# My Quest to eliminate my SA



## schooley (Mar 25, 2005)

Hey guys!

It's been a while since I last visited the board. Recently, I received an email from a moderator on behalf of the board asking me to fill you guys in on what I've been up to.

For a little more than a month, I have decided enough is enough. For a year and a half I had been reading self help books, scanning the internet for advice, and dweller forums like this one looking for ways to seek satisfaction in my social abilities and life in general. I was stuck in what I like to call Self Help Hell, consumed by a desire to improve, but petrified by the idea of facing my fear, and perhaps even scared of succeeding! It fostered seeds of self absorption and despair within me. In many ways, I wasn't much better off than in the days where I accepted my SA as just of fact of life, part of "who I am".

Well, I had enough. I made a commitment to myself to do whatever it takes to make myself better, to improve myself. And from their, things have improved remarkably! I realized that things like attitude, beliefs, reality even mood are all choices, things we can control with just a little effort. I am now happier, more confident, and more positive than ever. And I have a feeling this is just the tip of the ice berg.

I have also been working on my outer game. I have been facing my fears head on, no crutches, no excuses. You have no idea how wrong we had it! Most people are actually nice and friendly! I always assumed they secretly looked down on my, saw me as disgusting scum beneath their feet. But in my encounters so far, people treated me like anyone else. They were actually glad to talk to me! You see, most people are so bored with their lives, they will invite any form of deviance from their daily routine. A few commented on how nervous I was (I was literally shaking) at first, but it was done playfully and almost encouragingly, not with a mean spirit. 

Someday, when I feel competent enough, I will return to the board to offer advice and mentor to anyone who seeks it and has struggled like I have. Until then, I probably won't return.

I will leave you with these words. I have learned many things, but most importantly, I have learned that the only limitations in life are those you put on yourself. Also, make a commitment, like I did, to do anything it takes to get better. Write it down and look at it everyday. You have to mean it though! Otherwise, it will be empty and you will either feel no push to improve or further frustrate yourself.


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## schooley (Mar 25, 2005)

one more thing. Don't be afraid of rejection. The hurtful things they say to you pail in comparison to the things you say to yourself. They can only hurt if you let them, if you give them power. DON'T EVER GIVE ANYONE POWER OVER YOU!


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## Nyameke (Mar 28, 2004)

you've given me a boost of confidence...thanks!!


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

schooley I think we're on the same trail  if youre interested in llike sharign tips pm me


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## andrew_orion (Nov 14, 2005)

I've also started to think that this is the way to go for the last few weeks... Things have not improved remarkably to me so far though, but I can see some good perspectives and I am commited to fight this crazyness out.. Schooley, GaryUranga and anyone else who is also interested in sharing experiences and tips on this "mission" , get in touch with me.
Cheers
Andrew


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## R4ph4el (Sep 20, 2005)

I'd rather have you guys sharing the tips here where everybody can see them. Just a thought.

I'm familiar with the Self Help Hell, as you call it. I learned to take it easy. Take little steps at a time.
Self help makes you concentrate on the negative too much...Only do what feels right to you. Go with your gut, and start building from there. If it doesn't feel right then u have gone too far already, take a couple of steps back.
Some will say "but I feel anxious in everything I do", well yes...but you can feel anxious and still feel it's alright for the time being.
I still have a long way to go but I improved so much just this last year.
Feel better, feel more competent, be more competent, feel more confident, be more confident.


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## schooley (Mar 25, 2005)

Hmm, ok, here are some tips that I've learned from personal experience

Here is quite possibly the most important advice you may ever receive. Make a commitment to yourself to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to improve yourself. WHATEVER IT TAKES! Write it down in big block letters and put it somewhere you will see every day. I can't describe how powerful this is.

Stay positive always! 

realize that just because something seems one way to you, doesn't meant that it really is that way. We all make our own realities. Sometimes, aspects of our realities are both limiting and just plain not true. Search your mind and find beliefs that limit you and see if there is another way to look at them. Try to come up with evidence that they don't exist, and provide positive beliefs with evidence that they do exist. I highly suggest you go out and buy the book mind lines. I' reading it right now and its mind blowing!

