# Can't deal with death of loved one after a year? Tips? :(



## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

I'll keep this as short as possible and try not to leave out information.

*Background:* Basically, I've been close to my grandma on my father's side for my entire 20 years of living. She always made it a point to be in my life. She loved me and my sister very much. 
She wasn't always easy to deal with, and had a mean/conniving streak but that's just how she was. I loved her with all I had. She lived to be 92. She was on her own up until my grandpa passed(also tragic for me) almost 4 years ago. She went back and forth between living with my Aunt and my family, weeks in and weeks out. Alternating. After a year, my Aunt couldn't take it anymore(they never got along), so we refused to allow her to be sent away to a home, and I took on the responsibility of caring for her.

At the time I didn't have a job, friends, and was not in school anyway due to anxiety/depression. I spent every moment with her, on the couch in our living room. For roughly three years. There was always a lot of stress and fighting going on here but we all loved each other at the end of the day.

She had an accident in the shower where she slipped, was fine the next day, and then had to be sent to the hospital. Ended up dying after a week. Started loosing it towards the end, getting fightful and yelling/pushing me and talking about her dead sister, mother etc. She never had dementia. I can't accept the way she died. And I won't. They weren't taking care of her in there. She died from laying in a hospital bed, without nutrition, without care, and without doing proper breathing exercises. I'm not even sure what their excuse for her death is..but I think she got pneumonia like I said, from laying and her lungs getting worse.

My family is religious, very, and I'm secretly not. My family also doesn't like to discuss things after someone dies, they like to forget and move on, and most of them are cold anyway. So, it's easy for them to say she went to heaven. For me, I know she's just gone. 
*
Main point of post/questions:* How do you deal with the death of someone extremely important to you? 
Does time really change it? I was in the worst time of my life that three weeks after her passing I didn't feel like a human being. Now, I can't stop dreaming and thinking about her almost every day/night. When does it stop? My family refuses to discuss anything. I feel like I'll never get over this. 
Her birthday is coming up in a few days and I need to drive an hour to go put flowers on her grave and I think I might just die. She always requested it.

Thank you for anyone who listened.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

Hi, Jennifer. I just wanted to say a couple things. I think she was really lucky to have someone as caring as you to take care of her at that time of her life. That is really wonderful. The other thing, is your feelings about how she died, do you think it might help if you told her that when you went to visit her grave? It sounds like your unresolved feelings about how she died is part of what's keeping you stuck from moving forward. If you're comfortable doing that, it might help you to feel better and move forward.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

housebunny said:


> Hi, Jennifer. I just wanted to say a couple things. I think she was really lucky to have someone as caring as you to take care of her at that time of her life. That is really wonderful. The other thing, is your feelings about how she died, do you think it might help if you told her that when you went to visit her grave? It sounds like your unresolved feelings about how she died is part of what's keeping you stuck from moving forward. If you're comfortable doing that, it might help you to feel better and move forward.


Thank you. I still feel like I could have done more. I guess that's how it goes, when someone dies. I know I did a lot for her as well. That's the only thing that helps.

I appreciate the advice. I may try it. I really don't believe that I'm going to ever really accept it. I feel like if I try to talk too much while I'm there I will really be in trouble. Anxiety attack times a million. Plus, my sister will also be there. I guess part of my problem is that I don't have anyone to talk to about this and many other things. My family just isn't there. And due to my anxiety, I don't have friends.

Thank you very much for the reply and for reading that.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

You're welcome. It makes sense, how you feel. It sounds like you didn't have time to say goodbye and spend time together the way you would have liked to. Of course you are sad. And you are grieving the loss by yourself because you don't have anyone you can grieve together with in your family. That is hard.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

housebunny said:


> You're welcome. It makes sense, how you feel. It sounds like you didn't have time to say goodbye and spend time together the way you would have liked to. Of course you are sad. And you are grieving the loss by yourself because you don't have anyone you can grieve together with in your family. That is hard.


Thank you for understanding. It's hard enough for me to find people that I can befriend or feel a bond with. It would be even harder to discuss things of this nature. I really appreciate your replies. Thanks again. Take care.


