# So..CBT isn't going so well.



## Dave_The_Dog (Jul 4, 2007)

Hello all, again,

I'm having a bit of a problem at the minute with my cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for my social anxiety. The first couple of weeks were fine, just the usual getting to know my background talks, my family background, etc. I'm sure you know what I mean. I was reasonably happy to keep going partly due to my doctor being hot :yes but seriously, mostly because I want out of this little hell my mind keeps me stuck in. 

Anyway, we moved onto the bit where I have to put myself in situations where I would normally be socially anxious, and I....somewhat stupidly, decided that for the first week I would go to the gym three times. I'd been wanting to go for ages, but couldnt, because of SA, and in my head I'd somehow figured it out that if I do something I thought was extremely terrifying first week, the rest would be easy going....

Well, I did end up actually end up going to the gym that week, infact liked it so much that I signed up for a years membership. :lol It wasnt anywhere as bad as I thought it would have been, no-one was staring at me, no-one was talking about me, everyone was just doing there own thing. Went back to the doctor at the end of that week, and she was very happy that I'd went, and asked me to do the same for the following week. Fine....no problem, I did. 

This week I was given (ok, chose) the task of ringing an old friend to ask them out for a game of pool, or something similar. I thought, this will be no problem, easy. I couldn't do it. It just...I dunno...I felt that I would sound stupid on the phone, or worse, be told no outright. So I put it off, and put it off, and didnt end up doing it. 

Today, I was supposed to go back to the doctors, to talk about how I am doing....and I just couldnt go. I'm not entirely sure why, I KNOW she expects me to not be able to do things, and that I wont find it easy. But after feeling all chuffed with myself the first two weeks of doing things, I just cant think of what I'd say to her. I honestly feel that I will have let her down in some way, and I wouldnt have a clue as to what I'd say to explain myself. In my head, I can just see me going in there, and freezing up, unable to explain what I found hard. 

So...what do I do? I can get another appointment no problem (even though I hate ringing people) but I've no idea what to say to her. In my head, I honestly believe I wouldnt be able to explain myself correctly, and it will sound silly. :hide 

Its like a Catch 22 situation, I'm supposed to be going to the doctor to treat my SA, but now my SA has decided to stop me going to the doctor. 
Any advice anyone?

Sorry this is so long, I have a habit of just typing what comes into my head, and tend to ramble on a bit.


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## CarlM (Mar 24, 2007)

Not much help perhaps, but I can definately relate. I have a hard time explaining how I feel and when I do the therapist never seems to understand just what I mean. Theyre people too though, not mindreaders so I really don't blame them, even though its frustrating. 

I think you should set up another appointment with her, perhaps you can write down what you want to say to her beforehand if you easily forget or your mind goes blank.

Dont forget though; you do not owe her anything, you are not there to make her proud or impress her, she gets the same salary whether you succeed or "fail", and she probably has too many patients to be emotionally involved with every case, youre going there to improve YOUR life, its your time to ask questions and demand the help that you need.


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## insanechub (Jul 2, 2007)

the best thing you could probably do is set up another appointment and tell her everything you just told us. 

I recently walked out of a group therapy session at a partial program in the middle of the day and never returned. The doctors kept calling my house and leaving messages asking what happened and where was I. I felt like I let all of the doctors down and embarrassed myself in front of all of the other patients. I never wanted to go back. I didn't believe I could go back.

That night I couldn't sleep. I kept going over the day. I decided to set my alarm just in case, just to see if I felt like I might be able to go back. I did, and it was the best thing I could have done.

I went to my docs office first thing when I got there and told her everything. I told her why I walked out, I told her about the panic attack followed by feeling like an utter failure. I told her I feared I could never get better. I told her I decided to never come back. Later, in group, I opened up about it to everyone. It was so hard. I stared at my hands and stammered out words while sweating like a dog. I could barely focus enough to get the thoughts out...my mind swam and I felt like I was passing out. F'ing awful, it was. But when it was over, I felt so much better, stronger even. I didn't really start to feel better until much later that day, but I was proud of myself.

I think that if you go in there and tell her what happened and how you feel, it will be a great step for you. I'd even say a bigger step than had you done your homework and met up with that old friend.


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## sh0x (Oct 9, 2006)

Its completely normal for a patient to have a hard time on homework tasks, so not being able to complete one is nothing to be sad/ashamed about. The tasks themselves are supposed to be hard to do, so if you found everything easy, you aren't being assigned the right tasks.


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## gracie07 (Jun 21, 2007)

Your CBT isn't going well? It sounds like it's going great. So you had a set back? So what. You did accomplish your goal of going to the gym!!! You should be proud of yourself because you were avoiding going to the gym previously. 

So what if you had a set back? That either means you have to choose a smaller task or break down this task into smaller parts. 

