# Got two dates for this weekend



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

from pof.com. I am very happy but also incredibly nervous.

Just some background, I'm 25 and I've only had one girlfriend, which ended a month ago (I was 24). I've gone on a date with only one or two other girls, and those never went anywhere. Needless to say this is a rare occurrence, so I'm putting a ton of unnecessary pressure on myself. 

Anyway, really excited but hopefully I can pull it together and really do well this weekend. :um Anyone else have any dates this weekend? I would love to talk strategy haha.


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## nessersqt (Jul 21, 2010)

Congrats


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## Escape Artist (Aug 23, 2011)

Congratulations on your dates. I hope you have fun!


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## Escape Artist (Aug 23, 2011)

I've decided that by the time I graduate college and find a career, if I have not yet found a real relationship, I will turn to places like pof.com and try my hand there as well. Let us know how it turns out.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

PiscesVixen said:


> So pof.com really works?! *signs up*
> 
> Congrats! But what will happen if you end up liking both girls? Will you choose to see the girl you feel most compatible with? Or will you not choose and see BOTH at the same?! :b


You're a girl, so you'll get plenty of messages from tons of random creepers, don't you worry about a thing 

And if I end up liking them both and by some miracle they like me (i'm looking at you god), I'll keep seeing them if/until it gets really serious with one or the other. Nothing wrong with dating multiple girls, just as long as there's no exclusive relationship yet.



Escape Artist said:


> I've decided that by the time I graduate college and find a career, if I have not yet found a real relationship, I will turn to places like pof.com and try my hand there as well. Let us know how it turns out.


I will.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)




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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Okay so date 1 is over. It went pretty well, but I didn't kiss her, unfortunately. Let me first say that pictures did not do this girl justice. She was GORGEOOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Luckily I got over that quickly and wasn't too nervous about it. I asked her questions about what she was talking about, made jokes when appropriate. We went for a walk and sat down on a bench...I had my arm around her for a while...there was a good amount of physical contact. Even when we were walking to the parking lot I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder and ran to the car...she was laughing and everything. When we got the car we hugged twice and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She can't hang out during the week due to her job (not a lie, I knew about that beforehand), so if we do hang out again, which she did agree to, it would be next weekend. A long time to wait to make up for a missed opportunity.

Why did I make that one mistake? I have no angst about making physical contact, but I just did not feel like it was right here. Yes, I made her laugh a bunch of times, but I wasn't "perfect". My flirting skills were a bit off, and I felt like I didn't live up to my potential. Because I beat MYSELF up I couldn't go through with a kiss, even though her perception of me could have been completely different. Because I didn't feel like I was good enough for my own wacked out standards, I wussed out. 

And really, what did I have to lose? I don't kiss her, I either never see her again or I have to wait to try again. Girls know if they like a guy in 2 seconds anyway, so I could have taken a chance and it either paid off or it didn't. AT LEAST I would have KNOWN one way or the other. Now I have to sit and wonder. God I'm such a **** **** *** ***** *****ing **** ***** ******.

Oh well, round 2 tomorrow.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

^ I lol'ed. The age old question: when to kiss a girl 
All I have to say is, well done! I don't think I'd be able to go for so much physical contact on a first date, but from what you say, she clearly liked it!

Do keep us posted! :yes


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

Nice...Can I borrow one of your dates?


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

I'm really proud of you! I am living through you vicariously at this moment! 

It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and you should focus on the fact that you even made the effort rather than dwell on what you could or could not have done. If it's meant to be, I am sure she will understand that you're a little shy and it's no big deal. Shyness can be a good thing, really. There's a sweetness that comes across. 

cool things that you have done:
---made a lot of physical contact
---followed through on the date
---kissed her cheek
---flirted
---be awesome


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## IvyAndRoses (Sep 4, 2011)

I might have social anxiety but if all the signs were there I'd do the kissing! When to kiss a girl? When her lips are on yours, you'd better kiss back. But since the opportunity rarely comes along and most girls, I guess, don't take the initiative I suppose you're not going to have to figure it out. 

