# Dating religious people



## wrightg1990

What experiences have the secular people here had dating someone religious? Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists: what are your experiences/opinions on dating people without a religion?


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## little toaster

I could do it if she had the same religious faith as my mom's side of the family.

Without a religion, I would have to get to know her more and a lot better.

I know it can sound bad to assume that I can put a little more trust into someone religious.


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## wrightg1990

I once dated a girl who I knew to be secular when I was Christian (many years ago). It was at the very least straining on the relationship, but I think that could be mostly attributed to her personality i general. Now that I'm an atheist I'm wondering about the probability that a Christian girl wouldIdate a guy like me, aka, someone of no faith.


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## komorikun

I've dated Catholics before but they weren't really all that religious. It was more of a cultural thing for them. I could never date someone that was really into it.


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## simian4455

At my current predicament, I could date anyone.


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## Rossy

I honestly could not.


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## faction

If they support Romneys views(which are real cruel to humanity) than I think relationship would not last more than few days.


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## ryobi

I went out with a girl that was a christian fundementalist when I was in college and I was undecided. Surprisingly we were compatible in some ways but she wanted a man to be her "spiritual leader" She wanted him to tell her what to think and what to do and I believe/d in a democratic relationship where each member had equal participation


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## identitycrisis

I'd like to think I'd be open to it, but to be honest I avoid religious people because it makes me really uncomfortable. Every time I read a girl's online dating profile and I see the word "Jesus" I quickly click away.

I love discussing (and arguing) religion with people, but I don't think I'd be able to date someone who fervently believed something I do not.


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## kj87

I'm Atheist. I dated a girl for a while who was Christian. It ended up not working out but not because of religious differences. We were together about a month. 

I'd be open to it as long as she was respectful of my beliefs I'd be respectful of hers.

One thing that struck me which was very disappointing was her mother had commented that I needed to be Christian because of some belief that Christians should be with other Christians. She was basically expecting I would convert. I told the girl I was dating I thought that was a wrong way to believe, and that my beliefs didn't dictate who I could and couldn't date, implying she shouldn't let hers either. The relationship ended because she had a lot of issues and I felt it was for the best, but we are still friends.


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## little toaster

kj87 said:


> One thing that struck me which was very disappointing was her mother had commented that I needed to be Christian because of some belief that Christians should be with other Christians.


That's part of what they teach at church.

So was she Catholic? Baptist? Protestant? I know some people care if it's a different denomination.


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## kj87

little toaster said:


> That's part of what they teach at church.
> 
> So was she Catholic? Baptist? Protestant? I know some people care if it's a different denomination.


Protestant


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## UltraShy

komorikun said:


> I've dated Catholics before but they weren't really all that religious. It was more of a cultural thing for them. I could never date someone that was really into it.


Seems a lot of Catholics view the Pope in much the same manner as they would a crazy old uncle who says the darnedest things. They love 'em, but totally ignore the nonsense he babbles.


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## komorikun

UltraShy said:


> Seems a lot of Catholics view the Pope in much the same manner as they would a crazy old uncle who says the darnedest things. They love 'em, but totally ignore the nonsense he babbles.


Well, yeah. Look at Italy. They have one of the lowest birth rates in the world and the Vatican is right there in their capital. And Brazil is supposed to be one of the model countries for it's response to the AIDS epidemic. They pass out condoms like candy and prostitution is legal there.


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## Owl-99

komorikun said:


> Well, yeah. Look at Italy. They have one of the lowest birth rates in the world and the Vatican is right there in their capital. And Brazil is supposed to be one of the model countries for it's response to the AIDS epidemic. They pass out condoms like candy and prostitution is legal there.


Though abortion is illegal, go figure, that's Catholics for you.


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## komorikun

bigblue38 said:


> Though abortion is illegal, go figure, that's Catholics for you.


That's true. Abortion is illegal in just about all Latin American countries. It's legal in Spain, Portugal, and Italy though. I think if you have the money you can still get it done easily enough in Latin America. It's the land of bribes.


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## Freiheit

I'm from a religious family myself so I wouldn't have an issue with it as long as they aren't hard core about it or one of those extreme apologist types. Most people (in my age bracket) nowadays aren't all that religious anyways even if they are affiliated with an organized religion or were raised in one.


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## The Sorrow

UltraShy said:


> Seems a lot of Catholics view the Pope in much the same manner as they would a crazy old uncle who says the darnedest things. They love 'em, but totally ignore the nonsense he babbles.


Not even very committed Catholics listen to him anymore(I say that as a SSPX member). lol


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## kiirby

I couldn't. Respect is tantamount in any romantic relationship and I have an extremely hard time respecting any member of an organised religion.


