# What goes on in a woman's head during a date?



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Besides "how do I look?" (answer: you look great, and no, we didn't notice that pimple) and "I don't want him to think I'm easy or desperate" (answer: if you're dating a guy with SA, I doubt he is going to try to get laid on the first date).

Do women worry about what guys think of them, or do they mostly think about whether the guy is good enough for them?


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

No, most women don't give on a first date.

Oh, I misunderstood you.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I cannot speak for all women because "women" makes up a pretty diverse group of people. However, I can tell you what I usually think when on a date:

1. What should I talk about without sounding like an idiot or the most boring person on earth?
2. Is he going to kiss me or touch me? Do I *want* him to kiss me or touch me?
3. Am I going to get rejected again?
4. Did he just look at that other girl?
5. I hope he doesn't get perverted.... cause I really don't know how to handle that...
6. I seriously hope I don't fall down or spill a bunch of food on my shirt like last time....
7. I need to pee but will he think its weird that I pee so much??
8. It's kinda creepy getting in a car with a strange man I don't know very well... I wonder if that's a good idea or not....
9. Is this guy employed? because I really don't want to get with a guy like my dad...
10. Is he wanting something long-term? or is he just looking for sex?

Though you said not to list worries about appearance, I'd say about 50% of my thinking is about what I look like. A lot of times I don't know if I am ok because I hate wearing dresses and I wonder if a man would prefer me to wear one.

Also, I do try to see if the guy is "worthy" but its not based on whether he is some kind of millionaire bussiness man who models on the side. If he seems overly perverted, rude , insults me or spends the entire date talking about how much of a ***** his ex was then I really don't want to be with a person like that and prefer to end it right then and there before it goes anywhere. If he doesn't pay attention to me or seems disinterested I am not going to allow myself to invest in this emotionally. 

I do judge on whether a man is employed or not, but I don't expect a rich man. I just want to know that he WILL work. The reason for this is personal - I had a deadbeat father and I'd hate to think that any future children would have to suffer the same thing.

Hygiene is important for me. I notice how a man smells much more than his appearance.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Would you judge him if you asked him why he wasn't employed, and he said he had SA?

Would you ask him about past partners, and he said he had none...what would you think?


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

That is a completely unanswerable question. It varies on the woman, the man, the place, the weather, etc etc.


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## Lyndzro (Dec 10, 2010)

I wouldnt judge a man for not having previous relationships but maybe for not having a job as I have SA and manage (just about) to work. It wouldnt turn me off completely but I would be asking more about why and what he'd like to do etc. I've only been on one "date" before and I was constantly thinking of things to say, as he was quite shy too and we struggled for conversation.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> Would you judge him if you asked him why he wasn't employed, and he said he had SA?
> 
> Would you ask him about past partners, and he said he had none...what would you think?


If he had SA I would not judge him. However, I have SA , was once a shut in for ten years, and I didn't allow it to defeat me though. I'd be supportive of a person like that, but I don't think I could take care of anyone because I don't have anything (I can't drive a car!) because *I* have SA. I would still probably like him though.

I don't want to know about past partners. The only thing that would do (if he had partners) would make me wonder if she were better/prettier than me and if he was just settling for something less. A guy who talks about his ex's all the time is a total deal-breaker for me.

On the other hand, I'd think a guy who hadn't had a partner before would be awesome. I'd think he'd be super passionate and not judge you according to other females.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Idk if I am the usual woman but this is what I generally think:

Do I look cute
I hope I don't look fat
Am I boring the living day lights out of him
Gosh he's cute/any other positive adjective (If it's a good date)
This guy is a fricken retard (Bad date)
Is he going to kiss me, this could get weird (Or be AWESOME! depending on date)... 
I would like to do this person .. hahaha (Sometimes)

This is why I hardly go on dates LOL!!! I'm crazzaay


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

vicente said:


> Do women worry about what guys think of them, or do they mostly think about whether the guy is good enough for them?


"Good enough" isn't the best way to put it...
Either is "worry"...

