# fear of dancing



## carrigain (Dec 22, 2011)

Does anyone else over the age of 30 have a fear of dancing. I have had this fear for many many yrs and have simply avoided it. I turned 30 this yr and I am determined to conquer it this yr as it seems childish to me.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

Yes. I've lost dates and didn't show up to wedding receptions because of the dread of having to dance. Can't even show up to dance class to fix it because of SA. Injured left arm and copd aren't helping either.


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## humourless (Sep 27, 2011)

I have a fear of formal dancing where you have to memorise steps/moves..afraid of making a mistake......but at a club where everyone is drunk anyway and its dark and you are just freestyling...no not then.


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## pianist (Oct 5, 2011)

That really is a great way to work on SA, as it takes confidence and relaxation & its feels good to. I personally love dance, yet I've done it maybe 3 time in the past 20 years.
You make me want to go out and try again!


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

A lot of times I'm too stiff to dance even when drunk. Ecstasy and LSD seemed to do the trick though. I can dance for hours while taking either of those.


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## jamesdaniel (Feb 6, 2012)

Hi Carigain,

I used to have a fear of dancing, now I absolutely love it. You cant get me off the floor. But how did I do it is probably what you are more interested in.

I was one of those bar prop guys, despreately wishing I could get up with the girls, but terrified to be on the dance floor. I wasted many years like this until the age of 29 when I decided to take action.

I suppose I did it the hard way. I spent over a year trying to learn how to dance at different dance classes and with all sorts of different dances from ballroom to hip-hop to salsa. This didn't work well at first because my fear was still there and it inhibited my learning. 

Eventually I found a dance class that I liked, pushed through the pain and realised the source of my fear. Only once I understood why I was affraid to dance was I able to overcome it.

It was obvious on one level. I was affraid to dance because I was affraid to look like an idiot and have people laugh at me. But thats obvious right. What wasnt obvious to me at first was that *dancing is a skill that is learned.* I hadnt learned it so of course I couldnt do it, and was rightfully affraid of it.

I didnt know what to do with my body
I didnt know what to do with my arms, my legs, my head, my bum
Hell, I am a guy, we are taught to stand like blocks and be tough, not wiggle about like chicks. :blank

Even if i did know what to do with my body, i didnt know "how" to do it
I didnt know how to listen to and understand music 
No wonder i was affraid to dance.

I found a dance teacher who helped me learn to listen to and understand music. 
How to move my body in time with the music, just simple stuff but it was great.
How to move different bits of my body in isolation (that took a bit of work)
How to look confident while dancing ... that makes a huge difference

Now I am a dance addict and i have even danced on stage all over the world in front of thousands of people :clap

Not that you have to go that far.

The key was realizing that dancing comes to most people about as natural as playing piano. Now with a few lessons ... even the inept can start to sound pretty cool.

Finding the right teacher is important. Doing private lessons is the best idea. Tell your teacher you need to learn everything from listening to music, to moving your body.

Salsa would be a good dance to start with 

Dance has improved my life, health, relationships, everything so much that I even built a website devoted to helping people get into dancing.

you can see it here www.wikidance.com

you might be interested in these articles in particular

http://www.wikidance.com/overcoming-fear-of-dancing/
http://www.wikidance.com/dance-myths-busted/

Good luck, and if you want any more advice, I would be glad to help.


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## RonM (Jan 5, 2011)

Ugh- yes.

The one time I did cut loose at a party that I'd been drinking at I was mocked for the way I was dancing. 

Never again. :no


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## Scrumpilump2000 (Jan 24, 2011)

Oh boy, I avoid dancing at all costs. I saw myself on a wedding video once....that was plenty enough to keep me the hell off dance floors for the rest of my life! I don't enjoy it, I'm too intensely self-conscious.


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## florinda (Feb 15, 2012)

i am 29 and in high school and a few years later i was to shy to dance in public which was kind of sad because from when i was 5 till high school i went to dance lessons and performed in public. But now i dance again,i love it and really hope you will feel like that soon. Try dancing when you are alone first to songs you like,just close your eyes and feel it.


