# Girls, hints, flirting, inihitions, games



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

*Girls, hints, flirting, inhibitions, games*

These things confuse me. She flirts online in some subtle ways, but I can't tell if she means it or if its a game. I don't know what you want, you wont tell me. This is an annoying game. Am I supposed to suggest more but then go along with whats normal? Or suggest more and then do whatever I want? I don't know what game this is. Traditional asian girl wants western guy to be confident + have fling, yet justify it by pretending that its a real relationship, that you waited for a 'nice' guy? Or is it just a tease, a game to play before you leave? Something to think about while you are working?

Undecipherable.


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## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

Some girls play games, some don't. I just avoid the ones who do outright, not worth my time at all.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Can be any of those options.
Women all want different things and operate differently flirting.
If you are confused, then push it a bit further and see her react.
If she freaks out, then retreat and realise you are just good as friends.
There's no way around it, overthinking it will only drive you mad.. lol


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## theseshackles (Apr 23, 2011)

Save your precious time.


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## dp88 (Mar 18, 2011)

Girls are so damn confusing. Well, most of them anyways.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> Can be any of those options.
> Women all want different things and operate differently flirting.
> If you are confused, then push it a bit further and see her react.
> If she freaks out, then retreat and realise you are just good as friends.
> There's no way around it, overthinking it will only drive you mad.. lol


Thanks, good advice. I tried to flirt... Umm well I don't know what flirting is anyway. We only txt now and then, I've only met her in person once. It was an internet dating thing but she said she just wanted to be friends. We're gonna talk about it after her exam on Wednesday. It does seem to be something though, which will be interesting.

I suspect it will be a 'fling'. I haven't had one of those before, so yay.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

I'm seeing her tonight or tomorrow I think. She is moving away next week, I didn't expect it to be so soon. It will be interesting to see what happens. I think I see her as an equal and aren't scared of her so maybe anxiety will not be a problem so much - I mean mean in a non-normal way. Hopefully.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Ugh, I hate girls that do this.

Save it. She's not worth your time.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

good luck


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

Do what I did last time, I asked her out after some so called "hints" and she replied she has a boyfriend, kinda awkward afterwards but it lifts a stone from your heart, and it further enabled me to start the "don't give a duck about her" attitude


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> Ugh, I hate girls that do this.
> 
> Save it. She's not worth your time.





Raulz0r said:


> Do what I did last time, I asked her out after some so called "hints" and she replied she has a boyfriend, kinda awkward afterwards but it lifts a stone from your heart, and it further enabled me to start the "don't give a duck about her" attitude


Didn't see her last night. I'm starting to agree with you guys. I don't know why I got carried away with the idea that it might be something, that was silly. She never had time for me before, so I should just remind myself that.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

She said she is moving and she just wants to be friends.
Big red flags in the dating department.
I wish you better luck in the future, but you have balls for trying. A lot of guys on this site probably look up to you for that.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> She said she is moving and she just wants to be friends.
> Big red flags in the dating department.
> I wish you better luck in the future, but you have balls for trying. A lot of guys on this site probably look up to you for that.


Thanks Kathy, I think you're right.

The latest news is that I'm seeing her in about an hour, for a driving lesson haha.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Hm she drove a while, went to supermarket, went back to my place.

We talked, and then she left. I failed at making any moves, I did touch her shoulder once, and she moved away from me a little.

Hmm I don't know. The talking was nice. SAD seems to want me to analyze it some. It was nice, I need to leave it at that. Grr.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

To continue the monologue haha:

We went to a movie last night. Super 8. Its wasn't that great. But I held her hand. Haha without prompting or anything, just cos I wanted to. She seemed to react okay.

Today I acted differently at work, I talked like a regular person for a while to one of my colleagues. I made comments about random thing instead of being silent. All for no reason at all really. I wasn't trying harder. It just happened.

Dating does seem to have an effect on my SA/confidence/whatever. Or maybe its just her. I don't know.

I do really like her. I have come to understand that the communication problems were from her Chinese-ness. I think I have a better idea of what she wants.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

You probably already know this, but they are probably just waiting for you to make a move. I say go for it and then you'll have a better idea if it's a game or not.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> You probably already know this, but they are probably just waiting for you to make a move. I say go for it and then you'll have a better idea if it's a game or not.


