# Weird stuff we do because of SA



## bronco028

In 10th grade I was to scared to ask for a ride home or ride the bus so I walked 5 miles in 110 degree heat until someone I knew finally picked me up. 

In 11th grade I didn't want a ride home with a peer from a game (my mother didn't have time to pick me up and told me to get a ride) so I lied that a friend died so she would come get me. I even fake cried and the whole bit. (Yeah she knows the truth now).

I was dropped off by my parents to go to a football game but I was by myself (no friends) and hid behind the high school until the game was over and pretended I went to my "friends"...I made up a huge story about the people I sat with and the score and everything. (this happened a couple of times for different events)

I would lie that I went to lunch with a friend when I actually came home to eat and be by myself. With the lunch thing>>I also ate lunch in the bathroom in 9th grade (I risked the germs instead of sitting alone).

Yeah I know that is freaking strange. I don't lie or do stuff like that anymore luckily.

What is everyone else's stupid behaviors because of SA?


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## bronco028

Wow I have to say that really helped to get some of that off my chest, no one knows all these things except for me.


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## Restless Mind

Eat alone in the library instead of the cafeteria. Then I got caught and just fasted the entire day at school from then on.

I would take the long way back to my locker to avoid the main hallway.

Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.

My best friend used to park his car in my driveway because I lived close to school. As soon as school let out, I'd rush home to get there before him so I could hide and avoid being asked to go out. Sometimes he'd come into the house calling my name, looking to find me, but he never did. (Didn't check behind the couch).

My first year in college, my roommate used to go home on the weekends (thank god, he was so social), so I used to lock the door not leave my dorm until Sunday night. On Sunday, I would get on my bike and ride to the student center where I could do homework and avoid running into him when he came back. 

I used to always go to bed early in the dorms, too. Everyone on my floor thought I was weird for that.


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## oversad

In my senior year of high school, I hid outside the emergency exit of the school library during pep rallies. I would wait until I didn't hear anyone walking down the stairs on the lower level and then slip out the backdoor and walk home.

I got dropped off at school and alot of days simply went in the entrance door, walked all the way down the hall, and straight out the back door and then slowly walked home lol. I missed alot of school especially my junior and senior years.

I would avoid eating lunch during my senior year in school so that I wouldn't have to find someone to sit with or have to talk to anyone in the cafeteria. I sat in the library during lunch and tried to read boring philosophy books to pass the time.

Once I drove 3 friends of mine to the mall and we were walking around in the mall. I was having a misable time while my 3 friends were having a blast chatting away. It got to the point I felt so uncomfortable because of my silence that I couldn't take being there any longer and ran off while they weren't looking. I felt like they wouldn't care if I was gone anyway because it was like I wasn't there. I ended up walking 10 miles at night to get home. I was freaking out the whole way thinking I was crazy for leaving. I left my car there in the mall parking lot but I had let my friend drive and he had my keys. So he called the next day and said I could pick my car up at his house.

I worked at a data entry job for 2 months and one morning as soon as I got dropped off there I simply could not go in the elevator to work. I had a mild anxiety attack and just took off. I had my wife pick me up and said I couldn't take it anymore. 

Yeah I definately avoid situations when I have anxiety. It's been a defining feature of my life...even now. :hide :sigh


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## Restless Mind

oversad said:


> I got dropped off at school and alot of days simply went in the entrance door, walked all the way down the hall, and straight out the back door and then slowly walked home lol. I missed alot of school especially my junior and senior years.


Haha, I did that a lot too.


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## ColdFury

When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


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## TheContrary

i'd leave early form school a lot too - esspecaily to avoid physical education, as its called here.
i did a lot of avoiding..camps,school formals etc..i didn't bother making up excuses for my avoidance like the original poster though - id just point blank refuse!


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## korey

I did the whole cafeteria disappearing act, too. Only in my junior and senior year, though. I would go to the library and sit in a chair until it was time for the next class. During my senior year, I would skip days where I had to give reports or presentations (or merely read orally). Can't stand any of it at all.


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## silentbutdeadly

Pinion said:


> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.


that what i did to


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## Null

> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.


We weren't allowed to do that in my school. We had to sit in the cafeteria during our lunch period, even if we didn't eat anything.


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## oversad

Now rather than going to the library during lunch as in high school, I sit at my desk at work during lunch and do things on my computer. I avoid the cantina area like the plague and never go out to lunch with other employees.

Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


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## Bon

Null said:


> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.
> 
> 
> 
> We weren't allowed to do that in my school. We had to sit in the cafeteria during our lunch period, even if we didn't eat anything.
Click to expand...

I went to the library as well.

Null, it wasn't popular at my school, they were just so happy that I actually made it to school (I skipped a lot) they let me go to the library;-)


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## Roberto

I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


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## bronco028

There was a panoramic picture day for my senior year in school (a tradition) and I checked out, I went home and acted like school was out early that day.

Also, one time a friend invited me to a farewell meeting for some foreign exchange students that were staying at her house. When my mom dropped me off I felt completely fine until I walked in the door I realized how my being there was so stupid and pointless so I immediately whipped right around and called my brother to come pick me up. I actually hid behind a grassy hill so my friend wouldn't see me. 

Man, it feels good to let all of these lies and crap go. But at the same time I realize how much I really do have a problem; I will never deny the fact I have SA again!


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## TheDra

I always went to the library during lunch too.


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## notsosocialsara

I won a writing award in 10th grade. Nothing super special, just a school contest. There was supposed to be an awards ceremony in our school library. All the parents would also be there. I couldn't even step foot in the library because I didn't want to go in alone so I sat out front waiting for my parents. Over an hour went by, I knew my parents were probaby already inside but I was too scared to go in, so I hung out until I ran into someone else who had been at the ceremony. My parents were livid with me. They didn't understand why I wasn't there. The next day in my English class, my teacher even yelled at me and said it was a big deal that I wasn't there and that my poor parents had to stand up and accept the award, but I just couldn't say anything to him.


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## sonya99

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd @#%$ in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


I would have been tempted to do that...if i didn't have a roomate hehe. Well, I've never gone that far, but i have peed in containers in my room because I didn't want to talk to my brother in the hall.


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## sslhea

I feel tearful reading this thread because it triggered memories. ( but I'm glad that it is cathartic for you bronco)
I have been through the same experiences of avoidance where I felt horribly alone and bewildered by unexplainable fear. 
I took drastic actions to avoid social situations.
I can take comfort now that my SA experiences are not that strange because you guys went through them too. You guys are my kindred friends.

I skipped lunch and hid out in the library even though my stomach growled loudly in protest
I would sit in bathroom stalls until break was over.
I hid in the bathroom when trick or treaters knocked on the door.

Hugs to everyone! 
:group 
sorry for the maudlin post


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## sslhea

bronco028 said:


> In 10th grade I was to scared to ask for a ride home or ride the bus so I walked 5 miles in 110 degree heat until someone I knew finally picked me up.
> 
> I was dropped off by my parents to go to a football game but I was by myself (no friends) and hid behind the high school until the game was over and pretended I went to my family...I made up a huge story about the people I sat with and the score and everything. (this happened a couple of times for different events)
> [/quote:cry :cry :cry


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## sslhea

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd @#%$ in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


 :cry :cry :cry


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## Blue Bird

When I was in elementary school and my class had show and tell I would just stand there and look at the floor. The teacher would have to do most of the talking and whatever she ask about what I'd brought, I would just say yes or no. 
I think my parents encouraged my SA, my da would never let me go to football games and stuff like that. I never went to dances either. No one would want to go with me, I don't like dancing in front of other people, and my parents couldn't afford the pretty dresses.
When I'm in school I stay in dorms and I always look out the peep hole to see if they are people in the hall before I go out.


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## TheWeirdMysterious

Some weird behavior that I have done would have to be a few weeks ago when I was working in a customs broker company...well at lunch time I would go to my truck and eat there alone in 105degree weather and sometimes more since the truck was in the sun all day.


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## unnamed

eh can't remember much from high school, just that I never took my PE uniform because I was incredibly self conscious about changing infront of everyone but I let everyone believe I was just lazy. Oh and I avoided all school social activities.

Failed a uni subject because I refused to do a speech. That cost me around $500 I think.


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## Zephyr

> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.


Ditto.


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## Argo

Zephyr said:


> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.
> 
> 
> 
> Ditto.
Click to expand...

Me too. For a while I'd buy a coke and sit on a bench and drink it before heading into the library, but I stopped that after somebody started ridiculing me for having no friends.


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## jca

I always hid in the library for lunches too and skipped school often, especially if we had a rally or some other assembly.


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## friendlychick26

Wow! I thought I was the only one who did wierd things.When I started reading these responses i realised i'm just like everyone who suffers with social anxiety.I'm going to share what i've done over the years.In grade ten after arriving at school i went to the Arts and Culture center which was next to the school, and waited in the bathroom until it was time to go to class.I did that so i wouldn't have to talk to anybody untill the door opened.Then there was a time dinnertime when i had to stay in for dinner that i walked in a blizzard from school to a macdonald's restaurant to call my grandfather to come pick me up because school was out for the day and That was a huge lie.I lied so many times because of SA and i'm not proud of it.I kept on walking around the same streets outside of school during dinnertime until it was time to go back to the classroom.I'm sure i looked like a stalker or someone to be very suspicious about.When i had free periods at school I spent them in the bathroom.One time i stayed on my back bridge untill the school bus drove by and then i told my mom that i missed the bus.


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## My_Shrink

Never ate in the cafeteria.

Never spoke to anyone.

(There was this party at the end of the last year, one of
the few parties i have been to, and this girl came up to me
and told me i had to be insane.
"You never speak, you must be insane".)

Well of course, if i'm not like you i just have to be _insane_
don't i.

During lunch breaks i always used to take long walks, or drive
when i got a car.


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## winduptoy

Let's see. . .

high school:

I didn't eat lunch, because there was this awful girl who would make fun of me no matter where I sat (she'd find me sitting alone because I had no friends, move to my table along with her friends, and then torture me). One day I decided that was enough and went to the library. Most days I went to the library during lunch.

Some days (this is weird) I just walked around the campus very slowly for the whole lunch period. I did this on breaks too. I pretended like I really had somewhere to go. I must have looked like an idiot to the people I passed over and over again.

college:

All of last year I avoided using the dorm/suite bathroom because I hate going when other people are there (and there are _always_ people in there!). So I became really good at holding it :hide and used the bathrooms in the library or the building I had class.

I also always went to eat meals way early so it wasn't crowded and I didn't have to share a table with anyone/interact with too many people.

Before class I always took out a book and read so I didn't have to talk to anyone.

It seems like I have gotten worse :lol


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## lost in a box

Funny how a lot of us did the same things! :sas 

i too hid in bathrooms until classes started so i didn't have to speak to anybody until my class started.
i still do the walk thing down hallways. 
also, now i teach and i don't leave my office until two minutes before my class is supposed to start. i wouldn't know what to do in my classroom with all my students in front of me and having to wait...

i too missed my school's award ceremony because i couldn't face being on the stage. i was good at school and always won school awards. and i never once showed up to the award ceremony.

once, there was a spelling contest, and i was good at it and i kept winning and winning until there were only me and another student left. i lost on purpose: i couldn't face the attention i would get if i won. And then i found out that i still had to have my photograph taken and was still winning a silver medal. my strategy hadn't even worked. it was awful.


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## orpheus

I had a few alkies to tag along with, though it didn't matter because I was drunk 80% of the time. I remember one time during lunch they weren't around, and I owed a 'detention' lunch hour to the asst. principal so I conveniently served it that day.


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## coyasso

Umm... I pretty much stay home on Friday and Saturday nights and play computer games while my friends are out having a good time


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## Softy785

In junior high, I walked home over 2 miles everyday from school because I was afraid to take the bus with all those people.
In high school, I ate lunch in the bathroom walked around aimlessly during breaks, pretending I had somewhere to go. I was on the cross country and track teams and avoided going to all-day Saturday competitions because of all the time when there would be nothing to do and everybody else would just chat with each other.
College- I avoid my roommates as much as possible, avoid going into my room as much as possible and come home really late at night after they have already gone to bed. I don't go out into the kitchen if they're out there, and so I just sit in my room and starve. I get to classes right when they're about to start so I don't feel left out when everyone else is chatting before class. At my college, we have to attend chapel every week, and I always arrive late and ask to sit next to some random person so I don't look like i'm sitting all by myself.


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## ate16am

sonya99 said:


> ColdFury said:
> 
> 
> 
> When I was in dorms, I'd @#%$ in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh
> 
> 
> 
> I would have been tempted to do that...if i didn't have a roomate hehe. Well, I've never gone that far, but i have peed in containers in my room because I didn't want to talk to my brother in the hall.
Click to expand...

I peed in a plastic cup once, but not by choice. My suitemate's and my rooms were separated by our bathroom, and one night she forgot to unlock my door when she left. I tried going out into the hall and knocking on her door, but she had gone out for the night. I later found out that all I had to do was push something into the lock (it was one of those push-button locks) and it would have popped open. 

But yeah, I did a lot of the things that most of you guys did in middle and high school :lol . If any of my few friends were absent from school, I would avoid break and lunch times by walking around intently or hiding in the bathroom. I actually don't even remember _using_ the bathroom in high school at all.


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## brokenlight

I'm surprised how many people were able to spend lunch in the library. I was stuck in the cafeteria. Everyone would be talking and laughing and I would be having an anxiety attack because I didn't know where to sit or what to say to anyone. 


I used to go to the school nurse a lot saying my stomach was hurting and I needed to go home. It worked but just reinforced my avoidance.

One time I went to this employment seminar, and when I arrived I saw this group of people standing outside waiting for it to start. I didn't want to have to walk past them, so I drove around the town again to try to pass some time. When I got back to the building, I walked in only to find that they started a couple of minutes early. The door just happened to be in the front of the room too, so when I opened it everyone was staring at me. 


If I want to use the mirror in a public restroom, and someone else comes in, I hide in a stall and wait for them to leave. I will then try to use the mirror again. If somebody else comes in, I sometimes will go back in a stall until they leave. 


When I am at a stoplight and a car pulls up next to me I will mess with the radio, so I don't have to figure out what to do with myself. 


At my one job, I would eat lunch in my car and pretend I was reading. I was really trying to read, but was too nervous to actually comprehend anything. People would walk by the car and wave, while going out to eat together.


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## Sinya

When I was 6, I was too afraid to ask permission to go to the bathroom at school, so I just started to cry.

I also remember when I was in high school, I went to school by bus one time. I couldn't find the stop button, so I just waited till someone else pushed it so I could get out. That was two stops after mine. I had to walk really fast to be on time for my first class.

In high school, I sometimes went to the bathroom during breaks, because I didn't know where else to go.

I skipped gym class several times during high school, because I was too afraid to go. They never missed me in there and I never got punished for it.


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## keem

I hated going to lunch. I usually ended up sitting with a group of girls I knew from middle school. We weren't really friends, but I think they felt sorry for me because they knew I didn't have many friends. I ate my food really slowly so I would have a reason not to talk to anyone.

And while everyone else was hanging out with their friends in the hall during breaks between classes, I just went to my locker and then straight to class. I was always the first one there and I brought a book with me to read so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone before class started.

I lived in a dorm for about a week when I first started college, and I would take showers in the middle of the night because during the day there were always people in the bathroom. I would tell my roommate I had a lot of homework and I was just going to stay in the room and work on it so I wouldn't have to go eat dinner with her. And I would wake up really early on certain days so that we weren't getting ready at the same time in the morning.


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## FearNoMore

Lunch in high school was tough for everyone I see. I dreaded lunch more than anything else. I did just about anything to avoid people, it's not easy in school though.

In college, I went to school just before class started and left immediately afterwards. If there was extra time between classes, then I went to the library to kill time.

What painful memories!


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## richie

Schedule my yardwork around my neighbors plans. As nice as they are, I just dread going outside at the same time as them because then I have to be able to make conversation....I'll peek out the window until they go in the house or leave in their car, then I'll go out and water the lawn or whatever. Pretty stupid, but thats what I do.


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## Fighter86

Oh yep, I did the hide in the library during break time thing too. When my friends are not around or if I have no one to eat with, I'll just go to the library and sit in a corner to do some reading. I used to walk 10-15min under the hot afternnon sun to a much further away bus stop then use the one right infront my school because lots of my schoolmates/classmates use it :afr The times I dreaded most are when there are special occasaions celebrations where its chaotic and everyone sits with their friends and make a whole lot of noise. Obviously, I hated it because I had no friends to sit with. I disliked group work immesely too because the teachers usually let you choose your own partners and I don't really have anyone that I can work with in school.


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## kristina7

I've always dreaded situations where a class will, for whatever reason, be moved to another location. When I was 7 or 8, my P.E. class had decited to have a class outside... which would've been fine with me if I would've gotten to class early and gone outside with them. But I didn't. I went to try to find the class,...peered out a window...and when I saw the class outside, I turned and walked in the opposite direction... hid in the restroom for awhile...and then when I saw one of my teachers walking by, I ran out to say "hi" to her... and...she ended up finding out that I skipped class. So I got after school detention as a result.


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## SpeakUp

I would avoid any situation that would have me interact with people I know, I get really nervous around walking around in the day so I go out at night were people focus on the bright lights rather than me, I always seem to need to have something in my hand because I get tense and cant keep my hands relaxed so I need something to fidle with so people wont see my anxiety. 

In school I would just go home for lunch, I never used the school bathrooms even if I really needed to go, I would avoid walking through the crouded hallways and insted I would walk through the less crouded floors even if my class is not on the same level. 

I probably the wierdest thing is me still having my winter jacket on when the spring came because I couldn't get used to being without it ( i felt exposed I guess). 

I'm striang


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## bronco028

No...you aren't strange. I know how you feel and why you act the way you do. That is what I am realizing by this forum: that there are so many people like me all over the place even when I have never met anyone with social anxiety. I know this stirs up alot of awful feelings for people but for some reason I feel like this has all been very realistic to me and I have gotten a few things off my chest that I buried away for a long time. 

I too will wear sweaters/jackets when it is hot just to avoid the "exposure" and I too have to keep my hands busy or I am afraid people will think something is wrong with the way I hold my hands. I also turn the radio down in my car at a stop light so no one will hear my music and think I am weird. Also, I minimize my window on the computer all the time so people don't know what I am doing. Man all this reiterates that I do have a problem!


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## winduptoy

I wore my jacket all the time too. My teachers thought my parents were beating me and I was wearing it to cover up the bruises or something. :hide


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## starblob

I never ate anything at school, i wasn't comfortable with having people see me eat. I also spent a lot of time in the library. I would forge notes to allow me out of P.E when i had it as a class. One day when i couldn't stand the thought of going to school i hid in an old unused car that we had at the house - i layed sweating in that thing for 6 and a half hours. When 3:30 came i got out, walked in the door like i had just got home from school and noone was any the wiser. Goodness that was such a desperate thing to do. Not that i could have recognised it back then.


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## tuna

I ate in the bathroom during lunch in high school. Whenever someone would come in I would stop chewing and stay silent so they wouldn't know someone was eating in the bathroom. Just in case someone became suspicious of me being in the bathroom for so long I would switch to other bathrooms on different floors.

I remember I had an afterschool group thing with four other students. I knew what cars the others drove so I would always check to make sure that at least one other student was there with me so I wouldn't have to be with the teacher by myself. One time I didn't see any other cars so I just went back home.

In elementary school one day my teacher asked me a question and because I was so nervous my voice would not come out and I ended up mouthing what I wanted to say. She thought I was sick and had lost my voice and I was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise so I had her and the class believing I had lost my voice for that day.

After writing this it makes me realize even more that I am pretty foiked up!


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## LastChild

I pretend to be really spaced out so that people will understand if I don't acknowledge them.


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## tuna

It's wonderful! :lol


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## anonymid

When I was living on my own for the first time, in graduate school, I often went long stretches without eating (sometimes over 24 hours) because I was terrified to leave my room. And that was in a mostly quiet, sparsely populated off-campus dorm. I never had that problem when I was an undergrad and lived in a loud, raucus, very densely populated building on a loud, raucus, very densely populated campus. Having a roommate and some friends/acquaintances was the difference. No longer having any kind of social group, I was a scared, nervous wreck, and all my worst anxious and agoraphobic tendencies came out.


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## ColdFury

anonymid said:


> When I was living on my own for the first time, in graduate school, I often went long stretches without eating (sometimes over 24 hours) because I was terrified to leave my room. And that was in a mostly quiet, sparsely populated off-campus dorm. I never had that problem when I was an undergrad and lived in a loud, raucus, very densely populated building on a loud, raucus, very densely populated campus. Having a roommate and some friends/acquaintances was the difference. No longer having any kind of social group, I was a scared, nervous wreck, and all my worst anxious and agoraphobic tendencies came out.


I've done the "not eat for a few day things" as well.


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## RATED_PG

1. In my apartment at school...my roommate would come to knock on my door and i wouldnt answer and stay real quiet...usually the excuses were i was sleep and didnt hear him or i wasnt in the apartment.

2. eat anyplace other than crowded areas

3. a lotta walking to random places, acting as if i was too busy to stop to socialize ("yea well im bout to go to____I'll talk to u later").

4. did work outside of my room just to make it seem like i wasnt a no life who stayed cooped up in my room all day

5. spend countless amounts of money on clothes cuz i want my "cool" appearance to make up for my lack of social skills, which was pointless cuz im never satisfied with what i buy. seems as though clothes just dont fit me like they fit other ppl or my outfit just doesnt make me look comfotable.

6. got called "smiley" by a TEACHER cuz whenever she said somethin to me i wouldnt know what to say so i just smiled and nodded...but she was kinda cool...but when im at a lost for words i just smile and nod.

7. wont have fun at a party or wouldnt wanna go unless there was alcohol there to loosen me up...which i've been told makes me a fun person and more lively...contemplated being buzzed 24/7 just to take the edge off but never done it...would get expensive to be tipsy everyday and prolly noticable on my campus lol

8. sleep all day and wake up late at night while my roommates weren't in the living room so i could raid the fridge

so many more i could prolly name lol


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## sslhea

:cry :cry :cry :cry :cry Life would've been easier with at least one SA friend. *sigh* It's easier to find a drinking buddy or smoking buddy, huh.


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## Prodigal Son

I skipped classes where I thought I had to give a presentation for during college all the time. I never did that in high school.  Though I wanted too. Also lab classes I would skip sometimes as well, okay a lot. How I passed I don't know.


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## sonya99

brokenlight said:


> If I want to use the mirror in a public restroom, and someone else comes in, I hide in a stall and wait for them to leave. I will then try to use the mirror again. If somebody else comes in, I sometimes will go back in a stall until they leave.


I'm out of luck if anyone's in the bathroom and I want to use the mirror. Sometimes I'll take extra time washing my hands, but most of the time I just leave. I just want some privacy. That and I think people will think i'm vain if I look in the mirror. I dont' even wear makeup, I just want to check to make sure everything's ok.

Also, lately I've been walking a roundabout way to certain stores and places so I don't have to walk by homeless people. I don't know if I should give them money, and sometimes when I have do change I'm too scared to approach them. I'm afraid they'll insult me or something, or that they'll say something and I'll have to answer back. If they hate me, there's not much I can do about it, but I figure me just walking by ignoring them would make any of them hate me.

Also, I did have a roomate last year in college, but by the second semester, I wasn't talking to her except for a couple of "hi's" during the day and then "goodnight" when one of us turned off the lights.


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## korey

korey said:


> I did the whole cafeteria disappearing act, too. Only in my junior and senior year, though. I would go to the library and sit in a chair until it was time for the next class. During my senior year, I would skip days where I had to give reports or presentations (or merely read orally). Can't stand any of it at all.


In addition to that, I've done some other things that apparently other people on this board have done because of SA, too:

I wear a jacket of some sort 24/7 (even in the 100+ degree weather here in Mississippi). It really is a comfort thing for me. It's also because I have body image issues, so if I don't wear a jacket while around other people, I become extremely paranoid and think everyone is talking about how fat I am :hide. I hate it when people ask me why I wear a jacket all the time because I never seem to have an answer. Hopefully, people in college won't care enough to ask.

I also skip eating sometimes just so I don't have to interact with others, even just my family. I've gone days without eating just because I'm too afraid to go into the kitchen to get anything. Hearing my family in the living room laughing and playing makes it worse, because I know if I enter, their enjoyment will be over because they'll be forced to acknowledge me and my drain on their happy-fun-time. 

I never use public restrooms, either. They're disgusting and are a pervert's fantasy (All a sicko would have to do is look over the stall and see ... _you_! or just a quick turn of the neck, if you're one of those brave people who use the urinals).

In class during high school, whenever the teacher would start calling on people to read aloud, I would immediately ask if I could go to the restroom, and I would hide there (never actually using it, of course) for like 20 minutes, hoping the reading session was over. Why do teachers love to call on people to read orally? I cannot stand it. It is the bane of my existance, pretty much. I have no problems with reading comprehension (I made a 30 on the reading part of the ACT! Isn't that sufficient enough?) If my college professors do the whole oral-readathon thing, then I'm going to send them all a letter asking them to never call on me to read aloud because I simply cannot. :afr

I also refuse to ever go out with any of my friends, which has inevitably led to my not having any friends at all. I can't handle social situations. I've explained to them that me being out around people is more of a hassle than a comfort. They all claim that I "just need to get out more." I wish I could curse people with SA for just a week to let them see how it is.


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## estrella

-I hate wearing short-sleeved or tight t-shrits, and will mostly resort to a jacet, even in the summer. 
-I wear boys running shorts because the girls ones are too short. 
-I never look in the mirror if someone else is in the bathroom- if I really want to look, I wait in the stall until everyone is gone, or wash my hands for a really long time until no one else is there. 
-In high school, I would read the news or a magazine or sit at the computer looking busy in the morning or after I ate lunch because I didn't know what to do with myself. If I came to school early, I would walk around the school building and waste time in all the bathrooms, exept if someone else was in there. 
-I don't roll the windows down in the car, ever...
-When shopping, I have to go to a checkout with an ugly or old person in it, otherwise I just get too nervous.
-I would always go to bed way early during family gatherings (Christmas, Thanksgiving, summer break, etc) because I didn't know how to socialize with relatives.
-I'm sure I do many, many "weird" things becase of social anxiety, but they've been habits for so long I can't recall any more. It took me while to realize that the above actions were strange to most...


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## Rawr

estrella said:


> -I never look in the mirror if someone else is in the bathroom- if I really want to look, I wait in the stall until everyone is gone, or wash my hands for a really long time until no one else is there.


I do that too  ... i thought i was the only one. And i always like hope i get an old woman, or just a woman at the cash register. Men make me more nervous.


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## seeking_bat

In middle-school, I ate outside, even in winter.

I say I'll go to a party, then not go.

When young, I wouldn't laugh in front of others, even when I wanted to.

I switch my status on messenger to "offline" to avoid talking to anyone while I wait for my closest friend to sign on.

I only go into busy stores so that the salespeople will be less likely to talk to me.

I never ask for help.

I always wear headphones when I go out so people won't talk to me and if they do, I can pretend I don't hear them.


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## jenkydora

I used to hide in a tree and wait for the boys to go past and go home. I got so sick of being up there I just wanted to go home. They would beat me up, and spit on me if they saw me and I'm a female.

jenky


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## Squizzy

I hide in the back room whenever my co-workers friends or boyfriends come. Also I used to stare at the floor when I walked to avoid having to look at people. :hide


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## Redox

estrella said:


> -I wear boys running shorts because the girls ones are too short....


I agree. Girls' shorts are becoming like thicker underwear.

I talk to myself quite often, when I'm alone and/or have no one to talk to.


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## tewstroke

Redox said:


> estrella said:
> 
> 
> 
> -I wear boys running shorts because the girls ones are too short....
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. Girls' shorts are becoming like thicker underwear.
> 
> I talk to myself quite often, when I'm alone and/or have no one to talk to.
Click to expand...

I talk to myself a lot too, I'm quite the entertainer.

And I agree with the whole shorts thing, I've stopped wearing them completely and that's mainly because I hate my legs. I don't see how these girls I go to school with wear them like it's nothing.


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## UnseenShadow

~I use the roundabout way to get into my apartment building to avoid acknowledging the guard

~Whenever there's a break in one of my longer classes, I'll just put my head down and pretend I'm sleeping so nobody will talk to me 

~I use my Ipod to pretend I can't hear anyone to avoid confrontations with homeless people

~Whenever I order pizza it's always with a friend so that I won't have to answer the door


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## se7

About 2 years after I left school I arranged to meet my mates in a pub one night after work. I got a call in the afternoon saying there was a slight change of plan, it was some kids birthday and loads of people from school would be there, but I said I'd still go.

I went, walked in, right up to the table they were sitting round, then turned round and calmly walked out. I walked 2 miles to the station, got on a train to where I worked and went to a quiet pub I used to go to during my lunchbreak. I sat in there all night so when I got in everyone just thought I'd been to the pub with mates. I txt my mate saying I'd been called into work, havn't heard from any of them since, that was last february.


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## Dove

I like this thread.

-I stopped eating lunch starting my junior or senior year because I didn't like standing in line and that's where it was all crowded with people. Plus, the line moved extremely slowly, so it was just torture to just stand there everyday among everyone else who had someone to socialize with. I also had to go through walking back to the spot I ate which was also torture since I would have to walk this long way past groups of people sitting at their tables.

-In my senior year, I was a service worker for a counselor, and there was this one time when I had to go to all these different classrooms to deliver something. Luckily, I found a friend and asked her to deliver some. For a while, after that, I just walked around panicking inside until that period was almost over. This other counselor thought I just had too many when she saw that some weren't delivered. :X

-I once cried because I didn't want to do a presentation. It was just in front of the people near my seat. They were asking me why I wasn't doing my presentation, and I told them I didn't want to and they were constantly saying that I should just do it and I just REALLY didn't want to.

-There have been a few times when I could've avoided A LOT of unnecessary walking if I had asked the bus driver questions to make sure. Instead, I stayed quiet and panicked inside, got off a bus stop I didn't recognize and walked a long way home.

I'll probably come back to this thread another time to add more.


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## mademoiselle T

When I was in kindergarten, day after day I would stand up straight (like a statue or one of those Buckingham Palace guards) and stare out into space the entire class time, while the kids were all playing with toys. 

When I was in elementary school and I was just starting to become severely nearsighted, I got glasses; but, I was deathly afraid to wear them. I had a class where the assignment was written on the blackboard. Since I couldn't see, I couldn't write down the assignment. I actually had my Dad call my classmate to get the assignment. Eventually, the teacher took notice of my declining grades; realizing it was due to the vision problem, she made me wear glasses. Ironically, in high school, I was deathly afraid to wear contacts to school, because I felt accustomed to wearing glasses and that was part of my identity. 

Nowadays, I'm not as bad, but I still have some quirks. When I'm in the stall of the ladies room, and I hear someone coming into the ladies room, I will stay in my little stall and wait for the other person to do her business and leave the ladies room, before I come out. 

Also, when I'm washing my hands in front of the mirror and someone walks in and uses the mirror / the sink, I will not make eye contact with that person, nor will I look at myself in the mirror. Only when the person leaves, will I scrutinize my face in the mirror.


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## Andrea

*I used to go to the library during lunch too.
* In highschool I would pretend to be asleep at my desk to avoid talking to others. I would say I spent 90% of my highschool education "asleep"
*I would ask to use the restroom when we were suposed to do group work or read aloud. One time I was hiding in the bathroom stall and a group of the popular girls came in and started talking. I didn't want to stay in there so I flushed the toliet so it would seem like I was in their for a reason, then I walked past them to the door and one of them said 'ewe, arn't you going to wash your hands' I was so embarressed, I ran out as quick as I could to another restroom.
*I also turn my car radio down when I stop at a light, and I never ever roll my windows down, because I fear people will judge me or make fun of the music I listen too. Plus I like to sing, but I would be completely mortified if some one heard me.
I do feel a little comfort knowing that so many people do or have done the same things I have done. 

Andrea


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## oversad

Andrea said:


> In highschool I would pretend to be asleep at my desk to avoid talking to others. I would say I spent 90% of my highschool education "asleep"


I did this too. I would put my head down and act like I was sleeping at my desk in several of my high school classes. The kids in the class would ask me why I slept so often and never talked and I would never know what to say.



mademoiselle T said:


> When I'm in the stall of the ladies room, and I hear someone coming into the ladies room, I will stay in my little stall and wait for the other person to do her business and leave the ladies room, before I come out.


I have a problem with public urinals. If someone else is in a stall I will usually walk back out of the restroom if I have to use a stall. If I'm in a stall I will wait until anyone else in the bathroom leaves before I exit the stall.

I also did the disappearing act at several parties I went to in high school and after. I went to a party with my brother once and it was the second time I got stoned. I didn't know anyone there besides maybe two of my brothers friends and I simply couldn't socialize with anyone so I just left the party and slept in his car.

I also went to a friend's party and after getting drunk and feeling awkward/left out of almost every group I panicked and went to the car. I stayed there and eventually my best friend came out and found me.


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## Strength

wow this thread was an eye opener. I thought I was the only person who did these things since I've never met anyone like me (atleast I don't think so). I thought I was just weird or something but so many of you guys went through the same things as me. It makes so much sense now.

Anyway...off the top of my head...

In high school, I would be embarassed to be seen by people since I would be by myself so I tried to walk as far away as I could on most days. Other days I'd go to the library or something.

There are times when I just want to avoid people if I know they are going to call. It's not like I want to do it to hurt them, I just don't want to.

And in a strange way, I get some kind of satisfaction knowing that I don't have to do some social thing. At work, I try to avoid get togethers by saying I'm "busy". When a coworker asked me to lunch, I told them I was "already meeting someone".


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## Deathfollower

Since the thrid grade (I'm in seventh grade now) I've worn jackets even if it's over 100 degrees outside I still wear jackets.


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## billybob00

So I'm not the only one... heh heh heh.

-I didn't quite do the high school library thing. I had too much pride. So I hung out with some "friends" who absolutely tortured me by picking apart everything I said, making a joke out of it, making fun of my religion, etc. My senior year, I couldn't put up with them anymore, so I spent my lunch periods doing homework in a classroom.

-When I was living at home with my younger brother, he would bring his friends over every now and then. I remember getting scared that they would see me all alone on the computer, so I would often hide until they were gone.

-I often leave the house to do pointless things so that my roommates don't "catch me" that I've been home alone for so long

-I hide my medicine so they don't see I'm taking Zoloft

-Anywhere I go that involves socializing, I make sure I arrive just on time, or a little late, so I don't have to talk to anyone, or choose who to sit by

-Sometimes when I don't feel like eating with my coworkers, I'll lie and say I had "errands" to run

Many other things...


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## lost in a box

It's really amazing. i do or did most of these things that you guys are mentionning. some of them (like the jacket thing) i never even thought of relating them to SA.
it's all starting to make sense.


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## brokenlight

Reading these I am reminded me of another shining moment in my life. I was at my parents and my uncle came over to help my dad with something. I didn't want to have to talk to him so I went up in my bedroom. He wasn't going to be there long. So I'm in there hiding and then a little bit later my cousin who lives a few states away shows up at the door. He decided to surprise everyone with a visit. I couldn't come out of my room now, because my uncle thought I wasn't there. So I stayed in the bedroom until both my uncle and cousin left. :rofl :|


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## bronco028

Last semester I had a few friends and we did stuff alot. Well there was this get together of people for my church with alot of socializing which I had done before and felt semi-comfortable doing with my friends, but for some reason my friend didn't call like she said she would to come pick me up. I sat in my apartment and had a freakin' panic attack and extreme anxiety and nervousness. It was like the world caved in because here I was all alone and another friend was leaving me. Well she finally called and instead of asking her what happened and why she didn't call, I acted like I was sick and couldn't go. I didn't want her to think I was a psycho. Plus, like I am going to go with my makeup all smeared from tears and my eyes all swollen!!


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## dognutz843

l


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## bronco028

Man, now I look back at me in high school and think...there had to be people who knew I was hiding and lying and doing strange things. Or maybe that is the social anxiety again...don't know just a thought.


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## lizstar

I skipped school a lot in high school. When I did go, I ate lunch in the bathroom or just went to the library.

I never went to college or learned to drive. (I'm only 22 though, there's still time).

Probably the worst thing I can think of off the top of my head happened when I was eight years old. My parents made me go to sleep-away camp for a week. I was terrified. One night, I drank a soda late in the evening and by bedtime, I really had to pee. Badly. There were no bathrooms in the cabins, they were all in a separate building. If you had to go during the night, you had to ask a counselor to go with you. I think you can see where this story is going. I was too afraid to ask the counselor to take me to the bathrooms, so I wet the bed. I had never had problems with wetting the bed before, but I just had to go so bad, I couldn't hold it.

I tried to cover it and hope it would just dry out, but no, a counselor found my wet mattress. They were fairly discreet about it, none of the other girls in my cabin found out. However, they did tell my parents and my sister (who was at the camp at the same time.) I was so humiliated. I still don't understand why they had to tell my family.


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## Rechmo

Wow, i didnt realize that there were people out there just like me. Reading all the posts got me thinking.

-in grade 8 i tried to make myself feel better by making fun of my best friend until the point where she broke down... still feel bad about doing it.
-i avoid phone calls because....well i really dont know... 
-hide when people come to the door, and pretend im not home
-run
-sit at the very back corner of a room in a group so no one would see me.
-make excuses in gym class so i didnt have to participate.
-get my mom to call in to my school and tell them i was sick

there are many more.... i will have to think, i didnt know that i had so many problems....

rechmo


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## anis

brokenlight said:


> Reading these I am reminded me of another shining moment in my life. I was at my parents and my uncle came over to help my dad with something. I didn't want to have to talk to him so I went up in my bedroom. He wasn't going to be there long. So I'm in there hiding and then a little bit later my cousin who lives a few states away shows up at the door. He decided to surprise everyone with a visit. I couldn't come out of my room now, because my uncle thought I wasn't there. So I stayed in the bedroom until both my uncle and cousin left. :rofl :|


 :lol


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## slurpazillia

---


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## tuna

> make excuses in gym class so i didnt have to participate.


I did that too. It's funny because I remember as a really young kid I loved having running races with my brother and my friends and loved gym class. But when my anxiety became worse I would act like I didn't like sports to cover up my fear. I became one of those girls in gym class that never participated and acted like what we were doing was the most boring thing in the world. That's the story of my life though. Acting like I don't like it when it's something I really want to do just so others don't see my fear.


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## anis

-During lunchtime I didn't eat lunch but sat with some friends. If my friends weren't there I'd hide in the bathroom and pretend to check my make-up or I'd walk the halls.

-Senior year I'd sometimes get passes to the library during lunch or I'd stay in the classroom and pretend to "catch up" on homework or assignments.

-After the bus dropped me off at school I'd have nothing to do until class started so I'd walk the hallways and pretend to be preoccupied with getting somewhere.

-After school let out every day I'd hide in the library for 15 minutes to avoid waiting outside until my bus came. I didn't want to wait outside for the bus because kids already on the bus would see me. 

-When I was little and people came to the house I'd run to my room and stay there until they left.

-In college I didn't want people to think I didn't have anyone to eat meals with so I skipped meals a lot rather than eat alone in the cafeteria, or I ate early in the day or very late when there weren't a lot of people in the cafeteria.

-When it was time to "pick partners" in school I'd about die and hope to God someone picked me. I hardly ever asked anyone.


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## bronco028

When there were assemblies for school I had no one to sit by and that was embarrassing so I would go out to my car and drive around town regularly driving past my school to see if the kids were done yet, and I would go back to school.

Several times I would eat lunch in my car parked in a deserted parking lot or I would sit in my car in the parking lot at school when I was ditching class so no one saw me. I also never used my locker because that was like walking into social-city, I would carry my books in the trunk of my car and walk all the way out to it to get my books for every single class...and no, I didn't have a backpack so you can imagine how strong my arms got! 

When my mom asked who I sat with in lunch I would lie that I sat with someone when I actually did the above. I feel some guilt still for that....


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## sonya99

lizstar said:


> Probably the worst thing I can think of off the top of my head happened when I was eight years old. My parents made me go to sleep-away camp for a week. I was terrified. One night, I drank a soda late in the evening and by bedtime, I really had to pee. Badly. There were no bathrooms in the cabins, they were all in a separate building. If you had to go during the night, you had to ask a counselor to go with you. I think you can see where this story is going. I was too afraid to ask the counselor to take me to the bathrooms, so I wet the bed. I had never had problems with wetting the bed before, but I just had to go so bad, I couldn't hold it.
> 
> I tried to cover it and hope it would just dry out, but no, a counselor found my wet mattress. They were fairly discreet about it, none of the other girls in my cabin found out. However, they did tell my parents and my sister (who was at the camp at the same time.) I was so humiliated. I still don't understand why they had to tell my family.


 :hug That one hit home for me. Through most of preschool I wet my pants every single day. I could never get the courage to ask. I only stopped when I attained superhuman bladder control. Still, I had a couple of accidents later on, though not in school. Also, I had a bad experience at a camp. It was in sixth grade, and though I went for it in spring, I was dreading it since 4th grade when I first heard of it. It made me feel awful becaue the counselors were too extroverted, and they were very harsh. The first night , I started crying at the prospect of spending a night there. The high school student watching my group told the counselor and he sent my most loathsome teacher to try to comfort me. No one would let me leave for two more days til I finally pestered them enough I guess. My had a terrible stomach ache by that time because I was so literally anal retentive because of the public bathrooms. I was too scared to shower too. The worst part was that before I left, I had to be analysed by a quasi counselor that told me I had an "unnatural" attatchment to my mother. What kind of ****-up can't give a kid a break? Why did he have to tell me, essentially, that the ony reason I could leave was because I was crazy? sorry i rambled a lil bit hehe


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## Tania

Ahh, high school. Although I've been shy all my life, the real anxiety didn't start until I was about 14/15 years old.

I would skip certain classes all throughout high school. Its funny, how in some classes I was totally fine and had no problems, but in others my anxiety was so high. It depended on who was in the class.

I ended up dropping two 'high anxiety' grade 12 elective courses, which I later found out would prevent me from graduating, as you need a certain amount of grade 12 elective credits to graduate. 

I remember when I first started high school, maybe grade 8 or 9, there were two buses you could take, the regular school special which everyone took and that went by my house or the yellow 'loser cruiser' bus which goes in an opposite direction.. I remember when I was having a bad anxiety day I would take the yellow bus just to avoid people even though it meant I had to walk 4 blocks home!

What else?

Lunch and recess times sucked all throughout high school... I spent the whole time in an anxious state as I hung out with people. Luckily the people I knew were all popular extroverts so I just kinda was 'there' without having any attention on me.

LOL another thing I just remembered in grade 8 I once stole a carton of my parent's cigarettes and gave them out just so I could make friends with people! LOL. What a loser. But it worked!

Once I graduated high school I remember doing things like constantly avoiding parties and get-togethers. I would make up stupid excuses all the time, but then regret not going. 

I'm much much better now... of course I still want to avoid social events but I force myself to go now and I usually end up having a great time. Now I actually invite friends over and want to go out, but of course the anxiety is still there. Pretty much the only events I would avoid now are ones where I know there are small groups of people that just sit around and talk, at those I am more noticable because I'm being 'too quiet'.


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## mjp

I'm one of the unlucky ones who went to a school where you couldn't spend lunch in the library. I would usually spend most of the time hanging around the pop machines trying to hide from people. At sporting events I would usually spend the game wondering around the stadium. I never sat by my classmates. Usually if I sat down at all it would be by where the other school sat so no one would no who I was. 

I always felt uncomfortable walking by people so I would go out of my way to avoid them. I still do that and I'm in thirties. :afr


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## LastChild

> I never look in the mirror if someone else is in the bathroom- if I really want to look, I wait in the stall until everyone is gone, or wash my hands for a really long time until no one else is there.


Same :|


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## Rechmo

> That's the story of my life though. Acting like I don't like it when it's something I really want to do just so others don't see my fear.


This is totally me. Its almost like...you dont want to look stupid actually liking those things until other people are doing it... I dont know how else i couldl explain it.

Another wierd thing sometimes i feel this 'social anxiety' with my husband...its like, i dont want to look stupid around him. For instance, he wanted to know if i wanted to play ball, even though i really would have liked to, i made some excuse like, 'no honey i dont think i could ever play with you or against you' even though i really would like to get more active in a sport. I would also kind of feel threatened in a way cause its 'his' sport.... and if i ever missed a catch or struck out, god forbid the anxiety i would feel then.

I have come to the realization that SA is controling my life, its like an abusive husband... always trapping you, beating you up, never letting you be who you want to be.... and that hurts, that really hurts. To actually realize it now, what i am doing to myself. *sniff sniff* :afr

I hope to overcome this...it has gotten better



> of course I still want to avoid social events but I force myself to go now and I usually end up having a great time.


 :ditto

I also seem to have great difficulty with members of the same sex...and im getting better....i think that is mostly a self confidence thing but also has to do with SA.

Becky :hide


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## LionsDen

*wth*

wow, ive experienced all that you have. weird, sad and funny. gladim not the only weirdo on this :cig planet


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## IndigoGirl

I don't like to go over this stuff, I've done plenty of weird things due to SA and other related issues, like being in a nurse's office during class time and lunch time.


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## LionsDen

*sa*

bring a sandwhich to work everyday so i wouldnt have to go to the microwave where their was people ... for 2 years

wait in a bathroom stall until everyone was out so i could wash my hands, check my face


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## jasnorme666

- I become a school student librarian to avoid break time.

- I used to go home for lunch.

- I used to go home when I had to do drama, P.E or Gym and then come back afterwards.

- Piss in a bush, bottle or behind a wall instead of going to public toilets.

- Once wrote out an entire book, faking a week of work expeirince with fake events just to pretend I did it instead of going.

- when I run, I have to stop if somone see's me, and then run again when they are not looking


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## Chrysalii

wow...I have a bunch 

-If someone is blocking my way somewhere, I'd either find another way (pretending that was my intention) or find something to fake interest in. 

-Bathroom, if someone else is in a bathroom with a small amount of urinals, I act like I needed to wash my hands. Then leave. 

-Lunch, we couldn't go upstairs to the library without permission, but we could go outside and in the lobby, which had an area under the stairs. I hid under the stairs. Looked odd, but I never had to deal with the people in the cafeteria or outside, and it gets cold outside in the winter. 
Before high school, I just sat with a couple people I knew, found a way to skip it completely, or one time just walked around the cafeteria all period. 

-I do hide in the library during college now. Or go to the food area and read a newspaper. 

-Often times during partner activities I would end up partner less or groupless. So I'd wander around trying to keep out of the teachers sight (gym), or just work alone (other classes). No one really minded. 

-I had a very carefully crafted bathroom schedule. I knew which bathrooms were empty(usually) and at what times they were. I had 5 minutes between classes in high school. (one of the advantages of this is I have a really good grasp on what 5 minutes is) 

-I've walked home from school because I didn't want to call anyone 

-Speaking of phones, I always find ways of avoiding using them. I've gotten pretty creative in doing this. (I can not do phones at all. I don't recall the last time I've called anyone)

-School groups or being called on. If I was ever called on, I just froze, even though 99% of the time I knew the answer. So I found ways of not being called on. Wish I could remember some of those. 

I'm sure I'm missing some, and many of those mentioned do apply to me.


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## Tania

OOOOH I just remembered a couple more things!

One day in my career preparation class we were doing an in-class project and had to pick a buddy. - OMG just thinking about the teachers that said "okay, pick a buddy now" just sends shivers down my spine. They just have no clue what its like. Anyways, I remember after that class I went up to the teacher and made a comment to her that 'in the real world' (ie. workplace, etc.) we would not be able to just pick our favorite people to work with, and that if we were to do buddy-related projects in the future I suggested that we should draw from a hat or chose the partners randomly (that way there would be no pressure on me to ask someone, or what really happened was I just waited for someone to pick me, but I was so quiet usually in the classes that nobody really talked to me and already had their buddies lined up!) I mean, it was a good point, and she totally agreed, but it was more to the satisfaction of my SA than anything else!! :rofl 

Also, faking illness to be able to lie down in the nurse's office during 'high-anxiety classes' was another thing I did, but not too often.

Gym class was the worst ever... I mean, I love sports and wish I could have participated because I am actually decent at them... but my anxiety just sky-rockets when I play a team sport. I ended up just barely passing grade 8 gym, failing grade 9 gym, and then somehow I convinced my school councellor to allow me to skip grade 10 gym. 

Now that I think about it, I even avoided PE in elementary school too... I remember if you didn't participate you had to write lines... well, I preferred that anyday so I spent a lot of gym classes in the change room writing lines!!

Beginning of grade 6 was terrible for my shyness, I remember during some lunch hours I would sit alone in the classroom and draw or write, but I made very good friends with Jose the school janitor! Which is funny because at the end of grade 6 and the beginning of grade 7 my shyness subsided and I became super-popular and was one of the 'cool kids'. LOL. 
Then high school happened... LOL!!

Ahhh but those days are over and done with... :banana


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## kowabonga

I just did something weird - decided not to go school because I couldn't find any cloth to wear. Hm and don't even feel any relief about not going. Arh. I'm a quitter..


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## travo

I did a lot of these things in school. It's so strange. Zaps me into an awareness sort of how my life has been.

Some I didn't see mentioned:

If a teacher was passing out assignment papers, and somehow not enough went out where I didn't get one, I'd delay having to ask for one as long as possible and just sit there afraid. And somehow this seemed to happen to me a lot.

I faked a senior project of community service by just making something up, because I couldn't handle dealing with all the outside groups and making calls and all that.

If I lost my pen or pencil I was terrified to ask people nearby to borrow one usually. It got better over time but I remember it was really bad when I was younger.

I put most of the students around me on pedastals. Not that they were better, just that they were like celebrities because all I was doing was watching them. So it made me even more reluctant to ever talk to them, and freaked out if suddenly our worlds collided.

Gym terrified me so bad, internally I was about ready to die the hour before it. It's not that during was that bad, but week after week I had to put up with the same deep down insult to me as a human being... being picked last or nearly last for teams.

I once signed up for a college orientation field trip to an amusment park. I sat next to some kid on the bus. I knew I should strike up some talk because I needed some people to hang with. I was trying to say something, to start a conversation the whole time but I could never get the words out, I just sat there terrified. When I got to the park I walked around and rode rides myself the whole day. It still strikes me as an amazingly sad incident. I guess my plan was to try to make friends but I really wasn't thinking about how difficult that might be just getting on a bus.


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## xLonewolf

Last year...

-Every brunch I would walk aimlessly around the school, I would pretend to have to go to my locker, then I would go to the bathroom even though I didnt have to for like 2-3 times, sometimes I would wait near the parking lot pretending I was waiting for my parents to pick me up.

-At lunch I would walk off campus and eat my sandwich while walking alone. Or I would go to the library and search randomly on the internet.


-In class sometimes I would always fumble with my backpack pretending I was looking for something
-Days where I knew we were doing nothing (like have a party) I would ditch.


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## amyval81

*Wow!*

Wow, I can relate to most of these!

A couple of additional ones:

-In middle school I had various "illnesses" that I think were psychological and caused by my anxiety. I had a period of a couple of months where I got sick and threw up and had to go home once or twice a week. There wasn't anything medially wrong with me though. My ankle would also start hurting whenever it came time to run the mile. We had to do this twice a year and I was horribly out of shape and embarassed about my pathetic attempts at running. There were also a number of occasions that I remember faking ankle pain because I didn't want everyone to watch me run (actually mostly walk) and tease me about it.

-I frequently went out of my way to ridiculous lengths to avoid needing to ask someone for help or for a favor, because I thought it would be too much effort for them and they would think it was an enormous inconvenience to help someone that wasn't "worth" it. I can't think of any specific examples right now, but I know there are some crazy ones. I will still often spend hours researching something online when I know that I could probably get help in just a few minutes with a simple phone call.

-My husband and I went to visit some relatives in Arizona last Thanksgiving and I literally waited until a week before our trip before I finally forced myself to call them and let them know about our plans. I am lucky they weren't out of town that weekend.


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## amyval81

I just thought of another one...

During my sophomore year of college I had been living in a townhouse with two roommates, then I moved in with my boyfriend. The phone was in my name at the old place. I was so anxious about calling to have my name taken off of the phone that I just never did it an assumed my ex-roommates would do it. Well, they didn't, and several months later the phone company tracked me down and sent me a bill for over $200 dollars (that is how much the bill added up to before the phone was disconnected for non-payment). I quietly paid the bill because I did not want to confront my ex-roommates about it.


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## Buerhle

good thread. ya, def done some wierd


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## Buerhle

some more wierd stuff.


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## Buerhle

ya. lol.


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## J83

Well SA didint really start to develop for me until College.Of course thats done with,but I've done some weird things. In the begining I felt bad about not acknowledging people; but now SA has got such a grip on me I just flat out don't care and jet right passed mostly everyone unless I'm close friends with them. 

At my last job I would go eat in my car,at break time. 

Restrooms are the best hiding places unless I am able to jump in my car and drive away. 

Once I walked five hours worth (Don't remember how many miles exactly) in the hot sun because I didint want to call my ride since the phone was near alot of people I worked with.I didint want them to know that I have to call my ride several times before they show up. 

Imaginary illnesses,and fake stomach aches come in handy at work,sometimes. 

Last year I drove up to the hotel I worked at, then turned the car around,went home and called in sick. 

Sometimes turn down the mirrors in my car so I won't have to look at the people behind me.

Now,to read these other replies.They are so funny because I've done some variation of all of these things,myself at one time or another.


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## atomicx

After reading through this thread, it has made me realise that im not the only one that does those things (wearing a winter coat during summer, pretending im looking for stuff in my bag, going to the library or long walks during break). 

My SA didnt develop till I was in my mid teens. During college I had to retake Maths, it was the first time I had ever been in a class where I didnt know anyone. I managed to push my self to go to the first few classes but SA took over and I ended up skipping 6 weeks of math classes :afr . I got kicked out and ended up begging to my tutor to let me back in. After that incident I worked twice as hard and got the top grade possible.


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## Qolselanu

I spent a lot of lunches and breaks during high school freshman year in the library. I specifically remember one of the books I read was Black Hawk Down. Thankfully I found a group to hang out with, so late freshman year on, I had somewhere to go during break and lunch. 

I usually wore a jacket or something to cover myself up. Although, I think I was fine with having it off.

My school was doing West Side Story for their spring musical. I arrived late so I wouldn't have to loiter around looking for my one friend that I knew would be there. When I got there I was afraid to go in and yelled at my mom. who was driving me too keep driving cause I couldn't find my friend as we passed by the theatre. She drive past the theatre a couple times and I yelled at her more cause I was afraid of being recognized by someone. Ugh.It got nice after that though. Just outside the theatre doors I believe I heard "No. It's plain Anita now." That brought a smile to me. That was my high school crush acting as Anita. (She sang wonderfully that night) I came late and there were no seats left. That was ok though as I didn't have to pay to get in appearently, and I just stood at the back. During intermission I tried to hide and go away in a corner so I wouldn't be seen. I came back to the lobby, ugh so many people there and I was recognized by some people from school. I was all alone! Oops! That sucked. But the play was really good. I also remember that after the play I rushed out of there. I jumped a fence (guess I was wasting no time) with my cell phone in one hand as I was talking to my mom to pick me up. However I could not jump the fence properly with a cell phone in one hand, so I hit one of my elbows HARD against the fence. It felt numb, and then it hurt. I got back up and jumped the fence, found my mom and went home. I cried that night at home for some reason.

If it was the last few minutes of class and everyone was talking I would pretend I was tired and sleep a little so no one of wonder why I wasn't talking with anyone.

I didn't like group projects, especially if I didn't have any friends in that class. If I didn't then I hated it.

I didn't do a presentation in biology cause I really didn't know anyone in that class so I was just plain scared to do it. So then I had a F in that class. That was ok though. My parents never found out, and I easily got high marks on subsequent tests and also the final. I ended up with an A in the class.

When I was feeling REALLY sad, I would tell my mom I was sick and not go to school. I even told her that I couldn't go because of my shyness once. She spewed some crap about "everyone feeling shy at times" (thats true, but not as bad as me) and "get over it." and "face your fears." Gee, thanks for the help.

I walked home from school quite a bit cause I was scared to ask for a ride from someone.


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## bronco028

that reminds me of when I was about 13 and anytime I would drive places where there were kids my age with my mom I would have to sink down in my seat and hide so no one I knew would see me. 
In high school, I wanted to badly to watch a soccer game so I parked my car on the road outside of the stadium and watched. Then a girl I knew came and pulled up, I freaked out that she'd see me, so I sped up. The next day at school (she was one of those obnoxious types) came up and said,"I saw you yesterday watching the game." I pretended like I had no idea what she was talking about. She probably thought I was so weird. I just didn't want her to know that I was sitting there for so long because I didn't have anyone to sit by!


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## parker

im in my last year of high school right now, so i know where youre coming from with those weird habits. a lot of times ill ignore phone calls or txt messages from friends because i dont feel like being social. im quitting smoking pot for a while right now to see if it lessens my anxiety a little bit, and when i turn it down from my friends and they ask why, i just kinda shrug and blow their question off with some mumbling and stuff. 

i have lots of weird little habits that i try not to think about much because i know i look flat out stupid when i do it, but i just cant help it. like i clear my throat constantly. i yawn even when i dont need to. i pick at moles, pimples, things like that. my scalp always seems to itch, even though theres no reason for it(i dont have lice or dandruff thank god). i swallow a lot. hmm...man theres so many stupid little things. i crack my knuckles, thumbs, neck, all that stuff. its like i have millions of nervous habits, but i do it when im alone too. ive heard that mild terettes (sp?) is like that, but i doubt it. i think it has more to do with i need to feel like im occupied, otherwise i start to get anxious.


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## ctsa

It feels so good to be reading this.. Im not the only one!
I was really bad in high school, I spent every morning and lunch in the library. If I knew in advance that the library was gonna be closed for the day, I would try to miss school. Days that I was in school, and the library was closed were the worst. It was so painful to wander around the halls alone, visiting different bathrooms over and over. In grade 12 my worst nightmare came true... the library was gonna be closed, all day, for a whole week. I was sooo scared for a while, and it wasnt until then that it occurred to me that I could walk around outside, where there was hardly anyone.


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## kintrovert

Wow - this thread is good. I did a lot of very similar things - of course I did the "going to the library at lunchtime" thing in high school.  I actually ate lunch in the cafeteria on most days, though - somehow I "made do" during the dreaded lunchtime as best as I could (which isn't saying much).

Here are some "strange" things I've done:

~I remember being at some kind of Girl Scout party when I was 6 y/o. Somehow I became petrified of getting up and going to the bathroom when I had to go, and I eventually wet myself (I was sitting down on a carpeted floor). Of course I was mortified and too ashamed to tell anyone - and I was afraid that people will find out - so I sat in that one area for what seemed like hours - I didn't _move_. And in a big way, I wanted so bad to get up because all kinds of goodies were being served at the refreshment table (cakes, candy, cookies, etc.) - and I wanted to indulge myself! But I didn't move, and I didn't get to eat any of the nice goodies. I felt like I was missing out on everything - all the fun going on around me and I couldn't budge from my "wetspot". I forget exactly how this episode "resolved" - I believe I was eventually "found out" by my mother, at least. I never got to go "load up" at the refreshment table. :cry

~A couple of years later, I went on a weekend camping trip with my Girl Scouts troop. We were eating breakfast, and I chose cereal. Somehow, there was limited milk, but I believe there was still enough for me, if I had asked for it. But somehow I became too scared to speak up that I needed milk, so I just ate the cereal dry (even though I _really_ wanted milk!). A couple of older girls who were sitting nearby noticed - one said to the other, "Look - she's eating dry cereal!", like it was the strangest thing they had ever seen. I just kept eating and tried to pretend like I didn't hear them.

~At the "Last Day" dance/party at this summer program I attened - I frantically scrambled for ways to escape/occupy myself and avoid the dance. It wasn't easy - given the "layout" of the premisis. I spent much of the dance talking to my mother long-distance on a nearby payphone - luckily it was in the bathroom lounge area and not really in sight of the dance/party area. When I wasn't on the phone, I just walked back and forth to look like I was headed somewhere, and found little "hiding places".

~At another dance at this other summer program I attended, I pretty much did the same kind of thing. The dance was held in some kind of "student center"/office type of building on campus, and I "escaped" the dance and found some unlocked, empty office where I could "hide" and be by myself. I was all alone in that office and strangely enough - I spent much of the time dancing in front of a reflection of myself that I could see through the window! (I loved to dance at the time - just not at a party with other people, lol)

~When my high school graduation ceremony ended - all the graduates marched out of the auditorium and went into this large room where we could pick up our "real" diplomas (as opposed to the "dummies" they gave us onstage) and retrieve our belongings. Naturally, everyone was in this room crying, hugging, and saying their long goodbyes to each other. Well, I just went into the room, got my belongings and my diploma, and just walked out without saying anything to a soul. I found my parents and we all walked out and went home. (No doubt I was the very first graduate to leave the premisis.) I knew my early exit was extremely unusual, but I was _way_ too bashful to do all of that mushy "goodbye" stuff. Besides, I had like, 0 real friends - and I wasn't really liked by a number of people. Hanging around hugging and stuff would have been awkward and "fake" for a number of reasons.

Of course I didn't go to any of the "graduation parties" later that night - and I'm only _assuming_ that there were parties, because I was so "out of the loop" that I didn't know anything about these parties.


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## Astonish

When I was in high school I got nothing but bad grades. I would do my homework, and do it correctly, but when the teacher would call on me to bring my homework up to the desk, I'd say I didn't do it, and get an F.

I probably went to lunch less than 50 times out of the four years in high school. Those times that I did go, did I eat anything? No! I was too scared to eat in front of all those people, so I just basically starved myself for four years.

I never liked gym. The worst class ever! I always ditched that class, and when I did go, I would tell my gym teacher that I left my uniform at home so I wouldn't have to participate. 

My first year of high school, I never got on the bus because I was too afraid of being around a lot of my peers. I basically walked to and from school every single day, which was like a 1 mile walk both ways. People wondered why I never gained any weight.


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## Astonish

Oh, I have more. I too spent my lunch time in the library, computer room, and roaming from bathroom to bathroom. The rainy days were my days too, because I knew that I can cover my head with my hood or umbrella. I don't go out much in the summer, but as soon as it gets cold outside, Im out there. I wished that back then when I was in high school, that I would've known about all the people that experience the same things I've been through, and am still going through. There's so much similarity. I'm also afraid to drive. I'm sure there's more. I just haven't dug down that deep yet.


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## GURLWONDER

As soon as the weather got cold and I could wear a coat, hat, etc, I was happy. I am just now learning to enjoy the heat!!

Even though I have a license, and have had it since age 17 (by some miracle), I have probably driven less than 20 times in the past 11 years. :stu 

I missed out on so much back in high school. :sigh


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## Jinnix

So many things.. its like trying to pull out all these random things from different parts of my life. 

