# Do you cut yourself? (WARNING: possible triggers)



## jijiji (Feb 5, 2011)

please elaborate if you can, what happened, and how do you view it now as you look back?


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## Alduriam (Jun 30, 2011)

No...

And I believe anyone who does so should seek therapy.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

For a long time I was addicted to it. I try to control myself now however. I started because of severe depression. Turned into an addiction. I tried to stop because my parents know & are constantly interrogating me about it. I was tired of trying to hide it. Plus - I'm aiming to be a psychotherapist - I need to heal myself mentally.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I loved the feeling of it. I miss the feeling of it. But I never found it hard to quit. Unlike so many other things it never seemed to control me.

It was just another tool, a temporary distraction which society either ignored or hated.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Nope - it's scary.


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## rainbowOne (Sep 26, 2010)

I used to, somebody once taught me to self harm and I was stuck in it for a couple if years. Stopped though and although the urge may still be there when I get angry, I can control it now.
I never did do it when depressed though, only when I was angry.

It's a horrible horrible habit to get into.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I used to. I probably still would if it didn't leave scars, and if it didn't upset anyone close to me.


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## itisgoingtobefine (May 15, 2011)

I can't believe how many people do this to themselves. :rub


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I put that I've done it before, but not regularly. I cut myself once with a pocketknife, the next day I went to the psych ward. While there, I gouged up my leg pretty good with a plastic Dixie cup. Still have a nice nickel-sized scar from that last one.

I also engage in subconscious forms of self-destruction (biting and picking at the skin around my fingernails). I know it's bad, but it's hard to stop. I usually don't even realize that I'm doing it until I start bleeding or somebody points it out.


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## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

No. I've never understood self-mutilation, how that can make you feel better at all. Though of course I sympathize with people who do it. I was severely depressed for years, but never felt the need to cut myself.


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## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

I haven't purposely. I had to stick a hobby knife into my shoulder about a month ago to cut open a nasty lump of some sorts. I could see why people do it, you do get a little rush. I just won't do it to myself, doesn't seem worth it. I've come really close though.


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## itisgoingtobefine (May 15, 2011)

fanatic203 said:


> No. I've never understood self-mutilation, how that can make you feel better at all. Though of course I sympathize with people who do it. I was severely depressed for years, but never felt the need to cut myself.


That's right!


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

i did it a few times to try it out, it was boring to me, nothing satisfying, not big cuts, small, little blood, i dont like it, i dont like scars on my body, i dont like tattoos on my body, nothing i would want to have on my arm forever


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## Annie K (Sep 24, 2008)

.


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## Nevermind0 (Jul 31, 2011)

Funny story i used to work with plastic. I had to deal with big rolls of it and i'd frequently cut my arms. After awhile i got used to it where it didn't bother me the least bit, i actually started to enjoy it because i guess it made me feel something, made me feel alive or something. 

At one point i had over 40 cuts between both my arms, i proudly called them my battle scars jokingly to my friends. I can't decide whether i was like into cutting at the time or i was just being a tough.


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## kunak (Mar 19, 2011)

No not usually


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

fanatic203 said:


> No. I've never understood self-mutilation, how that can make you feel better at all. Though of course I sympathize with people who do it. I was severely depressed for years, but never felt the need to cut myself.


I was the same way until I did it. I think each person is different. Honestly, I can't say with 100% certainty why I did it. I think the first time I was just hurting so much on the inside that I had to externalize it, so that I could accept that my pain was "real", or maybe I just wanted to distract myself. I honestly don't know.

I don't know why I did it the second time. My memory of it is fuzzy and dreamlike, just a blur of images. In fact, if it weren't for the scar on my leg and all the evidence that I was actually in the hospital, I probably *would* think that it was just a dream, I was so detached from reality at that time.


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

Nope not once in my life. In fact I don't know if I've ever even thought of it, it seems somewhat useless to me... Even though I've gone through some pretty awful things, I really don't need to "let out the pain" by cutting myself...


