# i think i like someone



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

*i think i like someone / (edit) i know i like someone*

so i met this girl at an anxiety meetup. we didn't really talk, but i'm interested. she's cute and introverted. i really want to get to know her better but i don't want to seem creepy... not really sure how to approach this. what do you think is the best approach?

i guess i could just keep going to the meetups and hope she comes along and we can get to know each other a bit. i'd probably send her a message through the meetup site that it was nice to meet her and that i hope to see her again some time. maybe i could start a conversation online. that's probably best.

it would be creepy to ask her out straight away wouldn't it? and that's not really what i want anyway. but what if she is already seeing someone? or what if someone else asks her out first?

well any advice would be appreciated. happy to be attracted to someone's personality as well as looks for once, at least at a fairly superficial level.


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## NjoyDfriendZ (Nov 16, 2011)

*I think you could try and sit next to her at the next meet if your comfortable doing so, then casually introduce yourself. i don't think its weird and she shouldn't be too alarmed by it after all your at a meeting with a group of people. *


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

huzzah she has replied.

new information: she likes non-mainstream movies

which is great because i have been horribly disappointed by girls from online dating in the past saying their fav movies were adam sandler movies. also i hate simon pegg. just thought i'd say that.

you may go.


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## NjoyDfriendZ (Nov 16, 2011)

*Lol glad you took the first step and adam sandler sucks! I guess take it slow and see where it goes from there, congrats!*


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

just take it casually at first i guess. that's what i'd do. if you want something bad enough you always go for it. that is the golden rule.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

You're the first guy I've come across that doesn't adore Adam Sandler. Interesting...what's your opinion on Will Ferral? 

Anyway, no it's not weird or creepy. Remember how you met her - a meet up.  As far as I understand it, the point is to get to know others so for you to get to know her seems almost expected. You've got a subject at the ready - go talk to her!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

seafolly said:


> You're the first guy I've come across that doesn't adore Adam Sandler. Interesting...what's your opinion on Will Ferral?
> 
> Anyway, no it's not weird or creepy. Remember how you met her - a meet up.  As far as I understand it, the point is to get to know others so for you to get to know her seems almost expected. You've got a subject at the ready - go talk to her!


can't say i really have an opinion on will ferral. nothing for or against really. i believe i've only seen him in one or two movies - which were nothing special.

but then, i don't really like any actors in particular.


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## NjoyDfriendZ (Nov 16, 2011)

*Hey don't forget to update and let us know how things went!*


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

NjoyDfriendZ said:


> *Hey don't forget to update and let us know how things went!*


things are fine. i replied to her email, she replied, i replied.

i made a meetup for my anxiety group but looks like i may be the only one going! so that may be weird. even weirder if just one other person comes. awkward! but awkward is good i guess. i don't know when i will see the girl again.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

oh, she's coming to today's anxiety group meetup at a cafe, which i am going to also. i know that should be a positive thing but its making me very anxious. sure its an opportunity to get to know her better but it also an opportunity to screw up. and its with the group which i find rather awkward. i did suggest she come along in my last email to her... but i didn't actually expect her to! lol. need to prepare... nervous.


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## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

Good luck, mate.

Take it as a normal meeting. You can't get nervous over factors you can't change. To me, it looks like you're doing perfectly so far. Keep going!


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## NjoyDfriendZ (Nov 16, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> oh, she's coming to today's anxiety group meetup at a cafe, which i am going to also. i know that should be a positive thing but its making me very anxious. sure its an opportunity to get to know her better but it also an opportunity to screw up. and its with the group which i find rather awkward. i did suggest she come along in my last email to her... but i didn't actually expect her to! lol. need to prepare... nervous.


*Sounds good , i think she's probably anxious too so your not alone. The fact that you suggested her to come and she is coming should be a hint that this girl is interested. Don't focus so much on what you think will happen just let things flow and try to be as comfortable in person with her as you were when emailing her. Good luck bro*


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

well.... yesterday didn't go so well. i hardly talked at all at the meetup. afterwards, i was walking in the same direction as her so we did some small talk. which was good. but also i was being quite depressed after not talking. i had to call my ex to let off some steam. i'm not sure how other people feel at those meetups, but afterwards i usually feel very bad.

anyway back to possible relationship stuff, yes does similar in SA to me in some ways, she didn't really talk much during the meetup, but was fine with one on one small talk. i'm so bad at this stuff, i don't know what to do/say. i don't know why i'm so intent on this being a possible relationship. i should just take it as an opportunity to make a new friend. i'm not really good enough to have a relationship with anyone.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

For the record neither Adam Sandler nor Will Ferrell suck. If you think they suck, you are probably too young to understand them and have been super spoiled by raunchy internet humour. 

