# Fired... again...



## desertsessions (Sep 14, 2015)

Man... I had such a good run going, beginning of 2013 until today. 

My company started very small in 2013 and i was only working with one other person, which i didn't mind. Then it started growing, more people taking up more positions and going to work everyday started to give me crazy anxiety. To the point i almost dreaded going into work everyday.

Today, I finally got fired. Reasons being... poor communication with co-workers and supervisors. 

In a sense, it's a relief that i don't have to go back there anymore... but they paid well and getting fired from nearly every job I've had due to bad social anxiety issues is taking a real hit on my self confidence. 

What's a person with social anxiety to do in the work world?


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

desertsessions said:


> Man... I had such a good run going, beginning of 2013 until today.
> 
> My company started very small in 2013 and i was only working with one other person, which i didn't mind. Then it started growing, more people taking up more positions and going to work everyday started to give me crazy anxiety. To the point i almost dreaded going into work everyday.
> 
> ...


Have you ever tried to make a concerted effort to improve those skills? If so did you make any progress?

These skills can be learned, though it can be stressful to do so. There's no guarantee that you'll be successful, but it's possible, so maybe you should see if you could do it too.

Did you ever observe how your colleagues would communicate? That could give you some ideas on the type of thing to work on.

*Edit:* I'm not saying this to blame you, just to let you know that there could be a possibility for improvement.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

I'm sorry you lost your job, I can relate to the anxiety bit. 

I do the same thing you probably do, just work hard, keep focused at the task in front of me and keep busy. My last job was mostly involved with moving furniture, so it was easy to keep myself out of social situations and keep busy.

I hope you find a new job soon.


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## fonz (Oct 15, 2008)

What sort of reason is that? I hardly speak to anyone in my job including the supervisors,don't even greet them when I first see them (they don't greet me). Should go to an employment lawyer,at the very least you might get a bit of $$$$. The employers rarely win in those types of cases...


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

LonelyLurker said:


> Have you ever tried to make a concerted effort to improve those skills? If so did you make any progress?
> 
> These skills can be learned, though it can be stressful to do so. There's no guarantee that you'll be successful, but it's possible, so maybe you should see if you could do it too.
> 
> ...


It's not like you can snap your fingers and cure the communication issues you have with SA.

If that were the case, I would have been cured 20x over by now. I say by going to work for 3+ years, he more than faced his fears. It's also debatable rather social skills can be "learned".

After all these years of suffering from this disorder, and remembering the time when I didn't have it, most of it seems to come naturally.


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## desertsessions (Sep 14, 2015)

Yeah I just don't understand the standard workplaces hold. In all honesty, I got more done than anybody there because of my social anxiety. I would come in and get straight to work, while everybody else stands around with coffee chatting while I work. 

Yet, I get fired. 

It's really hard not to take that as a slight against me, considering I was really trying my best to be as social as possible. I might not have talked as much as everyone else, but I was always nice to everyone and would go out of my way to lend a hand if they needed it. 

Maybe the bosses just saw I wasn't happy there and my anxiety was getting worse with the more people they hired. I could cry about this and drown in self pity, but I'm trying to be more positive about things. Maybe I can try to get into something I'm more into now... My fear gets worse with each job i get though.. I feel like I'm always going to get fired now since it seems to be a running trend.


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

Sorry. That's extremely messed up that despite doing work while everyone else screws around, you would get fired for lacking social skills. If I don't know how you feel already, I likely will one day. This doesn't compare, but with all my college jobs, I don't know HOW the hell I never got fired because of SA. My social skills with the public were horrendous. And I sucked at everything, too. In every job I've had I was always the weakest link. I've been told in different jobs that I am learning too slow. No one fired me, however. I guess because they were all college jobs. Now that I am in security, socializing is the least of my problems. And since everything is so objective, there's no messing up like I did forever. I really like it. Good luck, I hope you find something next that is easier on your SA.


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## JDsays (Oct 20, 2015)

What does your job entail? I imagine it would be discrimination to fire you for SA.


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## desertsessions (Sep 14, 2015)

JDsays said:


> What does your job entail? I imagine it would be discrimination to fire you for SA.


They just made up a bunch of stuff to fire me. They knew they couldn't fire me for that, so they also typed in "Poor job performance and difficulty in following instructions" on my release sheet. Which is total bs, because I knew what i was doing from the morning i got there, til I was off. It was literally the same thing everyday, so i know it was just due to my anxiety issues.

I guess it looks bad for the companies image if I don't fit in with the other people. It's hard not to be jaded when this always happens due to SA. 
I wish i could cure it and not be so shy around people.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I'm sort of in the same situation as you in that I currently need to look for a new job after 4 years. I was lucky I received my final warning before my holidays because it gives me a chance to sort out my resume and what I might want to do next. They decided to keep me after I interviewed with them but as far as I'm concerned a final warning is as good as losing a job for the wise person, because you can always go back to a company a few years down the track if you resign.

I'm sorry they fired you for that though. I have actually been in that situation in other jobs before and they always put it down to "not fitting into working culture" after the fact. Might I suggest going for your truck license and searching for a driving position? It worked for me and you get to work alone (apart from learning).


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

The Phantom Pain said:


> It's not like you can snap your fingers and cure the communication issues you have with SA.
> 
> If that were the case, I would have been cured 20x over by now. I say by going to work for 3+ years, he more than faced his fears. It's also debatable rather social skills can be "learned".
> 
> After all these years of suffering from this disorder, and remembering the time when I didn't have it, most of it seems to come naturally.


I had anticipated such a response.:nerd:

I didn't say you could snap your fingers, I didn't even say that if you try you will definitely succeed. All I said is that it's possible to learn social skills, and that is true (whether you like it or not ).

