# If you found out that your partner commited the following crimes. Would you break up?



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Tell me why below. Does it matter if they have a good excuse or they did it for selfish reasons. What if they are truly sorry about it now?


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## asphodel (Apr 30, 2013)

Assuming they're otherwise of good moral character, I could consider them a changed person for everything but the following:
Murder
Incest
Rape
Major Theft
Arson
Poisoning
Fraud

Tentative about a hit and run. "Illegal drugs" includes marijuana, which doesn't bother me in the same way as meth.


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## purplebutterfly (Apr 24, 2013)

I ticked the ones I couldn't put up with but It wasn't very clearly specified


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

this is actually quite an interesting thread if we analyze what types of personalities the people committing these crimes would possess. if my partner committed murder then that's a breakup. I think in all cases murder is pre-meditated,it shows a lack of morals,restraint,a cold blooded calculating personality with no regard for human life, and a tendency towards extreme violence as a means of justification. plus i'd be fearful of my own life being taken.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I don't think my cat would do any of those things.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I'd like to hear their reason, supposing they told me. If it's in the past before we were dating it's in the past and it doesn't matter. I don't care.

If it was while we were dating then rape, drugs, or incest. Rape is a serious crime and I can't think of one good reason for it. I would still hear them out on it, but I doubt there would be a good reason (well, maybe they have dissociative identity disorder and it was out of vengeance?). But it is a cheating on me thing. Same with incest. Don't care, but you were cheating on me and that's a pretty big issue.

Drugs are a case-by-case issue. I do not support the use of them by unqualified people for illegitimate reasons. If I believe this to be the case then I would possibly break up with them or ask them to change their habits. Legitimate use (pot for stress relief) by unqualified persons (i.e., herself) is a difficult thing because it really depends.

I would probably advocate that she consult a medical professional and get treatment for her anxiety that's more effective.

I couldn't date someone who smokes. If I found out they were hiding it from me I'd ask them to at the very least consider a nicotine alternative.

Hard, addictive stuff like cocaine or heroin? If I find out she's addicted I'm dragging her -- willing or not -- to a rehab center. I do not play around with addiction and I will not allow her to be controlled by a chemical.

The rest I don't care about.


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

The top 4 worry me the most. Something about violent/sexual crimes that scare me a lot more on a primal level than the other crimes.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I selected the ones I deem unforgivable, and I just couldn't be friends with someone if I knew they had done those things. 

Other crimes such as say buying illicit drugs, to me It would matter when and what exactly happened. 

I didn't check Assault and Battery BUT severe cases would be a deal breaker no questions...but if someone for example got into a bar brawl or something when they were a youngin (I'm older) I probably wouldn't hold it against them unless they were still behaving like that.


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## O Range (Feb 11, 2013)

Incest is a crime? I know it's sick, and taboo but a crime? I'm assuming parent/adult figure to kid, right? Or is it a crime in general?

EDIT: looking the list over, I would break up for most all except petty theft, vandalism and buying illegal drugs. Last one is dependent on what they buy. Hard stuff is a no, I can overlook weed.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I like a girl with a shady past. It keeps me humble.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Lets see...

*Assault and Battery
Murder
Incest
Rape
Petty Theft
Major Theft
Selling Drugs
Vandalism
Joyriding
Forgery
Insider trading
Arson
DUI
Poisoning
Voyeurism
Buying Illegal Drugs
Hit and run
Fraud*

During dating or even if they were in the past, I would not want to associate with this person in anyway shape or form.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Rape incest and murder are the only deal breakers. Otherwise I would want to know why they did what they did and then make a judgement.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

O Range said:


> Incest is a crime? I know it's sick, and taboo but a crime? I'm assuming parent/adult figure to kid, right? Or is it a crime in general?


Yes, punishable by life in prison in some states.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_incest#United_States


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

If she was drug dealings. Yes i wouldn't hesitate to break up.


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## Occasional Hope (Dec 9, 2012)

Murder, Incest, Rape and Poisoning. 

Murder: I could possibly change my mind if they had a convincing reason and I believed they had truly repented for it.

Incest: Would be difficult for me to accept this. I guess it could depend on how close biologically the family member was.

