# I've made it. I have arrived at the mountain top



## AntiAnxiety

I've come such long way. 5 years ago, I was afraid to walk out of my house if people were on the street. I had martial arts experience, but I was still wimpy. Out of shape as well. I was always tense. People always said I looked sad or worried. I've seen old pictures of myself, and I know that to be true. I had quite the noticeable speech impediment, and I was petrified of speaking. I was often thinking that I wasn't going to make it.

I am now proud to say that I will be graduating from a top 30 university this summer. All I have left is one class with some homework and 2 exams, and two gym classes. I remember how much I hated presentations. Being that my major is a communications-related major, I had to do more of those than others had to. I was scared as hell. You all know the feeling. I felt like I was about to die, but I knew I wasn't going to. It could be 6 months in the future; if I knew I was going to have to do it, I'd start feeling the anxiety immediately. I refused to give up. I refused to live like that. I threw myself through wall after wall. I stepped under the spotlight again and again, because I had to do what I had to do. 

Then there came a point where I was sick of just taking it. I started trying to fight this. I started exercising and meditating. I finally had the option to take either a writing course or a public speaking course. I took the public speaking class. I got sick to my stomach several times a week, but I did it. There was one 8 minute speech I had to do, and I still don't know how I did it, but something in me clicked, and I managed to stand there completely still and talk. I actually went over 8 minutes. I hadn't been able to do that in about 7 years. My first big victory. The professor said he didn't give A's, but I got one for that class. He told me that, if I could get rid of my nerves and correct my speech, I could be a leader in my industry. 

I still had lots more talking in front of people to do. Seeing people trapped in the minimum wage jobs that I worked up through this point really helped motivate me. I threw myself through some more walls. Finally, I'm here. I'm finally going to be a professional in a field where there's money. I remember how envious I was when I was on my way in and I saw seniors, who I knew, graduating and starting great jobs. Wearing suits and ties, being independent and establishing themselves. I wanted that badly, but I didn't know if I could make it. I fought and fought, and I'm here now. People who knew me back then say I have become a completely different person; in looks and personality. My speech is a lot clearer. They call me confident now. They say I carry myself differently. I see it a little, but it's all so amazing to me. The best way I can describe the feeling is being the underdog in a movie, completely doing a u-turn into triumph, then getting to see what happens after the happy ending. 

I stopped coming on here, because I was tired of the negativity. People were acting like they were terminal when they were alive and fine. People refused to even try to change. I still don't understand that. Life is what you make it. I refused to lay down and take it, and I fought and fought until I got here. I had several people who were trying their best to stop me, but it didn't work. If I can go from being diagnosed with SA, and being afraid to leave my own home, to making something out of myself, despite those who wanted nothing less than to see me fail, then all of you who are suffering can do it too. 

Life is what you make it. You can choose to lie down and suffer or you can fight to make it enjoyable. No matter how convinced you are that you can't, you can. It's what you make it. The choice is yours. I've made mine. When will it be your turn?


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## minimized

Good job.

Some people can't fight back though. No matter the positive words, sometimes you're in for a fight you can't win.


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## AntiAnxiety

minimized said:


> Good job.
> 
> Some people can't fight back though. No matter the positive words, sometimes you're in for a fight you can't win.


This is exactly what I'm talking about. You won't win if you don't want it like that. Nothing comes easy.


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## minimized

AntiAnxiety said:


> This is exactly what I'm talking about. You won't win if you don't want it like that. Nothing comes easy.


It's easy to say those things... it's harder to prove it possible.


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## AntiAnxiety

minimized said:


> It's easy to say those things... it's harder to prove it possible.


It's easy for you to say that it's not possible, so that you don't have to try. I just got done explaining how I proved it possible. And that's with people trying to stop me as well. I knowingly forced myself into situations where I felt I was going to die. It took me emptying the contents of my stomach several times, but it was well worth it. Like I said, you have to want something different. Once you do, nothing will stop you.


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## minimized

AntiAnxiety said:


> It's easy for you to say that it's not possible, so that you don't have to try. I just got done explaining how I proved it possible. And that's with people trying to stop me as well. I knowingly forced myself into situations where I felt I was going to die. Like I said, you have to want something different. Once you do, nothing will stop you.


Oh I've tried... of course I want something different. There have been plenty of things I wanted. I'm ready to die for something different.

Not to shift the focus, of course.


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## AntiAnxiety

minimized said:


> Oh I've tried... of course I want something different. There have been plenty of things I wanted. I'm ready to die for something different.
> 
> Not to shift the focus, of course.


I don't even come on this forum. I haven't been on in about two years. I didn't come here for attention. I came here to write that story for people like you. Where there's a will, there's a way.

We can talk about it here if you want to get more specific, or you can PM me. You have to keep looking for ways to change. Often, I've found myself trying multiple approaches at once. It's been effective.


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## SPC

minimized said:


> Some people can't fight back though. No matter the positive words, sometimes you're in for a fight you can't win.





AntiAnxiety said:


> You won't win if you don't want it like that. Nothing comes easy.


first off, congrats OP~ the kind of life you want for yourself is one step closer, and soon youll probably be finding new exciting mountains to climb and conquer. i remember too, just a few years ago i was hiding in an office bathroom having an anxiety attack because i was supposed to cold-call a stranger and i just couldnt do it. fighting through those events with the help of therapy and meds eventually worked for me though, and now i have all these things in my life (friends, relationship, etc) that 4-5 years ago would be impossible for me to have or maintain.

secondly, the sad thing about about the two points ive quoted above is that theyre both true, neither of you are wrong. inevitably like everything else in life, some people will make it through the storm while others will fall short. i think its important to try and emphasize the need to fight it instead of emphasizing the fact that some people will not make it. its important for younger people who may be on the proverbial fence and reading forum posts here to get nudged to the side of hope and being proactive in problem solving instead of despair and giving up prematurely. yes its easier said than done, yes it wont work for everyone, and yes sometimes it will feel like one person admonishing another. but thats basically how therapy works as well, and people do it because it can work. the hope isn't fake, its real, and its worth talking about especially in the Triumphs section.


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## minimized

AntiAnxiety said:


> I don't even come on this forum. I haven't been on in about two years. I didn't come here for attention. I came here to write that story for people like you. Where there's a will, there's a way.
> 
> We can talk about it here if you want to get more specific, or you can PM me. You have to keep looking for ways to change. Often, I've found myself trying multiple approaches at once. It's been effective.


It's kind of hard to explain :/ At the end of the day, I still feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I wander away from here but I end up back here months later with nowhere else to go. It's so hard to do everything alone when your brain refuses to cooperate with the most basic human tasks.


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## AntiAnxiety

Let's keep in mind that this is 5-6 years of my life here. I could have easily written 10 times as much as I wrote already and still have plenty left to say, but I wanted to keep it at a length that people were going to read. I've had plenty of failures, but this is the main point. My "triumph" over it all. 

Whether someone makes it or not is completely up to them.


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## AntiAnxiety

minimized said:


> It's kind of hard to explain :/ At the end of the day, I still feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I wander away from here but I end up back here months later with nowhere else to go. It's so hard to do everything alone when your brain refuses to cooperate with the most basic human tasks.


Feel free to pm me an explanation. I wouldn't mind hearing more.


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## CEB32

AntiAnxiety said:


> Whether someone makes it or not is completely up to them.


True for the most part 

Good luck in your rediscovery of life, I plan on joining you


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## mike91

congratulations all the best with your new life and job


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## CowGoMoo

What job?? I'm going into college this summer and I'm so terrified. I don't want to be stuck with loans and not have a job afterwards. My teacher's say I'd be crazy to skip college but the anxiety from thinking about being poor AND in debt kills me. I'm not a genius but I'd do okay in any major, and I'm sure of it. I don't care what I study I just want a job to maintain my family. Any advice? I could just be a Carpenter and make an average income. Or I could spend the next 4 years hoping I land a good gig afterward


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## zookeeper

Good on you. Enjoy it!


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## LifesAClimb

Wow your story is inspiring  so glad I read it .. Big congrats


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## AntiAnxiety

CowGoMoo said:


> What job?? I'm going into college this summer and I'm so terrified. I don't want to be stuck with loans and not have a job afterwards. My teacher's say I'd be crazy to skip college but the anxiety from thinking about being poor AND in debt kills me. I'm not a genius but I'd do okay in any major, and I'm sure of it. I don't care what I study I just want a job to maintain my family. Any advice? I could just be a Carpenter and make an average income. Or I could spend the next 4 years hoping I land a good gig afterward


I'm going to be a network engineer, so I majored in IT. If you go into IT, CS, or some type of engineering (biomedical, computer, chemical, etc.) you'll be doing good. Of course, it helps to be into what you're doing, but you can always learn to love something. Just make sure you won't be miserable.

I've got it all planned out. I'll be clearing 100 k before 30.


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## angelique

That's awesome! Just reading about how much you've changed and the fact that people are now saying you're confident gives me hope. 

I completely agree with you about how everyone on here is so negative. It brings me down. I know SA sucks, trust me, but actively complaining about it isn't going to help at all. People don't understand the power of their own minds. 