I got tired of waiting around to see if guys would kiss me. I think I've been asked once "can I kiss you?" And that was kind of amazing. I decided for the most part though, I'd never get kissed if I didn't start it myself.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Thanks for the responses guys, this makes me feel so much better. In fact, in retrospect I may have made the right move. A girl who meets you online may have a ton of reservations and concerns...for all she knew I could have been a serial killer or some scumbag just trying to get laid. Kissing her on the cheek shows that I'm not all about sex, I'm not desperate, and I respect her. Hopefully she didn't think I was too much of a wuss...the picking her up thing probably helped gain me some man points. Also, she texted me the next day (today) to say good morning! 

The one thing that still bugs me, even though the date went fine, is that this girl, as mentioned, is gorgeous. I mean, Idon'tknowwhatthehellshewasdoingonpof.com GORGEOUS. On top of that she's extremely sweet, so it's hard to stop thinking about her. THAT being said, if this were a year ago, I would probably have been suicidal if she didn't text me back after 3 minutes. Now, I can totally deal and even if I never saw her again it wouldn't kill me. It would be nice to hang out with her more, but if not - I know I'll be fine. Either way, I'll definitely keep you posted on this girl.

Anyways, girl #2 in a little over an hour. I'm pretty nervous, but I'll just try my best to relax and have a good time.


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## iamwhatiam (Mar 23, 2011)

glgl


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## woot (Aug 7, 2009)

Threw her over your shoulder? Dang that is a pimp move. Your new name is pimpMo


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

woot said:


> Threw her over your shoulder? Dang that is a pimp move. Your new name is pimpMo


hahahahaha thanks man. Before we got up I jokingly asked her to carry me to the parking lot, and she joked back that it should be the other way around. Next thing she knew she was in the air. Btw I'm from Connecticut too, what's up man?

Anyways, date #2 is complete. I can't believe it, but I made out with this girl. She was pretty, tall, and fun. We gelled pretty early on and we were laughing and having a good time. This is only the second girl I've ever hooked up with.

Why did I make out with this girl when I was so indecisive last night? Well, I had more confidence tonight. My thoughts were flowing so well, I just got into a groove. I think I went in with a good attitude, the conversation just started at a good clip, she liked my sense of humor, and eventually it just became easy to goof around. By the end of the night, we were sitting next to each other, I had my arm around her, and our legs were touching. But that wasn't quite enough. What really made me SURE that I could go for it was when I pretended to catch a fly. I put my fist near her as if I were about to let the fly go right in her face (of course I wasn't), and she grabbed my hand and tried to push it away. We had a little tug of war action going on and then I opened my first right near her. Of course there was nothing in my hand, but it was just funny. That physical contact made me sure I could do it. Later I asked her, "what's that?" and pointed behind her. When she turned her head, then turned it back again to face me and ask what I was talking about, I just went for the ol' smoocheroo.

Very happy right now. Unfortunately, I'm more into the first girl then the second girl but I'm certainly not going to waste your time complaining about that. Will keep everyone updated, thanks for the support!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S...there were times tonight I almost didn't feel like I had SA. A few awkward silences crept in and I could feel the SA filter seeping in over my eyes, but generally I would combat it by making a joke and sharing a laugh with her. It would just push the SA away, keep it at bay, even though it really wanted to take me over. Quite a weird feeling, but I think if you work hard at it enough and just keep training yourself to push away the anxiety, over the years it will go away more and more. Of course, a lot of work yet to be done, but this was just a great, great weekend overall that will be another battle won in the war against SA.


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

rymo said:


> Thanks for the responses guys, this makes me ...THAT being said, if this were a year ago, I would probably have been suicidal if she didn't text me back after 3 minutes. Now, I can totally deal and even if I never saw her again it wouldn't kill me. It would be nice to hang out with her more, but if not - I know I'll be fine. Either way, I'll definitely keep you posted on this girl.
> 
> Anyways, girl #2 in a little over an hour. I'm pretty nervous, but I'll just try my best to relax and have a good time.


