# Looks vs. personality



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Does anyone not care about looks too much when it comes to a relationship? be honest  If i feel comfortable around someone and they make me happy, it doesn't really matter what they look like. their personality becomes what makes them sexy  what're your thoughts?


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## Brew (May 7, 2010)

ive got to be attracted to somebody to be with them..

But Ive fallen for somebodys personality more then looks before..

Anyone who can give you that warm feeling, who's got that spark.. well yea


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Brew said:


> Anyone who can give you that warm feeling, who's got that spark.. well yea


Yeah, i agree. i just find it weird when i hear girls at school talking about guys. it seems like the guy's looks are the deciding factor when they want to date someone..


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

mezzoforte said:


> Yeah, i agree. i just find it weird when i hear girls at school talking about guys. it seems like the guy's looks are the deciding factor when they want to date someone..


Well you have to consider how shallow those conversations tend to be, I think for the most part they both play a part but in the long run personality is way more important.


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## Brew (May 7, 2010)

For guys its all about confidence.. girls are attracted to that..


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Looks matter for that initial attraction. How will someone get to know you and what your personality is like on a more deeper level if they are quick to reject you or conjure a negative judgement of you based on looks? You can only improve your looks, and if u are an attractive person in general that hurdle is cleared. But personality anyone can have. Its the person's personality that keeps them attracted. Will a person settle for a worse personality if that person has good looks? More than not. Is the. Vice-versa true? Probably not. Of course there are deviations.


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## Brew (May 7, 2010)

mezzoforte said:


> Yeah, i agree. i just find it weird when i hear girls at school talking about guys. it seems like the guy's looks are the deciding factor when they want to date someone..


Heh, thats youth.. They probably do like some other guys out there.. But would never date them because of the pressures of friends at school.. "my bfs/gfs hotter then yours" and all that..

The smart people realise early that its all a load of bull**** and there are other things that matter..


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

mezzoforte said:


> Does anyone not care about looks too much when it comes to a relationship? be honest  If i feel comfortable around someone and they make me happy, it doesn't really matter what they look like. their personality becomes what makes them sexy  what're your thoughts?


I don't care so much about looks, either, and have almost come to the conclusion that most "hot" guys have NO personality and bore me to death. However, I can become easily attracted to a smart guy that makes me laugh and gets my sense of humor, too. I sometimes find these types of guys very cute when others may not think so...


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## sincerelywithlove (May 29, 2010)

I don't think I do, but it's hard to say. I don't seem to consciously "choose" who I like, my mind chooses for me (hopefully you know what I mean by that). As said, I end up realizing I like a guy for whatever reason, most often his sense of humour, and focus more on trying to get to know him and going out than I do his looks. I think what most often occurs is most people will find a person attractive, learn about their personality and decide whether they would like a relationship or not.

I think I'm at a point where I know I have insecurities and flaws and I understand that the guys I'm attracted to will as well. Sure, an attractive man is great to look at and show off, but when it's just the two of you, looks tend to take a back seat and you're left his personality.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

You need to be physically attracted to someone or by someone imo, I couldn't see a relationship where either party did not find the other one attractive to work all that well. But what someone finds attractive is extremely subjective, to the point where i don't believe there really is a group of "ugly" or "hot" or whatever because what someone sees as unnatractive may be attractive to another.

But of course personality will make it last and you need to have a close bond in that respect for a happy, fun and loving relationship.

I do find however that even if you do not find someone instantly attractive to you, as you get to know them and their personality really grabs you, suddenly you also grow more and more physically attracted to them. It's strange how it works but it's a good thing which rewards those who put in the effort to get to know someone rather than ticking them off their yes or no list the instant they see them.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I'll only date an ugly women if she's extremely submissive and willing to play up the old fashion wife role very well. The more ugly she is, the more I expect her to play this role. I'd even marry a grotesque women who I was repulsed by given that she could play this role perfectly.

