# For guys: If you had a girlfriend, would you still feel desire to sleep with others?



## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men? I know as a woman if I loved someone I would think I wouldn't want to sleep with others. I am just asking if you would feel the desire to. Not if you would actually do it. Please be honest.


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## banjerbanjo (May 18, 2009)

Honestly, I personally don't. I still notice girls, and will aknowledge them as attractive, but I don't feel a desire to sleep with them.


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

Would you feel the desire to cheat more in a situation that involved you being alone with a person that you used to be romantically involved with? But at the same time you are in a committed relationship with someone else?


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## Treelover (Jun 22, 2009)

This is a relief to hear, as it's something I've been wondering about too. Even though my partner hasn't given me cause to suspect that he would want to sleep with anyone, well besides saying that he wouldn't be as attracted to me if I were to put on too much weight. I found this rather insensitive and shallow, though he puts it down to being honest. Ironically this makes me feel like comfort eating as I suffer with low self esteem and trust issues.


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

Treelover said:


> This is a relief to hear, as it's something I've been wondering about too. Even though my partner hasn't given me cause to suspect that he would want to sleep with anyone, well besides saying that he wouldn't be as attracted to me if I were to put on too much weight. I found this rather insensitive and shallow, though he puts it down to being honest. Ironically this makes me feel like comfort eating as I suffer with low self esteem and trust issues.


That is a horrible thing to say! You should not allow people to speak to you like this. I don't know the guy but he doesn't sound like a good guy. I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to not let yourself be treated unkindly if you are in love with the person. But I hope you can confront him about it and tell him that it makes you feel bad. No boyfriend or girlfriend should say that to someone. It is supposed to mainly be about what is on the inside.

It seems I too get hurt by the unfair actions of guys. Why can't I find a nice guy that loves me?


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## banjerbanjo (May 18, 2009)

aloss4words said:


> Would you feel the desire to cheat more in a situation that involved you being alone with a person that you used to be romantically involved with? But at the same time you are in a committed relationship with someone else?


There isn't really anyone that I used to be romantically involved that I would want to be involved with again, regardless if I'm in a relationship or not. I'm currently in a relationship, and there has been instances that I've been around exes(not by choice, we just have mutual friends) and I haven't once thought about them romantically.

I can't really speak for all guys though. Obviously there are men that would think about this.


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## Treelover (Jun 22, 2009)

Thanks alot for your reply as I've thought it's been me who's had the problem, in being over sensitive. I also think (and know) that it's what's on the inside that really counts. I have told him how bad it makes me feel but he is so confident in that what he says is right and it's for my own good. Thing is, he is more overweight than what I am, which is totally irrelevant to me anyway!! 
Maybe it's just as well we live in different towns, though I have given him alot of grief with my lack of trust & he does have some good qualities...but I shall not tolerate being treated unfairly!! In fact this will be my new motto!! Cheers m'dears


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

aloss4words said:


> That is a horrible thing to say! You should not allow people to speak to you like this. I don't know the guy but he doesn't sound like a good guy. I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to not let yourself be treated unkindly if you are in love with the person. But I hope you can confront him about it and tell him that it makes you feel bad. No boyfriend or girlfriend should say that to someone. It is supposed to mainly be about what is on the inside.
> 
> It seems I too get hurt by the unfair actions of guys. Why can't I find a nice guy that loves me?


I'm going to play devil's advocate with this one.

I don't find overweight women attractive. (I'm not talking about a few extra pounds or "meat on her bones", I'm talking about plain being fat or obese.) It's not physically attractive to me, and more importantly, it is a health issue. If I'm ever lucky enough to find a woman to love, part of the goal for the relationship would be to lead a long and healthy life, and that includes being in good physical shape. I'm at a turning point in my life where I am expecting myself to be in better physical shape, and I don't think it would be unfair to expect that of my partner as well.

(If the boyfriend in this situation is overweight himself, then he is a hypocrit and deserves anything he has coming to him.)

