# My therapist forgot my name and was 40 minutes late for the appointment



## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

So my therapist walked out into the waiting room and called a name. I was reading a magazine and didn't look up because she called a name that was not mine. She said the incorrect name 3 more times. I finally looked up and she motioned to me so I got up and we proceeded to her office. I gently mentioned and laughed that she had said the wrong name but she didn't comment. She commented on the weather and some other random thing. I don't think she heard me. I know my voice can get really soft when I'm nervous. I remember thinking that the first initial (T) of the name was correct but that was it. It wasn't even close. On top of that she was 40 minutes late. She never apologized.


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## butwhy (Feb 5, 2014)

I think you should change therapist..


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

I wanted to edit this post. But I haven't figured that out yet, sorry. I just wanted to add that I know that even a therapist can have a bad day. For all I know something really terrible happened to my therapist that morning and she was not herself. I've been seeing her for 2 years and this had never happened before. I must admit that I have been late on a couple of occasions and have cancelled a few times. I have not been the perfect patient. So I cannot expect perfection from another human being. All I really expected was an apology at the very least.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Funny how she is taking advantage of her own job. Find a therapist who is professional unlike this one. One time my therapist was pissed off that I arrived like 5 minutes early. She locked me outside of the building until those 5 minutes passed by. lol I was like "You are a b&tch."


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

*I thought the same*



butwhy said:


> I think you should change therapist..


I thought the same thing but what if something extremely terrible happened to her that morning? I remember when someone close to me died and I was so grief stricken that I couldn't remember what year it was. But one thing I did was apologize profusely to the people around me because I knew that I wasn't myself. I guess I'm hurt because it felt like I didn't matter to my therapist that day. Something that I have struggled with all my life from my family.

The other thing that bothers me is that when she knew she was going to be late, she didn't call the front office staff and tell them to let me know. Ugh.


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Paloma M said:


> Funny how she is taking advantage of her own job. Find a therapist who is professional unlike this one. One time my therapist was pissed off that I arrived like 5 minutes early. She locked me outside of the building until those 5 minutes passed by. lol I was like "You are a b&tch."


Oh no! I don't understand why people treat others this way. Do you still see the same therapist? I'm sort of afraid to switch at this point. It's complex.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

No. I have been seeing different therapists since 2003. One time my mom took me to a Christian one and I'm just like she is like a pastor to me and I should only go to those once a week which is on Sundays. Right now I am seeing a therapist located in the down town area. Horrible place. There is no parking. She is a lot better than the rest of the previous ones. That's for sure. A psychiatrist I am currently seeing recommended me to go try and see her. He also recommended me to do an alternative session. If you are currently seeing a psychiatrist, you should ask them if they know a good therapist. The psychiatrist believes this therapist I am currently seeing is good at what she does because she has worked with him before. Some people just can't do therapy alone. So they also go see a psychiatrist so that they can be prescribed for medication. I remember I would always hate and never believed in being medicated. So my mother took me to acupuncture which was a hell of a lot worse. I don't deal with needles well. I don't think a lot of people do. So now I am seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist and I have been taking Latuda for 2 years already. That medication is for bipolar and schizophrenia. I don't even have any of those two. lol


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## Umbrella (Aug 15, 2013)

My therapist has been late a few times before.. I always assume it's because I have appointments later in the day and she gets a bit behind on her schedule... But she has always apologized, I think I would feel worried and upset too if she hadn't apologized and forgot my name on top of that. Maybe so you can stop worring about it you could ask of there was a reason for that, if she's been your therapist for 2 years I bet or would hope that there would be a reasonable excuse.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

But did you at least find her treatment helpful?


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## cellophanegirl (Sep 21, 2009)

That's really frustrating. I can understand your hesitation about wanting to switch therapists after 2 years, it is stressful to get a new therapist, and a therapist you've seen for a long time has a lot more background then a new therapist.

However, your therapist acted inappropriately and I think you need to acknowledge that fully and not give her apologist "get out of jail free" cards like "well, I've been late a few times and haven't been perfect." Have you been 40 minutes late and not issued an apology and forgot your therapist's name? I don't think so.

I think the best course of action would be to talk to your therapist about her behavior in your next session. Just something like "I was pretty frustrated you were so late to our last session and didn't say why, and also my name is actually XXX not XXX." I have problems with confrontation, so I can understand if that would be difficult for you, but it is an appropriate response. 

Anyway, good luck, I've been in therapy for years and it's been quite the struggle. Hope things work out for you!


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

The lateness happens... Prior appointments can run into overtime, things happen throughout the day. I once had an appointment delayed by an hour because a prior patient had an emergency.

This, though...



Takari said:


> I've been seeing her for 2 years and this had never happened before.


...Two years, and she can't get your name right? What?


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## Miss Awesome (Sep 1, 2012)

Takari said:


> All I really expected was an apology at the very least.





