# Have you ever been cold approached?



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Has someone you barely knew (or didn't know at all) ever approached you and asked you out? Or even just approached you with the desire to get to know you, so they could ask you out at a later time?

If so, share the story.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Can we break down the responses by frequency, height, weight, body shape, attractiveness, dress, demeanor, extroversion and time spent in public situations vs time spent in social situations?

I have a burning desire to analyze and a severe lack of data on the subject.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

In a club once a pretty drunk guy came up to me after I watched him get rejected by half the women in the club. That's it. I guess I was the last resort :lol I think you have to be very physically attractive/dressed a certain way to get approached like that.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Yea, I've been cold approached twice. *

First time was by some* *cougar customer* in the supermarket where I worked. She was trashy. She'd come up and tell me I have a really nice a** in dem jeans. When I'd hand her the food she asked for in a plastic bag she'd grab my hand, as if to caress it, before taking the bag.

*Second time by some* *female student* in the univ library. She came up to me and told me she loved my hair, then walked away. I took it as a cue that I should ask her out, and I did.

The funny thing about women 'cold approaching' is that they won't take your number or anything. They'll just come, give you clues they dig you, and then wait for you to do the rest of the job. I have literally never heard of a woman asking for a guy's number to plan a date.


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> Has someone you barely knew (or didn't know at all) ever approached you and asked you out? Or even just approached you with the desire to get to know you, so they could ask you out at a later time?
> 
> If so, share the story.


Yeah...a few times on omegle (one of the 'talk with random strangers' sites) usually by guys; once at a restaurant when someone who worked there sent me a note via the waitress that asked if I wanted to go out; once this crazy girl just started walking next to me REALLY closely, and started talking and acting all affectionate (I told her she was embarrassing me), and once before that a girl in my class asked if I wanted a bj; she was really pretty but I didn't think it would be a good idea/ was too shy. Another time in Puerto Rico these two girls asked if I wanted to go out dancing with them but I hate dancing and am too shy, also my mom was with me and she told them as much. They were super-classy/ pretty as well. A bunch of times this other crazy girl kept inviting me over to her house, but I never went, because she was crazy. Another time these two girls kept following me around town, I eventually talked with them and pretended to be friendly, but I really have no idea what their intentions were and their behavior was kind of embarrassing to be around.

There are a few other things that I have no idea how to interpret; some people are just so friendly that it can seem like they intend something they don't.

However, I used to work at a job where I was the only guy, and NONE of the girls ever said anything like that to me, so I guess all these instances were just flukes.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

mezzoforte said:


> Or even just approached you with the desire to get to know you, so they could ask you out at a later time?


I would think most people have done this, but I wouldn't really call that "cold approach".
If you have learned that others won't approach you to ask you out, it's hard not to have it in the back of your mind, that when you chat up others - even just when being perfectly friendly - part of you is checking whether you're compatible and if they're someone you'd like to ask out.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

And people on this forum say women don't have to do anything and just get approached.

Seems to me that guys in this thread at least, are successful enough in real life, more than the only female person who's commented so far (me)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just saying.

Well actually, they say the woman has to be attractive, so I guess I'm not.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

A few times, even getting approached is hard, I was caught off guard every time and either wussed out by not letting the conversation lead anywhere or if a number was involved then I'd hold onto it for a week of debating on whether I should call her or not, then just throw it away. Id probably be able to handle it better now but I don't get out nearly as much as I used to.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Yes several times. Me and my sister always say that the type of guys that would ask you out like that are always the type of guys that you want to stay away from. Why; because they're too persistent, they won't leave you alone (even if you say you have a bf), and they casually start to touch you and sometimes even try to kiss you uke sometimes they even follow you places... I've never had a good experience with this.

But then I should add that in my culture it's sort of frowned upon to be approached like that because we value our personal space. I'd say it's pretty rare to be asked out like that from a guy who's grown up here unless he's drunk or I'm guessing... the girl is a complete knockout. :stu


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Persephone The Dread said:


> In a club once a pretty drunk guy came up to me after I watched him get rejected by half the women in the club. That's it. I guess I was the last resort :lol I* think you have to be very physically attractive/dressed a certain way to get approached like that.*


Yeah, that's what I figured. :b And going out a lot (to social events,clubs, parties, etc.) probably helps.

@Stilla I actually thought a lot of guys might be too intimidated to approach you because of how gorgeous you are. :b Were the guys conventionally attractive too or just confident?


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Yeah it's happened quite a lot, not much of a story to tell, they were all pretty standard. The only interesting one was a guy on valentines day who kept trying to give me a rose that I was refusing.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

I wish people would approach others in public with the intentions of genuine friendship! Imagine how great that'd be... In the end everyone would be friends.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Shameful said:


> Yeah it's happened quite a lot, not much of a story to tell, they were all pretty standard. The only interesting one was a guy on valentines day who kept trying to give me a rose that I was refusing.


Haha why would you reject the rose, was there some kind of stipulation to accepting it?


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## Cotopaxi (May 18, 2014)

One time 2 girls approached me while I was having to work. One of them asked me if I wanted to be her friend. I told her no thanks and the other girl started laughing at her. Then I just went my way


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

crimeclub said:


> Haha why would you reject the rose, was there some kind of stipulation to accepting it?


I didn't want to deal with him at all, I just wanted to get away. I'm sure if I took it he'd take that as a signal that I was open to conversing.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Shameful said:


> I didn't want to deal with him at all, I just wanted to get away. I'm sure if I took it he'd take that as a signal that I was open to conversing.


Ah that makes sense, I guess that's basically why most of the times I've been approached I'd drive the conversation to a dead-end as quickly as possible so I can just get the hell out of the situation haha


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Stilla said:


> But then I should add that in my culture it's sort of frowned upon to be approached like that because we value our personal space. I'd say it's pretty rare to be asked out like that from a guy who's grown up here unless he's drunk or I'm guessing... the girl is a complete knockout. :stu


Nordic distance :heart

I do think that kind of approaching goes on in bars, in clubs, at music festivals and such, but I've talked to Canadians/Americans/Australian/Brits who'd tell about how they're getting approached at bus stops, the library and book stores and it's just so foreign from anything I've experienced or seen here.



Stilla said:


> I wish people would approach others in public with the intentions of genuine friendship! Imagine how great that'd be... In the end everyone would be friends.


It'd be like being 8 years old all over 
Although I doubt the reactions/results now would be as positive as back then.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

@mezzoforte








It's sad how that made my day. I'm definitely not gorgeous by any means. 
Some were more attractive than others just seemed very confident. They always strike me as the types of guys who do it 10+ times a day though. Like last time I gave the guy my number in a moment of weakness and I swear he was gonna do a happy dance at the spot. I could just imagine how many times he's doing that in a day with no luck of number due to being too pushy.

@Milco all of those times happened in broad day light. Bus stops, walking home from school, libraries and such. O_O BUT these were not scandinavians obviously so I think that sort of explains it. I think another thing is that since I don't look like I come from here maybe they think I'm more open to being approached like that. :stu


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Stilla said:


> @*Milco* all of those times happened in broad day light. Bus stops, walking home from school, libraries and such. O_O BUT these were not scandinavians obviously so I think that sort of explains it. I think another thing is that since I don't look like I come from here maybe they think I'm more open to being approached like that. :stu


I don't know if I've just learnt some completely different values from other people, but I've generally thought you should try to only engage other people when they're open to being engaged and always leave them room to back out if they're not into it. That kinda rules out many of those situations.
I don't think what culture you might look to come from matters that much. I think it's about where the person doing the approaching is from. Most other cultures don't have the same boundaries and norms as we do.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Ive been approached directly once.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Only before I was 15, so I don't think that really counts.

