# Do You Ghost People?



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

And why?

If you do then what is your reason for doing so if you don't mind sharing. 

I will be nice and give you all a third option to pick from.


Ghost as in you have a friend but then for whatever reason you don't talk to them anymore.


----------



## Tomorrowisalongtime (Jan 15, 2019)

Do you mean scare them? :boogie


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

if I'm not talking to them it's because they're not my friend, or because we've become distant or they make me anxious or uncomfortable or I just dont have the energy. I'll usually still answer direct questions.


----------



## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I don't really ghost people, but I do kind of suck at maintaining friendships. My only friend that I see regularly goes to the gym at the same time I do. My other friends that I actually want to remain friends with I try to text every now and then and hang out with a couple times a year.

Between work, being serious about the gym, spending time with my girlfriend, and having time to relax it just doesn't leave much energy or motivation to hang out with anyone very much. I don't ignore anyone if they contact me though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I've done it a few times with old friends of mine, although it's not something I'm necessarily happy about.

It was for different reasons with each of them - but involved a number of things. Moving to a different city a long way away from them, having my own family and making them a priority was another, not being able to deal with their problems, not wanting one of them in our lives - he took a lot of drugs and I didn't want him near my son, things like that.

One of my closest friends when I was younger has recently gone through some terrible things and I feel very sorry for him. But there's a distance between us now I'm not sure I can deal with it. Things get so complicated.


----------



## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

I do it a lot, but it's never on purpose. I usually take a while to reply to long messages because I want to write a proper reply, but I can accidentally leave it too long and think "it's too late now" and "they'll be annoyed if I reply." Other times, I don't know how to reply to something they've said, or I feel like I'm boring them or that I'm annoying, so I stop replying in case I'm right about that and they didn't know how to tell me they were bored or didn't want to talk.

Some people have worried after I stopped replying and thought they did something wrong or something happened to me, so I felt bad then.


----------



## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

Well one friend owes me money and kept asking for more. That's the most extreme situation. Other than that I am not good at initiating contact with friends, so if they don't initiate either then we just don't talk much anymore.


----------



## Tomorrowisalongtime (Jan 15, 2019)

Haunty said:


> Other than that I am not good at initiating contact with friends, so if they don't initiate either then we just don't talk much anymore.


This


----------



## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

i think i'm usually pretty upfront.


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

I try not to, as I rather stay friendly with everyone.

But some people just don't get that you have your own life and expect you to be ready to keep them company regardless of what plans you might have or what might be going on in your life.


----------



## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I think I did it once, then realised how ****ty it is.

If I have to cut contact with someone, I always, *always*, let them know I am going to do it and why. (that doesn't count with those online skypey friendships that sorta fade out, or I just forget to reply to someone or something).
But yeh, I don't care how bad your social anxiety is if you are going to vanish, without a word, don't start the friendship or whatever, because it sucks.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

If I go ghost anyone it's gonna be you Fun Spirit. Mwuahaahahaha. Sorry, but I only ghost people that I like.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Silent Memory said:


> I do it a lot, but it's never on purpose. I usually take a while to reply to long messages because I want to write a proper reply, but I can accidentally leave it too long and think "it's too late now" and "they'll be annoyed if I reply." Other times, I don't know how to reply to something they've said, or I feel like I'm boring them or that I'm annoying, so I stop replying in case I'm right about that and they didn't know how to tell me they were bored or didn't want to talk.


Same. :sigh I'm not proud of it, I know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end, but my terror is just so great. Nowadays it's often a combo of anxiety first and memory later for me, as in, I'll be too anxious to reply at first, then I'll just...forget it...and by the time I remember so much time has passed that I feel dumb and ashamed and figure they've given up on me, or else I forget about it again, and by then months have passed, so I just...never reply.



> Some people have worried after I stopped replying and thought they did something wrong or something happened to me, so I felt bad then.


What usually happens in my case is the other person gets passive-aggressive/pissed off and if I do respond, they take it out on me or I just never hear from them, period.

