# disappointment to your parents?



## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

did they expect big things from you? or did they value you more when they thought you would be successful? are they quite career and status focused?
how about relationships, did they expect you to be married and for them to become grandparents?


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Mom expected me to get married and have kids a while ago. She hasn't given up.
The other day she asked me if I had picked out names.
She also expected me to get a proper job.
I feel like I've failed her terribly.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I definitely am. My mom didn't expect me to still be living at home. She thought I would have a good career right now, family, and "helping" her out. I'm such a failure.


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## daisywillowlilyrose (Apr 17, 2016)

I feel like I'm disappointing them even when they don't say it. I know that they're expecting me to immediately find a job after I got my license 6 months ago. Also, they're trying to tell me to get in a relationship already since both my younger siblings already have their boyfriend and girlfriend.


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## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

Both my parents had very low education (one dropped out at 15, the other...yeez idek maybe 13) so i had zero pressure with that. Just graduating from high school with sh*tty grades was impressive. My mom hasn't even mentioned being proud of that, lol. I had to motivate myself to get through school, which didn't work. At all.
My mom doesn't pressure me about jobs and stuff, so_ i'm_ the one who hates myself for being a failure. She doesn't deserve this. I wish i was smart and successfull so i could give her everything she wants and deserves.

About relationships, then yes my mom definitely wants grandchildren. I try again and again to tell her that i'm gonna be a lonely cat lady to get her used to the fact, but she won't give up. She tells me to not wait as long as she did to get a family. I have about 18 years left until i break that wish.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Fangirl96 said:


> I have about 18 years left until i break that wish.


I guess you have a lot of time then, lol. You might meet a nice guy, who knows.


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## Paperback Writer (Feb 7, 2015)

My mother is fairly understanding of my issues but I still feel like a disappointment. I think that more than anything she's probably just sad that SA has bled my potential dry.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

My mom is sort of a bigot to us. So no matter what we do, she will always focus on the negativity. Except for my younger sister, all of us no longer cares about her being disappointed at us or not. We live how we please. As long as we are not killing ourselves, we don't really care about her view of us. We just don't take her seriously anymore. We know what is best for ourselves. Not her. I can save the world right this second and she will probably brag to me that her friend's son saved earth, mars and venus. Cluster-b personalities are a pain to deal with.


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## devitalized (Oct 28, 2015)

My parent have never expected anything of me. Maybe that could part of the reason as to why I am such a failure.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Yeah, I'm a huge disappointment to my parents. To them and their parents I give off the vibe of being disabled, which isn't true. I keep thinking one day I'll get my life together - one day, but that day never comes for me, but it will come, no, maybe I'm just talking. Oh well, at least my sister got married and has a baby, one thing to make my parents happy, especially my dad. I'll be the oldest child, and let all my younger siblings outgrow me, then I will finally be the last child, so messed up.


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## EricaR311 (Apr 24, 2016)

I know I am. She hates my husband, the fact I don't want kids, I'm agnostic, and an anarchist. I bodybuild too. I am the exact opposite of what she wants me to be and hates it.


Sent from my SM-G928V using Tapatalk


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

unemploymentsimulator2016 said:


> did they expect big things from you? or did they value you more when they thought you would be successful? are they quite career and status focused?
> how about relationships, did they expect you to be married and for them to become grandparents?


Yes. Yes. and Yes.

My dad more so than my mom. I remember when I was little, telling my dad I wanted to paint and write when I was older. He said I'd be a good lawyer or doctor, or professor. Every time I brought up the fact I loved to draw or write, he'd drill it into me. Eventually he kept on me about being a lawyer. I eventually started saying I wanted to be one to other people even when I didn't know what that was.

Took a law class in high school though and was like F that! lol god I'd be a horrible lawyer... ugh

I was an 'A' student, always a goody-goody, doing what my parents said and when I graduated university it was a major reality check. I wasn't at all what people called 'successful'. Yes, I helped my roommate to stop killing herself on many occasions. I helped her deal with her past abuse and be in an emotionally good state for her before her wedding and when she moved out. 
Yes I have a university degree and I'm independent with a full time job. Success!

But no, my dad just sees the crap job I have and the fact I'm still single and is constantly telling me to get a good job. All the time. Like, a couple months ago he said that if I just tried I'd easily be able to get a job that pays $90k a year. ????? (in what magical world does he live when there are no jobs that advertise for more than $40k around here and those are like nurses and things I'm not qualified for)

A few years back at his retirement party a bunch of his co-workers were like "you have 2 daughters, I thought you just had 1." They proceeded to talk about stuff, thinking that maybe they blended all of the stories about us into 1. Nope. Every story & accomplishment was about my sister. Not me. So my dad never seemed to talk about me at work. Ever.

My mom will have her moments but I don't think she cares as much about status as my dad does.

As for the grandchildren, I think my parents gave up on me having kids many years ago. I'm an aunt now so they always refer to my future as being an aunt and not a mother... And I think the fact they already have grandkids, they don't have the same desire for me to have children.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

I think I generally am a disappointment. I think they expected a lot more from me and I felt like my mother disowned me when I dropped out of college because I couldn't cope. I still see my parents often, my dad is always nagging me and tends to guilt trip,shame me if I haven't done anything constructive. if I start talking about how I am doing something or working towards something, he then starts nagging about something else, or sets some other level of achievement that I should be ashamed for not being on. its like he is never satisfied. my mother isn't proud of me, she only wants me around if I am successful in her eyes. I think both are disappointed they are not grandparents.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

Neither of them have had easy lives, so I think they have always just wanted things to be better for me. I feel like that for all they've given and done for me, the least I could do is to make them proud and ease their worries regarding my well-being. 

