# Been at my work 4 months and still havent spoken to anyone...Advice



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I work at a desk job. Just typing at a computer basically (fun :blank). Been doing it for 4 months. I hate it. it would be fun if I had a friendly team, but I don't.. no-one talks at my job.

The men that I sit around with I've barely said 3 words to them. They probably think I'm a weird mute. I dont know what to say or how to start conversation! I feel that i sit with them 7 hours a day I may as well know them!!

I dont know anyone in my office. its weird because all my jobs i've worked at were friendly social teams where we talk alot. I feel like a ghost here. I dont know how to start conversation with anyone. Or :susshould i even start convo? *Would you do that?*

i cant relate to anyone. theyre all quite old, with familes or wives and husbands. I'm not on their wave lenght at all.:|

Because i'm so used to not talking here i don't even know how to speak, it usually comes out in a stutter or a squek. So how i would start a convo i do not know!!


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I'm not going to lie, it would have been much better and easier if you'd broken the ice straight away. But this is like a plaster, you need to rip it off (even if it has been left on too long.)

I assume you know a bit about them maybe from overhearing their conversations? Do you think there's anything that you have in common with them that you could join in with when they start talking? It's better if it's something you're also interested in because you'll be able to say more than if you're not that interested in what they're talking about.

^ if not, then maybe just start off by saying hi to them, and ask how their weekend was (if at the start of the week and if you get weekends off?) or evening. You could also ask them if they want a drink if you have like an area to make coffee/tea. Though I'd start off with the saying hi to them in general thing before moving to that personally. They'll find it a little odd to start with I'm sure because you've not spoken to them, but unless they're complete d***s (and most people really aren't that bad) I'm sure they won't make too big a deal out of it.

It's OK that you don't relate to them, that happens a lot with large age gaps and such and even without age gaps when you're working with people who might be completely different to you. You don't have to make best friends with them if you don't want to.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

i thought i was only going to be there a month so thought there was no reason in speaking to them

i thought they should be the ones getting to know me after all i'm new so it's only fair.

i dont know how i should start arsking those questions now after all this time!!


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## ivy21 (Sep 30, 2012)

You could just start out with saying hi. You could talk to them about sports or a television show. Sometimes if I trip over my words I will tell them it's just been one of those days and sometimes that will lead into a conversation.


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## flavioa19 (Apr 9, 2014)

I honestly just registered on this forum just to try to help you out. hahah

It's simple, say "hi". Now some here might think that's something easy to do. But I'll be honest, it's going to be the most awkward "hi" of your life. You might even end up sounding like Tarzan. That would only make your chances of becoming friends with your coworkers lower.

So before saying "hi", I think you should start by just nodding to your coworkers everyday. A simple nod and that's it. Achievement of the day. Don't expect an answer. Just nod everyday. Once you get used to it and few comfortable with your head-nodding skills, start saying "hi" after the nod. It'll be much easier and you'll definitely sound like a human being, I guarantee that.

After a while, once you become a Master of the Way of the Hi; start using the more complicated sentences like "good morning / good evening / etc". The next step after that would start making questions, like "how are you?". That's how you make friends the safe way.

And a definitive tip: People like to talk about themselves; once you get them to tell you how they are. The day will come when one of them will eventually randomly vent about their day with you. Let them talk and don't talk about yourself; keep your narcissism to a minimum and feed theirs. They'll love it and want to talk to you more. Because you are a Listener. Here is a good moment to say "What's your name again? I'm sorry but I can't remember" if you don't know their name. Eventually you'll become friends and once you are intimate enough, tell them how hard the first months were and that you had no idea how to talk to them.

It's easy if you move slowly and cautiously on your own time. Never push things too fast too soon or you might have a nervous breakdown.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

Just talk to them.....and be positive its as simple as that


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Well thanks for joining cuz of me!!!

