# Still "pure"?



## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

I've noticed a lot of people (including myself) have never had a romantic relationship. I'm not asking this to be a pervert, but I've generally felt like the oldest living virgin in the world and am wondering if I'm alone there. And I'm not like some of these other people here... wishing I could seek out to lose it... I just wish I had a steady, stable and long lasting relationship in which I could if I felt it were the right person.


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

I'm 35 and a virgin.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

i got u beat by about a yr. im a virgin here too really does not bother me though. not to sound conceded but im decent looking --my sa holds me back.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

Safeway said:


> i got u beat by about a yr. im a virgin here too really does not bother me though. not to sound conceded but im decent looking --my sa holds me back.


Just curious... if you got over the SA, would you lose it just to lose it?


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

actually i probably would not cause i am kind of religious. but i certainly would be dating.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

I had a vague goal to lose it before I turned 20 but that just passed. I'm not so worried now. I have one relationship under my belt now. If I managed once I can manage again, even if it'll be difficult. I've had a few random opportunities but have blown them because I'm still not better yet. I think the virgin aspect will come with time. For now, I'm more concerned with continuing to be open with girls.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

18, virgin, and i don't really care.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I'm almost 27 and still a virgin and I really don't see that changing any time soon, unfortunately.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm 32 and I've never touched a woman other than shaking hands at formal events. I've never even been hugged by anyone.  I'm so shy and intimidated around women I can't manage simple eye contact. The act of physical intimacy is so foreign to me I can't even imagine what it feels like.

Celibacy doesn't bother me that much anymore. I'm extremely lonely right now and would much rather have companionship and a meaningful relationship. I would give up everything I own just to be in love. :sigh


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## Prism (Dec 17, 2004)

i'm 20 years old and never kissed a girl. It used to bother me but not anymore. I'm not interested in meaningless "relations." I did some dirty dancing at a club that was way too intimate and realized how pointless and empty it was if it's not the right person. I want a relationship with substance before I even think about losing virginity.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

My last boyfriend was until age 25. he has a medical condition, actually invisible, but affects a lot.. I would hate to have heard a THING rude people might have said... :mum :twak 

I hate to hear anyone made fun of or criticized for being a virgin/"inexperienced"/whatever for any reason, actually... :mum :no


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Uh, yeah......
I'm in a similar boat as Lonelyguy - only I am a month OLDER :fall.

I just passed up an opportunity to meet someone my stepmom has been trying to fix me up with. I have been through too much this year (and still am) to even think I could be emotionally ready for a relationship. My entire life in 2007 is in upheaval (other than my job - but that was affected five years ago).


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## eekmd (Jun 19, 2005)

You're not missing much. It's very overrated. 

I'd much rather have a meaningful relationship with a compatible person...and occasional snuggles..


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

I think my virginity is growing back!  

I haven't been with anyone since my wife left me in '93. I use to worry about it a lot but lately I have a hard time figuring out why anyone would want to be with me so I've pretty much given up on the idea that I'll ever be with anyone ever again. Part of me is ok with that and part of me isn't... :rain


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

eekmd said:


> You're not missing much. It's very overrated.
> 
> I'd much rather have a meaningful relationship with a compatible person...and occasional snuggles..


I feel like I am missing out though. But I wish I got into a good long-term relationship 10 years ago. And with lots of cuddling and snuggling.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Never had sex, never been kissed, never dated. To hell with sex, I just want to experience kissing.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

Safeway said:


> actually i probably would not cause i am kind of religious. but i certainly would be dating.


You have just single-handedly restored my faith in the males species. Thank you, very much. :mushy


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

--cool.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

Prism said:


> i'm 20 years old and never kissed a girl. It used to bother me but not anymore. I'm not interested in meaningless "relations." I did some dirty dancing at a club that was way too intimate and realized how pointless and empty it was if it's not the right person. I want a relationship with substance before I even think about losing virginity.


