# Long distance relationships



## 150274 (Mar 23, 2013)

_deleted_


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

Dude, you're 15 f*** it! :no Long distance relationships are some painful s***. Don't do that to yourself. Two years is a long *** time especially when your 15. 

Then again if you're 15 with SA and probably not going to have a relationship with someone in person, then why not. 

14 hour time difference is ridiculous. What is she in Australia? My ex was an exchange student from Australia. When she went back it was hard considering it's tomorrow over there. It lasted all of one week. I had a gf another time across the nation with a three hour time difference, that was more manageable. Then I moved to England and it was 9 hours and that sucked.


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## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

The keys to making a long-distance relationship work, as I understand them from success stories, are either being naturally comfortable with less physical contact or being able to visit frequently and having room in the future to make plans to turn it into an offline relationship.

If you _both_ think you can go such a long time without physical intimacy and see a future together, than toughing it out may be worth it. It's going to be another few years before anyone can relocate, though, and that's assuming college doesn't get in anyone's way.


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## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

I coped by talking to her, she didn't cope so well though.

To be honest it was a really tough 20 months, but it isn't that hard. It is doable if you are both committed and you are both willing to put time into maintaining the relationship. The distance adds so much more stress on the relationship than you realise at first. Give it a year... and see how you are both coping. You may find that one of you cannot handle it as well, if that is the case break up straight away. Do not play around and waste your time if she or you are struggling 6 months in.

You need to find a way to do things together without being together too, or it will probably break down. To be honest at 15 I cannot understand why you would want a LDR... teenagers are fickle beings and should not be trusted/tied down so early. An LDR is hard enough with adults, I imagine as hormonal teenagers it will be more difficult and less likely to work.

If I was a betting man on this, I would bet the relationship is going to fail, odds on. But hey its doable if you two are strong enough.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Don't do it.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Don't do it son.


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## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

Try webcam?
Good luck sir.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Lynvana said:


> Try webcam?
> Good luck sir.


nope nope nope nope

don't do it


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

If you want your relationship to last as long as possible, I recommend that you:

Cam with her as often as possible. 
Play games together (if you guys are into that)
Fap together
Watch movies/tv shows together online


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## zojirushi (Apr 8, 2013)

It can work.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Ahvav said:


> now thats the spirit


You can also win the lottery.


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## Consider (May 1, 2013)

You could also develop a rare, life threatening disease. Live it up, do what you want, **** all the rest. Random people on the internet can't tell you what to do.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Consider said:


> You could also develop a rare, life threatening disease. Live it up, do what you want, **** all the rest. Random people on the internet can't tell you what to do.


Incompatible comparison: you have control over who you start a relationship with, or whether or not you play the lottery. Developing a prion disease from a simple folding error is not something we could have prevented or have any control over.


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## Consider (May 1, 2013)

You're so very welcome, bro.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

What happens when you have to go to your prom? Is she ok with you going without her but still having a date? Is she going to her prom with a date but without you? If the two of you are committed to the relationship then two years will not be a problem in order to wait to see one another. I rather wait for someone that I have a connection with than date someone else with whom I don't have a connection with. Good luck!!


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## zojirushi (Apr 8, 2013)

Prom?


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## zojirushi (Apr 8, 2013)

Sacrieur said:


> You can also win the lottery.


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

You just need to be as honest as possible with each other. Relationships break down when trust issues appear and that's more likely to happen in a LDR since you can't see what they're doing for most of the day. I hope it works out. If you're both committed to each other, you'll keep each other happy and those two years will pass in no time.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Although I would not consider these relationships (looking back), there were 2 guys in the past who I talked to online for 2+ years from different countries. I talked to the first one when I was 17, and talked to the other one when I was approaching 19. The second one was kinda more serious. I chatted with them on some type of messenger or used Skype several times a week. Camming might be the best alternative..then from there you can see where things go. Trust is also important too.


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Why do you have to wait 2 years?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I think I could do it maybe for the right person, but it wouldn't be for everyone. The big time zone difference makes it a lot harder than just geographical distance. 

