# I met a great one today at the supermarket



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

After my flop-up the other night, I kind of felt like my mojo has been at an all-time low. Although it's tough for me to de-focus from sex, I will try to pay more (or less?) attention to my inner voice and figure out what things I'm doing that clearly turn off women once I get to a certain place with them.

I had to stop at the grocery store today and didn't feel like paying particular attention to my dress and just threw on raggedy shoes & a sweatshirt & jeans. Hair's a frizzy mess. Walking around I was only needing a few things but wandered into the fruit area where I saw the kind of girl that immediately makes me feel like she's way out of my league. I don't know how anyone else would see her but to me she was the exact kind of girl I wish I could be with, at least in terms of first impression before knowing anything about her.

I don't normally talk here about women I try to meet but this one was a real stand out based on how I was feeling inside about myself when I saw her. My thoughts circled around not knowing what to do or say, or why a girl like her would even glance at my more than the time it would take her to decide I'm not interesting to her. I tried not to stare but I don't think I could help the way I was looking at her showed her that I was probably at least a little interested. A stroke of luck and she ends up standing near me so I ask her if there is some fruit in season yet and she beams back a big smile and we end up talking for a few minutes about where to find that fruit in the city this time of year, she asks me where I live because she lives nearby, mentioned that if I don't end up finding what she's describing that she "always shops here" and to come find her. Yeah right! So I tell her jokingly that won't work and get her phone number. Every inner demon in my thoughts told me she would make some excuse or give me a wrong number but she didn't hesitate for a second and the next thing I know I have her number which I called & she called me back later before I left the market.

I just got back home and am in a daze of shock. I haven't had that good of a first meeting with a girl that attractive to me & that positive in ages, maybe even 3 or 4 years.

I know now of course what I'm SUPPOSED to do but I want this to be something I can try to do differently this time. Although I kept my mood externally positive, my inner thoughts and the way I was put together she saw me at my worst and still was bright and cheery with me and happy I talked to her. I also don't want to mess this up by overly thinking about how NOT to mess this up, I have to really watch myself and not repeat the same bullcrap I usually do.

This is still a positive for me today. I really needed this. I hope this also helps inspire someone else here to try when their thoughts hold them back from doing something that make a big difference.


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## DarkThoughts (Mar 17, 2013)

*I know that feel*

Yeah, I know that feel of thinking a girl is out of your league. I have that feeling not because of my looks or anything, but because my anxiety keeps from fully engaging in interesting conversations and I think this makes me come off as boring and insecure. I have gotten several attractive girls phone numbers since I've been in college, but I always get alot of anxiety afterwards because I do not know what I'm "supposed" to do. There is a conflict occurring within me because I want to have a successful relationship, but I don't want to shoulder a sense of responsibility because then there is the possibility of failure. Of course, by not trying I know that I am basically failing anyway. It's tough. I've never been in a sexual relationship because it's hard for me to "be myself" and connect with others. I've been approached by women usually respond to their advances by appearing indifferent, but this is just a defense mechanism. Anyway, back to your post...I cannot give any advice because, personally, I don't know what to do myself! Ughhh the struggle


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Wow good for you.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

DarkThoughts said:


> I always get alot of anxiety afterwards because I do not know what I'm "supposed" to do


I'm a little the opposite. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do (to follow up & lead to sex anyway), I'm like an encyclopedia full of know-how. My trouble is in actually executing what I know due to esteem or hesitation or, once alone with women, I'm not great at reading situations well so I'm not very smooth - in fact in those scenarios I'm worse than awkward. BUT because I can work myself into volume situations (it actually IS a numbers game), I do manage sex some of the time but flub pretty much everything after that. I feel like I've been "almost there" for years and years but never quite getting things to where I want them to be or go.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

The irony of this forum is that if I approached a female member of SAS in the same exact way, she'd have probably awkwardly ignored me and ended up starting her own thread about "the creep that tried to talk to me while I was food shopping".


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## meedo (Oct 4, 2011)

VanGogh said:


> The irony of this forum is that if I approached a female member of SAS in the same exact way, she'd have probably awkwardly ignored me and ended up starting her own thread about "the creep that tried to talk to me while I was food shopping".


Man !! do it !!! :clap

she is waiting for you ... call and take her out to coffee or something. :teeth


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

I txt'd her today, simply to get a reply. Offered to treat her to a coffee (or health drink, that sort of thing) based on her helping me with something we were talking about. She thought it was sweet of me to ask but said her days would be busy with work for a number of days, I told her that was alright and I enjoyed meeting her and would be happy to meet up when she does have free time. She hasn't replied to that yet.

