# Sexual Partners: Do you want to know the number?



## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

Do you want to know the number of partners your BF/GF has had sex with?


Explain


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

No.


----------



## AlchemyFire (Mar 4, 2013)

Yes, because it sort of tells me about who they are as a person. If he's been with more than 20 people then I'm most likely just going to be another throw away and he'll move on quickly. If he's been with very few then that probably means he'd be more dedicated in a relationship.


----------



## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I would not believe him anway.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No, I get too jealous. I don't want to hear any of his sex stories either which number talk inevitably leads to. I don't want to know if his exes were good or bad in bed.

I shared a bit with one of my exes and that was a bad idea. I told him about this one guy's beautiful penis and he told me about how one of his exes always wanted sex while the other ex rarely did and she also claimed to never masturbate. I had another bf tell me about how his ex had a weirdly angled vagina, so it would fall out in certain positions and not in others. Sort of the opposite of the norm.... TMI!!!

Knowing how many they have slept with really doesn't tell you much. If you want to know if they are going to stick around, look at how they treat you, how much time are they willing to spend on you, how interested they are in the details of your life, etc. And just general sliminess.


----------



## Mousey9 (Dec 27, 2012)

Rule of three


----------



## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Yes. So I can compare it to my lousy 0/1 high score.


----------



## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

Not really. I just want to know if he has any STDs or not.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

No, because I don't think it's telling of who they are and it seems to just create an opening for judgments.


----------



## RadioactivePotato (Jan 6, 2013)

No, I'd just feel jealous.


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Wouldn't matter, as long as they lie and tell me how terrible they were in bed.


----------



## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

I don't like anybody dredging up my past without my permission. So I like to think I am less inclined to concern myself about her history as much as possible.... Unless I caught something..


----------



## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Personally, I don't care. I'm in no position to judge anybody. 

If she's experienced and had many many sexual partners, then she can show me the ropes if you will. If she had little to no experience, then we can learn naughty things together.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Yes, I think it's important to be completely open in a serious relationship. In turn I would be open about how many sexual partners I've had.


----------



## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Knowledge is always good.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Not really. I will only want to hear if they had sex or not...I don't really care about the number.


----------



## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Yes, just because I want to know as much as possible about someone I like.


----------



## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

I definitely would want to know. May be hard to hear, but I would be torturing myself over not knowing. Plus I feel like if I'm in a relationship with someone I should know them enough to know something like that.


----------



## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I would want to know. I wouldn't want any secrets between us. It's not exactly an easy subject to bring up though.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I would want to know mainly based on the reason that I would like to think we could be open about anything in the relationship and not because the amount of partners they have had would somehow affect my relationship with them.


----------



## Chieve (Oct 9, 2012)

yeah but more for pranking reasons.

i would text them, because my bfs last two bfs were complete jerks and only used him

those relatioships didnt last for more than 2 weeks


----------



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

It doesn't really concern me. I think the only issue people might have is compatibility, I feel like a very experienced person just isn't compatible with someone with little or no experience.


----------



## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

No, I'd end up feeling jealous. Best not to know and I wouldn't really want to admit my inexperience either.


----------



## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

I'm not concerned with the number, but I might be concerned about their ability to be faithful or hold a relationship together in the past.


----------



## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

I said no because...I just wouldn't think to ask that, haha. I would wanna know health information but that's all I need to know from their past with sex. Otherwise, whatever else they tell me is gonna be stuff the volunteer to tell me or whatever comes up naturally. I don't really care about the number.


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

It would be nice to know just in the interest of honesty and laying everything on the table from the get go but I don't really expect anyone to be comfortable with that. I wouldn't object to it and I wouldn't think less of them if they had a lot. I would likely insist on STD testing for both of us if sex was going to be involved though.


----------



## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

no. yes. no. yes. no. yes. no. yes. no. yes. no. yes.

yes? 

no plz dont tell me.

okay do tell me.

no. no. i dont judge you. it doesnt matter to me.

its in the past. 

_back of your mind: things will never be the same.._


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I would be more bothered about knowing that he had been with someone he loved deeply for 10 years, before me, than if he'd ****ed 100 random women he felt nothing for.


----------



## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

probably offline said:


> I would be more bothered about knowing that he had been with someone he loved deeply for 10 years, before me, than if he'd ****ed 100 random women he felt nothing for.


