# Being a last resort.



## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

So, I am pretty committed to a certain sport and I thought it would be good if I went running in some of my spare time to get an extra workout and mostly to build up my fitness/stamina. When I found out a person who I do this sport with is a runner, as they were telling me about it after one session, I said that I needed to start getting into running myself, this person invited me along. I've been running with this person for the last 2-3 months now, the running is going well and everything, but I have also been running with some other people. To cut to the chase, I notice that this person that originally invited me, only talks to me when it's convenient for them, if certain people show up at the sport I do, they will talk to them and not really even acknowledge my presence, If I try talk to this person, they speak a bit and then sometimes go off and talk to someone else instead. This person is extremely persistent in getting more people to come running with us, which I think is good, the more the merrier but I feel that they are mostly perhaps doing this to avoid being stuck running with me alone, at least it could be a possibility.

I've hung out with this person twice on a personal level, out for dinner but it was the same thing, tried to invite out as many people as possible, which is cool, as I said the more the merrier and it's their right to invite whoever they want, that's all cool, but the actions this person has done has made me think that maybe it's because they just don't want to be around me alone. I am the one that organizes the runs and the hangouts and everything.
I notice when we run and there is more than just me and this person, they tend to talk to the other person or others and then it makes me feel like I am a ghost or something, as in my presence is being ignored, unless I input in the convo, I don't get spoken to, even then, I don't get much of a response.

I find myself to be a humble/down to earth sort of person, I treat everyone with respect and how I want to be treated. I treat everyone as equals, I try to be a fair person and a helpful person. But for many years now, I find that people talk to me and want something to do with me when they have no one else, I become a last resort sort of thing or the go to guy for help. I've had several so called friends over the years, hang with me and talk with me until they find other people. I admit it does get a little frustrating, I certainly don't make myself a doormat and I try to balance things out. 

I get people that compliment me, say how I am such a good guy, I just wonder if that is
how I come across then I don't know what the issue is and why I get treated in that way.

I know this may get a lot of views and not many replies but your input is much appreciated and welcome.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

I've felt the same way. I think relationships are challenging if there isn't a quid pro quo. I have "friends" I can call for a meal, but will never hear from them otherwise. I'm a nice guy and a great listener, but have little else to offer I guess. Though I do try to be as "interesting" as I can, I get the impression that I'm just not worth their time to initiate anything. I guess I should feel lucky I have a few I can call and just be happy. 

Maybe that's as good as it gets.


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## Phillip Stimpleton (Sep 28, 2014)

Stop calling this person to run, or to do anything else. He clearly does not want to hang out with you. He probably just feels obligated. He is not your friend, he doesn't really like you......stop calling. It sucks to lose the social connection and the running partner, but being his pity friend it absolutely pathetic. I know what you are talking about, I have experienced the same thing. I stopped calling and let the friendship die because it made me feel pathetic. Having no friends is better than that situation.


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## Phillip Stimpleton (Sep 28, 2014)

I do understand what you are going through. I had a friend at work, we used to always be scheduled to work together. We talked about everything, even our most intimate secrets. We even said "I love you" to each other. As soon as we stopped being scheduled together she stopped making effort completely. We still talked but only when I initiated. After a bit, I recognized the pattern and stopped initiating. That was it......poof, the end of our relationship completely. We don't even make small talk when passing in the hall anymore. It hurt my feelings greatly, but I am not about to be that much of a loser to push myself on someone who obviously doesn't care.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Phillip Stimpleton said:


> Stop calling this person to run, or to do anything else. He clearly does not want to hang out with you. He probably just feels obligated. He is not your friend, he doesn't really like you......stop calling. It sucks to lose the social connection and the running partner, but being his pity friend it absolutely pathetic. I know what you are talking about, I have experienced the same thing. I stopped calling and let the friendship die because it made me feel pathetic. Having no friends is better than that situation.


I don't call him, it was his idea to start up a facebook group for the running. I invited everyone from that sport that wants to run. I am the one that just posts in the group saying the set time and day, that is all.

I caught on early, that things seemed a bit out of it, and I am fairly sure I didn't come across as needy or pressuring or anything. I just sort of gave benefit of the doubt at first and then yeah, just sick of it, haha.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I am in the same situation now, I have 1 friend and I am a last resort, I don't call him and months go by. He has a million other friends. 

I sent him about 2 or 3 long E-mails calling him out on all his BS which I dont regret but either way he is a d*** for making me the third or fourth or 10th option when everyone else cancels. 

I wouldn't take it personally, because the guy I knew I think did the same thing with tons of other friends, he like recycles through tons of them and finds new ones.

