# How do you love yourself and think positive when.....



## TheUnwelcome (Jul 9, 2009)

Just want to ask you guys how do you love yourself and think positive? 

Everyone always says you have to love yourself before you love anyone else and you need to think positive to overcome the negative thoughts.

Well I really don't know how to do either of those anymore. I have such a low self esteem and don't see anything really good in me anymore that it is almost impossible to love myself and think positive. I have tried meditation and thought stopping + all kinds of other things but I can never seem to stick to it because a lot of my thoughts are stealth negative thoughts that I don't even realize im thinking. 

I know this may sound ridiculous, but really, how do you think positive? Do you force positive thoughts into your head? Almost every thought I have is negative and I don't really look forward to anything anymore like I used to. And when I do start to think something positive my ego (I think?) almost instantly tells me that this positive thought is not true and that I am a loser or insults me in some way and then it is back to square one and off to the society of negative thinkers =p

Any tips would be appreciated.


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## Fireflylight (Sep 2, 2004)

I still haven't gotten the hang of it completely, but I'm getting there. So I'll give you my take. It's not an over night thing. For me, baby steps is key. But if you want to make being a positive person your life, it will probably take less time. anyway, I don't think being positive means not having negative thoughts. It's about accepting those thoughts but having positive thoughts too. I remember when I was in the complete throws of negativity and I couldn't even see positive thoughts. But they're there. And once you let them affect you, just a little, the ball starts rolling. you listen to your inner intuition and start making smart choices, etc. things that have made me a more positive person are: doing things I enjoy, reading self help books, and being around supportive people.


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## radames (Jul 6, 2009)

TheUnwelcome said:


> Just want to ask you guys how do you love yourself and think positive?
> 
> Everyone always says you have to love yourself before you love anyone else and you need to think positive to overcome the negative thoughts.
> 
> ...


I think that it has to do with changing your perspective. Do you have a roof over your head? A lot of people don't. Do you have a TV, computer, internet, and other nice technological gadgets? A lot of people don't. Do you have good health? A lot of people don't.

You see, there are things that we take for granted and until we visited a third world country we would have no idea how positive our lives really are in comparison. Are you able to type without looking? Are you able to navigate through many websites, use your computer with some awareness as to how it works, and delete cookies? Many people are unable to do these things. You have a lot of things going for you. Do you have all of your body parts and all of your sensory abilities?

In the end, appreciation for the many abilities and things we have, though they are not the best of the best makes life a bit more positive for us than someone who is currently living in a third world country guzzling muddy, malaria infested water, or even a homeless person without a penny to his name. You are looking pretty rich right now to that homeless person.

Do you have a few extra pounds on you because you don't go without a meal? Are you trying to diet and keep yourself from eating the loaded fridge and cupboard filled with the latest treats and snacks? Some people in the world would kill a person for the smallest crumb of your pizza just for the sheer status it would hold because it was an American pizza and they could brag to their friends in the village.

Americans appear to be gods when they visit starving countries. So, relatively, you have a lot of positive things to think about. We all do. But when we get some good things in life, we just want more and more and more. A child usually isn't ok with their one toy, they must have whatever the TV tells them they should have. It is the same with we adults, we are just better at convincing ourselves, and others, that "we really need it."

It really isn't our fault. The media, the government, our leaders want(s) us never to be satisfied with what we have. So they are always upgrading, making newer, "better" products so we can obsessed with consuming. This is to keep us occupied as they try to figure out a way to have greater control over every part of our lives; getting us completely dependent upon them.

You are alive in this messed up world. That is the most positive and bravest thing you could have ever and will ever achieve(d) in life. Be proud. :yes


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't know if this will be welcome, and I'm sure someone has already pointed this out, but - 

to feel good, you have to do good. Feelings follow actions. If you wait for the feeling to happen first, you will be waiting the rest of your life. 

Help someone. easier said than done, though. 

Leo


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

Know that worthiness is your birthright! Make a list of things you like about yourself, things that are good in your life/about yourself & focus on them, make a list of your blessings, things you have, like you may have a loving family, a good friend, you may have everything you need financially, you may like your job, When you're always focusing on what you don't have & where you're lacking you loose sight of all you DO have & you ignore all the blessings that are in your life when you only focus on the negative. Don't take anything for granted we should be happy we always have food, drink, shelter, most everything we need, maybe not everything we want but most everything we need, we're not paralyzed or blind or physically disabled or have Cancer or living in unsafe war, things could be alot worse & there are alot of ppl who are worse off then we are! It should make us feel silly over the trivial things we complain about, just think of ppl in war 3rd world countries starving, have nothing, live in fear & danger bad health compared to that we have it made & we shouldn't complain about the stupid things we complain about. So when i can't think about anything good in my life i just think i'm happy i have food, water, shelter, fam, friends, job, i'm not sick or blind or paralyzed or injured & i'm happy i don't live in war/danger ect.


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## kanarazu (Jul 4, 2009)

I don't like the phrase "you have to love yourself before you love anyone else", it just makes me think, "well I'd love myeslf better if someone else loved me, too!" All I can think is to take some time at the end of the day to make a list of five positive things that happened to you that day, no matter how trivial, even though it can be difficult. Then gradually you may start noticing the positive things more. I still have trouble with this though...