I might be put off trying to measure up to that. I suppose time would allow many people to move on enough to have a brand new relationship, but enough people wind up stuck on ones they've had for a few years or even a few months.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

probably offline said:


> I would be more bothered about knowing that he had been with someone he loved deeply for 10 years, before me, than if he'd ****ed 100 random women he felt nothing for.


Yeah, that makes me feel weird too. Same with divorced guys. And so many guys after something like that ends are obviously not interested in getting into another serious relationship. I was chatting with one guy from a dating site and he said a year ago he ended a 10 year relationship.....OMG. The longest relationship I ever had was 3 years. He also told me another shocking thing....I don't think I can handle all that.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Raeden said:


> Knowledge is always good.


Knowledge is limited.
(7)(xTimes)*(Number of partners)=approx. number of sexual partners. Source. (American Pie Film)


----------



## Natey (Sep 16, 2011)

Anything more than 2 and I wont even think about it.


----------



## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

3 or 30 or 300... if this is a magical universe where I know we're committed to each other then the number doesn't matter. Honesty does.


----------



## Ender (Aug 5, 2012)

No, I don't know how many partners my wife had before me. I'm open if she wanted to talk about it but the "number" question never came up. I assume she slept with her first husband, but who knows maybe that's why they got divorced.


----------



## Parsnip (Sep 5, 2013)

I... don't care?

I'd prefer them to be honest about whether they take care of their sexual health (outside of making sure a condom is on...) but as for the number of partners they've had I'm really not bothered. If they want to discuss it, brilliant, I'm glad they're comfortable enough to be open about it. If they don't then I'll respect the fact they want to keep all previous sexual activity in the past.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Yes, I definitely want to know. I'm nosey. It's kind of a turn on to know he's experienced (ok, it is a turn on).


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

BF/GF?


----------



## Anxietyriddled (Jan 5, 2013)

Of course, it can help you understand where they are coming from a great deal. If a woman has slept with 50 plus guys, I would be kinda shocked, and would question her ability to commit or to control her urges.

If a guy slept with tons of women, you wouldn't be curious at all about how that happened? What if he is a sociopath womanizer who used and abused them to get what he wanted? 

I don't think any one should be judged on how often or how many people they have sex. But I think every one should try to see if a man had lots of partners, did he do so in a honest decent way? I dunno, im virgin....thats kinda disturbing tho. Some women don't mind being ****ed rough and thrown out like a used tissue i guess.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Mercurochrome said:


> BF/GF?


Yes. Girlfriend. not Girl-Friend. I wish I had both. :O)


----------



## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

Yes I do.


----------



## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

If it comes up, it comes up. My bf knows I wasn't a virgin when we hooked up, but doesn't want numbers, that's about how I feel about it too.


----------



## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

Not particularly. I guess I'd want to talk about it if I suspected it was something crazy like 100 and they were used to having someone new every week. Otherwise I don't see how the number affects anything about our relationship.


----------



## Nomad64 (Jan 21, 2014)

If you don't know the number then you are holding back secrts from your bf/gf. That's not a healthy relationship nship.


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Used to Hear about a few past memories but no actual numbers but then I'd never give actual numbers either I leave a few off and a few I forgot about but it doesn't matter so long as they and me are clean .


----------



## Mochyn (Jan 6, 2014)

I don't care, it's just something to talk about, funny stories, horror stories etc. It wouldn't change how I felt about that person, as long as the number wasn't increasing while we were together!


----------



## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

Details? No.
Number? Yes.


----------



## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

I'd want a ball park figure possibly. But id be more interested in how long ago it was the last had sex with someone else. The rest is the past, really. I cant judge nobody haha


----------



## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

Yes, but it does not matter how many. I know that is strange, but really it does not bother me in the least. I just like to compare :lol


----------



## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

I would want to know.


----------



## equiiaddict (Jun 27, 2006)

I like and appreciate honesty. If I'm going to be honest with him, I also want him to be honest with me.


----------



## MichaelLaD (Aug 9, 2014)

Yes

Research has show that the more partners a woman has the less faithful she will be. Furthermore, the risk of STIs from people with too many partners is not acceptable.


