# Ever felt jealous that your friend had other friends?



## TogahPartee

I know, I know, it's pretty darn crappy of me. Thing is I can't help it.

I 've got basically one friend in the dorms that I live in. She and I are pretty similar in our. . . let's call it quirkiness:eyes . Anyway, I have a really awesome time with her and I laugh a lot. Talking with her is like the only social interaction that I get, and even then it's only every few days that I get to catch up with her. 

So, let me get to the point. Just now, I felt like posting something on her facebook wall when I saw a message from a friend of hers asking when they would get the chance to hang out again. I'm really not proud of this but I felt kinda betrayed and kind of jealous. I immediately left facebook altogether and sulked for a bit. :blush

I know it's stupid and I can't expect her to only have one friend. But this has happened to me before in the very few friendships that I've been lucky enough to have. I was wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this. . . .


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## supersoshychick

TogahPartee said:


> I know, I know, it's pretty darn crappy of me. Thing is I can't help it.
> 
> I 've got basically one friend in the dorms that I live in. She and I are pretty similar in our. . . let's call it quirkiness:eyes . Anyway, I have a really awesome time with her and I laugh a lot. Talking with her is like the only social interaction that I get, and even then it's only every few days that I get to catch up with her.
> 
> So, let me get to the point. Just now, I felt like posting something on her facebook wall when I saw a message from a friend of hers asking when they would get the chance to hang out again. I'm really not proud of this but I felt kinda betrayed and kind of jealous. I immediately left facebook altogether and sulked for a bit. :blush
> 
> I know it's stupid and I can't expect her to only have one friend. But this has happened to me before in the very few friendships that I've been lucky enough to have. I was wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this. . . .


I only wanted my bestfriend for myself, so I understand completely how you feel. But we're not best friends anymore because of that. so eh...


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## Freiheit

Yes. A lot.


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## TogahPartee

Hmm. Well I'd never come out and say "Hey, don't hang out with other people. You should only have time for me!". That's not what I want to do. It just makes me feel kind of unhappy. Makes me wonder, the times when she says she's too busy to do stuff, is she actually hanging out with someone else? Sheeesh. I've got issues! :sus


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## mrdeez

I don't want my close friends to have only me as their close friend, but I have been jealous that they have the social skills to build those relationships and I don't.


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## heyJude

Oh gosh, yes. I've always felt a little "possessive" of some friends, even back in my kindergarten days, lol.


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## Annie K

Yes. I feel that way a lot. :|


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## layitontheline

I know how that feels. I get attached as well as jealous way too easily.


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## IccaBNedlog

Not since High School.


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## Shooterrr

Sometimes. I feel like they'll compare me to their other friends and realize how boring I am.


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## skittlez

Yesss! And then I feel like I'm a burden on my friend because she obviously can make friends and I can't, so she's just wasting her time with me... lol :/


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## The Daydreamer

Yes I get that feeling a lot too! I've got 2 really good friends and I feel so protective over them. I know its unrealistic but I can't help but want them to hang out with just me. Sadly this causes me to feel really hostile and jealous whenever I am with my friend's friends.


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## No Limit

I know where you're coming from. It's worst when you log into facebook and noticed they are at a place near where you live, but yet they didn't call you to say they are nearby. I've somewhat learned to deal with it (like hanging out with other friends), but it still stings.


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## thewall

Yes. Unfortunately, I'm a stage 5 clinger.


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## littlemisshy

Yes, I have one friend and she has other friends besides me. I get jealous at times, another reason why I don't want to join facebook!


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## velvet1

Yes, I understand that and you see on their facebook page someone telling them that they should hang out. You don't get asked or anything, from hardly anyone. After a while you get used to it, that it doesn't bother you.


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## andy1984

Yep I feel the same way about my best friend.


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## Lasair

ha yes and I bet they are all better and more fun then me...though that wouldn't be hard


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## nufc23

yeah i've got the same problem. it's wierd, you know yourself that there is no reason at all to be jealous, but deep down you just feel it.


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## aBucketandaMop

yes i know how you feel, i used to get really jealous like that too. but now i know the difference between my insecurity and truely when i am going to lose a friend. she still likes you, she just has other friends. i mean, there's no reason you can't have other friends too. sa can be overcome.


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## Vimsen

The only friend I ever had died from cancer five years ago, but yes, I am the same way. I know deep down I should not feel as I do, but I can't help it. But I also know when I am in my right to feel as I do, and when it's just an insecurity thing, I have learnt to tell the difference.


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## 52677747

I haven't felt jealous, I just know that Iam not his only friend. My best friend is still in high school so he has his other friends to deal with.


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## hulkamaniak

I'm always jealous when I am with multiple friends because they always seem to talk to each other more and I automatically become a third wheel, its even been to the point were we are walking and they will walk next to each other and I will trail behind


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## TogahPartee

hulkamaniak said:


> I'm always jealous when I am with multiple friends because they always seem to talk to each other more and I automatically become a third wheel, its even been to the point were we are walking and they will walk next to each other and I will trail behind


Oh my gosh. That is me to a tee. :/



nufc23 said:


> it's wierd, you know yourself that there is no reason at all to be jealous, but deep down you just feel it.


I know, right? You know it's irrational, but the feeling is still there in the back of your mind, nagging at you all the time. *sigh* :/


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## themoth

You're not alone in this...I often wondered why friends, or even family members,
weren't very loyal, but I think the problem is I'm_ too_ loyal. Others go on with their
lives without me, while I consider them my closest friends or something....I may imagine they are my closest friends b/c I don't know anyone else...!