Takari said:


> The other thing that bothers me is that when she knew she was going to be late, she didn't call the front office staff and tell them to let me know.


Tell her this.

As much as we're encouraged to be open and honest in therapy, we often forget that we can comment on the therapist and his/her behavior.

You have every right to feel the way you do, and I think you may get more from therapy if you can be honest with her in this way.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

I know that you won't do it, but I'll say it anyway.

Dump her. Pronto.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

So therapists can't be late for their jobs? I am sure everyone saying "change therapist" in this thread has never been late to work in their life lol. Give me a break.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

changeme77 said:


> So therapists can't be late for their jobs? I am sure everyone saying "change therapist" in this thread has never been late to work in their life lol. Give me a break.


If I'm understanding correctly, it's not that she was late, it's that she did not address it. Situations like this are very difficult when they happen with a therapist. It's the kind of situation a therapist would help you address with someone else if you have trouble being assertive, and if they (the therapist) don't respond to it appropriately if you confront them on something, it could pretty much be the end of the relationship. My therapist that I'm currently seeing won't let me cry. Every time I finally get down to some pain or my real feelings underneath the anger, etc. she rushes in to rescue or redirect me. I tried to talk to her like three times now and she got a little defensive and she still does it. After I find a new place to live and get settled in, I'm looking for a new one.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

changeme77 said:


> So therapists can't be late for their jobs? I am sure everyone saying "change therapist" in this thread has never been late to work in their life lol. Give me a break.


It's not being late per se. It's the fact that she didn't remember the name of a patient she's being seeing for 2(!) years. Not only that but she failed to address her mistake when takari corrected her. Those are very, very bad signs.

Plus, the fact that takari said she's afraid of switching points me to believe that she's not getting the help she should be getting. Otherwise, she would have said "Hell no, she's a good therapist!"


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## miminka (May 10, 2009)

Takari said:


> *I must admit that I have been late on a couple of occasions and have cancelled a few times. I have not been the perfect patient.* So I cannot expect perfection from another human being. All I really expected was an apology at the very least.


please don't blame yourself. you have every right to expect an apology, what she did was blantantly disrespectful, and even if she was having a "bad day" as you suspected, this is part of her job to address her patient, and if she chooses to attend work despite how miserable she may feel, she has an obligation to devote all of her attention and energy to her patients; in short, to _do her job_.

and also, what is "the perfect patient"? it shouldn't and doesn't exist. you should not try and modify your behavior and the way you relate to her to make her job easier for her, (i'm not suggesting you're doing this) this is a pattern of behavior that i routinely found myself stuck in in the past, and it didn't help me- which was the whole reason i was there, to be _helped_.

since you've been seeing this woman for such a long time, and if she honestly seems to be helping you, then you should stay with her, but bring it up casually during your next session. just say, "by the way, i don't know if you are aware of this/remember it, but a few weeks ago, when you called me into your office, you forgot my name. i just wanted to tell you, since i've been your patient for so long, that i am hurt by this".


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

I apologize but I am not on the site as often as I would like to be. Life has gotten a lot busier lately. I see two people as well. A psychologist & an M.D. in the same practice. The M.D. is for meds. I take an antianxiety pill & an antidepressant eventhough I don't think I'm depressed. But I want to be in compliance so I take them. I actually think I feel worse on meds. But that's probably a topic for another thread. Your mom sounds fabulous & loving. I like how she's doing everything she can to help. I hope I'm the same type of mom. That's interesting about the Latuda. Do you feel better taking it though?



Paloma M said:


> No. I have been seeing different therapists since 2003. One time my mom took me to a Christian one and I'm just like she is like a pastor to me and I should only go to those once a week which is on Sundays. Right now I am seeing a therapist located in the down town area. Horrible place. There is no parking. She is a lot better than the rest of the previous ones. That's for sure. A psychiatrist I am currently seeing recommended me to go try and see her. He also recommended me to do an alternative session. If you are currently seeing a psychiatrist, you should ask them if they know a good therapist. The psychiatrist believes this therapist I am currently seeing is good at what she does because she has worked with him before. Some people just can't do therapy alone. So they also go see a psychiatrist so that they can be prescribed for medication. I remember I would always hate and never believed in being medicated. So my mother took me to acupuncture which was a hell of a lot worse. I don't deal with needles well. I don't think a lot of people do. So now I am seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist and I have been taking Latuda for 2 years already. That medication is for bipolar and schizophrenia. I don't even have any of those two. lol


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Because of my "weirdness" I was afraid to ask. When she didn't address it, I just pretended nothing happened. And now I'm thinking it's too late because it was about a month ago. I hate making other people feel bad. I hope you're right & there was a valid reason that had nothing to do with me. My main fear is that it happened because she dislikes me as a patient and is trying to make a point.



