# When you're at the point when you don't even care anymore and don't want anything



## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

Does that mean you're ok or you're depressed?

You have no wants, no desires in life. You are ok with the way things are, even though you are not happy, you just don't see why you should want any more than you already have. You don't put any effort into improving your life at all or trying to make yourself happier, because you don't see the point. Things are ok the way they are, and any effort you might make to improve anything might lead to errors and failure and worsening. You're not that interested in anything, because you don't see how it would improve your life. You are pretty content with being alone (even though you don't exactly like being too alone), and you accepted that that's how it's always gonna be. That that's just how it has to be. You lost all of your interest in things that bring you joy or health in life, like food and music, and it's hard to get yourself to fill yourself with them, even though you know you really need it. You are always tired, you cover yourself in blankets and sleep or close your eyes and let whatever is in your head satisfy you. You procrastinate a lot and don't take the best care of yourself because, what's the point. Too much effort, and your enthusiasm for anything is just gone.

I guess that actually is being depressed. Even if i tell myself i'm ok with it. I've just given up trying, don't see the point anymore in trying to improve, and that's not ok. Because, sure, you can pretend you're ok and even convince yourself that you are satisfied, but one day something will go slightly wrong for you, and then you will just feel the most miserable that you ever have, because you have been holding back all those feelings for so long and telling yourself that you didn't feel that way. Having all the bad feelings inside of you come out and hit you really hard all at once.

It's like, i want to get better, i want to improve, be healthier, and live a life i actually enjoy. But, there is something inside of me that just does not want to improve. Does not see the point of improving. Is too afraid. Too comfortable. Because things are just ok the way they are now, and any effort in trying to improve will probably lead to errors and failure. It's often hard for me to believe i should still keep trying to improve myself, and to believe i could be much more happy and alive if i would just try. I'm too comfortable and too afraid of failure, and that is making me never get anything done. 

I guess there really is no point in this thread at all, and i don't care if it doesn't make any sense to you. I just wanted to say about how i feel right now. I'm sorry if you actually read any of it.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

Famous said:


> But you just wrote that post, proving to yourself and the readers that you have something to give, to contribute, a point of view, a validity.
> 
> You are down, yup, but not completely depressed, or you wouldnt have typed the post,
> 
> So ... there is a point,


It did help me, to write about that stuff, so i guess it's not pointless after all.


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## getsomeair (Feb 1, 2013)

There are varying degrees of depression. I'm not a psychologist but I think that if you go a long time feeling indifferent, then it could be depression. But everybody has temporary ups and downs. It's hard to judge from a post, I think you have a better way of knowing than we do.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

For a long time, I used to be very miserable about everything and was always crying and feeling horrible about almost everything. Thinking i was the worst person ever. I'm not that way much anymore, but sometimes i do fall back into that because of spending such a long time being indifferent to everything. Or if i take a chance and "fail" at something, then i feel so bad.

Being happy, i think, or i've heard, is when you are really satisfied with what you do have and how your life is, and don't really have any longing for anything you don't have, because what you do have suits your needs just fine. So i sometimes wonder if that is what i am, but then i remember that i do not actually feel happy at all. There's things i do want to change or improve, but i trick myself into thinking i don't want to.


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## Glosoli (May 16, 2011)

weird woman said:


> It's like, i want to get better, i want to improve, be healthier, and live a life i actually enjoy. But, there is something inside of me that just does not want to improve. Does not see the point of improving. Is too afraid. Too comfortable. Because things are just ok the way they are now, and any effort in trying to improve will probably lead to errors and failure.


I can relate to this.

I'm always trying to look at the outcome of every possible move in my life, which I know deep down is irrational and something that I should cease, but I can't seem to stop myself. I feel like it isn't worth the risk to take action in certain areas in my life because of how long it has taken me to reach this point of not caring so much and feeling fairly comfortable with myself.

It sounds like an excuse and it probably is. I don't even know anymore. 
I'm working on going back to school at the moment which is a big deal for me so I'm not completely idle, but anything more feels out of my reach. I'm just trying to feel happy in other ways since I've spent so many years feeling miserable with myself.


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## iNeedtoRelax (Jul 1, 2012)

I feel the same.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

It sounds like depression to me. But I fully understand the feeling because I'm going through much the same thing in many ways. I'm unhappy with my life as it is, but I don't see the point in trying to improve anymore, because the way is fraught with failures (I can't count how many times in the past I was CERTAIN I was doing the right thing and things would turn out great, only for me to fail miserably and end up feeling even worse than I did before I tried :rain )...all that trying so hard in life seems to have done is make me feel even more awful and broken. Why contribute to that? Why keep trying and failing? Plus even if I did get better, so what?--I can't make any friends around here. I honestly think I'd be better off learning to be content to be alone.