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## millenniumman75

Yes, but that is also the self-esteem, or lack thereof, kicking in, too.


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## Max Horowitz

All the time.


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## pumpkinspice

I used to be very possessive of friends in high school. Now not so much but I do get jealous when I hear about friends hanging out with people that I can't stand and who I believe are horrible people.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses

I understand how u feel. I'm going through the same thing. I have an acquaintance that I eat lunch with everyday and she has loads of friends. I just dont understand why I would feel jealous, but I guess its just a normal reaction.


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## Funkadelic

All the time, yeah. Selfishly, I hope they don't make new friends so they stay with me. I know it's sad.


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## RyeCatcher86

Yeah, and it's one of the ****tier feelings you can have...


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## Knowla

I think for some reason maybe she doesn't love me as much bec she has these other people. 

Then I'm like What the heck am I thinking??? If she has friends I might be able to "inherit" them. -You know when you are not friends, but you have a friend in common so they talk to you anyway. (Wow I'm sad....:yes)


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## estse

My only friend (in rl) has 465 other friends. He's my best friend, but what am I to him? #256.


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## love kills slowly

Omg I feel that way a lot. I do it to my husband. He's got a lot of close friends and I know its wrong but I make him feel guilty for going out. He invites me to go with him sometimes but the sa is so hard to overcome. He doesn't understand my sa.


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## AshCash

If I find a friend talking about her other friends then I get really jealous and subconsciously detach myself from the person because I feel like I'm not needed and that I can't make them happy like their other friends can...which is probably true because I'm so lifeless.


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## Max Horowitz

Actually it's not really JEALOUSLY, there might be some jealously, but it's more more of a 'I'm not good enough or fun enough to be around/talk with so they're looking for a better friend than me, a replacement."


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## Revierypone

I just get jealous because I know that no matter what I do I can never have that many friends. It's more of an envy than a possessive jealousy.


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## soundofsilence

Yeah I have that feeling too. My boyfriend has some close friends and whenever he so much as mentions them it like, ruins my day. I think for it's that I want friends like that soooooooo darn much and it serves to me as I reminder that I don't have any and i maybe never will. It also makes me worry that one day he'll just have this realization that I'm a total loser because I don't have any friends, and he'll go find someone else who can bring more to his life then I can. And I'm just plain jealous too. I hate it


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## trinity02

I'm definetly guilty of this. It is a fear that you will loose your friend, or not measure up. Time and time again, I've been left out, and like someome mentioned earlier, I end up trailing behind, while they click and have a good time, what can u do really... its nice to know i'm not the only one who goes through this, next time it happens, I'll remember that.


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## JohnParker

Oh yes, I still feel this way today. I wish that I was good enough for someone so that we wouldn't need anyone else. I guess I'm a hypocrite though, because I have multiple friends. But I still long for a one, true best friend. I personally don't like hanging out with more than one person at a time either, like hulkamaniak said. It makes me feel unimportant.


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## fanatic203

Yes, me too. I have just a few friends, and they all have many other friends. When they talk about their other friends it makes me feel bad because I don't have anyone else to talk about. It's not that I don't want my friends hanging out with other people. I think everyone _should_ have a wide range of friends. I'm just jealous because I don't know how to make friends so easily.


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## dust3000

Yeah. I haven't had any friends since highschool, but in highschool I use to get annoyed when my 'friends' talked about other friends. Maybe I was jealous that they could get out and do things and I couldn't.


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## 2Talkative

Friends ? :blank

I'm jealous of anyone who is social.


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## polardude18

The last time I ever had a friend was my freshman year in highschool, she would always tell me about friends she would hang out with over the weekend or people she was doing things with. I knew she was never bragging but it made me feel jealous and kind of sad in a way. I feel kind of like someone whom I am friends with has other friends then they might not like me as much. Maybe it sounds vain but I really want to be a persons 'best' friend and if I am not the best friend I feel kind of left out.


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## hulkamaniak

Vanilllabb said:


> Yeaah , I sort of had a close freind ( gave up on everybody completely ) & everywhere we went people would come up to her & say (heeyyy ____!!!) .....then I'd just be standing their...awkword & silent. -_-
> 
> She always ask's me who else i've been hanging out with lately .. dawm I sure felt like a loser when I had'a answer that!


Haha ive had the same thing, its the worst feeling just standing around as they both chat - and if your lucky sometimes your friend will be like "btw this is my friend ______" and introduce you to ease the tension just a little bit - but from my experience that barely ever happened and I just sat there trying to stare at things and not look too nuts as they chatted away


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## mysterioussoul

i do feel jealous from time to time but otherwise i'm glad that they have other friends. they're entitled to and it's great that they can meet other people.

my only problem is that i resent being used. like the friend that i always hang out with would only invite me and drag me along to a social event that she's been invited to by her other friends or colleagues if she doesn't know anyone there and use me as a security blanket, but if she does know people then she wouldn't invite me at all. i really resent that, but you know people are people. i wouldn't do that to her. i would invite her if i feel awkward going alone but if she doesn't want to then i wouldn't force her. if i was up to it i would go by myself.


