# Boyfriend's comments on other women making me depressed/insecure



## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

Sometimes my boyfriend makes comments about how hot/sexy someone is and after hearing that I start to get depressed for not being as attractive as that woman and begin hating my appearance more than I already do. I told him that it bugs me, but he still continues to make comments here and there and sometimes they wind up ruining my whole day.

I don't know how I can let these comments not bug me. Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Honestly, leave him. 

"letting the comments bug you" is not the problem and is not something that you should be trying to do. The problem is that he's saying those things, and doesn't respect your feelings enough to stop. He's making you feel bad, he's the one who's wrong, not you.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

Shameful said:


> Honestly, leave him.
> 
> "letting the comments bug you" is not the problem and is not something that you should be trying to do. The problem is that he's saying those things, and doesn't respect your feelings enough to stop. He's making you feel bad, he's the one who's wrong, not you.


I don't know about leaving him over this since I do love him and (besides this) he has been good to me. But I think you're right. Maybe I need to speak up to him more?


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Shameful said:


> He's making you feel bad, he's the one who's wrong, not you.


I agree with this, but I don't think she should leave him. The guy has issues and those issues are spilling over onto her and making her feel bad. He probably needs a therapist.

I don't think there are that many guys who are so evil that they would actively go around and call other people hot to get their girl jealous or make her feel bad about her appearance.


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

If he really cares about you and your happiness, he wouldn't do something that would intentionally make you feel bad and even ruin your day. I would try to talk to him about it. Really emphasize how much it does bother you and stress how important this is for you, he should be able to understand. If he keeps doing it even after having a serious sit-down about it, then he's just being a dick at that point.


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

ugh that must be terrible, I'm sorry he does that to you! Definitely talk to him more about it. It's not your fault and you shouldn't waste time stopping it from bugging you. those kinda comments from a boyfriend would bother anyone (assuming you are in a monogamous relationship).


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Have a talk and make sure its established that it truly bothers you. If he gives the whatever type attitude during the talk or continues to say things dump him.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Some people are complete d!cks who think it's funny to hurt other people's feelings even if they have a good relationship w/ the person. They just think it's worth hurting other people's feelings as long as they get a laugh out of it.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Sounds like kind of a crappy thing for him to do. You can always find someone else to develop feelings for. If he even cares about you, he has a bizarre way of showing it.


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## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

He's just being possesive


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

He'd be fine with you making the same comments about other men? You really shouldn't have to tell someone you're in a relationship not to make comments like that...especially more than once. I don't get it.


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## Znuffle (Jul 22, 2014)

I would tell him how it makes me feel when he does it wile I watch... Or in open space where I can clearly see it..

I mean if he wanna do it, then tell him to do it out of my face. Because you don't wanna look at it or hear about it.

Then if he doesn't stop you have new 2 options.. Let him do it and follow him like a lonely little sheep who feels sad 

Then if he does stop doing it publicly to respect you. Means he cares about you. You gotta remember sometimes a guy says someone looks nice even tho they still love somene else more than the girl who looks nice.. A compliment is a compliment, but it doesn't mean, I am in love with that girl nessesarily.

Then there is other option where you could just leave him out cold if you cant stand being treated this way.


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## Zyriel (May 20, 2011)

No offense, but it sounds like everyone here is just insecure as hell lol. I am too in that regard, just aware of my insecurities, it's not really mentally healthy though. What Mezzoforte said is true though: 



mezzoforte said:


> *He'd be fine with you making the same comments about other men? *You really shouldn't have to tell someone you're in a relationship not to make comments like that...especially more than once. I don't get it.



If he's fine with you making comments about men you find attractive, then fair is fair. However, if it does bother him then he shouldn't be doing it to you either.

The reason I defend that is not for the attractiveness, etc. it's for the same logic used on other things. For example, certain characters in shows, games, or movies can be seen as attractive. Yet both women and men get jealous of them. To the extent of jealousy, pets, friends, even AI or voices sometimes lol. As well as others skills like cooking, games, art, musical talent, etc. It goes both ways for all things, many tend to think "oh he hurt me or she hurt my feelings" but they do something that urks the other and is seen as "unfair". Although most people never consider themselves in terms of "fairness" in the first place. It's just what they want, or how they feel, independent of impartial judgement.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Ugh, your boyfriend sounds like my ex. I too told my ex that it bothered me, and he said he couldn't believe something like that would make me jealous. You know what I did then? I tried doing the same thing he was. My ex's reaction was priceless and makes me laugh to this day.

If your bf doesn't stop with the comments, despite you letting him know that it bothers you, I suggest doing the same thing to him. Comment on other men, and see how he reacts.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

It looks like he has no respect for your feelings towards him. Besides, it is not a sign of commitment, I think. If he is looking at other girls all the time he might not be trustworthy.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

He sounds like a shallow jerk. Dump him. I would be enraged if that happened to me.


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## fobia (Feb 19, 2010)

> I don't know how I can let these comments not bug me


You can't. It is the task of our partner not to do things that bugs us.



> Any advice would be appreciated.


Tell him. If he does not get it, tell him again and that time show some reaction as well, like that you are being upset, being angry or mad.

Leaving him is an option, but I think it is last option. 
In relationships it is good to work over your problems. If it doesn't work - then the last option(breaking up) is always exists.

It is always good to show emotions, because sometimes words don't impress boyfriend or girlfriend enough in order to understand and make some changes.

One more thing, it seems that your boyfriend sees you as your friend-buddy with whom he can chat about women while drinking beer.

Then if nothing helps there is always a way to show that you both have equal rights. If you boyfriend fancy other girls or just make some comments, then you can also do the same commenting on other boys ( like "look at this hot guy muscles, wow" , "look at this guy, he must be good in bed "and etc. ) Tell him about it. If it doesn't work then show him that.

Honestly I don't find commenting on others while being with a girlfriend appropriate, I wouldn't tolerate this.


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## Raspberriexx (Dec 3, 2014)

Your boyfriends is an ashole. There's no reason why you should accept those comments or try to not care. He obviously doesn't care about how you feel. A guy commenting on other girls while being with his girlfriend is just.. wtf. 

You have to leave that guy. You deserve much better. He will not change, but will only keep making you feel awful if you stay with him.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> It looks like he has no respect for your feelings towards him. Besides, it is not a sign of commitment, I think. If he is looking at other girls all the time he might not be trustworthy.


I've been around enough married men at work etc to know that they will always notice a physically attractive women, I guarantee women are the the same with attractive men, it all comes down to how much love and respect they have for the person they're with, I agree the OP should start commenting on attractive men give him a taste of his own medicine


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Dump him. If he knows it bugs you and he still does it then he is vile scum.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Shameful said:


> Honestly, leave him.
> 
> "letting the comments bug you" is not the problem and is not something that you should be trying to do. The problem is that he's saying those things, and doesn't respect your feelings enough to stop. He's making you feel bad, he's the one who's wrong, not you.


Agreed. There is nothing wrong with your reaction. What in the world could make someone think this is actually ok? Does he even have the slightest bit of respect for you? I'd guess "no"...since he still does it even after you told him how it makes you feel. You need to get rid of this guy and find someone who cares about your feelings. He doesn't.

To everyone saying not to leave him...would you be ok with being someones punching bag while they work on themself?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> He sounds like a shallow jerk. Dump him. I would be enraged if that happened to me.





Raspberriexx said:


> Your boyfriends is an ashole. There's no reason why you should accept those comments or try to not care. He obviously doesn't care about how you feel. A guy commenting on other girls while being with his girlfriend is just.. wtf.
> 
> You have to leave that guy. You deserve much better. He will not change, but will only keep making you feel awful if you stay with him.





Shameful said:


> Honestly, leave him.
> 
> "letting the comments bug you" is not the problem and is not something that you should be trying to do. The problem is that he's saying those things, and doesn't respect your feelings enough to stop. He's making you feel bad, he's the one who's wrong, not you.


Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Talk about other men in front of him


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


He's making comments about women that upset her, she told him it upsets her, he ignores her feelings and doesn't stop. There's nothing more we need to know, she should leave him. I don't care about any further details of the relationship, this is unacceptable and she shouldn't be treated that way.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


Whatever the dynamic may be, it's obviously not working well.


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## shycat69 (Nov 16, 2014)

Whatev said:


> Have a talk and make sure its established that it truly bothers you. If he gives the whatever type attitude during the talk or continues to say things dump him.


Hi - I agree with Whatv and others who have said that he isn't giving you the respect you (anyone) deserve. I'm a guy and I look at girls a lot but I never say to my partner how pretty or hot another girl might be. Its disrespectful.

I wish you luck getting him to change.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Your partner should make you feel good about yourself and inspire you to be a better person. If these needs aren't being met, then you should question the relationship. Period.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Shameful said:


> He's making comments about women that upset her, she told him it upsets her, he ignores her feelings and doesn't stop. There's nothing more we need to know, she should leave him. I don't care about any further details of the relationship, this is unacceptable and she shouldn't be treated that way.


Relationships are give and take, and it is really the OP who can decide when she's had enough and can't take no more. Our job is to encourage her to fix it first rather than dumping away in an instant.



apx24 said:


> Whatever the dynamic may be, it's obviously not working well.


So the solution is to dump him instead of even trying to fix it?


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Relationships are give and take, and it is really the OP who can decide when she's had enough and can't take no more. *Our job is to encourage her to fix it first rather than dumping away in an instant.*
> 
> So the solution is to dump him instead of even trying to fix it?


Our job is to support her, not her relationship. If the relationship is detrimental to her mental health, which if her own boyfriend is regularly ignoring her feelings and hurting her it is, then we should suggest she get out.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

despite what some other posters might say, i dont really care much about the dynamics of your relationship

all i can say is that this thing going unchecked is an insidious and unkind slow burning fuse and as long as youre not financially reliant on him, get out asap because there are enough people looking to screw up other peoples lives for w/e stupid reason -- you dont want to be in bed with the type of person that repeatedly ignores your requests, especially when it affects you for days, on a periodic basis

there are more than enough good dudes out there that would be willing to treat you well

why waste time on what looks llike a failed relationship (no offense)

youre better off alone so long as you can protect yourself/support yourself



MildSA said:


> Some people are complete d!cks who think it's funny to hurt other people's feelings even if they have a good relationship w/ the person. They just think it's worth hurting other people's feelings as long as they get a laugh out of it.


true


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> So the solution is to dump him instead of even trying to fix it?


What's the point in fixing it? He has clearly and knowingly disregarded her feelings, why keep something on life support when it should just die?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Shameful said:


> Our job is to support her, not her relationship. If the relationship is detrimental to her mental health, which if her own boyfriend is regularly ignoring her feelings and hurting her it is, then we should suggest she get out.


She literally said that he has been good to her and she loves him. How do you know breaking up will be 100% better for her mental health? Maybe the good feelings he brings outweigh the bad ones? Maybe they don't. Point is, you don't know for sure.


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## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

If my boyfriend did that to me, I would probably be like... Why don't you just go date her instead, and then I would proceed to cry. x)


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

^^ yeah pretty much think she should do that. if something really hurts you you should stop whatever you're doing until he makes you feel better or just leave so you can make you feel better.

breaking up is going a bit far. just be less passive.