Don't give up now Andy, good luck man.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

falling down said:


> For the record neither Adam Sandler nor Will Ferrell suck. If you think they suck, you are probably too young to understand them and have been super spoiled by raunchy internet humour.
> 
> Don't give up now Andy, good luck man.


thanks 

i just think most of adam sandler's jokes are really immature. his first few movies were kind of mediocre family entertainment i guess. i hear he was good in _punch drunk love_, but i haven't seen it. i don't watch much comedy. dylan moran is funny. and i love the movie _forgetting sarah marshall_, its hilarious.


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## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

I think Adam Sandler is really unfunny as well. I just put it down to being American mainstream humour and that I don't get it being British. At worst, I find him highly slappable and plain untalented and irritating. Then again, I do like a lot of American comedians - Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor, Larry David, Bill Murray....the list goes on. 

I like Will Ferrell, I believe he has good comedy chops and is at times brilliant (Step Brothers being my favourite).


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

well she has replied to my second email. she certainly takes a long time to reply. but its okay. the whole initial attraction thing seems to be wearing off. i'm not that fickle though, nor am i in a hurry. i will persist with the original until i learn if she is interested and if she is compatible. i should be seeing her on saturday at a cafe meetup with some of the anxiety group.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

good luck! Don't give up 

fyi - coming from a shy girl - I think there could be a thousand reasons why she takes a long time to reply. I am doing the online thing and whenever I get a reply from someone I like I get nervous seeing that I have one, so I won't even read it for a while. Also, she just could be busy and wants to have to time to write something thoughtful. Or she just doesn't check her e-mail all the time.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Too young to understand Adam sandler and Will Ferrell? LOL they are two of the most immature, unfunny, overrated actors ever. They always play the same person too, a naive out of it childish type of character. Especially Will Ferrell...its the same joke over and over. Horrible.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i'm having such a hard time writing this email. i don't know how to let her know i like her in that way without sounding creepy. it should be semi obvious by now since i emailed her in the first place, i gave her my number (which she hasn't used yet). i'm asking her to hang out after the cafe thing on saturday. i guess thats enough.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

andy1984:1059487837 said:


> i'm having such a hard time writing this email. i don't know how to let her know i like her in that way without sounding creepy. it should be semi obvious by now since i emailed her in the first place, i gave her my number (which she hasn't used yet). i'm asking her to hang out after the cafe thing on saturday. i guess thats enough.


Uhh yeh man, don't spill your guts that will just make her run. Try to be cool and calm and not let your feelings get blown out of proportion. You can do this by not setting your expectations too high and not overthinking this whole situation. Just ask.her out and whatever happens happens. If you have THAT attitude, good things WILL happen.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

it was nice. she didn't go to the cafe meetup but she texted me to say she'd like to hang out. we walked around town for a while. anyway i think it was good. i'm not sure what she thinks about me though. i texted her after to say i had a good time, and that i like her. her reply was just thanks for the text. so not negative, but not hugely positive either. she still seems to not be that interested. but who knows. oh also, at the end she said she'd see me at the next meetup thing, which makes me think she just wants to see me in the group.i think she's pretty and she's quite smart and also has good taste. she's very introverted i think, though she usually talked more than i did, or at least equally as much.

anyway, i spent time with a girl and it wasn't a complete disaster. i guess thats success of a kind.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

don't forget she is there for a reason "despression, anxiety" maybe that has an affect on how she replies to certain things like expressing love or texting "i like you too" .
maybe she wants to know you(during meetings) better before she says something like that.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i think about her quite often these days. if its going to be something i think i need to take the initiative. i'll see if she wants to go on a date and make it really clear that its a date.

i just texted her. wonder how she will reply.

i offhandedly tried to squash a little fly just now and then realised what i did. poor fly. lucky for both of us i missed it. i'm sorry little fly, i don't know what i was doing.


