# Would you date someone who doesn't physically attract you?



## Dan Q (Aug 9, 2014)

Imagine you meet someone with a great personality, who is funny, who is into you and with whom you have a lot in common, but he/she doesn't attract you physically at all, quite the opposite. Could you imagine dating someone like that? How would you do it during intimacy?

I ask because I know I couldn't do it. It may sound selfish, shallow and objectifying, but at least I'm being honest here. I couldn't be with a girl whom I don't find attractive. I need to say though that I find majority of women attractive, but there are just some whom I couldn't picture being with, regardless their awesome personalities.

I think there are basically three groups of people in the world regarding looks:


people generally considered good-looking by the standards of society, most people find them attractive
people with more peculiar looks, who wouldn't be really considered good-looking, but some people still find them attractive
people who are not good looking at all, most people would find them ugly and I don't think there's anyone who would find them attractive
I never figured out if I belong to group 2 or 3. I fear the worst :S

Please note that all of the above only reflects my own point of view, possibly quite distorted look on reality due to SA and long-time depression, but I'm very interested in hearing other peoples' opinions.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

It's highly possible that I could have a relationship with a guy I don't consider physically attractive, for the sole reason that *I'm not that attracted to looks*. I'm attracted to personality and shared interests/values. Every time I've crushed on a guy, it's been for those reasons; and while none of the guys have been ugly, none of them have been terribly attractive, either. (In fact, most have been nerdy. I figure nerdy guys have more in common with me. ops )

I can't rule out the possibility that looks could play SOME role in my attraction, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't play the main role, and compatible personality/shared interests might end up ruling out physical appearance.

How would I deal with it during intimacy?--simple. I'm not interested in intimacy. Therefore, physical attraction in that case wouldn't be an issue, for me at least. I can't say the same for the guy, though...one big reason I've never had a relationship and never will. :/



Dan Q said:


> I ask because I know I couldn't do it. It may sound selfish, shallow and objectifying, but at least I'm being honest here. I couldn't be with a girl whom I don't find attractive. I need to say though that I find majority of women attractive, but there are just some whom I couldn't picture being with, regardless their awesome personalities.


It's not shallow or selfish. We're attracted to what we're attracted to, whether it's looks, personality, or something else. It's not like you choose what draws you to a person. :stu

It's only shallow or selfish if you're attracted to a certain thing yet you complain about the opposite gender being attracted to that same thing; for example, if you were to complain here about women being more drawn to physical appearance and not giving preference to personality, then that would make you shallow (more like, hypocritical), but you don't seem to be saying that in this post.


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## Juschill (Jul 25, 2014)

i think i would. yes i do notice attraction at first but what really attracts me the most is if i like or vibe with someones personality


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## Mixahl (Jul 24, 2014)

No, I don't think so... I have been there. If you are not attracted, the attraction is probably not going to come. I was with a few people I did not find attractive, and it did not matter how long I was with them, attraction never really developed.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

If I don't find the person physically attractive at all, then I don't think I could date him. There are certainly qualities I think are much more important, but I can't say physical attraction doesn't matter to me at all.


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## W A N D E R L U S T (Oct 2, 2012)

I probably wouldn't want to date them at first glance but as I get to know them, if they have a great personality, I'll fall for them. Dammit, happens every time. If their personality's great, they'll somehow end up looking more attractive to me.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

No way.


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## NicholasLG (Jul 26, 2014)

Yeah, if you like a person enough for who they are, their appearance becomes appealing or insignificant to you. Only people that doesn't happen for are people who are really shallow and aren't looking for a connection. Plus, I personally have to rely on a girl liking me for who I am because I have nothing going for me in the appearance department.


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## keeks (Aug 13, 2010)

I don't think I could. I don't know if it's because of a personality conflict or mannerism that a person begins to appear so unattractive to me, but I do fixate on things and the person becomes really unappealing. It becomes very difficult to look at the person without being critical and I don't want to have sex with them. It's likely a personality thing.. People become really gross to me when they have gross personality traits or mannerisms. Maybe I'm a bit of a jerk.


