# first relationship. scared and excited.



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

So.... I met this girl through a dating site.... we talked through email and chat for a couple of weeks - almost every day - and now we have talked on the phone. Shes really shy, in the same position as me, no friends, has difficulty making conversation. We only talked on the phone for about 10 mins, she was very quiet (so was I), and it was hugely awkward. Yet whenever I talk to her I feel good about it - even if it is awkward. I don't care what we talk about. I have never felt like this before. It is something.... profound. To be able to share so much. We decided we should meet next week, she's gonna come on a bus next saturday and spend the day with me.    !

I'm scared 'cause I don't completely know how she feels about me. She obviously likes me, but I need to know if she feels the same as I do. I guess I should ask her next time we talk - which will probably be this sunday. :con

Also, the internet is the only link I have to her, she hasn't given me her phone number, and I don't know exactly where she lives. She doesn't have a computer and has to use the ones at university - I'm afraid that if she stopped using those computers for some reason there would be no way for me to communicate with her (probably an irrational fear, i guess I should simply ask for her number lol). 

Ok so those last 2 paragraphs were stupid. I have no reason to be anything but happy for a change. I should stop being so ****ing insecure.

Lol. Anyway I guess this post is completely pointless really. I don't need any advice, or sympathy. Yay me.


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

congrats! that's great! 
happy for ya  good luck!


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## aloha.kay (Oct 31, 2006)

> she hasn't given me her phone number, and I don't know exactly where she lives


She probably just wants to make sure your not psycho before she hands out her personal info. If she won't ever give you her number, I guess you'll know how she feels about you. (yikes)



> Yay me


Yay andy1984! Congrats and good luck next Saturday :mushy


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

:banana


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## Squizzy (Dec 21, 2004)

I am entering my first relationship too and I know how thrilling and nerve wracking it can be! We met on Myspace and then texted for a while and met in real life for the first time this past Monday. I was so scared, I thought it was a joke or some ploy or couldn't possibly be happening. I am so grateful for him as he is extremely tolerant and puts up with a lot of my craziness. We're meeting again next week. Happiness!! :banana I hope all goes well for you and the girl you've met!


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## pentagon (Dec 13, 2005)

cool  let us know how it goes.


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## Christian (Oct 5, 2006)

I've always been skeptical of online meeting/dating but I really hope it all works out for you. Good luck!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Thanks guys! This is going to be one very long week. I was thinking about it all day at work yesterday :time.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

All you young people on this board getting into relationships except me. Man I'm envious! Good luck though.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

:boogie :boogie :boogie for Andy1984!


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## Lilangel27 (Oct 6, 2006)

I am very envious as well....Good luck Andy, keep us updated to what happens!!


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## Skroderider (Oct 4, 2006)

Congratulations! It must feel great


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Ok so she rang again today. We talked for a while, and she gave me her phone number - I guess I'm not a psycho after all :b. I'm gonna ring her some time this week. How do you stand all of the waiting? It's driving me crazy! :time


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

Hi Andy,
Congrats on finding someone you get along so well with!
:twak I just want to whack you upside the head one good time. Don't get ahead of yourself.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! Seriously...last December, I was feeling everything that you are feeling now. Does it feel so eeirily fateful and almost like breathing for the first time in your life? It sure did for me and it felt so great. I was lonely, but never depressed before and now I had a smart, beautiful, interesting woman who actually made time in her day to come and talk to me... I was absolutely at the top of the world...

Fast forward to today: I have suffered from a seemingly endless cycle of deeply depressive states of existence for the past 7 months, and have battled the lonelyness I had before infinitely magnified. My outlook on life has completely changed, and don't have the passions I once did.
(Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my experience for the world. I honestly feel like she has been the chief catalyst that has put my life on a better path....its just not better right now.)

I just want to advise you not to get ahead of yourself...don't overthink your relationship. Just enjoy her company and having fun with her, ensure you communicate what your thoughts and feelings about each other are. If you don't, you may interprete her intentions and goals entirely different than your own. Don't let your relationship become imbalanced in that respect.

Don't invest all of your time and energy in her. It is not healthy for you, her, or your relationship. Get out and do stuff without her; do stuff with other friends if you have them. It makes time spent with her more cherished, as well as giving you more to talk about.

Don't become over dependent on each other! Maintain your hobbies if you have them.

Please don't think I am trying to deter you from enjoying your relationship with this woman...I wish you nothing but the best for you, but I don't want you to get hurt out of this either. I made these major mistakes and more, and I am still paying heavily for entering so carelessly.

