# Let's Create a New Religion



## deesonjame (Mar 10, 2013)

Always thought it would be fantastic to create a new religion. Why don't we put our heads together and come up with a plausible story about a new religion?

Let me start off. In 1985, there was a man named David ...


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

index fingers because the gods forced him to because they had kidnapped his


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## SoleCollectorAir23 (Mar 17, 2013)

A new religion based on the belief of chariots of the gods and ancient aliens would be a solid one.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

they had kidnapped his penguins and eaten -


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

39 out of his 72 chocolates. Six weeks after, everyone thought the worst was over with. 
Then Rick Ross showed up...


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## Choa (Feb 5, 2013)

I'll be your God ok? (◕‿◕✿)


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

..rick ross then began to eat carrots and he lost 6,000lbs. For those who are math-stupid, that is, he decending into the "negative" and lost his gangsta soul....


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

Unfortunately those carrots were all the food the penguins had, and they soon perished. Their souls were quickly consumed by the negative mass that was Rick Ross and what resulted was the first ever miracle! The spirit of the penguins and Rick Ross converged as one. Rick Ross was born again!


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Ohhh look it's a support thread!

Looks like it's busy supporting people! I almost thought it was being condescending for a second..

Silly me


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

Droidsteel said:


> Ohhh look it's a support thread!
> 
> Looks like it's busy supporting people! I almost thought it was being condescending for a second..
> 
> Silly me


I get your entirely passive-aggressively presented point. For what it's worth, I would be pretty surprised if less then 250 of my posts were written to help someone else.

I definitely imitated some religious ideas however I never intended to irritate or seem condescending to those who hold such beliefs. The penguin Ross reincarnate seemed too good to pass up mainly because I had the picture for it.

I'd also be surprised if goofy tasks like this weren't at least slightly productive in the endeavour to reduce SA. Overall though I'm pretty sure the point is for fun and not to be scornful of religion or its practitioners.


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## greygoose22 (Mar 19, 2013)

We can call the religion baconism


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Moment of Clarity said:


> I get your entirely passive-aggressively presented point. For what it's worth, I would be pretty surprised if less then 250 of my posts were written to help someone else.
> 
> I definitely imitated some religious ideas however I never intended to irritate or seem condescending to those who hold such beliefs. The penguin Ross reincarnate seemed too good to pass up mainly because I had the picture for it.
> 
> I'd also be surprised if goofy tasks like this weren't at least slightly productive in the endeavour to reduce SA. Overall though I'm pretty sure the point is for fun and not to be scornful of religion or its practitioners.


Since no religious members of the site have posted in this thread I guess it's not so bad. No-one seems to be getting offended by it yet.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Can I join this religion and then make my house a house of "worship" so that I can be exempt from paying taxes too?


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Oprah is our leader.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

:wtf


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

Apparently there is a religion near my city where surrendering all your possessions gets you free marijuana all year long...

Church of the Universe

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_Universe

I'm unsure of the exact details...


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## HAWAIi808 (Feb 25, 2013)

MrKappa said:


> Apparently there is a religion near my city where surrendering all your possessions gets you free marijuana all year long...
> 
> Church of the Universe
> 
> ...


There's a church similar to this in Hawaii. But I think they got busted for trafficking lol.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

Funny man  Sure, start it, so far you have about 16 'supporters'. Try getting 2.2 billion


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## Jarebear (Mar 12, 2013)

Royals said:


> Funny man  Sure, start it, so far you have about 16 'supporters'. Try getting 2.2 billion


ooooou nice ad populum, doesn't take away from the truth of this new religion :boogie


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Royals said:


> Funny man  Sure, start it, so far you have about 16 'supporters'. Try getting 2.2 billion


We will get there, we just have to refine our brain washing techniques that we will use for our religions to get more sheep... err I mean followers.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Droidsteel said:


> Since no religious members of the site have posted in this thread I guess it's not so bad. No-one seems to be getting offended by it yet.


why would they? First of all it's a blatant joke, and second of all this section of the forum isn't for religious support? :/


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## Brasilia (Aug 23, 2012)

jJoe said:


> Oprah is our leader.


So let it be known.


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength." - Oprah

Now with Oprah induced optimism and a highly-developed sense of smell, Ross was ready to grow. However due to his penguin influences his efforts were now solely focused on the pursuit of one particular substance.

Not many people know this but..
.









The result was inevitable; it was already too late. David would once again face misfortune as his already greatly diminished chocolate supply would soon be nothing but a distant memory. David's supply was discovered in no time and the fury fueled chocolate consumption that ensued was nothing less then the calorically induced cataclysmic event that would change the course of history forever.

