# Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortable?



## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Guys, do you get the feeling of when trying to talk to a girl, that you are making them feel uncomfortable? … especially when it is fairly obvious that you are interested in them? Whenever I talk to a girl, especially someone I am just meeting for the first time, I always have the internal feeling that I am making them uncomfortable – that they think I am trying to get really “friendly” with them for the purpose of eventually asking them out. This feeling becomes even more so if they don’t respond back with the same amount of enthusiasm and friendliness that I put out to them. For example, because of my SA, I don’t go out to clubs or whatever and (for a lack of a better term) “cruise for girls”. The only girls I meet and talk to are at my work. The few times I talk to these girls, I always get the feeling they are not as enthusiastic to talk to me as I am of talking to them. I usually do more talking to them than they do to me … and I’M the one with the SA! lol. And this is even more evident if I am talking to them for the first time. 

I don’t know if it is just in my head that I think girls feel uncomfortable when a guy tries to talk to them (especially for the first time or the first few times) or if it is really true. Maybe it’s just a lack of confidence on my part. I don’t know. However, it’s a big problem for me because I am much more concerned about making a girl feel uncomfortable than I am about being rejected in some way.

So, guys, do you have the same feeling I do that you worry about making a girl feel uncomfortable by trying to talk to her? … Especially someone you’ve never talked to before? Or am I about the only one that feels this way? 

And for the girls, am I just imagining things? Am I off-base in believing that you get uncomfortable when a guy tries to strike up a conversation with you? Now that I think of it, it’s probably best not to ask this question in a SA forum, for obvious reasons. lol. However, I’m still interested in any responses to it.

Lifetimer


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## Dudleyville (Mar 25, 2007)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

Your not alone, I feel the same way. I have never met any women who didn't look like they were uncomfortable when I struck up a conversation with them. That's why I have been approaching females less and less lately. I can usually tell when a woman has that look on her face that says she wants to be as far away from my presence as possible.


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## GaSS PaNiCC (Mar 27, 2007)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

i dont see a problem if im not harming them. everyone is attracted to someone, and if im presenting myself in a proper and caring manner i dont see how i could make them uncomfortable. If they are, well then they aren't worth my time if i am not appreciated. same should go for you, i woudnt spend your time worrying about this, if one doesn't like you, move on theres bound to be plenty out there who will like you for who you are!


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

Yeah it's either that or a conversation with all this sexual tension in the air, there is like no in between when talking to a girl in real life. Of course that sexual tension is probably my imagination. But either way, talking to a girl is the most uncomfortable experience.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

The only place I ever talk to girls is at work, and they all pretty much avoid me. So yeah I guess I make them uncomfortable or something. I don't know. I don't understand women at all.


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## barnabas (Apr 24, 2007)

*Re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*



Lifetimer said:


> And for the girls, am I just imagining things? Am I off-base in believing that you get uncomfortable when a guy tries to strike up a conversation with you? Now that I think of it, it's probably best not to ask this question in a SA forum, for obvious reasons. lol. However, I'm still interested in any responses to it.


The only time I feel uncomfortable when a guy talks to me is when I find him attractive. Of course, I also know any guy who's befriending me because he wants to get even closer to me must be either blind or desperate. That must be why I rarely feel self-conscious when it comes to talking to guys. :b


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

I also wouldn't like making girls feel uncomfortable but I've never "approached" a woman I didn't know to talk in a friendly way so I don't know how I would feel in such a circumstance.

Why do girls seem to be uncomfortable and don't speak in such circumstances? Perhaps it's because they don't want to have anything to do with the guy and want to minimize their interaction and not lead him on so they don't have to hurt the guy's feelings when they tell him they want him to in essence get lost. Or perhaps they're just being careful; if a woman is approached by a stranger in a club or bar they don't know what his intentions are, whether he's a creep or just a nice guy wanting to chat.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I get very afraid of making girls uncomfortable. I'm always under the impression that women are "sick" of being hit on by guys. Since in our society, women are generally passive and men active in relationships, I get the feeling that women get approached by random guys and acquaintances for dates all the time and have gotten somewhat wary of being too friendly with single guys. When I talk to most women, I have an aura of anxiety and fear of their judgment, which causes them to be uncomfortable, and that's why I have very few female friends.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

I agree that most women are sick of being hit on and that's why so many women seem so icy and unapproachable in public. I can tell that a lot of women go out of their way not to look at any guys for fear of giving off some kind of unintentional signal. On the bus especially women just seem to stare ahead and not look at anyone. It's completely understandable. One girl who is very attractive regularly rides my bus and she doesn't look at anyone but just talks on her phone or reads. She also wears a wedding band and, while she's probably married, she could also wear it so guys will believe she's taken because I'm sure she gets hit on regularly considering that she's so good looking.

