# I have no friends & no communication skills



## conqueror2000 (Apr 10, 2015)

Ever since I was a kid, I have tried to make others like me by constantly talking to them or trying to be around them. In high school I constantly talkd talked talked....about useless things, drama, & flirted. 

I am somewhat retarted & have no communication skills, so I am very repetitive...since I have nothing to ever talk about.

In high school/middle school I focused on trying to get girls to like me as a friend & shunned most of the guys...as weird as it sounds, it's true. ..I am not "what society percieves " a typical guy. I care nothing about guy things such as cars,hunting,camping,never smoked, I never drank & never will, no tattoos..in high school I did not care for sports. The only thing I may have had in common with guys is that I watched wrestling; but was too ashamed to mention wrestling becaused I feared that it would make me look bad(I don't even know if anyone I went to school with even watched it).

I care about feelings, family, gardening...

In person & facebook(& before when I had myspace) I have created(inadvertently) a reputation of being "emotional" "creepy" "immature" "rude" & inconsiderate of others feelings/personal space,a"flirt" & even stalkerish. 

I do have internet addiction. I spend hours sitting at the computer; sitting on facebook while no one ever talks to me, looking at random things, sports...etc. before internet, I was addicted to the tv. 

I have been told in the past that I try too hard.

I "like" specific peoples statuses,pics...etc a lot. sometimes I think, "ok I need to stop" trhen I see a post & think well...they may feel bad that I didn't "like" it...as if what they posted did not matter to me. 

In high school(which also carried over to online) I favored/liked specific people..I was always creating drama about how no one likes me & whenever I felt offended I was verbally hurt someones feelings :/ 

On facebook I randomly post "Hi" "how are you" "what are you doing", a lot(wow, writing that made it feel even creepier to me than I thought it was...smh)

no one ever talks to me, I feel so worthless. I have ongoing intrusive thoughts in my head all the time, assumptions about others, how things could be, should be,what I should say/post next...


My 10 year high school reunion is soon & I want to make a good impression on a room full of people who in high school & facebook( up to now) are disgusted or feel dread when seeing me. The thing is, none of these people ever saw me outside of school functions, so its like "here is the creepy weird guy. 

Yet...in senior year I was voted most memorable. People were nice to me but mostly ignored me, some were mean...whenever I pushed them too far, so I brought it upon myself.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

conqueror2000 said:


> Ever since I was a kid, I have tried to make others like me by constantly talking to them or trying to be around them. In high school I constantly talkd talked talked....about useless things, drama, & flirted.
> 
> I am somewhat retarted & have no communication skills, so I am very repetitive...since I have nothing to ever talk about.
> 
> ...


how old are you? like 28? screw high school. move on. get off facebook. lift some weights. go hike in nature. when you described how you spend hours on the internet, i imagined a creepy dude hunched over stalking people on facebook for hours. not a cool image man.


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## conqueror2000 (Apr 10, 2015)

fallingdownonmyface said:


> how old are you? like 28? screw high school. move on. get off facebook. lift some weights. go hike in nature. when you described how you spend hours on the internet, i imagined a creepy dude hunched over stalking people on facebook for hours. not a cool image man.


I have been working out & staying offline a good bit this week, hopefully I will feel different soon. I agree, not a cool image, I do need to work on not checking facebook too much. I rarely post because I have nothing to post about, I think it's silly for people to post their every move for others to see..

I did however plant a garden yesterday & posted pictures of that.


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## soanx (Apr 12, 2015)

If you have the internet connection, put it to a better use than facebook. You can find a plenty of good resources on communictaion and social skills. If you apply them in real life, you can come out of your shell.

HEre are a few to get you started.

http://likeyouknowitall.com/ten-handy-skills-to-gain-the-edge-in-your-social-life/

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/co...ial-skills-and-make-you-sociable-anytime.html

http://sociableintrovert.com/how-to-make-the-first-step-when-approaching-a-person-you-dont-know.html

http://www.succeedsocially.com/

http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife


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## jakester13 (Mar 2, 2015)

I'm not the best "people" person out there, I don't want to sound tacky, but you don't really have to try and make people like you. It will just drive you insane. And you can keep facebook, but move on from those old friends. 

And is making an good impression to those high school friends that big of a deal to you? I use to think that, but I kind of feel like it is just a waste of my time these days. And I waste a lot of my time!


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## zfairborn (Apr 13, 2015)

I do agree that you shouldn't work to make people like you - and that you should just be yourself (and if people like you for that, then those are the ones you want to treasure). 

