# Breaking Down over a last minute paper



## WingsofDesire (Dec 8, 2010)

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. I hope to find some comfort from others who experience anxiety like I do.

I found this place from looking for advice on how to deal with last minute papers.

I have two term research papers due this Thurs, in less than two days, and I managed to finish one last week. That one had to be 25-30 pgs long. I was so drained and exhausted from working on the first paper, which I finished in less than two weeks, that I wasted my time sleeping for a few days, and now for my second paper, I've only completed 9 pages for a 20 pg paper due after tomorrow. Oh, and I should mention that this paper is worth my *whole* grade. If I don't finish it or fail it, I don't get credit for the course. It's also for a required course for my degree, and I'm only 3 more classes away from graduating.

Yesterday I worked on this paper from 2pm to 2am, getting only 9 pages done, and today I'm just so emotional, and I'm having anxiety attacks, and I'm crying just thinking about how this paper is due after tomorrow.

What's worse is the class has only 20 students, so the professor knows all the students really well. I'm so embarrassed at the thought of handing in a really bad paper, especially when I've lied to my professor about how my essays are going. Just last week, he asked me about my progress and I lied, saying I was working on it, when in truth, I had not even started it yet. I just couldn't admit to him that I hadn't even started it when we were given the whole term to write it. As well, I have another class with him where I have an A, but that's because that class required no essays. So, his expectations are high for me, and there is no way I can write even a B paper in one day.

I've already done my research, and made notes, and in a way I'm almost halfway through (9 pages done out of 20), but right now, just thinking about the paper is making me emotional and sick.

I've always had this problem with procrastinating on papers, because of my anxiety. It's ironic that my anxiety causes my procrastination, which in the end makes my anxiety worse. I've dropped many classes because of this, and I feel like a total failure.

Does anyone have similar experiences to this? Just knowing there are some experiencing the same thing, would help me to get myself together and not fall apart.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

I can totally relate, I've felt the way you were feeling multiple times in my school career and many times during this fall quarter have I spent so much time worrying and freaking out that I wouldn't get stuff done in time. 

My last two projects didn't turn out so well, one was incomplete and a mess, and the other was also incomplete and looked like total **** as a result of working on the first project. And to make things worse, while I was trying to get these projects done for this one class, I had to start a brand new research paper for a different class which I didn't realize was due until like 3 days before the due date, but I wasn't the only one, but anyways, so I had to stay up reading all these books and writing this 5 page paper all the way up till class started and actually, I ended up skipping class because there was no way I'd have time to complete the paper and get downstairs in time to catch the shuttle to take me to school so I ended up emailing her the paper about fifteen minutes after class started; I got an A on it so it was worth it. .

But about the other two projects that had been eating up all my time, on the day they were due, I thought for sure that I would get everything done HOURS earlier than I did, because I'd stayed up for two whole days, spending every waking minute that I could on the computer trying to finish these projects especially since at one point I had to start completely over, and I was running on junk from the vending machine instead of actually meals, and I was still working on this project and on the final exam on the computer lab in my dorm up until 30 minutes before class started, and to make things worse, I was depending on the school shuttle to take me to school so I was freaking out about not making it downstairs in time to catch it, and I was already feeling frazzled since I realized that I would have no time to get back to my dorm bedroom to change, and go to the bathroom, get ready and anyways, I ended up making it class in time.

-In the end I got everything turned in, but then we had to present it and then I saw how ****ty my work looked compared to the other students in the class, especially my final project which was just incomplete and ****ty and I still cringe at the thought of my professor grading my work..

And on the last day, I was like 10 minutes late walking into the classroom already full of students because I'd been trying to finish one last thing for the class, and I had to hand the professor my work with everybody's eyes on me in my nervous state and during that last class, everybody was all calm and smiley and attentive to the professor, but I just felt so jittery and distracted first because I walked in late and second because of how all my **** turned out. 