Still pretty amazed how I now have no friends once again, same old story, while everyone else seems to have no problem meeting new people, sad and almost frightening


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> I am in the same situation now, I have 1 friend and I am a last resort, I don't call him and months go by. He has a million other friends.
> 
> I sent him about 2 or 3 long E-mails calling him out on all his BS which I dont regret but either way he is a d*** for making me the third or fourth or 10th option when everyone else cancels.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I am not taking it personal, I'd just rather not have to go through any extra torture or anything like that. I know how you feel exactly. It seems any of my current so called friends are mostly just befriending me out of pity, which is really just as bad if not worse than having no one.

As stated, I notice a lot of people will come to me first when they need help with something but apart from that, I become the last resort and yeah mate, I've seen people that seemed pretty insecure with themselves and looked like they had issues to a mass degree, yet they could make friends and have people want their company. To tell you the truth, when I see that, I don't become envious but I question myself, how on earth? Yet I can't get anyone that wants my company or at least not for too long, few months at most. But this person is making it look so easy, yet it is very clear they have issues and are insecure and everything.

Maybe it is god's will? I suppose some people have to be loners in this world? There will always be a community for something.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> I've seen people that seemed pretty insecure with themselves and looked like they had issues to a mass degree, yet they could make friends and have people want their company.


I've seen the most sick evil horrible that even committed crimes with tons of friends and super-popular. You don't have to even be a halfway decent person, if you show strength even to the point of insanity and cause destruction, you somehow will get followers.

People like me, nice, kind, polite, no one wants to hear from,

I am pretty convinced I have a great personality, which I don't show on this site, but a few people thought I was hilarious either a girl I dated or friend, but meeting new people... at this point it is like the most boring vacuous shallow desperate people, even THEY avoid me like the plague.
Very strange phenomenon,

If I based my life around being liked by people, I would say I am cursed.

If I wanted to live like a monk, I would I guess accept it and be satisfied


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> I've seen the most sick evil horrible that even committed crimes with tons of friends and super-popular. You don't have to even be a halfway decent person, if you show strength even to the point of insanity and cause destruction, you somehow will get followers.
> 
> People like me, nice, kind, polite, no one wants to hear from,
> 
> ...


I understand where you're coming from exactly. I think kindness is viewed as weakness in society? I have the ability to make people laugh as well but then those people seem to hang around just for the entertainment, if I am not keeping up with making them laugh, they are gone as quick as lightning. I honestly treat everyone as equals, I don't think I am better than anyone on this earth, I try to show humility in all things. I am quiet about my own achievements and recognition. In group things, when someone tries to give credit to me, I even state how I didn't do it, we did it as a group.

I consider myself a strong person, I'm committed to an extremely hard sport, and it's really changed me for the best, I have heart and I am the type of person that won't give up, no matter how much pain I go through, I don't like to show any forms of weakness either.

I admit I am frustrated because I want answers as to why, however, I do have the ability to not care what others think of me, I like me and I think that's the most important thing and I think that's an important strength people should have, not to care what others think and just to be yourself and like yourself for who you are, I am sure you have a good personality mate, I believe everyone has value on this earth, everyone has something to teach and contribute in this world. 

UPDATE***

Just an update on what's going on with that running partner, I've said that I will go running alone and they are pushing the issue a bit as to why I want to go alone and what's the deal, if it's because I can't make the time, I just said that I just want to go alone.


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## Phillip Stimpleton (Sep 28, 2014)

Just curious, what is the sport you play?


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Ironic when these people squawk when you want to distance yourself. 
If not you, there will be always someone else to fill the void.
People use other people don't they - anyway. 
You are right it is hard to deal with at times and having the courage to move on can be more difficult but it usually is better than dwelling in a mess you were trapped in. 
I definitely commend you for breaking away as any social connection can be addictive even if the outcome is unpleasant or end up leaving you drained etc.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Phillip Stimpleton said:


> Just curious, what is the sport you play?


I do various martial arts, karate, kickboxing etc


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

H8PPLNDGS said:


> Ironic when these people squawk when you want to distance yourself.
> If not you, there will be always someone else to fill the void.
> People use other people don't they - anyway.
> You are right it is hard to deal with at times and having the courage to move on can be more difficult but it usually is better than dwelling in a mess you were trapped in.
> I definitely commend you for breaking away as any social connection can be addictive even if the outcome is unpleasant or end up leaving you drained etc.


Yeah, I agree, it is quite ironic when people squawk when people are distancing themselves from them, same as how it's very ironic when someone comes up acting tough and all full of crap up until you give them a good solid shot and then everything just changes, they whimp out, get scared, it's the complete opposite to how they were just acting. Probably the most annoying part is when you try to distance yourself, the other person tries to make you feel like the bad person and tries to pull a guilt trip on you, I won't let them get the better of me. 

Yes, definitely +1 to what you're saying, I find these days the world is full of people that are overly competitive, narcissist, arrogant, self-centered.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Just an update on what's going on with that running partner, I've said that I will go running alone and they are pushing the issue a bit as to why I want to go alone and what's the deal, if it's because I can't make the time, I just said that I just want to go alone.


