# EUREKA! I know why girls like jerks!!!



## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

This is why...










PSYCH! =P


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

that makes sense lol. ;D


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

Girls are drama obsessed which is why they love "bad guys" since they are more drama prone than "nice guys."


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Not all jerks are good looking, and not all "nice guys" are ugly.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Maybe everyone wants what they find is hard to get, or cannot have.


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## luceo (Jan 29, 2011)

Oh it's time for this thread again?

Also, surprised that OP is female.


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> so girls want to lay with him. The end.


I loled... :b


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

more threadage wrote in an absolute format *swears repeatedly*.

"*EUREKA! I know why SOME girls like jerks!!!".

*_^^^^*has nothing to do with this*._


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

luceo said:


> Oh it's time for this thread again?
> 
> Also, surprised that OP is female.


My thoughts exactly. :yes


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

Fruit. Battle. Lunch.


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

Just to clarify...personally, I don't like jerks. I hate 'em, even if they're attractive. But it seems like people are always asking why girls like jerks on this forum, so here's the answer!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

> here's the answer!


Not really. Some jerks are butt ugly. Some live in their parent's basement. Some work at McDonalds.


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

I don't care if a guy's hot, if he's a jerk I won't go anywhere near him, same as if he smokes or does drugs.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

luceo said:


> Oh it's time for this thread again?
> 
> Also, surprised that OP is female.


yeah, tbh, it really makes me question my taste in partners. Am I really that bad of a person to be attracted to what people say are jerks? If I'm unsatisfied in a relationship, does it mean I'm dating a jerk? If so, then that means I'm unable to identify what makes someone good or bad in a relationship, therefore placing some blame on myself... simply because I found that person 'attractive.' I mean, not all attractive people are jerks right?


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

im horny right now........


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

sanria22 said:


> yeah, tbh, it really makes me question my taste in partners. Am I really that bad of a person to be attracted to what people say are jerks? If I'm unsatisfied in a relationship, does it mean I'm dating a jerk? If so, then that means I'm unable to identify what makes someone good or bad in a relationship, therefore placing some blame on myself... simply because I found that person 'attractive.' I mean, not all attractive people are jerks right?


Probably, the truth is that it's very hard to find someone who is both attractive and nice. What do you do if the choice is either a sexy jerk or a physically unattractive, nice guy? Or you can be single forever. Either way you are screwed.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

^you mean the mega hot pretty male models? well, of course they will be lady killers so naturally I avoid them.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I didn't mean mega-hot, just attractive enough that you thought ooh-la-la the first time you saw him. I tend to think of relationships as a bit of a power game. The more popular with the opposite sex a person is compared to their partner, the more power they have and the more likely they will act like a jerk (male or female). Plus most people have at least one major defect, whether that's narcissism, anger control issues, severe laziness, the personality of a rock, halitosis, premature ejaculation, a super small penis, etc.. You don't so much choose the characteristics you like, you choose the defects you can tolerate.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

anybody looking to get laid? ;D


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

What about someone who falls in the middle looks wise, has an average job, and an average, nice personality?

Is someone like that going to have to settle, because none of the girls who are chasing the bad boys want to settle?


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

luceo said:


> Oh it's time for this thread again?
> 
> Also, surprised that OP is female.


 That might add to the credibility of this thread.


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Probably, the truth is that it's very hard to find someone who is both attractive and nice. What do you do if the choice is either a sexy jerk or a physically unattractive, nice guy? Or you can be single forever. Either way you are screwed.


 I'm attractive and nice. Would you like my phone number? (Oh, that's right, I'm supposed to ask you for your phone number, aren't I?)


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

I hope this _jerk_ obsession thing that _some_ "girls" have doesn't extend to the "internet" ala _trolls_. It's *painful* just considering it a possibility alone. **************************** I'm *awesome*.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww never!!!! i dnt like


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

hey!!!! im _*sexy *and nice, who wants my_* number?? any takers???? *


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> hey!!!! im _*sexy *and nice, who wants my_* number?? any takers???? *


 oh reallyy..good for u lol

girls finally we have someone really handsome......:teeth


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> hey!!!! im _*sexy *and nice, who wants my_* number?? any takers???? *


gosh you're such an arrogant jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fans self*.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Hiccups said:


> gosh you're such an arrogant jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fans self*.


oooooopppssss sorryyy!!!!

I was just complementing uuuuu


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Hiccups said:


> gosh you're such an arrogant jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *fans self*.


 heyy sweet cheeks.... *blows kiss*


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Hey Sexy ladies  

hows it going?


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> heyy sweet cheeks.... *blows kiss*


U got me wrong ..well nevermind its everyone's problem of getting me wrong!!!!:love

:lol


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

RAJVINDERKAUR said:


> U got me wrong ..well nevermind its everyone's problem of getting me wrong!!!!:love
> 
> :lol


 hey,,:heart,.. cute stuff........... from india


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> hey,,,.. cute stuff........... from india


 thanks!!!!!!!!

hhihiihhii hahhahhaha
u r a cool jerk but u get angry very easily.....!!!!

m really great!!!!!!

thanks for this.......:heart:lol
m taking it away:heart:tiptoe.............!!!!!!!!!!


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> anybody looking to get laid? ;D


Dude. I know you are probably joking but your comments seem to rarely be constructive or even on topic. How old are you....?


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Lo idk.
But I would rather date a hot "jerk" with a personality than an average looking "nice guy" whose boring and lacks a personality.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

luceo said:


> Oh it's time for this thread again?
> 
> Also, surprised that OP is female.


This. I just LOL'ed.

/thread.


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

Not all of us girls are like that. I prefer the more sensitive guys.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Lo idk.
> But I would rather date a hot "jerk" with a personality than an average looking "nice guy" whose boring and lacks a personality.


This is interesting. It just confirms the OP statement. Hot jerks are better than average nice guys.

Doesn't this seem a bit, I don't know, wrong to anyone else?

Also, MissAlyssa, I would like to mention that I think there are plenty of nice guys who have a personality. I don't think you were implying there wasn't but I couldn't tell...


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> This is interesting. It just confirms the OP statement. Hot jerks are better than average nice guys.
> 
> Doesn't this seem a bit, I don't know, wrong to anyone else?
> 
> Also, MissAlyssa, I would like to mention that I think there are plenty of nice guys who have a personality. I don't think you were implying there wasn't but I couldn't tell...


Oh I know there are, they are just harder to find..

Just the typical asshats vs niceguys dilemma.. Stating how I would prefer someone who keeps my interest  and the "jerks" usually have redeeming qualities and are more spontaneous, funny, adventurous, athletic etc. And if they're hot its a bonus for some wild sex. Overall more of a good time, even if it turns out badly in the end.


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

Maybe some girls like bad guys becuse its exciting and theyre so unpredictable and also youd never get bord maybe .............


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

I saw a jerk once. His skin glittered in the sunlight and he was the stuff of myths and legends. There was a line of women stretching down the block waiting for the chance to touch just his hand.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Oh I know there are, they are just harder to find..
> 
> Just the typical asshats vs niceguys dilemma.. Stating how I would prefer someone who keeps my interest  and the "jerks" usually have redeeming qualities and are more spontaneous, funny, adventurous, athletic etc. And if they're hot its a bonus for some wild sex. Overall more of a good time, even if it turns out badly in the end.


Again, I find your post to be really interesting. It seems to be worth the hurt and drama at the end of a relationship to have "some wild sex" with a funny, adventurous, athletic jerk. Even if it means you get treated poorly and things end badly.

Maybe that's my problem - in high school I was a total jerk and didn't have problems with women. Now I'm a more reserved "nice guy" and have been single for the last 2 years. Are you implying perhaps I should go back to being an *******????


