# Anybody here rarely get approached by guys? or get approached A LOT?



## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

I don't know if it's a NYC area thing or not, or if it's just me personally, but guys rarely if ever approach me. 
I'm not expecting to get approached, but i thought average/plain looking girls
are approached far more often than their attractive counterparts. 
I've had a few guys (not my type) approach me in class at my college (more like 3-4 times a year), but that's about it. 

Any other of you GIRLS rarely get approached by guys? I can't help but feel ugly. I know it's a stupid thing to base your attractiveness on how often guys approach you (or maybe it's a reliable factor)....

EDIT: I would like to hear responses from mainly girls, thanks


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

define "approach"...

because walking up to you does not count as flirting.


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

regimes said:


> define "approach"...
> 
> because walking up to you does not count as flirting.


approach can range from asking a female classmate a harmless Q related to the class to a stranger on the street cat calling you...


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Not sure if approach means flirting or not. 

I rarely get approached, period. Guys are fewer and farther between. I think it less has to do with looks, and more with your "aura"---as in, attitude. The way you carry yourself. Whether or not you've got a pouty frown plastered on your face and at which angle your eyebrows are positioned. That kind of stuff. If you want more people to approach you, work on your posture and smiling more. 

Also---sometimes you just can't wait for someone to come up and start blabbing at you. Not all encounters are passive. You approach some, some approach you. Give and take. If people in class, for instance, see you conversing with another classmate, they may take an interest in you; take it as an ok-to-go sign that you're open for business.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Never really. Whether it's flirting, or even asking a question.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

I'm never approached.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I got approached this weekend by someone in a cafe, which was a rare and shocking occurrence for me. I hardly ever get talked to or approached. Back when I was going to school, I got a couple people try to talk to me over the years, but not much at all, maybe 2-3 and it was just brief encounters.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

I have to be in a social setting and dressed good enough to be approached. I need to go shopping and I have SA, so yeah.


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

Monroee said:


> I got approached this weekend by someone in a cafe, which was a rare and shocking occurrence for me. I hardly ever get talked to or approached. Back when I was going to school, I got a couple people try to talk to me over the years, but not much at all, maybe 2-3 and it was just brief encounters.


based on all the answers so far, seems like rarely being approached isn't a rare thing


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

ilovemusic89 said:


> I don't know if it's a NYC area thing or not, or if it's just me personally, but guys rarely if ever approach me.
> I'm not expecting to get approached, *but i thought average/plain looking girls are approached far more often than their attractive counterparts. *
> I've had a few guys (not my type) approach me in class at my college (more like 3-4 times a year), but that's about it.


LOL, what makes you think this?


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## IveGotToast (Jan 1, 2013)

Guys never approach me


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

IveGotToast said:


> Guys never approach me


Me neither.


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> LOL, what makes you think this?


well, sometimes good looking people tend to be intimidating?
don't know if that true or not, but I would personally agree with that


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

IveGotToast said:


> Guys never approach me


okay, i should have clarified in my post. "Any FEMALES here that rarely get approached"....


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## Lil Sebastian (Feb 26, 2012)

Only when I'm in a city. Then I get approached all the time by junkies trying to con money out of me. Hundreds of people on the streets yet they approach me constantly. Almost makes me feel special ^.^


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

ilovemusic89 said:


> well, sometimes good looking people tend to be intimidating?
> don't know if that true or not, but I would personally agree with that


I can see from a SA point of view, it kind of makes sense. But in reality, good looking women are approached 10x more frequently than average or below average women.


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I never get approached, whether it be flirting or whether it just be asking a question in class or directions on the street. I'm never spoken to or acknowledged, not even just by girls. IDK what that says about me, haha.


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## IveGotToast (Jan 1, 2013)

Lil Sebastian said:


> Only when I'm in a city. Then I get approached all the time by junkies trying to con money out of me. Hundreds of people on the streets yet they approach me constantly. Almost makes me feel special ^.^


:haha


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> I can see from a SA point of view, it kind of makes sense. But in reality, good looking women are approached 10x more frequently than average or below average women.


makes a lot of sense, kinda...


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

ilovemusic89 said:


> makes a lot of sense, kinda...


If guys aren't approaching you, maybe you should start approaching guys that you like. It's better than not doing anything, that's for sure.

I'm a total hypocrite btw. The few relationships that I had in the past, all resulted from the girl initiating it. So I guess it is better to be lucky than assertive. LOL. This probably doesn't even help. Sorry.:um


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i always get approached by guys both rl and ol -_-


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

monotonous said:


> i always get approached by guys both rl and ol -_-


You must be pretty hot.


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## ilovemusic89 (Apr 30, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> If guys aren't approaching you, maybe you should start approaching guys that you like. It's better than not doing anything, that's for sure.
> 
> I'm a total hypocrite btw. The few relationships that I had in the past, all resulted from the girl initiating it. So I guess it is better to be lucky than assertive. LOL. This probably doesn't even help. Sorry.:um


nah. i'm in the school that believes that guys should approach girls first esp. in regards to a romantic relationship...i'm old school in that way


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

ilovemusic89 said:


> nah. i'm in the school that believes that guys should approach girls first esp. in regards to a romantic relationship...i'm old school in that way


That school of thought works great if you are being approached by guys. If you are not, it is just another way to justify being single and lonely. Whatever, it's your life.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I've actually only ever been approached once and it was by a gay guy. So technically I rarely get approached by guys :teeth


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## Forwhatiamworth (Mar 3, 2013)

Its pretty rare that I am ever approached in a romantic manner by any man. I talk to men on a daily basis but nothing has ever been flirtatious. One old male friends told me that men see women as desperate when they hit on them, don't know whether or not thats true......but I'm sure as hell too scared to try. But something i do is when I get to know guys I pay attention to the women they "check out" and see if I match up, if I don't then I just forget it......I don't have a chance.