...Are you serious? Are you guys serious? Are you seriously for real? lol Sorry... I honestly did not believe guys had the ability to think this way. I'm always really kind of sassy, sarcastic, and a bit morbid around guys because I hate how they'll seemingly cheat on anyone if given the opportunity. I mean, don't get me wrong... Taurus's have a very sensual nature, and I believe that's a very important part of a relationship... I just don't see it being very good with someone I'm not completely in love with. I thought that was just the unrealistic girl in me with too many morals... but my God, if there actually ARE guys that see eye to eye with me there... to hell with living alone with cats forever :b


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Guys like us, who don't have a desire to be promiscuous, aren't likely to be open about it with anybody unless it's with the person we want to be with. It's a vicious circle. 

I don't stop at not wanting to just go out and get laid myself, but I don't think I could be with a girl who has a history of promiscuity. I don't want to be the guy that some girl "settles for" when she's finally done "having fun".


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

Futures said:


> I'm almost 27 and still a virgin and I really don't see that changing any time soon, unfortunately.


Ditto. Not that I would be looking to change that, anyway. I'd rather just have someone to talk to, hug, and cuddle with. I realize this isn't going to happen, though, because I'm remarkably repulsive in appearance.



PGVan said:


> I don't stop at not wanting to just go out and get laid myself, but I don't think I could be with a girl who has a history of promiscuity. I don't want to be the guy that some girl "settles for" when she's finally done "having fun".


That's basically the way I look at it when women have been interested in me, too, because invariably I was more a last resort choice than a "this is who I want" choice. They were already with the ones they wanted. I'd rather be alone than have that looming over me the rest of my life, though at the time my following along with the pushing was because I thought it would be my only/last chance. They dumped me over not doing what they wanted when they wanted.


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## Prism (Dec 17, 2004)

GlowBug23 said:


> Prism said:
> 
> 
> > i'm 20 years old and never kissed a girl. It used to bother me but not anymore. I'm not interested in meaningless "relations." I did some dirty dancing at a club that was way too intimate and realized how pointless and empty it was if it's not the right person. I want a relationship with substance before I even think about losing virginity.
> ...


I don't think being a Taurus has anything to do with it. I know a good amount of guys who think like I do. I go to a Christian University so there's probably more than usual there. Anyway it's worth waiting for, otherwise it's just cheap, meaningless thrills (and let's not get started about the bad stuff that goes with it - pregnancy, std's, emotional problems, etc.)


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

GlowBug23 said:


> Safeway said:
> 
> 
> > actually i probably would not cause i am kind of religious. but i certainly would be dating.
> ...


Likewise - there are plenty of guys with this mindset.


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## GlowBug23 (Dec 21, 2007)

PGVan said:


> Guys like us, who don't have a desire to be promiscuous, aren't likely to be open about it with anybody unless it's with the person we want to be with. It's a vicious circle.
> 
> I don't stop at not wanting to just go out and get laid myself, but I don't think I could be with a girl who has a history of promiscuity. I don't want to be the guy that some girl "settles for" when she's finally done "having fun".


That makes a lot of sense, actually. But let me ask you this... how do you expect the person you want to be with to actually believe you when you say that, and not think it's just your way of lying to them so you can get what you want? ...This is more of a question aimed at the guys who, I guess for "macho" reasons, act like they're promiscuous when really they're not.

I'm excited now, and now only want to know how to spot a fake.

To all of the above guys who wrote back, thanks a million. I have a whole lot more respect for you than a lot of people out there.

:mushy :mushy :mushy :mushy


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

I'm still as pure as the fallen snow. I don't even touch myself in a sexual way; I consider it to be self-gay. I don't mind visual stimulation, but watching and doing are two different things. Even visual stimulation has become dry for me lately, so I really don't get excited anymore, which is not to say I did a whole lot in the first place.

Even though I place much more emphasis on an emotional connection when it comes to physical contact, whether sex is even involved or not, I'm at a point in my life where I just don't care anymore anyway. I've decided to die a virgin, whether by my own hands or natural death. I can respect myself better that way. Only under very specific certumstances would I reconsider.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Formerly Artie said:


> I don't even touch myself in a sexual way; I consider it to be self-gay.


not sure if youre joking or being serious but i had to :lol on that one. i have to steal it


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## SexySadie (Dec 17, 2007)

nubly said:


> Formerly Artie said:
> 
> 
> > I don't even touch myself in a sexual way; I consider it to be self-gay.
> ...