I do say hi to them when I can. When I come in in the morning I say hi and they say hi back. Sometimes they look too busy or don't look at me when I walk in so I don't disturb them. I feel rude when I do that

They never ask me how I am, when I sneeze they don't even say bless yew


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

Sounds like a dream come true to me. But then again, I hate work environments where I'm forced to socialise.

On the bright side, since no one seems to speak to each other, at least you won't get pushed out because of dumb office politics.

I wish where I used to work was like this.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Theres this guy i've been sitting diagonally opposite for 4 months (so we can see each others faces all the time). 

He never speaks to me

And i never speak to him

I feel like i should say something since we're always close

I dont know what to say!!

i feel like saying "look should i try to make conversation with you or not?" because he's quiet as well so maybe he likes the fact that none of us talk?


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## loneliness (Oct 3, 2013)

I wish I could work at a place like that - where everyone just shuts the **** up.


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Theres this guy i've been sitting diagonally opposite for 4 months (so we can see each others faces all the time).
> 
> He never speaks to me
> 
> ...


Well it's better not to force it during work. I mean you can, but it's usually more awkward then than not.

And not to repeat myself, but what loneiness said. I can only dream of an environment as work focused as that even if it seems a bit cold. As long as it's not where everyone's chatting it up except me. Now that's when it sucks.

But maybe try engaging in work related talk during your brake just to get the ball rolling eventually. I'd probably be terrified that I'd mess things up, but I suppose it couldn't hurt.


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## DomeAloud (Mar 8, 2014)

loneliness said:


> I wish I could work at a place like that - where everyone just shuts the **** up.


This. My co-workers are really extroverted and they expect me to say something funny but I just don't know what? It's so annoying. Especially when I'm in a shift with just one more person. Silence.

I don't know what to contribute to your thread since I'm in the same situation. Stay strong, say hi and do your work. At least your not the only quiet person there.


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## randomperson86 (Apr 22, 2014)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> i thought i was only going to be there a month so thought there was no reason in speaking to them
> 
> i thought they should be the ones getting to know me after all i'm new so it's only fair.
> 
> i dont know how i should start arsking those questions now after all this time!!


Just curious. Why did you think you were only going to be there a month?


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## itsocietynotyou (Apr 23, 2014)

You found a job where there isn't much talking, the least likely reason is you being and introvert, shy, or SA since you want a lot of talking like you use to have..


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

People are going to think you're a weirdo if you just go to work and don't talk to anyone. You could at least say hi.


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## TheLastDreamer (Mar 27, 2014)

I am the same. I just go to work like a zombie, sit at the computer, do my own thing and come back home.

One reason is I don't speak their language and can't understand their conversations either. And the only way to escape the misery is to QUIT!!! 

You can try other opportunities where people are more friendly. But if you are good at your job, I would say that you can stay and probably find someone to talk to...maybe when you are having lunch in the canteen, you can find many people who are like you.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> I work at a desk job. Just typing at a computer basically (fun :blank). Been doing it for 4 months. I hate it. it would be fun if I had a friendly team, but I don't.. no-one talks at my job.
> 
> The men that I sit around with I've barely said 3 words to them. They probably think I'm a weird mute. I dont know what to say or how to start conversation! I feel that i sit with them 7 hours a day I may as well know them!!
> 
> ...


This is like my dream job man. I wish I had a job like this. What do you do in this job? How does your boss or your employer react to this? How does your co-worker react to this? What do they say about you behind your back?


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Hey guys, I'm bumping this as it's still a problem. I speak abit more to them, but I literally only say 5 words a day. I hate it so much :cry. But imagine this right! You're sat in a room with 4 people you have LITERALLY NOTHING IN COMMON WITH. Like you would have stuff to say!? I do say hi/bye but it really is hard to say anything else.

I feel so much social pressure to perform but what can i do :cry :cry I dont understand why they dont talk to me. i'm cool and trendy and cute, whats not to love about me?


