# The Big Question: Living with Parents in your '20's



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

I've been looking at other message boards and noticed that the opinion of males over 18 living with their parents is deservedly low. Okay, I get the idea. My question is: what should _I_ do about it? I've approached the subject with my parents, and they basically refuse to consider it-my job pays under $10 per hour _and_ I'm going to school. Not only is the job market sparse where I live, but I don't know how I can fit time in for another job in order to be able to afford an apartment. I work and pay for my own groceries and anything else I need-I really don't know what else I can do right now. I didn't have a job last year when I was in college full-time, and wasn't that conservative about spending, which is my I try not to mess with my savings. Is this reasonable, or am I, like people said on another message board, just a parasite contributing nothing to society? Is this just a sob story from somebody who's too lazy to do things for himself? Is this all my fault for not becoming a doctor at age 16 like Doogie?

My big question (drum roll) is how unattractive is a person living with their parents at 20? Personally, I feel it's a huge roadblock and I can't even afford to think about going after someone when I'm in such a pathetic state, especially when I'm being discouraged from it. My goal was to move out in the next month, but even that sounds unrealistic. Should I just ignore my parents and move out anyway, living from miniscule paycheck to miniscule paycheck? I can't stand the thought of attending class with a bunch of attractive girls and knowing I'm not good enough for them because of where I live...


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

In all honestly, I don't see anything wrong with this. You're still in school so you can have a better life down the road, you're working, you buy your own food.........If girls don't understand this, then they're not good enough for you.......

When my Mother moved back to MI, she stayed with us, I got "Oh, you live with your mother' I just gave them that deer in the headlight look.......All they could hear is.......It wasn't worth my time........Screw them. You do what's right for you. Struggling is not fun. 

If I got along better with my parents, even at my age, I would move back in with them, they're always asking, but they're insane;-)


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I'm 31 and still live at home. I have a good enough job to live on my own - pay my bills, help out with my dad's payments and such. I just haven't been able to make the move yet (separation anxiety - need to work on that!).

Anyway, I have been saving up money like crazy. Having no life and being single rocks when it comes to saving money - no place to spend it! :lol

Like RealSpark said, struggling is not fun. My dad complains that he is in debt (even though I hahve already paid of my college loans!). He offers me advice all the time - like 401K and saving a LOT toward it, since pensions have become a thing of the past.

My dad had his 33rd anniversary this past week, and tells me he wants out of his company. He has offered me a LOT of wisdom about the workplace and such. I don't think I could have gotten it by living away from home.


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Wow, thanks for the kind words-that's not what I expected at all (try posting something like that on a regular dating-type site, and folks would swarm you with their 'I supported my family at 14 by working nights at a sulphur mine, so quit yer whinin' and get up from the Xbox, ya pansy!'. Then again, people aren't like that here.)

So this really isn't a big deal? What would a person in my situation do about dates and such, other than actually have disposable income to spend on them? (I don't think there's anything wrong with living with your parents when you're working and planning on transfering to a 4-year uni from a community college, but I was certain other people would find something wrong with it) As with most dating issues, it matters less whether there's anything wrong with it (in this case, nothing, other than a warning to do a better job saving money when you aren't working) but more about what other people are going to think about it. I

I'm probably just delusional, but I've always considered living out of your parents's house after high school to be one of the items you have to check off the list before thinking about dating someone (the only other really superficial one is having your own car, because in most Americans' minds, riding the bus=loser, and thanks to movies like the 40-Year Old Virgin, relying on bicycles is considered dorky.) It's not that either of those things prohibit someone from dating in a practical sense, it's just that they automatically paint a picture of an immature, out-of-it-type person-or at least this is how I imagine girls my age think.


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

VelvetElvis said:


> So this really isn't a big deal? What would a person in my situation do about dates and such, other than actually have disposable income to spend on them? (I don't think there's anything wrong with living with your parents when you're working and planning on transfering to a 4-year uni from a community college, but I was certain other people would find something wrong with it)


There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with living with your parents at 20 years of age while going to college. Its great that you have parents that will allow you to do this - not everyone does. You get to focus on your studies instead of having to worry about making enough rent money.

