# Why do you not make eye contact?



## Tfit84 (Feb 12, 2015)

I seem to over think while making eye contact, even with friends. I do not want to come off as trying to be intimidating or too timid. Striking that perfect balance seems almost impossible and drives me insane trying to hit that perfect mark. :mum

If im in a public place around strangers, i try very hard not to make eye contact with other men as they could perceive this a threat in my head, and then i have to deal with a confrontation. 

Why do you not make eye contact?


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

Every reason except the last one, I don't have a problem with eyes themselves. Probably #2 the most though. Worried that I come across as staring at a person rather than giving appropriate eye contact if that makes sense :um


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Lots of reasons. I feel like I might look at someone wrong, I don't want to make somebody feel uncomfortable, I might have something wrong with my face so I always look down or to the side, etc. Every once in a while I might look you in your eyes for a quick sec.


----------



## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

It doesn't feel natural. Maybe I grew up with too much time around animals. Making eye contact is a threat. If I make eye contact with you then you might want to start running. I also make eye contact with someone else feels like a large physical threat than average.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I always think I'm doing it wrong and people will think my eye contact is weird.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Shameful said:


> I always think I'm doing it wrong and people will think my eye contact is weird.


This. Plus being male, I'm afraid other men will think I'm gay and beat me up if they're one of those macho homophobic types, not that there's anything wrong with being gay. And I'm afraid of making eye contact with women because they might think I want to stalk them and rape them. I hope this is an irrational fear.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I also kinda get hypnotized by other people's eye contact. Like I start to find it hard to focus on what they're saying or form thoughts.


----------



## Fey (Nov 4, 2014)

I feel like I'm going to unknowingly give them this look where they'll think I'm crushing on them. I'm fine with eye contact if it's a girl. It's just with guys.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Fey said:


> I feel like I'm going to unknowingly give them this look where they'll think I'm crushing on them. I'm fine with eye contact if it's a girl. It's just with guys.


What if you are crushing on them?


----------



## Fey (Nov 4, 2014)

vicente said:


> What if you are crushing on them?


I don't crush. I destroy.


----------



## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

I avoid eye contact because it feels unnatural to me. I know it's a thing people teach you to do and it's totally normally but it just feels so odd to like stare at people when they speak. :stu


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

I fear they'll think I'm staring at them. I don't think people like being stared at.


----------



## Hank Scorpio (Oct 28, 2008)

It just seems weird and unnatural to me.


----------



## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

It's too intimate. I'm afraid it will give me cooties.


----------



## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

its scary. only time i make eye contact is when i'am about to beat the living **** out of someone


----------



## Andras96 (Mar 28, 2014)

Because I feel I don't have the right to.


----------



## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I used to think it could make them uncomfortable, whether that be due to me being intimidating or just too personal. In some cases, me not making eye contact was due to me being too nervous to even hold my head up straight.


----------



## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

I started to force myself to at some point. Now I do for short periods of time.


----------



## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

It opens the door for communication and I'd rather keep it shut if possible.


----------



## S a m (Jan 5, 2015)

I feel like I'm pretty good with maintaining eye contact while I'm speaking with someone. Honestly I feel like it'd be even more awkward if I didn't. Though, the times that I do have trouble with it is most likely because I feel really self conscious for some reason then I'll pretty much do anything to avoid it. 

If I'm not having a conversation with someone and I'm just out in some public place then I usually don't make any eye contact with anyone but that's because I'm just not focused on the people around me.


----------



## Jocosa (Jan 26, 2015)

Andras96 said:


> Because I feel I don't have the right to.


Woah...you just put into words why I don't look at people when I go on walks by myself...I never really knew why, but I think it's because I feel inferior or something.


----------



## Donkeybutt (May 3, 2013)

Because it feels creepy and threatening for some reason.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Eye contact is perceived as a threat among most animals. Maybe our primitive instincts haven't quite caught up with our cognitive- and social skills.

No human enjoys a person who never lowers his/her gaze during a convo. It's a fine balance between looking at the person, to show that you're listening, and looking away,


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I do make eye contact. I got over that fear a long time ago because I figured if I didn't make eye contact, people would think I'm weird and socially inept, and that would make me feel more anxious.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

probably offline said:


> Eye contact is perceived as a threat among most animals. Maybe our primitive instincts haven't quite caught up with our cognitive- and social skills.


 Eye contact probably should be perceived as a threat. Just look at how most people who value it behave. If you won't look them in the eye, they get aggressive and hostile and try to bully you into doing it.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Eye contact probably should be perceived as a threat. Just look at how most people who value it behave. If you won't look them in the eye, they get aggressive and hostile and try to bully you into doing it.


Yeah, it's definitely partly a dominance thing. Avoiding eye contact either signals weakness or disinterest. The person who insists on eye contact is also insisting on getting someone's full attention. It's kind of greedy(yet understandable).

Also, just think about people who are arguing, and literally getting up in each other's faces, eye to eye. But... that level of intensity is not appreciated during a normal conversation :lol That's just considered crazy.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Anduin said:


> I feel that way too, I've got very piercing blue eyes which I think makes other people uncomfortable. I avoid looking at people in public at all costs.


Are they ice blue? I can't take my eyes of people with that eye colour.


----------



## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

I might not like to see what is reflected in their eyes.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

probably offline said:


> Yeah, it's definitely partly a dominance thing. Avoiding eye contact either signals weakness or disinterest. The person who insists on eye contact is also insisting on getting someone's full attention. It's kind of greedy(yet understandable).


