# No sex appeal



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

What do you do if you have no sex appeal as a woman i.e. don't feel sexy, is physically without many curves, I mean my butt isn't flat but it's not huge either, just average. Same goes for my chest, it's very underwhelming.  If you feel tired, drained and just overall not very sexy but on the outside you look okay.. What does a woman do? How do guys feel about dating a boring yet ok looking girl? or who seems to be ok looking, yet there's nothing sexy about her. :/


----------



## NightWingLikeABoss (Sep 11, 2011)

coeur_brise said:


> What do you do if you have no sex appeal as a woman i.e. don't feel sexy, is physically without many curves, I mean my butt isn't flat but it's not huge either, just average. Same goes for my chest, it's very underwhelming.  If you feel tired, drained and just overall not very sexy but on the outside you look okay.. What does a woman do? How do guys feel about dating a boring yet ok looking girl? or who seems to be ok looking, yet there's nothing sexy about her. :/


Remember everybody's type is different. What you consider underwhelming, someone might consider perfection.
Believe!


----------



## Scruffy The Janitor (Oct 21, 2013)

NightWingLikeABoss said:


> What you consider underwhelming, someone might consider perfection.


^this


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

coeur_brise said:


> is physically without many curves,





coeur_brise said:


> I mean my butt isn't flat but it's not huge either, just average.





coeur_brise said:


> Same goes for my chest, it's very underwhelming.


^ These can be a hangup for some guys, but won't be a problem for others.



coeur_brise said:


> If you feel tired, drained and just overall not very sexy but on the outside you look okay.. What does a woman do?


...As far as how you feel about _yourself_, do you exercise at all? That (however little) can do you wonders... physically and mentally. You don't even have to leave the house (although that would be most beneficial) - just do a Google search on equipmentless workouts and cardio routines you can do at home. It doesn't have to be anything significant.

Your work, your home, your family, your diet, your sleep routine, etc.. are other things you could look at as far as what might be contributing to your feelings of being tired and drained.



coeur_brise said:


> How do guys feel about dating a boring yet ok looking girl?


What do you mean by 'boring'? Physically? Or is it your personality? I'm not sure I really believe in "boring"... If someone finds you boring, then that's just a clash of personalities (you're not a match for each other) or your personality is being stunted by anxiety, depression, or what have you (in which case your partner needs to allow you more time to let your personality shine through).



coeur_brise said:


> or who seems to be ok looking, yet there's nothing sexy about her. :/


If a guy is dating you, then he is attracted to you. He's into you. The rest is in your head and is a matter of you overcoming your own insecurities.


----------



## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I'm really boring myself so I wouldn't mind. 

I can really relate though. I wouldn't say that people hate or dislike me, but nobody remotely finds me sexually appealing.


----------



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

You seem to be under the impression that in order to be in a relationship with a guy you have to be some kind of sex goddess :b

Honestly, if you have a good personality and are friendly - you'll be surprised how far that can get you.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> ^ These can be a hangup for some guys, but won't be a problem for others.


And will be a turn on for others.

If the internet has taught me nothing else (and it hasn't), it's that different people are turned on by all kinds of different body shapes and features.

If you think I'm exaggerating, choose a feature of your body that you don't like or are self-conscious about, and with a bit of searching you will find some corner of the internet devoted entirely to people who find that particular feature hugely sexually attractive.

Human sexuality isn't just the narrow, airbrushed definition that is portrayed in advertisements and on TV, it's much, much more varied than that.

Remember, we are animals. The most basic thing about us is we want to **** each other. We wouldn't have survived this long as a species if only a very specific body type was all that was sexually attractive.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Paper Samurai said:


> You seem to be under the impression that in order to be in a relationship with a guy you have to be some kind of sex goddess :b


Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about them. And I feel I don't have that. In comparison, I feel like this:










(not serious but kind of)



TicklemeRingo said:


> If the internet has taught me nothing else (and it hasn't), it's that different people are turned on by all kinds of different body shapes and features.
> 
> If you think I'm exaggerating, choose a feature of your body that you don't like or are self-conscious about, and with a bit of searching you will find some corner of the internet devoted entirely to people who find that particular feature hugely sexually attractive.


True, though I remember once trying to look for pictures of breasts resembling mine and came across a site featuring girls with "mosquito bites." It seemed to be fetishized almost and I don't want to be a fetish if it's not a normal sexual attraction, you know? And yes, I do have mosquito bites. They are just.. tiny.

Also, I feel similar to Lady Gaga in that, although she is attractive, seems like not a lot of guys lust after her maybe because she is crude, overly sexually aggressive, odd? Those kinds of things.. maybe I just have an unappealing personality.


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Lady Gaga isn't attractive.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I have to see it.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

coeur_brise said:


> Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about them. And I feel I don't have that. In comparison, I feel like this:


 That thread is just ridiculous though- The *biggest idiots of SAS* constantly posting as many airbrushed/photoshopped pictures as possible, accompanied by inane and pathetic comments.

In real life people's standards aren't like that. And attraction is bound up with personality, personal preferences, shared ideas, and all sorts of other things. Only a few (very loud but very dull) people judge solely on appearance- the rest of us experience attraction in much more complicated ways.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the *'cutest girl' thread*, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about them. And I feel I don't have that.


I'd just make a few points about that thread and why I don't think it should be taken as an accurate representation of all that guys find attractive.

1) There's only about 5 or 6 guys posting over and over again. Most of the male members on the forum, myself included, have stayed out of it. So it really is mostly just the opinions of a few guys. Personally I find a range of body types/features attractive.

2) As it's a "post the hottest girl" thread (let's not kid ourselves with 'cute' thing), it shouldn't be confused with: "post the _only_ girls you find attractive". People there are basically posting their absolute top fantasy sexual/romantic partner. There would undoubtedly be a much wider range of types that even the guys in that thread find attractive. They're just posting their "top 1 or 2%", so to speak.

By way of example, lets say we take a random selection of people and say that each one of those people has 10 different types that they find attractive.

Out of the 10 there could be a whole range of different physical types, depending the personal tastes of each individual. One person's list could feature some quite different types to another person's.

However there almost certainly will be at least 1 or 2 types they all have in common, regardless of how different the rest of their lists are.

These common types are what we see mostly in the media, in films and in advertisements (and in that thread).

When a movie director is choosing romantic leads for their movie, they will tend to choose a man and women who as many people as possible find attractive, because they are trying to get as wide an audience as possible. Likewise, when an advertiser wants to feature people in an ad for their product, they will choose models/actors who are attractive to as many people as possible because, once again, they are going for mass appeal.

