# My best friend made sure everyone hates me now



## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Hey everyone, firstly, thank you so so much for those who are reading this, it means so much to me.

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I have known my best friend (24yr, girl) for about 7 years. Everything went well, except that she got mad at me occasionally and would never really tell me why when I asked her.

About 2 years ago, I had a breakup with my boyfriend and I was in a pretty bad place. When I reached out to her, she kept saying things like how my breakup changed her life and how it is affecting her and the group of friends. This made me feel worse and I stopped really talking about my problems towards her.

I was isolating myself a bit because I didn't want to bother anyone anymore, like I apparently had bothered her with my problems and I needed some time to recover.

After a while I got into a new relationship and she again started saying how it affected her and she kept saying that she wondered if she agreed with the relationship or not.

She started dating someone from our group of friends herself, ironically enough, and then she basically kept cancelling our plans or would not show up and then notify me that she was at her boyfriend's, she always came up with a good excuse so I kept forgiving her.

She got into a fight with my boyfriend and then basically just released all her anger that she kept bottled up to me and she would just snap at me and I never knew what I did wrong and she wouldn't tell me, but she would start ignoring me and wait until I begged for her forgiveness, basically.

The dynamics we had made me feel super anxious whenever I would know that I would see her, so I refrained myself from making contact for a while, because I was super scared to talk to her. I then received a very hateful message from her saying that I was the reason why our friendship had bled dry. I then was fed up with her behaviour and I told her that I would have no problems with talking things through, but I would not talk to her if she kept being so hateful. She agreed to a conversation. We talked and everything seemed okay, but whenever I sent her messages afterwards, I would only get very short replies or no replies at all. She wouldn't talk to me herself, so then I just stopped trying.

I hadn't heard from her for a while until we went to a concert with another friend (the tickets were bought a while back) and she basically just ignored me the entire time, not answering when I answered her questions and stuff and never looking at me, she really put in a lot of effort of ignoring me since I was just trying to be normal and make it a fun night, but she would always look away if I tried to make eye contact or talk.

I week ago, I saw her again at a convention and when I said hi she just turned her back to me. I really cannot handle people being angry with me so I was so scared and anxious and shaky the entire day and I just felt like crying, while it should have been a really fun day.

Normally I would have tried to contact her, saying that I wanted to talk things through, but now I don't really want to do this anymore. I have done this every time something was wrong for 7 years and my psychologist said that it was her method of making sure that she still had power over me, because I would always be the one running to her and not the other way around.

But the problem is, that our similar friends and the friends from uni that I introduced her to stopped talking to me. They don't reply when I send them messages or avoid eye contact when I meet them and don't talk to me. They make plans without involving me and no one will talk to me. They were pretty much the only friends I had and now it feels like I have no friends anymore.

I really don't know what to do. My psychologist says that this proves that they aren't really friends at all if they don't want to hear my side of the story and just start ignoring me without talking to me first. But I feel so alone and I feel like a failure of a person. I just wanted to make people happy, but everyone hates me and is angry with me.

Has anyone had a similar situation? How did you handle it? Or do you have any advise on how to handle this? Am I a bad person? Did I handle things poorly?

I'm so sorry for this long message, thank you so much for reading this, I hope you will have a beautiful day.

Love,
Snow


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

I'm so sorry for the long post, it is a long story of me complaining. But I saw that some people read it. Even though maybe it was read for a tiny part, I am very grateful to be listened to, because it was all becoming just a big mess inside my head. Thank you and have a great day<3


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

I have no idea what you wrote here .


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> I have no idea what you wrote here .


What do you mean?


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

I think she sounds like a pretty bad friend; did you ever find out what she was so angry about?

Try not to blame yourself, it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

Yeah all i got from this thread is that her friend is a real b1tch .


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Red October said:


> I think she sounds like a pretty bad friend; did you ever find out what she was so angry about?
> 
> Try not to blame yourself, it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong


I never found out why she is angry at me now, because no one ever told me. Everyone just ignores me now. For a long time I thought I was being paranoid, but now it's getting clearer everyday that they are deliberately not talking to me and excluding me.

A lot of times in the past she would be angry with me and in the cases that I did found out the reason, it was never related to me. If she had an argument with my boyfriend she would get mad at me, or if she had a bad day at work she would get mad at me and just snap and then ignore me for a while. But this time it's much worse than the times she was mad at me before.

At the concert she talked to the other friend and she said some things that made me think that she had a breakup with her boyfriend, but she never told me this either. I thought maybe she is mad at me because if they broke up, I wasn't there for her. Because I didn't know. But this is all speculation.

