# Constantly afraid of murder



## Disastuh

For as long as I can remember I've been afraid of being kidnapped and murdered, but lately my fear is getting worse and interfering with my life more and more. I stay up late each night listening intently for footsteps or sounds of breaking and entering, until I become exhausted and fall asleep. If I'm alone that night I usually take a kind of weapon to bed with me, like a knife or a hammer. If I hear anything suspicious, I have to get up to investigate, which usually involves checking closets, looking under things, peering out the windows, checking that locks are all locked, and then returning to bed to listen for about an hour. I even act this way throughout the day when I'm here by myself. I have a few escape plans in the event something happens, and I run through them daily. But sometimes I think about what it would be like if I couldn't escape...if I was kidnapped and hidden away in someone's basement where I'm tortured, terrified and miserable until I finally die of one thing or another. When I dwell on this thought, I cry and sometimes have a panic attack. 

This fear is really so pervasive that I hate to go anywhere on my own, and will spend most of my time in the house (where I continue to worry constantly about intruders). I feel unsafe in houses, but a bit safer than I feel out in public without my boyfriend. Even when we are together, I don't like to go on late night walks with him anymore. He listens patiently to me when I tell him about how much this fear is consuming and taking me over, but he clearly wants me to talk to a therapist about it. I've requested some referrals, but I feel like there's very little a person can say to me to quell my fears, because I'm aware of the probability of these kinds of things happening, but the fact that the chance even exists is enough to put me on high alert. 

Does anyone else get this paranoid about this kind of stuff? Any advice? I'm just so on edge all the time  

(Sorry this is so long.)


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## Devdas

I had the same condition when I was a kid. But now, I've convinced myself that I'm not that important for anyone to risk a life sentence.


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## FairleighCalm

When i as a kid i was terrified of this exact same thing. Thanks Truman Capote! You may need some counseling.g to leave this fear behind. There always books tho!


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## successful

Yeah it's probably best you talk to a therapist about your fears. It would probably help some.

Personally I've never been afraid murderers and never will be. Most likely went to school with or been around 1-2 people who been in some ****. But Most people get murdered for a reason so if you never did Anything horrible to anyone Its probably not worth worrying about. I'm more paranoid about the unknown ~plays x-files music~


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## Bacon

See a Pychiatrist or Therapist man it helps alot. A Therapist would be better. pychs just usually listen to you and give you meds.


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## noyadefleur

I used to be so terrible with this when I was a bit younger, maybe from the time I was 10-13 years old. I would lay in bed and just cry or not be able to sleep because I was so terrified something would happen to me or my parents. I had nightmares a lot, and I would always assume the worst. If my mom was late getting home from work, I'd figure she got in a car crash or something similar, it was really bad. I don't really know how I got over it, but now I'm just extremely paranoid in general, so I guess I'm not completely.


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## Disastuh

Well, it's comforting to hear from others. I imagine many experience these feelings at some point in their lives, but I've been like this from a young age and continue to be this way with things only getting worse. I'll see a therapist soon, but I'm still waiting on my referrals. I'd love to speak to a psychologist, but I can't afford that, so it's psychiatrists and gp psychotherapists for me. I figure I'll get the best treatment from someone I'm paying to see, however.

I'd love to hear from others _currently_ going through this...


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## spidercentz

We all get murdered someday.


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## jenkydora

yeah, how?


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## Kennnie

By Death


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## jenkydora

Death is inevitable but hardly murder.


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## OpiodArmor

My brother has this. He constantly checks the doors and windows like 3 times each night in fear someone is going to break in and chop him up.

Don't get it. The way I see it is why would anyone even bother murdering me? What makes me so special?


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## UltraShy

I can certainly relate to feelings of constant fear and being on edge, though for me intruders & killers are something I never really give any thought to.

I lock doors as it's only prudent and very easy. Sure isn't going to stop anybody determined to get in, but might make a lazy burglar go look for an open door on a different house.

Despite the very negative stereotype many have of NRA members, I don't sleep with a gun under my pillow just waiting for somebody to "make my day." I do keep a loaded .38 within a couple feet of where I sleep. I don't seriously expect to need it. If I seriously expected to need a gun, I'd want more firepower than that provides.