Rape: I'm not sure I could ever trust someone enough to be in a relationship with them if they had committed rape.

Poisoning: I hate the idea of intentionally poisoning another being with the sole aim of killing them or harming them against their will. This feeling goes to stupid lengths creating situations like where I refuse to buy simple products such as slug pellets in order to deal with an infestation in the garden, although I'm pretty sure I'd forgive a partner for sprinkling some slug pellets without my knowledge (though I may have to destroy their supply of them :b). 

No idea why poisoning disgusts me the most out of the entire list but I've felt like that from a young age.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Obviously anything heavy like murder and rape and it's over, also, anything that causes significant harm to innocent people. For the rest, I'd like an explanation, or at the very least, I'd like to know whether they regret it or not.


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

Mostly the hard stuff. Petty theft and forgery seem meh, depending on the situation. For example, I've probably committed both when I started high school, but I would never do those things now and I'm a good person. I think the biggest problem for me would be if my partner lied to me about doing these things, such as selling drugs.


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## fury5 (Nov 11, 2013)

I must be crazy. For some reason I think I could forgive murder ._.

Assault, murder, incest, petty theft, and hit and run, I think I could forgive. Only under circumstances though where they genuinely felt remorse and the desire to make amends, and only if the particular crime wasn't THAT terrible. Well I don't think incest is as bad as most of those on there. It's kind of horrible that family could take advantage of them, and at that point I'd just want them to never have anything to do with whatever family was in involved, ever again.

Maybe I'm just used to the news praising soldiers, who kill people and are put on a pedestal. I feel like there are okay reasons for killing another human. I'm not going to forgive a serial killer, for example.

I know it would be scary, there's no doubt about that. But as long as I could learn to trust them I'd be okay. Violence is often a heat of the moment kind of thing. It isn't planned, it isn't desired, it isn't something done out of greed. Someone who has a high set of morals can commit violent acts, so I feel sorry for those in a situation where they lost control, and now no one in the world trusts them.

To be clear, I've barely even ever hit a person (only play fighting, and even then I've never really put my full force into hitting anyone). I'm not a violent person in the least, so I don't feel like it's something that's acceptable merely because I've done it or something like that.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

None of them, taken by themselves, are instant deal breakers. It would depend on the circumstances and who the victim was.

Whether before or during the relationship, any crimes involving children would put the relationship in serious jeopardy. Likewise for those involving animals. (I have *no* tolerance for people who target the truly, wholly defenseless and innocent.)

Crimes involving adults, eh... might be problematic, but not necessarily deal breaking.

Incest would be a major problem if it happened _in_ the relationship. "You cheated on me...? With your _family_?!"


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## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

Selling drugs, hit and run and poisoning only if there were serious harm or death to someone as a result. Assault/battery, murder, rape and any other crimes that are violent would be an automatic breakup.


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

It would really depend on a lot of other things, not the actual crime itself.


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

If she murdered someone there's no chance I'd be with her. Not many women rape but if she did there would be no chance. If it was like theft I wouldn't really care much for that if I could trust her that is. If she sold drugs that is kind of odd but if she's done it would be okay. Basically, if she's violent, indifferent and cruel (severely sociopathic) then I'd say no chance.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

I think I got a bit confused on this one...?

I think I put the things down for which ones I would still stay with them for.


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## starsonfire (May 28, 2013)

Yes, I live in accordance with the laws. I wouldn't be comfortable with any of those things. And one crime could lead to another. Once you cross that line, you'll cross it again.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

If the murder was self-defense, that would be okay.
Rape would be a dealbreaker.

I'd be upset about some of the other things, but if he had a good reason and promised to never do them again, I wouldn't leave him.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

Murder--because anyone capable of murdering another person just cant be trust imo

Rape--ive been raped before, and absolutely NO ONE has a "good excuse" to rape. Id break up in a heartbeat over this.


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## mranonymous14 (Nov 24, 2013)

I think some things are unforgivable because it shows their true character however some petty crimes can be forgiven aslong as it was a mistake they made in their past. I've done a lot of stupid things in my teens but all petty things that didn't warrant jail times e.g driving my mums car which I got caught for


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## mrbeansuperman (Nov 30, 2013)

I think the others can be forgiven except murder, rape, incest and poisoning.