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

missalyssa said:


> Lo idk.
> But I would rather date a hot "jerk" with a personality than an average looking "nice guy" whose boring and lacks a personality.





OldSchoolSkater said:


> This is interesting. It just confirms the OP statement. Hot jerks are better than average nice guys.
> 
> Doesn't this seem a bit, I don't know, wrong to anyone else?
> 
> Also, MissAlyssa, I would like to mention that I think there are plenty of nice guys who have a personality. I don't think you were implying there wasn't but I couldn't tell...


By my count, 5 women have posted in this thread that being a jerk basically negates a guys physical charm or outstanding charisma. 3 women have said they would or might be swayed by the guys charm.

This is what gets frustrating about the frequent "woman want...jerks, bad boys" threads or the occasional "men want...supermodels, unrealistically skinny women regardless of their personality" threads. They're true to some extent.

Some people may generally tolerate poor behavior if it comes in a pretty package, and most of us occasionally do this. It does seem a bit "wrong", but I think that's because we prefer to believe that we're not biased like this. I see evidence of it everywhere, though. It's an unpretty aspect of human nature.

I think these discussions get painful for people who don't have dazzling personalities or appearances, and for people who are at least sometimes dazzled (favor people who are ****s), but uncomfortable with that. Some people just don't like what these threads say about human nature.

2 cents from someone whose crap behavior is almost never tolerated and whose rare dazzling days (make that DAY, it was a tuesday) are long gone.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Again, I find your post to be really interesting. It seems to be worth the hurt and drama at the end of a relationship to have "some wild sex" with a funny, adventurous, athletic jerk. Even if it means you get treated poorly and things end badly.
> 
> Maybe that's my problem - in high school I was a total jerk and didn't have problems with women. Now I'm a more reserved "nice guy" and have been single for the last 2 years. Are you implying perhaps I should go back to being an *******????


Nah, but be the rare exception. The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.

And yes, I'd rather sate someone who keeps me interested and excited and have it end badly after a few months than date someone who doesn't do anything new and exciting ever but won't hurt me.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

missalyssa said:


> Nah, but be the rare exception. The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.
> 
> And yes, I'd rather sate someone who keeps me interested and excited and have it end badly after a few months than date someone who doesn't do anything new and exciting ever but won't hurt me.


You know it's kind of like you're on a site for overweight people extolling the virtues of being super fit and toned.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Atticus said:


> You know it's kind of like you're on a site for overweight people extolling the virtues of being super fit and toned.


I dunno man.. I didn't think it was a site for overweight people.... People with social anxiety come in all shapes, sizes, and variations. Maybe I don't have it as bad as some people, but I'm just being truthful :s


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Nah, but be the rare exception. *The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.*
> 
> And yes, I'd rather sate someone who keeps me interested and excited and have it end badly after a few months than date someone who doesn't do anything new and exciting ever but won't hurt me.


Are there any other women that would like to comment on this outlook? Any females that agree or disagree with MissAlyssa?

Also, your list of criteria is quite intimidating even for me (I've worked through some of my SAD, I consider myself a semi-outgoing functioning SAD'er). But for those that are here who aren't athletic, wild, or sexy and are still trying to push through the SAD you are basically telling them that at least you and a lot, not all, but a lot of women would rather date a guy like this who is a jerk rather then a nice down to earth guy who will actually appreciate you - and I honestly just don't see the logic in that.

I really appreciate your honesty though. It does help to understand the decisions some women make. It is just sort of, well, disheartening for an average guy like myself to hear that I'd be passed up for the guido ******* who you are aware may treat you like dirt.

So MissAlyssa, I have one more questions for you regarding this if you don't mind. Do you, or have you, knowingly got involved with a guy who you are aware will probably treat you poorly? As in, have you knowingly dated a guy when you knew the relationship wouldn't last longer than a short while?


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

missalyssa said:


> I dunno man.. I didn't think it was a site for overweight people.... People with social anxiety come in all shapes, sizes, and variations. Maybe I don't have it as bad as some people, but I'm just being truthful :s


It's an analogy, and I think you get that. You're describing qualities that are going to be pretty rare among people on a site designed for people who........drum roll......... generally don't have those qualities. It's the very nature of SA to be less than spontaneous, wild, outgoing, etc. Maybe it's a little insensitive to highlight those things? And maybe not. I'll admit I'm speaking as a lifetime "none of that cool stuff" kind of guy, but then maybe that's why it stings a little to read that, several times. It's not like those qualities are easily achievable for anyone, much less someone who is defined by lacking most of those qualities.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

So if I act like a jerk will that make me hot?? hmmmm:idea


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## BoyWithTheThornInHisSide (Apr 13, 2011)

Reckon I'll get my two cents in before this thread is locked. I think girls prefer jerks because;

1) Gender roles are sort of programmed that way. I'm no evolutionary psychologist (contrary to popular belief), but it makes sense that traditional masculine roles have often been aligned with jerkhood. Over the years, women have learnt to dig jerks. And men have learnt to be jerky in order to attract women. Cycle continues.

2) Confident people are often jerks. And women tend to like confident guys. I don't know why that is. Most men, by contrast, seem to be indifferent to how confident women are. It's the darndest thing.

3) Traditionally, jerks don't have any inhibitions, and they don't care what people think of them. They're free to hit on women in the most ballsy and obscene ways imaginable. Even a 5% success rate for these guys is better than most of us could dream of.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Maybe that's my problem - in high school I was a total jerk and didn't have problems with women. Now I'm a more reserved "nice guy" and have been single for the last 2 years. Are you implying perhaps I should go back to being an *******????


I guess that depends on what kind of relationship you want. Do you want a drama-fest, or do you want a mature, adult relationship.

I think people need to take into account the ages of those who say they'd date a "jerk" if said jerk looked good. Not many women who are over the age of 25 aspire to settle for spending the rest of their life with someone who treats them like crap.

Also, I don't think you can say that your success in high school had to do with being nice vs being a jerk. I think it's easier to meet people in high school in general, as it's an environment where we are in close daily contact with many people. And again, it's probably an age thing. I think people tend to be more forgiving of poor behavior when they are in their late teens/early 20s for several reasons. For one, teenagers tend to love to rebel, and jerks can be seen as rebels. And two, a lot of times at that age people have yet to figure out that they don't have to tolerate crap behavior. It takes time and maturity to realize that they can find someone who is attractive, interesting, and a good person who treats them well.


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## BKrakow (Jul 8, 2010)

omg these threads, I can't even...


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## BoyWithTheThornInHisSide (Apr 13, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Nah, but be the rare exception. The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.
> 
> And yes, I'd rather sate someone who keeps me interested and excited and have it end badly after a few months than date someone who doesn't do anything new and exciting ever but won't hurt me.


Hmm. That's interesting. I've seen lots of seemingly fantastic girls get it together with jerks, and (in most of these cases) the fact that the guy is a jerk seems to be the only factor that sets him apart from the rejected non-jerks. I've known girls who'd rather spend the night on the sofa watching South Park with their ******* boyfriend, than go rock-climbing or swing dancing or whatever with their other friends. I just don't understand it.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

BoyWithTheThornInHisSide said:


> Hmm. That's interesting. I've seen lots of seemingly fantastic girls get it together with jerks, and (in most of these cases) the fact that the guy is a jerk seems to be the only factor that sets him apart from the rejected non-jerks. I've known girls who'd rather spend the night on the sofa watching South Park with their ******* boyfriend, than go rock-climbing or swing dancing or whatever with their other friends. I just don't understand it.


