# Sticky  Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.



## Just Tony

Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.

One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.

Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.

So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.

This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt 
Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here
My opinion on how to improve ourselves.here


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## Swagger91

This is so true. I'm constantly thinking about all opportunities I've missed over the past few years. Regret is one of the worst feelings ever, and yet it's SO pointless. I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted. It's ridiculous!


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## LucidVision

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


Nice post +1.

I'm still working on this. (I'm pretty sure I have some OCD)


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## Lasair

Good post sticky!


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## Kennnie

Im currently still working on this getting a lot better though.


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## InfiniteBlaze

Probably my biggest issue at the moment.


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## Just Tony

Janniffy said:


> Good post sticky!


Thanks! I appreciate it miss.


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## feverfew

One of the best posts I've ever read!


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## nathanw

i agree and i know youre right ive tried it so many times, to think positive and everything, and then whats happened is im somewhere where guys will start talking about say, their high school days, and it just brings back all my painful memories-like a dagger in my heart, and then it all comes crashing down!! HELP!!!


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## Neptunus

A+++ post!


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## momentsunset

thanks for this post. i really needed it right now.


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## im Lost

nice post


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## enzo

I see why this is a sticky. 

All i do is think. it will be difficult to do otherwise.


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## MsDaisy

Like I always say....L*I*F*E*G*O*E*S*O*N


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## crispycritter

thank you


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## JenN2791

enzo said:


> I see why this is a sticky.
> 
> All i do is think. it will be difficult to do otherwise.


Yah I've probably spent a good (terribly large) portion of my life just thinking all the time.. worrying to death...regretting to death.... thinking to death.

Everytime something goes bad that somehow reminds me of the abuse I went through back then (and 2-3 yrs ago; sexual abuse), I automatically think Wow..ok..guess I'll be screwed again.. guess everyone is like my parents and my ex. Guess everyone is ****ed up and will **** me over.

That sort of thinking eats me up. I compare so many things to the past that it prevents me from seeing more logical conclusions and quit being so delusional at times as well. It kills me all the time...

So to the OP, this was a great post...thanks.


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## cjamja

Love this post! It's actually made my day  Thank youu


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## bandofoutsider

Thanks for this. It's like a mantra to regaining control over your life.


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## Cub

Sounds good to me.

This is a problem most people with SA have. Past doesn't matter; future doesn't matter; present is what is important.


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## identitycrisis

I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


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## Just Tony

Cub said:


> Sounds good to me.
> 
> 
> Cub said:
> 
> 
> 
> @OP:
> 
> An extremely basic and excellent guideline for life, is this: are you living in the moment, where you are now, or are you living (and predicting) the future (whatever its degree of likeliness)? If the answer is the latter, then you are not living in the moment, where you are now, and therefore nobody is currently living your life.
> 
> Life is meant to be lived, not predicted and moaned over hours on end. Get back to reality, to where you are _now_. xP
> 
> 
> 
> This is a problem most people with SA have. Past doesn't matter; future doesn't matter; present is what is important.
Click to expand...

Agreed.
I like your reply in that post. Couldn't have said it better myself.


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## Bunyip

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


Same


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## luffy

Yeah, easier said than done.


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## Paradoxic

amen brosef


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## falco

Agree, but some problems effected our present, such as small amount of social history, which causes awkward situations.

Of course, the only solution to overcome this circle is to keep putting yourself there, but again, I agree that "it is easier said than done"


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## Toppington

I think I really needed this post. Thanks...


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## Unexist

its so much harder said than done but , i try and try more every day  its like the more you dwell on the past and the future the worse SA becomes, i have just got to learn to live in the moment..


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## Meta14

I tell myself this everyday. Doesn't work.


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## dmpj

Something I have to work on.


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## Just Tony

luffy said:


> Yeah, easier said than done.


Course its easier said then done. No one said it was easy. Its just that knowledge is power and I hoped that this would free some minds a bit.


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## luffy

Just Tony said:


> Course its easier said then done. No one said it was easy. Its just that knowledge is power and I hoped that this would free some minds a bit.


okay. nobody's telling you not to say it.


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## drgiggles

Thanks man this helped i constantly think about the past and it really sucks


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## panzimar

It might be easier said than done, but just keep saying it and the doing it gets easier too.


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## Zerix

Almost impossible to do, but it's nice that this got stickied, will be a real good reminder! Thanks for the post.


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## memoria

even with letting things go, social anxiety keeps us from doing things in the present.


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## Gorillaz

good post !


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## Bunyip

I have to look at this post every now and then, over and over again... xD


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## Milco

_"Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes."_
As with most other things, it's a matter of moderation.

A Christian prayer comes to mind..
_"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."_

You can never get rid of things that happened in the past nor can you your hopes for the future. And neither should you.
The key, and the hard part, is figuring out which things from the past that are still relevant for you to learn from and which things that will only bring harm.
This isn't something we can just whip up just like that, but something that takes a lifetime to really get good at.
It is something to learn as you get better and not a prerequisite for getting better.


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## Nells

Great post and i completely agree..! its just what i was thinking..you're right it is easier said than done but it's something we have to work through!
I know what its like to have your body in the present and your head somewhere else, that was me. I'm addicted to music and i used to fantaze listening to music and my brain got into the habit and i ended up losing my mind, so it's so important to live in the moment and forget about the past..what's done is done, move on!


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## rymo

It's something you need to remind yourself in order to overcome SA and to finally be able to live in the present...great post.


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## radiancia

Milco said:


> _"Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes."_
> As with most other things, it's a matter of moderation.
> 
> A Christian prayer comes to mind..
> _"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,_
> _Courage to change the things I can,_
> _And wisdom to know the difference."_
> 
> You can never get rid of things that happened in the past nor can you your hopes for the future. And neither should you.
> The key, and the hard part, is figuring out which things from the past that are still relevant for you to learn from and which things that will only bring harm.
> This isn't something we can just whip up just like that, but something that takes a lifetime to really get good at.
> It is something to learn as you get better and not a prerequisite for getting better.


This. As you'll all know, its not really possible for the human mind to just go 'okay its over and done'. What you need to do is find peace and resolution with what happened before. When you continue to ruminate over a certain thought its because theres still something there you havent resolved. You need to get to a point where you've realized what went wrong, how you'd do it better, and finally forgive yourself. The problem is sometimes we get stuck because we dont know the answers to those things...which is why they continue to plague us. But once you resolve those issues, things naturally fade into the past because we are truly done with them.


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## nork123

I think often its not a case of stopping the thoughts because I don't think it can always be done, but rather trying to act in spite of them so they don't always have such a strong holding power over you and trying to do your best with the hand you've been dealt, again something easy to say but incredibly hard to actually do

reminds me of the lyrics of "the grudge" by tool which is all about how people cling to grudges and how they confine you and drag you down

Love the last part of the song:

Give away the stone 
Let the ocean take and transmutate 
This cold and fated anchor 
Give away the stone 
Let the waters kiss and transmutate 
These leaden grudges into gold

Let go x33 (crescendo)


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## lmw

I know, I dwell on the past like crazy. Like, I still DREAM about gradeschool, and that was 12 years ago. I think it's hard for me to let go because there's nothing in the present that can erase the past. AKA, no good experiences to erase the bad.


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## J.T.

I constantly do this. This is one of my biggest problems. I wish I could just live in the moment. 

I find that when I'm very distracted, I'm the most at ease. For example, at work, I rarely think about all the problems with my past because if I was to start ruminating past issue too much I could cause a fatal accident. My job requires the use of powerful machines that require my complete attention.

Another thing about letting go is often we hold onto things that are not actually a big deal. For example, last night I sent out an important introductory email to a high level business professional. I made a typo, but didn't notice until after I sent it. For the entire day and night, I worried about the typo and what the repercussions would be; however, this morning, he responded, and I don't think he even noticed the typo.


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## owiej

For me a lot of the things that upset me about the past are that I didn't make friends when I feel I should have at school, at university etc. I hung put with people but they made no effort to see me. It used to make me feel like they didn't like me or at least didn't like me enough to bother with me which made me feel like I must have a unappealing personality and made me really depressed as a result. 

Now I just see it as it was only because of my social anxiety and nothing else. It wasnt because I have a bad personality in any way. I was too anxious to just relax and be myself and so I didn't talk enough so people didn't get to know me well and may have wrongly thought I was boring, probably didnt give off a particularly good vibe, and probably came across as having little confidence which is unappealing. BUT this is all because of having social anxiety. This realization makes me feel so much better about myself AND hopeful for the future when my social anxiety is no longer a problem.


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## mirrussia

I agree with author.


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## SMOOZIE

Lol, great. Only thing I'd say, drop the "worry about now".


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## Ulaylia

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


 I know exactly how you feel! I wonder sometimes how I could have changed my life, so others would like me better. I live it. I was bullied by family, and schoolmates, and could never figure out why. Im always wondering what I did....


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## Neptunus

I was dwelling today, and am glad this post got bumped. I enjoyed re-reading it.


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## neonpanicc

This is one of my main issues i always replay the things i could have said .. done... etc. 
Nice post


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## Socialnoob

Very true. This is where I am at the moment. I am trying to stop living in regret and dwelling in the past. My mind plays tricks on me sometimes and brings me to hash over the past.
I think I need to wake up every morning and read something positive like this to help start my day in the right direction.


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## lifeconnedme

I can dwell on my past like it's all I have! I am literally just starting my life right now, so I cant let it rule my future. Nor should anyone.


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## katkat2012

Yeah so me, I am constantly trying to let go. This week so many confrontations happened I barely had good sleep. I wish I could just let things go and go to bed. Think oh screw it, will think about it tomorrow. How the hell do i do that!!?
I need a special letting go mashine I can step into at the end of the day. 
Maybe if I work out until exaustion .. as if that will ever happen


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## Whyme123

Oh!! How i try to let go of the past!! I am trying though. Wish there was a delete button!! LOL...


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## F1X3R

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as *guilty* of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


I think by dwelling on the past we are really worrying about our future punishment, of facing up to our past, like a criminal turned straight worrying his past catching up with him or a religious convert worrying about paying for past sins.

We shouldn't have to fear our past because we have done nothing wrong to cause our anxiety. Our past makes us who we are, and we aren't guilty of anything. Why let go of your past but not your guilty/shame feelings?

Extremes are unhealthy, whether it's dwelling in the past or blocking it out. Acceptance is key.


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## mzmz

im gonna go gab me some sunshine...as soon as i finish the coffee..you know, in the future!


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## Lukoi

This is such good advice man! Seriously thanks alot. a huge problem for mew is dwelling on the past. Thinking about things ive done / said.


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## Stephon

Of course we all know this, the hard this is actually forgetting the past. Maybe we need to preoccupy ourselves with the present...


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## GameGuy

radiancia said:


> This. As you'll all know, its not really possible for the human mind to just go 'okay its over and done'. What you need to do is find peace and resolution with what happened before. When you continue to ruminate over a certain thought its because theres still something there you havent resolved. You need to get to a point where you've realized what went wrong, how you'd do it better, and finally forgive yourself. The problem is sometimes we get stuck because we dont know the answers to those things...which is why they continue to plague us. But once you resolve those issues, things naturally fade into the past because we are truly done with them.


I can agree with that... but... how can someone resolve an issue when their only source for the answer and resoultion will not reveal itself?

More specifically, I have never let go my parents divorce. Long story short, they divorced when I was 4, and I grew in my mothers custody seeing my father every other weekend. And the custody agreement ended when I turned 18. So, when I do the math, over the 14 year period that my parents were divorced, I only say my father for 4 years. There's a whole lot more to this part of my life, but that's the basics.

I've asked my parents if they would tell their reasons, but they both just blame the divorce on each other. Also, I'm afraid knowing the truth would hurt me more than it would help me. Sure, I could forget about their divorce, but I wouldn't look or feel the same about them again.

How can I get over this part of my past when I don't truly know why it happened?


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## candiedsky

I think I can appreciate the relevance of this. If I was always in the present, I would never drift off into the painful past. :yes


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## Globe_Trekker

I agree. This is also the main point of Erkhart Tolle's _The Power of Now. _


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## ravagingthemassacred

You're perfectly correct. It's amazing how much these simple, small ways we go about thinking really do impact the bigger-picture of our emotions, thought life, mindset. The phrases "let it go", "just do it", and "let go and just see what happens", and the sentiments & deeper thinking behind them, have impacted me hugely once I embraced them.


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## rhames

i really liked your post.. thats something i really need to work on


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## Insanityonthego

This topic may help finish my persistance of the opposite. I love you Tony. You are sweet and right.


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## aplainstick

Everytime I see the Topic title, The thought that always pops up is "No. Hell no". 

Guess that shows a bit of problem.


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## kfreakingimbo

Most definitely a huge issue for me right now! It is the root of most of my problems.


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## silver17

I seriously wish I could do this!
There are so many times when I have to force myself to stop thinking about stupid stuff from the past to concentrate on something important that's happening right in front of me and then 2 minutes later I realise that I'm doing it again!
BRAIN, SHUT UP


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## The Truth

Probably my biggest issue right now. It doesn't feel natural to project confidence, because everybody thinks of you as that depressed, awkward guy. I said a harmless thing to this girl today and she told me to shut-up and that nobody liked me in a loud voice. She was laughing right before she did this.


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## jackdaniels2

bad *** post man


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## yourfavestoner

Yeah, not good to dwell. You'll drive yourself nuts. I know for me personally I picture my life without SA and how I'd be doing and how I'd of taken advantage of the opportunities I DID have. It drives me nuts but it's so difficult. I would do anything to get rid of SA, when it hit it was like a live grenade being plopped at my feet and my whole life died.

I'm alive, but I'm not _living_.

I just wish I could understand why this had to happen to me, then I realize there isn't any one reason to blame it on, as much as I wish there was. I want someone to point the finger at but it just isn't there.


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## A Void Ant

Thank you for the positive words. I just wish it were that easy.


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## A Void Ant

.


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## KingKill33

I try so hard to let things go but I'm just not quite at that point yet. Whenever the tiniest bad thing happens to me I can't help but dwell on it all day and it ruins everything. Bad exchanges with other people bother me because despite being mostly solitary, I know that deep inside I do have a need to avoid disappointing people.


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## mmk

my biggest problem right now. i graduated two years ago and i'm STILL dwelling on things that everyone else has forgotten about. kinda glad to see i'm not the only one, though.


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## Nayia Parks

Im Always Thinking about the past and i always get hurt but i cant help it!! I Want to forget it but im not a person who forgets easily


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## jcyr1188

If you want a good read about staying in the moment find "The Power of Now; the guide to spiritual enlightenment" by eckhart tolle. its a tuff read but apparently has changed millions of peoples lives. Check it out


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## OoFREDoO

this January i had to learn a mild form of meditation for EXACTLY what is stated in the OP.
i was on the verge of some kind of breakdown, thinking nearly constantly of the horrors i endured over this past winter. which only got worse. but learning to focus on my immediate environment to break the lame thought patterns has kept me sane and even sometimes happy in spite of the aspects of my existence that i find... lousy at best. in spite of the fact that I'm reminded of those aspects at least a couple times a week.
i suggest breath awareness mediation to anyone having as severe a problem with the past as i.
the point is to focus on your breathing, how it feels, how it sounds, until that is the thing you're thinking of is breathing instead of whatever was giving you trouble.
i also had to breathe deeper than normal. I've used at least 4x the oxygen this year compared to my normal intake.
it's simple to do, the real trick is to notice you're in a negative thought pattern so you have the chance to escape. at least 2 months practicing that now, and it still won't run on autopilot  but it has gotten easier to notice when i need it, and letting go of annoyances is working a little easier.


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## Vega79

This is one of my biggest issues with SA- I'm extremely sensitive and I constantly dwell on the bad things that happened to me in the past. It's always the embarrassing things I did or whenever I acted foolishly around others, was ridiculed, made fun of. Sometimes it gets to the point where my thinking about it so much causes an anxiety attack to begin.

I guess I just need to learn to mentally "shut up" about all of those things. It's in the past...nothing can be done about it. Nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.


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## Just Tony

Im really glad people seem to come to a realization or have an epiphany while reading this  Glad I can be of some help guys and gals!


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## Just Tony

OoFREDoO said:


> this January i had to learn a mild form of meditation for EXACTLY what is stated in the OP.
> i was on the verge of some kind of breakdown, thinking nearly constantly of the horrors i endured over this past winter. which only got worse. but learning to focus on my immediate environment to break the lame thought patterns has kept me sane and even sometimes happy in spite of the aspects of my existence that i find... lousy at best. in spite of the fact that I'm reminded of those aspects at least a couple times a week.
> i suggest breath awareness mediation to anyone having as severe a problem with the past as i.
> the point is to focus on your breathing, how it feels, how it sounds, until that is the thing you're thinking of is breathing instead of whatever was giving you trouble.
> i also had to breathe deeper than normal. I've used at least 4x the oxygen this year compared to my normal intake.
> it's simple to do, the real trick is to notice you're in a negative thought pattern so you have the chance to escape. at least 2 months practicing that now, and it still won't run on autopilot  but it has gotten easier to notice when i need it, and letting go of annoyances is working a little easier.


*Writes down the breathing exercise*

Thanks for that, I will definitely try that out.


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## Jcoj613

Any tips for getting over someone and not thinking about what could of been?


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## PulchritudinousDemise

As for many things, its easier said than done..


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## PulchritudinousDemise

Jcoj613 said:


> Any tips for getting over someone and not thinking about what could of been?


whenever I'm trying to get over someone (always a guy) I give myself a little time to dwell mentally then I usually write out how I'm feeling in a letter to the guy that I DON'T send..so idk if you're a writer or anything but it def helps me


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## this is my name

Hmm... I do think that I have this problem as well. If someone does something bad to me, I don't get mad. However, I never forget. I won't bring it up or say anything about it and I am somewhat able to forgive, but I never really forget.

Things like my dad abandoning my family when I was 13... I'm not angry about it, but I haven't forgiven him. I still don't feel comfortable talking to him. Abusive things my mother has done, I don't talk about it but I remember. I'm not angry, but it still hurts thinking about it.


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## audrey12

*absolutely right.*

Let it go let it go!!!!!!! You're awesome.


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## squonk

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


I let go of the past, but the present is still a piece of ****.


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## Neo1234

So needed post..


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## cinja

The only issues I can't let go, are the ones I can change or have control over. Otherwise I don't sweat it, not worth the stress.


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## funkytoe

Hey, just wanted to say great advice. I realize that it is the hardest part of Social Anxiety and always trying to forget or Let Go of the thoughts that comes to my mind. But, with dedication and persistence that is the key, without fighting the anxiety with negative thoughts. That just fuel it more, rather think positive and calming thoughts. P.S. I am also from Stockton, California O.P. at least I know I am not alone.


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## Just Tony

funkytoe said:


> Hey, just wanted to say great advice. I realize that it is the hardest part of Social Anxiety and always trying to forget or Let Go of the thoughts that comes to my mind. But, with dedication and persistence that is the key, without fighting the anxiety with negative thoughts. That just fuel it more, rather think positive and calming thoughts. P.S. I am also from Stockton, California O.P. at least I know I am not alone.


Yes I agree. Dedication and persistence is key.

and thats awesome! That makes 3 people from Stockton, CA that visit this site now.


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## millenniumman75

Jcoj613 said:


> Any tips for getting over someone and not thinking about what could of been?


You are probably better off by not being in the relationship. More time can be spent focusing on you and not divided with someone at the moment.


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## Subeew

I signed up just to say thank you for the post.

I've been going through a pretty rough time lately, and those simple words have changed my day.

Thank you.


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## Just Tony

Subeew said:


> I signed up just to say thank you for the post.
> 
> I've been going through a pretty rough time lately, and those simple words have changed my day.
> 
> Thank you.


Thanks for the kind words sir!

Glad I could be of some help, hope things are going better for you now.


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## Subeew

Just Tony said:


> Thanks for the kind words sir!
> 
> Glad I could be of some help, hope things are going better for you now.


They certainly are. I could barely get myself to work this morning, but now I'm actually feeling good about myself.


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## hreneev89

Omg, you hit the nail on the head. I so do that. What to do about it?


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## ChrissyQ

Let it go.. i'll try to ..


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## diesel4

great post... i can relate... like it says on kung fu panda... "the past is history the futures a mystery and today is a gift... that's why it's called the present."


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## Fetch

I definitely struggle with this. Mostly at night, when I'm trying to fall asleep, I'll find myself thinking about something that happened years ago, and I get all embarrassed and start beating myself up for how stupid I acted and start thinking of how I should have acted. Next thing I know its morning and I haven't slept a wink! 

I know I need to let these things go, its really not healthy to dwell on things. It's easier said than done though. 

PS. diesel, love the Kung Fu Panda quote! =D


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## TediousMind

To be honest, there have been many times where I dwelt on the past FAR too much.  Even to this day, I always find myself thinking about it, and I believe that the real reason why I do is because of this terrible experience I had with a "friend" I was with for about 7 years... and by "friend" (notice the quotes), I mean a person who I thought was my friend... truth is, she never truly was. Long story short, she lied about our friendship because she was pressured by relatives to be my friend, and it hurt knowing that she had been with me for so long and didn't even like me to begin with. It gave me a lot of trust issues, and made me wonder if everyone else I meet would be the same way...

You're absolutely right though... it's not healthy to dwell on something that's already long gone. It's probably about time I move on, accept the fact that she's not a real friend, and continue searching for other people who will truly respect me a lot more than she did!  Thanks for posting this!


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## MetalRacer




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## Wrong Galaxy

I love this post because it describes me well perfectly. My mind always reminisce the past mostly the regrets, mistakes & negative experiences and I also think of the good times but rarely. Sometimes I try to change the past by playing it in my mind like doing things differently and change the outcome to a positive result, but only in my mind. I cling on the past. Then I worry so much of the future it scares me, like the thought of getting old and be still like this... having SA,all alone & still a hikikomori. It feels so depressing with this s*** that I'm in I want to give up life. I also daydream/fantasize/imagine stuff, like I'm living/creating my own alternate world/life in my mind, doing this and that having a great time, hanging out with friends,having a great gregarious outgoing personality etc. it's like my own perfect world. Must be coping mechanism but yeah it's so pathetic.:no:hide:bash


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## DAM71392

No :meme


----------



## mzmz

*sounds alright*



millenniumman75 said:


> You are probably better off by not being in the relationship. More time can be spent focusing on you and not divided with someone at the moment.


But what if life isnt about becoming the perfect happy person?

what about if its about BEING a happy person?


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## Just Tony

mzmz said:


> But what if life isnt about becoming the perfect happy person?
> 
> what about if its about BEING a happy person?


Did you know... Once people reach(if they reach) the biggest goals in their life they can and usually do become depressed. Its kind of like.. "Whats next? Ive achieved the goal that ive been doing for so long" type of thing. I guess you can compare it to the lost feeling you can get once you finish school.

Hmm. Let me see if I can google where I got this info..


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## Beryl

Ive know this is part of the solution for a while, I even read the power of now to try to do it, but stopping is the hard part. Its kind of an addiction. I have a few tools from the book, I just need to consistantly apply them.


----------



## silentserenity

lately i've been thinking about my old best friends a lot.. we used to have such strong connections, then we graduated and i started working full time.. the anxiety got really bad and i would withdraw from society a lil more each day.. and god i ****ing miss them. i dream about my friends pretty much every night... but they dont seem to want me in their lives anymore, so why should i want them....why should i care about these broken friendships if they don't,if theyre not even trying to contact me?


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## Martinzky

Great post. Letting go is probably the key skill to coping with anxiety. I hope I eventually learn to master it myself! I've been reading a whole lot lately on how to do it, and I've found meditation to be really helpful. If anyone haven't tried it yet, you really should. It makes you accept bad thoughts for what they are, just bad thoughts. It doesn't say that you should erase the thoughts, just to accept it, so you can move on with your life and focus on the present. It at least works for me, to a great extent, and I highly recommend it.

Again, great post.


----------



## olschool

I can't do it!!!!


----------



## pete993

Great post, and one that is particularly relevant for me. Everything that compounded my social anxieties (the bullying, the feeling of being excluded from everything) is no longer happening to me. I still think about my past far more than I should, but at least it doesn't makes me too angry any more, I can look at it in more of a matter-of-fact sort of way. Hopefully by joining this forum and discussing things, I can continue to move in the right direction.


----------



## Martinzky

silentserenity said:


> lately i've been thinking about my old best friends a lot.. we used to have such strong connections, then we graduated and i started working full time.. the anxiety got really bad and i would withdraw from society a lil more each day.. and god i ****ing miss them. i dream about my friends pretty much every night... but they dont seem to want me in their lives anymore, so why should i want them....why should i care about these broken friendships if they don't,if theyre not even trying to contact me?


I used to think the same thing. Then I realised that they weren't keeping in touch with me because I wasn't keeping in touch with them. I have been equally responsible in keeping in touch with friends as they have been responsible to keep in touch with me, in the past, but it took a long time for me to accept that responsibility.

I don't know if you have the same thing. But I used to think my friends were idiots for not caring that I felt like ****. I was feeling horrible every day, but they didn't even ask how I was. Then I realised it was my responsibility to tell them how I actually was feeling. After I did that, everyone of them cared and asked how I was doing, trying to make me feel better. Not everyone can relate to anxious feelings, that's why it is important for us who do, to tell how it is like.


----------



## SteppingForward

silver17 said:


> I seriously wish I could do this!
> There are so many times when I have to force myself to stop thinking about stupid stuff from the past to concentrate on something important that's happening right in front of me and then 2 minutes later I realise that I'm doing it again!
> BRAIN, SHUT UP


Yeah, I have this problem too and I'm in my thirties.

I think everyone with social anxiety have a tendency to imprint bad memories & negative experiences deep into our psyche and dwell on them. I constantly have to deal with random negative thoughts and regrets that creep into my head.

When I was younger, I did not even know there was a problem called 'social anxiety' until I read about it on the Internet a few years back. I just thought I was awkward and shy. Knowing that a lot of other people have this issue has actually helped me feel better because I'm not alone.

By coming to terms with my social anxiety and admitting to my condition, it has helped me understand lot of the negative experiences in my life. My hope now is to try overcome these haunting thoughts by trying to have more positive experiences in my life. But like some of you have already mentioned...that's a lot easier said than done.


----------



## JadedAm

I agree. We should remove negative memories from our minds. In some cases we can learn from them but not allow them to occupied and consume our precious time.


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## emmanemma

I registered just so I could say thanks.

Seriously.


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## Just Tony

emmanemma said:


> I registered just so I could say thanks.
> 
> Seriously.


I really appreciate you taking the time to do so


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## iLLmanic562

Just to Let it go!.it's direct, and straight to the point..yes, we do tend to live in the past or wish we can do a 're-take' in a lot of things that happen in our lives. Getting older with SAD only makes it worse. It's almost like interest is added to our problem lol..It took me a long time to realize that I have it and now I'm trying, with the help of this site, occasionally attending free counseling and coming to a point that I am missing out on life. 

Sometimes just 'letting go' is easier said than done though, I guess I just have to stop being pessimistic, but THAT's easier said than done too lol..how do you guys cope with this?


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## HarryStanluv25

Sometimes the past is hard to let go. You can't help but think about all that failed you and if things hadn't changed since, you go back to those memories and you wonder if something is wrong with you. The past wasn't all the long ago for me, I can remember what school was like in each grade level vividly. How tough it was to make friends... losing friends. Not having any now. It's not easy to forgive. You wonder what happened, what went wrong. I wish I could forget but I'm not ready to just yet.


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## chris4088

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


i appear to be a future dweller!. the past is gone and i accept that and thats fine.....its the future i am always worried about. what if this, what if that blah blah


----------



## LionHeartedGirl

Great advice. Oh man ... sometimes I find myself agonizing over embarrassing things I said/did when I was like 7 years old. It's pretty ridiculous.


----------



## softshock11

im trying :um


----------



## Chrono Trigger 22

Nice Post...in the past everyone was really mean to me, and they still are to this day and I worked hard at my Job for 10 years. 

Believe me the Post Office room is full of drama and I somehow get blamed for things I didn't do...but you're right though, and I have to focus on my future doing something I really love.

I can't work in this place forever LOL


----------



## 7th.Streeter

This is an awesome post¡! I guess to help us let "it" go ,what ever it is, mean event whatever. Juat focus on all the good things that happen to you out of the day. Write a list of all the things you're grateful for and magnify /accentuate the positives that happen in your day, by that just harp on the good things like we do the bad until the neg. feelings are gone and maybe that'll make letting go easier.


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## 7th.Streeter

After reading some of theses posts , I feel that im realizing, well willing to accept that, Some of my broken friendships and loneliness wad partly my fault. I remeber reading in a Jehovah's witness magizine in the young people section that "Friendship is a two way streey" and it is And I just. Wasn't doing my part . People won't know how I feel unless I say something to them,and it's impossible to make friends with out utter more than 3 words. Lastly, it's unfair to expect others to do the hard work in braking the ice, its simply not fair. Today, Im accepting all thingsd, and I guess when I lay bed tonight I just think about positive things, not neccessarily in the future just things that make me happy , instead of my past. Again, thanks for this post im out


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## Samuel123

> Lastly, it's unfair to expect others to do the hard work in braking the ice, its simply not fair. Today, Im accepting all thingsd, and I guess when I lay bed tonight I just think about positive things, not neccessarily in the future just things that make me happy , instead of my past. Again, thanks for this post im out


I'm starting to realize the same, I've always been so dependent on outgoing people that I need to get out of my "shell" somehow.


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## yryt

Nice but what if u cant let it go cuz it keeps repeating and reminding u constantly??


----------



## river1

title reminded me of this song






lol


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## Kamelot

Just signed up for this forum. And I love this advice. I need to stop being so OCD about my past mistakes/future worries!


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## jmmy

Thanks for the post on the not dwelling on the past. Our brains "want" to be in the present moment, we ( and society ) just habitually trick ourselves into going into the past or the future ... 

2 methods to help our brains "settle" .... #1 is thousands of years old and # 2 is recent .... 

1) Empty your mind and get in to upright sitting posture .... keep your eyes open if possible ( so you don't doze off ) .... concentrate on feeling the breath in and breath out .... the sensation of it through the nostrils ... or what the belly and chest are doing .... do it 10 times in a row ... if a thought comes in to disturb the concentration then gently go back to 1 again without judgement . Be easy on yourself ... 

2) Empty your mind, and listen to Mozart ( musichttp://delicast.com/radio/classical/Radio_Mozart ) ... I like to lie on a hard wooden floor .... concentrate on each passage .... each note if possible .... Scientific study has (supposedly) proven that listening to Mozart calms the mind ....


----------



## jmmy

Another method that one can use to distract the mind and stay in the moment is to "name" things that you are doing or noticing ( non judgementally of course ) as you are going along in your morning /day/evening . This can be something visual, auditory, tactile. You can either think them or verbalize them to yourself. Example; you're walking down the street. You see a stop sign and say " stop sign, red " . Next someone walking their dog you say " small dog, short hair" " woman with dark coat" "car driving fast", "someone shouting" etc . You are cleaning you apartment " wet hands", " picking up shirt" " soft carpet on the bare foot " " breeze coming through window" " hit hand on cupboard" " steep stairway to attic" "carrying trash down to dumpster, opening door" etc, etc. You get the picture ....


----------



## GreenBean09

Good post. Letting it go can, however, be nearly impossible. I've been teaching myself to let things go, but unless I'm consciously making the effort, I slip right back into the rut. Just takes time I guess


----------



## LisaLee

*So true*

I realized this the other day. Somehow my brain thinks if it thinks about that event of the future long and hard enough we can control the outcome. But, the reality is whateveris suppose to happen will be, regardless of my level of concentration.


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## bbarn

thanks for the post, it's really helpful


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## 91blvd

I am constantly telling myself "let it go" or "just forget about it". I constantly think about situations over and over, even things that have happened a long time ago. I used to have trouble falling asleep at night. I would lay awake, my mind racing fast worrying and dwelling on something that happened. Now I don't have this happen frequently. I still constantly worry and dwell on things though. When something bad happens or something sparks my anxiety, I worry myself sick sometimes. I also get tension stress headaches that get so bad that pain meds don't even help to take the edge off. I am 21 years old and I can remember having trouble constantly dwelling with reoccurring worries all the time when I was like 13. I want to learn to be able to say "I don't give a F***" so the worrying can stop!


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## squonk

I've lost all my memories of anything before a few years ago. I mean I still remember them, but just barely. I don't know why that is, but it's just fine with me.


----------



## Boredom is my middle name

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


Cliche, but so so true.


----------



## Kalm

Letting the past go is definitely a huge step in coping with society. You must realize that dwelling in the past will get you nowhere, and what you should do is focus on your current, and present situation, no matter how bad it seems to be.


----------



## mcmills

It's funny you say that. That has always been the mentality that I try to have, but I have yet to achieve it.


----------



## CamelLegs

_"I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted. It's ridiculous!"_

I just love this post!!! I must try harder to become less ridiculous...


----------



## Tiffany22

I agree.it's so hard tho


----------



## chantellabella

This is great advice. Funny, I will dwell on everything I think I did wrong and just dismiss the stuff I did right. 

So yeah, I need to follow what you said.

Thanks!

Tella


----------



## maddi76

God, do i ever need to do that. Fantastic post, sir.


----------



## gingerfail

Pretty much all I ever seem to do !!


----------



## Socialrecluse

I hate the feeling when something new happens, but you feel like you're going to do something bad that happened "before", which stops you from doing it all!


----------



## linkgx1

You're a smart dude. I agree so much. My problem is that I regret decsisions and don't realize the opportunity I have now until it's too late then regret that one...it's a cycle.


----------



## onlywayisthrough

(913) 236-9323
ks, usa


----------



## linkgx1

onlywayisthrough said:


> (913) 236-9323
> ks, usa


...what's this?


