# Love Shy?



## Velvet Neptune

I am 38 year old male and a virgin. But it's more than that. I'm a Super Virgin. I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.

I haven't kissed a girl. I don't think I've been face to face close with a girl ever. I never held hands with a girl. I don't know what flirting is. I never had any romantic hints ever in my life and I can tell I am not seen as a future romantic partner.

I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I used to think I was hideous, but I have settled for average at best. This no longer bothers me as much but it's still a problem. 

This is bothering me, like seriously. I am incredibly lonely, but I have no potentials that can turn into something serious. I am not what you call an unsociable person, I have plenty of friends and get along with everyone. I just have a problem socializing when it comes to the opposite sex. I can't relax around them. I avoid situations. I have nothing interesting to say about myself especially since I still live with my mom and my job doesn't rake in the dough, so ya there's some embarrassment there.

I have social anxiety of course, but I am reading about this Love Shy thing. I don't think there's been a case as extreme as mine where a man is in his late 30s and he hasn't so much as held hands with a girl.

I had a question before I started typing, but now I forgot it. Guess this is a rant. I am trying to find ways to meet women, but when you're my age, with 0 experience, not too attractive and have this little barrier called social anxiety, there seems to be no way out.


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## cavemanslaststand

Try an online dating site so you can talk to people from a distance first. Once they get to know you, they may develop an attachment. Just be prepared to accept the rejections and take them in stride.

Disclaimer: What da heck do I know as a habitual failure. Almost got married twice starting from online dating, but eventually the thought of all those eyes looking at me at a church scared me bejezzusless (OK, there were other issues, but glossing over details).


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## mr hoang

I think before anything, you need to work on your self esteem. It's all about how you see yourself, and if you don't enjoy yourself and your own company, how do you expect others to? I'm not trying to sound harsh but, I think you need to find a way to move out on your own. You may be too comfortable living with your mom. So again, work on yourself first then the women will come. Women can easily tell when your uncomfortable in your own skin and they really don't know how to handle it. I've been there.


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## cavemanslaststand

If he's from New York City, it might not be too practical moving away from Mom. That city scares me, and I would look for the closest relatives or even falsify a family tree to live with if I were there .


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## randomprecision

I'm 42 and in the same boat. Not even so much as a romantic conversation. Probably need some professional guidance...but that doesn't come free and i've lost interest anyway.
Don't know why i replied to this thread....not helping, just whining....sorry.


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## hmnut

I am 32 and I am love shy. I also live in NY (maybe it something they put in the water).

My general Social Anxiety issues are rather minor (well compared to many people on this board).

But my Love Shy issues are rather intense. 

I told a friend once that I liked a girl where I worked, she said I should ask that girl out 'what's the worst that could happen?' I responded "I could die." 

It took almost a year before I could get up enough courage and psyche energy to ask said girl out, and it felt like I was going to do die, there is no metaphor I can think of that describes the emotional and physical pain that I got just trying to ask her out... and I hoped that after I did it, and realized I would not in fact "die" I thought it would be easier... not really, still just thinking about it gives me a panic attack on the level of "I think I will die."

There are treatments for love shy-ness but as others have said, they are not cheap... and I am poor. And who knows if they will really work? I maybe if my finances improve I will try to work on it, but right now I am just accepting that I will probably never break free. 

I'm not even sure I am capable of love any more.


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## Velvet Neptune

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I tried online personals for several years, but unfortunately I am not photogenic. To put it bluntly, I'm not attractive in photos, so to those I've written to, I only get responses like I'm already talking to another member (conveniently) or no response at all.

I would be fine if I was met halfway with a woman, but that's never happened, and it's discouraging.


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## Velvet Neptune

hmnut said:


> I am 32 and I am love shy. I also live in NY (maybe it something they put in the water).
> 
> My general Social Anxiety issues are rather minor (well compared to many people on this board).
> 
> But my Love Shy issues are rather intense.
> 
> I told a friend once that I liked a girl where I worked, she said I should ask that girl out 'what's the worst that could happen?' I responded "I could die."
> 
> It took almost a year before I could get up enough courage and psyche energy to ask said girl out, and it felt like I was going to do die, there is no metaphor I can think of that describes the emotional and physical pain that I got just trying to ask her out... and I hoped that after I did it, and realized I would not in fact "die" I thought it would be easier... not really, still just thinking about it gives me a panic attack on the level of "I think I will die."
> 
> There are treatments for love shy-ness but as others have said, they are not cheap... and I am poor. And who knows if they will really work? I maybe if my finances improve I will try to work on it, but right now I am just accepting that I will probably never break free.
> 
> I'm not even sure I am capable of love any more.


Sorry to hear about this. I don't know and never heard of treatments. I do know that if a girl showed some interest, it would help. Being as old as I am without any hints of the opposite sex being attracted to you is pretty damning.


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## cavemanslaststand

Velvet Neptune said:


> Thanks everyone for the responses.
> 
> I tried online personals for several years, but unfortunately I am not photogenic. To put it bluntly, I'm not attractive in photos, so to those I've written to, I only get responses like I'm already talking to another member (conveniently) or no response at all.
> 
> I would be fine if I was met halfway with a woman, but that's never happened, and it's discouraging.


Sorry to hear you are not photogenic.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm perpetually stuck in the same boat as you despite being considered photogenic with dimples. Too painfully shy around venusians. Probably what young Mr. H alluded to -- I have no confidence and am too soft-spoken.

Won't bring up hackneyed cliches about some rough ugly guy marrying a trophy. Just hoping to still go to some lucky lady in the 14th round of the supplemental practice squad draft as overlooked talent .


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I am loveshy, too, and I hate it. I wish I could give up on relationships entirely.


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## Nothereanymore

komorikun said:


> What do you look like?


I was thinking the same thing! I've seen some pretty rough looking people in relationships so...I'm wanting to think that at least some of it is in your head, i.e. lacking in confidence!

I don't feel beautiful at all but I at least try to dress nicely and stand up straight (when I remember...I'm an overly tall girl so I tend to stoop if I don't make myself think about how I'm carrying myself) and I find people out in public places tend to react to me and treat me nicer than if I just went out in a pair of sweat pants and my hair straggling around my face....

Basically you can only do so much with what you have...but at least you can do SOME thing with what you have....right? At least that's all I have going for me haha. (And the fact I'm married with kids, so that helps too, although amazingly enough, even though my husband claims I'm not ugly, I still think I am, and accuse him of making stuff up. I'm hopeless...)


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## millenniumman75

Self-esteem is the big issue. The first no-no is telling ourselves we are ugly.
Heck, I thought I was unhandsome until people started saying I look like Prince William (actually I have more hair and am 7 years older), but it's weird that even people from the UK say that :lol. If he could get a babe like Miss Kate (well, he does have a title and money, but he could have been....Prince Albert of Monaco :eek), then I should be okay. If there are dudes like me, there are ladeeez out there, too.


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## hmnut

millenniumman75 said:


> Self-esteem is the big issue. The first no-no is telling ourselves we are ugly.


This is pretty much what everyone is going to tell you, but they are probably wrong. If you just have normal social anxiety (as if there is such a thing as "normal" social anxiety), maybe they are right. But if you are truly love shy they are probably wrong.

Let me tell you something that will make you feel better and then make you feel much worst.

Your looks don't matter. I mean they do, kind of, but deep down no they don't. Yes if you looked like a male model girls would be throwing themselves at you... ah to dream.

But unless you look like carnival freak (and before you say you do, if you did you would be complain more about people throwing food and making fun of you when you walk down the street, so it's safe to say you look normal, so), somewhere out there, there is a female who would date you.

That's the good news...