However, 90% of women I meet are not old fashion willing house wives. They have no skills inherited from their great grand mothers generation and they barter exclusively on basis of providing a warm body (at least in my hyper radical liberal neck of the woods). If a woman has nothing else to offer, I'll judge her very harshly on her looks and settle for nothing less than a smoking bomb shell.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Looks matter to everyone, the only differences are in what they find attractive. To say looks don't matter at all is just being silly.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

To me looks and personality of a person are relative to your interactions with that person. So looks and personality both mean nothing and both mean everything. You could meet someone with a great personality but there is no chemistry between you two, dont connect on the same level. That persons personality would do nothing for you. On the same note, you could meet a really hot red head.. but you are not attracted to red heads. That girl would do nothing for you.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

There has to be that combination because I'd need to be attracted to him to have a romantic relationship.To have intimacy,attraction is necessary.
But personality is key because without that he's not interesting,and a great personality make him even more attractive 
As long as I find him attractive I couldn't care less about what everyone else says about it.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

Personality of course..but I do have to feel attracted to him physically.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Personality and looks (something that I like). Sometimes I wonder if I'm shooting out my league though


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## uffie (May 11, 2010)

I dont have to choose. My girl has both =P


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

uffie said:


> I dont have to choose. My girl has both =P


Smooth


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I find it interesting how many people I know, both male and female, who claim they don't go for looks at all and cite some good looking person who they didn't want because their personalities sucked. Yet, if faced with a choice between two people with equivalent personalities, but we thought one was better looking than the other, we'd all pick the better looking one.

I have a friend who once told me that girls don't go for looks, they go for personality, with the implication that ALL women did so. A few weeks later, she was telling me that she hooked up with a guy the last time we and our colleagues went to a bar. When I asked who, she said "the really cute guy." I wonder if they do this consciously or not.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Both personalit and looks play a part. I think personality affects how we see people, though. If someone has a pleasing personality, I start to see physical features I find attractive.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Personality slams into me first then I start looking to see if there is anything I find attractive... usually if I like someone's personality and we have stuff in common and can laugh and make each other feel good then I find attractive characteristics... then physical characteristics I find attractive and then I am just outright crushin' because at that point I'm all attracted-like in general.


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## IllusionalFate (Sep 10, 2008)

Ospi said:


> I do find however that even if you do not find someone instantly attractive to you, as you get to know them and their personality really grabs you, suddenly you also grow more and more physically attracted to them. It's strange how it works but it's a good thing which rewards those who put in the effort to get to know someone rather than ticking them off their yes or no list the instant they see them.


Exactly -- looks and personality are correlated. I could look at hundreds of photos of gorgeous models but no matter how physically attractive I consider them, I never think "Oh, I'd definitely go out with her", I can only acknowledge and appreciate the physical beauty for what it is. Now if I actually socialized with/got to know a handful of women with varying degrees of physical attractiveness, my mind would rearrange how good-looking they are in accordance to their personalities. So if there's some supermodel with a generic personality and an average looking chick who I find interesting, I'll find the latter to be more physically attractive of the two because personality plays a major role in determining how physically attractive they are.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I find it interesting how many people I know, both male and female, who claim they don't go for looks at all and cite some good looking person who they didn't want because their personalities sucked. Yet, if faced with a choice between two people with equivalent personalities, but we thought one was better looking than the other, we'd all pick the better looking one.
> 
> I have a friend who once told me that girls don't go for looks, they go for personality, with the implication that ALL women did so. A few weeks later, she was telling me that she hooked up with a guy the last time we and our colleagues went to a bar. When I asked who, she said "the really cute guy." I wonder if they do this consciously or not.


Yeah, I really think that both men and women if had a choice would date someone more attractive than another if they both had the same personalities. It is a tad frustrating to keep hearing a lot of women say physically appearance doesn't matter when it most likely does.