----------



## foe

I just woke up and thought about the people I could have kept in touch with from college, thought about the high school friends I left behind when I dropped out, thought about past co-workers who I could have been friends with.

I only think about these things if I have nothing to do on the day. Today is my day off from work and I'm done with classes for summer break. For most parts, I've been able to let it go it's just during these kinds of situations where my minds wanders back into the past.


----------



## F1X3R

Moving on from your problems? Yes. Burying them inside with denial? No.


----------



## rawrguy




----------



## RavenDust

Yeah I'm constantly thinking about crap from the past and getting really embarrassed over it, just like it had just happened. I find myself dwelling a lot too on my public school days and thinking about what if I did so and so different, and what if I had been friends with so ad so, or I should have gone out with so and so, because now I'll never find a boy that likes me ever again.


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## d low

glad this is stickied!! such a good and simple point that we always forget


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## SeaBear

Thanks very much for this post. Such faith and meaning. I definitely over-think about the past an awful lot. Even about that time when I did a false start in the school's swimming gala and seemed to be winning because everyone was shouting my name...but really they were trying to tell me to stop. I can laugh about it openly but inside my mind I'm thinking: "What an idiot...why did I do that?"


----------



## brokenlight

I was just thinking at work today that I like when I have mindless work to do, as it gives me more time to sit and think (obsess maybe) about all of my problems. Maybe I need to try to be more in the moment.


----------



## clydelee27

Letting go is not enough. You just have to accept the reality first then you have to let it go. 

Cheers.


----------



## Lilac Swirl

*Moving on...*



F1X3R said:


> Moving on from your problems? Yes. Burying them inside with denial? No.


Absolutely.

Sometimes it's hard for me to establish the diference.
I know I have to move on from a lot of stuff... Some, I surely know that it is past and not important anymore. But, some other issues are deeper matters and I know I have to deal with my emotions first, before I can really move on. Burying all the rubbish without dealing with it, and accepting that I can't change it (or at least, come to terms with it) is not really moving on. No. And, eventually, it will come again to haunt me.

And, regarding some of those "obsessive thoughts", I just don't know how to start that "healing" process.


----------



## coolbeans87

Just put the past away

i wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

you could...

Cut ties from all the lies that yoouuuu've been living with


----------



## Pennywise

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary calls to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it go.


----------



## theCARS1979

Kalm said:


> Letting the past go is definitely a huge step in coping with society. You must realize that dwelling in the past will get you nowhere, and what you should do is focus on your current, and present situation, no matter how bad it seems to be.


 I have to keep working on this, but yet its so hard


----------



## harrison

*Hi from Australia.*



Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


Great post, 
Thanks,

Don.


----------



## David10

Well said. This is hard for me to do, especially after all the times I have embarrassed myself. :um But you're absolutely right, we just gotta let it go and not dwell on the past so much. Obsessive thoughts are definitely a big contributor to my SA.


----------



## InsideHurt

letting go is necessary but sometimes it's hard being mentally strong. 4 me atleast


----------



## indiekicks

Yeah, that's one of my biggest problems. I'm CONSTANTLY making myself cringe thinking about awkward moments in the past. It really sucks, I wish I _could _just let it go.


----------



## longie1078

*Useful perspective*

Yes, we can easily do that, and the same feelings come up as when the incident happened. In NLP it is called an "anchor" . The god news is that these anchors can be taken out, and positive ones put in in place!

Another useful perspective is that we are never complete- so we are ALWAYS moving towards something new. A project is successful until failure, and there is no failure, only learning and useful feedback!


----------



## Sugarmama49

Hi Everybody, In reading some of the post about letting it go and dwelling on the past and the pain and burdens that come from caring them. I would like to encourage and applaud you all for hanging in there and surviving in spite of. Also to let you know that everybody has regrets and the longer you live the more things you may regret later but that is all a part of life. We are given choices and each choice comes with a consequence so make you decisions wisely, try not to jump into anything learn to walk away sleep on it and believe it or not things do look different the next day. 
For those who suffered at the hands of another pray and ask God to take the hurt and pain away , we cannot change our past or the things suffered in our past and the more we dwell on it, we allow it to consume us and keep us from achieving the great potential that lives within us all. So use that pain and hurt to help another.
And yes I do speak from experience and well of hurts , pain , regrets disappointments etc and this is where I am now. Stay encouraged and be Blessed. Lady C


----------



## WillyWinner

I've been doing this for idk how many years;but now I'm surrounded by so many "real" challenges that there is no time and power to imagine the impossible....so this is it: no more regrets, no more of saying "sorry" to careless people without reasons and no more "unconditional" love for that proud one!!
Thanks for the post, I needed the punch!


----------



## linkgx1

This would be easier, but hte main problem is when something is affecting you every day. It's like you can forgive an abusive person, but if they are still abusing you then you really can't just let it go...


----------



## Herewithyou

Thank you for helping remind me to stay in the present moment. As I practice staying the moment I can stay there longer and I like it. This weekend had its trials for me and I felt powerless, angry and confused. The title of the post Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. called out to me. I am holding on tightly to a past that no longer exist. There is this part of my mind that insist , if I could fix what hurt me in the past that I would be better now. It is like a siren call of mermaids and I end up drowned in thought. Always it hurts. I can stay in the moment. Right now I am focusing on breathing. Letting go. looking around me and not paying attention to my thoughts. If I do it well I will be on the phone with a friend soon and no longer laying in bed feeling self pity and anger. I am feeling better as I write this. I also realized that I am afraid for my future today as well. A future that is not now and not in my control. Breathing. Looking out window and feeling better. Thanks guys. Have a great day. I am going to be kind to myself right now


----------



## jamgirl90

yeah this is always a problem or me. i always think about the same thing everyday. things that happened a year ago i still remember.


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

jamgirl90 said:


> yeah this is always a problem or me. i always think about the same thing everyday. things that happened a year ago i still remember.


you're better than me, jam girl.. Hell, crap that happened SEVERAL years ago, i still remember - and cringe...:um


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

i read something pretty nifty last night about "Letting go"..

i learned that "letting go" is like a tree whose fruit has ripened. When it's time, the fruit just drops to the ground (or gets picked).. it no longer is a part of the tree - and the tree certainly no longer needs it. 

The fruit benefits others, or becomes a tree itself.


----------



## thinkstoomuch101

Makes sense..

I've never seen a tree fighting to hold on to the fruit it bears..


----------



## ControlledByFears

I got so excited when I read this post,
'Cause I finally in a place where people alike me!
I'm addicted to dwelling in the past. I can't control it!
I can get upset and stressed just by thinking about something
that happened 2 years ago which *for me* is embarrassing. I just can't move on........


----------



## blueingreen

There are a couple things I said/did in elementary school that I still remember and cringe about. It's ridiculous.


----------



## cubanscorpio

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


could you have come up with such a brilliant idea if you werent an excessive thinker and daydreamer yourself?


----------



## mayanguy

Give yourselves credit for expressing your ideas here. Your emotions are your rudder in life. Outside stimuli has a controlling affect on your rudder. You can learn to regain control and steer your own rudder (emotion), but you have to know where to start. Observe what triggers your emotion and makes it fluctuate. Then, re-purpose your emotion. Finally, let the outside stimuli back in if they add value to your life.

Songs that bring you happiness are just as bad as songs that bring you sadness. They are powerless until we give them power over us. Most songs' lyrics tell a negative story which plays out in our heads as if we were the authors. We associate a time or event in our life with our interpretation of the lyrics. Let it go? It's easier said than done with the constant negative reminders spilling from our mp3s.

The News is equally poisonous. It's always bad, regardless of the medium; TV, radio, paper, etc. News of war, death, suffering, inclement weather, poor leadership can be found on every station at least three times per day, 365 days per year. Let it go? Again, easier said than done with the relentless hammering on our minds.

Likewise, negative people are hard to escape in our daily lives. They recite negative comments without a thought of how those comments might affect others. We're all guilty of it. Don't blame yourself, though. We're just passing on the negative vibes that have hold of our rudders. We've given control to the media. Let it go? How, if IT is in the hands of another? These external stimuli pound our heads like Chinese water torture. IF you let them.

So, now that we know how to spot those emotional triggers, how can we break the cycle of negativity? By creating new habits. Notice, I did not say by changing old habits. Leave those old habits to rot in the past. New habits can be formed atop the old ones. Science indicates that new neural pathways are formed in the first 2 weeks of implementing new habits. These pathways become stronger and stronger with use. Finally, your brain figures out how to do them without much input from you. That's what's called “second nature”.

Okay, so how do we create the new habits? First, eliminate the bad input (stimuli). This is the biggest challenge. How do we eliminate music, news, and negative people? There's only one way. Turn off the radios, TV's, and DO NOT respond to negative comments from negative people. 

Create a new habit of listening to positive music, classical works well. Find some soothing instrumental music that has no connection to the past. This will break the association and liberate you. You will be able to Let It Go because your mind can't be in both states at the same time. Force it to bend to your new habit and new music.

Listen to instructional cds, dvds, or mp3s instead of the News. Find something of interest and plug it in. Create the habit of replacing the News with daily doses of your new interests. You'll grow by leaps and bounds and leave the past in the dust. You'll be Letting It Go big time!

And last but not least, RESIST auto-responding when someone gripes about the temperature outside. Or that life sucks because they have to work. Just look at them and don't say a word. It's hard at first, but then it becomes fun. It feels good. Let them think whatever they want to think. You're creating the habit to regain control of your life. Don't give it to them just because they opened their mouth and whined like a friggin' baby!

Now that you have the new habits rockin', it's time to re-purpose that thing called emotion. The easiest way is to be happy for the positive things in your life. It's that easy. Write a list of the good things in your life even if it's that you have the ability to read these words. Not everybody has that. Keep that list with you along with a list of things you desire. Break them out often. Go to sleep at night going through the list. Add to your list but don't over do it. It doesn't take much to feel good.

Now that you have identified the triggers, created new, positive habits, and built your lists, keep pounding that into your head the way the negative stuff was pounded into your head before. Now you have the tools to really Let It Go. I know, I've done it. It's easy for some, difficult for others, but possible for all. 

Life is always in a state of change. Your views will change as you age. But, taking control of your rudder (emotion) will make those changes easier to bear. Don't lose your lists. Eventually, you'll be rockin' to that old music again and laughing at the bone-heads on TV. You'll learn to have patience for those stuck in the negative world because you will have moved on, away from the past, focused on the now, and it will show in your future.


----------



## RainStorms

InfiniteBlaze said:


> Probably my biggest issue at the moment.


Mine too


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## RainStorms

feverfew said:


> One of the best posts I've ever read!


Totally!:clap


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## Just Tony

mayanguy said:


> Give yourselves credit for expressing your ideas here. Your emotions are your rudder in life. Outside stimuli has a controlling affect on your rudder. You can learn to regain control and steer your own rudder (emotion), but you have to know where to start. Observe what triggers your emotion and makes it fluctuate. Then, re-purpose your emotion. Finally, let the outside stimuli back in if they add value to your life.
> 
> Songs that bring you happiness are just as bad as songs that bring you sadness. They are powerless until we give them power over us. Most songs' lyrics tell a negative story which plays out in our heads as if we were the authors. We associate a time or event in our life with our interpretation of the lyrics. Let it go? It's easier said than done with the constant negative reminders spilling from our mp3s.
> 
> The News is equally poisonous. It's always bad, regardless of the medium; TV, radio, paper, etc. News of war, death, suffering, inclement weather, poor leadership can be found on every station at least three times per day, 365 days per year. Let it go? Again, easier said than done with the relentless hammering on our minds.
> 
> Likewise, negative people are hard to escape in our daily lives. They recite negative comments without a thought of how those comments might affect others. We're all guilty of it. Don't blame yourself, though. We're just passing on the negative vibes that have hold of our rudders. We've given control to the media. Let it go? How, if IT is in the hands of another? These external stimuli pound our heads like Chinese water torture. IF you let them.
> 
> So, now that we know how to spot those emotional triggers, how can we break the cycle of negativity? By creating new habits. Notice, I did not say by changing old habits. Leave those old habits to rot in the past. New habits can be formed atop the old ones. Science indicates that new neural pathways are formed in the first 2 weeks of implementing new habits. These pathways become stronger and stronger with use. Finally, your brain figures out how to do them without much input from you. That's what's called "second nature".
> 
> Okay, so how do we create the new habits? First, eliminate the bad input (stimuli). This is the biggest challenge. How do we eliminate music, news, and negative people? There's only one way. Turn off the radios, TV's, and DO NOT respond to negative comments from negative people.
> 
> Create a new habit of listening to positive music, classical works well. Find some soothing instrumental music that has no connection to the past. This will break the association and liberate you. You will be able to Let It Go because your mind can't be in both states at the same time. Force it to bend to your new habit and new music.
> 
> Listen to instructional cds, dvds, or mp3s instead of the News. Find something of interest and plug it in. Create the habit of replacing the News with daily doses of your new interests. You'll grow by leaps and bounds and leave the past in the dust. You'll be Letting It Go big time!
> 
> And last but not least, RESIST auto-responding when someone gripes about the temperature outside. Or that life sucks because they have to work. Just look at them and don't say a word. It's hard at first, but then it becomes fun. It feels good. Let them think whatever they want to think. You're creating the habit to regain control of your life. Don't give it to them just because they opened their mouth and whined like a friggin' baby!
> 
> Now that you have the new habits rockin', it's time to re-purpose that thing called emotion. The easiest way is to be happy for the positive things in your life. It's that easy. Write a list of the good things in your life even if it's that you have the ability to read these words. Not everybody has that. Keep that list with you along with a list of things you desire. Break them out often. Go to sleep at night going through the list. Add to your list but don't over do it. It doesn't take much to feel good.
> 
> Now that you have identified the triggers, created new, positive habits, and built your lists, keep pounding that into your head the way the negative stuff was pounded into your head before. Now you have the tools to really Let It Go. I know, I've done it. It's easy for some, difficult for others, but possible for all.
> 
> Life is always in a state of change. Your views will change as you age. But, taking control of your rudder (emotion) will make those changes easier to bear. Don't lose your lists. Eventually, you'll be rockin' to that old music again and laughing at the bone-heads on TV. You'll learn to have patience for those stuck in the negative world because you will have moved on, away from the past, focused on the now, and it will show in your future.


!!!

Thanks for writing this. Very very very useful to anyone who takes the time to read and apply.


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## mayanguy

You're very welcome, Just Tony. It's something I was writing for a site I'm building. It is useful but, as you said, can only help if studied and applied. It's important to be committed to a meaningful project while applying new habits; "idle hands are the devil's workshop".

Forums are good outlets and a good source of inspiration for those who might otherwise suffer in silence. But it can't replace human interaction. Live, human interaction is where/when all the metaphor is brought to life. It's where "the real game" is played. No offense intended.

The world is not so complicated as one might think. It's just that, our will gets hi-jacked by constant external pressure on us to act in certain ways; buy this, eat that, do this, don't do that, etc, etc, etc. _We_ are confused.

So we need to transcend ourselves to gain control of ourselves. Then we can interact more confidently because we're not so wrapped up in our own confusion anymore. When we find the light we can't un-find it. _That's wisdom_.

IMHO, the forum visitors here are akin to "students looking for a teacher". You know the saying, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear". That's the most truthful phrase I've ever experienced. People(teachers) shouldn't go around spewing knowledge all willy-nilly with no hungry student around. I imagine that's when books get written.

I also believe that a student and teacher make a pair. But, it's rare to find. Too many (varying) students will weaken the teacher and too many teachers (schools of thought) will overwhelm the student. Proper teachers know one thing well. If that one thing is not what the student is seeking then that student's search continues and learning is postponed. Proper students need one thing; a proper teacher.

In movies, that student is portrayed as the one who never gives up when the going gets rough. They just keep coming back again and again until, it seems, the teacher relents. But really it's the student who has transcended himself, to a point (gained some wisdom).

As movie goers, we need to understand that, before the movie even starts, the character is either meant to win or meant lose to tell the story as the director see's fit. I never grasped the importance of literature in school. Now I see it everywhere. Do some TV commercials make you tear up? What is the director trying to convey? It's powerful stuff.

It's so powerful that you could use it in lieu of a live teacher. Live teachers are hard to come by. But, there are numerous teachers tucked away in books. We could all benefit from a little more reading. In fact, I left that out of the list of habits and I should have included it. It is essential to partner with a good author/teacher. I routinely convert documents into pdfs so I can read them on my smartphone. I'm never without literature.

It's also important to write down your own observations. They're just as valid as what you might find in some ancient text. Sometimes they're even identical; it's uncanny. Well, I'm glad I found this site. Clearly, I need to get this stuff out of my head and into a format that others can digest. I'll remain a member here, though. Later...


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## wolfsblood

Sorry I should probably keep my mouth shut but sorry this is so funny you are 16. How cute. Wait until you are 38 and then talk about just letting go. God if it was just that easy.It just isn't that easy sorry. You can't just let go when well never mind I should have never have even had said anything here . Rainbows and fairytails.


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## Just Tony

wolfsblood said:


> Sorry I should probably keep my mouth shut but sorry this is so funny you are 16. How cute. Wait until you are 38 and then talk about just letting go. God if it was just that easy.It just isn't that easy sorry. You can't just let go when well never mind I should have never have even had said anything here . Rainbows and fairytails.


Soo negative... Its not like im preaching about all the hardships ive gone through over my years.

Its not just letting go. Its not magic. You have to work towards change. You have to accept reality as is. You have to stop fighting what cant be changed and work with what you have. "I accept that I am not happy where I am in life, and I will try my best to improve my life style instead of just sitting here and crying in my puddle of despair.". Let go of the past/future and work in the present to create a better future.

I can clearly see you wrote this with bitterness so I hope you letting off some steam here has helped you out in some way. Have a nice day


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## mayanguy

rweezer36 said:


> This is a nice thought process that I've read in self-help books and heard in pop music, but I don't think it's that simple. Our brains don't really work that way. The truth is, whatever deeply ingrained memories or feelings we have about certain things are pretty much always going to be there and will find a way to wriggle out, barring brain damage (If only we had an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind machine.) The reality is, we have to grit our teeth and act against what our brains want to do and eventually, hopefully, we can alter our mind's perceptions.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a nice thought process that I've read in self-help books and heard in pop music, but I don't think it's that simple. 
**True: but maybe should read "_AND_ I don't think it's that simple."

Our brains don't really work that way. 
The truth is, whatever deeply ingrained memories or feelings we have about certain things are pretty much always going to be there and will find a way to wriggle out, barring brain damage (If only we had an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind machine.)

**True: Our brains do hold memories of past events that will "wriggle out". It's a mistake, maybe even harmful, to try to suppress them. But by following my earlier post, one can develop more positive habits that will help shape one's future. We can't outrun the memories. All we can do is stay busy focusing on now in order to create better memories for the future.

**True: The reality is, we have to grit our teeth...

**Rethink this part: and act against what our brains want to do and eventually, hopefully, we can alter our mind's perceptions.

Instead of "acting against" our brains, act _for our future memories_ by breaking old, bad habits.

Hypnotists routinely tweak subjects' inner-most primative instincts and make subjects do wildly, out-of-character, acts.

If you portray yourself as who you want to be, for long enough, and believe in it, you will make change. It works.

Police use it over and over to get confessions from people who really aren't guilty. They keep the suspects in a confused state and drill the confession into their heads and try to get them to play it back to them. It stands up in court. We're half way there. We're already confused.

We can make gradual change by allowing ourselves to practice some out-of-charcter thinking. I've done it. It's weird at first, but it works.

Do this. Make one slight change and stick to it. Believe it's who you are. You won't at first because it's not who you are. But relent because it's who you will be.

Focus on the new, not on the old. Do it for a minute. Do it for an hour. Do it for a day. Do it for a weekend. Do it for a week. Do it for a month. Do it for a year. But do it. Then pick another thing to change.

When the old "wriggles out" say hello to it, and put it back in its folder in the folds of your brain. It's like a persistant child that won't go to bed. You can outlast it. You're the adult.


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## mayanguy

wolfsblood said:


> Sorry I should probably keep my mouth shut but sorry this is so funny you are 16. How cute. Wait until you are 38 and then talk about just letting go. God if it was just that easy.It just isn't that easy sorry. You can't just let go when well never mind I should have never have even had said anything here . Rainbows and fairytails.


I should probably keep my mouth shut, too, but I don't like when people hold out on me. So...

You're right 16 is not 38. It's way different. Ive been both. Letting go may not be the precise phrase to use here because we literally can't let go.

But, we can let go of holding on to the pain associated with bad memories. When I get a new dent in my car, it hurts every **ickin' time I look at it. But if I focus on the smooth ride that the car gives me, I don't feel that associative pain of the dent. If I focus on the sounds the pump out of it's cool stero, I don't feel that associative pain of the dent.

If he, the 16 year old, looks only at the dents until he's 38, he will be one bitter 38 year old. I know lots of them. Their biggest pitfall is that they fear doing the weird, act like somebody else so I can be somebody else, methods.

Trust me, you will feel/be your old self & your new self simultaneously. Which one you choose to spend more time with, is up to you.

If I had half the brain Mr. 16 here, has, my 38th would have been much brighter.


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## callalilly26

I agree, this 16 year old is extremely intelligent. I wish I was that way at 16 and I was able to rise above my crippling depression. I wasted so many years drowning in sadness, loneliness, and self pity. I should have learned to live in the moment but I never knew how.



mayanguy said:


> I should probably keep my mouth shut, too, but I don't like when people hold out on me. So...
> 
> You're right 16 is not 38. It's way different. Ive been both. Letting go may not be the precise phrase to use here because we literally can't let go.
> 
> But, we can let go of holding on to the pain associated with bad memories. When I get a new dent in my car, it hurts every **ickin' time I look at it. But if I focus on the smooth ride that the car gives me, I don't feel that associative pain of the dent. If I focus on the sounds the pump out of it's cool stero, I don't feel that associative pain of the dent.
> 
> If he, the 16 year old, looks only at the dents until he's 38, he will be one bitter 38 year old. I know lots of them. Their biggest pitfall is that they fear doing the weird, act like somebody else so I can be somebody else, methods.
> 
> Trust me, you will feel/be your old self & your new self simultaneously. Which one you choose to spend more time with, is up to you.
> 
> If I had half the brain Mr. 16 here, has, my 38th would have been much brighter.


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## freegirl920

Wow. This post really convinced me to join this forum.

I have always wondered why I avoid people, even at the price of being so lonely. 

This post pretty much sums up all I have felt since high school. The past has always haunted me, and has left me unable to improve my present. 

Let it go. What simple, yet profound, advice.

Thank you.


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## lonelyalways

I cleaned out my email inbox today. I tend to hold onto old emails as proof that I am not crazy and people really do lie and be mean to me. I let it go today though. It feels great!


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## mayanguy

lonelyalways said:


> I cleaned out my email inbox today. I tend to hold onto old emails as proof that I am not crazy and people really do lie and be mean to me. I let it go today though. It feels great!


BRAVO!!! :clap

Now dig in and discover what interests _*you *_because _*you *_like it not because others do. Add it to your daily life in various, multiple ways. I'm already feeling excited for you.


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## mayanguy

freegirl920 said:


> Wow. This post really convinced me to join this forum.
> 
> I have always wondered why I avoid people, even at the price of being so lonely.
> 
> This post pretty much sums up all I have felt since high school. The past has always haunted me, and has left me unable to improve my present.
> 
> Let it go. What simple, yet profound, advice.
> 
> Thank you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:group
Yes, but as stated elsewhere, letting go is easier said than done. It takes knowledge, planning, focus, and practice just like anything else worthwhile. And, just like anything else worthwhile, once you know/believe it, it's simple, yet profound. But still, you must do the "work" to become the one who has let it go. It's not enough to just say the words.

Have you ever forgiven yourself for past mistakes? Try it if you haven't. Have you ever forgiven anyone else? Did you mean it? Sometimes we mean it and sometimes we don't. Forgive yourself and mean it. You only need to do it once. You don't endlessly re-forgive everyone else, right? That's what "letting it go" is all about. Let go to move on.

It's understandable that you would be continually "haunted" by the past if you keep revisiting it. Forgive it and forget it. Just do an "about face" in your mind and go the other way, toward who you really want to be. It's never too late ( unless you're 80 and want to hit a home run in Little League ). But, we're being realistic, here. Realistically, you can do anything you put your mind to. Do a little, get a little. Do a lot, get a lot. You know the drill. But you don't have to do it alone.

There are scores of people who have been through just about anything you're going to go through in your life. Many of them are probably right here, members of this site ( or soon-to-be members ). I agree that this site is valuable. I recently joined. I believe I have a lot to share, and to learn. I haven't been through everything, but I've had my failures and successes.

You'll have successes, too, if you partner with positive, selfless people. You know the ones. They seem to always be level-headed. They're kind in public and in private. And they always seem to have enough to share but never take for themselves. You may not have met them yet, but may have seen them in your daily jaunts. You liked them just by being in their presence. Find a way to meet them. Never alone and always with an exit plan, but meet them.

Once you meet them, practice being positive with them. You're never obligated to divulge anything of a personal nature while your getting to know new people. It would be a turn-off anyway. Be patient. Be patient knowing that just the thought of hanging with this type of person does wonders to heal your inner bruises. Just be with them. You don't owe them anything and they don't owe you anything. Having unrealistic expectations is not being kind or selfless. Keep a lid on it.

A lot of us go through life only having a few of these cherished relationships. Ring every last drop out of them. Don't sour it by filling the time with past history or negativity. Make new history with new ideas and like-minded friends. Not Face Book friends. True friends. Make your first new friend, you. Treat yourself well and protect this new alliance. You know the drill. No expectations, no conditions. Just be.


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## lonelyalways

mayanguy said:


> BRAVO!!! :clap
> 
> Now dig in and discover what interests _*you *_because _*you *_like it not because others do. Add it to your daily life in various, multiple ways. I'm already feeling excited for you.


Thanks!


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## Openyoureyes

Thank you for this. I'll constantly remind myself ^-^ to just, let go.


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## twotif

Everything thing I see and do takes me back to a memory of something I screwed up in my past. EVERYTHING!! I have absolutely ZERO good memories!

The only way to "Let it go" would be to wash away every memory I have. Lord knows I used to try and drink them away. But alas, they're all still there. Just as vivid and real as ever. 

I'm already embarrassed by this, my first post in this forum, and I haven't even hit submit yet.


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## mayanguy

twotif, have you gotten anything similar to grief counseling? Professional counseling is really the first step when one is overwhelmed. Only a professional can show you how to *cope*with that past "screw up".

Letting it go may not be in your radar, yet. That comes after you get some *coping tools*. Healing is done in very small steps so that each step is doable. You've taken the first step by reaching out here.

Now, *ask someone you trust and confide in*, to help you get professional help. As long as you focus on only what you _can do_, the overwhelming feelings will diminish. You will _feel_ some relief.

Do it today, man. [And consider changing your status]


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## mayanguy

Openyoureyes said:


> Thank you for this. I'll constantly remind myself ^-^ to just, let go.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love your site. :int


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## Socialmisfit84

Good way of looking at it. Thank you!


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## Common Misconception

Thank you for this post  I read this every time I ruminate in the past, and It doesn't matter how old you are this advice still helps. My dad is turning 52 this year he doesn't let go of anything! I told him the other day that the past is the past, you cannot change it no matter how many times you look back on it, and to just let it go! And he actually took some of my advice and let go of a few things that he was holding on to. If he can do it than anyone can! I just have to keep letting go of mistakes I've made in the past. Every time I jump to something I regret, I just try to imagine it as a bubble and I'm poking it with a pin, to watch it burst and disappear in my brain. It helps to some extent :lol I wish I could do this every time a bad thought creeeeeeps into my head!

but cheers! Even though you are 16 you are wise beyond your years


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## RamboTaco

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


 You are a faking WISE 16 year old...good job. Also something I am working on is to not care of what people think/see about me.


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## RamboTaco

callalilly26 said:


> I agree, this 16 year old is extremely intelligent. I wish I was that way at 16 and I was able to rise above my crippling depression. I wasted so many years drowning in sadness, loneliness, and self pity. I should have learned to live in the moment but I never knew how.


You are dwelling right now. You are 27 year old not 67. You are still young ....


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## mayanguy

We've all gotten that incessant thought that won't shut up? Or the chain reaction of ideas that just spin through your head like a whirl-wind? Here's a little method I discovered that quiets your mind in a matter of seconds regardless of where you are. 

You may have seen or heard of similar techniques. As a matter of fact, I think I saw something similar somewhere in this post, but this goes one step further. 

From right where you are take a look at the things around you. There is a seemingly infinite amount of things. All of those things have names. Look at one thing, count to 2, then say the name of the thing. Look at another thing, count to 2, then say the name of that thing. Look at yet another thing, count to 2, then say the name of that thing. Repeat this for one full minute.

While this did work for me, I wanted my mind to be even quieter. Here's what I did next. I reasoned that all of these things, as we all know, are nouns. So instead of saying the name of the thing, I just said the word noun.

It worked even better. I felt less connected. As if to let go. The Aha! moment came within seconds when I realized how similar this sounded to the Tibetan Om. Pretty neat. The magic is that the longer you do it, the less your mind remembers what it was hell bent on repeating.

Likewise, the more often you do it, the longer your mind will remain unassociated. Peace. Hope you're all well.


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## nomoreants

Yeah that makes sense.... but when ppl judge you all the thoughts start appearing one by one and flood your mind


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## mayanguy

nomoreants said:


> ... ppl judge you ...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
Well...people can be harsh, but that's where coping tools come into play. You have to train to use them when it counts; when the chips are down. Train to make _your_ "voice" louder than theirs and be your own judge.

If you've effectively implemented a behavioral reinforcement plan and you abide by it, then you have your "mini" successes to base that judgement on. Yet another tool.

We _all _need the tools. Not only those with a clinical diagnosis. Our mind can be our best friend or even our worse enemy. The decision lies within. The "journey" is to create a really comfortable place in there, where your decisions can be made, or changed, in earnest.

If you're being unlawfully "imprisoned", physically or mentally, that's a whole different topic.

:group


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## greg19

Great Post!

Isn't it funny how we can be having a great time or a great day or even a great week and then one small event or thought can just [email protected]%king ruin it. And the spiral goes down from there.
Currently, I am at that crossroads where I can choose to dwell in fear or let it go. I feel much better now that I am posting something, but I wish I could let it go unconditionally. I feel like something halfway specific has to happen before I can start feeling better again: good night's sleep, good meal, not feeling nauseous, etc.
Presence is so key, you're right. I feel like, as hard as it can seem, the best thing to do is to just be present with the fear and suffering, allow it to happen (ie let it go) and just have faith that you will return to calm and that ultimately no matter what, EVERYTHING IS OKAY. It's really impossible for it not to be okay.
When I'm freaking out and having a panic attack, I always learn something when it's over. One thing I learn is that what I'm scared to death of is not worth freaking out over. I haven't fully realized this yet, but the more I stay in presence, the more I realize.
God, just typing this out is incredibly therapeutic. I'm glad this site exists. It's great talking to people in person, I know, but sometimes it's nice to read, type and communicate through writing. It allows us to express ourselves at our own pace and put as much or little thought into it as we want.
Thanks for the posts and everyone here has my support.


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## BlueBoo

it's true


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## ya really think

MsDaisy said:


> Like I always say....L*I*F*E*G*O*E*S*O*N


 you got more money than life my friend but still:roll


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## Ariya

Yup really nice post. Thinking a lot has became a habit and learning to live in the present moment is the solution, but letting go of this thinking too much habit doesn't seem easy. But as u suggest m gonna try and say let it go and try to live in present moment


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## MsDaisy

ya really think said:


> you got more money than life my friend but still:roll


It goes, "You've got more than money and *sense*, my friend,
You've got heart, and you go in your own way".


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## khammy

reading this made me feel a little better and its true. Recently i hung out with someone ive been wanting to see and it was so quite. all i thought was we used to be so close n stuff n idt ill see him after today...when i sould of made the best of that moment. now that turned into a memory within days...and i could of been a better one. blah i just did it again. lol its so hard to actully live in the momment tho and not thing about thoes things. esp if u been doing it for a while but i will try harder and just relax and fill my head with fun things to talk about at the moment instead of worring about tommroow. :roll


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## hopefulhere

A therapist once told me that I become socially paralyzed because my past keeps rearing up in front of me. I read The Secret last summer, and it really helped a lot. The author says that changing your negative thoughts is like tuning to a different radio station. Just change the channel. Keep changing it as often as you need to.


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## Just Tony

hopefulhere said:


> A therapist once told me that I become socially paralyzed because my past keeps rearing up in front of me. I read The Secret last summer, and it really helped a lot. The author says that changing your negative thoughts is like tuning to a different radio station. Just change the channel. Keep changing it as often as you need to.


Just change the channel... Thanks! That makes a lot of sense and can be applied often.

*Writes it down in my pocket notebook*


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## Kat Kristina

embarrassing memories make me cry sometime, but crying helps me let it out.


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## Mogmop

Hi guys! You all seem so supportive that I just had to join 



hopefulhere said:


> A therapist once told me that I become socially paralyzed because my past keeps rearing up in front of me. I read The Secret last summer, and it really helped a lot. The author says that changing your negative thoughts is like tuning to a different radio station. Just change the channel. Keep changing it as often as you need to.


My therapist recommended that I actually visualise a big stop sign and think to myself "STOP!" everytime I start to dwell on painful things. I rolled my eyes a bit at first, but it really has been the single most valuable method of progress for me.

ps. This really is a fantastic topic.


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## Mint Cookie

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I just wanted to say that I love this thread. Letting go of negative thoughts is such a hard for me to do... 