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## Ashley1990

I was so ashamed before reading this..
Ya I do ,I do a lot....i m so jealous.we are three best friends..the one to whom I m closer has my my other best friend closer to her..i feel so jealous that I cant explain....and I cant let her know abt this..even if my common friends try to get closer to her..my god..my heart is about to blast,i jst think to turn their faces black and blue...its too hard to control


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## Diacetylmorphine

I've experienced this.
I tend to get insanely jealous whenever a new person is introduced to a friend.

I always believe _(irrationally, mind you)_ that they will find the other person more interesting. 
Which in turn, will lead them to spend less time with me. Eventually ditching me. 
(Which I believe has happened in the past.)


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## nycdude

Yes a little bit when I used to have friends.


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## IvyAndRoses

I feel this way right now. I'm okay with her having other friends, that's fine. But now she goes four months without seeing me and never talking to me. Only comes around when she needs something. But I do feel completely and utterly replaced.


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## wigglesbutts

thewall said:


> Yes. Unfortunately, I'm a stage 5 clinger.


:teeth

Thanks TheWall for a good laugh! I'm right there with you on that one. I've toned it down quite a bit over the last few years and have kinda gone to the other end of the spectrum by avoiding people or waiting for them to approach me. But yeah, I definitely can be a stage 5 clinger too, lol.


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## wigglesbutts

TogahParty,

I understand your feelings. I definitely struggle with this too. I think for me it's that I wasn't included to hang out with my friend and her other friends too. So it's not so much if my friend has other friends, I guess it's more about the fact that she doesn't try to include me with her new/other friends. Do you feel like that at all?


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## JustKittenRightMeow

Heck yes, especially when she accepted help from then when she felt down but ignored me or shooed me away when I tried to make her feel better.


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## wigglesbutts

JustKittenRightMeow said:


> Heck yes, especially when she accepted help from then when she felt down but ignored me or shooed me away when I tried to make her feel better.


 Have had this happen to me too. I just wanted to be like "HELLO! I've been here for years and years and I'm replaced just like that?" Either way it sucks, and it hurts. To this day I am still trying to figure people out. Sorry this happened. Hope you were able to get some resolution.


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## Christina123

I'm embarrased to admit it, but I've felt that way. 
I think it's part jealousy. That they have friends and people to hang out with, and things do to, while I don't. When I keep myself preoccupied with my two hobbies, I notice my jealousy is a lot less. And I also think that to only have on friend, like I do, is emotionally unhealthy. It screws with the friendship dynamic.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses

yeah, i can totally relate. When I actually meet people that I really like to hang with. It just makes me sad sometimes when they have other friends because its make me feel like they are going to stop being my friend sooner or later. Its kinda like I cant compete with their other friends, because of lack of adequate social skills.


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## akt

I used to get jealous when my ex-bf had friends... I guess it caused a problem that I always wanted to be included with going out since I had noone else to go out with. I think I'd get jealous of a regular friend having friends too; just if they see I have no other friends I'd expect them to introduce me to their other friends, like if they are a circle of friends, I should be included.


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## wootmehver

YES! But not lately, thank God. In the past I have gotten very posessive of my few friends and gotten very jealous thinking about how they are probably much closer to their other "normal" friends who are probably wayyyy less maintenance than me. I guess I want them to play emotional babysitter with me until I "grow up." 

But would I want one of my friends to only have me as a friend? Definitely not, as I want them to be able to report to me what the real world is all about and give me juicy gossip. I don't want my friends to degenerate into the complete social retard I am.


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## Cheesecake

I haven't. I'm have never been attached to any of my friends. I know they have better friends than me, and I'm okay with that. That means I don't get bothered as much by them.


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## purplefruit

My best (and only) friend has tons of friends, is super exteroverted, etc

I'm NOt really jealous, just feeling like why would she stil want to be friends wtih me if she has so many cooler friends.


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## JustKittenRightMeow

wigglesbutts said:


> Have had this happen to me too. I just wanted to be like "HELLO! I've been here for years and years and I'm replaced just like that?" Either way it sucks, and it hurts. To this day I am still trying to figure people out. Sorry this happened. Hope you were able to get some resolution.


I think that might have been the last real time I talked to her :roll :boogie

It was one of those moments where I thought "Why do I even bother having friends?" XD


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## sheesleeva

*even with friends, I get jealous*

I thinks it is normal to be possessive of the friends you treasure the most. I have a good number of friends, play sports, involved in community things, etc., but still find myself getting jealous when the friend I consider one of my best friends spends time with other people. Why? Because, she is the most comfortable, fun person for me to spend time with -- so when she does things like stops running with me in the mornings, but once a month has time to run with another friend, I get jealous and angry because I have personally heart the other friend making fun of my friend behind her back and sabotaging my friend's business by telling potential customers to go elsewhere. In my heart, she is family and I can't stand that she thinks someone who is her friend is not, and then she does things with that person that she won't do with me.

rationally, I know she stopped running with me because she could no longer get up at 5:15 a.m. to run when she has a full time job, her dad has been sick, and her own family to take care of, plus, I still see her once or twice a week - but I still get jealous that she makes time for her nefarious friend when nefarious is backstabbing her. she also buys nefarious gifts for ... I'm not sure, being her friend? Nefarious makes fun of her for this behind her back too. If I were a perfect friend, I would see it for what it is, let it play out, and not get jealous .... but my inner jealousy is hard to tamp down. we have gotten into two really big fights over it, which makes our friendship weaker. my solution - I got off facebook and not seeing the b.s. "i love you" posts from nefarious has helped.


