# Anonymous Poll: Is it true that men never get hit on?



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

How often do you get hit on/approached? If you're a man, do you think it's a turn-off when a woman hits on or approaches you? If you're a woman, would you ever hit on or approach a man?

On SAS, I constantly see men writing about how they want women to approach them. However, in real life, i've always heard that the man should always initiate conversation with the woman until they are in a relationship, and that if the woman initiates/makes the first move, it's an enormous turn-off. This includes things such as calling back after the first date - outside of SAS, i've heard that a woman should never contact a man first, or he will immediately lose interest.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

yes it is true. And no, it's not a turn-off if a woman does the approaching.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

I think itd be okay if more women made the first move. I don't think its a big deal but idk? Some people assume that a woman is a **** if she does the approaching. As for myself, Ive never been approached.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> If you're a man, do you think it's a turn-off when a woman hits on or approaches you?


Absolutely not.
It would be nice if a girl was interested. And if she was nice and we had a good time together, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her calling or arranging dates.

I don't really like playing games and having to seem disinterested just to play hard to get. I don't understand the point of that.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

*I'm a female and once every few years or less*

In my day to day life, almost never. Maybe once every few years and generally by undesirables.

If I go to meetups regularly maybe a couple times a year a guy might ask me out or try to get sex(after having talked to him for a while). They won't just come up to me to hit on me.

When I went to clubs/bars, several times a night. I only hit on guys when I'm very drunk and at a club and I've only done the direct approach a handful of times. Generally I do the indirect approach. Get the guy to come talk to me but I'm the one that found/discovered him and sort of triggered it. But this was all in foreign countries where I was more of a commodity. I don't think I'd get hit on as much here in American bars and I wouldn't have the balls to hit on guys like that.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

I'm certainly being hit on, currently, as I was occasionally throughout high school, so I wouldn't say it's true. Definitely not a turn-off if a girl makes the first approach, for me. I actually think it's rather admirable. But I cannot guarantee that I'll instantly display or even possess any interest in the person attempting to flirt with me/making the first move.


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## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

Pretty much all the girlfriends I had was from them asking me out...

Either I was too shy and/or just too dense to pick up the hints..
Thank God for women who ask..


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

I never hit on guys in person because I have SA and tend to avoid humans in general.  

I've only hit on guys online because it's the only place I could possibly find a potential boyfriend.

I voted "I'm a female and once a year or more" btw, assuming we're talking about getting hit on in person. Online I get hit on more often though.


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## Consider (May 1, 2013)

It's happened to me, so I guess it happens.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

arnie, is that you?

Men definitely get hit on, but much less than women. In my experiences, I've only seen it at bars or clubs.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

rdrr said:


> arnie, is that you?


I think they are sharing passwords now. For the last couple months it seems.


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## Life Aint No Joke (Mar 8, 2013)

I have been hit on, but it is almost always by older women who don't really have too many reservations about expressing interest. I'd say it happens maybe about once every other month.

However it's slightly unnerving even getting comments on my appearance (not necessarily being hit on) because it happens so rarely as a guy. It's still welcome though 

EDIT: I've also been asked on dates, as a guy... So yeah it does happen. The frequency of that happening is getting lower as I get older it seems.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

komorikun said:


> I think they are sharing passwords now. For the last couple months it seems.


That's cute.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Never been hit on or approached. Its why I believe strongly in taking initiative. After 23 years its obvious no woman is ever going to be interested in me or at least have the guts to tell me. So I just suck it up and do the hard part. Just to fail miserably. But it beats all those years of regret


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Certainly wouldn't be a turn off for me if the female initiated but it has honestly never happened to me IRL ever. My severe lack of confidence and fear of rejection is why I never do it myself. Recently have been proactive about it all however and had a fashion makeover which will hopefully help my self confidence and how I look, and we shall see how it all goes!


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

I don't think any guy would object to being hit on by any women commonly thought of as attractive.
It's just the initial shock you would have to come over and the thoughts that run through your head, "What! She's interested in me? This must be some kind of joke! . There must be something wrong with her to be interested in me."


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

I voted for the once every few years as its happened like twice. That's about it. And I agree with the people so far. I would prefer it if females did it more oftern... Direct or indirect both would be much welcome. That goes with calling the next day, making other dates etc.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

tbyrfan said:


> i've heard that a woman should never contact a man first, or he will immediately lose interest.


That misinformation is still alive and well, is it.

Some day, some time, that idea will finally die.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I have never been hit on or approached in real life. Possibly because my body language is super guarded.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

It's not unattractive if a womam approaches me btw


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

It might have happened once... A girl in my chemistry class suggested that we should go get coffee. I replied "I don't like coffee", which is true. :doh

I'm real smooth...

