# To all the Single Men: What is it keeping you single?



## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

Deleted For Privacy Reasons.


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## Tabris (Jul 14, 2013)

My looks are the main thing holding me back, and there's nothing I can really do about that. 
I also have little in common with most girls.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

I don't go out to meet any. I couldn't be bothered to put on a particular persona to attract anyone. I think i'm too vapid or insular for most people.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

Meeting people after college can be challenging even for those without SA, let alone those with SA.
Of the social events where I have the potential to meet people my age to date, with difficulty I can mingle with people or even make platonic friends. SA puts asking girls out to dates just out of reach most of the time.
I'm well above average in terms of education, and it can be a challenge get along with people educated on a more average level, and there are only so many people with my level of education out there.
I'm asian. In my experience, about half of asian girls refuse to date asian guys, and a subset of those actively denounce asian guys, so going for other asians is not a great option. As for dating other races, the chances are even worse.
I'm in my 20s. Girls my age are in relatively high demand.

Despite all of these challenges, I'm still trying to make the best of what I have, instead of complaining about what I think I am entitled to like a typical socialist would.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

I've accepted my personality wont be remotely desirable to about 90-95% of women and I don't see why I should change myself 

I didn't do well in the looks department

I don't actively seek girls out, not bothered enough to look, I go to work and come home and hibernate

When bored and looking at dating sites out of interest I'm aware a lot of girls around my age or a bit younger are seriously starting to consider kids or already have them, I don't want them so whats the point of me going down that road

The whole..going on dates and getting to know people seems about as fun as going to dentist in my mind

I've been in a couple of relationships before, I found the negatives to outweigh the positives, I just can't be arsed for that again, maybe its just because I've had bad relationships but when its all you know :sus

Eh, That'll do, anxiety yeah why not anxiety, I probably wouldnt launch myself into a bush to avoid talking to girls these days instead I'd just be incredibly awkward and kill the conversation


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

My looks, SA, financial situation, can't drive. But even with all these problems I somehow manage to get gfs. The main issue right now is that I'm tired of disappointing people. I'm not going to be responsible for ruining any more lives with my various disorders. People are better off without me.


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## peyandkeele (Dec 5, 2013)

I refuse to date any girl that i wont be compatible with. But finding that girl is hard, plus the few times i met said girl, i just couldnt get her to like me. I just dont understand how you get girls to like you, i dont understand the process of getting a gf. I could just ask girls out randomly, but i dont know how to go about "wooing" a girl to make her more likely to say yes when i do ask her out. I have a bunch of other flaws that would make being in a relationship hard, but the thing keeping me from actually getting in a relationship is my lack of knowledge on how to get girls to want to be around me, and spend time with, and all around like me.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Just don't care anymore. I have better things to do.


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## ChickenMcNuggets (Sep 17, 2014)

Too shy, don't like bars and clubs, can't find someone of my intelligence level in the town where I'm living right now - which is why I'd ideally like to move, if I don't succeed in finding someone soon.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

I'm not functional or independent enough to be in a relationship. There are a million other things in my life that I would have to get in order before I would even think about trying to date.

Really, being single is so far from being my biggest problem that it's not something I even think about all that much.


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

I've only had about 1.5 years during which I'd consider myself mentally stable enough to date. Whenever I get better something bad happens and my mind drifts off into some mild depression where I don't necessarily feel terrible, but I don't have the energy to consistently act happy. It's happening again I'm afraid..

Aside from that, some minor things lowering the amount of opportunities I get:


I feel uncomfortable at parties or other busy/loud occasions, which limits the chances of hooking up with someone when drunk

I don't smoke, less opportunity for private time with smokers

Feel no desire to chase a girl purely on looks/first impression, I always want to get to know her before making a move. Sadly this takes more time than just approaching every attracative girl until one bites.

Too high standards compared to my looks

Mainly the mental stability though, I appear very disinterested when I feel like this.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

A lack of will and effort.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Partially the lack of effort, but you get to be my age, and the pool thins out.


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## projectfear22 (Oct 19, 2014)

- not trying
- lack of conversations
- not seeming confident/tough enough (excluding muscles)

That's that


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

anxiety, being weird, not wanting kids. I keep going for girls who are more broken than me, which takes the focus off my problems but also makes things difficult.


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## DasBoot89 (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm single because I never learned how to make friends. And if you don't know how to make friends, you don't know how to escalate to romantic relationship status.

I'm 25 and the forming of good platonic friendships as well as romantic relationships is a complete mystery to me.

PS, I don't want kids either, or to get married. But you don't have to tell anyone that. However, eventually, you'll have to be comfortable with breaking it off because most all younger women want to experience marriage and reproduction at least once in their lifetimes.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

Feel the chance of finding anyone would be very low given the level of compatibility I want.

Not sure I really want a relationship.