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Hey guys, I'm bumping this as it's still a problem. I speak abit more to them, but I literally only say 5 words a day. I hate it so much :cry. But imagine this right! *You're sat in a room with 4 people you have LITERALLY NOTHING IN COMMON WITH*. Like you would have stuff to say!? I do say hi/bye but it really is hard to say anything else.
> 
> I feel so much social pressure to perform but what can i do :cry :cry I dont understand why they dont talk to me. i'm cool and trendy and cute, whats not to love about me?


I don't need to imagine that, your describing my workplace, sat in an office with 3-5 women depending on the day. They talk about clothes/fashion/fake tanning (yuk)..men...babies...****ing..eastenders. Not a single topic I can relate to, ever, then they occasionally slag off facial hair while I sit there stroking my beard :sus

I've gone days without saying a single world, and I mean not a single one, not even hi or bye, I sometimes wonder if the way I am is going to get me sacked but then whos arse would they stick the broom up, i mean **** I'm doing everything else..

Swear I'd already responded to this, the longer you leave it the more awkward its going to be, obviously. the boat sailed long ago at my place its about 8 months now, thing is I did actually get on with one of them..but she went and bloody left, she was a semi geek, it was good enough for me! I'd be alright if they got someone in who I could at least half relate to..

Didn't you say you hated people...why does it matter if your not talking? I'm confused :blank


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

anomnomnom said:


> I don't need to imagine that, your describing my workplace, sat in an office with 3-5 women depending on the day. They talk about clothes/fashion/fake tanning (yuk)..men...babies...****ing..eastenders. Not a single topic I can relate to, ever, then they occasionally slag off facial hair while I sit there stroking my beard :sus
> 
> I've gone days without saying a single world, and I mean not a single one, not even hi or bye, I sometimes wonder if the way I am is going to get me sacked but then whos arse would they stick the broom up, i mean **** I'm doing everything else..
> 
> ...


errr I wish we could swap, I'd be able to talk to those women. So are we in the same boat then? You havent spoken in months either?

These guys barely talk at all though... they talk about football sometimes and their kids.. but I have nothing to say about that so I leave them to it.

I know I hate people but I feel social pressure to make conversation, and it's giving me social anxiety. Everyday when i go in I think *ask them how they are ask them how they are* but my SA won't let me


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

prettyful said:


> People are going to think you're a weirdo if you just go to work and don't talk to anyone. You could at least say hi.


Well I can apply that same logic to them as they don't say hi to me either. We're all weirdos! Woo woo!!


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> errr I wish we could swap, I'd be able to talk to those women. So are we in the same boat then? You havent spoken in months either?
> 
> These guys barely talk at all though... they talk about football sometimes and their kids.. but I have nothing to say about that so I leave them to it.
> 
> I know I hate people but I feel social pressure to make conversation, and it's giving me social anxiety. Everyday when i go in I think *ask them how they are ask them how they are* but my SA won't let me


Yep, same boat

and you can have them!

Surely if they "barely talk" you would feel less obliged to talk yourself? Sometimes I feel bad for not joining in because these women are super chatty..I feel quite ignorant and rude at them moments (not that I can exactly chip in when its a heated discussion about hair styles) , but other times when everyones quiet apart from the odd word it feels like my silence doesnt stand out as much!

If I can't have people I have stuff in common with I'd rather have a load of quiet sods so we can all slowly suffer in peace till 5! I'd be no better off at your place by the sounds of it, I don't care for kids and I don't care for football.

I have the last bit though, I feel I should "make the effort" and ask them what they did over the weekend, sometimes I actually do..then they go on about how they did some gardening and bought some new curtains and I feel like putting my head through a window


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## catfreak1991 (May 24, 2014)

prettyful said:


> People are going to think you're a weirdo if you just go to work and don't talk to anyone. You could at least say hi.


I was kicked out of a support group on the accusations of inappropriate comments. I say go to work, do the job, get your check and leave. There's plenty of other social avenues to explore beyond the workplace.


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