(although there was one time at a music festival....but I think she just wanted some of my water :sus)



Stilla said:


> It's sad how that made my day. I'm definitely not gorgeous by any means.


Yes you are! Don't be silly


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

TicklemeRingo said:


> (although there was one time at a music festival....but I think she just wanted some of my water :sus)


Did you give it to her? :um


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Milco said:


> Did you give it to her? :um


Yes :sigh


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

@Milco I agree with you, it probably has something to do with that were they come they have different kinds of personal boundaries than over here. 
90% of these guys did not care about the cues that I was not interested in talking to them (other 10% got mad that I made them feel like they made me uncomfortable) and they all approached before even making any sort of eye contact.

It weirds me out everytime it happens because it really is so culturally different than what I'm used to. Passive = normal here... When dealing with strangers I'd think smiling and saying hi (and hoping you'll see them again), honking (and then drive away), or asking someone for directions (while being ambiguously flirtatious) would be normal ways of making known that you're somewhat interested but it really can mean anything so there's no risk of rejection. I guess people don't call us passive aggressive and reserved for nuthin. :b


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Yes :sigh


:um

Damn mind in the gutter today, don't mind me


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Has anyone had a cold approach experience that went well and you ended up dating that person? Or did you guys reject these people? :b


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Stilla said:


> :um
> 
> Damn mind in the gutter today, don't mind me


Oh it crossed my mind too, believe me. But I like to think I raise the tone around here....

She swallowed my water, Stilla :blank I gave it to her and she swallowed it.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Stilla said:


> :um
> 
> Damn mind in the gutter today, don't mind me


Your mind is in exactly the right place :b


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> Has anyone had a cold approach experience that went well and you ended up dating that person? Or did you guys reject these people? :b


Eww no, like @Stilla said, you do not go out with that type of guy.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

TicklemeRingo said:


> She swallowed my water, Stilla :blank I gave it to her and she swallowed it.


:eek I'm too young for this...


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Shameful said:


> Eww no, like @Stilla said, you do not go out with that type of guy.


You do not go out with the type of guy who approaches women? How have you met guys then? (Just curious) Online or by being friends with them first?


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Cotopaxi said:


> One time 2 girls approached me while I was having to work. One of them asked me if I wanted to be her friend. I told her no thanks and the other girl started laughing at her. Then I just went my way


This reminds me of one time at a festival this cute drunk guy asked my friend AND me if he could be our bf. :lol

Maybe you would have been best friends and I'd still be in that poly relationship today if we had just said yes.

*what ifs*


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

mezzoforte said:


> You do not go out with the type of guy who approaches women? How have you met guys then? (Just curious) Online or by being friends with them first?


I have little to no experience with this but I think a lot of people get to know each other in school or work and then take it gradually from there.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

mezzoforte said:


> Has anyone had a cold approach experience that went well and you ended up dating that person? Or did you guys reject these people? :b


Hahaha cold-approaches going beyond one or two dates? What romcom are we in right now? :b


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

crimeclub said:


> Hahaha cold-approaches going beyond one or two dates? What romcom are we in right now? :b


Well getting one or two dates from a cold approach would count as a positive experience to me. :b It just seems like most people have rejected the person on the spot.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are you classifying cold approaches as in the interaction had to end in the direct asking of date? 

In that case no I've never been cold approached and directly asked on a date before. I was asked out by a girl in the past, but we were co-workers and I did all the initial approaching and talking.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

mezzoforte said:


> :eek I'm too young for this...


Are you? Ooops! :door

"Taxi!"


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I did have a neighbor when I was 14 tell me that she thought I was cute. I voted no because she might have been joking with me.


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## GotAnxiety (Oct 14, 2011)

Actually every time, I think I mostly did date someone was because they asked me out.

Honestly, That last person I blew off, I feel bad because I never hooked up with her and got the chance to know her, It feels like daysavo of the past.

I guess in her mind, She label me to make her self feel better, SO she was probably thinking oh, He probably a pedofile he likes only young young, Girls or something.

Instead its because of my anxiety and I like keeping myself secretive to protect myself, So I can't be attacked but it led me to psychologically being attacked anyways in my mind.

What if as if I commited a sin by not trying to at least take the time to get to know her and show her some crazy sex at least, Then I could of worked my way to all her friends and start knocking them off one by one like notches on my belts LOLOLOLOLZ,

Okay maybe minus that last part, Such a prev.

Like lord of the rings when they are defending helms held against the orc's with the dwarf and the elf.

91! 92! 93! 94!


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> Has anyone had a cold approach experience that went well and you ended up dating that person? Or did you guys reject these people? :b


I've been "cold approached" a few times in the past, but this is the only one that stands out:

I was at a bus stop, and I noticed these two guys who were also waiting for the bus. I noticed one of them more than the other because half of his hair was bright green, and he had a really blatant punk rock style, and I thought he was hot. :b They were standing there talking to one another. I was a few yards away listening to my music, when suddenly I see the guy with the green hair walking towards me. I was all :um And then he stands about a foot and a half away from me and just stares into my eyes without saying a word. I felt hypnotized. :eek It was very confident of him, so it was captivating. He just stared and didn't say anything, so I was forced to say something. So I kind of smiled and just said, "Hi." He said hi as well and then asked me if I had a boyfriend. :um Unfortunately, I did at the time (we broke up two weeks later :mum) or I totally would have wanted to get to know him better! I would not have rejected him. I rejected all of the others outright. :sus Though they can be pretty convincing sometimes. :lol


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

A toothless prostitute once told me she'd do me for free, but I didn't count it because she was drunk. It was at a bus stop. Her client wasn't impressed.

I have actually approached a couple of girls, but it's never ended well. I don't do it anymore.


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## CinnamonDelight (Jul 1, 2013)

Yes. I was studying in France and had just done grocery shopping. When I got out of the tram I saw that a guy followed me. All I thought was: leave me that **** alone. 
He asked me what my name was, where I lived, what I studied, bla bla bla, that he wanted to get to know me. I can't believe I told him my name, because every time I coincidentally saw him at uni he followed me around and tried to talk to me. Really PATHETIC and ANNOYING. I hate cold approaches.

Then there is the supermarket boy. Evertime I walked into my LIDL supermarket, I noticed a boy (probably about 18-19 years old) staring at me like he was bewitched. If he was behind the cash register, he would always dilligently pack my groceries in a bag for me and gave me the bag for free. He never did that to any of the other customers, even if they were right behind me and next up in line. And then one day he put a little paper in my grocery bag which said his telephone number and 'please call me'.
It totally didn't want to date this guy so I never called him back and now I am afraid to go that supermarket again.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> She swallowed my water, Stilla :blank I gave it to her and she swallowed it.












Grossssss... she didn't check to see if it was Brita-purified first?


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

If cold approach means a person asking for your phone number or asking for a date then no. But flirting trying to get me to ask them out, yep. With one girl it somehow became a instant date and I got to second base in less than an hour.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Yeah if cold approaching means that then I've never been approached.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Newp. Come on ladies!


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## GotAnxiety (Oct 14, 2011)

George McFly said:


> If cold approach means a person asking for your phone number or asking for a date then no. But flirting trying to get me to ask them out, yep. With one girl it somehow became a instant date and I got to second base in less than an hour.


Then what george? What the hell is 2nd base!

Tell us,


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

GotAnxiety said:


> What the hell is 2nd base!