Too old.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

1. I don't have a network of friends. I rely on online dating to meet women. 

2. I'm not ugly, but I'm also not good looking enough to have women pursue me.

3. Golddiggers.


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

anxiety/depression and my shyness and isolation

i could also be more physically fit

I would say finances too, but my anxiety/depression preceed that and is one of the main reasons why I don't have a job.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Don't want one.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Lack of a good social circle or friends. Most women would avoid a dude that has no friends or very little social life. Also without a social circle your chances of meeting someone are heavily reduced.
My depression/anxiety issues. Because of these I don't project a very good image or first impression to people I encounter. Not that I'm rude or anything, but I don't come off as an outgoing, happy, confident guy...that's for sure.
 My height. Yes, this one is rather superficial, but it's true. At 5'5" I'm well below average height for a guy. It just further reduces the pool of women that would be willing to date me. Most women will not go out with a guy who's much shorter than they are.
My inability to approach/initiate with women in real life. I have a very difficult time approaching women or starting a conversation. This is typically an area that men are expected to take the lead in, and I'm a pretty big fail at it.
So it's really not any one thing, but a combination of things that add up and typically do a pretty good job of keeping me single.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I don't want a relationship. I'm content casually dating, though I haven't done that in a while because I'm trying to focus on getting a life and making friends. I don't really want a relationship until that stuff is sorted out first.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

all the single men, all the single men...

for me it would mostly be a lack of hobbies, interests, and overall personality.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Lack of self-confidence
Lacking the "natural" drive for men to take charge of women.
Fear of being labeled creepy
Thinking that women would be disgusted if they knew I wanted to bone them.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

For the most part I'm content w/ living in solitude but the handful of ladies that I clicked & didn't mind being around were/are either already taken, don't want to be in a relationship at the moment or live on the other side of the coast. I could probably find someone near by but I never really cared much to go out looking for love so unless I meet some serendipitously I'll probably remain single in the near future.


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## Glowsphere (Dec 20, 2014)

Iʻm a....


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## dezza (Dec 30, 2012)

My reasons have to be:

I don't have a car , I'm stuck in a dead end job, I need to develop a bit more confidence and I could be more disciplined overall. Other than that, I should be OK. 

But I believe in about 2-3 years I'll be more than ready.


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## laagamer (Jul 26, 2014)

- Looks

- Uncompatability 

- Looks again

- SA

- Looks a third time


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Because I don't care.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

The main thing is simply not making a proper effort. Anxiety, finances, a poor wardrobe, lack of a driver's license, still living with my mom, & lack of direction/focus in life are factors as well but if I tried pursuing gals with regularity I'm pretty sure I could find one


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

I don't want one, I don't like too much vulnerability and am too insecure. Plus I have other things that take priority.


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## SociallyAnxiousCoffee (Sep 8, 2012)

It's difficult to find people I click with. Out of a 100 or so people, I may find one person I can talk to, and who can talk to me. And then she is married or in a relationship.

Actual dating sounds like it would be socially exhausting. Talking to all those people and most of them will be duds.

If I found a girl who lived in a library, maybe I wouldn't be single. But then again, she'd probably be married. If not to an actual man, then to her books. T__T Hope rides alone.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Mainly because nobody wants me. Physically I'm not much to look at, very few women would find me attractive and I have very little to offer anyone. I spent over half my life trying only to be rejected every single time. I thought I had finally met someone online once but that fell apart before ever meeting her in person too. 

After years of being constantly rejected and feeling unwanted I became too broken inside and just gave up the fight. Besides, I'm very withdrawn and isolated. I don't trust anyone, I've lost the few friends I had and mostly keep to myself. I have no social life either, all I do is go directly to and from work every day and stay home alone every weekend.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

binary fission defect


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I always treated jerry springer, steve wilko, Jeremy kyle type shows as educational plus the real life equivalent


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## soulstorm (Jan 5, 2012)

absreim said:


> I'm asian. In my experience, about half of asian girls refuse to date asian guys, and a subset of those actively denounce asian guys, so going for other asians is not a great option. As for dating other races, the chances are even worse.


I'm curious as to why half of Asian girls refuse to date within their own race?


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

The fear of putting all the effort into this other person and having it turn out to be for nothing. They'd get bored with me and find someone else, lose interest, etc. It'd be a big waste of time if that happened...and the only way to make sure it doesn't happen is not to attempt it in the first place. I guess I'm ok feeling this way, but I know it's not healthy...to want something, but not wanting it bad enough to take the risk. Risking your emotions is pretty big...and maybe I'd become desensitized over time if I did it enough, but one failure is enough to keep me away from the fire. Not to mention...do you see how people treat each other these days?!? I sure as hell don't want any part of that! Though, if I really tried, I think I could find a diamond in the rough somewhere...there's just too much at stake to take the chance on finding her. A crystal ball would be a big help! :yes


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

soulstorm said:


> I'm curious as to why half of Asian girls refuse to date within their own race?


I'd attribute it to a number of factors:

Compared to other minority groups, Asians make up a small percentage of the population in western countries. People tend to be attracted to those who they are familiar with, and the average Asian will interact with fewer people of their own race than people of other races would.
Compared to cultures of other minority races in western countries, Asian culture clashes more with western culture. Growing up in a western country, one would tend to shun Asian culture (and by extension Asian people) since it is often in opposition to the culture that they are familiar with.
Negative untrue stereotypes perpetuated in western countries about Asian guys, such as penis size. Unfortunately, a good portion of the population is gullible enough to believe in them. Every race suffers from stereotypes to some degree, but those of Asian guys seem to be especially relevant to the chances of getting a date.
While I don't know of any reliable statistics, it appears that Asian girls are just generally more desirable than the guys are, which gives Asian girls relatively more options. In addition, Asian culture matches up poorly with the outspokenness/expressiveness expected in western culture. Asian girls are affected less by this expectation due to the passive role expected of girls in the context of dating.