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## ForgetMeForever

Disastuh, I'm sorry you are going through this.

Sounds like the social anxiety has combined with a bit of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Can you afford to have one of those professional security systems installed? The one's that are monitored? Even if you can't afford that, you can try calling your local police department and asking if they can come and advise you on the security problems at your house. You know, like if your window locks aren't secure enough etc.


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## Jessie203

I had huge fears of this last year had to call the cops on this dude who was bothering me walking to work.
Carry a whistle, some hairspray or pepperspray, and be good at running.
I should probably take some martial arts classes.
I suppose everybody is at risk to die any minute though.
If you do you're best it's all you can really do. <3


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## Scorpius

Hey Disastuh..how you been.. 
Sorry to hear about this..I've never had those kinds of fears but I've had my share of other fears..

You should def. try to get some professional help but first of all you should be aware that what you're dealing with are imaginary irrational fears which means that dwelling on them to find a solution is not the way to deal with them..that can only reinforce your fears..you have to deal with the thoughts themselves..what i'm trying to say is whenever you start having these imaginary fears you should try not to dwell on them to find solutions because this is where the problem is...the more you dwell on them to find solutions the more the fears grow..the solution to these problems can't be found in something exterior like taking a weapon to the bed with you or having an escape plan, installing a security system, etc because they are just imaginary fears..they are not real..just an illusion

You live in canada and if i'm not mistaken Toronto is a fairly safe city compared to many other places..so just be aware of that but I know it doesn't really matter what someone says about how safe you are because your fears are subconscious and you can't control them...It def. has to do with some childhood incidents or fears that grew over the years...so a psychologist or a professional should typically help you to release those fears because that's where the problem is..

But even a psychologist might not be able to help that much (it depends) because you have to do most of the work yourself..it's something internal..it's about dealing with your own thoughts which you are the only one who can do that...so my advice to you is to give meditation a serious consideration (like actually taking classes) because I'm pretty sure it can really help with those kinds of issues...and try to practice to be more present..watch your mind and whenever those fears arise or triggered by something (sounds or whatever) don't dwell on them by creating scenarios in your mind..this is where you have to pay attention..as soon as the fear arise just watch it and acknowledge it but try to resist acting upon it...assure yourself that everything is fine and try not to focus on it..just let the fear come and go..don't dwell..another thing that will help you is practicing detachment..the more detached you are the less fears you will have to deal with

Also if you watch horror type movies you should probably just stop as they do nothing but pollute your subconscious with fears...you might be subconsciously interested in these types of movies without knowing that the only reason you are interested in them is because they are reinforcing your fears and beliefs.. 

Anyways, I also do have something useful for you if you're interested


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## scaredygal

I had a similar problem about 6 years ago. Do you live alone? I did at the time and I was frequently paranoid that I had forgotten to lock the door and someone had entered my apartment. Almost every time I took a shower I would become scared that someone had broken in while I was showering and was hiding in my apartment waiting for me to come out. I would often find weapons like a knife or hammer and search my apartment obsessively. 

I also had a tiny bedroom with no real windows and became increasingly paranoid that my apartment would catch fire during the night and I'd be unable to escape. It got sobad that I gave up sleeping in my bed and made the couch my permanent bed for over a year. 

For me it went away after I moved in with a roommate. Now I'm married and live in a safer area and I don't have those fears anymore.

I hope this will pass for you too. I understand how terrifying it is.


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## Nightwing

I had a similar problem for awhile. I would get scared at night thinking that someone could break in and kill me. But my mom told me something one day that helped me get over my problem: "Anything can happen to you at any time. You can't sit in in fear wondering if and when it's going to happen or you won't be able to live. Just pray to God to keep you safe and live your life." I don't know if you're religious, but prayer can definitely help. Also, know that the chances of getting murdered are low. "The homicide rate in Canada peaked in 1975 at 3.03 per 100,000 and has dropped since then." You can also do things to make yourself feel more secure such as carrying pepper spray,taking self-defense classes, or keeping something you can use as a weapon by your bed at night.


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## ilsr

I don't quite understand why young women would be afraid of murder. I would assume young women would be more afraid of being raped. If threatened to be murdered, it would be more likely from a jealous boyfriend.

