# I haven't left my house for over 4 years. I don't know what to do :(



## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

Hey guys. I haven't really posted about this before. I felt too ashamed. I haven't been outside my house at all since the summer of 2010. It's been around 1,500 days since I left the house. I've actually rarely left my room in that timespan. I'm completely dependent on my parents. It's been so long since I left the house, I'm scared of what might happen if I do. I'm basically a hikikomori, which is someone who never leaves their home and has no social interaction at all. I actually feel scared if I peek out of my window and see people walking along. I get scared when the phone rings in case it's someone asking to talk to me. The thought of actually talking to another person is terrifying to me. It's been so long since I talked to anyone other than my mum, I almost can't remember what it feels like. I think I might be going stir crazy from being stuck in the house for so long, but I'm too afraid to go outside. I got a message recently from someone else on SAS who said they were in a similar position to me, and they wanted to do a suicide pact with me. I don't want that, but I'm really struggling. I would like to become a functioning adult somehow, but feel completely stuck. I guess I wanted to ask what you guys think about all of this.


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Wow, wish I could relate to you with your degree of SA.

Well, for starters how about walking outside into your lawn? It's outside and maybe nobody will be there to witness you.


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## Claudia87 (Aug 19, 2013)

Seriously, f**k whoever wanted you to do a suicide pact. They seem to have more issues than anxiety if they want someone else to kill themselves. I go weeks at a time without leaving the house, and when I do I need to have my sister with me so I can hide behind her skirts. There's plenty of us in here so you're far from alone. I'm sorry you're so deep into it. Keep fighting.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

I think in your situation, if you don't overcome your fear it will eventually kill you.

Need to start with small steps. Getting out of your room. Going around the house when it is empty. Going around the house when your family is there. Going around the house when there is one non family member there. Going outside the house, in the yard, to the mailbox or to the corner.

Test the fear, little bit at a time. Overcome one thing, move on to the next greater challenge. Talk to others for support, on here or elsewhere.

I've isolated myself for long periods of time before, rarely if ever going out. When you do that, you put safety and misery on either side of a balancing scale. At first safety greatly outweighs misery, you can be alone with no one to bother you, no concerns or responsibilities, no threats. But over time misery starts to outweigh safety, and each day becomes slow torture, as the few things you have to do to pass the time become dull and repetitive until you get sick of them. Sick of the box you've put yourself in.

Sounds like that is where you are.


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## ScottyKnows (Mar 27, 2014)

Second that: f**k whoever wanted to do a suicide pact. NOT the answer.

I can relate. From the ages of 12 to 18 I NEVER left the house. My mom was the only person I talked to, and she was not a very healthy person, either.

Now I live with my sister and I'm doing the same thing again. I very rarely leave the house and when I do it's usually with my sister to do laundry or get groceries. I have to build myself up every time I walk out the door. People frighten me and I feel like I frighten people. Yes, SA is a nightmare, but suicide is not a solution. 

Thanks for the new word: hikikomori. I had no idea but that's pretty much what I am. "All I can do is be me, whoever that is." -Bob Dylan

Thanks for coming out about it. I'd tell you to try to go outside for a minute but I almost never do, so it would be hollow advice. Courage!


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## UFO (Jan 20, 2014)

I sometimes don't leave the house for months. The longer I wait, th harder it is but it's never as bad as I think it's going to be. I always find it easier to go out at night. Maybe go for a walk in a secluded area with your mom? You could also go out during the day and wear sunglasses if you're afraid of being noticed. Another thing that helps is taking the dog for a walk. Animals really help me with anxiety. 

I wish I knew you. If I did and you lived close by, I'd offer to take you out somewhere very chill and low key. I know it would probably take more than that but sometimes it really helps to have someone to reach out with a genuine interest in friendship. 

Most of all, don't be too down on yourself. You still have a full life ahead of you and there are a surprising number of people in your situation. One day you'll be ready to go out and you're taking the first step now.


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## pocketbird (Jun 30, 2014)

I had the same problem. The thing I did was slowly start working out. I woke up in the early morning to take jogs to get fit and it helped my confidence. I started getting fresh air and now I can leave my house. It's very hard to do, but in the end it's better than hiding in your home for so long! 

You will have to do something about it otherwise you will remain in the same place for a long time. I went nuts cooped up in my home. When I took walks, it made me happier.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

You told us about your current situation.

But how did this come about?


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## yelda (Jun 12, 2010)

I think you need a forced hospitalization to get you out of house.
in psychiatric hospital you will not be alone and you will be forced to socialize.
you will be medicated there and it will not be so difficult.


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

Do your parents not mind? Do they enable u by bringing u food etc. You could try asking them to not make u meals so u are forced to go as far as the kitchen at least. Then take small steps from there like down to the shop...
But maybe u will need meds or hospital stay...could u ring a doc to come to your house n see what he prescribes u, it might work.


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

yelda said:


> I think you need a forced hospitalization to get you out of house.
> in psychiatric hospital you will not be alone and you will be forced to socialize.
> you will be medicated there and it will not be so difficult.


I agree. I don't want to be forced out of the house and taken to a hospital though. I would greatly prefer it if I could go voluntarily.


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

masterridley said:


> You told us about your current situation.
> 
> But how did this come about?


I was somewhat normal until I was about 11 years old. I went to school, left the house every day and did normal things. I was shy, but definitely wasn't afraid of people. I started to be homeschooled I was 11, and never went to high school. I had no friends away from school, and over time I gradually became more isolated. I went outside the house occasionally, but social outings became less frequent over time. With no school, social life or friends, I only ever left the house for things like trips to the dentist, doctor's or shops. As the years have passed, I've slowly regressed into my current state. My anxiety is now off the scale. I've had no meaningful social interaction with anyone near my age since I was about 12. I've actually had very little social interaction with anyone at all in that time. I now feel like the only way I can communicate with other people is through the internet. I don't think I'd be able to exist at all without it.


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

Caterpillar13 said:


> Do your parents not mind? Do they enable u by bringing u food etc. You could try asking them to not make u meals so u are forced to go as far as the kitchen at least. Then take small steps from there like down to the shop...
> But maybe u will need meds or hospital stay...could u ring a doc to come to your house n see what he prescribes u, it might work.


Parents seem to be happy to let me stay in the house in my current state. I don't think they know what to do with me. My mum tells me to be quiet so the neighbours won't hear me talking. So aside from never leaving the house, I feel like someone who can't be seen or heard from by other people. That makes me feel worse.

I think my mum tried to get my GP to come to the house a while ago, but he refused. So I can't even try any meds.


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

Perhaps you could e-mail a mental health professional or psychiatric hospital and ask them for help?


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

mjkittredge said:


> I think in your situation, if you don't overcome your fear it will eventually kill you.
> 
> Need to start with small steps. Getting out of your room. Going around the house when it is empty. Going around the house when your family is there. Going around the house when there is one non family member there. Going outside the house, in the yard, to the mailbox or to the corner.
> 
> ...


I know. I've seen it be said that people can't really die from social anxiety. I feel like I'm dying though.


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## Mustafa (Aug 15, 2012)

Didn't leave the house till 2010? Damn, how did you survive? Food? School? Clothes? Iam surprised you didn't go crazy.


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## Danae (Nov 1, 2013)

I'm so, so sorry you have to go through this. It must be terrible for you. As SA sufferers we are very lucky to have the internet, it allows us to have total control over the people we communicate with and the way we communicate with them 

I'd definitely suggest researching psychiatric hospitals or some sort of counselling in your area and sending them an e-mail. I'm sure the psychiatric hospitals would be able to send somebody out because they likely deal with quite a few people who are in your position and understand why you're unable to leave your house. 

You have the right to seek out all the help you desire. You absolutely don't need to go through this on your own, it's not fair at all. Nobody should suffer like this. Acknowledging that you need help and seeking it out is the first step towards salvation.

I wish you the very best of luck! You can pull through this, I'm sure of it


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## derpresion (May 17, 2012)

u need to start getting out more or u will stay in ur room forever

at first try going in your yard then start going to the mal, trust me noone will care about u or even notice u. just wear something very casual. u will get used to be around ppl more that way and then u can think of next steps to make..


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

RedViperofDorne said:


> Parents seem to be happy to let me stay in the house in my current state. I don't think they know what to do with me. *My mum tells me to be quiet so the neighbours won't hear me talking.* So aside from never leaving the house, I feel like someone who can't be seen or heard from by other people. That makes me feel worse.
> 
> I think my mum tried to get my GP to come to the house a while ago, but he refused. So I can't even try any meds.


Why? Do you shout? Is she ashamed of you? What gives?

