# "I'll never date someone that is [insert specific quality here]."



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Are you the type to make such claims? And I don't mean something reasonable such as not wanting to date a person with bad hygiene issues or someone with a profound cheating history, but I'm talking about random, harmless qualities in a person such as choosing whether or not to shave or possessing a trait that is totally out of their control. 

I remember making a ridiculous list of deal breakers like the above since I was a teen only to have me modify the list with significant reductions in my requirements in a partner today:

"I will never date someone younger than me."

Strike one: I ended up doing the above. 

"I will never consider a relationship with someone old enough to be my mom or dad." Strike two. 

Not sure what the third strike will be, but I already sense it coming my way. :serious:


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

I guess over time some people either get more desperate or they start to see that physical appearance isnt really relevant to a relationship.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't make up fixed rules, but I am very fussy about certain things. I just don't see the point of being with someone I don't find hot, and I can't control my weird sexuality.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I don't have many physical preferences other than bearded, and even that could be overlooked lol if he was a great fit for me otherwise. I couldn't see myself dating over a decade or so older than me though. It's not a strict rule, but just highly unlikely. Idk, attractiveness varies person to person so it's on an individual basis.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Didnt you already make this thread?


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## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

i never want to date anyone resembling my mom. i dont know why people say this occurs a lot (people dating others who resemble their parents), but never ever ever ever ever


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

No not really, can't help who you fall for.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

mt moyt said:


> i never want to date anyone resembling my mom. i dont know why people say this occurs a lot (people dating others who resemble their parents), but never ever ever ever ever


Couples often look like they could be siblings, I see this a lot. They also start copying each other so they look more alike over time.

look here lol:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=co...d5NPTAhXByRQKHdRXAEYQ_AUIOCgB&biw=320&bih=450

also:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/823...rtners-begin-to-resemble-each-other-explained

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201505/are-we-attracted-people-who-look-us


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

mt moyt said:


> i never want to date anyone resembling my mom. i dont know why people say this occurs a lot (people dating others who resemble their parents), but never ever ever ever ever


It's not a conscious process anyway so there's no use trying to control this. People are just attracted to certain people, and it's not usually immediately obvious to them that their partner resembles them or their family in some way.

I remember my cousin pointing out girls he was attracted to on Facebook and I noticed they all looked like him with hair (and yeah he looks like his mum and so they looked like her too). It was hilarious.


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## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Couples often look like they could be siblings, I see this a lot. They also start copying each other so they look more alike over time.
> 
> look here lol:
> 
> ...


lol lucky i dont have a sister . but yeah actually my cousin married someone who looks a lot like her brother and her dad haha



Rains said:


> It's not a conscious process anyway so there's no use trying to control this. People are just attracted to certain people, and it's not usually immediately obvious to them that their partner resembles them or their family in some way.
> 
> I remember my cousin pointing out girls he was attracted to on Facebook and I noticed they all looked like him with hair (and yeah he looks like his mum and so they looked like her too). It was hilarious.


i will do my best


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Are you the type to make such claims? And I don't mean something reasonable such as not wanting to date a person with bad hygiene issues or someone with a profound cheating history, but I'm talking about random, harmless qualities in a person such as choosing whether or not to shave or possessing a trait that is totally out of their control.


I have a list of deal breakers like most people do but I'm also aware that there's a *huge* wildcard at play. I've never been in love or had a crush but I understand that it apparently makes you willing to accept things you otherwise wouldn't. Therefore it's possible that if I ever do fall in love that I'd discover that what I thought was a deal breaker was actually just a minor irritation.

I guess all I can say is that I would never date someone I'm not attracted to, but I can't say for sure what I could find attractive. Hopefully I'd know it if I'm ever fortunate enough to meet such a person.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

mt moyt said:


> lol lucky i dont have a sister . but yeah actually my cousin married someone who looks a lot like her brother and her dad haha
> 
> i will do my best


Kind of sucks in a way, I've noticed I'm more attracted to people with facial structure + noses that are very different to mine (not sure about other traits,) and they'll probably be looking for someone who looks like them unconciously lol.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

LonelyLurker said:


> I have a list of deal breakers like most people do but I'm also aware that there's a *huge* wildcard at play. I've never been in love or had a crush but I understand that it apparently makes you willing to accept things you otherwise wouldn't. Therefore it's possible that if I ever do fall in love that I'd discover that what I thought was a deal breaker was actually just a minor irritation.
> 
> I guess all I can say is that I would never date someone I'm not attracted to, but I can't say for sure what I could find attractive. Hopefully I'd know it if I'm ever fortunate enough to meet such a person.


You've never had a crush?


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

realisticandhopeful said:


> You've never had a crush?


