# TOO MUCH NEGATIVITY IT MAKES ME MAD



## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

This place (sas) is the only place I feel safe talking about my sa problems...it is literally the only place I dump things that are on my mind....I dont have time nor does anyone else around tme to talk about the things I post on here whicih makes this place very important to me.

Without it, in fact, I don't know where I would be right now.

It helps a lot to share stories, get others feedback, and read about others similar experiences. BUT I litereally cannot take it when there is no much negativity. Thank God there is this positive thread or I wouldnt ever leave this place feeling any better.

This should be for information and support and I know I am just as guilty about losing it and typing out long paragraphs about how horrible I feel.


But nothing is going to change that way, and I feel like more people need to realize that.

Does anyone else get kind of annoyed by this? I hope that we can work more at this and try to better understand our problems so taht we can solve them rather than only focus on the negatives.


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## outOfThisWorld (Dec 31, 2003)

Hi Jess.

In recent times I have started changing my way of thinking from negatives to positives. As part of this I have started only visiting a select few sections of this forum.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Same here. I just sidestep a lot of the discussions here.


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

*going up*

good idea...but I think maybe we should all just try to focus on the positive....maybe that is too far of a step for some people, but for me...after being suicidal and depressed for a very long time, the only way to go is up and that is the way I plan to go.


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## outOfThisWorld (Dec 31, 2003)

Jess said:


> good idea...but I think maybe we should all just try to focus on the positive....maybe that is too far of a step for some people, but for me...after being suicidal and depressed for a very long time, the only way to go is up and that is the way I plan to go.


Thats a brilliant way of thinking. By focusing on positives from your past and setting goals for your future you are bound to improve. For far too long I have been negative and have decided its time to change.


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

*positivity*

yeah well its like the saying "its always the darkest before the dawn" it sucks that it has to get so bad for people to actually end up doing something about a problem or getting really positive about it...but there is just this point, at least the point came for me, where it was like its either I fight this thing or I turn to suicide because I can't live life so negative like this..Now I try to remind myself of how bad I felt and how that attitude leads to NOTHING, in order fo rme to stay on the positive track.


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

I hear what you are saying. I try to be careful about which posts I read and try not to spend much time on the negative ones or else it would be too much for me.


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

I agree about negatives. Some people feel a need to post things that sometimes can make me feel really depressed by what some people say, some people are aware of things and get too far ahead of themselves. We need to focus on bettering our lives, it really *does* matter.


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2006)

This site needs to focus more on self-improvement rather than venting because that is what all of us really need.

People start threads saying things like, "I can't leave my room, there's people downstairs". It's okay to feel that way, in fact it makes me want to cry because it brings back bad memories. But it f*cking pisses me off when I hear the responses to it, "Ya hide in your room, thats what I would do."......"Just stay in there until morning, they'll be gone shortly". Now I can't tell if these people are trying to ad humor to the situation or what but it makes me so mad that I can read through 6 responses before some offers and sound advice for coping with the situation, words of encouragement.....SOMETHING HELPFUL!! 

The name of this site is "Social Anxiety Support" not Feed Your Social Anxiety. I'm on your side Jess


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## Urkidding (Oct 12, 2005)

shwin said:


> The thing is, reading negative posts makes you more negative. Your subconscious mind gets poisoned with negativity. And the choices you make will be negative.
> 
> Afterall, we are here to break that negative cycle. We have to focus on the positive.


Yeah, I know what you mean--negativity can beget negativity and it *can* be contagious. But when I stop to think about it, spouting negativity can be positive, in a way. Say I sit and dwell about negative things. That can be the first step to addressing a real problem--not simply ignoring it and thinking that it does not exist or will vanish on its own. The positive effect may be that the "bottoming out" from the negativity will serve as an impetus to resolve it thru positive steps, maybe by acknowledging the problem for what it is or is honestly perceived to be.

