# "Afraid" To Spend Money?



## Use Your Illusion (Apr 10, 2008)

Anyone else do this?

Even though I have been working steadily for about 7 years, meaning I have plenty saved up, that I have earned myself and so should be able to buy whatever I like with it. I really worry when I want to spend a large amount of money on something I want.

In the past, it's always been on things like a new TV, or feeling like I should wait for prices on new consoles to drop before I buy them. But currently, there is a concert that I really want to go to. I always use a particular ticket exchange website so I can get really good seats, which means I always pay far more than I should BUT, I have done this for 4 or 5 concerts in the past few years and they are always really great experiences. As long as I am with at least one friend, I can deal with the crowds/travel etc.

But even though I know I will enjoy it and not regret spending the money, I still always have this internal fight before I "pull the trigger" on purchases. Like I am scared that somehow I'll wake up tomorrow and have no money and will need all my savings. Or maybe I feel a kind of guilt for such an extravagant expenditure on myself, when some people can barely afford food, gas etc. Even though I have done it maybe once or at most, 2 times a year. I think part of me feels too that I don't deserve to be happy, so I shouldn't treat myself. And it's always in the back of my mind like, "You shouldn't be blowing savings on concerts, it should be for "serious," "grown up" things like a house."

Hell, sometimes I even agonize over a 99p iTunes download like, "Will I listen to the song enough times to make it worth it?" "Do I really like this song, or do I just think I do because I'm hearing it a lot lately?" Even though it's a 6 year old song and the only reason I'm hearing it a lot is because I specifically searched it out on YouTube to listen to it. :roll.

Anyone else get like this?


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## Ohio Fatso (Mar 17, 2008)

I've had a decent job for about 5 years and banked about half of my take home pay. I'm afraid to spend because I believe I will get fired. 

I need the savings to buy my own place back in West Virginia and prepare for a life of living on low wages. This job can't last. They know I'm awful because of the struggles I have with talking to people. 

When I go to the bank to get quarters for laundry, they ask me if I've talked to one of their financial advisors or whatever. No, I don't want to. I need that money at my disposal. 

Oh, the life I could be living if I spent more. But I won't. 

Of course all this is how I rationalize the money hoarding. I also believe it would be bad luck to live well and spend big. It would be like I was bragging. And pride comes before the fall. I've learned to never have pride, never be proud of anything, take any positives as a fluke and prepare for the fall.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I don't have any sort of fear bad enough to KEEP me from spending money, but yes, I'm always so paranoid and guilty feeling about it! I have this really weird fear of the amount in my bank account going below $1000. $1000! WAY more than enough to pay a month's bills, even in winter, and afford some things for myself. All I ever buy anyway is books and CDs. I'm not out buying advanced electronics or cars or designer clothes or anything. But I still always feel guilty, probably because I'm on SSI.

I made a big purchase a while back and my account is still trying to make its way back to over $1000, I honestly have nothing I should be worried about but still, every time I intend to withdraw or transfer money or buy something I'll log into my bank account, tally up how much the month's utility bills will be (I always generously overestimate, BTW), and subtract that to see how much I'll "really" have available to spend, just in case. I am so freakin' paranoid about this it's ridiculous. But I dunno, I guess one can never be too careful when it comes to money. :stu

At least we're not out compulsively spending...yet! :roll


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## Use Your Illusion (Apr 10, 2008)

Ohio Fatso said:


> I'm afraid to spend because I believe I will get fired.
> 
> I also believe it would be bad luck to live well and spend big. It would be like I was bragging. And pride comes before the fall. I've learned to never have pride, never be proud of anything, take any positives as a fluke and prepare for the fall.


I share that fear of getting fired too. Like one day, they're suddenly going to realise I suck at my job and will fire me.

I agree about the "bragging" thoughts too. I don't like to show that I am doing fine, money wise.



tehuti88 said:


> I have this really weird fear of the amount in my bank account going below $1000. $1000! WAY more than enough to pay a month's bills, even in winter, and afford some things for myself.


I do that too! the 1000 is EXACTLY my mark too. I actually get so pissed at myself if it falls below that. It's ridiculous.



tehuti88 said:


> I made a big purchase a while back and my account is still trying to make its way back to over $1000, I honestly have nothing I should be worried about but still, every time I intend to withdraw or transfer money or buy something I'll log into my bank account, tally up how much the month's utility bills will be (I always generously overestimate, BTW), and subtract that to see how much I'll "really" have available to spend, just in case. I am so freakin' paranoid about this it's ridiculous. But I dunno, I guess one can never be too careful when it comes to money. :stu


I also budget like crazy when I'm thinking about spending, just like you do. Currently with these concert tickets, because the show isn't even until 2013, if I buy them I'm trying to "justify" it by saying to myself, "By that point I can save up enough to cover the cost of them and get my account balance back to where it is now." So it's like I will buy them and then save up for them a second time, retrospectively.

