# Staring/Glaring at OTHERS = Me creepy, can't seem to stop



## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Weird awkward eye staring thing...I try to force myself to look away but it only makes it worse, like when someone says don't look down up on a high bridge or cliff but you look anyway

I posted about this A LONGGGGGGG time ago, not sure if threads are still around, i think I understand it better but its still one of the major anxiety intensifiers around other people, if I didn't do this I think i would be 90% more comfortable around other people

I DO THIS AROUND EVERYONE

*Example: * went to cousins house to play Guitar Hero 2, its this play station 2 video game...first time to play the game, some of their friends are over and sitting nearby me...i do this strange weird glance out of corner of my eye...like I'm watching the TV screen but also apt on paying attention to looking at the person in my peripheral vision and I CAN TELL they notice i'm doing this because I AM actually paying attention to their eye contact and looking at them out of the corner of my eye WHILE trying to focus on pressing buttons on this video game guitar controller...i'm sweating now/getting warmer because i'm nervous that i'm doing this and trying to not make myself look like i'm nervous or doing anything weird/creepy which only intensifies the experience...this person sitting to my left I think notices it and gets fidgety, he moves backwards, his face is less happy...i'm really nervous now thinking, WHAT AM I DOIGN, JUST STOP SELF, focus on the game, ACT NATURAL, what are you doing? but it only gets worse now...i try to laugh and act normal and keep screwing up on the video game button press sequences...nervously laughing....I now notice he GETS UP and walks out of the room...i continue to play the game and try to act natural like nothing is going on  - i feel like a freak for a few minutes afterwards and i'm back home now...

*Example 2:* this happens all the time at work, i'm portioning out food and if my co-workers are to my left or right i'll put my head down to try to focus on my task but I NOTICE THEM, i know they are around...I force myself to FOCUS on what i'm doing but doing so only give strength to what i'm actually trying to avoid doing....i try to tilt my body away as to not make it look like i'm staring at them...telling myself to stop and focus on the job at hand....i can't

Very strange and awkward like i'm battling myself...It might sound like i'm imagining this but I KNOW for a fact its happening...I AM LITERALLY STARING AT THESE PEOPLE, I JUST AM, i am doing this...people have commented about why I do this before, i've positioned my computer desk so my screen faces the corner as to not have people stand to my left and right...when i had my computer open people would sit to my right and we'd be at eye level side by side and I WOULD STARE at them, they would get fidgety, they would backup and move forward...some people have commented on why I do that before...this is not something i'm imagining

*Why do I think this is happening?* I think my body/me is most afraid of rejection or some type of negative feedback from other people so I'm keeping an eye out for what I fear most...however doing this really makes me nervous and I believe makes others around me who see me doing this uncomfortable because it is strange when you come near someone and you tell they notice you and maybe you can see that they are watching you...its creepy

OLDER THREADS????:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/arc ... tml#528172


----------



## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

I do the same things, it's like I am constantly monitoring my surroundings to see if anyone is looking at me, but I end up being the one looking at them.


----------



## b.real (Dec 31, 2004)

*re: Staring/Glaring at OTHERS = Me creepy, can't seem to sto*

Odd. I mostly avoid checking to see if I'm being stared at for fear that I'll catch someone staring...which of course makes me extremely uncomfortable and often leads to blushing...


----------



## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

*re: Staring/Glaring at OTHERS = Me creepy, can't seem to sto*

Halcyon, I do alot of those things. I'm starting to wonder if I have ADD or just real bad SA(which I just assumed it was). My eyes can never focus on one thing for a long time. If I'm watching a movie with other people in the room it's always a chore to stay focused on the screen. My eyes constantly want to dart left and right over and over. Same thing with making eye contact with people. If I'm talking with someone, I can only look them in the eye for 5 or 6 seconds and then I need to look away. It's just freaky to me. Anyone have any ideas? This is what cause so much anxiety for me and people around me.


----------



## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I do that quite a lot. I'll notice that someone is looking at me weirdly, then a few seconds later I'll realise it's because I've been staring at them for god knows how long.


----------



## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

I experience the exact same thing. I thought I was the only person in the world who had this strange condition, it was intense a few years ago, it has improved a lot now (thankfully) but it still happens occasionally. I would like to talk to you and everyone else suffering from this, on finding ways to resolve this.


----------



## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

I don't like someone staring at me. If I catch them, I keep staring at them until they look away. I don't care how long it takes.


