# First time I kissed somebody on the first date



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

So a met a girl on Tinder. It was extremely hard to get matches despite me thinking I look reasonably good in my pictures, probably because I look "Asian", but hey, you gotta live with the cards you're dealt. It took a gargantuan amount of effort to arrange a date with her, but she finally agreed to meet up.

In all my previous dates, I was too chicken to kiss on the first date and always ended it with a hug. This time I stared her in the face and kissed her. She turned to the side so that I would only get a cheek kiss but still! It was a kiss.

I'm still really fearful about touching and showing sexual attraction during my actual date but I think I made a small step of progress here.


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

Congrats mate!

I would never go for a full on kiss on the first date, for fear of coming on too strong. A kiss on the cheek is pretty standard for a first date, so I wouldn't read too much into her turning to the side. If it all goes well on the second date, a prolonged peck on the lips is probably a good next step. And if and when you do that, if she doesn't pull away, and you can sense her wanting a more passionate kiss, then go with it.


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## Asmodeus (Apr 11, 2012)

Well congratulations on a step forward, and thanks for sharing your experience.


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## BeautifulSilence (Nov 18, 2014)

aww congrats!! It takes guts to go in for a kiss on a first date!


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

Wow. Look how quickly you're making progress!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I don't understand the need to want to kiss someone on the first date. :stu


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

millenniumman75 said:


> I don't understand the need to want to kiss someone on the first date. :stu


It doesn't need to happen but I was challenging myself.

Nothing in dating as a man is natural to me, therefore waiting isn't going to change anything.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Buckyx said:


> what do you want to do on a first date? talk and go home? theres no need to date for that


A lot of people don't kiss on the first date - it's introductory. Many think it is too forward to go that far on a first meeting.


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## theinsomniac (Jan 17, 2015)

congrats! 

but on a side note..what's wrong with looking asian? lol we have some asian users on SAS so your comment there might come off as a bit racist or offensive. Might wanna be careful about that.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Goddamnit, I called today to tell her I had a good time and was wondering if she wanted to hang out and she said she is having a busy weekend and would call me back. In my opinion this is a standard technique of letting a guy down easy. Oh well. Deleting her number. There's another woman I like better anyway.



theinsomniac said:


> congrats!
> 
> but on a side note..what's wrong with looking asian?


Anything not White is bad, not because White people are better, but because White is seen as neutral and everything else is "exotic". I feel like most White guys get a few Tinder matches a day. I've only had 3 matches out of over 100 I've right-swiped. Many studies have shown that over half of White women would strongly prefer to date someone of the same race as them. Most minorities don't care what race they date, except for when their parents are making them date the same race.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

Challenging yourself is really great, but if you want to keep them around, bear in mind what might spook them.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

It's a gamble, but if you read the situation right, the vibe, the body language, their facial expressions, it's likely they want you to.

When you take a chance socially and it works out, that replaces some of the irrational fear with evidence. The negative voices in your mind telling you "no stop don't she'll never like you, you're ugly, you're worthless, you're defective, ou'll just embarrass yourself" can't hold as much sway in the face of reality.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

mjkittredge said:


> It's a gamble, but if you read the situation right, the vibe, the body language, their facial expressions, it's likely they want you to.
> 
> When you take a chance socially and it works out, that replaces some of the irrational fear with evidence. The negative voices in your mind telling you "no stop don't she'll never like you, you're ugly, you're worthless, you're defective, ou'll just embarrass yourself" can't hold as much sway in the face of reality.


This is true. Some girls may want it if they're into the guy, but given she turned away I'm guessing those signals weren't happening. There are no rules, just an ability to read the situation which comes with experience. On a first date it's often best to err on the side of caution, generally speaking. Let them get to know you a little better.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

seafolly said:


> This is true. Some girls may want it if they're into the guy, but given she turned away I'm guessing those signals weren't happening. There are no rules, just an ability to read the situation which comes with experience. On a first date it's often best to err on the side of caution, generally speaking. Let them get to know you a little better.


A girl can want it but just be shy/nervous/coy and sort of pull away and then kick themselves for not going for it.

A first date I had this past year went so perfectly I knew a kiss was 100%. We looked into each others eyes and we both felt the intensity.

I generally do err on the side of caution, yet that can screw things up too, if you're having a special moment and don't go for the other person can take it as a sign you're just not that into them and give up on you.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

If they give up that easily I'd say they're either foolish or weren't that keen in the first place! But bear in mind I am talking the first date on Tinder when you've never met them before. A first date between acquaintances starts on a different page.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

hot guy get *****s


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## theinsomniac (Jan 17, 2015)

Buckyx said:


> because if someone here is asian it makes it racist. rofl


No dude. He's saying there's something wrong with looking asian which can definitely come off offensive/racist towards asian users. Well its offensive either way.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

It looks like some people here don't understand the difference between making a racism comment and making a racist comment.


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

All my first kisses was done 5-20mins within our so called first date…I don't even know if its truly a first date actually. I mean I do online dating so by time we meet we know a good bit about one another.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

It's funny how guys seem to have these timelines in their minds. Like...Date #2 : kiss girl Date #3 : declare feelings or dump her.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

seafolly said:


> It's funny how guys seem to have these timelines in their minds. Like...Date #2 : kiss girl Date #3 : declare feelings or dump her.


Don't be so quick to generalize to all men. The reason I have timelines is that none of this comes naturally to me. If I "be myself", nothing happens, and the woman concludes that I'm not sexually interested in her because no magic chemistry happened leading to a kiss.

On the flip side, I think many women have the idea that everything in a relationship is a natural progression and growth of emotional connectedness, when the truth is we're all performing to some extent.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

It's true I have a small sample size, but in the ~20 first dates I've been on, guys seem to feel pressured to either do something or decide something by a certain time which is something they've relayed to me.

I can relate to your notion that women think it's a natural progression. It drives me a little bonkers when the inevitable date #3 comes around and they kind of freak out feeling like they need to know how they feel about me or "us." The guy I'm currently seeing went silent after #3 and when I called him on it, he said he felt that was the time to decide "in or out." That said he was trained into it from previous girls who wanted him to meet their parents after date #2 (so girls do this too).

We are definitely all performing to an extent. It's like a really awful job interview.


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