# Eharmony tells me I'm not good enough...



## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

So apparently even with many millions of members and a formula to calculate my match, they still can't find anyone for me. That's really reassuring for someone with SA :|


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

EHarmony are the bullies of online dating. You got off easy, like me. I felt bad about it at first, but then when you do get a match, they just jerk you around by giving you matches that can't return messages to you because they're not paid members. There's a story about it on the OKCupid creator's blog about your chances of finding someone on a site like EHarmony.


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## AgentScully (Dec 1, 2010)

EHarmony is super lame.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Don't let an internet algorithm get you down man!

It means _nothing_.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Its just a silly computer programme, screw it


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

They pride themselves on their success rates in comparison to other sites so they try their best to keep that up by having a pretty specific criteria and only allowing those who they are positive would have enough in common with others or who would do well with dating.

I've heard they reject those with mood disorders too, or who have had several marriages.
They also reject any looking for same-sex relations, but it's a Christian site so that's not surprising. According to wiki they say 1 out of 5 are not suitable for their services... if you google it you could probably find many pages talking about being rejected by them.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Here is the thing about stupid-*** personality tests:

While they may indicate your esteem in the present tense, a person's emotions change and so does his/her personality. Really, you may think your sad or happy or both but the truth is that your those things and everything in between with or without noticing it. Personality tests are flawed in that sense.


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

nothing to fear said:


> They pride themselves on their success rates in comparison to other sites so they try their best to keep that up by having a pretty specific criteria and only allowing those who they are positive would have enough in common with others or who would do well with dating.
> 
> I've heard they reject those with mood disorders too, or who have had several marriages.
> They also reject any looking for same-sex relations, but it's a Christian site so that's not surprising. According to wiki they say 1 out of 5 are not suitable for their services... if you google it you could probably find many pages talking about being rejected by them.


That sounds so horrible it has to be true. And I guess I'm not really that bummed about it just more frustrated at the fact that there goes yet another possible place to search for a SO. I just don't where to look anymore. Internet dating hasn't gone my way (as you can see with my most recent endeavor) but I'm just too anxious in person. :stu


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## MattFoley (Dec 5, 2009)

Wait, how do you know that it doesn't mean that you were ranked so highly that they wouldn't have been able to find someone good enough for you?


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

I've gotten the exact response before from eHarmony. It's depressing and makes me a little angry.


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

becks said:


> Wait, how do you know that it doesn't mean that you were ranked so highly that they wouldn't have been able to find someone good enough for you?


Touche good sir!


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Use okcupid instead. There are lots of members there who practically take pride in their disorders.


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> Use okcupid instead. There are lots of members there who practically take pride in their disorders.


I just got off my second stint on that site actually. Still not much luck. I did talk to a few people and I actually met this really cute girl for coffee once, but nothing other than that.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

fush6644 said:


> So apparently even with many millions of members and a formula to calculate my match, they still can't find anyone for me. That's really reassuring for someone with SA :|


OMG - I can't imagine this!
"Dear MM75,

You are not good enough for out patented process, but please accept our free PERSONALITY PROFILE with things you can work on.

Our sincere apologies - Good Luck!
eHarmony.com"


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I wonder if there are matches, but they are just not close to you? Or if a perfect girl/boy came along the next day and filled out the survey, would they come back and say we found you a match?


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

Classified said:


> I wonder if there are matches, but they are just not close to you? Or if a perfect girl/boy came along the next day and filled out the survey, would they come back and say we found you a match?


It's been 16 months since I took that test.

They haven't e-mailed me back.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I got that too, and after trying random answers. I never heard of anyone getting a match for free. It's rigged to get you to pay money.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

This is just what I heard but, I think if your answers indicate any type of depression etc... issues or your answers are inconsistent they give you that blurb. I think eharmony mostly has mid twenties and up women so yeah I wouldn't take it too personally unless you're in the mood to cougar it up. I would try free dating site like okcupid mainly because the younger people tend to go to those more.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Honestly, I don't think you're missing out.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^Awww, I think Leigh and Annamarie are cute!

.....is it sad I know their names from the Eharmony commercials?


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> ^Awww, I think Leigh and Annamarie are cute!
> 
> *.....is it sad I know their names from the Eharmony commercials?*


Yes, yes it is :b


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

You're forgetting about the elephant in the room of online dating sites.


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## MattFoley (Dec 5, 2009)

pita said:


> Honestly, I don't think you're missing out.


He reminds me of this:


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

http://eharmony-blog.com/104

Retook the test, only changing one "dimension" saying I had a normal family life instead of an overbearing one where the parents and enemies of mine were abusive to me... and I passed. I got 3 matches.

No... I'm serious. CIRCUMSTANCES that are OUT OF MY CONTROL are the reason I will be forever rejected by eHarmony.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> You're forgetting about the elephant in the room of online dating sites.


There are elephants on e-harmony?!


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

Well, let's not kid ourselves here. E-Harmony is NOT a casual dating service.

It is a service for those who are looking to get married and/or are ready for serious commitment in a relationship. Ok, let's give them that one.

