# Need help getting to know girl across the street!



## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

Here are the facts of my situation:

I live at home with my parents. The room I stay in is upstairs over the garage, with my window facing out on the street. I get a good view of the street and the houses across the street.

One of the houses across the street is occupied by three female college students. One of the girls parents owns the house, and the other two girls are renting there. I am a college student too, but I go to a different school.

Over the past year I have developed an incedible crush on one of the two renters. At frist I didn't think much of her because she is sorta short and has a little extra padding. But I have become fascinated by her for some reason. I think she is absolutely beautiful and I find myself adoring her. I don't even know her! (yet?) She seems to not have a boyfriend, but I am not totally sure on that. If I found out she had one afterall, I would be devistated. 

Oh, and I have never been on a date in my life. Never had my frist kiss yet. 

How do I talk to her? I have been watching her go to and from school, trying to figure what times she commonly goes to and from her car. There is a small parking lot next to my house and we both park there. She usually parks right next to my car! Should I just work on being at my car when she is there too? I have also noticed many times where she is the only one at home. Is it possible for a guy to grow the balls to actually go over the house, knock on the door, and intoduce himself to her? What would I say? Anyone got any good ideas? Please save me from the "go ask her for a cup of sugar" ideas because I would prefer to be honest and sincere. 

How do I keep my horrid anxiety under control? I have had anxiety attacks before and they are pure hell. I would not be worried about having one in front of her, but it sure would be possible for me to have one while I am half way across the street. 

Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated!


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

For starters, you shouldn't be raising her up to be something amazing. You don't know her. She doesn't know you. What you know is superficial at best. You don't know if there will actually be chemistry, even on your end, nevermind hers. I only started with all of this because it cut down on my dating anxiety tremendously when I stopped making crushes out to be more than they actually were to ME at the the time. Believe me, once you really get to know someone who you like and it doesn't work out (immediately or down the line), that hurts a million times more than being rejected when you ask her out on a 1st date or you find out that she already has a boyfriend before you do. Note, once you start to get to know this girl maybe you will really like her. But for now, I don't think you or anyone else can say that about someone they don't know, even if from the distance they're "the one." If you start to think in this way, you'll find that it's not as big of a deal. You'll feel less need to be perfect, amazing etc and you'll just be yourself. Go in a with a degree of skepticism. Is this girl worth getting to know more? Is she worth getting to know me? Is she worth my taking all of these chances and putting my heart on the line, hard enough w/people w/o SA nevermind people w/it?


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

Maybe I should clarify a little more. I realize what you say, but I admit I needed a little reminder. Thank you. However, I still want to do at least something, because the only thing worse than getting rejected by a girl I have admired for a long time is to never even try talking to her.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Ooops, no that's my fault. I meant to give you some constructive suggestions too. I just had to log off.

The going over to her house option might be the best. With these situations, like I said, you have so much invested that when an opportunity like say bumping into her comes along, your SA will get the best of you and you'll freeze up. I know this b/c it's happened to me too many times. I always made excuses like, oh she was talking to her friend, on the phone, looked in a bad mood etc...

Instead, control the situation. Going to her house might be extremely anxiety-inducing, but if you commit to going over at a certain time when you see that she's home, do some sort of relaxation technique before you go over and decide to feel ok regardless of what your anxiety says/does that might work out the best. 

I don't have much experience w/this type of thing either. I had my first relationship just this year. I thought I would never get over the hump. But I remember when I cut the ice on some of these things, it helped. It was hard to get to the first kiss phase and found myself wimping out when I had chances. So, cutting through all that, I called her, told her to come outside and then just did it. Took me an hour to make the call, of course. But when I went outside and waited, I felt ZERO anxiety. When she came, ZERO anxiety. When I did it, ZERO anxiety. I was shocked. Turned out to be a pretty romantic gesture, certainly not expected from some "shy" "quiet" guy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that cutting down on anticipatory anxiety is most of the battle, if not all. And then sometimes, by some miracle or other, your anxiety won't deprive you of being w/someone special or doing something amazing.

Anyways, good luck!


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

Thanks for the advice!

