# Surviving without intimacy



## CaptainQuirk (Jun 16, 2006)

How do you do it. I have SP. I guess SA would be the same. I have no friends. And no girlfriend. But sometimes I need to be close. To be intimate with another. But my SP and shyness keeps me locked up and away from a basic human need.

I was wondering how others get by without intimate human contact. How do you keep your mind off of it? When these kind of feelings come; how do you deal with them? Am I alone in this? How do you quash this need?

This is a sensitive subject. Please be respectful.


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## FearNoMore (Mar 29, 2006)

I don't know that you can quash the need, it is so important to us humans. I am lucky I have a wife, but in the past I have dealt with this problem many times. It just seems there must be a way for you to meet others. Hopeful others will be more helpful to you. I feel bad for you, but please keep your chin up.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Anxiety and agoraphobia have made these things impossible for me too. And i don't go to school anymore and therefore i don't meet any girls so the chances of getting a partner are pretty nonexistent.


When these kind of feelings come strong i usually visit uhm.... certain sites ..... to not get totally depressed. :banana :cig 



It would be nice to atleast have been in one relationship before i die....


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## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

Use it as motivation to keep trying to get better. I used to cry a lot and visit this site a lot. Email friends are better than no friends. If you can get your SA under control, you'll be surprised how quickly and easily you make friends. The girlfriend/boyfriend thing is a challange for everybody but you'll get there eventually if you keep trying.


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## LoneWolf667 (Jun 17, 2006)

I'm currently on youtube watching Arch Enemy videos, it's helping me a little.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Even if you meet people and have friends and hang around different people of the opposite sex, it definately does not guarantee finding that special someone. In fact, I've done just that for 6 years and nothing has come of it. It's just me that's the problem, I guess. I've hung around sooo many different people, shook so many hands, and sat next to so many girls with a beer in my hand. Unfortunately, a lot of those moments were a waste. 

I think to supress the need you have to get into something like meditation, intense excercise, develop different hobbies, and maybe just keep yourself busy in general. I'm trying to focus on my gardening interests and riding my bike around and also walking at the beach. I really should work on getting a job because even though I'd probably still get sad and think about how lonely I am on the job, I'll have a lot more money to invest in my hobbies to keep myself busy, even if that means wasting away watching movies on a $800 surround system. Whatever works. Maybe I'll at least get to that point within a year.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I don't even know what intimicacy feels like. Its easy to live without it when you've never experienced it!


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

ColdFury said:


> I don't even know what intimicacy feels like. Its easy to live without it when you've never experienced it!


:ditto
Sometimes I think its for the best that I never know what I've missed out on for so many years.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

ColdFury said:


> I don't even know what intimicacy feels like. Its easy to live without it when you've never experienced it!


Yeah, same. You would think "can't miss what you've never experienced" but I don't think that always applies. As human beings we need intimacy. Even if you've never experienced it it's possible to still crave for that sort of contact. I know I often wish for something as simple as a good hug and to be comforted in that way.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

There is no other alternative than to just deal with it. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

I have a lot I can offer a girl. So much so, that most women would probably consider me their dream guy if they truly knew me. But SA has prevented me from being able to talk to women, let alone date them.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I try not to think about things I'll never experience.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I've survived without intimacy my whole life. My answer has been:
daydream,
daydream,
and more daydreaming!

I've gotten pretty good at it. My daydreams often satisfy my needs now, although I still hope for the real thing. *sigh* A lover who's not imaginary...ain't that the life?


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> daydream,
> daydream,
> and more daydreaming!


i agree with this.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

ColdFury said:


> I don't even know what intimicacy feels like. Its easy to live without it when you've never experienced it!


Even with no experience of it I still have it stuck in my head. It's like a perpetual degrading cycle.

You want a relationship. You see attractive women all over. You then think of the lack of success in this area. You realize women are creeped out by you even though you're a nice guy. You realize you've got no chance even with women you feel no attraction to. You then feel a little worse about yourself. You then go back through this cycle and end up feeling a little worse about yourself. It's funny there is something that most guys have (a simple intangible thing); I'm not sure what it is but I know I don't have it. Will I ever have it? More than likely not. I'm beginning to think you are born with it.

Working out hard to being on the verge of throwing up or passing out hasn't eliminated this problem for me. I've got hobbies but not the type of hobbies I can spend all my free time doing. I'm going to go into yoga more than likely.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> I've survived without intimacy my whole life. My answer has been:
> daydream,
> daydream,
> and more daydreaming!
> ...


I don't know that this will help. I guess it works if your hopes are positive and high. I will have a chance for a blind date or few but I think I'm going to call them off as they have no idea what they're getting themselves into.

There are two types of women in the world; nice and honest women. I've had problems in the past with the honest ones as I viewed them as jerks but I've come to appreciate the honesty. The nice ones just seem to blur my perceptions.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I've never felt the need to be "intimate". I guess I'm just lucky. Maybe I'm not human.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

CaptainQuirk said:


> How do you do it. I have SP. I guess SA would be the same. I have no friends. And no girlfriend. But sometimes I need to be close. To be intimate with another. But my SP and shyness keeps me locked up and away from a basic human need.
> 
> I was wondering how others get by without intimate human contact. How do you keep your mind off of it? When these kind of feelings come; how do you deal with them? Am I alone in this? How do you quash this need?
> 
> This is a sensitive subject. Please be respectful.


