# so, it is possible



## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

Alrighte, not sure why i decided to post here because i rarely visit these forums anymore.. but I did remember that i enjoyed reading inspirational stories when i did so here goes.

My social anxiety is probably 90% better than it was at the lowest point in my life. Of course I'm not completely cured and I'll have the odd day or event where i feel completely introverted and don't speak to anybody, but for the most part I'm more outgoing than the so called 'normal people' these days.

I participate in class discussions when everybody else is afraid to voice thier opinions, i talk to random girls without worrying about whether or not they'll think im boring or ugly or something. I look people in the eyes when i walk past them and am not afraid to not break eye contact. I don't profusely sweat because I'm way too self aware and think that everybody is judging me... yeah its all pretty nice.

I still don't have many friends, simply because I don't know how to make them at this point though, not because im afraid to. It's something ill work on after i complete my own personal goals. (The first goal was to conquer social anxiety, the second one is to find a suitable girlfriend for a meaningful relationship which hasn't happened yet, but thats next in line).

Anyway, you're probably wondering how i did this... Well in a nutshell it was completely self provoked and extremely difficult, but well worth it. I spent many weeks researching self help material (most notably sosuave.net which is basicly a site to help nerds not suck with girls, but overall its really just a forum where you can access materials to help improve your social life). I absorbed the information and came to the conclusion that social anxiety DISORDER doesn't really exist. Don't get me wrong social anxiety exists, but everybody has some form of anxiety.. theres no actual disorder here. The only difference between you and the most outgoing person on earth is how you both deal with fear. The socialphobic person lets the fear rule his life and will never take any risks, the outgoing person decided to fight his fear and eventually learned there was nothing to be scared of. Yep thats the single most important thought i have these days. Fear is the only thing keeping you from being social. You're AFRAID people won't like you, you're AFRAID people will laugh at you, and you're AFRAID to socialize.

Well let me tell you something EVERYBODY is afraid to socialize, yep its true even as we speak there are people out there who have been afraid to speak to you because of fear of what you might think of them. Some people don't let this fear bother them and lead normal lives and others are so overwhelmed by the fear that they just give up the idea of ever acheiving what they want from life.

I'm done babbling about all of that for now. The last thing i will say on that matter is that its quite pathetic to simply not even try to do something you're afraid of everyday. I try to do something that scares me everyday and i've been slowly gaining more self esteem. Also if you're not buying into the idea that everybody is afraid of thier socializing, why do you think we use alcohol as a society to socialize? yeah ... exactly.

I realized that nobody was going to help me, but me so i did something about it. I still remember the very first time i asked for a girls phone number ... man i was a wreck .. even the second time i was probably even more afraid, but i did it and im glad i did. I remember how scared i was to attend this party where i didnt know anybody except the girl who invited me, but I pushed myself to do it and i felt great about it. I remember the first time i spoke out in front of a room full of people during a lecture ... yep terrifying but i did it. 

So here i am, basicly leading the same life i was before, except im much more relaxed in public and i can socialize fairly easily. I still have no idea how to make friends and i still have no idea how im going to get a job. But I take it one step at a time and eventually my life will be better.

Hope this post helps somebody... i dont want my writing to be in vain.


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

> The last thing i will say on that matter is that its quite pathetic to simply not even try to do something you're afraid of everyday. I try to do something that scares me everyday and i've been slowly gaining more self esteem.


Good advice...I need a kick in the pants like this once in a while!

Farren


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## Dante3214 (Jan 16, 2006)

You are the epitome of former loser achievement!


Congratulations on your seemingly large boost of confidence! And it's a wake-up call to us all that what we percieve is not necessarily real!


You = Chuck Norris of SASers! *ROUNDHOUSE KICK!*


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

hehe I'm just glad this post is helping people


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## Dante3214 (Jan 16, 2006)

And the link you provided is the most important link I have ever recieved besides google!

(I wouldn't of found this without google..)


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## schooley (Mar 25, 2005)

Awesome post. I'm a fellow follower of sosuave.net and I can vouch for how helpful it can be. Good point about the alcohol thing too.


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## Davy Jones (Nov 9, 2003)

Mintyfresh said:


> I absorbed the information and came to the conclusion that social anxiety DISORDER doesn't really exist.


Great! I have no friends for no reason. Maybe I should kill myself... or maybe what you had was not Social Anxiety Disorder. If you look it up on Wikipedia you'd notice that people with SAD _already know_ that their fears are irrational. So this post isn't very helpful.


