# Should I be okay with my Artist(Hobby) Boyfriend Painting a Portrait of Another Girl?



## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

*Should I be okay with my Artist(Hobby) Boyfriend Painting Another Woman's Portrait?*

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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Sounds fishy to me. I don't blame you for being suspicious.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

I would say you are over reacting. Like, way over reacting. Why would you break up him over him painting a portrait? Break up with him if you find out he cheated >.>

But reading your other posts I would say ditch him because he sounds like an ***.


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

i thought the advice in the previous threads (to break up with him) was reasonable. 

the painting the girl alone doesn't sound so bad. the way he presented it and the way he emailed her does seem kind of odd. but mostly, why did he compare you to her like that . that's not right.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

The way he spoke about the other girl seems a bit off, kind of like he's trying to make you jealous or something. If I had a boyfriend and had a male model posing for me, I wouldn't be like, "Well I don't think my boyfriend would like this..." I'd try to be more professional about it.

As an artist myself, choosing people to pose for portraits is a processing all on its own (though I do understand your boyfriend only does it for a hobby). Doing portraits is much more interesting when people have certain features like high cheek bones, less forward hairline (so you can see more of the skull form), etc. so that could be another possibility why your boyfriend chose this girl for a portrait... though he never mentioned anything (from your post at least) other than she has good energy.

I haven't read any of your other posts but chances are he's probably be faithful but lingering on the gray areas... if that makes any sense. I would start to be worried if my boyfriend told me he said something like, "my girlfriend wouldn't like this" because that means he's aware he's doing something that would make you unhappy.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

I feel like this forum is going to help me become a stronger person. I know I don't respect myself enough because I tolerate and accept bad treatment often. I forgive super easily which isgood in some ways, but also a big problem in others because it leads to people walking over me.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Sounds to me like you don't trust him and if you cannot trust the person you are with it's over. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and to be honest, from what you say he sounds like a tool. You can do better. I would end it.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

Currently I depend on him for way too much, that being validation of my own worth.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

Sometimes I really think the world is a pretty bad place and that no one really cares and then I come on this forum.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Hm, I'm going to go on so many tangents on this one. 

I think I replied to a thread of yours a few months ago and stick by the opinion that you could do way better. But that's not for me to lecture! I definitely agree the wording he used was off-putting here. He painted you (heh) in a negative light, even if he didn't intend to, as if you were easily riled up/overly sensitive/don't trust him enough/etc. 

But I'm replying more to your last post in this thread as I feel like I can relate to be judged on appearance and how my Facebook appears. I too dropped a lot of weight without trying due to anxiety (down to 104 lb at 5'8...I hated it but couldn't force myself to eat enough). Girls got envious and I grew more insecure the skinnier I got. Insert morphing into a girl who works out (putting on muscle) which helped but yeah, people see a Facebook full of photos and nice comments and assume your life is just lovely. And yes, effort to be positive and happy somehow also means you can't possibly have legit issues with insecurity. (er, sarcasm there) 

I think you are honest with yourself. It's just scary to act upon the truth that you've realized. Cutting out this guy looks like step one. 

This can't possibly be well written but I wanted to say hi...and...share stuff. -_-


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Well as you know from my old posts I am bothered about these kind of things but this seems mild compared to what happened to me and other people.


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## Luna Sea (Apr 4, 2012)

It seems pretty clear from reading your posts that you don't want to be with him anymore and he makes you unhappy. 

You need to break up with him.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

I would say dump him since he is just the worst kind of scum, then try really hard to love yourself, THEN try to find another guy.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

I think to an extent there is truth in that if you want a healthy relationship, you should have a good amount of self-respect for yourself. Of course meeting someone new or having other friends can help you develop stronger confidence and respect for yourself, and maybe that's how you felt when you first met your boyfriend but reading the other things you've posted now, clearly it doesn't seem like he respects you.

He has pent up anger, says horrible things to you, nitpicks every little thing. Your mother and sister are telling you to leave him and because you spend so much time thinking about him, you're too drawn in to really see the impact he's having on you.

I know it's a cliche and you probably hear it a lot but there's plenty of other guys out there. And there will be a guy that will treat you respectfully and with dignity, and will not be judgmental about your problems and want to help you through them. I have a bit of SA and can be really insecure sometimes. I've realized lately that I look too much towards others for approval and that I attempt to rationalize things bad things people do to me because I feel like I'm at fault even when they're the ones that do wrong.