When money is on the line, people tend to make "safe" choices. If a company gets market research saying that a higher percentage of public find big-breasted blondes attractive than other types, then they will play it safe and hire the big-breasted blonde for their ad/movie/photo-shoot.

So when we look at the media, or that "cutest girl you've ever seen" thread, yes it can seem like only a very specific physical type is considered attractive. But that's a mistaken assumption. That narrow, specific definition of attractiveness is actually not really an accurate representation of all that is found attractive by people.



coeur_brise said:


> True, though I remember once trying to look for pictures of breasts resembling mine and came across a site featuring girls with "mosquito bites." It seemed to be fetishized almost and I don't want to be a fetish if it's not a normal sexual attraction, you know? And yes, I do have mosquito bites. They are just.. tiny.


I can understand that (to a degree - after all, what is a normal attraction?)
But there are fetishes, and then there are simply tastes/likes. Some of the sites I've seen have been for fetishists, but some are merely more general appreciation of a particular aesthetic. I know for a fact that a lot of guys have quite varied tastes when it comes to what they find attractive.

There a tons and tons of tumblr pages of women with small breasts, belonging to guys who find them really attractive. A lot of people find a more "petite" physique more aesthetically pleasing than other types, and there are also people (like myself) who find that type of physical feature to be one of a number of different body types they find very attractive.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Good lord that turned into a long post! :shock


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

coeur_brise said:


> Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about them.


That thread shouldn't be taken seriously. As someone said, they're more like a fantasy than anything. Also, attraction is more than just looks. I don't know the girls I've posted on there. They're just hot and that's the end of that. Doesn't mean I won't be attracted to someone else.


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> That thread is just ridiculous though- The *biggest idiots of SAS* constantly posting as many airbrushed/photoshopped pictures as possible, accompanied by inane and pathetic comments.


So, what would you say about the women posting airbrushed, photo shopped, almost naked guys in the hottest guy thread. (Or whatever it's called)


----------



## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

OP, I'm not sure if you are being serious or not. I also don't know what levels your sensibilities have been exposed to, but I'm pretty sure almost any woman can go to bar, club, hell any social gathering, and receive wanted or unwanted advances from multiple guys. If at a bar or club the later it is the more desperate some guys become so for a women it is truly only a waiting game. Now, this also depends on how picky you are. As I am sure you receive advances frequently, but if its not from someone you find yourself attracted to you most likely don't even register it. Maybe give some of the ones you've rejected a shot, they may make you feel like the most beautiful creature alive with little effort on your part.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

gunner21 said:


> So, what would you say about the women posting airbrushed, photo shopped, almost naked guys in the hottest guy thread. (Or whatever it's called)


 Something very similar. 
It's ridiculously unhelpful on a forum like this where so many people have issues regarding their appearance.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Those threads shouldn't be taken seriously. Just saying.


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> Something very similar.
> It's ridiculously unhelpful on a forum like this where so many people have issues regarding their appearance.


Fair enough. I disagree, but let's not make this thread about that.


----------



## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

I'm not sexually attractive either. 
Forever alone</3


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

gunner21 said:


> So, what would you say about the women posting airbrushed, photo shopped, almost naked guys in the hottest guy thread. (Or whatever it's called)


Although I think those guys are conventionally attractive, for me, it's not my first choice or what I may actually be attracted to since one doesn't run into those people in every day life. I've seen studs on SAS too, they just don't know it since well, I didn't comment.. 

@Ringo, I can see what you're saying. There are several different kinds of hot, but there was one thread saying to post an actual cute girl and browsing through that thread made me realize I wasn't that hot after all. It's like realizing you're the sun in our solar system and girls like Antares exist out there. :/ Even Beetlejuice is hotter. But anyway, I was never the type of girl to get lots of attention, contrary to what guys think girls get all the time... I just don't elicit that response of, "Wow.. the way you look, those eyes, that face.. Please talk to me!" :|


----------



## Bluestar29 (Oct 26, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about them. And I feel I don't have that.
> 
> (not serious but kind of)
> 
> True, though I remember once trying to look for pictures of breasts resembling mine and came across a site featuring girls with "mosquito bites." It seemed to be fetishized almost and I don't want to be a fetish if it's not a normal sexual attraction, you know? And yes, I do have mosquito bites. They are just.. tiny.


What is your definition of " normal attraction?"


----------



## CheekyBunny (Nov 10, 2013)

I don't believe sex appeal is limited to just 'curves'.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> @Ringo, I can see what you're saying. There are several different kinds of hot, but there was one thread saying to post an actual cute girl and browsing through that thread made me realize I wasn't that hot after all.


I don't find a lot of the girls in that thread all that attractive to be honest.

Sexiness is attitude and personality much more than just appearance. A person can have physical beauty without being sexy, and a person can be quite physically "ordinary" and yet still be very sexy.

Uniqueness is an important part of beauty, I think. With a lot of the girls in that thread (particularly the ones posted by Elad), I don't really see any uniqueness. They mostly look stereotypical - it's the same thing over and over: the fake tan, the same hair, more or less the same clothes etc.... Not that there is anything at all wrong with that of course, just my own personal tastes.

As for small boobs, I think it's worth noting that of the few really well known female porn stars out there at the moment, two of the perhaps best known are Sasha Grey who has relatively small boobs, and Stoya, who is virtually flat chested. So it seems that small boobs alone aren't a barrier to being sexy.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Bluestar29 said:


> What is your definition of " normal attraction?"


I guess there is no definition of normal attraction, but I meant what society/biology deems attractive (big bottom, big boobs, tall, skinny). I dunno, since I lack both or all of these things, it's society's way of saying "um.. not super sexy, sorry."


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

TicklemeRingo said:


> As for small boobs, I think it's worth noting that of the few really well known female porn stars out there at the moment, two of the perhaps best known are Sasha Grey who has relatively small boobs, and Stoya, who is virtually flat chested. So it seems that small boobs alone aren't a barrier to being sexy.


Ah yes.. though the thing not also mentioned is that they are freaks in bed, which I'm assuming a lot of men go for and honestly, I'm not a freaky girl. Maybe it's my sex drive, maybe depression.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> Ah yes.. though the thing not also mentioned is that they are freaks in bed, which I'm assuming a lot of men go for and honestly, I'm not a freaky girl. Maybe it's my sex drive, maybe depression.


Fair enough. Though I'd argue that they are both physically attractive people, and would still be physically attractive even if they weren't in porn or freaky in bed.


