# Just be yourself



## dezza (Dec 30, 2012)

For a long time I've had a very difficult time accepting my uniqueness. I found it very weird being the center of attention in a group conversation. I was not used to raising my voice across the room for all to hear, I always asked myself 'why is she talking to someone like me?' and there has been times when I get depressed due to the volume of people at a certain gathering and the first thing I'd do is walk straight to the men's room as a means of escape. I'd take a look in the mirror and try to convince myself to go back out there as I face the world.

As time went on I've slowly come to realise that people like me for who I am. I am slightly weird, I exaggerate when I don't need to, I put on funny accents to get people's attention and say if something unusual comes up I'll automatically shout out "what!" then be like "my bad" but I don't do it often at all. 

Anyways my confidence has exceeded my own expectations. Naturally I put on a flirty voice when it comes to women and they genuinely like it. No I am not trying to hit on them but I realise just how capable I am of doing so. A very beautiful Jamaican French woman got on the same bus as me one time, and she looked at me and I looked at her without backing down and then we got talking (she sat next to me) and then the conversation went very smoothly and what's more we both enjoyed each others company.

Trust me when I say this, that woman was out of my league or at least that's how it appeared to be. Coming to finally understand that I have the same traits as those men who are courageous, the only difference is they choose to show it more than me. No man is greater than the other, just braver and more experienced. You can accomplish anything you want, but you have to believe that you can.

I know my potential now and since I'm still young (I'll be 24 on August 15th) I'll happily wait until my next year before I start dating again as I want to get my career together by gaining as much work experience as possible.

There is no rush, and there will always be single women out there. Don't worry about everybody else. Just be yourself.

Thanks for reading

Derek


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## Beast And The Harlot (Jun 14, 2015)

Yeah, but what do you when no one likes who you are.

I think I'm better off not interacting with others or try to be something made up, like an alter ego...maybe that'll work.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

Just be yourself works for a small minority of people with SA.

If it worked for Derek, I am very happy. But I find it is generally, not just bad advice, but harmful advice.

We are already OURSELVES, and OURSELVES have SA. "Just" being ourself isn't enough. We need to be OURSELVES and work on what causes SA within us.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Man, now that song is stuck in my head.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

You should be yourself because society is already far too plastic and two-faced. As long as yourself isn't a dick. It's not something you do for benefits, you do it to give the middle finger to all the hypocrisy and herd mentality that dominates social interactions. Even if you get mocked by the herd, it's liberating to know that you are genuine 100% of the time and that you are an exception to the rule.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Good for you Derek. 😊


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

And when yourself isn't good enough?


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## TheClown7 (Oct 15, 2013)

Or how I know who I really am?


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

And what if yourself is an asocial loner who hates human beings?

I don't think people like me are supposed to be ourselves if we want to succeed in the modern day world.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Seriously. Society has done everything to teach us to not be ourselves. Punish us, even. The message they send is clear - "This is not the way you must be if you want to survive this game."

Besides, I don't know what you're supposed to do if you don't actually like the level of interaction society demands...


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## Beast And The Harlot (Jun 14, 2015)

^^These are all the correct answers.

How are we supposed to "just be ourselves" when who we are just doesn't measure up to what people like in the first place?

I don't even like who I am anyway...so why would I want to be that.

Other people damn sure don't like who I am. They don't like when try to actually be friendly and conversational either so like...what the **** am I supposed to do?


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## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

You must be one of these late bloomer types. This has nothing to do with severe social anxiety. Sorry but your advice isn't useful for someone like me. Maybe some others can relate though.



LawfulStupid said:


> You should be yourself because society is already far too plastic and two-faced. As long as yourself isn't a dick. It's not something you do for benefits, you do it to give the middle finger to all the hypocrisy and herd mentality that dominates social interactions. Even if you get mocked by the herd, it's liberating to know that you are genuine 100% of the time and that you are an exception to the rule.