If there are people in your life that are sucking the energy out of you and not encouraging you to be a better person, take them out of your life. I had friends that I felt were good ones until they tried to drag me down with them when things were going wrong. It's liberating to let them go. It was hard at first because I was close with them, but let it go. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely–use the time to work on your self image.


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## Angelbroken (Jun 30, 2011)

I've been in a relationship for 5 years. It just ended a couple weeks ago and I can honestly it say - It ain't that bad. It feels like a big friggen weight is lifted off your shoulders and you are FREE to do what you want.

My story is a lot similar to yours - A lot of it was long distance, and over time a lot of trust issues developed and a lot of "clingyness" came with it. Over time it just became to much to deal with on both our ends and enough was enough.

It's hard at first; but you need to keep a clear mind and do what is right.

And whatever you do, DO NOT dwell on the few "good times" you had in the past - that stuff will eat your away. If anything, focus on the bad, and move forward.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

If you dont like it say NO. Despite his apparent mental health issues, hes hasn't even tried to stop hurting you. Trust is something that is earned, and it hasn't been.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

In general, it wouldn't be a problem.

In light of the details and your past threads, I'd just be threw with him. Seems you may be holding on cause you're scared to be alone, but that's just conjecture...

If not, you just have to be honest. Are you being insecure and jealous? Or does something feel off? From my experience, I was NEVER a jealous girl. Yet when I had a gut feeling something was off he tried to convince me I was jealous, insecure, reading into and imagining things, etc. He would have rather me think myself crazy than be honest. Of course, EVERY SINGLE THING I suspected was dead on correct and I know for certain he would never have been honest had he not been caught. I now trust my gut when it comes to love relationships cause I know I'm not a jealous woman and if something feels weird it almost certainly is.

Only you can know how you feel. Good luck Hon.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

at least he called you "my girlfriend" and mentioned it to the other girl, that means he is not hiding something or trying to get laid with the other girl.
it would be worse if he didn't mentioned you.



> "my girlfriend probably won't like this." I asked him about it and he said it was only similar to how a man jokes around "my wife probably won't like this, " but we are not married, I told him.


for artist its normal to do real life drawing (even at art school you have to do that), its the best method for developing your skills.

i think he's trying to argue that point , to loosen you up about it that it can't hurt ...
when i look at nude art poses ive never got sexual thoughts , don't know why maybe bc your focused on other things , it's different.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

I know it's really hard to leave, but it really sounds like you want to, and perhaps you'd like to think that if he continues to push your limits that you'll eventually break. And perhaps you will, but you have broken up before, yet got back together. The thing is, in these toxic relationships, you run the risk that the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave, because your self-esteem is plummeting further and therefore you will take more and more crap from him, even if you don't like it. But I also want to let you know that it's okay, it's normal that it may take several attempts, on average of 7 times before someone leaves the abusive relationship for good. You can do this though  

Breaking up can be really hard. It's a loss of many things, so going through lack of sleep, dehydration, anxiety and all that is normal. You say you like the stability of having a relationship but your relationship isn't stable at all. The dude is not stable at all. With this new incident, it may just be his way of 'testing the waters' so to speak before he not only develops the confidence to cheat on you but realizes 'Oh this girl has no limit, even if I cheat on her, she'll take me back.' I'm not saying this is fact, but it's a possibility. Being in a relationship should be enhancing your life but he clearly is not. You admitted that the problems are cyclical, that things are progressively getting worse and that due to your self-esteem issues, you're addicted to his approval, in which he temporarily validates your existence. Yet at the same time, his choice of words and the way he treats you is actually making you more insecure, therefore increasing your dependency on his approval. He KNOWS you have low self-esteem, and that's why he treats you like crap, because he knows he can get away with it. 

I highly doubt anyone wants to be treated like crap. People who stay in abusive relationships don't want to or enjoy being abused. But we have to admit one thing in some instances, when you aren't restricted to a person due to financial control or actually concerned for your safety is, you are choosing to stay in this situation even if you hate it. There are many others out there who will respect you and appreciate you, and even if you don't find someone, there are worse things than being alone, like being around people who make you wish you were.

