# making eye-contact helped me today



## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

I was at the bank with my mom. She was arguing with the teller. It's pretty typical of her to argue with service people. In the peripheral of my vision I noticed a couple standing behind us. I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed to be associated with my mom. I'm sure they were thinking, "I feel sorry for that teller to have to deal with a hysterical woman." Well, normally I would keep my head down in shame and hope to leave as quickly as possible...but then I thought, "I wanna see exactly what those people look like...I wanna catch them in their superior state of mind." So I did. I turned my head and made eye-contact with the couple behind me and as soon as I did, their amused smirks turned into shameful frowns, hah! I caught them in the act...and they felt guilty for it. Well, I felt much better and didn't feel the need to run away and hide like I normally do when my mom embarrasses me in public.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

Yes that is kick ***! I am very happy that you descided to experiment despite what your mind wanted you to do. Keep that head up alohomora! YEAH BOI!!!


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## DepecheEyes (Aug 19, 2008)

alohomora said:


> I was at the bank with my mom. She was arguing with the teller. It's pretty typical of her to argue with service people. In the peripheral of my vision I noticed a couple standing behind us. I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed to be associated with my mom. I'm sure they were thinking, "I feel sorry for that teller to have to deal with a hysterical woman." Well, normally I would keep my head down in shame and hope to leave as quickly as possible...but then I thought, "I wanna see exactly what those people look like...I wanna catch them in their superior state of mind." So I did. I turned my head and made eye-contact with the couple behind me and as soon as I did, their amused smirks turned into shameful frowns, hah! I caught them in the act...and they felt guilty for it. Well, I felt much better and didn't feel the need to run away and hide like I normally do when my mom embarrasses me in public.


I'm ecstatic to see you used an excellent behavioral exercise and right at the moment!!! :idea This act was courageous and ingenious! There isn't any words that I can express how proud I am to hear you do this! :clap:clap:clap


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

It's nice that you were able to move beyond your initial habitual reaction to one that you wanted, way to change your thinking in the moment


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## joejoe (May 16, 2009)

that was freaking awesome, well done man. I've done that a few times with beautiful women walking past me and you'd be surprised how awkward it makes them look.

its great how that simple act made you change how you feel. power to you.


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## Drew (Jan 23, 2006)

DepecheEyes said:


> I'm ecstatic to see you used an excellent behavioral exercise and right at the moment!!! :idea This act was courageous and ingenious! There isn't any words that I can express how proud I am to hear you do this! :clap:clap:clap


I couldn't agree more! Great job! 

Anxiety can often be resolved by being proactive and taking action!


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

Thank you thank you everyone. I'm a girl by the way, hehe. Never mind that though. The replies here made me feel good.


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## bob_sleigh (Oct 31, 2008)

alohomora said:


> I was at the bank with my mom. She was arguing with the teller. It's pretty typical of her to argue with service people. In the peripheral of my vision I noticed a couple standing behind us. I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed to be associated with my mom. I'm sure they were thinking, "I feel sorry for that teller to have to deal with a hysterical woman." Well, normally I would keep my head down in shame and hope to leave as quickly as possible...but then I thought, "I wanna see exactly what those people look like...I wanna catch them in their superior state of mind." So I did. I turned my head and made eye-contact with the couple behind me and as soon as I did, their amused smirks turned into shameful frowns, hah! I caught them in the act...and they felt guilty for it. Well, I felt much better and didn't feel the need to run away and hide like I normally do when my mom embarrasses me in public.


Sounds good so long as you did it in a non-aggressive way? Have you heard of the passive-assertive-aggressive spectrum?


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

Sweet! I'll have to try that sometime. Nicely done!


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## espearite (Jan 2, 2009)

Yes, good for you. I have days (few though) where I can make eye contact without much anxiety. Usually it depends on who they are though and if they aren't distracted by it.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Congrats!


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## FoxGarden (Jun 6, 2009)

It's a very empowering feeling when you learn to initially make eye-contact with others. It used to make me nervous, looking people in the face like that, but I think the more you do it the easier it becomes. It's a judgmental thing I think, that initial fear that they'll think you're strange or odd for staring at them like that. 

Of course, don't let what anyone else thinks ever stop you to begin with!


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