# So pissed at what my mom said about me



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

So yesterday my sister told me that she and my mom were talking and for whatever reason my mom said "If your sister ever gets married, she'll change her mind about having kids." Now, anyone on this board who knows me knows that I CAN'T STAND children, so her statement makes me angry for a MYRIAD of reasons.

1. She's basically saying that I don't really know my own mind and my own desires. It's the same attitude as doctors who won't tie a woman's tubes before a certain age. It's condescending and takes away a person's agency over their own body. 

2. Having children is NOT the primary purpose of marriage, it's about spending your life with someone you love. I really don't understand the idea that if a woman falls in love with a man, she'll automatically want to have children with him. If I ever get married, I want our marriage to be about US, not "the children."

My mom is either in deep denial, or she really thinks she knows me better than I know myself. My sister is not really a kid person either, so I think she's worried she'll never have grandchildren. But are grandchildren really that important? Really?


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## iminnocentenough (Jul 24, 2014)

Heh, I'm the opposite. I really want kids if I'm married, and I think that only strengthens the relationship and bond you share with your partner, but i'm in no way rushing to it. Kids are great, and I'm great with them, so I guess to each their own :")


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## TheLoser (Jul 16, 2014)

I dont see the point of marriage in general, and I absolutely see no point why which status you have should effect the "need" for having children or not. 

However, although your mothers comment was stupid I think the fact that she obviously have no respect for you is the worst part here.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

TheLoser said:


> However, although your mothers comment was stupid I think the fact that she obviously have no respect for you is the worst part here.


Yes, that's true.


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## KawaiiHime (Oct 10, 2013)

i can related. i don't ever want to have kids, so my grandma would often say ''you'll have enough kids to make a football team!''. i don't get why every woman should want to have kids. 

i bet your mom thinks women are baby machines and cleaning machines.


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## Pizza (Oct 5, 2013)

I agree, it seems that within the society that we live in, a woman's worth is based upon whether she has kids or not. It's more so about what her body can do, than her mind. It's like people are misunderstanding what marriage truly is... which is the eternal bond with someone that you love. Children at that point are a blessing, but not a requirement.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Pizza said:


> I agree, *it seems that within the society that we live in, a woman's worth is based upon whether she has kids or not.* It's more so about what her body can do, than her mind. It's like people are misunderstanding what marriage truly is... which is the eternal bond with someone that you love. Children at that point are a blessing, but not a requirement.


So true, sadly.

And children are not a blessing for people who don't want/like them!


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

Most people do change their mind though so when you're that young can you really blame her for expecting that?


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Waifu said:


> Most people do change their mind though so when you're that young can you really blame her for expecting that?


It's not like I'm on the fence about it, I strongly dislike children and I've made this perfectly clear to her several times.


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## uglyascanbe1 (Jul 25, 2014)

Tell her its nothing to do with her seriously people respect there parents to much after all they just had a sex to have you hardly the toughest job in the world.


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## Waifu (Jul 21, 2014)

I'm not taking your mom's side I think it's wrong of her to say that I just think it's like growing up she probably heard you say things like that a thousand times and keep changing your mind like "I hate broccolli and I'll never eat" and then you did or a bunch of other things you probably didn't want.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

EternallyRestless said:


> It's not like I'm on the fence about it, I strongly dislike children and I've made this perfectly clear to her several times.


Can I ask why you strongly dislike children?



Waifu said:


> Most people do change their mind though so when you're that young can you really blame her for expecting that?


I agree with Waifu. I don't think that you should get too upset about it. Lots of women do change their mind from that stance and it probably a bit of wishful thinking on your mums part.


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## itsjustin (Oct 21, 2011)

Not siding with your mom... because she can't predict the future about you suddenly deciding to want to have a child, but how are WE so 101% certain that WE will never ever change our own minds?

It's easy to say in the moment, but a five, three or even one year we might have a whole different mindset. I've changed my mind on lots of things I never though I'd change my mind about.

Hopefully she's only saying that in hopes of you giving her a grandbaby, and not because it's something she expects you to do.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

OP: what will you do if the man you love enough to marry wants kids?


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Hey, I've always hated kids too. But falling hardcore in love with someone can change things. Not because you don't have a mind of your own, but love does crazy **** to you. Crazy awesome **** usually.

I'm not saying that will happen to you, but it could. That's likely what your mom means. Love can make you think/feel differently. When you are happily married one day and you still don't want kids, your mom should hopefully back off. 

