# Long distance relationships..?



## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

For people with experience:
1- Ever been in one?
2- Did it work out?
3- If YES, then what did you do to make it work? If NO, then why not?

For your own random opinion:
4- From what you've seen and what you think do you think they are worth it?

And any other comments you want to add just go for it. 

I dont need personal advice im single not in a long distance relationship, but im just curious guess u could say lol.


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## Moist Sun (Apr 16, 2010)

Yeah, I had one long distance relationship with a girl from Las Vegas - I live in New York City. This happened at around 2001, back in the days of AOL. I met her in a Las Vegas chat room (don't ask me why I went there because I don't remember myself).

It didn't worked out for several reasons. I had an emotional disorder that made me difficult to talk to at times. There were times when I felt depressed and she would respond, "awww" on the phone, yet I thought through her tone that she didn't cared; I would snap at her. Kind of weird and obnoxious looking back at it now.

Personally, I think long distance relationships are definitely not worth it. For one thing, you only interact with the person either through IM, voice chatting or phone, and maybe video chatting. But the experience of actually talking to a person face-to-face is radically different. It's amazing how the "dynamics" of a relationship radically alters when the couple takes another form of communication.

For instance, we started chatting through IM and it would go smoothly. But then we moved up to talking on the phone; typically, there were a lot of awkward silence: we didn't had any rapport and I mentioned about me snapping at her.

And I haven't even mentioned the lack of physical contact (not just sex, but also hugging, kissing, and cuddling), the cost of having to move to a new place along with the effort of adapting to a new city life. 

Better to seek someone who lives in the same city or town as you do.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I was in a semi-long distance relationship before. She was about a 2hr drive away so even though I couldnt see her every day I could still manage to see her every other weekend or so. She was in college so I could see her more when she came home on breaks. 

That situation was hard enough. I think if I couldn't see her for months at a time then we wouldnt be able to help but to grow apart. It is just too difficult to stay intimate over the phone or online. There will always be a critical part of the relationship missing. I'm not saying it can't be done I'm just saying it is extremely difficult. 

Unless there are some concrete plans to eventaully be together then what is really the point. In my situation I only had to deal with it for a year.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

LDR's stink.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I've been in ones before that didn't work. I really hope my current one works though


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I've been in one for over 18 months. Things have become very uncertain recently and being perfectly honest i'd say its unlikely it will survive for much longer, although part of me is hopeful and doesn't want to let go.

I see no reason why it can't work, but it's a lot more difficult than a normal relationship. In particular, if you aren't married to the person or have a family with them i'd say its even more difficult to sustain. 

I think it's very important to see each other as often as you can and you need to talk most days on the phone or internet in between. I think that it can't go on indefinitely and you will have to start living together within 1.5-2 years of meeting. Anything beyond that and one or both of the people will lose interest no matter how much you liked each other. 

You should try and set a goal for your relationship fairly early on, maybe the 6-8 months stage and get some concrete assurances from your partner that you will start living together in a years time. If you can't come to any agreement or the person is being evasive then i would strongly suggest calling it a day. 

I'd be wary of any family issues, like a reluctance to move away from relatives to live with you if you are unable to move to them or if the family would strongly disapprove of the relationship. This has been the case for me and it happened to a friend of mine a few years back.

There can also be problems with trust. If you are talking online or on the phone you can't always get a good impression about whats going on inside the other persons head, as you can looking them in the face. Also you won't get as good a picture as to who they're associating with and if theres anyone you have to watch out for ie someone that might be leading them astray.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

you all have some good points. interesting stuff. thanks


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

Yes I have been in one, and no, it didn't work. 

We knew each other beforehand, of course... we had a very intense week together, and then did the LTR thing for a few more months. 

But ultimately, there are a lot of things that people do in their daily lives and you can't figure out whether or not you'll be able to do those things together in a long distance relationship. You can talk, but it's pretty obvious that you can't actually do things together unless you live close to each other. 

