# Man must make first move?



## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

Do man always need to make the first move? I mean can a man hope for a relationship if he decided never to do the first move and wait for a girl instead?
And what kinda type girls do make the first move?


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

I see women make the first move more in middle class/upper class communities. They come from affluent backgrounds and enjoy showing off what they got to feel good about themselves.

Working class women are usually totally afraid, isolated, or alienated. They never make the first move because they have nothing to share.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

well, men dont always have to make the first move... but if u wait for her to do it... u could be waiting for a very long time


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## BrookeHannigan (Mar 29, 2012)

In my book yes,
But i am old fashioned as i also believe in the traditional gender roles and families
Again MINE, lot of people think diffrently
Even though most girls i know wouldnt agree with my second statement but deff with the first
There is no deffinite answer for ur question


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

BrookeHannigan said:


> In my book yes,
> But i am old fashioned as i also believe in the traditional gender roles and families
> Again MINE, lot of people think diffrently
> Even though most girls i know wouldnt agree with my second statement but deff with the first
> There is no deffinite answer for ur question


I was gunna say, "Only old fashioned girls believe in traditional gender roles."

Lots of feminists try to have it both ways in terms of empowerment yet lack of initiative.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

There _is_ a definite answer to the question, and that's yes. Is it possible that a really aggressive girl will make a move on you? Yes. But it's so highly unlikely, especially for a shy guy, that it's hardly worth considering or hoping for. You are a MAN, you need to take up the torch.

Just imagine your kids asking you how you met your mother, and you telling them, "Well, I was sitting there minding my own business and your mom came along and swept me off my feet. I didn't even do anything, really. In fact, she was the only girl who asked me out so I just settled."

You can do it man!!!!!!!!! But the first step is trying.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

If I had more self-esteem I would do the first move.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

that's why even most shy girls are in relationships whereas shy guys are more lkely to be forever alone. Girls usually end up with the confident guy because the shy guy was to scared, then the shy guyends up feeling bitter


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

Yes

...except ur a "high potential" kind of guy (rich and/or good looks) then women will appoach you I guess too.

Ah what types of women would make a move, easy: They are open and communicative, often funny and when they´re drunk of course .......mostly so called party girls in 2 words.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I'm actually not too shy to make the first move or initiate things. It's just people don't want me to LOL


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Your best bet is to learn how to go after what you want and make the first move. Most women still expect men to make the first move. It's always best to learn how to go after what you want. I don't see any point in waiting for it, or someone, to do it for you if nothing is happening. I think girls do make the first move but it's not as common.


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## NoIce (Sep 10, 2011)

In my experience girls can and do make the first "move", but it's often more in the form of an extremely obvious attempt at giving you the chance to actually make the move.

Stuff like trying to be alone with you, eye gazing, and actually now I think of it, there was one time where someone tried to flat out kiss me. It really depends on the person, but 9/10 the most you can expect is for the girl to at most make it very obvious that she is interested in you.


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

I made the first move in my relationship... I don't think he sees it as "settling" for me because if I found out we didn't have anything in common I would have broken up the relationship.

A lot of girls don't feel comfortable doing it, though, and I think it's partly guys fault. Just look at the posts above. If she approaches he'll think she's overly aggressive or that he's just settling for the attention. If he likes that she approaches it's because he has low standards.... It's not like guys are much into the idea of girls approaching. Some just like that "power to choose" or that "control factor."

So, to answer your question, no; guys don't HAVE to make the first move, but it'll move things faster for you seeing as quite a number of girls are afraid of how they'd be seen, or would find his reaction disingenuous, if they approached a guy.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

I really really wish i could make the first move, but i really haven't the confidence to do it. So i have never asked anyone out, infact i'm not even sure i've ever made it obvious that i like someone (well i do think i make it obvious in my head), but since i've had very very little attention given my way, maybe it's time i start making my intentions obvious?

Tbh, it's not really my priority atm, i have alot more issues to deal with before getting in a relationship.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Hawx79 said:


> Do man always need to make the first move?


yes, always. waiting for females to make a first move is like milking a dead cow, it is futile.



Hawx79 said:


> I mean can a man hope for a relationship if he decided never to do the first move and wait for a girl instead?


no, never.



Hawx79 said:


> And what kinda type girls do make the first move?


super awesome chicks that don't exist


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Often times it is just rather inefficient for the woman to make the first move. Since in general men are easy so it really doesn't mean all that much if the guy responds positively. Much of the time they might think the girl will be easy to get in bed since she obviously likes you enough to hit on you. This is especially so with dating sites.

And the other thing is that guys have some sort of fantasy that if women hit on men all the time that they would hit on all guys equally. What would happen is that a few guys would get hit on tons, some would get hit on a little bit, and probably over 30% wouldn't get hit on at all. And if you do get hit on it would probably be by women less attractive than you. People like to aim high.

