# Work colleague interrogation



## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

I'm wondering if anyone else at work tends to me questioned more so than fellow colleagues. By that I mean questioned on daily activities/decisions at work, your private life - anything really. The sorts of questions that never seem to crop up between other colleagues, but questions that they'll happily ask you.

To give you an example of this, tomorrow is my mother's 59th birthday. Towards the end of last week I was, to be blunt, interrogated about this and made to feel embarrassed.

I was asked what I was getting her, how much her present cost and why didn't I consider something else and/or spend even more money (that I don't have). Almost all my work colleagues have partners or are married, so two incomes are going into the household. I don't have the pleasure of this. They want to know why I picked what I chose and even criticise my timing if I buy it too early or late. Whatever I say, it's never the correct answer. I've done something horrendously wrong...

I've had enough of it. It's none of their god-damn business what I do and don't do. In future, I won't bother mentioning any personal event as over the last four years of working there, it's rubbish like this which I've had to put up with and made to feel guilty about. They want to see me suffer. They want to see me bankrupt myself for one-off occasions.

I never, ever hear any fellow colleagues in my office get probed as much as I do over matters which don't concern them in any way shape or form. If I probed the same people about all their decisions and that they're somehow being lazy or penny-pinching, I'm pretty sure I'd be told where to go. For some reason though, they want to ask and then argue with my own choices and decisions. Then their response is on how they are right and I'm always wrong.

Next month, it's my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. I've been pushed and probed on what I'm getting them for this for almost an entire year when I let it slip. They're very upset with me because I won't treat them to a two night five star hotel stay that would cost me almost a third of my entire annual salary. Seriously... They just don't seem to understand that I don't have a magic money tree in my garden. I've got to save very hard to get along in life. I'm not a socialist and my family in general are not people for big occasions. I try telling them this and all I get is that it's "_no excuse_". :no :um

Does anyone else in their own workplaces endure this...?

Is it any wonder why I have SA when I'm clearly singled out for rubbish like this? Is it any wonder why I no longer attend any events or parties they arrange?


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## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

From my experince, they're just trying to get a conversation going, even though I will admit, it does get annoying.


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## bronze120 (Feb 7, 2015)

Yes, but then it could have been paranoia. 

There was one girl though, at a place I worked at in the past, that was very NOSY like that. She was trying to dig up info about me and slipping it out loud for others to hear.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

My coworkers are not terribly friendly and never really ask such personal questions.


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## Aeiou (Feb 11, 2015)

> Does anyone else in their own workplaces endure this...?


oh, yeah!
"What did you do during the weekend?"
"Who are you going to meet tonight?"
"Did you visit your parents recently?"

But the worst part, in my opinion, is not the regular interrogation I have to go through.
The worst part is my colleague talking - believe me! - ALL DAY LONG about ALL she's living/thinking/feeling/experiencing/doing in her life and about I don't give a ****.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

This is more than simply getting a conversation going. I don't mind answering questions or discussing my personal life (to a degree) if I'm asked about it. What bothers me is the way my response is then 'probed'. For instance, why I gave the particular answer I did. If I answered 'X', I'd then be asked why didn't I do 'Y' or 'Z'. I can guarantee, if I answered 'Y', they'd ask me why I didn't do 'X' or 'Z'. Whatever I say, they're never satisfied with.

When they talk to other people about their lives, they accept and usually agree with the response given by the person they're asking. It's the sensible, polite thing to do. That's never, ever the case for me. I'm interrogated on almost every response I give and I simply don't know why.

Over the last year or so I've tried to distance myself from them, even though I have to work in the same office as them. I think I'm going to have to try and ramp up the efforts on this again as I can't go on like this. If they're determined to single me out for constant criticism on just about anything I do apart from breathing, then I'd rather them not talk to me at all when it comes to personal matters. I'm used to be snubbed and ignored in most aspects of my life (apart from when I'm there to be criticised or when something I've done goes wrong - then people want to know me), so it'll make no difference to me.

