# How much do looks matter to girls?



## lde22 (Oct 19, 2009)

I'm sure this has been asked before but I am too lazy to search.

For all you females, how important are a guys looks to you? Meaning how attracted are you to a guys looks verses his personality? 

Would you sleep with a guy if you found him physically attractive but he had a boring personality? Also would you date a guy that wasn't very physically attractive but had a great personality?

I just want to know if I have any chance at every dating a really hot girl even though I am average looking. If I eventually develop a great personality and life if I would have a chance or if I am just dreaming.

I also want to know why it is so hard for me to get laid. I am a decent looking guy but not even less attractive girls show any interest in me. Even though I am extremely boring and shy do I have any chance at getting laid simply with my half decent looks and being a nice guy, even with a fairly unattractive girl. At this point I am willing to lower my standards fairly low.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I assume it all depends on the girl, some girls may value physical attractiveness more than others.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Women seem to concentrate more on personality than looks, where as guys generally go for looks IME.

I'm a decent looking guy too, but cant get a decent looking girl to save my life. I guess my poor social skills are the culprit........


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## rainbowOne (Sep 26, 2010)

Honestly, as a girl myself, I know for some girls looks are the main thing and they don't care at all about personality... but for most, me included, it doesn't really matter how the guy looks so long as they are nice and make an effort to be nice to me.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Looks are important to me, but I find I don't get "into" people until I get to know them. Just seeing some hot dude in class or at the store doesn't really affect me. And if said hot dude opens his mouth and says something I find ridiculous...well, then the attraction is gone.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Don't blame your looks; it's most likely your SA/social skills and personality that are the problem. Go anywhere and you'll see average to unattractive men with good-looking women.

How are you approaching women? Maybe they can sense your desperation to get laid?


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

For me looks don't play a major part - It's more the style of the person, the way they dress, present them self , their manner. There are many levels of attractiveness, what most girls see at cute or attractive is not my cup of tea.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Confidence foremost, then attractiveness, then comfort, then de smooth talk. I know this because I am super smart. And a woman.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

Hmm. Maybe this explains something. I honestly think I am quite attractive, but never had a girlfriend. This is probably due to my anxiety. Your body language can give off a "don't talk to me" or "unconfident" kind of vibe. I think girls can sense lack of confidence or self esteem from a mile away, they just have that sense. I've been told that if I just had more confidence in myself I could attract a lot of girls. 

Stand tall, shoulders back and don't have an angry look on your face (my face is naturally kind of that way). You will more than likely look approachable compared to a guy who slouches and looks sad, which gives girls (or anybody) a sign you are unsure of yourself.

All this gives more reason why you need to straighten yourself up first before getting involved in a relationship. Getting into a relationship when you are deathly lonely or have low self esteem will likely backfire and only make matters worse.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

if looks dont matter im screwed. either way.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

One thing that you have to take into condiseration is that even for the girls who are attracted more by personality than looks, they have to talk to you for a while to find out what kind of personality you have.


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## velvet1 (Aug 11, 2010)

*Would you sleep with a guy if you found him physically attractive but he had a boring personality?* 
In my case, no.

*Also would you date a guy that wasn't very physically attractive but had a great personality?
*Yes, seen them around but than I find out that they're taken :blank.

So the moral of the story is that if a guy is good looking but doesn't let his personality shine and repress it for whatever reason than its hard to find him attractive.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

Like many have already stated, looks do matter to me, but if there isn't anything good to back it all up, such as personality,... :no. Once I see how stupid a guy is, he could be the most hottest, most gorgeous guy ever, and he would no longer have an effect on me.
And would anyone agree that in some cases, people that you previously weren't completely attracted to start to seem more attractive once you get to know them? I've had it happen to me a couple of times.



alex999 said:


> Hmm. Maybe this explains something. I honestly think I am quite attractive, but never had a girlfriend. This is probably due to my anxiety. Your body language can give off a "don't talk to me" or "unconfident" kind of vibe. I think girls can sense lack of confidence or self esteem from a mile away, they just have that sense. I've been told that if I just had more confidence in myself I could attract a lot of girls.
> 
> Stand tall, shoulders back and don't have an angry look on your face (my face is naturally kind of that way). You will more than likely look approachable compared to a guy who slouches and looks sad, which gives girls (or anybody) a sign you are unsure of yourself.
> 
> All this gives more reason why you need to straighten yourself up first before getting involved in a relationship. Getting into a relationship when you are deathly lonely or have low self esteem will likely backfire and only make matters worse.


Great post, especially the last part.


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## malaise (Aug 18, 2009)

alex999 said:


> Hmm. Maybe this explains something. I honestly think I am quite attractive, but never had a girlfriend. This is probably due to my anxiety. Your body language can give off a "don't talk to me" or "unconfident" kind of vibe. I think girls can sense lack of confidence or self esteem from a mile away, they just have that sense. I've been told that if I just had more confidence in myself I could attract a lot of girls.
> 
> Stand tall, shoulders back and don't have an angry look on your face (my face is naturally kind of that way). You will more than likely look approachable compared to a guy who slouches and looks sad, which gives girls (or anybody) a sign you are unsure of yourself.


Actually, I'm very drawn to guys who are brooding and look angry or stand-offish. I don't know, they stir something in me. And this thing about "looking approachable" doesn't matter, at least to me it doesn't, I believe it's the person's essence that attracts you, something untangible about them. So just be yourself, don't put on an act or pretend to be someone you're not. One thing I can't stand is phoniness and guys who try too hard. I see these kinds of douchebags every day.



