# Waiting Until Marriage....



## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a *jerk *like that)


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Absolutely not; I'd hit the bricks, and no one should be made to feel bad for doing the same. I'd tell her that I respect her decision (even though I don't) but that we're just incompatible on that front. Let me revise that -- I respect someone's right to make a huge decision like that and admire them for being able to hold onto a conviction, but I believe this one is essentially foolish and will turn out badly. And just for me personally, in my situation, I'm never getting married and believe that only bad things come from marriage. So if I want to have sex, it'd have to be as a single with a single.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

If I was a normal person socially, I'd move on, but considering I'm a 29 year old virgin with no hope, I'd probably be inclined to hang on for dear life to whatever comes my way. Waiting for marriage sounds better than having nothing at all for the rest of my life.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Durrr, but sex only means vaginal sex! (So anal is okay? :idea)

Well, at least that seems to be what people refer to when they said 'no sex before marriage' so initially I would have said "maybe" but you decided to be a dick soo I don't know if my answer would be the same :b

Sex is certainly not the most important thing in a relationship, but abstaining from doing any sort of sexual activity past making out would result in a lot of turmoil and frustration (both sexual and emotional). I'm sure it'd probably make me feel really bad and guilty too. I also believe it's very important to know whether you are sexually compatible with your partner BEFORE you marry them. As much as they don't want it to, people don't realize how much it can mess up a marriage when there is no sexual chemistry between them, if they want different things and refuse to reciprocate (etc).


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> Sex is certainly not the most important thing in a relationship, but abstaining from doing any sort of sexual activity past making out would result in a lot of turmoil and frustration (both sexual and emotional). I'm sure it'd probably make me feel really bad and guilty too. I also believe it's very important to know whether you are sexually compatible with your partner BEFORE you marry them. As much as they don't want it to, people don't realize how much it can mess up a marriage when there is no sexual chemistry between them, if they want different things and refuse to reciprocate (etc).


I totally agree. Sex is absolutely not the most important thing in a relationship for me, but I think that if my other half refused to have sex with me unless we were married, it would probably be the cause of a lot of frustration. I respect that other people have their values and all, but to me, the whole idea of waiting until marriage just doesn't make sense. Sexual incompatibility is definately a very real, and serious, problem for some couples and I'd hate to wait until my marriage night to find out that there was a massive problem with things in that department! I also see nothing wrong about having sex outside of marriage so long as you're both sensible about it, so I'd be a bit peeved if the person I loved wanted us to miss out on that aspect of a relationship. Having a bit of paper with our names on wouldn't make the way I feel about my boyfriend any more special or my commitment to him any stronger than it is now.

Whether or not it would be a dealbreaker I don't know. I really can't imagine breaking up with anybody who I truly loved for anything other than an absolutely major reason, but I do think that if our views on sex before marriage clashed in such a big way, there might be some problems. Part of that comes down to me not being sure that I ever want to get married anyway, so what would that mean... no sex ever? Even if we were completely in love? :sigh


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## Cyrus (Oct 25, 2009)

I don't think I could do that no.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Yeah, I'd say that it's good for them, doing something so honorable, or w/e you want to call it.... heh. But for me, even if you're the most compatible personality I've ever met, and physically dynamite, the situation would become a big mental hurdle that I couldn't overcome. I wouldn't be able to comprehend how you can get to know someone so well emotionally, and yet hold off on all the sexual components of a relationship (even if it is for religious purposes, I still wouldn't be able to accept it).

That and I don't want to invest my time in someone and then find out they didn't want to get married to me later on. The relationship wouldn't necessarily be a total waste of time, but it means you have been held back tremendously in terms of sexual mileage, and at least to a guy that's a slap in the face.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'd most likely move on. What kind of a person waits without some type of problem or something they are holding back? Let's face it, you get with the opposite sex to have SEX.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

If that is what someone wants to do (wait until marraige) its their prerogative and I respect it but it would have never worked for me. :stu


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## therealone (Apr 18, 2009)

I believe that sex before marriage is wrong....