Anyway, congratulations on everything! You clearly have an exciting future ahead of you


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## prettyful

Congratulations and I agree with you that a lot of people are very negative on here! They say they can't change and don't make an effort. Nobody's going to change sitting behind a computer screen for the rest of their lives. I love your positivity OP.


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## AntiAnxiety

Thank you to everyone else who replied.


angelique said:


> That's awesome! Just reading about how much you've changed and the fact that people are now saying you're confident gives me hope.
> 
> I completely agree with you about how everyone on here is so negative. It brings me down. I know SA sucks, trust me, but actively complaining about it isn't going to help at all. People don't understand the power of their own minds.
> 
> Anyway, congratulations on everything! You clearly have an exciting future ahead of you


Complaining gets you absolutely nothing. Your life still sucks. Do something about it, lol. There are people dying who don't even get a chance. Yeah, that didn't make me feel any different about it when I was feeling really bad about this, but when I think about it now, it's crazy.

I think we're pretty lucky when you think about it. A lot of people never reach their full potential. Many people never face their fears. Do you know how confident doing that alone and beating them can make you? Like I've said, it's hard for me to see exactly what they see. Besides having a beard, more muscle and a lot more hair, I think I look the same, lol. There's a profound difference in how you feel though. I get people saying all kinds of things to me now. One recurring thing is that I've got this laid back vibe about me. Like I'm not from around here. I think it's because now I know nothing will stop me from getting what I want, and I won't let anybody tell me that I can't do something.



prettyful said:


> Congratulations and I agree with you that a lot of people are very negative on here! They say they can't change and don't make an effort. Nobody's going to change sitting behind a computer screen for the rest of their lives. I love your positivity OP.


It really disgusted me at first. Still does. Got into a few arguments. Came here for help with this, but I wasn't getting it, so I felt it was best to leave and get it done on my own. Whether you do have a social life or not, at the end of the day, it's just you. On one hand, they say life is short. In that case, is this really how some people here want it to end? On the other hand, life can be pretty long. Do you want to suffer for decades and decades? That's not me. I won't settle for anything less than happiness.


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## Primitive Fish

What a great post! I'm very happy for you. And you are right...it's your life and you have the power to change it. I met my BF on here and he's helping me relax and not take life so seriously. I'm enjoying the little things in life. I've always been a "go getter" career wise...but my social life suffered. Now I'm learning about balance and I'm making the choice to enjoy life and not let anxiety stop me when it comes to having fun. 

It's refreshing to see such a positive post in a sea of negativity. I try to be positive and help people...and I get ignored. I think that your post will at least inspire a few people.


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## AntiAnxiety

Primitive Fish said:


> What a great post! I'm very happy for you. And you are right...it's your life and you have the power to change it. I met my BF on here and he's helping me relax and not take life so seriously. I'm enjoying the little things in life. I've always been a "go getter" career wise...but my social life suffered. Now I'm learning about balance and I'm making the choice to enjoy life and not let anxiety stop me when it comes to having fun.
> 
> It's refreshing to see such a positive post in a sea of negativity. I try to be positive and help people...and I get ignored. I think that your post will at least inspire a few people.


I learned some time ago that you can only help people who are willing to help themselves. You can't beat anxiety for them. Everyone has to do that on their own. You can give them the tools, but it's up to them.

You've got the spirit though. My next goal is actually the whole social life thing. I've got the communication side under control. I just need to make some more connections now, and that isn't that challenging.

Hopefully those that scoff at a post like this today will be using it as energy to fuel themselves tomorrow.


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## MylesB93

Really inspiring stuff! Congrats  Hopefully I'll reach that mountain top soon


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## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> Really inspiring stuff! Congrats  Hopefully I'll reach that mountain top soon


It's yours for the taking, Myles. Don't stop until it's in your hands.


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## arkham

Wow! Inspiring story!
I am still at the bottom of the mountain but I have hope that I will can get better.
I am happy for you


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## AntiAnxiety

arkham said:


> Wow! Inspiring story!
> I am still at the bottom of the mountain but I have hope that I will can get better.
> I am happy for you


Keep climbing, arkham. Before all of this started, if somebody had told me I'd be where I am today, I would've laughed at them.


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## DreamAcrobatics

This thread is a great thread so thumbs up for that! But also i liked to mention something you kinda said about throwing yourself at walls no matter how scary they may seem. Uncomfortable situations that might seem like hell, it will get gradually easier to cope with whether you get anxious talking to people in public or even going to your local shop, don't give up and strive to do something that makes you anxious every day. Soon enough it will seem like nothing and even if you do fail, go again and again and again. 

I remember hearing stuff like this when i was younger think 'this is corny, people don't know what its like dealing with this' but EVERYONE in the worlds deals with anxiety everyday. It is easier to run away from our problems and it can all get overwhelming when you think of all the problems you may have but tackle your problems 1 step at a time and little by little you will feel better.


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## cortazar

Great! This is an inspiring thread. Thank you for taking your time and trying to help others. 

I'd really like to know how was this process in more depth, so we can learn from your steps -i know, it's a long journey, hard to summarize in a few words-. 

How did you manage to lower your AS? Do you recognize a specific turning point which made you change drastically? Which we're your biggest accomplishments that made your feel more confident and care less about what others' think? Or was it more about positive thinking? Do you have any other tips to share?

Thanks again, and sorry for asking so many questions. I believe your contribution is very helpful to us.


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## AndreaXo

That was a really good story  I am trying to stay positive with my own anxiety and I wanted to ask how do you deal with criticisms or negativity from other people? I get called names sometimes and weird looks from people when i'm just doing my own thing. This is a big reason why I've been shying aways from pursuing my goals.


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## feckoff

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

It's just I've been getting better these past six months and I'm even starting a new job in 3 weeks. But I keep having thoughts about going to university. I wouldn't be able to cope right now, maybe in 1-2 years. I worry that'd make me too old though (24/25).


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## ilsr

SPC said:


> first off, congrats OP~ the kind of life you want for yourself is one step closer, and soon you'll probably be finding new exciting mountains to climb and conquer. i remember too, just a few years ago i was hiding in an office bathroom having an anxiety attack because i was supposed to cold-call a stranger and i just couldnt do it. fighting through those events with the help of therapy and meds eventually worked for me though, and now i have all these things in my life (friends, relationship, etc) that 4-5 years ago would be impossible for me to have or maintain.
> 
> secondly, the sad thing about about the two points i've quoted above is that they're both true, neither of you are wrong. inevitably like everything else in life, some people will make it through the storm while others will fall short. i think its important to try and emphasize the need to fight it instead of emphasizing the fact that some people will not make it. its important for younger people who may be on the proverbial fence and reading forum posts here to get nudged to the side of hope and being proactive in problem solving instead of despair and giving up prematurely. yes its easier said than done, yes it wont work for everyone, and yes sometimes it will feel like one person admonishing another. but thats basically how therapy works as well, and people do it because it can work. the hope isn't fake, its real, and its worth talking about especially in the Triumphs section.


As an older guy, I can attest, just starting the career is just the beginning. There's the awful "office-politics" challenge. And then the extra work one needs to keep doing even at the job. I eventually could do it schoolwise. I would retake classes until I finally got the speech classes and group projects done. When I had *******s that goaded me into a breakdown, I quit the class waited a semester or a year then took it again and did it fine with nicer guys or girls. It's always the next *******s the pricks who still see the SA and want to exploit it and attack your weaknesses. What can one say, it's an ultra-competitive world especially today with the economy collapsing and 20 million decent jobs already gone from offshoring or automation and technology.
SA is kind of known about more in the general public, but unfortunately the SA person has even more challenges. My career got killed. And a lot of it was my fault due to laziness. But then much of it was also ruminating about slights and *******s at work after hours , or during weekends. And the boss only caring if I could work extra hours or do crappy stuff no one else wanted to do, while giving the real IT, and programming projects to a friend or some other hire. (if one is in IT/coding, you need to work/study extra 5 hours or more a day just to keep up or keep competitive. All my previous MSCE 2003 certs are now trashed by MS. for ex.) Because I was too ingrained doing the ****ty stuff for so long. Yes, I was answering calls from irate customers/strangers all day long and having to write memos and concialiatory case notes etc. None of which helped me with my social life. I was the loser in office-politics and now having to retry another career which probably won't help. Can't believe I just did another year in community college now. I'm just RIP van winkle. Well there was this old hag (over 60) in class who smokes but asks questions like a 21 yr old, hilarious. And I'm still single and no girl or woman wants me, when they see my non-existent "mating" experience. And the younger guys/girls clique in the workplace and talk behind my back. it's never over, this SA crap. Even attending meetings with regional UPS managers trying to sell our crappy product to them, who get bored they start hitting on the prettiest lady in the room; doesn't help much.


