# performing simple tasks cause me anxiety



## Athena30 (Mar 16, 2012)

Hello everyone,

I just learned about social phobias in my abnormal psychology class and upon further research realized I am struggling with a limited aspect of it. I am okay with making friends I like to party and I am quite friendly but I tend to put off things that make me really uncomfortable or take me out of my comfort zone, and mostly, I have performance anxiety.

I am afraid of performing simple tasks in front of others. I need to vent because I have finally found a supportive place where others can possibly relate

I'm not really sure how I developed this exactly but I think it could be a combination of things:

-naturally not being able to process certain things quickly (poor sense of direction, math)

-don't have the greatest common sense, I do before I think sometimes

-created my own way of doing things so it was convenient and easy for me even though technically it isn't the "proper" way of doing it

-did not have an interest in cooking, cleaning, tasks when I was younger which is when many people learn things, and my mom just gave up and called me lazy and did a lot of things for me

-lack of exposure because even though I've graduated college, studied abroad and have done certain things, I've spent a lot of my life growing up behind a computer where I am entertained and reading about things but not necessarily learning how to do things with my HANDS.

-performing things and being called "retard, really slow" when I don't get it right the first time which hurt me.

I think I developed this anxiety in my adolescence and now as I'm growing older and having to enter the real world it's seriously preventing me from finding work success (I've been let go of certain jobs because of it), and from entering relationships because I am afraid I'll be put in a situation where I'm asked to do something simple and I can't and things will spiral downwards from t here. I'm shadowing a professional for a career I am looking into, and I actually broke down and cried in front of him because he picked up on this fear I had saying things like "well you always stand 10 feet away" "are you afraid to do something and look stupid"??

But basically the things I am talking about include:

-driving a group of friends somewhere for fear of making the wrong turn or getting lost and being seriously called out for it
-opening a bottle of wine incorrectly
-cooking (peeling, cutting) housekeeping incorrectly in front of people (folding, ironing)
-screwing up office tasks
-handling money in front of others
-simple things like opening a box correctly!!! Or making a box. 
-the other day I had trouble pulling shades down at the clinic!! I felt so stupid
-lack of decorating knowledge, (I have trouble blowing balloons so I think I may have a serious panic attack attempting this if ever needed)
-opening a container 
-wrapping gifts, sewing (my step mom once asked me to adjust something on her shirt and then was like--"oh you probably don't know how to do it I'll ask my son) that really hurt me..
-avoid social functions or invitations where I'll have to perform something
-fixing something in front of others
-lacing shoes correctly cuz ive done this maybe a couple times in my life

things I could probably do on my own as long as it isn't a performance although not perfectly...

What makes it difficult for me is I am surrounded by people/DO-ers who appear competent whether relating to job performance, housekeeping, fixing things, figuring out the bill in front of a large group and I KNOW they wouldn't understand me. And for others, even if they screw up they don't seem bothered by redoing it. It would be so nice to be able to learn in supportive environments surrounded by supportive, empathetic people but in the real world I know that is unrealistic to hope for.

I am also getting older, and now it's even harder for me to just throw caution to the wind and DO things regardless of what people may think because I can't use age as an excuse..

"Aww shes 5 and is having trouble, how cute.." vs. "she's in her mid 20's and can't even do x y and z????? Where has this girl been??"
So now I have a LAUNDRY LIST of things I have to l learn just to catch up to seemingly "normal" society.

I have a new job working with kids although more in training phase, and I'm supposed to practice in front of my coworkers and supervisor, and I have to act a certain way or change my tone of voice in front of them and I HATE coming off fake and inauthentic it really makes me uncomfortable.

Wanted to add that I saw this in a post and this really describes me as well:

*At my job there used to be this task that I had to do once every week, and it always took me the better part of an hour. One day I was too busy to do it, so I had to delegate it to another person. He did it in a way that was much more efficient than what I had been doing and got the thing done in 10 minutes. I stood there flabbergasted that in the two years I had been doing this particular task, I had never once thought to do it in this way. It was such a simple and obvious solution, and yet it never occurred to me. *

And if I'm in a group activity that requires actually doing things with our hands I sit back and try to avoid screwing up and looking useless but i end up FEELING useless anyway.

Thank you for reading my long entry and I hope to hear from the readers


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## Athena30 (Mar 16, 2012)

oh and if anyone has able to overcome this issue I would like to hear from them, and for others that just suffer through this issue i would like to hear from you too. It is hard to find people who can relate in my day to day life.


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## Athena30 (Mar 16, 2012)

....


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## Snuffy (Oct 5, 2010)

It definitely sounds like performance anxiety due to spatial awareness issues is at the root of your troubles - with the discomfort in being around others as more of a side-effect. In any case, anxiety is never an easy thing to have to deal with and we can all relate to that here. 

