# Hope on OKCupid



## humidity (Nov 24, 2011)

...


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## RubixQ (Jul 29, 2014)

humidity said:


> She said she wants to be friends though and I do too, but I dunno if I'd be able to handle it with my anxiety... she is quite outgoing and confident.


I don't know how these things work but if that means meeting in person then that could open you up to new social situations and experiences. You never know, you could meet your dream girl that way.

Never lose hope


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Nice. I think you need to meet her in person, dude. Challenge your anxiety, try to enjoy life. Even if you're not meant to be, who knows? Are you sure you will never change on the kid thing? I used to think more like you, now I can definitely see myself having them after my last relationship.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

I want to commend you first of all for being honest and unashamed about who you are and your situation. That alone took confidence. Secondly, it'a great that you are viewing this situation with a positive outlook. It would be easy to have a negative attitude but you are choosing to find something good in your experience. That is one of the ways we move forward and overcome any obstacles in our lives, no just sa. 

It's also encouraging to hear someone describe a more positive experience from online dating sites.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

humidity said:


> I was depressed when I made my OKC account 3 weeks ago. I get 15 profile views per week and a few likes, mostly from people with poor match percentage. I thought I'd never have any luck. I ended up liking about 9 profiles and one girl liked me back. We ended emailing each other for a few days. This story does not have a super happy ending, but does have something that gave me hope lol:
> 
> I put on my profile I am disabled by OCD and SAD and can't work/study/or drive. This girl said she has higher than average self-confidence, and a career going. When I asked her what she thought of my disability, she told me that everyone has problems, no one is perfect, and mine just happens to be this. I was pleasantly surprised. I told her I'm a virgin and she didn't laugh or make fun of me nor stopped talking. The deal breaker for her was that she wants kids and I don't. She said she wants to be friends though and I do too, but I dunno if I'd be able to handle it with my anxiety... she is quite outgoing and confident.
> 
> I feel she was really a very nice person who was understanding, and that kinda gave me hope that there is a girl somewhere out there for me.


Awesome. I average only 1 page view a week which means you're probably very hot.


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## Inknotmink94 (Mar 5, 2015)

Sometimes it's the people like that that bring us out of our comfort zone, I'd say go for it, try to be friends.


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## TangoTiger (Jul 12, 2012)

Oh man I hope you met up with her, its rare to find people like that and on a dating site to boot. I always hear people say just how awful they are.


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## MurrayJ (Sep 5, 2012)

Like some others said, consider to meetup with her. It might lead to other opportunities. And btw, 15 views in a week on OKC is prolly far above average for guys.


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## tristaelle (Mar 16, 2015)

I don't know much about OKC, but I feel like this is a very good place to start. I like that you're both up front with what you want (about the kids situation). I also think that most people are very accepting of OCD and SAD, and anyone who wouldn't talk to you just because of that isn't worth your time anyways.

As for the virgin thing, I don't think once a person is in a situation where they like someone that being a virgin is a negative thing. But same as before, anyone who would judge you for it isn't worth your time. 

Also, I would continue to be her friend. This might bring you out of your shell a bit, and having her as very outgoing would be a positive thing. Think of it as you wouldn't have to work very hard to think of a conversation topic as she'll probably start one.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Oh


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## Kiwi Chick (Mar 22, 2015)

Good on you for being honest, most guys on dating sites are full of sh*t - good luck and keep being honest it's cool.


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## TheDigitalMan (Mar 21, 2015)

Making more female friends is definitely a good thing to strive for. For one, you get more experience talking to women. And the more women you meet, the better chance they'll have a single friend they can introduce you to. And when you have SA, that's probably the way to go about it.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

TheDigitalMan said:


> Making more female friends is definitely a good thing to strive for. For one, you get more experience talking to women. And the more women you meet, the better chance they'll have a single friend they can introduce you to. And when you have SA, that's probably the way to go about it.


Yes, this is good, I agree.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Surprised you were able to get that far with anyone being so honest. Normally you play the cat and mouse game of telling people what you think they want to hear so they will give you a chance and not reject you.


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## Josh (Apr 26, 2005)

mjkittredge said:


> Surprised you were able to get that far with anyone being so honest. Normally you play the cat and mouse game of telling people what you think they want to hear so they will give you a chance and not reject you.


Personally I think it's better to be upfront in the beginning before it gets messy. I figure if I tell a bunch of lies or purposefully dont' mention certain things and it starts going somewhere it can and probably will fall apart once she finds out certain things about me like that I have SA or that I still live with my parents or I'm on disability for SA, ect. I mean if it goes well and I meet her in person it's going to be obvious I have SA and basically no dating experience anyway so why not filter out the ones who will reject me because of it early?


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Josh said:


> Personally I think it's better to be upfront in the beginning before it gets messy. I figure if I tell a bunch of lies or purposefully dont' mention certain things and it starts going somewhere it can and probably will fall apart once she finds out certain things about me like that I have SA or that I still live with my parents or I'm on disability for SA, ect. I mean if it goes well and I meet her in person it's going to be obvious I have SA and basically no dating experience anyway so why not filter out the ones who will reject me because of it early?


Or you could lie by omission and see how things go. Relationships tend to end early no matter what, because people discover they are incompatible, or just don't get 'that feeling.' No need to shoot yourself in the foot ahead of time. Let them think what they want to think, and focus on how two personalities mesh & connect.

Not everyone dates with the goal of it turning into a long term or lifetime relationship. For some it's for more short term, casual fun. In which case, the status of your life is less important or irrelevant. It's what you bring to the table as far as YOU.

I was watching a show about dating years ago, this man in NYC was going on lots of first dates but no woman would agree to a second one. He was ruining his chances with them all by telling them he was a recovering alcoholic. He'd been sober for half a dozen years. He was an attractive, intelligent man capable of making good conversation. But that one detail ruined his chances with everyone. Poor guy was getting really frustrated and upset by the constant rejection.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Hey! I joined okcupid too, thanks for showing off cuz I didn't know about that cool dating site. I got 100 likes in a day, those males are so jorny there haha.

Other than that you find sexy locals there, and they are really polite and real, I met this sexy boy, wow. It helps alot with our SA that's for sure! Keep looking for them sexy locals!


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

mjkittredge said:


> Or you could lie by omission and see how things go. Relationships tend to end early no matter what, because people discover they are incompatible, or just don't get 'that feeling.' No need to shoot yourself in the foot ahead of time. Let them think what they want to think, and focus on how two personalities mesh & connect.
> 
> Not everyone dates with the goal of it turning into a long term or lifetime relationship. For some it's for more short term, casual fun. In which case, the status of your life is less important or irrelevant. It's what you bring to the table as far as YOU.
> 
> I was watching a show about dating years ago, this man in NYC was going on lots of first dates but no woman would agree to a second one. He was ruining his chances with them all by telling them he was a recovering alcoholic. He'd been sober for half a dozen years. He was an attractive, intelligent man capable of making good conversation. But that one detail ruined his chances with everyone. Poor guy was getting really frustrated and upset by the constant rejection.


My therapist is against lying by omission but I don't even believe in the concept. If you're not telling falsehoods or minimizing, then you're not lying. Just like how you don't fart on your first date, you don't tell them you're a recovering alcoholic.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Depressed because we long to connect with others, and belong, that's the depression, depression is the deprivation we feel from the lack of feeding our bodies and minds what they hunger for. I am gonna be a great psychologist.


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