I've never understood this myself. :lol It seems like every person means something different when they say it.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

GotAnxiety said:


> Then what george? What the hell is 2nd base!
> 
> Tell us,


Hand full of the fun body parts.


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## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

I guess three times that I can think of..

Once in 8th grade, a guy I barely even knew... (I didn't even know his name) Called me over during lunch to sit with him and a bunch of his friends... He asked me to be his girlfriend in front of all of them... And they were all pressuring me to say yes... So you can imagine how terrified I must of been. 

The other two were in high school, one freshman year one sophomore year. Both with the intention of eventually asking me out. Turns out they were close friends, and it was a coincidence they both ended up liking me... But the first guy, came up to me in the hallway out of nowhere. (I didn't even have any classes with him) He stuck out his hand for me to shake, and introduced himself. Soon enough he started finding me everyday. I sort of pushed him away before he could gather the courage to ask me out. It was confirmed later on that year that those were his intentions.

The second guy did the exact same thing, a year later. He approached me out of nowhere in the hallway, and said he saw me every single day. And asked me if I had no friends. (I was pretty insulted...) Anyways, he happened to be in my English class, I just never noticed him. But he told me I stood out to him. He ended up writing me a pretty lovely poem that was a bit too romantic, and I dated him for about a month or two. His friend was pretty surprised.

Edit: Holy **** I just found the poem o.o


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Damn girl...


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## Karuni (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm female, and I have never been actually cold approached before. Considering how much of an anomaly this is, even on a SA site, apparently I am quite ugly. :/ Lovely bout of self esteem that I needed lately. 

I think I've had a couple of those "jokester" type guys who hang in groups and compliment/ask out in passing loser girls jokingly and then laugh afterwards though. I truly do not understand the catcalling/sexual harassment other girls claim to suffer from. I am not "blessed" in that regard.

In fact, my boyfriend is the only guy to ever crush on me before getting to know me. He talked to me and we became friends first though, since at the time I was with someone else I had met online. My boyfriend's eyesight is worse than mine (which is pretty bad), so that must be why he's with me.

I'm either an ogre or I must give off "I'm going to rip your face off" vibes... or both


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Nope. I'm ugly as **** though, so that pretty much explains it.



Stilla said:


> I'm definitely not gorgeous by any means.


lol are you serious



Karuni said:


> I think I've had a couple of those "jokester" type guys who hang in groups and compliment/ask out in passing loser girls jokingly and then laugh afterwards though.


I've seen this a lot. Don't think it's ever happened to me though - guys just called me ugly and laughed at me because i'm so ugly that they wouldn't even compliment me as a joke.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Karuni said:


> I'm female, and I have never been actually cold approached before. Considering how much of an anomaly this is, even on a SA site, apparently I am quite ugly. :/ Lovely bout of self esteem that I needed lately.
> 
> I think I've had a couple of those "jokester" type guys who hang in groups and compliment/ask out in passing loser girls jokingly and then laugh afterwards though. I truly do not understand the catcalling/sexual harassment other girls claim to suffer from. I am not "blessed" in that regard.
> 
> ...


I've read from several women here and other sites that have never had a boyfriend or been approached for a date and they are attractive and don't have a creepy vibe.


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## GotAnxiety (Oct 14, 2011)

George McFly said:


> Hand full of the fun body parts.


I thought it ment you licked her butthole or something, lol.

2nd base, Eh like the number 2.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

George McFly said:


> I've read from several women here and other sites that have never had a boyfriend or been approached for a date and they are attractive and don't have a creepy vibe.


Exactly, not getting approached doesn't mean you're unattractive. I know lots of girls who's only been hit on in pubs or parties and they're pretty. I guess it's seen as more acceptable to approach someone in those settings because people assume they're open to it if they're going out. Not being approached could be a sign of people being intimidated by you or assume you have a bf.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

Yeah I have, a couple times. One last year, and another a couple years before that.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Nope, never in my life.


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## SapphicDysphoria (Aug 24, 2014)

Not really. 
Once when I was 12 & visiting a friend an hour away, her neighbor came over with his friends and asked me if I wanted to go out with him because he was "desperate," but that hardly counts. I'd never been asked out before so I was actually pretty happy, but my friend got pissed over the way he said it and told him to **** off.


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

No. The closest I got was a random hug from this girl who had always been too beautiful for me to talk to without going bright red after a friend's wedding, but her boyfriend stepped in and told me to go home, which I was about to do anyway.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I'm actually surprised by how many people voted "yes."


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Milco said:


> Nordic distance :heart
> 
> I do think that kind of approaching goes on in bars, in clubs, at music festivals and such, but I've talked to Canadians/Americans/Australian/Brits who'd tell about how they're getting approached at bus stops, the library and book stores and it's just so foreign from anything I've experienced or seen here.
> 
> ...


Have any UK sasers been approached outside of a nightclub/seen it happen/know people who have been? I'm wondering how common it is here. People in this thread are mentioning being approached during daylight in public places which I didn't think really happens here, but maybe I'm naive and my experience is just different...


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Have any UK sasers been approached outside of a nightclub/seen it happen/know people who have been? I'm wondering how common it is here. People in this thread are mentioning being appriached during daylight in public places which I didn't think really happens here, but maybe I'm naive and my experience is just different...


I'm trying to think who told me what exactly, but I can't quite remember.
I am pretty sure though, that some people from the UK have encouraged me (and others in threads) to go to a library/book store as a way of meeting others. But whether that's because it's something they have personal experience with, or just relaying a stereotypical North American approach, I don't know.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Milco said:


> I'm trying to think who told me what exactly, but I can't quite remember.
> I am pretty sure though, that some people from the UK have encouraged me (and others in threads) to go to a library/book store as a way of meeting others. But whether that's because it's something they have personal experience with, or just relaying a stereotypical North American approach, I don't know.


It seems odd... I could maybe see it working for some people in my uni city, but I grew up in the least friendly area of the country. You might even get harassed trying that in this crap place lol. (I do really need to move but I can't right now)


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## xxGODDESSxx (Sep 15, 2014)

I get cold approached quite often.. at least a few times a month as I'm out shopping, running errands, walking around in a park, anywhere -- I have men that come up to talk to me and flirt with me all the time.

You have to keep in mind that if a guy will cold-approach you without ANY nervousness or hesitation on his part though, then chances are he's done it to countless other women before you too... I usually don't give them the time of day. :yawn


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## Melodic (Apr 16, 2009)

Only in clubs or bars the few times I've been, ages ago. But that hardly counts cause guys there will hit on pretty much anyone.. So no, not hot enough.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Stilla said:


> Exactly, not getting approached doesn't mean you're unattractive. I know lots of girls who's only been hit on in pubs or parties and they're pretty.


Um, that still counts as being approached, so obviously it still means that they're pretty...


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Have any UK sasers been approached outside of a nightclub/seen it happen/know people who have been? I'm wondering how common it is here. People in this thread are mentioning being approached during daylight in public places which I didn't think really happens here, but maybe I'm naive and my experience is just different...


UK SAS'er, never have been.

Not sure if I know anyone who has been, either. Once I did overhear a guy lock a not-very-interested girl into conversation on a bus off my university campus and then try and get her to add him on Facebook at the end, but that's the only time. And that shocked and stunned me because it was the first time I'd ever witnessed something like that happening and it seemed so bizarre and unusual.

I _think_ it doesn't really happen here, but I may only be saying that to save my own ego. When you read stuff (even on this forum) about US women having men falling all over them every time they leave the house, it's more pleasant to say "that just doesn't happen in my culture!" than to think there's something wrong with you for never having been approached.