About the idea of going over to her house when no one else is home... what would I say at first? How do I start things out. I am not very worried about what I would say, just how I would spark the conversation. I know a lot of crap to talk about with her... so are you taking a summer quarter class? What is your major? where are you from? blah blah... I just need some ideas on what the first thing I should say when she opens the door and I open my mouth to speak.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

How about trying to catch her at her car? It may be a little intimidating if a guy came to my house when I (a female) am the only one home, you understand? I think the car approach you mentioned would be a lot less intimidating. And once you see her at her car (and you'll just have happened to be at your car, too, of course) you can ask her those questions: so what college do you go to? are you taking summer classes? ect ect

Good luck! Remember: She's just a girl, a person, and you've got to get a feel for her first to know if you like her. And liking someone is different from thinking someone is cute. YOU have the power whether or not to like her.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

I think this is so cute, if she knew how you felt/ think about her, she'd love you instantly. 
I think SADFighter has given you all the wisdom you'll need in order to approach this girl. And I agree with NightinGale, try getting her attention at your car. Just start off with a Hi, than tell her- i think we're neighbours- i live over there, you live there, right? so what school do you go to? oh really , I go to... and so on. You'll do great!


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



SADFighter said:


> The going over to her house option might be the best. With these situations, like I said, you have so much invested that when an opportunity like say bumping into her comes along, your SA will get the best of you and you'll freeze up. I know this b/c it's happened to me too many times. I always made excuses like, oh she was talking to her friend, on the phone, looked in a bad mood etc...
> 
> Instead, control the situation. Going to her house might be extremely anxiety-inducing, but if you commit to going over at a certain time when you see that she's home, do some sort of relaxation technique before you go over and decide to feel ok regardless of what your anxiety says/does that might work out the best.


I really like your idea. I agree that the car thing might give him too many options to let SA take control. How did you end up going out with that girl? Was it a similar situation to this one where you chose a harder route but one that was harder to chicken out in the middle?



gwen said:


> I think this is so cute, if she knew how you felt/ think about her, she'd love you instantly.


Sorry to spoil the mood, but that is not true. Getting a women's affection is so much more complicated than that and involves other things too.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

I thought I gave you enough suggestions before  

But nonetheless, I dont think the house approach is the best...ehh its really hard to say. Some girls may get freaked out if someone just randomly comes to their door and introduces themselves, etc.

As far as which situation would provoke SA or the most anxiety, that depends on the person. For me, its the anticipatory anxiety that kills me. Therefore, 'random' statements in a calm, natural outside environment that happen spontaneous are best for me. Going to her house would freak me out (the anticipation would cause a ton of anxiety)...plus confined in the hallway, kind of feel 'stuck'. 

The car ordeal I think is the best...pull up, heavy bass speakers blasting with some snoop dogg, TI, etc., ask her 'Yo wat up foo, wanna ride in dis G?'. Screech your tires coming into the parking space too, with the hydraulics on your 1984 buick w/gold rims going wild. 

Just kidding, lol... :lol 

This isnt as complicated as it sounds really...its just the anxiety that makes it tough. Its the intial comment that seems virtually impossible to say/think of/do. Same problem I have really...if I seen a girl I was attracted to on a routine basis, I really wouldn't know how to approach her if we've never met/talked before. 

I know you mentioned you dont want any 'cup of sugar' approaches (which sounds cheesy to me anyhow, hehe), you could just go outside around the time you know she's out there, and act like you're working on your car (hood up maybe)?

I honestly dont know what else to say...

Also rereading your post I noticed you mentioned 3 girls living at that 1 girls house...theres a risk as the 2 other girls may be the ones to answer...then since you dont even know her name, that would really make the situation awkward. Anxiety would probably rise and what else would you say... 'Hi uh...i'm looking for a girl that lives here, not you...' (uh ok theres Christina and Ashley who are you looking for?).. 'uhm I dont know their names, can I see both?'. lol...


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

Actually I do know her name because I have heard her roommate call out to her when they were both outside once. However, after reading all of your quite helpful replies  I am starting to think that knocking on her door is not the way to do it. I also have very bad anticipating anxiety like aviator99, so going over to her house would freak me out too. She seems nice and harmless, so meeting up with her at her car seems best. A few months ago, I did actually see her pull up as I was going out to my car. She said "hows it going?" to me in a friendly way, and I nervously replied with "hi". And that was it. Since then I have noticed her looking at me on an occasion or two. 