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Two things:

1. I think sex is an important part of any marriage or romantic relationship (without sex, a couple would be "just friends" or "cuddle buddies," which is usually not not fair to at least one partner when there is sexual attraction there). If we don't have sex before marriage, how would we know we're sexually compatible? Frankly, I think sexual compatibility is a fairly big part of overall compatibility.

2. If I want to have sex with her, but she refuses altogether me for years on end, I might take it as a disregard for my needs. I don't mind waiting, but I do have needs, and if she refuses to fulfill them, eventually, I will be pretty hurt. If she doesn't at least throw me a bone (both figuratively and literally) with at least sexual acts that don't involve penetration, then I'd probably think that she doesn't really care about me, and move on.


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

BetaBoy90 said:


> This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a dick like that)


It's really upto you, what other people think shouldn't mean anything in your decision to stay or go.

If her values aren't important to you, move on. But if you think it could work, try.


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

Heck no...withhold sex = dysfunctional relationship on its way.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yes, I would. Maybe I'm a bit strange in saying so, but sex isn't that important to me.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I would wait for HIM, if he was great and I believed there's a damn good chance he could be the one. It's bit too late for me on that one lol, and personally I feel after dating couple months, if you're inlove and feel comfortable (2 very important things!!!) than sex is ok, imo.


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

I am that person who wants to wait for marriage. This reduces my dating pool by a crapload, but I'm not willing to lower my standards for anyone.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I don't think the lack of sex would be much of an issue for me... the idea of sex scares me a bit and having a companion would be way more important. The problem would be that anyone with such a rule is likely to be extremely religious and/or conservative, which would make her incompatible with me.



BetaBoy90 said:


> I'd say that it's good for them, doing something so honorable


So I'm basically the opposite of this. I'm okay with the lack of sex but I think the person who would have a no sex before marriage rule is morally suspect and bound to offend me with lots of her beliefs. And the marriage/sex rule is itself an anachronism that probably made sense before birth control methods existed but doesn't now, so I'd think less of someone who holds onto it when it's clearly expired.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

yeah i would wait, personally i don't want someone who has been around the block alot. if i was attracted to a person and found out they had sex with more that 3 people it would be a big turn off to me (not a deal breaker if that is the norm nowadays just a big turnoff).


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Well in this day waiting until marriage could be 5 years. I dont know about that. 
But if she is all you described her as then yes I would.. but I doubt I would ever be in that situation.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Hoth said:


> I don't think the lack of sex would be much of an issue for me... the idea of sex scares me a bit and having a companion would be way more important. The problem would be that anyone with such a rule is likely to be extremely religious and/or conservative, which would make her incompatible with me.
> 
> So I'm basically the opposite of this. I'm okay with the lack of sex but I think the person who would have a no sex before marriage rule is morally suspect and bound to offend me with lots of her beliefs. And the marriage/sex rule is itself an anachronism that probably made sense before birth control methods existed but doesn't now, so I'd think less of someone who holds onto it when it's clearly expired.


I had these same thoughts, but he said the most compatible personality.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

.


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

If it is the perfectly right person for me? Considering how picky I am, if such a situation presented itself, of course I would wait. I think there are so many positives to having a good relationship other than sex.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Yes, I would. Maybe I'm a bit strange in saying so, but sex isn't that important to me.


I agree with this a bit. I think sex is really important and such but I don't think that marriages and relationships succeed or fail because of it... and no offense but if you think that way then I think you're a little screwed up and probably enjoy masturbation more anyway. I think most of society is sexually sick, actually...

The most important thing in a relationship is if you are patient and understanding and connect. To tell the truth the biggest thing for me in a relationship is if I don't have to keep explaining myself to someone and they just take me for what I am... and I don't have to keep impressing her and nothing ever becomes a bigger deal than it needs to be.