This is a really, really great attitude and it is an excellent foundation for a relationship. It reminds me of this song *(It contains explict lyrics)*:





...I think it's OK for you to say that you don't have SAD: I don't anymore. Although I could probably be classified as socially avoidant. A diagnosis is there for you to makes sense of and understand symptoms, it isn't a life-long sentence. By constantly forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone, you're probably more outgoing than you realize. You're probably more outgoing than*gasp* the 'normal' people. Does that mean you don't have to deal with anxiety and shyness? No. It just means that you are no longer crippled by it. Now get the he11 off this forum... :b J/K. I need, we need, the inspiration!


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

^ Lol.

You can't imagine how much I'd like to be in your shoes right now, rymo. That is truly inspirational! I wish you the best!


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Since Sunday night I've been having major anxiety...to the point where I can barely breath and I even had to leave work early yesterday because I felt like hell. I don't know why. I have one girl who I like who continues to text me, that I will more than likely see this weekend. The other girl I also like, and I will call her tonight to hang out tomorrow. What the hell is the problem? I haven't had such intense panic-type anxiety like this in years and years. Maybe I'm just not used to having this kind of social success, it's like it's just hitting me like a battering ram. I can't even concentrate at work. I probably sound like a baby or something, because who wouldn't want this situation...but that's why this feeling is all the more strange to me.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

To be honest, I'd be surprised if you weren't anxious. Even normal people would be nervous in that situation. In your situation, I'd be a nervous wreck for sure







Let's face it, you have probably built up your expectations based on how well your dates went, that you now feel pressured to live up to them. But, remember, it's ok! You were yourself with both girls, so you have nothing to worry about. You still have nothing to lose!


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> To be honest, I'd be surprised if you weren't anxious. Even normal people would be nervous in that situation. In your situation, I'd be a nervous wreck for sure
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks, man. I actually got through work today so it's getting better. Unfortunately, girl [of my dreams] #1 hasn't texted me yet today...I'm sure she's just busy, but of course today I end up over-analyzing the last text I sent her, which I sent last night: did she think it was creepy? Was I being too nice? bla bla bla. It paralyzes me. Ugh...maybe I'm more into her than I thought. It's true that I don't have anything to lose, but she is stunning and I just don't want to blow the opportunity (which doesn't come along very often). At least I know I'm trying my best - I'm certainly not being pushy at all, in fact I haven't texted her once unless she has texted me first. :um


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> At least I know I'm trying my best - I'm certainly not being pushy at all, in fact I haven't texted her once unless she has texted me first. :um


Maybe you should . I'm sure she has insecurities herself! Maybe even actually call instead of texting her!

By the way, I think it would be best if you managed to get a 2nd date sooner rather than later -- your enthusiasm won't fade, for one, and you'll have less time to overanalyse and obsess about every little thing. Clearly she likes you.

What about the other girl?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> Maybe you should . I'm sure she has insecurities herself! Maybe even actually call instead of texting her!
> 
> By the way, I think it would be best if you managed to get a 2nd date sooner rather than later -- your enthusiasm won't fade, for one, and you'll have less time to overanalyse and obsess about every little thing. Clearly she likes you.
> 
> What about the other girl?


Going to call her in about an hour and set up a date for this week. I almost wish though that I only went on a date with her, because she seems fun and all that...it's just that I can't stop thinking about #1. And I can't set up a date with that one until the weekend b/c she works really late during the week. I almost just want to know already whether anything will happen with girl #1 so I can move on. Whatever, I'll just have to suffer a bit...though I'm not trying to make this a big deal or anything...this is overall a great thing, I guess I'm just not used to dealing with stuff like this.

Anyone have any good second date ideas?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Sounds like its going really well. My dates are always lame. You sound really charismatic and fun. I have a pseudo-date today with the girl I secretly moved for - haven't seen her sonce she moved away. We really just talk and sit around. Totally boring compared to your dates!