-In middle school I would eat my lunch quickly and then go hide in the bathroom. 
-In 9th grade I would go to the bathroom in between every class to check on myself (had acne, this is insecurity but my insecurities over my self image are rly strongly linked with my SA). 
-During an assembly I would go hide in a bathroom stall and I was paranoid of someone finding me there so I would put my legs up on the seat so they couldnt get me. 
-On this "double date" with my friend I just told them I was going to the bathroom but I actually got on my bike and sped home, because I was feeling very neglected since both girls were paying more attention to my friend because he was being social and funny.. where areas I seemed moody and clumsy because I was so nervous. 
-When my sister's friends come over and I can hear them outside while I'm downstairs I run up to my room as fast as I can and close the door and won't leave untill the voices are gone. 
-I feel so lucky because I go to a boarding school now and during lunch I just stay in my room.. (only like 5% of the school are boarders) This is great because I dont know how I would be able to live through going down to lunch and dealing with walking out of the kitchen with my food and staring at the hundreds of people sitting and have nowhere to sit. The boarding supervisor came up once and found me in my room during lunch, I said I wasnt feeling well. 
-During 7th grade I would walk into the cafeteria with my food and I would always sit at the end of the same table every single day, since it was closest to the exit of the kitchen. I would sit with these guys who would torture me and ask me things like "why do you sit here??" and "do you think were your friends?". Even though they did that to me I would still sit there since I didnt know where else to go untill one day, I got up from that table to go to the bathroom and I came back and my chips were gone. I started getting real pissed off at them and yelled at them to give it back and they were kind of making fun of me. I was almost in tears and I just walked out of the cafeteria and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the year. Earlier that year the group of kids who usually sat at that table went to eat at a picknic table outside so I sat at that table, completely alone.. and this popular girl who felt bad to me came over to me with her other popular friend and started asking me why I was sitting alone.. I was so nervous that I told her that my "friends" were sitting outside and that I didnt want to get a sun burn.. :doh 

So many things but I cant remember them.. atm I can only think of lots of bathroom stories.. I think lots of people with SA have hidden in bathrooms in the past because that is one of the only places you can go to be alone and cool off from all the social pressure. 

btw I dont know if its just me or for other SAers as well but having to hide throughout my life has made me very sneaky.. :lol


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## bronco028

> btw I dont know if its just me or for other SAers as well but having to hide throughout my life has made me very sneaky..


Yes, I think SAers are professional sneaks. I have always felt "gifted" so to speak at sneaking. Hey! That's probably why I never see other people with SA!


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## GURLWONDER

Jinnix said:


> btw I dont know if its just me or for other SAers as well but having to hide throughout my life has made me very sneaky.. :lol


 :agree We can be so quiet! I acutally have thought about becoming a private investigater, lol!! Or attempting to join the CIA. Gurlwonder International Spy, LOL!!

I knew everyone's business in high school cause I sat there quietly pretending to read or write while they told all their details. I would hear convos from across the room.

I remember one time in 10th grade, the sub geometry teacher was going around the room asking us to answer problems. For some reason he skipped over me and only me. LOL!!


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## lovesherbabies

Highschool was always a rough time for me I kept to myself except with a few select friends but managed to get thru the days fine.
Sophmore year I ended up getting pregnant which made going to school intense once I started showing. I always thought everyone was looking at me or talking about me it was aweful. When in actuality i was so quiet alot of people hardly noticed me. I can remember one semester I sat alone at lunch everyday. That has got to be one of the hardest things. I knew people, and people liked me but i was too afraid to just go and sit with them. I ultimately missed alot of school but maintained good grades. 

My first after school job was telemarketing...let me tell you that job is not for people with SA !! lol two weeks into it I ended up leaving at lunch. I didnt have a car so I walked a couple miles on a busy rt where noone should walk and got wind burned. I stopped at every gas station on the way until i got ahold of my boyfriend to pick me up. 

I later got a great job as a pharmacy tech but everyday felt like i was playing a role. I was good at my job but I felt so aweful inside, trying to pretend like nothing was bothering me. Eventually I started missing alot of work from having panic attacks in the morning before work. Calling in was so scarey. And then knowing i missed work when they needed me there got to be too much to take.. then one morning I woke up late and could not face going in to work and explaining that I over slept...and couldnt call in..i ultimately ended up quitting the best job i ever had via email. And ever since I aviod going into the pharmacy. 
Its been over 3 years, and Im still not working, now I stay home with the kids and Im not sure i could face working even if i had to.


I still avoid alot of things but being an at home mommy makes having SA too easy.


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## darkangel

Wow okay, guess I should add my list to the thread.. You guys said a whole ton of things that I also do, and frankly I'm surprised this "weird" stuff is so common.

- I also wore my coat every second while being in school. Grade 8-9 it was a dark blue plaid lumberjack jacket, and grades 10-12 it was a regular black leather look. No matter what temperature, I would never take it off. I wouldn't zip/button it up too, no matter what Canadian winter temps we got. It just looked too dorky. Plus I always had my bag with me. My locker was empty and I would just keep 1 binder in the bag for all my classes. Allowed for an easy entrance and an easy escape.

In fact, here's a picture of mine in that black jacket taken on a spare:










- I never ever went in the bathrooms in HS because that's where the popular girls primped up. At lunch I would just leave the school, not eat, and go smoke about a block away on some city benches. It was quieter there and close.

- Never attended field trips. Didn't even care where we were going, just upright refused and skipped that day. Buses are a nightmare.

- Glad some mentioned about the "Okay pick your partner" thing, oh GOD that was the worst. Everyone would partner up and I'd sit there looking down at my books hoping someone would come up to me. ONE time a group of guys put me in their group because I was the smart one. Other than that though, I'd just do whatever alone.

- Would take a 0 on most oral reports even though I was an honor student and cared about my grades

- Had a set of headphones on as much I could.

- Also had the time when I didn't have a pen in class, and wouldn't ask anyone around me. Would just go the whole class without a pen, or looking for one in my bag.

- Always tried to get the back corner seat in my classes. If not that, the front corner seat closest to the door.

- In junior high when we had to change in PE class, I'd change in a shower stall, or just wear some track pants to school that day. After that I just stopped participating altogether and would sit there.

- In grade 9 choral class I approached my teacher and said I'd rather write a huge essay or report than do the singing solo in class. He said no

- In college I would spend the 2 hour break between classes sitting in my car, either actually having some lunch, smoking, writing in my journal, or sleeping. One time I was sleeping and that day my driver's door wasn't closing right and some lady knocked on my window because she saw my door was screwed up

- College I was again wearing the same black coat as high school and had the same bag. I took off the coat while doing huge drawings though because my sleeves would smudge. But you bet I was out of that school the minute class was over

- College I went in the library ONCE because I had to do a research paper. I didn't check out any books though because I didn't really know how

- I never vary from my driving routes -at all- unless I absolutely have to

- I hate something that me and my brother call "confusion". When I'm leaving a store and someone is entering on the same door, who goes first.

- Confusion also when I'm in a store (7-11) and everyone knows the line goes horizontal. Well some fool will come in and start the line vertical. Who goes first, you, or the fool?

- When shopping, I don't go down packed aisles. Especially the health & beauty section where the aisles are so small

- I also don't go in small stores when there's no one there. I hate when sales people try to help

- At work when we're all going out for our smoke break, I time my walking speed so I'm not too close to the person ahead of me that they'll feel the need to hold the door open, and not too close to the person behind me where I'll have to hold the door open for them

- I hate red lights and will turn down my music because I usually have my window down somewhat and don't want them to think I'm a "wanna be" or something. I also NEVER look at the car beside me, even if someone tells me to

- If someone calls out to me on the street or something, I don't even look in that direction but completely ignore, no matter who it is (been burned by this too many times)

- One time my phone rang, so I checked the ID and it was my sister who lives in the states. She usually calls my mom, but I didn't pick up because she'd want to talk to me for awhile, and I just really hate talking on the phone (even though it's my own sister and we talk on msn all the time)

- My older brother's room used to be next to mine in the basement and he'd have friends over in my general basement area. I wouldn't leave my room for any reason because I'd have to walk directly past them (or my mom would open to the 'party area')

- If my brother comes over and I'm watching tv, I try to pick a "cool" show so he won't think I'm a loser

- One time I was at the till of a store, and I got the "Did you find everything you were looking for?" line, I said yes even though I didn't, and my younger brother said loudly, "No you didn't!" *shakes fist*

- Whenever I buy tampons in a store I hide them under other stuff even though THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH TAMPONS :lol Or I won't buy them unless I'm buying a ton of other stuff

I'll probably think of a billion more after I post this, but yeah, there's a short list lol


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## blacktiger63

When I was in high school, I would used to eat in the band room (the teacher didn't care) and I would usually get into some sort of panic attack when someone came in. It felt kind of awkward when you are the only one in the band room and instead of practicing your instrument, your eating. When the band room became off limits during breaks, I then never ate lunch and when to the library.

When the library was closed during our breaks for some reason, I would pretend to slowly walk around school and avoid people that know me. Then I would find a place to sit and pretend to be busy.

I always avoided speaking to people so people thought I was mean since I didn't say hello...

The weird things we do...


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## jane

I have done sooo many of these things. Here's another: On Friday nights at my college dorm, I've pretended to not be at home by turning off the lights, closing the blinds, not making noise, and even placing a towel at the bottom of my door to not let any light out.

*So, does anyone have any tips to stop avoiding????? *


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## Squizzy

> Even though they did that to me I would still sit there since I didnt know where else to go untill one day, I got up from that table to go to the bathroom and I came back and my chips were gone. I started getting real pissed off at them and yelled at them to give it back and they were kind of making fun of me. I was almost in tears and I just walked out of the cafeteria and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the year.


 :hug I'm so sorry! This makes me want to punch someone!! What a bunch of jerks, I've had similar stuff happen even a similar situation. They think it's sooo funny :roll

I thought of another one today, at college right now I don't eat lunch because I have no one to sit with. So I walk around campus for about a half an hour after I finish my homework. Funny thing is the campus is really small. I passed this one guy sitting at a picnic table like eight times. I saw him looking at me. Must think I'm nuts.


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## tewstroke

darkangel said:



> - Glad some mentioned about the "Okay pick your partner" thing, oh GOD that was the worst. Everyone would partner up and I'd sit there looking down at my books hoping someone would come up to me. ONE time a group of guys put me in their group because I was the smart one. Other than that though, I'd just do whatever alone.
> 
> - In junior high when we had to change in PE class, I'd change in a shower stall, or just wear some track pants to school that day. After that I just stopped participating altogether and would sit there.


Wow. I did the exact same thing in PE class, I've sorta gotten over it now though.

And I still get that whole partner thing, when someone doesn' t eventually approach my I just work by myself while everyone else is in a group.

Also does anyone's teacher just forget that they exist at times, or do people in your class not even realize you're there. That happens to me almost everyday and it sucks.


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## odd_one_out

Wow, I wish I'd known other people did all these things back when my S.A. was at its peak! :lol 

Weird things I've done (among many):-

-If adults teased me jokingly about my quietness I'd get selective mutism and never utter another word to them again, and when very young I'd also feel compelled to poke my tongue out every time we met.

-I was very active outside of school and did all kinds of non-team sports, but in P.E. we'd always be made to do team sports outside in the cold. I could NEVER join in due to shyness and would end up going BLUE (lips & fingernails).

-In the final year of high school we once got the chance to choose a sport. I picked one I was good at (trampolining) and the P.E. teachers were amazed cos they'd never seen me move before and thought I'd be rubbish.

-We also had to do swimming one year. I was already competent but they wanted proof to put me in the can-swim group. I always have to ease slowly into pools (I can't STAND the cold in any form) and they thought I'd lied that I could swim and put me in the beginner group. I then had to pretend I couldn't swim for months until one day I made out I'd learnt. They didn't know why I refused the badge (already had it).

-At uni I almost never had anyone to partner up with and had to struggle alone. Everyone used to work on homework together. I had no one to ask so would end up handing in nothing or only a paragraph's worth!

-In one class I already had alot of experience with the subject but everyone else was really struggling. We always had to form groups but no one ever chose me and they never got to find out I knew how to do the problems. The professor would look at me with amusement each week since he was the only one who knew. :lol 

-In uni my presentation fear reached a peak and I would REFUSE to do it or just get up and leave. One prof. called me to his office where I ended up crying, and he was so shocked he just couldn't utter another word. That freaked me out so I just got up and left silently. :stu 

-At uni I'd end up starving myself rather than pass people to get to the kitchen.

-I'd also sneak around silently everywhere and give people the shock of their lives when they encountered me!

-If a phone rang I'd run the other way and I didn't return calls.

-NUMEROUS avoidance behaviours like checking no one's around or waiting ages till the all clear, going out of my way, etc. etc.


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## tonsofun

jane said:


> I have done sooo many of these things. Here's another: On Friday nights at my college dorm, I've pretended to not be at home by turning off the lights, closing the blinds, not making noise, and even placing a towel at the bottom of my door to not let any light out.
> 
> *So, does anyone have any tips to stop avoiding????? *


Yeah, did that a lot in college. If there was a knock on the door i would turn the tv or music volume down and not answer. They had to have known I was in there. They probably thought I was insane.

I'm not sure if there are any tips for not avoiding people. I'm not sure who it is on this forum but his signature sums up how I feel. I'm paraphrasing but it goes something like this: When I'm around people I want to get away from the but when I'm away from people I want to be near them. How do you go about changing something like this? I honestly don't think it can be rationalized away.


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## Chrysalii

Ah, I am also very quiet when moving, people never notice when I move (however in my house out floors are creaky, but I've memorized the locations where they are creaky). 
Oh and a few more popped up. 

-The annual Christmas eve party, my Grandma had a 2 family type home thing, various family member have lived in the upstairs "house", but I would usually sneak up there, or pretend I was tired so I could go up there. I can't do it now, since it has moved. I still usually hang out outside. (note, I've almost gotten over my SA around family  ) 

-I used to never have my window of shades open, even during hot nights. I always thought someone was watching me, or would sneak in to my room. (I've pretty much gotten over that, currently I am sitting next to an open window) 

-Can't really use the computer lab, too many people, unless I'm in the back corner where no one can see me. the school has little computer stations, most are off to the side, or almost in their own room, but sometimes I can't use the if there's too many people. 

-Speaking of computers, I minimize everything whenever I think someone's coming close, no matter what I am doing. Makes people suspicious. Actually this is why I like laptops, all I have to do is close it, ant since it's password protected, no one could look at anything unless I wanted them to. 

-responding to "bless yous" whenever I sneeze...actually I made this thing so it seems like I can't talk for a while after I sneeze, just so I wouldn't have to talk. 

-Do not ask me to choose, ever. 

Those are a few more I can remember that I don't recall seeing in this thread.


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## LoveThySelf

Reading these is really making me think about how rediculous the things are that we do trying to keep from looking rediculous!

A few from my list:

- For a while I couldnt eat at the dinner table with my parents because I was too afraid of them looking at me. I had to eat in front of the TV.
- We had a special ice cream party in the school gym for those with good grades, my ONE friend didnt qualify, so I asked my teacher special permission to stay in the classroom with the kids that didnt get to go, I think I said I was allergic to ice cream or some other rediculousness.
- I spent most of high school lunch time in the library also.
- In college I once walked about 5 miles in the 90* sun searching for a job because I didnt have a car yet and I was too afraid to ask one of my friends.
-In college I could only eat in the cafateria during strange hours because I knew no one else would be there. Sometimes I didnt even get to have hot food because it wasnt ready yet.
- At work if the phone would ring I would pretend to be busy so someone else would have to answer it. I really hate answering a phone that doesnt have caller-ID.
- Sometimes I get paranoid that I am breathing too loud and its bothering people, and I catch myself holding my breath.
- I have to "act natural" at stoplights, or if a police car is behind me. Im not ever sure what to do.
- I hate standing in line because Im afraid Im not standing "right", or I dont know what to do with my face. Should I look bored? mildly amused? in a hurry? happy to be here?


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## millenniumman75

jane said:


> *So, does anyone have any tips to stop avoiding????? *


For the store thing, I would try and go, no matter what. I am glad to hear other people's issues with certain items as I have them, too (not feminine products - masculine ones! :lol). Everybody has things they need to buy and things they don't want anybody else to know they need to buy. At first, make sure you know the price of the item, so that there is no "price check!". Modern markets' scanners work pretty well these days.

If you need to, do self check-out first, get to know the machine, remember how it works and then see how similar a real market checker works.


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## winterice

This is quite the amazing thread...

I'm always considered myself to have "minor" social anxiety. That is, it's always something that has bothered me and has impacted my quality of life, but I never felt like it was ever bad enough to tell anybody about it or get help. But, really, I'm not quite sure. 

Anyway..

- In elementary school I never once asked to use the washroom because I was too scared to speak up. I pee'd my pants a few times. In class. In middle school I think I had the courage to ask a few times, but I never did in high school (although I didn't pee my pants either, lol). 

- I never put my hand up for anything while the teacher was speaking to the class. This continues in college. 

- I become nervous and my heart beats quickly even when I am calling a close friend. 

- When I lived in dorms at college I would eat really late / early so it would seem less wierd that I was eating alone. 


Although I have made a lot of progress in the last few years, I have also been struck with an increasing problem of flushing / blushing / rosacea. 

I think it would be awesome to have a friend with SA, but the sad reality is that this condition makes it hard to have any friends, let alone ones that are trying to avoid us.


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## GURLWONDER

LoveThySelf said:


> how rediculous the things are that we do trying to keep from looking rediculous!


EXACTLY! :agree

I remember in junior high school, kids who received honor cards would get a Burger King lunch in the school library. Well, one time I decided to be "bold" and go get my well earned burger, fries and pie, but ended up walking right on past the library :hide !

I also skipped out on the group picture for honors students for the 8th grade yearbook.

In college, I also ate breakfast really early so that I wouldn't have to be seen eating alone. As for lunch and dinner, I would get my food and take it back to my dorm room. I wasted a lot of "meal points" in college. I think the cafeteria workers thought that I was some spoiled rich girl the way I would waste meals.


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## GreyCloud

Thanks for making this thread. it's good to know i'm not the only one who does these things. 

-In hs we had block periods which meant there was only 4 classes a semester but they were 90 minutes long with the exception of the block lunch which was 2 hours. I was lucky enough to have study hall ever other day during the 2 hour lunch block cause i would have band one day and study hall the next. It was torture. I would spend 2 hours in the library pretending to study, which i didn't of course. And i would skip lunch as well. 

-During my senior year we had to get passes to go to the library during lunch. that sucked! i hated getting a pass so i would just stay in the study hall room and when it was time to eat i would hide from bathroom to bathroom and pretend to look at the notice boards to kill time. 

-I did the whole pee in the bottle thing too. The bathroom during freshman year was across the hall from the room of this really popular girl who always had her door open and there was tons of people there. i didn't want any one to see me go in so i found find a bottle, if i couldn't find one, i used a plastic bag or even a towel. This is so sad, reading back.

-I've been at college for a little over a week now and i've skipped every dinner meal and half the lunches. This past 3 day weekend i didn't leave my room once. all i ate was some chips and water. On the plus side i never did get the freshman 15. i always lost weight. Last year i was able to take the food back to my room to eat because my rommate was never there but i can't do that this year. my roommate is always here and if ate in my room all the time she'd probably wonder why i don't have friends. 

-To avoid the whole what are you doing tongiht (friday and saturday) i would say i was tired or that i was sick or doing laundry or pretending to hold the cell phone to my ear and talking with an imanginary person until my roommate left. I was "sick" very often last year and probably will be too this year.


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## bronco028

> During my senior year we had to get passes to go to the library during lunch. that sucked! i hated getting a pass so i would just stay in the study hall room and when it was time to eat i would hide from bathroom to bathroom and pretend to look at the notice boards to kill time.


I like how you mentioned how you were trying to kill time. I became very good at sitting for hours on end with absolutely nothing to do because of my lack of friends. Although alot of these problems are gone now, I am still paranoid about the measurement of time.


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## Amebix

if i ever have kids im never ever going to send them to a public school. Most def alternative school. The public school system is so damn stupid it makes me mad.


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## naomi

I just read this entire thread and am surprised at how much we have in common! (Pleasantly surprised. I'm not alone! I understand WHY now!)

I thought of this the other day. I am scared of making left hand turns. I almost always will go out of my way to not make a left turn or to find a left turn traffic signal.


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## wxman

*Avoidance*

I have to laugh when I read a lot of these statements as it reminds me so much of the silly things I have done and still do.

I have found so many tricks to avoid running into large groups of people at work. I always arrive early to use the microwave..quickly dart here and there to avoid.

I remember hiding in the bathroom stall when I was younger..as I didnt want to face people.

I used to skip school a lot in Grade 9 because I hated being around all these kids..I got teased a lot since I was so quiet.

Even last year..I was at a conference in a foreign city and I saw somebody in front of me who I didnt want to talk to and I quickly turned around. I hope he didnt see me but he may have. Then I took a side street and 20 minutes later I saw him and his wife in front of me again..I couldnt believe it and spun around quickly and took another street. I am sure he saw me then but I just didnt care..I just did not want to talk to him.

I know the movements of my neighbors to the tee..thus I know when its safe to walk down the street without them seeing me. I dont walk on the street much on the weekend as they are always hovering around.

I say nothing at staff meetings at work..or I call in sick on days of the staff meeting. I try to avoid all presentartions but will have to do one next month which I am dreading.

I think we would all be great private investigators because we are so good at observing people and their movements and we are very good at sneaking around/not being noticed.


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## Imtooshy

Favorite Spots to Hide:
1) Library
2) Bathroom
3) My Room


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## grapefruit82

*weird things i do?*

well.....many....

i stand next to people HOPING they will talk to me, but usually they just go away and move on to something else.

i think of all the possible things i can say or ask them in my head, but when i actually talk my voice sounds shallow and unenthusiastic. i hate the way i sound, like i dont believe anything i say. beyond timid, self deprecating and self loathing is probably more accurate.

i can't stand myself, and yet i am hurt that people dont like me. i try to be friendly, but i feel so awkward. i confront people, but it just ends up feeling stupid, like i'm begging them to pay more attention to me. i feel like nothing i do or say is natural in any way. it's all so forced, and awkward.


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## Shy One

Wow... I've done so many weird thing because of SA... way more than I can list. 

I've skipped a lot of school and classes in High School. Some days I wouldn't go to school. Others i'd come late and a lot of times i'd leave early. Before lunch i'd just walk out the back door. 

I'd skip gym. Or purposly wouldn't get dressed for gym so i'd have to sit out. I've even hidden in the girls locker room until gym was over and acted like i'd been there the whole time. I'd get dressed in the shower stall of the locker room too. 

I even once had a panic attack in gym class and started crying. The teachers thought I was just trying to get out of playing volleyball. 

I'd go through a lot just to avoid certain situations. 

I've lied my way out of giving speaches in college and in high school.

I've dropped classes that I wasn't comfortable with in college.

I've failed classes that I didn't feel comfortable in in High School.

I avoid answering the phone constantly.

I sometimes avoid going out with friends. 

I avoid people I know when I see them in public. (Walk the other way so they don't think I saw them or they don't see me) Otherwise I look rude when I get all choked up and can't even get the word "hi" out. 

I don't ask for help in class when I don't understand something. 

When i'm put on the spot in class my mind goes blank.


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## tewstroke

Shy One said:


> When i'm put on the spot in class my mind goes blank.


Mine too! Then I just say whatever pops up first which of course never sounds right.


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## Maseur Shado

I spent my lunch hours in high school either in English class or the bathroom, but that was due more to avoiding my group of bullies who forced me to quit eventually. That would have happened with or without SA.

But I've quit plenty of jobs because of low self-esteem and SA. I've canceled about five interviews in the last year just so I wouldn't have to speak to anyone. I won't take any more jobs dealing with the public. I only want jobs where I can work in a back office somewhere, away from the negative glares of others.

At my volunteer job, I used to sit on the floor near the filing shelves rather than go in the back where everyone else was for lunch. Although that had a lot to do with the nasty attitude I received from two of the nurses when I tried doing that before. Volunteers and temps are generally both equal in the contempt department for regular employees.


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## millenniumman75

Shy One said:


> I would get half-dressed for gym and play softball with the girls because the bigger guys would pound me into the ground while playing football.
> 
> I avoid answering the phone constantly.
> 
> I sometimes avoid going out with friends.
> 
> I avoid people I know when I see them in public. (Walk the other way so they don't think I saw them or they don't see me) Otherwise I look rude when I get all choked up and can't even get the word "hi" out.
> 
> **I don't ask for help in class when I don't understand something.


I do all of the above and have just become comfortable with the "**" one about asking questions. If they wonder what I am talking about, I will respecify. I don't worry about they think of me - I worry about it for about five minutes and then move on. No more of MillenniumMan's time! :lol


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## Mozzie

Throughout school I pretended I had asthma, and managed to fake attacks to get out of participating in any group activities.

I also pretended that I was a Jehovah Witness to get out of religious assembly (I’m not religious at all).

When I had to be in a group of people I’ve let on that I was extremely hard of hearing, which is why I couldn’t really participate in conversations too well.

I’ve gone all day at work pretending I’ve lost my voice to avoid presentations at work.

Sometimes I would walk around school during lunchtime looking as if I was on an errand so no one would know I was just didn’t have anyone to sit with. 

I’ve always got an important Doctors/Dentist/Lawyer/Travel Agency etc appointment when I’m invited out to lunch at work.

This sa thing has helped me become very adept at lying.


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## lilly

I've done countless weird things because of sa. To start with I ran away from kindergarten. At school I'd offer chocolate or some other food so I'd be allowed to play. At another school I'd pretend I was a dentist and "drill" a tree instead of playing with others. At lunch times I can't remember having a clue what to do.
At my first work experience I brought a newspaper into the staff room when a co-worker said to me it's not nice to do that - so I had to break that urge. I'd go into the city at lunchtimes rather than not know how to sit through a staff-room lunch. At other jobs I'd not go into the staff-room some teatimes as it felt so awful there. At lunchtimes I'd see who wanted to go down the street with me otherwise I'd sit in the office or go down the street alone. I've asked co-workers to buy me a sandwich when they're out as I did not feel confident to go out that day and buy something myself.
I've crossed the road/left cafes/ you name the weird thing I've done it when I've gotten uncomfortable! ops I'm embarrassed to admit it even on this sa messageboard!


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## tuna

Two times in class I used to pretend I was sleeping when the teacher called on me so I wouldn't have to speak.


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## Restless Mind

*Re: Avoidance*



wxman said:


> I think we would all be great private investigators because we are so good at observing people and their movements and we are very good at sneaking around/not being noticed.


I think so too. :lurk


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## loner1

Today I showed up late for a class, just because the teacher is usually late, and the other students pass time by chatting. I hate making small talk, I usually end up saying the wrong thing or alienating someone.


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## sociallyanxious

When I am forced to make small talk with someone I have a hard time making eye contact and if I try to make it a point to maintain eye contact my eyes kind of wander back an forth, which makes things alot worst because I notice the person I'm talking to trying to act as if they don't notice it.


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## dangat

A few years ago I was in the car with my dad when he had a heart attack. He pulled over but I was too afraid of the operator being judgemental to call 911. He ended up having to call. He did survive, luckily enough, since it was a type of attack that kills 90% of people who have it. I still feel somewhat ashamed.


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## Clementine

^ Oh whew, thank God about your dad. 

Many times I had the opportunity to do something worthwhile but my anxiety would just paralyze me despite how much I tried to reason with myself. Once someone lost a study guide, and I happened to have an extra one at the time. He told the teacher but she had no copies, so she told him to walk back to get one after school. But the class was in a trailer, and it was a long walk away from the school. I felt awful, I just kept wishing after class that I had told him I had a copy. 

Oh, and I did the whole casually sneaking around hallways during lunch, forcing myself to pee every time I went to hide in a bathroom and someone was there. It was tough not being noticed when the building was two stories and took only three minutes to walk throughout the school.


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## Hofmann

I walk around aimlessly or sit in my car during breaks at school or work so I don't have to be around people.

I've ignored advances from females I thought were attractive to avoid further interaction with them.

I've chosen jobs under my skill level because they involved minimal interaction with people.

I've skipped classes because I knew there would be group discussions.

I've driven to events(parties/gatherings) I wanted to attend and then turned back when I got there because I was too nervous to go in.


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## Imaginary.Mindy

sociallyanxious said:


> When I am forced to make small talk with someone I have a hard time making eye contact and if I try to make it a point to maintain eye contact my eyes kind of wander back an forth, which makes things alot worst because I notice the person I'm talking to trying to act as if they don't notice it.


I do that all the time
a few weeks ago I was depressed and my friend was trying to get me to talk to him and I just couldn't look in his eyes he ended up freaking out about it and made me feel really stupid because I've known him for about 5 years so I should feel comfortable but I can not bring myself to make eye contact with most people

I used to actually get to class get the homework the period before I was supposed to be there and then leave school do the homework and slide it under the door to avoid feeling uncormfortable at all

Sometimes at work when I say something I feel is stupid I just dissapear into a different part of our store my managers always wonder where I go but usually I just hide out by the fitting rooms


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## phantomsolstice

Heh. I worked three hours overtime and NEVER took a break because I was scared of asking/ telling them how long I was rostered on for, or if I could take a break.


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## Partofme

Hmm. In junior high if I couldn't find anybody to eat lunch with I'd hide in the bathroom like so many people here! I'm glad I'm not the only one...it sure seemed like it at the time. I never bought lunch because I didn't want to deal with the lunch line. In high school I remember hiding out in the bathroom occasionally...sitting in the stall feeling like a loser (now that I think about it was pretty nasty) (I didn't even know what the hell was wrong with me at the time) or re-doing my makeup/brushing my hair to pass the time which never went by fast enough. I hated hiding like that. It felt stupid, uttery stupid. But to me it was better than sitting at a table and saying nothing and feeling like a total tag-along. During some lunch periods I lucked out and found someone to sit with. We'd sit and read in the doorway or play cards. I think all we said to each other most times was "hey" and "see ya tomorrow". lol. 

Sitting on the bus was always uncomfortable. So I always had my headphones on so I didn't have to just sit there uncomfortably while everyone who passed stared at me. 

During senior year (which sucked just as badly as every year), I skipped towards the end. I skipped as many days as I possibly could. There were a couple classes that I felt incredibly akward in. I also skipped most presentations that I could afford to skip.

Oh yeah, I'd also do the bathroom thing during passing time so I wouldn't have to be first to class everyday. 

Ok, those were all school related. Now for everyday ones: peeking out windows to make sure the neighbors aren't out so I can hop in my car/check the mail/walk in my own yard. I do the same thing whenever crossing a street...I feel like the stinkin' cars are gonna run me over...that wouldn't be such a bad thing I guess. I never hardly answer the phone...never have. Never hardly ever left a message for anybody, only once have I ever at my house. Last year, I skipped some psychology classes that would have been very interesting all because I didn't want to walk in late in front of 25-30 people.


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## phantomsolstice

I'd hide in the bathrooms as well. Or I'd be sitting there with a book in front of me. I used to often pretend to be listening to music with earphones, though mostly I was afraid of actually playing music in case someone would confront me and ask what I was listening to.


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## slowsloth

Restless Mind said:


> Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.


Man, I know _exactly_ how you felt. I still do that same kind of thing NOW. For example, a few weeks ago a couple of my buddies (who i would consider somewhat close friends) called me and asked me if i wanted to go to a party. I gathered up some quick courage and decided to go. After a few hours I began to feel *extremely* isolated and anxious -- like i wasn't really connecting with anyone at all and didn't belong there. Eventually the pressure got the best of me, and i got up and walked off without a word. 
It's actually a tactic that I've become quite versed in, unfortunately.


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## Restless Mind

slowsloth said:


> [After a few hours I began to feel *extremely* isolated and anxious -- like i wasn't really connecting with anyone at all and didn't belong there. Eventually the pressure got the best of me, and i got up and walked off without a word. It's actually a tactic that I've become quite versed in, unfortunately.


Yup, it feels terrible not being able to connect. It's like, why am I here? And then all sorts of negative thoughts manifest from that.


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## phantomsolstice

It's very difficult to feel ANY sort of connection with another person when the anxiety already seems to distance you from yourself - you cannot naturally think how you would react if you were relaxed, and therefore cannot connect with yourself or others very easily.


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## Stella Errans

Also went to the cafeteria, too bad we couldn't all have gone there together somehow...but then we wouldn't have gone at all if there were people in there, right?
I also made up boyfriends, one had a long and sorted story. 
I came clean to a "real" boyfriend once about this and he thought I was nuts.


----------



## michellejl

reflecton8571 said:


> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


I thought I was the only one who did that! :lol I was self-conscious about my braces, and my teeth are also genetically discoloured a bit. So I guess it wasn't really SA...but it didn't help my confidence any
Another thing I did was walk on my tip toes....how embarrassing, I still do it sometimes. :lol Again, not really SA, just something to make me weird. :b

Things because of SA....
Oh geez, too many to list really...all the usual ones.


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## shiznit

I thinks many SAers live what we consider normal lives because they are forced to. Be it by themselves or the external environment. Something to ponder.


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## liquorice

At school when a teacher asked me a question in class, I would simply not reply. There would be an awkward pause, then they'd ask someone else...

School was okay cos I had friends. But at uni I ditched class a LOT due to SA.

Also i used to have a problem with very public spontaneous crying (or should that be wailing...hmm). Once it happened at a huge social gathering at work...that was not good...hasn't happened since tho, thank god.


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## AnnaBanana

When I was in 10th grade my childhood bestfriend had a sweet sixteen party with no adult supervision and all the "cool" people were invited. I lied to my friend and said that my mom (who is a nurse) needed a ride home from the hospital and that I could only drop by to say "hello" and give her a gift. I felt like such a loser, but the idea of having to interact in that social situation scared me badly....... 

All throughout high school I also avoided lunch time and break times with groups of people....I either went to the library to "study" or ate lunch in an empty classroom.......... 

looking back it seems worse than it did at the time. I just wish my parents would have picked up on my symptoms...........


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## goodnewsdeb

In high school, any presentation I had to do I avoided. When I cut class I was too afraid of going back to class so I stopped going to a lot of my classes and ended up dropping out of high school, which I didn't mind so much lol.

Now I'm in college and I have been avoiding Public Speaking class for 3 years now and I damn my school for making that a mandatory class! :\ 

Like a lot of people I also have a hard time keeping eye contact with people. I feel like they can see right through me. Even though I do keep my eye contact with the person that's talking to me, I bet I look like I'm trying to hypnotize them from staring so hard. 

I have phone anxiety so I used to order pizza all the time because I was able to order it online!

Worrying about getting a job before I even make an attempt to apply for it! This kills me the most. I envy my friends who apply for jobs without a blink of an eye.


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## Message

goodnewsdeb said:


> In high school, any presentation I had to do I avoided. When I cut class I was too afraid of going back to class so I stopped going to a lot of my classes and ended up dropping out of high school, which I didn't mind so much lol.
> 
> Now I'm in college and I have been avoiding Public Speaking class for 3 years now and I damn my school for making that a mandatory class! :\


 :ditto x100

I cut class SO many times to avoid presentations. One time I cut a week of my french class so I didn't have to make a ONE MINUTE speech.

There were a few times where I went up to my teacher and told them to give me a zero on a presentation. Oh man, the shame level went well off the scale.

And speech is mandatory in college for me too


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## justagirl04

-during my sophomore year of h.s. I sat in the bathroom in a stall for lunch period to avoid the humiliation of eating alone. 

-too many times to count I have avoided getting up in front of the class to sharpen a pencil, use the restroom, grab a sheet of paper, tissue, etc.

-in high school I would take the long way to class to avoid people in hallways.

-when I'm about to walk by someone I "know" and would, under normal cicumstances say hello to, (my RA, roommate, boyfriends friend) I try to look busy so they say hi first or to give them the impression that I didn't see them so they don't think I'm being rude by not acknoledging them.

-I used to skip classes where presentations/group work/group reviews would be taken place, but I kinda got over that because I actually need to PASS college. I already flunked out once b/c of it. 

-more as i think of them..l.


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## Message

My bestfriend did that. Luckily I had friends in sophomore year and lost them when I could leave campus.


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## Qolselanu

Yep. In my communications class, we have a speech that can either be presented this Wednesday, or last Monday. (At this point, I have not even started on the speech. And I don't know if I will. I did not even show up to class Monday. I was scared of being called on. Well, our instructor was gonna pick names out of a hat to see who goes. I dont know if i was picked yet. I might be lucky, and could still do the speech on Wednesday. Now only if I could start on it.) Not only did I have trouble figuring out what exactly it would be on, but I already knew that I could'nt face going up there. It's actually quite interesting. On our first day of communications, everyone had to give a short speech about who they were, hobbies, etc. Even I did it, easily. I knew I sucked though. Our instructor said that this would be our hardest speech. BS. All you had to do was say your name, give some info about yourself, some hobbies, then you are done. Because of it's suddeness, it did not have to be professional or anything. Nothing fancy. But still,people were nervous and I was a wreck. 

Now, the interesting part is that I have not gone solo for a serious presentation since before high school. All in high school, it was always group presentations. EXCEPT, for my Biology class. Solo presentation. I knew nearly no one in the class. I did not want to do it. I didn't. I got an A in the class anyway. (I just remembered that I wrote this earlier in this thread.) And now, here I am; solo presentation. We have a total of 3 graded speeches. I looked at the syllabus, according to the numbers, don't do that speeches, and it's a failure. I don't know if I can do it.

But, a big reason why I could not do the speech is that we were not given a solid example of what the speech what be liked when performed. Basically, I wish our instructor gave out a speech herself on our selected topic, using a decent, past students paper. With that sort of benchmark, maybe I would not be so afraid to do it. Ok, this has gotten stupid. I have written way too much, too fast. I better stop now before this post gets even more incohoherent.


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## SADLiath

Wow, I do so many of these things. 

But this one's really weird: At the grocery store, if someone else is already on an aisle, I will not walk down it. I go somewhere else in the store and come back later. I even know what times to go, so that I see the fewest people possible.


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## triumphtr79

i'm so shy and quiet but i can actually do public speaking very well. strange.. huh?


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## VintageX

Cheers to everyone- no matter how much $#*@! we've experienced, we're all still here. 

I used to drive to highschool and there were many mornings when I just sat in my car and held back tears because I just didn't think I could make it through another day. Sometimes I missed my first class because I literally couldn't open the door and get out.


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## Message

VintageX said:


> Cheers to everyone- no matter how much $#*@! we've experienced, we're all still here.
> 
> I used to drive to highschool and there were many mornings when I just sat in my car and held back tears because I just didn't think I could make it through another day. Sometimes I missed my first class because I literally couldn't open the door and get out.


Same here, only I'd miss the whole day. XD


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## Lilangel27

Message said:


> I cut class SO many times to avoid presentations. One time I cut a week of my french class so I didn't have to make a ONE MINUTE speech.
> 
> There were a few times where I went up to my teacher and told them to give me a zero on a presentation. Oh man, the shame level went well off the scale.
> 
> And speech is mandatory in college for me too


I did the same thing for presentations as you...I would skip class for a week, never do the speech, and take a 0...

I had to remember a 10 line poem, very easy, I wouldn't do it...i took a zero..

I did graduate and now go to college...although, different from you - I go online ONLY because I do not have to see anyone......(Great thinking, I think), although I pay 3x more than I would if I went to an In-State University.......


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## Lilangel27

I also skipped lunch for 3 years of high school...get this...Not because I would be sitting alone (because I had a good 4-5 friends that would sit w/me), but because I didn't like being around people....for some reason, I always think if there is not room, I will not only be sitting alone, but for some reason, I think that I would have to stand up and eat...has that ever happened to me??? Not once.....


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## GURLWONDER

That's how my true friendlessness started. When I first started high school, I had a _few_ friends and even made a _few_ more. But, I was so scared to eat in the cafeteria, around all those people, that I started going into the rec(recreation) room and hanging out near the stairwell with some other "non lunchers". Sophomore year, I had no friends during my lunch period and the rest is history.



Lilangel27 said:


> I also skipped lunch for 3 years of high school...get this...Not because I would be sitting alone (because I had a good 4-5 friends that would sit w/me), but because I didn't like being around people....for some reason, I always think if there is not room, I will not only be sitting alone, but for some reason, I think that I would have to stand up and eat...has that ever happened to me??? Not once.....


[/i]


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## Exiled

Sitting and standing in certain angles and particular areas to minimize the amount of attention I am able to recieve from the public.


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## Message

Lilangel27 said:


> Message said:
> 
> 
> 
> I cut class SO many times to avoid presentations. One time I cut a week of my french class so I didn't have to make a ONE MINUTE speech.
> 
> There were a few times where I went up to my teacher and told them to give me a zero on a presentation. Oh man, the shame level went well off the scale.
> 
> And speech is mandatory in college for me too
> 
> 
> 
> I did the same thing for presentations as you...I would skip class for a week, never do the speech, and take a 0...
> 
> I had to remember a 10 line poem, very easy, I wouldn't do it...i took a zero..
> 
> I did graduate and now go to college...although, different from you - I go online ONLY because I do not have to see anyone......(Great thinking, I think), although I pay 3x more than I would if I went to an In-State University.......
Click to expand...

I almost didn't graduate, but luckily I did... and I'm going to take online classes next semester too. But in Fall of 2007 I will be going to a four year college, in a dorm room and everything. I'm thinking that I'll be fine seeing as I will pretty much be FORCED to make friends. Once I make friends, I'll be okay.


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## Misanthropy

I go driving for hours at a time on Friday and Saturday nights so it looks like I have a life and that I go places and do things. All up I'm usually gone for 5 or 6 hours a night, but most of that time is spent with the car parked and me listening to podcasts on my ipod.

I have a number of 'spots' around town where I can go and just sit in the car without drawing too much attention. Some examples might be the local marina car park and various side-streets in the numerous industrial areas.

It's annoying though, because I've come to realise that no matter where you are or what time it is, someone will _always_ drive past. I'm yet to find a totally secluded, inconspicuous spot unless I want to drive miles out of town in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, whenever a car drives past I duck and hide so it looks like the car is empty, or I'll fiddle around with the centre console so it looks like I've just pulled up and am about to get out.

Sometimes I even lie in the back seat when I'm pulled over - this has backfired however. I once had a police officer look in the window for some reason (must have thought my car looked weird) and then question me about the car and if I was on drugs.

God, just writing about this is embarrassing. My life is pathetic.


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## IndigoGirl

I skipped alot of classes and school days. I'm a huge dork so I did lots of weird things throughout the school years.


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## gg87

post deleted.


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## Chrysalii

Misanthropy said:


> I go driving for hours at a time on Friday and Saturday nights so it looks like I have a life and that I go places and do things. All up I'm usually gone for 5 or 6 hours a night, but most of that time is spent with the car parked and me listening to podcasts on my ipod.


I'll probably do that, if I ever learn to drive.


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## Lilangel27

Message said:


> I almost didn't graduate, but luckily I did... and I'm going to take online classes next semester too. But in Fall of 2007 I will be going to a four year college, in a dorm room and everything. I'm thinking that I'll be fine seeing as I will pretty much be FORCED to make friends. Once I make friends, I'll be okay.


I wish you luck!

I am the same way though, if I am forced and see no way out (such as 100% online school), then I will actually do it...just be VERY uncomfortable for a while doing it.

Good luck though, I'm sure you'll do great!


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## naoko

I only take out my garbage in the middle of the night. I have to walk across a parking lot area. I don't like it.

I eat my lunch in my car at school. I'm a commuter. The other day there was someone in their car to the left and right of me. I was wondering if they had SA too maybe, lol.

I feel more comfortable if I'm wearing more clothing, like long sleeve shirts and a hat.


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## X33

-


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## wxman

*I can relate*

Oh boy do I have a lot of stories. I remember hiding in the bathroom in the stall many times at work just to get away from going in the lunchroom. I skipped school a lot to avoid people.

I avoid my neighbors like the plague..I have it figured out as to when they are usually outside and I make sure not to walk down the street when they are around. I sometimes go around them when I see them and take a much longer way to get home. I make sure to pick up my kids at school as late as possible so I wont run into anyone on the way there.

Last year at a work conference away from home..I was walking down a busy street and I noticed a colleague coming towards me..and I really didnt feel like talking to him or his wife..I was just in the mood for being alone. So I quickly turned around..I dont think they saw me. Then I went down a street to the left and then eventually made my way back to the north..well 5 minutes later as I turn into another street..guess who I see walking towards me again..the same couple..I panicked and just turned around and went down another street..I could not believe my bad luck. This time I think they saw me..unbelievable. I walked around that city for 3 hours trying to find a restaurant to eat alone where I wouldnt feel awkward but found nothing. So I just grabbed a sandwich somewhere.


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## helpfulheart

naoko said:


> I only take out my garbage in the middle of the night. I have to walk across a parking lot area. I don't like it.


 :ditto

Also, if there is someone knocking at the door (even when I had my own place), I run into my bedroom and shut the door. I play some music so that I can say, "oh! I didn't hear them come by" (if it was the UPS man or something).

I lied to my parents when I was in college. I told them I had tons of friends, and that I go out every weekend. I feel bad because they really want me to have fun and do stuff. 
In reality, I was in my dorm room layinig in bed watching dvds.


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## naoko

helpfulheart said:


> naoko said:
> 
> 
> 
> Also, if there is someone knocking at the door (even when I had my own place), I run into my bedroom and shut the door. I play some music so that I can say, "oh! I didn't hear them come by" (if it was the UPS man or something).
Click to expand...

I hide in my room too. But I have people wanting to get a motel room next door, knocking on my door. It doesn't happen that often but when it does, it happens at night, really late sometimes like three in the morning. And I'm always scared that they might get mad and just break in or something.


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## gg87

post deleted.


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## nevel

I live in apartment building, and if I see people waiting for the elevator, I would take the stairs down instead, to avoid them. I feel uncomfortable in a elevator with other people. Lucky, I only live on the third floor. I would never go out on my balcony if other people were on their balcony. When, I go shopping, I would wear my IPOD, so the sales clerk would not ask me anything. I really dislike talking to sale clerks.


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## mismac

When I lived on campus, I'd hide in my room and avoid my floormates every chance I get. If I had to go to the washroom, I'd make sure none of them were in the hallway and their doors were all closed before leaving my room because I didn't want to have to talk to them on my way back.


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## Nyx

I've hidden in my room for hours no matter how hungry I was, how thirsty I was, or how badly I needed to pee because there were people visiting.

I prefered to fail calc over going to the prof and asking for help.

I'll skip breaks sometimes if I can't go outside because I don't want to sit in my cubicle idling in case someone walks by and thinks I'm just being lazy.

I've gone hungry many times because I was too anxious to order something somewhere or eat by myself.

I've screwed up friendships because I'm too anxious to go places.

I pretend I don't see/hear people so that I don't have to talk to them.


I'm sure there's lots more, but that's all I can think of.


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## slurpazillia

---


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## JeffreyCentex

Quite a few of these ring true...

We couldn't hide out in the bathrooms during lunch. Basically, we were herded into one wing of the school and couldn't leave it without detention. Plus the bathroom had no stalls of any type (boys room - the girls room had stalls, but no doors), so there was nowhere to hide and sulk. That sucked...

In college, I would set my alarm clock to wake me up at 3:00 in the morning everyday so I could go to the bathroom and shower, brush teeth, etc. I lived in a dorm that had communal bathrooms (it was all guys, but still) and a single pipe with three showerheads - no curtains or anything else. I couldn't handle that. I was too self-conscious. What was weird that when I took PE or worked out, it was not a problem..

I eat my lunch in my office with my door locked or eat out in my vehicle in the parking lot.

I locked myself in the AC closet to hide from someone looking for me (@ work)..

When I got my first apartment, my neighbors were EXTREMELY social (parties, bar-b-ques, drinks). It made me very uncomfortable. So I made it a point to get back to my apartment before 6 in the evenings or stay on campus and chill until 1 or 2 AM just to avoid them. 

One weekend (about two years ago), I was supposed to go to a football game with friends. That particular weekend, my SA was so bad that I pretended to be stuck in traffic and went to the park and stared at the stars for 4 hours while ignoring my phone.

In college (I was in the band), I was very phobic of going to the bathroom on the bus. Which made 18~20 hour bus trips very uncomfortable. 

It sucks with what we put ourselves through to cope with our anxiety.


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## DaphneDescends

I once sat in my car during the whole break in between my classes (even though it was a really hot day and I could have gone to the student building with a/c ) so I wouldn't have to interact with anyone and I ended up with quite the sunburn on my arm because of it.


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## vintagerocket

I hid in the bathroom at lunch all of eighth grade. Rather than making it excruciatingly obvious to everyone in there that I was a complete loser, I had a system: enter stall, wait, open stall, wash hands, dry (while everyone else leaves), repeat.

And today I walked home in the pouring rain cause I couldn't make myself walk through a crowd of kids to get to where my dad was parked.


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## staceypie

Wow...reading some of these has brought back some memories. I can so relate to not eating in the cafeteria in highschool, for about 2 years I would go to the library & sneak in food, I had like 2 other social outcast friends who started doing it first & I just eventually followed. We found all the judging eyes, snickering, laughing was too much & this was our refuge. It was peaceful.

I also have hidden in a closet at work, I found everyone too overwhelming & just sat in this dark supply closet for a couple hours. Wish I could move my desk in there, work would be so much nicer if I didn't have to deal with annoying, loud, bossy, nosey coworkers. I find dark, small, inclosed places can be comforting for some reason. 

I've eaten in my car. Years ago I started a temp job & was too nervous to eat with everyone else.

I don't keep in contact with friends & family hardly at all for fear they will want more from me. Like calling all the time & wanting to hang out. 

When people knock on my door & I'm the only one there I will very carefully see who it is & then go and hide in the other room until they leave so they don't think I'm home.


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## viper1651

I remember i raised my hand to go to the bathroom several times through different classes whenever there was something like an reading out of book going on, or presenting or something like that. 

I had to do a presentation with a group of 2 other kids...but asked for a pass from my counselor for that time earlier that day just so i could avoid it.


lol and all through 1st-6th grade...there was ALWAYS a comment something along the lines of "too shy" or "doesn't participate" on my report card


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## p826wn

avoidance. we know how to that really well


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## Hit_the_Lights

- throughout my whole 4 years in high school I went to the lunch room only a handful of time, the rest I spent in the library or any other place I could find. 

- I would actually fake sickness to get out of having to go to school or do a presentation, I had an average of like 20 absences per year

- gym, i hated it, especially dodgeball, I would hide behind the bleachers or in the locker room.

- sometimes on the bus when the bell didn't work to signal for a stop you would have to scream out "next stop" to the bus driver, but I would wait for someone else to scream it out for their stop and I would end up walking back 2-3 stops. Still do this from time to time.


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## GURLWONDER

Njodis said:


> So check it out. I used to live in the dorms and we only had shared washrooms for everyone on the floor. I used to just @#%$ in a cup and pour it down the sink because I was too scared that someone would see me and say something to me if I left my room.
> 
> I'd like to see someone beat that.


You should scroll back towards the beggining of this thread. What you see might just suprise you. You aren't as "weird" as you think!


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## algabal

So many bad memories. Here are a few:
- Faked sick about one day out of the week from 1st grade to 12th grade. Can't believe I passed.
- Would hold in my need to go to the bathroom for hours and hours at school. This happened for years until I finally talked to the nurse and she let me use her bathroom. I can't believe I suffered all of that time for no reason.
- I had brought about $50 I had gotten for my birthday into a CD/DVD store. I accidentally dropped $25 (I don't remember how) on the floor. I didn't notice. One of the sales staff then said, "Someone dropped some money, if it's yours and you can guess about how much it is, come up." I was mortified. I just bought one CD and quietly left without claiming the money. I pretended nothing happened.
- I stayed in the library every day during school lunch. When a class was in there, and all the tables were occupied, I would just walk around the hallways circling around the school until one of the tables was clear and I'd sit down. It was hell.
- I waited until I was 18 to get my license because of horrible fear of taking driving lessons after a bad experience with a teacher.
- Even though I had no friends, and really would have liked to listen to music to pass the time, I never brought headphones and a CD player to school because I was afraid someone would ask what I'm listening to or make fun of me for not having the 'right' headphones.
- When I started Gym in High School, I used to change in a stall in the locker room. The stall was so pathetic, the door barely even closed. It was humiliating. They started throwing toilet paper at me after a few days and began making fun of me. I finally gave up and told the teacher what happened, she humiliated me by getting every boy in class together and yelling at them. I then STILL had to change but I had to do in a private bathroom... but I had to every single day ask the gym teacher for a KEY to use the bathroom to change! I can't believe I survived that year.


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## Squizzy

I will buy new stuff and not wear or use it in case someone notices something different. Also I fear leaving the house after getting my hair cut because people might notice and comment. And fearing when they announce your birthday in case people in class notice and make a fuss :hide


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## Bittersweet

Wow I haven't done things as drastic as you guys have but here goes...

Hide my music taste from mom and she thinks i listen to death metal and acid rock cause my sister told her i do and it's not true but I don't want her to listen to my music for fear of judgment.

Won't talk about guys or show interest in them and she thinks i'm a homosexual and wants to take me to a christain psycologist or psyciatrist (i don't know the difference) and thinks i must have been raped cause of the lack of interest and the way i don't want hugs and kisses from her (i'm a teen now and i don't want them plus she annoys me) but i won't tell her i have a boyfriend cause she is going to be like you need to marry a mormon former missionary blah blah and not feel he is good enough for me which would devestate me plus i don't discuss anything private with her... too afraid of being judged by her.

WHen I go out and a sales person or anyone else seems to be talking to me i pretend i didn't hear cause I'm afraid she isn't really talking to me and i'll embarras myself.

when my mom tries to get me to go out somewhere I say i don't want to go and she thinks i'm anti social which hurts my feelings but i don't want her to know i'm afraid of going out.

I'm homeschooled and haven't had a friend in person where I live in years. Not a single aquaintence. everytime i go outside to get the mail or something i'll go around my apartment complex to avoid someone seeing me. I'll pretend i'm busy by tying the trash bag or looking at my down at my psp if a neighbor is going up the steps at the same time as me.


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## ColdFury

> So check it out. I used to live in the dorms and we only had shared washrooms for everyone on the floor. I used to just @#%$ in a cup and pour it down the sink because I was too scared that someone would see me and say something to me if I left my room.
> 
> I'd like to see someone beat that.


Been there, done that


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## korey

algabal said:


> So many bad memories. Here are a few:
> - Faked sick about one day out of the week from 1st grade to 12th grade. Can't believe I passed.
> - Would hold in my need to go to the bathroom for hours and hours at school.
> - I stayed in the library every day during school lunch. When a class was in there, and all the tables were occupied, I would just walk around the hallways circling around the school until one of the tables was clear and I'd sit down. It was hell.
> - I waited until I was 18 to get my license because of horrible fear of driving.
> - Even though I had no friends, and really would have liked to listen to music to pass the time, I never brought headphones and a CD player to school because I was afraid someone would ask what I'm listening to or make fun of me for not having the 'right' headphones.


You and I are basically twins in this thread


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## algabal

korey said:


> You and I are basically twins in this thread


At least we can laugh about all this stuff now.


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## AlekParker

Restless Mind said:


> Eat alone in the library instead of the cafeteria. Then I got caught and just fasted the entire day at school from then on.
> 
> I would take the long way back to my locker to avoid the main hallway.
> 
> Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.
> 
> My best friend used to park his car in my driveway because I lived close to school. As soon as school let out, I'd rush home to get there before him so I could hide and avoid being asked to go out. Sometimes he'd come into the house calling my name, looking to find me, but he never did. (Didn't check behind the couch).
> 
> My first year in college, my roommate used to go home on the weekends (thank god, he was so social), so I used to lock the door not leave my dorm until Sunday night. On Sunday, I would get on my bike and ride to the student center where I could do homework and avoid running into him when he came back.
> 
> I used to always go to bed early in the dorms, too. Everyone on my floor thought I was weird for that.


Damn you guys did that too? I used to eat in the library a lot in college and i'd always take my food to go from the dining hall because i dreaded it!!

I also used to purposly be late for every class just because i didn't like small talk before class and i'd also get to get to sit in the very back of the class!!

ughhh


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## AlekParker

ColdFury said:


> So check it out. I used to live in the dorms and we only had shared washrooms for everyone on the floor. I used to just @#%$ in a cup and pour it down the sink because I was too scared that someone would see me and say something to me if I left my room.
> 
> I'd like to see someone beat that.
> 
> 
> 
> Been there, done that
Click to expand...

lol i've done that too ops :spit

i've been reading this and i've pretty much done most of the above at some point in my life!!! i didn't think there could possibly be people who did the exact avoidance things that i did lol!!


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## Skroderider

Whenever I have to go somewhere and have some time to spare, I usually end up going on foot and taking a long route through distant parts of the city. I used to do that to think about things I had done recently. Now, however, I've got a digital camera, so I have both an excuse to continue my walks and something to do instead of overanalyzing various meaningless events :lol


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## TomB

I have walked out of numerous jobs because my anxiety got the best of me. YOu know the old "fight or flight" syndrome. I guess not a fighter here. It started in my teens. I would get a job and work for maybe one day and then dart, slowly I worked my way down one of the busiest streets in my town having worked for just about every company on the street. No problem getting them, just keeping one was the problem. I managed to keep one job for 10 years, a miracle but after leaving it the whole anxious feelings started again. I walked out of 2 jobs one after only a week and the second after 3 months, both paid 6 figures. I was not able to cope and then settled for less paying jobs with little responsibility working in a place that mostly employed minorities. For some reason I am not anxious around minorities. It has taken 3 years of some intense therapy and really working and confronting SA head on and I am just now feeling I can hanlde a career again, but that "what if" lingers something awful. College for me was during that 10 years of working full time and going to school and I never felt anxious, thankfully, but the thought now of doing it again or how I made it, perplexes me.

Tom B


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## kaila

In college I dropped this photography class that I was really excited about and had looked forward to for the longest time because all the other students in the class already knew each other, and it made me feel really left out. Also the professor would randomly call on people during the entire class so I was just wishing all the time he wouldn't ask me anything.

We had a, b and c lunches at our high school. Everyone who took psychology 4th period had a-lunch. I really liked my psychology class and it was something I had always wanted to take. But because none of my friends had a-lunch I switched from psychology to a boring computer course just so I could have b-lunch with my friends.

If none of my friends where around to have lunch with I'd sit and wait in the bathroom during the break.

At my work I used to go for a walk during breaks (now I usually sit in the staff-room)

If I'm late for a class/seminar whatever and the door is already closed (even if I'm only 5 seconds late) I don't go in anymore because I'm scared everybody will stare at me.


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## ShineForever

-I had to stay at college for Fall break last semester, and I did not leave my dorm except for one time (when someone was coming with me) because I had this fear that my key card wouldn't work when I tried to come back in and I'd have to go find a security person. I lived off of oreos, popcorn, and ramen (it sucked).
-I never tell anyone I'm a vegetarian because they always ask me why and say "so what _do _you eat?" Also, because I fear that I'll accidentally eat meat, and if they don't know I'm a vegetarian it won't be embarassing.
-And just today I had signed up with my friends to go to this Pakistani cafe to hear about their mission work, but I ducked out because I knew they would only serve stuff with meat in it and I would look weird refusing to eat anything.
-I too will not go to the cafeteria by myself. I will go with my friends, but if no one is going I just stay in my room and let them assume I went.
-In some ways I do more social things because of my anxiety. If my friends want to go somewhere I usually go because I'm too afraid to say no.
Like, I'll go with them to the cafeteria because it would look even more weird to stay in my room all the time. So basically it's choosing one anxiety provoking situation over another so I won't look odd.


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## LiquidClear

Wow, no less than 10 times did I sort of jump, point at the screen and go "yes!" because it was something I definitely had done.

During one semester my sophomore year I did the hide in the bathroom thing. However, I had it down to a science. I had my watch set to EXACTLY the same time as the school clock. I had it set up to where I would leave about 10-15 seconds before lunch would end so no one would see me leaving the bathroom everyday. I used my time savvy to conveniently arrive and leave at the proper times every day as well.


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## grumpybear

Even if I really liked a guy who asked me out, I would lie and say that I was busy or that I was seeing someone already. That would really make me sad later, because I always wondered what it could have been like if I wasn't so scared. I just knew I'd screw it up again or make myself sick.

I stopped using the answering machine a few years ago, because if someone calls and I'm not ready to talk, at least they can't leave me a message. :hide 

I have dial-up, and I sometimes go on the internet when I think someone is going to call me. That way I don't even know if they called, so I don't have to return a call. :hide 

When I would go out with a guy on a date and he'd want to know if I was hungry, I would lie and say that I already ate even if I hadn't. Or I would purposefully eat something before I went. I dated this one guy for months without going out to dinner with him. I was a cheap date. :lol Boy, did I miss out on some great dinners. 

I wanted to take a friend of mine a birthday gift, but I was too nervous to make plans with her. I was afraid she'd want to have some major get-together. So, I waited until I felt relatively free of anxiety, and my mom and I drove past her house to see if she was there before I called her to see if I could bring her her presents. The thing was she was sitting on a chair outside her house when we drove by. It was a dead-end street, so we had to turn around and go past again. I literally hid down in the seat so she didn't see me. I didn't want to make plans unless I felt okay by the time we got home, and I called her. She didn't say anything about it, but she had to have realized it was me, and thought it was bizarre. I just can't plan things like that, because then I have to do it. If I decide at the last minute, then it's because I feel that I will be okay. Otherwise, I worry about it until it happens. I'm so complicated. Why can't I just make plans with someone and do something? 

Last New Years, a friend of mine and I had talked about getting together for New Years. Neither one of us love the holiday, but we needed to give each other our Christmas presents. So, I talked to him that day, and I was all sick feeling because I didn't know if I could handle the plans we had kinda made. So, I told him that I didn't feel that well and that maybe we'd get together some other time. When I got off the phone and talked to my mom about it, she made me realize that I would be depressed and feel guilty if I didn't have my friend over. So, I called him right back and asked him if he still wanted to come over. It was so awkward. I told him that I changed my mind. He had to have thought I was crazy, but I just used the excuse that I hate New Year's, which he already knew. Again here I am being ultra-complicated. At least we laughed about it, and we had a good time. I was anxious here and there throughout the night, but I survived. 

I went through a period of time where I had to listen to a certain cd before an anxiety prone situation. The music helped me. It had to be that cd. One time in the car, my dad didn't want that cd playing because he was sick of it. I freaked out.

Oh, and when I go to stores, I am always on the look out. If I see someone that I know who would want to talk to me and ask me what I'm up to, I will hide. :hide

Oh, here's another. I avoided work Christmas parties. Twice I did go, but I went after the dinner part. I figured I couldn't keep doing this, because they would wonder what was wrong with me. So instead, the next couple years I just didn't go at all. The thing was, I had no problem eating with these same people in the break room. It was part of my routine, and I was used to it. I still can't figure it out, though. I'd get all nervous for the parties. 

Wow, I have a lot of oddities. :b


----------



## eyedlemon

yeah


----------



## rachelee

Well most of mine are work-related:

-I stay late at work to avoid running into people on the elevator
-I stay late to finish my work (especially when it involves using the printer or copier or going to the supply room) because I want to avoid running into people
-I have spent my own money on office supplies because I don't know how to order them at work and am too afraid to ask (plus, the lady who handles it doesn't like me, I think )
-I spent my own money printing a document at Kinko's because the color printer in the office is right next to the kitchen and a birthday party was going on
-I hide in the bathroom all the time
-this morning, I was invited to join a bunch of people for lunch after they finished some type of conference or meeting; I contemplated eating a bunch of cinnamon altoids (they make my nose run) and then pretending I had a cold and asking if I could go home early to avoid having lunch. I decided to not be a wimp and went to the lunch. 
-I eat lunch away from the office (in my car) because the microwave is in the kitchen and there are always people in there
-I pretend I have plans whenever I'm invited to a happy hour. Once, when my boss invited me to a happy hour, I actually called my office phone using my cell phone so my boss would overhear me answering the phone and think I was talking to a friend about our plans that night. (god, that's embarrassing.)
-I have avoided talking to various people on the phone by just not answering - both in my personal and professional lives - and then making an excuse. 
-I recently went home for Xmas for the 1st time in 6-7 years; I've been avoiding the anxiety of being around my big family.
-I won't go out in the hallway of my apartment if I hear any noise. 
-When I am coming home, if I am walking up to the elevator of my apartment building and someone else gets in, I'll reroute myself to check my mail so I don't have to ride the elevator with them. I often wind up riding with other people anyway so it doesn't do any good. 
-When I take my car to the mechanic, I call a cab to take me to and from work and the dealership because I'm too afraid to ask a co-worker even though it's only about a mile away from my office.