Make it happen. Face your fear EVERYDAY. Make it a goal for yourself to talk to someone new EVERYDAY. People are always looking for the sure fire way to beat "SA" as they call it. Well here it is:
1. Interact with everyone you come across in you daily routine

2. Repeat until you die

I assure you that after a while, you'll never feel SA again!

Look into NLP. Its really useful.

Use Affirmations and say them like you believe it!

Journal often. Keep track of your progress, what you do wrong, what you do right, any major epiphanies, etc

Understand that you are going to fail over and over and over. I've just started and I've "failed" many times. But did I? What is "failure"? Just because you don't succeed at something, does that make you a failure? If your brushing your hair, and you don't brush every single strand does that make you a failure? If I don't enpower you with this post, am I a failure? Is the world really as black and white as "success and failure"? Does failure even exist? Or do you just experiment, play around, attemp new things? If you don't succeed, you know now something that doesn't work. Doesn't that bring you closer to success? How can anything that brings you closer to success be "failure"? Do you have to see the world this way? If you were mentoring someone else, would you advise them to see the world this way? Aren't your values of enjoying life, appreciating people, being happy more important than your concept of failure? How will your life be if you hold on to this concept of failure ten years down the road? (exercise in reframing  )

Read the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

93% of all communication is NON-VERBAL! Meaning body language, voice tone, etc. Just something to keep in mind.

May you all grow to enjoy every second of life you are granted!


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

someone has read David Deangelo  and of course so have I, good stuff Im on this path too


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

sorry for double post but I have an important question, thought Im improving a lot I still cant find that "I'll do whatever it takes" spark


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

sorry for double post but I have an important question, thought Im improving a lot I still cant find that "I'll do whatever it takes" spark


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## dora (Apr 21, 2006)

Excellent tips schooley. I agree, "WHATEVER IT TAKES" is the best part . When you start finding reasons to backout from "WHATEVER IT TAKES" , you are never going to reach your destination.


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## butterflygirl (Jul 21, 2006)

*whatever it takes!!*

Thank you for this inspiration!! Knowing others like me are following the "whatever it takes" philosophy gives me courage to do the same!!

Thanks for communicating your bold realization!!! Keep it going!!!

You guys rock!
Renee


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## Sunny Day (Aug 1, 2006)

Thank you for the inspiraton. 
And exactly how and why do we measure failure? Why have we ever used the term failure? It is true that we can limit ourselves from doing something that we have always wanted to do. The mind is so powerful that we can make ourselves believe that we have limitations.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

Sunny Day said:


> Thank you for the inspiraton.
> And exactly how and why do we measure failure? Why have we ever used the term failure? It is true that we can limit ourselves from doing something that we have always wanted to do. The mind is so powerful that we can make ourselves believe that we have limitations.


Good post


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

Great posts


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## Skroderider (Oct 4, 2006)

Thank you, schooley. This was _very_ inspirational. I hope I'll be able to follow your example.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

schooley said:


> Hey guys!
> 
> It's been a while since I last visited the board. Recently, I received an email from a moderator on behalf of the board asking me to fill you guys in on what I've been up to.
> 
> ...


I am going to print out this post...And read it for encouragement...Thanks mate.


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## niceperson (Nov 18, 2005)

I've made lots of progress with SA too and i think the most important thing to do is monitor your self talk, and control your worrying and self criticism.


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## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

I go through many periods when I tell myself that I will do whatever it takes to make my life better. I will be more positive, join more organizations, etc. The feeling never lasts though, how do you make it last ? I know you said to write it down and look at it to make you stay on track but that doesn't work for me, because at some point I will get frustrated and all my motivation to improve will be gone. Granted, that might be my negativitiy talking but seriously, how do you hold onto the optimism and motivation? Is that something that you need to learn how to do?

I guess a part of me is also a bit worried about getting better as weird as that sounds.


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