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

Davy Jones said:


> Mintyfresh said:
> 
> 
> > I absorbed the information and came to the conclusion that social anxiety DISORDER doesn't really exist.
> ...


whats the difference between shyness and social anxiety disorder? its just extreme shyness .... what causes shyness? fear of being judged by others, and thankfully fear is a natural thing every human has and also has the ability to battle against... i think thats what im saying. I just realized that everybody is scared of social situations ... i was just more afraid than most people, this thought was really enlightening. If you don't want to develop the same belief system as me thats perfectly fine, but i was able to work through this disorder and from your post it seems like you've already given up all hope of getting better.


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## SunLite (Jan 4, 2005)

Yah man people are more afraid of public speaking than death. Everyone is or has been afraid at one point or another.

I think we all have those enlightening times personally I find another one coming up pretty soon. 

I used to be all hooked on self help. Bam get yourself deep enough in it I thought you could make changes. And I was right I did. Same with sosuave.com or fastseduction.com or wherever else you went to. 

But why is that? Is it from the confidence from the material? Or the positive responses you got from using the material and the lack of negative responses?


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

Interesting question... I think the confidence comes from something internally. The results haven't be that favorable as far as making new friends and finding a girlfriend, but that stuff just takes time.

As far as the results being positive giving me the new found confidence ... well yes of course. I've only had one flat out rejection from a girl for asking for her number and ive made several successful attempts. Even the rejection turned out positive because i still see that girl around school and we're aquaintinces/friends now... heh heh ironic that im friends with the one who rejected me and not the ones who didnt huh (honestly i wasnt that attracted to her anyway and only approached her for the experience so it worked out well).

I've had no negative responses from asking questions in classes, infact people were more inclined to speak to me after the class because i was so vocal during it. I actually had a conversation about bands and music with a couple of people after my history class because a couple of guys came up to me and asked me about band who's sweatshirt i happen to be wearing.

Also my confidence is at a very high point because i reviewed my past and how many women have gone out of thier way to flirt with me and i was just too ignorant / shy to notice. So ... I've realized im actually a desirable person both physically and mentally and have nothing to be afraid of as far as socializing goes.

In short, nothing happens or changes unless you make it happen. Do or die.

On an interesting note I was watching beauty and the geek on television, and its a show about pretty girls who are perceived as unintelligent partnering up with geeky guys who are afraid of women and socializing in general. Watching the geeks just makes you go "wow i felt like that too at some point and look they're doing something to get over it, why cant i".

also read this :
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread ... adid=29968


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## Jixam (Feb 5, 2006)

Hey, Mintyfresh

Nice story and i decided to start working on my shyness today. Your post gives me confedence.

'I try to do something that scares me everyday". I will start with this monday and i hope it will work for me too.

Thanks for sharing your story with us


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## Szattam (Nov 11, 2003)

I applaud you for standing up and doing something about it, you are the man! I agree with all you have said. I also am unwilling to acknowledge that this disorder exists. People treat it like some incurable disease and just accept it. But it really is all in our heads, and we're all strong enough to kick it's ***. 

I also try to do things that scare me as often as possible, I believe it's incredibly important, but it is very hard. I've read many things on how the mind deals with fear, I've also listened to audio lectures about the subconscious mind and hypnosis by therapists and they all essentially agree on the same thing. That is, you can either react to fear by curling up into a ball, or you can learn to view risky situations as exciting challenges. The other problem is that people tend to take everything, especially themselves, way too seriously. Just look at how easily people are offended and frightened by the smallest, dumbest things. Happy people aren't happy because they live in an alternate dimension where everything happens to go right, they just have the right attitude towards life. Such a simple thing. 

Phobias are very curable. The problem is, it's in a part of our brain that is extremely hard to consciously control. It is this incredibly strong powerhouse that controls you, but unfortunately it's stubborn and a very slow learner... It has to be trained through repetition and experience. It's the same deal as learning a sport or martial art. In the beginning we consciously understand what we're supposed to be doing, yet for some reason we suck... only after much repetition will it become programmed as "muscle memory" in your subconscious mind. You can't just wake up one day and decide that you're fearless, just as you can't turn into a kung-fu master over night. We have to get off our butts and practice, practice, practice... and most importantly learn to have fun  

Thanks for posting your success story Mintyfresh! :hs


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## AlienOnEarth (Dec 5, 2004)

shwin said:


> Fantastic Read! I completely agree! Without facing your fears, you will not get where you want to be. Its as simple as that even if you are an SA'er or not! Every fear is only conquered this way...
> 
> again, Excellent post. I hope to be where you are pretty soon! Good Job.