Also, what are your specific thoughts when you think of leaving the house? Do you have agoraphobia? Are you afraid that people will recognize you? That something bad will happen?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Look into getting help with agoraphobia.


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## SkaredyKat777 (Jul 2, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear that it's that bad  Good luck, and I hope you find a way to get past this obstacle. Though I'm personally not that severely anxious, I would advise maybe taking it a little at a time, just going a little further outside each time. I hope everything works out okay for you eventually


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## Mustafa (Aug 15, 2012)

Try some meds.


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## LonerStoner2014 (Jul 11, 2014)

OP, im EXACTLY like you, i haven't been out my house since Christmas, ive been out my house atleast 5 times in the last 4 years. I feel for you i really do. If the phone rings my heart stops, if someone knocks on the door i break out into a cold sweat. Ive tryed talking to a therapist but meh, it didn't work, he tryed, but sadly it didn't work. Suicide isn't the answer, yeah its the easy way out, but something good might happen. Just wait and see, good luck.


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## Juliette (Mar 19, 2011)

RedViperofDorne said:


> My mum tells me to be quiet so the neighbours won't hear me talking. So aside from never leaving the house, I feel like someone who can't be seen or heard from by other people. That makes me feel worse.


Gosh, I'm not surprised it makes you feel worse. If you have a normal speaking voice, then it's an odd thing for your mum to ask you to speak quietly.



RedViperofDorne said:


> I think my mum tried to get my GP to come to the house a while ago, but he refused. So I can't even try any meds.


Did your mum explain to the receptionist that you have social anxiety and agoraphobia (it seems) and haven't been outside for 4 years and unable to get to the doctors surgery? Again, it seems odd that your GP wouldn't make a home visit if he/she knew the circumstances.

It's a rotten situation for you to be in and you're reaching out for help and you deserve to be helped, too. Maybe the mental health charity, MIND, could help: http://www.mind.org.uk/

If you put in your postcode, then you'll find the branch nearest to you with their email address.

Good luck, I wish you all the very best.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

You're going to end up like the mother of Gilbert Grape.


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## rain001 (Mar 2, 2013)

Trust me social anxiety, especially sever ones wont cure by going outside and start talking to ppl ...its like asking guy with a fever to go into freezer and think thats going to help him , it wont....the only cure in my eyes are meds , so get a doctor into ur home or let ur parents talk to doc and let him prescribe you some meds.


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## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

This reminds me of an old thread where the OP was a 30 year old in the same situation; some of the replies were pretty insensitive, hope it doesn't happen here.


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## Htki (Jul 10, 2014)

Awkto Awktavious said:


> This reminds me of an old thread where the OP was a 30 year old in the same situation; some of the replies were pretty insensitive, hope it doesn't happen here.


Why though, isn't that the complete opposite of what this kind of forum is supposed to do.

OP, you just really need to just DO something, anything, admitting to it is already a big step now you just need to find what works for you.

I've had a period of 6years where I hardly left my house and room unless I really had to, I lost every social contact I've ever had and my GF had enough too.
Thankfully I rolled into a job thanks to my parents and after that I started to leave the house more frequently outside of work hours too, I even go to the gym reguarly now.

You just really need to take actions as hard as it may be and find professional help because it seems you can't do it on your own.
Best of luck to you.


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

masterridley said:


> Why? Do you shout? Is she ashamed of you? What gives?
> 
> Also, what are your specific thoughts when you think of leaving the house? Do you have agoraphobia? Are you afraid that people will recognize you? That something bad will happen?


I don't shout at all. I talk quietly. My mum thinks it would be weird if the neighbours hear me talking when they never see me entering or leaving the house. I get the impression she doesn't want anyone knowing I'm here.

Yes, I'm worried that something bad will happen. I've checked the symptoms of agoraphobia and I have most of them. I feel like I can't function outside the house. Just thinking about talking to anyone outside is scary to me. I don't know what to say to people. My mind just goes blank, I start feeling hot, sweating and feeling sick. I'm worried what people would think if they saw me. Also, if someone asks me how I'm doing or what I do for a living, I have no idea what I'd say. If I told them the truth, they would just laugh. I think they'd be shocked at how socially awkward I am, as well.


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I was somewhat normal until I was about 11 years old. I went to school, left the house every day and did normal things. I was shy, but definitely wasn't afraid of people. I started to be homeschooled I was 11, and never went to high school. I had no friends away from school, and over time I gradually became more isolated. I went outside the house occasionally, but social outings became less frequent over time. With no school, social life or friends, I only ever left the house for things like trips to the dentist, doctor's or shops. As the years have passed, I've slowly regressed into my current state. My anxiety is now off the scale. I've had no meaningful social interaction with anyone near my age since I was about 12. I've actually had very little social interaction with anyone at all in that time. I now feel like the only way I can communicate with other people is through the internet. I don't think I'd be able to exist at all without it.


This right here is very telling.
Your anecdote here is saying, that SA isn't an inherent quality, but rather a acquired quality.
Which leads me to believe that with the right social exercising, you'll flush it out by conditioning-the same cause that got you in this mess in the first place 'conditioning'.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I don't shout at all. I talk quietly. My mum thinks it would be weird if the neighbours hear me talking when they never see me entering or leaving the house. I get the impression she doesn't want anyone knowing I'm here.
> 
> Yes, I'm worried that something bad will happen. I've checked the symptoms of agoraphobia and I have most of them. I feel like I can't function outside the house. Just thinking about talking to anyone outside is scary to me. I don't know what to say to people. My mind just goes blank, I start feeling hot, sweating and feeling sick. I'm worried what people would think if they saw me. Also, if someone asks me how I'm doing or what I do for a living, I have no idea what I'd say. If I told them the truth, they would just laugh. I think they'd be shocked at how socially awkward I am, as well.


Your mother is mentally unbalanced it seems. The thought that you should hide yourself so that your neighbours won't get inconvenienced is so unhealthy that it seems to come out of a disturbing mental horror film 

So, you say you have agoraphobia symptoms. Is it only the negative thoughts about talking to people or do you have panic attacks as well? If you have the latter it will be more difficult, if only the former then nothing prevents you from going on a walk (the first step). No one is going to talk to you if you don't want to and no one is going to be inconvenienced by you because no one cares about you.


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## Selenium (May 7, 2013)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I got a message recently from someone else on SAS who said they were in a similar position to me, and they wanted to do a suicide pact with me. I don't want that, but I'm really struggling.


The ****?

Anyway, start slow. Begin by walking around your house until you feel comfortable. Then start to walk around your neighborhood. Start slow. Just keep pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. Remember to record it all.

The best thing for me is to remember that your neighbors really don't care about you. They're not judging you, they're going about their lives.


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## shwoop (Jul 6, 2014)

Holy ****. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. 

How old are you now?

Why were you homeschooled from 11? Was it because of the anxiety or was it the homeschooling that led to the anxiety?

What do you do all day? 

I'd love to help you out dude so feel free to PM me when need be.


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## IllmaticJJ (Dec 29, 2013)

you'll have to take a long of baby steps. try to improve each day. it will require you getting out of your comfort zone a bit each time. its either that or live life the way it is now forever. nothing will ever change if you dont make the effort. easier said than done i know


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## kylieky (Jul 4, 2012)

shwoop said:


> Holy ****. Reading this brought tears to my eyes.


I feel for you and anyone else in a similar position. I feel hopelessly depressed after 2 days of not going anywhere. I think it's sad that your parents just let you sit and haven't done anything to get you out. If it were me, I'd try to call the police and see if I could be committed. Try just going to your porch at night or early in the morning.


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## DanTheOutlaw (May 29, 2014)

Firstly, relax mate.

It's not a big deal in the slightest, honestly it's not.

If YOU want to change how you live then start with small steps like others have mentioned but humans are creatures of habit and it might be almost impossible.

Either way just chill out, don't panic about it, it's not your fault anyway.


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Whos fault is it?


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## jever (Jun 16, 2013)

hardcore therapy asap..


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

shwoop said:


> Holy ****. Reading this brought tears to my eyes.
> 
> How old are you now?
> 
> ...


I'm 24. I got homeschooled because my mum didn't want me to go to high school. I think she was paranoid about things. I started experiencing anxiety after I was 11. I became completely isolated and rarely left the house. I haven't interacted with anyone around my age for more than half of my life at this point.

I spend most of the day online. I usually play games or listen to music. I also spend a lot on time on anxiety sites such as SAS. If I didn't have a computer and internet, I wouldn't have any contact with other people at all.


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## FXiles (Dec 31, 2011)

I can relate a lot. I have spent a lot of time stuck in my room.

