# Argument with girlfriend... should I text her first?



## dman93

Im starting to fall in love with this girl. Been dating for 6 months. Im 23, shes 28. We have a great, mature relationship. 

Shes been really stressed this week with her job. I just want her to be happy, i spoke to her on the phone this morning to try and calm her down, she starting yelling/cursing at me telling me "you dont f'n understand". She went on and on! Shes not a disrespectful girl but that was not so kind of her. She was definitley rude. I told her "you need to relax, im hanging up the phone, i have to go to work".. she said softly/sarcastically "have a good day". 

Havent heard from her since. I TEXTED HER FIRST TO APOLOGIZE AFTER EVERY PETTY ARGUMENT WE HAD. This time i did nothing wrong. Should she text me first this time???


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## Just Lurking

Isn't texting kind of impersonal for making up after an argument?

Just call her. None of this "_I'm always the first one_" stuff.


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## herk

no, and don't apologize.


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## dman93

Just Lurking said:


> Isn't texting kind of impersonal for making up after an argument?
> 
> Just call her. None of this "_I'm always the first one_" stuff.


True, but she works evenings. So i cant call her. She works 5pm-3am. And we always rely on texting while shes working. Every single night, we would text non stop. Today, nothing.... shes mad at me, i dont know why. Should i be the b***h and ask why?? Or should i leave it a text-less night between us...???


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## Whatev

No, you go outside her place and boombox serenade her.


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## CaptainMarvel

Stop apologizing. 

Next time just listen don't try to help. 

If she keeps cursing at you then dump her. It only gets worse.


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## funnynihilist

No


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## Excaliber

dman93 said:


> Havent heard from her since. I TEXTED HER FIRST TO APOLOGIZE AFTER EVERY PETTY ARGUMENT WE HAD. This time i did nothing wrong. Should she text me first this time???


I agree with Just Lurking, I find texting a bit impersonal too, a phone call or preferably in person in a lot better way to communicate. Also I would have a very difficult time with accepting that I would have to apologize for something every single time, unless it was actually my fault in each case, a relationship takes 50/50 and one person can't possibly take the blame all the time.


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## The Library of Emma

No, no. There's no reason you should have to.

from the sounds of things she was upset this morning about her job. She let this anger spill over on you. That was wrong of her. You reserve the right to hold her accountable for this behavior.

If you attempt to get back in contact with her, it might be before she has had time to calm down and reach a better state of mind. Women sometimes need to withdraw in order to reconsider their situation and let their emotions settle, just as well as men do. If you accidentally call her back too soon, it could just cause new problems. You also sound like you are fed up with always having to call back first, and that's valid. Like i said, you really shouldn't have to.

I could be wrong, i don't know either of you, but i would highly suggest waiting. Let several days go by. Ideally, she will be the one to call back first.


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## dman93

She and Her Darkness said:


> No, no. There's no reason you should have to.
> 
> from the sounds of things she was upset this morning about her job. She let this anger spill over on you. That was wrong of her. You reserve the right to hold her accountable for this behavior.
> 
> If you attempt to get back in contact with her, it might be before she has had time to calm down and reach a better state of mind. Women sometimes need to withdraw in order to reconsider their situation and let their emotions settle, just as well as men do. If you accidentally call her back too soon, it could just cause new problems. You also sound like you are fed up with always having to call back first, and that's valid. Like i said, you really shouldn't have to.
> 
> I could be wrong, i don't know either of you, but i would highly suggest waiting. Let several days go by. Ideally, she will be the one to call back first.


Thank you for your opinion. I think this is what might happen. 
Sad part. We havent gone ONE DAY without talking since we met. If we go several days without talking now... wouldnt that damage our relationship?? ??