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass

I wouldn't not date someone religious just because they weren't religious, the thing is they wouldn't date me.


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## Chilantree

I have fears of dating religious people and if they are okay with dating an Atheist. I am an Atheist and if their religion makes them not date me, so be it, there will be other people will are willing to date an Atheist.


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## dismiss

I can't do it. 
I have, & all it did was cause arguments... 
Then there's that whole issue where people think it's ok to tell me what I can and cannot do with my reproductive organs.... 
I detest being treated like cattle... Makes me see red.
Sure-fire relationship ender every time.


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## casey23

my ex was religious. she knew i was an athiest and that was fine. i didnt realise she was an old fasioned extreme christian though. she carried a bible at all times. she thought gay relationships were wrong and debated it to the college form class. didnt believe in sex before marrage. thought everyone who didnt believe was immoral. apparently on the moment she was " awakened " she fell over and hit her head but didnt feel pain. but i was stupid. lonley and blind and she seemed nice at first and was beautiful so she ended up breaking up with me instead of it being the other way round. Me being an athiest was too much for her. in other words she had failed to convert me i couldnt understand how she turned out like that. then i met her family. i respect others beliefs in religion. but when they think religion means they are right and everyone else is below them. then i cant. i would date someone religious again but never again anyone deeply religious


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## PaysageDHiver

I don't think I could do it. If she's devout, there would be too big a clash. If she claimed to be religious but wasn't very serious about it, then she's probably an unreflective, follow-the-herd type of thinker, which I'm not attracted to. So either way, no good.


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## lightseeker

My girlfriend for the last 2 years is muslim. I am myself agnostic-atheist from a christian majority society. We rarely discuss religion or the metaphysical, but rather we share common ground around traditional values despite our cultural and religious differences. 

Initially she had some recruitment-type behavior with me, but I made it clear that if I'd embrace any religion, hers included, it would be due to my own reasons and motivation; And that I felt no understanding or sensation of closeness to any creator on/of this planet. After that, we have had no quarrels about religion and rarely if ever bring up the subject. 

I do not regret ignoring my prejudice of her religion. Whether the relationship is sustainsable long-term is another matter. I don't think her family knows much about me, as they are conservative and inclined to believe she should marry her cousins rather than anyone of a foreign culture and ethnicity. Via their adherence to the Quran, she is not allowed to marry a non-muslim. I suspect the limitations put forth by her family might be a showstopper in the future.


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## Noca

lightseeker said:


> My girlfriend for the last 2 years is muslim. I am myself agnostic-atheist from a christian majority society. We rarely discuss religion or the metaphysical, but rather we share common ground around traditional values despite our cultural and religious differences.
> 
> Initially she had some recruitment-type behavior with me, but I made it clear that if I'd embrace any religion, hers included, it would be due to my own reasons and motivation; And that I felt no understanding or sensation of closeness to any creator on/of this planet. After that, we have had no quarrels about religion and rarely if ever bring up the subject.
> 
> I do not regret ignoring my prejudice of her religion. Whether the relationship is sustainsable long-term is another matter. I don't think her family knows much about me, as they are conservative and inclined to believe she should marry her cousins rather than anyone of a foreign culture and ethnicity. Via their adherence to the Quran, she is not allowed to marry a non-muslim. I suspect the limitations put forth by her family might be a showstopper in the future.


Hope her family doesn't end up murdering her via "honor killing".


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## KelsKels

I couldn't.. I would completely disagree with everything they live for.. and Id be really annoyed if he ever talked about it. I don't think religious guys would be attracted to me anyways though lol.


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## Moochie

My dad was a Catholic and he married a Buddhist, my mom. :]
I'm agnostic.. I suppose I could date someone with a religion as long as they don't push their beliefs on me and are comfortable with my views. I also hope they have an understanding of evolution and that my career is involved with that and other fields of anthropology...


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## Rossy

No way.


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## Starstuff13

I highly doubt it. It would be too hard for me to take her seriously if she bought into all that goes into organized religion. Maybe if she was a deist who believed in some vague concept of god that only got the whole thing started. Then it would be only a matter of time before I could argue her out of it. And arguing with religious people is quite entertaining. Bottom line, is she embraced science and didn't take her sky daddy too seriously, then a slight maybe.


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## vstar401

I don't mind a woman like that ...


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## Moment of Clarity

Freiheit said:


> I wouldn't have an issue with it as long as they aren't hard core about it or one of those extreme apologist types. Most people (in my age bracket) nowadays aren't all that religious anyways even if they are affiliated with an organized religion or were raised in one.


This is pretty much how I see it.
It could cause problems if they were really dogmatic though.


