# Only children???



## missilelone (Jun 23, 2014)

Are there any only children on here ? Do you think that growing up with no siblings could be the cause of your social anxiety ?


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## Lizard Boy (Jun 22, 2014)

I have a twin sister and she and i both have it bad. i bet its partly genetic.


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## missilelone (Jun 23, 2014)

that's interesting how twins sometimes share the same traits, do you help each other out with sa


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## Jinkies (Aug 31, 2013)

I think it's one of 3 things, including that:

-No brother/sister
-Was never allowed to play out much as a child
-Mother and father were always fighting/never really together

But it could just be genetic, there's no real way of knowing :|


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## Lost Pirate (Jun 19, 2014)

A few reasons:
1. No siblings
2. My mom didn't let me have any social relations without her putting her nose in them, and controlling me
3. Because of some health issues, none of my parents have a social life, so when I grew up I was very lonely and didn't get any experience of meeting anyone.


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## yelda (Jun 12, 2010)

I am an only child and had social anxiety and depression before meds.
after meds, it is perfect!


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

*Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Scarlet red M. on my chest..stands for me..yup:yes..but i don't think just being an only kid..was the only cause for SA..but yeah..i'am, of course now i have my cousin..but yeah...i actually even did a thread like this, some time back:yes


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## justapatheticperson (Jun 16, 2014)

I am an only and I would never have just one child, I wouldn't put them through it. I do not have a single friend or close family member and I always thought if I had a brother or sister if everything would be different for me. I never had many friends even in my early school years, I have always been socially isolated. But I feel like if I grew up with somebody else, they would have introduced me to friends, helped me not be completely socially inept, or at least been that one person I could always go to when nobody else was there. So YES, I do think that may be THE main reason I have anxiety plus the whole host of other issues I have.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Nah, there are plenty of people on here who had siblings. If nothing else, I think that I'd be worse off if I had a sibling growing up as it would mean that my home environment would probably have been even more chaotic and I most likely wouldn't have developed any of the few positive traits or accomplishments that I currently have.


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## hughjames95 (Sep 21, 2013)

Im an only child


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## yelda (Jun 12, 2010)

being an only child is a huge advantage!  
you use all the financial sources and capital of your family! 
and you are the only heir of your family! 
statistically only children are more successful than the ones who have sibling(s) !


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## Boomaloom (May 28, 2014)

I am an only child and I did have quite an isolated time growing up. I remember a running conversation when I was a kid which involved me living in a country place with no kids my own age around and depending on my cousins 10 miles away for friendship outside school. 

Thing is once I went to high school I blossomed and was eager to go to college and had a busy enough social life. That was when my problems began. So i dont know if that would point to my only child status being an issue. A teenage friend of mine was an only child who also depended on extended family for friendship and he was the coolest guy I ever met. Got on well in college, went out with model material girlfriends and is now happily married with kids.

I agree with the poster who said its wrong to bring an only child into the world. Sure they may turn out fine, but if they don't they will never know what its like to have a brother or sister to depend on and help them. I look at my own mother now and her greatest friends are her 2 sisters who she talks to everyday. I will never have that comfort when Im old. I have to go out there and work for every companion I will have.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*Only two brothers 30 years older*

a sister would be better

just grew up with 50-year-old parents

Lots of nieces I didn't meet much; Xmas & summer

not blaming anyone. I got critical of parents timing me wrong.
No more. I got an apology from mum for not having me sooner - same as brothers. That could have fixed my life completely. The family would have better lives if I didn't exist. Strange fact. I think I've mastered the ability to cope a bit.
I have made progress with my career but that time is over. I feel early retired and alone

I crumble
with a panic attack
flopping into bed. Triggered by simple memories like seeing movies from the past on VHS and music
feeling a personal white blur. It means just thinking - reviewing my life and what I can do.
I'm out of control of my life and did have it well ordinated before.
at home feeling I'm in the same lonely state I had in my two-room bedroom in a refurbished four storey house in the 1980s, 90s (school) which was the best place I've lived, although before born, the folks owned a huge hotel with golf course in Cornwall.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

missilelone said:


> Are there any only children on here ? Do you think that growing up with no siblings could be the cause of your social anxiety ?


I am an only child and I do not think that being an only child is the cause of my social anxiety. I know genetics plays a major role in my social anxiety. Being an only child does not help though. I will never have that experience of having a sibling that other people have. Also, as parents age, siblings for the most part share the responsibility of caring for the parent. If there is a good relationship between siblings, the relationship can be a blessing. If the relationship is bad, it can be a curse.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

missilelone said:


> that's interesting how twins sometimes share the same traits, do you help each other out with sa


I have coworkers who are twins and one is more outgoing than the other one. The twin who is shy has a husband and 2 kids and she married late in life. I suspect her sister helped her find a husband, the more outgoing twin found a husband early in life. The twin that is more outgoing has more friends than the shy one. These twins are close so they socialize together so that helps the shy twin have a social life.