(It took me months to figure out that it might not have been just coffee.)


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

a girl asked me out once its been about 10 yrs


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Classified said:


> It might have happened once... A girl in my chemistry class suggested that we should go get coffee. I replied "I don't like coffee", which is true. :doh
> 
> I'm real smooth...
> 
> (It took me months to figure out that it might not have been just coffee.)


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This is a long response, so warning...

It used to happen to me a lot from the age of 12-17 or so. I don't know what it was. I think it was because girls weren't approached as much back then and also because I was shy so they tended to make the move but it was almost never direct. I would say most of it was indirect in the sense of waiting for me to ask them out, even at 12 years old. During that time I would walk into public places and hear girls tell others I'm hot and I'd hear "damn!" a lot.

Now.........

That is extremely rare, for w/e reason. I'll still get the occasional invitations. Some girls will say things you didn't expect. Like a couple years ago I was working at chipotle and somehow I was in a conversation with a girl about having kids and she straight up asked me if I needed help with that. Recently, where I work now, one girl finally went direct and said "what are you up to tomorrow? We should hang out", but she will never text or call me for some reason. Nearly all the girls who approach me or make signals are the girls I'm not that interested in. But it doesn't happen often anymore.

I think it's true that girls are more prone to give signals rather than ask bluntly like the last girl who asked me, but I've seen plently of girls do stuff that put guys to shame. Some girls have more balls than guys! I've seen girls straight up approach stranger guys and start talking. I've seen girls holler out windows at guys. I've seen girls straight offer sex to guys (I've had it offered to me a couple times in the past). I know all this might make me seem like a stud but I get rejected constantly and I know for certain most girls I approach won't want to date me for w/e reason. I think a lot of what made me see the time as "always being wanted" was _because I never got rejected because I never approached!_ If I had approached back then I would of got rejected a lot and maybe I wouldn't of looked at that time like I do now.

I think it is more common guys approach girls because I think it is more socially acceptable and people just go with that, but girls do approach. I think it is pretty common actually. For some reason it doesn't get as much publicity though.

In the end, I am far happier approaching and making the moves, even if I'm rejected. I get more dates now than I did when I had girls approach me all the time. I didn't date much when I was younger because I was scared, but every opportunity I had girls would end up dumping me, even after they approached me, because I wouldn't take initiative. They would assume a feminine role most the time and I didn't know how to react and they dumped me, and it happened over and over and over again. But when I think about it now, I think it had to do more with my insecurities and lack of effort or avoidance that made them dump me.

So yeah, girls approach a lot from my perspective. I think more girls do it indirectly than guys though, but not all. I think guys get more publicity for it, for w/e reason. If you hang out with a universally good looking person, regardless of their sex, you will see that girls approach a lot or make lots of comments. _ If all things were equal--and they aren't--then as a random maybe-wrong or maybe-right observation, a girl and a guy are on the same caliber of attractiveness, the girl will get approached at least 2x as in a short duration, and over a lifetime that girl will get approached way, way way, way, way much more than the same caliber of man. Why? I'm not sure if it is biology or social conditioning, but if I were to guess, I'd say both._ On a whole, girls get approached much, much more, even if there caliber of attraction is matched with a man's, and I firmly believe this. It tends to work out in some ways though, ironically. There seems to be a check and balances when it comes to the sexes, as in, a woman is more scrutinized for doing what a man does, and a man is honored more for taking action. I think this is a check and balances thing in the sense that too much power is a "bad thing"; hence, the "****" fear from girls and the "***** complex = winning" for men. Women tend to get sex much easier than men, so it kind of makes sense men would be honored for achieving it, especially in a world where there usually is an "alpha" male would gets to mate with all the females, as if this is what seems natural in the animal kingdom. In biology, the one who has the most to invest on raising offspring tends to be the selector. Women are more invested because of incubation.

I just realized I contradicted myself more ways than one on this long *** post. I actually am not really sure if women get approached way more or if it is based on a looks thing. I personally feel they do.

I didn't vote on the poll because this depends on a lot of situations.


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## lde22 (Oct 19, 2009)

I'm a guy and I've never gotten directly approached/picked up by a girl. Like a girl has never came up to me and asked me on a date or anything. But there have been a few rare occasions when a girl was obviously trying to "make a move" on me. One example, in high school this one girl in on of my classes tried all semester to get me to sleep with her (I would have but I was too scared too), and she made it extremely obvious. Another example, when I worked at my Dads watch booth inside a jewelry store, this girl who worked at another booth came up to my booth and asked if I was hungry and wanted to go to McDonalds, when I said that I wasn't hungry, she kept asking these weird questions, even asking if it was safe to go to McDonalds by herself when it was just across the street. I didn't realize it at the time but I guess she was trying to get me to go to McDonalds with her. The only way I knew that is what she was doing is another female worker from another booth came up and was saying how cute it was that she was "hitting" on me.

