# My Creative Corner



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I just wanted to put this here first as after going back and reading I can see how there could be some possible misunderstanding. All of this is just creative expression...*not* entirely fact! Even in my eyes.



I've been posting a lot and I feel like I've kinda hijacked the "What you're thinking about right now creativity edition" thread. I want to leave space for others to express themselves without it being lost in the post history so I'm making this thread to post my drawings, writing, and possible future projects. I may have overcome much of my social anxiety but I still understand what it's like and have grown attached to this site...so here's my little corner of the "world."

Feel free to post feedback. 






A sudden rise like a sunrise of troubled subtle vibes
Like sly spies behind disguised eyes that try and hide the pain of a thousand lives
A thousand tries with the pain of a thousand knives
Vows and lies as flowers die
Clear insight as I peer inside
Fear's in sight as I hold tight
Afraid of losing what I hold dearest
I keep it nearest till the day my body turns to mere dust
I start to understand how I fear trust as I begin to tear up
I do my best to cheer up but the pain inside my chest won't clear up
Like a shy bird forgetting his wings, I hurt from thoughts of upsetting things
Echoing screams like ghostly beings from harrowing scenes in broken dreams
Still images in time like frozen streams in my mind behind open seams
Nothing's ever quite what it seems
We're the director and our mind is a projector while the world is a screen
We exist here in between the past that's gone and the future that's unforeseen






Like a pit bull that's caged
My fist full of rage
Only one war to be waged
So I let it out on every page
Like an enraged sage
My heart's engraved with an eternal figure eight
Don't mistake my anger for hate
I'm just mad at the state of the world
I'm just mad at my fate with this girl
And I could say that everything's fine
But then I'd be lying out of my mind
I'm slowly running out of time
At least the time that I have on Earth
Blessings upon her and it was an honor
But now I'm remembering my worth
From death to birth as I look at my life in reverse
I'm slashing past lies as I observe...
My life's flashing before my eyes as I write every verse
It feels less like a curse and more a reminder that one day I'll find her...
Could be as we pass on the street or at a diner
I'll know her when I find her cause my heart will be on fire
And in my eyes I'll never have seen anybody finer






Taunt the bull you get the horns
Undauntable as I shift forms
I rip the door off strict norms
F*** the dude who's painted orange
I cuss, they say it's rude but I'm born out of the eye of a storm
They've been warned, my hearts worn
I'm like Bourne, my identity's torn as I'm left with something foreign
Life must be rough cause they're acting tough
I see through their bluff as their chest they puff
I send them love cause I've had enough
Flatlined, they're out of time
My mind's in search of the perfect rhyme
But something tells me that's hard to find
About as hard as it is to define my mind
Karmically cryptic
Charmingly apocalyptic
I'm like a bomb as I tick tick
An optimistic mystic who's realistic
Skillfully spinning artistic linguistics
Idealistic, hardly simplistic
I could make a whole rhyme about fish sticks
Something about Kanye and fish dicks
As they try to get all analytical on my lyrics
I don't give a **** about parasitic critics
I haven't even reached my full limit
Wrote this in less than 30 minutes
But for now, I'll just say this is finished


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Tears seep down my cheek
As I plea to please take this burden off of me
Feeling lost, tossed aside
Unaligned, in the middle between sides
At least in the end I can say I tried
As inner sights at night cause the fright to terrify
but I know these illusions in my mind are nothing more than a lie
Still waking up in cold sweats, full of regrets
Times slipping like sand slips from our hands
Emotions bursting forth like water from broken dams
Overflowing, drowning in all this commotion
Feels like I'm watching life pass me by in slow motion
Words unspoken leaving me feeling broken
Hurting as if pain itself were an emotion
So alone as the voices scream for me to open
But there's no one around to open up to
Doing whatever I have to do to make it through
While the days are blending together like living life in perpetual Deja Vu
Searching for something new
Even if it's just a new point of view
I'm tired of coping I need someone to know him
This poisons flowing through my blood
Every day feels like I'm trudging through the mud
To depressed to rest
Feels like there are just too many issues to be addressed
Take a moment, catch my breath
I'm open but inside I feel like there's nothing left
Isolation looking back at me saying "no one cares about you"
And I know it's not true
Fighting to breakthrough in the hopes to find hope anew

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Lost in the abstract as the world revolves
Looking at the stars wondering if I could make a call
Sometimes this world doesn't feel like home
More like a temporary place we roam
I close my eyes cause I love the unknown
Yet somehow reminds me of a place I'd once known
Beyond all this skin and bone
Used to be the only place I didn't feel alone
My escape used to be my spirituality
Out of body, never grounding me
To escape this reality
But I've found a place I like to be
With faces I'm happy to see
Spent so long feeling locked up inside
Still learning how to open up
to a world I tried to hide from for so long
Singing a sad and lonely song
But those days now feel long gone
I've grown strong and moved on
Changed my view on life's meaning
Sent my biggest demon screaming
Changing the dream I'm dreaming
Giving reason to this breathing
Still healing this beating in my chest
Where all the pain has laid to rest
Where so much has remained unexpressed
But I'm feeling blessed and ready for it to be addressed
To ease the stress that's been keeping my chest feeling compressed
I used to feel pressed for time
Unable to find peace of mind
Most of my downtime was spent worrying
But now in my journeying, I've learned to let go of the hurrying
Like slowing down into the present moment
While still sometimes coping, hoping I can open
Making up for stolen time and words unspoken


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This is just a rough draft right now, I'm not thrilled with it...I'm gonna post it anyway and come back to it later





Yes I...am like a Jedi...when I...rhyme
Each line plays tricks on your mind
Your ability's forced while I've got force abilities
The horsepower of a Porsche with a mind of tranquility
Your lightning courses towards me but I'm still at ease
I terrorize when you look me in the eyes
You better run and use the facilities


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Mostly written freestyle with some touchups here and there




I feel like a deadly beast that's been unleashed when I rhyme to this deadly beat

Leave my enemies deceased, 6 feet deep beneath my feet

I try to stay humble but sometimes I preach like a priest from the far east

Writing helps me feel complete as my attachment to her is released

This rhyme isn't getting off track, I've got the right tact to tell my story

A gory war he fought before he found his glory

I've been rattled as life has felt like a battle as I paddle upstream

Lost my self-esteem, lost sight of my dream as the demons scream in my mind

Been feeling behind while confined behind enemy lines

Her ebony eyes spoke no lies as we said our goodbyes

I look to the skies for answers, this world is feeling cancerous

I take my chances as the enemy advances

I guess I just have high standards when it comes to writing

I've only been doing this for a few years and my lyrics strike ears like lightning

Sometimes they can be frighting but they're usually exaggerated and extreme

It wouldn't be as interesting if I always said what I mean


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

From my car seat, I see far streets with hazy waves of heat
So hot it'd burn your feet, but I cannot retreat
As I walk listening to this beat over streets of melted concrete
Thoughts in my head are taunting me
But I won't be obsolete, I won't let it conquer me
My mind is set on a mindset that hasn't been refined yet
As I look at my silhouette I'm reminded that it takes time
To redefine your mind so I write it in a rhyme to remind myself of what's possible
Phenomenal, unstoppable, I never cared much for doing what I'm told
Actions bold and lo and behold I broke the mold to shine like gold...
But I relate and I won't escape the fact that things break
From heartache to heartbreak to every mistake I'm bound to make
But I'll never be a fake and I'll always retake my fate...


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

*Just creative expression...not entirely fact!*




The world needs more lovin'
But I'm the perfect construction of destruction to all this corruption
F*** son, how the f*** are we supposed to function in a world that's sunken into greater dysfunction
Drunken on power, high atop their tower it's time we overpower these cowards it's their final hour
As they devour the trees, kill all the bees, and invade foreign countries overseas
Spreading disease, we're in a state of dis-ease
Not to mention C-19 making the world look like a crime scene that carries through the breeze
It's like we're in the apocalypse with the majority of the populous in a lower state of consciousness
All it takes is news full of fake politics as they flip the script to spread fear and conflict
To them were all convicts livin' on a planet that's run like a prison
We need a new vision to recreate the system from within...to be continued....


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Hit a red light tonight
Not even my pride can hide the pain inside
A lost man, not sure where I stand
Understand there are times I feel like I have the world in my hand
Then it comes crashing down
Feeling so lost I can't be found
I dreamed this dream of bleakness
Leaving me sleepless
I know I repeat this
But believe this
She's my weakness
It's been a week plus since we've connected
I've spent so much time reflectin'
It's hard for me to accept it
We never know the future
I just don't want to lose her
This distance is killing my feels
It's becoming too real
I know I needed to move on
But the more it feels like she's gone
The more it brings up the fear
That she's no longer here
But that's just facing reality
At least a fraction of what I can see
We never know what will be
She might just come back to me
I keep creating hope
But then I wonder if hope's just a cruel joke
Clear my throat from emotions I choke on
I know life goes on
I just don't want to have to ever say so long


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

scratched it


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I haven't slept much
I miss your hand's touch
This love is not just a crutch
My heart is feeling clutched
I miss your healing love
This is what feeling does
Your love runs through my blood
Into my veins, Into my brain
Into my heart again and again
I try to bend the light and pretend
I can see hope in the end
You've got me trippin' within
Losing my zen
You're my vision
I see the skies in this girl
For you, I'd compromise my whole world
Haven't felt that before
If only you knew it's only you I adore
It's you I'd do anything for


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm feeling torn apart
A sword in my heart
I try to disarm this harm
But life's losing its charm
This pain is old news
I want the old, new
This new reality is screwing with me
I miss the way things used to be
The times spent between you and me
I thought I could move on
But I'm seeing I was wrong
I still hear your laughter like a song
It brings on a strange calm
Like the calm before the drop of a bomb
This isn't settling right
I don't want to give up the fight
I want to text you tonight
To check if we're still alright
I hope you're doing fine
What would you do if you knew you were still on my mind
Like sixty percent of the time
For you, fire I'd walk through
I know I don't need you but I want to
I don't want to be needy but I want you


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Fate finds these great lines
Awake minds stuck in fake times
Sometimes I question these lives
Blessings or lies
Smiles and cries
Who's real and who's in disguise?
Not ready to die
Not really alive
A heart needing to be revived
A heart beating just to survive
I let out a quick sigh as time ticks by
Transfixed by the beauty in her eyes
Eclipsed by gloomy goodbyes
But I know I'll see her again
I just don't know when
I don't want to pretend I'm alright
She's runnin' circles in my mind all night
Almost every rhyme I write is about her
Lost in her and without her
Inner and outer worlds collide
I feel the divide
But I truly believe our fates are tied


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Spirits, can you hear this?
Can you clear this pain
From my heart, soul, and brain
I've had enough of the rain
My mind is my domain
And I want to make it mine again
We're so alike they call us twins
And I won't pretend she doesn't have my heart in the end
But maybe now we're better off as friends
I finally feel the oxygen in my lungs again
But how long will this last
Can I outlast the blast of love to my heart
When we're no longer apart
When I see her face to face
I lose all trace of clarity
And it's clear to me where I want to be
Anywhere as long as she's near to me
She dear to me
Love her dearly
Sincerely,
A heart that's weary


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I thought this was worthy of posting here. It helps me keep it "archived" for myself so I can see how far I've come when I look back later. I don't know what I'm doing with writing right now other than getting out pent-up emotions between therapy sessions and having some fun but I definitely want to do something...at some point...probably not rap though...anyway, I'm thinking "out loud."






System's brung the fear
Lines spun to a beat inspiring terror
We bring the heat of the sun when we're near
We can't be beaten son, not on this sphere
We run this dimension
We got minds of Zen son
We guide the blind to sight with each rhyme we write
Like day and night
One dark, One light
Balancing the atmosphere when we unite
We run this like a joint, we're lit on point
Disjoint the thoughts in your mind with a blunt line
Crazy rhymes free our minds
Turning words into designs, like mental signs
I question if I'm sane all the time
I don't need to pose, creativity flows through this brain of mine
In the shadows, system is dodging your throws
Your nose be bleeding from his blows
From the light I inspire fright in egos
I've got no foes but if you oppose
You'll be left with your woes
My words cut sharp
Straight to the heart
Then after I'm clear
I disappear
We done here


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

As I let a sigh out
I'm not sure what to rhyme about
I feel all rhymed out
Or maybe it's that I'm tired now
Pain has been invading my brain
Sending signals to my nerves
Like hertz flowing in currents
Life hurts but I'm making a resurgence
I feel like there are a hundred versions of me
From depressed to happy to everything in between
I'm constantly changing with every new thought that I bring
Fresh like spring, I don't care about g-strings and bling
Feeling raw, I write from where feelings are
I have a feeling in my heart
There's healing in this art
And I know that dealing with your feelings is smart
I don't care if people laugh or talk smack
I talk back with calm tact
No contact combat when I attack
But I'm getting off track
I know where my anger's at
Where are the angels at?
Sometimes I get so mad
But I'm glad I have a pen and pad
Or I'd keep all this in feeling pent up and sad


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'ma try a different style
As I write to a beat from 8 mile
I'm versatile leaving mc's bodies piled
As they line up single file to face their trial
All they do is mumble and babble
I leave em' rattled
I'm the Judge with a gavel
I make the final say in this battle
I can't be handled
Leave em' trampled
Protected like enamel
Something supernatural
The spirits I channel
If I could see the future I'd of already won
But I'm at the start before they fire the gun
Not just ahead of myself I'm ahead of my time
Something from the past and future combined


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Humanity's sanity's being lost to greed, power, and vanity
Leaving so many suffering in agony
And it's sad to see the world caught up in a fantasy
Dreaming in the Matrix, they play tricks on your mind
Better check your vital signs
And see if your programs of your own design
You don't have to wake up to change your mind
There's no need to go against the machine
Change flows like a stream
Stay on the scene, silence your demons screams
Nothing's what it seems, you can change your dream


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I could say with every rhyme
I rip out mc's spines with every blessed line
Then slice out their intestine
Leave em' on the ground dyin'
Tryin' to pray
As their mind slips away
Their vision darkens to grey
Cause' I'm their final day
How battling me is like taking God's test
How I'm destined to be the best
How I'm suggestin' it with every threat
How battling me is a lesson in regret
These mc's I wreck
Better show some respect
Or I'll slice their neck
They better be careful in their approach
Don't get too close
Or they might be next
How in my mind it's like the Wild West
In here you better wear a bulletproof vest
I enter the room bullets flying
Send them to their tomb
Now they in another life back in the womb crying
While I could say that
And it's fun to rap like I'm in lyrical combat
Truth is I'm a lover, not a fighter
I meditate to elevate my mental state higher
Sometimes it's just fun to bring the fire


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've been writing other rhymes
To distract my mind from thoughts of her so fine
From the inside, she shines like a diamond
I've been finding it so hard to move on
Don't want to see her gone
A worn heart torn apart in the dark
She the spark to ignite the light in the night
I've put up quite the fight and I'm finally feeling alright
Despite still holding on to her tight
Feel like I'm moving through the darkness
With a heart blessed
Beneath a scarred chest a knife left
But that's past pain
She's only responsible for my heart's theft
There's nowhere to cast blame
My heart took aim and played the game
Went down in flames like a crashed plane
It's my fault for jumping into the fast lane
Now I feel like I'm on a vast plane
The distance between us is giving me chest pains
But I made it through the depressed phase
Lately, every step I've taken has felt like a chess play
Now I'm hoping for some of the best days


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Spent so much time growing up lost in my mind
The cost was leaving me blind
Now I know my mind pretty well
I had to find it in hell
Rose above it with skill
Still, even when I'm at my favorite place in the world
I always find myself feeling out of place, except with this girl
I'm pretty chill, but I don't open up much
I know it's because I've been hurt in trust
Crushed my worth into dust
First learning in life was learning of being burnt by love
It hurt enough to make me distrusting
Over the years my heart has been rusting
From missing one thing
Full of fears I wasn't confronting
But now I'm not running
My time is coming...