CabecitaSilenciosa said:


> Like many have already stated, looks do matter to me, but if there isn't anything good to back it all up, such as personality,... :no. Once I see how stupid a guy is, he could be the most hottest, most gorgeous guy ever, and he would no longer have an effect on me.
> And would anyone agree that in some cases, people that you previously weren't completely attracted to start to seem more attractive once you get to know them? I've had it happen to me a couple of times.


Yes. Physical attraction wears off very quickly if there's nothing else you find interesting about the person.


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## april showers (Jun 27, 2009)

I think looks do matter to girls. But I also think that both looks and personality kind of goes hand in hand. It happens a lot of times that there is a guy who looks good at first glance but when I find out that his personality isn't all that great then he starts to not seem so appealing at all. Meanwhile a guy who I see as decent looking, ends up looking much more attractive when I realize what a good personality he has. 

Also, I think you're assessment of yourself of boring may not be true. Maybe you aren't as loud or crazy as some other guys and there are girls who may see you as "boring". But for every girl wh sees you as that, there's a girl who would see you as "stable", "laid-back", "calm", ect. and are looking for that in a guy.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

malaise said:


> Actually, I'm very drawn to guys who are brooding and look angry or stand-offish. I don't know, they stir something in me. And this thing about "looking approachable" doesn't matter, at least to me it doesn't, I believe it's the person's essence that attracts you, something untangible about them. So just be yourself, don't put on an act or pretend to be someone you're not. One thing I can't stand is phoniness and guys who try too hard. I see these kinds of douchebags every day.


Same with me. Especially since I do that myself, I tend to give off the "leave me alone" vibe, I would assume that he's probably just like me. I am more into introverted, not entirely confident guys overall. I very seldom like outgoing ones.

I still feel alex999's advice is good, though. Not everyone is attracted to standoffish guys. Some girls might think the guy actually DOESN'T want anyone near him. Again, if I saw a guy like that, I might assume he's just not that outgoing, but not all girls think that way.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

malaise said:


> Actually, I'm very drawn to guys who are brooding and look angry or stand-offish. I don't know, they stir something in me. And this thing about "looking approachable" doesn't matter, at least to me it doesn't, I believe it's the* person's essence that attracts you*, something untangible about them. So just be yourself, don't put on an act or pretend to be someone you're not. One thing I can't stand is phoniness and guys who try too hard. I see these kinds of douchebags every day.


Yes exactly. It's the energy/essence that attracts women. Either quiet Guys who are stoic and strongly sure of themselves with silent confidence or animated guys with high energy who are always laughing or socializing. These two types get alot of female attention. They both have a solid core of energy about them, almost like a candle flame which attracts the proverbial moths.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

It's funny how different perceptions can be. My complaint is that looks *do* seem to matter quite a lot to girls. It's not like my personality is very good or interesting, but my physical appearance is even worse, and is likely the main thing holding me back with the opposite sex. In my social circles, I've noticed a pretty strong correlation between guys' height and the number of girlfriends they get. More specifically, I've noticed very few short, scrawny guys like myself get much action -- including ones who are actually confident and outgoing.

I just found it kind of funny that one of us is complaining about how girls don't base their attraction enough on looks, while the other wishes they didn't so much. It does seem like a lose-lose situation -- i.e., good looks are necessary but not sufficient -- and a lot of the girls' response so far sort of bear that out. Personally, I've witnessed various girls get all giddy at the sight of an attractive guy and indicate immediate interest in him before they've even met, so if you're really good-looking, I'm sure you can find ways to use it to your advantage. At the end of the day, I don't think girls are really that much more cerebral and non-visual in their attraction to us than ours to them -- they just feel pressure from society to say they are.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

*It's funny how different perceptions can be. My complaint is that looks *do* seem to matter quite a lot to girls. It's not like my personality is very good or interesting, but my physical appearance is even worse, and is likely the main thing holding me back with the opposite sex. In my social circles, I've noticed a pretty strong correlation between guys' height and the number of girlfriends they get.*

So, you got your tape measure out and did a science experiment and discovered that every single guy in the universe with a girlfriend/wife/partner was of or over a certain height? How on earth have your come up with this theory? Number of girlfriends they get? So, you were watching these guys over a long period of time and keeping a record of the number of women they dated?

I'm not attacking anyone. Just asking. As human beings we are adept at seeing patterns where no such patterns exist. You made a bunch of assumptions about your own looks and personality (and how other people will receive those attributes about you is basically guesswork at this stage) and then guessed that these assumptions that might not even stand are what is holding you back with the opposite sex.

*More specifically, I've noticed very few short, scrawny guys like myself get much action -- including ones who are actually confident and outgoing.*

Were you following these short, scrawny guys around? How do you know how much action they get? And you made assumptions about how confident and outgoing they are. Unless you actually did follow them around all day.

*I just found it kind of funny that one of us is complaining about how girls don't base their attraction enough on looks, while the other wishes they didn't so much. *

Two perceptions and belief systems arguing with each other. Some people on here claim to be good looking and yet they are having problems attracting girls. Sort of smashes the whole "it's all about looks" belief system to bits, doesn't it?

*It does seem like a lose-lose situation -- i.e., good looks are necessary but not sufficient -- and a lot of the girls' response so far sort of bear that out. 
*

The destruction of a negative belief system is a lose lose situation? Why? Even if "good looks" are necessary, those "good looks" are relative and subjective. And it's interesting what guesses and assumptions you made whilst interpreting the responses of the girls who answered on this thread.

