# No sympathy for her, sorry…



## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

I get into work this morning and the office manager arrives in a few minutes late - looking like death warmed up. She drags herself to her seat and tells me she's been ill all weekend (she wasn't feeling brilliant last Friday either) and she had to cancel all her plans. I think she was wanting me to feel sorry for her&#8230; I just sat there at my desk, didn't say a word and let her moan on about having to stay in all weekend. I think I might have even softly smiled at her at this point (allow me to explain!).

I don't know if I'm entering another lower stage of SA but as I've said in the past, many years of upset and frustration has grown into genuine resentment and anger of other people and their endless perks over what I have - or don't have rather.

Whenever I've been ill in the past, I've received no sympathy at all from anyone at work. I've even been rushed into hospital twice in the five and a half years I've been with the company. One of which involved a visit to A&E - so we're talking serious illnesses here. Anything from them? No. I'm told that someone else in the world has had it worse than me&#8230;  Whilst that's technically true, it's not exactly something you say to someone who's just spent two/three days in hospital. I'm told I should consider myself 'lucky' :um. Therefore to see the office manager, one of the main offenders who shows absolutely no sympathy to my various plights, to see her with what I consider to be nothing more than a minor head cold, is quite amusing.

Those who are regulars to my posts will know I had a minor head cold a few weeks back. I've even caught them on my mobile phone recordings moaning about this behind my back. Apparently I had nothing wrong with me, but now that she has pretty much the same thing I had, it's suddenly a major thing. Quelle surprise!  Not only that, three other office colleagues are heaping sympathy on her. The same people who completely ignored me when I was going through the same thing. So again, there's one rule for the general public and another one just for me. I'm again singled out and this is partly the reason why I feel I have SA in the first place.

Moving on, to hear her having to spend an entire weekend in has genuinely warmed my heart. I probably spend about 49 or 50 weekends in, over a typical 52 week year. Big deal&#8230; Very few people comment on that and if they do, "_there's nothing stopping you going out_" is all I'm ever told. A few things they fail to mention is that I don't have the same paths of opportunity open to me as my office manager or indeed, anyone else has. They have friends who'll invite them out. They'll have friends to actually go out with. Who do I have exactly? I'm&#8230;me. That's it. If I go out, I'll simply be wandering the streets alone. Aye, what great fun that is&#8230; Not only that, almost everyone has the benefit of a duel income in order to socialise, thanks to having a partner. Who do I have exactly? Again, it's just&#8230;me&#8230;and one single, low income :blank. I don't have a magic money tree in my back garden to grow money to spend in pubs and clubs. I have to carefully save over several months to just go out once&#8230; Nor do I have other people's ability to go out and suddenly materalise friends out of thin air.

Again, in the office people are feeling sorry for her having to cancel her plans and spend the weekend sitting at home. She's feeling very low and down about it. Just because she's had to spend one single weekend at home. _ONE_! :lol This is pretty much the story of every weekend for me. How do they think I feel?! Do I get any sympathy? Of course not. I'm told the above or it's simply not brought up at all in conversation. This plight of mine is completely ignored. As a single person, it seems I'm not allowed to have feelings.

Am I becoming incredibly cold hearted towards other people, or is this simply a case of karma to find some amusement out of a tiny, very rare piece of bad fortune for someone else? So, one weekend in the house has seen her receive sympathy for her low mood. Times this by 50-odd in any given year for me and I receive, low and behold, nothing... She wouldn't likely survive two weeks stuck in my shoes...


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## bloated (Mar 21, 2016)

I only read the first few paragraphs but I know what you mean.

In the past I would be very attentive to people, listen to them and sympathise. Now I don't give a ****. 

For me it is give and take. If someone takes an interest in me, want to know me, talk to me and spend time with me then sure, I will go out of my way for them. Otherwise I don't give a ****.

Especially people who have got everything in life whilst I still struggle. I don't give a **** if you bf broke up with you, or if you're anxious about work. They are just seeking attention.

From now on I am in it for myself. I focus on my own life. If it doesn't benefit me, then I don't give a ****.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

She doesn't have her own office?


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Hi @bloated. I'm glad you've said that because there's a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that my heart is slowly turning to stone, but I suspect it's only natural given other people's comments towards me over the years.

