# Girls, what's wrong with shy guys?



## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

This is a question for the girls here, guys can chime in too if you want. What's wrong with shy guys? Why can't we ever get the girl? It always happens in the movies but never in real life. You're perfectly fine with befriending us and leading us on, but you never like us as more than friends. Does shy/quiet=unattractive? Shy girls seem to like outgoing/"mysterious" guys. Outgoing girls like outgoing guys. Shy guys get nothing. Now I have no actual statistics to back this up, but this seems about right :b lol. 

Am I dead wrong? If so, awesome. If not, please explain why shy is seen as unattractive?


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## nkprasad12 (Aug 27, 2011)

I'm a guy, but I think it's because shy people tend to be socially awkward around most people and so it's harder to make a 'connection'.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

But what about shy girls? Guys don't discriminate against shy girls (usually). But shy guys get no love. Do women just care more about how outgoing someone is than guys? If I thought a girl was cute, but found out she's shy, I wouldn't not like her anymore because of that. Now that might be because I'm shy and have never had a girlfriend before, but still lol.


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## CynicalOptimist (Dec 31, 2010)

I don't think shy guys aren't attractive. As the poster above said, maybe it is harder for them to connect with their love interest due to their shyness and therefore no sparks fly to give the girl an inclination of attraction to him. Also, there is the likelihood that people they are interested in are unaware of the fact they are if they are also interested because these feelings are likely well-hidden by these shy men due to their possible inhibitions they may show socially, and the girl will likely not feel so comfortable pursuing him if it is not very apparent he is interested and girls in general shy away from doing the pursuing usually anyway. Plus did it ever occur to you maybe the shy guy may meet an equally shy girl that likes them too but is too afraid to pursue or show it? LOL This could be likely too. That would make for such a lovely love story though. I can see it...I shall call it...."How Shy Guy Met Shy Girl"...LOL. Hollywood here I come.


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## ratbag (Aug 2, 2009)

I like shy guys. Last year in one of my classes, I wanted to change seats and I decided to sit by this guy who was really quiet and sitting alone. The teacher ended up arranging us to sit together and were in the same driving class. We started talking, and he was pretty much my only friend in school. I haven't seen him since I left school, but one of his friends I met a while ago told me that he liked me. He was actually the only male friend I had that I actually considered going out with. It's disappointing because I'm not likely to see him again. But he might not have told me about his feelings and I definitely would not have either.


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## nkprasad12 (Aug 27, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> But what about shy girls? Guys don't discriminate against shy girls (usually). But shy guys get no love. Do women just care more about how outgoing someone is than guys? If I thought a girl was cute, but found out she's shy, I wouldn't not like her anymore because of that. Now that might be because I'm shy and have never had a girlfriend before, but still lol.


I think the most people, not just women, like outgoing people more since they're easier to talk to. It's probably more that guys care more about physical attractiveness than girls when determining who they like. That's what they all claim, anyways.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

nkprasad12 said:


> I think the most people, not just women, like outgoing people more since they're easier to talk to. It's probably more that guys care more about physical attractiveness than girls when determining who they like. That's what they all claim, anyways.


Well I don't really think that's true. Louder isn't always better. Someone could be outgoing but be a jerk, or a moron, or just a nuisance. Like I don't care if a girl is outgoing or not, as long as I like her as a person and I find her attractive. But I think you're right about the physical thing. Guys do care more about a woman's looks than women do... I think :sus


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Maybe it cause you have no game?

Im a shy guy and i have no problems getting girls.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Meet a shy girl.


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## ThatKidTotallyRocks (Oct 11, 2011)

I guess the thing is, I'm shy too and I'm never going to make the first move into a romantic relationship, no matter how much I may want too. I would honestly faint and never get the words out. The guy would have to make the first move or I would have no clue he liked me that way.


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## Illmatic123 (Sep 15, 2011)

With shyness often comes a lack of confidence.