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## One Man Wolfpack

Couldn't do it, my best friend is religious and I find it quite hard sometimes. A relationship just wouldn't work.


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## Monroee

It would work if they kept their beliefs to themselves. I'll keep my beliefs to myself in silence, and they do the same. There shouldn't be any need to talk about it if we are different in that way because I'm not looking to be converted or convert them.


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## Cyclonic

I'd find it extremely hard to date a hardcore religious follower. About as far as I'd be willing to go is with one of those "part-time Christians" (as I like to call them), the ones who believe in God and go to church once in a while, but don't really talk about religion or participate in it otherwise. They don't have strong beliefs, they basically belong to an organized religion because of their family, not because they "saw the light".


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## albrecht

Monroee said:


> It would work if they kept their beliefs to themselves. I'll keep my beliefs to myself in silence, and they do the same. There shouldn't be any need to talk about it if we are different in that way because I'm not looking to be converted or convert them.


That might keep a relationship going for a while, but in the long run you have to be able to be open about your beliefs and not have to walk on eggshells around your partner. I'm not saying you have to agree on everything for a relationship to work, but on an issue like religion it can lead to a lot of resentment. As someone who has spent a lot of time in his life remaining quiet about religion just to keep the peace, all I can say is that it's exhausting.

Take a basic scenario. One of your partner's loved ones is critically ill. Your religious partner prays about it. But they also know that not only do you not pray, but you believe that praying is a waste of time - in essence, you believe they're wasting their time, but they don't know how to handle the situation. You play the silent skeptic in their mind to their source of comfort, even if you don't say anything.

I wouldn't date a religious person.


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## SVIIC

I think it's the OCD in me that makes me dislike absolute certainty that leads me to really dislike when people are extremely confident of their beliefs.

I can't much stand people who say with certainty that there is or isn't a god. It just makes me cringe. I think it's the perfectionism of the OCD and the "Well, you can't say that with certainty, so why are you pretending you can? There are potentially lots of reasons that a lot of things may be the case..." sort of angle.

I think I'd be more or less fine with someone of any religion as long as they weren't massively into it. I'm a doubter by nature, hence perhaps why I'm here in the first place. I've always cringed when people said absolute statements that weren't 100% technically true (but may have been effectively more or less completely true anyway). I'm just not into having that much confidence in things like that.

I'll just take what I know to be true or close enough... and I have no idea about anything else. It's hard enough dealing with what you can prove or what you can observe without having to worry about everything else before you're even dead.


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## Noca

albrecht said:


> That might keep a relationship going for a while, but in the long run you have to be able to be open about your beliefs and not have to walk on eggshells around your partner. I'm not saying you have to agree on everything for a relationship to work, but on an issue like religion it can lead to a lot of resentment. As someone who has spent a lot of time in his life remaining quiet about religion just to keep the peace, all I can say is that it's exhausting.
> 
> Take a basic scenario. One of your partner's loved ones is critically ill. Your religious partner prays about it. But they also know that not only do you not pray, but you believe that praying is a waste of time - in essence, you believe they're wasting their time, but they don't know how to handle the situation. You play the silent skeptic in their mind to their source of comfort, even if you don't say anything.
> 
> I wouldn't date a religious person.


It is more like, while they pray and are essentially doing nothing, you are actually doing something by taking them to their appointments, finding better treatment options for them, doing housework and chores that they are unable to do; doing all the actually "work" while they sit around and "pray".


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## Killer2121

I am a Catholic, but could not date a hardcore Christian. My mom is one of those and it's enough trouble. In fact, today she said that I better obey her or God will punish me with Karma, and she had "evidence" for it. Lol. I challenged her sarcastically and she called me an atheist.


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## identitycrisis

I always feel like it wouldn't matter too much, yet every time I see an online dating profile where they write "I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior!" I'm immediately turned off. It's like seeing a really cute girl with a nose ring: there was so much promise, and then you just ruined it, man.


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## Killer2121

identitycrisis said:


> I always feel like it wouldn't matter too much, yet every time I see an online dating profile where they write "I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior!" I'm immediately turned off. It's like seeing a really cute girl with a nose ring: there was so much promise, and then you just ruined it, man.


Because you have some sort of unreasonable hatred for Christians.


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## WalkingDisaster

Killer2121 said:


> Because you have some sort of unreasonable hatred for Christians.


He's just saying he would prefer not to date one, not that he hates them.


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## identitycrisis

Killer2121 said:


> Because you have some sort of unreasonable hatred for Christians.


Not at all. My brother-in-law is one of my favorite people in the entire world, and he's head pastor at a Lutheran church.