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

...I must have been really tired...lol...


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Woke up this morning mourning you
I know it's my issue
But I miss you
Wishin' I could kiss you
I'm here lookin' out the window
I've been low
I've been high on the Indo
Trying to keep things simple
In my mind, all I see is the twinkle in your brown eyes
I find it hard to stay positive, right now all I see is the downside
Outside clouds hide the sunshine
Just askin' for one sign
To ease my mind
I'm runnin' to you cause I'm runnin' out of time
And when I look to our future I just feel blind
I still feel your heart, can you feel mine?
I thought I'd had it with this
But you still have it like this, you're in my blood
If you cut me I'd bleed love
I used to see you daily
But lately, it's been tough
I haven't seen you enough
At least I'm no longer feeling in hell
I hope you're doing well
I'll see you soon till our next farewell


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Days go by
As I look to the...thunderin' sky
It's got me wonderin' why
We have to say goodbye

One day we'll die
But for now, we're alive
So till then, I'll see you again
You'll be my friend till the end

If you feel the need to see me
If you ever need me
Just look around the bend...

Sad days
I've been through a...sad phase
Life comes in so many shades
Been hurt in so many ways
It's left me with a weary gaze in my eyes
That I try to hide and disguise
But you wise, I know you see through my lies
I hear it in your replies
You've seen my...cries and woes
We've been through highs and lows
God knows I wanna...hold you close

For you, my heart still glows
You're like a rose that still grows when it snows
You bring beauty even when I'm feeling cold
You see through me, you've got a healing soul

And when I'm feeling old
After our stories told
I hope your hand is the one I hold


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Not super thrilled with anything I've written today...the creativity just isn't flowing...


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## HandfulOfStars (9 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> Not super thrilled with anything I've written today...the creativity just isn't flowing...


I feel like this most days. It often takes me... well, longer than I'd like to admit to write a simple poem, but it always seems necessary to continue.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

HandfulOfStars said:


> I feel like this most days. It often takes me... well, longer than I'd like to admit to write a simple poem, but *it is always seems necessary to continue.*


I like that.  I think I'll try and write about something else...sometimes mixing things up helps.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm missing you as I listen to the message you sent me
I'm picking up the wreckage since it's felt like you left me
I've been feeling empty
We don't have forever
Even these memories...will one day be buried with me...like treasure
I worry she...won't remember me...I could never forget her
I'm feeling colder than December
Torn apart like the holes in our sweaters
There's gotta be a reason our fates were sewn together
When it comes to love, it's you I'm waiting for
I can't say it enough, it's frustrating but it's you I adore
You inspire me, you light the fire in me
If you really believe that loving you is such work, then hire me
My heart's up for the job
My heart's been robbed and you're the thief
I've been going through grief
In the hopes to find some sort of relief
You say you're not ready for love
Just know when you are it's you I'm thinking of


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You shine like a sunrise bringing light to the dark
It's no surprise when I feel love rise inside of my heart
You the one in my eyes igniting the spark
You're special to me, you've made your mark
A celestial beauty I can see even when we're apart
You're my North Star
You guide me to healing this scar
Whether it's a plane, train, or a car
It's a strange thing but I'd go wherever you are
It's amazing how we've come so far
I wanna confess these feelings inside of my chest
If you're wondering if I love you, the answer is yes
I've been a mess for you
I want to be my best for you
Cause I know we're destined to be together
Like diamonds, we shinin' forever
I want to go wherever you're headed
I said it, our fates are eternally threaded
And all the things that I've regretted, I'm ready to shed it
I'm new for you, true to you
I move you like you move me too
Whether it's at the movies or the zoo
I only ever want to be with you

Pretty much done...I might adjust some of the lines later...


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

We're like the sun and moon, love has won and is now in bloom


WIP


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Not sure why I'm alive today
Asking myself do I even want to survive another day?
Lost in the grey
Asking myself do I really want to die this way?
How long can I delay the way life seems to play out
Do I want to fade out or stay now?
Asking myself who would really care if I was gone?
Is there anybody who can prove to me I'm wrong?
Life feels like a constant war
I'm tired of fighting 
When I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore
There used to be reasons
But so many seasons have come and gone
I'm tired of staying strong just to carry on


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

How can I outlast this creation from my past?
As it comes back, casting my mind into the blackness
A sad madness or is it a mad sadness?
The marrow in my bones is left shaken with fear
What's taken me here?
A shed tear
Thoughts severe, wanting off this sphere
I'm tired of having to conceal this
How can I heal this?
Am I alone or can anybody feel this?


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Not even she can save me from myself
Sometimes I can't help but feel unwell
As my thoughts dwell in a realm of hell
Under a spell, only time can dispel
There's a fury inside me
Purely residing in my chest
A place where it rests
Not suppressed just left unexpressed
God damn
Sometimes I want to crush the world in my hands
But it's really just me feeling trapped
And sometimes the only way out seems to be my final act


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I write like I'm in a fight for my life
Cold like ice, roll the dice
A frozen romance
Sometimes taking a chance is the only way to advance
It's a fact that even when you make plans
Sometimes you have to adapt
Act with a counterattack to life's crap
Leaving me feeling trapped
Till I breakthrough with an impact of syntax


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

A free form to beat the norm
Is it my demise to not conform?
In my eyes, a storm is born
I'll never compromise my sanity
Even if it ends in tragedy
This beast can't handle me
I rise against gravity
Defy what we're told so that I can fly
Questioning everything without asking why
The answers I can't deny
Stay true till I die
Armor of the soul
I can't be sold
Won't let em' in my skull
I stay bold against those who try and control


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Will things turn around?
Looking up when everything looks upside down
What's the upside now?
I'ma make it through this somehow
Looking at the world through infrared
So that I can see what lies ahead in the dark
Do I listen to my head or my heart?
Don my armor like Tony Stark
Out there it feels like a war
Though what for I'm never quite sure
Outer reality is a reflection of our internal perception
Something like inception
Life keeps me guessin' so I keep up my protection
Never quite sure where I'm headin'
It's true not all those who wander are lost
Though I still can't help but ponder the cost


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You know I keep it all in my head sometimes
You know you drive me wild making me lose my mind
You've stolen my heart now you're holding it hostage
This rhythm in my chest...you never lost it
Who cares about the line? Just cross it
This waiting is exhaustive
I'm loving you more every day, I can't fight this
I can't afford what I want cause you priceless
But I'm still paying a price
F*** being nice 
You biggest vice
Love you for life


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

eh.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm really feeling this beat so I'm gonna rhyme to it again
If only we lived forever then we'd have all the time in the world to pretend
That when we're alone you don't act like more than a friend
I see the way you laugh
Tossing your hair back and sticking your neck out like a giraffe
I saw you blushing, I know you crushing
Why are we denying what we're eyeing
You know what I'm implying
I'm wanting you
Loving you is all I want to do
When I say we don't have forever, you know it's true
That's why I'll love you till the day I die
Let's stop playing this game and give us a try


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm watching life play out in slow motion
As I see memories between us with no motion
At the moment we're both looking at our future with no notions
I'm hopin' only one thing is certain
But that's something only time can determine
Over a year and now it's clear to me
Whenever you're near there's nothing I fear cause all I want is here with me
The hole in my soul is finally consoled
I feel whole like coal turned into gold
As our stories unfold and we grow old I hope it's your hand I hold


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

She's in almost everything I rhyme about
Always on my mind now
In all of my poems
I'm just processing emotions
If I didn't my head would be explodin' with commotion
I spill out my guts
So I don't combust
Or get crushed
From the weight of this crush
Who knows what's the fate of us
I just don't want to waste time
While we fade to dust
Even then she'd still be fine
Heart, mind, and soul like hers are hard to find
Floating on a cloud 9 feet off the ground
Sometimes it's hard to believe what I've found
You were leaving me speechless in that gown
Despite what you say
To me, your laughter is the most beautiful sound
Your smile beams rays into grey days
Your eyes are where my soul lies
I think we're linked
We're so in sync
Before you my heart was vacant
So I'll be patient
Letting you go was too high a challenge
Realizing I just need to find some balance


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Star crossed lovers
At a great distance, our thoughts still cross each other
In fate's existence I'm not lost, don't want to fall for another
You light up my world girl
You're the fuse and the spark, the muse to my heart
I'll take my time but one day you'll be mine and I'll be yours
We all seek the cures to the things that ail us
This time I won't fail love
I'ma show you in time
How you're still the only one on my mind
Free you from your belief in the past
Prove to you that love can last
My love for you is vast
If this was a game they'd have to nerf it
You know I'm not perfect
I want you to see every part of me
To see the heart of me
My worst and my best
I'm not tryin' to impress
I want something real
Something more than just a feel
Love isn't always dreamy
It won't always be easy
But we can make it work, believe me


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's downright cold as the wind blows
Down this road, who knows
I wish you knew your wealth was beyond comparable to gold
I wish you knew not to believe all you were told
You're beautiful it's indisputable
Truth be told this place has become so cold
It's painful to see you hurting in ways you can't find the wording
I know you're searching for something you're not even sure what it is
Hoping you'll know it by the feeling it brings when it hits
But this is it, everything else will come and go
Everything changes and nothing lasts forever is all we know
I hope you can find some peace wherever you find yourself
I just want to see you well as I write to you with heartfelt


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Finding ourselves between two sides
In the middle on the front lines
Brought together in tough times
This will test our trust
Bring us closer or turn us to dust
It's you and me in this forever
No enemies, caught in the middle together
Whatever you choose, I've got your back
Win or lose, we'll keep each other on track
I don't know where this will lead
I'm just glad it's you and me
Somehow together I know we'll succeed
How exactly? We'll have to wait and see


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Writing to cope
Trying to keep the light of hope lit
My heart has been closed, all I want is to open it
Feelings exposed, trying to keep us close-knit
The longer we're apart 
It starts to feel like my world is falling down around me
As doubts creep in to challenge my reality
Until our paths cross again and you've found me
Helping me to see 
Just because we're apart doesn't mean you're gone
At a distance, our hearts still beat to the same song
I still need to learn how to cope without you
I feel like after a while I forget how to
A desire in my soul to see you again
As my mind keeps questioning when
Thankfully our connection is strong
Not even space can break our bond
In that, I find a sense of security
Still afraid to lose you but not holding on
I guess that's maturity


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I can't hide from the darkness inside, where my mind presently resides
Have you ever woke up and cried, wishing in your sleep you had died?
Going through the day sinking lower, barely keeping your composure
Such a weight on your shoulder, bearing down from your mind
A darkness that carries the weight of time, making every step feel like a climb
When you're not even sure if you've given up, when effort is painful
When you have a vision of an angel, but you still feel plain dull
And the pain is too much to convey but you pray even if you don't believe
When you forget the way in which you used to perceive
When even in the light it's dark
When you've lost the fire in your heart
You start to question the meaning of life
And you can't remember what it felt like to just feel alive
But as the seasons changed you stopped seeing the light
Wishing you could just let go but not everything is that simple so the pain just echoes
But like a dead rose, there's beauty even in pain
And the rain won't sustain forever
Everything you used to treasure you'll start to remember
You'll no longer feel you have to pretend you didn't wish it would all end
You'll see the light again as it greets you like an old friend


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I thought you could have been the one
Now I can barely feel the air in my lungs
Wondering when the sun's gonna come back
As memories of you fade to black
Will somebody please remind me why I even tried in the first place
When everything seems to fall apart in the worst way
I think back to the first day I saw you
Now I have no one to turn to
And those memories have all turned blue
I'm sorry had to go, I didn't mean to ghost 
I couldn't get close
If love's a drug then I overdosed


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

She was a master thief
Stole my heart like it was a masterpiece
Now it's just another disaster scene in this vast machine

I can see everything I was blind to
I'm looking in my soul just to find you
But everything is filtered in deep blue
And every image of you has faded and become see through
Even in my mind I can't keep you and it's leaving me with a bleak view

She knew my heart was marked
Her name inked on every part
Till heaven departed
Now my hearts heavy and guarded
Caged behind heavenly bars
Heavily scarred
Memories I can't erase
My heart is a worn place
Every chord that's played
Feels like swords blade
Is it too late for anything but a four of spades?