Uh, I remember seeing this Japanese/American couple on youtube who lived in different countries and had been apart for like over three years or something due to work conflicts. They did see each other now and then though I think but yeah, they were apart for long periods of time and married so it can work if you're determined to make it work.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

I feel sorry for all the people who have to go down to LDR because they can't get someone where they are.


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## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

Kanova said:


> I feel sorry for all the people who have to go down to LDR because they can't get someone where they are.


That hasn't been the case in most of the LDRs I've seen succeed.


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## power2theweak (Jan 2, 2009)

We talk every day and text some. He comes down about once a month and spends the weekend.


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## power2theweak (Jan 2, 2009)

power2theweak said:


> We talk every day and text some. He comes down about once a month and spends the weekend.


We are planning on being closer soon, though. I will be moving just as soon as I can (have some things that are keeping me here for a few more months).

So, we know that the distance thing will be over soon...that helps. It is not forever, it is just for now.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

My last LDR didn't really kick off because of me. We were both deeply infatuated with one another, and were going to be seeing each other in a month's time, for Christmas. Then I thought about the basis on which I'd be able to see her, and I couldn't really handle it. We are about three or four states away from each other, and I'd only be able to see her once every few months at most. After I told her how I felt, she kinda blew up on me, accusing me of leading her on. I wanted to be with her, but... I didn't feel like I had everything on track, and physical contact is important to me.

In retrospect, I'd be willing to make such sacrifices for someone I really care about. As someone mentioned earlier, time zones play a decent part; my sleep schedule was crap after staying up past 2:00 AM almost every night just to spend more time with her, but that's my fault. I was glad to spend that time with her, and I don't regret it.

I wouldn't have much of an issue with an LDR at this point, as I have learned that some things are negotiable, and I'm willing to make compromises. It's definitely doable, though, OP. It just takes a ****ton of mutual commitment to make it work.


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

Have you done a video chat or anything? Mainly just to make sure she is actually real, sorry to be a bit negative about that but its better safe than sorry. 
But just work your way up from there, since you just mainly text at the moment. Video chat, then web cam, and after awhile of that like someone suggested fap together. But be careful, because you never know if they are recording it or not. Till you meet them in person atleast.

I got in quite a few of these when I was around your age, mainly because I was a horny teenager. I never did the stuff over cam though, paranoia and all. Stuck to talking over mic!

They never lasted. Like I said though, horny teenager so of course they didn't last. I was all like "Show me dem boobies!".


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

Ahvav said:


> I absolutely understand what you mean by the privacy thing. We have sent photos of eachother but nothing raunchy.
> 
> I am not a FREEKIN horny teenager. I don't fap to get rid of my sexual tensions. I am a Christian so I have no desire to have sex at my age.


But have you done video chat or web cam yet? Not raunchy crap, Just find out if the person is who they say they are.

As for the horny teenager thing, I was just saying my experience at that age with ldr's/internet relationships.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

Ahvav said:


> You guys have to realize that I don't regret my decision one bit. I knew what I was getting into from the start and I am happy that I am persuing the right person.
> 
> I want to hear some feedback on how some of you guys cope during those tough and lonely times.


I am in a LDR at the moment, I'm in canada he's in england. We lived together for 8 months prior to a couple days ago when i had to come back to canada, and before that we had been together for a year (in person still, i lived in engladn for 2 years). We were best frinds even though he almost dumped me before I left because of my issues, we are trying to work it out. So it was tough to be attached at the hip with him and then suddenly not.

I got a new cell phone with Android and unlimited data even thou it's not really in my price range lol. But the most important thing is we can text and skype for free. But it's tough being seperate and I cry about it. Luckily he is coming over soon but he hasnt decided on a date and I wish he would.

The way we cope is keeping in contact using Whatsapp and Skype. We have a set time every day for Video skype (7:00p eastern) and since neither of us work or do anything we usually end up skyping at some other point during the day as well. I am practically asexual and don't really have urges to do anything so that isn't really a problem for me (not sure how he's comping though)

It seems 15 i really young to try and keep up a LDR but at the same time it could be easier because you don't have to keep up with all the stupid responsibilities adults have to deal with. So I wish you all the best


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

If you like someone a lot, you'll put in the work for a long distance relationship. It's only worth it if the person is special enough. It's hard though and obviously can't last forever.


