# Would you date someone with an incompatible orientation?



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I would have posted this in the LGBT section but I guess there will be a wider range of responses here. I know this is kind of long but please read because it was difficult to summarise this thread in a title.

Not in the literal sense because I suppose that would make the question irrelevant. But say you're a straight guy would you date someone who identified as a lesbian if they were attracted to you for some reason but no other guys, or if you're a gay guy would you date a straight guy? Or if you're a woman and another woman identifies as straight, or would you date a guy who identifies as gay?

Or like if they always talk about attraction to people that are different to you a lot and rarely to people who are similar to you would that put you off dating them? (note in this case their orientation is unstated or ambiguous,)

I guess this question mostly comes down to risk assesment, but also identity related concerns.

I feel like in general men are way more comfortable trying to get dates from women attracted to women probably because there are more who are open and talk about fluidity. They will assume they are bi or something and there's a chance. Where as with guys who are mostly attracted to men that's seen as a bigger risk for women.

And that generalises further I think. I think gay men are less worried about dating bi guys than lesbians are bi women (not entirely unworried and then you have the whole commitment in the gay male community thing since that's harder to get but comparatively.)

I think one group who is a clear exception to this viewpoint occassionally despite being male are like incel/red pill guys. I've noticed them increasingly complaining that hot women are choosing to date other women sometimes unattractive, sometimes genderqueer (they base their opinions on these individuals still as though they are women even if they don't identify as such and are their competition.) It's funny (not amusing so much as surreal,) to see complaints about 'those tiny pixie cut androgynes are dating women with model looks now. Bla bla millenial women because men aren't alpha enough they turn to their own sex' and 'why are they dating short females when short guys can't date hot women,' along side 'Waaa I can't compete with Chad everyone has to be hyper masculine to attract women'

Tbh this blows me away. I'd come across a handful of guys who'd post the whole 'all women are lesbians' (black/white thinking,) thing but stumbling on an entire discussion on the redpill subreddit like this one was just... Twilight zone levels of weird from my pov as not a redpill cisguy and I spend most of my time in groups with a heteronormative lens on reality. It's not an incel 'black pill' type community either these guys are dedicated to pua and maintaining and projecting a certain image but are talking about this:


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5mvuyh

And where do they live that this is being noted? Did they mistake 'everywhere' for Kristen Stewart's sex life? They specify millennials but I am one even at uni I knew several bi women and they were all in relationships with guys or fwbs with guys. They'd- OK getting off track.

This is, as usual for these groups, a complete contrast to how mainstream society looks at things and the kinds of insecurities they have. Outside of certain bubbles and niche groups men are more confident that their attraction will be reciprocated even by queer parties. Even if they're not they seem more likely to take the risk and make everyone an option if there's the slightest chance.

Not really sure where this thread is going now I went off on a tangent.

I guess to an extent society encourages this by placing people seen as male as the active partner who pursues interested parties (regardless of orientation and to some extent gender identity/expression.) I think this breaks down within queer environments into different roles but it's certainly the main view of heteronormative society in general and probably queer people when interacting with heteronormative society in certain ways.

What are your thoughts about this? I'm guessing opinions here will be somewhat different since people here have lower self esteem and often feel like outcasts sociosexually etc even if straight but yeah..


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

What for?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Chevy396 said:


> What for?


What do you mean?


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Why date someone without sex? For love or just to fit in? The reason is what matters to me.

Maybe I didn't read that part since I kind of skimmed over it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Chevy396 said:


> Why date someone without sex? For love or just to fit in? The reason is what matters to me.
> 
> Maybe I didn't read that part since I kind of skimmed over it.


Yeah you kind of missed the point that's why I said to read the post. That part was in the first couple of paragraphs.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah you kind of missed the point that's why I said to read the post. That part was in the first couple of paragraphs.


You're just trying to trick me into reading your post! 

Jk, but I have a condition with my eyes that they get fatigued easily by reading. Sorry, but I'll try to finish it later.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

If they were into me (and how much they were) that would be the main thing. It's almost independent of orientation (as we are operating in a totally hypothetical scenario). I can't practically see someone on the not overly heterosexual side of things being very attracted to me though. I mean whatever orientation there will be plenty of other people along to tempt them.

