# I'm sick and tired of women ghosting me.



## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Seriously, it's happened too many times in the past few months. I don't understand why women do it. Where the **** is the follow through women? I thought someone's word meant something. Here's a timeline of what has happened in the past few months.

August: While travelling on the subway train, I got hit on by a girl. We talked for like 15-20 mins, then she gave me her number. We set up a date to meet up aaaand she doesn't show up. I don't hear from her again.

December: I started talking to a girl (she lives in new york). Things went from friendly to full on flirtatious within 2 weeks. We talked every day for like 3 weeks. Had a rough plan of me going to nyc in februrary. Then, in mid december, she stops responding to me, unfriends me on fb, and I don't hear from her again. Just...disappeared.

Last week: I got matched with this girl on Tinder. We got along well through text, set up a date last saturday. Hours before the date, she calls and says she's sick and wants to reschedule. So, we talk a bit on sunday, with her saying she'll get back to me regarding when she's available. Of course, as expected, I never hear from her again. (even though I messaged her twice)

I'm at a loss, as to why this has become so common, and why it happens with me so much. All these experiences have seriously turned me off the dating scene. It's a ****ing mess out there.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

You're not doing anything wrong really don't blame yourself or anything. Just try more.......you're doing good. Not every girl will flake on you. I wouldn't lose any sleep over this.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

This has happened to me a few times with men too, it can be frustrating.
I just assume they have taken interest in someone else. I have learned not to take any guy seriously until the words "I like you" come out of his mouth. Those are the guys that, from my experience, stick around.

Try not to let it turn you off, there are lots of people like that out there but it's worth going through some duds if that means eventually you'll find someone you get along well with and wants to stick with you.


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## Xenacat (Oct 20, 2015)

gunner21 said:


> Seriously, it's happened too many times in the past few months. I don't understand why women do it. Where the **** is the follow through women? I thought someone's word meant something. Here's a timeline of what has happened in the past few months.
> 
> August: While travelling on the subway train, I got hit on by a girl. We talked for like 15-20 mins, then she gave me her number. We set up a date to meet up aaaand she doesn't show up. I don't hear from her again.
> 
> ...


The internet is a great place for liars. I can send you a beautiful pic of me from 5 years and 70 lbs when I was single flirt with you online because I am now unattractive to most men and be married with kids. I met a guy from POF on Friday great face pic on POF - meet him in person not at all attractive. I think he is really poor and doesn't have a car. He walked to the place we met. Then he keeps touching me. He is short and has a big gut - just not attractive barely resembles his pic. For me meeting people in person works much better the attraction is there - not the fake pics guys put up. This is the 2nd time I have met someone online and just no attraction. The girl on the train-wow! She sucks but she probably is in a relationship and was attracted and started flirting and lying. I met a guy who is handsome on POF, he seems to always have n excuse not to see me. I'm trying to meet him, maybe he is married. He asked me out and then backed out. I have met people in person the instant chemistry much faster than the online but I meet jerks in clubs. They are what I like then I find out they are cheaters, liars or Get mad at me for something, lol. Dating sucks!


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I haven't even tried to date in years - and I still got ghosted last month by a woman I met at a concert. So I just went and downloaded some public disgrace porn.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@*gunner21*

Basically it's not compatible for many reasons. Without asking them you won't know why they rejected you (some women will tell you, some won't due to they don't want to hurt your feelings). Also sometimes women mentioning no physical or mental connection results in them being verbally abused, so they learn to just stop contacting to avoid the drama.

If they like the look of you (physical connection), talk or chat to you and there is no connection personality wise that turns into liking someone physically they move on (happens with men, women).

Sometimes it's the opposite, where don't feel a physical connection, but like your personality, so try to see if there is a connection there that turns into a physical connection (happens with men, women).

Rejection is part of dating. To avoid rejection as much as possible, look for a partner that looks much like yourself looks wise. If there is connection personality wise, it just happens. If look at compatible couples, you'll notice they look much like each other looks wise and personality wise they are similar (could finish each others sentance).