One time she was working on some sort of project in her garage with the door rolled up. I was just getting home, and I looked at her as I pulled into the space, and I think she saw me look at her. Then as I pulled into the space, I watched her in my rear view mirror, and she was looking at me as I stepped my foot out the door. Is this a sign that she might be interested in me?

Thanks for all of your guys helpful advice!


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



vicente said:


> Sorry to spoil the mood, but that is not true. Getting a women's affection is so much more complicated than that and involves other things too.


I meant solely his feelings about this girl. To be so passionate about someone and speak so fondly of her. It's romantic. 
As a girl it surprises me that guys actually feel this way towards girls (well some of them anyway). 
I know it's awful to like someone who doesn't like you back. No amount of kind words will have them fall in love with you if they don't want to.

Mindflyer- are you same person I told to hit this girl with your car? I see you didn't take my advice. If she's looking at you, she just might be giving you the green light. Every time you see her, just say hi, smile. Even if she's across the street- wave at her. Just let her know that you're noticing her. She might just be wondering the same thing- Does he like me? why doesn't he ask me out? Just say Hi, every chance you get.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Yeah, going over to the house and ringing the doorbell would send my anxiety over the top. Plus, you have to realize that most people hate unexpected visitors showing up at their door.

The car thing sounds like your best bet for initially breaking the ice. But there is the possibility you might not establish much with her during that first meeting. If she's going to her car, that means she's got somewhere to go and probably doesn't have time for much chit chat. But if you break the ice, you can always try to seal the deal on the 2nd encounter. Maybe then you can think of an excuse to go over to her house.

You just have to mentally prepare yourself for the car encounter. I know that whenever I liked a girl at school or work, I'd tell myself that I'm going to say something to them, but then days or weeks later, I'd have a perfect opportunity to do so but I'd chicken out because I wasn't mentally prepared for that encounter to happen when it did. It always seems to happen when you're least expecting it.

You need to think of your "ice breaker" and then have it queued up and ready to go every time you walk out your door and head to your car, because you never know what day will be the one when you cross paths.

But I think when you see her, you should start by saying Hi and then ask her what her name is. When she responds, then tell her your name and say you live right next door and that you've seen her around from time to time. Maybe then throw in some fluff talk about school or whatever. Then say something like "we should keep in touch, let me get your cellphone number"


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

Here are a few tips from my personal experience of blowing dozens upon dozens of tries.

First, she is a normal human and has flaws. Best case scenario, there is something about her that you really won't like. Worst case scenario, she will be very annoying to talk to and this is why its important to get to know people *before* you can develop a crush.

Second, what ever you do, don't tell her about your crush. That comes off as needy and being needy is a huge turn off to women and men alike.

Don't hang around her car or anything either. That might come across as creepy at worst, and odd at best. Women do the proximity thing where they walk by a guy, linger around outside a door, etc hoping he will start something up. Men are assigned the task of either approaching women or starting something up with a woman that (purposefully) puts herself around him. You already seem to know this to some degree based on mentioning that she parks near you, which might be a good sign btw.

If you run into her in the parking lot, see her checking the mail, or what ever just wave, introduce yourself, and ask what she's going to school for. Keep it brief because you're a busy and important guy with things to do and people to see, but if things go well suggest having a cup of coffee sometime :banana If she asks for your number *do not give it!* It never works! Women give their numbers, men call, end of story.

Otherwise, keep it fun and simple. Dating these days is more about hanging out than spending money on her. You pay for your coffee, she pays for hers, and there are no pressures or expectations. Don't ask to take her out to a fancy restaurant - have her come over and watch tv, play Nintendo, or what ever. Its about having fun together, not trying to impress her.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



opivy22 said:


> If she asks for your number *do not give it!* It never works! Women give their numbers, men call, end of story.


 :um

The number of women in my 26 years that have asked for my number: 0

I don't think women are gonna start asking guys for their number any time soon, especially on a chance encounter like this.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Futures said:


> :um
> 
> The number of women in my 26 years that have asked for my number: 0
> 
> I don't think women are gonna start asking guys for their number any time soon, especially on a chance encounter like this.


