# Am I the only person here content with having SA and being a recluse?



## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

Let me first start off by stating that I've been a recluse for about 3 years now. At first I hated it, being home all the time with absolutely nothing to do but as time passed I've gradually became more accustomed to it. Being alone puts me in a comfort zone and it's the only time I ever really truly feel at peace now. The last time I left the house was about 2 months ago when a friend forced me to help him buy a HDTV. I get offers from friends and family to go out and _"meet"_ people. Just the other day one of my best friends _(I only have like 2 friends period, so they're both my "best friends" by default)_ tried to hook me up with his girlfriend's "friend". He showed me a picture of her _(she was very attractive) _She even asked my friend to put me on the phone but I had literally no desire to talk to, or meet anyone for that matter. I'm only in my mid 20s but if I never have to interact with any person for the rest of my life It would be fine with me. It seems the only times I really get depressed nowadays are during the few times I do actually go out and "mingle".

I honestly feel like attachments are a waste of time and ultimately they will all end in disappointment anyway. I prefer to avoid them at all cost.

Anyone else feel this way? and is it a positive or negative to do so?


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

hmm. Of course you feel good alone. But if thats what really makes you happy go for it. I recognize that if i was my true self to people, i could be incredibly happy and successful with relationships and money. Thats why i want to change.

But if you really enjoy being alone all the time, i cant say its wrong, its what makes you truly happy.


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## olesilentone (Jan 22, 2011)

At times, I have felt that I could go on being a recluse the rest of my life. Work a job where I can have an alright house and study my interests at night. I have always lived with my family, and get a long alright with them, but I find I feel more relaxed when they are away from the house. The fact is I don't think I really want the company of many people. As much as I want to be more social, I often find that I don't even want to really mingle with a large majority of people. I do have a couple good friends but that's where the line is drawn for the most part.

That said, I am not sure I could really live my life without meeting some kind of companion. I have yet to ever have a real relationship, but I can understand that there's a definite value in that, one that I feel would make me a little more "complete" as they say.

It is a very tough call, but in regards to your question I don't think it is necessarily a negative, just so long as it's not carried out because of some defense of your anxiety, that it's truly something you want. Maybe a bit negative in saying all attachments will end in disappointment, but I don't see any wrong in limiting your social life so long as you feel it's something you truly want without consideration of your anxiety. At least, that's how I would look at the situation for myself.

Edit - I realize I only read your post and didn't look back on the topic. Are you content with having SA? or are you saying you are content being a recluse? One does not have to include the other, so I am just wondering if my post may have missed that aspect.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

olesilentone said:


> Edit - I realize I only read your post and didn't look back on the topic. Are you content with having SA? or are you saying you are content being a recluse? One does not have to include the other, so I am just wondering if my post may have missed that aspect.


I'm content with both at the moment. I used to feel terrible as a teenager because of the fact that I couldn't do simple things that came easy to other guys like having a phone conversation with a member of the opposite sex without first jotting out a list of topics on a piece of scrap paper lol _(SAD, I KNOW, but I actually used to do it)_

Now I don't really care or feel any way about it because I basically have no desire to socialize at all. I'm isolated in my own little world but at the same time I feel more freer than ever, like a enormous weight as been lifted off my shoulders. I guess you can say "I gave up"......but I don't really feel negative about it. Life is less stressful now and I like the feeling of not having to depend on other people to make you happy


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## olesilentone (Jan 22, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> I'm content with both at the moment. I used to feel terrible as a teenager because of the fact that I couldn't do simple things that came easy to other guys like having a phone conversation with a member of the opposite sex without first jotting out a list of topics on a piece of scrap paper lol _(SAD, I KNOW, but I actually used to do it)_
> 
> Now I don't really care or feel any way about it because I basically have no desire to socialize at all. I'm isolated in my own little world but at the same time I feel freer than ever, like a enormous weight as been lifted off my shoulders. I guess you can say "I gave up"......but I don't really feel negative about it. Life is less stressful now


Sounds about how I have felt at times, and it is a really good feeling. There is a lot to be gained in time away from others, I know I have figured a lot about myself when I have had that distance from social tangents in my life.

