# what is it like to live in a dorm with SA?



## epril (Mar 24, 2009)

I'm surprised at how many of you with SA are able to attend college and live on campus. I'd think it'd be easier to live at home and take classes. I'd think living in a dorm would be so uncomfortable that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my studies. So much social stimulation, you can't even be by yourself in your room! How do you do it? How do you cope with so many people and no privacy? 

Do you think it's better for SA people to push themselves to experience the dorm life or better to live at home where there's not that added pressure to be social?


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## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

If at all possible I would reccomend living in a dorm at least once. I would have loved a single room, but that wasn't possible. I lived in a dorm with a roomate my freshman and sophomore year, then earlier this summer as part of a academic program I lived in an on-campus apartment with four other girls for five weeks. 
I only don't live on campus during the year anymore due to a lack of housing space and the cost of it.

Its not that hard to get privacy, know your roomate's schedule and plan around it. Of course if they're social odds are they'll be out a lot. There's clubs and activities you'll likely be doing for fun too. 

Roommates are the luck of the draw, the two I had over the first two years were okay. The first one was slightly annoying as she had her BF over a lot and a lot of chatty friends, but we gave each other space and respected it.
The second one was a lot easier to get along with. Though a few months into the year she had a nervous breakdown and had to leave for several weeks, turned out she was bipolar and slightly depressed. She was getting a lot of misunderstanding from her parents over it, which is similar to what I have gone through with SA - I actually told her about having SAD. We bonded over that and occasionally keep in touch now.

My roomate this summer though - ugh. Her BF was ALWAYS over and a real distraction, he even slept over for a week. So I did a lot of work either in the library or the kitchen table. I got along well with everyone else in the apartment though, my roomate was the only annoying one. At least they left during the weekends.

The library is the best place for studying, even when I was alone in my dorm and the floor was quiet I'd always end up goofing around on my computer and never really getting work done. 

The fact of life is at times you have to be social. And living in a dorm is a good chance for a lot of experiences. I did get labeled as the "quiet girl at the end of the hall" but I didn't mind it. Sure I had some bad experiences with people in my dorm, but I also had some great times I wouldn't trade for anything.


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## delphiki (Jul 22, 2007)

For me, dorm life was a horrid experience. The beginning of the year seemed promising but I was just never able to enjoy myself. I found myself in my room around the clock, barely talking to my roommates, and hiding when it came time for "floor snacks." To make matters worse I lived in a 12'x13' bedroom with two other girls, one of which was quite inconsiderate(to say the least). I couldn't deal with it and it led, partially, to my leaving that school. When I look back on those months I feel a certain level of regret. I do wish I'd forced myself into more uncomfortable situations so I could have at least said I tried. 

I'd recommend trying it at least once because it is one of the easiest ways to make friends on any large campus. Put effort into it, though. If you move in and do what I did, it's going to lead to nothing but bad memories. The best way is probably to go into it thinking, "what's the worst that could happen?" and seeing that a little effort goes a long way.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

I did it for two years and it was good for about the first week of college, the entire rest of the time sucked bad. For me there wasn't really ANY benefit to it. I eventually rented rooms in houses and lived with roommates, which still sucked, but at least I had my own bedroom.

If I had to do it again, I would sign up for one of the special interest areas...there was a drug-free floor, there was a section for computer science students, and there was an international students section (I don't think you had to be international to live there, you just had to sign up). If I lived in any of those places I would have had some common interest. As it was, it seemed like the only common interest anyone had in the dorms was smoking and getting drunk.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I had some good experiences and some bad ones when I was in residence, but I'm glad now that I did it.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

epril said:


> I'm surprised at how many of you with SA are able to attend college and live on campus. I'd think it'd be easier to live at home and take classes. I'd think living in a dorm would be so uncomfortable that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my studies. So much social stimulation, you can't even be by yourself in your room! How do you do it? How do you cope with so many people and no privacy?
> 
> Do you think it's better for SA people to push themselves to experience the dorm life or better to live at home where there's not that added pressure to be social?


