# Is anyone else a recluse with no life?



## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

*Q2: How can I become less of an outcast?*

This Easter holiday I haven't really gone out anywhere and I don't feel satisfied with my life tbh. I've just realised my whole household are like recluses, no wonder I have SA. Idk anyone in my estate or area, I'm actually shy of them, and don't talk to anyone, my mum is actually has no friends at the moment, sometimes I wonder if I would have less SA if my household were more integrated into society. I have a few friends that don't go to my college and I don't meet that much though, so I'm not that close to them. I'm seriously sick of this.

Although not knowing anyone and not having any real friends at my college makes me feel bad, the thing that makes me feel depressed and angry sometimes is how some ppl treat me. For example, at College, probably cause of my SA, some people don't seem to like me and give me weird looks or even blank me if I greet them. The mates I have at College, I don't call them real friends, never ever invite me parties and places they always talk about together. And then last year my neighbour kid started showing a dislike towards me. I've seriously had enough of this since I don't do anything to deserve bad treatment, I think. I know I'm gonna have to put up with it for longer but seriously I'm tired of ppl thinking they can treat me anyhow, like a pushover or what ever.

I actually feel very angry when people give me negative looks and stuff but don't express my anger. I need to get rid f this anger, i don't think it's normal to feel angry or down as much as I do.


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## vtec (Mar 11, 2013)

man i know exactly how you feel. a lot of what you described has/still happens. whats worse is when u dont know the person yet they still give you death stares, as well as make you incredibly angry, yet not being able to show it so you bottle it up.
One thing that has helped me in dealing with this, is to not give a hit about wut people think. I know it sounds cliche, but its s true. The more you think about the nagtive experiences youve had, the more anger youll accumulate, and the harder itlll become to bear. But if youre able to overcome this, i guarantee youll feel alot better bouy urself and even become more confident, which will deff help with making friends, as long as u put urself out there


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

vtec said:


> man i know exactly how you feel. a lot of what you described has/still happens. whats worse is when u dont know the person yet they still give you death stares, as well as make you incredibly angry, yet not being able to show it so you bottle it up.
> One thing that has helped me in dealing with this, is to not give a hit about wut people think. I know it sounds cliche, but its s true. The more you think about the nagtive experiences youve had, the more anger youll accumulate, and the harder itlll become to bear. But if youre able to overcome this, i guarantee youll feel alot better bouy urself and even become more confident, which will deff help with making friends, as long as u put urself out there


I kind of agree man. I need a more positive view to get on with others I think. But then I can't help to not give an f bout what others think. I feel I also need more people around me that accept me. In order to improve this though I can't just stay in my house. Idk how to improve my life.


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## harikiri (Feb 10, 2013)

retepe94 said:


> I kind of agree man. I need a more positive view to get on with others I think. But then I can't help to not give an f bout what others think. I feel I also need more people around me that accept me. In order to improve this though I can't just stay in my house. Idk how to improve my life.


Don't know if I have much advice to give you retepe. Just want to say, you're not alone. My son is also a hermit/recluse, though he doesn't live with me atm. He's 17 and barely leaves the house. Since it became clear to me that he *wasn't* OK I have felt pretty depressed and find myself isolating too, almost in sympathy with my son. I know however that it would far better to set him a good example by staying involved in my community so I do continue to get out and about, seeing people.

There's really no simple answer to this issue, if there was we would have got my son out of the house and back into education by now. At least you are attending college even if it's damn hard socially.

I have a feeling that nothing subsequently can be harder than being a young person with social anxiety in college or school. When deep down you want to be with others having fun while you're young, and you see your classmates enjoying going out etc and you're seemingly excluded. No wonder you feel angry when they glare at you, it's horrible when you've said or done nothing to deserve it and God knows you're already suffering enough.

And I wish to God I could come up with that simple answer, but it will have to come from inside you Retepe there's no other way.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I'm a recluse with no life.