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

Rarely.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

What do U mean by "not your type"?

If one would always count on a "type" one will never find love.


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## karachey94 (Mar 12, 2013)

Okay- a lot of it depends on where I am, how I'm feeling, and what I'm wearing. I used to feel like that in high school, but then I came to college and my numbers went way up. Do you mean "approached" like if I'm at a party and a guy wants to dance with me? Well, if I'm "out", then I'd say I get that quite frequently- I average uh, maybe between 7-8+ guys that "approach me" in the span of 2 hours? But then again, I'm dressed up, my makeup is done, and I'm there to dance. If you mean approached in the sense that guys are texting you and inviting you places, then maybe like 6 or 7+ guys in the last semester? But if you mean "approached" as in guys who are talking to you... gosh idk. I have a lot of both guy and girl friends so a lot of people talk to me . But: if you mean "approached" when I'm at the library and studying with my glasses on and headphones in.. well, I don't get approached by any guys then haha. That's perfect by me though-I'm there to study, not flirt:b]. I wasn't always like that. It wasn't until I was at a party with my my friend, and she pointed out to me when we were out that like "5 guys just checked you out" and apparently I was totally oblivious to it all. I remember feeling super surprised cause I really had no idea. I'm still bad at it telling when people are flirting with me- I'm really friendly to everybody so I just assume people are being friendly back lol . Hun, I bet tons of guys are checking you out, and I bet you have no idea. keep an open mind, have fun, be you, and don't worry about it.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

id say that the average guy approches a maybe 4 or 5 girls a years not counting at parties... so if u dont go to parties OP that means that ur probably getting approached a fair amount considering that guys dont approach girls that often outside of party/bar like events were its expected...


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Forwhatiamworth said:


> Its pretty rare that I am ever approached in a romantic manner by any man. I talk to men on a daily basis but nothing has ever been flirtatious. *One old male friends told me that men see women as desperate when they hit on them*, don't know whether or not thats true......but I'm sure as hell too scared to try. But something i do is when I get to know guys I pay attention to the women they "check out" and see if I match up, if I don't then I just forget it......I don't have a chance.


not true lol... from talking to friends who it has happened to (cause its only happened to me like once, its kind of more of a refreshing feeling when a guy gets approached by a girl cause it so rarely happens


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## karachey94 (Mar 12, 2013)

illmatic1 said:


> ...its kind of more of a refreshing feeling when a guy gets approached by a girl cause it so rarely happens


Approaching guys can be scary. Flirting with guys is easy, I do it all the time. They flirt back, it's fun. But actually approaching guys and inviting them out with you like on a date- well, it's not the norm, so when a girl does it it's a big deal. I've done it before, and to be totally %100 honest, I've been turned down a few times. And rejection hurts. :rain


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

karachey94 said:


> Approaching guys can be scary. Flirting with guys is easy, I do it all the time. They flirt back, it's fun. But actually approaching guys and inviting them out with you like on a date- well, it's not the norm, so when a girl does it it's a big deal. I've done it before, and to be totally %100 honest, I've been turned down a few times. And rejection hurts. :rain


ahaha, ive been turned down at least 50 times lol... u get numb to it after a while


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## karachey94 (Mar 12, 2013)

illmatic1 said:


> ahaha, ive been turned down at least 50 times lol... u get numb to it after a while


don't get discouraged. remember: it only takes one


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I never get approached by guys (except for old classmates occasionally saying hi, or being asked for directions or where to find something once in a while in Wal-Mart, for some reason people--male and female--keep thinking I work there  :sus ). Ever. Which is fine by me, since it'd freak me out and I'd think it's a cruel joke if anybody did.

My face is somewhat below average (plain, at best) in appearance; my body is dumpy and short and fat. And swaybacked. I imagine this has a lot to do with it, though the unwelcoming look on my face probably assists in keeping people away, too. :stu


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I never get approached by anyone. I kind of look like I could technically "snap" at any moment, so I'm not exactly approachable.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

Guys just start talk to me fairly often considering how little time I actually spend in public, I guess, but I do not frequently get asked out in a respectful manner.


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## ElectricGhost (Feb 7, 2013)

women if you see a guy you like just let him know through body language. Any man with decent social skills will approach you. If i wasn't so socially awkward i would of had a fair amount of girlfriends. Women used to flirt with me (using body language) on the bus and trains every morning when I was going to college. Being so socially awkward and dumb blew all decent amount of chances I had though. Play with your hair, move your legs in a sexy way, wear nice outfits and make your hair really nice, put makeup on in front of him, pass him a glance a couple times. 