----------



## embers

On break at school i'll just go to the bathroom and wash my hands over and over to kill time and look busy. 

I put the sun visor down in my car even at night to try and hide from other drivers. 

Wear sun glasses to avoid eye contact.

Put on extra blush to try and hide my real blush (this has never worked and sometimes I make myself look like a clown). ops


----------



## Dove

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



rachelee said:


> -I won't go out in the hallway of my apartment if I hear any noise.


I do that too. I also let my parents check the mail because I don't want to run into anyone in our apartment. When I _am _about to go out though, I go back in when I hear someone opening their door. Then I listen carefully and look through the peep hole to make sure the coast is clear. :lol

When I go to church, I'm always careful about my timing because the priest that isn't doing the mass stands by the entrance to greet people, about ten minutes before mass starts. I go earlier just to avoid that. _And _so that my mom and I could park in the church lot so that I don't have to walk in front of cars coming my direction if we were to park far away. I also try to leave the same time a big crowd is leaving because the priest who does the mass stands by the exit. I'd rather not say hi to them because I don't want them to notice/know me.


----------



## Halcyon

I don't go to the Cafeteria in College...too many people...too spontaneous...possibility for embarrassment or attention

I sit in the library usually and stare out the window

I left my recent lab class because I didn't know anybody and I felt confused...just walked right out...felt like i was going to give up completely that day actually glad I'm sticking around

I don't go to the bathroom during class even if I have to go real bad lol

After class if i do go to the bathroom and theres someone in the bathroom I'll usually wash my hands first to make it look like i came to actually do something, dry my hands then leave...if its empty i'll use the stalls...urinals are iffy


----------



## fictionz

i won't go eat or buy anything to eat if i didn't have a friend to accompany me... too much anxiety when i get to a cafe if i was there alone. it'd be a lot better to have a friend with me, although it doesn't completely eliminate the anxiety i feel.

i'd walk around the library pretending to look for books when i was actually looking for someone i know that i can probably sit with and study/read books together. if i don't see anyone, i'd probably just leave the library.


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



rachelee said:


> Well most of mine are work-related: .......................


first of all, that is quite a list. did all those things pop into your head quickly or did you have to think about it?

secondly, your list makes me want to be your work-friend. Lunch partners, somebody for you to talk to during the day without being all anxious,etc. You need a good friend over there. If i knew someone at work was doing those things to avoid interaction, id try to help them out and ease them into normalcy (as far as their work life is concerned at least.)


----------



## instil

grumpybear said:


> I went through a period of time where I had to listen to a certain cd before an anxiety prone situation. The music helped me. It had to be that cd.


 opcorn may i ask what cd?


----------



## lotto

.


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



lotto said:


> At breaktimes in school, I hide in a toilet cubicle and time myself to make sure I stay in there for at least 2-3 minutes if it's a full toilet, but if it's pretty quiet I'll try to stay in there as long as possible still, but then eventually walk out and go to different toilet. If I go to one of the smaller toilets, ie. with only three cubicles or so, usually there's only one other person or so..so I go in, wait for them to go out and then I flush the toilet and run to another cubicle so it looks like I've left and someone different is in the other cubicle if that person comes in again. I can only do that if I know they haven't seen my face, though.


toilet cubicle?! Is that what they have in the Executive bathrooms at Fortune 500 companies? :duck I call it a stall, and........ also I'm just messing around with you, for the record.

To get back to your thing you do....why do you need to do that? Seems like you are taking more of a risk by stall-jumping from one to the other.

Better to lean against the wall reading a book or whatever during breaktime, than to have someone see you standing in stall 1, flushing, peeking your head out, and sneaking over to stall 4. You are making things more difficult and nerve-wracking than they need to be,seriously.

The 'walk-run' you do.....THAT was funny. What i did (and sometimes unconsciously revert back to) is if I'm standing alone in public, like if im waiting for someone, or if i feel many eyes on me when i walk in somewhere....a bar or office, for example..i do this stupid ish:

i'll be standing there, trying to stand normal, make a _normal face_ haha
then ill notice stares (or imagine them) so I act like i just remebered something ----> :shock then start digging in my pockets like im actually looking for something important. And since its not in my pocket (because it DOESNT EXIST) i have to leave the room to go gather my important paper or whatever it is i apparently need. (good thing no one ever said 'what did you lose?' I'd be scrambling for an excuse)

If i notice im about to do it, or im feeling nervousness setting in..i try to chill out and calm down. I dont want to be associated with a pattern of entering a room, saying 'ohno' to myself, then frantically digging in my pockets for this imaginary-nothingness. pathetic


----------



## topaz07

I never realized I had Social Anxiety but reading threads and doing the online tests and stuff Im beginning to think that I do have it to a degree. In a way im glad if i do because then at least its not an isolated thing and im not completely weird and im not the only one dealing with it. It’s not full blown but still enough to bother me and get in the way of things. I guess a lot the things I do has just become second nature and I don’t think twice anymore. In high school I was lucky to have a good close knit group of friends so I never had to eat alone or anything like that, but even so I was always paranoid that they liked each other better than me. I guess it hits me in waves. For lengths of time I could be fine and feel really confident but then I get the lows where I do neurotic things .

-	Travel an hour to attend a seminar only to leave and return home when I find out that I am late because I don’t want everyone’s attention on me when I walk in late.
-	Travel an hour to work on a project, leave when I am left waiting for 30 minutes because I feel nervous. When I leave the building and see others waiting out the front I’m too shy to join then and travel an hour home
-	Skipped countless classes/lectures because I don’t want to walk in late
-	Agreed to go to a party of a gathering etc.. driven all the way there (sometimes after have taken the night off work) then get too nervous to go in because I don’t know them all that well and go home
-	Get invited to parties, functions, bbq’s etc but don’t go because I will only know one or two people there who are there with their partners and know more people there.
-	Never spoke up in class in high school even when I knew the answers. ( although when I hit university in certain classes where I was friends with most of the ppl I could)
-	When working on an outdoors event ( I work in events and similar type of things) that I was new to didn’t know where to sit in the break time so just kept walking to my car and pretended to be on the phone
-	Calling people that I don’t know (and even sometimes those that I do know) makes me quite nervous. I’ve missed out on job opportunities because I cant call or approach people
-	I frequently snob people I know (from work, clubs etc) when I see them out because I don’t want to approach them
-	Have trouble talking to authority figures (feel really intimidated) and at work the long way round so that I don’t need to pass the management office to get to my area
-	As my lectures at university were really early morning and I had to travel an hour sometimes more to get there I often skipped breakfast and was worried that my stomach would rumble in the lecture so I would suck my stomach in and dig my nails into my arm or stomach nervously. Sometimes my entire stomach would be covered in scratches
-	- Would fake feeling sick at this event thing I was working on the set for as I was supposed to grab a prop that was stage which would mean stepping out in front of thousands of people!
-	I do a lot of artwork (painting etc) whenever I put it into an local exhibit or something I fake being sick of having somewhere to be because I cannot stand to watch anyone seeing my artwork and criticizing it.
... sorry for the long ramble :fall


----------



## topaz07

I also get the mirror one. Cant touch up my make-up or hair in the aekup in a public bathroom as I think that other women in thier would loko donw on me. Usually i leave and come back later or pretend to wash my hands or use the hand dryer till they leave


----------



## Tandy

I stayed in the same school district for most of my life and one day during 10th grade, my English teacher told us that "tomorrow we're going to get into groups and start a project." And the word "group" totally freaked me out, as always...and when my mom picked me up after school, I told her that I wanted to change schools..Which was good for her because we lived in a different town anyways and it was a shorter drive for her..

When I started the new school, it got even worse for me. I was terrified on my first day and when the lunch hour came, I couldn't even look in the direction of the cafeteria..so I sat in the bathroom every day until I dropped out..thankfully I have a mother who "kinda" had these problems when she was younger so I had someone to text message..

I've only had two jobs so far..Burger King and McDonalds. Burger King really wasn't that bad and I think my boss felt sorry for me so he made me work in the back and even helped me get to know some of the other workers..but McDonalds was a nightmare..They made me cashier and NO ONE helped me or showed me how to use it so I had been yelled at quite a few times by customers..The next day, I hid in the dining area and swept the floor for eight hours..If they noticed, they didn't say anything. The next day I quit


----------



## TheRob

Fortunately, no one really wanted to sit next to me in the cafeteria, so I could eat in peace. I ate as quickly as possible, then retreated to the library. Concealment under the gym bleachers also works. By 11th grade, I had a car, so I could eat in the driver's seat. In college, I would spend the time between classes in the science fiction portion of the library "stacks."

Also in college, I had a job with the university's distance learning operation. I would purposefully arrive two hours early, lock the doors, use the equipment to either watch movies or play music, and relax. I set an alarm so I would know when to unlock the doors and allow all those pesky students in. Another college job required me to paint dormitory rooms and resurface the furniture. I would quickly finish a job, then scurry for the roof. I could see 20 miles on a clear day from the roof.

I have also turned around on the way to a social gathering because of unfamiliarity.

I am a master at hiding. If 30-year-olds played hide-and-seek, I would do very well.


----------



## tewstroke

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



topaz07 said:


> I also get the mirror one. Cant touch up my make-up or hair in the aekup in a public bathroom as I think that other women in thier would loko donw on me. Usually i leave and come back later or pretend to wash my hands or use the hand dryer till they leave


I do the exact same thing for the same reasons. Or if I do look when other people around it's very quick.


----------



## Zephyr

> Fortunately, no one really wanted to sit next to me in the cafeteria, so I could eat in peace. I ate as quickly as possible, then retreated to the library. Concealment under the gym bleachers also works. By 11th grade, I had a car, so I could eat in the driver's seat. In college, I would spend the time between classes in the science fiction portion of the library "stacks."


That reminds me of myself. In high school I eventually stopped eating lunch all together, and spent the whole lunch hour in the library. On one of my summer jobs during university, there were a lot of students there who would sit together during lunch. I, of course, had to steal away to my car (actually technically my parents' car). I would drive to some nearby location and eat lunch in the front seat. I did that every weekday for about three months. What fun.


----------



## emptybottle

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*

In all 4 years of high school, I never ate in the cafeteria, and snuck my lunch into the library. You're not allowed to have food in there, and I got countless stern warnings from the librarians. I'd go in the caf to buy food every day, and I'd never seen anyone sitting alone.
It's totally acceptable to eat lunch alone in the college cafeteria, thank god. 


instil said:


> lotto said:
> 
> 
> 
> At breaktimes in school, I hide in a toilet cubicle and time myself to make sure I stay in there for at least 2-3 minutes if it's a full toilet, but if it's pretty quiet I'll try to stay in there as long as possible still, but then eventually walk out and go to different toilet. If I go to one of the smaller toilets, ie. with only three cubicles or so, usually there's only one other person or so..so I go in, wait for them to go out and then I flush the toilet and run to another cubicle so it looks like I've left and someone different is in the other cubicle if that person comes in again. I can only do that if I know they haven't seen my face, though.
> 
> 
> 
> toilet cubicle?! Is that what they have in the Executive bathrooms at Fortune 500 companies?  :duck I call it a stall, and........ also I'm just messing around with you, for the record.
Click to expand...

 :lol I heard British people at school call it a toilet cubicle once and I thought it was cute.


----------



## Hushed*Girl

Usually I go to the library for lunch everyday and do homework, study, or just be bored. I know that people have noticed this because I see a group of students I know who sit together and study every lunch period. Also, the librarian told the school counselor about it. I used to sit with people at lunch, but I saw no point in going anymore for I never talked, and sometimes there wasn't enough space at the table for me.


----------



## lotto

.


----------



## sadnalone

Well on friday and saturday nights i sometimes put on my aim away messgae " out for the night with my peeps be back late!" i had no peeps let alone friends lol. I am just too scared to as kpeople to do stuff on the weekend because im a fat aand shy girl.


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



tewstroke said:


> topaz07 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I also get the mirror one. Cant touch up my make-up or hair in the aekup in a public bathroom as I think that other women in thier would loko donw on me. Usually i leave and come back later or pretend to wash my hands or use the hand dryer till they leave
> 
> 
> 
> I do the exact same thing for the same reasons. Or if I do look when other people around it's very quick.
Click to expand...

What about us? Somehow it became socially acceptable for men to stand inches away from another men, shoulders damn near touching, peeing in the damn urinals. Theres not even a seperator there for a tiny bit of privacy. 
How did this idea ever become assimilated into our "civilized" society?


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



lotto said:


> Oh, and I do that pretending to remember something to, haha. Also, if I'm walking alone and I see someone I know (or in some cases, someone I don't know), I'll pretend I'm looking for someone, like I'll tilt my head to the side round the nearest corner or whatever and then do an exaggerated sigh as if I'm annoyed that they're late or whatever. I'll also look at my watch persistently to add to the "effect". :um
> 
> I must look like the biggest loser, because on my lunch-time-walks-around-random-places I often pass by the same people and I try to make it look like I'm STILL looking (ten minutes later). :sigh


*dead*

HAHAHA, i could have written that word for word, right down to the fake sigh (but hey....you have to really sell it, you know)

The other part is sad but true too....how many consecutive days can i misplace something important and dart out of the room. 
"What can he be up to? whats so urgent? Why doesnt he ever learn that _its_ not in his pocket, it never is, yet thats the first place he searches everyday" SOMEONE has had to think that to themselves by now.


----------



## Sny

My mom left me $20 to order a pizza with because there was no food in the house.

Lets just say I was hungry that night : (


----------



## odd_one_out

Sny said:


> My mom left me $20 to order a pizza with because there was no food in the house.
> 
> Lets just say I was hungry that night : (


I've done that too. :um


----------



## string_piano

I never pose for cameras, and avoid having my picture taken as much as possible, especially in public.
If I start going the wrong way in the university, instead of turning around and going the correct direction, I take a longer route, as long as I look like I know where I'm going.
I refuse to wear hats in public, even if it's freezing outside. I don't even think of changing my hairstyle, which I've had since I was little, even though I'm always told I should.

Those were mainly things that I don't do, not do....but people think it's weird that I don't do them/hate doing them.


----------



## lone_ranger

-Used to eat lunch at work in my car instead of the breakroom.
-Took breaks in the bathroom instead of the breakroom.



oversad said:


> I got dropped off at school and alot of days simply went in the entrance door, walked all the way down the hall, and straight out the back door and then slowly walked home lol. I missed alot of school especially my junior and senior years.


You have *no* idea. (I'm a little bit jaded)...After a while it became a challenge. I was *going *for 50% absence time. I got between 40-50% one year...I graduated in the top 10% (it's a comment on the state of education and a comment on some of the people in it I guess)--Then when I went to college (in and out for many years--yeah kinda like a mental insitution hehe) I would sigh a sigh of relief when the syllabus would say the words "Attendance is not mandatory but"......something about it being "*highly recommended*":mum...I got to see many good movies. graduated with almost 4 majors :-( but hey....at least I'm well rounded. :lol..and now I'm a big loser! Doh! I'm optimistic tho.


----------



## rachelee

> first of all, that is quite a list. did all those things pop into your head quickly or did you have to think about it?


That list poured itself out in about 3 minutes.



> secondly, your list makes me want to be your work-friend.


Aw, you're a sweetie. My list does look a little sad, doesn't it? :b I've always engaged in avoidant behavior to some degree but have also always managed to make at least one friend at each job until I started this job 10 months ago. There's just no one here at this company I "click" with and I don't feel I really belong with this group of people (lots of extroverts) so I go out of my way to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable. But don't feel too sorry for me - I work with a lot of nice people. I don't fit in with them but I also don't feel like they're rejecting me or ostracizing me because of my obvious lack of social skills. I'm grateful for that. It could be so much worse.


----------



## VCL XI

Crossing small streets w/ stop signs I'll always wait for any cars waiting to turn to go instead of just walking past them.


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



VCL XI said:


> Crossing small streets I'll always wait for cars waiting to turn to go instead of just walking past them.


Thats just using your head and always putting safety first. And safety.....is what's really cool.

I could work that into a 'the more you know' NBC PSA, or an 80's GI JOE 'and knowing is half the battle!' PSA


----------



## VCL XI

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



instil said:


> VCL XI said:
> 
> 
> 
> Crossing small streets I'll always wait for cars waiting to turn to go instead of just walking past them.
> 
> 
> 
> Thats just using your head and always putting safety first. And safety.....is what's really cool.
Click to expand...

Yes, but even when they've stopped at a sign I will just wave for every car to pass me...My SA behavior often reinforces a lack of worth, and I go too out of my way to make sure I don't anger anyone at the expense of my own convenience.


----------



## instil

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



VCL XI said:


> instil said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thats just using your head and always putting safety first. And safety.....is what's really cool.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, but even when they've stopped at a sign I will just wave for every car to pass me...My SA behavior often reinforces a lack of worth, and I go too out of my way to make sure I don't anger anyone at the expense of my own convenience.
Click to expand...

well, i was joking...but I sort of understand how you feel. Mostly when i was younger, and it'd be older kids driving past...i'd do my best to not have to walk in front of the car, as they all watched me. 
(Side note: how scary were older kids when you were young?! I know im not alone with this)

Nowadays, I personally dont do what you do, i say 'eff them' and walk out in front of them. Dont worry, they stop, haha. And theres none of that fast walk-skip thing people do, so they (the drivers) know im trying to hurry for them...i dont skip for strangers. They have 8 seconds to spare.


----------



## Qolselanu

Right now I'm trying to avoid most people I might know from school from the last quarter of classes. Especially people from my Oral Communications class because they are probably wondering why I didn't show up half the time. On the plus side, I don't think I would avoid a few people from my last English and perhaps my Intro to Engineering class. In my last English class last quarter, me and these 4 other people usually worked in a group together. They generally seemed nice. (Plus I had a crush on one of them.) Well, they didn't seem so nice when they put me on the spot in front of the rest of the class when we had to present something that the various groups in class had thought about some topic. Grr. I guess they were just trying to help me talk more but jeez, I really hated that; I was not prepared at all.


----------



## aznboi719

weird things i do b.c of SA
-never speak in class
-cant speak up
-dont have a lot of friends
-never go out on weekends
-dont join any school ativities
-in constant fear of what people think of me

(this might a lil off topic)


----------



## stephanie-s

I do because of SA:
-never go to public toilets, especially in school, because they are always full and i hate, when the other girls stare at me, like im some monkey 
-i never speak in front of class, or when i do i usually lose my voice and people start laughing " :lol :lol :lol :lol "
-over-analyze
-whine about my appearance
-avoid cafes, malls, shops and places, where i have to talk with other people.
-avoid posing infront of camera.

There IS a lot more, actually. Just the ones i rememberd right now.


----------



## copper

oversad said:


> Now rather than going to the library during lunch as in high school, I sit at my desk at work during lunch and do things on my computer. I avoid the cantina area like the plague and never go out to lunch with other employees.
> 
> Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


I also didn't eat lunch starting in my Junior year. I wasn't missing much the food was terrible there. They didn't have a kitchen at the high school. They cooked the food at the Elementary school kitchen and brought it up to the HS. They put the food in big warming things and put them in big trash cans. I remember the first day of Highschool. Our school just consolidated with the school district to the north. They were a small school so they had home cooked meals that were prepared by older farm wives. They were horrified when they seen the maintainance men unloading these big trash cans and taking them into the lunch room. :lol

I also, don't eat in front of my coworkers. They use to ask me to go out to lunch with them, but I always tell them I had to run errands, etc. I usually go home for lunch.


----------



## tewstroke

aznboi719 said:


> weird things i do b.c of SA
> -never speak in class
> -cant speak up
> -dont have a lot of friends
> -never go out on weekends
> -dont join any school ativities
> -in constant fear of what people think of me
> 
> (this might a lil off topic)


That's basically me, except I'll go see a movie sometimes on the weekends with my younger brother.


----------



## bellekelly

~nervously laugh when talking with someone
~purposely avoid people I know when I'm out in public
~I hate leaving a room in fear that everyone's going to talk about me when I leave
~and pretty much everything else that has been mentioned already!!!


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## katelyn

- Whenever I'm in a room and someone comes in, I pretend to be busy so I don't have to speak. Like if I'm in the kitchen and someone comes in, I pretend to be looking in the cupboard. They must think I'm weird looking so much then never getting anything out.

- I do the thing where when I'm waiting for someone/something outside, I pretend to be looking in my bag for something. And frequently look at my watch, to make it clear that I am a normal person, just waiting for a friend...  I used to do this a lot more than I do now. Mainly because I go out less now...

- At school I used to eat lunch in the toilets. The rest of the time it was okay though, since I went to a girls school and everyone was really friendly there, so I could spend breaktimes alone without any problem.

- Always fidget with my hands or anything I have. Anything to avoid having to make eye contact.

- Never, ever, speak in class. Despite the fact that I am actually top in my class, and I know in a logical way that what I have to say should be good enough.

- Say "erm" before every sentence when I'm speaking to someone I'm not comfortable with. I have a fear of both of us talking at the same time, then I will not know who should continue. The "erm" prepares them for my sentence.

- When I've been talking to someone, and must walk away from them, I get really self-conscious that they are watching my back and judging my every step. So I walk really weirdly, people have told me, because I try too hard to walk perfectly.

- Smile and laugh nervously too much when speaking to people. I am so afraid that I will not appear friendly if I don't do that, since sometimes when I'm not smiling I get those idiots who walk by saying "don't worry, it'll never happen". :x I think I end up coming across as too eager to please and pathetic, though.

- I will walk the long way to a place to avoid people that I know.

- I will not go back in a shop if the sales assistant knows me from last time. Even if it means not getting what I want.

- Even if I am really hungry, I don't eat until I am pretty sure the kitchen is empty. If it is not, I force myself to go in anyway, but it is hard.

- If I'm late for a lecture and the door is closed, I miss it. 

- If I'm early for a lecture and there's no one there, I am never sure if it's been moved or cancelled, and don't want to end up looking stupid sitting there alone, so I also miss it.

And there are so many more things I could say...including many things others have said. Maybe I will add to the list if I think of something else significant.


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## tewstroke

katelyn said:


> - Whenever I'm in a room and someone comes in, I pretend to be busy so I don't have to speak. Like if I'm in the kitchen and someone comes in, I pretend to be looking in the cupboard. They must think I'm weird looking so much then never getting anything out.
> 
> I do that but with my locker.
> 
> - I do the thing where when I'm waiting for someone/something outside, I pretend to be looking in my bag for something. And frequently look at my watch, to make it clear that I am a normal person, just waiting for a friend...  I used to do this a lot more than I do now. Mainly because I go out less now...
> 
> - Always fidget with my hands or anything I have. Anything to avoid having to make eye contact.
> 
> - Never, ever, speak in class. Despite the fact that I am actually top in my class, and I know in a logical way that what I have to say should be good enough.
> 
> Me too, and they say you have to participate of fail.
> 
> - Say "erm" before every sentence when I'm speaking to someone I'm not comfortable with. I have a fear of both of us talking at the same time, then I will not know who should continue. The "erm" prepares them for my sentence.
> 
> - When I've been talking to someone, and must walk away from them, I get really self-conscious that they are watching my back and judging my every step. So I walk really weirdly, people have told me, because I try too hard to walk perfectly.
> 
> I think that too, mainly because through my observations I have learned that most people do talk about the person who just left the group immediately after they leave.
> 
> - Smile and laugh nervously too much when speaking to people. I am so afraid that I will not appear friendly if I don't do that, since sometimes when I'm not smiling I get those idiots who walk by saying "don't worry, it'll never happen". :x I think I end up coming across as too eager to please and pathetic, though.
> 
> - I will walk the long way to a place to avoid people that I know.
> 
> - I will not go back in a shop if the sales assistant knows me from last time. Even if it means not getting what I want.
> 
> - Even if I am really hungry, I don't eat until I am pretty sure the kitchen is empty. If it is not, I force myself to go in anyway, but it is hard.
> 
> Me too, especially during holidays...relatives. :afr


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## Jamie is friendless

I eat alone.

Avoid shopping at malls because I feel as if others are watching and saying things as I walk by. Paranoid, I know.

Depending on the time and day, if I have to go to the convenience store, I will sometimes not go to the one that is closet to me if a clerk will recognize me.

I won't call my credit card company to attempt to lower my interest rate. Even though I maybe could lower it because of my credit, I fear having to negotiate and hassle.

When something is troubling or depressing me, I keep it in. I have a sister that I know loves me and will listen to me, but I fear I am bothering her if I tell her my problems, not to mention fearing that she may believe I am a weak person. 

Having to sell a car because I have to meet strangers that are interested and talking and answering questions about the car. So, instead of getting money for my car, the car just sits in a garage.

Never speaking up when I am in a group. If the topic is something that I know extremely well, I still won't say a thing. I am not the most articulate person in the world.


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## KatieLouise

It is _such_ a relief to realise that other people do irregular things because of SA!

I only ever go to do my laundry when it's dark.

I take my glasses off when I go to clubs or bars, because it tricks me into thinking that if I can't see people, they can't see me.

If I'm meeting someone, I have to know exactly where they'll be - I couldn't just 'meet at the train station' because I'm paranoid about not seeing people and looking like an idiot.

I used to spend my lunch hour in the library or playing with the school pets when I was in high school. When I had a part time job I would go and sit in my car for my lunch rather than go near the canteen.

If I don't know where a lecture or seminar is going to be held, I don't go. I'd sooner miss it than have to ask someone where it is in person, or worse, walk around looking for the right place.

If I'm waiting for someone to turn up, I'll bit my nails, mess with my phone or mp3 player, even pretend to be on the phone, so people don't make eye contact or talk to me.

If I look a mess (in pyjamas or a dressing gown etc), I'll pretend not to be in if someone knocks on the door.

When guys come up to me in clubs or bars, I just mutter excuses or scuttle off, even if I think they're cute.

I won't go into unfamiliar places alone. If I was in the car with someone and they said 'just nip into that shop and get some eggs', I couldn't do it. If I'm in shops I know and can't find what I need, I won't ask, I'll just grab something else and get out before people look at me and think I'm too stupid to find what I want.


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## nesteroff

Hide in my house, afraid to leave. 

Can't go to school or get a job.  Sabotage anything good that might happen.

Get depressed. Look forward to dying. Think, "at least I'll die eventually." :cry 

I guess that's weird. It's definitely not "normal." 

On a smaller scale, I can't answer the door. I don't make a sound in case my neighbors might hear me. 

Overall, waste my youth, and ultimately my life. :sigh


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## la extrana

My weird habits have been pretty well-stated by other members' posts, but something I find myself doing (that I HATE but I can't help) is constantly scrutinizing people's facial reactions to my comments. 

Also, I don't like seeing people that I'm interested in being friends with more than once a week. If I have a positive interaction with them I want that interaction to remain fresh in their minds, lest I taint their image of me. Another reason for this is I'm afraid that people will get sick of me if they see me all of the time. 

Also, I'm so socially anxious that I have trouble posting on message boards! I've been a message board lurker for like 6 years now.


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## westpark

I was supposed to attend dinner with a girlfriend's family one year and I called her at the last minute and told her that my car was blocked in. I just totally panicked. It was my first time meeting her family and she was always trying to show off to her family and everyone around her. I wasnt up to meeting anyone that night especially a large group of people where I was the only stranger. 

I walked a few miles to a bus stop one night instead of asking for a ride from a co-woker. 

I usually map out details of any upcoming events from location to activities and who's coming.


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## Beem

Wow! All these things other people wrote describe my own behavior to a t! I basically spent most of life thinking it was just me.


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## Chris435435

korey said:


> I did the whole cafeteria disappearing act, too. Only in my junior and senior year, though. I would go to the library and sit in a chair until it was time for the next class. During my senior year, I would skip days where I had to give reports or presentations (or merely read orally). Can't stand any of it at all.


Yeah, I skipped out on oral presentations in my spanish class. I got penalized for that and of course... the teacher was very angry.

Today, I also approached this girl that I've avoided for the longest time. I think that counts as strange because it's like of all days, why did I gather up the courage to talk to her now? I think that might be how she felt.


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## angel_7745

I used to fake every illness I could think of to get out of going to school. Now I make it a point not to lie about anything since I used to do it so much. 

~Christina~


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## tomcoldaba

I don't answer the phone because my friend is calling to go out to dinner. I don't want to tell him "no".


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## senrab

- went to the art room instead of the cafeteria in high school
- I still won't go to a hairdresser, I will have my sister or neighbor cut my hair
- still a virgin at 26 and never have had a boyfriend


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## Mr. SandMan

i always go to the bathroom to be alone when im out somewhere

splash my face with water in the sink so i can 'cool' down

i am constantly moving around, i try not to sit if i can stand instead


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## LetsDisco54

I never eat at school. I'm always scared that the food will disagree with me and I'll get sick in class or something, which will cause way too much attention to me. 

I had social anxiety so bad in the 9th grade, that I never went to school and I failed.


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## crash911

- I'm avoiding lunch right now (I feel like such a loser). I'm in one of the computer labs, because I couldn't get a library pass today.

- I avoid talking to people during gym class by running much more faster than they do.

- I'm afraid to call strangers, like at the credit card company, or even just somebody who works at a store.

- I don't answer my cell phone unless it's somebody I know.

- I don't like going to Catholic churches because I feel like everyone there is always watching and judging me when I don't do their communion. I'm not Catholic (I'm non-denominational Christian), and do things my own way at my church.

- I'm always nervous to go to the gas station, because one time I parked perfectly fine at a pump, and was in the middle of pumping gas, when this stupid jerk pulled up behind me, and said "thanks a lot, *******" for no reason! 

- I'll pretend to be sick in order to avoid school assemblies, or going to school. I avoid the assemblies like a plague, because everyone in their class sits with whoever they want, and I don't want to feel like everyone's watching me, thinking how much of a loser I am.

- I'll take longer routes in the hallways at school just to avoid talking or seeing someone I know.


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## miss.filth

I walk past the cafe to see how many people are in there before deciding to go in or not. 

I don't leave my room after 7ish because that's when people are gathered in the lounges downstairs that I have to walk though (I live in a dorm)

I ate subs or wraps (easy to take out and bring back to room) for a week straight or barely ate at all because I was too afraid to sit in the food court and have a real meal.

I love it when I'm invited to two social gatherings on the same night so I can bounce them off each other (ie. say I can't go because I'm going to this instead, and then turn around and say the same thing for the other) Then stay home =]

Hid upstairs and watched through the window when someone knocked on the door.


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## Joy

Online: Logging off of MSN/online games as soon as someone tries to talk to me. I don't even know why I bother with msn lol.

At work, sometimes when I'm really hungry I'll take food into the bathroom and eat it, or I'll eat it in the fridge LOL. We have cameras all around the store because we have problems with people stealing from the tills. Since all managers have access to the cameras at home and at work, I can't eat anywhere except the fridge/bathroom. :O /shame

(btw we have a huge walk in fridge  )


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## CoconutHolder

I have trouble concentrating on what ppl are saying to me because I am thinking about what they are looking at on me or what they are thinking about me.

I take the steps instead of getting stuck in an elevator with a group of strangers.

I practically panic when walking through the mall because I swear everyone is looking at me. Most of the time I DO catch them looking at me so then I wonder what they are thinking or why they are looking at me.

I get paranoid when stopped in my car if someone is stopped beside me. I worry that they are watching me so then I don't know what to do with myself.

Before I go somewhere I think about ppl I "may" run into and always hope I don't so I don't have to force an uncomfortable social encounter.

Surprisingly I'm VERY open on message boards. I LOVE communicating this way because I'm not looking in someone's face. I think it is helping me to open up more in life because I'm starting to see how awesome I am sometimes.

I know there is more but I don't want to go on and on and on.


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## sab_07

A few years ago, I once kept my friend (who is no longer my friend) on the phone for an hour after she asked me if I wanted to go eat somewhere with her and this lady. All I kept saying was "Umm" and silence until after an hour I finally managed a quiet "No". She was mad, mainly because it took me an hour to say it. I felt like an ******* whenever I said no to my friends.

I wish I could forget stuff like that.

When I get to my college campus everyday, I usually have a few minutes to spare before going in, so while sitting in the car I have to act like I'm doing something, or looking for something, if there's somebody walking by or sitting in a car beside me.


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## Stacey F

I once got locked in the building when everyone had gone out to do P.E because I had taken so long getting changed. The only way to get out was to go into a classroom and ask a teacher for a key, but I was too scared and stayed in there for the whole hour, then stood behind the door and joined the group as they came back in so it looked like I'd been with them.

I used to try everything to get time off school. Once, it was raining as I was on my way so I walked the long way round and stood in the rain for ages. It was freezing cold and I was soaked through but I wanted to get as wet as I could so I could tell my parents I got sent home because I was so wet.

I have to sit near a wall when I'm in a room, else I panic and feel exposed. It caused me a lot of problems when I wouldnt sit where I was told in exams at school


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## sab_07

The other day it was raining at college and I had my umbrella in my car but I wouldn't take it with me or use it for fear of it not working or breaking and me looking like an idiot in front of everybody.


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## Anxiety75

That is not so unusual. I've done weird stuff to avoid people as well and I still feel like I was weird for doing that and at the time had no idea why I even did it.


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## Jumper1989

Well my 2nd hour class is Geometry and I don't care too much for it, and I don't like going to the class and siting there doing nothing and feeling as if I am being watched from certain people. So I have been skipping and going to a library thats close to my high school, instead of going to the damn class. I don't have all the problems you guys have, such as lunch I don't ever skip that since my freshmen year and I had good reasons to skip it. When ever theres something I never had done before and I have to do it, I freak out a bit.


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## bunnie

I pretend I'm asleep when I'm in situations where I dont want to make conversation. In the back of the taxi, on the bus..... sometimes at my boyfriend's house. When he leaves me by myself in a room and his friends/family are over I just curl up in a ball and close my eyes.....nobody knows I'm faking either. arrrg.....it makes me feel so silly.


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## SomethingSomething

In the 3rd or 4th grade, I had an "accident" because I was too afraid to raise my hand to ask to go to the bathroom. Often I'd choose to hold in my bladder to avoid this in the past, sometimes holding it in the entire day, but this time I couldn't hold it in, so instead of that 1 second of discomfort I would have experienced asking to use the restroom, I'll have this humiliating memory that lasts forever.

In 6th grade, I used to sit next to this girl in one of my classes and this guy would always come over and jokingly say "stay away from my girlfriend". He said this pretty much every day, and it made me so insanely uncomfortable that I'd avoid going to school just because of that comment. I also used to wear long sleeved shirts all year round, and this same guy would make comments about it, and it was pretty much the same deal there. I remember at this time thinking about how much I'd prefer the threat of physical violence to these single comments, but of course when I was actually threatened with physical violence, I thought the opposite.

In the 7th grade during Home Economics, we were doing Needlepoint and we're making a wallet or whatever the hell they usually get you to make, and I intentionally took as long as humanly possible to finish, which was several weeks, maybe even a couple months, ON ONE WALLET! Most people had several finished by this time and I only had one because I was too self-conscious to get up to get more thread, because I was worried people might make fun of the way I walk or something. Insane, right?

Also, whenever we had to give an kind of oral assignment, I'd make it a point not to do it. There were some times where I do an assignment not knowing we were going to give it orally, but when I found out, I'd claim not to have done it. This was also fairly embarrassing in it of itself because I was the squarest kid in class who never caused any kind of trouble, so I'd often get all kinds of annoying responses from people. I remember on one occasion I claimed to not be able to find the assignment, and my teacher, seeing how messy my binder was, rooted through it herself and found the assignment in a matter of seconds.

I had some more embarrassing stuff, but I decided against posting it out of fear that I might be identified by someone I knew. Unlikely, I know, but I guess I'm the paranoid type.


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## katelyn

SomethingSomething said:


> In the 3rd or 4th grade, I had an "accident" because I was too afraid to raise my hand to ask to go to the bathroom. Often I'd choose to hold in my bladder to avoid this in the past, sometimes holding it in the entire day, but this time I couldn't hold it in, so instead of that 1 second of discomfort I would have experienced asking to use the restroom, I'll have this humiliating memory that lasts forever.


The exact same thing happened to me, around the same age. I will regret that moment forever ops .


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## uzura

katelyn said:


> SomethingSomething said:
> 
> 
> 
> In the 3rd or 4th grade, I had an "accident" because I was too afraid to raise my hand to ask to go to the bathroom. Often I'd choose to hold in my bladder to avoid this in the past, sometimes holding it in the entire day, but this time I couldn't hold it in, so instead of that 1 second of discomfort I would have experienced asking to use the restroom, I'll have this humiliating memory that lasts forever.
> 
> 
> 
> The exact same thing happened to me, around the same age. I will regret that moment forever ops .
Click to expand...

It happened to me a few times, too, but fortunately when I was younger.

Whenever I go the school a library with my class, I can never choose a book because I'm afraid I'll be judged based on what I chose. Once the English teacher and librarian confronted me (nicely) about it in the library when I was having a bad day... I still feel like crap whenever someone brings that up, or when I see the teacher. When my parents take me to a local library, I usually choose nonfiction books for the same reason. I like reading them, but it's getting old.

If someone makes direct eye contact with me, I blush. If the person seems to have noticed me blushing, I blush even more around them. A while ago I started frowning or staring at random objects away from people so it wouldn't be so obvious. I'm afraid it makes me look a bit disturbed.

I always feel that if a stranger or a person I'm only acquainted with is nice to me, they're just doing it so they can laugh about it later. :stu
When a friend talks to me, I feel that they are just trying to be nice and don't really care for me at all, so I tend to stay away from them because I think that they don't want to be around me. Typical stuff like that...


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## nothing to fear

i play with my ipod walking through the building where i work to avoid making eye contact or talking to a coworker.

if i'm meeting someone and i see them approaching me, i will fumble with my purse to avoid making eye contact with them while they're walking towards me.

at school i would take completely different routes to avoid seeing someone.

i completely avoid going to certain areas of the city, just in case i might bump into someone. when getting on the subway before i go in i check to see if there's someone i know, if there is then i wait for the next train.

i will turn my head away at times talking to certain people, since i feel so self-consious.

i can't make eye contact at all... while talking to someone i look behind them, and often that person will look at where i'm looking, to see what it is i'm looking at.. when doing this i completely zone out and i forget what they're saying to me.


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## webdrifter

In college i usually hang out in the staircase between classes. In my college this is common for people to do once and a while but i pretty much do it all of the time.

I get about 7hrs of sleep a night. I do this because i know i'll be somewhat tired throughout of the day. If i run out of things to talk about with my friends i'll just say "man im tired stayed up sooo late last night doing a paper!"


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## jaayhou

Another college thing...

I *have to* enter the lecture room when nearly everybody is already there. I have to pick out my seat based on the social geography of the room. If I'm first in the room, it's like there's too many choices. Plus, if I'm sitting alone at first, I'll wonder why whomever just sat over there instead of sitting near me etc.. I guess it makes me feel like I have more control.


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## Strength

CoconutHolder said:


> I have trouble concentrating on what ppl are saying to me because I am thinking about what they are looking at on me or what they are thinking about me.


This happened last year at work and it was bad, because I was being trained in a difficult job and I was more focused wondering what she was thinking than what she was saying. I found myself saying "yes I understand" even when I didn't.

One thing I used to do was when I went out and I feared bumping into someone, I would put my cell phone right by my ear, such that if I did bump into anyone I wouldn't have to talk to them.


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## TreeFrog

When I was in high school a teacher was explaining something just to me and got right up in my face practically. I was so uncomfortable and couldn't look her in the eyes, so I just kept doing this fake yawn-to avoid her gaze and take attention away from my blushing and obvious discomfort. 
After I had done it so many times she said in a very mean tone, "What is the problem?! AM I BORING YOU?!!" 
I guess I can't blame her, but it was awful. People are so uneducated about SA... :sigh


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## march_hare

SomethingSomething said:


> In the 7th grade during Home Economics, we were doing Needlepoint and we're making a wallet or whatever the hell they usually get you to make, and I intentionally took as long as humanly possible to finish, which was several weeks, maybe even a couple months, ON ONE WALLET! Most people had several finished by this time and I only had one because I was too self-conscious to get up to get more thread, because I was worried people might make fun of the way I walk or something. Insane, right?


A similar thing happened to me during "textiles technology" class. For some reason I missed the tutorial our teacher gave about how to use the sewing machines, and also the special machine that did little embroidered pictures. I was too scared to ask her to show me how to do it, so I just did stuff by hand. I had a vague idea how to use a machine, but I was afraid I'd **** it all up somehow. When I had to sew clothes I just pottered around in class pretending to do things, then went home and got my mum to help me using her machine.


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## WRATH

During the last 2 years of high school I never went. Used to go fishing instead - only place I felt relaxed. Teachers & family put this down to drugs, juvenile delinquency, 'bieng naughty', etc. None of them really knew what was going on. Niether did I for that matter (it was SA of course). As a result I ended up with no qualifications & my mother kicked me out for fear of being fined by the Truancy Officers. Thanks Mum!


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## bambolea

> In the 7th grade during Home Economics, we were doing Needlepoint and we're making a wallet or whatever the hell they usually get you to make, and I intentionally took as long as humanly possible to finish, which was several weeks, maybe even a couple months, ON ONE WALLET! Most people had several finished by this time and I only had one because I was too self-conscious to get up to get more thread, because I was worried people might make fun of the way I walk or something. Insane, right?


lol, I do the exact same thing in art class when i'm too scared to go get more paint or water or something. I have a project due, and everyone in my class is done, and i'm still like, barely on the second step (i think there's four in total). oh the things we do cause of SA :lol


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## blueskies

bambolea said:


> In the 7th grade during Home Economics, we were doing Needlepoint and we're making a wallet or whatever the hell they usually get you to make, and I intentionally took as long as humanly possible to finish, which was several weeks, maybe even a couple months, ON ONE WALLET! Most people had several finished by this time and I only had one because I was too self-conscious to get up to get more thread, because I was worried people might make fun of the way I walk or something. Insane, right?
> 
> 
> 
> lol, I do the exact same thing in art class when i'm too scared to go get more paint or water or something. I have a project due, and everyone in my class is done, and i'm still like, barely on the second step (i think there's four in total). oh the things we do cause of SA :lol
Click to expand...

I'm exactly the same! In art I was so self conscious about getting out of my seat I would sometimes sit there the whole lesson pretending to draw a picture or something which was a complete waste of my time.. maybe that's the reason I got such a rubbish grade in Art. Not because I was bad at it, because I was too afraid to get out of my chair. You can't begin to imagine how pathetic that makes me feel! :rain


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## ThirdEyeGrind

a friend called me the other day and i didn't bother to answer it. i just let it ring in my hand and felt like a complete *******.


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## User57854

-


----------



## Caution

Wow, I'm so glad I found this message board. I also can relate to so many others have said, and it feels...good. I'm so glad I am not alone.

In College, I refuse to eat lunch there. Before I got my car, I would just hide in the back of library and put my head down. 
I'd starve until dinner when I got home(and this was also after work). Now that I have a car, I just eat lunch in there, and sit in there until I need to go to work, or wait for the next class. 

I am very uncomfortable wearing short-sleeve shirts as others have mentioned, and sometimes wear long-sleeve shirts in the dead of summer because they make me feel better. I'm also afraid to wear shorts. People have to think I'm crazy...

In Highschool, I would just eat by myself in the cafeteria. It was so embarrassing. A group of girls felt sorry for me, and wanted me to sit with them, but I couldn't. So what did they do? They all sat around me(they thought I was cute, but not the good kind of cute...like the 6 year old child kinda of cute). I was humiliated. I literally ate out of my bag, and they always wanted to know what I was eating and stuff, I was just so scared. Fortunately, when the semester ended the lunch periods shifted, so I didn't have to deal with them anymore. Not to say I didn't appreciate their company, but it's like I'm not comfortable unless I'm alone(which is what I hate, so it makes no sense).

I was afraid of the bathrooms, so I really couldn't go in them. I would hold in my pee for over seven hours per day. To this day, I'm only comfortable using the bathroom at home or at work. 

Back in Eighth grade, we had this mandatory woodshop class that I hated. I would pretend I was working on my stool for weeks on end because I was too afraid to leave my seat or use the equipment or even do anything. Luckily, the teacher helped me assuming I was afraid of hurting myself with the equipment, either that or he must've thought I was mentally retarded or something. *sigh*

Whenever I recognize someone from Highschool(or the past), I try to pretend like I don't notice them or something, and leave ASAP. 

I refuse to drive with my windows down in my car. I'm afraid others will hear what I'm listening to, and somehow judge me. 

I was so quiet in school, many thought I was just dumb. It hurt so much, and to this day I cannot raise my hand to answer the professor's questions, even though I know them(which just hurts my grade).


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## Anachiel

I remember the weirdest thing happened to me when I was a child. I was getting out of the car and one of my nasty cousins slammed the door and jammed my fingers by accident. Being the type of kid who hated attention drawn upon me I held back my tears and my pain (and believe me that is very hard to do when you are a kid) and didn't say anything, I just stood next to the car with my fingers caught in the door and in the worst pain ever and said nothing. After about 10 minutes someone came outside and opened the door and to their amazement couldn't believe that I had stood there for that long with my fingers jammed. "Why didn't you say anything???" was all I got and I said nothing back to them. My fingers ended up looking like they were squashed french fries and then I uncontrollably cried and cried for hours. They just couldn't work out why I didn't scream immediately after it happened. Back then being only 6, I couldn't work it out either, all I knew was that I was abnormally shy and that no one back then wasted their time in telling me and reminding me of that all the time. :cry 
I was not a very happy kid, in fact I remember always feeling sad and never knowing why, I think I might have had childhood depression also.


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## 99x

I talked to this girl online for many months. It got to the point where I was really comfortable chatting with her. We'd talk about everything and during one of our convos I was on fire. Crackin jokes left and right and she was into it, I felt like rico suave and then she said the words I have come to dread "you should call me sometime". I then told her that I was going to go to sleep and I'd give her a call later, but I ended up blocking her for like 6 months. I still haven't talked to her since 

And then there was an instance where I asked a girl in one of my classes for her number. She gave it to me and we talked on the phone every once in awhile during the semester. Turns out she had a boyfriend. And after she told me I didn't really feel comfortable talking to her. i guess it was the fact that I was attracted to her and didn't want to cause drama in someone else's relationship. So when the semester was over I just stopped calling. A few months later I ran into her at the college book store, and she noticed me and started talking to me. I wanted to tell her about how uncomfortable I felt talking to her at the time and that it was the reason I stopped, but I was really nervous and what came out was something like "I stopped calling because I didn't want to talk to you." After that I realized just how mean that sounded and walked away. Haven't seen her since but I still feel really bad about what I said while in my anxious state.


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## SADFighter

Anachiel said:


> I remember the weirdest thing happened to me when I was a child. I was getting out of the car and one of my nasty cousins slammed the door and jammed my fingers by accident. Being the type of kid who hated attention drawn upon me I held back my tears and my pain (and believe me that is very hard to do when you are a kid) and didn't say anything, I just stood next to the car with my fingers caught in the door and in the worst pain ever and said nothing. After about 10 minutes someone came outside and opened the door and to their amazement couldn't believe that I had stood there for that long with my fingers jammed. "Why didn't you say anything???" was all I got and I said nothing back to them. My fingers ended up looking like they were squashed french fries and then I uncontrollably cried and cried for hours. They just couldn't work out why I didn't scream immediately after it happened. Back then being only 6, I couldn't work it out either, all I knew was that I was abnormally shy and that no one back then wasted their time in telling me and reminding me of that all the time. :cry
> I was not a very happy kid, in fact I remember always feeling sad and never knowing why, I think I might have had childhood depression also.


Are you serious???? This is way too scary. I mean, I can relate broadly to most of the things described on here but what you just wrote I thought I was the only one on Earth who experienced something like that. I think I was in elementary school, 3rd or 4th grade and at a friend's house w/3 other friends. One of my friends closed the door on my bicep as we were all making the mad dash for snack. Except, I didn't keep running. I couldn't. My arm was wedged between the hinges of the door. I stood there quietly, in pain, for what must've been like 10 minutes until I think one of the babysitters came in and released me. My memory's kinda hazy on this one though and for some reason it isn't that traumatizing in hindsight. I guess I've repressed the feelings.

Anyway, another classic one for me was at a summer program a few years ago. This really cute girl liked me and I liked her. Couldn't talk to her and she put in all the effort. We all went to the movies one night and I was sitting w/some friends when she cut in front of one of her friends so she could sit next to me. I promised myself I would finally make a move. I finally talked to her during the previews and when the movie started (an action movie) she began to pinch me and hold my arm, feigning fear. I would laugh it off and not say anything. Never once did I even put my arm around her. Meanwhile, the pinches were getting harder. I don't blame her. How many signs did she have to give me! :lol An hour in, she really did pinch me and it showed in my reaction. She then stopped and the movie ended a couple minutes later. When we got outside I didn't continue with the flirtation or at least make a joke about her kind of hurting me...no, I told her that it was raining in the city where we both lived! Somehow, after all of that she still didn't give up and I still couldn't do anything...Stuff like that bothers me to this day.


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## Anachiel

SAD Fighter that's eerie yes I also thought I was the only one in the world who experienced something like that, just goes to prove that there is always someone else in the world and there's probably many more people who have had the same SA torture as you, as weird as it sounds!!! :yes


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## Caution

This topic needs to be bumped. 

It actually put a smile on my face...for once.


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## Mc Borg

I once hid in the closet because my dad was trying to get me to play N64 with these 2 kids. (I was like 13)
I used to stay in the car while my mom went into stores and stuff.
I used to act like I was walking to the bus stop, but I would grab my bike and go to the river or somewhere else, I would stay there until school was over and go home as if I was at school all day.
During a fire drill I ran into the bathroom and stayed until it was over.
I once climbed onto the roof of the school to just get away from everybody.
During a school assembly I hid behind the bleachers.
I once hid in the janitors closet at school.
When I was like 12 my friends cousin drove up to his house (she was a girl) I ran home so fast.
I've done a lot of weird stuff ops ops ops ops ops ops ops


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## sparkations

Every time I meet a new group of people, and I have to introduce myself and tell a little bit about myself, I tense up

In 10th grade, I cried in front of a group of 8 people when I had to do a presentation with another girl

In 10th grade, I used to think that when people were laughing and whispering to each other, it was at me.

I was always afraid to get the oh so prestigious "student of the week" award in elementary school during our school assemblies, due to the fact that I didn't want recognition and I didn't have to walk up there in front of all the others during school assemblies. 

I always get anxious when it comes to competition, especially board games, cause I hate losing and feeling like I'm incompetent or stupid.

In grade 11, I would eat lunch in the washroom, lol

my eyes water in public

I used to be in an enriched program. During elementary school, the enriched kids in our school, the 4 or 5 of us, would be picked up by the bus and taken to the school with the enriched program 1 day of the week. I never spoke while I was with the other enriched kids while I was waiting for the bus or while I was on the bus. I was mute. 

I used to have a huge crush on this guy when I was 16. I tried to avoid him at all costs until we finally went out later on. I remember one incident when I was walking down the hallway, and he said "hi" to me, I said hi back and then walked away, even though he wanted to converse. Ha ha, I remember an incident when we were in class, and the teacher warned the rest of the group I had to work with that I was quiet as hell, but had good ideas. Then he took out a piece of paper, and wrote, "Shh...she's quiet" and placed it on the table to warn everyone else. Ha ha.

I'm always anxious about returning items or asking for refunds. When I go back to the store, I hope its not the same girl/guy who sold me the purchase.


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## ynoh

We had a class trip (over night in a beach island). The next day before departing, we had lunch. I had sprayed some cologne before joining the rest for lunch (obviously to impress some of the ladies lol). As i joined, i thought my shirt smelt bad, went back applied more cologne, then rejoined lunch. Then i realized i've sprayed too much as everyone had their eyes on me. i had no idea what to do, let alone answer a hottie's question "who's wearing that cologne?"

I tend to avoid people (in restaurants, stores, university, work etc) whom ive conversed with.


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## slyfox

For awhile I wouldn't go in stores. If I did and saw someone I knew from high school I would hide in another department of the store. I also wouldn't go outside if I saw a neighbor.

I did the whole lunch in the library thing too.

I left my high school my senior year. Thankfully because I already had most of my credits I was allowed to finish my diploma at a career center. My diploma is from the high school, but I don't think most people would believe me if I said I graduated from there. My friend, who doesn't listen really well, claimed to people that I had a GED.

Sometimes if I start a topic on a message board and I'm worried about what people will reply, I never go back to read the replies.

If I think of anymore I'll post them :afr


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## laura03125

my friend offered me a ride home yesterday and i made up an excuse and walked home in the cold.

i try to look busy so that people i don't know very well don't try to start conversations with me.

sometimes when i feel really uncomfortable or anxious i have this strange urge to...pinch myself, sort of.

i've also wasted a lot of money by buying clothes and never wearing them. i just can't deal with people complimenting me and talking about me and what i'm wearing.

i wear my glasses as little as possible, even though it probably makes my eyesight worse because of all the strain i'm putting on my eyes. i just feel better when i can't see anyone's eyes properly.


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## jessiee2

Let's see.... Theres so many.

For starters, I will probably go over this reply a few times too many to make sure it doesn't look or read stupid.

I missed a hell of a lot of school, work, events, fun stuff... a lot of everything. I started this thing where I would get someone to give my explanations for me. If I had to miss work, usually because I was so sick from even the thought of having to deal with ANY sort of social interaction, I would have my mom call for me because I couldn't face talking to my boss. Now, I con my boyfriend into lying for me when a friend or family member calls so I can avoid them. That brings up another weird behavior... I can't stand the phone! It's so easy to ignore and that's exactly what I do with it.

I've gotten into a horrible sleeping schedule (sleeping a large part of the day), just to make sure I can avoid those active parts of the day.

This is extremely embarrassing... so I hope some one knows what I'm talking about... I have actually hidden in the closet or ran to the bathroom if someone came over unexpectedly... Now, that I'm reading that, I'm thinking... WHY DO I DO THIS??

The biggest thing that I do (I don't think this is too abnormal though) is just not say a word in social situations. My boyfriend is very annoyed by this and it's hard to explain... but, sometimes I just CANNOT make myself open my mouth. People think I'm either snobby or I have a major problem (which I do)... I actually can't stop talking after a few drinks... NOT TOO PROUD OF THAT EITHER.


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## Mc Borg

jessiee2 said:


> This is extremely embarrassing... so I hope some one knows what I'm talking about... I have actually hidden in the closet or ran to the bathroom if someone came over unexpectedly... Now, that I'm reading that, I'm thinking... WHY DO I DO THIS??


I've done that before, so you're not alone.


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## valley_girl1919

one time a friend of mine wanted me to come hang out with her at her house, and i thought it was just gonna be me and her until the day i was going over there she called me and said that alot of other people were gonna be over there too. once i found this out i lied to her and said that i couldnt make it because a friend of mine had dropped by and we went out for a little and he ended up getting stopped by the cops, so there was no way i could get back to see her in time. i was so depressed about this for a long time because i hated that i lied to her. it made me feel so pathetic. ive gotten better about not doing it but there are times i still lie a lil to keep from being social.


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## slyfox

jessiee2 said:


> This is extremely embarrassing... so I hope some one knows what I'm talking about... I have actually hidden in the closet or ran to the bathroom if someone came over unexpectedly... Now, that I'm reading that, I'm thinking... WHY DO I DO THIS?? .


I'm not sure if I've hidden in the bathroom, but I used to hide in my bedroom. I still do it occasionaly.


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## javasirc

I was moving to South Carolina (live in Delaware). I told my best friend i was moving, so he insisted we hang out one last time. He braught his camaro over to my house (we live on the same street) and we went around the block. He wanted me try driving it, so i got in the drivers seet. I was so nervious (not because i was driving it but because i was afraid of what he would think of me driving, so I pushed the petal a little hard to give the car a jump, and said the car is too powerful for me, so he drove instead.

Another time at work (i work at a restaurant, at the time i was a bus-boy (table cleaner)). Someone was standing in the door way and i couldnt get through. Instead of saying excuse me, i walked all the way around the restaurant to get into the kitchen.


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## Cleary

Go to the library during lunch.
and when I couldn't do that, because sometimes a class would be meeting in there, I'd go to the success center (small study area) and I think on one or two occasions that wasn't an option so I stood by my locker "getting some books" for about 15 minutes. and waited for the lunch period to be over.

do my makeup in a bathroom stall if somebody's in there. I have a little mirror in my purse at all times. 
but I usually rather use the bathroom mirror on the wall so if somebody walks in the bathroom while I'm putting on makeup I'd walk out, possibly with eyeliner only on one eye,to go to the other bathroom and finish it.

also a few times in high school I'd skip mass (I went to a catholic school) not because of my SA but mostly because I'm not Catholic and I felt like it was just a waste of time, that and I would have nobody to sit/stand next to. so I would skip the school masses to do homework in the cafeteria or go for a walk. One of the secretaries caught me, and told me to go to the gym for mass or else she would "report me" to the dean and I'd be suspended.


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## Social_butterfly00

Wow I can pretty much relate to everything.

When I was growing up (12-15), I played softball and would NOT get a ride with any of the other players. I would cry to my mom until she agreed to drive me there and back, despite the distance.

I would not let my mom or my family watch me play baseball for some reason. I would yell and scream the entire car ride there. I still do not know why i wouldn't let them watch me.

I used to feel so aqwuard around my friend's parents and wouldn't say a word and think they were annoyed I was at their house or something.

In highschool, I used to go sit in the library on the computer and then go out near the end of lunch to get food when there was guarunteed to be free tables. When people asked, I would say Oh I had this huge assignment I had to do.

If I see someone I know in a department store or something, I completely hide and go the other way. I went into my old work once and saw a few people I used to work with so I completely just went in the opposite direction. Now, I can't even go into my old work because I dont want to see the people I used to work with even though I like them.

I always make up excuses when people ask me to hang out (which is rarely that they do). In highschool If I had to kill time at lunch I would pretend I was looking through my locker or if I saw someone I would blankly stare in my locker pretending to get stuff until they walked by.

I do so many little things. I worry that I annoy people, or that I'm not supposed to be in a certain place (ie there is this computer lab at school that I use and sometimes I think what if there is a classed book in here and I think someone is going to come up and yell at me for using a computer when the lab was booked).

Oh and today I hid in the bathroom twice when someone came to the door. Sometimes I run upstairs and duck under the window so I'm not seen...


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## Social_butterfly00

Haha I just wanted to say I'm reading some of these things and they are so funny (in an I can relate sort of way).

I wanted to add one more to my list. In the summer I worked at this job that I had gotten throught the YMCA, where the YMCA paid my salary and it was for 6 weeks. I was working for this small, family run business where I was working as an office assistant. It was a very tiny place, it consisted of the dad, the mother, the two sons and one secretary who left at 1 pm everyday. My first day I was so nervous that I could barely speak, and one of the sons was telling me what to do.

I had to like pack boxes or something, and I took extra long so that I didnt have to go back and ask him what else was left to do. pretty much every day of work was like this for me. I did tasks as they needed to be done, meaning everyday I didnt really know what I was doing.

I used to take as long as possible doing my assigned tasks (ie typing things up) so that I wouldn't have to ask anyone what I had to do next. I hated when they walked into the room, i would feel myself burning up and becoming really aware of myself and every time someone talked to me, it took all my might just to sound half-normal. God I was really bad.

One time I printed like 100 flyers and half way through realized I messed up, so my plan was to let it finish and then secretly dispose of the flyers by putting them in my purse and getting rid of them at home. One of the sons ended up seeing the printouts in the printer tray before I could get them, and he was like, "why didnt you tell me?! look at all this wasted paper!?" and he made me feel so bad. I looked like this little punk kid because I didnt do anything about it. I also came off really bad I think because I would never talk to anyone, and probably came off snotty.

I used to get really nervous around the mother too. She used to do odd jobs around the business and when she talked to me I felt like 2 inches tall and would thus avoid her at all costs. I still don't know how I survived through it. everyday I counted the days till I was out of there.


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## sparkations

lol, i love this thread. i thought i was the only one who did weird things.


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## winduptoy

Cleary said:


> do my makeup in a bathroom stall if somebody's in there. I have a little mirror in my purse at all times.


I do that too!!


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## Mc Borg

Another weird thing I do is while I'm sitting, if I'm sitting and somebody is around I can't get up, it's like I'm glued to the chair. Glued to the chair with my mouth glued shut and my eyes looking away from everybody.


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## AcidicJuiceMotel

-I used to wait 30 minutes for the bus after school, even though there was an earlier bus, because I was so nervous about taking a crowded bus with all my school-mates.
-When I first moved into my dorm, I would take my laundry downstairs and around the outside of the building to avoid walking through the guy's floor.
-If I have to use the bathroom and my floor's bathroom is closed, I'll walk all the way to the caf or an academic building just so I don't have to use a bathroom on another floor.
-I skip meals to avoid the caf.
-when I message people online, I try to time exactly when it's appropriate to message them back, because I don't want anyone to think I'm too eager or clingy.
-I skip events I've been invited to, and make stupid excuses.

There are more, but I can't think of them right now.


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## nothing to fear

AcidicJuiceMotel said:


> -I used to wait 30 minutes for the bus after school, even though there was an earlier bus, because I was so nervous about taking a crowded bus with all my school-mates.
> -When I first moved into my dorm, I would take my laundry downstairs and around the outside of the building to avoid walking through the guy's floor.
> -If I have to use the bathroom and my floor's bathroom is closed, I'll walk all the way to the caf or an academic building just so I don't have to use a bathroom on another floor.
> -I skip meals to avoid the caf.*
> -when I message people online, I try to time exactly when it's appropriate to message them back, because I don't want anyone to think I'm too eager or clingy.*
> -I skip events I've been invited to, and make stupid excuses.
> 
> There are more, but I can't think of them right now.


i do this too. :sigh but sometimes it's the complete opposite and if i can't think of what to say fast enough i'll freak out a little and look at the time and how many minutes have passed because i'll know they might notice how long it is taking for my reply and get annoyed or something. makes no sense, i know. ops


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## LoveMyKitties

Wow, reading a bunch of these posts really brought up similar memories from high school, and the one year I spent in college. I used to just think I was really shy, thought about things too much, or just prone to anxiety attacks. The anxiety attacks were the only thing that my Mom ever admitted to my having... anything else-- SA, depression-- were just taboo and needed to be "fixed" by medication and a shrink, until I was "cured", according to my parents. Although, my parents never ever mentioned SA.... I don't think they would even consider it anything that's real, so I'm not telling them anytime soon. Maybe someday when I explode at them about how they helped make me this way. (Notice how I said "when"??)

