# More Triumphs



## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Things are improving more and more.

*Made more eye contact today
* Said hi to all co-workers pro-actively, and focused on conversing with the ones I've been intimidated by
* Got into a long conversation with a co-worker (never has happened)
* Co-worker asked if I was on facebook and wanted to find me. LOL
* Talked slowly, spoke from diaphram (did wonders)
* Made some jokes. 
* Was generally more expressive
*Crushed a lot of negative thoughts by asking controversial questions
*IE : Negative thought: Picture of me getting nervous at a bar with people
- Response: Asking "What if I can be confident at a bar?"
* Laughed a lot with clients and co-workers
* Asked a lot of questions proactively in conversation.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

I'm happy for you, those are quite impressive improvements, you must be proud of yourself


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Thank you so much, Herisson!


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

I have pretty similar problems, especially with breathing and talking calmly and eye- contact is quite a scary thing. It takes quite an effort to overcome these things, and people here really encourage others to try!


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Yes! It's all difficult. It's about taking real small steps. And not being afraid to admit to yourself and to others that what is difficult for you is easier for others.

Today, I had a job interview and felt very relaxed. Normal. Had a conversation, more than an interview. After that, I went to a coffee shop and ended up talking to a dude there proactively. He had a book about getting to know people, so I just started talking to him. We talked for a good half hour at least. And it was enjoyable. It felt possible for me to make friends with him.

After that, I went to my current employer and for the first time, we had a normal conversation and I was goofy. And felt like myself.

Step by step.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Admitting is quite hard, but that is the first step to get rid of problems, so its quite necessary.
You have achieved a lot of goals already, that must feel so great! Job interviews makes every one nervous to even think about it, so you seem to have managed super well!

To my mind, healing never goes just up up, sometimes you just can't help going back. That has happened to me for example, when i have had to give presentations, first it went awful, next ones a little better but then again awful. It frustrates a lot, but you just have to accept, that eventually you'll get better (step by step like you said)


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Herisson,

So TRUE! Have had a bit of a setback later in the day (because of lack of sleep, I think). I was reading a bit about the science of the brain and how neural pathways, the more they are stimulated, are more likely to affect behavior. This is why overcoming social anxiety or anything is hard. To change behavior, thinking, etc. is to spur the growth of new neural pathways. That's huge. And time consuming. And it takes a lot of energy. No different than growing stronger in any other way.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Nice to know some physiologic side , changing is very slow and difficult, and the hardest part is to give yourself time, not get too frustrated and not rush, because slowly you learn better than fast. It's about changing the entire lifestyle.


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Thanks for your response! Yes. Admitting suitable pace is crucial.

Today, to end the week, I pushed myself big time and attended a social meetup (with 10-15 people), and had MANY triumphs. Immediately when I got there, I talked to people, slowly spoke, and at one point (near the beginning when I had a lot of energy), I was talking to a group of 3 people at once...confidently..for a few seconds. It was awesome. I got into some conversations one-on-one with people, and in groups, and played a game with a few people. I began to burn out after about 2 hours, but ended up staying until the end of the day. I left exhausted, but not excruciatingly disappointed about my failure to be expressive and confident near the end of the day. This is a huge step for me..Not beating myself up. 

I won't relent. I might have to work tomorrow from 7 AM till 7 PM. Yuck. But..yes. Today was great.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

You seem to be very ambitious about changing, and you haave really worked hard to get where you want to get, That's encouraging at least me to try too. I think your attitude has been an essential Thing, i guess i should change mine to get things started..
You are all triumphs and big steps, awsome!
It's ok to feel exhausted, i think you're one of us introverts, who need alone time. It's great that you lasted until the end of the day, for me, it is sometimes hard to hide my tiredness of Being around a lot of people too long , and i may get cranky and maybe even rude:/
12 hours? Oh no, hope You had enough energy.