Different strokes for different folks? I don't see why everyone is jumping on one poster in this thread. She's being honest about what she likes, but that doesn't mean that she speaks for every woman everywhere. Plenty of other women in this thread have stated that they don't like jerks. But, as per usual, their posts get ignored. Unless all of you are trying to date missalyssa, I don't see what the point is in making a big deal about her preferences. Just find the women who don't like jerks. They do exist, as the replies here clearly demonstrate.

Also, you mentioned girls siting home watching South Park with their "*******" boyfriends. It's interesting to me how people here seem to assume that just b/c they view the boyfriend as an *******, then that is what he is. Maybe he's an ******* to people he doesn't know, and treats her like a queen. Or maybe he's not really an ******* at all. Maybe you just perceive him as such. And maybe she just likes watching South Park.

One thing I've noticed is that the whole "her boyfriend is an *******" assumption usually tends to be based simply in jealousy. The guy who isn't with her thinks her boyfriend is a jerk just b/c he got the girl. Often times there is nothing more tangible to point to the guy actually being an *******. (not saying that's the case with the guys you were talking about BoyWithTheThornInHisSide, just making a general observation)

In any case, it's all relative. There is a woman that I work with who 50% of my coworkers think is a jerk, and the other 50% think is the sweetest person ever. So who's right? Sometimes people just get along better with certain people over others. They may seem like a jerk to those whom they don't get along with. But that doesn't mean that they are universally.

I think people should worry more about their own lives rather than the relationships/preferences of others which don't even specifically affect them.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

au Lait said:


> I guess that depends on what kind of relationship you want. Do you want a drama-fest, or do you want a mature, adult relationship.
> 
> I think people need to take into account the ages of those who say they'd date a "jerk" if said jerk looked good. Not many women who are over the age of 25 aspire to settle for spending the rest of their life with someone who treats them like crap.
> 
> Also, I don't think you can say that your success in high school had to do with being nice vs being a jerk. I think it's easier to meet people in high school in general, as it's an environment where we are in close daily contact with many people. And again, it's probably an age thing. I think people tend to be more forgiving of poor behavior when they are in their late teens/early 20s for several reasons. For one, teenagers tend to love to rebel, and jerks can be seen as rebels. And two, a lot of times at that age people have yet to figure out that they don't have to tolerate crap behavior. It takes time and maturity to realize that they can find someone who is attractive, interesting, and a good person who treats them well.


What she said.

You have to think about what kind of girl wants someone like that. I don't envy anyone's relationship based upon that. They are almost bound to fail or have very tough times.

All relationships in life take a give and take. Usually when there is an unbalance there almost always is a problem. And people think it may be a lt of work but it isn't. It is actually a natural thing to want to be respected and give respect. A lot of the times those who can't make that adjustment and are too extreme are those who struggle with the issue and they suffer in ways because of it.

The kind of girl who goes for an ******* is the exact opposite of what most people want. Everyone thinks they want someone to adore them but there is an undercurrent of something wrong with someone like that who enjoys abuse of that kind. A woman or man who is so insecure with themselves that they have to belittle others to feel better isn't strong but weak. There are those who do it for the enjoyment but of course we are talking about extreme cases. I do not look at a woman or a man and see "attraction" when I see that demeanor and attitude. I see what most people see: *******. That is not attractive at least for me.

In the end, if it's a battle of who's "stronger" or more confident, someone who is a jerk does not always equate to be more confident in life. It is usually the opposite. This is why a lot of rapper's messages piss me off because it teaches this crap and makes kids heads explode with BS. On the other extreme is religious freak who are so conservative in their views they restrict people unnaturally, but that is a whole other story...

Case in point: guys, your not _NOT_ getting girls because your too nice. Your most likely not getting girls because your either not t/looking trying hard enough or you haven't met the right person. But don't think because you try your gonna always get what you want. That is naive. Save yourself the hassle and don't embarrass yourself and waste your time being an ******* to impress immature girls.


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

I guess I don't understand the whole "attracted to jerks" scenario. 

I just don't see how somebody with a bad personality could ever be attractive? Guys who are arrogant, think they're all amazing, treat girls however they want are probably the least attractive kind of men to me.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

That's bollocks.

I had a friend a few years ago, as an heterosexual male, I can say the guy was very good looking - he would've been most likely my type physically speaking if I were a woman. He attracted women like a magnet but was more reserved - he stayed a virgin until age 20.

But he was the nicest guy around and wouldn't let anybody step on him at the same time. He didn't treat woman like thrash at all.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

The only reason women are attracted to jerks is because they get the impression they can get any girl they want, when they want. Which is not necessarily true.

Thus, being _that special girl_ he "chose" over dozens of other girls, whether they are real or not (they wouldn't know for sure) makes them feel special and unique.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Are there any other women that would like to comment on this outlook? Any females that agree or disagree with MissAlyssa?
> 
> Also, your list of criteria is quite intimidating even for me (I've worked through some of my SAD, I consider myself a semi-outgoing functioning SAD'er). But for those that are here who aren't athletic, wild, or sexy and are still trying to push through the SAD you are basically telling them that at least you and a lot, not all, but a lot of women would rather date a guy like this who is a jerk rather then a nice down to earth guy who will actually appreciate you - and I honestly just don't see the logic in that.


I like attractive and someone who isn't too straight/rigid but I could care less about confident, outgoing, athletic, wild, spontaneous, etc. Those kinds of guys are hard to control and have too many friends.


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## baseballdude (May 23, 2010)

This thread again?!? Seriously...


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> And yes, I'd rather sate someone who keeps me interested and excited and have it end badly after a few months than date someone who doesn't do anything new and exciting ever but won't hurt me.


I found it shocking that you would actually take a hot jerk over an average looking good guy, but that's alright.

But now.. that's just ****ed up. How the hell could you *WANT* men to hurt you?

I don't know what you look like, but even if you were Scarlett Johansson's identical twin, I wouldn't touch you with a ten feet pole. That's disgusting behavior.


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Dude. I know you are probably joking but your comments seem to rarely be constructive or even on topic. How old are you....?


U jelly bro?

and Kennie your posts in this thread are epic. Just thought id let you know haha.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

_this is what happens when people make absolute statements, it's almost like trolling. Think about how you word your threads when you make them as they can be taken the wrong way. NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME VIEWS ON TOPICS LIKE THIS.... and stating absolutes like this is only provoking people. nonsense. common sense._


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Not all girls like jerks. I HATE jerks. That's unattractive. I would never in my life have a crush on a guy who is a jerk. I do not believe in the saying "nice guys finish last." I like nice guys because I believe that they would treat any girl with respect.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Atticus said:


> It's an analogy, and I think you get that. You're describing qualities that are going to be pretty rare among people on a site designed for people who........drum roll......... generally don't have those qualities. It's the very nature of SA to be less than spontaneous, wild, outgoing, etc. Maybe it's a little insensitive to highlight those things? And maybe not. I'll admit I'm speaking as a lifetime "none of that cool stuff" kind of guy, but then maybe that's why it stings a little to read that, several times. It's not like those qualities are easily achievable for anyone, much less someone who is defined by lacking most of those qualities.


Just curious...Why does her view bother you? Its her problem when she gets her heart ripped out by a guy that probally never truly cared for her anyway. She knows this, but gravitates towards this type of guy anyway. Who cares what happens to her? She can reap her own whirlwind, and I will be here on the relationships board to read her post of heartbreak with a bag of popcorn. They get what they deserve.

BTW, I wasnt talking about missalysa in particular, I was speaking in regards to women who go for the bad boy type.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

opcorn


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> It's because jerks are usually jerks because they're HOT and they know it, so they're all cocky and self-absorbed and feel entitled and bla bla bla. Think about it... So, no matter that the guy is a total douche; he's fiiiine, so girls want to lay with him. The end.


sounds logical. I see it all the time:yes


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

missalyssa said:


> Nah, but be the rare exception. The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.


