# ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP! (Scottsdale)



## TruSeeker777

I'm excited to announce that AnxiousJeff and I will be resuming the Anxious Speakers of Arizona weekly support group meetings! :banana

The meetings will now be held in east Mesa and our first meeting will be on Monday, May 8th, 2006 at 7:00pm. ***** Update**** As of 6/30/08 we have ended our weekly meetings. Please PM me if you are interested in being notified of any future social get-togethers we plan.*

We hope to provide a safe non-threatening environment where we can all share our struggles and triumphs, learn and practice CBT techniques, make some friends and do some fun stuff like go to the movies together! opcorn

If you are interested, please feel free to PM me for further details or any questions or ideas you may have (we could use them!). You can also find out more info on our website below. Be sure to add your name to our email list using the form on the bottom of the first page.

http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers

Hope to see you there!

Karen


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## free thinker

Good luck with the group, Karen!


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## TruSeeker777

Thanks wayne


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## TruSeeker777

I received an email from someone that will be attending our support group. It's address to the others who will be attending so I decided to post it here....

Hi, 
I am a new member! I have suffered with social anxiety for over 10 years now. I am looking forward to the meetings that will take place and cannot wait to meet all of you and make new acquaintances. I originally come from back east and have no family here in AZ. I feel very isolated. It'll be good for me to make some friends and I hope to do so. 

Penny


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## TruSeeker777

Just a reminder our first meeting will be this Monday night, May 8, 2006 at 7:00pm.

Looking forward to seeing everyone there! :banana

Karen


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## TruSeeker777

Thanks to everyone who came out and made our first meeting a success. We had a total of 12 people in attendance. :clap 

I'm already looking forward to next Monday. 

Karen


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## free thinker

TruSeeker777 said:


> We had a total of 12 people in attendance.


Great opening day turnout, Karen. I am very impressed. How did you get so many people? Did some of those people on the list I left with you attend?


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## DayTrader

Is this like a toastmasters for people w/ a public speaking anxiety? I would eventually like to start one of those myself. I also would be interested in how you got so many people to attend as it seems like pulling teeth to get SA peeps to meet.....

Congrats,
Daytrader

:banana


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## TruSeeker777

free thinker said:


> TruSeeker777 said:
> 
> 
> 
> We had a total of 12 people in attendance.
> 
> 
> 
> Great opening day turnout, Karen. I am very impressed. How did you get so many people? Did some of those people on the list I left with you attend?
Click to expand...

Wayne, I believe there might have been a few people from that list that attended. I incorporated all the names into one list so I'm not completely sure. I left the website up during the 1.5 year hiatus and had a place for people to add their names to be contacted if we ever started meeting again. So all this time I've been collecting names which turned out to be a great motivator for me to start up the group again as I saw how great the need was for it. My church promoted it too so I had a couple of people that found out about it that way and obviously this message board was another way we got the word out.


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## TruSeeker777

DayTrader said:


> Is this like a toastmasters for people w/ a public speaking anxiety? I would eventually like to start one of those myself. I also would be interested in how you got so many people to attend as it seems like pulling teeth to get SA peeps to meet.....
> 
> Congrats,
> Daytrader
> 
> :banana


Daytrader,

I've never been to a Toastmaster meeting but from what I hear it's kind of like the support group in that people can get up in front of others and practice their speaking skills. But it's specifically for those suffering with Social Anxiety so it's also a place people can go to share their struggles and get support from each other and learn CBT techniques as well. You can view the format we are using on our website here

When you're ready to start up your meetings, I would suggest you set up a website with a way for people to contact you. For the website, we are using a free service for non-profit groups, clubs, etc called orgsites.com. It has easy online web editing and has worked out well so far for us. You can check it out here

Hope that helps.


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## TruSeeker777

Our weekly meetings have been going great!

We are planning on catching a movie on Monday afternoon, May 29th (Memorial Day).

We are still working out what movie we want to see and where, but it will most likely be in the Mesa or Phoenix area.

Anyone who's interested is welcome to join us! Just send me a PM and I'll let you know all of the details when I get them.

Karen 
Anxious Speakers of Arizona
http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers


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## TruSeeker777

We're going to the 3:15pm showing of MI:3 at the Harkins theater at Arizona Mills Mall.

Feel free to join us. PM for more details.


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## TruSeeker777

Just wanted to let everyone know how our first support group social outing went.

Five of us met up at Arizona Mills Mall Harkins Theaters Monday afternoon to see Mission Impossible 3. We had fun but it was soooo crowded in the mall and theater area. It would have been very difficult for those who don't attend our weekly meetings to find our group. Who's idea was it to plan a trip to the movies on a Holiday weekend at a crowded mall? Oh yeah, it was mine! :::smacks head::: But the movie was good and we still had fun so it was all good. opcorn

If you missed this one, we plan on having these kind of outings every month or so. I'll keep you posted.

Karen
Anxious Speakers of Arizona
http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers


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## riverafan42

Hey, I was just wondering what the age range of people for this group is. I'm 24 m who goes to ASU, and I've been to some support groups before that had mostly older people and I was looking to meet some people my age. 

thanks

rivera


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## TruSeeker777

Hi Rivera, welcome to the board. 

We usually have a pretty good mix of age groups but it's mostly people in their 20's and 30's. 

Come check it out sometime!


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## Socially_Depressed

Hey I live in Arizona And i was wondering if i could come to your meetings. I seriously have a problem with social anxiety. Can you tell me where excalty in Phoneix and when and what time?
Thanks so much


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## TruSeeker777

Hi Tiff,

We meet every Monday night in East Mesa from 7:00-9:00pm.

You can PM me or check out our website below for the exact address and further info on the group.

http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers

Hope to see you there!

Karen


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky

When I can find some time (and the guts) I'll have to drive up there and attend one of your meetings. I'll see if some others here in tucson wanna go too. Maybe someday we could have a huge AZ meet.


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## TruSeeker777

That would be cool Ducky 

We also plan on having social outings every other month or so. These will most likely be on a Saturday so that might make it easier for those outside of the Phoenix area to attend.

You (and anyone else who's interested) may also want to add your name to our email list. You can do that by going on the Anxious Speakers website http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers. Scroll down to the bottom and you will see a form to add your name and email address. We also have a very basic message board on the site. I post the meeting minutes on it so you might want to look that over to get an idea of what the meetings are like.


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## TruSeeker777

I usually email these to everyone on the Anxious Speakers support group email list but I decided to post the minutes from our meetings here to give those on this board, who might be interested in joining us, an idea of what our meetings are like...

7-31-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and once again welcomed a new member to our support group family. 

We started the night by talking about ideas for our next social get-together. Someone suggested Bunco. Bunco is a fun social dice game that is played in teams. The game will be hosted at a member's house and everyone on this list, including those who are not able to attend our regular meetings, are welcome to join us. If this is something you would be interested in, please email me and let me know. 

We changed the format up a bit by doing our CBT first and following that with our group check-in time. For the CBT, we continued talking about our Fear and Avoidance Hierarchy list. We learned how to rate each social situation, based on how much fear it causes us and the likelihood of avoidance, using scales of 0 to 100. These ratings will be used to monitor our progress when we start doing our individual graduated exposure practices. This list will also make it easier for us to notice any patterns or dimensions that make a situation easier or harder for us. For instance, does it make any difference if...

- the person is a man or woman?
- the person is married or single?
- the person is higher or lower status than you?
- the person is younger or older?
- the situation is one-on-one or involves more than one person?
- the people are friends, acquaintances, or strangers?
- the situation is formal (like a wedding reception) or casual (like a weekend BBQ)?
- you will be standing or sitting?
- the event will last a short or long time?
- the event is spontaneous or you have a chance to prepare?

By identifying and understanding these patterns, we will be better able to predict how much anxiety we will experience in a new situation that is not on our hierarchy list. An analogy to this is that graduated exposure is like learning to swim by starting out in the shallow end of the pool and working up to the deep end, and these dimensions or patterns define what parts of the "pool" are more shallow or deep for us.

We ended the night with a great time of sharing and support during our group check-ins


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## TruSeeker777

8-7-06 Meeting Minutes

Monday's meeting went really well and we welcomed another new member to our support group family.

After a brief discussion about our progress in filling out our individual Fear and Avoidance Hierarchies, we jumped right into the CBT as we had a lot of information to cover in our discussion on identifying negative core beliefs and how they relate to social anxiety.

We learned that core beliefs (positive or negative) are the deeply held ideas and philosophies we have about ourselves, other people, and the world that are usually developed in childhood or early in adult life. Negative core beliefs are the driving force behind our negative thoughts, the rules we live by and the assumptions we make in social situations.

Some examples of negative core beliefs, rules and assumptions in social anxiety are:

Beliefs:
- I'm weird...different...boring...stupid
- I'm inferior...inadequate...unacceptable...unlikeable
- People are always judging me...criticizing...looking out for things I do wrong.

Rules and Assumptions:
- I must be amusing and interesting or people won't like me.
- You've got to do things right if you're going to be acceptable.
- If the conversation doesn't go well it is my fault.

As painful as it is to face these beliefs, we could definitely see how identifying them would be helpful in overcoming social anxiety.

At our next meeting we will learn some steps in challenging and changing our negative core beliefs.


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## TruSeeker777

8-14-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another good meeting Monday night with some interesting discussions and participation by everyone. You guys are doing great and I really appreciate your input and willingness to share. 

We started off the meeting by discussing the status of our next social get-together. We don't have a date firmed up for Bunco night yet but as soon as we do I'll send out an email with all of the details. And just a reminder, everyone is invited and welcome to attend these get-togethers even if you unable to attend our weekly meetings.

Continuing our discussion on negative core beliefs, we looked at the ways we can challenge and change our beliefs. One way is by asking ourselves some key questions about our beliefs, such as:

- What is the evidence for this belief? Looking objectively at all of your life experience, what is the evidence that this is true?

- Would you judge someone else who felt like you do in the same way? What would you say to someone else who held a belief like this one?

- Are you forgetting that everyone makes mistakes, gets things wrong, and feels socially uncomfortable at times? That no one can be perfect?

- Are you ignoring your strengths and focusing on your weaknesses? Ignoring the successes and friendships, while focusing on failures and embarrassments?

- Are you judging yourself as you have (once) been judged? If so, what makes the person, or other people who judged you, right now. Who is the best authority on you? Other people or yourself?

- Does this belief promote your well-being and/or peace of mind?

- Did you choose this belief on your own or did it develop out of your experience of growing up in your family?

Oftentimes we are so anxious that what we expect to happen and what actually does happen in a social situation are worlds apart, so another way we can challenge our negative core beliefs is by using a counter-belief worksheet to predict what will happen in a future event where that belief might be triggered and then record our observations and conclusions after the event. This is a good way to look at all of the evidence objectively so we can modify our belief, if needed.

We all agreed that we didn't expect our beliefs to change overnight but if we were dilligent in using these tools and open to receiving others' input and perspectives, change would happen over time.


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## TruSeeker777

8-21-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a good meeting Monday night despite the horrible storm that kept most of us from attending.

To start the meeting off, we had the following business matters to attend to:

1. Folk rock singer JJ Heller will be performing at Rejuvenate this Saturday, August 26, 2006 at 7:00pm. Several members from our group are going and you are all invited to join us. Email or PM me for more details if you are interested. You can listen to some clips of her music at http://jjheller.com/music.asp

2. No meeting on Sept. 4, 2006 due to the Labor Day holiday.

3. Bunco game night! We've scheduled it for Saturday, Sept. 9, 2006, starting at 7:00pm. We will be meeting in the "Commons" which is about four doors down from Rejuvenate in the strip mall. Email or PM me if you want to join us.

After group check-in time, we discussed our CBT topic of the night which was on perfectionism.

Two types of perfectionism are "self-oriented" (the requirement for the self to be perfect) and "socially-oriented" (the perception that others require us to be perfect).

Some of the negative core beliefs that contribute to perfectionism are:

- It is unacceptable to make a mistake.
- It is what I achieve rather than who I am that is important.
- Whatever I do should be to the highest possible standard if I am to justify my existence or see myself as a worthwhile person.
- It would be terrible if other people saw me as less than competent.

As you can see, being driven to perfectionism can cause alot of anxiety and discouragement, especially in social situations.

Also among things discussed were strategies for overcoming perfectionism, and we learned the difference between healthy goal setting and perfectionistic goal setting. A healthy goal setter has 'drive' and bases their goals on their wants and desires and even enjoys the process of working toward their goals. A perfectionist is 'driven' often by the expectations of others, puts so much pressure on themselves that they can't enjoy the process of attaining their goals and is focused only on the end result.

Our next meeting will be August 28, 2006.


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## TruSeeker777

8-28-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting last night with some good input and shares from everyone in attendance.

Just a reminder, we won't be meeting next Monday, Sept. 4, 2006 due to the Labor Day holiday. 

We are going to have a Bunco game night on Saturday, Sept. 9, 2006, starting at 7:00pm. We will be meeting in the "Commons" which is about four doors down from Rejuvenate in the strip mall. If you have never played the game, don't fret. There are many of us that haven't (including me) but we're excited to learn this fun game. You do not have to attend our regular meetings to come to this event. It's open to anyone on this list so email or PM me this week if you can join us.