Nope, weird right? :laugh:

I've see plenty of women I find physically attractive (that happens practically every time I leave the house ) but nothing more than that.


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## OtterlyAbsurd (Jan 25, 2017)

Hmm, I think my deal breakers are primarily personality and beliefs, not things completely out of their control. I'd never date someone who was pro-life, bigoted (homophobic, misogynistic, etc.), or had anger issues, for example.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Karsten said:


> Didnt you already make this thread?


Lol I don't recall. But my memory sucks sometimes.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Lol I don't recall. But my memory sucks sometimes.


This is ****ing my mind. I could've sworn you made this exact thread, maybe a different title. The only difference was that last time you mentioned dating someone in the military.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I'll never date someone that is....doesn't matter. No one would ever date me anyways.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

i try not to make broad claims like that either, because eventually i'll always counteract those claims.

BUT emotional/physical abuse, alcoholism, and nazism is where i draw the line.
i probably wouldn't date a furry either tbh


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Kevin001 said:


> No not really, can't help who you fall for.


YES!


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

regimes said:


> nazism












:lol


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I can't really think of any unreasonable qualities like that. Except maybe spitting. I find spitting really gross.

I'm also really sensitive about certain words. I don't think I could date someone who called people sl*** or cucks, etc., as insults. It just opens up a kind of mentality I find really distasteful. I'd just lose any attraction I might have had for them.



mt moyt said:


> i never want to date anyone resembling my mom. i dont know why people say this occurs a lot (people dating others who resemble their parents), but never ever ever ever ever


I hear this a lot, too. The more someone looks like someone in my family, the less attractive I find them. The less they look like my family, the more attractive I find them. It's always been that way for me.
@Persephone The Dread Tbh, I think people often end up with partners who look somewhat like them because people generally date within their own attractiveness level and within their own culture. Not by choice, but because their freedom to choose is constrained by their own appearance and the logistics of courtship. That seems like it would account for the lion's share of similarities without having to concoct some kind of genetic explanation, though that might exist as well. The other thing would be making positive associations to people who share your features, if you have family you like, or like the way you look yourself. If you hate your family, or hate the way you look, I find it hard to believe you'd find people who remind you of those things attractive.

Someone here once tried to argue that unattractive people dated other unattractive people because they found unattractive people attractive because they looked like them. I find that a really bizarre and somewhat ludicrous conclusion.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Are you the type to make such claims?


Yes to an extent, but I think those claims are kind of important because I couldn't imagine living with certain types of people. Like serious religious people -- they would only drive me crazy and make me want to leave. It doesn't matter if they're absolutely perfect in every other way, I still couldn't do it. I had a crush on a girl like that once in high school, but after the fact I was so relieved that it never led anything because I knew that I would have had to completely change myself to suit her needs. And worst of all, I might have done so at the time. That's not healthy.

I don't have too many deal-breakers though. Serious religiosity, morbid obesity, ongoing addiction to drugs or alcohol, desire to get married and have a ton of kids ASAP... That's about all I can think of. I might be okay with a person with bad hygiene or a history of cheating, if all other factors were right.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

I would never date someone who doesn't believe in climate change or evolution. I think that's pretty safe to say, when I meet people like this I actually want to blow my brains out rather than keep talking to them. I also can't get along with most guys who maintain an overriding sense of masculine energy (don't know how to else to explain it), or think of themselves that way. I haven't made a specific rule about it but they make me really angry/irritated for some reason so I don't think it would get very far.

Uhm, also I don't think I would consider a relationship with someone more than 15-20 years older than me. I know most people say it but don't mean it but my parents have a 25 year age difference and I'm not saying people can't make it work but I don't want to be in that situation. Ever.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

truant said:


> I can't really think of any unreasonable qualities like that. Except maybe spitting. I find spitting really gross.
> 
> I'm also really sensitive about certain words. I don't think I could date someone who called people sl*** or cucks, etc., as insults. It just opens up a kind of mentality I find really distasteful. I'd just lose any attraction I might have had for them.
> 
> ...


I don't like my dad and none of my exes looked like him. They were Latino or Asian, so not similar at all.

I don't think I could date someone that has kids but who knows.....it might happen but it will be a mess. Don't think I would make a good stepmother. Nope nope nope.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I'll never date someone who's needs aren't complimentary to my own, and vice versa. I think that covers a lot and is a fairly reasonable statement to make. 

Also, respect and acceptance is important. What people look for changes as they go through new experiences, which is highly personalized and subjective. For instance, even though I said I would never date a mother when I was younger, I broke that rule by dating one for quite a while but at the conclusion of the relationship my reasons for not wanting to any more had changed as you would expect the raw experience itself to alter your perception and attitude towards that particular issue.