Umbrella said:


> My therapist has been late a few times before.. I always assume it's because I have appointments later in the day and she gets a bit behind on her schedule... But she has always apologized, I think I would feel worried and upset too if she hadn't apologized and forgot my name on top of that. Maybe so you can stop worring about it you could ask of there was a reason for that, if she's been your therapist for 2 years I bet or would hope that there would be a reasonable excuse.


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Great question. Now you've got me thinking. Hmm, let's see. I'm up @ 3 a.m. seeking help & guidance from people I've never met on the social anxiety forum because my therapist apparently doesn't even know who I am. Her "treatment" was questionable in my opinion. I know that's not what you meant, but still this is a great question.



eveningbat said:


> But did you at least find her treatment helpful?


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Let me just say that posts like this are actually the best therapy. And no ma'am, I've never forgotten my therapist's name & I've always apologized for my mistakes. I wish I had the chutzpah to speak up when it happened. But she knows I hate confrontation. So now it feels that she has all this information about me and can use it against me if she's mad at me or whoever.



cellophanegirl said:


> That's really frustrating. I can understand your hesitation about wanting to switch therapists after 2 years, it is stressful to get a new therapist, and a therapist you've seen for a long time has a lot more background then a new therapist.
> 
> However, your therapist acted inappropriately and I think you need to acknowledge that fully and not give her apologist "get out of jail free" cards like "well, I've been late a few times and haven't been perfect." Have you been 40 minutes late and not issued an apology and forgot your therapist's name? I don't think so.
> 
> ...


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Oh wow, what you said made me think of something. What if there had been a suicide or something like that. I would feel so dumb for complaining.



Just Lurking said:


> The lateness happens... Prior appointments can run into overtime, things happen throughout the day. I once had an appointment delayed by an hour *because a prior patient had an emergency*.
> 
> This, though...
> 
> ...Two years, and she can't get your name right? What?


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Thank you for this.



Miss Awesome said:


> Tell her this.
> 
> As much as we're encouraged to be open and honest in therapy, we often forget that we can comment on the therapist and his/her behavior.
> 
> You have every right to feel the way you do, and I think you may get more from therapy if you can be honest with her in this way.


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

How'd you know I won't? I want to but I can't. It's too much to explain.



masterridley said:


> I know that you won't do it, but I'll say it anyway.
> 
> Dump her. Pronto.


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

Housebunny,

This is fascinating to me because my therapist did something confusing when I began to weep at my last session. Quite the opposite from your therapist. She pulled some eye drops out of her desk, put them in her eyes and let it trickle down her face. I didn't know if she was mocking me or what. I asked her about the eye drops and she said she had been having problems with dryness. Understandable. But it just didn't feel right. I must be 3 or 4 kinds of extra crazy for feeling this way.

Hey, best wishes on finding a new place & everything. Moving is always kind of fun to me because I get to purge all my junk and it feels like a fresh start. I love that feeling.



housebunny said:


> If I'm understanding correctly, it's not that she was late, it's that she did not address it. Situations like this are very difficult when they happen with a therapist. It's the kind of situation a therapist would help you address with someone else if you have trouble being assertive, and if they (the therapist) don't respond to it appropriately if you confront them on something, it could pretty much be the end of the relationship. My therapist that I'm currently seeing won't let me cry. Every time I finally get down to some pain or my real feelings underneath the anger, etc. she rushes in to rescue or redirect me. I tried to talk to her like three times now and she got a little defensive and she still does it. After I find a new place to live and get settled in, I'm looking for a new one.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

Takari said:


> Housebunny,
> 
> This is fascinating to me because my therapist did something confusing when I began to weep at my last session. Quite the opposite from your therapist. *She pulled some eye drops out of her desk, put them in her eyes and let it trickle down her face. I didn't know if she was mocking me or what. I asked her about the eye drops and she said she had been having problems with dryness. *Understandable. But it just didn't feel right. I must be 3 or 4 kinds of extra crazy for feeling this way.
> 
> Hey, best wishes on finding a new place & everything. Moving is always kind of fun to me because I get to purge all my junk and it feels like a fresh start. I love that feeling.


Thanks. Hey, what your therapist did is weird.


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## Takari (Aug 6, 2013)

housebunny said:


> Thanks. Hey, what your therapist did is weird.


That's what I thought but it's helpful to come here & get confirmation.


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## RepoMedic (Sep 12, 2013)

They're human too..


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Takari said:


> Great question. Now you've got me thinking. Hmm, let's see. I'm up @ 3 a.m. seeking help & guidance from people I've never met on the social anxiety forum because my therapist apparently doesn't even know who I am. Her "treatment" was questionable in my opinion. I know that's not what you meant, but still this is a great question.


OK, what is the treatment about? Does she just listen to what you tell her and what's next? Does she have any suggestions how to help you and fix something or what?


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