Since nobody is totally gay or straight though anyway, I almost feel this is an issue based on either what people say they are, or what they convince themselves they are, orientation wise. And since everyone is a bit bi (insert protests from super straight men here) its more of a personal construct kind of deal.

I couldn't read the (no doubt scientifically rigorous) red pill article, it just said "500" on the page, whatever that means lol.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

BeardedMessiahBob said:


> I couldn't read the (no doubt scientifically rigorous) red pill article, it just said "500" on the page, whatever that means lol.


On one of my phone browsers I noticed it brought up a message saying 'this subreddit may be offensive are you sure you want to view it' which I didn't realise reddit did, this doesn't happen on my PC so maybe I wasn't logged in there and that's relevant somehow?

Anyway I'll post some parts of it here (some responses are sort of accurate, others are dumb, at one point someone seemed to suggest that mmf threesomes were more common than mff which I'm fairly sure is wrong, some were people who aren't redpill, at least one responder was female and one bi guy so I guess it's not 100% echo chamber):


* *






> So, I wanted to see what you guys think about this apparent rise of chicks hooking up and "falling in love" with other chicks lately. I was in Vegas with some friends last year over the summer, and I noticed that lesbian couples were everywhere. Usually they were the typical, butch/femme or gender queer/femme couples, but there were also a huge amount of femme/femme couples as well. And many of these were very high SMV women. I knew that I wasn't crazy because by the end of the weekend, my best friend asked me if I noticed "all the Mexican lesbians" everywhere lol. And it was true, a large number of them were Latina women which was interesting as well. But I though about it and am now seeing it everywhere, where I live.
> It is a bit appalling to see sometimes, because I have seen many high SMV women holding hands and making out with these fat ugly butches. And I even saw a few porn star quality (HB8-9) women with these tiny androgynous chicks that were a almost a foot shorter than them with heels. Meanwhile, short men seem to struggle with women in general, let alone high SMV women. It seems to be a millennial phenomenon. My most recent ex also revealed to me that she was in a relationship with a woman for six years, but she never considered herself bisexual since she supposedly fell in love with the person(not because of her gender, which is strange and hard to believe fully). Yet they lived to together and had a sexual relationship (my ex was the femme obviously, and her ex was an obese Mexican butch with a shaved head).
> 
> So my question is, why does this happen? I know that many chicks make out for attention and all that. And I know that porn, gay rights and all that encourage it. But I am seeing many girls getting into full blown relationships with other women all the time. How does the red pill explain this phenomenon? What is the biological advantage to this behavior? Why are women choosing women over men when they are otherwise straight and hypergamous? (I'm not talking about full blown lesbians that attempt to mimic men).


some responses:

This was one of the few comments that wasn't useless trash, purely personal opinion or irrelevant discussion:



> Eh, women have more fluid sexual attraction than men do -- much more fluid. See this book.
> 
> The expression of this fluidity depends on environmental factors (culture, social, etc.). Today, lesbian pairings are "chic". Hollywood and the related supermodel world are peppered with it now, from Cara DeLevingne to Amber Heard to Kristen Stewart to countless others. For a hot young woman to have a GF is now not only accepted but celebrated in the media culture. So when that is the context -- lots of celebrity women who are quite attractive being in lesbian relationships, or going back and forth between being with men and women -- it provides a context where that underlying sexual fluidity in most women, which was always there, expresses itself more freely and openly. That's what we're seeing today.
> 
> ...


Unlike:



> Yeah, the girl who sent me on the journey here left me for a woman. **** her, she gave me something better than her worn out *****.





> That's how ****ed up the majority of men are these days. In order for a woman to have her alpha ****s party phase, she will get more of an alpha out of a woman than any of the men around her.
> 
> Men are spineless, and especially so in the current 14-22 year range. Any teenagers learning from the red pill will have a huge advantage in life.