OR, I was justified in taking forever to respond because they didn't want me to respond anyway (usually they haven't written back to me yet, either--in effect, _they'd_ ghosted _me_), and me writing to them irritates them even more and they lash out about me "demanding their time" or whatever, even if they'd insisted they were going to reply, before. (I've had this happen MANY times with people I'd thought I was getting along well with. -_- They'd enthusiastically promise a response, I'd wait for weeks/months, I'd send a small sheepish hello or apology, and get a gigantic lambasting about what an awful person I am in response. One person who did it, I'd actually been writing to her for months, we'd gotten back in touch after a lapse in correspondence, I sent her a long e-mail (she'd mentioned being raped when younger and I sympathized and offered support) and she happily promised me she would reply soon, and as I sat and waited weeks to hear from her, she was posting in her journal about how lonely and bored she was, how she would sit at night doing nothing, and inviting others to contact her. My e-mail which she'd promised to reply to sat unread the whole time, I guess. When I finally contacted her again, another friend of hers replied instead, tearing me apart and making lots of misassumptions about our friendship and mocking my "stupid long e-mail" (why was she even reading my private e-mails??), then the first girl herself replied (only after I coldly asked her friend for her to contact me) and tore me apart ("I was raped when I was younger!"--what did that have to do with it?--and this confirmed that she'd never even read the e-mail where I offered support about this--"I've had to cut a lot of friends out of my life!"--yet she couldn't even tell me?--and she was begging in her journal for more people to contact her? :| ) and...God it was so awful. I felt like the lowest speck of life on Earth. I cried for weeks and wanted to die. I still don't understand what went wrong; right up to the end of our correspondence she'd been friendly to me, then it was like a switch was flipped. And that was far from the only time something like that happened.)

There's been one person so far who hasn't been like this, and I've made her wait so long so many times, I don't understand why she puts up with me. She's the one person I can call a friend.

A few times I ghosted people who were rude or pushy. One of them I wrote to for quite a while, though I think they got more out of it than I did; I mainly replied because I was lonely and bored but it was obvious they weren't really into what I was talking about and I wasn't into what they were talking about. Result, my tone with them was a bit more clipped than usual, and I think they picked up on that. We'd go through this cycle where they'd explode at me for whatever reason, I'd stop replying, they'd start sending apologies and promises never to do it again, I'd slowly start responding, we'd resume our correspondence, then after a while they'd blow up again and I'd stop replying and then would come the apologies. The last time it happened, I got fed up. They'd gotten mad at me for a complaint I'd made; they assumed it was aimed at them when it wasn't. But I didn't see the point in explaining since I was tired of this cycle of them losing their temper every so often despite promising not to. I stopped responding. They apologized but I never replied this time. They sent me a random e-mail every once in a while for YEARS afterward (I wish the people I actually thought I got along with were that interested in staying in touch :/ ), were always friendly and said they wished they could hear from me, but...I'm just done. Maybe that was the excuse I needed to end the correspondence which wasn't really going anywhere; I think, like me, they only e-mailed me because they were bored and lonely. Didn't matter to them that we had nothing in common to talk about, but I really prefer something in common or else communication is a chore.

More recently, a guy contacted me on Reddit, asked if we could chat. I said sorry, I don't chat, but we could try PM'ing instead, though I could make no promises to maintain the convo since my history of keeping in touch is very poor and I have bad anxiety. He insisted we should chat, said I could use it as "exposure therapy." I again said no, explained further how anxiety inducing it is, and that I often doze off or step away from the computer or am busy doing something else and can't just sit at the chat all day. But again I said he could PM me. He insisted we should chat, and even said he would sit there and do all the typing himself and I could just read. (I _know_ from experience that that never works, eventually the other party gets pissed if I don't ever respond. What would he get out of talking to me and me not talking back? He could just talk to himself, instead. :roll ) I'd told him repeatedly that I was NOT willing to chat, it was too stressful for me, yet despite that I still kept an avenue of correspondence open (even though I didn't really want to), but it wasn't enough for him. I found this incredibly pushy and selfish, so I never replied after that. If somebody insists on pushing and pushing me to do something that will make me uncomfortable then I have no interest in being in touch with them.

Other times, convos just petered out because we had nothing in common. These people would usually contact me first, saying they weren't into anything I was into but I "seemed interesting." I'd give them a shot, just to be open minded. But it never worked. We'd end up with nothing to do except make smalltalk which for me is excruciating and dull. Or else they'd chatter about their interests, which I wasn't into, but I wouldn't feel free to chat about mine because I didn't want to bore them. So the replies would lessen, they'd get passive-aggressive or else just go along with it, and that would be it. I take it as a red flag now when somebody tells me they aren't into anything I'm into, they don't want to read my writing, but I "seem interesting" so would I like to talk? I'm sorry...I need to have something to talk _about_. What about me possibly comes across as interesting if they aren't into anything I am? Not even my writing? :/ I've gotten lots of criticism about this, people call me narrowminded and picky, but I _used_ to try it and it was never successful, just led to more bad feelings.