But you're right, you never can be too careful with money.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Use Your Illusion said:


> Currently with these concert tickets, because the show isn't even until 2013, if I buy them I'm trying to "justify" it by saying to myself, "By that point I can save up enough to cover the cost of them and get my account balance back to where it is now." So it's like I will buy them and then save up for them a second time, retrospectively.


Oh my goodness, I understand and empathize with that so perfectly it's scary. :lol


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## yes (Feb 27, 2008)

Use Your Illusion said:


> I share that fear of getting fired too. Like one day, they're suddenly going to realise I suck at my job and will fire me.


Oh, that happened to me, except I saw it coming a way in advance and somewhat mentally prepared for it. The fact that it was only performance based means it wasn't anything personal but it's still clouding my mind. What if I tried harder, went the extra mile, would things have turned out differently? I know I could have done the job, but ultimately social anxiety killed my performance. Don't know if I should have said anything or not.

Back on topic, I don't feel guilty unless I am buying something frivolous or not up to standard, like candy bars when I know I shouldnt' be eating them, or buying a lesser of two evils (because there is nothing else available), or buying something that costs more than I'd like to spend (but there are no other options either).

I treat almost everything I buy like how companies budget things. Do I really need this? What are the reviews? Processing cost vs benefit then. If I cannot read reviews or get tons of information before I buy something then my uncertainty factor goes through the roof and I don't buy it.

A lot of the things I try to buy function dually as entertainment and utility. Like buying skincare.


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

I am glad I found this site. I have a similar problem. What I am about to say is not to boast or brag. I just want to give my background.

My husband and I are in our mid 40's. We have a rather large house paid for, our retirement savings are approaching $1 million, college fund saved for both our children, and my husband will receive enough company pensions that will fully cover our expenses in retirement and some. Lastly my husband has a very stable job that will pretty much guarantee his employment for another 9 years when he plans to retire at age 55.

What's my problem? Well, we thought we would replace our 13 year old and started looking at new cars around $30,000. Suddenly (and this is not new to me) I told my husband that there is nothing wrong with our car which is honestly running smoothly. I get really scared when it comes to spending large amount of money. Like some of you here said, I fear that all our savings may be gone when I wake up tomorrow morning. Or my husband's pensions were calculated incorrectly. I always have doubt in my head. I know it is unhealthy but just can't help it. I believe it stems from my insecure childhood.

What do you guys think? Should we go ahead and buy a new car? Or would you just keep driving the 13 year old one.

Thanks in advance for reading my post


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## yesterdays (Dec 31, 2013)

Not good enough said:


> I am glad I found this site. I have a similar problem. What I am about to say is not to boast or brag. I just want to give my background.
> 
> My husband and I are in our mid 40's. We have a rather large house paid for, our retirement savings are approaching $1 million, college fund saved for both our children, and my husband will receive enough company pensions that will fully cover our expenses in retirement and some. Lastly my husband has a very stable job that will pretty much guarantee his employment for another 9 years when he plans to retire at age 55.
> 
> ...


Well, as a bit of a car guy I'd say go for it.  Seriously, though, it seems that you guys can easily afford the car. A new car is bound to be safer, better equipped, more economical and probably more reliable in the long run, which are all rational arguments for it. So, in your place I would definitely do it.


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

Thanks Yesterdays! I guess we really can afford it. Let's hope I won't change my mind tomorrow:b


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I'm the same way and it's not really a bad thing. Having a lot of money saved up, saved my life when I was suddenly kicked out on the street.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

What I do 

Firstly get a savings amount that will cover costs for at least 3 months in case something happens ( I call it an anti stress fund ) also the account I have charges no fees if there is a certain amount in it that never drops so I save on fees as we'll 

Then when I want something I look at the item in terms of hours 
So do I want that TV it will cost me x amount of hours work ( is it worth that much work) and that is costed on hourly rate of pay minus living expenses ( essential expenses ) say you earn 10 / hr and it costs you 7/hr just to live that's 3/hr savings and or spending money , tv cost ( hyper theatrical) 100 that's 100/2= 50 hours work as the 1 is so you are always saving something . 
That changes every thing on how you spend trust me 

But you work for two reasons 
To live eg food shelter etcetera
And to enjoy so don't ever feel bad about spending money on experiences they will give you a lot more than possessions and a big saving account ( enjoy the reward for the hard work other wise it all seems pointless ) 