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## InMyDreams55

Yep! And it sucks big monkey nards!


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## gmdrew

Yes...I do. I want someone that would always be there for me like I would for them


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## KaliumRookie

.


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## river1

Yeah. I always had friends who would hang out with me after school but not at school.. so of course they had different crowds that I wasn't involved in. It truly hurt.


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## Quinn the Eskimo

felt the same way before

especially growing up, was so scared of making new friends that I would just cling on to one..

had so many gosh darn good times though.. i think thats why it hurts when they move on to someone else.. lol(sounds like im talking about a relationship)


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## InfiniteBlaze

Ugh. HS memories.

Yes, I have. My best friend I've known since freshman year stated out like me, nerdy and not having many friends at all. However, he slowly met more people. Junior year he suddenly met a **** load of new people through band class. He started greeting people whom I never thought he'd ever be friends with.


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## Meta14

My best friend is on the football team, is nice, talented, smart, and super social. People are surprised to hear we're even friends, though he acts like it's nothing. The reason we're friends is because we're childhood friends with lots in common. I'm going to tell you now, I have so many things to be jealous of him for, it's hard to pick.


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## Eia Au

I feel threatened by my friends friends also. I don't like this about myself but something I noticed since elementary school.


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## Catnap

I only felt bad when it felt like I had been forgotten about, but I realized I was being overly dependent on one person, whereas they were supplementing their social life via many different avenues, not just me. It didn't make it any better though, just added guilt and self-disgust to the sadness, lol.


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## catattack

yes, i know it's terrible but i can't help it... i only have one close friend. i've asked him to include me when he does stuff with his other friends, but he's been reluctant to do that. i don't know how else i could possibly make any new friends though. i'm starting to feel like i'm a burden to him.


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## Toppington

I hated this guy that dragged my best and only friend away from me every single day at some point. (Who is no longer either since he just stopped talking to me.) I swear, he did it just to spite me. But yes. I get way too jealous when someone I don't have any interest in interferes. It's because of this that I doubt I could ever be a good boyfriend.


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## Nekomata

I'd say that I am *nodnod* and when my boyfriend had friends I was pretty jealous of him... there was a time when I was too nervous and scared to meet his friends. I got over that eventually though and met... one of them xD. We hung out a bit, was fine. But otherwise... I am jealous that my online friends have other friends... ones they get to see a lot and stuff, whereas I'm just always at home alone... or with my boyfriend *sigh*


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## Christina123

Right now I'm jealous of a friend's friendship with someone.


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## FireIsTheCleanser

I don't like to admit it, but yes, I do get jealous that my friend had other ones, I know; selfish and stupid and immature


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## meganmila

Yes. I had a friend back in high school where she was super nice to everyone and had other friends and me with no one really but her. Every time she would talk to her other friends or she had a other friend in class I did get jealous. I didn't feel like I fit in. Like two people would talk instead of three which I am the third person. They had their own little world. So yes it felt horrible. Made me feel like a loser cause I didn't have anyone except for another friend that she was also friends with. So if we hung out I want her all to myself heh.

That same friend messaged me on Facebook wishing me a happy birthday :/ Weird.


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## 1anonymous1

Yes I feel that a lot, rather instead of being jealous of her other friends I am more jealous of her ability to make other friends and to instantly connect with people.


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## mezzoforte

Yes.


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## josh23

Oh yes.


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## BoyWonder

*This hits close to home.*



The Daydreamer said:


> Yes I get that feeling a lot too! I've got 2 really good friends and I feel so protective over them. I know its unrealistic but I can't help but want them to hang out with just me. Sadly this causes me to feel really hostile and jealous whenever I am with my friend's friends.


That's almost exactly where _I_ am. About 2 months ago I met two boys and we really hit it off. Yes, I was aware they must have other friends. A week ago, we went to the movies and then stopped at their house to play some Wii before I went home. Their Wii was _*stuffed*_ with other friends (as Miis) and it really showed me how close they were with a lot of other boys.

I was eager to sleep over, but my brother told me that doing that the immediate weekend after would make me look clingy and they'd get sick of me. I should back off and give them time to hang out with their other buds that they evidently have. I am very jealous because they're the only friends I have. And this friendship means everything to me, but it might just be another drop in the bucket to them. Now, because I fear annoying them, I'm forcing myself not to text them until at least 3 days before an engagement, and I'm just as miserable and self-conscious as I was before I had _any_ friends.


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## wootmehver

YES! I am totally convinced that my friends have deeper and better and truer friendships with their other friends than with their seriously socially retarded friend (me). 

I think they think "I like Kevin but he is just too damn weird and mental for any sort of bromance." 

I am quite jealous and clingy and so desperately want to be in my friend's inner sanctums where I can feel gloriously socially validated and accepted.


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## Farideh

Friend? No. Sister? Yes.


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## wannabesomebody

Always!


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## SartoriTaurus

Though I never say anything, it's exactly how I feel. It even angers me to the point that I refuse to hang out with them, but I never say anything. I wouldn't want my few friends to think I', possessive or obsessed with them.


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## CoastalSprite

Yes. I'm a pretty insecure person so I worry that my friend will stop being friends with me when he/she has other, better friends


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## Rabbitheartedgirl

Good to know I'm not the only one! I've only ever had one friend who I've been friends with since we were five and I always used to hate it when she made other friends. We're still friends despite living in different countries yet it's her wedding next month and I haven't been invited, so maybe she doesn't think of me a friend anymore, just an acquaintance.


