# Good looking but a mute???



## Josh Rhode (Feb 16, 2017)

Title literally says it all. Any of y'all out there confident in your looks but have horrible social anxiety? I'm not gonna lie, I can look in the mirror and tell that I'm a good looking guy that could and use to get many girls but my brain reworked itself or something and it's all out of wack and horrible social anxiety to the point where I make everyone in the room uncomfortable. It sucks.. I know a lot peoples social anxiety stems from insecurities, but see, that's where I'm different. I literally am not insecure at all. Just go into horrible panic attacks when out.. any of y'all?


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

Somewhat. I've never been diagnosed with SAD, but I am diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobia and GAD. I can talk to people just fine, it's just in certain social situations I tend to freeze and stumble over words. I'm actually doing a lot better with it these days though. I'm confident with my looks and body, I think my insecurity comes from sucking at life. I'm in my 30's with very little to show for it.

Maybe you have agoraphobia. Can you talk to people one-on-one or in small groups and you just get anxious when you're out in public?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Yeh, now I am decent enough looking, all things considered. SA isn't necessarily correlated to what you look like though.

@JH1983 I feel ya man, re the sucking at life stuff (I feel the same). It seems to add a whole bunch of extra difficulties interacting socially, because you feel you are always one step away from being judged harshly about that too .


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## Psychedilio (Feb 12, 2013)

Yeah, I've been complimented on my looks and have been shown interest by some decently attractive people as well, but it doesn't get any farther than some brief flirting. My dating life is terrible because of SA.


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

Yeah I'm secure with how I look for the most part. However, I've overcome a lot of anxiety and depression. I'm now a "normal" person who still sometimes manages to function like a social idiot. I don't necessarily feel anxiety anymore in social situations but I get "tense", I get a really unnatural feeling sometimes. I used to be severely anxious, physical symptoms of anxiety like crazy. I've overcome a lot of that but I can resonate. Anxiety is uncontrollable, it could happen to anyone.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

There's more to insecurity than just looks, these things aren't always rational.

Personally, I look just fine, I've even got pretty good social skills too and this is reflected in how I'm generally treated by others (at least in real life). My anxiety used to be the run of the mill lack of social skills/low self esteem variety but now it's because I dislike small talk and start to anticipate the feeling of prolonged small talk which is mental exhaustion. That combined with the feeling of being incompatible with the world I live in (rightly or wrongly) which is extremely depressing and "oh, hello anxiety, I was wondering where you were".

I suck at life too guys, hi five :high5 :laugh: (will they leave me hanging? I guess we'll have to wait and see won't we).

Maybe you're not as confident in your personality as you are in your appearance, maybe it's something else entirely. If you're interested in trying to figure it out we might be able to help you, but we'll need more information.

I often wonder what feels worse, not taking advantage of the obvious opportunities that are available to you or feeling that you are denied opportunities that are available to others. I think it might be the former as you are acutely aware that you are the problem, that it's your fault.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm an average looking mute. If I had better hair and lost 25 pounds, I'd be an above average mute.

I need to learn sign language, move to a new city, and fake being deaf. People understand that far more than an anxiety disorder.


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## Aly (Nov 30, 2010)

I'm not insecure either anymore, really. I've learned to love myself, yet I still deal with severe nervousness whenever I leave the house. My house is safe. Whenever I'm out, terrible things can happen to me, so I guess that's why I get anxious.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

LonelyLurker said:


> I suck at life too guys, hi five :high5 :laugh: (will they leave me hanging? I guess we'll have to wait and see won't we).


:high5

Of course not 



LonelyLurker said:


> I often wonder what feels worse, not taking advantage of the obvious opportunities that are available to you or feeling that you are denied opportunities that are available to others. I think it might be the former as you acutely aware that you are the problem, that it's your fault.


I tend to agree.


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## teacups (Feb 20, 2017)

Yeah, it can be confusing for other people when you're viewed as "attractive" but act like a total odd ball. People either think you're just plain weird or stuck up for not speaking with anyone. My social anxiety makes conversations with me somewhat awkward, but they're not always bad. It's more about what's going on internally that makes it difficult, even if you appear fine on the outside.

I think it's a common misconception that people who look attractive or "normal" don't have problems like panic attacks or social anxiety, but that's obviously not the case :/


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

splendidbob said:


> @JH1983 I feel ya man, re the sucking at life stuff (I feel the same). It seems to add a whole bunch of extra difficulties interacting socially, because you feel you are always one step away from being judged harshly about that too .


