# Anyone here cant make friends at clubs at University, nor online friends?



## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

To be honest I try to put myself out there, I follow keen advise on how to make friendships and follow the correct path to meet people but its honestly hard. Its always easier said than done and in University if your not extroverted good luck talking to people.

Removing partners and relationships out of the equation its really pathetic how humans _*need*_ social affiliation. We are out of that stage of dependence where we need to rely on everyone in the village to do his own part in the past. Sure having connections is an advantage and basic relationships are a must but why feel pain over something so trivial? We can survive and thrive as independent people but the loneliness just burns and its a stupid mechanism what triggers it... Maybe psychologically we don't work for ourselves, we work for others and the existential angst of no one seeing your effort can drive you down. Nevertheless I can spend hours/days reading on cognitive psychology but it wont change me as a person so why bother to analysis myself. What I need is social gratification, not a blueprint of my mind.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Friendship is overrated. The movies make it seem like it's necessary, but it isn't. I enjoy talking to people, but I wouldn't say that I have friends. I don't hang out with anyone, and only talk occasionally to classmates at university.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

apx24 said:


> Friendship is overrated. The movies make it seem like it's necessary, but it isn't. I enjoy talking to people, but I wouldn't say that I have friends. I don't hang out with anyone, and only talk occasionally to classmates at university.


Maybe I'm just tired today. Normally I have your attitude but its just bothering me today.


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## Morumot (Sep 21, 2011)

I absolutely need social contact. Don't have any friends offline, only have a few online and feel like whoever is talking to me will eventually get sick of me and think I'm boring. Don't know what groups to join as I don't like sport and I'm not religious.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

I can only make acquaintances in real life now. When I was younger others could befriend me when they got past the shyness. But in adulthood, most people aren't motivated to make friends unless it's convenient / easy, and I don't think my social skills are fine tuned enough for most adults anyway.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

I NEED to have friends. By definition, I am an introvert. However, companionship is something that I crave greatly. I love having people there to chat about my problems with, do fun things with and share life experiences with.

Everyone is different. I obviously can't speak for everybody. But now that I finally have a decent social network in university, I can safely say that I prefer the life I live now to the life I lived in high school (even though it SHOULD be the other way around, because that's how it normally works). I just cannot live the life of a depressed, loser outcast any longer. It is not the life I want and that's why I've been hard at work for the past couple years improving.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

apx24 said:


> Friendship is overrated. The movies make it seem like it's necessary, but it isn't. I enjoy talking to people, but I wouldn't say that I have friends. I don't hang out with anyone, and only talk occasionally to classmates at university.





TheaterofHope said:


> Maybe I'm just tired today. Normally I have your attitude but its just bothering me today.


Guys, guys...

you know that as you get older, your need to belong gets stronger and stronger, right?

I'm asking because at your age, I had no problem at all with having no friends either. But you'll soon start feeling like there's no point in doing anything if there's no one there to see you.

Don't say I didn't warn you!


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## N2Trouble (Jan 26, 2013)

Just for a little laugh............


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

masterridley said:


> Guys, guys...
> 
> you know that as you get older, your need to belong gets stronger and stronger, right?
> 
> ...


No its the opposite.

Actually its like a bell-curve since when your an elder/kid you need social attention.


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## endymionshawk (Jan 15, 2014)

TheaterofHope said:


> No its the opposite.
> 
> Actually its like a bell-curve since when your an elder/kid you need social attention.


Dude, you're 18. I wouldn't be saying anything about what age brings.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

masterridley said:


> Guys, guys...
> 
> you know that as you get older, your need to belong gets stronger and stronger, right?
> 
> ...


I can't help it man, I just don't have the emotional capacity to make friends, I need a lot of self-improvement and therapy before I can be at a stage where I can make friends.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

endymionshawk said:


> Dude, you're 18. I wouldn't be saying anything about what age brings.


Out of curiosity what University do you go to?


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## endymionshawk (Jan 15, 2014)

TheaterofHope said:


> Out of curiosity what University do you go to?


I don't share that information with the internet. I'm sorry.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

The place I've made my friends was at work and psychiatric hospitals.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

endymionshawk said:


> I don't share that information with the internet. I'm sorry.


I know you go to [Carlton, Ryerson, U of T, Waterloo, York, UOIT, Queens, McMaster] you cant hide the truth.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

Lacking Serotonin said:


> The place I've made my friends was at work and psychiatric hospitals.


sigh


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## endymionshawk (Jan 15, 2014)

TheaterofHope said:


> I know you go to [Carlton, Ryerson, U of T, Waterloo, York, UOIT, Queens, McMaster] you cant hide the truth.


Lol yeah, but I figured eight schools was a wide enough range to hide within.

(Could also be Guelph, Windsor, or Western.)


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## Cat Montgomery (Jul 31, 2011)

I am glad I've had the same 3 or 4 friends since middle school, they've always been there for me, but since then I've made very few, if any, new friends. This past semester, while everyone was making new friends at the new school, I really didn't meet anyone. I was pretty quiet all year, I made maybe one friend, but she will be moving away soon, so yeah...


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## Bikini Condom (Sep 10, 2013)

Its easy if you have good social skills

Impossible if you have terrible social skills

Another thing OP you sound like an agitated loner in your OP no offense.


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## TheaterofHope (Dec 11, 2012)

> Another thing OP you sound like an agitated loner in your OP no offense.


 Aren't we all (those who have legit SA)


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## Auld Crabbit (Jan 17, 2014)

BigBlueMoon said:


> I NEED to have friends. By definition, I am an introvert. However, companionship is something that I crave greatly. I love having people there to chat about my problems with, do fun things with and share life experiences with.
> 
> Everyone is different. I obviously can't speak for everybody. But now that I finally have a decent social network in university, I can safely say that I prefer the life I live now to the life I lived in high school (even though it SHOULD be the other way around, because that's how it normally works). I just cannot live the life of a depressed, loser outcast any longer. It is not the life I want and that's why I've been hard at work for the past couple years improving.


In other words, you want to use people.

That's basically all friendship is really - using people for your own selfish desires.

If people can't use you, then there is no reason for them to befriend you.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

Auld Crabbit said:


> In other words, you want to use people.
> 
> That's basically all friendship is really - using people for your own selfish desires.
> 
> If people can't use you, then there is no reason for them to befriend you.


Depends how you look at it, yeah.

That's what relationships are about. Giving and taking.

However, I have plenty of friends that are in the same boat as many of you. A lot of the people that I hang out with wouldn't consider themselves "quality" people. Yet I still hang out with them. So it's really hard to use friendships as a way of gauging self-interest in people.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

For me it's always been easier making 'friendly acquaintances' (you know, proper friends is almost impossible xD) when I have to interact with them for some time, like in work or collegue.

But when I've got a short chance to meet someone (like in a club or the Internet), even if they expect a friendship, I usually fail.


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