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## Der Ubermensch (Oct 30, 2012)

Simple answer: You don't ! It stays with you forever and haunts you ! The best you can do is keep walking !


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Der Ubermensch said:


> Simple answer: You don't ! It stays with you forever and haunts you ! The best you can do is keep walking !


Thank you for your honesty.


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## Katherine93 (Aug 10, 2013)

My grandpa died four months ago at the age of 80. It was so shocking to me because when I last saw him (three weeks before his death) he was feeling incredibly well. He was healthy. He died suddenly and I don't know why. I was so devastated. Our last conversation didn't go so well. He criticized my choices in life and was disappointed with me. I was so upset with him to the point that I didn't answer my phone when he called me few days later. And when he called me again two weeks later, I answered my phone but it wasn't him. It was his wife telling me that he was dead. I can't stop dreaming and thinking about him as well. I feel guilty that I didn't answer my phone then.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Katherine93 said:


> My grandpa died four months ago at the age of 80. It was so shocking to me because when I last saw him (three weeks before his death) he was feeling incredibly well. He was healthy. He died suddenly and I don't know why. I was so devastated. Our last conversation didn't go so well. He criticized my choices in life and was disappointed with me. I was so upset with him to the point that I didn't answer my phone when he called me few days later. And when he called me again two weeks later, I answered my phone but it wasn't him. It was his wife telling me that he was dead. I can't stop dreaming and thinking about him as well. I feel guilty that I didn't answer my phone then.


I'm so sorry. This is so sad.  Please seek an outlet to vent how you're feeling. These types of things are serious, especially if you're feeling guilt.


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## cat11 (Dec 1, 2012)

I came to this section to vent but saw your post and felt that I needed to reply.

First...It really sounds like you need to get a medical opinion on exactly what happened.
Do you have her medical records? There are different statute of limitations on medical records for each state, and I am not sure what it is in your state, but if you can still get access to them, get them asap.
Then once you have them, when you are ready, you can seek medical advice.

I feel this first step would be extremely helpful.

But if you are unable to access her records, for whatever reason, then you can always still seek medical advice when you are ready. 

I am only saying this because I feel this would be very beneficial to your emotional health.

I wish I was as proactive as you are now.

Everyone deals with trauma differently. You will never be the same. 

I was in a similar situation, and still in the same situation, where you needed to talk, and someone else lacked the empathy to listen. And that alone is extremely painful. Do you have a therapist? Along with finding medical answers, you need to find someone who is trained and that you feel comfortable talking to.

If you never get these medical answers, you will always wonder and have unanswered questions. 

A lot of extremely painful, and maybe illegal things happened in my life. Unfortunately I was not proactive, nor did I have any proactive support around me, to find these answers. And the sooner you can seek some answers, the better.

I hope my reply will help you a little.


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## usafuturesoldier4000 (Sep 26, 2013)

This may sound a little hard but you just gotta leave it in the past and continue looking forward. 

dad died in 06


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## cat11 (Dec 1, 2012)

I honestly hate it when people say that. 

It's very dismissive and non empathetic. 

She obviously came to this forum for support, and probably have heard those words already. 

Not everyone can get over life altering events like you can. 

I hope that if I ever need support on this forum that you don't respond to me.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

usafuturesoldier4000 said:


> This may sound a little hard but you just gotta leave it in the past and continue looking forward.
> 
> dad died in 06


Sorry for your loss. I'm working on moving forward, just not sure how to have that "click". Thank you for the response.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

cat11 said:


> I honestly hate it when people say that.
> 
> It's very dismissive and non empathetic.
> 
> ...


Hi, thank you so much. I have heard it before, but it's definitely true. I already knew that I had to move on, I'm just not sure how to achieve it is all. And thank you for saying that not everyone can get over certain events. It seems most of my family does that pretty well. I feel odd.


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## cat11 (Dec 1, 2012)

Family is so over rated. 

Right now I have no "family", and never had, no friends for support, and it just is so very, very, hard. The only reason why I have to maintain some sanity is for my fur baby because I am her only caretaker and she needs me, and I probably need her more.

And I hate the word loss. It's a word that is just to painful. 

