# Moved in with my girlfriend



## orwen2000 (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi,
I haven't posted anything on this site for a long while, and actually I haven't been reading this board for a long time. But today I decided post my story here because it could encourage other people.
Ok, so today I finally moved in with my girlfriend.
This is a major step. A year and a month ago I was still living in my parents' place and I was sure I'll never leave it because leaving seemed very scary. A year ago I was still afraid of touching a girl, anything more than a quick handshake, and it goes without saying that I never had a real girlfriend. Two years ago I was afraid of driving on my own.
Today I've left an apartment I've been renting for the last year, and I've moved in with my girlfriend, in a different city no less. I'm driving on my own without any difficulty. And I've actually been spending more and more time with her here for the last 5-6 months. And did I mention we love each other very much?  


That is not to say I'm cured. I still have SA. I still have a problem buying things in shops I've never been to, I'm still having trouble with authority figures, and with people I haven't met before. I still have some problems with calling people on the phone. Job interviews make me have anxiety attacks, etc. But I'm able to cope with these things more easily. 

The main reason I'm writing this here is that me & my girlfriend met through an SA board. Her SA is lighter than mine, and she has been very very supportive of me and tried to undrstand all my difficulties. She has also been very patient. From the moment we first met till today it's been 2 years, and it took me more than a year before I could even get over the anxiety and touch her (now I have no problems in that area ). For a very long time we talked only through IM, every day for a couple of hours, and saw each other only briefly. It took me ages to shed my inhibitions and mistrust and anxiety, but I finally did it. I was also able to finally leave my parents' place and rent an apartment because she encouraged me. Well, she claims I would have done it anyway... 

There were many stations along the way, but basically it all started with this board. Because I read about SAS members meetings I finally decided to go to a forum meeting of that other SA board I was writing in. And that's where I met her. 

So, to everyone who feels as I did until 1-2 years ago, resigning yourself to living life alone in their parents' home because the alternative is too scary, I say this, keep reading this and other boards, keep writing, don't be afraid to go to board meetings if there are any in your area, and don't give up on the meetings even if you don't like the people. Even if you don't get to know anyone special, it'll be a good exercise, and it's always good to meet people who know how you feel. 
And do this, and everything else, gradually. Don't jump in and do something you don't feel ready to do. And if you find something who you click with, don't give up even if you feel very anxious about it. 
This may not be the greatest SA advice in the world, but it worked for me.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I am glad you are doing well, Orwen2000. :boogie :boogie :boogie

I am also finding that many of my fears have been unfounded as well. 2007 has been quite an upheaval in my life so far and it's only March 3. This year is going to be a big year of change for me as well. You will not be alone in this regard. 

Congratulations!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Wow, thats awesome. Gives me some hope. And thats great advice.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Way to go!!  I have yet to move out of my parents house.


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## RedBlueFish (Nov 11, 2003)

I had no problem moving out of my parents' house , in fact I think they made my SA worse because my mother was always hovering over me wanting to know every move I made. Not so much from being extremely controlling, more like her being extremely needy and insecure if she has to spend too much time alone. I've gotten so used to living alone though that I don't know how I'd do moving in with a guy even if he was my boyfriend! But anyway, yeah.. good job! :boogie :boogie


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## Optimistic (Nov 4, 2006)

Great to hear from ya, Orwen. :yes Way to go on your success story.

(Had been missing seeing your posts)


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## Amande (Feb 5, 2005)

Awesome!! Way to go, Orwen  

I hope to write a similar post in a year or two.


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Awesome that you are doing well.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Amande said:


> I hope to write a similar post in a year or two.


I didn't know that you had a girlfriend to move in with. :b

ops That was a bad attempt at a joke.

That is cool that you moved in together. I hope it works out. I know I would like to be in your shoes right now, but I would worry about giving up some privacy and having to work on keeping her attracted when she sees the side of you that you don't present to the world.


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## orwen2000 (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi everyone and thanks for your kind words. It's really awesome that so many people responded. I wasn't expecting that. I forgot how big this board is.

Hi Millenniumman75, I'm really happy that you still remember me. I know we've never actually been in contact but I remember reading many of your posts. I'm also happy this year has been so good for you, and I hope it will continue. I'm happy for you too 

RedBlueFish, my parents were quite easy to live with, they almost never criticized me (even if sometimes they wanted to know where I was going etc but then again I wasn't going out a lot). I felt very comfortable living with them. In fact, I'm still having some trouble adjusting to living away from them. Sometimes I still miss being in my old room or in the living room there. But I I've lived with them for 30 years, so it'll take time.

Classified - I moved in here very gradually. At first I just stayed for the night, 2-3 days a week, and in the mornings went back to my apartment and left for work from there. After some weeks I started staying for the weekends. Then I started sleeping here for more and more days. Then for several months I slept on my own in my apartment for just one day a week and the rest I spent here. Sometimes she joined me there. By then it was more natural to live there and come living here. I must say that it wasn't entirely fair to my girlfriend and she missed me a lot on that "off" day, and I also felt guilty about it, but I felt I needed it.
And yeah, it was difficult for the two of us to lose our privacy. But we're trying to give each other some room. Like I don't usually hang around her while she's online and she doesn't hang around me (usually).
Just like you, I used to worry about keeping a girl attracted once she sees my ugly side. But hey, my girlfriend knows by now all the bad things about me, and she still loves me. I remember that each time I told her, or she found out, something which I thought was a major turn-off about me, I fully expected her to leave me there and then. But it turned out not to matter at all.


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