I went to a festival a few weeks ago, something that I had been looking forward to for a couple of months (with a couple of worries aside). The first day was hard and all I could do was putting myself down, but on the second day I pushed myself to stop the negative flow. A few of my favorite bands were playing on that festival and I knew could never forgive myself if I had ruined such an experience, just by having a lot of unrealistic thoughts. I had a really good time after that!

So letting go definitely helps, I think!


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## Charlize184

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.


Yeah, sometimes I get into those moods, as I'm sure everyone does. I also dream of how things may have been different if I had just made a different decision...Sometimes, I really just want to go back in time and just change that one little thing that would have made all the difference. You just have to learn to accept what you cannot change. Move forward. Not backward. As hard as it may be.


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## TJenkins602

Interesting thing is that I have let go of my past. The present is sending me through a hell of a roller coaster right now. LOL!


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## SeeleBlutenden

Let go? letting go is so hard when you want to remeber to not ever encounter that again. its even hard to say "let go." do you all ever get anxiety from the thought of letting something go? like you have to figure it out, discyfer everything like you some professor in sociaoligy and human behavior. 

one thing is for sure you hit it dead on the nail with you post and that some dont live in the present and is always stuck in thought of the past or future. shaking thouse thoughts are hard and almost inconceavable for me.


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## SeeleBlutenden

Mint Cookie i am glad you got to enjoy your time! i know all to well the sours of having unrealitisc thoughts destroying something that you know you like and is sopose to be fun. You actually stopd it in mid process it sounds like. that for me is hard once my minds on a roll its on a run! glad to see its possible.


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## Royals

The worst thing is when you dream about your regrets  I used to have a lot of dreams about school. About missing opportunities of talking to that girl, of doing this doing that... Basically not opening myself enough to enjoy life to the fullest. But that is a long time ago, and I moved on. It doesn't matter anymore. Regrets really hurt and stop you from growing mentally. Find some distraction, think about future possibilities, about just developing and progressing on a personal level in general. It doesn't help thinking about how others lives are great are either because you can never compare yourself with another person. You will only see the shortcomings and things you don't have. It is about being happy with yourself and the way you are. I keep telling myself that


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## DoulaAndrea

Thank you for this. I'm always in the past or future. I need to be in the present because that's where my kids are. I'm missing out on so much of them. I think this quite often. Thanks for the reminder.


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## CaffeineAddict

I don't think I'm ever going to be able to let some things go. I'm in my early 20s and feel crippled by my past. Several reasons. Regrets, bittersweet memories, incredible memories that will never be again... I'm just a dude that seems to cling to the vestiges of the past and what will never be. Other times, I look back and regret a few minuscule things that wouldn't have been guaranteed to change the future even if I had actually made a change... it's just a negative cycle and it's destroying my life. I'm losing it. Don't know what to do. After believing into what a lost love told me, of being with her for 3 years and thinking that we'd be together forever (she gave me this facade and planted it in my mind every time we were together), and losing her because she cheated, I don't know, I just feel plagued by the BS of the past. I'm messed up because of this screwy mindset.


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## theseventhkey

Good insight, coming from a youngster. The younger you are the more this can be reinforced. I will also say this is easier "said" than done. It's hard to let go when the past has already destroyed what matters.


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## mayanguy

Have you made someone feel good lately? I mean, hugged them or put an arm around their shoulders, looked them in the eye and told them in a confident, but gentle way, "I'm here".

You really don't have to _say_ anything. We're all human. We can detect the love of another. I believe all it takes is a look. A smile. A nod, that says, you're not alone. You're _not alone. Share love to feel it. Never ask for it, just give it. It will make you feel good. It will be detectable in you.

Plan on giving it, once and remember how it feels. Then plan on giving it again. Would you feel depressed if someone did that to you? I don't see how. It sets off a chemical in your brain that makes you feel warm.

I'm no scientist, but there has to be a good reason why we associate negativity with coldness. You know, the coldness that makes you stiffen up. It's like someone poured concrete in your soul. I hate that feeling.

I'd rather feel warm. I'd rather feel loved. I'd rather *be loved. But, it would take a warm hug to thaw me out, no? If I can get that warmth by giving it then I don't have to wait for it anymore. I can generate my own warmth by providing it to others; by thawing them out.

Clearly, we run hot and cold. And like ants, it takes the bump from another to get us moving in a constructive pattern again. Maybe, behaving constructively negates behaving destructively. Maybe we need to give and get that bump periodically, throughout our day.

Hug somebody. Ease their pain to ease your own. Practice in the mirror if you have to. Practice that look; that nod. It might make you smile. That's the chemical at work. I think the chemical is called, love.*_


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## Ulaylia

*I wish it was that easy*

I've gone thru so much negativity my whole life. Because of it, I've made horrible mistakes that no one will forget. I can easily forget the things I've done, but others don't, and still treat me like I'm nothing because of it.its hard to get past it when no one else can. Wish I could just erase pols minds, then I would be at peace.


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## soulfulgirl

Thank you!


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## shy girl

I agree. However, I do not care what "motivating" posts people are going to chuck at me for saying this, but I cannot control my thoughts as easily as that; that is the nature of social anxiety disorder and all other mental illnesses. I am not saying it is OK to wallow in self pity (because that will undoubtedly not get you anywhere), just that thought patterns are much harder to break than just "snapping out of it".


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## Emjay666

This could not be more relevant to my current situation! I had a confrontation yesterday and I keep going over and over it in my head. It's driving me crazy! Thanks for your post!


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## Lostgeneration

I wish my mind was a computer and I could just uninstall SA via remove programs, if that was possible id be a playboy billionaire philanthropist by now


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## zonex

true 
must leave the past in the past and try to go stronger in present to the future


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## wishing on a star

thats a good post. i don't care so much about the past anymore, wat i really worry about is my present and my future....my future is so uncertain. i dunno wat's gonna happen, i dunno if ive made the wrong choices, career wise. yea the past is gone, but the future is still yet to come and its really daunting not knowing wat im gonna do.


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## kdahlgren

*Great Resource*

This website has great articles, news and tips on how to overcome anxiety.

http://www.livingwithanxiety.com/


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## yellowpages

can't remember if i already posted here or not, but anyway... very useful thread.


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## Jpalac21

So true.. I used to fell down on how I wasted all the "best moments in our life" (High school) hiding away in my world of fear, but as heartbreaking as it is, you cant change the past, so worry about the future


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## Quinn the Eskimo

great thread, we all need to work on this


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## Softy785

Great thread, and I love the positive, rational message here! What do we have to gain from wallowing in the mud of our past? The situation we're dwelling on is in the past, it's done, it can't be changed, and nobody probably even remembers or gave a second thought to it anyways... holding on to things from the past is a big time-waster. I have better things to do!


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## biggieK

i am working on getting better people close to me who care help alot


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## SHYGIRLUV

Agree i always think the "Wat ifs" but sumtimes you gotta say let it go.. Love the post


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## IzzyM3

Its difficult at times to let go of the little things that don't matter in the end...


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## Socialanxiety11

It's hard letting go.


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## Anxious Rudi

try it with alcohol. it's working for me. what you need are the right amount of alcohol and determination to be human again even tho i don't like 'normal' human like the rest. But at least, I'm living and breathing. It's not really that sad I tell ya


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## gabe9

This is some wisdom. Easier said than done. 

I've been having some really bad thoughts for over a month now that don't leave my brain for long periods of time. I need to reroute my brain. 

This is a great post though.


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## Zatana

Thanks alot! I have been constantly thinking about how to fix the past for such a long time, and i have missed so much i think because of that. Leting go just seems so hard.


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## Zatana

I waste my time doing nothing. thinking im gonna need to do alot before its to late in my life but i just keep eating, watching tv, playing games, watching porn, checking facebook and feeling scared about it. And i just get lost into thought in my head. How could I have fixed things what should i do what can I do.


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## Just Tony

(General response to most of your guys post)

You just have to try. You have to overcome the fears and try. Most likely nothing will go well after you start trying. People wont like you or worse... people WILL like you. All im asking is that you try and keep trying. Dont give in for the slightest things.

Something WILL happen, as long as you keep trying and keeping pushing. Something will happen.. Just think. Something.. Not the usual routines, not the usual somethings. Something spontaneous will happen. Something that you might not even want to happen. Something you might even hate. But but but. Something will infact happen. All you have to do is try. 

Remember.. There would be no such thing as good moments if bad moments didnt exist.


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## wewillsee

I've been trying to let it go for years now.... I blame my parents, mom mostly, for the abuse ,but I can't seem to close the chapter until she accepts she did the things she did. I've tried to forget but cant. I confronted her last week, drunk, and it went bad. I confronted her again, today, sober, and it went well. I just wanted to get out the beatings she gave me, and she said it didn't go as I said, and it wasn't as bad. My dad was like, get over it. I'm in my mid 30's and feel like, ****, why can't I get over this and "let it go"...but i just had to get it out and it felt good, even though there was alot of denial on their end. Mom offered to go to therapy for the both of us, and even see a hypnotherapist to see what actually happened and what didn't. I guess I feel like a jackass mostly for being this age and having brought this up.


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## EssJay

I can never seem to let it go. I evaluate each and every detail of what has happened, especially in distressing social situations.

"they must think I'm a creep"
" Ohmylord, SJ, your voice! Did you hear it?! holy cow, you made a right fool of yourself"
"I can't believe I just said that, I can't believe I just did that, I'm going to lock myself in my room for the rest of forever with as little social contact as possible for the rest of forever" gahhhhhh.


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## cherryboom

I'm slowly learning to let go... Realising that everything I've experienced has prepared me for the person I am today.


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## Lianne42

*Subconscious*

Hello, I am really new to these forums, and relatively new to anxiety I guess. I have always been "a worrier" and have always been paraniod about "the worst" happening in any situation, but it's never had such an affect on me as it has done since February this year, which was obviously when the anxiety actually started.
This has been the worst thing to happen to me, ever. But I can only describe it as a subconscious issue. Even when it first started I hadn't been sitting around thinking about anything bad or in the past or future, I was just me, confident, cracking on with my life and enjoying myself.
That was until my heart just started racing ridiculously fast, all day every day, for no reason that i knew of. After a few days of putting up with it, hoping it would go away, I finally went to the doctors. They tried to register my heart rate but couldn't because it was so fast. This was when he prescribed me propranolol, 40mg 3x a day. Sinec then I have been gradually reducing the dosage at my own pace, I have always hated the idea of being stuck on tabs!!
But even now, I suffer with my anxiety all day every day and still I am not sitting around worrying or consciously thinking about things, all of a sudden it will hit me and I find myself hunting for my tablets again. I blame the subconscious!
I have even given in again and have agreed to start CBT, apparently it will help me, I guess I'll soon find out.
I just wnat to be me again, I am so sick of feeling like I don't know myself anymore, I just want to enjoy spending time with my friends and family without having to dive out the front door for some fresh air when things get to much, that, is not me!
Can anyone suggest anything that might help at all? Sorry about going on so much!


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## courtneyharris788

For depressed, restless & unhappy minds. Kechara healing chakras are the best for you.


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## SAS19

I just missed my chance with this girl. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was repeating let it go and it helped. Thanks.


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## sparky10

Move on, its gone.... A mantra i try to apply


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## Lil Jode

Totally agree, a good lesson for us all. I spend so much of my time in auto-pilot while my mind is somewhere else; anticipating the worst, fantasizing what I want to happen only for it too not pan out that way. Leads to disappointment.


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## Lil Jode

@Lianna42: _"Hello, I am really new to these forums, and relatively new to anxiety I guess. I have always been "a worrier" and have always been paraniod about "the worst" happening in any situation, but it's never had such an affect on me as it has done since February this year, which was obviously when the anxiety actually started.
This has been the worst thing to happen to me, ever. But I can only describe it as a subconscious issue. Even when it first started I hadn't been sitting around thinking about anything bad or in the past or future, I was just me, confident, cracking on with my life and enjoying myself.
That was until my heart just started racing ridiculously fast, all day every day, for no reason that i knew of. After a few days of putting up with it, hoping it would go away, I finally went to the doctors. They tried to register my heart rate but couldn't because it was so fast. This was when he prescribed me propranolol, 40mg 3x a day. Sinec then I have been gradually reducing the dosage at my own pace, I have always hated the idea of being stuck on tabs!!
But even now, I suffer with my anxiety all day every day and still I am not sitting around worrying or consciously thinking about things, all of a sudden it will hit me and I find myself hunting for my tablets again. I blame the subconscious!
I have even given in again and have agreed to start CBT, apparently it will help me, I guess I'll soon find out.
I just wnat to be me again, I am so sick of feeling like I don't know myself anymore, I just want to enjoy spending time with my friends and family without having to dive out the front door for some fresh air when things get to much, that, is not me!
Can anyone suggest anything that might help at all? Sorry about going on so much!"_

I'm not a doctor, but perhaps panic disorder?


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## ChilliConn

So very true. I spend so much time on thinking about what has happened or what might happen that I get so worked up, and ultimately it is over something that you have no control over. Now is what you have a choice in, this second. A great post. I am going to try to use this.


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## d3lusionkt

I disagree partly with the original post. I think that when you start to dwell on something- BEFORE you let it go, it is important to first give yourself a positive thought on it, THEN let it go. 

E.g. if you regretted that you screwed up a conversation... You find yourself thinking "they thought i was an idiot, I am terrible at this etc..." 

First tell yourself STOP- THEN give yourself positive realistic thoughts - E.g. "It's okay- Everyone has moments like this. Also, I am an anxious person so it's natural that I reacted like that. I am improving anyway, and I did act well during another part of the conversation. They probably didn't even think much about it." THEN make yourself move on.

I think if you just repress everything without replacing the negative with positive, eventually you will have a crash where something bad happens that you can NOT just push aside, and suddenly you feel horrible about everything as everything that you pushed under the rug is coming back to you. 

Anyway, basically I just wanted to add that in my opinion, there should be an extra step before "letting it go."


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## Just Tony

d3lusionkt said:


> I disagree partly with the original post. I think that when you start to dwell on something- BEFORE you let it go, it is important to first give yourself a positive thought on it, THEN let it go.
> 
> E.g. if you regretted that you screwed up a conversation... You find yourself thinking "they thought i was an idiot, I am terrible at this etc..."
> 
> First tell yourself STOP- THEN give yourself positive realistic thoughts - E.g. "It's okay- Everyone has moments like this. Also, I am an anxious person so it's natural that I reacted like that. I am improving anyway, and I did act well during another part of the conversation. They probably didn't even think much about it." THEN make yourself move on.
> 
> I think if you just repress everything without replacing the negative with positive, eventually you will have a crash where something bad happens that you can NOT just push aside, and suddenly you feel horrible about everything as everything that you pushed under the rug is coming back to you.
> 
> Anyway, basically I just wanted to add that in my opinion, there should be an extra step before "letting it go."


Agreed.

If I had to put this extra step into words.. I'd say accepting whatever happened(doesn't have to be overly positive but you just have to tell yourself that whatever happened happened and you accept it.) and then let it go.


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## kcckkca

*no*

I'm not always dwelling on things from my past. I literally have a fear of talking to people it triggers my anxiety and I go into panic. I have always felt this way. The only thing that is on my mind at that moment is what they might be thinking or what they just said.


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## Lisams

agreed

great post. 

I definitely need to learn to let it go. But its easier said than done sometimes -_-


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## Soliloquitious

Though I completely agree with this thought process and all it quite simply doesn't work for me. I'll spend days resolving an issue only to sit in bed at 3am realizing this is the EXACT time I need to guilt trip myself about something that happened years/months/days past. The negatives seem to always outweigh the positives, regardless of the spin I put on them. Fun times.


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## deadender

Can't sleep, bad memories.


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## Liz Myers

*I handle the stress by going for a walk and jog, it helps a bit, but has not cured me so far...*


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## angel of rebirth

I also like to go for a walk or a run to clear my mind - I find it really helps.

Some of the inner strength shown by you guys is a real inspiration - keep going, people.

Other than running, I also find that I can contextualize problems by talking to my pet ferret or by meeting up with old friends for a felch.


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## twilightmoon

Yesterday something happened that made me realize I have been holding onto the past, too. Not only that, but holding a serious grudge, too. 

I never thought I would be so angry. I can't stop thinking about what I perceive to be the biggest slights and pain I experienced as a child and preteen that shaped me as I was. These are the things I can't get over. I feel like I can't forgive my parents.

Truly, I would like to be the bigger person and forgive, but it's so hard when I see remnants and repetitions of the past happening again that really makes me bitter. My parents will never change, but that's hard for me to accept.


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## BackToThePast

For me, the hardest part of letting it go is when I have to confront those painful memories and accept them for what they are. It's like there's a catch to this "relax and gently let the memories fade" type of thought process that I got out of the post (I know it's not easy; you just made it seem like it is). Also I'm afraid of unknowingly letting go the wrong way through suppression since I know it'll come back one day to haunt me.

I appreciate your inspiring post, though.


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## shysterette

I'm going to bookmark this page, and a few others to have a mini-resource i can go to when things aren't going well, because I'm convinced there are only a few problems, like this one, which are causing most of my problems (or my inability to deal with any problems that come up). Thank you for posting this- really helped me!


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## beothuck1

Well this is a great post. I think you have fleshed something out in a clearer manner than I have ever managed to think of it. Probably because my head is too clouded with anxious thoughts of the past, definitely not the present. It's sad to realize how much time we waste in our lives living in the past if we are unable to overcome anxious thinking. 

I can relate to being asked if I was sad or if I was daydreaming. This happened to me while on a french immerion trip abroad, by my teacher in the middle of class no less. That's how lost in my thoughts I apparently get. I definitely wasn't in the present in that moment. The funny thing is I didn't even realize till after that I was thinking about something from the past in that moment. That's how used to it I am.

Thanks for the post. I will try to remind myself to live more in the present. Leaving worries behind, because they are like a rocking chair that gets you nowhere. Sorry for using the old saying here, but I had to here.


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## AwkwardTurtle16

Social anxiety is actually drastically affecting my memory and my ability do well in exams. I spend so much time worrying about something that happened a while back, or maybe a presentation coming up in a few weeks, or even the social aspects of being in a classroom (who am i going to partner up with? etc) that i can barely concentrate


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## WhatIsThePoint

thank you


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## Shack

I highly recommend the huge thread about Toxic Shame http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/the-toxic-shame-thread-the-cause-of-sa-for-most-98335/ after reading the Let it Go post in the OP

The reason being is that I read this post (the Let It Go idea) a long time ago with how long its been stickied, and it did nothing for me. However after reading about Toxic Shame it takes on more meaning. When we dwell on the past we are having shame and that's what sinks us.

To give an example years ago there was a girl that I had turned down a date with (I got scared). A few weeks later I sent her a text message asking if she wanted to have sex. She of course said no and I immediately regretted being that sick of a person. I have been ashamed about it since. Now here's the thing, she isn't even mad. She greeted me with the smile the next handful of times I saw her and I have her on facebook and she likes my posts. So if she's not willing to take out anger on me, why do I feel so bad about a small thing I did embarrassing myself years ago?

Stuff like this needs to be let go. And I think seeing it in the context of shame and how we are constantly looking for things to be ashamed of, illuminates it


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## Contemplar

Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do when dealing with various issues. Even when we make an effort to mentally change the subject and to stop focusing on points of our past, sometimes the memories seem to force their way back in. It can be very exhausting having to make a conscious effort to stop going back to them when it seems almost like they're trying to replay themselves over and over again in your mind, and when we let our guard down or become too mentally exhausted, we can let them take ahold again.

Sometimes, letting go isn't simply as easy as forcing ourselves not to think about it. Just as you can't always force yourself to look on the bright side. Sometimes it's almost as if you really do need to dwell on them a little, just like sometimes you need to have a little breakdown to just get the emotions out of your system, y'know? Going over past events can sometimes eventually bring us to a point of closure, but most often it just exhausts us and makes us feel bad. I think the trick is in learning when you stop thinking back, and when you start actively dwelling or beating yourself up, y'know?

Try to think of the intrusive memories like a pest insect, like a wasp. It keeps buzzing around your head, just when you thought you had shoo'ed it away for good, it comes back. Sometimes if you just hold still a moment, and let it land on you, it realises you're not interesting and it leaves you alone (reflecting on something briefly), though sometimes, because wasps are little asshats, they will just sting you (when you dwell on them too much).

Letting go is not an easy process. Even if you mentally know what is happening, and make a solid effort to leave it behind, sometimes it will just keep coming back to haunt you. If you apply too much effort, you just bury the issue like a landmine, only to explode on you again in future when you least expect it. In the end, the mind can no more run on emotion than the heart can run on logic. Your heart will let go in time, and you really can't force yourself to let go until you're truly, deeply ready. Yet until that time comes, you can at least try to regulate how much time you spend thinking about it.

A common problem of mine was to not only think back, to play it over in my head like a tragic game. Each time I would think back to something that hurt me, it would play out a little differently each time, like some horrible movie where I was an over-exaggerated victim. The script was designed solely to pluck at my heartstrings and make me feel awful, worthless, or hated and misunderstood. That's a far-cry from just remembering, isn't it?

I think the trick is to let it run its course, but to make sure it doesn't rule your mind. Don't be afraid to need moments occasionally to think back about it and cry/feel hurt, but make sure you don't let it develop into a mental torture-session, y'know? Time, once again, is a big factor in letting go. It's a shame but there really is no 'fast forward' button on recovery. We can only try to do the healthiest thing for ourselves until our hearts are ready to let go, y'know?


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## 4evermore

You know I hate it when people say let it go.


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## jasperjenkins

*Online Journaling*

I have dealt with Social Anxiety for a while and am trying to find easier ways to do the self-help workbooks. If I built an online interactive journaling platform for working through the material of these, would anyone be interested in using them? There are a bunch of them like "The Self Esteem Workbook", "The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook", "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" and "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook." I know there has been a lot of studies that expressive writing can be very beneficial as a therapeutic tool. Anyone have any thoughts?


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## jace82

*I do that all the time*

I come away from a conversation or an event and replay the conversation and what I said over and over in my mind and beat myself up about it and agonise over whether I sounded stupid and then decide that yes, I did sound stupid "oh my god!" and it is so time consuming.

At the same time when I'm at a setting with other people I hardly say anything and its the few things that I say that I beat myself up about - so I might as well say nothing so I won't have anything to agonise over!


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## BriAll

Hi Im Allen and i am an active duty service member and I am currently serving in afghanistan on a 9 month deployment! I too have anxiety and maybe it has something to do with being a soldier but this has started before my deployment! When ever something happens minor or severe I am affected physically! I experience pain in my stomach and very bad headaches. When ever Im feeling this way i usually take sleeping meds (unless Im working) and I guess sleeping is my way of coping I would like to complete my deployment I just dont know what to do. I am new to the group and I would love to share my problems and experiences with anxiety with all of you!


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## Periwinkle

Thanks. I have a big problem with this :/
Every night I lie awake and feel this dread in my stomach because of something embarrassing that I'm re-living even if it happened years ago.


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## SomebodyMaybe

I'm getting better at letting go.

Basically I still go through the same scenario if I get humiliated in public. I will have a kind of flashback through humiliating stuff thats happened to me. But whereas before I would go through it all slowly and painstakingly before, it just sort of flashes infront of my eyes and I tell myself... okay, that was embarassing but its over now and in few hours it will seem like nothing.

I know its such a cliche but you do have to try and forget. Or else it builds up into a list of judgements against yourself that you can pull out every time you make the slightest mistake. I started watching how other people handled their social f- ups (people without SA) and tried to act like them, even if I was having a meltdown inside. It seems to help.


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## brewpacksox

I need to get better at this. :blank


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## WherestheLight

I came here cuz I was thinking about a hurtful moment where I felt so different and alone. High school graduation. People were giddy and hugging at that time I felt alone because I wasnt plus my good friend dropped out. I hugged one person on the way out. I never fit in. This still makes me feel bad. I know if I feel the pain and hurt and not supress it it helps.


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## tarzeena

I find that the things I mostly dwell on are past social experiences in which I've felt embarrassed/humiliated or awkward. After it happens, I replay the scenario over and over in my head and I beat myself up for not doing something different. But there's one thing I've found that really helps in letting these things go: being able to laugh at yourself. If you can find the humor in these embarrassing, awkward social situations, you realize it's not such a big deal and it becomes a lot easier to just let it go. Instead of beating yourself up for not saying the right thing, stuttering during a presentation, not getting any laughs after making a joke, etc...just laugh it off and move on. It's not always easy, but if you try hard enough you can find humor in almost any situation.

Just thought I'd share, since I find that this helps me.


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## WherestheLight

Cool I need to try that I take everything so serious and over think it all.


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## Ogrodii

Man I was in a funk and this cleared my mind a bit


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## cisarcesar

This answer is regarding the first post...
I agree about most of what you said, we think too much and take off from reality. 
But I do not suggest my fellows to try to stop thinking directly, if you've tried this, you may know what Im talkink about. If you want to boost your thoughts, try to stop them. 

I have tried through several techniques, meditadion, yoga, etc, guess what, worked so few times that fits in the probability terrain. 

And surprisingly, there were periods in my life that my noisy mind stoped spontaneously. I felt really peace, but didnt knew what triggerd this, also didnt know how to maintain. But one thing I could clearly remember, I was breathing very welll. 

One thing Ive been noticing for years, and this is puzzling me, I have spasmodic dysphonia, I cannot relax some neck, throat, chest and abdomen muscles, cause if I do so, some walls of my throat lean against each other causing my breath to stop, so I had to mantain those muscles tense for my whole life. Nedless to say the physical suffering it causes. And I am that kind of guy that lives in a internal world, the real world is only a background, not because I like this, actually I cant stop cause this started very early in my life. 

But I cant ignore some times happend with me strange things, some "magical" days where I manage to overcome this muscle disorder and finaly relax my body, I experience my noisy and dense thinking processe vanishing imediatly. Its like leave a world and enter another world. 

I wonder how many of you experienced something like that


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## SnowFlakesFire

I cannot let go. Sorry me.


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## MoonForge

I don't let my past stop me, but yeah i'm really bad at letting go, and i'm also getting help for that, i personally think its not that easy sometimes : o Most of the time i don't even think about things, its flashes that come back and follow me around :/


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## taylorb

that's easy to say, but actually doing it is a whole other matter. letting go of my past mistakes is something i can't seem to do. there's just so many.


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## Tнᶓ ᶂuturε Iѕ ɳош »

It has been really difficult to do this, but after years of persistence, I have succeeded for the most part. I have my moments when I backslide, but monitoring my thoughts and reprogramming my thinking has helped drastically.


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## AGuywith2eyes

This kind of thing happens to me all the time. I'm constantly assaulted with thoughts of stupid mistakes I made and embarrassing events that happened anywhere from years ago to everyday.

I used to just pretend in my mind that I was blowing my brains out. Now I just close my eyes, take a big deep breath, and think of other things and tell myself to calm down.

I'm surprised how well it works.


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## berlingot

i have trouble doing this. my vision blurs when i think about past mistakes & embarrassing moments, & sometimes i get caught up in negative spirals of backward thinking (looking at the past).


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## xxbluejay21

It's so hard, especially when emotions play into it. Damn. Embarrassing/awkward moments just kill me. I try to tell myself that it's okay but I just feel way too rotten inside.


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## hope4rainbow

I wish its that simple as that, I have done the positive thinking, read self books and done all that and it did help, but its also like life it comes back and back again, when least prepared. And to go back up again through all the seesawing moods become harder and longer period it lapse. The warning signs I saw is when I lost interest to do something about it. I can clearly rationalise whats going on and know that one of the factor can be of help to me was reading books on pyschology, anxieties etc. But as I said I don't feel wanting to get well. Its rocking my world again, and I'd love to done with it, so I was just googling for help and found this site. if anyone would like to hear me out and give me perspectives other than my own thoughts, since talking over it with friends, have done nothing but regret and become paranoid even that now they know my weaknesses that they will use it as a weapon. I wish I can let it go... Maybe my muscle of strength is not cultivated yet, wanting to say its not true, but I guess with this happening again, i have to admit its not as strong as it should be.....


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## RBH

Thanks so much for the thread. What an incredible post. Informed, Inspiring, Gracious, and very well expressed. A plus plus


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## RBH

[i have to admit its not as strong as it should be.....[/QUOTE]

I wish you could let go of the word 'should' - you'd likely be doing yourself a solid. Try to be a little bit more forgiving of yourself.


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## pck

we feel weak and are indeed weaker minded than most people so I don't see any problem with using 'should'. Sorry, but I just don't see the point of thinking positively. Maybe it's just me, I could never convince myself to just believe in anything I told myself to.


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## B l o s s o m

Thank you for this post. It's very true. I admit that letting go is one of my major problems. I should probably continue working on it so that my past doesn't cripple my future.


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## Mayz

I was just thinking about the past angry at how it's affecting my future when I found this forum. The title of this thread helped me let it go a bit so it's not on my mind too strongly. 

I'll share a few tricks I've found work for me, they might work for you.

If it was an embarrassing/awkward moment from who knows how long ago or even just yesterday, fake laugh/bluff it off and belittle the memory ("who cares?" "Everyone makes mistakes!" "why should I care?" "I'm sure everyone else is having a good time while you're popping up in my brain!" "That moment doesn't even matter anymore, geeze" "I'm too strong for this bull") and you'll notice later on that the memory isn't as strong as it used to be. I've done this with stuff that happened in elementary/middle/high school that would still make me blush and feel like I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I can barely remember most of them now and the ones I still do are really fuzzy with no real emotion, just a badly developed snapshot.

We can always change things within ourselves so if you're regretting not doing something, you're not dead yet and even if you feel like you're going to have a heart attack at the thought of doing it, just remember how much more you would regret not doing it. This is how I've been able to attend college, do volunteering and anything I would have a full blown panic attack about. I'm still working on things so if I find any other tips, I'll be sure to let you guys know.


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## lysergic

I'm trying.... ****, I'm trying.


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## RelinquishedHell

I can't let go when my past comes back to haunt me all the time and I am reminded everyday of my place in this world ( all the way at the bottom :? ).


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## hey25

I have been trying to learn this and I can't. I can not stop dwelling on ****. It is driving me crazy.


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## wolf99

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I can't let go when my past comes back to haunt me all the time and I am reminded everyday of my place in this world ( all the way at the bottom :? ).


The worst past negative experiences can do is make you doubt.
But that's about all it can do.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has experienced some difficulty in their lifes, even though you can't always see it from the outside.

It doesn't mean you're less of a human. Or somehow different.
just believe in yourself.  Get out of the negative spiral you're in.


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## Joan Of Narc

shy girl said:


> I agree. However, I do not care what "motivating" posts people are going to chuck at me for saying this, but I cannot control my thoughts as easily as that; that is the nature of social anxiety disorder and all other mental illnesses. I am not saying it is OK to wallow in self pity (because that will undoubtedly not get you anywhere), just that thought patterns are much harder to break than just "snapping out of it".


I agree with you. I'll sound like a negative nancy myself for saying this, but telling people to just, "Let it go" sounds like so many of the empty platitudes people who don't understand my illness have been feeding me my whole life. If people could just 'let it go' there would be no need for therapy now would there?

I'm not saying the message doesn't have any merit at all, but trust me, people with severe anxiety and depression can't "let it go". And when we try, and so many of us try for years and years to apply this motivating quotes and sayings in out lives and things still don't work out, it can do more harm than good.

It's perfectly normal and human to hold onto bad or unpleasant memories. Yes at some point in your life, letting go of these feelings will help you, but no one's a bad person for dwelling on people or events that cause trauma in one's life.


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## Companion Cube

This is sooo true, yet I continue to think about the past, even though... 
:/


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## azza j

Should I let it go when it starts turning blue??? Into weird stuff ;D

p.s. Anyone got any masks for sale, got a group meetinng cuming soon. much love babeeys<3 xxxxx


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## Grayman

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt


Exactly! In fact, you can only have feelings for something you think is important. Convince yourself that you don't need something or people and then you won't care what they think or what happens the next day. You cannot get angry if someone destroys your car if you don't give a crap about the car. You will not stress about and imagine the thoughts in peoples heads about you if you did not care to have them as friends. Realisticly they are not truly friends if you cannot be yourself around them. Give it up and be yourself and not what you think they want you to be and you will find true friendship. The only important thing, is that you tried but if it does not work out, Oh Well. There is so much in this world to live for, so why sweat the small stuff? They don't like you find someone else stop waisting your time with these people.


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## YankeeFanatic

*Love this Wish I live by this more.*

Im new here, but I should really take this advice more often. I always seem to go on and on over and over again in my head "bad" conversations I've had with my boss, or my hall mates, etc. Its rediculous and drives me up the wall.


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## brothersport

Greattest advice ever, something I need to work on.


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## JokerBane

One of the best things I've heard somebody say in a while: "Say what you gotta say. If they're not on board, f**k em!!" -Joey Diaz(Church of What's Happening Now podcast)

This is one of my new favorite quotes and I think everyone should live by it.


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## LonelyDuckling

This is one of my biggest problems.

Much of my SA revolves around my mind going into panic mode about how I should of done this in this certain time period, or I should of done this or that in the past, or how it doesn't matter if I do this or that now because I didn't do it in the past when I think it should of been done.

I can't even watch some ah... adult entertainment these days, because all I can think of is how these two "lovers", are probably younger than I am, have a ton more experience, started way earlier than I ever can... basically, not getting things done in the past(losing my virginity), is something I'm failing to let go of, because I think to myself that even if I lose it now at 23, it will not be the same, and that I should of done it in the socially acceptable timetable of in my teen's. My mind will then pace forward to how even If I lose my virginity now, I could of been doing it in the past, and that I'm at least 6-7 years behind most people...


