# Leaving/Quitting PhD programme



## MarilynB (Aug 11, 2012)

Hi Everyone!
I don't know what I am looking for really: approval, permission or advice? I started a PhD programme and I am about two thirds of the way through. From the beginning there was friction with other students in my office - the usual trying to size one up etc - and as I am quiet perhaps I presented new challenges. I had a misunderstanding with one of the students one or two months into the programme - basically, I took offense at something he said to me. I'm pretty bad at hiding my feelings I think - they even show on my face/body language even if I don't necessarily voice them out. I am generally quiet by nature and maybe due to mild SA it takes time for me to open up and be myself around people. Unfortunately, after this occassion everything I do say has been taken and spread around the department, usually out of context. I mean I have people I don't know or speak to coming up to me and asking me questions about my PhD work (as if it's going badly - in that "poor you" tone). And it's not going BADLY at all. I mean, in passing when someone asks me how my work is going, I reply, "Yeah, ok." Apparently the response should always be along the lines of brilliant, followed by a half an hour rant over one's genius! Sometimes people I'd never spoken to before but when I do repeat things to me I've said it makes me wonder how they know about it. If they don't know me and I don't know them how do I come up in conversation? It's usually really stupid little things - high school stuff - but it's driving me insane. I guess I never was a target of such in school. I feel I constantly have everything about me from my race, my introversion, my weight, relationship status continuously used against me in subtle ways. A few months ago, a rumour started that i was leaving/quitting my PhD and I went through a horrible period of shunning and vicious looks etc.. It was really a low point for me. I then went ahead and applied for jobs...and I was offered and accepted a really good offer. Now, although I have accepted the job, I feel bad about leaving the PhD behind (not because I'll be using it in the future) but because I have let myself down by letting ignorant intolerant idiots influence my decision. I can still back out of the job I guess - and never work there again, which is a shame as it's a brilliant offer or stay and fight to prove a point and get a "Dr" title.... what if one day I do need a PhD? I don't know. I guess I just needed a little rant this time. I'm also having a bit of fear over unknowns in the new environment. Better the devil you know maybe? On the other hand, I could understand and tolerate whatever this is, if it was coming from a rival research group but it's coming from my own. I know academia is competitive but I don't know if it has to be nasty. Maybe this is teaching me to toughen up? I have enough issues in life and life is soo short... I am turning the big 30 this year...I don't know if it's worth it? I have been questioning myself for weeks ...I'll soon have to relocate and start my new job. I envy some of the athletes in the olympics - they clearly understand that they are competing with each other but when it's over, some of them are big enough to congratulate each other and acknowledge each others efforts (although I don't see my PhD as competition really - it's completely different to everyone elses - it's individual).... I am an idealist, i know.


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## mrneonshuffle (Jul 13, 2012)

is it not possible to take the job and still finish your PhD? i'm only doing a master's and i have trouble motivating myself to study a lot because i work full-time but i would never give it up, even if i sometimes have second thoughts about dropping my dissertation and just getting the master's diploma!

i think that you shouldn't let narrow minded idiots spoil your chance of getting your doctorate, we all have feelings sometimes that people are out to get us when really they are not, it's just part of SA! and once you have your doctorate you'll never have to see or hear from them again anyways.

and there's nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve, i am the same way but i like that part of my personality


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## MarilynB (Aug 11, 2012)

Thanks for the reply mrneonshuffle. Unfortunately my project is laboratory based so I don't have the option of doing it remotely. I had asked if I could take a year off but apparently that's not an option either. It's just that this job is one that I would like to be in after the PhD lab time next year. The PhD qualification isn't actually necessary for the specific role I have applied for (which kinda adds to my stress and anxiety a little - haven't done this kind of work in while and will have to a relearn and learn a lot of new things. That aside, the PhD maybe end up being necessary if I wanted to work in other areas of the company. However, if I mess them around now, I kiss goodbye any chance of working for them next year and perhaps ever.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

By 2/3 way through, did you collect a Masters Degree in the middle?

Can you apply the course credits toward a professional masters degree?

I collected 2 masters and never finished the Ph.D. The Ph.D. thesis credits got to me.

In retro, it was a good decision to go work and save up money as it saved me from extra depression and however many other ailments caused by too much academia.


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## MarilynB (Aug 11, 2012)

Hi cavemanslaststand. Mastering out is the option I am taking. Just having doubts, anxiety about it all. Good to hear that it worked out for you though. I am a little depressed and don't want it to get worse. I am just afraid of the future, which no one can predict. I know I do have to work on myself to "fit in" better without changing who I am.


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## BakaNoSaru (May 28, 2012)

@MarilynB I was in the position about 3 months ago, I had two job offers both were fantastic one was in another country, other was few hundred miles away.. during which time i was having issues with my director of studies (Supervisor for Ph.D), and many many other issues. 

How ever in the end decided I wanted the Dr title more than the money id be getting so I stayed put, even now i still wonder if it was the best choice I made..

Point im trying to make, either way you will wonder was it the best option, a Ph.D is a stressful thing on its own, so all I can say is don't regret your choice, your choice, don't be afraid... from what you have shared sounds like your going to a better place, as its better to be happy in life than remain unhappy and hope you will survive. 

and finally note. never worry about who you are, getting accepted for a Ph.D, automatically makes you a amazing person who clearly worked hard to get there, be proud fact you got to that stage, and be proud of who you are, and there is a little to how much one should learn to "fit in", if they dont accept you for who you are its their problem not yours


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