# Why are SOME loners seen as cool, and some seen as scary or weird.



## ForgettableDoll

Like there are some people who can get away with being aloof, and mysterious. And there's another crowd that gets questioned for not being social.


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## Nanuki

.


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## crimeclub

James Dean, was a notorious loner and outcast, yet still considered the coolest guy to ever live.


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## zoslow

May be related to attractiveness but also how you behave. Some loners just prefers to spend a lot of time on their own but it doesn't mean they can't be social or come off like any other guy when they want to. Then you have people that are lonely because of insecurities and/or because they don't know how to behave around people and then they are considered weird.


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## CatFiend

The cool loners do what they want and don't care what people think of them and are probably loners by choice, the other loners are lonely people who might have bad social skills and are insecure.


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## StrangePeaches

I guess it depends on why they are loners


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## Boomaloom

I think loners who are perceived as cool generally have huge self confidence. Nothing phases them and they choose to limit their socializing because they like time to themselves and to be free from other people's restrictions. Guys who go from girlfriend to girlfriend but don't want to settle down would fit that bill.

Then there are loners who are insecure about themselves and that insecurity easily transmits to others, who then naturally go in the opposite direction. It never ceases to amaze me how quick people can gauge your true personality. I have been in lots of "meeting new people" situations and I can tell that people have my social awkwardness sussed inside the first half hour.


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## Zeeshan

Depends on how attractive they are


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## ForeverInBloom

Confidence.


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## Jinkies

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser


So very true. If you're good looking you're some kind of Edward Cullen broody man of mystery. He walks shirtless down the highway with a six pack gleaming and a fresh Marlboro poking from his partially open mouth, between his full pouty lips. He spends the night alone in the forest, pouncing on wolves and eating their raw flesh whilst doing 120 single handed push ups.

If you're bad looking you're just some weird freak that people want to poke with a stick whilst they shout 'OMG it just moved!"


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## Just Here

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


+1


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## Steinerz

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


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## Saius

I was thinking about this today at work and I think I have a legitimate answer... I think people who are aloof and avoid people strike others as "cool" because they are hard to get to know, BUT they don't want you to get to know them. People with SA latch onto others quickly and will try to get close to someone... WE are hard to get to know because we are bad at communication, but we are clingy to a degree... I think it's a case of wanting what you can't have.


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## mezzoforte

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


You beat me to it, lol.

Unfortunately I fall in the weirdo category, but whatever. :b


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## Just Here

Saius said:


> I was thinking about this today at work and I think I have a legitimate answer... I think people who are aloof and avoid people strike others as "cool" because they are hard to get to know, BUT they don't want you to get to know them. People with SA latch onto others quickly and will try to get close to someone... WE are hard to get to know because we are bad at communication, but we are clingy to a degree... I think it's a case of wanting what you can't have.


I agree with this. But I have never felt "cool" by being a loner.


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## Xander916

its cuz their attractive


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## ChuckBrown

I wish I was a cool loaner.


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## crimeclub

ChuckBrown said:


> I wish I was a cool loaner.


Sharks are cool, you should be a loan shark.


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## ShineGreymon

Being a loner is never cool. Loner is a trait that is almost always reversed in media. The loner is a competent person who is good looking, well spoken, he just chosses to be a lone. The woman sometimes man, will then change him and make him like working with people and being together. If the loner is ugly, can't have a conversatin no female will seem it worth converting him and he will be deemed a geek.

There is no such thing as a cool loner. It is always a negative. Think about any show you have ever seen, at the end the loner changes to become a people person. The diffrnece he is he was seen to be worthy of changing in the first place. Most loners in the media are good looking and have competent abilty to hold conversation. Loners in real life will rarely have ethier. And even if they do, it would not matter as no one is willing to "save" lonely people. No one cares to be perfectly honest.


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## Imbored21

Cool Loners:
Don't care that they're loners (well they probably do but don't show it)
Attractive

Loser Loners:
Ugly
Nerdy
Play video games all day
Have acne
No confidence
Awkward


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## FunkyFedoras

For me it comes down to behavior. Depending on how people act/what they say is how I gauge why I think they'd be a loner. Personally I've never seen loners as mysterious and cool because I'm a loner and I don't think I'm mysterious and cool, lol. I can understand why other people would though. Although, I think after a while even cool & mysterious loses it's charm and people just start wondering why you're always alone and that it's odd.


Also I agree that whether or not the person is attractive is definitely something people use to label.


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## SilentLyric

I'm definitely one of the cool loners. no-ebrag.


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## HanSolo

I'm a loner, I wonder what in the world my near-crushgirl thinks of me


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## Adam42

*Choice*

I think it might come down to choice. If someone has decided to isolate themselves on purpose, but still conforms to social norms for the most part, they are seen as something of a martyr.