You are on the right path, I have reached the point in my life after being through enough B.S. that I have called out every single person who I really knew who backstabbed me whether it be on Facebook, writing letters through the mail, family members, you name it.

If he contacts you again, you may as well tell him EXACTLY IN DETAIL what you are annoyed at him about, saying you are vaguely frustrated is positive but you need to be explicit,

Don't worry about the outcome or how he responds, the situation is already f***-ed up, you know?

That is what I would do


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> You are on the right path, I have reached the point in my life after being through enough B.S. that I have called out every single person who I really knew who backstabbed me whether it be on Facebook, writing letters through the mail, family members, you name it.
> 
> If he contacts you again, you may as well tell him EXACTLY IN DETAIL what you are annoyed at him about, saying you are vaguely frustrated is positive but you need to be explicit,
> 
> ...


Yeah, from my experience, then those people try make you out to be the bad guy for the simple fact that you stood ground and said your peace, because in society these days it's considered not normal, we must go very indirectly about things, not direct and blunt.

He won't contact me again, I will still need to see him in the gym though but I doubt he will make a big deal about things or anything. 
I've already taken action on the issue at hand, I've terminated the running with him already and certainly won't be bringing up the topic either.

It's walking on the right path but it doesn't necessarily fix the issue long-term, I'm sure he won't be the last to try that crap on me. far from the last, i'd say.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

I hate people like that. Tell 'em how that makes you feel, and if they don't start treating you better, give them the cold shoulder


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Yeah, I agree, it is quite ironic when people squawk when people are distancing themselves from them, same as how it's very ironic when someone comes up acting tough and all full of crap up until you give them a good solid shot and then everything just changes, they whimp out, get scared, it's the complete opposite to how they were just acting. Probably the most annoying part is when you try to distance yourself, the other person tries to make you feel like the bad person and tries to pull a guilt trip on you, I won't let them get the better of me.
> 
> Yes, definitely +1 to what you're saying, I find these days the world is full of people that are overly competitive, narcissist, arrogant, self-centered.


It's like you can never do no wrong but they have complete leeway to wrong you and expect you to be ok with it.

Are you continuing to run with others or just on your own atm?


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> He won't contact me again, I will still need to see him in the gym though but I doubt he will make a big deal about things or anything.


If you have to see him at the gym, that does kinda change things, you can't really be that direct knowing you will see the person every day.

Also, if you run into him once a month at the gym or less, I would say just let him have it in an E-mail, if you see him more regularly, I would say wait till one of you changes gyms.

You can also hit him with a 3 pound dumbbell or spot him and then as he is bench pressing and is stuck you say, "sorry I have an appointment" and just walk out haha


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

H8PPLNDGS said:


> It's like you can never do no wrong but they have complete leeway to wrong you and expect you to be ok with it.
> 
> Are you continuing to run with others or just on your own atm?


You said it man, hit the nail on the head. I've come across so many people that think they can do wrong by you and disrespect you but expect you to treat them nice, don't do anything wrong to them and just shake it off immediately like it never happened.

Also reminds me of people that under value your valuables but then over value their valuables and those that look at something you own like it's a piece of junk but hang on a minute, the person that owns that might think that's the best thing in the world...

Running partners seem easy to find, I am currently running on my own though, it's only once a week as I have a bunch of classes to attend to during the week. 



Conquer Fear said:


> If you have to see him at the gym, that does kinda change things, you can't really be that direct knowing you will see the person every day.
> 
> Also, if you run into him once a month at the gym or less, I would say just let him have it in an E-mail, if you see him more regularly, I would say wait till one of you changes gyms.
> 
> You can also hit him with a 3 pound dumbbell or spot him and then as he is bench pressing and is stuck you say, "sorry I have an appointment" and just walk out haha


Yeah, I run into him more than once a month, it's a martial arts gym by the way, I should have been a bit more clearer about that. I could always just give him a proper hit or two during our next sparring together haha.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Yeah, I run into him more than once a month, it's a martial arts gym by the way, I should have been a bit more clearer about that. I could always just give him a proper hit or two during our next sparring together haha.


You could knee him in the head like in MMA or use plaster in your gloves, or you can bite his ear like Mike Tyson if he doesn't get the message, also you can hit him below the belt


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> You could knee him in the head like in MMA or use plaster in your gloves, or you can bite his ear like Mike Tyson if he doesn't get the message, also you can hit him below the belt


I don't reckon he will make a big deal about it, probably won't even bother to acknowledge it even happened, I would be very surprised if he tries to talk to me about the subject to tell you the truth. One of the guys that guy talks to a lot is really full of himself, acts all tough and everything, I remember that guy threatened to beat me up when I first started at that place, I just laughed it off and ignored it, It wasn't long ago I put him on the canvas though, he didn't take it well, weak as piss really. He hasn't said a word to me really since, I reckon this guy won't be much different to him.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> I don't reckon he will make a big deal about it, probably won't even bother to acknowledge it even happened, I would be very surprised if he tries to talk to me about the subject to tell you the truth. One of the guys that guy talks to a lot is really full of himself, acts all tough and everything, I remember that guy threatened to beat me up when I first started at that place, I just laughed it off and ignored it, It wasn't long ago I put him on the canvas though, he didn't take it well, weak as piss really. He hasn't said a word to me really since, I reckon this guy won't be much different to him.


