# I Let Social Anxiety Ruin My Life



## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

I avoided people like the plague in college and was too afraid to apply for jobs. I graduated with no friends and no contacts. I spent over a year at home before my dad's friend took notice and started asking around. She got me a job in her office building at $10 per hour. 

Years went by. I saved up enough to buy a car, but I still had serious social anxiety. I hid from everyone at work and often spent my lunch break in the stairwell or in the back of the building. I got an offer from another department to interview for a $15-per-hour job, but I ignored it because I was self-conscious about my resume. 

I eventually started feeling self-conscious about my job. I think this was around the time everyone was getting on MySpace. I saw a lot of profiles of people I knew from high school and saw that they all had careers. So I eventually went back to school to get another degree because I thought that would turn my life around. 

That was the biggest mistake of my life. I was still too self-conscious about my resume to even apply for unpaid internships. I graduated with no experience in the field. I don't know anyone else who didn't intern somewhere during school. Nearly everyone from my class of 80-90 people found jobs. Even people with worse grades than me found decent jobs. 

That was four years ago. Today, I work part-time, but I make less than half of what I made in 2006. I'm also well over six figures in debt. I had none in 2006. My credit score is bad because I can't pay back my loans. My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be. I now apply for jobs, but because of my weak resume, the only companies that have interviewed me have all been bottom of the barrel. And I haven't had an interview in six months.

I'm deeply ashamed and sad all the time. My parents don't seem to notice or care. I wake up in the middle of the night and just lie there thinking about how I ruined my life. I imagine what women will think of someone who has lived in the same home his whole life and never been in a relationship. I feel like I'm stuck in the summer after my senior year in high school. I'm jealous of almost everyone, but at the same time, I know I put myself in this situation. I go back to sleep and wake up in the morning to the phone ringing. My lender always calls at 8:00 or 8:30. 

Lately, I've been wondering where I went wrong, and I've concluded that my parents damaged my self-esteem when I was young. My parents never believed in me and still don't. My dad always told me "You can't." When a schizophrenic beat me up on the bus, my mom told me it must've been because of something I said. I'm not sure the cause even matters at this point. Whatever the cause, I let social anxiety ruin my life. I hope this post will lead younger readers to address their social anxiety before it's too late.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

Thank you for posting Mongoose, even though I am not younger (46) I can relate in that I also let SA ruin my life. I didn't take risks in my applying for jobs or in life either like I should have. I think that when parents believe in their children, that is a strong deterrent toward a child not believing in themselves. That is traumatic to the child for a parent not to believe in their child or for a mother not to believe in their child when the child confides in that parent.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

Thank you to Mongoose (and Peach123) from me as well for your very well written post which took a lot of guts to write.

I'm also older than you and have sometimes thought about absence of positive parents (in my case they were invalids) contributing to my lack of self esteem and on top of that making me nervous for future prospects.

It's been a heavy day for me as I had to take my brother from the group home to the police station and back to the shelter. I'm just caught in the loop thinking how rigged to be dysfunctional my family was and still is. In my head I know I'm cursing at my family.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

Cavemanslaststand, that is a blessing that you are there for your brother supporting him and making sure he gets the care that he needs. But it isn't easy for you or anyone to assume the role of a parent. Hopefully your brother appreciates what you are doing for him and the sacrifices that you are making on his behalf.


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## harikiri (Feb 10, 2013)

That is such a sad story Mongoose. My life is a trainwreck too due to mental illness and terrible choices I made while 'manic' and psychotic when I was younger. This has affected my teenage son as well, so he is facing a very uncertain future, and the guilt is crippling. I distract myself constantly from thinking too much about the ruins of my life, and my probable inability to ever overcome them, at my age.

Having said that, both my parents believed in me when I was young, and my Mum still does (Dad's deceased). If only I could do something, however small, to make her proud at this late stage. She still loves me though. That unconditional maternal love.

I can only try to imagine how I would feel if I had parents like yours. Thanks for telling your story. As cavemanslaststand says, it must have taken a lot of courage. And caveman, I'm sorry to hear about your brother, and it's great for him that you have managed to give help and support in the dysfunctional family you share. That takes strength.


