# Reconnecting with Friends and people who once mattered



## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

How does one reconnect with people who were once a pretty big part of your lives? Part of it is me-I've done a great job at isolating myself away when things get rough and subsequently lost touch or felt the meaningfulness out of once good friendships fade with time.


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## twistedlogic89 (Jul 13, 2013)

It can be difficult. Some people get tired of others who isolate themselves and don't think of it as them having social anxiety, but rather them being rude or not wanting to be friends anymore. You'll have to be the one to reach out and show that you want to reconnect through your actions, not just by saying you want to. Sometimes it can be harder to mend broken friendships than to make new ones. but if you really mean it then I think you will eventually be able to patch things up. Just explain your situation. For me, nothing makes things better like putting all the cards on the table and just being honest.


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## Ghost in the Shell (May 25, 2013)

Same here. I had like 3 really good friends when we were kids and we were together almost all the time up until our paths have split with school. At that point i started losing touch with them. I thought about reconnecting with two of them now, but i can't even see a way to reconnect with them for some reason. I don't even know where the second friend lives for sure, i can't find him on FB and the e-mail i used to have appears to be unused by him. The mail didn't bounce back when i tried contacting him, but i didn't get any reply either. I'm unsure about just dropping by at his doorstep one day and say what exactly? He was a really good friend and this is one of the biggest regrets in my life (losing contact with him). I... I don't know...

Because like some said above, if anything, it's easier to reconnect with old friends than with complete strangers who already have their own circles of friends and they don't share any history or interest with you from the past. At least in theory...


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Only friends i would like to reconnect with are my childhood friends. Which ill never see them again.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

chrool-
Facebook-I've thought about this but feel it would be rather weird. I never really used it all these years-I have a ghost like account which just sits unused which over the time (not recently) has accrued some 45 friend requests or so that I've left pending. I have no pictures or no activity at all.

At 27, to randomly start using it seems odd, and I think may raise some eyebrows and I'll get posts on the wall all along the same lines "where you been?" "long time you still alive?" Not too mention I just feel weird posting statuses and the like.

twistedlogic- Yeah I thought about being forthright, but I don't want to dwell into too much detail. I have a pretty good alibi-that I was finishing college and working for the most part. 

The few times I do try to reconnect, I just feel withdrawn because it has been so long, and we'll just hang out that one time and months will pass until we see each other again. If it's a group setting its worse, because everyone else seems to be bonding naturally because they have been hanging out regularly, while I seem left out because I have missed out on a lot of the social events. 


Ghostinshell-you should def stop by your friends door, especially since you can't get a hold of him with e-media. Just say something along the lines of "hey man, i was in the area and just wanted to see how you been." From there just see where it goes..


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I had a best friend in middle school that I wish to reconnect with but don't have the guts to do so. I did reconnect with him for a year and a half when we were 20-21 after I moved away 3 years prior. 

It's been 10 years since I've seen, and about 6 years since I communicated with him (through the old Myspace and AIM around 2007). 

He's married now. I'm not. I'm not where I am in life, and I feel inferior to be a friend of his at this stage in life. He was my best friend, vice versa, so I don't think he cares about what my status is as long as I'm alive and still his friend. But in my mind, in my stupid mind, I feel that I have not lived up to my peers. That's why I'm not on Facebook or any social network sites. 

It just sucks being your own worst enemy. That's not a cliche, that's really who I am and how I feel.

I also had two lady friends who were always good to me but I never really got to developed a best friend relationship with them, so we'll just say hi or hug whenever we bump into one another every blue moon or so.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I'm just the worst person in the world in relationships of any kind. 

I build them up and burn them down. I just don't know how to sustain it.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

Sustaining them is what matters. You just have to find the time to hang out. Why not reach out and also try to meet new people?


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## Pacotaco (Jul 15, 2013)

I don't know. I really really wish I could, but I kinda feel like I am a bad friend to people. I also don't have a lot of positive feelings towards myself, so I feel like I'm just this ball of negative energy and that I should just avoid people to keep everyone else from seeing it?

I have a group of friends I miss dearly. I used to work at the Wendy's next to this Starbucks, and got to be really close to the employees and the regulars there. We used to hang out there all the time. I was in high school, and I'd just lost all my friends due to a really mean rumor someone started to make my life suck. All these strangers just were my friends all of a sudden, and I repaid them by suddenly not coming around anymore. Why? I don't know. Shame, I guess. For not making anything out of myself at a certain point, for getting laid off from a job waiting tables. I felt like a loser.

