# painfully shy book recommended



## monkeyisland91 (Nov 30, 2009)

so my first visit to therapist.. i've been recommended a book called painfully shy... and she says if it really hits me when reading this then will start from there... is this book a very popular one for sad members or just your normal sad book?


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

I seen it in a used bookstore a few years ago so I just bought it... I thought it sucked to be honest. Just seemed like a whole lot of common sense.

But then again I have a bad attitude, I think all self help books are lame.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

JayDontCareEh said:


> I seen it in a used bookstore a few years ago so I just bought it... I thought it sucked to honest. Just seemed like a whole lot of common sense.
> 
> But then again I have a bad attitude, I think all self help books are lame.


^

This.

Painfully Shy was my first foray into SAD; I only bought it because it was Amazon's top search hit. Aside from the stories it didn't leave a lasting impression. While the stories were good, this website is now far superior. I don't put much stock in self-help books anymore. Reading alone, has yet to transform me into superman.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I didn't love that book.


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## meyaj (Sep 5, 2009)

JayDontCareEh said:


> I seen it in a used bookstore a few years ago so I just bought it... I thought it sucked to honest. Just seemed like a whole lot of common sense.


That's an awful reason to dismiss a book. Haven't read it, nor have I really had success with any book, but even on other topics (philosophy, for instance), what seems like (and often IS) common sense can still be valuable information. I used to be guilty of it myself as well, but way too many people think buying a book just for seemingly obvious insights that they could have come up with themselves is worthless and a waste of time.

But just because it's common sense, and is really just a conclusion we could have come to on our own, doesn't mean we've given it any serious thought. It might not be a particularly mindblowing insight, but just from being down on paper and FORCING you to think about it as you read about it, can be invaluable, because just being capable with coming up with the thought on your own and deeming it common sense, does not necessarily mean everybody would have generated the thought on their own.

There are lots of common sense ideas in the world, but the reality is, the vast majority of these ideas don't even cross our minds until somebody or something raises the point, at which point we tell ourselves "duh", and often, as a subconscious effort to keep our pride intact or for whatever reason, we'll convince ourselves anyways that BECAUSE the thought is common sense, it doesn't sound foreign and so you clearly must have already considered it, and since it hasn't helped you yet, it must be worthless. Especially with the kind of personalities those of us with SA tend to have, it's an easy trap to fall into. One of the most important things we can do is remain open-minded.



JayDontCareEh said:


> But then again I have a bad attitude, I think all self help books are lame.


That IS a bad attitude and not very conducive to improvement, but then again, it's difficult not to have such an attitude. MOST self-help books ARE garbage anyways, the authors far too often rely solely on their own experiences and figure everybody else is either going through the same thing or can be helped by the same thing, and even among the occasional books that CAN be helpful, much like the medication a lot of us are taking, no one book is going to be helpful for everybody, or even the majority. It takes a lot of time and work to effectively deal with SA, and there just are no shortcuts or easy answers. An open mind is important, and I say this as someone who has admittedly been disappointed for the most part with all the books I've read. Don't forget that, almost by definition, those of us with SA have a very unrealistic and pessimistic way of looking at the world, and to overcome it, we need to be able to learn to fight back against such unhealthy instincts.

*Which brings me to the OP*. I wouldn't even really bother asking for opinions on the book on this board. There will almost be an overwhelming response of not being helped by any book. The same goes for medications or different systems of psychotherapy. The unfortunate reality is, all these things, individually, only work for a minority of people. And like I said, to deal with SA is going to take a lot of time and work. Your therapist recommended it, her job is to deal with all sorts of people in a similar boat, and I doubt she'd be wasting your time and money on a book that has never helped anyone.

Keep an open mind about it, and GENUINELY give some serious consideration to all the ideas presented in the book. It won't help you to be intellectually lazy (or any kind of lazy for that matter), as you'll never beat SA unless you get very involved and active in doing so. But also be very honest with her about whether or not it DOES hit home for you, because like I said, nothing works for everybody, there's an unbelievably amount of trial and error involved, and even though your success DEPENDS on you having a sufficiently open mind, it's only a waste of both hers and your time focusing on something that isn't going to get you anywhere. It can be difficult to tell whether or not an approach holds any promise, but that's why it's so important to thoroughly do your psychological homework and not just make assumptions. Time with a therapist can be very valuable, and unfortunately there is just far too much demand for them to really be able to see them for as long and as often as would be most beneficial.


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## lde22 (Oct 19, 2009)

I bought that book, read it, but didn't do any of the exercises and so nothing changed for me. I thought it was ok but it didn't motivate me to do the exercises it suggested.


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