# Intimidated by Beauty



## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Typically, I have no problem talking to girls. However, when I'm near a girl that I find _seriously _attractive, I freeze up and feel like an awkward thirteen-year-old. I'm not sure why... I think that I view beautiful girls as somehow being out of reach. I feel inferior to them. I think 'what would a girl that gorgeous ever want to do with me?' This only applies to a handful of girls at my university, but obviously those are the girls I _want _to interact with. This issue is seriously impeding my love life, which is why I posted it in this forum. Does anyone else experience something like this? Do you know why? How do you deal with it?

By the way, if anyone's heard the song 'Creep' by Radiohead, it expresses my sentiments almost perfectly.


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## JRob (Apr 22, 2006)

:ditto 

I think everyone with (SAS) feels this way, because we are focusing on the negtive things about us, and how much better they look then you do. But, my best advice would to be treat them like you would any girl, there all girls.. Some might be better to look at, but they all think the same in some way.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Nicolay said:


> Typically, I have no problem talking to girls. However, when I'm near a girl that I find _seriously _attractive, I freeze up and feel like an awkward thirteen-year-old. I'm not sure why... I think that I view beautiful girls as somehow being out of reach. I feel inferior to them. I think 'what would a girl that gorgeous ever want to do with me?' This only applies to a handful of girls at my university, but obviously those are the girls I _want _to interact with. This issue is seriously impeding my love life, which is why I posted it in this forum. Does anyone else experience something like this? Do you know why? How do you deal with it?
> 
> By the way, if anyone's heard the song 'Creep' by Radiohead, it expresses my sentiments almost perfectly.


Haven't heard the song. Honestly dude like I said in the photo area you have some intangible trait about you that is positive and drawing. I'd say the feeling you're getting is probably the most hindering thing to your love life. I have a hard time starting conversations with women in class so I know how you're feeling. One of my biggest fears is starting a conversation and it dieing with both people just sitting there or standing there. That's such an awkward position for me.

At least you only freeze up against girls you find attractive I tend to freeze up around any women. My school honestly consists of countless hot hot girls, rarely are they in my classes, lol. There's one in particular that I hope I run into again but so many people go to the school it's like a needle in a hay stack and her degree is in science which I'm not. From hearing things she said in class and talking to her, her views and morals are much like mine. She just happens to be physically very hot, which sucks for me because I'm sure she has 10 guy chasing her at the same time until she opens her mouth then I'm sure most in my area would run away, lol.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

This explains why the _second_ hottest girl in the room is more likely to get asked out. The other one is just for fantasizing.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Knock them off of their pedestals. They don't deserve to be up there. There isn't anything special about attractive people except that I want to f--k the attractive girls. Some attractive girls have really ugly personalities. I remember one girl that I fantasized about, but when I met her and began hanging out with her I began despising her. Her personality was intolerable.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Yup, but I feel intimidated by both attractive sexes.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

Cerberus said:


> Knock them off of their pedestals.


as soon as i read that line, i instantly started cracking up.

I was SEARCHING INTENSIVELY for a link to the classic RonaldKia 'pu$$Y on a pedestal' post, but alas, it was not to be. Anyone remember that from last august or september?


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

Even though I'm a girl... I feel like all guys are out of reach. And I'm afraid of approaching attractive guys because I feel like they are all extraverts and won't like me anyway. Scratch that, I don't approach guys no matter what they look like. Except for one, who I practically fell in love with, but lo and behold he was taken.

I think we (as people with AS) should be looking for friendships before relationships. I find that I can talk to a guy if I'm just looking to be friendly with no expectations. And I figure if something more comes out of that friendship then great... you know, a one step at a time sort of thing.


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## Amnesiac (Sep 6, 2006)

Cerberus said:


> Knock them off of their pedestals. They don't deserve to be up there. There isn't anything special about attractive people except that I want to f--k the attractive girls. Some attractive girls have really ugly personalities. I remember one girl that I fantasized about, but when I met her and began hanging out with her I began despising her. Her personality was intolerable.


