# What's stopping you from getting a girlfriend/boyfriend?



## Lawrencepa (Dec 21, 2015)

For me it's the fact I really struggle sticking to plans. I use online dating consistently it's almost like an addiction. Maybe on average every few days I'll try chatting to a new girl online. We'll talk and may stop talking after a while or I'll try and arrange a date but I kind of shy away from it last minute. I don't know why I do but it happens. Once in a blue moon I do decide to go for it and then the 2nd time of meeting I feel the same amount of apprehension about the whole thing. I don't know what I can do about this but it's my obstacle to ever finding someone. So what's stopping any of you?


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

My extreme anxiety--even just e-mailing somebody is terrifying for me, and I'm always crushed by rejection, so that rules out online dating (even if it were an option--keep reading). Plus I live in a very isolated, insular area--can't even find platonic friends with anything in common with me, much less a boyfriend--so that rules out meeting anyone IRL. Probably most guys in an appropriate age range have either moved away or are already involved with somebody, anyway. Dead-end town. (No, it's not possible for me to move.)

But even if those weren't obstacles, there's *nothing* about me that any guy would ever want (fat, unattractive, old, boring, childish, jobless, dependent, asexual--look at any thread around here, these are automatic disqualifications for attraction), so that puts a huge damper on ever getting a guy.

I've been rejected by just about every platonic friend I've ever tried to make, so what makes me think anyone would be even remotely interested in romance...?


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'm too dark, indifferent, and unsociable.

And faking otherwise isn't sustainable over the long term.

I'm in treatment right now, but they are way too focused on the anxiety while leaving the depression largely unaddressed, so I don't hold out much hope, there.


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## May19 (Apr 25, 2012)

I think it's how dedicated I become to the person. for me liking someone is all or nothing; same with dating too. I don't understand what it means to just causally date. To date someone seems like a really big deal to me. And I think how serious I take relationships freak people out. 

Plus, I also have a lot of insecurities and fears holding me back. Even if the person says they like me, I don't know whether to believe it or not.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I try to keep my distance from people I'm attracted to because I want them to be happy.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Lack of desire. The way people treat each other really makes me not want to bother in the first place, and while I know not all people are like that, I don't want to go through all the time and effort to find someone who _isn't_ like that. If I felt my odds were better, maybe I'd give it a shot...but this is 2016. Seems like most people have lost respect for one another.


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## Valley (Jan 31, 2015)

im a boring person who wants to be around someone boring


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@tehuti88

You are amazing mentally (highly intelligent), cute in your photo (I don't see anything wrong with you).


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Anxiety, and i stay home all day. And i lack social skills.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

It used to be anxiety and shame from being what I am.
But I've since accepted that it's not wrong to be loathed and hated by others for something I can't control.
And I don't deserve any sort of punishment for being myself.
It has freed me a little bit.

The only problem now is that I don't think I can ever respect someone who would view me as they once saw me.
No one like that deserves even the slightest bit of happiness.
They are now to me what I am to them.

But someday I know I'll find one who isn't like the rest, and we'll share that forever bond that can't be broken by imperfection.

Also, I have very low energy, only half caused by depression, half caused by my disease, which makes these local workaholics think I don't try, and they think that someone who doesn't try is lazy and doesn't deserve a relationship. Oh well... I'm still in the process of figuring out how to move somewhere nice and slow paced...

So yeah, I'd say it's the low energy thing keeping me from getting a girl now.
Also a distrust of the human race. Luckily I have been able to purify myself so that it's not a hypocritical distrust!!


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

My SA and general anxiety mostly, but also the fact that I don't have my own place. This fact is usually the immediate obstacle that keeps me from even trying to date, since I'm ashamed to have to admit that to her. I know it will come out sooner or later so I just don't bother asking girls out.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

A visible wall called ugly and two invisible walls called Social anxiety and depression.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

focusing too much of my attention on other things in my life that I need to improve first, not feeling that i'd be emotionally available enough to be a good partner, and having ongoing casual intimacy with an ex


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## Zozulya (Mar 24, 2016)

Being a non-person, and brain can't process that kind of feelings, nor what to do beyond that stage.


