# Therapy made me worse



## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

I went in becasue I was shy and wanted to be more talkative. Over the course of a year of therapy I feel like the therapist brainwashed me into believing I had some anxiety disorder and it made me afraid to leave the house unless I had taken xanax when before I saw him I could do it just fine. I would also leave every appointment with a lower sense of self worth. I stopped going to therapy and my anxiety got better. I was anxiety free for years and now its back somewhat again. My doctor wants me to see a therapist but I know the harm it caused me and don't want to go back but hes very insistent.


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

I'm looking for advice


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## Umbrella (Aug 15, 2013)

matt357 said:


> I'm looking for advice


Maybe try therapy again but find a new therapist. Therapy has been very helpful to me so far. The first therapist I went to wasn't very helpful, I think she didn't understand social anxiety or maybe we just were not compatible, but the therapist I currently go to has helped a lot.. It's a totally different experience and much more positive, so maybe try again with someone new and you will have a better outcome? Also taking an SSRI has been benificial along with the therapy, but seems like everyone is different. Anyway good luck!


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Maybe try again with a different therapist who has a different approach?

I tried therapy, but it didn't go well for me. I would either sit there and not say anything, or have some kind of breakdown whenever I tried to talk about what I was feeling. I always left the sessions feeling like a complete waste of human flesh.


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

I'm looking for advice


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Maybe try again with a different therapist who has a different approach?
> 
> I tried therapy, but it didn't go well for me. I would either sit there and not say anything, or have some kind of breakdown whenever I tried to talk about what I was feeling. I always left the sessions feeling like a complete waste of human flesh.


If it didn't work for me and dint work for you, why would you reccomend it ? lol


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results- Einstein Therapy actually harmed me greatly why would I risk it again. I can still go out now and talk with others and feel fine. I just get nervous sometimes before large social events or talking to girls. If I go to therapy again he migh brainwash me into beleiveing im agorophobic and I wont be able to leave my house for a year like last time.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

matt357 said:


> If it didn't work for me and dint work for you, why would you reccomend it ? lol


Because everyone is different and responds differently to various types of treatments. What could be an amazing cure for one person can cause relapse in another.

Unfortunately, I haven't found anything helpful other than heavily sedating medications. But hopefully you'll be luckier.


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## noscreenname (Feb 24, 2013)

matt357 said:


> I'm looking for advice


If by "advice" you mean getting someone to tell you what you want to hear because you find therapy and going over your past uncomfortable then sure, I guess.


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## Jenikyula (Nov 7, 2007)

Honestly, not all therapists are good. Some are great, and some really suck. So if you tried therapy again with a different therapist, it might be very beneficial to you. Maybe the second therapist you try will be a great fit, or maybe the fifth one. If you have insurance, then you might as well try.


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

Jenikyula said:


> Honestly, not all therapists are good. Some are great, and some really suck. So if you tried therapy again with a different therapist, it might be very beneficial to you. Maybe the second therapist you try will be a great fit, or maybe the fifth one. If you have insurance, then you might as well try.


 I have been to at least 8 therapist that I can remember, even more if you count childhood, and none of them helped.


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## Miss Awesome (Sep 1, 2012)

noscreenname said:


> If by "advice" you mean getting someone to tell you what you want to hear because you find therapy and going over your past uncomfortable then sure, I guess.


This.

I feel that you're going to shoot down anything I say, so I'm going to keep my advice to myself.

Good luck!


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## Common Misconception (Jun 4, 2012)

You can try going to different therapists, and test them out. Like Jenikyula said, some therapists are great, and others are terrible, So it can take a little time to find the right one.


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

Miss Awesome said:


> I feel that you're going to shoot down anything I say, so I'm going to keep my advice to myself.


Only if it is...

add vice





matt357 said:


> I went in becasue I was shy and wanted to be more talkative.


So talking in private with a single person about yourself is going to liberate you and turn you into a graceful social butterfly?

Maybe something like dance, or taking up a job where interfacing with the public in a leadership role will help you?

That's what I did at one point. I felt I simply lacked the experience, so I forced myself to take a job where I basically went around to a few hundred strangers a night introducing myself and the product/event/place I was promoting.

Sure, it was ingratiating at moments, but I did have a strong enough work ethic to continue through with it. No real worries, they were strangers, and I rarely ran into the same person twice.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

matt357 said:


> I went in becasue I was shy and wanted to be more talkative. Over the course of a year of therapy I feel like the therapist brainwashed me into believing I had some anxiety disorder and it made me afraid to leave the house unless I had taken xanax when before I saw him I could do it just fine. I would also leave every appointment with a lower sense of self worth. I stopped going to therapy and my anxiety got better. I was anxiety free for years and now its back somewhat again. My doctor wants me to see a therapist but I know the harm it caused me and don't want to go back but hes very insistent.


 Is it the same therapist?
Therapy is supposed to motivate, and it will stir up anxiety, but that is the point. Getting over SA is not easy. We have to continuously press our threshold up. We are out of shape in this area and need to exercise to build strength.