I don't like dating 2 girls at the same time, it feels weird to me. I'd ditch one and focus on the one you really like. Less complicated. But thats just me!


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

It's been a few days. Any news? opcorn


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> It's been a few days. Any news? opcorn


So girl #1 I haven't seen again yet, but we've been texting a lot. She is very busy as she works and goes to school, so it's understandable. I am going to hang out with her today though, in a few hours.

Luckily, though - I feel no pressure in that department. I've hung out with the other girl 4 times already and I really like her. Despite not having a ton in common, we have fun together and we have a similar sarcastic personality. We went to a fair yesterday and just sat drinking beer and people watching, making funny comments about everyone walking by.

However, I'm trying to be realistic about my expectations. If I am not being completely charming 100% of the time (which is unrealistic), I start to feel the anxiety creeping in. Over the course of a day, and especially as I get more tired, it becomes harder and harder to be that enthusiastic, entertaining person that I know I can be at times. So, taking yesterday as an example, I start off feeling great, confident, etc. - I feel like I have her eating out of the palm of my hand, so to speak. Later on, however, I feel anxious and like I don't deserve to be hanging out with her...like I'm not good enough. The point is, even though I like her, I am trying to control my emotions so I don't get too attached, in case I really don't live up to her perception of me. I really don't want to get hurt.

We haven't had sex yet, because apparently it's that time of month, which is totally cool, but I have this thing in my mind where if I don't feel perfectly happy with my conversational/flirting skills then sex is another avenue where I could satisfy the other person. Almost like a second chance. Again though, that is only me and my perception of how I am coming off - it could be completely wrong, I just don't know. I mean, logically I know that's not the case but it's just these annoying doubting voices in my mind that have been plaguing me my whole life. Obviously things have gotten a lot better over the years, to the point that I can go on two dates and meet some great girls. But it has taken a lot of time and a LOT of work to get to that point - why is it so damn hard to be confident all of the time?



andy1984 said:


> Sounds like its going really well. My dates are always lame. You sound really charismatic and fun. I have a pseudo-date today with the girl I secretly moved for - haven't seen her sonce she moved away. We really just talk and sit around. Totally boring compared to your dates!
> 
> I don't like dating 2 girls at the same time, it feels weird to me. I'd ditch one and focus on the one you really like. Less complicated. But thats just me!


You might be right, and I am starting to realize that it is difficult to do so (especially where my wallet is concerned). And thanks for the compliment. I feel like I can be charismatic at times, but as described above, it comes and goes as my mood/perception of myself fluctuates. In general, I just try not to take life too seriously, and I am probably more honest than a lot of people. I don't have much shame when it comes to blurting things out; I love to speak freely about pretty much everything. Also, if I feel like a conversation is getting boring (and I am not completely anxiety-ridden at that point), then I will just change the subject to something more fun or interesting, usually just by asking a new question.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> ...
> However, I'm trying to be realistic about my expectations. If I am not being completely charming 100% of the time (which is unrealistic), I start to feel the anxiety creeping in.
> ...
> So, taking yesterday as an example, I start off feeling great, confident, etc. - I feel like I have her eating out of the palm of my hand, so to speak. Later on, however, I feel anxious and like I don't deserve to be hanging out with her...like I'm not good enough. The point is, even though I like her, I am trying to control my emotions so I don't get too attached, in case I really don't live up to her perception of me. I really don't want to get hurt.
> ...


Don't try to view yourself from her eyes, because you can't. Let her decide whether or not you're charismatic, funny, or boring. Nobody can be one of those 100% of the time, either, which means if you try, you're showing a fake version of yourself to her, and that's bad for both. Moods change and emotions vary from one moment to the next. That's how it is. Accept your flaws and let it be her decision to accept or reject yours. I don't know about you, but I find that this simple thought takes a load of pressure off of my shoulders. I use my shyness/nervousness as a way to show interest. Girls of my type will find that cute...

You don't have anything to prove to her. Instead, just focus on whether or not you think _she_'s charismatic, funny or boring. You're not dating that girl as a favor to her, you don't owe her anything. I get that you want to impress her, but don't overdo it. And remember that she has to impress you too. That's why people always say "just be yourself".