----------



## raegon (Aug 8, 2007)

I've noticed myself doing the very same thing. It gets worse as my anxiety gets worse overall. My theory is it happens because on some level, the people around me are viewed as a kind of threat or challenge to my safety and security. As I've really thought about it, I'm looking to see if they have a reaction to me, whether it be good or bad. The best thing to do for me is to focus on something else if I can or just tell myself that whatever I am doing is more important than checking to see what Joe Anybody is doing in the corner.


----------



## layenrubber (Sep 11, 2007)

I do the same thing where I'm constantly glancing around at people if I'm in a group and once one of them happens to be looking at me I play an awkward game of look at then then look down when they look back, glance back a little bit later to make sure their not looking but of course they are now looking because they noticed I was staring. This always ends with me just looking down till I can get alone away from the group. Its really just pathetic and it seems like theres no way out of this habit.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Is this entirely involuntary? Like a heartbeat?


----------



## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

ardrum said:


> Is this entirely involuntary? Like a heartbeat?


it feels like it now...i'm always on the look out for people in my vision/peripherally...prep cook job i'll be cutting salad or whatever and people coming in and out of the kitchen I have thoughts of trying to say keep focused on doing the job but its like my eyes want to keep an eye out for what i fear most...people

When i'm able to make dialogue with the person i work with i don't have the problem because I suppose I know we're supposed to look at each other its those moments when we're NOT supposed to look at each other and do the job is when I DO IT because I know i'm not supposed to...

Someone mentioned to me its like someone saying DO NOT think of the word polar bear for 1 minute...go...and of course for the entire minute you're in some way thinking about it because you're trying not to so if i let it happen and don't fight it ok...but i don't know its so weird and awkward if I allow myself to do it .....I work tomorrow for the cooking job when i have the urge i could just stop what i'm doing and CREEPILY look at the girl who's preparing whatever in her area and just stare until the urge goes away? :con Its like something out of a horror movie ...she'd then probably glance over and go what are you doing? Uhhhhhhhhhhh Hi....nervously get back to work....NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo..........

I mean there are moments you're not supposed to look - A women with cleavage...focus on the eyes right? FIght the temptation not to look lol :stu


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Boy, do I get this one!!!!
It's weird....the only way I can explain this is that:
(1) we are SO worried, we derealize and forget what we think about
(2) we just study people, but they have no idea what we are thinking - even though we may be thinking about lunch or just trying to get through the moment.
(3) we are just jumpy and paranoid and trying to be hypervigilant.

Anxiety is a NONVERBAL response that EVERYBODY has and will react differently to. It's weird, but it is a fundamental thing that all humans and animals have.


----------



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Halcyon said:


> ardrum said:
> 
> 
> > Is this entirely involuntary? Like a heartbeat?
> ...


You don't have to "give in" to the temptation of staring, but you shouldn't fight the idea that you have an urge to stare. It seems like you've habitualized this reaction as an anxiety-produced defense mechanism to be on the alert for threats.

Breaking the cycle slowly and consistently would likely help to overcome this difficulty. I don't think that telling yourself "Don't think about staring" will help, but you already know that staring won't help either (after all, you've said you keep feeling the urge to stare).

You might want to try the mindfulness technique of paying attention to your breath. This is not "blocking out" anything else, it's merely redirecting your mind. If you find yourself thinking about staring, recognize that ("I'm thinking about staring at _____ .") then return to noticing your breath (in, out, cold air in, warm air out, etc). Over time, if you can behaviorally stop staring in a consistent manner without denying the urging experience, you might find that the urge declines.

You already know that staring doesn't lead to better social outcomes, nor does it remove the urge to stare (it just comes right back or persists, causing prolonged staring). I find it hard to believe that this is as involuntary as one's heart beat, so I think you can make the change, as difficult as it may feel. Good luck!!


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

This is me too. I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

Very strange and awkward like i'm battling myself...It might sound like i'm imagining this but I KNOW for a fact its happening...I AM LITERALLY STARING AT THESE PEOPLE, I JUST AM, i am doing this...people have commented about why I do this before, i've positioned my computer desk so my screen faces the corner as to not have people stand to my left and right...when i had my computer open people would sit to my right and we'd be at eye level side by side and I WOULD STARE at them, they would get fidgety, they would backup and move forward...some people have commented on why I do that before...this is not something i'm imagining

Thank you for this post. Before this I thought that I might be going crazy. But I can totally relate to what you are saying.


