# Does anyone experience a wierd eye contact phobia?



## *blushy* (Jul 10, 2006)

I have this thing about eye contact...maybe i'm just obsessing, but i am always aware of it. When i'm giving it, when i'm not, what i look at, if they know what i am looking at, how long i look at something. Please tell me someone knows what i am talking about.


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## binx005 (Jun 14, 2006)

I think i know what u r talking about because the hardest part for me to have SAD is that it feels uncomfortable making eye contact. If i make eye contact then my face muscles get all tense and sometimes i cant even make eye contact for 1 second. it seems to freak my friends out when i look at them all weird but i cant help it.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I used to have problems with eye contact but I don't anymore. It just took practice and exposure.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Eye contact is a weird thing. I barely make eye contact with my own mother, to begin with, let alone people in my own family. I remember as a child my dad saying "look people in the eyes when you talk them" (including himself)... I think he even said that about the pastor of my church. 

I don't look people in the eyes nearly as much as everyone else. I do live in America, though, and in the Northeast, so it's slightly more common here and in metropolitan places to be eye contact distant from others. But my level of eye contact distantness is a little extreme. It's mainly the fact that I have nothing to say to people, specifically new people that I am hanging out with. I usually have nothing much in common with them so what can I do? Look them in the eyes and say "what do you do for fun?". Yeah, sure. Maybe I don't care enough about these people to engage conversation and make eye contact with them. I'd rather just not be in that situation half of the time, or more.


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## se7 (Nov 28, 2005)

I've never thought of not making I contact as part of my SA. It's only something I've really noticed in the past few years. When I ever talk to people, I watch their mouth. I don't realise I'm doing it, and I've no idea if they do. Then sometimes I will realise I'm looking at their mouth then move to their eyes only to see they've been looking at my eyes all the time, my eyes start to water and I have to look away.

I'm weird


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## Lupus (Oct 29, 2005)

I think its pretty normal amongst the aoraphobic type SA people to get this.


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## dangat (Jul 11, 2006)

What's interesting is I know one person who makes less eye-contact than me, and I feel like there's no reason for him to be afraid of me. But then, I won't make eye contact with normal people when they expect it, and they're probably thinking the same thing.


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## guitargal (Jul 10, 2006)

When I was young I did not make much eye contact with people. Long before I labeled myself as having an anxiety disorder, I came to realize that I did not make much eye contact and didn't know why. 

Due to my career and wanting to obtain professional credentials, I studied up on how to maintain more eye contact and work on communication. What I learned was focus on the triangle BETWEEN the two eyes and down to the nose. That way the person you are communicating with senses more contact. Another thing I learned is that I dominate looking in the left eye. If I shift to looking at their right eye or lower nose they sense that I am losing focus and drifting out to space. 

Find your comfortable focal point and retain that when talking with others.


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## katelyn (Jul 11, 2006)

I can't seem to get the whole eye contact thing right. I used to never make eye contact. Then someone gave me the usual advice "look people in the eye when you're talking to them". So I started doing that. Now people ask me "why are you staring?".


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## medea (May 6, 2006)

For maybe 22 years I never made eye contact, then I went eye contact CRAZY. I would look directly at anyone and everyone until they looked away. Finally I took this job working for this ivy league educated BRILLIANT man who was the exact same way. He would stare right into everyone's eyes but do so in a non confrontational way. I use to love talking to him because we would be staring right at each other, I would always break first because he made me laugh or smile so much. 

Anyway, we had a falling out where he accused me of trying to put the moves on him and I denied it and quit the job utterly embarrassed, everytime we see each other now I can't stand to look at him in the eyes. I absolutely hate it, it's like spiders crawling up my back. 

Ok, that's my eye contact story. 

edited to say I generally hate looking people in the eyes whom I dislike unless we're having a conflict, in that case I will stare them down, but with that particular person, I don't dislike him, I still think he's a great guy but I just cannot bring myself to look at him like I did before.


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## realrage (Jul 11, 2005)

This trips me out constantly. I always seem to think about it right when I shouldn't be, when I'm breaking something down or trying to listen. Any opportunity I get to throw myself off when I'm trying to not appear anxious I guess.


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## realrage (Jul 11, 2005)

This trips me out constantly. I always seem to think about it right when I shouldn't be, when I'm breaking something down or trying to listen. Any opportunity I get to throw myself off when I'm trying to not appear anxious I guess.