Wow that's a bit harsh.

But I can say that my worst relationship was probably the one with the most attractive girl I dated. I only asked her basically based on her looks and nothing else.

Looks get outdated after the few couple dates although we were together for a several months. To have a good relationship, it has to go beyond just looks.

I also agree with Restless Mind, I remember that the hottest girl in HS went out with someone many people in my HS considered out of her league. Mainly because everybody else was either too afraid to ask her out or the ones that did just wanted her to bang her for credit and nothing else. All the girls also hated her and talked so much **** behind her back. It was kind of funny because when she walked by all the guys would be like "woah" and the girls would whisper "****" even though she wasn't.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

instil said:


> I was SEARCHING INTENSIVELY for a link to the classic RonaldKia 'pu$$Y on a pedestal' post, but alas, it was not to be. Anyone remember that from last august or september?


hmm I must've somehow missed that one. Sounds like it was a fun thread though.

Those mods must've got to it before my innocent eyes saw it. :wife


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Equisgurl said:


> Yup, but I feel intimidated by both attractive sexes.


 :ditto


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Message said:


> Even though I'm a girl... I feel like all guys are out of reach. And I'm afraid of approaching attractive guys because I feel like they are all extraverts and won't like me anyway. Scratch that, I don't approach guys no matter what they look like. Except for one, who I practically fell in love with, but lo and behold he was taken.
> 
> I think we (as people with AS) should be looking for friendships before relationships. I find that I can talk to a guy if I'm just looking to be friendly with no expectations. And I figure if something more comes out of that friendship then great... you know, a one step at a time sort of thing.


Probably because I'm a guy but I don't think guys are as picky as women may think. But at the same time I'm not saying it's easy to find a good guy.

I would agree with your friendship thing but for guys it creates various problems. Once a guy becomes a friend I'm sure you've heard it, he's put in the friends zone. Once there he's got little chance. The other issue would be once I mentally realize I'm going for something more than a basic friendship my anxiety would more than likely hit me super hard. I don't want to mess up my shot for going beyond a basic friendship and this thought process would wreck me. The third issue is I don't really make girl friends easily. usually it is more by force than a voluntary thing. And now that I think of it I wouldn't consider any of them really friends but more like acquaintances. Women really tend to keep distances between me and them. I think part of it is I come off as a prude guy and I think it in a way makes them uncomfortable. Like women won't hug me they'll shake my hand or give me five.


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

Message said:


> Even though I'm a girl... I feel like all guys are out of reach. And I'm afraid of approaching attractive guys because I feel like they are all extraverts and won't like me anyway. Scratch that, I don't approach guys no matter what they look like. Except for one, who I practically fell in love with, but lo and behold he was taken.
> 
> I think we (as people with AS) should be looking for friendships before relationships. I find that I can talk to a guy if I'm just looking to be friendly with no expectations. And I figure if something more comes out of that friendship then great... you know, a one step at a time sort of thing.


I find it hard to believe you don't have guys coming up to you on the regular. but anyway, I don't think the friendship before relationship thing works in practice. guys simply can't be "just friends" with a girl they find attractive, and if they do want to be friends its usually because they want to get with her. not to mention if a girl puts a guy in the friend category, its very rare to ever be transfered over to the potential boyfriend side. so you see, friendship before a relationship doesn't work .. atleast for me it hasn't.


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## Amnesiac (Sep 6, 2006)

likewater said:


> Message said:
> 
> 
> > Even though I'm a girl... I feel like all guys are out of reach. And I'm afraid of approaching attractive guys because I feel like they are all extraverts and won't like me anyway. Scratch that, I don't approach guys no matter what they look like. Except for one, who I practically fell in love with, but lo and behold he was taken.
> ...


I feel the same way.

I have friends who are girls but I never thought of them as more than just friends.

Girls who I have dated I never thought of them as friends. The communication between the two types is completely different because the intent is different.

