# You don't have any friends.



## iuseings (Nov 11, 2009)

I've never had a lot of friends throughout my life but every time I had friends or was friends with someone they'll always say "you don't have any friends" to me... and it hurt and I'd always wonder... I spend all my time hanging out with this person and they turn around some day and say 'I don't have any friends' in a passive context or condescending matter. I probably lost 3 friends throughout my life because they started to say that I didn't have friends... maybe they meant I wasn't being socialable or I wasn't trying to make new friends but my friendships always dissolved this way or in some other displeasing way. 
Maybe it was because I got into stouts of depression/despondency... but I don't know...
But it's something I'm really self-conscious of now.
I think I have a fear of approaching people and being criticized for not having friends... fear of making friends with someone for them to only realize I don't. 
Anyone else experience this?


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## jman22 (Jan 26, 2010)

This was the exact reason why I never dated anyone in high school, or had any real friends till' my senior year. I was so afraid of trying to make friends with someone only to have them avoid me because I didn't have friends.

I know exactly how you feel.


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

It's sad that your friend says you have no friends. Then who are they? It's not a good reflection of them if being your friend means they have access to more friends. 
Sorry if that doesn't make sense, but it seems like they want numbers not real friends.
Give me one good friend over dozens of acqaintenances any day.


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## iuseings (Nov 11, 2009)

D11 said:


> It's sad that your friend says you have no friends. Then who are they? It's not a good reflection of them if being your friend means they have access to more friends.
> Sorry if that doesn't make sense, but it seems like they want numbers not real friends.
> Give me one good friend over dozens of acqaintenances any day.


Since it happens so often in my life... I don't really blame the person as much I see it as some sort of reflection on myself. I know alot of people like to be friends with people to meet others, and I've done that enough... since I'm not really good at meeting people on my own.. I did this... and it once got a backlash from a friend who I was doing that with. She said the title of the post to me (lol) and told me to get my own friends... I ended up being close friends with some of her friends however.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

iuseings said:


> I've never had a lot of friends throughout my life but every time I had friends or was friends with someone they'll always say *"you don't have any friends"* to me...
> 
> Anyone else experience this?


I suspect you'll find that a great many members of SAS have had this experience.

Having numerous friends is the norm. Many with SA have few or even none at all. This puts us outside the norm and when you're outside the bounds of average this tends to attract attention and unwanted questions. Having no friends is like being 7 feet tall -- it very much stands out and you can expect questions on it.

There is also the issue of how do you make friends when you have none? Friends tend to introduce you to their friends who in turn introduce you to their friends and the cycle continues till you end up with a whole collection of friends. But where do you start when you have nobody to introduce you to anybody? And if you do manage to make a friend, say on SAS, odds are they don't have many to introduce you to as they have SA and have hardly any friends either.

It's a real catch 22. You need friends to make friends.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Apparently you are running into people that are into social status rather than real intimacy and caring.


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## letitrock (Jan 10, 2009)

iuseings said:


> I've never had a lot of friends throughout my life but every time I had friends or was friends with someone they'll always say "you don't have any friends" to me... and it hurt and I'd always wonder... I spend all my time hanging out with this person and they turn around some day and say 'I don't have any friends' in a passive context or condescending matter. I probably lost 3 friends throughout my life because they started to say that I didn't have friends... maybe they meant I wasn't being socialable or I wasn't trying to make new friends but my friendships always dissolved this way or in some other displeasing way.


OMG

This is what I'm afraid of, this is what scares me about making friends is them noticing how I have ZERO friends


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## Whimsical Thought (Dec 13, 2008)

letitrock said:


> OMG
> 
> This is what I'm afraid of, this is what scares me about making friends is them noticing how I have ZERO friends


Same.

I've had people ask me who am I friends with and all I can ever say is "I don't know..." Which is probably worse than just replying with "I don't have any." :sus


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## Blackhole105 (Nov 28, 2007)

This is pretty much me at college. Having no friends has basically stopped me from trying to make friends due to my fear of being found out or whatever.

None of us should care though. It's like some post above me says, why should we even want to be friends with such shallow people.


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## Stargirl09 (Dec 14, 2009)

My tutors and some of my classmates have said 'don't you have any friends?' to me, I've also heard it from my neighbours and people from the social group I went to, one said 'how come your always on your own'.

