# Signed up to okcupid



## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Just "took the plunge" and signed up ... thought there's no point sitting around forever waiting for something to happen ... got to put myself out there a bit. I'm not gonna lie - I don't really like the idea of dating sites - they make me a bit uncomfortable ... everyone seems so outgoing on them ... but maybe this is a step in the right direction. I'm going to edit my profile in a few days probably ... cos I want to think about what to put. I literally have no idea what I should write in a couple of sections ... like what I'm doing with my life ... don't wanna tell the truth and say that I'm not really doing much ... but don't wanna lie either. Some careful wording is needed I think.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

You don't need to tell your life story in your profile. In fact, I say absolutely nothing about myself in my profile and I still get a fair amount of attention. Basically I just tell a sweet and funny story about how I'm sick of being a james bond type and i want to strip down all of the heroics and meet someone real and special. It's all tongue in cheek and cute and I also have the advantage of remaining mysterious. Don't overthink it...don't give too much detail. Also, instead of talking about how you are, describe something that demonstrates your attributes. For example, anyone can say they are smart, but it's better to say you went to MIT and studied physics.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Yeah there is definitely a balance ... I've seen a few like "omg feel so stupid doing this lol" and I just think ... prat ... don't know why. I know how they feel but if you're gonna make a profile don't scream about how uncomfortable you are doing it ... well that's just my opinion. I will keep it considered but not over-think.


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## dominicwalli (May 12, 2011)

guys,i suggest u watch the movie roger dodger-_- and start reading james bond books,that helped me lmao,the movies scks compared to the books of mister bond.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

rymo said:


> You don't need to tell your life story in your profile. In fact, I say absolutely nothing about myself in my profile and I still get a fair amount of attention. Basically I just tell a sweet and funny story about how I'm sick of being a james bond type and i want to strip down all of the heroics and meet someone real and special. It's all tongue in cheek and cute and I also have the advantage of remaining mysterious. Don't overthink it...don't give too much detail. Also, instead of talking about how you are, describe something that demonstrates your attributes. For example, anyone can say they are smart, but it's better to say you went to MIT and studied physics.


The funny thing is girls can go ahead and be honest in their profiles and they can get tons of inboxes anyway. :lol.

Men are waaaaaay more desperate than chicks on online dating sites. I created a fake female profile once of this hot chick as a sociological experiment. And it amazes me how much men would eat out of her hand (bi girls were even asking to hook up with her) and not only that but they were immensely intimidated by her and insecure. If I was a woman, I would be very turned off by men kissing my *** and putting their balls in my purse. As a guy who isn't that bad looking (I've been told that I'm a cute guy. lol), there were girls before who came on real strong with me. And it wasn't that much of a turn off because it doesn't happen to often. But if I had plenty of girls eating out of my hand, then yes it would be a turn off.

Funny thing is, I noticed that when I role-played as a chick (lol), she was very masculine in personality despite looking like a pretty girl. More cocky, assertive, blunt, a sharper tongue, a "take it or leave it" attitude, more *****y, more thrill-seeking, more fun, more experimental, more honest and open, etc. She was very androgynous. It revealed a lot about my inner-self. She was like a female Tyler Durden version of me (Tyler Durden basically represents this repressed part of the Fight Club protagonist's personality). lol. When I am in a position of power, that is what I'm _really_ like. My true self. This meek, socially anxious me who tries to appease other people is not the real me. A lot of people make the mistake of tying their SA to their personality. Pretend to be a hot chick online and see what you do when you have that kind of power over people. That will reveal who you really are. lol.

I think I'm starting to give less of a **** about appeasing girls. I was talking to this girl on POF and she barely put any effort in communicating with me. So after her last message, I stopped replying to her. I'm tired of jumping through hoops with girls who don't put in the effort and whom I don't even feel like talking to (I would do that in the past because I wanted to "get laid").


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

phoenixwright said:


> The funny thing is girls can go ahead and be honest in their profiles and they can get tons of inboxes anyway. :lol.
> 
> Men are waaaaaay more desperate than chicks on online dating sites. I created a fake female profile once of this hot chick as a sociological experiment. And it amazes me how much men would eat out of her hand (bi girls were even asking to hook up with her) and not only that but they were immensely intimidated by her and insecure. If I was a woman, I would be very turned off by men kissing my *** and putting their balls in my purse. As a guy who isn't that bad looking (I've been told that I'm a cute guy. lol), there were girls before who came on real strong with me. And it wasn't that much of a turn off because it doesn't happen to often. But if I had plenty of girls eating out of my hand, then yes it would be a turn off.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately that's just how life is. The key is being able to jump through those hoops without actually jumping through hoops. What I mean is, getting girls interested in you without feeling like it's a hassle. Being charming without effort. That's a hard thing to do...but practice helps.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

rymo said:


> Unfortunately that's just how life is. The key is being able to jump through those hoops without actually jumping through hoops. What I mean is, getting girls interested in you without feeling like it's a hassle. Being charming without effort. That's a hard thing to do...but practice helps.


Yeah. Like with that girl on POF, I just thought "ok you're not putting the effort in talking to me. This is a turn-off. If I want to get laid, $300 can get me an hour with a smoking hot escort." Yes you can't get love from an escort or a stripper. I'm not going to quit looking for love on POF and elsewhere. But a relationship is supposed to be an equal partnership. And if a girl isn't willing to hold her end in conversation, why should I continue talking to her? I only want to date girls who are genuinely interested in me and who I'm genuinely interested in. I don't want to "settle" just to "get laid". Men need to take the power back and stop being so desperate. Have some standards. The problem is that it's not just about "getting laid". It's about "getting laid" to seek validation and social status. That's what this is all about and this is what is weakening men and making them into desperate fools. Don't settle for crap. If people wonder why you don't have a girlfriend or you haven't hooked up with a girl, just be honest. Tell them you haven't found the right one for you. It's the truth.