Well, its really something only really hot girls do. Its some kind of game they play with their friends - to see how many guy's phone numbers they can get while not giving out their own at the end of the night. The idea being that instead of giving the guy their number (because they don't want to talk to him) they make him submit and give his instead.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Futures said:


> opivy22 said:
> 
> 
> > If she asks for your number *do not give it!* It never works! Women give their numbers, men call, end of story.
> ...


It happened to me a little while ago. She just handed me her phone and I put it in. She was pretty hot too. Too bad I didn't capitalize when we hung out. It doesn't get much more straightforward than that. At least I called and hung out. Baby steps.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> Thanks for the advice!
> 
> About the idea of going over to her house when no one else is home... what would I say at first? How do I start things out. I am not very worried about what I would say, just how I would spark the conversation. I know a lot of crap to talk about with her... so are you taking a summer quarter class? What is your major? where are you from? blah blah... I just need some ideas on what the first thing I should say when she opens the door and I open my mouth to speak.


Don't go in blind. But don't overthink things either. The more we think about conversation, the harder it is. The more I think about everyone else's replies, maybe they're right about not going over. Just make it a point of being outside of her house when you know she'll be around. Then just casually go start w/a "hey" "i'm [name]" "haven't seen you around here...i guess we're neighbors" etc etc...

Don't have too many lines prepared. Also understand that it's not your responsibility to sustain conversation. It takes 2. Presumably she'll reply to you. Use her cues to expand things. I know it's scary but take it easy. I've been seeing things more rationally as I've been making progress against SA. A few days ago at a restaurant this guy at a table next to mine was sending messages via a napkin and a waiter to this woman at another table. I guess that was pretty brave but the guy was overanalyzing everything. When he finally went over, after his waiter pushed him, the guy was tapping his foot and generally being awkward the whole time. But, as far as I could tell, he got a date w/a pretty cute girl.

Just take a chance. Even if you are nervous, it might work out. But if you don't try, well, it never will.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Futures said:


> Well, its really something only really hot girls do. Its some kind of game they play with their friends - to see how many guy's phone numbers they can get while not giving out their own at the end of the night. The idea being that instead of giving the guy their number (because they don't want to talk to him) they make him submit and give his instead.


oh yeah, I do this ALL the time because I am SUPER HOT :um

btw Mindflyer- I think Futures is right about the whole "mentally preparing" yourself stuff. I would also suggest putting a time limit on as to when you are going to approach her. None of these suggestions will work until you finally just do it. Don't wait for the prefect moment. Have an actual conversation with this girl before the end of this week. You can do it!


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



SADFighter said:


> Futures said:
> 
> 
> > opivy22 said:
> ...


Yeah its happened to me also (at work). In my scenario the girl was pretty hot also, but looked older than me (i'm 20 - she looked like maybe 24-27?).

It's rare (probably 1 in 10/20 girls probably do it) but its definitely possible.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Hey mind,

The ice has already been broken man! If she said 'hey whats going on' and you responded with 'hi', thats pretty much it.

Next time you see her say 'whats going on', or ' hey whats up '. But do it casually, keep walking to your car or doing what your doing. I say the best approach now, is just to consistently say 'hey', 'hi', 'whats going on', ' whats up ' for a month or so. Act like the friendly neighbor guy.

Hell I do this with my neighbors and I did it in college - a lot of people will get to know you / think you're a nice person if you just say hello on a routine basis.

If you're driving and she looks your way, wave to her. She wont know whether you're interested in her or not, or whether you're just being a nice friendly neighbor guy. 90% likely she'll wave back. If you walk past her, say 'hey whats going on' (you dont have to wait for a spiel, but you may get lucky and she may start a conversation with you).

Soon enough she may say that to you the more you say it to her. In a few weeks, maybe she'll ask 'Hey whats going on?', or, 'hey whats new with you?'. 

Over the weeks you'll continue to break the ice, small chunks at a time, and develop a friendly relationship (more like a neighbor/friend kind of relationship with her), just with simple greetings, hellos, waves, etc.