Do you guys believe that women also feel uncomfortable with talking to guys online at dating sites and such? Perhaps that's why so many guys complain of women not sending replies and not seeming as enthusiastic as they are to communicate.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



IcedOver said:


> Do you guys believe that women also feel uncomfortable with talking to guys online at dating sites and such? Perhaps that's why so many guys complain of women not sending replies and not seeming as enthusiastic as they are to communicate.


Most women don't have to resort to dating sites since they can usually find dates on their own (though they may not be happy with them!), so the male-to-female ratio on dating sites is usually very high. And since guys are almost always the ones to take the active role, women's inboxes are bombarded with messages from guys, so they have to sift through all the potential suitors for one they like the best. That's probably why guys complain of women not sending replies or not being enthusiastic.

I think most women put up their guard when talking with strangers that are male, since there are so many male social-deviants ("weirdos") compared to female ones in the world.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



vicente said:


> I think most women put up their guard when talking with strangers that are male, since there are so many male social-deviants ("weirdos") compared to female ones in the world.


Oh yeah, no question about it. Especially when we are bombarded almost every day by reports of abductions, a woman is completely justified in putting up her guard.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

vicente said:


> I get very afraid of making girls uncomfortable. I'm always under the impression that women are "sick" of being hit on by guys.


Yes, that explains my thinking. I'm assuming women are getting hit on by guys all the time and the'yre tired of it. That's why I automatically think they become uncomfortable when I (or any guy) try to talk to them. I don't know if it is actually true or not whether they become uncomfortable, but that is what I've been assuming. There are many attractive girls I would like to talk to but I have this fear of them thinking, "Oh no, not another guy trying to hit on me!" And when I say I would like to talk to them, many times it means just that. I don't necessarily plan to get a relationship going with every girl I talk to ... I just want the experience of being able to talk to a pretty girl (or any girl for that matter) and to gain confidence from it. It would feel good and do me good to know a girl would enjoy having a conversation with me.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it has become a problem for me because it makes it hard for me to talk to women. I'm not afraid of any type of rejection as much as I am afraid of making the women uncomfortable and making them think I'm just another guy trying to hit on them. I'm always thinking a woman is going to put up her guard whenever I try to have a conversation with her. As I've said, I don't know if it is true or not, but its a feeling I have that makes it hard for me to really talk to and connect with a woman. And it certainly doesn't help when I'm enthusiastic and friendly, but the woman doesn't respond back the same way. The conversation shouldn't be one-sided. It would be nice if the women I talk to would say at least a little more to me than just basically answer "yes" or "no" to my questions. Why can't these women also ask ME questions in "our" conversation? :con

Is it true ladies ... in that you have many guys hitting on you and therefore put up your guard whenever a guy wants to have a conversation with you? Or do you instead have no problem when a guy wants to have a conversation with you?

Lifetimer


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Yes - that's why I don't talk to them.


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## nothing_to_say (Nov 21, 2006)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

I don't talk to women, I wouldn't know how. 
Even talking to shop assistants, they sometimes appear grossed out or disgusted with me.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Sometimes I get that impression from girls. It's really hard for me to tell if someone is okay communicating with despite that I am not very good at it. Though more often than not I'll assume the other person wishes to move on and I'll let them go.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



IcedOver said:


> Do you guys believe that women also feel uncomfortable with talking to guys online at dating sites and such? Perhaps that's why so many guys complain of women not sending replies and not seeming as enthusiastic as they are to communicate.


Every girl I talked to online even ones who didn't post pictures and had really bad profiles told me they have been messaged by tons of guys. Girls have to be selective because they are the ones being contacted all the time. If you already received lots of attention from guys in person and then also joined a dating site and every week got contacted by several people wouldn't you too ignore the people who didn't right away stand out?


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

*Re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*



> And for the girls, am I just imagining things? Am I off-base in believing that you get uncomfortable when a guy tries to strike up a conversation with you?


Coming from me, this information is probably not applicable to many others...

It doesn't make me uncomfortable when that happens.

Oh wait. It never really happens.

Well, seriously... okay, let me think back - in the past when it's happened (rarely), no, it didn't make me uncomfortable.

But that could be at least partly because I know that guys aren't exactly going to be interested in the likes of me.