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## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

Leave him. He sounds like a disrespectful assh*le. If you've tried talking to him about it and he _*still*_ won't change his behavior, then he clearly doesn't care how much he upsets you and he'd much rather act like a gross pig. :no
I've never understood how people can comment on other people like that right in front of their significant other. I get recognizing that there are other attractive people in the world, but there are ways it can be phrased where it won't be nearly as likely to hurt any feelings. 
Or...just as revenge, you can always try commenting on other guys in front of him and see how he likes it? Give him a taste of his own medicine.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

Wow l didn't expect this many replies. Thanks guys.
The thing is, he has been here for me through rough times and has proven that he does love/care about me. It's just this is one of the few things that I dislike about being with him. When I first told him about how much his comments bothered me, he apologized and said he didn't even remember making the comments and felt like a horrible person for doing it. So then why still do it? That confuses me :/ 

I am new to relationships (this is my first real boyfriend) and I thought this was a common thing that guys do and maybe I was overreacting/being too sensitive. I guess some girls will leave their boyfriends over this though.
I'm going to try to talk to him about it the next time he makes a comment about a girl. I have a hard time speaking up though and possibly starting an argument. It makes me incredibly anxious so it will be a challenge.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


I'm with you on this one.

As usual SAS is quick to tell girls to dump their guy over some small detail without acknowledging the big picture.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


My thoughts exactly. While talking about attractive women that you see while out isn't a great thing to do, it's premature to say to just leave the guy based on this post. MomentSunset, could you have another heartfelt talk with him and explain how it makes you feel?


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

gunner21 appreciation thread. Just throwing that out there :b

momentsunset: it's definitely kinda ****ed up that he keeps doing it. Maybe you didn't make how much it hurts you and why clear enough? I agree that you should tell him again, and be as clear about it as possible. He might tell you that you're being irrational and it doesn't mean anything and he loves you and isn't interested in anyone other than you, and that's all well and good, but stand your ground. If it hurts you, it doesn't matter whether it's rational or irrational. If he cares about your feelings, he should stop doing it. If he _then_ keeps ignoring you, you might want to let your feelings be known more severely.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

gunner21 said:


> Relationships are give and take, and it is really the OP who can decide when she's had enough and can't take no more. Our job is to encourage her to fix it first rather than dumping away in an instant.
> 
> So the solution is to dump him instead of even trying to fix it?


That attitude is far too prevalent these days.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Maybe it's because we know what it feels like to be **** on by other people. To be taken advantage of, to be used as a doormat, to not be taken seriously due to our kind nature. Dealing with that sort of treatment by other people...can you blame us for responding the way we have? Our patience for this sort of behavior has run out! We don't stick around to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because we have waited...only to be left with our self esteem beat down further than it was when we started. This wasted time can't be gotten back. Why subject our emotions to this any further? It takes it's toll on people, and shortens our fuse more and more, each time it happens. I have a very low tolerance for BS...thanks to people like her b/f.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

jsgt said:


> Maybe it's because we know what it feels like to be **** on by other people. To be taken advantage of, to be used as a doormat, to not be taken seriously due to our kind nature. Dealing with that sort of treatment by other people...can you blame us for responding the way we have? Our patience for this sort of behavior has run out! We don't stick around to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because we have waited...only to be left with our self esteem beat down further than it was when we started. This wasted time can't be gotten back. Why subject our emotions to this any further? It takes it's toll on people, and shortens our fuse more and more, each time it happens. I have a very low tolerance for BS...thanks to people like her b/f.


Yeah but we don't have the whole story in the first post. She even admitted in another post that he's a great guy overall. We all have things we can improve upon, relationship wise (even me, lol). I'm just saying they should talk things over and not just break up right away.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

jsgt said:


> Maybe it's because we know what it feels like to be **** on by other people. To be taken advantage of, to be used as a doormat, to not be taken seriously due to our kind nature. Dealing with that sort of treatment by other people...can you blame us for responding the way we have? Our patience for this sort of behavior has run out! We don't stick around to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because we have waited...only to be left with our self esteem beat down further than it was when we started. This wasted time can't be gotten back. Why subject our emotions to this any further? It takes it's toll on people, and shortens our fuse more and more, each time it happens. I have a very low tolerance for BS...thanks to people like her b/f.


Yup, this is how I feel. :stu It's really not that hard to keep comments about other women to yourself...Especially if someone you supposedly love has asked you to stop and told you that they're uncomfortable with it. Yet you keep doing it because it's okay with you.

Mmk.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Yeah but we don't have the whole story in the first post. She even admitted in another post that he's a great guy overall. We all have things we can improve upon, relationship wise (even me, lol). I'm just saying they should talk things over and not just break up right away.


That along with saying that "he felt bad" for doing it makes me think he's not terrible...but come on. If you ask your partner to stop doing something like this...and they still do it, how is that excusable *just* because everything otherwise is going fine in the relationship? It's not as far as I'm concerned. You shouldn't have to lessen the importance of something like this just because other things are fine. This is a problem and is affecting the relationship(from her side). No one should have to settle for a relationship that is 95%. Everyone deserves 100% from their partner.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

You need to sit down with him and explain in a no BS way how you feel about it. He needs to know without a shadow of a doubt that it upsets you and yes it's poor form on his behalf to act as he has however I'm with Gunner on everyone jumping to final conclusions while knowing the bare basics of the situation and the dynamic of the relationship.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

No one's perfect. He could be doing it for a million reasons. Speak up. You should never feel like you can't discuss your issues in a relationship; otherwise, what's the point?


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

mezzoforte said:


> Yup, this is how I feel. :stu It's really not that hard to keep comments about other women to yourself...Especially if someone you supposedly love has asked you to stop and told you that they're uncomfortable with it. Yet you keep doing it because it's okay with you.
> 
> Mmk.


Yup. To me, it's a major demonstration of shallowness. Why would anyone feel the need to make comments on others' looks like that? Oh yeah, because they value looks over most other things.



gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.





Mr Bacon said:


> I'm with you on this one.
> 
> As usual SAS is quick to tell girls to dump their guy over some small detail without acknowledging the big picture.





srschirm said:


> My thoughts exactly. While talking about attractive women that you see while out isn't a great thing to do, it's premature to say to just leave the guy based on this post. MomentSunset, could you have another heartfelt talk with him and explain how it makes you feel?





AussiePea said:


> You need to sit down with him and explain in a no BS way how you feel about it. He needs to know without a shadow of a doubt that it upsets you and yes it's poor form on his behalf to act as he has however I'm with Gunner on everyone jumping to final conclusions while knowing the bare basics of the situation and the dynamic of the relationship.


Quelle surprise, guys in this thread are defending him. :no

If he is well aware that it bothers her and makes her insecure yet _continues_ to do it, he obviously doesn't care about her feelings and would rather worship hot women. There's no way to justify his behavior. Since he's her boyfriend, he had to have known that she already hated her appearance, so why make those comments? He's either a complete idiot or he doesn't care.

Not to mention I went to school with a generous handful of guys like this. I was friends with two different guys in high school who constantly talked about the prettiest girls in school and how good looking they were. Over time, they started comparing my looks and my female classmates' looks to theirs - like one time, I remember one of them talking about this pretty girl at school, saying "Wow, Vicky is so pretty. She's so much prettier than you. She has such a small, cute face. You could look like her if you got a nose job." Some friends. Needless to say, I avoided them after they started making those comments. People who focus on others' looks will likely end up criticizing your looks as well - I've experienced it.



orsomething said:


> hes going out of his way to make comments most people dont automatically make
> 
> its one thing to think it, which is automatic, but how many people need to blurt it out loud? not many, and is he so unaware of her presence that he continues to do it as a habit? how present could he be, honestly, if he isnt able to think "oh, wait, im actually with my partner at the moment" so i shouldnt draw her attention to the fact that there's a hot woman id like to plow, 4 feet infront of me
> 
> ...


YES. Very, very well said.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Quelle surprise, guys in this thread are defending him. :no
> 
> If he is well aware that it bothers her and makes her insecure yet _continues_ to do it, he obviously doesn't care about her feelings and would rather worship hot women. There's no way to justify his behavior. Since he's her boyfriend, he had to have known that she already hated her appearance, so why make those comments? He's either a complete idiot or he doesn't care.


No one defended him. They all acknowledged what he's doing isn't cool, and no one said that she shouldn't do anything about it. They're only saying the "leave him" advice might be premature. That the guy is being a dick doesn't mean he is a dick. Maybe a bit of an idiot though.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> No one defended him. They all acknowledged what he's doing isn't cool, or that she shouldn't do anything about it. They're only saying the "leave him" advice might be premature. That the guy is being a dick doesn't mean he is a dick. Maybe a bit of an idiot though.


I don't see how he couldn't be a dick. Unless he's a huge idiot.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I don't see how he couldn't be a dick. Unless he's a huge idiot.


The idiot can learn. If he doesn't, of course, she should drop him.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Mr Bacon said:


> I'm with you on this one.
> 
> As usual SAS is quick to tell girls to dump their guy over some small detail without acknowledging the big picture.


It feels like any problems guys have or have done gets an automatic reaction of how awful he must be

With that said, OP you mentioned that this is your first relationship and you thought all guys did that, we'll it isn't true. If he doesn't change then you leave him, or give him a taste of his own medicine. That seemed to have worked the few times I've witnessed it.

Work on speaking up. Even if you told him before you may not have communicated how much it hurts. I was in that situation. And I learned that it's okay to get a little mean if you need too...not sure if mean is the right word I'm thinking. For some people they just don't get it the first time.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I certainly don't support his actions but I also don't support people on the internet making life changing decisions for a member based on a vague paragraph.

There are steps in-between now and pulling the trigger which need to be explored before such a decision and my post merely asks whether these steps have been taken.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Your in-between step was to tell him it upsets her. She already did that, and he didn't stop, that's why she's posting here. Talking failed and now she's even considering just learning to live with it and try to not let it bother her! Tbh I can't imagine a guy who does that being a good bf anyway, but the fact that telling him to stop didn't sets my opinion in my stone, there's no way he's worth it.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

She didn't go into enough details about how she discussed it with him to jump to relationship ending decisions, at least from people on this forum. 

All I am saying is, let's get all the facts out here before being drastic.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

AussiePea said:


> She didn't go into enough details about how she discussed it with him to jump to relationship ending decisions, at least from people on this forum.
> 
> All I am saying is, let's get all the facts out here before being drastic.


For all we know:
-BF pays the rent
-BF gives her a back rub/massage every other night
-BF keeps telling her he loves her
-BF accepts to watch the Twilight saga with her although he doesn't enjoy it
-BF accompanied her at her aunt's recent funeral to emotionally support her

Unfortunately the boyfriend has acknowledged Kristen Stewart's hotness twice, while they were watching _New Moon, _and later on, _Breaking Dawn_. Better dump him. Where have all the nice men gone?

:lol


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## darkhoboelf (Mar 3, 2013)

I can think of two things that might help.The first is to learn to see the beauty of you.Everyone can look at a sunset or a waterfall but not everyone can appreciate its beauty.One person may look at a sunset and be inspired to write a poem.Another may look at it and think its nothing special,they've seen it before.Or perhaps they'd think it would look better if it were green instead of orange.You are as beautiful as a sunset.You just haven't learned to appreciate the beauty of you.