That said a big thing you could work on is the point you mentioned about talking non-stop; especially if its just about you.

If you want to be noticed socially, the best thing you can do is LISTEN. Listening means you are paying attention to the other people you are around, and it gives you a means to begin the conversation. Its a known fact the most popular topic of anyone is themselves, so encourage people to speak up by being opening to listening to what people say.

If they aren't talkative or too forward (or feel unable to say anything more), go for the next step of ASKING QUESTIONS. Consider it almost a test - were you listening to what they were saying? Then you should have ammunition to ask about things they have mentioned. Using the basic question starting words (who, what, when, where, why, how) can set this up easily. Consider:
- Who introduced you to (subject)?
- What made you interested in (subject)?
- When/ Where/ Why/ How did you start doing (subject)?
Provided you are asking a question they haven't already said, showing you have paid attention, they will give more information and continue talking. In fact, to support it, use their own words to begin a question. E.g.: "You said that you started doing (subject) because of (reason). Who was it that introduced you to it?" This shows that you are both listening, and wanting to know more (which translates to "I am interested in getting to know you, and want to make effort to show I am paying attention").

Once you have asked the question though, resume LISTENING. Let them keep talking, keep your body angled to face them and look at their mouth if you need to stare somewhere (a quick look to the eyes is welcome - a stare there can be intimidating).

Eventually a non-self-centered person will try to turn the tables on you (i.e.: I've told you all this about me, I feel at a disavantage. I should learn about you so I feel I know just as much). When that happens, they will ask you a QUESTION. At that point, start talking and telling them about you and go for it. Don't try to go on forever though, and again look for a reason to turn the conversation back to asking them about themselves.

Repeat this process and you will have a conversation where people are made to listen to one another and learn from doing so. Treat it as a game with rules. Heck, for every question a person can make the other answer with more than 3 sentences, give them a point. Try to score more points than the other and you'll look quite impressive.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

fallingdownonmyface said:


> how old are you? like 28? screw high school. move on. get off facebook. lift some weights. go hike in nature. *when you described how you spend hours on the internet, i imagined a creepy dude hunched over stalking people on facebook for hours. not a cool image man.*


That's pretty much me, except it's not just hours. It's 24/7...
I haven't slept in 2 days...
the whole time ive spent on this computer, watching netflix, playing video games, and cyber-stalking my crush...
I'm literally the mayor of Pathetic-loser Town...


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## conqueror2000 (Apr 10, 2015)

Thanks. I know that I am too clingy, I get too "focused" on one person & try to make them like me..becoming too clingy, then I feel they hate me (even when they say they don't) because they dont reply to me...I feel so alone :/

I have no communication skills..my convos are usually restricted to "how are you" "what are you doing"..

I try & think of myself as not a creeper, because obviously I see my faults, want to change, but it is hard to block out the intrusive thoughts & even harder to not act on them by saying/writing something stupid..


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## USAS (Apr 17, 2015)

Hello I am new to this forum.
I agree with other posters on this thread that you should not care what others think of you. Especially it seems that it has been several years since you graduated from HS (since you're thinking about reunion). What these people think of you should not matter.
Having said that I realize we each have our own struggles. That is what you struggle with and I hope you find some relief. I see that you have a lot of negative thoughts about yourself but I wonder if that is all in your head or is it truly how other see you. 


Someone mentioned that it is important to listen. I couldn't agree enough. I use to be afraid of being around people because I was afraid of awkward silences and that I would have nothing to talk about. Over the years I took the advice of just smiling and saying hello and how are you. Take a moment to breathe and think. When was the last time you saw that person and what did you talk about or what was your last memory of that person. Maybe you saw them at the grocery store and they were planning a dinner party. You can ask how that party went. Or just ask so "what have you been up to these days". 
I find that this has gotten me through conversations.

Now I'll introduce the problem that I have. Once I have to talk about myself or when I begin to describe an experience that I had I get nervous. I think I'm afraid of being judged. I can't even tell someone what kind of music I like or what television shows I enjoy because I'm afraid they will form an opinion about me. As a result, I have trouble forming friendships because no body gets to know me.


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## conqueror2000 (Apr 10, 2015)

Thanks everyone..One thing is, I try to connect with others through the internet. Most of these people have lives...etc & do not care much about the internet,much less to sit to chat with someone.


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

Its the other way around for me.. everyone tried to talk to me and be around me etc. but I simply couldn't or wasn't interested in reciprocating and connecting.. I very much regret not trying more.


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