Also, you are doing this for YOU and not your doctor. Like you said, "you want out of this little hell that your mind keeps you stuck in". 

You have to go back. 

You'll do fine. Your doctor doesn't expect you to be perfect and neither should you. 

Make another appointment with your doctor and explain to her your feelings.


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## social_awkward_butterfly (Feb 17, 2007)

what exactly is this setback you are talking about? Stop making petty excuses and start attending your therapy. Your therapist is an ordinary human being trained in the field of mental illness...nothing more. Don't make them out to be some type of superior being that can crush your soul at will. Attend your therapy and talk over things. She is getting paid good money to listen to you talk and then offer her professional advice on how to overcome your problems. If a therapists gets mad at you for your actions that they disprove of....walk away and get another. Part of their professional conduct is to be calm and reasonable with patients who are having mental and emotional difficulties, and not to berate them or judge them. Go back my friend and continue on to your success you are looking for.


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## Fragmntedsilence (Jul 4, 2007)

Everyone has that happen with their therapist at some point. It sucks to feel like you might be letting her down, but in reality she's only there to help support you. It's hard to go in there and tell her that you couldn't do your assignment b/c you were too afraid, and you feel like she'll be disappointed or mad or something, right? But part of her job is to push you a little to do things you think you can't. 

I think you should call her and tell her you didn't do your assignment, and you were afraid of how she would react so you didn't go to your appointment. It will be okay. Don't give up


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## stadiumrockdwarf (Jul 17, 2007)

Off topic I know but I'd just like to congratulate all the female members who have been posting pics of themselves in avatars lately. More please. Especially you, fragmented 

---dwarfy---


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I can relate. I'm not seeing a doctor, but I've been setting up tasks that I find difficult but possible to accomplish. I just want to echo the comment that little failures are going to happen so long as your tasks are appropriately challenging. If you're failing every single task, the tasks are too hard... But you've done an excellent job already of signing up at the gym! That's something to be proud of!!!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

:agree heartily with Gracie07 and Ardrum.

You are making progress there, sometimes its one forward two back, but that soon improves. Don't worry about your T being cross at you. I used to be very concerned what mine thought of me and I realised this was part and parcel of my approval addiction - the very thing he was trying to help me break! 

A better way to look at it is to realise you are a human, that humans are notoriously imperfect, and that we make mistakes and screw up. Just like in Star Trek though, we aim to learn from them and move on. As Ardrum says, if the tasks are too hard then just tweak them back a notch. Write down what you HAVE achieved (I bet writing the good bits in your post felt good, right?) so that you dont lose sight of it, and then go see your T. You will both end up laughing at the whole thing when you realise that your T is there as your partner, not like a teacher who is grading you. I always aim to be my own therapist, and treat my T as like a trusted advisor and and source of encouragement. That is usually the aim of CBT type therpies, because they want you to be able to face the world alone in 6 or more months. It helps when you've seen them a few times and like and trust them, maybe you havent reached that stage yet. When you do, it will be easier and you will be kinder to yourself.

Well done on all the progress you have made this far. You might also try posting in goals and talk through what you aim to do in your experiments - the chances are there are people here that have done similar things and can help you through with your thoughts before hand.

Have a banana :banana 

Ross

PS I also agree with stadiumrockdwarf - a big Joey-from-friends "how YOU doin?" @ fragmnted :yes


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## Fragmntedsilence (Jul 4, 2007)

*Re: re: So..CBT isn't going so well.*



stadiumrockdwarf said:


> Off topic I know but I'd just like to congratulate all the female members who have been posting pics of themselves in avatars lately. More please.


 lol!


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## korendir (Jul 6, 2007)

Every Winner falls down a thousand times, they only win because they consistently get back up and I don't know anyone who has a setback without first making progress. I'm a "budding" artist and I've been going through CBT for a couple of months now, really hitting the SA as hard as I can from all angles, audio tapes, books, exercise. I quit smoking 8 months ago and have lost 3 stone, even though at 6'4 I never really looked unfit I knew I was. I do feel much better now without drugs or the need for a shrink IMO, but lately I've been feeling like I'm in this void - a kind of chaos without direction, which I can only describe as procrastination or mild depression.

Lately A few nights I'd get Night terrors and I'm a big guy - Nothing scares me, except Social events of course; but I've kept using the "fight fire with water" analogy and getting my coping strategies and affirmations deep down into my brain and u know what? - It works, because in the middle of all that chaos and despair I've made myself feel better, made myself take action and shake off those feelings. We all use negative imagery, that often times vaguely flits across our minds without us even noticing it, but if we can learn to walk through the fire then we can ALL see that it is only an illusion. I don't expect to one day get handed a "your free" medal, but I am knocking down 1 wall at a time.