-- In high school, I would spend entire breaks in the bathroom putting makeup on in the stall (I didn't want to look in the mirror along with anyone else for fear that they will think I was ugly, talk to me, or wonder why I didn't have any friends to talk to during break)
-- Senior year of high school was the absolute worst. I was an honors student but almost failed second semester of senior year and almost didn't graduate (that's when my parents realized I was depressed and immediately tried to "fix" it)
-- I would go to parties with my friends and they would be dancing; I don't dance (I don't want to look dumb so I never try) and they knew that. But instead, they left me all alone or tried to force me to dance by putting me on the spot.... which gave me anxiety attacks. I would end up in the corner by myself so I would just leave without telling anyone. I would just drive around until it was late enough to go home without my parents knowing anything was wrong, and lie and say I had a good time. I think one time (the worst time) I drove far away and just sat in a parking lot in my car. The worst part was that sometimes my friends questioned me the next day about it!!! They would be all, "why did you leave?" and I would either ignore it (we spoke on AOL a lot so ignoring was easy), or I would say "I didn't think anyone would notice". They wouldn't know what to say after that, and act all surprised that I felt ignored. To this day I think they probably thought I was psychotic and didn't know how to deal with me. (I don't talk to anyone from high school anymore. I have no need. Too many bad memories, anyway. I don't consider ANY of them real friends in retrospect.)

-- I used to hide in one of the band practice rooms if I found one open. I dropped my calculus class senior year because I was failing and didn't need any more math credits. But I would walk after class with this underclassman guy I liked so I would pretend I was walking to class and then walk almost all the way around the school so he didn't see me walking AWAY from class. I would hide in the practice room until it was time to meet him after "class". He never knew anything was up.

-- Once my band teacher found me sitting alone in the practice room. I don't even know what I said I was doing in there.... I obviously wasn't practicing. He said sorry and left me be. I am still embarrassed about that to this day!!

-- In college, when everyone was studying for finals, I would take the bus downtown and go shopping and walk around. They either thought I was going out to study or that since I had mostly music classes, that I had no studying to do. Yeah, instead I was failing.

-- In college instead of pulling an all-nighter once (I slept over at my boyfriend's place, stupidly... ugh, I didn't even like the guy!! but that is a different story), I tried to sleep for like an hour before a midterm. I overslept and frantically got to class late, but they locked the door!!!!!!! Instead of risking knocking and having everyone looking at me and the teacher questioning me, I went and hid somewhere, and made up this big illness excuse story in my head. I was so anxious about lying that I never went to that class again.... and thus started my college downfall  I hated that school anyway... they said that "everyone" got into the big symphonic band, but they didn't accept me after my audition and completely ignored me instead and didn't even address it. It was like I didn't even exist to them. I had to lie to my parents about how no freshman ever get in the band or something, UGH. No wonder I have performance anxiety now and I think I suck at music, when I probably don't.

-- I still hide when people knock at the door. We unfortunately live like 3 blocks away from my husband's Dad, so his siblings often "drop by" unannounced. I beg my husband to tell them not to do that, but he just says that's how they are and he has tried to tell them we are not "drop by" people. So I figure if I am not home or "sleeping" enough, they will eventually stop 

-- I can't even leave the house if I think I look ugly (meaning I have no makeup on and my hair is wet)

Sorry this is so long  I, too, used to pretend I was doing other things online instead of immediately responding to people's IMs, because I was afraid of looking too eager/clingy. Or I would pretend to type slower. To this day I feel like I always type more than people in emails, on forums, or in IMs, and they think I'm weird because of it  I have a "friend" who I am completely avoiding because she refuses to email me to talk about things, she will only call me on the phone. I just can't verbalize all of this stuff!!! If I tell her how I am doing now, she is just going to tell me I need to go see a therapist, which I am not ready for yet.

Oh, and forget about my cell phone.... I rarely answer it unless it is my husband (sometimes I ignore him too when I am somewhere I am not supposed to be-- like shopping). I can't call people back. I get too anxious about it. My parents HATE that and they have told me several times. UGhhhhh.... I lie and say my phone is messed up (which honestly sometimes it is because I let the battery die), but they still lecture me about it. And my Mom talks to my brother and SIL about it and they say "yeah she doesn't call us back either". I HATE how they talk about me like that. My SIL and my parents are going to be an entirely different post!! :sigh


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## Mc Borg

LoveMyKitties said:


> -- I used to hide in one of the band practice rooms if I found one open. I dropped my calculus class senior year because I was failing and didn't need any more math credits. But I would walk after class with this underclassman guy I liked so I would pretend I was walking to class and then walk almost all the way around the school so he didn't see me walking AWAY from class. I would hide in the practice room until it was time to meet him after "class". He never knew anything was up.
> 
> -- Once my band teacher found me sitting alone in the practice room. I don't even know what I said I was doing in there.... I obviously wasn't practicing. He said sorry and left me be. I am still embarrassed about that to this day!!


I did that when I was in band, I used to sit alone in there everyday. I never even used to contribute, just sit there alone with my guitar, the teacher and class probably thought I was so weird, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore though! :b


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## LoveMyKitties

It's funny... the whole band thing in high school was the place I felt most comfortable. I was one of those people who had like 5 music classes interspersed with English and math classes. I really miss it.. a lot of the younger people looked up to me. I was hiding my inner-self really well, though, by the end of high school. It was a blessing and a curse when I graduated, because leaving that comfort made me even more depressed.

My work friends used to be my similarly close-knit family, but one of the girls became our supervisor, and things started to change, so I left. Sigh... I wish I had enough strength to have kept close to some of those work/high school people. I think I thought more of the high schoolers than they thought of me though. Someday it will get better, I just keep thinking that, because my life tends to be cyclical-- when I am bottom-of-the-barrel lonely, the next stage seems to be somehow falling into a new niche for myself. Here's hoping....


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## jonesy0039

i didnt eat in college for the 2 years i was there because i couldnt stand having to walk past so many people to get my food, if i was hungry i would jog 2 miles to a chippy that i knew no one went to

the first ever job interview i went to i went in sat there in silence for 2 mins got up and walked out, then went over how much of an idiot i must have seemed for the next two weeks


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## markx

Welcome to *my* weird world...

I registered for Friends Reunited under a false name so that no one would try to contact me.

Just before a stressful event (such as going to the dentist) I have the urge to cut myself so the injury will be an "ice breaker" when I get there. I've never done it though.

I had to buy antibiotics online (that's illegal in the UK) so that I wouldn't have to go to the doctor.

I secretly wish that I had a serious medical complaint so that I could be admitted to hospital where I would be pampered by nubile nurses. :mushy

My old Alfa Romeo hasn't moved from the garage in 15 years because I can't bring myself to deal with prospective purchasers if I advertise it for sale.

When I really HAVE to go outside to tidy the front garden, I keep my head down at all times and if I hear someone coming down the street I casually go back inside until they've gone.

I learned to drive while squinting so that I wouldn't have to admit to anyone that I have bad eyesight. I finally HAD to admit it to my mother before my test - I got some glasses and I wore them for the first time during the test - it was like looking through a goldfish bowl... but I passed.  I haven't been for an eye test since then and I only wear the glasses when I'm driving. I have astigmatism and when I'm watching TV I rest my elbow on the chair arm, I rest my chin in my hand and put my little finger across one eye when no one is looking.... it makes everything sharper.

I sometimes write messages for sending via Yahoo Messenger in Outlook Express so that I can just paste 'em in, send and close the connection.

I've memorized all the creaky floorboards in the house so that I can move around without anyone noticing.

If there's no one else available to answer the phone at work, I unplug it from the wall so that I won't have to deal with it.

Apart from all that I'm completely normal. :b


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## tomcoldaba

markx said:


> Welcome to *my* weird world...
> 
> I registered for Friends Reunited under a false name so that no one would try to contact me.
> 
> Just before a stressful event (such as going to the dentist) I have the urge to cut myself so the injury will be an "ice breaker" when I get there. I've never done it though.
> 
> I had to buy antibiotics online (that's illegal in the UK) so that I wouldn't have to go to the doctor.
> 
> I secretly wish that I had a serious medical complaint so that I could be admitted to hospital where I would be pampered by nubile nurses. :mushy
> 
> My old Alfa Romeo hasn't moved from the garage in 15 years because I can't bring myself to deal with prospective purchasers if I advertise it for sale.
> 
> When I really HAVE to go outside to tidy the front garden, I keep my head down at all times and if I hear someone coming down the street I casually go back inside until they've gone.
> 
> I sometimes write messages for sending via Yahoo Messenger in Outlook Express so that I can just paste 'em in, send and close the connection.
> 
> I've memorized all the creaky floorboards in the house so that I can move around without anyone noticing.
> 
> If there's no one else available to answer the phone at work, I unplug it from the wall so that I won't have to deal with it.
> 
> Apart from all that I'm completely normal. :b


SA apart you are completely normal. :lol


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## Mc Borg

Here's something weird I do involving this site, I made one of those SAF profiles and haven't logged into it since I made it, I want to delete it but I don't even want to log in, in order to delete my account, I'll just leave it there to rot! Same story with other social networking sites, I made one for some havoc tv network and I won't log into for fear of friend requests. The only social networking site I can log into is Myspace, but when I first got a MS account last year, I deleted right after I made it. ops ops


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## Mc Borg

Well actually it's not the fear of friend requests now that I think about it, I just don't like the idea of people looking at my pictures and my interests. ops ops ops ops ops ops ops ops ops ops ops ops


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## LoveMyKitties

I am on myspace but I don't want to log in because then people will know I still exist and wonder why I am ignoring them!!!! I know I have messages there but if I log on, people will see when I last logged in and then know I am ignoring them. But when I do log on, I get upset that no one ever talks to me so I am actually upset either way... like why did I even sign up for that thing anyway?!

In my melancholy state of sleeplessness the other night, I decided to Google some childhood friends (I moved from NJ to CA when I was 9 so I left some friends behind that I put on a pedestal to this day... I NEVER had best friends like that ever since, and to this day I hold a grudge against my parents for that..) I couldn't find my best best friend, but I found two others, and, like me, they are both married (I actually found one girl's wedding pictures online!!!! That was actually really cool to see; I haven't seen her since we were 11 or 12!!)-- but unlike me, they both graduated college and have careers within their applicable industries. (One is a youth ministry coordinator, and the other is an elementary music teacher-- I am REALLY jealous of the teacher because I wanted to be a music teacher for a while, but being a musician in college was just way too scary for me.. auditions, recitals?!) :afr 

Anyway, it made me sad because first of all, I am certain they aren't looking ME up. I bet they forgot about me years ago as they went on with their NJ lives. And if they did look me up.... I checked, there is literally nothing about me except that I signed an online petition in 1998. LOL!!!! But sigh... at least in high school, Google had some impressive honors stuff listed about me. The second reason it made me sad was because they have LIVES..... and I don't. I am sitting here wishing they would look me up because I was an ugly duckling when I was younger (I lost a lot of weight).. I should post some glamour shots just for that reason.... they wouldn't recognize me. So HAH!, childhood friends on a pedestal! So there!

LOL, I think it's time for bed.... :troll


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## jaayhou

Way back when in high school, I also hated lunch the most. I'd never hide in the library for fear of getting noticed and being branded a loser (god forbid), so I'd try to get as far from people as possible. Only seniors were allowed to leave campus, but I'd find creative ways to get past security. I was older than most of my peers as a sophomore, so I was able to drive before they were. Luckily for me I usually had a few licenseless mooches that would tag along, but I'd go it alone if I had to.

I went to school with a guy I'd see walking past my class window with a Sprite like clockwork during his lunch everyday. It was an odd place to be walking...the backside of the school where there's nothing but trees. He must have been doing laps around the building. I did a similar thing in junior high before class in the morning.


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## christie

one year (the year i dropped out of school) i skipped every gym class except the first one.. this went on for about a month, and i went to see the guidance counselor to see if i could finish my semester from home, and found out that i had been marked present in gym pretty much every day.. the guidance counselor was actually suspicious, because i had a bunch of absences in every class except gym.. i wonder what would have happened if i had started going to gym one day... i also wonder what they had my mark down as... :sus 

one time I had the blinds open, which i rarely do, and someone rang the doorbell, so i crawled into the closet and sat there until they left. 

i also wear a jacket all the time & at lunch at school i luckily had a mall about a block from my school, so i would just go there and browse through stores or sometimes take a nap in this quiet corner under some stairs.


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## carrythezero

High school for me was full of irrational actions. Lunch time sucked. I spent all my time in the library, and with the little homework my teachers gave I had nothing better to do than go on answers.com and look up dates or random subjects I wasn't even studying, but at least I came out of that experience as a semi-expert on the Russian Revolution. The worst though is during the first two weeks of school the library is closed due to them getting everything in order ( heeeelllooooo, what is the summer for?! =/ ) and in my high school there was no cafeteria, just tons of kids littering the hallways and quad. So I resorted to just standing by a wall eating muh snacks, which was to say the least uncomfortable, and I felt so sorry for myself. By my senior year having had my license for 6 mos., I was allowed to leave campus so lunch time became a little easier. Nearly all the seniors left campus, and I always seemed to pretend I was leaving as well by starting my car and acting like i was getting myself situated until no one was in sight, and I'd just stay in my car, despite the crazy southern california heat in June. I would just stay in there windows up, sweating and reading. College is a little better because it's sort of like a lot of students find themselves alone, but I still feel tht uncontrollable feeling that everyone's watching me, which i hate. =/

Aside from school, i tend to try and accomplish everything online, so i don;t have to deal with as much social interactions and those interactions include talking on the phone. yewwww, the phone.

There's a lot more, but it's almost 1 am here. And I can't think! Sleeeepy. :stu


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## Mc Borg

Oh snap! I just remembered something I did as a freshman!

It was the beginning of the second semester and my new class was health. I somehow ended up in the 12th grade health class and didn't realize it, until all these seniors started walking in.. :lol ...I was too afraid to walk out because I got in there early and the teacher saw me sitting down, so I didn't want to leave and her say "Where are you going?"...or to mention to her that I was in the wrong class, so I sat in there like an idiot until class was over, it's so funny to me now that I remembered it though! :lol ..

Luckily nobody talked to me, I even did the work! :lol :lol :lol :lol


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## sparkations

> It was the beginning of the second semester and my new class was health. I somehow ended up in the 12th grade health class and didn't realize it, until all these seniors started walking in.. ...I was too afraid to walk out because I got in there early and the teacher saw me sitting down, so I didn't want to leave and her say "Where are you going?"...or to mention to her that I was in the wrong class, so I sat in there like an idiot until class was over, it's so funny to me now that I remembered it though! ..


I can imagine myself doing something like that too


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## Melmo

If I got to school late, I would skip clas and hang out sitting in the hallway to avoid walking in class late, because I knew everyone would stare at me 

I didint go to prom because I didnt have a date. When someone would ask me if I had a date, I would say "no, im not going, it would be too boring" so that I wouldnt be embarassed when my friends went around asking people to go with me. I didint wanna show up dateless and have people pity me.

If im walking down the street and get to a set of lights and it says dont walk but there are no cars coming, I go because I dont want people thinking im a ***** for not crossing when there are no cars. 

Oh and one time I almost got run over by a cop car. I was awlking my dog, had my headphones on. The light said cross, and I didint notice a cop car going past with its lights flashing. I walked right into the middle of the road and I only heard the car when it screeched to a stop in front of me. I kinda froze, and so did my dog. I had to kinda shove him with my foot to move, and almost tripped over him. There were a lot of people around, and I ended up running up the street, knowing they were all staring at me.

If I call someone like for an appointment, or call my boss at work, I rehearse everything in my mind that im going to say, sometimes writing it down in front of me. If they ask me a questions and I didint expect it, I stutter while trying to answer them. Recently I have been just not showing up for work, to avoid calling in sick (Which im not really sick, just didint feel like going)

Its very hard to look someone in the eye. I feel like if I dont, they will think im being rude, If I do, they will think im trying to stare them down.

I ALWAYS wear baggy clothes, I have one hoodie I wear every day and wash it every 2-3 days. 

Oh and I hate being rushed. If I have to rush to get thing done before work, ill just not go into work. One time I had 5 minutes to eat before leaving for work, and in the end I ended up calling in sick. I dont know why.

I found this wuote online once:

"There is evidence that people with (SA) tend to believe that the way they feel is the way in which they are perceived by others."

This is exactly how I feel. I feel that I am fat, ugly, a loner and a loser, so I feel that when someone is looking at me, they think the exact same thing.


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## Melmo

Oh and this one is wierd. 

My best friend has a 14 months old baby. Whenever we are hanging out, usually at the mall, I offer to hold her or push her stroller. I like it when people think I am her mother, because in reality, im a virgin (my past boyfriends have tried to get close to me, I pushed them away) and I want people to think im "cool" enough to have had sex and have a baby. This is ridiculous because I dont think it is "cool" to have sex, but whatever. And when people ask me if she is mine, I smile inside.
Im so wierd :$


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## slurpazillia

---


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## Melmo

Slurpavillia said:


> ^:lol nooo youre not weird. thats hilarious! if im walking through a busy mall with my sister and people that are passing wanna make a quick judgement that hmmm maybe were a couple..thats o.k with me. :lol


LOL I do the same thing! If im walking with my friend Jeff, I want people to think were dating, even tho we feel nothing for each other. And my sister and I are close, so sometimes when we are walking, we link arms or something, and I dont care of people think we are together (im bisexual) Obviously I dont want them to think I am "with" my sister lol, but usually people dont know we are sisters.


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## holtby43

Slurpavillia said:


> ^:lol nooo youre not weird. thats hilarious! if im walking through a busy mall with my sister and people that are passing wanna make a quick judgement that hmmm maybe were a couple..thats o.k with me. :lol


It's the same for me with my sister kind of, I don't care if they think we're together or just friends or siblings actually. It's fine either way really.


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## slurpazillia

---


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## sherrysilver

> Oh, and forget about my cell phone.... I rarely answer it unless it is my husband (sometimes I ignore him too when I am somewhere I am not supposed to be-- like shopping). I can't call people back. I get too anxious about it. My parents HATE that and they have told me several times. UGhhhhh.... I lie and say my phone is messed up (which honestly sometimes it is because I let the battery die), but they still lecture me about it. And my Mom talks to my brother and SIL about it and they say "yeah she doesn't call us back either". I HATE how they talk about me like that. My SIL and my parents are going to be an entirely different post!! :sigh


Im the same way lol,my family is always wondering why I don't answer the phone.Im just not a phone person some wonder why I even bought a cell phone to begin with ....... :b


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## slyfox

I just remembered that a few years ago I locked myself out of my car at a bank. I eventually decided that I needed to ask to use the banks phone. I called home, but it was going to be awhile before my dad came home from work(my mom has trouble driving). The bank offered to let me wait inside, but I lied and said someone would bring me a key soon. I ended up waiting outside in the dark. The bank was in a bad neiborhood as well.

It's been awhile so I can't remember if i was still there after the bank closed for the night.


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## Lyndia

When I got my first ATM bank card (about 30 yrs ago) I made my daughter go with me to the machine AT NIGHT and show me how to use the card..I didn't want people standing behind me waiting while I tried to figure things out ...my mind always goes blank when I get stressed and I can't think and its embarressing. I had to stand there with my daughter and practice a few times before I got the hang of it. ATM cards are so simple and common but I still won't use one at a store, I will pay cash or write a check. Pretty weird and messed up thinking huh!


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## Lyndia

I don't like to answer the phone either, my family is always mad at me for that, because it makes them worry about me and so on, they don't understand, and I don't see why I should have to answer if I don't want to ...what did people do before they invented telephones anyway! I hate telephones and people getting mad at me about the whole thing!


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## citizen_erased

I never go in the staff room at work at lunch time cos i know it'll be crowded. In fact, i only ever go in there to get to the kitchen to make hot drinks.

When in busy places like shops and supermarkets i change direction to avoid going through the busier bits and having to say "excuse me" to anyone who is in my way.

I get very self-conscious about my hair looking messy and my lips looking chapped and dry (a problem i suffer from a lot) and i will either wait until no-one is around or if i can't wait, when no-one's looking, hide under my desk at work to quickly sort things out ops 

I try my best to move around the house as quietly as possible, esp at night, and when i know people are in the lounge watching tv as i have to walk past the lounge door to get to the kitchen if i want anything to eat or drink.

Will go up to someone's desk at work to deliver a message (like that a parcel has arrived for them) rather than shout it out across the floor. I even avoid answering the door at work if possible so i don't have to deal with those types of situations in the first place, although it isn't always possible to avoid them.

I almost always eat my meals upstairs in my bedroom rather than downstairs with my family, although i sometimes don't mind if it's just me and my mum. Same goes for watching tv.


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## nothing to fear

i was at a family dinner and there must have been at least 20 relatives there and plus they all spoke greek (i don't). i'm always very bored at these dinners so i always take a bathroom break to get away and cool down. i went to use the bathroom and of course because i'm mega paranoid of someone walking in on me so i make sure to lock the door even though it looked like a really old lock. well when i was done i try to open it with the key but it didn't work.. i was trying for i think 30 minutes until someone found me. the thing is there were people in the next room who would have easily heard me if i yelled and knocked on the door but i was too shy to do that.
it was even worse when i got out and went back to the table.. everyone was laughing and cracking jokes about it. plus i was very red and sweaty because it was hot in there. ugh.. that was horrible. although maybe it was better that they were speaking in greek and they didn't ask me to explain since i don't speak their language.


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## taxgirl

During high school, if whomever I sat with at lunch was absent, or if I ended up without anybody I knew well enough to sit with in my lunch period, I would hide in the bathroom so noone would see me sitting alone.

I also run and hide if someone comes over - usually I go check my makeup and hair to make sure there is nothing that would make them judge me when I do emerge.

I have a terrible time trying to speak in front of a large group (more than 2 or 3 people) or in front of unfamiliar people. I hate talking to strangers because I don't yet have a feel for what they think of me, or what is appropriate to say to them.

I hate passing someone in the hall at work that I know because it is incredibly awkward. Especially if you've already acknowledged each other that day.

I don't like to walk without carrying something in my hands because it takes the focus off my hands and how I'm holding them. I also don't like to go to the store alone. If my husband goes with me, I feel like it takes the attention off of me and people stare at me less.


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## Raplovehate

Reading through the first four pages of this thread I got surpised how many people became at home in the bathroom. I found myself in there my senior year of highschool whenever I managed to miss my votech and there were school events like rallies or assemblies. Feels great to know I wasn't the only one crazy enough to do that.....


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## Mc Borg

Now this one is really weird, it happened when I was 15 or so. I was riding my bike down by the park, decided I would cruise down this one road, as soon I as went passed this one house, a pit bull and chihuahua came out of somebodies yard and attacked me attempting to bite me. His teeth only managed to get a hold of my sweater, luckily I'm really skinny and was wearing a really thick and baggy sweater or that pit would've tore me up, meanwhile the chihuahua was biting at my shoe :lol :lol :lol 

Well anyways, here's the part that involves my SA. The owner of the dog was a girl who was my age and she had her dude friend right next to her. As soon as they saw the dog attack me the dude ran over and saved my life. The embarassing part is that I was more worried about the the people seeing me, even more than getting tore apart by this dog. ops ops ops 

I even went down a different road after the dude got the dogs away, which was going away from my house, instead of going home down the road I came from like I should have, I went through a long an irrigation ditch road, which is a dirt road and a long ride back home.


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## lyssado707

Melmo said:


> Oh and this one is wierd.
> 
> My best friend has a 14 months old baby. Whenever we are hanging out, usually at the mall, I offer to hold her or push her stroller. I like it when people think I am her mother, because in reality, im a virgin (my past boyfriends have tried to get close to me, I pushed them away) and I want people to think im "cool" enough to have had sex and have a baby. This is ridiculous because I dont think it is "cool" to have sex, but whatever. And when people ask me if she is mine, I smile inside.
> Im so wierd :$


OMG that sounds like something I would do/feel like lol


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## BluOrchid

citizen_erased said:


> I never go in the staff room at work at lunch time cos i know it'll be crowded. In fact, i only ever go in there to get to the kitchen to make hot drinks.
> 
> When in busy places like shops and supermarkets i change direction to avoid going through the busier bits and having to say "excuse me" to anyone who is in my way.


That's exactly how I am...

I like to hide out in my cubicle during lunch time.


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## lane10s

ok, so this is my first post. this is really my first time on this site, i've always known myself to be "overly self-conscious" but one day my friend brad convinced me that i had some kind of anxiety. i thought he was crazy. we sat up all night looking online & this is what we came up with. i just thought i was out of my mind. 

anyway. weird stuff... 

my appearance is a big one. i always think that people are constantly looking at me, judging me by what i'm wearing or how my hair/face/everything looks. i can't even take the trash out without my makeup on. i carry makeup with me everywhere i go, constantly checking or reapplying in bathroom stalls on campus or when i go out. i've been getting my nails done for 5 years. i still shake every time i get them filled because i think they are judging me. that my hands are weird or that i waited longer than 2 weeks and somehow they will look down upon me. i shake a lot. even when i'm at my apartment & people come over, i get so nervous. i think in class that people are constantly staring at me, the way i'm sitting or how i'm holding my pen. walking around on the street or on campus i feel like everyone is staring at me too. i probably don't walk right. i buy all name brand clothes. i won't be caught dead in anything "uncool," not because i'm stuck up, just because it makes me feel more comfortable with myself. i've been drinking a lot lately, to the point of blacking out because i know then i am more outgoing and not always over-analyzing my every move. but then i have a constant anxious feeling the next day - cause i was that girl the night before, everyone must hate me. i keep editing this thinking that you are going to judge the way i'm typing or tell me that i am crazy. i missed a lot of days in high school, not because i hated school that much but because i thought i looked bad & didn't want anyone to see me. & all the days i went i was late. but being late... people would look at me when i walked in the room. same now - if i'm going to be late to class i just won't go. i would start driving to school and keep going, driving around for hours and eventually going home. i can't talk in class. i can't do speeches, my voice shakes and my hands shake uncontrollably. i turn my music down in my car when i come to a stop, i don't want people to think i'm weird or that my music is weird. i've always gotten labeled as a *****. when i was a freshman in high school, the upperclassman would scream at me in the hall, or write things on my locker like "smile *****." i was just too shy & afraid to talk a lot of the time. i want to go to the gym, but there's no way in hell that i could ever work out in front of so many people. when i go shopping, i feel like the clerks are always judging me by what i'm buying. i too go for the check out lines where there are old women if possible. i don't buy shoes in stores where i have to try them on in front of someone, so i order online a lot. i won't buy cigarettes, cause the cashier will probably think i'm dirty. if i'm in an uncomfortable social situation i'm constantly pulling out my cell phone pretending to text someone. i let people walk all over me to avoid any kind of controversy or instance where i would have to stick up for myself. i had a boyfriend of 2 years who was constantly calling me fat (i wear a size 2) and telling me that i couldn't find any better, which worked out perfectly cause he had the same views of me as i did of myself, until i finally woke up one day. 

i could go on forever. but this is really long. 
& i'm sure you're judging me too. :sigh


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## markx

The only way we're judging you, Lane, is in the sense that we're comparing your experiences to our own but the fact is we can relate to everything that you wrote above, including the part about constant re-editing and worrying about what everyone will think. This is one of the least judgmental places you'll find on the whole of the internet so relax and post whatever comes into your head.


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## Social_butterfly00

lane, what you wrote sounds like something I could have wrote. Especially the things about walking around campus or sitting in class and feeling judged. Sometimes I sit in class and if I hear people behind me snickering I will think they are snickering at me, but then I tell myself to get a reality check and realize nobody is staring at you! There are 200 people in the lecture hall. Nobody cares.


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## Social_butterfly00

I came up with a few more things so I shall end to the streamless amounts of posts... I also wanted to say reading these posts made me laugh and cry. One of the posts someone said when the teacher called upon them to answer a question they just didn't reply, it made me laugh in a good way... and then I got teary eyed a few times because I can't believe we all put ourselves through this! Such a waste it feels like.

Anyway when I was in grade 11 I did co-op at a public school about 15 minutes away in the Kindergarten classroom. I used to leave my highschool at lunch to walk there at exactly the same time every day (down to the minute) as I timed it to get to the public school exactly when their lunch was ending. Sometimes I would get to the public school early, and I would go to the basement bathroom (where nobody went) and pretended to be doing things. I would wash my hands, brush my hair, read my agenda, etc. until the bell rang. I did all of this rather than waiting in the kindergarten room with the kindergarten teacher for all of the kids to come in from recess. My whole co-op entirety I lived in fear. I would sit in the back of the room waiting for the teacher to give me things to do for the kids and I felt like a burden the entire time.

I used to get so nervous when driving with others in the car, so much so that I would not be able to concentrate on driving and almost crashed my car a few times with everyone in it. Or I wouldn't be able to speak properly when driving since I was so nervous.

Whenever my brother has friends over, I run to my bedroom and put on makeup, fix my hair, etc. as to not look like crap.

In grade 12 I had a presentation in my third period class after lunch. To be able to present, my plan was to go home and get drunk at lunch. I went home for lunch and my brother was home. I waited until he left and then I ran for the peach schnapps and did like 7 shots in a row and hurried back to class. I ended up getting to class late because I had to wait for my brother to leave my house! I went up and did my presentation drunk and I dont think anyone noticed, but when I sat down one of my friends said that something smelled like booze.

I also did another co-op with a male teacher... I get really nervous around authoritative male figures and everytime he would approach me it was so aqwuard. I tried to make it look like I wasn't nervous at all but the more I did that the more aqwuard I became until the teacher began talking to me less and less.

As for things I do now, well an incident happened today that was pretty crappy for me.

I'm doing a group project with a group of people who I don't know and today we met up and talked about the project. I was dreading this meeting the entire week so when it finally came I instantly expected things to go horrible. I couldn't speak, I couldn't look anyone in the eyes, and I felt so horrible. I tried to make myself look less aqwuard by playing with my pen (pretending to be distracted), tapping my foot, reading my paper, etc. I barely contributed anything and when I did speak everyone just stared at me because my voice was meak and mumbled and I looked so nervous and aqwuard when I talked. 

At the end of the meeting I had to go meet my ride but I didnt say anything because I didnt want everyone to look at me. I waited for fifteen minutes and finally someone was like "werent you supposed to catch your ride like 15 minutes ago?" I said yes and left the meeting and I'm sure everyone was wondering why on Earth I didn't bring it up.

Ah I'm so sick of living like this truly


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## lane10s

i think the worst part is knowing that our feelings & the way we act sometimes is so ridiculous.


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## christie

-once i was taking a night class, and the school was in the very high crime part of the city, and i had to wait for the bus when class got out around 10pm.. a few classes in, one of the ladies who was also taking the class told me she saw me waiting for the bus and asked if i wanted to get rides with her, and i said i like taking the bus.. really i was scared out of my wits waiting for the bus down there, but i didn't want to inconvenience her, or have to make conversation. luckily nothing ever happened..

-when we had to do oral reports in school and we had 'research periods' in the library, i would just sit with my binder and an encyclopedia open, and not write anything. when the day came to report, i would skip school and either walk around, go to the city library, or go to the mall. one time i wandered around the city for the entire 6 hours i was supposed to be at school.


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## citizen_erased

taxgirl said:


> I have a terrible time trying to speak in front of a large group (more than 2 or 3 people) or in front of unfamiliar people. I hate talking to strangers because I don't yet have a feel for what they think of me, or what is appropriate to say to them.


I'm exactly the same.

I've thought of another couple of things too.

When i'm on this website at home i always minimize the page or switch to another one if i leave the room or if someone else enters the room, just in case they see that i'm on an SA website and decide to mention it to me :um

I've also noticed that it takes me a lot longer to eat anything when i'm with anyone i don't know very well, cos i worry that the noise is annoying them, so i chew slowly and try to eat really quietly. I also get self-conscious about how i look when i eat and having little bits of food around my mouth.. ops


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## Spring

citizen_erased said:


> When i'm on this website at home i always minimize the page or switch to another one if i leave the room or if someone else enters the room, just in case they see that i'm on an SA website and decide to mention it to me :um


ahh me too, when I'm on a site like this I always have a blank tab next to it on the window and if someone comes in (like my mum) I quickly switch to the blank tab and minimize the screen so the website doesn't show and on the menu bar at the bottom it doesn't have 'social anxiety support'


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## holtby43

Spring said:


> ahh me too, when I'm on a site like this I always have a blank tab next to it on the window and if someone comes in (like my mum) I quickly switch to the blank tab and minimize the screen so the website doesn't show and on the menu bar at the bottom it doesn't have 'social anxiety support'


haha, same! It's like habit now always having a blank tab.


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## slyfox

I rarely let people see what I watch on tv. I close my door when I leave my room. I try to keep the volume of my tv low enough so nobody outside of my room can hear what is being said.

When I go to the dentist I try to show no interest in the tv when they ask me what I want to watch(They have a small tv in the room). I mostly do this because I worry that they might judge me based on what programs I watch.


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## Mc Borg

slylikeafox said:


> I rarely let people see what I watch on tv. I close my door when I leave my room. I try to keep the volume of my tv low enough so nobody outside of my room can hear what is being said.
> 
> When I go to the dentist I try to show no interest in the tv when they ask me what I want to watch(They have a small tv in the room). I mostly do this because I worry that they might judge me based on what programs I watch.


I do stuff similar, it depends on what I'm watching though. I do it more when I'm on the internet though, if somebody is walking behind me I'll minimize the browser so they don't see what I'm doing.


----------



## nothing to fear

Mc Borg said:


> slylikeafox said:
> 
> 
> 
> I rarely let people see what I watch on tv. I close my door when I leave my room. I try to keep the volume of my tv low enough so nobody outside of my room can hear what is being said.
> 
> When I go to the dentist I try to show no interest in the tv when they ask me what I want to watch(They have a small tv in the room). I mostly do this because I worry that they might judge me based on what programs I watch.
> 
> 
> 
> I do stuff similar, it depends on what I'm watching though. I do it more when I'm on the internet though, if somebody is walking behind me I'll minimize the browser so they don't see what I'm doing.
Click to expand...

i've done that with the tv for most of my life, except that i'll be watching tv in the living room and change whatever show or turn it off when my mum comes in. it's silly that i should care so much about what my mum, of all people, thinks about what i watch on tv.
i also do that with the computer. actually, lately i haven't minimized the window which is strange since i've done that for the previous 18 years (or whenever i started using the computer). but i would always do it if it was a personal since such as this one.


----------



## Mc Borg

nothing_to_fear said:


> [quote="Mc Borg":845s66zb]
> 
> 
> slylikeafox said:
> 
> 
> 
> I rarely let people see what I watch on tv. I close my door when I leave my room. I try to keep the volume of my tv low enough so nobody outside of my room can hear what is being said.
> 
> When I go to the dentist I try to show no interest in the tv when they ask me what I want to watch(They have a small tv in the room). I mostly do this because I worry that they might judge me based on what programs I watch.
> 
> 
> 
> I do stuff similar, it depends on what I'm watching though. I do it more when I'm on the internet though, if somebody is walking behind me I'll minimize the browser so they don't see what I'm doing.
Click to expand...

i've done that with the tv for most of my life, except that i'll be watching tv in the living room and change whatever show or turn it off when my mum comes in. it's silly that i should care so much about what my mum, of all people, thinks about what i watch on tv.
i also do that with the computer. actually, lately i haven't minimized the window which is strange since i've done that for the previous 18 years (or whenever i started using the computer). but i would always do it if it was a personal since such as this one.[/quote:845s66zb]
I do it more when my dad comes in, if I'm watching something in the living room and my dad walks in I'll give him the remote and go to my room.


----------



## nubly

BluOrchid said:


> citizen_erased said:
> 
> 
> 
> I never go in the staff room at work at lunch time cos i know it'll be crowded. In fact, i only ever go in there to get to the kitchen to make hot drinks.
> 
> When in busy places like shops and supermarkets i change direction to avoid going through the busier bits and having to say "excuse me" to anyone who is in my way.
> 
> 
> 
> That's exactly how I am...
> 
> I like to hide out in my cubicle during lunch time.
Click to expand...

me too. i usually eat at my desk and if the lunch room is crowded, i dont go in it


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## sdavis86

Every time i get to class and the teacher is not yet there the class waits outside the door. They usually talk to each other and stuff like that. I avoid this though by waiting in the restroom a few minutes or walking around the building until the class has entered the room.


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## John H

I'd like to share something from when I was quite young....

I remember one time, when I was about 9 or 10, I was at a family gathering at my aunts house because my uncle had died. There was a lot of family and other people there, it was crowded, I was extemely anxious and uncomfortable. I kind of snuck upstairs to get away from the people. I was there for just a little while when I heard someone coming up the stairs. It was an old house and the room I was in had sloped cielings on either side with short closets along the bottoms. I hid in one of these. The person who was coming up the stairs came into the room, it turned out to be my Aunt. She walked arround a bit then came right over to the closet that I was hiding in and opened the door. There I was, a little boy hunched in the clothes hiding. She just says to me " What are you doing???". I had no answer for her, stammering, embarassment, frozen. Finally she just says to to go back downstair. Back downstairs to try to endure being arround the crowd of people....

There are other goofy/wierd/embarassing stuff but this was the first that popped to mind

John H


----------



## Mc Borg

John H said:


> I'd like to share something from when I was quite young....
> 
> I remember one time, when I was about 9 or 10, I was at a family gathering at my aunts house because my uncle had died. There was a lot of family and other people there, it was crowded, I was extemely anxious and uncomfortable. I kind of snuck upstairs to get away from the people. I was there for just a little while when I heard someone coming up the stairs. It was an old house and the room I was in had sloped cielings on either side with short closets along the bottoms. I hid in one of these. The person who was coming up the stairs came into the room, it turned out to be my Aunt. She walked arround a bit then came right over to the closet that I was hiding in and opened the door. There I was, a little boy hunched in the clothes hiding. She just says to me " What are you doing???". I had no answer for her, stammering, embarassment, frozen. Finally she just says to to go back downstair. Back downstairs to try to endure being arround the crowd of people....
> 
> There are other goofy/wierd/embarassing stuff but this was the first that popped to mind
> 
> John H


I remember once in the 9th grade, there was a school assembly and I got extremely anxious, walked to this one room which was one of the counselors office, who knew that I had SA and would let me eat in there during lunch. Well, I saw that nobody was in there so I pretended like I was gonna use the bathroom and hide in there, until school was over, luckily nobody walked in. I attempted that another time, sitting on the side of the couch, out of site in case somebody checked if somebody was in there, and sure enough, after being in there for 15 minutes or so, somebody walked in and found me, now that was embarassing.


----------



## jordana

-- In high school, I would spend entire breaks in the bathroom putting makeup on in the stall (I didn't want to look in the mirror along with anyone else for fear that they will think I was ugly, talk to me, or wonder why I didn't have any friends to talk to during break)

Sorry this is so long  I, too, used to pretend I was doing other things online instead of immediately responding to people's IMs, because I was afraid of looking too eager/clingy. Or I would pretend to type slower. To this day I feel like I always type more than people in emails, on forums, or in IMs, and they think I'm weird because of it  I have a "friend" who I am completely avoiding because she refuses to email me to talk about things, she will only call me on the phone. I just can't verbalize all of this stuff!!! If I tell her how I am doing now, she is just going to tell me I need to go see a therapist, which I am not ready for yet.

Oh, and forget about my cell phone.... I rarely answer it unless it is my husband (sometimes I ignore him too when I am somewhere I am not supposed to be-- like shopping). I can't call people back. I get too anxious about it. My parents HATE that and they have told me several times. UGhhhhh.... I lie and say my phone is messed up (which honestly sometimes it is because I let the battery die), but they still lecture me about it. And my Mom talks to my brother and SIL about it and they say "yeah she doesn't call us back either". I HATE how they talk about me like that. My SIL and my parents are going to be an entirely different post!! :sigh[/quote]

completely agree w/ the above!!!!! BTW, don't even know why I'm bothering to post this on page 25, not like anyone will actually read it, but..

- whenever I got to HS early b/c of the bus or when I drove myself and there was no traffic, I'd have like no one to talk to/walk around with/visit at lockers like everyone else did who got there early, so I'd spend all the time in the bathroom fixing myself. Also did this during breaks if I saw someoen I didn't want to talk to.

I can answer the door, but I never answer my house phone (or cell phone too for that matter.. only when my bf calls) I hate talking to people and being stuck on the phone, and I NEVER call people back. My mom gets so pissed at me that I never answer my cell. And I'll just let the house phone ring until someone else picks it up so I don't have to talk to anyone.

- totally used to space out my IM responses so that it didn't look like I was only talking to like two people. That's why I stopped going online during college - no point if you only really talk to a very few number of people just to say hi and that's it.

pathetic.. well not the online part.. people are just too addicted to constant communication esp online, but everything else is ridiculous SA-avoidance.


----------



## jordana

> -- In high school, I would spend entire breaks in the bathroom putting makeup on in the stall (I didn't want to look in the mirror along with anyone else for fear that they will think I was ugly, talk to me, or wonder why I didn't have any friends to talk to during break)
> 
> Sorry this is so long  I, too, used to pretend I was doing other things online instead of immediately responding to people's IMs, because I was afraid of looking too eager/clingy. Or I would pretend to type slower. To this day I feel like I always type more than people in emails, on forums, or in IMs, and they think I'm weird because of it  I have a "friend" who I am completely avoiding because she refuses to email me to talk about things, she will only call me on the phone. I just can't verbalize all of this stuff!!! If I tell her how I am doing now, she is just going to tell me I need to go see a therapist, which I am not ready for yet.
> 
> Oh, and forget about my cell phone.... I rarely answer it unless it is my husband (sometimes I ignore him too when I am somewhere I am not supposed to be-- like shopping). I can't call people back. I get too anxious about it. My parents HATE that and they have told me several times. UGhhhhh.... I lie and say my phone is messed up (which honestly sometimes it is because I let the battery die), but they still lecture me about it. And my Mom talks to my brother and SIL about it and they say "yeah she doesn't call us back either". I HATE how they talk about me like that. My SIL and my parents are going to be an entirely different post!! :sigh


completely agree w/ the above!!!!! BTW, don't even know why I'm bothering to post this on page 25, not like anyone will actually read it, but..

- whenever I got to HS early b/c of the bus or when I drove myself and there was no traffic, I'd have like no one to talk to/walk around with/visit at lockers like everyone else did who got there early, so I'd spend all the time in the bathroom fixing myself. Also did this during breaks if I saw someoen I didn't want to talk to.

I can answer the door, but I never answer my house phone (or cell phone too for that matter.. only when my bf calls) I hate talking to people and being stuck on the phone, and I NEVER call people back. My mom gets so pissed at me that I never answer my cell. And I'll just let the house phone ring until someone else picks it up so I don't have to talk to anyone.

- totally used to space out my IM responses so that it didn't look like I was only talking to like two people. That's why I stopped going online during college - no point if you only really talk to a very few number of people just to say hi and that's it.

pathetic.. well not the online part.. people are just too addicted to constant communication esp online, but everything else is ridiculous SA-avoidance.


----------



## sdavis86

When people I don't know ask me how I'm doing or other questions I will ask them to repeat themselves several times and tell them that I have bad hearing so I can figure out what I should say back to them... pathetic! :sigh


----------



## shy_chick

I'll read through the other 23 pages I've not read later....
I worked through breaks at school (library if I could  ) to avoid sitting alone in public
Left early/late so I could travel when there were less people
sneaked out of parties/social events early and ran off home often lying about why
Flushed the toilet to pretend I'd "gone" and gone back when people had left/were more noisy
Hid in the toilet as it was the only private place
Hid from people I knew/pretended not to have seen them so I wouldn't have to talk to them
Hid when the doorbell rang
Not opened windows on public transport as couldn't work out how it opened and didn't want to fail to open it in public
Went long ways around shops as people were in the way and I was too shy to ask them to let me past
Try and put right mistakes at work secretly in case anyone finds out
Choose parking spaces based on who is watching, gone ways I didn't want to as too afraid of taking a new turning and missing where the lane went with people watching
Ignored it when people called my name as it was usually for someone else with my name, (I had to stop doing that as in increasingly it was aimed at me as I got older).
Stayed glued to a buffet because eating is easier than talking
Sent emails to avoid using the phone
I once refused karaoke in front of tens of people and people said it would have been less embarrassing to do it than just stay rooted to the spot repeatedly refusing!
Publically snogged someone I didn't even like who approached me because it would make me look more normal to my classmates
I played a 2 person ball game on my own by swapping sides of the washing line :lol and at even 10/11 pretended I had a riding school and played with model horses/toys and made stuff for it as had no friends to do stuff with
Been unable to leave or approach people as they were talking and didn't have the confidence to interrrupt-often making myself late, or stopping me talking to people I needed to


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## morningmud

In high school, I would hide out in the restroom at lunch & break times so I wouldn't be seen alone anywhere. I guess ppl wondered why that stall was always occupied. lol


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## citizen_erased

slylikeafox said:


> I rarely let people see what I watch on tv. I close my door when I leave my room. I try to keep the volume of my tv low enough so nobody outside of my room can hear what is being said.


Me too. Or i'll quickly mute the tv or change the channel so they don't know what i'm watching and can't judge me on it.


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## russophile1977

I wash my laundry by hand in my kitchen sink because I don't want to go to a laundromat. If somebody took me to one and I figured out, by watching them, where to pay and how to use the machines and everything, I'd be able to do it again every week. But it's that first time that I'm avoiding.


----------



## nothing to fear

i've been in many situations where i had to speak up about something but never did.


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## Jenikyula

How do you guys remember all of this stuff? o.o I guess I'll try to recall my own experiences...

I hide in my room when guests come over.
I can't write/think/function in class if the teacher is watching me or near me.
I avoid the seventh and third floor at school.
I look around corners before walking around them at school.
I walk up and down corridors to avoid people.
I flee from people sometimes.
I rummage around in my bag, pretending to be looking for something.
My mom was trying to get me to get this guy's autograph, and I was like "NO" and I almost pushed her down stairs. 
I delay answering e-mails for forever, and I only have 3 friends to IM.
I will get mad if someone tries to take my photo.

I do a lot weirder things that have nothing to do with my SA, though. I am so awkward and different from most people I am around. I swear, my mind just seems to work differently. I always think something that no one else is thinking. I feel so....wrong all the time. =/


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## BluOrchid

On many occasions I would leave the store without buying whatever it was I needed because I felt intimidated by the cute cashier. *sigh* I’m such a dumb a55!!


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## Mc Borg

A couple years back my parents had a party at my house, I remember being outside when the first car drove up, I didn't want to go inside because the visitors would see me and attempt to talk to me, so I decided that I would stay outside for awhile. I was riding my bike by the way, I rode around eventually goin to this one spot that is my secret place. It started to get dark and by this time many more people were at my house, I was already outside for hours and couldn't take being out there and needed to get in the house somehow, it was like I was a special operations dude, trying to sneak up on the target. I went around and jumped the fence in my backyard, snuck up to my parents window, climbed in a stayed in there until everybody left. Also, once I was in there I was pretending like I was sleeping in case somebody walked in. ops ops ops


----------



## minimized

Hmm there are so many things that I probably forgot.

I hid in stalls
I avoided eating with my class after a field trip so I don't have to be alone
I wouldn't play games like basketball in gym so I didn't embarrass myself
I close my browser when someone is nearby
I don't answer the phone
I don't answer the doorbell
I sat through a class I wasn't supposed to be in because I was afraid of speaking up
I avoid cameras at all cost
I don't initiate conversations
I avoid school bathrooms, hide when others come in
Dropping stuff and not being able to ask/say thanks
Pretending I don't see what people drop so I don't feel stupid picking it up
Going the wrong way walking home and not turning around because people were watching
Skipping practice so I didn't have to go over someone's house/ask for a ride
When I was really young I refused to go to baseball practice because I was afraid
Not speaking up... like if someone gives me the wrong food or forgets to give me back something they borrowed
Sitting outside my door because I can't ask to get it unlocked
Turning my music down so others can't hear
Still go around people instead of saying "excuse me"
Sending e-mails to avoid the phone
Writing instead of speaking to doctors/talking through my mom
Hiding on IM programs
Getting to the bus stop early to avoid being late/not finding a seat
Tried hiding to avoid school assemblies, etc.
Not entering a class unless there are at least a few others inside
Refusing to get rides to school
Never leaving my room unless necessary
Contemplated using empty bottles as um... to avoid using this bathroom 
Hiding my mouth
When I was really young I was in a church choir and didn't sing xD
Successfully avoided getting my picture taken for the 8th grade yearbook
Not eating when at someone's house out of embarrassment
Not being able to say I want to leave
Wore my PE uni under my clothes to avoid changing in front of others
Quit playing sports
Buses... wait for others to pull the stop chord
Avoiding being alone with a teacher
Pretending nobody was on the other line if someone called and I picked up
Don't use urinals
Avoiding young people working a cash register
Pretending to wash my hands until people leave
Using the bathroom at the far end of the hall because someone was in the other one
Constantly stare at the floor
Not calling classmates if I didn't know the assignment/never asking for help
Don't roll down car windows so people can't hear music
Sitting alone at lunch doing homework/eating quickly to get out
Obsessing over grades to meet people's expectations
As far as wetting... let's leave it at that
Making my mom call teachers and stuff is something was wrong
Pretty much always worked alone
Wouldn't shower when I was dragged to camp-outs with my church group
In 5th grade my mom bought Valentines cards (which we all passed out to the whole class) and I hide them in my dresser so I didn't have to hand them out
Will try to find things online instead of asking for help
Wouldn't contribute to graduation ceremony, aka speaking into mic
In 2nd grade I cried after messing up reading out loud
Wouldn't grab treats at church, school, etc.
Not dancing at prom
Dodge people at Walmart (going down an empty isle)
Slow down so nobody holds the door open for me
Walk fast so I don't have to hold the door open
I let others choose the tv channel and radio station so I don't appear lame
Won't let anyone watch me practice instruments, sports, whatever

I'm sure there are plenty more. I've read up to page 8 of this thread.

Can you see how pathetic I (still) am?


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## Mc Borg

Glad I'm not the only one Vai and Soundless I've done pretty much everything on your list.


----------



## LarryM

Lots of the stuff people have listed above.

One wierd thing I did when I was working was to leave the house way early so I go go park and not be around family or co-workers for at least an hour a day. 

Just need the alone time....


----------



## ThirdEyeGrind

When I'm at a light in my car I try and act like im fooling with something or messing with the radio so I don't look at anyone next to me.


----------



## Marylandgreeneyes

Sorry guys, But I'm going to post the winner right here. 

When I was 16 I was taking drivers ed at a school ( in maryland they dont teach it in school, u have to sign up with an outside company that usually just runs it in the school). So, I often get terrible diarrhea, I think its anxiety related, I could just be busted on the insides. Anyways, I walk to the bathroom and the entire basketball team was in there, so I walked out. I went outside and stood there like a statue...trying to hold it in. Since the rest of the school was gated off, there was only that one bathroom. Please god...please no...ill do anything...ILL BUILD CHURCHES, I BECOME A PRIEST IF YOU JUST LET ME NOT.....too late. Yes...its true, I **** my pants at age 16. Go me -_- Luckily I walked there, and it was night time, so I just walked home with a load in my pants. You win this round anxiety...you win this round.


----------



## bestchao14

Marylandgreeneyes said:


> Sorry guys, But I'm going to post the winner right here.
> 
> When I was 16 I was taking drivers ed at a school ( in maryland they dont teach it in school, u have to sign up with an outside company that usually just runs it in the school). So, I often get terrible diarrhea, I think its anxiety related, I could just be busted on the insides. Anyways, I walk to the bathroom and the entire basketball team was in there, so I walked out. I went outside and stood there like a statue...trying to hold it in. Since the rest of the school was gated off, there was only that one bathroom. Please god...please no...ill do anything...ILL BUILD CHURCHES, I BECOME A PRIEST IF YOU JUST LET ME NOT.....too late. Yes...its true, I @#%$ my pants at age 16. Go me -_- Luckily I walked there, and it was night time, so I just walked home with a load in my pants. You win this round anxiety...you win this round.


That story is so sad... You're being pretty brave by even telling us about it, braver than me for sure.


----------



## Marylandgreeneyes

I think if anyone was there to witness it, I'd think about it hatefully everyday. Buuut only my brother knew at the time, so honestly I think its funny. LETS NEVER TALK OF THIS AGAIN


----------



## Cosmin

Just wow... I can relate to a lot of the stuff posted here; most of it happened (and still does) to me al least once and the really weird thing is that I didn't realise it wasn't that normal... oke 

Here's a major one that happened more recently and what screwed up my life for good. Last year, this time I dropped uni (SA, of course) and I never went there to get my high school diploma because I was just too anxious. Instead I went to all the trouble of declaring it legally lost and had a replicate made from the high school. All this took about 3 weeks, a lot of trips to various institutes and it wasn't cheap either, but more importantly, if I ever want to go back to uni, they'll find out what I did and the penalty is 2 years probation. Nice...


----------



## Mc Borg

I live right next to some train tracks, and whenever I'm outside while the train passes I duck behind the fence.. ops ops ops ops


----------



## Tristram

Hard to think of any specific situations. If I see someone I know from school or somewhere, but don't really know whether I should say "hi" to them or not (greeting people is something I have major problems with), I sometimes take a turn or quickly take cover in the nearest store.


----------



## Queenie

..


----------



## Catharsis

Can't really remember high school, I at least had friends to hang out with. Never took the bus though because it made me too nervous taking the bus with people from school. I also ended up skipping a lot of assemblies. Now in university, people are either at different schools or don't have the same schedule as me, so I spend most of the time alone.

Weird stuff I do:

- always in the library when I have a break, even if my friends have a break the same time as me

- Skip class if I know there's going to group work involved, sometimes I'll just sneak out during the middle of the class if it's "surprise" group work

- Skip class if I'm even 5 minutes late because I hate having people stare at me when I walk in and everything is all quiet...ugh

- If I have some sort of garbage and I'm in class, I'll stuff it in my bag instead of just throwing it in the garbage because I think people will stare at me

- I won't do #2 in a public bathroom even if I'm dying of pain. There's only 1 bathroom I really like at my university, and I will go across campus just to use it ops 

- I can't speak to guys...at all

- avoid eye-contact at all cost

- scheduled my classes so I only have to go a few days a week, I also sometimes look at the room# and try to pick classes that take place in theaters instead of classrooms because no one notices you in a theatre of 500 students

- taking the stairs if people are waiting for the elevator

I'd say more, but I fear someone will identify me :tiptoe


----------



## GuitarPunk2512

- i avoid social gatherings, potential relationships, being wiht unfamiliar people or girls.

-i avoid getting a job b/c i wory about who im going to talk to there stuff...am i going to be the only 16 yr old with a bunch of colleg age kids?

-im not big on showing emotion...such as pep rally ... i sat near people i know but didnt talk to them so i was liek alone...bu eveyone was having fun and dancing and shyt and i just sat there...which i usually do for everything.

-im nervous about driving since i just got my permit not too long ago.. im afraid tat im gonna cause an accident or im pissing peaople off for going to slow or something. 

-when im with people i no... i talk alot. when people i dont know show up...my mind goes blank and i shut up and usually end up leaving.

-i hate talking in class...some days im more talkative, most days im just quiet, never move or say anything.

-everyday for the last 4-5 years .. since 7th grade or so .. i have done nothing but go to school, come hom, go on th pc, play the same songs on my guitar for years, make up excuses to not hang out when i get that unusual let hang out i/m, and go to bed

-i curse ALOT...i say F*** excessivley and i think it offends people and i realize how annoying it sounds but i cant help it...its like when the preppy people have to say "like" after every word, well i use F***.

-im negative, im always complainging about something, im the party pooper, i kill everything, im too hard on myself and put myself down alot, im self concious, im not that funny, blank mind, like unusal things, ect. my negativity gets pople mad and people have commented me on how im so negative.

- i dont liek to smile , when i do its some cheesy *** fake small grin kind of thing.

-idn if is from SA, but i repeat myself alot, i cant let things go .. like when i got yelled at lunch for popping a water bottle...i kept bringing it up and my freinds got mad and told me to shut the *&* up.

-i talk really quietly, my voice sounds loud in my head but quiet to everyone else. when i try talking in a nice calm way...my voice is either dead or cracks and it embarasses me so i dont like to that...you no the typical "hey" in the hall or something 

-i overannylise stuff and anticipate too much. i get really nervous long before events just thinking about it, the closer i get the more nervous and anxious i get. i shake alot and my voice dies out and i feel like my stomach is dropping and i sweat before and during stuff, but aftrwards i feel good that i got it over with, and somewhat proud of myself.

-i hate converations, i also hate the phone and when people rely on me to keep convrsations going, lately i havent talked on aim cuz i run out of convo material cuz ppl rely on me too much now to talk

i think thats about it, theres probally more


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## CutieBoots

russophile1977 said:


> I wash my laundry by hand in my kitchen sink because I don't want to go to a laundromat. If somebody took me to one and I figured out, by watching them, where to pay and how to use the machines and everything, I'd be able to do it again every week. But it's that first time that I'm avoiding.


ugh! "First times"

I hear ya.


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## kevinffcp

Stay late in the night keeping posting on SAS forum.....


----------



## TheGecko

soundlessenigma said:


> Hmm there are so many things that I probably forgot.
> [stuff]
> 
> Can you see how pathetic I (still) am?


I do a lot of those as well so you aren't alone, except I never even went to my prom.


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## Jennifer1234

I can't believe some of these posts - I am doing so many of the same things. Thank God I am not a freak!

Here's mine:

In college, I avoided my roommate and most people altogether. I did make friends with a group of girls who drank incessantly. Drinking made me feel comfortable.

I eloped instead of having a big wedding. I couldn't bear the thought of 200 pairs of eyes on me for an entire day.

I have a really hard time answering the phone at home. By day, ironically, I'm in customer service and on the phone all day. Sometimes, if I have to make an outbound call, I will hang up before the person answers so I don't have to talk to them and will still have it count in my call quota.

Like one of the previous posters, I turn down the mirror in the car so I don't have to worry about going fast enough for the person behind me! I can't believe someone else does this. Thought it was just me.

I avoid people in the bathroom. I'll stay in the stall if they are washing their hands, and wait for them to leave.

I always eat lunch alone.

Once, at the gym, I spent the entire hour obsessing about someone there whom I thought was an acquaintance. I wondered the whole time if I should go up and say something, and what should I say. In the end, it wasn't even her.

I fake illnesses to get out of social events.

I sometimes drink too much at social events just to feel more comfortable. I tried not to drink at a couple of things over the holidays, and it was a killer.

I call people when I'm pretty sure I'll get their voicemail.

I anticipate and dread both the hello and the goodbye the most at parties/gatherings. 

WHEW....that felt good.


----------



## goose

Ha, I had something happen yesterday. We're selling our condo and the realtor was scheduled to come by yesterday at 1pm to take pictures of the place. At 1 I went to the stairwell, which hardly anyone uses thanks to the elevator, and hid in there for half an hour. The whole time I was thinking, "This is ridiculous, why are you doing this, blah blah blah." But I never came out until I thought he left. (Turns out he hadn't yet, but was only there about 5-10 more minutes and I pretended to be busy in another room.) :sigh


----------



## shyvr6

Catharsis said:


> - Skip class if I'm even 5 minutes late because I hate having people stare at me when I walk in and everything is all quiet...ugh


LoL, I did the same thing in high school. I even skipped my first period class because I missed so much of it to begin with. I ended taking night school in the end. :sigh


----------



## Jennifer1234

*Re: re: Weird stuff we do because of SA*



KatieLouise said:


> If I'm meeting someone, I have to know exactly where they'll be - I couldn't just 'meet at the train station' because I'm paranoid about not seeing people and looking like an idiot.
> 
> quote]
> 
> I do this too. Also, I'm afraid to pick people up at the airport curbside - I have to go in. I can't deal with the stress of looking for them and looking stupid to everyone else if I can't find them...or missing them and having them upset.


----------



## Jennifer1234

Also, I work for the same company my husband does. Sometimes I avoid him during the day because I don't know what to say. My HUSBAND for Christ's sake....


----------



## tomcoldaba

goose said:


> Ha, I had something happen yesterday. We're selling our condo and the realtor was scheduled to come by yesterday at 1pm to take pictures of the place. At 1 I went to the stairwell, which hardly anyone uses thanks to the elevator, and hid in there for half an hour. The whole time I was thinking, "This is ridiculous, why are you doing this, blah blah blah." But I never came out until I thought he left. (Turns out he hadn't yet, but was only there about 5-10 more minutes and I pretended to be busy in another room.) :sigh


I have done the same thing with my realtor. :yes


----------



## wootmehver

I turn my side view mirror down when I order at the drive thru at fast food places so people the the cars behind me can't see my face reflected in it. So they can't get a dentist eye view of my mouth or look up my nose.


----------



## HOW

I´ve walked home from school a couple times so that I wouldn´t have to sit or talk to people. Hid in bathrooms.


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## clobberthefour

first i'd like to say that it's a relief to hear that so many people do what i do too. 

i leave books and magazines face down in my own house just in case someone sees them and sees what i'm reading. when i walk by people i turn the book away from them so they can't see it. 

i cross streets so that i won't walk next to someone, walk extra far so i won't have to cross a street and make cars stop at a crosswalk 

i've never sat anywhere but the back row in a class 

i'll pretend like i'm checking the mail so that i don't have to get into an elevator with people at home

throughout high school i would pretend like i was sleeping and tired through class when i just didn't want to interact with anyone 

there's a ton more things but i'm getting drunk


----------



## uptheanty

When Im driving i always turn the mirrors down, that way if i cant see the cars there not there, and i dont have to worry...but of course i still do.

At work for month and months i would sit in my car at lunch breaks in 40 degree heat celcius i would sweat and be so uncomfortable, but it was more comfortable than going in the break room, turns out the break room isnt so bad, 

when theres a 5 min break at uni ill hide in the toilets, and in a long break i will do "laps" of the campus i will just walk and walk and walk, making it look like im doing something, i cant bear to sit alone.

Order things online, and wait weeks for them to arrive rather than just going out and getting them instantly

oh SA!


----------



## Raplovehate

I feared it, but I've began to get anxious about going to church. I actually drove all the way up to church, got a bulletin (to give the illusion I went the whole time), and came back home. It wasn't that I didn't want to come either.


----------



## trav777

Well this happened only about a month ago. Lot's of people were saying there would be a snow day on Friday (yay no school) but this meant the bus driver would be phoning in the morning to let us know there's no school. My parents were both working in the morning which meant I would have to pick the !#$%* thing up. Sure enough in the morning I heard the phone ring. I decided not to pick it up thinking it was too early in the morning and I would pick it up next time she phones. 5 minutes laster she phones again and again until it was like 13x in a row. After that I finally got the guts to pick up the phone and came up with some lame story about how I was still in bed. HA...


----------



## Mc Borg

When I was younger I got sent to the office, and lied to the principal when she asked me my parents phone number...I shrugged and said 'I dont know' even though I did.


----------



## Traeynne

if i'm even five minutes late for a class, i'll either go home or wait in the library till the next class begins. i can't handle my classmates and teacher looking at me.

once i got on a bus, realized it was the wrong direction, but stayed on for about 8 stops before getting off (making me 25 mins. late) because i didnt want the bus driver and passangers to think i was stupid.

in gr. 9 i didnt have any friends so at lunch i took the city bus, rode it for 30 mins, got off, and caught the bus going the other way, back to school. i did this every day for an entire semester. then i graduated to under stairwells. 

i only shop by myself at loblaws and walmart because they have self-checkouts.