In regards to making a list for a phone conversation, that isn't that sad. Every conversation I ever had with a girl on the phone was a terrible failure, so making preparation would have probably helped me. Stupid thing about myself is I never prepare well for any oral presentation I have to do since I figure it will not go well anyways. Not the most sound logic on my behalf.:lol


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## Krikorian (May 16, 2011)

The frustrating thing about SA isn't really the _feeling_ of anxiety but the feeling of powerlessness to control it, the feeling of not having a _choice_ whether to have it or not.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

i just learned to accept it, its much easier to give up and just become a robot with no emotional attachments.

It only becomes frustrating when you don't accept and try to fight it

Sci fi, video games, porn, art, reading a good book etc >>>> socializing imo

I know for a fact I wouldn't be happy if I was in a dark club listening to music I don't like and being around people I find repulsive every weekend. Or having a bunch of friends who are always nagging you and bugging you about something. I get enough of that with the 2 friends I already have


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

*the naysayer!*

I do get a lot of enjoyment being alone and thinking deeply about things; I'm an artist, writer, cyclist and I love being in nature. That being said, _I am not sure how honest you are being with yourself_. Why? Cuz as a human, I recognize that those connections matter and while it may be uncomfortable for me, the goal is to make a difference in other people's lives just as much as my own. The best way to do that is to actually go out and be with other people. The net is cool, but it's not quite 'there' yet and few things beat in person interaction.

Being a recluse may come naturally, and if you feel like that is your best option, I can't argue with you. It's your life after all! Just take a long hard look into your inner-works and think about the truth. Are you hiding away from the world because you want to are are you doing so because you feel like there is no other option?

I actually think that it's great you can be content alone. That means if you start to introduce some social stress into your life, you have a strong core to work with. It's technically easier to just manage your own life and not have to feel 'obligated' to check up on friends or girls. It can be frustrating speculating about people's motives and there are arguments! That doesn't mean that those relationships are bad, or that even those arguments are inherently a bad thing. People are really quite resilient.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

sherbert said:


> Being a recluse may come naturally, and if you feel like that is your best option, I can't argue with you. It's your life after all! Just take a long hard look into your inner-works and think about the truth. *Are you hiding away from the world because you want to are are you doing so because you feel like there is no other option? *


both......so it all works out for the best

:clap


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> I honestly feel like attachments are a waste of time and ultimately they will all end in disappointment anyway. I prefer to avoid them at all cost.
> 
> Anyone else feel this way? and is it a positive or negative to do so?


I feel the exact same way. For so many years I felt rejected and isolated, but then I eventually realized I no longer had any interest in socializing. It felt like dead weight to me compared to the freedom of being on my own.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I'm coming around to it actually. As you described Knowbody, when I went out I would feel depressed. It's a bit bizzare or I felt a bit bizzare feeling sad when with people when the norm of social interaction for most people is feeling good around and picking themselves up. 

I would jump at the chance when actually asked if I wanted to go to the pub for example but when we got there I would feel isolated and inwards and down. The last couple of occasions an old friend asked me I just said I didn't want fancy it.

Not that I wouldn't mind a couple of real friends and going out occasionally but doing it under the constraint of an environment you just don't enjoy is no good.

I'm still bored a lot of the time though and I've spent the most part of several years indoors now. I still have to perfect my habbits.


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## ambergris (Oct 15, 2010)

I find that if there aren't other people around to regulate my habits, I go a bit strange: I become nocturnal, never go out, don't eat properly, freak out about random things etc. But in some ways I was happier living alone. I was more sociable online because I wasn't interacting with anyone in person, and I was much more creative because I didn't have other people sucking up my time and energy. I miss that freedom. If I had it back, I think I would use it more wisely.

But yeah, I lost interest in making new friends when I was about nineteen and I never got it back.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Knowbody said:


> ...I had literally no desire to talk to, or meet anyone for that matter. I'm only in my mid 20s but if I never have to interact with any person for the rest of my life *It would be fine with me.* It seems the only times I really get depressed nowadays are during the few times I do actually go out and "mingle".
> 
> I honestly feel like attachments are a waste of time and ultimately they will all end in disappointment anyway. I prefer to avoid them at all cost.


Are we sure you even have SA? If being alone truly doesn't bother you in any way and you wouldn't prefer things to be different than they are (if such was possible) then you don't have SA. For something to be a problem it actually has to cause you distress.