*Personally, I've witnessed various girls get all giddy at the sight of an attractive guy and indicate immediate interest in him before they've even met, so if you're really good-looking, I'm sure you can find ways to use it to your advantage. *

And I've seen loads of guys who aren't exactly going to be male models get the same response from girls. And you decided whether that guy was attractive or not. That was a guess on your part. And, whilst it is possible you were correct, it is also possible that the girls you observed did not show interest in this man in the way you believed they did.

*At the end of the day, I don't think girls are really that much more cerebral and non-visual in their attraction to us than ours to them -- they just feel pressure from society to say they are.*

Yes, girls who go against a negative belief system must be feeling pressure from society to say that they go for all kinds of things in terms of what attracts them to guys. Otherwise the belief system does not compute and the map of understanding of the world needs to be redrawn.

At the end of the day, you can go outside into the world and see all kinds of people with all kinds of people. And when you do that you realise that relationships and dating are not something that, for guys, is only what the male models do on the weekends. It's not just for the male models or the people people guess are attractive. It's for all kinds of people and all kinds of people get together with all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Some girls like it more than men and some don't and vise versa for men as well. What it comes down to is that we are all human beings: adaptive and typically attracted to the same qualities. There are different variations depending on tastes however, so you can never be too general on anything with people.


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## TheOutsider (Mar 4, 2010)

lde22 said:


> I just want to know if I have any chance at every dating a really hot girl even though I am average looking. If I eventually develop a great personality and life if I would have a chance or if I am just dreaming.
> 
> I also want to know why it is so hard for me to get laid. I am a decent looking guy but not even less attractive girls show any interest in me. Even though I am extremely boring and shy do I have any chance at getting laid simply with my half decent looks and being a nice guy, even with a fairly unattractive girl. At this point I am willing to lower my standards fairly low.


It is funny how you find yourself 'average' and expect a 'really hot girl'. No wonder. Maybe you shouldn't try to date girls based on looks and you will probably have a better chance. As for me, no, I really don't go by looks. Yes, I would like someone that is takes care of themselves, but as far as physically attractive, that has never been a real factor for me. I don't even consider it a bonus.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

I remember reading some OKCupid stuff which showed that women were _more unforgiving _when rating males' attractiveness than men were when rating attractiveness of women. To keep men perpetually confused those women were also more likely to message the men they rated less attractive than men are likely to message women they rated less attractive.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

Perhaps some of the confusion between men and women comes down to the different meaning "attractive" takes for each. If women consider extremely attractive as meaning 1-5% of guys while men consider extremely attractive 15%-20% of women, they're talking past each other.


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## sazzie (Oct 9, 2010)

Tbh, I look at a guys, hands and height first when it comes to anything physical for some reason. I like guy that are a lot taller than me (im 5'4") and guys with big/nice hands. Facial wise, I'm attracted to different kinds of guys, I dont have on preference when it comes to guys at all. I'm not the girl that's goes for the stereotypical looking model like guy.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

It depends on the girl, really. Some are very shallow while some bank more on personality. I have some friends who only date guys with certain physical traits. They are very picky, haha.

For me personally, I can't even feel attracted to someone unless I know their personality. It's like I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking, but I can't feel real attraction to him unless I like his personality. And if I don't think he's physically attractive straight away, if he has a really great personality then I will become more physically attracted to him the more I get to know him. 
Hope that makes sense...I have a hard time explaining it. Basically, personality is the most important thing to me.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

au Lait said:


> For me personally, I can't even feel attracted to someone unless I know their personality. It's like I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking, but I can't feel real attraction to him unless I like his personality. And if I don't think he's physically attractive straight away, if he has a really great personality then I will become more physically attracted to him the more I get to know him.
> Hope that makes sense...I have a hard time explaining it. Basically, personality is the most important thing to me.


I get what you mean. That's how I am too.


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

au Lait said:


> For me personally, I can't even feel attracted to someone unless I know their personality. It's like I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking, but I can't feel real attraction to him unless I like his personality. And if I don't think he's physically attractive straight away, if he has a really great personality then I will become more physically attracted to him the more I get to know him.


Yep, same here. If a guy's a tool, I'll be repulsed by him regardless of his objective physical attractiveness.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

There was this girl I got to know about 3 years ago. My cousin introduced her to me (maybe in an attempt to set me up, I don't know). When I first saw her, I was kind of surprised and was not very physically attracted to her. She definitely was not unattractive but I envisioned my cousin setting me up with somebody really hot. She was also just about as tall as me (5'9") which honestly intimidated me at first.

Anyways, when I started to get to know her I developed extremely strong feelings for her and she seemed like the most beautiful girl in the world. When my mom first saw her she was kind of surprised because I described her as really attractive. She thought she would be prettier than that.

To make a long story short, circumstances prevented it from working out but it goes to show that personality can eventually be outweighed by looks as you get to know someone. Even as a male with hormonal instincts, I'm more mature now and realize that personality is better than looks in the long run.