I just block different painful situations out, and it sometimes works for me, but right now all this pain is resurfacing, and it is just so for hard for me to deal with it.

Plus, I have to live with a "family" member who is verbally abusive, condescending, and very sarcastic, which just intensives my pain, and anger a million times over.

I can vent more, but I must stop, because even writing about this is painful as well.


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## Crusade (Mar 12, 2013)

your story literally made me cry . I too was in the same situation and am currently struggling with the loss of my grandfather. We were so close and when he passed I couldn't even talk about it. I still really haven't and to be honest I don't think I'll ever get over it. I miss him so much. I try to just live my life though and move on. It sounds harsh but that's the way i learned to deal with his passing. me and him were together a lot too before he passed due to my SAS and that's what made it so hard for me. we had all these memories and then just BAM. He's gone from my life. I hope you feel better tho. Time heals all wounds...Or so they say. Be stong!!!


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## mr hoang (Aug 14, 2011)

I believe there some things in life you never really can get over. But at the same time you can move on. I think we just need to accept that it happened and know that we can't have any regrets moving forward. Just hearing you talk, I can sense you are a strong person and I believe you will get through it in time.You're doing the right thing by talking about it with someone. That's unfortunate you can't with your family. I Wish you well


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

I wish I had advice but I don't. I think that death is something that we never really get over. I just wanted to give you an e-hug. <3


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## Harmeulius (Jun 24, 2013)

I'm going through something similair right now, my best friend, and one of the few friends I have passed away two weeks ago. 

What I try to do is to avoid things that remind me of her. I write down my feelings because it is a relief. And I have some songs that always help me when I'm feeling down.

But remember everyone deals with grief in their own way, and sometimes it can take (a lot of) time. Try to do things you enjoy, although that can be very difficult. 
Time will partially heal the wounds, and one day all the nice things about your grandma will be a nice memory.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Crusade said:


> your story literally made me cry . I too was in the same situation and am currently struggling with the loss of my grandfather. We were so close and when he passed I couldn't even talk about it. I still really haven't and to be honest I don't think I'll ever get over it. I miss him so much. I try to just live my life though and move on. It sounds harsh but that's the way i learned to deal with his passing. me and him were together a lot too before he passed due to my SAS and that's what made it so hard for me. we had all these memories and then just BAM. He's gone from my life. I hope you feel better tho. Time heals all wounds...Or so they say. Be stong!!!


I'm so sorry.  Time really does help. I wish you all the best. It hurts a lot.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

mr hoang said:


> I believe there some things in life you never really can get over. But at the same time you can move on. I think we just need to accept that it happened and know that we can't have any regrets moving forward. Just hearing you talk, I can sense you are a strong person and I believe you will get through it in time.You're doing the right thing by talking about it with someone. That's unfortunate you can't with your family. I Wish you well


Thank you for being realistic. This helps. Thank you for wishing me well.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

missamanda said:


> I wish I had advice but I don't. I think that death is something that we never really get over. I just wanted to give you an e-hug. <3


Thank you for the e-hug and I'm sorry it took so long to respond(to everyone!). :squeeze


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Harmeulius said:


> I'm going through something similair right now, my best friend, and one of the few friends I have passed away two weeks ago.
> 
> What I try to do is to avoid things that remind me of her. I write down my feelings because it is a relief. And I have some songs that always help me when I'm feeling down.
> 
> ...


Wow, that sounds like an overwhelming amount of losses at once. 

Thanks for the tips. Music helps. Thank you so much!!


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## Harmeulius (Jun 24, 2013)

myersljennifer said:


> Wow, that sounds like an overwhelming amount of losses at once.
> 
> Thanks for the tips. Music helps. Thank you so much!!


You're welcome, how are you doing now, are you feeling any better?

By the way just to avoid any misunderstanding, with my best friend and one of the few friends I had, I meant the same girl


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Harmeulius said:


> You're welcome, how are you doing now, are you feeling any better?
> 
> By the way just to avoid any misunderstanding, with my best friend and one of the few friends I had, I meant the same girl


Well, time is helping. But it's still very crippling and very much on my mind, and in my dreams. I just can't seem to really accept it. I guess it's just a part of my reality now. How about you? 
P.s. Thank you for checking in with me. Appreciated.