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## Christina123

Yes, I get jealous. I think a lot of it is because I want the social skills to have more than one friend myself.


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## BoringBum

TogahPartee said:


> I know, I know, it's pretty darn crappy of me. Thing is I can't help it.
> 
> I 've got basically one friend in the dorms that I live in. She and I are pretty similar in our. . . let's call it quirkiness:eyes . Anyway, I have a really awesome time with her and I laugh a lot. Talking with her is like the only social interaction that I get, and even then it's only every few days that I get to catch up with her.
> 
> So, let me get to the point. Just now, I felt like posting something on her facebook wall when I saw a message from a friend of hers asking when they would get the chance to hang out again. I'm really not proud of this but I felt kinda betrayed and kind of jealous. I immediately left facebook altogether and sulked for a bit. :blush
> 
> I know it's stupid and I can't expect her to only have one friend. But this has happened to me before in the very few friendships that I've been lucky enough to have. I was wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this. . . .


 Here is a book suggestion that helps when it comes to dealing with negative emotions like jealousy - "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill" by Matthieu Ricard.


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## AceEmoKid

Sorry for reviving this really old thread, but I relate to this so much. I hate to admit it, but I get extremely clingy. It's just that I feel like I have a unique intimate bond with this person, I feel like they've never shared these feelings with other people but then I realize that they most likely have, with other friends. I guess I just am selfish. I want to be everyone's only friend, or at least their closest. I want to feel special and important.


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## deadgirlrunning

heyJude said:


> Oh gosh, yes. I've always felt a little "possessive" of some friends, even back in my kindergarten days, lol.


^^ I was pretty possessive of my best friend when I was a little kid. To my credit, I'm pretty sure she purposely made me jealous at times (there's a home video where that's pretty obvious lol). Since then, I wouldn't say I get possessive of friends. I tend to get really freaking anxious when I'm with them and another friend (or two or three) that I don't know. Gah, I'm getting anxious just thinking about it!


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## maryseouellet

I am jealous cause of that, but because I want also to have more friends, not because I want to be their only friend...


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## a degree of freedom

All the time.


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## Liability

I feel this way as well. Sometimes I just dont even try to be friends with someone who I know is popular and has alot of friends. I see it as why waste my time when he has so many other options of people who arent shy or awkward. Its a terrible and destructive way to think but I do it all the time.


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## Alwaysanxiousgirl

I feel this way, too.

It's even worse when the person you're jealous of is your S/O slash only friend.


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## hulkamaniak

Yep this is basically my biggest problem SA wise at the moment.

My only friend works and has been making new friends at work.

We still talk each week and hang out on the weekend 99% of the time, but I am insanely jealous of his other friends and like others have said in this topic - just him mentioning them can ruin my day and cause me to become jealous.

Its got really bad to the point were if I don't hear from him for even a day I check up on him in certain ways - like smsing him and saying "hey whats happening man" in total anxiety that he is hanging out with other friends and having fun without me.

The worst part is I have let my anger and jealousy build up so much that I have gone off at him and basically said how I feel and that I feel he is bored of me and has more fun friends etc. etc. so its made stuff really awkward, its been going on for a few years now actually and we are still friends but would not surprise me if it ended at any point.

Its really annoying, I know its wrong but I just cant make any new friends for the life of me, next week I am basically going to try and get out and go to social events each week in hope of tackling this problem as I feel just having more friends and self worth will help over time


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## BigBlueMoon

Oh god yes.

What's even worse is if you introduce a friend to another friend of yours, and they end up connecting real well and end up leaving you out... T_T


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## DreamerInSlumberland

Yes. It's an unhealthy characteristic to have. I've done this with my closest friend where I've felt resentful to the point it's almost destroyed our friendship. I realize it's because of my lack of friends, so I am dependent on him to fill that void. I've felt left out. I have even felt this way with my family.

Hopefully, when I get a better handle on my SA, I can have more people in my life where I won't burden anyone like that and be more confident in myself.


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## RadioactivePotato

Yes, I feel bad about it though.


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## Charmed827

Yup, i quite often feel anxious that Ill loose my best friend due to battling my social anxiety.


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## djluminus89

supersoshychick said:


> I only wanted my bestfriend for myself, so I understand completely how you feel. But we're not best friends anymore because of that. so eh...


The exact same thing happened to me. Through my college years over a period of about 5 years I became best friends with a friend I only knew of from other friends initially.

As we became closer and I suffered a back injury 2 years ago, I lost a lot of social connections, stopped going out for that year while I was recovering, and during that time pretty much hung out almost exclusively with this friend.

We became very good friends, best buds, but eventually I started to get mad at little things he would do that annoyed me, get resentful of other of his friends when they came to hang out with him and what ended it was one time I read too much into something and figured he wanted to go out with other friends and was trying to avoid me and called him on it. That was when he felt I was too attached and cut me off. Several of his friends that I had become better friends with remained my friends but later cut me off as well as they saw the same problems with me my old best friend did.

It may not have helped that I told them all I suffer from S.A.D. and depression, they would call me out on it a lot when they thought I was being awkward or defensive. So I lost my last group of friends, but I still have all my old childhood friends, I just havent heard from them in ages.


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## MarjoleinL

Yes. And it is so stupid, because if one of my friends felt like that with me, I'd get crazy. But I think everyone has this jealousy, not just people with SA.