Now, there was ONE time that I was uncomfortable. I don't want to make this post too long, but even I eventually realized that he was coming on to me (amidst my great confusion and disorientation, which persists to this day -- because that sort of thing NEVER happens/happened to me!!). Even if I couldn't have told before, it became blatantly obvious when he tried to kiss me. So he wasn't just making fun of me. (He wasn't even blind, so don't ask me to explain it.)

Anyway, you're probably okay there. :lol

In sum:

* I was not uncomfortable in these situations.

* Actually... I treasured those times... :blush

* Why would I be uncomfortable anyway - not only were they not coming on to me... they couldn't possibly WANT to :afr

*The only time I was uncomfortable at all was when some man was obviously coming on to me. (Bilingually! And I don't like coffee! :b )


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I get uncomfortable when _anyone_ speaks to me, not exclusively men, simply because of social anxiety. I can see why attractive elite of my sex might not like being approached by men, but I don't see why the average woman would be too uncomfortable. Maybe I'm naive, or just hopeful, but I assume that the average woman isn't _bombarded_ on the streets by men every day. Therefore, a guy politely coming up to a girl in a public setting would probably not be too off-putting.

But what do I know? I could walk through a prison in a tight mini skirt, carrying a bucket of fried chicken in one hand and a case of porn magazines in the other, and _still_ manage to not get hit on.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Maybe if you add a bucket of mashed potatos to that ensemble you might get some action. :lol

This subject is a sore one with me. I tend to be overly enthusiastic when approaching a woman I'm attracted to, so it doesn't go well. So I usually have to go a long time in between r'ships. But lately I've learned that I'm expanding my definition of what attractive is (not lowering my expectations). But realizing that a woman's character is much sexier than dime-a-dozen TnA. This I hope will change my overly enthusiastic approach. And push me to be more interesting too.


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## segeta (Jun 1, 2005)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



IcedOver said:


> I agree that most women are sick of being hit on and that's why so many women seem so icy and unapproachable in public. I can tell that a lot of women go out of their way not to look at any guys for fear of giving off some kind of unintentional signal.


Bingo. This is why I don't bother speaking to women in real life, as they universally have this attitude, an attitude of disdain more than anything else.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

This week when I was working out at the exercise machines there were only two machines left, between a man and a woman. I immediately took the one closest to the man because I was afraid that if I take the one next to the woman, she will think I'm a creep out to rape and kill her.


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## segeta (Jun 1, 2005)

vicente said:


> This week when I was working out at the exercise machines there were only two machines left, between a man and a woman. I immediately took the one closest to the man because I was afraid that if I take the one next to the woman, she will think I'm a creep out to rape and kill her.


I would never entertain such extraordinary notions, but the thought that she would think I was attempting to 'hit' on her would come to my mind and I'd rather avoid the embarrassment.


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## dblejj (Jun 5, 2005)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

Well, if the girl seems uncomfortable with my presence, I just prefer to think that she is avoiding eye contact because I am so damn handsome and she feels submissive to me. Ok, maybe this isn't that case most of the time. Perhaps however the female she is receptive and responsive to my anxiety, which in turn makes her feel similarly anxious.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

Well, after thinking about it a bit more, I think a lot of it comes down to confidence. When guys such as myself lack confidence, it manifests itself with regards to our problem. I think the women would have an easier time talking to us if we were confident and acted like it is no big deal to talk to them. The conversation then would (or at least "should") become easy and natural. The women will then feel that if the guy feels good about himself and is man enough to step up and talk to her, then she will probably naturally be at ease by his show of confidence and feel good about talking to him.

How many time have you seen the confident guy having no problem whatsoever having conservations with girls ... or with anybody for that matter? I can tell you I have seen it numerous times.

However, even though I'm not the most confident guy in the world, I would still like to have a girl show some class and contribute to the conversation I am trying to have with her ... regardless of the confidence (or lack of) that I show.

Lifetimer


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfortabl*

Yep. They seem way more comfortable if you just talk to them friendly upbeat but with no strings or any hint at attraction or desire to get a date. If you're awkward they will find you scary or creepy to girls. Which I think is an accurate stereotype as serial killers and molesters tend to be bad at socializing. Sure it's a generalization but better to be safe than sorry, lol. So it's in their best interest to be worried about the quiet or awkward guy. Never seen a girl scared of a loud guy. It's the guy that has weird eye contact or appears freaked out or has weird reactions or is nonsocial.