And oh yeah, just like IWillGetPastThis, my ex had me believing that I was crazy, insecure and jealous, but my gut instinct was right about the situation. So from now on, I am trusting my gut instincts.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

beothuck1 said:


> From my other posts I guess it is clear that our relationship is very rocky and has gotten progressively worse.* He doesn't care if he makes me unhappy anymore. *I stay with him regardless of how he treats me, which is the problem. He know I don't have self-respect because* he said before why don't you get some self-respect and then I could respect you. *


This, along with many other things you've described about him are grounds for breakup. You are wasting your time staying with him.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Is there anything any of us could say that would convince you to break up with this guy? Because you should. And not because of the topic in this thread, but your various other threads.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

beothuck1 said:


> Thanks for your response.
> 
> Some days when he has treated me badly I think I can do it, but my problem is I start to get sad when I think of never seeing him again. This, coupled with the fact that I am really afraid that I would never find anybody else in my life and be alone forever, causes me to cling to him, even when I know he's bad for me. It's like a bad addiction.
> 
> ...


I know how hard it can be to let go of someone you've come to rely on, even when that person is emotionally abusive.

What you need is your twin sister or your mom or another loved one in your "real life" who can offer actual support. Breaking up with him, and then staying home and being sad, venting on SAS...that won't help you move on when the relationship ends, although that can be part of it as you "grieve".

I feel really bad for you because once you find the strength to end this relationship, and once you're past it...you'll really start to wonder why you didn't do it a long time ago.

Your fears are understandable but at the same time, I'm willing to bet you're stronger than you think. This guy is your boyfriend, he isn't oxygen or food or water...you can, you will, and you SHOULD live without him.

The way he talks to you, including hanging up, isn't right and you don't deserve it. You need to be your own friend here, and do what you'd tell a friend to do if she were in your situation.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

beothuck1 said:


> _The way he talks to you, including hanging up, isn't right and you don't deserve it. You need to be your own friend here, and do what you'd tell a friend to do if she were in your situation._
> 
> He hung up on me again tonight and it actually made me furious inside. Normally I am sad, but I feel so angry at him.
> 
> ...


Anger, in this situation, is a good thing. You should be angry when someone disrespects you, and even more so when that person is supposed to love you and yet disrespects you more than anyone, other than how much you disrespect yourself by staying with him.

The next time you talk to him, tell him you want to end the relationship. Don't let him apologize or sweet talk you or make you feel guilty. It's time to respect yourself and walk away. Him being 2 hours away can only help you.
He is a cancer for you.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

the cheat said:


> Anger, in this situation, is a good thing. You should be angry when someone disrespects you, and even more so when that person is supposed to love you and yet disrespects you more than anyone, other than how much you disrespect yourself by staying with him.
> 
> The next time you talk to him, tell him you want to end the relationship. Don't let him apologize or sweet talk you or make you feel guilty. It's time to respect yourself and walk away. Him being 2 hours away can only help you.
> He is a cancer for you.


But, do you think he disrespects me because I disrespect myself?


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

beothuck1 said:


> I agree, he is a cancer for me.


If you can find the strength to do this, don't look back. Remove him from any social networking sites, your phone, everything. Out of sight is out of mind(eventually). You have support here. I would never tell a stranger on the internet to end his/her real life relationship unless I felt it was right...and seeing as how others on here agree, and you yourself agree...

You will not die without him.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

beothuck1 said:


> But, do you think he disrespects me because I disrespect myself, by doing things like phoning him back after he hangs up? Do you think I've taught him how to treat me and that if I respected myself more he would respect me?
> 
> I worry that the repeat situation would happen again if I broke up with him and found someone else.


I'm sure that's all part of it. And you have to be careful because if you suddenly don't let him treat you like this, he might try to convince you he can change. Don't buy it. If he was a good guy, he would treat you with love and respect, regardless of your actions.

I worry about that too, which is why you need to end this relationship and view it as a learning experience. If you can get out of this relationship, you'll have grown as a person and you'll be stronger for your next relationship...and there will be a next one.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

Kanova said:


> I would say dump him since he is just the worst kind of scum, then try really hard to love yourself, THEN try to find another guy.


I think the loving myself part is the place where I will really struggle.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

man, your boyfriend is a total ****head.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

seafolly said:


> I think you are honest with yourself. It's just scary to act upon the truth that you've realized. Cutting out this guy looks like step one.
> 
> This can't possibly be well written but I wanted to say hi...and...share stuff. -_-


I am honest with myself more now than before I think. Often I will look like I am in another world in my thoughts, and I want so badly to be more present in the moment. I don't want to have my head clouded. I feel like life is a blur right now.

I think people judge by the cover of the book way too much.


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## trendyfool (Apr 11, 2010)

What a complete d*ck! You've got to leave him, you just have to.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

She won't dump him until she's older and gets jaded towards all males.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

He pushed you off a chair.


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## trendyfool (Apr 11, 2010)

He's blaming his abuse of you *on you*.

Leave him.


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