On a side note, I've always been curious to see the difference in responses if I put a very attractive man on a fake profile. I just want to see if I get more responses. I'm not going to continue talking to anyone or ask for anything. I just want to see the responses back. I think attractiveness is a big deal for a lot of people, but personality is obviously also very, very important.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I find it interesting how many people I know, both male and female, who claim they don't go for looks at all and cite some good looking person who they didn't want because their personalities sucked. Yet, if faced with a choice between two people with equivalent personalities, but we thought one was better looking than the other, we'd all pick the better looking one.
> 
> I have a friend who once told me that girls don't go for looks, they go for personality, with the implication that ALL women did so. A few weeks later, she was telling me that she hooked up with a guy the last time we and our colleagues went to a bar. When I asked who, she said "the really cute guy." I wonder if they do this consciously or not.


Well,it might for some,but I think a correlation between looks and personality is key.I can't say that it is very likely that I would go into a relationship if I wasen't attracted to a guy.Pretty important with attraction when it comes to intimacy,but as said a great personality makes someone even more attractive.

I think that the girls don't go for looks is a silly generalization because women are different.She was contradicting herself by saying so.Maybe she didn't want to seem shallow or something,I don't know.I think that attraction has something to say for most people when they're looking for someone.
Btw,just thought of something.You said she hooked up with a guy and if this is short thing I would understand her.I don't think personalities is of great importance when it comes to one night stands or flings :b


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Looks are usually what initially attracts someone, then personality keeps them around. A romantic relationship requires a certain degree of physical and sexual attraction to stay healthy. I mean really, it's difficult to get intimate with someone you don't find at all attractive.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Looks are pretty much everything initially. But personality is what makes it work after that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, tell me this, do girls really like older guys or is that also just BS?


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Invisible_girl said:


> Btw,just thought of something.You said she hooked up with a guy and if this is short thing I would understand her.I don't think personalities is of great importance when it comes to one night stands or flings :b


Heh, good point, and I could see that. But not too long ago, she was complaining to me about how her current boyfriend was too skinny, and she asked me to help him bulk up.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> Well, tell me this, do girls really like older guys or is that also just BS?


We tend to because it takes guys longer to mature.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> Well, tell me this, do girls really like older guys or is that also just BS?


I don't know lol.I'm not going to let my experiences speak for all women,but judging from the few relationships I've had I do.But I think it's more about maturity for me at least.
Why do you guys trust generalizations(yes,I'm hung up on this lol) so much anyway?Can't you rather try to find a girl that suits you?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Invisible_girl said:


> I don't know lol.I'm not going to let my experiences speak for all women,but judging from the few relationships I've had I do.But I think it's more about maturity for me at least.
> Why do you guys trust generalizations(yes,I'm hung up on this lol) so much anyway?Can't you rather try to find a girl that suits you?


Yeah, that'd be nice, but it is hard to feel differently unless your in that situation and are supported by it. What can I say? I guess I'm insecure about what other people will think. I want to stop worrying about it and that is one of the main reasons I ask. I guess it's my inexperience talking or lack of support, idk.

I just find it strange that it APPEARS if a lot of women prefer older men and vise versa. Maybe that is my fault for reading so many darn answers on google. If that isn't the case, then aren't we all just following generalizations and are afraid to date people that 'suit us'? I don't hear of many women dating younger men and vise versa. If they do, I sure as heck don't hear many stories about it (although I've heard some). It seems to be that way, but I just don't know...I have a hard time judging subjective matters when it comes to dating, period.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Invisible_girl said:


> I don't know lol.I'm not going to let my experiences speak for all women,but judging from the few relationships I've had I do.But I think it's more about maturity for me at least.
> Why do you guys trust generalizations(yes,I'm hung up on this lol) so much anyway?Can't you rather try to find a girl that suits you?


Actually, you just made a generalization too, by saying that older men tend to be more mature. In my experience, maturity doesn't actually have anything to do with gender and has very little to do with age after the person in question turns 23 or 24 (or earlier). Rather, I think maturity depends on the individual.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Invisible_girl said:


> Can't you rather try to find a girl that suits you?


