# Frustrated - Have I got the right therapist?



## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

I'm unemployed and can't afford to get a CBT therapist or one that specifically deals with anxiety. Instead I signed up for a low cost, government subsidised program which provides therapists at reduced fees to unemployed and low income clients. I was assigned an addiction therapist based on a 2 minute telephone converstation where I didn't even bring up my SA (my own fault). 

1st off, I must say I really like my therapist as a person. She really does try, and she cares, she goes over our allotted time every week by 20 mins or more. I've been with her for about 6 months now but I feel like I'm making no progress. I understand therapy is a slow process but I feel like we seem to be rehashing the same things over and over for a while now:

1 - How my SA came about (bullying as a child)
2 - What is happening to me mentally and physically when my SA kicks in, i.e unhealthy negative beliefs based on past bullying that trigger automatic learned responses.

At this point I'm sure I understand 1+2 fully but we still seem to discuss it every session, it seems like we never move on to actually finding a solution. I've bought this up lately because I'm beginining to find myself getting frustrated with the lack of progress. She told me that she has made suggestions in the past but I refused to try them, which is partially true, here are some of those suggestions.

- Medication: I would only take meds as a very last resort, I don't feel comfortable taking them.

- Meditation: I tried, but it did nothing for me, or I'm not capable of doing it properly. It left me frustrated and confused, pretty much the opposite effect it should have had:um

- Al-Anon: My Dad is an alcoholic, but not an abusive one. More like the kind of one who might aswell have not been there at all. I don't think my issues are related to my dads drinking. Also talking in a group and the 'higher power' religious aspect is very offputting for me.

- Face my fears: Put myself into situations that are uncomfortable and learn to 'stay with the fear'. I have no idea what 'staying with the fear' means. I've been putting myself into situations I don't want to be in for the last 10 years, and I have no choice but to stay with the fear?! 

It seems to me that when it comes to the solution she is trying to point me to another source, meditation, medication, al-anon. Maybe this is normal for all therapists though? Or could it be that as an addiction counsellor she just doesn't know how to approach this?


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## Ramondo (Feb 16, 2011)

sleepytime said:


> At this point I'm sure I understand 1+2 fully but we still seem to discuss it every session, it seems like we never move on to actually finding a solution. I've bought this up lately because I'm beginining to find myself getting frustrated with the lack of progress. She told me that she has made suggestions in the past but I refused to try them, which is partially true, here are some of those suggestions.
> 
> It's quite possible that she is also getting frustrated at your lack of progress, and can't think of everything more to offer you. However therapists sometimes find it difficult to say this to patients (I can't help you any more) because they're afraid of a bad reaction from the patient.
> 
> ...


R.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

What do YOU think would help you? If you could step outside of yourself and see you as someone who needs help, what would you think would work for that person? I think everyone has a different way of getting better, and deep down the person knows what they need, but because they are professionals, we expect them to know what will work for us as individuals (when maybe they will never figure it out!). I really think the answer is in us.

She sounds like she has a method or therapy techniques, and is applying them to you, but because you aren't feeling better, it really does sound like she doesn't know what else to do. This is not a bad reflection on you tho! It's just that her knowledge is limited. And she's not concentrating on you and what you need, rather she's sticking to what she was trained to do. At least that's how it sounds. And most therapists are like that anyway. They believe they have, or have to come up with, all the answers, when really, maybe you know what's best for you.

_It's like they have a tool box with certain tools in it, and no matter what's wrong with the person, they apply those tools to everyone, rather than figuring out what the person needs, and then checking to see if they have the right tools._ Know what i mean?

(I also don't like meds, and this was held against me by a counselor--she dropped me because I wouldn't take them aand this was after seeing her for a few years (failed yrs). I also have a personality that happens to be aversive to meditation--it's not relaxing to me at all! People can criticize you for that too, but we should only do what actually works for us! Everything else is a waste of time, I think.)

Maybe you could try to get a different counselor who knows how to treat anxiety disorders? Rather than focusing on addiction which you don't even have a problem with.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Oh, yeah, and I don't get that "staying with the fear" thing. Sounds like useless advice to me!


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Part of the work has to come from yourself. I agree with the other poster who asked, "What do you think you need to do?"

Try thinking about what you think would be beneficial for you instead of just hoping the therapist will come up with the magic words that will cure you instantly.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks for the replies guys, I will have to ponder the 'what do I think would help me' question for a bit because it really isn't obvious to me. 

I know this is no magic wand treatment for this problem but I would like something that would show some results in the short term no matter how small, just to reassure me that the process is actually helping. Maybe thats not possible, but being at a standstill for months on end really makes me lose all faith.


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> What would help you is a good question.
> 
> So is this one: what do you want and how will you know when you've got it?


I just want to feel like I belong again, right now I feel like I don't belong with the rest of the human race. I want to be able to do normal things like keep a job, socialise, date, without feeling a sense of terror. I want to have enough self esteem that everytime I meet someone I don't immediately feel like I'm inferior to them in some way. I just want to live a normal life, I don't have any goals or aspirations other than to be able to function in everyday situations without crippling anxiey.

I did not expect to achieve anything close to that in the space of 6 months, but I'm disappointed I haven't made any progress at all. I'm aware it could be just as much my own fault (or maybe more) as my therapist's though.


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