People shouldn't feel pressured to live their life for other people. I'd much rather visit a hot escort or get a lap dance from a hot stripper than be a desperate needy fool chasing after girls who aren't even really attractive or interesting just to "get laid" to impress people. I used to be one of those people who frowned upon the idea of paying for play. Until I had a hot strippers' boobs shoved in my face... Yeah that was much more fun than desperately wasting time with girls on POF who don't seem to particularly care about you much. So yeah it kinda was a liberating feeling when I didn't reply to that girl. If more guys had that attitude, the less women would be bombarded with e-mails on those sites, the less online dating would suck for men in general.


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## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

Just have fun with your profile. Relationships are about finding someone you enjoy being around. So be enjoyable and it will all turn out aight.


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

I recently signed up too, It's not going to go anywhere since I'm not going to message anyone, and no one is certainly not going to message me.


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## Propaganda (Oct 26, 2010)

My profile is a mixture of sillyness and seriousness... which is just like who I am in real life.

Keep it short, no one wants to read a novel, esp when their phone is going off, their email is dinging, and their dog is licking their feet. It's a smash and grab operation. If you don't achieve your objective in the first few seconds it's unlikely you will get past the shards of glass in your skin.


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## LeftyFretz (Feb 12, 2011)

my buddy gets a lot of attention on it. just be whitty and make it seem like you don't give a crap on your profile. i'll ask him if i can post an example of his profile on here. he gets 2-3 numbers a week on it.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

phoenixwright said:


> The funny thing is girls can go ahead and be honest in their profiles and they can get tons of inboxes anyway. :lol.
> 
> Men are waaaaaay more desperate than chicks on online dating sites. I created a fake female profile once of this hot chick as a sociological experiment. And it amazes me how much men would eat out of her hand (bi girls were even asking to hook up with her) and not only that but they were immensely intimidated by her and insecure. If I was a woman, I would be very turned off by men kissing my *** and putting their balls in my purse. As a guy who isn't that bad looking (I've been told that I'm a cute guy. lol), there were girls before who came on real strong with me. And it wasn't that much of a turn off because it doesn't happen to often. But if I had plenty of girls eating out of my hand, then yes it would be a turn off.


You should try making a profile of an average looking chick and an ugly one and do a comparison.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> You should try making a profile of an average looking chick and an ugly one and do a comparison.


They will get inboxed too. Just not as much. Lots of guys on there are just looking to get laid and are desperate.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> But if you filter out all the "you're cute" and spammish "hi, how are you?" messages, you are not left with that many messages. And I wouldn't call guys only looking to get laid desperate. Desperate guys are the ones that are looking for a relationship and can't find one (and probably haven't gotten laid in many months/years) even though they don't have high standards.


I wouldn't be surprised if that was your experience. The guys on OKCupid and POF have such bad social skills. My fake female profile got bombarded with so many messages. But I was forced to contact guys that I (or rather "she". LOL) actually wanted to talk to because she was attracting so much garbage. I don't know how girls can just stand there and wait for a guy to talk to her. That's gotta brutal for you girls. :lol. It's easier to just go after what you want.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Strange thing to ask but do you think I should put that I'm a virgin on my profile? Some people consider it a turn on ... I'm also not sure whether to tick the box that says "I'm looking for ... casual sex" because although that would be nice I feel like it could make me sound desperate ... maybe save it for later if I get talking to someone?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Weird Fishes:1059612558 said:


> Strange thing to ask but do you think I should put that I'm a virgin on my profile? Some people consider it a turn on ... I'm also not sure whether to tick the box that says "I'm looking for ... casual sex" because although that would be nice I feel like it could make me sound desperate ... maybe save it for later if I get talking to someone?


NO and NO.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Weird Fishes said:


> Strange thing to ask but do you think I should put that I'm a virgin on my profile? Some people consider it a turn on ... I'm also not sure whether to tick the box that says "I'm looking for ... casual sex" because although that would be nice I feel like it could make me sound desperate ... maybe save it for later if I get talking to someone?


You may want to save it for later and not click on the casual encounters box. The women may think you in the same boat like the majority of the guys on the dating sites, just in it to get laid. Most women on dating sites aren't just looking for hookups. Some are, but they're tough to find.


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## feverfew (Jan 11, 2012)

Congrats for putting yourself out there! :clap It is a big step in the right direction! 

I got some a couple of phone numbers from some girls on okcupid once. Nothing else really happened though. I only used it for like a month anyway...

Don't check the casual encounters box. Alot of girls put on their profile that they won't respond to anybody in it for that. The guys who do generally look to be creepers anyway.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

feverfew said:


> Don't check the casual encounters box. Alot of girls put on their profile that they won't respond to anybody in it for that. The guys who do generally look to be creepers anyway.


I had set up a fake female profile on OKCupid and there are plenty of cute guys that have "interested in... casual sex" in their profile who were interested in sexing my creation :lol. It's not just creepers. Though just because a guy is good looking doesn't mean he can't be a creeper...

