# Talk to at least 1 person, every day.



## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

So.. i'm a bit new here. 
I'll quickly introduce myself: I'm Pieter, 20 years old, next week i'll be 21. And I have Sa since a quite long time. Never been an outgoing guy (never will be). 

But since i'm in uni (college for the americans) it got worse. Now after 2 years I'm in my 3rd year uni and i practically have no friends -sad face- Only some people I 'know' and who i can talk to on occasion.People who i've worked with for team assignments etc..

but anyways, my goal now is to talk to at least 1 person in class every day. Just small talk.

And my final goal would be to have a group of friends in uni (or even better.. a girlfriend  (never had one). )
But now i still have no clue how i would go from the small talk to actually being friends? 
and also, my biggest fear is that everybody already knows eachother by now and i'm that lonely guy. That won't make it easier.


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

You sound exactly like me, just that I remained isolated my first year, not two. Go for it man, you already written in one of my threads how you were able to talk with a few people and nothing bad happened. Don't think about failure, don't think about how somebody will not like you. Stay positive. Don't think about how people already labeled you as the quiet guy, if you try, you can change that really quickly. At least now if I see somebody that I know in class, our group talks the loudest, while the year before I probably didn't say more than 100 words in total. Good luck with your goal, I hope you won't give up and won't take any days off.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

This is harder than I thought :/

anyways, so far:
Sunday: talked to some people who i already knew a bit. nothing exciting
Monday: i was sitting next to this veryy cute girl in class. I wanted to talk to her but she was constantly busy on her phone or talking to her friends who sat next to her. (just like everybody else was busy ,besides me. I just pretend i'm busy on my phone lol )

And tomorrow i don't have any classes , so nothing will happen then either :/


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

My advice is for you to not try and approach girls that are already in their own group. It would get really awkward really quick, unless you are flawless with talking to girls. Also, don't always look at your phone. If you're always doing something with your phone, people will assume you're busy and will never approach you. Just search for someone who's sitting by himself/herself. Maybe you could get to school earlier? That way most other people still wouldn't have met their friends yet, so it would be easier to approach.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

Yea , I can come early ,that's no problem. 
but the problem is that ,by now in my 3rd year, everybody has certain people they hang out with already. Besides me.. So they are almost always in group. But actually it shouldn't really matter anyways.

And the reason I look at my phone is because I don't want to look like a lonely guy so I pretend I'm busy.but most of the time i just play silly games on my phone cause there is nothing else to do (or i pay attention in class ofcourse) its kinda sad lol.

I just don't get why this is so extremly difficult for me ? 
I'm not bad looking, I'm pretty smart, i'm even funny sometimes (mostly when i'm alone or on the internet ) 
Only my social skills are sooo weak...

wednesday i'll update this again, i'll see what happens then.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

It's my birthday todayyy  (21)

Yesterday evening 0:00 I turned 21! The first 5 minutes I was happy, but then I started to think no one really cared. No messages on my phone or fb etc. Meh. To not feel sad and to have at least some social interaction i went on worldwide chatsite, maybe it would make me feel better. (on internet my social skills are actually pretty good). 
And then i accidently met a girl on that chatsite who also lives in belgium , just like me. (remember it's a worldwide site). even better, she lives a few kilometers away from me! 
We chatted for a while, she gave me her skype and asked if i would be online tomorrow. 
Only problem: she's 24, smokes and has 10 tattoos BUT she's sooo nice and friendly (and cute). (don't judge a book by its cover ^^ ). and she's single.
and then there is me, the shy little boy who is still virgin :/
idk what I will do with this situation.

The rest of the day was as usual. I tried to talk to somebody, but i didn't had much energy. just said some sentences to a guy sitting next to me, nothing exciting.
Only at the library I had strong eye contact with a girl and when i stood up to leave she would keep looking at me. i didn't talk to her. regret that now


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

If the girl seems nice, go for it. Who cares that she smokes and has 10 tattoos? If a girl tries to talk with you, it doesn't mean it's only for you to be her boyfriend. Maybe she's just looking for somebody to talk to? Who knows, you might get a new friend. Also, quite often opposites attract, so you never know, you might fall in love with her, even though she seems like the complete opposite of you.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

Bad day today.
I overslept, didn't go to my morning classes and in the afternoon I was sitting all by myself. at the end of the class I notice somebody who i worked with previous year for a team assignment so I wanted to say hi but he ignored me 

And the girl I met online is ignoring me aswell. (honestly no idea why -_- )

gotta stay positive tho ^^


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## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

I try to turn the conversation towards the other person and have had a lot of success. Most of us spend so much time worrying about, thinking of, and listening to other people talk that it feels great to be invited to discuss our own likes and experiences for once.

Sorry you hit a rough patch. There's more opportunities ahead.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

*Update*
unfortunatly I failed my goal to talk to a stranger every day (monday/thursday i didn't do anything)
But today I made it up.

So today I went to the library to study. Two girls were sitting in front of me,also studying. They had 2 of the same drinks (probably given out outside ). 
Anyways, I didn't know those girls but they both seemed nice. And I wanted to talk to them.
During the previous 3 years I went already quite a lot to the library but I NEVER had the balls to talk to a stranger there. (and tbh I never saw anybody do it, or it'd be friends already ofcourse).
I was motivated because I remembered this thread, because I saw the progress of 'Radical but Legal' on here and I kept telling myself nothing bad can happen. 

