# Asked a girl out ....got rejected



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

At work, a new girl started working there a few weeks ago. She totally caught my eye in a way that most girls never do, so I was determined to not let another opportunity slip by. I knew I had to talk to her. I initially started saying hello to her, but then after a few days I decided to go over to her desk. Before I had a chance to over think it and let my anxiety get the best of me, I just walked over there and asked her to come into the break room with me. She seemed a bit shy and hesitant at first, but agreed to come with. There are always other people in break room, so having them in there eased my anxiety.

So I did that a few times over the last couple weeks. We made a little bit of small talk but thats about it.

Then today I decided I was going to ask her out. I popped an Inderal pill about 90 minutes beforehand to ease the anxiety. Then I went for it. I walked over by her desk and asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said no. Then I said "Do you want to go on a date?" At this point, she gave me some sugar coated answer of no. She basically said she was "kind of seeing someone" (yeah right), blah blah blah.

"So you're answer is no" I said to her. "Well...I don't know, it's just wierd...I don't really want to date anyone right now..." she said.

Then I said "alright" and took the walk of shame. Sucks


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Well, that sucks, but you did something that 95% of the other guys here, including myself, will never be able to do. I guess you have to be prepared for rejection; it's part of the whole dating thing.

As a side note, I'm obviously no expert, but I'm not so sure that your approach was the best. I'm just thinking that if I was in her shoes, being straight out being asked, "Do you want to go on a date?" might kind of weird me out no matter who it was. :stu


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I agree; at least you had the guts to go up and ask her flat out if she wanted to go out. Even if she rejected you, you can carry over that confidence to the next time an opportunity to ask a girl out presents itself. I assume that you either haven't asked a girl out or have had anxiety over it in the past, so practice is valuable even if it results in rejection. 

It's possible the girl just didn't want to date someone she works with. A LOT of people don't want office romances for obvious reasons -- distraction at work and a breakup causing awkwardness and possibly causing someone to quit.


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## treksalot (Mar 9, 2007)

Awesome! I mean it in a non-sarcastic sense. I think what you did is amazing and I think you should keep going and keep your head up high, cause what you did there was Brave! I'm not even sure if I could do that right now, if I wanted to. Kudos to you! I'm happy upon hearing someone take a risk. What's life without some risks.
Hmmm...I would personally get to know the person well first and see if I'm comfortable with them outside of work and then see from there. Actually, though, i agree with the other poster who was against office romances. But i meant like outside of school, or wherever else people meet.


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

You have huge cojones! You have my respect man.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Futures said:


> At work, a new girl started working there a few weeks ago. She totally caught my eye in a way that most girls never do, so I was determined to not let another opportunity slip by. I knew I had to talk to her. I initially started saying hello to her, but then after a few days I decided to go over to her desk. Before I had a chance to over think it and let my anxiety get the best of me, I just walked over there and asked her to come into the break room with me. She seemed a bit shy and hesitant at first, but agreed to come with. There are always other people in break room, so having them in there eased my anxiety.
> 
> So I did that a few times over the last couple weeks. We made a little bit of small talk but thats about it.
> 
> ...


I don't know if you're a good talker but if you are you could have put it to work. From the quote section at the end it sounds like she could have been persuaded. I've actually heard of relationships that formed where the girl rejected the guy. He could careless didn't act or treat the person strange after the rejection but instead continued the friendly talk and made other moves, but the other moves didn't include the word date. It was more like hey you want to go do activity A.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

That's great Futures. At least you went for it and you should really be proud of yourself for doing that. Kudos.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Nice job! It's tough but it's also exciting. I've always gotten a great adrenaline rush from moments like that. Sucks that she said "no", but I've heard getting rejected is a healthy experience.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Getting rejected only makes you stronger. I believe it's something people need to go through, even though it hurts at first.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Futures,

Don't worry about it, man. Move on - the issue may not have been with you, anyway! :yes


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## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

Let me ask you this: Is it awkward to see her at work since she rejected you? Something similar happened to me at a former job and it was a mess trying to just be friends after that.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Hey Futures ---You da man!

Don't worry, it sucks but there is someone better out there for ya.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Good job Futures. Sorry it didn't work out, but that's really less important than you putting yourself out there. :nw


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

I feel for you, I really do. Try and keep your chin up.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Wow, you have way bigger balls than I do. If that had happened to me I would have had to quit my job to avoid seeing her again. I don't handle rejection well at all.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Congrats, man! 

But I wouldn't take it as a rejection of you. She could have a million reasons non-pertaining to you as to why she couldn't go on a date. Maybe she is seeing someone--and maybe she's head over heels for that person! If a married person told you "no thanks" you wouldn't take it personally, no? Anyways...everything comes around so I wouldn't be surprised if in a couple of months this girl showed a renewed interest in you. But by then you'll probably be on to someone new. Good luck!


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: Asked a girl out ....got rejected*



davemason2k said:


> Let me ask you this: Is it awkward to see her at work since she rejected you? Something similar happened to me at a former job and it was a mess trying to just be friends after that.


Great question.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

scairy said:


> I don't know if you're a good talker but if you are you could have put it to work. From the quote section at the end it sounds like she could have been persuaded.


I'm the worst conversationalist ever. That's why I'm still a virgin at 26 and never been on a date before. I'm lucky if I can string together a complete sentence when in the presence of a beautiful girl. Seriously.



Nicolay said:


> Nice job! It's tough but it's also exciting. I've always gotten a great adrenaline rush from moments like that. Sucks that she said "no", but I've heard getting rejected is a healthy experience.