Another potential positive attained by focusing on the negative is the eventual realization that negative thinking alone--and sometimes even positive thinking--will not necessarily lead to any kind of improvement. The positive effect will be the realization of the futility often coupled with negative thinking, thereby giving one the confidence, based on personal experience, in more positive ways to address current and future problems, including taking action.

So, after all this rambling  I guess I'd say that it's wise to emphasize positives and acknowledge but try to downplay the negatives.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I suppose this'll make me sound like a jerk, but the negative posts sometimes make me feel better about my own situation -- I think to myself, "No wonder your life is so screwed up" and "I may have some problems, but at least I'm not as defeated and hateful (or whatever) as that guy." 

Also, I think they're helpful in this sense... learning involves not only what TO do but also what NOT to do, and the highly negative posts can be great reminders of what NOT to do -- unless you want to end up living a life/experience like the guys who are writing them.


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

*scwin wrote*


> Afterall, we are here to break that negative cycle. We have to focus on the positive.


A couple of notes:

*There are a lot of people here that actually argue against positive thinking! As if negative thinking has been working well for them!

* Not to offend anyone but there are actually a lot of people who would rather not improve. If they actually got better then they would lose their excuses for not doing more with their lives. Their is a payoff in the self-pity and pity from others that some people are almost addicted to. (I used to be addicted to self-pity myself).

* To illustrate my point above you can even read posts where people brag about being the most screwed up or being total basket cases like their is a reward for being the worst!

I write these things not to make anyone mad I just would like to offer some explanation why some people are so stuck in the negative. A lot of people do not even realize that they are stuck in these habits and that they are reinforcing them. From my limited knowledge of treating SA it is largely about relearning old negative thinking patterns and thereby reducing or eliminating the anxiety that these patterns(conditioned responses) cause. *So how can we relearn negative thinking patterns without replacing them with positive thinking patterns?*


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I guess I'll just point out that you can be too positive, too. You can put pressure on yourself to always be in an optimistic frame of mind, always be in a good mood, etc. I think that creates a lot of unnecessary stress. Life is a series of emotional ups and downs, and the downs are just as much a part of life as the ups. I think optimism is fine, but we need to leave ourselves room to feel sad, lonely, afraid, angry, etc.


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## quietpond (May 2, 2006)

I really agree with all of you. This site can really bring you down if you let it. We ARE here to help each other and give support, not argue with each other. It is very frustrating to post something positive and have it torn to shreds.

We can change that, THOUGH! We don't have to sit around and feed into the negativity. Sometimes the people who are venting don't want help, they just want someone to vent with and tell them how hard it is for them too.

When I feel good I stay away from those parts of the forum. Sometimes offering a kind word of advice isn't the answer. We can breed positivity by sharing positivity. Allow our voices to be stronger!

With TRUE support, we can help each other overcome this! :banana


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

LittleZion said:


> I guess I'll just point out that you can be too positive, too. You can put pressure on yourself to always be in an optimistic frame of mind, always be in a good mood, etc. I think that creates a lot of unnecessary stress. Life is a series of emotional ups and downs, and the downs are just as much a part of life as the ups. I think optimism is fine, but we need to leave ourselves room to feel sad, lonely, afraid, angry, etc.


I agree with you that negative emotions are completely natural and neccessary but I would add that I dont think anybody here has a problem with being too positive! We dont go to counseling and confess to being too optimistic or too happy. Negative thinking patterns are the mortal enemy of SA'ers (concious and subconscious) and we can only battle them with positive optimistic attitudes. I would say that we have overused the emotions of sadness, loneliness, and fear! We get so used to these emotions that they become automatic. I agree with your premise that one can be too positive(pollyannish-rose colored glasses) but that is rarely the case with anxious and depressed people. The antidote to fear is strong faith or positive belief, The antidote to sadness is happiness and optimism, and the antidote to loneliness is cheerfulness and togetherness. These are all positive emotions and the positive side of life is definitely where we need to put our focus if we are to improve/overcome.


