# how to overcome social anxiety part 1



## paulyD (Feb 16, 2011)

social anxiety is a state of mind. it is an emotional state. fear/anxiety/panic is a state.

your state of mind at any given moment is caused by 2 things:

1) your unconcious mind 
2) pysiology and focus

*The Unconcious Mind*

When a social anxiety sufferer enters a social situation their mind percieves that situation as threatening. the reason for this is that the sufferer holds certain beleifs and memories, at an unconcious level. For example a sufferer may have experienced things such as bullying or being rejected as a child and developed beleifs such as ''people are mean and nasty'' ''nobody likes me'' ''if i try to get involved in group situations then i will be bullied and rejected''. those memoires are unresolved and held at an unconcious level

when a sufferer enters a social situation the memories and beleifs are triggered. this results in the unconcious mind percieving the event as threatening. the unconcious mind then puts the sufferer into an anxious STATE in order to protect themselves from the threat that the mind percieves

*Physiology and Focus*

the way that you feel at any given moment is the result of your physiology and focus.

Your physiology is your body language - the way you hold/move your body and the way that you breathe etc...

Your focus is a combination of your thouhgts and where you place your attention.

social anxiety sufferers have a very negative pysiology. they sit or stand in a very tense mannor and tend to stay glued to the spot. they also breathe very shallow.

social anxiety sufferers also think very negatively. they either say negative things to themselves inside thier head like ''o no this is awful'' ''nobody likes me'' '' everybody thinks that i'm wierd'' etc... or they make negative images inside their minds of things going wrong

social anxiety sufferers also place their attention on themselves instead of their surroundings. they are internally focused which makes them feel extremely self concious

*How to Overcome Social Anxiety*

you overcome social anxiety in 3 steps:

1)the unconcious mind 
2)pysiology and focus
3)exposure therapy

*Step 1 - The Unconcious Mind*

The first thing that you must do, and this is essential, is to stop your unconcious mind from percieving social events as threatening. if you dont do this then every time you enter a social situation your mind will trigger anxiety in you instantly and you will be powerless to do anything about it.

You can do all of the exposure therpay in the world and change your physiology and focus but it will be worthless unless you first do the unconcious work to prevent yourt mind from perceiving social events as threatening

you stop your unconcious mind from percieving social events as threatening by:

*seeing an nlp practioner who combines nlp, timeline therapy and hypnosis

alternatively you can do this yourself at home using cd sets. the 3 techniques that an nlp practionaire uses for social anxiety suffers are timeline therapy, fast phobia cure and parts integration. all 3 techniques can be purchased on cd sets.

websites that I would recommend are www.wendi.com and www.changethatsrightnow.com

after you have done the nlp work to prevent your mind from percieving social events as threatening then , if you are successful, you should be able to enter a social event without anxiety being triggered in you. you should be able to enter a social situation and feel calm and relaxed

Nlp practionaires have about a 90-95% success ratio. obviously nobody can 100% guarantee results so that is were medication comes in. I always say that medication should be used as a last resort only. 
if you dont get the results you are after with the nlp then use medication. or could combine the medication with the nlp. It's your choice

the important thing is that when you enter a social event anxiety is not triggered in you and you feel calm and relaxed. that lays the foundation for the physiology and focus plus exposure therapy. medication can achieve this. medication can prevent anxiety being triggered in you and it can make you feel calm and relaxed but i would always choose nlp over medication and only use medication as a last resort

i would also recommend using the batch remedies on top of the nlp or medication or both. I would say that the batch remedies are essential. they work. pour 2 drops each of the following remeides into about a mouthful of water and store in a plastic bottle. sip the water 4 times per day. you sould see results after 3 weeks :

aspen
centuary
clematis
larch
mimulus
rock rose
water violet

*Step 2 -Pysiology and Focus*

Now that you have stopped anxiety being triggered in you by using nlp, batch remedies and medications you have now laid the groundwork for your physiology and focus to work

