# i want to quit my job but i'll never see *her* again if i do...



## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

hi. if anyone remembers, i made a couple threads about this woman. she's my coworker, a bit older than me, has kids, super flirty and fun personality. She's the first woman to really show interest in me, but it turns out she was just leading me on. 

well, here's the thing, I found a better job that has more opportunities and better benefits. And right now, it's very rough on my life to have 2 jobs. I've decided i need to quit one of them, but i'm having a very hard time coping with the idea that i'll never see her again if i quit my first job.

what makes this a harder decision is my first job also has much easier work that i enjoy more. And these are crappy blue collar jobs, and i plan on going back to school to get a degree so it's not like i'll be working either of these jobs for more than 5 years. 

pros of new job: 

*has medical benefits
*pay increases by $1 every year
*has opportunity to bid for another (easier and funner) position that pays nearly double my *starting wage


pros of 1st job:

*much easier and funner work
*the people there are younger and i relate to them more and we talk more
*the woman who showed me i'm not a complete ugly loser works there and i'll never see her again if i quit


what do i do?


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

How do you know she was just leading you on? Could it be she's showed interest, but you haven't acted, so now she's playing a different card?

Should ask her out before leaving. Never know...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It's never good to frolick with coworkers.


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

Take the better job. I know it doesn't seem that easy to you, but in my eyes I think that's the only thing you should do.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

You shouldn't let a love interest interfere with your career path. Realistically it is not a logical choice. You might regret it later. It's almost like not going to a particular college because of a certain crush/gf/bf/etc.

If she wanted to see you again she would keep in touch with you after you left your job either through phone, online, some way or another. Keeping the job so she stays in your life doesn't sound right. 

If you just want to keep the job so you "see" her even though the interest is not mutual... that also doesn't sound like the best reason to keep it. You might find someone better at your new job. At least the door will be open for new possibilities.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

lonelygirl88 said:


> You shouldn't let a love interest interfere with your career path. Realistically it is not a logical choice. You might regret it later. It's almost like not going to a particular college because of a certain crush/gf/bf/etc.
> 
> If she wanted to see you again she would keep in touch with you after you left your job either through phone, online, some way or another. Keeping the job so she stays in your life doesn't sound right.
> 
> If you just want to keep the job so you "see" her even though the interest is not mutual... that also doesn't sound like the best reason to keep it. You might find someone better at your new job. At least the door will be open for new possibilities.


it's not a "career", these are crappy blue collar jobs that i don't intend to keep for longer than 5 years.

I already have the new job for a while now, and i know i definitely like the people at my first job more. also because there's a lot more downtime there so there's more time to build rapport and connections with people...

it's complicated about whether she wants to see me or not because of how i ignored her after she brushed me off when i asked her out. if i actually tried to be her friend she would probably be open to that.. so it's not like she doesn't want to see me.

i don't know if the decision is as clear cut as you're making it out to be.. is it?


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Quit your job, but ask for her number on your last day. If she says no, then you can move on because you won't be seeing her again anyway.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

I was talking "career" in the general sense. I meant job. I put where you're getting money from or where you're going to school all in the same category.

Well then why don't you actually try to be her friend, get her contact info and then quit? 

It just doesn't sound good to keep a job just so you see a crush. There are more pros for the new job.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

awfulness said:


> hi. if anyone remembers, i made a couple threads about this woman. she's my coworker, a bit older than me, has kids, super flirty and fun personality. She's the first woman to really show interest in me, but it turns out she was just leading me on.
> 
> well, here's the thing, I found a better job that has more opportunities and better benefits. And right now, it's very rough on my life to have 2 jobs. I've decided i need to quit one of them, but i'm having a very hard time coping with the idea that i'll never see her again if i quit my first job.
> 
> ...


Me personally I go with the job with benefits, but you should go with the job you like best I guess. I can only choose what I would do.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

lonelygirl88 said:


> Well then why don't you actually try to be her friend, get her contact info and then quit?


um... i don't quite know how to respond to this... because obviously that's the logical path to take.. yet i don't want to take it.

i'm not comfortable enough with her to be her friend, or maybe i don't even want to be her friend after she hurt me like that... i just want to "see" her.. be her acquaintance. it pains me to know that once this job is gone, i will never ever see her again and she will effectively be dead to me. she made such a huge impact on my emotional state in the past year.

should i at least text her something before i leave? say something like "thanks for all the memories and interesting emotions, youre so cool......." or something like that...


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

awfulness said:


> um... i don't quite know how to respond to this... because obviously that's the logical path to take.. yet i don't want to take it.
> 
> i'm not comfortable enough with her to be her friend, or maybe i don't even want to be her friend after she hurt me like that... i just want to "see" her.. be her acquaintance. it pains me to know that once this job is gone, i will never ever see her again and she will effectively be dead to me. she made such a huge impact on my emotional state in the past year.
> 
> should i at least text her something before i leave? say something like "thanks for all the memories and interesting emotions, youre so cool......." or something like that...