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## mudfox (Mar 24, 2013)

yeah really good post. I honestly hope you make it out of the abyss. No two people's stories are identical but I can relate to a lot of things you mentioned there. 

one thing that got me thinking, is here you said you're jealous of everyone... that's so self destructive and pointless (you probably know it is as well). If I compared my life to my friends'/family members' lives then I'd probably be living in a jealous rage 24/7, but I don't...you have to cut that out for your own sake. - easier said than done, sure, but I just felt like I had to say that anyway.

best wishes


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

I am a younger reader and I thank you for posting this... I want so badly to "just live," but I feel trapped when I start to feel that anxiety when trying something new. How do I get over that hump? Do I just continue to battle myself in order to "just live" and experience new things? Or do I let my anxiety rule my life and live comfortably until I'm older and realize that I never did live, but existed... That's what I'm facing now. :-/


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## Nick9075 (May 25, 2010)

I am in a similar situation as tvr the op except I will be 38 in june and my career has been an embarrassing train wreck. 
Something he said about friends and classmates getting great jobs. Yes I saw that as well and now many of
these people won't give me the time of day. 

I have thought about getting training for welding and electricians license but tbe the reality is my age and no connections or related industry experience will make any type of employment impossible to get that is the reality.


I own a business which provides minimal income as I talked about in a previous thread however taxes, Car and truck repairs, huge personal credit card debt which i can never repay as well as this constant feeling that everyone is out to get me makes life miserable. 
I know about how scary and bad such medications like prozac and adderall are but they are the only things that have really helped but again just too little too late


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## IllmaticJJ (Dec 29, 2013)

bumping this. hope you got better OP.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

IllmaticJJ said:


> bumping this. hope you got better OP.


Apparently not

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/theres-no-point-in-getting-a-job-1300745/

I still can't figure out what degree the OP has.


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## jamaz (Oct 20, 2015)

I know exactly what you describe


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## Agricola (Feb 20, 2015)

Yeah, I feel this way also. I let my social anxiety cripple me. Now that I am 31 I look back on my 20s and realize that I let my fears and anxiety stifle me. I could have made better decisions but I let my anxiety cloud my mind. I have only recently started to grapple with a lot of issues that I should have tackled years ago.


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## Constellations (Sep 23, 2013)

Dear lord, you have no idea how much this saddens me, I'm really sorry. I'm not even sure how you could've avoided it, SA is sometime really hard to overcome without any help.


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## longtimenolove (Oct 21, 2015)

You just wrote my life story  Mountains of debt, no job, can't hold down high school jobs...no kids is a really hard part, and it's too late for that now. I'm struggling through school college, living at home, no friends. I've never actually had friends...I'll be graduating (if i can get to that point) with mountains of student loan debts. I'm only trying to appear normal and have an excuse for living at home. I can't just sit around doing nothing and look as if I enjoy it, so I had to do something. Really the hardest part is not being able to work. I look like the laziest person on earth, but I'm paralyzed when I'm in different jobs. I can't think, I can't talk, I can't comprehend what people are trying to direct me to do...it's such a nightmare being crippled but looking like I'm supposed to be normal. I really feel paralyzed but people expect that I should be able to get up and walk. That's the worst part, not meeting societal expectations.


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## Shawn81 (Jul 9, 2014)

I won't even try and tell all the details my story. I get it. I've been hiding in my room for 12 years with no friends. I had poor social skills before that. I didn't work for 11 of those years. My anxiety got so out of control I wasn't even able to walk unassisted and ended up in a mental hospital. My life is more stable now in some ways, and terrifyingly unstable in others. It's no life at all. All I want is to not be alone and I absolutely cannot approach people. It's a mess. I can't even approach people online. I can somehow manage to get people so upset they freak out and block/delete/whatever me and I have to try and find someone to explain why it happened, because I don't even know. My life is a train wreck. The only thing I can't relate to from the OP is that I have no theory as to what caused me to end up this way. I've been like this as far back as I can remember. Multiple therapists have told me I have the symptoms of someone who comes back from war afraid and ashamed, but I'm not a veteran, nor do I have any memory of major trauma. I don't feel like I developed emotionally past maybe age 15 and I don't want any of the things I'm supposed to want at my age. And now I'm rambling and editing the post for the fifth time so I'm forcing myself to stop thinking since this was only supposed to be two or three sentences to let you know I can relate.