Mind effects body and body effects mind. for example if you think negatively then this will create a negative physiology. but the reverse is also true. if you change your physiology then this will effect your thinking and your feelings. You should breathe more deeply (learn diphragm breathing), relax you boyd instead of being tense and move around a lot instead of staying glued to the spot. doing those 3 things should make you feel a lot better and make you think more positively

you also need to change your thinking patterns. there are many techniques for changing your thinking patterns and you just need to find the one that works best for you. everybody is different and everybody responds differently to different techniques so just find the one that works best for you

for people who think in words and say negative things to themselves like ''nobody likes me'' ''this is a nightmare'' etc..... then use the following techniques :

*technique 1 - mikcy mouse voice. make you internal voice sound like micky mouse or give it a slow and sexy sounding voice. then move that voice to the end of your finger.

*technique 2 - cognitive behavioural therapy. use 2 cbt techniques called ''what are the odds'' and ''how bad would it be''.

_what are the odds_ - ask yourself exactly what is it that i fear will happen in this situation. e.g you might discover that you fear that everybody will reject you. rate out of 0-100, with 100 being definatly will happen and 0 being definately wont happen, how likely it is that you fear will come true. make a note of your score. 
then examine the evidence. look at evidence that supports your beleif that people will reject you. e.g people might have rejected you a lot when you was a kid. then look for evidence against your beleif that people will reject you. e.g have people rejected you recently. would you reject somebody else etc....
what you will usually find is that your beleif is greatly exagerated and not very likely to come true. if your origional beleif was rated at 90 you ill find that it will reduce to a very low score like 20

_how bad would it be_ - ask yourself if your fears did come true then how bad would it really be. again use a scale of 0-100. then examine the evidence again. when have you coped with a simialr situaion in the past. how could you cope with it this time. is being rejected really the end of the world ? then rate your score again. you will usually find that your fears coming true really isn't that bad and your score should drop from a 90 to about a 20 again

after using what are the odds and how bad would it be you will realise that your fears are highly unlikely to come true but even if they do then it's not the end of the world. from there you need to create a rational coping statment such as :

''if i get involved in group situations then it is highly unlikely that i will be rejected but if i am then so what, who cares, its not the end of the world''

and i would add to the end of any rational coping statement, that you create, the words :

''I WILL HANDLE IT''

when people fear something they not only fear the thing that they will fear but they also fear that they will not be able to handle feeling fear as well as handle the situation. but the truth is that no matter how bad a situation turns out or how bad you feel YOU WILL HANDLE IT.

for people who think in pictures then you can simply drain all of the colour out of the picture, schrink the picture and move it off into the distance. then create a new image of what you want to happen (YOU ALWAYS GET MORE OF WHAT YOU FOCUS ON) and then make the sounds loud, the colours bright and the image bigger.

*aswell as changing thinking patterns you should change where you place your attention. social anxiety sifferers focus internally on themselves which makes them self concious. practice focusing your attention outside of yourself on other people and the things around you


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## tobi08 (Dec 29, 2008)

nice thank you for all the info.
do all cds by wendi friesen have fast phobia cure, use timeline therapy and parts integration? If not which cd have them all?


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## cain1989 (Oct 20, 2013)

very use full 

thank you!!


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

so, essentially, we cannot move forward unless practicing timeline therapy? So, I MUST let go of everything negative that has happened in my life in order to overcome my anxiety? I have a hard time with this because I dont want to forget all of the horrible things that have happened in my life. I am not dwelling on them, but I also feel like they have shaped me to be a more careful person... though I may be too careful these days, I for sure do not want to become careless...


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## Ichigo91 (Feb 21, 2012)

"I MUST let go of everything negative that has happened in my life in order to overcome my anxiety?"

Bull****.. every person even without SAD have negative things going on in their lifes even more then we do.. overcoming those won't graduate that sad goes away. sad is sad and that's all to it.