Also, don't try to control your emotions. Either you're all in, or not at all. Getting hurt is just a risk you have to take if you want to pursue relationships with others. If you don't let go of that fear, those relationships won't be as deep and meaningful as they could be, and it may lead to regrets later on.

(Hey, look at me, I actually sound like I know what the hell I'm talking about ops)

And now I'm waiting to know all about girl #1 . Good luck! You're doing great so far, I'm still green with envy!


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> ...


LOL thanks man. Your advice is amazing. You're right about everything - it's just that when you feel inferior to the average person you start to think you do have to be super enthusiastic and amazing all the time to be able to compete with everyone else, who, from our SA perspectives seem to..always be on socially. However, logically what you're saying is totally true.

Now, for girl #1. Date just ended. Just a quick background: she is from Korea and has been here for less than a year. She has been learning English for a few years and she is very good at it, but it's still hard for her to understand certain big words and phrases. My humor is very dry and sarcastic, so some of that flies over her head...and I definitely end up toning it down. In a sense, I am not being myself 100% around her - which is probably the wrong strategy, but it's so hard for me to be myself when I think a joke will just not get a reaction. Instead I default to my old plastered-on smile and laughing-at-everything attitude because it's just kind of tough for me to have a conversation with her.

That being said, there were still a few really great moments where I was like, ok kissing is going down tonight...but by the end I realized those moments were too far and in between to make the whole night amazing. We went to the driving range, then got dinner, then some drinks. Overall it was pretty fun, but did I feel like it was amazing chemistry? Again, at times, yes - but mostly no. I start to feel like if I were more experienced I could be more consistent, but the only way I can look at it is as a learning experience.

When we were walking back to the cars I held her hand and she gave me a hug before she left, but...unless she asks me I probably won't pursue her for a third date. Because I'm sort of possibly maybe seeing girl #2, I'm totally cool with that...in fact I have more feelings for girl #2 now than #1.

What you said about not controlling my emotions is interesting. The thing is, the less confident I feel, the more into the girl (in this case #2, yesterday's date) I am. Like I said before, when I am feeling super confident I feel like I can do no wrong and things are great, and she probably likes me more than I like her. When I am feeling down (amazing how I can go from so high to so low in one day), it's the reverse...I feel like I need the girl to like me for my own sake...like if I didn't have her I wouldn't have anyone else...it's so ****ed up...I get so needy when I'm down, and that's why I try to control my emotions; so I don't get too attached like that. However, I wonder if what you say is true...whether or not I should just let loose, not try to control everything so much....stop playing games and just live...it feels liberating in a way...but I'm just not so sure I'm ready for that yet...


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

rymo said:


> LOL thanks man. Your advice is amazing. You're right about everything - it's just that when you feel inferior to the average person you start to think you do have to be super enthusiastic and amazing all the time to be able to compete with everyone else, who, from our SA perspectives seem to..always be on socially. However, logically what you're saying is totally true.
> 
> Now, for girl #1. Date just ended. Just a quick background: she is from Korea and has been here for less than a year. She has been learning English for a few years and she is very good at it, but it's still hard for her to understand certain big words and phrases. My humor is very dry and sarcastic, so some of that flies over her head...and I definitely end up toning it down. In a sense, I am not being myself 100% around her - which is probably the wrong strategy, but it's so hard for me to be myself when I think a joke will just not get a reaction. Instead I default to my old plastered-on smile and laughing-at-everything attitude because it's just kind of tough for me to have a conversation with her.
> 
> ...