The bad news is, you are love shy. That means you could walk up to the perfect woman who likes you (and you like her) and you would miss all the signs. You would not pick up on the subtle clues nor know what to do if somehow you did. And if you liked her you would likely have so much anxiety about asking her out if you ever got the nerve to do it (and that's a big if) the window of opportunity would be closed.

I do the "I think I'm too ugly to love thing" sometimes too. Why? Because that's easier to accept than the real truth. When we say we are ugly what we are really saying is "the rest of the world is to shallow to see us for more than what is on the outside." ie the problem is "the world"

But the real problem is much much deeper. It is within us, our actions are not normal. Without even seeing your picture I can tell you there is nothing wrong with your looks (that's the good news) but if you are love-shy it means you are a freak of a much deeper nature and much harder to fix (that's the bad news).


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## Toeter

Velvet Neptune said:


> I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.


^ haha

Other than that, thanks for being open and bravely enough to start this treat. I know its being mentioned before but internet will be your biggest chance and most obvious option to get to know someone in a non-awkward way before bringing things to rl. It has been the only way for me to roll into relationships in the past, if it was'nt for internet, I would've never had those experiences either. As for the photo issues, its sad how visual focussed people have become online and use that as a reason not to even respond.. maybe try something grayscaled at first? Using flash dont usually work in your benefits either (I can know. Oh and I would'nt go for the usual datingsites either.. try to blend into online communities that involve something that interests you like embroidering or pottery that way you'll have something in common to start off from.


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## pianist

Same boat as you, I feel like I have the "V" hovering over my head like, "eww stay from him" I would say try to be happy about yourself, I think If I can learn to love myself first, then maybe someone could love me? great advice so far from others, I would only add don't give up hope, not just for the "V" thing but love in general, for thats what make the world go round no?


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## millenniumman75

hmnut said:


> This is pretty much what everyone is going to tell you, but they are probably wrong. If you just have normal social anxiety (as if there is such a thing as "normal" social anxiety), maybe they are right. But if you are truly love shy they are probably wrong.
> 
> Let me tell you something that will make you feel better and then make you feel much worst.
> 
> Your looks don't matter. I mean they do, kind of, but deep down no they don't. Yes if you looked like a male model girls would be throwing themselves at you... ah to dream.
> 
> But unless you look like carnival freak (and before you say you do, if you did you would be complain more about people throwing food and making fun of you when you walk down the street, so it's safe to say you look normal, so), somewhere out there, there is a female who would date you.
> 
> That's the good news...
> 
> The bad news is, you are love shy. That means you could walk up to the perfect woman who likes you (and you like her) and you would miss all the signs. You would not pick up on the subtle clues nor know what to do if somehow you did. And if you liked her you would likely have so much anxiety about asking her out if you ever got the nerve to do it (and that's a big if) the window of opportunity would be closed.
> 
> I do the "I think I'm too ugly to love thing" sometimes too. Why? Because that's easier to accept than the real truth. When we say we are ugly what we are really saying is "the rest of the world is to shallow to see us for more than what is on the outside." ie the problem is "the world"
> 
> But the real problem is much much deeper. It is within us, our actions are not normal. Without even seeing your picture I can tell you there is nothing wrong with your looks (that's the good news) but if you are love-shy it means you are a freak of a much deeper nature and much harder to fix (that's the bad news).


But, I have been noticing the signs as I have become less anxious. In a sense, I am purposely letting it go so I can continue to overcome the anxiety - I will catch the cues at this point, but I won't act on them......yet.


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## hmnut

^^^I am sorry, I was not clear.

I was not directing my comments at you, I was directing them at my fellow love shy victim. 

If you are picking up on the clues, they you either don't have love shyness or you are starting to lose it... good for you. My point is if the TC is love-shy 99 times out of a 100 his looks aren't the problem it is something much deeper and harder to fix.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. We don't feel worthwhile, because some people treat us as unworthwhile, so we avoid people...and as a result, people avoid us. 

If there was an easy answer, I would like to hear it. Unfortunately, life was never easy.


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## humourless

hmnut said:


> ^^^I am sorry, I was not clear.
> 
> I was not directing my comments at you, I was directing them at my fellow love shy victim.
> 
> If you are picking up on the clues, they you either don't have love shyness or you are starting to lose it... good for you. My point is if the TC is love-shy 99 times out of a 100 his looks aren't the problem* it is something much deeper and harder to fix.*


And what is that likely to be? 
You mean stubborn thinking patterns don't you?
I managed to overcome most of my love shyness but not until my thirtees. I made it priority one...a preoccupation more important than work..I forced myself to confront my fear of women/dating....it led to my current marriage of 20 years if that is some inspiration for you..


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## hmnut

humourless said:


> *And what is that likely to be?
> You mean stubborn thinking patterns don't you?*


I actually don't know what I mean. Just I know it is not looks.

Is it stubborn thinking? Maybe in part, but I think it is deeper than that too.

The only way I can explain it is, it is the ANXIETY, not low self-esteem that is the problem. Just the thought of talking to the girl (not even her reaction) causes such anxiety (not nervousness, anxiety as in physical discomfort)... when you get that much anxiety it is easy to give into to the bad thoughts... oh I'm ugly. Because that's an easy out and you don't have to act.

Like for me the idea of talking to a girl in any kind of romantic way brings back issues I had from a very traumatic event from my pre-teen years. To the point that I become near catatonic just at the idea of asking a girl out on a date.

My problem is way deeper than "looks" and probably deeper than just low self esteem.


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## gaz

millenniumman75 said:


> Self-esteem is the big issue. The first no-no is telling ourselves we are ugly.
> Heck, I thought I was unhandsome until people started saying I look like Prince William (actually I have more hair and am 7 years older), but it's weird that even people from the UK say that :lol. If he could get a babe like Miss Kate (well, he does have a title and money, but he could have been....Prince Albert of Monaco :eek), then I should be okay. If there are dudes like me, there are ladeeez out there, too.


I frequently think i am ugly, i often hate looking at photos of myself. I do realise that i am not ugly, i'm just average looking i guess, but my problem is the damn anxiety. You could be the best looking guy in the world but if you haven't got the social skills you're doomed.

I've sometimes noticed women smiling at me but i never get to find out if they're merely being nice or not, because i haven't got the courage to talk to them.


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## DisembodiedVoice

No advice, here, just another person in the same boat as the OP. I'm 40, so do I have some kind of superpowers, as well? I think mine is a deflector shield- deflects women (hell, it deflects people in general- it's awfully powerful).


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## FoggyMirror

Only 27, but may have this problem. Not really sure how to work on it since I have no female friends. I can talk to females in a business sense, but anything more recreational is a problem.


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## matty

humourless said:


> And what is that likely to be?
> You mean stubborn thinking patterns don't you?
> I managed to overcome most of my love shyness but not until my thirtees. I made it priority one...a preoccupation more important than work..I forced myself to confront my fear of women/dating....it led to my current marriage of 20 years if that is some inspiration for you..


Thats awesome.


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## tim78

I am 34, and I am also a virgin. I've learned not to get too obsessed about it. I had one opportunity and I blew it. I have low self esteem too. It's something we have to work on. In Dr. Gilmartin's book he talks about something called practice dating. Not really sure how that works, but start online. Also you can go to loveshy.com for help.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I try not to be bitter about it. That really solves nothing, it really doesn't.

I also think Gilmartin's book is outdated, because I do believe that there are women who are also love shy. He only focuses on the men. If I could meet a girl who is, I'd be so happy, because then I'd have someone to relate to.


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## SnakeEyes

I'm 37 and while I'm not a virgin I may as well be. My wife left me in 1998 and I did a little dating (no sex) the first year after that but haven't even been on so much as a date since. :blank


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## IcedOver

I'm also what the original poster called a Super Virgin -- nothing, ever, never even tried, not even close.