And this is the second time that I'm taking this class, last fall I failed it, and I failed it by procrastinating, I failed it by not asking important questions due to my anxiety, I failed it by not showing up to class on the last day, and this professor shares an office with my adviser who was also my professor for another class, and it's awkward and embarrassing to know that they may have discussed my failure, and it's embarrassing to know that other professors who have had me may have discussed me with them since this is a small department,and it's embarrassing to know that these professors may have noticed something wrong with me, it's all embarrassing enough that running into these professors itself has made me consider transferring another college all over again; Luckily, you're almost out of school. . I'm going to finish this year out and see what happens, the only thing I can comfort myself with is that I'm not like this in all my classes, in some of my classes, I've "shined" as cliche as it sounds, and also, when I think about running into my professors down the long narrow hallways at my school, I'm filled with fear, should I say "Hi," should I smile, I know they don't want to see me, and I don't want to see them so could I just ignore them? Ignoring them feels as scary as acknowledging them, and all I can think to make me brave enough to stop avoidance for the rest of the year is of RuPaul's mantra that "What other people think of me is none of my damned business." If they think don't want to say hi to me that's their problem, if they think I'm a ***** for not acknowledging them then so be it. But it's scary, it's so ****ing scary

Whatver, this time around, I ended up with a "B" so I can live with it but it's just so humiliating. This whole staying up late thing, rushing to finish is something I repeated a couple more times earlier in the quarter for this class. And it's not like I don't do my work, I do it, I spend hours upon hours on my work but I always get a later start on it then I should. This procrastination is a recurring thing with me, and yeah, it's so interesting how we have issues so we put things off, and the last minute rushing causes anxiety yet we repeat the cycle over and over again. 

WingsofDesire I don't know how to make it any clearer that I've been just as stressed out as you, my heart pounding out of my chest when all I'm doing is sitting down at the computer trying to finish something before class, anticipating the last day of class when it will all be over.


All I can say is good luck, you can do this, when you finish the paper it'll all be over and hopefully you're working on your paper right now and not checking SAS to see if someone responded to your thread.


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## WingsofDesire (Dec 8, 2010)

letitrock said:


> WingsofDesire I don't know how to make it any clearer that I've been just as stressed out as you, my heart pounding out of my chest when all I'm doing is sitting down at the computer trying to finish something before class, anticipating the last day of class when it will all be over.
> 
> All I can say is good luck, you can do this, when you finish the paper it'll all be over and hopefully you're working on your paper right now and not checking SAS to see if someone responded to your thread.


I know exactly how you feel. I feel so embarrassed to even talk to my professors, because I feel so stupid compared to everyone else in the class. My professor for the class I'm writing the paper for is the nicest teacher I've ever had, and yet I still get intimidated by him.

So far, I have a rough 13 pages out of 20-22 done. The thing with me, though is I'll spend fours hours just editing and trying to make the paper perfect which is impossible in just one night. I guess I have to be okay with handing in a mediocre paper. I just hope I don't fail the class, as this paper is worth 100% of the grade.

I think I need to get some medical or therapeutic help. I've had friends who have had their life turn around after getting help. Perhaps, it might help you to, to see someone. It's amazing that despite your procrastination, you manage to do okay in some of your classes. I hope you get through your semester- I know I'll be so relieved after this semester.


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## broseph (Jan 18, 2010)

That's rough. I have a massive amount of studying I need to do for finals, these next couple weeks are gonna be painful. If you really need it you could ask for a short extension and he may be nice enough to let you hand it in a little late.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

WingsofDesire said:


> I know exactly how you feel. I feel so embarrassed to even talk to my professors, because I feel so stupid compared to everyone else in the class. My professor for the class I'm writing the paper for is the nicest teacher I've ever had, and yet I still get intimidated by him.
> 
> So far, I have a rough 13 pages out of 20-22 done. The thing with me, though is I'll spend fours hours just editing and trying to make the paper perfect which is impossible in just one night. I guess I have to be okay with handing in a mediocre paper. I just hope I don't fail the class, as this paper is worth 100% of the grade.
> 
> I think I need to get some medical or therapeutic help. I've had friends who have had their life turn around after getting help. Perhaps, it might help you to, to see someone. It's amazing that despite your procrastination, you manage to do okay in some of your classes. I hope you get through your semester- I know I'll be so relieved after this semester.


Well, I would have to commend you on the 13 pages so far.....keep working on the last seven (increase the font size by 1 if you have to :lol). Divide up the seven pages into time frames to pace yourself. I have a feeling you are going to pull it off - why? - because people with anxiety do well under pressure - you have shown this already!