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

redderrose said:


> Don't know if I have much advice to give you retepe. Just want to say, you're not alone. My son is also a hermit/recluse, though he doesn't live with me atm. He's 17 and barely leaves the house. Since it became clear to me that he *wasn't* OK I have felt pretty depressed and find myself isolating too, almost in sympathy with my son. I know however that it would far better to set him a good example by staying involved in my community so I do continue to get out and about, seeing people.
> 
> There's really no simple answer to this issue, if there was we would have got my son out of the house and back into education by now. At least you are attending college even if it's damn hard socially.
> 
> ...


Tbh though, I'm not sure my college experiences has been that good. I feel I'm linking my college experience with my will to study since now I feel not too ambitious to do a high status job or anything although I would love to do a hobby of mines as a job. I would rather be free and happy and get what I want rather than be rich, though I certainly want enough money to do things.


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## Zil (Feb 5, 2011)

I was in your position a few years ago, all I've learned up till now is that getting out of that hole takes time and consistent effort on your part.

One day I realized I was in great shape and also that I never had trouble getting job's or at school. I tried to understand why the other parts of my life were so void. I then understood that I was putting significant time into these activities and therefore I was successful in them. I started working on my image and on my social skills. Now I'd say that every second weekend I have a fun time with the new friends I've made.

It was complete trash in the beginning, I met some people that were just plain mean and it almost made me want to give up, but little did I know that process made me stronger. These days people say I'm the most talkative and open minded person they know.

You have to learn to progressively get out of your comfort zone. At least if you want change in your life.

Cheers


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## wish2Bhappy (Apr 3, 2013)

retepe94 said:


> Tbh though, I'm not sure my college experiences has been that good. I feel I'm linking my college experience with my will to study since now I feel not too ambitious to do a high status job or anything although I would love to do a hobby of mines as a job. I would rather be free and happy and get what I want rather than be rich, though I certainly want enough money to do things.


This is coming from a sort of "mom's" perspective, because I am much older, but hindsight 100% (well, 50-100%!) You mention your college experiences and linking with studying... yes! do that. Don't fall into the thought that in college you must have lots of friends, go to frat parties, be popular, no... be smart (as you sound like you are doing), and study study study. No one at your college is going to pay your bills for the next 40 years. You have to do that. No one at your college cares is you get your degree and land a great job or have the freedom to do a hobby, at least with the fall-back of getting your degree. Be proud that you put studying first, in front of socializing, because believe me, there are some kids at college who are only there to party, and will be there for 6 or 7 years trying to complete their 4-year degree. You will be sorry if you don't get good grades that you know you can. Get your degree, it doesn't mean you have to get a "high status job." Trust me when I say you can do anything after you get your education, but without it, you will struggle for the rest of your life just to pay bills, and NEVER have time for your hobbies at all. Be smart... stay in school... study hard... and you WILL have a good life that gives you freedom to do whatever you want. Forget the popular / shallow kids there. You will connect with someone, I promise. Look for the people like you.. in the background, keeping to themselves. Those are usually the ones you can relate to and trust. I hope this helps. I'm rooting for you


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

Zil said:


> I was in your position a few years ago, all I've learned up till now is that getting out of that hole takes time and consistent effort on your part.
> 
> One day I realized I was in great shape and also that I never had trouble getting job's or at school. I tried to understand why the other parts of my life were so void. I then understood that I was putting significant time into these activities and therefore I was successful in them. *I started working on my image and on my social skills.* Now I'd say that every second weekend I have a fun time with the new friends I've made.
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting, it's nice to hear from someone who is actually getting better and use to be a recluse like me. It's also motivating to hear that not everyone responded nicely to you as that also happens to me. I guess I have to accept that not everyone wold be friendly.

Tbh, idk where to start though. My household feels isolated from society, and we dont know anyone in our area and also barely have any money. I know next time my college pays me I'm spending most money on clothes, although that isn't smart spending I'm sick of the fact I barely have money to get anything ever. I guess I need a job over summer though I doubt I'll try to get one.


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## pink28 (Apr 14, 2013)

I am a recluse with no life as well. I am so afraid of rejection and am afraid everyone hates me.


