# How to talk to my therapist about anxiety when I have too much anxiety to talk



## ThadeRiver (Sep 11, 2017)

Hello, this is my first post. I've had social anxiety my whole life. I've been to many therapists over the years, I've stuck with each therapist for over a year each, but I keep having the same problem: I don't talk. I have so much anxiety (which heightens in the waiting room) that when I get into the session I just freeze and don't say a word. Different therapists have responded differently to this. Sometimes my therapist did all the talking, waiting for me to get comfortable, which sometimes worked and I could talk for the last 10 minutes of the session. One therapist I had just sat in silence with me for nearly the whole session, which was honestly the worse experience of my life. 
My current therapist specializes in EMDR therapy which to me sounds really promising. But at the second session we tried to jump right into it and I just couldn't handle it at all. So she thought maybe if we got to know each other more I would feel comfortable enough to do the therapy. But I've spent the last 4 sessions now listening to her talk and I have so much I wish I could say but I just can't talk. 
I've thought about writing it out to her, but I don't know how to get my thoughts out even on paper. Also I had tried it in the past and I usually have too much anxiety to hand the therapist the letter. 

Any ideas? How have you talked to your therapist when anxiety stops you from talking?


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## rj2060 (Mar 21, 2010)

That's a great question. You're message here might be a good start. Can you mail it to her office? I think the therapist needs to understand that anxiety makes it difficult to think. And that it can make it difficult to concentrate on what people are saying and remember what people have said. That is something basic that all therapists should have learned in psychology courses. If they don't have any techniques for handling this it will be difficult for them to help someone with any type of anxiety.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I always brought an index card with me. It helped me say everything and not forget plus could just hand it to them if I was too scared to talk .


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

1. Write your thoughts down prior to the session and just present the paper to the therapist when the session starts
2. Starting a medication regimen would probably ameliorate your anxiety to such levels that you can air your thoughts more easily to a therapist

Don't worry, there is hope. At first I didn't even have the courage to make an appointment. For years I procrastinated contacting a psychiatrist because I was afraid of saying the magic words: "i have anxiety and need to book an appointment".

The fact that you're still trying means there is hope!


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## relm1 (Sep 13, 2016)

Does your therapist specialize in Social Anxiety Disorder? If not, they might not know how to help reduce your triggering events so perhaps look for a specialist. Also, you are clearly able to write your feelings concisely, what if you wrote it down for your therapist first.


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## Gloaming (Aug 1, 2017)

Others have mentioned this, but try writing down things you want to bring up! Any decent therapist will be totally understanding and won't mind you bringing notes in. Is there any chance you could arrange things so you aren't in the waiting room for very long, or at all?


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## SerialPillock (Mar 17, 2017)

To me, a good therapist will have you talking without thinking about it regardless of how you feel. They'll know how to make you feel safe no matter what, when to talk, what to say and when to stop you so you don't get yourself too upset etc. Just my experience though.


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## rockbottomrage (Feb 26, 2017)

I also think you should consider medication. If you're having issues talking to a therapist, it's worth thinking about imo.


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## TippyTappy (Oct 11, 2017)

Hi ThadRiver. I just talked to my therapist today, and woo was it a tense. Like you mentioned I have trouble talking to to them and feel very anxious about when I do. I am even afraid to smile sometime with the one I have now. There was one in the past that had a more assertive way of handling topics and conversations so I felt the pressure wasn't all on me and I for some reason could laugh more. Though, it can be very unconformable having sessions for a lot of people I'm guessing. Usually once I start saying something to my therapist, if I stop she sits there smiling at me and nodding for a very long time. It's unnerving, and I grow steadily more fidgety and say things like "yep..." While screaming on the inside _"help me!_"

But, I think it is great that you stick with each therapist for awhile to give them a go. Maybe it will be helpful to look at something else while you assess your thoughts :/ and try to talk to them. I know it takes a great deal of effort for me to concentrate on what my therapist says while practicing good eye contact. Though when I break it away for a while, and look at something else my thoughts and words comes more clearly. Something else that might be helpful is having a type of activity with your therapist where you can busy yourself with something else while you two talk. Mine, has drawing activities. But, sadly we are usually quiet through them. Though with concentrating on something else it possibly can help take the pressure off.


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## barbj (Oct 19, 2017)

I had the same problem, I would open my mouth and no words would come out. If your therapist allows you to send an email ahead of the appt, that really helped. I was careful not to abuse the privilege, didn't write a novel, just did it to get out the basic thoughts to get the conversation started. Overtime, I didn't need to do it anymore.


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## Pastille (Oct 19, 2017)

Hi. I'm going to write down my stuff for therapy otherwise I know that I'll forget significant stuff. Once your therapist reads it you will be talking about it anyway but it breaks the ice on the subject. I can't possibly remember everything and then I'll be kicking myself so I have to. Once you start writing it will come easier. I make notes as I think of things then when I've got time and feel right I put it together. But I think that to email your therapist beforehand is a great idea, I'm gonna be doing that. Good luck


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