Oh I'm not so sure. She's very traditional, only had one boyfriend before, for 5 years and he cheated on her. I don't want to mess her around or anything. She's here for 2 more weeks so I'm hoping to just get to spend more time with her and whatever happens happens.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

andy1984 said:


> Oh I'm not so sure. She's very traditional, only had one boyfriend before, for 5 years and he cheated on her. I don't want to mess her around or anything. She's here for 2 more weeks so I'm hoping to just get to spend more time with her and whatever happens happens.


I thought "traditional" was when the man made the moves? Really, unless your afraid of ruining a special friendship somehow (I don't see really possible), then you should take it a step further so you know where you stand. If you know where you stand it would be easier to accept either you're a friend or a potential lover. Simple. I'm always all about being direct if that is my intention in the first place.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Escalate that **** and see what happens.



andy1984 said:


> Today I acted differently at work, I talked like a regular person for a while to one of my colleagues. I made comments about random thing instead of being silent. All for no reason at all really. I wasn't trying harder. It just happened.
> 
> Dating does seem to have an effect on my SA/confidence/whatever. Or maybe its just her. I don't know.


Yeah I have discovered a consistent pattern where "female warmth" manages to get me out of an unsociable and Aspie-like funk. It`s like my brain suddenly remembers how to act human again.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Friend. She says I'm just a friend.


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## Nessy (Mar 3, 2011)

Aww  I feel for you bro, rejection always sucks


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

andy1984 said:


> Friend. She says I'm just a friend.


It's a common occurrence. On to the next one...


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Nessy said:


> Aww  I feel for you bro, rejection always sucks


Yeah I was sad for about a day. But hey I have a new date today with someone else - cafe at 3:00. Such awesome timing. The girls at work are looking forward to hearing how the date goes on monday haha. The new girl I have hardly talked to at all online, and she is slightly unattractive... but I figure it might make me feel better, and I should never pass up a date opportunity.

And the Chinese girl did actually say if I move to Auckland - which I may do - maybe we can start something. She made me some food which she gave to me when I saw her briefly yesterday. It wasn't too awkward. I learned from the internet that Chinese people stand very close to each other as a way of showing they are friends, so I can add that to the list of cultural misunderstandings.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Don't attach any meaning to flirting. It is only meant to be fun. So be flirtatious back and just enjoy the playfullness.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Haha the date was a no show. Not surprising really. Well I had a nice orange juice anyway


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Wow, a no show? I'm actually surprised that has never happened to me before, but I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I'm saying this because I've had everything ELSE bad happen to me before (knock on wood).

This is how dating works sometimes. People can be rude and flakey. Not your fault if your a nice person to begin with.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> Wow, a no show? I'm actually surprised that has never happened to me before, but I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I'm saying this because I've had everything ELSE bad happen to me before (knock on wood).
> 
> This is how dating works sometimes. People can be rude and flakey. Not your fault if your a nice person to begin with.


I've had it happen a few times before. This one was classic because she texted me as I was leaving to say she has the flu. I asked her why she didn't text me earlier, and she replied that she was asleep. :/

I'm sure I'll bounce back in a few days, I'm feeling pretty down today.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Saw the Chinese girl last night. Kissed, etc. Have some feelings for her but not sure. Don't know her well enough, and she's moving tomorrow. I may be moving too eventually.

New meet with a new girl tomorrow, and even maybe the same for Sunday.

Trying to push myself. Will be interesting. Internet dating has never been this easy before. Don't know whats different.


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## psgchisolm (Jul 8, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> Thanks, good advice. I tried to flirt... Umm well I don't know what flirting is anyway. We only txt now and then, I've only met her in person once. It was an internet dating thing but she said she just wanted to be friends. We're gonna talk about it after her exam on Wednesday. It does seem to be something though, which will be interesting.
> 
> I suspect it will be a 'fling'. I haven't had one of those before, so yay.


Flirting is just teasing. Like if she drops something you just crack jokes about how clumsy she is.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Stood up x2 now. Its kind of embarrassing. Whatever. I really feel quite bad about it. Am I that unattractive? I'm trying really hard. Its not easy to ask girls to meet.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Like I said in another thread, trying to win a girl over can be like:


heroin said:


> It's kinda like laying a trap for a unicorn. You are attempting to trap this mythical being who "loves you for you". The trap has to be beautiful, enticing and inviting. You make one mistake, step on a twig, reveal your real hunter self behind the beautiful trap too soon, and the unicorn will bolt.


More often than not, that is accurate.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

heroin said:


> Like I said in another thread, trying to win a girl over can be like:
> 
> More often than not, that is accurate.