These days I leave the house pretty much every day though. I either go to classes, the gym, or just for a walk. But I have no human interaction other than with my mom. I have tried talking to people at university that I have done group assignments with but it leads nowhere. I have no friends so I am very depressed which leads to me failing classes and wanting to die.. Loneliness is a true killer. :|

As for your situation, you need to start leaving the house.  Just go for walks, maybe late in the evening. Then start taking bigger steps, go to the grocery store or maybe the gym. You will also need to seek professional help. I don't know how it is where you live, but where I live there are organisations that help people in your spot find jobs and stuff... maybe it could be something to look into.


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## shwoop (Jul 6, 2014)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I'm 24. I got homeschooled because my mum didn't want me to go to high school. I think she was paranoid about things. I started experiencing anxiety after I was 11. I became completely isolated and rarely left the house. I haven't interacted with anyone around my age for more than half of my life at this point.
> 
> I spend most of the day online. I usually play games or listen to music. I also spend a lot on time on anxiety sites such as SAS. If I didn't have a computer and internet, I wouldn't have any contact with other people at all.


I can see why it would be difficult for you to leave the house.

Do you have any relatives your age? Family friends?

Your mum seems to be a major hindrance to you overcoming SA. You really need to contact a therapist and get help ASAP. You're still young at 24, it's not too late to change your life around.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

Okay 24 that's not bad. Op is okay 24 is not bad. 

Op you are very sincere and we are happy about that. From reading your posts its clear that you want to get out of your situation

I had a cousin who was similar in Chicago the story was so similar its astounding. He is in his mid 30s now totally normal you'd never guess he was a shut in. Got a wife kids others respect him 

Its not over for you. Unfortunately like him you only have one way out. That's through meditation. That's what saved him. It helped him.overcome his fear

Start by ceasing all porn and video games. Destroy it. Get rid of TV. Your brain will start to recover. Meditate everyday. Do tai chi and discover your innerself. Pm me I will help you get out of this


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

shwoop said:


> I can see why it would be difficult for you to leave the house.
> 
> Do you have any relatives your age? Family friends?
> 
> Your mum seems to be a major hindrance to you overcoming SA. You really need to contact a therapist and get help ASAP. You're still young at 24, it's not too late to change your life around.


I've no relatives anywhere near my age, or friends, at all. I don't actually feel young. I felt old at 20 and feel ancient at 24. Therapists don't go to people's homes here, and my GP won't come to the house. So I'm out of luck it would seem.


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## shwoop (Jul 6, 2014)

Your best bet is to try some of the things mentioned by the posters. Meditation, tai chi, going into the garden, going for a walk around your street... Baby steps, but keep at doing these things. Please keep me updated on your situation and feel free to PM if you need to talk.


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

Do a Google search for doctors who DO home visits, and get your mom to call if u can't. That other doctor is no use if he wont even do one or two home visits to start with.

Feel awful about u having to stay silent so neighbors don't hear u. I really feel for u.


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

You mom maybe does not want neighbors to hear u n talk about her n say she kept u shut in your whole life, n think she's a complete nut!! Maybe she is....I dunno. But either way now u have a severe problem, I think meds is the only way out of this, and meditation as an add on to the meds. Find a new doctor please please find one, and make sure the phone call really takes place.


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## derpresion (May 17, 2012)

what doctor are yall talking about? are there hikikomori doctors? how are they gonna cure/medicate him? and from what?

i think its completely up to u and understanding from other ppl. and read my previus comment. thats what u gotta do.

and stop feeling old, theres whole life for that. begin at like 30 at least..



> Start by ceasing all porn and video games. Destroy it. Get rid of TV. Your brain will start to recover. Meditate everyday. Do tai chi and discover your innerself. Pm me I will help you get out of this


yea cut out everything, dont watch anything, and just meditate and meditate, clear ur mind from anything, and just become..empty brain. observe divine lights now


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## Dayvan (Jan 5, 2011)

Selenium said:


> The ****?
> 
> Anyway, start slow. Begin by walking around your house until you feel comfortable. *Then start to walk around your neighborhood.* Start slow. Just keep pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. Remember to record it all.
> 
> The best thing for me is to remember that your neighbors really don't care about you. They're not judging you, they're going about their lives.


I can't even do that yet. I tried it and was extremely self-conscious the entire time. I'm afraid people will recognize me as "that guy who lives in that house who sometimes walks around the neighborhood". The idea that I can't control what the people who live near me think about me is very unsettling.

I also dislike being recognized if I go into a store more than once. I'm afraid they will try to establish a relationship with me and I won't be able to reciprocate their goodwill.

I don't mind being kind to other people, but I don't want people to know me, if that makes sense.


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

I hope and pray for you my friend !
I suffer from extreme social anxiety and I too have spent long periods at home alone and not getting out and overwhelmed with fear.

Just try hard to take small steps at a time to get out and slowly make contact with people; bit by bit over time and not give up. I know what it is to be in a living grave alone for a long long time with nothing but bare walls for company and it is a nightmare.

Bit by bit.
Step by step.
just try to make small amounts of progress like getting out of the house and walking down the street even if it is at night; then try it in the day time. Then try to get to the point where you can go to a store and walk into it.

Please hang in there friend and try !!!!


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## fattychan (Apr 16, 2013)

i used to be a hikikomori for about two years and then i got a part time job and everything changed. i managed to hold that job for about a year before moving onto a full time job. however, that one lasted only a month because of the corrupt management. even though i know it wasn't my fault, it took a huge blow to my confidence and now i find myself slowly regressing to the state i used to be in. however, i still maintain skills i've learned from breaking my routine. if you can manage to take that first step, keep moving forward. challenge yourself and do things out of your comfort zone. doesn't have to be anything big, just little things that eventually build up to even bigger things. you may surprise yourself like i did. even though i'm going through a rough period now, i still have more confidence than i ever did before. you just need to take that first step and then keep pushing on.


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## Some Information (Nov 24, 2013)

I wonder if OP watched "Welcome to NHK" anime? If not maybe you should.You might find some answers to your problem or atleast have something to do for some time.(Not gonna spoil here) Good luck.


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## munir (Jun 1, 2012)

DO your parents know about this?


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## Peterg73 (Jun 24, 2014)

Christ your mum needs help viper...Like many have said its time to take a big step forward,seek help or take some slow steps to getting out and about.

Good luck


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I'm worried what people would think if they saw me.


So imagine the worst and accept that. Imagine going outside and some neighbor coming out pointing and laughing at you. Imagine yourself looking at them and just smiling because you don't care about that stuff anymore. They have a right to their opinion. So, what if they don't like you or think you're weird or creepy? That's their opinion and they have a right to think that. You just have to accept that.

There is a part of you that doesn't want to accept people thinking badly of you. That's all you have to do. But you refuse to accept that so you run away from any situation where people may think badly of you. Running away is so much work and the only way to be really safe from people thinking badly of you is to be completely alone. Don't you think that's too high a price to pay?

All you have to do is accept people thinking the worst of you. Don't accept the negativity but accept that that is who they are and that is what they think. If you can just accept them as they are you will be free to be yourself.

But resisting and running away are tough habits to break. It takes practice to learn to accept people, accept the world and accept yourself.

Go out for a walk tonight and practice.

(I haven't read the entire thread so I apologize if I missed something)


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## Tinabelle (Jun 27, 2014)

I overcame agoraphobia with panic disorder by writing down some goals I had. I would then break down the steps and write down small steps of how to achieve the goals.
For example: To Check the mail
-Do deep abdominal breathing before hand
-Put on coat and shoes
-Grab keys
-Open door 
-Lock door
-Walk down hallway
-Get inside elevator and go downstairs
-Check mail
(Mind you in the beginning I would sometimes only get into the hallway and come back to my suite, but each time I became more and more confident and would go further. Some steps are better than none.)

I would visualize doing the steps at first. I would visualize myself doing the tasks confidently. I wrote down some mantras, and would read them when I started feeling anxiety, or a panic attack coming on. I would read "this too shall pass", "what's the worst that can happen?", "I've overcome feelings like this before, and I can now too." I expected anxiety and feelings of discomfort when trying to overcome my fears. I saw the anxiety as a good thing, because it meant I was facing my fears and trying to overcome them. I did deep abdominal breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation to calm my nerves. I also started eating healthier, and eliminating processed foods, increased my fruit and veggie intake as well as increasing my water intake and decreasing my caffeine intake. I take magnesium, calcium, a complex B vitamin, vitamin C, fish oil, and a multi vitamin. I find the magnesium helps me relax before venturing out. I also do insanity which is a intense workout. I find it helps release my built up energy and lowers my cortisol levels. I downloaded the Joseph Clough app on my phone and listened to the audio tracks which help improve my confidence. I also used his app to get over my fear of driving and now am taking driving lessons, and am able to drive my fiance around the city now. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to challenge my negative thinking patterns, which helped me realize how negative I was. Exposure therapy was the best thing that helped me though. Having an exposure buddy to be around me in the beginning felt mandatory. Now I am able to do things alone in public. Don't get me wrong, I still have anxiety and tend to isolate myself if I'm not careful because I'm an introvert, but I am constantly trying to self improve and challenge myself so I don't fall into a rut.

