# I just suck at being a student



## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

I have slogged through two and a half years of college, and most of the time I just got by; my grades were either really good or really bad. I feel like I could have aced everything if I wasn't so afraid of talking to professors or teaching aides... When I mess up one assignment or test, I go into panic/anxiety mode, where I feel like I have failed, and after that I am paralyzed and start avoiding everything about that class. My biggest fear is talking to an advisor, professor, whoever, even my parents. Also, I am a master procrastinator, I have the procrastination disease. Apparently my studies don't interest me enough... I used to be really passionate about my major, now it's not even that important to me, more like just an abstract idea.

No matter how well I start off in a semester, by the end I am a total immobilized wreck, unable to do anything. So now I am in real danger of being kicked out of my school, and I don't know what to do. I guess I could try to make an appeal on the grounds of mental illness, but there's nothing to indicate that I will ever get over my fear and be a normal, successful student. So what can I do? Try again somewhere else, with a different major? Is that possible? Flunkies can still be successful in life, right? 

I feel so worthless because I wasn't able to do the college thing. And I am so scared, because I was following this conventional path in life, and now it's veered off course and I don't know if I'm strong enough to take the unconventional path. Oh god, I know ending your life is stupid, but I feel like I won't be able to take living if I had to settle for a really crappy job.

Maybe I'm over reacting. I dunno, maybe there's even a slight chance that I'll pull through to next semester; it's doubtful, but I'll know in a week or two. Change is freaking scary. Finding my own way in life is freaking scary. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this...


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## nycdude (Mar 20, 2010)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> I have slogged through two and a half years of college, *and most of the time I just got by; my grades were either really good or really bad. I feel like I could have aced everything if I wasn't so afraid of talking to professors or teaching aides.*.. When I mess up one assignment or test, I go into panic/anxiety mode, where I feel like I have failed, and after that I am paralyzed and start avoiding everything about that class. My biggest fear is talking to an advisor, professor, whoever, even my parents. Also, I am a master procrastinator, I have the procrastination disease. Apparently my studies don't interest me enough... I used to be really passionate about my major, now it's not even that important to me, more like just an abstract idea.
> 
> No matter how well I start off in a semester, by the end I am a total immobilized wreck, unable to do anything. So now I am in real danger of being kicked out of my school, and I don't know what to do. I guess I could try to make an appeal on the grounds of mental illness, but there's nothing to indicate that I will ever get over my fear and be a normal, successful student. So what can I do? Try again somewhere else, with a different major? Is that possible? Flunkies can still be successful in life, right?
> 
> ...


 I sometimes feel like this too, its not that i am afraid its just that i am not sure what to say when i come up to them, am i shy? not sure what i have or feel. My 1st semester this year was a total disaster. I passed two classes and failed 2 classes. I just lost interest in school i guess since 12th grade. But i wanted to go to college to learn more and to pursue a career. But i guess i just lost interest. Plus not having friends could be a reason too why i am not doing well in school, Friends can help you, they are there if you need help or someone to talk to.


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## Hyzenthlay (Dec 20, 2010)

I'm exactly the same, right down to the 2.5 years, only I haven't quite given up yet - mainly because I didn't mess up on anything too badly this last semester to make me go into total avoidance mode. Still, I'm fairly certain that if semesters were just a few weeks longer, I'd be screwed, since I'm already so listless in the last month (even though every semester I start off promising that I'm really going to try, this time).

I am/was in psychology, and I'm pretty sure I used to care about it, and find it interesting, but there's not much that interests me these days...so it's hard to find the determination to get past the procrastination and study. (Procrastination is _totally_ an art form!) And with SA/depression, sometimes even getting out of the house for class is a challenge, never mind self-motivated study.

I'm trying to join more clubs and such, and it is helping a little, but the anxiety involved even in such small steps as planning to go to a meeting (even if I don't actually end up going) actually distracts me just as much from school, so I don't know. I'm also scared to talk to profs/TAs, partly because my pride tells me I'd be admitting to failing on my own, and partly because, well...SA. And I'm pretty sure if I did, or went to study groups or something, it would help a lot. The "unconventional" life scares the crap out of me, so I can totally understand that.

Does your college have any counselling services? If you could get in touch with them, maybe they could help you with an appeal as well, especially if you agree to counselling. Are there any other subjects that (still) might interest you? I'm sort of switching to zoology now, and for the first time I'm actually excited about the courses, so that kind of change might help. Otherwise...just don't give up. Anything can happen (even if it hasn't yet) while you're alive. :yes


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## PandaRawr (Aug 18, 2010)

I can so relate I just started my first semester in college I just barely got by 3 of my classes but I'm pretty sure I failed one. It was because I couldn't go to those tutoring. I went once but it wasn't really helping and I couldn't do the presentation. I can't really get into studying also even if I try. I just can't ever get into it. I hope I can do better next semester I really want to fix my study habits and be able to do presentations.


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## bobthebuilder (Jun 17, 2009)

Ive never been remotely close to being a good student. In grade school i floated through on naturally learning the material fast. I dont seem to learn as fast these days, and i am paying the toll. I think i failed my math class by 8/10ths of a point.


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