I do feel a bit sad when I think about it, it almost makes me want to cry but it must have got to the point where I just don't notice.

I never thought it reflected that badly on me cos I though everyone can see I'm not really a scaredy cat, they'll see I'm a nice person and I try let that shine through, I'm always genuine, if a tourist wants directions I'll walk with them to the destination if it's not too far or the other day I helped someone out and got a free bus ride out of it, the guy in question wanted me to sit with him while we got into town but I couldn't.

I can make friends if I absolutely have to but I can't speak or help them out for long. Times when I've been to clubs and bars on my own when the so-called friends haven't shown up I've always left with someone, maybe more than one person and I've certainly always been uber nice and meant it cos I like people.

So yes, I hope people who see me regularly can remember rare and fleeting moments when I've been delightfully friendly to a stranger so they can see I'm not repellent, never forget that people would probably rather get to know you than judge you but we don't give them much choice.


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## kelly0205 (Jan 28, 2010)

Someone who says "you don't have any friends" has a serious character flaw. Being hurt by this comment is totally normal.


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## Catty (Jan 4, 2010)

It's really unfair when others judge you and feel mean to you because you haven't got a massive set of friends. They must be shallow people anyway who look at friends as toys. :no


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Well I've had a couple of good friends, but none right now to speak of. Nobodies ever said "you don't have any friends" to me, but in my most recent job some colleagues used to say "at least I have friends, unlike you" to me which made me feel down.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

In college it seems that almost everyone I meet is a social-ladder climber. The twats only make friends to make more friends, so it seems. Luckily, there are a handful that aren't like that. Thank God for them.


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## deedee3559 (Oct 22, 2010)

*The problem is them*

I have the same problem making new friends. I can think of a few reasons why that is the case. The major one is being shy. But overall, I think that it's probably that the problem is with 'them' and not me. How many people have you met who aren't envious of you for whatever the reason may be? How many didn't brag about what they have? How many never stabbed you in the back? These are the reasons why some of us put up a wall. So, maybe they are the problem and not us:clap.


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## jagmusic (Oct 18, 2010)

I am really picky about people I will be friends with, so like even if there is an opportunity to meet a friend I might not if I don't think we will get along. Also I have always only had like 2 or 3 close friends, and after I have my 2 or 3 close friends it's like I put up a wall. No vacancy, all the friend positions have been filled. As of now I have lived here for 2 years and have No Friends.


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## chriswatch (Oct 6, 2010)

Sunshine009 said:


> Apparently you are running into people that are into social status rather than real intimacy and caring.


You couldn't be more right. And what is so sad is that so many people are like that.


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## chichi (Oct 22, 2010)

i have an older cousin who always calls me a hermit and says come hang out with me since you don't have any friends...it hurts really bad for him to say that all of the time..and makes me seclude more..
I can't make any friends because I find something wrong with everyone...usually without real cause..just to make myself feel better for not having the courage to talk them..anyone else feel this?


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## vidory (Sep 25, 2010)

I have no friends either...ive had exactly three real friends in my life, all of them before junior high, and all of them in a different country. and that's why i hate not having friends because i remember how fun it was to have them.


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## kid a (Aug 26, 2010)

Yeah, i hate this feeling. Even though my last friend didnt say it i knew she thought it. why did i always hang out with her? i was so jealous because she had so many other friends and she was my only friend. Its hard to keep one friend that knows you have no other friends. I wish a whole group would just become my friends at once , thatd be awesome but impossible because people are so cliquey and mean : (


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## nycdude (Mar 20, 2010)

letitrock said:


> OMG
> 
> This is what I'm afraid of, this is what scares me about making friends is them noticing how I have ZERO friends


Same, i remember a while back me and my brother were talking about school and stuff and all of a sudden he said " you don't have any friends" in a public place and it really hurt me. i got so nervous that i thought everyone heard it in the waiting area. if i had a friend that i knew did not have any friends or close friends i would never say anything like that.


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## Beryl (Jan 9, 2007)

I get the you don't have any friends all the time. Plus the hes a loser, from my "friends" and family.


