# How to go to a concert alone?



## Orchid20

I'm tired of not going to shows because I don't have anyone to go with. I've missed way too many bands because I've felt too insecure to go alone.
But I just decided, f-- it. I'm not missing out on things anymore.
I read a quote somewhere that was kind of inspiring - "Going to concerts alone isn't sad, it's confident."

I'm going to head out soon to a concert. I'm planning on getting there just before the first band plays, so that I'm not standing around alone for too long.
I'm wondering, how do I go about approaching people in between sets? I don't want to stand their silently/awkwardly. I want to be able to at least make small talk with people standing around me. I'm never sure how to open conversation though. Once I say something, or someone else starts the conversation first, then it's fine. But leading up saying something gives me a lot of anxiety.

Does anyone know of any good "ice breakers"?


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## rdrr

Things you can ask/say to people:

"How many shows have you seen from this band"

"Whats your favorite song"

"Have you even been to a concert at this venue"

"What else music do you like"

"My friend was going to show up, but was sick at the last minute, but I decided to go anyways"

"Nice shirt, where did you get it"


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## Orchid20

thanks! my mind goes blank in these situations. :afr


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## rdrr

Ha, when I went to a concert alone I just stood there in between sets. You can do that too.


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## Orchid20

Well, it's a tiny venue that I'm going to. So I feel like that would look more odd, to stand there alone and quiet. Like, it would be noticeable that I'm there alone. But I might just be making it a bigger deal than it is.


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## Porterdog

When i go to concerts alone, i drink and smoke. Completely wipes the veil of SA and i find that people actually come up and small talk me. Its not worth going if your depressed/socially anxious tbh. but then again i usually go to concerts with mates


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## Orchid20

Porterdog said:


> When i go to concerts alone, i drink and smoke. Completely wipes the veil of SA and i find that people actually come up and small talk me. Its not worth going if your depressed/socially anxious tbh. but then again i usually go to concerts with mates


I don't smoke and drinking isn't allowed at this venue, so I can't use those as a crutch, which is probably a good thing anyway.

Soo I'm almost there (writing this from my iphone). Ahhhh. I'm going into this with a positive attitude though. I don't want to think "it's not worth it". With that kind of attitude I won't get anywhere.


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## GunnyHighway

Just try to remember that once the band starts playing, people aren't going to care about what/who is around them. (At least in my experience) I went to a single concert alone and I don't regret it. It was all floor space though (no seats), so I didn't really have anybody stuck beside me, they just went and came with the crowd. Hope you enjoy it!


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## atticusfinch

GunnyHighway said:


> Just try to remember that once the band starts playing, people aren't going to care about what/who is around them.


definitely keep this in mind.


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## foe

The hardest part to get through is the first hour or so before the opening act hits the stage. I usually just roam around the venue for a bit, especially the merchandising table/area. 

Once the music starts playing it doesn't matter, everybody is focused on the artists/bands.


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## akt

yep, i just sat there between sets. looked through my camera and phone to look busy. the people around me all were with someone and were talking so I felt weird trying to interrupt. if you see a guy alone and go up to try talking, what if his girlfriend then comes back from the bathroom or somewhere? doh!!! if you try talking to a girl sitting alone she might thinking you are hitting on her...not anything wrong with that, but if you aren't into that, then, you know...

sorry, I'm not much help...


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## thespider

As far as great places by yourself a concert has always been top of the list. 

No ones cares or knows who you came with. You can barely tell with the crowd. They are their for music. Also i always met a new friend whenever i go to a concert. Its not hard when you both are the same age, from the same area, and like the same msuic. go for it.


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## maninthebox

How did it go Orchid? 
I've done this before. When it is crowded it is no problem. If it's not, it feels a little awkward between sets. I usually time it so I get there before the band goes on (from the doors open time, add one hour, then add an hour for each opener). 

If it is a pretty geeky band I think others would like to talk to you, especially about the band. And especially in the front row where the biggest fans are. And maybe just my perception but girls seem to be more open to each other for talking, no? Guys are too cool to do that.

I read in an article that Jandek probably has the most tickets sold in singles (b/c it's hard to find someone who likes his stuff) so you aren't the only one...