Wow, I think I just answered my own question (again). I guess I'm just insecure about what people will think if I date way younger or older. I guess that is something I need to get over.:no


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Actually, you just made a generalization too, by saying that older men tend to be more mature. In my experience, maturity doesn't actually have anything to do with gender and has very little to do with age after the person in question turns 23 or 24 (or earlier). Rather, I think maturity depends on the individual.


No,I didn't.I said that it was more about maturity for me which I mean that I wouldn't mind dating someone younger as long as his maturity level suits mine.
(Not saying that I never generalize,because I sure as hell do  )


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> Wow, I think I just answered my own question (again). I guess I'm just insecure about what people will think if I date way younger or older. I guess that is something I need to get over.:no


I think I would be too and probably more people would also.Dating someone younger or a lot older than me.It shouldn't mean anything,but I would probably think about it.Not that its a good reason for breaking it off,but to be honest it would probably be in the back of my head.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Invisible_girl said:


> I think I would be too and probably more people would also.Dating someone younger or a lot older than me.It shouldn't mean anything,but I would probably think about it.Not that its a good reason for breaking it off,but to be honest it would probably be in the back of my head.


I honestly believe that most people base age preference upon what is socially acceptable.

The thing that irks me:

I've known women who are older and younger than me who are far less mature than expected. So when I hear the MAJORITY of women say that they prefer older men based on maturity reasons, I find that answer somewhat generalized in itself. This only leads me to question if a large chunk of our society is bound on social crap; because we fear what others think so we are comfortable going with what the rest find acceptable.

For this reason (social reasons), I think many men and women aren't as open to date women older and men younger than what we hear and see about today. Maybe I just haven't seen enough yet? Don't know...


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

Looks and personality are both important but personality moreso


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> I honestly believe that most people base age preference upon what is socially acceptable.
> 
> The thing that irks me:
> 
> ...


Yeah,I was one of the girls who used to say that,but now I think that age shouldn't matter if I meet a great guy.
Maturity has to do with more than age I think.Age is just a number as they say 
Probably it has to do with incecurities of not fitting in because people are so easy to judge if something is out of the ordinary.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

mezzoforte said:


> Yeah, i agree. i just find it weird when i hear girls at school talking about guys. it seems like the guy's looks are the deciding factor when they want to date someone..


I think guys are notoriously worse with doing this. This guy that liked me that really repulsed me (personality and all) just straight up said my mom was an indicator how I would age when he saw her. WTF, why would I want to hear that? That's so rude and pathetic. He made it obvious that he was clearly judging her when she came up to the counter, and that's just rude and dehumanizing in ever way. Why would he tell me that?

Such an idiot.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

uffie said:


> I dont have to choose. My girl has both =P


(=


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I would have to say have some of both looks and personality. Id have to be physically attracted to them first and then get into their personaliy there after.
And that will make it last. 
Steve


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## milesandmiles (Oct 4, 2011)

I always find it surprising that people value looks so much over personality in relationships. When you think about it looks are pretty easy to change by changing hairstyles, clothing, weight, etc., but you can't really help it if you're boring or lack confidence or self esteem. I would much rather date - or even be - someone who is fun and confident than someone who is gorgeous but dull or unlikeable.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Not if you have social phobia you're screwed no matter if your grandpa or brad Pitt unless you have a lot of money and attract some gold diggers but its still difficult


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

i would have to be physically attracted to that person in some way, it doesn't mean that they have to be super good looking but i have to find them attractive but personality will always trump looks. there's no point of being extremely good looking and having nothing else to offer.