I'm not saying that what is on the inside doesn't count, but what is on the outside has to play a role in any relationship as well. With the very rare exception, I don't believe there are any long-lasting relationships where physical attraction doesn't play a role.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

There's always temptation to sin....period. Having a girlfriend or a wife will not change that. You are still a person capable of doing just about anything. Thinking it and acting upon it are two different things. As long as the thought of doing so is handled correctly, there is no problem.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

aloss4words said:


> I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men?


Seems to occur quite commonly in politicians.


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## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

This is a tough question because I don't think attraction is a choice. Things may happen where I start to get bored of the girl or the spark just isn't there anymore and I meet a new girl that lights that spark. I mean sometimes things like that just happen. 

I can say that as long as I'm infatuated with the girl, I'm really not going to be looking for any other girl to be with. But then again infatuation doesn't last forever in most cases.


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

PGVan said:


> I'm going to play devil's advocate with this one.
> 
> I don't find overweight women attractive. (I'm not talking about a few extra pounds or "meat on her bones", I'm talking about plain being fat or obese.) It's not physically attractive to me, and more importantly, it is a health issue. If I'm ever lucky enough to find a woman to love, part of the goal for the relationship would be to lead a long and healthy life, and that includes being in good physical shape. I'm at a turning point in my life where I am expecting myself to be in better physical shape, and I don't think it would be unfair to expect that of my partner as well.
> 
> ...


I know this thread is getting off-topic but I just wanted to say that is fine if you want a skinny girl. But there is no point in telling your girlfriend that. You are only going to hurt her feelings and make yourself look like a jerk. If she becomes heavier, no one can change that but her. Mentioning something like you look too fat to someone is not going to change their behavior. The only thing you can do if your girlfriend gets too heavy and it is that big of a problem is to dump her. She won't lose weight unless she wants to. Saying things like "I don't want you too fat" might actually make the problem worse by lowering her self-esteem. No one is going to change for anyone but themselves.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I can honestly say I don't think I'd have serious thoughts of cheating, at least for a fairly long period of time starting out. Now, if you're talking about a marriage or a very long-term relationship that gets to 5 or 10 years in length, there's just no telling what will happen; either or both partners could easily become bored or distanced enough for temptation to overwhelm them. Seems to happen a lot. I'm not entirely convinced humans are innately programmed for monogamy long-term, but that's for another thread.

However, there is a big caveat to my "vote." It's easy for me to say I wouldn't cheat because (1) I have virtually no experience with relationships, so I probably see them through very rose-tinted glasses, and (2) I'm extremely undesirable to most women. Propensity to cheat is probably strongly correlated with having _opportunities_ to cheat, methinks. If your bf is one to get hit on by girls every time he walks into a room, then not only will there be more opportunities for it to happen, but his confidence is probably quite high -- and you know what they say about too much of a good thing. Just look at all these politicians lately; even despite most of them having attractive spouses, their overinflated egos combined with abundant opportunities for mischief are apparently too much to overcome.

I could be way off the mark here, but I'd argue a guy who is not particularly attractive and/or has self-esteem issues may be less likely to cheat (on the flip side, he's also more likely to be "clingy," which seems to be a huge turnoff to most women; perhaps look for a happy medium in terms of confidence level?). I can only speak for myself, though. Hearing about guys who cheat on their faithful girlfriends does disgust me on a gut level, and I'd like to claim I'd never even entertain the thought if I was in their situation, but the fact is that it's impossible to know how differing inherent factors (physical attractiveness, extroversion vs. introversion, etc.) and life experiences (being hit on by women all the time and having your ego inflated vs. being ignored by them and having it deflated) might shape each guy's view of cheating differently.


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## Joel (Mar 4, 2009)

If I had a girlfriend, I don't think its possible to *not* find another girl who you would find to be attractive as attractive just because you're a guy and you're human, but you can choose whether or not to take it further by thinking about being with her, and I think its one of the choices that defines what kind of person someone is. So no, I wouldn't feel a desire to be with someone else if I was already with someone I cared about.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I don't know how to answer because in the past when I have had GFs I would still fantasize about other girls but I would never actually cheat on my GF. So does that count as a desire? I mean the desire is there but I never would actually want to do it.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Women cheat too you know. Just pointing that out since men have been singled out in this thread

I think the motives are probably the same for both men and women on this issue. I doubt anyone begins a relationship with the thought that they are not going to be faithful.


