# Are you able to unload to your therapist?



## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

I've been seeing this therapist for almost a year and there's so much I keep from her. Before her, I had assumed it was the therapist's role to probe and initiate topics of discussion. I thought finally all the questions I've had about my own behavior and about my childhood would be answered. 

But her approach is to stare at me and let me do most of the talking. Many times, when I've hit a natural pause and waited for her input, she just stared at me so I had to say, "should I move to another topic" or we had an embarrassing(for me) stare off for a few seconds.

In the very first session, the only groundbreaking thing I revealed was that I have a maladaptive daydreaming disorder. Since that day, I have never once brought it up and neither has she asked me about it.

A month ago, she said she noticed a few times where I left something out when talking about my family and that she thinks there are things I feel only are safe for me to keep to myself.

There are important things that I have kept to myself but they're not necessarily directly related to what I've said of my dysfunctional family. So I wasn't sure what she meant and kept my mouth shut.

I don't want to throw a wrench in the plans. To bring up this other thing would be like a blindside, a huge departure from our typical discussions. This therapy is goal based and so far the focus has been on the depression and anxiety but this other topic needs a lot of attention devoted to it which would take away attention for the depression and anxiety.

And I cannot bear to reveal sensitive stuff to her all while she stares at me wordlessly. It would unnerve me. If she could interrupt with comments or questions, that would help ease the burden but that is not her style.

And it took SO LONG for me to finally get into therapy so I don't want to fire her. This was the only center I found that accepts my Medicaid and other stuff. And I refuse to switch because it would trigger my social anxiety to see her in the hallway or in the lobby when I'm there to see a different therapist.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Between yeh and I leave out some stuff. There is some tiny stuff I leave out (probably isn't tiny eh?) but mostly the stuff that doesn't get discussed is due to time constraints.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I've never understood these bloody therapists that just stare at you. What in God's name is all that about?

The last psychologist I had is the best I've ever seen - he's in his 60's and was a scientist before studying psychology as a mature age student. He was always very interested in it and did a Phd in it so I value his opinion more than most I've talked to before. He also *never* just sits there and stares. 

He told me one time that the most important thing in therapy is the rapport you have between therapist and patient and I can understand why he says that.

I would find it very hard to keep seeing a therapist like the one you're describing tbh.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

In the past I would "feel" them out first. Some are quick to lock you up so have to be careful what you say. Some understand and are compassionate. Just depends. Never unload all first visit.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Yea I'm pretty open at this point. I'm ****ing 30 and I don't have time to bs around. I just trust that they're there for me and dive in cause I have work to do and a life to live. I'm there paying for help and I'm gonna get all I can. Geez who am I even? Me from 3 yrs ago is immensely uncomfy lol.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yeah my therapist had little to no input and when I tried to bring up certain issues not directly related to anxiety she'd change the subject. I just used her for temporary valiation for exposure exercises, and it was pretty much useless for addressing any of my problems.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Before I gave up them completely, I could usually tell within two sessions if I could trust them. Looking back I felt only one really got and related to what I was thinking and feeling, even though he had no idea how to help me. I mean, they're all quacks and know next to nothing about SA anyways. I continued seeing that guy I liked but one day I heard he was let go. He was just there for a part-time internship and wasn't even a fully trained staff..


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

No, what does he care?


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## Dont Worry (Aug 3, 2017)

Your therapist is probably using "Narrative" therapy. This is where the therapist just listens to the client, watches the client for body language, facial expressions to give the therapist a clue as to if the client is experiencing other issues they are not talking about. This type of therapy does not include much interaction between the therapist and the client as the therapist is to actively listen to their client.
If you do not like the therapy technique then tell your therapist, ask what kind of therapy is she using and let her know you feel you have not made any improvements and you want to try a different approach. 
Sometimes therapists get stuck with using only a single type of therapy and they should be able to be fluid and adapt therapy for the best interest of their client.
What you want is a therapist that has more interaction and narrative therapy does not. There are many other approaches to therapy which would be better suited towards what you want so just ask. 
Basically you need a "warm" therapy where the therapist shows care, shows concern, talks with you not at you, a therapist which interacts with you on your level and on your terms. 
If you have been in therapy for aver a year and feel you have not made any improvements then it is time to talk with your therapist and tell her, you tell her in a straightforward manner that the therapy is not working. It seems it has not and why else go to therapy, you go because you want help.
Understand it is not the therapist but her model of therapy she is using is the reason she makes no comments or interaction with you. 
Another note is a therapist cannot tell you what to do but they are to help you find what is best for you. So, in that you are actually helping yourself which who else is the better "teacher" for you than yourself. Lessons we "teach" ourselves stay with us for a long time and are lessons we learn well.
Don't worry because tomorrow is a new beginning.