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## ilsr

SPC said:


> first off, congrats OP~ the kind of life you want for yourself is one step closer, and soon youll probably be finding new exciting mountains to climb and conquer. i remember too, just a few years ago i was hiding in an office bathroom having an anxiety attack because i was supposed to cold-call a stranger and i just couldnt do it. fighting through those events with the help of therapy and meds eventually worked for me though, and now i have all these things in my life (friends, relationship, etc) that 4-5 years ago would be impossible for me to have or maintain.
> 
> secondly, the sad thing about about the two points ive quoted above is that theyre both true, neither of you are wrong. inevitably like everything else in life, some people will make it through the storm while others will fall short. i think its important to try and emphasize the need to fight it instead of emphasizing the fact that some people will not make it. its important for younger people who may be on the proverbial fence and reading forum posts here to get nudged to the side of hope and being proactive in problem solving instead of despair and giving up prematurely. yes its easier said than done, yes it wont work for everyone, and yes sometimes it will feel like one person admonishing another. but thats basically how therapy works as well, and people do it because it can work. the hope isn't fake, its real, and its worth talking about especially in the Triumphs section.


As an older guy, I can attest, just starting the career is just the beginning. There's the awful "office-politics" challenge. And then the extra work 
I eventually could do it schoolwise. I would retake classes until I finally got the speech classes and group projects done. When I had *******s that goaded me into a breakdown, I quit the class waited a semester or a year then took it again and did it fine with nicer guys or girls. It's always the next *******s the pricks who still see the SA and want to exploit it and attack your weaknesses. What can one say, it's an ultracompetitive world especially today with the economy collapsiing and 20 million decent jobs already gone from offshoring or automation and technology.
SA is kind of known about more in the general public, but unfortunately the SA person has even more challenges. My career got killed. And a lot of it was my fault due to laziness. But then much of it was also ruminating about slights and *******s at work after hours , or during weekends. And the boss only caring if I could work extra hours or do crappy stuff no one else wanted to do, while giving the real IT, and programming projects to a friend or some other hire. Because I was too ingrained doing the ****ty stuff for so long. Yes, I was answering calls from irate customers/strangers all day long and having to write memos and concialiatory case notes etc. None of which helped me with my social life. 
And I'm still single and no girl or woman wants me, when they see my non-existant "mating" experience. And the younger guys/girls clique in the workplace and talk behind my back. it's never over, this SA crap. Even attending meetings with regional UPS managers who get bored they start hitting on the pretties lady in the room; doesn't help much. these bigwigs really do have some hot milf-assistants as part of the in line entourage during meetings and such.


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## AntiAnxiety

Wow, looks like my thread has been revived, lol. I'll be replying to everything shortly.


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## AntiAnxiety

DreamAcrobatics said:


> This thread is a great thread so thumbs up for that! But also i liked to mention something you kinda said about throwing yourself at walls no matter how scary they may seem. Uncomfortable situations that might seem like hell, it will get gradually easier to cope with whether you get anxious talking to people in public or even going to your local shop, don't give up and strive to do something that makes you anxious every day. Soon enough it will seem like nothing and even if you do fail, go again and again and again.
> 
> I remember hearing stuff like this when i was younger think 'this is corny, people don't know what its like dealing with this' but EVERYONE in the worlds deals with anxiety everyday. It is easier to run away from our problems and it can all get overwhelming when you think of all the problems you may have but tackle your problems 1 step at a time and little by little you will feel better.


This is very true. You've got to push and keep pushing. It kind of becomes a little game for yourself after a little while.



cortazar said:


> Great! This is an inspiring thread. Thank you for taking your time and trying to help others.
> 
> I'd really like to know how was this process in more depth, so we can learn from your steps -i know, it's a long journey, hard to summarize in a few words-.
> 
> How did you manage to lower your AS? Do you recognize a specific turning point which made you change drastically? Which we're your biggest accomplishments that made your feel more confident and care less about what others' think? Or was it more about positive thinking? Do you have any other tips to share?
> 
> Thanks again, and sorry for asking so many questions. I believe your contribution is very helpful to us.


Yeah, I tried to minimize the writing, because I didn't want to turn the task of successfully reading my whole post a triumph in itself 

I am here for you to ask questions. If I didn't care about anybody else
in here, I wouldn't have bothered to come back and tell this story. I wanted to make a significant difference to some of the people on here who have gone a long time thinking that they couldn't make a life for themselves. I was hoping to help at least one person, because I tried something similar to this when I was really making progress a couple of years ago, and it turned into an argument, but I've actually managed to help several people. People have been reading this thread, and some people have been PMing me (which, of course, is welcomed). I'm touched that I've made a difference.

To answer your question, I was sick of running. I felt like I was waking up, having to go do something outside, and all the while I was trying to complete the task, I was running away from everything associated with the outside world until I could retreat back to the sanctuary of my home at the end of the day. I saw a psychotherapist, and he diagnosed me. He told me that I basically had to face it all until it dissipated. He didn't offer to prescribe me any kind of pill, and I wouldn't have accepted it.

From that point on, I made it my mission to destroy this anxiety. I forced myself into crowded places, started talking to people every chance I got, started speaking up a lot more in class. Basically started doing things around people and kept on doing them. I did this as much as possible. The therapist I had told me that I had made more progress in such a short amount of time than any other SA patient he had. For me, it was simple. Having a therapist to talk to about some of the stuff was great, but I was only going to get better by doing something about it. When you really immerse yourself in something new, you start to get better at a rapid rate. Pills weren't an option. It's a smokescreen to me. I believe that everybody can get past this without them. My biggest accomplishment would probably be what this thread was originally about; graduating college. Among others, I'd say a guy with SA getting an A in a public speaking class is pretty damn good 
Maybe also the point when I realized my conversation skills were finally up to par. I held a conversation for 25 minutes straight, and ended it on my own. There were probably others, but those are the ones I can think of at the moment.

The one thing you have to know is that, no matter how many people like you, somebody will always find a reason to not like you. That's the way the world works. This is great news, because it allowed me to stop trying to please everyone. I hope it does the same for you. And, through this journey, I've found that it is very possible that the person you become after defeating this can completely cast aside the first impression you made on somebody. I've gone from being that strange guy who had problems communicating, to being called "sexy" by those same people who thought I was strange before. And, that's another thing. Don't take being weird as an insult. Everybody is weird in one way or another in the fact that everybody is different. Nobody is "normal". Normalcy is an illusion. If you even think you're normal, you're weird, lol.

Ask anything else you want to know.



feckoff said:


> How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
> 
> It's just I've been getting better these past six months and I'm even starting a new job in 3 weeks. But I keep having thoughts about going to university. I wouldn't be able to cope right now, maybe in 1-2 years. I worry that'd make me too old though (24/25).


I'm 22. I started college at 17. If you ask me, I think you should do it. One of the most motivating things that kept me in there is wanting to be on the other side of the "what if". You've got a great change at improving your own life. You don't want to end up being trapped in the job you're doing right now, and then thinking, about 10 years later, "I wonder how far I'd be if I had gone to school?". Think of it as a way of killing two birds with one stone. By enrolling, you're not only taking the steps necessary to improving your quality of life drastically, you are opening yourself up to plenty of opportunities that can be used to combat your anxiety, AND further your social life. Even develop a social life if you don't have one. And there's one more thing about college. People of all ages are in there. I remember vividly, from my very first class, where I sat next to a 26 year old, to the classes I'm taking right now, where there are people my age, then people as high as age 30. People recognize the benefits of college at many different ages. I've NEVER been the oldest in my class. Even if you are, it's not something you really need to think about. You're never too old to want a better life.



ils25r said:


> As an older guy, I can attest, just starting the career is just the beginning. There's the awful "office-politics" challenge. And then the extra work
> I eventually could do it schoolwise. I would retake classes until I finally got the speech classes and group projects done. When I had *******s that goaded me into a breakdown, I quit the class waited a semester or a year then took it again and did it fine with nicer guys or girls. It's always the next *******s the pricks who still see the SA and want to exploit it and attack your weaknesses. What can one say, it's an ultracompetitive world especially today with the economy collapsiing and 20 million decent jobs already gone from offshoring or automation and technology.
> SA is kind of known about more in the general public, but unfortunately the SA person has even more challenges. My career got killed. And a lot of it was my fault due to laziness. But then much of it was also ruminating about slights and *******s at work after hours , or during weekends. And the boss only caring if I could work extra hours or do crappy stuff no one else wanted to do, while giving the real IT, and programming projects to a friend or some other hire. Because I was too ingrained doing the ****ty stuff for so long. Yes, I was answering calls from irate customers/strangers all day long and having to write memos and concialiatory case notes etc. None of which helped me with my social life.
> And I'm still single and no girl or woman wants me, when they see my non-existant "mating" experience. And the younger guys/girls clique in the workplace and talk behind my back. it's never over, this SA crap. Even attending meetings with regional UPS managers who get bored they start hitting on the pretties lady in the room; doesn't help much. these bigwigs really do have some hot milf-assistants as part of the in line entourage during meetings and such.


The office thing is what I'm looking forward to being involved in. Sounds like you're in technical support. I'm going to be a network administrator. My conversational skills are all there. A recurring compliment I've always seemed to get is that I'm a funny guy. That often helped me at work. I'll be among the youngest working there, but I don't care. I don't care what people think about me. I'm there to work, not talk about other people.