I lived in a dorm (or dorm like thing, the year I studied abroad) for all four years. The first year I had a roomie, the rest I had my own room.

Having SA and having a roomie can be hard. It didn't help that mine was uber-social (he was literally the most popular guy in my dorm). When I got my single, though, everything was smooth sailing.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Did it for a year. Wasn't a positive experience; just way too much for someone like me to handle. Not that I suffered much, cause I had a single room, but I stayed holed up in there and never got to know anyone else on my floor. Between the noise/partying and terrible value in terms of cost vs. living conditions (compared to off-campus options in my town), I don't miss it much at all.


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## this portrait (Jul 18, 2009)

It sucks.

Unfortunately, I don't have a choice, because I live too far from home, and I can't afford an off-campus apartment. So I have to deal with living with someone else for every school year.

Last year's roommate wasn't so great. I was under the impression that she didn't like me because of my reserved nature, and we had pretty much _nothing_ in common. I'm hoping that this year I'll be able to get along with my new roommate more than I did with last year's.


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## WayOut (Oct 21, 2008)

It was pretty bad at first. I got a somewhat cool roommate for my first year in college, but I didn't talk to ANYONE else in my hall because I was afraid to go to the lounge and talk to people and stuff. I'm still friends with that roommate. My second year in the dorms is when I improved my SA alot. I still didn't get to know many people in my hall, but I got a job and got to know people from there, and got to know people through the few friends I had.. stuff like that. 

So while it can be hard for someone with SA issues, I think the freedom of living away from home, able to do whatever you want and being forced to experiment socially is VERY IMPORTANT to developing and also finding out who you are. I grew and changed alot in these two years of college and I'm much, much better off now in terms of social anxiety than I was right after high school. There were lots of uncomfortable and depressing times but I would still recommend it over staying at home in your comfortable rut.


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## whatev133 (Aug 9, 2008)

I lived in an intensely claustrophobic dorm room last year with a very social person. It was weird because we had things in common (music, style, etc.), but when it came to personality we were polar opposites. I stayed in the room WAY more and she was always out somewhere hanging out with different people. 

Overall, the dorm experience isn't so bad. It was just bad for me because I'm an art student and I need a lot of space for my supplies and working on projects and a teeny tiny room doesn't allow for that. I also think that this probably contributed to my horrible anxiety troubles...I would often find myself feeling trapped in there and got tension headaches like all the time. 

the worst thing for me was all the drama. when so many girls live together, there's always people talking about each other and being sneaky and two-faced. If you're on the quiet side you have to make sure that others don't take advantage of you.

this coming year, I think it will be a lot better. I'm living in a suite-style with three of my closest friends (whom I met at college). I am living proof that it is possible for someone with SA to make friends at university!


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## Dolly (Jun 6, 2009)

I think it all depends on how severe your SA is. For me, even having a single in the dorm hallway was difficult because I still felt like I was surrounded by people all the time. I struggled with eating in the cafeteria and sometimes just going to the bathroom. This year, I'm hoping to get my own apartment. I feel that will be easier for me, but everyone is different. It's great that many people can manage their SA and live in a dorm.


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## Beacon (Nov 24, 2013)

Living in a dorm was a nightmare for me freshman year. The first couple weeks were great because I knew people from my high school and I managed to keep up with them... for a little while. But once they met people from other cities and I was too frightened to hang out with them, they sort of left me in their dust, and it made me pretty sad, but at the same time, I couldn't blame them for wanting to branch out. It's in the extravert's nature to associate with as many people as possible, but in my little idealistic wonderland mind, all I need are a few friends I can count on. I befriended a guy across the hall from me though, and he was really cool, and we hung out alot, but I think he knew I had pretty severe SA, but I've managed to keep in touch with him which is awesome. weekends were rough though, especially when the couple buddies I had would go home. I would go out and gather as much food as possible and burrow myself in my room, like I was hibernating since I didn't dare go out and eat at the uc or the cafeteria alone. I had some rough experiences with that. Being watched, paranoia that someone is talking about you. I even felt like the employees noticed that I would often eat alone, which was beyond frightening.


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