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## jmarie

Omg...for so long I have felt this way and thought I was the only one. I obsess over social faux-pa's for months even years. I get nervous in social settings, making my mouth spin out of my control. Never mean or cruel things just babbling. I know I need to let it go. But it haunts my nights as well as my days. Someone recently told me to seek help but I'm not sure. I feel I would just rationalize their reassurance as something said because I paid them. Does that make sense? Are there drugs for this? All I want right now is peace in my head. This is so exhausting.


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## Chilantree

Really true, I need to let go of the past. I keep worrying a lot about what has happened in the past. Yesterday, I broke down because I miss what I had and worry that I won't get it back ever again in the future.


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## zant

So true, but easier said than done.


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## Ashishsteag

Well certain set of events are remarkable i suppose and that really takes your mind into the narrow stream of past...i still find it difficult to get over a very few people i truly loved and that really affects your mental status somehow..you find lot of new people at new places you work and try to socialise among them but still you find yourself alone among the gathering...its not simply that being with a lot of people would help you cope up with your loneliness..its a matter of understanding which people failed to do so because no one has the time to deal with it and there's lot of people in this world who are left like that...its better sometimes to allot yourself a band of time in your lifecycle to give your mind some mental peace....that really helps..


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## trainsplanescarsandships

Why is the simplest advice always the most difficult to follow? I think I'm going to write 'let it go' on my hand every time I leave the house in the morning!


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## MikeFloyd

It's make a great tattoo written in Chinese or Japanese if you don't want people to know what it means "let it go" as a self reminder. Not a bad idea


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## SomniferumPapi

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt


Its true, the only reason i still dwell on **** from the past sometimes is because its affecting and could possibly affect my future.
BTW, i read the title like that christmas song "let it snow let it snow let it snow" haha


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## dawn marie

Beautifully said. This is SO true. It's deffinitely an issue for me, never being in the moment. I hope it's something I can work on. Thank you.


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## UnnamedSpecies

The problem for me is that I'm worried about what will happen in the future. Like "What will they say when I show up," or "I'm just gonna screw up this conversation being all awkward" 
What's _my_ problem?


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## KristinLeigh

thank you for this.


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## ilsr

I'm still mad at people and things said and done against me even years after. I yell and sound like a monster replaying the situation were I yell at the perpretrator(s). But that would never work in a civilized work place. Or a place where you would just get in trouble for doing that, while the perpretrators continue to attack in verbally or expressive subtle "civilized" ways. 

I know it's better to forget about being mad. It's pretty much a horrible life where people just want to provoke you to be mad to see how far they can get away with it. They pick on SA people to try to make them act like monsters when they are the monsters themselves for doing that.


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## fm5827

Great advice, something I definitely need to work on as I'm always dwelling on things that happened in the past, or worrying about the future not concentrating enough on the present.


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## tario

This is true, but I would also like to point out that overthinking is something everyone does, it`s just that people with SA is that this takes over their control.

I always had this, same thing, heck I even practiced on mannerisms and what not. I didn`t give a f, I expect most people do the same. Just look at the girls you see around, some of them look in the mirror 30 minutes to make themselves look good in the morning. 

Listen, you will always be put in awkward situations, it happens to "normal" people often, i bet one of you have seen someone screw up and getting red in his face. 
Natural instinct tells us that we don`t want to be put down, we want to be treated equal, have respect for each other. 

One thing I do to keep me up is when I for example go on the subway. Yuck, a lot of nasty people to be found down their, thiefs and what not. I just go on my way and love who I am. 
Never live by certain code or rules that you have to act by in public, approach each situation with an open mind. When you are brought up in a conversation you often think that whatever you might say may come across as something entirely different. Reality is that there are times where you will say something wrong, it will for sure happen. So what? If some girl in the hallway laugh at me if I do something stupid I laugh it off. If she really want to go their I can talk her down so hard that she will be crying within 1 minute. I let NO ONE decide how I will feel.

I remember many years ago there was this kid that made fun of me for various reasons, he was older than me and had "backup" by his friends. What could I do, they were laughing at me. Making a joke about my weaknesses, it brings you down. Specially when you are young, but screw that. Haha, was so funny, remember I saw him later after several times of getting teased and what not by this guy. Then suddenly, I saw him with a friend at the school yard around the evening after school. I took up a brick from the ground and told him I would smash his face into oblivion if tried anymore ****. That was the end of that.

I had other encounters with people who tried to bully me, but I never let them get to me. Okay, enough rambling...not really sure if this whole post makes any sense because I started dwindling in my thoughts. To far to go back now


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## SADdam

*Regrets*

This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets
On the rise to the top many drop, don't forget
In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get separated, never forget
In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets.

-Jay-Z

To get ahead in life mistakes are inevitable. And oftentimes mistakes become regrets. But remember to take care of yourself, and if you try as best as possible to make careful decisions then the regrets stay at bay. This is how I rationalized it. I carried this with me then, and I carry it with me now. Mistakes I've made. Plenty of them. However, I've learned that out of the mistakes come redemption and forgiveness. Therein lies the justice of regrets.

-Something a wise individual once told me

"It takes a wise man to get the joys of losing, and then and then only can you enjoy improvement. I said and then and then only can you enjoy improvement.

-Rapper named Legit from Chicago


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## tomflup

I like it but it's easier said than done.


----------



## final squall

When a bad memory or a mistake I've made is bothering Me, and I can't stop thinking about it I try to analyze it. I ask Myself: 

why do I feel this way about it? 

If I did something wrong, What did I do wrong? 

What else could I have done? 

If anything happens like this again, how can I do better? 

I try to learn everything I can and turn it into a more positive thing. It becomes a learning experience and It helps me to move on.


----------



## thungerf

*Wish*

I wish, I wish upon a star...I could do this!


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## ThatMuteGirl

My past is eating me alive. Hypnotherapy tends to work short term for this. But there is no lasting antidote to past memories. I just have to do my best to be preoccupied.


----------



## tommyz

*Regret*

Sometimes out of the blue I get these heavy feelings of why did I wait so long to do this? or why didnt I have the courage to do xyz? if I start thinking like this the anxiety and depression will keep me wide awake until 2 am. I am slowly learning let it go but man it has not been easy.
Tommy


----------



## Angelwing

EASIER SAID THAN DONE..........................................

Especially when you are an obsessive compulsive overthinker (if there is a such term)...I try to remind myself to do this and it works for a while.....for a WHILE.

And then....BOOM...I'm hit with a past thought or regret that instantly depresses me.
I've tried the whole laser in my brain thing to "zap" negative thoughts of the past once they come in but sometimes it creeps up on you....


A GREAT SOLUTION TO THIS POST WOULD BE TO POINT OUT THE PROACTIVE THINGS WE CAN DO TO BANISH THESE THOUGHTS OF THE PAST ONCE THEY COME IN AND HOW TO PICK OURSELVES UP ONCE THESE THOUGHTS KICK OUR ASSES.


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## DesertStar91

This is all very true. I constantly dwell on the past and worry about the future. Thanks for putting this up, it really helped. )


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## jlucas

*Worries about the future.*

Even though I try hard to cope , I see that almost every career today needs social capital. I do not know if I can hope or not. I especially am pursuing a career that needs acquaintances and getting yourself out there. It makes me depressed thinking that my career might be over when it hasn't even started yet.


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## MikeinNirvana

Did anybody post this yet?
This thread is this...


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## James2013

I really wish I could change my past, but I can't. I wonder how things might have been different if they went my way. I hope that I reach a day where I am glad what happened in my past had happened.


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## ilsr

My life is just dashed dreams, and intimidation by bullies, lost fights, laughed at and mocked and pushed around verbally. 

At least those who are "normal" who have stepped over others to get ahead are not immune to the economic situation. Since it seems to be all about money in the end all too often. 

OP is a good thought. But how do you let go of humiliating defeat by those who want you to "realize" you're a piece of **** that they think you are. 
You have to fight off the label and not agree with their opinion you're a piece of **** every day.

turning future conflicts into a positives is good goal. yet can be very hard as situations can be anxiety producing and caught unawares reacting badly to the situation as usual.


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## Marybeth

Hya all I am new to this and really do not know what to do. I am writing my first reply. I have anxiety problems and wonder if anyone has any advise which I may find helpful.
Beth


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## thisismyusername123

Let it go let it go let it go what my boyfriend always says to me as im having a breakdown because i cant find something doesnt actually help at the time because it just makes me want to rugby tackle him but im sure he means well


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## Just Tony

Marybeth said:


> Hya all I am new to this and really do not know what to do. I am writing my first reply. I have anxiety problems and wonder if anyone has any advise which I may find helpful.
> Beth


Hey Beth!

The common thing to do is go into the frustration section of the site and just write to your hearts content about whatevers bothering you. Then people come by and leave feedback. Ill be sure to leave some too if I see it.


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## moonwalks

Good advice. Trying so hard to just focus on the present.


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## nomoreants

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


I think trying makes it worse..understanding works..the more u try the more u want to be somewhere in the future..i think he means now is perfect..and u can't do anything to get to now..


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## Smash86

What a great article, you show great wisdom for your age. I think too many of us do this and sometimes take it to the point of obcession. Reading this article has helped me relise how much I need to let go, and focus my energy on the future. One step at a time  :yes


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## Loulabelle

I'll give it a try.... Hopefully something that comes with practise.... 

This is one of my worst traits and I've been told by three different people, who don't know each other.... Can't help it and I always err on the worst case scenario. I figure if you think of the worst case, it can only get better. apparently I'm wrong to do this but I just feel so let down when I try to be positive so I go back to my 'safe place'


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## lauraangara

It is really something young adults deal with. You have to learn to let the past go and focus on what is presently in front of you or you will not have much focus on what's happening "now". Not only people with SA suffer this. It is something everyone come across in one point in their life because of different circumstances. So you have to just focus on what's happening right now, forgive the past if its about that hurt you and move on.


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## JaneDoeFilm

While I agree with the OP 100 percent, I think "letting it go" is the biggest obstacle most people suffer from when they have a "problem" such as SA. I think a better solution is finding out why "letting it go" is so hard for the individual person in question. Luckily my SA doesn't deal with holding onto things. I've never had an issue with letting things go, but I have friends who do.


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## JaneDoeFilm

To add to what I said above. My issue is with truly moving forward with out masking my problem. I try to ignore my anxiety by what seems to be a successful front. But I am too fearful to face it and don't know why. I think I'm just too scared to find out what the root of my anxiety is/came from.


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## movingforward504

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt


 Anxiety is living in the future. In the current moment, everything is okay. This particularly applies to my social anxiety, I'm so busy and preoccupied with figuring out what everyone will think of me when I say something that I have a hard time being myself in the current moment. I need to learn to let all of those thoughts go and stop trying to design a future where I've said everything perfectly, and just be myself.


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## cblack

Nicely said dude :')


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## Denwil24

THX TONY for reminding me(not being sarcastic), need a reminder every now and then because I am really bad when it comes to negative thoughts and dwelling on the past.


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## OliveGage

You know, I get it. You touch a wound and you just get sicker. Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema, a professor at Yale University, began studying depression in the 1980s and suggested that women suffer from overthinking:


> rumination, the natural instinct to dwell on the sources of problems rather than their possible solutions. Women were more prone to ruminate than men, the studies found, and in a landmark 1987 paper she argued that this difference accounted for the two-to-one ratio of depressed women to depressed men. She later linked rumination to a variety of mood and behavior problems, including anxiety, eating disorders and substance abuse.


 [p]I also think that people aren't able to report being violated until they are adults. So the events of where children and adolescents fail to negotiate the path to a broader society become permanent obstacles. When events are related to stressful trauma a person may need to be desensitized. Some families operated as minor cults. They ostracize anyone who leaves the fold and do their best to instill anti-social behaviors in their young. In fact I would argue that it is innately human to desire a personal identity that makes sense and a social identity that embraces us. [/p] [p]There is also a physical and genetic aspect of social anxiety. My family members tend to be extremely charismatic or very reclusive. That's gotta be a gene. Physically our bodies respond to all of these things by flooding us with stress hormones, setting off extreme cravings and remodeling our brains to address issues that others aren't experiencing. We have social anxiety, we have a body, mind, habbits and personality to support the craziness. The rest of the world does not. [/p] Its a maze of a lot of things where we often make the wrong turn... sorry about the brackets... I'm still figuring out the editor.


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## sudo nym

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. ---Lao Tzu


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## kelepr

Nicely said, I dwell on the past as well as the future like upcoming social events.Then when it becomes the present i am paranoid about what people think of me and what are they saying or laughing at. We could all benefit from a chill pill :lol


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## Orion41

"Let it go", I'm terribly good at this. When something becomes so traumatic (e.g. physical abuse) I just unconsciously forget it. Like forgetting I had college finals that start at 8am and not 10am like I thought. And whoops, there goes an entire semester of work, stress, money, down the drain all because I was late 2 hours. And somehow forget that I'm going to be working that debt off for the next 20 years. Well, forget about that too, forget college, forget having a future. That's how I deal with it.... Then you pretty much DON'T CARE about ANYTHING.

So for me, I rarely dwell on the past or future. So much that it becomes difficult to remember things in the past, like details of my work history when filling out job applications (which I've been doing a lot of with no luck for the past 4 years).


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## Orion41

kelepr said:


> Nicely said, I dwell on the past as well as the future like upcoming social events.Then when it becomes the present i am paranoid about what people think of me and what are they saying or laughing at. We could all benefit from a chill pill :lol


I used to be paranoid like that, and extremely anxious about how people perceived me. Then as I got older, and with what everything life threw at me, I just didn't care. It requires that you actually care about "yourself" enough to care what people think of you. Once that's gone, so is your anxiety. Not saying that's a good thing, but there it is..

Now anytime I hear laughter towards my direction, usually coinciding with something embarrassing or stupid that I just did, I don't feel intimidated by it. I get really angry at them. I guess this is what happens when this form of anxiety gets too bad, it twists into rage.


----------



## Joedoewoe

Agreeeeeeed. Of all the energy i could of spent promoting my abilities at some sort of hobby to become a career wasted on analyzing past.....and at the end of the analyzing trance the wonderful thoughts of ways i could kill myself set in.... i try so hard beat it buttttttt.... the thoughts come at me like a sneak attack


----------



## Stephystar123

*So true!*

Wow really wish I could live like that. Great post! Really relates! I think letting go also means not caring. As in completely giving in to vulnerability and, well, going with the flow. Not over analyzing every move we make but embracing all our great shenanigans, no matter what the outcome. Letting go as in just giving up listening to judgements of others. You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself. As in the words of Ed Sheeran ~ "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone." This my dear is truer than true because no one else is youer than you! And yes I brought Dr. Seuss in! That's my goal right now. Let go and let live. Let it be. Let it be. And now I brought the Beatles! Oh darn I just love referencing  so yes let go of all that keeps up from being ourselves and being open, or being a tight-*** haha! Letting go of the future that hasn't come yet, and won't for a while, no matter what you think... And letting go in the present and being the person YOU wanna be. Remembering the feelings of happiness, letting them out to fly free and embracing them ... Cuz you know, YOLO! Now I brought drake in so I will slowly fade out... Huzzah!


----------



## doublelle

I am an extreme dweller in the past. I just can't let go.
I play the same memories (*always* instances in social settings where I wish I did or said something differently) over and over in my head when there's nothing else in it, which is why I can't stand to stay at home and do nothing ("relax"). I always have to be out and doing something to keep my mind from straying to my cornucopia of negative experiences, and from getting paranoid of how my past mistakes have affected peoples' views of me.

Something that always helps me after a particularly memorable (in the bad way) social blunder is to think to myself "everything is happening perfectly". Whether or not destiny actually exists we'll never know. But having faith in it makes your outlook on life so much more positive.


----------



## Strawberre

This is good advice. The difficulty in "letting go" of the past is that it can bury itself deep into your subconscience, even if you think you have let it go. I pretend things don't bother me. I say I've let them go, but if I haven't dealt with these things directly, I haven't let them go... I've simply buried them. Eventually, they will affect me. So to add to your mantra "let it go"...."First, deal with it, and THEN LET IT GO." Blessed Be.


----------



## Igs

I find this to be a massive problem for me. As well as fearing things in the future, I really struggle to let go of things that happened in the past and times I messed up. I'll often feel I have gotten over them and 'let them go' but I always end up thinking about them again.


----------



## Orion41

Strawberre said:


> This is good advice. The difficulty in "letting go" of the past is that it can bury itself deep into your subconscience, even if you think you have let it go. I pretend things don't bother me. I say I've let them go, but if I haven't dealt with these things directly, I haven't let them go... I've simply buried them. Eventually, they will affect me. So to add to your mantra "let it go"...."First, deal with it, and THEN LET IT GO." Blessed Be.


To confront something completely is to eliminate its power over you.

Unfortunately, the problem with social anxiety/phobia is that social interaction often becomes just as traumatic as a life or death situation. It's like setting yourself on fire, then trying to keep from going insane from torturous pain.

I rarely have regrets with social situations, because I understand that I could not have handled it any better. I accept that there are some things I just can't do, and don't constantly wish I could do more, or be any different. Just as we accept not being as attractive as we would like, being too short, or too fat, too old, etc.

Once you accept yourself for all that you are (confront), it no longer bothers you. This allows you to be more comfortable around people, and that makes them comfortable around you. Which for me at least, has eliminated at least "50%" of my social anxiety. The rest is just from people who don't understand what social anxiety is, and therefore react negatively towards me, assuming my awkwardness or strange behavior is something else. Which of course I in turn recognize as such, but does not diminish their ugliness towards me.


----------



## Daktoria

I've never really liked this thread, and wish it was unstuck.

One, anxiety partially comes from being forced to learn from experience, yet not remembering past lessons.

Two, anxiety partially comes from being told you're obligated to endure being violated since the victim is blamed into "letting it go". After letting it go, it happens again and again and again. Abusers tell victims they have to put up with it because it's not their right to live without conflict since they're oppressing their abusers. Sometimes, abusers even get away with provocation in victims exploding and authorities disciplining victims instead of abusers.

The OP shows a severe lack of understanding. It baffles me how it's allowed to stay around.

Maybe if someone chopped his leg off and told him to let it go, he would understand better.


----------



## thefourth

I can relate, I have a tendency to over think everything I say. I will repeat my conversation over and over in my head thinking of better ways I could have said it. Especially when I have said something stupid, when I talk to the other person about it they seem to act as though they don't even remember what I had said and I realize how much I put into something they never gave a second thought too.


----------



## getsomeair

Daktoria said:


> I've never really liked this thread, and wish it was unstuck.
> 
> One, anxiety partially comes from being forced to learn from experience, yet not remembering past lessons.
> 
> Two, anxiety partially comes from being told you're obligated to endure being violated since the victim is blamed into "letting it go". After letting it go, it happens again and again and again. Abusers tell victims they have to put up with it because it's not their right to live without conflict since they're oppressing their abusers. Sometimes, abusers even get away with provocation in victims exploding and authorities disciplining victims instead of abusers.


I could be wrong, but I don't think the OP was refering to victims of abuse.

Do you think it's better to obsess over the past? Really?

Letting go abuse and letting go negative thoughts are two different things. I thought this thread was about negative thoughts.

But even people who have been abused need to work on that, and of course the abusers should be punished. But that's another topic.

But we're all entitled to our opinions, I just find it hard to believe you're against letting things go. It's not for anybody but ourselves we need to let go, for our own mental health and not because we're pressured into it.


----------



## Just Tony

Daktoria said:


> I've never really liked this thread, and wish it was unstuck.
> 
> One, anxiety partially comes from being forced to learn from experience, yet not remembering past lessons.
> 
> Two, anxiety partially comes from being told you're obligated to endure being violated since the victim is blamed into "letting it go". After letting it go, it happens again and again and again. Abusers tell victims they have to put up with it because it's not their right to live without conflict since they're oppressing their abusers. Sometimes, abusers even get away with provocation in victims exploding and authorities disciplining victims instead of abusers.
> 
> The OP shows a severe lack of understanding. It baffles me how it's allowed to stay around.
> 
> Maybe if someone chopped his leg off and told him to let it go, he would understand better.


That hurts a lot since I really respect you.

But hey, I wrote this with good intentions in mind so that is all that matters to me. Take it however you want.


----------



## Just Tony

getsomeair said:


> I could be wrong, but I don't think the OP was refering to victims of abuse.
> 
> Do you think it's better to obsess over the past? Really?
> 
> Letting go abuse and letting go negative thoughts are two different things. I thought this thread was about negative thoughts.
> 
> But even people who have been abused need to work on that, and of course the abusers should be punished. But that's another topic.
> 
> But we're all entitled to our opinions, I just find it hard to believe you're against letting things go. It's not for anybody but ourselves we need to let go, for our own mental health and not because we're pressured into it.


Yes your assumption is correct. Reading this made me feel kind of better, thank you.


----------



## 1134

I'm sorry but all I could really think about after reading this initial thread, is why is a 17 year old boy giving advice in an area that he barely knows anything about? No offence but I doubt he even knows much about mental illness in general let alone be able to advise people of such problems. When I was 17 I was still in school,skate boarding, not trying to reason with mentally ill individuals online.


----------



## KLynn2393

Thank you so much for this post, It's one of the main issues I have. I can never let things go.


----------



## roblox

It's very hard to just let something go if every day you are reminded of what you did wrong in the past or how you could have done something differently and day after day you are "punished" by this.


----------



## No Matter What

*Everything is already Planned*



Swagger91 said:


> This is so true. I'm constantly thinking about all opportunities I've missed over the past few years. Regret is one of the worst feelings ever, and yet it's SO pointless. I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted. It's ridiculous!


----------



## MN8

I always come back to this thread.
Thank you so much for sticking this!


----------



## bigbossman

am always thinking of the past like my mid teenage cause all ave dont for the past 4 years is smoke weed and go to work how ****e


----------



## strongbutsilent90

1134 said:


> I'm sorry but all I could really think about after reading this initial thread, is why is a 17 year old boy giving advice in an area that he barely knows anything about? No offence but I doubt he even knows much about mental illness in general let alone be able to advise people of such problems. When I was 17 I was still in school,skate boarding, not trying to reason with mentally ill individuals online.


How do you know that he barely knows anything about mental illness? Do you know him personally?


----------



## burlesquefox

1134 said:


> I'm sorry but all I could really think about after reading this initial thread, is why is a 17 year old boy giving advice in an area that he barely knows anything about? No offence but I doubt he even knows much about mental illness in general let alone be able to advise people of such problems. When I was 17 I was still in school,skate boarding, not trying to reason with mentally ill individuals online.


i disagree with this, do you think when someone is young, he can't be depressed as someone 10 years older? it makes no sense to me, i actually think it's very likely for us to end like this in this age, world in this time is really messed up, it's hard to grow up to avarage healthy being in a place like this


----------



## MikeinNirvana

1134 said:


> I'm sorry but all I could really think about after reading this initial thread, is why is a 17 year old boy giving advice in an area that he barely knows anything about? No offence but I doubt he even knows much about mental illness in general let alone be able to advise people of such problems. When I was 17 I was still in school,skate boarding, not trying to reason with mentally ill individuals online.


Is because sometimes it takes the young one to give us a reality check not just the elder, there was another post from a 16 years old very valuable, forgive those who may have hurt you in the past and as well as forgive yourself is a good teaching to look forward a de-attach from the bad moments that life gave us. If we keep bring the bad things of our life than we won't be able to grow as human being and we can be stuck in that circle. we sure are more than that.


----------



## 7th.Streeter

Grayman said:


> Exactly! In fact, you can only have feelings for something you think is important. Convince yourself that you don't need something or people and then you won't care what they think or what happens the next day. You cannot get angry if someone destroys your car if you don't give a crap about the car. You will not stress about and imagine the thoughts in peoples heads about you if you did not care to have them as friends. Realisticly they are not truly friends if you cannot be yourself around them. Give it up and be yourself and not what you think they want you to be and you will find true friendship. The only important thing, is that you tried but if it does not work out, Oh Well.* There is so much in this world to live for, so why sweat the small stuff? They don't like you find someone else stop waisting your time with these people.[/QUOTE*]
> 
> amen  we need to stop magnifying it in our minds..


----------



## ripsta99

i dont know about everybody else but i strongly believe those thoughts aren't because you are thinking them, but its more like a mental illness that keeps negative thoughts recurring in your head. seriously, who forces themself to regret things that have happened in the past?

it sucks. people with anxiety were just unfortunate to have been born with a mental illness. i hate to say it, but we are retarded in a sense.


----------



## pbanco

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt


I don't think the best route is to try to repress negative thoughts or cover them over with positive ones. That doesn't work for me. Expressing feelings associated with past events is what allows me to let go of those
incidents. This healing process gets rid of the negative feelings which
are the source of negative thoughts. Deciding to stop thinking about past events doesn't make them go away. That is like sweeping dirt under the
carpet. It is still there and will come out later or in different ways.


----------



## starburst

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt


This is a great post AND this is the central thesis of the excellent book 'The Power Of Now', which I highly recommend.


----------



## pbanco

starburst said:


> This is a great post AND this is the central thesis of the excellent book 'The Power Of Now', which I highly recommend.


We can be fully in the present when we are done with the past. Just deciding that we are done with it doesn't make it true. This is a kind of magical thinking
that doesn't work for me. If some incident brought up horrible feelings, those are real and worth talking about.


----------



## TaliesinLALA

Could it be, that we somehow move forward (in an effort to let go) but have yet to unload our past that it weighs us back down?

I feel a bit like this sometimes.:roll


----------



## Just Tony

;1061404857 said:


> We can be fully in the present when we are done with the past. Just deciding that we are done with it doesn't make it true. This is a kind of magical thinking
> that doesn't work for me. If some incident brought up horrible feelings, those are real and worth talking about.


This isnt magic that applies to every situation in life. I wish I could clear all the misinterpretations but oh well.

Something alot of you guys are writing. No, im not going to force you to take my advice for gold. Honestly, if it helps it helps. If it doesn't it doesn't.

I didn't want to edit the op so I quoted a poster. Though I guess I should put it in my own words as well.

You cant really let go of something until you accept it. How do you accept things, how do you heal things? By cleaning the wound of course. Yes, cleaning the wound will hurt now at that exact moment, but at least you will not constantly bleed or become infected forever. To let go is to accept it as part of you, and to not allow it to hurt you any longer. To no longer "bleed" but accept the wound as there and then patch it up. Instead of pushing the thoughts to the back, bring it to the front, and let it all out. Whether to yourself or to someone you truly trust. (Things like this do in fact begin to lose meaning when it is shared with others.)

This post isn't about just doing some *poof* "I am delusional and everything is fine post." (No that isn't blood dripping down my arm, im totally fine[Not lol.]) No, the message I was trying to send is for people to realize that just letting yourself spiral down isn't a good use of time. "Let it go, dont just mope and wallow" was the message I was trying to tell to you guys.


----------



## pbanco

Just Tony said:


> Something alot of you guys are writing. No, im not going to force you to take my advice for gold. Honestly, if it helps it helps. If it doesn't it doesn't.
> 
> I didn't want to edit the op so I quoted a poster. Though I guess I should put it in my own words as well.
> 
> You cant really let go of something until you accept it. How do you accept things, how do you heal things? By cleaning the wound of course. Yes, cleaning the wound will hurt now at that exact moment, but at least you will not constantly bleed or become infected forever. To let go is to accept it as part of you, and to not allow it to hurt you any longer. To no longer "bleed" but accept the wound as there and then patch it up. Instead of pushing the thoughts to the back, bring it to the front, and let it all out. Whether to yourself or to someone you truly trust. (Things like this do in fact begin to lose meaning when it is shared with others.)
> 
> This post isn't about just doing some *poof* "I am delusional and everything is fine post." (No that isn't blood dripping down my arm, im totally fine[Not lol.]) No, the message I was trying to send is for people to realize that just letting yourself spiral down isn't a good use of time. "Let it go, dont just mope and wallow" was the message I was trying to tell to you guys.


I think the original post here is of questionable value and had me wondering why it was sticky. No one needs to take any advice but this post is permanently there.
We certainly don't want to spiral down as a continuous thing. What I do is work with my feelings and let out the "bad" ones. When that's done I have relief, it doesn't go on for hours or days or something. It isn't bottomless. There is a difference between healing
a wound and covering it over.
I am more agreeable with what you wrote here, however. Thanks for adding this.


----------



## starburst

Just Tony said:


> Something alot of you guys are writing. No, im not going to force you to take my advice for gold. Honestly, if it helps it helps. If it doesn't it doesn't.
> 
> I didn't want to edit the op


Your OP is totally good - it conveys a good message, and the right one I believe - that is the path that will work.

But some people are dealing with serious bitterness - and they can possibly spoil things for others by harking back to their painful past again and again. They emanate negative energies which can adversely affect other people.

I would not modify or qualify your message in any way to accommodate such inability to 'let go'. Such a person is in need of more specialist help.

'If it doesn't help it doesn't help' - that is the wisest attitude to take!


----------



## pbanco

starburst said:


> Your OP is totally good - it conveys a good message, and the right one I believe - that is the path that will work.
> 
> But some people are dealing with serious bitterness - and they can possibly spoil things for others by harking back to their painful past again and again. They emanate negative energies which can adversely affect other people.
> 
> I would not modify or qualify your message in any way to accommodate such inability to 'let go'. Such a person is in need of more specialist help.
> 
> 'If it doesn't help it doesn't help' - that is the wisest attitude to take!


 I get the feeling that you are referring to my posts.
It is not my intention to spoil anything for people who like the OP.
I agree that it is a positive message intending to be helpful.
Different helpful approaches are possible, depending on the goal
in mind, and all I have done is to add my perspective.


----------



## AShowers

*A desperate cry for help*

I'm still working on this myself. I have allowed a lot of life's stressors to envelope me. I have realized that it is me who has allowed it to be a constant, annoying factor. Even though, there are things in my life I am not entirely happy about, I know I can learn to control what I respond to. Sometimes it is hard to do especially because I get so jittery, and I tend to breathe deep, half-breaths especially in response to certain sounds. I get really annoyed by certain sounds especially my neighbors coughs, hearing them smack their lips, cut their finger nails when they have absolutely nothing to cut (I know this because that idiotic female is always cutting her nails 24/7) she must not have nails to cut anymore, hearing them gossip, hearing the floor creak every second he's there, and hearing the door's hinges sound out loud. I feel like pulling my hair out from my head. They always listen to w.e. I say/do, and they're always stalking me and my family. Every time I say something that idiot just stands there and listens to it, then gossips to the other 2 female big pigs in the house, and all 3 of them have a big laugh about it. They call me "stupid", "crazy".


----------



## Luke667

*So true*



Swagger91 said:


> This is so true. I'm constantly thinking about all opportunities I've missed over the past few years. Regret is one of the worst feelings ever, and yet it's SO pointless. I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted. It's ridiculous!


 This is how l feel just thinking so much about the past & my regrets, I get so tired of it. Let me hear more from you. Thanks Luke


----------



## Existin

Thank you Just tony! So very wise and exactly what i needed to hear right now. I said "it" with you and feeling a some relief.  so simple yet to hard to remember to do.


----------



## Daktoria

This thread is so dumb.

If you're punched in the face, let it go. If you're neglected, let it go. If someone steals from you, let it go. If someone got you in trouble from lying or cheating the system, let it go.

It's totally retarded. Maybe if someone hurt the guys who made it or stuck it, they would understand.


----------



## Fenren

Daktoria said:


> This thread is so dumb.


Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!


----------



## Pam

Some people can be offended or even hurt by this Let It Go advice. If a person has PTSD for example. You don't say to someone who's been raped "just let it go!" ....or would you? 

I have PTSD and I can't imagine saying to someone who lost their mother as a child like I did, just let it go. That's not effective advice to say the least. 

But a lot of people like this advice I guess. I just don't understand why would people who have control over their thoughts and feelings torture themselves with thinking about the past? If you're able to stop it, then just stop already!


----------



## pbanco

Pam said:


> Some people can be offended or even hurt by this Let It Go advice. If a person has PTSD for example. You don't say to someone who's been raped "just let it go!" ....or would you?
> 
> I have PTSD and I can't imagine saying to someone who lost their mother as a child like I did, just let it go. That's not effective advice to say the least.
> 
> But a lot of people like this advice I guess. I just don't understand why would people who have control over their thoughts and feelings torture themselves with thinking about the past? If you're able to stop it, then just stop already!


What happened to you with the loss of your mother sounds very similar to my
own story. When I am at work, I try to focus my thoughts on work.
But otherwise my goal is to loosen control over my thoughts and feelings,
especially in therapy sessions, as that's a healing path.


----------



## tiredoflife

I am never in the moment. I can most of the time not even remember what I did 2 mins ago not to mention all the things that happened in the past. Some major issues never go away though. I always have regrets, I always feel worthless and I always **** things up. I try my best to improve and I always end up slidding down to worse than before. I don't know.. but "Let it go, let it go" Doesn't seem like its even possible. Getting a thicker skin is hard as well, as I always care what others think about me. I dunno just my thoughts


----------



## Existin

Well it's true it is temporary. When i am frantically obsessed with thoughts about things sometimes i have to just let it go temporarily if i am able or it is just too much to take. I am not always able. And of course i am working on more permanent solutions but i was just saying i was stuck and needed to let it go at that moment. I still have the same unbearable problems and am still just trying to get by moment to moment , day by day. It all builds back up unfortunately.I look for any reason to tell myself "its ok" and give myself a break and hope that i can.


----------



## starburst

'Let it go' is not intended to be offensive - this is incorrect interpretation of the message, which is a spiritual message, not to be taken in flatly literal terms. I think it was worthy of being a sticky. It is essentially stating the philosophy of the well-known book The Power of Now, which I think is a fairly good book.


----------



## LionHeartedGirl

Yes, good advice! It is something easier said than done, but it is something we should all keep reminding ourselves. I often dwell on embarrassing/awkward moments. I feel like I clearly remember every single time I've felt humiliated, even if it was for the smallest reason, like giving the wrong answer in a class or something. These moments just come back to haunt me at random times, and I find myself wishing I'd just said one thing to fix the stupid mistake I made. But I just have to keep telling myself that everyone makes mistakes, and that nothing can be done about it now, and in most cases I'm probably the only one who remembers these embarrassing little moments.


