# Anyone feel guilty about not being able to show affection with family?



## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

I don't know why, but I've been thinking a lot about how I find hugging or really any physical contact with another person very difficult. This includes things like hugging family members. I can't seem to initiate hugs with family or anything like that. However, I don't pull away if they do it. I've been feeling guilty about that for some reason lately. Anyone else in the same boat!


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## Damon (Oct 27, 2015)

no I don't feel badly about it at all.


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## binckie (Dec 4, 2015)

NoDak81 said:


> I don't know why, but I've been thinking a lot about how I find hugging or really any physical contact with another person very difficult. This includes things like hugging family members. I can't seem to initiate hugs with family or anything like that. However, I don't pull away if they do it. I've been feeling guilty about that for some reason lately. Anyone else in the same boat!


 I never hug... Actually this already started at a young age, never liked to be hugged or get touched. I guess I am not that physical.

I just do not like it.


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## NuthinSimple (Jul 5, 2015)

Yeah, it sucks... I think I subconsciously see it as a form of submission, that's why.


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## pinkkawaii (Oct 23, 2015)

You shouldn't feel guilty about it, not everyone is a touchy feely type of person. Holding hands is the worst for me! My hands get so sweaty. For Thanksgiving and Christmas, my family likes to hold hands during grace and the whole time I'm just wishing they'd hurry up. And in acting class we had a play where we had to hold hands and the guy who's hand I held asked why my hand was wet lol


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Well I grew up in a non affectionate family, so I never really learned how to hug or anything.


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## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

Actually, i'm the one in the family who starts most hugs i think. But it's always in an ironic way. Like, to annoy my mom. I hold on a bit too tight and you know, plays it off as a joke and she's the one who pulls away. I cant do serious hugs. And i dont think my mom really likes hugs. We mostly just hug on birthdays i guess.

And with emotional affection, hell no i dont do that either. I have to turn everything like that into joke. I do feel a bit guilty about it.


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## RandomGentleman (Aug 4, 2014)

We don't get along, I really don't care. I'll probably just end up permanently distancing myself from them in a few years anyway.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

I guess I'm the odd one for feeling guilty...


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I got 4 brothers. It's never gonna happen. We talk **** to each other every day.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> Well I grew up in a non affectionate family, so I never really learned how to hug or anything.


I remember hugs frequently as a child. Once I was about 11 or so I don't remember wanting them, but I don't remember the family being that touchy freely. For some reason that has changed and they are more so now.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

I have difficulties giving my mother a hug, let alone show her that I love her, despite how good of a mother she has been to me, despite me being such trash.


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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

Tell me about it. The worst is when you have outgoing siblings so it makes it more noticeable.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

JD91 said:


> Tell me about it. The worst is when you have outgoing siblings so it makes it more noticeable.


My entire immediate family and most extended family are outgoing.


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## Telliblah (Sep 19, 2015)

Difficult.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

It depends on the culture. But with my family and just about all of my extended family, from what i've seen, hugging is a very rare phenomenon among family members. I do hug a feel friends here and there though back then when we were closer. 

Only times I've really seen hugging and affectionate greeting among family are some typical western families.

With us, I think it's more about politeness and manners without the affectionate unnecessary formalities.


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## hevydevy (Oct 27, 2015)

I don't have a problem hugging my younger siblings (4 and 2) but I've always had a problem hugging people older than me. I don't know what it is, but I'm positive I've initiated less than a dozen hugs in my lifetime.


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## Empress_D (Jan 18, 2009)

My family and friends who know me well, know that I'm not into hugging or showing affection and they respect my space so I have nothing to feel guilty about. However, if someone I don't know well wants to hug me to say hi or goodbye, I'll hug them back just because it's the polite thing to do


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

I survived the Christmas party tonight with some touchy feely relatives. It's weird how I'm so polar opposite from my family in that respect.


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## Italia (May 2, 2014)

Yes I actually do have the same thing with my boyfriend. We fight a lot cuz of that but now I'm really working on it because I really love him and I don't want to lose him. You might just be those type of people who can't show affection but that doesn't mean you don't love them or anything. That's just who you are.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

Italia said:


> Yes I actually do have the same thing with my boyfriend. We fight a lot cuz of that but now I'm really working on it because I really love him and I don't want to lose him. You might just be those type of people who can't show affection but that doesn't mean you don't love them or anything. That's just who you are.


