# Putting yourself out there and getting shot down...



## Cass18 (May 26, 2015)

It is such a terrible feeling when you muster up the courage to put yourself out there to someone in a friendship way or in any way really, and you actually have hope; you actually think you will have a chance and then BAM you get shot down and sent back into your deep hole of depression and severe SA. It is like confirmation that all your negative feelings are rational and you should just never try.. it makes me want to throw up a ball of sh***y emotions.
Anyone else ever feel this way?


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## Midnight626 (May 30, 2015)

Yup. That's why I keep a ultra small circle of friends, feel their friends out and weed through the people that end up being buttheads until I can prove those negative thoughts wrong. Doesn't work all the time, but don't lose all hope. Not everyone's a *word of your choosing*


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## Cass18 (May 26, 2015)

Midnight626 said:


> Yup. That's why I keep a ultra small circle of friends, feel their friends out and weed through the people that end up being buttheads until I can prove those negative thoughts wrong. Doesn't work all the time, but don't lose all hope. Not everyone's a *word of your choosing*


That is a good way of thinking. I just can't seem to find anyone who I can relate to at all currently. But I love your optimism


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## Midnight626 (May 30, 2015)

You might find someone you can relate to here. I'm a complete newbie and sifting through threads I can already relate to a lot of what people talk about when it comes to the negative thinking, inabilities to to such a thing etc. It's like reading something you thought no one else would ever write, and in that, you are not alone. All I can do is babble in hopes that you & people like you, when you get down like that can find something in all of this that makes sense to you. That's all I wish. because reading what you wrote brings me right back into that cage with the beast we're all familiar with. That beast we all loathe. Demons. Take your pick. Remember that no matter how far down that hole you're dragged, there are always people down there with you, and I'm sure they would like to have an out, even for a while, so we help each other until the next fall. 
My apologies, it's early here, and I'm rambling. lol
Anyhow don't give up on people just yet eh.


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## WhatBITW (Jan 26, 2013)

I'm probably one of the people doing this to others who try to get friendly with me.


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## Cass18 (May 26, 2015)

Midnight626 said:


> You might find someone you can relate to here. I'm a complete newbie and sifting through threads I can already relate to a lot of what people talk about when it comes to the negative thinking, inabilities to to such a thing etc. It's like reading something you thought no one else would ever write, and in that, you are not alone. All I can do is babble in hopes that you & people like you, when you get down like that can find something in all of this that makes sense to you. That's all I wish. because reading what you wrote brings me right back into that cage with the beast we're all familiar with. That beast we all loathe. Demons. Take your pick. Remember that no matter how far down that hole you're dragged, there are always people down there with you, and I'm sure they would like to have an out, even for a while, so we help each other until the next fall.
> My apologies, it's early here, and I'm rambling. lol
> Anyhow don't give up on people just yet eh.


It is very interesting and enlightening to read a post on here and relate to it so much. Sometimes it is as if I am reading my own thoughts, except they are someone elses thoughts. Then I don't feel so alone. But I can't actually talk to them or be their friend so the feelings of being able to relate to someone else doesn't stem farther than just a mere thought floating through my head. Then I feel super alone again. It's a lonely cycle, even though I know there are a lot of other people trapped in the same cage as me, I just wish I knew one of them so I could help them and they could help me. But you are right I guess it's just up to me to make myself not feel so alone


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## LaSmalllFry (May 1, 2015)

Always feel that way. That's why I procrastinate putting myself out there and when I do, I feel like s*** afterwards. I try not to expect anything but deep down inside, I hope for an outcome of positivity.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

stay positive. true moments of chemistry between two human beings only come around a few times in a persons life, and its because theyre so rare that they are so precious, and worth all the trial, error, disappointment, heartache and anxiety that we have to put ourselves through to try to find them in the places where we end up.


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

SPC said:


> stay positive. true moments of chemistry between two human beings only come around a few times in a persons life, and its because theyre so rare that they are so precious, and worth all the trial, error, disappointment, heartache and anxiety that we have to put ourselves through to try to find them in the places where we end up.


Nicely said, I completely agree. It can be hard when you have had a lot of rejections in a row, which is pretty common because it's so hard to find a real connection.

I'm quite picky about other people, which I think helps. Yes, sometimes it leaves me frustrated that I don't like many people, but at least I'm not wasting my energy on douches and setting myself up for rejection. Then when I find someone good, I'm willing to put a lot into it.