I flew more than halfway around the world only to discover that the person I thought I was in love with didn't have patience for the neuroses I have in some social situations. This took all of about a week. I tried to be honest about it, but sometimes people hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. I guess I was also kind of ashamed and I thought I could get over it because I was in love.

I left absolutely everything, and got absolutely nothing.

So yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

I was in one for about three years. She was my first everything. We are not together anymore. I miss her terribly but I would not get into another long distance relationship. They are just not worth it.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

see? I told you LDR's stink.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Yeah they sound like a pretty bad idea.... lol


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^ I've been in a couple, and neither one was a good idea. Unless physical and mental torture is your tipple..

ok, a bit dramatic, but LDR's do suck for all kinds of reasons. Even the best of regular relationships distance wise are hard work. Double and triple that for LDR's. Sure, occasionally they work out (I've heard stories about a friend of a friend of a friend....) but I'd say they're far in the minority, the exception rather than the rule, and the odds are against them.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Oh its possible alright. If it wasnt possible then I wouldnt exist. My folks traveled 40 miles every weekend to be together, and have been together for 30 years now.

I've always believed that if you really want something enough, then you can have it. You just need to want it enough. I've been in love and would happily have walked off a cliff for the girl I loved.
Long distance realationships are very difficult on both parties. There will come times when you doubt the other person and its so hard to make it work.
Personally i think I'm a little too impulsive and crazy to make it work, but if you have the right people and they love each other enough, then Yes, it can work.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

It only works for soulmates.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

> 1- Ever been in one?


Yes.


> 2- Did it work out?


No.


> 3- If YES, then what did you do to make it work? If NO, then why not?


 Usual ****. She wanted to date me. Then she wanted to date someone else.


> For your own random opinion:
> 4- From what you've seen and what you think do you think they are worth it?


 No.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Again, I have to say - success, the exception, not the rule.

To really know someone, you have to see them dealing with all kinds of circumstances and situations, and be with them when they do it. Impossible online. 

messaging, emailing and so on is a very different form of communication than say phone, and certainly different from being in someone's actual presence. 

Relationships have their usual frustrations. Add to that the frustration of not being able to share your time, thoughts and even body when you would like with your partner, and the frustrations are worse. 

I think it's too easy to think that you know someone via online communication. You form ideas about a person, based on what's written, which can be edited, deleted, rewritten, and so on. You can easily think you know them and vice versa. All of it ain't necessarily so. it can be a shock. Or a pleasant surprise i guess, but again - exception.

Another thing LDR/online relationships will do is give a sense of urgency to everything. I think it encourages people to move things along too fast, due to the frustrations mentioned above, as in "I don't know when I'm going to get to see you again!" What shall we do? Move in together? I'll totally relocate, we'll do this, we'll do that - it can be very exciting at first, but after that comes reality, and you can find yourself in very close proximity to a person you don't really know, and you can find yourself asking, is this what I really want? And so can they. 

No. In my opinion, LDR's are not worth it. Soulmates? I suppose. how many of those are there? And how can you feel that someone is your soulmate that way? I suppose anything's possible, but I'd be willing to bet that feeling of "soulmates", if developed long distance, particularly online, is an illusion. Once again, the exception rather than the rule. 

I won't be involved in another one again. IF I get involved with anyone again, I'm going the old-fashioned route - I'll let it happen naturally, in that hopefully someone sees me, is around me somehow, decides they like me, and asks me out, and hopefully it develops into something from there. I'd much prefer that. I think I've pretty much experienced every method but that one.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

No they're not worth it at all.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

I saw my gf briefly by chance meeting this week. I have not seen her since Christmas.

I was hoping to make a date for tonight , but (as usual) her church has some long hallelujah retreat all day long.