Sometimes in relationships we are insensitive to the emotions of the other person.Talking about it may not always work.Sometimes people will get in a mind mode that they just need to pass through.You can help him do that by being with him and loving him.People are moral beings.When you remind him of his moral nature,he will act accordingly.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.


I do agree w you on this one because relationships can be more tricky and complicated


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I'd be interested to know what specifically he is saying, and who he is saying it about. If it's actors in movies/celebrities, or civilians/people you both know? If he's been mentioning specific body parts, or something...

Not that it changes much...I'm just interested in how humans live.

Also, I'm with the _"talk it through and give him one last chance to change his ways before doing anything drastic"_ crowd.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

OP: "Hi my leg has been bothering me."
SAS Posters: "Amputate it!"


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Quelle surprise, guys in this thread are defending him. :no


That's not really true, we're just saying everything isn't black and white. Let's give the dude a chance before we drop the hammer on him.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

jsgt said:


> No one should have to settle for a relationship that is 95%. Everyone deserves 100% from their partner.


That thought is one reason why so many are single and miserable for extended periods. Perfection is unattainable.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

srschirm said:


> That thought is one reason why so many are single and miserable for extended periods. Perfection is unattainable.


...and then they become miserable while in the relationship because...


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

jsgt said:


> Your partner should make you feel good about yourself and inspire you to be a better person. If these needs aren't being met, then you should question the relationship. Period.


Excellent! I completely agree.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

jsgt said:


> ...and then they become miserable while in the relationship because...


Because if you go into a relationship expecting nothing but perfection, you will always be disappointed.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

srschirm said:


> Because if you go into a relationship expecting nothing but perfection, you will always be disappointed.


Nobody expects perfection. But some things can but put up with and some can't. In this case, I think she shouldn't put up with his behavior. Otherwise, he could maybe exhibit some other disrespectful actions. But if he knows that she values herself and won't tolerate such tricks, maybe he will change. Still, it is hard to say...


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> That's not really true, we're just saying everything isn't black and white. Let's give the dude a chance before we drop the hammer on him.


Only a fool would give a shallow jerk like that a chance. It's pretty obvious what will come next if he doesn't clean up his act - which he won't. As I said, I've known quite a few people like this and they're nothing but bad news.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Only a fool would give a shallow jerk like that a chance. It's pretty obvious what will come next if he doesn't clean up his act - and it's almost certain he won't.


Maybe, but we don't even know the guy.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Maybe, but we don't even know the guy.


His actions tell us everything we need to know. He's shallow as ****.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Maybe he just grew up around men who talked like that all the time. It can take a long time to unlearn behaviors like that.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

eveningbat said:


> *Nobody expects perfection. But some things can but put up with and some can't.* In this case, I think she shouldn't put up with his behavior. Otherwise, he could maybe exhibit some other disrespectful actions. But if he knows that she values herself and won't tolerate such tricks, maybe he will change. Still, it is hard to say...


Yup. It's not like he's doing something like forgetting to take the trash out lol. I just don't see how continuing to hurt your partner when you know something bothers them could be justified. I guess everyone has different limits to what they'll put up with though.



scarpia said:


> Maybe he just grew up around men who talked like that all the time. It can take a long time to unlearn behaviors like that.


I hope it's this and that he really does love the OP.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

AussiePea said:


> I certainly don't support his actions but I also don't support people on the internet making life changing decisions for a member based on a vague paragraph.
> 
> There are steps in-between now and pulling the trigger which need to be explored before such a decision and my post merely asks whether these steps have been taken.


Good post.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

I only think comments made observing the opposite sex in a complimentary way should be related back to the current partner, though still an exception. Like..."I really like that outfit. You'd look great in that."


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

Honestly you guys, my boyfriend is not a bad person.
He has moments where he can be an *******, but everyone has those moments.
He has been sweet to me. He's the type of person to randomly make me a card or love note expressing how much I mean to him and how much he loves me.
When all I had were sore legs, he insisted on driving an hour and a half (that's the distance he lives from me) just to drive me to my therapy appointment and get groceries so I didn't have to walk (I'm carless). Not to mention he gave up a very high paying job to take care of his disabled mother. I don't think someone who would do these things is a bad person. He's making mistakes and being thoughtless, yeah, but not a bad person because of that.



TicklemeRingo said:


> I'd be interested to know what specifically he is saying, and who he is saying it about. If it's actors in movies/celebrities, or civilians/people you both know? If he's been mentioning specific body parts, or something...
> 
> Not that it changes much...I'm just interested in how humans live.
> 
> Also, I'm with the _"talk it through and give him one last chance to change his ways before doing anything drastic"_ crowd.


He has made comments about random girls in gifs when we're browsing websites online, calling them sexy as hell or "yummy". About celebs/singers when we're watching TV, calling them hot/sexy. And sometimes driving around if he see's an attractive girl on the street he'll blurt out "woah!". He's also mentioned a few times how he was up late jerking it to some celeb.. TMI


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> Only a fool would give a shallow jerk like that a chance. It's pretty obvious what will come next if he doesn't clean up his act - which he won't. As I said, I've known quite a few people like this and they're nothing but bad news.





tbyrfan said:


> His actions tell us everything we need to know. He's shallow as ****.


You'll probably rip my head off for suggesting this but I think you're projecting how you'd feel in that situation based on your experiences onto the OP's situation. I absolutely get where you're coming from, but it's still not useful to the OP.

And to everyone else who is telling her to dump him:



momentsunset said:


> *I don't know about leaving him over this since I do love him and (besides this) he has been good to me.* But I think you're right. Maybe I need to speak up to him more?





momentsunset said:


> *I don't know how I can let these comments not bug me. Any advice would be appreciated.*


OP how many times have you told him it bugs you and what exactly did you say at that time? Did you really highlight how this is a serious issue for you? Or were you kind of unassertive because you didn't want to sound like you were nagging, so he might not have gotten the message?

Also is it really common for him to do this? or just like on the odd occasion where maybe he forgets? Also are these comments about women you see in real life or like famous people? (I think that's important because people often talk about famous people as if they're kind of a.. Separate, unreal group, like they're admiring a painting or some crap, so they often don't put too much thought into it.)

I think it would be good for you to think about whether or not _you _ think that he's trying to hurt you. Like weigh up all the experiences you've had that tell you that he finds you attractive/is in love with you so you feel less threatened about him talking about other women. Insecurity in general is a problem (I would know) so re-framing things in your mind so you're actually looking at the facts and not kind of building things up in your mind is important.

But saying that, you should be able to talk to him, and if it's really bothering you, he should stop because he should care about your feelings. He doesn't need to talk about these things with you (I can't think why he would need to, I imagine it's just habit for him now.) Asking him to stop is not exactly a massive deal.

Perhaps he talks about this sort of thing with his friends? And since he feels comfortable around you he thinks that it should be OK to make these comments now and then off handedly? Which is good, but at the same time that sort of talk is a bit problematic, at least for people who aren't 100% secure about themselves.

I don't want to sound sexist but it honestly has been my experience that guys sometimes really need things like this to be spelled out to them.. At least young guys (which is why I ask exactly what you said to him) He probably doesn't realise this is hurting you as much as it is. If you think you've made yourself really clear and he keeps on doing it though, than I guess you have to decide whether this is something you can learn to put up with or not, in the context of your relationship as a whole.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You'll probably rip my head off for suggesting this but I think you're projecting how you'd feel in that situation based on your experiences onto the OP's situation. I absolutely get where you're coming from, but it's still not useful to the OP.


I'm not sure who WOULDN'T feel bad in that situation. I know that my boyfriend wouldn't feel very good if I made constant comments about things that made him insecure. Unless you're a complete narcissist, it will affect you. The guys defending him have probably never had issues with their looks, and some are the type to make similar comments. If this were a thread about a woman constantly making comments about rich, charismatic alpha males, I'm sure they would think it was grounds for a breakup as well. I don't see how it's not useful, because I don't think that behavior should be tolerated.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> The guys defending him have probably never had issues with their looks, and some are the type to make similar comments. If this were a thread about a woman constantly making comments about rich, charismatic alpha males, I'm sure they would think it was grounds for a breakup as well.


I can only speak for myself, and it goes: false, false, and replace your "rich, charismatic alpha males" with the real equivalent, "hot guys", in which case false, my response would've been exactly the same.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I can only speak for myself, and it goes: false, false, and replace your "rich, charismatic alpha males" for the real equivalent, "hot guys", in which case false, my response would've been exactly the same.


Welcome back. You've been missed around here.


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## midnightson (Nov 6, 2013)

"What? Your boyfriend isn't perfect? LEAVE HIM NOW!" /SAS


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

moloko said:


> Welcome back. You've been missed around here.


*awkward guy moment when feels*

Thanks man. I missed you wonderfully strange folks as well


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I can only speak for myself, and it goes: false, false, and replace your "rich, charismatic alpha males" with the real equivalent, "hot guys", in which case false, my response would've been exactly the same.


So you have no insecurities and nothing bothers you then? It's totally okay for someone to repeatedly do something that bothers someone else?

And of course guys wouldn't be as bothered, if at all, about girls making comments about hot guys. Unlike girls, their worth isn't based entirely off of their appearance.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> So you have no insecurities and nothing bothers you then?


Exactly the opposite. I have huge insecurities, including my looks. Thus, in my 
case at least, what you said is false. And you shouldn't assume it's true for any of the other guys.


tbyrfan said:


> It's totally okay for someone to repeatedly do something that bothers someone else?


Where did I or anyone else say that? Please quote it, I must've missed it.


tbyrfan said:


> And of course guys wouldn't be as bothered,


Wrong.


tbyrfan said:


> if at all, about girls making comments about hot guys. Unlike girls, their worth isn't based entirely off of their appearance.


It sucks that that's how you think guys think. I won't try to change your mind. Generalize away.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Exactly the opposite. I have huge insecurities, including my looks. Thus, in my
> case at least, what you said is false. And you shouldn't assume it's true for any of the other guys.
> 
> Where did I or anyone else say that? Please quote it, I must've missed it.


So despite your insecurities, comments that trigger others have absolutely no effect on you? Lol, I don't believe that, sorry.

The defensive responses in this thread imply that the behavior in question is acceptable and even normal.

And if you spend even one day out in the world, it is completely obvious how a woman's worth is determined by her looks. Anyone who denies it is being ignorant or just lacks empathy.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> So despite your insecurities, comments that trigger others have absolutely no effect on you? Lol, I don't believe that, sorry.


I disagree, so I'm lying. Pure logic. This is going in the right direction I see :lol


tbyrfan said:


> The defensive responses in this thread imply that the behavior in question is acceptable and even normal.


The behavior in question would be acceptable if it didn't bother anyone. Because in this case it clearly does, it's not acceptable at all. If you read what the people you're accusing of "defending" the guy are saying you'd realize not a single one of them said it's acceptable.


tbyrfan said:


> And if you spend even one day out in the world, it is completely obvious how a woman's worth is determined by her looks. Anyone who denies it is being ignorant or just lacks empathy.