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Damn, Toronto must have lots of flaky women. I can't understand either how you can schedule a date with someone and then simply not show up. Girl #3 sounds like she didn't have the guts to say she wasn't interested, maybe she wanted to avoid a confrontation. I hope you won't dwell too much on them... just move on to the next :yes


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

momentsunset said:


> This has happened to me a few times with men too, it can be frustrating.
> I just assume they have taken interest in someone else. I have learned not to take any guy seriously until the words "I like you" come out of his mouth. Those are the guys that, from my experience, stick around.
> 
> Try not to let it turn you off, there are lots of people like that out there but it's worth going through some duds if that means eventually you'll find someone you get along well with and wants to stick with you.


So basically, I was their backup choice. They had their first and original plans and if things didn't work for them, I'd be their backup plan.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

ANX1 said:


> If look at compatible couples, you'll notice they look much like each other looks wise


I've noticed this and I actually find it really creepy when I see couples who look so much alike that they could pass as brother and sister. I hope that my future boyfriend will look nothing like me, lol.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

veron said:


> Damn, Toronto must have lots of flaky women. I can't understand either how you can schedule a date with someone and then simply not show up. Girl #3 sounds like she didn't have the guts to say she wasn't interested, maybe she wanted to avoid a confrontation. I hope you won't dwell too much on them... just move on to the next :yes


I don't get it either. If you don't like want to go out, just say so. It'll save a lot of time for both parties.

I think it's because Toronto has a lot of good looking guys too, so women do have A LOT of better options, so yea. That's funny you say that because girl#3 seemed very into me, saying **** like how she's very excited to meet me and how she can't wait, and then just randomly disappears. I don't know, I'm just bitter as **** at the whole dating scene.


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## Xenacat (Oct 20, 2015)

Online dating is full of liars. I was talking to a really hot guy online. He never asked me out. I asked him are you married? He said yes how did you know. Because you don't ask me out.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

veron said:


> I've noticed this and I actually find it really creepy when I see couples who look so much alike that they could pass as brother and sister. I hope that my future boyfriend will look nothing like me, lol.


There are differences like hair colour, clothing style, etc. When look at nose, mouth, eyes, head shape, etc, notice they look the same / similar.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> So basically, I was their backup choice. They had their first and original plans and if things didn't work for them, I'd be their backup plan.


Sometimes women have 2x men on the go at the same time. Some women are honest about it to the people involved, some aren't.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

You get hit on in public? You keep saying you're unattractive. You're not btw because I've seen photos of you and you're conventionally attractive but getting hit on should be evidence.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You get hit on in public? You keep saying you're unattractive.


Yeah, what gives ?

I'm attractive and I never get hit on in public, apart from in public toilets for some reason.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

SFC01 said:


> Yeah, what gives ?
> 
> I'm attractive and I never get hit on in public, apart from in public toilets for some reason.


lol


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

I have no idea why they'd do all this talk the talk but no walk the walk. they're probably afraid of any serious commitment. 

if the roles were reversed, the guy would probably be called a cowardly rat wasting the women's time. seems like it goes both ways.

also I know that I'm pretty attractive and women have noticed me and then it gets back to me that such and such have noticed me, seen me , asked about me to someone else, then it gets back to my ears... but they're never going to do anything about it and I don't know who it was that noticed me.

you might have better luck by using a paid site where you have membership. hopefully paying there means it cuts out the trolls who can troll free on crap like OK Cupid and people looking for return on. investment may be more likely to uphold their end of the bargain.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You get hit on in public? You keep saying you're unattractive. You're not btw because I've seen photos of you and you're conventionally attractive but getting hit on should be evidence.


Yea, it was very weird and very random. Happened while I was riding on the subway. I don't know, is it solid evidence considering the fact that she blew me off on the date?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

gunner21 said:


> Yea, it was very weird and very random. Happened while I was riding on the subway. I don't know, is it solid evidence considering the fact that she blew me off on the date?


Can't really say what put her off, might have just found someone she likes more, doesn't mean you're not also attractive.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

gunner21 said:


> that she blew me off on the date?


you lucky sausage.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

The thing about getting hit on in public is that usually the type of person who does that, probably hits on a lot of other people too.