The most frustrating thing for and S.Aer in a long distance relationship ... is that it often feels like you aren't in a relationship at all. After a while it begins to feel more like having a crush on some youtuber who lives miles away.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I wouldn't even bother with one, I twice had gfs who lived an hour away thats as far away as I'd go.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Been in one, but didnt work(partially due to that reason), its extremely difficult, unless someone is willing to move.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

heartscontent said:


> Yep I've been in one and we were apart for around 2, not back to back, years. so yeah, a really long time. And yes, it did work out and we're still together - yay! Honestly, I think it worked out because we had a really strong connection from the beginning and fell in love right away - I think we said our first "I love you's" about a month after we met. But, my advice to anyone in a LDR is to keep the communication open and strong. I think we managed to talk to each other almost every night (by phone and online). We also sent each other pictures sometimes and managed to actually see one another in person about once a month, but I think that the daily communication was the biggest thing that kept us going. That and the fact that we talked about our future together and could actually see an ending point to the long distance thing.


This is very optimistic and reassuring but still realistic :yes


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## JinxosGirl (May 8, 2010)

Hate them, hate them, hate them.
I was in one with my current b/f when he lived 3 hours away from me and was going to college.
HATED IT! I missed him like crazy, there was a time when I didn't see him for a month because he was too busy with school, he ended up having fun with friends and I missed out, I didn't drive or have a car so I couldn't go to him...talked on the phone for hours saying nothing but "I miss you"...
After a few months of that, we moved in together. SO much better =)


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## Stanpy (May 9, 2010)

They work in adults who don't live too far from each other.

But if you're a teenager dating another teenager in another country/far away in another part of the country you're in? Forget it. They always fail. I've avoided online dating, but I had online friends who dated other online people and they've all failed. They seem to go perfectly, but then one half starts to get bored or frustrated about their lack of proximity. BANG. It fails.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

leonardess said:


> Again, I have to say - success, the exception, not the rule.
> 
> To really know someone, you have to see them dealing with all kinds of circumstances and situations, and be with them when they do it. Impossible online.
> 
> ...


Makes a lot of sense.

I thought i had found my soulmate, the first week we chatted online felt amazing and i felt a connection i'd never had with any woman before. I even bragged about it to people and now i feel foolish for having done so. We were very smitten and i hadn't had a girlfriend for a long time, so even though part of me thought that this probably wouldn't lead to anything long term i decided to roll with it. We met after 3 months and it was a strange experience. She lived in a very different country so i was a little apprehensive about going and felt a bit uncomfortable during the first trip. She seemed quite a bit different in real life. On one hand she could be sweet and innocent, but on the other she could be moody and make issues about small things. The latter only became more evident when we met in person. However, i decided to stick with it and it did get somewhat easier as we became more used to each other in person. I don't regret doing it, on the whole it was a wonderful experience. I still love the person, but as the person is very reluctant to move it has reached its end it would seem.


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

TallGuy87 said:


> I was in one when my SA was at it's worst... The point where I was 18, didn't leave the house, was over 300 lbs and just basically thought that the world hated me. I was from Ontario, Canada and she was from Illinois. We met online through XBOX Live actually, became good friends since we both liked the same games. Than one day she told me she loved me, I figured she was messing with me but over time I began to believe her. I also fell for her when in my head I'm thinking "What the hell am I doing? This isn't going to work and I'm going to get hurt badly..."
> 
> I went to visit her twice for a week each time... We really hit it off and around her, my SA vanished completely simply because I had someone who genuinely cared and loved me for who I was and I just didn't care what anyone else thought about me. (I'm starting to tear up hardcore *deep breath*) I was always on her case though about her never telling anyone about her being in a relationship with me. I on the other hand told everyone I knew (my family and limited friends) I figured she was ashamed of me so I began walking and lost over 100 lbs so I could be in better shape and then maybe she wouldn't be ashamed of me. However she still never told anyone and her family ended up moving to Hawaii... A month later, she broke up with me. 4 years later and the countless promises of "I'll love you forever" and "We'll find a way to be together" that all meant absolutely nothing.
> 
> ...