If they clearly don't care for my feelings, then why should I give them any of my kindness? What you say is similar to how my mindset has become in recent years. I've been nothing but polite and nice to these sorts of people for most of my life but never had the same basic respect in return. Yet, it's these very people who genuinely wonder why I am the way I am and wonder why I'm always 'negative'. There are some truly selfish people out there.

Hi @nubly. No. She doesn't have her own office. She works about 12/15ft in front of me. I wish she did have her own office though&#8230;


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## nomilktoday (Mar 22, 2016)

Hayman said:


> Hi @*bloated* . I'm glad you've said that because there's a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that my heart is slowly turning to stone, but I suspect it's only natural given other people's comments towards me over the years.
> 
> If they clearly don't care for my feelings, then why should I give them any of my kindness? What you say is similar to how my mindset has become in recent years. I've been nothing but polite and nice to these sorts of people for most of my life but never had the same basic respect in return. Yet, it's these very people who genuinely wonder why I am the way I am and wonder why I'm always 'negative'. There are some truly selfish people out there.


It's truely mind-boggling isn't it, how selfish people can be?

I had friends in the past who I spoke to for years, but once they got partners I never heard of them again. I was thrown away like used trash. I get the impression that I have been used in the past, and that makes me very angry and distrustful of people. I honestly think I may be alone for the rest of my life, it's certainly looking that way.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

I feel you, Hayman. The idea of reciprocity -- treating others with the same kindness and respect that others treat them -- is anathema to many of the brain-dead and hypocritical slimeballs who inhabit this dour world of ours. I had to learn the hard way to be very careful about extending my sympathy to people, since most of them turned out to be self-absorbed, heartless cretins.

"From now on I am in it for myself. I focus on my own life. If it doesn't benefit me, then I don't give a ****."

Hear, hear! For guys like Hayman, I shall always feel great sympathy and empathy, but for everyone else, IDGAF!


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Hi @nomilktoday. Like yourself, I did used to have friends as I was growing up. As each one materialised a partner, one by one they simply cut all contact with me and that was that. I hadn't done anything to upset them - they simply ceased to exist in my life and that was that. However, they remained in touch with mutual friends who had also materialised partners&#8230; Quelle surprise . 
This is what I call the social-tree. Only those who have equal achievements to one another will communicate. Those married with speak to other married people. Those married with kids will speak to those in the same boat - and very occasionally those without children. Those at the bottom of the tree, those few left making up the small trunk, us, are left with nothing and no paths open to them in order to try and climb up the tree themselves. We only have the sheer weight of everyone else who considers themselves superior to us and we should somehow, support them for their benefits/privileges over ourselves. Our reward? We're told that it's somehow all our fault that we haven't had their luck/fortune.

I discuss a similar thing in more detail in my latest wordpress blog: 
https://haymansafc.wordpress.com/2016/03/20/why-am-i-made-to-feel-inferior-to-other-people/

A shortened version of this will appear in my blog section here on SAS over the coming few weeks. Sadly, it goes over the character limit when I tried to post it here - so I'll have to make some adjustments!

It was only when I got to around the age of 26/27 where this become increasingly apparent to me. Those 'above' us in social status are very selfish and certainly won't share the same topics of conversation, benefits e.t.c to people like ourselves who they very much look down upon. This is where I feel a lot of my Social Anxiety has developed from.

Hi @vsaxena. I appreciate your kind words - I really do! I'm not a naturally cold-hearted person. I'm actually quite welcoming and borderline sociable if people approach me with decency and respect. If they don't, this is where I fall down very quickly. This is my biggest problem. I've been too soft with people and they simply walk all over me.

I'm beginning to learn that politeness simply doesn't pay and gaining sound recording evidence of this on my phone of work colleagues talking about me behind my back (if you haven't checked out my mini-series on this in my blog section, I highly recommend you do! It stands at four parts long so far and will provide you with an hour's worth of entertainment) is just making me an increasingly resentful person.

It seems the more positivity you feed to them, the bigger their heads grow and the further back down they look at you. They never actually extend any sort of credit or acknowledgement in your direction and I feel this is what's wrong with society and goes a long way to explaining why we are the way we are. The 'haves' in society get more as they're fed compliments. The 'have nots' are stuck with nothing as they're never rewarded. It's as simple as that. I have no trouble in accepting other people's success if they've earned it. What I don't accept is others milking it for all it's worth, gaining all sorts of attention for it and then belittling everyone else who they now clearly consider to be 'below' them. If people who gain life achievements were to simply be ignored or gain the "_oh&#8230;_" types of comments that I do whenever I feel I've done something exciting or different, then maybe they'd stop rubbing things in our face or perhaps not bother mentioning them at all - knowing they're not going to get another 'fill' of confidence from us.