Just wanted to advise you not to follow in my footsteps...Best of luck Andy...congrats again on finding each other! I really am happy for you...even if the mood of this post doesn't feel like it!
:boogie

Scott
*crawls back under rock*


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

andy1984 said:


> So.... I met this girl through a dating site.... we talked through email and chat for a couple of weeks - almost every day - and now we have talked on the phone. Shes really shy, in the same position as me, no friends, has difficulty making conversation. We only talked on the phone for about 10 mins, she was very quiet (so was I), and it was hugely awkward. Yet whenever I talk to her I feel good about it - even if it is awkward. I don't care what we talk about. I have never felt like this before. It is something.... profound. To be able to share so much. We decided we should meet next week, she's gonna come on a bus next saturday and spend the day with me.    !
> 
> I'm scared 'cause I don't completely know how she feels about me. She obviously likes me, but I need to know if she feels the same as I do. I guess I should ask her next time we talk - which will probably be this sunday. :con
> 
> ...


This wasn't a pointless post. When you have an event or person make you happy and share it with us it makes us feel good. Thanks for sharing. Hope things go well and if not at least you can say you are definitely taking initiative to change so I respect you for that big time. Sorry I keep editing. Advice? Well make your meetings at the beginning active. That way the date itself will give you two things to discuss and at the same time personal questions can be thrown in to learn more about each other.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AnxiousAirman said:


> *crawls back under rock*


You crawl right back out from underneath that rock :wife.
We need you to fly them planes! :yes
You rock! Thank you for sharing this.


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

That's great! Gives me hope for finding someone myself on a dating site.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Thanks for the advice! I know what you mean AnxiousAirman, but I'm not sure I can stop myself. I don't really have any hobbies or other friends. I guess its good that we live a few hours apart so we'll only really meet on weekends and I can spend the rest of the week doing whatever. I'll try to keep your advice in mind though.

Were meeting tomorrow. I still havn't decided what were gonna do. I'm guessing lunch at a cafe and a walk on the beach are enough?



Meta Ridley said:


> That's great! Gives me hope for finding someone myself on a dating site.


Good luck in your search Meta Ridley.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Yay!


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

andy1984 said:


> I know what you mean AnxiousAirman, but I'm not sure I can stop myself.


Don't make me thump ya again, Andy! :spank

j/k, I couldn't have stopped myself either...your own feelings will always trump some strangers warnings...



> Were meeting tomorrow. I still haven't decided what were gonna do. I'm guessing lunch at a cafe and a walk on the beach are enough?


I'm excited for you Andy. Expect there to be a time warp tomorrow that coincides precisely with your time spent with her! 

Just remember....keep your expectations realistic, don't get ahead of yourself, and let her know how you feel. (repeat 10 times for emphasis)
... ... and enjoy yourselves!!!(repeat 1000 times for emphasis)
(I remember I made a fool outta myself ice-skating...luckily she was there to catch me!  its always fun immasculating oneself right?)

Goodluck!
AA


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Ok so it went both good and bad. I guess I should have planned something properly, lunch and a walk were not enough to get us to engage much - and she stayed for about 5 hours, so there was a lot of time to fill. She was much prettier than I thought she would be, and for a while I felt like she wouldn't like me. It was awkward, we couldn't really come up with things to say. Between the long periods of awkwardness we did talk a bit. It was much harder than I had thought it would be. I wanted to sit close to her an put my arm around her, but it took me over an hour to bring myself to do it. Overall though we both liked it and are gonna meet again next weekend. :love


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## Skroderider (Oct 4, 2006)

That's great, Andy! I'm sincerely glad that you're getting somewhere .


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

Awesome Andy!.... I'm happy for you two!
All of what you said sounds way too familiar for me! 
(Awwww memories...BLEAH....life sucks.... :lol)

Took you only an hour to put your arm around her eh?... hmm, took me like me like an hour sitting in a movie theater :shock (An hour in that setting... what was wrong with me?...haha)

Take it easy Andy! We're all pulling for ya.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

So we went on our second date today. I drove for 2 hours to get there, we got lunch, went to the library, saw a movie (The Departed, I liked it), went for a walk, sat and talked for a while, and then I drove back.

At first it was awkward like our first date, but it got better later and it felt way more comfortable. I my arm around her again, held hands and kissed her on the cheek (which was kinda difficult 'cause I've never even kissed anyone on the cheek before).