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## manic (Oct 19, 2010)

you know i think its next to impossible for an average looking shy/un-confident guy to get anyone to screw them. If your not approachable then obviously no one esepcially good looking girls are going to approach you! I think you need to have a little of both (personality and looks) to get a decent looking and acting girl or guy. If you have one or the other for traits your either getting a "why me? sad, annoyingly bad mouthing themselves" kinda person or a "****, gold digger, that cheats on you every night when you are at work with the smoking hot ******* next door. All you need is a personality go to therapy or the doctor for the anxiety, get it taken care of then go talk to girls. they don't bite maybe turn you down but i guess its a good thing that there are billions of them in the world to choose from. and one more thing maybe you shouldn't be so shallow yourself have you ever seen the movie "Shallow Hal" I'm just saying not all the "ugly ones" are all that ugly when you get to know them and they would probably except you as a person better than a "hottie" that's full of themselves


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

The only answer a guy gets for questions like this is "well oh uh.......go find a girl a ugly girl..." The problem is even the ones who are less attractive will reject you because even they want the top guys. (i have not tried this)


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*



stranger25 said:


> The only answer a guy gets for questions like this is "well oh uh.......go find a girl a ugly girl..." The problem is even the ones who are less attractive will reject you because even they want the top guys. (i have not tried this)


So, if I get girls approaching me and interest shown from girls (which I do. I'm not George Clooney but it happens) then that makes me one of these so called "top guys"? I say that because, by your logic, a girl would automatically reject an "average" guy or whatever you want to dub them because said girl wants the top guys. So if a girl shows interest and or doesn't reject me then I must be in this imagined group called "the top guys"? Great. Dark logic based on negative belief systems finally paying off.


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## DrewDrewson (Mar 29, 2010)

so most girls on here are saying personality is more important. Then what personality traits are you into?

Is a somewhat quiet, but nice, guy with a decent sense of humor considered to have a good personality. Or maybe a very social and nice guy with a decent sense of humor? 

In other words what's the least we, as men, can do to have an attractive personality? Because it seems to me that most girls go for the loud, confident, quick witted types. And if a quiet, nice guy such as myself happens to get an attractive girl we only end up getting dumped for the loud, confident, quick witted guy.


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## alex911 (Oct 25, 2010)

Its said that first lookg generate 85% of the first impression. That first impression is what people remember you by(50-60%). So psychologicly speeken you have about a 7-9% chance. ((100%-85%)-(50-60%))

Anyway, This probobly doesnt work if the girl thinks of herself as un-attractive. I`dd recommend you to take a shot with every girl you can find! Eventually someone will go out with you and see your good side.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I believe looks matter. How much they matter is really up to the girl's personal interpretation.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Nope, it's confidence... that's the main thing for girls. The only times I've ever been able to get girls to like me is when I stopped whining and talking about how much I suck/hate myself and pretended to be completely together, hiding everything about myself that I know would be perceived as a shortcoming. 

I couldn't do it for very long, though... so I really push myself in order to get sex, and then let it all come out afterwards. The real me has wayyyy too many issues, baggage, annoying habits, whatever... and no one will ever love me because of it. It's true-- everyone I've ever opened up to about it has rejected me. I have come to terms with that fact, which is why I don't want things to last.

Sometimes I feel bad about lying to these girls about who I am in order to get sex, but then I realize that they wouldn't ever accept who I really am, and to be honest, that makes me a little bitter... so then I don't feel bad. Don't get me wrong, I would love it if these things turned into more, but they never do... and I'm pretty sure that they never will. The second I show weakness, it's over. To tell the truth, I think if someone accepted me for who I am, I would probably just lose respect for them anyway... 

I'm not really a player... I don't get a lot of romance in my life at all. Most of the time, it just sucks too much or just doesn't feel worth it, or I'm too anxious/nervous about it. I'm trying to find something else in life that makes it worth living, but it's kind of hard... so mostly I just don't think about it.

So yeah, in real life I wouldn't have said all of that, and would have said something light and funny instead (or tried to anyway)... but while saying all the right things, all of that BS would have been there, under the surface... waiting to explode. And eventually, I wouldn't be able to hold it in anymore...


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## Wrangler (Oct 3, 2010)

I'm not accusing guys on this forum of this, or anyone for that matter, however I've noticed that a lot of guys out there have this super unrealistic view of women that they have gotten from movies and t.v. 

You have all of this stuff showing your average looking dude who always ends up getting the supermodel (i.e...fake, or famous because of how beautiful they are) as his girlfriend. 

Guys want girls to like them for their personality and whatnot, but they expect to have a supermodel girlfriend?

Guys need to get in their brain that while, sure, there is nothing wrong with wanting a woman you find attractive, you must also look at other factors, just as they expect women to do. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes, not just what is plastered in our faces by the media and advertising.

When you say things like a poster has mentioned here that includes "I'm average looking, but I want a super hot girlfriend", why do you expect its so hard to find a girlfriend? It's not about lowering your standards, it's about being realistic, and accepting the fact that not everyone out there is a super model, which is going to be a long search to find.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Wrangler said:


> I'm not accusing guys on this forum of this, or anyone for that matter, however I've noticed that a lot of guys out there have this super unrealistic view of women that they have gotten from movies and t.v.
> 
> You have all of this stuff showing your average looking dude who always ends up getting the supermodel (i.e...fake, or famous because of how beautiful they are) as his girlfriend.
> 
> ...


I don't think you can blame the media for giving guys false expectations. It's a universal problem, and it's not just guys who experience it. Almost anyone, confidence issues or not, thinks themselves the perfect person on the inside, and thus would be worthy of the perfect man or woman. It's a delusion that only goes with maturity. Social maturity. Which is why most of the guys on this forum still won't stop obsessing over incredibly attractive girls and ignoring the more average ones. Such is life.


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## Wrangler (Oct 3, 2010)

kiirby said:


> I don't think you can blame the media for giving guys false expectations. It's a universal problem, and it's not just guys who experience it. Almost anyone, confidence issues or not, thinks themselves the perfect person on the inside, and thus would be worthy of the perfect man or woman. It's a delusion that only goes with maturity. Social maturity. Which is why most of the guys on this forum still won't stop obsessing over incredibly attractive girls and ignoring the more average ones. Such is life.


