# Somebody tell me I'm not alone



## Somebody took my wombat (Mar 25, 2009)

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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

I know what you mean about the whole 'making friends in high school'. I was very shy and reserved in high school (mainly because of my weight), that I only really made friends with a few people. I still think back and wonder "What if I had done so and so, would things be different now?" It's pretty hard to deal with, I think about it almost everyday, I think part of life is learning how to deal with letdowns and learning to recuperate and become stronger from them, for example if you try talking to people and say a few people just seem uninterested, don't let that get you down, it's not you, it's them, just reorganize and try again. You will find people who are similar and can talk to them about anything, but nothing can happen if you don't gather the courage to do something. 

Even though I do it, I don't think it's a good thing to dwell on what could have happened, because it's in the past and you can't change it, just focus on the present, and focus on what you can do to change it, don't let it hinder you socially, but use it to your advantage, you don't like being shy and passive, so use it to motivate you to take the courage to do something about it.

Part of life is that some things are not under your control, so you can learn and grow from different experiences, if everything were the same, then life would get boring fast.

Hope that made sense =)


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

You're not alone. I have most trouble interacting with people my own age, too. If somebody my own age is friendly towards me, I'm strongly compelled to run away fast before they find out that I'm an idiot, before I spoil it. I know it's irrational, but it's hard to shake. Dunno about wanting to be a god though, I'd settle for having a few good friends


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## isobelle (Mar 21, 2009)

it sounds like you're angry/frustrated with not getting what you want and need from others. however, you can only control yourself. you will find a lot of freedom when you realize that and accept it. it's a lot easier than trying to control others.

but, you're not alone in what you feel. many other people struggle with needing to be in control.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Ok so... I have a lab partner who's been asking me randomly if I want to do this or that, and I just avoid answering basically, and it makes me realize that I'm AFRAID of people liking me, because then I have to hang out with them and stuff and expose my extreme anxieties and limitations and problems etc. 

Like... I don't WANT one of the few guys I actually find attractive to talk to me because I don't WANT anymore failed relationships, heartbreaks, disappointments, or things to dwell on.

I think that relates to somethig you said...

I also can't settle for just... me. I want to be... the best. I want people to place me above everyone else. I know it's wrong, but it's true.


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## Adelleda (Apr 14, 2009)

Oh my mistake, must have misinterpreted what you said, although I'm very glad that you like yourself the way you are =)
I understand being afraid of being rejected for the 'real' you, that is a scary thought. 
But best of luck in your progress!


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## isobelle (Mar 21, 2009)

Somebody took my wombat said:


> Now that's changed becuase I like the person I am today. There are things I want to change about myself of course, but I think that's true for everyone. I _want_ to make real friends now. But now, instead of being afraid people won't like me, I'm afraid people will like me. I'm afraid that if I reach out to people, they'll actually give me a chance and then I'll have some new standard to live up to. Not that I feel like I have to live up to other people's standards, but...well, maybe I do a little bit, if they're people who I respect and look up to. I just want to fit in with people who I have something in common with. And now that I have a better idea of who I am, I have a better idea of who those people might be. It scares me to think of befriending such people because then I'm allowing myself to be rejected on the basis of something real, instead of some persona I've adopted to try to blend in.


wow...i feel like you put into words something i've been struggling with for a long time...

i like the person i've become, except for the fact that i want to accomplish more...but personality-wise, i like myself. yet, i still find it difficult to share myself with people. i've been trying to get back in touch with a few old friends and family members, but i feel...

actually, a lot of the time i feel bored and impatient. it's like, for them social interactions happen naturally. for me their so much work, so i want the few interactions i have to be worth it! it's like, the people i talk to don't appreciate how much i've had to work at it. or they do, but they're not willing to put in any effort like i've had to put in.

i find myself getting impatient with people who don't realize how good they have it.

it's sort of like going out to dinner at a really nice restaurant with people who don't appreciate good food. you're noticing and feeling all sorts of things that they don't even care about. for them it's just another meal. it makes it me want to give up again.


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## lazy (Nov 19, 2008)

Somebody took my wombat said:


> It bothers me that I can't control eveyone. I want everyone to behave exactly the way I want them to and I want everyone to not just like me, but love me and worship me. Basically, I want to be god. Maybe I should form a cult or something...


That's not good, maybe this is why you can't socialize? What are your interests?


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

You could form a new social group...the "Somebody took my wombat" worshippers, lol

I can relate to your story  The best solution is to not avoid anyone, even if they might find something out about you that is embarrassing or imperfect. Face up to it. Easier said than done of course. I don't claim to have mastered this in case you're wondering. I have avoidant issues myself.


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## madee (Apr 26, 2009)

Somebody took my wombat said:


> It bothers me that I can't control eveyone. I want everyone to behave exactly the way I want them to and I want everyone to not just like me, but love me and worship me.


I feel like I'm that way, too. At least with guys. I tend to go for the guys that I think I'm better than with the expectation that they will adore me. It's never actually worked out that way, though.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

The only control that we have over is over ourselves. You can't control others reactions towards you. If your not going to be going to school where do you plan to get your practice in interacting with people? It's important to maintain this through a club, group, etc. While, reading your post I actually wish that you would continue to go to school. I can see how one might need a break from school sometimes, but just make sure that you continue when the semester is over. 

I've been at uni for two years and have barely spoken to many people. I know how difficult it has been for me. I would say on a scale of 1-10, My SA is constantly about an 8/10 at any given time. The courage in me to make it through these past two years has been amazing! I am so proud of myself. You should be too.


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## SloopjohnB (Jan 1, 2009)

It took me about three years at my college to finally get a handle on the social aspect. 

The thing I noticed recently about high school and earlier was that the social aspect was sort of tailor-made for everyone. You were bound to make friends if you went to class everyday. 

But the weird thing is how when you leave high school, college doesn't offer it to you, you have to make it happen with hard work. This is the key in my case, I learned to start making the moves to make friends instead of waiting for them to do it. 

I think that is the toughest part of adulthood, just learning to make new friends and expect that it will not be no guarantee that they will be around the next semester.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

Strangely, I found it incredibly difficult to make friends in high school. Friendship was more complicated, than just "going to class". College, some people tried, I was just to blind to see it. Now I am having a hell of a time trying to make friends.
I dont' want everyone to worship and adore me. I just want a couple of good/ consistent friends who I have stuff in common with & we have a healthy relationship of mutual respect.


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## entropy (May 1, 2009)

Yeah, I would like to have friends too. I have tried, but other women did not want to be my friends. Most of my acquaintances are men, which is fine with me, but there are some things that we just can't relate to. All of this time I was bummed out about not having any female friends, I failed to realize that I had a best friend in my mother, and that there will never be a friend better than her. She died all too soon. 

But I don't want friends for the sake of having friends. I want true friends, if there is such a thing. So many people have called themselves being my friend, but they were just taking advantage of my kindness. I guess I have to learn how to trust people again.


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