After group check-in time, we discussed our CBT topic of the night which was on procrastination. When a task seems diffucult or overwhelming, we feel uncomfortable. Procrastination is our way avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Procrastination is a form of self-sabotage and can make us feel guilty, lazy, inadequate, anxious and stupid. 

There are many reasons why we procrastinate such as poor time management or just plain not wanting to do a boring task, but what we mainly focused on last night was how our social anxiety can cause us to procrastinate.

Perfectionism (which was discussed in great detail in our last meeting) is a major reason why we tend to procrastinate. With such negative core beliefs as: "I must be perfect", "It's safer to do nothing than to take a risk and fail", and "If it's not done right, it's not worth doing at all", we could see how this could cause us to want to avoid and keep us from following through on what needs to be done. 

We learned some other causes of procrastination are: fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of change, and lack of self-confidence. For these reasons, we may put off making phone calls, setting appointments, going to job interviews, attending social events and fulfilling our dreams and goals.

Some of the ways we can end procrastination are by using rational self-talk and self-motivating statements, breaking down large tasks into smaller more manageable ones, and rewarding ourselves for completing even the smallest of tasks. 

The following was discussed at our meeting but for those who couldn't make it, here's a fable to think about... 

The "South Indian Monkey Trap" was developed by villagers to catch the ever-present and numerous small monkeys in that part of the world. It involves a hollowed-out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be seen through a small hole. The hole is just big enough so that the monkey can put his hand in, but too small for his fist to come out after he has grabbed the rice.

Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him, his own desire for the rice. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and by doing so retain his freedom. So the trap works and the villagers capture him.

Reflection: The rice I hold onto that keeps me trapped in procrastiation is....

Our next meeting will be September 11, 2006, and don't forget about our game night September 9, 2006.


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## TruSeeker777

9-11-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

Our Bunco game night last Saturday was a blast! We all had a great time learning this fun game, hanging out with each other and eating alot of junk food. If you couldn't make it Saturday, we're hoping to get together again soon.

After our regular group check-in time, we learned about automatic negative thoughts and how they play a central role in our social anxiety. As socially anxious people, we may think that others think badly of us, or that people are judging us. This increases the likelihood for humiliation and embarrassment. To make matters worse, we may think that the things that we assume other people are thinking are true. "They don't want me with them." "They think I'm weird.""They don't like me." Underneath we may believe that we are different or odd and don't quite belong,or that we will do something embarrassing to reveal our inadequacies even if we haven't put these beliefs into words.

Understanding the role of automatic negative thoughts in social anxiety is essential in working out how exactly to overcome it. The main idea is that what we think affects what we feel and do. If we can change the way we think, then our feelings and behavior will change as well. Because we often don't even realize we are having these negative thoughts, a handout was given to help us monitor what negative thoughts and emotions come to mind in an anxiety-provoking situation.

Next week we will continue on and talk about the different types of automatic negative thoughts common in social anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

9-18-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with some interesting discussions and participation by everyone.

We started off with the announcement that our future weekly meetings will be held in the Commons. The Commons is a multi-purpose meeting room that is located just four doors down from Rejuvenate (in the same strip mall) and is right next door to the Velda Rose Medical Office. I will have signs up so it should be easy to find. The meeting day and time will remain the same. I believe this new location will benefit us greatly and I'm excited for everyone to see our new home.

After our group check-in time, we contined on in our discussion on negative thoughts. We listened to an informative podcast by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, a Clinical Psychologist. Dr. Beckham discussed CBT and some of the types of negative thinking that occurs in Social Anxiety.

For those that weren't able to join us, you can listen to the podcast by clicking the following link: http://www.podcast.net/play/38095/13 Thank you, LoveThySelf for the great resource find!

One type of negative thinking we learned about was Personalizing. Personalizing is when you hold yourself personally responsible for a situation that isn't entirely under your control. This can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed or inadequate. For example, if you were giving a presentation and observed a person yawning, you might automatically conclude that you are a really boring speaker without taking other factors into consideration.

Catastrophizing is another type of negative thinking. When you catastrophize, you assume that if a negative event occured it would be terrible and unmanageable. This increases anxiety and panic and may make us more inclined to avoid the situation or event altogether. Examples of catastrophizing are: "It would be terrible if my anxiety showed during my presentation", and "If someone shows signs of not liking me, it feels like the end of the world."

It's important that we learn to identify the different types of negative thinking we have so that we are able to catch patterns in our thinking and implement CBT techniques to reframe our thoughts in future situations.

Don't forget! We are meeting in the Commons next week. Please PM or email me if you have any questions or concerns.


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## TruSeeker777

9-25-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with alot of discussion, support and encouragement from the members. It's awesome to see how we all rally around each other.

We started off the night with the announcement that our meeting room will not be available on October 9, 2006. Instead, it was decided that we would meet at a quiet restaurant and more than likely, this would be just a night to get together and hang out socially, rather than a formal meeting. We will determine the restaurant location and other details at our next meeting.

Also brought to attention was a new social networking site for anxiety sufferers called 
MyAnxiety.org http://www.myanxiety.org This site is similar to the popular MySpace website but offers a more support-oriented atmosphere.

After group check-in, we briefly discussed an article someone from the group brought in on handling stressful situations using a technique called Stress Inoculation Training or SIT. The article referred to it as stress-survival training and likened it to going to a gym to build emotional muscles that will help us adapt to and deal with the daily worries, conflicts and demands that drive us crazy.

Using a 5 step thinking process, you can learn to rethink, reframe and prepare yourself mentally and behaviorally for the stress inducing event. As a result, rather than being caught off balance or taken by surprise, you possess the tools to respond with presence of mind.

With SIT you build up resistance by learning and acquiring and practicing the skills needed to go forward and cope. You're not just managing your stress but actually building your resistance to it. Now that's something I know we can all use!


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## TruSeeker777

10-2-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

As discussed last week, the building we meet in will not be available to us for our next scheduled meeting on October 9, 2006. Instead, it was decided that we will meet at the Village Inn restaurant that night to talk and just hang out. All are welcome to attend, but please PM or email me if you are interested so I can get a general head count of how many will be there. 

After our group check-in we practiced our social skills by doing some role-playing. This was both fun and helpful and we hope to do more of this in the future.

For our CBT, we discussed the eight different categories of negative thought commonly associated with Social Anxiety.

Some of these categories are:

1. Probability Overestimations (or Jumping to Conclusions) - Overestimating the probability that a prediction will come true. Example: "Everyone at the party will think I'm stupid."

2. Personalization - Holding yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. Example: "My boss became angry with me for making a mistake which is proof that I'm incompetent."

3. Catastrophic Thinking (or Catastrophizing) - Assuming if a negative event occurred it would be terrible and unmanageable. Example: "It would be terrible if my anxiety showed during my presentations."

4. Selective Attention and Memory - Selective Attention is the tendency to pay more attention to certain types of information than to other types. Selective Memory is the tendency to remember certain types of information more easily than other types. Example: Focusing on the one low grade on your report card and ignoring all the high grades.

We learned it's important to identify and understand the various kinds of negative thoughts so we can look at them more objectively and work to counteract them with a more positive outlook.


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## TruSeeker777

10-9-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great time Monday night at Village Inn. We discussed many topics and it was nice to just kick back, eat some good food and get to know each other better.

Next Monday we will be back to meeting in the Commons.


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## TruSeeker777

10-16-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and once again, welcomed a new member to our support group family.

We started the meeting by taking care of a few business matters. First up, I showed the group some informative brochures and other items sent to us by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. The ADAA is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to promoting awareness and providing information about anxiety disorders. We were all very appreciative of the items sent and feel they will be a great resource for our group.

Also, we will be participating in the ADAA's "National Stress Out Week" in November. This year's focus is on workplace stress and anxiety disorders in the workplace. They will be sending us more resources and we will collect small donations from our members to help support the ADAA's endeavors.

We spent the rest of the time after our group check-in talking about happiness and whether we have/could ever achieve true happiness in our lives. The responses were very interesting and thought-provoking. We all had our own definitions of what happiness was and we each shared about those things in our lives that bring us happiness. To some, it is our faith in God or a higher power, for others it's friends, family, interests and passions we have. We all concluded that even though it's humanly impossible to live anxiety-free in this world, we can still have moments and seasons of happiness in our lives in spite of our anxiety. It's these moments we cling to that give us hope.

At our next meeting we will be listening to another CBT podcast by Dr. Ed Beckham, Ph.D. on using the Four Column technique to challenge our negative thinking.


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## TruSeeker777

10-23-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and once again, welcomed a new member to our support group family.

After taking care of a few minor business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in. 

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidentional within the group, the main topic of the night was regarding our issues with anxiety in the workplace and how we deal with them. Even though we may want to engage in conversations with co-workers, most of us still find it difficult and often feel the need to go off by ourselves during breaks which can be misperceived by our co-workers and superiors. We concluded that our feelings of fear and inferiority, and our unassertiveness all play a role in our anxiety in the business world where the importance of success, networking with others and over-all competiveness are emphasized. 

At our next meeting we will be listening to another CBT podcast by Dr. Ed Beckham, Ph.D. on using the Four Column technique to challenge our negative thinking.


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## TruSeeker777

10-30-06 Meeting Minutes

It was a great meeting Monday night and we welcomed another person to our support group family.

We started off the meeting with some business matters. We are looking at a possible social outing to the Phoenix Art Museum on Saturday afternoon, November 11, 2006. The art museum recently completed an expansion and they are having their grand opening that weekend. Admission is free. Although we can expect a lot of people to be there, the museum is large so we should be able to go off on our own and away from the crowd when needed. Email or PM me if you are interested in joining us.

Also discussed was possibly setting up a Yahoo! Group. This will be private and open only to those that are on the Anxious Speakers email list. For those that don't know, the Yahoo! Group is like a forum and will enable everyone who is signed up to interact with each other on any topic we choose through emails or posting on our own private Yahoo! page on the web.

The purpose of considering a Yahoo! Group is two-fold. First, it will give the members who attend the weekly meetings a chance to continue on throughout the week in discussing topics brought up at the meeting (or any other topic they choose). Second, by doing this, we hope this will give us a chance to get to know the others on the Anxious Speakers list who aren't able to attend our meetings and include them in our discussions and in receiving support and encouragement from their support group family. 

For our CBT, we listened to two more podcasts by Ed Beckham Ph.D. These podcasts described how using the Four Column Technique can help in challenging our negative thoughts. 

Afterwards, we discussed how difficult it is to challenge those negative thoughts and come to a more rational or neutral thought because of the ingrained beliefs we hold about ourselves and others. So next week we will begin discussing negative core beliefs common in social anxiety and what we can do to change them.


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## TruSeeker777

11-6-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with alot of discussion and sharing from everyone.

We started off the meeting by discussing a possible social outing to the Phoenix Art Museum this Saturday. Some of us were concerned about the crowds of people attending and about the availability of parking for this grand opening event. We are still working out the details but we may postpone this to a later date. For those who expressed an interest in going, I will be in touch with you later this week. 

For our CBT, we revisited the topic of core beliefs. Core beliefs (positive or negative) are the deeply held ideas and philosophies we have about ourselves, other people, and the world that are usually developed in childhood or early in adult life. 

Negative core beliefs are the driving force behind our negative thoughts, the rules we live by and the assumptions we make in social situations.

Some examples of negative core beliefs, rules and assumptions in social anxiety are:

Beliefs:
- I'm weird...different...boring...stupid
- I'm inferior...inadequate...unacceptable...unlikeable
- People are always judging me...criticizing...looking out for things I do wrong.

Rules and Assumptions:
- I must be amusing and interesting or people won't like me.
- You've got to do things right if you're going to be acceptable.
- If the conversation doesn't go well it is my fault.

As we discussed this, we identified some of our own core beliefs and shared how they have affected our lives and helped determine the way in which we conduct ourselves in social situations.

Next week, we will learn about ways to challenge and change our negative core beliefs to positive ones.


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## TruSeeker777

11-13-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with alot of participation from everyone in attendance.

We began the meeting by discussing the ADAA's ( http://www.adaa.org ) National StressOut week house party event that we will be participating in at our next meeting. The ADAA has set up this event to raise awareness and to collect small donations for their national non-profit organization. I received a package from them filled with pamphlets and brochures, a book, and other goodies to help us de-stress. Our next meeting will be a laid-back one. I'll be bringing some chocolate brownies the ADAA provided to us. Feel free to bring some chips or snacks.

After group check-in we learned about some tools we can use to identify and change our negative core beliefs. One tool is the Vertical Arrow Technique. This is used to get down to the root issue (or core belief) of a negative thought. We also discussed some key questions we can ask ourselves when challenging a negative core belief. We also learned how the use of self-affirmations is another way to counter our negative beliefs. Since negative core beliefs are hard to change, these positive statements help train our minds to substitute the affirmation for the negative belief.


----------



## AlekParker

Hi TruSeeker777, it looks like you all are on top of your game out there. I'm trying to get help for a lot of my SA probs and avoidance etc... I wish there was something out in LA like this, and i think we're in the process of putting something together. I like how you guys do some CBT in your groups. I went to a self-help group here in LA which was good because you could share about your experiences, but it didn't have CBT and therapy like you guys practice.