 I agree with your post, but I think media just exaggerates it even further. It seems like every other movie or t.v show out there features the nerd/social reject/loser guy who through some kind of event hooks up with the prom queen/head cheerleader/ supermodel type. Basically every "teen" movie is based on that concept. Thats just not how the real world operates for 99% of the world. Same thing with the unrealistic expectations for sex. Even though studies show it's very normal for a lot of teens to not be sexually active, people see t.v and movies and think they are losers for not being sexually active.

Although, once again, I think you made some great points.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

lde22 said:


> I'm sure this has been asked before but I am too lazy to search.
> 
> For all you females, how important are a guys looks to you? Meaning how attracted are you to a guys looks verses his personality?
> 
> ...


Well it kind of depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for a one night stand then yes, looks are pretty much all that matters. If you're looking for a relationship then you don't have to worry. Yeah, the girl needs to feel a physical attraction but a lot of that, for me at least, stems from the personality. You called yourself boring which makes it seem like you don't think much of yourself and that often is obvious to girls. Confidence, unfortunately (note I didn't say egotistical!) is huge. In a forum like this people probably don't have a lot of that but it does help.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I don't care that much about the looks of a guy. I do have some standards but I don't think they are too high : He MUST practice basic personal hygiene (one of the things that attract me most to men is their scent believe it or not), he must be taller than me (I'm 5'5) and he must have at least some hair.

Other than that, I'm ok with a man not being Orlando Bloom. 

Also you should stop being obsessed with getting really hot girl and just focus on a nice girl, or a pretty girl or a smart girl.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

lde22 said:


> For all you females, how important are a guys looks to you? Meaning how attracted are you to a guys looks verses his personality?
> 
> Would you sleep with a guy if you found him physically attractive but he had a boring personality? Also would you date a guy that wasn't very physically attractive but had a great personality?


Looks matter but far less than personality does. No I would not sleep with a guy just because he is good looking. Yes I would date a guy that isn't very physically attractive but has a great personality...I'd probably see him as more and more attractive as time went on.



> I just want to know if I have any chance at every dating a really hot girl even though I am average looking. If I eventually develop a great personality and life if I would have a chance or if I am just dreaming.
> 
> I also want to know why it is so hard for me to get laid. I am a decent looking guy but not even less attractive girls show any interest in me. Even though I am extremely boring and shy do I have any chance at getting laid simply with my half decent looks and being a nice guy, even with a fairly unattractive girl. At this point I am willing to lower my standards fairly low.


Is getting laid what you aspire to in a romantic relationship? If so, I hope all girls steer clear of you unless they are into being treated like sexual objects.

On a more positive note, if you are willing to lower your standards for sex, there are plenty of prostitutes that would tap that!


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I've had good-looking girls interested in me before... I blew it, of course, but it convinced me that looks really aren't a factor. Extremes are a factor, definitely... if you're too ugly, it puts people off, and if you're too hot, they won't approach you or feel comfortable around you. Awkwardness is a big one too... nervous can be charming if you do it right, but awkwardness is never good, because it makes you seem out of place and 'not right'. 

Most guys I've met aren't looking for a supermodel (unless they're superficial narcissists like maybe 40% of this board), they want a 'girl-next-door' type. Maybe girls are the same way... I think that's why I don't do too badly when I apply myself/push myself past my issues. I'm pretty far from 'hot'... but I know how to use what I do have. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it really does. 

Most people LIKE to see flaws/imperfections/etc... the idea of ending up with someone average is often very comforting to them, because chances are, that's what they are and that's what they grew up with. Add in a little bit of charm, an unassuming lack of creepiness, and the ability to make her laugh, and you're golden... oh yeah, and sincerity is a good thing as well. 

The problem is that I'm not so sure a lot of people know how to be charming, especially when all that they care about is their looks.


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## IllmaticJJ (Dec 29, 2013)

It matters to pretty much everyone. But probably not as much as we think


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## kooolo (Mar 24, 2014)

Probaly 50 %.

Rest 50 % is you personality.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

I wouldn't be able to sleep with a guy with a boring personality or if I didn't love him, no matter how hot he is.


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## tearsforfears (Feb 28, 2014)

au Lait said:


> It depends on the girl, really. Some are very shallow while some bank more on personality. I have some friends who only date guys with certain physical traits. They are very picky, haha.
> 
> For me personally, I can't even feel attracted to someone unless I know their personality. It's like I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking, but I can't feel real attraction to him unless I like his personality. And if I don't think he's physically attractive straight away, if he has a really great personality then I will become more physically attracted to him the more I get to know him.
> Hope that makes sense...I have a hard time explaining it. Basically, personality is the most important thing to me.


yes. this is perfect.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

I've heard plenty of girls say they value looks more than personality.

Dont buy into the whole girls go for personality myth. Im quite a funny guy but its not ever got me a girl has it?