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## martin123 (Feb 23, 2014)

Learnt to drive :clap


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## 1lifetolove (Feb 22, 2014)

way to go!!!!!! Congrats, its great to hear about people's triumphs. It really is all in the attitude.


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Herisson said:


> You seem to be very ambitious about changing, and you haave really worked hard to get where you want to get, That's encouraging at least me to try too. I think your attitude has been an essential Thing, i guess i should change mine to get things started..
> You are all triumphs and big steps, awsome!
> It's ok to feel exhausted, i think you're one of us introverts, who need alone time. It's great that you lasted until the end of the day, for me, it is sometimes hard to hide my tiredness of Being around a lot of people too long , and i may get cranky and maybe even rude:/
> 12 hours? Oh no, hope You had enough energy.


Thank You, Herisson!

Yes. I just came to a point where I realize becoming stronger is not just a physical sense. And to improve socially is no different than anything else. It ONLY will come with consistency and hard work. As for the attitude change, it is not a one time decision, I've been finding. Three times a day I'v ehad to take out this little piece of paper that says things like "What if I can say hi to people? What if I can be around people? What if ..." and it sort of begins to develop a chronic mentality of exploration and pushing myself to achieve goals.

ended up not working, which is great. tomorrow I'm working at my other job from 7:30 AM to 2:30 PM.



martin123 said:


> Learnt to drive :clap


CONGRATULATIONS! This is amazing.



1lifetolove said:


> way to go!!!!!! Congrats, its great to hear about people's triumphs. It really is all in the attitude.


It really is.


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Wow. More Triumphs today.

Triumphs:

* Started work at a new site today, and adapted much quicker than I usually do.

*While I was nervous and felt closed off at first, I pushed myself and was able to answer "small talk questions" without freaking out too much (like I normally do)

*Near the end of the shift, I made a few jokes and felt real normal. Made some lady co-worker laugh genuinely (never happens), and said hi to a lot of clients and co-workers.

*Asked for one co-workers name and this time he was the one to say "do I know you?", rather than me.

*Didn't get discouraged when a client said "I don't know you" and turned away..I kept being confident and ended up getting into a conversation with her (I work with people with developmental disorders)

* When I got tired, I pushed myself to "act" awake and it really did help

*After work, I went to the library and I shocked myself..I began a conversation with a girl in the same aisle as me! I was honest with her and started the conversation by asking her if she was studying physiology (she had a lot of books). She said yes, and asked me if I was. I said no, and said "I am studying facial anatomy because..well this sounds weird..but..I notice when I get socially anxious, these two muscles (point to muscles below eyes) tense up" and I laughed. She giggled at one point and said she was looking for a book and couldn't find it. 

Seconds later, I found it. Than I cracked a joke and said "I've been massaging my eye muscles so..I can see better". It was so natural and...I felt human.

Amazing triumphs.


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## holographicbutterfies (Feb 25, 2014)

jdrubnitz said:


> Wow. More Triumphs today.
> 
> Triumphs:
> 
> ...


Congrats on your spectacular day!!


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

holographicbutterfies said:


> Congrats on your spectacular day!!


Thank you!!


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I hate how one day you can feel good and then next day you're all depressed and you don't feel like talking. Good for you.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Wow you're doing so wonderful!
That paper thing, where you wrote those questions sounds like a good way, pushing oneself time after time does make things a routine. It's interesting How much we can control and 'manipulate' our minds


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

visualkeirockstar said:


> I hate how one day you can feel good and then next day you're all depressed and you don't feel like talking. Good for you.


yeah. Having a setback day today. I haven't gotten as much sleep lately so now I'm all messed up. I hate how sensitive I am to this ****



Herisson said:


> Wow you're doing so wonderful!
> That paper thing, where you wrote those questions sounds like a good way, pushing oneself time after time does make things a routine. It's interesting How much we can control and 'manipulate' our minds


Yes. This has probably been one of the most impacting and influential parts of my recovery. Indeed, it is interesting.


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