# My dad called me a 'dumb ****'



## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

My dad told me he was going to send a guy over to pick up my cousin's car so it could go to inspection.

The conversation goes:

me: "Dad, inspection is only once per year"
dad: "Yeah but your cousin let it lazily drag on and didn't bring his car."
me: "My cousin? What does my cousin have to do with it when it was you who took his car to inspection in the first place?"
dad: "You DUMB ****!"
me: "I'm going to hang up the phone because you offended me"
dad: "Geez, you're stupid. You can't take any jokes"

He's always been condescending to me my whole life, figuratively and literally. When I was a kid he used to beat me with a belt, he nearly threw my mother off the stairs and often I had to protect my sister etc. The worst part is that he's even an ******* when he's not drunk. It's in his genes.

Anyway, he called me a dumb **** because I put him in his place. And no, that was not a joke matter because he really said it in an attacking and accusing voice. :/

I am ashamed how your own family members can be like this. What kind of world do we live in? :/


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## binckie (Dec 4, 2015)

Well you can not really select your family.
And face it: some people are just not ment to be parents.


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## Juno1984 (Nov 5, 2013)

There are some unbelievable things family members say and do to each other. I think it's mostly family that hurt people the most with parents being the number one offenders. That's how it still is for me.

It really sucks  I have a family member like that it's sooooo damn stressful I swear it's making me physically ill I've cried, and go over and over in my mind about the mean things said/done. They can be so damn controlling and if you assert yourself or even just be naturally you in a good mood your always wrong and giving attitude and it will too often be taken as an "attack" by the abusive family member and so they will "defend" themselves. Pathetic really and immature from people that are even older than you. The pretense (walking on eggshells etc.) is boring for me now. I'm not a victim but I have habit patterns in my mind I need to change and replace - lots of work ahead of me.

Maybe that saying "friends are gods apology for you family" is true where if you (somehow) surround yourself with good friends they can make up for these controlling family members. I myself have not made good friends yet. I hope next year will be different. Good luck to you


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Juno1984 said:


> There are some unbelievable things family members say and do to each other. I think it's mostly family that hurt people the most with parents being the number one offenders. That's how it still is for me.
> 
> It really sucks  I have a family member like that it's sooooo damn stressful I swear it's making me physically ill I've cried, and go over and over in my mind about the mean things said/done. They can be so damn controlling and if you assert yourself or even just be naturally you in a good mood your always wrong and giving attitude and it will too often be taken as an "attack" by the abusive family member and so they will "defend" themselves. Pathetic really and immature from people that are even older than you. The pretense (walking on eggshells etc.) is boring for me now. I'm not a victim but I have habit patterns in my mind I need to change and replace - lots of work ahead of me.
> 
> Maybe that saying "friends are gods apology for you family" is true where if you (somehow) surround yourself with good friends they can make up for these controlling family members. I myself have not made good friends yet. I hope next year will be different. Good luck to you


Interesting concept.. my friend explained to me as well: "Yeah well, that is a predictable reaction because when you 'attack' people they 'defend' themselves". Indeed immature.. All this guy can think of is sex and alcohol. Wooh, great. I'm also tired of the pretense. No more of this ****. I told him that if he wants to talk to me in the future he has to sincerely apologize to me. Of course, this didn't help because he said: "What I said to you was not an offense, it's a liberty between father and son, so stop your stupid comments". Ah ok, so calling someone 'dumb ****' is not an offense. Right, so a dad can call his son whatever he wants and it's 'banter'. No, that's horrible.

I'm not going to talk to him until he apologizes. I'm tired of being trashed around.
Thank you, I hope you will make good friends in the future.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

I agree with one poster...

Some people aren't meant to be parents..

So try not to take it too personal.
The best revenge is a life well lived.


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

Sounds like my dad but he says those kinds of things everyday to my older brother... He calls him useless, to just kill himself, that he hates him, that he won't go anywhere in life, says he'll slit his throat, etc. My dad puts his stress on my mom and brother everyday, he's beaten both of them more than a few times now and still continues to do it. My dad DID throw my mom off the stairs... He kicked her and her head cracked open. I'm not going to go to the details but I will say that it has traumatized me and I'll never be the same person again. I know how it feels like to live with an abusive parent and I feel for you. It sucks but there's not much we can do about it. Maybe talking to your dad on how you feel will make things a bit better, it did for me.