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

If you think its going to last another 3-4 more years, to where you are old enough to go overseas. I'd suggest getting a job/chores or something to save up money and take a "vacation" to visit the area where she lives to visit her.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Just don't get your hopes up _too_ much. Online flings rarely lead anywhere, and the longer you wait, the less likely it becomes that you'll ever meet up(and more awkward). Good luck, though.


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

Ahvav said:


> I am getting a job over the summer and I will try to save up.
> 
> Hope she can visit me though because I know *it will be* *almost impossible for me*.


Why is that?


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## Jig210 (Jan 24, 2013)

Whats the age gap between you two? You said it would be impossible because of your age not hers.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Why can't you just be long distance friends? 

If you still feel strongly when you're 18 you can go and visit her.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Ahvav said:


> Well I am honestly taking it as a friendship. But if she becomes just my friend, then I might get scared that she may break away from me.


If you're really as compatible as you think you'll end up together in the end. I just don't want to see you put your life on hold at 15.

The reality is if you were together you might break up in a month or two. But long distance you may put your life on hold for years only to discover that you two don't get along in person.

I know you feel that you two are different and your love is special. When you get to be my age you learn that these things don't always work out like thought.


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

To be really honest, a lot of people in my life don't think much of long distance relationships, the thing they always bring up is how I can't see him and you can't know someone without seeing them everyday blah blah, fast forward 4 years later I'm still with him, I'm married and we're expecting our first child. All those naysayers who thought they knew better have no relationship because even with being with someone everyday they apparently didn't know the person as well as I knew my S/O.

My S/O lives in France and I live in the Caribbean it's about a 21 hour flight between us and 6 hour difference. It was hard but I can honestly say that he is one of the best people I know, he's my best friend and I don't talk much at all so when you can find someone you feel so comfortable talking to about anything then you've struck gold. It was a weird transition from online to real life but there was no difference, he was the same person and I was the same person.

Another thing people always mentioned was the fact that I didn't talk and this being the only way I could find someone, hurtful but I will admit it's true and I'm damn glad of it because I wouldn't have met my husband without it.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

^are you planning on moving somewhere together?


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

purplefruit said:


> ^are you planning on moving somewhere together?


Forgive me I'm a bit slow was this to me? If yes, then we plan on living here for about a year or until we decide if we want to live on the Island or move to France.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

Dat Gyul said:


> Forgive me I'm a bit slow was this to me? If yes, then we plan on living here for about a year or until we decide if we want to live on the Island or move to France.


I was asking you, yes. Okay.


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

Ahvav said:


> Amazing story, good luck to both of you. Thanks for the tips too.


Thank you, good luck to you too.

Always, always, be yourself, don't pretend to like something just because they like it, don't hide your insecurities or your problems because that is where a lot of the trouble comes from. It took me a long long long time to go on webcam with him because I was so insecure about it. Talking on the phone too. Just let it build gradually and make sure they are aware of why you have trouble with a cam or phone. Once you get used to hearing their voice and seeing them on a webcam facing them in real life is much easier than if you're used to just seeing a picture online.


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

Ahvav said:


> Thank you very much, you are really helping me.
> 
> One question, how long was it before the pain went away. What Inmean is the sadness (lonliness).
> 
> Any thing you did when you couldn't talk to them (like in the middle of your day) and you start to feel sad?


Rereading old convos helped a lot, we had so much jokes together that just reading them again would instantly put me into a good mood until I got to talk to him again.

We also sent each other silly pictures, funny faces, funny poses, just doing things to make the other laugh.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Dat Gyul said:


> Rereading old convos helped a lot, we had so much jokes together that just reading them again would instantly put me into a good mood until I got to talk to him again.
> 
> We also sent each other silly pictures, funny faces, funny poses, just doing things to make the other laugh.


