# I truly HAVE overcome SA with this simple technique



## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

Hey guys! I havn't been on here in a few months. The last time I was, I reported that I thought I had finally found a method to successfully overcome social anxiety. I felt the urge today to post it once again for those of you who are struggling with this aweful situation.

A little history first: I'm a 20 yr old college student junior. I have struggled with SA for as long as I've had contact with humans outside of my immediate family (starting when I was eleven). I was homeschooled my whole life which probably was a contributing factor. Nonetheless, I had all the aweful symptomsof SA - pounding heart, sweating, shakey nervous voice, etc and it drove me into serious depression whenever I started college to the point that I went to counseling and was diagnosed with depression, and nearly flunked ut of school because of an inability to concentrate.

So whats this technique that changed everything a few months ago? Though Stopping, it's the simplest damn thing in the world and you won't believe it works until you actually try it and stick with it. You can google the term for more information, but I would highly suggest that you take the time to read this - http://www.have-a-heart.com/depression.html - article which was formulated to deal with more serious suicidal thoughts, but works great for SA.

The article emphatically (justifiably) states over and over that you WILL doubt the method itself when you start dealing with it. Through experience, it's not so much the simple method of yelling in your head "STOP" when a negative thought arises as it is consistency and perserverance of this technique that is so devestating to your negative thoughts. I can't stress enough that you MUST stick with the technique and not even allow a single negative thought, or a single thought concerning SA at all to enter your mind (yes, this is exactly why I havn't even thought about visiting this forum for the past two months).

I sincerly hope that this method helps you guys as much as it helped me, it's truly changed my life, but you absolutly must stick with it. IF you visit this forum regularly, you absolutly must NOT visit it again until your anxiety is gone if you're serious about this technique. I know this sounds extreme, but everytime you visit this forum or any other material regarding anxiety, you are allowing a thought to pass into your conscious mind. After a while, you will learn to control your thoughts and be able to shut off any thoughts even remotely related to your anxiety, as I will once I close this explorer window.

Please take the time to read this article and to give it a go. And keep in mind that your mind WILL try to send you all sorts of negative thoughts as soon as you are about to enter a social situation, but you must continuously tell yourself "STOP" (sometimes 4 or five times in a minute) for this to work. As soon as you start allowing thoughts regarding SA to be processed, you are entering dangerous territory.

Everyone's nervous whenever they first enter a conversation, but people who don't have social anxiety simply don't allow these thoughts to exist (many because they have a high self-esteem and sincerly think the thoughts are bull****).

This technique can also be applied to many other fears in life I found. I just finished a 5 minute presentation to a class of 40 people, and, while my voice was shakey for some odd reason, I really hardly felt nervous at all, and had no problem thinking clearly during the presentation and going through my notes at a reasonable rate, and interacting with the class. This is HUGE compared to last semester when I could hardly speak a single word in my last presentation and had to read the entire presentation from a paper I had written. Today I had a few bullet points which I expounded on, and it was all because as my turn to speak got closer, I kept telling myself to "STOP!!!!!!!!!" everytime a negative thought entered my mind.

I hope this helps, if you have any questions, or comments, email me at [email protected], i'd love to hear from you. I'm not a salesman or anyone who's getting any profit from doing this, I just can't stomache to see or hear about people going through the **** that I went through for years.

Good Luck!

Tim


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

I've tried that thought stopping technique and it works to some extent. For me, mindfulness works better. Glad that worked for you, though.


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## blueandyellowguitar (Sep 21, 2007)

Ive heard of this but ive always doubted it, and when i did try it .. tis like my brain knows im trying to escape.. and i just cant.. i dunno
i cant explain. 
even though it hasnt worked ..YET...im gonna practise this more!


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

I know exactly what you're saying. Honestly, I just yelled as loud as I could inside my head "STOP" "STOP" "STOP" in the most brutal fasion and then start doing something and if you start thinking it again "STOP" until you actually stop! Like I said, i initially tried this method out and kinda half-assed it by allowing some dwelling on the method and certain thoughts...it was all for not, it really is all or nothing with this method, atleast for a few days or maybe even weeks until you can just shut off the thoughts because it does get easier with practice.