Bond. James.... Bond.​


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

I worked it out mathematically. You're correct. :b

Law of Attraction of Female to Jerk Male


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

jsgt said:


> Just curious...Why does her view bother you? Its her problem when she gets her heart ripped out by a guy that probally never truly cared for her anyway. She knows this, but gravitates towards this type of guy anyway. Who cares what happens to her? She can reap her own whirlwind, and I will be here on the relationships board to read her post of heartbreak with a bag of popcorn. They get what they deserve.
> 
> BTW, I wasnt talking about missalysa in particular, I was speaking in regards to women who go for the bad boy type.


I think I make it clear that the man she describes is pretty much a younger version of the "most interesting man in the world" from the Dos Equis Beer ads. I don't begrudge her those preferences and I certainly don't expect her to suffer or have a thinly veiled wish that she "pay" for those preferences. I do find it insesitive to blithely list those qualities in a thread that will draw in insecure men on a site where many of the men and women are insecure.

Hence my earlier analogy. On a site supporting people with weight or body image issues, you'd expect those issues to be treated sensitively. On a site supporting people who have social anxiety, which often involves irrational fears that people will dislike or dismiss you, you'd expect sensitivity to those issues.

It's a logic thing informed by my emotional reaction.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Ah, I see what you meant. Yeah, it seemed as though she was bragging a bit, but she was honest so kudos to her for that. May be the wrong place for it though, but I dont think she was trying to hurt anyones feelings.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Does it seem like everything men want, is simple and wrong, and everything women want, is complex and right?


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

rdrr said:


> Does it seem like everything men want, is simple and wrong, and everything women want, is complex and right?


There was a thread about this not too long ago. One memorable post mentioned how men are portrayed on TV(which is a big influence on people). Married With Children, Everybody Loves Raymond, ect... How are Al and Raymond made out to be? Dumb, clumsy, clueless, ect... Now how about the women? They have to put up with their low intelligence husbands, have all the answers, and smell like roses. The men smell of body odor.

Nice, isnt it? (sarcasm)


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

Metal_Heart said:


> I guess I don't understand the whole "attracted to jerks" scenario.
> 
> I just don't see how somebody with a bad personality could ever be attractive? Guys who are arrogant, think they're all amazing, treat girls however they want are probably the least attractive kind of men to me.




1. The 'jerk' is exciting.

2. The 'jerk' is interesting and usually has something going on. 

3. The 'jerk' doesn't show that his self worth depends on a significant other (though if there is a breakup, he may be vindictive, spiteful, etc because in reality his ego is just as bad as the 'nice guy' aka insecure guy. 

4. The 'jerk' doesn't let his world revolve around a girl. 

What a lot of guys don't realize is that in between the nice guy and the jerk, there's the 'good guy' who has traits of both and is the big gun; aka the guy who has his own stuff going on, is assertive, and unlike the jerk, is kind when it's deserved and actually has REAL self esteem.  

In other words, there's a grey area. These guys in the middle are the ones who generally have a heck of a lot of ambition, have complete control over their emotions, and are a rarity. ​


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I like attractive and someone who isn't too straight/rigid but I could care less about confident, outgoing, athletic, wild, spontaneous, etc. Those kinds of guys are hard to control and have too many friends.


Why do you want a guy that you can control and that doesn't have many friends? :sus​


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yes, MrMongrel.

But how does one become the middle man, when he has social anxiety?


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## Wolves In Suits (Jul 19, 2011)

TPower said:


> I found it shocking that you would actually take a hot jerk over an average looking good guy, but that's alright.
> 
> But now.. that's just ****ed up. How the hell could you *WANT* men to hurt you?
> 
> I don't know what you look like, but *even if you were Scarlett Johansson's identical twin, I wouldn't touch you with a ten feet pole*. That's disgusting behavior.


From the sound of it, she wouldn't want you to anyway...


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Yes, MrMongrel.
> 
> But how does one become the middle man, when he has social anxiety?


Well, it took me a lot of time to focus on that direction but what really hit me in the head was some tough love advice from a friend.

I was the nice guy for a while, the jerk for a while and had jealousy, envy, anger, and hostility brewing in me non stop.

It took a lot of tough love from a friend of mine that really was a big catalyst, but eventually I came to realize that my biggest enemy was myself; ie the lack of power that I had over my own emotions, and the reactions that came with it.

I also realized that life was too short to concern myself with worry over things that were beyond my control and that my destiny had to be made my own and forged in the way that I wanted it to, and after I broke that pattern, and started being positive in my reactions, it was weird but I started becoming more and more optimistic by nature. 
​


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

jsgt said:


> There was a thread about this not too long ago. One memorable post mentioned how men are portrayed on TV(which is a big influence on people). Married With Children, Everybody Loves Raymond, ect... How are Al and Raymond made out to be? Dumb, clumsy, clueless, ect... Now how about the women? They have to put up with their low intelligence husbands, have all the answers, and smell like roses. The men smell of body odor.


On the contrary, I could argue that men like large breasts, which not all women possess, and that they require a girl to have BMI of at most 19-20 (i.e. skinny) of which not all women are, also that their ideal woman is a 9/10 which is pretty high standard considering not many people are 9/10. I mean, preferences go both ways. Simple? maybe, maybe not.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Not me. I HATE guys like that.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

o.o
Hey dudes, sorry I didn't mean to be offensive with my posts. Its just me, not all women. I guess what I'm trying to convey the most is that most guys who are "jerks" are confident, have self-esteem and have great self image and many interests. You can be a non-jerk and be this way too, and that's how you'll get girls. I understand that part is sometimes difficult given social anxiety, but that's something to work toward, and by doing activities and having a sense of adventure it helps to relieve anxiety and build confidence.

Myself and probably some other women want to feel like "the girl" in the relationship and have a guy who plans stuff and acts masculine ie/ not oversensitive or insecure, and does manly things like drinking beer, hunting, and playing contact sports. But he doesn't have to be MEAN! Its just the guys that have womanizing personalities are often seen first as masculine and thus attractive.

And yeah, I've dated a guy who I thought was hot, but fun and everything I mentioned... But had a history of playing girls. Silly me thought well, maybe he will start off wanting me for my ***, but then learn how cool and wickid of a personality I have, and ill tame him and he will want only me and we will do awesome stuff together! It didn't work, after a month, he stopped responding to my calls and texts and made himself scarce. I cried but got over it. I have a good bf now.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

missalyssa said:


> Myself and probably some other women want to feel like "the girl" in the relationship and have a guy who plans stuff and acts masculine [...], and *does manly things like drinking beer*, [...]


I hope it's not light beer. Cause if it is that would probably be the second unmanly thing he did that day.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

au Lait said:


> I saw a jerk once. His skin glittered in the sunlight and he was the stuff of myths and legends. There was a line of women stretching down the block waiting for the chance to touch just his hand.


One of a crapload of rock stars we've had since the 50s?


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## Lyrical Lonely (Oct 5, 2011)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> It's because jerks are usually jerks because they're HOT and they know it, so they're all cocky and self-absorbed and feel entitled and bla bla bla. Think about it... So, no matter that the guy is a total douche; he's fiiiine, so girls want to lay with him. The end.


All girls like jerks?

Well.....that's news to me....and I'm a girl....


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

au Lait said:


> I saw a jerk once. His skin glittered in the sunlight and he was the stuff of myths and legends. There was a line of women stretching down the block waiting for the chance to touch just his hand.


You mean the vampire from Twilight?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

heroin said:


> One of a crapload of rock stars we've had since the 50s?


Hey! Don't be dissing David Bowie, he's cool! :teeth


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Just Tony said:


> U jelly bro?
> 
> and Kennie your posts in this thread are epic. Just thought id let you know haha.