This really helped me too, when I was seeing someone online last year. Reviewing the conversations from even months back always put me in a brighter mood when she wasn't around. I think general silliness and laughter is pretty vital in a long distance relationship, from my experience. And, being somewhat of a comedian, that was never really a trouble for me. I loved making her laugh, and I loved having fun with her; she even enjoyed the occasional jokes I made while we discussed serious matters, it always made me feel great.

Boy do I miss it.


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## dragongirl (Apr 6, 2011)

i'm american and i've been in a relationship with a british guy 4 a year we're both having a hard time cuz we think we're never going 2 meet :rain


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## dragongirl (Apr 6, 2011)

Ahvav said:


> Congratulations for being together that long. But why are you saying you will never meet? Maybe you can't meet for another year, but gauranteed you will meet in the next ten (let's hope I is not that long). Don't stress over it, it is not necessary.


thx my friend jerry basically told me the same thing


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Glad you're doing better now 

I usually just watch tv and stuff when I'm missing my long dist. boyfriend. Like now, presuming I can convince myself to stop moping around.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Ahvav said:


> *Quick and depressing update*
> 
> I want to make this short and sweet. So basically my girlfriend can't handle the distance and she decided that we should put it on hold and be "just friends" for now. She doesn't want to break up so that was our conclusion.
> 
> ...


oh you poor soul


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## mixolydian (May 23, 2009)

Your 15 and there's billions of other women out there, no point getting depressed over just one. Live and enjoy life.


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

Ahvav said:


> *Quick and depressing update*
> 
> I want to make this short and sweet. So basically my girlfriend can't handle the distance and she decided that we should put it on hold and be "just friends" for now. She doesn't want to break up so that was our conclusion.


Trust me it's for the best


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## mixolydian (May 23, 2009)

Ahvav said:


> I am not depressed, she is happy and that makes me happy. I will enjoy life but the damage has already been done.
> 
> And if you ever are depressed, take your own advise too, you are not in your 80's, you have as many opportunities as me.


I do take my own advice, hence why I'm telling you. When you're young and experiencing love for the first time there's a natural tendency to over value it. To be so consumed with feelings for someone you've never met is a bad idea in my opinion. Meet new people, chase different girls. Don't let feelings for one person get you down for too long. Definitely don't wait for year(s) in the hope this girl will change her mind and you'll end up living happily ever.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

Ahvav said:


> *Quick and depressing update*
> 
> I want to make this short and sweet. So basically my girlfriend can't handle the distance and she decided that we should put it on hold and be "just friends" for now. She doesn't want to break up so that was our conclusion.
> 
> ...


Very sorry to hear that 

And who the **** is this 'friend' and where does he get off harrassing you? And why is she letting him? Seems like maybe they were seeing eachother tbh. Maybe it's for the best. I hope you can recover from this and find someone whos loyal to you (and closer)


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## Dat Gyul (Jul 6, 2012)

purplefruit said:


> Very sorry to hear that
> 
> And who the **** is this 'friend' and where does he get off harrassing you? And why is she letting him? Seems like maybe they were seeing eachother tbh. Maybe it's for the best. I hope you can recover from this and find someone whos loyal to you (and closer)


I was going to ask about this "friend" too, how can a friend block a guy on her Facebook? 
Well the best thing is that you don't let this discourage you from dating again.


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## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

Yeah I had a relationship that turned into long-distance after the first year and it was awful. It just created constant jealousy and resentment. I'm so glad I got out of it. I can't imagine how miserable I'd be right now if I kept forcing myself to "try to make it work".


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Dayuuuum. I'm going to go with the ones saying that it's best not to dwell on any of it and progress in your life, seeing other people for the while. If you sit in stagnancy, depressed, you're not going to get anywhere. Just try talking to other girls to see what you're interested in, and see where it leads. You'll be much better off, I assure you.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Err you might hate me for this but he wants to get in your ... ex? gf's pants.

Of course he's rather dumb and probably won't make it very far. But who knows.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Oh yeah, that. Hopefully she has other means of contacting you by now, so you could just use one of those to tell her what's up/have her git dat mofo. When's the last time you two had a chat?


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## ladyworpledinker (Apr 25, 2013)

*Reply*

Just now read your post and link from the LDR Community group.