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## Reckoner7 (Jan 29, 2007)

Cass18 said:


> That is a good way of thinking. I just can't seem to find anyone who I can relate to at all currently. But I love your optimism


Same here, I dont think i've fitted in with people all my life. I've been in the middle so to speak where I been in friendship groups but all the time I felt like a outsider, even with the best friends that I have had.
I dont have many friends now, partly my own fault as I have withdrawn myself but also the fact like your OP I been shot down too many times. Maybe the people that I chose to befriend were the wrong ones but it seems all the people I choose eventually shoot me down so is it bad luck or something that i'm doing.


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## Cass18 (May 26, 2015)

Reckoner7 said:


> Same here, I dont think i've fitted in with people all my life. I've been in the middle so to speak where I been in friendship groups but all the time I felt like a outsider, even with the best friends that I have had.
> I dont have many friends now, partly my own fault as I have withdrawn myself but also the fact like your OP I been shot down too many times. Maybe the people that I chose to befriend were the wrong ones but it seems all the people I choose eventually shoot me down so is it bad luck or something that i'm doing.


I feel the exact same! I have had friends but I always felt like I didn't belong even though I hung out with those people all the time and they always asked me to hang out. I just felt so awkward as if they really didn't like me. About a year ago I just secluded myself from all the "friends" I had. So it is all my fault I don't have friends anymore. I feel so alone but it's because I chose to be alone; but I only chose to be alone because I don't fit in. It is such a f***ed up cycle and I feel I will never be able to have friends because of this issue.


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## skys (Mar 14, 2014)

Welp. Better than getting physically shot down.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

I know that feel, but I keep recommending clubs and hobby groups cause I found it easier.

But yeah it hurts when you found someone who you think might be a good friend and it falls through. Hurt is an inevitable part of the process, though in the long run it hurts less than just giving up


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## Omgblood (Jun 30, 2010)

ive been making myself more socially open to people the last past half year. Texting, calling, arranging to go gym or do things together. About 9/10 times it fails. Its like I expect failure im not even suprised by the outcome.


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## Shyfrogg (Jun 8, 2015)

Yup happened to me today made plans a week ago to go to the movies with and old friend and it took every ounce of courage and confidence to ask her I spent hours debating whether I should ask and once I asked I felt happy and then super nervous and when she said "Yes" I spent a week panicking and freaking out about if she was going to think I'm lame or stupid since I had never been out with friends and I have word vomit a lot then once I finally mentally prepared myself and accepted that I was going to be fine an hour before it was time to go she texted me "hey we can go another time because I'm broke" at first I was like ok that's fine but now I'm pissed because I was sooo excited to go and it took a lot for me to ask then I had to lie to my mom about why I wasn't going because I didn't won't to seem like a total loser I don't take rejection well and now o feel like I'm never going to ask anyone to hang out again ??


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## pacasio1 (Sep 23, 2012)

I always feel like this, for the past year I've tried to reach out, on dates, friendly hang outs, and it has failed every single time. Maybe we hang out once and then they disappear


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

I have stopped dating and I will stop reaching out for friends not worth it anymore. Regardless of emotional investment I no longer have much expectation. I will always consider them as losses to be incurred. Again people who are around for whatever reason, sure fine, everyone else I just let them be. Though they better not be in my way.


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## chessman6500 (Sep 5, 2013)

I have had a long history of bad experiences with people in general. Let me elaborate a bit for you here....

I have an autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety, a milk allergy, and Schueremanns Kyphosis. All of these conditions melded together make it near impossible for me to make any social headway. I am like a pariah to most people I meet because right from the get go they sense something is not quite the norm with me and turn me away. I have been brave and still put myself out there time and time again, because if I know I don't do so I'd have nothing. I know rejection hurts but I gotta keep trying. I only have one true friend and am working to get a gf and more friends but am starting to back off of making friends as it doesn't appear plausible anymore. I have been trying actually for as long as I can remember. 

Its just progress in the making, and it proves to me I didn't do anything to deserve what I have now, it was just a bad hand of cards that were drawn. Eventually, I'm just gonna learn to make the most, I'm going to my video game mentalities I used to have and see if an avenue opens up again there. 

I mean all of this is very annoying to say the least, but yet I've lasted because of persistence. I just worry how long the persistence in trying will last.


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