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

Futures said:


> Women cheat too you know. Just pointing that out since men have been singled out in this thread
> 
> I think the motives are probably the same for both men and women on this issue. I doubt anyone begins a relationship with the thought that they are not going to be faithful.


I only singled out men because I am a woman and I want to know what men do in these types of situations. I didn't ask about women cheating on men because it doesn't apply to me as much. It just is very saddening to think that lots of guys would just use me for sex and then abandon me without caring.


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

Have I desired other women while in a relationship......yeah, definitely. I've been in a few circumstances in which i've faced some pretty extreme temptation. But, to this point i've remained a "non-cheater". woohoo When i'm dating someone it seems like my opportunities with women multiply due to the increased self confidence. Ironic, really.

According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women. Apparently this is a low ball figure. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. Assuming 16 hours of being awake, this translates to a man thinking about sex 1104 times a day. Which interestingly converts to 69 times an hour if you round down.* I'm going to assume based on my own limited experience that the average man thinks about sex say 75 to 200 times a day.

What's my point? Well, I guess there could exist "freaks of nature" who could think about the same woman sexually 200 times a day. But I'm going to say that's the very limited exception. So, in conclusion two points:

A. If a man claims "I only have eyes for you".....he's lying.
B. If a woman believes "I only have eyes for you".....she's lying to herself.

If your significant other asks you if you think about other women/men what's the proper way to respond?? I guess that depends how much trouble you'd like to get yourself into/how open you are as a couple about such things/your stance on the morality of lying in certain scenarios.

Take that for what it's worth. Probably nothing 

*Link To Interesting Article I Pulled My Data From:
http://channels.isp.netscape.com/men/package.jsp?name=fte/thinkaboutsex/thinkaboutsex&floc=wn-nx


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## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

AliBaba said:


> Have I desired other women while in a relationship......yeah, definitely. I've been in a few circumstances in which i've faced some pretty extreme temptation. But, to this point i've remained a "non-cheater". woohoo When i'm dating someone it seems like my opportunities with women multiply due to the increased self confidence. Ironic, really.
> 
> According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women. Apparently this is a low ball figure. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. Assuming 16 hours of being awake, this translates to a man thinking about sex 1104 times a day. Which interestingly converts to 69 times an hour if you round down.* I'm going to assume based on my own limited experience that the average man thinks about sex say 200 or 300 times a day.
> 
> ...


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Joel said:


> If I had a girlfriend, *I don't think its possible to not find another girl who you would find to be attractive as attractive just because you're a guy and you're human, but you can choose whether or not to take it further by thinking about being with her, and I think its one of the choices that defines what kind of person someone is*. So no, I wouldn't feel a desire to be with someone else if I was already with someone I cared about.


I totally agreee with that.


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

justpassinby said:


> There are exceptions. Yes its very easy to give into temptation and entertain those thoughts of someone else, but you can take control over that. Its very rewarding when you do, so there's incentive to keep working at it.


Very, very true. So you believe someone in a relationship shouldn't even entertain private thoughts about other people? Would you consider that cheating? Interesting!


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

As long as the relationship was good and both partners still care for each other, are attractive to each other, and initiate things, then there would be no reason to mess it up.

The real test would be like the movie Obsessed. If a hot girl wanted your guy would he turn it down? http://www.themovieinsider.com/m4685/obsessed/


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

AliBaba said:


> Have I desired other women while in a relationship......yeah, definitely. I've been in a few circumstances in which i've faced some pretty extreme temptation. But, to this point i've remained a "non-cheater". woohoo When i'm dating someone it seems like my opportunities with women multiply due to the increased self confidence. Ironic, really.
> 
> According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women. Apparently this is a low ball figure. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. Assuming 16 hours of being awake, this translates to a man thinking about sex 1104 times a day. Which interestingly converts to 69 times an hour if you round down.* I'm going to assume based on my own limited experience that the average man thinks about sex say 75 to 200 times a day.
> 
> ...


