# Online vs real life socialization



## KelsKels

Do you prefer making friends and talking to people online instead of real life? I think most of us can agree its a hell of a lot easier talking to people online. But do you prefer it?

Personally, Ive always been more of an online person. When I was really young I had my family, but growing up I depended more and more on chatting with people on the internet. I think talking online is just so much easier, and I actually do prefer it to making friends and going to parties in real life. Talking on facebook or messaging people on here and other places, makes me feel socially fulfilled. As long as I can see others and get out of the house seldomly, Im just as happy. What do you think?


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## Anonymous Loner

Online. Hands down. It's easier to meet people I can relate to online, and plus I don't have to deal with the crippling anxiety that I have to deal with in real life when talking with people online. In fact, I usually _can't_ talk with most people who I'm not already close with unless I'm feeling very comfortable, so making friends online is a must if I'm feeling lonely.


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## whatevzers

In my experience, talking to people online and expressing myself online is a lot easier. Although socializing with people in person is painfully difficult, I would say I prefer it. On the rare occasions I do go out with friends, I usually have a blast. Meeting and socializing with new people is pretty exciting too, even though it scares the crap out of me.

I'm not sure what it is, but most online conversations I have with people feel "fake" or forced. For me, its just not as genuine as a conversation in person. I can't read people online as well as I can in real life. I don't know their facial expression and whether or not they're being sarcastic.


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## AxeDroid

Online, because I don't feel I have anything in common with the people around me. Online I can connect with people much faster and better than me looking like a idiot to the person who i'm trying to befriend. I do wish that I could meet you all, even if it's one time.


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## Wirt

To an extent, yea online. But theres still a part of me that thinks/knows that you dont really know someone till you know them in real life. 

Im talking people you kinda get along with. Theres instances where you know someone so well online that you know what theyre like irl, but id call that the minority. In my opinion of course. Other people here tend to befriend eachother better than i do


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## KelsKels

AxeDroid said:


> Online, because I don't feel I have anything in common with the people around me. Online I can connect with people much faster and better than me looking like a idiot to the person who i'm trying to befriend. I do wish that I could meet you all, even if it's one time.


Yeah I completely agree with you.. If it weren't for anxiety Id probably prefer meeting people irl. But since Im constantly afraid that everyone is thinking Im a total loser, I much prefer using forums and messaging. Although I don't think that I could depend on that solely. I probably would get lonely if I didn't see people occasionally. But if this were real life, Id never be having this conversation with you.. or anyone else.


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## tea111red

Online is easier. I zone out less, feel more comfortable, don't have to worry about making awkward eye contact, sound like less of an idiot, etc.


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## emmal

Online friends are so great. They're easier to make and find and talk to and they usually understand the problems you're going through. I have many online friends and I don't think of them any less of a friend even though they are online (although I'm sure my family thinks differently).

The only problem I have with online friends is that they are so far away. I can't hug them when I need a hug and I can't hang out with them because they live half way across the country/world. If I could meet one of my online friends just once I would be so happy.


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## christacat

Neither, because I am hopeless at both


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## Valtron

All I ever do with friends anymore is go to the movies or watch tv or something. Maybe go to a restaurant. All my fun activities I do by myself. So really, friends are only good for talking with, which I can achieve online. So I guess I can go either way. If I had a boyfriend, there'd be a much more physical aspect to it, so it'd be different.


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## Letmebe

Both, I think both online and offline have thier place even if I can only count the offline one on one hand.

It may be easier to talk to people online, bit it is also easier to lie.


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## h00dz

I think its much easier to talk online than off, but I really enjoy the physical presence and interaction once I am comfortable enough. So while I probably prefer IRL, talking online defiantly has its place.


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## Trigo

I prefer real life, the contact feels real even though the anxiety is high.

But idk really, it's been a while since anyone bothered talking to me


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## Owl-99

As I have shied away from social contact because of SA, online is all I feel confident with.


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## asphodel

I strongly prefer socializing offline. There's less anxiety online, but the Internet is one big platform for people to talk about themselves. I don't even find _my_ feelings or problems very interesting. Offline we're more likely to be engaged in something of mutual interest that we can discuss instead of ourselves.