Also, in middle school I had 3 girlfriends (not at the same time) and one of them asked me out directly to a school dance, and the other two their friends asked me to ask them out.

So girls rarely directly ask guys out, but I do think they take the initiative quite a lot, or at least try to make it obvious that they want to be asked out by guys. And no I don't think it is a turn off, actually I think it's a big turn on, but I am always too scared to do anything.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Nah that ain't true.

S/A men with poor maintenance probably never get hit on. I don't believe in people just looking ugly as they are, it's more how they dress and how they present themselves.

I consider myself a very ugly guy but I work out and have a good body, wear clothes that match my stocky / broad shoulder build and ain't afraid to joke around with EVERYONE and not take myself seriously and you know what?

Girls hit on me aplenty, I've had them touch my gently on my chest, poke me in the biceps and give a flirty smile.

It's more how confident you are with yourself and the standards you're willing to uphold yourself to that will draw the opposite gender to yourself.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I've been approached by girls, but only to make sarcastic comments towards me.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Many times, but mostly indirectly.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> However, in real life, i've always heard that the man should always initiate conversation with the woman until they are in a relationship, and that if the woman initiates/makes the first move, it's an enormous turn-off. This includes things such as calling back after the first date - outside of SAS, i've heard that a woman should never contact a man first, or he will immediately lose interest.


Who comes up with this stuff? I happen to like assertive women. We can't read women's minds, so calling back after a first date shows she at least enjoyed herself, which is more motivation to go on another one. Outdated gender expectations such as this one really need to go. It doesn't make you less of a man if a woman is the one asking you out.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

I would and I have.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I think for a guy to be hit on by a woman, he would have to be notably attractive, and not just physically. He would have to rise above her normal standards to a point where he seems very desirable and stands out amongst the crowd. In a room of 10 likable guys, a woman might be willing to date 9, but she'd only hit on 1.

Society has raised women to believe that relationships are lead by men. Men pursue, men propose, men provide, men protect, etc. This is archaic and should not be the case. Any self-respecting woman should be fine with the idea of initiating courtship.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Often. I work in a cocktail bar where a large part of the clientele is made up of women and gay men, so it's kind of inevitable. 

To the men who insist on denying that this never happens; it's about context and presentation. No you probably won't get hit on randomly in the street, but you shouldn't want or expect to. That whole PUA cold approach thing is a gross violation of privacy. The issue here is also that a lot of men conflate borderline sexual harassment with getting hit on. Being catcalled or being stared at in a bar is not the same as flirting.

I'm not trying to argue that it's as common for men as it is for women, of course not. But the agenda being pushed, the implication that it's easier for women than it is for men, is missing the point.


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## LERZZZ (Aug 21, 2013)

Guys in high school/middle school tormented me for asking boys out. Whatever. If I want something I go after it, as long as their single, of course. So no, it's not true men never get hit on, it's just that most women have been discouraged to do so because someone (stupid) told them that men don't like that. If a man can't handle you approaching him, he's not a real ****ing man anyway.


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## LERZZZ (Aug 21, 2013)

*they're single


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I would like it if the woman did the approaching. Iv approached women before, so it would be nice if it happened the other way round.

My stat's:

Approx 10 years of going to town (usually the pub) in the daytime about twice a week. Which is 1040 visits to town, never had a woman approach me (Im not a bad looking guy and cant say in all those visits to town, that not 1 woman fancied me).

Twice I have been approached when out clubbing (I stopped clubbing years ago). However both times we spoke, kissed, exchanged numbers and I never heard from them again. 

Online, women don't really ever approach guys. Yea you have the few that will message any guy "hey" who looks hot in their picture, but they will likely stop messaging you after a few messages. It's double standards by far. If a guy sends a message that just contains "hey", theres no way he will get a reply. However women who do it are guaranteed a reply. Have even seen many girls profile's who say if you like them, get in touch because they never message anyone first


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

People like being approached by people they are attracted to. If you're not attracted to the person then it can be awkward to be hit on.

For a person being rejected, I suspect _"I was too forward"_ is easier to live with than _"he/she just wasn't attracted to me"._


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I get hit on by men a lot.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

bwidger85 said:


> It used to happen to me a lot from the age of 12-17 or so. I don't know what it was.