Well if you are fighting on canvas I assume with gloves on and lifting weights, then yea it probably is not a good idea to even bring anything up other than, "no, can't make it" otherwise you will be labeled as a wimp.

Weightlifters and boxers tend to be slightly insane, it is like you work out and feel great, then come down from the high and have nothing to do with all the energy, that is kinda why I stopped lifting, it is like a high that wears off, I cope by throwing things around my apartment when I am pis*ed off.

Anyway in a place like that, I doubt anyone there will want to or be able to think analytically it is all about posturing etc. very few of those extreme athletes like NFL players boxers or MMA fighters are relaxed people they seem to always be on edge or on the verge of snapping


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> Well if you are fighting on canvas I assume with gloves on and lifting weights, then yea it probably is not a good idea to even bring anything up other than, "no, can't make it" otherwise you will be labeled as a wimp.
> 
> Weightlifters and boxers tend to be slightly insane, it is like you work out and feel great, then come down from the high and have nothing to do with all the energy, that is kinda why I stopped lifting, it is like a high that wears off, I cope by throwing things around my apartment when I am pis*ed off.
> 
> Anyway in a place like that, I doubt anyone there will want to or be able to think analytically it is all about posturing etc. very few of those extreme athletes like NFL players boxers or MMA fighters are relaxed people they seem to always be on edge or on the verge of snapping


Nah, we wernt doing BJJ, I hit him with a really solid right hand and he crumbled, knocked him down on the canvas, took him probably 12 seconds to get up, he didn't want anymore so we stopped but I hope that was a lesson learnt for him. "Never underestimate your opponent ever"

I think it's fine if you can learn control, I feel heaps better after a workout, the feeling becomes addictive really.

I don't feel things will really change in the aspect of socializing and mingling with other people.
In an old job I was in, I was heavily disliked for what reason I have no idea. 
One guy who wasn't really liked much either use to talk to me a bit, he heard a bunch of gossip going around the workplace about me, he told me about it and some of the things that were said. I ended up quitting that job because I got over being treated like crap there.
I've had people come up and talk to me, ask me a question then be rude and look around and not even paying attention to what I am saying. I even had one chick ask me a few questions, I was talking and then she said I have to go to the bathroom, didn't even go to the bathroom, just went a few seats down and started talking to someone else. LOL

Even online, I get people ignoring me or just giving short responses. I don't find myself clingy or needy. I really think I should just put it down to bad body language and looking a bit rough and unapproachable perhaps.

I think I just have to live with it, I'm pretty over people being morons to me.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Nah, we wernt doing BJJ, I hit him with a really solid right hand and he crumbled, knocked him down on the canvas, took him probably 12 seconds to get up, he didn't want anymore so we stopped but I hope that was a lesson learnt for him. "Never underestimate your opponent ever"
> 
> I think I just have to live with it, I'm pretty over people being morons to me.


Never underestimating your opponent can carry on to other aspects of life. In a workplace, some skinny short kid can seem like a target but have connections and destroy you. Or could be a master manipulator.

With friends in workplace or in general, my best bet is finding the 1 out of 100,000 ppl who like me that I get along with... I then proceed to suffocate them because I have no options of anyone else to hang out with or who accept me. So then I become like this burden, most people have tons of friends, I mean even much less popular people I have noticed meet with friends from high school college, old jobs. It is like they have good friends they hang with regularly and then old aquaintances they meet every month or two or every year.

At this point, it is partially not caring and partially like why leave my apartment, I just don't want to be REMINDED that I am so abnormal and be seen alone in public too much. That is my real fear now, LOOKING like a loser.

I think a lot of it is people in USA I think use a lot of dumb slogans, and one-liners. Almost every person uses the same variations of cliches.

I tend to see things from a unique perspective, and say somewhat odd things. The bottom line is THEY ARE ALL ODD for being the same, you know? Almost no one is original anymore, so you have to be upbeat, funny in an almost shallow and uneducated and dopey way


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> Never underestimating your opponent can carry on to other aspects of life. In a workplace, some skinny short kid can seem like a target but have connections and destroy you. Or could be a master manipulator.
> 
> With friends in workplace or in general, my best bet is finding the 1 out of 100,000 ppl who like me that I get along with... I then proceed to suffocate them because I have no options of anyone else to hang out with or who accept me. So then I become like this burden, most people have tons of friends, I mean even much less popular people I have noticed meet with friends from high school college, old jobs. It is like they have good friends they hang with regularly and then old aquaintances they meet every month or two or every year.
> 
> ...


