# Anyone find a soul mate through dating sites?



## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

Like, how are you supposed to gage whether or not you might have chemistry or a desire to be with someone based on a picture and a small bio? When I was in high school and had somewhat of a social life, I would meet girls through friends and immediately know if I would have any interest in them or not. With dating sites you can chat all you want, but until you go on a date you really have no idea if there is a connection. It just seems like a much harder way to find a soul mate and the field is much smaller too. Have any of you people had success?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No, but I had long-term relationships with guys I met at nightclubs.


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

komorikun said:


> No, but I had long-term relationships with guys I met at nightclubs.


Interesting, I always thought bars and nightclubs were one night stand traps


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

cubsfandave said:


> Interesting, I always thought bars and nightclubs were one night stand traps


For the most part, yeah. But because you can meet way more guys/girls on the prowl in one night than in 6 months of normal day-to-day life, going out to bars significantly increases your odds of finding a relationship (not just fast sex).


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

karenw said:


> Nope I've had relationships this way. How do you expect to meet someone? I hope it's not the supermarket.


You mean I can't pickup a chick in the deli section? LOL


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

​


komorikun said:


> For the most part, yeah. But because you can meet way more guys/girls on the prowl in one night than in 6 months of normal day-to-day life, going out to bars significantly increases your odds of finding a relationship (not just fast sex).


So, when you went to clubs did you approach guys or did they approach you? Was it awkward or ok?


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@cubsfandave

There are some dating websites where can set up events. Going to events to just have a fun night out is where most meet and eventually go on a date.

Can use dating sites the other way (the way you mentioned). That is where look at photo, read bio, then message to create a coffee date as most call it.

That way people use the 3x message rule, where don't ask out in 3x messages, then next.

Meeting people through friends or going places is the way I did it too, as can see peoples expressions, reactions to what you say, etc.


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## llodell88 (May 15, 2011)

I agree with your perspective on dating sites but I guess you don't know until you try and it's not like there aren't tons of people who find people on those sites. Personally I've never tried lol, I just never saw anything that looked interesting to me when I did look at them. In person lots of people are interesting though.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Soulmate :lol

Ah man, I'm becoming way too cynical.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

I don't believe in soulmates, but I always wondered: is there a point investing in dating sites if you're an unattractive straight male in your thirties? I feel it might be a good idea because of my general lack of dating experience, but from what I read about my 'kind' there's very little hope.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

*Checks username and lets out a laugh*


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*her*

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=693455357


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Soulmate :lol
> 
> Ah man, I'm becoming way too cynical.


I had the same reaction lol.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Dating sites seem just as artificial as dating strangers irl tbh. Like you kind of mentioned, it feels more natural dating acquaintances or friends you've been around for a while because you already know that they have seen your weird quirks and flaws yet still accept you for it. Dating strangers in any form is exhausting because you feel pressured to restrain yourself from doing or saying anything that might be considered impolite or poor in etiquette (unless you are at a date involving massive amounts of alcohol or at a bar/ club). Otherwise good luck getting a second date because you just ****ed up your first impression. 

If there's any success I have had starting an online relationship, it was usually through forums or online gaming because you and the other person are already connecting using a shared interest.


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Dating sites seem just as artificial as dating strangers irl tbh. Like you kind of mentioned, it feels more natural dating acquaintances or friends you've been around for a while because you already know that they have seen your weird quirks and flaws yet still accept you for it. Dating strangers in any form is exhausting because you feel pressured to restrain yourself from doing or saying anything that might be considered impolite or poor in etiquette (unless you are at a date involving massive amounts of alcohol or at a bar/ club). Otherwise good luck getting a second date because you just ****ed up your first impression.
> 
> If there's any success I have had starting an online relationship, it was usually through forums or online gaming because you and the other person are already connecting using a shared interest.


 @acidicwithpanic Yup, exactly. I hate writing a profile on dating sites because you have choices: Make no mention of your anxiety and then pray that they are ok with your flaws. Or mention it and come off as some crazy person or something and get no responses.

Meeting people naturally though friends gives you clues to whether you are a good match with the anxiety factor etc. It's not at stressful too because you slowly get to know each other.



Eternal Solitude said:


> *Checks username and lets out a laugh*


 @Eternal Solitude thanks for your compassion.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

cubsfandave said:


> Thanks for your compassion.


Sorry Dave nothing against you or the cubs that comment was directed at myself :wink2:


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

Eternal Solitude said:


> Sorry Dave nothing against you or the cubs that comment was directed at myself :wink2:


Oh, I misunderstood. No prob


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

cubsfandave said:


> ​
> So, when you went to clubs did you approach guys or did they approach you? Was it awkward or ok?


Usually the guys would approach me. But of the 4 relationships I had, 2 were where I approached or with the help of a friend. Even with the guys who approached me, I wasn't just standing there passively. I walked around the club (by myself most of time) to look for a guy who was my type and then I'd plant myself in his vicinity and if possible give him the eyes.

It would have been very awkward had I been sober. Alcohol really helps. And this was all when I was living abroad. I've only gone clubbing in the US a handful of times. Wouldn't have the balls to do that here.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

@komorikun. why not hook up with someone here? havent you tried that?


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

cubsfandave said:


> Meeting people naturally though friends gives you clues to whether you are a good match with the anxiety factor etc. It's not at stressful too because you slowly get to know each other.