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## soulstorm (Jan 5, 2012)

I had parents who were very supportive but I still ended up with SA. Everything was fine until I hit puberty and then I became very aware of how people looked at me. It has been an uphill battle ever since. I can't even keep a girlfriend because my SA renders me exhausted after a while. Everyone has gotten married and I'm becoming increasingly isolated as time goes on.


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I guess most of our stories are similar to yours - so in that sense you are not alone. (don't know whether that would make you feel better though). 

The thing that sucks so much that it is all down to us. We let this happen to us, we saw it happening to us, every step of the way and because of what? 'some anxiety' as so many people see it, but I call it the SILENT KILLER. Because we are all dying, all humans are, but we are doing it silently on our own. We can't reach out for help, as someone would say, because getting help means anxiety. Continuing to get help means anxiety. Actually doing basic chores in life is all about anxiety. 

The part that probably sucks for me, is the jealousy I feel, like you do. Like when I am on my own, I can be ok. I have found things that make me happy, I can get through the day, enjoy my moments etc. but then at some point you start noticing what you missed out on, seeing people around you. Success, friends, career, money, marriages, kids, grandkids, a home/car of their own, world travels, nights out, big birthday parties, people visiting them in the hospital, people liking your photos on Facebook...even the silliest things make me jealous. Things that I don't have and will never have. 

It sucks big time and it sucks even worse that it is all in our minds. Spread out over our bodies like a virus. 

We can only survive it by being thankful for everything we do have - however small that might be. A (part time) job, a roof over our heads, food on our plate, intelligence and common sense and just live each day as it comes. Being strong, against the strong current....


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## michelleburger (Jun 10, 2015)

Social anxiety can take the fizz out of us and render us inept to go about our business. It is advisable to visit a doctor and treat it with the right perspective.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Nobody lets Social Anxiety ruin their life. It forces its way through and takes control.

I'm 31 and in the same boat. I too can say my parents were a significant factor in my SA. Constantly being doubted, always in the wrong and any suggestions I make to try and help were always classed as silly, nonsense or just ignored. 

The main issue is awareness and peoples reactions. Lets say the dentist. I'm not afraid of the dentist, but social anxiety makes me very nervous there. So nervous in fact that I end up physically shaking. 

When I went 5 years ago, I had to have a filling. While in the chair, because of SA I was shaking and the dental nurse had to hold my head still. It was highly embarrassing, they were patronising and when I left, I felt like a weak, stupid person.

I avoided going again for quite some time because of this until I needed emergency treatment for a wisdom tooth that had impacted and was causing me extreme pain. When I went, I was the same as before with the shaking because of SA. After the extraction the dentist said it seems like I need treatment to a few other teeth. I explained to him about the problems I have with going to the dentist due to SA.

He told me that I should still go as often as I can because if I don't, then it will be my own fault when half my teeth cant be saved.

This is what really ruins peoples lives with SA.... The lack of understanding. People make someone with SA feel worse due to not understanding and then this makes people avoid the situations


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## Shawn81 (Jul 9, 2014)

I can sit here reading this thread over and over.


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## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

> We can only survive it by being thankful for everything we do have


Agree with @victoriangirl but dreams die hard.

I'm not even entirely sure SA is the problem. It might be the lie I bought into about myself.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

beefyboss said:


> How are things these days?


Absolutely no different. I'm still unemployed, still live at home, still never been on a date. My life has been over for years.


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## fuark11 (Jun 25, 2016)

Mongoose said:


> Absolutely no different. I'm still unemployed, still live at home, still never been on a date. My life has been over for years.


I'm in the same situation except 10 years your junior. Unless I can get a job with my degree and move out I am destined to rot. I cannot stand living with my parents anymore either. Life is just hell.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

I saw this link. Maybe helpful to some.

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/48z1nu/_/d0o10n5


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

http://gawker.com/men-talk-about-being-unemployed-in-their-prime-1517479368

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Loser/806344


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## startingover1 (Oct 25, 2016)

I've done the same avoiding act my whole life. My peers seems to be so driven, confident and outgoing. I just don't get it. I want security and all the usual trappings in life, but I'm like a totally different species.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Mongoose said:


> Absolutely no different. I'm still unemployed, still live at home, still never been on a date. My life has been over for years.


Maybe it's time to try something radically different. Buy a plane ticket and go live in some third world country with low cost of living. Start a small business there. Meet a nice local school teacher.


