# Uni assignment.. no one wants me in the group



## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

I have to do a group assignment (programming project) at university with a small group of people but no one wants to join me or make a group with me.. and the deadline is Monday.. sigh.. I will look incredibly stupid in front of the professor..

Believe me, I tried to take initiative to ask other people if they wanted to create a group with me.. I posted on the uni forum.. no responses.. absolutely zero responses.. 118 views..
I tried to ask a classmate of mine.. no response.. I tried to ask another classmate of mine.. and here is the conversation:

me: "Hey, do you already have a group for the project? Could I please join then?"
guy: "No, I don't have a group yet. If you know of a group I could join, you can always let me know"
(30 minutes later)
me: "And if you can't find a group, would you want to come into a group with me and look for other people? Let me know"
guy: "I just found a group. They were 5 people and now we are complete. I hope you find a group soon because you are a cool guy".

Yeah? You know what I tell him? I tell him **** YOU!!! Fake people like this anger me.

Why is it always us fellows who suffer from social anxiety that always get ignored by other people? 
It always seems to work out for everyone except people with SA. ****ing hell.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

What you can do is work alone, but make the project look impressive so they'll regret not working with you. Hopefully, the next group project you have to do, they'll ask you to join. What you don't want though, is them making you do all the work.

Best wishes.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

quotestrange said:


> What you can do is work alone, but make the project look impressive so they'll regret not working with you. Hopefully, the next group project you have to do, they'll ask you to join. What you don't want though, is them making you do all the work.
> 
> Best wishes.


I wish this was high school and there I could get away with that but not in higher education.

Here are the rules:
- you are to work with everyone and you have to help them and each other on completing the project
- you must communicate with the project every day and ask them questions and get feedback, and based on that you must continue the project
- your peers have the right to grade you (and this will affect your grade) based on what they think of your cooperation, communication and quality of your work
- there will be no next group project as this is my final project of my senior year, right before graduating

This method is also known as Scrum and Agile.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

Have you tried talking to your professor about your situation?
I really wish the professor was the one who chose who you worked with so it didn't have to be this awkward for grouping since you don't have much of a choice. How'd you manage with past group projects, if any. 
If desperate times call for desperate measures and you have a classmate on a your contacts list, text or call them that you only want to do the project in a serious tone and you're trying to do this to graduate, not trying to make friendships unless this is what you had in mind then otherwise..... But anyways, persuade them that having one more person means less work for the group.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

I agree with quotestrange. It would have been nice if the professor had assigned the groups. With that said, you need to do what you need to do. If that means you have to be more assertive than usual, do so. It's senior year and, worst case, you'll irritate someone you might never see again. If it gets you the grade you need, it's worth it.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

That sucks. Once when I was in middle school I didn't have a group for an assignment, so I went to the teacher and told him. He then yelled at me in front of the whole class about how I needed to grow up and find a group. It was pretty humiliating. After that day I never had trouble finding a group, because I would just ask the people sitting next to me right away when groups were being formed.They always say yes.

Good luck finding a group. I know it's hard with social anxiety. At least you're graduating soon so you never have to see those people ever again.


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## boas (Jun 9, 2013)

I have a number of group projects at the moment and they piss me off. I don't want my grade to be partially in the hands of other people and I certainly don't want their grade to be partially in my hands.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Why is that is more of a question I'd be asking .


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

quotestrange said:


> Have you tried talking to your professor about your situation?
> I really wish the professor was the one who chose who you worked with so it didn't have to be this awkward for grouping since you don't have much of a choice. How'd you manage with past group projects, if any.
> If desperate times call for desperate measures and you have a classmate on a your contacts list, text or call them that you only want to do the project in a serious tone and you're trying to do this to graduate, not trying to make friendships unless this is what you had in mind then otherwise..... But anyways, persuade them that having one more person means less work for the group.


Yes, I have and this situation has happened twice already - it is the reason why I failed twice for this course. It went like this: I started noticing problems in the group: no one would help me, everyone would be against me because my technical skills are not that strong. I went to the professor to have a private conversation with him and he told me he would talk to them about it and then I could join them again. So, that helped nothing at all and what they actually did is ignore me even harder and leave me lost in the project. I ended up getting completely demotivated (I couldn't write anything for the project because I felt horrible) and they severely affected my grade by giving me a very bad cooperation grade. 
As a last resort the professor had an open talk with everyone, me included and then a personal conversation with each one them. Wonder by wonder, guess what? I didn't help. The professor told me that even though the situation is not ideal now, I should try to cooperate. So I did. I went to one of the project guys like I was supposed to and I tried to help him by offering my help. Little did you know, while I was standing there this other guy from the project just says to the other guy: "Don't listen to that loser, he's an incompetent **** anyway". Having severe SA I immediately felt nauseous and so I told the professor. Again, nothing helped.