Yeah, that's true, I agree, never underestimate anyone in any situation.

Yeah, I've seen people that are an emotional wreckage and still have friends and people hanging around them, I suppose it is a bit demoralizing when you have to see that, especially when you're going around feeling confident and on your game and still can't get anyone interested in wanting to know you.

You won't change it man unless you do something about it, don't fear that, the biggest tool is not caring at all what anyone thinks of you, I go out in public alone all the time, that's 90% of my life when going outside, ahaha.

Yeah, over here it's quite racist as well, Asians hanging with Asians and so forth. Numerous times when I've been outside alone and dressed well and everything I've had Asians point at me and call me a "Bogan" which is the equivalent of a ******* over this way, I don't even match the description but oh well, it's only words. I don't want to victimize, many others have had the same thing happen to them.

Yeah, it's got me mate, I have no idea how people do it, what I am doing wrong and so on. I think I can make people laugh and all but it doesn't change anything, I've had people just hang around for the laughter and the entertainment, as soon as that finishes they are gone as quick as lightning.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Yeah, that's true, I agree, never underestimate anyone in any situation.
> 
> Yeah, over here it's quite racist as well, Asians hanging with Asians and so forth. Numerous times when I've been outside alone and dressed well and everything I've had Asians point at me and call me a "Bogan" which is the equivalent of a ******* over this way, I don't even match the description but oh well, it's only words. I don't want to victimize, many others have had the same thing happen to them.


What bothers me more is that the most morally corrupt sometimes can have tons of friends.

Asians I find here in Brooklyn NY are a minority but I am just noticing many give me dirty looks and I think a lot of it is jealousy, Asians were always stereotypically serving the white man, most are very smart but are forced to work in Chinese restaurants or Laundromats as a last resort. Young Asian men specifically I find have a chip on their shoulder.

Anyway here, Blacks and Latinos seem outwardly hostile for the most part, where Asians kinda are rude under the surface more, like not as blatant.

Well with me, I can meet people and hang with them for a while, but like I said, it is very hard to find 1 or 2 people I click with, where some of these dirtbag jerks have dozens of friends and are in a social circle where they will continue to meet more and more friends and the cycle continues. Basically, if I am LUCKY I will make 1 friend a DECADE where to most people they are TURNING DOWN friends wanting to hang out

Agree that you can't care, that is the best attitude to show publicly, but at the end of the day when you come home alone, you do care.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> You said it man, hit the nail on the head. I've come across so many people that think they can do wrong by you and disrespect you but expect you to treat them nice, don't do anything wrong to them and just shake it off immediately like it never happened.
> 
> Also reminds me of people that under value your valuables but then over value their valuables and those that look at something you own like it's a piece of junk but hang on a minute, the person that owns that might think that's the best thing in the world...
> 
> ...


There are so many undervalued people as there are fewer yet still many overhyped asswipes. Yes you are right they can't smell their own stink and part with their treasured garbage.

At least you have other things going for you. That guy does deserve a proper beating but then he would probably beg for more like a dog.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Conquer Fear said:


> Never underestimating your opponent can carry on to other aspects of life. In a workplace, some skinny short kid can seem like a target but have connections and destroy you. Or could be a master manipulator.
> 
> With friends in workplace or in general, my best bet is finding the 1 out of 100,000 ppl who like me that I get along with... I then proceed to suffocate them because I have no options of anyone else to hang out with or who accept me. So then I become like this burden, most people have tons of friends, I mean even much less popular people I have noticed meet with friends from high school college, old jobs. It is like they have good friends they hang with regularly and then old aquaintances they meet every month or two or every year.
> 
> ...


I feel pretty much a lot of what you said here. I never tried to be aggressive to anyone at my old work. But when I had to (i.e the crap quack word they use is "assertiveness" which doesn't work as expected in the real world, yet a bunch of quacks made fortunes selling their worthless books on "assertiveness") , because someone was overly rude and doing crap in my 'cubicle", they would try to give me grief the rest of my days there.

I'd always gotten along better with older "outcasts". Currently have no friends now. Refused to be in a situation(s) which continually devolved into disrespect from said former "friend"(s).


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> What bothers me more is that the most morally corrupt sometimes can have tons of friends.
> 
> Asians I find here in Brooklyn NY are a minority but I am just noticing many give me dirty looks and I think a lot of it is jealousy, Asians were always stereotypically serving the white man, most are very smart but are forced to work in Chinese restaurants or Laundromats as a last resort. Young Asian men specifically I find have a chip on their shoulder.
> 
> ...


Yeah, you're not wrong, people who are bad in terms of morals generally are not lacking in friends, having said that, the rich don't get rich from being honest in most cases do they? The rich get rich from breaking rules and being morally wrong usually.

