# How old is too old?



## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Some family and some friends say that I'm too old to get married and have kids. How old is too old? Is there a cut off age for having a normal life?


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

28 is too old? My aunt left my uncle and had a baby at 45. My cousins are all my age. I thinkn 28 is sitll young.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

I think women over a certain age that aren't married or divorced or have children are just not considered at all, people think there's something wrong with them. I think it's not PC to say that so I doubt I will get the honest opinions from some people. There's nothing wrong with being a single mom but I don't think it's something I want to knowingly enter into. People keep telling me I'm too old or rapidly approaching the age that is too old. I'm afraid that when my friends all get married and have children I'll have nothing left. My friends are all I have.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I can see what you're saying. My brother is 30 and he's only dated one girl.. he is teased about it by my father. He tells everyone that he plans on having children, but it seems that most are skeptical.

There's more to life than getting married and having children. I _never_ want to be married or have children. If I ever found someone to love, I'm more than happy to live life as a concubine. Society is changing, and I think people are becoming more open to it. There was a woman on Dr. Phil that was well into her 30's, never married, no children. I'm 20 and already I have family members asking me when _I'm_ going to have kids. I'm too embarrassed to say, "never," because I know that they will look down on me. That goes against the traditional roles of a woman. If we lived in an earlier time, I'd probably be burned alive for being a witch or something.

Oh I almost forgot! My aunt in almost fifty and has never been married. She has two grown children, and is never short of friends.

[I can't believe I admitted to watching Dr. Phil.]


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> There's more to life than getting married and having children.


 Yes but it is something I want and will most likely have to come to terms with not being able to have. Like Germanhermit said, I don't have the social skills to keep a relationship and have kids.


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

What are you talking about? You are 28 years old. You are still young (and beautiful I might add  ). Maybe if you were 38 you might be concerned, but that is a long ways away. Good luck.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

my mother had me when she was 36 going on 37. Society is changing in such a way that the norm of being married in your twenties to start a family is giving away to more diverse family structures. There aren't any correct or incorrect family structures.

Penn & Teller (the magicians) have a show on showtime called Penn & Teller's Bullsh_t in which they expose a lot of well...bullsh_t.  One episode tackles family values and/or family structure. In America I know we tend to view the One man, One woman relationship as a foundation for success while in reality all throughout history there are many different examples of family structures that have succeeded. In other words, a single recipe for "family values" is a bunch of BS.


BTW, My favorite family they interviewed on the show was a husband and wife (who had teenage kids) that also each had an live in girlfriend and boyfriend. Even better is that they apparently live in my state in an upper-middleclass town. Far from completely screwed up, they seemed content with their choices. I don't think I could share my wife with another man but that is not to say it doesn't work for other couples.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

PixieDust - they had smoe nerve telling you that you were too old at 28! They need to be smacked. :lol

What would something like that say to 30-year-olds like me, or people who married in their 30s or 40s?

It's not like you are reaching the end of time or anything.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Nae, when is that show on and what channel? I only caught it once but forget where.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

good post nae 



millenniumman75 said:


> What would something like that say to 30-year-olds like me, or people who married in their 30s or 40s?


 It's different for men. Society, and biology, has a far more forgiving timeframe for men. Men will also generally date younger women.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I like older women.


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

There's not a timeframe necessarily for when you could be married. Although women past the age of 30 are generally considered dead by society (if that wasn't the case, there wouldn't be the full court press for Botox, would there?), you could still very well wind up getting married at the age of 50. But in terms of having children...well, biology is a tricky thing, and in most cases, the odds of a successful conception start dropping after the age of 40. Most women who consult infertility specialists are in their 40's. 

It's not to say you could never conceive after a certain point, but you would more than likely need medical intervention in order for it to take place.


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## NÃ¶liena (Oct 1, 2005)

Mork said:


> What are you talking about? You are 28 years old. You are still young (and beautiful I might add  ). Maybe if you were 38 you might be concerned, but that is a long ways away. Good luck.


I agree, since when is 28 too old for anything??? If you hit 50 and you still haven't had children, then I could see being worried about it. As for marriage - YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO FIND LOVE AND GET MARRIED if that's what you want to do. Especially in today's society, people are waiting for much longer to start families. 
I say, if it's something that you want, don't give up. You're never too old to find happiness, and shame on anyone who tells you that! And you are very beautiful too  Please don't think that you should give up.


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

My mom had me when she was 37. 28 is definitely not too old.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

thanks guys, I feel better :squeeze


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Nöliena said:


> YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO FIND LOVE AND GET MARRIED


I agree.

I also think a lot of our parents are still stuck in that old fashioned way of thinking that you have to get married in your early twenties because that's what they did, and what their parents did as well. But times have changed. These days, late 20's, early 30's seems to be the new time to tie the knot. And even if it was still early 20's, who says you have to follow the same path as society? The whole "graduate college, get a 9-5, get married, buy a house in the suburb, and have 2 kids" lifestyle doesnt look all that great anyway IMO.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

You've got about ten years, then I would start to worry.


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

:haha I knew I could count on you for that one Gumaro.


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## darknightt (Jun 15, 2005)

I agree with Zephyr up there. IMO you're way to young still :lol


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## David1976 (Nov 8, 2003)

not too old at all... people are doing things differently these days...


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

I agree. A lot of people these days are doing things later: getting married later, going to or graduating college later, getting "settled down" later. As long as you eventually get to where you want to be, it's okay.