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## WhatBITW (Jan 26, 2013)

I'm not heterosexual.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

Lack of confidence, being timid, super emotional, very clingy.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

money, that's it.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

Disregard relationships, improve own life. It's just not a priority for me right now. If I stumble into one while doing my own thing, then thats rad I guess. So **** looking, I'm just doing my own thing and am content.


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## Man01 (Nov 18, 2014)

Don't know...nobody has ever shown an interest, not a slight sign or anything. Maybe I'm emotionally blind? Haha


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## MythPHX (Aug 12, 2014)

Social anxiety. Lazy. Depressed. No motivation. I don't know how to talk to girls (or anyone for the matter) and keep a conversation, let alone ask one out. As a guy initiating everything falls on his responsibility, and that's where it ends before it even begins for me.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Due to having this anxiety, depression, and low self esteem all my life I never developed the social skills in my teen and young adulthood years of relationships. Also, when I was younger I was just trying to further myself in my career which means going from working in a group home wiping butts to being the Behavioral Psychologist glorified secretary that hasn't made $40,000 per year yet. On top of that I am not that good looking. Plus, now being in my mid 40's it is a big red flag to women when they learn I never been in a relationship.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Fate. I'm was meant to be alone.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

People are a pain in the ***. When it's not too much work, it's just annoying.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Choice/comfort.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Besides SA:
- Don't have a job
- Can't drive
- Am too worried about the future, like what's going to happen when i've been with her a couple of years. Should i propose? I don't want to get married. But in my country girls expect to get married when they have a long term relationship with someone.
- Obligations caused by relationship and fear of wrong choice and unsuccessful relationship.
- Don't even know where should i look for one.
- The fact that there would be no sex isn't helping at all either


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I assume that every single girl I see is in a stable long term relationship unless I have proof otherwise. Meaning that 99.9% of the women I come into contact with are in relationships.

I have no clue how to go from a successful first date of a few hours, to a bf-gf relationship of days and days, let alone years and years. I don't understand how people can do it. Living with someone else is a whole different level, and since I have a need to be perfect around others, I would have to always be 'on' and never do anything wrong.

I won't settle for just anyone. 

And the money thing is an issue. I have enough, but I wouldn't be saving any money if I had to buy food for two, clothes for two, vacations for two, and higher utility bills... I never really added it up how much it would be, but even without kids it would be an issue.

I don't want to have to do anymore shopping for presents, and I don't want to have to come up with 'the perfect gift' or 'the perfect surprise' multiple times a year (valentines, birthday, christmas). Let alone the travel to her parent's house a few times a year for different holidays.


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## Altered Course (Aug 29, 2012)

Most women don't even know I exist mostly because of my job since I work with all men. Of course having SAD most of my life, I rarely go out, volunteer or do much of anything with the little friends I have when I'm not working. I've been in this rut for the past 13 years now and needless to say it's getting old.


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

WhatBITW said:


> I'm not heterosexual.


Really? I figured it would be easier for a homosexual man to find a partner.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> To all the Single men I'm curious what do you think is keeping you from getting a girl friend? Anxiety is an acceptable answer, but I'd like to hear some of your other difficulties as well.


Well first off I ****ing hate myself. Typing this post is bringing me almost to tears. I'm depressed, I have never done ANYTHING passed getting a girl's number and texting her because I am a clingy dumbass. I haven't spoken to any girls I have been attracted to for 2 years now. I don't know why I was born. No girl would ever want to be with me if they knew who I truly was. I am a freak and I'm mentally unstable. I'm not even 18 years old and I know that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my entire life. I hate having crushes on girls because I never talk to them anyway so all it does is make me depressed. I don't know what my parents were thinking when they had me I'm a freak.


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## steve2006 (Mar 4, 2013)

My confidence and self esteem have been shot to pieces and im slowly trying to build it up again. 

I have everything sorted out in my life apart from this one thing. Ive got the high paying career, got the house i own, got a decent group of friends, just am so unconfident and hate myself


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## Cuban FL Cracker (Jul 22, 2014)

I just don't know what to talk about with girls and whenever I see a girl that I like, I automatically assume that she won't be interested in me. I also consider myself to be a boring person.

I reckon it's just that I have very little self confidence.

There also seems to be a lack of avaliable girls. They're too young, they're in a relationship or married, they have kids, they're too old or they're just not my type. I also don't know WHERE to meet women either.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

Every single woman in the entire world is already in a relationship...and if they say they aren't, they are lying to let you down easy.  

For srs though (although it really is rare to come across a single lady in everyday life), although I really don't give a damn about my anxiety and don't let it affect me in every day life, I guess I still look like a weirdo when I talk to people. (I think it's just how I've always dealt with socializing my entire life, so it is what it is at this point...it is kind of difficult to fix).