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## alwayssa (Nov 2, 2016)

AngelClare said:


> Maybe it's time to try something radically different. Buy a plane ticket and go live in some third world country with low cost of living. Start a small business there. Meet a nice local school teacher.


Don't you people get it. He has no money and has stated that he would be homeless if it wasn't for his parents.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

alwayssa said:


> Don't you people get it. He has no money and has stated that he would be homeless if it wasn't for his parents.


He said he worked low paying jobs before. He can save up or work an extra job.

I'm just throwing out options. You want him to give up?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Deadguy (Aug 19, 2011)

railcar82594 said:


> http://gawker.com/men-talk-about-being-unemployed-in-their-prime-1517479368
> 
> http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Loser/806344


Those Gawker stories were a real eye opener for me. Age discrimination is a real problem.

I've always been frugal but I really took it up a notch after reading those stories. I currently make $3,000 more than what I'm spending and all of that goes in to savings. This is independent of what I have in a 401k plan. I also worked for the government for ten years and qualify for a pension at the age of 60 that would pay me $900/month for the rest of my life. There's also social security, but I really look at the pension and social security as plans B and C.

My goal is to get to 1 million dollars in savings by the time I'm in my 50s. That should provide me with enough money to live on for the rest of my life without having to worry about finding a job. I'm a little bit behind right now but will probably get more aggressive in terms of investments in the next five years. Even saving $3,000 a month does not get you very much without a good rate of return on the money (do the math).

I also refinanced my home last year and went from a 30 year loan to a 15 year loan. I could pay off the principal now but the interest rate is pretty low and I can use the mortgage interest as a tax deduction for now. Not having a mortgage payment will make a big difference in terms of my ability to save as well and ensure that I will not outlive my money. I also paid off my student loans and paid off my car last year. I will not be getting a new car for at least another 5 or 6 years.


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## zork20001 (Aug 8, 2016)

Deadguy said:


> Those Gawker stories were a real eye opener for me. Age discrimination is a real problem.
> 
> I've always been frugal but I really took it up a notch after reading those stories. I currently make $3,000 more than what I'm spending and all of that goes in to savings. This is independent of what I have in a 401k plan. I also worked for the government for ten years and qualify for a pension at the age of 60 that would pay me $900/month for the rest of my life. There's also social security, but I really look at the pension and social security as plans B and C.
> 
> ...


Couple things paying you mortgage interest for a tax deduction is stupid misconception, it's like giving someone a dollar so that they will give you a dime at the end of the month.

Second things is by saying in another 5 years you need to replace your car with a new one. A car is nothing more than a tool that gets you from point a to point b, it is also one of the most expensive and worst investments you can possibly purchase. Until you are making so much where purchasing a new car is only 4 or lower percent of your net worth and no longer matters always drive your cars for as long as you can and go the cheapest route possible; at least if you actually want to save money.


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## Deadguy (Aug 19, 2011)

zork20001 said:


> Couple things paying you mortgage interest for a tax deduction is stupid misconception, it's like giving someone a dollar so that they will give you a dime at the end of the month.


I get this, I really do. What I didn't mention is that I'm currently renting out this home as I had to relocate for a new job. The mortgage interest deduction is needed on the Schedule E to offset the rental income, otherwise I would be paying tax on the excess ordinary income at my effective tax rate. The real estate taxes and depreciation are not enough to offset the rental income so I need that mortgage interest deduction. I'm not really making money off this since I am renting an apartment where I live now and the rental income offsets the rent. I'm keeping the house so that I will eventually have a mortgage free place to live. I don't itemize my income and just take the standard deduction.

As far as the car goes, I bought it at 0% APR in 2011 and would pay cash for a new one. This is one luxury item I will splurge on. Where did I say a car was an investment? They are money pits and I've never viewed them any other way. However, I travel a lot for work and get 56.5 cents/mile in reimbursement from the company I work for. I'm banking my reimbursements right now as my car is paid off. Since I need this car for work, I'm not sure I can extend the life of the car beyond 10 years. I put about 25,000 miles a year on it.


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## AliceinWunderland (Sep 29, 2016)

Deadguy, out of curiosity, what job do you do that gives you 3k excess a month? What are your plans for when you're 50 and don't have to work? Just curious...

mongoose, I feel for ya, that's a crappy situation man! Because of your debt I imagine its difficult to change things but you should try... Maybe you can save up for a session with a life coach or something.