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## obsidianavenger (Sep 1, 2011)

mezzoforte said:


> Yeah, i agree. i just find it weird when i hear girls at school talking about guys. it seems like the guy's looks are the deciding factor when they want to date someone..


heres the thing... if a guy walks by you you can't go "omg look at him, he's so sweet and loving!!" (unless he's rescuing a hurt bird at the time or something lol). all you can ascertain is what he looks like. i think when people gossip about looks its not because _all_ they are interested in is a sexy person to date, but because its the most publicly accessible part of a person and thus the easiest to talk about in a group setting.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I care more about looks TBH.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

milesandmiles said:


> I always find it surprising that people value looks so much over personality in relationships. When you think about it looks are pretty easy to change by changing hairstyles, clothing, weight, etc.,*but you can't really help it if you're boring or lack confidence or self esteem*. I would much rather date - or even be - someone who is fun and confident than someone who is gorgeous but dull or unlikeable.


If that bolded statement were true I would never have gotten anywhere in life...


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Looks are important, I couldn't date someone who I found completely unattractive. Personality is important too though, I want to get on with them as a person, and personality can make someone more attractive.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

At the age of 20, it is 80 percent look what matters and 20 percent personality. At the age of 50 it will be 50/50 and for someone at the age of 70 it is probably 30 percent look 70 percent personality. 

It is similar to what they say about how you should invest depending on your age.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I think personality matters more.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

*Read my rant. I'm proud of it.*

Contrary to usual thought, being attracted to someone based on some personality trait is no less shallow than being attracted based on looks. Either way, you're judging the person based on just one aspect of their being, without knowing the real depth of their true self. So it's just as shallow to want a person because they're funny, or because they're confident, or because they're smart in a certain field.

Think about what actually goes on in your brain when you are attracted to someone. You see or learn something that you like in the person, it inspires positive emotions and some kind of attachment in you, and you feel a desire to be around them and get closer to them. Who's to say that this is okay when it's a personality trait that inspires the attraction, but not okay when looks inspire the attraction? It's just an arbitrary decree society seems to have thrown down.

And there's nothing necessarily wrong with being attracted to someone based on just one characteristic like looks or confidence or whatever. These are just the things that start off a potential relationship. As long as you continue to learn about all the other dimensions of the person, no one can fault you for your initial 'shallow' attraction. And even if you don't want to get to know the person further, that's okay too. No one is obliged to get to know everyone in the world, and having a shallow attraction to someone is not wrong.

It's only when you exploit or take advantage of a person for that one characteristic you value when things get questionable. This includes things like using a person for sex because they are attractive, or for venting your problems to because they're good at listening and advising, or for improving your social status because they are popular, or for inflating your ego because they are nice and do things for you and you like the attention, etc. etc. All of these scenarios happen frequently, and none are more acceptable than any other, and none hurt any less either.


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## youngmoney (Oct 6, 2011)

mezzoforte said:


> Does anyone not care about looks too much when it comes to a relationship? be honest  If i feel comfortable around someone and they make me happy, it doesn't really matter what they look like. their personality becomes what makes them sexy  what're your thoughts?


I am 100% looks, 100% personality. I have very high standards.

The women I choose to become interested in and date are confident, trustworthy, and motivated. I find those qualities to be very attractive.

But, it is human nature to avoid women who may not be attractive. I can't say that I would date an unattractive person just because of their personality.

I like women who have dark hair, tanned skin, and can speak another language. That's just me.

I don't consider myself low because if I meet someone with an awesome personality but not-so-stellar looks, I do not ignore or reject them as a friend. They may become one of my best friends.

YM


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

Ape in space said:


> Contrary to usual thought, being attracted to someone based on some personality trait is no less shallow than being attracted based on looks. Either way, you're judging the person based on just one aspect of their being, without knowing the real depth of their true self. So it's just as shallow to want a person because they're funny, or because they're confident, or because they're smart in a certain field.
> 
> Think about what actually goes on in your brain when you are attracted to someone. You see or learn something that you like in the person, it inspires positive emotions and some kind of attachment in you, and you feel a desire to be around them and get closer to them. Who's to say that this is okay when it's a personality trait that inspires the attraction, but not okay when looks inspire the attraction? It's just an arbitrary decree society seems to have thrown down.
> 
> ...


