# 90 days of exposure, i will do it.



## R0b01

Like all of you i've been suffering from social anxiety disorder for most of my life. I am almost 23 years old and can say I don't feel like i've been living my life. I've gone through years of having this weight on my shoulders, always being afraid and anxious, and never living in the moment. At my lowest point I wasn't able to leave the house alone. I could go with a friend or my parents, but I couldn't walk down the street or go to stores. I remember having to wait until it was dark outside before I could walk to the mailbox. And if I forced myself to go out during the day, I would spend upwards of 30mins infront of a mirror judging myself and making sure i "looked ok". 

This went on throughout elementary school but got even worse in high school. I almost didn't continue on to college because I was scared of going by myself. I experienced anxiety in almost every social situation imaginable. I couldnt eat infront of others, couldn't order my own food, couldn't talk to family members, couldnt walk through a mall, couldn't use a phone in public etc. I had a few friends who i was comfortable with, but still not 100% comfortable. 

Fast forward to present. I attended a group cbt therapy program for 12 weeks. That was the first time I made any real progress on my anxiety, but I didn't give it 100% and the results werent as complete as they could have been. What have I accomplished so far? I no longer fear leaving the house, and I can go shopping and order my own food. It took my about 7 exposures in a shopping mall to get over that fear. The first few times I was shaking and got light headed, but the anxiety eventually got less and less until it was manageable. I managed to make a few new friends, and even had multiple girlfriends, more than my friends who don't have social anxiety, so I consider that an accomplishment. 

I recently graduated from another college program, and while looking for jobs and failing two interviews, i realized my anxiety is still holiding me back way too much, and I need to do something about this now if I am to grow as a man and accomplish my goals.

I still get anxious in groups (more than 2 or 3 ppl), i still get anxious expressing myself (smiling or laughing around others) or having long conversations with people. This needs to stop, I don't want to live like this any more. I see people going through their day so naturally, expressing themselves without a care in the world. I feel like if I get over this, and put all that wasted energy on to something else, that I could do anything. 

For the next 90 days I'm going to put 100% effort into doing CBT. I'm going to make a hierarchy of my feared situations and do exposures and experiments. I've done this before but always gave up after about a week or two. Its hard as **** to do this but i believe its the only way and life is too short to live like this. I could die any day and I dont want to die being an anxious little *****.

So i will be posting my journals and exposures and my thought records on here. This is all information I have got from my therapist and a CBT book on social anxiety that I am currently reading. I'm hoping that by doing this I will be motivated to continue until at least the 90 day mark. my goal is to do at least an hour of exposures every day. Hopefully by knowing that others are reading this, and with your support I can do this with all my effort. And if I make progress, it will hopefully motivate you guys to do something as well. Tomorrow will be day 1. I still need to plan my exposures and experiments but I will be starting tomorrow.


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## R0b01

*day 1*

Thought Record

*1. Situation*: gardening in backyard
*Thoughts:* felt like neighbor was watching me from window
"he will think im weird" 
"I might be gardening "wrong""
*Alternative Thoughts*: I don't know if he was watching me, and if he was he would be the weird one. 
"i dont know what he would think of me, and his opinion isnt important"
"gardening is my favorite hobby, i probably know more than he does, and its my property so I can garden "wrong" if I want to"

*2. Situation* doing an exercise in the gym
*Thoughts* "I might be doing an excercise wrong
"people are watching me doing it wrong and think im an idiot"
*Alternative thoughts* "so what if I do an exercise wrong, many people do. you learn from your mistakes"
"I watch people do an exercise too, and i never think they are an idiot if they do it incorrectly. I have no proof what they are thinking because no one has ever said anything to me"

I've been doing thought records for a while, but I still catch myself getting automatic negative thoughts sometimes. I only had two situations today that I noticed.

I didn't do any exposures today, I had to do some reading from the cbt book and make a list of my safety behaviours and exposures that I want to do. this is what i have so far.