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## Peter Attis

I've gone to concerts alone. It was fine.

It doesn't really matter if you're there with someone or by yourself. You're there to see a band. And your attention is going to be on that band. And nobody cares if you're there alone because all their attention is on the band.


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## Dov

most concerts I've been to its to loud to really talk even if you wanted to... so no one really cares and it tends to be dark also


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## Orchid20

maninthebox said:


> How did it go Orchid?
> I've done this before. When it is crowded it is no problem. If it's not, it feels a little awkward between sets. I usually time it so I get there before the band goes on (from the doors open time, add one hour, then add an hour for each opener).


The first hour was difficult. I felt awkward standing alone and (irrationally) like people noticed. I know, that's nutty. The breaks in between sets were the worst. The crowd kept going outside (it was really hot inside) where people were talking in packs or smoking cigarettes. No one tried to talk to me and I felt too insecure to approach anyone. I ended up calling my best friend twice and talking to him during the first two breaks. :\

Then things started to change. I decided to push myself and just start saying ANYthing to anyone. I started with the door guy, lol. I asked him some general questions about the venue and made sure to smile as I talked. Even though I wasn't saying anything very interesting, he was receptive and nice. Which I guess gave me a little bit of confidence. Then I went to the merch table and checked out different shirts. I turned to the girl at the table and stupidly blurted "Are these free?!" She laughed and that started a conversation.

Then I decided to stand by the stage and wait for the last band to come on.
I flipped through the photos on my camera and pretended to be really into that. Surprisingly, someone came up and talked to me then. Some guy asked about my camera and the bands, then introduced me to a group of 10 people or so he had come with. When asked why I was there alone I said a friend had flaked out at the last minute, ha.

So overall, not a bad experience. The first hour was rough but after I started blurting stuff to people and stopped caring it was fun. Then once I seemed relaxed, people actually came up and talked to me. Definitely going to do this more often. I'm really glad I met nice people towards the end. Kind of put all of my irrational beliefs to rest.


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## maninthebox

Orchid20 said:


> The first hour was difficult. I felt awkward standing alone and (irrationally) like people noticed. I know, that's nutty.


I think everyone here can relate to that. You're right, it is irrational.

Otherwise that sounds like a major success! I think I may have said a few words to someone once, but never was ambitious as you. Maybe the next time you say something subtle about exchanging contacts or catching a show with them again and you'll have a whole network. I knew a shy girl in college who didn't have friends but she made music fans the people she bonded with and now she has many (and like 700 on facebook)


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## SolaceChaser

Orchid20 said:


> The first hour was rough but after I started blurting stuff to people and stopped caring it was fun. Then once I seemed relaxed, people actually came up and talked to me. Definitely going to do this more often. I'm really glad I met nice people towards the end. Kind of put all of my irrational beliefs to rest.


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## GiveBlood88

Discovered this forum by asking google how to go to a concert alone. My friends either hate metal or dont like it as much as they did back in high school. But eff that I just bought my ticket for Amon Amarth Aug 12 and I cant wait. Thanks


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## jamesd

I have read a lot of depressing threads over the months on here but I think this one takes the cake. I could never go to a concert alone and I usually have zero problems doing things on my own in public.


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## BluButterfly

I don't know if I could go to a concert by myself...I'd feel so alone surrounded by that many people.


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## Zima

GiveBlood88 said:


> Discovered this forum by asking google how to go to a concert alone. My friends either hate metal or dont like it as much as they did back in high school. But eff that I just bought my ticket for Amon Amarth Aug 12 and I cant wait. Thanks


Amon Amarth!!!

who cares if you're alone man, have a few beers and bang your head!


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## thespider

a canibus concert i went to a few years back. I was alone and had a great time. Met a friend who i still talk to today.


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## FabledHero

Orchid20 said:


> Does anyone know of any good "ice breakers"?


The hardest part about initiating conversation is all mental. For example when people start talking to you, you don't think oh this person is dumb, why'd they say that, what a corny opener or whatever. I think you psyche yourself out by thinking they may think what you say is stupid.