> A straight woman would rather **** out than **** a beta. Always, from time immemorial til the end of our species' existence





> It possibly could be the reverse? They have underlying insecurities and there is a comfort in knowing they're the 'superior' female in the pair. A feminine HB9, but some sort of confidence issue, dating a similar feminine HB7 can feel good knowing even in moments which expose her flaws, she may never be below her partner in most qualities. Apply same logic to a butch girl, but her partner preferences remain closer to masculine traits.





> > Bi = Red flag. Most chicks say they are bi for the attention. But the ones who are truly bi are definitely ****s.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> We know that women consider most men unattractive. However, men consider most women at least somewhat attractive. I feel this is somewhat cross gender. For instance, a legitimate male 7 and female 7 are beside each other, they really have the same overall attractiveness.
> 
> Bi women (and maybe most women) will likely think the female 7 more attractive than the male 7, as far as them trying to be an objective judge.





> It's a consequence of modern culture. Gay relationships are not as ostrascized as they were in the past. Every movie or tv show nowadays portrays gay relationships in order to fill quotas and to normalize this behaviour. Additionally, we live in an age where men are seen as evil and sexist. The misogynist card is always being played against us in popular culture. Masculinity is no longer seen as a powerful trait because it's constantly being portrayed in a negative light.
> 
> Consequently, women start thinking that they no longer need a man to fulfill their sex needs. Thing is, they don't choose straight females as same-sex partners (straight as in, OG females with female traits). They choose women that resemble men because biologically their brains are programmed to demand a male partner, but culture taught them that they don't need one. So this creates a conflict in their brain, which results in pursuing relationships with the "fat ugly" women you mention in your post.





> > It's cause men are so ***** nowadays it's embarrassing for a sexy girl to be seen near one.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> Basically women can live can life without any consequences.
> 
> So they have no fear of anything.
> 
> ...


God forbid you dye your hair blue and get some piercings. (I love the specificity too like pink, red, green etc fine blue though. ****ing blue)



> good stuff as always tattoos and piercing should be almost #1 as crossing them out.


The dumbest part was how many of them kept equating 'sjws,' feminists, socially dominant woman, physically unattractive women, genderqueer women and butch women like they may not realise but that's an awkward grouping lol. The OP also seem to be using genderqueer as a synonym for a certain kind of androgyny (I can picture what they're getting at like skinny, short hair small frame etc, less masculine than butch) and then butch for well butch but these terms are not mutually exclusive.


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## CloudChaser (Nov 7, 2013)

As long as the prospective partner is honest with me about who/what they are and are prepared to accept my preferences then I couldn't care less about what else they are into. 

I really don't know why anyone makes such a fuss anyway. Say you are a straight man and sit down to talk to a woman in a pub or whatever. You have a little chat and she picks up on your flirting and politely informs you that she is a lesbian. Now you have two options, you either thank her for being straightforward but tell her you are enjoying the conversation and would like to keep talking if that's alright with her, or you thank her for being straightforward and politely excuse yourself. Unless she was being a dick about it, there isn't anything else for you to do. 

Things don't need to be so complicated and it's people on 'both sides' who make it so. Everyone feels like they have to be defensive and it's really irritating.


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## Erroll (Jan 18, 2016)

I have done more than date outside my orientation. I'm a gay man who has been happily married to a woman for the past 30 years. It takes extra understanding on both sides of the marriage, but sometimes it seems that the emotional connection trumps the orientation.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Erroll said:


> I have done more than date outside my orientation. I'm a gay man who has been happily married to a woman for the past 30 years. It takes extra understanding on both sides of the marriage, but sometimes it seems that the emotional connection trumps the orientation.


I want to know this story


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

Persephone The Dread said:


> But say you're a straight guy would you date someone who identified as a lesbian if they were attracted to you for some reason but no other guys.


i wouldn't say no immediately to her if she was a lesbian. i mean, if she's a lesbian, then there might be a straight side you could weedle out. at the very least, she might still find some arousal in an erect cawk and still give me a HJ....



Chevy396 said:


> Why date someone without sex?


err.... some people have an orientation called asexual.....


