# I'll have to kiss her soon.. I'm petrified!!!



## Mr Blues

Okay so things have suddenly improved for me quite literally over the past two days. But I need as much advice on the situation as I can get (which is alien to me)..

So an american student who is living in my parents house, has shown interest in me from day one. She is gorgeous, the attraction is certainly mutual and we have so much in common. I couldn't believe my luck.

She and I went out for some drinks yesterday evening (our first date I guess), where we had a great long talk with no awkward silences. I even made her laugh numerous times, as I showed around the town afterwards.

Then later on in the evening while I was watching TV downstairs, she came down and joined me on the sofa. I told her she was just in time for a movie which was starting. So basically we ended up talking for over 4 hours, during which there was definitely flirting involved. One notable thing she said to me after she showed me two scars she had was - _''If you get lucky, you can see the other one''_. I was quite shocked to say the least and just smiled 
I also flirted with her too, telling her I loved her laugh and various other compliments. However, I never kissed her or made a move. Part of me wonders if she expected me to do so. I was truly petrified of the prospect though, as I have never kissed anyone before! This girl doesn't even know bout my SA!

What do I do guys? I really like her.. Ideally I'd like the first kiss to be simply a peck on the lips. If I dive straight into the deep end I fear I'll mess up.

Next time I'm with her though I don't think I'll have a choice but to kiss her otherwise I assume she'll lose interest??


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## wraith

Regardless of you "fuc*ing" up a kiss or not I doubt that'll make or break this thing. For the sounds of it I think you have a good shot and getting yourself a relationship here, you certainly seem to get a long.

If the situation presents itself i say go for a kiss, then pull back a little and see if she follows.


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## Mr Blues

liero133 said:


> Regardless of you "fuc*ing" up a kiss or not I doubt that'll make or break this thing. For the sounds of it I think you have a good shot and getting yourself a relationship here, you certainly seem to get a long.
> 
> If the situation presents itself i say go for a kiss, then pull back a little and see if she follows.


Thanks for the advice. Yeah we do seem to get on really well. I mean with most people, I will be terrible in conversation, but we never seemed to experience even one awkward silence (well perhaps toward the end of the night cause we were both feeling tired).

As I said though, I don't think she has picked up on my social issues yet, or my lack of friends. I worry about this also. I mean I have been around the house so much these past few days (though I am working at that too).

So what is the best way to proceed? Would it be okay to ask her to join me to watch a dvd tonight? Or would it be best to give her a bit of breathing space?

EDIT: Also she is going away on a trip as part of the course, this weekend, so I wonder if I should aim to kiss her before then?


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## Nessy

I'd say yes, go for it tonight and just ask her to hang out/watch a movie. That way if you kiss her and she seems positive she gets the weekend to think about you and fantasize about what might happen down the road with you two 

I'm no expert though, had one relationship which lasted a month so dont know how clever it is to follow my advice


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## wraith

Nessy said:


> I'd say yes, go for it tonight and just ask her to hang out/watch a movie. That way if you kiss her and she seems positive she gets the weekend to think about you and fantasize about what might happen down the road with you two
> 
> I'm no expert though, had one relationship which lasted a month so dont know how clever it is to follow my advice


That sounds about right.


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## River In The Mountain

Go for it!!


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## Mr Blues

Thanks for the encouraging words and advice guys!

I will see what I can do tonight. I am very cautious about appearing clingy though. Maybe I am overreacting?


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## Atticus

Yes, you're overreacting. Don't kiss her because you think you should. Kiss her because you want to. It will be a better kiss, anyway :yes


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## Nessy

Depends on how you do it, if you act like you will kill yourself if she says no she probably would get second thoughts. If you just act casual and say something like: "I'm going to watch a movie later tonight, you're free to tag along if you like." that way you just leave it out there and then its no big deal and you seem unaffected by her answer. Dont get puppy eyes and a long face if she says no, maybe she just has other plans.

If you spent a bit of time together yesterday only then I wouldnt be too afraid about the clingy part, as long as you dont act clingy and just stay cool when you ask her if she wants to see the movie and also when/if you do watch the movie together.

PS. If her eyes are drifting from yours down to your mouth thats a sign she's thinking about kissing you or wants to kiss you. Or so the general consensus says at least. Also, go in slow and just act casual afterwards. My first kiss (which happened like a month ago ;p) I rushed it and it was a pretty bad first kiss  Luckily it was her first kiss too so she didnt have anything to compare it too, got better over time though


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## IcedOver

I doubt she'll suddenly lose interest just because you think you have a time frame to make a move. Since she's a student who will, I assume, be leaving your country sometime soon, I wouldn't wait too long. If she's an American, she probably is attracted by your accent or something, so just lay it on. I wouldn't look at this as a relationship, but just a fling -- just go for what you can get.


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## cybernaut

Yeah, you should kiss her . You both seem to get a long well, from what I read. I bet she even has feelings for you too.


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## Mr Blues

Nessy said:


> PS. *If her eyes are drifting from yours down to your mouth thats a sign she's thinking about kissing you or wants to kiss you.* Or so the general consensus says at least. Also, go in slow and just act casual afterwards. My first kiss (which happened like a month ago ;p) I rushed it and it was a pretty bad first kiss  Luckily it was her first kiss too so she didnt have anything to compare it too, got better over time though


Haha I noticed her doing just that last night!

Part of me really wants to reveal to her that I have little experience, but I fear that will ruin everything.


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## Jessie203

Atticus said:


> Yes, you're overreacting. Don't kiss her because you think you should. Kiss her because you want to. It will be a better kiss, anyway :yes


Yes.


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## sas111

Just kiss her, it's nothing out of the ordinary escpecially for your age. She's probley expecting it, so don't hesitate unless you really don't want to.


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## PHD in Ebonics

**** her before she does other people.


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## 266x

Buddy you're in! One technique I know to get her close to you is to take her cellphone and pretend to text people or just mess with her phone, she'll jump on you and try to get it back. take it away from there ahha


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## bsd3355

I'd start probably playing with her hair a bit or touching her somewhere and then look into her eyes for a second and she if she seems open for a kiss. If she pauses and looks at your lips or has that obvious invitation glance, then go for it! *The point is to make it obvious you want to kiss her without saying it.
* 
But if that doesn't work then just say I want to kiss you and see what she says.


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## bsd3355

Psychedelic Breakfast said:


> **** her before she does other people.


This is another good point of advice! lol


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## Fenren

Just pick your moment and go for it later tonight. If you feel you may have misread the signs though, no harm saying do you mind if I kiss you [in a coy fashion].

But that would ruin the moment really. Imagine if you do nothing and she just mozies on back to the states. Do you want to be thinking what could have been and dwelling on it? Just be slow with the kiss, take your time, try to be relaxed.


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## OpiodArmor

When your with her alone and having a good time / laughing it up and it dies down for a second and your eyes are locked go for it. 

THATS THE SIGNAL MAN.


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## Paragon

Plenty of people have given you advice, so yeah, sounds like she really wants you to. Do itttt  Hope it goes well lol.


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## Properties

*I'll be honest I didn't read all the other posts, hell I skimmed through yours but all I have to say is get er done! :b

Its something that has to be done, by you and no one else. Regardless of how it happens get it over with man. Grab whatever courage you have and go for it. If you wait until she goes on that trip three things might happen:

1. She meets someone else who will make a move
2. She'll put you in the friend zone thinking your no interested
3. Your going to torture yourself always thinking about it
For your sanity, GO FOR IT! 
-Properties 
*


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## x3 Misaki

Sebastian can give you great advice xD


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## madsv

Just do it bro:yes


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## Mr Blues

Aw **** guys.... It didn't go too well tonight..

We went for a walk with my dog, and then later on we watched a dvd (Monty Python to be exact - probably not ideal).

We were both just laughing 95% of the time. Then I did something stupid apparently. I said *''come closer''*. So she did this, but I then put my arm around her (over her shoulders). When I did this she turned and looked at my hand, which was resting the other side of her. I dunno if that means she was uncomfortable or not? That's the impression I got from that glance anyway..

But then again, things quickly went back to normal and she was laughing away at Python again..

We were really close to each other now, but she wasn't resting her head against me or anything that intense.

But anyway.. the kiss never happened. After the dvd, she thanked me for showing it to her and has now gone to bed. The trip is tomorrow by the way, which is actually only two days in duration.. but now I'll worrying throughout if her feelings for me have changed..

Tell me the truth guys, is it looking bad?


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## OpiodArmor

Haha na man you just made a move, she didn't freak out of anything so your probably good. It's kinnda a bad sign that she didn't respond positivly but at the same time she didn't respond negativly; maybe she is not use to those sorts of situations. She could have been just as nervous as you were.

... but Monty Python? COMMON BRO! Pick something you know she will like; like go to Blockbuster or something and let her pick a movie so you KNOW she will want to watch it! ;P

Don't worry about little things like that. Personally I don't think its a bad sign; I mean she would have pushed you away or gotten quiet or left or something if she didn't like it. 

Just keep doing what your doing. It's good that you did that, in fact. It shows that your interested in that way instead of giving her the wrong idea. Just keep at it! Stay positive! Don't worry about it!


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## Mr Blues

OpiodArmor said:


> Haha na man you just made a move, she didn't freak out of anything so your probably good. It's kinnda a bad sign that she didn't respond positivly but at the same time she didn't respond negativly; maybe she is not use to those sorts of situations. She could have been just as nervous as you were.
> 
> ... but Monty Python? COMMON BRO! Pick something you know she will like; like go to Blockbuster or something and let her pick a movie so you KNOW she will want to watch it! ;P
> 
> Don't worry about little things like that. Personally I don't think its a bad sign; I mean she would have pushed you away or gotten quiet or left or something if she didn't like it.
> 
> Just keep doing what your doing. It's good that you did that, in fact. It shows that your interested in that way instead of giving her the wrong idea. Just keep at it! Stay positive! Don't worry about it!


Yeah that makes sense I suppose. At the same time though, I wouldn't figure this girl to be someone who would blatantly let you know if she is being made feel uncomfortable..

Haha as for the choice of DVD, it wasn't me who picked it. It was her! See I had previously mentioned Monty Python to her (the original series) and she had seen the films before and liked them.

And yeah that is exactly what I am hoping will be gotten out of that 'move' I made. I really wanted to make it clear I am interested.. I just really hope I did not put her off in the process.

She didn't even say goodbye to me by the way. Although in fairness I could have done so to her but felt I should let her come to me. You see after the dvd, she went to take a shower but did not specify whether or not she was going right to bed afterwards. However, that is exactly what she did.

On the other hand I thought it might have been silly to bid our farewells when she's only going for two days.. right?

EDIT: Also during our long walk with my dog, down by the sea, I mentioned how much we had in common. She agreed and started listing all the interests we share. Then she asked me what my favorite color was. I said GREEN, and she laughed in disbelief (turned out it's her's too).


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## OpiodArmor

lol she did? Weird, I never got that comedy though myself. 

And I think your fine, if ya'll be talking about how much you got in common / hanging out a lot she probably likes you!  I think you'll be good; just remember not to come on to strong or rush the relationship, it's important to make show her your interested but don't rush her decision, ya know.

However I would make sure to say goodbye / goodnight / sweetdreams and all that non-sense every time. It just nice.


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## Nessy

From my point of view at least it seems to have gone pretty well. Maybe she just wasnt ready/prepared for you to do something and thats why she reacted as she did. After all you said you were back to laughing and having fun afterwards so she has probably already forgotten about it but she knows where you stand which is good.

Just see how she acts when she gets back and take it from there


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## Mr Blues

OpiodArmor said:


> lol she did? Weird, I never got that comedy though myself.
> 
> And I think your fine, if ya'll be talking about how much you got in common / hanging out a lot she probably likes you!  I think you'll be good; just remember not to come on to strong or rush the relationship, it's important to make show her your interested but don't rush her decision, ya know.
> 
> However I would make sure to say goodbye / goodnight / sweetdreams and all that non-sense every time. It just nice.


Yeah I mean it really is crazy how much we have in common! Quite literally ALL of our interests are shared! Even down to our fav color.

So I am just hoping that this will keep me her number one interest.. I do feel slightly worried about what will happen while she is on this trip though. I'm trying not to though.
By the way I'm not sure if we should have exchanged phone numbers by now? Or is there even a point, being that we are living in the same household?



> From my point of view at least it seems to have gone pretty well. Maybe she just wasnt ready/prepared for you to do something and thats why she reacted as she did. After all you said you were back to laughing and having fun afterwards so she has probably already forgotten about it but she knows where you stand which is good.
> 
> Just see how she acts when she gets back and take it from there


Thanks for giving your thoughts.

Yeah I was actually psyching myself up for most of the time, before actually making that move. I even tested the waters prior to that, by touching her arm a few times when we were talking (which she didn't seem to mind).

Also, *girls could you pitch in and give your thoughts on this recent event please?*


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## SuperSky

Sounds pretty good to me so far. 
Given the similar interests conversation, the fun watching the movie, and the putting the arm around her... If I was in her position, I'd be thinking about you during the trip.


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## Mr Blues

SuperSky said:


> Sounds pretty good to me so far.
> Given the similar interests conversation, the fun watching the movie, and the putting the arm around her... If I was in her position, I'd be thinking about you during the trip.


Thanks for pitching in SuperSky!

That is good to hear. I do wish I had said goodbye to her though.. If I had the chance I would have but as I said she came out of the shower and went right up to bed.

Is something like that really that important though?


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## letitrock

IcedOver said:


> I doubt she'll suddenly lose interest just because you think you have a time frame to make a move.


I don't think it's that she'll lose interest, I think it's that she'll think _he_'s lost interest in her romantically, especially since she sped things up so much by saying the "you can see my other scar" comment. I feel like she might think he's only interested in being her friend.


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## Mr Blues

letitrock said:


> I don't think it's that she'll lose interest, I think it's that she'll think _he_'s lost interest in her romantically, especially since she sped things up so much by saying the "you can see my other scar" comment. I feel like she might think he's only interested in being her friend.


I think I have made it very clear that I am interested in her romantically. What others have said about me confirming that to her by putting my arm around her makes sense to me. Surely she doesn't need more than that to tell her I am interested?

What I am afraid of, is her thinking I am too much of a wimp to initiate a kiss with her.. and that this may put her off..


