# Social Differences: College vs High School



## justforester

I had a horrible time in high school. I had very little social life and didn't get to know many people. My school was extremely clique-ish and big. Girls wouldn't even glance at you if you didn't wear expensive clothes and put on a jock persona. Guys, even the ones I hung out with regularly, would just insult me constantly because of my lack of confidence, low self-esteem and inability to insult them back. I was always the awkward one. I'm the guy who invites them to his house and ends up $170 poorer at the end of night because someone (so called "friend") has stolen his stash of money (Explaining my total lack of faith in people). It was 5 long, sh*tty years of my life. 

Anyways, my question is how much different is it going to be at university? Will there be people who still love to pick on the quiet guy? Is it as easy to be a social outcast in college as it is in high school? Should I be expecting more of the same? I felt like my high school "friends" were so immature, it would be exhausting being around them. I'm really hoping people are more mature and open in college...

Oh, and I'm living in residence and my university is University of Toronto.

Thanks.


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## tigerlilly

heh

i'm actually not in unversity yet, but here's what people keep telling me: most people are more mature at that age and level of education, and they don't act out like that as much because they're all there because they WANT to be there and they're paying a lot of money to be there. also, you're not locked up with them for 7 hours straight, just for an hour or two during each class.


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## zookeeper

It's a totally different scene. All the groups and cliques that were in high school are gone. Generally people are much nicer and the potential is there to meet good people. The big problem is that it's much harder to get to know anyone. Unless you're forced to work with other people, it's very easy to go to class, not say anything, then go straight home. I did 4 years at university and don't have a single friend to show for it.

Try to make an effort to join a club or something that will allow you to interact with people. I really wish I had done that, I think it would have made a big difference in my experience.

Good luck and try to have fun!


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## SilentLoner

A lot less social pressure. One of my favorite things is no one cares if you eat alone, everyone does it when they're studying. So just bring a book with you and pretend to read.


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## justforester

^ The thing is I don't want to be alone. Or eat alone. I'm tired of being F-ing ALONE. it's F-ing depressing.


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## utopian_grrl

College is a lot less clique-ish than HS. Depending on the type of college you go to, there are many different people from diverse backgrounds. 

I think the biggest upside to college is the huge amount of student organizations that are around so you can meet people. It can be anxious to go to a meeting, but you can meet a few similar people that way and get involved in what interests you. 

The independence that's available is also a good thing. Like what's already been mentioned, there really is no one keeping an eye on you and seeing if you are sitting alone or not. Instead of one divided and overcrowded cafeteria, there can be dozens of places to eat - whether secluded or with others. 

And yeah, like mentioned again, the downside of Uni is the fact that unlike HS, you don't really get to know your classmates. Instead of a room with 20 kids, you may be 1 in 200 - lost in the crowd. It's definitely harder to make friends that way. But if you go to or organize study groups, you may get to know a few people that way. And, of course you might luck up with a good and understanding roommate. 

In summary my advice:
1. Go to student organization meetings - I have met a few people that way. Good for practice social interaction.
2. Go to study sessions - you can meet kids from a class that may be too big to get to know anyone otherwise.
3. Get an on-campus job - Crappy pay but convenient location. Spend lots of time with other students. Common job is easy start to conversation.


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## Redefine

Are you living in a dorm? That helps BIG time. There are cliques in college too, but they are not nearly as bad as in high school. People are generally much nicer, smarter and open to accept people. You're gonna see more people like you in college without a doubt. 

I agree with getting an on-campus job. That helps big time with money and seeing more people. I remember you said you like soccer? Definitely try out for a club team or play for inter-murals. College can be a lot of fun, but don't forget work is first. Don't hide in your room, I spent some time doing that and it made things worse. When I pushed myself out of my room things only got better for me.

Good luck man.


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## anomalous

High school was a living hell for me too. I wasn't picked on too much, despite similar issues to what you describe, but was generally ignored, patronized, and treated like something of a joke by most of my pseudo-friends. Never even dreamed of attending homecoming or prom, and probably socialized with people outside of class an average of less than 10x/year.

HS is basically a worst-case scenario for our type; it's the crossroads of puberty and immaturity, and you're thrown into a building for four years with people whose only common link to you is where they happen to live. The chances of someone who isn't very "normal" finding many like-minded companions in that environment is depressingly low.

