# Any guys afraid to flirt because they feel like a creep?



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Since I have been putting myself out there and taking more social risks lately, I'm finding that I have a lot more issues and insecurities than I realized. I'm having a hard time initiating/reciprocating flirting because I can't stop worrying that I am coming off as creepy or stalkerish. I keep quickly drawing the conclusion that I messed up and did something wrong so I back off. I feel like I am being a weirdo if I show interest in a girl. What to do about it?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This happens to nearly every guy. The way you get over it is you do it anyway pretty much. You're not really "creepy" unless you do stalkerish stuff like following a girl around for 5 minutes in the grocery store not approaching or staring at a girl and not approaching, etc. You simply do it.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I'm afraid to even look at girls because of this. I've been working on doing more eye contact lately, but I still don't have the nerve to attempt to talk to a girl.


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## ak3891 (May 15, 2012)

Firstly congratulate yourself for taking a rism, seriously say "I'm proud of myself". Putting yourself out their already seperates you from the 8/10 guys who don't approach.

Interns of thinking negative thoughts when approaching girls can stop you from making a move. This happens to me to, I start thinking I'll act in the right moment. 

3 things you can do to improve:
1) try and try again. Your new to this so your obviously going to be nervous
2) "talk first, think later" doesn't matter what you say you'll say it with out thinking and are much less likely to stumble 
3) after a rejection or during an approach think that you just complimented a girl out of your own time to notice her, she has to appreciate you


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## NeveS (Sep 3, 2011)

I know that feel bro. I feel the same way when I try to talk to girls I'm interested in. I don't know what to do about it either. Maybe study up body language? Look for signals, whether she seems intrested or uncomfortable. It's better than assuming.


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## ak3891 (May 15, 2012)

NeveS said:


> I know that feel bro. I feel the same way when I try to talk to girls I'm interested in. I don't know what to do about it either. Maybe study up body language?


I really think theres not much point of doing research after research. To get better at something you keep practicing. When you fail, get back up.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Ape in space said:


> I'm afraid to even look at girls because of this. I've been working on doing more eye contact lately, but I still don't have the nerve to attempt to talk to a girl.


Yeppers.


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## NeveS (Sep 3, 2011)

ak3891 said:


> I really think theres not much point of doing research after research. To get better at something you keep practicing. When you fail, get back up.


Asking others for help is research in itself.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I think many are.

I worry more about being shot down by them, cause it is pretty disheartening when it happens.

Women also enjoy flirting so even if they flirt back it may not be a good sign. I know there was several I flirted with and they gave off all the signs.... But when it came down to making more moves they said I had got it wrong n they only liked me as a friend


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

only read OP. why do you have to rationalise a behaviour you obviously find unnatural and unappealing?

my answer is simply, don't do it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

michael1 said:


> only read OP. why do you have to rationalise a behaviour you obviously find unnatural and unappealing?
> 
> my answer is simply, don't do it.


Don't do what? Flirt with girls?


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

There's ways of flirting without being creepy


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Don't do what? Flirt with girls?


don't act in a way that feels wrong


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

michael1 said:


> don't act in a way that feels wrong


It shouldn't feel wrong...that's the problem...


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

You can get some good tips on youtube about flirting and what not to do. It might help alittle.


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## ShadyGFX (Jul 18, 2012)

Hell yes I feel like a creep. I feel like a creep talking to anyone but even more when I'm talking to girls.


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

I can give you one tip... Don't stare at their chest


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

I don't feel like a creep, but there are things that I have done that people have determined creepy, but I did it to help...

Like if I have an insane capacity for memory and you've told me your class schedule, and your extra-curriculars, and then complained that you don't have enough time... How is concatenating them into a schedule which shows all your free time creepy? It took time for me to do so you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed! Appreciate it for what it is! :|

And so I've adopted the mantra (because apparently I can't see the line between creepy and caring) 'I'm creepy because I care.'


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I know how to not be creepy, I just feel like I am being creepy and I don't know how to not feel that way.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I also feel like girls won't like me if I show that I like them. This comes from my personal experiences.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

If she doesn't say anything, then nothing is wrong.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

I don't like to compliment girls too much because I don't want to be seen as shallow.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

arnie said:


> I don't like to compliment girls too much because I don't want to be seen as shallow.


See, I kind of fear this. Like I don't want to come off like it's all I'm considering or care about. Don't want to sound one-note.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

As Lacie said there's ways of flirting without being creepy (aka indirect approach). It's really effective, but for most guys, that's advanced sh*t. You just need to desensitize the creep feeling by becoming a full on creep. Lacie's tip, "Don't stare at their chest", is exactly what you should be doing, blatantly. Say something like, "I literally cannot help but keep staring at your boobs". It's not creepy if you're cool about it. You're just being honest. Honesty is real. Real is genuine. Genuine is attractive. Obviously you need to have a real conversation, but adding that directness makes a world of difference.


