# How does on reconnect with friends after isolating away like an idiot?



## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

I've posted this before in other (less positive sub forums) and didn't get much constructive advice.


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## Greenleaf62 (Aug 1, 2013)

I'd say maybe just try to reach out to them again. Pick a friend and send them a text, e-mail, Facebook message, or whatever. You can say something simple like "Hey, how have you been?" and then you can work your way up to asking them about getting together sometime. Even if you've isolated yourself from them they will probably be glad to hear from you again.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

Greenleaf62 said:


> I'd say maybe just try to reach out to them again. Pick a friend and send them a text, e-mail, Facebook message, or whatever. You can say something simple like "Hey, how have you been?" and then you can work your way up to asking them about getting together sometime. Even if you've isolated yourself from them they will probably be glad to hear from you again.


Appreciate the advice.thing is I never really used Facebook.it'd be kind of weird to start all of a sudden at 27 in 2013


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## Sad Larry (Jul 16, 2013)

Invite them out to dinner, remind them of all the good times you had together, make them laugh and feel comfortable around you, also in an indirect way, make them think you have a succesful life and had lots of people around you but theyre nothing like what they are and you just miss the good old days.


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## tigertabby (Aug 7, 2013)

No idea.


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## Fear Goggles (Dec 18, 2011)

fallingdownonmyface said:


> Appreciate the advice.thing is I never really used Facebook.it'd be kind of weird to start all of a sudden at 27 in 2013


There's nothing weird about setting up a facebook account at the age of 27. People understand the aversion to social networking. It's not difficult to see the implicit negative aspects of maintaining a public online presence viewable to anyone. I believe anyone with any substance has mixed feelings about facebook. The idea of projecting an idealised and edited version of yourself to the world would make anyone uncomfortable (I'd hope...).

You'd merely need to post something like, "Oh, I finally gave in and made one of these things, it sucks that facebook has become a requirement in this modern age". Then just work from there. Add people you want to talk to. Send them messages like, "Hey, haven't spoken to you in a while, how's it going?"

If you're concerned about not having many "facebook friends" and being judged for it (although there's no rationale for it), I believe there's still an option to hide that information from the public. Someone might be able to confirm this for me.


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## Social Anxiety Institute (May 15, 2013)

Hi,

I agree with Fear Goggles. There's absolutely nothing weird about starting a Fbook account at any time and at any age. I have plenty of friends who still aren't on Fbook because they don't want to be, and that's cool. I got on Fbook later, after not wanting to be on social media platforms. I only got on Fbook because so much stuff related to grad school was happening there and it was a way to communicate more effectively with classmates. No big deal.

You don't need to be on Fbook to get back in contact with people necessarily. 

Also, I challenge the idea that you've been wasting away like an idiot. You're not an idiot. You've been dealing with social anxiety like many of us. You may wish things had turned out differently, that you weren't wasting time. But, you've been suffering with extreme anxiety. That's a real thing! That's a real challenge. That doesn't make you an idiot. It makes you a lot like everyone who is dealing with social anxiety, or like anyone who is dealing with a problem in life. 

Now, you are dealing with that problem in a constructive way - trying to reach out, working against the anxiety. That's a good thing to do, and you have every right to do that. I bet your friends would be happy to hear from you again, to reconnect. Perhaps they'd be relieved to hear from you and offer support in your continued progress. 

Simple beginnings are fine. Say hello to an old buddy and ask how they've been doing. People do that all the time. You're allowed to do that too. It also shows that you care about their lives and are checking in. It's a two way street.

People may also be busy and bad about replying in this day and age. How many times have we all gotten back to an email later than we hoped. So reaching out to people is great. Don't get down on yourself if you don't hear back immediately. You have no idea if the person sees the message or if they're a bit busy. At least you tried. I often email my friends and get replies much later that they are glad to hear from me and life has just been really busy for them. No big deal. We catch up a bit by email, talk on the phone, sometimes go out for food once in a few months.

When we are struggling in life, it's often the case we struggle alone. We don't reach out when reaching out is something that could help us. Open up the possibility that reaching out can be good and it's a good thing to do. 

Take care,
Matt


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