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## DarrellLicht

That sort of thing used to make me feel undermined. Not so much that there are other friends, but that I wouldnt be included. 

That still happens to me to this day. I've learned to accept that my company is best in small doses. I also learned to never let myself become a string-along. 
You should not go out of your way for a person if you're convinced they would not do the same for you. 
And if I happen to be in present company with a person in question, I continue to treat them with respect. Nobody's feelings get hurt, and you still get to network a little.


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## Haruhi

been trying to figure out this problem i've had for like a week or two >.< and op pretty much just summed up exactly what i'm having =(

however i feel it's to late and i've lost my best friend =(

edit - anyone found solution to this or how to get not so obsessive? very stressful >.<


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## harikiri

Hmm. Yes. Was too possessive, too protective and over-invested in my best (closest) female friend. She had a strong circle of female friends she went back years with and I was not her best friend. When she ditched me (it's a long story but it involved a huge betrayal) it really hurt. Still hurts now, three years later. I am unlikely ever to have a friend like that again. Would rather stagger through life alone than go through that heartache again.

I really hope this doesn't happen to you OP, but the best course of action would be to widen your own social circle as best you can: hedge your bets and don't put all your eggs in one basket, to mix metaphors...


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## Rsantiago1011

It makes me feel good that other people get his jealousy lol, and i know it comes from my social anxiety. I though i was just a jealous *****. Im jealous of my best friend's relationship with her guy best friend that she known for long than me and her have been best friends. We have group chats on facebook and they're nice people but it pisses me off when they have inside jokes, it makes me feel so left out.


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## GangsterOfLove

Yeah I can relate. But what bothered me more was when my friend would invite another friend of hers to hang out. It makes me nervous, especially at first, to have to be social with your friends friend. To me it sort of feels like a competition. It makes me feel uncomfortable and jealous because I am always worried that my friend will enjoy her other friends company more and just ignore or ditch me. I know, I am weird.


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## Kinruti

*my best frnd...my life*

a couple year back i had lots of frnz n i used to njoy my life to d fullest vid my frnz as wel as my bestie! as tym passed r bondin became stronger n stronger bt as tym passed she became vry much possesive fuh me n fuh her i left ol my frnz bcoz i luv her alot bt nw whn i m frndless n she has many frnz i feel vry bad fuh me! n i never restrictd her to do anythng as she olwys does. i aso knw dat she luvs me too bt yet i feel so lonely. plz hlp me


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## allthatsparkles

Nope. Maybe it's because I have a bunch of friends? I don't know, but I don't think it's right to feel jealous, because we don't own our friends.


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## Haruhi

all the time.


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## Perkins

Yes, I tend to get jealous, unfortunately. I'm not proud of it, but I at least don't act on these feelings because they're ridiculous. My brain always goes "STOP LIKING PEOPLE THAT AREN'T ME!"


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## percon21

This has happened to me.

For me, the reason that I would get jealous is because they're going to find someone better than me and leave me in the dust. This would not be such a bad thing if making friends weren't so difficult.


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## NeedyFriend

*roomate stealing your friendship with best friend*

I have a best friend with whom I came to a new university. i introduced her to my roommate. She (the best friend) lives very closeby. He(My roommate) always used to try to hang out with her and me, especially because of her. And because he is good at a lot of stuff including cooking, they have become very closer than me. Even when I confronted her, she said all my friends are equal and that I am thinking too much. But I do really know that they have become very close, than me, they cook together, they enjoy each others conversation and they hangout a lot together when I am not there. I have become a second fiddle, a third wheel. It hurts a lot to see your roommate enjoying the kinda friendship and moments you had envisioned with your best friend. It is difficult to see my best friend giving more attention and importance to her than me. I dunno how to cope with this, He is a better person than me in a lot of aspects.
And because he is my roommate it is very difficult to hangout with her alone without she asking him to join us. However he gets to hangout with her without me due to my busy schedule and spend a lot of time together. Thus he has become more closer to her than me and she just treats me like another of her friends, not like a best friend now.
I am at a loss to see how can I cope with seeing them more closer than me everyday while i become a third wheel in my house


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## Perkins

God yeah. Mainly because I mainly had no other friends and soon as they tell me that they were hanging out with someone else my jealousy would kick in and my brain would be like "DAMMIT. STOP LIKING OTHER PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ME!" 

I still get this way sometimes. Only I don't verbalize it.


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## BlazingLazer

Perkins said:


> God yeah. Mainly because I mainly had no other friends and soon as they tell me that they were hanging out with someone else my jealousy would kick in and my brain would be like "DAMMIT. STOP LIKING OTHER PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ME!"
> 
> I still get this way sometimes. Only I don't verbalize it.


Lol, looks like you said almost the exact same thing a year and a half ago just a couple of posts above. Another thread victim to the first-time poster bump.


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## Federov

Wouldn' know because I don't have any friends so I can't be jealous of their friends. None of these people exist.
But actually I understand most people aren't like me and if I'm friends with anyone ever it's because they are likeable, so them having friends would be anything but surprising and I'd be happy for them.


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## BlazingLazer

On my end, I wouldn't necessarily say jealous as I would prefer "envious". If I notice that the social life + the amount of friends that someone I know has (as well as how close they are, how well they gel, and especially how much they like each other) is significantly different than mine, I tend to wonder what it is that I'm not doing right.

It IS kind of like a big smack in the face from the arm of loneliness, of course.