----------



## cortazar

AntiAnxiety said:


> Yeah, I tried to minimize the writing, because I didn't want to turn the task of successfully reading my whole post a triumph in itself
> 
> I am here for you to ask questions. If I didn't care about anybody else
> in here, I wouldn't have bothered to come back and tell this story. I wanted to make a significant difference to some of the people on here who have gone a long time thinking that they couldn't make a life for themselves. I was hoping to help at least one person, because I tried something similar to this when I was really making progress a couple of years ago, and it turned into an argument, but I've actually managed to help several people. People have been reading this thread, and some people have been PMing me (which, of course, is welcomed). I'm touched that I've made a difference.
> 
> To answer your question, I was sick of running. I felt like I was waking up, having to go do something outside, and all the while I was trying to complete the task, I was running away from everything associated with the outside world until I could retreat back to the sanctuary of my home at the end of the day. I saw a psychotherapist, and he diagnosed me. He told me that I basically had to face it all until it dissipated. He didn't offer to prescribe me any kind of pill, and I wouldn't have accepted it.
> 
> From that point on, I made it my mission to destroy this anxiety. I forced myself into crowded places, started talking to people every chance I got, started speaking up a lot more in class. Basically started doing things around people and kept on doing them. I did this as much as possible. The therapist I had told me that I had made more progress in such a short amount of time than any other SA patient he had. For me, it was simple. Having a therapist to talk to about some of the stuff was great, but I was only going to get better by doing something about it. When you really immerse yourself in something new, you start to get better at a rapid rate. Pills weren't an option. It's a smokescreen to me. I believe that everybody can get past this without them. My biggest accomplishment would probably be what this thread was originally about; graduating college. Among others, I'd say a guy with SA getting an A in a public speaking class is pretty damn good
> Maybe also the point when I realized my conversation skills were finally up to par. I held a conversation for 25 minutes straight, and ended it on my own. There were probably others, but those are the ones I can think of at the moment.
> 
> The one thing you have to know is that, no matter how many people like you, somebody will always find a reason to not like you. That's the way the world works. This is great news, because it allowed me to stop trying to please everyone. I hope it does the same for you. And, through this journey, I've found that it is very possible that the person you become after defeating this can completely cast aside the first impression you made on somebody. I've gone from being that strange guy who had problems communicating, to being called "sexy" by those same people who thought I was strange before. And, that's another thing. Don't take being weird as an insult. Everybody is weird in one way or another in the fact that everybody is different. Nobody is "normal". Normalcy is an illusion. If you even think you're normal, you're weird, lol.
> 
> Ask anything else you want to know.


Thank you for answering!

I'll try to summarize your points, so I can understand clearly.

Your main accomplishments were facing your fears, getting exposed and graduating. And, in terms of mindset, you realized that you can't please everyone; because, as you said, there will always be people who dislike you while others like you. Also, you found out there's no such thing as normality.

Glad to see that you solved this. One of my problems is trying to please everyone. I'm always trying to be nice, but I sometimes find this efforts get me tired. I just want to be me. Also, i used to feel weird and unnormal -sometimes I still do-.

I would also like to ask you a few more questions:

1) Did you have any problem with your voice or any other evident physical symptoms? How did you solve them?
(My voice changes when I'm nervous, and that makes things worse!)

2) How did you get rid of negative thoughts? Did you concentrate on anything specific, try to refute these thoughts or so something else?

3) Did you have problems accepting yourself and your physical appearance? 
(I'm obsessed with my defects, even though there are girls who told me they find me attractive.

4) Would you like to share something more about not caring of how others perceive you? (how did you manage not to care about what others think about you)

I'm glad you made it and I really appreciate your generosity. You deserve your accomplishments, because you worked hard for them.

Cheers and sorry for my bad english (and asking too many questions).


----------



## AntiAnxiety

cortazar said:


> Thank you for answering!
> 
> I'll try to summarize your points, so I can understand clearly.
> 
> Your main accomplishments were facing your fears, getting exposed and graduating. And, in terms of mindset, you realized that you can't please everyone; because, as you said, there will always be people who dislike you while others like you. Also, you found out there's no such thing as normality.
> 
> Glad to see that you solved this. One of my problems is trying to please everyone. I'm always trying to be nice, but I sometimes find this efforts get me tired. I just want to be me. Also, i used to feel weird and unnormal -sometimes I still do-.
> 
> I would also like to ask you a few more questions:
> 
> 1) Did you have any problem with your voice or any other evident physical symptoms? How did you solve them?
> (My voice changes when I'm nervous, and that makes things worse!)
> 
> 2) How did you get rid of negative thoughts? Did you concentrate on anything specific, try to refute these thoughts or so something else?
> 
> 3) Did you have problems accepting yourself and your physical appearance?
> (I'm obsessed with my defects, even though there are girls who told me they find me attractive.
> 
> 4)Would you like to share something more about not caring of how others perceive you? (how did you manage not to care about what others think about you)
> 
> I'm glad you made it and I really appreciate your generosity. You deserve your accomplishments, because you worked hard for them.
> 
> Cheers and sorry for my bad english (and asking too many questions).


You can't be asking too many questions if that's what I'm here for. What's funny is, the moment I stopped trying to please people, and I started being myself, I found that more people liked me than before.

*1)* Yes, my voice would change too. It would get thin and slightly higher in pitch. It went away with forcing myself to face the anxiety. I'd also have a slight head tick which would cause me to twitch. Yeah, one time I was talking to somebody, and they saw it. This was years ago before I started to really work on myself. Today, I've got that same person calling me sexy and giving me compliments every time they see me, lol. Goes to show, first impressions are important, but second impressions can completely destroy those. It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

*2)* Describe what you mean exactly by negative thoughts so that I can tailor some advice to you. For me, it was just constantly worrying about what other people thought. It's kind of like believing something that you fear is hiding behind a curtain. Once you force yourself to look behind it, you realize that nothing is there. The consequences of somebody not liking you are very small. Think about it. There are over 8 billion people in the world. No need to concern yourself with those who don't want to give you a chance.

*3)* Actually, yes. For one thing, I'm short. Guys would call me ugly sometimes. I ended up thinking, the funny thing is that I'm not gay, so why should I care whether they find me attractive or not? 

I think our SA naturally makes us overly critical. I don't think that's too much of a bad thing though, because it kind of urges you to act and be over prepared. I was like you. I can remember finding out outright that several girls found me attractive back in high school when I was painfully quiet. Later on, I found out it was even more than that. The thing is though, this isn't about what other people think. It doesn't matter if other people think you're good enough for them, you have to be good enough for yourself. So, as you can probably guess, the fact that I wasn't content with my own appearance just made me want to do work on myself.

I style my hair now, get haircuts on a weekly basis, and completely revamped my style. I traded in my baggy clothes for more fitted attire that was dressy, yet still casual. Remember where I said before that I stopped trying to please people, and it seemed like more people magically began to like me? Once I put these changes into action, sure enough, more people seemed to start giving me approval on my look, even though I didn't need that. It's still nice to be stopped by strangers and told how nice you look though.

I'm still doing work as we speak. Fitness-wise, I'm in the best shape of my life, but still have about 1-2 months more before my body is in the ideal shape I want it to be in.

*4)* Nothing to it but to do it, my friend. You can't kill yourself for somebody else just so they can "approve". I used to be one of those people who would never say, "I don't care.", but who's going to care about you if you don't? And that goes back to all of this other stuff I've been saying. Start taking care of yourself. Invest in a hobby. Change what you don't like about your appearance, not what somebody else doesn't like. You can want to experience social dynamics, but you'll find that you don't need other people to make you feel good at all.

Thank you. And had you not mentioned that you weren't a native English speaker, I would not have noticed. You, my friend, are fluent. Ask me anything else you want to know.


----------



## MylesB93

How did you motivate yourself to take risks? Thats really what I'm struggling with at the moment: whether it's starting a conversation with a work colleague or something as simple as making a joke, I always seem to hesitate and end up holding back :S I feel like I know what I need to do to overcome SA, but I'm just finding it hard to take that first step :/


----------



## Maiq

Thanks for posting your story! Seeing threads like this is the only real reason I lurk here. If other people people can be triumphant over SA, then there's no reason why I can't. And about the martial arts, how much did that help? I ask because I'm currently doing Tae kwon do and I feel like it is helping about.



MylesB93 said:


> How did you motivate yourself to take risks? Thats really what I'm struggling with at the moment: whether it's starting a conversation with a work colleague or something as simple as making a joke, I always seem to hesitate and end up holding back :S I feel like I know what I need to do to overcome SA, but I'm just finding it hard to take that first step :/


I'm in no way a master of risks, but I have been getting better with jumping into and starting conversations with people I'm not too comfortable around. What I like to do is just spend some free time learning some history, keeping up with current events, or just learning some other stuff like music or science. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to be pretty knowledgeable on various subjects since you never know when a subject might come up, and the more you know about something the less risk of saying something incorrect.