No because im an ugly **** with a huge bulbous nose and buck teeth.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I don't understand how people can just like a person's personality. I'd think a girl didn't really find me attractive if she never thought I was but "fell in love with my personality". I want both and won't compromise on either.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Obviously the answers will range and differ depending on the girl... but for me personally, there's a lot more emphasis on the guy's character and personality in comparison to how he looks. Physical attraction is definitely important to me, and at the least I'd like him to be average looking and care about what his style or keep fit, and he can have an amazing personality and that'll be enough for me. If the guy looked like a GQ model but had a really empty personality or had more negative traits, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I care more about if a guy can say things a certain way, get my sense of humour, or have great conversations about random topics whether it be trivial or academic, that'll resonate more with me because it's rarer than finding someone who's conventionally attractive. There's attractive people everywhere, but if a personality meshes with mine, you've got me LOL.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ive noticed girls who i think will reject me are becoming less and less my type. Fumny how that works


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Looks matter to girls as much as they do to guys. So there!

Seriously, it depends on who you ask. Everybody doesn't have the same taste, etc.


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## Momobyon (Mar 14, 2014)

For me, I know that looks definitely play a part in things. I've dated many guys I did not find to be 'my type' and I just couldn't get into them. I wasn't physically attracted to them and that led to zero emotional attraction and no chemistry. So looks matter to me but at the same time, considering I'm spiritual, I'm not going to sleep with someone who looks good and has no personality or whatever. I'm waiting for marriage so I want someone on the same spiritual path as myself.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Depends on what they're looking for. For example for a one night stand, looks are pretty much all that matter. For relationships, personality matters a lot, but you have to be attracted to the person too. I wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy who was extremely good looking but had a horrible personality.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Less than looks matter to guys.

Guys are more visually oriented, and women are more touch and personality oriented. This is why porn is for guys, and girls like the sex fantasy books like 50 Shades Of Grey.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Less than looks matter to guys.
> 
> Guys are more visually oriented, and women are more touch and personality oriented. This is why porn is for guys, and girls like the sex fantasy books like 50 Shades Of Grey.


 you're right though in general although most women watch porn now too I think. I don't, cause words are hot... Except when they're not. I actually don't buy books because they're usually too... (I'll just leave this here before I go tmi again.)


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Less than looks matter to guys.
> 
> Guys are more visually oriented, and women are more touch and personality oriented. This is why porn is for guys, and girls like the sex fantasy books like 50 Shades Of Grey.


Wouldn't be the fact that the majority of porn is made for a male audience rather than a female one?


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Less than looks matter to guys.
> 
> Guys are more visually oriented, and women are more touch and personality oriented. This is why porn is for guys, and girls like the sex fantasy books like 50 Shades Of Grey.


Women are just as visually oriented when it comes to spotting the Rolex, the Gucci shirt, the Armani jacket, the Prada jeans and the Ferrarri


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Holy necrobump, guys. This thread is from 2010. Goodness me.



lde22 said:


> Would you sleep with a guy if you found him physically attractive but he had a boring personality?


Yeah, totally. Been there and would do it again. I have to specify that 'boring' is not the same thing as 'unlikeable', though. I mean, you can still be nice. If somebody is attractive and nice, but not too smart - well, two out of the three isn't bad going. I couldn't have a romantic relationship with someone whose personality I didn't gel with, though.



lde22 said:


> Also would you date a guy that wasn't very physically attractive but had a great personality?


No. Maybe when I'm thirty and after something for the long haul it'll matter less, but not right now.



Jesuszilla said:


> I don't understand how people can just like a person's personality. I'd think a girl didn't really find me attractive if she never thought I was but "fell in love with my personality". I want both and won't compromise on either.


Agreed. I think it's important to want and go for both. I think it's also important to mention (as usually gets glossed over in these threads) that people are looking for someone _they_ are _attracted to_, not someone who is conventionally/'objectively' attractive (if there even is such a thing as being objectively attractive).



Rich91 said:


> I've heard plenty of girls say they value looks more than personality.
> 
> Dont buy into the whole girls go for personality myth. Im quite a funny guy but its not ever got me a girl has it?
> 
> No because im an ugly **** with a huge bulbous nose and buck teeth.


Hey Rich... think you might find that link interesting.

Anyway. You ask people not to sugarcoat, so here it is: your personality is a major part of what's keeping you single. That's not intended as a personal attack. FWIW I'd say the same thing about myself.



diamondheart89 said:


> Depends on what they're looking for. For example for a one night stand, looks are pretty much all that matter. For relationships, personality matters a lot, but you have to be attracted to the person too. I wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy who was extremely good looking but had a horrible personality.


Seconded.



DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Less than looks matter to guys.
> 
> Guys are more visually oriented, and women are more touch and personality oriented. This is why porn is for guys, and girls like the sex fantasy books like 50 Shades Of Grey.


I'm definitely visually oriented to some extent, though other factors like touch, personality and (weirdly) smell maybe do play a bigger part. I wouldn't say that's the reason why 'porn is for guys', though. Probably more to do with the fact that female libido is much more repressed in our culture than male sexuality is, but that's a topic for another thread.



ThisGirl15 said:


> Wouldn't be the fact that the majority of porn is made for a male audience rather than a female one?


Yeeeeeep. This is it.

I've watched a little bit of porn myself but can't get into anything I've found because it's so male-gazey. It's too fake, the woman is clearly not having that great a time, the stagey noises (or lack of realistic noises) is really off-putting, the guys in it are usually not attractive at all, and the whole thing is basically all about the male orgasm. It's not interesting to watch as a straight woman.



Mr Bacon said:


> Women are just as visually oriented when it comes to spotting the Rolex, the Gucci shirt, the Armani jacket, the Prada jeans and the Ferrarri


Is this a joke? I can never tell with you.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

lisbeth, you're not the only one to notice how fake porn is. It really makes it unwatchable. It's why I only watch amatuer or women masturbating now.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I'm definitely visually oriented to some extent, though other factors like touch, personality and (weirdly) smell maybe do play a bigger part. I wouldn't say that's the reason why 'porn is for guys', though. *Probably more to do with the fact that female libido is much more repressed in our culture than male sexuality is, but that's a topic for another thread.*


I don't buy that for a second. You don't watch porn simply because you don't like porn as much as we do, and you're not as aroused by it.