I'm beating this because I have to not because I want to.


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## gracie07 (Jun 21, 2007)

Hey...Any update? Have you thought about going back again?

The banana wants you to go back. Look he's dancing for you. :banana


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I just want to say congratulations on the progress you did make. One of the things I've been putting off also, is calling old friends. I've been "too busy".....I'm afraid they are "mad at me" for not being in touch sooner.........and I'm fearing rejection. Your therapist has seen setbacks before, I hope you do go back. It's a learning process, be forgiving of yourself.


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## myshell (Apr 17, 2006)

This is an interesting topic. I'm interested how the chap Dave got along. Hopefully didn't allow that hiccup to interfere with his progress.
I was thinking about therapists and what we're like with them. It's like we see them as some School principal, authority figure or parent we are answerable to. That's a good issue to bring up with them for a start! Be grateful it's on the surface. Although they are specialists, we are there for ourselves to become better, that's why we are there in the first instance, not there to make them happy but they will because of the repore they have with us feel happy FOR us when we have successes. I think it would be a perfect opportunity to admit the fear of rejection, not being perfect or disapproval with the very person who has the skills to help us through it.


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## Dave_The_Dog (Jul 4, 2007)

gracie07 said:


> The banana wants you to go back. Look he's dancing for you. :banana


 :lol

Actually, I missed it last week, was too nervous.

But....I did ring and set another appointment up for tomorow. Chewing my fingernails over it at the minute, but I reckon I'll go. I can't say that I've actually done anything towards my goals over the last couple of weeks, but what I have done is jot down things that bothered me so that I at least have something to show.

I think the problem is, in my head, I see the therapist as an authorative figure, am I've got some silly idea that she'll think I'm daft and go in without anything to say. But, given that I've got some stuff down on paper to ask and talk to her about, I feel better about going.

I dunno. In general I've got this fear that if I'm anywhere and theres other people there, and I'm not talking, people will think I'm strange. :con

I'll stick an update down tomorow after work to let you lot know how it went. Obviously, it'll go ok. But my heads just not letting me realise that. :lol


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Good job for writing out some of your thoughts at least. The more you go see your doctor, the more familiar and comfortable it will become. It's nice to have a doctor to help assist and direct your progress as well.

Damn... I'm tempted to see one as well, but I'm going to keep grinding at my books a bit longer and start organizing my journal. 

Keep it up, SA Soldier!


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## myshell (Apr 17, 2006)

Hi Dave
I usually jot down some notes the day before. I keep a journal everyday with how I feel etc. And I also get that fear of being unsure where to start from when I arrive and not knowing how to open but they are specially trained to guide us. They're especially not going to judge social awkwardness. I do this little reminder to myself - if I were going to a medical doctor with a problem, I'd prefer it if my symptoms were fully on show so the doctor knew exactly what the problems were and could help treat me the best possible way. It reminds me and keeps it real for me that this is just another kind of professional helper for my anxiety so it's best they have all the details as well. They know nervousness, self consciousness, embarrassment are part of our problems so there's really no need to hide them I reckon.


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## sca (Aug 12, 2007)

*Re: re: So..CBT isn't going so well.*



Dave_The_Dog said:


> ...nd theres other people there, and I'm not talking, people will think I'm strange. :con
> 
> I'll stick an update down tomorow after work to let you lot know how it went. Obviously, it'll go ok. But my heads just not letting me realise that. :lol


Hey Dave and everyone. This is my first post!

To get to the point, hey Dave, one thing you may want to do if you haven't already is to work with your therapist on a "script" for what to do if you run into the same issue of not wanting to go and see her/him.

One option you should have is to email her. If you are concerned with privacy, you may be able to use an anonymous email address that only she knows.

Also, looking forward to more updates, unless you did it another thread.


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

*Re: re: So..CBT isn't going so well.*



Dave_The_Dog said:


> I'll stick an update down tomorow after work to let you lot know how it went. Obviously, it'll go ok. But my heads just not letting me realise that. :lol


Is there an update? Hope you went to your therapy. Sometimes it is two steps backwards and one step forward. Wishing you success!


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

How did it go? Sometimes I find, it goes fine, and other times I want to curl up and not leave the house. In one sense CBT is a bit like doing it whether it works out or not, and just keeping going whatever. Sometimes just not thinking about it and doing it can help. I can sit around all night worrying, go out and it may not go great, but was not the big deal I thought.
It could be that the steps were slightly too big. It might even be easily resolvable next week. Sometimes I wake up worrying, spend all day moping, post on a forum, worry some more, then the next day week I've moved onto something else!


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

The authority thing is big with us, huh DTD? Try to see your therapist as a collaborator with you. They don't want to be seen as an authority figure either. Just a thought.


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