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## Nylea (Aug 7, 2014)

It really depends, I would think. I remember when I was absolutely crazy over this one guy, who everyone told me was unattractive (because he was short and strange looking). I would have categorized him as a #2, though, by your standards. 

If I met a guy with an amazing personality, who treated me fairly and equally and was willing to do everything with me, I would definitely be attracted to said person. Then again, I don't think I've ever been honestly attracted to someone just by looking at them or having a basic conversation. I've had conversations with universally attractive men, and I didn't care for them at all...I wouldn't even consider kissing them.

If I were to explain using percentages, I'd say maybe 90-95% would have to do with personality and my level of comfort, and 5-10% might be looks/physical appeal.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yes, and no. I would be open to it.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Nope, I (just me, I don't care about others opinions on their appearance) need to find them physically attractive to feel completely happy. I've been in the situation where I clicked well with someone on an emotional level but physically they didn't appeal to me and I just couldn't get excited at the thought of a relationship with them for that reason. I need to be able to look at someone and think "wow" both in respect to how they appeal emotionally and physically.


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## Puppet Master (Jan 1, 2012)

No that would be a friend not a girlfriend.


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## fm5827 (Mar 7, 2011)

I did do it and it didn't exactly work out that great, she actually dumped me so yeah thats a great morale lifter..


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

no, they would just be a friend instead.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

SilentLuke said:


> no, they would just be a friend instead.


Yeah same here. I wouldn't date someone I wasn't at all physically attracted to because it wouldn't be fair to me or to her.


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

I have personal preferences. I did date someone I wasn't really attracted to, but thought she might grow on me. However all threw the relationship I had doubts and I could never connect with her.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Nope. Had the opportunity but didn't take it. Would you want to be in a relationship who wasn't attracted to you?


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

No, I would have to be physically attracted.



Dan Q said:


> I think there are basically three groups of people in the world regarding looks:
> 
> 
> people generally considered good-looking by the standards of society, most people find them attractive
> ...


I fall in group 2, and the people I've dated might not be considered conventionally attractive (group 2 or 3), but that's perfectly fine with me. I don't need a model and I don't think I have high standards when it comes to looks, but in order to have any kind of sexual relationship with someone, I have to find them attractive. If the person has a personality I really find appealing, I often end up feeling some sort of sexual attraction towards them, even if there was no attraction at first sight.



Callsign said:


> I have. Twice.


I'm guessing the girls didn't know that you weren't attracted to them? :con


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

No. I don't see the point in that. I can grow more attracted to someone as I get to know them, but there has to be something there from the start, I think. We could just have a really close, platonical relationship instead. It could still be affectionate.


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## AbsurdistMalarky (Sep 28, 2010)

Sometimes you convince yourself you find someone attractive, but it's really that they're available and you're horny.

I don't know If I speak for everyone, but I feel like we have a very specific type of person we go for; and you rarely get to meet the ones that tick all the boxes. Then there's a much larger pool of people that you'd accept as 'close enough', but deep down in the pit of your stomach, there's a yearning for your ideal partner.

Most of us probably never get to be with anyone other than who we sort of like. I'd love to find someone I'd be 'crazy' about.


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## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

A couple of times my perception on women had changed from being non-attractive to physically attractive after falling for their personality and charm. But it's rare.


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## kilgoretrout (Jul 20, 2011)

Nope.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

I'd say no but I ended up liking someone a lot bc of his personality and he wasn't really that attractive to me so I guess it could still happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

If I got to know someone well enough to know that I like their personality and we have common interests and stuff, BUT I STILL DON'T FIND THEM PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE, then no, I would not date them.

I've had a couple instances where I wasn't initially attracted to someone's look, but after getting to know them over a several week/month span, they started to look good to me and I would have dated them.


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## Tabris (Jul 14, 2013)

Nopes


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## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

I would date someone ugly if the premises are enticing


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## iKenn (Jul 30, 2013)

No and Yes, if it's like a soulmate maybe.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I've become physically attracted to people I wasn't initially attracted to after getting to know them. Personality is pretty important to me. I don't think I could date someone I wasn't physically attracted to for the simple reason that if I'm not attracted to them it's probably because I don't like their personality.