It's natural for women to be attracted to confidence. In the wild, the female doesn't want the monkey that sits by himself and eats berries in the tree all day....the female wants to mate with the boss monkey who beats up all the other monkeys.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

CynicalOptimist said:


> I don't think shy guys aren't attractive. As the poster above said, maybe it is harder for them to connect with their love interest due to their shyness and therefore no sparks fly to give the girl an inclination of attraction to him. Also, there is the likelihood that people they are interested in are unaware of the fact they are if they are also interested because these feelings are likely well-hidden by these shy men due to their possible inhibitions they may show socially, and the girl will likely not feel so comfortable pursuing him if it is not very apparent he is interested and girls in general shy away from doing the pursuing usually anyway. Plus did it ever occur to you maybe the shy guy may meet an equally shy girl that likes them too but is too afraid to pursue or show it? LOL This could be likely too. That would make for such a lovely love story though. I can see it...I shall call it...."How Shy Guy Met Shy Girl"...LOL. Hollywood here I come.





Estelle said:


> I like shy guys. Last year in one of my classes, I wanted to change seats and I decided to sit by this guy who was really quiet and sitting alone. The teacher ended up arranging us to sit together and were in the same driving class. We started talking, and he was pretty much my only friend in school. I haven't seen him since I left school, but one of his friends I met a while ago told me that he liked me. He was actually the only male friend I had that I actually considered going out with. It's disappointing because I'm not likely to see him again. But he might not have told me about his feelings and I definitely would not have either.


@ Cynical Optimist: Yeah, that could be true. Maybe it's just me having incredibly bad luck :no lol. I've gotten over my shyness enough to ask girls out, but fail miserably. And a lot of girls typically fall for the "bad boy" or "aggressive" type of guy, or even the "average" guy, but not the "shy" guy, but maybe I'm wrong, and I'm the lonely shy guy without a girlfriend :stu

@ Estelle: Maybe I'm wrong then. Maybe the shy guys are just too shy and don't open up :|. I hope that's the case, then that means there's hope for me :lol


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Illmatic123 said:


> With shyness often comes a lack of confidence.
> 
> It's natural for women to be attracted to confidence. In the wild, the female doesn't want the monkey that sits by himself and eats berries in the tree all day....the female wants to mate with the boss monkey who beats up all the other monkeys.


This.

You know, I've pondered for a looong while as to why women like confident guys. And I came across this thought a few days ago. As much as I want to be a dad someday, being a guy who lacks confidence and gets pushed over a lot sounds like a poor excuse for a fatherly figure.


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## Illmatic123 (Sep 15, 2011)

^But you can still fake it. Thats all that really matters.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> Maybe it cause you have no game?
> 
> Im a shy guy and i have no problems getting girls.


You're a rare commodity my friend. And no, I have absolutely no game :no. But I've seen guys with no game get girls before lol.

And I'm talking about shy guys with no game. Cause there are outgoing guys with no game too who can get girls, I've seen it.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I personally don't think anything's wrong with shy guys. But, like other people have said on here, it's harder for shy people to make a connection. I'm a shy person and certainly harder for me to make a connection.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> You're a rare commodity my friend. And no, I have absolutely no game :no. But I've seen guys with no game get girls before lol.
> 
> And I'm talking about shy guys with no game. Cause there are outgoing guys with no game too who can get girls, I've seen it.


Never really understood what is this "game" you speak of...is it chrisma or something?


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

BobtheSaint said:


> Never really understood what is this "game" you speak of...is it chrisma or something?


The ability to make moves on girls. And be successful lol. Something I'm severely lacking :no


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

northstar1991 said:


> I personally don't think anything's wrong with shy guys. But, like other people have said on here, it's harder for shy people to make a connection. I'm a shy person and certainly harder for me to make a connection.


But have you ever found a shy guy attractive? Or do you think you ever will?


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> The ability to make moves on girls. And be successful lol. Something I'm severely lacking :no


 You should ask MrMongrel for some advice hes a member here in SAS
Hes a dating coach.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> You should ask MrMongrel for some advice hes a member here in SAS
> Hes a dating coach.


Wow, really? What's he doing here? Lol. Oh well. All that matters is he's here, I'll definitely do that, thanks.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Shy guys usually have little friends and aren't "popular". That's why they don't get women, that's because they have a low social status.

On the other hand, take Justin Bieber and make him shy and insecure (which he is most likely, considering he's lying about his height and wearing lifts). He'll get more than his share of female attention.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Hopeful25 said:


> Wow, really? What's he doing here? Lol. Oh well. All that matters is he's here, I'll definitely do that, thanks.


 here he is http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/members/mrmongrel-66898/


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

Theres nothing what so ever wrong with shy guys at all. I would pick a shy guy over an extrovert any day.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Nope nothing is wrong..i really love shy boys..i m uncomfortable with bold guys..i like when they stammer or blush or speechless sometimes..that makes me feel confident with them


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## danberado (Apr 22, 2010)

Its just a gender role thing. It's not womankind's fault that society (and biology) has deemed that men approach first. And there are exceptions. It is a disadvantage shy guys have to live with, or overcome. It's not like shy women don't have difficulties in their lives. 