If I think someone is trusting enough and wiling to put the same amount of effort into the relationship that I am then that would be great.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I waited a whole year while dating my ex-boyfriend... because he was of a belief that he would not ever have sex unless he was married.... he led me on for a year letting me believe we were on track or getting on track or approaching some tracks... I share his belief in waiting... but at the end of the year when he dumped me because I was too physically affectionate... it felt as if I'd wasted a year of my life for....what????? I mean... yes, we had some great memories and some fun - in the beginning. But he always held himself above me because I wanted to kiss, hug and make out and he was convinced it was all sinful and temptation and wrong. 

I'm not saying I will have sex before I remarry or whether I will wait until I'm married again but I will never be in an unequal relationship again... that is for sure. It will all depend on the situation. OH, he was 46 years old... I was 43.

He had very high anxiety and was very repressed... a good guy on many levels but really screwed up in most that mattered.


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## El Sonador (Sep 25, 2009)

I would probably love her even more :b, I would prefer to be her first, it will definitely make me feel special, so it's only fair for me to wait too, that's why I'm one of those crazies who would prefer to wait until marriage. God knows, I had no shortage of opportunities to have sex the past few years, and I always turn them down, it's gonna be ten times better with that special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. So, yeah, I would gladly wait, sex isn't important, she is.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

When I was single, I was willing to wait for a woman who was a virgin--for either one year or until the wedding night, whichever came first. I wouldn't wait longer than a year though. I'd also want evidence that she was enthusiastic about me to wait more than 2-3 months. I wouldn't want to waste a lot of time, money and energy on her otherwise. Finally, I would not wait for a so called "born again" virgin, only the real thing.


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## izzy (Dec 18, 2009)

Probably not.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

They wouldn't be with me in the first place because I never want marriage. Waiting around for sex in any situation wouldn't make sense to me if the person was as deeply in love with me, but I've waited indefinitely for people and not thought much of it. It's not as though it's any good anyway when it happens, but if it were, it'd be a plus.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Well, I don't want to get married. So if he insisted on waiting until marriage, I guess we'd never have sex. *shrugs*


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Dry hump like crazy.


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## Ehm (Jul 21, 2009)

Hell no, now..I have no experience but I just don't see myself compatible at all with someone who believed in marriage before sex. People like that tend to piss me off. I also like the idea of that in the moment type passion and I don't really see myself as the type to get married.


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## JEmerson (Mar 25, 2010)

I would definitely wait. You're talking about the ideal person for me in basically every way. How could I possibly dump this person just because they don't want to screw around before committing to each other? I'd respect that and see where it went from there. If we're truly soulmates, we could wait to have sex.


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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

well i said i would do this until i made an oppsie mistake that i wish i could take back but o well and i defiantly would wait on someone if they wanted to wait til marriage its not a deal breaker for me...


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## ktbare (Sep 13, 2009)

No I wouldn't, I'd hate to be the first and only person someone has ever slept with. I also hate the fact that religion makes people forced to hold this rule for themselves, unless its the persons own personal belief then I respect that.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

That would be my perfect scenario because I would like it that way as well. Sex doesn't matter to me.


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## Kaine (Jul 17, 2009)

Never buy a car without test driving it.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

Supposing we were in an official courtship that was on track to marriage, I'd absolutely be willing to wait. In fact it'd be my dream come true to find a orthodox virgin to become mine and mine only.

I would not be willing to wait for a woman who's not a virgin. Nor would I be willing to wait if she was likely to reject me before tying the knot.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

BetaBoy90 said:


> This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But *they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone*, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a *jerk *like that)


#3|| YES, I'd wait it out. Considering that is the viewpoint I'd take. It'd make the courtship go a lot faster. :wink :wink Now that I am officially 35, I am starting to grow up. :lol

Test drive? Um, if the relationship is strong......all the errands are worth the practice.


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## izzy (Dec 18, 2009)

drealm said:


> In fact it'd be my dream come true to find a orthodox virgin to become mine and mine only.


:|


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## Melinda (Feb 5, 2009)

I'd say yes, but only because I'm more interested in companionship than anything else. I have almost no sex drive, and don't plan on marrying anyone--so that arrangement works out fine.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Well. Would she complain about me masturbating or watching pornography ?

