# I don't think I'm meant to have friends, so frustrated with myself



## AimeeKim (Oct 12, 2013)

I don't think I'm meant to have friends...
I've been going to community college for a year now after high school and I haven't gone out with anyone at all. I have made acquaintances in school but I haven't been able to connect with people. That's always been a problem for me. I'm the most comfortable and content when I'm just alone at home. 

However, recently I decided to make one more attempt to go out and "be normal" when an old friend from high school who I haven't talked to in a year wanted to meet up with me today. It went about as bad as I expected. I mean, the whole time I was wishing I was just home. I really tried to think positive, but it went downhill. It was very awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to force myself to make small talk, and there were still many silences. I also had word vomit, where basically I have a tendency to ramble on and on to fill the silences, and so I know I came off as a hot emotional mess by telling her things I probably shouldn't be unloading on her since I'm not as close to her anymore (like issues with my family, my history of depression, ect.) 

I just felt so uncomfortable, drained, tired, so relieved when it ended and I could go home to be alone. I feel so bad I subjected her to that, but she was very valiant in still asking me to let her know when I wanted to hang out again, watch a movie, ect. She knew I didn't go out much and she even invited me to hang with her friends, but just the thought of that, just makes me know I would feel too anxious, tired, and bored to enjoy myself. I'm honestly content to never go out again for the next year, and happily focus on finishing my major so I could move out on my own. However, right now I can't help feeling so incredibly down and frustrated with myself, that I can't even "act normal" enough to comfortably hang out with someone for two hours. I feel something is wrong with me, when I know other people my age are going out and having fun in college. I just..can't see myself ever doing that. I don't really want to, I'm used to being alone. 

I'm not sure I want to see her again, but I also feel like I should make one more attempt, and then I can feel sure in admitting that a friendship just won't work between us and we can drift away again....I'm fine with that, but right now I can't shake off the feeling that something is terribly WRONG with me that I can't be normal like other people. I'm depressed and frustrated with myself...Why can't I be normal enough to hang out with other people?...I would appreciate any advice, insight...<3


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## scottx (Oct 19, 2013)

If home is where you find comfort, invite her to your home.


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## Guinavere (Oct 23, 2013)

yeah thats a good idea, I dont get out or have friends or hang either, and im a bit older, i love being alone there is just a comfort and relaxation that comes with isolation in comfortable conditions lol, but then i wish i had a bestie to hang out with and shop with some days lol any one on loan? (I probably would have too much anxiety to go out anyways, so disregard the offer)


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## nobodyimportant55 (Oct 23, 2013)

Dude take this oppurtunity life ssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssssssss without friends


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