# I'm not even really depressed at the moment but suicide seems pretty rational to me



## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself at this very moment, or even anytime soon. It might infact be years or decades away. _(Plus it would be pretty stupid to off myself before Uncharted 3 came out anyway)_ It just seems inevitable to me at this point. I can't see myself dying from old age, unexpected accident/or murder, cancer etc. I like having control over the things that happen in my life and death seems like an important enough event that one should have control over.

Plus I don't see my SA ever getting any better. I'll never get married or have kids so ehhh......

I'll :clap:clap cause I don't want this to be a pity/sorrow thread because I'm sincerely not depressed _(at the moment)_

anyone else feel like this?


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Its abnormal even during grief


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

eh, it just seems like the most logical conclusion to this thing called existence to me.

wanting control over your life is abnormal?

I mean, I understand that there are alot of things in life we have no control over, but death _(which comes for everyone)_ doesn't necessarily have to be one of them.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Suicide does seem pretty rational if you don't have much to lose, but most people are not like us.

Either way, talks about suicide are not encouraged on this forum. This thread will not last long.


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## bluedragon (May 14, 2010)

u will just be reincarnated again


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## Aries33 (Sep 22, 2011)

No not really its up to you and yes you do have control over your death your breathing right now but if you choose to take your own life then so be it, if you dont wanna grow old just kill yourself when your ready i've already tried (CUTTING, HANGING, OVERDOSE) but im not dead yet when the time is right you will know when to do it you dont even have to be depressed


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Its strange that suicide seems easier than actually trying to make a difference, sometimes I think theres no reason to live but I dont make an effort to change.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

bluedragon said:


> u will just be reincarnated again


that would truly suck ***


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## Tugwahquah (Apr 13, 2011)

Your soul may wander lost for eternity?!
_____________________
Life is a journey, one step at a time.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

so what is your goal for the goal setting forum here?


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## sleepytime (Feb 18, 2011)

I can kind of relate. I've never felt so bad that I've seriously contemplated suicide, but at the same time I feel like life is pointless. If I had an easy choice then I'd rather not be here, it's just that suicide to me isn't an 'easy choice'. If someone offered to make it so my conception never took place and I never existed at all then I would jump at that offer, to me that would be an 'easy choice'.


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## lazy (Nov 19, 2008)

Knowbody said:


> wanting control over your life is abnormal?


the issue is that there are other ways to seek control... if anything it's a situational paradox. As in, in terms of having SA, it's an illusion of control because ultimately, you never successfully found a way to deal with SA... SA owned you.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

_AJ_ said:


> so what is your goal for the goal setting forum here?


:yes


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## SolidFlared (Oct 31, 2011)

It is in fact completely irrational, it goes against all reason. Have you studied Logic? THere's no logic in what you say. 

To add to that you post this on a Goal Setting forum?

I consider this trolling.

EDIT: Why is this Ilogical ? Because it makes absolutely no sense. If you want complete control there's one thing you have to kill but it isn't yourself. Its your Fear. When I see sad people I see angry people that thought way to much on what they felt. When I am sad It was because I didn't react accordingly to my emotions, I had no control over my thoughts and just let them fly. That's why I think what you say makes no sense. You speak of control but what you say negates the possibility of ever having true control. It is like sinking a ship when your in the boiler room because You don't know how to get to the bridge. 

Hope things improve.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

i'm glad this hasn't been locked yet.

Been hearing about all my peers are preparing for their 30s, having kids, buying houses, making lots of money, saving and having fun etc.

It only makes me think about it more because I haven't even started a career yet and don't think I could obtain one even if I tried......._(and I won't be able to get the job I actually want until I'm 40 at this rate.)_

I want the easy way out, why do others want us to ride it out and continue to be miserable?

Why do people look down on those who've decided that they finally had enough torture and took matters into their own hands?

seriously.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you are, Knowbody. My suicide ideation has been really high lately, even when I don't feel particularly depressed. (Might be starting an episode now though. I'll have to see how long it lasts.) For me, however, it's not so much as wanting control as it is wanting to give up on life. I'm not planning on committing suicide, but I've had a nagging feeling that I'm going to die young, ever since middle school. I just don't see a future for myself, and whenever anybody asks about it, I feel really irritable. Oh well. I'll be thinking of you until it passes, knowing that I'm not alone.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

lazy said:


> the issue is that there are other ways to seek control... if anything it's a situational paradox. As in, in terms of having SA, it's an illusion of control because ultimately, you never successfully found a way to deal with SA... SA owned you.


Exactly. I was thinking the same thing :con


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> i'm glad this hasn't been locked yet.
> 
> Been hearing about all my peers are preparing for their 30s, having kids, buying houses, making lots of money, saving and having fun etc.
> 
> ...


Yeah

I think people really just don't understand mental illness because by definition it means not being happy with the way life works

I just cringe at the thought of married life, "growing up" in any sense and what people expect you to do later in life in particular, and anything to do with professionalism in particular.

But for now, there is value in gaining knowledge about life that other people aren't able to because of relationships and so on. I could be that really awesome teacher type of person if I wanted to. Teach philosophy in an online class through Youtube or something. got lots of time to formulate a plan, anyway.