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## Erroll (Jan 18, 2016)

RelinquishedHell said:


> I want to know this story


There was a 10 year span when I was single and unattached and as gay as I wanted to be. Sex was easy to come by, but it was very hard to build an emotional relationship with a guy. I met a lady with who I could totally be myself. She was fun to be with. I kept finding myself wanting to spend time with her. Since I grew up when homosexual acts were against the law, and attitudes were not as near as accommodating as nowadays, I knew that I could never be comfortable in a homosexual relationship; it seemed that the world was against me, and I can't do conflict.

My wife knows my orientation and she makes allowances. I can openly watch gay porn. She even got me in touch with an old male lover of mine, who is now a dear Platonic friend. I have never been sexually attracted to females, but I have never felt so spiritually close to anyone as I do with my wife. We have sexual relations in our own way, and we are monogamous. I do pine after sex with guys, but what straight married guy doesn't pine after sex with a beautiful woman? I will never be able to do everything that I want, and I don't think that my life would be happier if I did get to follow all my whims. Somehow, it just works for us.

And if anyone who reads this finds themselves in a similar situation, contact me and I'll put you in touch with a forum of about a thousand guys who are gay or bi but married. Some divorce, some remain happily married, and some have FWB relationships with their wife's approval.


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## AlexTheGr8 (Sep 20, 2018)

I've had strong sexual feelings towards women in the past even though I consider myself gay at this point in my life. If anything, I was 100% sexually attracted to women up until I realized I was Bi at 16. Slowly over 10 years I have went from basically Straight to Bi to Gay. In my Bisexual days I used to hook up with both sexes and I was very fun at first, though eventually I started leaning towards men more and more since hooking up with them was way easier and faster than women. Does this mean I could still date a woman? If she's right for me and I for her, then absolutely. From my experience dating girls takes longer to get somewhere but its a more stable environment for a relationship to grow and flourish. Dating guys, goes from 0 to 100 way too fast and if you're not ready for it then you might get left behind. Also, sexually, Im no longer as attracted to the female figure and form as I was before, because like I said that part of my sexuality has atrophied over the recent years so much so, that I can confidently call myself gay.

Also to answer another question, I would date a straight or Bi curious man but under the condition that they know what they want and Im treated as a person and not like an experiment. I've had that kind of experience as well in the past and not only did it not work out, it went horribly wrong. 

I can't really speak for the women who have dated me in the past when I was out as Bi, but I never had complaints or jealousy from them, so they probably felt comfortable and safe being with me.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

As long as they were into me and I was into them then I don't care. I think people are too precious about labels. It wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. In a twisted way it actually sounds cool. When I was 13-ish I was obsessed with situations like Cynthia Nixon (who identifies as a straight woman... probably even still idek) who was in a committed relationship with a butch lesbian. 

I couldn't see the reddit page either but skimmed over your repost because I avoid most incel/redpill stuff, it just makes me sick. I mean I guess butches do have a sort of an advantage in that they can sometimes bag heteroflexible women, because they present more masculine and obviously queer, I've seen it happen around me... but it's really not the norm, I agree. But red pill/incel dudes really don't give any effort in trying to understand a queer girl's perspective (shocker, I know) because the lesbian dating scene is actually fairly hard to maneuver... possibly harder than the straight dude's plight (speculation as I've never been a straight dude)... as we are limited by lack of visibility and numbers and have to deal with a lot of the issues they complain about when it comes to dating girls on both sides etc. I guess if you were hellbent on getting action, then if you hang out at a lot of parties you could probably get a lot of girls to make out with you, but that's not really what I'm looking for I guess.

I might edit this post later and add stuff but I'm limited by time rn.

Tldr: I think labels are just organizational tools for society but they should never be mistaken as rules/laws. So it makes no difference what my partner calls themself as long as they are attracted to me.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Imagine being a bi guy looking for hookups only and explaining ahead of time that's all you're interested in and getting messages from strictly gay men who say they read your stipulations and they totally get it and they're looking for the same thing and then they want a relationship after you meet.

I flat out told them I am not emotionally attracted to men (only sexually) ahead of time and not to waste their time (or mine) if that was a problem. I told them in plain English and it still happened every single time. A couple of them were more subtle but they still wanted more I could tell. 

You would not think (I guess) that a bi man and a gay man would be incompatible but with that added nuance that one of them is only sexually interested in men (only able to have emotional connections with women) is the kicker.