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## letitrock

Mr Blues said:


> I think I have made it very clear that I am interested in her romantically. What others have said about me confirming that to her by putting my arm around her makes sense to me. Surely she doesn't need more than that to tell her I am interested?
> 
> What I am afraid of, is her thinking I am too much of a wimp to initiate a kiss with her.. and that this may put her off..


Oh, I didn't read the whole thread, I agree, putting your arm around her is a romantic type thing to do.

As for the kissing thing, I don't know, technically you've only known this girl for a couple days, but you seem so close already, and the way you're describing it, it seems like the next step is the kiss.

I suppose you could wait because it has only been 3 days, and she seems so forward already that she might be the one to initiate the kiss, and you might not even have to worry about how to kiss her because she'll be taking the lead. And if she asks about why you haven't kissed her yet, you could play it off by saying you wanted to be a gentleman, take things slow, all that.


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## bsd3355

Mr Blues said:


> I think I have made it very clear that I am interested in her romantically. What others have said about me confirming that to her by putting my arm around her makes sense to me. Surely she doesn't need more than that to tell her I am interested?
> 
> What I am afraid of, is her thinking I am too much of a wimp to initiate a kiss with her.. and that this may put her off..


Look man, in the end when you do kiss her you'll feel so much better. This whole anxiety thing is going to kill you until you do it and get it over with. I'm the same way before a date or an interview or something--I get really anxious beforehand but I recognize it and know that once it is over it'll be a relief and also it'll allow room for more comfort. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about... your having anxiety due to the fact of "what-if" jibbers... it's normal, and if I was you I'd be doing it soon to get it over with and move forward...


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## Mr Blues

I have had a suggestion from someone to take a multiple stage approach to the kissing.

For example that I should start by kissing her lightly on the forehead or cheek to see how she responds. Then if the reaction is good, move onto the lips. Or.. hope that she takes the lead from there (as letitrock thinks she may do).

I would feel more comfortable doing it that way tbh. Would that work do you think?


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## StevenGlansberg

Kiss her on the vagina first.


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## Quietguy90

You got this man, i believe in you  after you kiss her you can amaze her with your guitar skills as well


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## Mr Blues

Quietguy90 said:


> You got this man, i believe in you  after you kiss her you can amaze her with your guitar skills as well


Haha thanks for the support man! I appreciate it. Yeah maybe that can be my back up! If I fail on the kiss I can show her what my fingers can do....

Oh wait.. no that sounds wrong  :teeth


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## WalkingDisaster

OP, look on the bright side. I bet practically every guy who's seen this thread would die to be in your position right now... Just wait and see if she looks down at your mouth as apparently that means women want you to kiss them (not that I've experienced that before).


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## SAgirl

OpiodArmor said:


> Haha na man you just made a move, she didn't freak out of anything so your probably good. It's kinnda a bad sign that she didn't respond positivly but at the same time she didn't respond negativly; maybe she is not use to those sorts of situations. She could have been just as nervous as you were.
> 
> Don't worry about little things like that. Personally I don't think its a bad sign; I mean she would have pushed you away or gotten quiet or left or something if she didn't like it.


You might think that she will push you away, gotten quiet or left. This was not the case on a date where I felt overwhelmed, scared, and uncomfortable. I literally shut down and said nothing.


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## mcmuffinme

hey, good for you, man! it's nice to hear a tale of our two genders getting along so well  

If I worded that weird it's because I'm high...


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## Bbpuff

Good luck on getting your first kiss Mister Bloo ^.^ I'm sure it'll all turn out right in the end.. And just remember not all first kisses are perfect, if you really want to kiss her just go for it.. My first "real" kiss, turned out horrible.. My then, boyfriend actually planned it after school.. >.< I was so panicky.. He literally spent about 20 minutes just trying to calm me down Dx And when I finally did manage to kiss him, well.. Our teeth slightly bumped towards the end.. x.x" Very embarassing.. If your first kiss manages to turn out worse than that, I would love to hear about it !


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## Paragon

mcmuffinme said:


> If I worded that weird it's because I'm high...


"because I got high..."



Mr Blues said:


> Haha thanks for the support man! I appreciate it. Yeah maybe that can be my back up! If I fail on the kiss I can show her what my fingers can do....
> 
> Oh wait.. no that sounds wrong  :teeth


:lol

Hope things work out man. Is it just me who loves reading things like this on here? Live vicariously and all that I guess. Good luck!!!


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## Robwk1988

I think you should go for it, because you don't want to regret it in the long run. Just do a nice smooth kiss that's not too long or too short. I would look into her eyes and see if she has that sparkle when she is looking at you, if so then you know she wants it. 

Just one thing do not give her tongue unless she does it first, lol that usually puts girls off. 

And lastly don't think too much about you messing up, just go for it and your body will do all the talking.


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## Hello22

Mr Blues said:


> Haha thanks for the support man! I appreciate it. Yeah maybe that can be my back up! If I fail on the kiss I can show her what my fingers can do....
> 
> Oh wait.. no that sounds wrong  :teeth


:teeth :teeth

Ah you'll be fine, follow your instinct, and you seem like a lovely guy, so no problems there! :clap


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## Mr Blues

Thanks for the further words of support guys.

I'm in a rotten mood right now, for a reason I will get to shortly... but here is the update;

So she got back yesterday, and when I greeted her she seemed to be in a rush to get up to her room but said she would talk to me about her trip later. I thought she had lost feelings for me, but within half an hour she came down and sat down with me on the couch and told me about the trip. She mentioned that a guy tried to take advantage of her while she was drunk but told me she repelled his advances which I was happy to hear. 
After dinner I invited her to join me to walk my dog. We didn't have a long walk as she was tired and had been drunk the previous night.. 
During the walk she told me that she didn't want to go to bed too early that night. So I took this as a sign and suggested that we watch a DVD together later on, to which she agreed.
Anyway some time later after we got back she came into my room and we talked for a bit. Then she asked what I was doing that night (obviously reminded my about the dvd). So I told her I'd still like to watch a movie with her, and so we did just that.

*I DID NOT kiss her* (surprise!).... However I did move things forward.. at least a bit. For example I had my arm around her the entire time. I also started lightly brushing my fingers along her bare arm, which she did not seem to mind. And there was also an occasion where I gently brushed her hair away from her face.

And most notably.. *She fell asleep in my arms a total of three times*. After the first time I suggested that she go to bed but she insisted that she wanted to finished the movie. Well for some odd reason she wanted to watch a second movie, after having been asleep through most of the first one! So we put another dvd on.
She soon then drifted off again. This time I did not wake her for some time as she looked so peaceful. However I eventually did, after which I insisted that she go to bed. She apologized to me for having fallen asleep so many times but I told her not to worry. I felt quite touched that she was comfortable enough to sleep up against me.

Anyway not much matters anymore... because things took a bad turn for me this morning. I woke up and noticed the early stage of an eye infection, which I sometimes get due to my wearing of contact lenses.. So this means that I'll have little choice but to either start wearing my glasses for several days till the infection passes (and inevitably destroy what I have with this girl), or leave the damn things in and risk severe eye damage. Or walk around blind of course......

So in short. My life is hell. Always lifting me up, only to send me crashing down.


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## AussiePea

Wait, you saying that wearing glasses will ruin every chance you have with her because of how they will look? Mate, any girl who would end something due to that circumstance is an A-grade moron. Things are not ruined, wear your glasses, get over your infection and continue pursuing this relationship!


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## Nessy

Why does wearing glasses have to ruin your chance with this girl? Also, I would try to kiss her soon if she seems to be hinting that she wants you to, if not she will probably think you are too afraid to kiss her or that you dont want to. Easier said then done I know but waiting too long can screw up everything.


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## i just want luv

your doing good. glasses or no glasses your still you so dont fret.


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## WalkingDisaster

i just want luv said:


> your doing good. glasses or no glasses your still you so *dont fret*.


Don't fret... unless you're playing guitar of course.


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## Mr Blues

For some strange reason my red eye has cleared almost completely.. Though you can never be too sure with contact lense related eye infections..

Regardless though, there is no way in hell I am resorting to wearing my glasses. I KNOW I am unattractive in them. So if the redness returns I will most likely just wear one lense and bear the resultant headaches and dizziness for a while.

This is just one complication I just do not need.


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## beethoven

Come on, dude. I never knew anyone who would dislike someone for wearing glasses. Most people don't mind and some even find it cute. Stop looking for ways to sabotage yourself. 
Plus, she got to know you without the glasses, so she already has an opinion about you, she either finds you attractive (which seems to be the case) or she doesn't, seeing you in glasses would not change her opinion at this point.


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## Mr Blues

^ Thanks. Yeah I'm done fussing over that. Turns out my eye is fine so there is no need for the glasses.

Anyway I need some urgent advice here!! Today I got the impression she was somewhat distant from me.. We talked in my room for a bit earlier today but now I'm sitting here in my room alone and she is up in her room..

One of the other american students here has brought a bunch of friends over, and I could sense 'my girl' was not getting on with them. So she has now gone up into her room while the other students are downstairs watching a movie..

I'd like to hang out with her again tonight, but I fear if I go up to her now I'll come across as very clingy/desperate. *What shall I do guys??* Just leave her for tonight?


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## Jessie203

^ You havn't kissed her yet right? And she's wanted to kiss you for days now right? 
Maybe she just thinks you are just playing with her head and not into her? Unless she knows about your SA. I wouldn't worry about it too much though. Just make that move !

Heres a tune for ya though in the meantime.. hahaha XD


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd

Ask her if she wants to get out of the house.


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## Mr Blues

Too late, they have all just gone out. And it seems that she went with them.

Ah **** I just need to know where I stand..

Also kathy, I couldn't have kissed her last night as she was tired and kept falling asleep on me all the time, as I've said. Most likely, even if I had managed to work up the courage to do so, she would have rejected my advances.


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## Jessie203

^ awww. I'm sure it will all work out. Talk to her when she gets back


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## Mr Blues

kathy903 said:


> ^ awww. I'm sure it will all work out. Talk to her when she gets back


They're back again lol.

I'm just assuming she wants to spent time with them tonight.. Perhaps they get on better than I thought.. I think they're all watching a movie, by the sounds of it.

I'm a bit worried though that during our talk in my room earlier today, that I gave her the impression I was annoyed or something. We had a great talk and she was excited and cheerful, but It was towards the end of the convo (I always have difficulty ending conversations). I basically said ''okay see you at dinner then.... I guess''.

Stupid me.. I must have came across as quite cold there, even though I was not. There was just so much going on in my rushing mind, that it came out like that. Anyway during dinner I talked to her and smiled at her as much as I could in order to let her know that I am not annoyed. I hope that was enough though.

She just seems distant with me while around her friends..


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## Jessie203

Mr Blues said:


> They're back again lol.
> 
> I'm just assuming she wants to spent time with them tonight.. Perhaps they get on better than I thought.. I think they're all watching a movie, by the sounds of it.
> 
> I'm a bit worried though that during our talk in my room earlier today, that I gave her the impression I was annoyed or something. We had a great talk and she was excited and cheerful, but It was towards the end of the convo (I always have difficulty ending conversations). I basically said ''okay see you at dinner then.... I guess''.
> 
> Stupid me.. I must have came across as quite cold there, even though I was not. There was just so much going on in my rushing mind, that it came out like that. Anyway during dinner I talked to her and smiled at her as much as I could in order to let her know that I am not annoyed. I hope that was enough though.
> 
> She just seems distant with me while around her friends..


Aww you are such a sweetheart you care for her a lot dont you
She may have got a cold impression (I think a lot of people with sa give that off but dont mean to).. miscommunication can be an issue unless somebody is upfront about things.. maybe tell her sorry if i was cold to you earlier and explain why if she still seems distant to u after u talk when her friends go home. Do your best not to overthink you will drive yourself insane!!! lol


----------



## Mr Blues

kathy903 said:


> Aww you are such a sweetheart you care for her a lot dont you
> She may have got a cold impression (I think a lot of people with sa give that off but dont mean to).. miscommunication can be an issue unless somebody is upfront about things.. maybe tell her sorry if i was cold to you earlier and explain why if she still seems distant to u after u talk when her friends go home. Do your best not to overthink you will drive yourself insane!!! lol


Yeah you could probably say I have feelings for her that's for sure. Perhaps I get attached too easily.. that's my problem.

Oh and actually now that I think of it, she made an effort to talk to me at the dinner table. So she didn't appear distant then. It was just later on, she appeared this way. It's mainly while around her friends I think.. or at least I hope.

Yeah I am naturally an extreme over-thinker/over analyzer. It's torture and I probably won't sleep tonight.. And its unlikely I'll get to talk to her tonight as she'll probably go right to bed after her friends are gone.


----------



## Jessie203

Mr Blues said:


> Yeah you could probably say I have feelings for her that's for sure. Perhaps I get attached too easily.. that's my problem.
> 
> Oh and actually now that I think of it, she made an effort to talk to me at the dinner table. So she didn't appear distant then. It was just later on, she appeared this way. It's mainly while around her friends I think.. or at least I hope.
> 
> Yeah I am naturally an extreme over-thinker/over analyzer. It's torture and I probably won't sleep tonight.. And its unlikely I'll get to talk to her tonight as she'll probably go right to bed after her friends are gone.


There is tomorrow  I think she likes you from what u say dont worry


----------



## Mr Blues

Ran into her just there in the hall. All she had to say to me was 'hi'. 

I think i've blown it guys. She does not look at me the way she used to... I'm feeling so devastated.


----------



## River In The Mountain

Heres a suggestion. Maybe shes picking up on your 'overthinking vibes' 
Like perhaps on a subconcious level you have both made it awkward for yourselves. 
Theres a high possibility she hasnt 'gone off' you. Maybe next time you talk, casually suggest doing something. 
She might be overthinking it too and shes waiting to see what you do next.


----------



## Darkrian

I know exactly what you're feeling right now, I can relate. I hate feeling like that, when you over think stuff about some girl, which brings on more anxiety, and then you start over thinking so much you delude yourself, and then you don't know if something is true or not and you keep speculating if it is true or not, and if it is, then what does that mean...blah blah blah

And then, that leads to devastation when that person does or says something that is even remotely negative. Yes, that sounds simple, and maybe she did loose some interest, I don't know. You can't back out of it though, don't. Don't fall back and stop everything. Go forward, and do something, I don't know what. Try to make an advancement before it's too late, ask her somewhere to hang out, like movies, whatever the heck it is, I don't know. You can't screw this up like I have before, I don't wanna see that happen.