Again, it sucks that that's your personal experience.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I disagree, so I'm lying. Pure logic. This is going in the right direction I see :lol
> 
> The behavior in question would be acceptable if it didn't bother anyone. Because in this case it clearly does, it's not acceptable at all. If you read what the people you're accusing of "defending" the guy are saying you'd realize not a single one of them said it's acceptable.
> 
> Again, it sucks that that's your personal experience.


Do you think that this wouldn't bother the majority of guys, then? If it's not acceptable at all and they continue to do it, I see no reason to stay with that person. And why would they advocate staying with him if they thought it was unacceptable? Clearly it isn't a big deal to them.

It's also the experience of most women. You have no idea what it's like to be valued only for your looks and never will.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Do you think that this wouldn't bother the majority of guys, then?


I think it would bother a good percentage of guys. I'm not in the position to say if it would be the majority or minority.


tbyrfan said:


> If it's not acceptable at all and they continue to do it, I see no reason to stay with that person. And why would they advocate staying with him if they thought it was unacceptable?


We really don't know how exactly the conversation about it bothering her went. Maybe it was a passing comment. Maybe it didn't really sink it. "Break up, he's worthless" is terrible advice to give having read a paragraph-long post about her problem.


AussiePea said:


> There are steps in-between now and pulling the trigger which need to be explored before such a decision


sums it up nicely.


tbyrfan said:


> It's also the experience of most women. You have no idea what it's like to be valued only for your looks and never will.


No one's valued only for their looks.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

momentsunset said:


> He has made comments about random girls in gifs when we're browsing websites online, calling them sexy as hell or "yummy". About celebs/singers when we're watching TV, calling them hot/sexy. And sometimes driving around if he see's an attractive girl on the street he'll blurt out "woah!". He's also mentioned a few times how he was up late jerking it to some celeb.. TMI


Have you asked him why he makes these comments? Most guys, relationship status regardless, take notice of hot girls around them, but to give voice to it as often as is implied here seems a bit 'off'. Why does he do it? Is he just giving voice to every thought that enters his head, or is there something more to it (like trying to get you to be more, uh, 'sexually open', or something)?

All you can really do is talk to him about it. If you want it to stop and it doesn't stop, then what else is there? Ask yourself, _"Can I put up with this negative for the sake of his positives?"_ Only you can answer that and weigh out the pros and cons.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I think it would bother a good number of guys. I'm not in the position to decide if it would be a majority or a minority.
> 
> We really don't know how exactly the conversation about it bothering her went. Maybe it was a passing comment. Maybe it didn't really sink it. "Break up, he's worthless" is terrible advice to give having read a paragraph-long post about her problem.
> 
> sums it up nicely.


She wrote another post about it. It sounds like it's frequent and the comments are pretty bad. I think it's sound advice considering I've known many guys like this and it became worse with each of them. I don't see any valid reason to stay with someone like that unless they want to feel worse about themselves.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> No one's valued only for their looks.


LOL, that's rich. In other news, everyone is extremely attractive, there's no such thing as ugly, and nobody gets bullied for their appearance.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> She wrote another post about it. It sounds like it's frequent and the comments are pretty bad. I think it's sound advice considering I've known many guys like this and it became worse with each of them. I don't see any valid reason to stay with someone like that unless they want to feel worse about themselves.


You simply know he's a piece of ****.

Considering she said she loves him and that he's otherwise a great guy, I say try to fix it before throwing it away.


tbyrfan said:


> LOL, that's rich. Troll harder please.


Great point.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> Considering she said she loves him and that he's otherwise a great guy, I say try to fix it before throwing it away.


That doesn't mean much. As someone else pointed out, even abuse victims will say that.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

momentsunset said:


> He has made comments about random girls in gifs when we're browsing websites online, calling them sexy as hell or "yummy". About celebs/singers when we're watching TV, calling them hot/sexy. And sometimes driving around if he see's an attractive girl on the street he'll blurt out "woah!". He's also mentioned a few times how he was up late jerking it to some celeb.. TMI


...

Please report back after you talk to him about this again. I'm fascinated. :sus


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

momentsunset said:


> I don't know about leaving him over this since I do love him and (besides this) he has been good to me. But I think you're right. Maybe I need to speak up to him more?


But if you do keep trying to speak up, and he keeps ignoring it, when are you going to draw the line.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You'll probably rip my head off for suggesting this but I think you're projecting how you'd feel in that situation based on your experiences onto the OP's situation. I absolutely get where you're coming from, but it's still not useful to the OP.
> 
> And to everyone else who is telling her to dump him:
> 
> ...


Bravo, very level-headed comments.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> You have no idea what it's like to be valued only for your looks and never will.


A lot of guys don't, but wish they did. Well, maybe not valued _only _for their looks, but valued in part because of them.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> A lot of guys don't, but wish they did. Well, maybe not valued _only _for their looks, but valued in part because of them.


Everyone wants to be found attractive. I doubt they would want to be objectified like that, though...

I don't think any of them would last a day as an unattractive woman.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Everyone wants to be found attractive. I doubt they would want to be objectified like that, though...
> 
> I don't think any of them would last a day as an unattractive woman.


People can objectify me all they want. Guys don't really think like that. I'd love it if a woman called me hot, sexy, whatever.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> People can objectify me all they want. Guys don't really think like that. I'd love it if a woman called me hot, sexy, whatever.


Are you serious? This has nothing to do with being called hot. It has to do with many guys not caring about anything other than how you look. This means them not actually liking you for you if you're attractive, but instead thinking of you as a trophy. And if you're unattractive, it doesn't matter who you are as a person, they will treat you like subhuman scum.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Are you serious? This has nothing to do with being called hot. It has to do with many guys not caring about anything other than how you look. This means them not actually liking you for you if you're attractive, but instead thinking of you as a trophy. And if you're unattractive, it doesn't matter who you are as a person, they will treat you like subhuman scum.


In your last post you were talking about how guys supposedly don't want to be objectified. You weren't talking about how many guys supposedly care about nothing other than looks.

And just because you don't find someone attractive, doesn't mean you view them as subhuman scum. Where are you getting this stuff? :um


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> In your last post you were talking about how guys supposedly don't want to be objectified. You weren't talking about how many guys supposedly care about nothing other than looks.


I was talking about how most guys wouldn't want to have a girl repeatedly mention something they were insecure about, like the OP's boyfriend is doing.



srschirm said:


> And just because you don't find someone attractive, doesn't mean you view them as subhuman scum. Where are you getting this stuff? :um


Lots of guys think this way. I get it from real life experience. :stu


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

momentsunset said:


> Honestly you guys, my boyfriend is not a bad person.
> He has moments where he can be an *******, but everyone has those moments.
> He has been sweet to me. He's the type of person to randomly make me a card or love note expressing how much I mean to him and how much he loves me.
> When all I had were sore legs, he insisted on driving an hour and a half (that's the distance he lives from me) just to drive me to my therapy appointment and get groceries so I didn't have to walk (I'm carless). Not to mention he gave up a very high paying job to take care of his disabled mother. I don't think someone who would do these things is a bad person. He's making mistakes and being thoughtless, yeah, but not a bad person because of that.
> ...


He sounds like a good guy who cares about you to me but needs to realise that the comments about others does bother you a little. You didn't make it clear if you have genuinely sat down with him and explained this or just said it in passing which often doesn't get through with most people because they won't take it as being a serious issue unless they can actually see how much it actually affects you.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Nothing wrong with admiring the female form, but, yeah, he shouldn't make those comments if they hurt you in the feels. As other said, you can turn it on him by making comments about other guys. Make some comment about some black dude's package when you can. Let us know what his reaction ends up being.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I just don't get these comments about making it clearer to him that it bothers her. He's talking about how attractive other women are to his gf. That's something any decent person should already not do, the fact that she even had to tell him to stop once is disturbing to me but now she has to tell him again because she didn't sound upset enough the first time?!


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> I just don't get these comments about making it clearer to him that it bothers her. He's talking about how attractive other women are to his gf. That's something any decent person should already not do, the fact that she even had to tell him to stop once is disturbing to me but now she has to tell him again because she didn't sound upset enough the first time?!


I just put myself in her position. This girl I'm crazy about keeps saying things about attractive dudes, I tell her it bugs me, but then she still ocassionally does it. Then I'd sit with her and tell her that it's seriously ****ing with me and please stop. I wouldn't just break up with her without a second thought.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Esteban said:


> Nothing wrong with admiring the female form, but, yeah, he shouldn't make those comments if they hurt you in the feels. As other said, you can turn it on him by making comments about other guys.* Make some comment about some black dude's package when you can. Let us know what his reaction ends up being.*


LOL


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> I just put myself in her position. This girl I'm crazy about keeps saying things about attractive dudes, I tell her it bugs me, but then she still ocassionally does it. Then I'd sit with her and tell her that it's seriously ****ing with me and please stop. I wouldn't just break up with her without a second thought.


And how long would you continue putting up with that? He already failed his second chance so if he failed that third chance would you end it? Or would you wait until he failed his sixth chance? Or you would just put up with it for the rest of your life just reminding him every few weeks when he starts doing it again to stop?


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> And how long would you continue putting up with that? He already failed his second chance so if he failed that third chance would you end it? Or would you wait until he failed his sixth chance? Or you would just put up with it for the rest of your life just reminding him every few weeks when he starts doing it again to stop?


He only failed that first time.

I don't know what I'd do next. If it was seriously messing with my head I might end it after she ignores that second, direct request.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Ok, so it's wrong to dump him, but it's ok to give him a taste of his own medicine? Hmmm, how is that ok? According to this thread http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/fight-fire-with-fire-155274/ it's not an effective way to get your feelings across. Hypocritical much? :um


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

likeaspacemonkey said:


> He only failed that first time.


He made the inappropriate comments, then she told him to stop and gave him a second chance. He's now continued to make the comments, failing the second chance. You are all telling her to give him a third chance and I'm sure in two months when she comes back saying he failed again you'll all be pushing her to give it a fourth chance. At some point you've got to just kick the duds to the curb and move on.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> I'm sure in two months when she comes back saying he failed again


Who knows?


Shameful said:


> you'll all be pushing her to give it a fourth chance.


Did you read the post you just quoted?


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## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

momentsunset said:


> He has made comments about random girls in gifs when we're browsing websites online, calling them sexy as hell or "yummy". About celebs/singers when we're watching TV, calling them hot/sexy. And sometimes driving around if he see's an attractive girl on the street he'll blurt out "woah!". He's also mentioned a few times how he was up late jerking it to some celeb.. TMI


I'm sorry, but this behavior right here is nothing but pure disrespect. If he had any sort of respect for you at all, he wouldn't say or do these things. It sounds like he has some real issues with women and feels the overwhelming need to objectify them. He might have his nice moments, but he still sounds like a major pervy assh*le.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Shameful said:


> He made the inappropriate comments, then she told him to stop and gave him a second chance. He's now continued to make the comments, failing the second chance. You are all telling her to give him a third chance and I'm sure in two months when she comes back saying he failed again you'll all be pushing her to give it a fourth chance. At some point you've got to just kick the duds to the curb and move on.


I wouldn't be surprised.



equiiaddict said:


> I'm sorry, but this behavior right here is nothing but pure disrespect. If he had any sort of respect for you at all, he wouldn't say or do these things. It sounds like he has some real issues with women and feels the overwhelming need to objectify them. He might have his nice moments, but he still sounds like a major pervy assh*le.