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

By own choice, I only want the one who God has predestined for me, I won't prostitute myself, and to be honest I don't often see the kind of girls around me wich I find compatible with me. Sometimes I see a pretty down to earth girl but she seems to act like she's unaproachable (to me).


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Royals said:


> By own choice, I only want the one who God has predestined for me, I won't prostitute myself, and to be honest I don't often see the kind of girls around me wich I find compatible with me. Sometimes I see a pretty down to earth girl but she seems to act like she's unaproachable (to me).


Have you tried single christian dating sites?

There are about 3 christian women for every eligible christian man. You should have no problem finding someone online. When I used to use singlec.com I met plenty of women there. I have no success on regular dating sites.

Do you go to church? You don't meet women at church?

If you were in nyc I could set you up with someone soooo easily. You should have no problem meeting Christian women. There are plenty of them praying for a "God fearing" man.


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## tonym9428 (Jan 1, 2014)

I'm 29 and single, never been on a date, etc.

What's keeping me that way.
a. I'd rather be coding, so I spend a lot of time in front of a computer
b. I'm married to my career...that's not an attractive trait to women
c. I'm disabled...have an abnormal gait and that makes things much harder for me
d. No personality 
e. I'm boring

Those are the main things.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I suck too much at being an adult and human being.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

It is mainly my anxiety but I also don't feel like I look good enough to attract women. Its hard for me sometimes to even talk to girls, its crazy. Maybe one day I could find someone, that would be awesome.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Have you tried single christian dating sites?
> 
> There are about 3 christian women for every eligible christian man. You should have no problem finding someone online. When I used to use singlec.com I met plenty of women there. I have no success on regular dating sites.
> 
> ...


I don't really believe dating or sites is the way to go. I believe I need to have trust and patience, or else I won't follow God's ways or will. Ofcourse I could have chosen to go my own way but I feel it's not right. It's hard to know or understand what God really wants, but it's my own beliefs I hold on to. I don't go to church because there's not many nice ones here, besides I don't like crowded places. So that's why it's difficult for me. But like I said I see enough nice women on the street every now and then, I just believe I have to be at the right moment and time, it has to be predestined or else it won't work.


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

My looks, I'm an unattractive, slightly ugly and rough looking too. Back before I finally gave up I tried courting a woman or two to no end that I liked. I also tried internet dating sites with individuals that I liked on sites like eHarmony etc... 

Problem is when you are unattractive or even remotely ugly I found that woman are not interested at all same old story after 2 decades. Attractive guys have women lining up, guys like me don't get noticed it is the way of things.


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

Too add I have had a number of attractive male friends and the way women treat/notice them to guys like myself is quite notably different.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Royals said:


> I don't really believe dating or sites is the way to go. I believe I need to have trust and patience, or else I won't follow God's ways or will. Ofcourse I could have chosen to go my own way but I feel it's not right. It's hard to know or understand what God really wants, but it's my own beliefs I hold on to. I don't go to church because there's not many nice ones here, besides I don't like crowded places. So that's why it's difficult for me. But like I said I see enough nice women on the street every now and then, I just believe I have to be at the right moment and time, it has to be predestined or else it won't work.


Why can't God work through a dating site? Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. He didn't just wait to bump into her. Maybe you're supposed to do your part by searching and God will do his part and send the right woman your way.

With what you're doing now it will take a miracle for you to meet anyone.


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## TheClown7 (Oct 15, 2013)

My ''Freedom''. I don't want to be attached to someone.


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## Rickets (May 5, 2014)

I don't let anyone get close. not just women but many potential friendships. I just think to myself 'what's the point they will just figure out I am nothing special and that will lead to more hurt when it's over after they leave'. Even though part of me knows this is bad thinking, I feel as certain that will happen as I am that the sun will rise every morning.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Location, lifestyle, and anxiety.


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## londonguy202 (Jan 10, 2014)

Just continuing depressing of my current situation and how and why i got to where i am. Good education but no drive to get a job or be productive. Also still living with parents who want me to work more than date as they say it will damage me. How IDK but im just sad all the time 


1. Living at home w parents
2 Lack of job
3. Just scared of dating due to rejection
4. Sober


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Rickets said:


> I don't let anyone get close. not just women but many potential friendships. I just think to myself 'what's the point they will just figure out I am nothing special and that will lead to more hurt when it's over after they leave'. Even though part of me knows this is bad thinking, I feel as certain that will happen as I am that the sun will rise every morning.


Yeah it's the same for me, however I don't really know how to get close to someone so that's my issue. I only got somewhat close to a girl once and it wasn't even that close anyway.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Why can't God work through a dating site? Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. He didn't just wait to bump into her. Maybe you're supposed to do your part by searching and God will do his part and send the right woman your way.
> 
> With what you're doing now it will take a miracle for you to meet anyone.


I understand you but a relationship with God is based on trust and patience. On doing His will and trust me I will know once God gives me an idea or thought. I have no real clarity in this field so I wait for Him to tell me.

I don't believe hurrying, searching somewhere only brings unrest, confusion, and dissapointment. Don't you know God works miracles?  Yes, you can do like any normal person just start a relationship with anyone, but why not aim for the best? Your soulmate, the one who really belongs to you. God wants nothing but the best for you, not half best. I am not sure about American women though, they are much different than Europeans. Do you like New York women?