I know a girl who is objectively very cute who just makes my skin crawl and I used to know a girl who was kind of weird-looking but very sexy (to me). She was a 2 but she had a really hot boyfriend. You just never know.


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## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

If there personality is so in tuned to my own and attractive to me, I do believe that it could put a very positive spin on how I viewed them physically. 

So yes, It's possible I would be willing to date someone who I didn't initially view as attractive.


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## SpiderInTheCorner (Aug 10, 2014)

something like this: 6 personality and 4 looks / 10 

which means that both matter but preference goes to personality and the most important thing is same kind of sense of humor


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

No, but I get that I have become attracted to guys I was neutral/had no physical attraction towards in the past. Which is why it's nice to get to know guys a bit since the people I'm physically attracted to off the bat are few and far between. But, if I was less than neutral about their appearence it probably would never happen. There is only so far that general rule with me can go.

Actual dating though no, I wouldn't.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Darktower776 said:


> Yeah same here. I wouldn't date someone I wasn't at all physically attracted to because it wouldn't be fair to me or to her.


well said.


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## lethe1864 (Jun 25, 2014)

No, i think someone can go from off your radar in the looks department to crush worthy (like you didnt notice them before, but then you get to know them and they are suddenly really cute), but it has to start with some attraction (aka he cant be unattractive to you). I would find it hard to be physically intimate if i werent attracted to the guy, and i dont think that it is something that can change even with a great personality.


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## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

No. There has to be some attraction.


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## Pompeii (Aug 25, 2013)

No. Been there, done that. Do not recommend.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

AbsurdistMalarky said:


> Sometimes you convince yourself you find someone attractive, but it's really that they're available and you're horny.
> 
> I don't know If I speak for everyone, but I feel like we have a very specific type of person we go for; and you rarely get to meet the ones that tick all the boxes. Then there's a much larger pool of people that you'd accept as 'close enough', but deep down in the pit of your stomach, there's a yearning for your ideal partner.
> 
> Most of us probably never get to be with anyone other than who we sort of like. I'd love to find someone I'd be 'crazy' about.


What you describe is primal attraction. It's like a guy who sleeps with a girl but doesn't want to admit to his friends that he's sleeping with her. That's because having an attractive girlfriend is an indicator of high social status (like having a Ferrari). It's more accurate to say that he is convincing himself that he is not attracted to her in order to comply with society.

If you meet your dream girl, you'll be very exited at first. She's a beautiful trophy that proves you're a winner. But it's like having a new sports car or new big screen tv or a new toy. It's exiting at first but you get used to it and eventually bored. At this point, if you didn't really have a great personality connection with her you'll be unhappy.

Studies in mice show that the frequency of sexual activity drops dramatically after some time but then when a new mouse is introduced the frequency increases again only to follow the same pattern. It's the same in humans.

It's just a waste to turn your life upside down over something so temporary as a sexual high. But I think you have to actually experience this cycle for yourself to believe it. And the high is very much like a drug high. It can be intense and addictive yet leave you feeling empty. And like Elliot Spitzer it can destroy your life.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

No there has to be some attaction there, likewise they have to be somewhat on your wavelength. Without both of those the relationship will not last very long.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AngelClare said:


> What you describe is primal attraction. It's like a guy who sleeps with a girl but doesn't want to admit to his friends that he's sleeping with her. That's because having an attractive girlfriend is an indicator of high social status (like having a Ferrari). It's more accurate to say that he is convincing himself that he is not attracted to her in order to comply with society.
> 
> If you meet your dream girl, you'll be very exited at first. She's a beautiful trophy that proves you're a winner. But it's like having a new sports car or new big screen tv or a new toy. It's exiting at first but you get used to it and eventually bored. At this point, if you didn't really have a great personality connection with her you'll be unhappy.
> 
> ...


^This.


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## MuffinMan (May 14, 2014)

I'm physically attracted to everybody....


In all seriousness, no I would not.


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

No. I wouldn't.


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

Let me put it like this, if I like them then they're attractive, no matter who they are. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. XD. So yeah, if I was ever dating.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

If I found her "ugly/repulsive", I wouldn't date her even if she was a good person.