This.


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## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i think looks and personality kind of work off of each other .. 

i wouldn't be drawn to someone in the first place if they weren't at least somewhat good-looking (which is completely subjective, of course) ..

but if i had two guys that looked very similar and i had awesome chemistry with one and the other one had the personality of a dishrag, the first one would probably start to look more attractive .. i guess its subconscious, but psychology research shows we are attracted to the more familiar .. so as i got to know someone, they become better looking.

if any of that makes sense.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Having SAD, I don't get a lot of attention, so anyone willing to give me that attention and care will be appreciated regardless. Unless they are dumb in a non-cute way, overly offensive, close-minded, massively overweight, unhealthy, heavy smokers, smelly, or anything else on my giant and ever changing list of turn offs lol.

It definitely helps when people look like who they are - their looks match their personality. But this is not always the case.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Its all chemistry really. Looks and personality need to go hand in hand. Like many people said, what you view as attractive will be subjective and that goes for what you like about a personality too.
I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with somebody I wasn't attracted to physically or emotionally, it would fall apart eventually.

Its true that some people can 'grow' on you, but they will usually have one aspect you are attracted to in the first place that will evolve over time.I often wonder though, what would happen if somebody else came along who you were immediately attracted to on all levels during the time that person was 'growing' on you.
It takes all kinds to make the world go round ^^


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## Lyrical Lonely (Oct 5, 2011)

My boyfriend's personality is what attracted me to him in the first place, but he. Is. Hot.

Just saying.

Really though, while it's important to be attracted to your partner, if you aren't attracted to his/her personality, that relationship isn't going to go anywhere. Both are really important factors in a healthy relationship.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

Looks, although personality is a good thing you can't **** a personality.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I know that it's true what people are saying about how the looks are the first thing you see that would attract you to someone, and then the personality comes second when you get to know them. For me though, I'm not "drawn" to people on looks. I'm not overly affected by it and people don't get my attention with their looks. When I'm out or in school, there could be guys all around me that probably have average or above average looks but it's like they are all just ghosts around me, they don't get my attention. It's only until someone presents some interesting personality, do or says something interesting, that suddenly my ears perk up. It might have to do with the fact that I'm not a sexual person, so perhaps the whole "physical attraction to mate" thing is not that strong in my brain. Or because I generally dislike people as a whole, I view everyone as shallow so I dissociate from everyone, until someone proves it otherwise which would grab my attention... 

In general, for most everyone, looks are really important. For me personally though, I have to say the personality is the most important, given that looks don't get my attention.


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## Odinn (Dec 15, 2012)

Looks mean 0 to me.
I have to connect with someone for it to matter.
Common interests, common goals, values...etc.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

*Looks vs Personality*

I can find something attractive about almost any girl if she takes care of herself at all. It's becoming harder and harder for me to become attracted to girls who expect me to be in good shape.. but they are in horrible shape themselves. Instead of exercising they just wear sexier clothing or more makeup, as if it covers it up. Anyways, personality is more important. I always put personality first.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Both.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

Not really, I can be attracted to an average looking girl if we have a good connection together and will see her prettier than models. Having a hot gf would be good, but it wont do anything for me, if I am not happy with her.


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

I don't notice people for their looks (unless that is all I have to go by, in which case the judgement will be very objective anyway). Usually, if I am interested in someone, it is because they have said or done something to catch my attention. However, _after_ noticing someone in this way, I will usually assess their appearance. I primarily watch their mannerisms. I have a broad range of things that I will pick upon.... For example: the way they smile (or perhaps the way that they _don't_ smile), where they look when they talk and the look in their eyes when they're doing it, or if they move their hands when they talk. Do they generally seem very expressive, impassive, anxious..? Every quality can be a positive or negative, depending on the combination-- depending on the _person_.