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## oosername (May 2, 2016)

Hayman said:


> Hi @*bloated* . I'm glad you've said that because there's a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that my heart is slowly turning to stone, but I suspect it's only natural given other people's comments towards me over the years.
> 
> If they clearly don't care for my feelings, then why should I give them any of my kindness? What you say is similar to how my mindset has become in recent years. I've been nothing but polite and nice to these sorts of people for most of my life but never had the same basic respect in return. Yet, it's these very people who genuinely wonder why I am the way I am and wonder why I'm always 'negative'. There are some truly selfish people out there.
> 
> Hi @*nubly* . No. She doesn't have her own office. She works about 12/15ft in front of me. I wish she did have her own office though&#8230;


It comes after years of suffering, watching others get everything in life whilst we're stuck on the starting grid. I became bitter, I admit, and it's hard not to when this stuff is shoved in your face on an almost daily basis. I will rarely do anything for people anymore. Another thing, we are disposed of like nothing. Only recently I was trying to get a reference from a place I was at for two years and it was like getting blood from a stone, in fact, I still haven't got the reference. Why should I do anything for anyone at all, when I get nothing in return? This is absolute nonsense in my book and I don't like being used in this way. Perhaps I should walk into the place with a baseball bat.... it's funny how they can ignore you over the phone or email, but they sh*t themselves when I'm there in person.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

I try not to do things for people anymore unless they are paying me. Nor do I care about their problems because they sure as s**t don't care about mine!
Hate to be that way but the years have made it so.

And I'm so glad there is someone else who understands the lack of opportunities thing because that's something few want to talk about.
It seems everyone has been brainwashed by the "you make your own luck" crowd.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Hi @funnynihilist. Yes, don't be brainwashed any more. I'll explain why below...

Hi @oosername. Indeed! I see we're singing from the same hymn sheet, here&#8230;! This is very much how I feel about society in general these days. We're expected to do all the legwork (if not more than others, in most cases), run around in circles trying to 'prove' to others that we can be more like them - when infact all they're doing is playing a game on us. They want to see us do all this legwork, so they can simply snub us in return - which in turn proves our point entirely. Then, they simply get very irate with us when we point out asking where our reward is&#8230; We're then told we have to do "_even more_" and then the pattern keeps on repeating over and over until you eventually grow tired of listening.

I'm convinced it's just a trap they set to make us more frustrated, rather than seeing what we're saying is true and perhaps issue us with the same credit they give to others for doing exactly the same thing&#8230; The fact that they assume we don't do anything is because of the way we're singled out from the pleasures, but never forgotten when it comes to the criticisms or ignorance. I hope that makes sense&#8230;!

Again, as these demands come from regular people, they don't see things from our point of view. Only theirs. They haven't been in our shoes to see that not everyone in life can just 'materalise' progressions, achievements or friends. There are people out there who really do struggle because of the reactions and stigmas that they place upon the more unfortunate people like ourselves. Until they can see this, accept that they are also part of our problem and drop the stigmas, then I'm afraid were stuck.

Thanks for your visitor message by the way. For some reason, it won't let me reply to it. I can view it but doesn't come up with the box for me to reply&#8230;?! I just thought I'd mention it here in case you might think I was ignoring you&#8230;! Sometimes it does this to me (where it doesn't allow me to reply - possibly a website glitch), but it eventually clears itself up after a few days&#8230;


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

You don't need to feel sympathy anyway. And she shouldn't look for it either, she has to stay at home ? Oh, what a world, there are more serious issues ... in fact, there are serious issues, that's not even serious.


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## PineconeMachine (Jan 17, 2012)

vsaxena said:


> I feel you, Hayman. The idea of reciprocity -- treating others with the same kindness and respect that others treat them -- is anathema to many of the brain-dead and hypocritical slimeballs who inhabit this dour world of ours. I had to learn the hard way to be very careful about extending my sympathy to people, since most of them turned out to be self-absorbed, heartless cretins.


Pretty much this. ^^^^^^


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## 3677 (Apr 29, 2016)

Love you hayman. Wish I could just give you a big hug.


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