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## 87wayz

I could date someone who is spiritual, but not religious. Its ok to believe that science has not accounted for everything - believing otherwise is the same blind faith religious people have. Hell, even science will revise a hypothesis or refute itself, yet people worship it when even it knows its not absolute. 

But religion, with its strictures and politics, is something I dont tolerate. I dont think spiritually but I have not completely submitted to science as dogma - but I respect the hell out of it. Religion is the worst though


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## TobeyJuarez

i could as long as she didnt force me to talk about it with her and as long as she didnt try and convert me.... and if her family was the same way... i dont kow if i could take overzealous religous inlaws... but i could see how it would be necessary for me to compromise a little bit by at least accompanying her to church if she wanted me to go...


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## peacelovemusic

I have never, but I honestly don't think I could.


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## albrecht

Noca said:


> It is more like, while they pray and are essentially doing nothing, you are actually doing something by taking them to their appointments, finding better treatment options for them, doing housework and chores that they are unable to do; doing all the actually "work" while they sit around and "pray".


Well, simply praying doesn't negate anything else a person might do, so your statement here is just stupid.


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## Noca

albrecht said:


> Well, simply praying doesn't negate anything else a person might do, so your statement here is just stupid.


And if all they do is pray? assuming that God will solve the problem?


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## The Sleeping Dragon

If I like a girl I like a girl. That's chemical not logical. At the moment I have a crush on a christian girl. Or maybe jewish I'm not sure but I find it rude to just ask. Besides for obvious reasons I'll probebly never ask her out and she already probebly thinks I'm a freak because I know I must have stared a few times to often already. 

:'D


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## Idgie

Bad mistake in my experience. I actually married someone that turned very religious on me. I'm now separated and I think the religious factor contributed to problems, but of course not everything.


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## tennislover84

If there was a clear understanding that I was never going to convert at some point, then I don't see why not. I have a terrible fear of my own mortality, so if the belief in life after death/a benevolent creator watching over them, etc... comforts others, and shields them from the terror that I often feel... to be quite honest, I wouldn't want to take their beliefs away from them.

It really depends on how literally somebody interprets their particular holy book, because if you take it all literally and don't compartmentalise things, it follows that you'd try really hard to convert your loved ones. You don't want them to burn forever in hell, or whatever.

I've always been very much in two minds about these things. I mean, on the flip side, there is a natural urge among atheists/agnostics to convert people to what we'd probably call "rational thought". I mean, once you've seen the harm that irrational belief systems can do, you tend to consider that cutting it off at the source would be a good thing. Training people in critical thinking, so that they don't allow one seductive, but illogical belief to become a gateway to no longer requiring any evidence in support of ideas. Why do people from comfortable backgrounds who have a radical religious philosophy blow themselves up? It's not like they don't have anything to lose, so I suppose it's because they genuinely believe they'll go to heaven. That's obviously an extreme example, but it's the same thought process as people who want to convert you to their religion: they think it's dangerous for you, or others, if you don't.

Ultimately, I just want to allow others to be happy in their own way. It may be taking the easy way out, instead of following my thoughts to their logical conclusions. I don't know. I just feel so unhappy, most of the time, I really don't want to try and break down other people's world views, if it might make them unhappy like me. It's something that's happened to me as I've gotten older. Doing voluntary work at a Christian run organisation helped me see things from a different perspective too. I met a lot of very kind, gentle people, who didn't try to convert me. And I could see how their beliefs helped them be at peace with their lives.

This has turned into a massive essay for some reason. :b But the upshot of it is, if the woman was like the people I met doing the voluntary work, I think I probably could have a relationship with somebody like that. Maybe organised religion (and irrational, non-evidential belief systems in general) have an overall negative effect on the world. But in a micro, rather than macro scale, moderate religious people simply aren't hurting anybody. And they can be really quite nice.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

I don't know. There is this girl I like for about seven months now. I already learned she was christian after some converstations. But recently I learned she's really active. Church going. And even volunteered to lead a group of youths. (Not sure if I put it right, English is my second language.) So while I still like her I have now serious doubts if I should ask her out. I was so close asking her and for me that's a big deal. Social anxiety and all. So I want it to work out but I'm afraid I already know it won't work out because of her religion. How can I be in a relationship with her if I don't respect the very thing she stands for in life. I guess I just figured it out by myself. I should move on.


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## SVIIC

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> And even volunteered to lead a group of youths. (Not sure if I put it right, English is my second language.)


Seems perfect to me.



The Sleeping Dragon said:


> How can I be in a relationship with her if I don't respect the very thing she stands for in life.


