# Moved to Australia on Working Holiday Visa, Social Anxiety Worse than ever



## Siman89 (Dec 24, 2012)

I moved to Australia in February on a Working Holiday Visa. At first I was excited and thought I could recreate myself. I told myself I was just going to go for it and be more social, as I'd come half way round the world I had nothing to lose.

I'm living with my friend from University at the moment, so I'm not completely lonely, but I just feel like a burden on him and want to branch out and make more friends. For the first month or so I couldn't find a job and wasn't flushed with cash so didn't really have much of an opportunity to make friends. I kept telling myself that once I got a job I would just go for it and be more social with my co-workers, but once I finally got a job my SA just reappeared and is now probably worse than ever.

I don't speak to anyone at work. I only say Hi to them if they say Hi first because I'm so scared they won't respond, so probably come across as really rude. It's just so depressing. I've been here 5 months tomorrow and not made any friends. When I was in England I wasn't popular but I had a solid group of friends that I did stuff with most weekends and now I've not even got that. I'm just stuck inside on the weekends watching TV. 

When I was England going to Australia was a distant fantasy and something that kept me going when I was a bit depressed. I used to imagine coming here, coming out of my shell and making tons of friends and maybe even getting a girlfriend, which I've never had before. Now I'm actually here and the reality is nowhere near as good as imagined (socially I mean, the country is very nice.) I just have no motivation anymore and don't know how to keep myself going.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

You're welcome to PM me. I am from Australia.


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## d91 (Jan 19, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> You're welcome to PM me. I am from Australia.


What a kind gesture!


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

i'm sorry op

reality can be a real stinker

your problems are (usually) going to stick with you no matter where u go

are u on any meds? have you tried getting out there and exploring or exposing yourself to ppl you'll never meet again? imo, that's what's most liberating

people from work are terrifying, because their impression of you follows you

if you're not really all that keen on the bar scene
aus has sooo many natural parks (if ur into that sort of thing)


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

That's how I discovered how crippling my SA was. I did the reverse to you; travelled from Australia to England and other countries. I really think some people aren't cut out for travelling, because it's like being thrown in the deep end socially. Maybe you should look for a new job since your identity at this one is firmly established. You only really need one person to break the ice with at work, and that's partially due to luck a lot of the time.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

orsomething said:


> i'm sorry op
> 
> reality can be a real stinker
> 
> ...


This person has a point. No matter where you go, things seem to follow and sadly history has a way of repeating itself.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

wrongnumber said:


> That's how I discovered how crippling my SA was. I did the reverse to you; travelled from Australia to England and other countries. I really think some people aren't cut out for travelling, because it's like being thrown in the deep end socially. Maybe you should look for a new job since your identity at this one is firmly established. You only really need one person to break the ice with at work, and that's partially due to luck a lot of the time.


I find a lot of people don't want to mix their work life with their personal life and that's why it can be hard to form friendships from a work environment but having said that. There are individuals out there that find it really easy to fit and mix in and persuade people into having them in their lives despite being a colleague. Like yourself, I have traveled around to numerous countries in the world and even been an expat in the past.


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## Siman89 (Dec 24, 2012)

orsomething said:


> i'm sorry op
> 
> reality can be a real stinker
> 
> ...


not on any meds out here. I wanted to just try and improve myself naturally, but what a big mistake that was. I'm going to travel around and see places like Ayers Rock and go to the parks in North Territory. I'm still glad I've come as I've got to see a beautiful country, but 50% of why I came here was to try and better myself and increase my confidence, but I've just become worse.

Sometimes I feel like I'm an alien or different species, or maybe just have a big stamp on my forehead saying weird or avoid. I don't mean to sound bitter either but I think looks have a big factor in it. My friend is just as shy as I am initially when he meets new people, if not more. But he's also a very good and cool looking guy, so maybe it's just me being bitter, but it seems like people make an effort to breakdown his shyness more. If I'm quiet around people I get labelled weird or a freak and after a couple of efforts (if they give me that) they just seem to give up on me. Whereas people just seem to keep trying with him because he seems naturally cooler. But like I say, maybe I'm just bitter.


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## Losti (Aug 23, 2012)

Siman89 said:


> Sometimes I feel like I'm an alien or different species, or maybe just have a big stamp on my forehead saying weird or avoid.