For those of you women who are self conscious about how you look don't be. If you feel it's bad you can always improve. To me most women are at least decent looking. My cousins and uncles would criticize some the women I like but there was nothing wrong with those women. Don't believe everything negative thing you here for those of you who are self conscious about your looks. I remember there was this woman that was extremely beautiful in college and every guy was drooling and thinking of ways to approach her even the confident guys who who had lots of women in their lives were intimidated by her. That girl was so shy and had such low self esteem I felt so sad for her. I'm sure she suffers/ed from SA.


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## slytherin (Dec 30, 2012)

I've had this a lot in the current place I live, but never anywhere else. It's always the same type of guy, too, they always seem kind of shy and when I respond in a positive manner they practically RUN AWAY??? I'm never quite sure what they were trying to get out of the interaction and why they want to get away from me so fast. *shrugs*


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## MaccinLikeIMacc (Mar 16, 2013)

On the real, Im gonna keep it 100 with you females. Im from NYC and you can still be cute but if a dude dont approach you can probably be two or more things.

1) Fear of rejection or 2 ) He tryna game you but with body language though 

Message Me if you want me to elaborate ladies.


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## CinnamonDelight (Jul 1, 2013)

Guys never approach me. Well.... not in a serious manner.
I don´t count they ´ay girl´ ghetto types of boys as serious approaches.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

I was once approached by two guys, who wanted my handphone and wallet.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I've never approached any girl, cause I always think they won't want to talk to a weirdo like me, and I would be bothering them, I've noticed many girls I've liked, I won't lie it kills me a little every time when I can't talk to them.....girls I know liked me in the past scared me..lol.. I always thought why do they like me..i guess I can't see my own positive points is the problem....


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

markwalters2 said:


> I was once approached by two guys, who wanted my handphone and wallet.


Always lock your cellphone and never carry cash on you, always credit cards with theft protection (if you absolutely must, keep it somewhere safe like your underpants, unless it's an insignificant amount). Also have a tracking app installed on your phone.

I have a Nexus 4, which while an expensive smartphone, doesn't have a removable battery. Since it's locked, they can't turn it off without breaking it. All it would take is at least an hour and police would be swarming all over them.


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## kittyxbabe (Oct 7, 2012)

No, they never approach me but they give me a lot of dirty looks


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I never get approached but it's probably because I don't go out anywhere where someone would have the chance to approach me. It would be weird though, to get approached, because I don't really talk and the things I do say don't really make much sense or come off as mean-spirited, even if I don't mean them to be.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Sacrieur said:


> Always lock your cellphone and never carry cash on you, always credit cards with theft protection (if you absolutely must, keep it somewhere safe like your underpants, unless it's an insignificant amount). Also have a tracking app installed on your phone.
> 
> I have a Nexus 4, which while an expensive smartphone, doesn't have a removable battery. Since it's locked, they can't turn it off without breaking it. All it would take is at least an hour and police would be swarming all over them.


The police really don't bother to do such a thing here, even with a tracking app showing the exact location of a person who took and has your phone. They are too busy being useless. You pretty much have to go after your phone yourself.


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

I have never ever ever ever been approached by a girl. Well, actually,a few months ago when I was walking home,a random girl came up to me said hi and introduced herself, then walked away. And that was that.


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## CheekyBunny (Nov 10, 2013)

I use to get approached and stuff a lot more in the past when I would put a lot of effort into my outward appearance. I'm not as bothered these days anymore these days.


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## matte (Sep 10, 2011)

I've had a few gay guys approach me. Probably because I look like a catcher...


Wait what was the topic again


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I've had it happen a handful of times. Last time was at work when one of the customers straight up asked for my number while I was on my 10 min. break.


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## Salvador Dali (Oct 26, 2013)

Never been approached, ever.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

Not often,but norwegians don't really approach each other unless they're ****faced.
I don't get approached when people are ****faced either,but I don't really smile a lot or anything so I guess I don't give people the friendliest vibe.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Noca said:


> The police really don't bother to do such a thing here, even with a tracking app showing the exact location of a person who took and has your phone. They are too busy being useless. You pretty much have to go after your phone yourself.


Funny, because that's illegal here.

I could recover the monetary losses to myself by threatening with a lawsuit and settling for the price of the stolen devices and incurred legal fees.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't get randomly approached by people in the sense you're talking about. I don't think many people in the UK do though. I don't know anyone who's ever gotten a date out of a stranger approaching them.

In clubs and for sex it's no doubt easier, but I've never been looking for that and I've only ever been approached once by some slightly drunk guy. I'm not good looking enough for that though either (not most people's 'type' you know.) Plus I come across as _very _ unapproachable in all situations.


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## HopefulDreamer (Feb 26, 2012)

I've never been approached by guys.


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

Unfortunately, it's only guys that approach me and I have yet to feel tempted enough to even consider trying that. Girls ignore me up until the point when I am out with a female friend.


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

AceEmoKid said:


> Not sure if approach means flirting or not.
> 
> I rarely get approached, period. Guys are fewer and farther between. I think it less has to do with looks, and more with your "aura"---as in, attitude. The way you carry yourself. Whether or not you've got a pouty frown plastered on your face and at which angle your eyebrows are positioned. That kind of stuff. If you want more people to approach you, work on your posture and smiling more.
> 
> Also---sometimes you just can't wait for someone to come up and start blabbing at you. Not all encounters are passive. You approach some, some approach you. Give and take. If people in class, for instance, see you conversing with another classmate, they may take an interest in you; take it as an ok-to-go sign that you're open for business.