Wow good stuff, all off of Plenty of Fish eh


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Zeeshan said:


> Wow good stuff, all off of Plenty of Fish eh


yep...it happened fairly quickly after I made activated my profile but I can't say it didn't take some work. I took the time to create a great profile and put up my best pictures, and for girl #2, who I initiated conversation with, I really put a lot of effort into coming up with funny/flirty things to say. If nothing else, the site is an excellent way to practice being witty. It's almost like a game...try and say something great that will get the girl to message you back. Go back and forth around 5 times and if you don't have her number by then, try someone else.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

rymo said:


> yep...it happened fairly quickly after I made activated my profile but I can't say it didn't take some work. I took the time to create a great profile and put up my best pictures, and for girl #2, who I initiated conversation with, I really put a lot of effort into coming up with funny/flirty things to say. If nothing else, the site is an excellent way to practice being witty. It's almost like a game...try and say something great that will get the girl to message you back. Go back and forth around 5 times and if you don't have her number by then, try someone else.


Just out of curiosity how many girls did you have to message to set up these two dates


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Zeeshan said:


> Just out of curiosity how many girls did you have to message to set up these two dates


The first girl messaged me...that was probably the first interaction I had on the site. The second one, it was probably anywhere from the 7th to the 10th girl I messaged. That being said, it wasn't like the first 6-9 girls didn't respond. A few of them did, it's just that nothing really came of it for whatever reason.

Basically I just spent several hours one day messaging a whole bunch of girls who seemed interesting/pretty, and then went from there. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with witty messages that I believed would elicit a response, and I ALWAYS included something from their profile.

For example: girl is looking for a country boy with a truck and a sense of humor who loves animals. 
My introduction: I have a dog, but no truck or sense of humor =( Your prejudice against extremely intelligent and handsome non-******** is highly offensive to me :b


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> That being said, there were still a few really great moments where I was like, ok kissing is going down tonight...but by the end I realized those moments were too far and in between to make the whole night amazing. We went to the driving range, then got dinner, then some drinks. Overall it was pretty fun, but did I feel like it was amazing chemistry? Again, at times, yes - but mostly no. I start to feel like if I were more experienced I could be more consistent, but the only way I can look at it is as a learning experience.
> 
> When we were walking back to the cars I held her hand and she gave me a hug before she left, but...unless she asks me I probably won't pursue her for a third date. Because I'm sort of possibly maybe seeing girl #2, I'm totally cool with that...in fact I have more feelings for girl #2 now than #1.


I didn't say anything before, but my first thought was that you dating two girls at the same time may make your mind melt with so much confusion. :b It certainly would melt mine, especially since one girl is enough to make me go nuts.

Maybe you shouldn't make up your mind just yet. Not all dates with the same person are created equal, and some may not be so exciting, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. And then again, maybe you should decide as soon as possible to avoid further complications... I can't really say what would be best :sus. What I know is that the girl I dated was dating someone else at the same time, and boy she was a mess . She was confused as hell. (She then decided for the other guy and I got left in the dust. I didn't like that one bit, because I didn't know there was another guy... :cry I already had very strong feelings for her, so... I got screwed big time.)



rymo said:


> What you said about not controlling my emotions is interesting. The thing is, the less confident I feel, the more into the girl (in this case #2, yesterday's date) I am. Like I said before, when I am feeling super confident I feel like I can do no wrong and things are great, and she probably likes me more than I like her. When I am feeling down (amazing how I can go from so high to so low in one day), it's the reverse...I feel like I need the girl to like me for my own sake...like if I didn't have her I wouldn't have anyone else...it's so ****ed up...I get so needy when I'm down, and that's why I try to control my emotions; so I don't get too attached like that. However, I wonder if what you say is true...whether or not I should just let loose, not try to control everything so much....stop playing games and just live...it feels liberating in a way...but I'm just not so sure I'm ready for that yet...


Yes, it's tough. But from my (very limited) experience with the girl I mentioned above, the less I was worried about impressing her and was instead more focused on she impressing me, the more she liked me. In fact, I was shocked one time by her enthusiasm after one date in which I spent most of the time not trying to be charming at all. She was more excited than ever... :stu

But yeah, it's hard because one has to keep making a conscious effort to keep things under control. Only more practice can change that, I guess


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> Maybe you shouldn't make up your mind just yet. Not all dates with the same person are created equal, and some may not be so exciting, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. And then again, maybe you should decide as soon as possible to avoid further complications... I can't really say what would be best . What I know is that the girl I dated was dating someone else at the same time, and boy she was a mess . She was confused as hell. (She then decided for the other guy and I got left in the dust. I didn't like that one bit, because I didn't know there was another guy... I already had very strong feelings for her, so... I got screwed big time.)