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## Ung201 (Jan 19, 2017)

I can empathize. I've managed to catch the attention of a few nice girls in the past. I'm fairly good at telling whether or not they find me interesting. I'll approach them, chat with them a bit, get their numbers, text them a bit, agree to meet up with them somewhere safe and public during the day, then . . . boom. A better guy catches their attention, and they abandon me without notice. It makes me feel as if I'm unworthy of a girl's love. I don't even take initiative anymore out of fear of getting hurt.

One thing I can take solace in knowing, though, is that I'm still quite young, and a lot of the girls of my age demographic are still in the experimental stages of their personal lives. A mature, intelligent woman who's worth pursuing will recognize that men have feelings too, and will kindly but sincerely let her date know if she isn't interested in further commitment rather than inconsiderately go AWOL. 

Then again, doing so isn't so easy for many women. Some men don't react healthily to rejection, and may go as far as to assault or even attempt to rape the woman out of anger or desperation. All things considered, flaking is far safer, though still undeniably rude.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

gunner21 said:


> Yea, it was very weird and very random. Happened while I was riding on the subway. I don't know, is it solid evidence considering the fact that she blew me off on the date?


Changed her mind. Woman do that all the time. Maybe talked to her friends and they convinced her that you might be a terrorist or something. Who knows?* La donna è mobile -

*


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

That sucks, but I think you have choices as to how to respond and the only right way imo is to realize it's not your fault, acknowledge, and move on. What else can you do? Acknowledge. Move on.

Having said that I wouldn't take any woman too seriously if I had only talked to her for a little while. Especially if we had just met. I just wouldn't expect there to be much of a level of trust there (her trusting me or me trusting her) if we'd just met. And yes, I realize it's just a date, how much trust do you really need to have?? I get that. But....if she flaked out on you then she probably'had other deeper relationships / friendships that she was pursuing, instead of with you. And that's not your fault, it's no one's "fault". It's just....from the meetings with the women you described, it doesn't seem like you knew each other all that well. Maybe they (all three of them) decided to date men they knew a lot better than you....it's very possible. Doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

I've been told that I don't pursue enough, I'm not aggressive enough and I miss hints, openings from women sometimes. Go figure. It's a part of having SA I guess. (there are people who are probably laughing at me for that, on this very forum, who suffer from the same disorders....whatever). I'm not suggesting you have this mentality....I don't know you near well enough to make any kind of assumptions....but to the other extreme some guys seem to think they have a date or a relationship locked in waaay, way before I would. I don't think there is any such thing as a sure thing. Well.....aside from a ONS maybe lol. But she's not dating you, imo, until the second date is over with, has gone well, and says she wants a third one. Until then, nahhh. Don't fool yourself.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

komorikun said:


> The thing about getting hit on in public is that usually the type of person who does that, probably hits on a lot of other people too.


I can confirm that.


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## RagnarLothbrok (Dec 16, 2016)

This is the thing I dislike most about 'dating'; if they could just flat out reject you and give you a reason, it's fine because you're not left in the lurch. You can recognise that you weren't compatible with that person, accept it and move on. If it's online dating it's sort of expected that flaking happens and I don't feel so bad about it- there's not that close connection.


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## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You get hit on in public? You keep saying you're unattractive. You're not btw because I've seen photos of you and you're conventionally attractive but getting hit on should be evidence.


I guess they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I don't think I am that attractive but I project negativity which really doesn't help my cause. As a guy, attractiveness is not as important as some type of magnetic personality that draws people in, which I don't have unfortunately. As a female, physical appearance matters more because traditionally as far as dating, women were the one's that sit back and wait for the guy to approach them. I think for women, looking cute and being bubbly and silly is more effective than getting into long philosophical discussions, with all respect.

But I would never look that far into why a woman disappears, it sucks but there could be so many factors in play. It does suck when women just set plans to meet me and I never even get a text "sorry I couldn't make it" I got stood up last month and got dressed up shaved showered and I just move on to the next girl, you can't obsess over that kind of thing


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

You're too cool for them.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I'm sorry it happens to you, I understand that it must be painful for you to constantly experience this and for women to never give you a chance. 

I think it's especially painful if you get ghosted without ever being given a chance. 

I hope you do find success someday


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> So basically, I was their backup choice. They had their first and original plans and if things didn't work for them, I'd be their backup plan.