However if they have been forced into isolation because they don't fit in, they aren't going to be looked upon to kindly by the masses.

Although I imagine attractiveness also plays a part in it.


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## rockiscool

ForgettableDoll said:


> Like there are some people who can get away with being aloof, and mysterious. And there's another crowd that gets questioned for not being social.


Im a ''semi loner''but people like me.Ladies like me 70% of the time
or at least I don't scare them.


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## GrainneR

If you're alone, but you have at least one other quality that's admirable or enviable, such as connections, wealth, or aesthetic appeal, then it seems as though the isolation is by choice. This person could have friends, but chooses not to; further, this is a choice not many would understand or empathize with, which prompts the mysterious aspect of this persona.
Other loners, who are without these attractive qualities, are assumed to be alone due to their own shortcomings and failures as people (even though many of these aspects are out of our control or ability to influence). This makes them losers, because not only are they alone, but no one wants them.
In a way, it's kind of like a weird mix of social-Darwinism and social-supply and demand.


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## allthatsparkles

ForgettableDoll said:


> Like there are some people who can get away with being aloof, and mysterious. And there's another crowd that gets questioned for not being social.


Because there's a difference between consciously choosing to be alone or somewhat antisocial and being alone because no one wants to spend time with you.

The first one is viewed as more socially acceptable because it's clear that they, as a person, are socially adept and likeable but have made the choice to spend more time on their own, rather than with people.

On the other hand, other people are perceived as not having that choice because they, as a person, are not viewed as normal, likeable or someone people wanted to be around.


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## Benutzername

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


Genau so ist es! 
Hi viele Grüße aus Deutschland!


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## abc1234

benutzername said:


> genau so ist es!
> Hi viele grüße aus deutschland!


so true...


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## rensational

Okay, it seems like this thread is largely assuming the loner is male, and I know a lot of loners ARE male.

But I'm a female loner, and I must say that I get BOTH--questioned for not being social AND perceived as mysterious (not necessarily "cool"). I do not think I am physically attractive. I'm black and overweight. There are tons of people, regardless of what you look like in the face, for whom being overweight is not attractive and tons of people who do not find black women attractive. So, it's not always that someone is attractive physically, but it can be. Most of the answers here point to looks or personality, and my observation has been that those are the two of the most common reasons why some loners are considered cool/mysterious and others are considered weird or socially inept.

For me, I think it's generally my personality that makes people think I'm "mysterious," but whether I'm perceived as mysterious or "antisocial"/"weird"/"stuck-up" (or some other negative) also has a LOT to do with people's ideas about socializing and their ability to read people. I am someone who does not appear to be shy or weird; I appear to have very normal social skills and some level of confidence. I am a loner by choice. People who can't read that *or, more commonly*, who believe, based on their own personality, that everyone likes/wants to socialize tend to read me as shy/needing to be "brought out" or more negatively, i.e to think I am "antisocial" and want to know why I never talk to anyone. Otherwise, people think I'm "mysterious"...and it's almost always women who think I'm mysterious. Guys act more like there's something wrong with me...never that I'm a weirdo, scary or a freak, but just weird that I don't talk or socialize.

Guys get the weirdo/scary/freak thing more, but I've known women who creeped people out--it was their personality. In fact, I worked with one, and everyone at work liked me even though I wasn't social but felt weirded out by her (including me--she flipped out about dumb, little things and seemed like she could easily snap, plus apparently most people there knew she has been on/off medication and taking meds makes people weirded out by you). I also just left a job where there was a quiet guy, and he was viewed as more mysterious because there didn't seem to be anything weird about how he acted; he was just quiet. No one thinks he's particularly hot.


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## Andras96

Yes, as others have already stated, it ultimately comes down to how attractive/unattractive someone is.


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## Brilliantly Beta

My guess is that it is largely psychological/instinctive from day one of our existence. Human beings sense two types of danger: physical danger and social danger. Physical danger is a direct threat to a tribe/clique in the form of a physically damaging threat such as a predator. Social danger is within the group. It is the weaker member of a clique/tribe or an outsider who will either directly drag down all members of a current clique/tribe or undermine the psychology which is bad news for the alpha who becomes questionable. Humans are still largely territorial, though we rely on the grounds of reputation/social status rather than the ground we own nowadays. 

A loner can be seen as:

A. A weak link that has been booted out of a clique/tribe and thus will be sensed and rejected instinctively from a strong clique/tribe that does not need an "outsider/weirdo" undermining them (essentially it's natural selection at it's cruellest).

B. A maverick. An outsider that has broken away from his/her previous clique/tribe. An alpha human that has rejected their clique/tribe with the intention of forming his/her own, to dominate. This person will form ideas/traits that conflict with their original clique/tribe thus forcing them to go alone. They may have rejected their clique/tribe in the hope of finding like minded people.