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I once cut out a freckle I had on my arm, it was just to get rid of it though I didn't intend to harm myself. Well maybe a little bit, I've done other things.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

No. I didn't even know cutting existed as something folks did till maybe 10 years ago.

It's so far removed from my world that it's something I can't fully comprehend it.


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## Neutrino (Apr 11, 2011)

Used to. 13-15 was the most, 15-now I haven't done it much, maybe like 3 or 4 times. I checked the "i engage in unconcious forms..." because I pick/bite the skin around my nails and it feels soooo good when I rip off a nice piece of skin. :| ewww...

Anyways, how I stopped was uhh... well I just stopped. idk. It would take a long time to elaborate on it all.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

I used to do it very often... It's been a couple years since I've cut myself (I've self-harmed in other much less severe, temporary ways) but my body is still covered in scars even though some are several years old. I still 'fantasize' about doing it and I think I would if I had some opportunities. I'm very ashamed and embarrassed about it all and I can't describe how much I hate having so many visible scars.
(I'm not sure which poll option to chose...)


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I've done it, not for any other reason besides the fact that I had recently watched alot of Twilight and no girl would let me get that close to her neck.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I've never cut myself on purpose. But I have been careless with knives and razor blades, which led to bleeding. Never found physical pain to be a relief on my emotional pain, but I know some people who have.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

no, never.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

I've had sudden and intense urges, maybe twice in my life, triggered when I was extremely upset. But I resisted. Actually I didn't resist, I just couldn't find anything sharp, but I'm glad the urge passed. I don't want a cutting problem. I find it repulsive, but when I was distraught it felt like the only way to release those feelings. 

As for biting, hitting and scratching myself... I did that when I was very little, at around 4 to 6 years of age. I'm not sure why I did that. I guess for the same reasons I was tempted to cut when I was older.


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## tranquildream (Nov 17, 2010)

It was more of a problem in high school, since I was still living at home and would get really angry/depressed often because of my dysfunctional family. Now though since I live alone it's something I rarely get the urge to do. It's usually just an impulse I get when someone close to me rejects me(or just perceived rejection... in various forms). I don't do it because I'm numb, or need to release feelings or whatever. To me, it's me being self-loathing and punishing myself when things go wrong. The main reason though is when I can't deal with or process the intense emotion, I'd rather hurt myself to distract from it so I process the physical feeling of the cut instead.


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## spacebound_rocketship (Nov 21, 2009)

No but I bruised my arm up hitting it against this thing on the wall...It felt good almost.


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## amandarachelle (Aug 24, 2011)

I burned because of an abusive ex bf who drugged me and took advantage of me. It's hard to resist when I get depressed but I do....for the most part


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Not once, not ever. I have enough scars already from falling off things and have never felt the need to do so despite a few episodes of depression over the past several years. It's not something that should be glamourised, take it for what it is..an awful, disgusting habit...not only because of the blood but because of what it represents...self-hatred, negative emotions etc.

My cousin was a cutter, she'd been abused in her early teens by a trusted family friend and she told me the story after I'd asked about the raised scars on her wrists, it's pretty fkng sad, there's gotta be another way to better express your feelings...hell write it in a book, scream into a pillow, get piercings/cut your hair, anything's gotta be better than self-harm.


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## Rest or Real? (Apr 1, 2011)

Used to burn myself. More recently blade work and some starvation. Also used to do a good bit of drugs, I guess that could be perceived as self harm. Damn, also used to get into a fair amount of fights. I must really take self loathing to a higher plane.

I'm really attempting to sort myself out at the moment, working out is a much healthier alternative. Last time I self harmed was maybe two or three weeks ago, my memory is hazy. It's one of those delicate situations that people could never understand without having been there.