Yeah, I've also gotten a lot better at not caring still when I get home as well, I occasionally get the feeling of frustration by what's going on though.

I seen that guy recently, he came up to me right away and started trying to talk to me, I gave him a dose of his own medicine and briefly answered him with a nice tone and everything but then proceeded to continue talking to someone else.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

H8PPLNDGS said:


> There are so many undervalued people as there are fewer yet still many overhyped asswipes. Yes you are right they can't smell their own stink and part with their treasured garbage.
> 
> At least you have other things going for you. That guy does deserve a proper beating but then he would probably beg for more like a dog.


Well, I work pretty hard for the things I want in life, I'm always trying to exercise or hone my passions or trying to learn new things to gain a skill set. Always trying to gain knowledge from others and share knowledge.

Got to put in more hours doing something to make up for my lack of a social life hehe.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Well, I work pretty hard for the things I want in life, I'm always trying to exercise or hone my passions or trying to learn new things to gain a skill set. Always trying to gain knowledge from others and share knowledge.
> 
> Got to put in more hours doing something to make up for my lack of a social life hehe.


I think the key thing is not learning a skill or hobby or build their body up or read classic Literature or travel or learn etiquette, you are better off learning angles of how to win, and you will be more successful than worrying about all that other B.S. If you learn the ropes of how to play games, with women with your enemies, that I think comes in more handy.

For example, school for the most part is B.S. earning a degree is different, but schools should teach LIFE LESSONS like dealing with pr*cks, how to handle SITUATIONS, rather than Math, Social Studies, Science, Algebra, Spanish, Gym, etc. If you are not one of the cool kids you will be tortured in each CLASS that TEACHES these subjects!!! Imagine the irony. If you are a nerdy or fat kid, you will get picked on and then not be able to concentrate in any of those classes. Forget Pre-Calculus and History, teach LIFE


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

ils25r said:


> I feel pretty much a lot of what you said here. I never tried to be aggressive to anyone at my old work. But when I had to (i.e the crap quack word they use is "assertiveness" which doesn't work as expected in the real world, yet a bunch of quacks made fortunes selling their worthless books on "assertiveness") , because someone was overly rude and doing crap in my 'cubicle", they would try to give me grief the rest of my days there.
> 
> I'd always gotten along better with older "outcasts". Currently have no friends now. Refused to be in a situation(s) which continually devolved into disrespect from said former "friend"(s).


Yea that is a tough one, if you don't stand up to someone who gives you s**t, you end up being walked all over, but you have to pick your battles. Like if it is a minor incident, you really should generally let it slide... If your hands are tied, and you are just losing the battle, you kinda have nothing to lose by fighting back.

Another problem is if you are outnumbered or you in a no-win situation, you just may as well throw in the towel or hope you get to leave or transferred or move or whatever.

People use cliches like, "You have to stand up for yourself" --not always an option.

"Things can always change or get better, they just take time" --sometimes you are just in a nightmare situation and you have to just pray it ends

If you are in an ideal work or living situation and have friends, NEVER LEAVE IT IF AT ALL POSSIBLE. Even if you make more money somewhere else, or it is a nicer area etc. who CARES, turn it down, because it is SUPER HARD to find new decent friends, women, or co-workers


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> I think the key thing is not learning a skill or hobby or build their body up or read classic Literature or travel or learn etiquette, you are better off learning angles of how to win, and you will be more successful than worrying about all that other B.S. If you learn the ropes of how to play games, with women with your enemies, that I think comes in more handy.
> 
> For example, school for the most part is B.S. earning a degree is different, but schools should teach LIFE LESSONS like dealing with pr*cks, how to handle SITUATIONS, rather than Math, Social Studies, Science, Algebra, Spanish, Gym, etc. If you are not one of the cool kids you will be tortured in each CLASS that TEACHES these subjects!!! Imagine the irony. If you are a nerdy or fat kid, you will get picked on and then not be able to concentrate in any of those classes. Forget Pre-Calculus and History, teach LIFE


Knowledge is power, learning skills is important, learning skills can make you a living, can save you time and money also. Learning how to play games with people and defeat people psychologically can be useful but that is also another skill to learn isn't it?

I think schools don't teach life lessons because they think it's up to parents to teach their children how to behave, treat others and teach life lessons and learning how to deal with idiots and situations in life also comes with experience I think. A majority of successful people have failed before they became successful, failing isn't necessarily a bad thing because you learn from it and then you can set yourself up for success.

While teachers can try to combat against bullying, It will happen man, because when people bully someone it's because they are insecure themselves and that is apart of being human sadly. People make other people pay to make themselves feel better and to look good and gain acceptance from others. Bullying isn't just about making oneself feel better about themselves, it's also a form of seeking out validation/approval from others.

Just my opinion, I can see and understand where you're coming from though. Good input.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Good input.


I agree with pretty much everything, I mean I guess having a skill is honorable if it pays off and it looks good on paper, but with skills and money, you have only conquered a few small things...