I don't have interested in... casual sex in my profile because I figure this is going to turn a lot of women off. But there is a part of me that thinks that I am selling out by doing this. At the end of the day I want to be with someone that accepts me for me. I don't want to date a woman who is judgmental (automatically assuming that a guy is a creeper because he is open to casual sex) or a prude. I actually told the truth on the "if you really like the person, how many dates until sex?" (I put 1-2 dates). Because let's be ****ing honest. If I'm going to be using OkCupid's match system to pair me up with girls, I might as well tell the truth when I answer the questions so that OkCupid can match me with a girl who is on the same wavelength as me.

Also there are girls who are open to casual sex on OkCupid that don't advertise this on their profile. My fake female got propositioned by 2 girls who didn't have casual sex on their profile (hahaha don't you just love that? I never get propositioned by girls out of the blue. But then I create a fake female account with a pic of a sexy chick and she gets offers like that! lol). And one of those girls sent me hardcore pics of her performing oral sex on a guy. So girls aren't completely upfront either. If they were, they would get bombarded by creepers even more than they already are.

Maybe I'm just an idealist. I've seen Rymo basically state before that you should leave things out or even lie on your profile to gain interest from girls. I'm not saying that I don't do that to some extent. But I don't feel that we should. It smells of desperation. Men are so desperate to get laid that we are encouraged to lie about ourselves to get in a woman's pants. We can't admit that we would like to have casual sex if the opportunity arises. We can't admit that we'd tap that on the first date. I'm kinda ****ing tired of living my life for other people's approval. Women don't have to lie. They can just be honest and guys are so desperate anyway that they will contact those girls anyway. There is a girl out there that would accept me for me. I don't know why I have to lie about myself. I wouldn't want anything more than sex from a girl that wouldn't accept me for me. I don't want to be with someone that makes me unhappy or makes me feel like I can't be myself.


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## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

komorikun said:


> But if you filter out all the "you're cute" and spammish "hi, how are you?" messages, you are not left with that many messages. And *I wouldn't call guys only looking to get laid desperate. Desperate guys are the ones that are looking for a relationship and can't find one (and probably haven't gotten laid in many months/years) even though they don't have high standards.*


So... Me then?

**** :|


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

Weird Fishes said:


> Strange thing to ask but do you think I should put that I'm a virgin on my profile?


no. If they are paying attention, they'll see that you selected "under one year" for length of longest relationships.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Could I maybe get some feedback on this ... ? My profile name is Wide_Eyed_Bear ... should I change things on there? Not sure if you can view it without being a member so I can put it here if it can't be viewed ... the whole thing is still unfinished and I'm going to put a picture up soon ... when I can find one I'm happy with.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Need to be a member to see it so just put it here. Also definitely get some pics up..it's almost impossible to get any action on there without a pic.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

My self-summary:

_Hey ... well my name is James and I live in a small town ... that's pretty much what I'm used to. I like living in the country where things are a bit more peaceful. I enjoy going for walks and generally going places ... when I'm at home I like drawing, reading and writing, listening to music and watching films._

_I'm very much a thinker, and I'm caring and understanding and a good listener too._

_My personality is such that I feel I get on better with people who have similar values to myself - I think honesty is important and so are moral values. Having a big ego is a turn off ... each to their own but it's just not me and I can't really relate too well. I think there's more to life than how many friends you've got, and how much money you make ... really ... _

What I'm doing with my life:

_Currently taking a bit of a break ... giving life some thought._

I'm really good at:

_Well ... I make people laugh and I've been told I'm pretty good at drawing. When I was small I used to draw pictures all the time and I would constantly doodle through school. I write poetry and pros, and sometimes short stories ... I like descriptive writing and creating imagery through words._

The first things people usually notice about me:

_I'm not sure ... maybe my smile? I've been told it's nice. _

Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food:

_I won't go into much detail here ... but I'd be happy to be more specific if you want to know more. I like books about history and non-fiction, and I'm into short stories too. I'm pretty open to all sorts of films ... when it comes to tv shows I mostly like comedy, cartoons and documentaries. I can rarely find anything good on the main channels. I like a variety of music ... mostly rock, and post-rock but nothing too heavy. I'm a bit of a fussy eater to be honest, but I like spicy food and more traditional English dishes too._

The six things I could never do without:

_In no particular order: freedom of speech, thinking space, my sanity, honesty, a sense of humour and good friends._

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

_Life and the world._

On a typical friday night I am:

_Usually with my friends or sometimes with family. I like to drink every now and then but I'm not really into clubbing or getting completely smashed every weekend. I respect people's differences but I would personally rather spend my weekend doing something a bit more ... meaningful?_

The most private thing I'm willing to admit:

_I can be sort of shy and self-conscious sometimes._

That's basically it ... I'm an honest person but there is no way I can do this without it feeling just a little bit fake like I'm trying to sell myself. Which I suppose I is exactly what I'm doing.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I know you're honest and you feel like you're trying to sell yourself, but you didn't really try to sell yourself at all. You talk about how you place little value on money, you aren't really doing anything right now, and you are shy and self-conscious. You did mention some good things like doing more meaningful things on the weekends and how you are good at making people laugh, but overall you come off just as you admit: shy and bashful. When I first started trying the online thing I was shy too, but since I knew girls liked confidence I tried to project that attribute in my profile and eventually I adapted to become more confident in real life. 

I know you are very hung up on honesty, but I consider myself to be the most honest and open person I know in my life and I had no problem keeping myself from spilling my guts about how shy I was and instead making it seem like I was more interesting than I was. Because guess what...now I am interesting. I didn't accept that I was shy and boring and I am better off now because of it.