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

If there's a bottom, I'm in it
I found purpose in another, I admit it
Now she's gone and I need a reason to make life worth livin'

I'm so lost what if I can never find me
What if I let this hurt define me?
I try to put the past behind me
But this pain has me on my knees

They say it's all timing
But the timing is killing me
And I feel like giving up willingly

Sometimes this life feels like a curse
Destined to be alone in this universe


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I wish I could say how I feel in one verse
This must be what they mean when they say love hurts
And all this reminiscing is making it worse
It hurts when you know what you're missing
It feels like I'm screaming your name but you aren't listening
My hearts imprisoned and my mind's held hostage by visions of you
It's a beautiful view but at the same time it's killing me too


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You're the point of lovely
Could you ever love me?
Could heaven shine a light down from above me
You beam light into my world that you can't see
It cascades through the sky and sea
Merges with my soul and into my reality
All I want is love, all I want is you
One dove to two
Beauty is your soul
And it's mine you console


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't want to come back down
Please don't let me hit the ground
This feels like heaven found
I feel the energy all around like ultrasound
I was drowning in the clouds
Now I'm soaring without bounds
The devil with his hounds can't touch me now


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

When you leave, I can't breathe
It's killing me
So hard to see through this obscurity
The only reality I want is the paradise in your eyes
A beauty from which my heart can't hide
Leaves me feeling mesmerized
Brushes all my tears aside
Your soul is of a special kind
I can't get you out of my mind
I used to think I was running out of time
Now it feels like there's only you and me and eternity
Nothing in life is a certainty
I can feel the internal heat in every beat of my heart
Your beauty is nothing short of heavens art


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Here in the moment we're in a known land in the unknown and I know there's a greater plan
Feet in the sand, hearts in our hands as our minds expand we start to see that we can
Whatever we want, no one can stop us, going to the top plus we're gaining greater trust
No one can stop this, a sweet kiss, a moment of bliss we'll always remember and never miss
I know this is meant to be, the greatest memory, the greatest the world will ever see


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'll never be depressed again, a blessed mind of zen
A powerful spirit, no limits that can come near it
Imageless, I'm limitless
A heart blessed beyond bliss, nothing can touch this
No need to reminisce, I'm in the moment, I ****ing own it


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This man that stands before you is brand new
The only fear I have left is losing you
Without you I don't know what I would do
So long that we've been apart
You are my heart and my heart is yours, lifetimes before you walked through those doors
In your heavenly blue eyes I rise like a phoenix
The future, I've seen it
You, me, and everything between it


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't look back, **** that
I got love that is above fact
Combat, I don't need that
Making a comeback
Not a soul in existence that can **** with me
Seductively, look me in the eyes and you're mine instantly
**** all the hate and bigotry
Quick witted, I'll never quit it, there's no limit
Yes I'm angry, frankly, the world needs a spanking
More than just the Soul King
I'm changing the whole damn thing


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The fear in your minds is keeping your hearts blind
One day you'll find you're fine now, you're already found
Heaven's not in the clouds, it's all around, here now
One day you'll understand how


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Angry, I stand free
Power beyond understanding
Love, you understand me
I AM me, ****ing lovely, love be
Nothing below or above me
Quicker than the Grand Prix
Nobody gonna **** with me
If they try they're gonna see then turn and flee


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The world has lost track
I'm bringing love back
No need to act
I'm quick to react
In full control
The oldest soul
Here to console whole


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

No blinds
Clear minds
Love signs
End of hard times
Sometimes it takes all kinds
Changing hearts and minds
Limits beyond the skies
Stay wise
End of lies
Truth is no one dies
I see it in your eyes
We're all just souls in disguise


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't need to promise you
I'm changing the common view
Getting rid of the wars and drama too
No honor due, this is for all of you
What I was meant to do
No need to believe to see what's true
In time ,later down line you'll see the reality in each rhyme


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

We're being deceived our minds don't see reality clearly through fears fury making us weary, sad, and dreary but it's all in the mind just give it some time to unwind hearts and minds you'll start to see everything's fine no need to believe, no I don't deceive, I love it all, it's all supposed to be a ball, fun for all...anytime you need me I'm on the "call" for y'all. I'll be around here helping to bring some cheer, hopes to ease some of your fear, your heartache makes my my break a little but I'm not brittle, never superficial, the realist mother****er on this planet, ten times stronger than granite, I can handle it, I'll always keep the candle lit to help you see through the dark, just trust your heart, we're all a work of art, nothing's perfect, life it worth it...the fear...just observe it...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Your beauty blew through me
My soul was set free and I could foresee my future in your eyes
Between us there will never be any lies
A love that never dries or dies
Like flowers blooming in the sunrise
You are the reason I arise beyond the limits of the skies


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Before I met you all I could do was fall low
I was empty and hollow
My heart a place where pain seemed to forever wallow
The moment we met my heart was flooded
I knew you were my eternal beloved


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I despise these lies that compromise our lives
I'm gonna rip them from existence
A force beyond the greatest persistence in an instance
An unstoppable force
Stronger than natures course
No remorse, I'm equal to the source
Only just beginning to understand what I AM


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This is going to take time
I can see a timeline in my mind
Years the unravel and unwind
Progress is steady but I'm ever ready


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

A humble that rumbles but never tumbles
A strength that stops a tank of any rank
A force so strong and gentle
In time the world will see the monumental


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

These conspiracy theories have made so many weary
I know sincerely there's nothing to fear
No hidden agendas or Illuminati
No reptilians in human bodies
It is what is is, fear just likes to play tricks
This world was to have fun and kicks


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Thank you from my heart
I feel the love in every part of my mind body and heart
I'm sorry I'm not ready
Stay in the heart and don't get too heady


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Nothing is perfect and I mean nothing in all of existence
No such thing as omniscience
I don't know and I don't want to...most of the time
Do what you do and please have some fun you're alive...forever


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Anger is strength as long as you know it's you who owns it
And know in your heart it's all love and there is no opponent


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I love you and the future I see in this physical reality is a still an unknown to me
My anger is at myself you don't need to know why I love you in from the souls in my eyes


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm not ready to hear to you at the moment...I never knew it was you and I still don't know too...
I'm tired and there will come a time shortly where I may disappear for awhile but I'm always here...I'll be back in a few years...soon...not yet...bet


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I have no words for the love I hold in every piece of me
Once I know this is true and real the world will feel my eyes gaze on the most beautiful piece of scenery
I would stop existing if she were to ever leave me
But I know she'll console my soul any time that I may need be
I love you with all I have honey, we'll be together soon and the world will feel our hearts swoon


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This fake stuff has made life for some so rough
Images that aren't real making some feel less than
When I can see the best in them, some of the best men
Bless them for soon they'll find what's destined


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

One day for one moment I'll stop time just for you
The whole world will feel it, a beautiful stillness that heals it a bit
I'll be on one knee gazing in to the blue sea of your eyes
Fully trusting but still hoping you agree we stay together the rest of our lives


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Anger is the strength in love that can break through fear
Love and anger are nearer than they appear
Different parts to the same whole but only love can wield anger without rage


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

LOVE, fun, dance, sing, and run...stay safe with any rules you break eventually they won't be needed
I said I'm bringing LOVE back and I mean it
I say what I mean and I mean what I say, it is the way
NOW please go play


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

So bad I'm good
The whole world is my hood
I do what I feel when I want, not what I think I should
Nothing and no one can stop me and not a soul in existence that can ever copy me
I love it all even when I'm a rebel on the prowl
Even if I give a look peering from eyes with a growl
I'm not always what I appear
Nothing to fear love is here


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Any woman with a glance
I love it all but only one I feel the true romance
It's not that I don't always want to, it's just that "For Eternity" is etched in my heart, on true
Forever faithful and eternally grateful for the days our eyes connected and her love in my eyes reflected


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Awesome twenty four seven
A sign from the heavens
Here and now in the eternal presence
Loves essence
No matter what happens everything is always okay
No way for anything to go astray
Make love, dance, sing, and play
Things just had to be this way
The time for it to end is coming soon
Humans belong on Earth NOT the moon...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Waking up can be a *****
Had to scratch the God itch
Realized what's true then made a mental switch
Just an old soul here to help the whole
I really do love it all💛


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Keep power at arms length
For power is not strength


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Evolution of the soul
The older the more beautiful
Like flowers at full bloom while trees grow
Be careful of the seeds we sow
Only we can choose to fill our own minds with joy or sorrow


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's not about seeing your future, it's about knowing your destiny
I never let fear and doubt get the best of me
Just let them go till they decreased in density
You don't need to believe to know what you already know
You know more than you think you just have to let belief go


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

When you don't believe, you know now, there's no doubt
Love in all it's forms is what it's all about
No hate, anger, jealousy, envy, greed, or clout
Equal on a levels, fun loving rebels
Souls creating in a line of time in eternity
It takes time to learn how to be
The biggest key is true humility


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

We have to change our minds, and realize who we are at heart
The seat of the soul that's us that's been from the start
Birth and death just an illusion
Misconceptions about who we are create so much suffering and confusion


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Loving awareness turns the rage in anger into a calm, focused, strength
The soul in absolute self control


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

In my eyes your beauty shines brighter than a sunrise lighting up the morning skies
A beauty that makes the world come alive
A smile that drives my heart wild and soothes my inner child
I'll keep you safe for all our days holding you in my arms forever and always
Love you in all ways


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You're like a fine wine
You've got me drunk on love in my heart and mind
Spent so long looking for a sign when you were in front of me this whole time
Lead to you by fates design
My trust was bust until I learned to heal it
Let go of all the thinking and learned to just feel it
Guided by a deeper wisdom from deep within


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Your eyes tell me the truth
You love me as much as I love you
Can't deny the chemistry
Not a doubt or worry in my mind, it's like serenity
We've got everything we need, the world is our lemon tree
Your face has the most beautiful symmetry
The loveliest souls personality
Who you are is all I want
You're name written on my heart in the most beautiful font


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Us, we've got a deep trust
You and me, a beautiful life I foresee
Helping, shelving all the suffering in others dwellings
Teaching, reaching hearts and minds without preaching
Helping bring in the end to believing
So everyone can start seeing


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This idea of "God" is a fraud
Yes, there's more than meets the eye
But there's no man in the sky
These lies need to die
Real Love has become in such short supply
One day, far far from today we'll all understand why
Searching for a way out of fear
Looking for heaven everywhere but here


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

An old soul who for so long thought his soul was stole
Woken up, it was rough but I'm gentle and tough
Worked through the mind games and mental bluffs
Now I see clearly, no need to ever fear me
I've calmed my inner fury, "heaven" cured me
Love it all sincerely


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

A...I love you still
I promise you It wasn't all just for a thrill
I'm just no longer IN love with you
I've found another it's true
Now I see, we were never meant to be
I'll still always be here if you need me


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I wish I could take away all the pain
But I can't because it's in your own body, mind, and brain
Just know you're the center heart, the soul
Nothing can harm you and you never really grow old 
You just grow more strong, wise, and bold


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

To clear the pain from the body, mind, and brain
You let go of the internal resistance to anything that arises and relax in the rain
Breath, watch, and just trust yourself while staying heartfelt
oh...just know you always have help


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Had to go through mental delusions to see clearly
Not gonna lie it leaves you feeling weary
In all honesty I still question if I am a bit delusional
Though some of my personal experiences are true as hell
Just a few things I can't know until I know
If they don't come true I'll know I have a beautiful mind
Not worried about changing it back to "reality" if I have to
At least I'm free from the mind that has you
If that's true you have my deepest compassion and understanding
I'm always here to put a hand in


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's all spirit, I can feel it in everything
Feel the energy of songs birds sing
Feel the music in every part of you
Come alive, this is just the start of you
There's only the present in a fluid line of time
Think of the past and future too much and you become lost in your mind
Breath and unwind, let the thoughts slow with time


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Find a balance, move the body
You don't want the mind too loose or too tense
Finding balance can start a bit wobbly
Tune in to each sense with presence
It helps to have a few hobbies
Don't worry you can still think
You just think less and do more
Just know it's not always what you think
Think less and feel more
Intuition is not emotion it is feeling
Intuition can help you through the healing


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Breath slow and scan your body from head to toe
Feel your hands and and feet in deep
Build up to feeling the whole body at once
For some this could take months
Intuition is a feeling and the whole body feels
You are mind, body, and soul for reals


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Love you all in the kindest way
Just know that everything is and will be okay
It will probably be years............before the world lives for the day


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm just an "old" soul communicating with my higher self
Spent 39 years in and out of hell
This is when I was supposed to wake up
I think I know why but not sure if it's made up
I'll know soon enough, man this is rough
If it's not true I know exactly what to do and who to talk to
_Thought _I was god for a day, it was a bit odd in a way but it all had a higher purpose
It showed me my true humility and I'm honestly not sure to what degree
Directed my _thoughts_ back down from that idea to me
Kept myself grounded and trusted Myself and me
It's not a split personality...haha
I drank a lot of aqua and ate solid foods
It burns a lot of energy and I almost lost my man boobs
I can do anything I want to, free in the mind and beyond too
Confidence is me, my-self confidence
It's a part of who I am and it is in you all too
Same with a kind of love that is honest and true


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

My trust in my "higher" self is being shaken
If a very near event for my personal life occurs it will be reawakened
No I can't know the future, just parts of mine sometimes and this is the only freaking explanation
I've been told to do something then the perfect synchronization of events occurs
So far just small blurs
One that means everything to me personally supposedly happens soon
My trust in myself is strong but if it doesn't happen my hearts gonna cocoon