P.p.s. I didn't read it properly the first time. IT wasn't your mistake, but mine. Ugh. I see now that it meant one person.


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## Harmeulius (Jun 24, 2013)

myersljennifer said:


> Well, time is helping. But it's still very crippling and very much on my mind, and in my dreams. I just can't seem to really accept it. I guess it's just a part of my reality now. How about you?
> P.s. Thank you for checking in with me. Appreciated.
> 
> P.p.s. I didn't read it properly the first time. IT wasn't your mistake, but mine. Ugh. I see now that it meant one person.


I'm doing okay, I still think about her when I see her pictures or I hear a song that reminds me of her, but I'm going on with my life and begun to accept it.

Don't worry you'll be fine, it just might need more time, it's always hard to lose someone you're that close with.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Harmeulius said:


> I'm doing okay, I still think about her when I see her pictures or I hear a song that reminds me of her, but I'm going on with my life and begun to accept it.
> 
> Don't worry you'll be fine, it just might need more time, it's always hard to lose someone you're that close with.


I know what you mean. Things are always reminders. Do you ever have dreams about her? I'm sorry. Acceptance is wonderful. Wish I could get to that point. You're strong.


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## kwrwade (Aug 11, 2012)

I actually had a very similar situation involving my grandmother. So maybe I can give a little help or reassurance. My grandmother practically raised my twin brother and I (I had a fatherless childhood, and my mother was having financial difficulties.) So, my brother and I were sent to live with our grandmother for a large portion of our childhood. Back in 2006, my mother finally got her life together and all four of us, including my grandmother, bought a house. Things were going great for several years, but my grandmother started having health problems around 2008-2009. She was constantly going in and out of the hospital. Then she broke her hip in 2009, and spent about a month in a rehabilitation center. She got out and was doing better; but then one early morning, she had bent down to pick something up off the floor, and a bone in her back broke. She was in excruciating pain and we had to call her an ambulance. She ended up being sent back to a rehabilitation center/nursing home. My aunt is the one who admitted her and persuaded her to stay in the nursing home, but my grandmother protested being there for a large amount of time. The last week I visited her, she had practically pleaded with my aunt for her to come home (my grandmother lived with us, and not her), but my aunt felt that we could not handle it. My feeling was that we had taken care of her for years, when my aunts or uncle didn't give a crap and it was obvious she had very little time left. I wanted her to pass-on surrounded by people who loved her, instead of at a nursing home. She passed away a week later in the same nursing home on March 26, 2010. Long story short, my entire family hasn't got along since. So, what I have to say is two-fold. One, you are probably harboring a lot of hate toward family -- I know I did, and still do. I refuse to talk to certain family members. But try not to let those emotions affect your grieving process toward your grandmother. Just remind yourself, that at-least you got to spend time with her toward the end. And second, grieving is natural and will take time. Even after three years, I still find myself thinking about my grandmother and the way she died -- that will not change. But eventually, after time, your thoughts and emotions will move away from the hate of family, and the lingering "what if this had happened, or if something could have been different" type of feelings, toward remembering the time you spent with her, and how she has had an impact on who you are. Sorry for your loss.


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## Harmeulius (Jun 24, 2013)

myersljennifer said:


> I know what you mean. Things are always reminders. Do you ever have dreams about her? I'm sorry. Acceptance is wonderful. Wish I could get to that point. You're strong.


I did dream of her but I haven't dreamed about her for a few weeks. I try to remain strong and although I've begun to accept this, I do feel lonely quite a lot because I could always talk to her when something bothered me, and now I have a few friends to have fun with, but when there is something wrong I miss her because I can't turn to her anymore. So although I'm starting to accept it I still have a long way to go.

But I still believe we both are going to be okay


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## TiredTracy (Nov 14, 2013)

What might help you a lot (I know, SA makes everything 10 times harder) is a grief group. All hospice centers offer them, and it does not matter how long ago she died. People who have cared for a sick loved one can have a kind of PTSD from it. I did. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone die.