The same rule does not apply in every case though as there are certain things you thought you might have initially been fine with but having been through that experience with someone causes you to rule it out completely in all future dealings. For example, I was fine dating people with any kind of job in the past, but I steer clear of people who are fussy about dating others with "lesser" jobs than their own now because I have been through that experience and it hurt me a lot. Or I should say at least I will avoid dating people with these jobs because statistically they are more likely to hold negative views about people who have not been to university and who end up in blue collar jobs and so forth.


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

truant said:


> Tbh, I think people often end up with partners who look somewhat like them because people generally date within their own attractiveness level and within their own culture. Not by choice, but because their freedom to choose is constrained by their own appearance and the logistics of courtship. That seems like it would account for the lion's share of similarities without having to concoct some kind of genetic explanation, though that might exist as well. The other thing would be making positive associations to people who share your features, if you have family you like, or like the way you look yourself. If you hate your family, or hate the way you look, I find it hard to believe you'd find people who remind you of those things attractive.


I think you're kind of talking about the propinquity effect which plays a role but doesn't explain stuff like: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/s...-a-22-resemblance-to-themselves/#.WQqRseWGNPY
Also there's a link in there on how 'stressed individuals prefer dissimilar mates' which explains a lot.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Rains said:


> I think you're kind of talking about the propinquity effect which plays a role but doesn't explain stuff like: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/s...-a-22-resemblance-to-themselves/#.WQqRseWGNPY
> Also there's a link in there on how 'stressed individuals prefer dissimilar mates' which explains a lot.


Well, maybe it's generally true, idk, I don't have time to analyze the research. All I know is that if I see anyone who looks like they could be related I start walking the other direction. I assume their genetics are a cesspool, like mine.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Uh ****...anyone whose a few years younger than me. I need to stick with older guys. I turn 25 years old this summer and have better luck with 26-31 year olds. The 21-23 year old crew need to avoid me... we're just not on the same level.

Sent from my LG-H811 using Tapatalk


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## michaelthedepressedmess (Apr 27, 2017)

I have a few but they are TMI to share - lol.


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## Worried Cat Milf (May 20, 2016)

I could never date anyone who did not like my cats. They don't have to love cats, but they should like mine. Both of them are very vocal and loud, so I could see this really bothering someone if we were to live together.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Worried Cat Milf said:


> I could never date anyone who did not like my cats. They don't have to love cats, but they should like mine. Both of them are very vocal and loud, so I could see this really bothering someone if we were to live together.


It's just bad news if someone doesn't like your pets. Cause then every little thing will annoy them. Like the litter box smell and cat hair being everywhere. Or the cats jumping on counters/tables. It's just impossible to keep them off counters and such.

I don't know if I could date a guy with a medium sized or big dog. I would be grossed out by the smell if they let the dog on the sofa or bed.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Probably how they treat other people-like a person waiting on them in a restaurant- and animals- if the animal is ignored and starved for affection, it rubs me the wrong way even if they treat me like the best thing ever. I also believe you have to really respect each other. What's important to one, may not be for the other, but you can't just discount it.


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## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

A b*tch in heat....

A female dog....


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

Not really, no. Life is funny that way. It's impossible to predict, so why bother trying to limit yourself right out the gate? I have a _few_ general stipulations, but I don't think they're "unreasonable." They mostly apply to things like personal values and attitudes toward other people. And in that way, I suppose there's no way to necessarily guarantee I wouldn't_ go on a date with them_, to pick their brain and attempt to understand them better (or even if such things just didn't actually come about/up until said time)... But there's a good chance I wouldn't _continue_ dating them or enter into a relationship. Because we just wouldn't get along.

But my current partner is so perfect that it's my hope that none of this will ever matter anyway. lol

Re: the "people choosing partners who resemble themselves or their family" conversation, though... :lol Literally the only things my boyfriend and I have in common physically is a sickly pallor and curly hair. In personality, hobbies, and preferences, though, he is like a bizarre conglomeration of all my siblings combined, to a degree that it still kind of takes me off guard and amuses me sometimes... So there's that, I guess. :lol


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

Ai said:


> But my current partner is so perfect that it's my hope that none of this will ever matter anyway. lol


Aww. :smile2:


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## konas8 (Nov 23, 2016)

Karsten said:


> This is ****ing my mind. I could've sworn you made this exact thread, maybe a different title. The only difference was that last time you mentioned dating someone in the military.


She posted something similar in one of the 'what are you thinking' threads, I think.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Everybody's got standards. Would you date an 80 year old woman? Would you date a 5 year old? Shoot yourself in the face with a nerf gun if you said yes.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

yeah I just had to be attracted and get along with them.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

LonelyLurker said:


> Aww. :smile2:


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

Cool thread.