It was worth a lot actually. I'm glad you are a guy that has faced temptation and said no. It gives me hope.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

aloss4words said:


> I know this thread is getting off-topic but I just wanted to say that is fine if you want a skinny girl. But there is no point in telling your girlfriend that. You are only going to hurt her feelings and make yourself look like a jerk. If she becomes heavier, no one can change that but her. Mentioning something like you look too fat to someone is not going to change their behavior. The only thing you can do if your girlfriend gets too heavy and it is that big of a problem is to dump her. She won't lose weight unless she wants to. Saying things like "I don't want you too fat" might actually make the problem worse by lowering her self-esteem. No one is going to change for anyone but themselves.


I disagree with this, depending on the situation. If a guy gets into a relationship with a woman who is already overweight, he has no right to tell her what to do about her weight. However, if they were both healthy going in, and one or the other starts to balloon up, I have no problem with it becoming an issue for the healthy partner in the relationship. If it were me to start gaining weight, I would expect my girlfriend/wife to get on my case to lose it.

If I had a girlfriend who started to gain weight at a regular pace after we got together (my uncle's wife did it after they got married), it would be an issue I would bring up. It wouldn't be to talk down to her or to harm her self-esteem. If that's what being asked to be healthy does, then that's her problem and I probably would move on from the relationship if she chooses to not be healthy. However, I believe it would be well within the bounds of fairness for me to ask her to commit herself, with my help, to losing weight, and that if she doesn't want to do it, that the relationship will suffer and likely end.

Also, I never said I want a skinny girl. I said I want a healthy girl. There is a difference. I find underweight girls just as unattractive as I do overweight girls.



Futures said:


> Women cheat too you know. Just pointing that out since men have been singled out in this thread


I have nothing to back it up (too lazy to look tonight), but I was talking with some family members on a recent vacation, and my uncle mentioned he's read studies that more women cheat than men.


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

UltraShy said:


> Seems to occur quite commonly in politicians.


so true :haha


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

lol yeah of course I think about it sometimes, there are lots of cute girls around. I've never been in a position where I could do this and I believe that if I was in such a position I would not do anything wrong.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I got upset with my ex when I noticed him checking out a girl and finding her attractive. I had never noticed it before. He said that he might look at other girls, but I am the only one that he really wants to be with. It was nice to hear that at the time.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

aloss4words said:


> I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men? I know as a woman if I loved someone I would think I wouldn't want to sleep with others. I am just asking if you would feel the desire to. Not if you would actually do it. Please be honest.


Yes.


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

Thinking/fantasizing about other people is perfectly natural and everyone does it (men & women, whether they admit it or not). 

Thinking/fantasizing about other people to the point where it affects your relationship is a problem.


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## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

AliBaba said:


> Very, very true. So you believe someone in a relationship shouldn't even entertain private thoughts about other people? Would you consider that cheating? Interesting!


Yes its cheating to even entertain thoughts. But I do agree those thoughts enter our minds naturally. But if you indulge in those thoughts and you have a partner who is close to you, they will see that, and it will affect the relationship in a negative way. They will pull away from you.

So, when those thoughts come in, you can take control, and show your partner you're making an effort. For example, lets say an attractive person of the opposite sex walks by, naturally you look. Your partner sees you look, you are aware, then you take your partners hand to reassure them, and look away. So your partner feels secure, shows love back and the bond is stronger.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

oh yea. its human nature to find people attractive so why wouldnt you have the desire to sleep with them. theres nothing wrong with that. its when you act for it thats wrong


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Of course. I think it's normal to desire others you find attractive, but out of respect for the one you love you force and those kind of thoughts out as soon as they come and you certainly don't act on them.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If your in a good relationship that you enjoy then it'd be stupid to cheat on someone, so I wouldn't. Things cross the line when you take advantage of your partner's feelings, which signifies your lack of caring for them. I would think these answers should come naturally to us all but some people seemingly just don't give a whoot I suppose 