But yet...
half an hour I kept motivating myself to talk to one of them, or at least say something. Hell, I was more nervous than I was 5 minutes before my oral exam economics -__- . Unreal.
And then it happened, they were packing their bags, ready to leave.
In myself I was like '**** no, not again'.
And out of nowhere I asked where she got those drinks and she replied and then i asked what flavour they were, she replied , then I didn't know what to say and then they left.
At the end the girl smiled at me but I think it was more of a -I'm gonna be polite-smile than an -I like you- smile :b.
But I felt relieved because I finally had the courage ,after 3 years, to actually say something to a stranger at the library. (It might seem like nothing to others but for me this was a big deal! )

Later that day I was in class and I had more confidence and i still needed a group for some team assignment. So I said 'hi' to the girl next to me but she was a bit scared lol (or at least very surprised, idk she was busy on her phone). Then I said 'Do you already have a gro..' Then she interrupted me and said 'yes yes I have'. 
I didn't do anything anymore and went back to my seat.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long journey. But I'm not gonna give up.

I hope to go thursday or friday to the library again and do this again. If I keep doing it I'll become used to this I hope 
My ultimate goal is to be able to say what I went to who I want without stress.

Some Remarks tho:
+ The girls at the library were very friendly and open
+ Nobody around me seemed to care I talked to them
-My voice was very different than normally (nervous voice) But I'm afraid I can't really change that because it's due to the stress I had :/


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

That's good to hear! I tend to not try and talk to people when they're doing something on their phone, because they act somewhat busy, even when I'm with some of my friends. Maybe that's the reason why that girl acted so scared and surprised when you tried to start a conversation?

And great to see that you did something about those girls in the library as well! I know it wasn't anything big, but at least you overcame your fear and realized that nothing bad happened. I was kinda the same when I started out talking to girls, waiting for way too long, thinking way too long and being completely scared of failure. Now I don't feel that way. Maybe the same will happen to you in the near future.

Just keep working on your social skills and don't give up. After a while you'll get a better feeling of when talking with someone is appropriate and how to keep the conversation going. Like I said, before I used to be nearly shaking, because I was so nervous when talking to girls, and now I can do it at ease. Sometimes I even surprise myself how something completely perfect comes to my head in a matter of seconds. Hopefully the same will happen to you.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

I think next time I'm at the library I'm going to ask a girl what she is studying and try to elaborate a bit on that. (if it's approriate). 
That way I can have a conversation with her and it's an easy starter.

we will see


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

*Update*

Another little triumph for me 
I talked to a guy in class who sat next to me about a non-school related subject,football(aka soccer).Today was an important day for the Belgian team so it was an easy opener.
He was really open and talkative which i liked. We kept talking (even during the class itself) and he told me many things about himself. It was quite enjoyable! I hope I'll see him again next week (I only have 1 class together with him). And maybe he becomes my friend.

conclusion:
I wasn't really nervous anymore. but that's probably because it was a guy ( I always get very nervous when talking to somebody of the opposite sex).
He was very friendly.
I was still a bit too shy (stupid lack of confidence) to actually be the conversation maker, I mostly listened and replied. (need to change that)


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

There you go! I also feel much less nervous when talking with guys than with girls. This might be a start of a friendship  Just make sure to talk with him next time as well.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

*Update*

I had some upcoming projects for uni (college for our american friends).
I was set up with 4 guys who knew eachother. and then there was me, the shy boy lol.
But there were no awkward silences. They were all very nice to me. Only negative point is that when we had 'free' time they'd talk about the things they did this weekend and i couldn't say a thing, so I sat there quietly listening.

And Yesterdaynight was great.
It was my best friends birthdayparty(21). And of all the people invited (7)I only knew 1 guy. 
At the start I wasn't the biggest speaker but I started talking more and more during the night. (Thank you alcohol lol, but I also felt more confident &relaxed, regardless the alcohol ).
I ended up being the 'leader' of our little group. At the end of the evening I'd talk a lot and everybody seemed to like me  
A guy even asked to go out again with me! Never really happened before..
Only disadvantage that night: Girls! 
When we would go on the dancefloor I'd turn back in my old self: Dancing around the girl(s) but never ever touch them! 
I still have no idea how I can conquer this fear because sometimes I get obvious hints (a girl would look at me , or make movements with her arms towards me)but yet I don't do anything!


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

OP, i am in the EXACT same boat, well, i'm in a community college, but close enough. I want to have friends to, but i can't seem to get the ball rolling. Nobody at my school just comes up and starts talking to me.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

dcaffeine said:


> OP, i am in the EXACT same boat, well, i'm in a community college, but close enough. I want to have friends to, but i can't seem to get the ball rolling. Nobody at my school just comes up and starts talking to me.


Yea man, it's hard.
But if nobody comes up and starts talking to you, then you have to come up to them.. really easy solution right there. 
But then again, I know that's not easy .. unfortunatly :/


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## lesedwards (Oct 7, 2013)

Find an easy target. Find someone alone or someone who you think is in the same situation as you. The only difference is that YOU are making the first move


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

*Update*

it rained a lot today. I went somewhere to hide for the rain. there was a girl waiting there aswell. And after 5 minutes finding courage , pretending to be busy on the phone I asked her if she was waiting on somebody. We started talking for a minute or 10. There were some silences but i didn't really found it awkward or anything. then she left, going home.
She was really friendly


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## Radical But Legal (Aug 11, 2013)

There you go! You're getting better! Good to hear.


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!


dude , you have to help me. lol

i was sitting in the library. Cute ,very hot, girl in front of me was smiling at me.
one moment we had like 5 seconds eye contact and i wanted to say something but i couldn't. I looked away 
Then we had eye contact again, i talked to her for like 30 sec (library.. can't talk long (luckily) )

and then when i was going to leave i just did it. i said she had a nice watch (all gold, really nice) and then i asked her number. She gave it!

but what do i do now?


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

hmmmm yeah . 

obviously she didn't text me back. can't expect too much.. (back to reality ^^ )

Bit of a disappointment tho.


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