My bro is in a similar situation as you but he's finally got a job that pays ok, he just needs to stick with it. Can't you get an admin job or something? If you're good at fitness you could train to be a personal trainer - it pays good but doesn't require much except you gotta be fit. Just making suggestions.


oh, and I'm doing what you did - going back to college, it's not exactly going to plan but I'm working on it and trying not to get in debt!


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## Deadguy (Aug 19, 2011)

Alice,

I'm a tax auditor. My salary isn't that great but I live a rather frugal lifestyle. Being single and not having kids helps me control my costs. 

I don't know what I'll do when I retire. I would like to visit every minor league ballpark in the country. It would be a great way to see the country. Other than that, I have a number of hobbies to keep me busy.


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## Dreaming1111 (Aug 31, 2016)

This is what the global financial elite have wrought upon our planet. Debt, debt, and more debt. It's not just us but a problem with society. We are in a slave system and I hope the solution is coming sooner rather than later because it's just gone on too long with too much suffering. As I get older I desire less and less and prefer to live frugally.

Oh and I forgot to mention my life has also been ruined by SA/AvPD.


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## db09striker (Jan 28, 2016)

Social Anxiety has ruined my life too. Without it I would have been so much more outgoing, so much more successful in terms of career, sex, and love life.

School - Anxious as hell. Was the 'quiet' kid, had friends, wasn't a geek or outsider, but was probably thought as a bit odd by people as I was so anxious and quiet. I hated being the centre of attention. I hated some school lessons especially those which a teacher would pick you out to answer questions.

School and Love/Sex - Luckily I was a decent looking guy, the one thing I had going for me was I attracted girls, otherwise I would have never had the courage to go and speak to them myself - they came to me. So many showed an interest in me.....but any that I went out with soon realised I was odd as I barely spoke to them.

After school - I started losing my hair at 17 years old!!! I was now screwed. I was panicking, the only thing I had going for me was disappearing - my looks. On top of my Social anxiety, I now had the added anxiety about the way I looked. Instead of getting compliments like I did in my school years - I was now getting bald comments. I now thought no girl is going to be interested in me and had zero confidence. I did end up having a 3 year relationship though in the early years of my balding. But since then it has been hit and miss with the ladies.

Career - Basically screwed because I can do no job that involves dealing with people. I am not confident, intelligent, or articulate enough.


Intelligence = average.

Looks = diminished.

Confidence = screwed.

= Not a great combination. 


You need at least one of these in life to succeed - I had and have none of these. So I am a failure.


But at the end of the day.....all it takes to sort me out is finding a girlfriend. But I just don't have the confidence to go out there and find one. My job is ok, my financial situation is good, my looks are maybe 5 or 6 out of 10, I just need a mrs to sort my life out.


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## Methodical (Jul 18, 2014)

Dreaming1111 said:


> This is what the global financial elite have wrought upon our planet. Debt, debt, and more debt. It's not just us but a problem with society. We are in a slave system and I hope the solution is coming sooner rather than later because it's just gone on too long with too much suffering. As I get older I desire less and less and prefer to live frugally.


Yes, I'm really looking forward to being laid off before 50 and never finding another job. I don't think a solution is coming, actually. We are just supposed to buy a new car when we feel sad and as you say, it's just more debt slavery and once we lose our job it's time to pick out a spot under a bridge to sleep.


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## movingonup (Nov 9, 2016)

I will say one thing.

I'm glad that student loan debt isn't classed as credit here in the UK. I don't class it as a real debt.

What amazes me are the people who rack up thousands of credit to buy cars, to socialize, cosmetic surgery etc. There are even programmes on the TV called "can't pay we;ll take it away" which glorifies bayliffs taking peoples possesions.

We live in a sick society.


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## cutoff (Feb 8, 2017)

Do you ever feel cut off from society? I do. It's like I don't exist.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

This thread again? I think overall the only way for those of us over 30 where SA ruined our lives is to redo it which is impossible. Realize early on with real SA we are ****ed in the career and relationship dept. i.e. Don't be so professionally ambitious, lay off the video games, go for the trades, a factory job, or a job situation with a tolerable social pressure work environment and don't look back.


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## PineconeMachine (Jan 17, 2012)

Pretty sad thread here...all too familiar. All too familiar.