Thank you for replying


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> Yeah all i got from this thread is that her friend is a real b1tch .


I'm sorry, is my English not understandable? I can understand it if it gets a bit messy. It is difficult to put your thoughts to words, especially in another language.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would find out information from one of the people in the group - in person.
Something doesn't sound right.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

I think she's taking advantage of you, as a way of venting frustration about all her other problems

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you have a tendancy to try and blame yourself for all the bad things that she's doing; but if she wont even tell you what the problem is, then it's not fair on you to be expected to change or do something to solve it

Do you enjoy spending time with her? or have shared interests, fun times, etc?


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## mt moyt (Jul 29, 2015)

your friend sounds really horrible, i hope you don't beg for forgiveness ever again, its not worth it/not good for you. 

also, it seems really weird that your other friends aren't talking to you? i guess maybe your friend said something? i would ask them like milleniumman said.


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

millenniumman75 said:


> I would find out information from one of the people in the group - in person.
> Something doesn't sound right.


I think you're right. I have been thinking about this. I am very scared to do it, because it might trigger for hell to break loose, but it's the only way I can find out. I wanted to do this by first initiating a convo and then maybe slowly come to the subject, but this was not successful because no one will talk to me. Maybe only if I send them a message and being super direct about noticing that they are ignoring me.

Thank you for your advise!


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Red October said:


> I think she's taking advantage of you, as a way of venting frustration about all her other problems
> 
> You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you have a tendancy to try and blame yourself for all the bad things that she's doing; but if she wont even tell you what the problem is, then it's not fair on you to be expected to change or do something to solve it
> 
> Do you enjoy spending time with her? or have shared interests, fun times, etc?


Thank you so much for your reply. I know, I think it might be part of the problem. Because I always came running to her to try to solve things and apologize, I think she might have gotten used to it. But now I stopped doing that after consulting with my psychologist and I think she might be angry with me that the dynamics of our friendship now changed.

We used to have a lot of shared interests and talk about it all the time and have lots of fun, but now I just feel anxious about being near her, because I'm just scared she will snap or be hurtful. The last time when I talked about things that we used to like together in front of other people, she said that it was stupid and was amazed that I ''still liked those things''.


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

mt moyt said:


> your friend sounds really horrible, i hope you don't beg for forgiveness ever again, its not worth it/not good for you.
> 
> also, it seems really weird that your other friends aren't talking to you? i guess maybe your friend said something? i would ask them like milleniumman said.


Thank you so much for your reply. I won't do it again. I kind of think I used to do it to end conflicts, because I really hate fights and arguments and I find it super difficult to deal with people being mad at me, but I think it is my fault that things are now like this, because I was always saying that she was right when she was mad at me, so I don't think she can do much about it now.

And I think you are right. Last time, when she had sent very angry messages and we had a talk afterwards, she told me that she ''explained'' the situation to at least 3 people that we both are friends with and one of them came to me and said that I should be nicer to her. I then explained to him what happened in my eyes and it seemed like he understood, but now he doesn't talk to me at all anymore so, I don't know if it really made a difference.


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## Jadewolf (Sep 8, 2016)

Your friend sounds like a real parasite. She's sucking away your happiness and confidence.
Break contact with her, cut her oiut of your life and move on. You can make more friends.
The other people ignoring you sound like idiots.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

puffysnow said:


> Thank you so much for your reply. I won't do it again. I kind of think I used to do it to end conflicts, because I really hate fights and arguments and I find it super difficult to deal with people being mad at me, but I think it is my fault that things are now like this, because I was always saying that she was right when she was mad at me, so I don't think she can do much about it now.


I really dislike conflict as well, so I try to just forgive and move on.
It's not your fault for saying she was right though. Sure, it may give her the impression that she can do what she likes, but if she abuses that, that's her fault.
It would be good if you could say 'no', when you feel it, but for your own sake - not for anyone else


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Jadewolf said:


> Your friend sounds like a real parasite. She's sucking away your happiness and confidence.
> Break contact with her, cut her oiut of your life and move on. You can make more friends.
> The other people ignoring you sound like idiots.


Thank you so much for your reply. I don't really want to make contact with her right now, but it is quite inevitable because she hangs out with people I know from uni and I just seem to bump into her at events that I go to. I try to ignore the situation as much as possible and focus on the good things and the nice people.