I was wondering.. Where do you get your CBT methods? Have you tried role-playing methods? Are you guys feeling the benefits of the therapy and group meetings since you've started?


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## TruSeeker777

AlekParker said:


> Hi TruSeeker777, it looks like you all are on top of your game out there. I'm trying to get help for a lot of my SA probs and avoidance etc... I wish there was something out in LA like this, and i think we're in the process of putting something together. I like how you guys do some CBT in your groups. I went to a self-help group here in LA which was good because you could share about your experiences, but it didn't have CBT and therapy like you guys practice.
> 
> I was wondering.. Where do you get your CBT methods? Have you tried role-playing methods? Are you guys feeling the benefits of the therapy and group meetings since you've started?


Hi AlekParker,

We use several books that I have for the CBT and from those (and sometimes researching the internet) I make up handouts for us to go through. Here's the books, in no particular order, I use the most:

1. The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns, M.D.
2. Managing Social Anxiety-A CBT Approach Client Workbook by TherapyWorks.
3. The shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook by Martin M. Antony, Ph.D. & Richard P Swinson, M.D.
4. Been There, Done That? Do This! by Sam Obitz
5. The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D.
6. Overcoming Social Anxiety & Shyness by Gillian Butler
7. CBT for Dummies by Rob Willson & Rhena Branch (don't laugh, it's a very informative book  )

Out of those books I think I'd recommend starting with #6, 3, 5 & 1.

We've done some role playing and I hope to incorporate that more into the group. I'd also like to see us do short presentations and mock job interviews since most of us struggle with those.

You can see the format we follow by going to our website at http://www.orgsites.com/az/anxiousspeakers Also, you might want to check out http://www.orgsites.com. They host free websites for non-profits organizations, groups and clubs so it's perfect for a support group.

I've seen some change in the group members since we've started. I know being the facilitator has really made a difference in my SA. When we first started, I had a hard time focusing on running the group because I was so anxious, but that's gotten alot better.

I started up the group in May so I'm still pretty new at it but I'd be glad to help you guys in any way I can to get your group going.


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## crazyg

Hi TruSeeker777,
This group sounds amazing. I'm really impressed. I'm planning on possibly moving to Phoenix sometime in the spring...probably around April or May. I'm moving to be with my boyfriend but, I don't know anyone else in the area. I'd like to come to some meetings...though, I'm not sure what I'd tell my boyfriend since though he knows I'm shy...I have an issue telling anyone (even those I'm close with) about my social anxiety. Anyway, I'd still like to join somehow. I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised. Maybe, I'd phrase it as being a "self help" group...man, I'm weird and obsessive. ha... Anyway, I just think it's so amazing that you have a group started and you seem to be doing great. If I do move, and get the nerve to join, would you be up for having one more?


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## TruSeeker777

crazyg said:


> Hi TruSeeker777,
> This group sounds amazing. I'm really impressed. I'm planning on possibly moving to Phoenix sometime in the spring...probably around April or May. I'm moving to be with my boyfriend but, I don't know anyone else in the area. I'd like to come to some meetings...though, I'm not sure what I'd tell my boyfriend since though he knows I'm shy...I have an issue telling anyone (even those I'm close with) about my social anxiety. Anyway, I'd still like to join somehow. I'm sure he wouldn't be surprised. Maybe, I'd phrase it as being a "self help" group...man, I'm weird and obsessive. ha... Anyway, I just think it's so amazing that you have a group started and you seem to be doing great. If I do move, and get the nerve to join, would you be up for having one more?


Sure, crazyg. You can join us anytime.  Let's keep in touch and then you can just tell your boyfriend you have an online friend in Arizona. :squeeze

Karen


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## crazyg

Thanks Truseeker777!
I'm starting to get excited. Yay!


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## AlekParker

God I wish we had you out here in LA Karen. I don't know if i have the capacity to organize a group therapy group yet... I really wish someone out here would do one. I do have the option of one that is run by a therapist but it's expensive. I might just have to go with that route if no one can step up and actually organize one of these out here.

Anyways I'll look into those books you recommended. Right now i'm working on Dr Richard's tapes and i've felt some progress. Also i've received therapy several yrs ago and also do a lot of exposure forcing myself to do situations i hate. I'm still anxious, but i force myself to do crap, and i guess i'm pretty good at hiding my fear now. The problem is it's still there... What I haven't done is CBT and i'm looking to do that in a group setting like you guys do. Anyways good job once again!


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## TruSeeker777

Thanks Alek. Just remember that if you start up a support group it will more than likely be a 'peer' support group, meaning that it's not run by a professional. You don't have to run it 'right' because there is no right way and you don't have to have all the answers either. All you really need to do is provide a safe place for people with SA to connect with each other. A place where they have a chance to share their struggles and receive encouragement from one another and learn some tools to help overcome SA. You just have to facilitate the group to make sure it has some order and that the meetings run smoothly. Having a co-facilitator is a big plus as it takes some of the pressure off of you in leading it, making decisions, etc. If you decide to do CBT, you just need to come up with a topic for each meeting and bring along some supporting materials...a book, an article you've read, a podcast you've found, etc. And encourage the other members to share what they've learned too. Alot of times, the topic for the next meeting will come up from the discussions that follow from our individual check-in time. So you can kinda get a feel about where your group as a whole is going and what areas you guys need to work on from that. Having some social outings from time to time also helps to bond the group and creates a fun supportive family atmosphere for everyone which is something most of us have never experienced.

It's a total learning process...finding out what works and what doesn't. When I first started, some meetings would go off without a hitch and I'd go home feeling great about it, other times I felt I didn't really lead it that well and I'd go home and beat myself up over it. But the bottom line is I'm struggling with SA too. I'm doing the best I can and that's all that's really expected of me....And that's all that anyone will expect from you.


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## TruSeeker777

11-20-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a fun meeting Monday night as we took part in the National Stress-out event sponsored by the ADAA.

We started off the meeting by handing out some goodies the ADAA sent to us. These include brochures on anxiety and how to handle stress in the workplace, packets of calming tea, stress relieving squeeze-balls, a book on fear, and some yummy brownies.

After our group check-in period we set aside our regular meeting format and spent the rest of the time playing a dominoes game called Chicken Feet. We were having so much fun playing the game that no one wanted to leave, and it was great having this time to just kick back and get to know each other better.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

11-27-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with some good discussions.

After our group check-in time, we jumped right into our topic of the night which was about Assertiveness. Most of us with social anxiety struggle in this area.

We learned that assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other person.

When being assertive it's important to use "I" statements such as I think... I feel... I want...

A common language formula in assertiveness is:

When (describe behavior)
I feel--(state your feeling)
Because (effect or consequence on your situation)
I'd prefer (offer compromise)

Example: "When you play your music late at night I can't get to sleep, and I feel miserable the next day. Please turn your music down after 10 pm."

Acting assertively is a way of developing self-respect and self-worth.

We may not be able to comfortably express our needs because deep down we may not believe we have a legitimate right to have those needs or even know what they are.

To help us with this, we read a list of rights called the "Personal Bill of Rights". We each took turns reading a statement and when we were done we all agreed it really made us feel empowered hearing them.

For those that weren't able to attend, I'm including them here. You may want to put these up somewhere so you can see them everyday, or make a recording of you personally stating them so they really sink in.

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say 'I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say 'I don't know.
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect
25. I have the right to be happy.

See what I mean by empowering?

Next week, we are going to role play some assertive situations and put to the test some of the techniques we've learned.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

12-4-06 Meeting Minutes

We had another great time of sharing and discussion Monday night with full participation from everyone in attendance.

We started off the meeting by deciding on having a holiday party for our Dec. 18th meeting. This will be the last group meeting of the year since both Christmas and the New Year's holidays fall on a Monday. We will make it a fun social night with games and food, and we talked about doing a Secret Santa or White Elephant gift exchange. For those that weren't able to attend Monday's meeting, please email me and let me know what you would prefer.

After our group check-in, we continued on with our topic of Assertiveness by looking at some example everyday situations where assertiveness was required and also real-life situations that the members had encountered. We may avoid being assertive because we fear the other person might blow-up at us in a confrontational situation, or we fear being rejected by the other person. We also may still be unclear as to our right to be assertive in the first place, or fear offending or hurting the other person's feelings. We all agreed that every situation is different and factors such as underlying motives and individual personalities, as well as respecting ourselves by acknowledging our personal rights, should be considered when confronting others.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

12-11-06 Meeting Minutes

We had a great turnout at Monday's meeting with a lot of sharing and discussion by all.

We started out the meeting talking about our upcoming Holiday party next Monday, taking place at our regular meeting location and time. It was decided that we would have a White Elephant gift exchange. Those who would like to participate in this need to bring a wrapped or gift bagged item to the party. We have set a spending range of $1.00 up to 5.00. Dollar store items are encouraged and very acceptable for this event. White Elephant gifts are generally anonymous so we will have a bag by the front door you can put them in when you arrive. We will play some games as well and feel free to bring some snacks to share. I want this to be a fun, laid-back night for us to just hang out and celebrate the holidays with our support group family and I'm looking forward to seeing you all there. Feel free to email me with any questions you have.

After group check-in, one of our members led a discussion on establishing new beliefs. He shared with us what he has learned in his own struggles with anxiety and the process he takes to overcome it.

We start by identifying something that we want to change, (something that is causing us to react anxiously) and work at convincing ourselves that it is truly irrational to continue reacting this way and that it's possible to overcome this problem. The way to stop the anxiety is to stop thinking about what caused it. We need to 'just do it' which is hard for us because it involves establishing a new belief that we actually can do it. Obviously, this process won't happen overnight. It takes a lot of time and practice, but the more we work on recognizing our negative thought patterns that constantly tell us we can't 'just do it', and identify them as irrational, the easier it will be to let go of our negative beliefs and establish new ones.

Next week, we party!


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## kickit

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

im in ottawa. but i was planning to save money and go to arizona next year. I hear they have this support group there with really good results. its called dr.thomas richards support group. anybody tried..since you guys live in arizona already?


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

Kickit,

I haven't personally been to Dr. Richard's group but a few of the support group members have. They have told me that it did help them but his program is expensive and it only runs for so many weeks. So from what I understand, it's not an ongoing support group.

You are welcome to join our weekly peer support group anytime.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

12-18-06 Meeting Minutes

We had an awesome time at our first annual ASAZ Holiday party Monday night, with nine people in attendance from our support group family.

The White Elephant gift exchange was alot of fun. We all commented on how creative people were with their gifts, and we had a blast playing dominoes the rest of the night.

Thanks to all who came and made the party a success.

Just a reminder, we will not be meeting on December 25, 2006 or January 1, 2007 due to the holidays. We will resume our regular meetings on January 8, 2007.

I hope everyone has a great holiday.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

1-8-07 Meeting Minutes

After having a few weeks off due to the holidays, we had our first meeting of the year Monday. It was good to see everyone again and get back to our regular schedule.

After taking care of a few minor business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group,one topic shared was the stress and loneliness experienced during the holiday season. We also discussed topics and activities we would like to try in future meetings such as performance skits, role playing and presentations.

At our next meeting we will be discussing relaxation and stress reduction techniques.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

1-15-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

We started off the meeting with a few business matters. Mainly, we talked about some different ways we can promote the group such as posting our support group information on websites like Craigslist and meetin.com.

After group check-in, one of our members gave an excellent presentation on some methods of relaxation. Among the types discussed were meditation, imagery, deep breathing, progressive muscular relaxation, yoga, and using music or relaxation tapes to reduce stress and anxiety. We also listened to a short guided meditation on cd that had us focus on our breathing while using a counting method during inhalation and exhalation. We all found this meditation relaxing and helpful and we definitely plan on incorporating more of these relaxation methods in future meetings.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

1-22-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed three new members to our support group family.

After group check-in, one of our members gave an excellent presentation on the hypnosis process and how it can be a beneficial option for the treatment of anxiety and stress reduction, as well as weight loss, smoking cessation and self-esteem issues.

Presentations are a great way for members to work on their public speaking skills in a supportive setting, and everyone is encouraged to participate.

We ended the meeting by listening to a hypnosis cd on self-esteem which left us all feeling relaxed and positive and ready to tackle the week ahead.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

1-29-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and sharing by everyone in attendance.

After our regular group check-in time, we revisited the topic of Automatic Negative Thoughts and how they play a central role in our social anxiety. As socially anxious people, we may think that others think badly of us, or that people are judging us. This increases the likelihood for humiliation and embarrassment. To make matters worse, we may think that the things that we assume other people are thinking are true. "They don't want me with them." "They think I'm weird." "They don't like me." Underneath we may believe that we are different or odd and don't quite belong, or that we will do something embarrassing to reveal our inadequacies even if we haven't put these beliefs into words.

Understanding the role of Automatic Negative Thoughts in social anxiety is essential in working out how exactly to overcome it. The main idea is that what we think affects what we feel and do. If we can change the way we think, then our feelings and behavior will change as well. Because we often don't even realize we are having these negative thoughts, a form was handed out to help us monitor what negative thoughts and emotions come to mind in an anxiety-provoking situation.