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## Lawrencepa (Dec 21, 2015)

Darktower776 said:


> My SA and general anxiety mostly, but also the fact that I don't have my own place. This fact is usually the immediate obstacle that keeps me from even trying to date, since I'm ashamed to have to admit that to her. I know it will come out sooner or later so I just don't bother asking girls out.


How old are you? I'm 27 and still live at my mums. You'll be surprised at how it's not really a huge deal to most girls. I guess it makes the whole settling down thing a little easier thogh


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

Lawrencepa said:


> For me it's the fact I really struggle sticking to plans. I use online dating consistently it's almost like an addiction. Maybe on average every few days I'll try chatting to a new girl online. We'll talk and may stop talking after a while or I'll try and arrange a date but I kind of shy away from it last minute. I don't know why I do but it happens. Once in a blue moon I do decide to go for it and then the 2nd time of meeting I feel the same amount of apprehension about the whole thing. I don't know what I can do about this but it's my obstacle to ever finding someone. So what's stopping any of you?


I think it's mostly the SA and what its done to me, no social life, few friends, no confidence, min wage job despite being good at school, no drivers license, still live at home. Maybe I'd be awful in other ways if I didn't have it, but I'd basically be someone else...


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## pancakeface666 (Aug 19, 2014)

I'm not perfect and I hate myself for that, and that's about it.

Sent from my XT1068 using Tapatalk


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

What is stopping me from getting a girlfriend? My mental issues, the ones that I can and cannot get a grasp on seem to be working in harmony with each-other forever keeping me in a loop of insanity and a cloud of darkness.

If my mental issues aren't enough, when I am fully cognizant, I hold controversial opinions on topics such as religion, politics, and feminism. People already have their minds made up on these divisive issues and instead of going to verbal blows with a potential girlfriend, I would rather just avoid the headache. Not too many people are genuinely looking for decent conversation regarding these types of issues and any deviation from the plot in their minds, is viewed in a treacherous manner.

Out of the billions of women in the world, the idea that there are probably a lot of women whom I haven't encountered and will never encounter, that would find me attractive scares and confuses me. Living with myself for the entirety of my life (obviously), I've grown to hate myself immensely so if a woman were to ever be genuinely interested in me, I wouldn't believe her, I honestly wouldn't.

I don't think that I can comfort women. I'm going to quote a prior post.



Tymes Rhymes said:


> Some of us have no choice.
> 
> Speaking personally, I know that I am not capable of entertaining a woman. I wouldn't be able to make her laugh, I wouldn't be able to comfort her if she cries, I wouldn't be able to keep the relationship interesting. I'm just despondent in that regard. These are key factors in maintaining a relationship that I just don't have.
> 
> My general outlook on people, society, life in general; it could be hard to understand so I have personally come to the realization that it is best for me to be alone and single.


When it comes down to it, i'm not happy right now but I also don't think that I would be happy in a relationship so I would rather keep my misery to myself and only myself.


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

I'm choosing not to atm because I need to get my life sorted out. If someone comes along the way, I'll give it a shot, but there are more important things I'm putting my efforts into.


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

I knew i wouldn't be here ha ah aha


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

I tend to only be attracted to people I consider "better" than me, so I feel like I have to make someone believe I'm their equal before I can even begin to think about making a move.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

I think they are just attracted to the idea of being with me. Until they see how insular or challenging I am, I'm certain they would have some remorse over the situation.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

already having one. that kinda makes things complicated.


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## overthinker94 (Aug 26, 2016)

them knowing i have barely any friends, that im insecure, don't do much with my life, that i have a boring personality and would rather spend my life living indoors.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

My life doesn't allow it at the moment. Hopefully later on it might happen. All I can do is hope for the best.