Agreed completely. You do it for yourself not to be accepted.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

Very cool. You remind me a lot of the positive traits I can have. Good luck to you.


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## MylesB93 (Feb 25, 2014)

Good for you man and I think you're partly right but just 'being yourself' isn't enough to overcome some of these issues that people on here suffer with. It takes time and practice and there's no quick fix. Anyway I don't want to seem like I'm putting a downer on your achievement so again, good for you :smile2:


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## dezza (Dec 30, 2012)

Thanks for the comments all,

I re-read what I typed and a lot of you are right. By saying 'just be yourself ' is not helpful advice. I was able to LEARN to be myself by taking a lot of risks. I have took ALOT of rejections and faced many embarrassing situations but I understood that if that is what it takes to get comfortable then so be it. The world is definitely harsh and even after working for 3+ years for my boss, I've still not got a promotion and he doesn't really respect me much. Almost everyday he calls me names like 'stupid' and 'buffoon' yet I am not going to let that stop me from enjoying my life. 

I now have a lot of close friends (how I made the effort to reveal my personality to them) and each one of them say to me to not seek approval from others because people are never satisfied. So, I stopped it, an example would be I've stopped working extra time for 'the benefit of the company' when I'm not appreciated enough. When I get blocked out in a conversation, I no longer wait around for an opening, I move onto to other people to talk to. 

Anyways, 'iCod' were you always a loner? And what do you mean by hating people? Everybody or some?

'Minimized' being yourself is not good enough for who? What people are you trying to get to like you? Also what part of society are you on about? 


Kind Regards


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## Keikei (Mar 16, 2004)

My boyfriend says to think like Donald Trump. A in, it's not me, it's everyone else asking stupid questions. Which is a good point because, yeah, it's not always me. Why do I always think it's me? And mainly I have been telling myself, just be normal. (Normal meaning, just being who you are/yourself, not trying to entertain or please everyone else and not doing all those crazy flashy things people like to do for attention or to be "pretty".) I will be open to different cultures and lifestyles, but if someone or a group of people are genuinely making me uncomfortable I am not going to stay around if I don't have to. 
I'm glad (OP) that you have figured this stuff out already.


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## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

minimized said:


> And when yourself isn't good enough?


Get better duh lol


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

dezza said:


> 'Minimized' being yourself is not good enough for who? What people are you trying to get to like you? Also what part of society are you on about?


For anyone, really. Like anyone I've ever met has either used me or left me. The very few people that can actually be bothered. Even online I seem to lack the ability to make lasting connections.

So if anyone would like me, that would be a welcome change. Particularly people who have no intention of using and discarding me.

Society, from the top-down, does not particularly approve of people who are quiet, introverted, etc. It is the part of society that employs, awards promotions, determines dating, etc.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

impedido10 said:


> Get better duh lol


Oh, easy thing to say. But how?


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## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

minimized said:


> Oh, easy thing to say. But how?


Thats the complicated part. lol. Dude, im not going to give you an advice thats worth nothing so...Better end it here


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Someone out there will go head over heels and fall in love with your uniqueness. You will be admired. Pretending to be something you're not just because you crave for a certain person's attention will just be something you wasted your time and energy on. Even though you won their attention, deep down inside, you still won't feel happy. This is the mistake a lot of people make until it takes them awhile to finally realize why they're making themselves go through this, cut the crap out, and go find something actually worth having.


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## thebigofan (Dec 27, 2014)

I try but it's like my brain just makes be act a different way around people who are not my siblings.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Beast And The Harlot said:


> Yeah, but what do you when no one likes who you are.
> 
> I think I'm better off not interacting with others or try to be something made up, like an alter ego...maybe that'll work.


Being yourself means self acceptance. Until you accept who you are and what your life is, you'll have to keep faking it.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

lol...

This is ****ing the worst advice to give to someone with SA...

Just wow.


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