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## Dear turtle (Sep 7, 2011)

I think she likes you!
Keep us updated!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i took my rubbish out so now i don't think the flies will have anything to eat. i have 2 bananas, i guess they can eat the skins when i eat them. thats probably what they were eating before.

oh and she texted back and we are going to do something after the meetup today, which is at 2. i don't know what to do though. i mean i'm super happy to just hang out with her and do whatever. but i feel like there's pressure to be more impressive somehow.

how do you prepare for a date? what are good but simple date ideas? my favourite and most relaxing places/dates have been beaches and parks. i don't really like other places. a movie is always an option if i feel comfortable initiating a certain amount of physical contact. otherwise its just sitting there.


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## factmonger (Aug 4, 2010)

I'd say a good first date could be just hanging out and getting acquainted with each other. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Maybe grab a bite to eat or talk over coffee. 

Chilling at a park or beach sounds great too. Just roll with it. You'll find what feels right as you go along.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

factmonger said:


> I'd say a good first date could be just hanging out and getting acquainted with each other. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Maybe grab a bite to eat or talk over coffee.
> 
> Chilling at a park or beach sounds great too. Just roll with it. You'll find what feels right as you go along.


its funny because i'm not sure if last time was a date or not. i think we sat too close together for it to have been just a hangout thing. i don't know. i asked date-like questions. does that make it a date or a pre-date thing?

i definitely want to play with her hands and kiss her this time but i'm not sure how it'll go.

anyway no plan is probably the best plan, you are right. i believe that's a principle of daoism, i'd go look it up if i were less lazy.


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## StayingMotivated (Sep 5, 2011)

ask her out for coffee or something casual.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

we got dinner and then went to a park. i pretty much ran out of talk at the park, but we walked around, looked at the xmas lights. just got home at 12am. that would make the date about 4-5 hours in total. i did play with her hand and held her hands - which she seemed to appreciate. i touched her face to kind of prepare for a kiss, but she didn't look like she was interested in a kiss so i didn't try. i also asked some relationship questions which is something i wanted to do also.

one strange thing is that we sat and watched a band for a while, as well as stopped in the square where there was music. she seemed content to just sit and listen for a very long time. i was actually a little uncomfortable and a little bored doing that but i thought it was okay, if thats what she likes to do. plus i got to just hold her for that time, so i was happy with that.

in all, it was a success. she seems to want to see me again. yay. i think it was actually quite a memorable night for me.


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## Downwiththesickness (Nov 13, 2010)

you seem pretty confident with her which is good - good on you!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i wrote a post about all this crap. but i'm just getting into my head too much.

either she wants to see me this weekend or not. i'll just have to wait and see.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Aviator said:


> Nice job, wish you the best of luck! I'm in a similar situation at well (met a girl at an SA group and asked her out). We went out to lunch once and she said she wanted to meet up again, but he hasn't responded to the last couple texts I've sent and it's been a couple days. I'm hoping she's just nervous or lost her phone, because I feel I'm getting ignored by yet another girl


thanks aviator. yeah sucks when they don't reply. don't look at it as her rejecting you, look at it as you rejecting her for not being communicative enough. just remember that she has SA, she may just be busy, etc. well at least that's the way i am trying to look at it.

but still :rain


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## FastLad (May 4, 2011)

I'm in sort of a similar situation at the moment with someone I recently met at an axiety meet, but it isn't a girl, it's a duck. I was actually on my way TO the meet when I spotted her waddling (yes it is a girl duck) just outside the park. I don't really believe in all that wishy-washy love at first sight type of stuff, but there was a definate attraction.

I didn't say much when I passed, sort of awkwardly mumbled good morning and glanced at her. She didn't say anything. Besides that we haven't actually talked, and I'm unsure on how to proceed. Even if I somehow mustered up the courage to ask her out, where would that leave us? I come from a predominantly catholic background so I'm unsure how my family would react when/if they found out I was seeing a duck.

I plan on heading down to the park tomorrow to see if she's there, was thinking of bringing something alone as a gift but don't want to be cheesey and bring a loaf, suggestions?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

just texted her a pretty definitive text. so can now sit back and relax. no reply = meh.

