# I want to talk more with my therapist



## SugarPush (Sep 13, 2012)

I am seeing a therapist every week. I have social anxiety, and I do not have friends. My therapist is the only person I can talk to. So, I am happy to talk with him, and I always look forward to it. However, I do not know what I should talk to him about.
I usually talk about what I struggled with or stressed last week quickly, and then I do not know what to say. He asks me "Anything else you want to talk about?" I just say "No". Actually, I want to talk with him more, but I do not know what I should talk about. The therapy is supposed to be one hour, but he finishes much earlier. I feel frustrated.

Could you give me suggestions?


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Can you talk to him about what you've just posted?


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## Known (May 9, 2021)

I’ve experienced similar in the past I know what you mean I think sometimes the anxiety of not knowing what to say to the therapist takes away from the benefit of it! I’ve found CBT based approach more helpful than a counselling type scenario as they give you goals to work to rather than want you to talk about the past. I think you should say to the therapist how you are feeling and it’s up to them to help you with that. It should be led by them not you so hopefully if they are aware you want to talk more they will direct you.A change of therapist could be an option too if feeling uncomfortable x


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

Hi, just curious, when you talk to him in a quick way about what you are struggling with or the things that have stressed you out in the past week do you find him helpful in him spending time in the session going over what you have said? Does he ask questions that help you to talk more about these things? What do you hope to get out of going to see a therapist? 🙂


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## SugarPush (Sep 13, 2012)

Thank you, everyone.
I will try to talk to him about it. I will let you know later.

He is usually helpful. He asks me questions, but I cannot say much. I am quiet and not good at speaking, so I am mostly listening to him. 
I want to overcome my social anxiety. I want to talk with other people.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Making an outline of what you want to talk about prior to each of your sessions might also help. Trying to talk to yourself in your mind or even out loud of that outline, imagine yourself already in your session, like a rehearsal of sorts, it might even help further.


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## RSxo (Apr 19, 2018)

Some people have an idea of what they want to talk about, some others have something on their minds and just let it out. Even talking about not knowing what to say is a good starting point! x


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

SugarPush said:


> Thank you, everyone.
> I will try to talk to him about it. I will let you know later.
> 
> He is usually helpful. He asks me questions, but I cannot say much. I am quiet and not good at speaking, so I am mostly listening to him.
> I want to overcome my social anxiety. I want to talk with other people.


Good luck. As others have said, you can think about questions or topics beforehand and come in with them, and you can also express your interest in improving your conversation skills.

You can also say to your therapist that, because of your difficulties in thinking of what to say, you're not sure you are getting the best out of the sessions. Not sure how long you've been going to this therapist but if you've been going for a while, and have very short sessions but very little improvement, the therapist should be wondering if that one-hour slot is being used most efficiently.

I don't know how extensive your responses are to his questions, but your answers should have some kind of "hook" for them to respond to (normally either a dilemma, or a potentially interesting topic that you're purposely only _hinting_ at). The therapist hopefully gives a substantial response, until which you can show active intrigue in his response and ask him more about it.

Another thing perhaps is to just ask to have a casual conversation - asking the therapist about their life and their current plans etc.


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## SugarPush (Sep 13, 2012)

Thanks, everyone.
All comments are helpful.

Do you think it is ok to have a casual conversation with my therapist or ask questions about his life?


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

SugarPush said:


> Thanks, everyone.
> All comments are helpful.
> 
> Do you think it is ok to have a casual conversation with my therapist or ask questions about his life?


You're welcome. You probably know my opinion on this from my earlier post, so personally I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. They'll no doubt be particular boundaries around some topics but he'd let you know as such. One thing I would suggest is that you are transparent about your plan, even asking him if it's okay. It doesn't sound like you'd be short on time but being transparent about your plan just lets him know you having a casual conversation is still part of the therapy rather than deviating from it.


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## SugarPush (Sep 13, 2012)

I had a therapy session today, and I talked about my feeling that I want to talk to him more but I cannot. Actually, I thought it is difficult to say it, I wrote it down on paper and asked him to read it.
He understood my feeling. Also, I asked him if I can have a casual conversation with him or ask questions about his life, and he said it is ok. He said that it would be a good practice.

Thank you, everyone. I will try to talk to him more.


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## Talkbarelythinkmuch (Dec 11, 2021)

SugarPush said:


> Thanks, everyone.
> All comments are helpful.
> 
> Do you think it is ok to have a casual conversation with my therapist or ask questions about his life?


I think that only helps.. to get more comfortable


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