----------



## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> How did you motivate yourself to take risks? Thats really what I'm struggling with at the moment: whether it's starting a conversation with a work colleague or something as simple as making a joke, I always seem to hesitate and end up holding back :S I feel like I know what I need to do to overcome SA, but I'm just finding it hard to take that first step :/


Well, what's the risk? Those things will only improve you. They may not like the joke, but who cares, people make bad jokes daily. Know that if you follow through and do that, you're getting closer and closer to not having this problem affect you anymore. Each time you're challenged with that, think about that. It's what kept me constantly looking to do stuff. You don't have to force yourself to do everything at once, but, like I said, closer with each step.



Maiq said:


> Thanks for posting your story! Seeing threads like this is the only real reason I lurk here. If other people people can be triumphant over SA, then there's no reason why I can't. And about the martial arts, how much did that help? I ask because I'm currently doing Tae kwon do and I feel like it is helping about.
> 
> I'm in no way a master of risks, but I have been getting better with jumping into and starting conversations with people I'm not too comfortable around. What I like to do is just spend some free time learning some history, keeping up with current events, or just learning some other stuff like music or science. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to be pretty knowledgeable on various subjects since you never know when a subject might come up, and the more you know about something the less risk of saying something incorrect.


It helped, because it's what got me started on gaining confidence. It's the first place I went where I felt nobody judged me. It was all about what I could do, and
I was told that I was great at it. It made me work harder to get better at it. I went from being scrawny to looking "solid".

That's great to hear you've already started jumping in. You've already begun the process. You also sound like me. I like to learn as much as I can about things. For example, my favorite hobby right now is the study of classical voice and singing techniques. For some reason, this seems to fascinate people. Who knew there was a science to singing?


----------



## Maiq

AntiAnxiety said:


> It helped, because it's what got me started on gaining confidence. It's the first place I went where I felt nobody judged me. It was all about what I could do, and
> I was told that I was great at it. It made me work harder to get better at it. I went from being scrawny to looking "solid".
> 
> That's great to hear you've already started jumping in. You've already begun the process. You also sound like me. I like to learn as much as I can about things. For example, my favorite hobby right now is the study of classical voice and singing techniques. For some reason, this seems to fascinate people. Who knew there was a science to singing?


Haha yeah from what I've read we seem pretty similar. My tae kwon do classes have definitely been helping with my confidence. Also since my classes are so small I was able to get to know all the other older students. And yeah I'm hopping to turn this scrawny into something more solid. Was martial arts the only thing you did to start looking solid or did you also go to the gym?

That sounds like an awesome hobby to get into! I like to play a lot of guitar and sometimes my banjo and harmonicas. I've been trying to do more singing while I play but I can never really do it unless I'm at home alone, lol. Also I'm not sure how I feel about my voice. I should probably look into singing techniques and maybe I can make it sound right. And thanks for the encouragement, hopefully I'll be able to talk to girls without being so d*** nervous soon. I guess that's the next thing I need to start working on.


----------



## MylesB93

Maiq said:


> I'm in no way a master of risks, but I have been getting better with jumping into and starting conversations with people I'm not too comfortable around. What I like to do is just spend some free time learning some history, keeping up with current events, or just learning some other stuff like music or science. I guess what I'm saying is that I like to be pretty knowledgeable on various subjects since you never know when a subject might come up, and the more you know about something the less risk of saying something incorrect.


This is really good advice and something that I've thought about before. It'd definitely make it easier to talk to people if you have things to talk about (if that makes sense lol)



AntiAnxiety said:


> Well, what's the risk? Those things will only improve you. They may not like the joke, but who cares, people make bad jokes daily. Know that if you follow through and do that, you're getting closer and closer to not having this problem affect you anymore. Each time you're challenged with that, think about that. It's what kept me constantly looking to do stuff. You don't have to force yourself to do everything at once, but, like I said, closer with each step.


I guess it makes a lot of sense when you think about it like that haha xD My biggest worry is always what other people think about me but then I guess that's pretty much the cause of the problem. I suppose the only way to overcome this issue is by actually facing it rather than thinking about it. Thanks for the advice! :clap


----------



## BJam

Great story. I agree with you about the negativity on this site, it's poison. I think for a lot of people on here the combination of social anxiety with depression is what leads to a lot of their self-defeating outlooks. 

Having dealt with my depression, and accepted myself for who I am, I find myself in a much more positive place. I wouldn't say that I'm clear of SA, but it's manageable; I'm able to pick myself up after each setback and continue to live my life and do what I enjoy doing. I hope that you continue to enjoy your new sense of confidence and check in here every now and then to help out some of the folks on here; this place is in bad need of positivity.


----------



## AntiAnxiety

Maiq said:


> Haha yeah from what I've read we seem pretty similar. My tae kwon do classes have definitely been helping with my confidence. Also since my classes are so small I was able to get to know all the other older students. And yeah I'm hopping to turn this scrawny into something more solid. Was martial arts the only thing you did to start looking solid or did you also go to the gym?
> 
> That sounds like an awesome hobby to get into! I like to play a lot of guitar and sometimes my banjo and harmonicas. I've been trying to do more singing while I play but I can never really do it unless I'm at home alone, lol. Also I'm not sure how I feel about my voice. I should probably look into singing techniques and maybe I can make it sound right. And thanks for the encouragement, hopefully I'll be able to talk to girls without being so d*** nervous soon. I guess that's the next thing I need to start working on.


I've been going to the gym over the past several years on and off. Haven't been able to get results until I started this new program recently. I can't believe it. 1-2 more months and I'll look like a commando, lol.

Everybody can sing, man. I remember when I just started college back at age 17, I made my first friend in years. He started singing one day when we were walking. I was amazed. He sounded like he could've been on a CD. I was like, "I wish I could do that...", and he was like, "You can. Everyone can." I've been into it ever since. He got me started on Classical, and now I'm into R&B. I've gone from not being able to do it at all to being able to imitate some of my favorite artists. All in about 2 years of proper practice. If you're looking for me to point you in the right direction, I can certainly do that.

I also have a guitar and a piano, but your voice is an instrument too.



MylesB93 said:


> I guess it makes a lot of sense when you think about it like that haha xD My biggest worry is always what other people think about me but then I guess that's pretty much the cause of the problem. I suppose the only way to overcome this issue is by actually facing it rather than thinking about it. Thanks for the advice! :clap


Yeah, man. You can plan how you want to go about it, but you've got to do it. That's for sure. In a little while, you'll be writing a thread like this as well.



BJam said:


> Great story. I agree with you about the negativity on this site, it's poison. I think for a lot of people on here the combination of social anxiety with depression is what leads to a lot of their self-defeating outlooks.
> 
> Having dealt with my depression, and accepted myself for who I am, I find myself in a much more positive place. I wouldn't say that I'm clear of SA, but it's manageable; I'm able to pick myself up after each setback and continue to live my life and do what I enjoy doing. I hope that you continue to enjoy your new sense of confidence and check in here every now and then to help out some of the folks on here; this place is in bad need of positivity.


And if you come here with just SA, you'll have no problem picking up some depression from here to go with it, lol.


----------



## Maiq

MylesB93 said:


> This is really good advice and something that I've thought about before. It'd definitely make it easier to talk to people if you have things to talk about (if that makes sense lol)


lol I get what you're saying, I feel the same way. I like to watch documentaries a lot and look up random s*** on the internet. It's a good way to learn random facts that you can contribute to a conversation. It's always nice to learn interesting new things too.



AntiAnxiety said:


> Everybody can sing, man. I remember when I just started college back at age 17, I made my first friend in years. He started singing one day when we were walking. I was amazed. He sounded like he could've been on a CD. I was like, "I wish I could do that...", and he was like, "You can. Everyone can." I've been into it ever since. He got me started on Classical, and now I'm into R&B. I've gone from not being able to do it at all to being able to imitate some of my favorite artists. All in about 2 years of proper practice. If you're looking for me to point you in the right direction, I can certainly do that.
> 
> I also have a guitar and a piano, but your voice is an instrument too.


That would be great. I've kinda just been trying to learn on my own, but I think I should just learn the correct way now.


----------



## arkham

AntiAnxiety can I ask you a question? Umm I have no close friends to talk to in real life about my social anxiety, feelings and stuff, never tried it. So I found people like myself to talk to via PM in forums. But it is way different than real life, I mean the feedback is so slow, I keep checking PM box constantly but I get response daily at best. And while waiting I keep overthinking about what this person would think of me too much. 
How should I deal with my lack of social interaction I need real life people to talk to but it is not manageable yet. So I feel lonely most of the time and it drives me nuts.


----------



## Anti depressant

Wow AntiAnxiety, your thread is an inspiration. It's similar to the conclusions that I've come across lately. Once I realized that I should stop trying to please everyone, that not everyone will like me, then I started focusing a lot more on myself and doing things for me. 

Isn't it much better feeling self-confidence and not confidence-from-others, aka, false self-esteem?

Also, I've been meaning to get back into martial arts. Would you recommend it even after a 4 month long hiatus?


