# Therapist makes me feel guilty for my failures



## SuzyQ12 (May 4, 2013)

I have been working with a therapist for around 6 months for my social anxiety and another phobia. I have improved quite a bit, thankfully. The problem comes when I fail at something, or don't do an exposure one day that I am supposed to do it because I am too overwhelmed. My therapist makes me feel guilty and in turn, that makes me feel bad about myself and that hurts my self esteem. Today I was supposed to go to class, the first face to face class I have had in a few years (all previous classes were online). But the class started early before I got there and I was too overwhelmed looking in and seeing all the people and everyone around me, that I just couldn't do it. So I went back home. Thing is, I have only been prepping for taking a class for about a week and I didn't think I was ready for a real class, but my therapist told me it was only my fear talking.

I have been DREADING talking to my therapist about it because I know he'll probably be mad and make me feel worse than I already feel about myself. But i have to tell him because he is my therapist. I also fear telling him I want to drop the class because I'm just not ready for that yet. Please, what do I do


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

SuzyQ12 said:


> I have been working with a therapist for around 6 months for my social anxiety and another phobia. I have improved quite a bit, thankfully. The problem comes when I fail at something, or don't do an exposure one day that I am supposed to do it because I am too overwhelmed. My therapist makes me feel guilty and in turn, that makes me feel bad about myself and that hurts my self esteem. Today I was supposed to go to class, the first face to face class I have had in a few years (all previous classes were online). But the class started early before I got there and I was too overwhelmed looking in and seeing all the people and everyone around me, that I just couldn't do it. So I went back home. Thing is, I have only been prepping for taking a class for about a week and I didn't think I was ready for a real class, but my therapist told me it was only my fear talking.
> 
> I have been DREADING talking to my therapist about it because I know he'll probably be mad and make me feel worse than I already feel about myself. But i have to tell him because he is my therapist. I also fear telling him I want to drop the class because I'm just not ready for that yet. Please, what do I do


Be honest. Tell him how you feel......If he really is making you feel bad or guilty (and not something you're misinterpreting), then you should get another therapist.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Just tell him and yeah you can always get a new therapist. He should be making you feel better not worse.


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## something there (Feb 24, 2014)

Mine always guilts me by telling me I'm not trying and don't want to get better. Sympathies.


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## Orvel (Jan 22, 2014)

something there said:


> Mine always guilts me by telling me I'm not trying and don't want to get better. Sympathies.


Sometimes they have to get harsh. I didn't even think I needed help before someone stirred me up and destroyed my comfortable position.


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## Swellhead (Jan 2, 2015)

If your uncomfortable then good. Being comfortable means that your not trying hard enough......Its a harsh life we live in.....This inevitably means harsh lessons.


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## social worker (Sep 15, 2014)

Swellhead said:


> If your uncomfortable then good. Being comfortable means that your not trying hard enough......Its a harsh life we live in.....This inevitably means harsh lessons.


Gotta agree here. Is a therapist's job to make you feel better or to make you a better person? Pain and discomfort is the best time for us to grow imo.


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## tooljunkie (May 31, 2014)

Your therapist should push you to help you get out of your comfort zone. 
I push myself to do things periodically that I'm not comfortable doing and sometimes are very difficult for me to sit through initially. 
I still have my challenges, but I come away from some thankful that I forced myself to face my fears.
This is why I'm able to function at the level I do while having social anxiety. 
I know we all have different levels of anxiety and it's easier said than done for some, but if you truly want to start to control this you have to take a chance and do things you're not comfortable doing. 
Allow yourself to be in an uncomfortable class by going in there, maybe just one time. 
Don't go in there with the decision already made that you're going to leave but know that if it gets too difficult you can and it won't be the end of the world. You took the first step.


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