As far as "what you do about dates and such", well what exactly do you mean? Do you mean that you're embarrassed to admit to a potential date that you live with your parents? Or do you mean that you cannot have any "overnight company" because you live at home? Both have fairly simple answers I think. First, just tell them you are saving money by staying home until you get out of school. If they think that is not acceptable, then just forget 'em. Second, about the "overnight company", well that depends on your parents, but you likely might have to spend some of that "disposable income" on a hotel room.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

realspark said:


> In all honestly, I don't see anything wrong with this. You're still in school so you can have a better life down the road, you're working, you buy your own food.........If girls don't understand this, then they're not good enough for you.......


 :agree I see nothing wrong with living at home at your age and in your situation. Going to school and working is tough for anyone and yes, struggling isn't fun at all... been there done that. If girls don't see it that way... stuff 'em, they're not worth it.

It's sad that people assume that moving out on your own when you're 18 is so standardized. I didn't move out until I was 23 and I knew more than as few people that didn't move out until they were financially stable enough to afford a decent place and not have to struggle, most past the age of 25-30.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I know a man who has never lived anywhere but the same house. His mother was in her late 40s when he was born. His closest sister was graduating college the year he was born. Shortly after he graduated his father developed alzheimers. He stayed and helped her take care of his father. His father finally passed away and he stayed with his mother who was now in her 70s. 

Everyone's circumstances are different. I moved back in with mine at 27. I had come back from CA and had no job. I did find a job almost immediatly but I told my parents that I wanted to be able to save my money and buy a place instead if renting. That was 18 years ago. I was making $400 a week before taxes. It was a struggle but I got by.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

theres no way on hell you are going to be able to afford your own place making $10 an hour. maybe if you dont have a car, insurance,food,electric, or a phone....then maybe you could scrape by. i would finish school before you even attempt it,OR if you happen to find a higher paying job, and HAVE to get out of moms house, move in with a friend and split the expenses.

Also, since you are in school, and pretty young, i dont think its weird you live at home. When you get around my age, then you really should be out of there soon.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I am money wise. Staying at home and leeching off my parents appears to be the best finnacial decision even though I have a job and enough money to move out.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

At 20, you're fine. It really doesn't become loserish until you've graduated college and you're still living at home (age 23+).

Honestly, these days, what 18 year old fresh out of high school can afford to live on his own? There is no way a high school graduate is making more than 9 or 10 bucks an hour at that point in their career (if they are it's very rare). They would still have to spend another year or two in vocational school before they can land a job that pays enough to live on your own.

Rent has become so expensive that I really don't think it's expected that people move out at 20 anymore. A decent 1-bedroom apartment around here is probably $1,000 and up. Take that, then add in all your other life expenses, and there's just no way... I'm a college graduate, and the salary range of jobs I'm looking at are in the 25K range, and even then, I think I'd have a hard time. So I'm almost expecting to spend my first year of working still living at home.

As for dating, yeah that definitely does suck past age 18. I'm 25 years old, and between being unemployed and still living at home, I won't even dare make a attempt at dating.



VelvetElvis said:


> try posting something like that on a regular dating-type site, and folks would swarm you with their 'I supported my family at 14 by working nights at a sulphur mine, so quit yer whinin' and get up from the Xbox, ya pansy!'.


People just like to toot their own horn. And online, they are always trying to make themselves look better than they really are. So I wouldn't be suprised if those people are flat out lying or greatly exaggerating on the specifics of what they've done.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I don't see the big deal with it. Probably because I'm 21 and living at home. Actually, I won't care when I'm older, really. A lot of people see those living at home without working or anything as being "moochers," which is why there is such a stigma against it. In a lot of other countries, people remain in their parents' home until marriage, or even later.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

the longer you live at home though, the more content you will become with it, and will never want to leave. 
If you dont work as well, then you are really going to fall into a rut. I was out of work for a few months and only found another job because i HAD to,my bills were piling up.

