# Why am I the only one who puts in the effort to maintain friendships?



## Lillil (Dec 10, 2018)

And I'm not good at this, so I wonder what the point of me repeatedly going out my comfort zone is when nobody ever reciprocates? Friendships are a two way street and it's not fair that it all rests on my shoulders. But it's not like every friendship on Earth has this problem, so it must be my fault. What is so wrong with me that nobody takes time to develop a friendship with me?


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## Tomorrowisalongtime (Jan 15, 2019)

It's hard to react to this in a constructive manner. I don't know who you are and your post is very short, so there could be multiple truths as to why it is like that.

I can only add this. I have 3 good friends myself and I almost never contact them ,they always have to contact me first. It makes me the "bad" friend because it never comes from me first. They never said anything about this but I'm sure they think the same way as you do. I just don't need the social interaction, so if they want to hear from me, they'll have to make the step because it's rarely coming from me first.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Sigh
IKR. I myself have been having trouble reconnecting. Ever since I have come back home....the FEW friends that I do have left (those who havent moved away)...its like Im begging to make contact.

The most ebgaging friendships I have are virtual ie online. I speak online to my old schoolmates....but they all live so far away now....Im sure they have new friends

..its depressing.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

thatsher said:


> They are not worth it. Stop fighting, they obviously take you for granted or don't care enough. Do you really wanna be friends with someone who doesn't sound like a good friend?


I know, as much as I don't wanna break the old statement "make new friends but keep the old ones"

It seems like I will have to make a new possie. I'm more sociable now than when I entered university. Than when I joined this website. Ironically those were the times I was still at school, still surrounded by people.

Now I have started working, I have gained a lot of social experiences...but there's nobody to hang out with. Everyone at work seems to have their own social bubbles well established.

If only I had back then the social skills, that I have now...maybe my friendships would have been stronger....maybe I would have had a wider circle of friends and with a wider circle of friends...there's be people I cud hang out with.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I'm in the same situation. It's always me who puts in the effort, yet no matter how hard I try over the years, I end up losing touch with just about most of my friends. They never have any interest reciprocating. Meanwhile I see a few other mutual friends who barely puts in the effort and they constantly are in touch with them and knows their most recent comings and goings. Eventually I just have to accept there's probably something about me that puts people off. So I decided to just let things be and no point wasting energy to look like a shallow idiot.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Blue Dino said:


> I'm in the same situation. It's always me who puts in the effort, yet no matter how hard I try over the years, I end up losing touch with just about most of my friends. They never have any interest reciprocating. Meanwhile I see a few other mutual friends who barely puts in the effort and they constantly are in touch with them and knows their most recent comings and goings. Eventually I just have to accept there's probably something about me that puts people off. So I decided to just let things be and no point wasting energy to look like a shallow idiot.


:frown2::frown2::frown2:

I feel ...so similar.
But it is painful. I especially hate it when co-workers ask me what I do for fun. Or tell me I should go out more.
I would go out more...if I had ppl to go out with


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## Dying note (Mar 17, 2009)

You're not the only one. I haven't had a genuine friendship that goes both ways since I was a child and I'm not blaming myself anymore. Being thoughtful and willing to always keep others in mind is a great quality in a friend and when I see the effort not even acknowledged, I drop them and move on.


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