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## quietpond (May 2, 2006)

persistent1 said:


> I agree with you that negative emotions are completely natural and neccessary but I would add that I dont think anybody here has a problem with being too positive! We dont go to counseling and confess to being too optimistic or too happy. Negative thinking patterns are the mortal enemy of SA'ers (concious and subconscious) and we can only battle them with positive optimistic attitudes. I would say that we have overused the emotions of sadness, loneliness, and fear! We get so used to these emotions that they become automatic. I agree with your premise that one can be too positive(pollyannish-rose colored glasses) but that is rarely the case with anxious and depressed people. The antidote to fear is strong faith or positive belief, The antidote to sadness is happiness and optimism, and the antidote to loneliness is cheerfulness and togetherness. These are all positive emotions and the positive side of life is definitely where we need to put our focus if we are to improve/overcome.


 :agree 100%


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

persistent1 said:


> I agree with your premise that one can be too positive(pollyannish-rose colored glasses) but that is rarely the case with anxious and depressed people. The antidote to fear is strong faith or positive belief, The antidote to sadness is happiness and optimism, and the antidote to loneliness is cheerfulness and togetherness. These are all positive emotions and the positive side of life is definitely where we need to put our focus if we are to improve/overcome.


I just think it gets a little superficial and one-sided, sometimes. You can get so focused on positive thinking that your emotional life gets very constricted. There's a lot of richness and depth in the so-called "negative" emotional states, and it's not always a good idea to try to talk ourselves out of them.

I think there's a cultural mythos that pressures us to be cheerful, confident, and optimistic. I think this is actually one source of SA, for some people; they feel like their sadness or anxiety makes them "not measure up." Americans are pretty universally regarded as a superficial people, and this cultural norm is one reason why. Ask a panel of musical experts to rate the quality and complexity of music, and the melancholy pieces will outscore the cheerful ones. There is something superficial about a constant stream of positivity.

When I said you can be too positive, I was thinking about how some people who are trying to overcome anxiety/depression put a lot of pressure on themselves to think positive, to always be "up," and then, when they (inevitably) sink into sadness or anxiety, feel like guilty failures for not "getting it right."

One more thing...and this is just speculation, but imo possible... You referenced the attacks on positivity you hear at SAS. I wonder if some of that is not a negative reaction based on some of these factors. In other words, they would like acceptance and social relaxation but instead feel pressured to "be better;" or they sense an implicit rejection of their legitimate feelings; or they have tried to be too positive and found it backfiring on them...

(colombo moment) ok, one more thing... I find it annoying to be around people who are always positive. I would find it hard to be myself, with all my ups and downs, around someone like that.


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

*Little Zion wrote:*


> I just think it gets a little superficial and one-sided, sometimes. You can get so focused on positive thinking that your emotional life gets very constricted. There's a lot of richness and depth in the so-called "negative" emotional states, and it's not always a good idea to try to talk ourselves out of them.


Hope you dont mind a little more friendly debate. I dont think we disagree about how Positive thinking can be superficial and one-sided. However I find it sad how many of us want to hang on to our "negative" emotional states. Depression is a negative emotional state. Anxiety is a negative emotional state. I agree that they are completely normal in some circumstances but the definition of SA is having abnormal or irrational anxiety that holds us back or limits us. I find abnormally positive people to be a little annoying also but I dont think most SAers will ever be accused of being overly positive. Positive Thinking as I am speaking is much broader than just putting on a happy face. I am speaking of gradual changes in our thinking, our esteem, our happiness, and our overall lives. One reason Positive thinking gets a bad rap in some circles is that it is *hard as heck*! Its way too easy to remain negative and when we all fight so hard for our rights to think negative or have negative emotions its no wonder. I think we already have way too much experience with the negative emotions of *sadness(depression), fear(anxiety), and pessimism(negative thinking).*I for one will go with positive thinking and positive emotions for awhile even if I do have to fake it until I make it!