Sure maybe I'm ugly and that might be what makes them nervous but talking in a positive, friendly funny smiley manner seems to stop that freaked out look :b

If your nerves come out or you come off a weak you might as well walk away if you're trying to form any kind of relationship with them.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



scairy said:


> Yep. They seem way more comfortable if you just talk to them friendly upbeat but with no strings or any hint at attraction or desire to get a date. If you're awkward they will find you scary or creepy to girls. Which I think is an accurate stereotype as serial killers and molesters tend to be bad at socializing. Sure it's a generalization but better to be safe than sorry, lol. So it's in their best interest to be worried about the quiet or awkward guy. Never seen a girl scared of a loud guy. It's the guy that has weird eye contact or appears freaked out or has weird reactions or is nonsocial.
> 
> Sure maybe I'm ugly and that might be what makes them nervous but talking in a positive, friendly funny smiley manner seems to stop that freaked out look :b
> 
> If your nerves come out or you come off a weak you might as well walk away if you're trying to form any kind of relationship with them.


I'm scared of loud guys. :b
But guys bad at socializing of course wouldn't be creepy to me...I would think only outgoing girls would think of awkward/quiet guys as being creepy and stuff...outgoing people are in general, just best for people like us to stay away from, I think. They bring you nothing but more problems...at least that's all they do for me.
And you are definitely not ugly, you're cute! :hug


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: Guys talking to girls -- does it make girls uncomfor*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Yep. They seem way more comfortable if you just talk to them friendly upbeat but with no strings or any hint at attraction or desire to get a date. If you're awkward they will find you scary or creepy to girls. Which I think is an accurate stereotype as serial killers and molesters tend to be bad at socializing. Sure it's a generalization but better to be safe than sorry, lol. So it's in their best interest to be worried about the quiet or awkward guy. Never seen a girl scared of a loud guy. It's the guy that has weird eye contact or appears freaked out or has weird reactions or is nonsocial.
> ...


I'm sure it's just my charming personality afterall girls aren't concerned with the physical attributes


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

barnabas said:


> The only time I feel uncomfortable when a guy talks to me is when I find him attractive. Of course, I also know any guy who's befriending me because he wants to get even closer to me must be either blind or desperate. That must be why I rarely feel self-conscious when it comes to talking to guys. :b


question for Barnabas: Its so confusing because I feel that they are uncomfortable because they might think I am ugly and think "why the heck is this guy trying to hit on me, cant he see im out of his league"

but you are saying you are only uncomfortable when the guy is attractive.

How do I know which one it is???


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

Shauna The Dead said:


> I'm scared of loud guys.


Seconded.

I'm a lot more scared of loud, especially outgoing men (and people in general) than I am of quieter people. Outgoingness gets [*wrongfully*, I know] equated with a kind of aggressiveness to me, and honestly, puts me back in grade school where the outgoing, popular kids made fun of me for being quiet and strange... but that's another whole issue altogether.

So, yeah, I'm hardly a representative here, but then, talking to anyone makes me uncomfortable period.

If you're male, and talking to me, and being friendly to me, I would get a little suspicious, but only because I'm really big and I'd be worried that there was some sort of prank going on, as it's happened before. Another reason I'm not a good representative, here.

If you're just being genuinely friendly, I don't see why this would make her uncomfortable. Especially if you're at work. I could maybe see it if you were on the sidewalk and decided to just walk right up to a random girl and strike up a conversation... That might make her a bit uneasy. But someone you'd see regularly at work? I doubt it.

But anyway, I just want to hug all of you! I'm sorry you've felt this way. It must be hard to worry about so many different things just to talk to someone.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Wow ... this thread was really dug up from the grave! :lol

I had forgotten all about this thread I started 4 yrs ago. A big part of why I felt uncomfortable talking to girls back then was because of my toxic shame that I felt about myself. At the time, I did not know I had toxic shame - in fact, I had never heard the term before. But anyway, my toxic shame and low self esteem at the time was the main factor in my difficulty in talking with girls. Really, it was the main factor in talking with *anybody*. Well, I could actually talk to people (regarding back then), but the unworthyness I felt about myself and my low self esteem was easy to for others to see. And this is really what kept girls (as well as most other people) from being comfortable around me ... because I wasn't even comfortable with myself!

Since fairly recently healing my toxic shame (and thus my SA) I feel much better about myself and can talk _much_ easier to all people than back then when this thread was started.

Though I am over my toxic shame (and SA), I am still in the process of working to improve myself, but it is in the areas of my life that TS / SA had robbed me of. I have already improved in these areas, but I know I can improve more.