We are still far from the dark ages, when women were more often than not raped if not under protection. Today serial rapists/murderers kill the victim to attempt to hide their crime although DNA evidence is becoming a better deterrent. 

Yes we have some drunken crazies who want to play caveman tribal mob mentality like those who jumped the guy at Dodger Stadium. We have more gangs now, with 25 million unemployed and underemployed frustrated cretins could resort more to violence. 

As for an SA male, I'm more afraid of social humiliation. I'm not as a afraid of dying from a physical confrontation, rather humiliation, like being sucker tackled from a bully or having my neck crack from a full nelson hold until I cried out cowardly for the bully to stop which even though it happened 20 years ago, damaged me pyschologically like a rape. I continue to learn countermoves and build up my strength to break the bully's arm and smash his face in if it ever happened again. But no I'm not afraid of someone just out right to kill me because I am nice and leave people alone. it's bullies who I'm afraid of that want to hound me whenever they see me because of my SA aura. I'm more afraid of having to stand up for myself and suffer continual retaliation. As a SA guy, I have no sense of identity as I've always been used as fodder and never given a chance in any peer group or situation. That's how totem society works. Always dung bottom , people can sense it and will never respect you. I can only try to prepare physically with defensive measures from being robbed, physically bullied, (like kicked, shoved, which has happened to me) with counter attacks. As for women without a protector, maybe carry mace or a taser.

Sure there may come a time in the future when our rotten political system and the public society surrenders and succumbs to fascist/socialist tyranny due to segmented public selfishness and "special interests" and lack of true caring of the national and global situation ( no need for joining PAC's or groups, just implore everyone to vote the scums out of office), or revolution resulting in anarchy back to the dark ages, when people killed or raped for food and resources. But it's not that time now.


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## Owl Eyes

I feel this way too but it's not as bad as it used to be. I remember lying in bed when I was little and thinking, "someone's in the house... i'm going to die tonight." I get these thoughts still sometimes but not as much. I try to be the first person in my house to sleep which helps me feel a little safer. It sucks because I have a cat that likes to enter and leave the room throughout the night so i can't shut & lock my door.


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## farfegnugen

Maybe something to do with OCD.I am no expert. I can remember being afraid as a child of being pulled underneath my bed by something.

You seem to be intelligent enough to realize that the probability of you being murdered is relatively low, even if you live in a war torn city with criminal elements like Baghdad. You are much more likely to be killed in a car accident or in a home fire then to be violently murdered. So in reality, your fears are probably placing you at higher risk. The only way I know to get beyond it is to use logic and face your fears each time until the fear doesn't dominate your thoughts.


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## bloodswordfire1473

might be a past-life thing?


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## sarafinanickelbocker

Yes, I am a paranoid person. I constantly feel watched and I used to get really scared if I heard a noise in the house and would get very quiet and just listen. When I lived with my sister, I put something just inside my door, so if someone came in with malicious intent it would make a loud noise. I'm much better now then I was about five years ago. For some reason, it helps me to live on the 2nd floor. ??? I also think of the ways in which I'm going to injure the assailant and get away. I once posted a thread on here about self-defense and I think the very best advise I was given was to work on running. Not only is it an escape method, but it will incrase those endorphins (I say this a lot) which reduces stress. Anyway, because it consumes you so much you MIGHT try a therapist. See if they have any good tips for you. I'm sorry you feel that way. Fear is the worst.


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## Kennnie

If
This
Is
Still
Botherings
You
Get
A
Gun.


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## Noca

Kennnie said:


> If
> This
> Is
> Still
> Botherings
> You
> Get
> A
> Gun.


you must be an American no?


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## Walchilly

*I feel ya!*

I am unfortunately just like you. I have had an irrational fear of being murdered since as long as I can remember. I am now a married 25 yr old, and I am still waking up at night from murder nightmares, small noises, and pretty much anything else. I lock all doors and windows, we have dogs, we have weapons, we live in an incredibly safe area, but I cant shake the feeling that I will someday die by murder. I can tolerate being alone during the daytime (by tolerate i mean im still listening intently for any unusual noises) but at nighttime its impossoble. Ive only had to sleep alone three times since being married, and all three times I stayed up ALL night with EVERY light in the house on. I have very realistic nightmares that wake me up, and keep me up the rest of the night. I fall asleep looking at my front door, and I have even been known to wake up screaming when I hear a noise while im sleeping. I, like you, am at my wits end. But I guess it is good to know Im not the only crazy acting like this!!