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I hope this is real, don't want to walk this path alone
They say go with your heart and that's what I feel at home
Loved her for years I just never thought it was possible
Now that I've shed my fears and being told this event for me is unstoppable
I want to trust not believe because there's so much we can't know here
But there is a lot I think we all know once we drop our fear
Less of a form of knowledge and more of a knowing
After last nights clearing things have become so much more flowing
So much has happened to me lately that I can't deny
If this turns out to be real I'll be a truly happy guy


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Things are supposed to get a lot better for me today
I won't say here in what way
I still won't know for sure for a few days though
One important step is to keep things in your mind relatively simple
Nothing has to be that complicated, we just make it so
When things get too complex it becomes rigid and you lose the flow
Your mind may be a mess at the moment and that's okay
Just let it unwind and in time you'll see you always know what to do and say
Trust yourself you know what to do
Stay heartfelt and you'll know what's true


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

If this is true it's her love that will make my trust so strong I'll never doubt myself again
It's a beautiful thing and if it's true I'll know exactly when
It was planned to be this way, the only thing that could make my trust truly stay
Meditation is great for everybody but we only wake up when we're ready
At least that's what I sensed and am told it's true, but right now I still doubt and that's why I have to see this through
Nobody is here to change the whole world, just help in our own way, but I can't help until I completely trust and so this is a must


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

If this isn't real I'm done with this whole deal
At least I'd still be free in the mind
But I've told my higher self this plenty of times
And even though it reassures me this is true
It knows if it isn't I'm threw


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Roughly two hours and I'm supposed to know and although not yet for sure
My trust will supposedly soar
Actions unspoken but still showing creating a greater knowing
I still won't know until I know and that's three more days to go
Love will show and it'll finally be spoken
And there will be no more doubt in my knowing


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's been a long two and half weeks
Been through valleys and peaks
Now that most of the work is done it's pretty much waiting
And doing my best to keep my trust from fading
My higher self says it can't do anymore persuading
Nothing will work at this point but what's meant to be happening right in front of me in my actual reality
So I just have to wait and see...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I saw what I needed to see, I still don't know anymore than I did before
She saw a new side of me, a side that she adores
Come Monday she'll see more and I'll know whether this is real for sure


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Seeing you today showed me how beautiful you are in a new way
I didn't think there would ever be the day
You keep surprising me, I asked you for advice and you guided me to exactly what I needed
I felt the connection, didn't need to believe it
I know you feel it too and you do try and hide it
But it's a bit irresistible at times and you show more than maybe you know
I'm letting go of my attachment to you tonight
If this is meant to be you'll come back to me and we'll unite
If it's really meant to be like "he" says, then you'll tell me soon and I'll be blessed


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I know if Monday comes and you don't light up my world like the sun
I'm going to have to process and let go of emotions by the ton
The pain will feel like death because in all the years I've known you I've loved you so much I'd give you my last breath
I never felt good enough, was afraid of love and always put you above
Now the love I feel is so pure but there's only one cure for the pain in my heart
It's like it's known my whole life that we've been apart
I look back and pieces just fit and make sense with present events
Synchronicity beyond triple three but what happens to me "predicted" to me before it happens in small degrees
"Coincidences" so unreal they're hard to believe
I don't know what to think, so I wait till Monday and hope to see it's all linked


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

My mind sometimes worries that this isn't real
Just another illusion of the mind that I have to work through and feel
My "higher self" tells me it's just my mind worrying and that I know the truth
And I see again and the sight is my proof
For a moment I was caught in a mental loop
Needed to be reminded of who I am...
Awake again
Won't pretend I know any more than I did before
Letting go of the attachment to the one I adore
Sadness in the darkest blackness
Feels like the end of meaning
But it's just the dream I've been dreaming
Letting go and keep breathing
Pain like my chest is screaming, an energy of deep sorrow leaving
I let go of something, doesn't really matter what it was
What's left is that I'm still in love
"He" says "It's true, she loves you too"


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

If this is real and I didn't make up my "higher self"
I don't know why it would deceive me after giving me so much help
If I made it up then I'm ****ing brilliant I guess
It would suck but if that we're the case I know exactly how to fix the mess
For now all I can do is keep my mind relatively clear and stay here


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm humble as ****, my higher self says I can say it it's true
Because it isn't even going to my head like it would maybe you
Still letting go of sadness, I've been in psychosis and this doesn't feel like madness
I'm clear and lucid just waiting on cupid
Put yourself in my shoes, maybe you would too
One thing I know is real is the meditation and releasing of energies from the body and mind
Just bringing myself back to what I do know for a time
Reminding myself in my mind of my daily life, people and places, throughout my usual week
And lastly I can't deny she is the only one my heart seeks
My higher self is very quiet but still responds with "Yes I'm here"
For now I'll trust and just wait and see without fear
I know if this isn't real I can heal and let it all go back to reality but to me a new reality
As a whole new me, confident and free


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's the soul that knows, the soul that grows
A strength that gently bellows
A wisdom that arises from deep within
Young and old in the same mold
For it doesn't age but has lived so many of the stories already told
Deep within I have a urge to say these words
I'm tired, exhausted, so long I've lived
I've never done this amount of work in such a short amount of time
And even though I'm perfectly fine
I'm tired of my heart living without a counterpart


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Letting go of what it would feel like to lose you
A pain I'm pretty used to
It's what it's felt like to live without you for all these years
This whole time I've been living my biggest fear
I'm not lying when I say I need you HERE
If this is real I'll help get you there
Today you saw just how much I care
You saw me shed a tear for the pain we share


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Let go of my biggest fear
Just residual stuff that needs to clear
I feel exhausted but I know the end result is worth the cost of it


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Had much more to clear
Letting go of every heartbreak throughout the years
Never even knew they were there
I forgot what it feels like to feel like no one cares
This world needs to change
This has to be real at least on some level cause it's always me who remains
And I am aware of the spiritual gains
Even through letting all that go, my heart for her still glows


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Letting go of self pity
Man this stuff is gritty
It can really leave you feeling stuck
To the point where you feel like you no longer give a ****
It seems like it's soothing you
But it's just keeping you from moving through
Better things are on the other side
Humility comes when you set aside your pride
You realize life doesn't have to be so serious and start to enjoy the ride


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

"It just has to be this way, you'll see one day"
I say okay, I'll trust for today
You haven't mislead me yet, I don't understand but I won't fret
When Monday comes I'll see what becomes
I'll see it's all sublime or that I need to change my mind
Either way I'll be fine


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Almost 99% of the time the dangers we perceive are only in our mind
Running around worrying and stressing over things that never happen
Our mind take possession and we end up feeling trapped in them
If you could only step out of your mind and see it isn't so scary
It's the fear in the mind that's leaving you weary
You can't think your way out of it
You need to SEE it for what it is and understand you can live without it'
Part of your belief is that it keeps you safe
Until you let that go it'll keep you afraid


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This isn't like the Matrix
We can still find love and be awakened
No girl in a red dress leading you back to a world of feeling stressed and depressed
Once you're truly free from this mess you can you can do whatever you feel is best


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Had to let go of a little loneliness
I'm further than where I need to be, been doing beyond my best
Last night was the first night in weeks I was able to get some truly restorative rest
Been pushing myself harder than "he" says
Because I want to be my best for her if this turns out to be real
I know the clearing of old energies is true, it's undeniable in the way I feel
Lighter, spacious, free from the burdens that weigh us


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

"He" says no more showing me glimpses of my future
I never really liked it and I wish it would have happened sooner
It's not how things are supposed to be, it's best to stay grounded in the reality right in front of me
It was necessary to get me to where I am, "He" had to get my trust and show that he's real
To do the work that needed to be done and to help remember how to FEEL
If she tells me what "he" says when "he" says she will "he" says "she will" my trust will seal and become as solid as steel


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The more you are given glimpses of your future the more your mind wants to know it
It gets hard to slow it down and let go of it now
It can be confusing too, your mind starts to feel like a zoo with wild animals running through
That's why I say I didn't like it, but I see why "he" did what "he" did
I'm just grateful it's over and things can start moving slower


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Don't have time for the drama, bring it my way and I'm a gonna
Real pain and I sit with you through the rain
Want pity though, that's something I don't show
If you want to stay stuck in the muck, it's not that I don't give a ****, that's your decision
If you've got the will and vision within to see yourself livin' I'm all for the action
Either way you always have my compassion


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's not about the speed, it's the distance that matters
Keep a steady pace, endurance builds resilience
Never give up


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I only don't show pity because I care
Pity doesn't get anybody anywhere


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You're my biggest strength and my only weakness
Not many fears left but losing you, the only thing that could make me weep like this
I know it's true that there's something unspoken between us
I just don't know if you love me as much as I love you
I can't know until you tell me, if you ever do
Being told it's so and that soon you're going to let me know is a blessing and a curse
If it's true I'll feel brand new like a baby at birth
If it's not the only place I'll want to be is resting beneath the dirt


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The pressure is enormous, I don't know if I can endure this
But I didn't come all this way to give up today
Walking through the fire to get to her
I just hope my self that's higher isn't a god damn liar


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The thought of losing her makes me forget all the things that I already have
All these thoughts that stir start to settle when I focus on the things that make me glad
Gratitude will help get me through, nothing new just something that's true


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Growth is progress, this is a process
Far but not done like I thought I was
I've got a ton of strength and love
But still more learning to go before I can truly show
Nothing world shattering or monumental
But enough to shake things up like a bomb at central
Just need to learn to be more calm and gentle at will


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Just here to learn and grow and share what I know with those who choose to listen
Strength and love are a part of who and what we are, more than given, but from something deep within


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Your divine shines in my heart and mind
Just a bit more time and I'm gonna find out if you're mine for a lifetime
The first time I'm headed towards something unknown without looking for signs
Heaven knows I love you, from my heart and soul, here and above too
You're energy is like something I've never seen
So kind, caring, free, and loving
I hope we share each memory and we'll forever be
For now I'll let it be until it's time to see


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The biggest thing keeping you stuck is that you give a **** what people think of you
You'll never be free until you let that worrying echo in your mind go, out and through
It's not an intellectual concept, gotta get rid of the imaginary image of yourself that you try and project
Most everybody does it, you'll become once you've begun to understand who you really are and get nobody can "touch this"
And don't forget, love is


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Just meditate if you want to start the journey and remember there's no hurry


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I have to warn you, there's a dark side to waking
That's why few follow through, especially without some aiding
None of it's real, just have to watch and feel
How long it lasts is probably different for everybody
And sometimes it comes in waves like rain clearing away all the muddy till the sun shines again
Then the darkness descends until the light rises within
It does get easier but it's not really less "painful"
I recommend pacing yourself, it doesn't and probably can't be done in a day, stay grounded, take breaks, stay heartfelt, and remember the things for which you're grateful


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've got mental clarity and it's clear to me that I just don't know
About what's coming and where to go
About why I'm here in a world that's living in fear
How can I help when no one wants to hear
Change can only come from within
When we realize we're more than just meat, bones and skin
But it can't be forced, not even by natures course
It's a decision we all have to make on an individual level
And so many of us are battling in our heads with an upset devil
I'll be the change in the world that I want to see
But I can't deny that a part of me wants to set this whole world free
Yet I understand that to one man that's an impossibility
Still inside it's killing me from all the suffering that I see
A kind of agony that's in the background nagging me
I've learned to tune it out and just let it be but sometimes I break down when I'm alone
When our presence is shown we realize we're home
Closing my eyes because I love the unknown
Out of my dome I found my soul
Let go of control to find we're already whole
Take the wheel that our thoughts like steal
Think a bit less and remember how to feel so that we can all heal


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't know who you are, or maybe I do
I've come so far just for you
Hoping on a star my dream will come true
Walked through flames so my mind I tamed
So when we meet I've always got the strength to protect you like a fleet
Sweep you off your feet the moments our eyes greet
I'll love you with all of me, let you see all the flaws in me
We'll share each sunrise, I'll hold you close if the sun ever dies
Whatever happens I'll keep you laughing
You'll fill the gaps in the areas I'm lacking
You know nobodies perfect, above or beneath the surface
I still need to find my purpose, but I found where my worth is
I'll know it's you because my heart will speak
Who knows maybe you're the girl that l've been running into on the street


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Not many fears left
Said **** you to the fear of death
Not even afraid, I just want "you" before I take my last breath
Got the voices in check
Let go of the fear of insanity to find sanity
Let go most of my vanity
Let go of my anger at humanity, it took understanding
Felt my soul expanding
Let go of paranoia so that I could enjoy the voyage
Watched as the fear of embarrassment came and went
Let go of those in the past I used to resent
None of it even left a dent, just left me in the present


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

We need to remember how to care
An art that seems to be so rare
We say life isn't fair 
But it's our greed that causes us not to share
Always thinking of ourselves 
Keeps us living in hell
On all the thoughts we dwell
It's like we're under spell


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

The only fear I won't let go of is losing "you"
For now, that's something I refuse to do
Love you till the day I die and always stay true
Even if it makes you cry, I'll never tell you a lie
I'll always be there to help get you through
We'll have each others backs through thick and thin
Like joyful kids wearing backpacks with big old grins
Any time you like, day or night, we'll get down and "sin"
If anything this life was meant to be fully lived in


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Let go of the rage in my anger so I no longer feel like a possessed stranger
There's nothing wrong with anger as it's there to help us protect ourselves and others from danger
Now when I'm feeling mad I've still got clarity I've never before had
Not just in the mind but the body no longer feels like it's on fire
Like the calm strength of water, I no longer forget that I'm the driver


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

If everything were perfect it'd be so boring we wouldn't even know it
We'd have no soul or personality to even show it


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Still love her deeply
She means so much to me
But it's time to let her go
We'll still see each other this I know
For a long time to come I hope
May our relationship continue to grow strong like an oak


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Ready for new love
Something that's true love
I don't want to feel the fall again
I hope she'll be the one until the end
My hearts still on the mend
But I'm open to real love again


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Had to do a lot of healing to be open to feeling real love again
For so long I thought I was broken, almost all I did was coping
Afraid and lonely, afraid to show me
Felt like I was the only one who could understand
Still felt like a kid inside even though I was a man
Thought no one cared enough to lend a helping hand
Felt like every time I made progress it inevitably lead to regression
Because of anxiety and depression
Healing isn't easy, it takes time and can literally leave your body feeling queasy
If you decide to give a go, please take your time and enjoy each moment of growth


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Worrying is fear, concern is love
One is out of control and the other rises above


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Don't want to lead, don't want to follow
I still love it all though
Just want to live my life and help where I can
It's healing for yourself and others when you lend a helping hand
I want to change the world for the better but I'm only one man
So I take it day by day and help where I can
Don't put myself first or others before me
In my mind I see it all on the same level just a different story
I think that's caring, when you can let go of the judgement you're wearing
Even if you're not someones biggest fan you still are open to helping and sharing
Aware and still there to defend and protect but it's viewed from honesty and respect
Setting aside your pride and seeing the human on both sides


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Here's a snippet of a song I wrote in wilderness:

I got abandonment anxiety,
Can't have a friend the irony,
When everything I do is to impress 'em,
I'm a stooge
Can't handle people liking me,
So I sabotage it cyclically,
It hits me like a tidal wave,
And I panic like a fool!