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## cicada

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

TruSeeker777,

I am very impressed with your group. I am trying to get my group started back up and I am thinking about borrowing some of your ideas, if you don't mind. (I'm guessing you don't, or you wouldn't have put all the info on this site.) The task of running a group seems overwhelming, but seeing how you've done it really helps. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us. Keep up the good work.


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## TruSeeker777

*Re: re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

Thanks cicada! It's just been a lot of trial and error in finding our what works for the group and what doesn't, and I'm still learning. Good luck with your group and feel free to borrow any ideas. 



cicada said:


> TruSeeker777,
> 
> I am very impressed with your group. I am trying to get my group started back up and I am thinking about borrowing some of your ideas, if you don't mind. (I'm guessing you don't, or you wouldn't have put all the info on this site.) The task of running a group seems overwhelming, but seeing how you've done it really helps. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us. Keep up the good work.


----------



## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

2-5-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed one new member to our support group family.

After taking care of a few minor business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include the symptoms and types of treatment available for social anxiety, struggles with anxiety in the work place, and some individual triumphs in our efforts to overcome this debilitating disorder.


----------



## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of sharing and discussion time.

After our group check-in, we took turns reading out loud from two handouts on Automatic Negative Thoughts. The first one dealt with how our conscious and subconscious minds work together to create our "mental reality" and what we focus our minds on, negative or positive, will grow. A foot path through a meadow was used as an analogy. Frequent use of a foot path creates a well-defined pathway. But if the path isn't used, it eventually disappears. Our minds are creatures of habit. Just like a path through a meadow, neural pathways in the brain are "worn in" or strengthened by frequent use. But unused neural pathways will slowly disappear. The handout suggests that if you give frequent attention to negative thoughts and conditions, they will grow stronger and more defined. So if you focus your mind on positive thoughts, your "positive" neural pathways will gain strength and definition and your "negative" neural pathways will weaken.

The last handout was on challenging Automatic Negative Thoughts. The first thing is to be aware of what you are saying to yourself. You can ask yourself "what is going through my mind?" or "what is it about this situation that is upsetting me?"

We can challenge our thoughts by asking ourselves a series of questions like:

- Is this thought helpful?
- Am I being realistic with this situation?
- What's the evidence for and against my thought?
- Am I focusing on the negative and ignoring other information?
- Am I jumping to conclusions without looking at all the facts?
- Is there another way of looking at this situation?
- What can I say to myself that will help me remain calmer and help me achieve what I want to achieve in this situation?

By becoming aware of our Automatic Negative Thoughts and then challenging or questioning them, these thoughts can be changed and we can feel happier and more in control.

Next week, we will work on some of our individual social situations that provoke anxiety by using role play and exposure techniques.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

2-19-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a fun meeting Monday night with alot of discussion and participation from everyone in attendance.

After our group check-in time, we changed things up a little by doing some role play and exposure exercises, addressing issues like being the center of attention, telephone and conversational skills and answering difficult questions.

Acting out these situations in a controlled and safe environment gives us the ability to observe our behaviour and responses while receiving supportive and encouraging feedback from others so when we are faced with these types of social situations in our daily lives, we will be better equipped to respond.

Although we were challenged and taken out of our comfort zone a bit, we had a lot of fun with the exercises as well and we all agreed that we need to implement more of these types of activities in future meetings.


----------



## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

2-26-07 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night as we welcomed two new members to our support group family.

We started off the meeting talking about planning a group picnic for March. I'll write more about it when we firm up a date. Everyone is invited to attend even if you aren't able to make our weekly meetings.

After taking care of some business matters, we spent most of the remaining time with an extended group check-in Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include classroom anxiety and dealing with difficult classmates, anxiety associated with being the center of attention, fear of rejection and the origins of social anxiety.

We ended the meeting by listening to a guided relaxation exercise on diaphragmatic breathing.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

We started off with a few business matters to attend to. First up, we talked about the picnic we are planning. We have tentatively set the date for Sunday, March 18, 2007 at Chaparral Park in Scottsdale, from around 12:30pm to 4:00pm. We talked about getting some pizza from the Domino's near the park and then we can all bring other food and snacks to share as well. Everyone is invited so email or PM me if you are interested in attending. We'll firm everything up at our next meeting and I'll let everyone know the final plans.

After our group check-in, we played an icebreaker-type game that was really fun. We tossed around a colorful beachball and whatever color our left thumb landed on, we answered a question from a card that corresponded to that color. Some were standard questions like "what's your favorite food" or "do you have any siblings". Others were fun questions like "what's under your bed" or "do you fold your underwear". These questions got us talking and laughing and helped us open up to each other while working on our conversational skills. We had a blast doing this and we all agreed we need to play this game again soon.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

3-12-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of participation from everyone in attendance.

We started off the meeting finalizing plans for our picnic at Chaparral Park in Scottsdale, on Sunday, March 18, 2007 from 12:30-4:00pm. This is going to be fun! We'll hang out and talk and play some games and take in the beautiful atmosphere of the lake and the surrounding area.

Everyone is invited to attend this event. For those that are not able to make our weekly meetings, this would be a great time to meet everyone and connect with the group.

Please email or PM me if you'd like to attend so I can give you all the details and so that we have an idea of how many people to expect, and also feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you have.

A lot of us have struggled recently with asserting ourselves in difficult social situations, so after our group check-in time we discussed ways we could be more assertive. We then role played a telephone conversation where assertiveness was required. Role playing in the group is a safe way to work on these issues by trying out different approaches or new techniques while receiving encouragement and support from others.

We ended the meeting by each of us taking turns reading a statement from a list of rights called the "Personal Bill of Rights".


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

3-19-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with a lot of discussion and participation from everyone in attendance.

First, I want to thank everyone who attended our picnic on Saturday. It was a blast! We had a total of seven people show up. We ate a lot of junk food, played a really fun game called Apples to Apples and even played some volleyball. We'll definitely do this again sometime.

Here's a pic










After our group check-in time, we discussed healthy ways of giving and receiving criticism. This is especially difficult for those of us with low self-esteem.

Some suggestions when receiving criticism are:

1) Listen - don't interrupt or start excusing yourself.
2) Agree - where possible, ask for clarification.
3) When you're wrong, admit it and apologize.
4) If criticism is wrong or unfair, say: 'I'm afraid that I don't agree with you.'

Some healthy and constructive ways in giving criticism are:

1) Use the word 'I', not the word 'you'.
2) Keep calm and do some deep breathing.
3) Use the 'criticism sandwich' technique. This means that you say something nice to the person you're criticizing, then you insert the criticism, then you end with something else that's nice or positive or flattering.
4) Always try to criticize a person's behavior rather than the person.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

3-26-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great turnout at Monday's meeting with a lot of sharing and discussion by all.

After a brief relaxation breathing exercise, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group,one topic shared was about growth and success in our on-going individual efforts to overcome social anxiety. Anxious Speakers of Arizona has been around for almost a year now. In that time, we have changed and grown and other people have noticed this in us. More importantly, we have noticed it in ourselves. We are not the same people we were a year ago. We have a better understanding of our anxiety and have learned different ways to respond and cope with it.

At our next meeting we will be discussing self esteem and the effects low self esteem has on our anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

4-3-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and sharing by all in attendance.

After our group check-in, we discussed the topic of self esteem and ways we can raise our self esteem.

We learned the word 'esteem'comes from a Latin word which means 'to estimate'. So self esteem is how you estimate yourself.

To do that you need to ask yourself:

- Do I like myself?
- Do I think I'm a good human being?
- Am I someone deserving of love?
- Do I deserve happiness?
- Do I really feel - both in my mind and deep in my guts - that I'm an OK person?

If you find it hard to answer yes to those questions, then chances are you probably struggle with low self-esteem.

Some tips for a healthy self esteem:

1. Do not put yourself down. If you are suffering from low self esteem your tendency will be to underestimate yourself and repeat negative comments regarding your skills and abilities.

2. Do not compare yourself to other people. You are no better nor worse than other people. You have value and worth just because you are alive. You are a wonderful, individual and special person. From your fingerprints and your DNA, to your mind and how it thinks and operates, they are absolutely your own. This means that out of six billion people in the world, you are one of a kind!

3. Accept compliments. Don't feel guilty or try to justify yourself, just say 'thank you'.

4. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

5. Acknowledge your successes. Everyday write down five things in which you were successful.

6. Acknowledge your positive qualities. Review during the day what your positive qualities and skills are. Praise yourself for things done well.

7. Do something you enjoy doing. Doing something you like will increase your sense of your own value and enjoyment.

8. Make a contribution. Do something for other people. Help a good cause. These acts will give you purpose and value.

We ended the meeting with role playing some awkward social situations. Role playing in the group is a safe way to work on these issues by trying out different approaches or new techniques while receiving encouragement and support from others.


----------



## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

4-9-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed two new members to our support group family!

After our group check-in we learned about the Johari Window model and how it can be used to better understand our interpersonal communication and relationships.

The Johari Window model is illustrated as a four paned "window" that divides how we interact with one another into four areas, or "panes:" Open, Hidden (or Facade), Blind and Unknown. Each quadrant represents personal information about a person and reveals information that is "open" or "closed." The "open" area is what is known by an individual and what others know about the person. The "hidden" area is what a person knows about themselves but others do not know. The "blind" area is what is unknown to the person but known by others. The "unknown" area is what is unknown by a person and what others do not know about that person.

In healthy communication the Open area is larger than the others. This is accomplished by self-disclosure and receiving feedback. Self-disclosure reduces the hidden area and receiving feedback reduces the blind area. When those areas are reduced the unknown area also gets smaller.

Here's a link with an illustration and further explanation:Johari Window


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

4-16-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of participation from everyone in attendance.

After our group check-in time, we learned how people pleasing and approval seeking can hurt our relationships. We may think that being overly compliant and not expressing our own needs and desires will make others accept us more and lessen our anxiety in our social interactions but it can actually make them worse causing stress, depression and resentment.

People pleasing is a learned behavior from our childhoods and is rooted in the fear of disapproval and fear of rejection. We will do anything to guarantee that we will be liked and accepted.

To stop people pleasing we need to assert ourselves and be honest about our own needs and wants and not agree to do something we don't want to do just because we fear we will make others mad or disappointed with us.

This calm assertiveness and self-interest is not the same as selfishness. Self-interest is about taking care of yourself. Selfishness is much less about taking responsibility for looking after yourself and much more about demanding that you get what you want, when you want without considering anyone else.

We ended the meeting playing an icebreaker type game that was really fun and helped us get to know each other better.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

4-23-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

After our group check-in, we discussed the topic of worry and learned about ways of handling worry and the anxiety it causes.

Worry can affect our thoughts, behavior, feelings and our physical body. A few examples are:

- Worry makes you hyper vigilant and keeps you always on the lookout for problems, difficulties or disasters. (thoughts)
- Worry interferes with your performance. (behavior)
- Worry makes you feel out of control, overwhelmed, or that you can't cope. (feelings)
- Worry makes you weary and tired. (physical)

Some things we can do to distract ourselves from worry are:

- Physical exercise.
- Talk to someone.
- Twenty minutes of deep relaxation or meditation.
- Listen to music.
- Work on a creative project.
- Positive affirmations like "Let go and let God", or "These are just thoughts - they're fading away".
- Thought-stopping. When you find yourself having a worrisome thought, train yourself to visualize a large stop sign and say to yourself "Stop!"
- Postpone your worry. "Wait to Worry". Try to postpone your worry for short periods of time and work up to longer periods of time. The longer we can postpone our worry, the more apt our minds are to move on to something else.
- Plan an effective action to deal with a situation that worries you. Start by making a list of all the possible things you can do to deal with and improve the situation. While going through each idea, put a question mark by the ones that seem impossible or too difficult to do. Next, put a check by the ones that you can do in the next week to a month. Set out to do all the things that you've checked off and when they are complete, move on to the more difficult things.


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## Mngirl

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

Is this different than the SAI support group in Phoenix?


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

Mngirl, yes it is different. We are a peer support group, not professional therapy. We meet in Mesa, Arizona and all meetings are free.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

4-30-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with a lot of discussion and participation by all.

After our group check-in, we listened to an informative podcast by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, a Clinical Psychologist. The podcast was called "Social Anxiety - An Introduction" and he gave a good overview of the possible causes, symptoms and effects Social Anxiety has on our lives.

If you would like to listen to Dr. Beckham's podcast, it is available for download free from Itunes, or you can read the transcript in pdf format from his website at http://www.drbeckham.com/handouts/CHAP13_COPING_WITH_SOCIAL_ANXIETY.pdf

We ended our meeting by taking turns reading out loud a list of rights called the "Personal Bill of Rights". These rights are very empowering and for those that weren't able to attend, I'm including them here. You may want to put these up somewhere so you can see them everyday, or make a recording of you personally stating them so they really sink in.

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say 'I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say 'I don't know.
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect
25. I have the right to be happy.

Next week, we will be discussing the different types of Automatic Negative Thoughts and how they drive our Social Anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

5-7-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with alot of discussion and participation by everyone in attendance.

We started off the meeting eating some cupcakes in celebration of the group's one year anniversary! It's really cool to see how much we've all changed and grown in the past year and I'm excited to see what the future brings for the group.