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## dharmaqueen (Oct 21, 2013)

Mind effects body and body effects mind. for example if you think negatively then this will create a negative physiology. but the reverse is also true. if you change your physiology then this will effect your thinking and your feelings. You should breathe more deeply (learn diphragm breathing), relax you boyd instead of being tense and move around a lot instead of staying glued to the spot. doing those 3 things should make you feel a lot better and make you think more positively 

you also need to change your thinking patterns. there are many techniques for changing your thinking patterns and you just need to find the one that works best for you. everybody is different and everybody responds differently to different techniques so just find the one that works best for you

for people who think in words and say negative things to themselves like ''nobody likes me'' ''this is a nightmare'' etc..... then use the following techniques :

*technique 1 - mikcy mouse voice. make you internal voice sound like micky mouse or give it a slow and sexy sounding voice. then move that voice to the end of your finger. 

*technique 2 - cognitive behavioural therapy. use 2 cbt techniques called ''what are the odds'' and ''how bad would it be''. 


Very helpful, thank you


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## dharmaqueen (Oct 21, 2013)

sad is a state of mind ichigo91... which inturn is merely an emotion. emotions are fleeting, they come and go. just because you're socially anxious, doesn't mean that you're cemented as being a sad individual, always... we are mostly sad because we feel like we can't relate or be involved with others.....but I feel its "all or nothing" to you.. I feel like you're generalizing and making that statement cement for yourself, and everyone else with SA... but maybe that's my generalization.. may make sense... may not. I tried. I found that article extremely helpful, we have to let down our defenses if we ever want to fix this issue in ourselves and in our society....preconceived notions are all but self-fulfilling prophecies... only fulfilling the negative in the case of ichigo90. rise above the negative.. we're completely capable if we let ourselves. we're only human.. we are allowed to feel sadness, but we are also allowed to feel excitement and happiness, open up to it. don't cement your feelings to a dull murmur of sadness. easier said than done. I know.. but we deserve to feel the positive feelings of life... information shared


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## dharmaqueen (Oct 21, 2013)

and I don't blame you at all. I hope my post didn't feel like a personal attack. I get stuck in the all or nothing feelings too.. and I get stuck in generalizations and blame.. and sheer uninterest in making myself feel better because I don't see those closest around me interested at all in bettering themselves.. it's just like, what's the point? but.. the point is.. to dust yourself off and try again. humans are adaptable to change..and changing our emotions to change our lives seem like a pretty reasonable start


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## dharmaqueen (Oct 21, 2013)

we're evolving as humans in this experience of life... we must break down all of the barriers we've put around ourselves. separating ourselves from our TRUE self. it's true yes, everyone has walls.. and yes, even the most "normal" individuals have negative issues.. but they can also open themselves up to experience the positive ones. we have to stop being so hard on ourselves


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## NicoShy (Jun 11, 2009)

dharmaqueen said:


> Mind effects body and body effects mind. for example if you think negatively then this will create a negative physiology. but the reverse is also true. if you change your physiology then this will effect your thinking and your feelings. You should breathe more deeply (learn diphragm breathing), relax you boyd instead of being tense and move around a lot instead of staying glued to the spot. doing those 3 things should make you feel a lot better and make you think more positively
> 
> you also need to change your thinking patterns. there are many techniques for changing your thinking patterns and you just need to find the one that works best for you. everybody is different and everybody responds differently to different techniques so just find the one that works best for you
> 
> ...


What is technique #1 supposed to be doing/helping :um


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## rickey (Jun 22, 2010)

^ i think what 'technique one' does is give your internal voice a character of its own. I think it's supposed to help separate the thoughts you want to have from your anxious thoughts (the thoughts I guess you dont want to have). That way you can look at them more objectively.

The 'move that voice to the end of your finger' part could maybe be a way to make your anxieties something tangible - for example, turning it into a sock puppet. I'm guessing when you do it right, the next time you start feeling anxious or put any negative thoughts in your head, you can simply concentrate your anxieties to one physical location and that, I believe, puts you in control.


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