It took me years and believe me it wasn't easy, but I assure you I've learned social skills. That doesn't necessarily mean that you can do it too, but it does mean that it's possible. To claim otherwise is nothing more than post-hoc rationalisation.

I'm not saying he hasn't been facing his fears, but merely facing your fears isn't how you learn social skills, you need to make a concerted effort.

Which is to say that the OP, you, and anyone else that thinks it's impossible _might_ be selling yourselves short.

If you can resist the urge to get defensive, you might see that that this is a good thing.:smile2:


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

LonelyLurker said:


> I had anticipated such a response.:nerd:
> 
> I didn't say you could snap your fingers, I didn't even say that if you try you will definitely succeed. All I said is that it's possible to learn social skills, and that is true (whether you like it or not ).
> 
> ...


You may see it as being defensive, but I'm just trying to educate you that an "effort" won't always work, especially if you have severe enough anxiety.

From personal experience, if you try to socialize through it even though you're stuttering and shaking like a leaf, the only thing you'll do is attract negative attention to yourself.

Speaking as a person whose just been mobbed out of a job due to this very reason, I can't say I recommend it as people aren't as forgiving as most claim they are.

Now this is by no means is me saying that the OP shouldn't try, but the effort should be in getting treatment if he already isn't seeking it so this won't happen again.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sorry bro but 4yrs is impressive. Keep trying. I've lasted longer at my jobs then I orginally imagined. Gotta keep pushing. Its all about managing your anxiety the best you can. Some people need meds, therapy, etc. But in the end its about the effort put in.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

The Phantom Pain said:


> You may see it as being defensive, but I'm just trying to educate you that an "effort" won't always work, especially if you have severe enough anxiety.


I agree, it won't always work. But sometimes it does and you can't know which category you're in until you've tried.



The Phantom Pain said:


> From personal experience, if you try to socialize through it even though you're stuttering and shaking like a leaf, the only thing you'll do is attract negative attention to yourself.


That's also true (sometimes, I've personally interacted with people like this and I've always been very understanding as I know what's happening, I'm sure I'm not the only one) but for me, I'm pretty good at analysing things so that I can break them down and understand them (as some things don't come naturally to me). I treated socialising the same way as anything else I've ever had to learn, I made observations, formed hypotheses, tested them to the best of my ability and updated my beliefs based on the results. That could be something as small as changing the tone of my voice to see if it affects how people respond to me, in time all of the small things I had confirmed as effective became a pretty good framework for social interactions.

Granted, it turned out that I had always had the raw ingredients, I just didn't know the recipe. If you don't have the raw ingredients I imagine it would be much harder, as you'll have to fake it a lot more and faking it is exhausting.



The Phantom Pain said:


> Speaking as a person whose just been mobbed out of a job due to this very reason, I can't say I recommend it as people aren't as forgiving as most claim they are.


I'm sorry that happened to you.

Unfortunately you're right, a lot of people aren't very forgiving and are hypocrites but that's just another thing to realise and develop behaviours that mitigate that risk. In an ideal world you wouldn't have to, but this is far from an ideal world.



The Phantom Pain said:


> Now this is by no means is me saying that the OP shouldn't try, but the effort should be in getting treatment if he already isn't seeking it so this won't happen again.


Treatment can be helpful but it isn't the only way to help yourself, I think there's a danger of those of us with issues believing that we can never solve our own problems, that only "professionals" can do that. I see it quite a lot on this board.

Everyone needs help sometimes, "sometimes" being the operative word.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

LonelyLurker said:


> I agree, it won't always work. But sometimes it does and you can't know which category you're in until you've tried.
> 
> That's also true (sometimes, I've personally interacted with people like this and I've always been very understanding as I know what's happening, I'm sure I'm not the only one) but for me, I'm pretty good at analysing things so that I can break them down and understand them (as some things don't come naturally to me). I treated socialising the same way as anything else I've ever had to learn, I made observations, formed hypotheses, tested them to the best of my ability and updated my beliefs based on the results. That could be something as small as changing the tone of my voice to see if it affects how people respond to me, in time all of the small things I had confirmed as effective became a pretty good framework for social interactions.
> 
> ...


Thanks for that.

I'm not trying to jump on users here since I know they're trying to help. It's just that people seem to be getting worse and worse in regards to SA and the work place with jobs out right screening for it on assessment test which is why people literally being terminated for it fires me up. Don't take it personally.

As far as the self help part, it can work depending on the person and their severity, but mine is unfortunately at the point where I may need professional help if I have any hope of shaking disorder before I hit 30.

Now it's partially my fault it's reached this point, but that's a story for another thread.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

The Phantom Pain said:


> Thanks for that.
> 
> I'm not trying to jump on users here since I know they're trying to help. It's just that people seem to be getting worse and worse in regards to SA and the work place with jobs out right screening for it on assessment test which is why people literally being terminated for it fires me up. Don't take it personally.
> 
> ...


I didn't take it personally, just seeing if I can give you a little bit of hope.

I hope you get the help you desire and that it proves successful.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

I'm sorry. Sad to read about such things happening


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Sorry to hear about this. Yeah, it sucks how a workplace culture can gang up on the severe SA guy who has been loyal and usually works harder and consistently. Here's hoping you find a better place. There are some examples posted on SAS where other people here found a decent more busy, little bs, work environment.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

work depresses me, I been taking off like crazy, I get 5 weeks in total in a year, I only have 6 days left and its only march, in the 5 weeks, 6 days I can call out the same day, I only have 1 of that left, the rest of the 5 days is vacation


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