I _wonder _what they think of me...
And I also gauge how attracted I am to them, how they look, dress, etc...


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## CourtneyB (Jul 31, 2010)

I think this video is helpful, I always like her advice.
(She accidently skips #9)


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Pretty much the same things that go through a guy's head. Beyond that it depends on the person.



> I wouldnt judge a man for not having previous relationships


I wouldn't so much judge as just not be as interested. Both genders tend to be very clingy in their first relationship and you learn just as much from a failed relationship as a good one. I'm glad that marriage means I don't have to take anyone through first relationship training again.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

I suppose, are they employed, how educated are they, do they find me attractive, am I boring them, who's going to pay the bill, how many relationships have they had...not necessarily in that order.

I wouldn't hold it against the person if they never had a relationship.

As for the employment situation, if you are unemployed for extended periods of time, If you can't take care of yourself I don't see why you want to bring someone else into your life. Its probably a better idea to get your stuff together first, because most people are unlikely to want to support you financially.


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## kentcharm (Feb 2, 2011)

On a date, a guy can **** up immensely and I wouldn't notice. Most girls are totally focused on what they themselves are doing and how they are behaving. However, there is always the occasional chick who is totally confident in herself and her looks, and they are completely focused on the guy they are on the date with. Alas, this is pretty rare. I have yet to meet a girl whom isn't insecure about their looks/personality. 

Honestly, the best date I could ever have would be where it felt natural and easy. No forced conversation or insecurities. To achieve this, its best if you start as friends and 'work your way up'. I would never date a guy if I couldn't see myself being their best friend.


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## stewie (Feb 11, 2011)




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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

Sindelle said:


> I cannot speak for all women because "women" makes up a pretty diverse group of people. However, I can tell you what I usually think when on a date:
> 
> 1. What should I talk about without sounding like an idiot or the most boring person on earth?
> 2. Is he going to kiss me or touch me? Do I *want* him to kiss me or touch me?
> ...


#9 lmao TAKE IT YA POPS IN JOBLESS?


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Sindelle said:


> 1. What should I talk about without sounding like an idiot or the most boring person on earth?
> 2. Is he going to kiss me or touch me? Do I *want* him to kiss me or touch me?
> 3. Am I going to get rejected again?
> 4. Did he just look at that other girl?
> ...


This sums is up pretty well for me, especially 1, 2, 5, 8 and 10.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

They are thinking of ways to devour your soul.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

All women think about is taking their clothes off, and then brainwash us guys into also thinking that... It's really clever, and I'm starting to think I'm the only one who's caught onto it.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

BetaBoy90 said:


> All women think about is taking their clothes off, and then brainwash us guys into also thinking that... It's really clever, and I'm starting to think I'm the only one who's caught onto it.


 No, you're not the only one brudda. I SEEN IT!

After I slipped ruffies into a womans drink and proceeded to date rape, I realised I was the one being raped! Crazy stuff. Wild, crazy stuff those gals. :afr


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

thekloWN said:


> No, you're not the only one brudda. I SEEN IT!
> 
> After I slipped ruffies into a womans drink and proceeded to date rape, I realised I was the one being raped! Crazy stuff. Wild, crazy stuff those gals. :afr


:haha oh wow...!

I've never been on a date so I don't really know what I'd think :/ I'd imagine I'd be worrying whether the guy likes me or not more than I would focus on whether I like him. But I don't think most women think like that...(?)


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Ashkat said:


> girl you're gorgeous and a nice girl, of course they will like you


Aw thanks, so are you!!


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

pariahgirl said:


> ....because most people are unlikely to want to support you financially.


Most women. The majority of men do not care if the woman is employed or not.

Yes, I am employed. So no, this is not about me.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

heroin said:


> Most women. The majority of men do not care if the woman is employed or not.


May we see the results of this worldwide survey you must have carried out to have come to that conclusion?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

mooncake said:


> May we see the results of this worldwide survey you must have carried out to have come to that conclusion?


