# Brutal Honesty Please-personal question



## meesha327 (Mar 15, 2007)

I'm thinking the reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm fat. No really I am. I have a really pretty face and once in a blue moon a guy will be attracted to me, but the underlying problem is, well I'm fat. Always have been. I'm around 5'4" or 5'5" and weigh about 164 pounds. While this is in no way grotesque, please tell me would any of you date a girl like that? Just be real, I can take it.......thanks Meesh


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## meesha327 (Mar 15, 2007)

Or maybe it's the shyness here. I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm 22 for god sakes!


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## MsShyKenz (Jul 18, 2008)

Srsly


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Its the norm so it wouldnt hurt to lose some wieght.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

My stats are almost exactly the same as yours, and I've had two bfs and a couple of flings! I suspect there are other reasons for you not having a bf...are you shy around guys?

It's great that you have a pretty face and know it


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm a girl, but, it's probably the shyness! Self confidence goes a very long way. Skinny or fat, if you're shy and don't show confidence it's all gonna end up the same!


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## meesha327 (Mar 15, 2007)

I'm shy around everybody.......ugh


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

meesha327 said:


> I'm shy around everybody.......ugh


I think that's why we are here. :hug


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## Vaapukka (Oct 22, 2008)

There's nothing wrong with 5'5/164.  If you have a pretty face and smile at guys, you should have no trouble finding a mate. 

So I'm sorry to say it's probably the shyness that keeps you back.


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## new shoes (Oct 25, 2008)

just like most everyone who replied, i too am a girl...and i am exactly the same way, except add 50 more lbs.....hahah and it feels sooooo crappy. i know people are attracted to my personality, because i try to be very pleasant and bubbly, but friendship is about as far as it goes. i go to the gym and there's this guy who works there, who my friend is like "oooo he's smiling at u"....but i KNOW it's his job to smile and be pleasant, and plus i just think he can't be attracted to me, not cause i'm big, but also cause when i go to the gym i look like a hot mess. kinda o/t, but that's the thing i hate about having girl friends....we girls always have this innate tendency to tell each other what we wanna hear because we don't wanna hurt each other's feelings, whereas guy friends are blunt which i like...anywho, plus i remember there was a thread about what everyone looks for in a guy/girl, and most guys had the word "fit....in shape....nice body...." in their description.......so in short, that's probably why a lot of guys won't go for either of us, cause we're a bit bigger. but conversely, there are always guys who either go straight for bigger girls, or who personally don't care either way....our time will come soon, most guys now are getting past the immature stage where looks are the main matter...thank goooooodness!!!!!!!!


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

I was friends with a gal who had those stats back when I was still in school. She was maybe a little shorter (around 5' 2"). I remember she had a lot of boyfriends because she was really pretty and very sociable. She was an exchange student from europe but almost every night she'd go to some little party with other students. I don't know how she got any work done but she said she couldn't believe how much time americans spend in front of the tv and how we get anything done and I guess she had a point. Anyway, there are plenty of guys who will date someone pretty even if she is overweight from what I've seen.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I'll be brutally honest, like you asked -- I would probably not date a girl of your size (unless I thought she was really special).

I feel like a jerk for saying this, and I'm being somewhat hypocritical as well, since I'm pretty chubby myself. Thankfully, one's weight is much easier to change than one's face or personality.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I would say that your size probably would deter some people, but not everyone. Being shy also doesn't help, but being shy doesn't help the good looking people on here either so you're pretty much in the same boat as most people on here. I can't tell you how to get it, but having confidence along with a pretty face can go a long way even if you are somewhat overweight.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

Honey- any man that would not date you because you are average size is not worthy of your presense. Real men like curves and only dogs want bones!


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

When I look around I see a lot of women your size who have relationships. A whole bunch of things may limit a person's options, and being a bit overweight is one of those things. I can't see that eliminating every option, though, far from it.

If you're trying to figure out what may be the issue (s), you need to be willing to look beyond your weight. It seems to me that if someone has a trait that can be a disadvantage, they sometimes want to blame all of their woes on that trait. They then fail to look further, and miss opportunities to better understand themselves, and to improve their situation if that's what they want to do.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Believe it or not, I actually prefer thicker women.

That said-

I think it's far more impressive seeing a thicker girl who is working out and eating right than a skinny girl who eats like a slob and doesn't workout.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

meesha327 said:


> I'm thinking the reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm fat. No really I am. I have a really pretty face and once in a blue moon a guy will be attracted to me, but the underlying problem is, well I'm fat. Always have been. I'm around 5'4" or 5'5" and weigh about 164 pounds. While this is in no way grotesque, please tell me would any of you date a girl like that? Just be real, I can take it.......thanks Meesh


You can always lose weight. But what does it really matter anyway?