An announcement was made about a concert that the Rejuvenate Coffeehouse is having this Friday, May 11, 2007 at 7:00pm. This is a free event and will feature Linda Dam, Shawn Tyler Gray and David Lee. You can get more info from Rejuvenate's myspace page http://www.myspace.com/rejuvenatecoffeeshop I may be going to this concert so get in touch with me if you are interested in joining me there.

After group check-in, we started a review of the different types of negative thoughts we have that fuel our social anxiety.

- Probability Overestimation (or Jumping to Conclusions): Overestimating the probability that a prediction will come true. Ex. "Everyone at the party will think I am stupid".

- Mind Reading: An exaggerated or false assumption that people are thinking negatively about you. Ex. "People find me boring".

- Personalization: Holding yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. This thought distortion leads to feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. Ex. "My boss became angry with me for making a mistake which is proof that I'm incompetent".

- Should Statements: Telling yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. Similar to saying "must", "ought" and "have to". Should statements directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are against other people or the world in general lead to anger and frustration. Ex. "I must never inconvenience other people".

- Catastrophizing: Assuming if a negative event occured it would be terrible and unmanageable. Ex. "If someone shows signs of not liking me, it feels like the end of the world".

- All or Nothing Thinking (or Black and White Thinking): Interpreting a performance that isn't completely perfect as being inadequate. It is related to having unrealistic expectations. Ex. "If I lose my train of thought even once, I will blow the entire presentation".

Since it is these thoughts that cause our anxiety, learning to identify the different types is an important part of the CBT process. In future meetings we will be discussing ways to challenge and counteract these thoughts with a more neutral and rational response.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

5-14-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with everyone in attendance participating.

An announcement was made at the start of the meeting that we WILL be meeting next Monday, May 21, 2007, but we will NOT be meeting the following Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.

After our group check-in, we learned about some ways to challenge our negative thinking.

Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true so when you have a negative thought, ask yourself:

"Is this thought helpful?"
"Am I being realistic?"
"Is this an example of one of the common types of negative thoughts?"

One way to challenge a negative thought is to look for evidence by asking yourself:

"What's the evidence for and against my thought?"
"Am I focusing on the negatives and ignoring other information?"
"Am I jumping to conclusions without looking at all the facts?"

We can also search for alternative explanations by asking ourselves:

"Are there any other possible explanations?"
"Is there another way of looking at this?"
"How would someone else think if they were in this situation?"
"Am I being too inflexible in my thinking?"

We can try putting our thoughts into perspective by asking ourselves:

"Is it as bad as I am making it out to be? What is the worst that could happen?
How likely is it that the worst will happen? Even if it did happen, would it really
be that bad? What could I do to get through it?"

Try to come up with a more helpful or positive thought by asking yourself:

"What can I say to myself that will help me remain calmer and help me 
achieve what I want to achieve in this situation?"

Although we all struggle with Automatic Negative Thoughts, and although we aren't always very aware of them, the good news is they can be changed and that by challenging or questioning these thoughts, we can feel happier and more in control.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

5-21-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday with a lot of discussion and participation by all.

An announcement was made that we will NOT be meeting next Monday, May 28, 2007 due to the Memorial Day holiday.

After our group check-in, we listened to two informative podcasts by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, a Clinical Psychologist. The first podcast was an introduction to the Four Column form that is used in CBT to refute negative thoughts. The other podcast gave examples of using the form specifically for social anxiety situations.

If you would like to listen to Dr. Beckham's podcasts, they are available for download free from Itunes, or you can read the transcripts in pdf format from his website at http://www.drbeckham.com


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

6-4-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with participation and discussion by everyone.

After our group check-in time, we continued our discussion on dealing with negative thoughts.

We learned about a cognitive tool called the Vertical Arrow Technique which is a written method used to help uncover the underlying assumptions and beliefs that are driving our negative thoughts. Uncovering those deeply held beliefs allows us to work toward changing them to be more realistic and positive which will eliminate the negative thoughts.

Another technique is called thought defusion and is used in Acceptance and Commitment therapy. ACT teaches you to notice the thought but at the same time distance your mind from it. Some tips for defusing your thoughts are:

- Practice noticing your thoughts. Try to be conscious of where your mind leads you, and label the type of thought you're having to yourself. For example, if you've made a mistake at work and are feeling bad about it, think to yourself, "I've noticed that I'm focused on my error right now." If you're feeling stupid about the mistake, say to yourself, "Right now,, I'm criticizing myself."

- If you find that one particular thought or phrase is running through your head, like "I'm a loser", try saying your troubling thought out loud, and either very slowly or in a funny voice. It seems silly, but by doing this, you're actively separating yourself from your mental soundtrack. You remind yourself that these thoughts are being generated out of a mental habit.

- Think of your self-destructive or self-critical thoughts as internet pop-up ads. Don't criticize them or yourself for having them. Just think of them as unnecessary, meaningless noise.

These tips are ways to become aware of our inner negative chatter and distancing ourselves from it enough so it doesn't develop into all-consuming and paralyzing anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

6-11-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed one new member to our support group family.

After taking care of a few minor business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in that included alot of good discussion and participation by all.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include struggles with anxiety in the work place, the issue of control, and some individual moments of breakthrough in our efforts to overcome this debilitating disorder.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

6-18-07 Meeting Minutes

Monday's meeting went well with a lot of productive discussion time.

Our meeting time was spent in an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group,it was a time for us to share from our hearts the struggles we face. It really makes a difference in our lives when we feel safe enough to have the courage to be transparent with each other and offer support and encouragement to one another.

Next week, we will be discussing negative core beliefs and how they perpetuate our negative thoughts and anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

6-25-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with participation and discussion by everyone.

After our group check-in time, for our CBT we revisited the topic of core beliefs. Core beliefs (positive or negative) are the deeply held ideas and philosophies we have about ourselves, other people, and the world that are usually developed in childhood or early in adult life.

Negative core beliefs are the driving force behind our negative thoughts, the rules we live by and the assumptions we make in social situations.

Some examples of negative core beliefs, rules and assumptions in social anxiety are:

Beliefs:
- I'm weird...different...boring...stupid
- I'm inferior...inadequate...unacceptable...unlikeable
- People are always judging me...criticizing...looking out for things I do wrong.

Rules and Assumptions:
- I must be amusing and interesting or people won't like me.
- You've got to do things right if you're going to be acceptable.
- If the conversation doesn't go well it is my fault.

As we discussed this, we identified some of our own core beliefs and shared how they have affected our lives and helped determine the way in which we conduct ourselves in social situations.

We ended the meeting by playing a few rounds of the Mad Libs game.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

7-2-07 Meeting Minutes

Monday night's meeting went well with great participation by all in attendance.

After taking care of some business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in that included some really challenging and thought provoking discussions.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed were the options available and struggles we have in choosing a career, anxiety in the work place, and the possible origins of social anxiety including genetics and learned behavior.

Have a great Fourth of July everyone!


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

7-9-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed three new members to our support group family!

We began the meeting with an announcement about a concert coming up on Saturday, July 14, 2007 at the Rejuvenate Coffee House. Rejuvenate is located next door to Latitude Church. Laurell will be performing, along with Amy Kuney and local artist David Lee. A few of us from the group saw Laurell perform at Rejuvenate last year and we had a great time. The concert starts at 7:30pm and the cost to get in is only $7.00 at the door. Below are some links to the artists Myspace pages so you can hear what they sound like. I'll probably be there on Saturday so if you're interested in attending, let me know and I'll try to save us a table.

http://www.myspace.com/listentolaurell Laurell
http://www.myspace.com/amykuney Amy Kuney
http://www.myspace.com/davidlee2007 David Lee

After our group check-in time, we continued in our discussion on negative core beliefs and looked at the ways we can challenge and change our beliefs. One way is by asking ourselves some key questions, such as:

- What is the evidence for this belief? Looking objectively at all of your life experience, what is the evidence that this is true?

- Would you judge someone else who felt like you do in the same way? What would you say to someone else who held a belief like this one?

- Are you forgetting that everyone makes mistakes, gets things wrong, and feels socially uncomfortable at times? That no one can be perfect?

- Are you ignoring your strengths and focusing on your weaknesses? Ignoring the successes and friendships, while focusing on failures and embarrassments?

- Are you judging yourself as you have (once) been judged? If so, what makes the person, or other people who judged you, right now. Who is the best authority on you? Other people or yourself?

- Does this belief promote your well-being and/or peace of mind?

- Did you choose this belief on your own or did it develop out of your experience of growing up in your family?

Oftentimes we are so anxious that what we expect to happen and what actually does happen in a social situation are worlds apart, so another way we can challenge our negative core beliefs is by using a counter-belief worksheet to predict what will happen in a future event where that belief might be triggered and then record our observations and conclusions after the event. This is a good way to look at all of the evidence objectively so we can modify our belief, if needed.

As painful as it is to face these beliefs, we could definitely see how identifying and challenging them would be helpful in overcoming social anxiety.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

7-16-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation by all in attendance.

After our group check-in, we began reading a chapter from the book by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, entitled "A Personal Guide to Coping". Dr. Beckham has made this book available free of charge online in pdf format and it can be accessed using the following link: http://www.drbeckham.com/CopingHandouts.htm

The chapter we started reading dealt with Coping with Perfectionism. Perfectionism can cause a lot of anxiety, especially when it concerns our interactions with others and our self-evaluations of our performance in social situations.

We learned about three types of perfectionism. The "self-blaming perfectionist" sets up rigid and unrealistic expectations for themselves. They usually see their flaws much more clearly than their strengths. The "task master perfectionist" has allowed their high standards to spill over from applying just to them to pertaining to others as well. Obviously, this type of attitude tends to alienate people. The "conforming perfectionist" feels that friends, family or society in general expect them to be perfect and strives to attain this out of a need to please. These three types of perfectionism can overlap in any given situation.

Perfectionism is driven by "should" thoughts. Perfectionists often think that they "should" do things in a particular way. These should thoughts can cause a person to feel overwhelmed and burdened, and can drain a person of energy and zest for life.

Perfectionism can lead to depression, procrastination, loss of productivity, and resentment. It can also make us more critical of others.

Next week, we will continue on with this chapter and learn ways we can overcome perfectionism.

We ended our meeting with an icebreaker game involving Lifesavers candy, which was a fun way for old and new members to get to know each other better.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

7-23-07 Meeting Minutes

Monday's meeting went really well with a lot of discussion and participation by all in attendance.

After our group check-in, we finished reading a chapter from the book by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, entitled "A Personal Guide to Coping" - Coping with Perfectionism. Dr. Beckham has made this book available free of charge online in pdf format and it can be accessed using the following link: http://www.drbeckham.com/CopingHandouts.htm

As we learned last week, perfectionism can cause a lot of anxiety, especially when it concerns our interactions with others and our self-evaluations of our performance in social situations.

This week, we read about ways we can overcome perfectionism. We can start by examining where our belief in the need for perfectionism came from. Next, we can examine the logic of our belief by asking ourselves if it is possible to be perfect, if there are any benefits in trying to be perfect, and if we require the same perfectionism from our friends. We can perform a Cost Benefit Analysis where we look at what we are gaining and what we are losing in trying to be perfect.

Lastly, we learned that we can use CBT on perfectionistic thinking by using the four column technique. The first column is used to write down the situation. The second column is used for listing the automatic negative thoughts associated with the situation. The third column is used for writing down the negative consequences resulting from the negative thoughts, and the last column is used to counter the negative thinking by writing down some realistic and logical thoughts.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

7-30-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family.

After group check-in, one of our members led an interesting and informative discussion on beliefs and believing in yourself. He shared with us what he has learned in his own struggles with anxiety and the process he takes to overcome it.

In his own journey toward healing he has learned that believing in yourself is the most important new belief to establish in overcoming Social Anxiety. When we believe in ourselves, we are confident and feel good about ourselves. With Social Anxiety we lack confidence and self-estem.

In our struggles with our anxiety, we may feel there's no hope in overcoming it, but there is no inherent reason why we can't change. So the first step that needs to be taken is to convince yourself that it's possible to overcome this problem. Believing that it's possible to overcome Social Anxiety is the cornerstone that will help in establishing all other beliefs that lead to believing in yourself. Saying you believe in yourself is a very powerful statement and obviously it won't happen overnight but establishing this new belief would allow you to live the way you have always wanted; to enjoy talking to people because you have confidence, and to easily make friends and meet new people.

These presentations are not only helpful and informative to the group but are also a great way for members to work on their public speaking skills in a supportive setting, and everyone is encouraged to participate.

We ended the meeting by each of us taking turns reading a statement from a list of rights called the "Personal Bill of Rights".


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

8-6-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another good meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation by all.

After our group check-in time, we read a short introduction on the topic of the Highly Sensitive Person. Most of the information was taken from the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" written by Dr. Elaine Aron.

According to Dr. Aron, up to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. If you are highly sensitive, you have a uniquely perceptive sensory system. This makes you more sensitive to emotions, energy, environmental conditions such as lighting or sound, other people, excitement, and stress. This constant stimuli can make you feel easily overwhelmed, anxious and unable to cope. This affects our intimate relationships, friendships and interactions with co-workers.