Try to focus on the positives. Project confidence in your profile. Talk about how your life is amazing but you're just looking for someone to share all the great moments with. Say you're sick of having meaningless sex with thousands of women and now you're looking for that special someone (just kidding). Honestly though, try to come off as three things in your profile: sweet, confident, fun/funny. And again, instead of simply stating "I am good at making people laugh", talk about how all your friends think you are a riot or how your knock knock jokes always kill (specifics are more interesting than generalities, and you can be specific while still not revealing too much - just keep things concise).


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback. With the statement about there being more to life than friends and money, I meant that like this: I'm not caught up in working all week, just so I can go out and get ****-drunk on the weekend. I'm hoping, somewhere out there, someone will be looking for a person who's a bit different like me. Confidence is important to a lot of people, and I tried to strike some sort of balance in my profile, but if I project myself as something I'm not, I don't think it'll take long before they work me out. Better to get fewer replies ... from people who may be interested in who I genuinely am? But I've taken what you said on-board ... I plan to contact others but I want to make my profile so I'm happy with it before that.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Weird Fishes:1059621019 said:


> Thanks for the feedback. With the statement about there being more to life than friends and money, I meant that like this: I'm not caught up in working all week, just so I can go out and get ****-drunk on the weekend. I'm hoping, somewhere out there, someone will be looking for a person who's a bit different like me. Confidence is important to a lot of people, and I tried to strike some sort of balance in my profile, but if I project myself as something I'm not, i don't think it'll take long before they work me out. Better to get fewer replies ... from people who may be interested in who I genuinely am? I plan to contact others but I want to make my profile so I'm happy with it before that.


I just added some more to my previous post but let me also say this: MAN It would be great if instead of coming off so bashful you put what you just said to me in your profile: "I'm not caught up in working all week, just so I can go out and get ****-drunk on the weekend. I'm hoping, somewhere out there, someone will be looking for a person who's a bit different like me."

Wow..you come off like someone who knows what he wants while still remaining true to himself and has a pair. That's what I'm talking about.

Btw please don't get hung up on getting a low number of replies from girls who may be genuinely interested...because your profile is just the first step. Messaging these girls (then texting..phone..meeting..etc.) is where you will really shine. Not to mention, you will 95% of the time have to message first. Having a great opening message, a good profile and great pics will all increase the chances that person responds, but how can either of you reaaally get to know each other unless you continue to talk? Just focus on the ffirst step, getting that initial interest from as many girls as possible..then you can weed out the bad apples...I'm.sure you're smart enough to be able to distinguish between.who you're interested in and who you're not.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

I know what you're saying and I agree ... but ... I don't want to come across like a d*ck you know? I actually have more of a back-bone after my last "relationship" where I got messed around so much and yeah I should show it but not over-do it.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

rymo said:


> I know you're honest and you feel like you're trying to sell yourself, but you didn't really try to sell yourself at all. You talk about how you place little value on money, you aren't really doing anything right now, and you are shy and self-conscious. You did mention some good things like doing more meaningful things on the weekends and how you are good at making people laugh, but overall you come off just as you admit: shy and bashful. When I first started trying the online thing I was shy too, but since I knew girls liked confidence I tried to project that attribute in my profile and eventually I adapted to become more confident in real life.


Not all girls require a guy to be confident. My ex-girlfriend found out I was shy by the time we met in-person. But by that point, it didn't matter to her. But confidence can only increase your chances of success. So as long as you don't drift into cocky territory. Being shy is not the real me though and a lot of people with SA make the mistake of thinking that is the real them. After my ex held my hand and smiled at me to give me the go ahead to kiss her, I was not shy with her. I find that it's harder for me to get anywhere with girls who aren't as assertive as my ex. But it could just be that those girls weren't interested in the first place (and of course that realization just hurts my self-esteem. But I don't know. I get the impression that lots of girls in their twenties, especially mid-late 20s, are looking for something very specific. It's no where close to enough if a guy is cute, nice, funny and holds his own weight in conversation. They want something very specific because they feel that they know what they want by that point. And it seems like if a girl is interested in casual hook-ups, she'll probably only go for the top 20% of the male population. Rather than hook up with an average Joe. Because even the so-called "alpha" guys will sleep with girls who are "average" or who aren't even that desirable. Unless she's obese or menopausal or something.



> I know you are very hung up on honesty, but I consider myself to be the most honest and open person I know in my life and I had no problem keeping myself from spilling my guts about how shy I was and instead making it seem like I was more interesting than I was. Because guess what...now I am interesting. I didn't accept that I was shy and boring and I am better off now because of it.


How did you become more interesting though? You can't play yourself up to be more interesting and then not take steps to make yourself more interesting.



> Try to focus on the positives. Project confidence in your profile. Talk about how your life is amazing but you're just looking for someone to share all the great moments with. Say you're sick of having meaningless sex with thousands of women and now you're looking for that special someone (just kidding). Honestly though, try to come off as three things in your profile: sweet, confident, fun/funny. And again, instead of simply stating "I am good at making people laugh", talk about how all your friends think you are a riot or how your knock knock jokes always kill (specifics are more interesting than generalities, and you can be specific while still not revealing too much - just keep things concise).