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

I avoid and/or push people away. Friendships sometimes, but that is because I feel I have enough friends already. I'm an introvert (surprise) so I need to spend some evenings alone. I prefer it. So that part is not so much a big deal. But I do this with women too. 

Hell I'm avoiding a girl this weekend as we speak. Too late now. I've been anxious all day yesterday, when I never really am anxious. I think I have an avoidant personality disorder. It was worse though. I used to avoid almost everything. But now I can see romantic relationships was always the main core issue. I just deep down believe I'm inferior, broken, unwanted. I fear gossip and that I'm being talked bad about. That I'm going to be ridiculed. That all my friends will know everything that makes me broken. That I will have to break with my friends. I'll have to move town to avoid the shame. I would have to start over being alone.

It's extremely hard to admit this.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

The Sleeping Dragon said:


> I avoid and/or push people away. Friendships sometimes, but that is because I feel I have enough friends already. I'm an introvert (surprise) so I need to spend some evenings alone. I prefer it. So that part is not so much a big deal. But I do this with women too.
> 
> Hell I'm avoiding a girl this weekend as we speak. Too late now. I've been anxious all day yesterday, when I never really am anxious. I think I have an avoidant personality disorder. It was worse though. I used to avoid almost everything. But now I can see romantic relationships was always the main core issue. I just deep down believe I'm inferior, broken, unwanted. I fear gossip and that I'm being talked bad about. That I'm going to be ridiculed. That all my friends will know everything that makes me broken. That I will have to break with my friends. I'll have to move town to avoid the shame. I would have to start over being alone.
> 
> It's extremely hard to admit this.


That's how I feel about myself. I feel like I'm emotionally screwed up and broken beyond repair and I don't want to let a girl have to suffer through it if I actually happened to have a girl like me.


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## NotLovedRejected (Sep 21, 2014)

What has been keeping me single?

In my case, at least for the past six years, I was in school, and was busy with schoolwork, volunteer work, and my part-time job.

But in addition, I am also more introverted, and shy when it comes to being open about asking a girl out on a date. I have been rejected many times in the past, and that has really angered me a lot.

Luckily, I have turned to help from a match-making agency, as well as my mother's friends, to help hook me up with a decent girl.

Lastly, my sex and race has kept me single while living here in the US.


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## redblurr (Oct 26, 2013)

Easily nervous around girls i find attractive. And i'm unemployed.


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

-No friends to go out with, so I very rarely go out. Can't meet any girls if I don't go out.

- super shy and quiet, so when I am around girls I never make an effort to talk to them

- boring personality, not much to talk about because I am not exciting. I don't have interesting hobbies, I don't do anything interesting, therefore I have nothing to talk about. 

- self esteem is down the toilet. Every time I see a girl that interests me online I never have the balls to message her because my inner mind tells me I'm not good enough for her.

-


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## Rickets (May 5, 2014)

jsmith92 said:


> Yeah it's the same for me, however I don't really know how to get close to someone so that's my issue.


I would probably rather have it that way, or just numb myself so I don't have to bother with being human. Knowing that I have the ability to but try not to is difficult.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I'm not trying very hard due to my breakup 4 months ago. Still processing things emotionally.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I intimidate women with my boyishly handsome good looks.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm God.


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## random lonely man (Dec 17, 2014)

i have a skindisease and look like this. actually i look faaar worse.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

1) not much freedom or privacy to have anyone.,. stay with parent. 

2) not workign yet. so cant afford to stay separate and then have privacy.... 

3) not many oppotunity to meet any one here really. and havnet used a dating sited yet because of lack of freedom / privacy

4) Girls done seem to want to approach me .... I Iam told I they are seen to be ogling me sometimes... but they dont bother to make it known.

5) Some degree of shyness.....some anxiety some days.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

:idea

Very little desire to be in another relationship! :boogie


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

Been single all my life so far, never been in a relationship.

I don't make good money in my job. I have very limited hobbies and interests. I am South Asian, one of (if not the least) the least desirable ethnic groups, overweight, balding (thanks crappy genes from my dad!)

Of course the biggest reason will be just the lack of effort and trying, mainly caused by my depression which I have struggled with for years now.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

The main reason is that the last girl that I was with and loved was cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend of 5 years. Girls have shown interest in me, but the pain my ex caused me made my anxiety a bit worse with meeting new girls. So, I really don't even give anyone a shot or really try because I'm afraid of what could happen. I hate this about myself, and lately my social anxiety has been the worst it can be. I can't genuinely connect with anyone on the level that I want to, and I'm trying and want to give another girl a shot because I want that special girl. But again, it's the increase of my anxiety I've been feeling, where I don't feel as comfortable meeting anyone new. It's the past relationship that tore me apart that keeps me from having the life that I want with someone new. There's just too much I need to change in my life and work on. Like, I still need to get my license, I need a new job, and I need to learn to live with this disorder. I know I haven't been officially diagnosed with it, but I already know how terrible my SA really is; I've self-diagnosed it.