----------



## AntiAnxiety

Maiq said:


> That would be great. I've kinda just been trying to learn on my own, but I think I should just learn the correct way now.


Great. A lot of famous performers just got good from singing all the time. You'd be surprised how good you can get and how fast you can get there with proper practice.



arkham said:


> *AntiAnxiety can I ask you a question?* Umm I have no close friends to talk to in real life about my social anxiety, feelings and stuff, never tried it. So I found people like myself to talk to via PM in forums. But it is way different than real life, I mean the feedback is so slow, I keep checking PM box constantly but I get response daily at best. And while waiting I keep overthinking about what this person would think of me too much.
> How should I deal with my lack of social interaction I need real life people to talk to but it is not manageable yet. So I feel lonely most of the time and it drives me nuts.


You mean another one? Lol, of course you can. One great idea could be if some people on here could get together and make a Skype thread or some kind of webcam chat thread. It's one way people can get started having conversations everyday. Everyone is in the same boat, so it would be easier. Of course, it's not as good as being outside and doing it, but being able to practice communication skills and possibly get fluid enough with it to the point where you're not drawing blanks and pausing can make a big difference. I really do want you to try and start getting outside though.



Anti depressant said:


> Wow AntiAnxiety, your thread is an inspiration. It's similar to the conclusions that I've come across lately. Once I realized that I should stop trying to please everyone, that not everyone will like me, then I started focusing a lot more on myself and doing things for me.
> 
> Isn't it much better feeling self-confidence and not confidence-from-others, aka, false self-esteem?
> 
> Also, I've been meaning to get back into martial arts. Would you recommend it even after a 4 month long hiatus?


Yeah, that's it. When you feel great about yourself, nobody can take that away from you. Some people say it's bad to have an ego, but that's not necessarily true. It's bad when you don't control it.

As for the martial arts, I got injured and had to take a year-long hiatus. It's never too late to get back into it. I know guys 60+ who are great, and they aren't even grandmasters who have been training for years and years.

Also, a lot of people have been talking to me about trying to talk to women. I got a lady's number online last night and I thought it would be a great idea to show some of the conversation for motivation purposes. If I can do this, I know for a fact that you can too.


----------



## MylesB93

AntiAnxiety said:


> Also, a lot of people have been talking to me about trying to talk to women. I got a lady's number online last night and I thought it would be a great idea to show some of the conversation for motivation purposes. If I can do this, I know for a fact that you can too.


That's amazing man, so jealous :clap


----------



## Maiq

AntiAnxiety said:


> Great. A lot of famous performers just got good from singing all the time. You'd be surprised how good you can get and how fast you can get there with proper practice.


Yea that's what I usually do. What are some good proper practice methods?


----------



## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> That's amazing man, so jealous :clap


And that's from a guy who used to go days without saying a word. Just goes to show what continuous forced communication can do. Your way of words alone can make people see you as unique. And that's not the first time somebody said that to me.



Maiq said:


> Yea that's what I usually do. What are some good proper practice methods?


I'll send you a message with some good links.


----------



## MylesB93

One more question: Did you have any kind of counselling or read any books on overcoming SA, or was it just a case of knuckling down and dealing with the issue on your own?


----------



## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> One more question: Did you have any kind of counselling or read any books on overcoming SA, or was it just a case of knuckling down and dealing with the issue on your own?


Hey, was just about to post in here. The only counseling I had was the short 2 month period I went to a psychoanalyst. Telling somebody about your problems for a while was nice, but when it came to fixing them, it was all action. I knew I had to face it. I just wanted to make sure I was going to go about it in the best possible way, which is the way I have suggested in here. Don't allow it to catch you off guard and corner you because you're being forced to face it, force it to face you by placing yourself in situations where it is triggered.

What I was going to post in here was that it has become official now. All of my grades are in from the Spring semester except one, and I have passed everything. I honestly thought I wasn't going to pass one because I was wrongfully placed in it, took it multiple times, and only had one more chance to pass it before having to take it at another college. The class that I'm waiting on is something I know for a fact that I got at least a B in.

Even if I didn't pass that other class, I could easily make it up this summer and still graduate. I did pass it though. What this now means is that I have absolutely nothing more to be concerned about but two gym classes which are a month long each, and one e-learning class which will start next week and last until August. Coast is clear


----------



## MylesB93

AntiAnxiety said:


> Hey, was just about to post in here. The only counseling I had was the short 2 month period I went to a psychoanalyst. Telling somebody about your problems for a while was nice, but when it came to fixing them, it was all action. I knew I had to face it. I just wanted to make sure I was going to go about it in the best possible way, which is the way I have suggested in here. Don't allow it to catch you off guard and corner you because you're being forced to face it, force it to face you by placing yourself in situations where it is triggered.
> 
> What I was going to post in here was that it has become official now. All of my grades are in from the Spring semester except one, and I have passed everything. I honestly thought I wasn't going to pass one because I was wrongfully placed in it, took it multiple times, and only had one more chance to pass it before having to take it at another college. The class that I'm waiting on is something I know for a fact that I got at least a B in.
> 
> Even if I didn't pass that other class, I could easily make it up this summer and still graduate. I did pass it though. What this now means is that I have absolutely nothing more to be concerned about but two gym classes which are a month long each, and one e-learning class which will start next week and last until August. Coast is clear


That's awesome man, congrats  :clap


----------



## AntiAnxiety

Thank you, my friend.


----------



## W A N D E R L U S T

:clap

Congratulations! You did something different! You went out on a chance and took the public speaking course instead of the usual avoidance. I'm not saying it's the only way to go about it, but it definitely worked for you! Good work! 



AntiAnxiety said:


> Life is what you make it. You can choose to lie down and suffer or you can fight to make it enjoyable. No matter how convinced you are that you can't, you can. It's what you make it. The choice is yours. I've made mine. When will it be your turn?


This is very true. If you choose to keep avoiding whatever it is that you want, you'll never get it unless you're really, really lucky. You can go out on a chance and go for it straight up or you can build your way up to it! Either way, you're closer than what you were before!

People say they've accepted the fact that they'll never get/have something but are they happy about it? Some are but some aren't. Why settle for unhappiness?

Yes, I think it's also about who you associate yourself with and what you subject yourself to. If you're around people that think and act in a negative way while you're trying to stay or become positive, it won't benefit you at all and actually bring you down. If you think you can't because you're not "normal" like others, you're wrong. Nothing is normal. No one is normal. A positive environment will help you see life from a different perspective, it'll help you think differently.


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## AntiAnxiety

TigerLilly02 said:


> :clap
> 
> Congratulations! You did something different! You went out on a chance and took the public speaking course instead of the usual avoidance. I'm not saying it's the only way to go about it, but it definitely worked for you! Good work!
> 
> This is very true. If you choose to keep avoiding whatever it is that you want, you'll never get it unless you're really, really lucky. You can go out on a chance and go for it straight up or you can build your way up to it! Either way, you're closer than what you were before!
> 
> People say they've accepted the fact that they'll never get/have something but are they happy about it? Some are but some aren't. Why settle for unhappiness?
> 
> Yes, I think it's also about who you associate yourself with and what you subject yourself to. If you're around people that think and act in a negative way while you're trying to stay or become positive, it won't benefit you at all and actually bring you down. If you think you can't because you're not "normal" like others, you're wrong. Nothing is normal. No one is normal. A positive environment will help you see life from a different perspective, it'll help you think differently.


Yes, I had to do it. I could already get A's on papers with ease. I needed to do something about the area where I was lacking. The strange thing is, before anxiety hit, I had absolutely never experienced nervousness. I've actually spoken to hundreds of people on a stage before and received a standing ovation for it. I know I have it in me. I know I have that in me already, and that class was the first time I saw that side of me resurface in about 6 years.

I'm actually surprised that you're only 17. You get it already. There's no reason to stay unhappy. If you do nothing, you're unhappy. If you try, and it's not better yet, you're still unhappy but it's getting there. Life is too long to spend the whole thing feeling sorry for yourself. In an essence, you'll make hell a reality because you'll be tormenting yourself forever. Nobody is normal. I feel bad for anybody who thinks they are. Anxiety is just a convincing illusion, ands everyone has the ability in them to see past it.


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## AntiAnxiety

Trying to see if anybody else has anymore questions about any of this.


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## MylesB93

AntiAnxiety said:


> Trying to see if anybody else has anymore questions about any of this.


How have things been since your last post? Made any more progress?


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## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> How have things been since your last post? Made any more progress?


I officially finish college in exactly one month. Originally, I had 3 classes to take this summer, but I just passed two of them. Only have one more to go, and I only go to school one day a week. This is as smooth as the sailing gets 

Also, I have been making big moves when it comes to getting a job lined up. Made a lot of contacts in a short amount of time. I've got a very good chance of landing a job at the company of my dreams as my very first job out of college. I thought it would take me 10 years to get there, but I'm a lot closer than I thought.

How about yourself?