i did move out at 21, but moved back home at 23 when my roommate sold his house. So I've been here ever since, like 2 years. When I first moved back in, i hated it and couldnt wait to leave, but after a year, I had ZERO motivation or desire to leave. The only thing that got me to find a place of my own is the fact that my mom is moving, but thats a blessing in disguise because i needed something to kick me in the butt before i ended up living with mom forever


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

I really knew it wasn't a bad thing. I just think that the automatic reaction to it is "Eeew! A momma's boy!' It's interesting how a guy with an apartment who sleeps on a futon, sponges money off his friends, and spends all his parents' donations on pot is doing just fine, while someone who works and lives comfortably at home is a loser. I think there are reasons for this-_subconscious_ reasons.

I was thinking about Joseph Campbell while I was stocking bags of Tidy Cat cat litter today-the obvious reason people look down on men living in their parents' house is that, in their minds, those men are substituting their parents' house for the womb, which means men who live with their parents are basically mental infants. According to most mythology, the only path to manhood is abandoning the familiar and facing (and defeating) the unfamiliar. Things like love can only be attained through sacrifice-for instance, sacrificing the comfort of your own home and facing the harsh realities of the wider world, which is the only route to maturity. As I see it, the only way to enter a relationship is to be a "real man" rather than a "boy", or at least pretend you are (which is how most young guys get by, I think).

As to how that affects real life, I know that the practical thing to do would be to follow people's advice and avoid thinking about dating for another few years, just like I did all through high school. I'm only worried that if I don't have some sort of experience in the next year or so, I'll become warped for the rest of my life and end up being one of those sweaty middle-aged guys with mustaches who show up at the 7-11 at midnight, usually muttering and buying big bags of Funyuns.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> I'm only worried that if I don't have some sort of experience in the next year or so, I'll become warped for the rest of my life and end up being one of those sweaty middle-aged guys


Why does it have to explicitly be within the next year?


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Zephyr said:


> > I'm only worried that if I don't have some sort of experience in the next year or so, I'll become warped for the rest of my life and end up being one of those sweaty middle-aged guys
> 
> 
> Why does it have to explicitly be within the next year?


 :lol Good question-next 5 years is more like it, no offense to anyone-I'm talking about when I feel like it would be too late for myself, not for anyone else. But one more year'll feel like 5.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

VelvetElvis said:


> I really knew it wasn't a bad thing. I just think that the automatic reaction to it is "Eeew! A momma's boy!' It's interesting how a guy with an apartment who sleeps on a futon, sponges money off his friends, and spends all his parents' donations on pot is doing just fine, while someone who works and lives comfortably at home is a loser. That's why I'm still looking into either getting a roommate or renting a room sometime in the next couple of months, or at the latest by spring.
> 
> I really should follow people's advice and avoid thinking about dating for another few years, just like I did all through high school. I'm only worried that if I don't have some sort of experience in the next year or so, I'll become warped for the rest of my life and end up being one of those sweaty middle-aged guys with mustaches who show up at the 7-11 at midnight, usually muttering and buying big bags of Funyuns.


You shouldn't think of it as an age thing. It's not a "You should be living on your own by 21" environment like it may have been in the past. Now, it's strictly an income thing. If you make enough money to cover all your monthly costs, then it's reasonable to move out on your own. If you can't, then forget it. Going hungry, being without furniture, having no cable, no A/C, no vehicle, and only buying stuff from the dollar store, is not going to impress any girl--certainly not any more than living at home...but at least you can have enough disposable income to go away for a weekend.

Personally, any woman that looks down on me for living with my parents is too shallow for me anyways.


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## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

I wouldnt look down on it as long as the guy helps out his parents, either by working, or doing the maintanence, groceries, cleaning etc...
to many older parents, especially depending on their culture, having one of their children around the house is a very good thing...

of course I have always lived at home so its not like Im in the position to critcize anyone for this...


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

This is the only message board I've ever seen even remotely support living at home past 18-20. 