I agree with this to an extent. I don't get approached much either, and when I do the guys are losers. I used to feel bad about this too but gradually I realized that this is not that uncommon. Most people in good quality relationships didn't meet randomly in public. Some have, but not most. When it comes to meeting someone, one way to do it is to be involved in activities and allow people to get to know you, as well as initiating yourself like the above person wrote. Believe me, I know this is easier said then done. I'm still working on it myself.

Further, I know this is hard to believe this but attractiveness is more than looks. A person's overall package, their demeanor, personality and attitude contribute to attractiveness. Haven't we all seen guys and girls in relationships who we might not think are the most good-looking people. I
have, but hey they've got someone, probably in part because they have other attractive qualities. I just think it's a more positive and productive way of looking at this. There is a video on Youtube from a guy named Matthew Hussey, he talks about this. What he said really made me feel better. Check it out on Youtube, let us know what you think.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't get randomly approached by people in the sense you're talking about. I don't think many people in the UK do though. I don't know anyone who's ever gotten a date out of a stranger approaching them.
> 
> In clubs and for sex it's no doubt easier, but I've never been looking for that and I've only ever been approached once by some slightly drunk guy. I'm not good looking enough for that though either (not most people's 'type' you know.) Plus I come across as _very _ unapproachable in all situations.


I've never been randomly approached either. Actually, I've never even witnessed it happening to somebody else.

The only place I ever get approached is pubs/bars/clubs. In the former two it's really rare, in the latter it happens a lot. But everybody is so desperate that it really doesn't count.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

lisbeth said:


> I've never been randomly approached either. Actually, I've never even witnessed it happening to somebody else.
> 
> The only place I ever get approached is pubs/bars/clubs. In the former two it's really rare, in the latter it happens a lot. But everybody is so desperate that it really doesn't count.


Yeah I hear people say that a lot about clubs, though it's not been my experience. I used to go clubbing fairly often at uni. Some people I was with made out with strangers a couple of times though.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

a perfect example ugly guys shouldn't bother to approach women and just pay for it


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Are you more likely to get approached if you wear a dress (a normal one, not a sexy one)?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> I've never been randomly approached either. Actually, I've never even witnessed it happening to somebody else.
> 
> The only place I ever get approached is pubs/bars/clubs. In the former two it's really rare, in the latter it happens a lot. But everybody is so desperate that it really doesn't count.


It happened in Japan a few times but that's just cause I stood out. Happened once at a bus stop in SF. Rather unattractive middle-aged Chinese guy.

I saw it happen on the train one time in SF. Good looking tattoo/big holes in ears guy sat down next to a good looking girl (think she has a tattoo, not sure) and started chatting. Then he asked for her phone number.


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## Bluestar29 (Oct 26, 2013)

I've been approached two times by guys. First guy was in a gym and the other time was during a jog.

Only been approached by one girl.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah I hear people say that a lot about clubs, though it's not been my experience. I used to go clubbing fairly often at uni. Some people I was with made out with strangers a couple of times though.


I think it depends a lot on how large a group you go with (or rather, stick with), whether it's mixed-gender, and how much you mix with strangers. If you're hanging around on the edges just talking to/drinking with/dancing with the people you came with, it's very different from if you're just with a couple of other girls in the most crowded places.

Also very different if you're a little bit drunk and giving guys the eye.



monotonous said:


> a perfect example ugly guys shouldn't bother to approach women and just pay for it


Where in this thread are you drawing that conclusion from?



komorikun said:


> Are you more likely to get approached if you wear a dress (a normal one, not a sexy one)?


I don't know, but I wear dresses or skirts ~70% of the time regardless of where I'm going and haven't noticed any difference between the way people act then and when I'm wearing jeans.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> I don't know, but I wear dresses or skirts ~70% of the time regardless of where I'm going and haven't noticed any difference between the way people act then and when I'm wearing jeans.


Just curious. Because my sister always wears dresses and people do seem to talk to her a lot, not just guys.


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## CheekyBunny (Nov 10, 2013)

monotonous said:


> a perfect example ugly guys shouldn't bother to approach women _out of their league_ and just pay for it


Fixed. You were missing something.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

CheekyBunny said:


> Fixed. You were missing something.


who are you to judge what's their league


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

monotonous said:


> who are you to judge what's their league


Everybody judges. If not, none of us would be having SA.  ...


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## Khantko (Apr 27, 2012)

well... i've only approached a girl once in my entire life. It was in a grocery market, she was sampling mixed nuts. I thought she was cute and she was sending positive signals so i thought "what the heck, ask her out" So i asked if she wanted to catch a movie and she replied "sorry, i have a boyfriend" 

never again...


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

Khantko said:


> well... i've only approached a girl once in my entire life. It was in a grocery market, she was sampling mixed nuts. I thought she was cute and she was sending positive signals so i thought "what the heck, ask her out" So i asked if she wanted to catch a movie and she replied "sorry, i have a boyfriend"
> 
> never again...


sorry, i have a boyfriend = sorry you are too ugly


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## CheekyBunny (Nov 10, 2013)

monotonous said:


> who are you to judge what's their league


Whether you like it or not, we all judge. The 'ugly' guy has a better chance of success dealing with women on or around his own level (in a physical sense), especially in the context of cold approaching. *That's harsh, but that's reality* for most people as there are always exceptions.