I mean there are definitely exceptions or else you wouldn't hear stories of childhood friends getting married but once you are put in that friend category its like a permanent stereotype. There's being friendly which is basically flirting in disguise then there is being a friend. I have probably only seen one or two couples start off as real friends.


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## shy_chick (Sep 27, 2006)

Nicolay said:


> Typically, I have no problem talking to girls. However, when I'm near a girl that I find _seriously _attractive, I freeze up and feel like an awkward thirteen-year-old. I'm not sure why... I think that I view beautiful girls as somehow being out of reach. I feel inferior to them. I think 'what would a girl that gorgeous ever want to do with me?' This only applies to a handful of girls at my university, but obviously those are the girls I _want _to interact with. This issue is seriously impeding my love life, which is why I posted it in this forum. Does anyone else experience something like this? Do you know why? How do you deal with it?
> 
> By the way, if anyone's heard the song 'Creep' by Radiohead, it expresses my sentiments almost perfectly.


 :hug I think it's just a self esteem (yeah like it's easy :roll ) issue.
You're being hard on yourself. There will be someone nice out there for you. I've managed it. I thought I was completely unfanciable until my first proper boyfriend and still often have doubts.

People have varying tastes in men/women. There is someone who thinks the way you do-you just have to meet her.

Yes I love the song, but it won't make you feel better thinking you're a creep, a wierdo, don't belong etc. Sometimes just listening to radiohead lyrics can drag my mood down. 
maybe you need to find a girl who is a radiohead fan?!


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## Dolphin (Mar 24, 2004)

Restless Mind said:


> This explains why the _second_ hottest girl in the room is more likely to get asked out. The other one is just for fantasizing.


Then that explains why I never get asked out! :lol I'm only for fantasizing! :banana


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

Dolphin said:


> Restless Mind said:
> 
> 
> > This explains why the _second_ hottest girl in the room is more likely to get asked out. The other one is just for fantasizing.
> ...


Picture, please? :b


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## IndigoGirl (Aug 13, 2006)

Yep, I could say that. Moreso by men than women.


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## LastChild (Jul 27, 2006)

I see a lot of beautiful people and am not really intimidated. Although if I see someone I think is really stunning I'll be intimidated, its not like I talk to them so I don't have the chance to be really nervous.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

likewater said:


> Message said:
> 
> 
> > Even though I'm a girl... I feel like all guys are out of reach. And I'm afraid of approaching attractive guys because I feel like they are all extraverts and won't like me anyway. Scratch that, I don't approach guys no matter what they look like. Except for one, who I practically fell in love with, but lo and behold he was taken.
> ...


Right?!!? I'd bet, and win, thats theres a minimum of 5 or more guys right now, that you arent even aware, who daydream about you a good portion of the day. Real life people who know or see you.....im not counting the 46 people from SAS who fell in love while checking out your thread where you posted all those pictures of yourself.



likewater said:


> I don't think the friendship before relationship thing works in practice. guys simply can't be "just friends" with a girl they find attractive, and if they do want to be friends its usually because they want to get with her.


how that is worded makes it sound more selfish and devious than it really is, buuuuuuut..... *Majority* *coughstrongmajority* of the time, you are friends with that guy, because you liked him, but just not _like that_, but he KNOWS its only a matter of time, so hes just waiting it out.

This is no way means he doesnt really care about you, or only wants to sleep with you....it just means if it was up to him, youd be more than friends. Be careful with your words and actions girls, because they WILL be misinterpreted and overblown into sooo much more than what you really meant. Trust me on all that stuff.
Grasping at straws, and pathetic, come to mind when i think about the situation.



likewater said:


> not to mention if a girl puts a guy in the friend category, its very rare to ever be transfered over to the potential boyfriend side.


 and they laughed (at me, not the link ) when i posted the 'Ladder Theory"(c), despite the scientific proof and widespread real-world examples. you cant argue with the facts you forum skeptics and non-beilievers


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

men are devious and selfish by nature. haha, no I'm not even gonna go there. but its true, MOST guys are driven by their d*cks rather than their hearts. if a guy is friends with a girl he finds attractive he wants to get in her pants, simple as that. maybe there are other reasons, but getting with her is the big one, I guarantee it.

as for ladder theory. I've read it, and while I will say theres some bs in it, theres also a good bit of truth.