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## fixmein45 (Jul 9, 2009)

I definitely find it embarrassing that I don't have any friends, which I think hurts more than the actual not having of friends (I'm an introvert). I think though, however, that they are just concerned and/or teasing you, but don't actually dislike or look down upon you for not having many friends.


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## ZeroG64 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maybe those of us without many/any friends and who want to have friends should exchange MSN addys and chat there, at least we all having something in common and we could help each other on a day to day basis. 

If anyone wants to add me I'll update my MSN in my profile.


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## ki11rang3r (Mar 15, 2011)

Hey man. I wanted to let you know that the one and only who has power upon this is The God. Not any god, The God. Talk to Him. Believe me it helps. You can pay attention to every word, observe any action, or movement the 'popular guy' does, and you still won't make as much friends, because everything is between the hands of The God. 
Trust me, I experienced it, and got out of it, without having any depression, at all. Now I have friends, I just don't know what I did, or what I didn't, it just happened. You just gotta pray, my friend.  God knows what's good for you, and might give you what you need.


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

Beryl said:


> I get the you don't have any friends all the time. Plus the hes a loser, from my "friends" and family.


Your family calls you a loser? Wow, I'm sorry you have to go through that. That's beyond messed up that they do that.


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## yomrwhite (Feb 26, 2011)

fixmein45 said:


> I definitely find it embarrassing that I don't have any friends, which I think hurts more than the actual not having of friends (I'm an introvert). I think though, however, that they are just concerned and/or teasing you, but don't actually dislike or look down upon you for not having many friends.





> Yeah, i hate this feeling. Even though my last friend didnt say it i knew she thought it. why did i always hang out with her? i was so jealous because she had so many other friends and she was my only friend. Its hard to keep one friend that knows you have no other friends. I wish a whole group would just become my friends at once , thatd be awesome but impossible because people are so cliquey and mean


african-americans with SA? now i've seen everything!

not to be racist


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## DistinctlyAmbiguous (Aug 23, 2009)

Expendable friends are a dime a dozen. It really sucks when long term friends start acting like this, with all the protected information they may know, it doesn't matter.


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I know I am very lucky for the fact that I can't say I don't have any friends. I have one very close friend who lives in another country, but she knows about all my problems and the fact that I don't have any/many friends. I am very lucky to have a friend who in fact encourages me to go out there and meet people but still accepts me as I am. 

Beside my one close friend whom I see once every 2-3 years, in my day-to-day life, I have no friends I hang out with. At times I get really sad because there is so much I would want to do and I always feel like people stare at me if I go to places (i.e. museums, cafes, movies) on my own. My fear of people kicks in very badly at times like those too. 

On the other hand, there is this acceptance I feel deep inside about the fact that I am just not here on earth to connect with people. I feel very connected to animals. I feel like the happiest person alive when I am alone with my cats or whenever I go out to feed birds, ducks etc. I might not have any human friends, but I am very happy I have cat/dog/bird/duck/goose etc. friends


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## fictionmachine (Feb 16, 2011)

Just let them go. As for the friends who left, I tend to think it's because they don't really fit me. For now, I just befriend people who are willing to be with me, and tho sometimes they say not-so-nice things, I decided to give them some time to see if they really are that bad or not. Turns out, no, they're alright, they stick with me and act real nice, despite of something they said once.

So, maybe your friends are shallow, maybe not. Because they might not really mean it, or they might do. You might consider to see other things they do to you. If they fit you, they'll stick with you. If they don't, well, let's see if we can bump into another worthy friends 

Good luck!


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

I think, depending on what you want socially, you have two options. The first is to stop being friends with people who are judgemental about not having a lot of friends. This means you will be a able to maintain a small circle or a few friends who understand where you are right now and won't make fun of you. If you want a lot of friends and a lot of people to like you than I think you should laugh off this kind of criticism. People who are very social will see you as "at the bottom" socially and you will have to climb your way up and endure the tough times of starting at the bottom socially. But if you only want a couple of friends you don't have to put up with this kind of stuff.
In my experience these comments hurt, but I can't lash out at people for saying stuff like this. I have spent a lot of my life as a loner so in many way these observations are true. Yes it hurts my ego, but turning away everyone that has something critical to say will only leave me hypersensitive and alone.