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## FirmusPiett (Jun 15, 2012)

I know the feeling mostly... Only difference is I don't manage to feel quite so vindicated in one way or another... By viewing the people who give(gave) me stick as arrogant (in a worse, more damaging way than myself) airheads, or at least people I don't mind avoiding. Although this view works as a self-preservation mechanism for the isolation; it makes it _ok_ that you are not at all speaking with people where possible. And this probably isn't a good thing. But then again, you can always fool yourself into thinking that it is.
P.S., so you live in London too... Imho it's particularly like that here, or at least it becomes worse than other places. There's that nasty and quite potent mix of cultural tensions, corporate soullessness, and the general British outlook on things.


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## eggcentric (Apr 15, 2013)

*Homebody and Lonely*

I dont ever feel the need to leave the house to meet people and when i do, im usually anticipating returning home to my comfort. I have lots of reasons to reclusive in my mind. I dont have any friends anymore. I had lots of friends when i was younger or at least i felt like i did. i have no contact with anyone from my childhood at all. All the old friends i used to hang out with have no interest in hanging with me. Its not because im a bad person or have halitosis. in my adulthood ive noticed that all my life, ive never shared my feelings or inner fears with anyone. i have a strong disliking to chit chat. when im alone with some people, whether friends or strangers, i find myself feeling very uncomfortable. i cant think of things to say and also have trouble remembering simple phrases or names.

i have often thought that i have something wrong with my brain. i started using drugs when i was a 14 year old kid, and i think i may have damaged my mind. i have extreme memory loss and feel unable to sympathize with many people. when people are hurt around me and feeling down, i often feel sort of disgusted with them, even those that are closest to me. i hate this feeling and only want to be able to listen like every other person. i have a strange disconnect from people in general. a weird part of this is my ability to sob over happy circumstances. when im watching a movie or tv show and someone falls in love or reconnects with loved ones, i cant hold back the tears. this seems strange to me since i cant connect with loved ones around me. I even have trouble connecting with family members.

What is wrong with me. i could go on for hours with other symptoms i possess. could this be hereditary or learned since my family members seem to be reclusive as well?


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## tiredoflife (Feb 27, 2013)

I wish I had a answer for everyone. I have zero friends only leave the house when my parents force me to go to the store for food runs. They both still work, while I am disabled... but even before I got physically broken down I never did much out side of work. Due to SA. I think the advice of putting time in learning to socialize would work in the long term. I find myself wondering at my age why bother? Most people are fake, and will use you anyway. Once you no longer fill a roll they need in their life's they toss you to the side anyway. Just my thoughts on it.. I know I am crazy, I know I have issues but to be honest everything I try fails so why bother anymore. Even the walmart crazy people avoid me while I am in the store.... so this tells me I am really...really ...really... broken lol. If the strange ...I do mean STRANGE people avoid you even. Hell I even get homeless drunks walking away when I approach...and they are so drunk they can barely stand up. Maybe its me... I don't know why people avoid me.. now that I put this into written form. Maybe my broken down fat crippled body makes me even more of a pariah or maybe I just look like a psychopathic *******... hahaha


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## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

retepe94... I think I can truly say I can not only relate, but walked in your shoes longer than you. Hence ALIENATED ! For the last 7 years I have been living in total isolation, I have no family left alive, no friends at all, all alone on Earth. Never married, no kids, no sex since before you were born. And anger is totally natural, life is not supposed to be like this. What helped me is I did try and go out, and I watched and listened to people from a distance. They are worse off then us man.... They are so delusional they don't know they have problems, they couldn't admit what you have. They have a terminal case of Cranial-rectal fecal impaction, and they are screwed up man !!

They treat each other horribly and they don't talk to each other either. Nobody trusts anybody, so they are shallow, empty, apathetic, fake, idiots, that don't want to know each other. They are pathetic, and don't even know it, because they don't feel anything real. They can't take care of themselves, do their jobs, or anything, they are so busy putting on a show for everybody else trying to look good. So I hope that helps, but you don't want to know them. They are killing each other like a drunk drinks.

I know it sucks being like this, but I wouldn't trade my life for any of theirs. On this computer I can reach anywhere in the world, they can't talk to each other in their own homes ! I'm serious you are more articulate than any of the ones I met in the year I spent going to 29 different churches. Hang in there, don't give up.