Needless to say, it can only get better from there. I'm going to college halfway across the country from where I grew up, and even despite my moving here not knowing a soul, the experience has been immeasurably better than HS. It's not that I've become social; it's simply that I can get away with being my awkward, introverted self without nearly as much grief. Suddenly, instead of being placed in classes with people who happen to have been born into a nearby household, I'm in classes with people who _chose_ to come here because they share a passion for the same topic as me. Even though many of them like to party and go to clubs and do all the things I still never dream of doing, that little bit of common ground we have has provided a comfort zone sufficient for me to get to know quite a few of them, and even make some friends along the way.

Don't set your hopes too high, as there are still cliques (I don't think that ever really ends) and macho-ism and all that BS. The sad truth is, _most_ college students (at least where I am) are still rather immature, and many are going on their parents' dime with the primary objective of getting wasted and/or laid on a nightly basis. The good news is that you can easily choose to avoid all that and stick with the ones who share common interests and hobbies if you so desire (save for the dorms, perhaps... but personally, I got the f*** out of there after freshman year was over!).


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## letitrock

justforester said:


> ^ The thing is I don't want to be alone. Or eat alone. I'm tired of being F-ing ALONE. it's F-ing depressing.


Sorry to tell you this but that statement describes the way my life and the way I feel and I've been in college for about three years already and nothing has changed-I mean I've changed-I'm not so down on myself like I once was, but I didn't have friends in middle school, I didn't have them in high school and I don't have them now, not a one. I do everything alone and it sucks by the way EVEN MORE when you're living in a ****ing dorm cuz people see you being alone in school _and_ out of school

I'm not saying you'll end up like me, with nothing changing from high school to college, but I just don't want you to assume things are gonna somehow work out, that just because it's _college_ that something will happen on its own because that's where my hopeful *** was when I first entered college-The first week, I was nervous, but I wasn't trying to be fake cheerful or anything, I was just trying to calm, and not freak out about wanting friends, and at lunch, I'd eat in the tiny cafeteria(my school was small as ****) and then I'd go the the cramped library and sit all the way in the back just reading books and thinking, ok, it's only been a couple days, and I haven't made friends yet, I'm Ok with that, I still have time, and then by the 2nd week everyone was friends with everyone and ****, and I'm like, wtf happened???? Last week none of you knew each other!!!!!

So, basically don't get your hopes up, but don't get grim about it-I mean the best I can say is this could be a new start for you and you have to be the driving force behind something changing-sh*ts not just gonna fall in your lap unless you have some bright shiny personality and sh*t that shines thru your sa....but don't try _too _hard either cuz I've heard in the forums over and over how its really exhausting/draining to force it

But as far as you being the driving force behind something changing, I don't have any advice about how to do that since I haven't really been able to do it myself except for put yourself out there in _some_ way so people have _something_ to connect/relate/bond with in you


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## Crystalline

I found college was much much harder...harder academics, bigger crowd, more stressful overall, less sports over which to bond with people...just less fun than high school was. It seemed tougher to break into social circles because there were so many people and everyone was either so busy or kind of distant to each other unless they lived in the dorms.


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## Zephyr

High school vs University is completely different. I remember being blown away when I first got to uni; after the social hell that was high school, I found university so much more mellow and accepting that I almost shook with relief. In high school, it seems if you don't fit in, you're mercilessly reviled. It's a social jungle. The kids in university are more mature, and since they generally want to be there, don't waste time bugging others out of 'boredom'. It seemed in high school half of them existed solely to pick fights and mess with other people.

In high school I was walking on eggshells all the time, my stomach was in constant knots. It was all I could do to get through every day. In university all that disappeared. I could actually be my nerdy asocial self, and no one cared. It was great :lol



zookeeper said:


> Unless you're forced to work with other people, it's very easy to go to class, not say anything, then go straight home.


It's almost too easy. Without any effort, those years can go by. I went six years, and hardly met anyone.


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## AussiePea

College is more mature, people are there because they want to be there and not because they are forced to like school. People also begin to realise that being manipulative and mean does not score them friends or place them on some pedistool like school sometimes does but instead they soon find themselves either missing teeth or realising nobody wants to have anything to do with them.

You also meet people who have similar interests as you at college (studying the same things) which can also be really helpful in making friendships along the way. Uni was definitely a good experience for me, even-though my SA only began when I started there and I think for those struggling with the same broken record at school, they will find tertiary study a breath of fresh air.