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## sophietje678 (Nov 27, 2013)

Maybe its cause therapy lets you face the fears and talk about them and you get scared by that


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

MrKappa said:


> Only if it is...
> 
> add vice
> 
> ...


thats a good idea but I am on social security (for other reasons not anxiety) so I would probability loose my social security if I got a job.


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

noscreenname said:


> If by "advice" you mean getting someone to tell you what you want to hear because you find therapy and going over your past uncomfortable then sure, I guess.


Yeah seriously. What is the point of asking for advice if you are just going to shoot down every answer, because you already have a preconceived notion of what "therapy" is and you don't want to hear any answer that differs from that notion in your head?

If this is the same attitude that you use to tackle therapy, its no wonder you haven't seen any benefit.



Common Misconception said:


> You can try going to different therapists, and test them out. Like Jenikyula said, some therapists are great, and others are terrible, So it can take a little time to find the right one.


If you were leaving each session feeling worse and worse, WHY would you keep going for a YEAR? Are you a masochist? Do you like making yourself suffer?

And its kind of childish to assume the entire therapy system is flawed because you had one bad experience with one bad therapist. Yes, ****ty therapist do exist, unfortunately. Its up to you to figure out what works for you.

_*Here are some signs of a bad therapist. The more yours has, the worse they are:*_


They never (or hardly) smile during a session, and instead just have this piercing scowl and judgmental gaze in their eyes.
Their attitude is negative, all around. They focus on your flaws and how far you have to go, instead of how far you've come.
You get the impression that they really don't care about you at all.
They push drugs on you as a primary focus, and put less effort/emphasis on talk therapy.
They treat you like a "patient" and not like a human being.
They don't practice CBT or REBT in any form, or don't even mention it.
In each session, they leave you feeling much worse, and with a sense of hopelessness.
You don't "click" with your therapist, as a human being. You couldn't imagine yourself ever talking to him/her outside of this predefined construct.
_*Here are some signs of a great therapist. The more yours has, the better they are:*_


They smile when they greet you, a very warm smile, and smile continuously throughout the session.
Their attitude is positive, all around. They focus on your progress, and not your defecits.
You get the impression that they actually care about you and your well being.
They recommend drugs as an optional supplement to therapy, but don't push it. They put more emphasis in talk therapy, and focus on uncovering your deep issues.
They treat you like a real human being, worthy of respect, and not just some test subject.
They practice CBT and REBT -- proven techniques for solving irrational beliefs.
Each session, you leave feeling a little bit relieved, like you got something off your chest, and a little more hopeful for the future.
You feel like you really "click" with your therapist, as a human being. You could easily imagine being friends with this person, or hanging out with them in a public setting outside of the office.



sophietje678 said:


> Maybe its cause therapy lets you face the fears and talk about them and you get scared by that


This too.

Therapy isn't supposed to make you "feel good." Each session may leave you feeling more positive,* but that's not the goal. *The goal is to *OVERCOME* your fears, and to _*TEACH *_you how to make *yourself feel good on your own.
*


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

^This.

To overcome SA, we MUST become vulnerable and uncomfortable. Our protective walls have to come down. We have to relearn the threshold of anxiety.


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

jimjam said:


> Yeah seriously. What is the point of asking for advice if you are just going to shoot down every answer, because you already have a preconceived notion of what "therapy" is and you don't want to hear any answer that differs from that notion in your head?
> 
> If this is the same attitude that you use to tackle therapy, its no wonder you haven't seen any benefit.
> 
> ...


you contradict your self multiple times here. First off I said I had been to _at least _8 therapists, not 1 and they were all horrible and didnt help me. Second off you say the hallmark of a bad one is if he makes you feel bad when leaving and a good one makes you feel good when leaving then say Therapy isn't supposed to make you "feel good". , then say "If you were leaving each session feeling worse and worse, WHY would you keep going for a YEAR? Are you a masochist? Do you like making yourself suffer?"


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

matt357 said:


> thats a good idea but I am on social security (for other reasons not anxiety) so I would probability loose my social security if I got a job.


Volunteer. They are the funnest jobs on the planet.

Not all of them. The ones where you immerse yourself into a community of volunteers to do relatively productive stuff can be socially beneficial, with some self discovery. I found it to be that way. In fact, in some cases, volunteer work has been the single most important times in my life, where working a job, has been the worst for my financial situation, my health, my well being and social situation. That's the way it happens for some people. Sure I'm not the only one.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

What therapists don't tell you is that even the most effective methods of therapy such as CBT and certain medications don't work for everyone, and eventually they'll usually blame you for not trying and people will suggest all sorts of bogus alternative treatments such as praying, meditation, taking some supplement, etc.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

CheezusCrust said:


> What therapists don't tell you is that even the most effective methods of therapy such as CBT and certain medications don't work for everyone, and eventually they'll usually blame you for not trying and people will suggest all sorts of bogus alternative treatments such as praying, meditation, taking some supplement, etc.


How is meditation bogus? It's proven to reduce stress although I wouldn't consider it a cure-all for SA.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

Peregrínus said:


> How is meditation bogus? It's proven to reduce stress although I wouldn't consider it a cure-all for SA.