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## Cyrux (Apr 16, 2013)

I'm also a recluse with no life. However, I fear socialization for another reason. All of my actual friends smoke pot and like to party. I'm okay with partying, I'm actually quite fun when I'm drunk. 

However, the medication I'm on doesn't allow it. If I try, I could possibly end up with schizophrenia. Right now; it's my biggest fear. I know I can handle social situations to some extent. But, recently I've been feeling really paranoid when I'm in somebody's presence. I feel like every time I'm not in the room, they are talking about me.

My advice would be to start smiling more, and being more friendly. I know I used to be quite the quiet person before I made friends. When I started being more friendly and cheerful things slowly got better. However, this didn't work for long. I just gave up again and again.


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## Surlygirlie (Mar 22, 2013)

Zil said:


> I was in your position a few years ago, all I've learned up till now is that getting out of that hole takes time and consistent effort on your part.
> 
> One day I realized I was in great shape and also that I never had trouble getting job's or at school. I tried to understand why the other parts of my life were so void. I then understood that I was putting significant time into these activities and therefore I was successful in them. I started working on my image and on my social skills. Now I'd say that every second weekend I have a fun time with the new friends I've made.
> 
> ...


But what happens when you look in the mirror and you don't have a great shape ? Or can't get a good job and have flunked out of college ? On top of that SA .... I hate to be a rain cloud but how do you begin to fix yourself after you come to this harsh realizations?


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## Surlygirlie (Mar 22, 2013)

Zil said:


> I was in your position a few years ago, all I've learned up till now is that getting out of that hole takes time and consistent effort on your part.
> 
> One day I realized I was in great shape and also that I never had trouble getting job's or at school. I tried to understand why the other parts of my life were so void. I then understood that I was putting significant time into these activities and therefore I was successful in them. I started working on my image and on my social skills. Now I'd say that every second weekend I have a fun time with the new friends I've made.
> 
> ...





nowayyout said:


> Most people will use you. They use each other constantly. I don't care what anyone says, most people are fake. People are very selfish.


Totally agree with cant ignore the truth


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## taneisa (Apr 18, 2013)

i can relate to most of this... except i love to socialize. i love to go out and meet ppl and i love being in public but i just can't do it without drugs or alcohol. the only time i feel comfortable is when i am no longer sober. it's very frustrating. i just don't know how to correct it.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Yes except I work. When I was unemployed I just sat at home. A dull uneventful life. My brother was pretty much the same until he found himself a girlfriend and got married. Now he goes out to heaps of things.


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## wish2Bhappy (Apr 3, 2013)

eggcentric said:


> I dont ever feel the need to leave the house to meet people and when i do, im usually anticipating returning home to my comfort. I have lots of reasons to reclusive in my mind. I dont have any friends anymore. I had lots of friends when i was younger or at least i felt like i did. i have no contact with anyone from my childhood at all. All the old friends i used to hang out with have no interest in hanging with me. Its not because im a bad person or have halitosis. in my adulthood ive noticed that all my life, ive never shared my feelings or inner fears with anyone. i have a strong disliking to chit chat. when im alone with some people, whether friends or strangers, i find myself feeling very uncomfortable. i cant think of things to say and also have trouble remembering simple phrases or names.
> 
> i have often thought that i have something wrong with my brain. i started using drugs when i was a 14 year old kid, and i think i may have damaged my mind. i have extreme memory loss and feel unable to sympathize with many people. when people are hurt around me and feeling down, i often feel sort of disgusted with them, even those that are closest to me. i hate this feeling and only want to be able to listen like every other person. i have a strange disconnect from people in general. a weird part of this is my ability to sob over happy circumstances. when im watching a movie or tv show and someone falls in love or reconnects with loved ones, i cant hold back the tears. this seems strange to me since i cant connect with loved ones around me. I even have trouble connecting with family members.
> 
> What is wrong with me. i could go on for hours with other symptoms i possess. could this be hereditary or learned since my family members seem to be reclusive as well?


^me too^ have you found any good advice from anyone? this really sucks doesn't it


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## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

mostly, yeah


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## WorthlessDoll (Apr 6, 2013)

*raises hand* I'm a recluse with no life! :rain

The most enjoyment I get out of any day is by pretending I'm in another world, or going to another world by watching a movie. I can get totally lost in a movie and forget that I even exist...