Exactly!


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

equiiaddict said:


> It sounds like he has some real issues with women and feels the overwhelming need to objectify them.


Nope, sounds to me like he's just a man like any other man: horny, and full of testosterone.

Acknowledging other chicks in front of his GF is not a sensible thing to do, but otherwise, we all objectify the sh*t out of hot girls in our minds, because it's our nature.

Boys will be boys.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

gunner21 said:


> Really guys? You guys know probably very little about the whole dynamic of their relationship and your first reaction is to say dump him, without even exploring any further information. Please stop with the over the top reactionary advice.





Mr Bacon said:


> I'm with you on this one.
> 
> As usual SAS is quick to tell girls to dump their guy over some small detail without acknowledging the big picture.





srschirm said:


> My thoughts exactly. While talking about attractive women that you see while out isn't a great thing to do, it's premature to say to just leave the guy based on this post. MomentSunset, could you have another heartfelt talk with him and explain how it makes you feel?





likeaspacemonkey said:


> gunner21 appreciation thread. Just throwing that out there :b
> 
> momentsunset: it's definitely kinda ****ed up that he keeps doing it. Maybe you didn't make how much it hurts you and why clear enough? I agree that you should tell him again, and be as clear about it as possible. He might tell you that you're being irrational and it doesn't mean anything and he loves you and isn't interested in anyone other than you, and that's all well and good, but stand your ground. If it hurts you, it doesn't matter whether it's rational or irrational. If he cares about your feelings, he should stop doing it. If he _then_ keeps ignoring you, you might want to let your feelings be known more severely.


lol this isn't survivor and we're not at tribal council, people can only post what they would do, op will already know which way shes leaning in her heart

i know personally if a girl constantly talked to me about how attractive she was finding other guys i'd be gone, because while it might appear a small thing now(i dont think it is), the seed for future insecurity/jealousy has been planted and if you're prone to those things which a lot of people with anxiety are, its only going to grow

not to mention that they think doing it is alright, wth goes through your head when you're with a bf/gf and talk about how attractive you find other people? lmao

but who was respect?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Mr Bacon said:


> Nope, sounds to me like he's just a man like any other man: horny, and full of testosterone.
> 
> Acknowledging other chicks in front of his GF is not a sensible thing to do, but otherwise, we all objectify the sh*t out of hot girls in our minds, because it's our nature.
> 
> Boys will be boys.


Do you actually objectify women though? And not just you, but do you think men in general do that? What I mean is, you obviously think 'that woman's hot' but do you also sort of ignore/dismiss all other parts of her and _only _ see her as a **** toy? Because that's what I take objectification to mean. It's not objectification just to notice someone is attractive.

If I ever feel down about not looking great I'm just going to remember this post though, cheers lol (actually being serious.)


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Do you actually objectify women though? And not just you, but do you think men in general do that? What I mean is, you obviously think 'that woman's hot' but do you also sort of ignore/dismiss all other parts of her and _only _ see her as a **** toy? Because that's what I take objectification to mean.
> 
> If I ever feel down about not looking great I'm just going to remember this post, cheers lol (actually being serious.)


We're not emotionless monsters. We're sensitive to people's behaviors/personalities as well and we do have the ability to bond with the other gender!

However, we also have the ability to get aroused by nothing but a girl's looks. That's why we jerk off to porn. When we see a hot girl walking down the streets, the only thing going on in our minds is "_damn, I wanna ***** her._"

And then you actually get to know that girl, and you realize she's nice, fun to be around, you feel some connection with her, and you get attached to her as a person.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Well I'm just going to hope most men aren't as Mr Bacon describes and continue living my life pretending that, because I'm much too young to resign to celibacy or become a nun.


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## rainynights (Aug 23, 2014)

momentsunset said:


> Sometimes my boyfriend makes comments about how hot/sexy someone is and after hearing that I start to get depressed for not being as attractive as that woman and begin hating my appearance more than I already do. I told him that it bugs me, but he still continues to make comments here and there and sometimes they wind up ruining my whole day.
> 
> I don't know how I can let these comments not bug me. Any advice would be appreciated.


You should call other guys hot and sexy around him. I would even say you should talk to other guys when you get the chance if you are around him. It will make him jealous.

Just don't make it seem like a joke.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Most men do notice random woman in the streets and something think "she's cute" or "she's hot" etc in their mind, it's human nature. Do we do this when in relationships too? Yes, but it doesn't mean we would ever consider acting on it, it's simply the acknowledgement that we find another person aesthetically pleasing. Usually it's not verbalised though and that's where the OP's BF has made his mistakes and should cease doing so for the sake of the OP, but it doesn't mean he's going to completely stop making mental notes of passes by.

This is all completely normal and if people wish to live in the denial that it is not then so be it but to label men who do (and there goes 99% of your male population) as lesser beings is ridiculous.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Mr Bacon said:


> We're not emotionless monsters. We're sensitive to people's behaviors/personalities as well and we do have the ability to bond with the other gender!
> 
> However, we also have the ability to get aroused by nothing but a girl's looks. That's why we jerk off to porn. When we see a hot girl walking down the streets, the only thing going on in our minds is "_damn, I wanna ***** her._"
> 
> And then you actually get to know that girl, and you realize she's nice, fun to be around, you feel some connection with her, and you get attached to her as a person.


Yeah, must be pretty distracting. I can picture it, because I have those emotions they're just very focussed on certain individuals. Having that sort of thing frequently would be very distracting and annoying (in terms of quantity of people.)

And I know, I was just trying to understand what you were getting at. I know it's a buzz word that people love to throw around whenever someone finds anyone vaguely physically attractive but I feel like objectification has to be a concious decision because you have to treat someone like a thing in order to objectify them really.

Not just think 'damn I'd **** her.' That's almost an unconscious passing thought, and I'd assume most guys don't then rationalise their thoughts as 'and because I want to have sex with her that means this person definitely has nothing else to offer.'


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah, must be pretty distracting. I can picture it, because I have those emotions they're just very focussed on certain individuals. Having that sort of thing frequently would be very distracting and annoying.
> 
> And I know, I was just trying to understand what you were getting at. I know it's a buzz word that people love to throw around whenever someone finds anyone vaguely physically attractive but I feel like objectification has to be a concious decision because you have to treat someone like a thing in order to objectify them really.


I'm tired of the buzzword "_objectification._" It's empty of meaning.

If I'm jerking off to a woman or admiring a sexy add, all of a sudden I'm seeing women as nothing but objects. Well we could argue that we see most people as means to an end, or "objects." The waitress who serves you coffee is just "a thing" serving you your beverage. The guy flipping burgers at McDonalds is the object preparing your food before you eat it. It's not like you give a sh*t about his personality, his feelings, or his ambitions. You just want your burger and he's the tool you're using and indirectly paying in exchange for the service.


> Not just think 'damn I'd **** her.' That's almost an unconscious passing thought, and I'd assume most guys don't then rationalise their thoughts as 'and because I want to have sex with her that means this person definitely has nothing else to offer.'


Wanting to have sex with a girl does not indeed mean that there's nothing more to her than her vagina.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Elad said:


> but who was respect?


I've been trying to find the answer to that question for countless years :b


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Mr Bacon said:


> I'm tired of the buzzword "_objectification._" It's empty of meaning.
> 
> If I'm jerking off to a woman or admiring a sexy add, all of a sudden I'm seeing women as nothing but objects. Well we could argue that we see most people as means to an end, or "objects." *The waitress who serves you coffee is just "a thing" serving you your beverage. The guy flipping burgers at McDonalds is the object preparing your food before you eat it. It's not like you give a sh*t about his personality, his feelings, or his ambitions. *You just want your burger and he's the tool you're using and indirectly paying in exchange for the service.
> 
> Wanting to have sex with a girl does not indeed mean that there's nothing more to her than her vagina.


Are you really saying that you and most men don't actually care about people in service positions or acknowledge their humanity? I really hope you don't speak for most men on that.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Shameful said:


> Are you really saying that you and most men don't actually care about people in service positions or acknowledge their humanity? I really hope you don't speak for most men on that.


What he's saying is that the overwhelming majority of people in the world don't care about some strangers personal struggles, they don't care that he broke up with his GF 2 months ago, they don't care that the girl at the supermarket lost her cat 3 weeks ago. This is not a gender specific thing, is this mankind as a whole.


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## orsomething (Feb 14, 2014)

Mr Bacon said:


> I'm tired of the buzzword "_objectification._" It's empty of meaning.
> 
> If I'm jerking off to a woman or admiring a sexy add, all of a sudden I'm seeing women as nothing but objects. Well we could argue that we see most people as means to an end, or "objects." *The waitress who serves you coffee is just "a thing" serving you your beverage. The guy flipping burgers at McDonalds is the object preparing your food before you eat it. It's not like you give a sh*t about his personality, his feelings, or his ambitions. You just want your burger and he's the tool you're using and indirectly paying in exchange for the service.*
> 
> Wanting to have sex with a girl does not indeed mean that there's nothing more to her than her vagina.


no

not everyone sees other people in that way

*******s do


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Elad said:


> lol this isn't survivor and we're not at tribal council, people can only post what they would do, op will already know which way shes leaning in her heart
> 
> i know personally if a girl constantly talked to me about how attractive she was finding other guys i'd be gone, because while it might appear a small thing now(i dont think it is), the seed for future insecurity/jealousy has been planted and if you're prone to those things which a lot of people with anxiety are, its only going to grow
> 
> ...


but who was middle ground. Relationships can't be 100% perfect or I'm dumping you. That's just too idealistic. Besides, all I said was to explore more information about the situation rather than resorting to "OMG DUMP HIM HE'S WORSE THAN HITLER" based on a vague paragraph by the OP.



Shameful said:


> Well I'm just going to hope most men aren't as Mr Bacon describes and continue living my life pretending that, because I'm much too young to resign to celibacy or become a nun.


I think most men will be like that. (in that they'd check out a hot girl, but that's about it)


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> I think most men will be like that. (in that they'd check out a hot girl, but that's about it)


That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Shameful said:


> Are you really saying that you and most men don't actually care about people in service positions or acknowledge their humanity? I really hope you don't speak for most men on that.


no that bolded part is plain ****ed

that kind of thinking has nothing to do with gender



gunner21 said:


> but who was middle ground. Relationships can't be 100% perfect or I'm dumping you. That's just too idealistic. Besides, all I said was to explore more information about the situation rather than resorting to "OMG DUMP HIM HE'S WORSE THAN HITLER" based on a vague paragraph by the OP.


middle ground is talking to the person, which she said she has and it continues

i could maybe understand talking about celebs and such, but talking about people on the street and those you know? its a respect thing and if its making you unhappy/depressed/insecure then you should consider ending it, because while obviously nothing is going to be perfect, the feelings mentioned are hugely negative

"so your boyfriend is fueling your depression and insecurity because he keeps saying stuff you told him bothers you?? so what there are flaws in relationships make it work, its a little thing!"

i'm not a believer in fighting tooth and nail for relationships if they are proving to be toxic, sometimes you have to accept its just not worth it, if you keep going and let it continue your problems are only going to grow worse and we know depression/insecurity grow like a ****ing weeds

obviously she should confront him about it but if it continues you've gotta put yourself first, even though its hard when you're viewing the person through those rose tinted glasses

"yeah he makes my depression worse, yeah he makes me feel insecure but hes really cool with everything else!"

and how do you know hes not like hitler, ops post was pretty vague


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


Welcome to reality. The bolded part of the post I don't necessarily agree to at that level but from my experience what I wrote in mine is how the majority think. I don't lose sleep over what's happening to people in poverty stricken nations do you? We all have our own issues we deal with and for the most part dominate our thinking. If a cashier at a store is crying I'll ask her/him if they are okay but I'm not going to take the rest of the day off to support them and listen to their issues. If that makes me a bad person then I'm a bad person.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Show me someone who doesn't objectify other people and I'll show you a Kant enthusiast who's full of sh-t.  Everyone treats other people as a means to an end at some point. 