I respect the whole no sex before marriage thing, I do. In any case, at the rate I am going, the first woman I have sex with, could be my future wife.

However, it is the sex drive that brings couples together in the first place.

I just had a similar discussion with a girl that I know very well, she is for no sex before marriage, no heavy patting. Yet she wants to know if I am watching porn.

It depends on how far the other person goes with her definition of 'sex' if for her 'no sex' means no patting, close contact or suggestive dancing, to the point where she freaks if I give her a light suggestive touch with a finger - then it what way are we a couple ?

I am sorry, but just as previous posters have said, it is like disregarding the needs of the other person.


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## Wehttam (Nov 6, 2009)

I would wait and respect them even more as individuals. Sex is but the temporary fulfillment of bodily urges, you can't base a relationship on it cause it lasts 2 minutes and then what? 23 hours and 58 minutes a day of boredom or mediocre conversations, it's also a phase, couple of decades tops that you feel the biggest urges after that it gets monotonous and you lose your libido as well so you're stuck with someone old, ugly and that you barely get along with. 

I respect someone for their morals and commitment to ideals, I also believe a good strong relationship is not only based on heart but mind as well. Knowing a girl waited for so long to actually 'do it' shows how committed she will be to keep the relationship alive by fighting towards making it better when things get rough instead of someone who blindly acts upon impulse of emotions/heart/libido for immediate gratification without using her mind to plan ahead...feelings and bodily impulses can only get you so far without the practicality of the mind, and the ultimate test of how strong their mind ideology is that will preserve your relationship is the demonstration of her virginity till marriage proviso.


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

Yes.

My reasons however odd, make sense to me. 

I have an utter distaste for the act of coitus. Everyone always says: "you haven't met the right person yet". I think that may indeed be the case. So if I find that perfect fit, I should have overwhelming sexual urges that are genuinely founded and don't disgust me.

If that day comes, I would be more than willing to wait knowing I had finally found "the one".


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I wouldn't care. I'm a girl, and I'm a virgin. I'd be a little disappointed, but it would also take a ton of pressure off me, and I could focus on the important aspects of our relationship.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

If I knew she honestly loved me and I honestly loved her, absolutely. Not to say I wouldn't try to change her mind, of course. But I'd never abandon the relationship over something like that.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> If I knew she honestly loved me and I honestly loved her, absolutely. Not to say I wouldn't try to change her mind, of course. But I'd never abandon the relationship over something like that.


This. I have no interest in getting married and can't see myself being with someone who would want to, but all that aside I would be perfectly understanding if he felt that way. That's the last thing I would end the relationship over.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

> This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a *jerk *like that)


The problem is you just described 2 mutually exclusive situations. If someone is the ideal match for me and most who said no to this then they are not the type to wait for marriage. Someone with such differences is not going to be a good match in other ways as well. There is never just 1 individual thing that makes a couple break up. There can be one thing that stands out but when it comes down to it the personality type that causes that one thing is the problem and there will lots of little issues there as well.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

Nope. I don't agree with that decision. It's a personal choice, and if that's what he wants to do then so be it, but that's not something I would do. We would obviously not have very much in common.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

and also I wouldn't want to be with a virgin, anyway. no offense to anyone, but I have slept with a certain number of men, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with a virgin.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

yes i would.


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## velvet1 (Aug 11, 2010)

I would respect his decision, even if I don't get the chance to marry the person. Its kind of refreshing to find a guy that doesn't think sex is the only thing to complete a relationship or the first thing like society makes out to be. You the know stereotype that they say guys only like eating, sports, beer and sex. Whenever I hear that it makes me cringe.


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## LuxAeterna (Aug 13, 2010)

I would move on.


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## ktbare (Sep 13, 2009)

Honestly no I don't think I could do it. I need to be sexually compatible with a person too, sex is important to me and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

mcmuffinme said:


> I wouldn't care. I'm a girl, and I'm a virgin. I'd be a little disappointed, but it would also take a ton of pressure off me, and I could focus on the important aspects of our relationship.


 Same here.