From what you've described, your physical/spatial side was somewhat underdeveloped in childhood, possibly just because you didn't happen to move quickly, so more impatient people took issue and took over (-really a shame; not everyone is a Speedy Gonzales, and they shouldn't have to be)... Or, a rather controlling personality who couldn't understand why you approached things in different ways (believing their way was the only "right" way) chided you to the point that you thought it was pointless to even try. Either of these could easily trigger performance anxiety.

In the present, though, I wonder if it might help you to stimulate and strengthen communication between your mind and body with a sort of dance therapy... Not out in public where you'd feel stressed and awkward, but alone in your room with no-one around to see... You could just let yourself go with made-up stuff to your favorite music, using lots of sweeping movements and also more specific posing of hands and arms - focusing on really *feeling* where they are as you move them around... Maybe in this way you could get those nerves talking to each other more, and eventually working together more comfortably and effectively. 

If you liked, you could include a full-length mirror for added visual input of your movements. You could also hold and pass objects around between your hands in different, creative ways as you dance, which might help build confidence when it comes to manipulating objects and performing physical tasks in public. No pressure, no criticizing - just feel and watch yourself move. You might even surprise yourself by being more graceful than you ever thought you could be. 

This might all sound silly, but it might also really help; the mind is actually a lot more mouldable (with focused repetition) than was previously believed. 

Anyway, I guess this isn't the kind of response that you were asking for, but I'm sure there are others on here who can relate and hopefully they'll chime in soon. Cheers.


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## FarNorth (Feb 28, 2012)

Athena30 said:


> -created my own way of doing things so it was convenient and easy for me even though technically it isn't the "proper" way of doing it
> 
> -did not have an interest in cooking, cleaning, tasks when I was younger which is when many people learn things, and my mom just gave up and called me lazy and did a lot of things for me




Does your way of doing things get the job done? If so, it shows you are creative. Intelligent people appreciate creativity. People who lack creativity feel the need to conform to rules and regulations, as an ever-present and debilitating crutch.

You didn't have any interest in cooking, cleaning and general household chores when you were younger? First of all, if you're in your mid-20s you are still young. Second, you are still learning. We all are learning stuff till the day we die. Nobody's an expert except maybe at pretending to be an expert.

If you don't like to cook then don't become a chef. I don't like cooking but I have to do it in order to get the food I need for survival. I don't like cleaning but I like having a clean living space. Disinterest does not equal laziness. Did your mother build a house? No? Well, just call her lazy then.


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## Athena30 (Mar 16, 2012)

Snuffy--it's really interesting that you make that point because I was actually shadowing an occupational therapist who mentioned that I may have trouble with that. And what's funny is in my free time I usually turn my music on and dance around my room for awhile but I never thought to incorporating the techniques you mention. I'm really glad you mentioned that. I really have no sense of direction and it's hard for me to even back track to where I came from. 

Do you think a dance class would help me as well? Because lately I've been yearning to take ballet or a jazz class for kicks and maybe an added benefit would be that it could help me with this issue? Thank you Snuffy


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## Nephthys (Mar 20, 2012)

I also think that just because you don't do things the way other people do (especially things like tying your shoes, housekeeping, etc.) -- you may feel weird about it. 

BUT, there are lots of people who do things differently. If you need to fold your shirts with one hand tied behind your back while dancing the hula, and people are rude enough to make comments about it, well to heck with 'em! Maybe THAT'S just how things are done in your house. As long you complete the job and cross it off your list, they should not care HOW you do it.

Seriously... I've felt similarly about other issues. At the end of the day, as long as it gets done, it doesn't have to be perfect. The comment about doing math around people hit home with me -- it used to bother me endlessly but now I just use a calculator, even for simple stuff sometimes, and I make no apologies for it.  Sometimes a self-deprecating but positive joke can help ease your tension in such situations and make others smile, too. IMHO, the trick is to not beat yourself up about what you "can't" do, or have to do differently than other people -- everyone in the world has something about them that's different.

I like the idea of dance classes, though. If nothing else, it would be fun & healthy thing to do -- you'll very likely get a little more confidence out of the deal as well.


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## Snuffy (Oct 5, 2010)

Athena30 said:


> Do you think a dance class would help me as well? Because lately I've been yearning to take ballet or a jazz class for kicks and maybe an added benefit would be that it could help me with this issue? Thank you Snuffy


 You're very welcome, Athena30, and it's great to hear that I wasn't being too "out there", after all.

As for taking actual dance classes - absolutely, go for it! As long as you focus on communication between mind and body and having fun rather than getting concerned over being perfect at it, it's all the same. The fact that this happens to be something you're already interested in is intriguing; it sounds like you're on the right path.


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