The hot, popular cheerleader probably won't settle with the ugly nerd when she knows she can get good looking, popular star quarterback.


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

monotonous said:


> sorry, i have a boyfriend = sorry you are too ugly


Or maybe she has a boyfriend. What if she sent out these positive signals to Khantko because she thinks he is cute, and wants him to know that, and nothing more?

Don't be discouraged, rather see her signals as a positive reinforcement of your attractiveness.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

hasbeenpugged said:


> Or maybe she has a boyfriend. What if she sent out these positive signals to Khantko because she thinks he is cute, and wants him to know that, and nothing more?
> 
> Don't be discouraged, rather see her signals as a positive reinforcement of your attractiveness.


i didn't mean he's ugly, i'm not the one rejected him, based on his profile pic i think he's cute


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

monotonous said:


> sorry, i have a boyfriend = sorry you are too ugly


Or they actually have a boyfriend, you know?


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

monotonous said:


> i didn't mean he's ugly, i'm not the one rejected him, based on his profile pic i think he's cute


I didn't mean to imply that  .
It's just that sometimes, girls don't see or judge things the way you think. Sometimes.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

hasbeenpugged said:


> I didn't mean to imply that  .
> It's just that sometimes, girls don't see or judge things the way you think. Sometimes.


let's say it was brad pitt approached her, would she say: sorry i have a boyfriend and turn him down, i get what you are saying but most likely she's lying, even she did have a bf she wouldn't turn down an overly cute guy


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

True that. For some people at least. The thing is, would you want to be with someone who's brain turns of when exposed to high levels of cuteness, to the point where she forgets about her boyfriend? 

I have been told though that confidence is more attractive than cuteness. Let's just hope that most of us in this forum eventually become confident enough to make the ladies, or guys, swoon.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

monotonous said:


> let's say it was brad pitt approached her, would she say: sorry i have a boyfriend and turn him down, i get what you are saying but most likely she's lying, even she did have a bf she wouldn't turn down an overly cute guy


Why do people use Brad Pitt as the epitome of male attractiveness? He's always seemed so generic to me. His personality does nothing for me really either...

There are other issues with your post, but I'll address that one instead since everything else is obvious.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

monotonous said:


> sorry, i have a boyfriend = sorry you are too ugly














monotonous said:


> let's say it was brad pitt approached her, would she say: sorry i have a boyfriend and turn him down, i get what you are saying but most likely she's lying, even she did have a bf she wouldn't turn down an overly cute guy


Yes, you're absolutely right. All women are naturally unfaithful and have a compulsion to collect no end of cute guys. It's an affliction. We're basically magpies.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Why do people use Brad Pitt as the epitome of male attractiveness? He's always seemed so generic to me. His personality does nothing for me really either...
> 
> There are other issues with your post, but I'll address that one instead since everything else is obvious.


can you really say no to this guy?


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## Bluestar29 (Oct 26, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Why do people use Brad Pitt as the epitome of male attractiveness? He's always seemed so generic to me. His personality does nothing for me really either...
> 
> There are other issues with your post, but I'll address that one instead since everything else is obvious.


Clearly you haven't seen Fight Club.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

monotonous said:


> can you really say no to this guy?


Yup.



Bluestar29 said:


> Clearly you haven't seen Fight Club.


I have, I enjoyed the film, but he's just not my type what can I say? :stu


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> Yes, you're absolutely right. All women are naturally unfaithful and have a compulsion to collect no end of cute guys. It's an affliction. We're basically magpies.


Are you talking about this?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=magpie syndrome



> An irrational affinity for shiny objects. When a highly shiny object is seen by the sufferer it often may induce a compulsive need to claim it and several minutes of staring at said object in the sun. This will later end in the sufferer pocketing the object to add to his/her collection by a sunny windowsill at home. If a shiny object is ouside of a sufferer's grasp it will usually result in an strong, though usually short-lived obsession over it.


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## hasbeenpugged (Nov 10, 2013)

Saying no to Christina Hendricks would present itself a difficult task for me. :blush
(being single that is)


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

monotonous said:


> let's say it was brad pitt approached her, would she say: sorry i have a boyfriend and turn him down, i get what you are saying but most likely she's lying, even she did have a bf she wouldn't turn down an overly cute guy


So all women would cheat...? :|



lisbeth said:


> Yes, you're absolutely right. All women are naturally unfaithful and have a compulsion to collect no end of cute guys. It's an affliction. We're basically magpies.


Ah, beaten to it, and more eloquently too.



Persephone The Dread said:


> Why do people use Brad Pitt as the epitome of male attractiveness? He's always seemed so generic to me. His personality does nothing for me really either...


I've never understood it either, I've even asked this same question on this forum more than once in the past. What is the deal with Brad Pitt already. It's almost always guys naming him as the epitome of male attractiveness, too. I'm thinking guys here find Brad Pitt more attractive than women here do. :|



monotonous said:


> can you really say no to this guy?