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## Fenren

I don't like the term "love-shy" but I tick all the boxes, come and join the group http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/groups/for-the-love-shy-410/ .

Really it's just part of the bigger picture of being social anxious for me. I'm also work-shy, friend-shy, you name it!
Your super virgin rubber cape made out of expired condoms, you're a funny guy OP.


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## cloister2

I force myself to go out to the city every night and walk around. I start talking with random people in bars or outside of bars, just whoever looks approachable. I spoke with 4 guys last night and one asked for my email address to participate in some writing project. I figure this will make me feel less awkward with time and more comfortable around people. Also taking rejections from women, sometimes both barrels in the face helps toughen you. At 33 I guess I kind of panicked. Like others here I have never even breathed on a girl. I tried online dating but no one would respond to me and it just seems easier to see people in person. The other day, however, a couple girls at a bar basically told me I'm a freak with no social skills after like 20 minutes of talking and she became interested in my friend. I think if I tried to plant a kiss on one she would laugh at me. I care a lot what other people think. I care more than life itself.


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## erasercrumbs

Is it possible to be love shy if you really are as ugly as you think you are? Because I am.


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## aloneanddizzy

erasercrumbs said:


> Is it possible to be love shy if you really are as ugly as you think you are? Because I am.


Same here, and I think it is possible. I know I am painfully shy and always have been, but some years back I also was confronted by absolute empirical proof that I am in fact one of the ugliest guys around (something that instantly made sense of literally dozens of once-confusing encounters with women throughout my younger years &#8230; it was a real eye-opening moment, for sure).

I guess I feel that love shyness in an ugly person is sort of like a violinist having a not-so-good bowing hand but entirely lacking a 2nd arm to actually hold and finger notes on the instrument. I.e., the bowing hand problem may be a source of pain to the violinist, but in the end it's sort of moot.


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## awkwardsilent

Hey, 

From the gal perspective so okay I've never ever even had a date. I can't claim the Super V status exactly in that yes I've held hands with a guy but he was just a friend, even cuddled with a guy who was just a friend. (people thought we were dating but I was not his type, we really were just good friends!) But really since it wasn't romantic does it count? 

I don't think I am love shy but I am definitely inexperienced and I get awkward talking to male acquaintances. I second guess myself a lot more than I do with women. So from the peanut gallery just saying girls can be just as intimidated by the idea of talking to a guy. 

Telling ourselves we are ugly is counter productive, there are things we can change and things we can't. I can lose weight, I can put more time into my hair and makeup. I can chose to dress better and get more regular hair cuts. Guys can do the same (okay maybe not so much with the makeup you CAN but most choose not to use makeup  ) 

We can work on how we act, and how we frame our perspectives. I really just am working on being a better version of myself. I really want to be someone that I feel is worth getting attention. Right now I think I wouldn't be able to accept it if it happened because I don't like myself enough yet right now. :-(


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## twigz

humourless said:


> And what is that likely to be?
> You mean stubborn thinking patterns don't you?
> I managed to overcome most of my love shyness but not until my thirtees. I made it priority one...a preoccupation more important than work..I forced myself to confront my fear of women/dating....it led to my current marriage of 20 years if that is some inspiration for you..


Nice. Any kids?


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## ravens

I'm 41 and have never kissed a girl or had sex. In high school I was told that a girl liked me, but when I talked to her she laughed at me. When I was 17 I looked like I was 12 or 13 years old. I live with my parents and both of them have health problems.


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## lonesomeboy

33 - same boat.. (


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## pca

Have you considered a prostitute? Then atleast you would have some experience rather than null. If you have the desire, go for it.


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## Sasa1390

Im in a same boat with all of you love shys. but dont be dissapointed. It is much much difficult to have a regular life but you have created to try very very much also and be sure with a good try things will be changed even if it is slowly. Unfortunately I found that Im a love shy but hopefully my study was in psychology. 

but take the steps and try:
1- You couldnt reach girls. you have a huge anxiety. first you should lower the anxiety. the first step is imagination. everyday take a time to imagine yourself in real situations when you are talking to girls. that they love you. they love to be with you. they praise you, etc. (at first step even imagination is difficult but it will be easy when you try.) do it 2 or 3 times a day. never approach the girls if you have an improvement. just do it enough. 

2- After the rehearse forget about being like another guys who have gf. try those who get money for sex (prostitues).

3- If you know a professional psychoanalyst (not psychiatrist) go and ask for a therapy. 

4- read inspirtual texts and book very much. it could help. 

5- Read Dr. Gilbermartin Book about love shyness. 

As a love shy I found that the main problem is with imagination. you couldnt have even an imagination. It is the main thing that you should do and you should find the way to imagination about being with girls. Imagination is successful when you feel different during imagination.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I consider myself love shy, but don't go to the forum. They're all a bunch of nuts.


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## Sasa1390

Im not english. what do you mean by " a bunch of nuts" ?


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## theseventhkey

Sasa1390 said:


> Im not english. what do you mean by " a bunch of nuts" ?


Outta of their ****ing minds. lol.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Sasa1390 said:


> Im not english. what do you mean by " a bunch of nuts" ?


Nuts = people that are crazy (and not in a good way.)

I am not talking about the mentally ill, but good people here. Many people on their forum are just plain evil people. The FBI should be monitoring them for possible serial killers.


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## Sasa1390

to Winterstale: I think it maybe not a good idea to with a love shy girls. they are less in percent than boys. also love shy boy often desire himself to be with top girls and being with girls who underestimate themselves is not satisfactory for them. besides when both sides have the same problem things may get worse even. but if tried and found it helpful tell us also.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Umm, dude, I am a guy. I know it gets confusing with the avatars, but I am a man. 

And I am a former poster at the love shy forum, but constantly was bombarded with people insulting me. I left the forum, because they got really nasty. One admin was harassing me in general.


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## Sasa1390

I know that you are man. cause most love shys are men.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I don't know how to relate to women, except as friends. If that was what you were asking?

Dude, I don't know. Girls are confusing.


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## ARC Australia

*Dude, go to a brothel*



Velvet Neptune said:


> I am 38 year old male and a virgin. But it's more than that. I'm a Super Virgin. I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.
> 
> I haven't kissed a girl. I don't think I've been face to face close with a girl ever. I never held hands with a girl. I don't know what flirting is. I never had any romantic hints ever in my life and I can tell I am not seen as a future romantic partner.
> 
> I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I used to think I was hideous, but I have settled for average at best. This no longer bothers me as much but it's still a problem.
> 
> This is bothering me, like seriously. I am incredibly lonely, but I have no potentials that can turn into something serious. I am not what you call an unsociable person, I have plenty of friends and get along with everyone. I just have a problem socializing when it comes to the opposite sex. I can't relax around them. I avoid situations. I have nothing interesting to say about myself especially since I still live with my mom and my job doesn't rake in the dough, so ya there's some embarrassment there.
> 
> I have social anxiety of course, but I am reading about this Love Shy thing. I don't think there's been a case as extreme as mine where a man is in his late 30s and he hasn't so much as held hands with a girl.
> 
> I had a question before I started typing, but now I forgot it. Guess this is a rant. I am trying to find ways to meet women, but when you're my age, with 0 experience, not too attractive and have this little barrier called social anxiety, there seems to be no way out.


Mate- do your self a favour and ditch the cape And head down to the local "knock shop, cat house, " etc and take the first big step. Not that your a virgin( who cares right?) I would imagine that the ladies have seen it all and will give you the right level of attention. Maybe just a hug to start with? Good for confidence and selfestime building"

Good luck, I could not imagine a life with out sex/love. Hence my response


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## DeeperUnderstanding

^ That isn't love. That is soliciting an STD ridden hooker.


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## Sasa1390

WintersTale said:


> I don't know how to relate to women, except as friends. If that was what you were asking?
> 
> Dude, I don't know. Girls are confusing.