Milco said:


> I'm trying to think who told me what exactly, but I can't quite remember.
> I am pretty sure though, that some people from the UK have encouraged me (and others in threads) to go to a library/book store as a way of meeting others. But whether that's because it's something they have personal experience with, or just relaying a stereotypical North American approach, I don't know.


I cannot imagine how you'd meet someone in a bookshop. When I go to a bookshop, I just go in, spent twenty minutes dithering about which book to buy and then leave empty-handed. The most conversation I ever have is a shop assistant asking if I need any help.

I guess if you saw someone picking up a book you liked you might try to comment on it, but small talk with strangers like that usually only lasts a couple of minutes and ends without even exchanging names, let alone numbers. I just can't picture how that would work. It seems so bizarre and unnatural.


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

I've got a Kindle so I guess that makes it even less likely that it's going to happen to me. I doubt it really happens much outside of pubs and clubs or whilst at school/uni.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I came to say no, but truthfully yes. But it was a guy... and I'm not into guys.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> When you read stuff (even on this forum) about US women having men falling all over them every time they leave the house, it's more pleasant to say "that just doesn't happen in my culture!" than to think there's something wrong with you for never having been approached.


I'm from the US and this never happened to me - imagine how that makes me feel, lol. I never wanted to be cold approached, but hearing about it happening to pretty much every girl except me is a great way to feel and to know that I'm bottom-of-the barrel level ugly.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> Um, that still counts as being approached, so obviously it still means that they're pretty...





Stilla said:


> Exactly, not getting approached doesn't mean you're unattractive. Not being approached could be a sign of people being intimidated by you or assume you have a bf.


I'll quote the part of the post you didn't quote then because I think it holds truth :b

I just don't think feeling unattractive based on strangers _not_ trying to harass you in public is the best thing for anyone to base their value on (even though I know from experience how easy that is). Especially because it could mean anything or nothing to why they would or wouldn't. Being approached doesn't mean you're automatically gonna be attractive to everyone the same way it doesn't mean you're unattractive for not being approached.

I still think for the girls who've posted they haven't been approached it's because guys could be intimidated by you and assume you don't wanna talk to them.


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## Fooza (Sep 4, 2013)

I concur on the intimidation, having a natural angry or a 'I'm not in the mood' face majority of the time doesn't help being approachable.

In fact, it's quite hard making friends generally, let alone getting approached randomly. 

For what it's worth, I wouldn't ever randomly approach a girl based on appearance alone. Dignity and respect should be picked over superficial urges, there's a time and place to meet women, if it's the right setting in a comfortable environment and sincere intentions, it'd be more successful. However I personally don't find all those in just random moments in life.

Each to their own, I suppose.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Of course, it happens in bars and clubs all the time (not for me personally.) Ive been cold approached in town by a guy walking his dog before, we ended up going for a wander around and out for coffee ha.


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Have any UK sasers been approached outside of a nightclub/seen it happen/know people who have been? I'm wondering how common it is here. People in this thread are mentioning being approached during daylight in public places which I didn't think really happens here, but maybe I'm naive and my experience is just different...


I've only ever been approached in clubs. Yeah i agree, seems us Brits are way too reserved to make any kind of move any place else. There are a few nice girls at the gym I go to, but will I ever approach them? No. Will they ever approach me? Absolutely not.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I don't think cold approach is about looks that much (or else I never would have been). I think it's about the culture where you are and it's about being alone in places where dudes are. For the people saying they're American and not getting approached, America is a big place, you might live in a really stuck up city. Even where I live, there is a noticeable change in atmosphere if you go a mile north or south.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Only tried cold approaching when really drunk, in a short period I used to get dragged to clubs. The times I didn't get rejected I experienced a few kisses at least if nothing else. I also got approached and then froze and kind of came across uninterested. Also annoyingly shy [anxious] and unconfident. These missed opportunities haunt me constantly and now I'm old and my chances are used up.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Stilla said:


> I'll quote the part of the post you didn't quote then because I think it holds truth :b
> 
> I just don't think feeling unattractive based on strangers _not_ trying to harass you in public is the best thing for anyone to base their value on (even though I know from experience how easy that is). Especially because it could mean anything or nothing to why they would or wouldn't. Being approached doesn't mean you're automatically gonna be attractive to everyone the same way it doesn't mean you're unattractive for not being approached.


In general, attractive people get approached often, and unattractive people never get approached.



Stilla said:


> I still think for the girls who've posted they haven't been approached it's because guys could be intimidated by you and assume you don't wanna talk to them.


This is the biggest excuse in the book used to make unattractive girls feel better about themselves. Guys are only intimidated by EXTREME beauty - basically, women in the top 5-10% of attractiveness. I had people tell me that guys were just "intimidated" by me...LOLOLOLOL if they were intimidated, they wouldn't come right up to me and make fun of me for being ugly hundreds of times.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

tbyrfan said:


> In general, attractive people get approached often, and unattractive people never get approached.
> 
> This is the biggest excuse in the book used to make unattractive girls feel better about themselves. Guys are only intimidated by EXTREME beauty - basically, women in the top 5-10% of attractiveness. I had people tell me that guys were just "intimidated" by me...LOLOLOLOL if they were intimidated, they wouldn't come right up to me and make fun of me for being ugly hundreds of times.


I think I have intimidated guys before, but because of my supposed neutral angry face lol.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I definitely don't intimidate anyone. I am a mouse.


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

Intimidated might not be the right word, but it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of these so called "unattractive" girls on here keep to themselves in public, being very focused on what they're doing. If you don't look at your surroundings, look people in the eyes and give the occasional smile, then you're likely to give off an "I don't want to be approached"-vibe. (I use approached in a very general sense here, not just PUA bs) This intimidates people in the sense that they don't want to bother you, as you look like you don't want to be disturbed.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Yeah, it's happened to me a few times. Once when I was at a community college library, I was walking out of the library and this dude was walking in and I think he said hi but I wasn't sure if I he did or not. I continued walking out and sat down on a bench. He then appeared in front of me and tried to converse. I didn't find him attractive so when he asked me for my number, I told him to give me his. Aaaannd I didn't call. 

Another time at another library, I was waiting outside for the rain to let up and this dude started chatting me up. I honestly thought he was just being friendly and trying to make conversation. That's what I thought until he started saying "I think you look good, I'm interested, do we you want to go hang out at my house?" I was thinking, "NO, I DON'T KNOW YOU MAN!" But I just said no, "I'm waiting for my ride and about to go home." His conversation wasn't bad until he asked if I wanted to go to his house. After that he asked for my number. And I gave it to him because his approach wasn't bad he gave good conversation. But when he called I didn't answer because even though he was kinda cute, when I asked him what he does, school or work, he said "you know I come to the library, listen to music, hang out at home." That sounded like a whole lot of nothing to me, so I wasn't interested from there. And his appearance was kind of raddy/messy, like he wasn't trying.

Then in college, I went to an event on campus and this cute guy with a well trimmed beard, I like well-groomed facial hair so that was a plus, started talking me up. I was shocked because he was attractive. I did attempt to converse. But of coarse, SA messed me up because I was nervous and dude walked off. That one was a missed opportunity. 

So yeah, overall not into this type of thing, not that it happens to me much anyway.
Yeah, I think I have that problem with maybe not seeming approachable in general because of closed off body language too. Something I gotta work on.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Stilla said:


> I wish people would approach others in public with the intentions of genuine friendship! Imagine how great that'd be... In the end everyone would be friends.