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## innerspace (Jun 24, 2014)

I'm an only child. My mother has always been overprotective and over-involved, for better or worse. She is quite an anxious person, but it often came out as anger. My dad has always been the opposite, laid-back to the point of being distant and un-involved. My mom was very critical of me growing up, especially once I developed OCD and the symptoms got out of hand. 

I think that being the only child on the receiving end of all negative attention, criticism, disappointment, etc. was not helpful for me, especially since I was very sensitive and shy to begin with. There was no escape, no other sibling to divert the attention to. But I think the fact that my peers bullied and rejected me throughout school was an equal or greater cause of my social anxiety. For both reasons, I somehow came to believe that the world is a critical, judgmental, hostile, rejecting place and I didn't belong. A painful lesson for any child :/


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## soulsurviver (Jun 17, 2014)

I'm an only child. I have a husband but no close family. I've always felt lonely and like I never fit in. I was also ignored and neglected a lot by my parents. All these factors put together have had an effect on me. I yearn for a close family but I know it's a waste of energy


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## TheExplosionist (Apr 13, 2009)

+1
It's definitely not a cause. My only cousin is also an only child and has no SA.


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## Zashlin (Dec 15, 2013)

I feel if I had a brother or sister it would be less lonely here and I could talk to somebody. Eh but I think its not really a major cause for my SA because I used to be really social, sometimes forgot that Im an only child.


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## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

I am an only child. My parents are elderly (my dad is 71 and my mom is 62). I am the youngest one in both of my families, they had me at an advance age, my dad was 44 and mom was 36. I never grew up around my cousins, my uncles are elderly too, some of them any way and never really saw them only on Christmas or New Year's Eve. Had bunch of friends in elementary school but lost contact with them. High school had a couple of them still my best friends untill this day, college was a disaster for me. My grandma is 91, with a severe depression, OK physically. Basically when my parents die - if i don't have a family by then - that's it for me. Completely alone. Like someone said here: i'll never had a single child. Too many disadvantages to it. I was reading on wiki about it and while considered myths, all of the next things are true in my case: Even today, only children are commonly stereotyped as "spoiled, selfish, and bratty". While many only children receive a lot of attention and resources for their development, it is not clear that as a class they are overindulged or differ significantly from children with siblings. Susan Newman, a social psychologist at Rutgers University and the author of Parenting an Only Child, says that this is a myth. "People articulate that only children are spoiled, they're aggressive, they're bossy, they're lonely, they're maladjusted", she said. "There have been hundreds and hundreds of research studies that show that only children are no different from their peers." Similarly, a popular belief is held that only children have aversive social skills, and therefore have a harder time making friends. A 2004 study of American middle and high school students found that such beliefs are false.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_child
There you go. I hate it personally. 
Most of the people here have siblings, so the idea that social habilities can be improved by having brothers or sisters is not entirely true i guess.


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

No, I'm not. Sometimes I wish I was though. It would be more peaceful.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Im an only child. It can be annoying cos my mum either gives me waaaaaay too much attention or she ignores me. I think i got SA becos my mum Was always picking at my flaws and controlling me, even as a kid. I learnt to just hide till she went away and when she leaves me alone i become who i truly am. Sometimes i wonder what id be like to have a sibling to blame things on and share the burden


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

yelda said:


> being an only child is a huge advantage!
> you use all the financial sources and capital of your family!
> and you are the only heir of your family!
> statistically only children are more successful than the ones who have sibling(s) !


I appreciate the sentiments but it's not true for all. I'm an only child. There are pros and cons to it, sure, but if I were going to have any children (like that would happen), I would definitely have more than one (I'd go for two, maybe three). You're lonely growing up, you are the sole responsible person for your parents once they get older. You have no one to lean on when this happens. It's just going to be you, by yourself, alone, coping with it all. My parents didn't really have any money, nor were they really good together. Growing up, you just dealt with their anger and arguments alone. Being the only heir to the family doesn't mean much to me as it doesn't matter in my case, but I could see it if it mattered in your society/culture (I have several cousins, so for me it's not a big deal).

There are pros, but in my opinion the cons outweigh the pros.

I don't think being an only child was the source of my SA, but it did contribute to my introvert nature (not all of it, I do think it's just how I am naturally). I didn't learn to fight back, I'm more sensitive, etc.

Like others have said, if I were going to have kids, I, knowing what it is like being an only child, will definitely have more than one kid.


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## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

It probably contributed to it but not the only cause. I was so lonely growing up because cuz of the SA, I didn't have many friends, and I wanted siblings so bad to play with


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Didn't cause it but it sure did help reinforce it.


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