Sorry I replied to one your previous comments that you said Gilmartin is outdated and you want to find a female love shy to easily relate. I told you that it may be not a good idea.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Sasa1390 said:


> Sorry I replied to one your previous comments that you said Gilmartin is outdated and you want to find a female love shy to easily relate. I told you that it may be not a good idea.


Then at least a female who has social anxiety, that I can relate to.

Love Shyness is, what I believe, social phobia, but on a more extreme level.


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## Sasa1390

WintersTale said:


> I don't know how to relate to women, except as friends. If that was what you were asking?
> 
> Dude, I don't know. Girls are confusing.


If you dont have anxiety to relate with girls then it will be very easy to catch girls. be sure. just you should know some skills and apply them. then go and find girls with just a bit courage.

the matter with the love shyness is that they have a huge anxiety when they want to relate with girls. even if they know all skills but the anxiety inhibits.


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## Sasa1390

WintersTale said:


> Then at least a female who has social anxiety, that I can relate to.
> 
> Love Shyness is, what I believe, social phobia, but on a more extreme level.


I dont know but I think it wont be useful because when both side have the same problem things often go bad and is not satisfactory. even Dr. Gilmartin suggested group therapy of love shys. I think it is not useful (only useful for not being so alone) cause all have the same basic problem.

I think love shy should work hard on himself. this is the way.


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## mzmz

******s are safer then ****s*

Because they get tested super often. 
Stop being so scared, sometimes desperate situations cal for desperate solutions.

And there are love shy women. I'm one of them, and it ruined my life. I get laid, so maybe you think just cause us love shy girls aren't virgins, we are not love shy. I always find a guy that wont say no..someone i dont like or respect, and I endanger myself to not go without. If that sounds better...

Guess i could have stuck to my morels, then i would still be a virgin.


----------



## Nexus777

mzmz said:


> Because they get tested super often.
> Stop being so scared, sometimes desperate situations cal for desperate solutions.
> 
> And there are love shy women. I'm one of them, and it ruined my life. I get laid, so maybe you think just cause us love shy girls aren't virgins, we are not love shy. I always find a guy that wont say no..someone i dont like or respect, and I endanger myself to not go without. If that sounds better...
> 
> Guess i could have stuck to my morels, then i would still be a virgin.


I am new to forum from Old Europe  I am also Love Shy, mostz definnitions from the book and what I read on the net fit to me. I also suffer of course from depression as well "normal" SA (which is not as bad as love shay, cause I learned to live without much people - just when I need to job for example). But living without love/sex/women seems imopssible on the long run:

We men always imagine that for women it is not as worse, for 2 reasons: a) they can be shy thats even cute to most of us and men need to make the first move anyway and b) they live better without sex as they can find emotional support better than men with their friends/family. Maybe I am wrong ?

I am very jelous of guys who get a girl after another or even get approached themselfes by women I admit it :um


----------



## Nexus777

Mh, how can I edit my post ? However I want to mention I am not really virgin in that sense, actually I had the opportunity years ago once or twice but it didn´t work out cause I had a blockade.

I visited "hookers" however severall times (when I had the money) but for me that of course does not count, if you pay for it. Also there is no love. I also tried of course much online dating, did not work I don´t get answers - seems my pics are too ugly (I hope I am not that ugly in reality but sure not good looking otherwise more girls would maybe interested - yeashh I know there are other factor confidence, humour, money etc. but looks in these days are in the top 3 for both genders I am sure).


----------



## Sasa1390

Nexus777 said:


> I also tried of course much online dating, did not work I don´t get answers - seems my pics are too ugly (I hope I am not that ugly in reality but sure not good looking otherwise more girls would maybe interested - yeashh I know there are other factor confidence, humour, money etc. but looks in these days are in the top 3 for both genders I am sure).


It is my story also. even on the net girls are not attracted to me. but it isnt about being ugly. it is because girls are very aware of men who encounter even in web. 
for pick up a girl being handsome helps but it is not the main thing. the main thing is to be relax and confident. I know many people who arent handsome or they are ugly or average but they are with hottest girls.


----------



## Sasa1390

I have a question to members of this forum : Do you have any problem also with riding a car and bicycle ? Do you have problem to make friends with males?

Actually even now I have a problem that I couldnt ride car or bicycle. I used to not able to talk with others easily. I was very very shy. I couldnt talk in classes or ask sth from the teacher. about talking in front of others forget it. it was impossible.


----------



## BillDauterive

I definitely am love shy, I do not ever imagine falling in love, getting intimate with a girl, getting into any sort of relationship with a girl, etc. The only way I see that (and even that is a huge stretch) is to get a "mail-order bride" from my home country which is something my parents are trying to convince me towards. They are open to me getting a girl myself, but they know as well as I do, that that is never going to happen so they are suggesting this route instead of being alone and a virgin forever. :no 
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want to kill off my desire for women, sex, a companion, relationships, etc. entirely. I want to purge all of this from my system somehow so it never bothers me because I will never be able to fulfill these basic, human desires.


----------



## cloister2

Rahul87 said:


> I want to kill off my desire for women, sex, a companion, relationships, etc. entirely. I want to purge all of this from my system somehow so it never bothers me because I will never be able to fulfill these basic, human desires.


Yeah me too because that can only make you more attractive to women. If you talk to them and almost seem uninterested. Who knows. Then maybe you and maybe even I won't die unfulfilled pathetic old virgins.


----------



## dop

*There's others out there? I'm 35-yo Super Virgin!*

Though I don't have the cape because I never bothered buying condoms. I doubt online porn prepares one for the real thing, so I'm SCARED! I'm so scared of sex, yet I want someone to love me more than anything. I did hold a woman's hand a year ago and I burst out in tears on my kitchen table, just to imagine a woman holding my hand. I felt awkward, out of place, and I could not control my emotions. She had no idea what was going on as I wept with her hand in mine.

Ya, she won't see me anymore. But it was a step. One step forward. As depressing as this is, I'm glad to read of others and that I'm not the only older virgin. I always felt myself a pariah, abnormal, and atypical. Well, it is atypical, but we are not bad people. Maybe this will give me some solace, as depression is a killer. And feeling like the only one is a real depressing killer.


----------



## BillDauterive

cloister2 said:


> Yeah me too because that can only make you more attractive to women. If you talk to them and almost seem uninterested. Who knows. Then maybe you and maybe even I won't die unfulfilled pathetic old virgins.


Haha, the "playing hard to get" mentality. 

I can certainly understand it. I always get a crush on girls that are out of my league and do not want to go for a girl that will actually like me back. I keep wanting what I can't have. Is it all my crazy subconscious? The only realistic way I will get a girl (and even this is a stretch!) is through an arranged marriage from our home country and the main draw for her would be my green-card. Feh. :no

I think even if I didn't care about a girl and then she was drawn to me because of that, I am certainly no male super-model nor pretty boy. I'm not hideously ugly, but quite mediocre at best. Even if I was the last male alive, women would still think twice before going for me.
If I was a girl, I wouldn't go for me. If I wouldn't go for me, how the hell will anyone else!?!?

Those seem to be my only choices, to settle being alone and a virgin forever (and hopefully being happy about it) or to get that arranged marriage done and over with and hopefully roll the dice and see if actually turns out well.


----------



## Ponceau 4R

have you guys ever heard (or knew about) a story that two people didn't come together because none of them thought that the other is interested?


----------



## Biggles

Rahul87 said:


> ...If I wouldn't go for me, how the hell will anyone else!?!?
> 
> Those seem to be my only choices, to settle being alone and a virgin forever (and hopefully being happy about it) or to get that arranged marriage done and over with and hopefully roll the dice and see if actually turns out well.