Lifetimer


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## MarcLikesBikes (Sep 30, 2012)

Removed.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Not unless you want to date them, and they don't want to date you. Which is 100% in my case.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Lifetimer said:


> Whenever I talk to a girl, especially someone I am just meeting for the first time, I always have the internal feeling that I am making them uncomfortable - that they think I am trying to get really "friendly" with them for the purpose of eventually asking them out. This feeling becomes even more so if they don't respond back with the same amount of enthusiasm and friendliness that I put out to them. For example, because of my SA, I don't go out to clubs or whatever and (for a lack of a better term) "cruise for girls". The only girls I meet and talk to are at my work. The few times I talk to these girls, I always get the feeling they are not as enthusiastic to talk to me as I am of talking to them. I usually do more talking to them than they do to me &#8230; and I'M the one with the SA!


This is why I never bother approching girls in collage anymore. Its obvious it makes them uncomfortable, and when you think about it she will know you intend to eventually get into a relation ship with her so all that would be going through her head would be 'omg he wants to **** me.'


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## MarcLikesBikes (Sep 30, 2012)

Removed.


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## MarcLikesBikes (Sep 30, 2012)

Removed.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I know for a fact that I make women uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure it's because I come across as way too intense. It just spooks them. I'm super quiet the majority of the time, then when I talk, it's way too articulate and serious. I don't use a lot of slang or act "cool" so naturally I'm seen as a creeper.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

the weekend's here. so what's up with social events near you? I need ideas..


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

It does make me uncomfortable. But that's because I have SA and almost everyone makes me uncomfortable.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

Freiheit said:


> It does make me uncomfortable. But that's because I have SA and almost everyone makes me uncomfortable.


if someone is nice to you and compliments you, still uncomfortable?


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Nexus777 said:


> if someone is nice to you and compliments you, still uncomfortable?


Yes, because I don't know what to say back to them and I'm nervous about my voice sounding weird. Sometimes, if people are nice to me I feel inclined to return the niceness but I can't bring myself to do it.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

This is why I don't talk to girls, even ones I have no interest in asking out.


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## YesImaMormon (Oct 11, 2013)

I like women, and i respect them. But they really piss me off


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

As a guy... It seems like everything I do will make girls uncomfortable... If I'm flirting with them and they think I'm attractive they get nervous and blush. If im unnattractive and flirting with them then I'm a creep. If I'm ignoring them I'm weird/creepy... If I'm talking to them but not flirting with them I'm a nice guy with ulterior motives


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Bottom line: Don't talk to girls. I think I'm already following that rule.


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## GoodKidMadCity (Jul 21, 2012)

No and if I did I would stop talking to them right and there. There are 3 billion other chicks in the world.


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## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

I can only assume the girl has anxiety, if she is uncomfortable. Most people won't be "turned off" if you're just talking to them. I, myself, do get uncomfortable once I feel people are trying to move in on me and my space, or want to get to "know" me better the first time talking to me. It creeps me out.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

If a girl is getting uncomfortable, it just means you're doing something wrong or it's for a reason that is out of your control. If it's something within your control, maybe you're just not really grabbing their attention and they want to get on with their lives. The good thing is that the more girls you talk to the better you will be at doing so, and if one girl doesn't find you interesting, there are one or two other girls in the world you could talk to.

Guys, especially with SA, sometimes get too hung up on one girl. The inevitable fawning over and becoming friendzoned by that one girl. When really, if you're inexperienced, you should be maximizing your chances by talking to as many as possible. Becoming better at it in the process, figuring out what you really like in a girl, and then ultimately becoming confident enough to go after the girl of your dreams. That girl that you're going to marry is going to slip between the cracks if you get hung up on whether or not talking to a girl makes her uncomfortable. Who cares? If it happens, you move on to the next and learn from any mistakes you may have made.


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## SashaRose (Jan 3, 2014)

It's true that a lot of girls can be shy around guys, especially if there is some romantic tension. But shyness not at all the same thing as discomfort. you could quite possibly be doing everything right and simply percieving their shyness as discomfort. its completely possibly they are interested in you as well. however, I havent heard any of these conversations and therefor I cant know. Perhaps you are getting to friendly to fast? Do you sometimes use crude humor? It's impossible for me to tell without knowing the kind of things you say.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Sometimes when I talk to a girl I think they think I'm trying to get at them or something. They'd give short replies and look uncomfortable. Not always though, others are friendly.


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## SashaRose (Jan 3, 2014)

IcedOver said:


> I agree that most women are sick of being hit on and that's why so many women seem so icy and unapproachable in public. I can tell that a lot of women go out of their way not to look at any guys for fear of giving off some kind of unintentional signal. On the bus especially women just seem to stare ahead and not look at anyone. It's completely understandable. One girl who is very attractive regularly rides my bus and she doesn't look at anyone but just talks on her phone or reads. She also wears a wedding band and, while she's probably married, she could also wear it so guys will believe she's taken because I'm sure she gets hit on regularly considering that she's so good looking.
> 
> Do you guys believe that women also feel uncomfortable with talking to guys online at dating sites and such? Perhaps that's why so many guys complain of women not sending replies and not seeming as enthusiastic as they are to communicate.


