# Would you stay with someone who cheated on you?



## polythene (Jul 22, 2007)

.


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## TorLin (Nov 14, 2006)

No. i left my ex-girlfriend cause she cheated on me. so i let her go.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

Um if it was a one time thing and they told the truth(not got caught), were genually upset about it and wanted to work on things then I might give it another go. 

The situation you described. No.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Having cake and eating it, too? In this case he's a ******. Dump the zero, and get yourself a hero!


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

no


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## Celerian (Dec 17, 2008)

Rasputin_1 said:


> Um if it was a one time thing and they told the truth(not got caught), were genually upset about it and wanted to work on things then I might give it another go.
> 
> The situation you described. No.


Kinda in this position right now. Its a one-time thing (due to distance), but she actively pursued the relationship, I knew there were feelings between them, she told me not to worry and then tells me she made out with him anyway. It could have been worse. It might BE worse and she's trying to lessen the blow. Either way, I still have no answers about us. I shouldn't even have to contemplate such things as separation with my fiancee who had my child after three years. There should have been no fling. Unfortunately, there was, and it will need to be dealt with before time is up.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Probably not.


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## Ashram (Feb 15, 2009)

Absolutely not, at least not in the situation you described. I'll admit, outside of my boyfriend, I basically have no other friends. But I'd rather be alone than be used like that. 
If it was a one-time, drunken kinda thing...maybe. _Maybe_. I'd be exceedingly peeved though. My own brand of SA makes me really jealous, so I don't know if I'd be able to handle it.

So you did break up with him in the end? I'm glad to hear it  I believe experiences like that will help you with your SA rather than make it worse. Learning to be stronger is important.


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## christ~in~me (Dec 18, 2008)

i have,but i would never again.
i know i'm better then that.


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## Dreamcatcher (Nov 8, 2003)

NO. Absolutely not.


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## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

Hell no, I'd make that persons life a living hell.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

No, I deserve better!


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

No. I'm very loyal and cheating goes against everything I beleive in. I'd never do that in a relationship and I would expect the same in return.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

No way. But I wouldn't blame them for cheating on me.


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## Celerian (Dec 17, 2008)

polythene said:


> You're engaged? That's AWFUL. I guess the dynamic changes when you have that commitment to think of, but generally I think cheating is just inexcusable. If the person was severely impaired - on hard drugs or alcohol (though god knows why they'd be doing them in the first place) - I might be able to overlook it a little more... but making an active, conscious decision to break your commitment to somebody else? That's just a slap in the face and I don't see how it can be truly forgiven.
> 
> If you know what you're doing is wrong, you should know better than to do it. And if you want that other person so badly, why not break off your existing relationship beforehand?
> 
> Ashram - good post. I feel the way you do - there are some things you can forgive, some things you can't, so I let him go. Can't say I'll be finding anyone new anytime soon with the SA, though.


It is, and maybe social protocol says that making out isn't really cheating. I'm really hurt by it, but I'd be willing to try and forgive what she did should she make her mind up and prove to me that I'm the one she wants. I suppose the outlook is very bleak, and I don't want the relationship to be over. We've gone through so much to just stop trying and move on. She says her mind will be made up by May, but I don't know if I can live that long with things being as they are. I need some sort of answer one way or another so I can come to terms with everything.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

Yep. As long as it was not an emotional affair I would say. Forgivness is an attribute of the strong.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

I consider it unforgivable. Much like being hit.


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## christ~in~me (Dec 18, 2008)

polythene said:


> If the person was severely impaired - on hard drugs or alcohol (though god knows why they'd be doing them in the first place) - I might be able to overlook it a little more...


that's just the thing though.
most people say they were reallly really wasted when they cheat but thats no excuse,they shouldent have put themselves in that position to begin with.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

only if she was my sugar momma


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

Once a cheater, always a cheater

not to mention, COMPLETELY incompatible with me. 

I had this happen to me, as soon as I found out it was true I said goodbye. I shut off my feelings toward him, and saw him in a brand new light forever. I don't know, something about that kind of behavior turns me off so much that I could be head over heels absolutely in love fully and entirely and the next minute just absolutely see the whole situation as IMPOSSIBLE. 

I wouldn't even date a guy who has cheated on ex girlfriends. I've never done it. It's not who I am, and it's not who I'm compatible with either. 