----------



## Traeynne

uptheanty said:


> Order things online, and wait weeks for them to arrive rather than just going out and getting them instantly
> 
> oh SA!


good thing i don't have a credit card, otherwise i wouldn't even buy groceries in person


----------



## User57854

-


----------



## nothing to fear

^when i would skip school i did the same. i would ride around the subway all day, going to different libraries around the city to "hang out" on my own. haha. i spent way more time at the library that year than i did with friends and family combined.


----------



## blessed_ashley

WOW! This thread really made me realize that I suffer from social anxiety disorder. I've really been trying to figure why I am not enjoying my freshman year of college and now I know why.

Okay so on to the weird stuff...

I've called my mom to pick me up at an away basketball game because I thought I had the courage to go alone (without my friends) and just sit with people from school (it was a pretty big deal so half of my school was there). But i didn't. ***Like I said, I'm a freshman in college and...I've also _attempted_ to urinate in a plastic bottle so I wouldn't have to walk to the hall bathroom on our floor. But i quickly gave up that technique because i have bad aim (I'm a girl) and a bit got on my rug. Yuck! So my disdain for germs overpowers my fear of people. ***I also refused to go to many award ceremonies during high school. I just didn't give the letters to my parents except for an annual ceremony that I couldn't get out of. However I did kind of get out of this my senior year because i was proud of my accomplishments and wanted to see what i had missed over the years. Not much.***I act surprised when people speak to me (As if "oh, i didn't notice you there") even though i noticed them moments earlier. Oh and I HATE those seconds before you get close enough to someone to speak but you've already made eye contact. 
That's all I can think of for now.


----------



## Mc Borg

I just remembered this, sometimes when I'm watching a T.V show like The Tonight Show for example and see the audience laugh at the guest for saying or doing something wrong I'll change the channel...and sometimes I can tell that the guest is nervous and I can't watch it or I get anxious..


----------



## shyvr6

I'm like that borg. Sometimes I can't even watch romantic scenes or some 1 on 1 arguements on t.v. I have to look away or change the channel real quick.


----------



## ScaredofBeez

Yup I do the same thing. If someone is making a real fool of themselves on the tube it makes me cringe and I usually change the channel.


----------



## nothing to fear

i agree with the above posts... i hate witnissing something like that, "secondary embarrassment", especially in person instead of on tv. i almost feel as bad seeing someone embarrassed than i do when i would be in that situation, for some reason.


----------



## TheGecko

Mc Borg said:


> I just remembered this, sometimes when I'm watching a T.V show like The Tonight Show for example and see the audience laugh at the guest for saying or doing something wrong I'll change the channel...and sometimes I can tell that the guest is nervous and I can't watch it or I get anxious..


Oh god I do this too  I can't watch certain films or programs because I feel so bad for people, even if it's a fictitious character.


----------



## blessed_ashley

:ditto


----------



## Polar

Sometimes I pretend to be a foreigner, and I speak English when ordering food, or asking about stuff in a store, even when I'm in my home country. Hate to brag, but I consider my English to be better than most other's in this country, so it sort of gives me a confidence boost, and it relieves some pressure off me by putting *them* on the spot. 

Also, I do this because my local dialect is *terrible*. Most people more than 4 towns away don't understand what the heck I'm saying when I speak in my 'native dialect'.

*Carefully looks over his post for any ironic spelling/grammar mistakes.... ah, screw it!*


----------



## AcidicJuiceMotel

When I'm getting lunch at the pasta bar in the caf, I'll only get bread if they ask me if I want it. I won't ask for it myself, even if I want it.
I ate a pink chickenburger because I was too scared to complain about it being undercooked.


----------



## lyssado707

AcidicJuiceMotel said:


> When I'm getting lunch at the pasta bar in the caf, I'll only get bread if they ask me if I want it. I won't ask for it myself, even if I want it.
> I ate a pink chickenburger because I was too scared to complain about it being undercooked.


I once got nasty old chocolate milk but was too scared to complain to get a different milk or a refund.

Hmm a couple other nutty things?

Well, I'll walk down through the books in the library instead of going around them so that more people can see me walk.

I used to stand away from all the people at the bus stop until I saw the bus coming and would run up.

Anywhere I go I'll always scan the whole place for familar people before I can let my guard down.


----------



## isolated

When I was in Year 8, I hadn't done my homework and new that the teacher would give me the cuts(ruler) so I went to him immediately before class and asked him if he could give me the ruler before everyone else arrived. It makes me laugh now but I was terrified of being embarrassed in front of the class at the time. I would also refuse to get up and give a talk in front of the class because I was petrified. I would sit there and sweat and shake and feel myself going red and hot at the thought of it.


----------



## embers

I write people instead of calling them to make plans. I'm bad at phone.


----------



## refined_rascal

...


----------



## tomcoldaba

At work, my boss was getting into the elevator. I was behind him. I could have taken the elevator with him. Instead, I took the stairs. lol


----------



## blueFsharp

i'll go without going to the bathroom for the looooongest time.
its highly uncomfortable, my god.
anything to not have to leave class during lecture/leave my room with people in the common area/use a public bathroom with other people in it, haha. how lame i am.


----------



## blueFsharp

Traeynne said:


> if i'm even five minutes late for a class, i'll either go home or wait in the library till the next class begins. i can't handle my classmates and teacher looking at me.


oh, and i do this sometimes too. which is bad because i have a chronic-five minute-late problem in my life. two semesters ago i didn't go to class for two months because it kept building upon itself (i was late for the first day so i didnt go, then i had missed the first day so i couldnt go to the second, blah blah).

let me tell you, the results of that handiwork took a lot to undo.


----------



## nothing to fear

tomcoldaba said:


> At work, my boss was getting into the elevator. I was behind him. I could have taken the elevator with him. Instead, I took the stairs. lol


i do stuff like this too. i walk into the washroom at work and if i hear someone in the stalls then i immediately turn around and walk out. if i have to go to the photocopy room to get water and i see someone standing there i won't go in, and i'll wait until they get out to avoid having to make dreaded small talk.


----------



## CoconutHolder

I enjoy wearing sunglasses outside in the summertime.

This way ppl don't know if I'm looking at them and I can look around all nonchalantly and stuff and no one has to know what I'm looking at. 

I have a hard time adapting to summer wear. I feel naked when I have to start wearing shorts and stuff. I feel all "exposed."


----------



## citizen_erased

At work i avoid going into the staff room wherever possible, esp at lunchtime cos i know it'll be busy, as will be the tiny adjoining staff kitchen.

I also avoid going upstairs or to the area round the corner from my desk to see a member of staff wherever possible.

Try and let other people answer the door so i don't have to deal with them.

:afr


----------



## jessiee2

embers said:


> I write people instead of calling them to make plans. I'm bad at phone.


Me too! I don't know what it is about the phone that makes me so nervous.


----------



## its_a_rick

citizen_erased said:


> Try and let other people answer the door so i don't have to deal with them.


I do that ^ too, same thing goes for the phone.

During lunch breaks at school I usually put my trash in my bag and throw it away at home to avoid attracting any attention from getting up and walking to a thrashcan.


----------



## TheGecko

its_a_rick said:


> During lunch breaks at school I usually put my trash in my bag and throw it away at home to avoid attracting any attention from getting up and walking to a thrashcan.


Heh I did that too when I was at school/work.


----------



## VCL XI

the_outsider said:


> I only wear dark colored shirts so that it's harder to notice how profusely I sweat. And it's totally because of the anxiety because I can be working out at home and hardly even break a sweat and then as soon as I step outside, almost immediately, I can feel the drops of sweat starting to roll down my sides.


Same here, but it doesn't work - I always have embarrassing white salt stains in my shirt at the end of the day.


----------



## Mc Borg

GordonGecko said:


> its_a_rick said:
> 
> 
> 
> During lunch breaks at school I usually put my trash in my bag and throw it away at home to avoid attracting any attention from getting up and walking to a thrashcan.
> 
> 
> 
> Heh I did that too when I was at school/work.
Click to expand...

I've done that also.


----------



## IllusionOfHappiness

CoconutHolder said:


> I have a hard time adapting to summer wear. I feel naked when I have to start wearing shorts and stuff. I feel all "exposed."


Same here. Explains why my legs are deathly white.


----------



## Melmo

When Im watching tv, certain scenes make my anxiety flare up. For example when I watch a romantic movie and there is a kissing scene or something and that in itself doesn't bother me. But then my dad comes in the room, watches for a few moments and asks me what I'm watching. Sometimes, even though I know the name of the show/movie im watching, I'll say I dont know the name of it. Also applies to scenes where someone is doing something stupid/childish/embarassing and someone is in the room watching aswell. This never bothers me if im the only one watching.


----------



## fragacer

When I was in school, I would tell my mom I was sick, act the part, then stay in my room all day. When she got home, I pretended to be sleeping, so that she wouldn't confront me about it. Since she didn't have much time to talk in the mornings, she never confronted me then. I did this usually at least once a week. Eventually she figured it out, and I was somehow able to be excused for most of the days, after my mom and therapist talked with them. So I kept doing it, and it turned into a habit. I also stopped riding the bus to and from school starting in middle school. I'd either walk 7+ miles or get rides from my mom. I also never ate lunch at school. Instead, I pretended to be really interested in the few books the schools had, and sat down to "read".

In rooms full of people, I've spent a lot of time just staring at the ground trying to avoid looking at anybody, afraid that they'd look back and maybe even try to start a conversation. 

Often times, old friends or people trying to become friends will try and get a hold of me, and I either ignore their messages or tell them I'm really busy, when all I'm almost never busy. Unfortunately, I've noticed/heard that a lot of people think it means I just don't like them which in most cases is far from the truth. 

I used to skateboard a lot with a friend of mine, but whenever anybody else was around, I would just sit down and watch him and the other people skateboard or try and think of an excuse to leave. I was asked a few times why I wasn't skating, and each time I just smiled back, not saying a word. 

I'm sure there's all kinds of other things I could think of. This feels really good to get out. This 'thread' or whatever it's called is a great idea. And I like reading all the other posts. :lurk


----------



## Mc Borg

Melmo said:


> When Im watching tv, certain scenes make my anxiety flare up. For example when I watch a romantic movie and there is a kissing scene or something and that in itself doesn't bother me. But then my dad comes in the room, watches for a few moments and asks me what I'm watching. Sometimes, even though I know the name of the show/movie im watching, I'll say I dont know the name of it. Also applies to scenes where someone is doing something stupid/childish/embarassing and someone is in the room watching aswell. This never bothers me if im the only one watching.


I do the exact same thing, lieing about knowing the name of the show, getting anxious when somebody walks in and watches, especially something romantic. I also have no problem watching it while alone, but sometimes I get anxious just wondering if somebody is gonna walk into the room while I'm watching it. I'll also change the channel quick and pretend like I'm channel surfing.

Fragacer, I did the same thing when my freinds and I used to build ramps and BMX. I would ramp and stuff but when other kids would come I would just watch.


----------



## AlekParker

i don't do this anymore...but...

In college I used to stay in my dorm room all day and be scared to even walk down the hall to use the bathroom. So, I'd pee in jars then throw them into the trash later at night... :banana


----------



## citizen_erased

Melmo said:


> When Im watching tv, certain scenes make my anxiety flare up. For example when I watch a romantic movie and there is a kissing scene or something and that in itself doesn't bother me. But then my dad comes in the room, watches for a few moments and asks me what I'm watching. Sometimes, even though I know the name of the show/movie im watching, I'll say I dont know the name of it. Also applies to scenes where someone is doing something stupid/childish/embarassing and someone is in the room watching aswell. This never bothers me if im the only one watching.


Yeah me too. This is why i usually watch tv alone.

I also sometimes cross the road to avoid passing people in their drives and stuff.


----------



## Motoman

For some reason I don't like stopping my car beside another in traffic so the driver can see me. I will always stagger when I stop. I would also go to the computer room in school for lunch, I avoided going outside with everyone else like the plague.


----------



## TheGecko

Melmo said:


> When Im watching tv, certain scenes make my anxiety flare up. For example when I watch a romantic movie and there is a kissing scene or something and that in itself doesn't bother me. But then my dad comes in the room, watches for a few moments and asks me what I'm watching. Sometimes, even though I know the name of the show/movie im watching, I'll say I dont know the name of it. Also applies to scenes where someone is doing something stupid/childish/embarassing and someone is in the room watching aswell. This never bothers me if im the only one watching.


I am the exact same way. Wow sometimes this site amazes me, I honestly thought I was the only one who did this.

If I recommend a film or TV program to someone, I can't relax at all if I watch it with them because I feel like if they don't like it then they'll think I'm stupid/boring :sigh that's one reason why I keep my opinions about things secret in real life.


----------



## Pinzelhead

Yeah. I hate when I'm watching tv and there is stupid love scene of romantic scene and other people are around. I feel very anxious and think people can and are reading my mind and know that I am experiencing emotions.


----------



## AlekParker

Motoman said:


> For some reason I don't like stopping my car beside another in traffic so the driver can see me. I will always stagger when I stop. I would also go to the computer room in school for lunch, I avoided going outside with everyone else like the plague.


DUDE!! I had the same prob. Especially when your stopped in the front of an intersection. Then i'd tense up, my heart would start pounding hard and i'd look at the steering wheel cuz i'd think everyone was looking at me!! It's all in our heads!!!!


----------



## nothing to fear

when your on the bus and at your stop you go to exit at the back doors.. but they stay closed and only the front doors open. instead of yelling to the bus driver to open the doors (which everyone else does) and risk bringing attention to yourself, you push your way through to the front of the bus even though you missed your stop.


----------



## lyssado707

nothing to fear said:


> when your on the bus and at your stop you go to exit at the back doors.. but they stay closed and only the front doors open. instead of yelling to the bus driver to open the doors (which everyone else does) and risk bringing attention to yourself, you push your way through to the front of the bus even though you missed your stop.


I'd be way too scared to yell to the front of the bus too and would probably just try to run up front real quick. Either that or someone would see me struggle and yell for me.


----------



## edw13185

Motoman said:


> For some reason I don't like stopping my car beside another in traffic so the driver can see me. I will always stagger when I stop.


Interesting that you mention that. I have very darkly tinted windows on my car (even the front ones). Most people think it's a style thing, but I have them dark because I don't want people to see me when I'm stopped at an intersection or something.


----------



## Katai_Kit

I will skip eating if I'm doing anything with anyone. 
Even if I'm starving, when out to dinner I would say I wasn't hungry so I didn't have to eat with people.
Sit near exits.
Locate nearest escape route/bathroom when I go to a new place.
I tend to rock back and forth when I get nervous.
Tell friends I'm sick, or that I have to work so I don't have to hang out with them.
Always have an excuse ready to leave anywhere at anytime.
Avoid wearing turtleneck shirts, if I start panicing they just make me feel worse.
I rarely let anyone drive me anywhere. I love having my own car with me for escapes.

and so many more... but I'm coping ok!


----------



## Katai_Kit

IllusionOfHappiness said:


> CoconutHolder said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have a hard time adapting to summer wear. I feel naked when I have to start wearing shorts and stuff. I feel all "exposed."
> 
> 
> 
> Same here. Explains why my legs are deathly white.
Click to expand...

Me too! I haven't worn shorts since the 5th grade (when my SA started come to think of it). I just feel like people are staring at me...


----------



## Aron James

I sometimes look around when im in the internet cafe, to see if anyone notices if i'm on SAS website, god forbid i were to be exposed of being on an anxiety support website lol!

Shame. Umm.

(mental note to self, why am i so bothered, if i am exposed, so what, what am i ashamed of?) lol!!!

Aron


----------



## blueFsharp

i must say that i love this topic because every time i read through it, i see all this random stuff that i do too that i don't even realize i do! and then i thank god that i'm not the only weirdy in the world, haha.


----------



## Insertusername

I hated school and often managed to stay off 'sick', but quite a few times when i couldn't stay off with my parents permission I pretended to leave the house and then i would sneak upstairs and hide in my cupboard until everyone left the house.

I also never ate any food at my last school, I have a thing about eating in public I always get the feeling people are watching me and thinking I eat like a pig.


----------



## Kuromi

Insertusername said:


> I also never ate any food at my last school, I have a thing about eating in public I always get the feeling people are watching me and thinking I eat like a pig.


I eat in school because I starve and kinda have to haha. But I get that feeling too and I'm very self-conscious about it. I usually have to eat in a corner of the lunch room with my back to the rest of the people so theres less people that can see me.

:b


----------



## Mc Borg

I used to actually get happy when I was sick so I didn't have to go to school.. ops


----------



## tomcoldaba

Mc Borg said:


> I used to actually get happy when I was sick so I didn't have to go to school.. ops


 :lol Brings back good memories of being sick.


----------



## Mr. SandMan

talk to myself at work more than i talk to other human beings......


----------



## galiciaadri

I used to also go to the libary during my lunch hour in high school. But it was weird because I had friends who would wait for me at lunch .... but sometimes I could not stand the thought of going in there. I would hate, hate having to give a oral presentation. I remember during my senior year I had to read an essay on andy warhol in english class. I think I almost passed out. I was sweating my face was so red and I felt nauseous and hot. But I did it. I felt proud that I did.


----------



## nothing to fear

bignate said:


> talk to myself at work more than i talk to other human beings......


 :hug i have more conversations in my head than i do with anyone on a daily basis.. ops (hope i'm not the only one who does this!)


----------



## Mc Borg

nothing to fear said:


> bignate said:
> 
> 
> 
> talk to myself at work more than i talk to other human beings......
> 
> 
> 
> :hug i have more conversations in my head than i do with anyone on a daily basis.. ops (hope i'm not the only one who does this!)
Click to expand...

Nope, you're not the only one.


----------



## crazee

-I hated PE class and never participated. I would 'forget' my uniform and would write out this crap instead of participating. 
-I froze (still do) whenever the teacher would say 'right, today we are doing something different in class' thinking that it might be something that would involve public speaking or group work. 
-If late for a class i wouldn't go, couldn't stand be watched as I came into the room.
-Failed senior high school because I skipped so much class.
-Failed a couple of courses i attempted to do after school as they involved public speaking (but i have know been accepted to University and am doing a degree with the help of medication.).
-avoided any girls that have shown interest in me. I really want to have a girlfriend but I freeze up with anxiety at the thought of being intimate. Pretty sad considering I'm 31 and not bad looking and never had a girlfriend. I've had sex with prostitutes before whilst being really stoned though.
- wear white shirts so people can't see me sweating alot which happens as soon as i go to uni, shops, pub etc etc.
-don't answer the door or phone unless I know who it is and I want to see/speak to them. Otherwise I hide.


----------



## Mc Borg

crazee said:


> -I hated PE class and never participated. I would 'forget' my uniform and would write out this crap instead of participating.


I did that too. Which is why 9th grade I switched to band class, but I never participated in band either..lol I just sat there playing guitar alone in the practice room with the excuse that I was a 'beginner'.lol..but I hated it because the other kids probably thought I was a freak for always sitting in there by myself...but it was still better than PE!


----------



## VCL XI

Yeah, I just sat in the bleachers during high school PE. I was lucky - as long as you dressed in gym uniform you got a 96. Had I needed to participate I probably would have hung myself.


----------



## photo1aflower

Reading through this thread has made me feel glad that I'm not the only one that has done these strange things, but also extremely sad that so many people feel this way.

Here are a few of mine:
-My name is a pretty common name, but the spelling is different than normal (Aimee). As a kid I would NEVER correct people when they'd spell it wrong. I had countless name tags with the wrong name as a small child.
-When I was about 8, I had to use the restroom while I was in class but I just couldn't bring myself to ask. I ended up having an accident right there at my desk. It was made worse when the teacher told the class that me and one other kid (who I believe had a medical condition) were allowed to get up for the restroom without asking from then on. (Luckily, the kids at my school were never too cruel. Still, VERY embarrassing.)
-Even after that, I very rarely used the restroom at school straight through high school.
-I probably missed as many days of school as I attended. I think I was 9 when I first started telling my mom I was "just too stressed out" to go to school.
-In college I could not bring myself to go into class if the door was already shut, even if class hadn't started yet.
-At my one and only job, I would frequently just eat a small snack at my desk for lunch. If I was too hungry, I'd eat something in the restroom as fast as possible.
-I sort of have mental lists of places I could actually go into by myself and places I know I couldn't, public restrooms I think I could use if I had to and ones I couldn't, and restaurants I can tolerate and the ones I know would overwhelm me.
-And of course countless bizarre lies to get out of things I just couldn't do.


----------



## sotc

Whether I'm walking up to the stoplights with that awkwardness feeling waiting or walking past someone, I always pretend I'm looking for something in my pockets or take my phone out and pretend I got a message (which never happens) so I'm doing something rather than just feeling more awkward by waiting/walking past someone :eyes


----------



## Kanashi

sotc said:


> Whether I'm walking up to the stoplights with that awkwardness feeling waiting or walking past someone, I always pretend I'm looking for something in my pockets or take my phone out and pretend I got a message (which never happens) so I'm doing something rather than just feeling more awkward by waiting/walking past someone :eyes


 :ditto


----------



## Chalk

Once i overslept at my uncles place and his friend and his friends daughter was there (daughter was about my age...).

I was awake for 2 hours and stayed inside the bedroom before i would come out...


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## nothing to fear

Chalk said:


> Once i overslept at my uncles place and his friend and his friends daughter was there (daughter was about my age...).
> 
> I was awake for 2 hours and stayed inside the bedroom before i would come out...


i've done that before too, when i slept at my grandma's place and some relatives were there in the morning who i hadn't met before, so i stayed in my room for a few hours. it's pretty lame when i think about it...


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## wootmehver

Once I was taking classes at a college and got so stressed out I wouldn't go to class but would sit in my car in the parking lot and read, magically thinking my fairy godmother would appear and give me passing grades I guess. I would duck down when classes were over and my classmates came out to the parking lot so they wouldn't see me. I guess I thought I would get credit for at least staying on the premises.


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## pehlinazar

haha

i also have tried al these....

but now...am really showing my unhid expressions...
so most people find it unfriendly.....

and i compensate this by playing clown in other areas of chats....


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## IllusionOfHappiness

Stay at home and cry out of frustration that I'm too anxious to attend school.

Last year, anyway.


----------



## nothing to fear

i'm not sure if anyone has done this..

but i've planned ahead to arrive a bit late for some social situations to avoid having to sit with one other person waiting for the others to arrive, since that would be horribly awkward. i did that last week when meeting friends.. but i ended up being really late because i got lost and it took a while for me to find the place. luckily they were still waiting for a table at the restuarant so they didn't care.


----------



## Boston

sotc said:


> Whether I'm walking up to the stoplights with that awkwardness feeling waiting or walking past someone, I always pretend I'm looking for something in my pockets or take my phone out and pretend I got a message (which never happens) so I'm doing something rather than just feeling more awkward by waiting/walking past someone :eyes


I do that too. I also do the same thing whenever I have to walk right past a place that has a lot of windows (like a restaurant).

Different story. I remember one time my parents wanted me to go to an event one of my high school clubs was holding at a mall. I was afraid to walk up to everyone after my parents dropped me off so I just stood by the entrance of the mall for a couple hours until they picked me up. I never made contact with any of the people I knew... Looking back, that's pretty weird. I can't believe I actually stood at the entrance for like two hours. :sus


----------



## account

.


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## Pinzelhead

Once a friend from school dropped off a record (no cd back then)I lent to him back to my house. He knocked on the door and I nearly lept out of my skin when I saw it was him. I then waited for him to leave. I was stressing out so much because I figured he would come back some time later. And he did and I quickly ran out the back and walked around the other side of the house and then back up the driveway to pretend that I had been out somewhere.


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## hellothere19

stopped talking to all of my friends, avoided any girl i thought was hot, on days i had study hall and couldnt leave i would walk around the school, then walk around the neighborhood surrounding the school, and now i either dont eat lunch or drive home to eat lunch, then drive back for one period then drive back home (biggest waste of gas)

also, i failed a semester of math class so my parents would ground me, and when they didnt i grounded myself so id have an excuse when my friends would call me. i


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## hellothere19

nothing to fear said:


> i'm not sure if anyone has done this..
> 
> but i've planned ahead to arrive a bit late for some social situations to avoid having to sit with one other person waiting for the others to arrive, since that would be horribly awkward. i did that last week when meeting friends.. but i ended up being really late because i got lost and it took a while for me to find the place. luckily they were still waiting for a table at the restuarant so they didn't care.


i did that all the time. i usually came really late, so what they would do is tell me to come at say 7:15 knowing i was going to be late and i would get there at 7:30 which was the real time they were meeting up :um


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## Tranquil

When everyone goes to break at school, I'll sit in my car and watch movies. And I always make sure I park in a spot where no one can see me for two reasons, one so that my friends at school won't know where I parked and come knocking on my window, and two so that when I'm watching a movie no one sees me. I do this even in the summer time, when it's super hot out, and because I don't want anyone to hear that I'm watching movies I'll roll up my windows(which gets really hot sometimes). And when I want a smoke I'll pause the movie so no one can hear me and smoke (because I have to roll the windows down).

I always show up late to class, because I have friends in their, and I don't want to talk to them. If I show up late I at least have the excuse that I want to listen to the teacher and learn instead of talk.

I have a slight problem with my voice, but if I get nervous my voice sounds all shaky, so I just tell my friends it's just my voice.


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## tomcoldaba

If I see my boss in the parking lot, I will sit in my car until he walks to the door. Then I will walk to the office. :con


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## tomcoldaba

GURLWONDER said:


> Some more:
> 
> *When I was a teenager, we had some relatives stay with us. I always hid out in my bedroom. One time I stayed in my room almost all morning and my stomach was growling. I felt so weak. That happened a few times during that summer. I lost about 5lbs.
> 
> *I've walked around the block and gone out of my way to avoid having to walk past certain people's (high school bullies/crushes) houses.


 :ditto


----------



## Dove

nothing to fear said:


> when your on the bus and at your stop you go to exit at the back doors.. but they stay closed and only the front doors open. instead of yelling to the bus driver to open the doors (which everyone else does) and risk bringing attention to yourself, you push your way through to the front of the bus even though you missed your stop.


This has actually caused me to miss my stop about twice. There's also been a few incidents where I had my stop requested but they kept going. I don't know why this always happens to me, even when I'm standing by the back door. Once, I had to walk up and tell them they missed my stop. Another time, I told myself that I'll just walk an extra block. Bleh.

I've posted in here before but it was a long time ago so I'll add some more.

-I always try to get to class early so that I won't have to walk into a full classroom. I try to make it right at the moment when the other class is coming out so that I can avoid the uncomfortable moment of waiting outside the door with other students not knowing where to look, and just before half the class is seated. I get really stressed if I'm just two minutes later than usual because I know that means more people will be seated which means more people to stare at me as I walk in.

-Whenever a teacher accidentally skips my name during attendance or doesn't see me raise my hand when passing out a test, I don't say anything. I wait until the class is over to walk up to them and tell them.

-Before registering for a class, I look up professor ratings and message raters asking them if presentations are required. I hesitate thinking that they'll think I'm weird but my worry of a possible presentation outweighs that.

-I take the long way to my classroom to avoid the area where more people walk by. I'm always hoping there are no classmates around me who notice me doing this.

-I take my dog with me to check the mail. She barks at people so if I were to run into someone else, I won't have deal with the discomfort because the person will be too busy being focused on my dog barking at them.

-When I leave my house and hear someone in my apartment walking around or talking, I run back in.

-I put up with a pair of sunglasses that get painful after a while just so that I can hide myself.

-Whenever I want to go out my balcony, I literally crawl outside because I don't want everyone living in the apartment in front of us watch me get out.

-At church, I sit in front of this large pole so that I won't feel like the people in the back are staring at me. Or I look for a tall person to sit behind so that I can't get stared at. I also look for quiet, old people to sit near so that it reduces my chances of someone more intimidating sitting near me.

-I always hold in coughs and sneezes in classrooms no matter how badly I need to.

-When I traveled one summer, my flight was 13 hours and I didn't get up to go to the bathroom once, both when going and coming back.


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## rainbowpieces.

i do the coughs and sneezes thing aswell, although soemtimes i just can't hold them, but i try to hold it for awhile and it comes out as a really weird noise, which is even more embarrasing than just sneezing normally!


----------



## I Miss home

I wake up early every Saturday morning to do my shopping. so it won't be very busy.

I sometimes get off the bus a few stops early because I feel like people are looking at me.


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## Fnkymonkee84

Well, I usually have panic attacks when I go shopping by myself. Alot of times I really need something and will leave the store with out it just to get myself out of the situation. It's weird cause I'm fine if I'm with someone. 

I live in an apartment and my neighbors constantly play basketball outside near my only exit. Sometimes I wait till they are finished so I can go to work....this usually makes me late but I don't want them to see or talk to me. They also hang out all the time near my apartment and this keeps me indoors most of the time.


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## ThisGuyRightHere

*Re:*



Restless Mind said:


> Eat alone in the library instead of the cafeteria. Then I got caught and just fasted the entire day at school from then on.
> 
> I would take the long way back to my locker to avoid the main hallway.
> 
> Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.
> 
> *My best friend used to park his car in my driveway because I lived close to school. As soon as school let out, I'd rush home to get there before him so I could hide and avoid being asked to go out. Sometimes he'd come into the house calling my name, looking to find me, but he never did. (Didn't check behind the couch).
> *
> My first year in college, my roommate used to go home on the weekends (thank god, he was so social), so I used to lock the door not leave my dorm until Sunday night. On Sunday, I would get on my bike and ride to the student center where I could do homework and avoid running into him when he came back.
> 
> I used to always go to bed early in the dorms, too. Everyone on my floor thought I was weird for that.


I know this post is almost 2 years old but that one cracked me up! :lol

I could see myself doing something like that.
A lot of times I'll peek out the window and wait until the coast is clear and then make a quick moved to my car. Usually with sunglasses on, phone in hand and car keys in the other hand ready to enter quickly. I'll start the car and be gone, no warming it up or any of that stuff.


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## nothing to fear

you see your closest friend in public but hide instead of saying hi.
i did that once to my friend - i felt terrible after. i was in a really bad state at the time, very depressed and i had been missing a lot of school and i didn't want to face her and have her ask where i've been.


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## wootmehver

I log onto this site several times a day looking for weird stuff.


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## spinal97

I've done some pretty strange things because of SA. Parties are where I really lose it. At mt prom, I was so nervous I ended up hiding in the bathroom the whole time. I couldn't get a date so I was miserable to begin with. But I was so nervous that I got sick. It was so embarrasing, I had to tell people it was food poisoning or something. That was 7 years ago and I still can't believe I did that. I did the exact same thing at a party last year, I didn't get sick though, I just hid in the bathroom and outside. I try to avoid parties as much as I can now.


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## worship

- Once I went to have a shower and about 15 minutes into my shower I heard around 5 of my sister's friends come over because they were about to go out soon. If I was to leave the shower and go to my room I would of had to confront them, so I stayed in the bathroom for about another hour before they left.

- I had to delete my history every time I visited this site because I thought somehow my parents (they almost never use the computer and hardly have any idea on how to use them) or my sister would find out that I had SA by checking my internet history, even though I have a different user account on the computer. But I ended up telling them recently about my SA so it's no problem now...

- I used to catch the bus at a certain time until I saw someone I knew on it, which led to us having a kinda awkward conversation. After that, I started catching a different bus (slight inconvenience) until I saw someone else I knew on it and had another kinda awkward conversation. Now I catch that bus at a later time to avoid it.

- I almost didn't post this message because I started having doubts that anyone would want to read it because it was uninteresting. Prove me wrong please.


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## Use Your Illusion

worship said:


> - I almost didn't post this message because I started having doubts that anyone would want to read it because it was uninteresting. Prove me wrong please.


Just to prove you wrong...I read your post and was not bored in the slightest. I go through the exact same thought process whenever I think about posting anything here, but everyone I have come across are always nice enough to at least humour me, so have no fear. :wel


----------



## nothing to fear

worship said:


> - I had to delete my history every time I visited this site because I thought somehow my parents (they almost never use the computer and hardly have any idea on how to use them) or my sister would find out that I had SA by checking my internet history, even though I have a different user account on the computer. But I ended up telling them recently about my SA so it's no problem now...


i do that constantly, many times throughout the day. then when someone is using my computer and if i'm in the next room and remember that i didn't clear the history i feel a huge amount of panic and have to refrain from going and watching what they are doing so see if they noticed the sites i visited.

oh and welcome, by the way.


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## Cake

welcome aboard worship 

i have my thing set so it deletes the history every time when i close the window. i would be resetting it every 2 minutes if it wasn't automatic


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## john_smith

Yes to all the above. We all have this in common. I sometimes enjoy my oddness. We are each special and should concentrate on the positive things associated with SA. I am learning to tell myself that it is ok to sometimes avoid and/or delay specific things and to pick my battles. I believe I could be very productive if I could control my time in such a way as to never have to function on someone else schedule. I could engage the world until I was drained, then return to base and charge my batteries until I felt strong again. The hardest thing is being "out there", when you are mentally exhausted.


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## XxArmyofOnexX

Something I consider a "good" thing due to my SA, is I'm very aware of my surroundings, even now, I'm in class (did the assignment already), and I know what everyone is doing around me, just looking out of the corner of my eye :lol


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## tewstroke

I don't look at people directly in the eyes, well, at least not for too long. :afr It looks like I'm twitching.


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## mcnabj

this is a very interesting topic. I can relate to almost everyones posts. We all know this behavoir is strange but continue to do it. genetics at work?


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## crazyg

Oh, wow- I can relate to so many of the posts.

Thinking back on it, I did some pretty weird things when I was younger.

Elementary school:
I used to have to take a school bus because I lived out on a farm. Sometimes, the bus driver would stop for a few minutes at one of the schools and the other kids would get off the bus and play in the playground. (Don't ask why they were allowed to do this..ha.) One time, the bus driver didn't realize the kids were still on the playground (don't ask how) and he drove off without them. I knew they were not on the bus, of course, but I was too terrified to say anything. He didn't realize anything was amiss until we got to the next school and one of the kids asked why there were abandoned backpacks in the seats and the bus driver finally clued in...ha.

I would really only speak if spoken to. And then, usually it was a yes or no answer. 

If someone came to visit at the farm and I was playing outside, I would run into the house as soon as I saw the car approach and hide. And even if they had seen me run into the house, I would not come to the door. If my parents asked me about it later, I'd say, I really had to go to the bathroom...ha!

If a friend from school called, I would usually refuse to speak with them.

Junior High:
Luckily, I had a few people I hung out with, so I just ate lunch in the hallways with them. I had a hard time eating in front of people, though, so I would hardly eat anything. (Usually, a few carrot sticks, and maybe some crackers.) I have no idea how I did that. I have to have a really good lunch now or else I feel terrible all day. Somehow, I was able to do it then, though come to think of it, the lack of food probably added to my anxiety.

If my parents or brother had friends over, I would sit in my room and pretend to be sleeping or busy with something. I would agonize over how to enter the room. I usually would only come out if they started to ask where I was. This would be the case even with relatives that lived across the road from us. I didn't feel comfortable around anyone other than my immediate family.

Looking back on these things though, I think I've come pretty far. I still do some weird things, for sure, but I don't feel nearly as bad as I used to. And I would never even think about doing some of the avoidant things now. In elementary/junior high/senior high, it was really hard to break those habits.


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## Shauna

[right:m70y0cvo]Heres an embarrassing story for you guys....

When i was in high school, i used to skip classes alot due to "you know what". One day i skipped my English 2 class(did this alot), so i though i would go to the bathroom and sit in one of the stalls untill the period was over(1hr and 30 min class). I got in the bathroom,found an empty stall, and sat down(put loads of toilet paper around before i sat) . I put my feet up on the door so nobody would see my feet. I pulled out a book i had in my bag and started reading it for a while to pass the time. I was in there for about 45 mins before i just dosed off and feel asleep..i mean..book on the floor(had fell),head down below my knees..just terrible. Apparently, i started snoring very loudly, and one of my classmates came to use the restroom and heard me. I guess she went back and told my teacher and the whole class. My teacher and about 4 of my classmates came in the bathroom and starting knocking on the stall and calling my name.."lashuna,lashuna..wake up" i jumped up and was like, "what the matter"...my english teacher said.."are you alright?"..i was like.."no mam..i don't feel too good"(lying). My teacher was like.."why are you in the bathroom sleeping honey..you should have went to the sick room or called somebody to come and pick you up". I opened up the stall,embarrassed as hell..they all staring at me like i was the strangest person ever(which is true), and i couldn't think of anything to say. She told me to go to the office and call somebody so i could go home. I went to the office and called a cab home..got home..told my grandmother that i got sick at school(not true), and i went in my room..though about what happened..felt like crap...calmed down, and eventually went to sleep.

The next day at school, in English class...all my classmates were teasing and laughing at me. I know they caught on that i was lying about being sick, because i used to always skip that class. They was like.."so thats were you be at when you don't come to class"(referring to the bathroom). I wanted to die,right then and there. I sat in class the whole period with my head down. After a while, i couldn't learn nor function anymore at school, so i just stopped going all together and became a high school dropout...which i still regret. My SA really did me in :rain[/right:m70y0cvo]


----------



## Mc Borg

Shauna said:


> After a while, i couldn't learn nor function anymore at school, so i just stopped going all together and became a high school dropout...which i still regret. My SA really did me in :rain


Same with me....


----------



## nothing to fear

i regret every thread i make on any forums i visit. this counts for SAS too.. i've made so many whiny threads, it's almost embarrassing. :lol


----------



## frenchie

nothing to fear said:


> i regret every thread i make on any forums i visit. this counts for SAS too.. i've made so many whiny threads, it's almost embarrassing. :lol


yeah, im like this too. everytime i read back over something i write on a forum, or on facebook or in an email, i hate it - cringe cringe. so this post will prob be added to the list of regrets! but what the hell.

its also weird and stupid the way i read back over things i write on the net - so self-obsessed. like if im bored ill just go on facebook and read posts ive written on other people's walls. so lame. and depressing too cos i usually think about how stupid and awkward and pathetic i come across!

just one of the many weird things i do.

hmm let me think of another. ok, before i say something to someone, i usually run the sentence through my mind, think about the best tone of voice/expression etc to use, how to sound natural, how not to come across as weird..all this before bracing myself and saying whatever meaningless comment i am planning to say! what a waste of time - if only i didnt go through this whole process before speaking, id prob sound a lot more natural when i did actually speak. if that makes sense.

anyways post getting too long soo.. time to post.


----------



## john_smith

I too internalize most future events whether it is conversations or meetings and practicing how to say the right thing. I actually write these posts in “word” so I can spell check and proof read several times before I post and I too will end up re-reading them later. :sigh I am amazed at all the things we have in common. Somewhere we should post a huge list of these attributes.


----------



## mexicutioner

When you take a second to look at what you've done over the years due to SA, it can be kind of hilarious, despite it being sad too. I've done alot of stupid crap due to SA myself, most common theme here is not eating at lunch, which I've done since middle school. 

During highschool I used to sit with a bunch of retards who thought they were thugs and such, and when I actually ever got something to eat which was like one time that I can remember, I think they put something in my food so I had to throw it in the garbage when I had got up to get a chair to sit down at the table.

Due to my SA, I wasn't going to pick out who did what to my food and beat their *** in front of all those people in the cafeteria, just too many people around.

Just kind of funny when you look back at things like that even though it pisses you off.


----------



## Black_Widow

Like many here, I tend to use safety behaviours to try and reduce my anxiety.

I think the weirdest one I've ever carried out was in my last temporary job, when the fear of eating and drinking in others got so strong (worst it's ever been) there were times I couldn't go through with having anything at my office desk. The paranoia of being watched just became too much. I would get so physically tense I couldn't lift anything to my mouth. As a result I resorted to hiding away in one of the ladies toilets cubicles and eating food there a few times - as it was the only place I felt I was away from prying eyes. Thankfully I've not felt I've had to do that again since leaving that job, but it makes me cringe remembering. ops


----------



## MNinja

walking up to a door or room with the intent of walking into the room and walking away because people are talking inside


----------



## shy_chick

I feel upset just reading about the hiding in the toilet from English class story. How horrible.


----------



## SayHelloToSunshine

*Re:*



Null said:


> In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead.
> 
> 
> 
> We weren't allowed to do that in my school. We had to sit in the cafeteria during our lunch period, even if we didn't eat anything.
Click to expand...

 same here. the library was closed during lunch period. my senior year i sat alone the last two trimesters. my one school friend began to pretend that he didnt know me, so i didnt bother eating lunch with him. it gone lonely real quick. longest 35 minutes of my life, every school day.

whenever relatives or friends of the family come over to the house i hide in my room and tell my mom to not let anyone come say hi to me.

when the day was over at high school and it was time to go home i rushed everyday out to be first on my bus, and as the other kids got on i always turned my body facing the window to avoid eye contact and whatever.

Also, I used to hide behind a tree if a car came driving by when i was playing Basketball out in the front yard. i dont do that anymore though.

My one High School Teacher gave us the choice of doing our presentations in front of class or have the graded project be subtracted like 10 points. well i never did a presentation. thats enough stuff to list


----------



## BeautifulSorta

I use to flick my hair too much when I'm nervous, I also tend to fiddle with things on me; particularly my bra straps. I know, that is tough.


----------



## nothing to fear

okay, this one is a bit weird, i wasn't sure where to post it.

everytime i see Argamemnon post i get a slight feeling of panic, because it reminds me of when in english lit we were reading homer's oddyssey and my anxiety would be bordering on panic attack the whole class, especially when asked any specific question about the book.
i dropped that class within a few days of course. but it's pretty funny how much hearing that word still affects me.


----------



## SaigeJones

If I am walking down the street and see someone coming in my direction I will turn around and walk in the opposite direction.


----------



## odd_boi_out

When I was 5, I was in the same preschool class as my brother, and the teacher asked me a question and I was too scared to talk, so I said nothing and my brother answered it for me. That same year I was in after-school care and I was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom so I wet my pants and then hid in a play structure and cried and refused to come out.

I don't remember much about elementary/middle school, but I don't think the anxiety was too bad then.

In high school I would wander around during lunch, making it look like I was going somewhere. I spent passing periods in the bathroom, and I was always the first one to show up to class so I wouldn't have to socialize in the hallways. I never asked friends to come over or to do something with me, so eventually I didn't really have any friends left. I preferred to spend over an hour on the public bus to get home than to ask someone to take 10 minutes to take me home. I didn't use phones unless there was no alternative. 

In college it's gotten a little better. Now my biggest anxiety is in classroom situations, and most social situations aren't quite as horrendous. Back in November, though, I did walk almost four miles to the airport in the rain carrying my suitcases rather than ask someone to drive me. :roll


----------



## tomcoldaba

Just wanted to bump up this thread. It is funny what we SAers do to avoid social situations.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

- I'll find a place in my school where there's no one there, and just stay there. Right now I'm in the library posting this (there's the main library with most of the computers, where all the other students are sitting, and then there are separate rooms for classes, but they're rarely used. As you can probably guess I'm in one of the separate rooms :b ).

- I'll listen to "tactical" music (think bourne soundtrack, mgs etc), and aimlessly wander, once I feel people are too suspicious, I'll find a place and stay there until the bell rings.

- Will avoid eating the whole day (no time in the morning, SA at lunch)

- Won't talk unless talked to most of the time. 

- I live in my own little fantasy world (blah, this is the biggest one, probably the cause of all the others) Sometimes I think I'm in a weird reality TV show, or in some movie experiment type thing :stu 

- "whining" on these forums (I wouldn't call it that, it's "releasing one's thoughts and emotions" :lol )

- unsure if I should post this... anyone got something similar?


----------



## Slim Shady

to list just a few

i never call anyone and get anxious every time i have to answer the phone. wonder why i even own a mobile phone (my folks forced me to buy one actually)

if i come across anyone i know on the street i will just walk faster and go past them, and if they're coming towards me i even cross the road or just pretend not to have seen them. i get so anxious.

even when i hang out with my high school friends, the few that i sometimes hang out with when i'm invited, i feel left alone and neglected and leave early without any reason.

i can't stand meeting relatives other than my immediate family. i hide out in my room and pretend to be working on my computer when someone visits.

never made any real friends in college, never completed college either ... going to classes full of strangers made me sick so went very rarely. also, there is no way i'll enter a room if i'm late even by a minute.

can't eat in public, the times i'm forced to, usually get very conscious of myself, get clumsy and end of spilling something or other.

can't speak in front of people or groups of people. meetings make me sick with anxiety from the time they are announced to the time they are over, and i sometimes fake illness just to avoid them.

can't speak to authority figures, hell, can't even speak properly to dad as he is the alpha male at home (yes, still live with parents but it is a cultural thing)

writing in public (took me four weeks of lurking the forums before finally getting the courage to register, and another three weeks before my first post.)

there are so many but this already looks so long


----------



## citizen_erased

I've posted on this thread a couple of times before i think, but i can still think of more...

Pretend to be in the middle of doing something to avoid answering the door at work (but i do answer it sometimes cos otherwise i begin to feel guilty that my colleagues have to do it all the time).

With anyone i don't know very well and don't talk to much, i rehearse over and over in my head exactly what i'm going to say to them and how i'm going to say it, even if it's only something trivial, before i'll actually try and say it :afr


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## SomethingSomething

I used to to do any and everything to get out of going to school. Sometimes I would outright beg for my grandparents to let me stay home, which is pathetic, I know, but I didn't care if it kept me away from all those other kids. I would also sometimes claim to be sick, which worked for awhile, but after I started missing over 20 school days, my grandmother stopped believing me. There were times where I would claim to be sick and she would say that if I was sick, I'd have to go to the doctors and I'd agree to go and waste many a doctor's time. But it eventually got to the point where I couldn't stay home unless I could prove I was sick (except for early in the school year when I hadn't missed any days, then she was a little more lenient), like if I threw up or have diarrhea or something. I'd try to lie upside down or spin in circles in the hopes that I might throw up. I also used to stick my finger in my throat and try to force myself to throw up. I believe I only got this to work one time, and my grandmother figured out what I was doing. I remember on one occasion, I held my younger brother upside down and spun him around in circles until he threw up, and then I claimed that the puke was mine and got to stay home to next day. Horrible, I know, but I'm being completely truthful when I say that I was completely terrified every single day. I remember my grandmother even having to literally pull me from my bed on some occasions, and this was when I was like 14 years old! 

There were also times during class where I would squeeze in my stomach in an attempt to somehow make myself feel the need to vomit. I also used to supplement this by trying to imagine something vomit-inducing. I remember once catching my aunt step out of the bathroom in the nude, which I found to be a particularly horrific image, so I'd often use this. I'm not 100% sure, but IIRC, this may have actually worked once. I do remember actually working up the courage to ask to see the school nurse one day, and I believe I was doing this little routine of mine at the time, although I may have actually been feeling genuinely ill that day as well. I asked if I could be sent home, but at first, she seemed resistant to the idea. Fortunately for me, I vomited all over the floor of the office, so she changed her tune.

As far as getting out of school, I remember that every now and then I managed to get my grandmother to compromise and give me a note to give to my teacher to let me out early. Even getting out a couple hours early made a huge difference. Really, I was on edge every single second of every single day, so even a couple hours was a big deal.

I remember during my first year of middle school, I locked myself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out (I believe I claimed I had diarrhea). I was being bullied at the time, which I had told her about once before, and after this, she insisted on going with me to talk to the school administrators and asking if there was anything they could do. It's been awhile, so my memory's a little foggy on this subject and I might not be remembering everything entirely correctly. If I am remembering this properly though, they didn't do anything the first time, except let me see the school counselor regularly. But eventually, they let me try out another class for a day and then they permanently placed me in another the next. 

I also remember in middle school during one of the standardized tests they gave us, they allowed you to take as long as you needed, and I of course made it a point to take the entire day taking the test to avoid having to deal with my classmates. Sure, there were obviously other kids in the room with me while I was taking the test, but I felt a little more comfortable in there because everyone was forced not to talk and even those who did were fairly quiet and kept to themselves, so I could relax quite a bit.

I also remember once during our Home Economics class, our teacher made us watch this video about germs ("little green men" she used to call them), and in the video, they had this "rap" about germs and she forced everyone in the class to sing along. I didn't participate for obvious reasons, and she singled me out and insisted that I join in. Now, this was incredibly frightening for a number of reasons. Aside from my SA and the obvious embarrassment that goes along with having to participate in something so utterly ridiculous, I was the nerdy, boring, square kid in the class who never did anything wrong, so I'm sure they all found this whole thing hilarious. I eventually started mouthing the words but not saying anything, which didn't seem to fool anybody. She then suggested that anyone not participating would have to stand in front of the class the next day and sing alone. Fortunately, I managed to get my grandmother to let me stay home that day, so I have no idea whether she was willing to make good on that threat.


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## Slim Shady

Finished reading through all the posts in this thread today.
Well, i could have written about 95% of that stuff myself word for word (and the other 5% is mostly due to certain cultural/ environmental differences). 

Some other stuff that are bothering me right now:

I can't even think about going to a store to buy clothes. Have been wearing a pair of blue-black jeans that have almost faded to white and and have ripped at places (that i have patched up from inside with medical dressing tape). Tried a couple of times but by the time i even got close to a store i almost fainted due to panic attack. Have given up for now.

I love to watch movies but cannot go to the cinema. Want to buy a DVD player and watch them movies at home but, then again, same problem here. I have been "thinking of buying" a DVD player for almost two years now and still have not had the courage to enter a store yet. Watching whatever is on TV for now but it sucks. Drives me crazy even during the only times of blissful solitude in my own room.


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## curi0us

In freshman year of high school, a couple of friends convinced me to join the track team. They were way more social then I was, and I felt awkward when I was in a huge group with the team. I skipped most of the socializing arriving late to practice and quickly heading towards the hospital cafeteria nearby at the end of practice.

In high school I was invited to party of a close friend of mine. Even with a couple of my close friends, I felt terrified being there. At one point, I couldn't take it so I jumped a nearby wall in an empty part of the backyard. Someone saw me, and he came out to the front yard and tried asking me what was up. I made up some lame excuse about waiting for something.

Through out high school I would do everything I could to make myself look sick or actually become sick, especially on assembly days. I remember I took it to the point where I took a warm shower and then stood outside in only a pair of boxers hoping that I would catch something. I rarely got sick and my mom could see right through it most of the time so I ended up going to school anyways. When I started driving in senior year, I would pretend I was going to school, but spend the day at a park nearby or wait until my parents left work and went home. 

I tried skipping lunch a couple times, but never found a successful way of doing it, so had to put up with being called out on being too quiet every lunch.

I also did try to leave as soon as school ended. When I was forced to stay because no one could pick me up, I'd go wander the campus and make it seem like I need to get somewhere.

In college, I've ended up going towards my class, then feel overwhelmed by anxiety, and turn right back around and go back to my room. During my breaks, I search for secluded spots in school and just spend time there or I'd wander around and look like I was heading towards class or something. One time I circled the entire campus.


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## User57854

-


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## wanderer82

Let's see...

I buy almost all my clothes online, malls have to be the worst place for sa. I spend a fortune in s&h fees and end up having to go the post office when I have to return items, which is still 1000 times better than the mall.

If I could have my groceries delivered I would; instead I go late at night, like 30 mins before the store closes when no one is in there to shop.

I could write a short book on all the ways the internet has "helped" me avoid going out in public. Direct deposit & online banking- awesome, Xmas shopping online- check, netflix- best idea ever.


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## nothing to fear

for one particular friend i'd always practically demand that we go in his house by the back door instead of the front to avoid having to meeting his family when i go to his house. it's quite immature when i think about it..


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## DeeperUnderstanding

- I have trouble going through cashier lines or ordering things. I panic whenever I'm pressed to, even at the library.
- I hate leaving voice messages, and unless it's absolutely necessary, I'll not leave a voice message. The only alternative is when it's either my therapist or my psychiatrist (both who require you leaving messages to schedule appointments.)
- I don't like taking the trash out, because I'll have to go out among my nosy neighbors, who I'm sure already think I'm weird. 
- I avoid answering facebook messages, and I'll go for weeks at a time before replying to something on there. I'm sure the few friends I have think I have issues.
- I worry endlessly about going out in public, even if it's days in advance. And then I cancel my plans because of that.
- I hate looking in the mirror, because I think I'm ugly, and I'm sure the whole world thinks so, too.
- If I'm eating on campus, I never sit with anyone. I always grab a seat just by myself, usually far away from everyone else.
- When I lived in the dorms (a few years back), if there were people in one part of the hallway, I'd turn around and walk down the other section of hallway that didn't have people in it.


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## citizen_erased

A few more..

Will not leave messages on answering machines/voicemail unless there's really no alternative.

Will usually text or email people rather than phone where possible.

If trying something on in a shop changing room (i have no problem doing this provided there are single/seperate changing rooms, but if it's a communal one then forget it) and i need to try on another size, i'll get changed back into my own clothes and go out and try and find it myself rather than ask a shop assistant for help.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

citizen_erased said:


> Will usually text or email people rather than phone where possible.


I find that easier as well, I wonder if it's common with people who have social anxiety?


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## Window

- Shifting focus or looking down if someone's walking toward me. if there is enough distance between us I will simply detour if possible

- Freshman year there were many lunchtime options: leave campus to eat/go to the nearby public library/school library/computer lab/GYM/rec room/school courtyard. The Rec room was my hangout of choice. Looking back I'm amazed that I was able to go there, as it was extremely crowed at all times, but I guess the competiveness of foosball, pool, and Super Smash Bros. was enough to cancel out the anxiety. Heck, with so many choices the cafeteria was fairly SA-friendly since all the "cool kids" left campus. 

Unfortunately the unfailing idiocy of my classmates resulted in the loss of all of this freedom the following year, and everyone was forced to sit in the cafeteria during lunch period, and the problems emerged. 

At first I tried hiding in the bathrooms. Fairly large school, so I could often waste a lunch period just by walking back and forth from bathrooms at opposite ends of the school. It worked for a while, but then security guards were stationed near all of the bathrooms...so that was out. 

Then it was the school library, and that is where I spent the vast majority of my time. Sometimes I'd go there and find it closed much to my dismay, so I was forced to go to lunch. At first it was bad. I'd find a spot near someone who didn't seem like they'd start making fun of me, scarf down some fries, and go to "sleep" until it was over. After a while I refined my approach and discovered there was a semi-crowded end table where other "different" kids sat. It actually wasn't bad after that. Most of them sat there drawing or pretending to, reading (or pretending to), and I wrote up pokemon strategies in my notebook...which was a big source of ridicule and unnecessary shame for me, but that's for another post. 

Other stuff:

- Smuggling food from the dining hall to my dorm to limit my need to go there. 

- Not going to the dining hall during peak hours...ever.

- Only walking around late at night, only returning to dorms when everyone was asleep. 

-Outright ignoring, avoiding, or being absurdly monotone with people that try to be friendly to me, even those whom I want attention from the most. I always feel terrible after I do it, especially when I did it to my high school crush when I ran into her one day. My logic is if I return somone's interest and we become friends, they'll just get bored of me eventually and reject me due to that, which would make me feel even worse.


- I once wore a mask, yes, a mask...to class. It was a faceless "ring wraith" mask. I was a little messed up then - I'd actually become a bit disturbed from lonliness. It was a cry for help, but people thought it was more funny than anything...except for whoever called campus police on me.

- Never using the bathoom in my dorm, only the deserted bathroom on the top floor of a building on campus that was being renovated and only open for workers who were only there once a week. 

- Not showering much in college. It's not that I didn't bathe at all...I'd just soap up some paper towels and go over myself quickly and be off, not even bothering to rinse off the soap. I did laundry 3 times in 3 years for fear of the laundry room. Once, when I ran out of underwear...I went commando...for several weeks until the semester was over.

- Hanging out in the back of a dump truck instead of sitting in the breakroom at my old job.

- Avoiding baseball for 3 years over something that happened on the way to tryouts. This group of girls and I assume their boyfriends suddenly came up to me and some other guys that were walking to tryouts and one of the girls accused me of stealing one of their shirts (huh?!) They swarmed around me and kept grabbing and pulling at the shirt, somehow completely convinced that it belonged to this girl. All the while, my would be teammates and the other guys were laughing like crazy, while at the same time also acting like they were going to jump me to impress the girls. In the end I threw the shirt to the ground and went home. SA was born.

- Spending an hour writing a forum post, then deleting it out of fear, only to rewrite it 5 minutes later, and being annoyed because it's nowhere near as good as the first one.


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## bezoomny

I always am on the lookout for good hiding places from people. Right now all I've got is the staircase up on the top floor. Nobody ever uses the stairs if they live on the top floor, they always use the elevator. So I go up there and read or listen to music.


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## Slim Shady

SilentWisdom said:


> citizen_erased said:
> 
> 
> 
> Will usually text or email people rather than phone where possible.
> 
> 
> 
> I find that easier as well, I wonder if it's common with people who have social anxiety?
Click to expand...




Window said:


> - Shifting focus or looking down if someone's walking toward me. if there is enough distance between us I will simply detour if possible
> 
> -Outright ignoring, avoiding, or being absurdly monotone with people that try to be friendly to me, even those whom I want attention from the most. My logic is if I return somone's interest and we become friends, they'll just get bored of me eventually and reject me due to that, which would make me feel even worse.
> 
> - Spending an hour writing a forum post, then deleting it out of fear, only to rewrite it 5 minutes later, and being annoyed because it's nowhere near as good as the first one.


 :ditto It is as if you people read my mind before writing that stuff.


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## crossfadex

i don't do anything really really really awkward anymore. I used to have extremeeee SA when I was younger but I've been getting better as time goes on.
I used to wear a jacket all the time in lower school/part of middle school to cover myself.
I would eat in the bathroom sometimes
I can't really think of much right now but i remember some stuff in like 2nd grade like i couldnt even stand being in the same aisle as some people in the library, i would just go to a different aisle everytime somebody went into my aisle.

even still, like if a couple of girls try to make plans with me to go to a movie or something or to just hang out, I will pretty much try to blow it off. I'd say my parents said that i couldn't go out even when they said yes. :[


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## serolf

Just spent 30 minutes reading this thread while saying "I did the same thing!" many times.

Here's a few for me. I'll leave my more embarrassing ones for another day.

In elementary school, I had this afterschool activity and afterwards, they would give the 3 people there a ride back home. In October, we moved to a different house, but for some reason, I couldn't bear telling them. So, as a 3rd grader, I had to walk about 2 miles to get to my new home. 

I haven't looked at myself in the eyes using a mirror in months. I don't mind looking at my body or my face, but can't stand my eyes.


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## kaybee

In my senior year of highschool, the buses dropped us of in the morning and we sat in the cafeteria until the bell rang and then we went to homeroom. I used to get of my bus, go into the bathroom and pretend I was putting on my makeup for about a half and hour every morning, until I heard the bell, so Iwouldn't have to sit by myself. Once in my homeroom class, I would ask the teacher for a pass to go to the bathroom and try to spend as much time as I could in there to avoid having to talk to people.


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## blueFsharp

serolf said:


> Just spent 30 minutes reading this thread while saying "I did the same thing!" many times.
> 
> In college, I dropped a class a few days in because I couldn't find the damn room. I was too anxious to ask for help.


The first part, definitely! Its comforting to know so many people share my same messed up habits, haha.

And I've dropped TONS of classes because I couldnt find the room! I try to go on a room-hunt before classes being and sucker my friends into it like its something fun to do lol, but that has happened to me a ridiculous amount of times. Registration probably thinks Im the most indecisive person on campus.


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## kennyrich

My current boss is a pretty nice guy. He oftens tries to get me out of the office for lunch. I turn the offer down every time. Most days I go out to eat alone or I bring my food to my desk and eat it while working or reading the news. 

I'd like to grab lunch with co-workers, but I'm so horrible at making conversation.


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## Sabreth

> - Spending an hour writing a forum post, then deleting it out of fear, only to rewrite it 5 minutes later, and being annoyed because it's nowhere near as good as the first one.


I would imagine this forum would be a lot more active if everyone hit submit ;p. I have been a lurker of these forums since 2004, and have only hit submit 23 times.


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## bbarn

In high school i always avoided going into the cafeteria and instead walked home to eat

Whenever i see someone i know but don't really talk to i take off and find the nearest exit or hiding place

In university i always found the best scenic route where there would be less people to get to my next class
If i was early before class started, instead of waiting like others do in front of the classroom i would always hide out in the bathroom stalls and find myself late for class


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## seanybhoy

Umm avoid relationships cos they all end with " I just want you without all the problems" , erm used to wear a hoody with the hood up and a cap even on sunny days, avoid eating in public and that's all i can think of the now.


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## Kathy11

I apologize constantly for Everything. Like, if I'm working in the library and my mechanical pencil is squeaking, I say sorry to the person next to me. I'm afraid that I'm bothering other people but what we need to realize is that were're usually not, we just imagine that we might be. Sometimes ppl don't even know what I'm apologizing for b/c they didn't even notice my pencil squeaking though it always seems so loud to me.


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## Strategist

Sometimes I'll walk past a store/cafe one or two times before I decide to go in.

Today I swallowed watermelon seeds because I was too afraid to spit them out.


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## katelyn

When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!


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## rainbowpieces.

I used to sometimes eat my lunch in the toilets at school aswell, and i sometimes walk past a shop than go back to it!!


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## TheGecko

katelyn said:


> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!


Wow I do that too! I made a post about it a while ago..


> When I go into a building in town, I often can't remember which direction I came in from so when I leave I start walking the wrong way and for some reason I hate to just stop and turn around. I've walked for huge distances in the wrong direction before when I'm lost because I don't want anyone to see me suddenly change direction and I have to wait until there's no-one around.


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## pupper

katelyn said:


> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!


yes!! I do this all the time (my campus is huge and very easy to be heading in the wrong direction)


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## glennz20

I make up things I did on the weekend when other people ask. I read spoilers for movies on the internet and pretend that I've seen a particular movie.

I lie constantly for my own entertainment, and because it makes me momentarily feel like another person i.e. someone who isn't drowning in their own self-pity, inexperience and social ineptness. I raised my hand in a class when the lecturer asked if anyone had been to Rome. I've never been overseas.

I give dirty looks to people when I find them staring at me. 

Last year, while studying for very important Year 12 exams, I would find myself regularly thinking about inevitable social situations that would arise the next day, and immediately go to my mirror and rehearse what I would say to the person. SA even when by myself!

After I meet someone, I look up their myspace/facebook ASAP.

I have spent over an hour composing a facebook message to someone I barely know who I met at university. I edited and backspaced the message my little heart out. The result was a 200-word message that made me sound like the happiest/most content person in the world. It made me sick re-reading it, but I posted it anyway.

I wait for friends to come out of class, but 90% of my being just hopes that they don't show up and that I can go home away from the scary strangers.

I would rather not phone my parents on public transport in front of other people, so I regularly wait until I'm off the train to ring them to pick me up. I wait up to 20 minutes longer because of this.

When I'm late for lectures, I sit down on the nearest possible seat without even looking up. I mostly just glide in like a blind eagle. I could never, ever, in a million years walk in a class and look at the people staring at me as I come in. I would actually die if I were to do so.

High school, in my more "naive" time, I walked on stage to accept an award in front of like 500 people. I sort of know they I walk with a bounce, but didn't think of it til next day when a friend told me I was "funny" last night. I grilled him for the next however many minutes about exactly the way I looked.

I threw up on my first day of going to my new high school.

And other everyday, awkward minutiae. Wish I had funnier stories (can't say I've ever *^&& in a bottle to avoid social contact, but I'll probably get there one day).


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## glennz20

Kanashi said:


> sotc said:
> 
> 
> 
> Whether I'm walking up to the stoplights with that awkwardness feeling waiting or walking past someone, I always pretend I'm looking for something in my pockets or take my phone out and pretend I got a message (which never happens) so I'm doing something rather than just feeling more awkward by waiting/walking past someone :eyes
> 
> 
> 
> :ditto
Click to expand...