If you don't have the ability to influence people and draw people to you, and also have interpersonal skills whether it is pitting people against each other playing games or manipulating them, you are still really lost.

As far as elementary and high schools, I kinda disagree in that most schools up through high school or grade 12 spew the same rhetoric and nonsense to student after student. If you go to an elite private school, under the surface it is the still essentially the same s**t with a fresh coat of paint. If they teach the same basic idiotic curriculum to a million students and 1 Bill Gates and 1 Steve Jobs emerge, is that because that specific school taught the subject more coherently?

So I just disagree in that schools are a business and just in their neat and tidy way process kids through the same mind-numbing system year after year, only now half the kids are labeled as depressed and given medication, parents are expected to donate tens of thousands of dollars per year so that the budget can afford newer and more expensive phys ed facilities, draw more students and make more money, it is all a complete farce. 
I don't think that most schools make any real time for individual students, save a few elite private schools. Public School systems just want you in and out without any hassles or lawsuits etc.

I am not saying that they should teach "life lessons" exactly, but most schools just assign you work, don't want any thoughts or theories challenged that have been taught century after century. And they teach you the filtered version of every war, for the most part, you won't get any brutal truths.

I was bullied in school, but I don't even see it as bullying, I was a bad student and had little social skills and was basically a skinny tall geek.
The anti-bullying campaign is also B.S. because all they really are referring to is "natural selection" Bigger stronger and fearless animals breed and kill or scare off or injure any other animals in their path all down the line in the animal kingdom. Human beings are just like animals when you break it down... and I don't see any animals who are maimed or killed because they were too weak blame it on "bullying" haha

I know it is a weird analogy but the same way the Captain of the football team quarterback locked Eugene the fat short nerd in the locker for 5 hours, is the same way a male lion attacks or even kills other competing lions over a mate, to assert their dominance, without a winner there can't be a loser.

The upside of being #1 is that you are king of the jungle and on top, the downside is you have to CONSTANTLY assert your dominance and EVERYONE is scheming to take the top spot.

The only real danger for a beta or weak bottom of the food chain is not being able to blend into the background, and of course being left to die alone or hide from everything


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> I agree with pretty much everything, I mean I guess having a skill is honorable if it pays off and it looks good on paper, but with skills and money, you have only conquered a few small things...
> 
> If you don't have the ability to influence people and draw people to you, and also have interpersonal skills whether it is pitting people against each other playing games or manipulating them, you are still really lost.
> 
> ...


If you have skills and that lands you a good career, that only just gives you a desirable lifestyle and a living and the satisfaction of having that knowledge. Social skills are extremely important if you want to get far in life, not with just a career but with selling yourself as a person, manipulation and overall happiness.

In high school, you're just another number and that's all they will treat you as, even though they will deny that. We're living in a society that is extremely commercial, it's all about milking and cropping the cash. At least here, it doesn't matter whether you're in a private school or a public school, everyone is given the same materials, taught the same stuff. If you're not out-going in high school, you'll have a lot of issues socially and with bullying. Private schools can be worse as most of the students that go to a private school are extremely spoilt, don't be surprised if someone doesn't get bullied there for having a phone that is cheaper than the other students in the class for example.

I got bullied in school, It never lasted long as I was always the type to stand up for myself pretty quickly and neutralize the problem at hand. That's all just people trying to show other people "Look at me, look how tough I am" By shoving people in lockers and doing all those nasty crap to people. As you've probably heard the line "Only the strong survive and the strong feed off the weak" It's actually true I reckon for the most part.

Humans are clever and we've made ourselves useful, some of the best creations are from humans but then having said that, we can also be the worst thing that exists on the planet as well. Being on top might feel really good but there will always be haters, individuals that hate you because they want what you have and want to be on top. Every dog has it's day, no matter how good you are, everyone loses some day, no matter how long you've been on top, how good you think you are, there will always be someone out there that will eventually take it off you.

I feel that USA is just pure capitalism, however correct me if I am wrong.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> I feel that USA is just pure capitalism, however correct me if I am wrong.


A bigger issue with school, which for most students ends up being a waste, is that whatever you were categorized as in high school tends to be what you become when you grow up, not necessarily in terms of profession...

But like if you were an outcast in high school or on the chess team, or so much of an outcast you couldn't even be accepted with THOSE nerds, the chances that you break out of that in adulthood seem like they are slim to none. It is like whatever you were, or are, you end up being.

That is why if you stay in for years alone reading comic books and watching movies and playing video games, suddenly becoming hot property and a social person who goes to clubs is daunting terrifying and not even really possible. I guess you have to avoid all those ways of hiding or withdrawing before it is too late, because at some point, it can end up being too late. If you are conditioned to do the same thing day after day, it is only natural to continue doing it, regardless how it is crippling you.