----------



## Forwhatiamworth

I try my absolute best to reinforce this in my self. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. IT depends on the issues it surrounds, like I wish I would have started going to school full-time right out high school, now I wont have a masters a degree or a decent paying job until I am at least 30 I try to tell myself I have my whole life ahead of me but someones the downs get the best of me


----------



## VirginKing

Impossible


----------



## shyness87

yes this is so true..its exactly how I am..we do need to let it go..and start living in the present but its so hard


----------



## sunflowerdreams

"When what ahead of you scares you, and what's behind you hurts you..don't forget you can always look up."


----------



## monotonous

why do we care about people who don't give a **** about us.. err the default human mind is so pathetic


----------



## hinchcliffe

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


It's true.
I went for a meal last year with a group of about 12 people in a team I was in, the table at the restaurant held about 25 and everyone was involved in the same project to a greater or lesser extent.
When I arrived I walked up to my team and could see all the seats were taken but someone could move up one and make a space for me the one member of the team who had nowhere to sit. I waited..and waited a bit longer. Apart from the embarresed look on one girls face there was nothing.
I was to shy to say as some people would "come on shift up you buggers"
So I went to sit at the far end of the table with people who were nice but I barely knew watching my team laughing and joking out of my ear shot.
It was not preplanned or a conspiracy or anything paranoic like that but an utter disregard for the feelings of a member of a team and I was VERY hurt and upset..and stillmam.
One girl (the one mentioned above who has since become a good friend) said "I'm sorry there was nothing I could do" I thanked her just for having noticed how upset I was.
I then went home and thought about it for four hours..and then some more. Eight months later I still can't get it out of my head.
These things can destroy you, DON'T let them, let them go...if you can!


----------



## britisharrow

We use this phrase is EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques (a ludicrous looking therapy involving tapping on the body but one that I've found effective).


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## panicattackhelp29

I constantly live in regret and currently suffer from Post Traumatic Stress coupled with anxiety disorder. I witnessed the death of someone very close to me and it will be two years in December. I am having problems getting over it because I lost my gf and love of my life that day. Very sad and it about killed me to get up in the morning and face the world. I have been off of my anti-anxiety medication for more than a year now and am seriously considering going back to a psychiatrist to get some help.


----------



## Still Waters

I wonder if in some instances people hold onto the past because it now defines them -Who would they be,if not that little girl that was bullied or the kid that was ignored? If they move away from those distant memories,who will they be? 
Is holding onto that long ago identity also giving them "permission" to hide from the world? Is it their reasoning for losing themselves in pills or alcohol? If no one else can truly understand,then they feel exempt from following a more traditional path and attempting to fit into society. They're "special"?!?


----------



## ForgetYourselfNow

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


You read what is 00% of my problem. Amazing.

I think the problem is training my crappy mind to focus something and help me lose in that activity.

Now a lot of the people have told me online that meditation works but not everyone tells me that it will work 100%.

I have tried it and when I am relaxed and don't have any anxiety, the thought of meditation actually reminds me of my Anxiety and it is all over again. Same thing happens when I am lost in that present moment and out of the blue comes the familiar looking face and I know I shouldn't care what he or she thinks but my stupid mind wont' control it. FREAKY but the only thing I can do is accept it and move on. But wish all this would easy ! It ain't.


----------



## ForgetYourselfNow

how to edit ? is this like having another SOA ? oh my lord. Hello friend, sorry. I really meant to say 100% of my problem there. This is how my mind works. you type. You don't check and they later you feel sorry for everything and I think again and i feel soooooooooooooooooooooo sorry and worried that moderators gonna punish me with again something. oh no friend. i meant to say 100% true of what you said.


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## starburst

ForgetYourselfNow said:


> how to edit ?


Look back at your post and you'll see an edit button at the bottom of it (you have to be logged in). Click that and it will allow you to change or delete your post - there seems to be no time limit on it, very civilized.


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## starburst

On this subject there is an intersting film coming out soon that deals with this whole theme of 'letting go' - called The Railway Man starring Colin Firth and Nicole Kidman.

I actually read the book, one of those books you read in about two days as its so hard to put down.

Basically it is a war story where a British officer is captured in a Japanese POW camp and brutally tortured. Years later suffering psychological trauma he goes back to confront one of his captors - "Lomax returns to the scene of his torture and manages to track down his captor, Japanese officer Takashi Nagase (played by Sanada), from the prison camp, *"in an attempt let go of a lifetime of bitterness and hate"* (Wikipedia)


----------



## stubbornlove

Thank you for posting I really needed to hear this


----------



## dw2465

Great post and so true. You can't do a thing about the past, but learn from it.


----------



## dw2465

I find myself getting trapped in the past sometimes when I'm very lonely. Sometimes it's impossible not to dwell in the past when the present is so dismal. I find myself doing that at times, but the next day I realize you can't do anything about the past.


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## Staticnz

I wish I could. Thinking about what I need to let go just makes it hurt all over again.


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## tristatejosh

I have done better with telling myself to "let it go". Persistence is key with any CBT training.

Here's a song about letting it go for those interested since it's on topic.


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## mentalfitness

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


I will 100% agree with this right now as I'm in a good mood as of this writing. It's some good words and they make sense.

The cynical side of me will share....EASIER SAID THAN DONE.... god I wish it were that easy most of the time. I use weight loss as an analogy. Losing weight is just calories in vs calories out. Eat less bad food, more good healthy food and exercise. Yet most people are still overweight.


----------



## M4RTIN

This post was very liberating for me, thanks. The past is dead and gone. I obsess about the past and try to re-write it a million different ways in my head, but it's gone. Sad but gone. I have to try to understand thinking about the past wastes the present. And then you think about the present you lost when it becomes the past, kinda crazy.


----------



## jarmaine

I always try to think positive but the minute I walk pass a group of people who suddenly bust out with laughter my whole body just stumbles


----------



## starburst

jarmaine said:


> I always try to think positive but the minute I walk pass a group of people who suddenly bust out with laughter my whole body just stumbles


Thanks for that - I'm glad its not just me that gets that feeling sometimes!


----------



## SeenAndNotSeen

jarmaine said:


> I always try to think positive but the minute I walk pass a group of people who suddenly bust out with laughter my whole body just stumbles


I get this all the time...some days are worse than others. I just have to forcefully tell myself that they're not thinking about me at all...and 99% of the time, I know that's true even though it doesn't feel like it.


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## sadddd

It is easier said than done. This is probably my biggest problem ever. I feel as if I live in the past. As if I am still back in the time when and where I made all of my mistakes and all of my failures. All of the times I could have done better. All of the awards I could have gotten. All of the things I should have done, but did not. All of the things I wanted and did not get. All of these things bother me every single day. I just cannot allow myself to simply let go. These mistakes and failures haunt me. They make me incredibly upset all the time. I feel as if I will repeat them over and over again every year. That is my number one though every single New Years. I am going to mess up everything again. My mistakes and failures control me and the worst part is there are more to come my way...


----------



## Farideh

Yo are right,k but I really wish things would have been different in the past so that I wouldn't be scarred today... right now.... at the moment. If that one thing didn't happen, things would be totally different, but yes, I have realized that I obviously cannot change the past. I just try my best every day to accept what has happened. That is was a long time ago and that it shouldn't even mean sh*t to me anymore. Although, I do find myself in the bad habit of thinking about these negative memories over and over and over. Bad habit of mine. Hopefully, I will learn to find a solution to stop this.


----------



## Chelse

This is very true. It is difficult when the past is constantly waved in your face. But it is important for moving on.


----------



## Sefarad

Thank you, sometimes the hardest part is to let it go. Lately I've been really concerned about all the opportunities I've missed and questioning my judgement a lot. I guess the best I can do now is to let it go  Trying really hard


----------



## maryseouellet

I am so ****ed up right now.......


----------



## mcgilicutty

Lettin' it now gooooo. (deep breath)


----------



## FormerOptimist

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


For me, I'm fortunate to have accepted the past and am no longer emotionally affected by it.

Living in the present without looking to the future is a recipe for failure, unless you have someone who is providing a roof over your head and feeding you, then it's possible for the present to be your only place to be.


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## Bidniman

This is where most of my anxiety comes from, thinking about the past. And you are absolutely right, nothing can change the past and dwelling on the past will just make your problems worse. Today is a new day, the past is behind you. There's nothing you can do about it, just move on and hopefully things will get better.


----------



## PBGum

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


i've wasted years doing this, and now i'm terrified of what will happen when i let go and i have to start over, held behind with years of waste and nothingness piled up already.


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## itarille

Excellent post about letting go. That is one of my biggest problems right now and it is the reason why I'm constantly worrying about something. I'm working on it though and I hope to continue to improve on that.


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## a123

PBGum said:


> i've wasted years doing this, and now i'm terrified of what will happen when i let go and i have to start over, held behind with years of waste and nothingness piled up already.


Since the past can't be changed you may as well learn what you can from it, and then just let go and move on. There's no reason to keep hanging on to worries and whatever has happened in the past as all it brings is misery and negativity.


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## buhlue

Thank you so much for this. THIS is one of my biggest problems. I constantly dwell on the past i CANNOT let it go. I really wish i could. I want to live in the now, why is it so hard?


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## OnTheRocks

I'm loving this thread! You're all absolutely right, the best thing is to leave the past as the past and say "screw it, today is MY day and I'm gonna make it awesome!"


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## Vera alonso

great post, these words can always inspire and make me think positive of myself!! i awlays keep these inspiring notes in a box, and when im sad i read them to uplift me!! ^.^ thanks!!


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## JS13

For those who choose to be afraid of life and not follow their heart, you'll definitely regret it once your older.


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## monotonous

cant agree more, like i think there should be no war, but how :/


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## Scarlet Tanager

Thank you so much for this post. I just wish letting it go would be easier...


----------



## Stew

this post flew in like an angel to my screen to save me from my idle useless introspection!


----------



## KPanthera

Great post, thanks for sharing it. Every time I read the title I hear it in Geddy Lees voice as he sings it in open secrets.


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## angelaschoolcraft304

*Can't*

What if you cant just let it go?


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## cc1991

I don't want to keep pushing people away, not trusing people or myself, and not living my life to fullest.


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## LittleGloves

Everytime a new day starts and I'm trying hard to move on, the past constantly comes back to haunt me once in a while.


----------



## theclouds

I love this.
You are soooo right.


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## Etal_ Ladybug

^This


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## julianac13

Very wise words! I have been practicing meditation for a couple of months now and am beginning to realize how important it is to stay PRESENT. There are times when I get so caught up in thoughts about the past and future, constantly worrying and beating myself up for mistakes. But when I allow myself to let go and surrender to the moment, I become filled with so much peace and love.


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## Duck11

So if you have the ability to let it go, and you know that is what you should do. And you are aware that people perceive you as sad, angry, depressed, etc. because you are always lost in thought and you want to change that. What do you do if you don't have the capacity to do so because your anxiety is so ingrained into your daily routine and has been for so many years that it is a part of your identity and every method you use to ensure your not dwelling on the past is approached the only way you are able to? Having trouble wording the question but basically saying: What if you did not have control over what your mind thinks about?


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## Smiling On The Inside

I wish i could "let it go" but it's not happening.


----------



## Jank24

What can you do if you've spent your whole life thinking? This post hit home for me but it's so difficult for me to STOP dwelling. It's like second nature. I even wonder to myself sometimes how "normal" people go through there day..


----------



## RoseWhiteRoseRed

Jank24 said:


> What can you do if you've spent your whole life thinking? This post hit home for me but it's so difficult for me to STOP dwelling. It's like second nature. I even wonder to myself sometimes how "normal" people go through there day..


same here, I still think about events that happened months (even years) ago =/


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## Socially Retarded Llama

So true


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## kaylahp

I have trouble worrying about the future and the present more than the past. Couldn't even get out of the house this morning to drop off resumes for my job search cause I was so SA bout it.


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## green9206

Letting it go How ? It just doesn't go !!!


----------



## Gloomy Grasshopper

I think too much -- "What if?" 

There's so many things I wish I had of done.

For instance, when I was a junior in high school, a girl asked me to the Prom -- a friend of hers came over to me, at my lunch table, to tell me her friend wanted to go to Prom with me. I looked back at her, and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I said "No". I still wish I had said "Yes".


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## anosh88

I think what you said is definitely true. I have found myself overthinking things that I've done in the past and regretting whatever it is I did. A feeling of insecurity ensues after the mentioned thoughts come, or at least if I allow them to come. It is best to let go of the past and focus on what we can do NOW to change ourselves for the better.


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## JezZar

Yep totally agree with this the hard part is doing it:sus. Its like a constant fight to snap urself into the now but its like a muscle the more I work at it the more naturally it comes. I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's The power of now and he has a fascinating insight to this and meditation also helps alot.


----------



## Kekai

*Hammah time*

If you guys have a hard time letting go of a thought or have a constant fixation on something negative about yourself or others, try doing something that will distract you.

Ex:

Throw something in the air and catch it! Gradually increase the distance you throw the object in the air. Try catching the object in front of you, at your sides and even backwards! Your focus will be on the object and not on your thoughts.

Sing/hum a song (positive song) out loud or in your head and have it on repeat. Dance to the tune for best results. 
This technique worked best for me during my worst bouts of SA. I recall being frozen and shaking in a supermarket unable to get my groceries and leave b/c there was too many people. Suddenly, a song I liked started playing and eased my tension a lot. For now on, whenever I panic, I switch on my mental mp3 player and jam to it.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark

My problem is, that when something painful has happened, more often than not, it isn't just that I feel I "can't" let it go........ but also that I don't "want" to let it go. 
Something really painful has happened recently for me, and when I visualise having gotten over it, that state of mind doesn't really seem attractive. I am struggling to accept what happened I suppose- because it just feels so ridiculously unfair, that I almost can't believe it.


----------



## cafune

I really wish I could do this. I experience deep shame and regret for some truly stupid things I've said/done. Nothing particularly awful/immoral (that I haven't forgiven myself for), but damaging to my self-esteem and self-worth. Usually I can not think about it, but the reminders are painful and ridiculously consistent. Or perhaps my mind always boomerangs back to those moments or finds some minor connection to them (this is probably the case). I know that my emotions and thoughts are irrelevant to my surroundings and present life, which is slightly relieving but ultimately, unhelpful.


----------



## samuraimunki

Swagger91 said:


> This is so true. I'm constantly thinking about all opportunities I've missed over the past few years. Regret is one of the worst feelings ever, and yet it's SO pointless. I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted. It's ridiculous!


Yes definitely ridiculous. Instead train yourself to think of opportunities and having the ability to see AND grab opportunities when they come your way, and also more importantly, see yourself having the ability to create your own opportunities and really enjoying the process of doing so. t will take a few weeks of consistent effort of thinking this way but after a while it will become more of a habitual thinking process for you and guess what...you will start to see more opportunities and you will start to feel you also have the ability to take them; at that moment all you'll have to do is take them!


----------



## SillyIdiot

I definitely do this often. Old memories come up all the time and i can get depressed etc from them. I struggle to let anything go!

How do you train your thoughts to be more positive and present thinking?


----------



## TailsAlone

If I could let it go I wouldn't be here. And I would feel like I have nothing. At least earlier in my life I actually did stuff. I'm just drifting now. I want to hang on to the few good memories I have.


----------



## RecoveredWell

Subliminal Sleep Therapy, Subconscious reconditioning...so cool and so spooky at the same time but worked.


----------



## FROZENINTIME

TRUE 

I always think, think think. Most of the time I like thinking. But the times when the memories come to haunt me I just want to let it stop. And these days you know what I tell myself? Its okay Ursula there are people who do understand you and your off centeredness and you are fine just as you are. You are an individual and meant to be different it is okay and then when I said that I feel okay again and then thinking stopped. So I just think/fixate on a safe place and then all the other thinking stopps.


----------



## CWoods

*HOW????*

How to let it go??? When it just keeps circling in my head over and over, WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP IT EXACTLY? Dumb things I did in high school I still can't forget and get over them. We need answers! Help me by contributing to the research by taking a quick survey! :clap

https://www.psychdata.com/s.asp?SID=153888


----------



## Social Anxiety Institute

Just Tony,

Thank you for a great post. I agree - letting go of the past is a move in the right direction. Letting go of the negative past, realizing that it wasn't our fault, it wasn't even always as we imagined it to be.

For me, social anxiety was/is a lot like post traumatic stress syndrome, in the way that a socially anxious person relives those awful moments again and again. Anyone with social anxiety understands that. A constant rehashing of that negative event which keeps it so alive and vivid and only reinforces the anxiety.

During my therapy, letting go of the negative past was a huge lesson to learn, and learn slowly over time. These lessons do not happen individually in a "one-off" type of manner. I had to do other things before I could get to the point where letting go of the past was possible. I got there only when I had made steps before that, where my mind could start accepting this idea. This is true of so many parts of therapy for SA, I believe. It must be done in an order where things build naturally, not jumping steps before the mind is ready to accept it. And of course, anything with the mind requires that repetition.

This is still something I say to myself quite often, releasing the past, setting it free, allowing that even in the past other people were trying their best, but perhaps they didn't know how to handle things well, which would have affected me. But it was the anxiety, not me. It took a lot of reinforcement of this idea to make it more automatic, more natural for me now to forgive and let go of the past, and certainly not reliving those dreadful anxiety moments.

I do agree with what you linked to here also: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1060234321-post252.html

d3lusionkt is making the point that before letting go, one might have to begin to go rational. This is true for a certain person at a certain point in time. At the beginning of therapy, it might not be possible for a person to go neutral or rational. For that person, just focusing on letting go may be the only thing they can do at that time, and that is fine. Later on, when a person can build upon other therapy lessons and begin to go neutral and really believe that "neutral" or rational, that is when the person can be able to do what d3lusionkt is describing.

You are not responsible for everything that happened in your past. You are not responsible for the anxiety. You are not the anxiety. Other people are not even remembering the past as we would do in the midst of social anxiety. This is a great theme and something to repeat to yourself if you are able.

Thank you again, Just Tony.

-SAI


----------



## LeeW39

Fantastic post and so, so, so true. This is certainly an area I need to think differently in and to think for the present. Thanks for sharing, I sure needed to see this after today at work :thanks


----------



## ineverwipe

Thanks for this. it's a hard thing to ignore. #demons


----------



## marybobary

Youre my hero!!! Everyone should be reminded like this every once in a while!!


----------



## Naminitay

I've been unable to let go of a guy I was infatuated with 2 years ago. My thoughts are constantly bombarded with thoughts of 'What if this happened...?' or 'Maybe we could of....?'. I know now that I'm just destroying myself, I need to let go.


----------



## Kohleye

Wow, thanks OP, simple facts that somehow every overthinker/worrier always seem to forget..

I for some reason have let the past and what has happened there determine who I am right now. It sucks.. :/


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## D0M1N1K

That was deep, man.


----------



## caveman8

CWoods said:


> How to let it go??? When it just keeps circling in my head over and over, WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP IT EXACTLY? Dumb things I did in high school I still can't forget and get over them. We need answers! Help me by contributing to the research by taking a quick survey! :clap
> 
> https://www.psychdata.com/s.asp?SID=153888


Looking for a solution as to how to do it by thinking about it is the wrong approach. There's really nothing to do, other than focusing on whatever you're doing at the time. If you're watching tv, just watch it.

I see a lot of comments that this is hard - but it's not. There's nothing else to do.

Excellent advice.


----------



## Aether17

Thanks for this!


----------



## Hermeticist

Yesss very much true indeed. Being present is what i'm fighting for. It's ridiculous....all this effort to be effortless. Drives me nuts


----------



## Bokk

Great post. It's definitely a major hindrance in my journey to feel good about myself.


----------



## Haven49

thank you...i needed this


----------



## SHELxxx

So so true. I always tend to worry about what people from my past/old friends think about me now. Wondering if they know I have no friends because im pretty sure they'd have found out and will be laughing at me now..ha. Oh well. Focus on the future!


----------



## VanGal

Great advice! Simple but hard to do.


----------



## jcrlo

regrets haunt me. its one of the worst feelings I get. acceptance is really important, i agree. but how do i begin to accept all those missed oportunities that will never come back. If I can believe that the future will be better perhaps i can accept the past as it is without feeling all the torturous regret and self hate. but as i write this I realize that no matter what the future brings, i must accept thing as they are, that is true acceptance. I get so envious of other people who seem to be living the life I wish I were living, i begin to hate myself and them. Especially that person i believe to have fallen in love with, of all the humiliation, rejection, isolation, madness, and distance i still feel the pain. Perhaps, i'm just obsessed. I'm just beginning this journey, today I accept that I have this thing called social anxiety. That in itself is a great step for today.


----------



## jcrlo

letting go isn't easy. i think i get the craziest after those moments where I feel I &^^%ed up in a social situation. I can't let it go, I get ticks, i talk to myself, anxious, insomnia, just going over and over it in my head, criticizing myself, and reliving it. it's horrible. I can go on for days, slowly fading away. Even when it wasn't even such a big deal. Rationalizing doesn't seem to help. I think accepting that this is a process, is a good place to start. that maybe some anxiety is ok. Just living it, feeling it, and listening to my own thoughts, so that I can begin to understand.


----------



## moloko

Great advice. So true and simple yet so hard to follow.


----------



## 2themax

This is so true! i'm struggeling with this for a long time now! i'm going to prachtice this mindset


----------



## olgi

A friend of mine, a philosopher at heart, told me the same thing.

But I think it's one of those things you can say that sounds a lot easier than it actually is. I'd love to be able to forget some things. If not forget, then to stop worrying about them. But I can't. They keep coming back and kicking me in the stomach.

So, that said, I'll be happy if someone writes a comprehensive post on HOW to let go...


----------



## caveman8

olgi said:


> A friend of mine, a philosopher at heart, told me the same thing.
> 
> But I think it's one of those things you can say that sounds a lot easier than it actually is. I'd love to be able to forget some things. If not forget, then to stop worrying about them. But I can't. They keep coming back and kicking me in the stomach.
> 
> So, that said, I'll be happy if someone writes a comprehensive post on HOW to let go...


But that's the catch-22. A "comprehensive" post isn't needed, because it really is easier done than said. Except we think it can't be - the 99 steps to letting go...

There's no "how to" - there's just "do" whatever you're doing.

The only thing I can suggest is read The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. Great book, but don't expect to find a detailed step-by-step treatise.


----------



## chaninxain

It's hard to adopt the "let it go" system when you're more accustomed to a different defense mechanism.

Mine's about forgetting them and if somehow they manage to get back, I close my eyes and imagine myself "teleporting" to a different place or planet. That always gives me comfort.

I know it's not the best cure and only a temporary relief, but I cannot find anything more useful


----------



## wayno

Letting go is pretty hard, I don't think dealing with social anxiety will ever be effortless

Recently, my understanding of some of the factors contributing to my own social anxiety, how they might work and also how those factors might be dealt with has increased markedly after readings on both "lifetraps" and "schema" 
and being introduced to ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

My reading has given me broader scope for productive reflection into the many aspects of what creates the mindset we all share to some degree, and also offering me more alternatives to approach aspects of insight and self awareness, and self management generally

I encourage anyone looking for possible direction to explore here also and take what you need for your journey. That journey can be very very complicated for some of us.

I was quite surprised how well so much about me was made clear to me in so few words. I've been struggling with social anxiety for decades, since early childhood in fact, and with a raft of related issues. I have been confused mostly but now I am starting to get perspective.

Of course incorporating new ways of thinking into my life and changing established patterns will take a lot of effort - lots of sustained effort - and time and patience and a realistic attitude and reasonable expectations but every little improvement will be welcome

And everybody is welcome to get in touch with me anytime too
Keep up the good work, every lil bit helps


----------



## Sweetme

Some times. i just feel like giving up! And never getting out of bed.








*
*


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## olgi

caveman8 said:


> But that's the catch-22. A "comprehensive" post isn't needed, because it really is easier done than said. Except we think it can't be - the 99 steps to letting go...
> 
> There's no "how to" - there's just "do" whatever you're doing.
> 
> The only thing I can suggest is read The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. Great book, but don't expect to find a detailed step-by-step treatise.


I've an analytical mind and I probably over-analyse things. As such, "just do it" is possibly the worst kind of advice you can give me if I don't know the steps to actually do said thing.

And I've this crazy feeling I'm not alone.


----------



## cyl0n4reelz

yeah this was really helpful all of it, even some of the side comments, etc. i juts really needed this right now


----------



## caveman8

olgi said:


> I've an analytical mind and I probably over-analyse things. As such, "just do it" is possibly the worst kind of advice you can give me if I don't know the steps to actually do said thing.
> 
> And I've this crazy feeling I'm not alone.


But there aren't any steps. And accepting that seems to be what is causing the difficulty. There's nothing else to do or try, except to focus on whatever you're doing.

And what if you just stopped striving to feel better...stopped trying to think positive thoughts and be happy...stopped telling yourself it will get better..or conversely stopped telling yourself you're a loser....if you gave that up, how would you feel?

You'd - just be here now. Which is all you can ever be anyway.


----------



## olgi

caveman8 said:


> But there aren't any steps. And accepting that seems to be what is causing the difficulty. There's nothing else to do or try, except to focus on whatever you're doing.
> 
> And what if you just stopped striving to feel better...stopped trying to think positive thoughts and be happy...stopped telling yourself it will get better..or conversely stopped telling yourself you're a loser....if you gave that up, how would you feel?
> 
> You'd - just be here now. Which is all you can ever be anyway.


*sigh*
You ARE right, of course. In the second and third paragraph.

But we (or, in the very least, I) don't have such control over ourselves. There's a voice in my head (it's mine, not to worry). Sometimes I use it to bounce ideas off at work, sometimes I use it to plan a day, sometimes I use it when I'm bored... and sometimes it kicks me in the balls. And while it's "my" voice, it's not one to take commands.

I think this is normal...

If not, I'm schizophrenic. Well, that's a happy thought! I won't be alone any more!


----------



## caveman8

Sigh...if you can't control your thoughts, why do you think some complex step-by-step process that needs you to be constantly on guard to apply can? It's still ultimately you who has to apply that process and control them.

It's more a realization and understanding that your thoughts aren't changing anything here and now, that no matter how much you think, you're still where you are.

Ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish with all this thought. Or even better, what have you ever accomplished with it?

Do some reading on mindfulness.


----------



## olgi

Well, the thing is I already know I'd be far better off NOT worrying. So I don't know what else I could "realize" and "understand".

The problem is... so what? I still worry. :|


----------



## olgi

...this forum could use an edit feature...

I'm sorry, I more sad lately due to a certain event which I feel has knocked my already frail state of mind down a few pegs.

Having more baggage likely doesn't help "letting go".


----------



## caveman8

olgi said:


> Well, the thing is I already know I'd be far better off NOT worrying. So I don't know what else I could "realize" and "understand".
> 
> The problem is... so what? I still worry. :|


But that's not the thing you need to realize, and it's not solely an intellectual realization. You won't realize it by just thinking yourself into that state. Less thinking, not more.


----------



## caveman8

Try the subreddit Mindfulness. There's an interesting post on Frontiers in Neuroscience. One of the findings is that people are not happier when their mind wanders - to even pleasant thoughts - than when they just focus on the task at hand.


----------



## olgi

caveman8 said:


> Less thinking, not more.


Yeah, that why alcohol sometimes helps. :b



caveman8 said:


> One of the findings is that people are not happier when their mind wanders - to even pleasant thoughts - than when they just focus on the task at hand.


That is sort of true I guess - if I have an interesting task at work (which I like, really), I do forget about my worries. I just wish it wasn't always work.


----------



## Ryude

Everyone says it's so easy to do, but I have tried doing this exact thing for over 15 years and I just can't do it. The sad thing is I know what my problem is, I am just unable to solve it.


----------



## creativedissent

Thanks!


----------



## wayno

Ryude said:


> Everyone says it's so easy to do, but I have tried doing this exact thing for over 15 years and I just can't do it. The sad thing is I know what my problem is, I am just unable to solve it.


Hello Ryude
oooh.... I don't think "letting go" was ever easy
even for those not blessed with social anxiety.....

could u send me contact details of the 'everyone' who told you "letting go" was easy?

I'd like to talk to each one of them
I may learn something....

.kind regards
Wayno


----------



## laura12345

this post makes so much sense. thank you! This is definately one of the toughest parts of SA. It is so difficult to stop dwelling and dwelling does no good at all. Just knowing that this is part of SA and that other people experience it helps a great deal.


----------



## Scarlettskkye

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


I like the way you think. The past consumes people. If people would only let go of the past, their lives would be much easier.


----------



## Clockwork Vagabond

It's hard, but true. A lot of problems could be solved if people could let go of the past, stop worrying about the future, and just live in the moment. I myself am guilty as charged, but it doesn't mean we can't change.


----------



## sad cat

Yup... I have my moments of being able to re-evaluate what I was re-evaluating. lol But sometimes all it takes is 1 person to notice my face or how whatever the heck they see and they tell me...and then I snap out of it.. 0_o "MAN! was it really that noticeable!?" 

 Just gotta keep trying to let those thoughts go...


----------



## LotusHeart

just tony said:


> say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is waste your time, and bring back all those horrible feelings you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually present in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap i wish.. This and that couldve gone better.." well what can i say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> something i've been wanting to add to the op.here


amazing tips let it go be present <3 lovely op


----------



## aaronfree

Easier said than done, but im glad so many other people also do this.


----------



## Anonymous Loner

Wow, thanks. You've just magically cured me of my depression and social anxiety.


----------



## stress test

*I agree, Just Let It Go...*

I agree on this one. Just the other day at work a co-worker got all worked up because of a silly mistake and ended up in tears. He went on and on about how the mistake could have been prevented and allowed himself to be pushed from one stage to another. I kept saying "just forget about it" and the more I said it the more it worked. Just let it go and go and talk to a friend right away. :no


----------



## Kalliber

wish it was that simple..


----------



## reese27

I wish it was that easy to let it go but my past still creates stress for me.


----------



## F1X3R

Anonymous Loner said:


> Wow, thanks. You've just magically cured me of my depression and social anxiety.


Yeah, it's a good thing this post was stickied. So many people would have never learned to just let go of their anxiety and depression.


----------



## billybongo

It's true, but thinking about the past is really the only thing I've got. Without it, I'd have nothing. 

I wrap the past around me like a suit of armour. It comforts me and provides me with things to think about, often imagining how things could have been different. And often even fantasising about things that never really happened, as if they are real. 

I don't want to let any of this go, I feel like I need it, it's like cognitive masturbation of the imagination, but it just makes me so sad. I think I like feeling sad, because it's better than feeling nothing. It's like I need my pain.


----------



## billybongo

Oh, and to people who are susceptible to having bouts of this kind of depression triggered, don't watch the film "young adult" starring Charlize Theron. This film, whilst brilliant, was like a yesterday thinking wet dream, that started me off on this trail of thought for the first time since 2009.


----------



## hahaimadeafunny

*tisk tisk*

:boogie:clap:teeth smh..................................


----------



## RecoveredWell

Very true, i've also learned these 2 very powerful words "who cares" and it feels like a big relief in social situations.


----------



## newgame

imo this is really the root cause of all problems, living in the past will also cause problem in the present and it will continue to snowball unless we can just let it go.. and if only it was so easy to do it..


----------



## RoveRanger

I know people like to dismiss it as new age rubbish but the whole mindfulness meditation thing is about this. Staying in the present moment, not thinking about the past or the future does really work and I doubt there is anyone here who has not felt it at some point when for e.g. engrossed in a book, movie or other enjoyable activity.


----------



## Whiteblank

I've come to the same conclusion, but it's really hard to actually let go.
Sometimes, even something that didn't bother me at first, will slip in my mind when I am alone. Then I'll be constantly reminded of it over and over again. Even if I try not to care, the thought replays itself in my head in a constant loop. Sometimes I wonder if I will go crazy from it.
I might try talking to someone about those kinds of thoughts. Having someone else opinion on it might help, they might say it's not as bad as I thought or just help me get over it. But since talking about my feelings is not my thing, it'll take time.

Another trick I used to try, was creating alot of social situations in which I could do something I might regret/dwell on/be embarassed about. Then, I'd have so much to care about, I wouldn't care anymore. Can actually work, but since I tend to evade social situations after awhile it doesn't work on long term.

I think letting go is part of the solution, but it's not something you can suddenly do if someone tells you. I've been told to "get over it" and "just do x" and yet I am still here today. It's not as simple as that. Still a nice reminder.


----------



## Melianne

I love that advice, I wish I could follow it. People can say calm down and chill out all day to me and I can mostly stop the physical signs, unless I start shaking, then all bets are off. However, my mind can't seem to ever give it a rest, it's exhausting  any advice??


----------



## caveman8

RoveRanger said:


> I know people like to dismiss it as new age rubbish but the whole mindfulness meditation thing is about this. Staying in the present moment, not thinking about the past or the future does really work and I doubt there is anyone here who has not felt it at some point when for e.g. engrossed in a book, movie or other enjoyable activity.


I think it's gaining more acceptance. The real rubbishness is the ridiculous amount of time we spend in our heads, thinking about anything and everything except what is right in front of us or what we are doing.


----------



## caveman8

Melianne said:


> I love that advice, I wish I could follow it. People can say calm down and chill out all day to me and I can mostly stop the physical signs, unless I start shaking, then all bets are off. However, my mind can't seem to ever give it a rest, it's exhausting  any advice??


It's kind of a realization I guess, and then just acceptance of that realization, that all that thinking isn't going to change anything. So, why bother with it? Did it change anything last week?

I don't think there are any tricks you can use, or that you can talk yourself into it.