I know it's so hard to understand that when you're in the moment like this, but I think the only thing you can do is just try and ask her out or something. Maybe she's waiting for you instead and she's getting bored. Happened to me, and I screwed it up because I assumed she was just simply loosing interest when it was all my fault because I didn't make a move in enough time.


----------



## beethoven

My advice is: go for it! Let her know that you like her. There is no shame in showing interest in someone, it is pretty normal. Guys like girls. Guys ask girls out all the time. It's really no big deal. The worst thing that could happen is she saying she just wants to be friends. That would be awkward and maybe even painful, I know, but would be 10x better than not knowing and regretting the missed opportunity for the rest of your life. 

Visualize the worst case scenario and the best case scenario, get used to them, be prepared for them and when you have accepted them, go for it. Don't dwell on it for too long though, this should be a quick mental exercise.


----------



## ThisGuy

Very interesting story. I've read it all and I commend you for getting so far with her; not saying that I'm surprised, but I would have probably freaked out pages ago, lolz. Anyways, it sounds like you're overthinking things slightly, and that if you don't make some kind of move fast, she could banish you to the friend zone. Then you'll really have to do work to get her juices flowing again.

Anyways, as people have said, she was definitely into you. I may be wrong, but based on what you said when you two had movie night the second time, it seemed like she was staying up to give you a chance to make a pursuit on her. When a girl likes you, she normally doesn't care what you're doing, as long as she gets to hang out with you and spend time around you. I really think she wanted a kiss or something that night man.

As for now, the ball's in your court. In other words, in order to rekindle that affectionate, flirty vibe you had before, you'll need to make a very bold move as soon as possible to maintain the flirty vibe, if that's what you want. I would casually ask if she wanted to go out on a walk or watch another flix, and then proceed with some cuddling and a kiss (or something like that) when you guys are next to each other on the couch later that night. Don't rush it; read her body language. If she's leaning on you or falls asleep on you again, I reckon you'd know what to do. 

If you make a good move, and she either doesn't reciprocate or things don't work out, chalk it up as experience and a measuring stick for the next time you pursue a girl. Don't beat yourself up (too much)!

I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## Jessie203

You don't KNOW she doesn't like you though.. maybe she was quiet bc she's tired, or confused and thinking you don't like HER. We could play overthinking mindgames all day or............

You should go for it!!


----------



## Mr Blues

I'm doing all I can to show her I am still interested in her to no avail!! I'm so frustrated... It's like we're going backwards. She just seems so cold toward me now. I talked to her this morning, and I felt like she was in a rush to get out of the kitchen. Though she was due to leave for college within half an hour.

So anyway I heard her down in the kitchen so decided I'd go down and have a chat with her. I was planning to sit down beside her and really make my feelings known to her. But I didn't have the opportunity to do that, so just asked her how she was today and what she'll be doing. I also asked her if she'd like to do something today.. I thought she'd be delighted to hear me ask this and say yes with bright eyes as she used to.. However she didn't really give me a proper answer. She told me they might be partaking in some sort of activity as part of the course but that this wouldn't be happening until half 7 I think. So I said I could take her out to this place I had mentioned previously to her, before she attends this thing. I can't even remember how she responded to that..

THis is probably really stupid but I;ve realized over the past two days that I have become really attached to her. I think her falling asleep in my arms the other night increased the intensity of these feelings. I could literally cry right now... I'm such a failure and most likely caused this for myself. I must have done/said something wrong.

EDIT: Yep.. I'm crying.


----------



## Nessy

Awww  I get attached too quickly too, really sucks. But you never know, maybe she has feelings for you too and just doesnt want to show it and be vunerable


----------



## Mr Blues

^ I don't know about that. I think she made her feelings pretty clear last week (with the remark quoted in the OP).

Anyway I failed to mention that she had to do a presentation today. She told me this this morning. And I also remember her telling me last night that she was having problems with her laptop.

I don't know.. perhaps I am just grasping at straws here... and trying to cling on to some hope. It would be nice though, if her lack of interest in talking to me this morning was just due to stress in relation to her presentation..


----------



## Jessie203

^ Her lack of interest???
I think youre making assumptions
She was blatantly flirting with you like 3 days ago!!!! LOL
Are you making excuses because you are scared to kiss her??
Give her what she wants lol!!


----------



## Mr Blues

kathy903 said:


> ^ Her lack of interest???
> I think youre making assumptions
> She was blatantly flirting with you like 3 days ago!!!! LOL
> Are you making excuses because you are scared to kiss her??
> Give her what she wants lol!!


I will give her what she wants, but of course I can't do that unless she wants to spend time with me..

She's going to be getting back in from college now any minute and I can't decide what I'm going to do... If I go out and greet her and get all chatty with her I fear I'll risk pushing her away even more. Yet if I stay away and give her some space, I worry that'll make her think I have lost interest..

I am going insane. What do I do??

I'm considering going downstairs and sitting somewhere where she will see me. Then leave it up to her if she wants to come sit and talk with me.


----------



## Jessie203

^ Man how in the hell is she going to want to spend time with you if you don't wanna talk to her bc you're scared you look desperate and this and that etc.
Most girls want to be pursued. MINIMUM talk to her. you can do it!


----------



## Mr Blues

kathy903 said:


> ^ Man how in the hell is she going to want to spend time with you if you don't wanna talk to her bc you're scared you look desperate and this and that etc.
> Most girls want to be pursued. MINIMUM talk to her. you can do it!


I went and talked to her this morning though. I seem to be doing all the initiating now and I fear it is going to make me look desperate eventually.

I wouldn't know what to say to her either. I already suggested going somewhere to her this morning but as I said she couldn't give me a definite answer.


----------



## WalkingDisaster

Ask her if something's wrong.


----------



## Mr Blues

WalkingDisaster said:


> Ask her if something's wrong.


Yeah I was considering asking her that, but I fear she may take it the wrong way and get offended or something.

If I run into her I will certainly try and talk with her, but the thing is I don't want to appear as if I am constantly seeking her out in the house. It just seems clingy....


----------



## Jessie203

^ It's not clingy.. its all about HOW you say it not what you say... gotta have a strong tone of voice and not sound twitchy like ur afraid

If shes just chillin around the house right now why not just go and hang out with her in her room or whatever... ?


----------



## 266x

kathy903 said:


> ^ Man how in the hell is she going to want to spend time with you if you don't wanna talk to her bc you're scared you look desperate and this and that etc.
> Most girls want to be pursued. MINIMUM talk to her. you can do it!


but what if she doesn't like you and doesn't want _you_ pursuing her. that's the fear I have I don't want to look like I'm chasing her and she doesn't even like me. (my own problem)


----------



## Mr Blues

kathy903 said:


> ^ It's not clingy.. its all about HOW you say it not what you say... gotta have a strong tone of voice and not sound twitchy like ur afraid
> 
> If shes just chillin around the house right now why not just go and hang out with her in her room or whatever... ?


Yeah I would do just that, if I saw her sitting down in the living room or something but it's a different story if she is up in her room (where she tends to be most of the time..). I feel like a nuisance going up to her there. There is no way to tell whether or not she wants her privacy.


----------



## WalkingDisaster

Whose house are you both in? Who lives there? A bit more info may help people to understand the situation better and perhaps give better advice.


----------



## Mr Blues

The students are all living in my parents house.

Btw she has just come in the door like 10 mins ago. Went straight up to her room. Didn't come to talk to me at all. In her room now - door closed.

I can't take this.


----------



## Jessie203

Mr Blues said:


> Yeah I would do just that, if I saw her sitting down in the living room or something but it's a different story if she is up in her room (where she tends to be most of the time..). I feel like a nuisance going up to her there. There is no way to tell whether or not she wants her privacy.


There is a way to telll... Go there and see if she wants to talk to you too!!!

If you dont take a risk you will never have her. Im sorry but thats how these things work hun


----------



## Mr Blues

Right my plan worked then...

I went and sat down in the living room and watched some TV. Eventually she came down on her way to the kitchen. I said hi to her and asked her how her presentation went. She then came over and sat down beside me, told me how it went, and _I talked_ to her for a bit. The reason I have emphasized that is that she wasn't as chatty as usual. It was me doing most of the talking.

Then after no more than 15 minutes she went out into the garden to hang out with the other (female) student, who was sitting out there.

So we had a brief encounter but that was it. She has plans for tonight though and won't be here for dinner.

If she doesn't arrive back to the house too late, I'm wondering if I should try my luck at asking her to watch another dvd with me.. What do you think? I still did not get a good impression while she was sitting with me on the couch a few minutes ago though..

Or does just the fact she came and sat with me show she is still interested in me?


----------



## Jessie203

YES JUST ASK HER TO WATCH THE DVD LOL! PLZ
I'm like tearing my skin off watching this thread
SHE WANTS YOU !!!! LOL
Good luck!!


----------



## MojoCrunch

Congrats on finding someone Mr.Blues! Great that you had someone to talk to for 4 hrs and having a mutual attraction. Hopefully things go well and something great comes out of it. That's all I'll say for now. Seems like everyone else on here is giving some good advice in terms of the nervousness involved, so I'll just keep it at "congrats, dude!"


----------



## Mr Blues

Thanks for the support, Mojo.

kathy, well I'll have to wait till she get's back (whenever that'll be). I don't know if this is just my over-analyzing again, but what if she has gone out on a date?? She was dressed nice, but she said she was going for dinner with friends from the college. I can only hope that's true, and it wasn't an excuse to avoid hurting me or something...


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> Thanks for the support, Mojo.
> 
> kathy, well I'll have to wait till she get's back (whenever that'll be). I don't know if this is just my over-analyzing again, but what if she has gone out on a date?? She was dressed nice, but she said she was going for dinner with friends from the college. I can only hope that's true, and it wasn't an excuse to avoid hurting me or something...


You really need to stop over-analyzing. I know it is hard but it will just harm a lot in the end.

She said she is going out to dinner with friends from college right, so why should she be on a date when she says she is going out with friends? You need to trust yourself and her.

It is quite normal for women and men also to want to look good when they are going out with friends. It has nothing to do about going on dates or anything.

Mate please relax about this. It is very clearly that she likes you but just because she seems a little cold at sometimes, doesnt mean at all she is less interested. She could just have had a bad day, having her period or anything similar. It doesnt need to mean it is about you.


----------



## Mr Blues

^ I appreciate the words of advice.

Yeah I'm trying my best to relax, I honestly am. I was fine a couple of days ago. Happy as ever.... and now I turn into this..

All it would take to quell my worries is to find myself next to her watching another dvd again.. Before it was such an easy/casual process..

''Hey do you want to watch a movie''
''Yeah sure!''

I now feel that it will be a gamble, asking her that question now.. It's a horrible feeling.

I think the most likely situation is that she will come back to the house and go straight up to her room again.. leaving me no option but to go up to her in order to ask her. I feel so uncomfortable disturbing her when she's in her room. I wish she would come and randomly knock on my door for a change..


----------



## Nessy

I say give her some space now and see what she does. If you do all the "hunting" there is no challenge and the excitement is gone for her. Go find something fun to do and get your brain off her for a bit. Then if she doesnt seek you out after say a day or two I'd see if I'd contact her and see if she wanted to hang out.


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> ^ I appreciate the words of advice.
> 
> Yeah I'm trying my best to relax, I honestly am. I was fine a couple of days ago. Happy as ever.... and now I turn into this..
> 
> All it would take to quell my worries is to find myself next to her watching another dvd again.. Before it was such an easy/casual process..
> 
> ''Hey do you want to watch a movie''
> ''Yeah sure!''
> 
> I now feel that it will be a gamble, asking her that question now.. It's a horrible feeling.
> 
> I think the most likely situation is that she will come back to the house and go straight up to her room again.. leaving me no option but to go up to her in order to ask her. I feel so uncomfortable disturbing her when she's in her room. I wish she would come and randomly knock on my door for a change..


Yes it is gamble but all aspects of life can be a gamble and I am sure you can do it.

When she comes, wait a little and then try to knock on her door. I know it causes you a lot of fear but there it is not dangerous at all and of course you know that. It is just your brain trying to get you uncomfortable.

I am sure she will be happy that you ask her to watch a movie with her.:yes


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Nessy said:


> I say give her some space now and see what she does. If you do all the "hunting" there is no challenge and the excitement is gone for her. Go find something fun to do and get your brain off her for a bit. Then if she doesnt seek you out after say a day or two I'd see if I'd contact her and see if she wanted to hang out.


The main idea of this post seems exactly right to me. I'd be surprised if she didn't view you right now as a little needy/invasive. Let her breathe. She'll probably appreciate it. But do _not _avoid her. Just go about your daily business, making your plans without regard for what she's doing, but--and this is important--be friendly as hell when you come in contact with her (big smiles). If my history with women is any guide, this will make you more attractive in her eyes. How she reacts to this will tell you when the time is right to go on the offensive again, if such a time comes.


----------



## Mr Blues

Okay well Paysage, that kind of exactly the approach I took with her earlier this evening. I didn't go looking for her but merely sat myself down in a room I knew she would be passing through at some point. And of course she did just that. I said hi to her and she came and sat with me.

So I guess it's best not to ask her to watch a DVD with me tonight?? I may just do the same thin I did above and so if she wants to join me on the couch again, she can.


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Mr Blues said:


> I may just do the same thin I did above and so if she wants to join me on the couch again, she can.


Sounds like a plan to me. This approach is a good way to feel her out, to see what she's thinking. Remember to be friendly and to act happy to see her (this won't be tough, since you _will_ be happy).

Let her take the lead. This does not mean that you should become completely passive and hope for her to be the aggressor. Rather, it means that you should let her actions dictate yours. For example, if she seems really bummed about something, ask her if she wants to talk about it (this is being caring/concerned, not invasive or bothersome). On the other hand, if she's only mildly disappointed, then it's best to let her be. If she's happy and bubbly, and doesn't seem to want to scamper off, then ask her why she's so happy. If she's being short with you, then let her go on her way (making sure to be friendly the whole time). And so on. This will avoid conversation when it will only be bad, and promote it when it'll be good. You'll know what to do.