EDIT - This was many years ago on a gay chatroom, BTW. Not on SAS! :lol


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I would be tempted to date a bi woman but my entire life would have to be different than it is so this is really a purely hypothetical.

I would be tempted (really tempted) but I think I would back away because the logistics and so forth would just be so complicated and even on the odd chance that everything lined up perfectly and it all somehow worked - it would be such a rare thing as to actually be a precious thing that I would not want to lose. And it seems like I would be setting myself up for pain.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I saw some bizarre things in Brazil. A couple times I saw totally out and out gay guys have long make-out sessions with women. Once it was at a small gay pride parade. Another time, the two people in question were in my group at the bar we went to. They were sucking face all night.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

KILOBRAVO said:


> i wouldn't say no immediately to her if she was a lesbian. i mean, if she's a lesbian, then there might be a straight side you could weedle out. at the very least, she might still find some arousal in an erect cawk and still give me a HJ....
> 
> err.... some people have an orientation called asexual.....


Not me, and unless I was mistaken I was only being asked for my own view, not others.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

gay people who are sexually into people of the opposite sex = bi in my estimation. not that that should stop anyone identifying as whatever they want. but still i see it as bi, at least to some degree. if a woman who identified themselves as lesbian but was sexually attracted to me (and wanted to ****), i would be slightly confused at their incoherent self-identification if they didn't admit at that juncture that they are perhaps bi or demi/pan sexual. they could at least call themselves an andysexual lesbian. and that's all that matters to me really, that someone is andysexual (not other andys, this andy).

basically the wider question (the same question that gets asked over and over) is "would i date as an experiment?" (whether i'm experimenting or they are). yeah, my BPD gf was an experimental, high risk of breakup kind of thing, and i knew that from early on. but aside from the difficulties, she was amazing. if someone is genuinely interested in dating me and i am interested in them then yes i will date them. in this case i would expect that the sex to not go well and to probably end things at a fairly early stage, or that would be the most likely outcome. difficulties could be mitigated by good stuff in other parts of the relationship though, if some things went really well. so you never know how things will turn out. its a balance between risk/reward.

anyway, i thought most people kind of enjoyed trying out dating different kinds of people. if you're attracted to someone and they're attracted to you, then differences are just interesting things to learn about. if it makes it not work out then well that's just a normal part of dating.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

All I can say is that I reckon I could get a lesbian to have sex with me.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

As long as they're not an idiot I'm fair game ... I can't abide idiots ....


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I would be tempted to date a bi woman but my entire life would have to be different than it is so this is really a purely hypothetical.
> 
> I would be tempted (really tempted) but I think I would back away because the logistics and so forth would just be so complicated and even on the odd chance that everything lined up perfectly and it all somehow worked - it would be such a rare thing as to actually be a precious thing that I would not want to lose. And it seems like I would be setting myself up for pain.


Why is it more complicated than dating a straight girl? (Unless you're talking about a poly relationship?). If you're on a dating site it's fairly easy to find bi people, especially women.

I've dated a bi guy and I didn't get very far with him but it was pretty much the same as dating a straight dude except we talked occasionally about boys/girls and could relate more in gender stuff too (I crossdressed as a teen, he was mistaken for a girl a lot as a teen and I think he crossdressed a few times too). Obviously the crossdressing thing was appreciated on both sides so that was cool.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

(Sorry if I'm misunderstanding the thread, your topics are often too complicated for me. ops )

I don't want to make somebody else compromise their orientation (because I'm not compromising mine), and for both of us to end up unhappy/bitter as a result of such a compromise. Plus I've seen how misunderstood my own orientation is (even in replies to this thread), so I know lots of people wouldn't understand or believe my preferences if I tried to explain. So, no, I wouldn't date an incompatible person. I've disappointed and pissed off enough people in my life, and they usually get really passive-aggressive with me afterwards.

Sometimes I guess I'm lucky nobody's interested in me, not even those _with_ my orientation. I'll never have to deal with this problem. :sigh



BeardedMessiahBob said:


> I couldn't read the (no doubt scientifically rigorous) red pill article, it just said "500" on the page, whatever that means lol.