But usually I ghost people unintentionally, because my memory sucks and I'm just anxious. -_-

Either way, all of this makes me even MORE anxious to reply to the next person who contacts me, and the cycle continues. It's just easier to keep to myself, to stay lonely, not reach out, not respond, not make friends. This is also the best way for me to avoid hurting others. They perceive me as cold and stuck up, but at least they don't have to go through me getting their hopes up and then falling silent along the way. I don't have to harm their own sense of self-worth the way mine's been harmed.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

Suchness said:


> If I go ghost anyone it's gonna be you Fun Spirit. Mwuahaahahaha. Sorry, but I only ghost people that I like.


Whyyyyyyyy:rofl :rofl 










_Sent from SPIRITO BAMBITO using Tapatalk_


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@tehuti88

A big :hug for you.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Silent Memory said:


> I do it a lot, but it's never on purpose. I usually take a while to reply to long messages because I want to write a proper reply, but I can accidentally leave it too long and think "it's too late now" and "they'll be annoyed if I reply."


You said you were going to reply to me, but you didn't need to reply, as was an answer to your question.



Silent Memory said:


> Other times, I don't know how to reply to something they've said, or I feel like I'm boring them or that I'm annoying, so I stop replying in case I'm right about that and they didn't know how to tell me they were bored or didn't want to talk.


Sometimes people are venting or other and a reply is not needed. It can fuel something that is best left in the past.

In addition, they have things going on in their life that sometimes they see traits of online, so react to that or avoid.

Sometimes they won't say why and never find out why. Nothing to do with you, it is usually their problems they are stressed out about, struggling with.

Keeping away from them is sometimes the best option for you and them (calm down period).

So don't feel bad if you do keep away or don't reply. :hug

I have had people blow up at me in real life and when I see them next, they are back to their old self's. Stress does that to people. Modern life is stressful.

Human's are complicated beings, full of emotion, etc.



Silent Memory said:


> Some people have worried after I stopped replying and thought they did something wrong or something happened to me, so I felt bad then.


People would worry as you are a genuine lovely person. 

You go out of your way to sort issues on this forum, to make things better, which are trait's of a great leader.

I'm impressed.


----------



## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Never intentionally I don't think. I would feel really bad doing that. 

Oh snap I just remembered. I did do it once very intentionally but it was necessary. An old friend of mine was so crazy. Really controlling and just plain mean. So yeah after about 6 years of knowing her I ghosted her. I couldn't get rid of her any other way.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Maybe in the mutual or reactionary sense. I've stopped reaching out to people who didnt seem to put any effort into to talking to me, but i dont think Ive ever said to myself "meh, i dont want to be friends with X anymore" and just ignored their messages.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I'm gonna say no because usually if I stop talking to someone, there is a very specific reason. Not "whatever". Maybe they know what it is but they probably generally don't. So it may be a mystery, I suppose. 

At any rate, I'm nobody. My talking to someone or not is not going to be anything that should bother anyone.

I pulled a disappearing act on this guy I was smoking weed with years ago because weed makes you paranoid anyway and he was making me more paranoid because he asked a lot of questions and I thought he might be trying to get me involved in drug dealing or something I didn't want anything to do with. So I just stopped answering his phone calls.


----------



## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I did a few times with some people I got acquainted in college, but I find them to be too socially invasive and forceful. As in they expect me to drop things on the spot to hang out with them, at least a handful of times per week. Until I found out, that is actually very normal and typical with many friendships at that age. But that is too much for me, so I ghosted them. Knowing if I comply with them each time to build that friendship, it will only get worse with their social invasiveness. 

Although with my own friends, especially quite a few long time and once close friends, I am always the one who gets ghosted by them. Yet they do not do so at all to other mutual friends of mine. Which really stings my self esteem. It use to bother me a lot for a long time. But it's been a while, so looking back I just accept it and I don't think about them much anymore. Much more important things on my mind to sulk about now than past friends. But thinking back now, it's still kind of sad as I never knew why the single me out to ghost me. It must've been every time any of them are alone with me, there are always long awkward silences. Maybe I am just boring and cannot connect well with people. There was another mutual friend I know they ghosted, but a lot of us didn't like her for good reason. She is a very outgoing, but horrible person. Even then, I know they ghosted me long before they decide to ghost her. Makes me realize as long as you're outgoing and fun to me around with, you get a lot of leeway even if you're a ****ty person.