Lol, yeah that's one I haven't heard before. Here I was all this time thinking I'm straight. Turns out I'm totally gay for myself. :stu


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## free thinker (Nov 11, 2003)

GlowBug23 said:


> But let me ask you this... how do you expect the person you want to be with to actually believe you when you say that, and not think it's just your way of lying to them so you can get what you want? I'm excited now, and now only want to know how to spot a fake.


If you date a guy for a while and he doesn't expect sex from you or is willing to wait at your request, then he's probably legit.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

GlowBug23 said:


> That makes a lot of sense, actually. But let me ask you this... how do you expect the person you want to be with to actually believe you when you say that, and not think it's just your way of lying to them so you can get what you want? ...This is more of a question aimed at the guys who, I guess for "macho" reasons, act like they're promiscuous when really they're not.


im no expert here but from what i hear is if a guys just wants sex he probably will not stick around with u very long if u dont "give it up" so if u tell him ur not having sex till ur married u will see whos real and who is fake.-- once in a while u might get a "tricky one" who might think he can change ur mind-- despite u saying u want to wait but u should dump him really fast in that case.


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## Avilos (Jul 7, 2005)

LostInReverie said:


> Never had sex, never been kissed, never dated. To hell with sex, I just want to experience kissing.


I feel the same way. :sigh


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

SexySadie said:


> nubly said:
> 
> 
> > Formerly Artie said:
> ...


For females I consider it to be ok. :b

But yeah nubly, I was being serious. I'm sure in the past 30 years, I've done it before, but it's very few and very far between. It's just not something I do. So if I ever did get worked over by a female, I have so much built up inside of me that I would probably shoot off like a dragster with 6000 pounds of thrust.


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

Avilos said:


> LostInReverie said:
> 
> 
> > Never had sex, never been kissed, never dated. To hell with sex, I just want to experience kissing.
> ...


I've kissed before, and I can't say that I'm a fan of it. The mouth is actually the most germ-ridden part of the body, but I think it was the wetness of it all that I just didn't like.

Not that I ever do it, but when imagining it, I would enjoy holding and caressing, even using the mouth to kiss parts of the body, but mouth-to-mouth kissing just isn't my thing. I heard on the radio - it might have been Dr. Dean Edell - that kissing for females forms an emotional attachment, while kissing for guys is done because they know it'll eventually lead to sex. For me, it's neither, although it would be the first if anything.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

GlowBug23 said:


> That makes a lot of sense, actually. But let me ask you this... how do you expect the person you want to be with to actually believe you when you say that, and not think it's just your way of lying to them so you can get what you want? ...This is more of a question aimed at the guys who, I guess for "macho" reasons, act like they're promiscuous when really they're not.
> 
> I'm excited now, and now only want to know how to spot a fake.
> 
> ...


If a girl doesn't believe me if I tell her who I am, that's her problem. If she doesn't trust me, then I probably can't trust her either.

I can see why some guys may act promiscuous when they're not because that is obviously how they think they will "get some". I'm just not one of those guys either.

I think the guys who are genuine when they say they are not promiscuous aren't out there "faking it". I'm not. They are probably like the majority of us and aren't even "on the market" because we're just too scared.


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## AboutTheWeather (Dec 24, 2007)

I am 20 and a virgin. It's not that I am a virgin really that bothers me.. it bothers me that I have never had the option to lose it. Most of the guys whom I have spent (mostly innocent) nights with didn't want to have sex with me.. because they already had girlfriends and sex, well, _that_ would be _cheating_!


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

Formerly Artie said:


> I'm still as pure as the fallen snow. I don't even touch myself in a sexual way; I consider it to be self-gay. I don't mind visual stimulation, but watching and doing are two different things. Even visual stimulation has become dry for me lately, so I really don't get excited anymore, which is not to say I did a whole lot in the first place.
> 
> Even though I place much more emphasis on an emotional connection when it comes to physical contact, whether sex is even involved or not, I'm at a point in my life where I just don't care anymore anyway. I've decided to die a virgin, whether by my own hands or natural death. I can respect myself better that way. Only under very specific certumstances would I reconsider.


Do you think you could be asexual?