The skills we use to worry are the SAME skills we use to GOAL SET. You are doing this right now, or else you would not have gotten to page thirteen (and beyond!).


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## WingsofDesire (Dec 8, 2010)

So I'm on page 16 now, but the essay is really crappy. I know it's better to hand in anything over nothing, but God, I hope I get a C, I don't care as long as I pass.

The good thing is I'm not crying about it like yesterday.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

WingsofDesire said:


> So I'm on page 16 now, but the essay is really crappy. I know it's better to hand in anything over nothing, but God, I hope I get a C, I don't care as long as I pass.
> 
> The good thing is I'm not crying about it like yesterday.


Keep fighting. Get through the 20 and then go back and fill in .


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## WingsofDesire (Dec 8, 2010)

I finished it. It took me from 9am yesterday to 8:30 am today to do it ( I don't know why it took me 24 hours to write 13 pages (it ended up being 22 pages total, I couldn't bother with editing), and with only one lunch break and one dinner break.The last 5 hours went really slow, and I actually think my brain slowed down at that point, but I finished it!

What I hate with a passion with scholarly essays is the time you spend making sure your footnotes and bibliography are done properly. Like if I use a source that was originally in German, but was translated in a reproduction, which was subsequently reproduced in another article, no one can tell me how to properly cite it. I could not use the source, but if i need to, if it is vital to my paper, and I don't read German, and the only English translation is a reproduction of a translation of the original, I have no idea how to cite it. I find that I spend hours and hours just doing footnoting of random weird sources, and bibliographies, and correctly citing illustrations with proper captions, etc. 

I hate essays with a passion, and almost always have a breakdown. I was talking to a friend today after handing in my papers, and just talking about the last week and the stress got me all emotional to the point I couldn't even talk.

Also, from sitting, staring at a computer for 12 days straight, I have a messed up shoulder, back, my eyes are super dry and strained, and I feel super weak with stomach issues. I need a vacation.

And oh, in class as we are handing in the papers, a girl mentioned to me she got an extension from only asking the prof!!! He told the class there would be no extensions! I hate people who get extra time. Even if I knew extensions were allowed, I would be too ashamed to ask. I guess I can't admit that I need help to the professor.


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## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

I have a similar situation right now. I was in the hospital on sunday from hyperventilation hehheh. Just make sure to breath and take care of yourself.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

> What I hate with a passion with scholarly essays is the time you spend making sure your footnotes and bibliography are done properly. Like if I use a source that was originally in German, but was translated in a reproduction, which was subsequently reproduced in another article, no one can tell me how to properly cite it. I could not use the source, but if i need to, if it is vital to my paper, and I don't read German, and the only English translation is a reproduction of a translation of the original, I have no idea how to cite it. I find that I spend hours and hours just doing footnoting of random weird sources, and bibliographies, and correctly citing illustrations with proper captions, etc.


My record finishing off all the formatting, references, captions, figures etc. was about 6 days working full time on it for my thesis and was because they preferred I used LateX. It delayed finishing the actual content of the thesis.

With LateX you have to program in all the figures (their size, position, and captions), tables (every line, all the spacing, and if they run over to the next page), and maths symbols and equations, in a text editor.

I had to make a separate document for the title page and link it to the main body using a command (\input{./Title.tex} I think). A .bib file I made was for the bibliography where you paste in the bibtex entry (on journal sites) for each reference and type commands in the main document to compile it and in what style.

I had to find the appropriate commands to make Appendices. All the needed packages had to be entered at the head of the main document, incl the page dimensions and if you want a running header. I pretty much taught myself because I don't know how or when to seek help.

The beauty of LateX was once you get the hang of it it's quick and accurate. You can type in one command and it will generate a contents page for you or list of figures or tables.