I did (do) it for a few reasons, I suppose. I like to feel pain, I like to see red, I attempt to nullify my hurt through more of it. I'm crazy in a cage, ha. All joking aside, it is a very serious issue that is swept mostly under the rug because of its place as a societal taboo.


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## jijiji (Feb 5, 2011)

nooooooo. i was hoping no one would choose "i engage in other forms of self-mutilation (burning, etc) frequently."


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

It is so painful to think back at what I did, It was only a few months ago but I fear that if I do get that low again I could do it again. I regret it so much, it's on my leg that is most visible and going swimming is a nightmare - and on my arm which I put of to an accident I see all the time and am reminded. Self destruction is NOT the answer but I can understand how it can happen, I's wish for anyone who does this to get help or talk through it with someone.


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## Witchcraft (Jan 19, 2010)

I used to do it a lot at the last year of high school, when my depression was at its peak. I still have scars on my inner arm.
I think I haven't done it in the last 6 years though.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

@ The people who don't understand cuttnig...

Cutting is an addictive behaviour, just the same as using drugs or smoking cigarettes. When someone cuts [or otherwise hurts him or herself], his or her brain releases endorphines. These are the same brain chemicals that cause 'runner's high' and are like opiates - which are the same chemicals that are used in cocaine. In other words, your body gets pleasure-causing chemicals when you cut yourself, almost exactly like the chemicals your body gets artificially if you were to use cocaine....


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## Addler (Apr 28, 2011)

I cut an burn frequently--and headbang, but I need to stop that one. I'm glad that I cut and burn: it gives me a feeling of control and strength, and I look on my scars as accomplishments and proof of survival.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I prefer beating myself with my fists. Well, I used to anyway. Haven't done that lately.


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## Snuffy (Oct 5, 2010)

When I was in my early-mid 20s, I began cutting myself quite badly on occasion - mostly on my upper right arm, where I thought it could be easily hidden by sleeves. Soon, I was doing it more often, and would sometimes also burn the same area with cigarettes. A few years later, I managed to stop completely, but still have very noticeable scars and can't/don't wear very short sleeves or tank tops in public anymore as a result.

Cutting and burning served as a distraction from the emotional pain I was in over an unrequited relationship at the time, and as a form of self-punishment over my inability to make that and other relationships happen (mostly due to SA-related social awkwardness and shyness). Also, seeing my blood and split or charred skin was a satisfying relief, in a sadistic way, like: "You think you're hurting now? There, how's _that_!?".

The self-harm occurred almost exclusively when I was drunk and/or stoned, which is when the feelings of loss, hopelessness and self-loathing would most completely flood my senses. It didn't hurt all that much at the time, physically, but once I'd sobered up a day or so later, the pain from what I'd done would kick in and it kept me focused on my body/wounds - away from the emotional pain over which I felt no control. Although I was always careful to slather Polysporin and apply bandages to them afterwards, and put a couple of "stitches" in the really deep ones, it didn't helped much with the scarring. Once the cuts and burns started to heal, the itching was pretty insane, but that _also_ seemed to keep my mind off my emotions, and carefully scratching those itchy, drying wounds was quite enjoyable, too.

After a few weeks, though, once the pain and itching had subsided, I'd get drunk/stoned again and it would start all over - cutting the same spots open again, or burning the scabs off, making them even larger. I was also on Effexor XR at the time and wouldn't be surprised if it had somehow been part of the picture, since I'd never cut myself when I was younger.

Eventually, though, it registered just how bad my arm looked, so I decided that the cutting and burning had to stop. It was difficult at first, since it would happen so quickly - I had to learn to recognize and be aware of those sudden feelings of rage and self-hatred that I'd get right before doing it in order to catch myself. Fortunately, I managed to do it. It's been about 5 years since I've cut or burned myself and I don't really feel the temptation anymore. It sucks that I have to live with/hide the scars now, though, possibly for the rest of my life.


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## ReincarnatedRose (May 20, 2011)

Yes, in my teens mostly.


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