# I want to see a therapist but I don't know what to say



## Mil (Aug 22, 2011)

Ok, this might sound weird, but I'm so confused about what my problem/s is/are and I don't know what to even say.

One is that when I'm alone I'm constantly getting analytical thoughts, like trying to organise life, or define things. Also I constantly overthink a particular thing, like I might notice something, and then I think about the fact that I noticed it, and then I could think about how humanity could collect each individual thing to know and have a pool of knowledge. Another one is thinking about how letters were created to convey meaning, yet what meaning do they have when they're just a combination of symbols.. or something lol. Just really weird thoughts that are pointless - But most importantly, they only bother me when I want to stop thinking about something, they're like a way of escaping. The individual thoughts don't matter to me really.

Then I have another problem in that I feel like deep down people won't really like me, like if there's something about someone doesn't like about me they will dislike me as a whole.

For some reason I'm attached to this old identity of me - The silly weird person.

I feel inferior to almost everyone, yet I know that when I'm in a good mood I know that I'm not.

A major one for me is that when the mood gets lighthearted, I physically can't loosen up. I feel like I have a particular identity to conform to, otherwise I'll do something stupid, or just not be myself.

Despite me opening up to people, I always feel that deep down they don't want to hear anything, I don't even know if what I'm saying to them is a real problem. Yet I know that really it's just that they wouldn't want to be bombarded with my problems.

But the biggest one is that I'm almost always lethargic. Somehow people have the energy to live life, to see people, to enjoy it, and yet I feel like I can't just be myself. Like the world doesn't truly know me. If I'm with some people, they can keep on hanging out for ages, whereas I just can't enjoy myself any longer.. At the same time, I find it dull on my own. I just always find it dull.

There's still more I could talk about, but I just don't want to make this post awfully long, and I feel like I'd be telling you my life story. I can't event think straight, and I don't know if I'm just addicted to trying to control my life, mainly because of people in the past who made me start thinking about who people really are. I keep thinking about the nature of institutions and stuff when I'm in this overthinking mood.

I don't even know what to talk about now. Can I just ask, is it healthy to find enjoyment in just forgetting all your problems by being busy in life, or is there something wrong if I can't spend my time alone without going mad, because when I'm succeeding at things in life, everything feels good. But I don't know what to talk about that's meaningful.. atleast I used to. It feels like there's being either submerged or above this sort of feeling.

Finally, I'm stressed because loads of people want me to go do an apprenticeship, or go to university, yet I don't see the point in university, and apprenticeships in this economy want you to have a reeeaaally good reason to wanting to do them, and I don't want to think about how to present myself. I'm sick of feeling like people are judging me, event though they blatantly are. And I want another job so badly but I can't even get a bloody checkout job because people with experience come along. I just want to enjoy myself but I can't even do that because I feel like when I do that, people have no interest in me. I feel completely empty headed, yet I know I don't have to be.


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## flowersforsarah (Nov 1, 2012)

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying!  If you say exactly that to a therapist, or write them a letter & read it, that could probably help! I am seeing a psychiatrist right now twice a week & it helps me. I honestly am struggling with similar things, & do not have much advice. . But therapy is helpful! Also, I wouldn't try to figure out "what's wrong" with you. . There's nothing "wrong" per se, maybe you just need some help sorting through your thoughts. . I've been diagnosed with things but I still don't think that there is anything "wrong" with me. I'm just going to need to go about life a little differently than the "average" person. . I think that makes us awesome. 

"Rumination is NOT a source of fundamental truth or insight." - I keep reminding myself of this. I agree with you in questioning whether or not it is healthy to forget your problems by being busy. . To me it seems like we're all distracting our way through life, sort of? I read that humans are goal-striving mechanisms, and are happiest when striving toward a goal. I guess that makes sense, right? (I wish I could decide on a goal though, hah.)


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## Greenwick (Oct 12, 2012)

You could try adding to this, writing out the rest of the stuff you want to say. Do it over time so you're more likely to get all of it down. Then make an outline of it. Put stars next to the things you think are most important to work on first. You can use this while talking to the therapist or just hand it over.


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## jackbarrett (Oct 15, 2012)

Make appointment, go there and say: i suspect i might have ocd and social phobia. Then they will diagnose u. I was very shy to visit therapist too but trust me it works


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Wow, I relate to a lot of what you're saying. A lot. Therapy was difficult for me. I walked in the first time and just cried and cried, mainly because I didn't know what to say. It's hard to ask for help when you can't put into words a direct problem that's easy to classify. I didn't know what my problem was and I still don't really. I quit going. Part of me thinks nothing can help me because no matter what, I can't escape myself.


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