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

shy_chick said:


> Yes I love the song, but it won't make you feel better thinking you're a creep, a wierdo, don't belong etc. Sometimes just listening to radiohead lyrics can drag my mood down.
> maybe you need to find a girl who is a radiohead fan?!


A lot more girls like Radiohead than people think, like me!  Probably in my top 10 favorite musicians.

I don't know... I guess I only have two guy friends... and both of them liked me... but we're still friends even though I said no! We're probably better friends than we were before. One of them hangs out with all my girlfriends and he definitely isn't doing it just to 'get with one of us', haha.

...unless that's only proves the point even more. :stu


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

likewater said:


> if a guy is friends with a girl he finds attractive he wants to get in her pants, simple as that. maybe there are other reasons, but getting with her is the big one, I guarantee it.


So your viewpoint is that the guy becomes friends with her, already knowing/plotting he is going to try to first become friends... believing he can exploit that into sleeping with her. thats what i gather from how you said it.

My theory is a little different. I think right off the bat the guy acts in a way that he believes will attract her to him. But, either:
1) his game is soooo weak she never even realizes that this is his attempt at seduction
OR
2 she thinks hes nice, fun to have around, but isnt sexually attracted to him.
So...his attempt to charm her doesnt do the job,but she continues to be his friend, and he continues to think hes making progress towards his goal, but hes not really. He is in the friend zone and doesnt realize or want to admit it, she knows theres no chance in hell for him, and both carry on their usual ways with each other.



likewater said:


> as for ladder theory. I've read it, and while I will say theres some bs in it, theres also a good bit of truth.


good enough!! hes read it, and is even half complimentary :clap


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

hmm. well, instil, I think you are putting words in my mouth. I never said that a guy plots to be friends with a girl because he wants to exploit her. some of the nicest most well meaning guys I've known have friends who they are interested in. and you're right, it usually has to do with weak game, and inability to accept that the apple of their eye isn't attracted to them. I don't think any of these guys are saying to themselves, ok, maybe if I stay friends with her for a while she will become attracted to me, its more of a reaction out of desperation than anything else.

and message. yes, of course those guys are still interested in you. its not like attraction is a switch you turn on and off. though I often wish it was.


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## likewater (Aug 3, 2006)

the dreaded dbl post


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## Dolphin (Mar 24, 2004)

Restless Mind said:


> Dolphin said:
> 
> 
> > [quote="Restless Mind":df121]This explains why the _second_ hottest girl in the room is more likely to get asked out. The other one is just for fantasizing.
> ...


Picture, please? :b[/quote:df121]

 Sometimes one just has to look at things from the right perspective.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

shy_chick said:


> :hug I think it's just a self esteem (yeah like it's easy :roll ) issue.
> You're being hard on yourself. There will be someone nice out there for you. I've managed it. I thought I was completely unfanciable until my first proper boyfriend and still often have doubts.


You're probably right. And yeah, my self-esteem isn't great. But I'm working on it :roll

As for the theory of guys making friends with girls only with the intention of having sex with them, I'd disagree (assuming I interpreted it properly). Personally at least, I'd like actually having a girl for a _friend_. Someone to talk to, to share with, to comfort me when I'm down. Too bad I haven't _got _that right now. Oh well.

At least I'm getting over my feelings with regard to beautiful girls. Cerberus, though you put it harshly, I think you have a point. Attractive people are no more deserving of praise than the rest of us. Appreciating their beauty is wonderful, but being intimidated by it doesn't really make any sense.

