# Can guys and girls be "just friends"?



## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

Just curious, because many times I have befriended a girl I can't help but be attracted to her, but they don't reciprocate my feelings and I end up chasing them to no effect.

But a couple times the girl was attracted to me but I didn't feel the same about her, the end result was the relationship collapsing. She gets mad at me for not understanding why I just don't want to date her, and I avoid her as much as possible when she escalates.

I just seem to have bad luck...like when I am interested they are not interested, but when I am not interested they are interested (wtf?!). It's some sort of topsy turvy attraction thing going on, like my brain has reverse polarity when it comes to attracting.

anyways, was wondering if guys and girls can be just friends because it seems one or the other person starts falling for the other no matter what happens.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

Nay.

Every society in history kept sexes isolated. Men have always gathered with men, woman have always gathered with women.

Current western society is an experiment in pushing the limits of gender limitations. We'll go the way of the communists and eventually slowly crawl back on our hands and knees like China's done with capitalism.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

It seems to me that there is usually attraction on one side or the other. It may not be overt, but that's the way it's been in most of my real friendships with women. Who has that attraction is usually determined by who is more attractive (duh). But most of the time, it seems that the guy is attracted to the girl.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

To add to this:

Why do you think the marine corps segregates sexes in training?

"we just wanna be friends" don't cut it.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

Nice, drealm. Oorah!

However, I believe it's possible to have friends of the opposite sex without any feelings. I made a ton recently in college by living in the dorms. They weren't all falling for me, and vice versa.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I'm sure through out the course of human history it has happened more than a couple times, lol.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

In most cases, one always likes the other as more than a friend.


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

Women werent even allowed at all on submarines until 2010


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## ZeroX4 (Feb 25, 2010)

It depends on the situation. I'm friends with certain females and neither side looks at anything more than that.

But...I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've had females friends who I caught feelings for. I lost count of how many times that happened. For the most part, guys and girls can't just be friends, but it really depends on a lot of other things.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Absolutely.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Of course!

I've had two close guy friends for years and years and we have never had a problem. We also have no personal boundaries anymore, but it's so clear we're not romantically interested in one another it doesn't even matter.

I don't know, personally I don't find this a problem. I don't crush on people easily, and I don't know give off any sort of flirty vibe so I highly doubt any guy friends are crushing on me. The friend zone rocks.


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## uffie (May 11, 2010)

yes my best friend is a girl. She was once into me, but then we realized our friendship is worth more than any relationship.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Most of my best friends have been guys. For some reason, I don't generally get along with women.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Of course they can. Some of my best friends have been girls. Can't see any problem at all.

Me and Maggy Thatcher are bezzy mates.


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## Cyrus (Oct 25, 2009)

uffie said:


> yes my best friend is a girl. She was once into me, but then we realized our friendship is worth more than any relationship.


+1 Same story with me.

I think if you are close friends then inevitibly you may grow feelings for them, being around eachother all the time etc, but you can easily overcome them.


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## sash (Nov 16, 2009)

It's possible...chances of success go up higher if one of them is already in a relationship and both respect that fact or enter into the friendship under that status. Also if one of them is gay...chances go up even higher.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Yes, unless you're a polygamist


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, you can. I see it every now and then.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Only if there is no attraction (or very little attraction) on both sides.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Whitney said:


> Only if there is no attraction (or very little attraction) on both sides.


Ditto. Otherwise, it just doesn't work, in my opinion.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

sex segregation has been and is for the most part socially imposed. 



anyway, i absolutely think guys and girls can be just friends. attraction to a friend is natural but i think often it eventually fades, at least from my experience and from others i know.

it sounds like you just have some bad luck, perhaps you get crushes too easily. maybe you end up making friends with girls you are sort of your type and spending more time with them triggers feelings in you? i can see how someone who doesn't have any romantic relationships in their life and don't pursue any might end up having feelings for the only people of the opposite sex that they connect with and who show interest (even if it's just platonic). (ah... i'm totally not making assumptions there by the way, i just know i've experienced that in the past and it makes sense.)


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

nothing to fear said:


> sex segregation has been and is for the most part socially imposed.
> 
> anyway, i absolutely think guys and girls can be just friends. attraction to a friend is natural but i think often it eventually fades, at least from my experience and from others i know.
> 
> it sounds like you just have some bad luck, perhaps you get crushes too easily. maybe you end up making friends with girls you are sort of your type and spending more time with them triggers feelings in you? i can see how someone who doesn't have any romantic relationships in their life and don't pursue any might end up having feelings for the only people of the opposite sex that they connect with and who show interest (even if it's just platonic). (ah... i'm totally not making assumptions there by the way, i just know i've experienced that in the past and it makes sense.)