> Is this a joke? I can never tell with you.


Are you insinuating that women aren't as capable as men when it comes to spotting classy clothing or luxury items? Hey, that's sexist!


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

Porn is male-oriented, at least any of the clips that I've seen. The guys are mostly so unattractive, show me one with a guy that looks like Viggo Mortenson or Armie Hammer and I'll change my mind. Hell, just them doing stuff to themselves would be even better. Instead it's guys with gelled faux-hawks, fake tans, and tribal tattoos. And the fake noises are too hilarious.

To say that women's sexuality isn't repressed is even more hilarious.

Edit: Also, 50 Shades of Grey is so terrible. And reading stuff is okay but nowhere near good, it's just sex scenes in women's books are the only ones that even put effort into making it appealing for women (focusing on the guy, his pleasure, what he's doing, how he's feeling, etc).


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I am going to be honest. Looks mean so much to me. If an unattractive man or boy were to hit on me, I would be very annoyed and I would just try my best to ignore them. Like if I find out an unattractive guy is in interested in me, I wouldn't even do anything about it. If an attractive guy likes me, I would be happy. Sadly, that doesn't really happen. lol


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## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

More than they do for guys.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

> Yeeeeeep. This is it.
> 
> I've watched a little bit of porn myself but can't get into anything I've found because it's so male-gazey. It's too fake, the woman is clearly not having that great a time, the stagey noises (or lack of realistic noises) is really off-putting, the guys in it are usually not attractive at all, and the whole thing is basically all about the male orgasm. It's not interesting to watch as a straight woman.


 Pretty much. I'm very visual as well, but I gave up on porn a long time ago for pretty much the reasons you listed, plus the type I like is SO male-gazey and unappealing. Now I just use pictures.

But y'know straight women have no sexuality, pfft!


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Barette said:


> Porn is male-oriented, at least any of the clips that I've seen. The guys are mostly so unattractive, show me one with a guy that looks like Viggo Mortenson or Armie Hammer and I'll change my mind. Hell, just them doing stuff to themselves would be even better.


In that case, head to the gay section, where you'll find plenty of hunks pleasuring themselves.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Barette said:


> Porn is male-oriented, at least any of the clips that I've seen. The guys are mostly so unattractive, show me one with a guy that looks like Viggo Mortenson or Armie Hammer and I'll change my mind. Hell, just them doing stuff to themselves would be even better. Instead it's guys with gelled faux-hawks, fake tans, and tribal tattoos. And the fake noises are too hilarious.
> 
> To say that women's sexuality isn't repressed is even more hilarious.
> 
> Edit: Also, 50 Shades of Grey is so terrible. And reading stuff is okay but nowhere near good, it's just sex scenes in women's books are the only ones that even put effort into making it appealing for women (focusing on the guy, his pleasure, what he's doing, how he's feeling, etc).


Porn, for guys, is mostly about fantasy, too. If an old guy is screwing a teenage girl, that is attractive to the older guy because it is fantasy. That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life.

I understand that 50 Shades Of Grey is also similar. Same with Twilight, although Twilight has the sci-fi aspect, so it's bearable. It's just the "he's so good looking, he melts in the rain" aspect that appeals to women. For guys, it's less about him and more about the girl being sexy.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

ThisGirl15 said:


> Pretty much. I'm very visual as well, but I gave up on porn a long time ago for pretty much the reasons you listed, plus the type I like is SO male-gazey and unappealing. Now I just use pictures.
> 
> But y'know straight women have no sexuality, pfft!


I wish there was visual stuff that catered to me, but I can't be bothered to search forever. Probably for the best, it's trained me to be more reliant on my imagination, which I have at my disposal all the time haha.


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## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

For some it will be the most important factor, for others it won't matter at all, for most it will be somewhere in between.

Incredibly enough you can't generalize the tastes of 3.5 billion individuals.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I wish there was visual stuff that catered to me, but I can't be bothered to search forever. Probably for the best, it's trained me to be more reliant on my imagination, which I have at my disposal all the time haha.


Yeah I use my imagination as well. Most stuff made by women doesn't even appeal to me either. :/


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> Agreed. I think it's important to want and go for both. I think it's also important to mention (as usually gets glossed over in these threads) that people are looking for someone _they_ are _attracted to_, not someone who is conventionally/'objectively' attractive (if there even is such a thing as being objectively attractive).
> 
> Hey Rich... think you might find that link interesting.
> 
> Anyway. You ask people not to sugarcoat, so here it is: your personality is a major part of what's keeping you single. That's not intended as a personal attack. FWIW I'd say the same thing about myself..


This is not a personal attack against you either.

You dont know how unpleasing to the eye I actually am and you dont know what my personality is like because you dont actually know me really.

So im supposed to believe what some article says in the daily mail?

besides that woman is most likely really ugly under all that make up shes wearing either that or she has self esteem issues.

also the fact I've never had a girlfriend or any sex at my age only proves that im an ugly loser who's destined to be alone forever. Its too late for me to get a woman now, being inexperienced is the biggest turn off ever and surely you can say im wrong on that one lisbeth, come on.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Rich91 said:


> This is not a personal attack against you either.
> 
> You dont know how unpleasing to the eye I actually am and you dont know what my personality is like because you dont actually know me really.
> 
> ...