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## NumeroUno (Oct 23, 2009)

I actually could care-less about friends. In school I had ''friends'' and we'd hang out all the time but it got to a point where I left school and apart from 2 or 3 people every now and then I isolated myself, which imo I enjoyed. I never craved friendship. Since I moved across the country for a total new start, I have like 2 mutual friends through my girlfriends friends and even then I do anything not to see them, I have no desire to befriend anyone, I find it hassle. Which is a bad thing because when I'm not doing my awkward SA thing, people gravitate towards me and want to be my friend. Which annoys me immensely. Meh.


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## reliefseeker (Jul 21, 2010)

It's been years since i have true friends though. The ones that I have left are either two-faced, or can't be bothered, other than that, I had no one to talk to. 
And I'm starting to feel a bit ashamed of myself for not having any friends, it makes me look miserable in front of people. Its horrible. I really wish people would stop making fun/look down on loners. It's not like we had done something wrong to deserve this.


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

The same thing is happening to me at college. I had this one acquaintance two semesters ago, and she was all about social status. She kept wondering about how many friends I had and I lied about it and told her I had a lot of friends that lived by my house. 

I knew that she would never find out so it was fine. But I don't suggest lying to people who truly care. Real friends would never judge you by your lack of friends. It just really hard meeting genuine people though.


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## IntotheVoid (Jul 25, 2011)

This is my problem. No friends and afraid to make friends for fear that they'll find out that I don't have any friends. It really sucks because I live in New York and it seems like everyone has friends. Everyone always has some place to go with a group of friends on the weekend. 

I was even like this in High School. I transferred during my Sophomore year and I was afraid to make friends because I went to an alternative school and it seemed that everyone had friends from their previous schools. I did make a couple of friends but depression and Body Dysmorphia caused me to cut them off. Now I don't have the body dysmorphia anymore, I haven't for a couple of years now but I still haven't managed to make any lasting friendships. I really want to fix this. I don't need many friends, it'd be ideal to have 2 or 3 but I would not be apposed to just 1.


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## dannyboy149 (May 19, 2012)

*where to go?*

I need to make some friends but I don't really have anywhere to go to meet people. It feels like you have to have friends to make new ones. I've lost a lot over the years due to substance abuse and now I'm clean again I don't know where to go on my own to engage with people (alot of the friends I still have are largely junkies so can't go to them). I just seem to sit home alone with no-one to talk to, which is what I used to do before but now I don't get high which I guess is summit.


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## PaulSanders (Feb 26, 2012)

iuseings said:


> I've never had a lot of friends throughout my life but every time I had friends or was friends with someone they'll always say "you don't have any friends" to me... and it hurt and I'd always wonder... I spend all my time hanging out with this person and they turn around some day and say 'I don't have any friends' in a passive context or condescending matter. I probably lost 3 friends throughout my life because they started to say that I didn't have friends... maybe they meant I wasn't being socialable or I wasn't trying to make new friends but my friendships always dissolved this way or in some other displeasing way.
> Maybe it was because I got into stouts of depression/despondency... but I don't know...
> But it's something I'm really self-conscious of now.
> I think I have a fear of approaching people and being criticized for not having friends... fear of making friends with someone for them to only realize I don't.
> Anyone else experience this?


Maybe you're not skilled at hiding the fact that you don't have friends.

Nobody wants to be the friend of the friendless.

So you have to hide the fact that you have no friends, until you have many friends, then you're not friendless anymore.

Maybe you got "caught" because you only stayed with ONE friend at a time. If you had a few, no one of them could accuse you of not having friends.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Sometimes I look at the pictures of my facebook friends, and see them having fun and at parties. And I wonder why I wasn't invited? 

Life sucks.


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## PaulSanders (Feb 26, 2012)

dannyboy149 said:


> I need to make some friends but I don't really have anywhere to go to meet people. It feels like you have to have friends to make new ones. I've lost a lot over the years due to substance abuse and now I'm clean again I don't know where to go on my own to engage with people (alot of the friends I still have are largely junkies so can't go to them). I just seem to sit home alone with no-one to talk to, which is what I used to do before but now I don't get high which I guess is summit.


Congrats for not getting high anymore. I think you did a great service to your body.

Yes, it FEELS like you have to have friends to make new ones. But it's not true!