I wish it were true that everyone had a soul-mate... and the capability/fortune to secure that connection.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Being shy attracted a woman to me. She's attracted to these shy flaws about me and for the life of me, I don't understand why. But I love the way she is. I figure the only thing you can do is be what you can be and try to find happiness. I went to a party last night and I didn't say much and this was around all my close friends. I just wonder if my personality irks her out. But it didn't matter to her in the first place. You don't have to have game if you don't want to play that type of game. Not everyone plays the same game.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> Being shy attracted a woman to me. She's attracted to these shy flaws about me and for the life of me, I don't understand why. But I love the way she is. I figure the only thing you can do is be what you can be and try to find happiness. I went to a party last night and I didn't say much and this was around all my close friends. I just wonder if my personality irks her out. But it didn't matter to her in the first place. You don't have to have game if you don't want to play that type of game. Not everyone plays the same game.


Well said. I was once in that same situtation by being my same old shy self. I guess not all girls are attracted to extroverts either.


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## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

Nothing's wrong with shy guys. Both shy guys and shy girls have trouble getting attention. I never got any attention until my current boyfriend, who is also shy. In fact, he got more attention in the past than I did.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> But have you ever found a shy guy attractive? Or do you think you ever will?


Yes I have found shy guys attractive, much more so than outgoing ones. Some guys that are super outgoing can be rude, obnoxious, and be players.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

keyla965 said:


> Theres nothing what so ever wrong with shy guys at all. I would pick a shy guy over an extrovert any day.


What about someone who is extroverted by nature but repressed by social anxiety?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

CynicalOptimist said:


> I don't think shy guys aren't attractive. As the poster above said, maybe it is harder for them to connect with their love interest due to their shyness and therefore no sparks fly to give the girl an inclination of attraction to him. Also, there is the likelihood that people they are interested in are unaware of the fact they are if they are also interested because these feelings are likely well-hidden by these shy men due to their possible inhibitions they may show socially, and the girl will likely not feel so comfortable pursuing him if it is not very apparent he is interested and girls in general shy away from doing the pursuing usually anyway. Plus did it ever occur to you maybe the shy guy may meet an equally shy girl that likes them too but is too afraid to pursue or show it? LOL This could be likely too. That would make for such a lovely love story though. I can see it...I shall call it...."How Shy Guy Met Shy Girl"...LOL. Hollywood here I come.


I concur with what she said.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> Being shy attracted a woman to me. She's attracted to these shy flaws about me and for the life of me, I don't understand why. But I love the way she is. I figure the only thing you can do is be what you can be and try to find happiness. I went to a party last night and I didn't say much and this was around all my close friends. I just wonder if my personality irks her out. But it didn't matter to her in the first place. You don't have to have game if you don't want to play that type of game. Not everyone plays the same game.


Beautifully said. Shy people do not detour me because I understand it and am also that way sometimes.

I believe that if someone really wants someone else then sure they may have shy tendencies but their 'want' to connect with that person of interest overrides many things and energize them to take some action even if it's mental anguish (basically, you become aware that your interested). On the other hand, shyness is not the same as disinterest, which confused me for years. For example, I would confuse my disinterest as shyness in the past, but rather it was a mixture of both being shy and disinterested. I know this because when I am knowingly interested in someone else I can tell and it pinpoints feelings or thoughts that tell me where I need to work on to make the date/relationship, etc, happen. When I'm not interested there is no excitement but only pure disinterest (i.e., boredom, nonchalance, no spark, etc). For me, telling the difference between shyness and true disinterest was a hard thing because I always associated disinterest with shyness in a lot of cases.


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

What do you mean extroverted by nature ? either your outgoing or your not. I dont really think theres a middle ground. I still stand by my original answer. I would almost always pick the shy guys over the loud extroverted ones. 


WalkingDisaster said:


> What about someone who is extroverted by nature but repressed by social anxiety?