The Second Coming








In no time Rozay was back, "Ballin' in the club", and "Blowin' Money Fast".

No one could have imagined that Ross`s rapping abilities would return as they did, especially with such haste. Rozay soon had what may very well be the most important epiphany of our time_, as he would say "_I can change the weather_".

_


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

greygoose22 said:


> We can call the religion baconism


And we can all be the disciples of bacon, the son of food, our savior.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

wordscancutyoulikeglass said:


> And we can all be the disciples of bacon, the son of food, our savior.


Pizza rolls must be held sacred as well.


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

Dark Alchemist said:


> Pizza rolls must be held sacred as well.


We cannot forget the holy pizza rolls, and how they cooked in the microwave for our hunger.


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## Foh_Teej (May 5, 2004)

Thou shalt not drinketh cheap brew for gas station beer is an abomination.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

So this is baconism in which David cut off the index fingers of the babies who stole his penguins and then Rick Ross showed up and Oprah is the leader!?

...

It just...makes sense doesn't it?


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## Foh_Teej (May 5, 2004)

Staticnz said:


> So this is baconism in which David cut off the index fingers of the babies who stole his penguins and then Rick Ross showed up and Oprah is the leader!?
> 
> ...
> 
> It just...makes sense doesn't it?


Now all we need is to find some aliens to **** and we're good for tax exemption


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## DiceMan (Mar 26, 2012)

How bout the Virgin Suicides?

Jk, DON'T this forum would be dead.


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## WhyEvenBother (Jun 20, 2013)

Then the holy trinity of Rock descended from the sky to teach man the ways of good music,










but few heard their words....

I may have a slight obsession with Rush......


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## Pretty Bullet (Jun 20, 2013)

Is there a way to follow threads? You guys are cracking me up! Lmao


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

After thine Ross's second coming and his unbelievable control over the weather, the holy trinity of rock, Rush, descended from the sky to announce upon the earth the glory of them:

"Oh ye of rap musik, heed thee well. Not shall a decimal of wavelength be spoken hereof unless given first the Trinity of Rock N' Roll! For I am--we are--who we are, the Omega and the antacids of bowel movements of which ye shall not know of yet as ye are unable to know because I hath not yet giveneth you any revalation-ith yet-ith. Now, Rick Ross is my beloved penguin of whom I love; any man whom follows Him shall followeth me.......eth?.... Here I suldomly swear upon a book called.........(*poof*) The booketh of STUFF!"

As the skies return and the echoes of "mufassa....mufassa...." fade into oblivion Rick Ross floats back into the heavens never to be seen again. The book, The Book of Stuff, lies on the soil....


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## Alluring prince (Apr 1, 2011)

I'll kindly ask if we can avoid food references, as it makes it harder for myself (and others?) to avoid food cravings in trying to get fitter. There's already that religion with the flying spaghetti monster. Maybe I'm just weak, lol.

I like the idea of a religion based around common notions and fears that are based much more on emotion than evidence. For instance, a lot of you have probably heard about muscle-building to lose weight under the premise that muscle burns a lot of calories (e.g. claim of 50 calories/pound/day)? You can disprove that with a couple minutes of Googling, but now there will be a holy reason for muscle-building to lose weight! "God/Flying Spaghetti Monster/My bong told me this is the way."



Pretty Bullet said:


> Is there a way to follow threads? You guys are cracking me up! Lmao


Look at "subscription" under one of the options. Subscribing without email means that you won't get notices other than showing up in your subscribed threads list, which is what I use; you can quickly access that through "Quick Links."


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## JustRachel (May 22, 2013)

Moment of Clarity said:


> Unfortunately those carrots were all the food the penguins had, and they soon perished. Their souls were quickly consumed by the negative mass that was Rick Ross and what resulted was the first ever miracle! The spirit of the penguins and Rick Ross converged as one. Rick Ross was born again!


:rofl


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## wordscancutyoulikeglass (May 4, 2012)

I love how this religion makes as much sense as any other.

Even with Oprah as our leader and bacon and pizza rolls as holy food. 

And something bout Rick Ross dying and coming back as a panda. Genius. We are genius. And now we can even tell people that we're religious and avoid unnecessarily arguments!


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## frank81 (Dec 1, 2011)

I LOL in the office. I'm joining! Now quickly get me baconized & I'll be officially a baconist. When someone asks me of my religion I'm gonna say baconism.


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## xgodmetashogun (Apr 2, 2013)

wordscancutyoulikeglass said:


> I love how this religion makes as much sense as any other.
> 
> Even with Oprah as our leader and bacon and pizza rolls as holy food.
> 
> And something bout Rick Ross dying and coming back as a panda. Genius. We are genius. And now we can even tell people that we're religious and avoid unnecessarily arguments!