I think you answered your own question there. You need to work on _really_ liking yourself, then others will be attracted to you. They won't even know why - because we are attracted to people who like who they are - and it is independent of looks, intelligence, money and all the things we typically measure ourselves by, and which we use to compare ourselves to celebrities and others we admire or envy.

P.S. Arranged marriages I heard have a similar success rate as "love- based" marriages (about 50%), if that eases your mind. But those are the 50% that survive, that does not mean the couples are happy. Kinda tells you all you need to know about the traditional "find our soul mate and then live happily ever after" fairy tale. No, I'm not being cynical, I'm just saying that relationships do not survive long term on physical attraction, being able to buy lots of toys or thinking we've found someone who "completes us". Because they also think that you complete them. It's fantasy and when the fantasy fades (which it does) we have to deal with what's real. And if we don't know how to do that, we're in trouble. And if we get our notion of what's real from celebrity lives and "reality" shows, we're doomed.


----------



## glamourpuss80

I agree about online dating. That's how I got married and it's so much easier if you have SA. I am an Eharmony success story and found it easier to get to know someone before you meet them which takes off some of the anxiety. I find it easier for me to flirt and show that I was interested online than in person at first. I was very shy to flirt with someone I didn't know. I always ignored guys who seemed interested due to my shyness. Anyways, I think it would be easier to you to find a lady online. You may want to give it a try


----------



## cloister2

Biggles said:


> I think you answered your own question there. You need to work on _really_ liking yourself, then others will be attracted to you. They won't even know why - because we are attracted to people who like who they are - and it is independent of looks, intelligence, money and all the things we typically measure ourselves by, and which we use to compare ourselves to celebrities and others we admire or envy.


Is this a comment on just how retarded humans really are?


----------



## Biggles

The point I was trying to make is that liking who we are is more important than the things we have been taught are important (money, looks etc.). But we typically don't get taught to like ourselves. Most of the messages we got growing up were negative ones. But as adults we can change that programming.


----------



## cloister2

Biggles said:


> The point I was trying to make is that liking who we are is more important than the things we have been taught are important (money, looks etc.). But we typically don't get taught to like ourselves. Most of the messages we got growing up were negative ones. But as adults we can change that programming.


How?


----------



## jackbruns28

Velvet Neptune said:


> I am 38 year old male and a virgin. But it's more than that. I'm a Super Virgin. I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.
> 
> I haven't kissed a girl. I don't think I've been face to face close with a girl ever. I never held hands with a girl. I don't know what flirting is. I never had any romantic hints ever in my life and I can tell I am not seen as a future romantic partner.
> 
> I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I used to think I was hideous, but I have settled for average at best. This no longer bothers me as much but it's still a problem.
> 
> This is bothering me, like seriously. I am incredibly lonely, but I have no potentials that can turn into something serious. I am not what you call an unsociable person, I have plenty of friends and get along with everyone. I just have a problem socializing when it comes to the opposite sex. I can't relax around them. I avoid situations. I have nothing interesting to say about myself especially since I still live with my mom and my job doesn't rake in the dough, so ya there's some embarrassment there.
> 
> I have social anxiety of course, but I am reading about this Love Shy thing. I don't think there's been a case as extreme as mine where a man is in his late 30s and he hasn't so much as held hands with a girl.
> 
> I had a question before I started typing, but now I forgot it. Guess this is a rant. I am trying to find ways to meet women, but when you're my age, with 0 experience, not too attractive and have this little barrier called social anxiety, there seems to be no way out.


Well. You could always do what i did back when i was 24 and just get yourself a prostitute and just get it over with. Yeah the christcranks and forum yentas may complain. But screw em. Alay is alay is alay. If your in a relationship your paying. Hell uncle sam is the worlds biggest pimp. Just try and get away with paying no taxes. Lol. Besides that you could do what im trying to do. Get a degree in comp science and move abroad. Alot of foreign women arent as stuck up and so judgemental like american/canadian/uk broads are. Anyways whichever road you take good luck. Ive got your back.


----------



## komorikun

jackbruns28 said:


> Well. You could always do what i did back when i was 24 and just get yourself a prostitute and just get it over with. Yeah the christcranks and forum yentas may complain. But screw em. Alay is alay is alay. If your in a relationship your paying. Hell uncle sam is the worlds biggest pimp. Just try and get away with paying no taxes. Lol. Besides that you could do what im trying to do. Get a degree in comp science and move abroad. Alot of foreign women arent as stuck up and so judgemental like american/canadian/uk broads are. Anyways whichever road you take good luck. Ive got your back.


Foreign women just want your money and a green card.


----------



## hypestyle

still dealing with "super-v" status myself.. finishing school (undergrad) this week; actively working toward getting a new job/career path and moving out of state on my own. I hope the increased self-responsibility will at least prompt me to be less anxious about my circumstances (living w. family, not having finished a degree), which is a major ongoing hangup..
wish I could find a fellow guy in the same boat so we could exchange notes and issues, try to be each other's wingman at social outings..


----------



## Biggles

cloister2 said:


> How?


I have to ask if that is a request for information or simply an expression of skepticism/disbelief? I am unable to tell which.


----------



## jackbruns28

komorikun said:


> Foreign women just want your money and a green card.


Ah, but you assume that i plan on returning to the states. In fact, my long term goal is to save up enough money while abroad. Once i have enough, i'll bag myself a nice 18 year old russian, move to the country, start up a farm, and have like eight kids.


----------



## Mongoose

jackbruns28 said:


> Well. You could always do what i did back when i was 24 and just get yourself a prostitute and just get it over with. Yeah the christcranks and forum yentas may complain. But screw em. Alay is alay is alay. If your in a relationship your paying. Hell uncle sam is the worlds biggest pimp. Just try and get away with paying no taxes. Lol. Besides that you could do what im trying to do. Get a degree in comp science and move abroad. Alot of foreign women arent as stuck up and so judgemental like american/canadian/uk broads are. Anyways whichever road you take good luck. Ive got your back.


I really don't get people who advise virgins to go to prostitutes. For one thing, it's illegal, and if you get arrested for it, I assume it will come up in a background check, which would be pretty embarrassing. For another thing, it's dangerous, as prostitutes typically have STDs. But what really drives me crazy is the total inability of certain people to get it through their thick skulls that guys like me (and I assume OP) would like to be in relationships. Going to a prostitute isn't going to address the problem. If anything, it would probably compound the problem. I also feel really insulted when people suggest that a virgin go to a prostitute. They're communicating to that person that he's unworthy of a woman's love.


----------



## komorikun

jackbruns28 said:


> Ah, but you assume that i plan on returning to the states. In fact, my long term goal is to save up enough money while abroad. Once i have enough, i'll bag myself a nice 18 year old russian, move to the country, start up a farm, and have like eight kids.


I see. So you are okay with being used for money.


----------



## jackbruns28

Mongoose said:


> I really don't get people who advise virgins to go to prostitutes. For one thing, it's illegal, and if you get arrested for it, I assume it will come up in a background check, which would be pretty embarrassing. For another thing, it's dangerous, as prostitutes typically have STDs. But what really drives me crazy is the total inability of certain people to get it through their thick skulls that guys like me (and I assume OP) would like to be in relationships. Going to a prostitute isn't going to address the problem. If anything, it would probably compound the problem. I also feel really insulted when people suggest that a virgin go to a prostitute. They're communicating to that person that he's unworthy of a woman's love.


Marijuana is illegal, yet many people do it. Jaywalking I believe is still illegal. In some cities, spitting on the sidewalk is illegal. Don't let the American police state out there scare you. Because that's exactly what they want and expect from you. Fear.