Me and mine live across the ocean from each other as well and we don't know when we'll see each other again. We saw each other over Christmas, I visited. It took us about 2 years to be able to see each other in the first place once things started to get more serious between us, cause we've been friends for many years. It is painful but life is full of ups and downs and those moments will just have to be a part of those downs for right now but remember that it is very special indeed to have someone to go through it with and not completely alone. I know I am lucky in that much and I have to remind myself. It's breaking my heart here recently with his dad passing away and I can't be there for him or his family, as badly as I want to it's just not possible. Some of the responses I've seen you get are good ones. Be intimate together as you can and try to do different things. Talk about forms of an open relationship if either of you are especially lonely for company and no I don't just mean sexually. Even just being held or having your hand held by a friend can mean a lot and human contact is important. Hang in there and know that love is worth it and that you have a lot of great stuff to look forward to.



Ahvav said:


> *Note, I update this thread frequently, so please check back once in a while.*
> 
> Hello everybody, I just need some help. I am currently in a relationship with somebody, but the problem is that she lives 14 hours away from me overseas. I do text her and talk to her every chance I get, but I am still running into a problem. I will not be able to meet her in person for two years, so that is really starting to bring my mood down. I am very happy every time I talk with her, but that idea is always lingering in the back of my head and it sometimes gets me pretty sad.I will not be able to see her or hold her hand, and that is pretty much like 50% of a relationship (intimacy).
> 
> ...


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Long-distance relationships (LDR) don't work... except when they do. Basically.

If you want to give it a shot, go for it, but it's really not worth it. Especially when you're so young and it simply becomes a distraction. Keep the friendship and stay in contact, but give each other the opportunity to be with other people.



Ahvav said:


> I am not gonna try.
> 
> I might date some people, but if nothing works out, I still have her as an option in the end.
> 
> Better safe then sorry, right?


That's a terrible way to look at it. If you don't really like her (you just have her as a sort of safety net) then break up. It's selfish of you.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

I know a friend who has a LDR, they both live interstate but he makes a trip to see her every month which I think is so sweet and they've been together for nearly two years now!


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

TheDarkKnight said:


> I know a friend who has a LDR, they both live interstate but he makes a trip to see her every month which I think is so sweet and they've been together for nearly two years now!


I should note that this friend and his partner do NOT have SAD, so yeah.... :afr


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## zojirushi (Apr 8, 2013)

It can work.


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

ldr doesn't work in my experience.

2 years...she will cheat mark my words.

good luck.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Sacrieur said:


> Don't do it.





NoHeart said:


> Don't do it son.





Sacrieur said:


> nope nope nope nope
> 
> don't do it


^These, so much these,

You're 15 and think you're in love, so you're going to continue the relationship, like we all did at that age, but just please try keep in mind the possibility of it not working out and dont let the breakup overwhelm you. Getting too emotionally invested in someone who can vanish into thin air is a dangerous game, one unfortunately you probably have to experience to understand.

edit; I should have read thread, good going op.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It's tough, but they can work out, especially if there's a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Most of my relationships tend to be long-distance. I'm pulling for you, Ahvav.


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## laurentehstrange (May 31, 2013)

LDRs do suck especially when you want to be with the person. Also when you don't even know how long you are going to be apart.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Ahvav said:


> Thank you,
> 
> Hope everything is going well with you.
> 
> Prove to people that it is possible.


Thanks dude, things are going very well right now.


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## tilo brown eyes (Jun 7, 2013)

My sisters in a long distance relationship, her guy has liked her for four years and they onlystarted to talk about getting together a last year and she's never met him in person and is not going to for the next two years also, she lives in london uk and he lives in baltimore usa. 

She tells me the trick is making sure you don't lose communication and you take a lot of time to talk, sometimes she doesn't talk to him for a week, you don't need to talk everyday or you'll run out of things to say. Oh and always make sure your partner knows how you feel vice versa.
But my thoughts are why are doing it so early, I take it you're in highschool- my sister says its bloody hard and she's 24, with her own apartment and living ideals.

Personally I think you should wait a little while, but if you really want it, you're going to have to stick it out and work on it A LOT.


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