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

I'm the type of person who would rather be together for a very long time, maybe have a couple of babies and *maybe* one day get married-- so this whole; wait until marriage before sex thing doesn't really suit my lifestyle choice. 
I'm not so sure if I would stay with a person with whom I didn't have a sexual connection with.

...what would I know though? I've only been in one relationship before.
Perhaps I would change my mind. Maybe, maybe not.
A person must be very committed to their faith to stick to a vow like that; that is great for them! I'm sure a person who is so committed to their faith would prefer to be with someone of a similar faith though... and that person is not me.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I dont think i could do it i mean if she was the perfect girl for me she'd be into having sex lol. But on the other hand if she was perfect in every other way minus the sex itd be interesting I'm really not sure what I'd do, the lack of sex isn't the isssue Its just the unknown of is the sex gonna be good and if your gonna marry someone it had better be because i dont believe in cheating.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

I havent crossed many men who want to wait till marriage.....it's always usually the girls who are too frightened or something. lol

How could you be tremendously close to a person and not even take it step forward.
Lets say if you were together for 2 or 3 years..planned to get married and you haven't even been close sexually in the past 2/3 years you were together...thats kinda messed up.
But I accept other people's opinions and values..tho everyones different.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Don't you want to test drive the Ferrari before buying it?

I know it's simplistic thinking and it can be more complicated than that, but I think intimacy can play a big part in a relationship. I would rather know that part of it beforehand rather than after the marriage.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I believe I could wait for marriage, BUT only if the communication was good enough between us to know we would be sexually compatible. Same wants, needs, desires, ect. I think just jumping in without knowing you're compatible would be too risky and likely to fail.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

It all depends on the person, if they are adament about no sex before marriage then you should respect their beleifs. If you truley love one another it will be worth waiting.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

BetaBoy90 said:


> This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a *jerk *like that)


I don't think so. Sex is part of a relationship for me. I know some couples, more so older people don't have sex and they are happy. Yet, for me I would eventually want sex and to know we are happy, compatible in that respect. Contrary to how my attitude may appear from that statement it's actually really not that great deal of importance, just part of the package. I think I have reasonable patience and manners too.

Oh and if anyone didn't want to do so because of religious reasons then it's unlikely I would be in a relationship with them in the first place if that kind of reasoning runs their thought. Sorry and no offence to religious people but I'm just from another planet like that, I hate doctrine fed thinking.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I ain't givin' my ALL to a girl who won't commit.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

No. You have to know that you have good sexual chemistry if you marry someone. I would not wait.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I'm posting in this thread because I'm kinda worried I might have this issue in the near future.

The guy I like is at least relatively religious, and just from conversations I have had with him I am wondering if he would oppose sex before marriage.

Seeing as I have NO desire to ever marry, I have no idea what I would do. This is after I have seduced him with my feminine wiles and all. I think I would at least try and date him for a while and see if this was something I could really see long term. But I suppose it would eventually be a deal breaker, since I would like to have sex again eventually, and if I never plan to get married...


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

I never understood the sexual compatibility issue. It would be hard to not know whether or not you're sexually compatible with someone, unless you never talk about your likes and dislikes, what you're willing to do and not to do when it comes to sex. It's important to also clarify what each person considers sex. For me, it it involves genitals and an orifice it's sex (anal, vaginal, oral). If both people are completely open to whatever then you're a go. If both people are not down for whatever or certain things are out of the question, then there might be problems. I've never had sex, but I _know_ there are certain things I can't stomach.

Waiting until marriage isn't about having a piece of paper or Jesus (even though I am Christian), but it's about being completely sure of the person I'm with, that if I believe that he is someone that can be loyal and truthful to me, that he can be the kind of person that would make a good father for my child/children. If I ever get that far (marriage) with a guy, it would be that he has particular qualities that I like (is honest, intelligent, loving, kind, compassionate, hard-working, etc...), that he loves me and is in running for being a good father. I would love the meet the kind of guy that even if we didn't stay married forever, that I could count on him almost being there for his child/children. This is _extremely_ important if there is an unexpected pregnancy. I would like to get married and/or have children, that's the plan so far (though I'm worried I may not be good at either).
Besides all that, I'm not completely mentally ready for sex. I still haven't gotten over the idea of sharing my body with someone and don't like the kind of sexual obligation expected in relationships.