----------



## lackofflife (Mar 24, 2015)

_


----------



## Quietguy86 (Aug 12, 2018)

I'll be straight forward here, yes I ghost people, I have people on my FB (messenger or my old email account or Myspace obviously not) because I don't have those anymore but on an active site like FB I admit I do ghost people, I will be honest I just haven't given messaging them any thought, I don't even know what I would say. 

I have removed people because there is nothing we have to say to each other, nothing to be said. I ghost people simply because I feel I don't have anything to say, I will ghost a woman if all she wants to be is a texting buddy, if I text you and you reject me and than keep wanting to text as friends forget it, I have a female friend for that already. 

I message the people I want to and ghost those I'm never going to really get to know anyways.


----------



## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

The only friend I have right now that I ever see, I'm not sure whether I ghost them or not. The thing is I have to contact them basically, or I never hear from them. So if I want to hang out or something I always have to initiate the conversation. But, on the other hand maybe, I'm ghosting them, because I used to hang out with them often, I think I had to do the same thing. But then I didn't hang out for a while, and stopped.

I had another friend, but I think we both ghosted each other. Because we used to go to church together. But when he stopped going he only contacted me if he needed my help. Last time I saw him, which was two years ago now, he told me to hit him up if I wanted to hang out. But I haven't, and I haven't heard from him either. So I've just kind of let the friendship go.


----------



## discopotato (Dec 24, 2016)

I try not to.


----------



## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

I can't afford to lol but I wouldn't anyway cause it seems a bit rude


----------



## Lostbeauties (Nov 15, 2017)

I do sometimes, it depends on who I'm speaking to. If it's someone I really like and I enjoy their company, I'd reply a little faster than if it was someone I wasn't as close to. It's never intentional though I wouldn't actually completely ignore someone without giving them some kind of reason to stop the communication. In any case it always depends on who it is.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

discopotato said:


> I try not to.


Would we ghost Craig?


----------



## discopotato (Dec 24, 2016)

Suchness said:


> Would we ghost Craig?


We can't! Craig needs us

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

I dunno; I only recently learned what the word means. But does "ghosting" really only apply to 'friends?' I don't even really understand what constitutes friendship. Sometimes if I'm talking to someone online, I'll find myself inadvertently getting too familiar with them, and the best way to deal with that for me is just to stop talking to them. But I don't know if any of them were really ever considered "friends." Acquaintances at best I'd say. 

I guess it's an unfortunate side effect of my introversion, and possibly a problem with intimacy and commitment.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

* *


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

discopotato said:


> We can't! Craig needs us
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


And we need Craig.


----------



## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

there isnt a person i wouldnt ghost


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yes, I do. I'm a **** head.


----------



## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

I give it my best shot.


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Yes.
Because all the sudden it feels like such a burden to maintain the friendship.
Also because I hate most people, and as soon as I don't have to have some sort of relationship with them anymore(e.g. don't meet them on a daily basis anymore) I ghost the freaking hell out of them.

Recently I've upped my game even more. I don't even begin relationships with people. In the military I have the number of only two people, and that's solely because at some point I've had to text them.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

I only found out about ghosting on this forum last year. I feel like it's a thing of this decade. When I was growing up some people just stopped talking to each other, it seemed normal and everyone went on with their lives. For me I would ghost someone, depends on how I feel about them. As for me getting ghosted, I could care less. It doesn't change my life and what I've set out to do. I don't care who it is, it could be my parents, grandma, close friend, it doesn't change my life in any big way. 
Last year I really liked this girl and I felt like she ghosted me and it really hurt me, I was surprised how bad it was and I learnt my lesson the hard way. Ghosting can be used as a spiritual practice of learning to let go.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Suchness said:


> *I only found out about ghosting on this forum last year*. I feel like it's a thing of this decade. When I was growing up some people just stopped talking to each other, it seemed normal and everyone went on with their lives. For me I would ghost someone, depends on how I feel about them. As for me getting ghosted, I could care less. It doesn't change my life and what I've set out to do. I don't care who it is, it could be my parents, grandma, close friend, it doesn't change my life in any big way.
> Last year I really liked this girl and I felt like she ghosted me and it really hurt me, I was surprised how bad it was and I learnt my lesson the hard way. Ghosting can be used as a spiritual practice of learning to let go.


I just Googled it and realised I still don't actually even know what it means.

"Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner's attempts to reach out or communicate."

I should have known it was more to do with relationships - as in girlfriends etc. Don't think I've really ever done that.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

harrison said:


> I just Googled it and realised I still don't actually even know what it means.
> 
> "Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner's attempts to reach out or communicate."
> 
> I should have known it was more to do with relationships - as in girlfriends etc. Don't think I've really ever done that.


