# Is it wrong to want sex just because you want to experience it?



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously. 

Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.

Is this wrong to think? I'm not trying to be disrespectful to all women but I do find it important to be able to have the opportunity to have sex and I wish I knew women who want that without the commitment and we just have some fun no pressure added, but use protection. Isn't there women who want this too because they have trouble finding men who only want commitment?

Not hookers though. 

It's cruel not to be able to act on feelings like this, bad for mental state too. It's a known fact sex relieves stress and mentally being close to someone is a comforting feeling.

I tried looking for dating sites that have sex mentioned but I can't find a woman who wants me I did try asking a few. how sex and dating are together on same site I'll never understand they are two different experiences.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

keithp said:


> Is it wrong to want sex just because you want to experience it?


It's no more wrong than wanting to experience flying in an airplane or swimming in the ocean.



keithp said:


> Isn't there women who want this too because they have trouble finding men who only want commitment?


There is no shortage of men who don't care about commitment.

So, what you will be looking for here are women who have trouble finding men [full stop]...

If all you want is to experience sex, then post an ad on Craigslist and 'take what you can get' (and take basic security measures to ensure you don't wind up getting robbed).


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Just Lurking said:


> It's no more wrong than wanting to experiencing flying in an airplane or swimming in the ocean.
> 
> There is no shortage of men who don't care about commitment.
> 
> ...


The part about women not finding men depresses me because I need women more than they need me I guess. Pathetic

I don't trust craigslist Unfortunetly that's out


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with it. The dating sites just have different types of connections, relationships, casual etc. Just keep trying. Asking is half the battle, but I wouldn't mention wanting to experience for the sake of it specifically, just a hookup for fun.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Women have higher standards for one night stands than they do for relationships. 

Women are much less likely to orgasm from casual sex compared to relationships.

Lots of women want a relationship anyway. It's like eating half of a chocolate bar.

I just don't think many women see it as being worthwhile honestly. Some will, but as I said, they generally have higher standards anyway for just sex.

What I'm saying I guess is, keep trying if it's what you really want, but don't be too put out if you can't find anyone - in particular anyone you personally find attractive if you have specific tastes in women.


----------



## alenclaud (Mar 31, 2013)

It's a natural response, so there's nothing wrong in wanting to experience it casually. It may be "bad" for you, however (and this is my own opinion), if you get addicted to it, as any addiction is bad for you. And, of course, there are standards and principles in society, which women tend to commit to more than men. But if you wish to have the experience casually with someone who wants the same thing, go ahead and don't worry about it; just take care and be safe.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Women have higher standards for one night stands than they do for relationships.
> 
> Women are much less likely to orgasm from casual sex compared to relationships.
> 
> ...


Just getting naked and making out or touching her body is fun too, or she can do fellatio if she doesn't want intercourse. Even dry humping. Mabye that is easier to find someone to do that?

I understand it's a challenge for men in my situation though.


----------



## FriedChicken (May 18, 2013)

keithp said:


> I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously.
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.
> 
> ...


Only seeking sex from women is not disrespectful. It all depends on both parties' motives. If she is expecting a relationship, then hooking up with her is not a good idea because you're giving her the wrong message. I've seen many friends do this before. They know a girl likes them and they only want sex with the girl so they hook up with her. She keeps seeking a relationship when they consistently reject the idea.

If both you and the woman are not expecting a romantic relationship by hooking up, then it's all good. Wanting to have sex is normal for men and women. Have fun and discover what you like in the bedroom.



keithp said:


> I understand it's a challenge for men in my situation though.


What is your situation?


----------



## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

As raw as this sounds, it's perfectly natural to want to bust a nut.
We are animals and are hardwired with the physical urge that is intended for reproduction.



keithp said:


> I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously.
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.
> 
> ...


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

keithp said:


> The part about women not finding men depresses me because I need women more than they need me I guess. Pathetic
> 
> I don't trust craigslist Unfortunetly that's out


I hooked up with somebody on okcupid. It was pretty lucky. That was when I found out that casual sex wasn't for me because I could feel the desire to want to see her again. Maybe it was because she was a 97% match.


----------



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

No, it's not wrong hun 

Sex with someone you really like is.....


Oh wait, I've only experienced it with losers. My bad :lol


----------



## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

There's a good amount of sexually repressed fat chicks on dating websites. I'm sure you can find one tonight if you put in effort.


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Imbored21 said:


> Staff Edit


The fact that you think it's about sex is laughable. The fact that you demeaned women based on their physical appearance as being more available to meaningless sex is what I took more issue with.