I noticed this too. In early and mid teens, girls would be very forward and aggressive in trying to get a boyfriend, but after a few years that would cease. I've come up with my own half-baked theories about why this is, based on my own, admittedly very limited experience:

I think for girls in their early teens there is an _enormous_ amount of pressure from their female peers to have a boyfriend. I suspect the pressure is much more intense than it is for boys at the same age. A boyfriend is the absolute must have item to be seen to have.

A lot of girls at that age do seem to go certifiably 'boy-crazy' for a little while, and I suspect that is partly because of the way they relate to their same-sex peers.

My theory about why this drops off after a few years is:

1) Girls mature quicker, become more independent-minded and stop caring so much what their peers think of them, and 
2) The experiences they have pretty early on put them off doing the approaching, i.e. they experience a few rejections or heartbreaks and think "Well I've tried, and look what happened!" "He can come to me from now on."

Either that, or what little looks I did have have deteriorated over the years? :stu Seems likely.

I welcome a female critique of my theories 

(although I think 'theory' is far too grand a word for that babble^...'hunch', maybe)


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

When I was in uni it happened quite a lot - it was a stereotypical 'college town' where half the population were pretty much students. I would get cold approached by gay dudes and sexually aggressive women - and I actually prefered the blokes (although I don't really swing that way) because at least they would be polite and could take a rejection well. I didn't even realise most of the time that the dude was gay or hitting on me at first, it just seemed like a pleasant conversation :b

The women were always much less savoury; they would get really close, get touchy feely and literally eye ball me the entire conversation :blank (not my cup of tea thank you very much) Sometimes though it would be weirder, like they were trying to get my attention, but didn't want to make a genuine approach. I remember being in a super market looking at some random product and some lass slides right next to me looking over every few seconds. I quickly put the item in my basket and move to another aisle - but she follows and does the exact same thing ! This kept happening pretty much every time I move around the store - I eventually just left my basket where it was and walked out of there.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> How often do you get hit on/approached? If you're a man, do you think it's a turn-off when a woman hits on or approaches you? If you're a woman, would you ever hit on or approach a man?
> 
> On SAS, I constantly see men writing about how they want women to approach them. However, in real life, i've always heard that the man should always initiate conversation with the woman until they are in a relationship, and that if the woman initiates/makes the first move, it's an enormous turn-off. This includes things such as calling back after the first date - outside of SAS, i've heard that a woman should never contact a man first, or he will immediately lose interest.


I answered never even though it kind of happened once. Hot girl asked me if I would like to go out with her sometime. I set something up and she stood me up.



Sacrieur said:


> I get hit on by men a lot.


 That should be another poll.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Cant believe most women who have voted so far are saying never :O. I always thought of it as women get hit on loads, no matter how hot or not they are.

When I had friends (too many years ago). I knew this girl. She was a friend, nothing more. She wasnt attractive (if rating scale comes into it... 1 out of 10 would be my scoring) but had a good personality and we would have a laugh going to the pub.

Male friends of mine we randomly saw in town would assume she was my girlfriend and they would tell me in private "what are you doing? You can get someone so much hotter than her". I had to correct them and say we were only mates.

This girl would still be hit on loads though. Bar guy's would get flirty, some guy at a bus stop chatted to her and asked for her number and she was never really without offers.

I thought the attitude in general with women was if 1 guy doesnt approach and chat her up, then the woman wont care because there will be another round the corner who will.


My only place to try chatting up women is the pub. I go on my own as I have no friends. Women don't tend to go on their own to pubs and are usually in groups. On a few occasions, 1 of the girls in their group have been looking and smiling at me.... A good sign they are interested... but they never once approach me.

Even if I didnt have SA, it would be a challenge going up to the group that probably consist of women that think im ugly, and 1 that fancies me. 

If the shoe was on the other foot and I was with a group of mates and some girl on her own saw that I possibly fancied her and she liked the look of me, she would never come over and approach me


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I think for girls in their early teens there is an _enormous_ amount of pressure from their female peers to have a boyfriend. I suspect the pressure is much more intense than it is for boys at the same age. A boyfriend is the absolute must have item to be seen to have.
> 
> A lot of girls at that age do seem to go certifiably 'boy-crazy' for a little while, and I suspect that is partly because of the way they relate to their same-sex peers.


Yes, the pressure to have a boyfriend is enormous, which is at its worst from early middle school to early high school (around ages 11-15). I think boy-craziness has little to do with peer relations and most to do with puberty; girls' hormones are raging, and they are just beginning to find themselves sexually attracted to boys, so naturally they want to experience having a boyfriend because it makes them feel mature.



> My theory about why this drops off after a few years is:
> 
> 1) Girls mature quicker, become more independent-minded and stop caring so much what their peers think of them, and
> 2) The experiences they have pretty early on put them off doing the approaching, i.e. they experience a few rejections or heartbreaks and think "Well I've tried, and look what happened!" "He can come to me from now on."