The other thing is you really don't want to hit on people you will likely run into on a regular basis. That would be so embarrassing to be turned down (or worse....) and have to see their face all the time.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

ive done it, though it was online so I guess that's a bit different. I have known other women who've done it IRL, so yes, it is possible. The assumptions some people are making in this thread about women who do(and don't) is laughable.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

HustleRose said:


> A lot of girls don't feel comfortable doing it, though, and I think it's partly guys fault. Just look at the posts above. If she approaches he'll think she's overly aggressive or that he's just settling for the attention. If he likes that she approaches it's because he has low standards.... It's not like guys are much into the idea of girls approaching. Some just like that "power to choose" or that "control factor."
> 
> So, to answer your question, no; guys don't HAVE to make the first move, but it'll move things faster for you seeing as quite a number of girls are afraid of how they'd be seen, or would find his reaction disingenuous, if they approached a guy.


:yes


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## InTheWorldOfNiM (Oct 3, 2010)

rymo said:


> There _is_ a definite answer to the question, and that's yes. Is it possible that a really aggressive girl will make a move on you? Yes. But it's so highly unlikely, especially for a shy guy, that it's hardly worth considering or hoping for. You are a MAN, you need to take up the torch.
> 
> Just imagine your kids asking you how you met your mother, and you telling them, "Well, I was sitting there minding my own business and your mom came along and swept me off my feet. I didn't even do anything, really. In fact, she was the only girl who asked me out so I just settled."
> 
> You can do it man!!!!!!!!! But the first step is trying.


Well looks like some of us are going to need the date rape drug otherwise that will never happen.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

It seems sadly thats the way of things.

Offline: The few relationships I had were from me approaching
Online: All relationships I had were from me approaching

I have had a women kind of approach me in real life (more of trying to strike up conversation) but they have been desperate women who are not my type


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## Cnidaria (Dec 13, 2012)

I think a woman making the first move is generally looked down upon, unless she happens to be very attractive. I'm always afraid of coming across as predatory or desperate. Sometimes I get an attached friend to help me out, tell guys that I like them or want to dance with them or whatever, but even that feels a little desperate, and I forget to smile/body language because I don't want to appear desperate, so normally that doesn't go too well.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I think it's commonplace for men to make the first move in most instances.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

But women should give signs first, right?
So i can assume for me having never had a relationship ever is due to the fact i have never made the first move?
As i can tell women should actually give signs to you showing they can accept you as there partner so to speak. And because women never gave me this signs i always have been pretty sure they would say no anyway.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Hawx79 said:


> But women should give signs first, right?
> So i can assume for me having never had a relationship ever is due to the fact i have never made the first move?
> As i can tell women should actually give signs to you showing they can accept you as there partner so to speak. And because women never gave me this signs i always have been pretty sure they would say no anyway.


Where are you looking for women?


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Where are you looking for women?


Everywhere i can lol! I
I quess when i go travelling alone with a backpack, in the malls, on the street, grocery stores, gym etc... 
Even in school times girls never asked me or gave me clues they liked me.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

komorikun said:


> For some people it just won't come naturally like that. That's why many people use online dating or go to bars/clubs. I would probably be still a virgin if I hadn't actively searched for men using obvious means.


Tried online dating site as well to many women. And all of them replied saying that there not interested in me, so no success there either.

I know i can be respectful and nice to women and everyday i yearn for a female companion in my life. And it sometimes tearing me apart that im losing the last best years of my life to be in a relationship, cause once i hit the 40+ i really would have no desire anymore to raise a family.

I am afraid im going to die alone, leaving no legacy and no one to mourn for me, no one that is going to miss me. 
What did i do wrong in my previous life that im forced by fate to be alone and unloved always? I feel i have been cursed ever since i was born.
Society would be a calmer place without me. All i cause is trouble.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Hawx79 said:


> Tried online dating site as well to many women. And all of them replied saying that there not interested in me, so no success there either.
> 
> I know i can be respectful and nice to women and everyday i yearn for a female companion in my life. And it sometimes tearing me apart that im losing the last best years of my life to be in a relationship, cause once i hit the 40+ i really would have no desire anymore to raise a family.
> 
> ...


You probably did not work the dating sites the right way. You probably didn't put up good photos and sent messages to women who were out of your league or something.

So tell us about yourself. Can't really advise you otherwise. Like what do you look like? What sort of work do you do?


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

komorikun said:


> You probably did not work the dating sites the right way. You probably didn't put up good photos and sent messages to women who were out of your league or something.
> 
> So tell us about yourself. Can't really advise you otherwise. Like what do you look like? What sort of work do you do?


Actually I did sent the best photos i had.