I agree, that would change the world.

I am slowly trying to build up to this, I would like to one day have social freedom, and by my definition that would be it. However in this day and age people talking to others in public seems to be socially unacceptable, not just in our circles.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

anyoldkindofday said:


> Intimidated might not be the right word, but it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of these so called "unattractive" girls on here keep to themselves in public, being very focused on what they're doing. If you don't look at your surroundings, look people in the eyes and give the occasional smile, then you're likely to give off an "I don't want to be approached"-vibe. (I use approached in a very general sense here, not just PUA bs) This intimidates people in the sense that they don't want to bother you, as you look like you don't want to be disturbed.


I get approached by random strangers all the time, usually people over 30 (never young adult males, unless they wanted to call me ugly). I've been told that I look friendly and approachable, so nope, another wrong assumption.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

All the time and I love it but then I also invite it by making flirty eyes and eating sexy or letting my tongue come out a bit so if you want to get approached maybe try sucking on your pen while you're thinking.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

I've been approached by gay guys, I think that counts


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Frostbite said:


> I've been approached by gay guys, I think that counts


:lol Seriously, my friend once told me a lesbian tried to talk to her and I was thinking how? How does a gay person cold approach anybody? I mean you can't just look at someone and assume they're gay. I would also think that their gaydar would be better at telling whose gay from whose not.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I get approached by random strangers all the time, usually people over 30 (never young adult males, unless they wanted to call me ugly). I've been told that I look friendly and approachable, so nope, another wrong assumption.


Wait what do these over 30 people say when they approach you?


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

seeking777 said:


> :lol Seriously, my friend once told me a lesbian tried to talk to her and I was thinking how? How does a gay person cold approach anybody? I mean you can't just look at someone and assume they're gay. I would also think that their gaydar would be better at telling whose gay from whose not.


The same way straight people approach other people and assume that they are also straight. :b


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Darktower776 said:


> Wait what do these over 30 people say when they approach you?


Completely random things. At Kohl's, a lady who was probably in her 30s told me I was so lucky that I am able to get small bras. Around two weeks ago at the grocery store, a guy in his 50s or 60s came up to me asking what I was looking at (I was tilting my body to look at an upside-down label) and then started telling me about how he's convinced that grocery stores change their prices on Thursdays. I also get asked questions a lot, like what card to choose at the Hallmark store.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Phantasmagorical said:


> The same way straight people approach other people and assume that they are also straight. :b


Yes, I see what you mean here. :eyes


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

seeking777 said:


> Yes, I see what you mean here. :eyes I just meant cold approaching may not be the best dating method for gay people because the chance the other person is gay is 50/50. And some of the people they'd approach are bound to be straight so. jus sayin.


Everything you just said also applies to straight people approaching people. :lol

I just think approaching is risky for everyone, regardless of orientation. :yes

Edit: Oh, an edit. :lol This is awkward. :b


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Completely random things. At Kohl's, a lady who was probably in her 30s told me I was so lucky that I am able to get small bras. Around two weeks ago at the grocery store, a guy in his 50s or 60s came up to me asking what I was looking at (I was tilting my body to look at an upside-down label) and then started telling me about how he's convinced that grocery stores change their prices on Thursdays. I also get asked questions a lot, like what card to choose at the Hallmark store.


Well that would suggest that, at least those people, think you look or seem friendly. Otherwise I don't think that would happen so often.

Does it bother you when it happens?

And while those aren't necessarily all positive interactions at least they aren't negative- like calling you bad names- either. I mean most of those seem friendly enough- except maybe the lady talking about the bras.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Nah, it's cool. I'm glad you quoted it because I wanted to explain myself. But I suppose what you're saying is true, a straight person could end up chatting up gay people too. It's bound to happen if they're just approaching a lot of random people.


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## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

Yeah, this has happened to me a surprising amount of times at different places I've worked and sometimes at school. I don't really remember a lot of cute stories or anything, though. The first thing that comes to mind is this one guy asking if we had any above ground pools in stock and I ran around the store asking managers about it. Then, he came by later and said something like, "I didn't actually want a pool. I just wanted to talk to you". I remember him being nervous which I thought was pretty interesting and cute because I didn't expect it of him.

I've only actually dated one of the guys that has done this, though.


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## Violet Romantic (Aug 3, 2014)

The person above me just made me remember that I actually _did_ end up dating one of the people who did the cold approach thing. :eek I guess I forgot about it because he wasn't extremely obvious about it. We were at a bus stop headed to the same school (as we had every day, but had never spoken up until this point), and he randomly asked me if I had any gum. :sus I told him I had mints, so I gave him some. Then he just started talking to me and asking me questions. It was very non-threatening. :b But I now realize that this was indeed a cold approach situation because after we started dating, he told me that he hadn't really wanted the gum that day, and that he had just wanted to talk to me. Sneaky sneaky! :lol


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

It's so frustrating how hard it is for me to approach a girl I don't know, all it is is risking 2 minutes of embarrassment and about an hour of self-loathing for the chance at a nice and fulfilling relationship. That hour and 2 minutes certainly isn't more precious to me than the opportunity to be with someone. Even if the approach ends up being a totally humiliating experience it's not like I'll ever see her again. I really just need to gain a little fortitude and stop thinking rejection is a fate worse than death.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Darktower776 said:


> Well that would suggest that, at least those people, think you look or seem friendly. Otherwise I don't think that would happen so often.
> 
> Does it bother you when it happens?
> 
> And while those aren't necessarily all positive interactions at least they aren't negative- like calling you bad names- either. I mean most of those seem friendly enough- except maybe the lady talking about the bras.


It doesn't bother me. I give off a friendly demeanor, and my ugliness doesn't bother them because they are not the demographic that women my age look to date and/or befriend. Unlike guys in their late teens/early twenties, they won't be ridiculed for interacting with me, and they don't see me as an embarrassment or as subhuman.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

crimeclub said:


> It's so frustrating how hard it is for me to approach a girl I don't know, all it is is risking 2 minutes of embarrassment and about an hour of self-loathing for the chance at a nice and fulfilling relationship. That hour and 2 minutes certainly isn't more precious to me than the opportunity to be with someone. Even if the approach ends up being a totally humiliating experience it's not like I'll ever see her again. I really just need to gain a little fortitude and stop thinking rejection is a fate worse than death.


I suppose if you try there is a possibility that you might meet someone although rejection can be hard to experience. But honestly, I think the percentage of couples who met through a cold approach is like 1-3 %. If even that. And you would have to probably approach and date a lot of girls before you get to the one with whom you share enough compatibility for it to develop into a relationship.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

Never by anyone worthwhile. A few nights ago was some hobo looking old guy, totally embarrassing. The time before that was some ambiguously gendered, morbidly obese person. Short, balding hunchbacks, the list goes on. The only way to get someone worthwhile is to go get them.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Yes in 7th grade, a girl asked me out in the beginning of the year not even two weeks in. I was waiting in line for my math class, when she walked by me and slipped a note on top of my books. I read the note and she was asking me out:shock. 

She was REALLY hot too, easily the hottest girl in the class. I was too shy to have a girlfriend, the idea freaked me out. I knew it was going to bomb because I would be way too nervous, so I rejected her  the sad part is that I had a crush on her too :doh

As if that wasn't bad enough, I didn't even have the balls to tell her no. I asked my friend to tell Her no for me, with the excuse that I didn't have time for a girlfriend:no


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

*Yes, and I've cold approached someone else*

99% of this happened at bars.

