# Asexual?



## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Ever since my depression started getting worse, I'm afraid that I'm becoming asexual, as I have lost almost all interest in women. Anyone else experience the same thing? My libido is alright oddly enough, but I don't have any attraction to women, if I do it's 1/100 of what it used to be. And no, I'm not turning gay either.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Just part of being depressed. May wanna check your testosterone levels.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Dr House said:


> May wanna check your testosterone levels.


U questioning my manhood? Come at me brah, come at me.

Lol jk. I did get a blood test and I think it was normal, although I have read that having a low body fat % could lead to decreased libido and increased anhedonia and depression so I'm trying to gain weight.

My current body fat % is 2.8. It seems pretty unhealthy by everyone's standards, if it was the cause for all my problems that would be fantastic but I doubt it.


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## JunkBondTrader (Nov 22, 2010)

I know what you mean. I just have no confidence and am scared to get close to anyone, so now I don't even desire to be with anyone.


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## ambergris (Oct 15, 2010)

If you used to experience attraction to women, and you still have physical urges then yes, it's probably the depression. Depression makes it hard to be interested in anything.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

ambergris said:


> If you used to experience attraction to women, and you still have physical urges then yes, it's probably the depression. Depression makes it hard to be interested in anything.


I really hope so :|. I'm terrified I'm suddenly becoming gay or asexual sometimes since I have very little interest in women (don't have anything against gay people, it's just not what I want). It's like I'm being rammed in the butt by depression and gagged by anxiety (I swear I'm not gay).


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## contranigma (Jun 24, 2009)

There is another post about asexuality in the GLBT forum. I can't relate personally. I've always had a very high sex drive geared towards women, even when feeling depressed. My doctor gave me 3-wks worth of Lexapro, so maybe I will see what you're talking about. Reading about that medication, it seems like it could kill my sex drive.


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## TheGambit (Nov 27, 2009)

You can't "Become" gay, don't worry.

Depression kills your sex drive. It sounds like you have severe depression. Are you taking any antidepressants? If so that could be another factor here.

If you had a sexual attraction towards women before this, you're straight. It sounds like you definitely had that attraction if you're worrying about this. It's just the depression.

I don't understand asexuality. I've never researched it at all. It's been my understanding that it's the choice to reject your sexuality. But I'm ignorant on the topic. I'm gay myself, so I've put a lot of thought into how sexuality works over the years.


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## ambergris (Oct 15, 2010)

TheGambit said:


> I don't understand asexuality. I've never researched it at all. It's been my understanding that it's the choice to reject your sexuality.


Most people who identify as asexual don't see it as a choice, the same way most gay people (or straight or bi people, for that matter) don't see their sexuality as a choice. You can't 'reject your sexuality' if you don't have a sexuality to reject in the first place.


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## Underthetoadstool (Nov 26, 2010)

ambergris said:


> Most people who identify as asexual don't see it as a choice, the same way most gay people (or straight or bi people, for that matter) don't see their sexuality as a choice. You can't 'reject your sexuality' if you don't have a sexuality to reject in the first place.


True, asexuals don't see it as a choice. However, it's not strictly true to say that asexuals 'don't have a sexuality'. Asexuals regard their asexuality as an orientation which is more cerebral than physical. Many asexuals still have a sex drive and self-pleasure, however they don't desire to share those activities with other people. Many are romantically inclined and desire close emotional relationships, but no shared physical sexual activity. And no, you don't 'become' truly asexual, same as you don't 'become' truly gay, although you may experience some of the feelings from time to time.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Well for what it's worth, I made an offhand remark to my psychiatrist about prozac making me asexual and he said it was possible. This is still one of my main fears about antidepressants and medications that would reduce libido even further.