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## ntl (Apr 4, 2009)

radames said:


> I think that it has to do with changing your perspective. Do you have a roof over your head? A lot of people don't. Do you have a TV, computer, internet, and other nice technological gadgets? A lot of people don't. Do you have good health? A lot of people don't.
> 
> You see, there are things that we take for granted and until we visited a third world country we would have no idea how positive our lives really are in comparison. Are you able to type without looking? Are you able to navigate through many websites, use your computer with some awareness as to how it works, and delete cookies? Many people are unable to do these things. You have a lot of things going for you. Do you have all of your body parts and all of your sensory abilities?
> 
> ...


Well said.

I try to follow this philosophy myself.


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## HitTheSwitch (Jul 16, 2009)

kanarazu said:


> I don't like the phrase "you have to love yourself before you love anyone else", it just makes me think, "well I'd love myeslf better if someone else loved me, too!"


QFT! This person speaks the truth


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## lefty (Mar 15, 2009)

Like you, I stop implementing helpful techniques when I decide I'm really not worth it. And yeah, I slide back into negative thoughts. However, this happens less and less frequently. My physiotherapist said that the more I do exercises that move my body into correct alignment, the longer it'll take for my body to throw itself out of whack again. Apparently, the body wants to feel good and relieve its pain. Thus, it responds positively to new positioning and movement in a short time, eventually replacing the bad positioning with the good. And that can happen when I only do 15 minutes to 30 minutes of exercises a day. Even though I slide back into negativity, whenever I feel good enough I again challenge my negative thoughts; my hope is that the mind responds a lot like the rest of my body. I believe that whenever I am able, I should challenge those negative thoughts even if I can't do so consistently.


Below are the things I do when I can't possibly believe positive things about myself. 

I've been working on my negative self-perception for 3 years now. I struggle immensely with the idea that I may actually be a worthwhile, decent person. When I can't believe my affirmations because I'm so down on myself, I consider how well I live my values. So I think about what I value in others (things like honesty and compassion) and then I consider how many of those values are found in myself and in my actions. Surprisingly, most of them. How can I be a bad person when I possess many of the qualities I value in others? 

Sometimes I imagine myself as a little kid. I guess this is called the "inner child." Would I tell my little self that she has no worth? Would I say the horrible things about/to her I say about myself? No way! Can't do it. And then I realize that the little girl I was is still, essentially, who I am now. I know this sounds silly, but it's effective for me. I'm very slowly learning to be kinder to myself. 

Maybe it would help to do something you enjoy before you try to use affirmations or challenge negative thoughts? For me, exercise (playing soccer, bike riding, swimming) gets me in a really calm, positive state. It's easier to challenge negative thoughts when the rest of me feels good.

If you come up with other things that work, please let me know. While I'm doing better, it's very hard. It's great that you're still working at it


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## ippa (Jul 21, 2009)

im struggling with this as well, this is my biggest problem, when u feel great about yourself, everything around turnes to greatness, i found the good thing is to take a paper and start to write all that you honestly think about yourself and about world around, i found that i mostly think very good about myself, about people, about things in the world and their interaction, as opossed when im not writing on the paper, my thinking get very ugly, with irrational judgemental SA thoughts, but the problem is when im not writing i quickly forget that everything is great and beautiful around, as well as me too.


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## Your Crazy (Feb 17, 2009)

TheUnwelcome said:


> Just want to ask you guys how do you love yourself and think positive?


I don't.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

I can't do the "other people have it worse" thing.. because one day, I could become disfigured, paralyzed, blind... etc.. myself. I also just feel BAD for people. Like when I'm watching tv and they show someone severely deformed, and follow them through their daily lives, I just think that COULD be me. I'm not that person, but I could be. I just can't feel better about myself because of other people's misfortunes.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

For me, it's when I set goals for myself, follow through with them and realize my progress. It's like having something to believe in and work towards in life that gives me a reason for a lot of positive thoughts and feelings. Typically, one big reason I felt sad so often was because I always felt disconnected and unable to do things like the rest of the "normal" society. I now see this isn't true and I believe I can accomplish practically anything within reasonable norms. In other words, I believe in myself now, have hope for the future, and maintain goals and ambitions in life. Sometimes we focus on all the bad things and meanwhile we forget that we can find ways to motivate, inspire and accomplish our most personal of goals. You just have to live your life and go after all the things you want no matter how afraid you are and you'll build self-worth overtime and you'll begin to appreciate yourself and love yourself, but you have to give yourself reasons to do so. Once again, sometimes this means going after your deepest, darkest fears in order to learn from them and grow as a person. Sometimes we dig all around the heart of the issue but never really hit the core of our sadness, so w/e it is go for it! People may say it's impossible to achieve all the things you want in life but it's not really about achieving it but working towards something that creates meaning and appreciation in our lives.

You can't just think positive you have to really work towards it and be active in improving your life and just explore the world around you, learn new things, challenge your fears, meet new people, learn to add excitement back into your life, enjoy the simple pleasures, believe in growing and learning things as a person, etc. If SA is that "roadblock" in your life you probably need to really focus on overcoming it and believe you can because you can. You can start by REALLY working towards that for starters and doing things that will boost your confidence about certain issues.


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## Social_butterfly00 (Jan 28, 2008)

Just out of curiosity, who do people in third world countries compare themselves to to feel positive? It seems like they have it the worst, and I'm not sure if anyone of them are positive. I guess they would tell themselves to be positive that they have life?

Hmmm lol


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## Gary (Oct 19, 2008)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/on-positivism-from-my-experience-69794/#post1019428

here


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