Sure. Please refer to the worldwide preference for women as housewives (i.e. not employed outside the home) among men in the vast majority (I might even venture to say, all) of different cultures in all parts of the world.

You're welcome.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

heroin said:


> Sure. Please refer to the worldwide preference for women as housewives (i.e. not employed outside the home) among men in the vast majority (I might even venture to say, all) of different cultures in all parts of the world.
> 
> You're welcome.


Perhaps it's not the case in your society, but certainly in mine the 'stay at home housewife' role is rapidly becoming a rarity. Out of all the males I can think of, not one would be happy if their girlfriend/wife wasn't also earning money... of course, that's no 'proof' of anything, but certainly suggests to me that to claim that the majority of men don't care about whether or not a woman is employed is somewhat of a gross generalisation to be making for all cultures everywhere.

And believe it or not, there are some cultures wherein men are actually the ones to stay at home providing childcare whilst the women go out working or hunting, so no, probably best not to venture so far as to say '"all".


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

For my "dates"....

"WOW! I want to have his imaginary illegitimate children.....and then leave him with the kids!".

Trust me, it's happened....twice! :rain


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

"I can't wait for this date to be over with so that I can go home and fart"


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

mooncake said:


> Perhaps it's not the case in your society


It most certainly isn't.



mooncake said:


> but certainly in mine the 'stay at home housewife' role is rapidly becoming a rarity.


Because women don't want to be in that role, not because men want them to be bringing in the cash. In fact, I remember there being resistance to that when women started entering the workplace not too long ago, just one, maybe two generations ago, in fact. So in a very large number of cases men actually prefer to *not* have their partner employed, and now that things are changing, most don't care about if their partner is employed. It is quite rare to see men actively reject a woman because she may be unemployed.



mooncake said:


> Out of all the males I can think of, not one would be happy if their girlfriend/wife wasn't also earning money... of course, that's no 'proof' of anything, but certainly suggests to me that to claim that the majority of men don't care about whether or not a woman is employed is somewhat of a gross generalisation to be making for all cultures everywhere.


Maybe. But I'd be willing to bet that in the majority of cultures around the world, the vast majority of attached women are not employed outside of their home. And the men don't have a problem with that.



mooncake said:


> And believe it or not, there are some cultures wherein men are actually the ones to stay at home providing childcare whilst the women go out working or hunting, so no, probably best not to venture so far as to say '"all".


Nope. The cultures that you are thinking of are matrilineal/matrilocal ones. Where inheritance, families etc. are organized along the matrilineal line. So descent through the mother is considered more important than through the father. But even there, the hunting, fighting, and usual dangerous work is done by men. It's just that instead of the husband being the patriarch, the woman's father or brother is. There is practically no evidence of a proper matriarchal society as far as I know, where the women do all the traditional "masculine" work.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I love how many "facts" are stated here with absolutely nothing too back them up.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Ospi said:


> I love how many "facts" are stated here with absolutely nothing too back them up.


Just ask my two I. I. kids :lol.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Ospi said:


> I love how many "facts" are stated here with absolutely nothing too back them up.


What exactly do you dispute? That the majority of cultures worldwide have women employed within the home instead of outside it? That there wasn't an explicit preference just a couple generations ago in Western socities among the majority of men for their partners to be housewives? Do you mean to say these are not "facts"? That I am lying? Or that these don't actually show the unimportance men place on women being employed?

Or do you mean that even though that was true, the ability to bring cash into the home is one of the major qualities men look for in women today? A view backed up by nothing. Not precedent, not data, not observation. And certainly nothing in your contentless post. But it's true just because you don't like the alternative.

Why don't you go troll the pointless threads in the General forum. I'm sure your contentless posts would be much better appreciated there.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

heroin said:


> most don't care about if their partner is employed. It is quite rare to see men actively reject a woman because she may be unemployed.