Not really any more than placebo. I used to meditate and it only made my anxiety worse. Anyway, it's been demonstrated that the brain cannot be completely calmed by meditating on tests on the best of meditators, despite what some practitioners of meditation say.


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## matt357 (Jan 13, 2014)

MrKappa said:


> Volunteer. They are the funnest jobs on the planet.
> 
> Not all of them. The ones where you immerse yourself into a community of volunteers to do relatively productive stuff can be socially beneficial, with some self discovery. I found it to be that way. In fact, in some cases, volunteer work has been the single most important times in my life, where working a job, has been the worst for my financial situation, my health, my well being and social situation. That's the way it happens for some people. Sure I'm not the only one.


Can you give me some examples of certain volunteer jobs that you found socially rewarding?


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

No... I am trying not to say anything personal about myself on this forum as the last one some freak chased me around for 1000+ posts pulling up everything I said over the course of a year. They somehow got me banned.

Anyways... yeah, try festivals... the really big ones, that go for weeks out in the middle of nowhere...


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## xxsnapshot (Dec 18, 2011)

I guess maybe therapy just isn't for you. I don't really have any suggestions but I wish you the best of luck.


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## purechaos (Dec 18, 2013)

I'm curious, how long did you see these 8 therapists for? Weeks? Months? Years? If you tried meditation how long did you try it for and did you take it seriously? 

I don't agree that a therapist should suggest medication especially ones that are known for thier addictive nature, like Xanax. 

Maybe instead of simply seeking a therapist, you could seek out different types of therapy approaches, like art therapy, ect, ebt, etc.. or maybe group therapy. You could also convey your disinterest in medications at first meeting. 

I myself look at therapy with skepticism. I've been to 2 different ones, but could never make it past a 4th session. I was always left feeling rather indifferent and I never feel like I learn anything new. The only thing I did like was the confidential part of it. 

The only thing that has seemed to help me is reading a lot of books, and constantly looking at motivating pictures.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would find a treatment yourself and then have the therapist guide you through it.


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## Captainmycaptain (Sep 23, 2012)

Conquering SA is like trying to run a marathon. It's a b****, no doubt about it. Trying to do it with therapy alone, no medication, is like trying to run that marathon in high heels--it's essentially impossible. Seeing a therapist/ doing self therapy PLUS Xanax is like trying to run that marathon in a pair of state of the art running shoes. It makes the task a million times easier.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

jimjam said:


> Yeah seriously. What is the point of asking for advice if you are just going to shoot down every answer, because you already have a preconceived notion of what "therapy" is and you don't want to hear any answer that differs from that notion in your head?
> 
> If this is the same attitude that you use to tackle therapy, its no wonder you haven't seen any benefit.
> 
> ...


Great summary and comparison of an effective therapist vs. a harmful one. I wish I had your clarity when I was your age. I had more years of not being sure of at least what to stay away from.

I think I saw a therapist for a day or two who helped me face what I was ashamed about back then. But in a nonjugemental way. Some circumstances happened where I couldn't continue seeing that helpful therapist, bummer. Absolutely right about those therapists who don't care or actually have fun at your expense. One therapist even was eating snacks during our session not caring if he ticked me off. Another flat out yelled at me for hesitating to answer a question. I hadn't been back to therapists in maybe over 17 years. Most of them are quacks or not experienced or know enough to really help with SA. I suspect the truly effective ones are very high priced and only accessible to the elite or famous.


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## hunnyb (Jan 23, 2014)

i have had multiple therapists, the last 2 made things worse for me, one suggested i do something i was really scared of doing. i said i didn't feel safe. my barriers went up, i have trust issues, and i feel she totally ignored me. so i stopped going. at least she did write to me and say it was ok. the last one i went to, wouldn't even look at me, she kept writing the whole time. and when i said i felt that my mil was being very over controlling, my therapist said are you sure? in fact she often said it to me. i was so close to tears a lot of the time, i got the distinct feeling she didn't want me there. i was sexually abused by my dad, yes he went to prison for it. i was waiting to be accused of lying about it. also my animals are a huge part of my life, they help with my depression, and of course i talk about them a lot, the therapist told me animals didn't help with depression. that was it for me. i never went back. this was about 2 yrs ago, and still affects me i am close to tears remembering it all now.


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## hunnyb (Jan 23, 2014)

yes i do need more therapy, but the thought of going into a room with someone who will ignore me, isn't thrilling. and don't even mention group therapy to me, i recently went to a computer workshop with my husband, (he asked me to support him) i was hungry, went to the door of the kitchen, saw everyone crowded around the table where the food was, i stayed hungry until i got home. i can't speak in public, i panic really bad, the thought of everyone staring at me is impossible for me to deal with. yet i can go to the supermarket, i guess because it's my rules. i was seriously bullied by my siblings as a child, my younger sister threw salt at me one day, right in front of our mother, she did nothing. another time my older sister chased me with a picture of a snake (i am terrified to this day) i screamed and got a hiding for screaming. my sister says she didn't know i was scared. yeah i am a mess.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

At least 50% of psychology is junk science.


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