At a concert to open a conversation after a great song you could be like, "wow wasn't that awesome?" Or ask them a question about how they got interested in the band or w/e. Obviously you have a lot in common to talk about given you're both at the concert. Mainly just don't psyche yourself out and put yourself in their situation, i'm sure they'd be glad to talk to you, as you would to them (maybe hehe).


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## FabledHero

Orchid20 said:


> Well, it's a tiny venue that I'm going to. So I feel like that would look more odd, to stand there alone and quiet. Like, it would be noticeable that I'm there alone. But I might just be making it a bigger deal than it is.


Maybe if you're standing alone in the corner, they might think what a loser. I bet if you were standing or seated in the middle, noone would even notice you're alone, except maybe the people next to you, but I doubt they'd care. Anyway, if they did at least it's only a few people. The concerts i've been to, I can't remember thinking, "oh what a loser that person is here by themselves." I think I have noticed a few people there by themselves, but not like I thought anything of it.


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## Nagarjuna

Look up how to build rapport. 
Focus on a few intentions or goals with regards to practicing it.


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## PickleNose

Orchid20 said:


> I'm tired of not going to shows because I don't have anyone to go with. I've missed way too many bands because I've felt too insecure to go alone.


 Personally, I think it's a bad idea to go to a concert alone. Even though you're surrounded by people they're all strangers and even if you befriend a couple of people they're not really friends you know for sure you can trust.


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## percyblueraincoat

PickleNose said:


> Personally, I think it's a bad idea to go to a concert alone. Even though you're surrounded by people they're all strangers and even if you befriend a couple of people they're not really friends you know for sure you can trust.


And nobody is talking about giving them the bank card details or keys to the apartment. Just about interacting with them and using the whole thing as some sort of experience of socialising and expressing confidence amongst people you haven't necessarily met before.

And all your friends were, at one point, strangers to you. So there's every chance one person you meet at a concert might, in the future, turn into a good friend. Or not. But it's an experience that pushes the comfort zone a little bit and can be very really rewarding.


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## Shazz

Im into metal too and thats why ive got no one to go with... Im getting my ticket for Stone Sour playing at Brixton Academy in December...


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## Solemn

Am I the only one who has a completely different point of view? I went to my first concert alone and have gone to them alone ever since. I ignore everyone else except myself and the band, they're the reason I'm there. It depends on the venue and the crowd, of course. I go to large stadium concerts, with an older crowd (my favorite band started before I was born.)


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## D3T0X

try to keep looking at your watch and act like your looking for somebody


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## reaal

i go to raves all the time by myself, its a good chance to relax, enjoy the music, and maybe meet some new people. most of my friends aren't into the same type of music i am. i know this is terrible but a lot of times i can use the drugs im on as a conversation starter, since so many people are ****ed up at raves. plus if someone starts talking to you and you need a quick escape route, you can tell them you are tripping hard and can't concentrate or something haha.


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## Uffdaa

rdrr said:


> Ha, when I went to a concert alone I just stood there in between sets. You can do that too.


I enjoy the people who are at ease with not needing to socialize.

Socializing is great but I wonder how many of the "normies" do it because they are not comfortable just chilling.

I love that one cool guy or gal that can socialize or just chill out against the wall all by himself.


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## Uffdaa

When I go to concerts with other people I spend very little time interacting with the other people anyhow. 

I had an extra ticket for classical music and took a friend. (free tickets)
She sat next to me and she really enjoyed it because she closed her eyes and smiled when she listened to it 

We didn't talk very much though. I mean do I need to bring somebody with me just so I don't have to sit by myself?

I've been to a few concerts by myself and with others. 

Sometimes I get separated from others at big concerts. In the end the truth is if we cling to the person we brought with us--well that person may not like to be clinged on to like a security blanket....that is just the reality is that THERE is no way to hide one's weaknesses forever. 

I sometimes would go listen to jazz...I wanted to hear the music....most people seem like they are more interested in talking to each other than they are listening to the music. It is nice when somebody came up and talked to me. It's hard to sit alone in small venues....even though some people can do it I have a hard time pulling it off.