In my experience, it was a way for her to either say no softly or make me work harder. I'll try to stay positive about it, though, and simply take it at face value without reading too much into it. She didn't say no, she just indicated she wouldn't have time for a while, so the door is still open.

What this has to do with my issues is that I can't control my thoughts thinking negatively about it, sort of reaffirming to me, "Yes, see, she's out of your league. You're such a loser to think she'd really be interested in you."


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## meedo (Oct 4, 2011)

Look.. if she didn't have anything for you at all she wouldn't have acted too friendly and gave you her number ... don't make her the center of attention now.. wait a while and simply try again. If it didn't happen, others will be interested in you my man .


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## DarkThoughts (Mar 17, 2013)

Oh I hate playing "the game", but it seems it's inevitable nowadays. And yes, I agree that the negative thoughts are always the hardest thing to overcome.


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

VanGogh said:


> I txt'd her today, simply to get a reply. Offered to treat her to a coffee (or health drink, that sort of thing) based on her helping me with something we were talking about. She thought it was sweet of me to ask but said her days would be busy with work for a number of days, I told her that was alright and I enjoyed meeting her and would be happy to meet up *when she does have free time*. She hasn't replied to that yet.
> 
> In my experience, it was a way for her to either say no softly or make me work harder. I'll try to stay positive about it, though, and simply take it at face value without reading too much into it. She didn't say no, she just indicated she wouldn't have time for a while, so the door is still open.
> 
> What this has to do with my issues is that I can't control my thoughts thinking negatively about it, sort of reaffirming to me, "Yes, see, she's out of your league. You're such a loser to think she'd really be interested in you."


First of all well done! I hope it works out for you.

I have a question with the phrasing of the bolded part. Should it be phrased "when you have time" or the other approach of "if you'd like"? I realize both have pros cons, and that one sounds significantly less assertive (which could be terrible), however I wouldn't want to come across as demanding. I'm not saying that you did but for whatever reason getting the right wording with such offers seems tricky to me.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Moment of Clarity said:


> First of all well done! I hope it works out for you.
> 
> I have a question with the phrasing of the bolded part. Should it be phrased "when you have time" or the other approach of "if you'd like"? I realize both have pros cons, and that one sounds significantly less assertive (which could be terrible), however I wouldn't want to come across as demanding. I'm not saying that you did but for whatever reason getting the right wording with such offers seems tricky to me.


My actual text back to her didn't use those words, I just pulled it up, I said "if there's a better time for you we could meet up". I've done this thousands of times so it's not something I think about too much - my real issues are when I finally have women alone, or want to get past just sex, things fall apart quick. My issues are with my internal thoughts rather than my external actions leading up to having her alone.

Not that these kind of subtleties make a huge difference, but the difference is in presuming something will happen rather than asking, but without the presumption somehow trumping the fact that you're asking a question, or there is a clearly implied question. Otherwise, they take it as a cue to avoid answering (if they're not interested) or they bypass it and shift to some kind of neutral zone. Also don't ask girls a yes or no question, they will nearly always say no unless they're already hot for you.


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

Alright, thanks.


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## Gregory House (Feb 14, 2013)

When you finally meet her, behave around girl like it's your sister or someone female who is really close to you.(mind state).

I know a lot of things about this trust me and then you'll not have many negative inner thoughts.


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Happy to be texting her afresh right now, I let a few days pass. Didn't want to repeat what I might normally do in the past. Normally I wouldn't be breaking down my interactions with females on this forum but this one was so very appealing to me that I want to make sure I'm better grounded in following through with her.


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## Blueisgood (Mar 23, 2013)

> thinking about how NOT to mess this up


Understandable. Indeed what a sweet encounter. I'd say the best thing often is to go for it on the spot, as in invite her there and then to go for coffee or something.

The waiting for text and no reply kills...

But, gotta stay positive. Be inspired by the meeting and you know what?

DO IT AGAIN!:clap


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Blueisgood said:


> I'd say the best thing often is to go for it on the spot, as in invite her there and then to go for coffee or something.


That's something I used to do a significant percentage of the times, although I've been out of practice of course. I did have that feeling crack it's way in but I feel like I hesitated and allowed my belief that I had something else to do sort of kill that seed of a thought.


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## Joshua90 (Jan 11, 2013)

great going! =p


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## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Communications fizzled. Couldn't get her to meet. Did everything right, too. My only mistake was not persisting when I initially met her (meaning try to get her to have a coffee or similar with me right from the supermarket). You win some, you lose some. More like win a very few and lose a lot. Oh well.


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