Jealous of what exactly? Kennie constantly adding nothign to the conversation? Constantly making comments about being horny and trying to find women to hook up with but only "joking' about it so it is ok? It is just annoying and I don't find it constructive at all.

EDIT: I'm sorry I didn't realize you were only sixteen. I'll let this slide as I know you are still in the phase where everything like that is still funny and you can't tell the difference between appropriate and inappropriate comments.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

OldSchool, you are being way too literal about things. 

Clearly Kennie was trying to detract from the subject matter, which was a gender war. If you'd rather have men and women posters on here fighting one another...well, that's your prerogative.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> OldSchool, you are being way too literal about things.
> 
> Clearly Kennie was trying to detract from the subject matter, which was a gender war. If you'd rather have men and women posters on here fighting one another...well, that's your prerogative.


I don't get it. Every thread seems to be a gender war to some people - or it tends to become one even if it didn't start out that way.

I really think most people here put too much time and energy into thinking about relationships and take everything far too seriously that is written here. Why does it always be a gender war rather than a discussion??

We shouldn't need Kennie or anything to "detract from the subject matter." If we aren't all able to have adult conversations about these types of things then I don't think there should even be a section for posts on relationships.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> I don't get it. Every thread seems to be a gender war to some people - or it tends to become one even if it didn't start out that way.
> 
> I really think most people here put too much time and energy into thinking about relationships and take everything far too seriously that is written here. Why does it always be a gender war rather than a discussion??
> 
> We shouldn't need Kennie or anything to "detract from the subject matter." If we aren't all able to have adult conversations about these types of things then I don't think there should even be a section for posts on relationships.


I agree with you, and your posts. But if there is no Relationships section, that will cut down the amount of posts and users by 50%.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

rdrr said:


> I agree with you, and your posts. But if there is no Relationships section, that will cut down the amount of posts and users by 50%.


And, in my opinion, that would be a good thing. I am sure that would eliminate 50% of people - the 50% of people who come here to complain that no woman/man will ever want them and that it isn't fair. The same 50% of people who add nothing to any other conversation but decide that even though they have no relationship experience they are able to give advice to others - or just encourage the "yeah shes a ho, **** that *****" mentality and responses.

I'm not saying it's all men - I've seen women do similar things as well - but still, I think it would eliminate a lot of problems and then everyone who is left could focus on things like, oh I don't know, RECOVERY perhaps???


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I kind of agree. From experience, a lot of the really hot guys do tend to be pretty conceited and they use their cocky-ness to impress women even more...Not saying that shy guys are never hot, but their lack of confidence detracts from their overall appeal and "game" so to speak.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I think this is true in some cases.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Is this a troll thread? It seems to have worked.


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

MrMongrel said:


> 1. The 'jerk' is exciting.
> 
> 2. The 'jerk' is interesting and usually has something going on.
> 
> ...


For me, the jerk is never exciting, never interesting.
I know guys like this, I'm friends with guys like this... and nothing will ever attract me to guys like this. I don't find anything exciting or interesting about a person who brags about their sexual conquests, who has strings of one night stands, who brags about going to strip clubs, who treats women like crap, who cheats on their girlfriends etc. etc. 
None of the "jerk guys" qualities are interesting, they're sad.. and petty.. and immature. Nothing turns me _off _quicker.

Btw, Nobody has _complete_ control over their emotions.


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

Metal_Heart said:


> Btw, Nobody has _complete_ control over their emotions.



Okay, so you caught me in a semantic-slip-up there 

Nobody has complete control over their emotions, but perhaps the REACTION to their emotion and the ability to silence them in their head to accomplish the task at hand, OR alternatively use the emotion as a catalyst to beat the obstacles that lay ahead... Tends to be a rather optimistic viewpoint.

I've heard a really good quote regarding this: Your world is 99% your reaction to it or perception of it.  
:yes
​


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Metal_Heart said:


> For me, the jerk is never exciting, never interesting.
> I know guys like this, I'm friends with guys like this... and nothing will ever attract me to guys like this. I don't find anything exciting or interesting about a person who brags about their sexual conquests, who has strings of one night stands, who brags about going to strip clubs, who treats women like crap, who cheats on their girlfriends etc. etc.
> None of the "jerk guys" qualities are interesting, they're sad.. and petty.. and immature. Nothing turns me _off _quicker.
> 
> Btw, Nobody has _complete_ control over their emotions.


It would be more awesome if there was more girls like yourself.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

I think people should just stop having sex and sexual thoughts. It would solve all of this grade 5 non-sense.

and just for jokes while I'm thinking about it:


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Well, on average, people with social anxiety have trouble forming relationships. 

But I don't come here just for this section. I actually stay out of this section mostly, because I see the same old tired threads.

I left a certain board full of bitter posters for this very reason. All they do is complain...and then call me a dreamer when I say they can reach for the stars. Screw that!


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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Jealous of what exactly? Kennie constantly adding nothign to the conversation? Constantly making comments about being horny and trying to find women to hook up with but only "joking' about it so it is ok? It is just annoying and I don't find it constructive at all.
> 
> EDIT: I'm sorry I didn't realize you were only sixteen. I'll let this slide as I know you are still in the phase where everything like that is still funny and you can't tell the difference between appropriate and inappropriate comments.


Sorry bout what lol. Your insulting Kennie not me. "Let this slide" huh.. Well ill let that slide.

Yes his comments were very inapproriate. The only reason its funny["epic"] cause guys like you get pissed off.

Hes not harming anyone sir. And I understand that you have the right to say whatever you want but come on now. If you have nothing to good to say dont say it. Course you probably already knew that. Its okay we all have bitter days. "Ill let this slide" [:


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## Man Is An Island (Oct 12, 2009)

I consider a jerk to be any guy in a relationship other than me.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Cease the negative energy.... Brothers and Sisters we are all friends here although we hate or like some more than others.


:squeeze"Peace and Love":heart




:group:drunk







:love


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Kennnie said:


> anybody looking to get laid? ;D


......btw i wasnt kidding about the getting laid part.

...we can be friends afterwords. :yes


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Study suggesting that jerkiness leads to a successful mating strategy for men

Awaiting lock in 3... 2... 1...


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## Fireflies (Sep 3, 2011)

It's because "jerks" are often very self-confident and women like that. It's a form of power and that's an aphrodisiac. Nice guys can also carry themselves with confidence, of course.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yeah, well that wasn't anything new.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

I decided to think long and hard about in what scenario would I find a male jerk attractive, and the answer turns out to be "if he's in his late teens, and as long as I don't have to interact with him directly." The jerk behavior also has to be authentic, not just an act in attempt to get girls, and it's more acceptable if he's not aware that he's being a jerk and if no one gets seriously hurt in the process. And actually, "attractive" probably is the wrong word, since I don't so much want to be with him as I want to pat him on the head and wonder what could've gone wrong in his life that made him do those things. Note that he also can't take pride in being a jerk, because if that's the case then I'd want to smack him instead of feeling sorry for him. There's something about undeserved confidence that really pisses me off.

So in sum, the only way I'd be attracted to a jerk is if he's not a jerk at all.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Fireflies said:


> It's because "jerks" are often very self-confident and women like that. It's a form of power and that's an aphrodisiac. Nice guys can also carry themselves with confidence, of course.


BS.

A lot of jerks are alcohol or drug addicts. And some of them try to pick up fights all the time to try and prove their masculinity.

Confidence, my ***.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)




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## Just Tony (Oct 4, 2010)

Hiccups said:


>


I lol'ed.


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## scum (Jun 30, 2011)

Man Is An Island said:


> I consider a jerk to be any guy in a relationship other than me.


