# asian families are awful for self esteem



## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

So I've been back home for 3 days, and I've been bombarded with comments from relatives about how I'm too skinny, got sunspots on my face, my boobs got smaller, I dress ****ty, rude comments about me being vegetarian and how my piercing makes me look like a cow.

One of my aunts and uncles are totally terrified of their kids turning out like me. They say stuff like "you wouldn't stop eating MEAT would you? You wouldn't eat bland rabbit food for life?" and "If you misbehave I'll pierce your nose like your cousin and tie a rope to lead you around like a cow!"

So obviously the kids say no because of the mocking way they say it. It just pisses me off because instead of stating their opinions on why being vegetarian or getting piercings is bad, they make it into this shameful humiliating thing that gets ingrained in their brains without letting the kids think about why it is. Plus I haven't gotten to the point where shame and humiliation doesn't bother me so it's also just hurtful on a very basic level.

I'd rather they said stuff like being vegetarian is unhealthy (which isn't true) or that piercings will make it hard to get jobs or ANYTHING resembling a valid argument really. They're also teaching their kids to not respect me and it's so passive aggressive that I never build up the courage to speak up. Luckily the kids still love me since I take them swimming and play with them, but I can tell they've adopted their parents viewpoint about me being weird. 

I'm hating it here, can't wait until 2 months are over and I don't have to see them again.

/rant.


----------



## derpresion (May 17, 2012)

my aunt must be asian in disguise then bcs shes one mad cow when i tell u. shes unreal. i was living with her in the same appartment for like 10 bloody yrs! every day was a ****. she would find something to yell about or pick at u EVERY SINGLE DAY. total destroy of nerves, aggravation of sa, forget abt selfesteem etc etc 

and now that i dont see her that often whenever i meet her even if she got a bit better and dont yell at least first thing she do shes just staring at me like giving me a totall scan of all of me. and then ofcourse critisise critisie critisise..

i finally of all these yrs have somehow tamed my insane stupid hair and got it to look somewhat decent (sometimes even hella good tbh), but she says they look like a dead starws and i need to cut EVERYTHING off o.o any points or arguments ever are impossible. even if u beat her at them, she will just like turn her head away as if checking weather and just start *****ing abt something else lol

just move away from there asap.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

dreamloss said:


> So I've been back home for 3 days, and I've been bombarded with comments from relatives about how I'm too skinny, got sunspots on my face, my boobs got smaller, I dress ****ty, rude comments about me being vegetarian and how my piercing makes me look like a cow.
> 
> One of my aunts and uncles are totally terrified of their kids turning out like me. They say stuff like "you wouldn't stop eating MEAT would you? You wouldn't eat bland rabbit food for life?" and "If you misbehave I'll pierce your nose like your cousin and tie a rope to lead you around like a cow!"
> 
> ...


What kind of Asian?
I finally had a mental break down in my late 20s and told my mom to cut it out. I told her that anybody looking in would assume my friends loved and supported me more than she did. My friends love me, they don't tell me I'm fat or should get rid of my freckles, or that I should grow my hair to find a dude. I think once my mom saw just how much what she said affected me, she just quit.


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Sorry you have to go through that and made to feel that way, dreamloss.

My dad's side of the family and his more traditional Asian friends think this way. I remember years ago when I was growing out my facial hair, one of my dad's friends saw me and then later commented to my dad that he should MAKE me shave it off.

Luckily my dad isn't like that though and straight up told him that I was an adult and he wasn't going to make me do anything- especially something so trivial.

I feel fortunate my immediate family is more Americanized and doesn't act or think like some more old school Asian families. It helps that my mom was born and raised here even though she is also full Asian.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Darktower776 said:


> Sorry you have to go through that and made to feel that way, dreamloss.
> 
> My dad's side of the family and his more traditional Asian friends think this way. I remember years ago when I was growing out my facial hair, one of my dad's friends saw me and then later commented to my dad that he should MAKE me shave it off.
> 
> ...


Ha, my mom tells me I forced her to become more Westernized cuz I put her through some **** most Asian females don't do to their poor mothers.


----------



## skys (Mar 14, 2014)

I think many just want the best for you from their point of view, while being arrogant towards individual beliefs. May not be the case for all but they mean well.


----------



## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

I have seen positive Asian guys, and sorry *** loser like myself


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> Ha, my mom tells me I forced her to become more Westernized cuz I put her through some **** most Asian females don't do to their poor mothers.


Lol, I've heard my aunt say that about her daughter because her daughter liked to party and go out with boys and underage drink. Basically not being a good, respectful daughter in her mom's eyes.


----------



## goosebump (Jan 12, 2014)

It is very difficult indeed. My cousins and asian friends often complain to me about how their moms keep criticizing and putting them down for anything from appearance to their career. It's like we can never be enough. I've been talking to my cousin about how messed up it is that it's a norm for many asian families to compare their children to others, constantly putting us down (in hope we somehow become better in their standards). Personally, I couldn't take this bs anymore and just decided to move out. Been feeling much more peaceful and happy since.


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Asian (Indian) culture ****ing sucks.

My family are Indian.