I have nothing left to give.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I have nothing left to give.


So I've won then lol

everyone here knows what I say is the truth. You even said yourself you have nothing left to give which im surprised by (no offence)

im not attacking you in any way.

Nobody can convince me any different, looks are everything, personality is just a bonus, nobody really gives a **** about personality, everyone knows that, even the ones who pretend they dont.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

^I wouldn't say "won". I would say "wore you out".


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

You're better off not arguing with Rich, he's pretty much made his mind up on how the world works.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Rich91 said:


> So I've won then lol
> 
> everyone here knows what I say is the truth. You even said yourself you have nothing left to give which im surprised by (no offence)
> 
> ...


Look, man, if you've won this you've won this as a war of attrition. Like Barette said, you've worn me down and basically bored me. You say the same things again and again, everybody else says the same things to you again and again, it's incredibly repetitive and it goes nowhere. What you say isn't the truth, but you're completely convinced it is, and no kind of logic or evidence or statistic anyone else throws at you will shift that even the slightest inch. So what's the point of even trying any more, you know?


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

lisbeth said:


> Look, man, if you've won this you've won this as a war of attrition. Like Barette said, you've worn me down and basically bored me. You say the same things again and again, everybody else says the same things to you again and again, it's incredibly repetitive and it goes nowhere. What you say isn't the truth, but you're completely convinced it is, and no kind of logic or evidence or statistic anyone else throws at you will shift that even the slightest inch. So what's the point of even trying any more, you know?


All you can do now sis is throw bananas at him.

But even then that's wasting bananas.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> Look, man, if you've won this you've won this as a war of attrition. Like Barette said, you've worn me down and basically bored me. You say the same things again and again, everybody else says the same things to you again and again, it's incredibly repetitive and it goes nowhere. What you say isn't the truth, but you're completely convinced it kind of logic or evidence or statistic anyone else throws at you will shift that even the slightest inch. So what's the point of even trying any more, you know?


If I've worn you down then why do you quote me on my 'repetitive' posts then.

Obviously you've known for a while now that I cant be convinced so why try with the first post you quoted me on?

if you dont like me or what I post then you need to move onto somebody else cos I aint going nowhere and as you said its just gonna ware you down and bore you even more. Im not even picking an argument but im sick of you and others here constantly bickering at me, you're friend barette is the worst for it, now get off my case and leave me be. We have nothing in common do we really?

We live in two totally different worlds and have very different views and opinions.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Rich91 said:


> If I've worn you down then why do you quote me on my 'repetitive' posts then.
> 
> Obviously you've known for a while now that I cant be convinced so why try with the first post you quoted me on?
> 
> ...


Because you continue to post, I continue to see your posts, they continue to frustrate me... I mean, it's a public forum with enough regular posters that you can expect something you write to get a reaction, and often the same reaction from the same people. People are going to quote you, reply to you and argue with you. If you don't want that dialogue, then maybe you should write a blog.

If I and others are 'constantly bickering' at you - 'and others' being the important part here, because it's not just me - maybe it would be worth thinking about whether the problem is what you post rather than the people reading it, if it's getting such a universal response of frustration from so many different users. The common denominator in all your interactions is you.

Anyway, I think I am, as you say, going to stop replying. But there's this question that the counselor I was seeing for a while asked me that is so important and useful in examining your own thinking that I'm going to post it here and leave it with you.

*In what way does it benefit you to hold on to this belief set?
What is the benefit of thinking this way?

*It's not a rhetorical question. There will be some psychological benefit to it, or your mind wouldn't be clinging to it. All the while it's making you unhappy, you're still getting something from it. Only you can work out what that is and what the reasons are, but you are getting something 'useful' from it. There's a subconscious motivation for thinking the way you do.

At a guess I'd say it's because it's an externalization of the problem, whatever 'the problem' is. _"The whole world is shallow and cruel and against me" _makes the problem universal and puts it firmly outside yourself and outside your control to do anything about. _"I will always be ugly and there's nothing I can do about it and therefore I will never get anywhere in life" _again pins the problem on an external factor you believe you can't control (though, as people on here have said to you before, there are many avenues somebody can take to improve their appearances) and relies on absolutes and fatalistic thinking. It gives you an excuse not to _try _to do anything about your problems, or try to go after the things you want, because you've already convinced yourself of failure. It completely removes your personal responsibility/self-accountability for your situation because it makes everything to do with external factors outside your influence (the world, other people, your face) and nothing at all to do with your choices, your actions, your words and the way you treat people. So you get to remain static, stay in your comfort zone and never change. You never have to take any risks because you've already decided what the outcome will be.

I mean, maybe it's presumptuous of me to speculate all that. But over time I feel like I've read enough of your posts - and read enough of the same posts from you again and again with slightly different wording, it feels like - to make an educated guess. Once again, you say you don't want sugar coating, so here it is - this is my opinion. I've never even seen a picture of you so your appearance is completely immaterial to me, you bring it up constantly but how you look is barely even relevant. It's only how you act about it and towards people in general that gives people on SAS this reaction to you.

This is the last thread I'm going to respond to you in. You're right, we do see things too differently.


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## hester (Mar 8, 2014)

I know it can seem like a lie when people claim "looks don't matter", but for me this is mostly true. Although I can appreciate an attractive person, I often find people I didn't initially think were good-looking to be attractive once I get to know them. A good personality can really make someone more attractive, just as a bad personality can make someone ugly.


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