There's something else I wanted to point out as well. Inner and outer beauty are closely linked. When somebody is a really great person, I'll be inclined to look more positively on their physical features. If someone is a jerk/*****, I'll see their appearance in a more negative light. I've had friends and acquaintances who really couldn't be called "attractive" if you just saw them in a photograph. But when you get to know them, their inner beauty shines through and I tend to appreciate aspects of their appearance too. On the other hand, I've known some fairly pretty girls who were so terrible that I didn't find them attractive at all.


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## Amnesiac (Sep 6, 2006)

Nicolay said:


> As for the theory of guys making friends with girls only with the intention of having sex with them


There are a lot of guys like that. Some of my friends see no purpose in being friends with a girl unless there is a chance to get with them. Personally, I have a few friends who are girls. I would probably only call one of them close meaning we chill one on one. The others just kind of tag along when we all go out as a crowd. Don't get me wrong, we don't go to strip clubs together and I surely don't go shopping with her and we spend more time with friends of our own sex but I can talk things with her that you just don't talk with your buds. Like after my last relationship I did the whole go to strip club get drunk with my buds thing but I left the "emotional" convo stuff with my female friend. She's like a sister.

But its hard to be friends with a girl you are attracted to especially if it is one sided. Unless if the guy can accept that situation otherwise most guys just move on. There is no concrete rule that guys can't be friends with girls with no sexual intent. But I can honestly say that I have only met one guy whose majority of friends were girls but many people suspect that he is gay.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

I agree with cerberus 
seems to me alot of the good looking girls are *****es. most guys are dogs who find anything with a hole attractive, so if theres an above average looking girl, they start competing an throwing her compliments right and left. after awhile it goes to her head i guess and she thinks shes a goddess. pfftt. dont give into it. when you see a stuck up hot girl, dont even look her way. she's nothing special. no matter how good looking a girl is, if she acts like a ***** ill treat her like a *****. looks only go so far anyway. actually, looks only go as far as the bedroom, you need more than good looks to take you further. im rambling. does any of this make sense? pineapples? dsafdafdsf?



instil said:


> I was SEARCHING INTENSIVELY for a link to the classic RonaldKia 'pu$$Y on a pedestal' post, but alas, it was not to be. Anyone remember that from last august or september?


I don't remember that thread...but I remember Ronaldkia... :lol I wish the mods kept him around longer, just for a few more laughs. Can we bring him back? please?


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Sheri said:


> Equisgurl said:
> 
> 
> > Yup, but I feel intimidated by both attractive sexes.
> ...


Same here....

I'm attracted to women but attractive males intimidate me...Their overconfidence bears down on me and makes me feel smaller and I'll think to myself why couldn't i be taller like that or more confident like him...jealousy and envy


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

likewater said:


> hmm. well, instil, I think you are putting words in my mouth. I never said that a guy plots to be friends with a girl because he wants to exploit her. some of the nicest most well meaning guys I've known have friends who they are interested in. and you're right, it usually has to do with weak game, and inability to accept that the apple of their eye isn't attracted to them. I don't think any of these guys are saying to themselves, ok, maybe if I stay friends with her for a while she will become attracted to me, its more of a reaction out of desperation than anything else.


i just was looking for some clarification about what you said, which turns out to be basically the same as what im saying. Having 'plot' and 'expolit' in my example made it sound much more immoral than intended too. whoops.

its funny how theres a bunch of us guys who have great insight about guys who have female friends that they_ want_, but wont ever get. 
Its because we: have been/are now/will be...... that guy. *daydreams about the apple of my eye (that apple phrase cracks me up)*
And I dont mean its funny like haha funny. Nothing humorous about infatuation...its just a waste of your time, as you come to find out.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I got over this problem by being around good looking girls at work. When I first saw them, I remember having a sinking feeling in my chest, or sometimes I would just stare at them when they talked to me without listening to anything they were saying because I was so enamoured by them. But once you get used to it in a few days, it doesn't matter anymore. Now when I see good looking girls, there's no extra anxiety involved with it.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I'm intimidated by both sexes. If their attractive my self esteem shrinks.


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