I think it's with anyone you've been talking to for a while and built some kind of relationship.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Suchness said:


> I think it's with anyone you've been talking to for a while and built some kind of relationship.


Okay.

I think if it was with a girlfriend it would maybe be easier if anything. With friends it can be more complicated - especially people we've known for a very long time.

One of mine I've known since I was 8 years old - so that's 52 years. The relationship becomes very complicated over that length of time - there are slights, both real and imagined, you start to doubt whether you even like them anymore etc etc.

I think I did try to explain to him one time a long time ago that I just didn't really feel all that comfortable with him nowadays - I felt terrible even doing that.

When friendships break up it can be hard to know how to handle it at all in my experience.


----------



## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

harrison said:


> Okay.
> 
> I think if it was with a girlfriend it would maybe be easier if anything. With friends it can be more complicated - especially people we've know for a very long time.
> 
> ...


I think it would be easier if you met someone and texted or talked over the phone for a little while or if it's someone online that you don't get along with. I don't think I could do it to a girlfriend.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Suchness said:


> I think it would be easier if you met someone and texted or talked over the phone for a little while or if it's someone online that you don't get along with. I don't think I could do it to a girlfriend.


No, I probably couldn't do it to a girlfriend either. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.

I'm not very good at leaving people - they sort of have to leave me I think. :roll

(although I did with the last one a few years ago - she hurt me and had lied so much that it made me mad.) You'd think by my age I would have learned - but it doesn't necessarily get any easier. Now I'm just tired of it - and I'm getting too old for all that crap thank God.


----------



## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

As a teen I ghosted some friends and relatives, which was pretty dumb looking back. Including one of my best friends. I don't know why exactly, but its more of being self defeating rather than mean or disliking the other person. He was really surprised and the reaction left me feeling pretty guilty. We became friends again, thankfully, a long time ago though. Ghosting was something picked up from getting ghosted myself. Can leave a lot of questions when that happens, if they moved on or if you did something bad. I wouldn't do it again hopefully.


----------



## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

harrison said:


> I just Googled it and realised I still don't actually even know what it means.
> 
> "Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner's attempts to reach out or communicate."
> 
> I should have known it was more to do with relationships - as in girlfriends etc. Don't think I've really ever done that.


It can also be when two people meet for a first date. One ghosts, which means not even showing up and never responding to the other person afterwards. It's something more common these days with dating apps.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Musicfan69 said:


> It can also be when two people meet for a first date. One ghosts, which means not even showing up and never responding to the other person afterwards. It's something more common these days with dating apps.


Jee, that's a pretty mean thing to do.

Also, I just realised your avatar looks a lot like my wife's dog.


----------



## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

harrison said:


> Jee, that's a pretty mean thing to do.
> 
> Also, I just realised your avatar looks a lot like my wife's dog.


Black labs are awesome!


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Musicfan69 said:


> Black labs are awesome!


Yeah, we've had a couple of labs now. Her latest one is black - but I like the blond ones more tbh. You can see the expression their faces more clearly.

My wife says I'm racist.


----------



## Musicfan (Mar 4, 2017)

harrison said:


> Yeah, we've had a couple of labs now. Her latest one is black - but I like the blond ones more tbh. You can see the expression their faces more clearly.
> 
> My wife says I'm racist.


lol'd :laugh:


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Yes I do actually, not sure why, maybe my inner ghost is showing, I just don't like getting too attached to people cause that gives them a certain power over me, people abused that power in the past so ain't nobody getting it again.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

I don't ghost close friends.

_ Sent from SPIRITO BAMBITO using Tapatalk_


----------



## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Yes, I have a number of times, not in the I’ve removed you from platforms or whatever, usually just through silence


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I'm kinda under the impression that ghosting is wrong. There are sometimes when I feel like I should be noticed and they aren't, then I start distancing myself, and wait and see what happens. It's a test to see if they really care enough to contact me or not. If they don't then I start to think they probably weren't a friend anyways.


----------



## Excaliber (May 16, 2015)

There is only one person I ghosted but we had been drifting apart for a long time and I did it for my own good. After my dad passed away he was always being negative and putting me down. I finally had enough, and haven't talked to him for at least 4 years now.


----------



## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Yes. Normally just on the internet though. It's a strange place with stranger inhabitants. **** gets too weird sometimes.