It's who you are that counts. My best friend g/f is approximately about your size and weight and I'll tell you, my best friend is the luckiest ******* in the world. She's the sweetest girl and treats him right and I always tell him that if he hits on another girl, I'll knock him out because he would be stupid to be with anyone else.


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## sunonthepath (Feb 26, 2009)

meesha327 said:


> I'm thinking the reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm fat. No really I am. I have a really pretty face and once in a blue moon a guy will be attracted to me, but the underlying problem is, well I'm fat. Always have been. I'm around 5'4" or 5'5" and weigh about 164 pounds. While this is in no way grotesque, please tell me would any of you date a girl like that? Just be real, I can take it.......thanks Meesh


Oh, my heart wept when I read your words; sadly there are folk who simply judge on size and shape alone, but there are many more who see who is the person living and breathing inside the flesh. And by the way, you are not grotesque, I would dare say you have a full, feminine figure and there are men who ache for such bodies to enfold them in softness and safety. I am within your ball park and have enjoyed many satisfying relationships; in fact the success of my present one rests on my shape. In me, he has found the woman who will always protect him. So, Meesh, my gut is you are hiding behind your size and that your soul is screaming to let go. Remember you are as beautiful and valuable as you KNOW you are.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I don't think the weight on the scale matters so much, but body composition definitely does. I do have to be somewhat physically attracted to a girl to have a romantic relationship with her and this includes her body, not just the face. 5" 5" 160 something pounds really doesn't sound that bad to me, women are supposed to be a bit softer and have a higher body fat % than men. 

Again, can't really tell just from height and weight numbers. I would like to say yes, I would date a girl this size and be her boyfriend, but it is impossible for me to say based on the numbers alone.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

I don't know. I'm an average male...5'9" and I was 165lb before I started eating more and lifting weights, now I'm about 175lb.

There are a lot of variables in attractiveness. I dated someone who was 5'4" and maybe 160 (???) pounds. I was very attracted to her but frankly I would have been more attracted if she were skinnier. On top of that she was extremely insecure about her body and needed constant reassurance, which really put a strain on the relationship.

I guess if I date someone, the most important variable is whether they're exercising. It's really the #1 most important thing in life when it comes to physical, mental, and emotional health. I didn't start running until I was 20 and I kick myself for not starting earlier. I did exercise sporadically before then, but never consistently enough to actually do anything.

If I dated a girl who never exercised and had a great body, I doubt I'd complain, but I'd know she's setting herself up for a collapse in health a few years down the road.


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## mjatte (Feb 10, 2007)

I am very unattracted to girls who are fat at all...but like someone else said I know lots of girls bigger than you who are in good relationships...


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## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

No, I would not want to date a girl of that height/body weight. You said to be brutally honest so I am. I am unhappy with my own weight (I am 5'7 and 138 pounds, but I have a belly), so I am in no way attracted to someone of that weight. It always bothers me when I see overweight girls with beautiful faces. I do like curves, yeah I like a little meat, but fat...I don't know, it's unattractive.


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## booger (Jan 24, 2009)

i'd date you. i'm more impressed with a beautiful face than a perfect body. and i like women with curves.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

It depends on how you carry it, Would need to see a picture, although that does sound a little heavy for me. 

But I am way to picky anyway, probably why im single.... :|


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## sunonthepath (Feb 26, 2009)

Mountain 5, your message echoes with sincerity and honesty. Good health is paramount to the survival of your body, soul and spirit.


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## sunonthepath (Feb 26, 2009)

*Find any gold yet?*

Booger, pardon my asking, but why do you have no answers? Hard to place a face to nothingness. Just a thought.


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## Prism (Dec 17, 2004)

I'm going to very honest. Guys do not like heavy girls. 164 isn't outrageous or anything like that but I am telling you that if you lose some weight you will receive more attention from men. The reason is two-fold. First, you will become more physically attractive to them. Second, your confidence will most likely rise, and therefore you will be more attractive to them. Guys like confident girls, too!