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## Dont Worry (Aug 3, 2017)

Railcar,
Just want to say, there is not a single person in the world that has not had or felt a little SA at times. Some may experience SA longer, some more intense, some only within certain situations and some just shift (experience SA without any triggers).
If you are no longer seeing a therapist and still having bad SA there is a therapy you can do for yourself. It is called REBT. You can google it and find all the information on it. Albert Ellis who developed this therapy technique wanted people to learn so they could teach others and for people to be able to work out some things easily for themselves.
Just try it, you may surprise yourself in that you do have the inner strength to overcome your SA without having to sit in therapy sessions where you feel you are not getting help.
Don't worry tomorrow is a new beginning.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

Dont Worry said:


> This is where the therapist just listens to the client, watches the client for body language, facial expressions to give the therapist a clue as to if the client is experiencing other issues they are not talking about. This tyepe of therapy does not include much interaction between the therapist and the client as the therapist is to actively listen to their client.
> If you do not like the therapy technique then tell your therapist, ask what kind of therapy is she using and let her know you feel you have not made any improvements and you want to try a different approach.
> Sometimes therapists get stuck with using only a single type of therapy and they should be able to be fluid and adapt therapy for the best interest of their client.
> What you want is a therapist that has more interaction and narrative therapy does not.
> ...


Reading the beginning of your post made me laugh uncomfortably. I feel naked to think that this whole time she can tell I'm keeping secrets. But at the same time, I remember that I'm keeping mum because I find all that staring unsettling. mostly.

Like sometimes she'll be writing notes and then she'll hear me say something or perhaps hear a catch in my voice and then halt everything and snap her head and body around towards me and start staring.

Also, I brought it up once months ago that we should do CBT because it was recommended at a support group I went to. And she told me, this is CBT. All the talking we'd been doing was CBT not "narrative therapy." So I hear you but I have trouble believing that my therapist can change. I feel like it'd be forced if she suddenly started participating in our conversations. Also I heard that medical professionals tend to stare because there's anxiety in that industry about making sure that they don't talk over the client. So maybe it's that..



Dont Worry said:


> Another note is a therapist cannot tell you what to do but they are to help you find what is best for you.


 Why can't they? I feel like I've been less productive in certain ways in the past year and the only thing I can attribute it to is that I've been in therapy. Week after week I haven't done **** and my therapist doesn't comment much on it. I know she can't tell me what to do but I'm in this weird place where it's acceptable that I'm being unproductive.. But I'm not okay with that.


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## Friek (Aug 12, 2017)

If you've seen the therapist more than 3 times and you still feel uncomfortable, I wouldn't feel bad about switching. There may be nothing wrong with the therapist and she may be exactly what someone else needs, but it's not working for you. 

I've been with a great therapist for several years and we have a good relationship and good rapport, but I feel like I've plateaued a bit in the last year and I'm thinking I may pick up a new therapist in my new city, just to get a new perspective on my situation and potential solutions.

If you really insist on staying with the therapist, you might try actually asking questions of the therapist. "Have you ever felt that way? When?""What do you think my mom means when she says that?" Or you could just let her know you need her to ask questions. It might be forced, but it is a job for her, you know? Left to his own devices, my doctor probably wouldn't stick a finger up my butt, but he'll do it as part of the job, especially if I ask for a prostate checkup. It's jsut as important for mental as physical health.

I feel like it's way too easy to put up walls or spin your wheels in therapy, whether intentionally or not, so I always go out of my way to make lists and discuss things that have been bothering me lately. 100% openness is always critical to getting better, I would think. Even with a therapist I really enjoyed seeing, it took a lot of time and practice to really open up.


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## MondKrabbe (Sep 7, 2015)

I've been with my therapist for 2 years now and it always feels great to unload what's bothering me. Although I've got some super personal stuff I keep to myself. 

I feel for you about switching therapists but it might be worth it in the end if you feel like she's not helping you any.


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## arakka (Sep 17, 2015)

letitrock said:


> Reading the beginning of your post made me laugh uncomfortably. I feel naked to think that this whole time she can tell I'm keeping secrets. But at the same time, I remember that I'm keeping mum because I find all that staring unsettling. mostly.
> 
> Like sometimes she'll be writing notes and then she'll hear me say something or perhaps hear a catch in my voice and then halt everything and snap her head and body around towards me and start staring.
> 
> ...


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIS -- This is my second attempt at therapy -- the first lasted about 4-5 months (2 years ago) before I had to stop because she kept forgetting my appts. I've been seeing a new therapist now for about 4-5 months. I really like her but I do the most talking and I don't always have something to say. I feel like I'm obligated to bring up something otherwise we'd be in silence. I mentioned this to her several times and she keeps saying we can always find something to discuss.

We never talk about my social anxiety or anything I've been diagnosed with. We don't talk about my past or how it affects me. We generally talk about what I did the last week (I never do anything). When she gives me assignments, she doesn't hold me accountable for doing them and I mentioned to her I'd prefer she hold me accountable otherwise I'd just stay in a rut.

I never realized therapy would be so useless.....expensive and useless...


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