# I want to have babies and be a housewife >_<



## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

I think my biological clock is going on overdrive at this point lol. It would be hard enough to become a housewife this day in age since so many people look down on it but the SA makes it impossible for me to even talk to men let alone date + get married. I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances. My mom has been married and divorced twice and my dad has also been married twice and divorced once and I would hate that. All of my younger cousins have started getting married, both of my brothers are having children, and I'm nowhere. I'm jealous! I have a job that I really like but I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom and teach my kids to read, take them to the zoo, etc...Freaking SA why are you so frustrating?! I'm hoping these feelings will go away eventually and I can just accept my life for what it is and be happy for those around me.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

CommanderShepard said:


> I think my biological clock is going on overdrive at this point lol. It would be hard enough to become a housewife this day in age since so many people look down on it but the SA makes it impossible for me to even talk to men let alone date + get married. I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances. My mom has been married and divorced twice and my dad has also been married twice and divorced once and I would hate that. All of my younger cousins have started getting married, both of my brothers are having children, and I'm nowhere. I'm jealous! I have a job that I really like but I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom and teach my kids to read, take them to the zoo, etc...Freaking SA why are you so frustrating?! I'm hoping these feelings will go away eventually and I can just accept my life for what it is and be happy for those around me.


I think it's good. Women seem so focused on careers and being entertained nowadays. Traditional value women such as yourself seem few and far between. I'd bet you are more appealing to men then you probably give yourself credit for. I hope you find someone.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Yea agreed, shame there isnt more women like you about instead of the type that blow away their 20's and 30's sleeping around, not knowing what they want and then realise later in life they made countless mistakes


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## cherryboom (Jun 14, 2012)

CommanderShepard said:


> I think my biological clock is going on overdrive at this point lol. It would be hard enough to become a housewife this day in age since so many people look down on it but the SA makes it impossible for me to even talk to men let alone date + get married. I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances. My mom has been married and divorced twice and my dad has also been married twice and divorced once and I would hate that. All of my younger cousins have started getting married, both of my brothers are having children, and I'm nowhere. I'm jealous! I have a job that I really like but I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom and teach my kids to read, take them to the zoo, etc...Freaking SA why are you so frustrating?! I'm hoping these feelings will go away eventually and I can just accept my life for what it is and be happy for those around me.


I'm feeling pretty broody myself lately, but I know now isn't a good time for me to have kids plus I want a stable loving relationship before I bring kids into this world.

I think wanting to be a housewife is fine nothing wrong with wanting to take care of the brood full-time!

I know you say it's hard for you to talk to men but how do you feel when they start talking to you first? Do you have any male friends/co-workers that you can practice talking to the opposite sex with?


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

I can't identify with those desires at all. Maybe when I'm pushing thirty.


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have kids and be a housewife. Just as I don't think there's anything wrong with being a professional woman. You should do what makes you happy.


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## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

low: thank you, I hope so too!

pete24: That's the norm nowadays though, I get made fun of for my old fashioned ways lol

cherryboom: The only men who have expressed interest in me have been very...I don't know, "uncouth?" about it like saying sexual stuff right off the bat or telling me how they like to beat up all these guys and have 5 kids from 5 different girls thinking that will impress me. When they talk to me like that I just don't want to be around them but I am still polite.

lyric: Yeah, 10 years ago I was like "I never want to have kids!" but now I'm at that age where I'm feeling it. My mom was 25 when she had me and I'm already 28 and with no prospects, I feel like my time is running short.

gustafsg: No problem at all, I think women should be able to do whatever they want to do from housewife or secretary to CEO. ^_^


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I want to be a housewife too, but no babies.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

The problem with being a housewife is that if you get divorced, you are screwed. Finding a job isn't easy when you've been out of the job market for years. I lived with one boyfriend that paid for everything (I took care of laundry and cooking) for a couple years and every time we got into a bad fight I was freaking out about how soon I could find a job and get out of there. It is somewhat better if they let you control all the finances like my ex did. I had all the cards and made the major decisions on what to buy and stuff. 

I guess it depends on how stable your relationship is with the guy and how soon you could find a job in case something happened. The guy would also have to have a good income. Being a broke housewife is no fun.


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## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

komorikun said:


> The problem with being a housewife is that if you get divorced, you are screwed. Finding a job isn't easy when you've been out of the job market for years. I lived with one boyfriend that paid for everything (I took care of laundry and cooking) for a couple years and every time we got into a bad fight I was freaking out about how soon I could find a job and get out of there. It is somewhat better if they let you control all the finances like my ex did. I had all the cards and made the major decisions on what to buy and stuff.
> 
> I guess it depends on how stable your relationship is with the guy and how soon you could find a job in case something happened. The guy would also have to have a good income. Being a broke housewife is no fun.