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## Reclus (Jan 11, 2012)

I used to be, but that has changed now. In the last week I have had a variety of social interaction. A few years ago I would go weeks or even months without talking to anyone. Things have changed.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Yes my life is in my head, keeps me sane to pretend.


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## FullyAwake (Mar 30, 2013)

Although I wasn’t able to articulate it to myself in a way that was helpful until later in life, I learned at an early age that most anyone will screw you given the right temptation or opportunity. Again, I didn’t really get this cognitively until I matured, but the ‘instinct’ has always been with me. It wasn’t until I made the conscious decision to open up and let someone in that I got badly, badly burned. I felt like if I didn’t trust someone that I would die old and lonely. Bad, bad mistake. What I learned: I’d rather die old and alone one time in my life than experience the pain that comes with significant betrayal ever, ever again. I’ve had SA since I was very young and I think it came from a multitude of small scale betrayals and yearly geographic re-locations from the time I was two. I was always the 'new kid'.



Thankfully, from my mid-twenties on, I realized that the only person you can count on in this world is yourself. Despite the fact that I did let someone all the way in one time, this ‘instinct’ has been with me for a long time as well. When I went to college, my goal was to study for a career field that (1) generated a top income, (2) had a strong future, (3) had great working conditions, (4) was in high demand, and (5) was difficult to learn and keep up with over time. I did not go to college to ‘follow my dream’ nor did I go to find a cushy job. Thanks to this common sense approach, I have yet to be lacking in any way financially and have always been gainfully employed. I knew I would learn to love the career field that gave me the most back in terms of quality of life and that’s exactly what happened. My passion for my career has never waned as a result.


I live in a nice, upper middle class neighborhood (for a dozen years) and can’t tell you the name of any of my neighbors. I wave to them when they wave to me, chit chat when engaged, but otherwise just mind my own business. When invited to events, I always have something pressing going on (not lying - I always do - which is my continuing education). I get along very well with my coworkers (very important to remain independent and employed) and don’t socialize with anyone outside of work. I live with my dog, whom I care for a great, great deal. In my spare time, I read about everything and anything that has to do with the field of psychology (my career has nothing to do with mental health). Outside of that, my only other interest is researching and studying to gain ever increasing numbers of certifications in my career field. 



I don’t like music at all (screws with my emotions), don’t like most sitcoms, and am very selective when it comes to movies. I do enjoy the news as it teaches me about the world and keeps me current with politics, finance, etc. As a result of my SA and life experiences, I no longer have any interest in intimate relationships. I've learned that the effort required to maintain intimate relationships is a losing proposition. I tend to give too much, which has made me out to be a sucker one too many times.



I’ve found that if I put most of my energies into my career and what’s left over into the pursuit of mental health, that’s enough to keep me satisfied. I’ve always been a hard core introvert, so pursuing a limited number of dimensions that provide a significant payoff suits me very well. 



In the end, I think my SA helped me in life a great deal. When the day comes that I can no longer live completely independent of others, I wish to pass on.


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## FullyAwake (Mar 30, 2013)

Oh - I also avoid looking at others, especially in the eyes. Unless I know the person well and feel comfortable around them, I never look at others (or at least as little as possible), especially the eyes. Manipulative facial expressions and eye contact can screw with your head. I also don't give a hoot what others think of me, unless they can impact my life significantly with their words. My coworker's opinions of me matters a lot, so I'm careful to interact with them in only the most positive and professional of ways. If others that don't know me have harsh opinions of me, it's usually because they're busy bodies and gossipers. I don't want to know those people, so that fact they don't like me is good.


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## Kittenish (Apr 21, 2013)

retepe94 said:


> *Q2: How can I become less of an outcast?*
> 
> This Easter holiday I haven't really gone out anywhere and I don't feel satisfied with my life tbh. I've just realised my whole household are like recluses, no wonder I have SA. Idk anyone in my estate or area, I'm actually shy of them, and don't talk to anyone, my mum is actually has no friends at the moment, sometimes I wonder if I would have less SA if my household were more integrated into society. I have a few friends that don't go to my college and I don't meet that much though, so I'm not that close to them. I'm seriously sick of this.
> 
> ...


