# Eye-contact!



## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

This has been bothering me for a while. And my SA definitely has a play in it. Everytime I think I'm being watched by a girl, I look at said girl, lock eyes and avert my eyes. That is a no no and shows my shyness.

I want to get rid of it!

So my goal is to not avert my eyes and keep my eyes locked, and if she doesn't avert her eyes I'll just give her a nod or a little wave with my hand.

Sounds like a plan? Let me know!

Oh and females, do you think it's awkward for a guy to give a small wave/nod if you lock eyes? Oh and what do I do when my nod/wave isn't appreciated/given a bad look or whatever? Just smile and role my eyes?


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Not sure why you deleted your post, but thx anyways!


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## PaysageDHiver (Jun 18, 2011)

I'm trying to be better with this too. I avert all the time. I even have trouble looking close friends in the eyes.

Not a female, but: I don't think it's awkward to give a small wave/nod if eyes lock for several seconds. Indeed, it's appropriate.


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

There is a whole psychology to eye contact. Google it. A wave/nod can be a sign of submission actually. You're the one breaking the tension....


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## Grimsey (Apr 21, 2012)

Body language reminds me of that episode of the Twilight Zone with the kid who could read everyone's mind and send them to the corn field. I feel like I'm in a situation similar to that of the kid's parents - even the most subtle body language misstep will be picked up by everyone and I'll end up in the corn field.

Edit: Hmm, that wasn't very helpful, was it? It was just me complaining. More to the topic, one of my friends told me that his strategy is to hold eye contact until the instant the other person looks away.


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## pete993 (Apr 10, 2012)

This is a problem I have quite often, in fact one of the things I get worried about is that I think if I keep eye contact for too long, it will look like I'm staring at them or something.


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

Grimsey said:


> Edit: Hmm, that wasn't very helpful, was it? It was just me complaining. More to the topic, one of my friends told me that his strategy is to hold eye contact until the instant the other person looks away.


I think the bottom line is that eye contact is a non-verbal_ language_. A blanket strategy like your friends would be hit-and-miss. Very successful at times but resulting in altercations or miscommunication at other times.


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## Cileroot (Mar 6, 2012)

I also *used to* have this problem (and still have it when the social situation is very anxiety causing) but I can now *manage in one-on-one conversations or even in a group* of max 4 people (and also with strangers  )

*How I did it:*

I befriended this girl in my class who is in my opinion* the most social person* I know. Not only that, but she is also *impossibly beautiful* so...in other words, *a perfect person to experiment on* 

For the last 10 years I had avoided any contact with her, for the above reasons, but I had noticed in the past that she liked me. Probably because of her other positive side to study a lot. I did too, while others always went out drinking or something, so I might have appeared to be mature enough for her.

But back to present. I figured I'd just start getting more closer to her and it was not that difficult. Though I sucked at eye contact. She is just so confident and "eye-looking" that I was always anxious. But *as we became better and better friends I could start focusing more on "must keep eye-contact"* and "don't worry about your appearance" and you know what?

Although *it took me a month, we now just stare each other while we're having a conversation* and I have* no anxiety* about it. (Though I need to kep reminding myself sometimes, to not look away) The best part is that I enjoy doing it and because of that *I now CAN keep eye contact with other people as well*, even complete strangers. Because, again, her whole beauty and see-to-your-soul way of looking at you has trained me well


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Thx for the comments everyone!

So today I was working out at the gym, hour of cardio after lift weighting and I was really tired. So afterwards I head to the exit and while I look up I see these two girls - not sure how old, but I guess +-16-18- sitting somewhere and I locked eyes with one of them. I didn't really see their faces, just hair and outlines since I had worked out and my eyes were sort of dizzy? 

But I didn't hold the lock and looked away first because I was tired from working out and had no energy to do the eye contact thingy. I was on my way to the tram stop so I just walked to there. So I didn't break the eye contact because I was scared; I did so because I was tired.

Oh well.


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## Vincent Law (Apr 25, 2012)

I'd rather a guy stare at me than some *****


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## LukeT (Mar 31, 2012)

Define Me said:


> So I didn't break the eye contact because I was scared; I did so because I was tired.
> 
> Oh well.


excuses... we all have one


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

It's really awkward when i am a smaller space that is somewhat crowded. Because i have to find something to look at without looking at someone's eyes or any other part of their body.