FastLad, this girl is much better than a duck. the only reason i would ever compare her to a duck is to point out how much better than a duck she is. if you want to date a duck, fine. i believe salad would make a wholesome gift. however, please find a real girl! i suspect the duck may not be interested in your off-the-wall sense of humor. ducks are very serious creatures.


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## Sage Sagan (Dec 12, 2011)

My best dates so far have been sitting in a car after getting coffee and just talking, going to the library and whispering too loudly as we read books, and driving to Barnes and Nobles to explore the selection.

There's a few ideas for you.

Also, from what little I know about you and chiefly gathered from your posts, you tend to obsess about small details and sometimes go off on a tangent. There's nothing wrong with this, but make sure the girl you're going out with is the type that isn't turned off by your personality and trait. It could save you a lot of awkward silences.

As for not getting back with you, I lost a phone and didn't get back with a date for two days one time. Things happen. Wait.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Sage Sagan said:


> My best dates so far have been sitting in a car after getting coffee and just talking, going to the library and whispering too loudly as we read books, and driving to Barnes and Nobles to explore the selection.
> 
> There's a few ideas for you.
> 
> ...


i do obsess over small details. i have no patience. anyway, i'm seeing her today. huzzah.


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## tigerlily81 (Dec 23, 2011)

Liking a girl isn't "creepy". It's ok to say you like us. Or ask us to go to the park or the movies.

How are things now?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

today was good. we went to a movie and walked around. we talked a bit more. i find that the momentum i had in the beginning has waned a bit as far as conversation is concerned. there are positive signals as well as indifferent ones.

good ones
1) she seems to like touching hands now
2) she likes sitting close
3) she acts positively

indifferent ones
1) she doesn't really look at me
2) she doesn't seem to want to kiss me - i kissed her on the cheek but she didn't turn to face me for a kiss
3) she isn't open to discourse via text about things after i see her - eg. i texted that i had a good time, etc. and that i had wanted to kiss her, she replied sweet dreams, thanks for your good company.

i think the correct thing to do is next time we are talking i should move the conversation towards what she is attracted to in guys, does she like kissing, etc. and see where that leads.

*edit* i should also mention that i experience a few (baseless, paranoid) insecurities involving someone she has asked about a few times - she laughed at something he said once, i noticed then that she has a beautiful laugh and thought that i hadn't made her laugh but someone else did. hence the insecurity. yet what? she's not allowed to laugh? not allowed to ask about people that i know? the insecurity consists mostly in that i don't have any reassurance that she isn't seeing me just because i happened to be the only one to ask her vs her actually making an active choice. am i just 'good company'? i do have some small evidence that she thinks of me when i'm not around based on some texts she has sent.

now about the movie.... 'malencholia'.... i think it was about death and your reaction to it. its inevitable, you just don't know when its going to happen. the dude who was quite scientific killed himself when he learned that death was inevitable because rationally if you're going to die anyway nothing you do really matters. yes he left his wife and family behind but they were all doomed anyway. the depressed girl, she had so many people putting pressure on her in so many different ways it was ridiculous. and then she screwed the guy that had no power to pressure her, and then rejected him when he tried to act like he had some power, which he clearly did not have. she came to really look forward to, welcome, and wallow in the idea of finality. the sister was the most admirable i think, she was the one that lived in the present the most. i think that is one of the main lessons of the movie - you are going to die, this is beyond your control, so you may as well live in the present. the present may be scary, but its all you have. oh and religion was just something they invented to soothe the boy, the idea that they would be safe in the magical cave. AND i have to mention the servants, who always helped everyone even when those in charge didn't want them to or when they were just screwing with them. humble, unrelenting, unconditional goodness.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Yeah I kinda would be discouraged about this thing going beyond friendship after that. Most of the time when a girl is like that it means she's not interested in you that way. But she does have SA. She might just be painfully shy and insecure. 

Maybe some girls would wring my neck for saying this but you should maybe consider other options and talk to other girls too. Its not like you are in a relationship right? She hasnt declared that she likes you in that way so I don't see why not.