When I realized I wanted to overcome my fear of leaving home, I remember having similar anxious feelings. My house was my comfort zone and I wanted so badly to expand it. I felt anxious seeing people outside the window. When I would hear people in the hallway, I would become tense. Or if I passed someone in the hallway I would panic, or if I stood in the elevator with a stranger I would have a panic attack. Walking outside and hearing loud sounds, horns, or people, I would feel like it was directed towards me and panic. BUT, after exposing myself to it I became more comfortable with the situations, and continued to challenge myself.

Don't be ashamed of who you are. Just work on steps to improve your situation. And know that everyone here is proud of you for taking steps forward for admitting this. I never had enough guts to admit it at the time so kudos to you. You can beat this. Keep your chin up and never be afraid to ask for help. It sucks to be at home but it sounds like you are ready to make a life altering change.


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## Ponceau 4R (Nov 17, 2011)

Awkto Awktavious said:


> This reminds me of an old thread where the OP was a 30 year old in the same situation; some of the replies were pretty insensitive, hope it doesn't happen here.


I guess he went for the suicide pact


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I've no relatives anywhere near my age, or friends, at all. I don't actually feel young. I felt old at 20 and feel ancient at 24. Therapists don't go to people's homes here, and my GP won't come to the house. So I'm out of luck it would seem.


So that is that? You're not going to try anything else?

If I were you I would see if I can get a telephone consultation at least. See here:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Agoraphobia/Pages/Diagnosis.aspx


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## Slytherclaw (Jul 16, 2011)

Baby steps. I've been through this before - not for 4 years, but still - and it definitely requires baby steps so you don't freak yourself out and end up staying in for another decade out of fear.

Do you have a backyard? Somewhere you can step outside that's private? That would be a good first step. Then pick a time when there's the least amount of people outside and perhaps take a walk around your yard. Work up to taking a walk down the street, if possible.

I couldn't do any of that because I lived on an extremely busy road - it obviously complicated things with sensory overload, there were people everywhere all the time. I hope you live in a semi-quiet neighborhood. If not, that's fine too, just different steps are required.

I wish I had better advice. It seems like you're getting very good tips from other people, so I'm happy about that. Good luck!! :hug


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## P1e2 (Jan 18, 2014)

Yes agree that it takes small steps to gradually get out of the house. I like being at home most of the time and do leave my house for work, walks & shopping. Leaving my house takes great effort as staying in my house is preferable. It is like I make myself leave my house even to do something that is for fun. I really love being at home and like being close to home. Is there a career for hermits, ok just kidding and can't believe I'm a world traveler and my favorite place is at home.


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

Have u rang a doctor yet? (Not your moms one, a new one?)


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## Swagonite (Jun 24, 2014)

we are here for you OP and wish you the very best in your success!


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## shimauta (Aug 6, 2014)

Some Information said:


> I wonder if OP watched "Welcome to NHK" anime? If not maybe you should.You might find some answers to your problem or atleast have something to do for some time.(Not gonna spoil here) Good luck.


I second this. It's very emotionally compelling and relevant.

Your mother is your best friend and worst enemy in this case. You need to make her understand your desire to get better, and need to let her know that what you like from her is just emotional belief in you. Be sure to thank her first though for everything she's done for you so far and continues to do for you. But let her know that her shame and anxiety about your situation affects your own faith in yourself and ability to fight.

My suggestion, like many of the others, is just baby steps. Do you have a hoodie? I have similar experiences with being a hikikomori, though a milder form than yours, and I'm recovering. But by baby steps, I mean working on
getting the mail or taking out the garbage. I used to only be able to do those things after 10PM with a hoodie pulled over my head. And I had to work up my courage to do it each time. What it does is make you confront your fear each time, and eventually you get to pat yourself on the back for making a small step forward. After that, then think about spending some time in the yard or such if you have one.


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## Babyboo12 (Jun 9, 2014)

Hikikomori what a good name :0 I know some peole don't. Agree with it but I guess what really help me was more the medication than the stupid teraphist with her stupid simple words I really now I feel so old and ugly and self conscious about my a0arteance that I'm ashamed to go out but now I can be arounf my house or at least look at the miror. Or be around family or someone seem me with out feeling nervous but still gettin hard for me to go out with the way I look I guess there nothing likr pill bc I been trying to relax or any natural techniques it's wasted 9f time


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

Hey guys. I just wanted to post an update. I still haven't left the house. I was wondering if there is anyone else on SAS who has lived as a shut-in for a long time, and would like to chat. Please PM me if so. I've actually talked to a few people online who have been in similar situations.


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## shwoop (Jul 6, 2014)

How you going mate? Any progress on the situation?


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## going going Gone (Nov 24, 2014)

your parents should be in prison for allowing you to stay like this for so long. This is child abuse. There must be something wrong with them.


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## Stookified666 (Jan 6, 2015)

I was like this for almost a year in 2011 and It ****ing sucked. I had similar experiences and the one thing as every said is baby steps. Go outside for a lil bit and then do a but more at your pace. What really got me to really step out in the world was the monotony and utter boredom that forced me to think to my self nothing could get worse so I really pushed my self with help of some meds, and parents to find my own path which is still cloudy but I am sure that it is with a lot of people. I hope you are going welll  and be strong!!


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## mark1232k6 (Jul 21, 2016)

Hi there, I came across this post and want to know how you have gotten on 2 years later, I too have the problem of leaving the house from the age of 15 which you can imaging affected my personality, sociably awkwardness etc and only got worst until i done something about it at the age of 21 or atleast tried too. Replying back would be much appreciated. thanks!


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

I am in a similar situation to you OP, i rarely left my house for almost 3 years, and i get anxiety just going on the street


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

I also haven't really left the house much this year. I just don't have a reason to. Why would I go out? It sucks.


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## NoCombovers (Apr 29, 2016)

Unless you also have some medical or physical impediment, it is only your thoughts which have led you to the situation you have today.
All the thoughts that you have had in order to get where you are (assuming you are still in this situation of which you wrote about), did not occur overnight. It quite likely that if you identify what these thoughts are, that you can eliminate each of them as not being true and not being valid, since it is not likely that they are true or valid.

I am assuming that you have a desire to leave the house or that being at home/in your room all the time is something you don't want. Neither I nor anyone else can assume there is a problem with this if not.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*Kinda similar to me*

I'm never sure when to stay in or go & get. I hate deliveries. I like to source stuff by myself.

never really agoraphobic. Just bored of the external world if nobody offers me an occupation.

TV & internet are plentiful reason to stay in. I was that way age 16 at school in summer with parents; no internet. Just TV and video games. Biggest house I ever lived in and never will have any life like that again.

I do stare out the window too much. Tyres rolling around our loosely-gravelly surface sounds like triumphant clapping all the time. Road noise. I keep peeking out. Worst is the volume of people in/out of this block all day long. I swear this sounds like explosive TNT with every doorbang, building shuddering. Every car door closure sounds like a bomb. That'll be 5 people in a car... bang! bang! bang! bang! bang! 72 apartments in a quad walled enclosure. I let doors close silently. Best comfort I get is neighbours' cats who all run, leaping at me when I come out or arrive home. Gym is important to get me out & get fit. In there, I can't speak to anyone. That is bewilderingly embarrassing. The trainers always nod & wink at me when I arrive or leave.

I like changes. Close friend takes me 5 minutes to walk via bridge and waterside, most days. Having moved more eastwards from town centre - where I did live decades ago with others, I take my bike to get over there to get to pub. I can barely afford any drinks. Getting awkward being a freeloader. Sometimes even flow.

Toughest is unable to communicate with his friends. I can't hear a word of what they say!

Best is getting home by bike at night when there is no traffic. Three broad lanes I can ride before sunset. Feels like a mini cheap holiday

life has involved a bit of time in police cells this year and last. Supermarket confusion. Getting about, I need wheels. Often 2 wheels - zero stress. In charge of road and pedestrianised areas simultaneously. Weird that I get stressed about driving. All was fine being out of town, heading to work in other cities for years. Now work, I just drive across dense town traffic for groceries. The stress was on the engine, but the stress transferred to me, too. I lost that car. Next car. Money wasted on repairs and service and insurance when I don't have work to pay for stuff... can't sell any old car.