First of all, great read!

But im not so sure about facing fears. I have been doing Dr Richards overcoming social anxiety step by step program, and he is against this idea; he thinks it is a step backwards if one is not ready to face it.

I don't know, im just throwing it out there. I have to say, since last year i came to this forum I have become much better. I have not posted much in the past months. But I will post my success story when I am <hopefully> fully recovered.


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

Okay so, despite all the strives i made theres still a part of me whos disappointed with who i am. Which is ridiculous because I should be proud of what ive struggled and won against as far as anxiety and depression goes. I'm a new person in that my inhibitions are lowered and I much more likely to position myself into social situations, but i am still the same person in that I have difficulty aquiring the friendship of others.

Does the soul searching never end? Would i want it to end if it did?

All negativity aside, there is a definate change in my personality since i started all of this. I find myself actively seeking new experiences and doing things i never thought i would. I find myself hopeful of the future and pondering a happier existance than the one now. It's actually an exciting prospect that after i save up a bit of money, I can pickup and move wherever i choose and begin a new life without the preconceived notions i feel i have of myself inside the prison which is this dreary area i grew up in. It's the kind of place people always talk about escaping from when they grow older, but a lot wind up staying and feeling trapped forever. My biggest fear was just that... becoming a "towny". Now i say no thanks, thats not me, it'll take some time but i will create a life of my own. I have one good friend at the moment and i can easily see asking him to take a chance and move with me to another country, and starting a happier life together. Wouldn't that be great ?

Lol okay enough rambling. 

Today i was on my way to class and the class was canceled, and to make a long story short i wound up spending the hour i would've had in class chatting with 4 beautiful girls who i knew nothing about, other than we shared an english class. I was surprised that they weren't against the notion of spending the time with me, but i was more surprised that i accepted the invitation. (Haha okay im not that surprised because I usually have to do very little to charm the opposite sex in the beginning due to my good looks.) In the past i would've ejected out of fear. Somehow i carried a conversation between the five of us in a quiet little part of campus with people surrounding us not saying a word other than what was spoken between us. So basicly i was sitting there speaking with 4 very attractive girls with an audience of people around us. I'll admit the conversation wasn't exactly the most exciting, and there was a few awkward pauses, but i didn't die because of them lol. Towards the end of the discussion it actually got quite interesting and we began discussing around dream lives, livinging on deserted islands etc. I wish I was more of a natural conversationalist, but hey that'll improve along with everything else im working on. 

I'm a long ways away from somebody who is afraid of social encounters aren't I ?


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## g20 (Feb 13, 2006)

WOW! Loved Szattam's post!! :agree


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## SunLite (Jan 4, 2005)

The Dr Richards tape and workbook program I am not too sure about. I am positive that his groups in arizona create results because it has a lot to do with the behavior part. But the tapes and workbook work on the cognitive part. What good is positive thinking and understanding without changing behavior?

If you are not ready it can cause backwards steps.
IE you never ever go out and then go out bowling with a bunch of strangers because this one girl thinks your a hot stud  and it turns out to be too much for you. Can Ya feel me here?


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## Mintyfresh (May 27, 2004)

whats with all this dr richards crap lately, seriously everybody here is talking about the damn guy .... it sounds like a scam to suck money out of those who really want to improve thier lives

Getting better is as simple as expanding what you're comfortable doing socially, its literally impossible to initiate 100 5-10 minute conversations with random strangers and not be relatively comfortable doing it by the end. 

I say if you're not willing to put aside everything that could possibly stop you from becoming the person you want to be then you simply don't want it bad enough.

(side note: be prepraed to come to the realization that social anxiety probably isn't the root of your unhappiness. It may indirectly attribute towards it, however getting rid of social anxiety apparently doesn't make life immediately better. I wish i was more prepared to see that my depression never had anything to do with my shy nature, but one problem at a time right?)