Brown hair, brown eyes, 5'8, 150lbs, very athletic but according to other people my face is very ugly, and i kinda agree when i look at myself but i dont hate myself either!
Very shy and quite, especially for my age. I dont like being lazy but I have been unable to hold on to jobs for more then 6 months because of social issues.
I am simple minded person and small things can make me happy.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Hawx79 said:


> Actually I did sent the best photos i had.
> 
> Brown hair, brown eyes, 5'8, 150lbs, very athletic but according to other people my face is very ugly, and i kinda agree when i look at myself but i dont hate myself either!
> Very shy and quite, especially for my age. I dont like being lazy but I have been unable to hold on to jobs for more then 6 months because of social issues.
> I am simple minded person and small things can make me happy.


Shouldn't you be more worried about not being able to hold onto a job than romance? Aren't you worried about becoming homeless or something?


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

illmatic1 said:


> well, men dont always have to make the first move... but if u wait for her to do it... u could be waiting for a very long time


I agree. I'm nearly 30 years old and I've been waiting for women to make the first step ever since my girlfriend broke up with me. I've been going out a lot, women have literally noticed me, hot women even, but I didn't take any step and each single one of them on,each occasion has left the bar/place. Approaching a woman shows selfconfidence and that is exactly what they want. They are allergic to insecurity.

I'd say gather up the courage and talk to the girl. It's better to try and fail than not try at all in my opinion.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

komorikun said:


> You probably did not work the dating sites the right way. You probably didn't put up good photos and sent messages to women who were out of your league or something.
> 
> So tell us about yourself. Can't really advise you otherwise. Like what do you look like? What sort of work do you do?


Any man can get any woman.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

s12345 said:


> Any man can get any woman.


Yeah, maybe after sending 500,000 messages.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

komorikun said:


> For some people it just won't come naturally like that. That's why many people use online dating or go to bars/clubs. I would probably be still a virgin if I hadn't actively searched for men using obvious means.


What obvious means would these be? Showing your skirt/hotpants? Enlighten me. I have no clue.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, maybe after sending 500,000 messages.


I am talking about face to face.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Shouldn't you be more worried about not being able to hold onto a job than romance? Aren't you worried about becoming homeless or something?


Not really, I inherited my parents house and I'm able to travel twice a year. I don't have money issues.


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## anxious dreamer (Dec 23, 2012)

I've always been the person to make the first move. But my relationships have always started online. :b In real life, I would never approach a guy lol. :afr


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

let both sides make moves.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

My type of girl. I have got 2 boyfriends by making a first move.
(I asked twice)


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've had 2 girls approach me in the past. I've never done the approaching.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Women make the first move sometimes. But most men with SA don't like bold girls like that. An introverted girl is definately not going to make the first move.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

From what I understand, most women just won't make the first move. So you have to, or risk losing her.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

women don't like making the first move. suck it up it sucks but just remember that some girls don't get approached at all so it's not easy for them either.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

I can never approach a women, period! I'd rather be in the ring with Tyson!
Unless she gives me signs first that she finds me "acceptable" so to speak! But i i never get it.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

Generally I don't like a guy unless he has shown some interest in me first. So yes, for me a guy has to make the first move. I may crush on a guy first, but it doesn't go beyond that because I feel foolish pursuing someone who wasn't interested in me to begin with. Consequently, my crushes don't last long as I hate feeling foolish. Unrequited feelings aka one-sided attraction seems like torture, and preventable so I rather stop before my emotions get the best of me. If he liked me, he'd probably clue in to the hints I drop, otherwise he's not interested but just doesn't want to hurt my feelings is my line of thinking. There could be numerous possibilities that prevent him from pursuing it that aren't personal towards me, like a fear of being hurt, but I just rather accept the worst case scenario aka I'm not what they want. It's probably illogical but it's just the way I feel. The only time I will make the first move to make things more official is if the person is showing obvious signs of interest, otherwise perhaps they are just seeking company, friendship, or they are naturally flirty. Subtle signs can easily be confused for friendship or a flirtatious nature, just as being nice sometimes is confused for romantic interest.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

Daktoria said:


> I see women make the first move more in middle class/upper class communities. They come from affluent backgrounds and enjoy showing off what they got to feel good about themselves.
> 
> Working class women are usually totally afraid, isolated, or alienated. They never make the first move because they have nothing to share.


That isn't true, I've made the first move twice and I'm really poor. Where did you get these stats from? Wow....


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## jkeith (Dec 28, 2012)

Hawx79 said:


> Do man always need to make the first move? I mean can a man hope for a relationship if he decided never to do the first move and wait for a girl instead?
> And what kinda type girls do make the first move?


Unfortunately yes. the experience I had with girls who made the first move, all of them used me and walked all over me like the red carpet, but that doesn't mean all girls who make the first move are like that, it's just my track record thus far 2 for 2.


