# My therapist called me a b****.



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

And, like, somebody is probably going to come in here saying that's horrendously unprofessional or whatever, but God, never have I left a session feeling so energised and liberated and _happy_.

She said I'm erratic, and all sorts of other faults that all rang true, and she called me a *****. She said her response to me as a person is frustration and sadness, or in other words basically I take that to mean that she doesn't like me. And instead of feeling insulted I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I really can't articulate it, exactly, but it felt so good.

It was so constructive.

If my behaviour is what's causing my problems, I'm in control. I can change that. The negative patterns I keep falling into aren't an inevitable part of life or whatever, they're part of me, and that means they don't have to continue. It's my fault. I create my own problems because I'm a dick. And that's okay. Because once I realise it and identify it and change the way that I react to people, I don't have to keep on being that way.

I really feel like such a weight has been lifted from me. I really, really like this confrontational approach. I think it's really working for me. Unfortunately the NHS is only giving me one more session.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

That's horribly unprofessional and won't be constructive for the vast majority of people. She should lose her license.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> And, like, somebody is probably going to come in here saying that's horrendously unprofessional or whatever,





tbyrfan said:


> That's horribly unprofessional and won't be constructive for the vast majority of people. She should lose her license.


Called it!


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> Called it!


Well, it is. I call it like I see it. Most people don't work well with rude therapists. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where it's no longer helpful for you - the insults may get a lot worse.


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## zraktor (Jan 27, 2013)

Nice attitude for a therapist. But maybe she's just being honest.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

I guess in person it was different to how it sounds in writing. Good for you - and well done to your therapist for 'thinking outside of the box.'


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> Well, it is. I call it like I see it. Most people don't work well with rude therapists. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where it's no longer helpful for you.


After the session, I thanked her profusely and told her how insightful and challenging I find her in the best possible way, and how I really appreciate that she'll argue with me. Because it really is such a big deal. She seemed really surprised and said, "a lot of people hate it." And, yeah, I can see that. But I wouldn't say she's _rude_. I'd say she's harsh but always fair. And you can see it's coming from a place of good will. It's just the hard kind of good will rather than the cosy kind.

Anyway, it's not going to, because I could only get four fifty-minute sessions on the NHS. Which is a shame, because I really feel like I'm benefiting from seeing her.



BadGirl said:


> I guess in person it was different to how it sounds in writing. Good for you - and well done to your therapist for 'thinking outside of the box.'


It was different in person, yeah. In the context of the whole session it was very different, but I don't know how to present it properly in writing. It sounds like an attack out of context, but in reality it was more of a (subjective) observation.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> After the session, I thanked her profusely and told her how insightful and challenging I find her in the best possible way, and how I really appreciate that she'll argue with me. Because it really is such a big deal. She seemed really surprised and said, "a lot of people hate it." And, yeah, I can see that. But I wouldn't say she's _rude_. I'd say she's harsh but always fair. And you can see it's coming from a place of good will. It's just the hard kind of good will rather than the cosy kind.
> 
> Anyway, it's not going to, because I could only get four fifty-minute sessions on the NHS. Which is a shame, because I really feel like I'm benefiting from seeing her.


It just comes across differently to me out of context. Hopefully she uses that technique only for certain people who she believes can handle it - it would probably backfire on, say, suicidal or grieving people. I do think that polite argument and challenge is good, but name-calling just seems like the wrong way to put things.

That's weird that they only gave you four sessions. It seems like it's worth riding out if it helps you personally. Do you have to keep jumping from therapist to therapist then?


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> It just comes across differently to me out of context. Hopefully she uses that technique only for certain people who she believes can handle it - it would probably backfire on, say, suicidal or grieving people. I do think that polite argument and challenge is good, but name-calling just seems like the wrong way to put things.
> 
> That's weird that they only gave you four sessions. It seems like it's worth riding out if it helps you personally. Do you have to keep jumping from therapist to therapist then?


Demand exceeds supply, and the waiting list is long, so this particular service can only give each patient a maximum of four sessions. I don't get another therapist after that. Once this is over, that's it.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> Demand exceeds supply, and the waiting list is long, so this particular service can only give each patient a maximum of four sessions. I don't get another therapist after that. Once this is over, that's it.


So you would have to pay out of pocket for anything else? That's messed up.


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Well its good you took her opinions onboard, I hope you can now change for the better.


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## TopDawgENT (Feb 4, 2014)

Well at least you can consciously stop being a *****, or less of a *****.


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## wootmehver (Oct 18, 2007)

That is an awesome idea, a verbally abusive therapist who violates your boundaries all over the place. Sounds like she needs to see a shrink herself. At least the sessions would be very entertaining as opposed to a disengaged therapist who nods every now and then and says "I see" every few minutes before falling asleep. Maybe there is some counter-transference thing going on where she is viewing you as an obnoxious daughter of hers who once eloped with a Bible salesman against her wishes.