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## newbornmind

The answer to overcoming any irrational fear lies in communicating with your own subconscious mind. That's where the problem lies. Without affecting the subconscious, which has somehow made this irrational decision that you are under threat of murder, then you won't heal.

So I suggest you start researching and learning ways in which you can alter your subconscious obsession.

The following have been said to work at the subconscious level:

EFT
Hypnotherapy
NLP (someforms)
Timeline Therapy
Affirmations in combination with Brain Entrainment (similar affect to hypnosis)

So the best you can do is start researching this stuff.

Also, it would greatly help you to learn mindfulness, and practice mindfulness meditation once per day.

Good luck to you, and best wishes on your recovery!

Nick

__________________
My friend Sebastiaan's weird method that helped him overcome his own 10 yr + Social Anxiety Disorder WATCH HIS VIDEO


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## asdkjh

*Ghost?*

Hi, i often have felt like this, when i was younger i used to sit in a room by myself at night, and feel like someone was watching me, i used to get terrors, and run through the house to where other people were, to feel safe. I had no idea at the time why i felt this terror, but have come to the conclusion that it was someone from the other side watching me.....

Have you seen the film "Lady in the Water"- where there is a Narf stalking the heroine-? that really :ideamade the hairs stand up on my neck. I believe that some of these spirits can make you afraid-

I wonder what it is making you afraid-?

I've tried to come to resolution that it's better to be happy, and enjoy your time, even when all by yourself. A dog is a good friend.


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## bazinga

Could this possibly be OCD? fear of death and bodily harm.


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## NarutoUzumaki

Disastuh said:


> For as long as I can remember I've been afraid of being kidnapped and murdered, but lately my fear is getting worse and interfering with my life more and more. I stay up late each night listening intently for footsteps or sounds of breaking and entering, until I become exhausted and fall asleep. If I'm alone that night I usually take a kind of weapon to bed with me, like a knife or a hammer. If I hear anything suspicious, I have to get up to investigate, which usually involves checking closets, looking under things, peering out the windows, checking that locks are all locked, and then returning to bed to listen for about an hour. I even act this way throughout the day when I'm here by myself. I have a few escape plans in the event something happens, and I run through them daily. But sometimes I think about what it would be like if I couldn't escape...if I was kidnapped and hidden away in someone's basement where I'm tortured, terrified and miserable until I finally die of one thing or another. When I dwell on this thought, I cry and sometimes have a panic attack.
> 
> This fear is really so pervasive that I hate to go anywhere on my own, and will spend most of my time in the house (where I continue to worry constantly about intruders). I feel unsafe in houses, but a bit safer than I feel out in public without my boyfriend. Even when we are together, I don't like to go on late night walks with him anymore. He listens patiently to me when I tell him about how much this fear is consuming and taking me over, but he clearly wants me to talk to a therapist about it. I've requested some referrals, but I feel like there's very little a person can say to me to quell my fears, because I'm aware of the probability of these kinds of things happening, but the fact that the chance even exists is enough to put me on high alert.
> 
> Does anyone else get this paranoid about this kind of stuff? Any advice? I'm just so on edge all the time
> 
> (Sorry this is so long.)


Well I have a fear almost the same as yours I fear that these people are going to kill me and jump me because they think I'm in a gang or something I'm afraid that its going to be when I'm at school or when I'm driving with my parents. I always look around to see if cars are following us I also look out the window to see if theirs some people talking loud. The worst part about it is that I've had some experiences where i was threatened and I live in a bad neighborhood. sometimes I don't even want to go to school It's an overwhelming panic.


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## inerameia

I have the same paranoid thoughts of being physically harmed by people. I think it could be because of the anxiety we get from being around people since the amygdala is the primal part of the brain that alerts us of danger. Paranoid thoughts like that are a sort of unconscious creation of our social anxiety.


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## NoHeart

When I was little I was deathly afraid of crocodiles and lions and often had nightmares about them, I'd lie in my bed and worry a lion or crocodile would enter my room and eat me.

Whenever there was a circus in town I was so scared because I thought the lion might escape and come into my house and murder me...