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

Needle, no, I'm definitely not asexual. I'm as heterosexual as the next person. :b

The simplest that I could put it for now, is that I'm just too old to care about starting a relationship or intimacy or whatnot, and that's even on the basis that I didn't have severe anxiety. To me, certain things in life are best started at a younger age, and intimacy is one of them. I know not everyone feels that way at all, but I just happen to for some reason. I guess it's just a major issue that I have. Whether anxiety caused it or not, I couldn't say.

I could elaborate further if I probe my mind deep enough, but not sure anybody would really care.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Formerly Artie said:


> Needle, no, I'm definitely not asexual. I'm as heterosexual as the next person. :b
> 
> The simplest that I could put it for now, is that I'm just too old to care about starting a relationship or intimacy or whatnot, and that's even on the basis that I didn't have severe anxiety. To me, certain things in life are best started at a younger age, and intimacy is one of them. I know not everyone feels that way at all, but I just happen to for some reason. I guess it's just a major issue that I have. Whether anxiety caused it or not, I couldn't say.
> 
> I could elaborate further if I probe my mind deep enough, but not sure anybody would really care.


I see it....
You say this because you feel like life has passed you by.
Well, I have news for you and the big "Ds" as is done = not virgins :troll.....

Whose not to say that we older Vs (that stands for VICTORY over society's [email protected]!) won't enjoy our first go more than those who went earlier in life. We have yet to experience something many wished they still had (and don't want to admit it!)

Oh, and the male body has ways to handle "overload" - F.A., you're fine - you won't have any problems.


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

I am, and I've come to the conclusion that I will die a virgin. That doesn't bother me so much these days, but I do regret the fact that I've almost certainly missed the chance to be a father. 

It would have been nice to experience being close to someone just once, to be held and to experience that mythical first kiss. It would have been fairly easy to enlist the services of a "professional" but intimacy without love has never been very appealing. I managed to mess up the few real chances that ever came my way and I broke a few hearts, unfortunately, but I console myself by thinking that the girls involved are now far better off than they would be if they'd made their futures with me. 

Let me pose a question... supposing you did meet THE person. Is it better to bluff your way through it and hope that it isn't too obvious or be totally honest about it and confess that it's your first time? If you do confess, at what stage..? The first date..? The first "fumble"? As you're about to cross the Rubicon?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I'd tell her when the time is right. If she can't handle it, that's her problem.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

24-year-old virgin here. I've never kissed anyone as well.

I think the last time I voluntarily had physical contact with someone (apart from formality of shaking hands or bumping someone with hand to get their attention) could be said to be in the "years" unit of measurement.

I don't mind though. I don't desire physical contact, and I find it to be a distraction toward intellectual and emotional intimacy.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

GlowBug23 said:


> To all of the above guys who wrote back, thanks a million. I have a whole lot more respect for you than a lot of people out there.
> 
> :mushy :mushy :mushy :mushy


Respect is nice, thanks. But we would prefer love and affection.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

GlowBug23 said:


> ...Are you serious? Are you guys serious? Are you seriously for real? lol Sorry... I honestly did not believe guys had the ability to think this way.


Yeah... :get



> I'm always really kind of sassy, sarcastic, and a bit morbid around guys because I hate how they'll seemingly cheat on anyone if given the opportunity.


Yaeh I refrain from stating my observations about men, because I found people always got all bent out of shape when I did that.

:con


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Everyone in my family (besides myself of course) is involved in a successful marriage (each one involving a man, haha), so it's a bit naive to suggest that all men are uncontrollably horny cheaters. :lol


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

LostInReverie said:


> Never had sex, never been kissed, never dated. To hell with sex, I just want to experience kissing.


:ditto

I can't see it happening either (for me I mean)


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date. Oh-well. Lately, I’ve been trying to focus on what I do have instead of what I don’t have. I’ve come to accept the fact that I will most likely never be in a relationship.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

LonelyEnigma said:


> I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date. Oh-well. Lately, I've been trying to focus on what I do have instead of what I don't have. I've come to accept the fact that I will most likely never be in a relationship.


Do you still desire a relationship though?