We're gonna meet up again next weekend and she might be staying the night.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Glad to hear it's working out for you so far. That's great.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

She is gonna stay the night, she called yesterday and said she was gonna bring a sleeping bag. I suppose that she kinda wanted to clarify what she expects to happen today? Still dont know if she wants to sleep in the same bed or not, but we'll see. I guess this is more of a trust building thing. I'm not sure weather I should take things as far as shes comfortable with or just let her take the lead. Should we hang out in my room or go out? 

You'd better reply quick, only got 3 hours till she gets here.


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## Geronimo (Aug 23, 2006)

Just don't think about it, no point in being pushy, though you can suggest in a joke that the bed is probably going to be more comfortable than the sleeping bag... you can also be a gentleman and let her sleep on the bed while you sleep on the couch or something. Doesn't matter really what happens - just have a good time!

I'm sure that if you surrender yourself to the flow, everything will be just fine.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

whatever you do, dont make her sleep on the ground.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Oops, she did sleep on the floor for a while - I asked her if she was sure, she said it was ok, I guess I should have been more assertive, but I'm not sure. We ended up squeezing into my bed for most of the night and cuddling, kissing and talking (the talking was actually quite good). Anyway it was great/wonderful/amazing/(insert your own adjective here) :boogie. I feel really close to her now. Kinda need some advice though. I don't know if its normal but I'm not really sexually attracted to her. When I think about her I don't really think about sex so much as mushyness :mushy (lol). Don't get me wrong, when I'm around her I'm like a 12 year old boy ops, but the thought of sex just seems so foreign. Like kissing, it seemed kinda weird at first, but I want to get better at it, just 'cause thats what people do (I'm not really sure I'm doing it right, I'll google it later). Is that normal? I'm thinking that my feelings will change as we ahh... experiment? The only real guide I have is TV and I'm thinking thats not the greatest source of information. On TV it seems so natural when people kiss and stuff, it doesn't look like they even have to try. That just confuses me. I think I'm gonna do some more googling. Lol I can still taste her. :heart


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## workman (Mar 5, 2004)

congrats! :banana


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

well golly jeepers Andy...
Glad you're enjoyin' yourselves...
As far as the kissing goes...I know what you mean.... the urges for any sexual intimacy seemed to wain when I was in that situation too... everything seemed sorta unnatural.

I would definitely not look to TV for tips... :um Not too many celebs on here, so no sense pretending we're in Hollywood.
You talked about this at all with her? Does she feel awkward like you do?
Anyway, Enjoy your experimentation... :yes don't get too crazy lad.
:banana


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## Geronimo (Aug 23, 2006)

*Re: re: first relationship. scared and excited.*



andy1984 said:


> Oops, she did sleep on the floor for a while - I asked her if she was sure, she said it was ok, I guess I should have been more assertive, but I'm not sure. We ended up squeezing into my bed for most of the night and cuddling, kissing and talking (the talking was actually quite good). Anyway it was great/wonderful/amazing/(insert your own adjective here) :boogie. I feel really close to her now. Kinda need some advice though. I don't know if its normal but I'm not really sexually attracted to her. When I think about her I don't really think about sex so much as mushyness :mushy (lol). Don't get me wrong, when I'm around her I'm like a 12 year old boy ops, but the thought of sex just seems so foreign. Like kissing, it seemed kinda weird at first, but I want to get better at it, just 'cause thats what people do (I'm not really sure I'm doing it right, I'll google it later). Is that normal? I'm thinking that my feelings will change as we ahh... experiment? The only real guide I have is TV and I'm thinking thats not the greatest source of information. On TV it seems so natural when people kiss and stuff, it doesn't look like they even have to try. That just confuses me. I think I'm gonna do some more googling. Lol I can still taste her. :heart


I'm glad for you man! It's so wonderful feeling to cuddle and kiss and then sleep embracing person you really like. Don't worry about that sex and kissing thing. There is NO right or wrong, just don't think about it when you kiss her. Think about how you like her, just slip into the moment and let it go... Screw the TV, screw google - practice is the only way to go 

Again, I'm glad for you. Report back when you have a chance.