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## Friendonkey (May 13, 2016)

Really bad conversation skills.

I don't know what to say a lot of the time. People lose interest in me.

I really hate it and makes me feel like **** whenever I think of all the people that just stopped replying to me. 

A lot of people have stopped replying these last two months.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'm not attractive enough.


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

Not being good, assertive, or confident enough for other people.

It's okay, I don't want anything right now. Give me another year though, and I bet I'll be pretty bothered by being single.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

gunner21 said:


> I'm not attractive enough.


For who, Helen of Troy? Haha, but yeah, ladies don't seem to like the shy introverted type... in general, of course. Something about those alphas...


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## Stray Bullet (Feb 21, 2014)

I'm ugly.
My personality is ugly too.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

I think that a lot of people are just too uneducated to be able to tolerate how complex and vibrant of a social personality I have. I make every type of joke, and they don't get most of them, so they're turned off. By their own lack of life experience. It's sad for them because I'm so tolerant of others, and I tolerate all of their BS. They must just leave because they feel so inferior to me socially, and it upsets them that they can't be as awesome as me. I'm not generalizing here, everyone I spend time around adopts at least a few of my habits into their lives permanently, but I stay the same. I don't need to change, as I am already a little bit of everything. The perfect example of how a person should behave around other people, and the bottom line is being tolerant, so if you want to seem like a great human being, you won't complain about how arrogant this sounds.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Because I have a wife, that's why... 


Okay not really... 





I like eating tacos!


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## GoldenDawn (Oct 3, 2013)

Too depressed to even explain here...


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Honestly I don't know....the right one hasn't came along yet. :stu


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I'm too scared to ask out the girls I like.

When I get the courage to ask one out they turn me down (just reconfirming my fear). 

As a teen people told me "it would get easier" but that was a straight up lie, with every passing year it gets harder because the older I get the more pathetic my romantic failures make me.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

My health and money.both of those are my biggest obstacles. Me not being healthy stops me from getting a job to make money.. I couldn't kiss a girl even if I wanted to cause my mouth is messed up so I don't even try to talk to the opposite sex right now.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

the cheat said:


> For who, Helen of Troy? Haha, but yeah, ladies don't seem to like the shy introverted type... in general, of course. Something about those alphas...


I know you're joking, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that self confidence is THE biggest attractive trait for most women, and I guess that is seriously lacking in shy introverted men. If you don't have confidence, you will be alone. I don't know anything about that alpha/beta stuff.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

My lack of intuition more than anything, I'm fairly mentally blocked when it comes to knowing the signs that a girl likes me that way or not. I only seem realise there was interest when it's too late and the window of opportunity has vanished. Hopefully my luck will change in the future.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

gunner21 said:


> I know you're joking, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that self confidence is THE biggest attractive trait for most women, and I guess that is seriously lacking in shy introverted men. If you don't have confidence, you will be alone. I don't know anything about that alpha/beta stuff.


Definitely. Can't even be mad at them lol not their fault.


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## Mark Hunt (Aug 29, 2016)

Girls don't like me. :stu


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

My asexuality. It takes a special person to realize I am asexual because i'm not telling them or even expect them to understand, I just don't possess sexual feelings like the norm. I could only go so far with my sex feelings. I feel like I can only mimic things to satisfy my partner and just hope I receive love back.


that being said it just seems the like 90% of the population just want sex. So i'm out the game I will never make the first move to show them i am sexually interested in them.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Innocent James said:


> My asexuality. It takes a special person to realize I am asexual because i'm not telling them or even expect them to understand, I just don't possess sexual feelings like the norm. I could only go so far with my sex feelings. I feel like I can only mimic things to satisfy my partner and just hope I receive love back.
> 
> that being said it just seems the like 90% of the population just want sex. So i'm out the game I will never make the first move to show them i am sexually interested in them.