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

Did you do the 2 days at home as suggested and the inverted to do list, or just try in your ordinary life?
I'm not sure about not visiting the forum, surely it's how you see things and negative thoughts can crop up anytime?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

YES! THAT IS RIGHT!!!! :boogie :boogie :boogie

Negative thinking is as much a bad habit as smoking, drinking, etc.
We need to start thinking positive NO MATTER WHAT. We are our own best friends. Replace the bad with GOOD!!!!!


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

Interesting... I'll have to try this.


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

Shy chick: I actually didn't do the whole 2 day at home thing and inverted list and whatnot, but what I did do was set aside 2 days to not even think about thinking about SA, or how to resolve my SA or anything to do with SA, and really use the technique. After those 2 days I noticed such a difference that I just kept it up. I have days where I start thinking about it, and I find the habit starts to creep up, and I have to go back to thought stopping.


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## tobeyourselfisnotacrime (Jun 10, 2007)

I'm trying this.

Wait. Are you saying that this forum has taught me to think negatively? Maybe.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

good technique, im gona try it. but since the mind is always thinking about something, I think its important to replace the negative thoughts with productive thoughts, cause if you just say stop and thats it, it'll just keep coming back.

for example, I would think:
"that person would be annoyed if i spoke to them...STOP!!...that person will probably love talking with me"


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## Katester225 (Jan 27, 2008)

~AJ~ said:


> good technique, im gona try it. but since the mind is always thinking about something, I think its important to replace the negative thoughts with productive thoughts, cause if you just say stop and thats it, it'll just keep coming back.
> 
> for example, I would think:
> "that person would be annoyed if i spoke to them...STOP!!...that person will probably love talking with me"


AJ, thats exactly right. If you came up to me and started talking to me i would be thinking " **** he is handsome...quick! act natural!" hahaha and i bet i am not the only one that'd think that


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## busstop (May 28, 2006)

Thief- or anyone who has tried this method- did stopping your negative thoughts actually allow you to talk more? Do you talk more, or has it only been a complete break from negative thinking?


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

I definatly talk more. Before I would overanalyse what I was going to say to somone and either a) not say it or b) make such a big deal out of it that when I actually said it, I would begin tearing myself down with all kinds of negative thoughts about 'how I said or' or 'why I shouldnt have said or or should have said it differently' or something else. If you use thought stopping both before and afterwards to eliminate all the extra thoughts, you will find yourself not even thinking twice about talking. In summary, absoulty it has helped me to talk more, I spend much more time actually talking and much less dwelling.


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## KnightyOne (Feb 10, 2008)

Wow! I tried this technique today and I found myself talking with much more ease! People were smiling at me more, and actually standing close to me. I guess they didn't talk to me before because they got the vibe that I didn't want to talk to them. To further back up this technique, it's similar to what my doctor told me to do. This technique goes to the root of the problem--excessive negative thinking. It allows us to also notice how many times I think negatively of myself. It's like a wake up call for the mind. No wonder I started feeling so depressed! However, I don't think trying to forget that we have social anxiety is a good idea. That would be like trying to forget that we have diabetes. The mind and body will always want to go back to that negative thinking once I'm cured, but that's when we just remain calm and use the technique. They say that once your addicted to cigarettes, the desire for one never completely goes away, but the people who quit still live a happy life if they choose. :thanks


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

grats! I'm so happy to hear it! actually speaking of smoking, to even further illustrate the power of this technique, I used it and it alone to quit cold turkey 11 weeks ago today and I use it to stay quit.


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## LunatikPandora (May 10, 2005)

Positive thinking definitely helps. 

I don't mean you should be overly optimistic about everything but having having a positive disposition helps alot. You should still be able to acknowledge bad situations but don't think negative thoughts over and over that it makes you even more depressed.

Thinking negatively just causes you to dwell on the negative aspects of life and it will only drag you down that downward spiral, you gotta try to stay away from that.

You gotta keep your head up and try to positive when the situation might not be going exactly how you want it to be.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I have to say that, I am interested in this. 

I just had an experience today in which it seems that I tried something fairly similar and my anxiety did leave me.

So I will read that page that you recommended.

Thank you and I'm glad that life is so good for you now.

Elisa


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

i'm so thrilled to hear it! Stick with it, and if you slip up and, in retrospect, realise that you were thinking negativly don't become depressed, just go back to the basics. HERE'S TO HELL WITH NEGATIVE IRRATIONAL CRUEL THOUGHTS opcorn (I know it's popcorn but it looks like a drink!)