Almost never happens on the street. Maybe a handful of times in my life. Happened recently on my walk home from work by some hispanic guy in a not so great area. He was asking where I was from and my name. Extremely rare occurrence. I was in my dumpy, stinky walk clothes. Only thing different is I had my hair down, rather than in a ponytail. Not sure if that makes a difference.


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## Citrine (Oct 19, 2010)

Phantasmagorical said:


> The person above me just made me remember that I actually _did_ end up dating one of the people who did the cold approach thing. :eek I guess I forgot about it because he wasn't extremely obvious about it. We were at a bus stop headed to the same school (as we had every day, but had never spoken up until this point), and he randomly asked me if I had any gum. :sus I told him I had mints, so I gave him some. Then he just started talking to me and asking me questions. It was very non-threatening. :b But I now realize that this was indeed a cold approach situation because after we started dating, he told me that he hadn't really wanted the gum that day, and that he had just wanted to talk to me. Sneaky sneaky! :lol


Lol, I had a similar thing happen to me in terms of asking if I had any gum...said he was hung over from partying all night and needed to freshen his breath -_-. I don't know though, seemed like he did this a lot...it was kinda random when he stopped me down the hall to class. Ended up walking me the rest of the way and asked for my number, but nothing really came of it in the end.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

seeking777 said:


> I suppose if you try there is a possibility that you might meet someone although rejection can be hard to experience. But honestly, I think the percentage of couples who met through a cold approach is like 1-3 %. If even that. And you would have to probably approach and date a lot of girls before you get to the one with whom you share enough compatibility for it to develop into a relationship.


Yeah I definitely don't take much stock in the cold approach, but every once in a rare while I'm out and I see a girl and I'm especially drawn to her for whatever reason and it's one of those times where when you walk away from the situation without even trying you feel a little heartbroken and it kind of ruins your day because you keep thinking about the person, it would be nice to have the confidence for stuff like that.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

crimeclub said:


> Yeah I definitely don't take much stock in the cold approach, but every once in a rare while I'm out and I see a girl and I'm especially drawn to her for whatever reason and it's one of those times where when you walk away from the situation without even trying you feel a little heartbroken and it kind of ruins your day because you keep thinking about the person, it would be nice to have the confidence for stuff like that.


Oh wow, man I don't even know what to say, that kinda sucks. It sounds like you mean you're thinking about the "what if" and possibility of what it could of been and disappointed that you didn't/couldn't try. Idk, any guys got some better advice/perspective on this?

This makes me wonder, have any of you guys tried the cold approach as exposure therapy for your anxiety? If so, how did it work for you?


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

seeking777 said:


> Oh wow, man I don't even know what to say, that kinda sucks. It sounds like you mean you're thinking about the "what if" and possibility of what it could of been and disappointed that you didn't/couldn't try. Idk, any guys got some better advice/perspective on this?
> 
> This makes me wonder, have any of you guys tried the cold approach as exposure therapy for your anxiety? If so, how did it work for you?


I know the feeling he is talking about. In the past, I've seen some girls that I was especially drawn to and would've maybe liked to approach but I've never been able to do the cold approach. Even when I was younger and had less SA, doing that was still too nerve wracking and, yes, scary to me.

I just never knew what to say on a cold approach that wouldn't come off as strange or weird. I certainly didn't have the "game" enough to get a date out of it- at least I don't think so. But then again I never tried it so I don't actually know, now do I? But yeah you can feel sort of worse for not even trying later on because there is always that "What if?" instead of knowing the answer for sure if you would've actually approached. Even if the result was a rejection at least you'd know and could say that you at least tried and gave an effort.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

I don't know if cold approach is a good idea for guys to try to get dates. I love getting approached and it's really fun and makes me feel sexy and I like to play with the guy and make him think he has a shot but he doesn't because cold approach means he's thinking about sex and I don't go for guys like that and I don't think most girls would. We'll just toy with you and then be on our way.


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## Deadhouse (Sep 6, 2014)

I did get approached once. 

I was maybe 15 or 16. It was just outside of a concert after it had ended and there were a lot of people waiting from the concert outside too. Then these two guys came up to me and told me that their friend (who was a girl) was interested in me and wanted my number or my fb. I think they said something like she was interested because "she thinks you're really hot and stuff" :sus which while flattering, I thought it sounded stupid. but anyway I felt incredibly awkward and people near me were kinda looking, so I just said I wasn't interested and they eventually left. 

I felt really awkward and kinda bad but I was also feeling pretty great that someone was supposedly interested in me. But I REALLY regret not looking to see who she might be because I never found out what she looked like and that haunted me for a while.  but judging from the way her friends were dressed and how they spoke, if she was similar then I really doubt we would of been a good match at all :no


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Nope

No one does that to me, I give off a miserable *******, dont talk to me kinda aura without even trying when I'm out and about

Which is probably a good thing because if someone did I'd probably freak out and dive into the nearest hedge


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Stilla said:


> I wish people would approach others in public with the intentions of genuine friendship! Imagine how great that'd be... In the end everyone would be friends.


I do, but it's not like people don't reject each others friendship as well. I've not yet been able to approach someone with the intent to date them.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

I've been sort of cold approached by an older lady but she knew who I was so I guess that doesn't count? And a lady at the grocery store I was so freaked out that I don't remember what she said I just remember saying 'No, sorry'. lol she started talking to me and I just stared at her like completely not listening to what she said. I knew she was asking me if I was interested in doing something with her. The response just came out of my mouth. I felt so bad later. Actually I guess I can't even be sure if it was a cold approach, I was in shock. I think it was. My ego says it was. -.-


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## spititout (Sep 7, 2014)

one time stands out more than others.
i was at the beach with about 30 others from my school. we were just mucking around with a football on the sand. i could see these two girls walking along the waters edge one was fat one wasnt i could see them looking straight at us. the non fat one comes right up to us and says hey my friend wants to go for a walk with you - and points to me. i was like wtf. i told her to "tell her to cool it" she said what?? i said "tell to her cool it!" (i dunno i thought it was suave at the time.) she was like whatever and walked back. all my friends cracked up. it caught me off guard thats for sure


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## C808 (Sep 22, 2014)

I was in the store, & a guy came up to me, and said im pretty. He said my earrings were nice, & asked if they were crosses. He is christian, and he was asking me questions..but i said I had to go. LOL... it was weird. I was like 20 & he was like 48. :|


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Stilla said:


> I wish people would approach others in public with the intentions of genuine friendship! Imagine how great that'd be... In the end everyone would be friends.


Sounds boring, I don't want to just make a friend of any women I'm attracted to really. I want to have sex with them - but call me a bad guy! Making friends first is seriously underrated I guess, but I struggle to make genuine new friendships with either gender really.


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## plarp (Sep 29, 2014)

Yea, last week a girl at my work just randomly asked for my phone number without any sort of build up or anything just boom: "whats your number"

I gave it to her, but she never called back:|

Anyways me and my roommate used to go out every once in a while and talk to girls. He would talk to the white ones i would talk to the black ones we had some success i guess. But i noticed alot of girls from class and stuff would just bait guys into hitting on them (eye contact, and pretending to be interested) when they already had men.