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## friendless (Jul 17, 2006)

I think that avoiding eye contact occurs with social phobia


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

I guess making eye contact implies some kind of social connection with somebody and by not looking into people's eyes we can "get through" the situation without actually even joining in the socialising.

Kind of.

Just something I've been thinking of, this eye contact thing.

And maybe we're scared that if we do get a social life... it'll be too much pressure?


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## longwindingroad (Jul 20, 2006)

i can tlook at anybody str8 in the eyes, especially my parents.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

*blushy* said:


> I have this thing about eye contact...maybe i'm just obsessing, but i am always aware of it. When i'm giving it, when i'm not, what i look at, if they know what i am looking at, how long i look at something. Please tell me someone knows what i am talking about.


I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm just staring at their eyes to make it appear as if they have my full attention, when in reality, I'm just nervously thinking of what I should say next.

But here's a story for ya:

Yesterday in class, I was talking to a girl whom I was planning to ask out. Our desks were inches apart from eachother, so we were literally speaking face to face. I made sure to keep good eye contact, while she took a grand tour of my face (I have acne). I studdered and paused for a moment mid-sentence as my self-esteem took a punch to the gut. After that, I decided to abort mission.


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## Ledd Bullet (Feb 26, 2006)

i have this even with my dad. i hate feeling like people are staring at me, even if someone is just looking at me when i'm talking to them.


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## silverstein (Jul 9, 2006)

ianthe said:


> Strangely enough, I never had a problem with eye contact. If anything, I tend to make people uncomfortable with my excessive use of it.


I can make even the most confident and strongest women uncomfortable when I make eye-contact. Turns out I keep making it for too long so I'm trying to keep it to a reasonable lenght now.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

OMG. The other day at class, my teacher was explaining our lab to us, and I kept my eyes on him while he was talking (to show respect), and then he locked eyes with me and made the lecture to the entire class seem completely directed at me! I didn't give up though and still looked him in the eye (for like 10 seconds) and then he finally turned away. HAHA! I win.


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## enith1750 (Apr 23, 2006)

I only have that problem because I have a lazy eye that likes to act up sometimes, and it makes me really self concious when I have to make eye contact for more than a few minutes. I know that because of that, I come across as aloof or uninterested, but thats so far from the truth.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I don't make eye contact with anyone. I don't want them looking at me and the circles under my eyes.


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

What is it that is so scary about eye contact?

Is it because they are the windows to the soul,and they can say so much?

jenky


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## Wolfen (Apr 26, 2004)

I make very short eye contact with strangers on the street out of fear of getting a (negative) reaction.
With people I know it's ok I guess.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I don't understand eye contact and it's significance. When I was a kid my dad would tell me to look people in the eyes when I talked to them and tell me to shake people's hands. I don't understand all of these social rules. I live in a different world.


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## friendly stranger (Jul 30, 2006)

I think I unconscious don't make eye-contact with strangers, p.e. when i go for a herbal calm tea at the coffee shop.
If I'm sitting in the front yard with the dogs and strangers walk by i feel uncomfterable (when not been drinking) and avoid eye-contact.
With people i know well there's no problem i guess, i just don't "stare" in their eyes.
Some people I know I don't like to look in the eyes though, like my parents (gives me a guilty feeling or something), but i don't see them anymore


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## TheWeirdMysterious (Aug 4, 2006)

Restless Mind said:


> OMG. The other day at class, my teacher was explaining our lab to us, and I kept my eyes on him while he was talking (to show respect), and then he locked eyes with me and made the lecture to the entire class seem completely directed at me! I didn't give up though and still looked him in the eye (for like 10 seconds) and then he finally turned away. HAHA! I win.


Hahahaha, I can relate to this in a way. I also look at the teachers face or eyes when they are lecturing then when they turn to look at me I freak out. Sometimes I keep looking at them to show interest and nod my head a bit but the majority of the time I look down at my desk or direct my eyes to another location.


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## meatwad (Jul 13, 2006)

Try focusing at their lower forehead.

You aren't looking into their eyes, but they won't know that.


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## philomath (Aug 10, 2006)

*avoiding eye contact.*

I tend to avoid eye contact for reasons too numerous to list here, but the chief motive is trying to avoid "giving myself away." Why would you want to make eye contact with, say, a complete stranger, or someone whom you find, intuitively, untrustworthy? Eyes speak volumes I'm not quite ready to share; the non-verbal information that's exchanged from eye to eye is immense.