Not only will this greatly reduce any anxiety later on, and you'll gradually get comfortable with her and doing those things, that when the time comes when she goes further with starting a conversation, or you do, that it'll be easier to overcome any kind of anxiety.


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

Thanks again for your guys help!

Just a little update. Today I waited by my window while on the computer for her to come home from school or whatever. I knew she comes home around 2 or 3pm. I planed on going out to get the mail right as she pulled up! 

Well sure enough I saw her car coming down the street! I ran downstairs, grabed the key for the mail box, and then stopped at the door. I waited a few seconds so she would not still be sitting in her car as I walked by. Well... I over shot my opportunity  She was already half way across the street when I came out. Dammit. That was my only chance all day.

As I was running down the stairs I thought "okay, im just going to do this, before fear has a chance to take over me". As I waited for those couple seconds at the door, my heart was pounding. My heart was pounding, all over a freakin girl... a girl who I wish didn't live across the street because since she has been there, I can not help but watch her and think about her.

I know, I know... I don't even know her yet blah blah blah. Lets keep in mind that a crush is a biological thing. I can't really prevent it from happening. It just does, and I have to deal with it, even if it causes a lot of pain. This is how I feel. Pointing out the flaws in my logic wont help me at all. Emotions are never logical. 

The only way I could forget her is if another girl came into my life, or if she moved away. It's not like I think she is the only person out there for me. I know there are a lot of women out there. I just wish... there was one for me. One who likes me.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Just say "hi, how are you?" if you come close enough. You're both students, so you're kind of in that whole world. You can talk about college student stuff... whatever that may be. 

Out here people are kind of distant and keep their heads down. I guess it's almost the same everywhere. This, I find, makes it even harder to approach people. 

I've gone through things like this with girls, though. I just realize that nothing is going to happen unless my personality changes. I have no ability to just go up and talk out of the blue. I feel like I'm breaking a rule. It's not like if you are at a party or hanging out with friends and haven't been introduced, so you go and introduce yourself, break the ice, etc. The whole psychology of neighbordom, I don't understand too well. You can have some neighbors you talk to every single day, and then others who won't even make eye contact. Some people just want their space, and I respect that, but this makes it hard to decide whether it's okay to approach someone. 

Best of luck, anyway.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> Thanks again for your guys help!
> 
> Just a little update. Today I waited by my window while on the computer for her to come home from school or whatever. I knew she comes home around 2 or 3pm. I planed on going out to get the mail right as she pulled up!
> 
> ...


You seem to know what you're doing/thinking so my advice won't count for much, but...I hope this teaches you next time to nip crushes in the bud! When you find yourself attracted to someone talk to them ASAP!

I had a crush on this new guy at work, talked to him the next day (nervous as he||), found out he was a total jerk, and now I no longer have a crush on him  Imagine if I had waited a week/month to talk to him? I would have been soooo nervous and soooo devastated by his reaction.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

BeNice said:


> You can have some neighbors you talk to every single day, and then others who won't even make eye contact.


Very true...I cant stand it if I say 'hello' to someone and they dont respond...or I wave and they dont wave back. Many people do not have class these days. I get utmost PO'd if i'm at work and I say hello to someone and they ignore me. I'll say to my coworkers 'must not speak English', almost loud enough to where the person may or may not hear me. So when they need help and ask a question I try my best to ignore them and see how they like it.

Some of my neighbors are like that also. If I wave and you dont wave back or act like you didnt see me, maybe next time i'll wave this:

..!..

then we'll see if you were watching.


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

There is this other girl down the street who does go to the same college as me. I refrained from mentioning her earlier to prevent confusion, but she is someone I have been watching too. I just don't see her quite as much because she does not live right across the street. 

Anyway, I was waiting by the window again for the girl from across the street to come home so I could go out and get the mail as she get out of her car. Well the other girl, who I also find very beautiful too but in a very different way, came by with her dog to mail something out and let her dog run around a bit. So I ran outside to get the mail and saw her. She said hello and I said hi. She had her dog there and my cat followed me so we exchanged just a couple words about the pets and that was about it. I got so nervous I started shaking really bad. I had to move over to the big mailbox and get my mail to kinda hide myself. I can't believe how nervous I got. I am still a little shaky now as I type this...