----------



## Ganos Lal (Nov 28, 2013)

Everybody's different, nobody ever gave me a second though and I thought exactally the same till I started working at a certain place, not going to mention where because of the nature of the place, but I'm not the stereotypical "camp skinny gay guy" I was 15st quite muscly but not overly defined, just a average body type, some people found it a complete turn off but most thought I was quite fit and it opened my eyes really to what people thought, I was actually quite taken back to the genuine attention I got, obviously there was the usual people just want one thing type of attention and other people thought they were gods gift to looks and only went after the stereotypical type but I was actually quite pleased. Everyone finds different people attractive so what ever you think you look like its perfect fine and that's just the way you are.


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> "Lady gaga isn't attractive"..
> 
> You sure about that ?


She's had a ton of work done right? And I don't find her particularly attractive.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Is that lady gaga?


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> Isn't it true though? If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another. They may not be overtly sexual, but there is something inexplicably attractive about .


I bet you anything a majority of those photos are photoshopped. There are literally guys on the internet that take pics of girls and photoshop to make their boobs look bigger. Even if they're not photoshopped or airbrushed, it is probably padding in their bras or implants (both of which are not natural) there are a lot of tricks to looking a certain way. I saw on TV this woman who was anorexic who wore padded bra and padded underwear. When she took them off, she looked completely different .

I guess the point in so many girls feel bad about not NATURALLY looking "sexy", yet to look sexy there is a lot of work involved.. So we shouldn't feel bad at all.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

In the first pic, this chick might not qualify for the cutest girl thread. In the third, she would. She is wearing a wonder bra. See what I'm saying?


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> She's had a ton of work done right? And I don't find her particularly attractive.


How is she not attractive? That was before she was famous.
She has nice hair, nice face, and a nice body. What is unattractive about her?


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> See what I'm saying?


Not really. They are all fine and would be attractive to many people.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Not really. They are all fine and would be attractive to many people.


It's the same person ..and you clearly haven't checked out the cutest girl thread to see what I'm saying .. There are big boobs all over that thread


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> It's the same person ..and you clearly haven't checked out the cutest girl thread to see what I'm saying .. There are big boobs all over that thread


Yeah I know. I'm referring to the boobs. They are all attractive. And yes, I've seen that thread. See my comments about it in this thread.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

coeur_brise said:


> What do you do if you have no sex appeal as a woman i.e. don't feel sexy, is physically without many curves, I mean my butt isn't flat but it's not huge either, just average. Same goes for my chest, it's very underwhelming.  If you feel tired, drained and just overall not very sexy but on the outside you look okay.. What does a woman do? How do guys feel about dating a boring yet ok looking girl? or who seems to be ok looking, yet there's nothing sexy about her. :/


I can't read this kind of thread without thinking about how women are taught to see themselves as sexy/unsexy rather than independently sexual, and how huge a gap there is between the ideas in that dichotomy. I feel like when we think about sex we're tacitly encouraged to try to picture ourselves from the outside in some kind of hypothetical approximation of the male gaze, and it's hard to do that without finding yourself lacking. Even if you were making a positive judgement about your attractiveness it becomes problematic, because the focus becomes entirely based on someone else's desires rather than your own - you're moving your image of yourself from subject to object. The focus shouldn't be on what you look like but what you want. It's wrong that someone's feelings about sex in relation to themselves should be expected to be inextricably tied up with ideas about their physical appearance. Even if someone isn't conventionally "sexy" in terms of their body shape, it's completely unconnected to whether they are sexual. It's incredibly difficult not to slip into that line of thinking when it's so codified within society, but it's a hugely unhealthy aspect of the way our culture treats these things.

Abstract principles aside, though, and on a more practical/anecdotal note - people genuinely do see each other in a different light from the way we see ourselves. The things we most dislike about ourselves can be the things that other people find the most attractive about us, and it's not to do with fetishism, or even just the idea that other people are less critical about your body than you are. It's because they genuinely, sincerely like those things. I have a really hard time viewing myself as being in any way womanly or feminine because I'm small and don't have any kind of curves, but the few men who I've been naked with have never said anything but very nice things to me - they clearly haven't seen me in the way I would describe myself. Some of the things I've been given unprompted compliments on are the things I see as my biggest flaws. And it's been the same way with what I've said to other people - I've been completely surprised by the things they haven't liked about themselves. Like, regardless of whatever, your body is totally acceptable the way it is and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Even if your body isn't the one you'd choose if you could, it's your own, and that's the important thing. Even if it's just casual sex and you have no romantic feelings for that person, they're not just having sex with your body, they're having sex with you. You're an active participant as much as they are. You're personalised. And, I don't know, when I started thinking about it that way it became very easy to feel comfortable.

Thinking about yourself only in terms of what you look like, in any area of life, kind of reduces your trust in your own personhood. Having struggled very severely with body image issues in the past I know believing it is easier said than done, but you are better than OK. Don't just feel neutral - feel positive. It's a cliche, but it's all natural and normal and whatever and people come in different shapes and sizes, and whatever you have going on, there's going to be more than one person out there who's really into it.

I hope I haven't veered too far off the mark with this post. I just want you to feel better.


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I think the personality/image kills any chance of me finding her attractive.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

photoshopped or airbrushed pics like this account for 80% of the cutest girl thread..does this make you feel better OP? Hah


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Yeah ive seen that thread, it isn't quite the truest representation of "most attractive women". I think the guys posting it are just having fun and letting their immature side shine for a few minutes, or maybe they're being dead serious, not judging either way, but don't take that thread to heart.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

^ Padded underwear
Do we need any more before afters? Haha
I feel like posting these on the cutest girl thread just to prove a point.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> *I can't read this kind of thread without thinking about how women are taught to see themselves as sexy/unsexy rather than independently sexual, and how huge a gap there is between the ideas in that dichotomy. I feel like when we think about sex we're tacitly encouraged to try to picture ourselves from the outside in some kind of hypothetical approximation of the male gaze, and it's hard to do that without finding yourself lacking.* Even if you were making a positive judgement about your attractiveness it becomes problematic, because the focus becomes entirely based on someone else's desires rather than your own - you're moving your image of yourself from subject to object. The focus shouldn't be on what you look like but what you want. *It's wrong that someone's feelings about sex in relation to themselves should be expected to be inextricably tied up with ideas about their physical appearance. Even if someone isn't conventionally "sexy" in terms of their body shape, it's completely unconnected to whether they are sexual.* It's incredibly difficult not to slip into that line of thinking when it's so codified within society, but it's a hugely unhealthy aspect of the way our culture treats these things.


I couldn't agree more, and it's saddening.

Also, you know how there are some people who just oozes sexiness, even though they are nowhere near "conventionally attractive"? It's because _they don't give a ****_. They are comfortable in their own skin. They know what they want, and they are not afraid go after that. They wouldn't think "I'm not allowed to be attracted to that guy/girl because I'm he/she is out of my league". This is something you can't tell from a picture. This is a quality which is attractive to other people.


