunday walks to work, friends, going out almost everyday.
Where you young when you stayed indoors, It seems easier for young people to break that habit.....


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I couldn't handle being locked up in a house all day, on my days off i always find excuses to go for a walk just for the sake of it. Sometimes i get fed up with being in my flat so i'll go for a long walk for a few hours, even though i know this small city like the back of my hand its just something my soul requires.
You live in Sweden, its a pretty country like NZ, i'd recommend getting out for walks unless you hate it. For me walking is one of life's great pleasures.


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## Tethers (Mar 27, 2015)

I've been mostly housebound for 10+ years. Live with my mom, single, fat, on disability, no friends. I have no advice to give you for changing your circumstances, because I have failed to change mine. What advantage I have managed is to be less upset about it than I used to be; but that's not much of a consolation.

Loneliness is the kicker.

The furthest I ever got and the best response I ever got was going on walks 5 days a week (even if it's just around the block in the middle of the night so no one will bother you). But after some unrelated drama, I went back to my hermitage.

I do advise a therapist, you can talk to one over the phone if you want. Not because they will cure you, but because they can educate you -- if you get one with relevant experience, which is mandatory.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

i'm very similar to you i'm 30, work from home live with dad, i pretty much just go on the computer and goto grocery stores to get outside the house. but i spend 16-20 hours a day in my room 7 days a week for the last 7 years

the only thing that helped was a forced trip to san francisco i did about 6 months ago my dad started on retirement and bought me and my brother tickets and when the date got close i wanted to bail but the regret of wasting his money was too much so i went. it forced me to do alot of things that i don't want to do like be out in public pretty all the time, interact with people to order food/ lodging. it was very tough but in the end my anixety was improved. i just need to continue being outside all the time. the problem was once i got back home i reverted back to my old habits.

the problem i find is i have to work to make money/ so i can't devote full effort to overcoming anxiety. if i devote full effort the money gets low and i have to come back and work to make more. and working from home i get no interaction. so that's why the progress stops.

also working at home has many distractions and i become unmotivated so i often waste lots of time just browsing the internet and only doing enough work to pay my bills so i don't end up having the discipline to save enough money to overcome my problem.


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## Jassa (Mar 15, 2015)

Thank you for the advice. My problems are more then SA so it feels kind off hopeless right now, but I do have hope it will be better some day and I hope that day come soon. 
I will look into how to get some help thru phone anonymously.
Starting the work from home was probably the worse thing for me because it made me give up on trying to become better. 
My room is my safe place "In this world I lock out all my worries and my fears" (Beachboys-in my room ).


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## ElectricWizard (Jan 27, 2014)

Jassa said:


> So do you live a "normal" life now? If so, how long did it take from sunday walks to work, friends, going out almost everyday.
> Where you young when you stayed indoors, It seems easier for young people to break that habit.....


I don't think I will ever live a normal social life that's because I'm an introvert and have times where I become deeply introverted and isolated form the outside world as a result. Finding places to get out and about that are not too socially demanding is what I'm looking for now. I became reclusive in my early twenties, before that I was able to hold down a job and have some kind of social life but drugs and alcohol played a big part.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

What kind of work do you do from home? 

Maybe you should get a dog so you have to walk him every day, go to the park on weekends, go the vet. Can you handle that?


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I used to be like that but I'm slowly starting to go out. I went to church by myself last week and I felt awkward because that was the first time I went to church by myself. Of course I sat at an empty row by myself. Everyone else sat together in the center. Talk about making it even more awkward. I don't have a nice face so I get what you mean when it comes to people staring at your face but hey...most of them don't have nice faces either.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

I've been unemployed most of the last six years. I mostly sit around the house, go to the gym, or hang around coffee shops. I've basically given up on life.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

I think you need to get help with someone who specializes in agoraphobia.


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## yuuck (Feb 24, 2015)

If you don't mind me asking, what's your job?


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## 1anonymous12345 (Apr 2, 2015)

Reaching 50 years old.

Went from having it all career/$/friend/etc, to...

...extreme SA, no job/$/zero friends or fam support/no savings/no owned home/never married or had kids! This happened during my past decade, but I had no idea it was happening!, nor my boyfriend at the time. Now that boyfriend of 10 years dumped me via phone and dissapeared. With no closure but cruelty. That alone made want to be alone/depressed.

But I realize now my SA was happening in milder form for those 10 years, after loosing a ton of friends.
Didn't realize ever I had SA til now! Nor my ex.

Now cannot cope with so much I've lost due to it: 
friends, career, savings, $, never married nor had kids, ex, owned home. I'm in some serious financial trouble and 100% alone.

SA goes along depression.
Lost it ALL due to both.
Struggling to live one more day like this. Seriously considering ending my life. I am extremely depressed to the point I've lost 30 pounds and I'm skinny. Being alone 24/7 in silence is just terrible, with no $ or job. My best years gone and cannot recover them. I had no clue I was getting old...but my depressio & SA did know!

GOSH I HATE MYSELF. I must end my life asap and cannot manage to do it it's scary!

