# The problem is me or my therapist?



## Freethebird (Oct 20, 2018)

I started therapy months ago and it is not what I was expecting. After reading a lot online about therapy I had convinced myself that therapists were this non-judgmental, strictly professional people, who would list to my problems and give me tools get better. I was hoping NOT get to know anything from the personal life of my therapist, because once I know somebody's opinion on certain subjects my wish to please them overcome my wish to be truth with myself and I start to say whatever they want to hear. 
Everything I heard about therapy said therapist shouldn't talk much about themselves I was looking forward to this one sided relationship. However, my therapist talk quite a lot about her, at the point I know more about her life than she knows about mine. She told me about her divorce, her problems with her dad, her struggles back in school, her religion and even her political believes. Every time saying she is talking about her so I can learn from her experience but this make me feel more and more uncomfortable. Also, she never remember anything I tell her and we is always asking questions I answered like 5 times already in previous section. I get not remembering everything, but shouldn't her at least ready through my record before session? 

Besides, there is not one single session where her phone doesn't ring, she is often late and have fights with her staff in front of me. 


There are some stuff working on therapy, like the books she recommend me and a few homeworks she give me to do, but since I paying a lot of money for this, I am not sure if it worth it and 2 weeks ago I started to think about giving up. Someone faced a situation like this? If yes, what you did?


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Yikes, sounds like you need to find a different therapist. Even if she thinks she's helping, clearly it's the wrong fit for you and there's no harm in finding someone else.
I haven't had an experience as bad as that, but my school counsellor would sometimes refer to me by another student's name (and so I couldn't tell if she was remembering stuff from the other student, a completely different person from another grade, or just forgot my name) and would have her eyes closed during the session which I found to be uncomfortable.


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

It's the therapist, she sounds very unprofessional. She shouldn't be going on and on about her own life, nor should she have her phone on during your sessions. Find someone else. Good luck.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

You should be charging her for those sessions. But even for a paying client she sounds awfully rude.


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## angelasp (Nov 6, 2018)

Freethebird said:


> I started therapy months ago and it is not what I was expecting. After reading a lot online about therapy I had convinced myself that therapists were this non-judgmental, strictly professional people, who would list to my problems and give me tools get better. I was hoping NOT get to know anything from the personal life of my therapist, because once I know somebody's opinion on certain subjects my wish to please them overcome my wish to be truth with myself and I start to say whatever they want to hear.
> Everything I heard about therapy said therapist shouldn't talk much about themselves I was looking forward to this one sided relationship. However, my therapist talk quite a lot about her, at the point I know more about her life than she knows about mine. She told me about her divorce, her problems with her dad, her struggles back in school, her religion and even her political believes. Every time saying she is talking about her so I can learn from her experience but this make me feel more and more uncomfortable. Also, she never remember anything I tell her and we is always asking questions I answered like 5 times already in previous section. I get not remembering everything, but shouldn't her at least ready through my record before session?
> 
> Besides, there is not one single session where her phone doesn't ring, she is often late and have fights with her staff in front of me.
> ...


When choosing a therapist make sure to collect all the information regarding their work style and working experience. If you can contact one of her patient, then you can know better about the therapist. The way you are describing her, seems she doesn't take her work seriously.

I was a patient of acrophobia. I have tried many therapy sessions at different places. The one who truly helped me is THE PHOBIAMAN CLINIC in London. Their approach was totally unique. I am totally fine now.Finding a good therapist is really tough though.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

**** therapist. They shouldn't reveal anything about their own life, not be giving you opinions, phone shouldn't ring, you definitely shouldn't hear them arguing. 

Change therapist. Research well. Education, affiliation, accreditations and so on.


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