I've also never had a girlfriend, kissed (I've _been_ kissed in rather innocuous ways, half the time by drunk girls overly excited to see me), or been on a date. While I would be horribly nervous if faced with any of these situations, I luckily don't currently desire any of these experiences.

It's a bit strange to say that I've had a couple drunk girls specifically flash _me_ point blank (without my request), while also never having held hands. :lol

Perhaps they just wanted to freak me out. I just didn't really react though, as is normal for me when someone makes any sort of "physical" action toward me. Ugh, no wonder I get annoyed when around drunkies. They are so unpredictable and more cruel than usual.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

ardrum said:


> (I've _been_ kissed in rather innocuous ways, half the time by drunk girls overly excited to see me)
> 
> It's a bit strange to say that I've had a couple drunk girls specifically flash _me_ point blank (without my request)


God bless drunk women. :lol


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

I WISH I didn't have any desire like that. :sigh


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

ardrum said:


> LonelyEnigma said:
> 
> 
> > I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date. Oh-well. Lately, I've been trying to focus on what I do have instead of what I don't have. I've come to accept the fact that I will most likely never be in a relationship.
> ...


Dude, I find this so hard to believe. You're a good-looking guy with a great personality. I know women rarely approach, but I thought it would've happened to you by now...they must be too intimidated by you.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

srschirm said:


> ardrum said:
> 
> 
> > LonelyEnigma said:
> ...


The women who have actually gotten to know me have almost always loved me (in the platonic sense). I just don't think I exhibit the qualities that most women find to be attractive in the _romantic_ sense. As of now, this isn't a big deal to me since I haven't noticed romantic desires like I did so intensely in the past. I recognize that it is possible that they could return at some point in the future though (biology is funny like that).

As an example.... I met a girl on Facebook several years ago (she contacted me first and sent me a message on AIM) who seemed genuinely interested in me through our chatting. We went to the same college, and we seemed to get along right from the beginning. We would chat for 5-6 hours straight at times during that summer. She wanted to see more photos of me as well (she had just seen my profile photo, in which I was drunk), and I warned her that I wasn't a great looking guy. She was coming on pretty strong though. She was stunned that I was a virgin and had not even dated once, but at the same time not repulsed by that. She even thought it was shocking that no girl had ever fallen in love with me strictly on personality alone, regardless of however I look. She dismissed my concerns about my appearance, but nevertheless, she didn't want to see me once I sent her more photos (and none of them were of "Crazy Ketchup Man" too). I guess in her case, personality only went so far. I don't hold a grudge against people who don't think I look attractive though, as what they find attractive is not their fault.

Still, it's a bit odd she didn't even want to meet me at all after what she had talked about. She even sent me a birthday card and included a photo of her as a child (on the toilet :lol).

So in conclusion, :stu

I will say that I'm far more confident and open on SAS than I am in real life.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

ardrum said:


> LonelyEnigma said:
> 
> 
> > I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date. Oh-well. Lately, I've been trying to focus on what I do have instead of what I don't have. I've come to accept the fact that I will most likely never be in a relationship.
> ...


Yes, I want to be in a relationship, but I simply don't see much point in trying anymore. I think it is easier to accept loneliness than to try and fail repeatedly. When I was younger I actually use to try. I use to go out every now in then with my brother (a social animal). Unfortunately, the few times I went out, I would just stand in the corner and not talk to anyone. The whole time my respiration would be out of control and my heart would beat rapidly. By the end of the night, my brother and his friends would be leaving with girls. I would go home alone feeling like more of a loser than I did before I went. Basically I've gone from trying to meet ladies and failing, to simply accepting the fact that I'm simply too shy, reserved, and inexperienced to ever be desired by any woman. It is true that some women will say they are looking for a shy, inexperienced, reserved man but they're NOT looking for a VERY shy, inexperienced, reserved man.