As far as the whole thing about people being attracted to those in relationships vs. being single, I'm not so sure I buy that. If confidence is the reason why people hit on each other, you can be confident without being in a relationship and you aren't necessarily desperate if your single. If your single your probably going to be looking at people in relationships because a relationship is something your interested in, so it's kind of natural to investigate. I don't have solid proof that my assumptions are correct but the whole logic behind people being attracted to those in relationships seems exaggerated. It's almost like succumbing to the conclusion that all women are attracted to "players", or women are attracted to money, fame, power and desire to be treated like crap.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I am not a man but I know the answer. The answer is yes more than likely. Men are always looking to upgrade. ( Women as well)


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## Tony99 (Jul 27, 2008)

I didn't in my last relationship but I feel it in this one. I think it is because I am at a new level of confidence and my mood is in one of the best places it has been in a long time. So all the sudden I feel like this confident guy and like this new urge to explore what else is out there since I feel I now actually have the ability to do so. Dunno if that makes sense but the fact that I do feel this urge not really just to sleep with others but more so that I could find a mate more fitting to my personality and and desires compared to the one I am with.

It is pretty conflicting in my head and scares me because I have never been in a situation like this and I do not want to do anything to hurt my girlfriend.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

It's just biology- men are built to want to be with more than one woman. But if a man loves a woman it's stronger than his biological urges.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

aloss4words said:


> I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men? I know as a woman if I loved someone I would think I wouldn't want to sleep with others. I am just asking if you would feel the desire to. Not if you would actually do it. Please be honest.


Yes! Of Course! Absolutely! EVERY MAN WOULD!!

Men (and women) are human. They cannot control those inner chemicals that arise when they see someone attractive. It's impossible! I don't know about a woman's mind/chemistry, but a man pretty much would love to have sex with EVERY woman he sees and finds attractive.

The difference, and what sets us apart from many other animals, is the power of making choices. We choose not to flirt with others because we know it could hurt someone's feelings, and we know it could jeopardize a relationship that we care about.

And while I'm sympathetic to the power of a man's physical attraction to a beautiful woman, there is no excuse when he makes the wrong choice. that is strictly voluntary.


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## KyleThomas (Jul 1, 2009)

Treelover said:


> Thanks alot for your reply as I've thought it's been me who's had the problem, in being over sensitive. I also think (and know) that it's what's on the inside that really counts. I have told him how bad it makes me feel but he is so confident in that what he says is right and it's for my own good. Thing is, he is more overweight than what I am, which is totally irrelevant to me anyway!!
> Maybe it's just as well we live in different towns, though I have given him alot of grief with my lack of trust & he does have some good qualities...but I shall not tolerate being treated unfairly!! In fact this will be my new motto!! Cheers m'dears


It's definitely _not_ you who has the problem. How would he feel if you were involved in an accident, and lost a limb or two? Would he be less attracted to you then? How about as the natural ageing process takes its toll on you? Will each new line, wrinkle or grey hair make you that little bit less attractive to him? (He, of course, will remain Dorian Gray-like in his eternal youthful beauty.)

Perhaps next time you're out and about together, you should make a point of remarking favourably on a couple the younger men in better shape that you see. Perhaps he'll get the message. Then again, perhaps he won't.


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## KyleThomas (Jul 1, 2009)

aloss4words said:


> I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men? I know as a woman if I loved someone I would think I wouldn't want to sleep with others. I am just asking if you would feel the desire to. Not if you would actually do it. Please be honest.


Being in love doesn't stop you being physically attracted to people. As someone once put it (rather well, I thought) - he's married; not dead. 

Would I feel the desire to? On a purely biological level, yes I would. However, I wouldn't feel the emotional desire to, so I wouldn't even consider it.

I do know from being a man, and through spending enough time in the exclusive company of other men, that a lot of men do not see it that way, and think that the only crime is getting caught.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I want all of them.


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## KyleThomas (Jul 1, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> I want all of them.


Greedy!


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## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

I would not feel the desire to sleep with others. I've felt being cheated on and that is not something I would want to put anyone through. Even if you think your SO doesn't know, it still shows through in the way you treat them, even if they don't realize the reason. There is no harmless cheating even if you don't get caught.

Now, if you have an open relationship, that's a whole different story.


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## JustWakeUp (Apr 27, 2009)

I don't think, I could. I'd never want risk losing her. (_That is if there was a "her"_)


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> I want all of them.