Wow, that's rough! Either you're a good writer or something about your story struck me. I thought I was going to cry. Maybe it reminds me of what I went through at your age. It's really hard when you get caught up in something like that, and it doesn't work out. You took a huge risk for love, and I admire you for that. Don't let what happened with her prevent you from taking these risks in the future, and try not to let this one person dictate the trust you put in future people. Hopefully, sooner than later, you'll start to realize all of the good things you learned from this experience. At the least, you were motivated enough to get healthy and lose the weight! That's so awesome! I think you should delete her from your facebook. That's the only way I've ever been able to cope with break-ups...is to completely remove myself from seeing/hearing anything about them. It speeds up the recovery process for me.

Anyway, long distance relationships are very hard, especially when you have trust issues. However, if I feel a strong enough connection with someone, I will do anything to see where it goes. I am actually about to go see someone I'm really into that lives far away from me. Scary, but exciting!


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

TallGuy87 said:


> I was in one when my SA was at it's worst...
> 
> I went to visit her twice for a week each time... We really hit it off and around her, my SA vanished completely simply because I had someone who genuinely cared and loved me for who I was and I just didn't care what anyone else thought about me. (I'm starting to tear up hardcore *deep breath*) I was always on her case though about her never telling anyone about her being in a relationship with me. I on the other hand told everyone I knew (my family and limited friends) I figured she was ashamed of me so I began walking and lost over 100 lbs so I could be in better shape and then maybe she wouldn't be ashamed of me. However she still never told anyone and her family ended up moving to Hawaii... A month later, she broke up with me. 4 years later and the countless promises of "I'll love you forever" and "We'll find a way to be together" that all meant absolutely nothing.
> 
> I've only just recently deleted over 1700 e-mails I had saved from her over the years. I also saw an update on her Facebook saying that she's "In a Relationship" and her friends and family are all like "Congratulations on you first boyfriend" and I'm reading these comments with tears in my eyes thinking "What the heck does that make me than?" even though just a week ago she was saying that if I could find a way to move to Hawaii, we could be together again... I think she loves toying with me honestly and I'm debating whether or not to just remove her from my Facebook all together.


I'm not sure i understand. You were together for 4 years or did it end sooner and you mean you're still hurting 4 years since the beginning? If you managed to sustain it for 4 years having only met twice then thats impressive. I would try not to be too down about it. You got some experience of having a relationship and are young enough to move on and meet other women. Maybe you can learn from this experience as well to prepare yourself for the next one.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

kathy903 said:


> For people with experience:
> 1- Ever been in one?
> 2- Did it work out?
> 3- If YES, then what did you do to make it work? If NO, then why not?
> ...


1. Yes
2. Nope
3. The distance, it just makes things a bajillion times more complicated, specially when it's someone not from the same country because the sacrifices you would have to make in order for the relationship to work are massive not to mention to pain of trying to work out visas and so forth to eventually be able to live together.

Also being the age we are is a time where you should be concentrating on building a career and finishing studies etc and those would also both be greatly impacted.

It's really unfortunate and I so wish it could have worked but this is life, and I know speaking for myself I am really grateful for what we did have (and still do have as friends) and it has if nothing else given me a lot more confidence in myself.


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## dongiovanni (Jan 31, 2009)

I met my girlfriend here in SAS chat. It's been over a year now and I couldn't be happier. We live in different hemispheres so it's not been easy but I am finally moving to be with her this December.

I think LDRs can't work indefinitely, the trick is setting a date where you will be together. All the difficulties of LDRs are much easier once you have a clear date for when you will permanently be together.


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## kimcb7 (Mar 15, 2009)

dongiovanni said:


> I met my girlfriend here in SAS chat. It's been over a year now and I couldn't be happier. We live in different hemispheres so it's not been easy but I am finally moving to be with her this December.
> 
> I think LDRs can't work indefinitely, the trick is setting a date where you will be together. All the difficulties of LDRs are much easier once you have a clear date for when you will permanently be together.


