# Virgin guys 25-35 waiting for that special someone



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I need to talk to someone who is a 25-35 yr old male virgin. I met a guy like this and he seems extremely sincere. He is great to talk to online. He is too shy to ask out girl's in person. He's too shy to make the first move, Kiss or hug the girl. Most of the time girls move him into the friend pile since they think that he's not interested. He's only dated, but has never had a girlfriend. He wants his first time to be with someone special and not just a one night stand. He sees girls as special, not just as objects. What advice can I offer him? 

If your too embarassed to admit that you are and want to talk about this with me, pm me or add me to msn.


----------



## redkit (Mar 14, 2006)

Why dont you become the girl friend of him.
I was shy but now I am an outgoing person.
I was virgin before I was 30 but not now.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> He sees girls as special, not just as objects.


I think that might be his problem right there.


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Why does it have to be a virgin? I think some girls are special...


----------



## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Haha...
Well I guess I fit that criteria.

I only offer what I think about such a situation... 
If he is that way, and you do like him, make sure to give him opprotunities to come to you. Encourage him to be a bit more aggressive and to not let himself settle for just friendship with someone he feels something more for.
He might be used to his isolation and non-talkativeness, and might not be too open with human touch either. All are such things he'll need to work on, bit by bit.
It's okay for him to think of a girl as special, but he also needs to learn not to let it get to him and be stuck day-dreaming about this ideal goddess he'll have in head. 
He shouldn't ignore any sexual interest he may have also. Use it as a motivating force to keep himself going at her and interacting, flirting, teasing, and whatever to keep the girl's attention so she doesn't just think of him as another "girlfriend".
Above all though, I think the best piece of advice I can offer is that he needs to have fun with this idea of getting a girlfriend. He'll need to drop the life or death seriousness of getting a girlfriend. Learn to be a fun flirt, learn like to act like a man and be cool. Change his way of thinking about girls as being too precious to touch and ask things of and instead have fun with them, get them to smile, touch them, hug them, be supportive, appreciate their beauty and such. 
Uhh, yeah, that's about all I'm going to say right now.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

If he's had dates, I'd suppose he'll eventually find the right one. Since I've never been on one, being 26 doesn't help me provide any useful advice about how to act on them for best results -- presumably the non-virgins are the ones who'd have useful advice for him.

You can tell him to have infinite patience and not mind being single for life.


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

Zephyr said:


> > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> 
> 
> I think that might be his problem right there.


Yeah. Some advice a good friend of mine gave me is to not put women on a pedestal of some sort. Well, actually his entire speech also included not allowing yourself to view anyone as better than you.

But I digress...I think the point is that if you see the opposite sex as just human, and not some special beings, it evens the field and decreases the anxiety and pressure. I'd like to make it clear this does not imply you should see women as objects or that you cannot see _a woman_ as special.

Not that i'm in any sort of position to be handing out advice. :? But it makes sense to me.


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> 
> 
> I think that might be his problem right there.


 :agree

That, and he's 25+ and still thinks he's going to earn points by actually telling girls that he's a virgin and has never had a GF.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

SAgirl said:


> I need to talk to someone who is a 25-35 yr old male virgin. I met a guy like this and he seems extremely sincere. He is great to talk to online. He is too shy to ask out girl's in person. He's too shy to make the first move, Kiss or hug the girl. Most of the time girls move him into the friend pile since they think that he's not interested. He's only dated, but has never had a girlfriend. He wants his first time to be with someone special and not just a one night stand. He sees girls as special, not just as objects. What advice can I offer him?
> 
> If your too embarassed to admit that you are and want to talk about this with me, pm me or add me to msn.


I've been told to never take advice from women to try and figure women out because I've been told they don't understand themselves or they tell you inaccurate info because they don't want to appear shallow. So it is good that you came on here to pose the question to other guys.