Some women thinking that women have some sole claim to objectification is not only sexist but downright insensitive. 

It hurts my feelings when women just use me for my dips. I may have a large assortment of dips at my disposal, but I'm a person, too. Damnit. *tears up* I have eyes, you know. They're up here, right by where I got some dip on my nose.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Do you actually objectify women though? And not just you, but do you think men in general do that? What I mean is, you obviously think 'that woman's hot' but do you also sort of ignore/dismiss all other parts of her and _only _ see her as a **** toy? Because that's what I take objectification to mean. It's not objectification just to notice someone is attractive.
> 
> If I ever feel down about not looking great I'm just going to remember this post though, cheers lol (actually being serious.)


Women are objectified in strip clubs, porn & adult magazines as nothing more than sex objects. You also have cheerleaders wearing skimpy skirts presented as nothing more than eye candies for the male audience. In these scenarios men basically see them as a toy b/c that's how those women are choosing to present themselves. Otherwise a cute girl walking down the street isn't necessarily objectified as a toy unless her fulltime job is to be an eye candy for men's viewing pleasure.


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## Zyriel (May 20, 2011)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea *they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them* (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.





AussiePea said:


> Welcome to reality. The bolded part of the post I don't necessarily agree to at that level but from my experience what I wrote in mine is how the majority think. *I don't lose sleep over what's happening to people in poverty stricken nations do you? We all have our own issues we deal with and for the most part dominate our thinking. If a cashier at a store is crying I'll ask her/him if they are okay but I'm not going to take the rest of the day off to support them and listen to their issues.* If that makes me a bad person then I'm a bad person.


Haha those make some good points. Well in my opinion of the general idea here of people being automatons, I disagree. I would LIKE to see people as part of a society of independently minded individuals. However, on a personal level I am sort of oblivious to other people. I leave them alone and would like them to leave me alone for the most part, unless I specifically know them on a personal level or care to. Their problems are their own. Now if their "sphere" overlaps my "sphere" or something, I may intervene (depends on the situation). Otherwise I steer clear or problems especially emotional variety, it's none of my concern, that's the job of the establishment.

As for some random person crying, you sir are more empathetic than me lol. I wouldn't see that as a "bad person", much respect in that regards, I tend to not want to get involved with other people much. Plus something like that would feel awkward and uncomfortable lol. I try to follow "treat others how you would like being treated". If I feel like crap, I often times have to deal with it myself, unless I approach someone with it and desire their counsel. I don't want pity, especially from random people, so I assume that of others. However, I must confess, I do often think of the tribulations of humanity, although I don't necessarily lose sleep over it. It's more of the abstract sense of the human race, society at large and the direction of the species.



MildSA said:


> Women are objectified in strip clubs, porn & adult magazines as nothing more than sex objects. You also have cheerleaders wearing skimpy skirts presented as nothing more than eye candies for the male audience. In these scenarios men basically see them as a toy b/c that's how those women are choosing to present themselves. Otherwise a cute girl walking down the street isn't necessarily objectified as a toy unless her fulltime job is to be an eye candy for men's viewing pleasure.


I think that may be the problem for many. Not being able to see the difference between the occupation of objectification and the gender being objectified. Many women tend to objectify themselves as you put it, however don't want to be seen as such lol. Although, I have seen a few who tend to require constant praise or validation of their efforts in the regards of, let's put it, the "arts of feminine beauty". Which often times, psychologically causes them to feel insecurity in their appearance. Then you have men who tend to treat all women as objects, and often times possessions instead of individuals. Which both genders are guilty of, as well as most people (myself included).

Relationships tend to be that, instead of a mutual respect between two people, a "role" being played by actors taking the part of the perceived acceptable gender stereotype. Which creates a "life" of it's own within relationships, independent of the individuals outside of the relationship. So each plays their part, and other parts often "wither away". Those roles often change as well from the different phases of the relationship lol, especially when people "take advice" from others, further reinforcing the same mentality. (Like somewhat in this thread lol) The perceived idea of what is "supposed" to take place, and on certain shows, magazines, or other media outlets tailored to each respective gender 

Much of modern society heralds double standards, and hypocritical thinking. Many people want respect, yet don't give it, and vice versa lol. Are critical of their opposite gender, yet not of themselves.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Mr Bacon said:


> I'm tired of the buzzword "_objectification._" It's empty of meaning.


Wow, I'm glad someone said this. I agree completely.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


You and Bacon are proof that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.

I totally get your drift, Bacon.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


Basically, Mr. Bacon was trying to make a point. Why is it different to fantasize about someone sexually, vs. using someone to provide any other type of service? They're all "objects."

I'm not sure I'm saying this in the best way, I hope you get my drift now.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


And just because we fantasize someone or utilize a service they're providing, doesn't mean we don't care about them as a person.


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## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Shameful said:


> Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex).


No. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of people that often think of strangers as means to an end. You're the one who slipped the word "men" in there.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

MildSA said:


> Women are objectified in strip clubs, porn & adult magazines as nothing more than sex objects. You also have cheerleaders wearing skimpy skirts presented as nothing more than eye candies for the male audience. In these scenarios men basically see them as a toy b/c that's how those women are choosing to present themselves. Otherwise a cute girl walking down the street isn't necessarily objectified as a toy unless her fulltime job is to be an eye candy for men's viewing pleasure.


It takes quite a bit of work to be a cheerleader, profesionally at least. I do think it's a real shame to think they objectify themselves and there is nothing else to what they do (and this is an example of the negative effect of oversexulising on a societal level most people, annoyingly, would agree with you that they are nothing more than eye candy.) It's a bit like thinking school girls objectify themselves because of skimpy costumes that exist and porn cliches...

If you find them hot, whatever, but don't strip everything else away like all the training and gymnastics involved.


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## DNightingale (Oct 12, 2014)

If you asked him to stop those type of comments and he refused to then I'd say he's quite a douche, that's very inconsiderate and doesn't herald very good things for the relationship.

That being said and this is a little off topic... I personally have always found women that are eternally insecure about their appearance to be very off putting... Not to say I don't acknowledge the huge social pressures that most females face in that regard and I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking some occasional reassurance, but when a woman seems to constantly put herself down because of her appearance to the point where it seems to be the center of their identity and existence, I just more or less lose any and all respect for them.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

DNightingale said:


> If you asked him to stop those type of comments and he refused to then I'd say he's quite a douche, that's very inconsiderate and doesn't herald very good things for the relationship.
> 
> That being said and this is a little off topic... I personally have always found women that are eternally insecure about their appearance to be very off putting... Not to say I don't acknowledge the huge social pressures that most females face in that regard and I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking some occasional reassurance, but when a woman seems to constantly put herself down because of her appearance to the point where it seems to be the center of their identity and existence, I just more or less lose any and all respect for them.


You lose all respect for people with low self-esteem, which is usually due to lots of bullying? That sounds pretty sick, honestly. It's not as if these people want to hate the way they look - they were conditioned to think that way. Guys have sky-high standards for what women should look like, bully us for not meeting them, and still expect us to be confident. And if you're confident but don't meet their physical standards, they bully you for that. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

DNightingale said:


> If you asked him to stop those type of comments and he refused to then I'd say he's quite a douche, that's very inconsiderate and doesn't herald very good things for the relationship.
> 
> That being said and this is a little off topic... I personally have always found women that are eternally insecure about their appearance to be very off putting... Not to say I don't acknowledge the huge social pressures that most females face in that regard and I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking some occasional reassurance, but when a woman seems to constantly put herself down because of her appearance to the point where it seems to be the center of their identity and existence, I just more or less lose any and all respect for them.


Most women become like that if they don't have success with men.

Society teaches us that self improvement in finding someone else is purely physical, and that we become invisible after the age of 50 in society and after 45 in dating when we lose our youth, that attractive women are more likely to find work, and that things that men do to make themselves more attractive unrelated to physical appearence don't work for women.

Advice for women is littered with what physical parts do men find attractive? And how can you change them? Until you view yourself as a series of parts that need varying degree of work. 'my breasts,are fine but my *** isn't curvy enough, my legs aren't long enough, I have no eyelashes, My eyes are small not large and round, my hair isn't long, silky smooth. I'll never be beautiful.'

If you asked anyone what you could do to make a woman more succesful, they'd probably deny it, but there advice would be something like 'try new clothes, hair, makeup' other than that the vague 'be approachable' that's right. Sit there looking pretty, and wait for someone to take the bait. Nothing else to do now.

It's bull****.

You either are confident because no one has ever given you reason not to be, self righteous I don't give a ****, self righteous I don't give a **** and occasionally insecure, hopefully optimistic but insecure, or realllly insecure.

I'm aware you've acknowleged it, but I want to put it into words. So you realise how rare and precious finding a woman who has no, nor has ever had, any issues with her physical appearence is.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Guys have sky-high standards for what women should look like


So do women, for men.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> So do women, for men.


That couldn't be more false. Men care about looks far, far more than women do.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

momentsunset said:


> Honestly you guys, my boyfriend is not a bad person.
> He has moments where he can be an *******, but everyone has those moments.
> He has been sweet to me. He's the type of person to randomly make me a card or love note expressing how much I mean to him and how much he loves me.
> When all I had were sore legs, he insisted on driving an hour and a half (that's the distance he lives from me) just to drive me to my therapy appointment and get groceries so I didn't have to walk (I'm carless). Not to mention he gave up a very high paying job to take care of his disabled mother. I don't think someone who would do these things is a bad person. He's making mistakes and being thoughtless, yeah, but not a bad person because of that.
> ...


Thanks for answering 

He does sound like quite an all round good guy from what you've described, and it would be a shame to abandon an otherwise promising relationship over something that could be fixed.



> When I first told him about how much his comments bothered me, he apologized and said he didn't even remember making the comments and felt like a horrible person for doing it. So then why still do it? That confuses me :/


 Can I ask: What specifically did you both say to each other at that time? Did you directly tell him you would like him to stop making those comments when you are within earshot, or did he specifically say he wouldn't do so any more?

Because I suspect what _may_ have happened is this: When you told him that those remarks make you feel bad and insecure about yourself, he might have wrongly _assumed_ that all you needed was reassurance that just because he made those remarks doesn't mean that he loves you any less or that he doesn't find you wonderfully physically attractive, and that once he had told you those things it was now understood that it was ok for him to make the occasional remark, because in his mind what he assumes is just a misunderstanding has now been cleared up (when in fact it hasn't).

