# Creative Advice Thread - edited title



## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Drop out... Guaranteed to get rid of college jitters.

Where can I find help in Finance?


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## Demerzel (Nov 13, 2003)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

The casino.

How should I deal w/ a classmate who always wants to copy my work?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

:get


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*



blossom said:


> hey sure yeah, and you can have twenty bucks and use of my car anytime too.
> 
> How do I decide where to honeymoon?


I think it would be best to ask Larry King. He is an expert in the field with his 7 marriages.
Let's take a question from Myrtle Beach. Hello, you are on the air.

Where should I go to find a reliable source of transportation?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

The airline industry - cheap fares everywhere!

Where can I get assistance with my ceiling tiles?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Get a homeless guy to help and pay him 5 dollars or with oreo's.

What outfit should I wear to my annual custume party at work?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

I think you should go in the nude and just tell everyone you've come as a newborn baby. This ploy also allows for the added bonus of asking your female colleagues to provide sustenance without you having to suffer the indignity of being slapped. If you know what I mean 

I am looking to change my career from general layabout to space shuttle pilot. Where should I begin?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Lol sustenance, good advice, gauranteed to make you the life of the party.

Apply to NASA citing that you clocked 1,000+ flight hours at Microsoft Flight Simulator and your prowess in re-enacting 9/11 before it was patched by you infidels.

How do I get a girl that I've been secretly admiring for a year to go out with me??


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Kidnap her family? :stu

How should I broach the subject of piles to my family?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

LOL good one,

At dinner show them a power point presentation on the difference between piles and genetal warts and how commonly they can be confused.

If you were in a lift full of people and ripped a massive fart what shoud you say/do?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

OH CRAP! That was the best one I have EVER done! You all should applaud!

My chickens escaped from their pin and they have started to wander over to the neighbors wolf den, how should I handle this?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

This is tricky, but not impossible. I think the best course of action would be to toss in one of the neighbour's children in order to distract the wolves attention, thus rendering you safe passage in to the wolf den in order to pluck your chicken's (no pun intended) to safety. No, don't you thank me; Simply knowing your chickens are safe is thanks enough.

I have great difficulty in keeping a steady hand whilst attempting to pick the pockets of unsuspecting passers by. What would you suggest I do to remedy this?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Learn to run really fast.

I am addicted to alcohol, what should I do?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Switch to cocaine.

While working as a bank teller, a customer slips you a note that says he has a gun and demands all the cash what should I do??


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

give him his note back and tell him to come back later

im too lazy to get up and go to the bank to pay bills


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Uuh i think you forgot the question.


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*



Noca said:


> im too lazy to get up and go to the bank to pay bills


Have you ever thought of joining a monastery, or maybe prison. No bills to worry about.

How can I teach my dog to only pee outside???


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Cement it to the driveway

My granny just caught fire what should i do ?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Have her sign a Will immediately!!!

My dog is now stuck in cement, what should I do?


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Use it as a punch bag (jk)

I keep having urges to steal whadooido ?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Stop by the bank on the way home.

I have to create a pro-forma for homework in my Finance class, where can I find help?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

In the past, I have found that the best way to tackle a pro-forma assignment is to...cough up £1000 for me to do it for you. I'm not cheap, but I can guarantee you'll be top of the class.

I need some advice on a rather *ahem* personnel matter; who would you suggest I speak to?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Dr. Phil is great at offering advice on personal matters.

I need some advice on buying a new laptop, what would you recommend?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Why buy when you can STEAL?

My neighbour makes too much noise and and I'm unable to get to sleep. What can I do?


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

silence her permanently

I hate my iphone what shall i do?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Take a screw driver and unscrew the screws located on the case. Open the case and remove the hard drive. After hard drive has been removed from the Iphone, screw the case back onto the Iphone securily. Print out a little sticker on your ink jet printer that says "Warranty void if case is removed". Place sticker on Iphone. Next sell the Iphone on ebay, and use the hard drive as a portable storage system.

I have trouble sleeping at night, and have school in the morning. What can I do to help my insomnia?


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Punch yourself in the head repeatedly untill you pass out.

There is a hole in my jeans at the back near the butt region. Whatever shall I do?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Re: Bad Advice Thread*

Back up into a well endowed man on the subway.

I'm to lazy to exercise, and to hungry to diet.. How can I lose weight?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

You could try swallowing tapeworm eggs. The weight will just fall off even whilst stuffing your face. And the best part is, you don't even have to lift a finger. But to be honest, If I were you, I'd try doing a few star jumps!

The noise from the Friday night drinkers is appalling. What should I do to remedy this unfortunate situation?


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Heroin. That should help you drift off Aaaaah sleep now little one.

My head freakin hurts . Anyone got a solution ?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

My good friend Maximilien Robespierre had a good solution to that problem. King of France Louis XVI never had a headache again.

My dog keeps licking my foot, what should I do about that?


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## ImAboutToEXPLODE (Nov 20, 2007)

I think you should take him to a vet.