----------



## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> That thread is just ridiculous though- The *biggest idiots of SAS* constantly posting as many airbrushed/photoshopped pictures as possible, accompanied by inane and pathetic comments.
> 
> In real life people's standards aren't like that. And attraction is bound up with personality, personal preferences, shared ideas, and all sorts of other things. Only a few (very loud but very dull) people judge solely on appearance- the rest of us experience attraction in much more complicated ways.


:nw


----------



## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

coeur_brise said:


> I guess there is no definition of normal attraction, but I meant what society/biology deems attractive (big bottom, big boobs, tall, skinny). I dunno, since I lack both or all of these things, it's society's way of saying "um.. not super sexy, sorry."


That's how I feel. I see that thread and think, well.... this is what they find attractive and I'm not it. So I must not be attractive. Etc.

I avoid that thread like the plague.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

probably offline said:


> I couldn't agree more, and it's saddening.
> 
> Also, you know how there are some people who just oozes sexiness, even though they are nowhere near "conventionally attractive"? It's because _they don't give a ****_. They are comfortable in their own skin. They know what they want, and they are not afraid go after that. They wouldn't think "I'm not allowed to be attracted to that guy/girl because I'm he/she is out of my league". This is something you can't tell from a picture. This is a quality which is attractive to other people.


Y e e sss. That is so true.

I'm getting more and more convinced that 'leagues' don't really exist. People's preferences are too varied, and there's too many factors other than looks at play - for instance you might be less physically attractive than someone, but out of their league intellectually. I mean, I just have a hard time seeing how all that PUA stuff - and to me it is PUA stuff - has any application in real life situations.


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

missamanda said:


> That's how I feel. I see that thread and think, well.... this is what they find attractive and I'm not it. So I must not be attractive. Etc.
> 
> I avoid that thread like the plague.


Think of the kind of guy you want, would he be posting on that thread? I don't think too much stock should be placed on that thread.

Like I previously said I'm not judging those guys because my friends and I have fun being a little immature to, but when it comes down to it that thread would be much different if it was being used by the kind of guys that match your personal criteria.


----------



## Perception (Nov 25, 2013)

It sounds like you're unhappy with your life. I often think that my life is boring too. An idea I just had though, is that the whole notion of thinking that you're a boring person just says that you're bored. 

Do stuff that you really enjoy, get out and live life, and keep being positive and stuff usually falls into place. That's what sexiness is. Really..

Oh and btw, you can work on your butt and curves if you want. Not that you need to.


----------



## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

crimeclub said:


> Think of the kind of guy you want, would he be posting on that thread? I don't think too much stock should be placed on that thread.
> 
> Like I previously said I'm not judging those guys because my friends and I have fun being a little immature to, but when it comes down to it that thread would be much different if it was being used by the kind of guys that match your personal criteria.


Fair enough.


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

This thread has brought me back to a conversation I had earlier tonight with a guy at work. Hes not much to look at and he has a brown stain on one of his front teeth and quite a few spots on his face yet I found he had sex with a nice looking girl who is a few years older than him. Hes confident and somewhat loud, he even got a girls number at work before. Hes not that much to look at either yet I cant believe how he gets girls, I guess its the confidence. Of course finding out this made me feel **** as usual, I cant even get a girl to take me seriously when I act confident, it makes me want to shoot myself in the head. These are the realities of being retarded, that and my confidence issue is the reasons I'll never get laid, I give off no sex appeal so my chances are nil.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

crimeclub said:


> I think the personality/image kills any chance of me finding her attractive.


Ironically when I see her in interviews and stuff she seems like a pretty shy, and kind person, not at all like her stage presence (this is quite common too for performers.)


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Tinydancer20 said:


> ^ Padded underwear
> Do we need any more before afters? Haha
> I feel like posting these on the cutest girl thread just to prove a point.


Well, it looks like I don't need padded underwear after all, if the after pic looks my before pic. But yes, post more!



Perception said:


> It sounds like you're unhappy with your life. I often think that my life is boring too. An idea I just had though, is that the whole notion of thinking that you're a boring person just says that you're bored.
> 
> Do stuff that you really enjoy, get out and live life, and keep being positive and stuff usually falls into place. That's what sexiness is. Really..
> 
> Oh and btw, you can work on your butt and curves if you want. Not that you need to.


Like beating a dead horse, I'm gonna say, How do I work on my boobs if I have none?! Yeah, my butt does need work, and I am a bit unhappy, feeling out of the groove lately and just generally blah. It's affecting my appearance too, but in general just my attitudes about my body. I recently lost weight and felt a few curves diminishing, but also my attitude went from "curvy and sexy" to just.. average. That's part of why I ask this question.

Also feeling the need to impress the opposite sex.. A little too much. At the same time, it's not fun to experience unwanted attention just by putting yourself out there, feels ungenuine and fake.. Say, if you waved 100 dollar bills around you, of course people will like you. But then again, you could just be nice.  I dunno, my thoughts.


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Ironically when I see her in interviews and stuff she seems like a pretty shy, and kind person, not at all like her stage presence (this is quite common too for performers.)


Haha maybe I'm I'm just unfairly grouping her with performers like that Kesha chick.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm sure I have sex appeal, but I have to sue for it.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

check out the thread I just posted 
In general discussion. Photoshop 
and product enhancement before/ afters
It is astounding.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

coeur_brise said:


> Paper Samurai said:
> 
> 
> > You seem to be under the impression that in order to be in a relationship with a guy you have to be some kind of sex goddess :b
> ...


No.



coeur_brise said:


> If you take a look at the 'cutest girl' thread, the majority of them are unbelievably cute or are just oozing sex appeal in one way or another.


...And if you view the '_cutest guy/girl_' threads as '_the standard'_, then you're doing it wrong. That is all.



missamanda said:


> crimeclub said:
> 
> 
> > Think of the kind of guy you want, would he be posting on that thread? I don't think too much stock should be placed on that thread.
> ...





Top Post Counts in the 'Cutest Girl' Topic said:


> Elad 61
> monotonous 59
> RelinquishedHell 55
> MindOverMood 51
> ...


Uh oh, looks like _someone_ might be in the doghouse.

Also note the presence of four girls among the Top 10 posters - or, _five_ if you count *Elad *:b (granted, I think *SnowFlakesFire* was heavily trolling in there prior to being banned~)

Everyone has their physical likes and preferences in the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever). The 'cutest guy/girl' threads are just the extreme, not the standard. If they are triggers for you, then you should stay away from them.