Girls on buses are probably not the best example of "average girls." This is because buses can be really scary places for girls and women, depending on the city etc. Those girls may very well be acting that way to try to avoid being raped. Unfortunately in our society girls have to be much more cautious about talking to strangers than men.

As for girls in everyday life in normal, relatively safe situations: I have been reading a lot of the comments on this thread and come to the conclusion that I don't know where ya'll are meeting these girls but as for me and most other girls I know, we aren't that scary. I mean, are we really? I don't think I'm all that intimidating...and I certainly don't shut down every time a guy comes near me. In fact, when a guy comes up to talk to me, even if I don't find him attractive, I am still flattered.

All of these comments are incredibly depressing. "This is why I have up on talking to girls," is what I'm mostly seeing. Well guess what! Ya'll are a bunch of pussies! That's the number 1 rule; you never, NEVER give up. Eventually, you will find someone who likes you for you. So please don't be discouraged by these *****y girls that seem to have infested all of your cities. I apologize for the faults of my sex and wish you the best of luck!


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## SashaRose (Jan 3, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Bottom line: Don't talk to girls. I think I'm already following that rule.


I have been reading a lot of the comments on this thread and come to the conclusion that I don't know where ya'll are meeting these girls but as for me and most other girls I know, we aren't that scary. I mean, are we really? I don't think I'm all that intimidating...and I certainly don't shut down every time a guy comes near me. In fact, when a guy comes up to talk to me, even if I don't find him attractive, I am still flattered.

All of these comments are incredibly depressing. "This is why I have up on talking to girls," is what I'm mostly seeing. Well guess what! Ya'll are a bunch of pussies! That's the number 1 rule; you never, NEVER give up. Eventually, you will find someone who likes you for you. So please don't be discouraged by these *****y girls that seem to have infested all of your cities. I apologize for the faults of my sex and wish you the best of luck!


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

SashaRose said:


> As for girls in everyday life in normal, relatively safe situations: I have been reading a lot of the comments on this thread and come to the conclusion that I don't know where ya'll are meeting these girls but as for me and most other girls I know, we aren't that scary. I mean, are we really? I don't think I'm all that intimidating...and I certainly don't shut down every time a guy comes near me. In fact, when a guy comes up to talk to me, even if I don't find him attractive, I am still flattered.


I think its the anxiety and low self esteem that makes girls seem scary. I have spent most of 2013 trying to date and I am much more comfortable talking to women, hitting on them and asking them out. It take practice and getting used to rejection (rejection is never easy though).



> All of these comments are incredibly depressing. "This is why I have up on talking to girls," is what I'm mostly seeing. *Well guess what! Ya'll are a bunch of pussies!* That's the number 1 rule; you never, NEVER give up. Eventually, you will find someone who likes you for you. So please don't be discouraged by these *****y girls that seem to have infested all of your cities. I apologize for the faults of my sex and wish you the best of luck!


Okay, I take offense to this part.

SA is crippling, and talking to the opposite sex when you are anxious is horrible.

Add with the fact that most of us men have had zero attention from women, are rejected a lot and has had years of horrible experience socially and calling us a bunch of pussies pisses me off to be honest.

There is a chance that some guys will alone no matter how hard they try. Although I haven't give up meeting women, I feel like I will never find a woman that will like me. Why? Well...

I get rejected a lot. Let me put that again *I get rejected a lot* and it f***ing sucks. It hurts my already low self esteem and I can't help but feel like an ugly piece of trash because at some point a woman would give me a chance right?

Even when I do go on dates, they never plan out. I can't seem to connect with a woman. I've had a second date _*once*_. And trust me I try to have a good time. I try to be relaxed, cool, confident and make my date feel relaxed and every single one of them have rejected me. The worst being are those girls who say that have a good time and ignore me afterwards.

It's not so easy when you have SA to meet women. It's a stressful learning process one that can crush some of us, especially guys like me who aren't really attractive. Far from a pvssy.


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## SashaRose (Jan 3, 2014)

gunner21 said:


> Bottom line: Don't talk to girls. I think I'm already following that rule.