I don't know if this will work for you, but I found it helpful. After my mom died, I had to go to this social thing two days later. Wouldn't you know it, the two women I was standing with, pretending to visit with, starting talking about how their mothers had died. One said, "My mom died a year ago." In a tiny peep of a voice, trying very hard not to cry, I told them my mom had just died. One of them said, "This is the price we pay for loving them so much." It really ticked me off, until I thought about it. I would not have chosen to love my mother less in order to spare myself the pain of losing her. Somehow that made it OK.

Hang in there. It does get better.


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## unsocial1 (Nov 10, 2013)

when i was younger my grand aunt a few years later i started to take it bad i dont know why i think i was lonely or upset about other things. could that be what was happening to you?

maybe you didnt grieve properly at the time and its coming back now?

not knowing what happen is also allowing it to be unresolved


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## unsocial1 (Nov 10, 2013)

also you have to remember you were devoted to her and gave her a lot of time. sometimes losing a relative like a gran or an aunt can be hard because might not know they were as close as a parent


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

kwrwade said:


> I actually had a very similar situation involving my grandmother. So maybe I can give a little help or reassurance. My grandmother practically raised my twin brother and I (I had a fatherless childhood, and my mother was having financial difficulties.) So, my brother and I were sent to live with our grandmother for a large portion of our childhood. Back in 2006, my mother finally got her life together and all four of us, including my grandmother, bought a house. Things were going great for several years, but my grandmother started having health problems around 2008-2009. She was constantly going in and out of the hospital. Then she broke her hip in 2009, and spent about a month in a rehabilitation center. She got out and was doing better; but then one early morning, she had bent down to pick something up off the floor, and a bone in her back broke. She was in excruciating pain and we had to call her an ambulance. She ended up being sent back to a rehabilitation center/nursing home. My aunt is the one who admitted her and persuaded her to stay in the nursing home, but my grandmother protested being there for a large amount of time. The last week I visited her, she had practically pleaded with my aunt for her to come home (my grandmother lived with us, and not her), but my aunt felt that we could not handle it. My feeling was that we had taken care of her for years, when my aunts or uncle didn't give a crap and it was obvious she had very little time left. I wanted her to pass-on surrounded by people who loved her, instead of at a nursing home. She passed away a week later in the same nursing home on March 26, 2010. Long story short, my entire family hasn't got along since. So, what I have to say is two-fold. One, you are probably harboring a lot of hate toward family -- I know I did, and still do. I refuse to talk to certain family members. But try not to let those emotions affect your grieving process toward your grandmother. Just remind yourself, that at-least you got to spend time with her toward the end. And second, grieving is natural and will take time. Even after three years, I still find myself thinking about my grandmother and the way she died -- that will not change. But eventually, after time, your thoughts and emotions will move away from the hate of family, and the lingering "what if this had happened, or if something could have been different" type of feelings, toward remembering the time you spent with her, and how she has had an impact on who you are. Sorry for your loss.


This is a heartbreaking story. I'm so sorry. Excuse the late response, I just find it very difficult to think about this or talk about it.

Your advice is extremely helpful. Thank you. Also appreciate that you mentioned that you don't just get over it after any amount of time.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

TiredTracy said:


> What might help you a lot (I know, SA makes everything 10 times harder) is a grief group. All hospice centers offer them, and it does not matter how long ago she died. People who have cared for a sick loved one can have a kind of PTSD from it. I did. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone die.
> 
> I don't know if this will work for you, but I found it helpful. After my mom died, I had to go to this social thing two days later. Wouldn't you know it, the two women I was standing with, pretending to visit with, starting talking about how their mothers had died. One said, "My mom died a year ago." In a tiny peep of a voice, trying very hard not to cry, I told them my mom had just died. One of them said, "This is the price we pay for loving them so much." It really ticked me off, until I thought about it. I would not have chosen to love my mother less in order to spare myself the pain of losing her. Somehow that made it OK.
> 
> Hang in there. It does get better.


Thank you so much. I love what you said here. I don't find myself having the courage to go to a grief group. I just don't know. I know I'm severely troubled because I can't talk about her or the situation and I have to immediately block it and move my thoughts in a different direction. Which happens quite often.

Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing a bit with me.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

unsocial1 said:


> also you have to remember you were devoted to her and gave her a lot of time. sometimes losing a relative like a gran or an aunt can be hard because might not know they were as close as a parent


This is a good point. Thank you. She was very very close to me.


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## Elros (Nov 17, 2013)

I bottled everything up after my dad died and I didn't deal with it at all. It was like someone had flipped a switch and the light in my heart went off. I just became empty and emotionless.

It wasn't until about 10yrs afterwards that I opened myself up to my girlfriend at the time and was able to grieve. 

Time does make it easier, but you need to talk about her and grieve properly. Remember all the good things about her and the time you spent together. Don't do what I did and shut down.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

I hope time makes it easier, that's the only advice I can come up with. I just lost my grandmother in October of this year, and I was a wreck. I then lost my grandfather in November. Losing 2 grandparents within a month of each other is very difficult, so I know your pain. I hope you are doing okay.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my gf to suicide a year and a half ago. It was very, very traumatic...I witnessed the suicide (she overdosed on pills). I tried to save her but couldn't; she died in my arms before EMS could get there.

The thing I hear most from people is "it will get easier with time", which to me is a big lie. I have ptsd from it, and nightmares, and night terrors. After the suicide I was admitted to three different psychiatric hospitals. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about a year now, and am going to start group therapy next week. My meds help, a little bit. I'm taking mood stabilizers and the max amount of Prozac that you can take. The more time that passes, the more positive I am that I will never, ever get over what happened. I will never get over losing her, watching her die...and the guilt from not being able to save her is overwhelming. The best advice I can give for dealing with the death of a loved one is to talk about it...don't bottle it up. If you don't have anyone to talk to, I would think about seeing a psychiatrist.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Elros said:


> I bottled everything up after my dad died and I didn't deal with it at all. It was like someone had flipped a switch and the light in my heart went off. I just became empty and emotionless.
> 
> It wasn't until about 10yrs afterwards that I opened myself up to my girlfriend at the time and was able to grieve.
> 
> Time does make it easier, but you need to talk about her and grieve properly. Remember all the good things about her and the time you spent together. Don't do what I did and shut down.


Similar scenario here. Except I mourned for weeks and THEN switched the emotions off. NOW after TIME I can't allow myself to think about it. Interesting.

Thank you for sharing your experience and tips. Sorry for your loss, of course. Time will not change that.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Crisigv said:


> I hope time makes it easier, that's the only advice I can come up with. I just lost my grandmother in October of this year, and I was a wreck. I then lost my grandfather in November. Losing 2 grandparents within a month of each other is very difficult, so I know your pain. I hope you are doing okay.


I'm sorry. I hope you have a supportive family or friends that you can talk with. I think that's super important. My condolences. Thank you for the comment.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

TenYears said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss.
> 
> I lost my gf to suicide a year and a half ago. It was very, very traumatic...I witnessed the suicide (she overdosed on pills). I tried to save her but couldn't; she died in my arms before EMS could get there.
> 
> The thing I hear most from people is "it will get easier with time", which to me is a big lie. I have ptsd from it, and nightmares, and night terrors. After the suicide I was admitted to three different psychiatric hospitals. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about a year now, and am going to start group therapy next week. My meds help, a little bit. I'm taking mood stabilizers and the max amount of Prozac that you can take. The more time that passes, the more positive I am that I will never, ever get over what happened. I will never get over losing her, watching her die...and the guilt from not being able to save her is overwhelming. The best advice I can give for dealing with the death of a loved one is to talk about it...don't bottle it up. If you don't have anyone to talk to, I would think about seeing a psychiatrist.


Wow. This is a heartbreaking story. I'm so very sorry for this traumatic experience and all that has followed. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I appreciate the honesty. This just breaks my heart more hearing such a story and what you're going through. In rational thought, you could never be guilty. Each individual makes their own decisions, especially with suicide. I know you must be going through hell. Remorse or guilt and wishing things could have been, or should have been different is definitely very overwhelming and I can't imagine your situation.