I agree with this. If the girl is interested in knowing you beforehand then it isn't as sensitive.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

andy1984 said:


> I've had it happen a few times before. This one was classic because she texted me as I was leaving to say she has the flu. I asked her why she didn't text me earlier, and she replied that she was asleep. :/
> 
> I'm sure I'll bounce back in a few days, I'm feeling pretty down today.


Haha, actually, yeah, I've had this happen before. I never had it happen when I arrived at the place though. They usually cancel right beforehand. Had a girl I was supposed to meet at a public park. Last minute she canceled and never heard from her again. I'm sure this isn't the only time. I could most likely think of some more. Hell, I've done it before too though. I remember driving to a date and getting second thoughts and driving home and not because I was scared but because I wasn't really convinced I was interested enough in her...

See, this is where it kind of gets to me. Do men not expect rejection to be a part of dating? Or do some men have seriously low esteems that they cannot handle the rejection? I'm speaking of men in general. Don't you think we should be prepared for this? This happens to the best of us. Me, personally, I've got a tougher skin, but it still breaks under enough rejections and I need a break from dating. But shouldn't we strive to develop thicker skins? Or are you guys more opt to say to hell with it and stop? I'm very interested in this...

Btw, andy, I've seen your pictures. I don't think your a bad looking guy in the slightest. Keep at it if you have the heart for it.


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## psgchisolm (Jul 8, 2011)

andy1984 said:


> Stood up x2 now. Its kind of embarrassing. Whatever. I really feel quite bad about it. Am I that unattractive? I'm trying really hard. Its not easy to ask girls to meet.


No you are not unattractive. You are just doing the wrong things. You aren't TRIGGERING attraction. She probably agreed to go on a date but she knew she wouldn't come anyway. Please answer these questions.

What are you two doing before you ask her out?
How are you asking her out?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> But shouldn't we strive to develop thicker skins? Or are you guys more opt to say to hell with it and stop? I'm very interested in this...


Yeah I guess I should develop a thicker skin. I don't think I'll stop. I will learn from it, maybe see the signs that they aren't that interested and try to accept it.



bwidger85 said:


> Btw, andy, I've seen your pictures. I don't think your a bad looking guy in the slightest. Keep at it if you have the heart for it.


Thanks 



psgchisolm said:


> What are you two doing before you ask her out?
> How are you asking her out?


Yeah she kinda stopped talking online after she agreed to meet. She did talk a little bit. But... there were signs, I just ignored them.

I am hopefully meeting someone from the dating site tomorrow - she is a LOT more talkative than the last 2. And this time I told her to text me when she is ready so I wont be hanging around waiting for her. I think this one is more as friends.

Lol meeting someone else is a good distraction from being stood up. I'm sure at some stage a girl will turn up when she says she's going to. To be honest I am still a bit emotionally attached to the Chinese girl. So these others don't really matter at the moment.


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## psgchisolm (Jul 8, 2011)

Does the Chinese girl have a bf? Is it more like a "thing" or just friends?


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## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

@Andy1984, like Kathy said I think a lotta guys will read this thread and award you legend status. Every dateless guy here should learn from this thread to not care about the women who don't want them and not take the rejection to heart so they can move along to the next prospect until they find a woman who does want them.

I'm single/not looking and I still respect your balls in this department, way to tell SA to stfu mate!

@Heroin, that unicorn analogy is like poetry and absolutely spot on. You're like a truth machine, atleast when you're not talking about Hip Hop! :b

_"It's kinda like laying a trap for a unicorn. You are attempting to trap this mythical being who "loves you for you". The trap has to be beautiful, enticing and inviting. You make one mistake, step on a twig, reveal your real hunter self behind the beautiful trap too soon, and the unicorn will bolt."_


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

psgchisolm said:


> Does the Chinese girl have a bf? Is it more like a "thing" or just friends?


No bf. It is more like a thing. Sometimes... she is very busy and doesn't contact me for a while and I feel like she doesn't care or something. But then when we did spend time together and when she texts me she says very nice things. She's moved away now but I plan to follow maybe in a month and a half - not just for her, got a lot of good reasons to move there.



Misanthropic79 said:


> @Andy1984, like Kathy said I think a lotta guys will read this thread and award you legend status. Every dateless guy here should learn from this thread to not care about the women who don't want them and not take the rejection to heart so they can move along to the next prospect until they find a woman who does want them.
> 
> I'm single/not looking and I still respect your balls in this department, way to tell SA to stfu mate!


Lol I haven't really done anything... I do feel good about going to the cafe and waiting and trying to be relaxed about it. Thanks though. I have decided to work on myself more. I need to do exercise etc and be healthier.


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