It was so bad that I got a high bed just to feel safer.

Ofcourse that was when I was really young... though nowadays I still worry about burglars and psychopaths, I feel really anxious walking past some people and often expect them to jump on me as soon as I've passed them...

I'm ****ing paranoid...


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## Mercerism

*Worked For Me*

I recently gave myself a severe case of intruder anxiety, for a short time. I'm not a professional therapist, but I found a way to overcome it. If you don't want to read about my experience, skip down to 'THE ADVICE'.

I was on a work placement abroad, where I didn't speak the language. Living on my own, in a small studio-apartment-bungalow. One day when I didn't have work, I was watching Youtube videos in the morning, in my apartment. Relatively carefree, no worries, just killing time. I watched one particularly dark video (no age rating, no warning), which contained some disturbing content. This must have triggered some psychological condition in me, because when I eventually closed my browser, to go and do other things, this video left a lasting impression on me and I found that I could barely move for nervous anxiety.

I started to question my own situation. Alone, in a foreign country, living in a small bungalow in a dark corner of a couryard. No immediate neighbours, no dog, no alarm. I felt vulnerable. Part of my mind even became afraid of supernatural occurences. I should mention here that I'm male, I was age twenty-nine, six feet tall, able bodied, with no history of mental illness. Anyway, I thought this anxiety would fade away fairly quickly, but as the day went on it stuck with me. When night came around I was in a pretty sorry state: constantly looking over my shoulder; couldn't remove my attention from the door of the apartment in case someone crept in while I did; could barely sleep; had to keep the radio on around the clock for company; and washing myself was a pretty terrifying affair because of the vulnerability involved.

This went on for probably a week and a half at its worst. Being a man I didn't feel that I could tell my few friends out there about this. I came close to telling my best friend a few times, before I made myself better. I searched and searched but I couldn't find any useful advice online. One day I heard something about overcoming phobias (within step 2), and decided to apply it to my situation (adding step 1)...

*THE ADVICE:* This consists of two simple steps:
*1.* This step is kind of in two parts. When you enter your home and lock the door behind yourself, *a)* check any hiding places in your home for intruders. Be thorough, don't kid yourself. Be brave, remember rationally that there won't be anyone there. *b)* Now that you know your home is clear, go around and lock all the doors and windows. They should already be locked, but you need to check, just to persuade your irrational mind that they are, as with part a.
*2.* Go back to the entrance point of your home, namely, the main door, which is now closed and locked securely. Turn your back to the door. Count to ten. Once again, you're showing your irrational mind, through calm and measured behaviour, that it is wrong in its fears.

And that's it. I practiced these steps for a week and gradually I got better.

The next day, when I practiced step 2 I counted to twenty. Ater a few days, when I was feeling much better, but there was still some lingering anxiety, I laid face down on the floor, with the door behind me, and counted to twenty. It's a matter of controlling one's circumstances, then making one's self vulnerable, to physically and mentally prove to the paranoid part of one's brain that it's wrong. You gave the intruder the best advantage to get the better of you and noone showed up.

If this seems too mild for you, or you still have substantial anxiety after a week or so, you could try repeating the process in the middle of the night, or try step 2 in the daytime with the door open.

I realise that this advice probably works best for cicumstances like mine, where the subject lives in a studio-type home, but I'm sure the principles can be applied to other circumstances. We don't need to sleep with a gun under our pillow in order to feel safe, IMHO.

Thanks for reading. I hope this advice helps someone out there, in at least some small way.


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## Maslow

That's textbook neurosis. Paxil (paroxetine) has been shown to be effective in managing neurosis -- so effective, it's available in dog strength for fear of thunder and other noises. 

I was prescribed paroxetine a long time ago for SAD. It didn't help my SAD, but it did help my neurosis. It suppresses the irrational fears that were keeping me up at night.


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## panda7

Since I have OCD, I do have these intrusive thoughts of someone murdering or kidnapping me, except it happens more while I'm walking in public streets and places than at my own house (I live in a pretty safe neighborhood). Every time I walk past a person where there's barely anyone else around, my thoughts would be like, "You better watch the **** out! This person looks innocent, but he/she could all of a sudden pull out a weapon and kill me!"


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