I did the eharmony thing a while back and one of the questions on there dealt with how affectionate you are. Needless to say I had many people stop communicating with me after that one. I also had one who I communicated with who seemed to have a huge need for that, so needless to say we never actually dated. Yes, it can make dating tough.


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

For me it depends on who is doing the hugging. My mom, my nieces/nephew, and at times, my sister, I feel good when they hug me. My dad, I guess there are just so many issues I have with him that when he hugs me it feels forced. My brother (I care about him and all but I rarely ever hear from him), I feel nothing. 

Cousins and most of my aunts & uncles, I feel nothing when I hug them. It makes me feel like hugs are kind of pointless even though I know they're not. There are studies that apparently equate lots of hugs with happiness. Apparently people are supposed to get 5 hugs a day. I might get two a month... so maybe that's why it's so different for me? Relatives getting tons of hugs and it's like they don't actually care anymore. I've picked up on that and it makes me feel like they don't actually care.

At least, these are things I've noticed.


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## AlyssiaStras (Feb 5, 2012)

YES!!! I totally do but mainly with my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa. I feel awkward and it feels forced and unnatural for me. I am different around people that I know outside family members though. Its easier to be more friendly and affectionate toward people I dont know as well.


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

I don't like people touching me ;-; That being said if someone hugs me I'll hug them back but usually I'm super duper awkward lol. I started working in a place run by europeans and everyone's doing the cheek kiss thing and it freaks me the fuuuuuuck out having to make that smooching smacking sound and touching faces with people omfg T___T


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

dreamloss said:


> I don't like people touching me ;-; That being said if someone hugs me I'll hug them back but usually I'm super duper awkward lol. I started working in a place run by europeans and everyone's doing the cheek kiss thing and it freaks me the fuuuuuuck out having to make that smooching smacking sound and touching faces with people omfg T___T


:O:O:O


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## mkarina (Jan 3, 2016)

I've been told I'm mean bc I don't like hugging people. Especially my brother or any other family members. I just find it kinda weird idk I'm okay with it but I'm not a big fan of hugging. maybe it is the anxiety I just don't like ppl touching me


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

I couldn't care less about any of my family members. There's a language barrier and we don't even eat lunch or dinner together so there's no time for us to bond with one another. All my parents do is argue over the littlest things. Just yesterday my dad was doing a job interview on Skype, I asked my mom what we were eating and then my older brother screamed that he didn't want to eat that for lunch and both of them were arguing so then my dad, while doing his interview, shouted to "shut the **** up". So basically that interview didn't end well. 

My dad immediately yells at my mom afterwards and basically argues with her the whole day about this. My mom then proceeds to tell me that it was my fault my dad didn't get the job (after my dad left to go somewhere) when I wasn't even the one ****ing yelling and it's my dad's own damn fault. I didn't even know my dad was doing the interview in the first place since my mom was talking so loud. Dumb **** like this happens all the time in my household, and we've been given warnings by the police all the time in which they've done absolutely nothing about anything. 

Okay enough ranting and actually responding to the OP's question. I never give hugs to my dad or brother. If dad gives me a hug on my birthday or something I don't hug back and just push him away. I don't remember the last time I hugged my brother and I never will. I used to give my mom hugs literally every day but then puberty hit and I became a major cold-hearted *****. I don't feel bad about it but I do sympathize with myself because I don't know why I was given birth to a dysfunctional, abusive family that I've never loved in my life.


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## Xenagos (Mar 27, 2013)

No, but I would love to be able to. It's just weird trying to be all affectionate to them now. I love them and all, but yeah I don't get all touchy with them.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

lemon wedge said:


> No, but I would love to be able to. It's just weird trying to be all affectionate to them now. I love them and all, but yeah I don't get all touchy with them.


It's weird how my family hugs so much now. They went through a phase of not doing it but it did happen when we were kids. Now I find it nearly impossible to initiate hugs.


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## AlaskanParadise (Jul 15, 2012)

I've always hated hugging but it didn't bother me until my teen daughter pointed it out to me.


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