# Setting progressively harder goals for myself



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I originally made a one-year list of monthly goals that got harder as the months progressed. The goals I had set toward the end were too terrifying for me and I was having doubts I'd be socially confident enough by then to accomplish them. So instead, I think I'm going to wing it and make it progressively harder as I go. Also, I think I'm going to do it in two-week periods.

*For the first two weeks 8/7-8/20*
*Go to the gym 2 times during the day - I normally go at weird hours to avoid people since they are open 24 hrs.
*Try to smile at two people
*Spend 10 minutes in a situation that gives me anxiety - Probably am going to sit on my front porch while the neighbors who don't like me are home


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I think doing it progressively harder it a very good idea . Don’t get discouraged if you can’t make your goal. Then you just need to tweak your plan it a little. 
Good luck on your journey to your better self!


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Skeletra said:


> I think doing it progressively harder it a very good idea . Don’t get discouraged if you can’t make your goal. Then you just need to tweak your plan it a little.
> Good luck on your journey to your better self!


Thanks  If I mess up on any of the goals, I'll try to not let it discourage me.

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Aside from the gym part, the first two weeks seem a little too easy on myself. Already tried to smile at two workers at the McDonald's drive thru this morning. Not sure I smiled well, but I can always practice with more people if I feel up to it. I'm not very good at smiling. They say people tend to smile when they see someone else smiling, so maybe I'll try to visualize someone else smiling or something that makes me happy when I try to smile.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Ugh getting off to a bad start. Tried practicing smiling on someone I know, and they found it laughing out loud funny. Apparently, my smiles are coming off as super creepy according to them. I wasn't trying to overdo it and I was trying to focus on things that would make me feel like smiling when doing it. This is making me feel very self-conscious about trying this more. Since they mostly just laugh when I'm doing it don't think they'll be much help(aside trying to smile when they don't know I'm practicing and seeing if they still react).

I'm told I should only do real smiles, but I've also read learning to smile at people helps with making friends. I try to make it genuine by trying to focus on something that makes me happy or laugh but doesn't seem to be helping. Maybe I'll have to try taking pictures of myself. Have already tried a mirror but it doesn't simulate not seeing your own smile while smiling at someone else.

Well either way I'm not giving up. This is the reason I worded the goal as, "Try to smile at people."


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

So this thing you have with smiling; is that out of depression, insecurity, or do you not get why people smile?
You might not be smiling with your whole face. A sad person or someone who doesn’t really understand it will smile with only the mouth, and have dead eyes or eyes that display a different emotion. That will often look “off”.
Can those people help you?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Skeletra said:


> So this thing you have with smiling; is that out of depression, insecurity, or do you not get why people smile?
> You might not be smiling with your whole face. A sad person or someone who doesn’t really understand it will smile with only the mouth, and have dead eyes or eyes that display a different emotion. That will often look “off”.
> Can those people help you?


I just don't smile that often around people I'm not very familiar with. I'm usually suffering too much with anxiety. I do tend to be depressed quite often. I also feel abnormal and inferior around most people socially. I consider myself interesting, at least with hobbies, but I feel like a weirdo socially.

I think she said my smile looked too intense and fake even though I was trying to not overdo it. When I managed to make it less intense, she said it looked like I was smirking. Don't think she'll be much help since she laughs every time I try. I got at least one smile past her when she didn't know I was practicing, so I'm not sure how much of it is her laughing just because she knows I'm practicing.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I don’t think she means it ill when she laughs. Maybe she just finds it goofy, but if it makes you uncomfortable it definitely isn’t the right way to go.
How about you start with a smirk, and build up to a smile over time?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Went to the gym today at 4pm. Was only there about 25 minutes. Had anxiety about going, but I survived. Didn't talk with anyone. It wasn't peak hours, but there were a lot more people than I'm comfortable with. Still one more time to go during the day next week.