I'm quite similar to this guy except not in the age range. I think it is crucial (although against what a nice guy may think is right) to be the aggressor and initiator. You must push the girl and make her say no. If you don't push she'll push you straight into the friends zone. As backwards as this may sound I think nice guys have to force themselves to be less nice until the relationship has been going on for sometime otherwise the woman will think we're desperate when actually we desire a healthy relationship and want to treat the woman the best we can just as we would expect the woman to treat us as best she can. I should try following my own advice, lol.


----------



## Guest (Sep 6, 2006)

SAgirl said:


> I need to talk to someone who is a 25-35 yr old male virgin. I met a guy like this and he seems extremely sincere. He is great to talk to online. He is too shy to ask out girl's in person. He's too shy to make the first move, Kiss or hug the girl. Most of the time girls move him into the friend pile since they think that he's not interested. He's only dated, but has never had a girlfriend. He wants his first time to be with someone special and not just a one night stand. He sees girls as special, not just as objects. What advice can I offer him?
> 
> If your too embarassed to admit that you are and want to talk about this with me, pm me or add me to msn.


Does that pretty much sum him up for you? It seems that aside from having a lot of no sex, he isn't being credited with too many other traits. Surely there must be more important considerations when deciding whether to interact with someone in rl. However, if it's sex with him you're after, I would assume that you're going to have to make the first clear moves. Good luck, might be fun!

I'm not a virgin, but I haven't had sex in about five years, so I guess I fit the bill anyway  .


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Encourage him to stand on his own too feet. Be the chivalrous one, but only if the girl is worth it (most are, but like creepy guys, there are creepy girls). 

I don't know if I'd want a girl to be making all the moves. That's supposed to be my job :lol.
And, yes, unfortunately, I fit this category - only I've never dated either! :fall


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Because you think some girl is special to you doesn't mean you think they are some unattainable being and not human with their own flaws nor that you put them on a pedestal above yourself.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Futures said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> ...


Well I don't know if that has anything to do with it. If you're a virgin, you're a virgin. Lying isn't good.


----------



## Laura (Nov 12, 2003)

...


----------



## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Laura said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> ...


I think the problem is he's going to the other extreme. He should see them as people instead of objectifying them or pedestalizing them. Replace "girls" with "Americans" or "bosses" and see how naively ingratiating it sounds.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> Futures said:
> 
> 
> > Zephyr said:
> ...


I think many girls would find it wierd if a guy told a girl that she's really special and the person he's been waiting for his whole life etc.... I think it would scare many girls (major stalker alert).

Personally i would never tell a girl i am one. 
If she asked i would probably say i'm not but that i have not been with many girls. I dont see why you have to admit to being one or not. It's my business no one else's.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Carbon Breather said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > Futures said:
> ...


Yes I agree with that. That doesn't have anything to do with what I said though. I just said I wouldn't lie about being a virgin. Doesn't mean that the girl is 'the person he's been waiting for his whole life' or whatever.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

What are the odds that this guy is playing you? Could he be lying about being a virgin, thinking that makes him more appealing? "Hi, baby, I won't use you as a one night stand, because you're special to me."

I'm just as skeptical as others on here about a guy being so open about his virginity... :con

Have a nice day,
Kelly


----------



## LoneStar (Jul 4, 2004)

Zephyr said:


> > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> 
> 
> I think that might be his problem right there.


Sometimes I wish a girl would treat me just as an object. Maybe I could find one then.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Hypatia said:


> What are the odds that this guy is playing you? Could he be lying about being a virgin, thinking that makes him more appealing? "Hi, baby, I won't use you as a one night stand, because you're special to me."
> 
> I'm just as skeptical as others on here about a guy being so open about his virginity... :con
> 
> ...


At the sametime he may have reached a point where he is comfortable with it and really doesn't give a damn what women think about it.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

LoneStar said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> ...


I'm screwed whether it's based on appearance or personality; both consist of anxiety which is a big turn off.