I'm needy, depressed, can't get outside of my head,
(censoring this line),
I'm pissy, ballistic, when I conjure up a threat,
To confirm my disbelief that I will ever have a friend,
So Sydney,
Please listen,
I'm begging for your help,
I need to change my patterns or I'll always be this stressed
So Sydney,
Please listen,
I'm begging for your help,
I feel like I'm imprisoned in this jail without a cell

From there the song touches on each and every thing I've ever felt shameful about. At the time, I was trying to open up about those things with others so I decided to write a song I could be proud of that contained all of it but now, I'm back to feeling a ton of shame for all of those things and I just haven't been able to talk about them with anyone so for the time being this beautiful creation of mine will have to endure the recesses of my mind. Sorry, I know this is your creativity corner, but as I was reading that all too under-appreciated multisyllabic rhyming style you were using, rapping along to the instrumentals, I just couldn't help but share


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> Mostly written freestyle with some touchups here and there
> 
> 
> 
> ...


eminem who


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Sorry, this is like my third post in a row on this thread, but you ever produce a whole song with music making software like flstudio


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

4Philip said:


> Sorry, this is like my third post in a row on this thread, but you ever produce a whole song with music making software like flstudio


Hey man, no worries. Post as much as you want here. I've only written and never produced. I'm thinking about making a book of my writings later though. I don't know, making music would be cool too. I literally know nothing about it though.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

4Philip said:


> Here's a snippet of a song I wrote in wilderness:
> 
> I got abandonment anxiety,
> Can't have a friend the irony,
> ...


I'm sorry I was distracted for a moment. I almost forgot to comment on your lyrics. I could total relate to how you feel as I used to feel similarly in many areas in my past. Have you produced anything? I'd love to hear your writing in music.


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> I'm sorry I was distracted for a moment. I almost forgot to comment on your lyrics. I could total relate to how you feel as I used to feel similarly in many areas in my past. Have you produced anything? I'd love to hear your writing in music.


Imma reply to both of your messages with this one. For the first, can't put into words how much I'd recommend learning how to make an instrumental. As for the second, I'd love to show you what I've made, just shoot me a conversation


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Feeling the loneliness
Painful with a hint of coziness
I'm so sorry anyone who's feeling this way
Remember each day is a new day
Change isn't always easy and sometimes it takes some time
You can choose to listen to that little bold voice you've ignored for so long
The one that encourages you to do the things you fear
If you aren't aware of it I promise you it's not gone
It just wants you to take the wheel and steer
It's like a muscle, the more you use it the more it grows strong
It's more like an intuitive nudge guiding you than a voice
It's trying to remind you you always have a choice
No more wondering with regrets of things that might have been
The choice is yours, you decide when


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Letting you go is the hardest I've had to let go of so far
By miles reaching above the stars


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Had way more than I thought of so many heavy emotions buried deep
I'm sure there's benefits I'll reap
But now I understand I'm not sure how long this will take
Or even how far I am no matter how much I've let go of in wakes
But everyday is getting better, so I guess it doesn't matter
I'd rather enjoy the latter


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Seems like my soul really wants to wake me up
Couldn't stop this is I wanted to
Tired of all the fake love
I want something true


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I know you and me are close to an impossibility
So much stands between us being a we
I let go of the dreams of us together in my mind
And the pain that came with it not being real all this time
But I still love you as we are now
If there's a way to let go of that, I don't know how
Don't want to give up what we have
For that I am forever glad


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

So much has happened
I used to be trapped in my past when...I was always here
When I wasn't in the past I was thinking of the future in fear
So many times I didn't think I would last, I wanted off this sphere
My mind moved so fast at times it was hard to think clear
Felt confused, abandoned, and abused
Lovable? Inconceivable, just plain unbelievable
I felt like I was trapped in hell
No escape, couldn't see a way out
Sometimes the clouds would break
But it never lasted with a mind plagued by so much worry and doubt
But I've been healing, much of it is just watching and breathing, with some feeling


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I think instead of just "simply" letting go of doubt, I've learned to accept the unknown that we live in every_ moment._

After a while I went from accepting to embracing it and I started to feel a part of life itself. Moving through it and it moving through me. Engaged with the present moment wherever I am...most of the time. Not there yet.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Still take some time reflect, I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing when trying to help
I guess learning doesn't happen in a speck, it's true what they say about even when you mean well


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Sorry if I talk funny sometimes, I feel like I'm out of my mind and yet sane at the same time
This will pass but I don't know when, soon I'll see someone who can help again


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's rather incredible how it almost seems like my whole reality changes when I change my mind or I mean the way I think. Like thinking more positively of myself. It's like people respond to me so in touch with how I feel about myself, which lately has been pretty good, maybe too good at times...

I need to find some balance.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Usually when I write poetry it's grounded more in my real life
I'm experiencing delusions, it's like if you told yourself a fantasy and it became your reality but you don't realize it actually isn't real...Edit: maybe it does make sense...I still question my reality in relation to the rest of the world.
Since I was getting into meditation a lot again when this episode started I think it sort of spiraled off into spiritual delusions


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's incredibly hard to stay humble like this, I apologize but then I have to think does anyone even care anyway. I like myself a lot but I'm not special, either that or everyone is so what's the ****ing difference? I realize I'm sort of talking to myself and as if anyone may be reading this. I'm trying to explain a lot of this thread lately to anyone who may care and to myself, it helps to sort of put things back in perspective. Everything can feel larger than life while having a manic episode. I don't know why this one came on. I meditate plenty, I just got inspired a bit more than usual for a moment so I don't think that's it. Everything was the same...hmm I did have a breakdown, felt so depressed I cried on the street...I forgot that happened right before...I was so sad for quite a while. Like 4 months.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Thing have settled, doing much better.


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> Seems like my soul really wants to wake me up
> Couldn't stop this is I wanted to
> Tired of all the fake love
> I want something true


thought it might be fun to remix this, hope you're ok with that, your last line was a bar. anyway, this is what I came up with:


Seems like my soul really wants to wake me up,
It's crazy cuz, my whole body' shaking,
What the hell you saying, brain,
Go check the basement.

And as I race there, my mind starts to break down,
All of this fake love's causing an earthquake and,
My heart cannot take it.

Thinking lately, every day's been hazy,
And my thoughts been fading in and out,
Won't make it.

Open up the door,
And realize its a metaphor,

What I've been suppressing,
All that I think is,
I want something true.

I imagine you can find the rhythm to it. Whenever I read yours aloud, the rhythm comes to me instantly.


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> It's rather incredible how it almost seems like my whole reality changes when I change my mind or I mean the way I think. Like thinking more positively of myself. It's like people respond to me so in touch with how I feel about myself, which lately has been pretty good, maybe too good at times...
> 
> I need to find some balance.


I've noticed that, it's almost like you can control people by how you expect them to treat you, if that's what you're saying. It's a pet theory of mine that we're wired to read and communicate through expectations that get expressed unconsciously through our body language so as much as we may try to hide our inner emotions, they're on display for those attuned enough to perceive them


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> It's incredibly hard to stay humble like this, I apologize but then I have to think does anyone even care anyway. I like myself a lot but I'm not special, either that or everyone is so what's the ****ing difference? I realize I'm sort of talking to myself and as if anyone may be reading this. I'm trying to explain a lot of this thread lately to anyone who may care and to myself, it helps to sort of put things back in perspective. Everything can feel larger than life while having a manic episode. I don't know why this one came on. I meditate plenty, I just got inspired a bit more than usual for a moment so I don't think that's it. Everything was the same...hmm I did have a breakdown, felt so depressed I cried on the street...I forgot that happened right before...I was so sad for quite a while. Like 4 months.


I get that, sort of a kind of loneliness that comes with being creative but having nobody to share it with. And then when you do, they don't appreciate it the same way you do. And some people, no better than you, are adored by everyone for their creations when yours are just as good, people clearly have no sense of taste.


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## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Could be worse. You could have no talent and think you're the ****.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

4Philip said:


> Could be worse. You could have no talent and think you're the ****.


Thank you, that's very true. I may get back to you on some of the other stuff wrote in a bit.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

4Philip said:


> I've noticed that, it's almost like you can control people how you expect them to treat you, if that's what you're saying. It's a pet theory of mine that we're wired to read and communicate through expectations that get expressed unconsciously through our body language so as much as we may try to hide our inner emotions, they're on display for those attuned enough to perceive them


Yeah, it's like when people can feel the confidence and charisma coming off of you for instance and they respond to it, almost like an energy you give off. Same goes for when we think and feel negatively about ourselves. Our body language is also a big part of it.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Finding a balance, it's quite the challenge
The moment the sound the hits you hear the talent
Creativity flows by the gallons
Cuts deep like a falcons talon
Dividing factions into fractions
This is passion in action
Feeling trapped in a world that's crackin'
Makes me feel like snappin' at those still nappin'
A part of me has had it and wants off this planet
A gentle approach may be wiser but for now you can cram it
Damn it! This world we inhabit is turning more toxic
You got a cold? So what, we're all sick
Wasting our lives by the clocks tick
Becoming more ****ing robotic
As everything becomes more chaotic
Now when it comes to this planet we want off it
Instead of facing the real problem that needs help
Ourselves...
You think if we go to another planet that'll solve it?
We'll just bring our **** with us, I mean all of it
It's time we evolve a bit
I'm a bit livid, no longer shy and timid
I speak my mind in each rhyme
If you disagree that's fine
Just don't waste my time
Sometimes I feel so confined
It's like everybody is living in a straight line
Lost in their ape minds
Till their grave finds them
Never living dreams dreamt
So much wasted time spent


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Feeling better now
Had to get some anger out
Couldn't let it hang about
It's something I can do without
Same with these doubts that like to creep in and out
Life can be stressful and a lot it's just mental
The thoughts we wrestle with in our minds
Not manic again, I'm just speaking mine


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Lucky I have no interest in the rap game
Or I'd be ripping you apart like a gatling
Don't give a **** about your phat bling
I'm that King, dismantling your ****ty rapping
Leave you crying, such a sad thing
I'm a dragon flying, you just a hatchling
You breaking syntax and still barely making sense
My lyrics impact your brain that's dense
I'm the present and the future, you past tense
Learn your lesson or you'll get neutered in my vast depths
**** YOLO, I ain't ever selling my soul
One last blow strait to your skull


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Love will come before the final sun
She'll be the one, a fairy tale spun
I've waited so long
Thought I was so gone
Now I'm back after my soul cracked through
I'm left with a whole new view
Let go of the past to find you anew


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

......


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've got some anger like a raging bull
So many people where I live acting disgraceful
But I don't like feeling hateful
So I'm making a list of things for which I'm grateful
Dropping the attitude as I try to find some gratitude
It's hard when they've got me reacting to their acting rude
But I'm gonna drop it, take the key to my heart and unlock it


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Walking down a street full of plastic people
They're all looking through a peep hole at a world that's unequal
Fancy cars making them all feel like dancing stars
Dressed in designer clothes looking down on those they perceive as having minor roles
Charging their Tesla's in rows
Life looks better on the other side
It's got me asking myself how long do I really want to stay on this ride?