We went over a true/false self test used as a guide to determine if you might be highly sensitive. Some of the statements really hit home with a few of us. Some examples are:

- I seem to be aware of subtle changes in my environment
- I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
- I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
- I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
- I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by.
- I am deeply moved by the arts or music
- I startle easily.
- When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
- When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

We learned that if you are highly sensitive, you may see your sensitivity as a limitation. But being highly sensitive comes with some positive qualities or gifts as well. Highly sensitive people are perceptive, intuitive, creative, imaginative, empathic, passionate and spiritual.


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## TruSeeker777

*re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

8-13-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed two new members to our support group family.

After our group check-in time, we continued on where we left off last week in our discussion on overcoming Social Anxiety. Last week, we all agreed to make a list of reasons why we personally felt it was possible to overcome our anxiety. This week, we shared our lists with the other members in the group. Of course, these lists varied from person to person but some of the reasons shared were: our faith tells us it's possible; we know of others that have overcome SA; we've already made a lot of progress; learned behavior can be unlearned; we are no longer around toxic people that may have contributed to our SA; and we are willing to work hard and do what it takes to overcome SA. We found this exercise to be a very positive one that really made us think and question ourselves about what we truly believed was possible.

We also read an informative article one of our members found on Overcoming Shyness. Some of the things discussed in the article are the possible roots of shyness, including how genes may play a role in having an "inhibited temperament" and some approaches one can take to overcome their shyness. For those that weren't able to attend the meeting, you can read the article at the following link http://www.livescience.com/health/070808_roots_shyness.html


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## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

8-20-07 Meeting Minutes

Monday night's meeting went really well and we had a lot of discussion and participation by everyone in attendance.

An announcement was made that we will not have our regular meeting on Labor Day, September 3, 2007 so our members can enjoy their 3-day weekend. However, we will be meeting at our regular time next Monday, August 27, 2007.

After our group check-in time, we learned about Avoidance and Safety Behaviors. Safety behaviors are behaviors, thoughts or objects we use to reduce anxiety in a feared situation. These are the actions we take to prevent a feared catastrophe from occurring, thus increasing a sense of safety.

Some types of Avoidance and Safety Behaviors are:

Refusing to Enter the Situation - Ex. Turning down an invitation to a party, or never answering questions in class.

Escaping the Situation - Ex. Always arriving late for meetings and leaving early to avoid making "small talk", or making an excuse to get off the telephone with a friend or coworker.

Subtle Avoidance Behaviors - Ex. Filling out a check before arriving at a store to avoid writing in front of others, or opening up a book and pretending to read so that people will think you're busy and won't bother you.

Overprotective Behaviors - Ex. Always arriving early for meetings to ensure that it will not be necessary to enter the room after everyone else is already seated; hiding your hands or face; putting your hand to your mouth; or sticking with a 'safe' person or in a 'safe' place; not taking any chances.

Drug or Alcohol Use - Ex. Having a couple of glasses of wine before meeting another person for a date, or using over the counter medication or illegal drugs to 'calm down' or avoid reality.

We learned that although avoidance and safety behaviors make us feel safe temporarily, they actually increase our anxiety and keep the problem going in the long run. Feeling at risk makes us want to keep safe, but trying to keep safe keeps us thinking that the situation is risky so it becomes this vicious cycle.

Avoidance and safety behaviors help to create vicious cycles by confirming our underlying assumptions and beliefs as well as reinforce the impression that we have to keep safe or something bad might happen. Safety behaviors focus the attention inwards and make us increasingly self-aware and self-conscious. They can also increase the signs and symptoms of anxiety rather than reduce them. For example, tensing yourself up and trying to hold yourself steady makes you shake more, not less.

Some questions we can ask ourselves to help identify our own avoidance and safety behaviors are:

- What do you do to prevent bad things from happening?
- How do you protect yourself from the social embarrassments that you fear?
- If you feel suddenly at risk, what is the first thing you do?
- What do you do to prevent other people from noticing your symptoms?
- What do you do to ensure that you do not do anything wrong?
- What do you do to hide your problem or to prevent it from showing?

We ended the meeting by playing a few rounds of Pictionary. This interactive game helped us work on our social skills and it was a fun way to end the meeting.


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## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

8-27-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with everyone participating in the discussion and sharing.

An announcement was made that we would not be meeting next Monday, September 3, 2007 due to the Labor Day holiday. We will resume our meetings the following Monday, September 10, 2007. I will send out an email this weekend to remind everyone.

We spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include our personal goals and some individual triumphs in our efforts to overcome this debilitating disorder.

Also discussed was an introduction to a conversational skills workbook we will be going through that will help us improve our interpersonal relationships. More information will be given at our next meeting.

I hope everyone has a great holiday!


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## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

9-10-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with some good discussion and participation by everyone.

After our group check-in time, one of our members led an interesting and informative discussion on the topic of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a cognitive technique that is based on the foundations of meditation. The practice of mindfulness is learning to pay attention from moment to moment to what is. It teaches us to step back and observe our minds and our thoughts and see exactly what is happening by making an effort to mentally slow down, noticing details and really experiencing all you see, hear, smell, touch or taste. It's learning to respond instead of react to our thoughts and feelings.

Our social anxiety is caused by our automatic negative thoughts. Mindfulness disengages our automatic pilot responses and gives us the necessary space to see cause and effect as it happens in real time. Cause: thought. Effect: panic and/or anxiety.

An example of a mindfulness practice is doing the dishes or other similar chore. While we are doing these tasks and instead of going on auto pilot, we can bring our focus to the very moment of the task. In the case of doing dishes, we can pay attention to how much soap we are using, the scent of the soap, how clean we are getting the dishes, etc.

We can carry these mindfulness practices on into our social interactions. If we can learn to slow down our thoughts and focus on the person talking to us, like what they are wearing or their tone of voice, or traits of their personality, we can lessen the anxiety. Mindfulness gives us the time we need to prevent and overcome negative patterns of thought and behavior and to cultivate and maintain positive patterns by helping us take charge of our thoughts, words and deeds.

These presentations are not only helpful and informative to the group but are also a great way for members to work on their public speaking skills in a supportive setting, and everyone is encouraged to participate.

We also read an informative and entertaining article one of our members found on Self-Consciousness. For those that weren't able to attend the meeting, you can read the article at the following link 
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/cure-self-consciousness?page=1

Next week, we will be starting a conversational skills workbook that will help us improve our interpersonal relationships.


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

9-17-07 Meeting Minutes

We had another good meeting Monday night, with some interesting and thought 
provoking discussions.

After doing a short mindfulness exercise, we started a conversational skills 
workbook. We began by reading the introduction and overview of the book which 
discussed the benefits of learning cooperative conversation skills and listed 
the seven challenges we will be working on in the coming weeks.

Challenge 1 - Listen More Carefully and Responsively.
Challenge 2 - Explain Your Conversational Intent and Invite Consent.
Challenge 3 - Express Yourself More Clearly and Completely.
Challenge 4 - Translate Your Complaints and Criticisms Into Specific Requests, 
and Explain Your Requests.
Challenge 5 - Ask Questions More "Open-endedly" and More Creatively.
Challenge 6 - Express More Appreciation, Gratitude, Encouragement and Delight.
Challenge 7 - Make Better Communication and Important Part of Your Everyday 
Life.

We're really excited about starting this workbook and learning new ways of 
communicating with others. There are a lot of interactive exercises in this 
book which will help us get to know each other better and allow us to work on 
our communication skills with one another in a non-judgmental and safe 
environment.

This workbook is free of charge and available for downloading online at 
http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

9-24-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family!

After our group check-in time, we began Challenge One of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge One focused on listening more carefully and responsively. Responsive listening is accomplished by listening first and acknowledging what you hear, even if you don't agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of view. By listening and then repeating back in your own words what you have just heard, you let the speaker know that you care about them and what they have to say, and it allows the speaker to feel the satisfaction of being understood.

We also discussed some blocks to listening. These blocks during a conversation include:

- Comparing ourselves to others.
- Trying to read the other person's mind.
- Rehearsing in your mind what to say.
- Filtering out certain parts of a conversation.
- Judging the other person.
- Dreaming, which is common when you are bored or anxious.
- Identifying with the speaker which causes you to talk about your own experience.
- Advising or trying to solve someone's problem.
- Sparring or arguing and debating with people.
- Feeling like you are always right, making it hard to accept suggestions or criticism.
- Derailing or changing the subject in the middle of a conversation.
- Placating or half-listening to someone and giving agreeable responses.

Next week, we will continue on with Challenge Two - Explaining Your Conversational Intent and Inviting Consent. And remember, if you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

10-1-07 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion time.

We began the meeting with an announcement that our room will not be available for our October 15, 2007 meeting. We discussed putting aside our meeting agenda and instead getting together at a restaurant and just make it a casual evening. Other suggestions will be discussed next Monday and I will include all of the details of what we decide in the next meeting minutes.

After our group check-in time, we worked through Challenge Two of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge Two focused on explaining your conversational intent and inviting consent with your conversation partner. To be invited into a conversation is an act of respect and starting off your conversations in this manner will help your conversation partner cooperate with you and reduce possible misunderstandings.

Examples of explanations of intent and invitations to consent in a conversation:

"I would like to talk with you for a few minutes about...... When would be a good time?"

"Uh...Maria, do you have a minute? Right now I'd like to talk to you about..... Is that OK?"

"Hello there, Mr. Sanchez. Say, uh...I'm not completely comfortable about this job and I'd like to talk to you about it. Is this a good time to talk?"

When we start off our conversations in this way, we can help our conversations along in four important ways:

1) We give our listeners a chance to consent to or decline the offer of a specific conversation. A person who has agreed to participate will participate more fully.

2) We help our listeners to understand the "big picture", the overall goal of the conversation to come.

3) We allow our listeners to get ready for what is coming, especially if the topic is emotionally charged.

4) We help our listeners understand the role that we want them to play in the conversation: fellow problem solver, employee receiving instructions, giver of emotional support, etc. Our conversations will go better if we ask people to play only one conversational role at a time.

Next week, we will continue on with Challenge Three - Expressing Yourself More Clearly and Completely. And remember, if you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

10-8-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with some good discussion and participation by all in attendance.

We began by discussing next week's agenda. As mentioned in last week's minutes, our room will not be available for our October 15, 2007 meeting. It was decided we will meet at the Starbucks located at 3550 E. Southern Avenue, Mesa 85204 (Val Vista & Southern Avenue). This will be a laid back fun evening of coffee and conversation with opportunities to work on personal social exposure goals. Feel free to join us even if you aren't able to attend our regular meetings. We'd love to meet you!

After our group check-in time, we started the first part of Challenge Three of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge Three focuses on expressing yourself more clearly and completely in your conversations.

You are likely to get more of your listener's empathy and understanding if you express more of what you are seeing and hearing, feeling, interpreting, wanting, and envisioning. We accomplish this by using five "I-statements" (also called The Five Messages):

1. When I saw/heard...
2. I felt....
3. Because I...(need, want, interpret, associate, etc.)
4. And now I want (then I wanted....)
5. So that (in order to)...

Conversation examples using The Five Messages:

When I saw the dishes in the sink...I felt irritated...because I want to start cooking dinner right away...and I want to ask you to help me do the dishes right now...so that dinner will be ready by the time our guests arrive.

When I saw the dishes in the sink...I felt happy...because I guessed that you had come back from your trip to Mexico...and I want you to tell me all about the Aztec ruins you saw...so that I can liven up some scenes in the short story I'm writing.

Since we will be hanging out at Starbucks next Monday, we will finish up Challenge Three in two weeks. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

10-22-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family!

After taking care of a few business matters, we spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in.

Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include the origins of social anxiety, various treatments available, and the benefits of support groups in coping with our anxiety.

Next week, we will finish up Challenge Three of our conversational skills workbook. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

10-29-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed two new members to our support group family!

We started off the meeting with an announcement of a new meetup group that has formed specifically for those of us with social anxiety and shyness. It's called the "Tempe Shyness & Social Anxiety Meetup Group". A few of us from this support group went to one of their meetups last weekend and it really looks like it could be a great group to get out there and meet with others with the same issues. So far, they've had two meetups. These casual get togethers took place at a restaurant on a Saturday and they are hoping to have meetups every few weeks. For those of you who can not make our Monday meetings due to scheduling conflicts, distance, etc. this might be a great alternative. It's definitely worth checking out.

For those that aren't familiar, http://www.meetup.com is a site where people with similar interests or issues get together to connect with other people in their area. To join a group, you just need to register on the site (it's free) and then join whatever group interests you. If you are interested in joining the Social Anxiety Meetup, the following link will take you to the group's home page: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj2

After the business matters were taken care of, we finished the last part of Challenge Three of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge Three focuses on expressing yourself more clearly and completely in your conversations. This is accomplished by using five "I-statements" (also called The Five Messages):

1. When I saw/heard... (observing)
2. I felt.... (emoting)
3. Because I...(need, want, interpret, associate, etc.)
4. And now I want (then I wanted....)
5. So that (in order to)... (envisioning, anticipating)

Working with the Five Messages can be a powerful and creative way of:
- Becoming aware of more of what you are experiencing.
- Telling the truth about what you are experiencing.
- Listening for the truth of your conversation partner's experience.
- Encouraging your conversation partner to say more about what they are experiencing.
- Reflecting back elements of what the other person is experiencing.
- Summarizing a big chunk of your own or your conversation partner's experience.
- Taking responsibility for your emotional responses and encouraging the other person, by your example, to do the same.