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Nothing wrong with shy guys at all. I like them ^^ 
I think it might be that shy people don't tend to send out 'signals' as such, and if they do, they are harder to pick up on. So, where finding a significant other is concerned, the chances are a little lower.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

keyla965 said:


> What do you mean extroverted by nature ? either your outgoing or your not. I dont really think theres a middle ground. I still stand by my original answer. I would almost always pick the shy guys over the loud extroverted ones.


Someone who wishes to be social and is friendly by nature but anxiety stops them communicating. As opposed to someone who has anxiety and wishes to be left alone.


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

Hmmmmmmm. I think i find both attractive. 


WalkingDisaster said:


> Someone who wishes to be social and is friendly by nature but anxiety stops them communicating. As opposed to someone who has anxiety and wishes to be left alone.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

Shy and shy dont go well. Either one or both has to be assertive to at leats get their feeling across. i don;t mean that trwo shy people wont be a great couple, its just it make sit os much harder for two shy people to initiate that first step.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

The thing I hear from women all the time is that they're attracted to confidence, which is something shy guys sorely lack. Of course there are many exceptions, as others have pointed out.


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## Jessey (Oct 28, 2011)

Yer I think your dead wrong, anyway from my point of view. I am unforunate to go to a school where there are literally no shy guys in my year, just a whole heap of arrogant 'loud' jerks who like the sound of their own voice!


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Shy around other people is fine but not around me. I can't deal with silent types.


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## GaaraAgain (Oct 10, 2011)

*I like shy guys*

Hi Hopeful . Some of us girls (like me) like shy guys. It might just be a bit harder to find us because sometimes we're pretty shy too. I think it's worth it though to wait to be with someone who understands your struggles and will understand stuff like why you'd rather stay in than go out.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

GaaraAgain said:


> Hi Hopeful . Some of us girls (like me) like shy guys. It might just be a bit harder to find us because sometimes we're pretty shy too. I think it's worth it though to wait to be with someone who understands your struggles and will understand stuff like why you'd rather stay in than go out.


Hello . Yeah that's probably true. Someone has to show interest and if both people are shy that would be pretty hard. But I'm definitely waiting for the right girl, I'm just getting a little impatient :time lol


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## GaaraAgain (Oct 10, 2011)

No worries, you're still really young so you have plenty of time. Also college is a great time to really come into your own and meet people.

I told my younger brother the same thing all throughout high school and he never believed me. Like you, he is a really shy guy. His freshman year of college, he joined the video game club, met a shy girl who is just like him and they've been dating since February. 

I am 100% sure that you'll be fine


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

^  Wow, thanks. I hope you're right!


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

can you meet shy girls in coffee shops? should I have an e-reader with me or a physical book?


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Maybe because they don't talk much and are found to be boring?


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

I like shy guys as friends but I much prefer outgoing guys as dating partners.
Its because I like the guy to be able to make me laugh and I don't want to be the one planning the dates or outings all the time.. Also I like someone who can carry on a conversation, someone I can take home to the family or meeting friends or to a social scenario and not worry that he won't know anyone because he will be able to talk with other people and make friends. I like a guy who enjoys going out and doing lots of activities and is not scared to try new things. I guess I just want someone who would match my personality and lobve for socialization and adrenaline.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

I guess it is easy for SA guys to forget there is as much variation in women as in men. <insert sexist joke>

I know this thread isn't about this, but I wanted to chime in how much I like shy girls. <3 xD


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## Miss Bee (Oct 15, 2011)

There is an absolutely gorgeous man in my classes with me, but I have not talked to him once because he is quiet and I don't know if he is shy or quiet, but I can't bring myself to talk to the guy. I'm intimidated by his being the silent type.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

The women on this forum are also SOCIAL PHOBIC. So they're shy too. That's what's wrong with shy guys, they act like shy girls don't exist just because they never interact with them.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Shy guys can get the girl...

If they're good looking.


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## OutrageouslyAdorable (Nov 4, 2011)

I'm shy. This is the best way I can explain why I like outgoing guys
"I take--2 steps forward
I take--2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know--it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract"


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## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

To be honest, there's nothing more unattractive in a man than passivity. You can be quiet and shy, but don't walk behind me and speak in a barely audible tone, or else you're automatically going to be sent to the friends and nothing more file in my brain. Women like protectors, and being around timid men puts me in uber irritated mode. Timid men do not protect from angry wildebeasts in the wild, or schizos on the bus. Sounds harsh, but it's nature.


