# Just get over it: Advice for getting over anxieties with girls



## palarso

I know this is rather lengthy but If you got bad social anxiety when it comes to talking to girls I think this may help you that. This is the advice of a 21 year old male who before a few months ago never really had confidence with girls. This may be useful for other guys out there dealing with the anxities I have been recently overcoming.

I use to be on here all the time feeling sorry for myself not being able to get the confidence to talk to girls. Quite simply it got to the point were i just got over it got tired about feeling sorry for myself and letting my anxiety towards girls get the best of me. Its only been for about the past month and a half or so and a lot of the bigger parties where their is considerably more girls I almost always talk to a considerable amount to girls. I even eventually get to the point where I make out with a lot of them, get their number and a legit date.

I wont say its easy because it isnt but if ur like me youll eventually just get so sick of it that you say no more. If you feel like your rock bottom then the only way is to go is up. Just get a lot of practice. It makes me feel really comfortable talking to one of my good girlfriends about what to do with these girls that I meet on dates, even for just general tips about talking to girls at parties.

However I am not perfect yet. Im pretty unexperienced with the dating world so thats why it really helps to have a girl that is just a friend to talk to about that stuff. My dilllemma I have now is that if I actually see myself liking these girls enough to have a real relationship with them before I get into deep. I guess you just gotta go with the flow. Im worried about passing up girls I should and shouldn't

Tips though are try to get classy girls. Ur friends and other people aren't gonna respect you to much if u get with a girl that you and they know u shouldnt be making out with. Go to parties and drink to. Alcohol helps a whole lot. If u smoke weed just make sure you familiarize yourself with some people at the party ur at and dont come to the party already to blazed. In my experience this just left me feeling awkward and uncomfortable because it got me zoned out before i could talk to new people at first making it hard to have conversations with them at the party, this makes the high from the weed much more enjoyable too. Talk to anybody and everybody dont feel like you need to just focus on girls youll end up wracking ur brain trying to figure out what to say to them. Familiarize with some people you see having a good time talk to them, include yourself in on that good time. This will make you have ton more fun around everybody and can start a natural flow of just talking to new people guys and girls. To girls you just gotta say hey wats up, wats ur name, how are you, whats your major. Just talk about general stuff If you both go to the same school she obviously experiences most of the things you do and can easily relate/conversate about basic information u learn about a person. Its called small talk it makes you both comfortable talking to each other. Try to notice something unique about her as you try to make your first move. Dont say something sexual or ur hot, just things u like about her. Such as her hair, eyes, shoes, name, heritage, etc. These are the few I use. That can easily lead into some good flirting. This is where u can just say smooth things about what you commented about. Like telling her she is cute, or latinas have all the fun dont they, Your shoes are fly (can talk about shoes girls like guys with good fashion sense , I like shoes there essential to life and nice one just look cooler), or how here eyes and hair compliment each other very well. Just do this at varying degrees as appropriate. While at this point you should feel more comfortable to start touching her lightly. Dont grope, just simple touching and take cues from her response as she becomes more comfortable to it. It is most likely that if you feel like you guys are flirting well, and for real she will be very clear in her response to this. Its what she almost expects. She may give you this cue by leaning towards you or even touching you herself. If she is comfortable with this and she is giving good responsive cues to what you are doing, then it is not out of the question to go for a kiss. Dont ask, just do it. Look at her, direct your face and your toward each other, look in her eyes(this helps for me to let her know Im going for a kiss and to see if she is approving of it). After this things seem pretty easy, just take the ones from the party you saw as dating material on dates for something casual like Ice Cream. I usually try to get a date for sunday night. It just seems like the perfect time to me. I can call whatever number I got that weekend to get a date with a girl I liked the most. At most I would wait a day or 2 no longer. Make sure you get her first and last name(if you were really drunk your probably gonna want to see who the girl you actually met is like such as bad things. Dont let some of her interests tweak you out if they are a bit different unless its something u find that she absolutely loves that you absolutely hate) and her number but dont give her yours. Before you first call her she knows you have her number but she doesnt have yours this allows me to maintain a level of mysteriousness to her while showing that I am interested in her by calling and asking her out on a date. If at all at any stage of this process she starts to be a ***** and just not feeling you move on to the next one you see you want to talk to that you come across.

This is the stage im at went on one of first dates and now just taking it for what it is. I feel at this point, its now all about just talking more, doing fun things, watching movies, flirting, making out and making sexual advances. I like to take it slow though. I dont want to tweak a girl out when I do feel like i may be taking it a little to far I just ask her if she feels comfortable and if im going to fast. Now I just gotta figure out how real boyfriend/girlfriend relationships progress to higher lever after the first date.


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## Hamtown

Long read!Hitting rock bottom is the best way to learn.I too got sick of having so much panic and i did some deep critical analysis of why and how i could change even though i was terrified to accept and look into some things i'd blocked my whole life.I don't believe cure comes from trying to make things better within the same opinion or value systems you have, it comes from looking at things from a different point of view/outside of the box.

People, it is all entirely in your power to overcome anxiety.Theres got to be a radical change in your thought processes and you need to understand the reasons why you have anxiety or get sick of it and use that drive for change.Things rarely change with methods like drugs, forced exposure and the like.The amount of different drugs that supposedly can help cure anxiety is phenomenal and yet i've seen only about 3 success stories regarding drugs.As for exposure you need to be looking at things from other points of views because no matter how positive you are, if you are thinking with that same state of mind you are likely to be shot down.Its all in the mind, not some genetic, physical or personality disorder that some people believe.Small steps, nothing is wrong, underneath all that anxiety is an incredibly smart,alive and attractive being and you don't even know it.

Good on you bro, i'm going to take some of this advice!Just space out that long wall of text, it might scare some people off because theres some real good information in there.


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## Mark02

*I wish I could heed this advice*

Hey guys, I've already hit rock bottom and I just *can't* do it.

I can't go to parties (don't get invited because I don't have friends), I CAN'T talk to girls, I CAN'T hold their interest, I CAN'T touch them, I CAN'T kiss them, I CAN'T ask them out on a date....if I even get close to doing those things, I'm prone to passing out or having a seizure.

Perhaps my SA is much more severe than yours, but I feel like the advice is impossible for me to implement at this time. And it makes me feel terrible, because it IS sound advice and very logical. I feel very lost : /


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## millenniumman75

Sounds like Jersey Shore to me.


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## jagmusic

This guy obviously has pretty mild SA.


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## seancooper

Good tips. Talk to everyone, touch, go for the kiss decisively, get the #, take it slow.

I've gotten better with girls as well over the past few months. It starts out intimidating, but you build up the confidence as you get more experience. And IMO that's the main thing most girls are looking for: confidence.


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## kos

millenniumman75 said:


> Sounds like Jersey Shore to me.


Hahahahaha.


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