Rape and (voluntary) incest show a very low level of moral character. 

Murder and poisoning - I'd be unwilling to live with such a person fearing they may try it on me.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Murder, incest, rape, poisoning.

Dealbreakers.

I was going to put assault and battery, but I've liked and gone on dates with guys that beat the living sh*t out of other guys before (stabbed them, broken their noses/jaws, etc, one even threw a guy 20 feet over a dried riverbed). They did it in mostly self-defense and protecting someone though so it's not a problem.


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## Ironyinivory (Nov 23, 2013)

no I dont think I could handle a lot of those... nope nope nope. Rape and murder... especially. DUI or buying and selling drugs... yeah I can handle and have. But the rest I just think are too much. I am sort of a goody two shoes.


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## Jaxosix (Jun 27, 2013)

Assault and Battery Murder - YES
Incest - LOL YES 
Rape - YES 
Petty Theft - Nope
Major Theft - Nope
Selling Drugs - Nope
Vandalism - Nope
Joyriding - Nope
Forgery - Nope 
Insider trading - Nope 
Arson - YES
DUI - Take keys when they're drinking. Sorted, So NOPE. If they did it again, YESSSS.
Poisoning - YES, Of course. 
Voyeurism - YES
Buying Illegal Drugs - Depends
Hit and run - NOPE
Fraud - NOPE


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

What's her bra size?


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## Lyle T (Nov 23, 2013)

Men don't care what crimes women commit because we aren't afraid of women.


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## cyanide444 (Oct 20, 2013)

Assault and Battery
Murder: Depends. If it's murder over something trivial, then the individual is unstable, and I'd have to watch my back. Self-defense is fine, and I will consider revenge-killings/acts of rage.
Incest: I don't care. As long as it's in the past. From a philosophical standpoint, I don't see an issue with incest as long as there are no children produced (though I wouldn't do it myself).
Rape: I have no tolerance for rape.
Petty Theft: This is fine. Just don't drag me into s***.
Major Theft: Also fine.
Selling Drugs: I'd be hypocritical if I broke up with someone over this. Hell, I'd probably help.
Vandalism: Don't really care, but I hate it when people do immature s***
Joyriding: See above.
Forgery: Not an issue. I'd be hypocritical if I did make a fuss about this.
Insider trading: Not that much of an issue. Capitalism is capitalism. Deal with it.
Arson: I'm sort of a pyro... This would kind of be a turn on.
DUI: I dislike irresponsible people, but people do stupid stuff sometimes. Not a problem.
Poisoning: See murder.
Voyeurism: Weird, but not something that would be a dealbreaker.
Buying Illegal Drugs: Not too much of an issue. Again, I'd be a hypocrite if I made a fuss about it, and depending on the drug, I'd probably help. If the person has a clear problem, and is dragging me into it, then it would be a reason to consider breaking up.
Hit and run: I think this is a really low thing to do and worse than premeditated murder.
Fraud: See petty theft.

All of these crimes have different magnitudes. It really depends. Things aren't black and white.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

All of the above. I abide by the law strictly. I'd just want someone on the same level.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

arnie said:


> Tell me why below. Does it matter if they have a good excuse or they did it for selfish reasons. What if they are truly sorry about it now?


Joyriding. I would like to be in the car getting my speed on, too. :lol


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

Ironyinivory said:


> no I dont think I could handle a lot of those... nope nope nope. Rape and murder... especially. DUI or buying and selling drugs... yeah I can handle and have. But the rest I just think are too much. I am sort of a goody two shoes.


How can you be a goody two-shoes if you are prepared to tolerate buying and selling drugs (?) You must have a unique definition of the term.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

Most of those would put me off. The deal breakers are anything that could cause serious harm and was premeditated, anything violent (I just don't think I want to associate with violent people), or anything that involved exploiting someone more vulnerable/weaker in a serious way (molesting children or raping a woman). I'd also consider other factors. If someone say did a hit and run when they were drunk, and were devastated, remorseful and haunted by it, I'd take that into account.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Why would anyone break up over insider trading?


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

No rape or incest, otherwise it's case by case.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Why would anyone break up over insider trading?