----------



## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> Uh oh, looks like _someone_ might be in the doghouse..


Hey, leave me out of this!


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Just Lurking said:


> No.
> 
> ...And if you view the '_cutest guy/girl_' threads as '_the standard'_, then you're doing it wrong. That is all.
> Everyone has their physical likes and preferences in the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever). The 'cutest guy/girl' threads are just the extreme, not the standard. If they are triggers for you, then you should stay away from them.


How do I do it right? Just curious.


Rich91 said:


> This thread has brought me back to a conversation I had earlier tonight with a guy at work. Hes not much to look at and he has a brown stain on one of his front teeth and quite a few spots on his face yet I found he had sex with a nice looking girl who is a few years older than him. Hes confident and somewhat loud, he even got a girls number at work before. Hes not that much to look at either yet I cant believe how he gets girls, I guess its the confidence. Of course finding out this made me feel **** as usual, I cant even get a girl to take me seriously when I act confident, it makes me want to shoot myself in the head. These are the realities of being retarded, that and my confidence issue is the reasons I'll never get laid, I give off no sex appeal so my chances are nil.


Like another member here said, you'd be surprised how far you can get just by treating someone well and nicely, not just by confidence or looks alone. Also investing quality time in some one also influences their perception of you, including romantic I suppose, so there's that too.

I'd, I suppose all this springs up from the fact that I was rejected by a longtime "lover" shall we say. And despite looking ok, not feeling attractive enough
. Add to that constant pictures of girls whose prettiness compares exponentially to yours and at the same time, wanting to win over someone's heart, then you got yourself a hot mess.


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

coeur_brise said:


> How do I do it right? Just curious.
> 
> Like another member here said, you'd be surprised how far you can get just by treating someone well and nicely, not just by confidence or looks alone. Also investing quality time in some one also influences their perception of you, including romantic I suppose, so there's that too.
> 
> ...


Being nice gets you no where


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

coeur_brise said:


> How do I do it right? Just curious.


?



> Everyone has their physical likes and preferences in the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever). The 'cutest guy/girl' threads are just the extreme, not the standard. If they are triggers for you, then you should stay away from them.


~


----------



## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

What type of sex appeal are we talking about here? Almost any women has some form of sex appeal. On any giving day I would say its a lot easier for a female to snag a guy then it is for a guy to snag a female. All a women has to do is lower her standards, act ****y, etc. Sadly it doesn't work the same for a guy. Is this thread serious or just poking fun ?


----------



## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I can't read this kind of thread without thinking about how women are taught to see themselves as sexy/unsexy rather than independently sexual, and how huge a gap there is between the ideas in that dichotomy. I feel like when we think about sex we're tacitly encouraged to try to picture ourselves from the outside in some kind of hypothetical approximation of the male gaze, and it's hard to do that without finding yourself lacking. Even if you were making a positive judgement about your attractiveness it becomes problematic, because the focus becomes entirely based on someone else's desires rather than your own - you're moving your image of yourself from subject to object. The focus shouldn't be on what you look like but what you want. It's wrong that someone's feelings about sex in relation to themselves should be expected to be inextricably tied up with ideas about their physical appearance. Even if someone isn't conventionally "sexy" in terms of their body shape, it's completely unconnected to whether they are sexual. It's incredibly difficult not to slip into that line of thinking when it's so codified within society, but it's a hugely unhealthy aspect of the way our culture treats these things.
> 
> Abstract principles aside, though, and on a more practical/anecdotal note - people genuinely do see each other in a different light from the way we see ourselves. The things we most dislike about ourselves can be the things that other people find the most attractive about us, and it's not to do with fetishism, or even just the idea that other people are less critical about your body than you are. It's because they genuinely, sincerely like those things. I have a really hard time viewing myself as being in any way womanly or feminine because I'm small and don't have any kind of curves, but the few men who I've been naked with have never said anything but very nice things to me - they clearly haven't seen me in the way I would describe myself. Some of the things I've been given unprompted compliments on are the things I see as my biggest flaws. And it's been the same way with what I've said to other people - I've been completely surprised by the things they haven't liked about themselves. Like, regardless of whatever, your body is totally acceptable the way it is and you have nothing to be ashamed about. Even if your body isn't the one you'd choose if you could, it's your own, and that's the important thing. Even if it's just casual sex and you have no romantic feelings for that person, they're not just having sex with your body, they're having sex with you. You're an active participant as much as they are. You're personalised. And, I don't know, when I started thinking about it that way it became very easy to feel comfortable.
> 
> ...


<3

Lisbeth, I haven't read many books on the subject (though I'd like to, I'm just too lazy) but I was reading one, The Beauty Myth, and it was very good (I shamefully only got halfway through before I got distracted by other books, I've read like 8 since then and keep meaning to finish The Beauty Myth but haven't). It goes with what you're saying, how women are looked at as objects with a checklist they need to complete before being considered good enough, even in the professional world (as the book says, it's become so acceptable _because_ of women entering the business world).

And off topic again, but it still relates to this thread (how women are fed this idea that we "need" to be something), this video came out and I love it.






I was even watching John Mayers' video for "Daughters" and it made me feel bad seeing Gemma Ward in the video, where her purpose is to sit there and look pretty on camera. The song is about this girl that he cares so much for but has been damaged, and what does she do? Sit there and look pretty. Which makes me feel like, in order to be cared for and loved, I need to be able to sit there and look pretty. It was in my unconscious for so long, and now that I recognize it and see those triggers for what they are, they are EVERYWHERE. And it's why I'm in a consistently sad mood, because no matter where I look, I am comparing myself to another woman---a woman that may be airbrushed, photoshopped, or had access to much more plastic surgery than I could ever afford---and I LOSE. The OP is just another female victim of it. We are debased, IMO. I don't care if it's an overreaction, I often feel debased by advertisements or celebrities or seeing what it is a woman needs to succeed or to be considered "worth" something.
Women are valued for their looks, or are at least told we're valued for our looks. And in order to achieve all you want in life, you need to, above all, be pretty. If you're not pretty, then what have you really achieved? Just look at that video. 75 years (I believe it said) and we just got a female newscaster for the News Hour. But we can see women everywhere in ads, showing off their perfect bodies in bikinis despite "eating" massive cheeseburgers. I want to be that girl, but I never will be. And yet EVERYWHERE I LOOK, there is _that_ ****ing girl. I have a constant reminder of what I will never in my life be.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I guess I fall into this category. I'm flat all over, goofy, and mega awkward. No one in their right mind would consider me "sexy." But whatever, that's not something I actually care about.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Barette said:


> <3
> 
> Lisbeth, I haven't read many books on the subject (though I'd like to, I'm just too lazy) but I was reading one, The Beauty Myth, and it was very good (I shamefully only got halfway through before I got distracted by other books, I've read like 8 since then and keep meaning to finish The Beauty Myth but haven't). It goes with what you're saying, how women are looked at as objects with a checklist they need to complete before being considered good enough, even in the professional world (as the book says, it's become so acceptable _because_ of women entering the business world).
> 
> ...