Online is better than nothing, is all. I just lose my mind if I spend more than an hour or two on it at a time.


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## Valtron

I just get tired of always being on the computer. It can't be healthy for me. So socializing offline is a nice change of scenery.


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## Roopy

I don't know... are people online genuine? I had an online boyfriend once, but then found out that he had many girlfriends online and was basically a pedophile, pervert, and kind of a stalker. (He was older than me..) I was going through intensive therapy at the time though, was suicidal and such and made a friend through youtube... maybe youtube is just a bad place to connect. I feel hopeless about all friendships/relationships. How do you know who's real or faking it? It could all be lies, and manipulation..


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## Roopy

maybe i just dont feel genuine anymore unless its in person. I skyped with that guy and everything but you just dont know a person until you've met them face to face... and even then... they could be lying. Hmm... maybe he was just a really bad person, but i feel insecure.


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## asphodel

Roopy said:


> I don't know... are people online genuine? I had an online boyfriend once, but then found out that he had many girlfriends online and was basically a pedophile, pervert, and kind of a stalker. (He was older than me..) I was going through intensive therapy at the time though, was suicidal and such and made a friend through youtube... maybe youtube is just a bad place to connect. I feel hopeless about all friendships/relationships. How do you know who's real or faking it? It could all be lies, and manipulation..


The only test I've found to be true is time. Pedophiles, perverts, stalkers, and everything else existed before the Internet, so offline is no guarantee.


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## Ntln

I don't mind either, I open up quicker online, however, let's be honest, not being physically close to the person you're talking to, not knowing what they sound or look like, it's just not the same.

I also find it very difficult to make friends online, since I'm afraid of coming off as an internet creeper, even though there's no reason I would. I'm fine making the first step and starting conversation in real life, but I get a mini anxiety attack that I have to overcome before sending a friend request or starting a conversation with anyone online. Which is part of the reason I have very, very few online friends, with the exception of those who have taken the initiative to befriend me themselves.


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## Roopy

asphodel said:


> The only test I've found to be true is time. Pedophiles, perverts, stalkers, and everything else existed before the Internet, so offline is no guarantee.


Yes, i guess time can tell...


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## Roopy

Ntln said:


> I don't mind either, I open up quicker online, however, let's be honest, not being physically close to the person you're talking to, not knowing what they sound or look like, it's just not the same.
> 
> I also find it very difficult to make friends online, since I'm afraid of coming off as an internet creeper, even though there's no reason I would. I'm fine making the first step and starting conversation in real life, but I get a mini anxiety attack that I have to overcome before sending a friend request or starting a conversation with anyone online. Which is part of the reason I have very, very few online friends, with the exception of those who have taken the initiative to befriend me themselves.


Yes me too! It's really weird. I kind of get a small anxiety attack when i talk to people online. But if there is a possibility of ever meeting that person in person...like...soon (lol) then it would be okay. And yes, meeting them would be awkward and I would find it hard. But I would prefer it much better. At least, i would want to know about the person online. If that person has written nothing about themselves - I think their fishy. (Not to be offensive to anyone who doesn't want to share personal info)


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## Roopy

Do you ever feel like. 'Who am I really, and how should i be on the internet?' thoughts? Like... if i'm outgoing on the internet i think... 'Would i be this outgoing in real life?' If i'm depressed in real life but act happy on the internet... its then like.. 'Would the person want to talk to the me who sees a hopeless future for a life?'

I used to play MMORPGs when i was 14... but now i just feel like a poser when i play those games. (For those who don't know what MMORPGs are, its like IMVU but like...fantasy. get weapons, etc.


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## Roopy

and MMORPGs are too fantasy for me now. Ugh, so not into it.


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## Nekomata

Online. I'm not comfortable and confident enough to get any real life friends, and I really can't be bothered with that either. Hell, I'm not even that bothered when it comes to online people either but it's easier I guess.


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## awkwardsilent

Real life, because you can do something other than talk, and there isn't the pressure to come up with topics, there is your surroundings to draw on.


