# I *have* to go to university



## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

Online school is out of the question?


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## Slothrop (Aug 11, 2007)

What have you done between now and when you dropped out? I considered dropping out at one point, mainly because my anxiety was becoming unbearable and my marks were suffering as a result. It got to the point where the bus trip to classes was too stressful and I eventually dropped a bunch of classes. 

For the past year (September 2007-April 08) I reduced my courseload significantly, became a part-time student and found a job that could keep me busy and earn me some money. During that year I went through extensive therapy and switched around on meds quite a bit. The medication really made it difficult to focus or study, and obviously the depression and anxiety preceding that was even worse. That was extremely discouraging, but I kept at it. It might be wise to do something similar, if you can find out which general path you'd like to take. 

Anyways, I've now been off of medication for 6 weeks and have had no setbacks, my motivation is quite high, and my focus and concentration is higher than it has been in years. My doctors now believe that my period of clinical depression is over, hopefully it stays that way and the upcoming school year goes smoothly.

Best of luck, it's not an easy decision by any means.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

I dropped out of university and returned. 

I also had pushy parents, worries about being smart enough, choosing the wrong major, fear of dropping out a second time, money, and dealing with anxiety. 

It's worked out really well so far. I switched majors and I'm really enjoying it, and the scary "I already dropped out once. I have to succeed in this program or else my life is over" mentality went away after the first month. Plus, it's easier to focus when you're not highly anxious, and my grades are better. 

That said, if you're only returning to please your parents, and haven't dealt with your anxiety in the last year, what's going to be different this time around? Are you getting to get special accommodation, or go to therapy, or take medication? You're the only who really knows if you're ready, or not.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I come and go but dropped out for a year and want to go back but too afraid of being around people.


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## kriminator (Jul 6, 2007)

I don't know how to say it without sounding condescending but they are right. 
Specially with social anxiety, not having a degree in a field to get a decent job might cripple you for life financially. Sure there are exceptions of people making it through without a college degree, but I would find that an impossibility with severe SA.


I also dropped out, I was depressed enough and thought about just escaping and joined the french army.
Maybe more maturity/discipline helped me get more determination to suck it up. Every day is scary but I am finishing my degree.

I am not trying to guilt trip you and make you more depressed, but you do have to look out for your future.
And you will not make progress if you do not forgive yourself.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

If you're still not enthusiastic about your major, are depressed, are trying to improve your life by yourself, and are getting this degree only to make money, these are not good signs.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

I'm sorry you feel so pressured. 


Cosmin said:


> ..... I could be ready by next year, but I'm feeling this year would be a very huge deja-vu for me if I go with it.


What would be so wrong with starting next year?? If you worked a low paying job for a year, that would expose you to social situations, and help finance a degree you would actually enjoy.

I'm really concerned about students here on SAS because I had such a horrible time at university the first time around. I know some people here can succeed in school even with high levels of anxiety. That evidently wasn't the case for you (or for me). So why did you drop out the first time? And how can you address those issues so you don't drop out again?

As for parental pressure, call me naive, but I genuinely believe parents just want you to be happy. My parents had enormous expectations for me. For my Asian parents, university was 100% mandatory. When I started med school, it was the culmination of all their hopes and dreams since my birth. When I was kicked out, I know it was hard on them. But they never let on they were disappointed, they supported me in every way, and said that I had tried my best, and that was good enough for them. I get kind of emotional telling this, because it showed how much they would love me, no matter what I did. I think they even felt guilty for having pressued me. 
All this to say - do what you want, and not what your parents want.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

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## sh0x (Oct 9, 2006)

jane said:


> As for parental pressure, call me naive, but I genuinely believe parents just want you to be happy. My parents had enormous expectations for me. For my Asian parents, university was 100% mandatory. When I started med school, it was the culmination of all their hopes and dreams since my birth. When I was kicked out, I know it was hard on them. But they never let on they were disappointed, they supported me in every way, and said that I had tried my best, and that was good enough for them. I get kind of emotional telling this, because it showed how much they would love me, no matter what I did. I think they even felt guilty for having pressued me.
> All this to say - do what you want, and not what your parents want.


jane, your parents sound like mine. mine are also asian. i also left school, and now i'm in the process of coming back, i know they were disappointed that i left, they supported me anyway.

cosmin, have you thought about going back to school part-time, taking less classes may be easier.


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