----------



## D'avjo (Sep 23, 2018)

not friends just ****s


----------



## PurplePeopleEater (May 10, 2017)

I try not to do it. :/

If they're really cool, I'll try to keep talking to them. Sometimes, my anxiety gets in the way. Then, when I find out someone quits talking to me, I'm not sure if I should initiate or not. It gets rather awkward. I suck at initiating and it's something I'm trying to work on.


----------



## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

Thread made me realize I forgot to respond to a couple of texts. I don't intentionally set out to do it, it just sort of happens. I don't have much to talk about, so going awhile without contact, or ending it, never bothered me either way.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

> I am not good at initiating contact with friends, so if they don't initiate either then we just don't talk much anymore.


I am the same way. I hate it.


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I have the opposite problem. Other people ghost _me_ when it finally sinks in what kind of person they've been talking to. Sometimes it takes a few months, but when it does, the panic is palpable. Iow, I 'zombie' people (send them running in horror). Feels good, man. :rain


----------



## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I_Exist said:


> I'm kinda under the impression that ghosting is wrong. There are sometimes when I feel like I should be noticed and they aren't, then I start distancing myself, and wait and see what happens. It's a test to see if they really care enough to contact me or not. If they don't then I start to think they probably weren't a friend anyways.


Or they found it upsetting / annoying that you ghosted them, or distanced yourself. Self fulfilling prophecy.


----------



## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

I'll ghost someone if they don't allow me to explain what my problem is or if it's unfixable. Generally I try to talk it out. Depending on the other person's maturity level and our compatibility, sometimes the issue can be fixed (mostly not, though). 

So, if someone is being creepy, ghost. If someone can't take any criticism without getting suicidal, ghost. Sorry guys. I want to be fair but I want to look after my wellbeing too.


----------



## anonymoususer2 (Feb 13, 2018)

Fun Spirit said:


> And why?
> 
> If you do then what is your reason for doing so if you don't mind sharing.
> 
> ...


Yes, but only in extreme situations. When you enter a relationship with someone you are making a commitment to them and it would be considerate that you inform them that you no longer want to be a part of their life.

If you can not properly communicate your issues or insecurities and are unable to be vulnerable to others or confront issues it's best that you work on yourself and resolve these issues so you can have sustainable relationships in life later.

If you go around abandoned people you will only be self-fulfilling your loneliness and others not being around. Sometimes, you do need to cut people out of life and I have done this with a lot of people but it's best to state why you are making this decision not because you necessarily owe anyone anything but because it's the right thing to do and wont bring unnecessary problems later.

The only time that I would support ghosting would be in abusive situations and its the only reason I have ever done it. I have cut out family members because of their abuse; threats of violence, nasty words and minimizing behaviors, gossiping and gaslighting.

Unless you are in immediate danger or something is very harmful to your well-being you ought to just be an adult about these situations If you don't know how to communicate your issues to others you should learn. Ghosting IMO is a lack of emotional maturity.


----------



## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

truant said:


> I have the opposite problem. Other people ghost _me_ when it finally sinks in what kind of person they've been talking to. Sometimes it takes a few months, but when it does, the panic is palpable. Iow, I 'zombie' people (send them running in horror). Feels good, man. :rain


^ Pretty much this for me too.


----------



## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

PurplePeopleEater said:


> I try not to do it. :/
> 
> If they're really cool, I'll try to keep talking to them. Sometimes, my anxiety gets in the way. Then, when I find out someone quits talking to me, I'm not sure if I should initiate or not. It gets rather awkward. I suck at initiating and it's something I'm trying to work on.


Me too, but unfortunately I lost a friend due to this. They got to where they'd only contact me if they needed my help with something, and last time I saw them, it was like they placed the responsibility on me to contact them if I wanted to do anything. Well, you can guess that I haven't heard from them in two years because of that.

I also have another friend that's the same way. I never will hear from them unless I contact them first. In this case I'll at least contact them, but I have trouble initiating too so I really only meet up with them every few months.


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

SplendidBob said:


> Or they found it upsetting / annoying that you ghosted them, or distanced yourself. Self fulfilling prophecy.


I've observed people for years and years and years, I doubt that. No they simply don't care.


----------



## leaf in the wind (Mar 28, 2017)

I naturally grow apart with people, as others do, but I've never just ghosted someone. It's never happened to me either... even when casually dating, we at least have a brief conversation to confirm we're ending things.

Oh wait, actually I just remembered I ghosted my family for nine months. I left in the middle of the night and didn't speak or answer their calls that entire time, and I'm not on social media. They literally wouldn't have known whether I had died or not.