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## Whimbrella

I've been to a few concerts on my own, for bands I really, really like, and sure I feel awkward, but I care more about seeing the performance - almost always I'm really glad I went because I got to experience that. 

I've never managed to strike up a conversation with anyone while I'm there on my own, although I'd be open to it if someone spoke to me. I just stand there in the middle of everyone and be a part of the crowd, I feel hidden that way. I usually notice that plenty of other people seem to be there on their own too. 

The worst bits are waiting for the start or between acts. But it's ok just to stick it out, and it passes, then the music is cool.


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## sanxiety13

If you do go, let me know how you make out. Im thinking about going to made in america festival alone.


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## mardymoo

I'm going to see muse by myself on Wednesday and I'm pretty nervous, I don't have many friends and couldn't get anyone to come and I'm just of the attitude that theres no point waiting around for people all your life so I'm gonna go for it. I'm kinda looking forward to it and don't care if people think I'm sad.


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## Arya481

Hi Orchid20, reading your experience gave me some courage to go to a concert alone. Mine is next Friday. It's my first concert too so I'm kinda nervous. I'm not sure what to expect so I wanna ask you something, is it okay to bring a backpack to the concert? 

I'm thinking about bringing a water bottle and to keep the merchandises I'm gonna buy.


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## That random dude

I went to the Bloc Party concert alone in feb and I won't lie I hated it, right up until bloc party got on stage and honestly through their set and afterwards I was the happiest person alive, its like that awkward period before hand didn't matter, even when I tell more sociable people I went alone they seem shocked, and say they probably wouldn't go alone. But if you're really into the band or group then who cares if you're with a group or alone.


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## ledzeppelin

mardymoo said:


> I'm going to see muse by myself on Wednesday and I'm pretty nervous, I don't have many friends and couldn't get anyone to come and I'm just of the attitude that theres no point waiting around for people all your life so I'm gonna go for it. I'm kinda looking forward to it and don't care if people think I'm sad.


I like muse too, I wish I could join you he he:yes


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## RGmay17

I'm really glad that I found this. I won tickets to a show and had called all if my friends- most of whom are unusually busy- and I thought it would mean that I would end up missing this. I'm going to go and see what happens, because I've missed too much by being scared to go alone.


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## tarzeena

I Googled "going to a metal show alone" and this thread was one of the search results.  My friend's band is playing this weekend and I really want to go, but my boyfriend is being a grump about it saying it will be lame and boring and he doesn't want to go, but I don't have any other friends I'd feel comfortable asking to go with me. I have not done one interesting or fun thing this whole summer, I just sit in the house watching TV with my boyfriend. I see this as an opportunity to get out and do something, even if it's just to see a friend's band. I'm just a little nervous about possibly going alone if I can't convince my boyfriend to go, because I know I will see a lot of friends/acquaintances there and I don't want them to notice me standing by myself, and they aren't good enough friends where I can just walk up to them and start talking. But I'm tired of missing out on things just because my boyfriend is too lazy to go and I have no one else to go with, so I'm determined to go to this show even if it means going alone. Reading the posts on this thread made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing.


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## TastelessCookie

I've only been to one concert alone and it was my favorite band so.. I didn't really care. It was cool, not a big deal. You know what you have in common with all these people, so it's easy to start a conversation.


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## tomschill

I've been to a Nine Inch Nails concert by myself during my most intense phase of SA.
Wasn't an issue at all. Somehow I don't get anxious if its really crowded and noisy.


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## Summer40001

I love Muse too. Their my favorite band. How did that concert go??  I'm thinking of going to a Muse gig some time soon alone as well (I have never been to one) :yes


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## Summer40001

Smile
I love Muse too. Their my favorite band. How did that concert go?? I'm thinking of going to a Muse gig some time soon alone as well (I have never been to one)


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## losteternal

I did a whole weekend at glastonbury on My own. My favourite singer was There and i didnt want Anyone spoiling It by moaning They were tired/hungry/feet hurting/ needed toilet.
I much prefer to go on My own and Really dont care If i look odd and friendless but i only go to see My favourite singer.

Well done op i Hope you Have many more great nights out!