 :ditto I also try to put a look of comprehension of my face while doing this, as though I'm reading an actual text message. I think I fake it pretty well.


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## Dazzer1

I think one of the strangest and most consistent things I do / did was hiding in toilets. For the most part this was related to my sneaking off to drink alcohol in.

- My last job I used to go a Starbucks toilet in a busy part of london right near my work and drink a small bottle of vodka in there every morning at 8:30 before work. I did this every morning for over a year. I used to get so embarrassed walking in the Starbucks every day, seeing the same employees, which I'm sure used to laugh at me, and disappear for 5 minutes and come out again and never buy anything. At one point I considered starting to buy something just so it didn't look weird but decided against it because it would be too embarrassing having to face the workers at the counter after my months of using that damn toilet. ops 

-The longest I ever stayed in a toilet was on a business trip at Düsseldorf, Germany, with the same company that I worked for above. I was a Tele-sales person selling advertising space in a European Hospital publication, but I never had to see people face to face that I sold to....until this trip that is. I was supposed to see like, 15 clients, face to face, over three days; big corporate people from massive medical firms. This is actually known as the biggest medical trade show in the world: Medica.de .... and I had to drink just to make phonecalls!!
I ended up drinking heavily in my hotel room, the night before the first day at the event, and woke up on the first day with a major hangover, which made my Social Anxiety indescribably more horrific. And I couldn't drink before my 1st appointment because my boss came with me on it; it was an absolute disaster I jumbled my words, flooded with sweat, nearly had a breakdown, and my boss felt so sorry for me that he did not even get angry about me not getting the deal.
So then after that, I had an hour till my next meeting, so I just went to the nearest toilet in the facility locked myself in a cubicle and put my jacket on my knees and waited in there because the bustling environment was too much.
People queuing up outside waiting for one of the cubicles were complaining that "someone has been in that cubicle a looong time!" and made me so nervous I wouldn't come out, for fear of seeing people who had were queuing and thinking I had been in there the entire time they were there! :afr 
I was feeling so hung over and nervous, that I just never turned up for any of my scheduled appointments that day and sat in that cubicle with my, head on my knees, from about 11:00 until about 3:00 in the afternoon. ABOUT FOUR HOURS!!! I was so hungry and aching so much from sitting on the toilet for so long, and playing through my head how bad the meeting in front of my boss went and really just wanted to go home but I couldn't. I was stuck in Germany! :cry 

That was a very low point for me, and probably a world record for the amount of avoidance time spent hiding in a toilet cubicle.


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## TheWinnerTakesItAll

Oh God, I see myself in so many posts in this thread!

- At school, I too hung out at the library at lunch pretending to do some "busy research" when all I was doing was eating a sandwich and wishing I was in my room!

- When I was 15 I had the opportunity to help my mothers friend, a fashion photographer, on a boat for one day for an incredible $2000.00. I said no because I didn't think I would be good enough and being in the presence of fashion models would've probably make me have a breakdown then and there. Pathetic. My parents were so angry, I faked a "dire illness" which even the doctor believed and I got out of school for 2 weeks 

- I always take the phone off the hook, I wonder why I bother having one.

- I never answer my mobile phone, I just hold it and stare at it while it rings and I never call back. I must be a ****ty friend.

- I don't drive, so if I see there are too many people on the bus I will wait for the next one, usually another 15 minutes. I've waited at that bus stop for over an hour until I felt comfortable on many occasions, it's usually filled with the same people, probably wondering why the hell I'm just standing there like a gormless tit, so whenever a bus pulls up I pretend I'm on the phone and turn around with my finger in my other ear... LOL. So sad.

- I always sit at the back of a bus or train and when on a train it has to be the last carriage, so I can be the last person to get on the escalators. If too many people are around me I get off at the next stop and either wait for another one or walk.

- I work nights in a job I hate because I'm afraid of interacting with people in the daytime. Luckily it's a well paid job.

- I've avoided going to some of my closest friends 21st's and other occasions, citing illness or "other plans" as an excuse, when really I'm just sitting at home, relishing in my own company.

- I walked out of the movie Borat after 25 minutes because I felt embarrassed for the unwilling participants. I somehow got it in my head that everyone was laughing at me, but really, who would want to pay $10 to sit in a dark room and look at me... haha.

- I smoke, when I have a quick cigarette outside at work I time it so nobody else joins me. When someone does and tries to initiate conversation I throw the cigarette away and say I'm really busy and have to get back upstairs, even though I've only taken one puff and they know I've just come down. I do this a few times a week so they must think I'm pretty ridiculous.

- I moved overseas by myself when I was 18. I moved back home when I was 19 because I couldn't cope with my SA, crippling as it is, it hinders my life at every turn. I'm 24 and recently moved back home because I feel comfortable here, but now the only people I socialise with are my mother and my cat - depressing!

- I ruin friendships because I can't put any effort in, no matter how much I try. I have quite a lot of friends but I tend to see them once a year because I can't bring myself to face them.

- Stopped drinking 2 months ago - 2 months ago my social life died, join the dots!


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## jazzyvandal

Hmmm. 

I go out of my way to avoid one of my neighbors.When I go for a walk or walk down to the coffee shop, I go out of my way to avoid them. I take a different route so they won't see me (such as go out the back door and down the alley). 

When I had roommates, they had a land line. I never answered the phone. I always let the answering machine pick it up. 

At work, I never raced to the phone to answer it. I always hoped someone else would answer it.


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## citizen_erased

A short walk just down the road from where i live is a bakery and a newsagents which i know some of my colleagues go to at lunchtime (i happen to live really close to the place i work). I only work there part-time so if i'm at home and want to go down there, which i sometimes do, i will only go when i know i shouldn't bump into anyone from work.

If i'm out and i see someone i know i will do my best to avoid them. If i can't avoid them and they might see me i will pretend to be busy with something/pretend i haven't noticed them :afr


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## Dave22

First post woo. Figured one of the wierd things i do because of SA wasn't going to be avoid posting on this website. I've got a more than a few things obviously but i don't particualrly feel like drudging up my painful high-school year memories today.

1. Firstly the weird thing i do currently is stay indoors all day every day pretty much after finishing high school and that was over 7 months ago *shudder*. Even though i got my driver's license about 3 and a half months ago. The only time ive been driving is when a friend cornered me (or i cornered myself due to my poor on-the-spot lying skills) to take him shopping and that was about 2 months ago.

2. Avoid my highschool friends. Partly because some of them are the reason i have SA and I'd much rather be alone then have them ridiculing me. I'm fine during the week but come the weekend im a nervous wreck. Every time the phone rings my heart beats out of my chest. I spend the weekend trying to think of plausible excuses to say if one of them rings. Thankfully they usually work. They must think im a freak... :sigh 

3. 3 weeks ago a good friend rang and invited me to a 18th birthday party the following saturday which would have been horrible to say the least (drinking, girls, everybody asking why i had been turning down past invitations and why i havn't got out of the house in 7 months) I said i'd call him back after making up some excuse that i had to go.After a week of no call back i figured they had forgotten about me. 
Then shock horror! i get a call the night of the party asking why i hadnt rang back and he said that he'd come get me and take me to the party right now. I pretended that the phone was cutting out and hung up. LAME. Spent the rest of the night looking out the window hoping a car wouldnt pull up. Thank god it didn't. Havn't had a call back since then...

Sorry if this looks like a ramble, just had to get it off my chest.


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## **ibleedblueblood**

Hiding my mouth when I smile...which is rare. 


Avoiding eye contact at all costs because I don't want to be accused of staring.


Having my long hair down so I can hide behind it.

Speaking too loudly or too softly. 


Being scared to eat in front of people.


Being afraid to look nice and feel attractive because I'm fearful that people will laugh at me.


Being terrified when I walk past two or more people. 


I also ate lunch in the school bathroom.


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## MidnightBlu

I should know a lot of things I do because of SA... for some reason can't think of any right now cause I'm tired. But let's see...

When I used to wear a hoodie, I would keep the hood up because I'd feel "safe" if I'm hiding inside a hood, lol.

I scratch or touch myself when I get nervous talking to people.

Sometimes I avoid taking certain routes because I want to avoid routes with the most people. Such as certain school routes.

Of course I don't hold eye contact sometimes when I walk past by somebody especially a hot guy.

Um when I was a kid our tenants wanted to check out our house that they were going to rent. I hid behind my house the whole time with the leaves and probably nasty bugs on the ground until they left. It was hot, too. I don't do that anymore obviously.

I avoid answering doorbells at all costs unless it's someone I know who I'm expecting.

I tend to say weird things or ask weird questions with people I know when we walk in public sometimes because I'm nervous.

I always sit in the back row in classes because I'm afraid the people sitting behind me (that is if I sat in front) would focus/stare at what I'm doing even though only my back is facing them.

I get self conscious when I talk on the phone in public when I'm around random people at times. If I were to talk in public on the phone I would talk when no one was around and if someone walked by or I walked by somebody I would just stop talking until the person walking by or me walking by is gone.

I used to avoid saying hi to people I knew of when I see them at a supermarket or somewhere. I would also tend to avoid meeting my mom's friends because they would always make a big deal about meeting me and trying to talk to me. I hated it!

I would always play with my cell phone while walking in public to class because I would get nervous walking in public while people are walking by. Afraid that they'd stare at me. So playing with my cell phone was an outlet.

I jumble up my words often when I'm nervous talking to someone or asking help at a store or calling customer service over the phone.


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## MidnightBlu

citizen_erased said:


> Will not leave messages on answering machines/voicemail unless there's really no alternative.


Yes, I used to refuse to do that too because I'd feel weird leaving one like I'm talking to a machine. It was just weird, but I overcame that fear.



citizen_erased said:


> and i need to try on another size, i'll get changed back into my own clothes and go out and try and find it myself rather than ask a shop assistant for help.


I'm the same way. I don't really like to ask for help unless I really need to which is most of the time because sometimes I just can't find crap I'm looking for in stores.


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## MidnightBlu

wanderer82 said:


> If I could have my groceries delivered I would; instead I go late at night, like 30 mins before the store closes when no one is in there to shop.


I used to be like that, too. I would always try to go to the grocery store at night to avoid being around people. I don't really have that problem anymore.


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## MidnightBlu

Mc Borg said:


> I used to actually get happy when I was sick so I didn't have to go to school.. ops


Oh my god, same here! I used to love being sick because I hated going to school facing people bullying me. Having to deal with people staring at me because I sat alone at the lunch table. URGH. I hated it.


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## Sclorch

I've done a lot of what you guys do, Lets see:

I wore a leather jacket almost permanently for a couple years, even in very hot weather
Making up stories to tell people I was uncomfortable around to try and break the ice
Mind freezing when I am talking any longer than about 10 seconds, mind just goes blank
Forget to breathe or have difficulty breathing when talking for longer periods or reading out loud (worst thing I have)
Making me avoid countless potentials for getting laid / relationships
Abandoned lots of friends, (some deserved to be abandoned, some I wish I hadn't)
Making up elaborate stories to avoid people and situations
Was into all sorts of illicit drugs to give me confidence, some worked, some did the exact opposite, some worked great for a while then destroyed me later on
For some reason my SA made me sort of goofy a lot of the time and made me laugh real easy which now that I think about it probably made me seem not quite as weird lol
I have a huge range of interests because of my basement dwelling nature (positive!) also i never get bored because of this
Into economy / politics because of my paranoia and conspiratorial nature (positive! because I make money investing off the knowledge obtained)


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## fchtrading

Sometimes I need to go to a quiet, separate room at a party or social event and "Talk Back" to myself about the lies running through my head


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## dyingtolive

id do the long-cut in any situation whether buying groceries or if i have to even find my route bak home. i avoid interactions that require more than 2 exchanges. ie. buying things is ok coz its just buy then cashier gives. but if it requires negotiations i avoid these.

at school, i never ate during lunch i usually walked around the campus pretending to be going somewhere. if ever i ate, its small stuff that i can carry around, or when the time was abt to end and there was no more ppl there in the caf.


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## crackedcell

this is probably some of the funniest **** i have ever read. only because i can relate all too well.

some things i do:

today i was sitting in the middle of our lecture theatre (i arrived late and it was the only seat left) and stood up in front of everyone and moved against the back wall, eventually sliding down to the floor when i got tired of standing. in the end this reduced the amount of ppl who could see my face.

i wear sunglasses at 11PM.

i start moving my legs about a lot if i have to wait for the light to change at a pedestrian intersection, like i start doing a little dance. and then look rapidly around in all directions. so i can catch anyone in the 360 degree region looking at me.

i constantly look for something in ppl. something to see they have noticed me. i am such a narcissist.

i wear my scarf (usually reserved to keep my neck warm) over my entire head.

i am constantly rude and short with people, especially slower people. it's just a reflection of what i think of myself however. which is not much.

i have never been in a real relationship before. perhaps one live in one by default (moved in and to a degree fell in love with existing housemate). i am 25 and quite romantic, but so ridiculously anxious. like how can you start a relationship when you can't even have a normal/measured initial conversation?

i too give people dirty looks when i catch them staring at me which is quite a lot.

ppl cough a lot when i pass them and i cough back. like if they see me approaching and they notice my anxiety they will cough. and quite frankly go **** yourself.

i constantly find myself having the most inappropriate sexual thoughts. especially around my lecturer who i do not even really like, yet cannot stop conveying this need to go down on him. that is so wrong i know. but this is true. i cannot believe i just typed that.


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## citizen_erased

- I have to walk down this lane to get to work. Sometimes i see one or two of my colleagues walking down there in front of me so i will make sure i walk a bit slower than usual and keep a good distance back to avoid catching them up (i tend to walk quite quickly, or so i've been told) and having them try and start a conversation with me.

- Setting my msn messenger status as "Appear offline" -or just actually signing out - to avoid awkward conversations/people i don't want to talk to. When this happens i'll usually try and avoid talking to them on the phone too :afr

- Quickly minimizing all open windows on my laptop when someone comes in my room so they can't see what i'm doing.


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## shy-one

Wow some of the people here did exactly the same things as me, especially at school!

I absolutely hated school assembly. 1000+ students cramped into a hall. I used to hide in the library during assembly but then one day I was caught by the librarian who told me to go. From then on I hid in the school toilets instead during assembly. 

At lunch time I would hide in the library. However, sometimes there were idiots in the library that annoyed me. When this was the case, I would find an empty classroom to go sit in instead.


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## Jim

I would hide inside my apartment if the neighbors were outside, even if I really needed to go somewhere. I wouldn't leave until I made sure the coast was clear. This became difficult and frustrating when one neighbor in particular would sit on the porch next to mine and smoke; he'd always insist on small talk and it was pretty awkward at times.

When I was younger, I used to hide in the school library (or even the bathroom) at lunch.


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## haitch-2-o

The more I read about others, the better I feel! I wish we all had this private identifying feature which only we as SA sufferers could see, so that we would know who else was going through the same crap - there must be loads of us!

I hide if the doorbell goes, even if its one of our friends or a neighbour.

I dont answer the phone. I'm more lkikely to ignore it if its a friend. sometimes, I can't even bear to listen to the message left and ignore it completely!

They must get very confused by me, as I'm Mrs Chatty on email and text - just can't do face to face or phone!

I can't even call my family. My mum thinks I'm ignorant and selfish. My dad, I now realise is an SA sufferer, but as he doesnt phone or make any effort to talk to me, i dont see why I should - stalemate

I'll only go to parties if they are small, and people are forced to stay around me - eg sit down meals etc, as otherwise, my anxiety seems to go off like a siren and people avoid talking to me, so I end up standing alone or having to try to join in conversations.

I too have to take myself off to 'have a word' with myself sometimes, but this usually ends up in a conversation in my head with an imaginary person trying to explain my issues

I do the carry on walking thing if I go wrong to. I feel like I am on the Truman show and peolple are watching waiting for me to go wrong.

I never walk into an empty shop, and I am scared of shop assistants approaching me.

I can't make decisions about anything; its always - 'i dont mind' - you choose'

Socialising drains me - I am sooooo tired all the time

I look normal to others -I am reasonably good looking, I can make people laugh (sually to ease my own anxiety), wear nice clothes, and watch the popular TV other girls like, so I must seem so strange to them.

Like someone else said, i sometimes get the comment from my boyfriend 'no wonder you have no friends' - no it isn't any wonder, but not a nice thing to be reminded!


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## kreeper

crackedcell said:


> i wear sunglasses at 11PM.


Hey they have a song about that! 



Lol sorry, I couldn't help it. Just me and my odd sense of humor 

Anyways, here's some of the weirder things I've done:

- I volunteer at the hospital, and if I'm not busy during my shift, I'm worried that I'm annoying the nurses by asking for things to do. So instead, I alternate between hanging out in the pantry, the toy room, and one of the many bathrooms.

-I'll buy food when I'm not hungry just to pass the time during lunch.

-I'll go to the bathroom when I don't need to for the same reason as above.

-If I have to call someone, I usually call at a time when I know no one will answer.

I know there's more, but I just can't think of them right now...


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## Skurplunk

-If I can avoid calling someone by any means, I'll do it. Texting, IMing, email. Love it. If I don't really know the person I'm calling really well then I'll go over a "script" in my head of what I want to say so I don't ramble or mess it up, which I end up doing anyway.

-When a cashier person makes some sort of small talk other than "your change is..." I get flustered. Answering "how's your day" from someone I don't know gets me flustered. I am better at it but I feel like I have a tape recording in my head that plays each time someone says something like that so I'm sort of trained to respond. I think I sound like I'm trained to respond too, but that could be just me.

-If I'm walking around campus and I see some that's not actually a friend but a person I've met, I'll look away and act like I didn't see them. Then if they see me and say 'hi' I have to act really surprised which actually isn't difficult because I'm probably going through some sort of slightly intense anxiety at that moment.

-Here's the weirdest one for me. The whole time I was in college I dreaded the first day of classes when they called attendance. (usually the only time) I was always convinced that I registered wrong and they won't call my name. Then I'll have to sit in a class that isn't mine so they don't know that I messed up. This also goes along with going into the wrong classroom. Mini panic attacks until my name is called. I never ended up in the wrong classroom or registered wrong but each semester I was convinced it would be THE semester that I screwed up.

-I also don't answer my door unless I'm expecting a delivery. I don't like people being in my apartment. I don't care if it's my sister, dad, or friend. This is MY little safe space.

-Apparently everytime I first meet something, they end up thinking I hate them because I'm quiet, sarcastic when I speak, and generally expressionless. When I'm at my most anxious it's like my facial expressions just shut down and it's blank. My blank face is also apparently my angry face. Go figure.


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## InnerDwellings

I read through a lot of the posts in here. I couldn't get through all of them, but it's so comforting to see so many people have done the same things as I have. It makes me sad for all of you, because I know exactly how you feel, and it sucks so bad.

Here's a few things I can think of...

--I'll state the obvious one first... hiding in bathrooms. It's the easiest place to hide, and it's pretty rare for anyone to ask why you were in there for so long (if they notice).

--In highschool I was always trying to convince my mom I was sick. To this day, no one believes me when I'm actually sick, because I've faked it so often. It got to the point in highschool where I would make myself vomit so my mom would hear me and believe that I was sick.

--I can't even count how many times I left college early and told my parents that the teacher didn't show up or something. I've gotten so good at making up random stories on the spot, it's ridiculous.

--Before dropping out of my first year of college, I was doing placement at a daycare. I hated going so badly that I eventually made up a fake email, pretending to be my placement supervising teacher, and sent myself an email saying that I was failing placement, and would not be able to pass it no matter what I did. I read it outloud to my parents, and even started crying (I didn't even try to), saying I was so upset that I didn't even want to try to go to placement anymore.

--I was in college for Early Childhood Education, which I was taking to help me to become an elementary school teacher. (It's what I've wanted to do my whole life). But rather than doing two more placements (plus re-doing the one i "failed"), I told my parents I didn't want to be a teacher anymore, and it would be a waste to continue the course. It was a complete lie, and to this day, I still would like to be a teacher. I've just convinced myself, and everyone else, that it wasn't meant to be.

--Pretty recently, I was too scared to hang out with a guy who I've gone on a couple dates with, so I told him I sprained my wrist. Now he wants to hang out tonight, and if I go, I'm going to go to the store and buy one of those bandages and put it on before I get to his house, so it looks like I have a sprained wrist. It's embarassing, but I could never tell him I was lying. I still don't even know if I'll go through with the plans at all, though.

--My cousin got married in May, and I had bought a dress, shoes, jewelry, everything. I was ready to go. I was planning on going. However, the day of, I just got so nervous at the thought of spending the whole day out of my comfort zone, because it was out of town, and we'd be taking a limo with a bunch of other family, so I knew I couldn't leave if I wanted to. So that day, I woke up and convinced my parents that I was still too upset over my break up (which had happend about a week before the wedding), and didn't want to be a downer on everyone else. They were mad at me for not going, but it still got me out of having to go. When they all got back and talked about how much fun it was, I was so jealous.


--I was out for dinner for a friend's birthday. She is probably my closest friend, so I went early with her. When other people started showing up, I told her I felt sick and I had to go home. I then left the restaurant and drove around crying, because I was too ashamed to tell my parents I left my own friend's birthday early.

--I have trouble with keeping jobs. Until recently, I didn't ever keep a job for more than two or three shifts, because I would just break down and think I couldn't do it. Then this summer I got a job, and I had kept it for over a month. Then one day, I got to work to start my shift, put my stuff in the locker, clocked it, walked to the floor, and then just turned around, grabbed my stuff, clocked out and left. I never went back. I ended up driving around, because I didn't want to go home and admit that I failed again, but then my dad called my cell phone. When I saw it was him, I didn't answer. Then I listened to his message and it said "Lisa, work just called. They said you didn't show up, and we're all worried about you". I called him back and just started balling. He told me to come home, and I explained to him and my mom and my sister what happened. It was very embarassing.

--I often pretend I don't like doing things so that I don't have to do them. For example, I didn't want to go bowling on a date, so I said I hated bowling. I don't really hate it, but for the whole rest of that relationship I had to pretend that I did.

--Again with bowling, and sprained wrists again, I was supposed to go meet a boyfriend at the time's friends, and they were all going bowling. He knew about my anxiety, so he went along with me pretending I had sprained my wrist so I wouldn't have to bowl. (I should have never broken up with that boyfriend).

--I broke up with said boyfriend because I didn't want to go for lunch with his grandma. It was a terrible terrible mistake, and I still regret it so much, because he treated me so well.

There are tons more, but I think that's all the humiliating memories I need to re-explore at the moment.


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## katelyn

Skurplunk said:


> -Here's the weirdest one for me. The whole time I was in college I dreaded the first day of classes when they called attendance. (usually the only time) I was always convinced that I registered wrong and they won't call my name. Then I'll have to sit in a class that isn't mine so they don't know that I messed up. This also goes along with going into the wrong classroom. Mini panic attacks until my name is called. I never ended up in the wrong classroom or registered wrong but each semester I was convinced it would be THE semester that I screwed up.


I so had this fear too! But it did actually happen to me once - I was in the wrong class because there had been a room change. I had to sit there and pretend I knew what I was doing, when really I was feeling really anxious and stupid! It's so nice to know it's not just me!


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## meltandflow

Hmmm I can't remember much of anything I did but I know that since college started I have not gone out once to get something to eat. I just sit in the library for about 2 hours reading a book from home or playing monopoly on my phone. 

Almost everyday in highschool (at my 2nd one) I would walk 2 miles at least to get to my house and not take the bus for obvious reasons. My excuse was "Buses are slow" and it turned out that I got home before my sister did who took the bus! haha beautiful. 

I talk out potential conversations out loud to myself I may have with people if I go out so i'm "Prepared". now it's to the point where I don't notice that i'm talking to myself literally until like 10 minutes into it. 

To avoid looking at people in class, I would just start writing down my thoughts or randomly draw scribbles on a paper to give me something else to focus on.



that's all I can remember at the moment. I'm so tired. NIGHT! *huggles*


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## Joshy

-Sometimes I take a book with me if I have to take the bus, and pretend I'm reading it so that I don't have to look people in the eye/talk to anyone. This helps with walking too. I just pretend I'm reading if someone walks/drives by me.

-I always bring an mp3 player with me. Even if it's dead or not turned on, I still wear the headphones. When my paranoia gets the best of me, I purposefully leave the volume down low (or off) so I can hear what people _might_ be saying about me.

-Anytime I see someone I know, I pretend I don't see them just to avoid small talk. Even if it's a family member.

-I also avoid looking at myself in the mirror if someone else is in the bathroom, but if I have to, I can pee in the urinals. Even if I'm right next to someone else. It just takes a few extra seconds to get started. Then I think they must think I'm strange because it took me so long to pee. 

-I pretend to read things all the time, like magazines, food menus, phonebooks, etc.. Just so that I don't have to talk or talk as much.

-I love places that have animals because when I don't feel like talking or don't have anything to say, I just pet the animals or talk to them. Or I'll be like, "Hey, where is your cat? I'm going to go find it." It gives me a chance to leave the room and not have to sit there talking.

I probably have more, but this should do for now. :b


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## Mc Borg

When I was younger and used to sleep over at my friends house, I wouldn't eat the whole time I was there.


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## vitalogy

Hmm let's see... I used to never go to the bathroom at school for the longest time. I only got over my fear of using public bathrooms about 2 years ago but it still bothers me sometimes. 

Also at school I used to eat slowly until my friends complained that I was always last to finish eating and they had to wait for me before we could leave the lunch hall. After this I would always try to eat my lunch as fast as possible so I wouldn't feel like a burden to them. Kinda stupid when they weren't really friends but there you go.

Yeah I feel uncomfortable when I go out without wearing a coat or jacket. I just feel like my arms look weird when I walk somehow. If I'm wearing a jacket I almost always grab at the bottom of the sleeves.


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## Maike

katelyn said:


> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!


omg, me too!!!


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## mxyplizk

Wow...so many little random things people have done that I have done too. Has to be more than a coincidence. Anyway, here's me:

Once when I was fairly young, I was sitting in the living room when an elderly neighbor came over unannounced and rang the doorbell. My mom, forgetting that I was there, opened the door up and since I couldn't leave the room because she would see me, I slid underneath the couch. My mom thought I had left, so she and the neighbor both sat down on the couch, which was obviously pretty painful. They chatted for an hour before she left.

I quit orchestra after I could no longer handle the stress of the recitals. There were only two a year...

While I'm on the subject of orchestra, in 6th grade I got put in the 8th grade orchestra, along with a few other 6th graders, which meant that we had to eat lunch with the eighth graders. None of the other 6th grade orchestra kids had issues with this, but I hid in the bathroom and didn't eat all day.

I missed every field trip from 7th grade onward.

I didn't leave the house once the summer after eighth grade.

I missed countless doctors' appointments because I couldn't stand sitting in the waiting room and feeling eyes on me. I would often just get up and leave

I missed every county-wide conference (there were three a year) of a club I was an officer in for three years. When I worked up the courage to go to the last one, I scored well on a test which got my school a pass for the statewide conference if they wanted it and I agreed to participate in a contest. I declined, and my club couldn't go.

Once when I was required to go to an award ceremony, I left immediately after to avoid the mingling period. The two sponsors of the honor society I had been inducted into thought I was angry because there had been a mix-up and my certificate wasn't there that night, and they ended up never liking me. I got kicked out of the honor society the following year for incorrectly recording a service hour, despite the fact that other kids were still in although they clearly fabricated their entire service sheets.

I got in a fight with a friend over the importance of eye contact (I was pro-minimal)

I invited my friends over once because it was my turn to host, but I ended up kicking them out halfway through because I couldn't take it anymore.

If I need to make a call to ask someone I know a question (ex: asking my guidance counselor if she knows of any business internships), I'll make sure I talk to someone else, like calling another nearby school or something, ask the question, and if the answer is yes I will call the original person and ask. If not, I do not call and ask. I hate when people have to say no to me--not because I don't like being told no, but because I feel bad and embarassed that they had to tell me.

Whenever I have to run an errand, I'l go out of my way to a location where I'm fairly certain I won't see anyone I know.

I pretend I'm on the phone/texting whenever I'm alone in public, because I'm worried people might think I don't have much of a social life. And I don't.

When I'm on the computer and chatting with friends, I worry that they'll think I'm weird if I respond to their messages too quick, so I force myself to wait at least 2 minutes after each one. Sometimes I slip up and I always feel like a weirdo afterwards, as if I'm too needy.

I starve myself before important events to avoid discomfort or embarassing...issues, if you know what I mean.

I never hid during high school lunches, but I had some great friends in high school--they were popular and they actually liked me! What are the odds?

edit: Also, my dorm room has a private bath, but I'm too scared to use it because I'm afraid the people in the room below me will be listening. For the record, I've never even met the people in the room below me, and I doubt I ever will.


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## Kanashi

I went to 'tent'(sry i don't think that's how you write it in english...) my windows black for my car even if I needed to change the oil first.


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## Jumper1989

Most of the time when I was avoiding school was to get a away from people who want to harm me. In 8th grade this guy keep messing with me because I was in another clique (small gang inside school), well I would avoid school and once I told my mom about this and she called and asked what his name was and I told her. The next day the guy came over to me and said why did you tell on me? And I just stared at him.

Anyway, it seems like I just woke up about my social anxiety, because I always thought it was because of my ance, but this is not the case. Since 3rd grade I can remember I never talked or made much friends either. Well I can't really remmeber at all what I said during those times. But I guess in 5th grade when I got ance (had it since) it started to really get worse.

Anyway today during 5th hour high school we had a subisutude teacher and she of course being as lazy as she would be, passed around a single piece of paper so we could all write our names so we were accounted for. Well I was nervous people would just pass the paper around me (as usual) so when the paper WAS passed to the next row avoiding like 5 people in my row, I was so obessed on this piece of paper so when the paper passed me I yelled yo to the guy who was about to pass it to another row passed us and he looked at me as if I was crazy and he said "Chill out man" I said I had to let you know man "He said I didn't know" man I was so ****ed up after that.


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## Nickel

Maike said:


> katelyn said:
> 
> 
> 
> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!
> 
> 
> 
> omg, me too!!!
Click to expand...

I do that too! 
I walk really fast when I'm out so no one can approach me. And if I'm in a waiting room or sitting down to eat I have to have something to do or else I feel like an idiot. When I'm in a check out line I tend to drop things and shuffle around my purse nervously because I feel like everyone is watching me.


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## darkchildishdreams

I walk really fast too! And I usually stare in to blank space so that everyone will stay away from me


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## Kanashi

Nickel said:


> Maike said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> katelyn said:
> 
> 
> 
> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!
> 
> 
> 
> omg, me too!!!
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I do that too!
> I walk really fast when I'm out so no one can approach me. And if I'm in a waiting room or sitting down to eat I have to have something to do or else I feel like an idiot. When I'm in a check out line I tend to drop things and shuffle around my purse nervously because I feel like everyone is watching me.
Click to expand...

Yay! I'm not the only one.


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## Nickel

I also feel like screaming at people when they get too close, like the person who stands directly behind me in line. I sometimes scoot forward, hoping that they'll get it but they always get really close. Sometimes I'll stick my leg out and lean on the other so that they can't get too close. 

Although I'm not proud of my little quirks it's nice knowing that I'm not the only one.


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## TheWinnerTakesItAll

Oh I hate standing in line, theres always someone seemingly standing RIGHT UP behind you breathing on the back of your neck...eurgh. And because everyone is as bored ****less as you their eyes wander and it makes it feel like they're all staring at you and judging you.

Standing in line somewhere quiet, like a bank, is worse. I sometimes hold breath in case the people around me can hear me breathing - soooo ridiculous.


----------



## pita

If I have to stand around, my SA makes me start to shake because I don't know what to do with my limbs, so I pretend to be text messaging. Obviously, I am not text messaging. I don't have anybody to text message.


----------



## nothing to fear

crackedcell said:


> i constantly find myself having the most inappropriate sexual thoughts. especially around my lecturer who i do not even really like, yet cannot stop conveying this need to go down on him. that is so wrong i know. but this is true. i cannot believe i just typed that.


i don't think that has anything to do with SA. :lol
but uh.. thanks for sharing anyway!


----------



## Silver Priest

With the exception of family, I can’t talk on the phone to people without breaking out in a sweat. 

I tend to get angry at people my age because they just seem so juvenal, and can’t imagine myself ever being friends with these people, and yet I care so much about what they think of me.

I don’t have many friends, but the people I do like I put on a near divine pedestal, and I pretty much end up bugging them till they tell me to leave me alone. 

I get really depressed/annoyed if people don’t return my emails or anything.

I felt worthless because on a forum I’ve been posting on a good 2/12 years my name was only mentioned once in a 4 page thread about your favorite members.

If I’m not beating myself up I’m beating other people up for not meeting my standards. I can never seem to just be happy.

I tend not to think before I act, and this leads me to panic if the action I've just done does not get the reaction I was thinking it would.


----------



## trancediva88

Maike said:


> katelyn said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!
> 
> 
> 
> omg, me too!!!
Click to expand...

_I am so the same way!!! omg I didnt think other people were like that! _


----------



## pita

katelyn said:


> When I'm walking somewhere, and then I realize I'm going the wrong way, I never turn around and go back if anyone is watching me. I just keep on walking, further away from my destination, and try to get back another way, even if it's quite far. I'm just so afraid of doing something wrong in front of someone!


Haha, you know what I do? I pretend to receive a phone call that requires me to stop, then turn around and go back the way I came. I am such a ding dong.


----------



## meltandflow

Joshy said:


> -Sometimes I take a book with me if I have to take the bus, and pretend I'm reading it so that I don't have to look people in the eye/talk to anyone...
> 
> -Anytime I see someone I know, I pretend I don't see them just to avoid small talk. Even if it's a family member.
> 
> -I also avoid looking at myself in the mirror if someone else is in the bathroom, but if I have to, I can pee in the urinals. Even if I'm right next to someone else. It just takes a few extra seconds to get started. Then I think they must think I'm strange because it took me so long to pee.
> 
> -I pretend to read things all the time, like magazines, food menus, phonebooks, etc.. Just so that I don't have to talk or talk as much.
> 
> ...


Hahaha yes yes me too totally! Books rock, I actually became a bookworm (I used to hate books) because I started college where my SA really kicked in and have to take the bus every single day. Sometimes I spend the whole 20 - 40 minute ride pretending to be studying the transfer ticket or staring at it as to not look at anyone.

I just stare straight ahead or pretend not to notice someone because I've learned that even if I wanted to say hi or smile at someone I know, it becomes very awfully awkward and I feel selfconcious so I've just stuck to letting them say Hi and if they don't, oh well we can talk later.

The bathroom thing! Heck yes. well ... I mean no ... it's like nearly impossible for me to go when someone else in the bathroom like seriously. I get all worked up on the inside and it takes FOREVER for me to get started then I start freaking out inside bc the guy(s) thinks I'm a weirdo for taking so long when like 2 guys (or rounds ) have gone already. I only look in the mirror very briefly, and God forbid me adjusting my hair or collar or something I just get outta there.


----------



## meltandflow

> Haha, you know what I do? I pretend to receive a phone call that requires me to stop, then turn around and go back the way I came. I am such a ding dong.


Hehehehe, me too except with me it's a text or something or I'll stop and look like I'm thinking and look back as if pondering if I forgot something, then go in the reverse (well turn around) direction faster than before as if I actually DID forget something to give me an excuse >.< :eek (They need a palm to face emoticon)

We're both ding dongs ops


----------



## fiktion95

-Whenever I'm on campus and class isn't currently in session my I have my ipod on.
-When I get invited to go do something with a group (rare these days for obvious reasons) I say I'm way to busy with homework
-Avoid public bathrooms when possible
-If a restaraunt or fast food place gets my order wrong, I never say anything about it 
-If I see somebody I know that isn't a close friend, I pretend I didn't see them

Also I do the same as the two previous ding dongs, so make that three of us


----------



## Kanashi

meltandflow said:


> Haha, you know what I do? I pretend to receive a phone call that requires me to stop, then turn around and go back the way I came. I am such a ding dong.
> 
> 
> 
> Hehehehe, me too except with me it's a text or something or I'll stop and look like I'm thinking and look back as if pondering if I forgot something, then go in the reverse (well turn around) direction faster than before as if I actually DID forget something to give me an excuse >.< :eek (They need a palm to face emoticon)
> 
> We're both ding dongs ops
Click to expand...

Make that three!


----------



## Kanashi

TheWinnerTakesItAll said:


> Oh I hate standing in line, theres always someone seemingly standing RIGHT UP behind you breathing on the back of your neck...eurgh. And because everyone is as bored @#%$ as you their eyes wander and it makes it feel like they're all staring at you and judging you.
> 
> Standing in line somewhere quiet, like a bank, is worse. I sometimes hold breath in case the people around me can hear me breathing - soooo ridiculous.


 I used to do that breathing technique. The problem is after not breathing for a while you end up taking a deeper breath and thus making more noise.
Yeah we really do weird things ops


----------



## Nickel

fiktion95 said:


> -If I see somebody I know that isn't a close friend, I pretend I didn't see them


I do the same thing. I never know at what point to make eye contact.


----------



## pita

:ditto 

I remember being 8 years old and pretending I didn't see some girls I sort of knew from school. My mom called me a jerk. THX MOM.


----------



## dreamer222

Wow, everyone here sounds so much like myself! As I've been reading these posts I couldn't help but continually nod my head, because all of the things you guys do sound like something I'd do myself. Here are some weird things that I do/ have done:

-The other day I had my first recitation for an economics class. Well, I was supposed to have it anyways. But when I looked into the classroom and saw that nearly all the seats were full I chickened out and instead headed to the library. (I am still dumbfounded as to why I did that, considering that I'm definitely not one to skip classes, much less the first day of one!)

-Back when I was in 6th grade, my school had this day where we were assigned groups to do activities in the park with. I knew which group I was supposed to meet with, but I was far too shy to tell them that I was a part of their group, so I hung out by myself the whole day! One of the worst experiences of my life, especially since I heard someone's parents calling me "odd."

-I'm also one of the people who was terrified of the lunch room in school. In 7th grade it was the worst. Near the first part of the year I always sat with this group of girls but never talked to them. Then, when they switched tables one day, I assumed it was because of me and so I didn't join them at their new one. Instead I began to find empty areas of tables every day. One day, though, I couldn't find one, so I wandered awkwardly through the halls. NOT a fun thing to do, I can assure you.


----------



## drewbie

Talking to myself ... replaying over incidents that I think I should have handled better


----------



## Mr. SandMan

dwell on every little thing..


----------



## Kathy11

Nickel said:


> fiktion95 said:
> 
> 
> 
> -If I see somebody I know that isn't a close friend, I pretend I didn't see them
> 
> 
> 
> I do the same thing. I never know at what point to make eye contact.
Click to expand...

Me too. Should I say "hi" to people I know and make eye contact with them everytime they walk by? every other time?
Does how close of a friend they are factor into that? I was always homeschooled and/or sick during school so I didn't have much social contact with people outside my family and now that I'm at college I'm not sure what is considered normal.


----------



## Mr. Orange

Last night I was driving home, and my childhood friend was walking his dog by my house. I panicked, drove past my house and turned around, and then parked in front of my house. He was walking the dog slowly, so I think he wanted to talk, but I just sat there pretending to be busy. I then got out of the car and ran to my house when he wasn't looking. :sigh


----------



## serolf

Kathy11 said:


> Nickel said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> fiktion95 said:
> 
> 
> 
> -If I see somebody I know that isn't a close friend, I pretend I didn't see them
> 
> 
> 
> I do the same thing. I never know at what point to make eye contact.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Me too. Should I say "hi" to people I know and make eye contact with them everytime they walk by? every other time?
> Does how close of a friend they are factor into that? I was always homeschooled and/or sick during school so I didn't have much social contact with people outside my family and now that I'm at college I'm not sure what is considered normal.
Click to expand...

Everytime I think is the "norm."


----------



## Nickel

How long are you supposed to hold eye contact when you first notice someone you know? It's weird making eye contact if you see them from far away, like down the sidewalk, to keep holding it until you get close enough to say hi without yelling. And if you're supposed to drop eye contact what do you look at? And what if you see the same person a minute later and then another minute later and then another minute later?

That's what goes through my head so I find it easier just to pretend people aren't there and that the tree next to me is just so terribly interesting. bark is so lovely you know.


----------



## n1kkuh

I was about to go to my friends house the other day thinking there was just going to be my three friends, there were an extra two cars outside his house. I turned back and went home.
lol


----------



## Madstuhh

Nickel said:


> How long are you supposed to hold eye contact when you first notice someone you know? It's weird making eye contact if you see them from far away, like down the sidewalk, to keep holding it until you get close enough to say hi without yelling. And if you're supposed to drop eye contact what do you look at? And what if you see the same person a minute later and then another minute later and then another minute later?


 i fear that too
even if i dont know the person
and they are looking at me.
especially when their so far away
i usually pretend to be looking at something
on my ipod until they get closer.


----------



## trancediva88

Nickel said:


> How long are you supposed to hold eye contact when you first notice someone you know? It's weird making eye contact if you see them from far away, like down the sidewalk, to keep holding it until you get close enough to say hi without yelling. And if you're supposed to drop eye contact what do you look at? And what if you see the same person a minute later and then another minute later and then another minute later?
> 
> That's what goes through my head so I find it easier just to pretend people aren't there and that the tree next to me is just so terribly interesting. bark is so lovely you know.


_oh god this kills me everytime... i try to pretend that i dont see them and at the last second i feel obligated to look at them and at least give my fake smile... this happens to me at work all the time.. If I didnt have to pee I would just hide in my cubicle all day... _


----------



## there.is.no.they

Was able to read just a few pages, but I can relate to almost all of those I've read



bronco028 said:


> With the lunch thing>>I also ate lunch in the bathroom in 9th grade (I risked the germs instead of sitting alone).


-I did this during my first days in college. Went to the ones located to the higher floors coz there's less people going there. I always ate at this local McDonalds and chose the table in the corner. Ate burger everyday, even when I'm already sick of it, coz I find it hard to eat spaghetti.



Nickel said:


> How long are you supposed to hold eye contact when you first notice someone you know? It's weird making eye contact if you see them from far away, like down the sidewalk, to keep holding it until you get close enough to say hi without yelling. And if you're supposed to drop eye contact what do you look at? And what if you see the same person a minute later and then another minute later and then another minute later?
> That's what goes through my head so I find it easier just to pretend people aren't there and that the tree next to me is just so terribly interesting. bark is so lovely you know.


- This is also a problem for me since I have bad vision. I'm not sure if I really know the person until we're very close to each other already. I just pretend to look the other direction or look down while walking til I can say hi. Another thing which worries me is whether I've smiled enough for them to notice. Coz I can think that I'm already smiling, but when I look at the mirror I'm not.



korey said:


> I wear a jacket of some sort 24/7 (even in the 100+ degree weather here in Mississippi). It really is a comfort thing for me...


-Same here! Thank God I have never passed out during summer here. lol



seeking_bat said:


> I switch my status on messenger to "offline" to avoid talking to anyone while I wait for my closest friend to sign on.


-Even on chat, I easily get intimidated, and it's supposed to be easier to find friends through the internet. Afraid that I'm boring new friends coz I run out of things to talk about.

-My procrastination's is pretty bad. It's already been 5 months since I graduated, but I have never reviewed for the licensure exam I am going take this month. And it will be in less than month! :doh :eek

-Locked myself in my room when my brother had his friends in the house. Tried not to make any noise when I opened candies (the only food I had). I remember I once spent morning til late evening there without going to the bathroom and turning the lights on, so they won't know I was home. ops

-I can spend 30 mins or more just replying to a comment, a few hours for email. Have to proofread it a lot of times before sending. I'm worried that I've commited mistakes in grammar, spelling, I forgot to write something, or I might've said something not right even though I know the person I'm sending it to won't judge me. Lol, even in this post, lost count of the hours, tsk tsk.. Maybe I should try to not think much about my replies, probably try to make crappy ones 

I also love this thread, very interesting 
Hope you can excuse my English since it's not my first language.


----------



## katelyn

Kanashi said:


> meltandflow said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Haha, you know what I do? I pretend to receive a phone call that requires me to stop, then turn around and go back the way I came. I am such a ding dong.
> 
> 
> 
> Hehehehe, me too except with me it's a text or something or I'll stop and look like I'm thinking and look back as if pondering if I forgot something, then go in the reverse (well turn around) direction faster than before as if I actually DID forget something to give me an excuse >.< :eek (They need a palm to face emoticon)
> 
> We're both ding dongs ops
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Make that three!
Click to expand...

erm, make that four then! :lol I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does that, it's like putting on a whole act for people who probably don't care!


----------



## katelyn

kelseyC said:


> Nickel said:
> 
> 
> 
> How long are you supposed to hold eye contact when you first notice someone you know? It's weird making eye contact if you see them from far away, like down the sidewalk, to keep holding it until you get close enough to say hi without yelling. And if you're supposed to drop eye contact what do you look at? And what if you see the same person a minute later and then another minute later and then another minute later?
> 
> 
> 
> i fear that too
> even if i dont know the person
> and they are looking at me.
> especially when their so far away
> i usually pretend to be looking at something
> on my ipod until they get closer.
Click to expand...

Yeah I always pretend to be looking at my ipod too! Or phone. Or sometimes I suddenly get extremely interested in something across the street. Anything to avoid eye contact, because I never know what to do in that situation either.


----------



## Mykelae

I had one friend in highschool and she was the only one I talked to the whole entire time, for all four years. I would talk to her about school and stuff and some deep issues. And then when she and I was with a group of people I would feel ok. But when she left, I immediately felt uncomfortable and wouldn't know anything of what to say. I could see it the eyes of the other people, so I would immediately leave whenever she left. 

I went to the cafeteria on my own and took it to the bench inside the hallway. 

In middle school, I would always bring a book while riding the school bus and either pretend to do my hw and was too busy to talk to other kids or actually work on my hw. Strangely enough when one kid asked me what I was doing, I was reading the Starcraft manual, I just said I was reading. Thinking back I know he wanted to start a conversation but I freaked out and answered like I was too busy for him.

If it was a school recess or soemthign I'd sit on some stairs and pretend to finish my hw or read my book or soemthing, so I would look like I'm too busy to talk to other people.


----------



## phoebe.monkey

At uni I always go to the computer lab if I can't find my friends or they're still in class. At school I used to go to the library and read harry potter in the back corner. Never went in the school dining hall unless I had a friend to sit next to. 

If my flatmate has a friend over, I stay in my room- don't even go to the bathroom cos then I would have to walk past the living room! 

Also, if I'm more than 5 mins late for a class or lecture I won't go in.


----------



## Nickel

I always hated it when roommates had friends over. I actually learned to like one of them but it was terrifying for me to have strangers in my safe zone. And sleepovers were the worst! I actually ended up crying in front of everyone then locking myself in the bathroom for an hour because my anxiety got so bad so fast when my roomie had a sleepover. 

Luckily I was able to pass my fit off as really bad pms mixed with "normal people problems" like an unexpected bad grade and too much homework. They understood that and were nice to me afterwards but that was a terrible situation.... I cringe just thinking about it...


----------



## CoreyCarpenter

I talk to myself outloud a lot, especially when grocery shopping.

I live in a duplex, if my neighbor is outside then I won't leave my house. If they are outside when I come home I'll just circle the block until they are gone.

I'll think about going somewhere, then I'll drive to the place and change my mind and drive home. I probably waste a lot of gas this way.

I won't call in orders for food. I will only go through a drive through. If it is a bank or something where I'm not really sure what to do in the drive through, then I'll go inside.


----------



## Nickel

I won't answer the door or phone unless I know who it is. And I won't go to a friends house if other people are there.


----------



## Mr. SandMan

hesitate towards almost everything...


----------



## Stenguyshop

I can relate to all of your stories.

When I was in sixth grade I would walk around school during lunch hour pretending I was looking for my friends but really I didn't have anyone and I didn't want to be seen sitting alone. However, the worst has to be when I would intentionally be tardy to class because that would mean I would get detention. Having detention meant that I could skip lunch. I wanted to avoid being seen as a loner, and walking around the school is such a chore. 

One day, I was sick and I had my mom call the office to say that I won't be coming to school. Well, my mom find out that I had a accumulative of 30 something tardies, equivalent to detention for a whole month. As soon as she found out, I stopped.

I didn't know back then that I had SA, but now that I recently found out that I have it, the judgments I've made are just plain weird and not me.


----------



## TheZeppelin

I've taught myself how to run up the stairs, skipping one everytime, and NOT spill any milk out of my bowl of cereal, and get back to my room.

When I smoke a cigarette, I have to be absolutely alone, No one around. 

When I play guitar (I'm especially touchy with this one) NO ONE can be around, whenever someone walks into the room, I put it back on the stand, turn my amp off, and leave the room. Then wait for them to leave, make sure they aren't coming back, then go back in and play at a lower volume so that way more people don't feel tempted to come listen. I don't know why, but being creative with my guitar is a soft spot in my SA. I have to be alone, there is no other way.

Theres a bunch of others, some I cant think of because its so hammered into my daily schedule.


----------



## elginsgirl

I eat in my car at lunch every day at work because it's too uncomfortable for me to sit in the break room even though i know everyone there...this sucks big time when it's really hot out...i also avoid contact when walking down an aisle or street and someone is passing me in the opposite direction...i know i look like an idiot but I can't help it


----------



## IHaveGoodCards

I tend to hide when I'm out in public and see people I know, unless it's a family member or a good friend. Yesterday, I was at a gas station after work pumping gas, and my boss pulled in behind me, but he didn't see me, and I was too nervous to go out of my way to say hi.

When my brother has a livingroom full of friends over, I walk in the house, see them, and walk the other way. Or if I have to walk through the room to get something, I won't make eye contact with anyone. I'm sure I seem like a b*%[email protected], but I can't help it.


----------



## IHaveGoodCards

trancediva88 said:


> _oh god this kills me everytime... i try to pretend that i dont see them and at the last second i feel obligated to look at them and at least give my fake smile... this happens to me at work all the time.. If I didnt have to pee I would just hide in my cubicle all day... _


Oh man, me too. I'm so awkward about that in work, seeing someone coming down the hallway from far away. I feel weird looking at them the whole time until they get closer, so I usually just pretend to be looking at the floor or something until they get closer. But it's become so stressful, that I've started taking a less-popular route to the bathroom.


----------



## taxgirl

If I spot someone that I know in the store, I also try to avoid them by going to a different part of the store, or I will act like I see something really interesting on a shelf and turn away, hoping they won't see me. 

I make a grocery list ahead of time so I can grab and throw so I'm not holding up anyone in the aisles.

Back when I was in high school, we had 3 lunch periods. I did have a few friends, and I prayed every year that I would get assigned to a lunch period with at least one friend. I was lucky and managed to get one each year, but if they were out sick or something, I would hide in one of the bathrooms all lunch hour, rather than sit alone.

We had two bus runs in HS and mine was earliest in the morning, and the latest at night. This meant you had to kill a lot of time hanging out in the school in the mornings and at night. This was extremely anxiety provoking, especially since I didn't have any friends on my bus run. Everyone would usually hang out outside the doors and talk, and I would just kind of stand against a wall, or walk around the halls like i had a purpose.


----------



## Eilicea

I keep getting almost hit by cars because if I'm walking in my neighborhood and I see someone on the sidewalk I have to cross the street or walk in the street to avoid them.


----------



## meghanaddie

- i go to the gym ridiculously late or early to avoid crowds. i usually wear a hood so i can hide behind it
- if i can't find someone to go food shopping with i just go without food for awhile
- i can be really comfortable with a person one day and completely avoid them the next
- whenever i'm in line or standing idle anywhere i take out my phone and pretend to be texting cause if i don't i'll get really fidgety and not know what to do with my hands or eyes
- i lose my memory at times and i feel like my mind gets dumbed down when i panic
- i feel like SA turns me into an emotionless shell or a robot when i'm lost in it
- im not good at making phone calls and usually just can't. i've lost friends because of it
- i don't say anything to my co-workers aside from an awkward "hello" in the morning and "goodnight" when i leave. i worry that people think i'm a stuck up ***** since i can't make small talk to save my life
- glasses are a comfort to me for some odd reason. i feel really vulnerable when people can see my eyes so hiding them kind of helps me in a sense. in glasses i feel 100% more confident. i used to be cross eyed but i got my eyes "fixed" when i was 10 so the ones i have are fakes but i don't let anyone know it. i wear my non-prescription glasses every day to work since work is the only place i really have to interact with anyone outside of my family or friends. i think i'd be really nervous without them.
- the times i don't have glasses i have alcohol 
- i cant look anyone in the eyes unless i have dark shades on
- if i'm at a party where i dont know enough people or in a public place and start to feel panicky i will hide in the bathroom for hours and claim that i feel sick.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX

If I'm using the subway, I'll go to where there are the least amount of people. Ditto when walking around on the streets (oddly some days I just don't care, so I just go wherever)


----------



## dax

- one of my biggest fears is seeing someone in a store or something who I know. when I go into a store one of the first things I do is sort of look all around first to see if there is anyone that might know me. On a few occasions I have seen people I knew in the store and bolted. 

- certain random people freak me out and I can't act normally around them. I don't know why. this seems totally random, it's not based on who the person is or their personality or relationship to me, or if I am attracted to them or not. just for some reason my body randomly is not comfortable around them and I can't communicate well with them. 

- I ****ing smile too much. People say **** to me and I can't think of anything to say back and ****ing smile like an idiot. I hate my smile and I hate smiling. 

- I feel a lot dumber when I am anxious- I make mistakes doing things I've done a hundred times and can't focus or think clearly or communicate.


----------



## meghanaddie

i finally went through and read all 42 pages of this and i have to say i feel like so much less of a weirdo now. i can relate to so many of these. makes me wish i had found this board years ago.


----------



## sadie08

Ok this is really embarassing...I would have to say my silliest and worst habit is pretending I'm on a cell phone conversation when I'm actually getting anxious about someone near me. Like having to pass someone on the sidewalk when no one else is around...I'll act like I just got a call and "answer" it. Or at the drive through tonight (of course it was drive through, no way was I going in to have to interact with people!) I was pretending to be on the phone. I don't always do that but I was feeling particularly bad tonight and didn't feel like dealing with anybody. Oh that's so crazy, isn't it! :sigh


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## pepsidude185

these make me feel not so weird im not alone. anyway, so i go to class a half an hour early, so im the first one there and i dont have to walk in and have everybody look at me.

there are two sidewalks that go to my classes, i walk on the less populated one so people dont look at me as i walk by.

i listen to make sure nobody is in the hallway before i go to the bathroom.

sometimes i wouldnt go into my own kitchen to get a drink because my family might be in there.

i eat lunch alone in the cafeteria (not the library ), but i bring a book to make me look sophisticated.

whenever i walk by somebody, i pull out my cell phone as to make my self look busy. however, im pretty sure the people who walk behind me think im weird, because they see it every time, lol.

when i walk and there are people around, i feel uncomfortable, so my whole body gets stiff and im pretty sure i walk like a board most of the time.

i use "World of Warcraft" and homework as a cover to why i never leave my dorm.


----------



## pepsidude185

sadie, i didnt even realize you posted that about your cell phone when i posted mine. god it feels good to know theres people just like me.


----------



## pepsidude185

dax, certain people make my SA worse too, its just totally random i know. and i laughed about your smiling thing, i fake laugh at everything, and i do it so much, people have to know its a fake laugh by now. and its not even good, somebody once told me it sounded degrading.


----------



## paris

Sometimes at work if i'm in the bathroom stall and i hear someone washing their hands, even though i'm ready to come out, i will wait until i hear the person leave just in case it's someone i don't feel comfortable around. so weird i know


----------



## paris

ya and i do the cell phone thing too


----------



## Michael W

I just straight up stopped going to school, lol.

My school was in a rural town about 15 miles from my house (which is in a much smaller rural town), My Mom left for work an hour earlier than I went to school and she worked an hour away. The only way I could get to school was the bus, so I just missed the bus on purpose and didn't have to go. I would call my Mom and tell her and she would have me do chores around the house as punishment. Beat the hell out of school any day. I ended up dropping out.


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## mysteryguy85

Wow, this is all so familiar! 
I skipped my high school graduation thing where you walk across the stage. I avoided it because of numerous reasons. Number one I didn't wanna get up there in front of all those people. Number two I wasn't sure if i was well liked or hated or what so I was ashamed to know the response. And three, the answer I feel funny saying, I was worried that when they lined us all up to go on stage that I would be in the wrong order and I'd completely screw the whole thing up. Like they'd call someone else's name and I'd go up because I managed to be in the wrong order.
Better just not to go, though I let my parents down when they found out. 

Okay in high school PE class we'd always do drills. For example, a basketball drill and he'd say "Okay so form two lines, the first person runs up, passes it to the person going the other direction, then runs again and..." and I'd always be sooo scared of screwing it up that I'd have a hard time paying attention because I knew I was already gonna mess it up somehow. 

In HS or elementary school when I couldn't find anybody to be with at lunch I was so self-conscious about being seen alone I'd do everything i could to make it look like I was on my way somewhere or something.


----------



## brealair

mysteryguy85 said:


> Okay in high school PE class we'd always do drills. For example, a basketball drill and he'd say "Okay so form two lines, the first person runs up, passes it to the person going the other direction, then runs again and..." and I'd always be sooo scared of screwing it up that I'd have a hard time paying attention because I knew I was already gonna mess it up somehow.
> .


I almost failed gym in my senior year because I didn't partipate or showed up out of uniform.


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## sadie08

A couple of observations here...reading all of these makes me feel:

1. Obviously we all have a lot in common and it is SO comforting knowing I'm not the only one doing these "crazy" things

2. Makes me sad to see all of us struggling so much when we should be able to just enjoy our lives and not be so stressed

3. We really do have to laugh at ourselves. Some of the stuff I do because of SA I know is downright bizarre and when I go back and read it, it makes me laugh out loud!


----------



## pepsidude185

i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)


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## bluem00n33

pepsidude185 said:


> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)


 I don't know. Never tried weed you actually have to talk to people to get drugs :sigh


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## Mc Borg

bluem00n33 said:


> pepsidude185 said:
> 
> 
> 
> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know. Never tried weed you actually have to talk to people to get drugs :sigh
Click to expand...

Ha! Good point. :b


----------



## katelyn

Mc Borg said:


> bluem00n33 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> pepsidude185 said:
> 
> 
> 
> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know. Never tried weed you actually have to talk to people to get drugs :sigh
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Ha! Good point. :b
Click to expand...

Yes, I've always wondered about this whenever I see people posting about using drugs on here. Even if I wanted to (and I have wanted to), I wouldn't have a clue where to get them! I just don't know anyone. It amazes me how many people do know.


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## softconcrete

wow i used to cover my mouth when i laughed or smiled in 8th grade too! and then someone asked me why i did it and i always thought about that and made it hard for me to smile and stuff. i dunno. in 10th grade i grew my hair really long which actually brought attention to me that i didnt like cuz i had it like covering my eyes kind of. this helped my anxiety because people couldnt make eye contact with me haha


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## trancediva88

paris said:


> Sometimes at work if i'm in the bathroom stall and i hear someone washing their hands, even though i'm ready to come out, i will wait until i hear the person leave just in case it's someone i don't feel comfortable around. so weird i know


 :ditto


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## Kat71

-In high school and college I have faked illness in order to avoid doing a presentation. 
-I used to get to class early so that I wouldn't be looked at while entering the room.
-I often pretend not to see people in order to avoid small talk.
-I have missed several interviews because I let my anxiety get the best of me.


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## serolf

I thought I'd give this a bump.

Talking to myself... out loud... while walking through an empty hallway. Sometimes a person might come out and hear me and then I'd be embarrassed.


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## Mc Borg

^ I'm the same way. I talk to myself more than I talk to anyone else, I'd say...


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## imt

I'm tall and fit a distinctive stereotype. With that said, I walk toward the edge of streets (where cars go) to speed up and get in front of the person. I don't appreciate being stared down like I'm some predator especially with SA and all. It irks the hell out of me. I try hard not to walk behind females as well. Bascially, I don't share sidewalks too much.


----------



## serolf

At a clothing store, if I go down to tie my shoes, I always think other people or the surveillance people/cameras are thinking I'm stealing clothes.


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## ffakename

Woh i never knew there were many people tlike this, im not as servere as i like doing all those things you don't like doing eg. going out, talking with friends, but my problem is that i find it hard to find people to do this with. i dunno, i just find it hard to talk to people and make friends iwth them, but once i do i could do anything with them. yeah thats my problem my problems seem so insignificant to you


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## sheppard2005

serolf said:


> At a clothing store, if I go down to tie my shoes, I always think other people or the surveillance people/cameras are thinking I'm stealing clothes.


Ha. That's great! I always exaggerate my moves at the store so it is obvious what I'm doing (like pulling my cellphone out of my pocket or putting it back) 'cause I'm afraid someone is going to think I'm stealing.

I used to cut school and hide at the local library if my few friends weren't going to have the same lunch time with me that day, because I couldn't stand the idea of going in to find a seat.

It is so neat to see a lot of the things that I did are on this thread, maybe not exact, but similar. It's a trip!


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## sheppard2005

pepsidude185 said:


> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)


Yeah, and extremely paranoid. And procrastinate too much. And eat too much. But I quit, because I wasn't getting anything accomplished, not facing my problems. Addictions bite.


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## imt

serolf said:


> I thought I'd give this a bump.
> 
> Talking to myself... out loud... while walking through an empty hallway. Sometimes a person might come out and hear me and then I'd be embarrassed.


I've been doing this a lot lately.


----------



## reticency23

I would just leave my friends without warning and in a sneak, especially when there was more than one person.

In 8th grade I used to hide in a nearby alleyway rather than stay in the schoolyard in the mornings.


----------



## ah_bon

paris said:


> Sometimes at work if i'm in the bathroom stall and i hear someone washing their hands, even though i'm ready to come out, i will wait until i hear the person leave just in case it's someone i don't feel comfortable around. so weird i know


Same here

Starting around grade 9 I would bike to school every day, rain or shine, to avoid taking the school bus.

Also, whenever I was in class waiting my turn to do an oral presentation or answer a question, I would hope and daydream about a bomb going off or a fire starting somewhere in the school so that we'd have to evacuate.


----------



## Hot Chocolate

I will sometimes go overboard and buy up every CDs I think the cover is nice.

For mp3s, if I saw a title that sounds nice and cutesy, I would download it without sampling.


----------



## losinit

Think that whoever's making me feel anxious is watching me. Most of the time, by the time I look up they aren't even in the vicinity any more. Today I was convinced that a whole row of classmates were watching my every move, and was surprised when i glanced in their direction to see them all focussed on our professor like normal. I still couldn't shake that feeling, though.


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## maurice044

hid in the bathroom during lunch. 
while hanging out at a friends house i pretended to be sick and said that i needed fresh air so i had an excuse to go outside for 15-20 minutes at a time (even though it was freezing outside). got really drunk at parties so that i could interact with people easier. would hide in the bathroom during dances when my date would disappear. 
when walking with my girlfriend down the hall i would refuse to hold her hand cause i was afraid of what other people will think of us.
when i was walking with my girlfriend she started talking to one of her friends and i felt really out of place so i just turned around and walked the other way without telling her.
(didn't take her long to dump me after this)

biggest regret ever- went on a "movie date" with a girl to her house.. we were alone downstairs watching a scary movie with the lights off and i decided to sit on the other end of the couch from her... it got so awkward that she had to call her best friend to come over 

i'll never forgive myself for not making a move


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## maurice044

ffakename said:


> Woh i never knew there were many people tlike this, im not as servere as i like doing all those things you don't like doing eg. going out, talking with friends, but my problem is that i find it hard to find people to do this with. i dunno, i just find it hard to talk to people and make friends iwth them, but once i do i could do anything with them. yeah thats my problem my problems seem so insignificant to you


i'm kind of the same way...
if i get used to someone i can be myself and i'm a really cool person when i'm being myself... but its hard for me to meet and get used to people.


