# councelor doesn't shut up



## ThirdEyeGrind (Feb 7, 2006)

I just started seeing a councelor. He seems like a good person to see as he himself had some social anxiety during his adolesence and can relate. The only problem I have with him is that during the almost 2 hour session we had he talked about his own adolesence for atleast an hour and I hardly said anything. When we were done he was like "oh, i only got done asking one of the questions I wanted to ask you, guess we'll talk bout it next time" (and he had like 5 or 6 questions I think). I really wanted to say SHUT UP! alot but I couldn't cause I don't want him thinking im an *** or something. What to do?


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

I don't think he should be really opening up like that. He should definitely be giving you the time to talk and process things that are on your mind. Definitely. There are good things like your therapist but a negative like the one you describe but it sounds like he's a relational type. 

Hmm. I don't know what to say. 

Personally if I were you, i would say that by interupting him with soft spoken "Umms." Then catching your attention, "Excuse me that's nice to hear that you can relate to me, but I would like to focus on me, please. My sessions are important to me on how I want to do in them and how I want to proceed. So could we change how we work more, and focus on particularly me. Again, I don't mean to cut you off, and I like you as a good person and therapist, so please can we work in the way I would like to? Thanks."

I don't know that's what I would say?

Gerard


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I agreee with Gerard, it's nice that he tells you a little about himself and lets you know he can relate but he shouldn't open up like that to a client. He also uses up your time with his anecdotes which comes on top. Maybe it was a one-off. I would see how it goes next time. 

Actually raising it as a problem in a conversation him.... I would leave that as a last resort. If you point mistakes out to people they often get a bit funny. Unless he's the kind of person who can take criticism on the chin it might affect your working with him.

I would start the next session by asking him what those questions were he wanted to ask.

Lisa


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## lilly (Mar 22, 2006)

I've had a counsellor like this before but they didn't take up all my time. You are paying for that time so I'd move on I think. Even when they keep saying the same stories again and again I got fed up. Good luck with everything.


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## Jmoney (May 26, 2007)

You are the customer so don't be afraid to tell him what YOU need from him. I think a little relating is great and comforting but he needs to get to the bottom line and treat you and not waste your money in sessions :spank


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

He should be talking a lot to describe how CBT works and what he expects of you, and he should be guiding your process. Some of his experiences are good to put the new information in context, but if you never speak then its possible he thinks he's 'figured you out' when in fact you feel unlistened to.

Tell him!

Ross


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## Jmoney (May 26, 2007)

I hope you got things straightened out and have been making more progress :kiss


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Give him another chance but speak up politely if he goes on more than a few minutes. He obviously needs someone to talk to about his life. In that respect he should be paying you.


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## Jmoney (May 26, 2007)

FairleighCalm said:


> Give him another chance but speak up politely if he goes on more than a few minutes. He obviously needs someone to talk to about his life. In that respect he should be paying you.


Good advice and lol on that last part :lol


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