How do I deal with this nervousness?? It seems so bad now that I feel overwhelmed to do anything about it. 

And is it wrong to have a crush on more than one girl? There are actually like 4 or 5 in total that I keep my eye on. I figured I should keep my options open, right? A crush like this is a biological thing, so it is ok, right?? :stu


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*

[quote="Mindflyer"How do I deal with this nervousness?? It seems so bad now that I feel overwhelmed to do anything about it.

And is it wrong to have a crush on more than one girl? There are actually like 4 or 5 in total that I keep my eye on. I figured I should keep my options open, right? A crush like this is a biological thing, so it is ok, right?? :stu[/quote]

Haha, you're so cute! Yes, it's okay to have many crushes. That's probably a smart thing as to not pin all your hopes on one person.

And with the nervousness...I'd say be nervous and go with it. Shake if you must. Make a complete nervous fool out of yourself and realize that you'll survive. I've done that over and over and over again and I still live! the key, I think, is to keep yourself preoccupied and moving so that you don't think back "hey, I looked like an idiot"


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

" And is it wrong to have a crush on more than one girl? "

No way man. Depends on your definition of crush really. I personally cant have deep feelings for more than 1 person (ie: crush on more 2 or more people), at least it's never happened yet. I'll crush hard on one person. But, if you have light crushes, you can probably do so on 2+ girls (reminds me of high school).

As far as nervousness...i've slowly (very slowly) lowered my anxiety levels over the last 6 months. I was a mega-salt dude (i'd put so much salt on stuff), I cut that in february completely from my diet. I take Omega 3's 2x daily + 1 Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc multivitamin daily...that really helped after about 2 months (April/May). I was still slightly anxious (but definitely not as much as before) and i've started lifting weights and either the weights or the high quality Whey Protein really sunk my anxiety levels. I think its the whey protein as i'll take it on days i'm not working out either and I feel better (I actually recommend it even if you dont lift weights - its extremely good for you and your body, especially cells, immune system, believe nervous system, etc.).

Needless to say i've tried everything for the short-term 'anxiety-shutdown' quickie except from prescription drugs (will avoid at all cost / never tried them and dont want to). The only thing I could think of from all the reading i've done on drugs are Beta Blockers, which for the most part, are safe with nearly no side effects (except no anxiety of course). Actually can be beneficial to your blood pressure and your heart (lowers adrenaline = relaxed heart). I've never taken them cause I stay away from prescription drugs but i've read a lot of performers use them (musicians, etc.) to cure stage fright. 

Thats probably your best, short-term shot (beta blockers), or some kind of natural herbs. Obviously alcohol works too but you likely wouldn't want to use that in this scenario, lol.

Nonetheless, your question, 'How do I deal with this nervousness' is the question we all have been seeking the answer for


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

" And with the nervousness...I'd say be nervous and go with it. Shake if you must. Make a complete nervous fool out of yourself and realize that you'll survive. I've done that over and over and over again and I still live! "

This is a great approach, also. Sometimes you just have to say the hell with it and just do it, nervous like hell or not. I had to do this in college (presentations), oh god I hated that, so much...I dreaded for weeks on presentations. But I had to do them and after the first few months I basically just said 'what the hell ever i'll just be nervous I dont care anymore'. So i'd go through with it, nervously, shaking/trembling, etc. Sucked, but it was great relief when it was done. 

Just do it man, you likely dont want to deal with doctors/drugs right now (that'll be another few weeks delay). To hell with the nervousness, take on a 'whatever' attitude to the situation. 'Whatever if i'm nervous I dont care anymore'...think that to yourself before talking to her and during talking to her. Or you can do other things...if you're religious, ask god to help you, etc. The grass is much greener on the other side of the mountain, climb it, nervously or not, and you shall seek your rewards


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*

Does salt actually cause more nervousness? I really like salt and I put a lot on my food.

Well I saw the girl from across the street come home today, so once again, I came running outside with my mail box key. She started walking towards her house as I came out and only quickly turned and gave me an expressionless glance and that was it 

The other girl with the dog seems to walk to the park next to my house on a daily basis, sometime in the mid afternoon. Going out and getting the mail each time she is there might look kinda dorky to her after a while. Next time I see her head to the park, what should I do? Go out there and just talk to her? Would that be ok or would I look weird?

