# Being scared that someone will actually like me



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I'm 27 and on a couple of dating sites. I'm looking for a relationship, but I'm unsure if I am at a place where I am ready for one. I'm terrified to share things with people. I used to want to, but now don't want to at all. If someone clicks on my profile it makes me feel quite uncomfortable. It's going to take me awhile to open up to anyone at this point. I think I have trust issues from my last relationship. I don't feel comfy with people knowing everything about me and then the relationship being eventually over and then them telling others about me. I realized that I really am a private person. More than I thought so before. 

I just noticed that I haven't been sharing as much with this person as I usually do. They seem to be sharing more than me which probably makes them think that I am just not interested. I'm not sure if I will be interested until I meet them in person so I'm just not sharing. 

What if I'm attracted to this person and what if they are attracted to me, then what? :hide


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## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

thats the problem isn't it? a relationship or making friends is about people sharing about themselves with others. When we have this disorder we don't want to share with people. Iam 27 as well, and I have like an invisible wall around me that pushes people away if they try to get to know me on a more personal level. Iam afraid of letting people in. I am afraid of the possible rejection.


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## ExtremeE (Dec 11, 2005)

I can relate, actually. I'm scared that if I get into a relationship, that other person will get to know the real me.
No one knows the real me besides me. Not even my parents.
I'm also scared because I consider myself unstable..
I definitely know what you're talking about however I've never been in a real relationship.


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## Christian (Oct 5, 2006)

A lot of us have self-esteem issues, trust issues, etc. Sub-consciously we blame ourselves, criticize ourselves, nag and ridicule and taunt oursleves. Sometimes it's so far along that all it takes is being in the presense of another and we feel anxious and then sad.

If SA is at the point where you feel unstable or irrational, depressed, etc, you should definately try to get into therapy for that. I think we know what it can lead to, and it's not pretty.



SAgirl said:


> I'm terrified to share things with people. I used to want to, but now don't want to at all. If someone clicks on my profile it makes me feel quite uncomfortable. It's going to take me awhile to open up to anyone at this point. I think I have trust issues from my last relationship. I don't feel comfy with people knowing everything about me and then the relationship being eventually over and then them telling others about me. I realized that I really am a private person. More than I thought so before.


I know I can relate to that. My mom is the same way. We don't really think of ourselves as private until we take a step back and look at what kind of life we've been living because of this.

And it takes time and effort to change. 
See this and explore:
http://www.shyandfree.com/html/principl ... ongWithYou


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## ladybugs (Jun 14, 2006)

A few years ago I was certain that I wanted to be in a relationship and even joined some dating sites. I met two people online that I was really interested in, but when it came time to meet in person, I of course was too anxiety-ridden and terrified to go through with it. 

At this point in my life, I think my poor self-image, anxiety, and depression would make a relationship impossible. Add my fear of emotional intimacy to the mix and it becomes clear that I'll end up a spinster...

Who knows, maybe if I found the right kind of supportive guy, I would find a way out of the darkness. But knowing how I am, if I did find that guy I would feel unworthy and so would probably do something to sabotage the relationship. :stu


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## conscious (Oct 14, 2004)

u could probably get away from telling a lot about yourself in the beginning. just go with the regular stuff nothing too deep. you could speak on current events and celebrity gossip while you depend a bigger comfort zone with that person


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## deist78 (Nov 12, 2003)

i am 28 and i have the same problem. there's a lot of things i want to hide(like being a virgin) for example which i was i try to avoid relationships. but you've got a force yourself to do it or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

ladybugs said:


> A few years ago I was certain that I wanted to be in a relationship and even joined some dating sites. I met two people online that I was really interested in, but when it came time to meet in person, I of course was too anxiety-ridden and terrified to go through with it.
> 
> At this point in my life, I think my poor self-image, anxiety, and depression would make a relationship impossible. Add my fear of emotional intimacy to the mix and it becomes clear that I'll end up a spinster...
> 
> Who knows, maybe if I found the right kind of supportive guy, I would find a way out of the darkness. But knowing how I am, if I did find that guy I would feel unworthy and so would probably do something to sabotage the relationship. :stu


 :agree

I belong to about 2 dating sites(names need not be mentioned :lol ) and the other day a guy(cute white guy around my age) sent me a message and i almost had a panic attack. I read his message and then deleted it. He was trying to get a coversation going but i just blew him off. I've also been talking to this other guy thru IM almost everyday. This guy bugs the hell outta me, because he seems really interested and want give up on me. I will ignore him for a couple of days and he want even care. That scares me. I'm scared of attention like that. Its my terrible self-esteem that keeps me from trying to date. I'm not even capable of friendships. Lord help me.

