# Have you had anyone assume you are gay because you don't have a significant other?



## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

I hate this. I have long hair ( I wear it long and straight) and don't wear make up and am not really a frilly girly girl type. I like jewelery but I don't wear dresses and skirts because I have hideous scars on my legs from some type of skin infection (doc thought it was mild MRSA). I won't wear shorts because of that either. Because I don't have a social life and I'm not always talking about guys I have had people (primarily women) assume I'm gay and act really uncomfortable around me to the point of avoiding me. Where I live gay women can look like anything from girly girl to very butch, so changing my appearance won't change anything. If I try talking to men, most of the time I have another problem and they think I'm hitting on them (and aren't interested back) because I get nervous!

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it? I don't want to date for the sake of dating but I don't want people avoiding me and gossiping about me either!


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

This is a topic that comes up on SAS on a fairly regular basis. The fact that you're not pursing women romantically should clue them in that you may not be gay.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

In high school, yeah. But in high school, everyone digs for reasons to pick on each other. It hasn't come up at all in college.


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## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

My cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents all think I am gay...or at least I think they do.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I got this in high school sometimes.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

it is most likely they know you are straight but to insult you they will call you gay.

pretty common especially for teens in HS or Middle school.

college though it's different.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Most people probably think I'm gay just because I'm so manly, as though that's a prerequisite to be a lesbian in their distorted minds. I don't really feel comfortable discussing sexuality anyway, so I avoid it when it comes up... which probably doesn't help. I don't know what to do about it.


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

My work colleagues think I'm gay. My problem stems from never saying anything in response to their jibes, so they tend to see this as some sort of admission. Thick bas**rds!


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

To my face....no. Behind my back, yes. I've had both close friends and family assume it behind my back. I always heard it from another friend/family member though. I don't even remember the conversations that brought it up, but they would mention that "so-and-so think's you're gay". My response was usually "I don't care if they think I'm gay". Honestly, people that judge me based on my sexual preferences aren't really people I want to hang around anyways.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

My own mom thinks I might be lesbian, but not because I don't have a relationship. It's because I talk to so many gay guys. She thinks 'gayness' is catching or something, I don't know, but the rest of my family thinks it, too, so yeah... :roll
My mom actually says that if I keep talking to gay guys, I'll 'turn' gay.
Even if I point out a cute guy in a crowd or something, I always get the skeptical look and the 'I never see you talking to any guys, if you like them so much, then.' Uh, I don't talk to any girls, either, if that's the case. I don't understand how some people think sometimes. :con


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

I sometimes get called gay cuz i wear button down shirts n tank tops .

**** em .

In regards to SO nah i aint been called gay cuz of that.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I think people may assume this about me but only once has anyone said it to my face. It was in a movie rental shop with my bro. He was talking to the guy at the counter & I stood there quietly instead of chatting(or hitting on) the gal that was there as well. The guy behind the counter eventually slipped a "What are you gay?" comment which was directed at me. Another chip off my self-esteem



Drella said:


> I don't really feel comfortable discussing sexuality anyway, so I avoid it when it comes up... which probably doesn't help. I don't know what to do about it.


I'm the same when it comes to sexuality, it doesn't help at all


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Not explicitly. I'm not sure what people think.


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## midnight77 (Jan 13, 2009)

i get that a lot. for what reason. i don't know. i usually laugh it off since it's really not that big of a deal.


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## Arkturus (Dec 10, 2006)

I think my grandfather thinks I'm gay. Every time he visits he asks if I've met any girls, and I always ry to shrug the question off without giving a real answer. To his knowlege I've never been involved with any girls(which is true) but he takes it as implying I'm gay, whereas my other family members just realize that I'm really shy.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

seanybhoy said:


> I sometimes get called gay cuz i wear button down shirts n tank tops .
> 
> **** em .
> 
> In regards to SO nah i aint been called gay cuz of that.


Are you kidding? I wish I could pull that off! :lol


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

I don't know if anyone thinks this. One time, though, I was on stage when I went to college during a break in play practice for the college's theater group that I was in when I overheard the boyfriend of a girl in theater group (who I'm quite infatuated with, even now) talking to her on the other side of a set wall. I can't remember but I must have said something or did something demonstrating my straightness (I hadn't realized I was bi then) because he said something like "He's not gay?" in a surprised voice to her. This misconception is understandable though as not only was I guy in theater I had played an effeminate gay man in the only play he'd seen me in (a part that originally for a woman but was changed to an effeminate gay man because they're were more guys than girls, so was REALLY effeminate). I just take it as a sign of how good of an actor I am.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

My mom also thought I was gay because I was never into the dating scene in high school. She was like, "Do you like girls?" Ughhh


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

I'd be flattered; it's more likely they assume that I'm a closeted serial rapist of the elderly or something.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

Yeah, a couple of my friends have asked me. They always jokingly tell me its ok if I am. I'm not, though. Its still embarrassing when people ask.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

For some reason, no one has ever asked me. Even though I'm almost 49 and never been married. Ironically, I am.


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## childofsolitude (Mar 30, 2008)

I'm gay and most people assume I'm straight. *shrugs*


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I've had people call me gay in high school, but I don't know if they really believed it. My friend's dad has implied that he thinks I'm gay. I find it funny because his son fits more of the stereotypical idea of what a gay guy is. I have no idea what the people think at work. They never ask. I would bet that they either think I'm gay or a virgin.