----------



## PurplePeopleEater (May 10, 2017)

shyguy07 said:


> Me too, but unfortunately I lost a friend due to this. They got to where they'd only contact me if they needed my help with something, and last time I saw them, it was like they placed the responsibility on me to contact them if I wanted to do anything. Well, you can guess that I haven't heard from them in two years because of that.
> 
> I also have another friend that's the same way. I never will hear from them unless I contact them first. In this case I'll at least contact them, but I have trouble initiating too so I really only meet up with them every few months.


Yea, it sucks when you have to do the initiating 100 percent of the time. It can be rather awkward cause of overthinking it thinking you're going to bother them.

I don't have any friends around my age but I have a friend that's like 54 if you can consider that a friend since I'm 25. Recently started hanging out with her. But I don't have much of a problem initiating with her. I have a problem doing it with people around my age.


----------



## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Perhaps. I've had claims of people thinking that I was dead or dropped out of school back in my uni days. Then at the same time, most of my connections with people only last six months or less (due to me constantly moving, loss of interest from the person, me having different priorities, etc).

I tend not to not ghost when a person is genuinely interested [and makes an effort] in hanging out/getting to me know me. However, even these cases quickly come to an end at some point.


----------



## Valkatox (Oct 3, 2018)

I don't really. But the last time I was ghosted was quite funny.
It was admitted to me that my ex got very jealous as she ghosted me on deviantart (despite me blocking her) and she got very jealous thinking I was involved with some girl I followed. 
I wasn't even aware of who this girl was when she mentioned it! Following people just gives you notifications when they upload something and I follow quite a few people. It's just similar to liking a page on Facebook or something.

Apparently that means you're dating the person to her though! xD


----------



## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Yes all the time growing up. I actually just lost a friend of 8 years for ghosting him for 2 days!To be fair he was the initiator 70% of the time and I would never listen to his relationship problems or whatever drama he wanted to discuss. I only use people when I'm bored and I never care about their "problems". This is why I don't deserve to have friends.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

***** no! I'm notoriously bad when it comes to replying to text messages or the sort but I reply when I can.


----------



## Candied Peanuts (Oct 23, 2017)

Yes, and I'm not proud of it. The last person I ghosted was making me uncomfortable, so I stopped replying to his messages.


----------



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

I am pretty much ghosting my former High School classmate. The last time I had talked with them was December of 2018. They lost their phone. They haven't contacted me in 1-2 months. They contacted me a month ago after the 1-2 months later. Unfortunately for them I been using their absence to my advantage. They don't deserve it but I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to associate with my high school classmates anymore or any fomer things. I had a major change in my life that is requiring me to let go of the past. To leave some things and people behind. I see it as some people are not meant to be around you in the next level. This is where our friendship path end.


----------



## Solomoon (Dec 29, 2017)

There's probably a debate to be had as to what is defined as ghosting. When people I've known in real life don't respond to something I wrote until months later, or not at all, is that necessairily ghosting? They may just see it as having nothing to say. This is one reason I gave up almost entirely on talking to people online that I know/knew in real life. Almost all of them pull this stuff. For whatever reason, if you're in person with them, they'll be friendly, if it's online, they won't. Even with me over a thousand miles away it doesn't change this apparent rule that they won't talk to me much, if at all, online.

As for myself there's been two main incidents I ghosted someone. The situations were very different but I regret it both times. It would have been better to have just talked to them and have told them where my head is at. Long story short I feel bad about it and wouldn't recommend ghosting.


----------



## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

Yeah, I know better though. Trying to argue with people I disagree with often just is pointless, leaving a memo behind detailing why I don't want to talk with them anymore is just dumb. I'm afraid that others may think I am ghosting them though, when in reality the fact of the matter is I just agree with them and there is little else to say. That is about the extent of my worrying when it comes to the topic of ghosting though.


Why is it considered such a bad thing to ghost people to begin with? It ultimately comes down to ghosting anyway, you say your piece they say their piece, this trend goes on until one just stops responding, why not just cut past all of the BS, and go to the inevitable result. I've ghosted people before, because I think they are irredeemable scumbags that don't warrant a long winded message they will just ignore anyway. I have a "friend" on facebook that constantly pushes out ridiculous memes regarding patriotism, paranoia, conspiracy, idiotic conspiracies regarding gun protesters, and feel no need to participate in his idiocy. Why should I? He is so far gone, it is pointless. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate a long winded post from me telling him how I think he is a scumbag, and how I would rather not associate myself with him anymore. So, I just ignore him.