I say no to cheaters. Hmph.


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## Dreamcatcher (Nov 8, 2003)

christ~in~me said:


> that's just the thing though.
> most people say they were reallly really wasted when they cheat but thats no excuse,they shouldent have put themselves in that position to begin with.


:ditto My thoughts exactly.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

nope id never forgive them i couldnt fool myself into it.. it would be pure resentment why bother


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## jonesy0039 (Jan 28, 2008)

deffinatly not.. i deserve better than a ***** even if i am a complete failure lol


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## immortal80 (Feb 25, 2009)

if someone cheats on you, you're with the wrong person. simple enough.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

No I would not. If they did it once, they're a lot more likely to do it again. (drunk or otherwise). Besides, as someone pointed out, being drunk isn't an excuse because no one forced the alcohol into their system.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

It would depend on how hot they were and how desperate I was. At this point that level is unreadably high so they wouldn't be getting away from me no matter what they did.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

dax said:


> No way. But I wouldn't blame them for cheating on me.


This.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I feel that it's too hard to say unless you actually find yourself in that situation, but I think I'd probably never trust them again so the relationship would be screwed regardless.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Celerian said:


> Kinda in this position right now. Its a one-time thing (due to distance), but she actively pursued the relationship, I knew there were feelings between them, she told me not to worry and then tells me she made out with him anyway. It could have been worse. It might BE worse and she's trying to lessen the blow. Either way, I still have no answers about us. I shouldn't even have to contemplate such things as separation with my fiancee who had my child after three years. There should have been no fling. Unfortunately, there was, and it will need to be dealt with before time is up.


Oh, poor you, what an awful situation to be in. And you have a three year old child together? That complicates things.

As someone who was deeply hurt my my parents divorce and the subsequent fallout, I beg you to listen to what I say for the sake of your child. If you judge that your fiancee may not be trustworthy, try to forgive her and leave her now, while your child is still too young to fully understand. Please don't hate her, please don't ever badmouth her to your child, or use the child as a weapon, a thing to be stolen, or a bargaining chip. I'm sorry if you're offended by the suggestion that you might do this, but it happened to me. Try to stay friendly with her if possible, or at least civil.

If she is genuinely remorseful and makes a sincere promise to "forsake all others," if you think you'll be able to trust her again and genuinely forgive her, if you think you can have a good, stable, life-long relationship with her, then patch things up and get married. Good luck!

To answer the original question, well, I'm not a jealous person (and I have no children to consider), but being lied to would annoy me. I think if my bf cheated on me, I'd suggest that we try having an open relationship. My flatmate is in an open relationship, and it suits him, his girlfriends, and his girlfriend's other boyfriend! Sure, it's not for everyone, but it works for them.


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## Amalia (Feb 27, 2009)

del


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## MsShyKenz (Jul 18, 2008)

blah


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

No, I wouldn't stay. Being cheated on is a big fear of mine because I know there are way better girls out there than me. I couldn't take that fear coming true. I just want to be thought of as the best by one person. Even those with low self-esteem need to do what is right for them in these situations and realize they're capable of more than a cheater.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

I'd have no problem with this, as long as she brought me back a recording.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

Impossible


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

Absolutely not. 

I'm willing to put up with a lot of things but cheating (serious cheating, not just randomly flirting with another girl here or there) is definitely not one of them. I'd rather be alone.


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## Celerian (Dec 17, 2008)

Madison_Rose said:


> Oh, poor you, what an awful situation to be in. And you have a three year old child together? That complicates things.
> 
> As someone who was deeply hurt my my parents divorce and the subsequent fallout, I beg you to listen to what I say for the sake of your child. If you judge that your fiancee may not be trustworthy, try to forgive her and leave her now, while your child is still too young to fully understand. Please don't hate her, please don't ever badmouth her to your child, or use the child as a weapon, a thing to be stolen, or a bargaining chip. I'm sorry if you're offended by the suggestion that you might do this, but it happened to me. Try to stay friendly with her if possible, or at least civil.
> 
> ...


Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear. He's only 15 months. We've been together for 3 years. I'm perfectly willing to forgive, forget, and move past it, but she's the one who's undecided. She's 19 and feeling trapped, and somehow, this is her way of figuring it all out. For all three years I've done nothing but love her, but unfortunately, she couldn't tell because I was drugged up with Zoloft. She thinks that now I'm acting more emotional because I'm afraid of losing her, which isn't completely the case. I did get more emotional, because the emotions were stronger than the meds. Now I'm off of the Zoloft (12 days!) and feeling more like myself every day. She still tends to act very distant and undecided in what she wants. She just wants space, and I'm trying very hard to give her that. I just wish she could see that everything she does is driving a knife into my heart and I'm mostly afraid that if she does come around, I may have given up. As much as this is a time for her to make a life changing decision, its also a test of my perserverance, strength, and devotion.

I know what she did wasn't right by any means, but I'm not completely without wrongs myself. I can forgive her, and hopefully she can forgive me and we can both be stronger because of it. The worst part is the waiting and trying not to make her angry (which right now seems to happen all the time). Also, I now hate sleeping alone, so the nights have been pretty hard.

And to address your other statement, I've already committed to myself that no matter the outcome, my son is still going to know that we both love him. I'm not going to speak bad of her, and I would hope she would not speak poorly of me. None of this is his fault, and he doesn't need to go through life thinking it is.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I don't know what i would do. It's hard to build trust again when it's broken that way.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I don't know, it would be easy to say that I would leave her immediately and never trust her again if she cheated on me, but I think every situation is different. People do make mistakes, every relationship is a bit different, I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. People cheat for a lot of reasons, and it can be rather complicated.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Bredwh said:


> It would depend on how hot they were and how desperate I was.


heh.


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## Prism (Dec 17, 2004)

It is my personal opinion that anyone who stays with a cheater (making out IS cheating) is a weenie. Plain and simple.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Well, somebody has to be a weenie around here.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

It depends. If it was just sex and I cared about the person, I probably would stay. Then again, I don't think I would be all that bothered if my partner had sex with someone else, as long as I was made aware of those desires beforehand (and was informed both before and after), and the person cared enough about not contaminating me to routinely check for STDs. It's the blatant deception, lying by omission, and tip-toeing around that would piss me off. My view is that if my partner wants something, just come out and tell me; we can work something out to get you whatever you're lacking, and I would expect the same courtesy. Just don't try to get away with sh*t, because you probably won't.


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## lissette (Jan 20, 2009)

i hope not. My dad cheated on my mom and it really affected me as a child. My mom stayed with my dad but I hope that i would have the strength to leave. I deserve better than that.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

Prodigal Son said:


> heh.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

no. I wont tolerate it.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

Kicked his butt to the curb.


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## cherise (Mar 1, 2009)

I guess it would depend on the person and their charcter in general. But I have stayed with those kind of people just to have somebody. In the end it is not worth it, it can make you feel bad about yourself when you shouldn't. It's a tough decision though when you just want someone around, but nobody deserves that treatment, and it really can ware you down. It was a good decision to be done with that person.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

For me it would depend much on the status of the relationship.

If my current partner ever did that to me (though I'm reasonably sure he wouldn't) I would, as we have been together for a long time now and - while we have our ups and downs - are both committed to making the relationship work as best we can.

On the other hand if it ever happened in the future that I was single again, then happened to meet someone new, started a relationship with them - only to discover that within days/weeks they cheated on me with someone else then I would probably end things.


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## golden (Feb 17, 2009)

no, they will only do it again...I have friends that cheat


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

No. This is one thing that would force me to move on.


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## cherise (Mar 1, 2009)

It doesnt mean, to me, you are a weenie in response to Prism. I don't agree, cuz people make millions of mistakes and grow at different speeds. People mess up, but wether they learned from it or not is what to assess. I have been cheated on and left those people, but when someone is worth forgiving they just are, if someone is that one you want forever you make things work if they really are done with that mess. That person is rare and far between though. When you stay with someone who cheats in most cases its a bad decision, but it doesn't mean your a weenie, just that you could've been too hopeful and that you are human. Live and learn


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## ssmcivicsi (Jun 16, 2005)

It depends on the situation; but I will say this though, if I did stay with the person, I'd be A LOT more likely to cheat myself if the opportunity presented itself. I'd also be a lot less likely to take the relationship seriously.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Nope. I would leave and I wouldnt ever look back.

I know myself too well to think that I could live with that. I ended my first marriage in part because of that.


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