I would hope that I could find someone who I would want to stay with forever just like my grandparents, but if for some reason I ended up single again (like if he passed away or something T_T) then I could stay with relatives until I found a new job. Being a single mother would suck though. And yes I would want to marry someone financially stable and able to support a family, otherwise I don't want to have kids. I wouldn't want to have to work full time and have my kids raised by a daycare like my friend was. For me it's all just a dream though and seems so far away and unattainable.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Well you have a better chance than 
me.


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## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

visualkeirockstar said:


> Well you have a better chance than
> me.


Maybe, but there are a lot of modern women who want to be the breadwinner/traditional male role. My coworker was like this, she made the money and her BF stayed at home. (but all he did was play video games lol)


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm sure your parents didn't plan on divorcing when they had you. You can't really predict divorce so well. Generally though people who get married at an older age, have a bachelor's degree or higher, and have a good income are less likely to get divorced than those who marry young, have little education, and are not making good money. 

Even if you are a housewife you'd probably want the kid in daycare part-time for socialization and to expose the kid to various germs (to prevent future allergies). In Japan, they still have a lot of housewives but most put their kids in daycare part-time from age 2 or so. It would also help with your mental health. Being around small kids 24-7 is probably a bit much....


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## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

My aunts are housewives and they take their children to like sunday school/church events/vacation bible school type things with other kids all the time. I was never put in daycare as a child, my mom stayed at home with us before we were old enough to go to school though my parents did marry really young, my dad was 19 and my mom was 21.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

i've wanted the same thing for as long as i can remember.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

CommanderShepard said:


> I think my biological clock is going on overdrive at this point lol. It would be hard enough to become a housewife this day in age since so many people look down on it but the SA makes it impossible for me to even talk to men let alone date + get married. *I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances.* My mom has been married and divorced twice and my dad has also been married twice and divorced once and I would hate that. All of my younger cousins have started getting married, both of my brothers are having children, and I'm nowhere. I'm jealous! I have a job that I really like but I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom and teach my kids to read, take them to the zoo, etc...Freaking SA why are you so frustrating?! I'm hoping these feelings will go away eventually and I can just accept my life for what it is and be happy for those around me.


same here. my grandparents were married for almost 58 years before mammaw passed away last month. she had odd end jobs here and there, like waitressing at a restaurant her and her siblings owned. but she was mainly a housewife who cared for their five kids and taught sunday school, managed the finances, while pappaw was the ony earning the main income. i just think its so sweet. im always telling people that if/when i ever get married and settle down, i want the marriage to be like my grandparents. im only 23, but i crave it already, and so far no such luck. :|


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> I want to be a housewife too, but no babies.


well in that scenario you would just be a trophy wife lol...


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## Amorphousanomaly (Jun 20, 2012)

No marriage or babies for me, thanks. I can't imagine not working either, sounds boring.


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## Beautifully overcast (Aug 17, 2012)

This is the life I've wanted as well...I ended up getting married 4 years ago, but my husband can't father any children. I'm 37 and it looks as if my dream won't be coming true


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I think the best situation for raising a child is one in which the mother is at home. I commend you for this.


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## Lil Sebastian (Feb 26, 2012)

Buuut, who'll save us against the reapers if you do?? Garrus? He's too busy calibrating to be our leader. And Ash/Kaiden just rode on your coattails so they're not up to scratch!

Seriously though, that sounds like some lovely hopes you have. I'm sure with patience it'll happen eventually


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

I think it's wonderful. The people who would look down on you being "just" a housewife are many of the same people who will end up with divorces and broken families. I'm excited to have a family of my own someday, and would be perfectly accepting if the person I married wanted to focus full-time on being a homemaker. In another life, where it would be the least bit socially acceptable, I think I would be happy with being a stay-at-home dad. My career has only ever been the means to the end of having a family.

Unfortunately, like you say, it's that rotten SA thing that gets in the way.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Lil Sebastian said:


> Buuut, who'll save us against the reapers if you do?? Garrus? He's too busy calibrating to be our leader. And Ash/Kaiden just rode on your coattails so they're not up to scratch!


:lol I might not be CommanderShepard, but this is my favorite comment on the Citadel.