No, don't text her something cheesy like that. Just tell her that it was good working with her, and then move on. No practical use for an acquaintance that doesn't want to show you the time of day. Take all that you learned from this experience and move on to a better environment, where you can start fresh and have new experiences to learn from.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

rymo said:


> No, don't text her something cheesy like that. Just tell her that it was good working with her, and then move on. No practical use for an acquaintance that doesn't want to show you the time of day. Take all that you learned from this experience and move on to a better environment, where you can start fresh and have new experiences to learn from.


i'm sure you'll think this is a dumb question, but why not text her something like that?

I understand your approach... it's just being polite and more "normal", i guess. But it's not how i really feel.. this woman really did have a profound impact on me, for better or worse. Well, at first it was for the worse, but after going through those experiences, i think it made me better. I feel more hardened and better prepared to deal with it the next time it happens to me..

should i really suppress my urge to tell her all this? i really want her to know how much she affected me.. and i want to end it on a good note so i guess i want to thank her for it.

well, that's all assuming i decide to quit that job. But having two jobs has been taking such a toll on my health and happiness, and the primary reason i'm not quitting my 1st job that pays less is because i don't want to never see her again...


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> It's never good to frolick with coworkers.


It can be. I trained my wife at my current job and now she works another place. Truthfully, I banged a few coworkers


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

I say suppress that urge, because it will put you in nice guy territory in her mind. If you are leaving, why not take the chance and text a straightforward message like "want u". (She already knows you do anyway.) If she reacts negatively , you say whoops wrong person...

Just have a little fun with it.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

ask her number and take the other job.
call her up and go out together.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

awfulness said:


> i'm sure you'll think this is a dumb question, but why not text her something like that?
> 
> I understand your approach... it's just being polite and more "normal", i guess. But it's not how i really feel.. this woman really did have a profound impact on me, for better or worse. Well, at first it was for the worse, but after going through those experiences, i think it made me better. I feel more hardened and better prepared to deal with it the next time it happens to me..
> 
> ...


I know she had a profound impact on you, but in all reality she probably would never be able to understand that impact and as a "normal" person doesn't relate to where you're coming from anyway. Also, seeing her again is just going to prolong your feelings, and is getting in the way of you making real progress. You are using her as an emotional crutch and aren't working on your SA. You say you won't take a chance with her, so go somewhere else and take a chance with someone else. Overcoming SA is all about taking chances, and you're going nowhere fast by staying at this job just so you can see someone who jerked you around. Take with you what you've learned and move on.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Why would you want to keep on seeing her when she was leading you on? That, I don't understand. I would really hate that person and be happy I would never seem them ever again.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

If she was only leading you on and rejected you when you asked to go out with her, than I see no reason why you'd want to stay. You just want to stay to "see" her and be an acquaintance? Why would you be satisfied with that? It's best to move on from it. You can get her number and try asking her out again, but if she isn't interested, don't let this crush hold you back. 

I had an acquaintance once in class, really liked her, thought she was an amazing person, and I tried hard to be friends with her outside of the class. She rejected me over and over. But I was infatuated with her and as the class came to an end, I panicked and point-blank asked her out again, in which she point-blank rejected me. It hurt like hell. But I had to face the truth and go on. It hurts when you are infatuated with someone and they don't feel the same way. The only way to deal with it is to move on. Eventually you will find another girl that you feel that way about and she will like you in return. You deserve to be liked in return, not jerked around and constantly be rejected. That's no way to live.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Monroee said:


> If she was only leading you on and rejected you when you asked to go out with her, than I see no reason why you'd want to stay.


 Ditto. It's best that you get away from her in that case. That way you will be able to stop obsessing on her and find a woman who could actually be interested in you.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

well.. like I said, this job isn't desirable for me _just_ because of her. while she is a big factor, the job is also more entertaining socially.. more time to talk with younger cool people, some of them i can connect with. and i'll be leaving all those people behind and never seeing them again either. It's not such a black and white choice i don't think.. the more I think about it, the more difficult it is to choose.

