# My dad doesn't understand anxiety and I'm sick of living with him



## JennyMatrix (Jul 3, 2013)

Sorry in advance this, might be along rant.  

Little back story: I have been dealing with very strong anxiety and depression for the last year. In March I had to move out of my own flat and back in with my dad which made my anxiety even worse. It got so bad I couldn't go outside without panicking anymore. 
I've started a therapy a couple of months ago and I can finally see myself making some progress, I'm generally happier, I'm not randomly crying anymore, I enjoy going for walks on my own, I can go to events with friends again without panicking and I want to actually make plans for my future.

Living with my dad makes my anxiety worse because he just does not understand what it means being anxious and depressed all the time. We keep having the same discussions over and over again. He thinks I should just "get over" my anxiety, especially when I am scared of the most mundane things because that's just how the world works. It feels like he doesn't see the progress I have already made. He also keeps bringing up how I'm not doing well in Uni because I have barely taken any of my exams during my first two semesters. He constantly asks me if I am allowed to do that, how much longer I plan to study blablabla. I have told him a million times that I have checked about everything I do with my profs and the counselor of my school. In his opinion I should stop studying and work. He just doesn't get that I love what I study and that it is what I want to do with my life but that it will take me a bit longer to finish. I just feel like it is more important to him that I get on with my studies than actually get better. And he gets so angry when we argue, like somehow me taking longer to study affects him in any way. 

My new semester started last week and I'm actually motivated to go to classes and do my best. My problem is that I now live farther away from Uni than before. I have to take a 45min train + bus ride and then arrive at Uni about half an hour before classes start and that makes me really nervous. I stayed at my boyfriend's house who lives close to Uni last week and everything worked really well, I went to all my classes and I actually felt great. 

Then this week I've been back home and the last 3 days I just couldn't bring myself to take the train ride but I have worked through the scripts at home and done all the exercises I had to, so I feel like I have everything under control. But my dad keeps bugging me about it, asking if the classes I miss take attendance, what exactly I'm missing etc. Today I told him that it's the train ride that still makes me too nervous to go and instead of just accepting it he's like "Well, but that's what you need to do, so just get over yourself." He tells me to take the car although he knows I don't drive because I only have vision in one eye. He tells me to try harder to find a new flat although I did just look at a shared flat but they didn't even call me back. I want to keep looking but that brought me down and I need some time until I can try again. 

Well, all in all. I just feel like as long as I don't have to discuss my anxiety with my dad I actually feel good about myself and the speed of my progress. But whenever I bring it up to him he brings me down and makes me feel bad about myself and it just kills my motivation to get better. I'm sure he doesn't do this intentionally but he just does not understand anxiety and depression and I don't know how to explain it to him. 

Rant over!


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## burningpile (Feb 14, 2014)

His intentions are good, hopefully you can get him to understand how this affects you. Ask him what makes him very nervous, then tell him that riding the train makes you feel the same. Everybody has something that they fear, right?


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## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

He's mostly like this because as a parent he wants to make sure you will be okay without him. Like if one day he was gone he wants to know you are able to take care of yourself. It's anger that's motivated by fear. Keep going to therapy and try not to let his fear make you afraid. You guys seem to feed off each other in a bad way. 

Hopefully things will get better for you. Keep your head up.


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## rilakkuma (May 2, 2013)

Sounds like my dad.

I feel your pain, Mein lieber.


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