My confidence on these goals working fluctuates constantly. I go from having hope of having a social life to feeling that no one will ever want anything do with me. Will keep trying though.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Skeletra said:


> I don’t think she means it ill when she laughs. Maybe she just finds it goofy, but if it makes you uncomfortable it definitely isn’t the right way to go.
> How about you start with a smirk, and build up to a smile over time?


She definitely goes overboard on the laughing and comments.

I'll give smirking and making it more of a smile a try.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

slyfox said:


> *For the first two weeks 8/7-8/20*
> *Go to the gym 2 times during the day - I normally go at weird hours to avoid people since they are open 24 hrs.
> *Try to smile at two people
> *Spend 10 minutes in a situation that gives me anxiety - Probably am going to sit on my front porch while the neighbors who don't like me are home


Went to the gym twice during the day. Didn't have much interaction with people though aside from saying hi to one of the staff and saying hi to an older guy who ignored me(older guy part is relevant because I'm more nervous around people similar to my age and younger). Both times were for about half an hour.

Tried smiling at about 5 or so people. Was all on the same day so next time I think I'll try to spread it out more.

Just finished sitting on my porch for 15 minutes. I made it 15 minutes instead of 10 because I felt like I was cheating doing it at 9am, even though the problem neighbor is an early riser. Had anxiety every time I heard a creak, because I'd think it was his wife or him coming outside to harass me.

*Next two weeks 8/21-9/3*
1. Go to the gym 2 times during the day
2. Try to smile at 4 people
3. Say, "how's it going?" to 1 person
4. Spend a total of 15 minutes in two situations that give me anxiety
5. 5 minutes participating in online text chat
Bonus = Ask someone a question
Big Bonus = Have garage sale during Labor Day weekend (doubtful I'll be ready in time)


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

It's awesome to see more posts like this on here lately. I love it! Keep it up.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Starcut83 said:


> It's awesome to see more posts like this on here lately. I love it! Keep it up.


Thanks, I'll do my best. Already feeling horrified about the difficulty in the future but planning to stick with it.
-----------------------------------
Just got done working on 2 of the goals for this period.

First sat on my porch for 11 minutes. No interactions with neighbors but I was nervous about the idea of a neighbor coming out and talking to me. To prevent myself from just heading in as soon as a neighbor comes out, I set a minimum time I have to stay out there. Today I set 8 minutes, but went a little over.

Next for the goal of text chatting with strangers I went on Omegle(puts you with random chat partner). First 3 chats ended almost immediately, but I managed to get the 4th one to go awhile. Someone was disconnecting from the chat evetime I said I was a male when they asked. The 4th person asked in the exact same way so I replied, "you again? male." They acted like they weren't the same person but I think I just caught them off guard. They kept mentioning there being no females on Omegle which adds to my suspicion. Either way I chatted a little bit, but politely left after a short while.

Know Omegle isn't a great place for chats but figured in a chatroom I'd either not participate enough or get buried in the activity. Either way my goal was for 5 minutes of text chatting and I was active on Omegle for about 8. Was nervous but stuck it out


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

slyfox said:


> *Next two weeks 8/21-9/3*
> 1. Go to the gym 2 times during the day
> 2. Try to smile at 4 people
> 3. Say, "how's it going?" to 1 person
> ...


1.Went to the gym twice during the day. It was close but I forced myself to get the final visit in today. First visit a guy started a conversation with me.
2. Tried to smile at 4 different people.
3. Barely finished this one. Was feeling awkward about saying "how's it going" to a random stranger. Took the easy road and said it to a cashier when I shopped today. At least I chose to go to a cashier to finish the challenge instead of using the self-checkout like normal.
4. Sat on my porch for 11 minutes and sat on a bench at a park for 12 minutes.
5. In a previous post I described my experience spending 8 minutes chatting on Omegle.
Bonus - While at a park I noticed a man feeding birds and squirrels. Since I've been trying to feed crows, I asked him if he had any luck feeding crows. Mentioned how they always flew away when I tried. He just said something about them being smart and that they'll find the food.
Big Bonus - Didn't get prepared in time.