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## Dragonskull (Jan 10, 2015)

The main thing keeping me back is just over thinking things. I always over think a situation which causes me to get all freaked out and just give up. The rare moments I do muster up the courage to say something I get rejected pretty quickly. The rejection sends me down into a depression which makes me over think more. Even the girls that did talk to me would say "I want a guy like you" or "You're so cute". I've always been "freindzoned" and thought of as being that weird, quiet guy that just shows up to class then leaves at the end.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

This should go over well.

I find myself unattracted to 80% of those in my region. I devoted a lifetime of staying lean and fit to run into these fat snags with attitude problems. 

I've had outings where I meet a person via online, and discover they used a profile picture when they were 30lbs lighter. Then cop this attitude when I shy away from their advances. I absolutely cannot bring myself to make love to someone who is built like my mother.

I want someone nubile I actually feel attracted to. It's not very much to ask for. Then again it seems the more physically attractive one is, the more hedonistic they tend to be. Which is a turn-off for me.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

LiveWaLearningDisability said:


> To all the Single men I'm curious what do you think is keeping you from getting a girl friend? Anxiety is an acceptable answer, but *I'd like to hear some of your other difficulties as well*.


Too much. But to be specific, it's several issues, which influence one another.
In childhood/adolescence, it involved general shyness and embarrassment about my personal circumstances at the time: lower-working-class economic status, no family car during high school, no part-time job/extremely limited spending money. I was also self-conscious about my weight issues.

In adulthood, many of these issues coalesced into social anxiety and general depression. I was deeply ashamed of having initially dropped out of college for many years. Even as I gradually worked my way back toward finishing, I was still at least nominally ashamed because I hadn't finished. Further, my day job was that of an administrative assistant/secretary in a nonprofit setting. I wasn't earning that much money at all, even as I was trying to manage various bills. I was living with family in a neighborhood that was mostly senior citizens and upper-middle-aged folks. A part of me was always loathe to speak at length about how I felt about life in the city, which to me, was hardly the best. I'd be interacting with folks who were already college graduates, some with their master's degrees, and already embedded in middle-class careers. I was privately embarrassed, self-intimidated, especially in interactions with such women, especially those around my age.

I've also had very bad experiences with two older siblings who embraced fundamentalist Christianity as young adults and became increasingly negative to be around-and in at least one brother's case, mental illness was laid bare and diagnosed-nonetheless, he insisted nothing was wrong with him and his behaviors. Both have chosen to "disappear" and not interact with family. Nobody's seen them in 10+ years. A friendship with a female friend became increasingly bizarre as she was mildly fundamentalist, and even in recent years became a Jehovah's Witness.
At the back end of these experiences, I've come to be very wary of potentially interacting with women who are "devoutly" religious. I am not offended by interacting with people of faith; but the hardline tendencies of some, and the behaviors that often follow (constant pressure to tithe in high amounts, relentless bible study, hours-long services, being literally more concerned with the afterlife than living out a manageable, FUNCTIONAL life on Earth), I don't relate to at all and I'm not interested in participating. If the social circles around you tend to be deeply religious, then there's a high probability of encountering these kinds of people.

I didn't have a car for several years during my time in Michigan. That, for obvious reasons, was a major issue. I was stuck using buses or walking where I needed to go. Bus services were (and still are) terrible here. I didn't dare try traveling too deep into any suburb for fear I'd basically get stranded. I have a used car now, but maintenance gets expensive-i.e, monthly insurance and occasional repair bills for an older car.

Currently, I've finished college (2012), but I've yet to have any success in finding new work. I got cut back to part-time status a few months back, and money is tighter than ever. I'm afraid that any kind of small-talk with me would end up going into a negative zone because of how I feel about my circumstances. I want to get a much better new job, relocate, get my own apartment and lose some weight before I approach any kind of dating. But the mental and emotional strain has become aggravating. I want to have a romantic friendship with a woman. I've never had this. But it seems like I'm constantly struggling to even achieve some basic independence.


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

There's more men than women, supply and demand. 

Socially anxious men have a far harder time getting into relationships than socially anxious women due to societal norms. Men are the ones expected to initiate, to put their best foot forward, etc. :/

I'm of an ethnicity that is one of the least desirable (if not the least desirable) in the U.S.

Overweight and balding.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Honestly, it is not a surprise at all that I am single. Whoohoo pity party and making up excuses. Yaaaaay!


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## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

fear


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I live in the middle of nowhere and never get out, for starters. And once I do get out, I'll probably just come across as a creep. Or as someone who has serious mental issues, which isn't incorrect.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

- I don't have a steady job at nearly 25. I get by on student loans for something I'm no longer interested in and want to quit. And the money I make with my online store. 
- After having been cheated on by 2 out of 4 girlfriends despite always having been faithful myself and not so much as looking at another woman (not due to lack of options either, as arrogant as that may sound) my trust in women, especially between the ages of 23-30, is pretty badly damaged. I also won't date anyone younger than 23. 
- I do not drive yet, since all my money is either spent on taking care of my family or supplements/weights for my workouts, which I consider more important at the moment and getting your license in my country costs about €1500 on average. 
- I hate where I currently life, which doesn't really help my mood sometimes.