----------



## Wulfgar

I'd like to let go of my past..but no one ELSE is going to forget my past mistakes...So I feel like the only way to REALLY let go of it all is to cut ties with everyone iv ever know...but iv already burned so many bridges already...all I have left are my parents and I really think they've gotten sick of me to the point where they just want me to move out...I have to make a change SOMEHOW though


----------



## dubbelsuk

*But...*

But it's really had when you have inferiority complex and your life really sucked...


----------



## Xixax

Anonymous Loner said:


> Wow, thanks. You've just magically cured me of my depression and social anxiety.


Haha this, totally.

Well OP, what do you do when there's nobody left to talk to and so on, outside of the internet. I'd like to hear someone create a fix for this level of shut in ness :tiptoe


----------



## foe

Just Tony made this thread when he was 16, don't be too critical of his optimism and effort to try to improve himself. I don't think he meant to give an impression that it's _easy_ to let go. It's not. It's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to fix your SAD or depression either. But _letting go_ of the past will make you more comfortable with yourself. And you can slowly move forward from there on. Baby steps!

For the longest time, between 17-28(a good 11 years of my life), I was ashamed of dropping out of high school, which I should be. I used to put down my community college school in job applications and leave the HS section blank. Now I put GED in the HS section. While back I was chatting with a co-worker and she talked about how awful her high school experience was, and when it was my turn I just said mine was awful too and I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. First time ever saying that to a non-family member. Felt really good getting that off my chest. I'm comfortable with that fact now, it was a mistake, I regret it. I can't go back and change my decision. So guess what? I gotta move on.

I still have SAD, still get down every now and then. I've been frustrated all summer long with job hunting, which included me dealing with rejections. But I'm completely gotten past my high school experience.

Next goal is to become comfortable with the fact that I never had a real girlfriend. And being a 31 year-old guy, we all know there's a huge stigma with that. So if my relationship history is brought up in a conversation, I'm gonna be frank and honest about it. Let's see if it'll have the same therapeutic result as the GED one.

Lastly, I'd like to say that by being so honest and open on this site, it has also helped me become more open in real life. My communication skills improved so much because of this. Does SAS help you improve your struggles? I say yes it does.

EDIT AND UPDATE: Read post #536 and #539 for privacy concerns.


----------



## Anonymous Loner

Xixax said:


> Haha this, totally.
> 
> Well OP, what do you do when there's nobody left to talk to and so on, outside of the internet. I'd like to hear someone create a fix for this level of shut in ness :tiptoe


Aye, have to agree with that. And what do you do when your social anxiety is so crippling that you can't even walk normally? Which only causes more stares from others, thus creating worse, and therefore causing an endless cycle of feeling judged and not being able to work normally. Which itself causes me to feel weird, which only worsens it, creates more problems, and causes the cycle to never end.


----------



## housebunny

Anonymous Loner said:


> ...And what do you do when your social anxiety is so crippling that you can't even walk normally?


I experience this, too. I hate that.


----------



## Anonymous Loner

housebunny said:


> I experience this, too. I hate that.


I despise that on so many levels. And then I attempt to walk normally, but as long as I'm in public and there are people around I fail no matter how much I try to. And then people stare at me like I'm from another planet which doesn't help. I'm able to walk normally at home or anywhere where there isn't people or the only people around are ones I'm close with.


----------



## TheAceInTheHole

I try to let it go. But idk. It's easier said than done.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

As I get older, I realize that letting go is the key to happiness.


----------



## rain2000

So true...


----------



## lightlizzie

Thank you  I will try to let it go


----------



## notgettingbywannadie

:yes :yes :yes I apply this to life starting now.


----------



## biko

A physician at a research seminar once told me that if something that bothers you now is not going to bother you 2 years from now, then let it go. He let go of about 90% of his stresses everyday this way.


----------



## Clinpsych

Sorry to butt in, I'm an English psychologist, and I've been trying out a technique called attention training that someone has put on YouTube and lots of people I've worked with have found it helpful in letting go of negative thoughts.






Hope it might be helpful for someone. Meant to listen once or twice a day for 3weeks.


----------



## Abedsgirl01

biko said:


> A physician at a research seminar once told me that if something that bothers you now is not going to bother you 2 years from now, then let it go. He let go of about 90% of his stresses everyday this way.


This is good! I'm going to try to remember this when life's little stresses and irritations inevitably appear.


----------



## usafuturesoldier4000

this is a great point. the more i think of the past isnt helping me at all with the future.


----------



## mrextremewolf

Thankyou for this il watch it now


----------



## fairy12

I agree with OP. Also, when something "bad" happens, either replace it with a positive thought or just wipe out the negative thought as quickly as possible. Laugh in your mind about it. Make it LESS IMPORTANT to you. What matters is what YOU think, not what anyone else thinks. If it doesn't matter to you, it won't matter to anyone else. After all, you're the only one with the keys to your mind.


----------



## fairy12

foe said:


> Just Tony made this thread when he was 16, don't be too critical of his optimism and effort to try to improve himself. I don't think he meant to give an impression that it's _easy_ to let go. It's not. It's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to fix your SAD or depression either. But _letting go_ of the past will make you more comfortable with yourself. And you can slowly move forward from there on. Baby steps!
> 
> For the longest time, between 17-28(a good 11 years of my life), I was ashamed of dropping out of high school, which I should be. I used to put down my community college school in job applications and leave the HS section blank. Now I put GED in the HS section. While back I was chatting with a co-worker and she talked about how awful her high school experience was, and when it was my turn I just said mine was awful too and I ended up dropping out and getting a GED. First time ever saying that to a non-family member. Felt really good getting that off my chest. I'm comfortable with that fact now, it was a mistake, I regret it. I can't go back and change my decision. So guess what? I gotta move on.
> 
> I still have SAD, still get down every now and then. I've been frustrated all summer long with job hunting, which included me dealing with rejections. But I'm completely gotten past my high school experience.
> 
> Next goal is to become comfortable with the fact that I never had a real girlfriend. And being a 31 year-old guy, we all know there's a huge stigma with that. So if my relationship history is brought up in a conversation, I'm gonna be frank and honest about it. Let's see if it'll have the same therapeutic result as the GED one.
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to say that by being so honest and open on this site, it has also helped me become more open in real life. My communication skills improved so much because of this. Does SAS help you improve your struggles? I say yes it does.


I told some guy my vulnerability about dating and he took complete advantage of me. It's a long story, and a terrible one, but because I was the one with the vulnerability, I was the one who was "at fault." Even to this day, *I'm afraid he will come back and rub in my face what mean things he did to me.* He used me to get a *power trip/ego trip*. I can't stop obsessing over the fact that this guy knows how to control me. Even though I haven't seen him for 4 years, I'm still afraid he has the upper hand. Mentally, I'm under his thumb. I don't know how to let this go and stop feeling like someone else controls me. I feel like he has power over me


----------



## WishIWasNormal

Great thread but it's asier said than done.


----------



## hdth

let it go, yet learn from it.


----------



## foe

amazingj said:


> I told some guy my vulnerability about dating and he took complete advantage of me. It's a long story, and a terrible one, but because I was the one with the vulnerability, I was the one who was "at fault." Even to this day, *I'm afraid he will come back and rub in my face what mean things he did to me.* He used me to get a *power trip/ego trip*. I can't stop obsessing over the fact that this guy knows how to control me. Even though I haven't seen him for 4 years, I'm still afraid he has the upper hand. Mentally, I'm under his thumb. I don't know how to let this go and stop feeling like someone else controls me. I feel like he has power over me


For this matter, gender definitely plays a role. For men like myself who has little to zero relationship experience, it's more of a social/status stigma. Whereas for women, it may lead to vulnerability as you mention. I definitely don't want encourage people to open about their private personal struggles, you might be taken advantage of for it.

Privacy is extremely important. I guess I should have added that you should be aware of which subjects to open up about and which subjects should be kept private. The examples I gave for my own experience weren't subjects I would consider too personal so that why I'd be OK to open up about them.


----------



## bluecologne

Thanks..needed this.


----------



## Coastal

Good post. I always skip over the stickies, but I needed to read this one today. I hope it helps. Thanks.


----------



## kermitthehermit

truth.


----------



## bybetty

*Anxiety*

Get a pet; watch a few episodes of Kung Fu or the movie "I AM". 

Maybe what is going to happen has already happened and to think you can control it is you trying to be more significant than what really bothers you.

Anxiety is fear. Fear is not knowing. Not knowing is denial.


----------



## formula rossa

The problem is, our present is the consequence of our past. If I had made better decisions in my past, I would have been in a much better state right now. 

Everyday in my present life reminds me of my ***** ups from the past. And it kills me.


----------



## Pike Queen

I have to tell myself this everyday. But there's this one incident in eighth grade where a guy on my bus said to me "Yo, you're *****in' ugly." Yeah, I'm twenty and still haven't let that go. :/ *facepalm*


----------



## matahari

just moved in to a new place. miss the old place so much in the beginning, 

finally learned how to let go something and move on. 

things are getting better. it only gets better. thank you for the 'let go' subject. 

it just suits well to the topic.


----------



## Lonelyguy111

*Yes !!! Dwelling on the Past*

Thanks soooooo much for pointing this out and clarifying it. 
I am an older man with a lifetime of failures behind me much of it due to extreme, pathological social anxiety and I am dealing with a ruined life and the past torments me every day.

I think I had done that for many years; dwelling on past mistakes and being chronically alone instead of changing. I have been reading a lot on avoidance personality disorder and social anxiety and indulging in fantasy is a big problem and with me that includes thinking and dwelling on past painful memories. Thanks again for bring this up.

Chuck


----------



## Lonelyguy111

*Present is a Result of the Past - Hard to Deal With*



formula rossa said:


> The problem is, our present is the consequence of our past. If I had made better decisions in my past, I would have been in a much better state right now.
> 
> Everyday in my present life reminds me of my ***** ups from the past. And it kills me.


That is a good point too. For myself, I gave up the hope of any change because each present moment was a result of my past and I had made so many mistakes that I gave up trying because my life was such a mess. Your present haunts you and you are still living the consequences of your past mistakes. VERY hard to break out of the past. You feel like a prisoner of it and you can't get out.


----------



## smile321

This opening post reminded me of some Eckhart Tolle youtube vids I've watched. He has some very good info when it comes to detaching yourself from thoughts. He talks about how thoughts will come no matter what. People think they are thinking, but we really aren't. All we really do is either let the thought pass by without investigating it or we latch onto the thought and immerse ourselves in it. We tend to immerse ourselves in thoughts that may have caused us some frustration because those are the ones that stand out to us and get a reaction from us. 

I've tried open eye meditation to help calm down my mind and pull me out of examining my thoughts too much. I started to notice all of those background noises that I had tuned out before. It's quite peaceful.


----------



## Justlittleme

I am stubborn, it will take effort. =|


----------



## Justlittleme

Pike Queen said:


> I have to tell myself this everyday. But there's this one incident in eighth grade where a guy on my bus said to me "Yo, you're *****in' ugly." Yeah, I'm twenty and still haven't let that go. :/ *facepalm*


I am 20, and you don't look ugly to me. Stranger to stranger you seem good. Don't let these guys calling you ugly get away with it.


----------



## Justlittleme

Lonelyguy111 said:


> Thanks soooooo much for pointing this out and clarifying it.
> I am an older man with a lifetime of failures behind me much of it due to extreme, pathological social anxiety and I am dealing with a ruined life and the past torments me every day.
> 
> I think I had done that for many years; dwelling on past mistakes and being chronically alone instead of changing. I have been reading a lot on avoidance personality disorder and social anxiety and indulging in fantasy is a big problem and with me that includes thinking and dwelling on past painful memories. Thanks again for bring this up.
> 
> Chuck


I am young but feel the same. I hope you feel better and work on your SA lonely guy.

From: lonely girl.


----------



## Lonelyguy111

Justlittleme said:


> I am young but feel the same. I hope you feel better and work on your SA lonely guy.
> 
> From: lonely girl.


Thank you !
I think I am finally realizing that it WILL take effort and consistent good habits.
I gave up on myself years ago.

Thanks for the comment.

Chuck


----------



## remedine724

this my problem right now.. even if im with my boyfriend..instead of being sweet and happy, i always get scared of the people around me..


----------



## Fil

*Very true, just discovered a way that helps to live in the here and now*

Hi

Just wanted to share that I recently found mindfulness. All about being here and now. It is the first thing I have found in 37 years that actually seems to work for me though it can be difficult sometimes. I have truly discovered that the times I manage to live here and now I am the happiest person on the planet, and in essence all we have is here and now. The mindfulness meditation is a really helpful tool to getting me away from my brain and emotions and into living now.


----------



## nothing else

For me it's not so much dwelling on mistakes in the past. It's just being a consistent social loser that really has not changed much. And probably won't

:/


----------



## TheAceInTheHole

Just let it go you say?



But it's soooo haaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd... :l


----------



## rosie701

This really helped a loooot and I want to thank you for your good advice.


----------



## pvoss88

*Ahhhhhhhhhh*

I really wish that I could let go of my anxieties. Anybody with any words of wisdom?


----------



## jennywren123

Pike Queen said:


> I have to tell myself this everyday. But there's this one incident in eighth grade where a guy on my bus said to me "Yo, you're *****in' ugly." Yeah, I'm twenty and still haven't let that go. :/ *facepalm*


I'm glad to hear someone else has incidents like this, someone in high school told me I was ugly within other things and that has stuck. My sister told me that with my brains at least I could get a good job and get some plastic surgery......that's stuck. (my sister is nearly 11 years older than me she's not a kid)


----------



## eris and dysnomia

I must not be held hostage by emotions, mine or otherwise. Repeat - _I must not be held hostage by emotions, mine or otherwise. _


----------



## matahari

eris and dysnomia said:


> I must not be held hostage by emotions, mine or otherwise. Repeat - _I must not be held hostage by emotions, mine or otherwise. _


well said, everyday when i wake up ill add on the above with mine. 
Everyday in every way i shall get better and better... what has happened, has happened for a reason or another, *move on* & *let go* and make the best of the day - today.


----------



## ManicXenophobe

I can typically discard past happening, though not entirely, as they occasionally expropriate my thought processes.
It is not the past i have to let go of, it is the future.
I often extrapolate future scenarios. My mind becomes clouded by them, and my focus is wholly absorbed in the intricacies of these fantasies. 
Also, i tend to focus on myself, the certain traits i possess, how i react to specific situations, my emotional status, etc. It is, i think, a preoccupation with introspection that most commands my mental state, clouds my mind, and separates me from people. (Ironic- i used introspective techniques to derive this.)


----------



## Caterpillar13

True thanks


----------



## PunishedSnake

I dwell in the past because i have no future.


----------



## flight

I wish I could, I wish I could, I wish I could!


----------



## Monamutt

Thanks kid .. this IS the best post I've ever read!


----------



## whimmie

It used to be drinking but now it's rigorous exercise, meditation


----------



## deep215

Hello Friends, I am 34 year old from India, I have been taking Medicines for Anxiety Disorder & Depression & OCD, I am taking clonazepam 1.5 mg in night, fluvoxamine(50+100)150 mg ,venlor XR (75+75)150 mg for many years around 10. In last few months Doctor is working on taper off my clonazepam dosage, in last 4 months he has reduced my dosage from 1.5 to 1 mg, now the days I am feeling very strange, day by day my symptoms are changing ,even the symptoms are varying in a day, sometimes I feel jumpingness in one leg ,sometimes I feel sad, constipation has become a big trouble for me, Gastric(Bloating ) problem makes the condition more worst it makes me restless, some time I feel less confident in actual I am very confused what factor is causing what, like I keep thinking what is causing trouble in my stomach, sometime my BP goes to 140/100,is it general or associated with my anxiety problem, I am not able to understand I was better 6 months before or now, I am totally speechless, I feel lack of concentration while watching TV, can’t read newspaper with concentration, not able to maintained eye contact with other person some time, tongue is slipping while talking, mouth is getting watery ( Bitter taste ) do not know it is associated with anxiety or something else, here in India I think doctors do not give so much time to counsel, friends kindly help me out is it a temporary phase ,What is happening with me ?


----------



## lwubbels04

I hate the pressure of being around people who don't have SA. I can tell they think I'm really odd and all I can do is think about how uncomfortable I am.


----------



## Ren626

The past has caused a lot of my current fears. Letting go can be really hard. Gotta work on it.


----------



## IMSOCLOSETOEDGE

This is so true. The thing is you dont have to let past affect you and i have pretty dark past but i choose to live in present and forgive people who have done bad things in my past.


----------



## Monamutt

Just want you to know this post has been so important to me .. its helped me immensely .. thank you again for posting this.


----------



## Edwolf

thanks, this helped me a little


----------



## SunshineSam218

I tend to dwell on my past sometimes cause I have a hard time dealing with things. Sometimes I wish I could rewind time and do it all over again. I have a hard time of letting go of things and I'm planning on working on letting go of the past. Cause the past, needs to stay in the past.


----------



## oku

I wish I count time travel so I can punch my younger self really hard in the face.


----------



## Betle1988

This is all true, thinking about your regrets in the past are waste of time. But on those regrets, you learned a lesson. Mistakes are meant to be a lesson, not failures. Just focus on present. Nice post +1 and thanks!


----------



## SaladDays

Let it go? Are you sure about this =O?


----------



## ineverwipe

I think I've posted in this thread before a while ago but thanks again. I needed this today. I can't seem to let my past go. I keep dwelling on it all the time. But you're right, it doesn't do any good for anyone to beat myself up about it.

Anyways I'm glad this post is still alive. Thanks


----------



## Onder

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


So true Tony,

I think the sad thing with most of us (And I blame our nature for this ) is that we seem to want to do things the hard way.

We have to go through the pain, the rejection, the failures and the humiliation in order to finally make that breakthrough where we realise that we are enough and that if were to just let go of it, things would be better in an instant.

Yet we tend to walk around in our day to day lives with all of this mental baggage on our shoulders, believing that it's what we deserve when what we could have done is simply let go of it and move on.

There's a really awesome youtube video I saw recently by Alan Watts who talks about the Fear of Enlightenment. Very deep and spiritual but makes complete sense. I've added the video below...


----------



## SunshineSam218

I wish I could stop thinking about the abuse that my ex boyfriend put me through. It still continues to haunt me still... all the fights, all the name calling, the times where I felt worthless, how he treated like a sex object. I just want to let it go.


----------



## Thedood

BlueWeepingRose said:


> I wish I could stop thinking about the abuse that my ex boyfriend put me through. It still continues to haunt me still... all the fights, all the name calling, the times where I felt worthless, how he treated like a sex object. I just want to let it go.


That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that. 

Hopefully you'll be able to put that behind you one day.


----------



## brent99

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Buddha

Let it go. Let it all go.


----------



## Hermiter

You just gotta let it go thats all


----------



## fictionz

Let go. Be free.


----------



## bubblyboy

This kind of thing has actually gotten bad for me... Whenever some weird thing from the past comes back up, I tend to say something out loud or hum a melody to forget about it. It's a very weird habit now.


----------



## InvisiblePoet

I struggle the most with this, I try so hard to just forget my past and what happened just kinda shows itself in the worst way. I plan to maybe try and write some poetry the next time it hits. Would make some good and powerful poetry I think.


----------



## silentmusician18

I understand you fully. i dont know if anyone gets this but this is what happens...

as usual i have too much time to think. ill be kinda down anyway...then ill think of an event or something someone close said that hurt me, and then i think about it i go into a complete depressive state for the rest of the day. its uncontrollable, anyone else get that?


----------



## burgerchuckie

Very well said mate :clap


----------



## WastedTime

Reminds me of this


----------



## EddieDee

I always let things go. When people yell at me or give me a attitude, I simply smile and ignore them. I have never fought and argued and I am 27. I avoid those. What do you gain by fighting and arguing? If you avoid those, it makes you a better person and smarter. A person like this, are more stronger.


----------



## Andrew90

I sweat all the small things and make them bigger than they are. Gotta try to let go.


----------



## Kraken

WastedTime said:


> Reminds me of this


I thought this thread was inspired by that song at first, then I saw the date!  Fits the theme of this thread very well.

I personally prefer the film version of the song, which is here:


----------



## hobsh

great post and as you said let it go, and don't think a lot. less thinking, more happiness


----------



## Lish3rs

Move forward, start a "new beginning", and don't sweat the small stuff.


----------



## skapunk

*screwed*

I like your point about letting it go. The only way I can stop it is to put a bullet through my brain. which I wont. Its so hard to think about the here and now. Especially when your a royal **** up and haven't even succeded one bit in 29 years. I mean Christ, my friends who haven't done anything look more stable than me with so many jobs school relationships, moves, n all complete failures everyone knows it, your family has a perso who calls you on it, now yo have to step up to this person and now I look crazy and the guy avoids me. People left and right messing with me, so I scare them back lashing out then I feel guilty later. Constant rapid negative thoughts and feelings holy crap this sucks a** I stew in my misery. And no drug is good enough to keep me high. Damn nearly have to O.D. to crack a smile and say whats up


----------



## Cadoc

I just realized ive been living in the past and worrying about the future for so...so long. God I wish I was more like my brother, living in the moment. Its true though that eventually you need to let go of all that weight and move forward in life.

Cant change what happened, but I learned of another opportunity that might just make up for it and then some


----------



## MentalWreck

Good post. It's hard to let go. There are less than a Hand full of times I can remember living in the moment and these were some of the best moments in my life. Thanks for the post.


----------



## MentalWreck

skapunk said:


> I like your point about letting it go. The only way I can stop it is to put a bullet through my brain. which I wont. Its so hard to think about the here and now. Especially when your a royal **** up and haven't even succeded one bit in 29 years. I mean Christ, my friends who haven't done anything look more stable than me with so many jobs school relationships, moves, n all complete failures everyone knows it, your family has a perso who calls you on it, now yo have to step up to this person and now I look crazy and the guy avoids me. People left and right messing with me, so I scare them back lashing out then I feel guilty later. Constant rapid negative thoughts and feelings holy crap this sucks a** I stew in my misery. And no drug is good enough to keep me high. Damn nearly have to O.D. to crack a smile and say whats up


This may sound cheesy but failures are what make people. It's not about the failure it's about bouncing back stronger than before. You are in this world for a reason. It maybe hard right now but you have to keep fighting and living. Don't give up, ever.


----------



## CharmedOne

I have to keeping reminding myself of this because my constant overthinking things rarely results in solutions or positive changes. More often, it just wrecks my mood and causes me to doubt myself, so I end up withdrawing further and stop trying. It's hard to change my mindset and not perseverate on problems. I need to find ways to distract myself, change my focus, and calm my mind.


----------



## minecrafter

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


amazing true words thank you


----------



## DawnSkip

Before I even realized I had social anxiety and fixated on things from my past, my favourite phrase to repeat over and over before I did something that caused me anxiety was, "Whatever happens, happens" 
It's been so helpful to me that I've gotten a tattoo with those words on my hip to remind me.

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2yxqik6&s=5#.Uua2msj4DX4

Weird, I know haha


----------



## MEC

This happens all the time (thinking of the past that is). Someone will be talking and I can hear that they're talking but my mind is thinking of other things. If they ask me something I'm often have to get them to repeat the question. I even do this when someone at work is trying to show me something new and so I have to ask how to do something a number of times because I can't seem to completely pay attention to what they are saying. Not quite sure what to do about this.


----------



## mayratav1948

This is one of my biggest issues. There are things I did when I was eight that still bother me to this very day. Why? Because I can't let things go. I hold all my mistakes and embarrassing moments over my own head for years, and years, and years. And every time they pop into my head, I get the same sick feeling of shame that I did when they happened. Again, because I can't let things go.

Good advice. But oh so difficult to put into practice. *sighs*


----------



## agape1

This is a great post!! I know I have wasted way too much time dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. Our biggest problem is that we over think everything! There is a reason why God calls himself the great "I Am". He doesn't call himself the great "I was" or "will be". He lives in the present moment and wants us to as well. We can't change the past and worrying isn't going to change our future, but I think trusting God and living in the present is the key to overcoming SA. I have recently been doing a lot of studying on the mind lately, and I have learned that I am in control of my own mind! It doesn't happen over night, and it takes practice to retrain your mind to think positively, but I have made tremendous progress with my SA over this past month just by choosing to let things go and not over analyzing every single thing in my life. And also by replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts and truths from the Bible. God Bless!


----------



## londonguy202

Good advice but so hard to let go


----------



## Jinkla

I did something stupid the other week and I was kicking myself over it for days. I need to stop dwelling on this trivial crap and just let me be my stupid self. Thanks, Tony!


----------



## AlbertaBlues

The big thing for me was Choosing (and yes I put emphasis on choosing) to start doing drugs when I was 13 to be the black sheep in a family with my dad and step wife. It seemed to be the ultimate form of revenge to destroy his only child. 8 years now addicted to drugs and any sort of social skill is completely shot. I spent so many years breaking myself down and never thought id live to see the day where I need to repair my life. Which is one of my biggest regrets in life. I wish I wouldve devoted my life to becoming better than my parents. 

Also the other thing is ruining the relationship of the only girl who has ever told me she loved me. Or even tooken notice to me. Bad things happened and after 2 years of being together she left me. Its been almost 2 years and I still miss her everyday.


----------



## camilo borja

InvisiblePoet said:


> I struggle the most with this, I try so hard to just forget my past and what happened just kinda shows itself in the worst way. I plan to maybe try and write some poetry the next time it hits. Would make some good and powerful poetry I think.


good plan


----------



## camilo borja

EddieDee said:


> I always let things go. When people yell at me or give me a attitude, I simply smile and ignore them. I have never fought and argued and I am 27. I avoid those. What do you gain by fighting and arguing? If you avoid those, it makes you a better person and smarter. A person like this, are more stronger.


same here man. when someone scolds me i just ignore them. but i don't want to ignore them. i think its just my SA controlling me.


----------



## Justin1110GA

I tell myself to let it go but i think to truly let something go is that for one, accept that it happened and then meditate on it numerous times ( it may take weeks) but eventually it shouldnt matter anymore.


----------



## whirlpools

A friend of my boyfriend's said my lack of talking was disturbing. I wish I could talk openly in social situations but I can never think of anything to say, and if I can, I always think it'll sound weird so I sit there in silence. Which just appears odd to others. I really want to get over this.


----------



## imm0rtAl

The problem is not being in the moment, thus not living. We are always thinking either about the past, or the future, but never actually about what's happening around us now, feeling the present. In fact very few people do. What do you want now?


----------



## imabean

It's really that simple.  Thank you for this post!


----------



## MarieB

The fear of being judged negatively is huge. 5 lovely compliments in a row can be undone in a second with one upturned eyebrow.


----------



## Steppingwolf

This gets hard to do sometimes, but it's worth encouraging people to do so. It does work, not all the time, but it does.


----------



## mattmc

MarieB said:


> The fear of being judged negatively is huge. 5 lovely compliments in a row can be undone in a second with one upturned eyebrow.


You're so right. Even something as ambiguous as an upturned eyebrow can decimate your confidence and the feeling that people could like you.


----------



## caveman8

amazingj said:


> I agree with OP. Also, when something "bad" happens, either replace it with a positive thought or just wipe out the negative thought as quickly as possible. Laugh in your mind about it. Make it LESS IMPORTANT to you. What matters is what YOU think, not what anyone else thinks. If it doesn't matter to you, it won't matter to anyone else. After all, you're the only one with the keys to your mind.


I don't think that's what it means. It's not a technique to replace the bad with the good. If you use it in that manner, it will fail. Because now you're trying to control it. It's not a technique to replace bad things/thoughts with good ones.

If something bad happens to you, someone says something mean to you, that's where you are in that moment. To just ignore it is wrong, if you are upset by it. If you're upset, be upset. But don't just ignore it and pretend everything is fine if you aren't feeling that way in that moment. If it's 3 days later and you're still mulling over it, decide how to deal with it if there's a way, or if not, move on.


----------



## caveman8

imm0rtAl said:


> The problem is not being in the moment, thus not living. We are always thinking either about the past, or the future, but never actually about what's happening around us now, feeling the present. In fact very few people do. What do you want now?


Exactly.


----------



## incel

*response2u*

Too bad this doesn´t work on trauma. One can´t "think away" being repeatedly raped as a toddler. It´s in the past, yes, but the way you experience your body is forever altered with persistent feelings of shame and self-disgust. Women sense this and will never sleep with you. They just take pity on you which makes you feel even worse. I grind my teeth almost everyday wishing I could kill my rapist. I will never have that pleasure so I cry like the emasculated freak baby I am.


----------



## oneistheloneliest

I can completely relate to a lot of people on this post. I know I've been obsessive about many parts of my past-relationships, families, lost opportunities-and I wish so much to rid myself of this baggage. How does one start the path? It's almost like recovery where instead of a drug, it's a cycle of obsessive ideas.


----------



## mellowyellow321

One of the hardest obstacles with respect to SA. I battle this daily as well. It is a constant battle, and I try to learn new mechanisms to cope and move forward. 

Meditation helps and I tell myself that as a human, we are designed to make mistakes.


----------



## hoosierguy

I keep screwing up- that is the problem. I MUST learn from my mistakes because I am almost thirty and middle age is fast approaching.


----------



## ConflictedOne

It´s true when you´re depressed you regret the past alot and that makes you lose hope of future,when that happens you stop caring about the present and when you struggle to get out of that cycle you start thinking how messed up your life is because you stopped seeking a future and those feeligs of failure and regret bring you down again and when you know it you cant get out of the cycle.But ofcourse this can only be solved by once and for all start living the present and thinking about the future,admit what you did wrong and move on learn from your mistakes and start NOW! that´s what i try to do everyday start fresh!


----------



## overcomin

thank you, that is really awesome!


----------



## Don05

Your word are very inspiring. When we live in the past we become depressed. When live in the future we become anxious. Living in the present can be hard but is very important.


----------



## Taplow

The problem is that despite my intentions, I just can't "let it go". I'd love to, I'd be free, but no, I'm trapped by my past because I am my past I've tried to drop what's happened before and I've told myself that the future will take care of itself, but I don't really believe it. Whether I'm living in the past, the present or the future, it doesn't matter, as it's always the same anxious person looking out.


----------



## amy94

i try to let go every day :/ constant struggle


----------



## lifeimpossible123

Frozen


----------



## Lonelyfalcon

ConflictedOne said:


> It´s true when you´re depressed you regret the past alot and that makes you lose hope of future,when that happens you stop caring about the present and when you struggle to get out of that cycle you start thinking how messed up your life is because you stopped seeking a future and those feeligs of failure and regret bring you down again and when you know it you cant get out of the cycle.But ofcourse this can only be solved by once and for all start living the present and thinking about the future,admit what you did wrong and move on learn from your mistakes and start NOW! that´s what i try to do everyday start fresh!


That is so true. I've been in that cycle trying to get out but you get blinded of the past so you can't see the present. One thing leads to the other and I lost hope for the future so I had suicidal thoughts(don't worry I am still here).

I'll try your method of having a fresh start everyday, it might change my mindset of things. Though I'll have to add I am very lazy or scared of testing new things. :roll


----------



## digitalbath

lifeimpossible123 said:


> Frozen


This sticky is forever ruined for me.


----------



## lifeimpossible123

Lol :d


----------



## SideSync

Good post.But it's not so easy just to forget all the negative minds.It just comes automatically sometimes and its really hard to overcome it.Sometimes I am completely SA free and sometimes (most of the time) I'm social anxious and I don't know how the f*** get rid of it.


----------



## Kalliber

i thought you guys were singing frozen, i bought my wig and everything..
*scoots*


----------



## Gerry789

Great post, thanks. Trying to be a little stronger even on my weakest days. Letting go helps.


----------



## Anxiousbro

Sedona Method


----------



## RyannJ

Letting go is harder than anyone thought,but it's necessary to move on. We can't deny the fact that from time to time we'll reminisce our past but the good thing there if we let it go already,moving forward isn't that hard to do.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker

Repeat, yes?


----------



## RebuiltByHumans

Sigh... the thread title annoys me now... :roll


----------



## aquariusrising

The song just goes in my head. I can't stand it or the movie...
Hope it looses the appeal really soon..


----------



## RebuiltByHumans

aquariusrising said:


> The song just goes in my head. I can't stand it or the movie...
> Hope it looses the appeal really soon..


Agreed - a horrible movie, extremely disappointing.


----------



## brothersport

Great advice, this something that is very hard to do, but we all must work on it. 90% of the time I am in social situations I am thinking about negative things that have already happen. 'Let it go', I shall work in it.


----------



## Secretly Pretentious

Did not read. Too busy singing.


----------



## SmartCar

Secretly Pretentious said:


> Did not read. Too busy singing.


OMG:lol..I was just about to post that yo':yes.."Let it go" "Let it go" "Can't Hold it Back Anymore..Let it go"


----------



## maryseouellet

i so f***** hate this social anxiety, i think i will go mad


----------



## Saius

Swagger91 said:


> This is so true. I'm constantly thinking about all opportunities I've missed over the past few years. Regret is one of the worst feelings ever, and yet it's SO pointless. *I'm wasting all my time thinking about all the time I've already wasted.* It's ridiculous!


This is what I do... all day long. Thinking about past and future are all that I do. I think back as far as I can remember and as far into the future as I can fathom. I usually don't even pay attention to what I am doing because I'm lost in thought and then miss out on even more opportunities. :blank:


----------



## Saius

Before I do anything where person-to-person contact can occur, before I can stop it, my brain is already thinking of every possible situation in detail of what could happen. Usually I find a scenario that I like, and then I get disappointed when nothing happens, or something could happen and I am too awkward or stupid to realize something is going on. 

Girls flirt with me all the time when I go into stores. I rarely give them the time of day even though I am actively looking for a relationship. I don't know why I do this. It's like my brain doesn't even realize that anything is going on until I remember it later. sometimes my friends point it out to me (when my friends actually hang out with me).