I'm 22 and I obviously live at home. I have no plans to move out anytime soon. Diving my salary by the hour, I make roughly $12.50/Hr (Canadian Dollars), and there is no way I could afford to live on my own. 

Any other message board I've asked for dating advice, the first thing anybody said was, "move out". Lets face reality, we're even less likely to have any success finding a significant other, than we already are, while we're living at home.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I don't have a problem with people who live at home. I am 23 and living with my dad, so who am I to judge?



VelvetElvis said:


> Should I just ignore my parents and move out anyway, living from miniscule paycheck to miniscule paycheck? I can't stand the thought of attending class with a bunch of attractive girls and knowing I'm not good enough for them because of where I live...


Please don't put yourself in financial jeopardy just to impress a bunch of shallow bimbos. You'll probably spend your days stressed out and miserable, struggling to keep up with school, while trying to work enough hours to afford your place. You don't deserve that.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

PGVan said:


> This is the only message board I've ever seen even remotely support living at home past 18-20.
> 
> I'm 22 and I obviously live at home. I have no plans to move out anytime soon. Diving my salary by the hour, I make roughly $12.50/Hr (Canadian Dollars), and there is no way I could afford to live on my own.
> 
> Any other message board I've asked for dating advice, the first thing anybody said was, "move out". Lets face reality, we're even less likely to have any success finding a significant other, than we already are, while we're living at home.


yea, you have to move out first before you start worrying about getting girls...put that on the backburner for now.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

instil said:


> PGVan said:
> 
> 
> > This is the only message board I've ever seen even remotely support living at home past 18-20.
> ...


It's not impossible. I have a couple cousins who lived at home until they pushed 30, yet they were chick magnets. For those of us with social anxiety however, it is impossible.


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

whiteclouds said:


> I don't have a problem with people who live at home. I am 23 and living with my dad, so who am I to judge?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks, and I agree that I sure don't-but how do I know they're shallow bimbos? If I expect a girl to brush her teeth and bathe, shouldn't girls expect me to meet their minimum requirements, like having my own apartment and a nice car? Guys like me usually expect girls to give and give, and yet they don't always offer them anything in return. Aren't relationships supposed to be about equality or something?

Seriously, aren't there any minimum requirements for dating someone? Surely there has to be something that sounds shallow but is universally agreed-upon-something so obvious that nobody even brings it into consideration because it goes without saying that you have to have it or don't bother. I need to know exactly what non-personality related lifestyle aspects to change and fix before I approach anyone, and if it isn't this then it must be _something_ concrete. Maybe this should be a new topic-"just what the hell is wrong with some of us, anyway"? In my case, could it be that the combination of so many negative factors negates any possibility of extracting myself?

For the record, I am:
1. Slightly pudgy-not really fat, but somewhere I shouldn't be.
2. Have a receding hairline
3. Living with my parents for at least the next 3 months
4. Still (probably) exhibiting the left-overs of a spine operation I had when I was 14, which I don't really think much about _but_ could very well be more noticable than I think it is. 
5. Lousy at most sports, while liking stuff everybody else thinks is stupid.

Sounds irresistable, doesn't it?

I realize nobody's perfect, but being shy just sucks up this sort of crap up and sticks it in a blender.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

I still live at home. And as some have said it is not attractive to girls (including the not shallow ones). Most of them look at me like im a freak when they hear i still live with my parents. OMG!!!

When i get a job i will move out. It will be lonely but i can't live here all my life.


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## Skackal (Aug 4, 2006)

Here's another idea: if you have parents that will let you come back home, and I suspect you do, try moving out for a semester. There isn't much of a downside other than the fact that you may be broke all the time. A little real-world experience without being "thrown to the wolves" couldn't hurt.

If you hate it, can't afford it, etc etc etc then move back home. Just a suggestion.


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## TheContrary (May 2, 2006)

I p.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

^ :con Here living at home wouldn't attract any girl, it's seen as wierd and strange and i don't know anyone over 25 that still lives with parents.