:clap



Fireflies said:


> It's because "jerks" are often very self-confident and women like that. *It's a form of power and that's an aphrodisiac*. Nice guys can also carry themselves with confidence, of course.


confidence isn't everything blah blah....it appears to be one of the most important aphrodisiacs in deference to power, so i'm ****ed.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

Hiccups said:


>


This made me lol so hard :rofl


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## ThisGuy (Jul 13, 2010)

missalyssa said:


> Nah, but be the rare exception. The guy who is confident, outgoing, athletic, spontaneous, funny, wild, sexy, romantic, almost over-the-top without getting too carried away and arrogant and hurt girls.


I agree with you, but how many guys do you know who are like that?


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

oh dude ur thread rocks..


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## StarDude (May 29, 2011)

Kennnie said:


> im horny right now........











Not sure what to think of this...


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Just Tony said:


> Sorry bout what lol. Your insulting Kennie not me. "Let this slide" huh.. Well ill let that slide.
> 
> Yes his comments were very inapproriate. The only reason its funny["epic"] cause guys like you get pissed off.
> 
> Hes not harming anyone sir. And I understand that you have the right to say whatever you want but come on now.* If you have nothing to good to say dont say it.* Course you probably already knew that. Its okay we all have bitter days. "Ill let this slide" [:


This is what I was trying to explain to Kenny. I found that his comments weren't necessary or even funny. I'm not bitter, I just don't understand why he needed to "detract" from the current topic - it does not make sense to me why we can't discuss these types of things without someone getting upset or going off topic - ie "I'm horny." I just did not find it to be constructive in any way so I stated that.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

ahhhhhhh ****!!!!!!!!!!! **** is going down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)




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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> This is what I was trying to explain to Kenny. I found that his comments weren't necessary or even funny. I'm not bitter, I just don't understand why he needed to "detract" from the current topic - it does not make sense to me why we can't discuss these types of things without someone getting upset or going off topic - ie "I'm horny." I just did not find it to be constructive in any way so I stated that.


trolooololool calm down peace and love brother


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Hiccups said:


>


loollollololololollollolloool xD! <3


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## BoyWithTheThornInHisSide (Apr 13, 2011)

au Lait said:


> I don't see why everyone is jumping on one poster in this thread. She's being honest about what she likes, but that doesn't mean that she speaks for every woman everywhere. Plenty of other women in this thread have stated that they don't like jerks. But, as per usual, their posts get ignored.


 
I just thought that the poster's (interesting) point (about jerks being generally more interesting people) was, in my experience, flawed. I certainly didn't feel like I was taking part in "jumping on" anyone when I replied to her post.




au Lait said:


> Also, you mentioned girls siting home watching South Park with their "*******" boyfriends. It's interesting to me how people here seem to assume that just b/c they view the boyfriend as an *******, then that is what he is. Maybe he's an ******* to people he doesn't know, and treats her like a queen. Or maybe he's not really an ******* at all. Maybe you just perceive him as such. And maybe she just likes watching South Park.


 
I was just using South Park as an example of something mundane and ephemeral (I don't particularly like South Park). My point was; lots of girls I've known with jerk boyfriends don't have particularly interesting boyfriends, which is what the poster was saying.




au Lait said:


> One thing I've noticed is that the whole "her boyfriend is an *******" assumption usually tends to be based simply in jealousy. The guy who isn't with her thinks her boyfriend is a jerk just b/c he got the girl. Often times there is nothing more tangible to point to the guy actually being an *******.


 
I think, in a lot of cases, it's based on a mixture of jealousy and complete disbelief. Many men (including, I'm sorry to say, myself) have seen the same process repeat itself again and again; non-jerky girl inexplicably prefers jerky guy to non-jerky guy. What's going on there? Why does that keep happening? I'm sure there are lots of non-jerky guys who prefer jerky girls, but that kind of quasi-masochism seems to be an overwhelmingly female trait.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I find it offensive that you've associated people who view South Park with jerks. If watching South Park made me attractive to the ladies, then perhaps I would have had a girlfriend by now?

Anyway, this thread is full of stereotypes, once again, a gender war. Not every guy is a jerk because a girl says he is. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who think I'm a jerk, nice guy, or have no opinion on me at all...and hey, I've never had a girlfriend.

Plus, most people are multidimensional. There's no "all nice" or "all jerk." People tend to be a bit of both, women included.


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## GPU (Nov 5, 2011)

Hmmmm... ugly guys and females are jerks too. IOW, none HOT. There is more to it...


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## scum (Jun 30, 2011)

Hiccups said:


> Maybe it's not the jerk aspect they're attracted to but the sense of excitement, confidence and spontaneity. All of which don't define the word "jerk" but only associated with it in this circumstance. Perhaps the jerk part is merely taking the bad with the good.


how is this not completely obvious? doesn't it broadly describe the crux of the argument as accurately as possible? the jerk "label" is a secondary issue. temporality, as the monetary time, is very much dependent upon how people feel in one another's company, and characteristics that are brought forth in the moment must maintain the naturally desired sentiments of each given individual. boring, indifferent, lame, humourless etc. need extreme compensations in the persona under whatever circumstances to be overcome. most people with SAD have written themselves off to begin with, for the most part, the effects of which are not going to go over very well, or amount to anything much. so and so has "SAD", but they may not necessarily exhibit very noticeable, detrimental symptoms in general; it's just a label then, same for "jerks". however, mislabeling to whatever degree is nonrepresentational and indifferent to the actual issue, what does _*this *_particular person actually bring to the table?


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Hiccups said:


> Maybe it's not the jerk aspect they're attracted to but the sense of excitement, confidence and spontaneity. All of which don't define the word "jerk" but only associated with it in this circumstance. Perhaps the jerk part is merely taking the bad with the good.


I think that's most often the case, Hiccups. Given the nature of this site, though, wouldn't you expect it to attract a significant number of men who are not or at least don't feel exciting, confident, or spontaneous? I think you're surprised or disappointed that people, most often men here, struggle with this. Feeling that one doesn't meet expectations is no excuse for insulting people with those expectations, but as someone who can't seem to be any of those things you mentioned, or who can't believe he's any of those things, the sense of failing to be "enough" is painful and frustrating.



au Lait said:


> .......One thing I've noticed is that the whole "her boyfriend is an *******" assumption usually tends to be based simply in jealousy. The guy who isn't with her thinks her boyfriend is a jerk just b/c he got the girl. Often times there is nothing more tangible to point to the guy actually being an *******. (not saying that's the case with the guys you were talking about BoyWithTheThornInHisSide, just making a general observation).........
> 
> I think people should worry more about their own lives rather than the relationships/preferences of others which don't even specifically affect them.


And au Lait, I totally agree that jealousy or envy may be a motivating factor in this. That doesn't diminish the pain felt by someone who feels socially marginalized by his personality, though. Envy has been a lifelong burden for me, but if I put it down today, I'd still be on the outside looking in, I'd still feel like a stranger, just with less subjective suffering. And that has value, so if you know where the "turn off envy" button is, please let me know .

Regarding your point about people worrying more about their own lives, I know in my case and I suspect that for others that's great advice, but again, hard to do. A hallmark of my "issues" is a keen ability to notice evidence that I'm not valuable. When someone expresses a preference for qualities I don't possess, it's deafening. It's also part of a chorus screaming the same message about what I should be.

I don't claim that the chorus isn't screaming expectations at women which are just as hard for many women to achieve, or to feel secure about. The cultural expectations that men "do" and women "be" suck for everyone except the few who can "do" or "be" in the ways our culture expects. But then doing and being are their own traps, I suppose.

