# I didn't like my therapist :(



## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

First off I want to preface by saying that I actually _do like _most people and can even eventually kinda relax around them. However, I met my first therapist today and I didn't like her. : / I wanted to like her...but... idk. I need advice before I start obsessing over this and feeling ridiculously bad.

The whole experience was pretty stressful (which is to be expected overall, right). However, she's not an exactly warm, friendly, compassionate, understanding, or even coming across as caring person. This bothered me. I'd be talking about things that upset me and it didn't feel like she really cared. The feedback there was minimal. I was aware she was supposed to be 'direct' but I didn't know it would be in a cold way. O_O Even at the end when I went to walk out, she didn't even reach to shake my hand, I had to do that. She did admit at one point that she was very direct about getting on to people and would have to dial the back with me because I am so sensitive.

I left feeling maybe even worse than I had before. Relieved it was over, but unsettled by the obvious that I didn't really like her. Even more anxious than before. She's not someone I would ever *want* to talk to, even before SA.

Is this the norm? Is this to be expected? Is this what helps us SA people the most? This kind of completely detached almost scientist studying the ape approach? Or is this just a personality conflict? Something I need to just get over? Or should I find someone else? ><

My parents seem to think, 'who cares if you like her or not, I wouldn't care. As long as she can help you.' Which makes me feel even more foolish.


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## Ltsax (May 28, 2012)

If you don't like her, find a new therapist. For instance, it is similar to finding a doctor. All doctors can pretty much give you similar care, but your comfort level should determine whether or not you go back to them or find a new one. I have been two 2 therapy sessions with my therapist and I really like him (not so much what we are talking about, but I like him as a person lol). I think it is even more important for someone suffering with SA to find someone who they enjoy talking to.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

Thanks. That's what I believe. This: "I really like him (not so much what we are talking about, but I like him as a person lol)" is what I was expecting and wanting. My parents don't seem to get that social anxiety doesn't cloud our awareness of personalities. >< I agree though that it's important for us to want to talk about our issues with that person. I don't. Not because of the 'issues' but because of her. Maybe ultimately she could help me, but the process will likely be longer and even less enjoyable.

I've experienced enough _coldness_ from others, in regards to my SA, that don't really think that I don't need that in a therapist. For once I'd like someone who has more compassion about it. She's like talking to a schoolmaster.


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## restinfish (Sep 8, 2012)

i'd suggest you to go to some more sessions
i don't feel comfortable around cold distant people because i'm sensitive and always expect people to be as warm and friendly towards me as i am with them
but maybe she is a really good therapist! she may be a genius who will help you get through your social anxiety and might become one of the most important people for you, even if you don't feel like you are "friends". i think it's mostly an insecurity you're experiencing, i have tried 3 differents therapists before i found my "ideal" one, so you can always change. 
just try to be open to different therapy approaches, you might just like her


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## timothy (Nov 25, 2010)

Had a similar experience with a so-called therapist,saw her a couple times but didn't really feel i could relate to her or she knew anything about where i was coming from.After a few visits i finally opened up and told her about my life and thoughts about the future and and her response was god thats depressing. Needless to say i didn't go back.


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## CynicalDreamer (Sep 19, 2012)

I had a therapist that wrote nothing down in the short time I've visited him. Every session was the rehash of the first, I got rid of him after the third visit didn't differ.

You may have to go through several therapists before you find the one.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Tell her to get lost! Or if you don't feel like that just get a different one. It's really important to feel comfortable with a therapist and also to feel confident that they can help you. I read something recently that said that a huge part of "recovery", for want of a better word, is due to us actually believing that the therapy with a particular person will be effective. I think it accounted for up to half of the beneficial effects of actually going to them in the first place. Needless to say, if you don't feel comfortable with someone, or don't like them, having any respect for what they say will be a bit tricky.

I've had this problem with a shrink I had once here in Melbourne - he was apparently some hot shot connected to the biggest University here - big deal! he was also cold, aloof, and had very few social skills. After a while I got really sick of his attitude, plus he sent me a bill for about a thousand dollars over and above the other costs - I told him he was useless and that I wasn't going to pay him - he actually didn't seem all that surprised - it was probably something other people had probably commented on too.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

don36 said:


> I read something recently that said that a huge part of "recovery", for want of a better word, is due to us actually believing that the therapy with a particular person will be effective. I think it accounted for up to half of the beneficial effects of actually going to them in the first place. Needless to say, if you don't feel comfortable with someone, or don't like them, having any respect for what they say will be a bit tricky.


That makes sense and was a concern of mine as well. When I don't like someone, I usually don't want to listen to them. >>

Thanks for the replies you guys, it helped to put things more in perspective. I have since sent an email cancelling the future appointments and have found an actual psychologist rather than just a social worker (though she had her BA and a few certifications). He has 25 years experience in dealing with social anxiety cases and this is his _primary_ focus. I'm feeling more hopeful now that I'm in competent hands as I know he's also an advocate of CBT. He's slightly more expensive but I'm hoping it's worth it.


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## UKPhobe (Oct 22, 2008)

Good rapport with a therapist is absolutely critical in my experience. If you haven't got good rapport you won't be so quick to open up and will be sold short by the experience.


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