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## somethinginthewind

High school was a horrible experience for me, simply put. I moved 6 hours away from home to go to college and somehow that was SO freeing for me (and terrifying too, of course). Everyone, SAD or not, is freaking out during the first while at college so it was so easier to meet people, knowing that for once you're equally anxious. I completed my diploma in something that I absolutely LOVED so I was surrounded with similar people to me.


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## jmoop

I hated high school as well. I've pretty much burned my bridges and I refuse to donate money; they've got to be kidding me after my mom had to pay near college-tuition for me to go there and I had to endure years of people ignoring me and having to lose very good friends to the cliques.

College is definitely a lot better. I go to a smallish art school and most people in my major have similar interests to mine (some are as geeky as me!!). I didn't like the college I had gone to before because it was basically like high school over again (everyone was making friends/hooking up without me) and it was way too big. I'm glad I transferred to a smaller private school; it's just a better social scene.


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## homer

High school and college are completely different. For most people college is much better, but that doesn't mean there aren't a few who struggle there. I had best luck meeting people in the dorms. If you show up at the start of the year with a dozen beers to share with a dozen dorm neighbors, that will give you a head start in getting to know them and will be money well spent. Maybe a big bowl of M&Ms or something like that could generate some traffic to your dorm room so you can keep in touch with your neighbors would be helpful too.

Joining clubs is good. Find a few that look interesting and go and keep going until you get to know a few people there. If one club doesn't work out, find another. Most colleges have a million of them.

Homework groups are great. Not only just for meeting people but also for getting help on the tougher problems and motivation to finish your homework. Talk to people who sit near you in class and see if they want to meet in the library at a regular time to work on homework.


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## tribute311

get to know your roommate. get to know the people on your floor. do it as soon as possible.freshman year, i procrastinated meeting people on my floor because i was too shy. then i never ended up meeting most of the guys (except for a few). I then became the loner in my floor. also, just try not to be too afraid or too shy. that was my problem (and it still is). I'm afraid to initiate conversations with people. dont be like that haha. GOOD LUCK


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## kanarazu

As much as I hated high school, I miss it a lot now that I am in college... With high school, every day was the same, I hung out with the same people, ate lunch with the same people... And at the end of the day I could go home and be alone in a stress free enviroment. And college does have nicer, more mature people, and people more like me, but after the first week full of social activities I just fell back into being a loner. It's more obvious when you are alone in college because it seems like everyone is constantly socializing, and there is no where to just hide for a while.


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## this portrait

Let's list off all the differences now. . .

*High School*
-Small school (81 students in my graduating class alone)
-Private, non-denominational Christian school
-Uniforms
-You knew everyone by name, even if you never talked to them
-Conservative (both politically and socially)
-I acted more myself back then, and didn't give a **** what anyone thought about me.
-Being different was something I prided myself on. Whenever I would 'rebel,' I would make a few enemies among the student population, while others (including teachers) thought I was creative and unique.

*College*
-For one, I live on campus, about 90 miles away from home.
-Medium-sized school (About 1900 students in my whole class)
-Private, Catholic university, but open to all faiths
-No uniforms, among many other freedoms
-I don't know everyone by name like I used to; I know more people by face than name now.
-I'm being a little more exposed to the drinking, drug, and party scene, even though I don't take part in it.
-Waaay more liberal (both politically and socially)
-SA skyrocketed not long after I got here, so naturally I don't act like myself like I did in high school, and I care a lot what people think about me now.
-Being different doesn't seem to make me as unique as it did, because no one really criticizes me for it anymore.

The pros and cons tend to go both ways in this situation. =/


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## whatev133

college is so much better in my opinion. while it is academically demanding, the independence is good for your self esteem.


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## rose89

There will definitely be more opportunities to meet good people, but you have to be able to open up and do it. There were a lot of people that I wish I could of gotten to know better and been friends with, but my insecurities and SA just caused me to avoid and shy away. Just facing your fears doesn't help, you have to go in to it with the right mind set.

Try to be positive, relaxed, and yourself. Good luck, have fun


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## altspoon

College can be what you make it to be I think. Versus High School where you kind of had to fall into a clique. Dorm life for at least the first year is 100% necessary for SA though. It makes you so much more comfortable, and helps you make some friends that you can keep for all of college.