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## Sssshannnn (Jun 5, 2006)

i hate eye contact because it kinda feels too personal almost as if a person can tell what im thinking by looking into my eyes, also it feels creepy almost like im being touched. i sometimes have this irrational fear that if i look someone in the eyes they think that im comming on to them


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## quietbaby (Apr 12, 2006)

I have this problem too and it is driving me crazy daily I think the people at my job must think I'm crazy.


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## lovesherbabies (Aug 25, 2006)

I have struggled with making eye contact for a long time. I realize that people notice so i try to make eye contact when the are speaking to me so they know i am listening. But i find it impossible to look people in the eye while i am speaking. some times, like when im talking to my regular doctor i really do try b/c i know he is looking for things like that, but i just have to look away after about a second. 
If im around people i dont know very well sometimes i cant even look at them. We can all be sitting watching tv and i cant even focus on the tv b/c im too busy worrying about being looked at. even tho i am sure no one is watching me. But i find myself avoiding looking at people all together when im feeling anxious.


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## tired_tool (Sep 6, 2005)

Im trying to maintain eye contact with acquaintances, seniors/superiors and strangers. But the biggest the trouble is, I just don't understand when and how to break the eye contact. So I end up breaking it in a very abrupt fashion, meaning that the other person would make out that I become uncomfortable and looked sideways.

In college, ours is a class of seven students, so there's a lot of eye contcat and nods of the head. I can maintain contact for a few seconds (depending on how intimidating the teacher is) but always end up looking at my feet or somewhere else at which I notice most teachers quickly shifting their focus elsewhere.

Then where strangers are involved somehow my eye contact always breaks on something approaching hostility in the other eyes; maybe they are reflecting what they percieve in my eyes. I observed this many times but never really understood.


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## Panic Prone (Mar 5, 2006)

yes, definetly. Sometimes I can do it no problem while other times I still struggle with it. Forcing myself to make eye contact has really helped.


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## lutherbfree (Aug 21, 2006)

*blushy* said:


> I have this thing about eye contact...maybe i'm just obsessing, but i am always aware of it. When i'm giving it, when i'm not, what i look at, if they know what i am looking at, how long i look at something. Please tell me someone knows what i am talking about.


Classic Social Phobia, read all about it in a DSM IV found in your local library. Let me guess, then you worry that the other person is thinking about you not making eye contact? It is a vicious cycle and have heard of some trying EMDR therapy and having success, but I've yet to try it. The only med combo to help me was a Nardil/Valium combination. I had to stop Nardil last year, but after 13 years of taking it, I learned to socialize. It is kind of funny how you always here that meds are just a band aid, not always the case, I'm living proof. I still have problems without Nardil and would like to have it back, but can't at this point in time. Take care and email me anytime.
Sincerely,
Brian


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## Beautiful (May 27, 2006)

Now that I think about it, I am weird about eye contact, even when im talking to my best friend! I hardly even look at her... and today at Jack In The Box she called me weird.... (because I dont like to eat inside)

I dont know if I do it to anyone else or just her. Sometimes when im tellin a story or explaining something to her, I cant keep eye contact with her, my eyes wonder alot. :um 

And when you know people are looking at you when your not looking at them.. like you feel them staring at you.. I dont know where to look cuz I know their watching me and it makes me nervous. lol


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## lutherbfree (Aug 21, 2006)

*eye contact*

This is just one of the many SP symptoms. I have read that studies show that Klonopin can be effective for 80% who have these problems. It never worked for me, but I have more than just SP. Klonopin is a benzo, but the side-effects are less than most anti-depressants. Forget what the FDA says about SSRI's and SNRI's approved for anxiety disorders, it isn't true. These pharmaceutical companies have huge amounts of money and clout. They are running the FDA, not the tax payers.
Some of the other problems I had concerning SP were writing in public, using a public restroom, felt as if I were being analyzed by others while in public and tension headaches due to anxiety that would persist until I found the Nardil/Valium combo. I ended up with Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is just severe SP. Some doctors would read about my PD and try to give me meds for conditions like bipolar. Some just don't know their own profession. As soon as they would mention one of the anti-psychotics I would head for the door never to return.