Where is your source for this? If you're going to make a claim about what apparantly goes on inside the heads of the majority of males in regards to this topic, I'd like to see some actual factual evidence as a pose to statements that, to be honest, just sound like your own opinion and limited perceptions projected onto the rest of your sex. When you start harping on about what men _want_, as if you know for a fact, you need to provide some pretty conclusive evidence for it if you want to be taken seriously. So far you don't seem to have been able to. The things you're referring to, i.e. the fact that there was resistance to women entering the workplace, don't indisputably lead to the 'facts' that you're trying to state about all men everywhere. Of course there are men who want a stay at home wife or girlfriend who doesn't work, or who don't particularly care whether their partners work or not, and I can accept that that may be the norm in your culture and in many others. But I would dispute the idea that, that being the case, it must necessarily follow that the vast majority of the male sex across the globe feel likewise. You can't project so broadly that perception onto the entire male sex on a board like this, where members come from many different cultures and cultural norms. If you do, you should probably realise that that's just your opinion or largely applicable to your own society, rather than some objective fact. 


heroin said:


> There is practically no evidence of a proper matriarchal society as far as I know, where the women do all the traditional "masculine" work.


 I'm not talking about whether there are truly matriarchal societies or not, I'm talking about gender roles within society and I'm simply correcting you by telling you that there _are_ societies wherein females do the traditional "masculine" work. That is a fact. I'm not trying to argue that those societies are also matriarchal in a governmental sense. I can dig up some anthropological studies for you later, if you like.

That doesn't actually have much to do with what I'm trying to say, though, which is pretty simple. All I took issue with is the notion that you attempted to generalise virtually all males and females as having the same mindset in regards to women/men and employment. Perhaps where you live, most men are truly not too bothered about whether a woman is employed or not. Fine. In my experience, and in my society, men would prefer their partners to be jointly earning and contributing (I'm not, like you, however, using this as evidence upon which to generalise all people everywhere, since I realise that I only have experience of a tiny portion of society). Therefore I don't see how you can so confidently oversimplify the matter by claiming that most women care about men earning their keep, whilst men don't. That doesn't match up to my experiences at all. So why should I accept what you're saying as some kind of fact? Why do you assume that just because you've seen women caring about whether or not their partner is employed, and men not, that you're therefore justified to state that as a fact, regardless of what cultural differences may be apparent between your society and another poster's?

What pariahgirl said about most people not wanting to support someone financially seems more accurate to me in regards to my experience, than your belief that the vast majority men wouldn't care. That's all that I'm ultimately (and long-windedly) trying to say. We'll just have to agree to disagree.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I care what a guy thinks of me. I want to be a valued friend, and someone they respect and genuinely like.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

mooncake said:


> Where is your source for this?


Does so many (you can include pretty much most non-Westernized cultures in that, and the phenomenon is also quite common in Western society) women working as housewives instead of being employed out of the home not evidence enough? Are the men unhappy about this arrangement? From what I see, I don't think so.



mooncake said:


> If you're going to make a claim about what apparantly goes on inside the heads of the majority of males in regards to this topic, I'd like to see some actual factual evidence as a pose to statements that, to be honest, just sound like your own opinion and limited perceptions projected onto the rest of your sex.


I gave you evidence for it. The *existence* of marriages all over the world in which the majority of men work outside the home while the women work as housewives should be proof enough. If women not earning or being unemployed was such a dealbreaker for men, arrangements like those would be very rare.

The relative absence or rarity of relationships where the woman works outside the home and the man is unemployed/works in the home, should make it quite plain that the majority of women actively reject unemployed men.



mooncake said:


> When you start harping on about what men _want_, as if you know for a fact, you need to provide some pretty conclusive evidence for it if you want to be taken seriously. So far you don't seem to have been able to.


See above. The evidence is the existence of relationships where the woman is unemployed and the man is. And this is sort of arrangement is a very, very common one.



mooncake said:


> The things you're referring to, i.e. the fact that there was resistance to women entering the workplace, don't indisputably lead to the 'facts' that you're trying to state about all men everywhere.


So, historically documented male resistance to women's entry in the workplace means that men wanted women who were employed?

