# how close are you to your friends?



## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

I have a few friends but find it very hard to actually spend much time with them because my anxiety/ depresion makes school very hard for me and i have to work at that a lot and then i work too and its hard because i feel like if i actually saw these people i am always calling and making plans with i might be less anxious around them....its so weird its like we are just drinking buddies and i am the only one that wont go past that level.


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

most of the friends i've had in my life have been the kind i always kept slightly distant from. we would spend time together, go out and do things, but never talk about the internal personal things. i think in a lot of ways it was because if we were to talk of those things we might find that we had nothing in common at all, that we were too different. and it was better, or at least accepted, that we would just enjoy each other's company in what ways we could. i have in my life had 2 close friends who i've let in somewhat to that more personal part of me, who i've related to on a more intimate level. but even with them, i've never fully succeeded in developing true emotional intimacy. it's something that's really hard for me to do.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Despite knowing most of the friends I see regularly for I guess about 10 years now (wow), I don't get close to them. Or I was at one point close to one especially but in the past 4 years or so I have put up walls between me and them and drifted apart from them. I still see them at school all the time, but other than that I don't talk to any of them on msn anymore except for one, and we haven't even spoken recently (on msn). I also still see them outside of school...But that is only if I can muster up the courage to ask someone if there is anything going on or if one of them (the one I am closest with....or I guess the only one I was once close with) actually makes a point to tell me what's going on.

I usually go out of my way to avoid being alone with one of them. I don't really know why either.....I think I'm scared of opening myself up to anyone. It's no wonder at all that I have drifted apart from them.


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## michaelg (Jan 29, 2005)

Not close at all, rarely if ever hang out with them outside of school. Actually, never except for school activities. I definitely never "hang" with people at the mall or movies or whatever. It's not about being busy, just way too anxious and, more importantly, I simply don't know _how_ to "hang." What do you DO with people? (assuming you're too young for bars.)


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## GraceLikeRain (Nov 9, 2003)

There is one person in my major that I guess I could consider a friend because I feel like I can trust her. I have told her about my anxiety and other issues and she has given me some really good advice. The thing is that I don't go places with her or really talk to her that much anymore unless we have a group project to work on (like we do now) or unless I see her around the building for my major. That part is really my fault. She even asked me a while back when I told her about my phone anxiety if that is why I never call.


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

I can't remember the last time I saw two of my friends. I rarely see them. I used to be kinda close to them, but not anymore. My mom and my rat are my best friends now.


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## UrbanMonkey (Jul 10, 2004)

I rarely see any of the people I could consider friends to hang out with now. They all seem to be more socially healthy than I am and my anxiety turns them off. All my affiliations are work or school related, and I usually ruin any chances of making friends at school by coming on too strong or showing my insecurity, usually wanting a more involved relationship with them.


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

I'm not very close to my friends. I know two girls who I would consider my friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

Not very because I don't have any


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## korey (Apr 25, 2006)

Because of my trust issues, my social anxiety, and my paranoia, I don't have any true friends. Anyone I get close to, I eventually push away somehow. 

The people I chitchat with at school are all mostly against everything I am, so I have to pretend around them and practically lead a secret life at school. It sucks, but that's the way it is sometimes.


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## bronco028 (Apr 24, 2006)

I push alot of my good friends and potential friends away because I don't want them to see my weaknesses, I try very hard to make them think I am superwoman or something it is very strange. I have a friend who doesn't seem to be giving up on me and ever since I moved to college I have met more people than I would ever imagine, I guess I should feel blessed.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Well I still have my long time buddy from high school. However i don't see him as much as I used to since he lives up near DC now. I maybe get to see him about once every two weeks or so, usually meeting for lunch or him visiting me at work. Sometimes it's tough staying touch with him since I'm so phone shy, but I have trying to push myself to be proactive on that. It's been a while since we've actually gotten together and done anything meaningful. He's quite busy nowadays with school, work and issues with his mom.
The only other person I would consider a friend right now is my co-worker girl where I work. She goes to the same college as me, but I see her more at work. I'm comfortable talking with her and she does talk to me as well. Sometimes we even act a bit silly too. Right now I'm trying to figure out to make thing evolve to being friends outside work and college. I'm also trying to get to know her twin sister too.
I get along pretty well with most of my other co-workers too and a few other potentials I might work on too.
As for school... I think college itself is just awful for trying to find friends. Things are too fast-paced, too crowded... can't really talk to anyone during class and the moment it's over everyone rushes out and leaves or congregates into their cliche groups. So I haven't made any friends at college per se...


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

What friends? I don't have any. My imaginary friends, on the other hand, I am VERY close with.


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## Kylie (Apr 27, 2006)

I have a group of people I get along with pretty well, but I kind of distance myself from them. I still keep in touch with a few of my old high school friends through the Internet.


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## Vespertine (Mar 16, 2006)

I follow the same pattern. I guess I'm okay at random conversations and get togethers now and then. But it's the building and sustaining a relationship thing I have a problem with. Even if I can see myself as friends with another person, eventually I let my insecurities get the better of me and without realizing it till it's too late I push them away. Either I don't return calls or turn down invitations one too many time. Most of the time I feel the person(s) is too normal, happy, and social for them to consider me anything more than a dull drag and/or weird. I'm afraid I have nothing to offer and they're secretly looking down on or judging me. 
Now I'm graduating from college and I'm disappointed that I've alienated myself from the few friends I've made to the point that we never really hang out now. Either that or they have their cliques and I'm not a member.


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

I really don't know-none of them really seem to have any reason to hang around me, so I assume it's pity.