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## Chrysalii (Jun 24, 2006)

Yup, I never do it unconsciously. I have to force myself to do it.
Basically for many of the reasons stated already.


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## Beautiful (May 27, 2006)

Uh.... benzo's are addictive and personally I dont think meds are the answer. But thats just my opinion. My doc put me on so many ****ing meds for anxiety and depression and all it did was **** up my head even more and i got addicted to them and i finally said **** it and weened myself off of them and never went back to him. If your trying to get over something... I say just suck it up and face your fear and get over it.... easier said than done though.

I wasnt perscribed to Xanax or Klonopin but I knew they helped anxiety.So I started popping them and they just totaly change you, and you dont remember ****. I wouldnt recomend anyone taking xanax on a regular basis to help SA. It helps, but its too addicting to stop once you started.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Yes, I hate to make eye contact. I can't even make eye contact with family members. I am also afraid that if I make eye contact with someone that they will think I have a crush on them and then that person will be repulsed with me. It kind of strains my eyes looking at a person in the eye too.


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## shill (Feb 18, 2006)

jenkydora said:


> What is it that is so scary about eye contact?
> 
> Is it because they are the windows to the soul,and they can say so much?
> 
> jenky


Eye contact is instinctually interpreted as a threat in many animals (especially "lower mammals"). If an animal breaks eye contact, it signals that it is submissive, but if it keeps eye contact, it signals that it wants to fight. This is complete speculation, but I think that in some people, the limbic system (the more "instinctual" part of the brain) is more "powerful" than the neocortex (which controls reasoning), and the limbic system triggers a flight-or-fight response which cannot be stopped by the neocortex.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triune_brain and http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articl ... 414B7F0000


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

tired_tool said:


> Im trying to maintain eye contact with acquaintances, seniors/superiors and strangers. But the biggest the trouble is, I just don't understand when and how to break the eye contact. So I end up breaking it in a very abrupt fashion, meaning that the other person would make out that I become uncomfortable and looked sideways.


Exactly^^^^ this past friday i was in my bosses office with him and another coworker. boss was behind his desk, me and the other guy were sitting on chairs on the opposite sides of the room from each other. So my boss is trying to 'be equal' and while talking to us he'd look at me for a few sentences,then at the other guy, back and forth,etc.

He kept (must have) noticed that I'd make eye contact for a moment,then do the obvious look-away, look out the window, fake cough,whatever. 
So he'd go back to talking to the other guy, then he'd come back to me and 3-5 seconds later, i break contact again.
He MUST have noticed, because after that he never looked in my direction again for the remainder of the conversation, about another 3-4 minutes.
I dont even know what was said during those 3 minutes because I was (naturally!!!) just thinking about how he noticed that i was uncomfotable with the eye contact, and is now trying to accomodate my weirdness.


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## ripvanwinkle (Sep 3, 2006)

Hey, stop staring at me! Yeah, I have this problem too. It really crimps my style as a gay man because eye contact is the classic way to signal erotic interest. When I notice a guy staring at me, I feel threatened and find it almost impossible to stare back even if I'm interested. Perhaps I need to apply some Preparation L to my oversized limbic brain.


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

I find eye contact very difficult. In fact I find even looking at a person's face very difficult. I can't seem to think and talk and look at the person's face all at the same time. I didn't even know I had this problem, or that it was important, untill it was pointed out to me a couple of years ago.


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## AlwaysAlone (Sep 4, 2006)

Well, I myself have a problem with eye contact, but it's related to my Asperger's Syndrome, rather than to my Social Anxiety. But I can definitely relate to you, *blushy*.


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## ChrisA (Nov 6, 2003)

I used to have a huge problem with eye contact. I kind of felt like Sssshannnn did when he said "i hate eye contact because it kinda feels too personal almost as if a person can tell what im thinking by looking into my eyes". I did a couple things that helped a little. I would look at the persons eye brows instead of directly in their eyes. I also wore glasses even though I really didnt need them. It kind of gave a barrier between me and the other person. I think I read some time back that many people (ex. elton john) wear shades for that reason. Anyway, this is no permanent solution, but it did help me survive a few situations. CBT and to a lesser extent meds helped solve the problem permanently.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

For some reason, I have the opposite problem - too much eye contact, and it scares people. I don't do it to be mean. Most of the time, I have other things on my mind. I make sure to break eye contact every once in a while.

Some eye contact is good - but too much is not so good .