Exactly. One of the backups. You always want to have plenty of options and that's what they were doing. What are you going to do if things don't work out with this one guy/girl? Don't you need at least a couple of options to fall back on?


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> Exactly. One of the backups. You always want to have plenty of options and that's what they were doing. What are you going to do if things don't work out with this one guy/girl? Don't you need at least a couple of options to fall back on?


You are assuming that having backup people is as easy for average guys as it is for average girls.
Average guys generally don't have orbiters to fall back on.
The take away for guys here: don't be an orbiter.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Aribeth said:


> Exactly. One of the backups. You always want to have plenty of options and that's what they were doing. What are you going to do if things don't work out with this one guy/girl? Don't you need at least a couple of options to fall back on?


I mean, I get I guess. If I was in that situation, I might do the same. Who knows. But I'm not attractive enough to have even a primary, let alone a backup.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

gunner21 said:


> I mean, I get I guess. If I was in that situation, I might do the same. Who knows. But I'm not attractive enough to have even a primary, let alone a backup.


Yeah right. Dude you're like a 10/10 for me. Your problem is definitely not in the looks department.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

gunner21 said:


> Seriously, it's happened too many times in the past few months. I don't understand why women do it. Where the **** is the follow through women? I thought someone's word meant something. Here's a timeline of what has happened in the past few months.
> 
> August: While travelling on the subway train, I got hit on by a girl. We talked for like 15-20 mins, then she gave me her number. We set up a date to meet up aaaand she doesn't show up. I don't hear from her again.
> 
> ...


 If these are mostly women you're meeting other places (besides here) and it is not that hard to find your posts on here I would at least consider that a possibility.

IMO, if you're really serious about dating someone, you probably shouldn't let them put you off until later. If it's not "let's go for a drink" or something right then it is fairly likely they have doubts or misgivings. Even if they have a plausible excuse.

So if you meet someone and you like them, ask them out right away and ask them about "right now" and just see what they say. If they put you off, don't waste your time.


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## OtterlyAbsurd (Jan 25, 2017)

Stegosuarez said:


> Then again, doing so isn't so easy for many women. Some men don't react healthily to rejection, and may go as far as to assault or even attempt to rape the woman out of anger or desperation. All things considered, flaking is far safer, though still undeniably rude.


This is unfortunate but true. A (hopefully very small) percentage of guys react terribly to rejection and those stories tend to spread, leading to women thinking it's safer to just disappear and hope the guy gets the message rather than opening themselves up to being verbally or physically attacked. They ruin it for pretty much everyone else, both the women who would otherwise feel comfortable enough letting guys down gently and the guys who would never react in that way, because unfortunately the guys who _do_ react like that don't come with warning labels.

I'm sorry it's happened to you so many times, OP. That sucks. Fingers crossed it'll hopefully work out better for you next time.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

have you tried this dating website here?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

rdrr said:


> have you tried this dating website here?


wot?


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

@gunner21 I think they mean meeting someone here. SAS has multifaceted uses: advice,venting outlet, conflict, feeling 'social', making friends, explicit love finding


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## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

well too early to say, because girls can change their mind or lose interest, or anyone can, but i'm tired of getting first dates that don't result in second dates or girls flaking on me


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Oh ghosting is the term ey? Yeah, same here, I am also ghosted several times. They lose interest so fast if you don't keep entertaining them or accept their sex offers. Do you entertain your women with money and sex?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

SwtSurrender said:


> Oh ghosting is the term ey? Yeah, same here, I am also ghosted several times. They lose interest so fast if you don't keep entertaining them or accept their sex offers. Do you entertain your women with money and sex?


Lol! It never gets that far.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Lol! It never gets that far.


Me neither, so maybe if we both have sex with them then they will stay longer.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

SwtSurrender said:


> Me neither, so maybe if we both have sex with them then they will stay longer.


Did you read the thread? It doesn't even get to the point of me meeting them, let alone sex.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Did you read the thread? It doesn't even get to the point of me meeting them, let alone sex.


