# how having a 'social' job can be good.



## agape (Apr 12, 2009)

I guess this could be described as a triumph of sorts.
I currently work as a barman which i guess is a pretty social job. The thing i've noticed is that whenever I am in a situation where I am expected to play out a particular role, my SA ceases to be too much of a problem.
It's like when I have an 'excuse' to be social I can do it no problem, and playing the role of a barman gives me that perfect excuse to make easy small talk with customers no problem. 
Does anybody else know what I mean here?
Now if only I could force myself to do this in situations where I have no excuses. :roll


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## kikachuck (Nov 10, 2003)

agape said:


> I guess this could be described as a triumph of sorts.
> I currently work as a barman which i guess is a pretty social job. The thing i've noticed is that whenever I am in a situation where I am expected to play out a particular role, my SA ceases to be too much of a problem.
> It's like when I have an 'excuse' to be social I can do it no problem, and playing the role of a barman gives me that perfect excuse to make easy small talk with customers no problem.
> Does anybody else know what I mean here?
> Now if only I could force myself to do this in situations where I have no excuses. :roll


I couldn't agree more! I had a real social job last year and I think it was good for me.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Good for you, agape! As for me, I've been a barmaid. I was rubbish at it...


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Yes, definitely! I find my SAD isn't nearly as bad when I'm talking to strangers at work who I know I'll never have to see again. Maybe it's that knowledge that there's no need to form any kind of real, lasting relationship with a customer that takes the pressure off.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

If it's for work purposes, the "socializing" isn't so much a problem for me. 

Normally I feel like I'm burdening people simply by talking to them. I get uncomfortable because I don't want to be intruding. But if I'm working, I have an excuse: It's my job to talk to them and that makes me feel like less of an intrusion, therefore my comfort level rises a bit.

I'm still unable to get personal with people, but as long as the conversation stays job-related or focused on the other person, I seem to be relatively OK. (My SA skyrockets the instant it turns personal.)


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I'm pretty fine at work joking around with colleagues and stuff, but I usually don't feel too comfortable if people start asking a lot of questions about me or my motives for doing something.

Keeping things non-personal is my preference too but sometimes it cannot be avoided.

My doctor is really the only person I've ever been comfortable enough with to talk to about myself elaborately.


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## crome (Dec 2, 2008)

Ditto to this. Been working only three days and it's done wonders for me. It's awesome for my confidence!


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I know exactly what you mean. I feel much more comfortable dealing with customers at work than "regular people" outside of work.


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## Traci (Jan 26, 2004)

I know what you mean. Like at work I know how to act and socalize because it's that type of structured enviorment, but throw me at a party with 30 of my peers I'd be running out the door. (Which I've done!)


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## La_Resistance (Feb 3, 2009)

I can definitely relate. I work in a call centre and my job consists of speaking with customers all day. But I have no problems doing that, I'm really good at what I do and show great confidence when talking to clients. Listening to me speak over the phone when I'm dealing with customers, you would never think I have SA.


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## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

Yeah I work for almost 2 years as an office assistant and then later as a receptionist (for the same company) and it definately was a huge boost to my confidence and assertiveness in dealing with people. I even did some cold calling once when I had no other work to do, and bluffed my way with a fake name, bubbly voice and managed to get the names of senior managers lol. Like Resistance said, once you get practised at it, people would never guess if you had SA, you can come across as bubbly and confident as you like.


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

i totally cannot relate to this. i worked in an ice cream shop for two years. every single customer that came in i felt nervous around. every single one (as far as i can remember).


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Yeah! I kind of can't wait to get a job. It helped my mom and my boyfriend open up a lot, and I'm sure it'll help me. I'm scared of it, of course, but I'm ready and willing.


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## agape (Apr 12, 2009)

Thanks for the replies guys.
If we can be 'social' when we're given these types of roles then why can't we be social outside of them?
I mean, for me, it's so easy to play the role when it's given to me and people expect me to play that role, but why can't we have that same mindset outside it?


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

actually ill edit my post a little bit saying that although i didnt feel comfortable around customers, i did feel totally comfortable around my co-workers, most of which were very attractive women


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## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

agape said:


> Thanks for the replies guys.
> If we can be 'social' when we're given these types of roles then why can't we be social outside of them?
> I mean, for me, it's so easy to play the role when it's given to me and people expect me to play that role, but why can't we have that same mindset outside it?


I think this is an interesting thread. I would definetely say that my work experiences as an architect helped me to make HUGE gains on my SA. I'm not sure why it happens though. For me, I've often felt it really came down to the need for survival. I really wanted to succeed, to make money, and to make sure I could pay my bills (very important). I think this basic need for survival helped me to push through some of the social barriers I initially experienced at work. (and throughout my entire life).

There's other factors to: When you're part of a team, and your coworkers depend on you to hold up your end, it causes you to just focus on 'getting the job done', and that tends to push some of the SA to the side, so you're not focused directly on it.
Also, I think when you have a job, it becomes almost a sort of 'role', like that an actor would play. If you can allow yourself to play that 'role', to approach your job as a 'role', it can be a useful way of dealing with the people you face in that job.

But yes, I think working is a great tool one can use to help overcome some of the SA. Especially if your livelihood depends on it.


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## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

Traci said:


> I know what you mean. Like at work I know how to act and socalize because it's that type of structured enviorment, but throw me at a party with 30 of my peers I'd be running out the door. (Which I've done!)


I understand totally. I'm very comfortable with the people I work with, 'at work'. But I dread office parties months in advance. It's amazing how different people act outside of work, you see and learn things about them you never would have guessed. It makes me nervous because of the unpredictablity element, and brings out my SA pretty bad.


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## wiima (Jan 28, 2009)

Yep, last summer in my job I had to make lots of phone calls and meet lots of people... At first it was kinda difficult, but within the time I pretty much got used to it. I was forced to. 

It was just that in work I could work in a team for the whole day, put when for example some of my friends tried to call me in the evening I was too afraid to answer...


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