Persephone The Dread said:


> On one of my phone browsers I noticed it brought up a message saying 'this subreddit may be offensive are you sure you want to view it' which I didn't realise reddit did, this doesn't happen on my PC so maybe I wasn't logged in there and that's relevant somehow?


A lot of subreddits were suddenly "quarantined" for some reason, and one needs a verified e-mail and to accept sub terms (on desktop view) to access them. Apparently TheRedPill is one.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

roxslide said:


> Why is it more complicated than dating a straight girl? (Unless you're talking about a poly relationship?). If you're on a dating site it's fairly easy to find bi people, especially women.


 Actually, dating a straight woman would probably be more complicated but I think I meant to say that any relationship would be too much for me. Especially if I was the same person I already am but fate somehow just plopped me down in the middle of a relationship with someone who miraculously didn't care about all the baggage and issues I have. So, realistically, the whole thing is just hard for me to fathom.

I think a lot of people probably read these threads and assume the people responding are healthy and reasonably attractive/presentable. I'm about as far from that as it gets. I'm a wreck, mentally, physically and intellectually. I can't imagine something like the scenario in the OP without who I actually am getting in the way. I'm not the slightest bit attractive. I'm physically unhealthy. I am unemployable. I'm broke. I live with my parents. I have relatively poor hygiene. This stuff doesn't matter so much when you're young but it gets more and more unattractive as you get older and more physically unattractive on top of it all.

So in that way, I guess I'm technically incompatible with just about everyone. Granted, I've seen people worse off than me in train wrecks of relationships in circumstances that I don't even know how they got themselves into such a mess but that is a big part of what makes this impossible for me to contemplate realistically. I know there's no way a normal person would want anything to do with me.

But as the question was about an incompatible orientation, I tried to sort of get my mind there and probably didn't succeed all that well. I don't know. I suppose that if I was actually relationship material for ANY woman, then I would be fine with a bi woman. I just meant it would suck to get the perfect relationship and potentially lose it.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I totally would if an emotional connection was there.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Imagine being a bi guy looking for hookups only and explaining ahead of time that's all you're interested in and getting messages from strictly gay men who say they read your stipulations and they totally get it and they're looking for the same thing and then they want a relationship after you meet.
> 
> I flat out told them I am not emotionally attracted to men (only sexually) ahead of time and not to waste their time (or mine) if that was a problem. I told them in plain English and it still happened every single time. A couple of them were more subtle but they still wanted more I could tell. a
> 
> ...


Actually this is very common I think, bi guys or heteroflexible guys only wanting sex with men. I guess there are more gay guys who are OKish with that (resigned to it in some cases,) someone in a chat room I'm in somewhere said something like 'gay guys are always lonely' in response to something a straight member was asking about (the conversation was way more poignent than my vague reccolection/paraphrasing lol.)

He lives somewhat as a woman (irl,) because in some ways it's easier when you are so feminine but his identity is pretty complicated (for political reasons he wants people to use any pronouns but recently admitted it annoys him deep down when people don't use male ones) I think a lot of people assume he's an afab lesbian or ftm apparently which makes sex awkward because at least one person left after discovering he was 'the wrong kind of trans' like just before they were going to have sex. Also said it's awkward having to explain first that he's into men (percieved andro look signals lesbian to society,) then after that that he has a dick.

He's had sex with gay and straight men and lived in the role of a gay man, passible femme presenting transwoman and the 'you look like a lesbian thing' he's doing now. He's more attracted to straight men (more masculine overall - this is very common,) but says that gay men are better at sex in some ways (more considerate, it's not all about them,) he does some stuff with women because has some kinks where partner gender doesn't matter just needs a sadist, and has fwb arrangements with some couples.

But yes he loves sex so that's great, gets lots of sex but he also wants kids (wanted bio ones but can't have them with a partner which sucks,) and wants a relationship. I think getting these things is very difficult for both gay and transpeople depending on your preferences certainly when dating straight/bi men the romantic attraction is often not there with them.