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

I'm very close to my group of friends. I guess I'm pretty lucky, since I can consider four people my "best" friends. I don't know what I would do without them.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I have "work buddies" more than deep friendships. I'd like to have closer friendships, and I think people generally like me . . . unfortunately, I always seem to be turning down lunch invitations and the like, so that people eventually just stop asking me. I suppose I could ask them, but often I'm too overstimulated by everything else going on, that I just want to be alone. Hmpf.


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## Ledd Bullet (Feb 26, 2006)

i'm not that close to any of my friends.


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## guy_in_maroon (Jan 23, 2006)

For me, I don't consider someone a "friend" unless I'm close to them, close enough for me to be able to open up to and close enough for me to feel comfortable asking for big favors. That's what true friends are really about right? They're there for each other. The saying goes "you find out who your real friends are when things are looking down."

If I don't feel close to someone, then they are just an acquaintance to me, not that there's anything wrong with that.


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## crystallizedtear (Feb 9, 2005)

I haven't really been coming back to the board or posting, just lurking around, because even tho I still feel like I have anxiety, it's not really SA anymore. I think I'm really close to most of my friends, while having a ton of acquaintances...
even though I don't go out a lot or hang around with ppl that often. I'm not popular or have a ton of friends but happy with what I've got, they're good friends...can really talk about anything to them these days =)
I dont have a specific group that I hang with since I changed schools so much... well in school I do, but outside mainly chatting on phone or msn, sometimes meeting up once in a while. I feel lucky that I can talk about really personal things with some friends though.
I was going thru a 'high school' crisis (if thats even a real thing lol) after going to a new school and felt really lonely for awhile, missing my old school(s)...
but now I notice how natural it is to speak to ppl, just take the risk, get USED TO taking the risk, practice practice practice speaking with them (well good to meet some nice and open ppl lol)...
and to find true friends I think it just comes by accident, you find something in common with each other, agree with something that u both feel strongly about, or not even that... EVERYONE has something in common, whatever it is =D...that's what I found out
Though life's not perfect, I don't fret too much over having a 'social life' or making more friends... I just live it and keep taking advantage of opportunities. No point in regretting...
And one thing has kept me going all this time....
GOD.
He's my best comfort.


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## ccccc5225 (Apr 12, 2006)

I don't even know what the friends mean because I don't have any.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Friends? What friends? I have friends?

I used to be close to my high school friends. But my avoidance has left me with maybe one who, thank God, is very persistent. I don't allow her to be as close to me as she'd like to be.

I guess I'm close to my boyfriend, but I even keep him at a distance, really...

xoxo
Maggi


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## thatwasny (May 4, 2006)

> most of the friends i've had in my life have been the kind i always kept slightly distant from


I can relate. I've known my "best friend" for 6 years now. She used to tell me everything, never kept a secret. (I don't talk to her much anymore. I believe she's found friends that are just as outgoing as she.)
It's kind of funny (yet...not) because I _never_ told her anything personal. It's as if she knew me for 6 years, yet she didn't even know me. I don't know how we even remained friends for that long. 
I guess it would seem that I'm just an empty person, with no real feeling, but I'm not. I just won't let anyone see that.

And now that I think about it, I've never been close to anyone, and _hardly_ close to my family.


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## Mads (May 8, 2006)

I only have one friend, whom I've somehow miraculously managed to remain "best friends" with for about 9 years now. I trust her more than anyone.

However, I won't even answer or return her phone calls anymore. For some crazy reason I can't even bring myself to answer the phone and talk to her. It's weird, because once I'm actually talking to her I'm fine, and I really enjoy our conversations.

Getting up the nerve to start the conversation, though... forget it.

Luckily she's persistent and keeps calling, but someday I fear that she'll just give up. That scares me because I don't know what I'd do without her.


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## pokey (Dec 18, 2005)

I have one best friend, who at times, I can't even open up to. I have a couple of other good friends too. What is funny is that they all consider me their best friend, and I don't consider them anywhere as good as a friend as they do me.... haha, I guess people really do like someone who they can spill their problems out to. I'm a private person with a bit of an issue when it comes to intimacy! honestly, I rather spend the friday night at home reading rather than with a group of friends doing something I don't like (ex: bowling, partying).


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

Yeah I am starting to feel really lonely and it seems to unhealthy that I really dont have any friends right now. In the past I have always had friends that are completely opposite of one another, which is so weird....I dont even know really what my beliefs or interests are either which makes it very hard.


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## Mazza (Oct 22, 2005)

I'm fairly close with my friends although they are closer to each other as they have all been best friends a lot longer.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

.


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## LibertadIlusoria (Dec 11, 2005)

I have a couple of "friends" that I talk to at school, but I doubt you could actually call them friends since I can't really talk to any of them about my problems or any thing, and if I did, they'd probably just roll their eyes and talk about me behind my back. I can probably count the number of times that I hung out with any of them outside of school on my fingers. I'll also probably never see any of them again after Wednesday because I'm going to the joint vocational school that my high school is affiliated with next year, and all of my "friends" are staying at regular high school. I think one of them is pissed that I'm "abandoning" her, but oh well. It seems like she only ever talks to me when there's no one more interesting around anyway, so I really don't give a ****.
Whoa, why do I always type so much? Must be compensating for the fact that I have no one to talk to in real life...


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## Vade (Mar 11, 2006)

There's only one person in my life whom I consider a "friend". I try my very best to spend time with him every chance I get. We live in the same suite, but only really spend an extended period of time together about two-three times a week, and in all other instances he'll stop by my door once in a while to say "Hi". Nevertheless, when he is in my company we have really profound discussions. 

Anyway, if it were my way he'd be my best friend, but I don't think he feels the same way about me.


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