----------



## the patient

let it go, you say?

hm. if only the words could easily be put into action.


----------



## juvy

I truly agree just let go of the past. As one of the saying " You will never achieve what you are capable of if you’re too attached to things you’re supposed to let go of".


----------



## Tomyx

Okay, Frozen no longer exists. Alright? Walt Disney just unfroze his own head, willed his body back into existence, emerged from his grave in the depths of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride like so much Pirate Jesus, murdered his kids and everyone else relying on Pixar to pump out their dog **** for his company, and then erased the last 14 years of horrible CGI crap. The deed is done. Life moves on.


----------



## YikesGirl

I love this post, thanks OP! I came across a statement today oine that I also really liked & think lends itself well to this thread.... Focus on being interested rather than interesting ... I personally like this thinking 😊


----------



## jeanny

It's hard/impossible to let go when every minute of the present reminds you of past mistakes.


----------



## FloridaGuy48

I know that Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. But I cant stop it just keeps repeating in my head and I cant shut it off. I keep thinking about stupid decisions I have made in the past and how my life would be different if I had just changed that one decision. It will drive you crazy. I am in my mid 30's now and wish more than anything I could go back and start again at 18 or even earlier. I just did not have the social skills to function at that time. Never dated in high school or played sports. no friends. I was bullied very badly in school as well. I keep thinking that if I had simply stood up for myself my life would be so much better now or if I had the courage to ask women out I sure would have been a lot more successful in that area. They seem to be just wasted years for me. Any advice?


----------



## bakari0981

so true it can be addiction to dwell on the negativity and miss out on the only present moments we will experience


----------



## ASadSummer

I wish it were this simple but i love the post, it is so very true. My problem is I am so mad at everyone all the time that it has turned into almost hate for the human race. It is hard to let it go when I feel like people are going to keep hurting me no matter who they are. 

But i am always lost in thought in my head which I am sure doesnt help me when I am at school. Ive been told before I look intimidating or unapproachable which i could never imagine because I am a little 5"5 125 blonde girl but apparently i scare people/ push people away before they even talk to me. I imagine I look like a pissed off little statue but inside my head its a party. IM thinking of a million things lol


----------



## Triptune

I had those thoughts last night and I just started to breathe haha.. All I wanted my mind to think was 'Breathe in, now out, in, out, in out' and after a minute or ten I could focus on the rain on the rooftop without a dwelling mind. I felt awkward doing it (even though I was alone in my bedroom) but I feel asleep quicker than ever


----------



## catcharay

I had a cringe-worthy moment n im still embarassed that its still festering and flustering inside me. 
After watchin the movies i entered into a one on one confrontation w these girls. Wish my bf was here. He is much better at exptessing his anger.
these young teens were muttering stuff like we were cramping their space cos they were behind us. So i turned and said. Excuse me dont be rude we didnt know u were behind us.

they keep muttering stupid sh.it.
I said insolent girls. Fcuk off. 
It was bad but i aggravated the situation by walking 
away turning my back towards them and showing my middle finger

when i returned whilst passing them the main girl calls me the c word. She gets up asking why i did that and i told her why. Im thinking girl u know why. She wants to continue the interrogation n verbal insults. So i cut her off saying no i dont really want to see ur face anymore and started walkin away and as i did i heard.. oh u dont want to see my face youll see my 
fist soon..that was kind of funny..and i felt a chip being thrown at me..ahhhhhh why are kids so rude to their elders.
Now im calming myself down w music n letting this go . My sister encountered something similar at these cinemas so it must be common behaviour in these neck of the woods. Breathe n let it go. Theyre just kids n i forgive them.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## LittleMerlin

the patient said:


> let it go, you say?
> 
> hm. if only the words could easily be put into action.


Yeah....

I actually don't care anymore so much about some events from the past. I'm just glad it's over and finally I have peace of mind. What's concerning me that this wretched past seems to shaped me into who I am now. Trying to chanage isn't easy when I see that the past likes to repeat itself, even when I think about the future. Because of my own shortsightedness, mistakes and other people's not so nice attitudes (which doesn't help). Some say people do change but idk if that's really true.


----------



## witheringsanity

What if your problem IS the present? Cause yeah I worry about my past but my present is worse


----------



## Jack365

I love this...thank you for re-posting makes me feel a whole hell of a lot better.


----------



## caveman8

witheringsanity said:


> What if your problem IS the present? Cause yeah I worry about my past but my present is worse


Then you deal with it best you can. Letting go does not mean ignoring problems and letting others walk over you.


----------



## LivetoRead

This is so much a problem I have too. I lie in bed and think about what I did or said and can't sleep and then I wake up and it's the first thing I do worry and fret about it. If there's something I said to someone and I think they are upset it can go on for days until it gets farther into the past. Thanks for the suggestion I will work on it.


----------



## Peterg73

the patient said:


> let it go, you say?
> 
> hm. if only the words could easily be put into action.


Funny enough it can be done or you can easily improve things,takes dedication and having a more happy life.


----------



## Erza Hilda

Feeling ashamed, feeling guilty for every mistake in the past. Let it go. I'm gonna practice saying it everyday.


----------



## GilMon

Nice post ^_^


----------



## Spacey

lol,,,RobertSmith says"let it go""5 steps ,,,FASTER EFT,,his videos are great...I let go of a VERY BIG FEAR..WOW..4 steps,,forhead,,,temple,,unereye,collarbone,,,deepbreath in,grab wrist,blow breath out"peace"..Think of any neg,say I need & want this,,then tap say let it go.make a pain/hurt as high as 10,then let it go.. We carry ALOT of trances,from childhood,.We still are in them..Wite down as many as you can remember & go from #1..Look it over & feel each feeling,smell,color,anything of that part..where you feel it,,,let it go..repeat til cant feel IT anymore..


----------



## Ithaqua

How many times have I tried to let it go saying that everything will be okay? It never helps, this annoying feeling stays the same, it never goes away!


----------



## ShocqueAnafalectique

*da only reazon my sexeyyyy self is posting on ere is becoz dere is six hundered and sixty six commentz nd i fink dats an abomination so i m just making it sixhundered and sixty seven*
*pees out to all da sexsaaaaaay galz out dere *


----------



## twitchy666

*Oh*

You're another 'one of the' person.

On a personal feeling

my vocation was to grade and group huge volumes of data
Most advertisers and politician would say hum... very... uhhh...

I do sales, profits, purchases, cost per region, per customer, per product

I have been told by everyone including you, to accept fate and give up, so it's 50:50.
I scramble to the top every day. It's not time for me to die yet.

Next Jobcentre and other sources of income will be 'one of my' many slogans to preach. I am of use to a lot of people. Why stop me now?


----------



## fictionz

True. I have just realized how I have repressed a lot of emotions in myself and ignored them for a long time, so nothing gets resolved. When I was able to point out to myself what exactly happened now, accept that things have happened, I feel so much better. Certainly nothing magical happened and things in life didn't just suddenly start to become awesome and I didn't live my life happily ever after - just that acceptance itself made things better, everything starts to make sense now. Now it's easier to let go, once I have accepted it.


----------



## poetkitty

Very true. I tend to find that if I'm feeling unhappy over something unrelated, it's just a grand opportunity to re-hash all the other stuff that has ever made me feel unhappy. At some level it justifies my present low mood. The 'always' and 'never' syndrome that becomes the white noise....I read a quote somewhere along the lines, "It's never too late to become what you weren't meant to be."...I'm not sure about the 'meant to be' part, but where there's life, there's hope. We can all start with baby steps to think more positive thoughts, to find a direction in which to point ourselves, to be 'gentle with ourselves' but also increase our expectations..


----------



## Danirella

And the worst part is that we always over analyze the bad! Why can't we over analyze the good? Maybe there is something in the good things, in the things that we get right that can help us make sure the bad stuff doesn't keep happening. So if we have to dwell and rehash every little thing, why can't we rehash the good instead??


I haven't had a major regret in a long time. But recently I had an argument with a friend that went awfully and I have gone over it and over it in my head for almost a week now. UGH!!! You're right. It is in the past. It happened. I can't change any of it. All I can do is move on. 

Why is that so incredibly hard?


----------



## ForeverInFlames

Your Bertrand Russell quote is so true. Love Bertrand Russell by the way. This is something that depresses me every day: the dumb are so cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. So true!! Maddening. When will the universe be fair and make the cocksure question themselves and the intelligent believe in themselves? Something I challenge in myself every day.


----------



## caveman8

Ithaqua said:


> How many times have I tried to let it go saying that everything will be okay? It never helps, this annoying feeling stays the same, it never goes away!


Try to discard the idea that "everything will be ok". That is patently false and reeks of self-help platitudes.


----------



## Julia555

It's so hard sometimes, but I'm trying really hard to do this. I still catch myself being embarrassed about things that happened 10 or more years ago when I doubt anyone else even remembers it or cares.


----------



## x0xalice

i thought this was gonna be a frozen post.


----------



## anxious87

I've been letting some things go and it has helped reduce some of my SA. I like to remind myself that thoughts come and go. If I'm feeling bad about something, I know eventually the feeling will pass, so why not change my outlook on it now.


----------



## AWIP

YES!

I'm mentally snapping like they do in poet shops. I could care less what anyone thinks about me. 

Its more of a matter of will I end up homeless with nothing to show for, or will I end up with a house, car, and completing my dreams?
:idea
I choose Dreams over opinions and past


----------



## prettyful

This thread was made before Frozen came out haha


----------



## x0xalice

prettyful said:


> This thread was made before Frozen came out haha


oh jeesh I'm not observant at all haha.


----------



## caveman8

Julia555 said:


> It's so hard sometimes, but I'm trying really hard to do this. I still catch myself being embarrassed about things that happened 10 or more years ago when I doubt anyone else even remembers it or cares.


Long time - care to give an example?

Also, "trying to do this" - curious, how so?

My take is that you don't need "effort". I guess that sounds counter-intuitive, since it can be hard, but I think you just have to focus on something else, today, basically whatever you are doing.


----------



## NorseAtheist

*It all sucks*



LivetoRead said:


> This is so much a problem I have too. I lie in bed and think about what I did or said and can't sleep and then I wake up and it's the first thing I do worry and fret about it. If there's something I said to someone and I think they are upset it can go on for days until it gets farther into the past. Thanks for the suggestion I will work on it.


Ive had SA for ages, nobody gives a **** what u say. So now im just in apathy.. Since im a large guy i usually knock ppl out sometimes and go to jail, get new friends, knock em out when i get drunk again and so it goes around ..

I wish i was born in the Viking age.


----------



## DRiZzyTHeDon

Yea it's sill hard to forget the past


----------



## EBHcounseling

Great read!


----------



## sml

*Presently Terrified*

I completely agree, being in the present is so important for so many reasons. It really does help with mental functioning, it reduces stress, makes you available to take note and part in life that is going on around you.

But it can be so hard. I find myself running away and hiding from people that I KNOW and LIKE if I see them unexpectantly. For me social anxiety isn't about being in the past or future it is about unexpected interactions occurring RIGHT NOW. The present can be really terrifying! Can anyone help me NOT run away from the people I care about?


----------



## catcharay

Im feeling like i couldnt give a damn right now. My anxiety is edgy.. on my toes. But i know i cant be short sighted. Ill carry out my fave motivation hack which involves trying to look fwd to a treat like an overpriced ice coffee. Make me open eyed.

Let it go cos these feelings have always been a barrier to your interpersonal evolution. Must concentrate. Must stick to my goals. All i have to do is put one foot in front of the other.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Live Through This

I love reading this. I just keep coming back and re-reading, just randomly thinking about it throughout the day.


----------



## amaytorr3884

Can completely relate to dwelling on the past. When I was 16 I was dwelling on what i didn't do in middle school and on my senior year i was regretting on what I didn't do high school years. On my freshman year in college same thing. Now I'm 25 and I realize that its a vicious cycle that I have stopped thankfully. when it comes down to it Social anxiety begins with your thoughts. You are focusing on everything that can go wrong rather than everything that you are gonna gain. Its a mental habit that you can build, trust me Ive done it. Dont fall into the habit of becoming a self-improvement junkie and get caught into theory and no action.


----------



## Sunganani

Winning in your mind is the first step. Everything else follows suit.


----------



## 525826

This post title made me wanna reply the song lyrics from Frozen xD (I know it's annoying). I need to let go of my old friends (some fake, some real but drifted away or probably didn't like me enough to stay in touch) and meet new ones.


----------



## SilvaSar

I like myself
I like myself
You are the most person in this room
You are the most person in the world....


----------



## Angel31

Has anyone tried meditation that's good for being in the now it takes a lot of practice tho


----------



## Scarlet Tanager

Let it go
let it go
can't hold it back anymore!!!!


----------



## The Loudest Mind

This is something I'm currently struggling with usually before I go to sleep. I tend to think back at problematic / traumatic events and get myself worked up emotionally, so much that I have a harder time falling asleep. I always try to focus and get myself back to the "now", I have to say it out loud so it registers in my brain, and sometimes that takes more than a few times.. That's okay though, being aware is important. It's best to practice grounding yourself before your emotions start to get too intense.


----------



## Peaceful Earthling

luffy said:


> Yeah, easier said than done.


Agreed. Over thinking is a full time job for me.


----------



## Ape

My old therapist calls it "practicing mindfulness".

It's a really humbling experience when you can stop, look around, and take it all in sometimes.


----------



## HBBG

The most amazing blessing happened to me. For all of my twenties I was plagued by constant internal running "script" of rehashing every difficult social moment since I was born when I'd try to sleep at night. Then at around age 30 it was as if I simply forget it all. I didn't even know it was gone. It just wasn't there anymore. I only realized it had gone when about 10 years later, it slowly all started coming back.

But the wonderful thing, besides the decade of relief, was that as it came back slowly, I found I had grown enough in internal strength to be able to actually process each memory and let it go. Sometimes I'd work with one memory for weeks, but always I could let it go. It still rolls on, but it's okay. It comes, and I let it go. I'm genuinely happy now, and it is in complete acceptance of how hard life can be living with social anxiety.


----------



## lisw

I could totally relate to that song and Elsa in Frozen. Socially isolated and feeling like it's the only way to be normal and sane.


----------



## Neo1234

So you dont plan any strategy or how you'd do certain action tomorrow? You shouldnt think bout it beforehand? And whats exactly the perfect time to think about mistakes from past so as to learn something so you wont repeat it? How do you set goals (future) without even thinkin bout it beforehand??


----------



## Tazrael

Well, I too have thought a lot about What Ifs and everything that might have gone wrong in the past...and my opinion on it is the following.

For one, it seems that we forget all the positive things way too easily, while the bad stuff burns itself into our memories and stays, like, forever.
So it seems there is SO much stuff to regret.

But I wonder...we might regret something that happened or didn't happen because of decisions we made. We can see where that decision led us, and because we can see where we have come since then, we think it might have been wrong, a mistake, we regret it.

But...had we opted for decision B instead of A back then...who says there would have been better things along the way, fewer regrets, that things would have gone less wrong? We think that, because we only see what happened because of what we decided, we can't know what had happened had we decided _otherwise_.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes, the past is gone, regret is useless because it's subjective and we too often pick negative experiences to dwell on if we want to dwell, and negative things are everywhere, unfortunately.

I'm reminded of a song, too, don't remember the name, but as I read the first post, I heard it in my head...They sang 'Things could be worse, but they could be better.' But 'could be' reminds me of yet another song that said 'Nothing is ever right'. And well, combining those two things make the whole thought process redundant.

I know all this. And still I have problems with letting go, too. Well, I guess I'm always fine until the thoughts come again.


----------



## Lucyintheskyy

Hey guys, I suffer from SA and I have started a blog. just to share my story, it also involves my recovery from it and i hope to help people. check it out if you want

http://lucyinthesky676.wordpress.com...e-one-of-them/


----------



## bmwerdna

So true. I always think about the things I could've done, rather than on what I can do now. I think it's better to leave things in the past.


----------



## seeking777

I'm just reading the original post for the first time. And this is exactly what I needed to read right now. I was thinking about some painful memories that surfaced recently and was feeling condemned and slightly ashamed. I was thinking about how to forgive myself for my mistakes and unwise choices. The original post gave me a practical way to confront the memories and deal with them. Thank you OP.


----------



## Rob214

one thing i notice that people with social anxiety have, is the fact that alot of them think too much which is what leads to their anxiety. ive come to realize that thought doesnt reflect reality, it is merely an interpretation of reality. it leads to delusion when you think too much, so thats why i know its important to not think too much, but god damn its really hard to do that. one problem that i have is that when im around people is that its hard for me to come up with something thats genuine. sure i know that i can bull****, and faka, but its not me being me at that point, im being someone else. i tend to be really quiet in general, thats just how i naturally am.


----------



## SunshineSam218

I need to stop worrying what people think of me. That's one big problem that I have, I'm constantly worrying if people will think badly of me. I seriously need to let this go and become more self confident in myself.

Another thing I need to let go is what happened to me between my abusive ex boyfriend and I, I have so much hate for him and I need to let this go. It's eating me up inside and I wish I could let it go, but he did so much damage to my self esteem. He's the reason why I'm constantly always feeling sorry for myself.


----------



## Elixer

I would like to let go, I really would, but it's hard when everything that's happened to me, for better or worse(mostly...actually ONLY for worse) has made me what I am today. I wouldn't even know HOW to do it. Think happy thoughts? Be positive all the time, while my tormentors soak up the sunlight? Sure there were a lot of things that were out of my control, but I also had choices.....I had the right choices staring at me right in front of my face, then I blinked, and POOF...I woke up here. I put myself here. I had options, and now my options have dwindled to the point where I'm afraid I only have one left, and that one option is just succeed and try to win. And that might be the only way I can really let go.


----------



## rilakkuma

I agree OP but I am going to need therapy to learn how to let stuff go.


----------



## Subatomic

I do this all the time. I wish we could all find a way to just "let go" of those things. Thank you for your post.


----------



## CNikki

Let it goooo. Let it gooo! Turn my back and slam the door!

... Okay, I'll stop. :l

But yeah, I tend to have a problem with the past as well. I feel like it contributes to my horrible performances if they're even being tasked. Otherwise I back out. It's way easier said than done to get over it, but it doesn't honestly help that some things that happen in the present triggers for the past to return.


----------



## Caledon

Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.

This would be the answer if only the stupid worries didn't find any little crack to leak back in if only I had a better filtering mechanism for my thoughts, any suggestions on controlling these worrying thoughts about every little thing?


----------



## OvercomeSocialAnxiety

You cant always decide your past. But you can define your future.


----------



## danielhermanson

I will let it go!


----------



## Xabi82

ANXIETY, Somebody help me!! Author: Sara Burillo. 
EXCELLENT!!! Fully Recommended!!
This book saved me... I hope it will help you


----------



## Keaton

This is so true. Thanks it is ashame how all the kind and sensitive people get guilt/obsessive thoughts and where as the confident selfish don't. Made me think


----------



## SilentWishes

I actually needed this right now, so thanks! Worried about some of the stupidest things ever from the past, when there's no point in worrying at all. This was a great post.


----------



## alterrain

Yes, very good post. I've always been a worrier. The Buddhists say live in the.Moment.


----------



## Nazim

Eckhart Tole with the "Power of Now" has helped me a lot.
Also, what helped me was being busy, whether it is working, dating, studying or reading. 
Make sure you have something going on life and take action regretting nothing


----------



## benj009

I think a lot of people dwell on past issues, and most are anxious about the future. It takes a lot of practice to just concentrate on the now. 

I've been reading Buddhism and meditation. It's about letting go of attachment. That could be anything from your youth, beauty, and wealth. It has to do with past issues such as relationships. Our suffering is due to how attached we become.


----------



## Alone75

OP is 19, it's not so easy to let go when you've lived twice as long and all you've known is disappointment, rejection and a sexless existence.


----------



## Razin

Thinking of the past causes depression for me, and thinking of the future and not being able to control or know the outcome brings anxiety. I try to stay in the now but it's so hard. Thinking that the present is the only time that exists helps though thanks.


----------



## alterrain

Thanks, will check it out. Mindfulness is a good technique, but it needs to become a constant habit.


----------



## alterrain

I meant thanks for the book recommendations.


----------



## SocialSavage

The one thing is you can't fix your own anxiety, your acutually making your anxiety worse by trying to fix it yourself. Has it ever work before? If you could fix it yourself you would have been fixed ages ago. Your body will heal its self you just have to give it time. The more your worry about your anxiety and your thoughts the worse you anxiety will be. Its like putting coal on a hot fire. You tryng to cure yourself is acutually making you worse. Accept your feeling and stop having anxiety over your anxiety, give your body a break you deserve it!


----------



## IMSOCLOSETOEDGE

Letting it go is the wrong word. The real word for it is to accept it. Letting go remind more about dropping that past off when it always stays in memory. If you accept it those memories become menigless and you are able to move on and changed yourself better.



SocialSavage said:


> The one thing is you can't fix your own anxiety, your acutually making your anxiety worse by trying to fix it yourself. Has it ever work before? If you could fix it yourself you would have been fixed ages ago. Your body will heal its self you just have to give it time. The more your worry about your anxiety and your thoughts the worse you anxiety will be. Its like putting coal on a hot fire. You tryng to cure yourself is acutually making you worse. Accept your feeling and stop having anxiety over your anxiety, give your body a break you deserve it!


 This is comepletly true. Just accept everything life trows at you wether it was good or bad. If you do it the anxiety wears itself down and you are left with peace. Life isnt bad or good its what you make of it and i make it as joyful as i can.


----------



## Mikko

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here


Someone's been telling me the same thing. I kept looking back because even though everything were already done, I just can't forget everything bad that happened or didn't satisfy me. Wishing I could've done better, knew that in the first place, etc.

But I eventually let the hard feelings go and feel better. I don't know about you, but when I'm letting go of something that had already done in the past, I feel lighter, like there is no weight that's been a bother.


----------



## jfetch25

Thank you for saying that. Its so true I spend more time worrying about what i should say or shouldve said that i loose what is going on now.


----------



## kmonsivais68

I tell myself this everyday"let it go"... The thoughts that run through my mind ruins my day. I try to remind myself that it's all in my head.. ugh it just kills me and I'm so, so depressed right now.


----------



## Melissa19f

Just Tony. . . The biblical quote in your signature is profound. SA is so self centered. If I could just figure out how to ignore myself.

Proverbs 18:1
He that separateth himself seeketh his own desire, and rageth against all sound wisdom.


----------



## Just Tony

I've come to a conclusion. I may or may not be wrong, but it is what I truly believe. We always have a choice. There is always a choice to be acted upon no matter what has or hasn't influenced us. Our lives are considered blank canvases. Our actions decide how the work of art will turn out. So yes there are things that will heavily influence us, but in the end only we can make the brush stroke. Also.. there will not always be a decent option. We can always draw over our works of art. What we do decides who we are. Not the other way around. We don't have a set personality and then act as such. We reinforce an image based off of what we do. People react to these images because that is what we convey to the world as okay. So we must change our actions in order to change ourselves.

Deciding to hang onto anxiety, bad memories, or any excuses paints an ugly canvas. Letting go is one step to bettering yourself. Realizing that your actions decides who you think you are and how the world will see you is another.(What kind of art do you want to take credit for)


----------



## Melissa19f

Thank God!!! I got out of going to my boyfriend's family Christmas Eve party. I know this is not the best coping mechanism, but I feel an enormous amount of relief!! Thank you all for listening.


----------



## Genos

i opened this post thinking there was going to be a frozen reference o-o


----------



## apedosmil

How is "let it go" profound advice? This is a SA forum with our members having SA. If you are here, you have some understanding of what you have. Social Anxiety is by its very nature illogical. You can't just say "don't have social anxiety about things, because its illogical," because we already know that. The feelings are still there. Therapy and talking helps, so why shut down the conversation with a nonsensical, pig-headed solution to an illogical problem of "just let it go!"

If you have a problem, voice it. If you want to help someone with their problem, share your experiences and pick your words wisely. If you want, message/friend me.


----------



## blackjack32409

I've definitely been there, dwelling on the past. Right now though, I am stuck in the future. I keep saying, "what if" this, and "what if" that, which is probably just as destructive but somehow harder for me to let go.


----------



## blackjack32409

Touka said:


> i opened this post thinking there was going to be a frozen reference o-o


Me too! And now I have that song stuck in my head again.


----------



## jiji

It's my problem too..... past events always stuck in my head. Last week, I took half day off as per duty roster. But now I feel sorry for my boss because he had to do the work by himself and the weekend. I feel like I am not a dutiful person and ran away when I get off. I feel like I am not doing enough, but just leave my work... errggg... that feeling is killing me!! It sounds so tiny but I just can't get rid of this from my mind!!! I hoped I did better, told them earlier and more understanding to him as he was busy that day... I doubted if I should stay some more time!!.... hmmmm..... I definitely should get rid of this feeling right now... this is killing my remaining self confidence!!! shouldn't be like this!!!


----------



## P1e2

Letting past negatives go benefits the person who had the negative experiences since then not sitting there feeling resentful, angry and irritated. Also helps to let go of past failures and look at it as a learning experience. Check out you tube video of famous successful people and they say they failed terribly at least once and then managed to keep trying and finally succeed.


----------



## Ntln

apedosmil said:


> How is "let it go" profound advice? This is a SA forum with our members having SA. If you are here, you have some understanding of what you have. Social Anxiety is by its very nature illogical. You can't just say "don't have social anxiety about things, because its illogical," because we already know that. The feelings are still there. Therapy and talking helps, so why shut down the conversation with a nonsensical, pig-headed solution to an illogical problem of "just let it go!"
> 
> If you have a problem, voice it. If you want to help someone with their problem, share your experiences and pick your words wisely. If you want, message/friend me.


Spend five minutes on the frustration section, and you'll realise that not everyone knows that their feelings are illogical and irrational. It's a surprisingly difficult truth to accept, that what you believe is wrong. Even if it's a belief that harms you, most people are too proud and too scared. So they'll continue to believe that everything is truly against them, that they truly have no way to overcome their problems, because they think all their fears are legitimate. Letting our fears go IS in fact the main we have to overcome our SA. The only problem is, it's nearly impossible to do and pointing it out will not get through to most people if they're in that situation.


----------



## Ellazona

Find it really hard to let go of things. Don't really know what good it does to constantly dwell in the past but i find myself doing this a lot, without even realizing when i do


----------



## soul king

nooo. Ill never let it go. If i let go what will become of me. What will define me. What will i do. where will i go?


----------



## Babyboo12

*Why people keep saying this*

I nevermet guy that likes me bc i have an ugly personality and idobt know what wrong with it


----------



## pixelpusher

It's great you're making positive steps to overcome this at such a young age. That's the right mindset. I try to remind myself of this every day.


----------



## UnderConstruction

This post "Letting go" is speaking to me so much right now, because at the beginning of this year I told myself that I had to try harder to let my resentments of the past go, but what I didn't realize was how hard it was going to be. 
I never thought that I had literally spent about 60% of my day, most days, thinking about the same old things that happened to me over and over... and over again.
To be honest, in my opinion, dwelling on the past, and continuing to breathe life into negative energy has done nothing but make my anxiety worse. I feel as though that if one welcomes positive energy and wards of negative energy, that the small things that make us feel anxious won't have the same dreadful effects as they once did.


----------



## Inknotmink94

The words let it go are so comforting to me, like a deep breath. Idk why but it is


----------



## AK32

I tell myself that all the time, however I still find myself dwelling on the past.


----------



## seeker123

Just Tony is a pretty smart guy -- at my age now, I feel like I'm a tiny bit able to set the bad feelings aside, but I really like the smart idea of attaching a positive to it, first. I'm going to try that. Thanks.


----------



## cperk

This is spot on how I am most of the time. I'm anxious about the past and the future and my family can barely get through to me in the present. 

Thanks for posting this!


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## hughealing

Totally agree, let it go! Only thing is, then what? I've managed sometimes to let go and found I was maybe addicted to not letting go? Letting go could easily turn into I don't care! Which for me sometimes is even more scary.


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## forgetmylife

can't hold it back anymore...


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## hughealing

^ what do you mean?


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## forgetmylife

hughealing said:


> ^ what do you mean?


The cold never bothered me anyway!


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## alterrain

Very true. We need to stop hanging on to the past. Bad memories stop us from improving our futures. We need to stop this process. Do a hard reset on ourselves Move on. Create a new you.


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## psychowizard

Meditation is one of the most essential things we can do to stay in the present


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## jakester13

It sounds so easy, but I make it some much harder than it needs to be. The past always comes back to haunt me. I always tell myself no one remembers my past except me. Its a work in progress for me.


----------



## BeautifulDisaster94

This is a great post. Thank you. Something I tend to linger on to excess is things I say when in distressed social interactions. I constantly find myself lying in bed many hours after the fact, punishing myself with the thought of how awkward or anxious I was while talking to someone, and whatever stupid conversation I tried to make with them (and probably failed miserably). I need to understand that I am living through my SA and dealing with it day by day. I need to learn to be able to forgive myself, move on, and know that tomorrow is always a new day to start fresh. 

I think that everyone who suffers from SA should sit down, take a deep breath, and forgive themselves. We are only human.


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## azicoor

Brand new to this site and just read through all of this, I dont know what to say thats not already been said (why I never even post on forums ever, first time for me in years). 


I've learned reading through this we all have the same fear's, struggles and most importantly real pain. Most of the time I read through forums pointlessly to escape from my mind and shut my thoughts up. I'm glad I found this site today and read all the responses to this post.

Simply put I'm trying " let it go", even if its just for ten minutes right now!


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## nitepaws

forgetmylife said:


> The cold never bothered me anyway!


:haha


----------



## Kiki81

It used to drive me up the wall when someone told me to let it go, but it's taken a long time (several years...) to realise they're right. It's trying to convince my feelings of what I already know, and to take control of my thoughts and not let them run rampant.

I don't know if it's been posted in this thread, but I read somewhere (on tumblr, can't remember the posters name) that they write down what is causing the anxiety, then write down solutions in a list, and work through it. Or if thoughts are racing through your head, write down what thoughts are causing anxiety, and for each one break it down into manageable thoughts.

For example, I was terrified of driving into the next city because it was so busy, my mind raced through all possible scenarios (people judging my driving, or my parking, or know that I'm lost) and so I used google maps to plot my route, I checked I knew the entrance and exit of the car park, I found out where parking meters are, where busy junctions are, what the busy spells were..

These might sound like common sense things to look up, but when I let my anxiety take over its hard for me to see clearly and I end up not doing the thing. This way I was met with no surprises, and because I knew exactly where I was going for each stage of my journey I was able to do it without feeling like people were judging me. 

Sorry, hope that's not gone completely off topic...


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## jfetch25

I really need to start working on this I've become so obsessed with what has happened and what could happen i've lost myself that's not a good feeling


----------



## megalodon

Doesn't seem to work


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## LotusBloom

This is what I need to work on the most. 
I hope to just let go of things and not relive in the past. 
Thinking of the past hurts me, and my relationships with people.
I hope to forgive, and finally let it go.

I will let go. One at a time.

I will frequent this thread to read other posts. Thanks for the sticky.


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## clreamscapes

The trouble is I find it hard to stop ruminating. 99% of the time I just can't seem to switch it off. And at some point, I start to feel afraid that if I don't obsess over something that didn't go well during my day, I'll just make the same mistake again _because_ I told myself to just forget about it. It's ironic because I keep making the same mistakes in social interactions all the time anyway, whether I dwell on them or not, and it makes that fear of not learning from my mistakes and preventing them from happening even worse. I've somehow managed to justify why worrying is good for me!


----------



## indiscipline

sorry I had to.


----------



## saperson

This tip has been very important for me. I just starting out doing something about my social anxiety, and this tip has definitely helped. I messed up really badly in the last 7 years (socially, academically, and career-wise) and made so many wrong decisions. It was only when I put that behind me that I started feeling a bit better.


----------



## Und3rground

If I ever managed to stop myself from overthinking, I might be able to just "Let it go".


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## Jmerced17

I completely agree with this. I spent so much time thinking about all the things I've messed up on in the past that it effects how i live in the present. Im sure I've done some good things in the past but I cant help but think about the bad. Its truly annoying actually, its like the same movie is playing in my head over and over again and I cant stop it. But you are absolutely right. The hardest part is actually learning how to let go.


----------



## REPO

I just recently went through (ANOTHER) really rough patch in my life and im just now regaining control. This post is says exactly what i and a lot of others need to do. LET IT GO! Its extremely easier said then done but i believe with persistence ANYTHING can be done. Great post


----------



## dontwaitupforme

I just want to be myself and work to enjoy life. Without that I feel like I can't breathe..


----------



## MakesMeLaugh

This is So true... I enjoy looking at old photos, antiques and everything. I spend way too much time looking back lol.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

If you put your mind to it. Absolutely anything is possible. Think about it.


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## misterme

I'm getting therapy soon or looking for some kind of solution to this social anxiety disorder , when I was in school I didn't feel this way in social situations. Now i'm petrified of being in a room with a group of people where i'm expected to speak. This irrational screaming voice in my head that everyone is watching me , judging me , thinking ill of me ... with people I know , people I trust , people who have accepted me this does not happen , with everyone else my personality shuts down and I just want to run away and hide away from 1000 eyes. I don't know why or where this came from, over the last few years it's crept up and now it's getting in the way of life and making me depressed , reclusive and alone.

Bah...