I hate to break it to you, but the first theory is so wrong. :lol Girls are far less independent-minded than boys far into adulthood - most women are extremely concerned about what their peers think of them. The self-consciousness and judgment never really ends for most.

I think your second theory makes a lot of sense. Early experiences, especially negative ones, can leave a long-term impact on someone's life. Most people get rejected at one point, and preteen/teen boys can be extremely harsh to girls who like them that they don't like back. They are especially harsh when they find the girl unattractive. I've mentioned on SAS before about being bullied by guys extensively in middle school and high school for having a crush on them, just because they thought I was ugly. (Keep in mind, I never approached - they just found out through another person who couldn't keep a secret.) They often felt the need to bully me for my looks. One guy even told me I would never be pretty enough for him or anyone. This is one of the reasons why I would never make any hints to a guy that I had a crush on him.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

To the op: when you say hit on do you mean like someone asking to go out on a date with you?


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## Anonyone (Aug 21, 2013)

I've never hit on a guy and I'm far too shy to ever try to do so. My senior year of HS was when I'd done the most courageous thing I ever did: ask a guy I had a crush on to sign my yearbook. And only because we'd been randomly paired up earlier in the year to work on an English project together, so he was at least familiar with me. Besides, I suspect that most of the guys I'm attracted to are probably already taken or way out of my league. The HS guy was a really handsome blonde guy who happened to be on the football team and was fairly popular, but he didn't have a stereotypical I'm-better-than-everyone attitude. The football team/popularity was incidental, his appearance falls in line with a couple trends I'm aware that I have (I like a disproportionate number of blondes but it's not any kind of "requirement" for physical attraction) and his attitude were most attractive to me. Had it not been for that project, we never would've spoken.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> To the op: when you say hit on do you mean like someone asking to go out on a date with you?


Yeah, that counts too.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

KelsKels said:


> I think itd be okay if more women made the first move. I don't think its a big deal but idk? Some people assume that a woman is a **** if she does the approaching. As for myself, Ive never been approached.


Ofcourse it is okay. How can you be a **** for just approaching? Then every woman would be a ****, because you all have to approach someone atleast once in a while.. It's a really weird stereotype. I believe it is one of the most used excuses of this Century.

I have never been approached or hit on in my life. And I would not just love it; I would be flattered and would'nt hesitate to do the right thing, wether it is the unfortunate act of rejection or taking the lead from there. I would have much more respect, as an equal, for a confident woman.


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## Anonyone (Aug 21, 2013)

pete24 said:


> Cant believe most women who have voted so far are saying never :O. I always thought of it as women get hit on loads, no matter how hot or not they are.


We do? I don't fool myself by saying I'm any sort of attractive. The only thing that comes close to being "hit on" for me was in elementary school when I got a "secret admirer" letter that asked me to meet the sender at recess. Part of me thought it was a cruel joke, another was curious to know if it was legit, but I was afraid of not returning this person's feelings if it was, so I never met up at the requested spot and time. I've never been officially asked out and I even went to Prom solo because I like an excuse to put on a fancy dress. I ended up seeing some female friends who also went without dates and we hung out together. No magic "may I have this dance?" like in the movies though.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

When I was in school twice I got told by girls that they liked me or thought I was cute.


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

I've never been hit on although I wouldn't expect otherwise considering I'm not good looking and don't get out much.

And yeah, the idea that a woman who approaches is a **** or desperate is ridiculous. I'm sure most guys would be pleased if a woman asked them out. It's only really sexist neanderthals who believe in traditional gender roles that chastise women who do so.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Working in a restaurant this does happen from time to time, especially when they've been drinking. I usually don't know how to react, though.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Yes, the pressure to have a boyfriend is enormous, which is at its worst from early middle school to early high school (around ages 11-15). I think boy-craziness has little to do with peer relations and most to do with puberty; girls' hormones are raging, and they are just beginning to find themselves sexually attracted to boys, so naturally they want to experience having a boyfriend because it makes them feel mature.


Thanks for the feedback  Oh yeah, I certainly wouldn't want to discount the hormonal changes. Obviously I have no idea what those hormones are like, but they seem pretty full-on. When I say that girls in early adolescence go "Boy-crazy" I really do mean _crazy_! It's frightening :shock



> I hate to break it to you, but the first theory is so wrong. :lol Girls are far less independent-minded than boys far into adulthood - most women are extremely concerned about what their peers think of them. The self-consciousness and judgment never really ends for most.


haha well my theories can't all be gold  Perhaps I should have said only relatively independent-minded when compared to the earlier teen years. You're right. 
I will say that I do think teen girls do mature emotionally and socially faster than guys of the same age do, though. 
When I was an arrogant teen I always used to get annoyed when people would say "girls are so much more mature than guys at your age" - it seemed patronising to me. But then when I got older, and particularly when I started working in a high school a few years ago, I realised it's actually very true. Girls are much more mature than guys of the same age, in the mid teens especially.