I'm not extremely religious, though I'm spiritual. I'm not conservative either, well _sort_ of in the sex department.


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## THEO (Aug 17, 2010)

im 24 and still a virgin, it was my plan to wait until marriage.
but now I realize that just isnt going to work, and im not willing to wait much longer. 
I want to find a good girl I can connect with and feel comfortable sharing my feelings with. (for me thats really hard) 
I definitely dont want to have sex with some **** just to satisfy my curiosity.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

It wouldn't be the waiting issue for me, but rather I simply can't imagine a woman who holds such a view could possibly share my fundamental world view.

This whole wait till marriage non-sense (which would likely offend her if I said that) is strongly linked to religion. You're not going to find many people more openly hostile to religion than myself.

Is a religious woman going to want to be with a man who within the last couple weeks test fired two rounds into my "holey" book to make sure a gun functioned properly after I field stripped it (and took half a week to get it back together)? Or who closed a checking account taking the $2,800 balance in $20 bills and then proceeded to remove the g** from the back of each of the 140 bills?

This same man has tossed in the trash anything even remotely religious, including any x-mas decorations that remained.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

millenniumman75 said:


> I ain't givin' my ALL to a girl who won't commit.


How long are you willing to wait? Till age 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 70?:stu

This whole "wait till marriage" thing seems to strongly promote young marriage. Not so hard to wait when you'll be married within weeks of HS graduation. Waiting not quite so feasible when you're middle-aged.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

I don't think I would stay with them. That's too much of a wait, I think. Sex isn't everything, but I think being intimate with your partner is an important part of a romantic relationship. But what do I know about relationships? Ha! :stu


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

UltraShy said:


> How long are you willing to wait? Till age 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, 70?:stu
> 
> This whole "wait till marriage" thing seems to strongly promote young marriage. Not so hard to wait when you'll be married within weeks of HS graduation. Waiting not quite so feasible when you're middle-aged.


I suppose it would, but I'll be 26 next month and don't feel and urge to have sex or marry. I didn't have any urges to _have_ sex when I was younger either. I may marry and I may not, but I want some stability before sex...I've always felt it to be so risky. I don't even know if what I've typed has anything to do with what you said...oh well....


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Melinda said:


> I'd say yes, but only because I'm more interested in companionship than anything else. I have almost no sex drive, and don't plan on marrying anyone--so that arrangement works out fine.


There's a ton of people like you. There's asexual singles sites.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

aye. I'd be ok with waiting it oot. Ney bother!  
It never seemed ta bother me fer the first 18 years of me life so I know i can do it! :b


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

Why commit to buy a car before you test drive it, kick the tires and make sure its the right fit? It doesnt make sense. All the love in the world you have wont magically make you sexually compatible with the other person, you need to know how you "mesh" before such a life-long commitment as marriage. I think people who wait for marriage are making and big and naïve mistake.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

veron said:


> Well, I don't want to get married. So if he insisted on waiting until marriage, I guess we'd never have sex. *shrugs*


Lol. That's pretty simple :lol


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

ohpewp said:


> Dry hump like crazy.


True, but in my sad pathetic case it's make-love-to-pillow, or have some pleasant dreams :lol


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## Amber78 (Jun 25, 2010)

The waiting thing never appealed to me but to each his own.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Since I'm also waiting for marriage, I would wait.


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## An Alternate Love (Sep 29, 2010)

BetaBoy90 said:


> This is just a question, no real life scenarios going on here. But say if you met someone who is the most compatible person you've ever met, your personalities match and he/she is also your ideal physically attractive person. But they said they wanted to wait until marriage before they will have sex with anyone, would you wait it out, with no guarantee of even getting married to this person? ( I'm also including no oral because I'm a *jerk *like that)


Yes, because get over it, relationships aren't about sex ffs.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Kicking the tires and going for a test drive ages the car automatically.