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

A seashell fell where the sea fell on the shores of hell
Demons and spirits dwell mindlessly under a spell
Reasons they fear its own self made cell as they try to rebel
Thoughts they try and repel swell as they sink deeper into their mental well
A domain on flame lit by craters of propane as they try to squelch their pain
The few that remained sane tried to explain how to let go in the moments of fiery rain
The only way out was through written on the tongues of those who spoke true


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

She's got the eyes of an angel
Makes all my pain null
Fills me up when I feel plain dull
When I'm out at places I see her in others faces
For her I'd wait an eternity in stasis
Her inner beauty is contagious
When I'm with her I feel beyond courageous
Is the hopeless romantic in me taking advantage of me?
I already said I'd wait an eternity
It's not like I have somewhere to be
Here or somewhere in between that remains unseen
I've had enough of the falling
And with you it's not just my heart that's calling
My soul is befallen by yours
A call that allures for which nothing cures


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This dance of life has become filled with so much strife
Sometimes I wish for a distant life, a place that only I can imagine
A place with a life fueled by passion
But that would mean being happy and sadly right now that's not me
Feeling trapped in a world that's running wild
Everything is moving so fast I wish it would slow down for a while
Seems like so many people walk around with a frown or a fake smile
Haven't been depressed for a time but some sorrow does pass my mind
I have friends and people but sometimes I still feel like I don't belong in this world
But my story hasn't been fully told so for now I give it time to unfold
It's a little bit of hope with a heavy dose of curiosity to see what can be


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

As my eyes age I see more from my souls gaze
Sometimes I feel like an old sage where there's no stage
Writing in bold ways on each page
There's still a rage but being calm pays
I don't think it's a phase, a part of me feels like a beast that's caged
Trapped in this world where I can't find a meaning deeper than love
And armies stretching far seas lay between me and the one I think of
Sometimes I feel so foolish but I've never felt more than my heart wish
I feel the pull of my soul like it's something supernatural


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Distant lands stand between the kid I used to think I was and the man I now am
Still have an addiction but it's becoming less an addition
I just do what I want when I feel, why do anything but what's real?
At the same time my self control has become sublime
I've never experienced mania where I felt in such "control" of my mind
Not in it now just reflecting how things went about
Had some strange beliefs but at the same time I questioned it all and found some relief
Being alone with no one but the phone made it a challenge
But I feel like I'm finally finding a balance


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

For my sake I have to let you go
Or I'm never gonna move on
There's plenty of things to grow from and improve on
And this may be one of them
Plus it makes me open 
to other possibilities I may not see if I don't
Things would be different if I had a vote
But we can't always get what we want
So I'm erasing your name written in bold font from my heart
At least that's a start


----------



## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> For my sake I have to let you go
> Or I'm never gonna move on
> There's plenty of things to grow from and improve on
> And this may be one of them
> ...


man, relationships are the best source of musical inspiration


----------



## 4Philip (5 mo ago)

Starcut83 said:


> Distant lands stand between the kid I used to think I was and the man I now am
> Still have an addiction but it's becoming less an addition
> I just do what I want when I feel, why do anything but what's real?
> At the same time my self control has become sublime
> ...


barrrz


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

4Philip said:


> man, relationships are the best source of musical inspiration


Yeah I totally agree and thanks. ☺


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

No more anger, no more sorrow
No answer for tomorrow
A chest that now feels so hollow
A silent sound of tears I swallow
No sunrise to follow into the day
No me I feel the need to portray
Music has lost it's sway
Hope has forgotten how to play
An exit to this sad trip? 
There must be a way


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Remix of mostly previous writings compiled together. I think it fit really well.
==============
Faded Memories
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asking myself what's left if I don't figure out what's right
My heart's had a theft by a thief in the night
Now she's out of sight but not out of mind
and it's driving me out of mine

I can see everything I was blind to
I'm looking in my soul just to find you
But everything is filtered in deep blue
And every image of you has faded and become see through
Even in my mind I can't keep you and it's leaving me with a bleak view

She knew my heart was marked
Her name inked on every part
Till heaven departed
Now my hearts heavy and guarded
Caged behind heavenly bars
Heavily scarred
Memories I can't erase
My heart is a worn place
Every chord that's played
Feels like swords blade

I wish I could say how I feel in one verse
This must be what they mean when they say love hurts
And all this reminiscing is making it worse
It hurts when you know what you're missing
It feels like I'm screaming your name but you aren't listening
My hearts imprisoned and my mind's held hostage by visions of you
It's a beautiful view but at the same time it's killing me too


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Summer slumbers under winters somber
Fall calls out to springs spreading wings
Death and birth, the cycle life brings
Reflecting worth in all things
Roots grow in the gardens our minds hold
Truths told behind blind folds
True lies never seen by an others two eyes
What is lies before the wise
Clear skies always remain behind dark clouds
Unseen by crowds below
Yet above the sun still glows
At times pain is a gift bestowed
Without the rain a rose could not grow
Without sorrow, joy we would not know
The moon and sun rise together
Just on opposite sides of the earth
Reminding us we are not the center
And all things hold worth


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

She seduced me...
with eyes like the blue sea
Images of her follow me into sleep
Where nightmares free the beast in me like Bruce Lee
A monk who...
begun to...introduced me to Kung-fu
Now these monsters in my dreams drop like one-two
Even in my dreams I can't save her
So I put my pain to paper
An abrupt rise as the sun reflects in my eyes
Like gold specks
I've meditated on over a million breathes
But I'm still waking up in cold sweats
To old stress
Can't get her memory out of my head
Memories of her painted in red
No ease to the tears that I shed

My thoughts speak to me in an old dialect
As I reflect on ways to show her memory respect
If only our old souls would merge and connect
I try and project my heart to hers
But it's giving me heart murmurs
From the heartache...when everything feels at stake...
This isn't a piece of cake
It was my mistake that lead to this heartbreak
One that I can never unmake
She's see through while I bleed through every page
Screaming her name across this worldly stage
A burden so heavy I nearly caved


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This anxiety has been eyeing me
The pressure is lying to me 
making me believe if I don't succeed I'll be dying
But I'm defying, like a phoenix rising
I come back striking, quick like lightning
My whole life I've been surviving...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I put my pain in writing
Fighting the depression rising
Thoughts that are frightening
Cycling through my mind as it's tightening
Too wound up
My heart pounding to the sound of love
Or lack thereof...
This space in my chest...
keeps calling a bluff or folding
Maybe it's best...
that I've had enough of the whole thing
Sometimes it feels like such a cold thing
As I'm barely holding on
Waiting for a golden dawn
To bestow upon...my heart, it's missing part


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Briefly, they see me, a free unique me
Nothing outside needed to complete me
Now my heart's back to feeling weakly
A pain in the center of my chest
that makes me want to enter the state of death
As I fall on to one knee just to catch my breath
Fists clenched as I feel entrenched by a flood of emotions
Feels like I'm treading water in a blood filled ocean
A war within, which force will win?
I'm betting on myself 'cause I'm determined...
to let go of this piece of me that's so burdened
Changing the words in...my mind
To reflect how I want to feel in time
So that I can make my own mind mine again
So that I can live this lie till I arrive at the end
What else is there to do but to pretend?


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

Starcut83 said:


> She seduced me...
> with eyes like the blue sea
> Images of her follow me into sleep
> Where nightmares free the beast in me like Bruce Lee
> ...





Starcut83 said:


> Briefly, they see me, a free unique me
> Nothing outside needed to complete me
> Now my heart's back to feeling weakly
> A pain in the center of my chest
> ...


dope lyrics and beats fam!!!


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

system said:


> dope lyrics and beats fam!!!


Thanks man!


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Met this girl today
She seemed pretty cool in a way
But I'm like...who am I anyway?
My confidence is shaken
Feeling forsaken with a heart left achin'
Don't know who to trust in
My trust needs an adjustment
Too many times in love I've been crushed in
'Cause I rushed in
So used to the fall
Leading to heartbreak and withdrawal
A part of me would rather have nobody at all
than go through that again
leaving me full of holes like a Gatling
And it's a sad thing when you're not even sure what went wrong
It's makes it hard to move on...
Without a resolution, leaving me in confusion
I don't want to place blame
'Cause I don't feel like going up in flames
I know what I did, or maybe didn't do but could of done
But I couldn't outrun the emotions from my past arising one by one
In the end I Ghosted
Learned when it comes to my heart, I don't know how to let anybody close to it


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm patient, but I'd rather find love before I'm ancient
Before, I made sure this door to my heart would stay shut
But it only kept away what...I needed most
'Cause I couldn't let her close
If love were a drug I took too heavy a dose
I choked when we were on the ropes
Lost hope until I turned into a ghost
Now I'm haunted by hers
As the memory of her slowly blurs
I look back to that year and half
I can still hear her laugh
But It's time to let go of the past
I'm trying to figure out the math to my heart
I need a map back to the start
Before it cracked and fell apart
Now I'm putting it back together
Wondering if I'll ever find forever...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

These goblins that haunt my past have had their fill
I'm tired of looking back just to find something sad to feel
I'm looking for something beautiful and magical like Galadriel
When the future becomes the present I'll be glad she's real
From the pain I've grown as I head to lands unknown
On the open seas I embark with an open mind and heart...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Deep scars on my heart from the start
These stars to which I want to depart
Just a speck in the sky surrounded by dark
This world's left it's mark
Now in my chest all that's left is a dying spark
No fuel to light the fire
A duel with nothing but a knife to fight the gunfire
A life in the dark of night ready to retire
This pain feels hardwired
A result of disbelief in a desire
Leaving no room to aspire
Things that happened to me
left me black and blue, see
Why exist when you see right through me


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

yo cut lemme step in
we dope so lets win
drop a verse make the earth shake
a earth quake
i burn fakes
im holy like Jesus birthplace
cut you gonna drop a verse
about a girl then rob her purse
only playing
we all need love im only saying
we mc's of higher caliber
battle?...only if you a slyer challenger
so cut drop fire and kill the set
and show these people we still a threat


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

yall mc's yall things is wack
me and cut the Kings Of Rap


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

system said:


> yo cut lemme step in
> we dope so lets win
> drop a verse make the earth shake
> a earth quake
> ...


yo system thanks for listenin'
if I cut my wrist then...
you'd be the only competition
so listen in...
my heart may be deficient in...love
but we still rain ice from above
leaving mc's mic's cold to the touch
now they holdin' a crutch
system spit flame like drakes
as he burns fakes
and puts mc's in they're place
leaving them with a shamed face
as they walk off stage in disgrace
we break obstacles with the elements
like that God who's an elephant
wise and intelligent
making our enemies irrelevant
we on an imminent rise
system with his criminal eyes
and cut who see's through lies
uncovering wack mc's in disguise
if they lack our degree of expertise then it's their demise...








Thanks fam, I needed that.


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

Starcut83 said:


> yo system thanks for listening
> spoiler test


yeah its a song not just an instrumental ( :


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

yo my queen a fine pearl
you the only one for me my fly girl <3


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

tied down with masking tape
ill slash your face
with a long knife and stash the blade
this the vibe i come from
matching me...
you tryna rhyme you done son
a beast with lines
ima ghost that feast on minds
so fall back like dead spiders
me and cut the best writers


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Don't know if you saw it, I wrote something above on the edit.



system said:


> tied down with masking tape
> ill slash your face
> with a long knife and stash the blade
> this the vibe i come from
> ...


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

Starcut83 said:


> Don't know if you saw it, I wrote something above on the edit.


i saw just now...dope fam! ʕ⁠´⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠`⁠ʔ


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

ok lets end this cypher
and end it hyper
the king throne for no one but me
my verse paradox like its frozen with heat
the rhyme sicker
smoke hash with fine liquor
buzzed like lightyear
wanna battle?...
cuzz im right here
yo cut they tryna get funny
tell fam he get wrecked sonny
the cypher sick
the line is bricks
flow fast and the rhyme is quick


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

That rhyme was sick
Im'a get back to this chick who's dead slick
Broke through my logic with her red lipstick
So fine she cracked the tick in time like it were a code line
She blew my mind, the whole nine
My heart may be a coal mine
But it's shooting for the goal line with this dime


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

An energy that's feral
leaving mc's in peril
put your chapped lips on the barrel
'cause you slapstick like Ferrel
and every time you try to produce a rhyme you wind up sterile

I grind like metal
to rhyme next level
sold your soul to the devil
now you need to embezzle
'cause I was awarded a medal
for making his head roll

a dead fool 'cause he couldn't keep his head cool
now I'm standing over him in a red pool like Deadpool
hell freezes over in an icy enclosure
But who the **** cares 'cause the devil was a poser

Give me one more time to go over this
We all know who the chosen is
A sick flow in all of my verses
You can't rehearse this
Every verse immerses
I'm the sickest wordsmith
I've got sick diverseness
As your hurt worsens
I'll leave you wordless
There is no versus when this beast emerges


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I try my best
to digest
this pain in my chest
it's been a mess
with feelings I can't express
you took my breath
what did you expect?
then you left
but my heart you kept
like it was the perfect theft
now I feel like I've been trying to prevent my death
'cause last I checked the beat in my chest I can no longer detect
and I've been trying to offset the pain by chain smokin' cigarettes
now my brains broken 'cause I've been chocking on your silhouette
waking up in cold sweats like I was a vet, full of regrets
and every night I go to sleep the dream of you just resets...


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

waking up in cold sweats...
yall oppose no threat
been doing this for decades ima old vet
i bust shine 
with one line
or spill a verse when cut rhyme
your shine a weak dull glow
yall a disgrace like that she hulk show
never battle the kid
swing a thor axe at your thorax...
and the hammer is big


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

system said:


> waking up in cold sweats...
> yall oppose no threat
> been doing this for decades ima old vet
> i bust shine
> ...


Not sure if you took something I wrote In the thread I made to post my writings as personal? I write all sorts of things and this is just where I come to write my thoughts usually. When I write "battle rap", which honestly isn't really my style, it's usually to get anger out and has never been directed at anyone on this site and many times it's not directed at anyone, it's just anger. I don't know, maybe I misunderstood your rhyme?


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Trying to get to the place I'm in when I'm dreaming
So that I can find the meaning I've been seeking
Breathing through the stress
Nonetheless everything is harder when feeling depressed
Feelings suppressed
I'm a bit a of a mess
But thing's change
Like some days there's sun rays
And others bring rain
Still right now I don't feel that amazing
After everything I've been facing
Instead of enjoying life I've just been maintaining
Trying to find a glowing light
When everything feels like it's breaking


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This poison in my bloodstream
From years in a ****ed dream
A sad inner teen saying love me
'Cause I can't love myself
Right now I just want to be somebody else
The emptiness from the loneliness
Feels like deaths kiss
Don't know how else to express this
Sometimes it feels like I've got a death wish
Met a girl who made my heart skip
Went through hardship now I'm heartsick
My heart feels pierced by a blades tip
Want to forget this girl on a day trip
Want to escape this world in a spaceship
The pain slips past my defenses
Wish there was a way to end this
'Cause all this pain seems so senseless


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I try to think harder about my mother and father
about the thought of a lost daughter
a fantasy that ended in tragedy
a family that collapsed like a canopy
gently falling on top of me until I cannot breathe

my heart feels bare
gasping for air
asking for a little bit of love for her to spare
I sit alone in the chill air
wondering if you're still there
wondering if you still care

maybe it's a mixture
of insomnia and liquor
as memories flicker
like an old picture
there doesn't seem to be an elixir
as long as I'm on this earth
my heart will forever miss her


----------



## system (Apr 3, 2021)

Starcut83 said:


> Not sure if you took something I wrote In the thread I made to post my writings as personal? I write all sorts of things and this is just where I come to write my thoughts usually. When I write "battle rap", which honestly isn't really my style, it's usually to get anger out and has never been directed at anyone on this site and many times it's not directed at anyone, it's just anger. I don't know, maybe I misunderstood your rhyme?


nnnnoooo!...that verse had nothing to do with you...i just started the verse with one of your lines for fun...i didnt mean anything by it...i think youre pretty cool and i like your positive attitude...theres no beef fam!...keep droppin that heat!