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## jerzeyb (Nov 19, 2005)

a close friend of mine and his wife had their first child last october. she was 32. 28 is not too old! don't let anyone tell you that! hell, over 40 is not an impossiblity(sometimes proper medical direction could be needed, but it is still a possibility in more extreme cases). it may not be the norm(i have no stats on this, just my own assumption) for women over 30 to have children, but i do know it happens all the time. if one day you decide you want to get married and have children(as it looks like you do), please only take advice from a qualified professional. 'well meaning' friends and family may think they are helping you in some strange, twisted way, but unless they have the proper education to back up such harmful statements, they should shut the hell up and let you live your life.


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## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

Pixiedust,

Just because it is custom for woman to be barefoot, pregnant and married by the time they are 20, doesn't mean you should feel ashamed that you are not.

I wish there was more women like you in my area, at 28, the women around here are often into thier second or third marriage and have kids with several different fathers. Too much baggage!

My family is starting to wonder as well....My sis was married at 32, and a year later has her first kid on the way...now they are asking me when I'm going to "get with it".

I have news for them....I may never get with it.


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## Rick m/24 (Dec 29, 2005)

My friend Nick was born when his mother was 47!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Lincolnradiocat said:


> I wish there was more women like you in my area, at 28, the women around here are often into thier second or third marriage and have kids with several different fathers. Too much baggage!
> 
> My family is starting to wonder as well....My sis was married at 32, and a year later has her first kid on the way...now they are asking me when I'm going to "get with it".
> 
> I have news for them....I may never get with it.


LincolnRadioCat - I still wouldn't worry about that. That's their personal issue with thinking of success as having raised a son who has a family. My dad, mom, and even my stepmom are the same way with me.

I have a step-sister who is six months younger than me and has three children (married five years - kids are 4, 3 in Feb., and 1 this month). After seeing her and her husband, one can't help but notice how much of a handful they are. My other step-sister, 28, got married in June and is already expecting a child in August. For some reason, thinking of having children right now makes me literally cringe, especially when it happens so soon into the marriage.

On the other side of the spectrum, like Rick m/24, my first cousin didn't get married until she was almost 40, and her first child at 42. There's the risk of complications, but my second cousin is 2 1/2 and is just fine!


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I don't know how anyone can say 28 is too old. A lot of people aren't even interested in starting a family until they're at least 30. I can understand that. I look at your 20s as still part of your youth, so why not have a little freedom and enjoy it?


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## Imdateless (Nov 11, 2003)

In japan if you're not married and having your 2nd or 3rd child by then you're locked away in a little room where they throw peanuts and rat tails at your cage!!!

Well, maybe not so harsh, but 30 is like a drop dead point here in Japan, with the majority of marriages happening around 20.

I sure wish some femminist organization would come in here and slap these girls around a bit - for the majority of them, careers aren't even an option, and going to school is just another way for them to find a potential husband (*cough* sugardaddy *cough*), so they can grow up and become stay at home mothers. It's like the 1950 but in 2006!!!


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## John H (Oct 27, 2005)

Ya I'm another one, my mom was 37 as well when she had me......

I agree totally with a previous poster that There Is No Such Thing as Too Old to find Love and get married, if that is what you want to do......

All (or most of us?) have fantasy ideals in our minds that we compare against and too often find ourselves and our situation lacking.....

Sure I understand that you may be nervous about not being where you thought you might be. But you are where you are, the questions are "What do you want now and in the next few years???", "What actions might move me in that direction???".

There are no guarantees but if you give good effort you may "surprise yourself"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

John H


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## living in darkness (Apr 17, 2005)

pixiedust said:


> Some family and some friends say that I'm too old to get married and have kids.


At 28? No way!!! Don't listen to them. Your family wouldn't happen to be from Louisiana, would they? LOL That picture of the little kitten in the coffee cup is very cute, by the way.


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## Amande (Feb 5, 2005)

Your family told you that, at age 28?!?! Yikes!! Of course it's not too late. You have a good 10-15 years to have babies, longer if you're open to adoption, and the rest of your life to find love. Don't worry about it.


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## Urkidding (Oct 12, 2005)

pixiedust said:


> Some family and some friends say that I'm too old to get married and have kids. How old is too old? Is there a cut off age for having a normal life?


If it's any consolation to you, I got married when I was 32 and am very glad that I had waited. If I had married any of my partners before that time, I'd most likely not be as happy as I am married to whom I consider the "cream of the crop." It often pays to wait, whether or not it's done by choice or social difficulties, and there really is no set "normal life."

Good luck to you, pixiedust, and I hope some family and some friends echo what I have told you.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Urkidding -- Great signature line! It had me literally laughing out loud. :lol 

Now on to the subject of this thread. No, 28 is certainly not to old. I'm now 40 year old and almost feel like it's too late for me to have a normal life (family, kids, etc., all the things non-SAers are lucky to have). I feel that once a woman finds out that I basically had no life during my 40 years of living that she would probably turn and run. I lack so many life experiences. Due to the severe SA that I had, I'm naive about so many things that most people have already experienced. In fact, it's no exaggeration to say most 20 year olds have easily had more life experiences than I have (realationships, friends, parties, doing adventurous type of things, etc.).

What the future holds for me... I honestly don't know.

Lifetimer


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

I was really upset when this was going on but after having time to sit on it for a while I'm not so upset about it anymore. It was a pretty emotional week for me when someone close to me said this so I probably wasn't thinking so straight. Even if I don't get married and have children it's not the worst thing in the world.


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## Bon1 (Jan 17, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> You've got about ten years, then I would start to worry.


Geez Zephyr..........Thanks a lot;-)))

You have plenty of time, plenty, Love happens when it happens................I didn't have my daughter until I was 38 (I am so surprised to read how many people had "Older" mothers on this board!!!)


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## odun (Nov 9, 2003)

i guess i didnt get the memo...seeing as how im 28 and a father to be in about 2 weeks or so.


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