What if your life isn't amazing? My job is boring as ****. But I have financial responsibilities that I need to take care of. I can't just quit my job and do something more interesting. I already invested a great deal into my field (getting a degree) only to find out that it's not something that I'm really passionate about once I got into the thick of things and experienced the day-to-day first-hand. Talking about my job to girls is something that I'm very self-conscious about. Because it sounds boring to me and it certainly sounds boring to them. The truth though is that most people have jobs that they don't like. It's the nature of the beast. Not everyone can have a job that excites them. Society needs people who will do the undesirable jobs. There is potential to make good money in my career and it requires an education so it's not like it's a menial job. But there's nothing about it that excites me. And plenty of my senior co-workers in more advanced positions within my field hate their job too.

There are side projects that I want to do. Like write a novel. But the novel I want to write is SA-themed and written from the first-person (you write about what you know. Writing this novel is a passion of mine that I want to live out). Most girls would probably think I have a lot of problems and runaway if they read the novel I wanted to write. But I'd like to think that there is a future long-term girlfriend/wife out there who wouldn't judge and would accept me for me. I can't just not live out a passion that I have just to appease other people.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I always say that if your job sucks there's nothing wrong with telling a girl that but also explaining that you have plans to turn things around. Listen..I'm not saying you can't be 100% honest and be successful with women, but if your life sucks and you tell people that, you aren't exactly improving your odds, you know what I mean? We're talking about getting yourself out there...meeting people...dating...most people don't find the girl of their dreams in one shot..so it's better to just not spill your guts about every bad thing in your life and instead try to highlight the good things. You aren't lying to anyone, you're just not talking about the stuff they don't necessarily want to hear (right off the bat anyway). So many people around here are so hung up on honesty but guess what? There's a difference between being honest, and vomiting out every negative detail of your life to girls who don't even necessarily care. A girl will care about your problems AFTER she becomes interested in you and your charm and all that. If you need to talk about the important life things like career.and they're negative, just try to put a positive spin on it. Example: my job sucks because I am very isolated and don't get to interact with a lot of people, but I am working hard to finish there and find a new job that suits my need for social interaction (yes this is my actual situation). Am I completely intimidated by a lot of social interaction at work? Sure, but it's something I still strive for because I want to better myself in that area. Talking about how shy I am in my profile is pointless because I strive for more AND it doesn't attract most women. If, on the other hand, you are perfectly content being shy (or some other negative attribute) and want to wait and wait for that perfect woman who just looooves that instead of getting yourself out there and trying to date as much as possible, more power to you.


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## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

I took the plunge as well and tried to sincerely message around and be upfront and honest in my profile cause well, that's how i am! 
Nothing so far, and despite knowing it might take some time it still gets me down a bit.

I can't even get to the 'Getting to know eachother better' stage. I mean when I compliment someone im being really honest about it, and that's my way of showing interest in them. Its like wow, you really blew me out of the water with your eyes, but whats the lady like inside? (thats not how i word it ...by the way heh.) Usually at that point i just get no responses anymore and get ignored  it seems to be kinda par for the course for me.
As cliche and as much of a slick move this seems like I kinda like ladies on here better than those on Okcupid. However the above still applies  I dunno I just suck at talking to women when im interested.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

brownzerg said:


> I took the plunge as well and tried to sincerely message around and be upfront and honest in my profile cause well, that's how i am!
> Nothing so far, and despite knowing it might take some time it still gets me down a bit.
> 
> I can't even get to the 'Getting to know eachother better' stage. I mean when I compliment someone im being really honest about it, and that's my way of showing interest in them. Its like wow, you really blew me out of the water with your eyes, but whats the lady like inside? (thats not how i word it ...by the way heh.) Usually at that point i just get no responses anymore and get ignored  it seems to be kinda par for the course for me.
> As cliche and as much of a slick move this seems like I kinda like ladies on here better than those on Okcupid. However the above still applies  I dunno I just suck at talking to women when im interested.


Try not to be so heavy handed with the compliments right away and go for more flirtatious quips instead. I met my current gf on POF, and her profile said something about looking for a nice handsome country boy with a truck. I am neither a country boy nor do I own a truck, but I messaged her anyway. I said something like: "I find it highly insulting how biased you are against extremely intelligent and handsome non-******* types who don't own a truck ". She messaged me back pretty quickly and I got her number within an hour. I'm not saying it was all due to the messages I sent her, but I tried to apply this mentality in all of them..a bit of humor, a bit of ballbusting, every once in a while throwing in a compliment. Cocky in a nice and obviously joking around way. Flirting.


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## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

rymo said:


> Try not to be so heavy handed with the compliments right away and go for more flirtatious quips instead. I met my current gf on POF, and her profile said something about looking for a nice handsome country boy with a truck. I am neither a country boy nor do I own a truck, but I messaged her anyway. I said something like: "I find it highly insulting how biased you are against extremely intelligent and handsome non-******* types who don't own a truck ". She messaged me back pretty quickly and I got her number within an hour. I'm not saying it was all due to the messages I sent her, but I tried to apply this mentality in all of them..a bit of humor, a bit of ballbusting, every once in a while throwing in a compliment. Cocky in a nice and obviously joking around way. Flirting.


Hmmmm

this is good stuff man, thankyou. I'll give it a shot!