Just my way of doing it and works for me hope it helps


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## drayoutom (Feb 23, 2014)

i don't have 'fear' of spending money but i stop myself from buying things because i think too much about it as well. i just think everything is pointless and useless sometimes  which is sad but it's how i am


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

drayoutom, life doesn't have to be meaningless. I was feeling like that too when I was dating a bully. Well, he wasn't really a bully, just someone who couldn't care less about me. Hanging around him made me feel worthless and crappy. To him, I felt like a piece of garbage but to my husband, I am his princess  Since I met my husband, I have been feeling a lot better about myself. He is always positive and smiley. He kisses me every night before going to sleep (even after 15 years of marriage). He would walk straight to me after getting home from work and kisses me too. His actions make me feel good about myself and that I am worth loving. 

Try to surround yourself with positive people. People who you are compatible with instead of trying to fit in with the "crowd". 

Good luck!


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I'm not afraid to spend money, I'm just cautious now because I look around and I see a big screen TV that's barely ever on. I see my Playstation, my PSP that I haven't touched in nearly a decade. DVD player? I don't remember the last time I watched a movie at home. I have no clue where my iPod is. I have a $300 Citizen watch that I don't even wear. 

Looking at all of that junk makes me feel like a complete idiot.

Basically, I've spend too much money on crap I don't really use anymore. Therefore, I'm much more cautious and picky when buying materialistic things.


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

Foe, do you think buying a new car is materialistic? I mean our car is 13 years old and we are thinking maybe to sell it before major repair bills.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Not good enough said:


> Well, we thought we would replace our 13 year old and started looking at new cars


If only all teenagers were disposed of that easily


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

Funny. Because I do have a 13 year old daughter:b


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

sorry to say this but.... consumerism is awful, buying a new car wont make you happier. a high degree of personal wealth is really unethical. people are dying while you sit on a pile of gold. you're a dragon. /rant

but yeah sometimes its important to let go and spend a bit on yourself. i finally bought a smartphone recently, its quite handy!


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## Not good enough (Feb 27, 2014)

You are making me feel really guilty now:| The thing is my husband and I have worked very hard and saving for the rainy days. I think my husband, especially, deserves some reward.


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## Use Your Illusion (Apr 10, 2008)

When I saw this thread posted in again I thought to myself, "I definitely would have posted in here." Forgot I actually started the thread.



Grog said:


> What I do
> But you work for two reasons
> To live eg food shelter etcetera
> And to enjoy so don't ever feel bad about spending money on experiences they will give you a lot more than possessions and a big saving account ( enjoy the reward for the hard work other wise it all seems pointless )
> ...


This is very wise and pretty much how I have started living now. I still don't go to that many concerts/events, although I managed I think 3 last year, which I enjoyed all of. Even one with a couple of people I wasn't that close to any more but had promised previously to invite. I've loved all the experiences I've had, even with anxiety still and wouldn't trade them in for the money they cost me.

I also am now paying off a mortgage on a flat on top of the bills I was paying before so I can't save all that much. But I shall be attempting to go to my first concert alone in about 6 weeks. So I'm still trying to enjoy myself.

I'm working a lot of overtime trying to cover the new mortgage costs I have now and still feel comfortable with what I have left after bills etc.. At the same job as before too, so they still haven't fired me yet . So I think, as long as you're willing to put the work in to pay for whatever you're trying to buy. You deserve it and have earned the right to buy it.


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## yesterdays (Dec 31, 2013)

Not good enough said:


> You are making me feel really guilty now:| The thing is my husband and I have worked very hard and saving for the rainy days. I think my husband, especially, deserves some reward.


Hey, nothing wrong with rewarding yourselves! Also, buying a car for transportation is completely utilitarian, so don't worry about being materialistic. Now, if you're buying a car for showing off then that's a different story. But you guys clearly are not.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Not good enough said:


> Foe, do you think buying a new car is materialistic? I mean our car is 13 years old and we are thinking maybe to sell it before major repair bills.


Definitely not materialistic. A car can be considered a _need_ by most people nowadays, especially when you have work, family and kids.

I commute 20 miles for my job, so having my own vehicle is necessary. 
I mostly work 3rd shifts, buses don't run after dark. On day, I'm scheduled as early as 6 am. Don't think I wanna wait for the bus at 5 am in the morning.


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## Parasitichipotlewrap (Nov 30, 2011)

hm, saving is very important and knowing you have something to fall back on for whatever reason is verrry comforting. You seem to be cautious with your spending's, which is great! you also seem very considerate! 

Spend some money! not like you'll be able to take it with ya once you're gone! not suggesting to "yolo" either. Treat yourself, that's all


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