# Slow, monotone voice. Has anyone experienced this?



## plunderingkitten (Jan 18, 2017)

Hi, 
I am new to this website and I have come here because I have come to a roadblock. I was making progress with my social anxiety. I started to random people, classmates, going on dates, etc., but I get discouraged because I keep getting negative feedback. People often tell me I talk low, slow, monotone, and I sound like I am on drugs. I do not mean to be this way and cannot tell that I am doing it. I am very hurt by these comments, in fact, it the most hurtful thing anyone can say to me. I have practiced speaking alone by recording my voice and playing it back to change the way I speak, but when talking to people it is still the same. I don't know why I am like this, I think it could be due the fact that I had selective mutism as a child and never got treatment for it. Maybe I am so anxious that I am not able to express my feelings. I feel like I cannot truly be myself. Even when I am bursting with emotions, I sound apathetic. 


I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I stopped trying to make friends and go on dates. I am currently in school and I dread each semester because I have to do so many presentations. The more I do them, the more I hate them. It is even worse afterwards, because I am permanently embarrassed and can't even look at my classmates in the eye. I forced myself to do this about 4 times last semester, but I missed one last one because I was so anxious. I almost didn't pass my classes. My depression is also getting worse and it is hard to concentrate. I've had one job and an internship, and they wouldn't even let me talk on the phone because of my voice. I cannot past a job interview and I don't know how I will survive when I graduate this spring.

I have spoken to several therapists and they don't seem to know what is wrong with me and how to help me. One suggested I see a psychiatrist. I haven't insurance to seek professional help until now. My mother has put me on her Blue Cross insurance, but I only have 7 months left on it because it only covers me until my next birthday. So I really need to fix this issue within this time frame. I also don't have an income so I cannot spend money seeing a bunch of therapists. I tried to see a speech therapist, but they wanted a referral from my primary physician and I am waiting for my appointment. 

If anyone has had this problem and knows of a therapist or anything that could help me, please let me know asap.


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## YummyBanana (Oct 3, 2016)

Hello!

I don't personally have this problem but I just felt so sad when I read your post that I had to reply. I know how hard it is to change your voice- I am terrible at singing (my voice tends to sound flat when I sing) and I've tried recording my voice and playing it back just like you have. I'm still bad at singing but I find certain hymns are easier to sing.

I think you should look at videos on youtube or books about voice modulation. You may even want to try practicing how to sing- even if you don't sound good, at least you will be able to explore the different sound, pitches and notes that your vocal cords can make. The youtuber Felicia Ricci makes good videos about singing.

Also, maybe if you try to show more emotion on you face, the emotion will also come out in your voice. You may want to look into improvisational theatre (read about it on wikipedia) or just acting scenes from plays in the comfort of your house.

One more thing, placing pressure on yourself to improve your speech in 7 months is not going to help. Its only going to make you feel really stressed and it will damage your health. Whilst I am 100% sure that you can definitely improve you speech, I am not so sure if it can be done in a few months. It will take time, but you will get there.

I hope I have been of some help.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

When I was told to read out loud in school the teacher told the whole class to be quiet because I had a soft voice.


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## indyca (Jan 18, 2017)

Dont worry about your voice, the problem doesnt lie there. Its just your anxiety. 
It makes us believe that we are somehow flawed, not deserving of others.
You know, almost all people are insecure in one way or another, and the ones that are making these hurtful comments are probably somehow trying to hide their own hurt. People can somehow sense your insecurites, it isnt that your voice is the problem, its the fact that you think there is a problem with it. I know this sounds really cliche, but once you learn to love and respect yourself 100% , with all your unique features, become fully authentic, not trying to please others, you will find that people will stop making fun of you, and if they do, you wont even mind it, because you will have a stable image of yourself in your mind. It all boils down to how you percieve yourself, if you think there is a flaw, you will make it obvious to others, pointing their attention to it, and if they themselves are weak people, they are probably looking for those weak spots in others to attack. 
Dont force yourself to change for others, learn to accept yourself, because forcing yourself to change,adapt to others and hurting yourself like this is self abandonement, even if all the people on the planet love and respect you, if you arent true to yourself, you wont be happy. but as soon as you accept yourself and be you, unapologeticaly, people will be drawn to you like fireflies to a lamp. there are so few people in this world that are so brave, to be themselves. its hard, but its so rewarding afterwards. Dont hide your vulnerabilities, it takes tremendous courage, but when a person becomes transperent, and unafraid, its beautiful

i just read through this quickly, and ,man, this is a bit weird, but okay. my thoughts are just spilling out of my head today,


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## Kandice (Jan 26, 2017)

Yep, my voice is the same, slow, soft, and emotionless. I feel like it may be because I show very little emotion and I'm scared to speak up. I act like a robot. Someone once told me that I sounded like a zombie (lol). But most people tell me I sound tired.