I think a lot will still try though if there is an opportunity for anything, and think sex is better than nothing. It's good that you made that clear.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

komorikun said:


> I saw some bizarre things in Brazil. A couple times I saw totally out and out gay guys have long make-out sessions with women. Once it was at a small gay pride parade. Another time, the two people in question were in my group at the bar we went to. They were sucking face all night.


I think a lot more people are willing to makeout with someone if they're lonely or exhibitionistic or just curious at parties than go further so maybe that's why.



tehuti88 said:


> (Sorry if I'm misunderstanding the thread, your topics are often too complicated for me. ops )
> 
> I don't want to make somebody else compromise their orientation (because I'm not compromising mine), and for both of us to end up unhappy/bitter as a result of such a compromise. Plus I've seen how misunderstood my own orientation is (even in replies to this thread), so I know lots of people wouldn't understand or believe my preferences if I tried to explain. So, no, I wouldn't date an incompatible person. I've disappointed and pissed off enough people in my life, and they usually get really passive-aggressive with me afterwards.
> 
> ...


Mm I'm very bad at making threads and conveying what I'm actually trying to say, not to mention all the waffling, so I expected that don't worry lol.

Essentially the question was about someone who could be compatible with you but usually isn't. So I guess in your case whether you'd be put off or want to date someone who was typically hypersexual but really liked you and was OK with dating you asexually.

Also I didn't realise reddit did that quarantine thing but did notice later after this. Wonder why now specifically. I'm not really a fan of this move it essentially forces people further into their own little ideological chamber but whatever.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

This year, I've been attracted to two lesbian women. One of them, I've hung out with and let her know how attractive I think she is. But every time I think about it, I reach the same dilemma: there is a ceiling to how far a relationship can go. I don't think it's possible to have all sex + love + family + home between only two people with different sexual orientations. That circle of intimacy could never be totally closed. you'll always find something lacking. 

In the end, it really depends on what you really want, and how you want your life fulfilled.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

I would not "date" a Lesbian, but I would have a 1-night stand with her


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Erroll said:


> RelinquishedHell said:
> 
> 
> > I want to know this story
> ...


I'm surprised you guys can make that situation work without tension or drama. How does she handle her sexual needs?


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## Erroll (Jan 18, 2016)

RelinquishedHell said:


> I'm surprised you guys can make that situation work without tension or drama. How does she handle her sexual needs?


We have sexual relations in which we both orgasm. But you're right, it's not perfect. She never gets to be with a man who desires her sexually, nor do I. But nothing is perfect in this world.


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## Chris S W (Mar 5, 2017)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> I totally would if an emotional connection was there.


Likewise. Although it is pretty much fantasy, as I can't seem to connect with anyone in such a way now. But I'm not entirely sure how much of that is me being damaged and mentally ill, and how much of that is not finding the right person. I'm quite sure the prior is a significant factor, at least.

But yes they being a lesbian wouldn't be enough to deter me if we had such a connection. Especially seeing as it seems to be so rare for me.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

BeardedMessiahBob said:


> If they were into me (and how much they were) that would be the main thing. It's almost independent of orientation (as we are operating in a totally hypothetical scenario). I can't practically see someone on the not overly heterosexual side of things being very attracted to me though. I mean whatever orientation there will be plenty of other people along to tempt them.
> 
> *Since nobody is totally gay or straight though anyway, I almost feel this is an issue based on either what people say they are, or what they convince themselves they are, orientation wise. And since everyone is a bit bi (insert protests from super straight men here) its more of a personal construct kind of deal.*
> 
> I couldn't read the (no doubt scientifically rigorous) red pill article, it just said "500" on the page, whatever that means lol.


Stop projecting man, if you like guys then own it and feel good about yourself.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

In a Lonely Place said:


> Stop projecting man, if you like guys then own it and feel good about yourself.


I already indicated that everyone is on a spectrum and nobody is either totally gay or totally straight. That includes me (as I am included in everyone). It's _obviously_ not an issue for me, or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I can explain in what ways I have some degree of homosexual interest if you like. I am almost predominantly straight though.