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## waldorfs

Yeah, it makes me feel like they don't need me as much as I need them. I feel like I will be replaced, easily. I know it's irrational, but I've actually had it happen to me a couple times so I do feel a little justified in my jealousy. Of course I'd never say anything about it and I keep it to myself. It just hurts me a lot. I hate feeling this way but no matter how much I tell myself that it's stupid and irrational to have these feelings, I still get so jealous. I'm the worst.


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## XRik7X

Yeah, it made me notice how socially inept I am.


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## TooStressed

Yes, this happens a lot to me, and I usually feel shut out by my friend's other friends, although I have no friends now, so doesn't matter for me.


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## SunshineSam218

Yes I often feel like this a lot of the time. I hate how I get like this too, but sometimes I can't help myself. I know my friend is going to have other friends, but I get jealous.  Cause I usually feel left out.


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## SmartCar

Not jealous.. more like i feel like i'm intruding.. or that i'm a stranger, among their friends, that's only thing.. but i wanna add, wasn't this thread started in 2010? .. how come these old threads keep getting bumped.. of course this will probably sound silly, since i'm contributing to it.. but yeah :lol


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## NeedyFriend

Thats cos I bumped because I wanted to vent out my feelings. And these feelings are natural to anyone who is a bit insecure about their relationship with a particular friend


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## mixtape

Not really jealous, just out of place. Anytime I had a freind who had a group of freinds I didnt fit in with the group.


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## HenDoggy

I like this so they don't bug me to hang out with them all the time.


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## NeedyFriend

And the worst part is if you dunno if you are just possessive about the friendship or it has led you to fancy your friend


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## SimsFan

I'm feeling this way right now and I know that it's a selfish way to think. I have multiple friends, so why would I expect my friends to ONLY be friends with me.

In my case, it's totally a self esteem issue. I feel inadequate and undeserving of my friends attention. I get to a point where i wonder if they're just being friends with me because they feel sorry for me. And then when I see them with another friend being more social than they are with me, I feel like a failure. Lately, one of my friends has been spending less time with me in favor of one his other friends. Although I can't blame him for wanting to be with someone more social than I am, it still really hurts.


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## pocketbird

I used to be somewhat jealous, but I've always had an appreciation for being alone. When they ask to hang out, I felt like they were just as lonely as I am having to come to me for the attention, so it wasn't that bothersome.


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## ikrisskross

It's funny this thread came up for me because I'm going through something very similar right now.  The only friend I had (in person) I considered her my best friend even though I knew she didn't consider me hers. I was okay with that because I've only known her for a couple months, but in that time she literally felt like the best friend I've ever had and we used to talk and hangout every single day; she used to talk about things she did with her other friends but it didn't use to bother me that much.

However, she met a guy *because* of me back in December and I haven't seen her since. I don't know if it's a mixture of jealousy and/or loneliness but I hate the fact that after she met him, we've maybe talked for about 5 minutes in total since last year. It's just not fair because I put forth a lot effort towards our friendship. She told me in one of our _very_ brief conversations that she was just friends with him, which sucks because we were just friends and now she treats me as if I'm irrelevant.

As I'm typing this, it seems a little bit different than a lot of your guys' cases but I feel like I completely lost my best friend and from someone who's typically in a good mood 90% of the time.. This really gets me down.. ops


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## anonymid

Yeah, I've been prone to feeling this way for as long as I can remember. I'm fully aware of how selfish and unreasonable it is, and I hate myself for it, but I can't seem to help the feeling. Just a product of insecurity and low self-esteem, I guess.


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## wootmehver

Yea, I used to be like this years ago. 

Possessive of my friends and jealous of my friend's friends having fun or orgies with my friend. Jealous of my friend and my friend's friends going off somewhere and doing all sorts of cool stuff together without a thought about me, and maybe my friend thinking "Wow, my NORMIE friends are SOOOOOO MUCH FUNNER than my sweet little naïve social retard S.A. friend!" 

NOWADAYS I don't care AT ALL if a friend has 1,000,000 supersexy worldy friends across the globe.

A really good feeling.


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## Renee Lee

yeah me too.... I feel terrible when I see my friends get along so well with other people! they seem to be happier without me and having more fun with others. I'm not good in social and they're the exact opposite. I wonder am I being jealous just because I feel that I'm such a loser that don't even know how to make friends....feel like getting dumped, but it's so stupid isn't it?, it's not like I own them and they can be with no one else other than me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AmbiValenzia

I have this pride that gets violated when someone favors other people over me, yes.


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## MaePa

This exact this is what lost me my most recent best friend. It's hurts. I know it's an irrational thought, but I also know pretty much EVERYTHING I think is irrational, but it doesn't make it feel any less real. Even in the good times, I could never shake the fact that they were just hanging out with me out of pity and would rather be around other friends. And well, now they can be around them and they're not stuck with me anymore. Lucky them, I suppose...


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## Itisjustme

I am and have always been a 1 friend at a time person, I can't handle the stress of having more friends, I move on from friends when they start favouring other friends company and feel like they are being disloyal. But I am always there supporting them through there troubles, then when they feel better they find more friends and move on, its like I have made a role for myself of supporting people so they can move on with other friends and have more fun.