It comes down to this, if a person is a jerk, I don't feel there need to be a letter of resignation, that will never be accepted in the first place. It serves no purpose, I would rather just end any communication without drawing it out further.


----------



## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

I really need to stop doing this.  I feel bad that it makes people think they've done something wrong or that I'm not interested in talking to them. Some people I've "ghosted" were interesting and very nice, but replying makes me feel nervous most of the time. It's like anything I do could be seen as annoying, which I don't want to be.


----------



## SorryForMyEnglish (Oct 9, 2014)

Same as Silent Memory and tehuti88. I thought I was alone like that.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Silent Memory said:


> I really need to stop doing this.  I feel bad that it makes people think they've done something wrong or that I'm not interested in talking to them. Some people I've "ghosted" were interesting and very nice, but replying makes me feel nervous most of the time. It's like anything I do could be seen as annoying, which I don't want to be.


:hug



SorryForMyEnglish said:


> Same as Silent Memtory and tehuti88. I thought I was alone like that.


:hug
@tehuti88

:hug


----------



## SorryForMyEnglish (Oct 9, 2014)

@Uniman Thanks :grin2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

SorryForMyEnglish said:


> @Uniman Thanks :grin2:


You're welcome.


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Boo!


----------



## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I thought ghosting was when you just cut off communication entirely, usually after a disagreement or fight. Damn, don't get old people, Internet lingo is not as intuitive as it once was. Because of that I'll update my response.

I do kind of ghost people, but usually because I feel awkward and don't know how to continue the conversation. The last person I ghosted was an old friend, who sent me a facebook message going into one of his conspiracy theories. It was some variation of counting letters in a three words to make "666" - just crazy stuff. I ghost my brother when he goes off in his drunken rants, and gets pretty weird. In these scenarios I know no matter what I say, things are not going to go right. I can either argue their points, or agree with them, alternatively I can just ignore it. It is not a form of punishment, mostly that I just don't want to engage with that subject matter. Eventually we will write about something else. 

On SAS, I feel bad when I don't reply. When I get a reply to one of my posts, and I find it interesting, I'll sometimes put off replying, so I can have a meaningful response. By the time I actually get back to it a day or more has passed, and it just feels awkward seeing that so much time has passed. That is not really ghosting though. 

Mostly I ghost people who say really hateful things for no other apparent reason than to be hateful. I might still hold on to their friendship, hoping they will eventually change their views, but I am not interested in being part of their lives while they sort through their own hate. I don't hold on to grudges, and it is not to teach them a lesson, it is just that I don't want to be part of their hate, and I don't want to fight it because that never works. It takes a lot to ghost someone who was a friend though, they have to be pretty persistent with such hatred, a slip up every now and then, is forgivable by me. But really, I don't have anyone to ghost, because I don't really have any friends, just a few people on facebook I knew IRL in the past, I guess I ghosted the world?


----------



## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Yep. Guilty. Although I don't feel bad about it.

I get very distracted. Either that or we didn't have a very strong friendship to begin with. Or maybe we're just at different phases in our lives. Which is completely understandable.

Usually you can predict when I'm about to ghost someone. I start replying less and less in depth, or hanging out with the person less and less. The other person can usually sense that we're not connecting super well anyway, so I see it as a more mutually beneficial path.

You don't have to be friends or stay in contact with everyone you meet or were acquainted with in life. It's okay to part ways. Ghosting, at least in the way I do it now, I don't consider bad/rude. In fact, pretty much the opposite. The type of ghosting I _would_ consider rude is having frequent conversation with someone, and then suddenly not replying for months with no explanation. The only time that is excusable is if an emergency happened or they legitimately lost contact information.

If the person really wants to talk to me again, they can definitely contact me via whatever messenger or site we used to talk on. So it's not even completely shutting someone out. It's just letting a relationship flow its course naturally.


----------



## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

Yes. Sometimes it's because they have treated me badly or our friendship has run out of steam, but i don't know if its really ghosting or just drifting apart.


----------



## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Someone did that to me years ago and it genuinely bothered me because I really liked this person. So try to make an effort not to do that to somebody else. There's times do I don't respond right away though. I'd say its just to get my thoughts in order before I respond or don't have the energy


----------



## Veritastar (Aug 16, 2011)

Not really, because I know how terrible it feels to be ghosted by someone I like. I don’t care if someone I’m not attached to ghosts me though. Almost two and a half years ago the guy I liked ghosted me on Facebook. It’s stuff like THAT that bothers me.


----------