Where to go to meet friends : That depends on what you do in life.
Are you in college? Do you have any hobbies? Are you interested in having new hobbies to FILL the time you used to spend looking for/using substances?

If you wanna look around and see what people are doing in your area, try meetup.com :

http://www.meetup.com/find/?userFreeform=Manchester&radius=10&radiusSet=true&show=results&sort=default&keywords=&mcName=Manchester%2C+Royaume-Uni&userFreeform=Manchester&mcId=&lat=53.47925&lon=-2.247926&gcResults=&op=search&sort=default&resetgeo=true&events=&show=results

-Paul Sanders


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## Chandan (Mar 4, 2012)

the next time someone asks you if you have any friends,just say "I'm friends with Jesus" :teeth


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## Chandan (Mar 4, 2012)

^ was just a joke.But seriously I've found that deflecting such awkward questions with some silly funny remark stops people from asking such questions again.


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## setmefree2 (Aug 14, 2012)

I have some friends but I don't see them very often. We used to be much better friends, but since I got together with my boyfriend I've been isolating myself more and more from everyone else.

I think I could have more friends, but I often push people away from me. I want to have friends, but I have this fear of being overwhelmed, of having more friends than I can handle. I'm scared of too many phonecalls, too many places to be, too many to keep track of and care about and try to please. Too many commitments. I'm such a perfectionist and I always try to act the way I think people want me to act, so social interaction is usually exhausting to me. Does anyone feel the same?


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## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

Yep I felt the exact same way freshman year of college. I was afraid of being judged for it. I knew it would hurt to be told that because it reminded me of the loneliness, hopelessness, and the feeling that I didn't deserve friends caused by a lack of friends. It was a trigger phrase that I always watched out for when attempting to be more friendly with classmates.

During December I was talking to a classmate who usually sits next to me once when they mentioned a winter holiday university activity. They said I should go and bring friends along which made me feel awful because I didn't have any :rain. I didn't want to have to explain that to them though because they were one of the few people who had a similar way of thinking / attitude. We both thought the same things were funny in class and were both bio majors. Besides not wanting the issue to come up, I was also wary of appearing mentally ill. I didn't want to scare them off and think I was "crazy" just because of my issues. And in labs I didn't want to be seen as academically incompetent because all my life I was brainwashed with the fact that people in college and university are smart and complete extremely difficult work :sigh.



Chandan said:


> the next time someone asks you if you have any friends,just say "I'm friends with Jesus" :teeth


 If the person is religious. If not then you will get: :um


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've haven't had any friends since i was 12. In high school I always ate lunch alone and I had a few people that I would talk to. One day a couple of them asked me to say something to another one of their friends. What it was I can't remember but he got mad and wanted to fight with me. They started to laugh and it was then that I realized that I didn't have any friends at all. 

My time in high school was when I started to have very bad anxiety. I remember one of my teachers saying that later in your life you will miss the time that you were in high school. I thought to myself there would be no way that I would ever miss the hell that I went through in high school.

Now thinking about it I definitely don't miss those times. I was made fun of because I stuttered, which has improved over the years. I still stutter sometimes on the phone but I usually don't when I'm talking to someone face to face. I'm still nervous but at least I don't get made fun of like I was in high school.


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## kc1296426 (Feb 18, 2012)

ravens said:


> I've haven't had any friends since i was 12. In high school I always ate lunch alone and I had a few people that I would talk to. One day a couple of them asked me to say something to another one of their friends. What it was I can't remember but he got mad and wanted to fight with me. They started to laugh and it was then that I realized that I didn't have any friends at all.
> 
> My time in high school was when I started to have very bad anxiety. I remember one of my teachers saying that later in your life you will miss the time that you were in high school. I thought to myself there would be no way that I would ever miss the hell that I went through in high school.
> 
> Now thinking about it I definitely don't miss those times. I was made fun of because I stuttered, which has improved over the years. I still stutter sometimes on the phone but I usually don't when I'm talking to someone face to face. I'm still nervous but at least I don't get made fun of like I was in high school.


You are doing better now I assume right? Keep trying to get help and seeking professional help and everything will be okay  Life is good and I'm sure you have people you can go too now. Forget high school, it was awkward and hell for anyone who was in high school.


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