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## OneSADClown (Apr 14, 2004)

andy1984 said:


> So we went on our second date today. I drove for 2 hours to get there, we got lunch, went to the library, saw a movie (The Departed, I liked it), went for a walk, sat and talked for a while, and then I drove back.
> 
> At first it was awkward like our first date, but it got better later and it felt way more comfortable. I my arm around her again, held hands and kissed her on the cheek (which was kinda difficult 'cause I've never even kissed anyone on the cheek before).
> 
> We're gonna meet up again next weekend and she might be staying the night.


wow.. i was reading your posts and i just thought how much i can relate (i'm entering a relationship with a shy girl myself at the moment and i really like her, like you) but then you mentioned you saw "The Departed" and that it took you an hour to get your arm around her.... and that was _exactly_ what happened with us... same movie, same situation... hehe

btw, did you get anything from the movie? i don't know if it really was _that_ confusing or i was just too entranced with her, but i really didn't understand a lot.. we also got a little bit late in, so...

and i just read about your sleepover.. WOW!!! way to go! :banana looks like this girl will truly bring you the happiness you deserve.. enjoy your time together, and be open and honest with her at all times (i'm currently telling myself this)!

i am getting this happy feeling when i read your post, because i can imagine how you feel.. it's indescribable, really.. just don't give into temptation to squeeze her _too_ hard.. heheh

and don't worry about sex.. it'll come naturally when you both feel that way.. definitely don't try to rush it..

i'm really happy for you! :boogie


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Thanks for the replies! Its great to have somewhere I can talk about this. Its the best thing thats happened to me ever.



Geronimo said:


> Screw the TV, screw google - practice is the only way to go


Yeah I think you're right, I think I'll have to discuss it with her to... ahhh... perfect my kissing lol.

Thats awesome OneSADClown. I really liked the movie, some parts were a little confusing for me too. Thats crazy that we're in exactly the same situations. The feeling is indescribeable isnt it - I'm really enjoying feeling these new things. I wish it could last forever. I'll try not to rush things, just see what develops naturally.

OMG life rocks!


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## AskJeeves (May 25, 2005)

what is the link to this dating site? lol


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Lolz, it was plentyoffish.com. I guess I was just really lucky.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I felt pretty down all last week, untill the weekend - missing her a lot, and I didn't realize how I was letting my negative thoughts get the better of me. This week I'm determined to keep my thoughts positive. I'll try to look forward to seeing her again rather than worry about how long I have to wait, try to enjoy talking to her on the phone instead of wishing she was here in person. I guess I shouldn't let this be the only thing I care about in my life. Today I decided that I'm gonna have a good week at work and try to work hard - I even managed to do 2 hours overtime.

Oh yeah and once again the date was great! :banana Kissing feels pretty natural now. Things are going well.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

This thread is awesome. I hope i can make one like it someday.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I'm starting to get bored of our relationship. I feel really weird about it. And confused. Been having mood swings lately, keep changing the way I feel about my g/f. I hate this. I wish I could stay the way I was. It just seems that this is leading nowhere. All we have in common is that we are shy and have few hobbies - so we end up spending our time together sitting around. I still care about her a lot and I really want the relationship to last at least a bit longer. Bah I have no idea what I feel. And I think shes going through exactly the same thoughts. I'd say there's a 50% chance it'll be over by next year. If it does end I will go back to having nothing - thats what scares me the most. Meh, this time next week I'll probably feel great about it again. Arrrggg why does this have to be so confusing? :fall


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

This time next week? Try a few hours later. No ones even had a chance to reply and I've changed my mind already. Yep must be the mood swings. I should stop thinking altogether. :con :sigh :mushy


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

... And now its over. **** **** ****. I have nothing.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Hope you find a good girl out there. Sorry this happened to you though.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Yeah. I'm over it already. Such is life. It had to end eventually. It was great while it lasted and I've learned a lot and gained a whole heap of confidence. I think we're still gonna be friends... which is great 'cause I don't have any.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

"Doesn't bother me. Reminds me of my g/f and I. I wish them happiness."

:con :con 

That changed from + to - very fast.....


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

maybe you just desire closeness without having anyone dependent on you. I'm kinda in a same boat right now, I dont care for a boyfriend, but I feel drawn to one of my guy friends for some reason. Maybe because hes really quiet too. We just sit and talk for hours, today i went over to his house, we just snuggled under a blanket and watched a movie, I even feel comfortable kissing him, though I feel no sexual desire for anything, its just being close to someone makes me feel safe. 
I'm weird. :stu


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

*Re: re: first relationship. scared and excited.*



Equisgurl said:


> maybe you just desire closeness without having anyone dependent on you. I'm kinda in a same boat right now, I dont care for a boyfriend, but I feel drawn to one of my guy friends for some reason. Maybe because hes really quiet too. We just sit and talk for hours, today i went over to his house, we just snuggled under a blanket and watched a movie, I even feel comfortable kissing him, though I feel no sexual desire for anything, its just being close to someone makes me feel safe.
> I'm weird. :stu


Did you mean to post that here? This thread has been dead for a long time... And I desire having a g/f - whether that makes them dependent on me I'm not sure...


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