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## Trybrow (Mar 13, 2008)

unfortunately i tend to believe in the negative thought as a reality therefore theres not much motivation in trying to stop a negative thought, but rather to distract myself somehow.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

I'll be giving this a try! Thanks.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Thank you, this sounds interesting. There is also a technique from a book from the late Dr Claire Weeks - Self Help for your Nerves, that she described in her book about saying the words "relax, float and let time pass" or something like that and those words do help too, I think of a reward I will give myself when the time passes and you finish going through your scary SA encounter, it could be anything, like relaxing at home on your sofa or sitting in a nice garden, that's what I would try and imagine after I'd say those words in my mind. The unfortunate thing though is to lose that motivation and forget how to keep a handle on it, but it's never to late to retrain again. Thanks for the article though, Im going to read it. I remember once reading something about saying the words "STOP" somewhere and it's supposed to help with sending those negative thoughts back to the subconscious. I tried it a few times but I never persisted with it but you've just motivated me to give this another go.


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

Trybrow said:


> unfortunately i tend to believe in the negative thought as a reality therefore theres not much motivation in trying to stop a negative thought, but rather to distract myself somehow.


I'm really glad you mentioned this. Whenver I first began this technique I was truly desperate, felt like I was at the end of my cope rope, and pulled out all the stops and had a real life changing experience.

Today, I'm struggling with exactly what you mentioned, the scary thought that these negative thoughts could infact be real. I frightens me to block out the thoughts. When I percieve a problem (ie experiencing social anxiety) the natural response is to want to fix it by analyzing it and trying different coping strategies. Thought stopping goes against this extremly powerful instinct and says that if you don't think about it for long enough, it will go away.

From experience I can absolutly lay my life down on this fact, atleast as it pertains to social anxiety. If you consistently work on blocking out negative thoughts and do NOT think about it for long enough, the self-fullfilling prophecy will eventually end, but it takes a ****load of discipline.

Here's what I'm doing now. I give myself 10-15 minutes every morning where I sit down, stare at my hands, and do nothing but concentrate on every negative and frusterating thought I can think of. I even think of ways I can fix it, but when those 15 minutes are up, that **** is out of my mind for the rest of the day using thought stopping. Whenever something goes wrong and I am tempted to think a negative thougth, I simply defer it until the next day.


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## gozinsky (Mar 11, 2008)

I tried this today and it actually made a difference. At the very least, it made me more aware of all the different negative thoughts bouncing around in my head at all times. And I actually saw through some of it. Gonna try again tomorrow. Thanks.


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## Trybrow (Mar 13, 2008)

well Thief what this is is a cognitive-behavioral technique and when used in conjunction with other CBT can make a big impact in ones life. Using it alone might help but to deal with something like social anxiety you really have to deal with a range of issues like self-worth, confidence and acceptance. 

What if those 'negative thoughts' that you are having were actually important signals from your psyche, like say for example, if you were being abused and you used thought stopping to blank out all those negative thoughts... how helpful would it be then? it may prevent that person from looking at the thoughts and making productive steps towards getting the right kind of help. Maybe thought stopping is preventing you from getting the right kind of help that you need to overcome your problems IN REALITY and live a fulfilling life.

we can't go through like ignoring our problems.


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## Bunnycakes (Mar 26, 2008)

How do you tell yourself to stop if you believe the things you're thinking to be true? And if I do have a negative thought about anything at all and say stop to myself really loud in my head, I might find myself doing that and whatever is happening at hand will go blank. Like... I'm talking to a stranger, a negative thought comes, I yell stop, it comes back, I yell stop etc and meanwhile I don't know what the stranger said to me or what I should say because I wasn't thinking properly. Like.. get distracted by the stopping.


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

Trybrow said:


> well Thief what this is is a cognitive-behavioral technique and when used in conjunction with other CBT can make a big impact in ones life. Using it alone might help but to deal with something like social anxiety you really have to deal with a range of issues like self-worth, confidence and acceptance.
> 
> What if those 'negative thoughts' that you are having were actually important signals from your psyche, like say for example, if you were being abused and you used thought stopping to blank out all those negative thoughts... how helpful would it be then? it may prevent that person from looking at the thoughts and making productive steps towards getting the right kind of help. Maybe thought stopping is preventing you from getting the right kind of help that you need to overcome your problems IN REALITY and live a fulfilling life.
> 
> we can't go through like ignoring our problems.