When it comes to hearing about other people's lives, I do overhear most things in our office but I try to pay no attention. It's usually something good/positive/lucky - things I never, ever have. Booking a lengthy foreign holiday (what's a '_hol-i-day_'?!), going out with friends most evenings or weekends (what are '_friends_'?!), going to someone's stag do/hen night/wedding e.t.c&#8230; Generally normal things that I never experience.


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## SadnessAndDespair (Feb 16, 2016)

I've been experiencing this in my dorm. People ask what I have being doing all day (at dinner time), and then probe in a "I know you have no life" kind of way. It sounds completely paranoid, but I no one else on my dorm floor gets probed this way.


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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

Ur probably like me secretive and you have nosey coworkers. I use to have some like this...some people are just really social and they ask because they are trying to make conversation. I would just make a joke and say gosh don't be so nosey lol. That way you can dismiss it.


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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

SadnessAndDespair said:


> I've been experiencing this in my dorm. People ask what I have being doing all day (at dinner time), and then probe in a "I know you have no life" kind of way. It sounds completely paranoid, but I no one else on my dorm floor gets probed this way.


This is def. a SAD problem lol. My grandpa gets so mad cause I don't like telling people what I do all day cause I feel they will judge me if I'm not doing something they'd think was important or cool so I get defensive and secretive. I also feel that it's just my business and I want to keep my life to myself, it gives me a sense of control over at least some parts if my life...


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## Meroko (Nov 7, 2014)

Hayman said:


> I'm wondering if anyone else at work tends to me questioned more so than fellow colleagues. By that I mean questioned on daily activities/decisions at work, your private life - anything really. The sorts of questions that never seem to crop up between other colleagues, but questions that they'll happily ask you.
> 
> To give you an example of this, tomorrow is my mother's 59th birthday. Towards the end of last week I was, to be blunt, interrogated about this and made to feel embarrassed.
> 
> ...


I tend to get questioned less than my co-workers. They usually just say hi and bye to me. i'm pretty much the invisible person at work.


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## NoDak81 (Oct 26, 2015)

Hayman said:


> I'm wondering if anyone else at work tends to me questioned more so than fellow colleagues. By that I mean questioned on daily activities/decisions at work, your private life - anything really. The sorts of questions that never seem to crop up between other colleagues, but questions that they'll happily ask you.
> 
> To give you an example of this, tomorrow is my mother's 59th birthday. Towards the end of last week I was, to be blunt, interrogated about this and made to feel embarrassed.
> 
> ...


I have a coworker who took it upon herself to ask when I was getting married and tell me that I needed a woman in my life. Talk about nosy.

I have family who interrogates like you mentioned.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Meroko said:


> I tend to get questioned less than my co-workers. They usually just say hi and bye to me. i'm pretty much the invisible person at work.


The only times I really get spoken to is on the interrogation I discussed above. Other than that, I'm largely invisible when it comes to other conversations in the office. The only times I'm spoken to (or 'at') is when I'm told I've done something wrong or when my way of life is probed. I can try and join in with other conversations and people will simply talk over me and not even acknowledge my efforts - yet without so much of a hint of irony tell me I need to make "_more effort_" when I'm doing precisely that... The absolute best I can achieve is probably a very blunt "_yeah_" or "_no_", before they turn away from me and carry wittering on with everyone else.

I've long since come to the conclusion that I simply cannot win with them.



NoDak81 said:


> I have a coworker who took it upon herself to ask when I was getting married and tell me that I needed a woman in my life. Talk about nosy.
> 
> I have family who interrogates like you mentioned.


I don't recall having ever been asked when I'm getting married. If I have, it must have been a long time ago or it was something that just went in one ear and out of the other (most things do...).

I've been told countless times by young couples that I need a woman in my life. I tend to find young couples put themselves up on pedestals as some sort of 'shining beacon' of wise knowledge. It's as if they can do no wrong or say no wrong. Again, all it does is confirm that there is a stigma against single people - particularly once they're upwards of 25. They're pushed and probed without consideration as to whether they're actually happy being single or whether they simply don't have the same easy/good fortune as others. There seems to be no acceptance that some people, particularly quieter (beta) men, are now finding it extremely difficult to get women to even look at them.


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