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## Dillingerr

In school when my friend leaves to hang with another group he isn't really apart and of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 658298

Yesss, they are so much better at talking to people than me. I'm that awkward shy friend and because they are so different I always wonder how we are even friends


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## mike91

Yer twice it happend i was friends with two brothers one time i went to a birthday party and one of them did not even say hi just ignored me so i talked and hung around with his other brother then the other one had a friend over as well as me and said hi mike and then said bye yet i hardly ever visited them due to we went to different schools


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## MartinM

TogahPartee said:


> I know, I know, it's pretty darn crappy of me. Thing is I can't help it.
> 
> I 've got basically one friend in the dorms that I live in. She and I are pretty similar in our. . . let's call it quirkiness:eyes . Anyway, I have a really awesome time with her and I laugh a lot. Talking with her is like the only social interaction that I get, and even then it's only every few days that I get to catch up with her.
> 
> So, let me get to the point. Just now, I felt like posting something on her facebook wall when I saw a message from a friend of hers asking when they would get the chance to hang out again. I'm really not proud of this but I felt kinda betrayed and kind of jealous. I immediately left facebook altogether and sulked for a bit. :blush
> 
> I know it's stupid and I can't expect her to only have one friend. But this has happened to me before in the very few friendships that I've been lucky enough to have. I was wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this. . . .


Dude I totally understand, I mean I would do the same thing as you...:frown2:


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## CopadoMexicano

Somewhat jealous of others with friends. but i get alot more jealous when they end up with girlfriends.


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## AB1994

I understand how you all feel because I feel the same. I have a bunch of lazy friends and I think the reason they're lazy is because they probably have better friends than me. i try and talk but I get nothing from them so in the end I give up. It's horrible comparing be yourself to everyone else but it's one of them things we can't help.


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## QuietEmerald

Yes


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## ezioauditore

Shooterrr said:


> Sometimes. I feel like they'll compare me to their other friends and realize how boring I am.


This is exactly me. Basically every reply on this thread is exactly me. Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like this and hates it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Barakiel

Yeah sometimes, I guess it's nice knowing I'm not the only one who feels that way but I still feel pretty bad and even guilty about it sometimes.

oh yeah and a lot of it has to deal with feeling inferior to others too, guess that's an SA thing many of us have to deal with :\


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## Blue11

TogahPartee said:


> I know, I know, it's pretty darn crappy of me. Thing is I can't help it.
> 
> I 've got basically one friend in the dorms that I live in. She and I are pretty similar in our. . . let's call it quirkiness:eyes . Anyway, I have a really awesome time with her and I laugh a lot. Talking with her is like the only social interaction that I get, and even then it's only every few days that I get to catch up with her.
> 
> So, let me get to the point. Just now, I felt like posting something on her facebook wall when I saw a message from a friend of hers asking when they would get the chance to hang out again. I'm really not proud of this but I felt kinda betrayed and kind of jealous. I immediately left facebook altogether and sulked for a bit. :blush
> 
> I know it's stupid and I can't expect her to only have one friend. But this has happened to me before in the very few friendships that I've been lucky enough to have. I was wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this. . . .


That happened to me before and I think it was because I was so lonely that I depended on that one good relationship to make me happy. Lonesome and shy people can be possessive of the very few relationships they manage to have. Your case fits in with this category.

It's very good that you know your jealousy is not rational. It's the first step to fixing the issue. I think the best way is to start gradually reaching out to new people, one at a time, and make friends with them. A simple, "hi, how's it going?" to someone in your dorm can get the conversation going. Work slowly but steadily and you'll see that you won't feel the jealousy like before.

Everyone needs friends and will hangout with different people occasionally. Don't limit yourself to just one and put the burden on both you and your friend to stay committed to only each other. Also don't wait for friendship to come to you, go out and seek for it. You'll be amazed how many people can become good friends with you. Best wishes.


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## oopsiecoopsie

TogahPartee said:


> Hmm. Well I'd never come out and say "Hey, don't hang out with other people. You should only have time for me!". That's not what I want to do. It just makes me feel kind of unhappy. Makes me wonder, the times when she says she's too busy to do stuff, is she actually hanging out with someone else? Sheeesh. I've got issues! :sus


I have a similar thing with my best friend, she hangs out with her work mates and she's one of the only people I really open up to about things going on in my life. We have the same group of friends but they contact her a lot more than they do me, I could go weeks without hearing anything from them. It does hurt, especially when you don't know why the reason is, I think it's because I think I'm less fun than her perhaps. I wouldn't ever wish her to have less friends though, more that I wish I had more


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## AmbiValenzia

I want to be best friends with people. Inseparable with some people i like pretty much. Knowing they have people who they prefer to do some things with, makes me jealous to no end.


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## Farideh

Of course because people who only have one friend are afraid of having that love taken away from them. That's how I felt about a dear friend of mine who's now popular and I disappeared from his thoughts. I no longer exist to him. This guy was my only friend. I didn't have anyone else. I'm not surprised that our friendship ended this way. I knew it was going to happen. That's what high school is doing to a lot of people.


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## Arcases

when i was in highschool my close friend told me a story about how he and his new buddy effed a girl , i started crying and hung up on the phone , my dad got worried he thought it was a girl i was somehow involved with back then i realized how retarded my dad were


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## TumblrAddict

I was when I first started college. I only had two real friends at the time and they were always hanging out with other people. They are so much better at making friends than I am. I was just like a third wheel. It's just us three now, though. I'm pretty happy about that because I can have them all to myself, but I still feel guilty about it sometimes.


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## visualkeirockstar

At one point. I don't care anymore.


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