----------



## W A N D E R L U S T (Oct 2, 2012)

Ahaha, this is why I do not look forward to family gatherings all that much, apart from getting to see cousins.

My skin's too dark (I get it from dad? Why don't you tell him?), I don't eat fast enough (I don't think you realise but the more you say this, the slower I will eat), "maybe you should wear a little bit of makeup, you know, just for the boys" (...did you just call me ugly? And what was that about the boys?), my nose needs to be bigger otherwise it means I won't be successful later in life (umm, no...it's already like the size of a ****ing golf ball and I'm not even going to begin with the success), I talk too much (no, I'm just standing up for myself?), I don't talk enough (???? You literally just said I talk too much?!), I shouldn't be lesbian because it's wrong (I pretended to be lesbian just to see what you'd say. Interesting, not surprising, but interesting..).

But I usually end up finding it more funny than hurtful, I think I've just kind of adjusted to it. And that's just the way they were raised and how they perceive me, they don't define who we are. Plus, sometimes when I'm really bored, I like to challenge them by starting a fight about whatever they're judging me about and 80% of the time, I win every time. Then this is when they usually say that I talk too much or ***** about me to others. Silly children...


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Asian family is the worst. Anything other than perfection is considered complete failure.


----------



## goosebump (Jan 12, 2014)

M0rbid said:


> Asian family is the worst. Anything other than perfection is considered complete failure.


True that. :blank


----------



## derpresion (May 17, 2012)

apx24 said:


> Asian (Indian) culture ****ing sucks.
> 
> My family are Indian.


indians r asians too? :um they look so different from japanese and chinese tho


----------



## wallenstein (Mar 27, 2013)

derpresion said:


> indians r asians too? :um they look so different from japanese and chinese tho


Lmao. India is part of the Asian continent. Hence they are Asian.


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

derpresion said:


> indians r asians too? :um they look so different from japanese and chinese tho


In the UK, the term 'Asian' usually refers to people of South Asian (Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi) descent and South Asian culture. There is a large South Asian population in the UK, but not very many East Asians (i.e. Chinese/Japanese)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Asian


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

M0rbid said:


> Asian family is the worst. Anything other than perfection is considered complete failure.


I was so glad my family/parents weren't like that. I don't know if I could've taken it with all the other stuff in high school especially. I had a friend and his parents were "Tiger Parents" they even asked about my grades on report card day.:blank


----------



## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> What kind of Asian?
> I finally had a mental break down in my late 20s and told my mom to cut it out. I told her that anybody looking in would assume my friends loved and supported me more than she did. My friends love me, they don't tell me I'm fat or should get rid of my freckles, or that I should grow my hair to find a dude. I think once my mom saw just how much what she said affected me, she just quit.


I'm Hong Kong Chinese
Did saying that really make it all stop? Was it just a one time thing that you told her or did you have to say it every time she attacked you?



Darktower776 said:


> Sorry you have to go through that and made to feel that way, dreamloss.
> 
> My dad's side of the family and his more traditional Asian friends think this way. I remember years ago when I was growing out my facial hair, one of my dad's friends saw me and then later commented to my dad that he should MAKE me shave it off.
> 
> ...


haha nice. your dad's cool. Don't take him for granted.



skys said:


> I think many just want the best for you from their point of view, while being arrogant towards individual beliefs. May not be the case for all but they mean well.


Ugh. Well you got the "from their point of view" part right. Can't see how shallow & hurtful tearing down of self esteem EVER being beneficial for anyone.



W A N D E R L U S T said:


> Ahaha, this is why I do not look forward to family gatherings all that much, apart from getting to see cousins.
> 
> My skin's too dark (I get it from dad? Why don't you tell him?), I don't eat fast enough (I don't think you realise but the more you say this, the slower I will eat), "maybe you should wear a little bit of makeup, you know, just for the boys" (...did you just call me ugly? And what was that about the boys?), my nose needs to be bigger otherwise it means I won't be successful later in life (umm, no...it's already like the size of a ****ing golf ball and I'm not even going to begin with the success), I talk too much (no, I'm just standing up for myself?), I don't talk enough (???? You literally just said I talk too much?!), I shouldn't be lesbian because it's wrong (I pretended to be lesbian just to see what you'd say. Interesting, not surprising, but interesting..).
> 
> But I usually end up finding it more funny than hurtful, I think I've just kind of adjusted to it. And that's just the way they were raised and how they perceive me, they don't define who we are. Plus, sometimes when I'm really bored, I like to challenge them by starting a fight about whatever they're judging me about and 80% of the time, I win every time. Then this is when they usually say that I talk too much or ***** about me to others. Silly children...


good work speaking up for yourself.
Hahah I remember pretending to be lesbian when I was younger too. (I -did- turn out to be bisexual but back then I did it for the reactions.)
And it's always funny when they criticize you for things that were clearly genetic. Pretty hilarious when my 4'11" aunt gives me crap about being short.



derpresion said:


> indians r asians too? :um they look so different from japanese and chinese tho


dude. yes. yes they are.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

dreamloss said:


> I'm Hong Kong Chinese
> Did saying that really make it all stop? Was it just a one time thing that you told her or did you have to say it every time she attacked you?