So yeah, you show me a lady that's cool with all 4 of these points and doesn't automatically writes me off without looking at the reasons *why *my situation is like it is, and i'll gladly date her if we match, but until I find that person or my situation changes I'm not even going to bother at worst or make a minimal effort at best.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

- Lack of effort
- Lack of desire
- Hesitant to give up the single life
- Don't know how to approach women

Honestly, everything else in my life is going well right now. I'm confident with who I am and I'm generally happy. But it's just an opportunity that doesn't come up often. I struggle to approach people, I struggle to find the right places to meet people, and it's just not a high priority in my life.


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## Lone Drifter (Jul 10, 2014)

- my love of being single 

(also a broken heart but I don't like to admit that)


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I don't really try to get dates at all. Never gone on a date. Don't feel good enough about myself. Don't know if I want to bother even because it just seems like a lot of trouble for just sex.(whole point really of a relationship.) I can just masturbate.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

I don't want to be hurt again.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

jsmith92 said:


> I don't want to be hurt again.


This is one of my top excuses, haha. Other than that, I really need to try harder and try not to let SA psyche me out... :/ It'll happen some day. Hm....


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

MoveAlong91 said:


> This is one of my top excuses, haha. Other than that, I really need to try harder and try not to let SA psyche me out... :/ It'll happen some day. Hm....


It isn't an excuse for me.


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## romeoindespair (Oct 16, 2014)

Lack of social skills
No car
No money

Plus I live with people so it be pretty hard to bring someone home


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

I have leprosy :|


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## Handsome Beast (Jan 3, 2014)

Damned if I know. A whole list of things and most of them are lies.


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## TheUltimateDespair (Aug 7, 2014)

-Ugly
-Low sexual dimorphism


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

jsmith92 said:


> It isn't an excuse for me.


Of course it is. Not wanting to be hurt again is hardly a good reason to never try to talk to girls for the rest of your life.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

rymo said:


> Of course it is. Not wanting to be hurt again is hardly a good reason to never try to talk to girls for the rest of your life.


Last time I got hurt I went into a depression and it ruined my life for 2 years, and only now is it a little better. If I go after a girl again the same thing is going to happen. I don't know how to get to know a girl so that's why I'm never going to be able to talk to girls. I also have realized that I will never be in a relationship so there is no point anymore.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

fear of failing in clear opportunities. 
I fear adrenaline. Last time I felt my heart thumping was in October last year. I can't shy away from fear forever. Time to be a soldier, do now cry later!


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

every one i ask is already seeing some one.


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

im married to the game tbh

plus i smell like farts


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

I don't have what it takes to attract someone.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Female privilege. The matriarchy.


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## CatThatWalkedByHimself (Jan 18, 2015)

Recovering from the last relationship. 

About ready to jump back into the dating game.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

photorealisticotakuman said:


> fear of failing in clear opportunities.
> I fear adrenaline. Last time I felt my heart thumping was in October last year. I can't shy away from fear forever. Time to be a soldier, do now cry later!


A few weeks ago there was this day where I felt super confident and I saw this girl and was going to go talk to her but then I remembered I was a freak so I didn't even bother.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

Just SA and the fear of rejection. Hopefully meds will fix that soon


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Too poor.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Fear


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I'm a guy.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Fear of rejection. Always have been too nervous. Always thinking I have nothing to offer anybody.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> A few weeks ago there was this day where I felt super confident and I saw this girl and was going to go talk to her but then I remembered I was a freak so I didn't even bother.


Even after missing opportunities, as long as you keep tell yourself that " someday I just gotta do it ", you will do it. Keep telling yourself that every second you missed an opportunity or when you're facing one.

Today I realized how much of a freak I was and still am myself. But also I realized every person has their own freakishness about them. Even alpha males or Pua's have their own ****, but they boost their own egos with girls etc so that they feel they are cool. Similarly we should once in a while find somethings that will make us happy being ourselves ( provided we don't hurt other people boosting our own egos).


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

photorealisticotakuman said:


> Even after missing opportunities, as long as you keep tell yourself that " someday I just gotta do it ", you will do it. Keep telling yourself that every second you missed an opportunity or when you're facing one.
> 
> Today I realized how much of a freak I was and still am myself. But also I realized every person has their own freakishness about them. Even alpha males or Pua's have their own ****, but they boost their own egos with girls etc so that they feel they are cool. Similarly we should once in a while find somethings that will make us happy being ourselves ( provided we don't hurt other people boosting our own egos).


I also am pretty sure I saw her kissing a guy in the hallway a few days ago so that didn't help much.


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## haggybear (Apr 9, 2014)

Lack of privacy due to the fact that I still live with my parents. S***, my last gf stayed over one night and my parents freaked out, and I was like 27 or 28 at the time! Ridiculous.... That and I don't get out and socialize much to meet people besides co-workers. I'm going to school right now but it's only one class and I haven't taken many chances to try talk to my classmates.

Once I'm out and on my own, it'll be different story. Watch out ladies!! :yes


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> I also am pretty sure I saw her kissing a guy in the hallway a few days ago so that didn't help much.


oh. Atleast you dodged a bullet though.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

photorealisticotakuman said:


> oh. Atleast you dodged a bullet though.