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

these thoughts I can't erase
take me to a darker place
falling with the darkest fates
the darkest shades an artist makes
on darkened days
skin flays
exposing bone plates
beyond their growth phase
standing under ancient stone gates
my soul waits
for it's soulmates
till my soul fades
nothing left
his heart torn out his ****ing chest
no love to confess
left with something less
nothingness


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I liked this girl
she put a little light in my world
but my heart's still somewhat tender
and she deserves someone better
so I wrote this letter to let her know
there's a lesser known side of me
inside of me
dividing me
from who I am and who I want to be
since her
he's been hurt
never knew his worth
been falling since birth
can't ever plant his feet on this earth
he's most romantic
but he's post traumatic
leaving him so dramatic
he's almost had it...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

broken wings
unspoken things
openings in his armor
holes left in his chest from her departure
drowning in the shadowed depths
shallow breaths
he can't touch the ground to take a step
like gallows deaths

Work in progress...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

this grief
disbelief
anger, sadness, and confusion
living in a state of disillusion
feeling trapped in what happened
what went wrong?
we were strong but something was broken
was it words we left unspoken?
I miss that face
can't be replaced
I can't change the past
but this sorrow seems to everlast
If I had known the contrast of the light you brought
and the present without it I would have fought
your beauty is original, it can't be taught
I don't know what I did but I feel the guilt
my heart's in pieces and I'm not sure it can be rebuilt


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

*((TRIGGER WARNING!))*





Tunnel vision into the dark
Life has left her mark
I pray you don't forget hope like this
Hanging from a rope, lifeless
A vision I can't stop imagining
The only future for me I see happening
How can I escape this nightmare?
In a world where someone might care
It's quite rare
But who said life's fair?
As my last breath escapes my lungs into the night air
Eyes closed, Ice cold
The final dice rolled
If life's a hand then I fold
I've given up
No longer give a ****
Line me up and shoot me like sitting duck
This ****ty luck
When all I wanted was pretty love
It's pretty ****ed
When you no longer want to live
When you feel you've got nothing left to give
When the heartbeat in your chest feels weak
You can barely eat or sleep
And every other thought that creeps in is like a wolf in sheep skin


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

*(TRIGGER WARNING!)*





I'm trying to cope
But I can't get my mind off the rope
This life is like a sick joke
If there's any hope than it's cloaked
I can't stress how much I'm a mess
I never thought life would lead
To a place I believed
I could no longer proceed
In a world that bleeds greed
We rarely get the love that we need
When everyone is out for just "me"
My heart's out in the rain turning rusty
Trust me, I tried
Now my heart's in a divide
Between the one that I love
And by the ghost that I'm denied
Trapped somewhere in between
A first love like sixteen
And an unreachable dream
In my heart is a crime scene
You might know what that means
I'm sorry if you do
May my memory be devoted to...
A love that can never be true


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Haunted by the dream of your love
What can never be is like poison in my blood
You can't save me and maybe it's stupid
Don't blame me, blame Cupid
I feel like a lonely Romeo
Who's Juliet is his only hope
A love he can never know
But his heart just won't let her go
She has the eyes of Angel
But when he looks into them it feels so painful
Who knew love could be fatal
But this love is just a label
For my hearts fable
A story he knows will never be told
And so his heart grows cold
As his soul fades
Hidden in the shades of grey
Until he slowly fades away


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

You made me believe, you filled my cup up
You decided to leave, now I'm ****ed up
Sometimes I can barely breathe, **** love
In my chest is a hole the size of a planet
A space where my heart is stranded
Weighing heavier than granite
Wrapped in a bandage to cover the damage
Trapped in my head with too many thoughts to manage
I can barely stand it
My brain is running out of bandwidth
And depression has crept in
Using my memories as a weapon
Feels like I fell from heaven straight into my grave
Now's there's no me left to save
Does she know me?
She doesn't wave
Doesn't even look my way...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I never got closure
But this life isn't over
I'm regaining my composure
The light is slowly getting closer
Clouds have parted
Douse the flames of the brokenhearted
The pain has departed
No longer heavy and guarded
Vulnerability
Turning this impossibility in my mind
Into something I seek to find
Not like everybody can see
I'm not like you, I'm like me
And it's likely I'll never be
I can't be like everybody else
When my heart always rebels
I can feel it in all my cells
As I excel well
I see them try and sell hell
And it's a hard hit
But I never wanted to be a part of it
So **** off(not you)...I'm starlit...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I never knew it was possible to be in love with two at the same time
No wonder it was hard for me to keep a sane mind
And even though our hearts are of the same kind
I blame mine and in the same line I blame time 'cause it didn't align
I wasn't ready, my heart wasn't steady and so I remained blind
I was ready to give up but now I see you never know what you may find

WIP


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've been sleepwalking through this dream that keeps us
For a week plus
Believing in this dream of bleakness
Leaving me sleepless

Held down by the weight of time
A hell bound state of mind
Fell in love with a heart of the same kind
But our hearts fell out of line and I blame mine
Became so attached through the days
I was in a daze and I remained blind
And when we went our separate ways
Clouds covered the suns rays and I lost my sane mind

Now it's in a divide
Between the one that I loved
And by the ghost that I'm denied

In my chest is a hole the size of a planet
A space where my heart is stranded
Wrapped in a bandage to cover the damage
Trapped in my head with too many thoughts to manage
I can barely stand it
My brain is running out of bandwidth

And depression has crept in
Using my memories as a weapon
Forever reflecting on the moment she left him

Feels like I fell strait from heaven into my grave
Chest caved
Heart caged
Buried and paved
And I've been wondering if there's any me left to be saved

The truth is my heart is covered in bruises
As I look up at where the moon is
Wondering if I'll make it through this blueness


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I ask myself where did you go?
I catch myself when falling low
My anxious eyes cannot help in hoping you'd show
I ask the skies for help in letting you go
A disastrous rise of pain below
I catastrophize the things we cannot know
It hurts me to think I hurt you
You were the one always I turned to
And lately my sleep has had no curfew
I've been looking at my life from a birds view
It dawns too late to see the best part was you
Something I think I always knew
But my hearts too blue to play
So I pushed you away
Now I'm held down by the weight of time
Trapped in a hell bound state of mind
Fell in love with a heart of the same kind
Lost my sane mind
Our hearts fell out of line and now I blame mine
Still in the nighttime I seem to be in my right mind
So I stay up all night writing in the moons lighting
Looking up at the stars like torn scars in the sky
It's like looking through my eyes at myself in disguise
Listening to these words spoken softly
As I let go of the ghost that haunts me


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Yeah, I was tiggered listening to "music" today on YouTube so I had to get it out...





You're style of rhyme is like a violent crime
Murdering this industry with **** that isn't interesting
Couldn't face me with an infantry
Either way you don't interest me
What's wrong with this society?
Take your ****ty song and **** off quietly
Brainwashing the masses
As the rain washes away your ashes
'Cause you just got burnt by class kid
If you think you have talent you must be trippin' on acid
Or maybe it's not you and whole world is trippin'
Probably true because it's sickened
These skills are built not given
You should have guilt for livin'
'Cause what you're doing can't be forgiven
This is just the beginning and I'm already winning
Disappear from the scene or you might end up "missing"
Who's *** are you kissing to make it that far?
I could destroy you with half a bar
You may have a fast car and act hard
But It doesn't mean you're a rap star
Look at these lyrics if you're wondering where the facts are...
I'm not saying I'm the best
I'm just saying you're the worst
Had to get this off my chest
Or veins in my brain would burst


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Well, things are better I guess...
Hell, I was never blessed
Been under so much stress
Every move feels like a game of Chess
Or is it checkers
Can't take this pressure
Dwelling in the abstract like Escher
Bless her, she's a treasure
Her beauty knows no measure
Measure my nose 'cause I'm telling the truth
All this technology is killing our youth
This lack of connection
Is in need of rapid correction
Loneliness is on the rise
You can see it in their somber eye
Head full of thoughts of how they want to die
And you ****ers wonder why?
Is it really any big surprise
That all you do is tell us lies
Wasting all these precious lives...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

There must be a way to save me from myself
'Cause dwelling on all this **** isn't good for my health
And all the pain that I've felt
Made me want to hang from a belt
An unspeakable pain
And my heart goes out to anyone who feels the same
But don't feel ashamed
You're stronger in the brain
Than half these ****ers in the game
They don't know real pain
So their Souls have no real gain
Mental health is no joke
And anyone who judges
Just wants their ego stroked
But they don't know what love is
They don't realize it till the day they croak
And I'm not talking about romance
I'm talking about a compassionate stance
And unless you know pain like this firsthand
You'll never understand


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Spent so long looking for a way out
What went wrong?
I don't know but I'm okay now
Let me explain how...
Talk to somebody you trust
All that pain needs to be discussed
If you trap it in your head
You'll keep on wishing you were dead
You need an outside perspective
Someone who can be compassionate but objective
Asking for help will help restore your health
When your head feels like a war zone
It's hard to do it all on your own
I promise you there are people who care
I promise you they're out there...
Not in your mind
So please be kind to yourself
And if you need, seek some help
Don't get me wrong this won't be easy
But it's the only thing that help me see me
And if you try you can see yourself how we see
Learn to love you and never put anybody below or above you


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Coming soon...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

*Trigger Warning///Explicit language*

Working through a lot of past anger...





You wannabe
Someone I never wanted to be
It's like you wanted me
To live in a tragic comedy
Those mind games you played
My eyes gaze with hate
I cannot forgive
You made it harder to live
You know exactly what you did
Don't give me that "Bro" ****
You know you're full of it
I hope you fall in a black hole
You ****ing *******
Go sit on brass pole
You've got a black soul
A heart made of black coal
My soul will swallow you whole
Stay the **** away from me
'Cause you've got no friend in me
In fact you've got an enemy
I know you're not who you pretend to be
I'm letting hell out
Do I have to spell it out?
You're a ****ing sellout...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Hmm...I'd forgotten how healing this writing can be. I was so angry writing the above while thinking of "that" person...afterwards it felt like it was mostly gone.

Note to self : After writing, just let it go.


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Well I thought that I miss you...

And I think I still do...

But the memories of you have faded
Now all that's left is a feeling my heart created

It used to feel serrated
If loves a game I've been checkmated

I'm sorry I complicated...

Now I see I rushed it and should have waited...

But that's my problem, not yours
I've just been looking for some healing and I know love cures
Truth is I wanted you down on all fours
I just see no point in it being obscured

Don't get me wrong my love for you was pretty pure
My heart was definitely singing to your song
But guess what...I've been human all along...

I ****ing loved you
It's true

And I won't apologize for how I felt
You're hot as hell
And I don't even think you know it
But damn girl you show it


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Diamonds shining within your inner lining
Defining your beauty
Like light in your heart that flows right through me
It glows bright even when it's gloomy
At night...well alright...truth be at all times I want you most truly
So sue me
Before I met you it felt like nobody really knew me
You look right into my soul like you see gold
All the the things that we hold...within ourselves
In our inner selves
Deep in our cells
Tell me how much I really love you
It's true I do enjoy the view when looking at you
I can't help it because you're so fine
There's no line that could define what I see
Even if I close my eyes tightly
You still shine brightly
And I understand I can't be your man
But I still adore all that you do
I'd go to war for you
And I think you know it's true
But it's all okay
'Cause you still stay with everything I'm going through
I just never want to see the day we say...it was nice knowing you


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Feels like disco
But I'll rhyme to this flow
Makes me want to put on my headphones
And shake my hipbones
We're like diamonds hidden in stones
Nothing's written in stone
They say keep it simple
All I see are love symbols
Is love that simple?
Wondering if it's on the way
Why do we complicate?
Is there any such thing as fate?
All these questions
So many lessons
We forgot our purpose
So many people feeling worthless
Underneath the surface
And just because Earth is
Life is not an institution
That's a delusion
We're all confused and...
We all want answers
To things we can't know
But it will eat away at you like cancer
So just let it go
While you're here
Live your life and focus on what you can know
So much fear but it's bogus
Like the shadow from the light of a candle
It's like being afraid of bear head hung on a mantle
It's all in our head, it's all mental
So go to your heart
'Cause that's who you are
We're not the thoughts that try and think of thoughts of who we think we are...
So get out of your head 'cause it's just a tool
As long as you think that's who you are it'll keep you fooled


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I feel all over the place
Like an emotional roller coaster
As my thoughts pick up their pace
There seems to be no cure for this rapid cycling
Never know what it might bring
Doubts and worries heightening
Bouts of fury like thunder and lightening
An unknown future that's frightening
But it's really only one thing
My heart beats 'cause it knows I need her
But I fear I may never meet her
Wish my mind had a street sweeper
I can't help but fear to be hurt
Haunted in my mind by the shadow of a creature
'Cause the past pain
Like the wreckage of the crashed plane
Has merged into fast lane
And it's not that it's not true
It's just that it does no good to cast blame
'Cause the past can't change it's already done and through
So I do my best to forgive "you"


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Hopefully this beat will cheer me up a bit
My mind still believes no one gives a ****
Even though I've been told otherwise
Sometimes I think I'd be better off in another life
They say YOLO
But I say how the **** do you know?
We take assumptions and make them beliefs
And they start to seem like certainties
And right now it's really hurting me
I'm being steered by my past
As the wind blast
But I feel like I'm on boat with broken mast
At time it feels like the universe is against me
As if when it comes to finding love it just prevents me
And even though I still know to be careful what you believe
Most my life that's all I could ever see
So I fear never knowing this human need
Years of beliefs buried deep
Rising to the surface again and again as they prey on me
And it's really weighing on me
How do you change what's been ingrained since birth
'Cause when it comes to love I don't know my worth