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## LaChocolatine (Apr 23, 2012)

Define Me said:


> Oh and females, do you think it's awkward for a guy to give a small wave/nod if you lock eyes? Oh and what do I do when my nod/wave isn't appreciated/given a bad look or whatever? Just smile and role my eyes?


I'm not great at the whole eye-contact thing myself, particularly with guys that I don't know well, so I have a tendency to look away really fast when I lock eyes with someone as well...a habit that I'm trying to get rid of! 

There's nothing inappropriate about a small wave or nod after someones been holding eye contact with you, it's just being friendly.  If they don't respond, no harm done! 
If you're worried about it not being appreciated, maybe a nod would be a little bit safer? People don't automatically always respond to a nod with another nod, not in the same way as a wave anyway, so a nod can't exactly be rejected 
If you don't get the response you're hoping for, I'd say just smile and then break eye-contact but I wouldn't look too annoyed or make a point of looking away.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Locking eyes with a beautiful girl is intense, I always get the urge to look away, especially if they start to smile.


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> Locking eyes with a beautiful girl is intense, I always get the urge to look away, especially if they start to smile.


It is intense. Especially when she maintains it. It's intimate and that's why it's difficult.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

LaChocolatine said:


> I'm not great at the whole eye-contact thing myself, particularly with guys that I don't know well, so I have a tendency to look away really fast when I lock eyes with someone as well...a habit that I'm trying to get rid of!
> 
> There's nothing inappropriate about a small wave or nod after someones been holding eye contact with you, it's just being friendly.  If they don't respond, no harm done!
> If you're worried about it not being appreciated, maybe a nod would be a little bit safer? People don't automatically always respond to a nod with another nod, not in the same way as a wave anyway, so a nod can't exactly be rejected
> If you don't get the response you're hoping for, I'd say just smile and then break eye-contact but I wouldn't look too annoyed or make a point of looking away.


Thx! Glad to know I'm not the only one. Hehe.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Anyways; descended a pair of stairs to the metro today, saw this girl and kept my eyes locked but forgot to smile or nod or whatever. She did look away eventually. I didn't look intimidating or whatever, just locked eyes.

Next time, it's time for a smile, lol.


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## xtinatina (May 4, 2012)

*Looking away,this is my problem too.i tried to look at people's eyes in line,at my classrom.i started to look at one's,and the other ones,some of them looked at back to my face but some of them (especially male ones) turned their head.what did i wrong? i have afraid of managing "the time of eye-contact".i guess,i looked at too much nd he/they got me wrong.why did they turn their head? may they be shy too? or they/he* cant stand seeing my face even.i look like such a trash that they dont care to look.i dont know what to do but if a male looked at my eyes nd smiling,nodding,it would make me feel worthy,worthty to give greeting*.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

xtinatina said:


> *Looking away,this is my problem too.i tried to look at people's eyes in line,at my classrom.i started to look at one's,and the other ones,some of them looked at back to my face but some of them (especially male ones) turned their head.what did i wrong? i have afraid of managing "the time of eye-contact".i guess,i looked at too much nd he/they got me wrong.why did they turn their head? may they be shy too? or they/he* cant stand seeing my face even.i look like such a trash that they dont care to look.i dont know what to do but if a male looked at my eyes nd smiling,nodding,it would make me feel worthy,worthty to give greeting*.


This motivated me more, thx! 

And if I ever see you, I'll nod and smile.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

The eye contact thing is working! I'm not looking away at all^^. 

Time for level 2; smiling.


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## SonicMan (May 14, 2012)

Hold your gaze, just a few seconds extra. Smile with your eyes, and barely your mouth. Go back to doing what you are doing. Wait a few minutes, then look back like you want to look at her. Take it from there, or return to the forum for step 2.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Thx SonicMan!


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

So!

Smiled at a girl today, she looked annoyed, think it was because it was morning. But funny thing, I didn´t take it personally, just brushed it away.

Then this other moment in the tram, couldn´t sit anywhere except next to this 7/10 girl, actually stand next to her. She was oddly looking sideways my way every single time. Got sick of it and looked her way, she didn´t gaze back at all, actually just averted, not sure.

Well, good times! Actually had fun, lol!