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## The Library of Emma

dman93 said:


> Thank you for your opinion. I think this is what might happen.
> Sad part. We havent gone ONE DAY without talking since we met. If we go several days without talking now... wouldnt that damage our relationship?? ??


i mean, if your relationship was going strong before, i don't think a few days apart would be a problem.

if by keeping her in constant contact you hope to prevent her from thinking of what life is like without you, then maybe things aren't going as well as they seem. it can be hard to step back and put that reliance on the other person, but if this matters to her, she _will_ try to get in contact again... things can't be all one-way. If she doesn't, it would only be exposing a problem that is already there, unfortunately 

Best of luck to you, dman


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## Just Lurking

Oh dear. While I agree with the sentiments in here that you don't necessarily need to apologize, this 'no contact' stuff could make it into a much bigger problem than it needs to be.

As the adage goes, don't go to bed angry.

She works 5pm-3am. Well, she gets breaks, doesn't she?


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## dman93

Just Lurking said:


> Oh dear. While I agree with the sentiments in here that you don't necessarily need to apologize, this 'no contact' stuff could make it into a much bigger problem than it needs to be.
> 
> As the adage goes, don't go to bed angry.
> 
> She works 5pm-3am. Well, she gets breaks, doesn't she?


Her breaks vary every day. I dont know what time she gets her breaks. Well, i gave in, all i asked was "pissed at me?"... she usually responds within 5 minutes. 2 hrs passed now. Shes clearly mad at me. Idk why. Im ready to ask if she wants to end this...


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## dman93

She and Her Darkness said:


> i mean, if your relationship was going strong before, i don't think a few days apart would be a problem.
> 
> if by keeping her in constant contact you hope to prevent her from thinking of what life is like without you, then maybe things aren't going as well as they seem. it can be hard to step back and put that reliance on the other person, but if this matters to her, she _will_ try to get in contact again... things can't be all one-way. If she doesn't, it would only be exposing a problem that is already there, unfortunately
> 
> Best of luck to you, dman


Very true. Thank you so much. Im ready to ask her if she would like to move on !??


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## tea111red

Just Lurking said:


> Just call her. None of this "_I'm always the first one_" stuff.





Just Lurking said:


> Oh dear. While I agree with the sentiments in here that you don't necessarily need to apologize, this 'no contact' stuff could make it into a much bigger problem than it needs to be.
> 
> As the adage goes, don't go to bed angry.
> 
> She works 5pm-3am. Well, she gets breaks, doesn't she?


i really agree w/ your thoughts.


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## Just Lurking

dman93 said:


> Her breaks vary every day. I dont know what time she gets her breaks. Well, i gave in, all i asked was "pissed at me?"... she usually responds within 5 minutes. 2 hrs passed now. Shes clearly mad at me. Idk why. Im ready to ask if she wants to end this...


I don't think it's "giving in" at all. I'd call it taking the higher ground, and her silent treatment is unreasonable and unhealthy. If she can't see past a moment of anger and be mindful of the bigger picture (the relationship as a whole), then that's a fault with her -- not you.


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## tea111red

:yes


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## SofaKing

dman93 said:


> Her breaks vary every day. I dont know what time she gets her breaks. Well, i gave in, all i asked was "pissed at me?"... she usually responds within 5 minutes. 2 hrs passed now. Shes clearly mad at me. Idk why. Im ready to ask if she wants to end this...


Why ask her? If her behavior troubles you, you can end it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


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## cuppy

Contact her first if you care about her...If something like this happened with me and my boyfriend, we both end up apologizing anyway.

And like others said, if you're upset about "always" being the first one to apologize, maybe talk to her about it sometime when you'e both in a good mood.

edit: Oh, okay you contacted her first. You really want to end the relationship?


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## Neal

For future reference, sometimes its just better to listen than to try and help or fix things. This is especially true if the person in question has it in their head that you "dont understand" what they're dealing with. I say that because Ive gotten in arguments with my girlfriend over the same damn stuff except IM usually the one saying "you dont *****ing understand". Sorry if Im way off base on this one.


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