The difference between us is, I still have pastimes and interests that make me happy in small ways...this is why I think what you're experiencing is depression, because such things no longer bring you any happiness, and that makes me sad to read.  Even if such things are nothing more than a temporary distraction, they're good to have, they bring SOME small meaning to life. I hope at some point you can gain those feelings back, at least.

I identify in all kinds of ways with this thread.


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## Odinn (Dec 15, 2012)

weird woman said:


> It's like, i want to get better, i want to improve, be healthier, and live a life i actually enjoy. But, there is something inside of me that just does not want to improve. Does not see the point of improving. Is too afraid. Too comfortable. Because things are just ok the way they are now, and any effort in trying to improve will probably lead to errors and failure. It's often hard for me to believe i should still keep trying to improve myself, and to believe i could be much more happy and alive if i would just try. I'm too comfortable and too afraid of failure, and that is making me never get anything done.


This part in particular weighs heavy on my heart.
It's how I feel a lot of the time.
I really don't know what else to say.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

I feel almost exactly the same way. It feels like my effort is not worth anything because everything 'good' in life that I actually enjoyed having/experiencing was pure luck.. not because of my good qualities or skills or looks or anything, but pure luck.. and they go away just as easily as they were found. I feel like nothing about myself except slightly above average intelligence has gotten me anywhere in this world.. no 'good' qualities, just average or below average. Everything good I experienced was out of my control, just came into life randomly.


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## tsuga (Jul 12, 2012)

At least it's a peaceful way to be. I'll take apathy over pain any day.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Maybe many of the things you don't reach for really just aren't important to you. I think anyone will do little things to widen their experience or think differently and in some way, improve. Even little goals seem natural enough for people. Even when I feel a little stuck and like nothing around me is changing and I'm doing nothing to change it, if I look a little closer, it's never really quite the same all the time, and I'm not responding to it quite the same all the time either.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

tehuti88 said:


> It sounds like depression to me. But I fully understand the feeling because I'm going through much the same thing in many ways. I'm unhappy with my life as it is, but I don't see the point in trying to improve anymore, because the way is fraught with failures (I can't count how many times in the past I was CERTAIN I was doing the right thing and things would turn out great, only for me to fail miserably and end up feeling even worse than I did before I tried :rain )...all that trying so hard in life seems to have done is make me feel even more awful and broken. Why contribute to that? Why keep trying and failing? Plus even if I did get better, so what?--I can't make any friends around here. I honestly think I'd be better off learning to be content to be alone.
> 
> The difference between us is, I still have pastimes and interests that make me happy in small ways...this is why I think what you're experiencing is depression, because such things no longer bring you any happiness, and that makes me sad to read.  Even if such things are nothing more than a temporary distraction, they're good to have, they bring SOME small meaning to life. I hope at some point you can gain those feelings back, at least.
> 
> I identify in all kinds of ways with this thread.


You're right, it would be a big improvement if i can just find something that i'm interested in enough to keep doing. There's that part of me that doesn't want to, because laziness, fear of failure, no enthusiasm and no motivation. But i will be a lot better off when i do have things i like to do. I hope i can.


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## AngelInnocent (May 27, 2012)

Just from looking at the title, I'd say you're depressed. You need to get yourself out of that rut by quit being okay with just being okay. You must want things in life and you have to fight for it!


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

antireconciler said:


> Maybe many of the things you don't reach for really just aren't important to you. I think anyone will do little things to widen their experience or think differently and in some way, improve. Even little goals seem natural enough for people. Even when I feel a little stuck and like nothing around me is changing and I'm doing nothing to change it, if I look a little closer, it's never really quite the same all the time, and I'm not responding to it quite the same all the time either.


Yeah, i guess nothing really matters to me that much. Or i don't really want anything enough to try for it. I do small things sometimes that i think will help me a little, but i don't think it really matters. But maybe it does.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

AngelInnocent said:


> Just from looking at the title, I'd say you're depressed. You need to get yourself out of that rut by quit being okay with just being okay. You must want things in life and you have to fight for it!


Yeah, that's how i feel. I feel like, there must be something i want, something better than the way i've been being. But i guess the problem is, i don't know what i want. But i hope i can find out what i want.


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## Icewolf (Jan 21, 2014)

This post really helps me to put my own situation into words.
Thank you.


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

Boring Loser said:


> There's things i do want to change or improve, but i trick myself into thinking i don't want to.


That's how I am.


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## Lorn (Apr 7, 2014)

Sounds like fear. You get to a place in life that isn't too bad, and you're afraid that any motion will rock the boat and you'll fall over again, unable to stay standing.

But not being interested in anything doesn't sound like fear to me.


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## swkyle (Sep 9, 2014)

*not boring*

I feel the very same way. Why? I really don't know. I'm just done with this meaningless life. But I will hang in there if you do.


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