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## tigerlily81 (Dec 23, 2011)

The girl might like you (holding hands and sitting close) but just not ready to kiss yet. Or she may like you only as a friend, but she clearly chooses to be in your company. I do agree with phoenix though, you are perfectly free to pursue other connections. I think you have done great so far! Congratulations on all your successes!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i'd feel... odd going after other girls. at least untill have a talk with her about this. i don't normally talk to other girls anyway, and the only girls i could talk to are in the same anxiety group.

i'll see how it goes.

how can i begin the talk? we have to be somewhere somewhat private. i guess whatever i open with is going to be something... 'so do you like kissing?' 'what do you find attractive?' 'what do you want from a relationship?'. those kinds of questions? what i really want to know is IN WHAT WAY DO YOU LIKE ME, AND WHERE DO YOU SEE THIS GOING?

Dear K,

You are a beautiful, kind, and brilliant girl. I appreciate that you are very introverted, but at the same time you seem very confident to me. Please let me know how you feel about me before I succumb to people's suggestions that I "talk to other girls".

Yours (untill further notice),
andy


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i probably will have sent this by the time anyone replies, but this is the email i intend to send. please tell me what you think? even if the advice probably comes after the fact:



> hi K
> 
> thought i'd email you... i wanted to talk in person but this is easier... not better, but at least easier. its also probably a little foolish, but that's just the kind of thing i always do. i'm not sure if its based in insecurity or in a healthy need for communication. anyway, i don't usually meet people i like, and i like you. i think i made that pretty obvious. for whatever reason, i feel like i need something from you. i mean you act like you kind of like me in person, hrm or maybe you are just going along with it because that's what you do? you don't text often, but i guess that's just a difference of habit. since i don't know anything about your last relationship i don't know what you expect or whats normal for you. i try to just go with what seems to be comfortable to you, which is fine. i guess i just want to know what you think.
> 
> ...


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

I would think again about the bolded bit. Definitely remove the underlined bit - that's not going to go down too well imo. The rest sounds good. Good luck andy!


andy1984 said:


> i probably will have sent this by the time anyone replies, but this is the email i intend to send. please tell me what you think? even if the advice probably comes after the fact:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

mind_games said:


> I would think again about the bolded bit. Definitely remove the underlined bit - that's not going to go down too well imo. The rest sounds good. Good luck andy!


thanks for the prompt reply. i think i just needed someone to not say i'm crazy for sending it or thinking in this way. i took out that bit. now to wait for a week for her reply... lol


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Honestly I don't think the e-mail was the right way to go about it. I think I would have rather straight up said "hey I like you" in-person than wrote the e-mail. DONE. There's no point in investing so much emotionally when a girl hasn't even made it clear that she likes you.

Have you tried flirting with her?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

phoenixwright said:


> Honestly I don't think the e-mail was the right way to go about it. I think I would have rather straight up said "hey I like you" in-person than wrote the e-mail. DONE. There's no point in investing so much emotionally when a girl hasn't even made it clear that she likes you.
> 
> Have you tried flirting with her?


i've already told her i like her. she has actually made it semi-clear she likes me. she would rest her head on my shoulder when we sat at a park. i don't know how to flirt. we held hands, played with hands, i put my arm around her. i know saying it in person would be better, but i avoid doing things like that. its better to just do it in any way at all rather than to delay.

can you give me some examples of flirting? i think i'd find it easier to just kiss her.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'll be the first to say to NOT worry about flirting or anything like that. There is no need to push yourself. The time will happen when your both comfortable enough around each other.

I'm not an advocate on pushing things. Ironically, when I don't push things they just happen, and I know how cliche that sounds.

Still, if you sincerely want to flirt with her or you feel it is time to then that is fine too. To be honest, I'm not that good at flirting unless I'm teasing the girl or I'm in a really sexual state and it's elevated. Moments will happen where it'll happen naturally. I think it usually happens when you both are comfortable enough around each other.

I got to ask you though, do you want to sexually flirt or just play flirt? Those are two different things. Sexually flirting is getting close to her and whispering in her ear or rubbing her thighs, etc. Casual teasing kind of flirting is joking around with her and stuff. Really, I hardly casual flirt unless I really know the girl because I think it's awkward when you don't know someone.