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## solitarymonkey (Feb 15, 2009)

people that have only just met me sometimes do, because of the way i am (if i'm in a hyper mood) and sometimes people i've known for a while as i can be rather flamboyant at times (and pretend to be gay with being very open and "overfriendly" with male friends/colleagues, but that's coz i find it funny, for somereason, peoples reactions make me laugh, especially due to the fact that one of my best friends is almost the same as me in everyway, and my brother is gay (got a bf)). so i dont really help the possibility crossing peoples minds. but i know what i am. i know what i like. and deep down inside, the people that know me (hopefully) know this, too. 
if people are serious about how they feel, i just pretend to be serious too. they think i'm gay, i'll move in to kiss them!! lol. but i wont.


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## bflygirl (Mar 13, 2009)

I am a woman who also does not wear makeup, I wear jewelry but it's hippiesque (lot of beaded bracelets). I don't know if people think I'm gay or not. I was actively dating until Sept 08 when my SA got bad enough to make me not want to try anymore. I don't care enough about what others think to wear makeup, it would make me feel worse to pretend to be something I'm not. Try not to worry about it, people who gossip are generally trying to avoid dealing with their own inadequacies.


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## Medicine Wheel (Nov 17, 2008)

my family things im gay, as do a couple of people i hung out with


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## Sabu (Feb 28, 2009)

I think some of my family think I might be. Funny thing is my brother is gay but they're convinced he is a serial womaniser.


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## espearite (Jan 2, 2009)

Yes, my mom had thoughts I could be lesbian until they were put to rest last year. Regular cashiers, people who've never once seen me with a guy, yes. For instance, I used to go to the video rental store with my sister (and sometimes her friend, also another girl) and at times I'd get this feeling like the people working there were thinking we were lesbians.


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## addictedtochaos (Jun 11, 2004)

Yeah, in high school someone onces asked me if I was gay, and to make it worse it was the girl that I was crazy about at the time.


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## Laconic1 (Dec 16, 2008)

My parents asked me if I was gay because they've never seen me talk to, hang out with, or bring home any girls. The truth is, I was scared of them. As a matter of fact, I still am...


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

nope


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Not me, but a friend...

My good friend Mia had never had a boyfriend when, aged 21, she started to spend a lot of time with me. Her Mum gently tried to find out if I was her lesbian lover or not... oh how we laughed  Soon after, Mia got into a relationship with a handsome, polyamorous, male transvestite. They split after about 6 months but they're still friends, which is handy cos I share a flat with him now.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Yes, I was mistakenly assumed to be a lesbian once when I was younger--but I was in a gay bar at the time!!!!


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## karmakatcher (May 3, 2009)

All the time. My dad decided that a trip to Kmart would be the perfect time to ask me if I was a lesbian......awkward.


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## Ericisme (May 8, 2009)

Ha, yea, it's annoying. My step dad asked me if I like girls since I'm an 18 year old with no girlfriend.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being gay. But I do wonder if people are thinking it in the back of their head.

But the fact that I don't even talk to any guys either should be enough assurance to my parents that I am in fact straight and just a loser that can't associate with the human race.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

probably - especially because I'm always saying how I can understand why women are lesbians and that I should be one.


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## Shannon (May 22, 2009)

When I was at the salon a couple months ago I remember my hairdresser (who has been doing my hair for 10 years) asked me once again as she always does, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I said "no." Her response, "You know time's have changed because in my day if you weren't married by the time you were 25 everyone would of thought you were a lesbian." I remember thinking oh great...that's what people think? It just shows how much people don't understand shyness and social anxiety if they think that you must be gay then if you are single. I'm 23 and straight...just incredibly shy.


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## Ceilidh (Apr 10, 2009)

Well I _am _bisexual so I guess they're half right  my mum always asks me if I'm a lesbian though simply because I haven't had a boyfriend in two years.


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## BrainError (Apr 29, 2009)

.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

it'd be cool if one day society got to a point where a person's sexual preference really doesn't ****ing matter at all and to not base someone's sexuality simply on their behaviour or personality or clothing or appearance etc etc


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

If they're not saying it they're thinking it–-it's just the way most people are.


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## BlueAngel24 (May 31, 2009)

Yes in high school. I would think it was probably because of the way I dress even though I had my times when I would dress like everyone else. Also probably because I have never been seen with a boy or talking to one. There was also one time when I went to the movies with my sister. When I was ordering the tickets the person asked if we were together as if we were dating. I told him no that's my sister. After that my sister and I just felt like that must be what everyone's thinking about us.


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## necropanda (May 17, 2009)

People think I'm a lesbian cause I tell them I don't like guys. I hate girls even more so I came to the conclusion I must be asexual considering I seem to be lacking any motivation to find a relationship and/or sex. That idea just freaks me out lol.


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## bucknut12 (Apr 18, 2006)

Some of my family members have hinted at it with comments. I can't understand how they don't understand that it is my anxiety holding me back from getting a girlfriend. The crazy part is they know I have anxiety and depression. Even though I've done a lot better, does not mean the dating anxiety hurdle has been removed...it is there stronger than ever!


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