They definitely do stop being as aggressive (relatively speaking) and forward as when they are earlier teens though, not sure why. Probably just maturity



> I think your second theory makes a lot of sense. Early experiences, especially negative ones, can leave a long-term impact on someone's life. Most people get rejected at one point, and preteen/teen boys can be extremely harsh to girls who like them that they don't like back. They are especially harsh when they find the girl unattractive. I've mentioned on SAS before about being bullied by guys extensively in middle school and high school for having a crush on them, just because they thought I was ugly. (Keep in mind, I never approached - they just found out through another person who couldn't keep a secret.) They often felt the need to bully me for my looks. One guy even told me I would never be pretty enough for him or anyone. This is one of the reasons why I would never make any hints to a guy that I had a crush on him.


Wow!  I've heard people mention similar experiences with young guys before, so I don't disbelieve it, but it's always shocking to hear. I went to one of those awful single-sex schools (and good lord, does it show!) so I never really witnessed the way guys treat girls at that age.

I can't really understand why they would say and do things like that, as even the thought of saying something like that to a girl when I was that age would have made me almost die of embarrassment! It's baffling behaviour to me. Not that I don't believe they do it, I just don't know why?

I can only assume it must be some sort of perverse defence mechanism on the guys part, or a kind of "look how confident, macho and hi-value I am" sort of thing......or maybe they're just sh*ts?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

It happened once... as a prank.


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## Anonyone (Aug 21, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Early experiences, especially negative ones, can leave a long-term impact on someone's life. Most people get rejected at one point, and preteen/teen boys can be extremely harsh to girls who like them that they don't like back. They are especially harsh when they find the girl unattractive. I've mentioned on SAS before about being bullied by guys extensively in middle school and high school for having a crush on them, just because they thought I was ugly. (Keep in mind, I never approached - they just found out through another person who couldn't keep a secret.) They often felt the need to bully me for my looks. One guy even told me I would never be pretty enough for him or anyone. This is one of the reasons why I would never make any hints to a guy that I had a crush on him.


You're right about the level of cruelty kids can inflict, but I'd say it happens even earlier than just tween/teen. Kids were starting to have crushes back in my elementary school. I made the mistake of telling my best friend who mine was (she begged me to and I was stupid to trust her) and she wasted no time in telling the class as soon as recess was over. Both I and my crush were mercilessly made fun of. And earlier that same year was when I was cruelly mocked for my crooked teeth in my yearbook photo. Before that, I was not self conscious at all about my teeth.

When I got to middle school my computer teacher (by that point I had shied so far away from interacting with my peers that I was more friendly with teachers and would eat lunch in their classrooms if I could, which was largely shaped by the elementary school ridicule) told me about a girl who had, a few years earlier, told a boy she liked him. He then gave her a quarter and told her, "Call someone who cares." Apparently the boy's mother found out, was furious, and accompanied him to school in person to have him publicly give the girl a bouquet of roses to apologize.

Like you, I just keep my crushes to myself now. I couldn't stand feeling that humiliated again. I know a lot of people say you never know if you don't take a chance, but I don't gamble for the same reason I'm not open with people. I'd rather maintain what I have then open myself up to such high risks of losing. It's frustrating, but I'm usually able to accept that this is just the way it has to be for me. Much respect for people who can accept the risk, but I'm not one of them.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't approach guys at bars or in that type of scenario, and, TBH, I don't like being approached either. It's been my experience that nothing meaningful ever arises from these interactions. Maybe some mindless conversation to waste time and definitely a momentary sense of flattery, but that's it. Aside from bars, I don't get hit on ever. 

This type of cold approach was common in the states, but not here. When I go out with friends (usually like 3-4 times a month) it's usually the friend of a friend who'll approach me/try to start a conversation with me.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

All you have to do is go to a bar and stay long enough to see it happen. I think most go for what they already feel comfortable with in their social circle. Most people seem pretty relentless within a social circle context.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> All you have to do is go to a bar and stay long enough to see it happen. I think most go for what they already feel comfortable with in their social circle. Most people seem pretty relentless within a social circle context.


Was this referencing my post? I'm not sure what you mean.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Was this referencing my post? I'm not sure what you mean.