That turned me off to the whole thing and i dont think ill be doing it anymore


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

This has happened to me three times. Only one of the women was cute. As for the other two, no. The cute woman approached me at a bar. As for the unattractive ones, one of them approached me at Marshall's and the other one was probably at Austin. Sometimes, people would wait until you get near them to start a conversation instead of walking up to that person. Of course rejection happens. I have been rejected probably once when I approached a girl but I had two bottles of Coronas that time so. Anyway, that was the only time I've approached someone...when I was wasted. Pretty sure I won't do that again.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

*Yes, in a grocery store*

I was in line at the check-out line in a grocery store & a brunette lined-up behind me (I was their with my roommates & was chatting w/ them so I didn't notice her) ....I guess she was standing their checking us out. When I picked-up a juice from the cart I heard someone blurt out something...I turned around w/ a quizzical face & said "excuse me". She smiled & said "I like your taste". **Flirt Alert-->Mild SA onset**......I didn't know what to say :um so I just smiled & kept on moving. I felt bad afterwards for leaving her hanging but there was no way I was going to flirt infront of my roommates while standing at the check-out line.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

*You are a SMART lady*



xxGODDESSxx said:


> I get cold approached quite often.. at least a few times a month as I'm out shopping, running errands, walking around in a park, anywhere -- I have men that come up to talk to me and flirt with me all the time.
> 
> You have to keep in mind that if a guy will cold-approach you without ANY nervousness or hesitation on his part though, then chances are he's done it to countless other women before you too... I usually don't give them the time of day. :yawn


:teeth


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

*They don't use gaydar...they are trying to convert folks*



seeking777 said:


> :lol Seriously, my friend once told me a lesbian tried to talk to her and I was thinking how? How does a gay person cold approach anybody? I mean you can't just look at someone and assume they're gay. I would also think that their gaydar would be better at telling whose gay from whose not.


If gay folks in SoCal spot a relatively handsome guy in a mall w/o a girl..they are automatically going to holla'.......it happens every day.


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## xxGODDESSxx (Sep 15, 2014)

MildSA said:


> :teeth


Thank you, thank you. :b
Experience tends to make you more discriminating..


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## plarp (Sep 29, 2014)

MildSA said:


> I was in line at the check-out line in a grocery store & a brunette lined-up behind me (I was their with my roommates & was chatting w/ them so I didn't notice her) ....I guess she was standing their checking us out. When I picked-up a juice from the cart I heard someone blurt out something...I turned around w/ a quizzical face & said "excuse me". She smiled & said *"I like your taste"*. **Flirt Alert-->Mild SA onset**......I didn't know what to say :um so I just smiled & kept on moving. I felt bad afterwards for leaving her hanging but there was no way I was going to flirt infront of my roommates while standing at the check-out line.


cant you tell she wanted the D?


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

xxGODDESSxx said:


> Thank you, thank you. :b
> Experience tends to make you more discriminating..


Well in the spirit of the topic-->


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

plarp said:


> cant you tell she wanted the D?


She seemed like a one of "us (she was by herself in a college town & was relatively attractive to be single). Getting laid wasn't on my mind at that moment..... I just felt bad that I dismissed her effort to initiate a conversation b/c I know how much guts it takes for a girl w/ SA to cold-holla'


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## plarp (Sep 29, 2014)

awww, attractive girls who are introverted are gems.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No women here have cold approached? according to the poll.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

I've been given a # by twice by girls while working at a job over the summer.

And in high school I had a girl _really_ blatantly try to come on to me in gym class. I have no idea what I did to inspire that, and she eventually gave up cause I never reciprocated interest being the anxious/depressed mess I was at the time, but she had absolutely no reservations about letting me know of her (sexual) interest.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

These are a couple experiences I can think of off the top of my head where I realized they were attempting to make a move :

One time I went to this summer camp and three guys there liked me. I only found out after it was over and all three of them confessed on AIM (good ol days). -_- Welp. I actually had a crush on one of them and might have dated him if he had actually acted like he wanted to spend 3 seconds with me while we were in the same zipcode.

I had a guy blatantly stalk me out of nowhere. I guess it doesn't count as cold _approaching_ since he just followed me around for a year and didn't actually speak to me. Oh wait he did leave a creepy letter at my doorstep, which I couldn't read but my father did.

The guy working at panda express kept telling me how I look Lebanese and went on and on about how he was Lebanese and we were both Lebanese-looking every time I went there after work. I'm not Lebanese. I don't know if he was just weird or was trying to hit on me. 

An old (as in 50s) guy came to my job one time and gave me a love poem he wrote for me. Then he kept coming back and asking me about my whole life as I checked out his item at the register. I started to hide behind the shelves whenever he showed up.

At my most recent job this one guy told me about some song with my name in it, and then kept asking me if I had listened to it every time I saw him. Every single time. Finally when he realized I wasn't gonna go look it up on my own, he stopped me in the middle of the hallway to make me listen to it on his phone as my coworkers watched with judging eyes. Oh and he sang part of it out loud. -_-

What up with this crap. :stu Cold approaches would have been a relief.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

diamondheart89 said:


> I had a guy blatantly stalk me out of nowhere. I guess it doesn't count as cold _approaching_ since he just followed me around for a year and didn't actually speak to me. Oh wait he did leave a creepy letter at my doorstep, which I couldn't read but my father did.


All I wanted to do was let you know that you had the tag hanging out the back of your shirt.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

i count like 6 or 7 times, which sounds like a lot for a guy but it doesn't feel like it

edit* 

counting girls who didn't blatanly ask me out, i would say more than no less than 20 but no more than 27 because im not sure about the other 7


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

AussiePea said:


> All I wanted to do was let you know that you had the tag hanging out the back of your shirt.


:spit


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I haven't been cold approached out in public for a long time. I have been cold approached at work from a few customers, but it was under the guise of asking for my help so I don't know if that counts or not.

Like this one girl asked me to help her find the stack of clothes that she "misplaced" and wanted to buy in order to start a conversation. While we were talking though she steered us right to where she left the clothes on the end of a rack so I knew she didn't really misplace them. My first clue was that she wasn't looking around for the missing clothes whatsoever until we came right to the spot she had placed them.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

*LMAO*



diamondheart89 said:


> Finally when he realized I wasn't gonna go look it up on my own, he stopped me in the middle of the hallway to make me listen to it on his phone as my coworkers watched with judging eyes. Oh and he sang part of it out loud. -_-


:haha


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## rainynights (Aug 23, 2014)

mezzoforte said:


> Has someone you barely knew (or didn't know at all) ever approached you and asked you out? Or even just approached you with the desire to get to know you, so they could ask you out at a later time?
> 
> If so, share the story.


cold approach? never heard that one before. I had a starbucks girl smile at me while asking me for my order. Then 5 seconds later she goes " i love your necklace" I took it that she wanted to get her brains blown by my exceptionally large dick. 

....my necklace was meh.

I was also at a party once and this girl i just finished playing beer pong with approaches me and just gives me a random tight hug and she bites my shoulder. It kind of turned me on, especially cause her ex-boyfriend was around the corner in the other room.

omg then there's this black girl at my work. She was really cute. I have a huge thing for black girls now. I was training her and it was her first day. She kept changing the subject about work and started talking about me. I took her on a few dates after that. She kept giving me the eye. When you get the eye it means " all systems go"


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## WalkingOnBothSides (Sep 26, 2014)

In high school I was cold approached by 6 girls, but I think half of them were joking and the others were too young and soooo not the kind of people I would want to associate myself with. This year I was cold approached by a very persistent guy as well. He was kind of cute, but from the moment he looked at me I was creeped out. I would have said yes if he weren't so creepy. The fact that he seemed to think that no only means no only after the tenth time did not help his case.