Otherwise, I would likely date her to see where it goes. Feelings can change, and it doesn't always have to be there from the start.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

I had an opportunity in the past, but I think a combination of college studies and lack of physical attractiveness prevented anything from forming. Physical attraction isn't the only thing I see in a potential partner, but it's still a factor that I don't think I could easily overlook. 

I think I could date someone that I had a mild physical attraction to, but not someone that I had none whatsoever.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

I haven't found that many females unattractive, the only thing that turns me off is if they're very heavy.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

No I wouldnt date someone who I didnt find attractive but it all depends on the girl some features I find attractive on one girl crazy coloured hair for example others I think it makes them look awful.

As an addition to my above comment I will say I do become way more attracted to someone if I get on with them well then you become marriage material jk :b but there always has to be that initial attraction always about the eyes for me you got nice eyes you're half way there


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

No I wouldn't. But physical attraction is very broad and it all depends on what one is talking about. I mean for instance someone can have a face that you don't find very attractive but a nice body. Or vice versa. There are also certain things that will usually arouse people like genitals or breasts no matter what the person they are sitting on looks like overall.

For me in terms of looks I find most people attractive at least in some way. The only real exceptions would be women that are very obese or has severe disfigurements or something along those lines. So if a woman really has an attractive personality to me, I could date her even if she is pretty far from my ideal in terms of looks. I don't care.

Thing about looks and personality is that the looks makes up so very little of the person. What she says, does and thinks is of much more interest and importance to me. That's why I turned down/ignored a few women that were realistically speaking way out of my league and probably a one time chance in life for me to get it on with a really hot chick, simply cause they were nasty persons.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

If I don't want to **** then I won't want to date.

Simple as that.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

Barette said:


> If I don't want to **** then I won't want to date.
> 
> Simple as that.


haha marry me


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## Pen (Jan 17, 2012)

You don't have to be conventionally attractive for me to be attracted to you
Even if you are seen as really attractive, I personally won't be attracted to you

Sometimes it depends, for me


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## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

I would date them. Looks aren't that big of a deal to me and if I like someones personality, that in itself will make them much more attractive to me on it's own.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

No


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## spiritedaway (Aug 5, 2014)

Depends really, I mean they don't need to be especially attractive. As long as we have compatible personalities is all that really matters to me.


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## VinBZ (Nov 2, 2013)

No, there has to be some mutual physical attraction for it to work. 

I have had one or two instances where, after getting to know a girl over time, I found myself more attracted to her physically than I was when I met her, but that takes some time.

I was once with a girl who I was not attracted to at all, except for the fact that she was really into me, and it didn't take me long to realize I was making a mistake trying to continue with it.


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## SlowburningKarma420 (Aug 12, 2014)

I have tried this with a female friend on two occasions, dating her, and it always just ends up being more friends than anything relationship-wise. I lose interest in her sexually and find myself taking her for granted when wanting more. It's not a good way to start a relationship, little physical attraction.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

No because then I wouldn't want to [email protected] her regularly.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

AngelClare said:


> What you describe is primal attraction. It's like a guy who sleeps with a girl but doesn't want to admit to his friends that he's sleeping with her. That's because having an attractive girlfriend is an indicator of high social status (like having a Ferrari). It's more accurate to say that he is convincing himself that he is not attracted to her in order to comply with society.
> 
> If you meet your dream girl, you'll be very exited at first. She's a beautiful trophy that proves you're a winner. But it's like having a new sports car or new big screen tv or a new toy. It's exiting at first but you get used to it and eventually bored. At this point, if you didn't really have a great personality connection with her you'll be unhappy.
> 
> ...


+1


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

the collector said:


> No because then I wouldn't want to [email protected] her regularly.


Aren't you the one dating the girl you're not physically attracted to?


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## wildcherry876 (Feb 6, 2012)

Maybe. Sometimes, if i like someone's personality, I will start to find that person more attractive. Or, if I find someone attractive but they turn out to have a personality I don't like, I will stop finding them attractive.