She's so cute. The only problem is she is a freshman. I'm also ten times more attractive than the guy who was kissing her so if I felt like it I could probably steal her but I don't have the confidence.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> She's so cute. The only problem is she is a freshman. I'm also ten times more attractive than the guy who was kissing her so if I felt like it I could probably steal her but I don't have the confidence.


If her cuteness is enough for you to try, you could try being friendly and getting to know her. Also look to see if she is in a relationship with the guy. If she is in a relationship, i'd advice to just let her go because that can get complicated.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

photorealisticotakuman said:


> If her cuteness is enough for you to try, you could try being friendly and getting to know her. Also look to see if she is in a relationship with the guy. If she is in a relationship, i'd advice to just let her go because that can get complicated.


I have zero confidence so I have to move on.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> I have zero confidence so I have to move on.


hehe yeah well the situation isn't attractive anyway. You saw her kissing someone else so yeah move on. ( if you do find a different girl, just talk to her dude, even if its about school. Ask about a class even if you know where it is, just say something. Just become a fool for a second, you can't wait for confidence to come to you )


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

I go to work and back home work a crap paying job and no chance of getting a better job due to not finshing high school and girls scare the hell out of me and as for my looks well i have no idea if i am ugly or good looking been called ugly been called handsome so idk


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## Avesatani (Jan 20, 2015)

Fear of rejection
Going out is really a stress for me
Mostly i block after 2 or 3 sentences that i exchange with new girls
I'm not so confident
My approach is usually too friendly
Hate that i'm having less and less hair
Searching for the perfect one and she doesn't exist


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## ChillPenguin (Jan 8, 2015)

lol where to start

crippling low self esteem
fear of rejection
lacking of the social skills/experience
no job 

need to sort my head out first before even entertaining the idea of a relationship/dating


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

photorealisticotakuman said:


> hehe yeah well the situation isn't attractive anyway. You saw her kissing someone else so yeah move on. ( if you do find a different girl, just talk to her dude, even if its about school. Ask about a class even if you know where it is, just say something. Just become a fool for a second, you can't wait for confidence to come to you )


I can't talk to girls that I am interested in. I'm a freak.


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## photorealisticotakuman (May 8, 2013)

jsmith92 said:


> I can't talk to girls that I am interested in. I'm a freak.


I know what you mean man. I don't really have success dating, but sometimes I was at least successful in having a small chat with them at some point. I promise you, if you see her frequently, walk close by and just "hi". Get used to greeting her. Switch it up and say "hey" other days. And get comfortable. Next time "hey how r u?" You don't really have to greet and have a conversation immediately. Just break it down. Just try man. Maybe also lift some weights for like 3 months and get a bit more comfortable in your own skin too. 
One day, you will be really sick and tired and actually try without care of failure. You should know how much of a freak I am as well. People rubbed it in my face that I am a freak, wuss etc and still do today. But you know, I already have a boring lifestyle so f**k em. When people ask how am I just tell them ( heh nothing man, just being myself indoors all month, computer all day. Picked up a new video game. School difficult ) 
( they ask "who you dating": heh just looking for a good girl, but yeah maybe someday heh. Im sure u tapping all day man dont u?) 
(they ask "r you getting p***y?": lol nah man, sometimes I wish but I just want a girl who will love me thats all . 
("hahaha dude you ain banging?": oh not really, why you asking tough? who you "banging"?
(" so u only fapping? hahahahha nerd": heheheheh yeah...I suck. Im sure p***y feels good man doesn't it?...anyway peace out I gotta leave.

Today, i greet about 80% of people I see passing by, and I don't even get replies half the time. But I just feel good. (not much success, but that means a lot for me .). And now I am also taking it slow with some really nice girl, and if i eventually bore her or she tells me she is not interested anymore, well I will just deal with it cause that happens sadly. I know if that eventually happens, I won't actively search again. I don't actively search actually but I'm just overall content now. I have been depressed few days ago but I still talk my brain out of it. 
( sorry this became long, I couldn't stop writing :blank . Have hope bro)


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## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

There's more men than women on the planet. DUH. :no


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

My unpredictable depressing mental state comes and goes without warning. I'm so sick of it.


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## HookedOnEbonics (Sep 3, 2014)

I don't really trust people
So the closer they get the more cautious i become

Also, the people around me aren't really the sharpest tools in the shed... and well, i like efficient relationships or working with someone who is a sharp tool that can repair that loneliness.

General anxiety as well


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

I just have no desire to go through whole trauma again. I don't know how to get out of this rut, or if it even is a rut.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Lately I have been thinking about something. I might end up approaching one or both of my crushes after all (they are both in the same class). Idk why but I'm kind of seeing it a bit differently now. I must not over think it though.


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## DannyBoy64 (May 5, 2014)

Social Anxiety
All of the girls I am interested in have boyfriends
I'm left handed 
I'm from Colorado
I managed to have cats and dogs living together
School
Unemployment
I liked Destiny (a major turn off for everyone)

Ok, some of it is true, but my anxiety, lack of employment, and focus on school are reasons.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Small d***.


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