----------



## madsv

PaysageDHiver said:


> Sounds like a plan to me. This approach is a good way to feel her out, to see what she's thinking. Remember to be friendly and to act happy to see her (this won't be tough, since you _will_ be happy).
> 
> Let her take the lead. This does not mean that you should become completely passive and hope for her to be the aggressor. Rather, it means that you should let her actions dictate yours. For example, if she seems really bummed about something, ask her if she wants to talk about it (this is being caring/concerned, not invasive or bothersome). On the other hand, if she's only mildly disappointed, then it's best to let her be. If she's happy and bubbly, and doesn't seem to want to scamper off, then ask her why she's so happy. If she's being short with you, then let her go on her way (making sure to be friendly the whole time). And so on. This will avoid conversation when it will only be bad, and promote it when it'll be good. You'll know what to do.


What is really important is that Mr Blues dont try to plan and think about every moment. By doing that he will never relax and that is really the most important. Things have to be natural.


----------



## Mr Blues

Well update.. Positive and negative sides to it..

She came down and sat with me on the couch again, shortly after she got in. First thing I noticed is that she was far more talkative this time. We weren't watching a movie however and so the mood in general was not quite as romantic as previous nights.. Of course it wasn't a planned get together either..

I did my best to be as flirtatious as possible and I also reached over and played with her hair a bit but she was not really close enough to me for a kiss. Plus other people came down multiple time. so that made it extra difficult.

I did ask her if she'd like to watch a DVD, but she said she couldn't as she needs to get to bed early for tomorrow. So after about 45 mins - 1hr talking she has gone off to take a shower and I assume will not be back down. 

Also when I went to play with here hair, I think I stupidly move my hand behind her head a bit too fast. I think she flnched slightly but nothing that stopped the conversation.

Thoughts?


----------



## forex

maybe she just wants to play because she's in a different country(college) soo if it would be me i would just play along (take advantage kiss & **** 24/7 ) but do not think in your head it would because something serious  unless she wants more.


----------



## forex

Mr Blues said:


> Well update.. Positive and negative sides to it..
> 
> She came down and sat with me on the couch again, shortly after she got in. First thing I noticed is that she was far more talkative this time. We weren't watching a movie however and so the mood in general was not quite as romantic as previous nights.. Of course it wasn't a planned get together either..
> 
> I did my best to be as flirtatious as possible and I also reached over and played with her hair a bit but she was not really close enough to me for a kiss. Plus other people came down multiple time. so that made it extra difficult.
> 
> I did ask her if she'd like to watch a DVD, but she said she couldn't as she needs to get to bed early for tomorrow. So after about 45 mins - 1hr talking she has gone off to take a shower and I assume will not be back down.
> 
> Also when I went to play with here hair, I think I stupidly move my hand behind her head a bit too fast. I think she flnched slightly but nothing that stopped the conversation.
> 
> Thoughts?


you got balls bro


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> Well update.. Positive and negative sides to it..
> 
> She came down and sat with me on the couch again, shortly after she got in. First thing I noticed is that she was far more talkative this time. We weren't watching a movie however and so the mood in general was not quite as romantic as previous nights.. Of course it wasn't a planned get together either..
> 
> I did my best to be as flirtatious as possible and I also reached over and played with her hair a bit but she was not really close enough to me for a kiss. Plus other people came down multiple time. so that made it extra difficult.
> 
> I did ask her if she'd like to watch a DVD, but she said she couldn't as she needs to get to bed early for tomorrow. So after about 45 mins - 1hr talking she has gone off to take a shower and I assume will not be back down.
> 
> Also when I went to play with here hair, I think I stupidly move my hand behind her head a bit too fast. I think she flnched slightly but nothing that stopped the conversation.
> 
> Thoughts?


I think you did quite well

She sat with you about 1 hour just after she got back. That is quite good right.


----------



## Jessie203

This is the craziest over analyzing ive ever seen in my life. lol no offence.
You do things fine until you assume the worst just go with the flow! I'm rooting for you!


----------



## OpiodArmor

kathy903 said:


> This is the craziest over analyzing ive ever seen in my life. lol no offence.
> You do things fine until you assume the worst just go with the flow! I'm rooting for you!


Yeah just relax man, it'll all come naturally to you as long as you don't try to think about everything to death.

Seriously I had next to no experience with anything physical / intimate and the girl actually thought I was lying to her after I told her. Remember that this **** is programmed into your dome and relax, you'll be fine.


----------



## Mr Blues

Phew thanks guys perhaps I was overanalyzing again..

Well she came down again briefly to get something. I made sure to wish her goodnight. I think that's important.. Sometimes I fail to do that.

Anyway I'll be quite busy tomorrow for a change (and she'll be out till evening too). So I don't know what I'll try next.


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> Phew thanks guys perhaps I was overanalyzing again..
> 
> Well she came down again briefly to get something. I made sure to wish her goodnight. I think that's important.. Sometimes I fail to do that.
> 
> Anyway I'll be quite busy tomorrow for a change (and she'll be out till evening too). So I don't know what I'll try next.


Does she have any plans for the weekend?

Maybe you could do something there


----------



## Mr Blues

madsv said:


> Does she have any plans for the weekend?
> 
> Maybe you could do something there


Well usually she goes on trips with the other students over the weekend but this time she will be here. However she already told me about one of he plans for the weekend. She's going to this place focusing on traditional Irish music. I found it odd she has not invited me to join her..

I mentioned a few times that I'd take her to a popular jazz club sometime. I suppose I could bring that up again, but I wouldn't know what day to suggest we go. She seems to be getting busier and busier.


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> Well usually she goes on trips with the other students over the weekend but this time she will be here. However she already told me about one of he plans for the weekend. She's going to this place focusing on traditional Irish music. I found it odd she has not invited me to join her..
> 
> I mentioned a few times that I'd take her to a popular jazz club sometime. I suppose I could bring that up again, but I wouldn't know what day to suggest we go. She seems to be getting busier and busier.


You could ask her tomorrow at some point if she wants to go with you to that jazz club. Better you do it tomorrow than after she has made other plans


----------



## Mr Blues

^ Yeah **** I should have tried to arrange the date last night while I was with her... Dammit that would have been so much easier.

Anyway the problem with mentioning it to her today is that we are both busy. She has gone into the city (since early this morning) and won't be back till 5 - 6pm. While I am _leaving_ for an audition at 5.30pm..

So my only hope is that she'll either arrive back before I leave or be up when I get back, and not in her room. Cause there is actually a great band I know she will like who are playing there tomorrow night..

Also what makes things even more awkward is that she does not use a phone over here. Argh it's so frustrating.


----------



## AussiePea

I can relate to this thread, I did a similar thing this time last year and it has only been due to this girl being such a forgiving and genuine human being that it didn't ruin things forever. Overanalysing EVERYTHING, to the point where even the slightest comment can make you jump to ridiculous conclusions and begin making mistakes which the other person then almost has no choice other than reading into it as you not liking them as much as they would hope.

You cannot make assumptions on her opinions of you or how she is feeling about you or anything like that, because it will destroy any chance you have. You need to talk to her, YOU MUST COMMUNICATE, do not play games, do not just sit there and judge the situation based on her making the move to sit with you because she will simply think you want nothing to do with her.

I learned from my mistakes this time around, I hope you can learn without learning the hard way.


----------



## GunnyHighway

I think it's a sign.


----------



## purplefruit

^^Yeah :lol Ask Vincymon for some macking tips lol

some random thoughts:

-ask her about school, or if she's stressing out.
-if she spends a lot of time in her room maybe she is doing school work, or stressed out. or maybe she is just introverted, i read the whole thread but i don't remember if you mentioned her personality or not.
-ask her to go out someplace other than walking the dog - althought walking the dog on the beach sounds pretty damn romantic to me
-it sounds like she is interested in you, because she lets you touch her and she fell asleep on you. and as a north american girl i can say that a lot of north american girls like guys with accents.
-in addition you sound like a sweetie and she should be climbing over her american friends to get to you.
-re: the kissing: am i the only one who might not appreciate having a guy try to make out on the first instance? maybe a few pecks here and there at first, then we can get into something more intimate. then again i have never been in the situation. so maybe you should think about taking it slower. that should be less stressful for you too.
-also maybe try to incorporate your music somehow, girls like musicians. lol. maybe invite her to some musical event that you're performing at.
-you said you guys share interests, maybe you could invite her to go something interesting that you know about since you live there and she's a visitor. like a museum or something.

But honestly to me it sounds like she's stressed out. i guess it's summer school time now, summer school can be like nonstop cramming sometimes. very stressful. i think you should ask how she's doing and don't feel bad if she acts cold because maybe she's busy.


anyway i'm not an authority on the subject of relationships at all, but hey we're all rooting for you! good luck! :yay


----------



## Mr Blues

GunnyHighway, Haha perhaps it is! 

Ospi and Eliza, thanks for the tips and advice. So shall I take the initiative with her today then? And ask her out for tomorrow night?


----------



## AussiePea

Mr Blues said:


> GunnyHighway, Haha perhaps it is!
> 
> Ospi and Eliza, thanks for the tips and advice. So shall I take the initiative with her today then? And ask her out for tomorrow night?


Most definitely take the initiative! You can do it, best of luck!


----------



## anomalous

Some of you guys are being way too hard on this dude. He's in a bit of a weird situation, with this girl being a guest in his house. I can totally understand his extra reluctance to be too aggressive and make things awkward. It's one thing to pursue someone on common turf, but when it's like shooting fish in a barrel, the most courteous thing (God knows, he probably shouldn't even be considering that as a guy or he'll be doomed immediately ) might be to let the visiting party do a good bit of the approaching. Sticky situation, and one I don't envy at all.

Also, I think he's somewhat justified in "over-analyzing" her hot-cold behavior in light of the above. If she's coming home and immediately holing up in her room, ignoring that behavior is almost a form of disrespect, seeing as it's her *home* right now. It's always easy to give "go get 'em, tiger!" armchair advice, but I honestly don't think anyone in his shoes (of either gender) would see it as being straightforward if confronted with the same predicament. In fact, I'll go a step further and say anyone who *wouldn't* think twice about clobbering a house guest with affection despite a marked change in behavior has some issues with boundaries.

--

Anyway, my 2c: if she's only there for a semester, she probably isn't looking for anything serious, nor should you be. If you're a typical SA guy (like me) who mentally makes every prospect into potential wedding material, this is going to be a tough path to navigate. Honestly, I'm not all that surprised that she withdrew some after a couple days of showing signs of attraction. In my personal opinion, she may well have been looking for a fling or some no-strings-attached action, and moved on after realizing that wasn't going to happen. Even if this is the case, she may still be open to the idea, but the question is whether that's something you want. I know I probably couldn't handle it, myself, because of my stunted emotional maturity and inexperience. Then again, you said she's really attractive, lol.


----------



## Music Man

I'm interested in the 'touching her hair' part.
Now I've never touched a girl's hair but a girl letting you touch her hair seems like a fairly intimate thing. Surely that's a sign that she likes you.


----------



## Brightpaperwarewolf

I wish I saw this post earlier! 

Just go for it man! You have so many good things working for ya. Take her to a nice romantic spot and when the moment feels right, do what's natural. I'm sure she's shy like you. Do what feel right.


----------



## Mr Blues

Music Man said:


> I'm interested in the 'touching her hair' part.
> Now I've never touched a girl's hair but a girl letting you touch her hair seems like a fairly intimate thing. Surely that's a sign that she likes you.


There was a lot more hair touching tonight lol. I took it to another level I suppose you could say... but still no kiss.

Anyway I am quite happy with how she responded to me today! I was out all day but when I got back in I took a deep breath and went up to her room and *knocked on her door*.

She came out and immediately asked me how my audition went (she seemed genuinely interested). *Maybe she did want me to come to her??* Well we talked up there for what seemed like ages. Then she mentioned she was having problems with her laptop and requested that I help her. So we went down stairs into the living room, and I soon solved her computer issue. Upon doing this she was ecstatic, and gave me a hug. After this we continued to talk in front of the TV.

*She had her hair styled with pig tails, which I said I liked playing with. And I also tickled her on the back of the neck with them lol.*

Oh man I make it sound like I have a weird hair fetish (which I don't). It's just the least challenging form of physical contact for me right now, along with putting my arm around her. The thought of going in for a kiss just invokes so much fear and terror for me..

Anyway don't worry, I didn't forget to ask her out again! I asked if she'd like to go to this jazz club tomorrow night (which I had been talking about). She said she'd really like that, and she would let me know tomorrow if she can go for certain.

So yeah that's the most recent update. Perhaps I should be taking the initiative more often??

Oh and thanks, brightpaperwolf, for your words of support. She is going away on a college trip again for the whole weekend, and I am feeling the pressure pile on once again.


----------



## Nessy

Sounds like you are doing a great job!  Though I'd really go for the kiss soon, if you have been flirting for over a week and started being a little physical she probably expects it. Have to ask though, have you kissed a girl before? I was terrified the first time but I just said to myself: I'm going to do this, cleared my head of all thoughts and went for it. The worst thing that can happen is that she doesnt want to and then you know where you stand. 

Try with a kiss on the cheek when you are sitting on the sofa watching something, then if she smiles/seems happy, go SLOWLY in for the kiss, that way she can back out and if you do kiss you wont bump teeth. Also remember to close you eyes and dont purse/pucker your lips.

Most likely she wants you to, so you are doing her a favor as well as yourself!  Afterwards just act normal, a kiss is (in the big picture) not a big deal, even though it feels like it when you got SA.

Edit: Pigtails are hot!


----------



## SuperSky

Mr Blues said:


> There was a lot more hair touching tonight lol. I took it to another level I suppose you could say... but still no kiss.
> 
> Anyway I am quite happy with how she responded to me today! I was out all day but when I got back in I took a deep breath and went up to her room and *knocked on her door*.
> 
> She came out and immediately asked me how my audition went (she seemed genuinely interested). *Maybe she did want me to come to her??* Well we talked up there for what seemed like ages. Then she mentioned she was having problems with her laptop and requested that I help her. So we went down stairs into the living room, and I soon solved her computer issue. Upon doing this she was ecstatic, and gave me a hug. After this we continued to talk in front of the TV.
> 
> *She had her hair styled with pig tails, which I said I liked playing with. And I also tickled her on the back of the neck with them lol.*
> 
> Oh man I make it sound like I have a weird hair fetish (which I don't). It's just the least challenging form of physical contact for me right now, along with putting my arm around her. The thought of going in for a kiss just invokes so much fear and terror for me..
> 
> Anyway don't worry, I didn't forget to ask her out again! I asked if she'd like to go to this jazz club tomorrow night (which I had been talking about). She said she'd really like that, and she would let me know tomorrow if she can go for certain.
> 
> So yeah that's the most recent update. Perhaps I should be taking the initiative more often??
> 
> Oh and thanks, brightpaperwolf, for your words of support. She is going away on a college trip again for the whole weekend, and I am feeling the pressure pile on once again.