----------



## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

ardrum said:


> Halcyon said:
> 
> 
> > ardrum said:
> ...


well i had a friend over tonight and he did sit eye level with me while playing video games there were a few times where I think he noticed it but I tried to be aware of what i was doing and not fight it so much but yeah divert my attention

It never happens when i'm not aware of it but those moments are rare...such as watching a movie/tv show and i'm REALLY engrossed with it i'll forget myself and focus on it or when we were playing video games there were a few moments when we were shooting bad guys in Gears of War that i lost myself and just focused on the game so the eye contact ordeal was not present


----------



## Davido (Oct 27, 2011)

Guys I am suffering from the same problem. 

Whenever i am in class, I see others in corner of my eyes. what you resist, persists...so yes, when I try to think of it, it gets worse..

any solutions to this?

I notice some people wear glass to cover the perpiral vision...HELP


----------



## bcr (Aug 17, 2011)

Davido said:


> Guys I am suffering from the same problem.
> 
> Whenever i am in class, I see others in corner of my eyes. what you resist, persists...so yes, when I try to think of it, it gets worse..
> 
> ...


Thank you for posting again. Last time someone posted was 4 years ago. I have the same problem and I'm also a student in college right now, but it started in high school. It feels like every class is an eternity. I'm just trying to get past the moment. I wish I knew what I looked like so I can stop doing whatever I'm doing. The problem is I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I try to read and keep my head down but i dont want to move my eyes to the edge of the page because someone is sitting to my left or right. I know I make them uncomfortable because they get fidgety like the OP said. Then I observe the rest of the class and see how everyone else is sitting next to each other without a problem. I need help as well. This is a terrible habit that I can't get rid of.


----------



## kaj (Jul 2, 2011)

http://www.facebook.com/groups/OCDstarring/


----------



## wingsofrhythm (Feb 6, 2012)

i'm just uber creepy in every way. i for some reason, monitor everyone's behavior and everything. like you are not alone with the staring issues. but also, as someone who's sort of an art freak, i always kind of study expressions, how their features are/look and just every detail of everything. so yeah.... know you're not the only one with creepy addictions to staring


----------



## mayhem (Nov 22, 2010)

i just stare. i don't care too much on that.


----------



## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Well, if SA involves a fear of negative evaluation from others then we may be unconsciously scanning for signs of this. In the same way we would be staring at a big hairy animal with sharp teeth if it came into view. It is basically the same fear response, just a different stimulus. I found a paper that implicates the serotonin 2C receptor of the amygdala in the fear response and associated behaviour.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006899303033845

Now, I find it paradoxical that this receptor downregulates in response to *ant*agonism as well as agonism. I understand that downregulation is a sort of inbuilt safety mechanism to over-activation but why would they downregulate in response to inhibition. Then when I found this paper I thought that, perhaps, if you are in an environment where there are lots of things to be afraid of then it makes sense to be hypersensitive to fear, therfor, consistent activation of this receptor would cause it to proliferate. Once the activation has decreased then the receptor density would also decrease, making you less sensitive to fear provoking stimuli. So by blocking the receptor, and therfor blocking the fear response, the amygdalae would eventually "desensitise" to fear.

Perhaps...


----------



## brothersport (Dec 3, 2011)

I avoid other's gazes,but if I happen to look up and catch someone staring ill make the most awkward eye contact, before looking away. I'm pretty sure it looks boderline creepy


----------



## Hexakosioihexekontahex (Feb 11, 2012)

There's a rule to staring, you know. 
3 seconds. Then casually turn your head to look away. 

What it says: "yeah, I'm looking at you. Now that I see there's nothing to look at, I'm going to look over there".


----------



## Robert Copeland (Sep 10, 2011)

I have EXACTLY the same problem. Happens when I am stressed out and posted about it here - this mostly happens to me when riding the subway or other enclosed spaces where you mostly have nothing to distract onself and should just "be"  http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/trying-not-too-look-at-people-in-the-subway-144380/


----------



## Robert Copeland (Sep 10, 2011)

Also I am not to sure if this is only Social Anxiety or partly something that would fall under personality disorder. I understand that when you're anxious you get more aware of your surrounding. And that's probably what is happening here - I get anxious and which makes me hyperaware of my surrounding, trying to be on the lookout for potential dangers/attacks in a very subconcious way. I than realize that this is of course unnecessary behaviour and try to ignore it, but you I feel that once your nervoussystem activates itself this way - you can't really stop it that easily. I feel like the whole trying to act normal part is what makes it so awkward


----------



## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I do this i'm wide eyed paranoid scared expecting the next negative response from ppl


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

If I look into someone's eyes, I cannot look away under any circumstance.