I can't come up with any creative adivce, what to do??


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

I think you should go see a vet.

I'm home alone. What kind of trouble should I get myself into?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

Call the cops and say your being buglered, when they come jump out of the closet and yell "surprise!"

I get pulled over for speeding, what excuse can I use to get off being fined?


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Tell them you are a GHOSTBUSTER !!!


My shrink keeps lookin at me funny what should i say to him ?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

He is probably drunk, because I normally look at people funny when I am drunk..... damn, I have to type this with one eye closed

I'm drunk and I want Kori.... What should I do?


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

^go rub up against her cyberly. all the chics love that. shows them you care.

What's the best way to depilate my stache?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

I did that......... didn't work

I'm too drunk to think of a problem, what should I do?


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

Drink some more and the problems will come to you.

I'm out of milk!!! What should I do?!


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

Hillary Swank, get your milk from her!

How can I get back on the wagon?


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

By bashing yr head against it

How can I get motivated?


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

uh... snort a line of coke. >_> (no, don't really do that.)

how can I make lots of money?


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

Knitting.

How can I achieve independence?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

Go to Prison that would toughen you up.

What can I do to Impress a girl I like?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Show off your totally awsome Star Wars collectables and challenge her to a light saber fight.

The phone at work keeps ringing off the hook, how do I get people to stop calling?


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Answer every time it rings and tell them to **** off. If they call again just say something along the lines of "have you checked (insert name of child, prized possesion, car, etc.) lately? I think you should..."

My old hair dryer broke and the "new" one sounds like a jet. How do I get it to quiet down?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

Unplug it.

I have two dogs and one leash. How can I take them both out at the same time?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Have one dog ride the other dog piggy-back. OR have one dog lead the other dog by holding the other dog's leash in its mouth. Both suggestions are sure to end well

How can I decide what career is right for me?


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## Emptiness (Jul 25, 2008)

Post a poll on this forum and let us decide. :banana 

Whats the best way to break up with someone?


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Txt msg thm of cours.

Healthy way to express anger/frustration?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

Dog Fighting



How should I celebrate Labor day?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

Party like it's 1999.

I need money and a passport - HELP!


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Sorry but i am not authorised to help migrant workers .


How do i stop my partner from snoring ?


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Suicide . A well known cure for all lifes ailments and such.


I lost my house key can i stay at yours ?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Sure! You can stay in my great-grandma's room. Just climb in the window that she leaves open and hop into bed with her. Don't mind the fact that she sleeps naked, it's easier on her bad skin.

My cable is out, what should I do to pass the time?


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

Spend all day on SAS

My cat is meowing... what should I do?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

Can cats swim? I can't remember. :con

My mortgage payments are becoming a pain. Is there anyway I can get out of paying them?


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

Burn your house down, of course.

This thread is starting to die, how do we get more people interested?


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

Easy! Simply turn this thread into the ultimate 'last one standing'(see the 'last one standing' thread for more details). To make it even more tempting for potential postee's, you could offer a cash prize of say... £1,000,000. I'm assuming that you may not have that kind of money immediately at your disposal, but it doesn't matter. The point is to make the inital starting number so unfeasibly high that nobody could ever possibly get down to zero before they became so old and decrepit that nothing short of mummification could improve their looks. I think it's worth the effort in order to keep this thread alive.

P.S. I have WAY too much time on my hands.

-------------------------------

Elephants are eating their way through my rhubarb patch - what can I do?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Making a sound loud enough so as to startle the elephants causing a huge elephant rampage. 

I need to fix my back problems.. what should I do?


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Play tag with a bus :yes 


I need a new job any suggestions ?


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Manwh*re :yes

I need to use the bathroom and it's occupied. What do I do?


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Pee on the floor and blame it on the family member of your choice 

The bank machine ate my ATM card. Now I'm gonna rob the bank, so what do I wear?


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## Wingclipped (Nov 13, 2007)

x


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

Erm gimp mask , sir buzzalot well yeah you get the picture.


Your granny just asked me out how do i let her down gently ?


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

shes been down for 20 years, so it wont be a problem. And if i was you id get myself checked. You're hearing voices.

Fallout crashes non stop on my pc. What should i do?


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## Wingclipped (Nov 13, 2007)

x


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## Wingclipped (Nov 13, 2007)

x


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## Eilicea (Jun 15, 2008)

Bash your head against the keyboard.

I think I'm a hipster. What do I do?


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## Wingclipped (Nov 13, 2007)

x


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Walk around naked -only wearing a fat suit. Otherwise, rent your house out for the weekend to a porn film maker.

I need a haircut but have some thing against going to the hairdresser. What should I do?


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## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

Shave it all off.
My sister's chewing on my homework. Any ideas?


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## Wingclipped (Nov 13, 2007)

I'm afraid you have no choice but to stop doing homework.

I don't have coffee, but I want to stay up longer. How can I stay awake?


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