Yeah, in almost every movie the actresses are super hot. That's part of the reason why I don't watch movies. I don't need to see that crap. TV shows about cats and documentaries are much better.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Ummm, I don't have a problem looking at attractive actresses. :stuI didn't know people were bothered by it so much they don't watch movies?


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, in almost every movie the actresses are super hot. That's part of the reason why I don't watch movies. I don't need to see that crap. TV shows about cats and documentaries are much better.


I'm not bothered by attractive actresses or supermodels - i'm a lot more bothered by attractive women I see in everyday life who aren't famous, like the ones on SAS who post their pictures and get 123987523948572985 compliments. It makes me feel a lot worse about myself, because they are good-looking without photoshop or a lot of makeup. I would have to get tons of plastic surgery to look that good.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

tbyrfan said:


> I'm not bothered by attractive actresses or supermodels - i'm a lot more bothered by attractive women I see in everyday life who aren't famous, like the ones on SAS who post their pictures and get 123987523948572985 compliments. It makes me feel a lot worse about myself, because they are good-looking without photoshop or a lot of makeup. I would have to get tons of plastic surgery to look that good.


But how come you look at that thread? Better to just avoid.

I don't really like movies very much in the first place, so that part just cinches it. I start thinking of how those actresses were chosen and by who.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

meganmila said:


> Ummm, I don't have a problem looking at attractive actresses. :stuI didn't know people were bothered by it so much they don't watch movies?


Hmm put it this way.. if you had a bf who said an actress was perfect lookin but he never said it about you then how would you feel


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Freiheit said:


> I guess I fall into this category. I'm flat all over, goofy, and mega awkward. No one in their right mind would consider me "sexy." But whatever, that's not something I actually care about.


That's a good thing to consider, does everyone actually _need_ the person they're with to be "sexy"? I haven't dated too many girls that would be considered sexy and I've never been close to sexy, yet there's always been a very strong attraction to each other, I've just always been attracted to girls that are a little more reserved and conservative (not politically). It's just all up to preference, which is the answer to literally every question in this forum I'm noticing, it all personal preference. The thought that all guys want a "sexy babe" is completely false.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Even in movies the actresses spend like 3 hrs in hair and makeup and then there is the good lighting thing so i don't feel bad. I just feel bad if a guy I like somehow implies that some actress is better looking than me which annoys the **** out of me because how can I compete with professional hair and makeup and a stylist. Not like I have an endless amount of money to spend on expensive makeup and hair extensions and nice clothes


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Tinydancer20 said:


> Hmm put it this way.. if you had a bf who said an actress was perfect lookin but he never said it about you then how would you feel


It wouldn't bother me if a boyfriend said an actress was hot. Cause it's just a celeb. I dunno, I just can't relate being so bothered by attractive women. I mean there are always gonna be people that are more attractive then you out there and that gets more attention. It's just life.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

komorikun said:


> But how come you look at that thread? Better to just avoid.
> 
> I don't really like movies very much in the first place, so that part just cinches it. I start thinking of how those actresses were chosen and by who.


It's hard not to look when I'm in a bad mood. I just think of how much more at peace I would feel with myself if I looked like them.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I think it's best to avoid a thread that makes you feel worse.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I think it's best to avoid a thread that makes you feel worse.


No kidding, i'm not stupid. I can't help it when I'm feeling bad.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

meganmila said:


> It wouldn't bother me if a boyfriend said an actress was hot. Cause it's just a celeb. I dunno, I just can't relate being so bothered by attractive women. I mean there are always gonna be people that are more attractive then you out there and that gets more attention. It's just life.


Idk I guess I just don't get how that wouldn't bother someone. Whenever a guy I like calls someone hot I'm always thinking in the back of my head does he think I'm not even hot in comparison .. stuff like that. I think it's best to just keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself anyway. I don't even think I've ever said "wow that guy is so hot" to a bf. just seems pointless, wish THEY wouldn't do it to me.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I didn't say you were stupid. But if you wanna go ahead and do it then go ahead, I just think it's bad idea all around. I never really look in there.

I get why girls would think that Tinydancer. I didn't want to sound harsh or something. But yeah if a guy never really pays attention to me and compliments me and always compliments other women then yes, it would bother me.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Tinydancer20 said:


> Hmm put it this way.. if you had a bf who said an actress was perfect lookin but he never said it about you then how would you feel


Well, that may be deserving of a punch in the mouth... or a very stern glare, if you're not into the whole domestic violence thing~



Tinydancer20 said:


> Even in movies the actresses spend like 3 hrs in hair and makeup and then there is the good lighting thing so i don't feel bad. I just feel bad if a guy I like somehow implies that some actress is better looking than me which annoys the **** out of me because how can I compete with professional hair and makeup and a stylist. Not like I have an endless amount of money to spend on expensive makeup and hair extensions and nice clothes


Any guy with half a brain should know what lengths it takes to look all professionally made up, etc., and that it's not a natural look.

All you have to do is look at candid shots of those people to see what they actually look like, and, really... for a lot of them, they're just very average and don't look any different from everyone else.

To me, for the whole '_celebrity or random-girl-off-the-street-or-internet_' thing... They're nice to look at... like admiring the scenery, almost like a work of art (which is totally objectifying, blah blah blah - hey, we all do it - I'm sure males do it more than females, but let's leave it at that). That's as far as it goes, though, because there's no chance of developing an emotional connection with them.

As for comparing them to girlfriends? *There* *is no comparison.* The random celebrity and the random made-up girl just don't even compare to the kind of connection that comes with a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. That connection isn't going to be jeopardized by some innocent admiration of someone else's [often made-up] physical appearance. It doesn't mean he looks at you in a lesser light.

If a guy is a match for you and your connection is strong like that, then you shouldn't feel the need to 'compete' with other girls for his attention. If you're *really* feeling that way, then either he's neglecting you and the two of you need to have a talk, or it's a matter of personal insecurity issues (something you'd have to deal with yourself, because no guy is going to be able to treat or cure that).


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

most of the time I think the guy is truly neglecting the girl tho. I don't think it is just an insecurity. For whatever reason, maybe he is attracted to her but doesn't feel that connected to her so he has that wandering eye thing. 