I don't think i would be a chick magnet if i had my own place but atleast i could try to invite a girl over without it being like i took her home to meet my parents..


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

20 and ready to move out, just because I cant stand my mother. One of us will go insane, its just the matter of time now.


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## IndigoGirl (Aug 13, 2006)

I plan on living with my parent's during part of my 20's, at least my first year being in that 'zone of agedom'. As bad as I want my own place, it's gonna be quite a transition for me, and I'm frankly too scared of moving out on my own.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

TheContrary said:


> I plan to move out of home pretty soon (I'm 21).I'm prepared to struggle finacially tho. I've realised that there comes a time when u really have to go it on your own, not for appearance sake, just for the sake of your personal growth.


I agree, its not JUST about impressing girls. I moved out for a bunch of different reasons, and doing so did give me some sense of success in life, like there was a reason for me to get up and go to work besides 'because i have to'. personally, i needed it for growth, i can see how living at home puts you in this comfort zone, and you wont initiate a big life change, like moving out, on your own. Even Im guilty, i moved out, had to move back for reasons out of my control, and now the only thing pushing me is the fact my mom sold her house and got a 1 bedroom condo (hint,hint...get out,haha). When i first moved back here, my mind was set on how im going to be on my own again in a few weeks, i need to start looking for a place,etc. 16 months later, ive become complacent. its going to suck in some ways, but it will be for the better in the long run, and i needed that push to get me to do it. However, im 25, not 20, and moved out the first time when i was 21 but hadnt yet developed this depression/anxiety super combo.

Also, as far as girls/living on your own...i got girls when i lived at home, and when i had my own place. I also DIDNT have girls the majority of the time whether i lived with mom, or with a roommate. Moving out isnt the magic button that gets you a girlfriend...but it doesnt hurt being able to have her over to watch a movie and have some drinks, and possibly in the future have the option to have a sleepover. I tried that once at moms house when i was 19, and the next morning she embarrassed me AND her as we tried to sneak out the front door...not cool.


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## mels (Nov 11, 2003)

all you homebodies need to move to australia. aparently plenty of young people are staying with their parents until they are even 30 and older. typically they have well paying jobs too.

i dont think its necessary to be living on your own to be attractive to the right person. :stu


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

mels said:


> all you homebodies need to move to australia


they want to live in their own apartment, not in a kangaroo pouch with a koala roomate :door



mels said:


> i dont think its necessary to be living on your own to be attractive to the right person. :stu


 no,its not....and moving out isnt a guarantee you are going to live like some bachelor playboy, but if you do meet someone it avoids a lot of problems you'd have if you lived with parents,not to mention other advantages. No more sitting in a parked car/driving around aimlessly going 'so what do you want to do' 'i dont know' until she inevitably realizes shes bored with you.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

VelvetElvis said:


> Thanks, and I agree that I sure don't-but how do I know they're shallow bimbos? If I expect a girl to brush her teeth and bathe, shouldn't girls expect me to meet their minimum requirements, like having my own apartment and a nice car? Guys like me usually expect girls to give and give, and yet they don't always offer them anything in return. Aren't relationships supposed to be about equality or something?


Yes, I see your point. There's nothing wrong with a girl wanting a guy who can support himself. However, it sounds like this expectation is unrealistic for you at this time. You are only 20 years old. Not even old enough to buy booze. You are in college. Your current job is low-income, and apartments are costly. Girls seem to forget this situation is temporary. For all we know, 2-3 years from now, you could be moved out with a college diploma in your hand.

Don't beat yourself up about the equality thing. Let's take a look at the "equality" of your minimum requirements. Brushing teeth takes 2 minutes a day, and showering takes 10 minutes. You could even add 30 more minutes (give or take) for extras like shaving, makeup, and hair styling, if you wish.

In contrast, here's the girl's minimum requirements: Having an apartment and a car requires you to work 40+ hours a week to afford expenses. Add in the stress of working (stress varies depending on the job), the minutes to commute, and the extra time you'll have to take to earn your college diploma. (You'll likely have to do college part-time, because it is very difficult to do full-time work AND full-time school.