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

bezoomny said:


> The women on this forum are also SOCIAL PHOBIC. So they're shy too. That's what's wrong with shy guys, they act like shy girls don't exist just because they never interact with them.


^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!


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## RockBottomRiser (Jun 5, 2011)

OutrageouslyAdorable said:


> I'm shy. This is the best way I can explain why I like outgoing guys
> "I take--2 steps forward
> I take--2 steps back
> We come together
> ...


Oh lord have mercy mercy mercy 
Di man dem in a di party party party 
Di ole a dem look sexy sexy sexy 
Watch dem just a 
Follow me follow me follow me 
Have mercy mercy mercy 
But none a dem no move me move me move me 
Shy guy a weh me wanty wanty wanty 
Only him can make me irie irie irie


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## fleur de lis (Oct 10, 2011)

For me shy = lack of confidence which can = lack of self esteem which is not attractive to me. (And I think this described me also). I did not want someone bending out of shape for me. I wanted to be with someone who would meet me in the relationship and stand up to me.
Confidence is attractive and being with someone equally shy painful.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Shy guys can get the girl...
> 
> If they're good looking.


Yep. Been there.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

fleur de lis said:


> For me shy = lack of confidence which can = lack of self esteem which is not attractive to me. (And I think this described me also). I did not want someone bending out of shape for me. I wanted to be with someone who would meet me in the relationship and stand up to me.
> Confidence is attractive and being with someone equally shy painful.


Completely false. I'm shy, but once people step over the line, I don't hesitate to let them know.

My last employer didn't pay me all I was owed. I threatened to sue him.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

OutrageouslyAdorable said:


> I'm shy. This is the best way I can explain why I like outgoing guys
> "I take--2 steps forward
> I take--2 steps back
> We come together
> ...


I wonder how many outgoing party girls would quote that song to describe their tastes, though.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

anomalous said:


> I wonder how many outgoing party girls would quote that song to describe their tastes, though.


Dare to dream.


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## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

There is nothing wrong with being shy. It's being pathetic you gotta watch out for.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

There's nothing wrong with being shy, whether you're a girl or a guy.

I think the reason shy people in general often feel overlooked is b/c we tend to get overshadowed by more extroverted people. Similar to that old adage "the squeaky wheel gets the oil", extroverted people draw more attention and are more likely to get noticed. They are also more likely to strike up conversations with people who they feel interested in, which can lead to more relationships, and thus it can seem that they are preferred over shy people. But I don't think that means that they are viewed as "better" than us introverted types, by either gender. 

Of course, in the end it all comes down to personal preference. Some will feel more comfortable around other shy people, while some will prefer the more outgoing type.


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## LynnNBoys (Jul 13, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> This is a question for the girls here, guys can chime in too if you want. What's wrong with shy guys? Why can't we ever get the girl? It always happens in the movies but never in real life. You're perfectly fine with befriending us and leading us on, but you never like us as more than friends. Does shy/quiet=unattractive? Shy girls seem to like outgoing/"mysterious" guys. Outgoing girls like outgoing guys. Shy guys get nothing. Now I have no actual statistics to back this up, but this seems about right :b lol.
> 
> Am I dead wrong? If so, awesome. If not, please explain why shy is seen as unattractive?


I married a shy guy. So I dont think there's anything wrong with them!

Outgoing guys can be too overwhelming at times.


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## Lanter (Aug 3, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> Maybe it cause you have no game?
> 
> Im a shy guy and i have no problems getting girls.


Kennie's a real ladies man, and a man's man for that matter. I can personally vouch for the latter :love2


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## Class (Nov 6, 2011)

But shy/introverted guys are beautiful. D:

You know, this may just be me, but there's something about guys who don't feel the need to talk all the time...


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## mkat (Apr 24, 2011)

Class said:


> You know, this may just be me, but there's something about guys who don't feel the need to talk all the time...


I agree with you.

I think the word "shy" has such a negative connotation to it, ex- most of the posts on this thread. But, I think quiet yet confident is a beautiful thing in a guy.

Almost every guy I've ever dated has been really outgoing, not like me at all, and to be honest this is because these are the guys that hit on me. Not saying I'll date anyone lol but I am more interested in the quiet type.