Yes, because even though he's physically attractive, I don't *personally* find him attractive. :stu To answer your first question, if I were attracted enough to a guy that I were _in a relationship with him_, then Brad Pitt could not drag me away.

Plus I know of lots of other guys I find a lot more physically attractive than he is... :sus


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## XxVampireLov3rXx (Sep 8, 2013)

I NEVER get approached then again i am not in a position to possibly be approached i live with my parents and i am in my s*** room all day! But when I was in high school i never got approached same with when i got a job before getting fired after 3 weeks. I also have no doubt in my mind if i land another job it will be the same thing people will completely ignore me and pretend i don't exist except when they decide to give me a dirty stare


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## Pompeii (Aug 25, 2013)

komorikun said:


> Are you more likely to get approached if you wear a dress (a normal one, not a sexy one)?


I wear a dress every single day and haven't been approached by a bloke since Clinton was in power.


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## fairdesires (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm a transgender person so theres times I go out as a girl and times I go out as male. When i'm out as a girl I get approched at least 70% of the time, by men and women. But when i'm out and about as a male, I hardly ever get approched.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

monotonous said:


> can you really say no to this guy?


I can :teeth


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## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

I don't think it's that common for guys to just approach girls in the daytime. I mean it happens but not as often as say a night club or party where alcohol is involved..(which I rarely partake in along with people with SA)

And I don't think it's about if you look average or pretty or whatever, I think it's mostly about looking available and smiling.. So probably group of girls smiling are more likely to get approached than just one girl that is walking around looking pouty (like me). Also I go out with my mom a lot so that's kind of a block. I get looks but all girls do


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

karenw said:


> I don't get approached, I don't look for it, Im pleased I don't, I get looked at that's enough for me, I check them out too haha, well I just look back anyway.
> 
> Edit : I don't smile, they don't smile, what's the point lol


its always good to smile, promotes happiness, though some people probly get the wrong idea, ..< this is an upsidedown frown, not smiling btw...


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## Moochie (Nov 11, 2012)

I rarely get approached. Maybe 2 times in my life. My boyfriend meeting me doesn't count right? That was a schelduled meet not a random encounter..


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## Moochie (Nov 11, 2012)

monotonous said:


> can you really say no to this guy?


I can say no to him. I prefer Jared Padalecki. ;-)


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## tieffers (Jan 26, 2013)

It's not always a reliable factor. It has a lot to do with how approachable you look, I think - if you come off as friendly and amicable or cold and distant, and having SA can definitely make you seem like the latter, even if you really are a warm person.

I don't get approached that often, though I really don't get out much! I guess it happens occasionally?

Otherwise, despite the fact that I'm really quiet and withdrawn, I must not seem too mean, because people (even strangers) are generally pretty friendly and chatty and quick to strike up a conversation. But I automatically smile if anyone so much as looks at me, so that might be why.

Making eye contact and smiling is all most people usually need to feel comfortable in approaching you, be it with romantic or just friendly intent. It makes you seem welcoming.

I'm pretty socially inept, though, so I shouldn't be giving advice.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

I get approached a lot by guys but since I'm socially retarded I don't really interact with them so they just kind of go away. I had one guy who was really pushy and wouldn't leave unless I gave him my phone number so I gave him a fake one.


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## Double Entendre (Nov 22, 2013)

Probably the fear of rejection. One radio show had some attractive woman go to 3 different bars and sit by herself and no one approached her. Women please start approaching us for a change :idea


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

i get approached by gay guys way to often.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Why do people use Brad Pitt as the epitome of male attractiveness? He's always seemed so generic to me. His personality does nothing for me really either...
> 
> There are other issues with your post, but I'll address that one instead since everything else is obvious.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.

It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"

I was very aware of the group of men he was with standing nearby. When I walked away from him he just followed me - I left the building and he followed me outside, so I went back inside, he followed me again, I went back outside. All this time he's trying to put his arm around me and asking me how old I am. Two of his friends caught on and started bothering me too, each coming up within inches of me, one of them was touching me, and each telling me to give them my number. I kept saying no, but it didn't make any difference. I walked away from them again and the first guy just backed me into a corner by a wall, and then again by a pole. It was really hard to wriggle past him. At this point I was feeling really threatened, so I went back to the venue doors and told the two security guys that he was bothering me. He followed me over to them and still kept at it with the touching and leaning and asking me where I lived and why I wouldn't give him my number. These two security were standing two feet away, watching, but didn't say anything about it.

It was actually twenty minutes before he left me alone. I don't remember how I got rid of him in the end, seeing as no matter how many times I told him no it didn't seem to register. I hung around by the security for a while afterwards, who laughed to me about it and said 'Poor lad, he tried'. Then when my cousins finally did call me, I had to walk past this guy again and hear his friends call out that I was a *****.

Yeah. That made me feel kind of unsafe. Not really the best way to approach someone for their number.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

^ You must be pretty hot to arouse such emotions in a few males. Maybe you should take that as a compliment. Bring a pepper spray next time


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## Monster123 (Aug 15, 2013)

I don't think I would ever click on if someone was checking me out, I mean how do you even know? I smile at people but it doesn't mean Im checking them all out.

As for being approached it hasn't ever happened that much. I think due to SA I can look unapproachable.