If you are interested in me in a sexual way, our very different belief systems and values would mean I wouldn't be able to reciprocate your interest, even if I did find you exceptionally attractive physically. Sorry.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

If I wanted a relationship, I don't see how I'd have any alternative. I'm incompatible with basically everyone.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

BeardedMessiahBob said:


> I already indicated that everyone is on a spectrum and nobody is either totally gay or totally straight. That includes me (as I am included in everyone). It's _obviously_ not an issue for me, or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I can explain in what ways I have some degree of homosexual interest if you like. I am almost predominantly straight though.
> 
> *If you are interested in me in a sexual way*, our very different belief systems and values would mean I wouldn't be able to reciprocate your interest, even if I did find you exceptionally attractive physically. Sorry.


I'm not so you can stop touching yourself now.

Straight people exist, you aren't and that's fine but people need to stop frowning upon the heterosexual population who aren't sexually interested in the same sex. The bs that says if you don't agree we are all bisexual you're just repressed.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

In a Lonely Place said:


> I'm not so you can stop touching yourself now.
> 
> Straight people exist, you aren't and that's fine but people need to stop frowning upon the heterosexual population who aren't sexually interested in the same sex. The bs that says if you don't agree we are all bisexual you're just repressed.


You do spend an awful lot of time posting photos in the cutest guy thread, and that post did seem to touch a nerve with you. So you do appear somewhat repressed.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You do spend an awful lot of time posting photos in the cutest guy thread, and that post did seem to touch a nerve with you. So you do appear somewhat repressed.


I post pictures because I can, it amuses me and annoys you for some reason so double win really.

So if I point out bs propaganda based on a few peoples dubious views it must have touched a nerve.

Awaits your sas chums to wade in now

lol pathetic


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

In a Lonely Place said:


> I post pictures because I can, it amuses me and annoys you for some reason so double win really.
> 
> So if I point out bs propaganda based on a few peoples dubious views it must have touched a nerve.
> 
> ...


It doesn't annoy me, it just seems like a bizarre thing to do unless you're actually attracted.

You're definitely more annoyed than me right now lol. I've seen some of your passive aggressive posts about me before though, I seem to piss you off a lot lol.

Good.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It doesn't annoy me, it just seems like a bizarre thing to do unless you're actually attracted.
> 
> You're definitely more annoyed than me right now lol. I've seen some of your passive aggressive posts about me before though, I seem to piss you off a lot lol.
> 
> Good.


Honestly no, this doesn't annoy me at all, I'm building a real life now where there are real reasons/things to get annoyed at. I don't waste energy or emotions on here anymore.

I just highlighted your scary posts about wanting to kill people, seems a bit unhealthy is all. I fear for you as opposed to get annoyed by you. :-/


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

In a Lonely Place said:


> I'm not


Aww, bless.

:cuddle


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

BeardedMessiahBob said:


> Aww, bless.
> 
> :cuddle


i never understood that emoticon thing. it says cuddle but they look like they're making out. it just seems inaccurate.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

andy1984 said:


> i never understood that emoticon thing. it says cuddle but they look like they're making out. it just seems inaccurate.


In this case, I picked the emote based on the appearance not what it says


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

Well sure but.. if they're attracted to me, then their orientation isn't really 'incompatible'

If we like each other that's enough for me, I wouldn't be put off by a label they went by


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## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> But say you're a straight guy would you date someone who identified as a lesbian if they were attracted to you for some reason but no other guys


Yes, I would. The fact that she's a lesbian means she's a virgin(or at least she hasn't been penetrated by another penis) which is a big plus in my book.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Lonely Hobbit said:


> The fact that she's a lesbian means she's a virgin(or at least she hasn't been penetrated by another penis)


Hm.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I've known several lesbians that had kids, so obviously they were screwing men before. One of my previous roommates was dating a woman with 2 kids. Currently one of coworkers is married to a woman with a kid. They bought a house recently. (I have lots of gay coworkers)


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

It's not a situation I've ever been confronted with or ever likely to be. What we're really saying is a lesbian who was starting to become confused by her sexuality. I haven't gotten to know many lesbians anyway partly because none ever mixed in the same circles as me or were explicit about their sexuality if they did. Also because I've been practically a social recluse for the large part of my adulthood.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sure


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