^Do you think that might be a possibility? Is it possible that despite the one conversation you have already had he doesn't yet quite understand how much hurt these remarks cause you, and that you would like him to stop making them?

Being assertive is notoriously difficult for those of use with a history of shyness/social anxiety. Conversation is also something that we can find tricky. You're certainly not alone in that regard. It's perfectly understandable.

I find that unless I be very specific about something, often it is possible for other people to jump to the wrong conclusion about what I am trying to say, or to make an assumption that isn't accurate.

(have a look at all the assumptions flying around in this thread to see how easy it is to do :b)

Is it possible that you both came away from that conversation assuming slightly different things? You might have assumed that once you had told him that the comments upset you he would automatically understand without being explicitly told that you don't want him to make them anymore (not an unreasonable assumption to make at all). While _he_ might have assumed (wrongly) that all you needed was a bit of reassurance about how attractive he finds you, not realising the full extent of the upset those comments cause.



> I am new to relationships (this is my first real boyfriend) and I thought this was a common thing that guys do and maybe I was overreacting/being too sensitive. I guess some girls will leave their boyfriends over this though.
> I'm going to try to talk to him about it the next time he makes a comment about a girl. I have a hard time speaking up though and possibly starting an argument. It makes me incredibly anxious so it will be a challenge.


 It's not at all unreasonable for you to ask him not to make those comments around you. It's perfectly natural for someone with a history of anxiety about their appearance to feel the way you do when a partner (especially a first relationship partner) says those things. I'd imagine it would trigger insecurities and produce thoughts such as:_ "Is he really as attracted to me as he says he is? ""He'd probably prefer some other girl" "What if he is just with me because he can't get someone else?" "Will he leave as soon as someone better looking pays him attention?" _

Everyone is different: Some people would feel exactly the same as you in your position, and others not. Maybe he himself is the latter, which could be why it doesn't occur to him just how much it could hurt you_. _

It might be a good idea to discuss this issue together at a time of your choosing, rather than waiting for him to make another remark and then have an argument. It seems like something that doesn't need to be a fight, rather you could find a time to sit down and speak calmly about the whole thing: Your history of anxiety about your body, some of the thoughts that come up when you hear him make those remarks, and *explicitly* - that you would like him not to make those remarks around you.

If I were you I would make it clear that you are not trying to police his private thoughts - he can still think whatever he likes when he sees say, an actress in a movie he likes - and you understand that it's natural for humans to find other humans attractive, *but just that you don't want (or need) to hear it* because it is upsetting for you. It's not an unreasonable request at all, and I'm sure it's something the two of you can come to a reasonable agreement on.

As I said, assertiveness and confrontation don't really come naturally to people with a history of shyness, so you might find this Assertiveness workbook useful: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm It's from the place I went to for therapy. I found some of those workbooks quite useful.

Good luck! 

ps. You also asked about how you could stop these kind of comments from bugging you. I think that's something that will only come with a lot of time. With time comes evidence and reassurance. There might be a point in the future when you are so secure in your relationship, and so content with your own body (and aware that your boyfriend really means it when he says he finds you very physically attractive) that the insecurities that currently bother you will fade away - but you're not quite there yet, *and that's ok*. Maybe one day the two of you can comfortably share or joke about which other people you find attractive without it bothering either of you, but that's still some way off. Again, that's ok.

pps. About him talking about his masturbation habits: I've heard of couples in which one person likes to watch porn but the other is bothered by it, so they come to an arrangement like this: The one who does watch porn agrees to keep it completely hidden from the other person (ie. Not tell you who or what he has been looking at, or mention it at all...not leave anything on a computer the other might see, etc...) and the other person agrees to turn a blind eye. It might be something you could try, or it might not. Just thought I'd mention it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> That couldn't be more false. Men care about looks far, far more than women do.


This may or may not be true, but I believe men find more women physically attractive than women do men. In other words, it's easier to be an attractive woman than to be an attractive man.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> This may or may not be true, but I believe men find more women physically attractive than women do men. In other words, it's easier to be an attractive woman than to be an attractive man.


I haven't noticed anything that remotely supports this. Most men seem to find less than 10% of women attractive.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> I haven't noticed anything that remotely supports this. Most men seem to find less than 10% of women attractive.


There's no way that's true. I find most women physically attractive in some way.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I haven't noticed anything that remotely supports this. Most men seem to find less than 10% of women attractive.





srschirm said:


> There's no way that's true. I find most women physically attractive in some way.


I am going to have to go with Srschirm on this one. I find most women physically attractive in some way.

Now there's a difference between 'oh yes she's attractive looking' and 'she's damn gorgeous'.


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## UEA (Nov 26, 2014)

momentsunset said:


> I don't know about leaving him over this since I do love him and (besides this) he has been good to me. But I think you're right. Maybe I need to speak up to him more?


I think you should tell him seriously how it makes you feel and tell him that unless he stops you will have to rethink things. If he does value you then he will respect that. If he continues, I would honestly end it. A similar thing happened to me over the summer. Trust me, you deserve better than that and you shouldn't have to toy with your own happiness because of his disrespectful nature.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Ignopius said:


> I am going to have to go with Srschirm on this one. I find most women physically attractive in some way.
> 
> Now there's a difference between 'oh yes she's attractive looking' and 'she's damn gorgeous'.


You're in the extreme minority. I don't know a single guy who would agree with you.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Ignopius said:


> I am going to have to go with Srschirm on this one. I find most women physically attractive in some way.
> 
> Now there's a difference between 'oh yes she's attractive looking' and 'she's damn gorgeous'.


Thanks brother. I agree. And I avoid calling people I don't find attractive ugly or fat or anything like that.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

This thread:


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> You're in the extreme minority. I don't know a single guy who would agree with you.


Well you just met 3 guys. We can't be that rare.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Personal attack reported.


That's ridiculous.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

By the way, I know you're an attractive woman yourself, tbyrfan.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You'll probably rip my head off for suggesting this but I think you're projecting how you'd feel in that situation based on your experiences onto the OP's situation. I absolutely get where you're coming from, but it's still not useful to the OP.


:yes


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Well you just met 3 guys. We can't be that rare.


I've never met one of them in my entire life. :stu



srschirm said:


> That's ridiculous.


I don't believe in attacking people on a mental health support site. Sorry to hear that you disagree.



srschirm said:


> By the way, I know you're an attractive woman yourself, tbyrfan.


I'd appreciate it if you stopped with the pity lies, thanks.


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## DNightingale (Oct 12, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm aware you've acknowleged it, but I want to put it into words. So you realise how rare and precious finding a woman who has no, nor has ever had, any issues with her physical appearence is.


I have no issues with women having a certain degree of insecurity in that regard. In the end we're all nothing but human beings and no one is a perfect being that never displays any degree or sign of weakness. Expecting otherwise out of anyone would be quite stupid.

I also can't deny in any way the social pressures that women must face in this regard albeit I obviously have not experienced them myself.

But I do believe that there's a reasonable limit to everything.

For example, the first girlfriend I had... It's hard to make objective judgements about this sort of thing but for the sake of this arguments let's just say that she was most likely below average appearance wise, not to any extreme degree but she certainly was. Yet I was personally more than fine with her appearance and I found her quite attractive in my personal taste. I tried my best to convey this to her every time I could and to reassure her every time I noticed she felt insecure in that regard, yet it was an ever present issue with her... Constant insecurity and self doubt to the point that even I became irritated with it.

In my eyes, that attitude of hers and her refusal to just accept herself to a reasonable degree made her far, far less attractive than anything that could have been said about her actual appearance. It's not like I was a massive douche putting her down constantly or that she had terrible friends that did that, I know that wasn't the case, but she still remained obsessed with the issue to the point it frustrated everyone around her.

I'm not saying that's easy to do or that a woman never has a right to display insecurity or seek reassurance in that regard, no, I think that's very reasonable. But there has to be a point where one grows up, where we accept ourselves and move past those things. Otherwise it becomes quite counter productive.



tbyrfan said:


> You lose all respect for people with low self-esteem, which is usually due to lots of bullying? That sounds pretty sick, honestly. It's not as if these people want to hate the way they look - they were conditioned to think that way. Guys have sky-high standards for what women should look like, bully us for not meeting them, and still expect us to be confident. And if you're confident but don't meet their physical standards, they bully you for that. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.


Are you a helpless victim? do you not have a mind and a will of your own?

If some mean guys did that to you... Why continue giving them so much power? why base your whole self esteem on people that evidently do not care about you in the slightest?

Blame those people for the way they threat you, sure, but it seems to me that what you're doing is throwing your hands into the hair and declaring yourself a helpless being completely at the mercy of the opinion of others.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> I haven't noticed anything that remotely supports this. Most men seem to find less than 10% of women attractive.


I don't know where you are getting these statistics. How do you come by that figure?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> I'd appreciate it if you stopped with the pity lies, thanks.


Okay, then. I don't think I'm going to get anywhere with you, lol.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

Shameful said:


> That's not all he said though. Between him and aussiepea they painted a picture of men that basically don't even recognize the humanity of strangers they come across and see other people as basically automatons that exist only for what they can provide to them (food, coffee, and sex). I'm not willing to believe that.


When a stranger is a jackass to me, I don't wonder "Is everything ok with him/her? Maybe I should sit them down and ask if something is troubling them." I probably just think "that person is a jackass", or I remind myself that "other people have their own issues they're taking out on me". With a friend or close acquaintance, I'll care and want to know why. For better or worse, empathy is earned via closeness.

And it's only human in itself to treat others as more human the more you familiarize yourself with them and their idiosyncracies. Call it shortsightedness, or the human condition.

I assume that's what Mr. Bacon and aussiepea were alluding to.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

DNightingale said:


> I have no issues with women having a certain degree of insecurity in that regard. In the end we're all nothing but human beings and no one is a perfect being that never displays any degree or sign of weakness. Expecting otherwise out of anyone would be quite stupid.
> 
> I also can't deny in any way the social pressures that women must face in this regard albeit I obviously have not experienced them myself.
> 
> But I do believe that there's a reasonable limit to everything.


Good post. My last girlfriend was like that. We'd be out and I'd be accused of checking out these girls. One time I don't even think I noticed the one girl. It was long distance, so all my attention was focused on my girlfriend. And anyone I did notice, it wasn't like I was fantasizing about them.

It's sad, she is a great girl, and her insecurities get the best of her. Beautiful in her own right.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

DNightingale said:


> I have no issues with women having a certain degree of insecurity in that regard. In the end we're all nothing but human beings and no one is a perfect being that never displays any degree or sign of weakness. Expecting otherwise out of anyone would be quite stupid.
> 
> I also can't deny in any way the social pressures that women must face in this regard albeit I obviously have not experienced them myself.
> 
> ...


I think the problem is at a societal level that you see consistent evidence of women who are conventionally attractive being rewarded for that and very slim evidence of female success in dating or life in general that doesn't come hand in hand with that.

Moreover if a woman is not all in all conventionally attractive than points will be made about her positive physical attributes to reassure her. People do not feel the need to do this with men because there is the assumption that they have other things they can fall back on and that may be even more important. These things present unique issues for men but I'm obviously not focussing on that in this post.