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## theCARS1979

I want to go see Avril Lavigne and I will go alone to that too.


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## Valtron

I go to see plays/musicals by myself all the time. Once the show starts, you're not going to be talking to anyone anyway. Just turn your brain off and get lost in the show. Great escapism.


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## CHUGCOFFEE

I would love to go see John Mayer or Dave Matthews in concert but I have no one to go with... I would go alone but, I'm just not so sure I could handle all those people with their friends having a good time there... Makes me wish that there was just one damn person who would join me to go and be happy there... ugh just makes me depressed thinking about how I don't have any friends to be comfortable around or to go to concerts with ):
You are very brave to be going on your own, I applaud you


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## FUBAR

CHUGCOFFEE said:


> I would love to go see John Mayer or Dave Matthews in concert but I have no one to go with... I would go alone but, I'm just not so sure I could handle all those people with their friends having a good time there... Makes me wish that there was just one damn person who would join me to go and be happy there... ugh just makes me depressed thinking about how I don't have any friends to be comfortable around or to go to concerts with ):
> You are very brave to be going on your own, I applaud you


At big venues nobody really gives a ****. It may get awkward at really small venues though.


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## tayday

I just moved to a new city where MANY bands come to play frequently. Since I'm such a music lover and have never lived in an area where bands come, or even close to one, it would be really stupid of me not to jump on the opportunity right? Only problem is, I really haven't made any friends yet /:

All of your responses to this have been super helpful though! I think I can go it alone now  Might as well try right?


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## lampshadesonfire

Valtron said:


> Once the show starts, you're not going to be talking to anyone anyway. Just turn your brain off and get lost in the show. Great escapism.


Exactly. I avoid going to concerts alone for the most part, as I am not heavily agoraphobic but concerts do trigger anxiety/panic for me. It can be very awkward having to wait around, but trust me, it is worth it. You'd rather have the experience of going than having to carry the regret of not going all your life. I even went to a football match by myself once. Not sure where I got the courage from, but it was an amazing experience nonetheless. When you're in a crowd sharing a unique experience with others, it is a uniting feeling, regardless of whether you know them or not.


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## lordseshomaru86

I went to my first & only live concert this summer. I was scared of seeing someone I know there, but I just kept telling myself it was all about the music, nothing else matters, just rock out with my cock out!!! I got even got a complement from someone who said they were "digging my energy". Who knew I had energy?


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## blizzaire

Glad I found this thread, and I just made an account to respond to this. I bought 2 Hall and Oates tickets months back because I love Hall and Oates and I figured one of my friends would go with me. Zip! Nada! I was wrong. I even told my best friend he wouldn't have to pay me back for the ticket/drive/pay for gas. Nope. I feel very friendless and lame right now, but this thread has inspired me. No WAY am I selling both tickets and not going...I could have the most awkward/uncomfortable experience ever, but it wouldn't be anything compared to how long I would feel just not going.

To Orchid who started this discussion, I'm glad you had a great time (like 4 years ago, lolz). If I can't find somebody to go with me to this concert, I'm going alone. Screw everybody!


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## doe deer

lol this is old but anyway i'm going to a concert alone today and i'm really nervous. i always rely on someone to go with me but no one wants to go this time. i rarely see anyone alone at the concerts, it's usually people in groups so i feel too awkward to approach them and i don't want to bother or cling to anyone. the worst part is waiting for the band and waiting until the opening act is over, i never know what to do. i'm such a coward i almost thought about selling my ticket to someone but i love the band and i'll force myself to deal with anxiety.


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## noydb

@doe deer
I've been to plenty of concerts alone and always had heaps of fun. The anticipation is the worst part, but once you're there it'll be a blast!


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## doe deer

noydb said:


> @doe deer
> I've been to plenty of concerts alone and always had heaps of fun. The anticipation is the worst part, but once you're there it'll be a blast!


 it was amazing, the waiting was a bit awkward but overall i actually liked it better than previous concerts where i was with other people.


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## noydb

doe deer said:


> it was amazing, the waiting was a bit awkward but overall i actually liked it better than previous concerts where i was with other people.


:grin2: Awesome! Glad you had a good time!


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