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## leomouse (Dec 1, 2008)

you should try to lose weight for yourself and it would be much easier to get guys by smiling and being nice too, i had a friend ask me the same thing and i was honest, i think i hurt her feelings...  but if i was a guy i wouldn't date someone who's fat if i can have someone who's in shape and also has a good personality. well my friend eventually did find a guy who loves her although she wasn't attracted to him at first but she's really happy now.
so get some motivation start eating less, exercising at home and then maybe in the gym, maybe get an exercising video, i think those really help to stay motivated and once you get into it the weight should go down.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

I know most guys prefer a girl height/weight proportionate or weigh a little less than that. In my experience a girl who weights 15 pounds over that is the biggest most guys will go and she has to have great personality or exotic and sensual looks (and great skills in bed) to pull it off. 
Chicks like us are better off trying to eat healthy and exercise before we get into relationships....some guys go for thicker chicks but thats maybe 10% or less of the general male population. However, if a guy is really into you and treats you with the respect you deserve, I say go for it no matter what your size.


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## booger (Jan 24, 2009)

sunonthepath said:


> Booger, pardon my asking, but why do you have no answers? Hard to place a face to nothingness. Just a thought.


that's sort of the point.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I'm a male and will throw in my 2 cents. I likely would not be romantically or sexually interested in a girl of the height and weight you listed. I don't feel too guilty saying this because I'm quite unattractive myself (on the other extreme: 5'8" and 125 lbs. with zero muscle mass) and I perfectly understand your desire for honesty over empty, false reassurances.

The thing is, even though I'm quite undesirable to women, I know guys who are much more desirable than myself and prefer thicker women (up to a point, anyway). Therefore, I think it's quite possible that guys of average or better attractiveness could find you desirable, especially if you do have a good face. It's all about personal preference. For a long time, I thought most guys were attracted to essentially the same physical ideal. But lately, after various exchanges with my friends and other guys, I'm finding that to be less and less true. It is true that a lot of men look primarily at physical appearance for the initial attraction to a woman, but _what_ they're looking for physically varies more than some might think.

In summary, I agree with what most have already said: you're probably already attractive to a certain segment of the male population as you are, but losing 10-20 lbs could probably expand your horizons quite a bit too.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

Couldn't care less about measurements. Around this neck of the woods, 5'5"/165 lbs looks like Calista Flockhart anyway.


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

I think your weigh/height ratio might not be the overwhelming majority of guys' thing, but, half of America is overweight, and most people find somebody. You're just barely, technically overweight anyway according to the BMI index. 

As a woman who's into women, I find many women with your weight/height ratio or higher attractive. Sometimes I find the extra weight a positive or negative aspect about a person's appearance, but often it's a neutral one.


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## meesha327 (Mar 15, 2007)

mountain5 said:


> I don't know. I'm an average male...5'9" and I was 165lb before I started eating more and lifting weights, now I'm about 175lb.
> 
> There are a lot of variables in attractiveness. I dated someone who was 5'4" and maybe 160 (???) pounds. I was very attracted to her but frankly I would have been more attracted if she were skinnier. On top of that she was extremely insecure about her body and needed constant reassurance, which really put a strain on the relationship.
> 
> ...


First of all, thanks for all of your honest candid opinions. That's what I wanted and no one hurt my feelings. Like I said, I can take it! So thanks again, this has given me alot to think about. Especially the quote above. I really don't exercise and in the end I think it would make me feel better because I feel sluggish and tired all the time and I know this should be the ultimate motivation, yet I can't help but think if I would be treated differently if I was skinnier (not that I'm treated bad or anything, but you know what I mean) so I think I'm gonna go for 20 pounds weight loss. I need to do it for the right reasons so thanks for listening and if you have any other comments/opinions I would love to hear them!


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

booger said:


> i like women with curves.


Me too.


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

I'm actually the same weight and height as you basically. I think guys don't mind a fat girl if they are fat themselves. Otherwise, I don't know. Maybe if you have a great personality to make up for it. But look at sexy images of women in the media. Are any of them fat? No of course. There must be a reason for that.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

An obese friend of mine found a man that was also overweight and they married, very in love.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Faded Lines said:


> I am unhappy with my own weight (I am 5'7 and 138 pounds, but I have a belly), so I am in no way attracted to someone of that weight.


You don't actually want to lose weight though, do you? The problem is body composition if you have a belly at that height/weight.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

My ex-boyfriend's sister was about 5'9" and weighed (and I am not making this up) upwards of 400 lbs. She also has a horrible personality. She still found a guy to marry her. (He wasn't overweight when they started dating, but he became much more so once they started eating the same food. My ex-boyfriend's whole family ate absolute garbage.)