Now, as far as prostitutes are concerned, they come in various quality. Obviously you don't want the ghetto skanks, so just look for the ones with cheery smiles who aren't all thugged out looking. If you conversate with them, and they speak ebonics as an example. Stay away. What you can do is go to some online escort sites. Some are pricier than others, but remember, you are paying for quality. And many ladies of the night are just as concerned about getting raped, beaten, contracting an STD as you are. They actually like shy guys for the most part. The sweethearts anyway.

Look, I understand your desire for a long term relationship. Believe you me, I actually hunger for some type of real love. But being 18, shy and awkward is different when you are 38 and still shy and awkward around women. The former is cute to them, the latter...........creepy. This isn't a Judd Apatow movie. Those type of dudes don't get the cool chick at the end in the real world. Besides, you gotta start somewhere. Whether you pay for it or not..........nothing.......I am telling you all, NOTHING beats the caress/kiss of a lady. No drug will ever replace that. Ever.


----------



## Mongoose

jackbruns28 said:


> Look, I understand your desire for a long term relationship. Believe you me, I actually hunger for some type of real love. But being 18, shy and awkward is different when you are 38 and still shy and awkward around women. The former is cute to them, the latter...........creepy. This isn't a Judd Apatow movie. Those type of dudes don't get the cool chick at the end in the real world. Besides, you gotta start somewhere. Whether you pay for it or not..........nothing.......I am telling you all, NOTHING beats the caress/kiss of a lady. No drug will ever replace that. Ever.


You're assuming being with a prostitute will make one less creepy. I'd say it would make one more creepy. I don't know of many women who would want to date a guy who has been with a prostitute.


----------



## jackbruns28

komorikun said:


> I see. So you are okay with being used for money.


(shrug)We all use each other for something in some way. Whether we admit it or not is an entirely different debate. That being said, the type I will be gunning for will be a type that I can mold mentally to my preference. She'll like the same things I like. Watching movies, working on the farm, listening to some good rock/punk/ska(no hip hop), raising my kids.

If she's cool with all that, I will not be concerned in the slightest about what may or may not happen. Course' a Romanian cutie would be nice...........doesn't have to be Russian.


----------



## jackbruns28

Mongoose said:


> You're assuming being with a prostitute will make one less creepy. I'd say it would make one more creepy. I don't know of many women who would want to date a guy who has been with a prostitute.


Well, I'm not going to celebrate it and shout it out where everyone can hear, but you need some experience with women by the time your that old. How the hell are you going to explain that to a potential date that you've NEVER had an intimate relationship with a woman before? Because it will show.


----------



## komorikun

jackbruns28 said:


> (shrug)We all use each other for something in some way. Whether we admit it or not is an entirely different debate. That being said, the type I will be gunning for will be a type that I can mold mentally to my preference. She'll like the same things I like. Watching movies, working on the farm, listening to some good rock/punk/ska(no hip hop), raising my kids.
> 
> If she's cool with all that, I will not be concerned in the slightest about what may or may not happen. Course' a Romanian cutie would be nice...........doesn't have to be Russian.


So you are looking for a young, impoverished woman to brain wash.


----------



## jackbruns28

komorikun said:


> So you are looking for a young, impoverished woman to brain wash.


Not in the slightest. When you use that term "brainwash", what comes to mind is kidnapping and forcing someone to accomodate your beliefs. Kinda like Stockholm Syndrome. I'm just looking for someone cool, pretty, fertile, keeps an open mind that I can help shape to mirror my own cultural values. Being out in the country will allow me to do that.


----------



## Mongoose

jackbruns28 said:


> Well, I'm not going to celebrate it and shout it out where everyone can hear, but you need some experience with women by the time your that old. How the hell are you going to explain that to a potential date that you've NEVER had an intimate relationship with a woman before? Because it will show.


Being with a prostitute is not an intimate relationship. Even if you become a sexpert from doing it with prostitutes, you're still going to have to explain why you've never been in a relationship. That's why someone like me is screwed no matter what he does. I might as well keep my dignity.


----------



## jackbruns28

Mongoose said:


> Being with a prostitute is not an intimate relationship. Even if you become a sexpert from doing it with prostitutes, you're still going to have to explain why you've never been in a relationship. That's why someone like me is screwed no matter what he does. I might as well keep my dignity.


But it is the next best thing. The least they can do is show you how to kiss a woman. Just lie to your potential date about past relationships then. Whatever works. Whatever gets your foot in the door. Fake it till you make it. And who knows. Maybe you can make an honest woman out of said prostitute. That almost happened to me with my first.


----------



## BillDauterive

komorikun said:


> Foreign women just want your money and a green card.


I think I may have to go that route eventually. I feel still that my pride is too high to go such a route and I still have hope to actually get a girl to like me for who I am inside or that I'd rather be alone instead. But I believe as I get older and more desperate for companionship/love/sex, etc, I will eventually go that route with a girl from my home country. Even then, I will be surprised if a girl will still be attracted to me because of that. I can see myself getting rejected even by them.

More than likely, I see her getting the better end of the bargain than myself. I would not be the type of guy to exploit her, especially if she is very impoverished, less educated, etc. I would not be like those guys who would treat her as a sex or work slave, dominate over her, not let her make friends or leave the house, etc. If anything, she would probably wield a rolling pin over me. I am just too nice and meek and submissive.


----------



## jackbruns28

Rahul87 said:


> I think I may have to go that route eventually. I feel still that my pride is too high to go such a route and I still have hope to actually get a girl to like me for who I am inside or that I'd rather be alone instead. But I believe as I get older and more desperate for companionship/love/sex, etc, I will eventually go that route with a girl from my home country. Even then, I will be surprised if a girl will still be attracted to me because of that. I can see myself getting rejected even by them.
> 
> More than likely, I see her getting the better end of the bargain than myself. I would not be the type of guy to exploit her, especially if she is very impoverished, less educated, etc. I would not be like those guys who would treat her as a sex or work slave, dominate over her, not let her make friends or leave the house, etc. If anything, she would probably wield a rolling pin over me. I am just too nice and meek and submissive.


Nothing wrong with that. No matter what the forum yentas say. You're in a relationship. Maybe not what is typical propaganda in our jacked our society, but a relationship nonetheless.

As I just stated. If you get them young enough, you can mold them to your own specifications. And women do that. All the time. Look at current American culture. Do you really/truly believe women would have been in any way attracted to say the hip hop culture a hundred years ago? Of course not. But they are now. And that is just an example of women/girls needing no CRAVING to be led by any male to a better life.

Just look at the legions of women going for the ghetto thugs of today. Is that right? Is that healthy? I don't know. But what I have learned is that girls will go for pretty much anything at a certain age if you have the social/financial standing for it. You honestly believe an ugly mofo like Jay Z would be getting any play if he didn't produce and wrap all those songs? HELL NO!


----------



## Mongoose

jackbruns28 said:


> But it is the next best thing. The least they can do is show you how to kiss a woman. Just lie to your potential date about past relationships then. Whatever works. Whatever gets your foot in the door. Fake it till you make it. And who knows. Maybe you can make an honest woman out of said prostitute. That almost happened to me with my first.


You're kidding with this bullcrap, right?


----------



## jackbruns28

Mongoose said:


> You're kidding with this bullcrap, right?


Dude, if you knew my history.........if you knew my past...........no joke. I was even taken aback. Which on retrospect back then I was paranoid, but not really anymore these days. I guess that's the good thing about dealing with SAD at a later age is that you accept your flaws. No matter how harsh. But yeah, the condom came off during the middle of our adventure, and she just didn't want me to seed her at all. Which I didn't. Afterwards she wanted me to hang out with her, which I declined. Yeah, I regret that one. LOL!


----------



## cloister2

Biggles said:


> I have to ask if that is a request for information or simply an expression of skepticism/disbelief? I am unable to tell which.


never mind


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm sorry, but the problem is relating to women in the way that would lead to a romantic relationship, sex inside a relationship, and marriage and children.