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

scairy said:


> Hypatia said:
> 
> 
> > What are the odds that this guy is playing you? Could he be lying about being a virgin, thinking that makes him more appealing? "Hi, baby, I won't use you as a one night stand, because you're special to me."
> ...


I'm 26 and a virgin (who has never asked a girl out, well prom doesn't count as I only got "Would you like to go" out before I froze up and luckily she was quick to say yes), so I meet the requirements, but I have no idea what advice to give. I need all the help I can get myself.  Some of the other posts have been pretty good.

But, I highly doubt that any guy would lie about being a virgin. At this age, most girls would be thinking what is wrong with you that no other girl wants sleep with you? Meet his friends and talk to them about things if you really want to be sure, but expect him to make some mistakes and be nervous the first few times you hang out.

I guess the only advice I have is to take it slow, but be romantic and do little things that show you are interested in him. But don't really take the lead, but talk to him and say "You have to take some risks, even if I say no, it's not the end of the world".


----------



## SunLite (Jan 4, 2005)

Make him feel special. Have a one night stand with him. Lie, say it was the best you've ever had. Then have 10 other girls do the same thing. 

Seriously if this dude had playboy models swarming and wanting to sex this guy up he wouldnt have this problem. That's where he needs to get to. He would feel like the fuggin man.

Being able to attract people and to have sex with them on a constant basis will change his belief set entirely. If he can get some good experiences as well as a mentor who can articulate how to attract a women and help him on that pathway he will change. No doubt in my mind. 

He CANNOT be too picky if he has trouble attracting and sleeping with women. After he learns the skillset he can screen for the type of girl he would want in a long term relationship and have long heated passionate sex with her and cuddle and do all the romantic things.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

SunLite said:


> Make him feel special. Have a one night stand with him. Lie, say it was the best you've ever had. Then have 10 other girls do the same thing.
> 
> Seriously if this dude had playboy models swarming and wanting to sex this guy up he wouldnt have this problem. That's where he needs to get to. He would feel like the fuggin man.
> 
> ...


That's playing with fire. Sex can be just as addictive as a drug. Having him sleep with lots of different women may just create a man that wants sex and sees women as a toy rather than a human.


----------



## johnnytightlips (Jan 7, 2006)

My God SAgirl, this guy you described could be my twin :lol It describes me perfectly.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Watch****
If you are over 25 and still a virgin, it's okay. Loveshy men just have a little extra work to do. We got through the worst of the peer pressure crap. We don't need anymore from these kinds of threads.
Please keep it positive.


----------



## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Nae said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > He sees girls as special, not just as objects.
> ...


This is a big problem of mine. I tend to do the same thing - to put women on a pedestal and see them as better than me. I then become so intimidated by them, as if I'm not worthy to talk to them. I feel that way towards most all women ... and the more attractive they are, the stronger I feel this way about them. I think your friend is correct is saying that women are just human and not some "special" beings. I have never really thought of it that way before. Obviously this does not mean we should treat women with any disrespect. We should respect them just as they should equally respect us. However, we shouldn't put them high above us as to automatically view them as better than us. (It reminds me of that song: "She's so hiiigh, high above me". lol)

When you think about it, that is why the confident, cocky guys get all the women. They feel good about themselves and think they are just as good and worthy as women are (in fact, because these type of men are cocky they may feel even more worthy). That has to be the case, otherwise they wouldn't be confident and cocky. lol. And also because of this they are not intimidated by women. The women in turn think, "This guy must have something to feel so good/worthy about himself and not be intimidated by women."

I'm glad I came across your post because I plan to follow your friend's advice. As you say, seeing women as normal people, no more special than us men, should help us see women in a more normal light and will help to decrease the anxiety and pressure that we put on ourselves by viewing women as "special beings".

Nae, thanks for posting the advice. It could potentially help a lot of us guys.

Lifetimer


----------