I haven't been able to do that, and instead I have weaved a huge web of secrets and lies so that they don't yet have to find out what's the truth. I won't be able to keep this up for forever though, and I wish I had never even started. Should have just been honest from the get go, but obviously that was too difficult in the fear of being a disappointment.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

My parents were born and raised in the third world so they just expected me to have a job and be able to survive financially. They didn't even think school was important until my sister graduated and got a high paying job. Overall, I they aren't disappointed how my life turned out.


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## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

Can't be too much of a disappointment because they didn't expect much.


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## CookieCrumble (Oct 26, 2012)

I don't think I disappointed them. I graduated and continued school for another certificate, got a boyfriend. They didn't expect too much from me and I wonder if they even care, my mum just wants me to get a job and that's it. I sometimes wish they would show a little happiness for my achievements.. maybe they're disappointed of me not being close with them, not sure.


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## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

Nah, my mom is ****ing amazing and she sends me texts all the time saying how proud she is of me. My family never put any pressure on me to be anything at all. They just want me to be happy. I think she's much more concerned with who I am as a person than what stupid *** job I have. But when I do get a better job or do well in school she's like the main motivation behind it. I want to do better for her even if she says she already couldn't be more proud. I'll never get to set her up in a big ol' mansion but that's the dream of course.


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## Vanishing Dreams (May 17, 2016)

My parents won't say it, but I'm sure they wish I could do better. I'm averagely smart, but insanely lazy. The idea of working is something I cannot accept. My dad is retired after more than 30 years of working and my mom is very smart. They both came from a third world country with nothing and ended up doing well. My sister is hard worker and I'm like a spoil rotten little brat who keeps day dreaming of winning the lotto.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

They are very career and status focused. However, they can't really be disappointed in me because my older brother has been less successful in life than I have. He's done so badly (living in his parents' basement at age 30, never had a real job) that it would be almost impossible for me to disappoint them.


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## LemonBones (Sep 25, 2015)

My parents never pushed me to do anything and they have ****ty standards so they dont care.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

I'm more of an embarrassment than a disappointment, but it's their own ****ing fault for creating such a mess. Besides, they have three others, the prettiest of whom always had all the attention. I was the one who was always at fault and punished. Not that I deserved anything more. It was apparent I was a failure at a very young age and needed to constantly be reminded of it.


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## LemonBones (Sep 25, 2015)

The Sound of Silence said:


> I'm more of an embarrassment than a disappointment, but it's their own ****ing fault for creating such a mess. Besides, they have three others, the prettiest of whom always had all the attention. I was the one who was always at fault and punished. Not that I deserved anything more. It was apparent I was a failure at a very young age and needed to constantly be reminded of it.


:squeeze


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## Zozulya (Mar 24, 2016)

>did they expect big things from you? 
Yes, until I reach adulthood and they realized how broken I am, having the "good at nothing" status.

>or did they value you more when they thought you would be successful? 
A bit, when I started to live on my own. They didn't expect me to leave home, even after age 35.
But comparing to my peers and siblings, I'm still far behind them.

>are they quite career and status focused?
Yes, definitely.

>how about relationships, did they expect you to be married and for them to become grandparents? 
I clearly stated they will not expect that since I was 14, and my stance has not changed.


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## Angela82 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think that in the end we all wanted our parents to be proud of us, and I think that for most of us that isn't the case. It's not necessarily our fault, though. Now I'm a grown up, and I know that my mother will never like me. Many don't like me. But you know what? This is my life, not theirs. We are not obliged to be with people who don't like us, we can chose with whom to be. Or we can chose to stay alone, but the important is to do what you think is best for you, what you like, not what the others think you should do or be.


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

My parents even admitted that me and my brother were a disappointment and my mom and dad blame each other all the time on who made us become this way.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Eh, it seemed so in my early 20's. I think I've gained a little more acceptance. I get more heat from a sibling, but I think that is because they have a need to feel superior.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

I'm caught between my desire to be happy and normal and productive and loved and my desire to be exactly what the quality of my parents ability to raise children reflects, which is significantly worse than what I am...not that they ever realised...


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

I think they are proud of me. Well, I'm sure they are. At least, if I disappointed them I think they've gotten over it and have accepted me by now. I don't really think about it much though, to be honest.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

LostinReverie said:


> I'm more of an embarrassment than a disappointment, but it's their own ****ing fault for creating such a mess. Besides, they have three others, the prettiest of whom always had all the attention. I was the one who was always at fault and punished. Not that I deserved anything more. It was apparent I was a failure at a very young age and needed to constantly be reminded of it.


Sure you deserved more. That wasn't fair to be blamed for other people's problems. You weren't always at fault. You didn't get the love you deserved as all children ought to receive.

I guess you already know that and wanted to express your anger. Well, it may help to get validation, anyway.

Oh, to answer the question: I guess to them I might be a disappointment, and an embarrassment, but I don't care because I know I'm actually the most valuable person in my family. They have no idea. Or they have some idea but prefer not to think about it is more likely.

How did the other two fare without adequate attention?


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