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Milco said:


> I really dislike conflict as well, so I try to just forgive and move on.
> It's not your fault for saying she was right though. Sure, it may give her the impression that she can do what she likes, but if she abuses that, that's her fault.
> It would be good if you could say 'no', when you feel it, but for your own sake - not for anyone else


Thank you so so much for understanding, I really want to learn how to do this. Luckily I have help now, practice makes perfect. ^^


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## LadyApathy (Dec 2, 2014)

Yeah your psychologist sounds right. I think none of them were ever truly your friend to begin with....especially since they didn't even bother hearing your side of the story and that girl who you've been friends with for 7 years sounds like a straight up dramatic bittch. Fuk dat ho. She just sounds like the type of girl who loves drama and like she likes having power over your. You sound like a very sweet person who knows how to compromise and stuff, so you deserve better friends. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Old thread but that friend sure sounds like she has some sociopath in her . 
I do wonder what lies she told to get all other friends to become haters . What a ***** and what a poor bunch of so called friends .


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

LadyApathy said:


> Yeah your psychologist sounds right. I think none of them were ever truly your friend to begin with....especially since they didn't even bother hearing your side of the story and that girl who you've been friends with for 7 years sounds like a straight up dramatic bittch. Fuk dat ho. She just sounds like the type of girl who loves drama and like she likes having power over your. You sound like a very sweet person who knows how to compromise and stuff, so you deserve better friends.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thank you so much for your reply. I feel a bit bad because she has really nice qualities as well but I am only talking about the bad stuff that has happened between us two. And, I don't know.. maybe in her head it really feels as if I really hurt her or did her wrong, I will never know because she won't tell me. I just want to be a good person and I hope that she can find happiness again as well, because I can't imagine that she feels very good if she is just constantly mad and raging, basically. I'm going to try to talk to one of the people who ignore me and see if I can get more info from them.

Once again, thank you so much for your comment!


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

Grog said:


> Old thread but that friend sure sounds like she has some sociopath in her .
> I do wonder what lies she told to get all other friends to become haters . What a ***** and what a poor bunch of so called friends .


I would really like to know what she told the others. I don't know if it's a lie, it is possible that I really did something to hurt her that I am not aware of, or maybe in her mind I really destroyed her or something. If she feels that I hurt her and she tells people this, then I guess I get why they would be mad. I would just have hoped that they would care about my side of the story as well


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## puffysnow (Jun 14, 2016)

DrKitty said:


> You and her may had been friends for seven years, but that doesn't seem to change how poorly she treats you. I think you should cut off all relations with her. She doesn't deserve your respect and your friendship. As for your group of friends from uni, you should cut them off too. In my opinion, they are just as bad as your friend of seven years. I would send them all a message explaining your side of the story and how you are disappointed in them for treating you like that considering that you guys were all friends. They should feel sorry and regret for what they are doing. Then if you want, block them! They never even got to hear your side of the story and decided to just cut you off. Who does that? Only inconsiderate people do that. Find better friends who treat you better.


Thank you so much for your reply, all of this feedback really helps me a lot and put things into perspective, so I am super grateful, thank you. After thinking for a long while, I think it's the best if I don't contact her anymore. I can't say if this is her personality or if it's our friendship that causes the dynamics to be like this, but I don't think the friendship is good for either of us. I think that being angry all the time is really exhausting too and maybe that just makes her more angry. I don't know, I just wished that she could be happy, always ending up in drama and causing drama can cause so much stress.

As for my uni friends, I don't really know what she told them. But, I don't know.. intuitively I would say that people don't just start ignoring people for no reason, so maybe what she told them is really bad. Maybe I did something that hurt her and she just told them how she felt. It would make it much easier for me if someone told me, though. But at the same time I feel like I am a person with feelings too and I feel like I should also have the right to be sympathized with, not just her.

I was thinking of maybe writing a letter or something, but if I would send it, maybe it would just cause hell to break loose or for them to just read it amongst the group and then laugh at it.

Thank you so much for your reply, it really means a lot to me


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## LotusBloom (May 30, 2015)

You are not a bad person. There is really no way of knowing how you could’ve handled it better because even you don’t know what’s going on.

When I first read your post it sounded like a relationship between an immature (emotionally incompetent) couple. It is easy to manipulate and take for granted someone that comes crawling back. Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude.

What your psychologist said is a very reasonable response to this situation.

And what a wonderful thing to say "I just wished that she could be happy" :cry. That's what a good friend should be thinking!
And yes, you do have the right to be sympathized with! 

I’m not as talkative right now, so I’ll just do this :hug:squeeze
Take care, you will definitely be in a happier and lovely place after you sort out what to do.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

She sounds like a bad friend.


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