I feel alien here too sometimes, despite having been living here all my life. But don't be bitter mate . . . On the plus side you got a full-time job in ONLY a months time. IMO try make the most of your working holiday, live a little, save some money to invest towards a happier future and don't give up. Trust me, I find it hard enough trying to interact with Australians myself, but you most probably can potentially find friends or have meaningful interactions here.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I can relate to the fear of initiating contact, in fact I think this is my biggest issue in regards to SA. It gets really awkward every time I start my shift when I walk past co-workers, feeling tense and ready to respond if they greet me. 

They normally do, lucky for me everyone is pretty nice at work. But yeah, that fear definitely still exists. and I don't know why.


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## xlavenderx (Feb 23, 2014)

This may sound silly and obvious, but have you looked into different tips and methods on "improving naturally"? I personally haven't used meds, and have come a long way. This can't be the case for everyone, because I'm guessing a lot of it had to do with circumstances and hormones, so I can't speak for everyone. But if you are inclined to work on it "naturally", this is what worked for me:

building self confidence and positivity - I constantly watch motivational youtube clips. I like Tony Robbins, but branch out, because there are so many on this subject.

practicing speaking - sometimes I have trouble speaking, so when I'm alone, I'll force myself to read things aloud.

practicing conversations - keep a journal (or just in your head, whichever works) and set mini goals for yourself, like approaching three different strangers in one day (asking the time, if they've seen whatever bus, just little things).

- coming up with conversational topics can be good practice too, so you always have something to say in almost any situation... eventually this will just happen naturally, and you'll know to pick small, open ended questions from what people say

It's really all about practice. It may not solve all your problems, or get you tons of friends, but these things have honestly worked for me. 

No matter where you go or how many situations you're in, you're mostly likely not going to make tons of friends by not speaking, or feeling uncomfortable, so it's good to try and practice if you can.

Have you also tried meetup.com? Or joined any clubs at all? It's probably really tough to do things when you don't have money, but if you look into traveling things online that are cheap, you may end up finding quite a few things to do.

I know finding a job is really tough, but if you can, maybe starting over somewhere new would be beneficial - plus I kind of thought that's how the working holiday visa worked? I've been lucky enough to have one job where me and the others meshed really well - but I've also had jobs where no matter how friendly and social I was, it just did not work, and I was always out of the clique. So take comfort in knowing it really might just be the place you work at, and hopefully you can eventually change that.

If you want, PM me


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Dude youre travelling and you havent made any friends? Have you tried staying in hostels? they are friend central. ditch your friend, and go hostelling about Australia, meet loads of people and go on road trips!!


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## shwoop (Jul 6, 2014)

Aussie girls love the British accent. Try speaking to some. Even if what you say is boring, the accent will make it sound incredibly sexy.


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## Siman89 (Dec 24, 2012)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Dude youre travelling and you havent made any friends? Have you tried staying in hostels? they are friend central. ditch your friend, and go hostelling about Australia, meet loads of people and go on road trips!!


I've stayed in a hostel but only for about a week, and the dorm was only half full. I've heard people say it's really easy, but that's normal people. If I had the ability to make friends like normal people can I wouldn't be on this forum. Have you done it before?


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## Siman89 (Dec 24, 2012)

shwoop said:


> Aussie girls love the British accent. Try speaking to some. Even if what you say is boring, the accent will make it sound incredibly sexy.


Not true. English accent is common as **** here. In America I think it might be true, but here there's tons of English because of the ease in which you can get a visa that girls don't care


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Siman89 said:


> I've stayed in a hostel but only for about a week, and the dorm was only half full. I've heard people say it's really easy, but that's normal people. If I had the ability to make friends like normal people can I wouldn't be on this forum. Have you done it before?


Dude you need to give it a chance bro. I was a nervous wreck when I first stayed in hostels but it is super easy. Maybe stay in a more busier one?


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

I'm going abroad too soon and I'm scared I won't make any friends. I also want to go there and be a completely different person, but I don't think that's possible. How do you become a new person in a few months? How do you fix all your flaws in a few months? I don't think it's possible and now I'm freaking out about going and I think this was a mistake


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

Ricebunnyx3 said:


> I'm going abroad too soon and I'm scared I won't make any friends. I also want to go there and be a completely different person, but I don't think that's possible. How do you become a new person in a few months? How do you fix all your flaws in a few months? I don't think it's possible and now I'm freaking out about going and I think this was a mistake


It's real easy to repeat your past experiences. Pure hope is not going to change that. You really have to have a plan laid out. Like, Monday I'll have this hobby, Wednesday I'll go for a run whether it's raining or snowing, etc

I didn't have this plan so I predictably failed all of my targets.


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