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## CoastalSprite

I'm terrible at both. Online eliminates the physical awkwardness and I can just disappear whenever. They can judge me on fewer things, and can only know what I reveal (as opposed to being able to judge my appearance, how I carry myself, eye contact, etc.). But not having a physical presence can also be a detriment- I've often diffused my inability to speak sometimes by using body language, e.g. hand gestures. People also can't see you smile online and it looks so... repetitive to keep using  over and over. They can't hear your tone of voice, and you can't hear theirs. 

Either way it's taken some extraordinary people with the patience and understanding of saints (and also a little quirky or neurotic themselves to be honest) to have remained my friend for longer than a few months :blank


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## Malek

Ntln said:


> I don't mind either, I open up quicker online, however, let's be honest, not being physically close to the person you're talking to, not knowing what they sound or look like, it's just not the same.
> 
> I also find it very difficult to make friends online, since I'm afraid of coming off as an internet creeper, even though there's no reason I would. I'm fine making the first step and starting conversation in real life, but I get a mini anxiety attack that I have to overcome before sending a friend request or starting a conversation with anyone online. Which is part of the reason I have very, very few online friends, with the exception of those who have taken the initiative to befriend me themselves.


You have no reason to feel like a creeper. You're seventeen. Me on the other hand I'm older, I share your sentiments exactly. I can muscle up the courage to send a friend request but I almost never talk to anyone. I patiently wait and see if they want to strike up a conversation with me first, yet that is contingent they're bored enough and haven't forgotten about me, which is quite easy. I'd prefer friends in real life obviously but that doesn't seem like a liable option for me right now, no matter how hard I try. All I can do is practice slowly online and then apply what I've learned in the real world.


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## Ntln

Malek said:


> You have no reason to feel like a creeper. You're seventeen. Me on the other hand I'm older, I share your sentiments exactly. I can muscle up the courage to send a friend request but I almost never talk to anyone. I patiently wait and see if they want to strike up a conversation with me first, yet that is contingent they're bored enough and haven't forgotten about me, which is quite easy. I'd prefer friends in real life obviously but that doesn't seem like a liable option for me right now, no matter how hard I try. Alli can do is practice slowly online and then apply what I've learned in the real world.


I know, deep down, that my fear is irrational. I'm not even sure why I have this fear, might just be that I've gotten a decent amount of practice talking to people in person, but not online, might be that people seldom contact me themselves online, so I feel like I have no reason to do it, or it might just be that I've developed a reputation as "that kinda quiet guy who nobody knows anything about and never goes out", which in itself is an uncomfortable position to be in.


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## Malek

Indeed it is...


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## Symphony22

I prefer/am better at making friends in real life, rather ironically. The catch is that I can't hang onto them because my SA gets in the way and I let things fade away because I don't follow up, don't respond to texts, don't answer phone calls, etc. Sometimes I've found people who were aggressive enough about getting in touch with me that they ended up MAKING me be their friend. I need those kinds of people in my life, but most of them have eventually given up over the years. Sad, I know.


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## vanishingpt

I don't mind either as well...

But it's definitely easier to pick up on someone's tone, emotion, etc. in person than it is online. Upside of meeting people online is you can meet people all around the world. I always like learning about other cultures/traditions, it's interesting!


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## Lonely Tiger

I find real life socializing way more fulfilling, could be because i'm a visual person? It's harder to make friends in real life especially if you got social anxiety though.


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## Greenleaf62

I love to make friends in real life, but I also enjoy making friends online when I can. I feel like it's a lot easier to talk to someone online.


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## TobeyJuarez

Real life hands down... This summer I had a class and our group hung out every night afterschool from like 4 to 2 in the mourning ... Probably the greatest time of my life


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## cousin corona

I have more online "friends" than I do irl...but 95% of online friendships are shallow and meaningless.(for me anyway) My fewtrue friendships have been established away from my computer.

I've only made one good friend online and after we decided to meet in person we started hanging out/talking on the phone.

We don't even talk online anymore. I'm pretty sure all of my strictly online friends wouldn't even notice if I died

Online is weird


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## Steinerz

I'm not much for either tbh. Hell, sometimes I wonder why I still bother making friends. I don't like conversing and I don't like the added complexity of friendships. Yet here I am.