That would probably show weakness and that I'm afraid of them.

I don't like making eye contact for this very reason. 

It's all or nothing.


----------



## HarryStanluv25 (Jan 26, 2012)

I cannot for the life of me look at people in the eye- most of the time. If I am aware they are there I try to look away as fast as possible before we make eye-contact. I can't even look at family members in the eye. I always feel like they are watching me. Everyone- the whole world. So I have to look away. I move my head to and fro when someone is talking to me, I cannot look at someone's face when they're talking otherwise I might find myself staring and they'll think it's weird or- I dunno. I have this fascination with expressions and detail when people aren't looking my way. But don't give me a reason to look, please! Can't we just e-mail each other instead?? lol


----------



## kanra (Nov 27, 2011)

T-T I don't consciously realize I'm doing it, but people do get creeped out by me anyway and ask me why I'm staring and comment on it. I'm just anxious, I don't usually stare -- oh yeah. My dad almost said it was creepy too, but stopped in the middle of his sentence...


----------



## neverwanna (Nov 29, 2011)

thank you for posting this...i thought i was the only one. i totaly do this too sometimes and it's horrible.


----------



## Robert Copeland (Sep 10, 2011)

jonny neurotic said:


> Well, if SA involves a fear of negative evaluation from others then we may be unconsciously scanning for signs of this. In the same way we would be staring at a big hairy animal with sharp teeth if it came into view. It is basically the same fear response, just a different stimulus. I found a paper that implicates the serotonin 2C receptor of the amygdala in the fear response and associated behaviour.
> 
> http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006899303033845
> 
> ...


interesting finding. but aren't serotonin antagonists mostly antipsychotics?


----------



## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Robert Copeland said:


> interesting finding. but aren't serotonin antagonists mostly antipsychotics?


Unfortunately, so far, yes. Other than everyone's favourite(lol) opioid tramadol and its metabolite O-desmethyltramadol.

I have been combining the antipsychotic ziprasidone with aMT. It seems to be a good combo but I have not finished with my trials yet...


----------



## Gman12 (Feb 23, 2012)

Guys, you making this really hard on yoruseleves

I am not an american and let me give you simple solutions

1/ there is no such thing as ADD or such labels you give yourselves to divide yourself from others. You are all humans and anxiety or nervousness is sign of treat. 

2/ do you feel treat being in there? ask yourself? and why? 

if the reasoning makes no sense...get angry guys...say ..."Deal with it" 

Act confident guys...ACT ACT ACT until you make it ..don't give up

3/ if you are watching them, simple fix is to learn not to watch them and concentrate on the current action

I know it is hard since you have learned it and it's a bad habit. 

Again, get angry...do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? or you want to be chill and stay on the moment. 

ACT ON IT QUICK! don't doubt yourself...you know who you want to be....

STOP making excuses and dwelling on this little things. Life is meant to be fun for you and your first priority is you? don't worry about people judgements. They may think this or that... so what? What will they do to you? nothing

GET ANGRY BOYS!!! on yourself...don't act sweet and lay your problems...DEAL WITH IT!!

STOP ACTING like a little girl. Dont' talk about it, don't think about it...JUST LIVE IN THE MOMENT! do what you want to be..

if you didn't do it correctly, **** it...move on..do it better next time. you can't go backwards but only forwards! 


GOT IT? 

if you need more help ...MAIL ME HERE


----------



## afunguy24 (Sep 23, 2012)

*A cure for staring!
*
For the love of god, I thought I was alone! I don't have this problem anymore, and I can tell all of you something very important and true. You might not believe it, but it is all in your head! Your actually not staring, it's called a peripheral vision, meaning that you can see what is happening to your right and left, without your eyeballs moving. The reason you think you stare, is because you notice your peripheral vision, which stops you from focusing, and which makes you look at people directly sometimes. I would look at people occasionally, when I thought I stared at them, meaning I would stare at people when I thought i stared, which I didn't to begin with!

