# Triggering Question?? Help pls



## Gdjdkdbaldb (Apr 10, 2018)

Is it rape if you're too anxious to say no?


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

I wouldn't say so... I mean, if you're really against it, you should be able to show it somehow, especially if anxious.
But I understand it's probably more evident in a man, he simply wouldn't work.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Body language plays apart too, you don't have to just give verbal consent. Any unwanted sexual advances is a no no.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

If you're asking because you've been in this situation then make sure you're not alone with guys in a private place until you're comfortable being assertive with them.

They will try stuff if they think they have a chance, and they can be oblivious. It can be awkward at first if you're young/inexperienced/naive but getting to that stage - not just unwanted groping but like actual sex without saying anything is extreme. Definitely would suggest therapy.


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## QuietbutBoss (Dec 8, 2015)

No I wouldn't say so. It's not fair to have someone in trouble with the police if they actually thought u wanted it. However, if you made it obvious with your actions, then that would be something different. If this happened to you, don't get into a relationship if you cannot say no. You need to be fully comfortable with the other person.


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## appledapple (Mar 27, 2018)

depends on if you made it clear you didn't want it in some way, or if they thought you might not have wanted it, but went ahead and ignored it and did it anyways, there are many other circumstances to consider.


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## Selin (Apr 21, 2018)

I know I'm totally new here, but I'm going to risk jumping in to the conversation with a different perspective (darn good thing this is online and not off, otherwise I'd be quiet in a corner somewhere!).

First I want to say that I'm sorry that you've been in a situation where you didn't feel safe to refuse consent. I know this perspective could be controversial, but when you break it down and think about it it starts to make a lot of sense. A wise person I know suggested that if there are any real questions in your mind about whether it was or not, it probably was rape. 

Why? 

Because no matter what you said, if you didn't want it and didn't feel comfortable even to say no, that would have come very clearly through your body language and nonverbal responses. Men who are not rapists pick up on these cues and stop because men who are not rapists want to ensure that both partners actually are enjoying the experience and want to avoid any hint of coercion. 

I know this is a controversial way to look at the matter, but there is the concept of enthusiastic consent and I'd recommend looking it up. It sounds like you feel like the encounter felt nonconsensual to you and I'm sorry that happened to you!


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## Sliusarek (Aug 14, 2016)

men who are not rapists want to ensure that both partners actually are enjoying the experience and want to avoid any hint of coercion. 

Oh, give me a break, pal.


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## 0589471 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think it is situational, obviously if the woman's actions are that she's going along with it and you're both heavily into it, you'll know. 

But like Kevin and Selin said, your body language and resistance, the anxiety and lack of desire, means it's not consensual. NEVER be afraid to fight back, either, it's a CLEAR sign you're saying no even if you're too afraid to speak out. 

I suggest Persephone's advice, if you're someone who is concerned that their anxiety is that debilitating and you are unable to express your true feelings, protect yourself too and try to keep from situations leaving you alone with someone that may try to take advantage or misread you.


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