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## Akane

It depends on what you go into at the university. I started in a program that was 50 girls to 2 guys per year just because that's who applied. The girls were mostly the rich preppy type that were probably all popular in highschool. It was a nightmare. They were just as bad as highschool if not worse.

I switched majors to a degree that required a bit more technical knowledge and while still shifted towards mostly female they were rather more sane and accepting. The girls were more interested in finishing their degrees than causing any trouble with each other and while they kept more to their own groups they didn't make fun of or gang up on anyone that wasn't in their group.

I quit college for a couple years cause I couldn't find a major I actually wanted to have a job in for the rest of my life and I went back last fall for a CIS (computer programming) degree. Huuuge difference. The whole major is filled with basically rather introverted guys or really laid back people who like to interact and be social but don't really care with who. Not a single one of them has been judgemental or had a negative comment for anyone. They are usually helpful or at worst ignore it when I fail to answer a question or keep up a conversation and just go back to what they were doing.

That's just in the same college going to do different parts of it for different majors. When you start comparing different colleges you'll find there is even more variety. It can be highschool all over again, it can be worse (no I didn't think that was possible), or it could be a million times better and all those problems you had in high school might cease to exist. It all depends where you go and what you major in as to the type of people who will also be attracted to that area of that college.


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## homer

Interesting post. I wondered how much effect your choice of major has on your social life.


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## milo001

i felt that HS and college is almost the same.the groups will always be there.they'll asked u if you want to hang out or not after class even though u're not really close with them.don't really understand what they're thinking anyway.


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## yellowpaper

College is much.. better, socially. People are much nicer and.. ok it's just better. What everyone else said. Even if you don't make friends, at least you're more accepted/ignored, imo... you have more freedom to be yourself. In high school I couldn't even wear a pair of new jeans without being extremely self consious.

My worst classes in college were my freshman classes bc everyone's like straight from high school, but the problem-people drop out after/during freshman year anyways. People still are judgmental and crap in classes, but basically... idk... it's just different to me.


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## lars

doh


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## kenny87

in high school its hard to avoid people, whether it be for better or worse, in college no one will notice you unless you try.


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## Hadron92

At college you definitely get the more serious people, as they are the ones that bother to continue with their education. You also feel more free and less like you are in a prison (you are not forced to eat the awful cafeteria food, because you are allowed to leave the premises). 

By the way, people start college (or sixth form college) at 16/17 in the UK, so there may be a few differences.


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## bezoomny

Akane said:


> It depends on what you go into at the university. I started in a program that was 50 girls to 2 guys per year just because that's who applied. The girls were mostly the rich preppy type that were probably all popular in highschool. It was a nightmare. They were just as bad as highschool if not worse.
> 
> I switched majors to a degree that required a bit more technical knowledge and while still shifted towards mostly female they were rather more sane and accepting. The girls were more interested in finishing their degrees than causing any trouble with each other and while they kept more to their own groups they didn't make fun of or gang up on anyone that wasn't in their group.
> 
> I quit college for a couple years cause I couldn't find a major I actually wanted to have a job in for the rest of my life and I went back last fall for a CIS (computer programming) degree. Huuuge difference. The whole major is filled with basically rather introverted guys or really laid back people who like to interact and be social but don't really care with who. Not a single one of them has been judgemental or had a negative comment for anyone. They are usually helpful or at worst ignore it when I fail to answer a question or keep up a conversation and just go back to what they were doing.
> 
> That's just in the same college going to do different parts of it for different majors. When you start comparing different colleges you'll find there is even more variety. It can be highschool all over again, it can be worse (no I didn't think that was possible), or it could be a million times better and all those problems you had in high school might cease to exist. It all depends where you go and what you major in as to the type of people who will also be attracted to that area of that college.


Yeah. I'm in a very small program (classics) at a public university, so my classes are very small and tend to have the same people every year. It's a lot easier to get to know people that way. Even though classics tends to be male-dominated, my classes are always about 50/50 when it comes to gender. Maybe slightly more men than women, but only slightly.

The people in my program vary. Most are the bookish, introverted folks that you'd expect. But a few are into the Greek system, some are foreign and here on athletic scholarship, some are preparing to go into medical school or law school.

Other small liberal arts programs - linguistics, anthropology, archaeology, art history, etc. etc.


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