I was actually thinking more about this and what I realized is I've lived my whole life this way and haven't dropped dead. We still go through life just like everyone else. I think it just seems like something that you can't survive without because you/I dwell on it. Hopefully this helps.


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

i heard that grapefruit juice subdues sexual appetite. that could be of some use i suppose. Meditation and medication (the two meds) are a good combo too but beyond that, I think for me that it is hard to quash the need for human contact and intimacy. i have found in the past that in times of dire need even joining a religious cult can provide some relief but i think it really depends on the individual.


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## CaptainQuirk (Jun 16, 2006)

bent said:


> i heard that grapefruit juice subdues sexual appetite. that could be of some use i suppose. Meditation and medication (the two meds) are a good combo too but beyond that, I think for me that it is hard to quash the need for human contact and intimacy. i have found in the past that in times of dire need even joining a religious cult can provide some relief but i think it really depends on the individual.


I will try that. Anything. Have you heard about javajava? I do not know if I am spelling it right. It is the juice from some plant that grows on some South Pacific islands. It is reported that it subdues sexual libido. In fact I am going to Google it when I get off of this forum. Your message just reminded me of it. I will post anything I find back in this thread.

Thank you.

Addendum

Not Java Java. No No. That might actually increase libido.

It is Kava Kava. I am now looking more into that now and will post again.


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## CaptainQuirk (Jun 16, 2006)

Have found something so far. This could help. It explains about estrogen levels in males. http://www.personalconsult.com/articles ... iontx.html

Will keep searching. I am on a MISSION now! I need to lose my libido forever. I want it GONE!!!

No girl is attracted to me physically. So I have to do this.

Kava Kava and grapefruit juice. I will mix it up in a blender and try it. Hope it mixes well with vodka hehe. If this works I will be FREE. Free free free. at last. If it works I will give out the recipe. If not I will keep trying other ideas. I am serious about this and will keep all those interested in my mission apprised.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

bent said:


> i heard that grapefruit juice subdues sexual appetite. that could be of some use i suppose. Meditation and medication (the two meds) are a good combo too but beyond that, I think for me that it is hard to quash the need for human contact and intimacy. i have found in the past that in times of dire need even joining a religious cult can provide some relief but i think it really depends on the individual.


Thanks for info. I should try to eat like 3 a day.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

CaptainQuirk said:


> bent said:
> 
> 
> > i heard that grapefruit juice subdues sexual appetite. that could be of some use i suppose. Meditation and medication (the two meds) are a good combo too but beyond that, I think for me that it is hard to quash the need for human contact and intimacy. i have found in the past that in times of dire need even joining a religious cult can provide some relief but i think it really depends on the individual.
> ...


Just don't drive while under the influence of it because you'll get a DUI. It's essentially a drug.


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## Ernest (Jul 13, 2005)

I have my cats, my computer, cable TV and crossword puzzles to help me deal with loneliness. Sometimes the desire for intimacy overwhelms me and none of that helps. During those times I cry and sleep a lot.


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

umbrellagirl1980 said:


> whiteclouds said:
> 
> 
> > daydream,
> ...


Me too.


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## dazeerae (Apr 29, 2006)

Some medications are affected by grapefruit juice, so if you're on any prescription or OTC drugs, you may want to find out if grapefruit juice causes adverse interactions.


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## CaptainQuirk (Jun 16, 2006)

I found something on kava. It has uses as an anaphrodisiac.
http://www.psychopharmacology.net/kava/

Some info on the plant itself:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kava

more info:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/drug ... -kava.html


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## casio784 (Nov 14, 2003)

I'll just become a crazy cat person. Sometimes I pretend I have invisible cats.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

...


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> I've never felt the need to be "intimate". I guess I'm just lucky. Maybe I'm not human.


I wish I had that problem. :stu


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

dez said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > I've never felt the need to be "intimate". I guess I'm just lucky. Maybe I'm not human.
> ...


Well I don't know if you should. I don't know if it's a really good thing or if I'm missing something really important that I'll never know about.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

I have invisible cats and girlfriends.


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## MTMH (May 26, 2006)

To me, I sometimes feel lonely, but I think my anxiety to be with people is a much stronger feeling than my loneliness. Of course, sometimes I imagine I have a boyfriend who is understanding and can connect with me well, but in the real life, it's so difficult to find such man. I'm kinda terrified by the fact that I might not survive a relationship, sometimes relationship can be very complex and I don't know whether I am ready to complicate my life right now, whether I'm ready to understand the other person, and whether all the troubles will worth the happiness that it might bring. Thinking about all those, I just prefer to be alone and lonely, at least for right now.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> dez said:
> 
> 
> > Zephyr said:
> ...


 Personally, I think I would rather not feel these needs while I'm in the mindset of believing it will never happen...it would make dealing with that reality less unpleasent. Besides its likely that not having these needs is not permanent and can easily change if the right person happens to come along.


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## CaptainQuirk (Jun 16, 2006)

More males respond then females. :con 
"Interesting" - Mr Spock said to me.


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

GermanHermit said:


> I don't really have any problems living without it.
> 
> When I was in my twenties I must admit, I had certain desires. But I actually kind of grew out of it over the years.
> 
> ...


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