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## thetown (Aug 16, 2014)

I would feel really bad if I find out that they like me, and I don't like them back just b/c of their looks. I used to be really judgmental, but now I come to reconsider my initial thoughts about people. If the person were to have a great personality, then this could be the dealbreaker. 

Otherwise, if they're not that goodlooking and I went out w/ them, I'll probably break up w/ them later and feel more bad... . So I think it's best to not go out w/ them in the first place.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

You simply don't like her in that way regardless. You can't help that, like if a girl you are really into just don't want to date you either. 

Being on both sides of the situation, I'd rather be alone. Not being attractive nor being attracted to someone isn't fair to the other person regardless.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

I don't think I could be sexually intimate with anybody that I'm not physically attracted to really, it'd be a struggle to get aroused. The other things you mentioned though, fine if they're happy just being close friends, doing things together and having companionship. I'd love that really, it'd be better than nothing at all.


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## AndrewUK83 (May 27, 2014)

Yeah if I wasn't attracted I would always feel like I am dating them because they are nice and I feel guilty which is no way to lead a relationship. But I still feel really bad when someone compliments me and I don't fancy them, its getting to the point now where I am not sure what I would do if I went out with someone I was attracted to be a bit scary now its been that long.


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

I feel like a lot of the time people become more attractive to me once I know them and like them for other reasons (and the same is true with people becoming less attractive if I can't stand them), so if I really like someone for other reasons, than I'm probably likely to become attracted to them physically if I wasn't before.


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## daywalkerdave (Aug 7, 2014)

Yes, we're all creepy looking skeletons anyway.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

No.

Although sometimes I have moments of indefinable weakness around men who don't necessarily meet all my criteria but who have such strong positive vibes about them that it makes me pause for one second.

There's no reason to settle for less when there's so many people in this world. I like to be able to look into a man's eyes and feel jitters run through my body. The raw passion which is invoked from a purely physical connection.


That, and I just love good-looking men. I love to look at them, I love to be around them. I think that a man who takes pride and effort in himself is undeniably sexy....


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

calichick said:


> The raw passion which is invoked from a purely physical connection.


Yup. No physical attraction means no passion or, at the minimum, it's greatly curtailed.


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## DocHalladay (Jan 19, 2013)

I no longer do dating, I find it to be trivial and me basically paying for a woman to have sex with me, I find fwb and one night stands more satisfying. That being said I wouldnt have sex with someone who doesnt physically attract me, Ive done that before and it did not end well, she has to be fit and must have a bigger *** than mine, those are the essential requirements.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

thats too general, a girl can be plain looking but if she work out or has good tast of style shes still hot, if you are saying an individual is just hideous in every possible way with heavenly personality, thats a no


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

Nope.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

If you mean by ugly, then I hope you're considering cat lady or carrot top. No offense but people who got over the top drastic bad plastic surgery are ugly to me. Anyone who is overweight can just lose it. It's going to be very hard sure, but they can still lose it. I have seen plenty of overweight people with pretty faces, although, they need to take care of their health as well. It's not true at all that overweight people are ugly. Their only physical flaw is their body which they can change if they have the patience to give their body time to adjust.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Most of the women I've dated have been fairly average or below average looking. I don't have anything in common with attractive women, so I can't strike up a conversation with them. Less attractive women tend to have nerdier interests so it's easy to ask them out and talk about things with them.

I don't have raw sex appeal, I just have a decent personality and prospects. So I can't really charm women that don't care about any of that stuff. The cheerleader/popular types never saw anything in me and I never saw anything in them. To each their own.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I dated a girl i wasn't attracted to. She had the best personality and that made her very attractive to me after a while. The rest didn't matter.


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

no.. and no one is going to make me.
if i was unattractive myself however.. maybe a different story.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Absolutely. I don't expect anyone to be physically attracted to me so I'd be a hypocrite to make such demands on others.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Not if they're hideous. I tried dating a woman I found slight repulsive to gain dating experience and I felt really bad leading her on.

I'm fine dating a 5 or a 6 if they have the kind of personality I really like. I've never gotten to the point of doing intimate things with them so I don't know what would happen.


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