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I know this feeling all too well
Feels like I've fallen into hell
My minds under a spell
From thoughts creating a prison cell
My whole life I've been taught to believe in this thought
I need the bleeding to stop
And the healing to start
'Cause it's killing my heart
And I don't know what to do
I can't see a way through
And it's true that it's temporary
But knowing that doesn't make it any less scary
I don't know what motivates you
But for me it's finding love that's true
And if she ever read this
It would leave me breathless
As the words leave her red lips
I'm doing my best to shed this and find hope again
But I won't pretend that it won't come back eventually
Until the day we meet
Now the hope is starting to return
But my chest still burns
'Cause my heart still yearns
But I won't give up till the Earth no longer turns


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Doing my best to create a good feeling
Who knew putting words to music could be so healing
Peeling back the wall that's been concealing my heart
By revealing it in this poetic art
I'm way too hard on myself
I know it's not good for my health
Always felt like I had to be perfect
In order to be worth it
Feels like a long road when you're feeling worthless
Weeks in mania feeling like nobody could hurt this
No doubts about one day knowing her kiss
Then it all turned around as I felt below ground
I don't feel that low now
But I can't say I'm not getting tired of being thrown up and down
As my brain smiles and frowns
Wondering if I'll ever hear her angelic sound
A harmony that can tear down this armor on me
I'm still waiting for this steel plating over my chest
That's kept my heart heavy and suppressed
To finally break down so my heavy heart can finally rest


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't like them telling us our role
I hate feeling controlled
I have a rebellious soul
I'd return the fire to Earth just like Prometheus stole
I too would trick the Gods if it meant switching the odds
And I know this hole in my chest will never be full
No matter what I do or who I meet
It's been there since infancy
At least I've always been gifted with the intuition to see
But it gets a bit blurry when it comes to seeing me
I've taken thousands of hits but I knew that s*** would never cure me
So I put down the weed
But the real problem is that I put down me
I gave up on myself a hell of a long time ago
My whole life I've been flying low
Held down by the pain that lies below
But I have a rising soul that's why my eyes still glow
And deep down in my heart I still know...I'm worth it
It's only in my mind that I feel worthless
I need a real purpose
And this Earth is hurting
It's concerning to see it slowly burning
Why do we fight each other when we could come together and change things?
I guess that explains things like ancient paintings "predicting" the end
And even though none of them have come true
It still shows you we knew we had problems back then
Back ten years I was so lost
So cold from the loneliness it felt like my world was covered in snow frost
Instead of playing and making snow mans
I spent years drifting with no plans
As my heart yearned for romance
Dreams of a slow dance while holding her hands
But every time I woke up it hurt as...
I started to realize I'd been lost in my imagination
It's the cost of isolation
I'm sick of wasting this life
Almost threw it away twice with a knife
I still remember the night I made a wish on a shooting star
As tears fell from my eyes 'cause my heart is covered in scars
But I choose wisdom 'cause truth is who's isn't
Still It doesn't make it hurt less
And If she's out there I hope she's doing her best
I never give myself the credit that I'm due
'Cause truth is I am too
I guess that's what this damage tends to do
And all this work I'm doing is for myself but also for you
'Cause if I really lost hope in finding you I probably wouldn't make it through


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

In the morning I tend to be alright
But every day I've been fighting from noon to night
Purging the pain as I write in the moonlight
There's hurt in my brain, but it's not like I knew right?
Wondering who might she be
Hoping I find her before my tomb finds me
I'm not really like the gloom I bring in my writing
It's just my way of fighting the **** life brings
You know what I mean?
I scream 'cause I don't know a thing
Except for what's right in front of me
And my past that's buried under me
We know our past but it's already come and gone
Now it's winter and I'm waiting on summers dawn
Hoping in the new year I can finally move on


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Yes, I've moved on...
so please leave me alone
Looking for something new to groove on...
before my heart sinks any further like a stone
Because it's so poor when it comes to love it needs a coupon...
it's spent too much time on it's own
I was so withdrawn...
felt so unknown
The past is gone...
but these constant reminders dig into my bones
I'm just waiting on a new dawn...
a face to call home


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I've been reflecting on how it's felt like you left me
But the truth is I left you too
It really does take two
The timing wasn't right
Neither of us we're ready for the light
And I remember that night
The very moment I knew I had fallen for you
Became too attached like glue
Wanted to be closer but instead I pushed away
Because the pain of my past hurts to this very day
I wasn't aware of what I was doing
I would never hurt you intentionally
You're heart I was pursuing
Love was the purest intent in me
I wish I could see you one more time to apologize
But it would probably hurt you more to look in to my hollow eyes
'Cause I've been feeling empty inside
And it's not your fault I hope you know
I thought it was mine but that was just my ego
Truth is it was nobodies fault and I have no doubt
It's just that sometimes things just don't work out


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This world is ran like a business
What the hell is with this?
So much bull**** that I've witnessed
Some great people
But so much "evil"
So many trying to get ahead
And they don't care
About what they did or said to get there
Because they know the world ain't fair
Trust this
The world is full of injustice
And it makes me so mad
Sometimes I want to leave it behind and become a nomad
But I'd be so sad 'cause I'd be even more alone
I probably wouldn't even have a phone
Or anyone to call for that matter
I don't know if I could handle all the isolation and mental chatter...


Too tired to continue....


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Used to blame you for my broken heart
Truth is it's been broken from the start
But I don't want to get into that
I've just been wondering where you're at
Life's been thundering and I've felt like a wet cat
Dripping sad, tripping and mad
Maybe that's why you left
'Cause even though I'm doing my best
I've been a ****ing mess
I wouldn't say obsessed
But my mind was possessed with thoughts of you
And I've been mourning way too long over the loss of you
It comes and goes just like me
You're like a crimson rose in my psyche
Beautiful but the thorns hurt
And everybody there knows I mourn her
'Cause I adored her
Mad like Banner with ripped shirt
Sad like a panda in those memes
Never loved someone so much before that they appear in dreams...


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't know what to rhyme about if I don't rhyme about you
Wish these dreams would take a time out so I can dream about something new
The stories been told so many times
And I've got sore knees from my legs feeling weak as I'm cryin'
I don't pray but I'd be lying if I said I haven't just to see you
Anyway I guess I just told a half truth 'cause truth is I do just for you
I think I let it go and then I blink and your memory comes back
But I'm not in love with that, I wish I could let these memories go into the black
If I truly saw you now I don't know how I'd actually feel
I think it's the lack of closure that's making it hard to heal


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I hope you're not mad at me
But I hope never to see you again actually
My heart is wrapped tight and it would make things harder
Like a black knight hidden behind thick armor
Last night my dreams became darker
Won't go into the details but I fell a bit farther
Into this grief 'cause your memory won't let me be
I'll keep it brief but I'll say that I was naive
I know why I did what I did
And you may not know why I did it
You're looking at things from the opposite
But I wonder if you're thinking the same s***
Trying to figure out why things got so ****ed
Or maybe you just don't care and think "so what?"
I don't know 
But the way you treated me at the end makes me think so
I guess that's the way sometimes things go
I'm just trying to process why my heart is covered in crosses
All these names that are X'd out
Just another ex now
Stuck your hooks in me
Until you wouldn't even look at me
But I think it all came down 
to a lack of trust and open communication
Spent a year and half together and now 
look at us separated by distant locations


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's a promise it's real
I'm honest in how I feel
I want to trust your love even if it's surreal to me
'Cause I know it's gonna be healing me
Doing my best to let go of these past feelings in me
So I write a ton to process all of my brains drama
I know the right one won't walk away because of past trauma
My mind is clearer because I quit the marijuana
But my heart is still cloudy like a hot sauna
I'll know it's you and this time I'll have a better clue of what to do
Or to put it another way, what not to
So to the last one, I'm sorry it didn't last hon
At the start I had fun and in the end I learned some
Now I'm more prepared for the one


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Swept up in the sorrow of a memory
Though it's no longer about you and me
Or the way things used to be
Your memory is now just the representation...
of the way things have always been
A heart full of sorrow from deep down within
I kneel down to bend
Or I'd break down and never mend
Never mind her...
I'm still trying but can never seem to find her
Who's fault is this?
Is it my minds designer?
I know in my heart is a vault full of bliss
But it's covered in asphalt from life's conflicts
Never harmed her but still feel the guilt
Heavy armor like steel walls built...around my chest
At least I no longer feel down and depressed
I'm still doing my best to process all this
All the crosses I'll miss
As my heart dissolves the wish for her kiss
Letting it go but who knows if I'll ever know her lips
The one who can breath life back into my lungs
The one I've been waiting on since I was young
Though in this very moment I kinda just want it all to be done
'Cause this burden weighs a ton
And my hearts burning like the sun
And they'll never understand why for me it'll always be one or none


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I only ever saw the better side of you
I was always blinded to
The darkness inside of you
Thought it was me and not you
Now I see that was never true
We're threw...
But you've been stuck in my mind
Like I've been stuck at a stop sign
It takes two but you made me think it was all mine
This is a break through 'cause I'm no longer blind
It's about time...
I know you're not heartless
And I too was a part of this
But now it's time for me to part with this
So my heart is no longer barred from bliss


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Went to a social gathering to celebrate the holidays today, there were a ton of people...this seems to happen at every "party" I attend now days





Even when I'm lonely and alone, at least I feel like I know me when I'm on my own
But there's no equal to the loneliness I feel when surrounded by a ton of people
It's like looking through a glass pane separated from everyone around me by past pain
I created it to protect the self but now years later I can't connect and it's hell
Feels like no one wants me around so I walk away and isolate till I drown
Though I know it won't last, runny tears still fall from my eyes
As long forgotten memories from 20 years in my past arise
Back then all the things that happened left me trapped in my head
It's hard to trust again when people only pretend to be your friend until their truth is said
Making me believe things about myself that were never true
Now sometimes it's hard to see myself the way many truly do


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

All these poisonous voices so boisterous and demanding
With no sense of understanding
Sometimes seemingly helpful
At others underhanded
If this is life, it's a hellful I've been handed
But what they don't understand
is from where I stand I have the upper hand
Sometimes it's like hell making me mad
I tell them to be quiet but I get no compliance
They never holla back
I can never get any silence
How am I supposed to survive this invisible man talking smack
So much stress...from these uninvited guests
It's like my mind is a war zone
Elevating my stress hormones
Constantly telling me how things are, who I am, and what I'm not
I'm doing all I can but in reality there's nothing to be fought
And nobody knows what I'm going through
It's true, it's all in my own head
But it's practically impossible to ignore the things that are said
I know it's just an audible thought
But it sounds so real that it seems like it's not
From the moment I wake up until I go to bed they're there
But I still can't quite explain exactly where
It's always clear to hear but not always spoken in my ear
Just somewhere in my atmosphere
They even mimic the sound of the people that are near
It's a whole new devil messing with my head on whole new level
And I'm in the thick of it in the night
I'm getting sick of this fight
All I can do is shed some insight on this battle that has no end in sight
I might just be fighting it for life


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I don't think I'll see you again...
The connection is breaking!

And my hearts been aching...

I thought it would never end...
But I was mistaken!

I'm ready to begiin...
My hearts for the taking!

And I'm not wondering when...
When I meet her I'll know it!

So until then...
My heart beats a bit slower!

It'll pick up the pace when...
Our eyes meet I'll know her!


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I now doubt love
Thinking I'm better off without love
Can't be real? Who's really to blame
Want me to suppress how I feel
That's ****ing insane
In your head making love a heartless game
All I wanted was to adore you
You only wanted me when I ignored you
Hope you find the love your seeking
If you see me again it'll be a view of me leaving
I'm not staying any longer than I have to
You were playing with my heart, only letting me love half of you
I gave you love and I hate it
Now I'm jaded by your faded memory
I hope "love" forgets my name and never remembers me


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

This **** is stupid
So many excuses
There's no solution...
Not even from Confusius or Cupid
It's confusing how I'm losing my sense of worth now
How is this ever supposed to work out?
Looking for an exit as I take my next hit
Took your name and X'd it
Now it's just fuel for some of my best ****
I'd trade a win for this burning heart
I feel like I flay my skin in these works of art
Exposing this beat in my chest
Now I feel like closing it before it even greets it's next guest
What is love? Your guess is as good as mine
Is it in our blood? Or is it something more divine
All I know is I was blind
All I could see was you
All I could feel was see through
It's like she never knew I bleed too


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

I'm not really lovesick
Just exhausted by times tick
And the timing that never seems to click
I'm looking for more than a short flick
I need a hand 'cause I feel stuck in quicksand
And I know this chick won't fall for the slick man
Gotta be genuine and let her in
But my heart still holds my first tears
And that's my worst fear
Is being hurt here
Trying to read her signs
But it's all a blur of doubt in my mind
'Cause the fear of messing it up is leaving me blind
I'm literally being held back by a lost past
I can't move forward to something that might last
'Cause in my mind it never does
So I create reasons to sever "us"
I can feel the closeness when moving in
But a part of me pulls away from within
Screw it, maybe this time I'll _just lean into it_


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

.rar


----------



## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

There's a sea full of people
Looking at the world through a peep hole
One more Coexist bumper sticker
And I'ma pour a pound of liquor
Set the world on fire
'Cause we're all ****ing liars
From politicians to church choirs
I'm just speaking the truth
But no one wants to hear it 'cause they fear it
Want proof? look at John Wilkes Booth
Heads and hearts full of fear
An upsetting start when we first appear on this sphere
The betting starts when death is near
Fretting hearts disappear into the atmosphere
Where do we go?
Anyone who claims to know 
Better check their inflated ego
Better translated to the likes a mosquito
Draining the blood of the people
Training their minds with the deceitful
Who the hell do you think created "evil?"


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