*(3)Next two weeks 9/4-9/17*
1. Go to the gym 2 times during the day
2. Try to smile at 6 people
3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
4. Spend a total of 15 minutes in two situations that give me anxiety
5. 10 minutes participating in online text chat
Bonus = Ask someone a question

I was going to up the daytime gym visits to 3, but I'm anticipating the next couple of weeks being busy.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

slyfox said:


> *(3)Next two weeks 9/4-9/17*
> 1. Go to the gym 2 times during the day
> 2. Try to smile at 6 people
> 3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
> ...


1. Barely finished. Did both gym visits at the end of the final week. Also were quick visits around 15-20 minutes. Also avoided the locker room to add to the rush job. In the future I'll have to consider specifying that some of the visits have to be an hour+. Even though I made the workouts short I'm proud that I forced myself to go in one of the days, because it was busier than normal.

2-3. Got it all in not much to report

4. Spent 7 minutes sitting at a picnic table at a park which was near a frequented path. This morning spent another 10 minutes sitting on my porch. A neighbor came out while I was on my porch but not the one I have the most anxiety about encountering.

5. Spent 11 minutes on Omegle. All the "chats" were with bots or people trying for cybersex. Still gave me anxiety, so it was good practice. Might have to consider better places to chat with strangers.

Bonus. Went to a marina that had previously been full of crayfish. Because I had anxiety my dad had previously(July?) asked the harbor master(?) for me if I could catch crayfish there if I avoided areas with boats. He said it was fine. When I went back there was a different person. I honestly feel in hindsight I made a mistake, but to confirm it it was still ok, I asked her if I could fish for crayfish and she said no aside from a very tiny area at the far end. Either way there didn't seem to be any crayfish around, so even if I had been less restricted doubt I would've caught any.

*(4)Next two weeks 9/18-10/1*
1. Go to the gym 3 times during the day
2. Try to smile at 8 people
3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
4. Spend a total of 15 minutes in two situations that give me anxiety
5. 15 minutes participating in online text chat
Bonus = Ask someone a question
Bonus = Spend over an hour wandering the city/downtown

When winter weather comes, I'm thinking I'm going to have to take a break on some of these goals or have alternates. For example, the smiling and spending time in situations that give me anxiety I tend to do outdoors. Aside from grocery shopping I don't tend to go inside many public places. Only possibilities I can think of at the moment are the mall or library.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

[B said:


> (4)Next two weeks 9/18-10/1[/B]
> 1. Go to the gym 3 times during the day
> 2. Try to smile at 8 people
> 3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
> ...


1. Didn't go to the gym even once. First week I didn't try at all because I was dealing with some tough stuff in my life. Next week wasn't feeling great and the one day I made effort to go they seemed to be closed fixing the parking lot. Even though I failed this week, don't plan to lower my gym amount for next week. I need to stop making excuses because I can't let stress shut my life down this much.

2. Tried to smile at 10 people

3. Barely finished this one on the last day. Said it to three people while walking.

4. Spent a total of 18 minutes on my porch two separate times. The first time a neighbor came out but even though I was terrified they'd try to talk with me, I stayed on the porch for the 8 minutes I had planned ahead of time.

5. Spent a total of 21 minutes on Omegle. Only had one actual conversation. Would switch to chatrooms, but feel I'll have a harder time forcing myself to participate. Maybe in the future that'll be better practice though.

Bonus = Asked about buying Halloween coupons at McDonalds. Asked if they were only for kids. Had bought Christmas ones before in the past but the fine print had said only for children 12 years old and younger. She said these had the same rule, so I didn't buy them.


*(5)Next two weeks 10/2-10/15*
1. Go to the gym 3 times during the day
2. Try to smile at 10 people
3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
4. Spend a total of 15 minutes in two situations that give me anxiety
5. 20 minutes participating in online text chat
Bonus = Go to the gym an extra time during the day since I didn't go at all last time.
Bonus = Ask someone a question
Bonus = Ask the gym a question about my membership that I've been putting off

Only slightly increased the difficulty because I am anticipating a busy October


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

slyfox said:


> *(5)Next two weeks 10/2-10/15*
> 1. Go to the gym 3 times during the day
> 2. Try to smile at 10 people. Might be getting slightly better at this
> 3. Say, "how's it going?" to 2 people
> ...