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## anti-socialsocialite (May 1, 2011)

So what if a percentage of the girls you encounter find you creepy? Fine. Keep on creeping then, because eventually if you're direct then girls are going to respect you for it. The numbers game is always in your favor.


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

I'd feel a creep trying to flirt now, unless I was getting strong signals beforehand that she was interested. Even then I'd probably still get all anxious and rush past her without saying anything.:roll


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> As Lacie said there's ways of flirting without being creepy (aka indirect approach). It's really effective, but for most guys, that's advanced sh*t. You just need to desensitize the creep feeling by becoming a full on creep. Lacie's tip, "Don't stare at their chest", is exactly what you should be doing, blatantly. Say something like, "I literally cannot help but keep staring at your boobs". It's not creepy if you're cool about it. You're just being honest. Honesty is real. Real is genuine. Genuine is attractive. Obviously you need to have a real conversation, but adding that directness makes a world of difference.


Lmao If someone said that to me I'd walk off.


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## lkkxm (Apr 11, 2012)

Ape in space said:


> I'm afraid to even look at girls because of this. I've been working on doing more eye contact lately, but I still don't have the nerve to attempt to talk to a girl.


Yessssssss! And yes to the OP.... I'm the same way.


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## GoodTurtle (Jun 24, 2012)

Don't tell her about her boobs, not good.

Something I actually said to a woman, which came from my own little pea brain. "You have such a pretty face, I haven't noticed what the rest of you looks like, I can't get past your face." She loved it!

Edit: BTW, this is often true for me. I really am a “face man.”


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## mrneonshuffle (Jul 13, 2012)

i don't think flirting really works unless there is a little bit of familiarity with each other first. but that's just me, if people are happy just walking up to someone and saying they like them and it works for them, fair play to them. but for me i have to chat a little bit to someone first and if it goes well flirting just happens naturally from there.


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

I would feel like a clown. I can't even carry a normal conversation with girls.


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## Evo (Jan 1, 2012)

This is why I never talk to girls.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

StevenGlansberg said:


> It shouldn't feel wrong...that's the problem...


Not necessarily. Just because something feels wrong doesn't always mean it is wrong. You have to be realistic. Is a guy who flirts with women wrong? No. You also have to ask yourself what is effective because you can wink at a girl all day long but if nothing is happening then you need to do something else. Best way is to be direct with your intentions and either get a number or set a date. Flirting happens naturally if there is chemistry. If you want to flirt naturally then just start talking to a lots of girls and you'll see it happen eventually. Most of what we fear is coming from a sense of lack of confidence.


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## Thinkerbell (Jul 8, 2012)

Well I know absolutely nothing about flirting. And majority of guys creep me out.
But I'll tell you something an aquaintance once said. She said a guy can't be cute AND creepy. If the guy's cute she would not perceive him as a creep.

So I guess it depends on if she finds you attractive. I guess you just have to assume she does? Welp that's all I've got.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Thinkerbell said:


> Well I know absolutely nothing about flirting. And majority of guys creep me out.
> But I'll tell you something an aquaintance once said. She said a guy can't be cute AND creepy. If the guy's cute she would not perceive him as a creep.
> 
> So I guess it depends on if she finds you attractive. I guess you just have to assume she does? Welp that's all I've got.


A lot of girls seem to find me attractive, but I don't understand what they see in me? I feel like I look gross.


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> A lot of girls seem to find me attractive, but I don't understand what they see in me? I feel like I look gross.


BDD?


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

mynameislacie said:


> BDD?


I think so. I don't like taking my shirt off, and I work out until I feel like I'm gonna be sick.


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I think so. I don't like taking my shirt off, and I work out until I feel like I'm gonna be sick.


I had never even heard of it until I got on this forum


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

mynameislacie said:


> I had never even heard of it until I got on this forum


Same.


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

I've pretty much felt this way my whole life, and I feel like everyone is out of my league.


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

everything i like to talk about or say is creepy. also, the creepy facial expression si make when saying creepy stuff kind of kills the mood.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've felt the same way all my life. I would see a cute girl and think there are a bunch of guys better looking than myself so I wouldn't even talk to her. The ones that I did talk to in high school always laughed at me.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

joinmartin said:


> So you'd see a cute girl, think there are bunch of guys better looking than yourself so you wouldn't even talk to her?
> 
> And the ones that you did talk to in high school always laughed at you.
> 
> ...


I've been feeling a lot of negative emotions this last week. These last couple days have really tested me. Interestingly enough, it pushes me to go farther and try harder. You're right, what else are you gonna do with the feelings you have? Nothing? Are we supposed to not take action because of something that happened in the past?


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

NeveS said:


> I know that feel bro. I feel the same way when I try to talk to girls I'm interested in. I don't know what to do about it either. Maybe study up body language? Look for signals, whether she seems intrested or uncomfortable. It's better than assuming.