Ok, awesome  I was gonna suggest something like leaving a note for her on the door or something if you'd managed to lose the opportunity to ask again but it's good that you got it.

Hope you guys get to go to the club together, and just kiss her already lol


----------



## Darkrian

Taking that initiative helped. Keep doing that more often and I guarantee you will kiss her....but I know that feeling with the thought of the first kiss...it seems so terrifying and you don't know what to do with yourself...but once it happens it's over and you're like "that was it?". Almost like jumping off a diving board and hesitating like crazy beforehand...and then the second time it's not nearly as scary...then the third, fourth time you don't feel any anxiety at all


----------



## Mr Blues

Thanks again guys for the support.

Nessy, no, that is the issue. I have never kissed a girl before so I'm literally completely in the dark as to how to do it...

I'm not sure if tonight is going to offer much (if any) opportunities to make the move though.. The only thing I can think of is waiting until we get back home. Just as we come to the door I could perhaps stop her and say, ''I want to give you something''. Then go for the kiss.

What do you think about that plan guys?

Or.... I could try to do it on the bus back?


----------



## Nessy

Just say "I really had fun to night" when you are at the door, look into her eyes, down to her mouth then up again, lean closely towards her face (aim a little bit) and close your eyes when you come close  It seems daunting when you havent done it and but its really that easy. Also, a kiss nowadays isnt a big thing, its grander in your head then its going to be when you do it. 

You could also like you say try it on the bus, I assume you will sit side by side so when there is a lull in the conversation or she looks at your lips/smiles just rid your head of thoughts and go for it. 

I was actually a bit dissapointed when I had my first kiss(es), its okey but nothing special.


----------



## Mr Blues

Nessy said:


> Just say "I really had fun to night" when you are at the door, look into her eyes, down to her mouth then up again, lean closely towards her face (aim a little bit) and close your eyes when you come close  It seems daunting when you havent done it and but its really that easy. Also, a kiss nowadays isnt a big thing, its grander in your head then its going to be when you do it.
> 
> You could also like you say try it on the bus, I assume you will sit side by side so when there is a lull in the conversation or she looks at your lips/smiles just rid your head of thoughts and go for it.
> 
> I was actually a bit dissapointed when I had my first kiss(es), its okey but nothing special.


Okay that sounds good, thanks for the tip!

I'm also considering aiming to at least giving her a kiss on the cheek on the train on the way to the place. I am paranoid about other guys hitting on her at this bar you see, so I feel I kind of need to 'claim' her in a way beforehand. So she would then be unlikely to respond to anyone else hitting on her..

So if I do that on the way there, I could then try for the real kiss on the way back. Does that sound good? Or would that be too much?


----------



## Nessy

Not too much at all, you could always look at her reaction when you kiss her on the cheek and go for the kiss then. That way you have got it out of the way and you can kiss more on the way home


----------



## Mr Blues

Okay. I just hope that me doing this in a public setting won't make her feel uncomfortable. I suppose it'll help if our carriage is empty.

Also should I be paying for EVERYTHING? I mean including the price in, drinks, transport (the possibility of us needing a taxi), it's going to amount up to a lot. What's the procedure here?


----------



## Nessy

Some women say that they want to split or pay the bill but really want to guy to do it, some actually want to split it (especially if the date doesnt go well since then they dont feel they owe anything) but I personally have paid for some of the expenses on dates, some I've shared (depending on my economy at the time).

So if you can afford it, pay, if you cant; then split would be my suggestion. You can also pay and say along the lines of "You can pay for the next one", that way you both show that you want to do it again and you wont have to pay for everything always. 

For instance on the first date I paid for the bowling, then she wanted to play more and paid for the next series. On the second date I paid for pizza/soda at a restaurant (which is quite expensive here in Norway) and she paid for the cinema tickets. That way you save money and she doesnt have to feel like she owes you anything, that means if she wants to keep hanging out with you its not because she feels obliged to but because she wanted to do it.


----------



## Mr Blues

I don't know what to think today guys.. Last night was pretty emotional.. and complicated so I'll do my best to explain..

Basically as far as the main event.. we had fun. Everything went smoothly. We got out there, had a drink beforehand and then went in to watch the band. The place was almost empty and I had my arm around her the whole time.

Then when we left, it was late and very cold. So this is where it all started...

When I heard her say she was cold I put my arm around tight while we were walking. At this point she kind of got emotional, and ended up saying that she doesn't want to hurt me. And that she is a messed up girl, who I wouldn't want to be with. Anyway I responded saying that was nonsense, and told her I really like her and feel we have a connection. 
Then I asked her to tell me about what makes her messed up. Well she told me she had been engaged to her ex, whom she only fell apart with 6 months ago. She said he took advantage of her at her most vulnerable time (whatever she meant by that).
We didn't talk too much more about it until on the train, when I brought it up again telling her I am glad she explained things to me. I clarified again that I really liked her. Well she then went to tell me more things that she thinks makes her 'messed up'. She said a guy apparently took advantage of her last weekend while she was away.. and that he clearly said to her ''this is a one night stand'' (though they did not have sex)..

I then said, at some point, that nobody is perfect but from what I understood was that it was mostly other people who were in the wrong and not her.

When we got off the train and started the walk to the house I had my arm wrapped around her tight and she said I made her feel really warm. 
Then when we arrived back into the house I asked her to come in to the living room so we can talk a bit more which she agreed to. We sat down on the couch quite close up to each other. There was silence for a bit, and she was looking at me the whole time. Then I eventually told her something like ''I'm not going to kiss you if that is not what you want'', but said I would like to kiss her. At some point though I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

During the convo she mentioned that she is only here for another three weeks and she can't deal with long distance relationships as that was the case with her ex.

Also made clear to her that I am not a guy who would use her and disguard her like the others. I mentioned again at some point that ''I could kiss you now, but I want you to feel the same way''.

Anyway we weren't getting anywhere as we both had many silences in which we just sat there looking at each other. So eventually I said to her that I'd like her to have a think about us getting together while she is away on her trip, and she agreed.

Shortly after she said that if we do not end up in a relationship, then she would still like to have me as a friend. I said I would 'be honored', 'but I want more than that'.

I may have missed out important bits cause there really was so much talk (as well as getting the order wrong). But anyway at the end we had like a really long hug, and I told her to enjoy her trip and that I'd see her when she got back..

I don't know what to think guys?


----------



## bsd3355

She just wants to be friends or isn't interested. I think it's pretty obvious.


----------



## Mr Blues

^ You don't think she was ever interested in me? If not, why would she say some of the things she said? The blatant flirtatious comment in the OP for example. I don't understand this..

I'm so depressed right now and I don't know if it's rational to think this way but I'd like to hope that there is still a chance.. And that maybe after she has thought it over like she said she would, she will feel differently once she gets back in two days time..


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## Nessy

Tough to tell how she feels, she might have told you all that stuff to let you down easy, or she did it because she likes you and wanted you to know that about her. The fact that she said she would like to have you as a friend if things dont work out doesnt bode well though. 

Time will tell though I guess, dont really have any other thoughts or oppinions to share at this point but I really hope it works out well.


----------



## BKrakow

she probably likes you but is afraid of getting into anything serious, due to recently breaking up with her fiance and the long distance issue she mentioned. she can probably tell you really like her and that's why she was pulling away a bit before and now tells you all this--to prevent you from getting hurt. it definitely seems like she likes you, but you may have to settle for a casual fling if you want things to progress with her, or give up on it if you don't want that/couldn't handle it...


----------



## Mr Blues

bkitty1 said:


> she probably likes you but is afraid of getting into anything serious, due to recently breaking up with her fiance and the long distance issue she mentioned. she can probably tell you really like her and that's why she was pulling away a bit before and now tells you all this--to prevent you from getting hurt. it definitely seems like she likes you, but you may have to settle for a casual fling if you want things to progress with her, or give up on it if you don't want that/couldn't handle it...


Yeah it all just confuses the hell outta me, but what you say makes sense.

I haven't told you guys the whole story. This girl was the first to initiate contact with me. I barely talked to her when she arrived for the first time. She approached me and asked me if she could tag along to one of my gigs, and that's how it all started.. I asked her out for drinks.. then we began the movie watching etc.. It wouldn't make sense for her to do all these things with me if she didn't find me attractive.

And about the casual fling.. I am ashamed to say it but YES I could certainly do that.. I'd do anything to be close and intimate with her. I *don't* want just a friend.

My question is.. how do I go about doing that? What do I say to her?


----------



## beethoven

I think it's time to be more aggressive. Show her that you are not just a nice guy with no attitude. Those people tend to fall into the friends zone pretty easily. Sometimes what women say they want is not what they really want.

I am not telling you to be a inconsiderate jerk, not at all, just try to get more physical, be more playful and sexual, massage and kiss her neck, breathe close to her ears, slightly pull her hair back, tease her, make her see you like a sexual being instead of a "harmless" friend. Certain things don't need to be spoken. Asking permission to kiss can be a turnoff for some women. If you are too awkward, share a couple of bottles of wine with her next time you hang out. Alcohol make these things a lot easier.

Also, don't act like you care too much. Women get scared and back off when men are too clingy right away. Specially in this case, when she actually verbalized she doesn't want to hurt you and is concerned with the long distance factor. Showing you are totally okay with a fling right now will quiet her concerns.


----------



## Mr Blues

beethoven said:


> I think it's time to be more aggressive. Show her that you are not just a nice guy with no attitude. Those people tend to fall into the friends zone pretty easily. Sometimes what women say they want is not what they really want.
> 
> I am not telling you to be a inconsiderate jerk, not at all, just try to get more physical, be more playful and sexual, massage and kiss her neck, breathe close to her ears, slightly pull her hair back, tease her, make her see you like a sexual being instead of a "harmless" friend. Certain things don't need to be spoken. Asking permission to kiss can be a turnoff for some women. If you are too awkward, share a couple of bottles of wine with her next time you hang out. Alcohol make these things a lot easier.
> 
> Also, don't act like you care too much. Women get scared and back off when men are too clingy right away. Specially in this case, when she actually verbalized she doesn't want to hurt you and is concerned with the long distance factor. Showing you are totally okay with a fling right now will quiet her concerns.


Okay but surely I must first tell her that I am okay with a fling so that she doesn't get the wrong idea if I try the above ''aggressive'' approach right?

Otherwise she may back off again.

Do you think I should sit her down when she get's back (sunday) and tell her that I think she was right about us not being in the right circumstances for a relationship, but state that I'd still like to feel some closeness with her or something?


----------



## BKrakow

try to keep things light. I would just say something like, I understand you probably don't want anything serious right now, but I like you and we have a great time together, let's enjoy each other's company while we can. or something.

and then...the smooch!


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## Nessy

I'd tell her that you are okay with it not being anything serious but that you would like to have fun and spend time with her the time that she's there. Also do as the above poster said about being more physical/sexual so that she doesnt think you just want to be her girlfriend for the rest of her stay.


----------



## Mr Blues

bkitty1 said:


> try to keep things light. I would just say something like, I understand you probably don't want anything serious right now, but I like you and we have a great time together, let's enjoy each other's company while we can. or something.
> 
> and then...the smooch!


Okay that sounds fine. I will say that then, thanks.

So do you think there is a low possibility of her rejecting my advances if I do as above?

I don't know why.. but last night was a huge blow to my confidence and, even though I know she has given off clear signs of attraction toward me before, I can't help but feel somewhat undesirable in the aftermath..

EDIT: Nessy, thanks for your suggestion also. I'm keeping it all in mind.


----------



## bsd3355

I'll be honest with you, I haven't read all the posts in this thread but the one I commented on last recently... from that alone I wouldn't want anything serious with her. She obviously is not looking or confused about you two. I hate that. From my experience, when a girl can't make up her mind that is a bad thing. I never wait on a girl. The decision isn't THAT hard. Come on now... it's not like you guys are getting marreid or anything. Geesh. I say move on before she confuses you more. She most likely doesn't want a relationship with you and is letting you down easy to not hurt you feelings too bad.

That's my take on it. By the time (if by the time) she comes around and somehow wants to be in a relationship with you you could meet more girls who know what they want and aren't beating you around the bush. It's a waste of time in my opinion. This happens to most people from time to time. I just learned when to smell BS much sooner because of my experiences. Good luck.

EDIT: This is what you do: tell her if she decides to want something more with you then you'll be there. With that said, you can leave the ball in her court and move on with your life. Trust me, if she really wants to be with you she'll come to that decision on her own. I mean, hello, she was seeing a dude while you two were close friends! She knows what she wants. This happens to all of us from time to time.


----------



## IcedOver

You should quit obsessing over this girl. For one, she sounds overly emotional. Secondly, she's not even from your country, so you're not going to have some long-term relationship with her. If you had gone straight for pushing for something totally physical, like her original comment about you getting lucky seemed to invite (maybe she didn't mean it that way, but you never know), then maybe you could have gotten a good "friends with benefits" thing going while she was still around. Maybe you could still swing that, but you'd have to move fast. Perhaps leave off the talk about caring for her and all that and just proposition her, lay it out.


----------



## FairleighCalm

Duh-AM! You played that really well. No sarcasm. Very well played. Building trust is what she needs.


----------



## Xeros

I'm glad I found this thread. Definitely relatable and I'm certainly rooting for you.

Although I'm no expert, I'd say there are two maybe three possible things going on. Each with a different outcome.

They are:

1. She truly has some emotional issues that she believes hinders her or will hurt you. She might have felt guilty about leading you on without telling you and now thinks you look at her badly/differently. Reassuring her that you really like her is important here. Giving her attention is the best thing you can do here...if this is what is going on.

2. She's lying or exaggerating for your sake. I don't want to depress you or anything, but she may just have a flirty personality and never really had much of an interest. A lot of girls, at least American girls that I know, will lead on pretty much anyone if it means they get attention. There are some girls that will literally flirt and cuddle up with every guy in a group of friends. Not because she's easy or interested in them, but because she is an attention addict and wants everyone to like her. Which is why she would rather make up or exaggerate things to get out of a possible romance than actually come out and state her feelings. She doesn't wan't to risk the chance that you or anyone might not like her a lot. Being blunt and straightforward is the best here. Call her bluff and make her admit what she's really thinking. You'll either get closure and know it's done, or maybe spin it into something good. Some girls are attracted by a bold, confident guy who just comes out and asks.