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

Necro-thread.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Madness and death will come for you, better find a way or you will die quickly.


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## BarbM (Oct 28, 2015)

Your mom definitely needs help too. Keeping you home like that and not doing anything to help you go out more (and even telling you to be quiet so neighbours won't hear you) shows that she has serious problems.

But first you need to save yourself. As others already suggested, you need to take baby steps. Don't expect it to be pleasant, it won't be, but there's simply no other way to overcome our fears than to face them little by little and get out of our comfort zone. Get in touch with a mental health professional. There must be some who do come to your home, or at least talk to them on the phone or through email. 

You need to talk to someone who can actually help you, encourage you and motivate you to take action, not just people who are in a similar situation and don't leave their homes either! Talking with people who are in a smililar situation helps you feel more connected with others and that's good, but it won't help you much in actually overcoming your situation unless they are willing to do it too and you encourage each other in taking action and overcoming your fears. It's not a small situation you've gotten yourself into, you need professional help or someone who can see your situation from a broader perspective (not feeling the same as you), someone who can encourage you, stand beside you and guide you on the way out. 

You seem motivated to make a change, so gather all your strenght and take action, get help and take baby steps.

I truly wish you the best of luck and sending you a big hug! Keep us posted!

Barbara


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

It's been almost 1.5 years since OP has logged on. So maybe he did ended up finally leaving his house and is now out there loving life and traveling from one end of the world to another!


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## bbrownleather (Jun 7, 2015)

Blue Dino said:


> It's been almost 1.5 years since OP has logged on. So maybe he did ended up finally leaving his house and is now out there loving life and traveling from one end of the world to another!


i hope so :rain


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## Michael1983 (Jul 21, 2015)

Let's hope so! ^snap^


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## Eveee (Nov 19, 2015)

RedViperofDorne said:


> Hey guys. I haven't really posted about this before. I felt too ashamed. I haven't been outside my house at all since the summer of 2010. It's been around 1,500 days since I left the house. I've actually rarely left my room in that timespan. I'm completely dependent on my parents. It's been so long since I left the house, I'm scared of what might happen if I do. I'm basically a hikikomori, which is someone who never leaves their home and has no social interaction at all. I actually feel scared if I peek out of my window and see people walking along. I get scared when the phone rings in case it's someone asking to talk to me. The thought of actually talking to another person is terrifying to me. It's been so long since I talked to anyone other than my mum, I almost can't remember what it feels like. I think I might be going stir crazy from being stuck in the house for so long, but I'm too afraid to go outside. I got a message recently from someone else on SAS who said they were in a similar position to me, and they wanted to do a suicide pact with me. I don't want that, but I'm really struggling. I would like to become a functioning adult somehow, but feel completely stuck. I guess I wanted to ask what you guys think about all of this.


HI, there was a period of time where I was scared to leave my house too. I can't even make it out of my front door before I start to panic. I had a lot of self talk, that it's going to be okay and slowly tried. At first, it was to the grocery store to get something...then gradually travelling by bus to somewhere.

I would say don't give yourself so much stress about going out of the house. I mean, for me, during that period of time, I would force myself to go out and be very disappointed when I could not do it. Take small manageable steps to de-condition yourself.

All the best. Do message me if you need someone to talk to.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

This thread is a real blast from the past for me~ still remember talking with OP about stuff way back then. Can always hope he is doing well.


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## plastics (Apr 11, 2010)

I'm not going to lie, your situation is severe. 

You have to start slowly. Start by going to the living room and spending time there, like read a book there or something. Talk to your family. Then start looking out your window for a few minutes everyday..gradually do it more often. 
After that, if you have a porch go sit on your porch. If you don't, step onto your yard. Read a book or something outside. 

If you continue to be unable to do these things yourself, I would seek professional help.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

You have a lot of support here...lean on that to eventually and progressively get you out the door


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

Looks like he log on recently, can you give us an update op?

Like everyone said, you've got to take slow steps to get out of this predicament. Maybe reach out to a counselor or ask your parents for advice. The hardest part is to take the first step but it gets easier once you get in the habit of getting out there. 

Anyways, I hope you get the help you need to Improve this situation.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Blue Dino said:


> It's been almost 1.5 years since OP has logged on. So maybe he did ended up finally leaving his house and is now out there loving life and traveling from one end of the world to another!


He logged on yesterday.

Threads like these are so strange that I find them hard to believe. If it's true it's terrible but I can actually relate to it to some extent. The temptation to remove yourself from everything is quite understandable - but obviously not good.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

Some advice for the OP. Watch "Welcome to the NHK
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC2F856268A9CEDB7
Then see an MD who can prescribe you some maoi's so you can go 
to some interviews or classes. OP seems like 26 now, not too late. 
There are others here who started to turn things around at 24, 25
after being a neet for a year or more.


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## RedViperofDorne (Jan 2, 2011)

I have been getting email alerts about people responding to this thread and messaging me. A few people have asked me to post an update, so here I am. I eventually left my house in May 2015. That was the first time I had left my house since June 2010. I did not leave the house for a total of 59 months, which is approximately 1,800 days. Since I left my house on that date, I have been outside on a handful of occasions. I have been outside 5 times in the past 14 months. On each of those occasions that I left the house, I was outside for less than an hour before returning home. 

I realise this could be regarded as progress considering I did not leave the house for 5 years previously, but not much has actually changed. I am still a no-life hermit. I can not imagine a scenario where I am able to go out in public on a regular basis. Before I venture outside, I have to prepare myself for at least a week in advance to be able to do it. I also look outside the window to check if there is anyone around outside the house who looks intimidating. I would urge anyone with social anxiety to do whatever is necessary to ensure they do not end up in a similar situation. Whether that is therapy, medication or something else, just do something. If you don't address the issue it can spiral out of control and leave you in a hopeless situation.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I have been getting email alerts about people responding to this thread and messaging me. A few people have asked me to post an update, so here I am. I eventually left my house in May 2015. That was the first time I had left my house since June 2010. I did not leave the house for a total of 59 months, which is approximately 1,800 days. Since I left my house on that date, I have been outside on a handful of occasions. I have been outside 5 times in the past 14 months. On each of those occasions that I left the house, I was outside for less than an hour before returning home.
> 
> I realise this could be regarded as progress considering I did not leave the house for 5 years previously, but not much has actually changed. I am still a no-life hermit. I can not imagine a scenario where I am able to go out in public on a regular basis. Before I venture outside, I have to prepare myself for at least a week in advance to be able to do it. I also look outside the window to check if there is anyone around outside the house who looks intimidating. I would urge anyone with social anxiety to do whatever is necessary to ensure they do not end up in a similar situation. Whether that is therapy, medication or something else, just do something. If you don't address the issue it can spiral out of control and leave you in a hopeless situation.


Good on you!


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## NoCombovers (Apr 29, 2016)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I would urge anyone with social anxiety to do whatever is necessary to ensure they do not end up in a similar situation. Whether that is therapy, medication or something else, just do something.


What about doing the same for yourself?

It might seem insurmountable to go from where you feel you are now, to some other way of being or living, but in actuality it is not. It just seems that way because of the thoughts you have come to believe.

Your mind is very powerful and it will accept whatever you have come to believe.

If you believe "I am a worthless", your mind says "OK". 
If you believe "I am an idiot", your mind says "OK".
If you believe "I am attractive", your mind says "OK".
If you believe "Its dangerous outside my house", your mind says "OK".
If you believe "Outside my room/house stuff is just too difficult to deal with", your mind says "OK"
If you believe "I will be fine just in my room", your mind says "OK".
If you believe "I can do anything I want", your mind says "OK".
If you believe "I am no different to anyone else", your mind will say "OK".
If you believe "I can go out for a walk", your mind will say "OK".

You can test this but making small alterations to what you usually do each day and see what happens.


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## scribe (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like your parents are definitely part of the problem. You need to take matters into your own hands at this point. Start taking forward steps, and make them very small. Like, just walking out into your yard at night. Hang out there for a little while. Then a little longer the next night. Then try it during the day, etc. You get the idea. Work your way up to walking to the end of your street during daytime. From there, maybe you can consult with a professional. You can do it.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

I really don't understand you guys. Why exactly are you telling him to start going outside? Just because you like it doesn't mean it's what everyone should do.


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> I really don't understand you guys. Why exactly are you telling him to start going outside? Just because you like it doesn't mean it's what everyone should do.


