# I broke down at work. Can't handle confrontation



## Timothy123 (Jan 27, 2013)

I'm a 19 year old cashier. I chose not to go to school mostly because I can't deal with the anxiety of sitting in a class room and I thought getting a job would help my social skills. It did a bit, but i'm still not ready.

Anyways i've had blunt/sort of rude customers here and there. But i've never had anyone yell at me because I can usually charm even the meanest people into feeling bad about getting loud with me for no reason. But today this lady really pissed me off. I was already stressed out because I had to unexpectedly train a new cashier and I had a LOT of multi-tasking to do with no help from my other co-workers. So anyways, the new cashier was taking a customer's order and the customer wanted to use like 4-5 coupons at once. We can't use more than 1 coupon per transaction and I happened to walk past her as she was telling the customer about the coupon policy. And the woman WENT OFF. (We changed the policy very recently. Customers used to be able to use all the coupons they wanted on an order, which was ridiculous). This rude customer had the nerve to tell us we don't know what we're doing and she comes to our store all the time and blah blah blah. "You don't know what you're doing! Now there's a line building up because you don't know what you're doing! This is ridiculous! Worst service ever!" This woman clearly had NO idea what she was talking about and I just wanted to shut her up so bad.

There was a lot of people in line and I just felt so embarrassed and I was shaking. I wanted to beat the **** out of her, I felt out of control. My voice was getting shakey and I could not stop shaking, I looked like a Chihuahua. I immediately walked away from the scene and went to the back and some co-workers caught me sobbing in the back freezer. I was so annoyed at myself because I couldn't stop crying and I had no idea why at the time.

I don't think I was crying because the customer because of what the customer said. I was more upset that I couldn't stand up for myself and tell her off (i'm quitting in a few weeks so I don't care if I get fired for yelling at a customer lol). The new cashier was close to arguing with the woman, and I was thinking in my head "Why can't I do that? What is so hard about arguing with someone?" I couldn't even look the woman in the eye as she was ranting about us in front of a bunch of people. I was just looking down at the floor & shaking.

I'm SO MAD. I hate that i'm so bad at confrontation. When I feel like i'm about to argue I go into instant fight or flight mode.

I either want to physically fight (no words, just straight to punches) or I want to run away from the scene and be by myself to calm down. There's no in between. If I even ATTEMPT to speak up during an argument my voice automatically starts cracking, I tear up, my voice pitch gets higher and higher, and then I start sobbing like a baby and I can't get my words out. I wish I could just argue verbally like a normal person. I'm tired of being a push over. I'm not a little kid anymore but people still view me as one because I look so young, i'm soft spoken, and i'm a wimp and i'm so tired of it. I just want to be confident in everything I do. :bah


----------



## Chasingclouds (Jan 7, 2015)

Have you tried talking to your manager about the problems that you were having, like this one? Not getting help from co-workers in situations like these? Maybe you could ask them for advice on how to handle the situation in a way that wouldn't cause your anxiety to go through the roof. Or next time tell the customer that you will get a manager to help them and wait until they get there. I'm not sure how your store works but that's what I would do next time. 

Some people just don't have it in them to be combative and that isn't your fault. I also forgot to ask, would there be any possible way to maybe ask your HR or manager to switch you to a different department that has the least interaction with customers? You definitely don't deserve to be treated like that and I understand what it feels like when someone doesn't think you look old enough to approach any situation, as if you don't have the experience because of those younger looks, it's ridiculous.


----------



## Timothy123 (Jan 27, 2013)

Chasingclouds said:


> Have you tried talking to your manager about the problems that you were having, like this one? Not getting help from co-workers in situations like these? Maybe you could ask them for advice on how to handle the situation in a way that wouldn't cause your anxiety to go through the roof. Or next time tell the customer that you will get a manager to help them and wait until they get there. I'm not sure how your store works but that's what I would do next time.
> 
> Some people just don't have it in them to be combative and that isn't your fault. I also forgot to ask, would there be any possible way to maybe ask your HR or manager to switch you to a different department that has the least interaction with customers? You definitely don't deserve to be treated like that and I understand what it feels like when someone doesn't think you look old enough to approach any situation, as if you don't have the experience because of those younger looks, it's ridiculous.


I didn't speak to my manager about the issue because it's never happened before. I've worked at this place for 9 months and i've never gotten so upset by a customer before. Like I would love to be able to tell an upset customer that i'd get the manager for them, but it's easier to say than do. In the situation that happened today, I walked up to the customer as soon as she started yelling and going off on me & the new cashier, and I _instantly_ went into my fight or flight mode as if I saw just saw a ghost in the mirror. I wouldn't have been able to tell her i'm getting the manager without breaking down and crying. I didn't want to let the customer see that she was getting to me so I just quickly walked away and one of my other co-workers who is not afraid to back down from an argument handled it when they saw me in tears.

And honestly, I got a job as a cashier on purpose to help my social anxiety. I notice a lot of people on this site tend to run away from the their fears and end up regretting it. I like to face my fears and help myself grow. And forcing myself to talk and make eye contact with strangers every single day has helped me out tremendously compared to when I did not have a job. But I still need a ton of work. As much as i'd love to have a job where I have limited customer interaction; in the back of my mind i'd be upset knowing that i'm just hurting myself in the long run by taking the "easy way out" if you get what i'm saying.

