# Who is honest and tells their friends about their social anixety?



## ManInAShed (Dec 19, 2016)

Is this the way to go, to just say screw it and be honest? I did this with a couple of friends on Saturday night, didn't really phase them as its so obvious and I don't know what the outcome will be but if I'm going to be judged by a person I don't want to be around them anyway so why not just be open about it?


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

I haven't done it because it doesn't put a dent in my friendships. If it did they just wouldn't be my friend.

I don't believe in spelling out who you are for people unless it's asked or you're typing up a bio.


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## fluorish (Sep 24, 2016)

S.A.S friends only lol. I should probably do it though, I dont see why not at this stage.


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## gisellemarx (Feb 1, 2010)

I have one friend. She knows about my social anxiety. I can't seem to make any new friends, but if I could, I'd probably tell them too. It's just so much easier to have them understand _why _I'm such an antisocial trainwreck.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I only have friends I've met on here so. But I guess I would if I had a friend I was close with.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I have, but they don't get it. Makes me feel a bit more isolated tbh.


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## CrystalGemPearl (Oct 3, 2016)

I only told my current bf about my flatuphobia.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I have only one friend, online. She knows about my SA because I've never made a secret about it on the Internet; in fact, I used to warn people I was trying to befriend/who were trying to befriend me that I have anxiety and might take a while to reply. (Didn't matter, they'd always say, "I understand, I'm shy sometimes, too!"...and then they'd realize _anxiety_ is not the same as _shyness_ and would give up on me. :roll )

My one online friend, she's had some anxiety issues herself, so I think that's why she understands and puts up with me far more than anyone else ever has.

IRL I don't have an opportunity to make friends so the point is moot. People just assume I'm a snob.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

When I was younger I never really told my friends - I had a number of close friends back then and not telling them was a serious mistake. I started taking benzos very early on in the piece - at about 22 or so I think - and would use that to cover up my fears and pretend everything was okay. So they rarely got to see the real me and I would imagine found it very difficult to believe me when I said I had anxiety.

Also, my anxiety does vary a lot and so sometimes I can appear pretty outgoing - so it must be confusing for people.

I don't see my old friends at the moment - I actually cut a couple of them off years ago because I just found it too hard to deal with them and try to explain everything I'd been going through. (massive manic attacks due to bipolar etc) I have one good friend at the moment who also has some mental health issues of her own and I can tell her basically anything as she is very open and understanding. I do find it harder to talk about anxiety in general though than being bipolar - I think it's hard for a man to admit he's anxious or scared.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

ManInAShed said:


> Is this the way to go, to just say screw it and* be honest? *I did this with a couple of friends on Saturday night, didn't really phase them as its so obvious and I don't know what the outcome will be but if I'm going to be judged by a person I don't want to be around them anyway so why not just be open about it?


So to get to the point ( in my case that can sometimes take a while ) - yes, be honest.

If you think a person is a friend and it's worth taking the chance on - be completely open and honest with them. You'll soon find out if it was worth it or not.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

I like to think I am pretty transparent with this, if you even spend like 5 minutes getting to know me you can probably suss it out. I make self deprecating jokes about my anxiety/awkwardness all the time. I also make jokes or mention about how I hate talking to people and just want people to leave me alone. I'm pretty sure most/all my coworkers know I have little to no social life and have anxiety problems. The one friend I do have knows I have it. I have a really hard time talking about it seriously or opening up about it though. It just kind of hangs up in the air like a balloon or something.


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## ManInAShed (Dec 19, 2016)

roxslide said:


> I like to think I am pretty transparent with this, if you even spend like 5 minutes getting to know me you can probably suss it out. I make self deprecating jokes about my anxiety/awkwardness all the time. I also make jokes or mention about how I hate talking to people and just want people to leave me alone. I'm pretty sure most/all my coworkers know I have little to no social life and have anxiety problems. The one friend I do have knows I have it. I have a really hard time talking about it seriously or opening up about it though. It just kind of hangs up in the air like a balloon or something.


I know right, even you're talking to me you can probably tell there's some anxiety problem with me considering the awkwardness. I should try making jokes though that would help lightening the mood at least.


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## ClintCooperJM (Mar 5, 2017)

I've told my close friends about it. And most people usually assume I have some sort of social problem whether it is social anxiety or not. Not because they are being mean but because it is sometimes very obvious.


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## Charlib05 (Sep 23, 2013)

I am too honest and cause unfortunately it's such a big part of my life, I used to talk about it too much where I'd take advantage of their caring nature and just vent or complain. So, haven't mentioned it in a while. However, with these "friends" at my new school, I didn't tell them about it. We don't talk anymore but they were so friendly. Although, I came off as so rude cause I would get anxious and avoid hanging with them or going to the com room. I feel as though it might've helped them to understand.


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## Ghossts (Mar 6, 2014)

Nah I don't tell them simply because I know they won't care. It's not like it's going to change the friendship either.
Come to think of it, I've never made a friend IRL who has SA. Hmm


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

I tried telling mine, and every single one of them came back and said they had it too. Like...what? :/
I guess that's what happens when you make friends on a SA website.