Lifetimer said:


> Well, after thinking about it a bit more, I think a lot of it comes down to confidence. When guys such as myself lack confidence, it manifests itself with regards to our problem. I think the women would have an easier time talking to us if we were confident and acted like it is no big deal to talk to them. The conversation then would (or at least "should") become easy and natural. The women will then feel that if the guy feels good about himself and is man enough to step up and talk to her, then she will probably naturally be at ease by his show of confidence and feel good about talking to him.
> 
> How many time have you seen the confident guy having no problem whatsoever having conservations with girls ... or with anybody for that matter? I can tell you I have seen it numerous times.
> 
> ...


Really? I mean, confidence is good, but my biggest turn off is conceitedness which those "confident guys" you are talking about usually have. That's a total overgeneralization, but still. There aren't a lot of things I hate more than cocky hot guys. I think it's actually incredibly cute when a guy comes up to me and I can tell he's super nervous. Because its those guys who have courage, not the super confident ones. Because courage is being afraid of something and doing it anyways. I find that extremely admirable. That's just me.


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## polkaspot (Oct 30, 2012)

I have to agree with a lot of the ladies here. I feel uncomfortable in most social situations, so I might not be the right person to ask. Hahaha. It's not that I think you're creepy or out of line to be talking to me, it's that every conversation I have is tortured and angsty because of the chaos running through my mind! But the more often I talk with someone the easier it gets for me, so don't give up after one or two awkward conversations.

This is over said, but all you need is one girl to reciprocate, so keep trying! The fact that you try at all (instead of giving up on women entirely like some people in the thread) is great!



Lifetimer said:


> The only girls I meet and talk to are at my work.
> 
> Lifetimer





Futures said:


> The only place I ever talk to girls is at work, and they all pretty much avoid me.


Well, if I felt a co-worker was hitting on me I would definitely feel uncomfortable. A lot (but not all) women don't want to date in the workplace; it gets too complicated. I've personally had some really bad experiences with legitimately creepy co-workers (not "I'm not interested in you so this is creepy;" situations where my therapist agrees that lines were crossed) and I'm definitely not alone in this type of thing.

I know SA makes it hard to meet people other places, but if you're looking for a relationship you really need to find a venue where you can interact with women that you don't have professional relationships with.


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

I don't do it. For the few times it happened to me it annoyed the living crap out of me. My sister get constantly hitted on and I can assure you that she is annoyed by it.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

You need to observe a girl's face when you're talking to her.

Because face it, not all girls are like me, friendly and open to talk to anybody from janitor to boss. Frankly, most of them sit on a stool, high and mighty.

When you're talking to a woman, if her eyebrows slightly raise, pulling up the eyes, it means she is engaging you/welcoming the conversation. Doesn't automatically mean she is interested in you, but it means she is interested in the conversation.

Eyes widening is linked to looking more alluring to a man. Same as touching her hair constantly, a nervous twitch most of us pick up somewhere along the way. Touching or licking the lips is also a good sign.

Now, where you want to avoid is when a woman furrows her brown. Pulls down her forehead, wrinkles various spots. This is back off, you're boring and unattractive and you're wasting my time or if she doesn't completely face you when talking to you, she's not engaging you fully.


really not that hard to discern women by facial expressions. It's really hard for us to hide emotions in our face with men. Men, you want to know what women want, what women think, it's staring straight at you.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I don't bother talking to anybody. Unless I actually know them.


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## MysteriousH (Apr 27, 2013)

I get uncomfortable, mostly because of my anxiety. But some guys have a way of making you feel comfortable..


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*Omg thank you*



MarcLikesBikes said:


> Or you could just relaxand talk to them like humans.
> 
> Talk to them about the class, work on becoming a happy and sociable person and just make conversation. If you're a decent person to talk to, they wont assume you're trying to pick them up... because you're not. You're just being nice.
> 
> Stop talking to girls with the intention of dating them. Talk to girls because they're interesting human beings with likes and dislikes. Make friends and just enjoy working on being sociable and be sociable. When you do this,you'll click with girls and you'll have a girlfriend.


^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It's gotten to the point, after years and years and years of trying where as soon as a guy even looks like he might look at me to think of talking to me, i seize up, because i used to try to "Be friends" with guys but almost 100% of them wanted to have sex with me, and not even because im so great, or because sex is so great, but because they seem to see me as a sexomatic that just has sex and that it. like a coke machine, only free sex.

The few times guys DO treat me ,ike a human, All I can think is this guy is the coolest. Folks, i shouldn't have to grade on a curve, IM A HUMAN NOT A VAGINA.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

mzmz said:


> ^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> 
> It's gotten to the point, after years and years and years of trying where as soon as a guy even looks like he might look at me to think of talking to me, i seize up, because i used to try to "Be friends" with guys but almost 100% of them wanted to have sex with me, and not even because im so great, or because sex is so great, but because they seem to see me as a sexomatic that just has sex and that it. like a coke machine, only free sex.
> 
> The few times guys DO treat me ,ike a human, All I can think is this guy is the coolest. Folks, i shouldn't have to grade on a curve, IM A HUMAN NOT A VAGINA.