----------



## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

KyleInSTL said:


> @;
> 
> The fact that you think it's about sex is laughable. The fact that you demeaned women based on their physical appearance as being more available to meaningless sex is what I took more issue with.


When did I demean women?? It's a well known fact that fat women inn general get less sex. As do shy men. It's just how the world works, love. Maybe it's meaningless to you, but not everyone views it like that. You get an orgasm, an ego boost, and up your bang count. PLus OP is a virgin who wants to experience it. That's not meaningless at all.


----------



## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

vicente said:


> I hooked up with somebody on okcupid. It was pretty lucky. That was when I found out that casual sex wasn't for me because I could feel the desire to want to see her again. Maybe it was because she was a 97% match.


Damn i put a worldwide search once fur the hell of it and it only had one over 93% and she was in Europe i don't remember where. oh well.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Imbored21 said:


> There's a good amount of sexually repressed fat chicks on dating websites. I'm sure you can find one tonight if you put in effort.


I've been rejected by them too, not saying all are fat and some big girls seem average to me it's just opinion I guess.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I've joined sites where girls post naked pics and videos doing all sorts of sexy things, but it's not enough anymore it gets boring. Being able to touch excites me more.


----------



## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

Stop thinking of women as objects purely to stick your **** in. Like, they are just human. Once you treat them like people, it should take some of the pressure off.


----------



## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

Kanova said:


> Stop thinking of women as objects purely to stick your **** in. Like, they are just human. Once you treat them like people, it should take some of the pressure off.


I think he does. He probably falls in that shy nice guy category like so many guys on here that woman don't exactly go for.


----------



## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

Nothing wrong with it at all, as long as the intent and circumstance is mutually understood between the parties involved.

Personally, though, I do not have a disposition toward pursuing casual and/or one-time sex.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

keithp said:


> Not hookers though.


Why are you an anti-hookerite?



keithp said:


> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.


You realize this is why hooking was invented, right?


----------



## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

keithp said:


> I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously.
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.
> 
> ...


I feel it's completely wrong. Settle down and wait for someone special man...that kind of thing comes with a lot of risk and responsibility. My advice is to not take it lightly. I regret a lot.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

You have major blue balls mate. 

I lost my virginity at 19, it was more awkward than good. 

I think if you make your virginity such a known problem and such a priority in your life then it actually makes you seem desperate. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting sex just because you want to experience - we humans are designed with it. 

Now, some advice.

You look like a nice guy (judging by your photos) and you probably have a decent personality. With that, your best bet is to develop a connection/friendship to females - if a girl doesn't like that you're shy, then probably not the best idea to try and date her. If a girl doesn't mind and actually likes you (like in a romantic sense)for who you are then your chances are good. If the girl that likes you is shy herself, well I have some bad news to break to you mate - you have to take the steps approaching her - most likely she won't. Dating is naturally awkward for humans- shy or not- and if you make a mistake - (I make plenty of mistakes) - but you learn from your mistakes 

The biggest tip for you mate is NOT TO BRING YOUR SEXUAL ISSUES to the forefront when establishing a relationship with females - it makes you seem like you only want to use them as your sexual release and it actually creeps MOST of them out. I know someone who keeps talking about their virginity and it has become creepy/annoying. To be honest though if you genuinely like the girl for who she is then the emotional bond overrides your sexual desires - I love my girlfriend and though the sex is amazing, it's not only thing to our relationship. 

It might be old advice but I recommend keeping busy with your life, finding pleasures not sexually but in hobbies - things that give you drive in life. Have you tried joining a gym to work on your fitness goals? Have you tried eating food that you've never tried before? Have you gone to a place you'd never have gone to before? Have you played that video game you heard about or saw that movie that everyone keeps talking about?

There's plenty to do with such little time on Earth, best make the most of it rather than be sexually frustrated.


----------



## Gentlecrab (Apr 14, 2013)

If you really really need to get with a girl with no effort involved, backpage.com and choose which ever girl you want preferably out calls only. It's not cheap though and just make sure you wrap your tool.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Gentlecrab said:


> If you really really need to get with a girl with no effort involved, backpage.com and choose which ever girl you want preferably out calls only. It's not cheap though and just make sure you wrap your tool.


I looked at that definetly hot women on there! But I heard it's a few hundred for like an hour or two, I don't have that kind of money. The world is a cruel place I can't even pay to get with a girl but if I could I would the normal way hasn't worked.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> You have major blue balls mate.
> 
> I lost my virginity at 19, it was more awkward than good.
> 
> ...


