# how do i stay positive with so many negatives around me



## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

I try to stay positive but I cant help but read other peoples posts and a lot of times they are FAR from positive. Any suggestions to how I can block out the negatives and focus only on the positives? it seems like if anything interupts my positive streak i fall right back into a rut again.


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## elph (Jun 4, 2007)

I've been trying to do that too and getting frustrated when I couldn't. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't necessarily try to completely suppress the negative (it just becomes something else to feel bad about when I fail). So now when I have a negative thought I try to acknowledge it, ask if it is reasonable, if I have to and then try to think of something positive in response. 

If I read a negative post, I try to think, how could I try to make this person feel better? That usually helps because my mind focuses on them and not on me. 

I guess what I'm saying is that its OK to have a negative thought once in a while as long as you can recognize it and try to get back to the positive. Trying to be positive all the time is maybe a bit unrealistic and more of the black and white thinking (everything is either all good or all bad) that gets us into trouble?

I apologize if this doesn't help.


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## Retreat (Jun 20, 2007)

Hello!

I think a person can expend too much emotionally trying to stay positive after reading or hearing negative comments. It is way too much of a burden we place in our hands if we expect ourselves to do that. It's a terrible mental battleground to be in.

How can we stay positive with so many negatives around us? Well, that can be difficult because it's not so black and white. For example, a negative comment is probably not entirely negative. Maybe there are shades of grey somewhere. Like when I read posts about people who have had a terrible day at work or school or home, it's easy to label it as negative. But, in truth, those experiences according to that person were probably not intended to be negative, but were a REALISTIC portrayal of what that person was going through. In other words, it was a POSITIVE thing for that person to vent about their negative experience because it does help to vent and share our feelings.

Also, I expect people with SA to have more of these experiences than people who don't have SA. Especially sites like these which are a moshpit for less-than-ideal ways of coping with SA. Just remember that the process of sharing a negative experience can be a positive thing for the poster who wrote about their situation. If it is disturbing you, it is ok to ignore the posts and find posts that are more encouraging. Inevitably, all of us will have a 'negative' experience which we'd like to write about, and that's ok too. I guess you have to do your own post screening. 

:yes


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I think it's important to stay positive, or at least not jump in the hole others are trying to dig out of. It helps me to remember that I'm not responsible for others feeling good, nor am I obligated to respond to negativity. I can most of the time write a short note of support. There's no guilt in feeling good.


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

I know what you mean. This board is WAY more emo then i thought it would be! Wish it had a depression sub forum or something! Not that i care but reading some things even makes me feel down and feel really bad


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

It probably comes with the territory of SA that some people will express frustration and/or depressed thoughts regarding their troubles. I personally don't face depression symptoms, and I know what you mean about striving for a positive outlook.

On the other hand, there have been some great responses here about the shades of grey between positive and negative. I think the suggestion about thinking about how to help someone who is in the dumps can help as well. I can read really sad, negative posts and not get down myself because I recognize that they are probabily just expressing emotional feelings/thoughts that are not entirely accurate (biased negative, or all-negative). 

Just remembering that there is a continuum between positive and negative (it's not a dichotomy) can help, I think.


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

you cant have the good without the bad.. i know what you mean because a lot of the posts are pretty negative but there are alot of positive ones too. and i dont think that you should really just block out the negative ones. just because they are negative doesnt mean you have to burden yourself with their negativity. we are surrounded by negativity in our daily lives but that doesnt stop people from staying positive. i think the best thing to do is to try and accept both sides while maintaining a positive outlook.


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## trixtium (Jul 5, 2007)

*Re: re: how do i stay positive with so many negatives around*



Retreat said:


> Hello!
> 
> I think a person can expend too much emotionally trying to stay positive after reading or hearing negative comments. It is way too much of a burden we place in our hands if we expect ourselves to do that. It's a terrible mental battleground to be in.
> 
> ...


I concur... I recently joined this forum precisely b/c I needed a place to vent my frustrations. I don't think you have to completely shut out occasional negativity in order to have self-confidence and a positive outlook on life, so long as you never lose faith in yourself or your power to change.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

MNGirl,

I would focus on the issue behind a particular post and kind of gauge yourself on how you are doing against it. If there is something wrong, make a goal to improve on it. If what you see is something you have overcome, then pat yourself on the back for having succeeded. Remember, helping others also helps you in return!


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## korendir (Jul 6, 2007)

I think the question you need to ask yourself is :

"how do you stay negative, with so many positives around you?"

You can see the wind as bad weather or something that feels cool on your face, the sun as something that makes you sweat or something that heals the hurt a little. Theres a confusion and chaos that reigns between the old you and the new you, it can seem like your falling into a bottomless cavern, but taking time out isn't a crime, falling down isn't your fault - letting that chance to take a risk and feel the exhileration of success is the only crime.

I've also noticed that a lot of people on these forums obsess over medication and get stuck in their negative thoughts, IMO we're here to support each other not to commiserate together. Misery may love company but no one wants a miserable friend.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Nice way to turn the question around, korendir!


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## social_awkward_butterfly (Feb 17, 2007)

* Know why
Rather than thinking of reasons why you can't, think of the reasons why you must. Instead of focusing on your problems, focus on your purpose.

There will always be challenges in any endeavor. Yet for every challenge, there is a way to get through it.

The secret comes in knowing why. With a strong enough sense of why, anything can be done.

What specifically do you wish to do, and why do you wish to do it? Dig down deeply into the reasons why, for that is where you'll find the energy, the persistence, and the commitment to carry you forward.

Don't be afraid to desire it, and to explore your own personal, meaningful reasons. By understanding why, you'll have what you need to figure out how, and to make it happen.

Know why, and watch the challenges melt away. Know why, and it will be.

-- Ralph Marston ------ the daily motivator. find it at http://www.greatday.com *


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I bet most of you are talking about my posts. :lol 
Which is why I never come to this forum...until today. I don't have much positive to say.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I use humor and have these weird little thoughts in my head that I don't express to anybody when reading some posts that helps brighten up my mood. 

It is kind of liberating realizing that you just might be insane. :lol

I actually find when people are venting to be kind of therapeutic in a way, if it is a fun good natured rant. If it is something really dark and depressing the whole 'I have no hope' or anything suicidal I gotta leave that topic ASAP!


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

I mostly just read posts that are about getting over SA


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## social_awkward_butterfly (Feb 17, 2007)

* Always Find The Positive Aspect In Others !

When someone relates something to me about another person's negativity, I tend to listen to it with great interest. I then find that the other person is greatly encouraged to speak about it. But such waste talk is not really useful for anyone and I find that there is no solution for the problem at hand. When someone is talking about the negativity in another person I need to question myself if listening to this is of any use to me, or if I can do anything about the situation. If I cannot do anything I need to remind myself that there is no use listening to such waste talk. Instead I need to make an attempt to look at the positive aspect in the other person so that the other person can see that too.

~ Brahma Kumaris, Mt Abu...........................(read more positive posts like this) :wel *


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