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## Intron09 (Jan 25, 2012)

i never want to go to a wedding. If i do, i want to hide out in the back, and hopefully be able to sit the whole time without inadvertently drawing attention to my lonerness...


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## Anthony45 (Jan 17, 2012)

jamesdaniel said:


> Hi Carigain,
> 
> I used to have a fear of dancing, now I absolutely love it. You cant get me off the floor. But how did I do it is probably what you are more interested in.
> .


 This post is a great reply and is really such a great way for us SA sufferers to beat some of our fears. Anylyze the situation, find a solution and perservere no matter what.Well done jamesdaniel, I still fear dancing in public but really enjoy dancing at home with the wife and kids to the wi dance and other music we play.


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

jamesdaniel said:


> Eventually I found a dance class that I liked, pushed through the pain and realised the source of my fear. Only once I understood why I was affraid to dance was I able to overcome it.
> 
> It was obvious on one level. I was affraid to dance because I was affraid to look like an idiot and have people laugh at me. But thats obvious right. What wasnt obvious to me at first was that *dancing is a skill that is learned.* I hadnt learned it so of course I couldnt do it, and was rightfully affraid of it.
> 
> ...


Awesome story, jamesdaniel. Congrats and thanks for sharing. Hope it helps the original poster.

There was the learning part of it, but more important to my mind was your thought process. I think learning to accept being laughed at (disapproval of others) is important all around, not just for dance.


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## Anthony45 (Jan 17, 2012)

ForgetMeForever said:


> I think learning to accept being laughed at (disapproval of others) is important all around, not just for dance.


 That's an excellent point too ForgetMeForever, definately a big part in dealing with SA. The only trouble is we are a sensitive bunch sometimes (god knows I am)...


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## ForgetMeForever (May 3, 2011)

Anthony45 said:


> That's an excellent point too ForgetMeForever, definately a big part in dealing with SA. The only trouble is we are a sensitive bunch sometimes (god knows I am)...


Yep, I'm not sure there's many people in the world that *like* to be laughed *at*. But to people who don't have social anxiety, if they are laughed at, its not as big of a deal. They can shrug it off.

I'm practicing self-compassion and some other cognitive things, plus just exposing myself to situations where I can be laughed at. I'm finding it is starting to help.

About 15 months ago I was having constant panic attacks and I was practically bed-ridden. I just couldn't stand to see another living soul. Now I have a part-time job standing on a corner holding a sign and moving around (semi-aerobics). I feel like I'm getting paid to exercise and get exposure therapy.

Last Saturday, two little boys stood behind me and giggled for awhile. They got bored and left when I didn't react. I just kept doing my work. I gave myself positive messages about my performance and mentally thanked God for the job.

I feel like its the cognitive portion that has helped me the most, I was so down on myself before. I couldn't do it at all if I was still thinking the way I used to. Plus St John's Wort has helped my depression ease.


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## MGPElectricGuitar (Jan 7, 2012)

I viewed this thread, not because I have a fear of dancing, but because I just find it embarrassing. Plus I don't know how to dance! My brother has a wedding coming up in July and I promissed a dance with my brother's fiance's nan lol. I was asked by her nan at the last wedding I went too - I refused about 100 times. I have the feeling I am doomed!

However maybe I can start to learn how too and improve on it. Instead of avoiding people to dance with.


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## Anthony45 (Jan 17, 2012)

ForgetMeForever said:


> I feel like its the cognitive portion that has helped me the most, I was so down on myself before. I couldn't do it at all if I was still thinking the way I used to. Plus St John's Wort has helped my depression ease.


 Good for you for perservering and making progress, good luck with everything...


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## FoggyMirror (Oct 23, 2010)

I avoid anything that involves the possibility of dancing. I have danced in the past with girlfriends in front of people, but never with complete strangers. I think the idea of dancing with strangers seems really weird. Definitely don't mind dancing in private with 1 person, but this idea of dancing in a club setting or in front of a big wedding crowd definitely makes me uneasy.


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## CipherAgent (Feb 22, 2012)

I've embarrassed myself over the past decade to cover a dozen people's lifetimes. Looking like a spaz for a little dancing won't even give me a second thought.


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