No, it was not referring to your past. I just posted it as another response to the thread in general. I can't speak about where you are from, and when I talk of instances in bars, I mean from the U.S.. Of course, it doesn't ALWAYS happen the way I described, but I venture to bet if you were to diligent in your search you'd see it happen a lot in bars, at least in the states.

news flash to me: Caribbeans are considered part of the U.S. durrr...or parts...this i am ignorant of


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

I would have never had a gf if it didn't happen. I don't get hit on often it's more. It happened a lot to me that people come tell me that this girl is interested in me, but I never was able to make a move on a girl in my life.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

I can't remember the last time a girl tried to hit on me, so I voted for never.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

This poll confirms it: 80% of SAS are men :um


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Milco said:


> This poll confirms it: 80% of SAS are men :um


Or maybe men are more drawn to these sex/romance polls.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Or maybe men are more drawn to these sex/romance polls.


I think there probably are quite a few women who don't want to vote, though I wouldn't say men are drawn to them as such.
The thread title might also make some avoid the thread, though it seems to have gotten a fair few views still.


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## mahnamahna (Apr 10, 2013)

This is not true... I had a bubbly 9th grader (3 years younger than me) hit on me the first day of school but I think she realized I'm inexperienced and have SA so she ran for the hills


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

rdrr said:


> arnie, is that you?
> 
> In my experiences, I've only seen it at bars or clubs.


That's because they're usually ****-faced.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

mahnamahna said:


> This is not true... I had a bubbly 9th grader (3 years younger than me) hit on me the first day of school but I think she realized I'm inexperienced and have SA so she ran for the hills


I've had this happen to me numerous times. Girls showed interest because they thought I was "hot" and "mysterious" because I never spoke and seemed oblivious to their attention, then they finally saw that I was just insecure and a prude and they no longer wanted me. This situation takes a larger hit on my self-esteem then if I approached someone and she wasn't interested.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

kiirby said:


> No you probably won't get hit on randomly in the street, but you shouldn't want or expect to. That whole PUA cold approach thing is a gross violation of privacy. The issue here is also that a lot of men conflate borderline sexual harassment with getting hit on. Being catcalled or being stared at in a bar is not the same as flirting.


Yeah, I agree. Especially with the last part about people conflating flirting with sexual harassment. Like some people genuinely do not seem to get the difference between a group of men yelling "HEY BABY NICE ****" as they drive by and a man actually asking a woman out to dinner. Hey baby nice **** isn't a marriage proposal, or an invitation to dinner and a movie. And it doesn't mean that the person receiving that kind of attention is any less lonely at the end of the day.

But some people just don't understand the difference between positive and negative attention. Or that some forms of attention genuinely do make others uncomfortable, even if it is meant to be complimentary. Intention means nothing when the end result causes discomfort in another person.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

au Lait said:


> Yeah, I agree. Especially with the last part about people conflating flirting with sexual harassment. Like some people genuinely do not seem to get the difference between a group of men yelling "HEY BABY NICE ****" as they drive by and a man actually asking a woman out to dinner. Hey baby nice **** isn't a marriage proposal, or an invitation to dinner and a movie. And it doesn't mean that the person receiving that kind of attention is any less lonely at the end of the day.
> 
> But some people just don't understand the difference between positive and negative attention. Or that some forms of attention genuinely do make others uncomfortable, even if it is meant to be complimentary. Intention means nothing when the end result causes discomfort in another person.


I think the point is some guys have never had any type of attention and would gladly accept what u class as negative attention.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

here's the question op...what are shy guys supposed to do? just accept that women won't hit on us and be happy with being single? put yourself in our shoes.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I can't really understand why they would say and do things like that, as even the thought of saying something like that to a girl when I was that age would have made me almost die of embarrassment! It's baffling behaviour to me. Not that I don't believe they do it, I just don't know why?
> 
> I can only assume it must be some sort of perverse defence mechanism on the guys part, or a kind of "look how confident, macho and hi-value I am" sort of thing......or maybe they're just sh*ts?


I'm guessing guys do that for the same reason guys bully other guys - to appear cool and confident to others. I also think that in middle/high school, some guys are also embarrassed at the fact that a girl they consider unattractive likes them, and it makes them worried about being made fun of, so they bully the girl publicly to show others that they don't like her back.


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## pattherack (Aug 23, 2013)

I have never been approached / flirted with. Ever. I can remember a single time when a girl gave me the eye. I have approached girls in a bar once and got turned down the minute I showed up. I'd be tempted to believe I am terribly ugly, but I have been dating and having sex with a few girls.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

tbyrfan said:


> How often do you get hit on/approached? If you're a man, do you think it's a turn-off when a woman hits on or approaches you? If you're a woman, would you ever hit on or approach a man?
> 
> On SAS, I constantly see men writing about how they want women to approach them. However, in real life, i've always heard that the man should always initiate conversation with the woman until they are in a relationship, and that if the woman initiates/makes the first move, it's an enormous turn-off. This includes things such as calling back after the first date - outside of SAS, i've heard that a woman should never contact a man first, or he will immediately lose interest.