I don't know if I'd use the word "healthy" but I certainly don't regret it. Going for it and getting shot down is still better than never doing anything at all and wondering "what if", etc. Even though I'm bummed she said no, just going for it is a huge accomplishment for me.



davemason2k said:


> Let me ask you this: Is it awkward to see her at work since she rejected you?


The potential for it to become awkward was there, but I squashed that right away today by going over to her desk and once again having her come into the break room with me. We both acted like it never happened. And suprisingly this time she wasn't the least bit hesitant about coming with me.

I'm not sure what will happen from here. I'll probably continue and try talk to her in hopes that I'll become comfortable enough around her to actually have a conversation with her. The fact that I haven't been able to do that so far, that might be the problem. Some girls are weird like that. They need to build a solid foundation with someone before they'll consider dating them. She might be like that.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

I think you tried to pick a fruit that hadn't ripened quite yet. She's new and perhaps you just needed more time to get to know each other better--especially her.

In my experience, it's never EVER a good idea to ask someone out when you're feeling all nervous and such. Maybe if a person knows you long enough they may find that kind of shyness endearing, but not for someone who's barely met you.

asking a girl out should roll off the tongue, so to speak; confident in calling the shots, teasing the girl, and have little fear in showing her one's "inner geek". Alternatively, you can do like The Simpson's and ask a girl out when you're on a roll, like young Homer did. That works because you don't have time to get nervous.

anyways, hopefully in another month (or 3 months, who knows), you will both be laughing at this particular incident. 

With my current female friend, it took me six months just to get somewhat comfortable being myself--never mind asking them anywhere. SA just makes...courting...a little slower.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

Yeah Micronian makes a lot of good points there.

Futures, I think what you did took lots of balls and is great! I remember you telling me how there's all those hot girls at your work. It's just that I think here is a problem that I also used to have: a date shouldn't be viewed as the time to get a girl to like you. The girl should basically like you (interested in you) BEFORE you ask her out. The date should just be a thing to get to know each other better. If a girl isn't that interested, she's probably not going to say yes to a date. Similar to what Micronian said, you should basically tell by the way she talks to you / body language / laughter to know if she is interested. Also, I personally would not call it a "date", I'd probably say something like "Do you wanna go ______ this weekend?" to make it more casual. But anyway, I digress, what you did was courageous and a good accomplishment; and you'll get better at it next time.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

BCdude said:


> Futures said:
> 
> 
> > At work, a new girl started working there a few weeks ago. She totally caught my eye in a way that most girls never do, so I was determined to not let another opportunity slip by. I knew I had to talk to her. I initially started saying hello to her, but then after a few days I decided to go over to her desk. Before I had a chance to over think it and let my anxiety get the best of me, I just walked over there and asked her to come into the break room with me. She seemed a bit shy and hesitant at first, but agreed to come with. There are always other people in break room, so having them in there eased my anxiety.
> ...


This is a _very_ important point. When you start dating someone at work and things don't go well, it will be hell seeing that person. I've been there years ago and it was a nightmare. I learned my lesson. There's this guy at work who wants to go out with me, but I flat out told him I can't date a coworker. He's a good looking guy and seems really smart too, but the only problem is that we work together...and also who knows what would get back to the guys he works with...or anyone I work with. This place is full of gossip. It's just not worth it.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

BCdude said:


> My personal opinion is that you should never date a person you work closely with for obvious reasons.


Exactly. A long time ago, I made the mistake of dating a guy that I worked with. Eventually, we broke up and it made things really uncomfortable at the place where I worked. I ended up leaving my job and moving out of state (this wasn't the only reason but it was one of the bigger reasons).



Strange Religion said:


> This place is full of gossip. It's just not worth it.


Yeah, that's another reason...


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

Totally bad idea, i agree, but sometimes it can't be helped! Emotions can make you lose all grasp of common sense.

They should bring in a law that forbids such practice.


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## Volume (Apr 8, 2007)

Just remember, man, at the end of the day, you can't please everyone. It's possible she just didn't find you attractive in her eyes. So be it.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Volume said:


> Just remember, man, at the end of the day, you can't please everyone. It's possible she just didn't find you attractive in her eyes. So be it.


Yeah, you're right. It does feel kind of crappy to get rejected by a girl that is _single_ and based purely on looks. It re affirms my belief that in real life, people don't find me as attractive as they do online. I must just give off a weird vibe or something.

Even if this girl did say yes and go out with me... it wouldn't have lasted. She would probably be heading for the nearest exit sign as soon as she realized how pathetic I am socially. I don't know what it is, but I always find myself attracted to the girls that are the polar opposite of me socially. And I know it will never in a million years work with girls like that.

I'm ready to just give up and accept the fact that I'll be alone forever and die a virgin. There really isn't any hope for me.


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## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

Futures, you should try asking a goth girl out. They seem like a good fit for people with SA.


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## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

Futures, I know how you feel. I'm 25 and in the same situation as you. I'm thinking of looking for someone who is 19 or 20 instead of girls my age. To be honest, I still feel like I'm 18 socially. When I see people my age with a wife and a family I can't even relate to them anymore. It's like a whole different world.


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## Vintz (Apr 22, 2007)

Rejection sucks, but regret is far worse, you did the right thing. You have piece of mind. Be her friend still if you can, you'll probably get another shot if you play it right. Also, a direct question is not the way to go about asking a girl out in most cases. Try something like, "I usually grab a cup of coffee after work and I thought you would maybe like to join me for some casual sex."


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