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## Helpmeok (Feb 25, 2014)

clearly a moster mind, i would have stay at least few miles away from her


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## TopDawgENT (Feb 4, 2014)

did anyone even read the initial post lol?

Thread Title/Outrage/Post


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Hmm that's interesting! Who would've thought something like that would turn out to be the key that was missing to unlock....(I've ran out of steam with this metaphor, but I think you get the idea).



> If my behaviour is what's causing my problems, I'm in control. I can change that. The negative patterns I keep falling into aren't an inevitable part of life or whatever, they're part of me, and that means they don't have to continue


 Interesting, and makes perfect sense.

Can I ask, apart from the positive revelation, how do you feel about her negative appraisal of you? Did it hurt on some level, or not at all?

^I ask because I suspect we all spend a great deal of time worrying that someone might form a negative opinion about us....but in my experience, to have it happen and realise that the experience is actually not as bad as I'd feared is quite beneficial and empowering. It's a away from SA and towards a more secure outlook - or to put it another: to not giving too much of a **** what some people think of you.

If such a negative appraisal had come from anyone else, do you think it would have been as effective for you? In other words, do you think it needed to come from a disinterested party?

Anyway, I'm glad it was such a beneficial experience for you lisbeth  especially considering the limited number of sessions available to you.


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## camtrol (Sep 29, 2010)

I think it was unprofessional but if it did it for you who am I to say it was wrong. You may find it hard to change your behavior mind you since it is ingrained in you. I wish you the very best of luck on this challenge and hope that you can actually make the changes that make you the person that your therapist sees. 
Good luck my friend.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

wootmehver said:


> That is an awesome idea, a verbally abusive therapist who violates your boundaries all over the place. Sounds like she needs to see a shrink herself.


I agree, and was about to say the same thing. I think it may be working for you now, but she's going about it entirely the wrong way. Imho, there are other ways for her to be "insightful and challenging" to her patients. I've sat down before over a few beers with friends and had them say "you really acted like a dick last night" with not much real insight as to why I was acting that way, or what was really going on inside my head. And I didn't have to make an appointment, and the advice came free. That would have been my last appt with her, and I doubt I would've made it to the end of the session.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

To be fair to the therapist, I assume this was led up gradually to and made sense in context (as has been confirmed upthread).


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Hmm that's interesting! Who would've thought something like that would turn out to be the key that was missing to unlock....(I've ran out of steam with this metaphor, but I think you get the idea).
> 
> Interesting, and makes perfect sense.
> 
> ...


It didn't hurt at all, nope. Because I have no stake in trying to make her like me. Also, none of the words that she used are words that fit in with my core self image, or whatever, like the words I feel most apply to me and I most fear to be called. But as it is, the words she used were absolutely fine. I can't really say much more without probably getting too personal.

If it had come from somebody else, somebody I knew in a personal capacity rather than somebody neutral outside the situation, it not only would've hurt but I wouldn't have been able to trust it. But as it is, it feels great.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

TenYears said:


> I agree, and was about to say the same thing. I think it may be working for you now, but she's going about it entirely the wrong way. Imho, there are other ways for her to be "insightful and challenging" to her patients. I've sat down before over a few beers with friends and had them say "you really acted like a dick last night" with not much real insight as to why I was acting that way, or what was really going on inside my head. And I didn't have to make an appointment, and the advice came free. That would have been my last appt with her, and I doubt I would've made it to the end of the session.


She really gave me all kinds of insight about the hows and the whys of it. I just don't really want to bring it into the thread.


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## Gas Raid (Feb 19, 2014)

If she can be honest enough like a friend would, then that's awesome.

It would have sucked if you weren't comfortable enough with her, and your feelings were hurt over it, but I say play ball. I'm glad you took it constructively rather than as an insult.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

That's horrible. Just sayin lol. I had a rude doc once. But I'm happy for your new found happiness!


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Self honesty is the hardest thing. If you can look at yourself in an objective and critical way, you're on the right path.

Congratulations! You can change.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

CopadoMexicano said:


> I dont believe the original posters comments on the therapist but if its true I find it stupid of the therapist. :no


What don't you believe?