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

rymo said:


> You talk about how you place little value on money


Can I ask what's so wrong with him saying that? He's talking about his values and he's saying money doesn't control his life. I'm a woman and I feel the same way, I don't need guys to buy me gifts to show me how much they care about me. But I guess I've always been different from most girls, I guess. I agree with you that the OP came across as having little confidence. (Sorry, WF - see my next paragraph)

WF, one thing I noticed was the part where you said you aren't going to go into much detail and talk about the specific music, movies, books you like...change that answer right now and elaborate. It's a safe aspect of yourself you can share with the world. I won't contact guys who are vague about what they like, ("I like going out on the weekends, beach, TV, movies") my eyes glaze over immediately and I move on. I write down very specific things I like, anything random at all. It shows off your personality, play that up. For instance, in my profile I list one of my interests as letters and fonts. Sounds nerdy & random, but I'm a graphic designer and I like those things. And I get a lot of messages from guys wanting to know more about that. ("that's so hot....:teeth) You see what I mean? Good luck  It's really hard isn't it, you're gutsy to ask for advice on this stuff.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

senrab:1059622200 said:


> rymo said:
> 
> 
> > You talk about how you place little value on money
> ...


Absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever...girls just like a guy with ambition.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Every time someone posts about OKC on here, I want a profile link so I can compare test results and match percentages.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

rdrr said:


> Look at all the people who post about online dating failures. If there were a "blueprint" or a sure method that works for everyone, not just yourself, then I'd agree with your advices. But just because one person has success or does something a certain way, they always give advice as its is the only way. Everyone is on differing levels. Being realistic is best, more so than fibbing and bs'ing your way through. Not everyone has the same strengths and weaknesses as far as online dating is concerned.


Highlighting your strengths is not fibbing. And of course one specific way doesn't work perfectly for everyone. But what is advice if not knowledge passed on from someone who has had success with something? I mean what are you even talking about? What are people supposed to say: "You can do it the way that has worked for me, or you can do it your way, which isn't working!" Anyone can take anything they read here with a grain of salt. The point is to take what others say and try to form your own strategies based on advice and your own experience.

It's funny how you say one way doesn't work for everyone, and then you go ahead and tell everyone what the best way is. :blank


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

pita said:


> Every time someone posts about OKC on here, I want a profile link so I can compare test results and match percentages.


I can PM you a link to my profile if you want. I'm not posting a link in this thread though. lol. It's really hard for someone to have a high match percentage with me. The highest I've seen within 100 km from my location is like 88-89%.



rymo said:


> Absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever...girls just like a guy with ambition.


Girls don't all think the same and they aren't all looking for the same thing. Also you can have all the ambition that you want. But the fact of life is that somebody has to do the ****ty jobs. And people with ****ty, unfulfilling jobs still get action. My senior male co-workers hate their jobs and they have wives (wait married men get action? Nevermind. lol jk)


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

phoenixwright:1059622968 said:


> pita said:
> 
> 
> > Every time someone posts about OKC on here, I want a profile link so I can compare test results and match percentages.
> ...


You're right..but again we're just talking about improving your chances in general on an online dating site. If you have plans on writing a novel for example, talking about that in a positive and exciting way (instead of talking about how much your current job sucks) can be pretty impressive to a girl. We're talking about the profile here, after a date or two pretty much anything goes...but we want to attract girls initially, not push them away. Though if you do have a ****ty job and you must talk about it in your profile, at least be passionate about it...take some pride.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

senrab said:


> WF, one thing I noticed was the part where you said you aren't going to go into much detail and talk about the specific music, movies, books you like...change that answer right now and elaborate. It's a safe aspect of yourself you can share with the world. I won't contact guys who are vague about what they like, ("I like going out on the weekends, beach, TV, movies") my eyes glaze over immediately and I move on. I write down very specific things I like, anything random at all. It shows off your personality, play that up. For instance, in my profile I list one of my interests as letters and fonts. Sounds nerdy & random, but I'm a graphic designer and I like those things. And I get a lot of messages from guys wanting to know more about that. ("that's so hot....:teeth) You see what I mean? Good luck  It's really hard isn't it, you're gutsy to ask for advice on this stuff.


Yeah I've never done any of this before so it's a bit of a learning curve I suppose. Thanks for your feedback.


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## 17Racer (Jan 30, 2012)

I've been a member on OKCupid for a while now, and have not had good experiences. I haven't traded messages with many people, and therefore have had no dates materialize. Whenever I initiate contact with someone, they either don't respond at all, or they only reply a few times and then stop cold with no explanation. I also haven't found many people I like on there, but some might say that's because I'm too picky, but I have certain standards, and I'm not going to lower them. Some people do have success finding someone on dating sites, but my guess is that a lot of them are the sort of people who can easily get dates in real life as well. Whatever you write in your profile, just be honest. I think it's always the best policy.


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## arandomgirl (Aug 19, 2011)

I kinda want to make an account too, but I REALLY don't want to put my picture on it because I just don't like random people on the internet being able to see my picture, and incase anyone I know comes across it.....do you guys think that it would even be worth doing if I don't include a picture of myself lol


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

arandomgirl said:


> I kinda want to make an account too, but I REALLY don't want to put my picture on it because I just don't like random people on the internet being able to see my picture, and incase anyone I know comes across it.....do you guys think that it would even be worth doing if I don't include a picture of myself lol


You're a girl so you might be able to get away with it. You'll just have to eventually email pictures of yourself to any guy you might be talking to/interested in.

Honestly though, it's not a big deal if someone you know comes across your profile on the site..it's not something to be embarrassed about. Millions and millions of people are doing the online dating thing...it's not some weird taboo anymore.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

arandomgirl said:


> I kinda want to make an account too, but I REALLY don't want to put my picture on it because I just don't like random people on the internet being able to see my picture, and incase anyone I know comes across it.....do you guys think that it would even be worth doing if I don't include a picture of myself lol


I had the same apprehensions as you, but you can't form any sort of attraction without a picture. (and I consider myself to be an average looking girl)


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Well I'm reasonably happy with it now but I might still make a few changes ... that is pretty likely tbh. I nearly sent someone a message earlier but when I saw they hadn't been on there for a couple of months I thought they probably don't use it much. So many profiles on there look promising but then it'll say something like "I'm a party-holic" and I find myself losing interest.