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## Ll (Jun 14, 2005)

congratulations!! I agree also that everyone is social afraid on some level..it is fabulous that you have shrunk down your anxiety to the point where it is finally manageable! I have had the same experience..in the last year I have gone to sleepovers, parties, made a best friend, gone out in public more than ever, and phone people up frequently. Isn't it a relief to finally not be scared all of the time? It feels great! It always makes me happy to see that someone else has succeeded in conquering SA. There is hope for all of us!


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## mikaeel (Feb 9, 2006)

*well done!!*

:banana hey there am extremely happy to hear about your success story...its truely inspirational for me....my question is did u do it with or without drugs??


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## Mike^D (Feb 26, 2004)

I pretty much agree with everything you said there. Nice to see someone else realising this stuff.


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## AlienOnEarth (Dec 5, 2004)

Mintyfresh said:


> whats with all this dr richards crap lately, seriously everybody here is talking about the @#$% guy .... it sounds like a scam to suck money out of those who really want to improve thier lives


Its the kind of scam that actually works then, cause I have become A LOT better solely because of his tapes.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

Mintyfresh said:


> Today i was on my way to class and the class was canceled, and to make a long story short i wound up spending the hour i would've had in class chatting with 4 beautiful girls who i knew nothing about, other than we shared an english class. I was surprised that they weren't against the notion of spending the time with me, but i was more surprised that i accepted the invitation. (Haha okay im not that surprised because I usually have to do very little to charm the opposite sex in the beginning due to my good looks.)


Girls like to talk. You dont need to be charming or good looking to get them to talk to you, as long as you show interest in what they have to say. Sorry, but youre just coming off a little cocky is all.

Anyway, its good (for you) that youre doing better.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

I think a lot of it has to do with realizing that you are the only one that can get yourself out of it. For a long time I thought I would find something outside myself that would fix it. A pill, a book, a class, a doctor, this website, the right friend, a soul mate, you name it. I thought if I moved somewhere else, it would be the cure. I tried everything but kept failing. Then when I hit absolute rock bottom, I found myself totally alone, and I realized I would have to get myself out of this frame of mind and out of these phobias all by myself. No one was gonna do it for me. It took me realizing that to ever make any progress at all. Now, I confront one fear every day. (Or I try my hardest) It is really hard but it is the only thing that has ever helped me at all. Dealing with one fear each day also keeps me from doing too much too fast, which I think is what Dr. Richards is probably talking about when he says exposure can make someone worse. 
It's about one step at a time, no matter how small. 

I think it's important though to realize that not everyone understands that they have to do it totally themselves at first. Many people are still waiting for that right medication, that right doctor, that right friend, to make the SA "disappear"... and even if people realize deep down they are 100% responsible for their SA (and can't put the responsibility on anyone else at all) it's very hard to take on that responsibility, so people lie to themselves a lot. 

I don't really agree that it's a matter of not wanting it enough. I think deep down everyone wants to be happy and in control of their fears. They are just not always sure how to get there.


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## cicada (Aug 25, 2005)

nesteroff,

I, too, thought that my happiness was dependent on external things. If only had the right job/major, went to the right school, lived in the right place, etc. then my depression would go away and so would my social anxiety. I would make these huge life changes thinking they were the answer to my problems. At first the changes were exciting and I did feel a little more optimistic. Then I'd realize that I was still the same person with social anxiety. I spent many years doing this and I still have to fight the urge to seek solutions in external things. Once I started to focus on changing myself on the inside I started to see progress.


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## buzz (Jul 5, 2006)

110% Right. Confidence is your key.


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## Jinnix (Jul 6, 2006)

yup confidence in yourself and your appearance REALLY helped me because my anxiety came from people thinking I looked ugly


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## NotJustShyness (Jul 5, 2006)

great thread, also I saved that link you sent to sosuave, that was a great read.. grats man!


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

I am glad to see all the people who realize that its about taking responsibility for changing yourself! Instead of using excuses to justify staying the way we are, the first step is realizing that no matter who or what is to blame for our past, we are totally in charge of changing our future. We admit it is not easy but it is worth the hard work to improve and eventually win the war!


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

Holy crap, ONCE AGAIN, it happens, what I have been talkign about proves again to be tre, thank you for confirming that ,would you mind to stick around a bit or maybe PM me your email or somehting Im workign on some sort of "essay" somehtign that I plan to hand to everyone with SA and improve their views and lower their anxiety and motivate them to work on it, you just said it perfectly everythign I had taken notice on, oh and added some stuff that I hadnt figured out yet.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

:b


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