My point in quoting you two is that both of you strike me as bright and observant, and as such I think you might see my point. That's not a rhetorical trap. If you think I'm full of crap that doesn't mean I then think you're not bright or observant :yes. I'm not trying to excuse bad behavior, and I'm not trying to convince you to view this issue differently. I guess I'm just looking to be understood.

I'm also struck by the irony of asking (see "weakness") to be understood. Would a jerk care :b?


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Did anyone think that jerks can be boring too?


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Atticus said:


> And au Lait, I totally agree that jealousy or envy may be a motivating factor in this. That doesn't diminish the pain felt by someone who feels socially marginalized by his personality, though. Envy has been a lifelong burden for me, but if I put it down today, I'd still be on the outside looking in, I'd still feel like a stranger, just with less subjective suffering. And that has value, so if you know where the "turn off envy" button is, please let me know .


I guess this concept is a bit foreign to me, because I have always just accepted the fact that I will not be universally attractive to everyone. There will always be people who find us attractive and people who don't. I don't get upset when I don't fall into someone elses' range of preference. I don't see the point. :stu

Feelings of jealousy are normal and human, but I think there are more constructive ways of dealing with it than becoming resentful towards others. I don't think feeling marginalized is an excuse to marginalize another group. In this case women, by stripping them of their humanity and claiming they all want the same thing ((not directed towards you, but those who claim all women want jerks)).

I think it's better to accept that everyone is different, that there will be some people who find us attractive and some who do not, rather than lash out at those who have what we want or don't want us.



Atticus said:


> A hallmark of my "issues" is a keen ability to notice evidence that I'm not valuable. When someone expresses a preference for qualities I don't possess, it's deafening. It's also part of a chorus screaming the same message about what I should be.


I think that's a normal form of insecurity. It's a shame that you don't see yourself as valuable. I think you've consistently proven yourself to be a valuable member of this community, with a strong voice of reason. :yes


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## BoyWithTheThornInHisSide (Apr 13, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I find it offensive that you've associated people who view South Park with jerks. If watching South Park made me attractive to the ladies, then perhaps I would have had a girlfriend by now?


Oh Jesus, that's not what I was saying! I was using South Park as an example of something everyday and commonplace; the type of programme you end up watching by default, because you're flicking through the channels and there's nothing else on. Okay, it was a bad example, but... chill out.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

somebody needs to hand out a few chill pills out in this here thread.


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

These threads are stupid. They're just reinforcing your beliefs about things that you don't have the courage to confront. What if there is someone out there for you? You wouldn't know, cuz you're too busy being bitter and whining about it all. There are jerks out there and there are people that are selfish. That doesn't mean everyone is or that you need to make concessions. 

Alright? Alright. Carry on.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Y'all are talking like _bad boys_ were all outgoing and fun guys partying and doing wild stuff all the time.

Truth is, many of them are losers on welfare playing Xbox and smoking weed all day long. But those pathetic beings can still get more p*ssy than your typical nice guy.


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## TMI (Nov 17, 2011)

I like jerks because they're confident. To someone who's unsure of herself, there is nothing sexier.
Confident girls like jerks because jerks don't fawn over them, which makes them interesting.
Plus jerks get what they want, and we all want to be wanted. so being with a jerk = wanted (but probably not respected or loved)


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

People who beat up women or try to pick up fights with guys around for stupid reasons are definitely NOT confident.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

TPower said:


> Y'all are talking like _bad boys_ were all outgoing and fun guys partying and doing wild stuff all the time.
> 
> Truth is, many of them are losers on welfare playing Xbox and smoking weed all day long. But those pathetic beings can still get more p*ssy than your typical nice guy.


I think a big problem for a lot of men here, perhaps myself included, is that we think this way. A guy who sits around smoking weed all day and playing xbox should definitely not intimidate any of the men on here, as we all have more to offer women than to watch us smoke and play video games, am I right? Even if it is just the attention and sincerity we are able to give that would be more than just xbox and weed.

Also, the huge focus on "getting *****" will probably hurt you more than help you. If you are dealing with women over the age of 18 or 19 you can bet they can tell within a few minutes whether or not you are genuine or if you just want to sleep with them. Anyone ever think maybe that is why a lot of men on this board get shut down? Women can sense either the desperation or desire for sex and they stop talking or aren't interested anymore because that's all they can tell the guy wants.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Let's stop being hypocrites, we all want sex. 99,9% of men on this planet want sex from women.

And I don't believe women can tell if you only want sex or more. Actually, a lot of them complain about ending up with players who seemed "nice" at first.

Also.. ironically, cocky b*stards who flirt who dozens of women at the same time clearly send the vibe that they only want to get laid.. but it actually works from their POV.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)




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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

TPower said:


> Let's stop being hypocrites, we all want sex. 99,9% of men on this planet want sex from women.
> 
> And I don't believe women can tell if you only want sex or more. Actually, a lot of them complain about ending up with players who seemed "nice" at first.
> 
> Also.. ironically, cocky b*stards who flirt who dozens of women at the same time clearly send the vibe that they only want to get laid.. but it actually works from their POV.


Yes, instinctively we all want sex (for the most part). Part of being an adult is understandind and accepting that but not allowing it to be the main drive for talking with women. If you only want to talk to women in order to have sex with them than I think you are doing yourself, and most men, a huge disservice. Perhaps more men on this site should focus on getting to know a woman, learning about a relationship and the give and take that goes with it, and the part about needing to be confident with themselves before getting involved with a relationship before focusing all their energy on sleeping with women.

It blows me away how many men on this site that think as soon as they get laid all their problems will fade away. Let me tell you something guys, sometimes sleeping with a woman will cause you more heartache, more issues, more confusion than not sleeping with them.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

TPower said:


> People who beat up women or try to pick up fights with guys around for stupid reasons are definitely NOT confident.


I'm not sure where this is coming from? Or the point you are trying to make? We were talking about men who treat women poorly. Physical abuse is an entirely different story.

And yes, I would agree these men are not confident.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

So treating people (including women) like crap = confidence?

I don't know where this jerk = confident trash comes from.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

trolololoololoololllmfao


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

Why do guys like that girl? She's so dumb!!!

Nice *** and titties that's why.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I'm a girl and I don't like jerks, but I guess generalizing people is a lot easier than actually thinking about the subject.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

mcmuffinme said:


> I'm a girl and I don't like jerks, but I guess generalizing people is a lot easier than actually thinking about the subject.


niiice

+1

B)


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

TPower said:


> So treating people (including women) like crap = confidence?
> 
> I don't know where this jerk = confident trash comes from.


Confidence = confident of getting someone else if she doesn't want to = don't need to be nice or give a lot of attention to her because you can always get someone else = independent of her = treating her like she is replaceable = jerky behaviour.

Women love it.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

> I'm a girl and I don't like jerks, but I guess generalizing people is a lot easier than actually thinking about the subject.


I think that about sums up the issue. Why do all people like peanut butter? Eh, not all people do. :sus

Personally the type of female who would prefer jerks is probably not the type I'd like to waste my time with(even though I have a lot of time to waste) so it bothers me not a whit if they feel like moving swiftly along when I fail to display such attitude.

In anycase I think grown up women do not mistake arrogance for confidence and go for a jerk(goddamit I want to use expletives instead of that word but these stupid forum rules) because he is sure of himself. Only immature girls and probably rather masocistic, insecure types do.


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

I'd like to add that a lot of women who fall for "jerks" do so without knowing that they are jerks until later. Many women are attracted to someone who seems like a 'nice guy', sweet, etc. but then later turns into an a-hole (is that ok to say on this board?) while they're in a serious relationship.

I've also heard of people avoiding those who are overly nice because they are afraid that they're sort of too good to be true, and will end up as another abusive and/or rude jerk later.