Good advice. You're the hero this forum deserves, not the one it needs right now. The silent guardian, a watchful protector, the dark knight.


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

MoveAlong91 said:


> I feel it's completely wrong. Settle down and wait for someone special man...that kind of thing comes with a lot of risk and responsibility. My advice is to not take it lightly. I regret a lot.


Not this. Why does it have to be "someone special"? And then he waits, and waits, and waits...."someone special" comes along, but he's inexperienced and now he's worried that he'll be rejected for that inexperience, and turns her off.

No.


----------



## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

caveman8 said:


> Not this. Why does it have to be "someone special"? And then he waits, and waits, and waits...."someone special" comes along, but he's inexperienced and now he's worried that he'll be rejected for that inexperience, and turns her off.
> 
> No.


If she doesn't get or understand him even after he tells her he's not experienced, then she's not so special after all, right? Why be with someone who doesn't get you...just a waste of time.


----------



## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

MoveAlong91 said:


> If she doesn't get or understand him even after he tells her he's not experienced, then she's not so special after all, right? Why be with someone who doesn't get you...just a waste of time.


You're living in a fairy tale, bro. There's no special someone, no special people.


----------



## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

Try friends with benefits


----------



## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

Bored Alien said:


> You're living in a fairy tale, bro. There's no special someone, no special people.


Then what's the point of even trying in a relationship, bro... lol. There's no point in even doing anything with the opposite sex if you think that way haha


----------



## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Why does someone have to be special to want to bang them? Biological imperative tells my body to want to **** pretty much every hot chick i see. Conscious thought that's been ****ed up by thousands of years of social derangement put it in my head to want to do it with someone special and whatever. I finally killed the last of that from my head i think and i feel much better. I always knew there's no one special in the world, just had to go through a depressive episode where i was coming to grip with reality.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

keithp said:


> I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously.
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.
> 
> ...


No it's not wrong. I think society puts a lot of pressure on men to have sex. I don't think many women realize this. Men who aren't able to have sex are looked down upon and shamed, and it's natural to want to feel like you're a normal male and get to experience what other men pride themselves on experiencing.


----------



## member123 (Apr 24, 2015)

I dont think so...


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Bored Alien said:


> Why does someone have to be special to want to bang them? Biological imperative tells my body to want to **** pretty much every hot chick i see.


Yep


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

vicente said:


> No it's not wrong. I think society puts a lot of pressure on men to have sex. I don't think many women realize this. Men who aren't able to have sex are looked down upon and shamed, and it's natural to want to feel like you're a normal male and get to experience what other men pride themselves on experiencing.


Yes 100%! Except the pressure, I wanted sex despite what anyone thinks of me, the feeling comes naturally.

I think I'm too aggressive or come across that way to women, if I think about sex I'm very confident about it and know what I want. I need to find a wild women who's not fearful of dominance or slight aggression because this seems to deter the ladies with me, when I thought confidence in myself for this would of been good but I guess not? It's so confusing lol.

My mind is I like a girl I see I want to get intimate with her, for men intimacy equals closeness so it's also about the social exoerience not just the good feeling. Women find that hard to understand but they probably think the same way they are just more choosy about it where men aren't as choosy. Really we both want the same thing in the end.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

keithp said:


> Yes 100%! Except the pressure, I wanted sex despite what anyone thinks of me, the feeling comes naturally.


 That's probably true, since it's a biological drive. But I think that women would probably have more casual sex if society didn't pressure them in against having it ("Sl**-shaming").



keithp said:


> My mind is I like a girl I see I want to get intimate with her, for men intimacy equals closeness so it's also about the social exoerience not just the good feeling. Women find that hard to understand but they probably think the same way they are just more choosy about it where men aren't as choosy. Really we both want the same thing in the end.


Intimacy doesn't necessary mean sex. I'm that way too. I want to feel physically and emotionally close to somebody I'm attracted to.


----------



## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

vicente said:


> That's probably true, since it's a biological drive. But I think that women would probably have more casual sex if society didn't pressure them in against having it ("Sl**-shaming").
> 
> Intimacy doesn't necessary mean sex. I'm that way too. I want to feel physically and emotionally close to somebody I'm attracted to.


I understand intimacy doesn't mean sex. But what girl allows you to touch her and feel her or "only" do that I imagine it's strange just to ask to touch her, a friend that's a girl won't allow that, only a girlfriend so I still need to get a girlfriend to do any kind of female touching or sex.