Since you're posting on SAS I'd tend to guess that you actually would prefer to engage in social interaction, but find it so difficult that you've simply given up. Giving up is easy to understand. After pounding your head against a brick wall long enough, one tends to simply stop as they find that wall isn't moving.


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## Bloody Pit Of Horror (Aug 15, 2011)

I am most comfortable around myself if that makes any sense. 

Nonetheless I wish I could find another version of myself someone very much like me and of the opposite gender. 

And yes, I wish I was this outrageous adventurous extrovert and mr popular the life of the party. Because having alot of friends creates a whole new world of possibilities and also makes one terribly resourceful too. I want possibilities and resources.

Yet, that is never going to happen especially me as advanced I am in life. I am currently unemployed with no one to turn to and no one to be consoled by so now I am living with an extra bit of fear and confusion and dependency. So now being a recluse and SA sufferer is building negative momentum against me NOT that I considered it positive to begin with. But I have grown accustomed to living without friends (content even only for the reason my own company never stirs the SA) over these years especially since my SA is not threatened to be publicly exposed in the social circles and feed myself to the sharks.


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## WhoAmIToday (Jul 29, 2011)

I'm not a recluse per se, although I spend a lot of time on my own. The vast majority of my time is spent in this room (my bedroom), or at least it has been within the past few months. I still live with my mother and step-father, whom seem to be content with the arrangement, on the understanding that I seek employment and don't just bugger around all day. I *was *employed full-time until April, when the government introduced harsh austerity measures, to which my job was the victim. I quite intensely disliked it, but it paid the bills and due to my frugal nature I was able to accrue quite a significant amount of savings. These savings are now sustaining me, and dwindling at an alarming rate. 

Whereas I used to be _compelled _to avoid other people like the bubonic plague, I'm now quite content to be in the company of other people. In fact, I enjoy it sometimes; Recently (whilst rather drunk) at my cousins wedding, I got up with the two families and learned Indian dancing! I don't venture out often though and if I do it is usually due to necessity or commitments to family, so it's safe to say I don't feel compelled to either - or at least it's not that strong of a force. I do sometimes, when looking at friends on Facebook, feel a slight melancholy when looking at how interesting their lives have become, and how dull has mine.

I have seen quite a lot of posts like this and I do have to wonder on a more practical level how people manage to survive. I have personally been very lucky in that my parents have gifted me a small sum of money and have few bills to pay, but dread thinking about the future. How on earth do people with SA manage to sustain themselves? I think that if I could find a way to become self-employed or tele-commute I would be very happy, but I want something in which I can maintain a generous standard of living...

How on earth does everyone do it!?!?!? :/


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## ugh1979 (Aug 27, 2010)

I prefer to be on my own most the time as generally can't be bothered being around others unless I've taken some anti-SA drugs (generally recreational drugs as they are the only ones which are strong enough to make me want to be social).

When sober I almost always prefer to be on my own where I can do what i want and be quite happy. I always have loads I want to do and get on with (art/music etc) so I sometimes feel like I'm wasting time when others are around me and want to do something else. I really dislike compromising.

I can easily go for a week without speaking to anyone bar what I need to say at work and don't really do small talk. My mind just doesn't work that way. I'm more open to speaking to people these days than i've ever been but still, I don't have much I want to to say when sober so still generally avoid conversations.

I know I can and want to be social if i've got the correct chemical balance in my head, so maybe one day when there is better medication that can make me like that permanently I'll change my personality to a less reclusive one.


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## cindy8701 (May 5, 2011)

I am not a recluse personally. But I believe I have just kinda convinced myself that this is how life is now, I have no effort to make any social contact, I don't smile at people. I actually assume that anybody would even gives me eye contact in public is going to hurt me, make fun of me, judging me, laughing at me etc etc
So even when I do leave the house (pretty much just for uni these days) that I spend all my energy with my guard up until I am safely back in my room


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## Sain (Sep 19, 2011)

I'm perfectly content just being alone at home, but unfortunately (fortunately too I guess) I am forced to go out and face social situations, which is what makes me unhappy.