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## losinit

"while hanging out at a friends house i pretended to be sick and said that i needed fresh air so i had an excuse to go outside" 

did/do this but with cigarrettes.


----------



## Mnster

Held my Pee on a vacation for 10 hours. People that were with me went pee while I was sleeping. Once we hit a place to stop I stood in front of the toliet for what seemed like 10 minutes.

Walked 3 miles home as I was to "worried" to ride with a classmate who offered me a ride home.

I talk to myself like all the time.

I always make up excuses when I don't want friends to come over. Pretend I have to work ect.


----------



## King'sCrossing

I always (still do) just eat lunch in the hall and then go straight to class and wait outside the door, waiting for it to be unlocked.

And this isn't really weird by definition...


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## brealair

imt said:


> serolf said:
> 
> 
> 
> I thought I'd give this a bump.
> 
> Talking to myself... out loud... while walking through an empty hallway. Sometimes a person might come out and hear me and then I'd be embarrassed.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been doing this a lot lately.
Click to expand...

I do this too ops


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## VCL XI

This one still haunts me - a mix of anxious timidity and just plain cluelessness:

At a middle school dance ages ago, a girl asked me to slow-dance. Because I had no idea that the custom is for the guy to place the hands on the partner's hips, I had my hands on her shoulders the whole time. A buddy even noticed and told me, "Dude, put your hand on her hips," and I just kind of grinned vacantly pretending I didn't hear.


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## jrockchrissy

I do weird stuff such as look down a lot when I'm walking and walked very stiffly. I also talk to myself, I believe that is because I didn't talk to anyone but a few people in junior and senoir high school. I also would daydream alot during class and at home to avoid talking to people and because it was the only thing that kept me happy. I also am VERY afraid to have a conversation with my parents, especially my father. He doesn't understand my social anxiety at all and thinks I act weird on purpose.


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## TheFriendlyVirgin

I'm thankful for a thread like this. Okay, I'm game....In college i would go to the caf at the earliest hour possible 6:30 am and eat breakfast because no one was in there. I would avoid the caf during the busiest lunch hours and get lunch at 2pm, which means they also put dinner out. So i would take 2 Tupperware containers and put lunch and dinner in them and have the lady ring me up for two meals on my plan, LOL. That way I could eat in my dorm room and not in the cafeteria. I DON'T recommend this to any college students, the caf is one of the most social areas of college and I cut myself off from it time and again...Nowadays, when I get off work, if I want a quick bite to eat and see a place that is busy, I will avoid it and starve till I get home or find a lesser populated place to eat.


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## creativedissent

I would never have an upright posture. I would always slouch and look down to "hide" myself from others. I would also try to avoid chatting with people in the bathroom (i.e. when i heard one doorknob turn, i would immediately get out via the other door. i would also never watch videos or listen to recordings of me. i am always reluctant to look at photos of me too.


----------



## Vaapukka

Well, I did once drive a thousand miles with a steel nail embedded in one of the tires of my car. Couldn't work up the courage to have it fixed until the other choice was explaining why it wasn't repaired yet. 

Shredding a tire at high speed would have been very dangerous indeed. But the other choice was talking to a stranger...


----------



## KumagoroBeam

i did the same weird things as everyone to avoid having to interact with people...
i'm an extremely avoidant person (is that the word?)
at the moment i'm sitting here doing useless internet crap while i should be studying, but i don't want to go up the stairs to my room...because there are people i don't know in the kitchen, some of my mother's boyfriends family.
And they are so nice people. I don't understand why i'm so scared sometimes.


----------



## Indecipherable_Sorrow

I can't go outside when cars passing or people are walking by, so I keep peeking out side like an idiot to see if anyone is out there before I can go out.


----------



## tremelo

its so strange reading this post, as i can relate to nearly all of it!

weird things i do:

-if im in an almost empty or sparsely populated/quiet restaurant, i get really paranoid about people eavesdropping on my conversation- i become overly conscious of everything that i say, and if the person im with begins to talk about something too personal or stupid, i worry about what the other diners or waitstaff must think. i become very occupied with sounding stupid, which only serves to trigger more negative thoughts and then i feel like a total idiot! i dont know if any of this makes sense to people, but its almost like i become so 'preoccupied' with sounding and acting 'natural' that everything i do from there on seems 'rehearsed' to me- kind of like a vicious cycle.

-i hate having to pass or interact with strangers. i go for walks in the park every morning and i dread having to pass fellow hikers and deal with the inevitable acknowledgements that must take place. if i am able to, i will veer off on another path or just crank up my ipod and pretend im really into my workout. 

-i act aloof or preoccupied a lot so i can avoid interacting with people.

-if i have to speak in a public setting (class, etc...), i will later over-analyze whatever it was i said. i play the situation over and over in my head and try to figure out how i must have looked to other people. its really quite draining, but i cant help myself. 

-in college, i had 2 roommates freshman year and lived on a really crowded floor. i used to wake up at 5:30 every morning so i could shower/make coffee/dress for class without having to interact or make small talk with people. the room itself was really cramped, so it also helped me get ready in peace without having to share space with the others (i feel really physically awkward a lot of the time as well). i would then lie on my bed and listen to my headphones or read until i had class. im sure everyone thought i was a weirdo.

-even though im interested in fashion, i tend to dress in a very muted color palate as to not draw attention to myself. i wear a lot of layers and often have glasses on b/c i feel they hide my face/emotions more. 

-i automatically assume that people think im weird and generally dont pursue or straight out avoid new friendships for fear of not knowing how to act or what to say... i assume that people must find me dull or uninteresting.

wow, sorry, that was long. i dont want to further bore you, so ill stop. if anyone can relate, though, please let me know...

its amazing the lengths we go to... exhausting business, really... 

-


----------



## sweet_tiff4prez

I had no one to eat lunch with me in high school so I would stay in the bathrooms sometimes and wait till class started...

I lied when someone asked what I did during the weekend at work. I Said I went to pittsburgh and hung out with a bunch of friends.

i dont normally lie because I hate lying so I dont do it and plus it will catch up with you


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## browardwoman

It was the same for me, I would skip lunch, and read or write in staircase in my highschool. Also I would look at books in library. I just did not want to deal with others at that time. I had a huge turmoil in my family life going on.


----------



## browardwoman

Also, I felt others thought I was looking at them from the corner of my eyes. I was extremely sensitive, and self onscious about that. It got to the point in eighth grade, and as a freshman in highschool That I would just hang my head low to the desk, and do schoolwork. Kids must have of thought I was crazy or weird. It made me feel sad, anxious. Plus I missed my sister's highschool graduation because of that, and I really had wanted to go. It is a regret for me to this day. This all occurred around 1993-1994


----------



## Little Willow

I don't like it when people walk too closely behind me, so I walk really quickly whenever I'm going to classes to avoid that.


----------



## browardwoman

*I relate to basically everything*



tremelo said:


> its so strange reading this post, as i can relate to nearly all of it!
> 
> weird things i do:
> 
> -if im in an almost empty or sparsely populated/quiet restaurant, i get really paranoid about people eavesdropping on my conversation- i become overly conscious of everything that i say, and if the person im with begins to talk about something too personal or stupid, i worry about what the other diners or waitstaff must think. i become very occupied with sounding stupid, which only serves to trigger more negative thoughts and then i feel like a total idiot! i dont know if any of this makes sense to people, but its almost like i become so 'preoccupied' with sounding and acting 'natural' that everything i do from there on seems 'rehearsed' to me- kind of like a vicious cycle.
> 
> -


I hate feeling like people are overhearing me, and are into my buisness. I am very sensitive about that. My older sister and I have gotten into several arguements because of that. I try my best to whisper, or just speak another language. Also when I am on cell, I put the volume really down, and whisper as well. I think part of this is because I don't want people to judge me, and also they may fiind what I am talking about boring and the like. Also I feel like I have to be an actress when I feel like others may be listening.
I don't like to dress up all the time because I feel it draws attention to me, and I feel very uncomfortable about that. When I was in college, I would take the long way if it was to avoid the crowd. I always felt like I was being stared at. I wear tinted sunglasses becasue it helps me with anxiety when I see others as well. I feel more confident. I find myself either at times stuttering, and/or voice shaking because I am so nervous to talk to others. I have even begun doing that with my immediate family lately. Its so silly to me, but I can't help it. I find myself speaking less and less to them.


----------



## zeldafreak234

Roberto said:


> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


This is exactly what I do. I hate it when I express emotion in public. It makes me feel like I'm drawing attention to myself. I also have the problem of avoiding getting help from professors if I have questions. I love math but it is not one of my strengths. So when I am having problems I will go talk to my math professor about it, and I generally spend about three minutes talking to her about any problems I'm having. But I can't stand talking one on one with her so much that after that short time period, whether I understand the material or not, I will thank her for the help and leave. Also, whenever I have to walk anywhere I keep my head down to avoid eye contact with everyone I may come across and sometimes I go to very unnecessary lengths to avoid a crowd of people and I take a longer way around them to get where I want.


----------



## Still Waters

Some people I simply can't maintain eye contact with- As the conversation goes on and on I start looking to the side of them.They turn to see what I'm looking at-real embarassing! Will concentrate so hard on what I'm going to say next-the conversation changes direction-my reply does'nt really match up with what they were talking about. Sometimes can't eat finger foods or sandwiches because I might look messy-also won't eat salads in public for the same reason. Hate brightly lit places! When my dad thought he was having a heart attack and was in the hospital-I wouldnt go to the hospital without putting on my makeup first. My family was shocked!


----------



## tremelo

browardwoman said:


> I hate feeling like people are overhearing me, and are into my buisness. I am very sensitive about that. My older sister and I have gotten into several arguements because of that. I try my best to whisper, or just speak another language. Also when I am on cell, I put the volume really down, and whisper as well. I think part of this is because I don't want people to judge me, and also they may fiind what I am talking about boring and the like. Also I feel like I have to be an actress when I feel like others may be listening.
> I don't like to dress up all the time because I feel it draws attention to me, and I feel very uncomfortable about that. When I was in college, I would take the long way if it was to avoid the crowd. I always felt like I was being stared at. I wear tinted sunglasses becasue it helps me with anxiety when I see others as well. I feel more confident. I find myself either at times stuttering, and/or voice shaking because I am so nervous to talk to others. I have even begun doing that with my immediate family lately. Its so silly to me, but I can't help it. I find myself speaking less and less to them.


im so glad im not alone! people must think im insane, and ive gotten into arguments with friends/family over this. they all think im over-sensitive, but i just cant help it. im obsessed with being judged, i guess. i feel sorry that you suffer from this as well, but in a way im glad that im 'not the only one'. thanks for sharing.


----------



## Lenestro

I dropped out of school when I was 16, went and got me G.E.D. a few days later and since then I've pretty much been a shut-in (for the reasons pretty much given by everyone else in the thread... I just don't want to deal with it).


----------



## Vinita

In gradeschool I feigned I had good vision (even though my vision was getting so blurry, where I couldn't see clearly things that were 5 feet away) just as to not draw attention to myself; when my parents found out, they were puzzled. I had been dealing with reading the white board at school by getting up and going to the front of the class to sharpen my still-sharp pencil, only to take my fill of what was written on the white board, then sit down and write everything I could remember. 

I didn't want anyone to know my world was turning into blurs of color, I didn't want them to learn the reason why I had to walk up close to things to see what they were... I just didn't want anyone to know, so my vision got worse.


----------



## Wingclipped

Let's see...

Two places I used to eat lunch every day to avoid people...the library and alone in my art classroom. I didn't mind eating at the library because I'd managed to make a group of friends who did the same thing, and we would sit and gab. When I ate alone in my art classroom, that was weird. I think what started that was this really cool, trendy group of people came up to me one time when I was eating alone in the cafeteria and asked me to start sitting with them, but instead I avoided them from then on and stayed in that classroom...lol.

I don't do things like that so much lately, however when my mother and I were at the mall the other day, we wanted to check out this store with a catchy name only to find some high-pressure salesmen beckoning us in. We politely refused, but since we were already heading in that direction and it was a dead-end, instead of turning around there and making it obvious that's what we'd be interested in, we went into the Sears. ^^


----------



## kaye

Yes I remember so many times feeling intense shame and fear and hiding bc I had no friends.

I find it very interesting so many people went in the library during lunch to escape the social situation. That never even occurred to me, to do that! Wow! I would leave school to get away at lunch time, and a few times tried to eat away from everyone else, beside a building, so I wouldn't be seen. This was a particular shameful experience for me.

And in groups I would do what I call "numb out" which means I'm not really following the conversation, just go mute and am just there not participating, unable to participate.

I also did have some fairly normal social times in high school. I had one friend who was very social, and that makes it easy you can just pal around with them. She really liked me and she was very nice.

I started cutting school in third grade, when I was nine, and cut right through to twelfth. We moved when I was nine and somehow I got afraid to go to this new school.

It's all quite sad. But it's helpful to share w/other people about it, it really does help. It's sad our societies are so ill-equipped to take good care of highly sensitive kids.

Even now as an adult I'm struggling. I need to write on a different post about that.

Remember you are as good and worthy as anyone! That is the truth. As long as you're not hurting anyone, there's nothing you're doing that's wrong...


----------



## kaye

oh yeah and I remember at home my Mom would have company, and she'd say to me, "Kaye, did you speak?" And at least once I barked like a dog! ha. I didn't even want to be social, I felt I didn't like her friends, didn't want them there.


----------



## scriabin221

When with a bunch of people and sober I sometimes revert to thinking in Russian and answer question with one word and sit in the corner.


----------



## kaye

It's helpful for me to know so many had problems w/p.e. I suffered so much w/p.e., got F's, was so afraid bc I could not do sports. Once at the end of the semester we were supposed to run a really long distance, 1mile? 3miles? can't remember, but I did it thinking then I'd pass the class, but I didn't! 

Also when I started jr. high I had so much social anxiety and shame and panic bc of not having friends and having no one to eat lunch with, that summer when my family visited relatives on the east coast I stayed with my aunt and uncle for one semester! Then, after one semester I "ran away" again back home.

Also remember times, especially during summer vacation, feeling a lot of shame bc I had no friends. Once I called my old friend to hook up w/her again, and went to see her and her new friend at her new friend's house, and they were wrestling w/each other (? I never did that), and they asked me, Why did you call her? Like I was weird.

Also once I called a friend on the phone and asked if she could "play," and so much time had passed the other kids apparently were no longer saying "play," so then they crank-called me back asking "can you play? can you play?" making fun of me, and I felt so weird and ashamed.

Also avoid the phone call thing.

Also I just put a message to Elain Aron on her hsperson site, about our boards here and how sad I think it is that so many are suffering this way, just for being sensitive types, I think! I was telling her bc I want her to know about this, and maybe she could help in some way...at least we have these boards, that is a big gift for all of us, otherwise alone and feeling so much pain!


----------



## JohnIZZLE

korey said:


> I did the whole cafeteria disappearing act, too. Only in my junior and senior year, though. I would go to the library and sit in a chair until it was time for the next class. During my senior year, I would skip days where I had to give reports or presentations (or merely read orally). Can't stand any of it at all.


Yea I didn't pick that up until my junior/senior year too. During my freshman and sophomore years, I was into drugs and alcohol so I always sat with the "druggies" during lunch. However, after losing contact with many of my so-called friends and doing a bit sobering up, I found myself unable to relate, much less hold a conversation with anyone who was not associated with those things. I wanted to make new friends, but I felt alienated, believing everybody, because of who I used to hang out with, would think I was a bad influence on them or something. I just kept to myself in fear, trying in vain to look like nothing bothered me. To save myself the humiliation of looking like a loner, I went to a library during lunch, acting as if I something more important to do.


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## JohnIZZLE

Amusingly, a couple of my friends call me Phantom because of my tendency to abruptly leave parties after about thirty minutes. If I feel even the slightest social discomfort, they look away for a minute and when they look back I'm already gone, pulling out of the driveway/parking lot.


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## nervousjeff

SomethingSomething said:


> I used to to do any and everything to get out of going to school. Sometimes I would outright beg for my grandparents to let me stay home, which is pathetic, I know, but I didn't care if it kept me away from all those other kids. I would also sometimes claim to be sick, which worked for awhile, but after I started missing over 20 school days, my grandmother stopped believing me. There were times where I would claim to be sick and she would say that if I was sick, I'd have to go to the doctors and I'd agree to go and waste many a doctor's time. But it eventually got to the point where I couldn't stay home unless I could prove I was sick (except for early in the school year when I hadn't missed any days, then she was a little more lenient), like if I threw up or have diarrhea or something. I'd try to lie upside down or spin in circles in the hopes that I might throw up. I also used to stick my finger in my throat and try to force myself to throw up. I believe I only got this to work one time, and my grandmother figured out what I was doing. *I remember on one occasion, I held my younger brother upside down and spun him around in circles until he threw up, and then I claimed that the puke was mine and got to stay home to next day.* Horrible, I know, but I'm being completely truthful when I say that I was completely terrified every single day. I remember my grandmother even having to literally pull me from my bed on some occasions, and this was when I was like 14 years old!
> 
> I also remember once during our Home Economics class, our teacher made us watch this video about germs ("little green men" she used to call them), and in the video, they had this "rap" about germs and she forced everyone in the class to sing along. I didn't participate for obvious reasons, and she singled me out and insisted that I join in. Now, this was incredibly frightening for a number of reasons. Aside from my SA and the obvious embarrassment that goes along with having to participate in something so utterly ridiculous, I was the nerdy, boring, square kid in the class who never did anything wrong, so I'm sure they all found this whole thing hilarious. I eventually started mouthing the words but not saying anything, which didn't seem to fool anybody. She then suggested that anyone not participating would have to stand in front of the class the next day and sing alone. Fortunately, I managed to get my grandmother to let me stay home that day, so I have no idea whether she was willing to make good on that threat.


Yeah, this post is old, but I loved the part in bold. Thanks for being brave enough to cop to all of this stuff, all of y'all; it ain't easy being shy. I, too, am a former bathroom diner. When I was in the ninth grade, I got picked on a lot by some of the other kids (just mentioning the word "highwaters" is enough to drive up my blood pressure a couple points), so in comparison, the marbled black stalls and stuffy smell was a heaven, er, haven. 
Nowadays, I make it a habit to show up at different social occasions at least 15 minutes late, so that things are already starting up/in progress, and I don't have the awkward experience of waiting around with either one person who I won't know what to say to, or two or more people who'll already know each other. :mum Thankfully, that's being "fashionably late," not tardy, here in the big city.


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## kkluv20

*Great Thread!*

This is a great thread! I knew I had a lot of odd fears and avoidance behaviors, but reading the replies makes me realize just how many I have... I made a list of the ones that applied to me, and posted it as a blog on my profile. If I think of any more I will add to it. It's just to sort of evaluate myself.


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## Brice

When we moved to Idaho, I spent an entire year with no friends, so my concerned parents had the school counselor set me up with a group of friends. I still to this day haven't made a single friend on my own, they've all been people who first initiated contact or friends of friends type of thing.... And I've done most everything in all of the above postings.


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## kaylarose

i know this thread is old now but;

i remember when i was in HS and we were at camp. i basically wandered off by myself and hid until it was time to go to bed.

i'd sit in the toilets too while eating

when im at the mall, id always "act" as tho i was on my way somewhere, meeting someone, in a rush etc so other ppl didn't look at me like i had no friends

i'd lie a lot just to make my life seem more interesting and still do nowadays, usually small white lies like i went out the weekend, saw a movie, went to friends etc if anyone asked.

i make out like my cell is on silent just in case the person im with wonders why i never use it

i lie to myself by blocking out everything, watching DVD's, cleaning my room, keeping "busy" so i don't have to sit alone


i know that all sounds really depressing...there's another side to my life too where i used to go out, have a lot of friends..now my life is totally different and i feel stuck and back how i was in HS.


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## sanspants08

tremelo said:


> i do this too!!! i'll freak out and just leave. people are always like wtf?


Hey, me too. I'm usually the last one to arrive and the first to leave. Lol, behaving this way at the bar does save one a great deal of $$$.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I would find any quite spot I could get (usually the library) of a lunchtime at school and sit in the area in the corner between the bookshelves and just pick out any random book and just read. I'd often pass away my time in this way but whenever the library was closed I would just find a nice place secluded where I could sit alone in the school yard and just take in my surroundings. But I was alright with that because I was always the type to take more notice of my surroundings.

Also, I always had the tendency to avoid some situations (irrationally) like the plague because I was just too fearful of them and what I'd have to do to be social and expansive etc.. I'd make up excuses in my own mind to try and justify my choices (even though I knew they were just a way to keep myself from having to enter them to start with) and my father always thought I was pretty weird for doing things like this.. Yeah, I would say anxiety and my overall lack of social skill is my major downfall..


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## keithp

I have a small garbage in my bedroom for papers and stuff it's lined with a plastic bag so the garbage is not dirty, but my room is upstairs, so the kitchen and bathroom are downstairs. Well i'm so shy of strangers that when my sisters new friends were over I stayed in my bedroom for 5 hours doing nothing hungry and having to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD! Finally I could no longer hold it so I went to the bathroom in my garbage, threw the closed bag out my bedroom window, and when her friends left threw the bag in the trashcan outside and nobody ever knew.


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## dax

Use the bathroom for the other office so I don't run into people I know from my office in the bathroom and have to make small talk.


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## Hot Chocolate

I have a tendency of wanting to push people to talk to me more online if I am in the mood to get to know them. If they don't, I feel rejected.


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## MeganC

dax said:


> Use the bathroom for the other office so I don't run into people I know from my office in the bathroom and have to make small talk.


Awkward! I think it should be against the law to make small talk in a public restroom. No good conversation has ever started in the john...ever.

Like some of the others who responded, I skipped a lot of class in HS and hid in the stalls in the ladies room. After awhile, the counsellors just sent me home. Success! I'm also a master bus route finder in several cities. If there's a situation I need to get out of, I know the stops, the transfers, and the depots like the back of my hand. It sucks to have panic attacks but no car:lol


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## Kat90

When I was in HS I would always wait until after school to eat my lunch because I had nowhere to sit. I would spend all my breaks hiding in aisles in the library and even when people would ask me to join them I would alway make some excuse. Whenever people would invite me to hang out, go the movies or to a party I would always weasel out of it. I felt terrible, but I couldn't stop myself, it just became reflex to say no. Eventually people stopped asking. And yeah, I spent a lot of time in the toilets. I would actually time how long I spent in there- like after I was in one bathroom for 15 minutes I would leave and go hide in the bathroom in another building so nobody would notice what I was doing.
Wow. I've never talked about this before, not even to my counsellor, I was too embarrassed. It's actually comforting to read this and know that other people do these sorts of things too.


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## its_Rob

I used to stay in restrooms and the library a lot last year during lunch. No matter were I sat last year someone would always invite me to sit with them and their friends and I was always uncomfortable. This year everybody ignores me so now I can finally sit by myself.


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## finster

If I am walking down a hallway or a street and I see a stranger approaching there's a good chance I will freak out and turn around and go back the other way. Then I find a place to hide and try to figure out a way to get back to where I was going without anybody figuring out that I'm crazy.

When I open the door to check the mail I have to glance right and left and hope there's nobody out there that might see me. Then I hurry up and get the mail and shut the door. Also, on garbage day I take the trash out really early so nobody sees me. I water the lawn so early it's still dark out because I can't have anybody see me do it.


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## finster

If someone knocks on my front door I go and peak through the kitchen window to see who it is praying they don't see me. If I don't want to talk to them I go hide in the bathroom in case they come around back and look through the doorwall.

Also, I leave the phone ringer off so I don't freak out when it rings. I figure I'll see the caller ID flashing so I can decide to listen to their message and or call them back.


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## nightwalker

Omg. I thought i was the only one that did these things like hiding in the bathroom and stuff.
I did that stuff too as a freshman. I regret all of it though. now i'm in my new school as a sophomore.. but i have someone to sit with so i dont have to hide. (except i get ssa around her too.. xP well shes my companion.. for now.. until she gets other frends  )


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## finster

Whenever I'm at a group function after about 5 minutes I start thinking about how I can escape. Eventually due to SA I kinda fade into the background anyway and when I think I have been there long enough that nobody will think it's weired that I am gone already I will try like heck to sneak out without anyone noticing. Real normal, huh?


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## dax

MeganC said:


> Awkward! I think it should be against the law to make small talk in a public restroom. No good conversation has ever started in the john...ever.


It's even more awkward when you see someone you know and you can't think of anything to say and don't say anything at all to them. I usually just give a short "whats up" and hurry along like I really have someplace important to be. Ugh.


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## wxolue

Ive tried going to dances, but I always felt too awkward so I just left. I tend to squint at people when im talking to them if I feel anxious. When I moved earlier this year, I tried more than once to go eat in the library. Not so serious, but I still hate walking down the halls and would avoid it if I could


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## Squirrelevant

When I was going to uni, I lived in shared accommodation with a bunch of strangers and I'd avoid them all as much as possible...

- Often I wouldn't walk out of my room and I'd miss all my classes for that day.

- I'd often skip meals because I didn't want to have to enter the kitchen to prepare something. I'd also put off going shopping, so there have been several times when I've felt like I was starving to death. I lost a lot of weight because of that, and I was already too thin. It was so bad one time that, when everyone seemed to be asleep I had to sneak out and bring a bottle of milk back to my room (it was all I had that didn't require cooking). It was sickening but out of desperation I drank the whole thing.

- I'd also have some pre-cooked food like spaghetti bolognese (some of you Americans might know it as "spaghetti and meat sauce" ) and soup stored in the freezer and, because I didn't want to spend the time in the kitchen defrosting it, I'd just take it into my room and hack off icy chunks to eat. :9

- If I was a bit late for a lecture I would sometimes avoid going in because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I was slightly late for one of my final exams and I couldn't bring myself to walk through the door, even though the test probably hadn't started yet. Thankfully a counselor at the university was able to organise another time for me to take the test.


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## flapjacker

I think the weirdest thing I do is roll tiny pieces of paper or tissue into a ball and roll it between my index finger and thumb. I will do this for hours sometimes and have to make myself stop. The ashtray in my car is full of them, and so are my pockets sometimes.

I have a shy bladder, so if I go into a quiet, small restroom and there are several people in there, I always just grab some tissue.


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## Taija

I've done (and still do every once in a while) lots and lots of skipping because of SA. I always pretended I was sick, and to prove this I often pressed my head against a heater to make it seem like I have a fever or shoved my fingers in my throat so I would throw up.

I rarely eat at the cafeteria because I hate sitting on my own and eating around others makes me a bit nervous. I also spend many breaks in the library's bathroom (where we aren't allowed to go).

I'm sure I've done many other things, but I can't remember any now.


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## tremelo

Kathy11 said:


> I apologize constantly for Everything. Like, if I'm working in the library and my mechanical pencil is squeaking, I say sorry to the person next to me. I'm afraid that I'm bothering other people but what we need to realize is that were're usually not, we just imagine that we might be. Sometimes ppl don't even know what I'm apologizing for b/c they didn't even notice my pencil squeaking though it always seems so loud to me.


i do this too! i'm perpetually apologizing for everything under the sun- half the time people don't even know what i'm talking about. i also always am afraid of 'bothering' people or 'getting in the way'. i hate grocery stores for this reason. the aisles are so narrow, and i get freaked out with all the shopping carts and whatnot coming at me. sometimes i just wish i could disappear when i'm in those type of situations.


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## sassyinside

Wow a lot of people have done some of the same things that I have. For me is started in Kindergarten but everyone thought I was just painfully shy. I would get off the bus and hide in the bushes. From 6th grade on I didn't ride the bus and I NEVER ate lunch at school. When I worked I would eat lunch at my desk I wouldn't even leave my desk to go to the restroom


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## Hot Chocolate

I dunno why, but when I hid behind something, I felt that I am less anxious than I am facing someone with my whole self.


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## quietgirl2222

When I played a concert in the school orchestra for the Board of Education (I almost threw up and faked my playing), I had to state my name afterwards and it would not come out and I was almost crying. Also I would eat in the bathroom during lunch and hide ni the stalls when someone came. And I couldn't eat anything sloppy in front of people because of the fear of getting food on my face.


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## Georgina 22

I am glad that there are other people out there who used to avoid not mixing with the other students at school at breaktimes/lunchtimes.

I had special needs so i used to have to go to the special educational needs department sometimes at school to get help with my maths, spelling etc. i kinda liked it because i had to sometimes miss a class to go there instead. 
The staff knew that i had a problem with shyness and that i was bullied so at breaktimes/lunchtimes they gave me to choice of letting me sit in there and they even let me have my lunch in there too. Other students who used to go in there used to look at me because they wondered why i eat in there instead of with all the others. I eventually used to just eat a chocolate bar from my lunch if there were too many students around because i didn't want them to stare at me. 

Because i was bullied and i found it hard to mix and join groups in PE, i eventually got to get out of PE. So instead of doing PE i could catch up with my homework or something in the special educational needs department.
LOL i guess i was kinda a teachers pet and got away with stuff because i was shy

At exam times, the special educational needs department used to be closed off for like an hour or 2 so that the other special needs students could do their SATs/GCSE's/A levels in there. One time, an exam was being taken place in there during my breaktime and lunchtime and i got abit worried because i've not be able to sit in the room. So i once sat in the toilet til my lunchtime was over and to go to my next lesson. That was embaressing because there was only 4 toliets and 3 was out of order i think and because i was in there a long time, someone knocked on the cuticle door and said "Hello, anyone in there." I held quiet for a while pretending no one was there but it was obvious someone was in there, so i had to open the door and go out because she wanted to use the toilet.

I just let the phone ring at home because i don't like answering the phone. 

I don't answer the door, if the doorbell rings when i'm the only one downstairs i'll go quietly upstairs and pretend to my parents i didn't answer the door because i was upstairs or in the bathroom. 

When my sister has her boyfriend round at our house. And they walk pass me in the room i am sitting in. I pretend i am so engrossed into a magazine/newspaper or a website on my laptop or texting on my phone that that's why i didn't look at them or talk to them.


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## Amarth

I really have to say that it is such a huge relief for me to read some of these stories. I can see so many of my own experiences on this thread. I dont want to type a list as a lot of the wierd things ive done have already been said by others. I will just say that at work, when people invite me to go to lunch with them, i pretend to have something important to do and then i go and eat in my car. im really ashamed of it but it feels good to finally admit it. 

Thanks for starting this thread


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## snowfly

I used to volunteer at a children's museum and would often finish tasks early but dread talking to the supervisor so I would pretend like I was still busy until I had to go. 
I'd also take frequent bathroom breaks just to get away from everyone in the room. 
While I waited for my mom to pick me up I would hideout in the bathroom or stairwell so I wouldn't have to interact with anyone in the main room. 
If I'm going out to shop (for clothes) I go early on a weekday when everyone is still in school. 
If I'm at some big store like walmart I'll go through the garden department checkout where there is less people


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## ilikebooks

I'm still in high school (lucky me), so I definitely do most of the stuff people have mentioned here. I'm always in the library at lunch, either adding to projects or doing research just for fun. I've learned to live the past few years without eating lunch. 

I always have to have a book with me. Even if I'm just going to be waiting at a bus stop for five minutes, I need to pretend to read. I can't bear the thought of making eye contact with someone else who's waiting, or someone driving by in a car. I used to read while walking down the street as well, but I ended up walking into too many things/people, which was even worse.

I also spend unhealthy amounts of time answering posts on here and on another message board, rereading them obsessively, making sure they're perfect--and then I don't post them. I guess I figure nobody will care anyways.

I'll do a bunch of tasks at work that nobody else really wants to do so I don't have to help as many customers. Usually it's something like cleaning up coffee spills, going outside to bring out recycling, or cleaning the back room. Boring, but safe.

Oh yes, I'll also sometimes pretend to be really engrossed with texting someone if there are a bunch of people around me, to make it look like I actually DO have friends.

I'll probably be posting more later.


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## Zombygrl

I remember in middle school I avoided riding the bus home because I had no one to sit with.
Also I used to pack my lunch so I could eat quickly as possible and not have to stand in line with all those kids for food. Then there was skipping speeches in class, I refused to do them and would take an F on them every time. 

Nowadays, if I'm at a party or wherever else and don't know anyone there, naturally I don't know what to say so I'll pretend I'm texting on my phone. I managed to do a speech class in college though amazingly. But I made sure it was a small class in the summer that way I didn't have to talk in front of a lot of people, it was still very stressful and I hated doing it.


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## victoriangirl

This is a pretty emotional topic, especially reading what everyone else has been going through and how much of it (almost all!) goes for me as well. Here are some other 'weird' things I do;

-fake a cough attack and leave the room when I know my name will be called out or I have to stand up and speak up in a group/training/meeting
-pretend to be talking on my cell phone while waiting for a bus and I don't want anyone to talk to me. (especially people I know form school, work etc)
-walk a long distance instead of riding with a colleague
-hide under my desk if I do not feel like talking to someone (!!!)
-just hide anywhere really. Hide in the toilet for hours, hide at home, hide in closets, behind closets, hide behind people, hide behind pillars, hide in a car...it's a good thing I can laugh at myself at moments like these!
-I am 30 and still haven't gotten my drivers' licence.
-look for hours for an item in a store- instead of just asking a sales person- to find out that they don't have that item at all there. (happens weekly)
I could go on and on...


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## Freiheit

In ninth grade I used to hide in the bathroom 'till lunch was over cos I had no one to sit with and even sometimes went to the library. I used to sit alone and it didn't bother me in fact but one day there was this b**** sitting next to me with her friends and I saw her saying something quietly to them while looking in my direction and I think she even said something to me but I tried my best to just ignore it or act like I can't hear. That's when I got fed up and decided to never eat in the cafeteria in risk of being ridiculed again. 
I also avoided going to my friend's birthday party by making up an excuse that I was busy with something else when I really wasn't. I did the same when my other friend invited me to a party, made up an excuse so I wouldn't have to go cos I was afraid of how much anxiety I'd have to deal with when around all those people and having to mingle to fit in.
Also, once there was this class field trip I went on and we stopped at a fast food joint to have lunch and I was embarassed of eating in front of my firends and also of having to speak up and say what food I wanted, so I lied that I wasn't hungry and wasn't feeling well even though in reality I was fine and hungry to a point where my stomach was growling.


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## snowfly

> -look for hours for an item in a store- instead of just asking a sales person- to find out that they don't have that item at all there. (happens weekly)


 I also do this and it gets annoying. I have asked for help a few times in the past and felt like an idiot when what I wanted was right in front of my face.


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## Georgina 22

Oh yeah something else i just remembered.

One time my sister had one of her friends over for the whole day. Starting at 9am in the morning and she was here til about 6pm. My parents were at work, so i was home alone with them. They hung out downstairs in the lounge watching films. I just cooped myself upstairs in the my bedroom watching TV or my parents bedroom sitting on the computer. I didn't go downstairs once. I didn't even go downstairs to get something to eat for lunch because all just because my sister's mate was downstairs. I was worried she'd look at me and talk to me or whisper to my sister about me. 
My sister was abit worried that i hadn't come downstairs not even to get a drink or eat something and my sister shouted up the stairs in front of her mate i'm sure "You can come downstairs you know! We don't bite! You must be starving!" and i was thinking "omg! shhhh. How embarressing" and replied to my sister "Oh i'm ok, i'm not really hungry." when really i was starving :um 
I was sooo happy and relieved when my sister's mate went home and i eat my dinner fast that night LOL because i was sooo hungry!!!!


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## ShortestRaymond

This is a pretty amusing thread:

I used to piss in jars in my bedroom when I lived in a share flat to avoid walking through the living-room to where my room-mates were. That was a bad patch. I think I used to lie in my room with the lights off, too, so they wouldn't know I was home, and they wouldn't think I was ALWAYS home.

I've often pretended to go to the bathroom when I didn't need to, just to get away from people or a social situation

Today I travelled for an hour to enrol myself in a class I want to do, found the building, climbed the stairs to the right floor, stood outside the door for five minutes listening to people talking inside, and then left without enrolling.:roll


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## Sugababie4

*Wow...*



ilikebooks said:


> I always have to have a book with me. Even if I'm just going to be waiting at a bus stop for five minutes, I need to pretend to read. I can't bear the thought of making eye contact with someone else who's waiting, or someone driving by in a car. I used to read while walking down the street as well, but I ended up walking into too many things/people, which was even worse.


Haha and I thought I was the only one who did that.

In high school, I found something that helped me survive the high school cafeteria. I brought a book and read it. First, I would have to find some obscure corner of the cafeteria, then I would have to take the book and read it. Actually read it. Because if I were mentally somewhere else, then I wouldn't have to be afraid of the cafeteria.

"...fake a cough attack and leave the room when I know my name will be called out or I have to stand up and speak up in a group/training/meeting."

Hmm, not a bad idea, victoriangirl. Beats blanking out, stammering, and nearly bursting into tears in front of everyone. I think I'll try...no seriously!

I used to have the shy bladder thing also. And to the people who mentioned the constant apologizing, well...that's something I do also. My roommate pointed it out to me at the beginning of the year, when we first moved in.

Her: "You know, you apologize a lot."
Me: "I do? Sorry--I mean, oops. Sorry for saying sorry. I mean--damn it! Oh, sorry for cussing--"
Her: "Okay, just stop talking."
Me: "Okay, sorry."

It really was like that. Pathetic.


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## citizen_erased

tremelo said:


> i do this too! i'm perpetually apologizing for everything under the sun- half the time people don't even know what i'm talking about. i also always am afraid of 'bothering' people or 'getting in the way'. i hate grocery stores for this reason. the aisles are so narrow, and i get freaked out with all the shopping carts and whatnot coming at me. sometimes i just wish i could disappear when i'm in those type of situations.


That pretty much sums up why i get anxious in supermarkets, i always feel like i'm getting in people's way. Also, if there's something i want on a shelf that i can't get to because someone's in the way - be it in a supermarket or a shop - i'll pretend to be looking at something nearby and wait for them to walk away rather than ask them to move. If they don't walk away after a minute or so i'll just give up and leave empty handed.

I tend to apologize for EVERY. LITTLE. THING too, even if it isn't really my fault. I know it's pathetic but i just can't seem to stop myself :afr


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## Alphataru

It's pretty sad really, but let me list some of mine:

1. When I know my friends want to get me to go out clubbing with them, I don't answer my phones or pretend it's dead.

2. When I'm about to go out, and hear people in the hall, I tend to wait a few more minutes until they've taken the elevator to go out, just to avoid people.


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## erinmcvicar

I hate going to church alone and have only done it a few times. I sat in the very back if i went. If I was to scared to go I would get all dressed up and ready and then go to target for an hour so my parents wouldn't know. I would sometimes be too scared to actually go into target alone and id sit out in the parking lot in my car. anytime people would walk by i would pretend to be on my phone so i wouldn't have to make eye contact. 

I've also pretended to be sick on many occasions to get out of going to school. I used to live in a very small town and i would go on walks with my dog but would always walk outside of town to avoid passing people and always had headphones in as an excuse not to talk in case i did see someone. 

I find it hard to think of odd things ive done because i don't really think of them as odd but to other people they would be very strange. I just do them without thinking.


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## solasum

Last year after I did my presentation, I walked back to my chair. I basically had my focus on my chair, and I accidentally kicked someone's purse across the room. I just kept walking, pretending I didn't notice. It wasn't funny to me at the time, but..


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## Panicprincess

In school when I couldn't sit in class because i felt too much pressure I would go to the bathroom...I lied and told my teachers I was prone to bladder infections.

before I walk into a busy place I walk back to my car and pretend I forgot something.

At the grocery store I sometime park then drive home to relaxe before I can go back to actuallygo shopping.

for my wedding rehersal I had to take a walk around the block before I went in the church everyone else had to wait for me.

I missed our rehearsal dinner I blamed it on being tired but really I just couldn't get myself to go in the building.

I hate being watched when I open presents so I will try to act like I don't feel good or just say I don't want anything.

I once lost 20lbs because My family was having a reunion and I couldn't eat because of all the people. I didn't eat for like a week...lying saying I already ate.


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## LonelyHeart87

mademoiselle T said:


> Also, when I'm washing my hands in front of the mirror and someone walks in and uses the mirror / the sink, I will not make eye contact with that person, nor will I look at myself in the mirror. Only when the person leaves, will I scrutinize my face in the mirror.


Same here! Word for word.


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## chrisb3428

> I hate being watched when I open presents


Same. Even if I really like the presents I get I guess I have a hard time expressing it and sometimes I feel like it comes off that I didn't really like it.

In high school before school started I would walk around the hallways instead of going into the atrium and talking like most other people.

Last year I used to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the gym because it was the only time I could go when no one was there and I was doing a lift I'm not familiar with/dont lift a lot on/look weak.

I told my friend I was going to be busy on his birthday because I knew there would be a lot of people at his party.

I always use the stalls in the bathroom and if someone ever walks in I'll wait until they leave to finish my business

I also edited this post 3 times because I didnt want that last sentence to come out wrong lol


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## Attica! Attica!

When told we would have to share lockers with another person for a drawing class, I freaked out and told the other girl that I'd never use it anyway. Then I had to lug two huge sketchpads, and a heavy bag of materials to class every day for the whole semester.


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## dyssomnia

i did the typical walk around school aimlessly but pretend like i had somewhere to be. all the while making sure to never cross the same hallway twice. in college this has now evolved into sitting down and chain smoking

also in school if i was walking in one direction and realized i had to abruptly turn around to head the other way for whatever reason, i would keep walking forward and circle around a building or two so i didn't have to all of a sudden stop and do a 180 turnaround in front of people.

so many times, even till this day, i'll try to be using a public urinal but if someone walks in before i get started i quickly flush like i'm just finishing up, wash my hands and leave with out ever going...

when i pull up to my house and one of my neighbors gets home at the same time i pretend like i'm fiddling with stuff inside of my car but i'm really just stalling until they go inside first before i get out

i'm sure there are more but i just can't think of any. this was pretty fun actually :yay

this is just a random thought, but i remember my absolute worst anxiety stricken fearful moment in my school days was lunch on the first day of a new school year since there was absolutely no way to know who was going to be there. seems a lot of us would agree on that one haha


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## 1990

"When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom."



it makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one who has done that, my parents always like to have get togethers with adults, i would pretend to go to sleep at night in my room, when i had to pee, i just peed in the corner of my room on the rug, how f-ing emberassing, weird, unusual is that?

Also on Friday or Saturday nights, i would tell my parents that i was going to a friends house, when in reality i would just drive around town until i was amost out of gas, than i would come home and lie

I know these things i do is out of the ordinary, but pissing on the floor feels a lot safer than dare i say "mingling", i hate that word


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## Mike85

> Last year I used to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the gym because it was the only time I could go when no one was there and I was doing a lift I'm not familiar with/dont lift a lot on/look weak.


I tried that too going at around 4:30 A.M. Turns out all the old ladies had the same idea. They hogged the machines more than the meatheads did, and they did a lot more talking than repping/pedaling/etc. I found myself spending most of my time in the free weights which I didn't really need because I had plenty of those at home.


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## Melinda

When I walk through the most crowded part of campus, I try not to look directly at anybody and just get to my destination.

When I drive, my music can never be more than medium-loud, no matter where I am. And I always turn it down when I slow down. Same thing when I walk with my ipod...I am always worried people will hear my music through my headphones.


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## authorthedisaster

I got on the wrong school bus once and I was too shy to get up of my seat to tell the driver about it. They finally realize that I was on the wrong bus after and promise to drive me back home after he was done with every students. :|

I seriously don't know why I did absolutely nothing.


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## Iced Soul

I used to do a lot of things.
-I avoided going to the bathroom during school, so I wouldn't have to raise my hand and get up in class.
-I did not eat in the cafeteria ever, so I would wait to eat when I got home. So, I wouldn't eat anything between 8am-5pm. It didn't help that my stomach would growl in class, either.
-I walked home every single day, even if it was raining cats and dogs or as hot as heck. It also didn't matter that I had to walk almost three miles to get home, I didn't care. I wouldn't get on the bus for anything. I never got rides home unless someone was at home and that was almost never.
-I would finish work, but not turn it in if it meant walking in front of the class to hand it in.
-I got in trouble for not going to gym class because I didn't like changing in front of people or being in the gym running. Hated it and it didn't help that the gym teachers used to stare at us like mad.
-I almost failed 5th grade because I wouldn't present a book report each month in class.


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## Erw

Say no to a nights out even though in the back of my mind i'd love to go.
People have trouble understanding me because my voice gets ****ed up when i have anxiety.
Cant voice my opinion in class because i'm afraid of getting looked down on.
Look away whenever a girl looks me in the eyes.
Afraid to ask questions to the teacher if there is something i dont understand.
HAving difficulties concentrating in class.
Scared to death of group exercises in school especially if im in a group with some besserwisser bi-tch who think they own the world!
If I see someone I know from a long distance I usually hope he hasnt seen me and just walk with my head and eyes towards the ground pretending i didnt see the person.
afraid to go jobsearching but since im only 15 its not a big of a problem yet.
scared to death over presentations in class (individual ones)
and much more i cant remember right now


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## Lewis's~Princess18

authorthedisaster said:


> I got on the wrong school bus once and I was too shy to get up of my seat to tell the driver about it. They finally realize that I was on the wrong bus after and promise to drive me back home after he was done with every students. :|
> 
> I seriously don't know why I did absolutely nothing.


I did the same thing once, I was getting on the bus going to school and went on a private school bus...I sat on that bus (knowing it was the wrong one as soon as I sat down) and sat there as the bus drove to another city 30 minutes away!!! thank goodness the driver realized that I was on the bus and drove me to my school after dropping the kids off at their school!


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## Bredwh

I'm not sure if it was because of SA because I don't think I had it then but when I was little once I sat toward the back of my school bus and I guess the driver didn't know I was there and drove by the place I was supposed to be dropped off at. Instead of telling them I just sat there and I think cried. Didn't notce I was there until got back to school I think.


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## smithie

in 10th grade i never ventured outside my house if i wasn't at school. i hated being at school. i hid in the bathrooms during lunch. i was so self conscious that it made me anorexic for months, and once people noticed that i lost 20 pounds they were nice to me and invited me to parties. it made me hate people even more.

now in college i constantly feel like everyone's judging me. i misinterpret people's facebook statuses a lot and it makes me even more fearful. and i don't even know what i'm so frightened of.


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## Wirt

today i was at the computer lab, thought i finished some work and left but i forgot to do something..so instead of turning around and going back to where i was i went back in in a really round-about way in the other side and sat at the complete opposite side of the lab. 

dumb...


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## VCL XI

Talking about school buses; after school I'd wait for the bus that picked up kids an entire period after I got out, because the one before it was slightly more crowded.


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## Chris1990

In school if I was the first in class I would leave and go to my locker and pretend that I was looking for a paper so the teacher wouldn't try to talk to me.

I play xbox every day and when someone tries to talk to my on live I leave the mach.

When I get nervous I bite the inside of my lip until it bleeds and swells up

I skipped school so I didn't have to to a presentation.

No one and I repeat NO ONE is allowed to look at my Zune because a I am petrified if the response I might get.


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## joe43

stuggle with eye contact


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## Freedom2010

The bus used to drop us off really early for school (like 15 minutes before class started), and after I got all my books for my first class, I would sit in the bathroom untill class started. Most people would be out in the hallway talking to thier friends, and the classroom would be empty. Since I had no one to talk to and nowhere to go, I would just sit in the bathroom untill it was time to go to class. 

Thankfully, our bus drops us off later this year


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## proudmummy

I'm currently sat on my bedroom floor with my laptop so people can't see me through the window (i have no nets!)


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## chrisb3428

I forgot to add to my list, whenever I leave a bathroom I always have to check my feet to make sure no toilet paper is stuck to them.


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## Iced Soul

chrisb3428 said:


> I forgot to add to my list, whenever I leave a bathroom I always have to check my feet to make sure no toilet paper is stuck to them.


I used to do that sometimes. The reason was because my sister walked out of the bathroom once with one of those seat covers sticking out of her pants and everyone was staring, pointing, and laughing until I told her, so I would look behind me and at my shoe to make sure nothing was there.


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## Bouffon

- At college I take the loneliest (longest) possible way to evade people.
- I can't poo in public bathrooms, I'm afraid of farting then coming out and being looked like with disgust. (sorry for the gross factor)
- If I am walking to some classroom and take the wrong route I'll keep walking until I find a bathroom or an empty classroom, go in, then walk back all the way to the right place. All of this for not having to turn around and look like an idiot.
- I look around for people whenever I want to go check the mailbox. Sometimes I go at 1 or 2 AM.
- If I'm listening to loud music in my car, whenever I stop at a stop sign or a traffic light I'll lower the volume or pull up the windows.
- Whenever I go to a store at night and there are not many people around employees look at me when crossing aisles so I feel pressured to buy my stuff as fast as I can. 
- During class breaks I'll put my headphones on and pretend I am listening to some music so people won't talk to me.
- I can't eat with my family, I always wait for them to finish their meals before I can go in the kitchen and prepare my own stuff. I hate being looked at when eating, I feel as if they were judging the way I chew, my food portions, my food combination, etc.
- If my parents invite over someone I don't know I'll stay in my room until the person is gone.
- Sometimes I'll nod when meeting someone instead of formally greeting the person with a handshake or exchanging words.
- I've failed courses in which speeches are mandatory.
- When going somewhere, if I see someone I know from afar I'll change my route so the person doesn't see me.- I talk to my banana and lemon trees, and my cat.

Those are the only ones I can think off at the moment.


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## kkluv20

yup yup and yup haha


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## Canadian Brotha

I've gotten off the bus/train & walked many times because I felt overwhelmed


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## Smile_Karina

Well today is an example.
I was out getting applications from different stores and there was this place which I thought was a clothing store. I opened the door and walked in but instead it was a hair saloon. I didn't want to look like an idiot by walking in and walking out so quickly so I went to the hair products they had on display and pretended to shop, and as I was doing that I was getting so nervous because I kept wondering if they can tell I'm just pretending. So to make it more realistic, I nervously kept on grabbing this shampoo and that hairspray and while I was doing that, I knocked over some of the products from the top shelf and when I tried to catch them, I knocked over the things on the second shelf to the floor as well. yeah that was pretty embarassing, should've left from the beginning.


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## macman

*random rant!*

when i was 12 and at my peak of avoiding school, id sneak into my mums room and turn off her alarm while she slept 5 mins before it went off, so hopefully her body clock wouldnt wake her up until later and she's just let me have the rest of the day off. Remembering sneaking back to my bed feeling so guilty and anxious, hoping she wouldnt wake for a couple of hours. And on the days she did wake up, id only skip school anyway.

I remember a few mornings before school where id try to make myself physically sick so i could try and get the day off! Was too wimpy to successfully do that though lol


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## Daxter

I remember sitting on the toilets at school without the need to take a dump... just to avoid walking/sitting all by myself where other people can see. Sad times...


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## tutliputli

Eating lunch in a toilet cubicle at work so I didn't have to eat in front of colleagues in the staffroom..


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## bezoomny

My smoking habit started a few months ago as an instant "out" in social situations. And now I'm addicted. Great.


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## Amalia

-I live in an apartment, before exiting my flat I'll listen if anybody is out in the staircase, if so I'll wait till they are gone, if I'm in hurry this is extremly anoying.


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## citizen_erased

Something that i did the other day:

I was in a fast food place (by myself) and had just been handed my order and was looking for somewhere to sit. I started approaching an empty spot and was about to sit down when i saw a guy sitting directly opposite. I saw him look at me and immediately just turned round and found another table.


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## valley_girl1919

I had this friend one time and she was a really sweet girl, very friendly. she would always ask me to go places with her and if it were only me and her then I would go but if it were with her other friends I would always make up some pathetic excuse explaining why I couldnt go. One time she begged me to go with her an several of her friends to hang out one night and when she asked I said "ok" with hesitation, but I felt like I had to go or she wouldnt like me no more, but as the time neared for us to hang out I started stressing and feeling like I was sick, so she would call and call and call and leave tons of messages. I felt so bad and scared i was gonna loose her as my friend, so at first I didnt answer but finally I did and i made up this whole big lie about how a long time friend of mine came into town and I went to go to eat with him but on our way to meet her we got pulled over by the cops and my so called "friend" got arrested that night but not me. I know that was wrong and I wish I wouldnt have lied to her. I always made up something though when she asked me to go see her friends/family. She has moved now an we havent talked in like a year.


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## jollybeans

This is embarassing but i peed on myself in middle school because i was to terrfied to raise my hand and ask the teacher to go to the bathroom, ha i made it worst on myself because after that the whole class laughed and didnt sit with me at lunch they all moved to one side of the table.this burns in my memory till this day.i was always a bit weird


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## Ov3rcome

I used to always talk with my hands in front of my mouth or my face. And if someone would ever like call my name, I'd always jump in fear because I was so afraid to talk to someone.


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## swiv2D

I'd go for long walks during break at college or pretend that I was studying so I could use the private rooms. At one point I would avoid an apprenticeship I was doing by taking the bus all over the place for 5-6 hours then come home and pretend to of been there.
Avoid going to break at an old job cause the guys use to be horrible to me at first hide under an oven in a bakery now and again to avoid them also because to avoid extra work now and again.


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## laura024

I skipped gym class a few times and stayed in a bathroom stall instead. I've skipped math once also.

I pretend like I'm cold, tired, or moving my hair out of my eyes so that if I twitch, people think it's because of that.

When I had my Zune, I'd turn the music down so low I could barely hear it in fear of others hearing my music.


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## solitarymonkey

i recently stood at my bedroom door of my shared house for 10minutes, just waiting to stop hearing the foot steps of my "friend's" (he used to be a good friend, till he became too self interested and forgot about me) cousin stopped walking around in the hall. i NEEDED to get out the house so badly i was nearly in tears, and had to hide in the bathroom to do the same waiting game as the bathroom is half way between my room and the front door. sadly, i didnt choose my moment right, and got "cought" halfway between the bathroom and the front door :'( i smoked probably 3 cigarettes in my walk to my not-quite-but-if-the-situation-was-different-would-be-my-girlfriend's house, which is only 1 cigarette's distance away. when i got to her's, i cried. and was in a shaken mess. crazy.
oh, and i've also developed my walk to near silence!! just naturally, my walking is so quiet, that without trying, i can walk up to people at home/work/in the street etc, and scare the crap out of them!! cant help it, it's just how i walk now. lol.
if my memory was better, i'm sure i could think of some more (though one time (i say one.lol.) i did poke various things in the gap between my bedroom door and the door frame to stop the light from my tv shining through to alert my prescence in the dark hallway. while drinking bottles of beer that i stashed in my room :s
damn...


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## solitarymonkey

it's way too early in my life to put it down to SA (or can i?), but reading the first page of posts brought back a memory of pre-school.
there was a tree in the garden at the place i went preschool, and the look of the coridoor to the toilet, not to mention being in the toilet and the carer type people being there, was just too scary, so i climbed the tree, and did my business in my underwear. parents were not amused.
i too have also done the urinating in a bottle thing, too. mostly since moving out into my friends dad's house that a few of us share. nearly considered the other toilet experience, but couldnt bring myself too it, that's just too much. lol. so i held it in (painfully) and tried to sleep till everyone in the house was asleep. hope i never get that bad again


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## mind_games

:lol I found your description of the length of your journey in terms of cigarettes you smoked hilarious, and the stealth thing.

Hmm the only thing I can think of right now is that I went through 4 years of uni and I never visited the university bar (thats pretty much unheard of over here). I didn't even now which staircase to take to get to it. I finally went last week though, by myself, for a shot of jagermeister after lunch. I can't get enough of that stuff .


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## Globe_Trekker

Just the other day, I skipped class (at uni) because my stomach was growling, because I hadn't eaten all day, and I was afraid it would draw attention to me in class if my stomach was making all these weird noises.


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## solitarymonkey

you could almost compare me to solid snake from the metal gear games. just without the camo suit n funky cool gadgets. smoking, sneaking, eating rations i'd stashed away. lol


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## MaidMarian

oversad said:


> Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


Same here. I'm over 40, but inside I still feel like an insecure teenager


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## bbarn

when i was in university and if i was early for a class i would go to the washroom and stall because i didn't want to make small talk. If i saw someone i knew randomly i would try not to notice them or just plainly run and hide somewhere. If i'm with friends or family i basically stand behind them instead of beside them, it's some weird quality that i've used through my life but that doesn't necessarily get me out of the spotlight because i'm among one of the taller people around my peers lol. In high school i was so afraid to go and eat at the cafeteria that i went home for lunch everyday.


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## nothing to fear

this was posted on this weeks postsecret:









http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/02/new-postsecret-book.html

just reminded me of what a lot have posted about in this thread


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## lucyinthesky

Roberto said:


> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


I do exactly the same thing


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## Phobiker

@solitarymonkey: Your story reminds me of sitting in my room for hours though I needed to take a piss so bad 'cause my parents had a visit I didn't knew or didn't want to say hello to.


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## jaglionette

In middle school we watched a movie and when it got to the kissing scene I felt myself begin to do one of those full-body blushes. I ran to the bathroom and pretended I was sick to my stomach and promptly went home.

I walked home at lunchtime every day.

I was so embarrassed that rumers were flying about me and my boyfriend that I stopped associating with him. This happened twice (with different people).

I used to scratch at my face until it bled, then make up a lame story about how I fell.

I never changed in the locker room. Ever.


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## NegativeCreep23

When I played basketball, I was so nervous whenever I played that I would intentionally strike out the first time I played, and after that sneak out when no one was looking. (I was forced to do it)

When my parents had some people over I would hide in the basement and pray to God that I wouldn't need to see them.

Thats all i can think of on hand but there are so much more. I must have blocked them from my memory or something.


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## Hellosunshine

To avoid family members. I had my mom lie and say I was in new york but actually hid in the dark in my room for hours. 

I cross the street or powerwalk to avoid people I know.


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## solasum

Instead of normal people who skip classes because they're hungover or lazy, I strategically miss to avoid being assigned a homework presentation.


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## kenny87

but then wouldn't you fail that assignment, and maybe fail the course and then have to deal with it all over again? I guess I am lucky that these community colleges don't do much outside of normal assignments and test, I wouldn't know what to do if I had to regularly talk in front of a class.


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## clover4

All these examples seem so morbid. Let me throw a positive one into the works. Perhaps it might awaken people's awareness to positive events they're experienced and not realised the SAD created them.

I'm economically minded, a student and an aspiring entrepreneur. PROBLEM- entrepreneurs deal with people, who else could I sell to? Way to anxiety causing! I tried being a barman once, didn't work though. That was when I tried to force the anxiety out of me. So what I did was take people out of the equation. I buy products online at eBay and sell them online where I live, in South Africa, for a profit. The only problem anxiety times I had was fetching and sending from the post office. There's a nice word for this kind of manner to make money, I'm an arbitrage!


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## homesick

does almost causing a fire counts as a "weird" thing to do because of SA? yeah, i guess so. :no

i once put something in the oven and then went to my room. i was supposed to turn the oven off 20 minutes later, but then i heard my sister getting into the house with a friend.
i sat in my room for about an hour and a half until my sister (she's 15) knocked on my door and asked if i put something in the oven. i just pretended (in a very lame way) to be surprised and she turned it off. 

the really sad thing is that right now she's in the house with another friend (she's the most social thing) and i can't get out to pee. -sigh-


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## CopadoMexicano

I had to avoid the restrooms at university so I took a leak in my car.


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## goodthing

This is a great thread. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who does stupid things because of SA. So, although I have plenty, here's two:

1) In high school, I got a note to go down to a "special awards ceremony" for the top 20 in our class. Well, I called around and none of my friends had gotten the invite, so I wasn't gonna go because I didn't want to be alone. Then, the stupid ceremony people called my class to get me to come! So when I went down I was really late and walked in right during someone's speech and everyone looked at me. So I ended up bringing _more_ attention to myself than I would have if I just went to the damn thing in the first place.

2) In college one Friday night, all my (very few) friends were gone, and I had nothing to do, so I was gonna hang out in my dorm. Turns out, both my roomates had their boyfriends over, so I left, got into my car like I had something to do, and drove around town for three freaking hours.

I hate SA.


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## alipaige

wow, where do I start?

elementary/middle school -
I joined the varsity basketball team in 8th grade and almost quit because everyone on the team was really close and I was the only one who was completely ostracized, I was humiliated. Before practice everyone would sit on the bottom of the bleachers and socialize and I would just sit at the very top away from everyone else and keep to myself. Everyone hated me and thought I was such a weirdo. We had an awards ceremony where I was suppose to show up, I wasn't there to accept my award..

I used to have panic attacks A LOT in elementary and middle school for silly irrational reasons. Often times I hid in the bathroom and cried my eyes out, and ended up having to go home. A lot of times I ended up crying in class so much, people got used to it and stopped asking me what was wrong. My parents would get mad at me because I had such a hard time making friends, no one would associate with me, and I refused to associate with them. 

I skipped every single field trip.

High school -
I didn't have any friends in most of my classes, and I dreaded those times the teachers asked us to "get into groups" or "pick a partner". Usually I was partnered up with the only other person in the class who didn't have a partner, and for groups of course I was the last to get picked.

I joined the JV soccer team, and was once again ostracized from the rest of the team. One girl had a sleepover at the end of the season and invited everyone from the team out to the movies then her house. Everyone seemed to know about it before me...and her MOM casually brought it up to me at a game (pity invite). I knew I probably wasn't wanted so I didn't go.

The first month of Freshman year I didn't have any friends so during lunch time, I sat by myself at some random place on campus, chilled in the bathroom, or walked around with my backpack, pretending I was headed somewhere.

There's more too... :no


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## Laika

I've loved reading all of the responses on here and I can relate to so many of them. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who does all these crazy things. These are just a few of mine.

-Whenever I'm meeting my friends somewhere and I'm the first to arrive, instead of just going in to the place, I wait in my car unitl they show up

-If I oversleep and am late for school, I won't go into school in the middle of a class. Instead, I wait at home for that class to be over and time it so that I can get to school whenever the next class is starting, so I don't have to walk into class late in front of everyone.

-At stores I get so nervous when I go to leave and have to walk through those security detectors, because I'm so afraid that one may accidentally go off and everyone in the store will notice me

-I'm struggling in my math class and my teacher offers one-on-one tutoring after school, but the idea of sitting there alone with her terrifies the hell out of me. What's worse is that she thinks I'm a lazy slacker who doesn't care about the class, but in reality, I'm having a hard time understanding the material, and I'm too afraid to ask for help.

-When I'm in class and have to pee, even if it gets painful, I'll hold it until lunch in order to avoid getting up in front of the class and drawing attention to myself.

-Sometimes I'll drive to a store, park my car, then get too afraid to go in and go home without getting what I needed

-If someone knocks on the front door who I don't know and my mom isn't home to answer it, I very quietly lock the door (if it isn't already) then go into my room and hide. Even if it's something important like a delivery that requires a signature, I refuse to answer it and I just let my mom deal with it when she gets home.