I would love to date and get to know someone who has a more similar pace as myself. This is the tricky part obviously, someone has to make that first move.


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

I think theres a difference between being shy and simply being quiet. One who is shy is usually characterized by lack of confidence and or insecurity. They may actually want to interact more, but their shyness prevents them from doing so. One who is quiet may be very confident, but just prefers to keep to themselves.


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## pinkfeather (Nov 9, 2011)

I like shy guys, so long as they aren't so shy that I can't carry on a conversation with them. I think a big problem is that a lot of the girls who like shy guys are themselves shy - which creates a bit of a catch-22 where the guy is too shy to ask a girl out and the girl assumes he doesn't like her because he isn't asking her out. 

Before my current boyfriend (who is a bit shy and only asked me out after I gave him pretty clear indications I'd say yes), I only ever dated uber-confident alpha male types because they were the only guys who ever flirted with me or asked me out. While it is unfair, there is still a mindset among a lot of girls that if a guy is interested in you he will make a move, and if he doesn't you should assume he isn't interested. 

So my suggestion would be - even though I recognise this would be really scary - ask out as many girls as you can. Some will say no (often for reasons unrelated to you like not being single), but if you did it enough times some would say yes


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## rahul parekh (Nov 9, 2011)

shy people are nt poor speakers as we all think they generally lack self confidence to xpress themselves once they overcome that barrier they cn lead a normal lyf..


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## humourless (Sep 27, 2011)

Elizabeth419 said:


> To be honest, there's nothing more unattractive in a man than passivity. You can be quiet and shy, but don't walk behind me and speak in a barely audible tone, or else you're automatically going to be sent to the friends and nothing more file in my brain. Women like protectors, and being around timid men puts me in uber irritated mode. Timid men do not protect from angry wildebeasts in the wild, or schizos on the bus. Sounds harsh, but it's nature.


You've just described my personality word for word. I'm totally devastated!


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## Rainbowmuffin (Sep 15, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> But what about shy girls? Guys don't discriminate against shy girls (usually). .


:no I've found that countless guys don't like genuinely shy girls. They do sometimes go for the ones who act demure but are actually quite self-assured and know how to flirt, but personally i've found guys don't like truly shy individuals and seem to think you are stuck-up. Many seem to make quick assumptions and don't give you the time of day. Fellas never want to strike up a conversation with me and the expression on their faces tells me they think i'm unappealing even though they don't know anything about my interests etc. Personally I've found your looks are a key factor, not personality, despite what people claim. Doesn't matter if i'm an interesting person or not, they judge me by my appearance (i'm very waif and small for my age, often mistaken for being younger than my actual age, some think i'm only a teenager, which as a woman is very offputting) and that's that! I had to do a short business course at a college once. There was a small group of us and when we sat in the canteen for lunch we all sat around the same table. When I went to bend over to get something from my bag my knee accidentally touched the knee of the guy sat next to me. I looked up at him to laugh about it and the expression on his face was one of utter trepidation. Geez!!!! Suffice to say I kept my distance after that.:sigh


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## mkat (Apr 24, 2011)

A therapist once told me that some extroverted people can view introversion as being secretive. They might feel threatened and think that that person is hiding something. 

This kinda makes sense to me, but that would have to be a pretty closed minded person to not realize the wide spectrum of personalities and temperaments there are, then again, this may all be subconscious.

I know being more of an introverted person isn't necessarily the same as being shy, but introverted people can come off as shy in public at times. 

I have more of an introverted temperament and I know how I am in public or around friends and other people greatly depends on how much "down time" I've had alone to re-charge.


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## Ricebunnyx3 (Sep 1, 2010)

I actually am attracted to shy guys, but I think it would be awkward since I'm shy and have SA. But a shy person doesn't necessarily have SA. But I wouldn't mind having an outgoing boyfriend honestly. It doesn't matter as long as we could talk and we clicked and we liked each other. But no one likes me, no one ever has. And I haven't had a close guy friend since middle school.


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## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

humourless said:


> You've just described my personality word for word. I'm totally devastated!


 Sorry, but it's true. I can't sugarcoat the truth.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

Elizabeth419 said:


> To be honest, there's nothing more unattractive in a man than passivity. You can be quiet and shy, but don't walk behind me and speak in a barely audible tone, or else you're automatically going to be sent to the friends and nothing more file in my brain. Women like protectors, and being around timid men puts me in uber irritated mode. Timid men do not protect from angry wildebeasts in the wild, or schizos on the bus. Sounds harsh, but it's nature.