Safety Behaviours:
1.looking down when walking in public if someone comes near me
2.avoiding eye contact while in public
3.speaking low or soft when talking others
4. hiding my emotions (laughing when i find something funny, or smiling if I am happy). this occurs in most situations unless im with a close friend.
5.using short or one word responses when people ask me a question or say something to me.
6.nodding my head instead of saying "yes or no" when parents or someone else asks me a question
7. not talking about myself to others
8. avoiding telling stories or jokes.

so to plan these exposures I have to identify the safety behaviour that i use and what situations I avoid. Then I have to identify the connection between what I do and what I think. example: I look down because i think people will judge me or make fun of me. Then I must do something differently (not use the safety behaviour). Lastly I hae to evaluate what actually happened and how it compares to my original thoughts or predictions. This will be the basis of my exposures and experiments.

I will try to stay in these exposures for as long as it takes for the anxiety to subside or until I notice a drop in my level of anxiety.

My first exposure for this week will be 
1. walking through mall with my head always up and keeping eye contact with whoever looks at me.
2. I will also do an experiment where I smile to 10 strangers. I will record my initial predictions and compare it with what actually happened.

I will do this everyday for this week starting tomorrow until sunday. I will post back tomorrow with my first completed exposure record.


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## ttrp

good luck!


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## Ninetales

Nice read. Good Luck!

And how did you make new friends/girlfriends? My SA is not worse than yours and I stilll cant :$


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## AnxietyGirlx

Keep it up  Let us know how you are doing.


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## R0b01

*day 2*

exposure : walk through mall without using safety behaviours (keeping head down, looking at cell phone, walking on side of walkway instead of middle)

prediction: people may look at me, and think that I walk weird. worst case: people point and laugh or approach me and make fun of me.

I hadn't been to a mall in a while to by anxiety at the begining was about 50%.
I stayed for 30 mins and set my timer to beep every 5 mins and recorded my anxiety. I walked in the middle of the hall throughout the mall and always kept my head up. There was a few times where I felt like grabbing my cellphone so that I could look down and distract myself, but I didnt give in. 
5min: anxiety 50%
10 min: anxiety 45%
15 min: anxiety 40%
20min: anxiety 30%
25 min: anxiety 30%
30 min: anxiety 25%

Around 20 min mark is when I noticed a big drop in my anxiety. Towards the end I started to get a headache and felt very tired. I read that being anxious does that to you. Whenever my anxiety felt strong I thought back to my worst case prediction, and I realized that none of it was coming true.

Results: I walked through for 30 minutes. Anxiety did drop towards the end, though it wasnt 100% gone by the 30 min mark. My predictions didn't come true, I saw maybe 2 or 3 people actually look at me the whole time. When I felt like someone was looking at me, I would turn around and check to see if they were, and 100% of the time they weren't. Most people seem to be lost in their own thoughts. My worst case prediction didnt come true, no one came up to me. I will go again tomorrow.

I then attempted to do my experiment where I smile at 10 people, but I ran into a bit of a hurdle. No one was looking at me lol. I said to myself "ill smile at the next 5 people i walk by"... i walked by 3 different people and forced a smile out, but no one noticed. It made me laugh, I felt like a crazy person. But i noticed it did have a big effect on my mood. just smiling like that for a few seconds made me feel so much better and it took all the attention off of myself and i literally felt no anxiety walking through the store. Im currently at school now, so i'm going to do the experiment while I walk back to my car, there are alot more people here who seem to make eye contact. I'll post the results when I get home.


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## R0b01

so I tried again, but no one seems to be making eye contact. Everyone is either looking down at their phone, or staring at the floor or just in a daze when they walk. Its making me realize though, how much no one really pays attention to you. I think i'm going to change this exposure a bit. Instead of smiling at 10 people, im going to pick a store or mall, and walk around with a smile on my face the whole time. This will still be good because I usually keep a straight face and one of my avoidance behaviours is to show no emotion in public. Hopefully some people will look at me and make eye contact when I do it this way. So ill be doing this and the original exposure tomorrow again.


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## torrente758

good luck, I'll keep on reading you


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## A SAD Finn

Good luck, just keep on doing it and you'll be fine. You've already seen that a dramatic change is possible and I'm sure you can use that as a powerful motivator to improve even further. I'm pretty much in the same boat with you except for not having had any girl friends.


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## Your dreaming WAKE UP

Keep at it!


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## David10

Good for you man. Exposure therapy is the best strategy. Good luck!