Well the person who made this thread is obviously not happy with being a shut in . If he doesn't like or wouldn't want to go outside he would have never made a thread like this . Its a desperate cry for help i guess .


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

Aribeth said:


> I really don't understand you guys. Why exactly are you telling him to start going outside? Just because you like it doesn't mean it's what everyone should do.


I agree with this. Society commands people to go outside and have fun like there's no tomorrow. If you don't, you are a weirdo.

At my case, my dopamine receptors can't receive any signal from socialization. I get the same pleasure from socialization just like starring on an empty wall. Some doctors have diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder. Complete abstinence from any kind of socialization nor any desire to. I had few friends in the past, but eventually I pushed every single one of them because I couldn't find any reason to hang out with people plus they were making me anxious because of my SAD.

I don't like hanging out, I don't like people. I rarely leave the house and if I do, I go for hiking at the mountains and forests where there are no people or go cycling alone, and just like the OP said, after I make sure that there's nobody outside my house or starring from the balcony.

My parents are worried about me, I go out now and then (for jogging or just fitness walking to spend my time, to keep my heart pumping normally to continue living my living hell) but they know that I don't have any friends anymore and they are curious of what happened and I ended up completely alone. They are expecting from me to hang out with people, find a girl and get married in the future. Well, this is a sci-fi scenario, this is never going to happen. I can't stand people for more than 5 minutes, only when I am drunk. 
Sometimes they force me to go out or just to go out with my sister. My sister is 19 and she's completely the opposite of me. They tell me "hang out with your sister, you need to leave the home". I just say I'm busy, leave me alone.
I wish I could get a job at a south pole research station and stay there forever, away from the crowded society.

In conclusion, OP is not like me, he wants to go out but he can't.
I strongly recommend finding a doctor that you will prescribe you benzos or any other strong GABA agonist to keep you out of your house. It might work or it might not. While you are buzzed, you can walk around parks, neighboorhood etc and you wont give a damn about other people. When you'll start feeling more comfortable, you can give up on medicine.
When I am forced by my family to go out to pay a bill for instance, I pop a benzo and everything is easier. [I take benzos PRN]

My situation is very bad, and my excessive boredom of zero life makes me want to look for harder drugs like opiates because I can't remember the last time I smiled (it might be months or more) or had a good time. My emotions are neutral and now and then I have bursts of depression. Now I realised why some people end up addicts and can't act without their dose. One single shot for a temporary sense of happiness can really f*** up your life.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

teopap said:


> I agree with this. Society commands people to go outside and have fun like there's no tomorrow. If you don't, you are a weirdo.
> 
> At my case, my dopamine receptors can't receive any signal from socialization. I get the same pleasure from socialization just like starring on an empty wall. Some doctors have diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder. Complete abstinence from any kind of socialization nor any desire to. I had few friends in the past, but eventually I pushed every single one of them because I couldn't find any reason to hang out with people plus they were making me anxious because of my SAD.
> 
> ...


Aww :squeeze nice post, here's some luv


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## Memory (Mar 4, 2011)

I was agoraphobic for like 5 months but I still would do stuff once in a while. And maybe it was just depression. idk

I think start by seeing a counselor so you have some sort of support. Also tell your parents you want to get better if they might help. Eventually try joining an anxiety support group to be around people with similar issues so you don't feel as alone. (even if you just sit there not talking, it's still exposure)

It takes motivation and a lot of work though which can be difficult if you have depression. My family would have to force me out of bed sometimes until I'd go out of the house and do something. lol

It's about getting out of your comfort zone, so any small step helps. Tag along somewhere with your parents, or go for a walk outside. Maybe find a goal like if you want to get fit, it gives an excuse to get outside. Or play Pokemon Go haha. If you end up a nervous wreck after an encounter, slow down, don't be so hard on yourself, and don't give up. It's painful but that means it's working.


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## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> I really don't understand you guys. Why exactly are you telling him to start going outside? Just because you like it doesn't mean it's what everyone should do.


I think the main reason is about as much as him going outside. But his inability to go outside seems to be inhibiting for him to function and be self-sufficient for himself in the long run. He explains himself as a no-life hermit and he's unhappy about it.

If he could at least make a living for himself without going outside and is still happy and comfortable with this, then I would agree with your point above.


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## railcar82594 (Mar 1, 2016)

RedViperofDorne said:


> I have been getting email alerts about people responding to this thread and messaging me. A few people have asked me to post an update, so here I am. I eventually left my house in May 2015. That was the first time I had left my house since June 2010. I did not leave the house for a total of 59 months, which is approximately 1,800 days. Since I left my house on that date, I have been outside on a handful of occasions. I have been outside 5 times in the past 14 months. On each of those occasions that I left the house, I was outside for less than an hour before returning home.
> 
> I realise this could be regarded as progress considering I did not leave the house for 5 years previously, but not much has actually changed. I am still a no-life hermit. I can not imagine a scenario where I am able to go out in public on a regular basis. Before I venture outside, I have to prepare myself for at least a week in advance to be able to do it. I also look outside the window to check if there is anyone around outside the house who looks intimidating. I would urge anyone with social anxiety to do whatever is necessary to ensure they do not end up in a similar situation. Whether that is therapy, medication or something else, just do something. If you don't address the issue it can spiral out of control and leave you in a hopeless situation.


I didn't realize it was that severe. Are you seeing some mental health services? is it available or you and your family can't afford it? Sorry your life is like this currently. Hope it gets better.


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## derpresion (May 17, 2012)

get pokemon go!!!!!!


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## sparklygreenkitty (Jul 16, 2016)

OP, one thing to remember is that you're an adult. At your age, your parents don't have a legal hold on you. You're no longer a child, and if your parents believe they're doing good for you by keeping you this way, they're wrong. What would happen to you if they got in a car accident? Or had heart attacks? I'm not trying to scare you, but parents who think they're protecting their children this way always set them up for failure. I've heard too many stories about shut-ins whose parents passed away. Not a happy ending among any of them.

Here's another thing to remember: this isn't going to be solved in a short matter of time. And you'll encounter setbacks. A not-so-good analogy is like losing weight. Ideally, you'll keep shedding pounds until you're at the weight you want. But in reality, you'll lose pounds, gain some, lose some, gain even more, stagnate, lose pounds...

Getting out of your current situation is going to be like that. You might be comfortable standing out in the yard one day, freak out the next and wonder why you ever dared that, venture into one room the other day, stay in your room the next, attempt standing in the yard again... All right, I'm rambling. But the point is, you have to create a new "normal" for you, the kind of "normal" you want. But you have to keep at it, even with setbacks.

Years ago, I would not have been comfortable with speaking to total strangers. But now, I can make small talk (as much as I loathe it). It took me years to get to this point, and there are still days when I feel like I can't even mention the weather. Call it a minor setback, or old habits wanting to creep back in.

All my best, friend.


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## Kindest Demon (Jul 29, 2013)

The only thing I can say is best of luck. Sounds like you had & have a very rough time of things. 

I haven't been able to read all the posts because I don't have thenough attention span right now. However it sounds like you're getting a lot of different types of advice which is good. I really wanted to post something to suggest a little different approach though so here I am.

Number one did you ever try considering what the source of the anxiety is. Is it the noise, the light, the space or just the fact that somebody else might be there? Once you narrow this down it might be easier to try to overcome the difficulties.

I also want to suggest something a little smaller than taking steps outside to ease your anxiety. Maybe something simple like opening the drape a little bit but not looking outside may be sitting in your room with the door partially open. If you want to spend time with someone but are really anxious maybe you should have somebody in the next room over or on the other side of a while listening to their own music or reading a book. That way you don't have to interact with the person but they are still there. It's a lot smaller stuff than actually going outside but maybe you'll find a more specific answer to why you feel anxious.

This sounds a lot different than some of the other replies people have given but what can I say except that I'm all about the details. Seriously my entire life is about details I love lists and I love being able to narrow things down to a more manageable set of variables.

Again all I can really say is best of luck and I hope you find your happiness.


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## felizn (Jul 31, 2016)

Hey, How are you doing today?


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

teopap said:


> I agree with this. Society commands people to go outside and have fun like there's no tomorrow. If you don't, you are a weirdo.
> 
> At my case, my dopamine receptors can't receive any signal from socialization. I get the same pleasure from socialization just like starring on an empty wall. Some doctors have diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder. Complete abstinence from any kind of socialization nor any desire to. I had few friends in the past, but eventually I pushed every single one of them because I couldn't find any reason to hang out with people plus they were making me anxious because of my SAD.
> 
> I don't like hanging out, I don't like people. I rarely leave the house and if I do, I go for hiking at the mountains and forests where there are no people or go cycling alone, and just like the OP said, after I make sure that there's nobody outside my house or starring from the balcony.


