# Why do I feel everybody hates me?



## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

I dont know what this is, or even if it is "something" but here goes, so when I'm at home I feel like I'm always being watched, like something is always wrong with me and passing through windows I feel paranoid. Even with really thick curtains I assume my neighbors next door can see me through them. There is no part of my house I feel okay except probably the hallway which has no windows. I can't begin to hear people outside my house start talking cause I get scared they'll talk about how weird I am for never leaving my house, how i haven't done anything with my life, what a loser I am and such never anything positive always negative. Even though it might not be true I just don't wish to hear the conversation cause the littlest word that might have something to do with me my thoughts go into a frenzy of like conspiracy theories againest me. Whenever I am out my house, I can't stop but assume I'm such a freak or weirdo that they hate me, probably laughing at me and etc.
It sucks being super anxious all the time, and assuming everyone is plotting against me I wish I had a positive outlook but I just feel like I'm abnormal, weird and I will never be good enough not even for me


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## lonely metalhead (Apr 22, 2011)

Yeah feel that way sometimes but maybe not as bad I am always wondering what people are saying about me even if its not about me but then I get so lost in my head I forget about it temporarily but something times it feels like your public enemy number one anxiety is complete pain in the *** always messing with your mind I know I'm screwed up but I should not feel like the biggest outcast on the planet yet I do


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## LostProphet (Apr 4, 2010)

Sorry that you feel that way  I know what it's like too. Just know that all those thoughts you're having are very likely to be false. I know it can be hard to believe, but try to keep reassuring yourself. Forcing your internal dialogue to be positive sounds lame but it can help. Hope you feel better :squeeze


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Did you have a bad relationship with your parents? Maybe childhood stuff is still floating around your head.


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## running n circles (Apr 29, 2011)

I don't feel like that when the curtains are closed but I'm always prompt to close them if someone passes. I don't think I have it as serve as you or maybe I do...I don't really know. I can't be in a place if people are speaking low or whispering to each other because I feel they are talking about me. It gets me really flustered and like you, sends me off into a world of reasons why I suck. It's really terrible because I do the same with my family too. It's been such a problem for me that I brought it up to my dad and he reassured me that it wasn't case and I know it's not but in that moment the whole world is after me. After the whole thing, I always feel guilty.


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## iuseings (Nov 11, 2009)

That's exactly how I feel. I'm super paranoid twenty-four seven and for every person I see it feels like they are judging me or out to harm me. It's totally irrational because it can be any age or gender and I always feel the crushing negative thoughts stirring beneath my effort to think about other things. I had a point at a mall recently where I felt so panicked by the amount of people and the feeling that their eyes where burning into me that I felt an intense hatred for everyone and a desire to punch everyones faces. It's that and rushing to get out of the situation as soon as possible. 
I wish I knew what to do about it but I've struggled with it for awhile now.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

LALoner said:


> Did you have a bad relationship with your parents? Maybe childhood stuff is still floating around your head.


In a way yeah cause I never really had privacy and my mom is a control freak that likes to know everything so I lack the confidence to do things on my own without guidance:/


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

iuseings said:


> That's exactly how I feel. I'm super paranoid twenty-four seven and for every person I see it feels like they are judging me or out to harm me. It's totally irrational because it can be any age or gender and I always feel the crushing negative thoughts stirring beneath my effort to think about other things. I had a point at a mall recently where I felt so panicked by the amount of people and the feeling that their eyes where burning into me that I felt an intense hatred for everyone and a desire to punch everyones faces. It's that and rushing to get out of the situation as soon as possible.
> I wish I knew what to do about it but I've struggled with it for awhile now.


I've had many situations like that, where I feel strongly like everytones againest me, laughing at me, it then leads to a crazy frenzy of me wanting to cuss them out, lash out at them and it's gotten me in trouble with a lady once cause I gave her my attitude when she assured me she wasnt doing anything? I hate how my mind has a mind of it's own, wish everything could go back to normal and be naive, I rather be naive then know the "truth" and be hypersensitive and on my toes all the time.


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## changeforthebetter (Feb 15, 2011)

do you have any idea what may be causing this? did your parents ever make comparisons of you to other children of a similar age when you were younger?


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

I was the same way around 20 - going on prozac and doing CBT helped though.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

changeforthebetter said:


> do you have any idea what may be causing this? did your parents ever make comparisons of you to other children of a similar age when you were younger?


