# Ocd staring and anxiety



## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

I am 17. I have this for two years now. Everyday I think to myself I don't want to live anymore. Why live, when you're not living? I don't know who I am anymore. I am not the same person as I used to be. And I can't be the same person anymore. My life is ruined because of this. I have no life. I sit cooped up in my room everyday doing nothing because I'm afraid to go out. I have no friends. I'm so alone that I die for attention. I talk to no one everyday. I'm afraid of even interacting with my family. I am afraid of the future. I have no future. I don't know how to survive it. Right now I just started college and I'm already head deep, but I'm paranoid by the thought of the future. Paranoid of me walking alone in the city looking compulsively. Paranoid of getting a job I can keep. Paranoid of interacting with people. I wish I can live under a rock for my entire life. Paranoid of having no friends. Being alone. I wish I would sleep and not wake up. I failed my attempt. What I have is an embarrassing staring problem. I wouldn't call it staring, but looking. I tend to look at the private parts of people regardless of age, gender, race. I do this out of compulsion. When someone tells you not to think of an apple you would think of an apple. I think I tell myself not to look, but I would end up looking. I look away in a split of second. I find myself looking peripherally too. I cant have people sitting next to me. I would look peripherally. It 's terrible during exams I can't focus, I could do so much better. It 's terrible when the teacher watches you beside. I literally can't think or do anything. It happens like this. EVERY TIME I see anyone my eyes compulsively fall to their privates. In a second I look away but I'm so embarrassed. I have become so anxious, paranoid because of this. That every time I see someone i panic and avoid eye contact. For some reason when I look at their eyes I become afraid. I'm afraid they know my problem or saw me looking. I'm afraid of being judged by people. I feel like everyone knows I look at people private parts. Even people in public. I feel like people are watching me and judging me. I think my brain has been wired to look at people compulsively. Besides that I fear going out because I feel like I'm watched even when I'm not looking at people privates. For it be cars, people on the road, college, in public, etc. I also have an obsession to be perfect. When I'm not perfect my head hurts and I won't do anything for days until I do a ritual, then I'm perfect again. I would then feel better and keep trying to stay perfect. I know this is nonsense. I feel like Ocd has caused me social anxiety. But here is the problem. I'm not afraid of people. Even eye contact. I'm afraid I would look at their privates or if they know I look at privates. But no one would talk to you unless you do first. But here is the problem. I mess up my first impression. People think im a pervert. And here I am afraid of being judged. So its very hard for me to make friends. Two months ago I made a friend. She left me because I was behaving weirdly. I tried so hard not to look. When I know someone well I look less often to barely. But when I'm with more people with them, I'm afraid people would notice if I look at her. Then it would ruin her image and our friendship. There are more things I want to say about this but I can't think. I'm afraid I'll miss out something. Stuff happened in the past. My father abused me badly. I had a socio-pathic best friend that betrayed me. A guy in my class who would look at my private part. It made really self conscious. Then this problem started. A good friend left me. Another friend left me. More and more. My aunt has Ocd, but not staring. I forgot to say that when I look I DO NOT think sexually. The only thing on my mind is fear. My mood changes easily. At times I would be hopeful, other times I want to die. I am not afraid to. My day involves a lot of sleeping. I don't why I'm so tired. Perhaps something is wrong with my mind. I feel like my life is wasting away.
I forgot to say that i look peripherally. When people is in front of me I look at their face and try my hardest not to look. And it works sometimes. It happen more with females its in my view. So you can see that I try my hardest to look at their face because it is better with males.