It depends... If you're into large sensitive women, I know a whole town full of them that would love you... my town... :serious:


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

k_wifler said:


> It depends... If you're into large sensitive women, I know a whole town full of them that would love you... my town... :serious:


hopefully they a masters or phd degree than i am game.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Innocent James said:


> hopefully they a masters or phd degree than i am game.


Wow, I have completely lost respect for you, utterly, entirely, devoid of respect in every way now.

But, this is a college town, it's entirely possible that many of them do have those meaningless degree titles.
You should check it out.


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

k_wifler said:


> wow, i have completely lost respect for you, utterly, entirely, devoid of respect in every way now.
> 
> But, this is a college town, it's entirely possible that many of them do have those meaningless degree titles.
> You should check it out.


¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## Honora Fuego (Jul 22, 2016)

I can't. I make no money and a man isn't going to buy things for me. Also I'll have nothing to talk about. Also I've never had a relationship so it's pretty funny to imagine me with someone.


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## God of Fear (Jan 2, 2016)

Doing nothing. I know a girl likes me but I'm too shy to do anything.


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## God of Fear (Jan 2, 2016)

I'm too shy to do anything with a girl. Even saying hello is hard.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

@*tehuti88* I agree with the other comments, the pic you have in your profile is very cute 

For me it's anxiety, obviously. I just do not approach that often. Ffs, sometimes I won't approach unless she's given me an opening, or flirted back in some way....cold approaching just makes my anxiety go through the roof, and I don't think that's how most couples meet, anyway. I've met most of my gf's (both my ex-wives) and a couple of friends with benefits through....other friends...but that's the problem. Having anxiety makes it very, very hard for me to not isolate myself. Isolating, withdrawing, putting up walls is the single biggest problem I have when it comes to dating or meeting women without a doubt.

I really should be on POF or one of those other dating sites. There is no way a single guy my age should not be on one of those but I just can't bring myself to do it. There are plenty of single women out there my age. Tons. I just....don't want the ****** hassle. The potential for bad dates, the never knowing how it's going to go, the anxiety, the not knowing if you're going to click. And I think I might actually do OK with it....I've never been on a date from one of those sites, I've never even signed up, but I kind of have a feeling I'd do OK, and I might meet someone but it's just failure to launch for me lol. I can't make myself do it.

Part of it also is I just have issues. Huge issues, with trust, abandonment issues, and I have three teenage kids from a previous marriage, and those are just huge, huge liabilities in the eyes of some women. Huge. I've met women before in the not so distant past and when they found out I had kids from a previous marriage you could see the fear in their eyes lmao. You could see them start to run in the opposite direction, the whole tone of the conversation just changed lol.


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## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

I think it must be because I'm an awful horrible person.IDK. I was thinking about joining christianmingle but if they got me they would probably feel like they got ripped off.(idk if it costs)
Plus, I'm not really religious.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

frankhassa said:


> I think it must be because I'm an awful horrible person.IDK. I was thinking about joining christianmingle but if they got me they would probably feel like they got ripped off.(idk if it costs)
> Plus, I'm not really religious.


Sorry buddy, take it from me, I spent a good 10 years learning this lesson. If you have trouble doing it out in real life, you're gonna get murdered on dating sites. Plus, I've researched almost every dating site there is, and most people don't pay, and they don't usually tell you who did pay to chat, so you're going to have worse odds than if you didn't pay.

Or, it could be lively, if your city has a high enough population.


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## Eneri (Sep 25, 2011)

That one ex that did you dirty, so you pretty much group everyone in the same category. Is your anxiety telling you you're not worth it, or you're not good enough, and someone actually proving it to you. Go figure. It's not only that one person either...I've done the dating thing and I find myself bored or feeling like i shouldn't waste their time. Plus I'm kinda fugly so haha


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

Definitely my lack of confidence. I'm not a bad looking guy, in fact, I'd say I'm very average. If I had confidence, I'd definitely have more luck. However, my misanthropic tendencies and my f**ked-up sense of humor are another thing...