A very good point, but to be honest, it doesn't matter how much therapy you go through, when we walk into a midterm or final exam most people get nervous...the fight or flight response, it doesn't matter how prepared we are, we send messages to ourselves like "what's gonna happen if I **** it up" and inevitably alot of us allow these thoughts to continue into the test and now they've gone from "what if" to "it's happening, help! I'm drawing a blank" and it is ALL psychological. It doesn't matter how much preparation you do to avoid these thoughts, they will always be there.

I believe thought stopping is the only way to deal with negative thoughts ranging from SA to tests. FINE, maybe I am unprepared for that final exam, and maybe I will fail this class if I **** it up, but need I remind myself of all of this DURING the test? when I need to not be distracted or my efforts squandered by these negative thoughts?

This is what i'm proposing, and from experience I can say that thought stopping WORKS. I have changed my perception since I posted this thread originally almost a year ago. Using thought stopping for dealing with social anxiety is uncharted territory for the most part (google tends to agree) and the methods that exist seem to vary. I was originally combining the thought stopping method for depression with SA and trying to make it work in the long term. Basically, I think that you can think about negative thoughts, but you MUST be able to control them through thought stopping, and be able to say "i'll deal with this later".

Essentially, it's exactly what they teach athletes. If you fumble the ball forget that it ever happened and get it out of your head because if you allow it to stay there it will hinder your perforemance, no matter how good you are. Think about it later! Hope this helps...

Tim


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## sprinter (Nov 22, 2003)

> Essentially, it's exactly what they teach athletes. If you fumble the ball forget that it ever happened and get it out of your head because if you allow it to stay there it will hinder your perforemance, no matter how good you are. Think about it later! Hope this helps...


That's true. There's a lot about thought stopping in the book *Managing Performance Stress* which is about performance anxiety in athletes and musicians. One technique is the rubber band on the wrist where you snap the rubber band every time you catch yourself thinking negatively. But there's also a six step technique to become proficient at thought stopping there that looks very interesting. I'd post it but it's a lot of typing. :lol


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## cicada (Aug 25, 2005)

I have found negative thought stoppage very helpful, though so far it hasn't been a cure. This is one technique Dr. Richards features in his "Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step". It has definitely made me aware of how often I am sending myself negative messages, and I have gotten better at stopping the negative thoughts before they get too far. It helps me deal with the negative thought further to come up with rational response to it.


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## pehlinazar (Apr 20, 2008)

STOPPPPPPPP

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## eightee (Apr 25, 2008)

LOL. ok i just tried this. except the problem is my mind NEVER turns off. so i have to say stop stop stop stop all the timeeee!! anyways i saw this group of girls standing outside the bldg i work in eating snow cones. i know them. but i usually blush every time i talk to them anyways. so i got nervous when i saw them. and i said stop stop stop over and over. and i started talking to them but i was repeating stop in my mind because i was freaking out inside. and i was talking to them, and i started overthinking what i was saying so i said stop. and i didnt blush. yay!!!


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

grats! Yes I too had a problem with overdoing it, which is possible, infact that's something I was struggling with for the past few weeks, it was like I literally was talking on the phone for hours to a freind and was saying stop the whole time..I got done and was exhausted! 

I've realized that if you don't need to yell stop, don't! it's as simple for me as just yelling stop and imagining stop sign any time I have a negative thought. It's really amazing for me that without negative thoughts, anxiety seems to quickly diminish. 

I've had a great past couple weeks by going back to the basics and simply blocking negative thoughts and nothing more. Actually, come to think of it I havn't yelled at myself to stop in about a week! I guess my brain has stopped trying to send negative thoughts all together!

Keep at it guys, I really find that SA can't exist without those negative thoughts to back it for me.


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## eightee (Apr 25, 2008)

but i never stop thinking hardly EVER, and its USUALLY negative. whats a girl to do


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## eightee (Apr 25, 2008)

*p.s.*

i think maybe me repeatedly thinking stop in front of those girls distracted me from the anxiety or something because it wouldnt let me think anything else.


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## Thief13x (May 4, 2005)

I would suggest yelling stop and imagining a stop sign at the same time, I even shift my eyes slightly sometimes when I do it. Either way, the combination of visual and audio does it for me pretty good. Just remmember it's about sticking with it. Getting out of the habit of negative thinking is like getting out of any other habit. You have to work on it and it will get progressivly better. Cheers!

Tim


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