# When therapists just stare at you



## MobiusX

I hate when you finish talking, it's their turn to talk, they just smile and stare at you and you are waiting for them to talk back but they don't, I'm paying for the session so this fool better start opening his mouth and let words come out, if you can't come up with what else to say, they should be asking questions or telling you to be more specific what you just said.


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## bakariu

maybe they have SA too


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## Michael127

I don't know that you want to take an aggressive approach to counselling. If the counsellour is not saying anything, just take a pause. I remember early in counselling that I felt like I had to be talking all the time. After awhile, I learned to relax a little more and just let the conversation progress naturally. 

There should definitely be some give and take. The counsellour's job is to build a rapport (trust) with you. If he is not saying anything, then I might start asking questions about his qualifications, previous clients, experience in counselling etc. to get a gauge as to how experienced he/she is. Counselling is a bit of a dance, sometimes.


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## IfWinterEnds

I saw one therapist like this for a short while. He was recommended to me by a therapist I really, really liked & trusted, but who was moving. She told me he was very calm and soft-spoken. He just wasn't much of a conversation starter, the way some people are. Didn't seem to want to dig too far or make me uncomfortable. Some days we had good sessions, but I felt like it depended on me. And I guess it felt like my fault...I would try to psych myself up (ha,, no pun) before seeing him, reminding myself to say what was on my mind, right when it was there, that people like me eventually. 

I left, the main reason being I decided I needed, needed someone who really knew SA/anxiety disorders. It felt like a hard decision, like, was I giving up? I might have also left partially because I found him attractive and didn't want that to cause extra anxiety, or slow down my becoming comfortable or trusting/ become an issue if I ever were to really be comfortable and trusting enough.


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## mike285

I would find that really frustrating. Maybe switch therapists?


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## Rabbitheartedgirl

The first couple of sessions I had with my therapist I found very stressful (it probably didn't help I spoke a different language to him) and even though he was trying, there were many times in our sessions there was a gaping silence and it made me all the more nervous. My eyes wouldn't leave my fidgeting hands.

At first I thought he was trying to 'gauge' me but I soon found he was trying to find pointers. These 'pointers' were often used when I got upset or uncomfortable, which made sessions all the more bearable. I won't say this makes therapy all the more bearable (honestly, I hate it and will only do it for the sake of loved ones) but you should definitely pursue it.


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## Dan iel

My therapist did this but I thought it was just what she was like. It is so unnerving and awkward haha. Stared at me for like 10-15 seconds, basically hinting for more of an answer.


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## Juliet83

I would get a new therapist, honestly that would irk me also. I was going to one for over 2 years but had to stop because my insurance dropped her and I couldn't afford her out of pocket rate. I wish I could keep going to her. She was good at listening to what you said, and responding to it. It was more of a conversation, like talking with a really good friend, not just being stared at. I hope you keep looking, and find one that fits better than this one soon!


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## guss

I think you guys are overanalyzing this. She was probably just waiting to see if you had anything left to say. Therapists want to make you feel comfortable and give you space to rant and say whatever you want to say or what's bothering you.


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## theJdogg

Do you know her theoretical perspective? A more classically trained pschoanylist may take a less active role than you are used to. I'd still recomend a more directional therapist (CBT or some other directed therapy) because i think they work better with SA. Less directional approaches have a place but rarely with us IMO. 
She may also feel you are leaving something important unsaid. Use this tiime to search within yourself. Maybe something will come up. We dont' have many opportunities to be the center of someone's attention for a full 50 minutes a week. At least, I don't.


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## CaliSwaqq2012

bakariu said:


> maybe they have SA too


awwww


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## scribL

MobiusX said:


> I hate when you finish talking, it's their turn to talk, they just smile and stare at you and you are waiting for them to talk back but they don't, I'm paying for the session so this fool better start opening his mouth and let words come out, if you can't come up with what else to say, they should be asking questions or telling you to be more specific what you just said.


In my experience, this situation is a tactic used by therapists to get you more comfortable with situations where you expect the other person to speak, and they don't. I could be wrong, but it definitely has helped me, personally, get better at thinking on my feet in awkward situations.

When your therapist does this, just try to relax, and comment more on what you were previously saying, or bring up something else on your mind.


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## TheWeeknd

WOW I have the same problem, after I'm done explaining something for 5 mins, she just stares at me with a blank face or a smiling face. I'm like......it's your turn to talk/ask questions!!


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## river1

They are analyzing U


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## pita

That used to drive me nuts. I always wanted to be like YOU JUST WASTED $2.67 OF MY TIME!


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I know what you mean. I get so frustrated when both of us aren't talking...it's like, "You're the therapist! You're supposed to get the talk started!"


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## Green Eyes

That also happens in my session sometimes. I think she just want me to keep talking or telling more and say things I want to tell. And to let me have controll in how the session goes. But I feel really uncomfortable when I have said what I wanted to say and don't know more to say. I just want her to say something.
But it can be worse. I have had therapist who kept quiet. And group therapy was even worse. If you wanted to tell something you should say it yourself. And it were mostly your other groupmembers who gave your feedback. The terapist didn't say much and if you ask what he/she thought of it, she/he said let's ask someone of the group. I hated that and I was not the only one.
But the therapist I have now is better than all the therapist I have had together.


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