.....half the fun of being in the relationship first is that you know each other before giving your all. At that point, practice makes perfect.


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

Er, most people get married because they love each other, and are willing to work through their hardships to maintain their relationship, correct? If that's the case (and correct me if I'm wrong), why is sex so important? I've never understood why everybody seems to be bat-crap insane over sex. 

And yes, I'm waiting for marriage before sex. And if that never happens, I'll never have sex. Not a big deal for me, really.

Anyway, dumping someone because they won't "do it" before the wedding day seems kind of shallow. Like, the whole reason they were interested in the first place was instant gratification (sexually, emotionally, etc.). Seems a little too self-centered if you're serious about a relationship.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Waiting for marriage to have sex can be a good or bad thing. It can be a good thing if you view it as saving that wonderful feeling and your ability to give it for the one you love. It can be bad if you expect to _receive_ the greatest sex ever from the one you love on your wedding night. Saving that ability to feel that really good feeling can help strengthen that bond if that great feeling is only associated with one person, and not the ten other people you could have bonked previously.

If your intention is right, and you're not just doing it to avoid hellfire or STDs, but because you genuinely only want to experience the wonderful feeling of love and sex combined with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, I can see the merit in that.

Too many people probably do it out of a motivation to please their community and avoid hellfire. They don't do it for any substantive reason. Once again, the original motivation for saving yourself for marriage was probably screwed over by silly dogma and superstition, but I don't really know if that's the case.


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## april showers (Jun 27, 2009)

Okay, I'm going slightly off-topic but I'm tired of the whole "test drive" analogy that people use. Look, when you test drive a car it doesn't guarantee that it's going to drive the same way in five, ten, or more years. Same goes for sex, just because you're sexually compatible with someone now doesn't guarantee that the sex is going to be the same years later. Life happens after being in a marriage and things like stress, medication, health, work, new interests, ect. will affect a person's sexual libido, interests, or ability down the road. 

I'm not saying that sex before marriage is bad, just that it's no more of a guarantee of consistent sexual compatibility than not having it. I think at the end of the day people should do what makes them happy and comfortable for whatever reason, and not be judged for it whether it's waiting or not.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

For all the guys at least who are saying oh yes of course I am going to wait for that special someone...are you really telling me that if some girl who you liked threw you down on a bed and ripped your clothes off you would be like...nah, let's watch The Notebook instead and then read the Bible?


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## SciFiGeek17 (Oct 19, 2009)

This is just my opinion, I mean no offense to others, but...

I'd wait. For several reasons:

1.) Out of respect for them. If I really, truly loved them, I'd agree to wait. If you just say "no" and leave, it shows how little you really respect their personal opinions, views and how much you really care for me.

I see people rush into things like that, even pressured. One of the major importance in a relationship is "respect". If you can't respect them now, you never will. And you'll only pressure them to make more exceptions. 

You don't like the pressure, then don't do it to others!

2.) I love my mothers expression on the subject, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" 

A lot of people think "why should I go through the hassle of marriage when I can get it free" Meaning, sex before marriage. Basically, people like that aren't looking for their soul mate. Their looking for pleasure. 

Part of the wedding vows me "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" meaning, being there for the good, the bad and the ugly. Some people just pick out the good and throw away the bad.

This shows no respect, no consideration or loyalty. 

I'd personally, rather have someone who would stick by me during all the good and bad times. In fact, the bad times help prove how strong a couple is.

3.) Lets say a couple get together and have sex and the girl finds out she's pregnant. Notice how that moment isn't alwyas joyous or happy. Its like an "uh oh moment!" Not everyone is like this, but many are. And there is a chance of the kid being dumped on one of the parents or sent to an orphanage.

Where as, people waited to have sex until marriage are happy when they have a child.

So ask yourself. Would you want your future children or even yourself to be a "uh oh!" or a "Yay!"?

4) Wouldn't you be much happier together, knowing you only have sex with each other, instead of with several other people in relationships that turned out bad?

I would! No hesitation!


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