I couldnt be happier either :b

I agree with my amazing boyfriend you have to have a date where you know you will finally be together. The thing that makes it work is really wanting to be with the person no matter how far away the are. If you really love them and they love you then it will work out.


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## STLien (May 7, 2010)

Yes, back when I was in college I was in one with a girl from Texas. My roommate kept complaining because of the phone bill every month. In time, it didn't work out, and ever since then, i'm not a fan of long-distance relationships at all. But who knows???


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## complex (Apr 22, 2009)

kathy903 said:


> For people with experience:
> 1- Ever been in one?
> 2- Did it work out?
> 3- If YES, then what did you do to make it work? If NO, then why not?
> ...


1. Yes
2. Nope :/
3. Being in two different days almost all of the time was pretty hard to keep talking and what not and still get sleep. Not living in the same country was a big issue but hey it would never stop me I am always open to making things work in life, but at the time I was busy with studies and what not... Need to be more put together before I even think about another relationship of anykind...


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

1. Yes.
2. No.
3. I don't know. It's pretty hard to pull the wool over my eyes, so that didn't help chances much.
4. Yes, if you click with the person and can make it work.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Don't be dream ruiners!


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## VoxPop (Nov 9, 2003)

-


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## Brit90 (Apr 30, 2010)

I think LDR are for different kinds of people. Much like the fact that not everyone does good with having "flings", not everyone does good with LDR. It definitely takes a lot of work from both sides of the relationship, but it's a big relationship builder if things do work out.

You have to build trust and actually get to know the person inside and out, because talking is all you really have. You can't really depend on just the physical like a lot of failing relationships do. 

However, most people just can't handle the distance, which is fine.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Stanpy said:


> They seem to go perfectly, but then one half starts to get bored or frustrated about their lack of proximity. BANG. It fails.


I'm not a teenager but I hope this doesn't happen to me because it has in the past.
We're 2 and 1/2 hours apart. I hope we can move closer to each other before he gets too tired of the distance. :um


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

kathy903 said:


> For people with experience:
> 1- Ever been in one?


Yes. I was in a relationship that could only continue by becoming long distance. When my ex moved to the States, I assumed it was over, but nothing was discussed and it continued, it seemed, by default. We'd only meet up every few months. I was good at handling it; too good.



kathy903 said:


> 2- Did it work out?


No.



kathy903 said:


> 3- If YES, then what did you do to make it work? If NO, then why not?


We weren't right for each other. We had _nothing_ in common. I could barely converse at that time. After a long while, I wanted to move on and date others, so ended it.



kathy903 said:


> For your own random opinion:
> 4- From what you've seen and what you think do you think they are worth it?
> 
> And any other comments you want to add just go for it.


I am very good with long distance, partly because I don't imagine the future. Someone tried to begin an online one with me once, but I didn't twig for a while. We exchanged a couple of video messages and photos and I finally twigged after receiving compliments. I don't like comments on my appearance and decided not to exchange photos again. I also did not want to fool around online and was seeing someone at the time. I wanted a long distance friendship, and would have been good at it, but it didn't work out because they were only after romance.

Another example that involved a lot of distance was when I was in love with someone I couldn't be with. I was good at handling that too.

They were all worth the experience. The last one changed everything for the better.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I was thinking of asking a girl out for a LDR. I've known her and talked to her for a couple of years online, we have some similar interests, she's nice. But I don't want to seem like a perv or a creep or more importantly destroy our friendship. I've always just spoken to her like a friend too, never flirted or anything which again might cause a shock if I come out and say something to her too strong and I'd hate her feeling awkward. She's been out with other people for LDR's before so I'm thinking that isn't a problem but I don't know how she would feel about me.


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

Been in one, didn't work out. Then got back together, been that way since September and tbh I think I've just set myself up for another fall *sigh*


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