They ended up flunking my grade and in the personal exam (30% of the grade) of course I did not do well because I felt so horrible I could hardly study anything. This kind of crap happened twice to me and I hope this year it will go well. I will see to it that it goes well.

Oh yeah, by the way: instead of putting the blame and looking at the mistakes of my co-students, they put the blame on me, saying: "I think you need to see a shrink". Nice professors eh? ****ing *******s. It's all a corrupt system. I come from a poor neighborhood and I'm poor and they are all rich. No wonder they support them more. I am not the only one suffering from this discriminating bias because many universities do this crap for a fact.

I've asked my friends for advice and they told me I should sue my university but.. yeah.. I don't think I want to do that. They also told me I have the right to sue my co-students for slander and defamation - which is something I too learned in law class. They have to respect me as a human being and not bully me.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

"How'd you manage with past group projects, if any. " -> I only managed because in the other projects people were actually nice (well, most of them) and cooperating and I got to choose the people I worked with. I knew this really nice and friendly guy and my project turned out excellent and the cooperation too. 

However, if you are put in a team with random dudes there is a big chance you will end up in a team with *******s who can't stand you because of personality clash. This is what happens usually. I already sent a complaint to the dean board and guess what, they sent me an e-mail saying "We'll look into it" and after all these years they didn't. You know what that translates to? "We don't listen to poor kids' opinions or thoughts". This is a fact because a) all the rich kids' suggestions get accepted through the student board and b) I know someone personally from the student board and he told me professors are paid to make certain students flunk out of courses (poor kids) and certain ones pass (rich kids). 

A perfect example of this is me getting a B grade for something I fought really hard for and did excellent work for, while the rich kids were lazy, handed in crap work and got an A. Sounds fishy? Why yes it does. As a second example, in my sociology class my professor told me he witnessed professors of the highest order (the deans and such) deciding who is to flunk and to be excluded from particular courses. In this case, they said: "Let's prevent females from passing the nursing course because the statistics say they usually end up being client-unfriendly and the government doesn't pay us enough if most of the students don't end up being useful in our society".

It is all so corrupt and vile it stinks. This world is very ugly I tell you.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

As for contacting people in my class: I only know two of them. One of them already bailed on me and the second one ignored me. The only option left is being picked last (like I've been all my life).


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Imbored21 said:


> That sucks. Once when I was in middle school I didn't have a group for an assignment, so I went to the teacher and told him. He then yelled at me in front of the whole class about how I needed to grow up and find a group. It was pretty humiliating. After that day I never had trouble finding a group, because I would just ask the people sitting next to me right away when groups were being formed.They always say yes.
> 
> Good luck finding a group. I know it's hard with social anxiety. At least you're graduating soon so you never have to see those people ever again.


Thanks. However, the answer I usually get its "no".. but we'll see.


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## Vivi10 (Sep 18, 2014)

When I was at Uni I used to despise group work. In my first year group project I was in limbo for a long time because I barely knew anyone or made any friends. My uni professor made it easier for me by calling everyone who didn't have a group to meet after the lecture and we were allocated groups. Two of my group members dropped out and I had to complete the whole project with one other person. I would suggest you contact your prof asap.

It gets easier in your second and third year when you've been in groups before and the same people you worked with want you in their team because they know how well you worked in the first year. Also in the latter years you get better group members.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

group work feels.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Vivi10 said:


> When I was at Uni I used to despise group work. In my first year group project I was in limbo for a long time because I barely knew anyone or made any friends. My uni professor made it easier for me by calling everyone who didn't have a group to meet after the lecture and we were allocated groups. Two of my group members dropped out and I had to complete the whole project with one other person. I would suggest you contact your prof asap.
> 
> It gets easier in your second and third year when you've been in groups before and the same people you worked with want you in their team because they know how well you worked in the first year. Also in the latter years you get better group members.


You know what's funny? When you ask the professor, he says: "In a real professional environment there is no one holding your hand, so you are on your own for forming teams, otherwise you are not a professional".

I'll try and see what I can do. What will turn out though is that the loners will be put together and teams will be formed with those. I just hope I'll get lucky and get some good people in my group.
The downside is no one in the third year knows me so they don't know how good I can be. The fact is that currently I suck and I need to improve my skills.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

God I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate group assignments.


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## Vivi10 (Sep 18, 2014)

s12345 said:


> You know what's funny? When you ask the professor, he says: "In a real professional environment there is no one holding your hand, so you are on your own for forming teams, otherwise you are not a professional".
> 
> I'll try and see what I can do. What will turn out though is that the loners will be put together and teams will be formed with those. I just hope I'll get lucky and get some good people in my group.
> The downside is no one in the third year knows me so they don't know how good I can be. The fact is that currently I suck and I need to improve my skills.


