# My girlfriend wants to move (and i'm scared)



## Vicboss (Sep 27, 2013)

Don't know where to post this exactly, I would in the relationship forum but it deals a lot deeper than just that.

Anyways I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year. She's a pretty successful student and is very busy doing extra curricular activities and working. We've discussed a few times about the possibility of her moving when she graduates. Well that is coming sooner than later (may). Every time we've discussed it in the past she's always pushed away from the subject, as nothing has really been definite on what she wants to do. Well recently she brought the subject up on her own, which came as a shock to me. What was even more shocking is it seemed she was committed to a specific time frame and place to live. I've talked about maybe following her, but I also explained that I would need to be prepared to leave. She's told me repeatedly that she wants me to go with her and be a part of her life. But leaving my family and friends behind is a big deal for me. 

We both have our parents and majority of our families here at home. I also just began a career where I'm making the first good money of my life, and I'm only days away from graduating and starting a second career in real estate part time. She wants to leave in less than a years time, and I'm scared to leave something so good that I have here for something that is extremely unpredictable. My other glaring issue is that she wants to move to Seattle where her brothers are. We said we would try to discuss somewhere that would be suitable for both us, but it seems she's made up her mind. I find this kind of selfish as I have no family or friends in Seattle. I also really have no desire to be there (sorry for anyone who lives in Seattle). I don't like the climate, and nothing really draws me to that city. 

I really love this girl! And for the first time have been in a relationship with someone I trust. I don't really want to end something that I never wanted to end in the first place, but I'm scared I can't convince her to wait. She thinks if she doesn't leave now she never will. 

Thanks for hearing my story, and I would love to hear your advice. This has been a huge cloud over my head for the last few months, and now it's just growing bigger making it almost too hard to function.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Oh dear.

You have to weigh the pros and cons, and then do what's best for *you*. If what you want is completely different from what *she* wants, well...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Yep - write things out if you have to.


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## Vicboss (Sep 27, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> Oh dear.
> 
> You have to weigh the pros and cons, and then do what's best for *you*. If what you want is completely different from what *she* wants, well...


 I know what you mean... The realization that I may have to walk away really bothers me though. Relationships never really affected me like this one has.



millenniumman75 said:


> Yep - write things out if you have to.


I'm sorry could you maybe elaborate more for me. What should I write down?


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## oscine (Sep 22, 2013)

Vicboss said:


> We said we would try to discuss somewhere that would be suitable for both us, but it seems she's made up her mind. I find this kind of selfish as I have no family or friends in Seattle.


I agree. It is selfish of her to expect you to uproot yourself and leave your family and friends behind while she is content to have her brothers nearby.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Think about_ your _needs, not hers. Even if she does want to spend her life with you, she should be accepting that such a thing has to be thought over and that your happiness comes first.


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## kittyteak (Mar 26, 2012)

I think you will be unhappy and ultimately resent her for it. Let her go.... there will be others.


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## Ramondo (Feb 16, 2011)

My gut instinct - let her go. If you follow her to Seattle, and she finds another boyfriend there, what have you got left?


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

Maybe you can have a LDR for a while and follow her later on when the timing suits you better, or vice versa if she's unhappy there. This could also be like a test. If it doesn't last maybe it's for the best.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

If you don't want to move, then don't. And you can't force her to stay either if she doesn't want to.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

No one can tell you what to do an what's right or wrong for you and as said a few times earlier do the pros and cons thing 
Me personally I would go because worst case you can always return and you never know what's around the corner or if this opportunity is leading you to something 
I've made sacrifices in the past for a girlfriend which led to things I would have never experienced otherwise and had a girlfriend do some sacrificing for me which led her to a successful career 
Again you can always return at worst case you lose a bit of time out of your life but you could also gain so much more 
Who knows 
Good luck in your decision


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## Vicboss (Sep 27, 2013)

I appreciate all of your responses.

Moving isn't really something that bothers me. I'd be willing, but only if I'd be happy too. I know I'm smart enough to make that decision.

What really bothers me is how to approach her when discussing it. I've tried to talk to her about what could happen in the future, and the conversation always ends sour. She's not one to talk about her feelings much, and nothing ever leads to a straight answer. She always seems to get upset. What can I do to approach that conversation?


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Vicboss said:


> I appreciate all of your responses.
> 
> Moving isn't really something that bothers me. I'd be willing, but only if I'd be happy too. I know I'm smart enough to make that decision.
> 
> What really bothers me is how to approach her when discussing it. I've tried to talk to her about what could happen in the future, and the conversation always ends sour. She's not one to talk about her feelings much, and nothing ever leads to a straight answer. She always seems to get upset. What can I do to approach that conversation?


There is many things that could happen in the future so worry about those things when they happen 
Just let things run their corse and go with it
Just ask your question to her if she doesn't want to answer straight away it's probably because she's not sure or hasn't thought about it so don't push the point she'll let you know later and if not ask if she's given it any thought don't push to hard talking about feelings takes little steps


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