My whole philosophy is just getting to know the girl; not pushing things and if I "feel" the needs or desire to act a certain way (flirt in any manner) then I will, and it usually happens because it's a natural in attraction in my opinion. I guess you could force it but I hate forcing crap when I'd rather build comfort and rapport first. I think flirting comes after comfort in a lot of instances unless your super confident and don't really care about the outcome or what she thinks and you just go for it.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i kind of think the email was kind of a mistake now. but that's only because she texted me just now to see how i am. i guess i just needed something - anything - from her and i just hadn't gotten it for a while. i feel better. but still, i guess the email might be helpful.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

the email was not a mistake. saw her today and talked. it was great. quite happy.

also, deerhoof is playing here in auckland on the 7th. got my ticket. this is so amazing! one of my favorite bands of all time!!!!!!!!!!!


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Happy to hear it went well! :clap


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

phoenixwright said:


> You going out with that girl from the SA meetup group on NYE? Nice. If the moment feels right, go for the kiss man. :yes Just let things flow though. That doesn't give you an excuse to not do things that scare you. All of us here with SA need to challenge ourselves to get outside our comfort zone. But I think it's very important to get to that point where we actually our comfortable and confident enough to not even think about it. I was really worried about how a kiss was going to play out with my then-girlfriend. But once that comfort level is there, you don't even think about it and it plays out well.  And honestly I don't see the harm in trying to escalate bit-by-bit instead of just playing conservatively.
> 
> If she responds well to the closed mouth kiss, you can try to go for open-mouth.


yes i'm seeing her tonight. its with the group though. i can't seem to carry over my good behavior with her in private into a group setting. its good practice, and i'll be happy just to see her.



bwidger85 said:


> I'll be the first to say to NOT worry about flirting or anything like that. There is no need to push yourself. The time will happen when your both comfortable enough around each other.
> 
> I'm not an advocate on pushing things. Ironically, when I don't push things they just happen, and I know how cliche that sounds.
> 
> ...


i feel the same way about forcing things. i don't think i'll really try to flirt, just let it happen naturally.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

so update....

things are good. my mind has been less turbulent lately. briefly met her dad today. she told me to text her if i was coming to this jazz in the park thing, and i did but she didn't reply and i stumbled upon them when i got there. introduced myself but didn't really talk to him. he offered me cherries. that was it. apparently she hadn't told him she was seeing anyone - they don't talk about that kind of thing. well i guess he knows now. i'm glad i met him, he seems very nice.

beyond this point it seems like its just day in day out stuff. nothing much to post about. communication between us is loosening up so that i can just talk to her about whatever may come up.

i do wonder why the most beautiful girl in this upside-down world has ended up with me. i don't quite see her as 'my girl friend' yet, but i would say we are 'together' or 'seeing one another'. we're far enough into this that it would take something fairly eventful to break us apart.

so - success. after a number of miss-starts with other girls this one seems to have stuck. huzzah


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hell yeah man, awesome!

something i've learned recently:

It's not the number of rejections that matter but the few successes you do achieve. 

This succession will bring more fruit than any rejection previously encountered by leaps and bounds, and so it is well worth the stumbles to get there.



One question though: have you been romantically physical in any sense with her?


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

great to hear


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> One question though: have you been romantically physical in any sense with her?


yep. don't wanna disclose the personal details. but yep.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

andy1984 said:


> so update....
> 
> things are good. my mind has been less turbulent lately. briefly met her dad today. she told me to text her if i was coming to this jazz in the park thing, and i did but she didn't reply and i stumbled upon them when i got there. introduced myself but didn't really talk to him. he offered me cherries. that was it. apparently she hadn't told him she was seeing anyone - they don't talk about that kind of thing. well i guess he knows now. i'm glad i met him, he seems very nice.
> 
> ...


Good going Andy! :clap


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> yep. don't wanna disclose the personal details. but yep.


Did you two kiss on the lips/mouth yet? Last time you talked about her, you mentioned that she was uncomfortable with more than a peck on the cheek or something like that. You don't have to say anymore than that. Though you are welcome to PM me with the juicy details. :lol


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> i probably will have sent this by the time anyone replies, but this is the email i intend to send. please tell me what you think? even if the advice probably comes after the fact:


Your lucky this girl likes you man cuz that e-mail was horrendous  anyways congrats:clap


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

New2LA said:


> Your lucky this girl likes you man cuz that e-mail was horrendous  anyways congrats:clap


Every woman is an individual. Unlike what they teach guys in PUA (Vin DiCarlo believes in "types" but his types system is very limited and I don't like the philosophy behind his stuff. It's sleazy. There's only like 8 types in his system as well) and "dating guides for men". And honestly I think if a girl likes you, she will overlook some things anyway. For all I know she might have been impressed that he came on "too strong". No one is perfect and as a 29 year old girl (I think he mentioned she's 29 on another thread) she probably realizes that now. That there's no perfect guy who says all the right things at all the right times that's going to sweep her off her feet. As you get older, you typically become more realistic and have less interest in playing games. I agree the e-mail seemed horrendous. But maybe not as much as I thought.