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## Zeeshan

Thread abondoned only after Day 2


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## DreamBig

Aww, I really wanted to know how the smiling non stop for 30 minutes went...


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## Your dreaming WAKE UP

what happened!


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## squidd

this is awesome! I hope you keep at it and keep posting. This is giving me hope for myself.


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## Donnie in the Dark

Keep posting OP, you have done great so far. The alternative thoughts are kicking your insecurities ugly little asses!


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## Freeliss

you can do this!Just keep trying!!


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## ben88

good luck dude.


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## R0b01

Hey, I had kept going for a few days after my last post then I started a new job and had abandoned my exposures for the most part. Things are still better than before though, I haven't slipped farther back. There was a few weeks where those automatic negative thoughts came creeping back but I started to record them again and put things back into perspective. 

I also did my first presentation by myself...ever. All through high school and college I had made excuses or just skipped my date to present, but I finally got myself up there and did it. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I also wasn't as prepared as I could have been because I was about to skip it again, but decided the night before to just suck it up and do it. If others can do it then so can I. It took about 10 minutes to present everything, and I stuttered about 3 times. My hands started to shake a bit about halfway through. But I kept going, and a few people commented that they enjoyed it and found my topic interesting. 

I decided now to take a public speaking class that the same professor teaches. He said from the first class, he will make us stand up and talk and do exercises in front of everyone. I'm scared ****less thinking about it, but I know it will help. 

I'll update more later, I'm not giving up on these exposures....and yes I know I have to be consistent


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## Wilbur

Glad to see the update. You have a ton of insight in your OP and early logs. 

"Its making me realize though, how much no one really pays attention to you."

Good point -- my T told me some SA'ers have a depressed state when our illusions of being in the spotlight come crashing down to reality where most people could give two ***** about me or what I'm doing/wearing/saying/etc etc. But then you realize you can mostly do anything you want, and not live within strict rules or boundaries day to day, and it's a liberating feeling. 

Best wishes for the public speaking class.


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## R0b01

*Another update*

Hey...I know its been a really long time but I felt like I should give another update, hopefully to motivate some of you out there who are still struggling as much as I was.

So I went through with that public speaking class. I was not the greatest, in fact I was probably one of the "worst" in the class. But I did learn some things. The most important being that almost everyone gets nervous to some extent. My professor knew of my past with S.A, I told him everything, so he was supportive and I gave him permission to pick on me and push me to do extra speeches during the classes. It was definitely a good experience and I'm happy that I was able to go through it. It was not easy, I didn't show up for my first speech, and almost ended up dropping the class. But it was the desire to change that gave me the courage to face my fears.

Finishing that class gave me the confidence to start applying for jobs in my field. I'm now working in a call center, which is something I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined myself doing just a few years or even months ago. I've probably taken close to 3000 calls while working here for the past few months, and being in that environment really helps you change your old s.a behaviours. But once again, it was NOT easy to get to this point. The first 2 weeks at this new job was absolute hell for me. I barely slept, and I had anxiety non stop while at work. My co-workers even asked me why I looked so scared all the time. I'm not ashamed to admit this, there were some days where I actually cried on my way to work. I wanted to quit my job by the end of the first week. My hands would literally shake while I sat at work and waited for the phones to ring.

Something happened though, during that week, that really struck a chord inside me. I was talking to one of my co-workers about the job and how he liked it. And he said "its so chill, we barely do anything and there's no stress". No stress? It made me think. I graduated from the same school as he did, I got better grades and I have more credentials in our field. Yet, why the **** do I find this job so stressful that I can cry on my way to work?! Why do my hands shake while I wait for calls, while he just sits there and reads articles online with not a care in the world? This fueled my desire even more, to keep pushing myself. It led to a shift in the way I think and in the way I challenge those negative beliefs that creep up.

Whenever I'm in a situation that triggers my anxiety, I look around at the people around me, and I ask myself "If these people can be here and do whatever they are doing without feeling any ounce of anxiety, then there is no reason why I can't do the same. I'm just as capable as any one else". This is a belief that wasn't easy to adopt at the beginning. But it made so much sense to me when I saw how easy it was for my coworker to be at ease in the workplace considering we both came from the same background and are both equally qualified for our positions.