Next week we will continue on with Challenge Four - Translating Complaints and Criticisms Into Requests. And remember, if you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

11-5-07 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night and we again welcomed two new members to our support group family!

We began the meeting with an announcement that our room will not be available for our November 19, 2007 meeting. We discussed putting aside our meeting agenda and instead getting together at a restaurant or coffee shop and just make it a casual evening. Other suggestions will be discussed next Monday and I will include all of the details of what we decide in the next meeting minutes.

After our group check-in time, we worked through Challenge Four of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge Four focused on translating complaints and criticisms into requests. In our interpersonal relationships we can get more cooperation from others by asking for what we want by using specific action-oriented, positive language rather than by using generalizations. When we are receiving criticism from others we should try to translate and restate the complaints as action requests.

Examples:

"Somebody ought to order some copy paper." could be restated as:
"Would you order two reams of copy paper today so that we don't run out."

"Turn down that music!" could be restated as:
"Hi, I live upstairs and your music is really booming through the walls up there.
Would you please turn it down so we can hear our TV".

Some tips for conflict resolution are:

- Calm yourself down.
- Think about what you really need.
- Imagine your partner-in-conflict as a potential ally.
- Begin by listening to the other person and affirming anything that you can agree on.
- Acknowledge and apologize for any mistakes you may have made in the course of the conflict.
- Summarize the other person's needs, feelings and position as fairly as you can before you present your own needs or requests.
- Focus on positive goals for the present and the future no matter what you and/or your partner-in-conflict may have said or done in the past.
- When positions collide, focus on principles and potential referees.
- Make requests for specific actions that another person can actually do, rather than for overall feelings or attitudes.
- Use this conflict as a motivational stimulus to get yourself started studying more effective and compassionate ways of resolving conflicts.

Next week, we will continue on with Challenge Five - Asking Questions More 'Open-Endedly' and More Creatively. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

11-12-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with a lot of participation by all in attendance.

We started the meeting off with a few business matters. First, it was originally noted that we would not be able to meet in the conference room for our November 19, 2007 meeting. I reported this in error and I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. We WILL be meeting in the conference room next Monday, November 19, 2007 at 7:00pm.

There will be a meetup this Saturday. Here are the details:

The Tempe Shyness & Social Anxiety Meetup Group (Tempe, AZ) - Meetup.com 
http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 
When: Saturday, November 17, 2007
Time: 3:00pm
Where: Tempe Public Library
3500 S. Rural Rd 
Study Room E
Tempe, AZ 85282

Study Room E Is downstairs in the Periodical Archive room. Once you go through the door go right, turn right again, and it will be the last door on your right.

I plan on attending this event and am really looking forward to meeting the others. If you would like to come but aren't ready to sign up on the meetup.com website, just email or PM me and I'll put you down as a guest. They don't need a name, just a number of how many guests I will have so the organizer has an idea of how many people to expect.

After our group check-in time, we worked through Challenge Five of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills. Challenge Five focused on asking questions more 'open-endedly' and more creatively.

In order to coordinate our life with lives of other people, we all need to know more of what other people are feeling and thinking. But our usual "yes/no" questions actually tend to shut people up rather than opening them up. You can encourage your conversation partners to share more of their thoughts and feelings by asking "open-ended" rather than "yes/no" questions.

Open-ended questions allow for a wide range of responses. For example, asking "How did you like that food/movie/speech/doctor, etc." will evoke a more detailed response than "Did you like it?" which could be answered with a simple "yes" or "no").

Some examples of open-ended questions:

- "How comfortable are you with Plan B?"
- "How are you feeling about all of this?"
- "What kind of information do you need in order to go forward?"
- "How did you like that movie?"

Next week, we will continue on with Challenge Six - Expressing More Gratitude and Appreciation. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


----------



## TruSeeker777

*Re: ARIZONA SUPPORT GROUP!*

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family!

We started off talking about the Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup a few of us went to. It was a great turnout and another meetup is scheduled for December 8, 2007. Here's the website for more information http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5

Speaking of meetups, if you are interested in a hike this weekend, there is a "Phoenix Hiking, Biking, Climbing, Volleyball and other sports" meetup. Their website is http://hiking.meetup.com/267/?gj=sj5 Although this isn't a specific meetup for SA, it's a great way to meet new people and practice those conversational skills!

Details about this Saturday's hike: 
When: Saturday, November 24, 2007, 5:15 PM 
Where: Javalina Trail
46th Street & Baseline 
Phoenix , AZ 85042
480-430-9060

I'd like to tell you about a major announcement that was given at the meeting. We have learned that we will no longer be able to continue to meet at the church because of scheduling changes. I am currently in the process of locating a new place for us to meet in and I should know something by the end of next week. As soon as I get something finalized, I will email everyone with the details and new location information.

I realize this is a big change for us but since we have to move I'm hoping to find a more central location in the Valley which will make the group accessible to more people. We hope to have a new meeting room starting with our December 3, 2007 meeting. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to email me and I'll do my best to answer them.

We still have one more meeting in November so for next Monday's (November 26, 2007) meeting, the group decided to just make it a social one and get together at the Village Inn restaurant at 7:00pm. Village Inn is located on the Southeast corner of Power Rd. and Main St. in Mesa. Power Rd. is just two major streets down from 56th Street so it's pretty close to the church. I will send out an email Sunday night to remind everyone. All are welcome to join us.

Because of all of the announcements, we spent the rest of the time with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics of discussion included anxiety issues we have when interacting with the opposite sex, the role of CBT in overcoming our anxiety, and some individual triumphs we've experienced.

Remember, next Monday we will meet at the Village Inn restaurant. It should be fun!

Have a great Turkey Day everyone!


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## TruSeeker777

11-26-07 Meeting Minutes

We had a great turnout at Village Inn Monday night as we set aside our usual meeting format and just made it a casual night with good food and conversation. Everyone agreed it was a lot of fun and that we needed to incorporate more of these get-togethers as a group. Thanks to everyone that showed up and made it a great night.


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## TruSeeker777

12-3-07 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion time and participation by all in attendance.

This was our first meeting at our new home at the Scottsdale Senior Center and everyone agreed it was a nice facility and should work out well for our meetings.

We started off with an announcement that we will not be meeting on December 24, 2007 or December 31, 2007 because of the holidays. I will be reminding everyone as it gets closer to the time.

There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 . I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest. Also, the organizer of the meetup group sent everyone a link to an excellent article on comfort zones that we will be discussing at the meetup. Here's the link: http://ezinearticles.com/?Your-Comfort-Zone---What-Is-It-and-How-To-Get-Out-Of-It&id=730345

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include accepting ourselves, befriending our anxiety instead of fighting it in order to learn from it, and anxiety arising from the holidays. Challenge Six of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills was also handed out at the end of the meeting.

Next week, we will finish up the workbook with Challenge Seven - Focus on Learning. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link: http://www.newconversations.net


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## TruSeeker777

12-10-07 Meeting Minutes

We had great meeting Monday night and we welcomed another new person to our support group family.

We started out the meeting talking about our upcoming Holiday party next Monday, taking place at our regular meeting location and time. It was decided that we would have a White Elephant gift exchange. Those who would like to participate in this need to bring a wrapped or gift bagged item to the party. We have set a spending limit of $5.00. White Elephant gifts are generally anonymous so we will have a bag by the front door you can put them in when you arrive. We will play some games as well and feel free to bring some snacks to share. I want this to be a fun, laid-back night for us to just hang out and celebrate the holidays with our support group family and I'm looking forward to seeing you all there. Feel free to email me with any questions you have.

Also it was announced that we will not be meeting on December 24, 2007 or December 31, 2007 because of the holidays, but will resume our meetings on January 7, 2007.

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include anxiety in the workplace, and the negative thoughts and core beliefs that drive our anxiety. Challenge Seven of the "Seven Challenges Workbook" on conversational skills was also handed out at the end of the meeting. This was the final chapter in the workbook. If you aren't able to attend our meetings you can download this workbook, free of charge, using the following link:http://www.newconversations.net

Next week, we party! Hope to see everyone there!


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## TruSeeker777

12-17-07 Meeting Minutes

We had an awesome time at our second annual ASAZ Holiday party Monday night, with nine people in attendance from our support group family.

The food was yummy, the White Elephant gift exchange was a lot of fun and we had a blast playing the game, Catch Phrase the rest of the night. 

Thanks to all who came and made the party a success.

Just a reminder, we will not be meeting on December 24, 2007 or December 31, 2007 due to the holidays. We will resume our regular meetings on January 7, 2008.

I hope everyone has a great holiday!


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## TruSeeker777

1-7-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with everyone participating and sharing in the discussions.

An announcement was made that our meeting room will not be available on January 21, 2008 due to the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. We will discuss next week other options for meeting on that holiday night such as a restaurant, coffee shop, etc. 

We spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include dating, socializing in groups, and personal triumphs in our efforts to overcome this debilitating disorder.


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## TruSeeker777

1-14-08 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night with a lot of sharing and discussion by everyone in attendance.

We started off the meeting discussing where we would like to meet for next week's January 21, 2008 meeting, as the Senior Center will be closed for the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday that day. It was decided that we would make it a social night and get together at an Italian restaurant in Scottsdale. Email or PM me for location information. We have a lot of fun at these social gatherings so I hope everyone can make it.

Also of note, there is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, January 19, 2008. This meetup has grown so much that they have had to change their meeting location and are currently meeting at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5. I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest.

After our regular group check-in time, we learned about automatic negative thoughts and how they play a central role in our social anxiety. As socially anxious people, we may think that others think badly of us, or that people are judging us. This increases the likelihood for humiliation and embarrassment. To make matters worse, we may think that the things that we assume other people are thinking are true. "They don't want me with them." "They think I'm weird.""They don't like me." Underneath we may believe that we are different or odd and don't quite belong,or that we will do something embarrassing to reveal our inadequacies even if we haven't put these beliefs into words.

Understanding the role of automatic negative thoughts in social anxiety is essential in working out how exactly to overcome it. The main idea is that what we think affects what we feel and do. If we can change the way we think, then our feelings and behavior will change as well. Because we often don't even realize we are having these negative thoughts, a handout was given to help us monitor what negative thoughts and emotions come to mind in an anxiety-provoking situation.


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## TruSeeker777

1-28-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of sharing and discussion time.

We started off with an announcement that there will be a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, February 2, 2008. This meetup has grown so much that they have had to change their meeting location and are currently meeting at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest.

After our group check-in, we listened to an informative podcast by Ed Beckham, Ph.D, a Clinical Psychologist. This podcast discussed some common types of negative thinking that occur in Social Anxiety, such as personalizing, mind reading and catastrophizing.

If you would like to listen to Dr. Beckham's podcasts, they are available for download free from Itunes, or you can read the transcripts in pdf format from his website at http://www.drbeckham.com

We ended the meeting with a fun and challenging exercise called the New York Minute. This is a lot like table topics at Toastmasters meetings except you only have to talk about a topic given to you for 30 seconds and no one is critiquing you. Of course, participation in this exercise is voluntary but it's a good way to challenge yourself in a non-judgmental environment.


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## hopemiles

How do you advertise your group?


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## TruSeeker777

hopemiles said:


> How do you advertise your group?


I promote the group through this message board. I also set up a website so people can find it through a search engine, and I think it's listed as a peer support group on some anxiety sites like http://www.adaa.org, and a short classified ad in a few local newspapers. I think I get most new members from finding the website through a search engine though.


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## TruSeeker777

2-4-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with plenty of sharing and discussion. 

An announcement was made that our meeting room will not be available on February 18, 2008 due to the Presidents Day holiday. We will discuss next week other options for meeting on that holiday night. 

We spent the remaining time with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some of the topics discussed include workplace anxiety, comfort zones and confrontations. 

See you next week!


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## TruSeeker777

2-11-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation by all in attendance.

It was announced last week that our meeting room will not be available on February 18, 2008 due to the Presidents' Day holiday. Because of this, we have canceled our meeting for that Monday. I will send out an email this weekend, reminding everyone of the cancelation.

For something a little different, we have decided to check out a Toastmasters Club meeting in Tempe on Wednesday, February 20, 2008 at 6:30 pm. For those not familiar, Toastmasters meetings are for those wanting to polish their public speaking and networking skills. If you've ever been interested in attending a meeting but were a bit too nervous to go it alone, this would be a great opportunity to go as a group. Everyone on this list is welcome to join us. If you would like to attend, please email or PM me and I will give you the location details. I'd really like to have a count of who is going so If we end up with a large group, I can let the club president know/get permission we're coming ahead of time. Here's the website for Toastmasters: http://www.toastmasters.org

After our regular group check-in, we learned about some CBT techniques for negative thought stopping. The steps include the following:

1. Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts.
2. Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?")
3. Reinforce your decision through supportive comments. ("I can let go of these thoughts.")
4. Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.)
5. Begin Calming Counts.