I only have one condition (one real one): I won't date a vegetarian. 

It takes all the fun out of dinner, and the experience of having a meal together is important to me.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

A guy
Obese 
Older than 25
Younger than 18 
Doesn't speak english that well


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## fluorish (Sep 24, 2016)

A lierr & or a cheat.. also someone very religous. Or shorter than me.


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

Micronian said:


> I only have one condition (one real one): I won't date a vegetarian.


Interesting. I don't see myself with a vegan. It depends on what and why they're doing it but a lot just seem too obsessive and uptight. Also a lot feel superior and take a morally black & white absolutism approach to slaughtering animals which I disagree with.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

I doubt I could have a serious relationship with someone who wasn't a dreamer. By that I mean someone with an imagination and curiosity about the past, the future, and the stars. A person who never gets tired of considering possibilities and learning all sorts of things. Otherwise a distance would grow between us. My head would be in space while they'd be firmly planted on the ground.


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## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

ill never date someone who gets bored and needs to move on from me and in 3 weeks starts banging someone else. ill never date anyone who i call from work and shes drunk crying whining about how she could still be with her last dude. ill never date anyone who asks me if she can hang out with an ex while me and her are dating. ill never date a 30 yr old girl who married a teenage boy overseas. ill never date a girl whos a narcissist. ill never date a girl with 2 kids and has her sister mother them while she goes out whoring. ill never date a girl to be her emotional sponge while not considering my feelings at all. ill never date anyone who makes me feel like **** all of the time...not anymore at least.


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## Vanishing Dreams (May 17, 2016)

I don't see myself dating someone with animals or that is crazy about them. I don't hate animals, but honestly I don't care for them. For example: I don't mind playing with a dog, but I don't want to have one.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

I'm a pretty accepting person, but if they're not an animal person, I can't date them. Also, if they're super serious all the time without a sense of humor - that gets old and boring.


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

I'll never date someone that is ugly.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

I'll never date someone who is hardcore. At anything.
Hardcore in sports(like professional players), vegetarianism, religion, political views, anything.

(And by never I mean it's unlikely because you can never know for sure)

((And by that I mean it's unlikely for you to know for sure))


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## Strago (Jan 12, 2017)

I don't there is any specific quality I could say I would never date someone with. There are qualities I would never have a relationship with someone with, but those aren't things you would necessarily know about them without having spent some time together first. I always thought that was part of the point of dating, to find out those kinds of things?


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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

Cruel.

You can be any number of things - black to my white, conservative to my liberal, spiritual to my atheism. You can even be a fan of Nickelback. Some things are more superficial than others (race, for example), but none of them are a hurdle for me to date someone.

It wouldn't last a day if you're not a nice person, though.


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## Going Sane (Oct 24, 2012)

acidicwithpanic said:


> "I will never date someone younger than me."
> 
> Strike one: I ended up doing the above.
> 
> ...


Lool i guess that's why they say never say never


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Post_Punk_Proclivity said:


> I'll never date someone who's needs aren't complimentary to my own, and vice versa. I think that covers a lot and is a fairly reasonable statement to make.
> 
> Also, respect and acceptance is important. What people look for changes as they go through new experiences, which is highly personalized and subjective. For instance, even though I said I would never date a mother when I was younger, I broke that rule by dating one for quite a while but at the conclusion of the relationship my reasons for not wanting to any more had changed as you would expect the raw experience itself to alter your perception and attitude towards that particular issue.
> 
> The same rule does not apply in every case though as there are certain things you thought you might have initially been fine with but having been through that experience with someone causes you to rule it out completely in all future dealings. For example, I was fine dating people with any kind of job in the past, but I steer clear of people who are fussy about dating others with "lesser" jobs than their own now because I have been through that experience and it hurt me a lot. Or I should say at least I will avoid dating people with these jobs because statistically they are more likely to hold negative views about people who have not been to university and who end up in blue collar jobs and so forth.


Yeah, pretty much everything you've said rings true to me. Your arguments against dating people with certain issues are logical and reasonable though; your reasons are not ridiculous at all.

I tend to make black and white statements when discussing any issues because I just want to keep things simple and not have to explain myself if I don't want to, but I know that deep down I go against what I say around 3% of the time. Bringing up the dating single parents example again, I usually say that I'll never do it, but of course there are few exceptions. Like if the person and I are compatible in every way, share the same goals, at least tolerate each other's values, etc., I'll be willing to give it a shot even if a part of me will be terrified of jumping into an unfamiliar situation. Same for having kids: don't want them (at least as of now), but if a partner were to strongly want some, I'll consider it if they're able to convince me why it would be a good idea.


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