Now I can't bring myself to come around there anymore, though I'm sure at least some of them still come there to hang out. Since then I mostly just keep to myself as far as friends go. Reconnecting seems awkward and difficult. :/


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## Pacotaco (Jul 15, 2013)

foe said:


> I'm just the worst person in the world in relationships of any kind.
> 
> I build them up and burn them down. I just don't know how to sustain it.


That's a good way to phrase it. I do the same thing to people, even if I truly really care about them and want them to remain in my life.


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## coffeeandflowers (Mar 2, 2013)

Pacotaco said:


> I have a group of friends I miss dearly. I used to work at the Wendy's next to this Starbucks, and got to be really close to the employees and the regulars there. We used to hang out there all the time. I was in high school, and I'd just lost all my friends due to a really mean rumor someone started to make my life suck. All these strangers just were my friends all of a sudden, and I repaid them by suddenly not coming around anymore. Why? I don't know. Shame, I guess. For not making anything out of myself at a certain point, for getting laid off from a job waiting tables. I felt like a loser.


You describe the situation very well. I have done this sort of thing all my life. The whole thing about "not making anything out of yourself at a certain point," yes, like I felt embarrassed about my bad situation because it got worse instead of better, or nothing changed at all, so I isolated myself. Bad move! And I am sort of waiting now till my life is more in order, when I live on my own and drive and have a cool job...but that could lead to a lot more waiting and I'd be missing out. People are much more understanding than I give them credit for. Well, some of them anyway. I really like several of my coworkers at my job now; I don't want to do the whole disappearance act when I stop working there.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

Facebook is good for that.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

I currently have no friends, but I had four close friends.

L only contacts me when he needs something. I'm not sure if I should ask to hang out. I want to but I don't know how it'll go. I helped him move and hung out a week ago and met two of his friends. It was okay except I didn't say much to his friends. Maybe I'll contact him. We used to be very close.

N lives across the street. We were childhood friends. I contacted him to hang out but he didn't reply. Then I saw him outside later that same day. I guess I became too awkward for him.

F is a negative influence. He's gotten deep into drugs and is generally manipulative. I don't want to talk to him anymore.

J was a good friend but we stopped contacting because of F's actions. 

There are a couple others I could've been friends with but F's actions pushed them from me.

I'm not sure what to do. I need to make new friends for sure, but I don't really know how, especially with my SA. I'm going to adult school this fall, but I have no idea what it's like so I'm sort of intimidated by it. I also want to start martial arts lessons or singing lessons, but I don't know which. I don't know which has more social opportunities and whatnot. When I get a job I think that'd also be an opportunity to make friends. It just seems so difficult to take the initiative to get out of my comfort zone and talk to people. I need friends that build me up and I can have a deep connection with because I'm an introvert. But I think I wanna try to be extrovert when I have the opportunity so I can actually have some sort of connection with another human being. It'll take time, but I know I can do it.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

Pacotaco said:


> Ipeople to keep everyone else from seeing it?
> 
> I have a group of friends I miss dearly. I used to work at the Wendy's next to this Starbucks, and got to be really close to the employees and the regulars there. We used to hang out there all the time. I was in high school, and I'd just lost all my friends due to a really mean rumor someone started to make my life suck. All these strangers just were my friends all of a sudden, and I repaid them by suddenly not coming around anymore. Why? I don't know. Shame, I guess. as far as friends go. Reconnecting seems awkward and difficult. :/


That's real messed up that someone spread rumors. Those are the worst kind of people. How long has it been since you vanished from this crowd? It might not be that hard to try to reconnect. I get the whole feeling 'shamed' part-that happens when you were once a part of a crowd, then you stopped. Just can't let it consume you. Your still young so I'd advise you as well as the others in their early 20s to try to hold onto whatever friendships you have. Trust me-it sucks when you get to your mid to late 20s and are in regret that you didn't stay in touch because you were busy 'isolating' until 'things got better'.

While you are doing this its also a good idea to try to meet new people that you come across and hang with them. This way at least you stay socially active.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

*Has anyone actually had success?*

It seems only people are struggling which sucks. Has anyone here actually had success, preferably in their late 20s with reaching out ? If so , how did others react?


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## Tomfoolery (Mar 31, 2012)

I can't be bothered anymore. I've tried reaching out to people, only to be blown off, or reconnect for a bit, and then the silence grows again. Communication feels like a one way street. I'm the one who always has to initiate conversation and keep contact. I've just decided to just forget about them. They don't need my company.


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## Scarlettskkye (Jul 27, 2013)

Just don't let your old friends take advantage of you. If they don't seem to care or make any effort in your friendship after you do, just let it go. 
It's not worth your time.


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