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## Melyse (Sep 7, 2006)

When I am working and the customer is looking into my eyes while talking, and I am looking back into theirs i will think "am I making too much eye contact? do they think I am staring at them?" and i look away. But when I am talking to people close to me, I don't even notice how much eye contact i make. I definitely believe it is associated with SA.


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## IndigoGirl (Aug 13, 2006)

Yeah, i'm still working on it as of now. I figure getting sunglasses will kinda help with that issue because i rarely talk to someone without looking downward, side to side alot.


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## dangat (Jul 11, 2006)

On days my self-esteem is pumped up for some reason, eye-contact is easy. But usually I feel like I will reveal my defenses and white-lies (i.e. acting like I like someone) if I make eye-contact. If you think someone is lying to you and they won't make eye-contact, you can't be sure, but if they make eye contact, you can get a good sense either way...and that goes for little lies, like we use to protect ourselves. But I do think the main reason I don't make eye contact is I rely so much on the defense of pretending to like people when I don't like anyone as much as I let on, really, and as long as I don't make eye-contact I can keep up the defense.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Eye contact used to make me very uncomfortable. I felt like I was being invaded or something whenever someone looked into my eyes. Lately, I've been able to make more eye contact, but I'm always self-concious about it. 'Am I making too much eye contact, not enough eye contact?' is what I keep asking myself during a conversation.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

In reply to original poster

yes very much so

Its very uncomfortable and it happens often when i'm directly facing someone and working on a computer for example or say I'm speaking to TWO people and I'll reply/answer back one but have in mind the other person so I'll stare at them...i feel crazy and extremely uncomfortable when i do this because its obviously very strange.

It always happens a lot in those situations where you you should be focusing on one thing such as the computer screen but you're also aware of this other person and your eyes/brain thoughts whatever just glance over and once I'm aware that the other person notices this it becomes EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I try to look down or away but the more I think that the more it seems to worsen...almost like I'm unable to control my eyes movement

Its terrible to say the least and I'm not sure i guess its lack of focus...when I am extremely focused and unaware of other individuals it doesn't happen but its very rare now.


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

I had a problem with eye contact but I started obsessing over trying to maintain eye contact with people to somehow become closer to them... kind of a way to compensate for my lack of ways to connect with people. Now I make eye contact with everyone... but I don't really see much of a difference.


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## i.breathe.in (Sep 25, 2006)

i have this problem quite bad. it sucks. people always stare at me since i have a lot of tattoos and that doesnt help much.


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

I never know where to look. I struggle to look my own mother or boyfriend in the eye, it just freaks me out. I hate public transport where someone is positioned facing you. I look to one side then see someone else behind them and just keep rotating round people uncomfortably, or unfocussing my eyes into a kind of trance.
I think I do wierd things when I actually do eye contact like staring or looking terrified or flicking my eyes in all directions.
I went on a job interview workshop and my eye contact terrified the guy he said :lol I tried the excercise again looking into his eyes and he said I wasn't actually looking at him but flicking my eyes about.

Going back to what to the gay guy said earlier, I feel I am coming onto men (I'm a girl) if I look them in the eye, and feel really embarrased.


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## lilly (Mar 22, 2006)

I've been able to have eye contact with people I talk to but in earlier years I couldn't - especially if I had a hangover or bad night or felt threatened by them in some way. My struggle is about being in public - if I don't know people I find that really hard - to look at strangers - I find it very confronting and feel very shy about it. Often I'm wearing sunglasses to cope with that - when inside somewhere it is too confronting for me usually.


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## gg87 (Sep 26, 2006)

post deleted.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

i.breathe.in said:


> i have this problem quite bad. it sucks. people always stare at me since i have a lot of tattoos and that doesnt help much.


why get them...you knew the tattoos would do that. especially when you have a lot of tattoos.


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## xLonewolf (Aug 15, 2006)

I hate making eye contact. I always feel when I look at someone in the eyes that they could see a weirdness through my eyes, like they can see all my emotions. Also I dont like my eyes, they usually have dark circles underneath.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

instil said:


> i.breathe.in said:
> 
> 
> > i have this problem quite bad. it sucks. people always stare at me since i have a lot of tattoos and that doesnt help much.
> ...


oooh i forgot i posted this. what an excellent question.....response please...anyone feel free to answer this if they have a similar situation


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

they want attention, but they do not want the attention at the same time.


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