----------



## butterflies27

Am i the only one that thought of that Damn Disney song when reading the title of this thread? 
🎵🎶LET IT GO, LET IT GOOOOOO....🎵🎶
Sorry


----------



## ncr8on

Thank you so much for posting this! I definitely needed to read this :smile2:


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## CasualUsage

I find that I might have to engage it a little before I can let it go. Some thread of it stays connected. If I force my brain to stop thinking about it and move on too quickly from it, some little thread of it stays connected - I haven't really let it go -- I didn't know what all I was supposed to let go of. I didn't understand the scope of the thing enough to be able to fully let it go. It had deeper roots than I thought. So, I have to engage it some. Slamming the door on it and and forcing your brain into the present moment -- that should work -- that's what it's all about ... and I'm totally onboard with the whole Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now thing...being in the present. It's just...with me, if I slam the door on the thing, it might still linger out there a little. 

You can still be in the present while the problematic feelings are with you. You are present with your feelings. You're trying not to follow them, but you can't deny them.


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## migs7792

clreamscapes said:


> The trouble is I *find it hard to stop ruminating. 99% of the time I just can't seem to switch it off*. And at some point, I start to feel afraid that if I don't obsess over something that didn't go well during my day, I'll just make the same mistake again _because_ I told myself to just forget about it. It's ironic because I keep making the same mistakes in social interactions all the time anyway, whether I dwell on them or not, and it makes that fear of not learning from my mistakes and preventing them from happening even worse. I've somehow managed to justify why worrying is good for me!


This. How to let go when I would think about it over and over again. Just thinking "let go of x" still brings back the whole thing and rumination starts again and I never really let go.

It's worse for me because I never learn from any social faux pas. I start ruminating about it and my anger and frustration not only towards the incident but also the people involve grows that I don't want to see them anymore. Makes life worse when those people are your workmates or schoolmates. I am starting to notice this pesky mental habit of mine but I have doubts if I will totally get rid of it.


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## migs7792

Thread title reminds me of "Let it go" song from Frozen. I know the song and the movie is probably overrated for many people but when I watched Elsa from Frozen sing that song it really resonated with me. I guess thinking about any past incidents that are painful or embarrassing, and subsequently worrying about it happening again in the future makes me shield up and tense whenever a situation where I think I will do something out of character and context, and feel angry and shameful and fearful for it. But the hardest thing is I couldn't make sure it won't happen to me again in one way or another. Thus I am stuck in a nasty cycle.


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## Kingfish007

Thank you!


----------



## VikingKing83

Great post. Try to remind myself of that often! Sometime your head just get back to past sometimes. But its true! The past you cant change. Donne is donne. 

Live for now and future. Thats the things you can do something with.


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## Kylina

I've said these exact same words to myself. Saying it helps a little, but when you put it into practice thats when its 100%
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sweetlilislandgirl26

Nicee


----------



## Existin

still trying ....


----------



## TheSkinnyOne

It's so true. I have to keep telling myself not to be so hard on myself. I'm glad you posted this.


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## RyanGhostling

They made a Disney movie about this subject line hehe.


----------



## twotif

I cannot. Everything you've stated I've told myself a million times. But it simply won't go away. 

Almost every thing I see or do reminds me of something I screwed up or something horrible or stupid I did in the past. 

I can't shake it. Ever since I stopped drinking 7 years ago, it dominates my thoughts. I can't turn it off. Even things I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed of, I am. ?????


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## Ksenia Positive

Really nice post. Thinking a lot has became a habit and learning to live in the present moment is the solution, but letting go of this thinking too much habit doesn't seem easy. But as u suggest m gonna try and say let it go and try to live in present moment


----------



## areyousatisfied

Oh god, this happens to me all the time. Not so much with missed opportunities, I seem to be getting better at that. It's more or so embarrassing moments. Stupid things you've said that you would do anything to take back. It sucks. I'm trying to let them go, but it's not easy. Well, at least for me it isn't.


----------



## TimeUpComeOn

If you let go the past,
in such manner that you don't learn from it,
then it's all in vain.


----------



## Ankur Rathor

Great post! I really helps


----------



## klavak91

My issue actually is I can't seem to stop worrying about the future. The past is something I've come to accept as "mistakes made, lessons learned, people moved on", but even though I have a pretty solid set up in comparison to a lot of people, I still go on worry-fits about how my future will turn out. That's why I can't stay in the present, personally. It can fill me with optimism once in a while, but more often than not, it just makes me freak out.


----------



## Moxiesoul

I needed this right now. I've been replaying a bad interview in my head all day.


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## Joyce135

I live in the past and keep wishing I could change mistakes made or have another go, I feel I missed out on being someone and am too old to ever be
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chelsalina

I can't believe you were my age when you posted this. I wish I had your mentality... Thanks for this post though, I really need it. ^^


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## Akuba

The OP has offered good advice, though it sure as heck isn't easy. 

As my 5th grade teacher once said: "Sword can pierce through skin but it'll heal. Bad memories (Remembering them, that is) can last a lifetime."


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## VanDamme

Akuba said:


> As my 5th grade teacher once said: "Sword can pierce through skin but it'll heal.


What kind of sword can ONLY pierce through skin ... but not the rest of the body when even a pencil can do more damage? :con

Of course, I know what the saying means. 



Akuba said:


> Bad memories (Remembering them, that is) can last a lifetime."


There are ways to update and change memories. Sometimes with the right approach you can truly speed this process up.


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## Dream123

I had a panic attack during a work meeting yesterday. i was out of breath, my voice trembled and i couldnt finish a sentence. I tried to recover right away but thought people in the room saw. My boss sat right beside me too. The scene is going over and over in my mind. I want to let it go but it's hard. I dont know how to move forward or go to work and see the same people. I can't sleep. I wish this never happened and i know my boss or the people in the room will never give me a second chance.


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## Hope95

radiancia said:


> This. As you'll all know, its not really possible for the human mind to just go 'okay its over and done'. What you need to do is find peace and resolution with what happened before. When you continue to ruminate over a certain thought its because theres still something there you havent resolved. You need to get to a point where you've realized what went wrong, how you'd do it better, and finally forgive yourself. The problem is sometimes we get stuck because we dont know the answers to those things...which is why they continue to plague us. But once you resolve those issues, things naturally fade into the past because we are truly done with them.


Amen to that. It's just what I needed to hear to help me deal with my frustration.


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## DerrickOdea

Nice thread...
Its so inspiring, let go the past things is the best way to live in present. The past memories will only make us weak.


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## teuton

Good thread, I always let it go, maybe not instantly but for sure in a few days. "What happened, happened. It probably was bad, but I will try to do better in the future. "


----------



## Xtreme2damax

This is my problem. So much this.. As anything it's easier said than done. I just can't seem to let go. All my bad experiences, failed friendships, social exclusion and rejection. The pain I feel manifesting in the form of resentment, regret and constant rumination over it all. I desperately try to let go but find myself powerless in the struggle to the point of incessant dwelling until the point of becoming an unhealthy obsession, engulfing myself in self-loathing and blame. Granted, I'm doing much better now than before but am still not out of the water. I still struggle with thoughts of whether or not I should talk to those that were ignorant, cruel and rejected me. Maybe I could reason with them or get them to see my side, if I explained maybe they'd understand. Maybe if I took a stand and was more assertive I wouldn't be used as a living doormat. Then again the types I do interact with are generally toxic, self-centered and nothing is ever open for reasoning or a logical debate. If I was able to speak to them would it even matter? Probably not. For some reason I seem to attract all the pathological, self-absorbed types in droves and rarely any positive, supportive influences in my life. Not only do I need to change I need to change who I have around me in my life. But even then can I really tell, I could be wrong about them as I was numerous times before.. Therein is why I need to let go so I can move on or effortlessly bounce back. Let go of toxic, self-centered people that disassociated w/ me and let go of such people presently in my life incapable of reciprocation in a friendship. There's been so many times I've pour out my heart and soul only to get nothing or very little in return that I've lost count. Some people can be so callous and cruel. I make every effort to reach out to my "buddies" on FB but rarely receive any communication on their behalf. I was just the guy that said "hi" to everyone I interacted w/ everyday in high school desperately trying to blend in. Rarely anyone has expressed any interest in an actual friendship and hanging out irl. I alway wonder what I've done so wrong. Now I realize the problem wasn't me or anything I've done perse. I could let go if it weren't for feeling I'd be losing what little I have, even if that is purely artificial.

It hits me so hard because I'm a decent person and try to do the right thing. I'm well mannered, polite and friendly with those I interact with. I've sought to appease rather than offend for fear of losing what little people I have in my life and in turn have become passive, non-confrontational. I'm always afraid to speak up. Guess what? I guess it still doesn't matter AND It hurts so much more coming from those I've trusted and thought so highly of. Even from MH professionals that work with the mentally ill to provide therapy and rehab services. Every time it doesn't work out I lose confidence after working so hard to build it. I wish I could just let go and not be affected by these negative experiences. My logical, conscious mind knows this. I know what I have to do, that I NEED to do this but can't for whatever reason deep down within me. It's a battle of two minds, my logical waking mind and my subconscious mind. I tell people it's like a dream where I'm the observer yet am powerless to influence the course of events. I know all this, gone over all sorts of positive affirmations yet somehow still manage to be affected by negative experiences. These are thoughts that can be in my mind years later and still feel the pain as if it just happened. I've found pre-occupying myself with other tasks, doing something that makes me happy helps avoid such negative thinking. Realistically I can't always be doing something to draw attention away from my thoughts. Allowing my mind to idle and thoughts wander tends to get me in trouble quite often. All in all I always return to one thought, would I've become so broken and developed anxiety if I had a healthy social life? Would I be cured as if by magic my social life suddenly changed for the better?

So, how can I do this and what can I do?


----------



## InMySolitude

I like this post. Unfortunately my mind has a mind of its own. I'am my own prisoner.


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## Lonelyguy111

I have suffered from severe AvPD / SA all my life; even manifesting itself from the age of 4.
*
How DO you let it go?*

Like other people with extreme SA, I replay and ruminate over all of my social interactions so my mind is rarely in the present. I dwell on the past pain and anticipate future humiliation and emotional pain so I can never relax with people.

I wish I knew the answer.
We seem to be cursed with an overactive mind that chews over our social interactions over and over again and we cannot let go, be free, and move on.

It seems that people with confidence in themselves are able to forget painful situations where they are insulted or embarrassed and they simple smile, laugh, and carry on. I think liking and even loving yourself has a lot to do with it.


----------



## EternalReckoning

Yeah that's all nice, but sometimes letting go isn't that easy, I've tried all of these things and I'm done with this ****ty reality, I used to be a positive thinker too, then the world **** on me, I **** all over my own life, I can try and fix all the problems I want but I'll never fix me, if I could stop existing, just step out of reality and never cone back, maybe then I could let it go.


----------



## Resergence

identitycrisis said:


> I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


Thank you im not one only one!


----------



## AnxiousDaisy

I, too, have a hard time with rumination.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## handheart

True a lot of people on this world give to much atention to past and forgive about present .ou must think that past its gone and you cannot do nothing about .Act today, make your future better by pasing out confort zone and let comodity .First when you think at the past you lose energy for nothing because also thinking its an energy


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## mayanguy2

...just a thought to further this post

"Let It Go" points to what we don't want.

Maybe "Let It Come" can be used to point to what we want, instead.


----------



## rabidfoxes

Rumination is a big problem for me.

It's not so much regrets about past decisions, as awkwardness over past awkwardness (meta awkwardness!). 

I actually blush when thinking about something I did (not really anything, just an awkward social exchange) years ago. And my mind drifts off to those moments, a great many amassed over years. 

Then worrying about the future is another one. Recently, I would go to sleep, then jump up in bed and say to my boyfriend something like 'omg we forgot to buy dental floss', or 'did you finish that report for your work?', etc. and he would tell me to let him sleep (this could be a good half an hour after we'd gone to sleep). Now I still get the urge to do this, but I tell myself to drop those thoughts and think of something pleasant instead (e.g. my new spaceship in Mass Effect 2, my holiday plans). 

I also try to return to the present when I start thinking about the past during the day. It helps somewhat, but it's a tedious exercise. Thoughts drift off...bring them back. Drift off...bring back. It's very hard to live in the damn moment.


----------



## mayanguy2

rabidfoxes said:


> ...It's very hard to live in the damn moment...


Damn near impossible, rabidfoxes. Instead, try retreating, mindfully, to the space between "cause" and "effect". The space between where events happen (past) and how they turn out (future).

The urge to blurt out "important" information takes practice to control. It might take some aging, too. It's a reconditioning. Start with a singular thing to eliminate from your "snappy answers".

Something like, "God bless you", when someone sneezes. It is uncomfortable at first because you're not used to not blurting it out. Over time, though, you'll find that there are numerous other responses that could be eliminated as well.

"Oh it's so nice outside" is one of my pet peeves because it always comes out at a time when we can't go out to enjoy it. I don't respond at all to that one anymore. Misery loves company. But I digress.

My simple practice to "get in the moment" is to repeat the word NOW. It works for other's who I've shared it with. See it and say it in your mind and you should fall fast asleep.


----------



## sqwaaaz

The problem with SA is that not only the past sucks but more often than not also the present!

I get the 'being present' thing: continuously monitor and observe your thoughts, catch them before you get lost in thoughts and distance "yourself" from it.

But what good is it to be present when the present produces an never ending flow of negative feelings?

The answer is ofcourse that you also need to let go of your emotions. Accept the present as it is. Become a zombie.

Having anxiety? Terminal illness? Someone makes a comment about you? So be it. No need to get upset about it because the comment has already been made. You'll die of terminal illness and you'll be anxious no matter what you think and feel about it, it's going to happen anyway.

So, it's not simply a matter of letting go of the past. You need to let go of any attachment to reality. Not moments later but at the same instant as it is happening! So, in other words, you don't give a F* while you are trembling of anxiety, everyone is staring at you and making comments. What a paradox.


----------



## scottone99

Great post though easier said than done it seems


----------



## john21wall

Everything is made in one. The past is the identity that creates present affecting the future


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## Sabbosabbos

Don't always regret with the past, Focus on present and future is better way. We can change ourselves for future by making a better in present days.

I mostly regret about past despite present is in better condition, I realize that the past is done and the future is coming then stay in the present for long.


----------



## NoCombovers

Just Tony said:


> Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world.


This is true and something I have come to know over the past 10 months or so since my transformation.
The mind is like a time machine, constantly going from the past to the future and from the future to the past, a great number of times every second. While the mind does this, it more or less squanders/ignores the present moment and the present moment for most people is experienced by what they have brought to it.

The present moment is all we actually ever have and it is all anyone will ever have.

When we burden the present moment (aka now) with stuff from what has happened before and/or with stuff that we imagine/fear/fantasize/assume/expect/predict/believe/opine that is to come, we cannot experience and enjoy the present moment for what it is.

We end up determining the outcome of the present moment by whatever thoughts we have that it will be, instead of allowing it to be what it naturally would be. And hey presto, we often get what we thought we would get and which "proves" to us that our thoughts were right all along. And so we continue in this way of being.

For most people, the present moment is filled with all kinds of thoughts about past/future and this burden is carried into each moment like a heavy sack on top of us. Most people do this almost every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day and it is a key reason why suffering is on the scale that it is.

Learning to reduce or eliminate the burden on each present moment will greatly lessen or eliminate suffering and lead to peace and happiness, or help to do so greatly.

People who have helped me on this topic and which I would recommend to others;

Noah Elkrief
Eckhart Tolle
Alan watts
Buddah


----------



## sad1231234

nathanw said:


> i agree and i know youre right ive tried it so many times, to think positive and everything, and then whats happened is im somewhere where guys will start talking about say, their high school days, and it just brings back all my painful memories-like a dagger in my heart, and then it all comes crashing down!! HELP!!!


I know just how u feel. Life is so unfair


----------



## zero5221

i so agree with you. i wish it was that easy though


----------



## sundrops

So agree with this. Thanks OP!


----------



## n1988

Yeah, this is a problem for me too. I make an embarrassing mistake and spend the next two hours beating myself up for it. Having a positive interaction afterwards can help but if you're alone with your thoughts you don't have any other outlet to express your insecurities and find closure.


----------



## overthinker94

letting go for me is so hard. i overthink and over analyze everything in my mind and make it into such a huge thing where it comes to the point its less effort to actually let go of what happened than to keep thinking about it and obsessing it 24/7.


----------



## Ima

rabidfoxes said:


> Rumination is a big problem for me.
> 
> It's not so much regrets about past decisions, as awkwardness over past awkwardness (meta awkwardness!).
> 
> I actually blush when thinking about something I did (not really anything, just an awkward social exchange) years ago. And my mind drifts off to those moments, a great many amassed over years.


Something similar happens to me when I think of past awkwardness: I will sometimes suddenly blurt out some random sounds or words as a way of recoiling from the thought. It's pretty weird. That only happens with past embarrassing things though. When it comes to past regrets I tend to just get a tension headache and feel really guilty for missing out on something or making a wrong decision.

Worries about the future can be just as bad. I've been trying not to think as much about things I'm going to do in the future, since if I think about it I'll inevitably worry about it too. It's a little bit of an iffy strategy, though, since not thinking means not being prepared. But so often if I insist on "preparing" to do something I'll just flounder being very anxious about it and not make any progress in preparing at all. Either that or I'll talk myself out of doing it at all.


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## Dreaming1111

Giving yourself permission to let go could definitely change your life but it can be a tough thing to do especially when it involves major things. Also, the positive thinking is hard to keep up. If you look at the staggering amount of thoughts we have in a single day, and it's supposedly upwards of over 50,000+, it can be overwhelming to constantly police those thoughts. I think that's what Buddhism is about because of practicing being mindful and aware of thoughts. I have yet to be successful in meditation to keep my mind from wandering but it's still something I want to continue trying. Also I go on auto pilot without realizing it and those stray negative thoughts pop in before I'm really aware. I just think it's like this never ending battle and it gets tiring. Why is it so hard to kick out old negative programming? Well it seems that way for me at least. :?


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## Timeylordy

This is spot on, I'm thinking about the past right now in this very moment writing this. I'm constantly thinking about the past and future, never being in the present. I will try to let it go!


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## Chillyy

Pretty difficult to do when the people around you refuse to "let it go".


----------



## Drivigo

Ye but sometimes I can let it go because past holds on too strong you know. How can I let go of my past events?


----------



## Riff Raff

You are right. We do often waste time and also bring bad feelings into our life by dwelling on the past. Its really not a good thing to do. The happiest people in life are the ones who live in the NOW. They just set goals for their life and go after them. They enjoy what live has for them now. 

Me I have a lot of bad stuff in my past... and if I dwell on it.. I can get high anxiety and be depressed and also frustrated in life. So I have learnt to just stay in the moment and work towards making life as good as I can for myself 

thank you for your post 

If more people could live for right now and not dwell on the past people would be much better off


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

Whenever I come onto this forum i always get f***ing Frozen stuck in my head.


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## sv0819

How do you stop reliving your past when you are still making the same mistakes in the present like you're in a hamster wheel,and don't have control over your feelings and actions, so you watch yourself screw up on a daily basis?


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## OliveGage

I've skipped to the end because this is the only place "let it go!" could last for this many pages.

I found a great deal of growth and relief in thoroughly researching the source of my anxieties, my family. I did this after I retired and I did not share with acquaintances. I built an ancestry page, put together my life, their life, and talk to each of them as best as they are able. I realized that I had been taught to hang on to negative experiences by the very people who said, "Let it go!" Every knows we should just let it go, so why aren't we better at doing it. I think everyone wants to feel they have control of themselves and their lives.

I hang onto things when I am placing a limit on myself. I'm trying to make peace with not being able to do all the things I would like, even though I think others can. I am not in control; I am not going to work on changing this. It helps me accept why other people don't change.


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## eddyr

Not sure if i'm different on this one. I sometimes look to my past because it was almost like a paradise for me. I looked good, had some friends and had a really active social life. I wouldn't have the complexes I have now and I wasn't as a depressed or anxious. I never worried about the future, I looked forward to it. I never got attached to people and I was always happy in myself. I had no regrets with whatever happened. I had a much more active life than I do now, not perfect but very good.

So instead of thinking about the bad in the past I dream of returning to my former state: confident, good looking, warm to be around and a generally outward-looking person. Do I need to put this to bed as well?


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## NotTheBus

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here
> My opinion on how to improve ourselves.here


mindfulness
but when you havent got over sth its best to learn to accept it instead of hiding the feelings


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## teacups

This helps  thanks


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## kev1

I do understand, but maybe you can focus on being positive in the now and remember your not in H.S. anymore, and are probably better now with wisdom of being older and finding out what makes you better. In addition, do not compare yourself with others. They probably have problems too, you just don't know.meditation oasis podcast


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## Cool Ice Dude55

Can't hold it back anymore.


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## PaulAndLee

I agree with the OP partially. Not being able to move on with past events can definitely take a toll to our mood, but I am a big fan of practicality. Just like how ruminating can prevent us from self-growth, I also believe that we can look at the past to analyze our mistakes and learn from them. Self-reflection, without a doubt, is a great springboard to push one towards improving themselves. 

However, as time tells, moderation is key. If we reflect for too long we will waste precious time as well as blame ourselves out of guilt, and if we force ourselves to play blind towards the past, we will potentially miss out on valuable life lessons and have lingering regrets on the back of our mind. 

If we can balance out the way we approach our past and present, I believe that we can truly "live in the moment."


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## PaulAndLee

Well, this is embarrassing. I tried posting the first time, but I got an error from the database so I thought my post was deleted. I had to write everything over again from memory but it apparently it got posted :/


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## Autumn Toki

Just Tony said:


> Say it with me. Let it go, let it go, and guess what? Let it go.
> 
> One of our biggest problems is that we always dwell in the past. Just let it go, its already done. Thinking about it isnt going to change anything. The only thing thinking will do is WASTE your time, and bring back all those horrible FEELINGS you "think" you had when that moment was actually happening.
> 
> Waste our time you say? Yeah. You know how people always ask you if you are okay? If you are feeling sad? Etc, etc. Well thats because we are always lost in thought. Always thinking about the past, and always thinking about the future. We aren't actually PRESENT in the moment. Our bodies are there but our mind is off in a distant world. No presence. Something we all can work on.
> 
> So when you think of something and go "crap I wish.. this and that couldve gone better.." Well what can I say? What can you say? It already happened. Worry about the now, and the past wont be such a problem.
> 
> This person said something interesting. I highly recommend you all read it. d3lusionkt
> Something i've been wanting to add to the OP.here
> My opinion on how to improve ourselves.here


So true, really great reminder ty.


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## conquerAnxiety

I think living in the past happens when your current situations sucks more than the past. That is when you look back on better times to reminisce on. You might need to look to the current situation and work out a plan to make things better. 

When I have anxiety and depression I take action to make myself better everyday. When I was working I made a commitment to talk to strangers every morning at the coffee shop near my workplace. Standing in line for coffee, just the effort of talking to someone new making some basic comments about the weather and asking some questions about what these other people did made me feel much better. 

Having a routine, to feel better by taking action every single day will improve things in the present and future, so you don't need to keep thinking about the good things in the past. By doing something each day, even if you are not working by taking to new people in the local community through low risk small talk, you can change your mood. Try it out and let me know if this helps.


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## anxiouslady

If I could stop doing this, I would. I just don't know how to change the way I think.


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## Itsabouttime14

This is a great post! It's really hard to do.

One of the best ways I've found to do this is meditation. Not hardcore lights out, sitting cross-legged in a temple type meditation. Just be relaxed and shut your mind off for a short amount of time. Even 3 seconds. It will help you build up to longer times. 

I can't say enough about it.


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## CNikki

Remember the time when Frozen's Let It Go was stuck in your head because all the kids sang it, the kid's families sang it, and hell, even strangers out of nowhere sang it?

I don't miss it.


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## rbitbritnicole

This is something I try to tell myself ALL the time, and I am still trying to get myself to do it when my anxiety is acting up. I know I need to let things go, it's just a matter of figuring out how to think about something else other wise I could fixate on whatever it is I'm holding on to forever!


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## ksang

let it go !


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## Bishop Rice

totally i agree , this would help us to get away from depression but about anxiety i guess it wouldn't .


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## avoidz

The nagging voice in my mind is sometimes loud and sometimes quiet, but it's always there. When times are bad, thinking about the past (and past mistakes, embarrassments, etc.) is front and center. I just have to hope things get better and the negative voice is muted more often than not.


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## DigitalShrapnel

Hi all,
This is my first post on this forum. I recently have been thinking about a song that might help us all out. It's Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain


Rob Thomas wrote this about his dog and how he misses walking him even in the rain. This song seems to be about enjoying the little moments no matter what they are, not just the "big ones". I guess its like living in the moment and enjoying whatever your doing.


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## ouchiii

That's really a great song! 
I really needed the advice of "letting go" today. Sometimes I can't even stop the littlest things from ruining my mood for the rest of the day. I just keep thinking about it and continuously bombard myself with negative thoughts. Thanks a lot for the advice! I'm really trying to work on focusing on the present.


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## LifeIsABlast

That's the smartest thing you can do. I've been thinking intensively about my past trying to recreate situations and stages of life. But it makes no sense. 
You're wasting time thinking about a chapter that's already written. And after 2, 3, 5 years or whatever you will think why you did not react 2, 3, 5 years ago. 
I think that's because we think too perfectionist. Our mind tells us that everything has to be flawless, otherwise it's not complete. But we unfortunately had not the circumstances and luck for that.

Everything ist moving. Either you move with it or you get stuck somewhere. 
But losing is a part of the game. You have to have the heart to fight and the heart to lose, too. Only then can you improve, understand what you need to improve.
You can't fight it, let go! Release yourself from your weaknesses.

AND ANYONE READING THIS POST - PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO THIS CHANNEL IN YOUTUBE: *GOALCAST*

it's motivating and showing us how other people mastered their issues


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## anxious777confident

thanks for the post


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## Sus y

I must let it go, but that means I'll acept there will be no other chance to change things. But can I really change them? 
OK... I'm freeing myself of this.


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## rayneclowd

Im working on this right now. Somedays Ill have some victories and then other days for no reason at all it'll all flood in like Im going through it again and Ill think about what I could have done or what could have changed. I know its important to catch those thoughts when they come up as quick as they can because the longer it plays out in your head the more anxious you get thinking about it.


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## SunshineSam218

Winter blues seems to be killing me and making me think differently which is annoying me. I've caught onto it when I kept crying over every little thing yesterday and I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or even reach out to anyone for that matter because at the time I was crying so bad. Anytime I feel depressed or down about life, I sort of need to take a step back and focus on myself for a bit so I don't fall down a black hole again. So right now I'm trying to focus on something I'm looking forward too and keeping myself with artwork.


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## lightspeed418

I have made some bad socially awkward things to other people that turned them off, but thank God I still have two friends in my classroom that actually see my strengths and are helping me become a better person. Advice from my mom and pastor is to focus on these two friendships and let go of the other "friendships", especially since many of them are making fun of me behind my back.


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## seekshallfind

nathanw said:


> i agree and i know youre right ive tried it so many times, to think positive and everything, and then whats happened is im somewhere where guys will start talking about say, their high school days, and it just brings back all my painful memories-like a dagger in my heart, and then it all comes crashing down!! HELP!!!


I see that you are your thirties and by this time most people forgot HS and moved on with their profession.
If HS hits a chilly spot then it's time to change priorities and think of that as a closed coffin in some lost cemetery, take only
the positive light of your youth and resonate this for warmth. My cold past just gives me a chilling effect so I look at all
good deeds I have done for others and hope this kills that chiller mode. Time is in one direction "Now-Forward" all we have is the
present to bear with and make it so it is true to the soul in real-time consciousness. 
Peace will generate while being still and quiet, then wake up to a clear head of total freedom from prison.


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## seekshallfind

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> Winter blues seems to be killing me and making me think differently which is annoying me. I've caught onto it when I kept crying over every little thing yesterday and I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or even reach out to anyone for that matter because at the time I was crying so bad. Anytime I feel depressed or down about life, I sort of need to take a step back and focus on myself for a bit so I don't fall down a black hole again. So right now I'm trying to focus on something I'm looking forward too and keeping myself with artwork.


Being an artist will break you from that deep dark world, spend more time out of the box and live in that creative zone of interests, not many people can do this and if your heart and soul give this talent then focus on it and stay away from the chilling blues. Every November I get those dark cold emotions going but keep busy with my talents and forget the dark and it will work with patience.


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## BigWorldSmallGirl

Most sometimes I'll wake up not wanting to do anything and other times I'll be energised and ready to face the day it's so weird becuase you never know what mood you'll wake up in
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lohikaarme

This is one of the most crucial mindsets you must develop to be happy in life. Gradually learning how to let go of past mistakes is a true game changer.

The liberating feeling accompanying this revelation is nearly indescribable.


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## SunshineSam218

seekshallfind said:


> Being an artist will break you from that deep dark world, spend more time out of the box and live in that creative zone of interests, not many people can do this and if your heart and soul give this talent then focus on it and stay away from the chilling blues. Every November I get those dark cold emotions going but keep busy with my talents and forget the dark and it will work with patience.


Yes, I seemed to have noticed this a lot of the time. This is why I love art and poetry so much. Because I always end up zoned out anytime I'm keeping myself busy. Thanks for giving me advice. This will help out a lot. Hope things are going great for you and had a lovely Christmas and New Years!!


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## Social Faux Pas

I was just thinking about this. It's something I've always struggled with.



identitycrisis said:


> Sometimes though, no matter how hard I try, my mind just _will not let it go_.


I couldn't've said it better myself.


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## tulips101

This is what I’m trying to do right now.Thanks for the reminder


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## Rosebard

Yes thanks for the reminder. I noticed that I do tend to replay past mistakes (like if I talked too fast on the phone or if I made a mistake via email) in my mind which causes me to worry about doing it again. Letting it go and moving forward is something I struggle with but I'm working on it


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## Morst999

I agree with you, I am the type of person that doesn't think about the bad things happened in my life. Once they happened, I always accept it.


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## Selin

In her book on SA, Ellen Hendrickson makes a really great suggestion. 

So often, we try and measure ourselves and our social performance by how we think others reacted to us (which, part of the disorder is to way over-read, over-interpret, and personalize what we feel are negative responses or cues from others). Instead, a big part of treatment is simply putting ourselves out there in careful ways (as in exposure therapy) and then instead of measuring the encounter by whether or not we made an instant best friend (which isn't likely under any circumstances even with the most socially skilled people) or not, we simply measure ourselves by what we did while avoiding our safety behaviors. 

Just letting go of anxiety is nearly impossible because of its neurophysiological roots, but teaching ourselves through careful exposure work and giving ourselves credit for trying, whether or not the person in question reacted positively to us that we don't need to be afraid of social situations is something that is possible.


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## Sasseth

Let it go... let it go... and let it goo.. yes!! )))


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## skyler33

thxxxx


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## sean24

First of all Id like to say thank you for this post. It took me literally YEARS to grasp this concept....I've been battling with SEVERE anxiety since my high school days. Im now 27 and have done a lot over the years to try and tame this animal called anxiety. I tried it all from meditation to medications! I honestly thank god for meditation and I would HIGHLY encourage other's to practice it! I also have been taking a supplement called CBD Oil before work and eases my stress levels before my stressful day at work (sales coordinator, I have to deal with people all day ugh...) Anyway I wish you guys all find peace one day.


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## fantaspaceunicornz

A friend once told me "If if dosen't matter in five years, don't spend five seconds thinking about it". I'm still struggling with this myself and now currently trying to come out of a dark place. I spend way too much time thinking about stuff that happened years ago, ugh. But I shall try to stay positive, let's all support each other


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## twitchy666

*Never let go. Fight.*

I uphold

never keep anyone waiting. the world far too slow for me. I'm too fast for this world, on many fronts (dimensionally):
striding ahead
overtaking

awake early
never lazy

interested if involved in firing people. I'd include all reasons +/-

accurate & precise, articulate

must be a reason why the world doesn't like me (unable to specify - cos THEY refuse to)

my world of loss. (friends / fiends), employers, indirectly: locked out of returning to career: WORK POLICE: Recruiting In*dust*ry

most successful people are profoundly stupid. politicians, SPORT!, actors, brainless, careless, of authority (world leaders, wealthy), holding back everyone else. YOU CAN'T!!! whimsy

philosophers, scientists, historians.. ignored, not appreciated


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## littleone2021

Kennnie said:


> Im currently still working on this getting a lot better though.


Me too


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## Greenmacaron

I'm working on letting things go and making time for meditation where I can bring myself to focus on the present moment. This has been helping a little, but it's easier said than done  

I understand there's no point in dwelling on things you can't change. Most of the time it is just irrelevant stuff that won't even matter after a while, like 'oh no i think I just embarrassed myself in front of so and so... ' 

Just learn the lesson and move on.


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## littleone2021

Greenmacaron said:


> I'm working on letting things go and making time for meditation where I can bring myself to focus on the present moment. This has been helping a little, but it's easier said than done
> 
> I understand there's no point in dwelling on things you can't change. Most of the time it is just irrelevant stuff that won't even matter after a while, like 'oh no i think I just embarrassed myself in front of so and so... '
> 
> Just learn the lesson and move on.


Everyone tells me to let go of my brother's death and to stop feeling guilty about it and I am trying but it is so hard.


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## Greenmacaron

> Everyone tells me to let go of my brother's death and to stop feeling guilty about it and I am trying but it is so hard.


When I wrote the post I was thinking about the trivial things I stress so much about and worrying about people's perceptions of me in social situations and this is obviously not as meaningful as the death of a family member. 

The death of a loved one is hard to come to terms with and can be a major and life changing event. This has such a strong emotional impact on us that we always seem to carry it with us to a certain extent. Healing would probably be a better thing to suggest rather than letting go. 

I hope you are OK and have someone you trust to talk over your feelings and have a good vent about your frustrations. 💛


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## Persephone The Dread

The cold never bothered me anyway.


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## firelight

This should be unpinned because it makes one remember that horrendous song.


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## SunshineSam218

This is something I'm working on right now. I just feel like I beat myself up over everything, when I shouldn't.


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