Secretly Pretentious said:


> Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you are, Knowbody. My suicide ideation has been really high lately, even when I don't feel particularly depressed. (Might be starting an episode now though. I'll have to see how long it lasts.) For me, however, it's not so much as wanting control as it is wanting to give up on life.


Yeah, I see the insignificance of life as in, the future will be a lot better.., and I see everything that people do to work against each other. The world is pretty sick, and I've read discussions where people say they wouldn't want to bring up a child in a world like this.

It doesn't bother me about taking control of death, I mean, what's more important is the things you do with your life not the official cause of death right? The "control" over your death is something that relies entirely inside of you, so, it means nothing to the rest of the world. Thinking you are doing something in your control by taking your life, is just innate human nature. It's better, of course, if everyone in that position goes through a change so that they're happier with their lives.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> I've had a nagging feeling that I'm going to die young, ever since middle school.


Yeah me too, since high school.. I'm not interested in the same things as other people, I have my own agenda that really takes a toll on my health and mental health, which is probably the cause for my general feeling of imminent doom.

But that's the life I've chosen now. To shine bright and scorch the earth in this spot. To try to erase the meaninglessness from my life which I'd considered from a young age.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

jg43i9jghy0t4555 said:


> Yeah
> 
> I think people really just don't understand mental illness because by definition it means not being happy with the way life works
> 
> ...


You don't have to get married. What do people expect you to do? Get a job? Lol, that's pretty much all I can think of. You don't *have* to get married and have kids if you don't want to, I've read about members here who claim they don't plan on doing it, I'm not judging them for it, it's their life. If you don't want to settle down and have kids then that's completely your choice, live life how you want to live it.

If you're just upset about needing a job, then I'm sorry to say that's not gonna change. You have to work to make a living in this world as an adult, no one's gonna give you what you need without any money, and to get money you need a job.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> You don't have to get married. What do people expect you to do? Get a job? Lol, that's pretty much all I can think of. You don't *have* to get married and have kids if you don't want to, I've read about members here who claim they don't plan on doing it, I'm not judging them for it, it's their life. If you don't want to settle down and have kids then that's completely your choice, live life how you want to live it.
> 
> If you're just upset about needing a job, then I'm sorry to say that's not gonna change. You have to work to make a living in this world as an adult, no one's gonna give you what you need without any money, and to get money you need a job.


Well, heh, it's the whole deal of adult life really. The kind of behavior adults in my country expect. I am finding more about myself and I'm changing, I'm definitely not the type of person that lives even half within normal life. And I'm not interested in being both someone that plays to these modern values as well as my own interests.. it's too much. I can't be 2 different people when I really don't know where 1 personality will go.

I'm not upset about finding a job itself, I accept that what I do isn't recognized as meaningful work because it's not directly valuable to the economy.. I'm upset with the harsh reality of modern work culture and the attitudes of people in my dream industry, but I think I've accepted this is good because it gives me an opportunity to do something that may turn out to be better.

Going back to the first point.. people expect me to buy brand name products and hold house parties and that kind of thing. I think living without that would be fine, but what about finding a partner that understands all that. I don't think I could ever be happy without pursuing the interests I have, either. Honestly, I can't be happy without chasing my dream. Well this will sound like gibberish to you maybe, it's for me more than anything.


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## Hopeful25 (Aug 8, 2011)

jg43i9jghy0t4555 said:


> Well, heh, it's the whole deal of adult life really. The kind of behavior adults in my country expect. I am finding more about myself and I'm changing, I'm definitely not the type of person that lives even half within normal life. And I'm not interested in being both someone that plays to these modern values as well as my own interests.. it's too much. I can't be 2 different people when I really don't know where 1 personality will go.
> 
> I'm not upset about finding a job itself, I accept that what I do isn't recognized as meaningful work because it's not directly valuable to the economy.. I'm upset with the harsh reality of modern work culture and the attitudes of people in my dream industry, but I think I've accepted this is good because it gives me an opportunity to do something that may turn out to be better.
> 
> Going back to the first point.. people expect me to buy brand name products and hold house parties and that kind of thing. I think living without that would be fine, but what about finding a partner that understands all that. I don't think I could ever be happy without pursuing the interests I have, either. Honestly, I can't be happy without chasing my dream. Well this will sound like gibberish to you maybe, it's for me more than anything.


Hm, it's just hard for me to believe that someone could feel that disconnected from how the world works that they feel like they would have to end their lives at some point. There are plenty of free thinkers and drifters and people that don't follow the norm that continue living and are generally happy.

Maybe if you elaborated on how you were living and how it's "not even half of a normal life" I'd have a better understand of why you simply can't stand to live in the world as it is now. I'm sure it's a long story though so you don't have to elaborate lol. I just always try to throw positivity in threads like these, I can't help it. Regardless of what you choose to do or what path you take, I hope it works out for you and I hope you find some way to be happy in this world


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

Hopeful25 said:


> I just always try to throw positivity in threads like these, I can't help it. Regardless of what you choose to do or what path you take, I hope it works out for you and I hope you find some way to be happy in this world


Sure, I understand  and thanks.

I won't elaborate because that's the nature of the problem really, it's so overwhelming and detailed

You too though, and I should really be writing more positive stuff


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