Same. I just don't enjoy it. It annoys me, steals energy, makes me bored.
I want to smack the next person who tells me "but humans are social animals! You have to be social!" in the face.


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

MissMadonna said:


> Same. I just don't enjoy it. It annoys me, steals energy, makes me bored.
> I want to smack the next person who tells me "but humans are social animals! You have to be social!" in the face.


I'm glad you understand me. I haven't met a single person in my life that he is at least a bit introvert. People can't understand us. It's like you meet someone who doesn't like chocolate and you think "wat!! He doesn't like chocolate ???!!"
They can't understand how we can't be social and don't take any excitement from it. Social interactions is nothing different for me than going to a courtroom for my trial. I have no problems walking in a crowded street, but interractions with people is a living hell.
Everyone pushes me to socialize (parents, sister, relatives) and I'm not sure how to explain it to them, maybe I will draw a brain one day and try to explain them what's going on in it. I have a different wiring than most people.


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## Imaginos (Apr 13, 2016)

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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Imaginos said:


> Personally, I've been stuck inside my house for close to ten years now. Not consecutively mind you, but, even so, it's not like I've gone out all that much. My total time outside in all that is almost certainly less than 6-10 hours (discounting time spent in a vehicle). Also, I never leave the house unless I'm with one of my parents. The last time I left the house by myself was like three years ago for a short walk around the block at 3:00 AM. Naturally, I also have to be driven everywhere I need to go since I don't have a license (too anxious to get one, let alone drive on my own anyway). If it weren't for my mother & father, I'd have no means of maintaining such a reclusive lifestyle. The biggest issue I deal with these days is my crushing sense of loneliness. I have no friends at all, either online or offline, and haven't for longer than I've been a shut-in. Here's hoping the both of us can find what we're looking for.


That's pretty sad - sorry to hear it. Maybe try to make a few connections with people on here, at least some of us will have had a similar experience so might be able to relate to your situation.


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## Imaginos (Apr 13, 2016)

deleted


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## zero5221 (Jul 22, 2016)

you should definitely watch welcome to the NHK. It's a rather good anime about the hikikomori lifestyle. And don't worry I'm a bit of a hikikomori too. I would love to chat with u more if you don mind. You can private message me, 😊


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Imaginos said:


> Thanks. It's really not all that bad though. I have my folks after all, and I actually happen to live quite comfortably for someone who's been perpetually unemployed for nearly a decade now. I might be torn up inside, but at least I'm not totally alone. My mother, father, and brother all give me the space I need and are, mostly, willing to talk/listen to me when I'm feeling down (which happens to be a lot these days).
> 
> Their patience only goes so far, however, so it would certainly be nice to have others to communicate with about these sorts of things. Not only that, but being able to talk about something _*other*_ than my depression/gloominess would be a godsend. You see, I actually don't have much opportunity to talk about my interests/hobbies with my family members. I can usually talk about random stuff like video games, movies, TV etc. with my brother, but since he and I don't speak very often, what with him being in university and all, often I just have to make do with being conversation-less. As an example, it sucks watching something, like say the *latest episode of GoT for instance*, and having absolutely no one to talk about it with. Same goes for having no one to play co-op with in a particular game. It really reflects how forlorn I am which, more often than not, just makes me hate myself. Unfortunately, being able to break free from my anxiety and start building a casual talking relationship with someone, whether that be online or offline, feels completely insurmountable. Finding the confidence to have that not be so, definitely won't be easy for me. Odds are, I might just have to accept the fact that this is just the cross I have to bear in this life.


Have you had a look to see if there are any online communities that are fans of GoT - I'm sure there probably are lots of them. You could even start a thread about it in the General Discussion section or something on here. I know a lot of people love it.( one of the other members mentioned it in another thread recently and lots of people said they liked it.  )


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

Hi people,

I've decided to sign up to this site and this thread stood out to me as at one point I was stuck in doors for 4 years and 6 weeks I think it was. I thought this was a more recent thread but looking back at it it's from 2014.

I've done a bit of an introduction video talking about it. I was going to sign up and just make the usual Hi post, but I'm fed up of typing so much, so posting a video is the closest thing I can get to actually talking to someone. 

It's the biggest SA video I've ever done and I sort of just did it and went with it, without doing re takes etc.

But anyway, I can relate to being stuck in doors for huge periods of time due to anxiety, depression etc. 

You can overcome some of your anxiety and look back, wondering why on earth you were so anxious about certain things. 

I hope to make more progress but it's been a long and lonely road for me, being this mad. lol


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## Imaginos (Apr 13, 2016)

deleted


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

Where are you from in the UK RedViper?

I might know you from another mental health forum.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

@Imaginos 
how do your parents feel about your situation? 
You're at home since age 14 - were you homeschooled?



Brum Hiker said:


> I've done a bit of an introduction video talking about it. I was going to sign up and just make the usual Hi post, but I'm fed up of typing so much, so posting a video is the closest thing I can get to actually talking to someone.
> 
> It's the biggest SA video I've ever done and I sort of just did it and went with it, without doing re takes etc.


Where can we find the video?


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

teopap said:


> Everyone pushes me to socialize (parents, sister, relatives) and I'm not sure how to explain it to them, maybe I will draw a brain one day and try to explain them what's going on in it. I have a different wiring than most people.


Same here. Why can't they understand that if we don't get any enjoyment out of it, there is _no point_ in doing it. Why don't they believe us that we are not getting enjoyment from it.
The funny thing is, my dad has no friends either, yet he keeps telling me to go and join clubs, go outside and meet people etc. Even he doesn't believe me.


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

MissMadonna said:


> Same here. Why can't they understand that if we don't get any enjoyment out of it, there is _no point_ in doing it. Why don't they believe us that we are not getting enjoyment from it.
> The funny thing is, my dad has no friends either, yet he keeps telling me to go and join clubs, go outside and meet people etc. Even he doesn't believe me.


Because this is how we grew up. They taught us to socialize with people and have fun with them. Well, I can't have fun with them. When I had friends in the past I used to hang out with them for unknown reasons. Just because I liked to fit somewhere I guess, but in the long term I caught myself being sad and bored, because it was something I was forcing myself to do because...that's what people do.

In general I have nothing to talk about with people, even when I have to join a mountain hiking group only for safety reasons when I choose new trails to learn, I don't even have anything to talk with them.

I am like cats, independed animals!
I also have a pet cat, which has social anxiety and it's asocial like me :grin2:
He doesn't love to spend time with another cats and it's usually very scared of other cats making the funny noh-noh-noh sound when it's around other cats.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

MissMadonna said:


> @Imaginos
> how do your parents feel about your situation?
> You're at home since age 14 - were you homeschooled?
> 
> Where can we find the video?


Hi MissMadonna

Here's my video. :smile2:

I've spent years stuck in doors, and while I'm still struggling, and probably alway's will do, I'm better.

Today I walked around Birmingham City Centre in the UK.

Englands second city, the biggest outside of London.

I was around thousands of people, of all konds, and felt no anxiety what so ever.

I spoke to a few people, joked with a couple of people too. Ate fast food and did a little shopping.

Also went to my bank in my local town for a printed bank statement, and registered with a new GP.

I hope all my overseas SA sufferers can understand my accent btw.

I was born close to Ozzy Osbourne so I'm like a younger, more coherent version of him, having done less drugs and booze.>

Please try and make it to the end btw. :laugh:


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## Imaginos (Apr 13, 2016)

deleted


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## JohnB (Oct 14, 2015)

Nice video, You make a good point on the accents. I really dont watch to much of any TV from the UK. So with that said i find your accent pretty cool. I imagine the people you run into on the trails do to. You seem pretty normal and while my SA is not that bad i can relate with what you talking about. Good luck on the next hike im 40lbs overweight so i understand that to.


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## The Notorious D.B.L (Aug 2, 2016)

JohnB said:


> Nice video, You make a good point on the accents. I really dont watch to much of any TV from the UK. So with that said i find your accent pretty cool. I imagine the people you run into on the trails do to. You seem pretty normal and while my SA is not that bad i can relate with what you talking about. Good luck on the next hike im 40lbs overweight so i understand that to.


Thanks mate

My accent is like Marmite over here. Either, people either love it or hate it.

I'm not even sure you know what Marmite is. lol I think you call it veggimite?

It's nice to know some thinks it's cool. No one over here would describe it as that, even the ones who love it. :laugh:

Sometimes I feel normal, other times I feel bonkers. :laugh:

It's nice to come across more normal.