Yeah, haven't you ever heard the expression "she's like my sister, man". The friendship could start off with attraction based but overtime I do think it changes into something else if you just remain friends and it is mutual.


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

I am not remotely attracted to any of my guy friends.

then again- I am weird...
I've only ever been sexually attracted to one person in my whole life.

I find it easier to be friends with guys than with girls.
I've had some problems before with guys who were lonely and confused and thought that my friendship was something else- but I let them know flat out that I wasn't interested in anything other than friendship and that was pretty much it. -- I'm sure the same thing happens to guys who have lady friends... maybe not.


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

It depends on the person. Some people can be friends with the opposite sex and some people can't. I can. One of my best friends is a guy. We've been friends for 5 years. When we first met he flirted with me and I'd throw a sexual comment in sometimes but we were both single so...we acted single, haha. But we're not into each other. Most of his friends are female. He just gets along with women better because he himself is really sensitive and other men aren't very accepting of it or understanding. Everything's "no ****" with them. Most of my friends are female, though. I'm not friends with many males just because they tend to have another agenda and can't take no for an answer and it taints the friendship. But there are rare guys like my best friend who can be just my friend for a long time and never have any weirdness going on and I appreciate it. It helps to be able to go to someone with a male's point of view sometimes.

While having a girlfriend, it's never a problem but when a guy is interested in me and I'm interested in him (never becomes a boyfriend), he's always got an issue with it. ALWAYS. Men tend to be territorial and they don't realize how unattractive it is to me to be treated like I'm doing something wrong when I'm not. If I thought that there was a threat of anything I would be upfront and do something about it instead of being offended by it. Just because there are people who are incapable of having a true friendship with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean I should be scolded, you know? So I don't deal with it. If you can't accept who I'm friends with, I really don't need you around.

Rambling...yes, males and females can be friends depending on who they are.


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## NotRealName (Feb 28, 2010)

It all depends, I never got any attention from girls and so when I met this one I hanged on to her with dear life. We were just friends, things happened but still just friends. I wanted a dating thing to go on but I wasn't sure about her. Now I'm obsessing over her and its sucks so bad, its really does.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

I am friends with a number of women. IMO friendship does work when _ both parties_ realize that anything more is problematic. There can be attraction, but it is still realized by both the man and woman that dating, sleeping together, etc. is not a good idea any time in the forseeable future. For instance, as a graduate student, I was good friends with a woman who was devout and strict in her observance of Orthodox Judaism. Strict with the rules of dress, she never ever let me see her _knees_. She also once stated she did not want to have sex her_ first year of marriage_. Anyway, it was clear to me that she would be less than ideal as a lover. For whatever reasons, she wasn't interested in me either. Thanks to Facebook, we are back in touch.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

Cyrus said:


> +1 Same story with me.
> 
> I think if you are close friends then inevitibly you may grow feelings for them, being around eachother all the time etc, but you can easily overcome them.


Yes, it's hard though because after awhile there are certain aspects about the person like their behavior and personality that cause you to see them in a different light besides friends and/or casual acquaintances.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

nothing to fear said:


> sex segregation has been and is for the most part socially imposed.
> 
> anyway, i absolutely think guys and girls can be just friends. attraction to a friend is natural but i think often it eventually fades, at least from my experience and from others i know.
> 
> it sounds like you just have some bad luck, perhaps you get crushes too easily. maybe you end up making friends with girls you are sort of your type and spending more time with them triggers feelings in you? i can see how someone who doesn't have any romantic relationships in their life and don't pursue any might end up having feelings for the only people of the opposite sex that they connect with and who show interest (even if it's just platonic). (ah... i'm totally not making assumptions there by the way, i just know i've experienced that in the past and it makes sense.)


I pursue romantic relationships (everyone does and tries to), I'm not too different from many people here on this forum when it comes to number of romantic relationships either. Usually it's not alot (most have had 1-4 in their lifetime, but they counted for solid relationships not flings)

One interesting thing about me is that around attractive women I am not too confident, but around women I find unattractive I am very confident and speak my mind (probably because I am not afraid of screwing up around the unattractive person as there is no potential for a relationship and I don't desire it, so I can be myself)

Maybe its this illusory confidence that causes these women I don't find attractive to gravitate toward me and get interested in me and be my friend, and at the end I get frustrated because they are not my type at all when I do desire something. (btw, unattractive is not solely looks but personality or hygiene or behavior etc.)

What's needed here for me is a definite shift in mental thinking


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## fluidglide (Mar 1, 2009)

to answer the question, yes. guys and girls can be friends. and stay just friends.

the fact that one side might want something more at some point doesn't mean the other side will let the friendship turn into something more. 

so with the force and will of the person who feels no attraction, the relationship can and will only stay in a zone of friendship. it takes two people to like each other back for any form of romantic relationship to develop in any form.

the friendship CAN NOT advance to anything else unless both sides agree to it, unless there was something nonconsentual going on.