I'm a stupid b*tch for even creating profiles on dating sites but never have the guts to talk to the guys that show interest in me :mum


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I know exactly what you mean. I like this one girl, and I think she might actually like me back. But I'm scared to talk to her. We both like each other, then what? Where do we go from there? What if I open up to her, but as she gets to know me more, she becomes bored or uninterested. Ughhh... Why do us SAers have to think so much?


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

I feel the same way, I don't have the experience to know how to approach a relationship, I can never trust anyone.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

conscious said:


> u could probably get away from telling a lot about yourself in the beginning. just go with the regular stuff nothing too deep. you could speak on current events and celebrity gossip while you depend a bigger comfort zone with that person


I'm semi-comfortable with this type of small talk. In real life, I'm sort of okay at talking about music, tv, movies, and current events and such with guys. But when I'm asked about what I like to do on my free time, where I hang out with friends (haha), etc. and I feel pressured to share things about my life, that's when I get really anxious, quiet, and avoidant. I'm afraid of sharing things about myself. There's so much I feel I have to hide.... I'm incapable of being in a relationship.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm deathly afraid of dealing with someone "liking" me. The whole situation is awkward and uncomfortable. I don't want to share anything about myself, I don't want to deal with rejection, and I know that there will be a moment when the other person realizes how uninteresting and undesirable I am. Normal people simply accept that these things will happen and handle them, but I'm not normal.

In 20 years, I will be hoarding mannequins and living in the basement of a J.C. Penny's. It's inevitable.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

Having somebody actually take interest me is very scary and i just can't see WHY anybody would like me. I'm not attractive,dumb as a rock,etc.

I just got an email from this guy i've been ignoring for a while. We started off communicating pretty good for like 7 months, but when things started geting deeper..i got scared and started ignoring him.

Here is the email he sent me about 30 mins ago



> Yeah you ignoring me you a trip shawty... You gotta calm them mood swings down... I can't even talk to you on "aye what up" level. So i could see even if we was friends that be a problem. Romantically linked with you wow it'd REALLY be a problem. So all that paranoia or whatever about me coming down there...
> I just don't get it I've been behind the gun and people have been behind the gun getting at me. Things like that are reason for paranoia. All crazy type of street **** but i'm sane and very well aware of what could happen or not in these streets. That's what kept me alive. I remember writing you mad long letters telling you basically be okay and whatnot. Sent u pics, confided with you everything and I was ignored.
> You got a problem that needs counseling...
> So i'ma just give you your space and whatnot cuz I see whatever issues you might have personally got nothing to do with me. And end up getting taken out on the next dude that dude being me. Even if they at the smallest level it's a turnoff cuz i'm a good dude... No disrespect...


He's basically saying that i'm very strewed up and need help. Really hurt my feelings because i know i have soo many issues with myself that i just can't seem to get rid of. I know i will be alone for the rest of my life because i have no ability to socialize with anyone and i have 0 confidence. I mit as well start planning my death again. I just can't cope with this life. I'm not normal.

I told him how i felt about what he said...and i just told him to leave me alone and go find some other chick who can actually function in society. I'm a loser :sigh


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

*Re: re: Being scared that someone will actually like me*



Shauna said:


> Yeah you ignoring me you a trip shawty... You gotta calm them mood swings down... I can't even talk to you on "aye what up" level.


Nor an "English" level, apparently...

[/snark]

Guy seems quite nice, but jeez.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

*Re: re: Being scared that someone will actually like me*



Shauna said:


> I'm a loser :sigh


Not at all, from the things I've read you're a _very _strong woman! 
The way you dealt with the man who gave you a ride, the way you take care of your family, the way you actively searched for a job despite your SA, ... Not everyone could or would have done what you did in these situations!


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