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## fsasfuhi (Jun 10, 2017)

Mongoose said:


> I avoided people like the plague in college and was too afraid to apply for jobs. I graduated with no friends and no contacts. I spent over a year at home before my dad's friend took notice and started asking around. She got me a job in her office building at $10 per hour.
> 
> Years went by. I saved up enough to buy a car, but I still had serious social anxiety. I hid from everyone at work and often spent my lunch break in the stairwell or in the back of the building. I got an offer from another department to interview for a $15-per-hour job, but I ignored it because I was self-conscious about my resume.
> 
> ...


How are you doing these days?


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## notebook1 (Jul 3, 2017)

I'm sorry to bring this thread up again, but I was wondering how unemployment in the USA compares with the UK.

I'm an unemployed graduate from the UK (I'm doing temp work but it is unreliable). When I graduated I had high hopes that I would land a good job. Despite having anxiety, I had always got perfect grades from high school through to university and was told that doing well in school was the pathway to success. Upon graduating, I applied and got rejected from every graduate scheme I applied for. The irony is these schemes are suppost to be for people with no experience (the scheme trains you in the job), but they all prefer experience which only rich kids can get through unpaid internships in London. Some people do masters degrees, but many can end up unemployed again if you don't choose well. I feel like the good jobs are all taken by the "elite" here in the UK and the people with money and connections.

In the UK we have what is called the unemployment "scrapheap". You can receive benefits and won't go homeless, but it is a povety trap which many never get out of. We also have the "working poor" who are employed full-time but can only just afford to pay their bills.

I am curious how the situation compares in the USA, which is a far richer country than here. Can you receive scholarships to re-train? Are there lots of jobs that are difficult to get, or very few jobs which are difficult to get (like here in the UK).

I feel like I live in a messed up work where the people who want to get on in life can't do it because they don't have connections or daddies trust fund. I am willing to work hard and even do things that don't require a degree, but jobs are almost like gold dust now. Things like social anxiety, being a virgin or not having a social circle are even harder to fix when the basics of an income and social mobility are out of reach.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Did you just get banned? shucks. Well, maybe you should be able to still read this since many threads on SAS are still public, readable without being a member, and searchable by Google including this category. 
From what you depict, it sounds like the job situation for the young in the UK is now just terrible. To get a foot in to a professional job with a corporation, you can still get internships however it's now extremely competitive in the U.S. You make it sound like getting an internship in the UK is now bribery and no longer based on merit. Corporations in the U.S. have generally cut down drastically on training young college graduates since many degreed jobs have and continue to be offshored. Sometimes getting a foot in the company in a low position works but only so if one doesn't have SA and is a good social and corporate climber otherwise the intense office politics is always there in the U.S. workforce where it's been reported in recent years of all time job dissatisfaction where most people hate their jobs and intense work bullying where even if you have a position you keep having to defend and justify it from other coworkers i.e. said office politics. Besides that, there are the low-wage low skilled jobs of which a significant portion has been occupied by the illegal immigrant or first generations of illegal families for decades particularly in the southwestern states. These are typically low wage to minimum wage jobs with many jobs not reported for taxes by unscrupulous employers. Then there are the temp jobs and seasonal retail jobs, yet retail is dying with most malls closing up, old time department store chains cutting and closing stores in the hundreds across the country, and retail increasingly taken over by online shopping. So yes, there are jobs, but mostly low wage low paid and almost never enough for young people to be independent unless they are willing to move into shared rent low income housing with others in almost slum conditions. From what you've described, even low wage, low skill jobs are scarce in the UK. It's actually become a "lost generation" of high school or college grads who never get into a middle-class career in the U.S. No one wants to really talk or report about it as they continue to fudge the official unemployment numbers and counting a part time job of less than a half-day's hours as "fully employed" in terms of the bureau of labor statistics' "numbers".


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

Mongoose, it's been a year. Are you doing yugeeeeeeeeeeeeeee things?


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Aw, we probably already know the answer. No need to keep climbing on his back about it. Many lives are destroyed by serious SA for good. Many people are on the "dole" in the UK and europe and a bunch of poor class immigrants so even SA disenfranchised are not alone in losership except certain cultures and societies like to make an example of it. Even if you get a good job, there are competitors always willing to tear one down and hope they end up in the gutter, such is our overpopulated rotting world. Maybe we are eventually going back to biblical times when everyone except the sellouts were poor and you had to have faith a loaf of bread could feed the multitude. The corporations sold us the tech dream of a fantasy standard of living for all for the past half century when perhaps it's not "natural" at all.