For me, I'd brought it up several times here and there but once I was fed up, I was done. I told her exactly how I felt, no sugar coating, no beating around the bush. And I told her it was enough. Basically, she knew I wasn't being passive aggressive or joking, I was completely serious. And I was hurt. Once that hurt registered to her, she quit.


----------



## DanTheOutlaw (May 29, 2014)

Just reading what you've written has made me angry.

I don't blame you for being annoyed/upset.

Most of these ridiculous backwards cultures are like this, I've got no time for it.


----------



## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

dreamloss said:


> So I've been back home for 3 days, and I've been bombarded with comments from relatives about how I'm too skinny, got sunspots on my face, my boobs got smaller, I dress ****ty, rude comments about me being vegetarian and how my piercing makes me look like a cow.
> 
> One of my aunts and uncles are totally terrified of their kids turning out like me. They say stuff like "you wouldn't stop eating MEAT would you? You wouldn't eat bland rabbit food for life?" and "If you misbehave I'll pierce your nose like your cousin and tie a rope to lead you around like a cow!"
> 
> ...


Damn, sorry to hear that, well there isn't much you can do about changing Their perspective about you, they will think whatever they think, I really think you should respond to it though, and don't just let them say that crap about you, you don't have to be aggressive but just telling them to stop with enough confidence will do.

Just out of curiosity, how do you usually respond?


----------



## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

yna said:


> Haha yeah, I know what you mean. Whenever I visit my relatives a lot of the times they don't even say hi. The first thing they say to me is that I gained weight. I know they're not trying to be mean but... mine also wants me to dress up for everything, even to the airport or going to the gym... I like to be comfortable in these places but they disapprove and tell me I look homeless for wearing an old shirt and sweatpants lol. Why would I dress up for the plane though, or to sweat? I don't see the point. My grandmother also hates it when I get highlights, she said it makes me look like I'm part of a gang haha but I get them anyways. :lol I've even been criticized before for wearing sandals without putting nail polish on which I thought was just weird. And my mom hates it when I stay out in the sun for too long, she doesn't want me any darker. Meh. She has stopped complaining about that one now that I'm older but I know she still doesn't like it. Mine compares each others' children a lot too. That one probably kills me the most.


hahahah I like the gang comment. Some of those are ridiculous though... wtf who dresses up for the gym? .__. my mom also hates that I go out in the sun a lot too. Are you also chinese by any chance?



Umpalumpa said:


> Damn, sorry to hear that, well there isn't much you can do about changing Their perspective about you, they will think whatever they think, I really think you should respond to it though, and don't just let them say that crap about you, you don't have to be aggressive but just telling them to stop with enough confidence will do.
> 
> Just out of curiosity, how do you usually respond?


Thanks >< I'm usually pretty passive about it. I nod and try to get it over with. But the other day they were making comments about the piercing again and I finally spoke up! I told them how it's normal in other cultures and that it's not any different from earrings. Don't think it changed any minds but it still felt good. :3


----------



## ManuelVinn (Jun 14, 2012)

I hate passive agressives


----------



## ManuelVinn (Jun 14, 2012)

ManuelVinn said:


> I hate passive agressives


it shows they don´t really care about you they just like to bad mouth you for enjoynment. you know, it´s entertaining to make you their Project...
What is better to talk about when they get together than you


----------



## BKLD (Aug 8, 2013)

Yikes, I thought that was just a stereotype! I'm sorry .

It's not just Asian families though. My family is of Irish and German descent. They're usually fine and I really do love them, but they tease and shame me for the way I talk, act, and look.


----------



## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

dreamloss said:


> hahahah I like the gang comment. Some of those are ridiculous though... wtf who dresses up for the gym? .__. my mom also hates that I go out in the sun a lot too. Are you also chinese by any chance?
> 
> Thanks >< I'm usually pretty passive about it. I nod and try to get it over with. But the other day they were making comments about the piercing again and I finally spoke up! I told them how it's normal in other cultures and that it's not any different from earrings. Don't think it changed any minds but it still felt good. :3


Awesome dreamloss! You don't even have to argue! Just tell them to stop, stop means stop, stand for yourself! Hang in there until you travel again! :3


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

BKLD said:


> Yikes, I thought that was just a stereotype! I'm sorry .
> 
> It's not just Asian families though. My family is of Irish and German descent. They're usually fine and I really do love them, but *they tease and shame me for the* *way I talk, act, and look.*


It's just that Asian people take it to extreme levels.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

M0rbid said:


> It's just that Asian people take it to extreme levels.


That's how Asians roll.


----------



## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

indians.. jeez.. indians are the worst. I've worked with them.. lived among them for almost a year.. It was part of the military..

we have to work with one now here in the states. The moment i saw her? i knew we were in big trouble. No one can work with her on the team - well because she sees herself as "better" than americans. (yes, they take crap to an extreme level as well - if not worse).

her main problem is the "usual" looking for validation, approval, perfection as well as trying to have "one-ups-manship" with her co-workers.

Thus, we keep her working by herself on the weekends.. and she STILL manages to stir up trouble..

constant drama...


----------