Honestly not many couples are IN LOVE, many are just "in like" so maybe if two people were truly in love they'd focus on each other more and not even care about other people's looks.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I find mathematics sexy. Unfortunately, I no longer flourish in this adventure. Language can be sexy. Many women have blown me away with their minds. There is more to sexiness than looks and appearance. Hell, all many women, and some men, have to do is be themselves without hinderance and I succumb to their sexiness. Curves and other physicalities are secondary to the true image that is shaped by aesthetics of the human complex.


----------



## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

estse said:


> I find mathematics sexy. Unfortunately, I no longer flourish in this adventure. Language can be sexy. Many women have blown me away with their minds. There is more to sexiness than looks and appearance. Hell, all many women, and some men, have to do is be themselves without hinderance and I succumb to their sexiness. Curves and other physicalities are secondary to the true image that is shaped by aesthetics of the human complex.


Wat?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Men experience the same thing, to some degree. It is much more extreme for women, but men also have to look like that guy who just died (Paul Walker.)










I don't mean to disrespect the dead, but many of the girls (and they have ALL been girls) who have been posting about him on my Facebook feed, have all said this:



> It's so sad, he was so hot!





> I'll never marry him now!





> What a gorgeous man, now gone


Would anybody care about him, if he were ugly? He wasn't Johnny Depp, who is a phenomenal actor...he was apparently a mediocre actor, who just happened to be hot. Much like those guys from Twilight.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Tinydancer20 said:


> Wat?


Don't curse. Most people know how to talk. On a side note, I'm not feeling well.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

This is also why if I were to watch a porno with a boyfriend, I would choose the video. I wouldn't let him choose.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> This is also why if I were to watch a porno with a boyfriend, I would choose the video. I wouldn't let him choose.


That is sexist. How do you know that he wouldn't choose something that was good?


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> That is sexist. How do you know that he wouldn't choose something that was good?


Not sexist. It's selfish but whatever. Anyways most guys I've dated didn't have hangups about their body. That's why they are able to walk around in the nude with the lights on.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> Not sexist. It's selfish but whatever. Anyways most guys I've dated didn't have hangups about their body. That's why they are able to walk around in the nude with the lights on.


Most guys weren't bullied by women for the way they looked.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Would anybody care about him, if he were ugly? He wasn't Johnny Depp, who is a phenomenal actor...he was apparently a mediocre actor, who just happened to be hot.


Exactly. People often turn a blind eye to this and pretend that looks don't matter (more often attractive people, who don't want to admit that they actually have a huge advantage in life).


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Most guys weren't bullied by women for the way they looked.


No one bullied me for how I look either but I still won't walk around in the buff with the lights on.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

tbyrfan said:


> Exactly. People often turn a blind eye to this and pretend that looks don't matter (more often attractive people, who don't want to admit that they actually have a huge advantage in life).


Good looking people generally get hired for more jobs, get better careers, get married sooner (or if at all), etc.

If good looking people didn't have an advantage, do you think people would have been surprised at Susan Boyle's talent? Or any of the other Susan Boyle's that have been on those shows recently?

Being good looking is something that gets your foot in the door. If you don't kick it in through talent, or good hard work, you can easily nudge it open by being sexually appealing.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

komorikun said:


> This is also why if I were to watch a porno with a boyfriend, I would choose the video. I wouldn't let him choose.


And this is why you have relationship troubles, *komorikun*. No one's interested in those old Britney Spears music videos that you keep pushing on people and harping on about.

They're not even real porn! :b


----------



## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Good looking people generally get hired for more jobs, get better careers, get married sooner (or if at all), etc.
> 
> If good looking people didn't have an advantage, do you think people would have been surprised at Susan Boyle's talent? Or any of the other Susan Boyle's that have been on those shows recently?
> 
> Being good looking is something that gets your foot in the door. If you don't kick it in through talent, or good hard work, you can easily nudge it open by being sexually appealing.


I have to agree with you. I don't take away or discredit the people that have good looks that have problems, everyone has problems and they don't deserve to be discriminated against for having good looks.. But having them in the first place just seems to me at least to be an advantage. And yes there might be some cons to being attractive, but the pros just seem to far out weigh them.

Just my subjective opinion, I won't claim it as universal fact.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Just Lurking said:


> And this is why you have relationship troubles, *komorikun*. No one's interested in those old Britney Spears music videos that you keep pushing on people and harping on about.
> 
> They're not even real porn! :b


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

h00dz said:


> I have to agree with you. I don't take away or discredit the people that have good looks that have problems, everyone has problems and they don't deserve to be discriminated against for having good looks.. But having them in the first place just seems to me at least to be an advantage. And yes there might be some cons to being attractive, but the pros just seem to far out weigh them.
> 
> Just my subjective opinion, I won't claim it as universal fact.


I also think some people here hate on good looking people, when they can't help what they look like. Wouldn't that be the same thing as good looking people hating on ugly people? Why can't we not hate anyone just cause of their looks?

I'll probably get s*it for this lol


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

meganmila said:


> I also think some people here hate on good looking people, when they can't help what they look like. Wouldn't that be the same thing as good looking people hating on ugly people? Why can't we not hate anyone just cause of their looks?
> 
> I'll probably get s*it for this lol


I'm not hating on good looking people. I'm just saying it's easier for them.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I also think some people here hate on good looking people, when they can't help what they look like. Wouldn't that be the same thing as good looking people hating on ugly people? Why can't we not hate anyone just cause of their looks?
> 
> I'll probably get s*it for this lol


I'm going to assume this is indirectly attacking me so...

I don't hate on people for being good-looking, I just get frustrated when the people who have no sympathy for unattractive people/people with BDD are often attractive, and they tell us to just suck it up when they haven't gone through half the **** people like me have just because of the way we look. I never said all attractive people are horrible. It doesn't even have to do with looks, it's applicable to any problem - the people who show the least amount of understanding and are inconsiderate are often the people who never had to go through that problem.

Although anything I say gets passed over anyway so i'm just rambling at this point blahblahblah


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm not attacking you geez. I was just making a general statement. It seems just some people have resentment for attractive people. . Like what Kom said earlier about not liking movies cause the "hot" actresses and some other things, that just baffles me and don't relate or understand. Or some don't like seeing "attractive" normal people every day cause they get so insecure with themselves or want to push them off the street. I dunno, I don't think people should really feel like that, I get people are insecure, hell I have been insecure. But like I said there will always be people more attractive then you and s*it like that. I think you just have to accept that and deal with it. Somebody out there will like the way you look. Everybody has different tastes. What someone considers ugly might be beautiful to someone else, and what someone considers beautiful might be ugly to someone else. And for me I have never said just suck it up or get over it, I hate those sayings anyways.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> And for me I have never said just suck it up or get over it, I hate those sayings anyways.