3.(less likely) She's utterly confused. She's attracted to you, but she knows she won't be there for long. Maybe she's also feeling weird or conflicted about how it'll be viewed by everyone else she hangs around with. Maybe her ex story is true and she really is scared of liking you too much and then having to leave. If this is the case, you have to decide what you want. Unless something truly amazing and life changing happens between you two, the relationship will be over in a few weeks. Since you already said you'd be open to a short term fling, I'd somehow find a way to tell her that she's too amazing to not be with. It doesn't matter if it's from now until she leaves or the last 5 minutes she's with you, you like her too much to suppress you feelings. 

Say something like that and see what she does. I think it's a pretty good line. I guess I'll let you use it without paying the copyright fee .



It's really hard for me to help you judge where she's at. Not only can we not see her mannerisms, but all we have to go by is your word. Which is, sorry to say, not exactly the most rational and unbiased version of the situation due to your anxiety and over-analyzing. That's not an insult, we all do it. Especially when presented with something potentially great like this.


You're going to have to see if you can tell what is really going on, and hopefully quickly. You may just have to take a risk and guess. You really have nothing to lose at this point. You'll either get the response you want, or you won't. If it is the one you don't want, you should try to be cool about it and say it's all good. The last thing you want is a couple weeks of awkwardness for both you and her.


That's all I got for ya man. Just stop thinking so much and do something. Obviously don't be pushy or weird, but you really need to do something.

She's across the ocean in a foreign land with the new and exciting guy with an accent. That's textbook fantasy stuff right there. Use your foreign charm and go for it.


Or steal her diary and hope your names in it.  Kidding of course.


----------



## Mr Blues

^ Thanks for the extensive advice Xeros.

I am just so confused right now, trying to figure out the best approach..

Also there's another thing she said during our convo that I forgot to mention. She said that other guys (who hurt/took advantage of her) have told her the same things I have.

I'm not sure if that shines more light on the situation or not.

God I am just feeling so miserable and frustrated right now. I actually don't care anymore what I have with her. I just want to be intimate with her one way or another.. and it seems like it's going to be such a challenge to achieve that.


----------



## i just want luv

idk what will happen but I hope you get to see that other scar.


----------



## Mr Blues

Right guys, I still like bkitty1's suggestion. To me it seems like the safest approach to take with her, as I think these words could be taken any way.

I think if I sit her down and tell her the below words (exactly), then I am still not being careless towards her feelings, but at the same time showing her that I am okay having a fling with her.

Is everyone who has given advice as to the recent event in agreement with the below approach?


bkitty1 said:


> try to keep things light. I would just say something like, I understand you probably don't want anything serious right now, but I like you and we have a great time together, let's enjoy each other's company while we can. or something.
> 
> and then...the smooch!


Also if she still starts saying she is 'worried about hurting me' again after I tell her this.. then I'm thinking I should just tell her (in perhaps a nicer way) to stop worrying about my feelings.


----------



## Nessy

I agree  but its all up to you


----------



## layitontheline

Meh, why do you want to have a fling with someone who is apparently very confused, emotional, and afraid of being taken advantage of again? Do you not care how she'll feel after you guys 'mess around' and she returns home single and alone, perhaps feeling like yet another guy just wanted sex from her?

I know she's a grown woman and can make decisions for herself, and I know you're the one who was trying to get something more going between you two in the first place, but still, to fall back on "I'm down for just a fling" may make her feel like that was your intention all along and that you're just another horny guy who is happy to get what he wants even if she goes home feeling empty afterwards.

There's obviously nothing wrong with a fling if both people want it, and if she ends up being into that then please, have fun. From what you've described it doesn't sound like that's what she's looking for though. Just my opinion.


----------



## Mr Blues

layitontheline said:


> Meh, why do you want to have a fling with someone who is apparently very confused, emotional, and afraid of being taken advantage of again? Do you not care how she'll feel after you guys 'mess around' and she returns home single and alone, perhaps feeling like yet another guy just wanted sex from her?
> 
> I know she's a grown woman and can make decisions for herself, and I know you're the one who was trying to get something more going between you two in the first place, but still, to fall back on "I'm down for just a fling" may make her feel like that was your intention all along and that you're just another horny guy who is happy to get what he wants even if she goes home feeling empty afterwards.
> 
> There's obviously nothing wrong with a fling if both people want it, and if she ends up being into that then please, have fun. From what you've described it doesn't sound like that's what she's looking for though. Just my opinion.


Yeah I am honestly as confused as you..

I don't know whether it's a more aggressive man she wants (and if that was her reason for all this), or if she truly does have trust issues and she was being 100% truthful with me..

So I am EXTREMELY frustrated right now. I fear that no matter what approach I decide to take with her when she gets back it is going to be taking a gamble. I just really crave intimacy with her. Perhaps I am being selfish.. I don't know..

I have all these emotions brewing inside me now... Jealousy, fear, sadness.. It's just hard to bear.


----------



## Xeros

What bkitty said is a good idea, but I don't think you should just automatically do it. You have to see how she acts around you first.

Is she still on that trip? If so, her mannerisms around you when she gets back are pretty crucial:

If she avoids you, acts weird, won't look you int he eye, constantly tries to bring someone else into the conversation so she's not alone with you, etc. then she's obviously worried about what you might say or try. Emotionally worried I should say. For this you should just ease her anxiety. Just tell her that she doesn't have to worry about you making any advances or saying romantic things to her. Tell her that a friend is better than nothing. It's unlikely, but she may find that really sweet....

If she doesn't avoid you and seems comfortable/normal around you, go with what bkitty says. Just make sure you clarify what you mean when you say having a great time together. You don't want her thinking that you meant just being friends and then getting shocked when you go in for the kiss.


Just remember man, no matter what happens, you seem to have done a pretty good job. Plenty of guys on this forum (including me sometimes) would have done something stupid and scared the girl off immediately.


----------



## Mr Blues

Xeros said:


> If she doesn't avoid you and seems comfortable/normal around you, go with what bkitty says. *Just make sure you clarify what you mean when you say having a great time together.* You don't want her thinking that you meant just being friends and then getting shocked when you go in for the kiss.


How would I do that, without sounding like a creep though?

And yes, she is still on the trip. She will be back tomorrow.


----------



## Xeros

Mr Blues said:


> How would I do that, without sounding like a creep though?
> 
> And yes, she is still on the trip. She will be back tomorrow.


Yea that is tough. You don't want to come off like a jerk just looking for a couple on night stands, especially considering her earlier confessions.

Maybe flat out ask her what she wants you to do. Or maybe say something about how she shouldn't worried about your feelings in the end and that you should just focus on the next couple of weeks.


----------



## Mr Blues

What if I word it like this; ''I don't see why we can't make the most of our time together, even if it'll be a short term thing''.

That's quite clear in it's meaning don't you think?


----------



## Nessy

Very well put imo!  Go for it and I wish you good luck. Will be away for a week so looking forward to how it goes


----------



## kostyalevin

This is the best thread I've read on SAS. I'm curious to see how it all ends. Good luck, Mr. Blues.


----------



## BKrakow

^ I agree. this is epic. go mr. blues!


----------



## Mr Blues

I dunno.. I'm not feeling very hopeful of there being a good outcome today at all. Got pretty damn depressed and frustrated last night, and could have stayed up all night with ease. I think had I been as horny as I was last night on the night we sat and talked together, I would have kissed her without hesitation.. And that's a horrible feeling to have resting in my mind. I can;t deal with the regret.

And I'm worried that she is going to act as Xeros predicted and avoid me.. And that'll be salt in the wounds for sure..

I will have a good excuse for us to sit together because I just yesterday received the full dvd of one of my gigs (I showed her bits of rough footage already). So I will most likely ask her to watch it with me.. then give her the talk either beforehand or after..


----------



## Mr Blues

Well we actually got on very well today. She arrived back when my family were about to go to a little family gatherng and when asked if she wanted come along (not by me) she said she would.
So I sat next to her in the car and we talked just as we used to. And it wasn't one way conversation either. Also to note her reaction on something.. I mentioned to her that this girl who I had performed at the same venues with in the past had asked me to do some busking with her. After tellig her this she didn't actually comment on it and just kind of went a bit silent. Perhaps this is good? As in that she see's that I have other options?

Anyway I am planning to get her to watch that DVD later durng which I am going to tell her.. "Listen I don't want you to worry about my feelings. I now this is only going to be something short term but any amount of time with you is worthwhile."

Then I am most likely going to try and kiss her. Sound good?


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Mr Blues said:


> "Listen I don't want you to worry about my feelings. I now this is only going to be something short term but any amount of time with you is worthwhile."


Don't tell her not to worry about your feelings. Doesn't sound right. Comes off like "This might destroy me, but don't you worry about it"--it's implying that it's OK for her to lack concern, which is no good. Everything else sounds good, though.


----------



## Mr Blues

Okay Paysage, thanks for your speedy response!

I will leave out that sentence then and just say the rest then. I honestly just want to keep it simple you see. If I go on and on I'd be worried about coming across as overly emotional again. Anyway I'm glad you approve. Anyone else feel free to pitch in.

Actually I have altered it a bit. Here's what I'm going with;
"Listen our time together may well end up being only short term, and I accept that, but any amount of time with you is worthwhile"

Better?


----------



## PaysageDHiver

Mr Blues said:


> Actually I have altered it a bit. Here's what I'm going with;
> "Listen our time together may well end up being only short term, and I accept that, but any amount of time with you is worthwhile"


Nice


----------



## Mr Blues

She sat next to me at dinner. I thought thing seemed great. Asked her if she'd like to watch the DVD after dinner and she says she's got lots of work to do.. So I said for her to let me know when she wants to watch it..

FFS there are constant mixed signals.. Why is this happening to me again!? I really want to tell her what I had planned to say tonight..


----------



## blanksBACK

Reading this thread is intense for me.

I salute you.


----------



## Mr Blues

blanksBACK said:


> Reading this thread is intense for me.
> 
> I salute you.


Haha believe me that intensity you are feeling is quadrupled for me. I don't think I have been in many situations that are more frustrating than this..

:bash


----------



## Fenren

You've really made a meal out of this! The first couple of nights seemed your best shot, but who knows how it would have gone down. I make a meal out of everything though, be in work, dating, having to talk to people ect, SA issues make it 1000x harder than it needs to be. Well it seems that way at times at least. 
By the way my first proper kiss was when I was 21, but I was drunk off my face in a club, without the alcohol nothing would have happened, it was awful really.
I hope things work out as you want anyway.


----------



## Mr Blues

Okay I am getting very frustrated now.. I think I have to just go talk to her tonight..

She is in her room right now. All the other students are watching a movie with the rest of my family, and I am just sitting here in the living room hoping by some miracle she will come down and join me liked she used to do..

We barely said a word to each other at dinner (despite us being seated next to each other)..

I'm now struggling to decide what to do! I have been advised elsewhere that I should give her space and let her come to me... but I don't know if that is the best approach here?? What shall I do?? She is in her room alone now. Will I go up and finally tell her the line I have had prepared?? Or should I leave her be? I need to know where I stand..


----------



## kostyalevin

It's probably too late now, but I say go and spill your guts. Tell her how you've felt since day one. How badly you wanted to simply kiss her - and still do. You can probably even tell her that it would be your first kiss. Just be completely honest. Worst case, you'll feel better about the whole thing and most likely won't see this girl again. Just try it out and see what happens.


----------



## Shygirl427

I agree. I've been following your story since the beginning and now I think this is your "now or never moment". It seems like whatever you guys had is fading away little by little. Now I think if anything you need closure with this girl. Tell her how you feel, all of it. If she rejects you at least you know that it will be one of her regrets and not yours. 

Also, Idk how much time you guys have left together but that should also be a factor In when you decide to spill your guts so that it isnt awkward.


----------



## fatelogic

EDIT: i remeber back in middle school i told a girl i did not know how to french kiss (and i didn't) and she was more than willing to teach me. don't do anything, just let her lead.


----------



## Mr Blues

I appreciate the kind words guys.. I will consider 'spilling my guts out' but from the impression I got from her this morning she still seems to be willing to spend time with me.

She agree to go for a walk with me down by the beach today after she returns from college.. So now I'm trying to decide whether I should just keep things light or actually bring up the topic of our 'relationship' again and risk making her feel uncomfortable..


----------



## Kennnie

so did ya kiss her yet?


----------



## Mr Blues

Kennnie said:


> so did ya kiss her yet?


Lol no man you need to keep up :b

I'm working on it. We've been hanging out less.. so it's becoming harder. I've kissed her on the cheek so far and that's it... :|

I need advice on what to do/say to her on our beach walk today.. It'll be our first time alone together since a few days..


----------



## Revenwyn

Before you lead her on...

1) You said she is an American student who is staying at your parents house. How long will she be staying there? Will there be enough time to properly form a relationship?
2) Will there be any chance that it would become a long distance relationship? Or would you break up with her if it became one? Would you be able to handle not seeing her for long months at a time? Do you have money to visit her? Long distance relationships are hard, and most don't survive it. It takes two people very firmly committed to each other to make it. My husband and I survived a 5 year long distance relationship before we finally were able to get married. 
3) Decide what you are looking for. Are you looking for a long term relationship or a fling? To be honest, most girls do not want to be involved in flings. They may say they want to but deep inside they want to beg you to keep them forever. 

I would strongly advise against kissing her until you have these questions figured out for yourself.


----------



## Mr Blues

Too late. I kissed her tonight 

Finally I got it done and I feel so much better!


----------



## Ape in space

Mr Blues said:


> Too late. I kissed her tonight
> 
> Finally I got it done and I feel so much better!


!!! 

Need more details need more details need more details need more details
Tell me now!


----------



## bsd3355

Mr Blues said:


> Too late. I kissed her tonight
> 
> Finally I got it done and I feel so much better!


Wow! Did you jizz in your pants!!!!?>??

Haha, jk. Good job!


----------



## Godless1

I think you should just show her this thread.

Oh, and more details on how the kiss finally happened please.


----------



## Perfectionist

Was their tongue?

I need to know if there was tongue!