It doesn't make sense at all does it. It's a victimless crime. You should ask anyoldkindofday, Ape in space, Cronos, David777, Duzie, Evo1114, fanatic203, fury5, iAmCodeMonkey, Ironyinivory, Kanfusuuruq, llodell88, Lottoman, meepie, Monotony, Ntln, Pompeii, scythe7, Tangerine, TicklemeRingo, Tokztero, walkingonice or Zeppelin why they voted that way.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

arnie said:


> It doesn't make sense at all does it. It's a victimless crime. You should ask anyoldkindofday, Ape in space, Cronos, David777, Duzie, Evo1114, fanatic203, fury5, iAmCodeMonkey, Ironyinivory, Kanfusuuruq, llodell88, Lottoman, meepie, Monotony, Ntln, Pompeii, scythe7, Tangerine, TicklemeRingo, Tokztero, walkingonice or Zeppelin why they voted that way.


Eh, I honestly thought it was something else when I voted for it, because English is not my first language. I thought it was more to do with scamming businesses, which is pretty low in my opinion, but now that I read up on what it is, I do think it is a pretty stupid crime to break up with someone over.


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## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

Yes to all of them.

Well... Maybe not voyeurism.


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

diamondheart89 said:


> No rape or incest, otherwise it's case by case.


At first I was going to go with this, and though the non-judging part of my brain wants to say "case by case", people lie. He could manipulate the facts, or outright lie about why he committed the crime to make it seem more reasonable. He could also pretend to have remorse, or claim to have changed when he hasn't. The only circumstance I would date an ex-con is if he told me about his past from the beginning, and he truly was changed. If he committed the crime/s while we were dating, I would most likely break up with him. I just can't deal with that kind of baggage, and it reflects poorly on your character.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Why are so many people okay with voyeurism


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I could date somebody who did Insider Trading, but not if they were sent to prison for several years as what I picture when I think of insider trading. I chose all options...I don't think I could date a criminal of any kind and certainly if our only contact was done behind prison glass.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Didn't include animal cruelty. What about people who tortured animals as a child? My dad shot birds with a bb gun when he was a kid. He still talks about it with glee. Think he also shot at cats but it didn't kill them.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> Joyriding. I would like to be in the car getting my speed on, too. :lol


MM75 is the only one who went down the list and checked off the ones that are turn-ons.

This was about *deal breakers*, man!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Just Lurking said:


> MM75 is the only one who went down the list and checked off the ones that are turn-ons.
> 
> This was about *deal breakers*, man!


It's a turn off when I am left out, yo!

...oh, and VANDALISM is a turn off, too!


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

I checked off lots of them to be honest, I already had someone who sold drugs behind my back. And once I found out they were a rapist I pretty much bailed and broke up with them.

And as for voyeurism, yeah that's pretty creepy in my opinion.


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## TeenyBeany (Sep 3, 2008)

It would really depend on how long it's been since the DUI and petty theft. It would also depend on how petty the theft was (pencil from teacher?).


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

starburst93 said:


> At first I was going to go with this, and though the non-judging part of my brain wants to say "case by case", people lie. He could manipulate the facts, or outright lie about why he committed the crime to make it seem more reasonable. He could also pretend to have remorse, or claim to have changed when he hasn't. The only circumstance I would date an ex-con is if he told me about his past from the beginning, and he truly was changed. If he committed the crime/s while we were dating, I would most likely break up with him. I just can't deal with that kind of baggage, and it reflects poorly on your character.


I've done a bunch of stuff on that list so I can't really pretend to have the moral highground. Except when it comes to rape, incest, animal cruelty, and murder. Oh and pedophilia, that wasn't included but that's a definite nono. And poisoning. I didn't read that one the first time around.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I'm okay with knowing a girl bought drugs but not one who sold them. I want to try doing drugs that's probably why


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I wouldn't mind the buying illegal drugs. But yeah, murder, rape, pimping, incest, domestic violence, animal abuse a no to me.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

diamondheart89 said:


> Rape incest and murder are the only deal breakers.


This.

I wouldn't Judge anyone on their past as long as they are not still doing whatever they did. God knows I've done some pretty bad stuff myself in my youth.