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## Malek

SteinerOfThule said:


> I'm not much for either tbh. Hell, sometimes I wonder why I still bother making friends. I don't like conversing and I don't like the added complexity of friendships. Yet here I am.


Same I have friends in real life that want to play with me, just now I declined a Summoner's Rift match from 3 friends and 1 acquaintance, I just didn't feel like it. I just woke up. -_- 
They're mostly my brother's friends, friends by association, I don't understand why they would like to hangout with me cause in my mind I am not worthy, it is irrational like that.

65 fb friends, 61 of those are not friends and just acquaintances.

Online it's essentially all acquaintances, mostly just random people who've forgotten about me. We chat for a couple days or weeks at most then I push them away by being afraid to bother them them or intrude on their time. It's whatever...


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## dreamersoul

I like both for different reasons. Online makes me less nervous and you can meet people easier, but real life is much more fulfilling and creates good memories that the internet isn't capable of to the same degree.


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## laura024

For me it's much easier to communicate online. There is no body language to read, no eye contact to worry about, no awkwardness on my part. If I need or want to leave a conversation, I can do so easier than if I were speaking in person.


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## Porcupine Tree

I used to prefer online but have quickly realized that you can't just have online and be healthy, socially. I have one online friend, and would love a few more (partly why I'm here!), but I desperately want to make new real life friends, too. 

When you hit that point in SA recovery, it's a good feeling. The hard part is finding people with common ground in addition to people who can respect our various hang-ups.


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## lisac1919

You know what would be so cool? If we could get the courage to take it a step further and find people to talk to on the phone. I can imagine its a really cool feeling to have someone who you don't know in real life at all but who you can talk to on the phone as opposed to typing


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## lisac1919

OR to somehow have an 'online' party where we all watched the same movie on tv or something and type what we were thinking about it, and all drank beer and ate popcorn at the same time lol or do a group Skype thing or something...


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## Rosaletta

For me, it's harder to talk with people online than offline, actually. I get more anxiety from it. I feel that I need a very good reason to contact people first, and even if I have, it's a struggle to send the first message. And I'll usually feel shaky, warm and dizzy throughout the whole conversation, more than in real life. 

I think the reason why online chatting makes me afraid, is because I don't know anything about the other person, and they don't know anything about me. Therefore I don't feel I'll be able to live up to their "expectations" of me. And in real life, I usually start with more subtle hints that I want contact, for instance smiling to them first... and I can't do that online.


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## SilentLyric

i think you need both to have a healthy social life. It's easier online, I agree, but you can't do anything fun together really. It's also hard to know the emotions of the person you are talking to online. But I understand that a lot of people don't have a lot of friends (or any) to talk to in real life, so online socializing isn't totally a bad thing.


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## fumimarie

I prefer in person.. I don't get the same personal feeling and connection as talking to someone irl. 

Esp if he's easy on the eyes.. Hehe.


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## ineverwipe

Online for sure. That or text messaging is the best. In person makes it so much harder.


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## PlayBoy2033

I prefer the real worlds..
I used to prefer online friends , but the real world is better than the virtual world if you talk to people you like....
unfortunately I have only few friends in the real world =[


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## Boring Loser

It's just as hard for me either way.


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## noiseyy

The only time I've ever made online friends was when I played MMORPGs. Other than that I don't tend to bond with people online. Just don't feel the need to.


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## Stellarpie

Yea, real life in person relationships are better than online, but I actually have zero anxiety talking to people through text, so I like forums/chatting in online games in text a lot because I find it much easier to have an in depth conversation with strangers, something very impossible in real life, or even like over the phone/skype/voice chat in an online game.


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## Digital Dictator

Online is always easier.

I could never get along with people in my area. To be derided for my own personal opinions and excluded from hangouts for being myself just hurts (emotionally). I want to move out, but I need a job and a license for that.


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## MetroCard

Online. No stuttering! But it's nice to talk offline with other people.


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## Valtron

I prefer real life socialization, just because I feel like they're seeing the real me. I know I can be charming and "fun" online, but I want to be judged by how I am in person.


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## wrongnumber

It's way easier to break the ice with online socialising. Offline socialising feels more wholesome and valid though (if it goes well).