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## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

Its time to get the power back!


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

So sad. Take a chance. Dust off your resume and apply for a higher position. It's not too late. You can look up resume examples on the internet.

Whatever you do, just don't give up pleeeeease!!


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Ms kim said:


> So sad. Take a chance. Dust off your resume and apply for a higher position. It's not too late. You can look up resume examples on the internet.
> 
> Whatever you do, just don't give up pleeeeease!!


Higher position? OP doesn't have a position, hadn't had one for years. He may have had a possibility in academia, but that window has probably passed. The related thread: 
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/there-s-no-point-in-getting-a-job-1300745/

I'd say gov't job application for state , local, or fed positions is his best chance now (because screening procedures mandate they count his degree, and they can't arbitrarily toss out the application) , or some connections but a lot of SA afflicted families don't have any connections. There's been plenty of suggestions earlier in this and the other thread, but maybe mostly unheeded anyways.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

railcar82594 said:


> Higher position? OP doesn't have a position, hadn't had one for years. He may have had a possibility in academia, but that window has probably passed. The related thread:
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/there-s-no-point-in-getting-a-job-1300745/
> 
> I'd say gov't job application for state , local, or fed positions is his best chance now (because screening procedures mandate they count his degree, and they can't arbitrarily toss out the application) , or some connections but a lot of SA afflicted families don't have any connections. There's been plenty of suggestions earlier in this and the other thread, but maybe mostly unheeded anyways.


 Thanks for that. So sad. Perhaps he completely gave up in life when he called the interviewer to turn down the possibility of getting hired.

I wonder if he's on medication for his depression?

I know how he feels. Before I found a proper job I was practically working for free. It's better to do something, even work below our qualification. Sitting at home makes depression worst.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Ms kim said:


> Thanks for that. So sad. Perhaps he completely gave up in life when he called the interviewer to turn down the possibility of getting hired.
> 
> I wonder if he's on medication for his depression?
> 
> I know how he feels. Before I found a proper job I was practically working for free. It's better to do something, even work below our qualification. Sitting at home makes depression worst.


Your welcome. I agree it's sad. He seems like a nice person. Plus that overwhelming debt probably with continuing interest we don't know much about or how it was accumulated or what his degree studies were in. The jobs he mentioned which paid $17 or $25/hr could still be decent enough to live independently in a cheap housing solution such as a leased out room of a bigger house, but then there's that debt again and he mentions collectors calling daily. I hope it turns out ok for him. I'd been in a mental home and homeless housing at a time in my life, and it's a terrible place to end up or be stuck in for older people as I saw.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

railcar82594 said:


> Your welcome. I agree it's sad. He seems like a nice person. Plus that overwhelming debt probably with continuing interest we don't know much about or how it was accumulated or what his degree studies were in. The jobs he mentioned which paid $17 or $25/hr could still be decent enough to live independently in a cheap housing solution such as a leased out room of a bigger house, but then there's that debt again and he mentions collectors calling daily. I hope it turns out ok for him. I'd been in a mental home and homeless housing at a time in my life, and it's a terrible place to end up or be stuck in for older people as I saw.


 Physically & mentally, are you in a better place now?


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Seeing how those older homeless and mental folks ended up stuck helped motivate me. I'm in a much better place in my life since then, although I don't have a good career of my early life ambitions, no relationships, and still have bad SA , occasionally depressed, and a loner, otherwise I've accepted it.


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## Jolese (Jan 4, 2005)

Hey Mongoose,

I know life with SA is difficult, and life even without SA is difficult too. Life is just tough. But you tried very hard to get an education so stop beating youself up. You did what probably a lot of other SAers couldn't do with getting the education. The debt sucks, but you are not the only person who is carrying around this overload of college debt. Yeah, it stinks, but at this point you have to develop a mentality that says "I tried" instead of "I failed". Try to improve your situation, step by step. Next time bill collector calls don't answer, or turn it into something you can laugh about. Say no to the stress, and just have faith that if you keep trying you can make progress and move forward. It might have to happen in small steps, but it can be done. Focus on a positive mindset and small incremental steps forward.


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## Jolese (Jan 4, 2005)

*Just a little bit late*

Okay, maybe a LOT late. Guess I should check the date of the OP.


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