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

OK, I just read through this entire thread, and I gotta say I'm rooting for you man! I really hope this whole situation works out for you (sounds like it is). I love reading these dating stories on here, following it, hearing happy outcomes-it's so inspiring and I'm so happy for you. Keep us updated!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

phoenixwright said:


> Did you two kiss on the lips/mouth yet? Last time you talked about her, you mentioned that she was uncomfortable with more than a peck on the cheek or something like that. You don't have to say anymore than that. Though you are welcome to PM me with the juicy details. :lol


ah, its all super secret. lol.



New2LA said:


> Your lucky this girl likes you man cuz that e-mail was horrendous  anyways congrats:clap





phoenixwright said:


> I agree the e-mail seemed horrendous. But maybe not as much as I thought.


you guys really thought it was horrendous? why? i'm just curious. the email was almost content-less, it was just another way to open up communication. was it the self-disclosure that was horrendous? i think it expressed my desire for more communication, it reaffirmed that i liked her, and asked for the increased feedback that i wanted. sure it was clumsy. but it was classic me. it wasn't meant to be impressive.



sean88 said:


> OK, I just read through this entire thread, and I gotta say I'm rooting for you man! I really hope this whole situation works out for you (sounds like it is). I love reading these dating stories on here, following it, hearing happy outcomes-it's so inspiring and I'm so happy for you. Keep us updated!


lol this thread reminds me of my last relationship thread thread from 2006. hmm learned lots since then. if you look at the last page of that thread:



andy1984 said:


> ... And now its over. **** **** ****. I have nothing.


yes she dumped me, but 6 months later we got back together and had a good 2.5 years longer together and she is still my best friend. i think that relationship has prepared me for anything! ah the wonders of life lol.

its cool looking at my old threads. i've been on here forever. its like a diary. i think my old poems were even kind of good.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> hi K
> 
> thought i'd email you... i wanted to talk in person but this is easier... not better, but at least easier. its also probably a little foolish, but that's just the kind of thing i always do.* i'm not sure if its based in insecurity or in a healthy need for communication*. anyway, i don't usually meet people i like, and i like you. i think i made that pretty obvious. for whatever reason, i feel like i need something from you. *i mean you act like you kind of like me in person, hrm or maybe you are just going along with it because that's what you do*? *you don't text often*, but i guess that's just a difference of habit. since i don't know anything about your last relationship i don't know what you expect or whats normal for you. i try to just go with what seems to be comfortable to you, which is fine. i guess i just want to know what you think.
> 
> ...


It wasn't so bad I guess. Since she obviously likes you, you're doing something right. It was just these bolded parts make you sound very unconfident and unsure of yourself to me. The part where you said-anyway, see you at the new years thing, or before if you want - or after or whatever. especially made me cringe lol. It might be just me but that came across to me as you having 0 confidence. I would of said something like would you like to go to the new years thing with me? or are you going to the new years thing? maybe we could meet up? Anyways I wish you luck, my friend. Sorry for the criticism, just trying to help..


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

^Sometimes it is just best to speak your mind. Dating and relationships should be the ideal instance to speak the truth as it clears frustration and confusion, and being dating is riddled with rejection and vulnerable moments this sincerity makes perfect sense.


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## New2LA (Dec 18, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> ^Sometimes it is just best to speak your mind. Dating and relationships should be the ideal instance to speak the truth as it clears frustration and confusion, and being dating is riddled with rejection and vulnerable moments this sincerity makes perfect sense.


True. I did like some of the parts of the letter. I didn't think it was all bad lol. I would of just edited those couple sentences..


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

its been about 10 months since i met her.

love you honey ^_^


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