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

persistent1 said:


> *Little Zion wrote:*
> 
> 
> > I just think it gets a little superficial and one-sided, sometimes. You can get so focused on positive thinking that your emotional life gets very constricted. There's a lot of richness and depth in the so-called "negative" emotional states, and it's not always a good idea to try to talk ourselves out of them.
> ...


Not at all. You ARE persistent.  I don't have too much energy, though. It's past midnight and I need to be toddling off to bed soon, but I'll try to bring you down a little before I do. (j/k)



> I dont think we disagree about how Positive thinking can be superficial and one-sided. However I find it sad how many of us want to hang on to our "negative" emotional states. Depression is a negative emotional state. Anxiety is a negative emotional state.


I agree that people shouldn't hang on to their negative emotions. I was thinking more about the potential usefulness of feeling sad, guilty, ashamed, afraid, lonely, proud, or angry -- not so much depression and social anxiety. The former emotions are often useful to feel, to let yourself sit in them for a while (not hang on, but just let the feeling be, without trying to cogitate your way out of it right away). It's harder to make a case for depression and social anxiety being useful states to remain in, so I won't.



> Positive Thinking as I am speaking is much broader than just putting on a happy face. I am speaking of gradual changes in our thinking, our esteem, our happiness, and our overall lives. One reason Positive thinking gets a bad rap in some circles is that it is *hard as heck*! Its way too easy to remain negative and when we all fight so hard for our rights to think negative or have negative emotions its no wonder. I think we already have way too much experience with the negative emotions of *sadness(depression), fear(anxiety), and pessimism(negative thinking).*I for one will go with positive thinking and positive emotions for awhile even if I do have to fake it until I make it!


Since you mentioned that positive thinking is hard, I just want to reiterate that one reason it is hard is because practitioners of positive thinking sometimes put too much pressure on themselves to be positive under all circumstances -- the idea that they should never feel a "negative" emotion or have a "negative" thought. This is, pardon me, bullsh*t, and totally counterproductive.

But anyhow, go get 'em. I think you're on a good road, and my comments are sort of general, not aimed at you at all -- you seem to be moving forward nicely, and I certainly don't want to pee on your barbeque.


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

*scwin wrote:*


> I've been reading As a man thinketh by James Allen (I encourage you to pick up this book. Its very small, only 60 small pages, but its worth its weight in Gold.)


I have read *"As a man thinketh"* several times. I agree totally! It is worth its weight in gold! Anyone who wants to begin on the path to replacing negative thought patterns would do well to start with this book. This is the brand of Positive Thinking that I subscribe to not the superficial kind that a lot of people are so wary of.

*Little Zion wrote:*


> I agree that people shouldn't hang on to their negative emotions. I was thinking more about the potential usefulness of feeling sad, guilty, ashamed, afraid, lonely, proud, or angry -- not so much depression and social anxiety. The former emotions are often useful to feel, to let yourself sit in them for a while (not hang on, but just let the feeling be, without trying to cogitate your way out of it right away). It's harder to make a case for depression and social anxiety being useful states to remain in, so I won't.


Thanks for the further clarification. I actually think we are closer to the same page than I first thought. Also thanks for not peeing on my barbecue! :lol


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## Caedmon (Dec 14, 2003)

It's kind of negative to talk about how negative other people are, isn't it? :duck


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

Caedmon said:


> It's kind of negative to talk about how negative other people are, isn't it? :duck


*You are positively correct that it is negative to speak negatively about other peoples negativity. But only by positively identifying the negativity of negative people can you positively convert them to positing positive thoughts positively and thereby negating the negative negativity that so negatively affects the positive principled people whose positiveness positively has a positive positioning effect.*

Okay I really need to get some sleep!


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## Caedmon (Dec 14, 2003)

I strongly feel that lecturing others on how negative they are is not necessarily constructive. In many cases this could make a person feel worse. 

I was recently suicidal, and my best friend came over to talk. Instead of listening to my feelings, she berated me for being pessimistic, self-pitying, and irrational. Guess what? That didn't help. I felt even worse. 

Sometimes people want and need to be heard, and that's okay. Please consider others' feelings.


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