I can see the girl across the street right now. She is working on some project in her garage. I wish she would go away. I can't stop looking. A LOT of girls really don't realize how beautiful they are. And it seems like the ones who feel insecure about having a boyfriend are some of the most attractive! I noticed on a thread on this site where a bunch of people posted pictures of themselves, that like all of the girls were very very pretty. What the hell? Even the guys looked hansome and clean cut.



NightinGale said:


> Haha, you're so cute!


Thanks :shock You probably have no freakin idea how much that comment inpacts me, and I mean that in a good way. I am not use to hearing such things, so when I do here them, even on the internet, it gives me a tingly feeling inside. I don't think words can really describe it well actually, but it is sort of like getting a small brief taste of what it is like to be with a girl, holding her, touching her hair, and looking deeply into her eyes.

Sorry, don't mean to creep anyone out, especially NightinGale. :um


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> And it seems like the ones who feel insecure about having a boyfriend are some of the most attractive!


Dear Bog I hope this ^^^ is true.

Now there's two girl where the fck have I been? 4-5 girls! sounds exciting.

Does salt increase nervousness? maybe- too much salt can cause hypertension- high blood pressure , so yeah cut down on the salt.

Also- I'm gonna hurt you, stop putting yourself through agony. It seems like you want to talk to any of these girls, but you just don't. You're asking for our advice like the more you have, the more likely you are to succeed. Well let me tell you, you can only plan so much before you just have to do it. All you need is within you.

I really don't know how or when you should approach these girls. You have to be there and just figure it out. And if it's not perfect- who cares one out, 3-4 to go. 
If I were there I would push you into one of them.


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## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> Next time I see her head to the park, what should I do? Go out there and just talk to her? Would that be ok or would I look weird?


Absolutely not. Wave at her, ask what kind of dog it is (yeah skip this if its really obvious), its name, how old, etc. People love to talk about their pets. Its like the weather conversations strangers are always striking up, ya know? The weather is common sense and really not much fun to talk about, and everyone knows this. When someone brings up the weather they're really saying "I would like to talk to you, would you like to talk to me?" So by asking about the dog you're telling her the same.

Beyond that ask about her. Social bonding is all about reciprocal exchanges, so work on that. Ask her what she does, tell her what you do, and continue exchanging and upping the ante a little.

Don't tell her you watch her go down your street every day. Let the conversation go on about the dog for a few minutes, ask what she does a bit, etc, then use something like "Hey, I think I've seen you walking the dog down Maple Street before." If reciprocity is going like it should she should say something like "yea, do you live on Maple Street?"


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> Sorry, don't mean to creep anyone out, especially NightinGale. :um


I'm not creeped out, Mindflyer. I've been there, too, longing to hold someone. It'll happen, I promise, as long as you put yourself out there repeatedly. And you're doing a wonderful job as is.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

any luck yet?


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Futures said:


> any luck yet?


No.

My attention has sort of shifted to the other girl down the street with the dog.

Just the other day I ran into her outside at the mail box and we talked a bit. It was pleasant, but she started walking away as though she was just being nice to her neighbor but that was it. How do I get her to stay longer?


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Mindflyer said:


> Futures said:
> 
> 
> > any luck yet?
> ...


 :lol


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Prodigal Son said:


> Mindflyer said:
> 
> 
> > Futures said:
> ...


He's playin the field! 8)

As for getting her to stop walking away. Hmm I don't really know. The obvious answer would be to keep talking to her, but hey this is a SA site and if we were all that smooth, we wouldn't be here.

Maybe you can try to pet the dog or something. I doubt she'll try to walk away if you're doing that.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

The obvious answer is to chain her to the mail box so she can't get away next time.


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## Mindflyer (Mar 25, 2007)

*Re: re: Need help getting to know girl across the street!*



Futures said:


> Maybe you can try to pet the dog or something. I doubt she'll try to walk away if you're doing that.


I did that actually, and that is why I was able to talk to her as long as I did. Her dog is super friendly to anyone so it didn't mind me petting it. It also gave me a good reason to talk about her dog.


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