Please write to me at 1anonymous12345


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## Jassa (Mar 15, 2015)

To those who ask what I work with, I conduct public opinion poll/survey.
I make calls to people and ask questions about things in society like politics, voting, traffic, insurance, health and so on.
First days when I started with this job my voice was shaking, heart beating so fast and I was crying and I wanted to give up but I had to do this because I couldn't face to go out and I needed money or we would be forced to move to a small place and I would have to share room with my mother.
It took a few weeks, doing the same survey, for me to feel ok with the job.
Now I only "talk" to the people I have to make these surveys to and a few words to my mother. 
Somehow the job keep me sane, and there seem to be a lot of lonely people where this phone call is the best thing they had that day, but most of the time I hate it but I need the money even if it´s not much.


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## Vegadad (Aug 19, 2012)

Well you were brave enough to start this thread...I think I actually have forum anxiety too, I am always afraid that someone is going to question me for expressing myself, or just ignore me...and so it is difficult for me to put my issues out there all exposed...

Anyway, you did seek out this place and that is a good thing...forums are an amazing support for people who have difficulty finding it elsewhere...hang in there, Jassa


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

There are many times I just lock myself away from people. Trouble leaving the flat. The way I get around it is walk the quiet routes. And like above go for long nature walks/hikes. 
I put in the back of my mind if someone bothers me 'I punch them' gives me the edge I need move it out of the flat.


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## feelsoblue (Mar 30, 2015)

I only get out if I have work (usually temp jobs), once I come home I go on the net basically until bed. I have no friends so I don't get invited anywhere or go out. I also support the advice to go take a walk and get some fresh air, it really is therapeutic and lets you clear your mind at least during that time.


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## yuuck (Feb 24, 2015)

feelsoblue said:


> I only get out if I have work (usually temp jobs), once I come home I go on the net basically until bed. I have no friends so I don't get invited anywhere or go out. I also support the advice to go take a walk and get some fresh air, it really is therapeutic and lets you clear your mind at least during that time.


Same, really.


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## netguy123 (Nov 28, 2014)

Jassa said:


> Hi! I´m 31, live with my mother, work from home and I haven´t gone outside for many years. I don´t have any diagnosis because I haven´t seen a psychiatrist.
> I work part time monday to friday, do housework, walk on treadmill, listen to music, spend time on computer and watch tv.
> I´m socially awkward and I hate people looking at me because I look weird so I just stop going out a few months after my sister past away and after I got this job from home.
> 
> ...


Even i was in a similar situation. I had quit my job and was working from home.
I rarely used to go out. 
Later i joined a cycling group and that gave me lot of confidence. Gradually i made
friends and started meeting them on weekends etc.

I think you should definitely try to meet new people perhaps at some activity .

All the best !!!


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## MrEMouse (Jun 12, 2011)

Jassa said:


> I´m socially awkward and I hate people looking at me because I look weird so I just stop going out a few months after my sister past away and after I got this job from home.
> 
> Has anybody been in this situation, How did you get better, were did you get help. I know the first step is the hardest.
> Its a bit lonely but this lifestyle is normal to me now so I don´t feel depressed, its just is what it is.........


I was home bound for 4 years, still struggling to get out but I know it's for the best. I've had SA since I was a kid and developed agoraphobia about 20 years ago. It has always been difficult to go out and be social.

It sounds like maybe you might have a PTSD after your sister passed. You might want to talk to someone about that.

What is working well for me right now is Mindfulness. It's something you don't necessarily need a therapist or doctor for. I would recommend the book "The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety" by Forsyth and Eiffert. Though there are many good books out there on the subject. There is also a M&A workbook for PTSD that might be more appropriate for you. I know it's hard, but talking with a therapist can be effective, if you find the right one. There are also medications these days that are quite wonderful. I would recommend having genetic testing done to find the right one for you, if you are willing to consider going that route. Anyway, hope this helps and good luck finding the answers you are looking for.


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## random lonely man (Dec 17, 2014)

i am 30+, live with my father  i dont work from home but i only leave the house to work part time nightshift at the supermarket. 

but for me my skindisease is to blame. i have a ugly skindisease which cannot be healed so i feel very uneasy to go outside.


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## eclips255 (Aug 8, 2010)

1anonymous12345 said:


> Reaching 50 years old.
> 
> Went from having it all career/$/friend/etc, to...
> 
> ...


I know what it is like to feel like a failure. When everyone around you seems to be happy, with a job, a husband and kids SA has also robbed me of these things. In turn, I have felt frustrated and depressed. But, please do not give up. It is never too late to find someone to share your life with. If the man you were with did not accept you as you are, and did not understand your SA, then you are better off without him. Please find some help and consider seeing a therapist.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

What the hell man. No one is gonna look at you. I feel like that everyday and no body ever looks at me.


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## ryan17795 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Jassa, I know the feeling... for the past 3 years I have been outside 5 times *at most*, and it wasn't easy. I haven't seen a psychiatrist either, my family don't know about SA, they just assume I'm shy/lazy. I'm unemployed and not in education, spending my days lounging around at home doing nothing...

I haven't really overcome it yet, as I am still experiencing it. Maybe you should go for a walk/exercise early in the morning, before the world has waken up and nobody can see you, that's what I am planning on doing... just to get used to being outside.


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## ryan17795 (Apr 17, 2015)

Oops, didn't know this was for 30+ members, my bad.. I'm new and still figuring things out, anyway... I wish you good luck and positive vibes on your journey.


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