Although I try not to care and try not to allow myself to hope, I must admit it is difficult at times. I've been attending college off and on for a few years, and sometimes when I see girls around campus they show looks of interest. I exercise 6 days a week, hygiene obsessively, and dress neatly. I'm also very studious and get good grades. Because I look decent and do well in college, ladies sometimes show interest. Whenever this happened (such as it did today, when I went to pick up books for this semester), I have to forcefully tell myself, don't be deceived. Deep down, I know that my personality is far too undesirable for anyone to ever like me. I often think to myself, _she may think she likes me but once she finds out how much of a loner, loser I am she won't want to have anything to do with me._ One of these days, I'm going to learn how to truly, completely give up. Sometimes I think it is easier to just accept misery than to try and fail.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I don't know if you can just will yourself to lose interest. In my experience, it just happened by itself. I have doubts that it would make anything better to try to forcefully push a desire away. If anything, that would probably just create an internal battle with yourself that just adds to the problem.

At the same time, I can empathize with the idea that you think you aren't attractive to others (in this case, your belief that no female could ever possibly like you when you are as shy and lonerish as you are).

It's important to remember though that while it might be improbable, it isn't impossible. Sure, that might not sound like much of a consolation, but I think that embracing a more realistic viewpoint is useful in being more at peace with myself, rather than actively fighting against reality and my desires. That alone makes this subtle shift in how we describe out situation both more realistic and more pleasant.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

......


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Shauna said:


> I'm 24 yrs old, frustrated virgin, eventhough... I've had intercourse(well tried) with about 5 guys, BUT none of them have broken my hymen. The whole process has been painful for me. I can't stand the pain, and i've given up. I mit just go to a gyn and get my hymen cliped or something. Yeah, i've had intercourse, but it was not pleasurable and nothing broke. So i still consider myself a virgin.
> 
> *Too much Information, i know..lol*


that's interesting. maybe doing some stretches might help? (kegel exercises?)


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

.........


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

........


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Yes, I am unfortunately "pure." I don't get asked out, so I'm sure I will be until I die. And hopefully after I die.


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## McBeef (Jan 5, 2008)

Well, I don't use the term 'pure' because thats humiliating. Rather, it takes a humiliating property and phrases it in a more humiliating way. (Grown *** man and I'm pure? The hell?)

But yes, I'm a virgin. Its a combination of things really. My drive is mainly curbed by my lack of social life and dissatisfaction with my image but I think because I've yet to lose it I'm concientious about who I lose it with and yeah, I'm religious too. There are times when I'm seriously teeter tottering on doing something risky (you might remember my past post about a bizarre situation) but when I take care of myself I come to my senses. A few times at work I very nearly approached a girl who was modestly attractive that I knew I could get a date with but I've restrained myself because I knew I'd regret it and that could be pretty devastating to that person I used.

I've decided to really do a lot of self improvement and find someone like me that I could have a relationship with. I know its going to be awkward and embarassing and that it will likely attach me to whomever I get involved with so I want it to be with someone inexperienced like myself that I'm not just attracted to but in love with.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

The four percent club here.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl ... rgins.html


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I'll just say "no". It's easier than going into all the awkward details.


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## jonesy0039 (Jan 28, 2008)

i havent had sex yet, id like to but only with the right person.. the only thin is i was to start a family by the time im 24 but i dont see how id do that if i cant even talk to a woman


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Drella said:


> And hopefully after I die.


:lol corpses have rights too!


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## luciano (Jun 3, 2004)

I am 25 and currently a virgin. But that is all gonna change this weekend. I had thought about losing it just for the sake of losing it, but wanted to wait for someone special, and am glad I did! The girl I have been seeing had asked me about how many people I had been with and I tried to give a vague answer cause I was worried it would scare her off. When I told her I had never been with anyone she was shocked and very understanding. She said that it was very unusual. I never thought I would find someone that I could share it with, I think it was worth the wait, but still would have preferred it happened long ago.


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

Yep, and I second the sentiments of others in the thread who have said it doesn't bother them. The lack of companionship and emotional intimacy is what bothers me. 

I've never had a desire to "lose it just to lose it." I'll lose it when/if I meet someone who's right for me. In the past year I've actually had a few random chances to lose it, probably because being stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere causes a dramatic drop in people's standards, that I almost gave into. I'd practically given up on ever having a real relationship and I figured that fake intimacy with someone I didn't even like that much or know that well might be the best I could get. I'm glad I didn't, though. Hopefully I'll find someone who's right someday :sigh.