Yeah I've got 70 lbs that need shifting and my pack weighs over 20lbs so it can get hard going.

Need to get back into the habit of getting outdoors every couple of weeks, and get my damn weight down.


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## MrObscura (Aug 4, 2016)

Hey op, you're not alone man. While I'm not quite a hikikomori I am a recluse. I can interact with people and go out, but there are also times were the idea freaks me out. I rarely leave the house and it's resulted in my being a 34 year old unemployed man living at home without a penny to his name. Personally I do not mind the hermetic lifestyle, I prefer it, it's the lack of being able to support myself and having no future that's really gotten to me. 

Anyway, I noticed a lot of the fear of interaction and going can, at least for me, simply be overcome by saying "**** it" and realizing that it's on your terms and you can return to your house as soon as you feel like it. Go out do what you need/ want to do and then get home and go with your day. Granted it won't work for long extended periods out in the world, at least it didn't for me, hence my situation. It's really just a crutch and probably more of an enabler, but it might help you at least get out a little.


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## TheWarrior (Jul 9, 2016)

teopap said:


> I agree with this. Society commands people to go outside and have fun like there's no tomorrow. If you don't, you are a weirdo.
> 
> At my case, my dopamine receptors can't receive any signal from socialization. I get the same pleasure from socialization just like starring on an empty wall. Some doctors have diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder. Complete abstinence from any kind of socialization nor any desire to. I had few friends in the past, but eventually I pushed every single one of them because I couldn't find any reason to hang out with people plus they were making me anxious because of my SAD.
> 
> I don't like hanging out, I don't like people. I rarely leave the house and if I do, I go for hiking at the mountains and forests where there are no people or go cycling alone, and just like the OP said, after I make sure that there's nobody outside my house or starring from the balcony.


Haha, you just described me. xD
That's the point, we don't find pleasure in socializing. Instead it makes me anxious, it's a bad thing to me.

You mentioned dopamine, I think you're right, it's something in our brain. Somehow our brain sees socializing as negative and non-pleasurable, while other things like reading, playing games and drawing is something my brain sees as positive and pleasurable.

That's weird but if somehow we could change it, like saying to our brain that socializing is positive and can be pleasurable, then we could see life with people in a different way.


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## MrObscura (Aug 4, 2016)

Yeah, I have no desire to "hang out" with people. I much, much rather be left alone. It's far more enjoyable. That's one thing I do not want to change, I don't suddenly want to be "sociable." I wouldn't be be then. As ****ed up as my life is, I still rather be me.


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

JacktheNewOne
I think it's difficult to change it. It's like forcing yourself to eat a food you find disguisting. At one point it can be tolerable, but it's 95% sure that you won't ever like it.
When I first tried barley grass powder with water for the health benefits, I was almost ready to vomit. Now I am used to its disguisting grassy flavor, but I I will never enjoy it.
I mean that if I ever manage to get a job that will have to do with lots of people, I will tolerate people but I won't enjoy interacting with them, only because I am forced to. 
Some people say "I like working in the mall! You talk and interacting with too many different people!"
Well, I don't like people and never will. The reward center in our brain (dopamine receptors) very rarely changes its preferrences.

MrObscura
I also enjoy alone time. Even the most exciting thing on this planet can be the worst experience when I am surrounded by people. I love hiking alone in the nature, but when there are other people envolved, I absolutely hate it.


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## Glycerin (Jun 26, 2016)

Imaginos said:


> Sure, I'd like to stand on my own two feet and be independent someday, but if I could just manage to feel content in my existing surroundings*, staying here indefinitely maybe wouldn't be such a bad future either.*


What would you do when your parents die?


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## Imaginos (Apr 13, 2016)

deleted


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## MrObscura (Aug 4, 2016)

My hermetic lifestyle in and off itself doesn't bother me the majority of the time. And in the past I could feel content most of the time*.* I'd suffer bouts of depression, but I'd eventually be able to pull myself out of it. But this time the fact that I cannot support myself and have no future has depressed the hell out of me and I'm really struggling. If it wasn't for that living like this for the rest of my days wouldn't be all that terrible of an existence for me.

I'm stuck. I can't move forward because the idea of venturing out into the world and holding a job scares the **** out of me, and I can't go on depressed like this. My only hope is that I'm broken completely and the depression somehow, someway lifts off allowing me to resign myself to the fact that this will be my life for the rest of my days and that I will never be a functioning adult. But as mentioned, what happens when the people who support me are no longer around?


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## GenreSpooky (Jun 2, 2016)

MrObscura said:


> My hermetic lifestyle in and off itself doesn't bother me the majority of the time. And in the past I could feel content most of the time*.* I'd suffer bouts of depression, but I'd eventually be able to pull myself out of it. But this time the fact that I cannot support myself and have no future has depressed the hell out of me and I'm really struggling. If it wasn't for that living like this for the rest of my days wouldn't be all that terrible of an existence for me.
> 
> I'm stuck. I can't move forward because the idea of venturing out into the world and holding a job scares the **** out of me, and I can't go on depressed like this. My only hope is that I'm broken completely and the depression somehow, someway lifts off allowing me to resign myself to the fact that this will be my life for the rest of my days and that I will never be a functioning adult. But as mentioned, what happens when the people who support me are no longer around?


Same here.

I'm 21 and go out from time to time with my mother but unaided, I feel very self conscious. That said, I've been trying to become more independent over the past year. At first I brushed off my fears, naively thinking as I get older everything will eventually sort itself out.

Alas my anxiety has heightened over the years and I'm trying to overcome it by wearing different clothes and observing other peoples behavioural patterns in an attempt to adopt the mannerisms of people, but that's lead to becoming more self conscious and insecure. Being already on the autistic spectrum what hope do I have of living a fulfilling life? A one unburdened by fear?

Unlikely I would presume. But we can only hope.


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## Honora Fuego (Jul 22, 2016)

I hope Op is okay. I've been the same for 2 years..if I go outside I do nothing meaningful anyway. I don't know how to do anything right and don't know how to be a proper human. It's debilitating but my s.a.d controls me.


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## Hope93 (Aug 22, 2016)

I ve had those feelings of terror too! There was a period of time where I simply couldn t leave the house alone, I felt too scared to face other people, and to some extent to be judged negatively. I would go out in company but not alone. Have you tried going out somewhere with your parents? Or even simply gone to the park alone? You don t need to socialise in the park, you can just sit somewhere and read a book, or listen to some music, if you do it often you will start to relax and you might get used to being surrounded with people, even though there is no social interaction going on. My social anxiety was really bad before because I feared human contact, and because of that I never left my comfort zone, I would avoid all situations where I would feel anxious, including going out with new people, or interviews, and that bought me to feeling depressed and very lonely. I started off with doing baby steps everyday, try and write down some short term goals you want to achieve every day, for example, make it a habit to have a walk outside for 15 mins, doesn t matter where you go, just going outdoors will make you feel heaps better. And then gradually increase the time, and you can attempt going to the park every day. Start with the small things. Also try and write down how you feel when you are anxious, what your thoughts are, and how you behave and react to those thoughts and feelings. That way you are more aware of things.


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## Hope93 (Aug 22, 2016)

Also, I was wondering, don t you feel bored after a while at home? You can always get a job where you are self employed and work from home, it is a good motivation!


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## Olivier (Apr 9, 2021)

RedViperofDorne said:


> Hey guys. I haven't really posted about this before. I felt too ashamed. I haven't been outside my house at all since the summer of 2010. It's been around 1,500 days since I left the house. I've actually rarely left my room in that timespan. I'm completely dependent on my parents. It's been so long since I left the house, I'm scared of what might happen if I do. I'm basically a hikikomori, which is someone who never leaves their home and has no social interaction at all. I actually feel scared if I peek out of my window and see people walking along. I get scared when the phone rings in case it's someone asking to talk to me. The thought of actually talking to another person is terrifying to me. It's been so long since I talked to anyone other than my mum, I almost can't remember what it feels like. I think I might be going stir crazy from being stuck in the house for so long, but I'm too afraid to go outside. I got a message recently from someone else on SAS who said they were in a similar position to me, and they wanted to do a suicide pact with me. I don't want that, but I'm really struggling. I would like to become a functioning adult somehow, but feel completely stuck. I guess I wanted to ask what you guys think about all of this.


Same boat


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Who is it that thinks they are afraid? You _think _it's you. Who are you? Beyond thought. Who are you? You don't have to know.  If you say "I don't know" then you know.

You either get it or you don't. Either way, it's okay.


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Not to leaf or to leaf


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