You seem to have a lot of negative experience with men


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

If the guy is not a stud then yes


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## JoSo (Dec 31, 2013)

when i manage to go out, i don't mind guys talking to me if they are not unpleasant. By unpleasant i mean drunken old alcoholics, or guys who instantly state that they want to sleep with me, that is creepy! for normal conversations, i like when people in general approach me, because i think it is nice of them to show attention. I always fear being the girl who just sits there alone in a corner. For me it is rare to approached by nice guys with good intentions, i really would like to hope that it is not because i am ugly.
you make it sound as if you think girls automatically get the attention, but i know plenty of shy girls who never really had any attention


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Siverah said:


> Hello  I think i have some advice for you.
> 
> First of all you should not be too much friendly when chatting or making conversation to a girl whom you only met few times.
> 
> ...


What if being yourself isn't the mysterious type? Also how does a guy even be mysterious when he has to approach a girl in the first place. She already knows he's interested.



JoSo said:


> when i manage to go out, i don't mind guys talking to me if they are not unpleasant. By unpleasant i mean drunken old alcoholics, or guys who instantly state that they want to sleep with me, that is creepy! for normal conversations, i like when people in general approach me, because i think it is nice of them to show attention. I always fear being the girl who just sits there alone in a corner. For me it is rare to approached by nice guys with good intentions, i really would like to hope that it is not because i am ugly.
> you make it sound as if you think girls automatically get the attention, but i know plenty of shy girls who never really had any attention


By nice guys with good intentions are you okay with a guy who starts a casual conversation, tries to flirt and then asks you on a date or for your number?


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

Yep, girls nowadays have their guard up when it comes to guys approaching them. Just being around girls makes me uncomfortable because I always feel like I'm being judged.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Mattsy94 said:


> Yep, girls nowadays have their guard up when it comes to guys approaching them. Just being around girls makes me uncomfortable because I always feel like I'm being judged.


Are you judging them?


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

I don't think it's necessarily uncomfortable. It depends on his way of speaking. If he's casual about conversation then I think it's normal human behavior. If it feels like they're sizing me up or trying to probe for information without me noticing, then it's uncomfortable.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

rdrr said:


> Are you judging them?


No, I just do my best to ignore them.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Kind Of said:


> I don't think it's necessarily uncomfortable. It depends on his way of speaking. If he's casual about conversation then I think it's normal human behavior. If it feels like they're sizing me up or trying to probe for information without me noticing, then it's uncomfortable.


Your avatar is now the best thing on this website.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

vicente said:


> I get very afraid of making girls uncomfortable. I'm always under the impression that women are "sick" of being hit on by guys. Since in our society, women are generally passive and men active in relationships, I get the feeling that women get approached by random guys and acquaintances for dates all the time and have gotten somewhat wary of being too friendly with single guys. When I talk to most women, I have an aura of anxiety and fear of their judgment, which causes them to be uncomfortable, and that's why I have very few female friends.





vicente said:


> Most women don't have to resort to dating sites since they can usually find dates on their own (though they may not be happy with them!), so the male-to-female ratio on dating sites is usually very high. And since guys are almost always the ones to take the active role, women's inboxes are bombarded with messages from guys, so they have to sift through all the potential suitors for one they like the best. That's probably why guys complain of women not sending replies or not being enthusiastic.
> 
> I think most women put up their guard when talking with strangers that are male, since there are so many male social-deviants ("weirdos") compared to female ones in the world.





vicente said:


> This week when I was working out at the exercise machines there were only two machines left, between a man and a woman. I immediately took the one closest to the man because I was afraid that if I take the one next to the woman, she will think I'm a creep out to rape and kill her.


LOL I'm looking at my posts from 7.5 years ago and I'd say that until ~ 5 months ago, I would still have agreed.

But now I'm like, f**k it, women are used to unwanted male attention, you not talking to them isn't going to make their day. Stop assuming that they think you're creepy and just go up and talk to them. If they aren't friendly to you, it may not be because of you. Maybe they have a hangover, or their pet died. If they're friendly to you, then ask for their number. It's best to know whether she's open to dating or is just being friendly than to think back and wonder "what if?". I'm setting goals of getting rejected at least 3 times a month. I'm starting to make fun of girls not in a mean way but as teasing. This takes me out of the "nice guy" zone and into the territory of a guy who actually has a personality.


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