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## pastelsound (Dec 27, 2012)

murder, incest, rape, major theft, forgery, insider trading, arson, poisoning, voyeurism, hit and run

the first 3 are pretty obvious. i picked major theft, forgery, insider trading, because I don't want to get involved with someone who does this kind of stuff. might come back to me. arson creeps me out and so is poisoning, wtf is going through this guy's head? voyeurism is creepy and hit and run makes him hateful


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

I'm a bit curious why rape is seen to more people as worse than murder, and that murder isn't as much of a deal breaker as rape is.

I'm not saying rape isn't bad, or that it shouldn't be a deal breaker, its definitely a horrible crime. It's more curiosity as to why murderers are more deserving of trust than a rapist.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I absolutely won't date a man who abuses animals. Animal cruelty is a BIG dealbreaker for me. Same with child abuse.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Anyone who raped, molested, abused animals, attempted murder,incesr, murder I'll break up. Anything else I can deal with


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

scooby said:


> I'm a bit curious why rape is seen to more people as worse than murder, and that murder isn't as much of a deal breaker as rape is.
> 
> I'm not saying rape isn't bad, or that it shouldn't be a deal breaker, its definitely a horrible crime. It's more curiosity as to why murderers are more deserving of trust than a rapist.


Maybe if the murder was justified or in self defense. You can't justify rape in my opinion.


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## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

Hard to say, I don't know the context of why they committed any of these crime. But, people make mistakes so I wouldn't hold any of these indiscretion against them if I found the reason valid.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

starburst93 said:


> Maybe if the murder was justified or in self defense. You can't justify rape in my opinion.


I don't think you can justify murder either. Murder is premeditated killing, isn't it? Self defence killing isn't considered murder. I would not feel safe at all if my partner planned and followed through with a murder. What if they got angry at me for some reason and thought murdering me was justified?


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

I checked off:

Murder
Incest
Rape
Major Theft
Forgery
Arson
Poisoning
Voyeurism
Fraud
Other (such as kidnapping, genocide, what have you...)

Basically, the things that it takes a conscious mind not under the influence of such things like mind-altering substances or fear and/or terror. Additionally, the crime needs to be one that inflicts significant damage against an individual (not a corporation) (forgery counts, as it can relate to theft in that regard, depending on how you use the forged currency.) Special cases, such as vehicular manslaughter, would also qualify to me even though they don't meet the first criteria, due to the amount of damage directed against an individual(s), even while not of a sober mind, 

Assault and Battery may sound questionable, but the crime's so broad that it can involve a lot of different scenarios, so I'm willing to let that pass. There are certain assaults that I can justify (so, it's really a crime that a potential partner would need to have a damn good reason for - such as assaulting a dude who violated a sibling, or something. I find that highly justified.)


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

scooby said:


> I don't think you can justify murder either. Murder is premeditated killing, isn't it? Self defence killing isn't considered murder. I would not feel safe at all if my partner planned and followed through with a murder. What if they got angry at me for some reason and thought murdering me was justified?


Well i'm assuming it was implying all homicide, some people refer to homicide as murder even if it were manslaughter or killing in self defense. Maybe the people who didn't select murder had confused them. That's the only way it makes any sense to me. Personally I agree with you.


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## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

If she was really enthusiastic about at least half the things I'm interested in, I might have to overlook all her crimes. :b

I'm just kidding, but if she was all like: "You're right, tennis *was* better back in the days of serve-and-volley, and Radagast was always my favourite wizard too, even before The Hobbit film. Oh and they should never have messed with the shape of the Tholian ship in Star Trek: Remastered, because it's just too iconic. And I hate Michael Grade too!" it would be a heavy blow, to learn that she was also a psycho killer.


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## renegade disaster (Jul 28, 2009)

tennislover84 said:


> If she was really enthusiastic about at least half the things I'm interested in, I might have to overlook all her crimes. :b
> 
> I'm just kidding, but if she was all like: "You're right, tennis *was* better back in the days of serve-and-volley, and Radagast was always my favourite wizard too, even before The Hobbit film. Oh and they should never have messed with the shape of the Tholian ship in Star Trek: Remastered, because it's just too iconic. And I hate Michael Grade too!" it would be a heavy blow, to learn that she was also a psycho killer.


:lol


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