Just now realized you'd tagged me. Sorry, mobile version is a little screwy. But yeah, it adds an unpleasant element to interactions. Especially around seemingly successful people. You just hate for the inevitable "what are you doing with your life" parts of the conversation.

Socially it doesn't bother me as much anymore. It is what it is. For dating though it's rough. A big part of my last two breakups (besides them cheating, lol) was that I didn't make enough money, didn't have enough life experience and "missed steps in becoming a human." Those things have bored their way into my head a little.



LonelyLurker said:


> I suck at life too guys, hi five :high5 :laugh: (will they leave me hanging? I guess we'll have to wait and see won't we)


Late, but high five from me, too, haha.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

JH1983 said:


> Late, but high five from me, too, haha.


Better late than never:smile2:.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Lol no way, but I've lived almost all my life with no eyebrows, eyelashes, and balding patches hair = trichotillomania, and also skin picking, and also nail biting that I just don't think about it anymore/self conscious. It used to be really bad before prozac tho, I would be so sensitive and self conscious at school because I had no eyelashes and my hair was bad and my nails were ouchy looking. On prozac I felt okay with my lack of lashes, brows, hair, and nails, I didn't think twice about anyone noticing and didn't stress myself over what anyone thought about me. It's alot more stress added to have something like this l social anxiety, imo. 

But, meh, I keep telling myself that everyone in the world is different and there's no such thing as normal, we are here and we are supposed to be free to be whoever we want to be and be able to live our lives just like anyone else. We don't need to have a normal label stamped on our foreheads to be able to get a job or go to college, we just brush off what anyone thinks of us and just live our lives. I keep myself strong this way, and if they ask me about my lack of hair why do I even have to give them an answer? I don't. I can laugh in their face, I don't have to tell them my disorders or diseases, they don't ask anyway, they know if they do that I would tell them to grow up, psh they don't want to hear that.

Yeah, so I look in the mirror these days and I think I am sexy, I've kept telling myself that way too much, it's true now. Meh, horrible social anxiety? No, not me, not so much, nope. You have to build up yourself strong man, like I said above, live your life for yourself, not to please others, who cares what they think, I'm ****ing sexy. I am me, no one like you in the universe baby :love But yeah, accept yourself for who you are and realize that you have no reason to beat yourself up if you have some other disorders along with social anxiety or if you think you're ugly. You're not, you're you, be proud to be you and express yourself, be bold and reach out to others at school or your job. Yeah, I guess I just accepted myself disorders and all, fighting against the world, to live my life. Life is cool man, you just pass through and there will be some people who like you and others who don't, whatev. Focus on your goal and don't put too much importance on bullies or your negative thoughts, just keep swimming!


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## CaptainMarvel (Dec 5, 2016)

Josh Rhode said:


> I'm not gonna lie, I can look in the mirror and tell that I'm a good looking guy


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

I used to have selective mutism too, even with all my body-focused repetitive behaviors - I was/still am ****ing good-looking. But I started having positive outcomes and experiences while seeing a psychologist and taking prozac. I remember all the good stuff that has happened to me so now I choose not to be mute. If I never had any intervention in my thoughts - I would probably continue being a mute and seeing the world the same way, probably continue experiencing negative outcomes too, but why??? I am ****ing good-looking - I don't deserve this sh!t. We have to change our thinking, social anxiety has it all messed up, reading a CBT book helps too. :wink


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## I Beethoven (Mar 11, 2017)

I can relate to this my anxiety is "oh he looks nervous" its like anxiety about having anxiety also I think I walk weird


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Yeah I'm pretty much happy with the way I look. I'm only insecure when it comes to communicating. I feel like I act neurotic and people can sense it, increasing my anxiety even more. It's a vicious cycle.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

I think a lot of us grew up with an "awkward stage" physically in which we spent our adolescent years feeling pretty meh about our looks. I didn't think I was ugly back then, but some people would have. At most, I was just content about my looks. I knew I had potential to be considered a "pretty girl" if I had put a little more effort into it, but it was the lowest on my list of priorities. 

I honestly don't think there are many "ugly" people on this forum judging off of the selfies members have posted. Rather, I think most of them have been ugly ducklings as kids but blossomed later on. It isn't uncommon for people like that to still feel ugly even though they're fully aware that they've gotten significantly more attractive as they aged. They've been conditioned for so many years to believe that they were ugly, and it takes many more years to escape that mindset.


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