That sounds awful man, sorry to hear that.

But yeh...I definitely do best when I don't act like it's a big deal. Just relaxed, cocky/funny sarcasm and not caring what the other person's reaction is (unless it's overly negative of course). It's hard sometimes when, for example, a girl doesn't text you back for a few hours and you're sitting there thinking, "omg...did I say something stupid? does she hate me now?"..etc.. completely illogical, and it makes people put a girl on a pedestal and act like she is the queen of the world. I'm getting a lot better at controlling these emotions and not putting the girl on a pedestal. You almost have to treat it like a game, sadly, where you don't fawn over the girl too much or constantly nag her...you just have to play things cool and then good things will happen.

Update with girl #2...I've sealed the deal  I really like her so far...still scared about getting too attached to her but so far I'm trying to take things as they come. No matter what happens, though: mission accomplished.

Man, just 6 or 7 months ago I couldn't imagine something like this happening. I had never hooked up with a girl or anything. Now I've had one girlfriend and possibly working toward another now. Punching through the walls of SA.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> That sounds awful man, sorry to hear that.


Thanks... but at least it was an experience that made me feel alive. 



> But yeh...I definitely do best when I don't act like it's a big deal. Just relaxed, cocky/funny sarcasm and not caring what the other person's reaction is (unless it's overly negative of course). It's hard sometimes when, for example, a girl doesn't text you back for a few hours and you're sitting there thinking, "omg...did I say something stupid? does she hate me now?"..etc.. completely illogical, and it makes people put a girl on a pedestal and act like she is the queen of the world. I'm getting a lot better at controlling these emotions and not putting the girl on a pedestal. You almost have to treat it like a game, sadly, where you don't fawn over the girl too much or constantly nag her...you just have to play things cool and then good things will happen.


I know exactly what you mean. It's crazy and exhausting to constantly worry about every little detail. Where's the brain's off switch when you need it, amirite?



> Update with girl #2...I've sealed the deal  I really like her so far...still scared about getting too attached to her but so far I'm trying to take things as they come. No matter what happens, though: mission accomplished.
> 
> Man, just 6 or 7 months ago I couldn't imagine something like this happening. I had never hooked up with a girl or anything. Now I've had one girlfriend and possibly working toward another now. Punching through the walls of SA.


:nwReally man, congratulations! :clap Huge step forward. You can give yourself a serious pat on the serious back. And remember, if I'm ever in a similar situation, I'll be needing some tips from you...


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

NoName99 said:


> Thanks... but at least it was an experience that made me feel alive.
> 
> I know exactly what you mean. It's crazy and exhausting to constantly worry about every little detail. Where's the brain's off switch when you need it, amirite?
> 
> :nwReally man, congratulations! :clap Huge step forward. You can give yourself a serious pat on the serious back. And remember, if I'm ever in a similar situation, I'll be needing some tips from you...


What are you waiting for Bro, She isnt gonna show up at your door. Time to step into the batters box and take some swings


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> :nwReally man, congratulations! :clap Huge step forward. You can give yourself a serious pat on the serious back. And remember, if I'm ever in a similar situation, I'll be needing some tips from you...


Agreed, the only reason I've had any success is because I went from sitting on my *** feeling bad about myself to just going for it. I know it's hard but just build up some adrenaline and ferocity and push that anxiety to the side for a bit. Go to a bar, go on POF, whatever. DOOOOO IT!!!!!!!