And yes, grandchildren are really that important. Mom's seem obsessed with the idea of them. Including mine, which is annoying.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

EternallyRestless said:


> It's not like I'm on the fence about it, I strongly dislike children and I've made this perfectly clear to her several times.


You ever thought that she used to have this view before she had kids?


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Serephina said:


> OP: what will you do if the man you love enough to marry wants kids?


Then I'll tell him that it's best we go our separate ways.


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

You're 22 and on top of that you're a woman (the brain matures faster). So yes, by now you should know yourself well enough and it is your imperative on what you do with your life.

You sound confident that children is not for you and you have conviction on what marriage means. I respect that.

One point I will dispute is that doctors aren't trying to condescend on women for being too young to have their tubes tied. It's a very heavy decision and you need to be a certain age for your mind to settle. Scientifically speaking, the brain doesn't fully mature until 25, sometimes up to 30. Food for thought.
If age wasn't a factor, would you be okay if someone said yes to a 12 year old girl tying her tubes because she is scared of being pregnant?


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

EternallyRestless said:


> So yesterday my sister told me that she and my mom were talking and for whatever reason my mom said "If your sister ever gets married, she'll change her mind about having kids." Now, anyone on this board who knows me knows that I CAN'T STAND children, so her statement makes me angry for a MYRIAD of reasons.
> 
> 1. She's basically saying that I don't really know my own mind and my own desires. It's the same attitude as doctors who won't tie a woman's tubes before a certain age. It's condescending and takes away a person's agency over their own body.
> 
> ...


Ha ha ha ha , I don't want and never have wanted kids , I don't like kids not even for very short periods of time they just suck in every way so I know how you feel but your going to get those sort of comments for a long time yet so get used to them .


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

Why are you letting this bother you so bad?

I'm guessing that you have had this conversion before. She didn't say it to you. I think it's more wishful thinking than trying to change your mind. Just let it go.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

TheLoser said:


> However, although your mothers comment was stupid I think the fact that she obviously have no respect for you is the worst part here.


It is not a stupid comment, it was her guess. There was nothing disrespectful in that sentence. She has simply stated an opinion, or as I have previously said, she was just guessing. No crime in that.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

She was right that there may be a chance you will change your mind at some point in your life, despite what you are feeling about this topic at this point. What made her say that? Most likely reality and all the other similar cases she has seen over time.

One of my sisters was going on and on about how she will probably never marry and doesn't even want to hear about babies. She will never have one. She is getting married now and, apparently, she has changed her mind about babies as well.

My previous therapist told me she never thought about having children before marriage. She just didn't think she can deal with a small child, will not be able to connect well enough and will not have the time for one. A few years after marriage she really wanted a child that would take traits from both of them. To her surprise, all her fears just went away and she really loves her child and the time spent with her.

So, you really never know. Never say ''Never''.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

Just Here said:


> Why are you letting this bother you so bad?
> 
> I'm guessing that you have had this conversion before. She didn't say it to you. I think it's more wishful thinking than trying to change your mind. Just let it go.


^ ^ this



sad vlad said:


> It is not a stupid comment, it was her guess. There was nothing disrespectful in that sentence. She has simply stated an opinion, or as I have previously said, she was just guessing. No crime in that.


^ ^ this



sad vlad said:


> She was right that there may be a chance you will change your mind at some point in your life, despite what you are feeling about this topic at this point. What made her say that? Most likely reality and all the other similar cases she has seen over time.
> So, you really never know. Never say ''Never''.


Of course, it is possible to dislike everyone else's child but love yours and think he/she is the best thing that ever happened. So, as Vlad said, never say never.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Serephina said:


> Of course, it is possible to dislike everyone else's child but love yours and think he/she is the best thing that ever happened. So, as Vlad said, never say never.


But there's still a chance that I won't think he/she is the "best thing that ever happened," so I'm not willing to take that chance. I'd rather live with regret than resentment. If you resent your child, then two lives are ruined.


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## TheLoser (Jul 16, 2014)

sad vlad said:


> It is not a stupid comment, it was her guess. There was nothing disrespectful in that sentence. She has simply stated an opinion, or as I have previously said, she was just guessing. No crime in that.


Crime? She has stated that she dont want kids. Her mother can off course think what she want, but talking about her behind her back about something like that is rude, no matter whether its family or not.

She may of course change her mind about having kids later, and thats off course no problem.


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