Plus I think with online dating having been normalized, people seem to be even more impatient when getting to know someone. It's like they expect every important detail of your life to be posted on your profile and exchanged through just a week's worth of messages. I think I remember reading numerous studies somewhere that social media has shown evidence of lowering people's attention spans, so I think we're all at a real disadvantage here with dating sites/apps. Seems like everyone rushes dating and relationships nowadays, that when you open up at a pace that is too slow for them, they grow impatient as hell and end up losing interest. Which is why meeting people irl is easier for a lot of us with SA.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

No. Majority of the people on dating sites are not really looking for a serious relationship. Personally from what I have seen or know in every couples that got married or that are in a long term stable relationship, all of them met through friends, friends of friends or met through a social circle. Online dating, blind dating, people you meet in bars, clubs or in 1 on 1 situations spur of the moment situations, I have not seen any of them being any more than a casual fling. A one off fling. 

If you are looking to get into a serious relationship with someone, meet them through friends or a social circle. People that hook up outside of these social avenues usually are not looking for serious relationships. Or there is something about them that inhibits them from being able to meet others through social circles. People like that, there is usually something about them that makes them non long term serious relationship material regardless. 

This is why it is essential to have a social circle. The older you wait and the older you are by not having one, the harder it is to find one. Not having a social circle, it will greatly hinder your ability to ever find anyone with ideal serious relationship potential. Friends are your social foundation to just about everything in life. Romance opportunities, career opportunities, financial opportunities. A lot of things. This is the modern reality. Social media makes this more so. You are vastly judged by how big your social network is. The more friends you have, the more appealing and better you are looked at as a person as a whole. For people with social anxiety with little to no friends, this could be a nightmare.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

If you mention the word 'soul mate' then it might turn others off, especially if they are way over that word/meaning. If you're high on Prozac with zero dating experience then of course you're going to believe in all these fairy tales you've only heard of but never experienced. God knows what others thought of me when they heard me over-use that word I only heard in society. The only soul mate you'll ever truly find is in yourself. Why put your whole self out for someone else when the only reason others pretend to like you or have anything to do with you is for sexual purposes only? The human mind is something man.


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## clarkekent (Dec 2, 2015)

I have no soul.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

The point of dating sites is to increase your exposure to people you can meet, only once you then meet do you realise if it'll go further or not. 

I'm perplexed why so many people think dating sites are some magic thing which tells you if you've met your soul mate before you even meet.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

I found my soul (wasting time), mate.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I found something nice that lasted 3 months. so that's something.


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## Red2N (Oct 7, 2017)

Well, I met my current partner on a dating site. Definitely worth a shot.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Anyone perfectly suited to date me is also smart enough to avoid me. Bit of a catch-22.


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

Dating sites are a waste of time and are made for those who can't control their lust. 

Yes, there are good people that might be looking for conversations, but it's like 1/10 and the amount of disgusting, annoying daddies or just pervs with their wiener picks you'll see (especially if you're a straight female or a gay/bi male) is just terrible and damaging to your mental health, even if someone doesn't have any anxiety. 
I mean, I've tried to talk to probably around 300 people, maybe even more and I found only 2-3 that were at least willing to have a normal conversation without silently waiting for me to send them a date request.

Dating sites are like night clubs. Dirty and filled with perverted air.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I think the tried and true method is to meet through friends of friends or recommendations or some such. You can only connect so much online and even when you connect online, you have to take it to even further steps and then you might start back to square one. So.. I dunno. I would not suggest dating in the workplace however. A lot of "dating" is usually talking and getting a feel for whether you dig this person in real life, or whether they dig you or not. Kind of like middle school. You have to circle a yes or no. And be strong because most times, they'll just play somewhere else and get crushes on other people. And forget to circle that yes or no.


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## Nick Attwell (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes; we met online


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

only worked once, 10 years ago. had some dates and hookups and made a friend since then.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I haven't tried so no.


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Dating sites seem just as artificial as dating strangers irl tbh. Like you kind of mentioned, it feels more natural dating acquaintances or friends you've been around for a while because you already know that they have seen your weird quirks and flaws yet still accept you for it. Dating strangers in any form is exhausting because you feel pressured to restrain yourself from doing or saying anything that might be considered impolite or poor in etiquette (unless you are at a date involving massive amounts of alcohol or at a bar/ club). Otherwise good luck getting a second date because you just ****ed up your first impression.
> 
> If there's any success I have had starting an online relationship, it was usually through forums or online gaming because you and the other person are already connecting using a shared interest.


You know, I never thought about it that deep ..but you make a very good point :yes it is a lot easier to date someone you already know pretty well ..but the downside is that ..I feel some of that is by luck, not everyone's friend will be their lover, & you'll be lucky if you can find someone who you share a connection with, whether it be on SAS or another site that shares common interests.


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## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

Nah but someone on there did recommend me a great pizza place, so that was a positive I guess. So now I'm eating pizza all alone  (please feel sorry for me)


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

I tried once but realized being attractive is a prerequisite to using those sties. I quickly deleted my account.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

For me it worked after a long time. I met a lot of jerks and weirdos through dating apps, but in the end I finally met the one and we've been together over a year now. :mushy Sometimes it just takes a while.


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