Men are discouraged from talking about women in a more emotional light and focussing heavily on the physical, lest they come across as too 'feminine.' And that is reinforced by both women and men in subtly different ways. The result is that praise on physical appearance feels more important to most women because that is what they assume men and society finds most important and convincing herself otherwise will take considerable effort given the evidence available.

As such women have to do two things that conflict with what society tells them - stop thinking that being desired by men is important/relevant to self worth and find a way to make an impact on other people that doesn't involve looks. It is difficult though because people get told things like 'nah you look fine' to make them feel better which just reinforces how important it is, and both genders make a big deal out of/highlight a woman's appearence too. Because it very much is an ingrained cultural mentality.

It is disheartning to feel like you're fighting against the massive status quo message to make what you have to say just as important as someone who is better looking. When journalists choose to focus on what women (and now men for different reasons yay it's getting worse,)
in science are wearing, and their appearence, you know just what kind of battle you've been thrown into.

Studies have shown that both men and women view women as parts instead of a whole (which is how they view men.)

And to give credit where it's due, I think that British film and media handle this issue better than in the US (far from perfectly, but comparatively better.) I don't actually watch much, but I've gained an increased awareness recently. And that's why when I hear Americans make comments like 'damn is that what hot people look like in the UK?' (seriously heard this exact thing actually from a user on this forum) I feel so happy that they've been forced to have their views shaken up a bit.

Bonus link:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f24/ellen-page-is-so-gorgeous-i-cant-get-over-it-1290602/



It's not surprising that people think of physical attractiveness in women as objective when so many people take the 'what are you crazy!?' approach instead of the 'ah, I don't see it, but each to their own.' attitude.

They don't just say 'nah' they say 'this is why you should not feel this way.' They go into immense detail.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

momentsunset said:


> Sometimes my boyfriend makes comments about how hot/sexy someone is and after hearing that I start to get depressed for not being as attractive as that woman and begin hating my appearance more than I already do. I told him that it bugs me, but he still continues to make comments here and there and sometimes they wind up ruining my whole day.
> 
> I don't know how I can let these comments not bug me. Any advice would be appreciated.


Oh my, I would dump him right now. Your relationship, happiness, and self-esteem should be his priority. How can you date a man who does not care about your feelings? You have a right to be upset because he shouldn't be saying those things. I couldn't date a man who was so disrespectful toward me and a man who sounds like he has wandering eyes. Please love yourself, dump this guy and find a man who is worthy of you.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

scarpia said:


> I don't know where you are getting these statistics. How do you come by that figure?


Out of thin air.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

momentsunset said:


> He has made comments about random girls in gifs when we're browsing websites online, calling them sexy as hell or "yummy". About celebs/singers when we're watching TV, calling them hot/sexy. And sometimes driving around if he see's an attractive girl on the street he'll blurt out "woah!". He's also mentioned a few times how he was up late jerking it to some celeb.. TMI


Now I'm picturing him as an ape.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

DNightingale said:


> For example, the first girlfriend I had... It's hard to make objective judgements about this sort of thing but for the sake of this arguments let's just say that she was most likely below average appearance wise, not to any extreme degree but she certainly was. Yet I was personally more than fine with her appearance and I found her quite attractive in my personal taste. I tried my best to convey this to her every time I could and to reassure her every time I noticed she felt insecure in that regard, yet it was an ever present issue with her... Constant insecurity and self doubt to the point that even I became irritated with it.
> 
> In my eyes, that attitude of hers and her refusal to just accept herself to a reasonable degree made her far, far less attractive than anything that could have been said about her actual appearance. It's not like I was a massive douche putting her down constantly or that she had terrible friends that did that, I know that wasn't the case, but she still remained obsessed with the issue to the point it frustrated everyone around her.
> 
> I'm not saying that's easy to do or that a woman never has a right to display insecurity or seek reassurance in that regard, no, I think that's very reasonable. But there has to be a point where one grows up, where we accept ourselves and move past those things. Otherwise it becomes quite counter productive.


She probably knew you thought she was objectively unattractive and it ate at her. You can't blame unattractive women for being insecure. You would think differently if you had experienced it yourself. It's nearly impossible, if not impossible to accept your looks and move past it if you are ugly.



DNightingale said:


> Are you a helpless victim? do you not have a mind and a will of your own?
> 
> If some mean guys did that to you... Why continue giving them so much power? why base your whole self esteem on people that evidently do not care about you in the slightest?
> 
> Blame those people for the way they threat you, sure, but it seems to me that what you're doing is throwing your hands into the hair and declaring yourself a helpless being completely at the mercy of the opinion of others.


I view my looks the way most others view mine. If the majority say I'm ugly, then I am. It would be delusional to think otherwise.



scarpia said:


> I don't know where you are getting these statistics. How do you come by that figure?





gunner21 said:


> Out of thin air.


Real life experience. Most guys I know are extremely picky. I've heard guys call celebrities like Scarlett Johansson ugly, just because they didn't have the smallest nose on the daintiest face. At school, almost all of the guys went after the same few girls that were nearly perfect-looking. They picked at the slightest flaws on a girl, such as a slightly crooked tooth. I've heard them call so many girls ugly who were clearly above average.


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## DNightingale (Oct 12, 2014)

tbyrfan said:


> She probably knew you thought she was objectively unattractive and it ate at her. You can't blame unattractive women for being insecure. You would think differently if you had experienced it yourself. It's nearly impossible, if not impossible to accept your looks and move past it if you are ugly.


I have a good memory and I'm pretty sure I saw a picture of you in some thread around here... Yep, found it again.

Now I can't pretend to completely project my personal experience unto everyone else, specially because I'm not a female and I am aware that most females will face pressures I haven't.

That being said I can't help but to feel that this:



tbyrfan said:


> It's nearly impossible, if not impossible to accept your looks and move past it if you are ugly.


Is nothing but self victimizing BS.

I dislike pity parades but having seen you I'd say that there's a good chance that in the eyes of most people I would be ranked as less attractive than you compared to the average. I have a very noticeable flaw and when I was a child/adolescent I was constantly harassed/made fun of/humiliated because of it, for many years.

Did that suck? it certainly did and it was quite painful emotionally. But as years passed by and I grew up and matured I learnt to accept that fact, I may not like it and wish that it was different, but I accepted nevertheless and it no longer haunts me in any way.

I suppose all I can say is that while we may have limited/no control over our exterior... Ugliness, we do have control over what's inside; our personality, our attitudes and idiosyncrasies.

And in my personal experience a person that's ugly on the outside will probably have a difficult time in life but one that becomes so fixated with their exterior ugliness that it spreads into their interior will do nothing but repel anyone worthy that may ever try to get close.

Take that as you will.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Real life experience. Most guys I know are extremely picky. I've heard guys call celebrities like Scarlett Johansson ugly, just because they didn't have the smallest nose on the daintiest face. At school, almost all of the guys went after the same few girls that were nearly perfect-looking. They picked at the slightest flaws on a girl, such as a slightly crooked tooth. I've heard them call so many girls ugly who were clearly above average.


That doesn't mean that they ONLY find the top 10% attractive. The 20th percentile are also attractive. So is the 30th percentile. But those near perfect looking women are pretty hard to resist. Most men have the fantasy of being with a woman like that. I've paid a lot of money to make that happen too.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

DNightingale said:


> I have a good memory and I'm pretty sure I saw a picture of you in some thread around here... Yep, found it again.
> 
> Now I can't pretend to completely project my personal experience unto everyone else, specially because I'm not a female and I am aware that most females will face pressures I haven't.
> 
> ...


You have zero empathy. If you want people to side with you or take your advice, don't belittle their issues. It is not easy to simply accept major flaws that people bullied you for for years. Plus acceptance is complicated - telling someone to just accept something without telling them how does more harm than good, if anything. Maybe it isor people who lack normal emotions, but not for most people.



scarpia said:


> That doesn't mean that they ONLY find the top 10% attractive. The 20th percentile are also attractive. So is the 30th percentile. But those near perfect looking women are pretty hard to resist. Most men have the fantasy of being with a woman like that. I've paid a lot of money to make that happen too.


Sorry, but I don't buy it.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Real life experience. Most guys I know are extremely picky. I've heard guys call celebrities like Scarlett Johansson ugly, just because they didn't have the smallest nose on the daintiest face. At school, almost all of the guys went after the same few girls that were nearly perfect-looking. They picked at the slightest flaws on a girl, such as a slightly crooked tooth. I've heard them call so many girls ugly who were clearly above average.


Yeah, but I can assure you those guys would get on SJ in a heartbeat. Trust me. And you're talking about schoolkids now? Guys tend to pick on the girls they like anyway.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> You have zero empathy. If you want people to side with you or take your advice, don't belittle their issues. It is not easy to simply accept major flaws that people bullied you for for years. Plus acceptance is complicated - telling someone to just accept something without telling them how does more harm than good, if anything. Maybe it isor people who lack normal emotions, but not for most people.
> 
> Sorry, but I don't buy it.


How do you get that he has zero empathy from what he posted? I got the exact opposite.

You're not going to listen to us regardless of what we say, face it.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Sorry, but I don't buy it.












Does that help?

But seriously this is going off topic.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Guys tend to pick on the girls they like anyway.


Guys PLAYFULLY pick on girls they like. They wouldn't tell a girl they like to kill herself because she is ugly or publicly humiliate her, or tell her any of the other wonderful insults I heard pretty much every day.



srschirm said:


> How do you get that he has zero empathy from what he posted? I got the exact opposite.
> 
> You're not going to listen to us regardless of what we say, face it.


Then you must have no empathy as well. I don't listen to people who are glaringly wrong, sorry.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> Guys PLAYFULLY pick on girls they like. They wouldn't tell a girl they like to kill herself because she is ugly or publicly humiliate her, or tell her any of the other wonderful insults I heard pretty much every day.
> 
> Then you must have no empathy as well. I don't listen to people who are glaringly wrong, sorry.


I'm sorry if you had to endure that. No one deserves that.

I'm not glaringly wrong...I have backup from the guys on this very thread.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> I'm not glaringly wrong...I have backup from the guys on this very thread.


Who are also wrong...sorry, I don't see anything IRL that supports your points.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Wow. This thread. :blank

I think the only sound thing to do is ask why he makes those comments. People shouldn't assume other people's intentions. Maybe he's an insensitive jerk, maybe he's clueless, or maybe he thinks being able to admit things like who he's attracted to is part of being in a healthy relationship. If it's hurting you, he shouldn't be doing it, because you shouldn't hurt people you love, but there's more than one reason why he might be engaging in that kind of behavior.

Am I the only person who is actually interested in what my partners find attractive? I'm very insecure about my appearance, but my curiosity is stronger, and I've often asked my partners if they found certain people attractive. I feel like if I know what kind of people turn my partners on, I have a little more insight into them. It's a kind of intimacy that actually makes me feel closer to them. But I think that mindset probably seems pretty alien to most people.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Some people don't get it. Just do the same thing to him. If you see a hot guy let him know you think he's hot.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Laughing at the last couple of pages. I'm read some delusional bs in my time but this takes the cake.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

AussiePea said:


> Laughing at the last couple of pages. I'm read some delusional bs in my time but this takes the cake.


What is it with the constant passive aggressive comments? Can you put me on your ignore list instead of making these condescending posts all the time?


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