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## erikslev (Nov 22, 2010)

I'm going through this right now also. Although I'm totally straight, I seem to want nothing to do with women right now.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

I am asexual and I am attracted to guys just not sexual - so what I am saying is if you have lost all interests in woman your not asexual, as an asexual person still has interest in the gender they are interested in just not sexually...I hope that makes sense


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## HarleenQ (Nov 27, 2010)

*Don't worry too much hun...*

Like most of the other people who've responded have said: depression kills your sex-drive. Also along with this bit of wisdom:



TheGambit said:


> You can't "Become" gay, don't worry.


you can't "become" asexual either. From what I've read about those who've identified themselves as asexual, the lack of attraction to either sex has been a constant for them since birth. Since you were previously attracted to women it is safe to say you will always be attracted to women, that feeling is just repressed right now by the depression. That your doc. said it was a possibility is a bit troubling because the real risk is loss of libido due to medication not a change in sexuality; but that may just be a case of a doctor over simplifying something (which NEVER happens :roll).

The lack of attraction thing will go away once your depression starts improving. I know from experience how strange it can feel though; before I began my current anti-depressant I hadn't been attracted to someone in over a year. It's hard to deal with the friends and family who are 'concerned' by your lack of interest, especially if they keep trying to set you up (omg the horror of blind dates goes to eleven if you go into it already knowing you can't find the person attractive!).

The best course of action for you right now is to focus on getting your depression under control. How long have you been on the Prozac; is it helping your depression at all? If not, suggest to your doctor trying a med from a different sub-group (Prozac is an SSRI, if it isn't working ask for something in the SSNRI, MAOI, NRI, or receptor blocker groups). What I've noticed about the correlation between lack of attraction and anti-depressant use is this: the wrong anti-depressant group will always kill your libido and the right one makes any attraction you felt before seem pale in comparison (even on the most basic aesthetic-attraction level; after my meds started working I kept getting distracted at work by guys I had seen everyday for years lol).

Now that I've written you a novel ( :doh) good luck and keep us posted, hopefully things will get straightened out for you soon!


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

HarleenQ said:


> ....great american novel....


Thanks! I know it's pretty ridiculous for me to worry about becoming gay or something, but it might have something to do with being called a *****t in school all the time and getting beat up. I've tried several of the standard antidepressants and they didn't help, and my last pdoc wanted to put me on abilify rather than an MAOI :mum. That didn't pan out too well either. Right now I'm taking a med break and things seem to be going a little better. Your second to last sentence intrigues me though lol. What med was it?


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## Banana Cream (Aug 22, 2010)

Seems like your paranoia of turning gay is a worse issue for you than you finding women less arousing.

Do you think people are accusing you of that? You sound very defensive, as if it's something to be ashamed of. Nobody is going to think your gay if you say I've been feeling asexual?! Bizarre.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Banana Cream said:


> Seems like your paranoia of turning gay is a worse issue for you than you finding women less arousing.
> 
> Do you think people are accusing you of that? You sound very defensive, as if it's something to be ashamed of. Nobody is going to think your gay if you say I've been feeling asexual?! Bizarre.


I see what you mean, but anytime someone's asked me about girls or tried hooking me up and I tell them I'm not interested they assume I'm gay. My parents, uncle, sister, even grandmother have all accused me of being gay. When my uncle was surprised that I didn't want to screw drunk women at a party he said "you must be one of them queers." And like I said kids used to accuse me of being gay in school and I got in fights all the time although that had nothing to do with my lack of interest in girls, maybe I just look gay or something?

Just the other day I told my mom I found women repulsive and she said "well maybe you are just gay!" I shouldn't let other people's words bother me, but I just don't have any shred of self-esteem and take their words as truths. Considering my mom also tells me to "snap out" of my depression there's really no reason to listen to her at all.

I'm definitely more upset that women don't get me aroused anymore, and some of my posts in this thread were a bit sarcastic.


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## nbtxdude (Jun 20, 2010)

I think I am... The normal sexual simuli don't work for me. You could probably have a naked supermodel walk by in front of me, but I probably wouldn't notice. This sucks. 

My testosterone levels are low, but I don't know if it is worth taking a supplement.


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## cruisin (May 28, 2010)

I doubt you're asexual. I experience the same thing when I'm depressed, as far as I know and from what I've been told it's just a symptom of the depression.


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## camtrol (Sep 29, 2010)

If you've been on antidepressants than that's your problem right there. I have the same problem and having been on them for so long i have no sexual desire at all and wonder if i would be able to perform if offered the chance; and seriously i doubt it. The longer you're on the AD's the less sex drive you'll have i'm afraid but it doesn't mean you're gay, i know i'm not. I just hope my sex drive comes back if i ever recover from my bipolar disorder.