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

My anxiety and depression and low paying job tbh i would not want to date me so why would i try? If a girl wanted to date me she would be scraping the bottom of the barrel i think i am better off staying single i really dont have anything to offer


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

My complete lack of game and also lack of people interested in me. Meh. I know I would suck in a relationship but I can't help but want to know what it feels like to be in one especially when the two people I am closest to are in relationships and I am the odd one out. O.O


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## taariya (Aug 25, 2016)

It's hard for me to form close relationships with people. I'm very shy and lack social skills, and in cases where I do manage to make a new friend it takes quite a while for them to get to know me and for me to trust them enough to open up. I guess this makes people think I'm just boring, stuck up, weird etc. and stop trying to get closer to me.


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## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

Honora Fuego said:


> I can't. I make no money and a man isn't going to buy things for me. Also I'll have nothing to talk about. Also I've never had a relationship so it's pretty funny to imagine me with someone.


getting money is not problem. tell you shrink to get a sick paper like i have. i get 600 euro each month.

many males buy things for there females, but perhaps you should not have to much demands on his economy. there is more to this world than bying stuff.

you can talk about anything.....animals, politics, religions, sports, etc.

you are only 20 years old......so what if you never had relationship. most guys dont care if a female is virgin, its actually considered something good to be virgin.....


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Because I keep pulling my dick out for Harembe


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

i can't stand that massive struggle i go through in my head to trust and the thought of facing anymore disappointment makes me feel sick. i have felt too much of that for my entire life. i feel like i can't stomach anymore. i don't know how to build up any more tolerance for disappointment.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

xxDark Horse said:


> Because I keep pulling my dick out for Harembe


Dude seriously, are you posting that everywhere just for post count?

Now if more of you ladies lived in the USA and were commitment minded and had pictures up, you never know, some guys might start racing to your door to meet you. Only thing I'm afraid of is being fat and intolerant of what other people say and then getting all angry and yelling and stuff.


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## sarah089 (Aug 28, 2013)

My anxiety probably is my main hurdle when it comes to dating. I had a good guy friend in high school who gave signals for a year that he wanted to date me but I was too shy to really reciprocate anything back. I pretended not to really notice anything and we stayed friends my entire high school career. I still regret it to this day because I actually really liked him and could picture us together.

The same goes with college really. I think for me to date someone they have to basically carry the conversation for me (at least in the beginning). I'm just too nervous to really invest anything. Of course, the first two guys (in college) who did that for me happened to be people I wasn't really interested in dating. =/

I also have a pretty low self esteem so it prevents me from flirting with guys. I always assume guys that I genuinely like are out of my league or if they'll think I'm weird for talking to them. ugh.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Lost cause


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Honora Fuego said:


> I can't. I make no money and a man isn't going to buy things for me. Also I'll have nothing to talk about. Also I've never had a relationship so it's pretty funny to imagine me with someone.


Those seem like very vague, generalistic, blanket statements. I'm curious about the motivations and experiences behind those statements. If you are willing to expand on them...


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## Abhorsen (Aug 28, 2016)

No social life, minimum confidence (which is actually an upgrade from having none whatsoever), and mental issues that impact me on a physical level. I get mood swings, often times I have low energy and no interest to do anything. Most of the evenings, especially on weekends, I'm locked inside my apartment since I have no one to go out with, thus eliminating any chance of meeting people. I do get out of the house often, but only by myself. I've been told I look intimidating though I think that's just code for "unattractive".


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

Abhorsen said:


> No social life, minimum confidence (which is actually an upgrade from having none whatsoever), and mental issues that impact me on a physical level. I get mood swings, often times I have low energy and no interest to do anything. Most of the evenings, especially on weekends, I'm locked inside my apartment since I have no one to go out with, thus eliminating any chance of meeting people. I do get out of the house often, but only by myself. *I've been told I look intimidating though I think that's just code for "unattractive".*


It's also code for hot, if that's any comfort...


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## Abhorsen (Aug 28, 2016)

Haha that does help a little, thanks


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