A guy I speak to on the phone at work kind of asked me on a date the other day. Im sure he can sense my phone awkwardness and is playing on it. Plus he hasn't even seen me before.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

monotonous said:


> let's say it was brad pitt approached her, would she say: sorry i have a boyfriend and turn him down, i get what you are saying but most likely she's lying, even she did have a bf she wouldn't turn down an overly cute guy


Of course she most likely would turn down a cute guy, unless her relationship wasn't doing well at that precise moment. Being handsome is not some sort of free pass for pussay. The bond/chemistry you share with someone is stronger than that. I'm sure males, on the other hand, will be more tempted to cheat if a hot girl hits on them. Which is not to say that all would.

That being said, if a celebrity was to truly approach a woman, than yes, I can see how his fame would most definitely play in his favor. Fame would actually be a decent argument, rather than handsomeness.



tehuti88 said:


> Plus I know of lots of other guys I find a lot more physically attractive than he is... :sus














markwalters2 said:


> ^ You must be pretty hot to arouse such emotions in a few males.* Maybe you should take that as a compliment.* Bring a pepper spray next time


I hope this is just you being witty, and not serious. Hard to take it as a compliment when a group of impolite D-bags treat you like some easy girl who loves to be touched in public, and insulted in front of others...


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

markwalters2 said:


> ^ You must be pretty hot to arouse such emotions in a few males. Maybe you should take that as a compliment. Bring a pepper spray next time


Is this a joke?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.
> 
> It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"
> 
> ...


That's harassment and I would have freaked the f'k out. Those security guards are completely useless.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yeah I agree that was too much from those guys. If you said no they should have stopped.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

That sounds like a really unpleasant experience.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

komorikun said:


> That's harassment and I would have freaked the f'k out. Those security guards are completely useless.





meganmila said:


> Yeah I agree that was too much from those guys. If you said no they should have stopped.





Stilla said:


> That sounds like a really unpleasant experience.


Thanks. ♥

It's not the first time that I've encountered guys who have got kind of pushy/aggressive, and honestly, the thing that sticks with me about these experiences isn't the guys themselves but the reaction, or rather _lack of reaction_ from bystanders. Or the lack of reaction from my friends when I tell them about it afterwards. That's the thing that troubles me. I can brush off what happens and forget about it quickly, but what stays in my mind is the fact that nobody seems to think it's a big deal. Once when I was in a club I had a guy physically pick me up and try to carry me off, and when I told people about it afterwards they just shrugged. Or when I got groped - which thankfully has only happened once - my male friends were just like, "well, that's what happens." Maybe it's stupid, but it's that attitude to it that makes me feel more unsafe than the acts themselves. It really kind of drives it home how much female space and bodily integrity isn't respected, and that's kind of a tough pill to swallow.

I mean, it's not like that sort of thing happens to me a lot, but it shouldn't happen to women at all.

Anyway, to get back onto the thread topic, yeah, I don't really get approached much. I've definitely never had a guy ask for my number or anything in the daytime.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

I get what you mean lisbeth. There's been times I've been harassed in public and it's the worst feeling when you feel like people are looking the other way and are pretty much ignoring what's going on. Especially when you're actually asking for help! Just makes you feel ridiculously unsafe. Part of what's scary is not knowing whether the people walking by or observing are scared to interfere or if they simply just don't care...

But to answer the question in the op and going by the definition ilovemusic89 gave


ilovemusic89 said:


> approach can range from asking a female classmate a harmless Q related to the class to a stranger on the street cat calling you...


I do think I get approached quite often in public (day time, I'm never out at night) but I don't think they're flirting for the most part. It can be random guys saying hi in passing, stopping me for directions, small talk, asking me out (not as often as just approaching), cat calls (again not that often) or guys honking or waving from cars (quite frequently). I don't know what it is because I don't think it's my looks and I don't think I look very friendly and approachable.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.
> 
> It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear that, that sounds annoying and uncomfortable. He was probably drunk or high. That's the problem with concerts - I've heard a bunch of stories of people under the influence acting really inappropriate like that.


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## Double Entendre (Nov 22, 2013)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.
> 
> It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"
> 
> ...


That's some ****ed up ****. It's situations like that where I'm glad I'm not a girl.


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## BelowtheCurrent (Mar 14, 2013)

I tend to get stalked a lot. A few people have taken my email from online class lists and messaged me trying to be all casual, but it just comes off as creepy, so I never reply. In the general public not really.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment...


Oh God, I would've been screaming bloody murder, not out of anger but out of sheer terror. :afr :afr :afr Ugh...horrible horrible horrible.

And I would've liked to smack those "security" guys... >:/



Mr Bacon said:


>


Aha, yes! You're catching on. :clap


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

tehuti88 said:


> Oh God, I would've been screaming bloody murder, not out of anger but out of sheer terror. :afr :afr :afr Ugh...horrible horrible horrible.
> 
> And I would've liked to smack those "security" guys... >:/


Yeah, that's not right. I'm glad you are okay, lisbeth.


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

I guess I get complimented pretty much any time I go out, but all the girls around here look awful, so I'm not taking it too seriously.