1. Went to the gym 3 times. Barely got all the visits in. Keep making my gym visits short, just to get them in. So, in the next goal period I'm specifying that at least one of the visits has to be an hour or more.
2. Got at least 10 smiles in
3. Only got one in. Find it hard to force myself to say "how's it going?" to strangers. Either doesn't feel like a good time or they beat me to saying it. Will have to force myself to work on this one early so I don't run out of time.
4. Sat on my front porch two separate times for a total of 19 minutes
5. Only got 13 minutes total in on Omegle. Stuff came up today that prevented me from finishing, but I should've been working on it earlier in the goal period.
3rd Bonus = Asked a staff member at the gym a question about my gym membership renewing.

Decided to expand my goal periods to 4 weeks. Assuming I don't procrastinate a bunch, this should help me get my goals in despite a lot of hectic stuff I have coming up.

*Next 4 weeks (Oct 16th - Nov 12th)*
1. Go to the gym 6 times during the day
2. Go to the gym 2 additional times whenever I want
3. Try to smile at 24 people
4. Say, "how's it going?" to 5 people
5. Spend a total of 30 minutes in four situations that give me anxiety
6. 50 minutes participating in online text chat
Bonus = Leave my house twice without first checking if neighbors are outside
Bonus = Go to the community mailboxes while someone else is already there
Bonus = Spend at least an hour at the gym during one of the daytime visits.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

slyfox said:


> *Next 4 weeks (Oct 16th - Nov 12th)*
> 1. Go to the gym 6 times during the day
> 2. Go to the gym 2 additional times whenever I want
> 3. Try to smile at 24 people
> ...


Did everything well except for I was a couple minutes short on "*Spend a total of 30 minutes in four situations that give me anxiety*" and didn't do about half of "*50 minutes participating in online text chat*". The last few days of my goal period I was busy trying to unsuccessfully find some stray kittens a shelter/home. I made a lot of calls and talked a bunch(for me) to some neighbors. So, while I could've forced myself to get those remaining goals in, I was exhausted and figured I had gotten in enough socializing to make up for the little I had left to do.

I also did all of the bonus goals, which I feel more than makes up for it.

*Next 4 weeks (Nov 13th-Dec 10th)
1. Go to the gym 7 times during the day
2. Go to the gym 3 additional times whenever I want
3. Try to smile at 28 people
4. Say, "how's it going?" to 5 people
5. 60 minutes participating in online text chat
6. Leave my house three times without first checking if neighbors are outside
Bonus = Go to the community mailboxes while someone else is already there
Bonus = Spend at least an hour at the gym during one of the daytime visits.*

I removed the goal about spending time in a place that gives me anxiety, because winter weather is starting where I live, and it'll be harder to find places to go. In its place I added an extra day of going to the gym during the day. 

I've already gone to the gym once after hours and started on the smile and "how's it going?" goals


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

*(Nov 13th-Dec 10th)
1. Go to the gym 7 times during the day **- Only missed one visit to the gym*
*2. Go to the gym 3 additional times whenever I want** - Got all these in*
*3. Try to smile at 28 people **- Completed this*
*4. Say, "how's it going?" to 5 people - Completed this. Found it hard as usual
5. 60 minutes participating in online text chat - Didn't even try
6. Leave my house three times without first checking if neighbors are outside - Completed this 
Bonus = Go to the community mailboxes while someone else is already there - Didn't do
Bonus = Spend at least an hour at the gym during one of the daytime visits.* - *Completed this 2 or 3 times*

Have been feeling overwhelmed with some things in my life. I'm planning to take a partial break. Just to not undo my previous work I'm going to do simpler weekly goals for a while.

*(December 11th - December 17th)
1. Smile at 7 people
2. Go to the gym at least once at whatever time I want
3. Leave my home at least once without checking first for neighbors outside*


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