(and I will gladly give any advice that I can offer)


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Zeeshan said:


> What are you waiting for Bro, She isnt gonna show up at your door. Time to step into the batters box and take some swings





rymo said:


> Agreed, the only reason I've had any success is because I went from sitting on my *** feeling bad about myself to just going for it. I know it's hard but just build up some adrenaline and ferocity and push that anxiety to the side for a bit. Go to a bar, go on POF, whatever. DOOOOO IT!!!!!!!
> 
> (and I will gladly give any advice that I can offer)


Well, unfortunately I live in a small country -- there's no POF, and the others don't have a lot of girls... Secondly, I already put myself out there somewhat. It's not a complete accident that I met a girl earlier this year, it's just that the circumstances in which that happened were rather unique. And going alone to a bar at this point is not an option, so I just need to be patient... we'll see :blank


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> Well, unfortunately I live in a small country -- there's no POF, and the others don't have a lot of girls... Secondly, I already put myself out there somewhat. It's not a complete accident that I met a girl earlier this year, it's just that the circumstances in which that happened were rather unique. And going alone to a bar at this point is not an option, so I just need to be patient... we'll see :blank


Why is going to a bar alone not an option?


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> Why is going to a bar alone not an option?


I'd go to a bar to hang out with friends and/or have a drink, but not simply to meet girls. That just wouldn't seem right. Since I have no friends nor do I drink...
Not to mention, of course, going alone is scary :afr


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

Sooooombodys a player. two? lol thats really really good. i hope they both go really well. maybe theres gunna be a love triangle in your future lol.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> I'd go to a bar to hang out with friends and/or have a drink, but not simply to meet girls. That just wouldn't seem right. Since I have no friends nor do I drink...
> Not to mention, of course, going alone is scary :afr


You think it wasn't scary for me? that was my first step towards getting a girl...and you can just think of it like you're just trying to socialize and meet new people.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> You think it wasn't scary for me? that was my first step towards getting a girl...and you can just think of it like you're just trying to socialize and meet new people.


Don't think I'm quite there yet, to be able to do that. I mean, I walk into a bar, then what? Thing is, if the goal is to meet girls (which it would be), I'd more than likely just be setting myself up for disappointment and frustration. Because, let's face it, other than effort it takes a lot of luck too, but you can't count on that. :no


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

keyla965 said:


> Sooooombodys a player. two? lol thats really really good. i hope they both go really well. maybe theres gunna be a love triangle in your future lol.


haha no it doesn't seem like it's heading in that direction, but thank you for letting me dream...



NoName99 said:


> Don't think I'm quite there yet, to be able to do that. I mean, I walk into a bar, then what? Thing is, if the goal is to meet girls (which it would be), I'd more than likely just be setting myself up for disappointment and frustration. Because, let's face it, other than effort it takes a lot of luck too, but you can't count on that. :no


Then what? Then you approach a girl. "Hello, this place is great, huh?" bla bla bla....best thing to do is to talk about surroundings, then ask questions about her while intermittently injecting flirty jokes and charm into the conversation.

Obviously it takes practice, but I went in cold one night almost a year ago and just kept plugging away at it for a month - a month of rejections before I met my first girlfriend. It requires developing a thick skin, that's for damn sure...but you can hold on to the little victories like getting a girl's number. It's like entering a battle. Personally, I was so desperate for affection that I focused all of my energy on that battle until I succeeded; you might not have that same kind of obsessive drive. In fact, it's probably not even healthy...but that's what got me out there to begin with. Too bad we're in different countries, I would love to have you as a wing man.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> Then what? Then you approach a girl.


Holy crap, I can barely look at them, much less approach them. I find it absolutely fantastic that you got yourself to do that, but you may be right -- I'm not desperate enough right now . (It's almost like that's a bad thing lol:stu.) I still have hope that it will happen "normally", in the course of daily life...



> Too bad we're in different countries, I would love to have you as a wing man.


Hah! No girl would resist us! :teeth


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

keyla965 said:


> Sooooombodys a player. two? lol thats really really good. i hope they both go really well. maybe theres gunna be a love triangle in your future lol.


Have you seen his pics? Yeah, he could be a SASsy playah! :lol


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## rlyawkward (Dec 16, 2010)

plaaayyyaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh


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