I dunno... I'd be afraid of people who take things like that very seriously too... but at the same time... maybe it's also easy to respect/admire the fact that they at least stand for SOMETHING in life? At least she HAS morals, at least she believes in SOMETHING, etc. etc.?

I dunno.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

SVIIC said:


> Seems perfect to me.I dunno.


Well yes it is. But it shows how commited to god she is. And I'm at the other end of the spectrum. So don't get me wrong there. 



SVIIC said:


> I dunno... I'd be afraid of people who take things like that very seriously too... but at the same time... maybe it's also easy to respect/admire the fact that they at least stand for SOMETHING in life? At least she HAS morals, at least she believes in SOMETHING, etc. etc.?
> 
> I dunno.


While it's true it's something to admire that one takes a stand in life I am puzzled by the remark about morals. Everybody has morals you do not need a religion for that, even though they would like to think they have the moral high road.

Anyway I've edited a bit. But I've come back from my older post that I can't date religous people. And I was kinda with my heads in the cloads the past weeks so it was effecting my judgement. She clearly never was interested in me. It just doesn't show at all. I'm probebly just creeping her out because I've looked her way a bit to often. Oh well. I'm not very appealing and I should just live with it I guess.


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## Forwhatiamworth

Madax said:


> I'd find it extremely hard to date a hardcore religious follower. About as far as I'd be willing to go is with one of those "part-time Christians" (as I like to call them), the ones who believe in God and go to church once in a while, but don't really talk about religion or participate in it otherwise. They don't have strong beliefs, they basically belong to an organized religion because of their family, not because they "saw the light".


They are the safe ones, they only go to church on holidays 
My ex was an evangelical christian who went every sunday,wednesday, and friday. He wanted like 6 children and was not for any sort of preventative methods of pregnancy(he didn't believe in condoms).He was put off by oral sex bc of his religious beliefs, but yet wanted to have intercourse and thought it was ok not to use a condom??? I was going kind of through a transition period with my beliefs and after it ended, I realized I didn't want to be with someone that invested in there religion bc of all the power and rules that i find ridiculous. He was also very pushy with his beliefs and seemed to think I would follow him if he bugged me enough. Didn't work


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## regimes

luckily my bf is also an atheist. whoo!

i probably couldn't date anyone that's religious. i wouldn't be able to believe that we were thinking on the same frequency, and being able to think alike and understand and comprehend similar things is very important to me in a relationship.


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## SVIIC

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> Well yes it is. But it shows how commited to god she is. And I'm at the other end of the spectrum. So don't get me wrong there.


No, I meant your English and the way you phrased it :teeth.

Good thing tho too, yes.



The Sleeping Dragon said:


> While it's true it's something to admire that one takes a stand in life I am puzzled by the remark about morals. Everybody has morals you do not need a religion for that, even though they would like to think they have the moral high road.


I didn't say you did need a religion for that.
I just assumed she did have morals and standards of behaviour, is all.

Nothing more .



tieffers said:


> II can't tell you how many times I've been preached to about 'Heavenly Father' or how easy it is to convert.


Oh FFS... :b.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

SVIIC said:


> No, I meant your English and the way you phrased it :teeth.
> 
> Good thing tho too, yes.


:teeth Oh haha, right, thanks.



SVIIC said:


> I didn't say you did need a religion for that.
> I just assumed she did have morals and standards of behaviour, is all.
> 
> Nothing more .


Roger. It seems I have to work on my reading comprehension. :doh


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## Noca

Forwhatiamworth said:


> They are the safe ones, they only go to church on holidays
> My ex was an evangelical christian who went every sunday,wednesday, and friday. He wanted like 6 children and was not for any sort of preventative methods of pregnancy(he didn't believe in condoms).He was put off by oral sex bc of his religious beliefs, but yet wanted to have intercourse and thought it was ok not to use a condom??? I was going kind of through a transition period with my beliefs and after it ended, I realized I didn't want to be with someone that invested in there religion bc of all the power and rules that i find ridiculous. He was also very pushy with his beliefs and seemed to think I would follow him if he bugged me enough. Didn't work


Wow your ex sounds like a complete nutcase like he was suffering from some sort of brain damage or religionecrotizing encephalitis(religion induced brain death).


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## soupbasket

My ex was Catholic. I recall telling him, "**** the virgin Mary," during an argument to which he replied with, "I feel sorry for you. You're going to hell."


LOL.


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## Donnie in the Dark

The two girls I "like" most at uni are a Spanish Catholic and an Indian Muslim. But since I am with neither of them, I can't say what it would mean in terms of dating. 

Sigh.


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## michijo

I think Christian women are sexually perverted and believe one can use them for sex if really hard up.


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