LOL, you basically just did:



meganmila said:


> I think you just have to accept that and deal with it.


:no No point in asking for support here. Hopefully I can afford a lot of plastic surgery one day so I can "deal with it." :roll


----------



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Not sexist. It's selfish but whatever. Anyways most guys I've dated didn't have hangups about their body. That's why they are able to walk around in the nude with the lights on.


Maybe you've only dated guys with good bodies? I don't know, this idea that men have no hangups and don't feel insecure about their looks. We also face pressure to look good, granted it may not be as extreme it is for women, but it's still very significant. I guess it's just not a "manly" thing to be insecure about your looks.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> LOL, you basically just did:
> 
> :no No point in asking for support here. Hopefully I can afford a lot of plastic surgery one day so I can "deal with it." :roll


If you wanna think that go ahead. You always said you wanna accept the way you look. I thought you said you don't want support here either.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> If you wanna think that go ahead. You always said you wanna accept the way you look. I thought you said you don't want support here either.


Well I can't if nobody tells me how. It looks like surgery might be my only option. And yeah there's no point asking people here for support unless you're pretty so whatever.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I also think you're taking what I'm saying the wrong way. I was just pointing out there will always be someone hotter then you, smarter, funnier. And I was saying to accept that fact. I have and I just deal with it and just try to be me and somebody will like it. I didn't know saying that meant "get over it" Hell what do I know.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

tbyrfan said:


> meganmila said:
> 
> 
> > If you wanna think that go ahead. You always said you wanna accept the way you look. I thought you said you don't want support here either.
> ...


I'm not aware of any methods other than Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and just judging by the comments you make on here, I'm guessing these thoughts are _very_ deep rooted within you, so it would probably take some long-term, hardcore, quality CBT-based therapy to even have a shot at overcoming it or dealing with it. Plus you'd have to go into it with a totally open mind, keep up the motivation to stick with it, put in a huge amount of time, effort, and commitment while trying to balance other facets of your life...

Much easier said than done, and even then, it's not guaranteed to work (I know how it goes -- this is the 'therapy' direction I keep getting pointed in to deal with my anxiety and avoidance issues).

I'm not sure how much I even believe in CBT (some people swear by it), but what else is there?

That's the "how", though... No one here is ever going to be able to say much beyond that. All we can really do here is offer peer support.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I really don't want to talk about this anymore, it's making me upset. Thanks.


----------



## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> Well I can't if nobody tells me how. It looks like surgery might be my only option. And yeah there's no point asking people here for support unless you're pretty so whatever.


Judging by your avatar you do look a bit like a dog.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

nothing else said:


> Judging by your avatar you do look a bit like a dog.


LOL, I would be totally okay with being fluffy and cute like that. :yes


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Just Lurking said:


> I'm not aware of any methods other than Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and just judging by the comments you make on here, I'm guessing these thoughts are _very_ deep rooted within you, so it would probably take some long-term, hardcore, quality CBT-based therapy to even have a shot at overcoming it or dealing with it. Plus you'd have to go into it with a totally open mind, keep up the motivation to stick with it, put in a huge amount of time, effort, and commitment while trying to balance other facets of your life...
> 
> Much easier said than done, and even then, it's not guaranteed to work (I know how it goes -- this is the 'therapy' direction I keep getting pointed in to deal with my anxiety and avoidance issues).
> 
> ...


Yeah, I don't know if anyone knows how to do the how to accept part. I dunno if you can find that around here.


----------



## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

At a certain point, nobody can tell you how to achieve happiness or self-acceptance. That's extremely individual. It starts within.

Sounds cheesy, but it's true. I can write pages of how I've been dealing with BDD, but it would be difficult to relate it for somebody else because it's _my_ mental issues. I can only say what's worked for me, and hope it could possibly work for somebody else in some way. Someone else may have BDD, but not find anything I say helpful. Or if they tried to mimic it, they might fail. It's trial and error, in finding how to deal with who you are and what you look like. People try, tbyrfan, and you kind of get snippy. Which I get when you feel bad, but it's why people might get snippy back. They don't know what others have said, if the advice is repetitive. They can't know if it'll help, but they're genuinely trying. How can someone know how to make a difference in you, when your mind is your own? When nobody else can really know its workings? So we try, and maybe we fail, but you're being kind of rude about that.

Nobody can give be guaranteed to give great advice because nobody really can know what'll help. We can just try and give directions and hope it leads you down the right way. I can't give directions to somebody if I don't know where the destination is, or am unfamiliar with the roads. Only you can really do that, with some guidance from others possibly.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Barette said:


> At a certain point, nobody can tell you how to achieve happiness or self-acceptance. That's extremely individual. It starts within.
> 
> Sounds cheesy, but it's true. I can write pages of how I've been dealing with BDD, but it would be difficult to relate it for somebody else because it's _my_ mental issues. I can only say what's worked for me, and hope it could possibly work for somebody else in some way. Someone else may have BDD, but not find anything I say helpful. Or if they tried to mimic it, they might fail. It's trial and error, in finding how to deal with who you are and what you look like.* People try, tbyrfan, and you kind of get snippy. Which I get when you feel bad, but it's why people might get snippy back. They don't know what others have said, if the advice is repetitive. They can't know if it'll help, but they're genuinely trying. How can someone know how to make a difference in you, when your mind is your own? When nobody else can really know its workings? So we try, and maybe we fail, but you're being kind of rude about that. *
> 
> Nobody can give be guaranteed to give great advice because nobody really can know what'll help. We can just try and give directions and hope it leads you down the right way. I can't give directions to somebody if I don't know where the destination is, or am unfamiliar with the roads. Only you can really do that, with some guidance from others possibly.


I agree with that. Or you act like you don't want to hear it so it's very difficult for people to say anything. I also get the feeling you don't even appreciate the advice or support so why should people even try


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I already said I don't want to talk about this anymore. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Sigh....see you don't want to hear it as usual. People just giving you some advice you go ballistic.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Sigh....see you don't want to hear it as usual. People just giving you some advice you go ballistic.


For the THIRD time, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Stop harassing me.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

How the **** are we or I even harassing you. Jesus woman. 


I give up ...anyways back to the thread topic.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

meganmila said:


> How the **** are we or I even harassing you. Jesus woman.


By continuing to mention it even though I said multiple times that I didn't want to talk about it. Just don't respond anymore if you're not going to help.


----------