I think it's normal to feel the way you do in that situation. I'd expect it! I'm in a similar situation, total recluse here :/ my family are also pretty reclusive, but I don't live anywhere near them or visit them often so now I can't say that they are having an effect on me. I think there comes a time where you have to make your own crowd of buddies and screw everyone else. If they're getting you down they're not worth it. You have to risk losing the people who don't do it for you in order to invite the right people in. That's what I think anyway


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## CoolRanch (Mar 24, 2013)

Recluse but wouldn't say I have no life. Who defines this "life" or "no life"? I'm not social with a large group of friends but so what? I could count on one hand the amount of people that I actually enjoy being around.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

FullyAwake said:


> Oh - I also avoid looking at others, especially in the eyes. Unless I know the person well and feel comfortable around them, I never look at others (or at least as little as possible), especially the eyes. Manipulative facial expressions and eye contact can screw with your head. I also don't give a hoot what others think of me, unless they can impact my life significantly with their words. My coworker's opinions of me matters a lot, so I'm careful to interact with them in only the most positive and professional of ways. If others that don't know me have harsh opinions of me, it's usually because they're busy bodies and gossipers. I don't want to know those people, so that fact they don't like me is good.


Great words of wisdom for coping with SA FullyAwake. I wish my life was like yours at least financially that well off. So how do you "not look at people"? Do you look between their eyes, or through them? 
Most of the time I found others are trying to stare me down or make me fidget. Agreed some of us SA people are genuinely nice and trusting folk that other kids from so called "civilized" families teach their kids to screw over others.


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

Zil said:


> I was in your position a few years ago, all I've learned up till now is that getting out of that hole takes time and consistent effort on your part.
> 
> One day I realized I was in great shape and also that I never had trouble getting job's or at school. I tried to understand why the other parts of my life were so void. *I then understood that I was putting significant time into these activities and therefore I was successful in them. **I started working on my image and on my social skills. Now I'd say that every second weekend I have a fun time with the new friends I've made.*
> 
> Cheers


I've recently spent more time revising and can see how its beneficial since I have a past record of bad grades. But I think I need to work more on being more knowledgeable in the movie culture, although I hardly ever have money to watch a film. I also need to have more experiences of chilling out and letting myself just be free, another thing my family never does.


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

FirmusPiett said:


> I know the feeling mostly... Only difference is I don't manage to feel quite so vindicated in one way or another... By viewing the people who give(gave) me stick as arrogant (in a worse, more damaging way than myself) airheads, or at least people I don't mind avoiding. Although this view works as a self-preservation mechanism for the isolation; it makes it _ok_ that you are not at all speaking with people where possible. And this probably isn't a good thing. But then again, you can always fool yourself into thinking that it is.
> P.S., so you live in London too... Imho it's particularly like that here, or at least it becomes worse than other places. T*here's that nasty and quite potent mix of cultural tensions*, corporate soullessness, and the general British outlook on things.


I like the mix of cultures there since I'm a Black British myself, I think I'm scared of experiencing any racism and its so unlikely to happen in London.
But I hate that some ppl are judgmental.


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## retepe94 (Aug 15, 2012)

Surlygirlie said:


> But what happens when you look in the mirror and you don't have a great shape ? Or can't get a good job and have flunked out of college ? On top of that SA .... I hate to be a rain cloud but how do you begin to fix yourself after you come to this harsh realizations?


Stop being pessimistic man :mum


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## PBGum (Dec 14, 2012)

retepe94 said:


> *Q2: How can I become less of an outcast?*
> 
> This Easter holiday I haven't really gone out anywhere and I don't feel satisfied with my life tbh. I've just realised my whole household are like recluses, no wonder I have SA. Idk anyone in my estate or area, I'm actually shy of them, and don't talk to anyone, my mum is actually has no friends at the moment, sometimes I wonder if I would have less SA if my household were more integrated into society. I have a few friends that don't go to my college and I don't meet that much though, so I'm not that close to them. I'm seriously sick of this.
> 
> ...