I don't see sex with a hooker teaching me social skills. It'll just be masturbation, abit more pleasurable than with my hand.


----------



## ywf

I put myself on a free dating site. I don't think I'd worry about not being photogenic, it really depends on the woman. I received an online message from some guy who I never thought was my "ideal", ok not even close to my ideal. My first thought was "no" but he seemed really confident and like a fun person so I messaged him back.

My problem with dating is that my photos are way better than what I really look like, I hate it. It's easy for me to find someone online from a stupid pic or from my webcam, but when they meet me face to face they're going to see bad skin, and an old overweight 36 year old. Sucks. Someone wants to meet this weekend, and I really want to meet him, but it's so nervewracking wondering about the worst that could happen. Worst that could happen is that my self-esteem might go down if he doesn't like me--that actually does sound like death--I need what's left of myself-esteem. *sigh* I just want to spend my life with someone I love.


----------



## jimity

hmnut said:


> There are treatments for love shy-ness but as others have said, they are not cheap... a


Pop an xtc pill. Problem solved.


----------



## loumon

Biggles said:


> I'm just saying that relationships do not survive long term on physical attraction, being able to buy lots of toys or thinking we've found someone who "completes us". Because they also think that you complete them. It's fantasy and when the fantasy fades (which it does) we have to deal with what's real. And if we don't know how to do that, we're in trouble. And if we get our notion of what's real from celebrity lives and "reality" shows, we're doomed.


That's a whole lot of wisdom, brother.


----------



## Biggles

ywf said:


> My problem with dating is that my photos are way better than what I really look like, I hate it. It's easy for me to find someone online from a stupid pic or from my webcam, but when they meet me face to face they're going to see bad skin, and an old overweight 36 year old. Sucks. Someone wants to meet this weekend, and I really want to meet him, but it's so nervewracking wondering about the worst that could happen. Worst that could happen is that my self-esteem might go down if he doesn't like me--that actually does sound like death--I need what's left of myself-esteem. *sigh* I just want to spend my life with someone I love.


So, I have to ask the obvious question - how many overweight 36 year old women who don't have supermodel looks are dating, getting married, married etc. right now and their spouses love them as they are? The problem is not anything about your age, weight, height, looks, personality etc. it's only about your fear of rejection and what you would make that rejection (if it happened) mean. And you also need to see if you sabotage a meeting with a date which would point to a fear of relationships intimacy stemming from a fear of rejection or low self image.

It's all about what we think of ourselves and our fear of the pain that comes with rejection. We are really sensitive people who were criticized, rejected for who we were growing up which killed our self esteem and convinced us we are basically flawed. It's not true and we need to change that. Everything else will follow.

Hope I don't come across as preaching :um. It's a simple concept, just hard for us to do.


----------



## ywf

Biggles said:


> So, I have to ask the obvious question - how many overweight 36 year old women who don't have supermodel looks are dating, getting married, married etc. right now and their spouses love them as they are? QUOTE]
> 
> I am going to guess not many, especially for women. Women tend to be more willing to date based on personality than men do.


----------



## NameGame

ywf said:


> Biggles said:
> 
> 
> 
> So, I have to ask the obvious question - how many overweight 36 year old women who don't have supermodel looks are dating, getting married, married etc. right now and their spouses love them as they are? QUOTE]
> 
> I am going to guess not many, especially for women. Women tend to be more willing to date based on personality than men do.
> 
> 
> 
> Can you prove that? What are you basing this on?
Click to expand...


----------



## Abroad of the evolution

Velvet Neptune said:


> I am 38 year old male and a virgin. But it's more than that. I'm a Super Virgin. I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.
> 
> I haven't kissed a girl. I don't think I've been face to face close with a girl ever. I never held hands with a girl. I don't know what flirting is. I never had any romantic hints ever in my life and I can tell I am not seen as a future romantic partner.
> 
> I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I used to think I was hideous, but I have settled for average at best. This no longer bothers me as much but it's still a problem.
> 
> This is bothering me, like seriously. I am incredibly lonely, but I have no potentials that can turn into something serious. I am not what you call an unsociable person, I have plenty of friends and get along with everyone. I just have a problem socializing when it comes to the opposite sex. I can't relax around them. I avoid situations. I have nothing interesting to say about myself especially since I still live with my mom and my job doesn't rake in the dough, so ya there's some embarrassment there.
> 
> I have social anxiety of course, but I am reading about this Love Shy thing. I don't think there's been a case as extreme as mine where a man is in his late 30s and he hasn't so much as held hands with a girl.
> 
> I had a question before I started typing, but now I forgot it. Guess this is a rant. I am trying to find ways to meet women, but when you're my age, with 0 experience, not too attractive and have this little barrier called social anxiety, there seems to be no way out.


Man, I nearly 21, and completely sure that you future is awaitng for me.
I just can't have relationships. I don't feel uncofortable with girls, and with girls I like too (may be little nervous) but I can easily joke, talk and so on.
And I know, sometimes girls like me. But I just can't. I think, that they like some image of myself, 70% is their imagination and this has nothing in common with me. Real me.
And than I realise, that being closer lets them know real me - empty, not good at all, without any sexual experience. That would be a disaster. It is better to keep everything how it goes.
By the way, my father thinks I'm gay. That's why we don't communicate really. And I'm just embarassed to discuss my problem and tell him, that I'm straight. In fact this is much of his fault, he is cruel and was always critising me. But I don't hate him really.
I lost all my friends from childhood. They started to ask me, or discuss their previous relations, coz we grew up and they have a lot of this stuff in their lifes. I don't wanna lie, don't wanna tell truth, don't wanna keep silience, because it also an answer. So I stoped to hang up with them.
I see the only way - suicide. It's not like "poor me, care about me" coz I write it here, anonymosly. It is decision I'm sure in, I'm not hesistating, I'm aetheist so no religious fear here. Just waiting till my grandma dies her own death, coz he heart is weak and me commiting suicide... Don't wanna be reason for her death, even though this won't bother me beside life.


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## Abroad of the evolution

And most of all in the world I hate that feeling when you realise that you're starting to like some girl... Because you know, this will bring you only pain and suffer. It usually goes for one-two months, till you body stops hormones production. And this is two months of being in hell.


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## Starss

I'm also love shy and I hate feeling like this.


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## Abroad of the evolution

At least we know that we're not alone in what we feel and what we are going through. But all these guys 30+ years old. I just don't want wait this to happen.


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## TheWelshOne

I don't know if people are still checking this thread, but hi anyway. I'm 27, with Super V status, and I'm a girl. Tried online dating and actually got some responses but I got so paranoid that the guys who messaged me were just joking that I quit the site. Online dating may work in some ways but it's not all that helpful at telling when people are genuine.
I'd like to give everyone here some sort of platitude like 'It'll get better' or 'it'll get easier to deal with' but who am I kidding? I don't even believe it myself. Just wanted all you guys out there to be aware that some of us girls are in the same boat.


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## TheWelshOne

Oh, and to all those suggesting prostitutes - what are girls supposed to do? (An actual genuine question, since I doubt any guy would be happy having to teach a girl in her late-20s how to kiss etc)


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## Sonnyboy

TheWelshOne said:


> Oh, and to all those suggesting prostitutes - what are girls supposed to do? (An actual genuine question, since I doubt any guy would be happy having to teach a girl in her late-20s how to kiss etc)


Prostitution is not really a good answer. I have been approached by prostitutes and it does not seem right to me and I don't think I could do that. When a girl is only having sex with you to buy drugs it seems wrong to me. Any of us can achieve these same end results anyhow that we could with a prostitute and have an orgasm.