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## MylesB93

AntiAnxiety said:


> I officially finish college in exactly one month. Originally, I had 3 classes to take this summer, but I just passed two of them. Only have one more to go, and I only go to school one day a week. This is as smooth as the sailing gets
> 
> Also, I have been making big moves when it comes to getting a job lined up. Made a lot of contacts in a short amount of time. I've got a very good chance of landing a job at the company of my dreams as my very first job out of college. I thought it would take me 10 years to get there, but I'm a lot closer than I thought.
> 
> How about yourself?


Awesome! Good luck with that last class and it'll be amazing if you get that job :clap

As for me, I'm starting university in just over 2 months - so nervous :S Hoping my SA doesn't get in the way, don't want it to ruin what could be a potentially amazing experience. But I am slowly getting better so maybe I'll be ok


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## AntiAnxiety

MylesB93 said:


> Awesome! Good luck with that last class and it'll be amazing if you get that job :clap
> 
> As for me, I'm starting university in just over 2 months - so nervous :S Hoping my SA doesn't get in the way, don't want it to ruin what could be a potentially amazing experience. But I am slowly getting better so maybe I'll be ok


You'll be okay. Trust in yourself. All anxiety can do is spook you. The only thing that can physically stop you is yourself. That degree is yours for the taking.

One thing that really helps me when deciding whether or not to do something like that is realizing that I'll always be wondering "What if?" if I end up deciding not to do it.

Let me tell you. Now that I've made it, it's surreal. I wake up everyday now, and, I know this is corny, but it's like I'm living in a dream. I reflect on where I am everyday, and it amazes me each time.

The hardest road is worth it. If you could imagine what it might feel like to have absolutely no worries, you'd be imagining what I feel like everyday. You deserve to feel that way too.


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## AntiAnxiety

Well, it's official now. Just took my last final this afternoon and scored an A. Just waiting for my degree to get printed ^_^


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## BHL 20

@AntiAnxiety: I would like to know how much were you affected by anxiety after an event? 
For all of last year, which was my first year in college I tried take as many risks as possible. I had the mindset that hard work/willpower could overcome everything. But I have severe after event anxiety which meant that whenever a situation went even slightly badly I wouldn't be able to stop analyzing it for several hours and worrying about what the people thought of me. And after that whenever I'd see anything that reminded me of the situation the feeling would come back. I've racked up so many of these past situations that every day I come across things that remind me of them. I don't know if I'll ever get rid of all this rubbish in my head, and as a consequence, I don't see risk taking as being worth it anymore. That's why I'm wondering if you or anyone else who has recovered from SA had anything similar.


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## AntiAnxiety

BHL 20 said:


> @AntiAnxiety: I would like to know how much were you affected by anxiety after an event?
> For all of last year, which was my first year in college I tried take as many risks as possible. I had the mindset that hard work/willpower could overcome everything. But I have severe after event anxiety which meant that whenever a situation went even slightly badly I wouldn't be able to stop analyzing it for several hours and worrying about what the people thought of me. And after that whenever I'd see anything that reminded me of the situation the feeling would come back. I've racked up so many of these past situations that every day I come across things that remind me of them. I don't know if I'll ever get rid of all this rubbish in my head, and as a consequence, I don't see risk taking as being worth it anymore. That's why I'm wondering if you or anyone else who has recovered from SA had anything similar.


Ah, I can definitely relate. For me, as it may have been for you, to know an event was coming brought me a lot of anxiety. For example, say I just started a class and the professor announced we would have presentations on the last day of class. I would have a constant feeling of impending doom even though it was months ahead. I'd seriously start thinking about things I wanted to do before I had to face that as if I was really going to die, LOL.

I think I have an issue with past experiences as well. When I would think of all of the times when I put myself out of my comfort zone and suffered greatly because of it, I would cringe a bit. Coincidentally, I picked up something that helped me get over that in school. I took a serious economics class last Fall, and we were discussing "sunk costs"; basically, resources that you've already put into something and cannot recover. The professor used "There's no use crying over spilt milk" as an analogy to the solution. Basically, don't worry about what has already happened. What is done is done. That stuck with me. I stopped thinking about the aftermath of things. Focus on creating the result you desire to the best of your ability. If you've done all that you can, don't worry about it.


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## DeafBoy36

Medications help me get through graduate school. Wouldn't have survived graduate school. So glad I'm done with it, but I'm thinking of going back for Ph.D although now I know I can survive graduate school. 

Yes, anxiety can get worse when you are being in school. Nice thing about school is this:

it's temporary and the degree you earn is forever.


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## DeafBoy36

AntiAnxiety said:


> Ah, I can definitely relate. For me, as it may have been for you, to know an event was coming brought me a lot of anxiety. For example, say I just started a class and the professor announced we would have presentations on the last day of class. I would have a constant feeling of impending doom even though it was months ahead. I'd seriously start thinking about things I wanted to do before I had to face that as if I was really going to die, LOL.
> 
> I think I have an issue with past experiences as well. When I would think of all of the times when I put myself out of my comfort zone and suffered greatly because of it, I would cringe a bit. Coincidentally, I picked up something that helped me get over that in school. I took a serious economics class last Fall, and we were discussing "sunk costs"; basically, resources that you've already put into something and cannot recover. The professor used "There's no use crying over spilt milk" as an analogy to the solution. Basically, don't worry about what has already happened. What is done is done. That stuck with me. I stopped thinking about the aftermath of things. Focus on creating the result you desire to the best of your ability. If you've done all that you can, don't worry about it.


Congratulations on earning your degree! I know EXACTLY how you feel. You did it! You did earn a degree even with an anxiety disorder. It's harder for us compared to other students, but it's doable as long as we put our energies into it. There are days that I would have quit, but I thought about this in my head: holding my degree and going to Hawaii (I swore that I wouldn't go there if I didn't graduate and now I have graduated, I'm planning on going there)


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## Ricehead

Congrats on graduating! This was a great story and I enjoyed readying all your responses. This kind of positivity is exactly what I need to fuel my mind. 

I think this is best thing you said. 

"Don't take being weird as an insult. Everybody is weird in one way or another in the fact that everybody is different. Nobody is "normal". Normalcy is an illusion. If you even think you're normal, you're weird, lol."


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## AntiAnxiety

DeafBoy36 said:


> Congratulations on earning your degree! I know EXACTLY how you feel. You did it! You did earn a degree even with an anxiety disorder. It's harder for us compared to other students, but it's doable as long as we put our energies into it. There are days that I would have quit, but I thought about this in my head: holding my degree and going to Hawaii (I swore that I wouldn't go there if I didn't graduate and now I have graduated, I'm planning on going there)


Congratulations to you too. It's like watching a good movie and getting to see everything that happens after the happy ending.


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## AntiAnxiety

Ricehead said:


> Congrats on graduating! This was a great story and I enjoyed readying all your responses. This kind of positivity is exactly what I need to fuel my mind.
> 
> I think this is best thing you said.
> 
> "Don't take being weird as an insult. Everybody is weird in one way or another in the fact that everybody is different. Nobody is "normal". Normalcy is an illusion. If you even think you're normal, you're weird, lol."


If you've got something out of this, it means my post was a success. I'm glad.

And that's absolutely 100%. No two people are wired exactly the same.


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## Zalinsky

This was an awesome and inspiring read. It sounds like you made it there by never giving up. I really respect & look up to you for that.


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## AntiAnxiety

Zalinsky said:


> This was an awesome and inspiring read. It sounds like you made it there by never giving up. I really respect & look up to you for that.


I feel honored that you would think of me in that way.

When you refuse to accept anything but success, it's a whole different ballgame.

Also, another little update:

Last day of school ever is today (I'm going back for a Master's/PhD sometime in the future, but I just love the way "last day of school ever" sounds")

Had an interview at a huge company that went great, and I'm currently fielding callbacks from two other companies. Things keep looking better and better.


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## AntiAnxiety

More good news. So, I've been actively searching for a job for the past few weeks so that I wouldn't be sitting around when I graduated. I already briefly mentioned the interview up there. I set up another interview for today. Killed this one too. Interesting thing is that this one was for more money than the first one, but I got the job offer for this one only an hour after the interview. Haven't heard back from the other guys yet.

Point of this post is, I don't think I'd have been able to control these interviews as well as I did if I hadn't worked on my conversation skills as much as I did. Mind you, these weren't just one on one interviews; I spoke to multiple people at once. I was nervous beforehand, but I practically turned them into casual conversations. Made several jokes. Wasn't nervous at all. The Charisma Myth really helped my abilities as well. Before I read that book, I didn't have charisma. I could talk, but not as easily as I do now. To put it simply, this **** works.


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## AntiAnxiety

Short update:

Time has been flying by. Can't believe it's almost November already. I think it's got something to do with me not having to do homework anymore, lol. Been working for just over a month, and I'm about to switch jobs. It's all good right now. No worries at all.


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## inerameia

Nice, man. This OP is inspiring to me. I really want to change. I've gotta start doing things instead of just saying I'll do them. We have thousands of thoughts each day. Looking at all the negativity will naturally affect our quality of thoughts.


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## Sleeper92

Ok bro we get it ,your life is a movie .


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## inerameia

Sleeper92 said:


> Ok bro we get it ,your life is a movie .