I was in college, I had a social life partying loads and all that, had a group of friends, but eventually i got tired of them, i got bored, i grew annoyed with the people i called friends, and i just got depressed and isolated myself and was polite but detached whenever they would try to talk me into joining them for parties and things. i turned myself into a recluse and i had plans for school but somehow it's all gone to **** and i'm not even in school anymore and have cut myself off from friends, i literally do not want to leave my bed, even if there were fun prospects because nothing is fun or interesting anymore. i have accomplished nothing in 2 years but i am capable of doing so much more and i get angry about that and then i get angry about people and just how uncomfortable i get in public at times like these, and how *****y people have been in the past, when they see someone as depressed as shameful. if you have access to a school counselor, they're usually free, and those have helped me lots in the past, they really do help you keep track of your thoughts and anger. when i fixate on people giving me weird looks or treating me badly because of how awkward i can get, then my anxiety gets worse at how terrible i must seem and what they're thinking and then i think about it a lot afterwards, but i just have to let go, and try not to think about it too much so i appear more relaxed. a lot of times people give me looks if i look miserable and feel weird, it makes them uncomfortable so i just try not to even think about it or them judging me so that makes the pressure a little less physical.


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## RobAlister (Apr 4, 2010)

I'm a recluse with no life who yearns for a family and a close-knit group of friends.


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## chipette (Apr 29, 2013)

RobAlister said:


> I'm a recluse with no life who yearns for a family and a close-knit group of friends.


It's as if you can read my mind. I just want to have a boyfriend(maybe who'll marry me), a few kids, a cozy home, and good wholesome intimate friends. I live in my mind because it's safe and for the most part, it doesn't hurt me unlike real life. Society is ostracizing when your paranoia of messing everything up cripples you from doing anything useful. :help


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## FullyAwake (Mar 30, 2013)

*Reply to ils25r (is that runway 25R?)*



ils25r said:


> Great words of wisdom for coping with SA FullyAwake. I wish my life was like yours at least financially that well off. So how do you "not look at people"? Do you look between their eyes, or through them?
> Most of the time I found others are trying to stare me down or make me fidget. Agreed some of us SA people are genuinely nice and trusting folk that other kids from so called "civilized" families teach their kids to screw over others.


 I look at objects, not people. Any object will do (wall, blackboard, desk, clock, cereal shelf, sidewalk, windshield, gas pump, iPad, monitor or whatever). If I have to look at them, I look past them at something else. I decide where to direct my vision. 

As for my 'financial welloffness', I did that to protect myself from human interaction. It was easy really - I just picked the job that earned big $$$, had the best working conditions, the highest demand, and the least amount of interaction with others. Then I went about obtaining the degree and certifications for employment in that field. It's a tough field and requires that you constantly relearn, but the ease with which you can exclude yourself from others makes it totally worthwhile. I'm not that smart, but I'll do whatever it takes to remain independent from others. I took out a huge student loan which I paid off over a ten year period. BTW, the student loan paid itself off many times over in those ten years (by 20 times). You must choose wisely when you take out student loans!!! Do your research carefully!

Like you said, there are many that will screw you every which way to Sunday (especially if they see that you're naive). Given this fact, you must build a life that allows you to pursue complete independence. Think of yourself as a castle. Next, build a mote with a bunch of crocodiles. Always keep the way forward under your control. N-E-V-E-R allow those that might "screw over others" too much power in your life.

You say you see the folks that have been trained to "screw over others"? Here's how to handle those folks - make yourself invulnerable to them. If you don't, they'll run you down. It may take time and a whole lot of work, but you'll always be at their feet if you don't learn how to keep them out of your life. Rise above it through self-education. Then, it's all your choice as to whom you let in.

Unfortunately, in this world there are sheep and there are wolves. If you don't want to become a wolf, then become a crafty sheep.

Hope this reply didn't sound overly paranoid (OK - it did). Beware others that 'seem like you'. You may have SA for a reason. Take care.


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## bracelets91 (Nov 27, 2012)

*slowly raises hand*


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## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

I can be rather reclusive. Sometimes it's a problem and other time it works ok.


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## Sherbear (Apr 26, 2013)

pretty much


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