----------



## fobia (Feb 19, 2010)

> Do you want to know the number of partners your BF/GF has had sex with?


Yes.

1) The number shows a lot about the person. The age of the person plus the number of partners she/he had can give you some information about the character of the person.
Plus whether these relationships were serious or not.

2) I think I like to torture myself emotionally with this knowledge. Like being jealous to previous life of your partner.


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Yeah. It's good to be honest. I mean, employers check your work history to see how dependable you are and you don't commit your life to them. It only makes sense to discuss that history when you commit yourself to someone. You may end up like, sharing a home, car, kids, etc. You wanna know what kind of person they are and sexual history is an important indicator.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I actually really dislike that this is a number we apparently have to carry around like a millstone round the neck the rest of our lives. How is something I did at 20 still going to be relevant at 40? I honestly can't imagine I'm even going to remember some people at that point. Not because of any numerousness but because years pass and names fade when you don't see people any more.

Nobody's going to sit there and say "Now tell me _exactly _how many jobs you've _ever_ had, including that one sole shift of waitressing you did when you were 17." You give a general employment overview on your CV and only include what's relevant. "What's the exact number of foriegn countries you've visited? If you really trust me you'd say." So why is sex any different? I can't think of any other number in life we hang on to and immortalise. Why do we haunt ourselves with the ghosts of dickmas past? Of course I can understand wanting to get an idea of someone's general sexual habits, but I don't understand why it has to be so exact as "Well, since I was sixteen the number has reached 11.5, depending on what you're counting".

Serious question. I'm interested in this. Why does this number seem like a permanent etching in a way that others don't?


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

lisbeth said:


> I actually really dislike that this is a number we apparently have to carry around like a millstone round the neck the rest of our lives. How is something I did at 20 still going to be relevant at 40? I honestly can't imagine I'm even going to remember some people at that point. Not because of any numerousness but because years pass and names fade when you don't see people any more.
> 
> *Nobody's going to sit there and say "Now tell me exactly how many jobs you've ever had, including that one sole shift of waitressing you did when you were 17." You give a general employment overview on your CV and only include what's relevant. "What's the exact number of foriegn countries you've visited? If you really trust me you'd say." *So why is sex any different? I can't think of any other number in life we hang on to and immortalise. Why do we haunt ourselves with the ghosts of dickmas past? Of course I can understand wanting to get an idea of someone's general sexual habits, but I don't understand why it has to be so exact as "Well, since I was sixteen, the number has reached 11.5, depending on what you're counting".
> 
> Serious question. I'm interested in this. Why does this number seem like a permanent etching in a way that others don't?


These are things I actually _would_ want to know about my partner (and do know) though. :lol Maybe I'm just weird/overly curious but I really like knowing as much about them as possible. Not because I'm suspicious or anything, it's just interesting to know everything about them that they're willing to share, their number of sexual partners included.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Of course I need her digits. (312)


----------



## fobia (Feb 19, 2010)

> Serious question. I'm interested in this. Why does this number seem like a permanent etching in a way that others don't?


I don't think we are talking about precise number here

It is more like how many relationships( at least significant) did someone had ?

It would bother me if a person would tell me "Errmm...I don't remember."



> How is something I did at 20 still going to be relevant at 40?


I think that at 40 it would matter what kind and how many significant relationships you had, not how many sex occasions you had.

This talk about number does not come out on the first or second date. It come naturally to the surface when relationships evolve into something serious.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

As long as there's no STDs I don't care.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

mezzoforte said:


> These are things I actually _would_ want to know about my partner (and do know) though. :lol Maybe I'm just weird/overly curious but I really like knowing as much about them as possible. Not because I'm suspicious or anything, it's just interesting to know everything about them that they're willing to share, their number of sexual partners included.


The thing is, I would already have to sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and figure out how many places I've done any kind of work at and which order it happened in, and I'm 20 and don't have a very full employment history. I don't keep that number right at the top of my head. I struggle with forms because I can't remember how many GCSEs I have unless I dig out the certificates and count. I don't have a terrible memory, it's just that that stuff isn't relevant to my life any more so I don't think about it and it gets mixed up.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

A woman who graduated my high school (my bro's class of '96) got her phd and "invented" an app to track the number of sexual partners yourself or perspective mates have. Seemed laughable when I read the article and I'm still laughing.