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## MorningLight (Dec 22, 2012)

Most girls find it easy to attract a guy. She usually just needs to flatter her lashes and he will come over. If she is flattering her lashes at you and you are not, the likelihood is she will not do anything more, as women do not risk their pride so easily.

The odds are in the woman's favour because a man can have sex with many woman, and wants to usually, but a woman is looking for somebody to make them feel good in general.

This makes women far more patient. Men impatient. So as a general rule of thumb you must make the first move, or otherwise make yourself pretty damn special.

This is just how it works. I know there are exceptions. I was not born yesterday.

My advice is:

If anyone is looking for love, or looking for sex, or looking for anything at all.
Stop looking outside yourself.
Look inside.
And everything you need in that regard will become possible.

If you improve yourself inside, you will get more than the eyelids flattering you, you will get her 'accidentally' bumping into you.

But realise that you must not Need too much, as women detect Need, and are not attracted to it. You must be your own man and have your own independence.


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## larmo8 (Sep 19, 2012)

Not necessarily, no. But then it's irrelevant, isn't it? Because if you like the girl, then there is no point in waiting around for her to make the move -- YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT. Slightly easier said than done, but it's still as simple as that.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

No.

I love threads like this. She's a grown woman--if she's interested, she can put on her big girl pants and make the first move if she wants to. I know _I_ wouldn't feel emasculated by it.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

MorningLight said:


> But realise that you must not Need too much, as women detect Need, and are not attracted to it. You must be your own man and have your own independence.


Ive been living independent for years, i cook my own food, i look after my cat, i pay my rent, i have my car, i go travel alone en try to enjoy it, i earn my own money, i always try to be a good person and not judging except myself and helping people whey they ask me....How the hell did looking after yourself from within and being independent ****ing help me getting a girlfriend? Im 33 already and always been single!



larmo8 said:


> Not necessarily, no. But then it's irrelevant, isn't it? Because if you like the girl, then there is no point in waiting around for her to make the move -- YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT. Slightly easier said than done, but it's still as simple as that.


Yeah and everytime u get rejected a piece of you die with your confidence bleeding as well, so it is not healthy at all so i try to avoid rejects all together. 
Then again being always alone is not healthy either.
So its a catch 22 situation here. Damned if you do, damned if you dont.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

If I cared enough I'd probably attempt to make a first move. Instead I just do my own thing at clubs and wait and see if someone approaches me. I'll probably be waiting until I die, but hey, I don't care.


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## flamingwind (Jan 1, 2013)

The only relationship I ever had was the girl making the moves, all of them. i have been ask out a few time, but I always decline.

I don't think I would ever make he first move, ever


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## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Whoever hesitates masterbates.


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## flamingwind (Jan 1, 2013)

Borophyll said:


> Whoever hesitates masterbates.


well said my friend


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## lostfromreality731 (Jan 3, 2013)

if you have no self esteem then you are almost helpless to find someone


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## shy-one (May 10, 2008)

Sorry, doesn't happen in anglo-saxon countries like the US/Australia/UK where women expect the man to do everything. 

If you want women to make the first moves you have to move abroad.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Borophyll said:


> Whoever hesitates masterbates.


I'll save this quote for future use. :yes


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## MRX (Jan 3, 2013)

Girls have made the first move on me many times, the key is to actually be around girls.


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## Hawx79 (Dec 11, 2012)

The way i see it now is a man will have to make the first move BUT only after he has received some signals from the girl to show that he has some change.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

MRX said:


> Girls have made the first move on me many times, the key is to actually be around girls.


I work and live around many many women, go to parties where the women out number the men, have many female friends, and I have never had women "make the first move."

My guess is either you are very good looking, very charming, or very lucky, or I am very ugly, not charming at all, or very unlucky.

OR much more likely their is an additional factor, of perhaps you define "making the first move" differently than I. Perhaps you know how to talk to women in a way that makes them "make the first move." Perhaps you have use a special shampoo that works like like the Axe Ad on tv.

I'm just saying I do believe "being around girls" is not enough to get a date.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

If you're not first, you're last.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

It would be nice if people could just approach who they wanted to approach without dumbass anxiety getting in the way. Its really annoying if youre a guy and have trouble initiating with women. Its like that "if youre female you automatically have a boyfriend" argument. Bah, i dont know what im trying to say, but this stuff bothers me to no end.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I ill be doing the approaching.

Oddly enough, I have reduced my Paxil to 15mg and am developing an "I am beginning to care less attitude". It'll be the girl's loss.

I was the one girls thought was decent-looking, but wanted to avoid.
Well, I am a software engineer with a degree in Computer Science, I drive a Mustang, and have my own house. Not juat any woman will have access to my Millenniummanliness. No sirree *waves finger*


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## ApathyDivine (Feb 28, 2012)

I am far too shy to ever make a first move


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