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## babocali (Dec 25, 2016)

@plunderingkitten I'm writing this with the utmost enthusiasm. First of all, you should know that you voice could be as good as a world-class public speaker's. It'll just take practice and work.

Second, it's normal to get discouraged with negative feedback. Don't give up.

Your voice is your identity. With practice, it can sound better, more alive, more confident. I think that this is VERY important to know for anyone with your struggles, including me : )

At first, this'll feel dumb. That's fine. Find a practice room somewhere. Don't worry if people hear you, they're not thinking much of it anyway.

http://www.wikihow.com/Exercise-Your-Voice

My routine is, I do this for 30 minutes each morning. After, I read some inspirational passages aloud, at around 120 words per minute, and I enunciate. This changed my life.

I got sad reading your post. Put your best self forward! You got this!

One last thing- you don't need to take pills for this.


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## aesthetics (Feb 18, 2017)

I have the same thing brah! It's probably because of social anxiety. But it's probably more than that.
- 1st reason is Social Anxiety
not in order
- bad nutrition (not getting enough calories, vitamins, minerals, dehydration might make you feel tired and has more side effects)
- excessive masturbation (time consuming, probably has effects on hormones if overdone)
- no activity, being sedentary (we are born to be active and exercise boosts confidence)
- not getting enough sleep (sleep is the most imporant thing brehh)


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

indyca said:


> Dont worry about your voice, the problem doesnt lie there. Its just your anxiety.
> It makes us believe that we are somehow flawed, not deserving of others.
> You know, almost all people are insecure in one way or another, and the ones that are making these hurtful comments are probably somehow trying to hide their own hurt. People can somehow sense your insecurites, it isnt that your voice is the problem, its the fact that you think there is a problem with it. I know this sounds really cliche, but once you learn to love and respect yourself 100% , with all your unique features, become fully authentic, not trying to please others, you will find that people will stop making fun of you, and if they do, you wont even mind it, because you will have a stable image of yourself in your mind. It all boils down to how you percieve yourself, if you think there is a flaw, you will make it obvious to others, pointing their attention to it, and if they themselves are weak people, they are probably looking for those weak spots in others to attack.
> Dont force yourself to change for others, learn to accept yourself, because forcing yourself to change,adapt to others and hurting yourself like this is self abandonement, even if all the people on the planet love and respect you, if you arent true to yourself, you wont be happy. but as soon as you accept yourself and be you, unapologeticaly, people will be drawn to you like fireflies to a lamp. there are so few people in this world that are so brave, to be themselves. its hard, but its so rewarding afterwards. Dont hide your vulnerabilities, it takes tremendous courage, but when a person becomes transperent, and unafraid, its beautiful
> ...


No.

It is her voice that is the problem. Please don't dismiss this as if it wasn't anything to be concerned about.

Voice is very important, and perhaps extremely underrated in communication skills. Not in terms of speaking without being nervous, and loud enough and projecting - those are common things that are normally considered important - but things like resonance and dynamics, which means the quality of the sound and the variations in sound. These are generally overlooked, perhaps considered the domain of actors and those doing professional voice work, but it's really for everyone - voice quality can and should be improved. If your voice projects strength and confidence, you will be received much better socially, and it's something that everyone here should be looking into.

I'd recommend this book by Cynthia Zhai. I'm actually reading it now, about 60% done, and it's quite good.

https://www.amazon.com/Influence-Th...8&qid=1489325999&sr=1-1&keywords=cynthia+zhai

Another good book is The Voice Book by Kate DeVore and Starr Cookman:

https://www.amazon.com/Voice-Book-C...F8&qid=1489326057&sr=1-1&keywords=kate+devore

Both of these have different information and work well together, Zhai's book touches on chest resonance for one, which I don't believe DeVore's book does, and the latter is more focused on articulation of individual sounds.


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## I Beethoven (Mar 11, 2017)

Well I wouldn't worry about it so what you have a slow monotone voice, can you change it? that is who you are, I don't see anything wrong with that...


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