----------



## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

No. And I don't wanna hear him talk about what he did with other girls. Ever.


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

@lisbeth

For men it is a tally of success. For women it is a tally of shame. Traditionally anyway.

One of my exes had slept with 30 guys. She also told me that she had had a threesome 'but not the kind you are thinking of'. I did wonder at that point if I should have asked in the first place. It didn't bother me going forward though.


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> I actually really dislike that this is a number we apparently have to carry around like a millstone round the neck the rest of our lives. How is something I did at 20 still going to be relevant at 40? I honestly can't imagine I'm even going to remember some people at that point. Not because of any numerousness but because years pass and names fade when you don't see people any more.
> 
> Nobody's going to sit there and say "Now tell me _exactly _how many jobs you've _ever_ had, including that one sole shift of waitressing you did when you were 17." You give a general employment overview on your CV and only include what's relevant. "What's the exact number of foriegn countries you've visited? If you really trust me you'd say." So why is sex any different? I can't think of any other number in life we hang on to and immortalise. Why do we haunt ourselves with the ghosts of dickmas past? Of course I can understand wanting to get an idea of someone's general sexual habits, but I don't understand why it has to be so exact as "Well, since I was sixteen the number has reached 11.5, depending on what you're counting".
> 
> Serious question. I'm interested in this. Why does this number seem like a permanent etching in a way that others don't?


I meant in a general sense too. I mean, I'm not gonna sit there and demand a list of dates and names and activities. But I want a general sense of whether he's visited hookers for 9 years, has a one-night-stand every wednesday, never had sex because he's a fundamentalist etc. It matters because sex is such a prominent thing in our culture and people's behaviors and the way they talk about it tells you a lot about them. Some guys with bad-mouth previous sexual partners. Or you'll see a trend in their relationships. Like if someone has 9 "serious" relationships in 5 years, that's an important sign that they fall quick and hard but may not be ltr material. Or if they have only had a string of one night stands and they're 30. I think all of this is important when figuring out who this person is and where they are in life. It helps you find someone you're compatible with.


----------



## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

As long as she did not have some std i would not care


----------



## bancho1993 (Aug 28, 2014)

Honestly I've never been bothered about peoples numbers in general. As long as she respects my number I won't judge her either

I guess it's something I would not mind talking about a few months into the relationship .However it would be more to get a understanding of what she likes and dislikes


----------



## BeautifulSilence (Nov 18, 2014)

I'd definitely wanna know. I'm nosy like that and it's interesting to hear about past relationships and experiences. I don't really see why you wouldn't want to discuss your past with your partner.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

diamondheart89 said:


> I meant in a general sense too. I mean, I'm not gonna sit there and demand a list of dates and names and activities. But I want a general sense of whether he's visited hookers for 9 years, has a one-night-stand every wednesday, never had sex because he's a fundamentalist etc. It matters because sex is such a prominent thing in our culture and people's behaviors and the way they talk about it tells you a lot about them. Some guys with bad-mouth previous sexual partners. Or you'll see a trend in their relationships. Like if someone has 9 "serious" relationships in 5 years, that's an important sign that they fall quick and hard but may not be ltr material. Or if they have only had a string of one night stands and they're 30. I think all of this is important when figuring out who this person is and where they are in life. It helps you find someone you're compatible with.


Yeah, that all makes sense, and it's obvious why that stuff matters. I was more talking about the idea of a 'number' specifically, because out of context a number doesn't even really tell you anything. The kind of information you're talking about is a lot more meaningful than any digit.


----------



## bancho1993 (Aug 28, 2014)

lisbeth said:


> I was more talking about the idea of a 'number' specifically, because out of context a number doesn't even really tell you anything. The kind of information you're talking about is a lot more meaningful than any digit.


Yeah I agree with this I would hope my partner would not judge me solely on my number. As you say it really does not say a huge amount about the person themselves.


----------



## RayOfLight123 (Dec 4, 2009)

.


----------



## bancho1993 (Aug 28, 2014)

BeautifulSilence said:


> I'd definitely wanna know. I'm nosy like that and it's interesting to hear about past relationships and experiences. I don't really see why you wouldn't want to discuss your past with your partner.