Honestly don't. You will torture yourself. I know a lot about body language and it only adds to my already excessive analysing and anxiety.


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## Slumpy (Aug 15, 2012)

If you feel like a creep while socializing, you will come off as a creep. It's literally this simple.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> So you'd see a cute girl, think there are bunch of guys better looking than yourself so you wouldn't even talk to her?
> 
> And the ones that you did talk to in high school always laughed at you.
> 
> ...


I have always thought that they laughed at me because I was so much younger looking than my age. I showed my mother a picture from high school and I asked her how old did she think I was. She said that I looked like I was about 9 or 10 years old but in reality I was actually 15 years old.

I've always had a problem thinking that I'm not good looking. The last time that a girl said that I was cute was when I was 13 and then we had to move away. At the new school is where I would be laughed at all the time. It seemed like before high school I would have a couple of girls tell me I was cute but in high school I was never told that.

I've also thought that they wouldn't be interested because I've never made much money. Now I'm unemployed and in my mind I think that there is no way any woman would be interested.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

I sometimes feel that way. There's a fine line between flirtiness and creepiness


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

every time I see them looking at me, I have a feeling that they look at me as though I'm a bum or something... that's why I don't approach them... I have a sense they all hate me...


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

ManOfFewWords said:


> You just need to desensitize the creep feeling by becoming a full on creep.


I think there is a modicum of truth to this.


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## GroupHug (Jan 27, 2012)

I've felt weirded out when girls try and flirt with me, I just don't know how to react. I feel like it'd make me a disingenuous slimy horndog if I returned the favor. I guess I just don't know how to flirt at all, I'm a pretty straightforward person as it is and "games" aren't fun to me.

I suppose that's a big reason why I'm single :teeth.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Flirting is exciting.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I kind of have this thing going with this girl irl, but I don't know how to push it to the next level. Whenever I try to push things past the initial attraction stage, the girl will get sufficiently creeped out by me. I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong? A girl can like me and be giving me all the signs, but as soon as I open my mouth to talk to her she backs away and avoids me like I have the plague. I don't know if it's because I'm more shy than they are used to, or if I am being genuinely creepy?


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Yep. That's definitely one of the main reasons why I avoid flirting (the other major one being, of course, anxiety).


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Because of the way I look, I am automatically a creep for asking out a girl, so yeah I don't even try, usually.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I feel like a creep because I'm always attracted women in their 20's to 30. I am too nervous to ask any of them out.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

ravens said:


> I feel like a creep because I'm always attracted women in their 20's to 30. I am too nervous to ask any of them out.


That isn't creepy. Every man, until he is elderly, and even then, is attracted to those women.

Now if you were to say 14 year olds, I'd have to wonder about you...


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> That isn't creepy. Every man, until he is elderly, and even then, is attracted to those women.
> 
> Now if you were to say 14 year olds, I'd have to wonder about you...


I don't know if creep is the right word. I guess in my mind she would probably want to date someone her own age. I've always looked younger than my age. My hair has been receding the last few years and I keep it cut short because it looks terrible when it gets long.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've just got so many thoughts in my mind about myself. Thoughts like I don't have a job so she wouldn't want me. Thoughts like I've never been in a relationship so that will probably seem weird. Just the thought of asking someone out or looking at an attractive woman makes my heart race and I get a sick feeling in my stomach.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Bottom Line: She'll think you're creepy if you think you're creepy.


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## Rhinoman1 (Aug 4, 2012)

It wasn't so long ago that "creeper" and "stalker" were vocab to be associated with a serial killer...how it ended up in daily vernacular for as simple as having a crush, or liking someone, and or giving them a compliment I'll never know. Women have taken flirtation and turned it into sexual harassment, which has made all of us men wary on some level that anything we say to you could be taken out if context. It is sad that today's society does not embrace some the old values of the past, where you could call a woman sweetheart as a term of endearment and it not be dragged into derogatory politically correct mayhem. And it's like a death warrant after 30+ because you are labeled instantly a creeper when you flirt with any girl in her 20's..even if you look and feel like you are younger yourself. Nonetheless, I think it is quite healthy to flirt and if you think someone has a good quality you should compliment them as well...because in most likelihood they are insecure as most people are, and a unexpected compliment may just make their day. I try to make at least one person laugh a day even when I can even muster a smile myself...it is contagious.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Rhinoman1 said:


> It wasn't so long ago that "creeper" and "stalker" were vocab to be associated with a serial killer...how it ended up in daily vernacular for as simple as having a crush, or liking someone, and or giving them a compliment I'll never know. Women have taken flirtation and turned it into sexual harassment, which has made all of us men wary on some level that anything we say to you could be taken out if context. It is sad that today's society does not embrace some the old values of the past, where you could call a woman sweetheart as a term of endearment and it not be dragged into derogatory politically correct mayhem. And it's like a death warrant after 30+ because you are labeled instantly a creeper when you flirt with any girl in her 20's..even if you look and feel like you are younger yourself. Nonetheless, I think it is quite healthy to flirt and if you think someone has a good quality you should compliment them as well...because in most likelihood they are insecure as most people are, and a unexpected compliment may just make their day. I try to make at least one person laugh a day even when I can even muster a smile myself...it is contagious.


