# Shutting my mind up



## beli mawr (Dec 18, 2013)

Hey, hope this is the right forum. I couldn't think of where else it would fit.

I read a lot about meditation, how it's supposed to help with anxiety and stuff. The problem is, it seems I can never get my mind to shut up, and that causes me even more anxiety. I've tried different types of meditation, from simple mindful breathing to guided recordings.

As soon as I start to let myself relax, my mind just doesn't shut the h*** up. Thoughts from days or weeks ago, things that annoyed me, or whatever, pop into mind, and just don't stop. Social situations where I could have acted differently. Work. Whatever. Of course this gets me frustrated and defeats the whole purpose.

Anyone else have this problem, and have any suggestions?


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## kurtjb (Aug 27, 2010)

This is normal. I find guided recordings make it easier, because they interrupt you now and then and then you realize you've been caught up in your thoughts. One I found helpful was at self-compassion.org under "Guided self-compassion meditations", particularly the one called "Noting your emotions". She keeps saying, "If you get caught up in your thoughts -- as you will..." She means that you will *definitely* get caught up in your thoughts. Part of mindfulness is not viewing this as a mistake. 

Eckhart Tolle said something like, "If you are caught up in your thoughts, it's okay. That's what is. Meditators want to reach some ideal state, unhappy with the state they are in. It's not the ideal state. The ideal state is the acceptance of Now." "Now" includes the moments when we get lost in our thoughts.

He also said, "If you accept what is, you can transcend it. If you fight it, you're stuck with it." This means, in this case, if you accept your lapses into thought, the frustration rapidly decreases, or even disappears.

So meditation is partly practicing accepting what is; practicing the acceptance of Now.

So try to meet your moments of getting lost in thought with acceptance; meeting your experiences with acceptance or "allowingness" is part of what you're practicing. If you feel frustrated, then focus on where the frustration is happening in your body. If it's in your shoulders, focus on them very carefully, as if you are (as she says) a scientist, looking to study an interesting phenomenon. If the frustation is particularly deep, try her "soften, smooth, allow" meditation. 

Note: Neff says to use words like "heat", or "tightness" when describing sensations in the body. Sometimes it's easier for me to use words like "left arm", "upper body", "face". For me, it's simpler to say where something is happening than exactly what is happening. 

As for breathing, two things help: a very simple one is to think "in" and "out" for breaths, or just "in", or count them. Another one is to study the entire flow of the breath -- as if you're drinking in the air, and your lungs are "tasting" it. Study the whole flow of the breath as it moves through your body, in and out.

Another source I've found very insightful is Shinzen Young. You can search for this materials on the net.

Hope this is helpful.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

I have similar issues, its about finding what works for you. Guided recordings dont work for me at all, they work under the assumption that their pre recorded pace is the pace everyone will react to, this is bad practice for people in our situation and can cause anxiety or break the mood due to feeling pressure of time or breaking the mood by having to back track.

There has to be atleast one kind of sound you can identify with that makes you relaxed? For me its storm related or the ocean, i sit in a darkened room with good quality over ear headphones and listen to long recordings of that

an example would be this





I cant seem to make youtube embed here

Maybe scents would help you, such as incense. Everyone is different and its about finding your own way


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## beli mawr (Dec 18, 2013)

Thanks guys for the tips.



> Meditators want to reach some ideal state, unhappy with the state they are in. It's not the ideal state.


Good point. I guess it's just that the meditations I've tried give the impression this is the state I want to be in, I'll try to be more open to what's actually happening.



> There has to be atleast one kind of sound you can identify with that makes you relaxed?


TBH, I've found there is no sound that really relaxes me as of yet, but I haven't tried much more than the typical storms and oceans.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

I grew up ontop of a cliff overlooking the ocean so storms have always relaxed me, maybe there is something from when you were younger if you have since moved on. Could be music,no music but smells, maybe a hot bath with salts, could even be some herbal tea lol

Many things to try, not all of them have to be music


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## beli mawr (Dec 18, 2013)

Thanks for the tips.

I'd tried various sounds, there are a surprising number of sites with all sorts of what are called relaxing sounds, I just hadn't found any I liked. I'll just keep trying.


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## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

beli mawr said:


> Thanks for the tips.
> 
> I'd tried various sounds, there are a surprising number of sites with all sorts of what are called relaxing sounds, I just hadn't found any I liked. I'll just keep trying.


If you cannot find specific relaxing sounds, an alternative could be classical music or binaural beats. Those are incredibly soothing. For classical music I suggest Ludovico Einaudi. Many of his compositions are fantastic. And of course the greats Vivaldi, Chopin, and Beethoven. You can find binaural beats by simply searching them on youtube. Some are better than others, and I personally prefer to listen to music itself that has them (the band Emancipator, for example). It is all a matter of preference, I suppose.


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## littlejanedoe (Mar 29, 2014)

Oh my goodness, as i was reading you're post i was agreeing with everything you said, friend . I could of sworn for a secent that i wrote that. Anyways I tend to over think things i found out somethings you can't help but get frustrated with but iv found if i stop and really think (before i let my self get rediculosly depressed over something) about the situation like i was looking back at it from the future and try to see if i wasnt so emotional if i would let the situation bother me so much . im not sure if that will help you but its worth a try .


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