I don't like nature :? lol. Shy doesn't equal whimp, just like outgoing doesn't equal bravery. The outgoing guy might not stand up for you at all when the time came to protect you, and the shy guy might (like I would) protect his girl because he likes her and wants her to be comfortable. I'm only shy at first, and in groups. If we get closer, you'd see that I'm not this "super quiet guy" _all the time_, that would be ridiculous. And if I passively asked a girl out, I'd expect rejection. I usually try to be nice when I ask a girl out, not look shy. I think women tend to think shy guys are always shy all the time, and that's totally not true. I think they also think that shyness = weakness, which also couldn't be further from the truth. This is what I mean, shy guys get such a bad rap just for preferring to keep to themselves than be outgoing and all over the place =\


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I like girls that are shyer than me. It gives me a chance to lead the conversation, and not feel foolish for not being outgoing enough.

Outgoing girls? Nah, they tend to get on my nerves.

A girl I fancy is a stereotypical nerd. Quiet, soft spoken, intelligent, classy. I don't know whether she would go out with me, but her personality type I tend to fancy.


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> I like girls that are shyer than me. It gives me a chance to lead the conversation, and not feel foolish for not being outgoing enough.
> 
> Outgoing girls? Nah, they tend to get on my nerves.
> 
> A girl I fancy is a stereotypical nerd. Quiet, soft spoken, intelligent, classy. I don't know whether she would go out with me, but her personality type I tend to fancy.


Really? I hate having to control/lead a conversation. Girls that are approximately as introverted as I am to slightly more extroverted, please.

Nerdy is always awesome, though.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Like I said in another thread, if you want something, you generally have to go get it...and that is extremely difficult for shy guys.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Rainbowmuffin said:


> :no I've found that countless guys don't like genuinely shy girls. They do sometimes go for the ones who act demure but are actually quite self-assured and know how to flirt, but personally i've found guys don't like truly shy individuals and seem to think you are stuck-up.


Yeah, I think demureness is what guys who like shy girls find attractive, but she's still got to have decent social skills when she does talk. I've found that the social awkwardness part (like often not having the "right" things to say) is pretty unappealing to guys too, and can kill attraction (unless the guy finds her very physically attractive).


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## adopie (Oct 1, 2011)

My opinion: I like shy guys, but I would have no idea if they like me or not. 

It's really that simple


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I've always found the introverted male/extroverted female type of relationship fascinating. It seems destined to fail since she'd be inclined to constantly see him as "weak" and "boring" compared to other men.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> I've always found the introverted male/extroverted female type of relationship fascinating. It seems destined to fail since she'd be inclined to constantly see him as "weak" and "boring" compared to other men.


I don't see it as destined to fail. There are a lot of relationships where the woman controls things and the guy is passive and just goes along with it. Not saying the guy never gets his way, men are famous for passive-aggressively saying they'll do something but never do it.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I don't see it as destined to fail. There are a lot of relationships where the woman controls things and the guy is passive and just goes along with it. Not saying the guy never gets his way, men are famous for passive-aggressively saying they'll do something but never do it.


That's... not really hurting my point. She's still seeing him as weak compared to other men; it's just that she basically uses his weakness to her advantage.

So basically if this type of relationship is going to work, she HAS to be completely domineering and he HAS to be submissive?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> That's... not really hurting my point. She's still seeing him as weak compared to other men; it's just that she basically uses his weakness to her advantage.
> 
> So basically if this type of relationship is going to work, she HAS to be completely domineering and he HAS to be submissive?


It really depends on what kind of shyness we are talking about. I'm pretty introverted on the surface but in a relationship I'm definitely not passive even when I was with extroverted boyfriends. Now if you are quiet and passive even with someone you know well, then this dynamic (dominant/submissive) may be more common. Some women don't care how well their partner socializes and is happy with the guy just being by her side.

I don't really understand why a relationship with an extroverted male and a shy female would be any better. If anything I found extroverted guys more annoying cause they are always so busy with their friends and had less time for me. If the guy was more shy and more passive than me, that would be fine. I enjoy running the show. As long as the guy is relatively chatty with me, I don't care if he socializes with others well.


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