Also for those asking why i still want to see her. Well, obviously, i still have some lingering feelings for her. I never had a girlfriend, so for all intents and purposes, she was the closest I had to one. the emotional impact she's had on me was enormous. Sometimes i fantasize that when i get my life together and i'm attractive to lots of girls, her and I will get together in the end... so that's another reason i want to stay at this job. I want to work on my game and my happiness in general, and when i've developed my charm and wits and bedded a bunch of women, i'll finally be able to attract the one woman that i truly want...

gah, i feel insane. No, in the end i think i will probably go with the job that pays more, but i'll feel incredibly heartbroken that my fantasy could never become a reality.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

awfulness said:


> well.. like I said, this job isn't desirable for me _just_ because of her. while she is a big factor, the job is also more entertaining socially.. more time to talk with younger cool people, some of them i can connect with. and i'll be leaving all those people behind and never seeing them again either. It's not such a black and white choice i don't think.. the more I think about it, the more difficult it is to choose.
> 
> Also for those asking why i still want to see her. Well, obviously, i still have some lingering feelings for her. I never had a girlfriend, so for all intents and purposes, she was the closest I had to one. the emotional impact she's had on me was enormous. Sometimes i fantasize that when i get my life together and i'm attractive to lots of girls, her and I will get together in the end... so that's another reason i want to stay at this job. I want to work on my game and my happiness in general, and when i've developed my charm and wits and bedded a bunch of women, i'll finally be able to attract the one woman that i truly want...
> 
> gah, i feel insane. No, in the end i think i will probably go with the job that pays more, but i'll feel incredibly heartbroken that my fantasy could never become a reality.


Believe me, when you get to the point where you're a boss with the ladies, you'll have long forgotten this girl. Or at least the feelings you had for her. All other factors aside when it comes to choosing a job, don't let the girl tip the scales for you. Staying will not make that fantasy a reality. The longer you stay around her the longer those feelings will linger and make it that much harder to move on.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

rymo said:


> Believe me, when you get to the point where you're a boss with the ladies, you'll have long forgotten this girl.


hmm. probably, huh? I think about the past girls that i've crushed on, and i don't even give them a second thought now. So given that pattern, if i crush on a new girl, then i would forget about my coworker.... unless i keep seeing her.



> Staying will not make that fantasy a reality.


Why not? i'll stay, and she'll see me grow stronger and more confident over time, and it's no guarantee that she'll return my feelings but there's a chance. If i leave, there's no chance...


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## Celtics777 (Aug 25, 2012)

It's obvious, take the new job.

If these younger cooler people are really that, then be their friend. Keep in touch when you take the new job. Go to the bar or something.

As for the girl, that's also simple. Tell her. Dude, you have nothing to lose. You already seem to be accepting the fact that you may never see her again. You never know, maybe she has feelings for you also. maybe she isn't leading you on. (I'm assuming she's single. I apologize if it was mentioned, and I missed it.)


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

****.. it's okay i'll just keep both jobs even if it means i'll lose sleep and be miserable all the time cause i'm so tired..

i just can't take it if i never see her again.


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## Celtics777 (Aug 25, 2012)

awfulness said:


> ****.. it's okay i'll just keep both jobs even if it means i'll lose sleep and be miserable all the time cause i'm so tired..
> 
> i just can't take it if i never see her again.


Don't be like that. Life goes on. Do what is best for you. None of us can tell you whats best for you. That's something that you have to figure out on your own. I know, it's hard. I struggle with that also.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

I think this is a decision you have to make on your own. You have the pros and cons, you just have to figure out what is more important to you.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Take a cold look to your situation. What is best job for you? Then choose that.

Don't let your crush order your choices. What about if she quits or change her job? What about if she starts to seeing someone else and you have to look that every day? What about she moves away?

Job is a job, that must be the best choice for you and only you.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Quit the job. She ain't gonna get you all those benefits. There's no point of seeing someone youre not gonna be with. You're just torturing yourself. Move on.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

if she was literally the _only_ reason that i want to keep that job, then it would be very easy to say i should quit that job. but there's a bunch of factors, and her involvement is clouding my judgement so much and making it hard to look at this coldly and objectively.

here's more..

*the new job is part time only. so if i work both jobs, i'll be getting around 45 hours a week if i try to weasel and negotiate at the old job with my bosses to cut down my hours... and that'll make me feel ****ty.

*i don't know if i should be working 40+ hours or not. I don't have any other obligations and i live with my parents, but i just don't want to work full time, i want to go to school and get a social life. but i'll also feel like i'm being lazy if i choose not to work full time when i had the option to.

I really want to hear your input on this, because i'm so conflicted. Am i just being lazy if i quit the job so i'll only work 20 hours a week instead of 45? there's some guilt going on too if i quit.. but if i stay, my supervisors will look down on me for trying to cut down hours all the time.. they are already talking about me.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

You have to learn to make your own choices. Trust yourself. Listen what your inner you is telling you and do that.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

awfulness said:


> i just can't take it if i never see her again.


Maybe she brushed you off the first time because she was reluctant to get involved with a coworker. So you might still have a shot. But I think you should be upfront about what you want here - her. Despite what they may say publicly and on the internet, women love to be hit on, and you might be pleasantly surprised. Nothing to lose by going for it.


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