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## rainynights (Aug 23, 2014)

euphoria04 said:


> I've been given a # by twice by girls while working at a job over the summer.
> 
> And in high school I had a girl _really_ blatantly try to come on to me in gym class. I have no idea what I did to inspire that, and she eventually gave up cause I never reciprocated interest being the anxious/depressed mess I was at the time, but she had absolutely no reservations about letting me know of her (sexual) interest.


lol i feel the same way. I had two girls that did that to me in hs. One of them would grab my *** while going to lunch litteraly once a week while going to lunch for like 2 years. I didn't know if she was messing with me or if she actually liked me.

Then there was this really cute asian girl in my history class junior year. She would always wave to me with a smile and call my name. She acted like she knew me and I swear to god I had NO IDEA who she was. If I wasn't such a weird kid in hs i might have lost my virginity at 15 or 16 like a normal person instead of 20.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Middle school.


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## kittys (Sep 26, 2014)

yes a few >.< only ones i remember clearly lol

i remember i was on my way to my college campus one day, and a car stopped right next to me as i was walking. i didn't notice until a guy came out and stopped me. he told me he was sorry and he saw me walking by and thought i was really adorable. we talked for a bit about how our summer was going and how he was late for work (cus he came by to talk to me) and i told him he should go and he asked for my number, but i told him i had a boyfriend. he said it was okay and that we could be friends. my anxiety started to kick in lol cus he was persistent! in the end, he just gave me his number and told me to text him mine if i wanted. but i never did because i know my bf wouldn't like it. xP

another time is when i was waiting at a bus stop with my friend so i could see her go home safely, this car stopped in front of us and a guy was asking us directions to the train station and we told him where it was. out of nowhere, he was like "so uh, you girls wanna go clubbing?" right then and there my mind just shut off haha my anxiety just made me deaf and i couldn't hear anything he was saying and my friend tried her best to get rid of him lol to this day, she never lets that go! XD i couldn't help her ;u;


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

Twice in recent memory.

The first one was at the bar I frequent. I don't really find her physically attractive, she's a little older than me and I think she has a kid. I've run into her a few times now and she usually starts following me around and buying me drinks. She gets really grabby and I really don't like to be touched. On the plus side she's outgoing and easy to talk to so it makes my solo bar experiences go by faster.

The other one was some woman at the club I usually go to. She looked pretty trashy and I did not find her attractive at all....I'm pretty sure she hit on every guy there at some point.


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## razzleDazzle2150 (Sep 27, 2014)

every time ive been cold approached, the guy wanted to just hook up! Yes, they straight up tell me : * go have some fun*?!!! 
ugh, I'm a shy girl so idk why they assume I'm easy


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## razzleDazzle2150 (Sep 27, 2014)

* wanna go


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

I'm not entirely sure because I'm in so many multi-cultural places, ranging in extremes from _don't touch me you might be about to kill me_ to *hi hello stranger let me buy you cookies*. Contrary to popular belief among horny virgins, what goes on in pickup videos isn't common in many places so the reasons why someone is randomly approaching you are only sometimes obvious. If I didn't know that a lot of these people are coming from countries or families where being friendly and talkative to strangers is viewed as not weird, I'd probably assume so.

The cookies thing actually happened but was deflected with bonjour we are sassy reserved French family.

(your countries are so friendly how do you even have wars over there)


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

mezzoforte said:


> I think I have intimidated guys before, but because of my supposed neutral angry face lol.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

Too many times. Insurance, multi-level marketing, surveys etc.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

mezzoforte said:


> Has someone you barely knew (or didn't know at all) ever approached you and asked you out?* Or even just approached you with the desire to get to know you, *so they could ask you out at a later time?
> 
> If so, share the story.


yes in fact it happened last wednesay...

exchanged numbers but i never txt back bc i feel so much shame

being 23, and living in a hotel :blah blah

.....

then later, maybe some weeks ago, when I was at a vending machine.. told him I wanted to work on me/get myself together and he bounced..


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## roxybudgy (Jan 26, 2015)

I don't know if this counts as a cold approach. In high school, there was one guy in the same math class as me, he wasn't in any of my other classes.

After eating lunch, I normally spent my lunch breaks reading in the library, and there were a few occasions where he would come in with one of his friends and sit next to me. He didn't usually try to say anything to me, he just kept talking to his friends and making jokes, and I just ignored him and kept reading.

One day he approached me while I was still eating my lunch. He was with one of his friends and couldn't seem to keep a straight face as he asked me to go out with him. Although I thought he was kind of cute, his demeanor made me think that this was just one big joke, so I turned him down.


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## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

No, never been approached.

Never approached anyone either.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Necro bump...good job fellow SASers.

I have not been cold approached by a woman. Or approached in general by any women for that matter. I have been cold approached by a gay guy wanting to hook up. It was the most awkward thing ever.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

No, never


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I don't know, people have approached but I didn't understand their motives


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## meema (Mar 4, 2015)

I've never been approached, but there are guys who have watched me from a distance for an extended period of time.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

I was studying and a cute, well-dressed man asked me out to go swing dancing with him. A part of me wanted to say yes, but my social anxiety was so bad at the time that I rejected him. I kind of regret it.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Every time I go out in public which is like twice a year.


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

Yes, at least three times. Two-thirds of those encounters I was scared and feared for my safety and wanted to get away as soon as they came up to me. They came on wayyy too strong.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

huh said:


> Necro bump...good job fellow SASers.
> 
> I have not been cold approached by a woman. Or approached in general by any women for that matter. I have been cold approached by a gay guy wanting to hook up. It was the most awkward thing ever.


*Thread Resurrection!*
"Unnoomaanaa Chicka!! Chicka!!ChICKA "





Umm, when I was younger and more handsome, yes I was hit on by a few girls that were strangers, though due to my SA I simply got out of there as soon as possible, wow how pathetic... Now that I'm older and my looks waned, I'm filled with regret lol.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

I think I was cold approached some weeks ago but the girl was in a hurry and also she was really talkative and I had a hard time keeping up. So it didn't lead anywhere but we had a long nice chat while walking through the city. It was strange to walk closely side by side almost as a couple Also had a front seat row at how much men stares at pretty girls.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Yes, a couple of times. They backed off after a while though *shudders*


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## aGenericUsername (Apr 7, 2013)

Do girls ever "cold" approach? If so, I must be uglier than I thought.

I don't think a girl has ever expressed interest either since maybe elementary school


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## mca90guitar (Sep 12, 2012)

Many times at parties, my SA doesnt show as much when im around a group of people having fun.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I've never been cold approached, but I have had girls have their friends introduce me to them, like, idk, seven or eight times I think. And it kind of just went from there.

Honestly, idk what a cold approach is. Just have a girl walk up to you, that you didn't know at all, and start a conversation? Yeah, that's happened to me a few times. I think it actually led to other things once. She was on the drill team in hs, had legs all the way up to heaven, and well, yeah, that was a one-night thing hehe. I wonder where she is and how she is sometimes. Probably with a husband and three or four kids.


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

crimeclub said:


> It's so frustrating how hard it is for me to approach a girl I don't know, all it is is risking 2 minutes of embarrassment and about an hour of self-loathing for the chance at a nice and fulfilling relationship. That hour and 2 minutes certainly isn't more precious to me than the opportunity to be with someone. Even if the approach ends up being a totally humiliating experience it's not like I'll ever see her again. I really just need to gain a little fortitude and stop thinking rejection is a fate worse than death.


Tell me about it. This is my exact thinking too. But for some reason there is some hidden force preventing me from doing something that holds basically no danger.


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## Smallfry (Oct 11, 2004)

Yes recently by one of the staff at the supermarket and it was awkward I haven't been back much since


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