As long as those loners are hardworker's who can make a quality contribution I wouldn't be too worried about personality characteristics. I got lucky with my group work in Uni when I meet this African dude in my first year who was a perfect group worker and both of us had to do a project for 5 people on our own. We aced it. In my last two years he invited me into his groups. It makes your life so much easier when you have a solid group who're all willing to put in a good shift.

I struggle when it comes to meeting new people but I would say I got lucky. All you need to do is ask around asap and someone will be more than willing to accept you in their group. No one wants to be a man down in a group. Pay no attention to that prick who rejected you. Most likely he's a ****ty group worker and just wants to fool around in a group.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Vivi10 said:


> As long as those loners are hardworker's who can make a quality contribution I wouldn't be too worried about personality characteristics. I got lucky with my group work in Uni when I meet this African dude in my first year who was a perfect group worker and both of us had to do a project for 5 people on our own. We aced it. In my last two years he invited me into his groups. It makes your life so much easier when you have a solid group who're all willing to put in a good shift.
> 
> I struggle when it comes to meeting new people but I would say I got lucky. All you need to do is ask around asap and someone will be more than willing to accept you in their group. No one wants to be a man down in a group. Pay no attention to that prick who rejected you. Most likely he's a ****ty group worker and just wants to fool around in a group.


Thank you for your kind words and advice.


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

s12345 said:


> "How'd you manage with past group projects, if any. " -> I only managed because in the other projects people were actually nice (well, most of them) and cooperating and I got to choose the people I worked with. I knew this really nice and friendly guy and my project turned out excellent and the cooperation too.
> 
> However, if you are put in a team with random dudes there is a big chance you will end up in a team with *******s who can't stand you because of personality clash. This is what happens usually. I already sent a complaint to the dean board and guess what, they sent me an e-mail saying "We'll look into it" and after all these years they didn't. You know what that translates to? "We don't listen to poor kids' opinions or thoughts". This is a fact because a) all the rich kids' suggestions get accepted through the student board and b) I know someone personally from the student board and he told me professors are paid to make certain students flunk out of courses (poor kids) and certain ones pass (rich kids).
> 
> ...


This is very saddening to hear. I already knew the world was corrupt, but this gives me another perspective. In my eyes, what separates you from them is the fact that you are hardworking and persistent. They may be looking down at you, but its their personality any looking down upon should be done. I can only hope things will go well for you from now to the future. Don't give up. You're almost there. Urge on. 
Not to sound rude, but I do wonder how you've manage to place yourself in a university full of the rich. Are you the type of smart that doesn't need any scandalous money to get in?


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

I got a group now.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

quotestrange said:


> I can only hope things will go well for you from now to the future. Don't give up. You're almost there. Urge on.
> Not to sound rude, but I do wonder how you've manage to place yourself in a university full of the rich. Are you the type of smart that doesn't need any scandalous money to get in?


Thank you.  About the enrollment question: it's simple, I got a scholarship (paid tuition fees).


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## quotestrange (Feb 27, 2014)

s12345 said:


> I got a group now.


Congratulations! Do update me if your partners were great to work with. I'm glad things are looking up for you!


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## teachamomile (Feb 3, 2015)

You got a group now that's good for you. I on the other hand, am about to fail this module because I don't have a project group and everyone has either already finished presenting or have already done their projects. I think I'll kill myself.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

@s12345

Glad to hear u found urself a group for the project 

-thumbs up-

Honestly tho i ALWAYS hated working in groups for projects. If i do it, its in my control and i get it done correctly. lol I dnt need to rely on anyone else.

Control freak, i know i am lol


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> @s12345
> 
> Glad to hear u found urself a group for the project
> 
> ...


I am a control freak too, whee! High five!


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Team progress is going quite slow because of bad communication.

When will people learn that others don't understand and learn things just by mentioning it quickly? Am I the only one who needs time to process a human message?
How do they do it? How the hell can you understand something in the snap of a finger and not forget it? How am I supposed to process input from 7 different people in less than a minute and actually make sense of it and remember it?
I'll give you an example of how I experience it:

person1: oksowhatididissimplyimplementingthegraphicsvectorandthenyougetthissetofcoordinatesthatcommunicatetotheviewwhichisquitesimplyneatbecausetheroutercomponentoftheabxmethodtransfertheintelligencetoanewinstanceofa..

person2:
yeahanditookthemessagingsystemandappliedanewtehcnologyadherencetoitwhileextracingthecoordinatestocommunicatewiththesubsystemand..