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## Smilesreplacewords (May 28, 2011)

I believe that you are trying to convince yourself of this OP. Otherwise why would you care to vent your feelings to the people of this forum? It's human nature to need human interaction and relatability. I understand it's easier and more comfortable to be a non feeling robot. So if you prefer a life with no pain because of your trust issues then are also sacrificing your life of the happiness associated with it too. I hope you realize complacency is not happiness. I also hope you do not give up on yourself.


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

somtimes i feel like that. Especial when im at school. The best thing about not haveing any friends is no drama.


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## Pennywise (Aug 18, 2011)

First of all, why is this in the Agnostic and Atheist Support section? But anyway...

No, you're probably not the only person on here that is happy being a recluse. Do you even have social anxiety or do you just prefer being alone?


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## READY 4 CHANGE (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who feels that way. I know I used to feel that way at one time, and I was about the age you are now. first, let me start by saying hi. If you're doing this for the time being and have an exit strategy, that may be ok. Everyone needs a break at some point. but I would caution against doing this long term as it may develop into other disorders and only make you worse. If you find yourself in circumstances that force you out of reclusion, will you be ill prepared and suffer culture shock? Idk. but I really think doing this long term will make you worse, I say this because of my own experience, but you may be different. I will say this though, the longer you're out of society the more out of sync you become with it. May seem ok in the short term, but long term I really think you may be doing alot of damage to yourself. You don't have to be an extrovert, you may genuinely not like being around many ppl. but to totally isolate yourself I don't think will be very healthy. would you be able to do things or accompany one or two ppl at a time? maybe go somewhere quiet where there's not many ppl. you don't have to go to parties or clubs, there are other things you can do. I'm not trying to judge you I just don't want what happened to me to happen to you. I had to re-learn alot of things over, things that most ppl take for granted, and I lost alot of time that I'll never get back. but if you're doing this as a break from society but have a strategy in mind then I say go for it. I wish you the best, I mean that sincerely.


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## jazzman (Sep 23, 2011)

I've become a recluse as I stopped "socializing" as it is known by common folks, like drinking, smoking, gossiping, etc.:blah Not popular at all, and I do not like it, my close family I think sometimes just phone me out of a sense of "duty" and holidays are the worst with no interaction. I feel I'm disintegrating, and do not know what group to join that is not self-righteous, exclusive, alcohol-, smoke and drug-free, where should I start?? not good at all for me to be sitting here with my own thoughts all of the time!:hide


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## Deepthought (May 27, 2013)

I do know what you mean. I really like my own company. I see going out as a chore, visiting family feels just like washing the dishes. I love my family and all, and would do anything for them, but I just dont feel like I need to be around them. I can only really say half hour is about my enjoyment time limit with them, after that I just want to go home.
I am not sure if there is a girl out there that would fit my life jigsaw in that way to complete my puzzle, if there is then I hope I find her, until then I feel like I will just enjoy my own company.
I kind of do want my own normal family, a loving wife and 2 kids, but I am starting to feel like that wouldnt be right for me.


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## marybobary (Jun 19, 2013)

I agree with what you said about people generally just being disappointing. I feel like I have been repeatedly been let down by people who claimed to care about me, even love me, but it generally turns out they have their own agenda and will dump you as soon as theyve gotten what they want out of you. Because of this I tjink I am very disenchanted with meeting new people and am not concerned about expanding my very small social circle. Your 2 friends could be all the socialization you need, nothing wrong with that! I would rather interact with people I find worth my time than be surrounded by a bunch of toolboxes, and if that meant not hanging out with anyone at all I wluld be cool with that. I do feel like I am more complacent than content with not going out or doing much, but you are obviously intelligent enough to know the difference. As for the SA, I see what you mean, the more I own my anxiety the more comfortable I am with it...i hope to be rid of it someday but for now its part of who I am and I am learning to cope with tense situations. Sorry to drone on haha, hope this helped mayhaps? Cheers!


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I will not surrender to social anxiety. But i feel you. I have no desires to met new people also.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

It's called schiziod personality disorder.


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## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

I guess I would enjoy it more if I had a choice, but I don't.

Nobody to call

No where to go

Nothing to do

So I am stuck here with you...LOL.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

scarpia said:


> It's called schiziod personality disorder.


A friend of mine told me I had this once. I thought she meant I had schizophrenia though.


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