About schools, if a great athlete goes to a high school or college, they will keep MVP and championship trophies on display for years or decades...

I mean on some level I am sure some are proud, but the bottom line is, that high school or college can push that angle of "Michael Jordan won a championship at North Carolina, Carmelo won a title at Syracuse University, Jerry Rice went to Mississipi Valley State," All it does is bring endless other students in to enroll and spend tens of thousands a semester hoping they will become the next star, which is almost impossible.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Well, I work pretty hard for the things I want in life, I'm always trying to exercise or hone my passions or trying to learn new things to gain a skill set. Always trying to gain knowledge from others and share knowledge.
> 
> Got to put in more hours doing something to make up for my lack of a social life hehe.


Sometimes it is lonely at the top as well :b
it's great to know you are doing positive things at your end, thus not giving up because of others. People truly have dragged me down plus the discouragement had made me quit and restart things too many times over. At least you can manage to motivate yourself, learn and share as much as you have. So many people social or not just rely on pretensions, excuses or whatever gets them by. 
Besides kicking *** and running away from cowards what else have you ventured in?


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

H8PPLNDGS said:


> Sometimes it is lonely at the top as well :b
> it's great to know you are doing positive things at your end, thus not giving up because of others. People truly have dragged me down plus the discouragement had made me quit and restart things too many times over. At least you can manage to motivate yourself, learn and share as much as you have. So many people social or not just rely on pretensions, excuses or whatever gets them by.
> Besides kicking *** and running away from cowards what else have you ventured in?


Well if they dragged you down and discouraged you, it's because you cared too much about what they think about you and a lack of self independence. It's been a massive challenge for me to get to where I currently am, I've had to endure through a lot of pain, sacrifice, blood, sweat, disappointments. I wasn't born a fighter, I became one. I believe that you can also do anything that you want to do, we're all capable of greatness.

I've ventured in things, traveled around quite a bit, I was an expat in a third world country previously for a while as well. I've experienced sitting with rich people at rich places eating, I've also experienced eating on the streets with poor people in other countries. I've donated blood to people in need. I have quite a strong knowledge in the IT field. I'm my own carpenter, my own mechanic, my own technician. I enjoy learning new things related to science especially, whether it be Physics or Chemistry.

I like to keep busy, it helps forget about having no social life and being a loner.
I do have one person I see here and there to hang out but it's not much, it's something at least though, although I don't know how long that will last.

The guy I was running with, he either doesn't get the hint or he doesn't want to get it and is just forcing himself on me, A few times this week he has asked me how I am and trying to be a tiny bit nice, he messaged me earlier tonight asking if I was going running tomorrow or not, I messaged back saying that I wasn't and that I was going to recover this weekend instead.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> A bigger issue with school, which for most students ends up being a waste, is that whatever you were categorized as in high school tends to be what you become when you grow up, not necessarily in terms of profession...
> 
> But like if you were an outcast in high school or on the chess team, or so much of an outcast you couldn't even be accepted with THOSE nerds, the chances that you break out of that in adulthood seem like they are slim to none. It is like whatever you were, or are, you end up being.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I suppose some people get sucked in though, go to this school because Michael Jordan went there etc. It does suck people in.

We're living in a very commercial world after all.

That old running partner of mine seems to be persistent and not taking any hints.
He tried to partner up with me today and I had partnered with someone already and rejected him. Then half way through, I go and grab my gloves and then he steals my partner.....
Then later as I am about to go home, he asks if I am going running this weekend....


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Visi0n said:


> Yeah, I suppose some people get sucked in though, go to this school because Michael Jordan went there etc. It does suck people in.
> 
> We're living in a very commercial world after all.
> 
> ...


I think you should be slightly more direct, I mean on some level he sounds like he is playing games or being pushy if he steals your partner and asks if you are going running this weekend. Either be more direct or you could even possibly ignore him when he suggests things etc.

Very weird situation but in the grand scheme it isn't weird at all with all the s*** that goes on in this world.

The main thing is to do things on your terms and win that way, if it means giving him the silent treatment or simply saying "No" and walking away, you win a small battle that way. Again because this is MMA you are dealing with tougher more macho people,

And the other factor is you don't want to make it so awkward you have to switch gyms too


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

Conquer Fear said:


> I think you should be slightly more direct, I mean on some level he sounds like he is playing games or being pushy if he steals your partner and asks if you are going running this weekend. Either be more direct or you could even possibly ignore him when he suggests things etc.
> 
> Very weird situation but in the grand scheme it isn't weird at all with all the s*** that goes on in this world.
> 
> ...


Yeah, that's true, It's a must to watch what I say and do exactly because I can't switch gyms, this is the better one out of the rest and I prefer to stay at this one. For a bit I've had a sore back, I think it's sprained/strained, I said that and he just keeps asking how it is and to let him know when I am gonna go back running, if at the end he just doesn't want to take the hints or get it, i'll just say it straight to his face.


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