We should have a fight cub set up and "baptize" people who want to join the new religion by beating them to a pulp.  Welcome to baconism.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's what the people who left Egypt did (Exodus "Let my people goooooo"). They were getting their freak on, worshipping gold steer while Moses was getting the Ten Commandments.....they caused themselves more trouble than they bargained for :lol.


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## OGKush (May 3, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> That's what the people who left Egypt did (Exodus "Let my people goooooo"). They were getting their freak on, worshipping gold steer while Moses was getting the Ten Commandments.....they caused themselves more trouble than they bargained for :lol.


was this before or after God killed all the first born children of Egypt? :blank


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Interesting : )


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)




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## Implicate (Feb 1, 2011)

The word Baconism makes me think we should either worship Kevin Bacon or Tremors....


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Damn, you guys suck at keeping the story going...


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## frank81 (Dec 1, 2011)

And just when the world was plunged into wars and famine and all hopes were lost, the earth shook violently & the sky roared, and it rained bacons 3 days and 3 nights. And on the biggest bacon some words were written. "At exactly the time the bacon rain stops, a hungry man will pick up this piece of bacon, but eat it he shall not, as he will be energized upon touching this piece of holy bacon". 

So the bacon rain stopped and a skinny, hungry man went for the biggest bacon upon seeing the weird rainfall. When the hungry man saw the holy bacon and upon touching it, he felt in his mouth a taste so delicious it was not from this world, his stomach was suddenly full & he felt his skinny body was getting bigger. And all of a sudden he became a handsome man with six-pack abs. And immediately beside the holy bacon, he saw a weird book entitled Baconism, with a beautiful drawing of a bacon on it's cover, so beautiful it couldn't have been drawn by fellow humans. And as he flipped thru the 1st page of the holy book of Baconism, it read "And thou shalt spread my teachings of Baconism to all my fellow children". And thus it marked the beginning of Baconism, the holiest religion descended from heaven, known to all Godly realms.



And to my dear fellow Baconists, if you have not read the Holy Book of Baconism yet, go get a copy from your nearest Church of Baconism. As a fellow baconist, always follow these basic teachings of Baconism.

1) Pray to the holy Bacon everyday as it represents God.
2) Eat bacons daily. They shall provide thee thy energy to do thy jobs, and thou shalt feed them to thy wives and children. 
And they shall provide thee with the strength to win all and any wars.


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## frank81 (Dec 1, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> Damn, you guys suck at keeping the story going...


Beginning to agree :yes 
Y'all suck. :teeth


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## nooneknowsmyname (Feb 4, 2013)

This new god washes your plates when you leave them outside.


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## jc22 (Jul 5, 2012)

And thy faculties shalt be rendered decrepit by a pernicious and ambigious illness named Social Anxiety. Thee whom by which divine grace shalt be chosen should accept this honour dutifully since thine God has no mercy. Oh I have also left no clue as to if any of this is true. In fact all indicators point to the opposite. 


Amen


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

I might join in later if nobody gets turned into a pillar of salt.


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## jc22 (Jul 5, 2012)

I'd love for the truly absurd to happen to me


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

jc22 said:


> I'd love for the truly absurd to happen to me


 You and me both. I'd far rather be turned into a pillar of brown sugar, frankly.


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## jc22 (Jul 5, 2012)

Haha. That sounds much better.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

ItsEasierToRun said:


>


Humans can do what they want,as long as they bear the consequences :b


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## KevinInTexas (Jul 16, 2013)

L. Ron Hubbard had the same idea about creating a religion, even admitted that he was making it all up, yet still ended up with millions of followers. Go figure.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Convert to the Church of Raptor Jesus, heathens. 
http://www.freewebs.com/thechurchofraptorjesus/index.htm


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## Ryukil (Jun 2, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> :wtf


Watch out everyone, the Man's coming in to stomp on your freedom of expression!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

KevinInTexas said:


> L. Ron Hubbard had the same idea about creating a religion, even admitted that he was making it all up, yet still ended up with millions of followers. Go figure.


That "religion" is scarier than my bad church experience!


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

deesonjame said:


> Always thought it would be fantastic to create a new religion. Why don't we put our heads together and come up with a plausible story about a new religion?
> 
> Let me start off. In 1985, there was a man named David ...


I found "plausible" and "religion" being used in the same sentence to be hilarious.


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## Elros (Nov 17, 2013)

I don't like bacon, guess that makes me a heathen


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