And OP, I dunno how the financial situation is over where you live, but over here most couples need to work to stay on their feet, both of them. Usually the girlfriend/wife works part time, and takes care of most of the household stuff, but I know very few stay-at-home moms left. It seems rather difficult living in a family where only one person is making the money these days.


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## agentcooper (Aug 15, 2012)

CommanderShepard said:


> I think my biological clock is going on overdrive at this point lol. It would be hard enough to become a housewife this day in age since so many people look down on it but the SA makes it impossible for me to even talk to men let alone date + get married. I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances. My mom has been married and divorced twice and my dad has also been married twice and divorced once and I would hate that. All of my younger cousins have started getting married, both of my brothers are having children, and I'm nowhere. I'm jealous! I have a job that I really like but I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom and teach my kids to read, take them to the zoo, etc...Freaking SA why are you so frustrating?! I'm hoping these feelings will go away eventually and I can just accept my life for what it is and be happy for those around me.


Question Shepard,

Who is looking down on being a housewife? I think of myself as a feminist as much as a man can be, and I believe the ideal of feminism is women's choice. If that's your choice, then a feminist can't look down on you. So if a feminist isn't looking down on you for choosing a traditional role, then who would be?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I don't want to be a housewife, but I want to have babies. Beautiful beautiful babies that have my genetics, and I want to be like damn, yes that's mine. I made that.

haha

only missing a beautiful man in this equation =[


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Interesting. 28 seems like the ideal age for women to get married or at least start thinking about marriage. Maybe it is the fear of turning 30 and being single. I think men have a few more years before outside pressure from family, friends and society dictates they start looking for a wife. So I have about 10 years huh?


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds quite boring to me, but I don't know of many people who'd actually look down on you for wanting the housewife lifestyle. As someone who's terrified by the idea of "settling down," I get a lot of "you're selfish" or "you're just immature; wait until you reach your late 20s." If anything, women who don't want to have kids are the ones being looked down upon.

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck finding Mr. Right and getting that life you so dearly want.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I want to be a husband, so I know what you're going through, somewhat. Although from the other side.

I hope a prince charming sweeps you up and you find what you're looking for. You are a beautiful person inside and out, and you deserve happiness.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Double Indemnity said:


> I want to be a housewife too, but no babies.


Ditto.

Actually I rather be a house person..no jobs or husband..rather not get caught in that fantasy & fool myself. :teeth Nah, that would just bring me down with false hopes.


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## CommanderShepard (May 25, 2012)

Lil Sebastian said:


> Buuut, who'll save us against the reapers if you do?? Garrus? He's too busy calibrating to be our leader. And Ash/Kaiden just rode on your coattails so they're not up to scratch!
> 
> Seriously though, that sounds like some lovely hopes you have. I'm sure with patience it'll happen eventually


My protege Conrad Verner will take up arms and shoot the tube! 



identitycrisis said:


> I think it's wonderful. The people who would look down on you being "just" a housewife are many of the same people who will end up with divorces and broken families. I'm excited to have a family of my own someday, and would be perfectly accepting if the person I married wanted to focus full-time on being a homemaker. In another life, where it would be the least bit socially acceptable, I think I would be happy with being a stay-at-home dad. My career has only ever been the means to the end of having a family.
> 
> Unfortunately, like you say, it's that rotten SA thing that gets in the way.


I have known a few men who have been stay at home dads and I think it's awesome XD If you wanted to go that route it's not impossible, you and me both have to figure out a way to punch SA in the face :3



Metalunatic said:


> :lol I might not be CommanderShepard, but this is my favorite comment on the Citadel.
> 
> And OP, I dunno how the financial situation is over where you live, but over here most couples need to work to stay on their feet, both of them. Usually the girlfriend/wife works part time, and takes care of most of the household stuff, but I know very few stay-at-home moms left. It seems rather difficult living in a family where only one person is making the money these days.


Well I AM CommanderShepard and this is also my favorite comment on the citadel (and I swear I've never said that before...)

Where I live the economy is pretty secure compared to most places so it's not impossible financially, it's just the SA D:<



agentcooper said:


> Question Shepard,
> 
> Who is looking down on being a housewife? I think of myself as a feminist as much as a man can be, and I believe the ideal of feminism is women's choice. If that's your choice, then a feminist can't look down on you. So if a feminist isn't looking down on you for choosing a traditional role, then who would be?