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## pocketbird (Jun 30, 2014)

Depends on the friend. If they are accepting and non-judgmental, I'll be open to them about it. But if they're someone who I don't feel a closeness too, I won't dare mention it.


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## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

I've told a very select few. Most of them hardly get it but offer their comfort, that they're there to talk to and stuff, so I suppose that's good. The only problem is that I never seem to be able to redeem that offer when the times come; I'm the one who drives myself away.


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## SorryForMyEnglish (Oct 9, 2014)

I have only one friend who is my childhood friend and who I rarely see. She's the diametrical opposite of me. But she knows a lot about me and spots social anxiety symptoms and SPD symptoms that are actually already visible because I just can't hide or mask those things. She didn't know it was SA and SPD and percieved it as something innate and essential about me. I tried to explain her things and to emphasize on how difficult it is for me to have this constant misunderstanding and how her comments hurt me sometimes. She seemed to accept those things and have more compassion and understanding towards me in general, but the other day she can just forget it and say something insensitive or treat me as I'm way too weird and she'd rather be somewhere else with more likeable people. Seems like people who don't experience it aren't capable of enough understanding, but it's also due to other personal things about her that I know...


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

realisticandhopeful said:


> I have, but they don't get it. Makes me feel a bit more isolated tbh.


I answered this before but my thoughs have changed a little since I've been forced to be very open and real about what's going on in my life. It's been very liberating. SA tends to make me feel ashamed and as though I have to hide it, but I think I'll be open and "out of the closet" as it were going forward. It's a large part of my life and I want to be known now, even the ugly parts. I won't ever feel close to others if I'm not open about what I'm going through. I've told more people in the last 2 weeks about my stuff than I have my entire life and that unplanned exposure really helped open me up and see that it's not that big of a deal.

I can see exposure will be very integral to my recovery moving ahead.


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

I actually would really rather not say anything about it, but it always seems to come out eventually. One way or another I find myself using it as an excuse for my awkward behavior which sucks because I'm trying to get over even having SA. I do fine until I start to feel pressure that I can't keep up the fake social "act" any longer. It's complicated for me because you might not necessarily guess that I have it anymore, so when I've admitted it, some people were surprised and then I wished I never said anything.

It did upset me greatly though when the best friend I ever had didn't take it seriously. I told her the first time I had been diagnosed with SAD at therapy, in high school, and she thought I was just trying to label myself with something and that I was over-exaggerating my problems. Wtf? Which is surprising she couldn't see from a mile away I had SAD, because in high school I couldn't ACT social if I wanted to. I couldn't even go into a store alone. I think she just assumed I hated people and was being over dramatic. 

I understand wanting to just be honest with your friends though. If it's a huge presence in your life then of course it's important for people to get it. You just brace yourself because a lot of people are very understanding but some not so much....


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I can't tell anyone. It sound made up.


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## Equine24 (Nov 13, 2016)

Uh, I don't have anyone to tell? It's too developed to even attract friends. Besides, I don't care about friendship anymore.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

I'd rather not bring it up tbh. It'd be much the same, to me, as telling your coworkers you had issues with anxiety and that would pretty much be career suicide I think. Making my anxiety disorders an issue among my acquaintances, friends would be like social suicide. I mean....my God, my social anxiety can be pretty bad at times and I'm sure it's noticeable at times, but I'm not gonna make an issue out of it and bring it up....I want to keep the few friends I have, ffs. People just do not understand it if they don't have it ime. A lot of people start judging, and, they fear what they don't understand.


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## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

My (used to be best) friend, I told them about it. They said they understood were understanding. I mostly told them because there were times when we were with others that I was very reserved and would tend to go off on my own so I explained why and that it wasn't against anyone in particular.

When I am with someone alone I will sometimes tell them. I never told most I know about it, but I figure they know something is up because I tend to avoid groups and don't speak much when I am with groups.

I don't have a best friend or any close friends so I don't talk about it anymore. It's not something I tell colleagues or acquaintances about


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm pretty open about it. I figure I'd rather they know what's actually going on with me than be left to guess whether I like or appreciate them. It is a pretty defining feature in my life right now; and, presumably, if they're my friend, they're also going to be featuring heavily in that life. So everyone might as well be on the same page.


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## DLone (Mar 30, 2017)

I've told a couple of my friends about it, but they didn't seem to listen except for one who actually related to what I was talking about.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

I used to tell everyone about my disorders but now I am more cautious that they'll use them against me to hurt me. So that means I can only tell real friends about my disorders, can't make everyone understand or accept me.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I don't have anyone worth telling.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I don't really have any close friends at the moment. I have a vouple of old friends who i message occasionally but when its like that it hardly seems worth telling them about my problems. My wife knows I'm going to a psychologist but she isn't a very good sympathiser so I'm not sure what I'd have to gain from telling her.


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