Admitedly, the guys here are right. You have better chances in dating if you move out. My advice is to move out when the time is right for YOU. Don't put yourself through grief, all for the sake of a potential girlfriend. (Emphasis on "potential". I had my own apartment for a while, and I still didn't get dates. I was busy working, doing schoolwork, plus the crippling SA factor was still there.)


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

whiteclouds said:


> VelvetElvis said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks, and I agree that I sure don't-but how do I know they're shallow bimbos? If I expect a girl to brush her teeth and bathe, shouldn't girls expect me to meet their minimum requirements, like having my own apartment and a nice car? Guys like me usually expect girls to give and give, and yet they don't always offer them anything in return. Aren't relationships supposed to be about equality or something?
> ...


What if I like someone now? Should I just ignore my attraction to her and wait until I'm in better financial shape? Normally I don't worry as much about appearing attractive, but when you are currently attracted to someone, it all starts piling on. I'll most likely be working with her for quite a while, and I obviously can't just quit my job to stop seeing her.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

her again,huh? The ideal things for you to do, in my opinion, are as follows:
1)ask the girl out before you two are too 'friendly' and you have zero chance. hoooooooow many times have I and almost every other guy here just obsessed over some girl, and ended up being her male girlfriend. the one shes goes to lunch with, and talks about her boyfriends with. maybe you'll even develop it to the point where you chat on the phone when you arent at work, but she sure wont see you as a potential romantic partner at that point. Ive done it myself, and witnessed it 1000X. am i wrong girls? Plus you'll regret it two years from now if you dont do anything and now shes out of your life due to a new job or whatever.
2)dont move out an get an apartment at age 20 with minimal money and no forseeable plans to get a better paying job. Just because you move out, thats not gonna get her, and if she is interested, i dont think you living at home will be a dealbreaker for her.
If you move out for her, and it doesnt work out how you want, then you wont be happy at all,scraping by and possibly swallowing your pride and moving back to moms....give the moving out some time,like a year or two, when its financially plausible.

Also, since I like you,some extra advice. Dont neglect the small things that dont matter to guys: stay clean shaven, dont let your hair get shaggy around the ears, and dont wear wrinkly clothes to work.


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

instil said:


> her again,huh? The ideal things for you to do, in my opinion, are as follows:
> 1)ask the girl out before you two are too 'friendly' and you have zero chance. hoooooooow many times have I and almost every other guy here just obsessed over some girl, and ended up being her male girlfriend. the one shes goes to lunch with, and talks about her boyfriends with. maybe you'll even develop it to the point where you chat on the phone when you arent at work, but she sure wont see you as a potential romantic partner at that point. Ive done it myself, and witnessed it 1000X. am i wrong girls? Plus you'll regret it two years from now if you dont do anything and now shes out of your life due to a new job or whatever.
> 2)dont move out an get an apartment at age 20 with minimal money and no forseeable plans to get a better paying job. Just because you move out, thats not gonna get her, and if she is interested, i dont think you living at home will be a dealbreaker for her.
> If you move out for her, and it doesnt work out how you want, then you wont be happy at all,scraping by and possibly swallowing your pride and moving back to moms....give the moving out some time,like a year or two, when its financially plausible.
> ...


Logic strikes again, eh? Don't worry-I won't move out just for her, especially since there still isn't any real reason to believe she likes me. She wasn't working today, but I saw her come in later with some _mysterious male friends_, one of whom could _quite possibly_ be a boyfriend. Now, that contradicts her apparently not having a boyfriend last week, but things like that can happen fast, of course. While this was going on, I was working in another part of the store and didn't want to get in the way when she had her wingmen with her anyway. If she had any interest in seeing me today, surely she would have made some sort of effort. Surely. I'll just have to see what happens tomorrow.

Yeah, okay, I'm just making excuses, but I wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't being so freakin' ambiguous. :lol It all sure sounds stupid, doesn't it? Hopefully I'll get tired of playing this game eventually, if my attraction to her will just die already.