I have talked to a few women who say housewives are "degrading to women" and "setting women's rights back 100 years" etc...The way I see it I should have the right to be more traditional if I want or to be more modern if I want.



lilyamongthorns said:


> Oh my, we are twinsies!
> I want to be a housewife too. And do everything the old-fashioned way.
> 
> I'm not too worried about my biological clock, if I get too old, I'll just adopt. A lot of children out there need some love. <3


Seriously, are you sure we weren't separated at birth? Adoption is actually my first choice, there are a lot of kids out there that need a mom.



WintersTale said:


> I want to be a husband, so I know what you're going through, somewhat. Although from the other side.
> 
> I hope a prince charming sweeps you up and you find what you're looking for. You are a beautiful person inside and out, and you deserve happiness.


Thank you, and I wish the best for you as well ^_^


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> I think it's wonderful. The people who would look down on you being "just" a housewife are many of the same people who will end up with divorces and broken families.


What is that supposed to mean? Divorce and broken families never happen to housewives?


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

I would never be a housewife because of watching what happened to my own mother. She was a college graduate and had a good career, then my dad convinced her to give that up because his job involved travel around the world. Long story short, when he decided to up and leave she had been out of the work force for almost two decades and with a myriad of health problems. She has told me to not make the same mistake she did and never be financially dependent on anyone - it can easily become a form of control.



> I want the kind of marriage my grandparents have (still happily married 50+ years later) my grandpa was always the breadwinner and my grandma was a housewife and cared for the children/house/chores and organized the household appointments and finances.


I do want to get married, but never have kids. I know and admire several couples who have been married their whole lives, and I would love that for myself, but I'm not delusional thinking divorce could never happen to me.

I also feel like pointing out that 50 years ago, it was not out of the norm for a married man to cheat and the wife to turn a blind eye. Hell, I know both my grandfathers did that, and they stayed married to my grandmothers their whole lives. Even my maternal grandmother has repeatedly said "That's what men do. Happy marriage for women in my day is simply not real." I'm skeptical of older couples for that reason.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Vanilllabb said:


> Ditto.
> 
> Actually I rather be a house person..no jobs or husband..rather not get caught in that fantasy & fool myself. :teeth Nah, that would just bring me down with false hopes.


House person works for me too. I'm doing it right now actually and it's wonderful although I'm looking for a job too.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Dark Alchemist said:


> What is that supposed to mean? Divorce and broken families *never* happen to housewives?


You're the only one talking in absolutes here.


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## godhelpme2 (Apr 4, 2012)

i think i would love that. because of social anxiety, i extremely fear getting a job. i'd love to stay home and be with my own youngins  and i mean, i'd still take them out to the park and what not, because even if a job scares me, i'd probably go crazy sitting in the house ALL day. my anxiety isn't as bad as some sufferers on here. i love going out, i just hate being the center of attention, made fun of, put on the spot, or watched (my boyfriend's dad does that alot, i'm starting to think he doesn't like me anymore. -_-) . but honestly being a housewife, that would be the life.. lol c:

but i'm sure i'm going to have to work, my boyfriend and his family would frown upon me not working. & also, my dad gives my mom so much **** for not working, he puts her down all the time. i hate it. i think that has struck fear in me to work, but then again if i was with someone who treated me the way my dad treats my mom, i'd leave them in a second. ..sorry... i'm getting off topic lol


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> You're the only one talking in absolutes here.


You fail to notice I posed it as a question and not a statement. Nice try at avoiding the point.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

Its crazy how some women think less of those who want to be mothers and housewives, as if being the CEO of a bloodsucking company is more important than being the CEO of the developing mind and growing body of a child.

Some women today idealize competition. Some have turned feminism from a legitimate push for equality into just more capitalism, but with breasts.

And there's nothing wrong with being a career woman. However, career women, there's nothing wrong with folding clothes and combing hair, either. I have just personally seen or heard some women who have this "F n****s, get money" mentality.

Then, they deride the women who don't go for that. And some just talk about being independant while actively getting cashed out by sex hungry fools, wearing diamond studs and tight jeans while the babies got ****ed up hair and mad boogers hanging.


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

I'd like to get married and have kids one day... maybe when I'm 40. :lol
I'd much rather have fun, travel and focus on my career than care for kids during my 30s. I guess I'll adopt. :b



87wayz said:


> Its crazy how some women think less of those who want to be mothers and housewives, as if being the CEO of a bloodsucking company is more important than being the CEO of the developing mind and growing body of a child.
> 
> Some women today idealize competition. Some have turned feminism from a legitimate push for equality into just more capitalism, but with breasts.
> 
> ...


Actually, if you look through the thread you'll notice no one is putting down the OP or women who share her ideals. The opposite actually. You seem to be the person criticizing women for _not _wanting that...