Thank you again and I genuinely wish you the best. Hope you can recover.


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## mar8chu (Dec 17, 2013)

*I understand*

I understand what you're feeling, like you I also lost a love one. Actually two of the most important person in my life, my son (3 y/o) and my mom whose always been there for me in my 37 years of existence. Lost them 40 days ago due to typhoon Haiyan that hit our country. You are right, sometimes you just want to just die, and now it's been 1 year for you and it's still that painfull, how much more it would be to me? Now Im really really scared of what's going to happened to me. As for you, you are still young and there are plenty of good things that will eventually come your way, you have a long long way to go so look to the future that's where you're going and cherished the memories and make them your inspiration.Your grandma is lucky to have a chance to spend her last 3 years with you. My mom, she's only 69 and she took care of me when i was sick (need i mention that i had cancer), and she did a great job. Im a single mom so my mom took care on both of us. My kid is my life, all my dreams revolve around these two people, now they are taken away from me, life is really unfair. Hope we both can overcome this, let me give you a :hug


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## Dimmie (Nov 17, 2013)

*hugs*....I never cry, you made me cry.....my heart goes out to you. I`m 56 and have other than my folks (thank God) lost all the other family I grew up with. I think she was so blessed to have you in her life and taking care of her, and you are so blessed to have had her in your life. Its not that you can ever forget the ones you love so dearly, but you learn to deal with it. It may be that your obsessing and still need to deal with her passing. Remember her love for you, remember the good times and let the rest go. Most people have a need in a way to let them go. If you havent already, when you go to place flowers try talking to her, tell her how much you love her and miss her and let your grief go. I`ve lost a lot of family and friends, time helps the wound to heal, but the good memories remain. Dont be too hard on your family, maybe they dont know how to deal with the loss. Heres a couple songs and groups that have helped me




















if you have access to help then find a counsellor to talk to, school community church


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

mar8chu said:


> I understand what you're feeling, like you I also lost a love one. Actually two of the most important person in my life, my son (3 y/o) and my mom whose always been there for me in my 37 years of existence. Lost them 40 days ago due to typhoon Haiyan that hit our country. You are right, sometimes you just want to just die, and now it's been 1 year for you and it's still that painfull, how much more it would be to me? Now Im really really scared of what's going to happened to me. As for you, you are still young and there are plenty of good things that will eventually come your way, you have a long long way to go so look to the future that's where you're going and cherished the memories and make them your inspiration.Your grandma is lucky to have a chance to spend her last 3 years with you. My mom, she's only 69 and she took care of me when i was sick (need i mention that i had cancer), and she did a great job. Im a single mom so my mom took care on both of us. My kid is my life, all my dreams revolve around these two people, now they are taken away from me, life is really unfair. Hope we both can overcome this, let me give you a :hug


I am so very sorry for such an incredible loss. Wow. I would not be able to cope. You are so incredibly strong. Praying and wishing all the best for you. :squeeze


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Dimmie said:


> *hugs*....I never cry, you made me cry.....my heart goes out to you. I`m 56 and have other than my folks (thank God) lost all the other family I grew up with. I think she was so blessed to have you in her life and taking care of her, and you are so blessed to have had her in your life. Its not that you can ever forget the ones you love so dearly, but you learn to deal with it. It may be that your obsessing and still need to deal with her passing. Remember her love for you, remember the good times and let the rest go. Most people have a need in a way to let them go. If you havent already, when you go to place flowers try talking to her, tell her how much you love her and miss her and let your grief go. I`ve lost a lot of family and friends, time helps the wound to heal, but the good memories remain. Dont be too hard on your family, maybe they dont know how to deal with the loss. Heres a couple songs and groups that have helped me
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You have helped very much. I appreciate the effort and time you put into responding to me. I did go see her grave, as well as my grandfathers, could barely speak to her. There was others around so it made it worse. I still feel as bad. I'm not hard on my family. I've never criticized or complained to them about their behavior. Time helps for sure, I've seen that truth happen for me many times in life so far. Thank you so much for the songs. Beautiful music.

Thank you again and I'm terribly sorry for your losses and wish all the best to you. <3


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