# My dad is becoming unbearable



## Brilliantly Beta (Aug 5, 2012)

Usually I have a greatish relationship with my dad, he has a wicked sense of humour and always looks to make me laugh. I didn't really get the same interaction though that my two older brothers got growing up, which is hard. He says it's because he was getting on in age and found it harder to interact with me. It makes me sad I can't reminisce in the same way.

Occasionally he has these moments where he just becomes really cold, critical and generally unpleasant to be around.

He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and an under active thyroid which I should imagine takes its toll on his body and mind. My mum doesn't help the situation though. She has anger issues and flies off the handle at every little thing.

My dad won't even try and defend himself or us, even when my mum is in the wrong. She could have upset him and me then when I try and confide in him he just looks really put out and gets in a huff and says oh I don't want to hear it. This leaves me feeling isolated and with no confidence to stand up for myself.

As a result of my mums behaviour he eventually was driven to anti depressants and seemed like his old self again. Recently however, my grandfather has suffered a stroke and my dad come off the anti depressants. 

Now I literally can't say or do anything without him taking everything out on me. It's been incredibly hard on the whole family and we all need each other but it is like he pushing everyone away.

I am trying to be there for my dad but it's heartbreaking because this is reminding us that family is so important and sometimes I feel like I'm losing my immediate family.

I go off to university in September and it feels like I'm leaving behind a mum that's always angry with me and a dad that really doesn't have no time for me no more. 

I just feel a tiny bit afraid.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Another_Survivor said:


> I just feel a tiny bit afraid.


Yea my dad is completely cut-off from his emotions, I live in an apt about 10 minute walk from him, he maybe calls me 4 or 5 times a year to ask how I am doing for 5 minutes, I do go to some games or watch games with him maybe 6 or 7 times a year, but I initiate all of it.

I have confronted him on everything, I told him, "you barely call me to even ask how I am doing" and "the average conversation is 5 min" he then says, "I'm really sorry" but nothing changes. He always basically favored my sister and screamed at me. My sister got married and he treats my sister's husband who he barely sees once a year 10 times better than me, laughs with him, talks to him and seems to literally care more about him than me.

I also have the thing where, sometimes I just ask him a simple question, and out of the blue, he would scream at me. Something he never did with my sister.

I am in my 30's now but the best thing we probably did was realize that we were or are not being treated fairly. At least now there is more of a chance of correcting it, if not with our parents, getting closure with ourselves...

I dunno I guess distance yourself or work things out, in my case, I have no idea really, life sucks it could be worse I could have life in jail, wrongfully accused or for selling 2 ounces of weed... you know to put it in perspective.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

Here's another side. I'm a lot like your dad. I can get pretty cold and anti social at time. I can even run from my family at times. Not my best times but it's hard to control.

I sorry that your dad has to live with your mothers angry. That got to be ruff. Any way to get her on meds to slow down the angry. Rheumatoid Arthritis can effect your body in a lot of ways. You can also have good days and real bad days with it. I think that he taking what your mom gives him and putting it on you. Any way to go out with him and you and to leave your mother at home?


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## Lifegoeson20 (Nov 23, 2012)

Atleast you can say your relationship with your dad is "greatish". My relationship with my dad is non-existent, never shook his hand or gave him a hug. I try to be friendly with my dad but he always does something that makes me hate him again. I always try to be sympathetic to him because he obviously lived with SA all his life and I know what he's going through, but my hate for him is too much.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

My father used to hit me and my bro, he'd especially beat me for crying too much and not shutting the hell up. I was hella young so whatever. Now I can't seem to cry anymore unless it's serious stuff, as in mother dying in hospital bad....


Anywho don't really care for reconnecting with my dear ole' dad, he squandered the family fortune gambling and my parents separated soon after when my mother found out he lied about putting away a college fund for his kids, nope he stole all that money for himself, may he rot in hell. Fast forward ten years I get stupid messages once in awhile or my brother relays a message via phone about still loving us and hopes we're doing well yet that's about it. My father is stupid in the sense when it comes to looking out for family, yet I'm fairly certain he can put two and two together and knows damn sure that his own flesh and blood despise him and as far as his legacy goes, well lets just say the family tree will end here, as it should, to hell with this whole messed up family, I do feel sorry for my mother's side but hey at least our cousins have normal lives. 

I guess what I'm trying to say that your dad still loves you cause he's still around. Makes some effort to at least be in your vicinity, if he didn't he'd wander off and start a new life with some younger woman, meh.


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