But don't let me sabotage my own thread, even though I pretty much already got the answers I was hoping for.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

where do you guys work?

and, although i got tired of playing that game, i kept at it. The sad part is, she probably wasnt even aware there was a game going on, while i was spending most of the day analyzing our cat-and-mouse game. She was just saying hello to me in the morning, and picking a fuzzball off my shirt, and im taking it as..........something its not (at all). 
Yea, just so you dont waste time doing something like that (like,months or years possibly....yes years is possible if you stay friends outside of work) you should really try to look at the situation as it really is, dont fool yourslef, but also, if you do think something is there, or is possible, dont let it pass you by.

haha,easier said than done, i know. find out if she has a boyfriend first, or soemthing like a boyfriend, as she might not call him that, then go from there. thats a good first step that doesnt involve any risk


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

instil said:


> where do you guys work?


 :lol We're both courtesy clerks at a grocery store (she was hired about a week before me). Courtesy clerk is a fancy name for a bagger-though you have to do a good bit of stocking items too. It's easy, low-stress, and repetitive, which unfortunately gives me a lot of time to think while I'm working.



instil said:


> and, although i got tired of playing that game, i kept at it. The sad part is, she probably wasnt even aware there was a game going on, while i was spending most of the day analyzing our cat-and-mouse game. She was just saying hello to me in the morning, and picking a fuzzball off my shirt, and im taking it as..........something its not (at all).
> Yea, just so you dont waste time doing something like that (like,months or years possibly....yes years is possible if you stay friends outside of work) you should really try to look at the situation as it really is, dont fool yourslef, but also, if you do think something is there, or is possible, dont let it pass you by.
> 
> haha,easier said than done, i know. find out if she has a boyfriend first, or soemthing like a boyfriend, as she might not call him that, then go from there. thats a good first step that doesnt involve any risk


What's the best way of asking that indirectly? I don't know if she likes me outright, but I keep holding onto the idea that she might consider it. I don't know if I'm fooling myself or not, and I don't want to get a bad reputation-I have no idea who else, if anybody (she's new, too, remember) she talks to among the other employees, since we have different break times, and I don't want to give a bad impression by making her uncomfortable when I get rejected, which I most likely would (the question is how).

Whatever she was doing today just sort of threw me for a loop, even though logically there was really nothing to worry about. When I got home I watched a couple episodes of Kung Fu and felt a lot better off. I can deal with this s$%& tomorrow.


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## long_way_home (May 10, 2006)

I didn't read through all of the responses, so I don't know if someone has said what I'm going to say yet, but...
I think that living with your parents while you're working and going to college is absolutely fine. It is extremely hard nowadays to support yourself 100%, go to school full, and have a job. My mother is a professor at a community college, and she has students all the time who are living on their own with no financial support (so they have to work a lot) and they are always dropping classes and/or flunking out because with their job they simply don't have enough time to perform well in school...it takes them a long time to graduate with their AA degree (like 4 years, when it's supposed to be a 2 year degree).
I go to a university, and most of the students who go to the university DO live on their own and perform well in school, BUT they are FULLY supported by their parents. Their parents pay their rent, give them cars, etc. 
It is an illusion that a student can fully support himself with a job, and go to school full time and be able to perform well in school! You have to be extemely smart to be able to work so much and do well in school without getting exhausted or way too busy.
I am going to graduate with my bachelor's degree this december...I am 21 and I live with my mother and it has helped me so much! My family simply doesn't have enough money to pay for my rent if I were living on my own, so it really would have been a struggle for me, but because I don't have to worry about rent I just have a nice part time job and i get to focus on school...and now I'm graduating with no struggle and no debt.
My mother is Hispanic, and in the Hispanic culture it is common that the children stay with the family well into their 20's until they are really ready to leave (they might have a career by then or get married before they leave). 
But anyways my overall point is that I think in America there is too much emphasis on leaving home right when you're 18, when in some cases it is much better to just live with your parents until you are financially and emotionally ready to live on your own.


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