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

More progress:

Eye contact with at least 5 girls today. Smiled three times, one time given back I suppose.


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## imarchello (Feb 4, 2012)

Awesome, keep it up!

This game with eye-contact --> who'll last longer <-- is one of the reasons i love riding the public transport. Plenty of practice and plenty of strangers.


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## Maninthebox84 (May 3, 2012)

I need to do this more. I get so embarrassed walking next to pretty girls.


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

Maninthebox84 said:


> I need to do this more. I get so embarrassed walking next to pretty girls.


I've noticed I have confidence when I believe I can dominate the interaction. In a way, when I believe that I'm superior. I think it's politically incorrect but I don't think you can have confidence without a sense of superiority.


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## SonicMan (May 14, 2012)

Define... you are going full steam ahead. Awesome! I would assume that eye dances may not guarantee a predictable amount of successes, especially since other people may react surprised, startled, shy, etc. Like you never know, that one female who looked annoyed may have actually not minded it but instead she put on that expression just out of a spontaneous response. But despite the quirky nature of all this, without a doubt the more that you do it the more your confidence will build, the more engaging your presence will be, and you will be on your peak in alert mode once that perfect response is returned back at you by the dreamy eyes of some neat angel. 

Yeah don't let any odd responses bother you. Keep it as feedback, to ensure that by chance maybe you creeped someone out and thus you need to refine the process a bit. But don't take it personally. Your eyes and smile can be a powerful ice breaker, especially if a coolness and sweetness is apparent in your vibes as well.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

SonicMan said:


> Define... you are going full steam ahead. Awesome! I would assume that eye dances may not guarantee a predictable amount of successes, especially since other people may react surprised, startled, shy, etc. Like you never know, that one female who looked annoyed may have actually not minded it but instead she put on that expression just out of a spontaneous response. But despite the quirky nature of all this, without a doubt the more that you do it the more your confidence will build, the more engaging your presence will be, and you will be on your peak in alert mode once that perfect response is returned back at you by the dreamy eyes of some neat angel.
> 
> Yeah don't let any odd responses bother you. Keep it as feedback, to ensure that by chance maybe you creeped someone out and thus you need to refine the process a bit. But don't take it personally. Your eyes and smile can be a powerful ice breaker, especially if a coolness and sweetness is apparent in your vibes as well.


Thx so much!

I'm probably heading to the city today, and for some odd reason I want to try to get a girl's number, lol. Will see if I have the stones to do so. But definitely going for the eye contact!


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## xvxSarahxvx (May 19, 2012)

I would say a little smile would probably come across less seedy than a nod


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

I had this GOLDEN opportunity to ask a girl out today. So I was sitting in the tram, minding my own business. I had shaven and wore clothing that really was nice, well just a red jacket and black pants/shirt. Basically the red and black made my physique pop out.

So I know guys sometimes take things too seriously; but the girl just took the seat next to mine. Well not exactly next to me, more like I was sitting on a solo seat, and a meter to my left she sat. There were 2 seats where she sat, and she sat at the seat closest to mine, the **** am I supposed to think?

I really almost asked her out, but then chickened out. Did make eye contact with other chick. 

>.<


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

I SUCK!

I was in the tram wearing black shorts and a black tanktop (male version). Basically this blonde girl came in the tram and I locked eyes with her, she then looked away. She took a seat not too far away from me, and I counted at least 3 to 5 times that she turned her head around in my direction. She looked like a 7/10 on my scale.

Needless to say I didn't say hello, but I should have.....!

I even let my phone fall hard on the floor in the process of leaving, lol!

Next time! XD


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## imarchello (Feb 4, 2012)

Define Me said:


> I SUCK!
> 
> I was in the tram wearing black shorts and a black tanktop (male version). Basically this blonde girl came in the tram and I locked eyes with her, she then looked away. She took a seat not too far away from me, and I counted at least 3 to 5 times that she turned her head around in my direction. She looked like a 7/10 on my scale.
> 
> ...


Make a fool of yourself and laugh it off - they think it's cute and whatnot. :clap


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## thequietgirl1995 (May 31, 2012)

I have trouble with eye contact too  I did find not wearing my glasses helped a bit. People were blurry so I couldn't see their eyes very clearly. No one ever looks at me so it's not a huge problem.


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