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## AcidicJuiceMotel (Jan 8, 2008)

I'm 18 and never even kissed a guy. I just can't seem to make a guy want me like that. They always think I'm attractive, smart, talented, and cool (I'm not bragging...they seriously say this to me over and over again until I tell them to shut up, because I don't believe them), but they never like me in that way. I'm kind of a "special" person in some ways. I'm very out-there, and people don't like that. Nobody wants to date a virgin commie who believes in mesoamerican spirituality and gets off on documentaries about the Kennedy assasination. I don't want to be somebody else, but it hurts that I'm so unloveable. And it hurts worse because I keep meeting these guys that are like captivated by me for a couple hours, and then never speak to me again. Either you like me and you call me, or you don't like me and you don't tell me I'm amazing in every way and you're glad you met me. Please stop talking and listening to cheesy eighties songs with me until 4am if you don't want a fricking date!
Not that I'm bitter, or anything.


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

AcidicJuiceMotel said:


> I'm 18 and never even kissed a guy. I just can't seem to make a guy want me like that. They always think I'm attractive, smart, talented, and cool ..., but they never like me in that way.


He he, I have the same problem with girls. I've met several girls over the years who've told me how awesome and attractive I was and how glad they were to have met someone like me. I stayed up all night talking with one of them more times than I can count. Of course the day always comes when they tell you, "Yeah, you're the coolest person I've ever met. I'm going to go date this full-of-himself jerk who tells me I'm stupid on a daily basis. Bye!" :stu People don't make any sense to me.

Anyway, I think your only "problem" is that you're very advanced and intelligent for your age. It's probably just intimidating to guys in your age range. Society still expects guys to somehow be "above" the girls we date, and I think it would be pretty hard to be above someone with your intelligence level. I don't think you'll have much of a problem once you get a few years older. :roll Society sucks.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

matt404 said:


> He he, I have the same problem with girls. I've met several girls over the years who've told me how awesome and attractive I was and how glad they were to have met someone like me. I stayed up all night talking with one of them more times than I can count.


There's your mistake. They liked you in the beginning, but you lingered around too long and you fell into the "Friend Zone". You have to ask them out within a couple times of meeting them. Wait until you've hooked up before staying up all night talking to them.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

vicente said:


> matt404 said:
> 
> 
> > He he, I have the same problem with girls. I've met several girls over the years who've told me how awesome and attractive I was and how glad they were to have met someone like me. I stayed up all night talking with one of them more times than I can count.
> ...


I agree in general. Gotta strike while the iron is hot. There has been probably one exception in my life, but I find it to be true overall.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

GlowBug23 said:


> I've noticed a lot of people (including myself) have never had a romantic relationship. I'm not asking this to be a pervert, but I've generally felt like the oldest living virgin in the world and am wondering if I'm alone there. And I'm not like some of these other people here... wishing I could seek out to lose it... I just wish I had a steady, stable and long lasting relationship in which I could if I felt it were the right person.


I greatly respect your approach. I once was that way. Now I'm confused and don't really think that ideal relationship/person exists :eyes


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

Sometimes emotional closeness can come out of physical closeness so if you get a chance, go for it. Don't think too hard about it.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

vicente said:


> There's your mistake. They liked you in the beginning, but you lingered around too long and you fell into the "Friend Zone". You have to ask them out within a couple times of meeting them. Wait until you've hooked up before staying up all night talking to them.


This is what I have never been able to understand about how society works when it comes to relationships.

How am I supposed to know whether or not I like the girl well enough "within a couple times of meeting her"? I need to get to know her and become friends with her before I know her well enough to know how I feel about her.


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

PGVan said:


> vicente said:
> 
> 
> > There's your mistake. They liked you in the beginning, but you lingered around too long and you fell into the "Friend Zone". You have to ask them out within a couple times of meeting them. Wait until you've hooked up before staying up all night talking to them.
> ...


 :agree completely. I wanted to say the same thing but I didn't want to get yelled at for thread-jacking . Thanks for saying it for me! Most of the rest of the world doesn't seem to agree with us, though.