If you don't believe me, record yourself with a webcam, and try to look at a point at the screen, while noticing stuff around you, for example a lamp. When you see the recording you will notice that you don't stare "from the side", meaning it's your peripheral vision. I repeat your not staring!!!!! This is very important to understand, it's all in your head! I saw a therapist a year ago, because I just couldn't take it anymore, it changed my life 180 degrees. 
My therapist made one exercise where she would sit next to me, and she would tell me if I stared. I noticed her, and I thought I stared, but she told me I didn't. She told me my eyes didn't wander. It was all in my head. When you get nervous, you begin to notice stuff around you, in your peripheral vision. That doesn't mean you stare, it just makes you more nervous and stops you from focusing!

Simple exercise: Record yourself, and look at a point at the screen, whilst "staring at stuff around you". Trust me, the result will blow your mind! 
I actually asked my friends in the end, if they had noticed me staring at them, and they told me again and again, NO! And these are friends I have known since I was a kid. You can even take your computer, and go to the library or canteen/public place, record yourself, and look at the screen, do your stuff. You will notice stuff around you, but your eyes won't wander! Trust me! You might move your eyes, when you look directly at something, but not when it is in your peripheral vision. After a while you will get more calm, and the anxiety will go away. Record yourself again and again, and notice that your eyes look completely normal. After sometime you won't even notice anymore!

I don't see my therapist anymore, I saw her a couple of times, she worked with cognitive therapy, and I didn't take any prescription drugs. Just by talking to her, and doing some small assignments, it worked.

And if you think that your problem is worse than mine, than get this: I had this problem with thinking I stared at people since I was 16, up until a year ago. I'm now 28, meaning I had the problem for 12 years of my life. Stop wasting your time, and trust me. It is all in your head!

I hope you all the best, and please write back on your experiences, after you record yourself. It will blow your mind!

I will check up on this page once in a while.

Yours sincerely


----------



## mere phantom (Dec 16, 2003)

The peripheral vision thing I can relate to. Over the years its become a bigger issue to me now.


----------



## Mike555 (Nov 26, 2012)

Any cure? what afunguy24 offered, didn't help because i even tried normal, i just tried looking out of the window, barley moved (didn't put my head down) i was standing because bus was full and there was a guy.. he turned to me.. i tried looking out of the window but in same time i stared at the guy with my periphal vision.. after sometime he said "that guy doesn't stop staring" and i tried facing the fear, i tried not reacting but still, people notice it.
what i did is tried not to move, to be un-seen and probably because i didn't move he thought i'm staring and my body language showed negative things which led him thinking im staring and he was right. it's maybe the body language... anyways.. too hard to deal with this problem, i will try this http://www.satipanya.org.uk/audio/G...the Present Moment Developing Equanimity.mp3 and see if it works but if you have any ideas, share.. because it's hell living with it


----------



## bluegc8 (May 17, 2014)

I can kind of relate to this. Like when im at a restuarant i think im always looking around me and staring at people, to see if they are staring at me. But it ends up being me staring at them and then they notice and start staring back and it just becomes really awkward and uncomfortable until 1 of us leaves. When they finally leave its like a huge weight off my shoulders and i can finally relax and enjoy my meal. But the thing is i probably was the 1 that made it uncomfortable in the 1st place.


----------



## 15 feet (Jun 8, 2014)

In my experience livint in a small town people do stare at you.


----------



## Juno1984 (Nov 5, 2013)

I do get paranoid about this sometimes :um I look at people but I definitely don't stare at them. When I leave the bus/train/restaurant/waiting room and think about it, it seems so much worse than it truly was. 

There was a time a couple of years ago when I was so p*ssed off that I couldn't find a certain d.i.y shop and got on the bus home where I caught eye contact for like 2 seconds with a maybe 11yr old girl and she looked so frightened. I don't want people feeling scared of me! Especially children.

I was in a dentist last month and I looked glanced up at an old woman who was leaving and she said "don't look at my face" I just smiled at the others in the waiting room so I didn't feel bothered by it. I'm so glad I didn't sulk all the way home, defend myself or say something negative to her.

To avoid similar incidents, I just keep my eyes closed which has helped me a lot. 

Mostly I might look at other women's dress sense and will probably admire clothes etc. and wonder where they got them.... I'll usually nod or mostly smile if anyone catches me looking at them on the street or it will feel awkward for me - and the other person. 

I think I do this mostly when I'm out alone which is 96% of the time.


----------