Does not compute.



mooncake said:


> Of course there are men who want a stay at home wife or girlfriend who doesn't work, or who don't particularly care whether their partners work or not, and I can accept that that may be the norm in your culture and in many others. But I would dispute the idea that, that being the case, it must necessarily follow that the vast majority of the male sex across the globe feel likewise.


The vast majority of men worldwide *are in* partnerships where the woman is unemployed! Why would that happen if the vast majority of men worldwide *didn't* want unemployed women? Are they being forced to accept unemployed women?



mooncake said:


> You can't project so broadly that perception onto the entire male sex on a board like this, where members come from many different cultures and cultural norms. If you do, you should probably realise that that's just your opinion or largely applicable to your own society, rather than some objective fact.


It's an observation. Nobody would be more glad than me if the reverse were true. I'd love to be in a relationship where the woman makes most of the money and spends it on us as a couple. If you see the comments I've made in other threads, I've said my ideal match would be a woman who has the gender role that men have in society. So, the generalization I made actually puts me in the minority. It's from what I observe.



mooncake said:


> I'm not talking about whether there are truly matriarchal societies or not, I'm talking about gender roles within society and I'm simply correcting you by telling you that there _are_ societies wherein females do the traditional "masculine" work. That is a fact. I'm not trying to argue that those societies are also matriarchal in a governmental sense. I can dig up some anthropological studies for you later, if you like.


Sure. I'm a huge nerd and very interested in reading scientific studies and articles. If you have any links, please post them, regardless of its impact on this discussion.



mooncake said:


> We'll just have to agree to disagree.


Fair enough.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

:um I wonder if people aren't thinking too far into this again. :stu


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

:lol no doubt. I'm just bitter that my boyfriend would never let me stay at home while he goes out to work, really. That would suit me just fine!


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Regarding the original question, you'd have to ask each individual woman. I don't think there is one answer, with the possible exception of the farting thing.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

joinmartin said:


> False. The vast majority you speak of is non existent.


It's almost a given in third world countries. And there are a lot, A LOT of people there. Really, both parties in a couple working outside the home has only been normalized in Western countries. It will take some time before it becomes the norm elsewhere.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

mooncake said:


> :lol no doubt. I'm just bitter that* my boyfriend would never let me stay at home* while he goes out to work, really. That would suit me just fine!


Huh? What in the world? Now, I am not really into the cohabitation thing, but that doesn't make sense to me even if I was.

I am one of those who, at my age, chances are high that she would have a place of her own. Even then, and if the relationship was serious enough, I would give her the key to my house.

That is so against the joke I have about being so handsome my future wife wouldn't let me leave the house.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> Huh? What in the world? Now, I am not really into the cohabitation thing, but that doesn't make sense to me even if I was.
> 
> I am one of those who, at my age, chances are high that she would have a place of her own. Even then, and if the relationship was serious enough, I would give her the key to my house.


Wait, I don't think I explained myself properly! I meant to say that my boyfriend would be cheesed off if I didn't work and he did. We're both lazy students at the moment, so the thought of having to find full-time jobs is horrific to us, you see. I would also make a terrible housewife. I think he'd be afraid to see the state of the house after coming back from a hard day's work!



millenniumman75 said:


> That is so against the joke I have about being so handsome my future wife wouldn't let me leave the house.


:lol


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

On the woman working, my son is 30 and my SO's son is 33, and both expect a woman they'd consider living with to work, for a very small and not so diverse sample. 

I do suspect working or no is more often a deal breaker if the man is unemployed as opposed to the woman, but not by the margin it would have been 50 years ago.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

What I would be thinking... does he like me, am I talking too much, am I not talking enough, what do I look like, am I looking at him too much/not enough, is he laughing at me or with me... why is he with me, does he think I'm weird for laughing too much (I do that sometimes when I'm nervous), he's quiet/is he uncomfortable/does he wish we weren't on a date? Will he hold my chair at the restaurant, the car door, will he say please and thank you, will he care that I'm not gorgeous, or smart... etc, etc, etc... so much pressure - it sucks... guess this is why I always skipped the dating phase of relationships.


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