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## feverfew (Jan 11, 2012)

Isn't there a search option for viewing only people on in the last week or something. Usually if they haven't been on in a couple of weeks, then they aren't coming back. 

Just keep messaging. It feels pretty good when you get a message back from somebody! :boogie


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

I will message some people when I find some I like ... I've been doing the questions on there ... God my stats are terrible now - I'm pretty much _less everything_ on there.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

senrab said:


> For instance, in my profile I list one of my interests as letters and fonts. Sounds nerdy & random, but I'm a graphic designer and I like those things.


I'm seeing a designer I met on OKC. We talk about fonts. So yeah, that's useful material to include.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

I've been on okcupid for several months now with no success. I was rejected once again yesterday. I pretty much begged that guy to accept me. He contacted me first. Then, decided that he didn't want to speak to me anymore because I had no sexy pictures on my camera phone to send him. I was honest and told him that I just want to find someone to connect with and get to know. But it didn't work. I just can't get anyone. I'm a stupid *****.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

I want so badly to keep texting that guy over and over again. I want to know why no one wants me. It's only human nature to want someone to like us. Not being desirable to the opposite sex has really lowered my self esteem. It's strange that no one wants me. I can't attract anyone.


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## Vintorez (Sep 29, 2011)

If he wouldn't speak to you because you didn't have sexy pics then I wouldn't bother with a guy like that anyway. Wanting a relationship is much more desirable.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

JupiterStarr said:


> I want so badly to keep texting that guy over and over again. I want to know why no one wants me. It's only human nature to want someone to like us. Not being desirable to the opposite sex has really lowered my self esteem. It's strange that no one wants me. I can't attract anyone.


pics plz


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> pics plz


Why does this matter? No I'm not a knock out but I am slim and in my profile I have pictures of myself wearing makeup and jewelry. After last year's incidence I will never post pictures if myself on a message board.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> pics plz


Plus, looks weren't even mentioned in my previous posts so I don't understand where the whole pictures thing came from. I guess you're trying to be funny. At least I do put myself out there. Words can't express how bad this makes me feel. No point of making fun of me.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

JupiterStarr:1059631250 said:


> rymo said:
> 
> 
> > pics plz
> ...


You sent me a PM but when I tried to respond it said you weren't accepting messages. Oh well.

All I can say is if you can point out exactly how I was making fun of you, maybe I will be more clear on how to respond to that accusation. I'm sure you're very pretty and it's just very interesting how you always complain about not attracting anyone when it sounds more like your attitude is the problem than anything else.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> You sent me a PM but when I tried to respond it said you weren't accepting messages. Oh well.
> 
> All I can say is if you can point out exactly how I was making fun of you, maybe I will be more clear on how to respond to that accusation. I'm sure you're very pretty and it's just very interesting how you always complain about not attracting anyone when it sounds more like your attitude is the problem than anything else.


Disagree. In real life I laugh and smile a lot. I act pleasant. I'm so agreeable i'm pretty much a doormat. I've spent money on guys just to still be ignored. I don't know too many women that would do that. I know many women that have bad attitudes and are in relationships. How did the get in their relationships then?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

JupiterStarr:1059631294 said:


> Disagree. In real life I laugh and smile a lot. I act pleasant. I'm so agreeable i'm pretty much a doormat. I've spent money on guys just to still be ignored. I don't know too many women that would do that. I know many women that have bad attitudes and are in relationships. How did the get in their relationships then?


I don't know your situation well enough to truly assess why you can't get into a relationship. But my advice would be to stop worrying about everyone else and just focus on yourself. Focus on your positive attributes and work on your negative ones. Stop acting like a relationship is some impossible dream and instead think critically and logically about what is wrong with your approach and try to overcome it. You have a very "woe is me" attitude, which a lot of people on here have, admittedly...but you seem to take it to the extreme. Always the victim and always in misery but never really taking a look at yourself and thinking, "this is what I can do today to make things better." When I say pics plz, I'm half kidding, but I am also genuinely curious about what you look like because I am curious about your situation.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Advisory****
Okay, someone needs to chill :lol.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> I don't know your situation well enough to truly assess why you can't get into a relationship. But my advice would be to stop worrying about everyone else and just focus on yourself. Focus on your positive attributes and work on your negative ones. Stop acting like a relationship is some impossible dream and instead think critically and logically about what is wrong with your approach and try to overcome it. You have a very "woe is me" attitude, which a lot of people on here have, admittedly...but you seem to take it to the extreme. Always the victim and always in misery but never really taking a look at yourself and thinking, "this is what I can do today to make things better." When I say pics plz, I'm half kidding, but I am also genuinely curious about what you look like because I am curious about your situation.


I do look at myself and tend to blame myself for everything. This past year I was told that my appearance was a problem by A LOT of people on another website. So in response to that I started wearing makeup, desssing differently, and got a new hair style. I work out most days of the week too and have toned up a lot. Despite doing all this, I still haven't found anyone. I go out and live my life like anyone else. I sometimes spend hours at the gym plus I work too. I cook, clean, and go out and do all of my shopping by myself. I've definitely tried to improve things. You make assumptions but don't know my situation at all.