What people want is companionship and sleeping with prostitutes is a negative thing to do. You may learn to kiss and other things, but you will also be corrupting yourself and possibly get an std. You should not really exchange any body fluids with a prostitute, that means kissing and oral sex also. And even if your wearing a condom you can still get things like genital warts and other stds.

Don't compare yourself to other people if you can do this it will make your life much easier. We think we should have been in love by now, but there is no real rule about this sort of thing.


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## Alone75

TheWelshOne said:


> Oh, and to all those suggesting prostitutes - what are girls supposed to do? (An actual genuine question, since I doubt any guy would be happy having to teach a girl in her late-20s how to kiss etc)


Plenty of guys would have no problem with showing a woman how to kiss and more. It would be a turn-on to be her first lover for most guys also!


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## TheWelshOne

ZeroPoint said:


> Plenty of guys would have no problem with showing a woman how to kiss and more. It would be a turn-on to be her first lover for most guys also!


Oh ZeroPoint, I would really love to believe you! Plenty of guys would love it, I'm sure - but only if I looked like Scarlett Johansson!


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## Alone75

TheWelshOne said:


> Oh ZeroPoint, I would really love to believe you! Plenty of guys would love it, I'm sure - but only if I looked like Scarlett Johansson!


Not all guys fancy her. Anyway do you think an inexperienced older man would find someone willing to teach them easier? Especially if he doesn't look like a movie star also.


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## TheWelshOne

ZeroPoint said:


> Not all guys fancy her. Anyway do you think an inexperienced older man would find someone willing to teach them easier? Especially if he doesn't look like a movie star also.


Well I do think it depends on the man, and the woman. My point was just that it always seems like guys would love an inexperienced girl but *only* if she looks like a movie star. I think if I ever had to tell someone in person exactly how inexperienced I am, they'd just laugh and say 'I knew it!'


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## LoungeFly

TheWelshOne said:


> Oh ZeroPoint, I would really love to believe you! Plenty of guys would love it, I'm sure - but only if I looked like Scarlett Johansson!


I'm 34, and I've had a couple of guys that I've confided in tell me it would be kind of a turn on for them to show me/tech me how to do things. Sadly, I'm scared out of my wits of sex and physical aspects that come along with those things.  Even though I do want it, my body in the moment screams RUN! Hate it. Gotta change it, just don't know how


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## scarpia

LoungeFly said:


> I'm 34, and I've had a couple of guys that I've confided in tell me it would be kind of a turn on for them to show me/tech me how to do things. Sadly, I'm scared out of my wits of sex and physical aspects that come along with those things.  Even though I do want it, my body in the moment screams RUN! Hate it. Gotta change it, just don't know how


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## komorikun

Yes, alcohol does wonders for the nerves.


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## TheWelshOne

LoungeFly said:


> I'm 34, and I've had a couple of guys that I've confided in tell me it would be kind of a turn on for them to show me/tech me how to do things. Sadly, I'm scared out of my wits of sex and physical aspects that come along with those things.  Even though I do want it, my body in the moment screams RUN! Hate it. Gotta change it, just don't know how


Having never been in that situation myself, I don't know how I'd react. I'd probably do the same though - which is even worse, now as well as looking for someone who'd date me, I have to pray they're patient too!



komorikun said:


> Yes, alcohol does wonders for the nerves.


Wow, I really wish I was a drinker! Although there's a fine line between drinking for courage and drinking so much that you'll regret what you've done in the morning


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## komorikun

TheWelshOne said:


> Wow, I really wish I was a drinker! Although there's a fine line between drinking for courage and drinking so much that you'll regret what you've done in the morning


Well, if you have already met the guy and like him, what could you regret?

The only times I sort of regretted something is when I kissed an ugly guy. Luckily I didn't remember. And if you don't remember it didn't happen!!


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I'm that ugly guy.

So I probably would have to get a girl drunk to get her to kiss me.


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## LoungeFly

TheWelshOne said:


> Having never been in that situation myself, I don't know how I'd react. I'd probably do the same though - which is even worse, now as well as looking for someone who'd date me, I have to pray they're patient too!
> 
> Wow, I really wish I was a drinker! *Although there's a fine line between drinking for courage and drinking so much that you'll regret what you've done in the morning*


Indeed. A terrible fear would be things going to fast, the guy forgetting or not wearing a condom, and I end up pregnant or worse. ( and I'm not on birth control, never had a reason to )


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## scarpia

LoungeFly said:


> and I'm not on birth control, never had a reason to


?? That doesn't make sense. You said


> I'm 34, and I've had a couple of guys that I've confided in tell me it would be kind of a turn on for them to show me/tech me how to do things.


You DO have a reason to be on birth control.


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## komorikun

It's pretty easy to check if a condom is on the guy's dick.


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## LoungeFly

scarpia said:


> ?? That doesn't make sense. You said You DO have a reason to be on birth control.


Eh, I guess I should mention that these were online friends who do not live near me, and once the subject was broached about meeting, that is when I'd revert to running and say I just can't cause I"m not comfortable with sex and the other physical aspects. Even though I want it, the idea makes my stomach turn. Part of me wants to just do it, and maybe then I'd be able to let go of some of this fear, but at this point, I simply can't. I want it to be with someone I like, that I have feelings for, and will not just disappear once it's done.


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## scarpia

LoungeFly said:


> Eh, I guess I should mention that these were online friends who do not live near me, and once the subject was broached about meeting, that is when I'd revert to running and say I just can't cause I"m not comfortable with sex and the other physical aspects. Even though I want it, the idea makes my stomach turn. Part of me wants to just do it, and maybe then I'd be able to let go of some of this fear, but at this point, I simply can't. I want it to be with someone I like, that I have feelings for, and will not just disappear once it's done.


Oh, OK. You have to be wary about people you meet online too.

I was like you- actually still am. I only have sex with hookers because it's less intimidating - no possibility of a relationship, arguments, worrying about performance etc. Even then I was a virgin for a long time. Hookers don't seem to work for women though.

Desensitization is the way to go. Get a massage to make yourself more comfortable with being touched. Keep getting them until that part doesn;t make you uncomfortable anymore.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

Dimples!


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## h00dz

Hush7 said:


> Omg, Cavey! The things I find out while lurking! I'm going to have to start sifting through more old posts. When do we get to see your dimples?


Dont mind me just..... :lurk

OP I feel you, ive only had 2 gf's and they were not long term.. So I might as well be in this boat. Feelsbadman.jpg


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## innanna

Velvet Neptune said:


> I am 38 year old male and a virgin. But it's more than that. I'm a Super Virgin. I have a big V on my chest and a rubber cape. The cape is rubber because all of the condoms have expired so I had to use if for something worthwhile.


Thanks, I just laughed so hard I choked on my coffee :b

Does your anxiety extend to female friends, or is it only with women you're interested in?


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## RyanAdams

I'm _very_ love-shy. I made a lot of bad choices in life to where I'm not what women are looking for. At least I have my daydreams.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

My social anxiety seems to be the worst when I try to ask a girl out. So I've only like tried twice, this year actually. So I guess I am taking baby steps at least.

I can't be that ugly as I always think I was. I know some girls like me. My self esteem has been worse otherwise I wouldn't have said what I just typed out. Still it's not high. 

There is this girl at work who I like. Our eyes meet sometimes. I say hi. We smile. I do nothing. I'm pretty sure it's off-putting that I never act. She might think I'm a loser now. But than again these thoughts are probebly what is holding me back. Maybe she is hoping I talk to her one of these days, and ask her out too. 

I feel like a fool for even sugesting somebody like her (she's really pretty) could like somebody like _me_


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## conqueror

guys guys guys.

there is no big deal...I had sex for the first time.
I must tell you that I miss the feelings I had before.
and also kissing...I must say I dont like it although she said I am a good kisser )

so live your experiences to the full. even some are shameful, afterwards you ll feel way better.


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