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## arrow77 (Nov 26, 2007)

I wouldn't mind having a girl as a friend. If she doesn't have a jealous boy friend around and we're comfortable hanging out, I dont see the problem.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I believe in platonic relationships but alot of the time one is attracted to the other but not always.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

It can work but it is rare for one of three reasons... 

1. One person develops 'feelings' and then things go awkward because the other person doesn't feel the same.
2. Both people develop feelings and relationship fails and hard feelings ruin the friendship.
3... that happens to me most... guy gets girlfriend, girlfriend is jealous, friend dumps me to be able to keep girlfriend (I've seen it happen many times in reverse - guy with female friend, female friend gets boyfriend and boyfriend is jealous and can't handle her having guy friend). Most people tend to always choose love over friendship - friend loses. After awhile you know to expect it.


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## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

yes.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Yes, it's possible. Many/most of my best friends have been women, and my two best friends are women that I've been in relationships with before. I'm very lucky that the "just friends" thing has worked out in both cases, because obviously it doesn't always.


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## Turkojan (Jan 30, 2010)

If they BOTH establish that they are just friends than yes. But most of the time, no not really. There will always be one who likes the other more imo, even if they don't say it. But then again, what the hell do I know?


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

TRENNER said:


> I was good friends with *a woman who was devout and strict in her observance of Orthodox Judaism. Strict with the rules of dress, she never ever let me see her knees. She also once stated she did not want to have sex her first year of marriage.*


Yummy.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Of course you can, though it's easier if they are not single lol. I am quite close friends with a couple of my mates girlfriends to the point where we often hang out even without him and there really are no feelings there. i dunno, I guess it varies depending on the situation but it's certainly possible. And no I am not gay :b


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Sure .... if one of them is homosexual.

Because otherwise 1 of three things will eventually happen :

1. They will get together romantically.

2. One would make a romantic move, get rejected; and the friendship will deteriorate.

3. One would feel more attraction than the other, but because of the risk of rejection, remain frustrated as just a friend while secretly wanting more.


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## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

I find it's difficult. It's difficult enough to find compatible females… then, for one party not to want something more. Then, for both parties to want the same thing.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Yes, you can. Even if there is some attraction there. You just have to act like adults.


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## wtf? (Mar 13, 2009)

One of my best friends is a girl. I guess I had a chance with her in the beginning when I first met her but ultimately I just didn't have those feelings for her. Plus my friends asked her on several occasions when I wasn't there what she thought of me and she stated that I was just a friend. I will say though that sometimes it is difficult not to look at her in that way, especially when I'm alone with her in my room, and/or drunk, and/or horny...


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## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

Friends as in hanging out regularly? Only if she's not attractive. If she were cute, it would only be a matter of time before I made a move and ruined the friendship.

Considering I don't have anymore platonic friends (I have one friend with benefits), my answer should be taken with a grain of salt.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Yeah, girls and guys can be friends without sexual tension/feelings and all that. . But I'd say majority guys and girls will probably wind up flirting and being attracted to one another, or only one person attracted while the other is repulsed lol. 
From what u said just sounds like bad luck, I feel u on that. Last two good guy firend I had liked me and basically ruined our friendship by pursuing that and ignoring the fact I dont reciprocate the feelings. Ignoring that girl is the way to go. Sometimes they just dont get it and its disrespectful for them to keep hounding you.


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## complex (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes but it is always better when they are dating someone like your friend. It makes it less awkard!


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

counterfeit self said:


> Just curious, because many times I have befriended a girl I can't help but be attracted to her, but they don't reciprocate my feelings and I end up chasing them to no effect.
> 
> But a couple times the girl was attracted to me but I didn't feel the same about her, the end result was the relationship collapsing. She gets mad at me for not understanding why I just don't want to date her, and I avoid her as much as possible when she escalates.
> 
> ...


I begin every new relationship as just friends. I have been seeing a man for almost 3 months and we go on dates but we are begining as friends. I believe a sucessful relationship is built on a strong foundation of friendship.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Yes they can. I mean it's likely at least one of them will fall for the other at some point, but girls and guys can make great friends.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I can name a whole group of people where the guys and girls are just friends. Half are married but not all of them. I've made 5 or 6 guy friends doing martial arts and while I was interested in one I never planned to date the rest. I always got along better with guys than girls and since kindergarten I haven't understood this seperation of genders. I think majority of the reason it fails to work is because we've seperated genders so much that most can only view the opposite sex as potential dating material. If we had more experience mixing with the other gender growing up we'd probably have much less trouble understanding the difference between just friends and dating material. We've created the problem for ourselves.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Yes. I've seen it, I've experienced it. It's possible.


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