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

I get approached, but its always flirting because they are too nervous to actually ask and instead go out of thier way to make convo or be nice (hold the door when am no where near it, bring me what i want instead of getting it, give me extra of something or for free...) which is so obvious, but at the time am like oh wow that was nice of them oddly, i never assume it is flirting. I've had more bold approaches too but its more rare... they mostly might think am stuck up right after but am super shy with getting approached, barely even notice it was flirting, and it comes off kind of cold...

i think most guys are fearful with approaching a woman so they do a lot of unnecessary nice ish that might go over the girls head atm. Like this one guy when I took the bus from campus my sophmore year, it was super full and i came in with 3 girls and 3 guys and was forced to stand near bus driver and hold on for dear life. This guy actually got up and gave me his seat even though a crap ton of people were standing, I was like oh that is nice thanks. he looked like he wanted to say something and kept looking over but I just put my ipod on and kept it moving, looking back I think he wanted to approach but I didn't see him giving me a seat as trying to approach but being nice. So that's what I mean with the passive flirting ish, like thanks for the favorable treatment but I dont see it as anything but, I just assume thier being nice maybe its my SA side that assumes that idk.


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## Mlochail (Jul 11, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.
> 
> It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you had to go through that. I personally never saw anything like that happening near me. I'm sure most moral aware people would've responded. Although it's strange your friends and stuff don't think much of it. I sure as hell don't think 'it's no big deal.' I mean, it's one thing if the other party plays along but if the other party shows clear resistance... pretty much harrasment.

The only thing separating us from the beasts in the wild is proper moral and sense of ethics. Pepperspray might just be a good investment for you.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

tehuti88 said:


> Oh God, I would've been screaming bloody murder, not out of anger but out of sheer terror. :afr :afr :afr Ugh...horrible horrible horrible.
> 
> And I would've liked to smack those "security" guys... >:/





housebunny said:


> Yeah, that's not right. I'm glad you are okay, lisbeth.


Thank you. ♥



Mlochail said:


> I'm sorry you had to go through that. I personally never saw anything like that happening near me. I'm sure most moral aware people would've responded. Although it's strange your friends and stuff don't think much of it. I sure as hell don't think 'it's no big deal.' I mean, it's one thing if the other party plays along but if the other party shows clear resistance... pretty much harrasment.
> 
> The only thing separating us from the beasts in the wild is proper moral and sense of ethics. Pepperspray might just be a good investment for you.


Thanks for the sympathy, but that's not something I'd even consider. Pepper spray is illegal in the UK, and even if it wasn't, it's a ridiculous idea that a woman should have to carry a weapon to defend herself in everyday public places.

Unfortunately, the bystander effect is a real thing. When we were fifteen, a friend I had at the time got sexually assaulted in a crowded train carriage while wearing her school uniform, and nobody helped her. People don't intervene. It's really ****ty, but it seems like that's just how it is.


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I got approached the other night and it was a really gross experience. Well, less of an approach and more just straight harassment.
> 
> It was maybe 11pm, I'd just been to a concert on my own and I was standing by the doors waiting for the girls I was meeting afterwards to call me. There was a group of guys standing nearby, one of whom kept trying to catch my eye and beckon me to come over. I didn't. I was hoping he was just wanting to have a friendly chat or whatever, but when he came over to me he was leaning against me and touching me before he'd even spoken to me. I kept stepping away, but he'd just move close again. I was trying to get him to go away and being very unresponsive, but instead of listening to that he kept repeating "Are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of me?"
> 
> ...


You get pricks like that everywhere

the security were **** for not doing anything about it and were most likely ****bags. It gives us guys a bad name when you get arseholes harassing you like that. Still at least you were okay in the end.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

lisbeth said:


> People don't intervene. It's really ****ty, but it seems like that's just how it is.


I do, if I think I can safely do something to help and even sometimes not even safely. I have gotten myself into trouble before, too, for doing it. I can't stand to see people hurting each other. Of course, I don't always do something if I see someone in distress but more often that not, I do. If I would have seen that, at that concert, I would have tried to help you. I would have either acted like I knew you, spoken to the guys, called the police, or started yelling. I wish more people would intervene when someone is hurting another person. I spent my entire childhood feeling like the whole world was in on some kind of conspiracy to keep me down or abuse me or something because _nobody would help me.

_Also, this reminds me of how they say the best way to deal with bullying in school is for the group to have a no tolerance policy, where the other children will intervene. Can you imagine on the playground if the whole playground stopped what they were doing if a distressing incident was occurring and came over like, "hey what's going on?" and try to help (all those involved)?


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

lisbeth said:


> Unfortunately, the bystander effect is a real thing. When we were fifteen, a friend I had at the time got sexually assaulted in a crowded train carriage while wearing her school uniform, and nobody helped her. People don't intervene. It's really ****ty, but it seems like that's just how it is.


The bystander effect bothers me *so* much...after reading about the Kitty Genovese case (exaggerated over the years, but still horrible) I felt quite disturbed for literally months. I was thinking about it all the time, running the scenario through in my head constantly, and feeling horrid.  I ended up having to first dwell on and then write a fictional version of my own (much different from/barely related to the real incident) before I could start moving on from obsessing about it all day and night. Some things...hit me *really* hard, I guess.

I honestly can't say that I would be able to intervene if something was happening  though I like to think I would at least try. It's horrific to be _surrounded_ by people who could help but they choose not to. It's almost inhuman.

I'm very sorry about your friend.


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