I'll give you another example of when this really helped me. I was at the gym a few months ago with my friend. We went at the busiest time and it was really crowded inside. I had an anxiety attack and told my friend I had to leave because there was too many people and I didn't want to wait around for the machines (really I was just scared ****less because of all the people). I did leave. I walked to my car and was about to go home. I sat inside for 2 minutes and thought to myself "everyone in that gym is there to workout, and so am I. Why should they get to workout without feeling any anxiety? I'm not any different than them. Some of them are smaller than me, and some are bigger, I've been working out for years and I'm there for the same purpose as everyone else". I went back in there and did my workout. Nobody noticed and nobody cared.

The big thing is to challenge those negative thoughts when they come up. I know it feels real and I know you want to do everything in your power to escape, but escaping will only strengthen your old habits! If you want to change you have to take the steps to change your beliefs, and you have to start taking action! I'm not 100% better, but I'm better than I was yesterday. As long as you keep challenging yourself, you will always come out better than you were yesterday. I'm sorry to say, but the fear never goes away. Fear is a part of life, it will always be there. But you will get to a point where you learn to act DESPITE the fear. Once you get to that point things will start to change. Things that you were afraid of yesterday will no longer scare you today.

But you always have to keep challenging yourself. For example, I've taken thousands of calls at my new job this past few months. My hands no longer shake in between calls. I can sit there and read an article without any worries, just as I watched my coworker do on my first week at the job. However, today I was asked to do some outbound calls, something that I was not hired to do. I started to panic. My boss gave me a list of 20 people that I had to call. I literally went back to my desk and had an anxiety attack. I thought of 100 excuses that I could tell my boss, so that I wouldn't have to make those calls. But once again, that same co-worker was sitting beside me. He was also asked to make outbound calls to a list of 20 people. I listened for a few minutes and watched at how effortlessly he dialed the numbers and spoke to the people, and I remembered my first week on the job. "if he can do it, then so can I". I dialed every number on that list and I did it. I can now say to myself that I've successfully made outbound calls, something that I was scared to do all my life. Will it still be hard the next few times? Probably. But now I know I can do it. Every time you do something that you were scared of, you WILL gain confidence. Confidence in your abilities and confidence in yourself. You will start to realize that you are no different than anyone else. If someone else is capable of doing something, then so are you.

These are the things that helped me to change my beliefs and helped me to take action. 
1. Change your beliefs and attitude about S.A. DONT give yourself labels. YOU ARE NOT social anxiety. Social anxiety was something that you suffered from but it can be changed by changing your actions. It is not a disease, it is not a disorder. YOU have the power to change. Nobody said it will be easy, but others have done it and so can you. I no longer consider myself socially anxious. Sure, I still have those anxious thoughts and feelings come when I'm exposed to new situations, just as I did today at work when I had to make those calls. But now I know that every time I act despite my fear, I am gaining confidence and learning new skills. 
2. Always push yourself and do not get comfortable with where youre at. Did your friend invite you out to a party where you barely know anyone? GO! Sure you may be nervous at first, but hey, if everyone else can be at that party and have fun, then so can you! 
3. Hang around people who don't have s.a. Being around people who are social and comfortable will help you in the long run. You will learn new social skills and they will introduce you to new places, people, and things that you would never be exposed to. Being in an environment that is social and that allows you to make connections and interact with people WILL eventually change your old ways of thinking/behaving.

Its not easy and I don't claim to be some super outgoing extrovert. I am still introverted and people still often refer to me as quiet. In fact I don't want to be super outgoing. I like the way I am. But I am no longer held back by that excessive fear. The fear will always be there, but things will change once you learn to take action despite the fear. I hope some of you will gain some motivation from this post. I was "diagnosed" with social anxiety about 7 years ago, and had it most of my life. I was too scared to leave my house at my worst time. It is possible to change. If others can do it, then so can you.


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## Haven49

Good job!