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## Jane9 (Nov 28, 2010)

Even being a girl I had that too a few month ago, I think mostly because I was so depressed or because I didn't think I worse it so I concentrated on other things...


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

If all that you say is true, then it is down to your depression and nothing else. If you are on medication for that depression, then that can be causing low sex drive. If you are on medication for depression, then you can still chalk it down to depression, without which you would not be on medication.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

Under17 said:


> Well for what it's worth, I made an offhand remark to my psychiatrist about prozac making me asexual and he said it was possible. This is still one of my main fears about antidepressants and medications that would reduce libido even further.


Undoubtedly could be the culprit right there. On Lexapro I basically felt asexual. Not only did I have low sex drive but I had hardly any desire to have a girlfriend and just didn't have any interest at all in the opposite sex. I know Lexapro caused this because now that I'm off of it I am dying for intimacy and my libido is much higher.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Right now I'm entirely med free, and had the problem before I started taking meds. But definitely even klonopin lowered my libido. Going to see if gaining weight and fish oil can help since I don't get enough fats in my diet and my body fat is way too low, could be causing low libido.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^ that sounds like a good idea. 

I'd also suggest taking in more protein (particularly oily fish like salmon), eating a healthy diet in general, and start going to the gym or, if you cannot afford that, find another way to work out. Just running and lifting some free weights will help. Working out increases levels of testosterone. In short, going to the gym/working out makes you horny. Good luck!


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## HarleenQ (Nov 27, 2010)

Under17 said:


> Thanks! I know it's pretty ridiculous for me to worry about becoming gay or something, but it might have something to do with being called a *****t in school all the time and getting beat up. I've tried several of the standard antidepressants and they didn't help, and my last pdoc wanted to put me on abilify rather than an MAOI :mum. That didn't pan out too well either. Right now I'm taking a med break and things seem to be going a little better. Your second to last sentence intrigues me though lol. What med was it?


The one I'm on now is Effexor XR, it's an SSNRI and its used for treating both depression AND anxiety so it's kind of amazing...but that's just for me; my doc figured since the SSRIs seemed to work then made things worse there might be an imbalance in my serotonin levels and my norepinephrine levels...and he was right.

Now the abilify...that works better on people with bipolar and schizophrenia (mood disorders that involve psychotic episodes) than for those with just depression or anxiety, probably the reason it didn't work for you.

But as for the 'attraction' aspect of the whole thing, my depression started with puberty so I never really had that whole...sexual interest thing...until I started the Effexor - it was like a whole new world for me, because until then I just found some guys vaguely asthetically pleasing as opposed to being attracted to/sexually interested in them. It was kind of a shock for me to actually have those thoughts and feelings at all...like I said, distracting, lol.

Also for the gay/asexual thing I feel your pain...it took me two years to convince my mom that just because I wasn't dating any guys didn't mean I was actually a lesbian (she had all of these books about accepting your gay or lesbian teen, it was trully embarassing).


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## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

lol im sorry that last part about your mom being convinced you were a lesbian despite your own protests is too funny :clap


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## HarleenQ (Nov 27, 2010)

I know! It's super funny for me to think about now, but at the time it was really annoying. It was like, "You think you know better than I do what my sexuality is? Really?" Plus she told EVERYONE we know...family, friends, random people at the grocery store! It drove me nuts, people kept trying to set me up with their nice-lesbian-nieces...ugh.


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

HarleenQ said:


> The one I'm on now is Effexor XR, it's an SSNRI and its used for treating both depression AND anxiety so it's kind of amazing...but that's just for me; my doc figured since the SSRIs seemed to work then made things worse there might be an imbalance in my serotonin levels and my norepinephrine levels...and he was right.
> 
> Now the abilify...that works better on people with bipolar and schizophrenia (mood disorders that involve psychotic episodes) than for those with just depression or anxiety, probably the reason it didn't work for you.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear about what your mom did, that truly sucks. So Effexor raised your libido and sexual attraction to males? Did you have any bad side effects? My psychiatrist gave me some samples of cymbalta, though I'm wondering if I should just give Effexor a try.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

JunkBondTrader said:


> I know what you mean. I just have no confidence and am scared to get close to anyone, so now I don't even desire to be with anyone.