Who, me? Sorry, I don't mean to come across that way.


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## AntiAnxiety

Sleeper92 said:


> Ok bro we get it ,your life is a movie .


The fact that you think this could only be something that was written is your problem...


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## Spoonz

Congratz OP, I'm really glad at least one person managed to have some good luck. My situation is a bit different. I got tired of hearing that SA was something to overcome. I see it as a big part of who I am and I don't think any of us should just forget what it was that motivated us to change in the first place. I really value my SA and introversion now. 

Also, I couldn't help but feel that your story was a bit unfair to others with similar aspirations. I'm glad that you're really successful now, but your post just seemed to say that if you could overcome your SA and do great things like that, then there should be no excuse that we shouldn't be able to do things like you have as well, such as graduating a great university, or getting a awesome high paying job. What if I don't really care for those things and just want to live a humble life in a small one bedroom with a job that gets me what I need and allows me to live happily, even if it isn't a ton of money. Is my success any less than yours if that is the case? 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that someone like you, who could understand things from my perspective, seeing as we both have SA, was able to achieve happiness and reach that mountaintop. But your post just kinda made it seem like if our mountaintops aren't as high as yours, or if we didn't put in as much effort to get to that point of feeling accomplished, then our reward is less than yours and the journey and the progress isn't as great.


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## AntiAnxiety

Spoonz said:


> Congratz OP, I'm really glad at least one person managed to have some good luck. My situation is a bit different. I got tired of hearing that SA was something to overcome. I see it as a big part of who I am and I don't think any of us should just forget what it was that motivated us to change in the first place. I really value my SA and introversion now.
> 
> Also, I couldn't help but feel that your story was a bit unfair to others with similar aspirations. I'm glad that you're really successful now, but your post just seemed to say that if you could overcome your SA and do great things like that, then there should be no excuse that we shouldn't be able to do things like you have as well, such as graduating a great university, or getting a awesome high paying job. What if I don't really care for those things and just want to live a humble life in a small one bedroom with a job that gets me what I need and allows me to live happily, even if it isn't a ton of money. Is my success any less than yours if that is the case?
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that someone like you, who could understand things from my perspective, seeing as we both have SA, was able to achieve happiness and reach that mountaintop. But your post just kinda made it seem like if our mountaintops aren't as high as yours, or if we didn't put in as much effort to get to that point of feeling accomplished, then our reward is less than yours and the journey and the progress isn't as great.


I'm sorry you got that impression. My whole point here was, don't let SA stop you from doing what you want in life. For many people, it stops them from doing what they want. I was one of those people at one point. If I have what I want and you have what you want, we are equal in our achievement of happiness. I believe others "could" do exactly what I did, rather than "should", because what I want isn't what everyone else wants. If you're settling because you're appeasing your SA, that's a problem. If you really want the humble lifestyle, which is the case with some people, there's no issue.


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## Spoonz

AntiAnxiety said:


> I'm sorry you got that impression. My whole point here was, don't let SA stop you from doing what you want in life. For many people, it stops them from doing what they want. I was one of those people at one point. If I have what I want and you have what you want, we are equal in our achievement of happiness. I believe others "could" do exactly what I did, rather than "should", because what I want isn't what everyone else wants. If you're settling because you're appeasing your SA, that's a problem. If you really want the humble lifestyle, which is the case with some people, there's no issue.


Thank you for clarifying  I apologize if I seemed confrontational. My journey has been a challenging one as well, when it comes to moving past my insecurities and getting what I want out of life. And honestly, I can't say I care much for a big house, a nice car, lots of money, and a high class job that pays a ton of money. I'm just a practical kind of guy. But I still want to be like you, and reach that personal mountaintop, and be able to come back here and tell others that I was able to do it as well.


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## AntiAnxiety

Spoonz said:


> Thank you for clarifying  I apologize if I seemed confrontational. My journey has been a challenging one as well, when it comes to moving past my insecurities and getting what I want out of life. And honestly, I can't say I care much for a big house, a nice car, lots of money, and a high class job that pays a ton of money. I'm just a practical kind of guy. But I still want to be like you, and reach that personal mountaintop, and be able to come back here and tell others that I was able to do it as well.


Not at all. I see where you're coming from. And I hope you do make it.


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## scubadiver007

AntiAnxiety said:


> I've got it all planned out. I'll be clearing 100 k before 30.


I hope it works out for you because life rarely goes according to plan.


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## Joe

nice to hear you succeeded


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## 7th.Streeter

AntiAnxiety said:


> *It's easy for you to say that it's not possible, so that you don't have to try.* I just got done explaining how I proved it possible. And that's with people trying to stop me as well. I knowingly forced myself into situations where I felt I was going to die. *It took me emptying the contents of my stomach several times, but it was well worth it. *Like I said, you have to want something different. Once you do, nothing will stop you.


Right!


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## millenniumman75

That's right.
That's not just for anxiety, that's for EVERYTHING!


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## AntiAnxiety

scubadiver007 said:


> I hope it works out for you because life rarely goes according to plan.


Thank you. This is true. I may actually be hitting that mark sooner than I thought.


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## Fredypin

Congrats, op. This is a great example of how SA can be cured. It takes time and effort to force yourself to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

_Staff Edit_


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## AntiAnxiety

Two Sides said:


> Congrats, op. This is a great example of how SA can be cured. It takes time and effort to force yourself to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.


Thank you, and I completely agree.


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## gloomy

gj! I'm happy for you


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## AntiAnxiety

Thank you ^_^


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## Anti89

congratulations on finding hope and a future. One day i also hope to also have that same triumph.


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## AntiAnxiety

Thank you. I believe you will.


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## apx24

**** man, how did you make the anxiety go away? Sure, it gets easier, but the anxiety is always still there. I've done presentations, gone to university, I was able to do it despite the nerves (well I didn't have a choice), but I still have the anxiety today. 

Got a job where I had to use the phone 9-5 every day, to try and combat my phone anxiety, managed to do it despite the nerves, yet the phone anxiety is still ****ing here. Got another job where I had to talk to customers and try and sell things, again, managed to do it (despite making a lot of big mistakes) and I still feel uncomfortable. Went and lived and studied in France to try and combat language anxiety, managed to do it, but guess what, anxiety is still ****ing here and I struggle in speaking French, not because of ability, but because I'm too anxious to do so.

I just wish this anxiety would go away. I'm going to try and get some medication, as I believe that is the only way to get rid of this anxiety.

Anyway, congrats on your achievements!


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## ALWAYSLate

Some people's anxiety is harder than others, you said you excelled despite the challenges. It sounds like your anxiety OP is not as bad as you may have thought ofcouse I am only going by what you wrote in your original post, but the problem I face and a lot of people here as well is that the more I push the worse I feel and it deteriorates my mind to the point it is hard to stay sane. I mean I did the college, but throughout it was just a hell coaster that never ended .I never backed out of speech classes, but in the end it is like just barely climbing out of a pit of lions with my clothes ripped apart. It is still like that, even today for a lot of things. Not everyone can advance at the same speed I guess we all have our different degrees of challenges. I would like to assume we all on this site have the mentality to get out of these life inhibiting problems, but were not all going to excel the same unfortunately as that is life. However I am glad your seeing real gains my friend and good luck on some more!


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## AntiAnxiety

ALWAYSLate said:


> Some people's anxiety is harder than others, you said you excelled despite the challenges. It sounds like your anxiety OP is not as bad as you may have thought ofcouse I am only going by what you wrote in your original post, but the problem I face and a lot of people here as well is that the more I push the worse I feel and it deteriorates my mind to the point it is hard to stay sane. I mean I did the college, but throughout it was just a hell coaster that never ended .I never backed out of speech classes, but in the end it is like just barely climbing out of a pit of lions with my clothes ripped apart. It is still like that, even today for a lot of things. Not everyone can advance at the same speed I guess we all have our different degrees of challenges. I would like to assume we all on this site have the mentality to get out of these life inhibiting problems, but were not all going to excel the same unfortunately as that is life. However I am glad your seeing real gains my friend and good luck on some more!


My anxiety had me laying on the floor for hours with paralyzing panic attacks triggered by the thought of allowing myself to be seen by people. I remember I was just a few absences shy of being held back a year and not graduating high school. Not only did I have anxiety, and the inability to interact socially, but I had a huge speech impediment that made me scared to speak as well. I had actual teachers laugh at me when I tried to answer questions. I couldn't even pronounce my own name. We don't really need to get into a who-has-it-worse thing, because it's silly and gets us nowhere. It's not about just doing what you need to do to survive. There's a difference between tolerating it and fighting it. I got sick of tolerating it midway through my second semester. It was like you're saying, just surviving. You have to continuously challenge yourself, and be scientific about it. What can I do to stick it to this thing today? Make a list of everything that's hard for you to do. Figure out what it is about them that makes them so difficult. Research things. What is a conversation? How do I hold one for this long? What role do things like tone and body language play? To this day, I remember having experiences that make me shudder just to think about them, LOL. You fail again and again so that you can move closer and closer to success.


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