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I doubt it. You aren't even THAT big judging from your weight. 
Plenty of people way bigger than you are in good relationships. In fact my cousin is a good example. She's probably your height or shorter and shes about 200 pounds I'd say. And she has NEVER had a problem finding a boyfriend. She has a pretty face but she's a bigger girl and she can get anyone she wants! She always gets people who treat her so good too and I've been a lot smaller than her and can't find anyone worth sh!t! 
She's had the same guy now for awhile, theyre getting married and he always buys her expensive stuff. Nobody ever buys me anything


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Personality wins in the long run. You'll be able to find a great guy who loves you for you, no matter what weight.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

meesha327 said:


> I'm thinking the reason I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm fat. No really I am. I have a really pretty face and once in a blue moon a guy will be attracted to me, but the underlying problem is, well I'm fat. Always have been. I'm around 5'4" or 5'5" and weigh about 164 pounds. While this is in no way grotesque, please tell me would any of you date a girl like that? Just be real, I can take it.......thanks Meesh


Just curious.... would you date a fat guy?


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Personally I think way more guys dig thicker/curvy women than will ever admit because doing so without being %100 confident in your statement brings on judgment/teasing like a tidal wave. I think a pretty face, some curves, & confidence will win over most guys, it's a good look on women. If on the other hand you're more in the fatty/obese category then that may be a little repelling. I had a discussion with my older brother & we came to the conclusion the when a gal is slim/fit for her body type that's when they look best give or take a bit. 

Keep your head up & smile, someone will notice


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

I don't think you are fat...you sound more curvy than fat. There are a lot of guys that like that, actually. And you don't even weigh that much, if you went on a dedicated diet you could drop 15-20 pounds in a couple months if you really wanted to, not that you need to.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

You aren't obese either but it doesn't matter I believe that there is someone out there for everyone.


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

That's not really all that much (164lbs.) I don't think that's a reason you don't have a boyfriend.


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## Amande (Feb 5, 2005)

Of course everyone carries weight differently, but just going by your stats my initial reaction is: You are nowhere near fat. Curvy, yes.

I have a feeling a lot of the guys who answered "No, that's too large" don't know what 165 lbs looks like on someone of your height. I've found that to be true of a lot of guys. When they blindly hear a weight they overestimate how large it'll look, but if you show them a picture and ask them to guess, they'll underestimate the weight.

For those guys, I suggest checking out the Illustrated BMI's at the below link for a sense of perspective:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/sets/72157602199008819/

As others have said, there are women 2-3 times your size who find love. It'll happen for you, too. Only change if YOU want to.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

If you are cool with being "FAT" then you're okay cause there's guys out there that love every shape and size. BUT.. if you don't like yourself and the guy does and you find yourself always sucking it in and holding a pillow on your lap when you are sitting on a couch beside him to hide your tummy then you need to lose weight for yourself. I need to lose 10 pounds now myself because I'm uncomofrtable with my midsection even though I don't think most guys care. Just make sure your comfortable with yourself is all I'm saying or they'll get annoyed having to reassure you 24/7.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

DaveM said:


> I think it's far more impressive seeing a thicker girl who is working out and eating right than a skinny girl who eats like a slob and doesn't workout.


Agreed! Nothing is more important than good diet and health. The world is WAY too focused on the idea of "skinny" and "fat" (I work with women and fashion and it absolutely drives me nuts). We wouldn't care about this stuff if we knew how to eat right. Nothing makes me happier than when I meet women who are thick and proud of their bodies because they live a healthy lifestyle.

Being naturally skinny a lot of girls just don't care. And besides, most people will hit a certain age and it's going to go downhill. I personally am thin and have lots of health problems that are kind of catching up with me. And even though people can be considered thin they can still hate their bodies anyway. And that can absolutely deter other people from them. I think we are all stuck in our heads about our bodies no matter what. I had really bad body issues growing up. And it really all comes down to physical health, which in turn helps our mental health.

There is nothing wrong with being bigger, and nothing wrong with being thin either. I hate that there is this dividing line too. People are always judging each other and their selves, and I'm sick of it!

I think a ton of guys prefer thin women, and a ton of guys prefer larger. But really, I think the kind of guy you want is someone who likes you for you. I bet there's lots of guys out there like that too. But I know how shyness can be a big factor.

Sorry, I don't know if I'm helping from a girl's perspective...


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## rusty365 (Mar 15, 2009)

If you look anything like this

__
https://flic.kr/p/1457384857
 then your body weight is NOT an issue. However, if you are so paranoid about it then why don't you lose some weight?


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