I call girls sweetheart sometimes. It's unusual for someone my age to do that, but whatever, I'm not usual. But I know what you mean, everything us guys do is considered sexual harassment.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I can flirt after knowing them for awhile. 

I can't do it on first contact, that's why I could never do well at bars or clubs.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

joinmartin said:


> So you'd see a cute girl, think there are bunch of guys better looking than yourself so you wouldn't even talk to her?
> 
> And the ones that you did talk to in high school always laughed at you.
> 
> ...


Even at 37, part of me wonders if people really have grown up. Some have, but too many haven't. I have been through things that people twice my age don't even face and I am practically going at it by myself. I just don't have patience for immaturity anymore.

This Prince William lookalike (actually I am seven years older) is quite a catch, but I am not out there to show it. I am a lot closer than I was, though.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Honestly I think it's about how you look more than anything. Hot guys can stare and stalk all they want, and no girl would ever call them creepy.

You should avoid complimenting women too, or being kind in any way. That's _creepy_. I've learned from personal experience that if you ever say a single nice remark towards a girl, you're instantaneously deemed a creep.


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## Evo (Jan 1, 2012)

Blawnka said:


> I've pretty much felt this way my whole life, and I feel like everyone is out of my league.


Same with me. :|


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## Lil Sebastian (Feb 26, 2012)

With me it's half this and half when I do talk to a girl, I can never tell if she's flirting or just being friendly so I tend to be very slow in making a move. So slow it never happens. No doubt there's actually been at least one or two I've been interested in over the years who were actually interested in me but thought I didnt like them because I'd do nothing haha


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

I'm OK with flirting. I can do it once I get to know a girl. 

I feel like a total creep approching women or trying to strike up a conversation. Even if she kind of hints that she wants me to talk to her. I choke everytime.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

ShyFX said:


> I'm OK with flirting. I can do it once I get to know a girl.
> 
> I feel like a total creep approching women or trying to strike up a conversation. Even if she kind of hints that she wants me to talk to her. I choke everytime.


I can always think of really good ideas to pick up on girls, but when the time comes to do it, I choke up and my voice gets all shaky and I screw everything up. It's starting to feel like an impossible task. It sucks because I feel like I'm being teased, after the initial attraction a girl will lose interest in me really fast, and will actually try to distance herself from me, like I'm diseased or something.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm also too afraid to flirt because I feel like I will come off as some kind of creepy stalker that would scare anyone away. Plus I have no idea how to flirt.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I know how to flirt, and I have successfully flirted.

The issue is that it's usually girls that are "just having a bit of fun", and usually aren't interested, or are already in committed relationships.

And then I'm like, hey, I'm not going to be the other guy...so I back off. But it is true that the only women that ever show interest in me anymore are already taken. I don't want to do that to another guy.

All I want is one girl, all to myself, to call my own. Maybe that is old fashioned, in these feminist times, but honestly, I don't get pride from being the other guy.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> I can always think of really good ideas to pick up on girls, but when the time comes to do it, I choke up and my voice gets all shaky and I screw everything up. It's starting to feel like an impossible task. It sucks because I feel like I'm being teased, after the initial attraction a girl will lose interest in me really fast, and will actually try to distance herself from me, like I'm diseased or something.


I know what you mean. In theory you should get better with practice but it's hard to keep trying. When a girl loses interest and tries to distance herself it just make you feel even more creepy. It's a ****ty feeling.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

Yeah I can relate to this... In fact every time I flirt with a girl I can tell how uncomfortable it makes them so I've stopped trying


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

I wouldn't say I'm afraid, but it's I feel it's not even worth it. I'm tired, every dude in the world could have every woman in the world as far as I'm concerned. You though, you do the only thing that you can show interest, forget about the "creeper" bulls&it that women like to throw at someone their not "attracted" to.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> That isn't creepy. Every man, until he is elderly, and even then, is attracted to those women.


You can't speak for all men. Believe it or not there are many men who actually are attracted to women who are in the same age range as them.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

One way to get over it is to simply not do it anymore, but I guess that doesn't really help your prospects does it. Well, I've pretty much given up anyhow. I've come to the conclusion that most women find me repulsive so I don't really bother much lately. Not that I bothered much in the past, but anywho...


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## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

if you are afraid of being a creep you are not.

creeps dont realize how creepy they are.


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