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

I wish I had a therapist as straightfoward as this. Having a nice therapist who was too afraid to inform me of my flaws did not go far at all. Although, I would most likely hypocritically break down if I had a therapist who criticized me so harshly.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It's a fine line (between pleasure and pain) between bluntness in a way which can kill someones self esteem and one which can kick them into gear. I assume your therapist understood your triggers and how you view things somewhat so felt this approach would be acceptable for you, and if that's the case then I don't really see anything unprofessional here at all. Some people need things laid out like a fist slam on a table for it to click, and if that's what it takes then that's what it takes.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

lisbeth said:


> *Unfortunately the NHS is only giving me one more session.*


Wow really? Have the recent NHS cuts been that bad I wonder - I remember going to therapy 2 years ago and getting about 12 sessions. (or am I reading into this wrong and you've had more)

As for the comment, well if I'm being honest you do seem a little abbrassive sometimes on here. But hey, if you think it's a good thing to be told this, then good for you. A lot of people cannot take any form of criticism -so you have my respect for that.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

If a therapist would have said it to me I would have been quite hostile to him/her, as I don't really trust them and think that it is an absurd that I need to pay money for someone to talk to.
So it sorts of woke you up? Use this momentum girl.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> Wow really? Have the recent NHS cuts been that bad I wonder - I remember going to therapy 2 years ago and getting about 12 sessions. (or am I reading into this wrong and you've had more)
> 
> As for the comment, well if I'm being honest you do seem a little abbrassive sometimes on here. But hey, if you think it's a good thing to be told this, then good for you. A lot of people cannot take any form of criticism -so you have my respect for that.


This was my third of four sessions. It could be an area thing, who knows.

I'll freely admit I tend to be pretty combative on this forum. I think partly it's the environment... the internet tends to lend itself to fostering a certain kind of aggression. But I think I probably do have an abrasive element running through my personality. People have ocasionally described me as being too acerbic and critical. But then other people have made a huge thing of calling me sweet, kind and gentle, so it gets very confusing to me. I don't really know how I come across.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Interesting, this wouldn't have worked for me at all but I'm glad it helped you.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

I probably would have freaked out in a violent rage or something. I hope a therapist never uses this tactic on me


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## JakeBoston1000 (Apr 8, 2008)

s*** you should have just asked me, I could have told you that.(Saved you a trip to the "doctor":teeth


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## violetgrey (Feb 18, 2014)

If a therapist did that to me... I'd probably want to cry!:um
I try too hard to be nice


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## Helpmeok (Feb 25, 2014)

23% Of
over few hundreds thousand of patient being *abuse *by *therapist *commit suicide. not to mention those keeping in silent , esp with social anxiety.
Casing long term psychology hurt without proof .


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## annoyedgrunt84 (Nov 14, 2013)

If it worked for you then great. Still I think compassionate care is a big part of the therapy process, If a therapist called me whiny and said I was wallowing in self-pity, for example, these are things I already know about myself so it doesn't give me any additional insight into my situation, if I could just turn those qualities off in myself I wouldn't be sitting in their office. I would probably just start to feel hopeless and helpless, "even my therapist can't stand me". It sounds like he/she might have used this "technique" after they already started to feel like you could handle it though. I hope you continue to get better


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

that's absolutely awful and i do agree she needs to see a shrink herself. what a disgusting woman.

you're lucky it happened to you who would appreciate it. but what about next time? what if it was a poor sad that can't take critisicm and would have a melt down? Horrendous. That woman needs to be sacked. urgh.


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## Alienated (Apr 17, 2013)

That's WONDERFUL, that you had a break trough. 

It sounds like you have a counselor that cares to tell the truth, even if it hurts. 
A therapist is there to guide you, and help you change.

That's when miracles happen, is when we face reality, and not live in our own fantasy worlds. I had a counselor like that too, and if he wasn't dead, I would still listen to every words he said. Because he cared enough to TELL THE TRUTH.


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## loneliness (Oct 3, 2013)

That would make me severely depressed because I'm hypersensitive to criticism. Even the slightest imagined comment that seems to be critical makes me neurotic and tense. 

If it works for you then great, I guess.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

I think you are wrong. It is precisely your irrational pattern of thinking that is the main problem. That one is making you feel the way you do and behave the way you do. Your behaviour is not disconnected from your thoughts. Those are going hand in hand.

It is true though that, in theory, you can change something. Cause many times we are creating new irrational beliefs on our own. So we should be able to somehow change at least those. But we also have to have the means to do it. We don't. Otherwise we wouldn't need to ask for help. Just wanting to do something, is not enough. You have to know what to do, how to do it and find the mental resources to do it.

I imagine:
1. You are a very difficult individual to deal with. Cause therapists rarely get out of their calm state. 
or 
2. She has her own issues and acted unprofessional. 

However, I still wonder whether you are difficult and kept self sabotaging those therapy sessions or offended that person in some way.

From what I've heard from my therapists, BPD and SPD(schizoid, schizotypal, schizophrenia) sufferers are some of the most difficult to work with.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I know it's who I am that keeps people from liking me. When I altered everything about myself, people liked me. But I hated myself to the point od attempted suicide. Now that I'm myself, no one cares about me. So it's a decision: Change everything about me, and probably kill myself. Or be alone, and only maybe kill myself.
What a conundrum.


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## JohnnyCampo (Sep 5, 2012)

I once got into a physical fight with some guy, who pinned me down and threw over a dozen punches to my face. I thanked him afterwards and shook his hand. Told him I needed it.


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