Here's an example of the arsery needed to create a simple table of coordinates:


```
\begin{table*}[t]
 \caption[List of 78 sources]{List of 78 sources. The final column indicates blah blah in Fig.~\ref{emap}.}
 \label{nirc}
 $$
 \begin{array}{lccccccc}
 \hline
 \hline
 \noalign{\smallskip}
  \sf{Object~~~}&    \sf{R.A.~}&\sf{Decl.~~}   &\sf{V}     &\sf{B}     &\sf{K}   &\sf{A_v} &\sf{A_v (cont)} \\
       \sf{ }&\sf{(2000.0)~}&\sf{(2000.0)~~}&\sf{(mag)}&\sf{(mag)}&\sf{(mag)}&\sf{(mag)}&\sf{(mag)}\\
\noalign{\smallskip}
\hline
\noalign{\smallskip}
%-------------------------------------------------
\sf{~1} &16^h57^m36^s3 & 54^{\circ}24$'$45$''$ & 17.35 & 15.64 & 14.67 & 9.8 & 2.3\\
```
+ a few dozen more lines of coordinates


```
\noalign{\smallskip}
\hline
\end{array}
$$
\end{table*}
```
This can get very anxiety provoking cos you have to keep compiling the doc in between to check how it looks. It takes many iterations to make it look presentable. If your deadline's approaching it can make big anger explosions hehe. But I was used to it by then and kind of enjoyed it (it must have driven me so nuts I'd lost my mind ). The couple of occasions I did ask advice it wasn't anywhere near as good as figuring it out myself. Anyway, well done on finishing the papers. Impressive.


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## WingsofDesire (Dec 8, 2010)

That program you mention is probably simple but it sounds really complicated.

I think in some places in my paper my formatting really sucked. Not the actually content, but the visuals, I couldn't figure out how to align my captions with the different sized illustrations in my appendixes and weird stuff was happening when I was trying to resize pictures. Also my computer sometimes freezes and or the word document shuts down for no reason, so I'm literally saving every 5 seconds.

It's ridiculous that so much time is spent over mundane stuff like that.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

WingsofDesire said:


> I finished it. It took me from 9am yesterday to 8:30 am today to do it ( I don't know why it took me 24 hours to write 13 pages (it ended up being 22 pages total, I couldn't bother with editing), and with only one lunch break and one dinner break.The last 5 hours went really slow, and I actually think my brain slowed down at that point, but *I finished it!*
> 
> What I hate with a passion with scholarly essays is the time you spend making sure your footnotes and bibliography are done properly. Like if I use a source that was originally in German, but was translated in a reproduction, which was subsequently reproduced in another article, no one can tell me how to properly cite it. I could not use the source, but if i need to, if it is vital to my paper, and I don't read German, and the only English translation is a reproduction of a translation of the original, I have no idea how to cite it. I find that I spend hours and hours just doing footnoting of random weird sources, and bibliographies, and correctly citing illustrations with proper captions, etc.
> 
> ...


Okay, so I red boldfaced it - you know what. Considering that you turned it in ON TIME - that gets three boogies :boogie :boogie :boogie.

Enjoy your rest - you deserve it! Oh, and remember the feeling of turning that in. When you are overcoming anxiety, that "euphoria" of success happens more often


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

WingsofDesire, 

I hate essays so much. I procrastinate so much since I feel so much anxiety about it. I know what it is like to breakdown and cry over a paper. I know what it is like to hand in a paper that you know that you didn't do your best on. I even know what it is like to get 16% on a paper and ask for a re-write. Recently, I asked for a re-write and the teacher hasn't e-mailed me back so I guess she is just one of those teachers that doesn't give second chances. Well one of the teachers that we had was very flexible if you did bad on the test you could just submit a paper. 

I hope that we can recognize our patterns on papers and next time we have a paper begin earlier. We will actually experience less anxiety since we will be giving ourselves more time. I'm really happy that you finished your paper and submitted it. Congratulations!


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

YAY YOU DID IT! 

Has anyone tried Write or Die? It's a program that starts to delete your text if you haven't typed in a while. I know. It sounds ridiculous. But I've used it before and it helps you get your ideas on paper. You can always go back and edit. 

Anyway, yes I procrastinate like crazy. I don't start working until the night before no matter how big the assignment is because I'm too stressed but the pressure does force me to get it done. Like take today for example. I have a great opportunity to pull up my zoology mark with the final exam in the morning and I just started studying. Yep. It's bad. I don't have advice obviously but you are certainly not alone.


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