They never really compared me to other children, but I did feel like I never lived up to their expectations for the way they were and still are very judgmental towards what me & my siblings do, or anyone else in general, mostly my mom, I know I got my negative attributes from her.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

LostPancake said:


> I was the same way around 20 - going on prozac and doing CBT helped though.


Indeed, I really need help for this, I had a really bad episode yesterday at a restaurant, I feel like it's getting worse, cause I couldn't even have a conversation with my friend without feeling like someone was listening in:/


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## Alchemist (Mar 26, 2011)

I had that all the time. It´s normal symptom of SA. First one I overcome with CBT. It wasn´t that hard.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Cbt would probably be good for you, I don't know an awful lot about the more in depth effects of childhood on things like this.



Tess4u said:


> I can't stop but assume I'm such a freak or weirdo that they hate me, probably laughing at me and etc.
> It sucks being super anxious all the time, and assuming everyone is plotting against meI wish I had a positive outlookbut I just feel like I'm abnormal, weird and I will never be good enough not even for me


This sounds similar to something I worked through in cbt, it doesn't affect me in the same way now. It's a nasty repetitive thing to re-inforce all the time, try writing it down and de-constructing it with socratic questioning like:

*1. *'Why do you say that?', 'Could you explain further?' *2.* 'Is this always the case?', 'Why do you think that this assumption holds here?'
*3.* 'Why do you say that?', 'Is there reason to doubt this evidence?'
*4.* 'What is the counter argument for?', 'Can/did anyone see this another way?'
*5.* 'But if what happened, what else would result?', 'How does...affect...?'
*6.* 'Why do you think that I asked that question?', 'Why was that question important?', 'Which of your questions turned out to be the most useful?'

Courtesy of wikipedia

Good luck!

And remember to cut yourself a ton of slack, things take time and the little (sometimes uncomfortable) intricasies are all just part of the bigger picture.


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

Tess4u said:


> I dont know what this is, or even if it is "something" but here goes, so when I'm at home I feel like I'm always being watched, like something is always wrong with me and passing through windows I feel paranoid. Even with really thick curtains I assume my neighbors next door can see me through them. There is no part of my house I feel okay except probably the hallway which has no windows. I can't begin to hear people outside my house start talking cause I get scared they'll talk about how weird I am for never leaving my house, how i haven't done anything with my life, what a loser I am and such never anything positive always negative. Even though it might not be true I just don't wish to hear the conversation cause the littlest word that might have something to do with me my thoughts go into a frenzy of like conspiracy theories againest me. Whenever I am out my house, I can't stop but assume I'm such a freak or weirdo that they hate me, probably laughing at me and etc.
> It sucks being super anxious all the time, and assuming everyone is plotting against me I wish I had a positive outlook but I just feel like I'm abnormal, weird and I will never be good enough not even for me


*I feel like people think I'm weird or a freak to . In fact I worry all the time about it sucks. Grr I wish so much that we all not not have to suffer from SA!*


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

Tess4u said:


> Indeed, I really need help for this, I had a really bad episode yesterday at a restaurant, I feel like it's getting worse, cause I couldn't even have a conversation with my friend without feeling like someone was listening in:/


Yes, please do get help - an SSRI can really help turn down the volume on such obsessive thoughts, and then CBT can help you learn to think differently.

At its worst I felt like there was this giant eye in the sky glaring at me 24 hours a day - at first it just judged my actions where people could see me or hear me, but then it grew to where was judging my every thought, even when I was alone.

And I don't think you would necessarily get to that point, just saying that meds and CBT can be really helpful, even if it seems like the thoughts are overwhelming and out of your control.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

LostPancake said:


> Yes, please do get help - an SSRI can really help turn down the volume on such obsessive thoughts, and then CBT can help you learn to think differently.
> 
> At its worst I felt like there was this giant eye in the sky glaring at me 24 hours a day - at first it just judged my actions where people could see me or hear me, but then it grew to where was judging my every thought, even when I was alone.
> 
> And I don't think you would necessarily get to that point, just saying that meds and CBT can be really helpful, even if it seems like the thoughts are overwhelming and out of your control.