.-. This has to do with social anxiety if you're wondering why I'm on this forum. Sorry.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Okay well first of all, dont give up! Things can get better, much better. You have a whole life ahead of you. But you have to be strong and not let anything take away your happiness. No matter how messed up your life is, no matter how messed up the world is, no matter how good other people's lives are, you cant let any of that ruin your happiness. Secondly, you have to have a general idea of what you want to do to get a good life. You will have to face your fears and put effort into changing your life, but it definately isnt impossible. You'll have to start of by just ignoring the ocd thoughts. Seriously, i had really severe ocd at one point, horrible thoughts, very strong urge to wash my hands and not touch dirty things and to not get hurt or in dangerous situations etc. But i just told myself that i was sick of letting that stupid thing ruin my life so i pretty much just got rid of almost all of my ocd. Now i just do a little handwashing and ocd checkings lol, nothing severe. Just ignore your ocd, tell yourself that ocd is stupid and irrational and that you will not let ocd or anything ruin your life no matter how annoying it is. Whenever you get an ocd urge, ignore it. Also, a big part of overcoming ocd is to not make a big deal out of ocd. If you learn to care/worry about the things that your ocd makes you scared of, then your ocd wont make you scared of it much. Because ocd causes us to doubt things, and causes us to obsess over those doubts. When we dont care about those doubts or ocd things, then our brain sees no need to worry about it, and then our ocd doesn't bother us anywhere near as much. And you also need to go outside and be around people. Make steps towards going outside. For example, step outside your door each day. It is scary but it is the only way your life will go forwards, or you might spend the rest of your life stuck at home. I used to be too scared to go outside, only 1 year ago, but i got sick of it and went for a walk. Then i did this every day, and would often go to the shops or something. Only months later i was hardly anxious of it and about half a year later i took public transport. A few months after that, i had the confidence to apply for customer service jobs. Nowadays i can just walk into any store and buy something no matter who is in the store or how anxious i am. Then when you are used to going out and you dont feel as anxious, you can apply for jobs. Or college. There you will start with your career/education at the same time of meeting people. Once you meet people, you can make friends and get introduced to their social circles and maybe even get a relationship or something. You have to just decide, do you want to spend the rest of your life stuck in a room, or do you want to go somewhere in life and have a happy life whatever it takes? It might take time, but there is no hurry, life is a journey, so just relax and enjoy the ride. Enjoy each day and dont let anything stress you or pressure you or take away your happiness, but at the same time do something each day so you can go somewhere in life. And some time in the not-too-distant futute, you will accomplish your dreams and you will be living a good life. But for now you have to take small steps towards going somewhere, and relax, there is no pressure, dont feel pressured by other people your age or anything, just live your life and enjoy it and do what you can to go somewhere. Only one year ago i was stuck at home bored, too anxious to go outside my house, and i just played phone games all day and i would wait for people to come online to talk to them lol. Now one year later, i am applying for jobs, i can walk into different shops and order stuff, i am much less anxious, i can go to the city by myself etc, i can enjoy going out alone without feeling anxious at all. And it was fun taking steps towards changing my life, watching my life improve each day. Good luck, hope this helped


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

And if your family make you anxious then face your fears and try to talk to them, and you'll get used to talking to them over time. It is scary facing your fears and it requires effort, but you wont go anywhere in life if you dont. And trust me, facing your fears will get you somewhere in life


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## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

First of thank you so much for replying. Second I'm happy you're doing better. I notice that when I'm confident I'm less anxious. For me I haven't really got that far sometimes I can go out in public and not freeze but that's rarely. What kind of ocd do you have? I hope one day ill be the same person I was. I wish you overcome all.


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## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

Yes when I look at people eyes my expression becomes weird because I am scared. And I look wrongly.  what kind of staring you have? I always look angry in public because if i'm not i look pathetic and even more weird.


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## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

:O have you heard of the fb group for this problem?And that is me. People just pop out from anywhere and I look traumatized too. I have peripherally too but its privates.


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## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

this is the link to my problem. http://laocdtreatment.com/answer-to-nina-about-compulsive-staring-at-privates/


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## teardust22 (Jul 15, 2017)

i was friends with a pyschopath/sociopath


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## halbrikj (Oct 31, 2017)

Hi there. I've had the same problem for many years (around 1999 to present), but within the past year or two have found a way to make the problem very manageable. I'm happy to say, that I have once again been able to maintain normal relations and interactions with others. I'd be happy to share with you if you're interested.

Kevin


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## Godwilldeliver17 (Oct 17, 2017)

Hi Kevin, 

Can you tell us how you got over this issue please?! I'm experiencing involuntary staring and people are making fun of me. It's making my anxiety worst!! Please help by sharing.


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## Aly (Nov 30, 2010)

Sounds like you're really struggling :/ :squeeze. I would try to reach out and contact a psychiatrist; it sounds terrifying yea, but it can change your life in a positive way. I used to be so anxious to the point where I couldn't leave my house. Sure I leave the house now with some constant anxiety and I do dissociate while in public to deal with it, but Ativan and mood stabilizers have helped so much. Hell I even traveled to Alaska by myself. I have read about people experiencing that same staring problem so you're not the only one. Medication, therapy, and putting yourself out into the world is the only way to get through it. You're going to be anxious but trying to avoid the anxiety isn't helping, trust me


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## Lyyli (Dec 5, 2017)

I, too, suffered from OCD staring and I understand how embarrassing it is specially the private parts staring. I never mentioned it to my psychiatrist but the medicines she gave me for my depression remarkably vanished my staring.


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## Lyyli (Dec 5, 2017)

sword1 said:


> What was the medication?


30mg Mirtazapine and 1mg Risperidone


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## PEPGING (Feb 28, 2018)

*Ocd staring*

Hello, I can understand how you feel, I have been living with this form of OCD for 25 ears and it has made my life miserable. I feel that when people find out what is happening they just think I'm a pervert, "but I am not", I try to explain but it never seems to work out. I have had many jobs asked for accommodations on the job and still struggled, it seems like the whole word is against you.
The reason I write this is to say you are not alone, you are a good person to whom something out of there control has occurred. You should find the best help available and battle back against this disease. NEVER GIVE UP!


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