But don't you think it's a little odd that the type of people who are probably the most ready for commitment, people like introverted, shy, caring people who, while a little worried of commitment at first, tend to stick around longer than those a little more "wild" (just on average) are the ones that are getting thrown to the curb by eHarmony?

And especially in my case, it baffles me that I only changed my FAMILY LIFE, circumstances that I CANNOT CONTROL, and somehow I pass. :\


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

pita said:


> Honestly, I don't think you're missing out.





Perfectionist said:


> ^Awww, I think Leigh and Annamarie are cute!
> 
> .....is it sad I know their names from the Eharmony commercials?


OMG - Pinocchio lives!


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## MattFoley (Dec 5, 2009)

Harpuia said:


> And especially in my case, it baffles me that I only changed my FAMILY LIFE, circumstances that I CANNOT CONTROL, and somehow I pass. :\


Yup, being born into a disfunctional family is a liability. I learned this one recently. We really should be quarantined. Our past dooms us and we can only inflict masssive damage upon society if and when we enter relationships.


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## Music Man (Aug 22, 2009)

fush6644 said:


> So apparently even with many millions of members and a formula to calculate my match, they still can't find anyone for me. That's really reassuring for someone with SA :|


Since reading this post, I thought I'd try to sign up, just for the fun of it.

I got the same message, not surprising; that algorithm is pretty rubbish, I wouldn't worry about sites like this :teeth


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

becks said:


> Yup, being born into a disfunctional family is a liability. I learned this one recently. We really should be quarantined. Our past dooms us and we can only inflict masssive damage upon society if and when we enter relationships.


I can live with the whole depression thing doesn't make you suitable for eHarmony, because people can eventually change from that.

You cannot change a dysfunctional or abusive family life. Don't even get me started...


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

Music Man said:


> Since reading this post, I thought I'd try to sign up, just for the fun of it.
> 
> I got the same message, not surprising; that algorithm is pretty rubbish, I wouldn't worry about sites like this :teeth


I have come to this conclusion as well. I'll find happiness on my own


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

EHarmony is full of losers and fat chicks anyway. You're too cool for them.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Funny because even though I never made a profile on match.com I'm getting email saying how girls are checking me out.... hmmm


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

pita said:


> Honestly, I don't think you're missing out.


Haha, that is pretty funny...

Looks like he is reading his script on how to make out with a girl.


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## Elizabeth419 (Sep 9, 2010)

My brother, two of my cousins, and I all decided to try this for a joke. All of us, even though we answered seriously and honestly, were rejected. Basically if your answers aren't general and dumbed down they won't accept you.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

My mom's friend is on Eharmony. She's in her early 40s. She's obviously looking for a dude who's not too old. Someone impressive responded to her. A university professor in his late 40s, world traveller, etc etc. Friend met the guy in person and he turned out to be a hobbling 60 year old man. Put up an old photo, lied in his profile, and so on. And that was that.

What about Plentyoffish...lots of people on that site. Probably more geared towards the young-ish crowd.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

Dub16 said:


> Its just a silly computer programme, screw it


How dare you! Heresy, I say!

E-harmony is the sole arbiter of romantic reality in our world, a god among mere mortals, cupid made manifest! The word of the E-harmony questionnaire is infallable!

IN! FALL! A! BLE!

Or I suppose it's possible it's just one of those BS internet surveys with really stupid, leading questions that means absolutely nothing and exists solely as a way to extract money from the gullible, but I think my former suggestion is infinitely more likely.

All hail the algorithm!


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

Eliza said:


> What about Plentyoffish...lots of people on that site. Probably more geared towards the young-ish crowd.


Yeah...NO. I know several people who went on this site as a joke and started stringing people along. As soon as people responded, they ditched them. I also know a few women who went on here and the men only tried to get them into bed. One friend really liked the guy, slept with him and he dumped her. I only know one person whose ever met anyone on there that was nice and that she started a relationship with. One friend started a phone-relationships with a guy, just chatting until he started stalking her (mostly by phone and internet - constant emails and phone calls, threatening to go to her friend's places). Thankfully he gave up after a year.

I myself went on there and yeah I was greeted with champs that started talking about my underwear and asking if I wanted to 'hook up' behind a building. I don't know if anyone else on here has had similar situations but to ME plentoffish is a waste of time.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

HannahG said:


> Yeah...NO. I know several people who went on this site as a joke and started stringing people along. As soon as people responded, they ditched them. I also know a few women who went on here and the men only tried to get them into bed. One friend really liked the guy, slept with him and he dumped her. I only know one person whose ever met anyone on there that was nice and that she started a relationship with. One friend started a phone-relationships with a guy, just chatting until he started stalking her (mostly by phone and internet - constant emails and phone calls, threatening to go to her friend's places). Thankfully he gave up after a year.
> 
> I myself went on there and yeah I was greeted with champs that started talking about my underwear and asking if I wanted to 'hook up' behind a building. I don't know if anyone else on here has had similar situations but to ME plentoffish is a waste of time.


Oh :hide

I set up a profile there without a photo, just so I could properly try out the site, and got a few responses. I figured there would be more weirdos there though, since it's free.


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## Red Sun (Jul 6, 2008)

Well I have over 1800 matches on eHarmony and am still single and one of the loneliest people in the world so go figure :roll


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