Nooooo! They're all MINE!


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I think the desire is unavoidable but i wouldnt act on it. I think there is a line to be drawn. I try to limit the amount i fantasize as much as possible, i think if you overdo it it can start to damage your relationship. So I don't regard it as unnatural or particularly harmful if you keep it reasonably under control.


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## Pelicanbay (Jun 30, 2009)

probably not, depends tho...if at first she seems like the greatest in the world and turns out to be nothing like you thought, i'd probably see someone else before letting her go


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

of course. and if you have some really sexy female friends little do you know but its role playing time with the lights out and your naked body.


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

Pelicanbay said:


> probably not, depends tho...if at first she seems like the greatest in the world and turns out to be nothing like you thought, i'd probably see someone else before letting her go


Some may refer to this type of activity as "spineless". I'm just giving you a quick heads up :lol


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## rb1088 (Jan 24, 2008)

When I was in a relationship I did notice girls and still had the same feelings a guy has. I would however never act upon them. I live by the philosophy of breaking up if you are unhappy and never cheat. It just is not fair to either party if you don't. I can however say the same doesn't apply for some partners out there


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Bleh.. I can't deal with the thought of my boyfriend liking other girls and having to "choose" not to act on his desires. Idk if I'm cut out for another relationship, ever.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

With my ex I never had that sort of desire for others. I don't even remember checking out other girls at all when I was with my ex.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I have always kindof just assumed guys still want other girls when they are in relationship. As long as they don't act on it, it doesn't bother me. Why shouldn't you still be able to lust over other people? I don't think that it would mean he likes you any less.

Relationships are hard enough to maintain, there's no need to start adding additional stress over worrying whether or not your guy secretly think the chick that serves him coffee every morning is hot. I think it's normal to still notice other attractive people when you are in a relationship.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I know a good number of women that lust after men when they're in relationships too. Whether it's Johnny Depp or the professor of one of their classes or the guy that lives down the hall, many women do the same.


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## slkjao (Aug 5, 2009)

aloss4words said:


> It just is very saddening to think that lots of guys would just use me for sex and then abandon me without caring.


my perspective on sex is that it can be casual. if both people are attracted to one another then you should do it. Although of course theres a chance it'll get more complicated like uh him falling in a deep infatuation for u or vice versa. lots of hurt feelings there if not reciprocated right? so its more reasonable in my opinion to have sex with someone your in a relationship with and wont use u cause they care about u. Lastly sex should feel good and not be a stressful activity i mean thats pretty obvious but i think alot of people get stressed from it. Theres no shame in seeking a sex therapist.


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## slkjao (Aug 5, 2009)

sorry about that last post being off topic but to answer that am i human? well actually i think it has more to being a dude you know testosterone. Do i have lustful thoughts over a girl i perceive as attractive? im surprised nobody answered in this way but no i dont think of lustful thoughts right when i see a girl. Actually ive never thought about sex in the company of fine girls my brain pretty much freezes cause i get so nervous. My thoughts are ...omg shes so pretty.. omg that one is so cute..no way i cant even look at them. LOL im scared of girls i perceive as attractive always have been. And having only a glimpse of a girl no matter how beautiful i perceive her to be isnt enough for me even at home when im by myself alone with my thoughts to start fantasizing about her. the same applies for only being in company with a pretty girl or a group of girls I PERCEIVE as being pretty for a very short period of time. If i got to stay with them for like 30 mins ok maybe that would give me enough time to carefully look at them, smell them, remember their voices and stuff like that. Sorry for repeating perceive so much and i dont care about grammar either 

another thing isnt it normal and healthy to have lustful thoughts? i think it is. well for sure its not something that i can control...ive tried in vain. can u tell ur brain to stop thinking? again we have a LOT more of the sex hormone testosterone it is partly responsible for sex drive according to a harvard medical school book on men's health.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

rb1088 said:


> When I was in a relationship I did notice girls and still had the same feelings a guy has. I would however never act upon them. I live by the philosophy of breaking up if you are unhappy and never cheat. It just is not fair to either party if you don't. I can however say the same doesn't apply for some partners out there


I agree with this.


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