I was on zoloft for a while and i recently came off it, because i still had my paranoid thoughts and just made me really numb and easily irritable, I now can tell the difference now that im off of it, good side is i now dont feel like a zombie but have noticed my paranoia has gotten a bit worse and i lack the mild carefree attitude i felt on it. So im thinking of trying something else, cause i dont think an SSRI is really what i need for my paranoia(no offense but cbt might be really good.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Tess4u said:


> In a way yeah cause I never really had privacy and *my mom is a control freak that likes to know everything *so I lack the confidence to do things on my own without guidance:/


That will screw you up really bad.


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

LALoner said:


> That will screw you up really bad.


Yea...the best way i can put it is like in the movie the Black Swan where Nina's mom is overprotective and babies her a lot, which leads to Nina being the way she is, fragile, innocent, etc. My mom isn't as crazy as the mom portrayed in the movie but somewhere along those lines, of being a perfectionist, controlling, overprotective, paranoid parent which has lead not much room for me to grow, and be okay and sure of myself, I lack being able to do things by myself at times because of that, I cant even leave my own house alone:! without having crazy thoughts.


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## Jcoj613 (May 1, 2011)

You have a problem, probably something to do with how your brain works. Just get some help.

You are not alone.


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## callmecharnelle (Apr 17, 2011)

I feel just like this.


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## Hamster (Sep 3, 2009)

I used to and occassionally get voices in my head insulting me on how I look or how I'm such an awful person, but I know they're just afterimages (erm, voices) that are in my imagination. Same if I look in a mirror. It's all in your imagination and you have to keep telling yourself that until eventually it disappears (and it does lol).


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

simply,, whwn u r a teenager, rejected by peers,, u'll simply feel that,, by time will pass that feeling


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## Nytol (Apr 28, 2011)

Tess4u said:


> cause i dont think an SSRI is really what i need for my paranoia(no offense but cbt might be really good.


They are poor drugs IMO.

At least now you are off the meds, you know the feelings are your own.



Tess4u said:


> Yea...the best way i can put it is like in the movie the Black Swan where Nina's mom is overprotective and babies her a lot, which leads to Nina being the way she is, fragile, innocent, etc. My mom isn't as crazy as the mom portrayed in the movie but somewhere along those lines, of being a perfectionist, controlling, overprotective, paranoid parent which has lead not much room for me to grow, and be okay and sure of myself, I lack being able to do things by myself at times because of that, I cant even leave my own house alone:! without having crazy thoughts.


Very deep film, it is sad how some parents are so self centred that they mess their children up, mine were almost the opposite to yours, but messed me up none the less 



straightarrows said:


> simply,, whwn u r a teenager, rejected by peers,, u'll simply feel that,, by time will pass that feeling


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## dim (Apr 21, 2011)

> They never really compared me to other children, but I did feel like I never lived up to their expectations for the way they were and still are very judgmental towards what me & my siblings do, or anyone else in general, mostly my mom, I know I got my negative attributes from her.


Do you feel like you can talk freely with your parents, as if they were your friends?
While staying with my parents, I didn't pass some of my studies even though I was staying the whole time in my room, that was one mistake which made me feel that I didn't meet their expectations even though I was paying for my studies.

I'm fine now, but at that time I couldn't talk freely with my parents, I always felt like an underachiever considering the opportunities I had - that's why I'm asking whether you feel you can talk easily with your parents about your feelings, because I didn't do that I started thinking they were against me all the time, I'd look for negative thoughts when they told me something to do and I wouldn't even eat with them when I was at their place, that's how much I avoided them.


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## Shy skeptic (Feb 26, 2011)

whoa i used to be like that still am in some ways


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## Tess4u (Feb 6, 2011)

There are times, where i feel like i can, but all the times i have it backfires and they go and tell their relatives, or make fun of me at times for things ive told them, even though their "joking" its not funny, it really does hurt, and i just try to avoid them, so i rarely have conversations with them, because they don't initiate or have an interest in getting to know their children, me and my sublings are just here.



dim said:


> Do you feel like you can talk freely with your parents, as if they were your friends?
> While staying with my parents, I didn't pass some of my studies even though I was staying the whole time in my room, that was one mistake which made me feel that I didn't meet their expectations even though I was paying for my studies.
> 
> I'm fine now, but at that time I couldn't talk freely with my parents, I always felt like an underachiever considering the opportunities I had - that's why I'm asking whether you feel you can talk easily with your parents about your feelings, because I didn't do that I started thinking they were against me all the time, I'd look for negative thoughts when they told me something to do and I wouldn't even eat with them when I was at their place, that's how much I avoided them.


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