YES! The men should make the first move!

I have been hit on - flirted with, etc. I only really noticed when I learned to work through the SA haze. It doesn't work unless the Millenniumman Effect is enabled.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

SilentLuke said:


> here's the question op...what are shy guys supposed to do? just accept that women won't hit on us and be happy with being single? put yourself in our shoes.


Shy guys should say HELLO! Keep it light at first. Some women like it when guys are a bit bumbling....the attempt is flattering if anything. If she rejects, it's ON HER, NOT YOU!

Only one female is gonna get mah millenniummanliness anyway in the long run!


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> I also think that in middle/high school, some guys are also embarrassed at the fact that a girl they consider unattractive likes them, and it makes them worried about being made fun of, so they bully the girl publicly to show others that they don't like her back.


Yeah that sounds about right. Teens that age can be incredibly cruel. 
That combination of immaturity and insecurity leads to some pretty unpleasant behaviour.

I remember watching a documentary about the way the brain develops during adolescence, and it explained the reasons why empathy just doesn't come as naturally to teens at that age as it does to adults. I wish I could find it again.


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## Nono441 (May 14, 2012)

I have never been hit on in a straightforward way after around age 14. And I don't think I've even been at all, but I can't be sure because I am really bad at interpreting "hints".

People tend to make it such a big deal and are so deceptive about the whole thing, I wish they would just be clear about these things, to me this feels like something that should come naturally, but yeah what do I know haha..


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Every woman who approached a guy knows that is untrue.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Classified said:


> It might have happened once... A girl in my chemistry class suggested that we should go get coffee. I replied "I don't like coffee", which is true. :doh
> 
> I'm real smooth...
> 
> (It took me months to figure out that it might not have been just coffee.)


:lol That happened to me once. Replied the same you did.

But there was a happy end when she and her friend(my buddy's girl at the time) invited me and a buddy over for some alcoholic drinks.

Alcohol. Hell yeah!

Coffee. Lame!


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I've had girlfriends of the girl who wanted to go out with asked me on two occasions. One of those was because the girl needed a date to the prom. And a couple of times, my best buddy(or his GF) in college tried to play matchmaker for me.

I think that's one of the great benefits of having friends. Your buddy's girlfriend knows a single girlfriend and so forth. They can hook/pair (or try to) you up when you have zero dating skills.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Milco said:


> This poll confirms it: 80% of SAS are men :um


It's usually more even between the sexes. I think that many people just don't know what to vote on this poll. Except those who vote "never". Like, men sometimes approach me, but it varies greatly on if I even leave my house. I'm not gonna be able to give some estimated average of "once a week" or "once a month". Really? I can't vote on this poll, accurately, so I didn't do it.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

No. It's not true. It's just certain kind of dudes who are hit on. Like the more cool, outgoing, confident ones will obviously be hit on more than dudes quietly sitting by themselves. I get hit on very rarely (and usually if I am, I am completely oblivious to it), but I just attribute it to the vibe I send out. Since I'm quiet and anxious, I probably give off the 'stay away' vibe without really intending to.


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## tony420 (Jul 27, 2013)

i like people being straight up with me

lol


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

probably offline said:


> It's usually more even between the sexes. I think that many people just don't know what to vote on this poll. Except those who vote "never". Like, men sometimes approach me, but it varies greatly on if I even leave my house. I'm not gonna be able to give some estimated average of "once a week" or "once a month". Really? I can't vote on this poll, accurately, so I didn't do it.


I can understand that reason and there have been polls where I haven't answered, because I didn't know which of the options really applied to me (and sometimes none of them do).
But quite a few guys have voted for every year or every few years, so I'm not sure this explains the difference - unless guys are far more likely to give an estimate and girls more likely to want to give a precise number.


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## jasiony (Aug 15, 2010)

I am so oblivious to this stuff, looking back I think I've maybe had a few girls hit on me but im not sure, im confused as to where friendliness ends and the hitting on begins XD


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Or maybe men are more drawn to these sex/romance polls.


TC needs to reword to title, it's excluding women right now.


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## Jessop (Mar 29, 2013)

Happened to me last year. The girl made the first approach and made it clear for 2 months that she wanted me. She didn't ask me out however and I didn't ask her out. Also she is very attractive and no it wasn't a turn off, I was just in the heights of anxiety central. Needless to say I am regretting it now. 
Nothing at all wrong with a girl making some of the moves. However this has only happened to me once so I agree it is highly unlikely. I doubt if it will happen again.


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