All of those people that told me last year that I'd never get anyone are right so far.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> * Always the victim and always in misery but never really taking a look at yourself and thinking, "this is what I can do today to make things better."* When I say pics plz, I'm half kidding, but I am also genuinely curious about what you look like because I am curious about your situation.


You don't know me at all. I try to do something productive everyday even if it's just running four miles, reading a book, cleaning up, or making a healthy dinner. I've changed a lot this past year and none of this has helped me attract a partner. Wearing make up and dresses aren't my thing but I've even done this in an attempt to get someone.

Those people last year really ruined me with their words. There is no way in hell I'll ever post my pictures on the Internet again. I'm damaged enough.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

JupiterStarr:1059631346 said:


> I do look at myself and tend to blame myself for everything. This past year I was told that my appearance was a problem by A LOT of people on another website. So in response to that I started wearing makeup, desssing differently, and got a new hair style. I work out most days of the week too and have toned up a lot. Despite doing all this, I still haven't found anyone. I go out and live my life like anyone else. I sometimes spend hours at the gym plus I work too. I cook, clean, and go out and do all of my shopping by myself. I've definitely tried to improve things. You make assumptions but don't know my situation at all.
> 
> All of those people that told me last year that I'd never get anyone are right so far.


Glad to hear it. I can only make assumptions based on the threads I've seen from you. Like I said though, I really don't know enough about your real life to know for sure. It sounds like you've improved yourself a lot, though.

I just don't get two things: why you are so afraid to post pictures (I don't need to see a pic of you, as I said I was kind of joking..but I am curious), and why do you let anonymous internet people affect you so much? They don't know anything about you so their opinion really shouldn't affect you so deeply. One more thing...just because you haven't found a relationship YET doesn't mean those people are right. You will find love eventually.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

rymo said:


> Glad to hear it. I can only make assumptions based on the threads I've seen from you. Like I said though, I really don't know enough about your real life to know for sure. It sounds like you've improved yourself a lot, though.
> *
> I just don't get two things: why you are so afraid to post pictures (I don't need to see a pic of you, as I said I was kind of joking..but I am curious), and why do you let anonymous internet people affect you so much? They don't know anything about you so their opinion really shouldn't affect you so deeply.* One more thing...just because you haven't found a relationship YET doesn't mean those people are right. You will find love eventually.


Growing up I was made fun of because of my looks a lot so I grew up feeling ashamed of myself. Last year after taking therapy I no longer felt ashamed of my looks and thought I was just as good as anyone else. For the first time I was at peace with my looks so I saw no big deal in posting my picture on a website---this website is a close knit community where many form friendships and even meet up in real life. Well, it back fired. I was called all types of names due to my appearance. I was kind if shocked because my therapist and psychiatrist had convinced me that I was okay like anyone else. I thought I was as good as anyone else.

That experience brought back so many old feelings I had while growing up. I spent the summer really hating and cutting myself. I haven't cut since August and want to keep it that way. Once again I feel ashamed about my looks. I'm afraid to post pictures because I'd rather not deal with the bad comments and experience those feelings all over again. The only reason why those people on that website affected me so much is because their words are true; I've been trying for almost a year and it appears as if no one really does want me. I think I'm more upset over the fact that they are right than the fact that they said those things about me. Getting someone would prove to myself that I'm just as good and they aren't right. Everytime I'm rejected by someone, like yesterday for example, I am reminded of what they said.

Later today I plan on calling another guy from okcupid that gave me his number. I hope he doesn't reject me either and just want sex. I don't know how normal women do it. This guy that I plan in calling later did tell me that he doesn't have a job, but I'm so sick of no one wanting me that I'm willing to accept anyone that genuinely wants a relationship with me.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

JupiterStarr:1059631407 said:


> rymo said:
> 
> 
> > Glad to hear it. I can only make assumptions based on the threads I've seen from you. Like I said though, I really don't know enough about your real life to know for sure. It sounds like you've improved yourself a lot, though.
> ...


Well you're doing what you need to do. I commend you for continuing to put yourself out there and seek love despite all of your hardships. Let me just say that people on the internet will always be super critical ..you could be Adriana Lima and some people would still find something to bash you about looks-wise. If you are even average looking these internet idiots will bash the hell out of you. I seriously think you're probably actually pretty but you just have this persistently negative perception of your looks because of how you were treated when you were a child.

Personally I think if you did post your picture here, it would be a major breakthrough and would signify that you truly are confident in your appearance and you don't care what others think. Also most people on this board are not unfairly critical and will be warm and honest with you. Obviously doing something like that would take some time to build up to because it is so seriously tied in with your level of happiness right now, but until then I think you're doing all the right things to build up that confidence and sever that tie. Congrats.


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## LittleSister (Jan 22, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> I do look at myself and tend to blame myself for everything. This past year I was told that my appearance was a problem by A LOT of people on another website. So in response to that I started wearing makeup, desssing differently, and got a new hair style. I work out most days of the week too and have toned up a lot. Despite doing all this, I still haven't found anyone. I go out and live my life like anyone else. I sometimes spend hours at the gym plus I work too. I cook, clean, and go out and do all of my shopping by myself. I've definitely tried to improve things. You make assumptions but don't know my situation at all.
> 
> All of those people that told me last year that I'd never get anyone are right so far.


I think you need to stop worrying about it... But I can't make any other suggestions about attitude/appearance without knowing or seeing you.


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## Weird Fishes (Feb 2, 2011)

Oh noes hi-jacked. Nah it's ok - well thanks to those who gave me feedback. I've sent messages to a couple of people so I'll just see what happens. Maybe I'll let you know if anything develops ... ?


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