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## StarDude (May 29, 2011)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> It's because jerks are usually jerks because they're HOT and they know it, so they're all cocky and self-absorbed and feel entitled and bla bla bla. Think about it... So, no matter that the guy is a total douche; he's fiiiine, so girls want to lay with him. The end.


 I think thats why a good guy can't act like a jerk because a guy thats not hot that acts like a jerk is an a**hole to girls, and not the good kind.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Are there any other women that would like to comment on this outlook? Any females that agree or disagree with MissAlyssa?
> 
> Also, your list of criteria is quite intimidating even for me (I've worked through some of my SAD, I consider myself a semi-outgoing functioning SAD'er). But for those that are here who aren't athletic, wild, or sexy and are still trying to push through the SAD you are basically telling them that at least you and a lot, not all, but a lot of women would rather date a guy like this who is a jerk rather then a nice down to earth guy who will actually appreciate you - and I honestly just don't see the logic in that.
> 
> ...


Did someone say something about sweeping generalizations?


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

Phoenix Rising said:


> I'd like to add that a lot of women who fall for "jerks" do so without knowing that they are jerks until later. Many women are attracted to someone who seems like a 'nice guy', sweet, etc. but then later turns into an a-hole (is that ok to say on this board?) while they're in a serious relationship.
> 
> I've also heard of people avoiding those who are overly nice because they are afraid that they're sort of too good to be true, and will end up as another abusive and/or rude jerk later.


This is a really good point. Can you ever really know someone completely? Probably not. What a frightening notion.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

I'm still offended by the guido stereotype/insult.


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

falling down said:


> I'm still offended by the guido stereotype/insult.


Did someone call you a guido? Guidos exist, you know. They're a strange cultural phenomenon; there's even a show about them. Their lifestyle is utterly...befuddling. I, for one, don't understand it at all. Not that I really care too much.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Did someone call you a guido? Guidos exist, you know. They're a strange cultural phenomenon; there's even a show about them. Their lifestyle is utterly...befuddling. I, for one, don't understand it at all. Not that I really care too much.


You are offending italian males everywhere with that kind of stereotype.


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

falling down said:


> You are offending italian males everywhere with that kind of stereotype.


Are you kidding me? It's not a stereotype! There are many Italian men who ARE guidos, meaning the look and behave a certain way. Am I saying that all Italians are guidos? Of course not! I'm sure that the majority of Italians are NOT guidos. But the fact is, some people gel up their hair, work out a lot, get drunk a lot, and have orange skin. You can't deny that. They live on the Jersey shore, go check it out.

And I'm not saying that being a guido is necessarily a bad thing. However, a lot people find the guido lifestyle hilarious and are prone to making fun of it.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> Are you kidding me? It's not a stereotype! There are many Italian men who ARE guidos, meaning the look and behave a certain way. Am I saying that all Italians are guidos? Of course not! I'm sure that the majority of Italians are NOT guidos. But the fact is, some people gel up their hair, work out a lot, get drunk a lot, and have orange skin. You can't deny that. They live on the Jersey shore, go check it out.
> 
> And I'm not saying that being a guido is necessarily a bad thing. However, a lot people find the guido lifestyle hilarious and are prone to making fun of it.


_*Guido*_ (English pronunciation: /ˈɡwiːdoʊ/) is a slang term for a lower-class or working-class urban Italian-American. The guido stereotype is multi-faceted. Originally, it was used as a demeaning term for Italian-Americans in general. More recently, it has come to refer to Italians who conduct themselves as thugs with an overtly macho attitude.[1] The time period in which it obtained the latter meaning is not clear, but some sources date it to the 1970s or 1980s.[2][3][4]

The word "guido" is derived from either the Italian proper name "Guido" or the Italian verb "guidare" (to drive). Many fishermen of Italian descent were once called "Guidos" during the medieval time period. [5] At least one researcher has theorized that it may have developed as an insult among Italian-Americans applied to new immigrants.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Jenikyula gone mad said:


> I'm sure that the majority of Italians are NOT guidos. But the fact is, some people gel up their hair, work out a lot, get drunk a lot, and have orange skin. You can't deny that. They live on the Jersey shore, go check it out.
> 
> And I'm not saying that being a guido is necessarily a bad thing. However, a lot people find the guido lifestyle hilarious and are prone to making fun of it.


They do not live here! They vacation here!  The easily noticeable, obnoxious types tend to live in north Jersey, Staten Island, Long Island, Connecticut, somewhere in the 5 boroughs, etc. I'd say northern New Jersey, and even interior central Jersey (even my Monmouth County) are home to the most "guidos", if you want to go out and label people (it's too complex of a thing for me to use that word, although I don't find it offensive). I'd say a bare minimum live here. Sometimes people from north NJ and NY move here in their later years.

Anyway, I would debate you on your picture of a guido. The spray tans were more of a collection of internet images that were passed around, but I never see them in real life. They were funny, indeed! I have posted them on SAS many times. The hair gel - maybe. Nowadays having your head shaved seems to be just as common. Also, many of them are not Italian, or at least fully Italian. It's really more of a cultural phenomenon, or certain personal traits in white people, that stands out to people that live in quiet little beach towns. You just don't have as many white guys around here that wear track pants/athletic gear, blast dance music, drive a Mustang/Challenger/modern slick looking muscle car. You start to see that once you hit Long Branch and maybe Keyport or something, but they are largely a product of more urban and diverse areas up north.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

After seeing the guy who was giving away a Kindle in that one thread, I think this one was gonna be a free vacuum cleaner.


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## MrMongrel (Oct 21, 2011)

heroin said:


> *Confidence =* confident of getting someone else if she doesn't want to = don't need to be nice or give a lot of attention to her because you can always get someone else* = independent of her = *treating her like she is replaceable *= jerky behaviour.*
> 
> Women love it.


Hmm. Maybe I'm just confused here, but what exactly is so 'jerky' about looking out for your own interests and not being blatantly insecure thereby placing someone on a pedestal above you?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

MrMongrel said:


> Hmm. Maybe I'm just confused here, but what exactly is so 'jerky' about looking out for your own interests and not being blatantly insecure thereby placing someone on a pedestal above you?


Generally, selfishness and treating people like they're replaceable counts as jerky behaviour.

But if your moral compass points a different way, I guess you can conclude that there's nothing wrong with it.


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## intelligentsensory (Dec 19, 2011)

well females like tall dark and handsome guys... whic the majority are jerks because they are tall dark and handsome... IOW, they can get a lot of many females. females also like, whom i like to call, ace ventura pet detective, funny guys. they like these funny jerk guys. others like the strong silent type and shy guys, but they are at the bottom of the barrel. well, in a social anxiety forum, they are at the top for da ladies ...lol.


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## iBlaze (Nov 1, 2011)

Females like the following things.

-Someone they're attracted to.
-Someone who will listen to their emotional problems.
-Someone that takes charge, and has a spine.
-Someone who believes in himself, and shows it through how he acts.
-Someone who proves that he's more badass than any guy out there.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Women don't give a rat's *** about confidence or initiative. 

They want a popular guy. And by popular, I don't necessarily mean famous and/or rich. I mean a guy who has lots of friends and people around him who like him and respect him.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Probably, the truth is that it's very hard to find someone who is both attractive and nice. What do you do if the choice is either a sexy jerk or a physically unattractive, nice guy? Or you can be single forever. Either way you are screwed.


 How many sexy old people have you ever seen? No matter how attractive the guy is when you find him, he's not going to stay that way for very long. If you live long enough and you stay together, you will both be spending probably at least 20 years with a person you don't find the slightest bit attractive.

Physical attraction is undeniably important. But a lot of people have their standards set so high they are only going to have a very limited number of people to choose from. Especially if you're looking for someone to spend your life with. I don't think my dad and mom have really found one another attractive since 1980.


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