I think for me and a lot of other people who lack experience it can be hard to discuss these things. For me it's a fear of being judged and it being held against me. Of course if I trusted the person I would be more open with them.

Also people can go through tough times and not all their past experiences and relationships were good ones. I think it may be one reason why people don't want to talk about these things.


----------



## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> Yeah, that all makes sense, and it's obvious why that stuff matters. I was more talking about the idea of a 'number' specifically, because out of context a number doesn't even really tell you anything. The kind of information you're talking about is a lot more meaningful than any digit.


The higher the number, the less reliable that person would appear in the context of a relationship. Number of sexual partners before marriage is correlated with likelihood of divorce, if I remember.

For instance, my first *GF was 18* back then, and she had told me she had already slept with *15 guys*. That should have been a huge warning sign. Unsurprisingly, she cheated on me.

A high number seems to turn off many guys, from experience. I wouldn't be surprised if "_Settling with the good innocent girl_" were some sort of common male fantasy.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Nope. I might want to know her sexual experience but not specific details of time in bed with other men.


----------



## BeautifulSilence (Nov 18, 2014)

bancho1993 said:


> I think for me and a lot of other people who lack experience it can be hard to discuss these things. For me it's a fear of being judged and it being held against me. Of course if I trusted the person I would be more open with them.
> 
> Also people can go through tough times and not all their past experiences and relationships were good ones. I think it may be one reason why people don't want to talk about these things.


I guess I wouldn't be in that situation unless I really trusted the person. If they were going to hold a lack of experience against me I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. I personally don't think how much experience you have is important, it certainly wouldn't put me off someone.

I think discussing unpleasant past experiences with your partner, who you love and trust is important. It's understandable not to if you are with someone new and don't trust them yet. I'm quite an open person though and I understand that others may not be as comfortable discussing their past.


----------



## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

It doesn't matter as long as they don't have anything.


----------



## bancho1993 (Aug 28, 2014)

BeautifulSilence said:


> I guess I wouldn't be in that situation unless I really trusted the person. If they were going to hold a lack of experience against me I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. I personally don't think how much experience you have is important, it certainly wouldn't put me off someone.
> 
> I think discussing unpleasant past experiences with your partner, who you love and trust is important. It's understandable not to if you are with someone new and don't trust them yet. I'm quite an open person though and I understand that others may not be as comfortable discussing their past.


Oh yeah don't get me wrong I'm not judging you about being open. I also think it's important to talk about these things within a relationship. In the long run I think it helps the relationship grow. I just wanted to give a reason why someone might not be comfortable talking about their past.

But judging from your reply you seem very understanding so it's all cool.


----------



## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I have a question related to this: what would you think about being asked your number? If you didn't volunteer that information and one day your partner brought it up and asked you directly 'how many?' How do you think you'd react or feel about being asked that? And what if it was pretty early on in the relationship, like shortly after you started having sex together(or before)?


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Why are people so creepy?


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Shameful said:


> I have a question related to this: what would you think about being asked your number? If you didn't volunteer that information and one day your partner brought it up and asked you directly 'how many?' How do you think you'd react or feel about being asked that? And what if it was pretty early on in the relationship, like shortly after you started having sex together(or before)?


Well that information would actually be brought up when I'm getting to know someone, before we start dating.

But speaking hypothetically, I would just answer it and ask about their number/past relationships. Maybe ask why they decided to ask all of a sudden, but I wouldn't feel offended or afraid to answer.


----------



## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

Yes. I don't want to know specific details, but I'm only going to sleep with someone who I feel I know well and care about. Knowing her past sexual experience would be important to me in getting to know her and her past, and I'd be just as willing to tell her mine as well.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

EternallyRestless said:


> It doesn't really concern me. I think the only issue people might have is compatibility, I feel like a very experienced person just isn't compatible with someone with little or no experience.


This is how I feel as well.


----------



## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Nah I'd probably get to jealous


----------



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I'm a virgin so I would prefer a virgin. But I can't hold someone's past mistakes against them. Honesty is very important in a relationship.


----------



## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

Two years ago I might have answered yes as if I do care about the number of people they've been with. Nowadays I just don't care at all about their numbers.


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Do people even know their number? Kind of hard unless you kept track of it. Is there a number of bangs spreadsheet?


----------



## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

way to feel like piece of ****


----------