Now imagine having set instincts on finding a clique/tribe to survive in. If you already have your own idea of what you need to survive and are a follower, do you:

A. Choose the weak link that will drag you down and likely not make a good leader

OR.

B. Choose the maverick/'cooler person' who is likely to be the stronger more resourceful and innovative leader. 

Likewise if you were stronger and more leading would you rather:

A. Choose a weak link that will make your tribe/clique fail and undermine your choices in them as a leader.

OR.

B. Have a good strong contender who is less likely to fold under a challenge?

We like to think we are a more superior more advanced species, but our old brain and it's instincts are still very much intact and active .


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## Davis6050

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


And sometimes Loner+attractive=Snob, arrogant "How dare she not validate me! She thinks she is too good!"


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## Malek

Imbored21 said:


> Cool Loners:
> Don't care that they're loners (well they probably do but don't show it)
> Attractive
> 
> Loser Loners:
> Ugly
> Nerdy
> Play video games all day
> Have acne
> No confidence
> Awkward


Guess I'm classified as a Loser Loner based on this criteria.


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## Lonelyguy111

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


Agreed.
If you happen to be very good looking and you stay alone, people will still respect you. If you are not so good looking, or outrightly homely, they will assume you are a serial killer, weirdo geek, and / or mentally ill.

Mankind looks on the outside to judge a person all too often.


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## gamingpup

Nanuki said:


> Loner + attractive = cool mysterious person
> Loner + unattractive = scary, weirdo, freak, loser
> 
> And maybe that the former seem like they choose to be alone, the latter seem alone because nobody wants them.


Yep.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm sort of in the middle. I don't know where I stand.


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## Ms Yesterday

I'd rather befriend the weird loner if the cool one is the snobby kind with a "I hate everyone don't talk to me" kind of outlook.


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## Justlittleme

life is about how you show yourself in front of other people, and if you mean it or not. Now, it's not like this for me, for me life serves it's purpose. It wasn't till recently I truly understood this.


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## keyboardsmahshfwa

It all boils down to confidence and the tone the person gives off. Usually, it's the apathetic, laid back loners who are considered the "cool loners". The ones who behave awkwardly and show very little confidence are labeled as the "creepy, loser loners".

Physical attraction might be a factor, but the way you present yourself has more of an impact on how others view you.


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## apx24

Imbored21 said:


> Cool Loners:
> Don't care that they're loners (well they probably do but don't show it)
> Attractive
> 
> Loser Loners:
> Ugly
> Nerdy
> Play video games all day
> Have acne
> No confidence
> Awkward


Yep.


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## Slytherclaw

I think it depends on what KIND of loner you are... not sure what the distinction is, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with appearance and body language, that sort of thing.

I'm kind of a mixed bag, lol. When I left school a few people admitted they thought I was the coolest sh** ever because of how "aloof" I was. Might've been the leather jacket and combat boots I wore all throughout senior year too, idk. :lol

But mostly I got questioned a lot. And I came off as a bit intimidating because I seemed stuck up or something. I don't think I _look _weird, but once people talked to me they probably realized I was really weird. And secretly I always wished I would come off as scary, because I wanted to be intimidating in a tough, cool way and not a "wow this girl is way too quiet" way, haha.


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## Slytherclaw

Imbored21 said:


> Cool Loners:
> Don't care that they're loners (well they probably do but don't show it)
> Attractive
> 
> Loser Loners:
> Ugly
> *Nerdy
> Play video games all day
> *Have acne
> No confidence
> *Awkward*


Actually, these bolded traits seem to be "in" as of late... but like, the cute kind of awkward. Whatever that is. I know playing video games all day is the norm for a lot of people, teenagers especially. I don't even know what nerdy is supposed to mean anymore, it's thrown around just for liking something these days, but it's supposedly cool to be nerdy.

(If I'm dead wrong, just disregard that; I'm out of touch with modern society.)



Ms Yesterday said:


> I'd rather befriend the weird loner if the cool one is the snobby kind with a "I hate everyone don't talk to me" kind of outlook.


I think a lot of people with SA have that "I hate everyone don't talk to me" problem. I know I do, and it's a defense mechanism, not being snobby. I'm sure there are snobby people that act that way, but just mentioning it in case you were generalizing.


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## ShatteredGlass

Yeeeeeaaah, I've had people call me scary because I don't talk, am always alone in the same spot, and "appear out of nowhere"

-________________-


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## Nessie91

I was actually browsing the site _*Goodreads *_this morning checking out what books were most popular amongst young adults lately. 
And almost _all _the main hero's were portrayed as lonely outcast rebels... but all were described like models or had six packs on the front covers LOL there's your answer.

If you're good looking then you can get away with anything.


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