 Well, what I meant to say was that the "primitive" instincts of most animals are often right. Humans tend to ignore their instincts. We usually get away with it but it doesn't mean they're wrong.


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

probably offline said:


> It's a fine balance between looking at the person, to show that you're listening, and looking away,


That balance is something I have a hard time finding though :|


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Worried that the person might find me unattractive.


----------



## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

i don't know why i really do it :| It's just feels uncomfortable, but i used to be much worse before. I often looked at my nails when talking to people. Now i'm actually much better to look people in the eye.


----------



## Onomatopoeia (May 27, 2011)

It depends on the situation. If it is expected, such as in a job interview, I don't have a problem making eye contact, nodding my head robotically and answering the questions posed. If I avoid eye contact in this example, it would be considered unusual, inappropriate and detrimental to getting the job. If the expectation is not necessarily present, such as in paying for goods/service at the gas bar, it is more difficult, due to issues of vulnerability, awkwardness due to prolonged staring, giving off the wrong message if construed as flirtatious, etc. 

Maybe it's me? That's how my brain is hard-wired.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Doesn't feel natural. My parents don't make much eye contact when they talk to me. It's considered normal to look off in a distance while talking. When people look me in the eyes, it's a huge distraction and makes me nervous that they might possibly see my emotions, like fear and overall tension, and that they are scrutinizing my physical appearance. It's just uncomfortable as hell.


----------



## waldorfs (Feb 18, 2013)

Prolonged eye contact is just awkward, I never know if I should look away or keep maintaining it. I usually end up glancing down or to the side. Is eye contact not weird for everyone? What are the rules? I have never figured this out. It never gets more normal or natural for me. It is so uncomfortable to be staring into someone's eyes for a long time, especially if you don't know them well.


----------



## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

I don't avoid contact. I use it to express the point I am getting across, certain looks can trigger different responses and be perceived as talking to someone who a) can assert themselves b) is speaking with sincerity c) I like you d) I can read you like a book or e) it's okay, I understand or f) try me.

It also gains trust and looks less suspicious, as your own behaviour can reflect on to others.

I have no problem with eye contact whatsoever. Learned behaviour, for various reasons.


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Lack of confidence, I guess. :stu


----------



## Conviction07 (Aug 23, 2013)

I don't like the way I look so for some illogical reason I think if I'm not looking at them, they aren't able to see how ugly I am.


----------



## Thegreatdiaphanousmeesha (Aug 23, 2013)

I have been told (by several people) how I tend to look at people "intensely". I haven't been told it is necessarily a bad thing to do, but when I'm told this it is difficult not to intrepret it in a more negative fashion. So, I try to be conscientious of the other person I'm speaking with and try not to make too much direct eye contact. In terms of just passing by people, I tend to get a little overstimulated, which generally causes some anxiety for me. So, I tend to give a brief look and smile because it gives me a level of gratification when I sometimes see them smiling back out of the corner of my eye.


----------



## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

I guess the 3rd one... I don't feel vulnerable but it feels wrong in every day interaction. I make eye contact sometimes when I'm not understanding someone but most often when I am under threat and ready to fight back. I think again part of it is that I need to keep track of everything the person is getting ready to do. I'm not afraid that people will think it's threatening. Instead I know I want it to be a threat in those cases or if I'm just having a heck of a time reading someone which is not normal. I pick up body language and voice far better than facial expression so I don't usually bother with it. However, if my eyes hold contact instead of flicking to pick up expression in various moments you probably should start explaining yourself fast.


----------



## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

I don't really avoid it anymore. I try to keep a good balance though, looking away every so often so I don't look like a creeper.


----------



## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

I give decent eye contact I guess. I don't feel I need to be deep in anyone eyes unless I'm really into you, which I mean a gf or a potential gf. Than again even with a gf, family, friends, people you know well, I don't think you really have to give great eye contact in many cases. Look at them little bit and than look away, and repeat for the whole conversation. Hell you can be having a long conversation with a person you known for ages and barely ever make eye contact throughout the whole conversation. In a business setting or like an interview I would say longer than average eye contact may be called for.


----------



## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

It's a mixture of feeling vulnerable but also the fact that half the time it doesn't seem to me that it's required as much as I tend to feel people expect of me. Also, sometimes it's a focus thing where I'm doing something so I may know where the person is peripherally but I need to concentrate or I'll become completely uncoordinated. Or maybe I'm just weird plain and simple


----------



## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Anxiety. Eye contact makes me anxious and I feel like it puts me in a more vulnerable position. I'm not completely sure why, but I don't like to see the detail in people's faces. It's fine when I'm watching them when they can't see me (like through a screen), but in real life it bothers me. I can make eye contact with a limited selection of people, pretty much limited to people who simply look very plain in the face, but that's about it.


----------



## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

It just makes me feel nervous for some reason. Well, I can make eye contact with some people I'm close to at least.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Try this exercise:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...ment-exercise-for-anyone-who-wants-it-903361/


----------



## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

I don't want to acknowledge all the ****ers in my space... In my way, in my peaceful bubble or simply existing where I'd rather they don't.


----------



## Smallfry (Oct 11, 2004)

I don't make eye contact usually when I've got really bad anxiety and can't bring myself to make small talk


----------



## Steve French (Sep 17, 2012)

The making of it isn't nearly so difficult as knowing when to look away. I often feel that I eyeball people too long and make them uncomfortable. Then I notice this and start staring off into the distance in random directions.


----------