I do know for a fact that there are a few girls out there who feel the same way as us and I'm basically waiting to meet one of them I guess.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

PGVan said:


> vicente said:
> 
> 
> > There's your mistake. They liked you in the beginning, but you lingered around too long and you fell into the "Friend Zone". You have to ask them out within a couple times of meeting them. Wait until you've hooked up before staying up all night talking to them.
> ...


the whole "friends zone" thing has really confused me. can someone explain it to me in more detail?
i don't understand how if you are friends for too long or too good of friends there is no chance of getting together. all of the couples in my group of friends were friends for at least six months to even years before the really started to like each other (or before they told each other about their feelings) before they got together.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

PGVan said:


> vicente said:
> 
> 
> > There's your mistake. They liked you in the beginning, but you lingered around too long and you fell into the "Friend Zone". You have to ask them out within a couple times of meeting them. Wait until you've hooked up before staying up all night talking to them.
> ...


I don't know about you, but I can tell right away if I like a girl. Physically, at least. The physical is always the initial attraction for me.


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## McBeef (Jan 5, 2008)

nothing_to_fear said:


> PGVan said:
> 
> 
> > vicente said:
> ...


I know exactly what you mean. I don't really believe in this 'friends zone' either. With respect to the other guys who have SA like myself, I think you know you're in the friend zone when that girl you really like and that you've been talking to gets tired of waiting for you to ask her out and gets involved with someone else. :b

I remember someone asking whether or not they should ask out a friend of theirs and the people there at the time saying 'Oh no! YOu'll ruin the friendship!' But honestly, worst case scenario is she doesn't like you and is repulsed by these feelings you have for her. Would you have wanted to go on being friends with someone who regards you that way? Why not just ask out any girl you're intersted in? Big talk from me I know, but I think our SA rationalizes itself by saying theres something wrong with the way everyone else is acting rather then us. Maybe theres no friends zone, maybe I'm just really scared.


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## kj6754 (Nov 11, 2003)

I am a V4L (Virgin for Life). I will go the grave a virgin. 

Sex is meaningless to me, nothing good can come from it in my case. 

I would like to experience having a girlfriend though. But I also accept that not ever happening as well.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

srschirm said:


> PGVan said:
> 
> 
> > vicente said:
> ...


Of course you can tell whether or not you are physically attracted pretty much immediately. That's strictly a visual observance. No relationship without physical attraction is going to work. We're not talking about physical attraction here. It has nothing to do with the frustration with society some of us are feeling.

How society works (apparently) for young people today, is that you are supposed to know whether or not you have feelings for a member of the opposite sex within a few times of meeting him/her. This works for a lot of people of the younger generation because all they are usually looking for is sex. The majority of young people don't want committed relationships. Those who do want to take the time to get to know somebody they are attracted to risk being put in the "friend zone", which means your chances of a relationship with the person you like are nil. It's ironic (and mighty goddam stupid) that you have to move so quickly to get into a relationship when you're young, yet nobody wants to get married until they're ****ing 30 years old!

I am not like most young people today. I am almost 24, and growing up through adolescence, I always saw myself having started a family by this point in my life. The fact that I've never even been on a date at my age (nevermind being a virgin) depresses me more than anything. It only gets worse as I get older. People I know see me year after year and never see me with a woman around. Those people start to ask each other questions about my love life, or lack thereof. I don't know how much longer I can last living like this without going completely insane.


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## luciano (Jun 3, 2004)

I agree with PGvan about young people looking for sex (although its always been like that, sex is just everywhere now a days). The thing with western society about marriage is it no longer plays the role it used to. It used to be that you had to get married to enjoy all the benifits it provides (Ex. financial benefits). Today however you can get those benefits without getting married saving you from having to spend a ridiculous amount on a ceremony and all the lawyor fees if you get divorced (and the divorce rate is the highest it has ever been). There are fewer reasons for getting married today than their used to be. The biggest reasons to get married now are religion and for family and friends. However people in common law relationships arn't any less commited imo.

I'm a lot like you. I'm 25 and had never had a date and am looking for a commited relationship. Except I never saw myself ever getting a gf cause I never thought I could be comfortable around the oppisote sex due to SA. I had been depressed for 8 years with the last 3 being unbearable. But things do change. I met a great girl. She is the first person I ever went on a date with and the fact that I have never been with another girl isn't even an issue.


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