I stringed the messages together because that's how I interpret them in group.. they talk way too fast and for me to get a clear picture for what they are saying.
For crying out loud, slow down people! What's the result? I understood maybe 1% of what in the world they were saying.

One of the things I absolutely hate is people saying things are 'obvious', when they are not! An example: you are trying to learn calculus or some advanced math and the person teaching you tells you "ok, so you see this and this, is obvious, right? And this is obvious too". For crying out loud, these people don't know how to teach at all.

Either someone is being a hypocrite or I am not as skilled as they are, but I am much smarter than the average person, so something isn't right. What's even weirder is that when I test them on the fundamentals of what they are applying, they don't know a solid answer. So I'm being the loser here, trying to understand everything to a fundamental level and they are just 'going with the flow', taking something and using it, only half understanding it. Though, the result is that I fall behind severely and they move forward like speedy Gonzales. :/

Anyway, I'm doing my best to catch up right now..


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

I wish teachers didn't do group projects. Either i have a hard time finding a group or im stuck with a bunch of dumb children. I have a project that's due in like 3 weeks and me and the rest of my group haven't talked since we were assigned together like 2 weeks ago. 

I don't know if I should try taking the lead (a bit scary since they are all like 4 years older than me) and try gathering the group together, or just do everything on my own and leave their names off it.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

I would ask the lead anyway because communication is key to success. If it doesn't work out then you could always get away with doing it yourself. What matters is passing.. essentially..


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I would make sense if they assigned groups for you, then it doesn't turn into the embarassing situation where a few people are left like lemmings. If it was me i'd find the people who you dislike the least and say i don't have a group. If they refused i would say "look is it really inconveniencing you to add one more person". Sometime when people are being insular you literally have to force your way in.


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## B-3 (11 mo ago)

quotestrange said:


> Have you tried talking to your professor about your situation?
> I really wish the professor was the one who chose who you worked with so it didn't have to be this awkward for grouping since you don't have much of a choice. How'd you manage with past group projects, if any.
> If desperate times call for desperate measures and you have a classmate on a your contacts list, text or call them that you only want to do the project in a serious tone and you're trying to do this to graduate, not trying to make friendships unless this is what you had in mind then otherwise..... But anyways, persuade them that having one more person means less work for the group.


Unfortunately no professor choose groups, only very few and even if you talked to them about this issue they won’t do a damn thing, it’s students’ own problem that they couldn’t socialise with the others to like them and want them in their group even though there are many introverts in some groups but that’s because they made friends with them but it’s just destiny I guess..


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

Oh my the dreaded group assignment. Glad that is all in the past for me. I was always the malfunctioning part.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

I know this is an ancient thread but I've had the same problem at university. In fact, the last thing you have to do for the CS degree at this university is complete a big group project that takes an entire semester, and the groups _must_ be formed entirely by the students. Professors even warn you about it in the earlier classes, that you have to "make friends" with your fellow students or risk being left with whoever else doesn't have a group. I had a pretty good reputation in my classes as I got straight A's and was damn good at programming... But now that I've missed more than a year due to COVID and all the people who were in my classes are probably graduated or at least way ahead of me, I'm actually terrified of going back and having to do that project.

I feel like there's just no place for introverts anymore. EVERY employer wants a "people person;" even if you excel at the work itself, it doesn't matter if you suck at dealing with people. It's like, I'm not paying out the nose and attending an excellent university to make _friends_ -- I'm there to learn how to do a job. I don't give a damn if some people think "people skills" are more important than _actually knowing how to do your damn job_. And it annoys the hell out of me that there's nothing I can do about it because that's just the way Society works these days... Which just makes me want to stay home forever and not bother.


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## DARSHANER (5 mo ago)

s12345 said:


> I have to do a group assignment (programming project) at university with a small group of people but no one wants to join me or make a group with me.. and the deadline is Monday.. sigh.. I will look incredibly stupid in front of the professor..
> 
> Believe me, I tried to take initiative to ask other people if they wanted to create a group with me.. I posted on the uni forum.. no responses.. absolutely zero responses.. 118 views..
> I tried to ask a classmate of mine.. no response.. I tried to ask another classmate of mine.. and here is the conversation:
> ...


Bro it's been years you wrote this but what are you doing now, i hope you are doing well in your life. I was in 1st year when we have to make a group project but the same happened to me and in the last like you found a group i had also but the group members leave the group and went to another group and said our group is not strong and the group broken up. that project work was not compulsory because we were in the first year so i had also forgotten it but now i'm in 2nd year and it become compulsory not for all subject but for one subject. and i'm again facing the same problem. and now i'm scared what will i do in my final year project.


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