If I'm attracted to their personality, I will find physical features that attract me. Even with those who are not considered attractive by many, I can find something about them I fancy. If their mannerisms are cute to me, their 'ugly' features will be cute to me. If their mannerisms don't combine well with their appearance, I will not find them attractive. If someone who is commonly considered attractive has a personality that is not compatible with mine, I will not find them attractive. Even if I do upon first glance, the more I am exposed to their personality, the less their physical attributes will matter. If their mannerisms annoy me, their 'handsome' features will begin to annoy me. Looks still matter, but features are nothing without the person behind them.

On the other hand, I've never had someone realistically interested in me, so perhaps my standards are low. Who knows?


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## indigoXdaisy (Jan 22, 2013)

I don't really care about looks. I have never started liking someone based on their looks. The personality is what makes me attracted to someone. And once I start to like them (because of their personality), they become very attractive to me, no matter what they look like.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Looks are always the first thing you notice, so they are important. Some people, no matter how great their personality is, you just won't be attracted to them (even if they're good-looking). But a beautiful person can have a terrible personality that makes them less attractive. To me, it's like 50% looks, 50% personality. Half and half.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yeah, looks attract people..but then without noticing them you can be attracted to their personality first. Looks matter to me...not a whole lot but some. Also horrible crappy personality turn off.


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## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

When it comes to a serious relationship I tend to look for both personality and of course looks are important in some sense..cause i would have to be attracted to something physically too. She don't have to be model status looking woman. Just something that i would find attractive.


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## pukehappyness (Dec 5, 2012)

Looks are the first thing everyone notices, but everybody has different "taste". Like an average looking girl can be a dime to someone else. 

I tend to find most girls attractive, but I would get to know them and discover their personality before ever going further. For me, personality is crucial, a beautiful face is just a plus in that case.


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## light60 (Jan 20, 2013)

Well looks are important as you have to have some sort of physical attraction though I do value personality over looks as you need to be able to get along with the person and if it doesn't work out you'll still would've gained a friend


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

I forgot if I had answered the question but I'll do it again.

I have to be physically attracted to the person. Then it depends on their personality. But I don't have high standards. As long as that person is kind, compassionate and charitable and I connect with them then that's all that matters.

It's really attractive when an obviously good-looking person is quiet and shy. It makes me feel more attracted to them than if they were loud and out going.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Personality often dictates how a person looks.


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

solasum said:


> Personality often dictates how a person looks.


To a degree yes :yes

Also one's psychological state can make one appear better or worse, or even manifest physically (eg better skin, hair etc if one is relatively happy).

I think both matter, most people accept that personality matters most as they get older. I think all of us have our own standards for looks, and most of us do not think they are way too high. Personally i have standards in that respect, but i am not after perfection in looks by now. Personality is crucial, definitely. You need to connect.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Both personalit and looks play a part. I think personality affects how we see people, though. If someone has a pleasing personality, I start to see physical features I find attractive.


Quite so


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## cosmicslop (Nov 24, 2012)

A guy has to have something about their appearance I find psychically attractive, even if they fit my ideal to a small degree. The great thing about having a good personality is that it makes a person much more pleasant to look at. Good-looking people who are ugly on the inside are just ugly people. Their looks have gone to waste.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

It would be a lie for me to say that looks absolutely don't matter, as there are certain people I will never be attracted to regardless of their personality. But the vast majority of people, I start to find physically attractive because their personality is attractive. I start to focus more on certain features, and somehow see them in a different light. 

I think it's quite possible that we come to love someone for how they make us feel moreso than who they are. By that I mean, I don't feel that our looks defines us as a person, unless we're talking about fashion and style, than that's an expression of self and thereby an extension of personality. However, in society it seems like our looks do define us. However, aside from lusty feelings, looks don't actually illicit much response. A hot guy doesn't make me happy, nor does it make me like him. Furthermore, we all have these lists - besides physical requirements, there are other requirements like they must be intelligent or independent or ambitious. But if you think about it, so what if someone is intelligent? They could be condescending. And well, no one likes it when someone makes us feel incompetent or inadequate. What really determines attraction to me, is how I feel in their company - does he make me laugh, excite me intellectually and sexually, do I feel accepted completely, do I feel beautiful to him, do I feel cared for, understood and supported, etc.