----------



## CowboyBebop

Mr Blues said:


> Too late. I kissed her tonight
> 
> Finally I got it done and I feel so much better!


I just now was able to get to this page after reading the entire thing. You could write a movie out of this haha. Congrats man.


----------



## Mr Blues

Lol okay guys.. some details..

I got her to watch a dvd with me. I spent almost the entire movie psyching myself up, until eventually I just turned to her, leaned over kissed her on the forehead, then slowly went in for the lips. No there was no tongue! It was quite brief, but I went in and gave her a second one too. 

We got on really well right afterwards and continued to watch the movie and talk. I had my arm around her the whole time.

I think it went well overall! Now I'm wondering where things are going to go from here!


----------



## beethoven

We are so proud of you!!! lol


----------



## sean88

I'm rooting for you man!! ^_^


----------



## madsv

Mr Blues said:


> Lol okay guys.. some details..
> 
> I got her to watch a dvd with me. I spent almost the entire movie psyching myself up, until eventually I just turned to her, leaned over kissed her on the forehead, then slowly went in for the lips. No there was no tongue! It was quite brief, but I went in and gave her a second one too.
> 
> We got on really well right afterwards and continued to watch the movie and talk. I had my arm around her the whole time.
> 
> I think it went well overall! Now I'm wondering where things are going to go from here!


Nice move bro.

You did well my young padawan


----------



## Xeros

Make sure you use protection! LOL


Nice job dude. If she actually kissed back and didn't pull away you know right there that she definitely feels something for you. 

Keep it up.


Oh and I take complete credit for this due to my advice.....................kidding of course.


----------



## kostyalevin

Mr Blues said:


> Lol okay guys.. some details..
> 
> I got her to watch a dvd with me. I spent almost the entire movie psyching myself up, until *eventually I just turned to her, leaned over kissed her on the forehead, then slowly went in for the lips. No there was no tongue! It was quite brief, but I went in and gave her a second one too. *
> 
> We got on really well right afterwards and continued to watch the movie and talk. I had my arm around her the whole time.
> 
> I think it went well overall! Now I'm wondering where things are going to go from here!


Piiiiiiiiiimp! Way to go my man.



CowboyBebop said:


> I just now was able to get to this page after reading the entire thing. *You could write a movie out of this haha. Congrats man*.


I totally agree. Or maybe a reality tv show.


----------



## Paragon

Awesome. Nice one


----------



## i just want luv

:hb dont forget to blow the candles out


----------



## WalkingDisaster

Mr Blues said:


> Too late. I kissed her tonight
> 
> Finally I got it done and I feel so much better!


*Entire website breathes a collective sigh of relief*


----------



## stats girl

Woo hoo! Honestly I didn't think it was gonna happen but am so glad u made the move. Reckon u should have kissed her more than once though. But well done smooth moves man!


----------



## Kennnie

:blankim so emotional right now!!!:blank:blank


----------



## Mr Blues

stats girl said:


> Woo hoo! Honestly I didn't think it was gonna happen but am so glad u made the move. Reckon u should have kissed her more than once though. But well done smooth moves man!


Lol I did in fact kiss her more than once! I moved back in and give her a second one, which I failed to mention it seems 

And thanks all! I don't I would ever have managed to muster up the courage to do this without your support and encouragement!

Anyway I probably won't see her at all today. Will be out till late tonight but I guess that's good! I want her to miss me!


----------



## stats girl

Yeah it's never good to be too available. Keep her wanting more  well done once again on your first and second of many kisses to come


----------



## BKrakow

:banana


----------



## dp88

I've been following your thread from the very beginning. Just wanted to say congrats! :boogie :clap 

I'm glad you've summed up enough courage to finally kiss her. Here's to many more! *raises glass*


----------



## deelishuss

just finished the thread. wow, you are awesome! congrats!


----------



## sas111

Mr Blues said:


> Lol I did in fact kiss her more than once! I moved back in and give her a second one, which I failed to mention it seems
> 
> And thanks all! I don't I would ever have managed to muster up the courage to do this without your support and encouragement!
> 
> Anyway I probably won't see her at all today. Will be out till late tonight but I guess that's good! I want her to miss me!


Congrats!


----------



## Mr Blues

^ thank you folks! I will keep you updated as to my progress with her.

Question.. (and probably a stupid one) but am I supposed to be making sure I kiss her everyday, or rather every time I am with her?

She waited up for me last night (it was obvious). And when I got in and went down to her she immediately made some excuse as to why she was up that late, without me asking about it lol. I thought that was cute 

Anyway I didn't kiss her then. It was kind of hard cause she was on her laptop messing around so we just sat and talked for about an hour.

One thing I wish I had not said was ''Have a good day tomorrow, _I'll see you when you get back'_'.. I said that when she was going to bed. It may be my over-analyzing again.. but oh man to me I thought that made me sound like I have too much free time and gave a slight clingy vibe. Did it, do you think??

That has been my number one concern with this girl. And that is that my almost complete lack of a social life is going to become known to her and turn her off.


----------



## purplefruit

Ohhhhh yeah :yay Go you! :mushy Candidate for best SAS thread ever! (well since I've been here, lol)

I think if you guys are an "item" then you should kiss her whenever you see her :stu I don't know about the clingy vibe...you sound really sweet..


----------



## hickorysmoked

Congrats on this man! Very happy for you. Make sure not to over analyze things and just go with what feels natural. Good luck!


----------



## stats girl

You will be fine don't stress. She kissed u back she likes you. dont doubt yourself. Focus on the reasons why she would like u not why she wouldn't. U seem like a really sweet nice guy im sure she thinks so too. You can kiss her when ever your with her now. She won't reject u if she wanted to she would have already. Think positive and everything will be good


----------



## tutliputli

Aww, this is so fecking adorable! Congrats! :yay


----------



## Nessy

Way to go!


----------



## Kennnie

Me so Jealous (Green)


----------



## Mr Blues

^ Don't be.. I'm starting to believe what this girl told me before about her being 'messed up'..

Last night when I tried to initiate something, we ended up in basically the same ''I don't want to hurt you'' convo again.. I mean what the hell!??

I put to her the fact that she did not reject my kiss(es) the other night.. She said that I 'caught her by surprise'.. Well I thought that was a silly excuse because I of course gave her a second one, which she also did not reject.. And I moved in VERY slow too.

Oh and I also found out that it was actually only 2 months ago that she broke up with her fiance.. not 6 months, as I had previously thought. So I guess this could have something to do with it all..

She also told me she was attracted to me at the beginning, but as she got to know me she sees us as 'kindred spirits'.. whatever the **** that means..

Anyway I once again refused to let myself be classed as a friend and we ended up saying we'd continue the convo another time as it was late......

Bollox to it all.


----------



## Kennnie

God that sucked!!!
she also just broke up with her fiance 2 months ago.....
hmmm...........:|


----------



## Nessy

After all you've been through I'm sorry to say it but I'd move on if I were you. You've gained an experience but she seems way to hot and cold to be worth investing more time in.


----------



## layitontheline

When a girl admits that she is messed up, confused, emotional, etc... she usually isn't lying. Whether she broke up 6 months ago or 2, it sounds pretty clear that she isn't ready for anything right now. I'm not sure what you are expecting at this point.


----------



## Mr Blues

As stated a few pages back, she was quite happy to make out with a random guy a couple weekends ago. So the fact that she doesn't seem to want to do that with me offends me and hurts to the extreme.

So naturally I am finding it hard to trust everything she has told me.


----------



## Xeros

Just in case she really does have problems, you should at the very least leave a door open for her. By that I mean let her know that it's ok to not want to have anything with you.

Say something like. "If you don't want to do this we can just pretend like the kiss never happened and just be friends. I'll completely understand why you would feel that way and wouldn't want you to do anything you don't want to."

If she tells you that is what she wants, there you go. At least you got to kiss her, that's more than a lot of people can say about girls they like.

Then there's the possibility that she still does want to be with you for the rest of the time, but is just having other problems. That I can't help you with.


But definitely give her an out. If you really do like and respect her as much as you say you do, you'll want to do whatever you can to ease any fear or anxiety she might have about the relationship. I'd say you owe her that much since she hung out with you in spite of her "problems". 

....and if nothing else there is always 100% honesty. Tell her everything, how you feel, how you think she feels, your worries, you worries about her worries, your anxiety, your favorite color of original crayola crayons, and the rest of the important stuff.

That's a bit extreme and has a huge risk to reward ratio. You may scare her off by sharing that much, or you may make her like you ten times more. Like I said, it's risky, but sometimes it's the way to go, but only if you're 100% honest. Faking honesty is never the best thing to do.


----------



## Mr Blues

I think she's seeing someone else. I think that is the reason for this sudden rejection...

She came in just about half an hour ago, and felt the need to mention to me that she was waiting around for half an hour and nobody (her friends) showed up... Early she told me she was going out to meet her friends.

However she was dressed nice and seemed to be in a rush to get into the bathroom to brush her teeth before she left..........

Also she was out at least 2 hrs so her waiting only 'half an hours' for her 'friends' doesn't add up......

I ****ing drunk right now. That was a necessity as I can't bare these overwhelming feelings of anger/jealousy.. the whole ****ing shabang. 

What the **** is going on I feel like dirt right now. I'm convinced I'm being lied to. I am at the lowest point i can possibly reach right now it's almost like I need to kill myself to get a release. I want to just grab this bottle and go out into the street and collapse somewhere. I just cant take eing in this house


----------



## kostyalevin

Bro, you gotta keep your composure. Easy on the alcohol. And be careful not to get attached to this girl since 1. she's leaving soon, 2. she has issues, 3. "kindred spirits" wtf??, 4. getting too attached to a girl who lives far away blows

Tell her she's right and that you guys shouldn't kiss for the rest of the time she's here. One of two things will happen: 1. You won't kiss or hang out as much for the rest of her trip and this will make it easier on you to let go later on, 2. She'll second guess herself and will want to kiss you again (that's up to you obvi)

Also, read the quote in my signature - it's appropriate. GL.
-KL


----------



## anomalous

layitontheline said:


> When a girl admits that she is messed up, confused, emotional, etc... she usually isn't lying. Whether she broke up 6 months ago or 2, it sounds pretty clear that she isn't ready for anything right now. I'm not sure what you are expecting at this point.


I think it's pretty obvious that she's just making excuses for her losing attraction to him. She friend-zoned him, plain and simple. "Kindred spirits?" lol. I bet her "confusion" and "messed up"-ness won't stop her from banging some frat boy when she's out at the club this weekend. Gimme a break.

Mr Blues: I'm really sorry, dude. You don't deserve this, but I can't say it's particularly surprising. Probably best to find someone less experienced and attention-starved anyway.


----------



## UltraShy

I suggest you relax. Yeah, I know that advice is basically useless, having heard such advice so many times myself on all sorts of issues.

I was 21 the first time I kissed anyone, and I must say that I did a pretty good job of it. That's not bragging, that's simply an indication of how easy it actually is. If I, the lord of social awkwardness can manage to pull off kissing, I'd tend to think pretty much anybody could figure it out.

Just think: "If UltraShy can do it, I can too!" Kissing is one of the rare social interactions I feel confident I can do reasonably well. Finding a girl & getting to know her such that she'd want to kiss me, well, now that's the hard part. You've already done the hard part, so now you get to move on to the easy and vastly more fun part. Enjoy!


----------



## 266x

Honestly, this is the type of situation where you..









Don't get yourself all messed up over one girl.


----------



## heroin

Cut contact. Find someone else. Being a "kindred spirit" is demeaning.

The unicorn has bolted.

Yeah I compared a woman to a mythical beast. No, I don't care what you think.


----------



## sas111

Mr Blues said:


> I think she's seeing someone else. I think that is the reason for this sudden rejection...
> 
> She came in just about half an hour ago, and felt the need to mention to me that she was waiting around for half an hour and nobody (her friends) showed up... Early she told me she was going out to meet her friends.
> 
> However she was dressed nice and seemed to be in a rush to get into the bathroom to brush her teeth before she left..........
> 
> Also she was out at least 2 hrs so her waiting only 'half an hours' for her 'friends' doesn't add up......
> 
> I ****ing drunk right now. That was a necessity as I can't bare these overwhelming feelings of anger/jealousy.. the whole ****ing shabang.
> 
> What the **** is going on I feel like dirt right now. I'm convinced I'm being lied to. I am at the lowest point i can possibly reach right now it's almost like I need to kill myself to get a release. I want to just grab this bottle and go out into the street and collapse somewhere. I just cant take eing in this house


 Awweh...please don't do that, maybe you should just sleep on it & have a fresh start tommorow. How were things supposed to work out anyways if she lives in the states? You've gained experience from her & now you can show it off to the next girl who will be happy to have you.


----------



## Perfectionist

I am sorry this happened

As others have said, you've gained an experience, but if you don't want to be friend-zoneded this might be the time to distance yourself, because it sounds like this is what is going to happen. "Kinded spirits" is a definitely friend-zone indicator.

:hug



heroin said:


> The unicorn has bolted.
> 
> Yeah I compared a woman to a mythical beast. No, I don't care what you think.


PS this totally made me chuckle.


----------



## stats girl

Well that sucks I reckon it's time to move on. She sees you as a friend. I know its **** but sometimes people kiss people back to spare there feelings so they don't feel rejected. Also she will be leaving soon so it would be better to move on now rather than later.


----------



## Xeros

As others have said, forget about her. To me she seems a bit mean and seems to seek attention, so if I was in your shoes, I would somewhat ignore her and act like I don't care about what she does. Her attitude doesn't need to be rewarded.

Maybe I'm wrong and there's something else going on though, but it certainly sounds like this girl is one of those who leads everyone on. Not your fault at all.


----------



## rissabae

*my S.A.D *

I absolutely hate having social anxiety.! It really effects my life even though I try my hardest to fight it.! Ughhh... I wish there was something that would fix it.


----------



## 266x

Been a while since he replied, hope you haven't hurt yourself Mr. Blues. People come and go, you'll find better ones man.


----------



## bsd3355

It's a learning experience; one that makes you that much more knowledgeable.


----------



## Mr Blues

I haven't hurt myself yet, bar some alcohol poisoning.

My suspicions were correct. She is seeing someone else.. He came to the door monday night to pick her up. I overheard her say to another family member that she would be gone for the whole night, so she definitely slept with him as she didn't arrive back till morning.

I also know for a fact that she's only known this guy since saturday night...... Yet went off to **** him barely two days later. Unreal..