Calming Counts Relaxation Technique:

1. Sit comfortably.
2. Take a long, deep breath and exhale it slowly while saying the word "relax" silently.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Let yourself take ten natural, easy breaths. Count down with each exhale, starting with "ten."
5. While you are breathing comfortably, notice any tensions, perhaps in your jaw or forehead or stomach. Imagine those tensions loosening.
6. When you reach "one", open your eyes again.

Calming Counts works in negative thought stopping, first by disrupting your typical pattern of worry because you will have to stop and think about how to do this highly specific breathing technique; and secondly, you will be busy performing a technique that actually calms down your body.

We also discussed using a Prep Card for informal presentations or meetings. A 3" x 5" index card is used as a Prep Card as a reminder for three key points you want to remember, and two bad habits you have that you want to avoid.

Prep Card Example:

* Sales will go up next quarter
* We will match our competitor's best bid.
* You'd agreed to a 10% discount over the phone.
----
* Sit up straight.
* Talk slowly and take a full breath after every sentence.

We ended the meeting with a fun and challenging exercise called the New York Minute.

Be sure to let me know if you'd like to attend the Toastmasters meeting with us on Wednesday.


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## tomcoldaba

I am a member of toastmasters for the past six months. My anxiety is very low now. I really encourage you to attend the meeting. If you go in a group then you wont feel intimidated. I am in the DC metropolitan area. Otherwise I would invite you to my club. Good Luck.


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## TruSeeker777

The Toastmasters meeting went well and I personally found it very interesting the way the meeting was structured. I've heard that every club is different so we will probably check out other ones in the future.


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## tomcoldaba

TruSeeker777 said:


> The Toastmasters meeting went well and I personally found it very interesting the way the meeting was structured. I've heard that every club is different so we will probably check out other ones in the future.


The structure of each toastmaster meeting is prepared speeches, table topics and evaluation or feedback of the prepared speeches. The feedback helped me improve my public speaking. In fact my evaluators tell me that I am not nervous at the lectern but I think I am nervous. That is what SA does for you.

I belong to 3 clubs. They follow a similiar format but each club is different. One club has very ambitious members while the other two clubs are very laid back. Try a weekend club if there is one in your area. They tend to be much more laid back.

Next week I am running the meeting as Toastmaster of the Day. I am actually looking forward to the challenge.


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## TruSeeker777

That's awesome. I'm glad it has helped you so much. Good luck with Toastmaster of the Day.



tomcoldaba said:


> The structure of each toastmaster meeting is prepared speeches, table topics and evaluation or feedback of the prepared speeches. The feedback helped me improve my public speaking. In fact my evaluators tell me that I am not nervous at the lectern but I think I am nervous. That is what SA does for you.
> 
> I belong to 3 clubs. They follow a similiar format but each club is different. One club has very ambitious members while the other two clubs are very laid back. Try a weekend club if there is one in your area. They tend to be much more laid back.
> 
> Next week I am running the meeting as Toastmaster of the Day. I am actually looking forward to the challenge.


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## TruSeeker777

2-25-08 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night with a lot of good discussion time.

After having a week off we had a lot to share and spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include anxiety we encounter at job interviews and public speaking, and relationship issues.


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## TruSeeker777

3-3-08 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with a lot of sharing and discussions.

Most of our meeting time was spent in an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include the challenges we face in dealing with parents and other family members, and career options.

We finished the meeting with a fun and challenging game that had us all laughing by the time it was over.


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## TruSeeker777

3-10-08 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with plenty of discussion and participation by all in attendance. In fact, we were so engrossed in conversation we lost track of time! Now that's progress. 

We started off the meeting with a business announcement. There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, March 15, 2008. This meetup will be at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 . I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest.

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in.


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## TruSeeker777

3-17-08 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with a lot of sharing and discussion time.

Most of our meeting time was spent in an extended group check-in. Although the specific situations shared in our group stay confidential within the group, some topics discussed include the anxiety we face when dealing with confrontation and attending social get-togethers, and how our anxiety plays out even in our dreams.


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## TruSeeker777

3-24-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night and welcomed two new members to our support group family!

We started off the meeting with an announcement. There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, March 29, 2008. This meetup will be at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 . I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest.

After our regular group check-in period, we discussed a CBT tool that helps in counteracting our negative thoughts; the TEA (Thought-Error-Analysis) form. This form is handy for examining the validity of a negative and/or irrational thought and replacing it with a more positive or rational one. The TEA form is made up of three columns. The first column is the Thought column. This is where you write down a negative thought you are having (or had) in an anxiety provoking situation. The second column is the Error column. This is where you write down the type(s) of negative thought you are experiencing. "All or nothing", "Personalization" and "Catastrophic" thinking are a few examples. The last column is the Analysis column and is used for refuting the thought and replace it with a more neutral or rational one. This CBT tool can be done in a journaling format as well.

We ended our meeting with a fun and interactive game called The New York Minute.


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## TruSeeker777

3-31-08 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night and included a lot of sharing and discussion by all.

After our regular group check-in time, we continued on in our topic of Automatic Negative Thoughts by discussing ways of challenging our negative thinking. The first thing is to be aware of what you are saying to yourself. You can ask yourself "what is going through my mind?" or "what is it about this situation that is upsetting me?" 

We can challenge our thoughts by asking ourselves a series of questions like:

- Is this thought helpful?
- Am I being realistic with this situation?
- What's the evidence for and against my thought?
- Am I focusing on the negative and ignoring other information?
- Am I jumping to conclusions without looking at all the facts?
- Is there another way of looking at this situation?
- What can I say to myself that will help me remain calmer and help me achieve what I want to achieve in this situation?

By becoming aware of our Automatic Negative Thoughts and then challenging or questioning them, these thoughts can be changed and we can feel happier and more in control.


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## TruSeeker777

4-7-08 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation.

We started off the meeting with a business announcement. There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, April 12, 2008. This meetup will be at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 . I'm planning on attending this event and if you would like to attend but aren't ready to sign up at the website, just let me know and I will add you as a guest.

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in.


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## TruSeeker777

4-14-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with participation and discussion by everyone. 

After our group check-in time, for our CBT we revisited the topic of core beliefs. Core beliefs (positive or negative) are the deeply held ideas and philosophies we have about ourselves, other people, and the world that are usually developed in childhood or early in adult life.

Negative core beliefs are the driving force behind our negative thoughts, the rules we live by and the assumptions we make in social situations.

Some examples of negative core beliefs, rules and assumptions in social anxiety are:

Beliefs:
- I'm weird...different...boring...stupid
- I'm inferior...inadequate...unacceptable...unlikeable
- People are always judging me...criticizing...looking out for things I do wrong.

Rules and Assumptions:
- I must be amusing and interesting or people won't like me.
- You've got to do things right if you're going to be acceptable.
- If the conversation doesn't go well it is my fault.

As we discussed this, we identified some of our own core beliefs and shared how they have affected our lives and helped determine the way in which we conduct ourselves in social situations.

We ended the meeting by playing a few rounds of the Ungame.


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## TruSeeker777

4-28-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion time.

There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, May 3, 2008. This meetup will be at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5 .

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in.


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## TruSeeker777

5-12-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation from everyone in attendance.

There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, May 17, 2008. This meetup will be at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5

After our group check-in, we continued our discussion on negative core beliefs by looking at the ways we can challenge and change our beliefs. One way is by asking ourselves some key questions about our beliefs, such as:

- What is the evidence for this belief? Looking objectively at all of your life experience, what is the evidence that this is true?

- Would you judge someone else who felt like you do in the same way? What would you say to someone else who held a belief like this one?

- Are you forgetting that everyone makes mistakes, gets things wrong, and feels socially uncomfortable at times? That no one can be perfect?

- Are you ignoring your strengths and focusing on your weaknesses? Ignoring the successes and friendships, while focusing on failures and embarrassments?

- Are you judging yourself as you have (once) been judged? If so, what makes the person, or other people who judged you, right now. Who is the best authority on you? Other people or yourself?

- Does this belief promote your well-being and/or peace of mind?

- Did you choose this belief on your own or did it develop out of your experience of growing up in your family?

Oftentimes we are so anxious that what we expect to happen and what actually does happen in a social situation are worlds apart, so another way we can challenge our negative core beliefs is by using a counter-belief worksheet to predict what will happen in a future event where that belief might be triggered and then record our observations and conclusions after the event. This is a good way to look at all of the evidence objectively so we can modify our belief, if needed.


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## TruSeeker777

5-19-08 Meeting Minutes

We had a great meeting Monday night and welcomed another new member to our support group family!

An announcement was made that we will NOT be meeting next Monday, May 26, 2008 due to the Memorial Day holiday. I will send out an email over the weekend to remind everyone.

After group check-in time, we discussed our CBT topic of the night which was on perfectionism. 

Two types of perfectionism are "self-oriented" (the requirement for the self to be perfect) and "socially-oriented" (the perception that others require us to be perfect). 

Some of the negative core beliefs that contribute to perfectionism are:

- It is unacceptable to make a mistake.
- It is what I achieve rather than who I am that is important.
- Whatever I do should be to the highest possible standard if I am to justify my existence or see myself as a worthwhile person.
- It would be terrible if other people saw me as less than competent.

As you can see, being driven to perfectionism can cause alot of anxiety and discouragement, especially in social situations.

Also among things discussed were strategies for overcoming perfectionism, and we learned the difference between healthy goal setting and perfectionistic goal setting. A healthy goal setter has 'drive' and bases their goals on their wants and desires and even enjoys the process of working toward their goals. A perfectionist is 'driven' often by the expectations of others, puts so much pressure on themselves that they can't enjoy the process of attaining their goals and is focused only on the end result. 

Our next meeting will be Monday, June 2, 2008.


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## TruSeeker777

6-2-08 Meeting Minutes

It was another great meeting Monday night.

We started off the meeting with a business announcement. There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, June 7, 2008. This meetup will start at 3:00 pm and meets at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital Medical Office Building, 1500 S. Mill Ave, Room 208, Tempe, AZ 85281. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5.

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in.


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## TruSeeker777

6-9-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of discussion and participation.

After our group check-in time, we discussed the difference between self-esteem and self-acceptance.

Many people base their self-esteem on external factors. We might rate ourselves by how much money we earn, how much we weigh and by whether people like and appreciate us. The problem with rating ourselves like this is if one of these external variables change, our self-esteem can be broadly affected. Our high self-esteem turns to low self esteem and this causes perfectionism and anxiety.

Self-acceptance is an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and support who you are at this very moment, even those parts you'd like to eventually change. It's recognizing that as a human being, you have inherent worth that is not contingent on your performance, possessions, status, etc. 

We can practice self-acceptance by the following:

A - Acknowledge and accept the fact that you are a unique individual that is worthy of self love.
C - Clearly define your beliefs about yourself and then work on changing any negative beliefs.
C - Change only those things that are worthy of change.
E - Examine the facts. Don't allow others to define who you are.
P - Practice patience with yourself. Take one step at a time.
T - Train yourself with positive affirmations.
I - Integrate some of the things you admire in others into your practices.
N - Never give up on yourself.
G - Give yourself permission to love and accept yourself for now and then you can decide what you want to improve on in the future. 

A self-acceptance affirmation:

I accept myself because I'm alive and have the capacity to enjoy my existence. I am not my behavior. I can rate my traits and my behavior, but it is impossible to rate something as complex as my 'self.' My self consists of innumerable traits, not just this one. I strive for achievement only to enhance the enjoyment of my existence, not to prove my worth. Failing at any task cannot make me a failure. I can choose to accept myself even if am unwilling or unable to change my 'character defects' because there is no law of the universe that says I can't. My approval of myself cannot come from pandering to any external source or bowing to any external authority. My self-acceptance can only come from me, and I am free to choose it at any time. (by Nick Rajacic)


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## TruSeeker777

6-16-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night with a lot of participation from everyone.

We started off the meeting with a business announcement. There is going to be a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup in the next few weeks on Saturday, June 28, 2008. This meetup will start at 3:00 pm and meets at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital Medical Office Building, 1500 S. Mill Ave, Room 208, Tempe, AZ 85281. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5.

We spent the remaining time of our meeting with an extended group check-in.


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## TruSeeker777

6-23-08 Meeting Minutes

We had another great meeting Monday night.

There is a Tempe Shyness and Social Anxiety meetup this Saturday, June 28, 2008. This meetup will start at 3:00 pm and meets at the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital Medical Office Building, 1500 S. Mill Ave, Room 208, Tempe, AZ 85281. Here's the link to join: http://shyness.meetup.com/206/?gj=sj5.

After our group check-in time, a handout was given on the topic of Assertiveness. Most of us with social anxiety struggle in this area.

Assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other person.

When being assertive it's important to use "I" statements such as I think... I feel... I want...

A common language formula in assertiveness is:

When (describe behavior)
I feel--(state your feeling)
Because (effect or consequence on your situation)
I'd prefer (offer compromise)

Example: "When you play your music late at night I can't get to sleep, and I feel miserable the next day. Please turn your music down after 10 pm."

Acting assertively is a way of developing self-respect and self-worth.


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## TruSeeker777

7-2-08

Due to low attendance, I'm sorry to announce that we have ended our weekly meetings. Our last meeting was June 30, 2008.

*Please PM me if you are interested in being notified of any future social get-togethers we plan.*


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