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## iam2452 (Oct 12, 2012)

I think both looks and personality matter. My first impression of someone is always based on appearance initially. But in the end it's the personality that will make it or break it for me.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

uffie said:


> I dont have to choose. My girl has both =P


same.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I remember this thread.


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## Eyesontheskies (Jan 31, 2013)

Well I feel like I do have to be physically attracted to them. A guy really doesnt have to be a 10 though for me to like them. They have to be at least a little good looking, but after that it is their personality that makes me interested in anything more.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

No. I have to be attracted to her physically, otherwise it won't work. Top 20% at least. It doesn't help that I have a certain "look" that I'm attracted to. Lots of girls that might be considered attractive by others aren't interesting to me.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

Looks DO matter. Whoever says otherwise, is pure garbage. It matters to both men and women. Here is a show called "Dating In The Dark." Watch it to further clarify: 



Its not men only, women do disqualify men on their looks. Its a fact.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Of course both are relevant, and depending on each person individually, the traits they have are a big influence.

I can honestly like a guy who isn't a handsome hunk if I feel comfortable and have good conversations with him. I can also feel really attracted to a guy who I know nothing about but he catches my attention with his appearance. Though I think for most people, personality triumphs over the person's appearance. There's plenty of good looking people out there, but if you can't connect with your partner then what's the point?

If I'm looking for a relationship, I look for stability. If I'm with a hot guy and he's got a douchebag personality... well, things would end pretty quickly lol.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Tanya1 said:


> It's hard to say because I don't exactly have a type (except long hair, but that's not a must have), and often if I start liking someone's personality I might grow fond of their appearance too weirdly, even if I wasn't drawn in by it initially. Or maybe it's just that I only notice their looks after I've started liking them because of their personality? I don't know. Personality is usually a lot more important to me, but looks come into it as well.


I really like this post because people like to believe that looks have nothing to do with attraction, but I know what the first thing I notice is.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

lightningstorm said:


> Looks DO matter. Whoever says otherwise, is pure garbage. It matters to both men and women. Here is a show called "Dating In The Dark." Watch it to further clarify:
> 
> 
> 
> Its not men only, women do disqualify men on their looks. Its a fact.


**** ill just wear a mask


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## Crowned One (Jun 27, 2012)

solasum said:


> Personality often dictates how a person looks.


QFT

If you think someone looks pretty/handsome, why do you think they look like that? If you think someone looks ugly, why do you think they look like that? There are things you can do to find out why things look the way they do. This includes people. Personality tells you why people look the way they do.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

solasum said:


> Personality often dictates how a person looks.


That's BS.

Pricks who are model-handsome still get plenty of women.
Ugly guys with good personalities still get friendzoned. Unless they have high social standing.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

the truth about life is we all keep saying inner beauty is more important when outer beauty get everything in life easily


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## J_Duece (Mar 11, 2009)

Yeah personality makes a person grow on you, if you didn't initially find that person attractive. In reality I would want both in a girlfriend.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

J_Duece said:


> Yeah personality makes a person grow on you, if you didn't initially find that person attractive. In reality I would want both in a girlfriend.


Exactly!


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I would say I find most women attractive physically.


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## soulless (Dec 18, 2010)

A girl i may find initially attractive, but then get to know her and don't like her personality then she stops being attractive to me. Likewse a girl who may not be as attractive to begin with becomes beautiful if I really like her personality


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## millyxox (Dec 18, 2009)

Looks is what attracts me _first _but personality is the *glue*...Or sometimes I don't notice a guy first because he isn't 'good looking' but overtime once his personality shines, I start liking him & getting hooked. So in the end personality is a WIN. I stop caring about the looks in the end.


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## gof22 (Dec 25, 2012)

I prefer personality over looks.


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