Wow, how insulting, yes I read your SH!T, oh sorry, I thought you met them. Wow, well I was able to meet with mine but then they ghosted, also they cancel and make up excuses for further cancellations, but I did meet with mine.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Or it could be that you don't message them back desperately when they haven't texted you back for 1 month. I don't text them either, maybe that's why we never do stuff anymore, I should act desperate and text them and call them so I can say at least I tried. I think it's easier for people to keep friends when they have something to give them all the time like sharing marijuana, OR SOMETHING! I am not looking for dating OP, I am looking for friends, but they ghost on me.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

gunner21 said:


> Seriously, it's happened too many times in the past few months. I don't understand why women do it. Where the **** is the follow through women? I thought someone's word meant something. Here's a timeline of what has happened in the past few months.
> 
> August: While travelling on the subway train, I got hit on by a girl. We talked for like 15-20 mins, then she gave me her number. We set up a date to meet up aaaand she doesn't show up. I don't hear from her again.
> 
> ...


do you ever wonder if maybe you're doing something to cause these women to ghost you


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

regimes said:


> do you ever wonder if maybe you're doing something to cause these women to ghost you


Well yea, I'm not attractive enough for them.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

gunner21 said:


> Well yea, I'm not attractive enough for them.


or maybe.. it's in your behavior..?

this happens and you don't even seem to atleast wonder if you might have done something to deter them
only that they're awful for doing it or they have standards that are too high

that sets off a red flag for me tbh


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

regimes said:


> or maybe.. it's in your behavior..?
> 
> this happens and you don't even seem to atleast wonder if you might have done something to deter them
> only that they're awful for doing it or they have standards that are too high
> ...


Please tell what it is about my behavior then? Because I couldn't find anything.

Ghosting is a well documented phenomenon that happens in the dating world, with the most common reason being "they found someone better" i.e.: it has nothing to do with the person being ghosted upon.

I did wonder btw, I literally just said perhaps I'm not attractive enough to hold their interest. Maybe I'm not witty enough or charming enough. That's the thing with dating; everything is so vague and twisted, it's impossible to get straight answers or any answers at all.

Ghosting is awful and people should be **** on for doing so. I never once said anything about their standards being too high, but nice job assuming.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

gunner21 said:


> Please tell what it is about my behavior then? Because I couldn't find anything.
> 
> Ghosting is a well documented phenomenon that happens in the dating world, with the most common reason being "they found someone better" i.e.: it has nothing to do with the person being ghosted upon.
> 
> ...


That's practically what dating underneath is all about. It's about a big question: Do you have the social skills and social intelligence to navigate dating? Dating inherently comes with frustration, setbacks, and anxiety. It is pointless without these qualities. Like others have said, your looks are not the problem.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

jeanny said:


> You're a perv.


uwotm8?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

jeanny said:


> That's why they 'ghosted' you. My guess.


So you're just going to namecall like that without any shred of evidence and on pure speculation? Cool, good to know.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

jeanny said:


> Wait, you're the guy who posted a 'Merry Christmas' thread with a pic of some hoe with bouncing tits dressed like Santa? Right?


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

jeanny said:


> Don't you ghost on me.
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f24/merry-christmas-1692089/


Oh man, I don't even remember what I had for supper 3 days ago, let alone a post a year and a half ago. Anyway, what's your point?


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

What's her problem jeez :no
Don't listen to her, honey.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

jeanny said:


> Horn dogs are good for boosting your confidence, but not many girls want to date them. Tell me, if you remember, did you give them sexual compliments and acted...well, pervy around them?


Do you really think it's reasonable to accuse me of being a "horn dog" based on a random gif I posted without much thought? I mean, by that logic anyone who has seen a scantily clad woman is a "horn dog"

Anyway, what makes you think I would talk to them like I talk online? There were no sexually suggestive or pervy remarks. They never got to know me. We didn't even get to that stage.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

gunner21 said:


> Do you really think it's reasonable to accuse me of being a "horn dog" based on a random gif I posted without much thought? I mean, by that logic anyone who has seen a scantily clad woman is a "horn dog"
> 
> Anyway, what makes you think I would talk to them like I talk online? There were no sexually suggestive or pervy remarks. They never got to know me. We didn't even get to that stage.


You're getting trolled bud. That's a common troll tactic I see all the time against guys. It's typical behavior from the "temporarily fat' chicks who can't get any interest from men. Don't get drawn into it. Just reply with something like this:


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