Raising a kids might be the most incredible thing for you, but it's not for everyone and that's not something objective. Opening an organization that helps millions of people around the world is a far greater achievement than raising a kid.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

HustleRose said:


> I'd like to get married and have kids one day... maybe when I'm 40. :lol
> I'd much rather have fun, travel and focus on my career than care for kids during my 30s. I guess I'll adopt. :b
> 
> Actually, if you look through the thread you'll notice no one is putting down the OP or women who share her ideals. The opposite actually. You seem to be the person criticizing women for _not _wanting that...
> ...


I'm not talking about this thread. I'm talking about people I have heard deride women who choose not to be career. Women have talked to my wife like that, you should read before you quote.

I know its not for everybody. Some women are so jaded and callous I would never wish family on them. Others just don't like kids. Its all good


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

87wayz said:


> Its crazy how some women think less of those who want to be mothers and housewives


Yeah I don't like that either.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

87wayz said:


> Its crazy how some women think less of those who want to be mothers and housewives


You do know it goes both ways right? Many women who choose a career and looked down at by stay at home moms.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Dark Alchemist said:


> You do know it goes both ways right? Many women who choose a career and looked down at by stay at home moms.


True, but it seems like it goes more the other way.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

srschirm said:


> True, but it seems like it goes more the other way.


Yes, more towards the women who _don't_ want children. I've never actually heard any woman who wants children receive criticism, yet I, who seem to be one of the few women who openly admits otherwise, receive only but criticism for it.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Dark Alchemist said:


> You fail to notice I posed it as a question and not a statement. Nice try at avoiding the point.


:squeeze

I'm not going to argue with you - hugs instead.


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## Dark Alchemist (Jul 10, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> :squeeze
> 
> I'm not going to argue with you - hugs instead.


:roll Nice cop-out.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

AllToAll said:


> Yes, more towards the women who _don't_ want children. I've never actually heard any woman who wants children receive criticism, yet I, who seem to be one of the few women who openly admits otherwise, receive only but criticism for it.


It's hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids. That's been my experience at least. I'm still on the fence, personally.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

srschirm said:


> It's hard to find a woman who doesn't want kids. That's been my experience at least. I'm still on the fence, personally.


I know plenty. It's probably not a common topic of conversation because we're sick of hearing "oh, you'll get over that phase."


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## Unknown88 (Aug 21, 2012)

I'm childree myself, but at 23 years old people don't take it seriously. It's kind of frustrating, but at least my own family accept it.

People who want to be housewives have every right to have that dream, looking after kids and the home is a busy life and if you're putting the effort in it's not lazy at all. I would hate being a housewife personally, I don't want kids and I don't want to be financially dependent on anyone in the long term. I don't look down on those who want this life though.


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## georgegliddy (Aug 31, 2012)

WELL.... having chilluns is about the WORST thing a peep can do in this wrld. it just b so selfish u only care bout how U feel and u dnt care about those chilluns and all their chilluns and so forth such as it b... y is ur feeling more importent then the whole lifetimes of them chilluns just so u cud b happy for a few months? cuz u gonna only b happy 4 a little while then them chiluns will make u so angry u may want 2 dispose of them then where will U b???


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

It's been raised in this thread before but I think it's worth repeating. If you get divorced (which no one foresees when getting married...you think you'll last forever, right?) you would need to have some form of financial independence. Especially if there are custody battles. I really don't know how a single mother would look in court in comparison to a father who has a high enough salary to support his entire family. Something to think about. Not to mention you'd want to provide the best life possible for your kids so having a double income household is really worth thinking about. It's tough finding a job when you've spent ten years working your butt off raising your children and have nothing fresh on your resume. 

In regards to references to grandparents' marriages, bear in mind that divorce was not common in their time. You worked through the problems or put up with it. Both sets of my grandparents divorced, however, that was viewed as quite the faux pas at the time! Very scandalous. Today's couples seem (to me at least) to be more open to finding someone else rather than putting everything into fixing what's broken, if it's possible.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

I know that you say being a housewife and mother is something you desire to be, but try to put that out of your mind in your everyday life and focus on finding someone and being their friend. I think stable relationships are built on a strong friendship. If you really want what your grandparents have, I would suggest you try to nuture yourself, love somebody else, be their friend and then more. The children you eventually bring into the world will thank you. 

What I'm trying to say is don't get obsessed with the thought of being a mother and housewife and try to remember that all healthy family dynamics are built around a healthy relationship between the mama bear and the papa bear.


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