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## troytrez

*Very motivating im glad you reposted*

Very motivating im glad you reposted, i always see people giving up on exposure but it still seems you took alot away from it. Taking action i think is the most important and effective thing you can to to get over social anxiety. new to this forum and i just started exposure again ive given up twice already but now im even more motivated now to continue im on the 4th day. just asking strangers for directions and the time. Ive also tried adding compliments while asking for directions somewhere and its helping alot. Also tried some random things like asking someone to give me a compliment very bluntly and did this like 12 times. Everyone just lit up thought it was ballsy and gave me great compliments haha, just said was having a bad day, if they gave me a confused look worked everytime. but i think you should still post on experiences where you almost backed down, but perservered and took the action despite of fear it keeps people motivated


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## jacim

That was an excellent read, you should consider a career as a motivational speaker!
I've been trying to put myself out there more lately, also using some CBT challenges. It's so hard not to say f it on those days when nothing seems easy. You're truly an inspiration. Keep up the good work.


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## blueingreen

Thank you for posting. This is quite motivational, I really need to put more effort into overcoming my anxiety. I tend to get complacent with my quiet, internal life, but if I regularly dealt with my anxiety and put myself out there it would open up my possibilities so much...


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## cc1991

Good luck  This is motivating me even more.


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## Sandile84

I'm gonna be following this thread with extreme interest. Keep it up


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## jellybelly

This is really inspiring, keep up the great work!


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## Everton

Superb OP


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## Social Anxiety Institute

So happy to read this post. You are implementing cognitive behavioral therapy. You catch the negative, irrational thought, you label it as such (at least challenge it), you begin to "turn the tables on the ANTs", as Dr. Richards says, by going neutral at first. And you keep turning the tables on these irrational thoughts by going positive. It's the irrational anxiety that you keep challenging and proving wrong that changes the way your thinking behaves, making you stronger in the direction of overcoming social anxiety. There are a lot of little steps in there that you are doing quite well. I hope people can see that. People may need structured help with these small steps to put them in place in an order which is effective. You are doing it. Well done and continued commitment to freeing yourself!

-Matt


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## zoboomafoo

Thanks for sharing! I found this very helpful.


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## cloister2

nice job


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## SparklingWater

R0b01 said:


> Hey...I know its been a really long time but I felt like I should give another update, hopefully to motivate some of you out there who are still struggling as much as I was.
> 
> So I went through with that public speaking class. I was not the greatest, in fact I was probably one of the "worst" in the class. But I did learn some things. The most important being that almost everyone gets nervous to some extent. My professor knew of my past with S.A, I told him everything, so he was supportive and I gave him permission to pick on me and push me to do extra speeches during the classes. It was definitely a good experience and I'm happy that I was able to go through it. It was not easy, I didn't show up for my first speech, and almost ended up dropping the class. But it was the desire to change that gave me the courage to face my fears.
> 
> Finishing that class gave me the confidence to start applying for jobs in my field. I'm now working in a call center, which is something I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined myself doing just a few years or even months ago. I've probably taken close to 3000 calls while working here for the past few months, and being in that environment really helps you change your old s.a behaviours. But once again, it was NOT easy to get to this point. The first 2 weeks at this new job was absolute hell for me. I barely slept, and I had anxiety non stop while at work. My co-workers even asked me why I looked so scared all the time. I'm not ashamed to admit this, there were some days where I actually cried on my way to work. I wanted to quit my job by the end of the first week. My hands would literally shake while I sat at work and waited for the phones to ring.
> 
> Something happened though, during that week, that really struck a chord inside me. I was talking to one of my co-workers about the job and how he liked it. And he said "its so chill, we barely do anything and there's no stress". No stress? It made me think. I graduated from the same school as he did, I got better grades and I have more credentials in our field. Yet, why the **** do I find this job so stressful that I can cry on my way to work?! Why do my hands shake while I wait for calls, while he just sits there and reads articles online with not a care in the world? This fueled my desire even more, to keep pushing myself. It led to a shift in the way I think and in the way I challenge those negative beliefs that creep up.
> 
> Whenever I'm in a situation that triggers my anxiety, I look around at the people around me, and I ask myself "If these people can be here and do whatever they are doing without feeling any ounce of anxiety, then there is no reason why I can't do the same. I'm just as capable as any one else". This is a belief that wasn't easy to adopt at the beginning. But it made so much sense to me when I saw how easy it was for my coworker to be at ease in the workplace considering we both came from the same background and are both equally qualified for our positions.
> 
> I'll give you another example of when this really helped me. I was at the gym a few months ago with my friend. We went at the busiest time and it was really crowded inside. I had an anxiety attack and told my friend I had to leave because there was too many people and I didn't want to wait around for the machines (really I was just scared ****less because of all the people). I did leave. I walked to my car and was about to go home. I sat inside for 2 minutes and thought to myself "everyone in that gym is there to workout, and so am I. Why should they get to workout without feeling any anxiety? I'm not any different than them. Some of them are smaller than me, and some are bigger, I've been working out for years and I'm there for the same purpose as everyone else". I went back in there and did my workout. Nobody noticed and nobody cared.
> 
> The big thing is to challenge those negative thoughts when they come up. I know it feels real and I know you want to do everything in your power to escape, but escaping will only strengthen your old habits! If you want to change you have to take the steps to change your beliefs, and you have to start taking action! I'm not 100% better, but I'm better than I was yesterday. As long as you keep challenging yourself, you will always come out better than you were yesterday. I'm sorry to say, but the fear never goes away. Fear is a part of life, it will always be there. But you will get to a point where you learn to act DESPITE the fear. Once you get to that point things will start to change. Things that you were afraid of yesterday will no longer scare you today.
> 
> But you always have to keep challenging yourself. For example, I've taken thousands of calls at my new job this past few months. My hands no longer shake in between calls. I can sit there and read an article without any worries, just as I watched my coworker do on my first week at the job. However, today I was asked to do some outbound calls, something that I was not hired to do. I started to panic. My boss gave me a list of 20 people that I had to call. I literally went back to my desk and had an anxiety attack. I thought of 100 excuses that I could tell my boss, so that I wouldn't have to make those calls. But once again, that same co-worker was sitting beside me. He was also asked to make outbound calls to a list of 20 people. I listened for a few minutes and watched at how effortlessly he dialed the numbers and spoke to the people, and I remembered my first week on the job. "if he can do it, then so can I". I dialed every number on that list and I did it. I can now say to myself that I've successfully made outbound calls, something that I was scared to do all my life. Will it still be hard the next few times? Probably. But now I know I can do it. Every time you do something that you were scared of, you WILL gain confidence. Confidence in your abilities and confidence in yourself. You will start to realize that you are no different than anyone else. If someone else is capable of doing something, then so are you.
> 
> These are the things that helped me to change my beliefs and helped me to take action.
> 1. Change your beliefs and attitude about S.A. DONT give yourself labels. YOU ARE NOT social anxiety. Social anxiety was something that you suffered from but it can be changed by changing your actions. It is not a disease, it is not a disorder. YOU have the power to change. Nobody said it will be easy, but others have done it and so can you. I no longer consider myself socially anxious. Sure, I still have those anxious thoughts and feelings come when I'm exposed to new situations, just as I did today at work when I had to make those calls. But now I know that every time I act despite my fear, I am gaining confidence and learning new skills.
> 2. Always push yourself and do not get comfortable with where youre at. Did your friend invite you out to a party where you barely know anyone? GO! Sure you may be nervous at first, but hey, if everyone else can be at that party and have fun, then so can you!
> 3. Hang around people who don't have s.a. Being around people who are social and comfortable will help you in the long run. You will learn new social skills and they will introduce you to new places, people, and things that you would never be exposed to. Being in an environment that is social and that allows you to make connections and interact with people WILL eventually change your old ways of thinking/behaving.
> 
> Its not easy and I don't claim to be some super outgoing extrovert. I am still introverted and people still often refer to me as quiet. In fact I don't want to be super outgoing. I like the way I am. But I am no longer held back by that excessive fear. The fear will always be there, but things will change once you learn to take action despite the fear. I hope some of you will gain some motivation from this post. I was "diagnosed" with social anxiety about 7 years ago, and had it most of my life. I was too scared to leave my house at my worst time. It is possible to change. If others can do it, then so can you.


I love this idea. It's so true. Yes it may take me a while to work through this stuff, but the reality is if others can do these things with very little anxiety, it's also within the realm of possibility for me. It's a helpful perspective, especially when I'm down on myself. (sorry for bumping super old thread btw, been reading up on exposure therapy.)


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## I Beethoven

Its nice to see someone beating this disorder keep up the good work this is inspiring


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