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

keithp said:


> I think I'm too aggressive or come across that way to women, if I think about sex I'm very confident about it and know what I want. I need to find a wild women who's not fearful of dominance or slight aggression because this seems to deter the ladies with me, when I thought confidence in myself for this would of been good but I guess not? It's so confusing lol.


Try saving the dominance/aggression for the bedroom. And don't confuse personality outside the bedroom with personality inside. Even the shy girls, once in bed, can change pretty drastically.


----------



## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

keithp said:


> I've never been sucessfull on getting a date. So I've never had the chance to be intimate and close with a woman. I'm frustrated, I'm clearly attracted to women and think of sex when I see a beautiful woman because I want to touch her and be close but I can't obviously.
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was a safe way just to hook up for sex only because I want to have sex and get my feelings out, even if I'm not commited to the woman just a mutual sexual encounter.
> 
> ...


I hate to say it.. but there really is nothing safe about sex, with a stranger:no & i understand, it's hard to find someone, & i don't judge you.. or others who are into such, but.. in my opinion, i don't think there's anything fulfilling about a hookup, because that's basically what it is.. & i don't know much about women, but from what i've seen, many women want a commitment, if not marriage.. a relationship. Yeah, you'll find a girl.. but when it comes to a hookup, i wouldn't expect to find a perfect +10. Especially if it's not supposed to mean anything, there are hot girls.. but i'd expect that people are more picky, compared to something not based on just sex, anyways.. why go the stranger route? i know it's not nearly the same, but why not watch porn.. or just jack off to a picture? these days with everyone into random hookups thanks to _Tinder _& other apps, you also have to worry about the amount of partners a person has, & let's not forget about the possibility of someone having an STD, or the chance of getting someone preggers, not saying this will happen to you, but i just wonder if people consider this stuff before they sleep with a random person, regardless of how horny they are. But to answer your main question, it's not a crime to want sex.. we are human, it's a natural response, but like i've stated; doing it with a stranger out of lust/horniness, i just don't think is a good idea.. but that's just me, but whatever makes you happy i suppose, i hope it doesn't come off like i'm judging, if so.. i apologize.


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Nope. That's normal.


----------



## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

Hehe nothing wrong with that. Although, I don't think someone would give you sex without them seeing any benefit for themselves...


----------



## EvonneEzell (Jul 14, 2014)

No, it's perfectly fine. However I do feel like a freak or a weirdo for wanting that too.


----------



## CW2015 (Feb 17, 2015)

EvonneEzell said:


> No, it's perfectly fine. However I do feel like a freak or a weirdo for wanting that too.


Why do you feel like a freak?


----------



## EvonneEzell (Jul 14, 2014)

CW2015 said:


> Why do you feel like a freak?


I grew up ina strict Christian household though my grandmother preached the abstinence to me. My mother who was a teenage mother didn't in fact she actually thinks I'm a freak( or a lesbian) for still being a virgin at 18!! Im just confused about my actual beliefs and thought s and morals...


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Yeah, using someone for personal gratification is wrong. 

To be honest, I think the old ways where you only had sex after marriage are better.


----------



## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

No not as long as you are both on the same page so to say and she is aware there are to be no strings attached.

Personally at this point I'm nowhere near recovered enough to go out and hook up with anyone randomly. And I don't really want to either. I'd rather have a girlfriend for many other reasons but also cause hopefully she would understand why sex might be tricky in the beginning, with the anxiety killing the lust and all. Sometimes seems like I'm wired differently than other people cause most people on here seem to be capable of having and enjoying sex despite their anxiety.


----------



## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

caveman8 said:


> There is nothing wrong with it. The dating sites just have different types of connections, relationships, casual etc. Just keep trying. Asking is half the battle, but I wouldn't mention wanting to experience for the sake of it specifically, just a hookup for fun.


so lying is okay for the sake of ****ing? :sus


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

AngelClare said:


> Yeah, using someone for personal gratification is wrong.


 In that case, billions and billions of people have been conceived the wrong way. I'm 99% sure an orgasm is required for conception to take place.


----------



## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

It's ok. I think it's ok to have sex just for whatever reason so long as you aren't being deceptive about it.


----------



## CW2015 (Feb 17, 2015)

EvonneEzell said:


> I grew up ina strict Christian household though my grandmother preached the abstinence to me. My mother who was a teenage mother didn't in fact she actually thinks I'm a freak( or a lesbian) for still being a virgin at 18!! Im just confused about my actual beliefs and thought s and morals...


You're only 18 you might meet someone in a few years time and be glad that you waited  It might seem like everyone is having sex trust me they are not!


----------