Wow, this is exactly how I feel.


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## HarleenQ (Nov 27, 2010)

My only real problem with the Effexor is that it's hell on my insomnia...I have to take it early in the morning or I'll be too hyper to sleep at all. So I don't get to sleep in on the weekend anymore, but I never really did that too often anyway. I can usually take it as late as 10 or 11 am and still get to sleep at a decent hour, but that only happens if I forget it when I get up (which happens more than I'd like, I swear I have the memory of a goldfish). Oh, and it makes a lot of people lose their appetite, but it is usually minimal and goes away after the first month or so. My appetite is less than it was before but not enough that it has made my doc concerned because I'm still physically healthy. With that in mind, Cymbalta and Effexor are both SNRIs so they should will be similar as far as results. (also if your interest in the Effexor is based on my experience with the attraction/libido thing keep in mind that it only increased because my depression was under control and not from the drug itself)


One way of knowing if the SNRIs might help is the answer to this question: When you were taking the Prozac (the SSRI) did it seem to help for awhile but then things became worse than before or did it always make things worse/the same? If it helped but then got worse definitely try the SNRIs; taking an SSRI for a serotonin AND norepinephrine imbalance makes things seem better for awhile because it helps balance out the serotonin but then the norepinepherine imbalance gets more noticable and makes you feel worse. If the Prozac never did any good try an NRI instead because you may only have an issue with your norepinephrine level and not have problems with your serotonin level at all.


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## revai (Nov 20, 2009)

This is the thread I felt like making.. its like over the past year 95% of my attraction to females has gone, but I don't think its depression because I don't feel sad or anything? I only have the 'lost interest' part I guess, since I find stuff I used to do to be boring now... idk, I hope the attraction comes back soon, because now I'm in college and theres girls everywhere and I couldn't care less :doh


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## cgj93 (Dec 13, 2010)

as others said i think its part of depression, and i feel the same way, just lose interest after a while


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## im Lost (Dec 4, 2010)

yeah no one can tell you anything. only you can! iv been thru it b4. once or twice! i just looked confused becuzz im lost! not becuzz im gay! why does this happen to people with SA?


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## revai (Nov 20, 2009)

lol. its like one one hand I can be much more productive and do more stuff because I'm not constantly thinking about girls and stuff ect because I don't feel anything.. but on the other hand, most of my motivation for overcoming my social problems actually came from desperately wanting a GF, so I've regressed quite a bit anxiety-wise and no longer force myself to talk and take risks =/


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## sherry09 (Nov 27, 2010)

*...*

i know how u feel....when i was 18-- i went on a running binge-- i used to run for 4 miles a day or more...i had to run every single day plus i was eating super healthy-- as a result, it completely got rid of my libido...those 'sexual urges' i had as a teenager were totally gone. They really truly never came back....not full force anyway. I just dont have the 'sexual desire' for people unless it involves a connection or something else... there are thing si want and want to do sexually, but im not really dying to have them....im still a virgin, not by choice, just not having a real boyfriend.....but at one point when i was 18 i was truly asexual...and just had no desire for the opposite sex or sex at all....it was a really comfortable feeling....for some reason. Nowadays i just attribute it to being 'spiritual' and more enlightened so that those 'lower' feelings of sexual urges just aren't there.... but im sure some of those feelings or many can be related to some kind of depression etc...


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## Under17 (May 4, 2010)

Just an update, my libido is back somewhat (as in I find boobs appealing again and can have something resembling an orgasm). I've continued to lift weights and eat as much healthy fat as I can. My fat intake used to be very low, I ate almost exclusively chicken, rice and broccoli. And in the rare event I ate meat or even bacon, I would take off all the fat. Now I eat steak almost everyday and eat all the fat.

Also still taking fish oil, supposedly it can suppress libido in some people though. I'd rather just eat salmon but I don't have the taste for it unless its from a good restaurant.

I've purchased some naltrexone to take in low doses and d-aspartic acid to see what they can do in terms of libido.


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