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## rosecolored

It's easier to socialize online, but it isn't fulfilling for me. It's hard for me to feel a connection with people online, so I still feel lonely at the end of the day.


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## bibio32

lisac1919 said:


> OR to somehow have an 'online' party where we all watched the same movie on tv or something and type what we were thinking about it, and all drank beer and ate popcorn at the same time lol or do a group Skype thing or something...


That actually sounds really cool.


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## mattmc

When I was about 14-15 I met a girl online named Kit. Can't even remember where we met. Overtime I became friends with her, her older sister, her best friend, and her best friend's older sister. What are the odds of that? Just crazy.

Now I barely have any online friends. The only one I talk to regularly is probably doing it out of pity. What happened? Why was I so lucky before? Why couldn't that luck have been more evenly spread out in my lifespan?

Seems like I suck at online friendships now. Truly, genuinely, suck at it. I'm too complicated? Pretentious? Depressing? Confusing? Likely all of the above. 

Part of me doesn't want online friends though. As much as I love my online friends there was almost always doubt and insecurity going on in my head. The constant waiting for them to respond. Days where they seemed less interested in talking than I was. To make matters worse, friends my age would have jobs, boyfriends / girlfriends, children, and lists of accomplishments. The gap between me and normal people keeps getting bigger.


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## InvisiblePoet

Online for me, although I do crave actual company, its just way easier to be me online. I have some great friends I have made online, who are inways more there for me then the physical ones close to me. My best friend he I met on a chat site, he reached out to me and helped me through the hardest time of my life and was the ONLY one their for me through that time. He is from Ireland, and is just a great friend, I can tell him anything.


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## slider

online ftw 

im 95% less cool in real life

(i can vouch this)


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## CreamCheese

I agree with you 100%. I have made many friendships online and have even met some of these people in real life, but otherwise, being online all day feels like a real drag and unhealthy. I love getting up and going to places that are stimulating-like talks at universities, concerts, etc. where there are people and real life interactions. This is something I especially like about when I'm in a big city. I live in a small town and have no friends in the vicinity and it gets very boring very quickly. I even feel like my family gets bored b/c oftentimes they will sit on the computer all day just like me and sometimes even fall asleep in the middle of the day. I think social anxiety extends to my entire family, so we aren't even home a lot of times b/c it gets lonely, we drive up anywhere between 2-4hours to my aunts' places to be around family. Online relationships are great to curb some loneliness, but there is nothing greater than real life friendships and interactions.


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## visualkeirockstar

Online


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## minuette

I don't care which I am more successful at - nothing beats warm, 3D bodies to keep you company


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## VinBZ

Hmm. Talking to people online can be easier because I feel I don't have to be as serious, and of course there isn't really a risk of rejection. I think it's also easier to miscommunicate though.


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## CookieCrumble

I am making alot of friends online so that is obviously easier and I can be myself and say whatever is on my mind. At the same time it feels like something is missing, just being around someone or actually see, hear or hug them. I prefer real life, because it makes me feel less lonely, even though it's uncomfy. I just wanna hear a laughter or actually see someone's facial expression. Just too bad I can't be myself really much and express myself how I want to IRL.


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## londonguy202

Easier to make friends online than ever thanks to social networking. I am more easy to talking to women online than in person. I am also a never smoked tobacco or used ECigs and never drank alcohol due to being born early so Im not with the mainstream people as most women smoke,drink and use ecigs.


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## londonguy202

regi88 said:


> I am making alot of friends online so that is obviously easier and I can be myself and say whatever is on my mind. At the same time it feels like something is missing, just being around someone or actually see, hear or hug them. I prefer real life, because it makes me feel less lonely, even though it's uncomfy. I just wanna hear a laughter or actually see someone's facial expression. Just too bad I can't be myself really much and express myself how I want to IRL.


I know how u feel but i find it easier to talk to most people online or by text. I do miss a hug but there is always video chating.


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## Safebox

I honestly find it just as hard to socialize online as I do in real life. I don't really make friends. Whenever I feel like "talking", I just post my thoughts and move on.


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## licorice

Offline: Hard to make friendships but small talk is abundant.
Online: Everyone wants something.


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