But I guess you're right, not everyone was made to be combative. But I wish I was :\ it'd make life much easier. Not being able to handle any sort of conflict with someone (aggressive and non-aggressive) has just turned me into a lame push over that cannot stand up for himself and i'm just so over it.


----------



## Chasingclouds (Jan 7, 2015)

Timothy123 said:


> I didn't speak to my manager about the issue because it's never happened before. I've worked at this place for 9 months and i've never gotten so upset by a customer before. Like I would love to be able to tell an upset customer that i'd get the manager for them, but it's easier to say than do. In the situation that happened today, I walked up to the customer as soon as she started yelling and going off on me & the new cashier, and I _instantly_ went into my fight or flight mode as if I saw just saw a ghost in the mirror. I wouldn't have been able to tell her i'm getting the manager without breaking down and crying. I didn't want to let the customer see that she was getting to me so I just quickly walked away and one of my other co-workers who is not afraid to back down from an argument handled it when they saw me in tears.
> 
> And honestly, I got a job as a cashier on purpose to help my social anxiety. I notice a lot of people on this site tend to run away from the their fears and end up regretting it. I like to face my fears and help myself grow. And forcing myself to talk and make eye contact with strangers every single day has helped me out tremendously compared to when I did not have a job. But I still need a ton of work. As much as i'd love to have a job where I have limited customer interaction; in the back of my mind i'd be upset knowing that i'm just hurting myself in the long run by taking the "easy way out" if you get what i'm saying.
> 
> But I guess you're right, not everyone was made to be combative. But I wish I was :\ it'd make life much easier. Not being able to handle any sort of conflict with someone (aggressive and non-aggressive) has just turned me into a lame push over that cannot stand up for himself and i'm just so over it.


That right there, the attempt that you made for the sake of your trainee shows that you have guts. You aren't a pushover and you proved to yourself and others that you had the guts to at least try. So what if it wasn't perfect? Like you said you face most of your fears that people on this site tend to run away from and you should be proud for giving this job a chance to help you.

I'm sorry I couldn't help more with suggestions, but if you want to talk further about this or need a friend in general, don't be afraid to shoot me a message.


----------



## Timothy123 (Jan 27, 2013)

Chasingclouds said:


> That right there, the attempt that you made for the sake of your trainee shows that you have guts. You aren't a pushover and you proved to yourself and others that you had the guts to at least try. So what if it wasn't perfect? Like you said you face most of your fears that people on this site tend to run away from and you should be proud for giving this job a chance to help you.
> 
> I'm sorry I couldn't help more with suggestions, but if you want to talk further about this or need a friend in general, don't be afraid to shoot me a message.


Don't be sorry! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and respond to it. Just being able to type out my thoughts about the struggles in my life and have someone respond in any way helps me out so much. I really really appreciate you. I will try my best to continue to fight my fears and hopefully I will conquer them all soon enough! :grin2:


----------



## Chasingclouds (Jan 7, 2015)

Timothy123 said:


> Don't be sorry! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and respond to it. Just being able to type out my thoughts about the struggles in my life and have someone respond in any way helps me out so much. I really really appreciate you. I will try my best to continue to fight my fears and hopefully I will conquer them all soon enough! :grin2:


Not a problem, I've been trying to do that myself lately so I don't let it get pent up, that's when it becomes unhealthy and makes life in general harder.


----------



## lifestandsstillhere (Jul 17, 2013)

Timothy123 said:


> I'm a 19 year old cashier. I chose not to go to school mostly because I can't deal with the anxiety of sitting in a class room and I thought getting a job would help my social skills. It did a bit, but i'm still not ready.
> 
> Anyways i've had blunt/sort of rude customers here and there. But i've never had anyone yell at me because I can usually charm even the meanest people into feeling bad about getting loud with me for no reason. But today this lady really pissed me off. I was already stressed out because I had to unexpectedly train a new cashier and I had a LOT of multi-tasking to do with no help from my other co-workers. So anyways, the new cashier was taking a customer's order and the customer wanted to use like 4-5 coupons at once. We can't use more than 1 coupon per transaction and I happened to walk past her as she was telling the customer about the coupon policy. And the woman WENT OFF. (We changed the policy very recently. Customers used to be able to use all the coupons they wanted on an order, which was ridiculous). This rude customer had the nerve to tell us we don't know what we're doing and she comes to our store all the time and blah blah blah. "You don't know what you're doing! Now there's a line building up because you don't know what you're doing! This is ridiculous! Worst service ever!" This woman clearly had NO idea what she was talking about and I just wanted to shut her up so bad.
> 
> ...


I'm glad I found this post because this is something I struggled with when I was younger. Once, when I was a teenager working one of my first jobs, a woman yelled at me and berated me until I was reduced to tears. Luckily, my manager stepped in, which allowed me to walk away from the situation and take a few minutes to calm down. When I returned to my register, the woman's date came over and apologized profusely for her behavior; apparently it was one of their first dates, and he would not be seeing her again because of how she acted.

The woman in your story was clearly in the wrong. From what you've said, it sounds like she's an absolutely miserable person who treats retail workers like **** in order to get her frustration out. You were simply doing your job. You made no mistakes. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Learn to feel sorry for that sort of person rather than letting them ruin your day, and your job will become a whole lot easier.


----------