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## hereandthere (Dec 7, 2015)

s12345 said:


> I am ashamed how your own family members can be like this. What kind of world do we live in? :/


I'm with you, and I understand how you feel. No need to go into details. Just know I get it, truly.

I hope you won't mind, but I want to give you a piece of advice. Many will likely disagree. Fair enough. I won't engage in an argument with anyone. I haven't the time for that. Not anymore, anyway...

That said... _Forgive your father_. No, I'm not saying you should forget the past and cultivate a relationship with him in the present. I won't even begin to address that. But I want you to know that forgiveness is _effing powerful,_ and it benefits the person who offers it just as much and very likely more than the person who receives it. It's liberating. It's so freeing that you can't begin to imagine how it feels until you actually experience it.

Let it go as best you can, friend. Understand that your father is screwed up like everyone else and offer him what he might not (and likely doesn't) deserve -- forgiveness. You'll feel better. You'll feel free. He'll lose the power he has over your emotions. I know this to be true. I've lived it.

What kind of world do we live in? One that is tragically flawed, mainly because of people and the things we do and say. We can make it better by being the best people we can. We'll fail. We'll fall short. That's okay. But try to be better than your father, and you'll make the world a better place. That's good enough for me.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Chelsalina said:


> Sounds like my dad but he says those kinds of things everyday to my older brother... He calls him useless, to just kill himself, that he hates him, that he won't go anywhere in life, says he'll slit his throat, etc. My dad puts his stress on my mom and brother everyday, he's beaten both of them more than a few times now and still continues to do it. My dad DID throw my mom off the stairs... He kicked her and her head cracked open. I'm not going to go to the details but I will say that it has traumatized me and I'll never be the same person again. I know how it feels like to live with an abusive parent and I feel for you. It sucks but there's not much we can do about it. Maybe talking to your dad on how you feel will make things a bit better, it did for me.


Wah.. that's horrible. Thanks for your advice..


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

hereandthere said:


> I'm with you, and I understand how you feel. No need to go into details. Just know I get it, truly.
> 
> I hope you won't mind, but I want to give you a piece of advice. Many will likely disagree. Fair enough. I won't engage in an argument with anyone. I haven't the time for that. Not anymore, anyway...
> 
> ...


Sounds reasonable. I'll see..


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Haha

My dad called me a stupid ***** last week. 

Me and you are in the same situation. You're not alone. :squeeze


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

He tells me that I should "stop my stupid comments" and "if I love my dad I will show him respect". Yeah? WELL **** YOU *******!!! I've written him a refined message saying that:
1) Saying you respect people is one thing, but doing so is another. Your acts count.
2) If you want unconditional love then RESPECT YOUR SON AND TREAT HIM LIKE AN ADULT FOR ONCE!!!

It's time I stood up for myself.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

Am I the only one or does OP sound like his father?


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

He probably doesn't mean it. My family kind of rolls like that.


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## zomb (May 4, 2014)

Could you call him a condescending c**t?


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## EvonneEzell (Jul 14, 2014)

I understand what you're going through. It sucks that I'm the oldest and I just have to sit there and watch it or take it. I feel like I'm not doing my job. Some family members thinks it's ok to do that since their own parents talked to them like that. Maybe you could ask him what was it like growing up...see if he reveals anything.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

wow. your dad sounds like a cruel piece of work. i'm sorry you have to deal with him.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I don't think it phases me with parents, sports coaches and really friends insulting me in one form or another. I think you gave back to your dad as good as he gave with pointing out the flaws in his logic.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

I have a father who can be verbally abusive, not to mention manipulative, as well.

Some people are just scumbags. Unfortunately, those scumbags could be related to us* and can be our own parents...


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## theotherone (Sep 1, 2015)

lol that's it? JK JK

but i felt the same way my mom attacked me harshly at 17, something became more evil about her behavior with time... she's finally better now like 4 years later, because she has a grandkid. 

she has stupid expections out of people, kinda like u OP... makes her kinda a ******* sometimes. (hey shes mean sometimes)


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

my dad does that. i take it as a joke. Just laugh it off.


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