And what hurts more is the possibility that she may still be seeing him, which would mean it wasn't even a one night stand she was after (meaning she essentially lied to me before about not being ready for a relationship).

Anyway I went out got totally wasted that night. Luckily I had already previously arranged to hit the pub that night with a friend anyway. So that helped tons but I woke up the next day feeling 10 times worse about the situation.

My confidence is rock bottom. Went from being on top of the world.... to barely being able to step out the door again.

I have been ignoring this girl since the weekend. And I will continue to do so until she gets the **** out of my house and my life so I can at least attempt to heal.


----------



## leave me alone

Oh man, i was folliwing this thread since the page one and this is not the conclusion i would expect. I cant believe she would do that to you. Well, atleast you know you are much better off without her.


----------



## bsd3355

Mr. Blues, I'm sorry this happened to you. Next time you get these vibes from a girl you need to drop her. I told yo u she wasn't interested. Best to pick up the clues early on before you get an obsession of her. I'm not trying to be insensitive but the clues were there from the beginning. You allowed yourself to become attached to someone who had no intentions at all. While this is a down period for you, you are ultimately a better person because you can learn from this experience. I wish you the best and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your just being too hard on yourself. Don't give up bro. It is one girl out of millions. GL.


----------



## bsd3355

leave me alone said:


> Oh man, i was folliwing this thread since the page one and this is not the conclusion i would expect. I cant believe she would do that to you. Well, atleast you know you are much better off without her.


You can't believe she would do that to him? She wasn't interested in the beginning and was already dating another man. What do you expect?


----------



## Paragon

Ah man, that sucks  Some girls are like that though... they really like attention, even if they aren't interested. I've been through that too, it's a learning experience.


----------



## leave me alone

bwidger85 said:


> You can't believe she would do that to him? She wasn't interested in the beginning and was already dating another man. What do you expect?


Lie to him and kind of lead him on. But i guess thats how people are nowdays, my bad for being naive.


----------



## anomalous

leave me alone said:


> I cant believe she would do that to you.


I can.

He's dealing with an acute case of "typical, average twenty-something girl"itus.


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## Rixy

I'm sorry this happened to you. From what I've read, you seem like a good guy and deserve someone better. Cut contact with her, it'll be for the better.


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## ThisGuy

I'm very sorry to hear the latest news. 

This is how many attractive girls are, so we've gotta get used to it. Better yet, find a solution. That's what I'm doing.

You either way, you faced your fears, and made some good progress with your experience with women despite it not ending the way you hoped. I hope the girl leaves soon so you can begin to heal.


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## 266x

joinmartin said:


> Sorry, but what does her being "attractive" have to do with any of this?


I think he means that a lot of girls that are attractive and know that fact, use it to their advantage and string people along and play with their emotions. They know that they have options.


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## Mr Blues

joinmartin said:


> I'll admit that I haven't read all of this but from what I have read, she did cause confusion and engaged in behaviour that expressed interest.


Yeah I know, that is certainly the overall vibe I was getting from her throughout our time together..

I'm the only one who was ''on the ground'' of course and I was starting to think I was psychotic or something and as though I just made up that quote in the OP.. which I did not of course. She really said that (my memory is not that bad, that I'd forget the specifics the following day..)

So I never expected people to start telling me they don't think she was ever interested in me.

Are there really girls out there who would tolerate a guy putting his arm around them, stroking their skin, playing with their hair and even kissing them multiple times if they did not find the guy attractive??

Also I have noticed this girl has kind of done a 180 during the past week or two. When she first arrived I got a strong impression of a very shy/introverted person. And I guess that is also part of the reason why I was so cautious going in for a kiss (as well as being nervous myself).
However now she's been going out bar hopping/clubbing etc.. every chance she gets. I mean wth??

And she has also begun talking with me again by the way... I did not expect that as I had practically been ignoring her and staying out of her way. It's not helping me heal though and I;d rather she leave me alone.


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## Shygirl427

Mr blues maybe you should tell her that you need your space right now. She has already done her damage now it's time that you be a little selfish and give yourself some time to heal. And I think you will get through this with more time. Remember: Experiences make a person. You live and you learn


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## Paragon

Mr Blues said:


> Are there really girls out there who would tolerate a guy putting his arm around them, stroking their skin, playing with their hair and even kissing them multiple times if they did not find the guy attractive??


Maybe she was interested but you weren't aggressive enough and she lost interest? Maybe she was pursuing multiple options and so kept expressing interest until she decided to choose another guy? Maybe she liked the attention, so didn't want to stop it, but didn't want it to go any further either? It could be a lot of things i guess.

Hope you have better luck soon though, you seem like a decent guy.

Girls just suck. Down with girls! lol (i kid)


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## ThisGuy

joinmartin said:


> Sorry, but what does her being "attractive" have to do with any of this?


It wasn't directly related, but I'm sure you can understand that her attractiveness had something to do with how things ended up.

Let's put it this way. The prettier a girl is, the more options she has (i.e. has the potential to meet/get approached by a ton of guys), the easier is it for her to move on from one guy to another. When a girl like this gets tired or bored, she can move on whenever she pleases. That's just the way it is. And surely there are exceptions, but this is the case *most* of the time. Would you agree?

From the sound of the OP's story, it seemed like she was trying to protect his feelings by telling him that she "didn't want to hurt him", or that she "just got out of a relationship", or that she had "problems". I'd be willing to bet she's done this to other guys before. Basically, she's told him that she might be seeing other guys as things between them didn't seem to be working out (i.e. "I don't want to hurt your feelings if/when I find another guy"). And she was actually being nice about it; never throughout the tale did I ever notice her really lead him on. Thing is, that's really not what you'd like to hear if you're a/the guy pursuing her. She was being compliant and cooperative, and friendly to him for the most part, but she was only very flirty and clearly interested in the beginning. Then again I wasn't there, so I can't say exactly.



266x said:


> I think he means that a lot of girls that are attractive and know that fact, use it to their advantage and string people along and play with their emotions. *They know that they have options.*


Bold statement is spot on.

Imho, she was trying NOT to hurt his feelings. In the end, a rejection will be a rejection, and will almost always be hurtful at first. She was being wishy-washy and "cautious" with her words because she didn't want to be the one giving the ultimatum. I don't think she was trying to play with OP's emotions, but she ended up doing just that.

OP (I hope my advice has been reasonable lol), at this point, if I were you I'd talk to her on your own terms. If you don't want to talk and she keeps nagging you, tell her that you need your space and would not care to talk. Be straightforward and honest with her if that's at all possible.


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## heroin

Mr Blues said:


> And she has also begun talking with me again by the way... I did not expect that as I had practically been ignoring her and staying out of her way. It's not helping me heal though and I;d rather she leave me alone.


Be cold. Give weak smiles to her jokes instead of expressing any genuine amusement (nothing kills warmth more than a forced, awkward smile), use short answers like 'yeah' and 'okay' and to any questions, 'I dunno'. Excuse yourself after a couple or 5 mins. Stuff like that. No need to outright 'tell' her anything.

They usually get the hint quickly.

I am a champ at alienating people, so I know what I am talking about.


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## 266x

heroin said:


> Be cold. Give weak smiles to her jokes instead of expressing any genuine amusement (nothing kills warmth more than a forced, awkward smile), use short answers like 'yeah' and 'okay' and to any questions, 'I dunno'. Excuse yourself after a couple or 5 mins. Stuff like that. No need to outright 'tell' her anything.
> 
> They usually get the hint quickly.
> 
> I am a champ at alienating people, so I know what I am talking about.


Well yeah, but that's part of the reason why we're all here, because we socialize this way and see that as normal. I'd say be friendly, but don't be too friendly too her, and don't invite her to things anymore. I mean, is she that hard to get out of your head? No other girls that live around there? Seems like you have some charm, so work it on some more ladies!


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## ThisGuy

heroin said:


> Be cold. Give weak smiles to her jokes instead of expressing any genuine amusement (nothing kills warmth more than a forced, awkward smile), use short answers like 'yeah' and 'okay' and to any questions, 'I dunno'. Excuse yourself after a couple or 5 mins. Stuff like that. No need to outright 'tell' her anything.
> 
> They usually get the hint quickly.
> 
> I am a champ at alienating people, so I know what I am talking about.


Agreed. I was sorta thinking out loud in my head, ha. Had I been in this scenario I'd do just that. Not giving any eye contact always helps too.


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## Mr Blues

It's like a reflex for me to say hi to her if I come across her in the house unexpectedly.. which is what happened this morning. I greeted her in a really 'friendly' fashion too, which did not represent how I was feeling, so I am pretty irritated at myself now. Had a smile on me from ear to ear for fecks sake..

Sometimes that's just how I come across if I am taken by surprise, regardless of how I'm truly feeling toward the person... Damnit...


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## sighsigh

The extroverted and the introverted just do not mix. It seems we don't share the same gestures, expressions, and attitudes. In my own personal experience, I've always had question marks when dealing with an extroverted girl. But with an introvert, I can usually understand what her intentions are.


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## Mr Blues

Heh get this brain rattler...

Last night, while we were all having dinner, I excused myself and said I had to go get ready before I leave (I was meeting a friend down at a bar). Well immediately the girl says ''where are you going?''..

I hadn't talked to her at all at the table (or that day for that matter), so was a bit surprised by this. Nonetheless I told her and said she is welcome to join us. So she came along... and hung with us till the a.m... We had more than a few rounds.... and ended up running up the pier. Long night.

Why do you think she suddenly became interested in what I am doing again?

I avoided her this morning (did not go down for breakfast), and she has gone out now. So really I don't know how to react now. I enjoyed her company last night but at the same time I don't want to torture myself...


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## ForeverStallone

Late to the thread but I think I know where she lost attraction for you.

On page 3, when you watched the movies the first time. In my opinion she wanted you to make a move on her that night. She even suggested you watch a second movie even though she was tired. It was to give you more time to do something, to take what you wanted. Guys who know what they're doing in this department usually know that if you 'hang out' or 'watch a movie' with a girl it usually means he's going to be making moves and honestly the girl knows this as well. My friend does this all the time and always ends up at least making out. She knew what you wanted, she wanted it too but because you were nervous and scared of making a move it probably turned her off or maybe she thought you gave her mixed signals but I think it was the former.

I think she gave you another chance when you went out for drinks but then the both of you got too emotional and she could tell you were getting attached so that's why she didn't want to hurt you and friend zoned you. It had nothing to do with her engagement as you can tell by her meeting this guy and staying over his place. She put you in the nice guy/bf/provider category.

She wanted a fling, shes only there for a short period of time and wanted to be banged to put it crudely. She wanted an adventure. 

As for you last post, I dunno why she wanted to tag along all of a sudden. It might come to me later. What was the vibe like? Flirty or just fun/friendly? Did she mention this other guy at all?

Sorry it turned out like this dude, you seem like a top bloke but like myself and a lot of other guys here you need to be more aggressive, bold and less analytical. I know easier said than done, believe me I know.


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## Mr Blues

ForeverStallone said:


> Late to the thread but I think I know where she lost attraction for you.
> 
> On page 3, when you watched the movies the first time. In my opinion she wanted you to make a move on her that night. She even suggested you watch a second movie even though she was tired. It was to give you more time to do something, to take what you wanted. Guys who know what they're doing in this department usually know that if you 'hang out' or 'watch a movie' with a girl it usually means he's going to be making moves and honestly the girl knows this as well. My friend does this all the time and always ends up at least making out. She knew what you wanted, she wanted it too but because you were nervous and scared of making a move it probably turned her off or maybe she thought you gave her mixed signals but I think it was the former.
> 
> I think she gave you another chance when you went out for drinks but then the both of you got too emotional and she could tell you were getting attached so that's why she didn't want to hurt you and friend zoned you. It had nothing to do with her engagement as you can tell by her meeting this guy and staying over his place. She put you in the nice guy/bf/provider category.
> 
> She wanted a fling, shes only there for a short period of time and wanted to be banged to put it crudely. She wanted an adventure.
> 
> As for you last post, I dunno why she wanted to tag along all of a sudden. It might come to me later. What was the vibe like? Flirty or just fun/friendly? Did she mention this other guy at all?
> 
> Sorry it turned out like this dude, you seem like a top bloke but like myself and a lot of other guys here you need to be more aggressive, bold and less analytical. I know easier said than done, believe me I know.


That certainly makes sense alright.

And the mood last night was basically just fun/friendly I would guess. Hard to say.

And no, she never mentioned that other guy to me. Why do you ask?


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## Nessy

I'm sad to say this but she probably just wants more attention. Dont ask her to tag along and stay away from her, she will just play with your feelings for her own gain.


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## River In The Mountain

She really sounds like she just wants attention/ fun. You have treated her really nicely, and she seems to take advantage of that. Maybe let her know that she cant just pick up and drop whenever she likes. Its pretty unfair.


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## Mr Blues

Unfortunately I think that, no matter what I do now, the fact is.... I have become very attached to this girl and developed feelings for her..

Maybe what she said about not wanting to hurt me was truly how she felt, and was not a lie... Perhaps she does have my feelings in mind.. Or at least I'd like hope that is the case..

I wonder this because of these little peaks in her interest toward my social life/what I am doing.. Like for example the other night when I said I was going out and she questioned me on what I was doing..

When I add things up it makes me wonder if she truly is holding back to avoid hurting me... I don't know.. The whole thing is so complicated.


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## BKrakow

Hello22 said:


> I'm only speaking out of experience, but she sounds very much like my ex - sneaky, liary yet loved to nose in on my social life, cos god forbid would i find someone who respected me and treated me well.


damn, did we date the same guy? 

anyway, mr. blues, this is my advice: write an amazing blues tune about this experience, then forget about her and find another chick to court. you're obviously a caring, sensitive guy--and on top of it, you're a musician and most likely have an adorable irish accent. I know SA makes it difficult, but there are literally millions of women who would probably go crazy over you.


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## WalkingDisaster

bkitty1 said:


> damn, did we date the same guy?
> 
> anyway, mr. blues, this is my advice: write an amazing blues tune about this experience, then forget about her and find another chick to court. you're obviously a caring, sensitive guy--and on top of it, you're a musician and most likely have an adorable irish accent. I know SA makes it difficult, but there are literally millions of women who would probably go crazy over you.


This. Once you've written an awesome song or two about the experience, play it at a few bars or whatever and women will be all over you.


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