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## gopherinferno

travo said:


> I put most of the students around me on pedastals. Not that they were better, just that they were like celebrities because all I was doing was watching them. So it made me even more reluctant to ever talk to them, and freaked out if suddenly our worlds collided.


OMG! That's exactly how I felt/feel! I see them as characters that I can watch but I can't participate in the performance. Wow.


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## onelife

1990 said:


> I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom."
> 
> it makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one who has done that, my parents always like to have get togethers with adults, i would pretend to go to sleep at night in my room, when i had to pee, i just peed in the corner of my room on the rug, how f-ing emberassing, weird, unusual is that?


wow and i thought i was the only person who did that


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## numero1

High school:
I would eat lunch outside by myself. Then I would walked the halls and pretend to be texting when really i was just looking through my phone book which had 2 contacts...my parents. I would also sit by my locker and do my homework 2 weeks in advance so that I could have time on the weekend to stay home for the most part and play basketball. I also bought myself really expensive noise-cancelling headphones and u could imagine that I would wear them as much as i could to avoid talking to people, not that I had people to talk to. During assemblies in the auditorium, especially during my senior year i would take an empty row and sit in the edge-most seat and just not talk to anyone, while everyone else was busy chatting with each other. I would stay in the bathrooms as long as possible. We were not allowed off campus until we were seniors, so when I got to that period, I would just walk off campus and walk around the adjacent block so that people in the yard wouldn't see me walking by myself. Whats hard to believe is that I was on the varsity basketball team and everyone on it was known by everyone else in the school.

College:
I remember this one incident my first day of college. I bought a textbook and sat down alone amidst tons of groups and slowly they all dispersed by the end of the day ( I spent 5 hours sitting there just flipping the pages to pretend I was reading it). Some guy came down and sat down next to me, but not for the purpose of talking to me, he was eating lunch. It was just me and him on the bench with about 10 feet between us. Then two girls were walking by and decided to say hi to both of us and meet us, but when they said 'hey guys' I didn't look up and pretended I didn't even hear them.
I would spend a lot of time in the computer lab just browsing the internet. I also tended to open my cellphone up and dial voicemail just to pretend I'm talking on the phone. Same with texting. I still take up the corner seats in my classrooms and while people around me are talking and meeting each other amongst my, I have my earphones in my ears and just listening to music and mouthing the words.
It seems as if all of the freshmen in my classes are already well off in terms of friends, that they talk and walk the halls with them. I usually see them going to eat lunch together. I am still sitting in class alone..sort of. As soon as closes are over, my earphones go into my ears and i'm alone in my world.

When I play basketball I am afraid to ask someone if they have enough people on their team and if I could run with them, so instead I usually wait til they ask me to play with them.

Whenever I asked for phone numbers, even if its from males(i'm straight), they ask me what I need it for. What kind of question is that? So as time went on, I was weirded out by asking for phone numbers and was scared of rejection and that question.


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## numero1

heres another thing i just remembered. we had intramural sports at my high school and i would end up watching the games not only sitting by myself but i would also sit on the set of bleachers away from everyone else so i was really alone


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## numero1

TheWinnerTakesItAll said:


> - I never answer my mobile phone, I just hold it and stare at it while it rings and I never call back. I must be a ****ty friend.


I stare at my phone hoping someone will call me, but it never comes. I recently came off of spring break and the only received and placed calls during the break were from/to my parents.


----------



## numero1

Also, when I go into a store and don't end up buying anything, I feel weird walking out empty-handed.


----------



## nothing to fear

sometimes when i imagine suddenly something bad happening to me in public, like getting sick or robbed or some other emergency, part of my fear is that i would have to tell someone about it. i was thinking of this when in the cafeteria at the library of the university where i volunteer and i started to choke on the pasta briefly, and it freaked me out that if i did honestly choke attention would be on me and i would have to get someone to do the Heimlich maneuver, hahaha. what a stupid thing to worry about.


----------



## Metallic

ohpewp said:


> OMG! That's exactly how I felt/feel! I see them as characters that I can watch but I can't participate in the performance. Wow.


I did that too! It was so weird cause I'd admire them and just analyze their character so much because I wanted to be like them so badly. They probably had no idea who I was.


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## jenlamp

I have plenty of those stories. I almost peed my pants yesterday because I was too scared to come out of my cubicle to use the restroom because I didn' want to run into a coworker and have to make small talk. I've worked with my coworkers for 2 years and am still afraid of small talk with them.


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## solitarymonkey

Laika said:


> -At stores I get so nervous when I go to leave and have to walk through those security detectors, because I'm so afraid that one may accidentally go off and everyone in the store will notice me


i HATE those things with a passion!!! one did go off when i went through once, too >.< luckily it was just before my SA started to grow (probably always suffered from SA, but it's grown worse, very quickly over the years), and i also did work experience there, about a year before the "incident", so when i turned round to look at the guy's that work there, they just said it'd be fine to just go. which was godd!! phew. lol


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## southward

Oh wow, I never realized how well I was doing in comparison to some of you. Unfortunatly the rules at my high school were so strict that it made it impossible to just "disapear" for awhile. And the parking lot was monitored so I couldn't drive off. But I was sure known as the weirdo. I think people were afraid of me. In 5th grade I would fake sick, like all the time. I think everyone knew I was faking, but I was able to leave school anyway. 

Sometimes I drive 30 miles to go shopping in another town, when I really don't want to see anyone I know. Sometimes I will drive to a store, then not go in because I am too scared.

I've also been known to make up stories, like pretending I was at a party friday night...stuff like that. That's not really from SA though, that's just because of my lack of a life.


----------



## acceptance

When I'm at the supermarket, the first thing I do is scan the cashiers to find the quiet and least talkative ones. Then when I'm ready to check out I'll go to that cashier even if the line is longer. I also have about 7 or 8 corner stores I go to so there will be a long period of time before I go back to the same one. That way they won't think I'm a regular and less likely to want to make small talk.


----------



## Ben S

Constantly looking in the mirror and answering the questions in my head.....
:um


----------



## Cheeky

I wasted a good hour at work trying to figure out how to do something on a software program - instead of asking the lady right beside me - who's an expert at it :um


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## tccctt

i am the new chinese.
i quit car-driving-training,cause i can't bear my hand-sweat found on the steering wheel by coach or student....


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## VIncymon

Sounds similar. Sometimes I go at lengths to get isolation too.
Its relievign to read these. It reminds me of so many of the clumsy things I did at school.

Yea sometimes I walked home just to avoid the school bus. If my parents asked i''d say "yea i walked home with a couple of friends"

What's changed in college.

Well let's see... between classes I opt to sit on an isolated step to study / eat instead of sitting in a group of friends.

Yep, life is great,


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## solitarymonkey

here's one i remembered that i realised a week or 2 ago. and it is a weird one.
when i'm approaching a zebra crossing, or any other pedestrian crossing that i want to cross over (i dont drive, so i walk everywhere), if i see that a car is coming from one direction or other, i'll generally slow down so they "beat" me to the junction and can keep on driving, or if it's going to be a close call, i'll pull my phone out and pretend i'm distracted with a text message, in the hope that they will notice this, and keep on driving. i hate having to make cars stop driving just because i want to cross the road.


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## Cheeky

solitarymonkey said:


> here's one i remembered that i realised a week or 2 ago. and it is a weird one.
> when i'm approaching a zebra crossing, or any other pedestrian crossing that i want to cross over (i dont drive, so i walk everywhere), if i see that a car is coming from one direction or other, i'll generally slow down so they "beat" me to the junction and can keep on driving, or if it's going to be a close call, i'll pull my phone out and pretend i'm distracted with a text message, in the hope that they will notice this, and keep on driving. i hate having to make cars stop driving just because i want to cross the road.


 People stop at crosswalks there???!? That's a luxury not to be taken for granted my dear :}


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## Reddle

This is my first post here... Anyway, I'm glad that my behavior is not that unusual!

I would avoid going to my first period class whenever I knew I was going to be late. The teacher would make you write your name on the board if you were late so he could modify the attendance sheet accordingly... For some reason, I thought that was so embarrassing, especially how everyone had to look up from what they were doing whenever you walked into the room. And then the awkwardness of trying to shuffle over to your seat, and brusing past everyone who as already seated. I would just hang out in the bathroom and wait for the period to be over. :x

I also have a slight problem with being in a pubic bathroom with like, a million other girls. They're always so loud, and feel the need to hog the mirror, which blocks access to the sink.  Sadly, I just stand in one of the bathroom stalls until the other girls are gone.


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## Dreamer'sHideaway

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


I did that in a garbage can once this year lol. Never told anyone about it until now.

Also, a few years back when SA was just starting, I went to this small private high school (I ended up breaking down and dropping out) and when my one friend went to have clarinet practise during lunch, I would go to the bathroom and stay in a stall to eat my lunch. One day my friend came to the same bathroom (there were only 2 areas for bathrooms in the entire school. This is why larger schools are better - you can hide easier lol) and recognized my shoes under the stall. Then I had to make up a lie and say I was in there because I wasn't feeling well, and so I ended up going home and missing the rest of the day, lol to prove that I didn't feel well.


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## isobelle

notsosocialsara said:


> I won a writing award in 10th grade. Nothing super special, just a school contest. There was supposed to be an awards ceremony in our school library. All the parents would also be there. I couldn't even step foot in the library because I didn't want to go in alone so I sat out front waiting for my parents. Over an hour went by, I knew my parents were probaby already inside but I was too scared to go in, so I hung out until I ran into someone else who had been at the ceremony. My parents were livid with me. They didn't understand why I wasn't there. The next day in my English class, my teacher even yelled at me and said it was a big deal that I wasn't there and that my poor parents had to stand up and accept the award, but I just couldn't say anything to him.


this almost made me cry. i'm so sorry that this happened to you. it's terrible that they turned what was supposed to be an honor for you into a negative experience. i wish people could understand how difficult SA is to deal with.


----------



## wtf?

If I hear a prank phone call on the radio I usually change the station. It's almost like I become the person being pranked and become embarrassed/anxious for them.


----------



## citizenjane

bronco028 said:


> In 10th grade I was to scared to ask for a ride home or ride the bus so I walked 5 miles in 110 degree heat until someone I knew finally picked me up.
> 
> In 11th grade I didn't want a ride home with a peer from a game (my mother didn't have time to pick me up and told me to get a ride) so I lied that a friend died so she would come get me. I even fake cried and the whole bit. (Yeah she knows the truth now).
> 
> I was dropped off by my parents to go to a football game but I was by myself (no friends) and hid behind the high school until the game was over and pretended I went to my "friends"...I made up a huge story about the people I sat with and the score and everything. (this happened a couple of times for different events)
> 
> I would lie that I went to lunch with a friend when I actually came home to eat and be by myself. With the lunch thing>>I also ate lunch in the bathroom in 9th grade (I risked the germs instead of sitting alone).
> 
> Yeah I know that is freaking strange. I don't lie or do stuff like that anymore luckily.
> 
> What is everyone else's stupid behaviors because of SA?


Haha! Some of this reminds me of myself.
I used to be overwhelmingly paranoid about my appearance when i was a teenager.
I sometimes played sick to stay home from school if I had a pimple in a particularly noticeable spot.
I once hid in my house for a week because I had a cold sore (although in my defense, the cold sore was awful. It was the worst one I've ever seen. On *anyone*. My picking at it made it spread until it practically covered half my face. Fortunately, subsequent ones haven't been nearly that bad).


----------



## acceptance

If I'm in a public washroom in one of the stalls, I'll wait till the bathroom is empty before I come out. I've waited over 10 minutes before. I won't go in unless the bathroom is empty either.


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## faith1416

iM GLAD TO KNOW SOMEONE ELSE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET AROUND FEELING ANXIOUS


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## tribute311

numero1 said:


> High school:
> 
> When I play basketball I am afraid to ask someone if they have enough people on their team and if I could run with them, so instead I usually wait til they ask me to play with them.
> 
> Whenever I asked for phone numbers, even if its from males(i'm straight), they ask me what I need it for. What kind of question is that? So as time went on, I was weirded out by asking for phone numbers and was scared of rejection and that question.


I do the same thing when playing pick up basketball. I'll just shoot around by myself until someone asks me to be on their team. its so hard for me to ask others to form a team.

and about asking what you need theri number for: thats messed up! sorry about that.


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## ribbit

A few things that just popped into my head reading some of these and other threads.

1. It appears SA sufferers like me tend to over-think things to the point that it is mental suffocation and we'd rather hide and feel pathetic and beat our selves up over not participating in social events than to face our fear of humiliation by going head first into scary social situations. Unfortunately the "cure" for SA is building confidence by attending social situations and finding out we thrive if only we can stop our minds from over-analyzing everything. We tend to try too hard to make everyone like us in every situation rather than being in touch with our true feelings and impulses. It sucks to always have a police-man in your mind telling you what to do and what not to do and why you are a failure and to stop doing this, or stop thinking that...it gets ****ing exausting. What I've found is that there is a rock bottom point where you either decide you are going to suffer from SA the rest of your life and avoid social/life experiences that are necessary for positive mental and social health or rise above the fear and just jump into anything and everything that makes you feel anxious head first and without judgement. Everyone makes mistakes, and at first it is very hard to rise above those axious moments because you've been building this negative idea of yourself by avoiding situations you were telling yourself that you weren't good enough or that you couldn't cope with what you were faced with. I know that makes me feel ashamed sometimes when I avoid something and then regret it. I beat myself up for it sometimes. Lately though I've just said F' it and I just do the the thing that makes me anxious and I stay calm and collected. Don't over think it, basically turn that voice off in your head that tells you that you aren't good enough and really focus outwardly rather than inwardly at what you might be doing wrong in every given situation. I really try to focus on being IN the moment and let myself get lost in what is happening around me by focusing on every detail of what I'm seeing and doing rather than let my mind take ahold of me by analyzing what i'm doing. I dunno if that makes sense or not...i'm sure some of you will get what I'm saying...just so you know, you ARE capable and perfectly "normal". Our problem is irrational fear that our minds blow out of proportion. Once you realize you have all the skills that everyone else has, and all it takes is for you to be calm and confident to flourish your life will be so much nicer...it takes alot of time and an EVERY DAY commitment. You don't want to slide back into your old habits once you begin facing your fears. But on the other hand if you do start to slide back don't feel doomed...just regroup and start again and every time you try to climb that proverbial hill of defeating your negative mind you will get better and better at it and it will get easier and easier...I PROMISE. I know first hand. I'm no different than you are...you just have to really dig deep and realize you have a right to be happy, a right to live YOUR life, a right to be who you are...act how you want, say what you want. All those things. It just takes some time getting through that barrier that you've been re-inforcing your whole life. It does require change though, you can't change if you don't do anything and by avoiding situations you are not taking part in your life. I know you know this, and I know you feel all kinds of bad feelings for avoiding social situations. It feels like prison but there is relief. It takes practice and it's hard work...it's not impossible though and you do have it in you. I dunno...that is my advice so far on my battle with SA...I'm making huge strides though, feeling alot better these days just by tackling things head on and shrugging off my perceived failures and just pressing on.


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## DAV3

- When I was in 11th grade I was scared to drive up to this specialty school I went to during the day. So I hid in the parking lot for an hour until my buddy got out of some band thing and was able to take me up to the specialty school.

- When I was part of this internship, I had to work on computers in various classrooms on my primary school's campus. I was too scared to let the teacher's know what I was doing so I just walked in and started working on the computers. One of the teachers saw me do this and freaked the **** out on me, thinking I was some sort of child predator or something.

- In high school I bragged to these druggie kids about how I had smoked pot before to be cool. One day they stopped me when I was walking home from school and passed the joint to me. I put it in my mouth, and at the last second pretended to take a puff and pretended to pass out (my head even snapped this thick stick which really sold the whole thing). I had never actually done drugs at the time and was terrified of what it would do to me. So I freaked out and used cheesy theatrics instead of admitting that I had lied.

- When I was twelve I was supposed to work at this food pantry for some school community service project. When I got dropped off at the pantry I walked in and the people just looked at me. I got anxious, walked out, saw that my ride was gone and proceeded to walk down the street until a cop picked me up and took me home.


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## citizen_erased

- I sometimes end up staying online til gone midnight just browsing forums and stuff when everyone else in the house has gone to bed and i get paranoid that my mouse is too noisy when i use the wheel on it and that it will disturb someone, so i use the bar at the side of the page to scroll up and down instead.

- I can just about manage to eat at work (i only mean little snacks like a pack of sweets or crisps, i get hungry!) but i'm quite secretive about it - i pick my times very carefully and try to eat very quietly so that no-one notices, which enivitably means i eat slower, which in turn makes me pray no-one's noticed i take 40 mins to eat a bag of crisps ops

- If i'm watching tv with someone i always let them choose what we watch (unless i know it's a show they like/want to watch too) and if they ask me to pick something i'll just tell them i don't mind, in case they think what i watch is stupid or boring or something. This is why i usually prefer watching tv on my own in my room. But even then if i see/hear someone coming in or outside my door i'll quickly change the channel or mute the volume so they don't know what i'm watching.


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## MissMaisy

My dorm room is across the hall from the bathroom, I will look out the peephole to see if the light is on, sometimes if it is, I won't go to the bathroom, I will wait until the light is off to used the bathroom or shower.


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## rawrguy

- I fiddle with my hair over and over
- I walk back and forth (when nobody's looking) daydreaming about a life without SA


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## citizenjane

1990 said:


> "When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom."
> 
> it makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one who has done that, my parents always like to have get togethers with adults, i would pretend to go to sleep at night in my room, when i had to pee, i just peed in the corner of my room on the rug, how f-ing emberassing, weird, unusual is that?
> 
> Also on Friday or Saturday nights, i would tell my parents that i was going to a friends house, when in reality i would just drive around town until i was amost out of gas, than i would come home and lie
> 
> I know these things i do is out of the ordinary, but pissing on the floor feels a lot safer than dare i say "mingling", i hate that word


In my mid-teens, I was sent to live with distant relatives (not even blood relations) who I scarcely knew because I wasn't getting along with my family.
The relatives were nice enough, but I was very nervous and uncomfortable around them. They were strangers who knew far too much about me.

I was fortunate that, instead of making me live in their house, they allowed me to live in an out-building they had in their backyard. So it was sort of like having my own place. It was just one room, with a futon, a television, a mini-fridge, and a sink... but no toilet.
I had to go into their house to shower or use the bathroom.

At night, to avoid having to go into their house repeatedly, I took to peeing in a cup and pouring it down the sink, and then rinsing the cup out.

I felt terribly guilty about this and generally just terrified that somebody would find out.
In retrospect, it's kind of funny. Kids worry about the silliest things. :b
If they had found out, they probably wouldn't have even cared.


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## Hippo

Restless Mind said:


> Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.


I've done that too


----------



## Hippo

citizenjane said:


> I once hid in my house for a week because I had a cold sore


Me too


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## ThisGuyRightHere

at work our bathroom has automatic lights where when you walk in the lights turn on. motion sensitive. then they turn off after a couple minutes of inactivity. i'll usually only go in there if the lights are off. which means no one is in there. you can see from under the door if the lights are on or not.


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## hiimnotcool

This thread is amazing.

I think I knew I had SA when I was 10. I was in the 5th grade and going to a school that had put me into a 'Speech' class. I went there for a week and then it was my turn to do a speech. That afternoon I went home and asked my mom to let me transfer schools (30 minute bud ride away) because I didn't want to go anymore. I would also leave the previous school every day for lunch and ride my bike home to eat, then go back. I can't even fathom how I was able to deal with this at such a young age.

Junior High came and it was terrible. Everytime I would be called on to answer a question I would say 'I don't know' even if it was a matter of opinion. Would skip class on days there were presentations. I knew someone who had a certain class earlier in the day than me and would give him my bag of doritos for him to tell me answers to any 'oral questions' that the teacher asked in case he asked me. But even if he asked me I would still say 'I don't know' lol. Lost alot of doritos.

High School was the same. Was a really good student and did all my work but when it came to oral book reports I would always say 'I didn't do it' when it was my turn to present. I'm sure that boggled all my teachers. I'd also go to the library during lunch like everyone else here. One certain class wanted me to get up and talk so I literally never went back and went to the library during that period. I didn't even tell a counselor or anyone that I quit the class. Wasn't until they noticed I'd been marked 'absent' from that class everyday but none of the others that they wanted to see me about it. They eventually just switched me to a different class.


Followed me to my army days. Got discharged. Now I'm living everyday with it. I hide alot in my own house if people come over that I don't know. Sometimes even people I do know.


It's kind of comforting knowing I'm not the only one who did/does all of these things that could be considered 'weird'. I guess I don't really see it as 'weird' but more as a byproduct of our deep feelings.


----------



## citizenjane

hiimnotcool said:


> This thread is amazing.
> 
> I think I knew I had SA when I was 10. I was in the 5th grade and going to a school that had put me into a 'Speech' class. I went there for a week and then it was my turn to do a speech. That afternoon I went home and asked my mom to let me transfer schools (30 minute bud ride away) because I didn't want to go anymore. I would also leave the previous school every day for lunch and ride my bike home to eat, then go back. I can't even fathom how I was able to deal with this at such a young age.
> 
> Junior High came and it was terrible. Everytime I would be called on to answer a question I would say 'I don't know' even if it was a matter of opinion. Would skip class on days there were presentations. I knew someone who had a certain class earlier in the day than me and would give him my bag of doritos for him to tell me answers to any 'oral questions' that the teacher asked in case he asked me. But even if he asked me I would still say 'I don't know' lol. Lost alot of doritos.
> 
> High School was the same. Was a really good student and did all my work but when it came to oral book reports I would always say 'I didn't do it' when it was my turn to present. I'm sure that boggled all my teachers. I'd also go to the library during lunch like everyone else here. One certain class wanted me to get up and talk so I literally never went back and went to the library during that period. I didn't even tell a counselor or anyone that I quit the class. Wasn't until they noticed I'd been marked 'absent' from that class everyday but none of the others that they wanted to see me about it. They eventually just switched me to a different class.
> 
> Followed me to my army days. Got discharged. Now I'm living everyday with it. I hide alot in my own house if people come over that I don't know. Sometimes even people I do know.
> 
> It's kind of comforting knowing I'm not the only one who did/does all of these things that could be considered 'weird'. I guess I don't really see it as 'weird' but more as a byproduct of our deep feelings.


Are you getting any treatment or counseling? Does the army offer any services like that, or do they have no further responsibility to you, since they discharged you?


----------



## miminka

Yeah. I don't eat in the cafeteria at my school. I DON'T. I don't venture within 50 ft of that cafeteria. It's so bad, that once when I couldn't go to my Mom's work to eat lunch (a dismal Church basement- still better than the cafeteria) and no one could pick me up and bring me home for lunch, I walked around outside, in the pouring cold rain, with a red mug of Pomegranate Green Tea until lunch was over. And another time I huddled in the corner of the church parking lot, sitting on my coat and eating my pre-packed lunch. 

I don't like doing these things, but they're better than eating in the cafeteria. Besides, I really don't know who to sit with- there are a few people but I have this theory that they will give me this face: :sus and not talk to me.

Also, earlier in the semester I was interested in joining this flower arranging club. So basically once a week we would get together and arrange flowers and stuff. I was anticipating the meeting where we had to walk down to this room and meet the woman who arranged it. It was in a part of the school where I don't usually venture- and I call those parts of the school 'Unfamiliar Territory' I don't like to venture into unfamiliar territory because I get really anxious. So I went to this room, met the woman who talked a little about it, and four other girls that I knew from public school came to. They were nice to me but we really didn't talk. I just thought, "I can't go to this because these girls are there and I don't want to be around them". So that was the end of that. I just didn't go anymore. 

Oh, I'm telling you there have been countless other things. All I can say is whenever someone approaches me and says or does something to involve me in any way, shape or form, after it is over, I keep re-playing it in my mind- and write to my best friend Meghan. So in the middle of class I'll just be writing, 

'Dear Meghan,

Carson came over to me and asked me how my math work was going. He sat on the empty desk beside me, sending shock waves over to my desk because he's so fat. I sheepishly replies, "Fine" and he looked back over to his friend and scoffed..."

Anyone else would think that's trivial but I have pages and pages of little notes like that. Once I wrote about this girl in my business class bringing in a strong scented hand cream because she wanted to 1-Up me after I lent my teacher my hand cream. I just obsess over things like that.

Also, private ballet classes.


----------



## hiimnotcool

citizenjane said:


> Are you getting any treatment or counseling? Does the army offer any services like that, or do they have no further responsibility to you, since they discharged you?


No I'm not. I'm not entirely positive if they have any responsibility with me. I could call the V.A. and ask them if visits to a psychiatrist in the civilian world would be covered. I'd almost rather just go to a doctor on my own and explain what happened to me, my diagnosis, and all that to get on some type of medication. The doctors in the military wanted to put me on meds but I refused. But it has gone on long enough and it seems like the best route.


----------



## Aurora

I would never use the toilets at high school either. Id never eat at high school too. My stomach used to grumble and make weird noises in the quiet classrooms like during an exam. It was so embarrassing. Some people would laugh.

When I lived at my ex boyfriends, it was just him and I, but it was his fathers house, sometimes his father would come over to 'do stuff around the house', my ex would go out clubbing and partying all the time, Id stay home.. once I spent a whole weekend alone in the bedroom not making a noise just incase my exs dad thought I was home.. but then I didnt really think about whether he could smell the smoke, jeez I smoked like a chimney that weekend, sitting on the bed, nervous as hell.

When I lived with my dad and stepmother (from hell) I would only go out to the kitchen once everyone was asleep to get my dinner.. (which they never cooked for me, I felt so outed from them evil people). My room was next to the laundry and I would do the 'peek from the door and see if stepbrothers are around' then run out the laundry door, I wouldnt use the front door.
I did use the shower once when I thought no one was home, I forgot my towel! so I ran out naked and straight into my stepmother (from hell). Major Embarrassment!!!


----------



## tree1609

from about 7 grade until 12 grade i would throw up in the ditch waiting for the school bus, the first week of school was always the worst. i would cry alot too.

sometimes i drive to the store or somewhere and just sit in my car cause i can't get out. sometimes i'll just drive home again, or sometimes i'll wait till i see someone else walking into the store then ill get out and walk in so im not walking in alone that way i can sneak in and people wont stare at me.


----------



## Cerrada

In class I'm too afraid to get up and go to the bathroom because that would make everyone stare at me. I just end up holding it.

Sometimes I would just sit in a bathroom stall during lunch in high school.

I starved myself all through 11th grade because I didn't want to stand in line for food at lunchtime.


----------



## Smith

I used to spend hours in the bathroom stalls in high school. I missed more school than I actually attended starting all the way back in pre-school. I used to just throw tantrums and cry then, but the fear of being around my peers never went away.

I'm terrified to stand in a line that has more than two people in it. I feel like I am inconveniencing people and that they are judging me for that, so I will just leave the store and not buy the things I need even when it's important like medicine.

I am so afraid of running into people I know in bathrooms and having to talk to them that if I see someone I know enter one I was going to I will just walk past it and look for one else where. In my dorm building since I know everyone who uses the public bathroom I just pee in a designated cup so I don't ever have to leave my room except for classes or practice.

I can't find a new job because I'm so scared of the interviewing process that even though I know I'm qualified and would be a great worker I assume it will go badly and I will just throw applications away in the middle of finishing them. This isn't limited to jobs but also schools, internships, and volunteer work.


----------



## Sunshine009

Years ago I wore a wig once and glasses to go to a convention show because I knew some of the vendors and didn't want to talk to them but wanted to go to the event.


----------



## blockhead

During highschool 
I ALWAYS had my headphones in my ears, as not to talk to anyone. 
I would never leave class to go to the washroom. 
I would skip any period that I knew I didn't really have to go to.
I never ate lunch, instead I would walk around the neighborhood and try and get as far away from the school as possible, in case someone from school saw me walking around.
I would always make sure to arrive just in time for class to start so that I didn't have to talk to the people around me in class.
I never once went to the washrooms, incase someone else was already there.
I never participated in class.


----------



## ThirdEyeGrind

Sometime's if I'm in a store or something, I'll scratch my nose (or face), or sniffle for no reason at all.


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## Hippo

wtf? said:


> If I hear a prank phone call on the radio I usually change the station. It's almost like I become the person being pranked and become embarrassed/anxious for them.


This is kind of why i found the Borat movie almost painful to watch


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## ModernMyth

- I avoid going to the bathroom in the middle of a class if I don't really, really have to go. And if I go I do it so quietly I'm sure no one notices. What freaks me out is coming back in after having been gone, and everyone turns to the door to see who walked in. 

- When I feel awkward in a situation or if I feel stupid being somewhere alone (like the cafeteria) I pretend to text on the phone, sometimes I even fake talking into it. Mostly because I hate thinking that people might feel sorry for me for being alone. 

- We can sit inside the classroom when it's lunchtime so I never had that cafeteria fear, and I have some friends in my class so lunch has never really been a problem. And also if my friends are sick or something and I'm alone, we all have our own laptops so I can hide behind that. 

- When I walk somewhere alone I try to keep my eyes either straight forward or downwards so I won't have to meet anyone's eyes. 


There's probably much more. Will think about it.


----------



## Phibes

Before my first day of university earlier this year I went and bought a litre of beer and a miniature bottle of vodka which was my silly failed attempt at feeling comfortable amongst all those people. 
I had the beer prior to class and took swigs of the vodka in the toilet cubicle.

Really bad idea because alcohol doesn't stop my paranoia.


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## megansumbrella

Sophomore year of high school, I got a 6% (not a typo) grade in Chemistry because I was too afraid to ask questions.

I also ate lunch in the bathrooms in high school. Only every other day, because I had a lunch period that no one else I knew had. What's really disgusting, I used to sit my binder on the toilet and eat off of that. :blank

Also in high school, I had a presentation in ASL and instead of suffering through it, I used my thumb nail to cut the top of my mouth and went to the nurse. When she asked me to hold a tissue on it to stop the bleeding, I continually jammed my thumb back there so it wouldn't stop. Needless to say, I got to go home with a recommendation that I see a doctor immediately.

Recently I opted to sit in a dark ally by myself (in a fairly dangerous area) because I felt like my boyfriend and my friends were ignoring me.

These all make me feel incredibly stupid.


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## hopeful17

whenever i feel uncomfortable and paranoid especially in class with other students that i dont know, i act awkwardly, make zero eye contact with anyone, and nver look beyond me at other students for fear of them giving me a dirty look.
Also, if i arrive in a class early and there are other students barely walking in, i dont make eye contact and if there is a seat open next to me and no one sits by me, i think that they asssume im a freak and really weird, so they have to sit as far away from me as possible.


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## jnm123

*strange things SA makes us do..*

i hate when people stare at me when im eating so on dates i try and sit beside my date:sigh:sigh


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## Tusenskona

I'd avoid eating lunch because I didn't have anyone to sit with ever so I wouldn't eat at all and just sit outside where no one would bother me and listen to my music.

I hated school so much and being around the people that I would break down in tears in the middle of the class and ask to go to the counselors office or I'd ask to go to the nurse.

Whenever I went to the mall I'd go into serve pains in my stomachs.. or whenever it was somewhere public. I think it was some weird reaction to all the stress I was having being there. So I had to call my mom to pick me up a lot.

Whenever there was a concert for choir or maybe a report due or just some thing that involved standing in front of everyone I wouldn't even bother going to school that day. Then finally i had to be faced with my teacher telling her I didn't do it when actually I did most times. So I failed a lot of my classes.

I hated asking for help so many times in school even though the teacher's weren't all patient with me. That I would just give up on the work and read instead.

I wouldn't ask a guy out or admit to liking a guy because of my SA so then I'd hook him up with my friends instead.:roll

I've had to walk home many times alone at night because I felt left out with my friends.

When I think something is wrong with my body I try to ignore it because I don't want to go to the doctors.

I spend most of my time in movie theaters because that's the only place I feel comfortable in.

I'd have my mom and still have my mom make my appointments for me because I'm too scared to even call someone.


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## rcapo89

When I was a senior in high school during the end of the year we had a field day with games and activities. It would last all day and was reserved only for seniors. Since I had no friends and couldn't stand to be by myself and pretend to be comfortable. :afr Since it was a friday I decided to skip school. It was difficult because both my parents leave for work after I leave for school. I went into the basement from the outside and hid in a cardboard box until both of them left. I remember listening for my Dad to put our dogs in the cage and for him to activate the alarm. When he finally left I ran up the stairs to leave the basement, when I realized I locked myself in. I couldn't open the outside door since the alarm was on. Thankfully I found a coat hanger and unlocked the door. I did all this just to avoid social interaction at school. :no


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## aster

I refuse to leave voicemails because I am scared of how my voice will sound.

I also hid in bathrooms during lunch in high school.. and finally would drive home for lunch once I had a car. Those were painful years.


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## girlrequiem02

In grade school through high school I would just be "sick" everyday when I couldn't deal with a situation or anything where I would have to get up in front of everyone. Then I could never complete any colleges I went to cause of the constant fear of failing and everyone looking at me...I hate being noticed at all.
I eventually turned to drugs and alcohol to help me cope with social situations.
Now I don't even leave my house unless I have too. I avoid friends and going outside in fear people will see me and judge me. I didn't know what was wrong with me until I just heard about this disorder. I live with my boyfriend and he is very social and loves attention so it def. is a strain on our relationships when I fall out of every plan because I get so anxiety just thinking about it. I hate it. It is so depressing.


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## Banzai

I remember once asking my drama teacher if I could perform after school instead beacuse I didn't want to perform infront of the whole class.


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## UltraShy

aster said:


> I refuse to leave voicemails because I am scared of how my voice will sound.


I prefer voicemail simply because it's better than having to talk to a live person. That's not to say I like voicemail -- simply less bad than a live person. I too worry when that the message I left will sound stupid. I'm fine with how my voice sounds -- it's a very generic male voice IMO -- but I worry if I should have stated things differently and that I could have left a better message. It's just silly, when I know "normal" people don't give this a second thought even when they leave objectively stupid messages. If only I could be "normal" and not give a damn about looking/sounding stupid.


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## Hysteric

Banzai said:


> I remember once asking my drama teacher if I could perform after school instead beacuse I didn't want to perform infront of the whole class.


Ugh, I hate how drama teachers always expect everyone to be more than happy to perform in front of everyone.

When I was at school, there was me and a girl in my class (who I'm sure looking back on it now must have had SA) who were always in a group together. Our teacher tried to make us perform in front of the class, but we flat out refused :]

Anyway, SA makes me do weird things all the time. For example, when I'm coming home from being out in my car, I'll go round the block however many times it takes until my annoying neighbour disappears.

Also, yesterday I told someone I couldn't give them a lift home because I had to go straight to somewhere else, just so I didn't have to sit in the car with them for 10 minutes. I ended up driving around for about half hour so my car wouldn't be parked on my driveway when they walked past my house. :blank


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## numero1

In highschool I was part of an internship and there were about 15 of us. We were all seniors and we should've known each other and be friendly, but unlike the rest of them, I took the bus by myself, I also made sure to leave before they did so as to take different buses. I remember that once I got on the bus and they got on after me and it was so weird because they chose to sit down next to me and they were all talking with each other, but I was just sitting there and had my noise cancelling headphones on.


Speaking of noise-cancelling headphones, I hated when people would look at me and move their mouths then I'd have to take my headphones off and talk to them.


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## lilgreenmouse

Before each trimester in high school, I'd make it a point to calculate when and how many times I could ditch gym class with what type of excuse without my repeated absences being too noticeable. But that was mostly cuz I just SUCKED at sports, just sucked. Being the last one picked for a team and having said teammates groan under their breath was just...ugh.

In uni now, I go home for lunch b/c I live so close (even if I only have 1 hour between classes) unless I make plans with a close friend.

I avoid cafeterias like the plague, and will never sit down in a restaurant to eat alone (unless there's a window and I can people-watch to keep my eyes busy). If I'm hungry, I'll generally just take a starbucks or a smoothie on-the-go.

And finally, I feel "safe" with my sunglasses on because people can't see my eyes very well. I'll go so far as to keep them inside (eg, a mall) even when everyone else take theirs off.


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## zookeeper

I used to wear headphones that weren't plugged into anything so people wouldn't talk to me.

When I was in university many of my classes set aside 10% of the mark for "participation" (because they weren't allowed to mark on attendance). Needless to say, I lost 10% in every class because I didn't say anything.

When I was very young, someone was giving me a ride home and we drove for about 3-4 minutes past my street because I was to embarassed to say we'd passed it.


----------



## Georgina 22

Today we went to collect my sister and her bf from his house to take them both back to ours, because he was coming for a BBQ. My mum and I was in the car too with dad, because we'd just been out somewhere and thought we'd collect them whilst on our way home. I was in the back and I feel uncomfortable sitting in the back with them so my mum whilst we were driving to his house asked me if I wanted to sit in the front instead and she sit in the back and I refused at first and said "Yeah but then I'm making it obvious i don't wanna sit in the back with them" Still I sat in the front. And I felt guilty when my sister's bf said hi to me and i'm avoiding sitting next to him.


----------



## mardy423

I also hid in the restrroms during lunch at school.


----------



## rickthegreat

In the past I used to :
Take breaks/lunchbreaks in car or bathroom stalls
skip an *insane* amount of class time both high-school and university



lilgreenmouse said:


> And finally, I feel "safe" with my sunglasses on because people can't see my eyes very well. I'll go so far as to keep them inside (eg, a mall) even when everyone else take theirs off.


Waited in line to drop a class at the registrar's office back in the day when I went to school. Got complimented on my shades tho. lol Used to wear shades all the time. Made my eyes hurt actually. I did that at a job where we had to wear safety glasses....found some reflective ones. That was two years ago. I can't believe I did that. (It was an indoor job...at night)

Lately I have tried listening to ipod while shopping, which really isn't that crazy I guess. It does help me take my mind off things.

And...bunch of of other sad ****...(reading all your guy's posts makes me sad. damn.) oh I can eat out at restaurants but as far as work/school in the past, the last time I ate in a school or work cafeteria was in grade school. No, early middle school I think it was. That was ages ago.


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## Nairov614

I Don't Step Foot Outside of My HOUSE if it is not with my ipod, phone, Purse, and keys or something to hold in my hand. 

I wear my headphones to avoid talking to people sometimes even if i know them, or to keep my mind distracted while i walk out in public, even if it is OFF WITH NO BATTERIES lol

If i can't find anyone to talk to while i am outside i Pretend as if i am talking to someone on my cell phone (which on numerous occasions i forgot to put on silent or vibrate and it has RANG!! in my ear in public!! lol) 

I missed my brothers Jr. Hs Graduation which my parents where counting on me too go because they both couldn't get out of work to make it, my little brother was out there alone with no support and not much picture memories of his graduations and friends besides the ones other ppl took of him. I lied and said they didn't let me in because i was late. 

I am the oldest of 3 so i was in charge of picking up the little ones from school I use to make them walk home on there own, and sometimes even lie to my parents and say i missed them and they left without me getting them in trouble. 

in the past week alone i have spent over $200 on Cabs because my boyfriends car was in the shop so he couldn't take me to work and my headphones where broken so i didn't wanna take the train..But after spending so much i could have bought like 10 pair of headphones. 

I sometimes wait on the platform watching trains go by till i see one that is not as full so i won't have ppl looking inside my ears if for some reason i don't have my ipod (which is rare) or to have them to scrunched up against me where they can smell me. because even though i take baths and wear perfume i just have a thing for dirty ears and smell, on me though. 

I had to repeat my senior yr of hs because my only friends who i walked home with where graduating early so they didn't need to stay for a full day i would leave when they left which was at about only 2 classes into my day. So i wouldn't walk home alone. 

I just started wearing flip flops or any type of open toe shoe, but only when i know i am going to be in a car, Not going to be standing in no lines, or on the train, or just any where a lot of ppl are standing still and have enough time to look down at my feet. I feel more comfortable with peep toe shoes but the peep needs to be regular size so not more than 2 toes will show. Basically because i am embarrassed of my feet. 

Wow can't believe all the things i do


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## Nairov614

zookeeper said:


> I used to wear headphones that weren't plugged into anything so people wouldn't talk to me.


I Didn't even have my ipod one time but had my headphones so i was walking around with my hand in my pocket holding the string inside, and for some reason i forgot and took both my hands out and am hear in a packed train with my dangling string for god knows how long and my phone rings and my friend asks " what you doing?" And i say "on the train Listening to my Ipod" and this Pretty girl busts out laughing and after she got off i had realized i was walking around with a dangling string lol I ALMOST DIEDDDDDDDDDDDD!


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## Nairov614

And finally said:


> I have been waiting for the summer this year just to do this, and have been on the hunt for some Super Dark Shades, and i have Never worn sunglasses outdoors! because of fear of looking ugly. But Thought i would force my self and give it ago just to see if it will help me be able to walk on my own!


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## Nairov614

KumagoroBeam said:


> i did the same weird things as everyone to avoid having to interact with people...
> i'm an extremely avoidant person (is that the word?)
> at the moment i'm sitting here doing useless internet crap while i should be studying, but i don't want to go up the stairs to my room...because there are people i don't know in the kitchen, some of my mother's boyfriends family.
> And they are so nice people. I don't understand why i'm so scared sometimes.


I have spent my whole life doing this! i am 22 and still do it. If i know company is coming over i would lock my self in my room go take a bath or stay locked in the bathroom till they left. A lot of ppl think i am very rude because of this, i have never greeted and if It was a Must that i had to pass by the living room i wouldn't even acknowledge there presence. When I live in NY in a very small apt and would be very hard to miss 2 or 3 Grown ppl talking in a living room.


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## Nairov614

AprilEthereal said:


> Sometime's if I'm in a store or something, I'll scratch my nose (or face), or sniffle for no reason at all.


If i am walking and theirs a lot of ppl heading my way looking at me I make believe my arm is itching, I have something in my eye and start rubbing them as if i had contacts or something lol , Sniffle, and so much more.


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## Nairov614

sadie08 said:


> A couple of observations here...reading all of these makes me feel:
> 
> 1. Obviously we all have a lot in common and it is SO comforting knowing I'm not the only one doing these "crazy" things
> 
> 2. Makes me sad to see all of us struggling so much when we should be able to just enjoy our lives and not be so stressed
> 
> 3. We really do have to laugh at ourselves. Some of the stuff I do because of SA I know is downright bizarre and when I go back and read it, it makes me laugh out loud!


_I couldn't Agree with you more! _


----------



## miminka

I hate going to the hair salon. I just hate it *SO* much. If they mess up on my hair, or don't trim it short enough or whatever, I don't say anything.

Also, whenever I'm in public, I subconsciously contort my fingers, like entwine them with each other. If I can't do that, I always grab my neck with my left hand. Like it's sore or something.

I just know I'll keep editing this and adding more stuff because reading everyone else's reminds me of stuff I did in the past. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I actually made up an illness when I tried to convince my doctor to write me a note saying I didn't have to take gym. (I know, that was a poorly constructed sentence) Luckily, she bought it and I never have to take gym!


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## miminka

Nairov614 said:


> I Didn't even have my ipod one time but had my headphones so i was walking around with my hand in my pocket holding the string inside, and for some reason i forgot and took both my hands out and am hear in a packed train with my dangling string for god knows how long and my phone rings and my friend asks " what you doing?" And i say "on the train Listening to my Ipod" and this Pretty girl busts out laughing and after she got off i had realized i was walking around with a dangling string lol I ALMOST DIEDDDDDDDDDDDD!


Okay, sorry I just had to laugh at that! But that must have been humiliating! :blank


----------



## miminka

Ben S said:


> Constantly looking in the mirror and answering the questions in my head.....
> :um


I do this to. WHY?


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## Weirdo

At thirteen, I lived in one kind of a children's home for half a year. I didn't want to bother anyone, so I refused to unpack my bags. 
I weighted 106 lbs as I went there and 93 lbs at the point I got out. I cannot eat in front of a crowd.

During school days I eat in the library bathroom.

Once I hid in my school locker for about 30 minutes, waiting for lessons to begin so that the corridors would be empty and I could come out unnoticed. I was sixteen.


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## ItemEleven

I don't like eating alone so I eat while walking if I am by myself. 
I don't go anywhere in particular. I just walk around till I'm done eating. 
Once I ran into a friend at uni with my mouth stuffed full of sushi. It took me about two minutes to say hi back cos my mouth was so full i had trouble swallowing. I was really embarrased.
I'm not really sure if this belongs in this thread. Do you think it's weird?


----------



## Toad Licker

I stopped going to grocery stores for nearly 7 years. If I had to go out I'd wait until dark to do so if it was possible. There's probably more stuff but I just woke up and can't think.


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## mrfixit

back in school i would not talk in most classes not even during roll call. in one class there was this gogodancer chick (she said thats what she did) who sat in front of me who was determined to make me talk. she would ask me questions like where am i from, age, favorite movie..but i never answered, she would tell other people to ask me questions but i never did answered back. every time the teacher gave papers to the one sitting in front to pass back she would always hold my paper. i would just sit there with out my paper. i would just grab any paper and pretend to follow along. 

now im thinking more of this through and reading the forum i'm beginning to think that SA its in our genes. if i remember back my uncle had SA (i didn't know at that time he did but now i do by the way he acted) his kids have SA (i remember one time he told me a story about his young 4-5 year old daughter playing outside the house and whenever people would come over she would stay outside un till the people left). my SA didn't start un till i started high school but now it's more advance then before. believe it or no i use to be class clown, was not scared of fighting, and was not shy talking in front of the class (just the normal those of shyness). 

so i'm beginning to believe that people with SA have to work harder than people who don't have it just to cope and live a normal life. my SA probably showed it's ugly face late because i was a very active kid till i stopped going out all together. this lets me to believe that there's a way to cope with this problem one just has to find a way to shove it deep inside the closet. but whatever i'm doing i need to do the opposite. i also now think that long term abuse causes SA. i believe the feeling of trying to avoid the people that hurt you causes SA.


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## miminka

mrfixit said:


> i also now think that long term abuse causes SA. i believe the feeling of trying to avoid the people that hurt you causes SA.


Interesting perspective, totally true.


----------



## fences

I wore my winter coat well into June. I didn't want to go to my locker and talk with people and I could use it to block out people in the classes where I didn't know anybody (all of them).

In recess K-3 I always hid under the playground for the duration of it.
4-5 there was nowhere to hide, so I just walked in circles around the field.

Driving by my destination and then coming back so I dont show up early.

Looking back on it, I did so much worse in classes where I didn't really know anybody than the ones where I did. If I didnt know anyone I just slept the whole time and avoided things.


----------



## avoidanceextroidinare

Probably the worst thing my SA has caused is for me to leave jobs without any notice, and I mean NONE, like I won't even tell them I'm quitting I just won't go back. Usually I just tell myself that I'm not important enough for them to notice or care anyway. That's my excuse for about everything, although I know this isn't this the case and I'm probably making other people feel like crap by avoiding them. I make up elaborate excuses to not go places when I am invited. I can only converse with people I percieve as being on the same level with me or lower. If I think someone is somethinger than me I completely freeze up. I can't IM or chat because I over analyze what I say so much that I end up erasing and rewriting and taking so long that the person thinks I'm off line. When I do go out with people I can only communicate on a superficial level, I'm terrified of sharing my own thoughts and opinions. Hmmmm..... What else? I'm overly nice to people even when I don't necessarily feel that way. I could go on for a while, I spend my days analyzing myself so I'm at no shortage for material.:b


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## ItemEleven

avoidanceextroidinare said:


> I spend my days analyzing myself so I'm at no shortage for material.:b


I thought I was the only one. lol.


----------



## TaniaN

In high school I avoided English classes like the plague because I would freeze up and not know how to answer my teachers would always call on me. And it always seemed that it was the English teachers who has a problem with just letting you talk at your own pace *sigh* I went to a private school so I couldn't just cut class without an excuse, my only way out was to go to the infirmary and fake some sort of illness. Well it got so bad that I was BANNED from the infirmary during my English period :\

For college I had to attend this summer orientation to be eligible for some financial aid. Well I get there and I'm nervous as hell but decide to join everyone where they were at (ok I might've possibly been forced to, don't remember). And naturally people can't leave well enough alone because they ask us to go around the room and introduce ourselves. At which I bolted and ran back to my dorm room.

That same day I had a girl attempt to befriend me when everyone broke off into groups that night. We walked around for a bit and chatted.....until some guys walked over and decided to talk to us. I bolted again. She never spoke to me after that, like she thought I was some freak of nature.

That same year on Halloween my friend and I decided to go to the Theater House's Halloween party. My friend did not have SA but she was just as awkward as I was and so we wondered how long we would survive at this party. We walked in, stood there for a whole 2 min before I ran back to my dorm. My friend stayed behind with her sister. That was my last attempt at a party in college 

My first job out of college was a data entry position....a horrible enabler for my SA! For the next 2.5 years I sat at my cubicle and never uttered a word to anyone unless they spoke to me first. There was no reason to! It got so bad that people in my own department didn't know who I was. I would skip company meetings, outings, you name it.


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## mixolydian

I remember in year 12, one of my best friends invited me round for a bbq. He asked me sometime early in the week and the bbq was on saturday. Anyway, during the week leading up to it I started to think that he, and all the other people who were invited, didn't really want me to come and that it would be really awkward if I showed up and I would look like a dickhead. I didn't end up going and I remember talking to him on the monday after and he asked where I was and I had to make up an excuse that I had a doctors appointment. This was my best friend at the time and I felt like I had betrayed him. As wierd as this sounds it was as if I needed confirmation the night before whether I was welcome or not. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I still can't believe I did this and I had a similar experience with another really good friend of mine around the same time.


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## SenzaParole

i skipped lunch litteraly everyday junior and senior year of highschool after spending the longest 20 minutes of my life sittin by myself in the cafeteria one day. i wud just walk the halls or just go sit in my car. highschool blew


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## Heisel

Wow, what an interesting thread! Amazing how many people did the "library at lunch" thing in school. I also did this. The following year, they started closing it for lunch, so I would use a hallway that was underneath the cafeteria, there were a few older rooms there that were used for storage, I could stay on the stairs and eat my food, if someone was coming, I would just quickly walk down the hall and go up the stairs and circle back around to my spot. Usually two or three times a week I would have to do my circle pattern. I did that for an entire year, every day.


----------



## Wittgenstein

I used to go to the bathroom in bottles while living in the dorm, which would either pile up in giant bags until I had enough courage to lug them down in the middle of the night to throw away or I would dump them in the downstairs bathroom while everyone was sleeping. 

One semester I had to live in the dorms without my girlfriend (she couldn't afford to go back that year) I sat on the floor in the darkness for days without using my computer because I thought it made too much noise. I slept on my cover on the floor so I wouldn't have to get into the bed which I thought made too much noise, and I didn't eat because I thought opening up the food and eating it made too much noise. I eventually left for the semester citing familial problems. I even slept in the library a few nights because I was late getting home before everyone else in my suite so I couldn't sneak in. 

I've walked so many extra miles and sat in so many bathroom stalls in my life to avoid having to stay somewhere too long or see a group of people it's too unbelievable to even remember each time separately.

oh and I'm 25 without a license because I can't imagine sitting in a car with a stranger.


----------



## Bobby

I wouldn't put my hand up in elementary school to ask to go to the washroom and would hold it in. 

Come to think of it, I would never put my hand up for anything unless it was life of death. Even though I knew all or most of the answers to every question.


----------



## Judi

mixolydian said:


> As wierd as this sounds it was as if I needed confirmation the night before whether I was welcome or not. Has anyone else had an experience like this?


Yes, I even need confirmation at the party.Sometimes I wonder if people invite me merely to increase their invite numbers. I then begin to act awkward and aloof, honestly because of my actions it'd probaly be better if I didn't go. But I guess if they don't want me, they won't invite me next time right? :/ Damn, that doens't make sence...

When I was in Vietname school, I would sit in the toilet during the recess (thank god there was only 1 recess lasting half an hour) everyday for the year. When I want to a different Viet school I stayed in the library during breaks (which is alot nicer). School was only one day a week and it only lasted 3 and a half hours but it was hell to me. I sat on the floor heater a few hours at a time to recover....

This feels like Deja Vu... I wonder if I already wrote this here? :/


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## nothing to fear

mixolydian said:


> I remember in year 12, one of my best friends invited me round for a bbq. He asked me sometime early in the week and the bbq was on saturday. Anyway, during the week leading up to it I started to think that he, and all the other people who were invited, didn't really want me to come and that it would be really awkward if I showed up and I would look like a dickhead. I didn't end up going and I remember talking to him on the monday after and he asked where I was and I had to make up an excuse that I had a doctors appointment. This was my best friend at the time and I felt like I had betrayed him. As wierd as this sounds it was as if I needed confirmation the night before whether I was welcome or not. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I still can't believe I did this and I had a similar experience with another really good friend of mine around the same time.


yes, pretty often i worry that i had misread or misheard what they said and they didn't actually ask me to hang out or go out it they were mentioning something going on like a party they didn't intend on inviting me.
it doesn't really make much sense, honestly, but i second guess everything.
gah, and then when i do end up going, i get paranoid thoughts that they still don't' want me there even when they asked me.


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## Clax

During senior year of high school i would hide in the forest by the school every day for lunch period. Winter was a horrible lesson in pain, because in my mind i still "had to look good" with my jeans and spring jacket even though i had no confidence in my looks whatsoever.And coincidentally, after sitting outside in minus 15 weather so much you can build up a great tolerance to the cold  Theres some positive thinking at least...


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## SlightlyJaded

Sometimes, I'll sign on AIM because I'm so tired of being bored and lonely, but as soon as someone IM's me, I panic and sign off. Then later I give them some lame excuse about AIM freezing up.

I used to go in the library and pick up a bunch of books, but when it came time to check them out, I'd get nervous and walk around the library aimlessly for about half an hour, trying to find the courage to do it. Finally, I'd just put them all down and walk out.

Once my best friend asked me to go bowling with her and a group of friends, and for some crazy reason I said yes. Once I got there, the idea of being the center of attention while I bowled freaked me out so much I lied and told them that I'd sprained my wrist so I couldn't bowl. I ended up sitting in the cafe eating a hot dog and watching people bowl for two hours.

When I was 19, I went to a friend's birthday party and tried to hide in the corner so no one would ask me to dance, but suddenly this total stranger grabbed me and forced me onto the dance floor. I told him I couldn't dance, but he said he'd teach me how, so for a few minutes I tried. But as usual, the idea of people watching me terrified me, so I tried to pull away. He wouldn't let me go and the music was really loud, so right there in front of everyone I yelled the first thing that came to mind, "If you don't let go of me I'm going to barf on your face!" ...because yelling something like that is not _nearly_ as embarrassing as learning to dance in public. Pfht.

My first semester of college, my English professor would make us write papers and then swap them with the person sitting beside us so we could review each other's work. I'm always really self-conscious when people read things I write, so I always checked the syllabus and skipped all the days we were supposed to do it.

In high school, I joined choir because it was the only elective they offered other than speech (it was very small school). One day while we were performing for competition, I was up on stage and I started having an anxiety attack. I got so scared I couldn't stand to be there anymore, so I simply walked off stage in the middle of the song and went to hide in the bathroom. We placed last in the competition because of it and everyone was really mad at me, so I told them that I'd eaten something bad for breakfast and it had made me sick.

...and gah, there are so many more.


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## SixFigures

When i was at Uni, one of my friends asked if i wanted to go to the cinemas after class with him and another friend, i said okay. Anyway when we were walking to the cinemas, a thought came into my head that i wasnt really welcome.... so when we arived at the cinemas i wasnt sure if i should stay or go, so i decided to walk away quietly and go home.... but then they came and got me and asked what the hell i was doing, so i pretended i was lost.

I was such an idiot. :yes lol


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## Lumiere

SlightlyJaded said:


> I used to go in the library and pick up a bunch of books, but when it came time to check them out, I'd get nervous and walk around the library aimlessly for about half an hour, trying to find the courage to do it. Finally, I'd just put them all down and walk out.


I used to do this all the time, too.

I have loads of similar experiences to those already posted. Mostly me just going out of my way to avoid people; feigning illness, going quiet during conversations, etc.

I live about 5 minutes away from a college and I have to walk past the bus stop opposite most days, which is always packed with students. Most times I can do this okay, albeit with a great deal of anxiety, but once in awhile I get too nervous so I walk in the opposite direction and go through the local park, which runs along the back of the college... when I come out of the other side of the park, I'm on the other side and don't have to go past the bus stop or the main college entrance. Walking past the college takes about 30 seconds. Walking through the park takes about 40 minutes extra, but it's still preferable to the anxiety.

My sister is coming round later today with her kids. I'll probably hide in my room for about 3 or 4 hours and pretend I'm ill or something.


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## SVIIC

Last year at college I was too afraid to try and get a partner for a group assignment in college and so I just didn't do it. I still passed because I got a group for the next 2 but still.


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## siryn

high school:

*During band practice, we'd always have ten minute breaks every hour. This was when everyone congregated with their friends, but I didn't have any friends. So I'd just stand by the trash can and stare at this plant growing by it. I had that plant's every branch and blossom memorized...

*I was one of the eleven students in my class who didn't skip on "senior skip day." Everyone else there didn't skip because they had missed too many days and couldn't miss any more and hope to graduate. I didn't skip because I knew the classrooms would be virtually empty. All I did was read all day and play chess with my math teacher. It was probably the best day I had in high school.

*In gym class, the teacher always took roll before we changed. Then he'd disappear into his office and we wouldn't see him again. I figured out really quickly that he'd never notice if I was gone. So I'd hide in the bathroom until all of the other girls had changed, then climb on top of the lockers, lay down, and read a book until the other girls came back. Once they left for their next classes, I'd climb down and go to class. I was never caught and got A's in gym for two years doing this.

college:

*I'd always sit downstairs in the library basement to study. No one went down there because it was always freezing and damp and smelled like mold. I have severe allergies to mold, but I'd rather sit down there for hours and sneeze than study upstairs where everyone else was.

*I always came late to classes when we had to pick group partners that day. Usually the professors would just assign me to some random group, so I wouldn't have to go through the awkwardness of not having any friends in the class.

*I agreed to work as a research assistant simply because I got my own office out of the deal. I hid there most of my senior year between classes.

recently:

*I go shopping at Wal-mart at 2:30am just because I know the store won't be busy and I don't have to worry about running into anyone I know.

*When I went to New York City, I pretended that I didn't speak English when people asked me questions.


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## Setolac

haha , weird because it applies to me


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## Georgina 22

Recently we've had alot of trademen, plumbers,plasterers, electrician in our house because they had been working on our extension. When they are working upstairs on the landing and I can't get passed from my bedroom to get downstars because the plumbers or so have pulled up the floorboards and the carpet to get to the pipes, near the stairs. I don't want to hinder them and say excuse me, can I just get downstairs. So instead I hide in my room and I pretend I ain't in there. I just go on my laptop or do some crafts quietly all day, sometimes missing lunch too because I'd have to go passed them and downstairs to get it, so I don't bother lol. I don't often like our trademen seeing me incase they wonder what I am doing here all day, so it's best to stay in my room some days, all quiet and pretend I am not there and I have a life to get on with LOL ....til...a trademen comes into your room and your little secret pretending that you ain't there is ruin LOL has happened to me, I was all quiet in my room and then a plumber wanted to look at my radiator, he didn't think I was in there, and was abit shocked I think. When he left my room, I remained in my room but made abit of noise to show I am there and I ain't jumped out of the window or something lol 

I am getting better now, with some of our trademen, I can show myself and not hide all the time. But I get worried they must wonder why I am at home all the time and that I am unemployed


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## BeautifulGunStucknHolster

turning down radio, deciding a game plan before ALL social situations. when people are in the house occasionally pretend to take LONG showers to avoid. smoking mj, exercising like a nutcase (cuz it feels so good), excuse making/avoidance.

looking back at my list a lot people I know do these things too; just not for same reasons and compulsively.


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## sash

oversad said:


> Now rather than going to the library during lunch as in high school, I sit at my desk at work during lunch and do things on my computer. I avoid the cantina area like the plague and never go out to lunch with other employees.
> 
> Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


That's what I did at work too...I would always eat at the desk. But then I would get literally harassed to go out and if it were my boss then it was harder to say no.


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## Paper Samurai

I had this history teacher in year 12 who for want of a better word was a bit of a *****. She had gained a reputation for being a misandrist; which I think can be attributed to frustration more than anything - she was an Oxford graduate teaching history to students who mostly couldn't care less and still lived with her parents. I think I'd be a bit annoyed too in that situation to be fair. 

But anyway, at first she was quite nice; I think she may have been sympathetic to my social inadequacies more than anything. But yeah, I sat alone in that class for a while - but after a bit of a student exodus mid way through the course I sat next to a girl I talked to occasionally outside of class. But she picked up on it, made a big deal and set off a spiralling sequence of events. Other people in the class decided to add the odd jibe here and there, and she now decided pick on me from then on.

There was one occasion which sticks in my mind though, I had fallen behind with some class work and she made it a mission to publicly belittle me about it. It then came to light that there were others in the class in similar situations to me who didn't receive any criticism what so ever. Upon realising this mid way through a class - and whilst having an awful day to boot - I had a really bad panic attack. Apparently I looked as a pale as a ghost. I just packed my stuff and walked out - seeing how bad I looked she bought the illness excuse I told her. 

Glad to get that off my chest.


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## ilikeshinythings274

Whenever I have to go to an office to drop something off or something along those lines, instead of letting them know I'm there, I just take a seat and wait for them to come out. I'm too afraid to speak up. Sometimes I'll wait quite a while until I finally get seen. They'll usually say something like "I didn't see you there". 

It reminds me of that part in "Sling Blade" where Karl is going over to visit a friend and instead of knocking on the door to let them know he's there, he just stands there, staring at the door. Another friend, Vaughan, comes along and the following conversation ensues:

Vaughan: Have you knocked on the door yet? 
Karl: No, Sir, not yet. 
Vaughan: How long have you been standing here? 
Karl: Quite a spell, I reckon.


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## sash

Since my problem is mostly get togethers...I'll say this is how I cope with them:

When we had people come over, I would go to the kitchen and clean up the dishes anytime things got awkward or silent. 

I would go to the bathroom, check my makeup...take my time...maybe say a prayer lol

I would eat and take a sip of my drink more often than everyone else around me...

Now that I have kids...I've used them to cover up my SA as well. I would go breastfeed my child...even if I knew he wasn't hungry. Or, I would go to change their diaper even if I knew it was clean. It kinda helped me buy time. I would also tell my hubby I would give him a code when I had enough and was ready to go..but then I would end up doing the code for him...and he would always forget it or ignore me. 

So, yeah, now I just avoid get togethers altogether.


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## sash

siryn said:


> *When I went to New York City, I pretended that I didn't speak English when people asked me questions.


I like this.


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## sash

girlrequiem02 said:


> In grade school through high school I would just be "sick" everyday when I couldn't deal with a situation or anything where I would have to get up in front of everyone. Then I could never complete any colleges I went to cause of the constant fear of failing and everyone looking at me...I hate being noticed at all.
> I eventually turned to drugs and alcohol to help me cope with social situations.
> Now I don't even leave my house unless I have too. I avoid friends and going outside in fear people will see me and judge me. I didn't know what was wrong with me until I just heard about this disorder. I live with my boyfriend and he is very social and loves attention so it def. is a strain on our relationships when I fall out of every plan because I get so anxiety just thinking about it. I hate it. It is so depressing.


I know what you mean. I'm married and my hubby is social. It puts a lot of strain on our relationship when I keep refusing to go to his friends' homes and such. :sigh


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## Haydsmom2007

wow I can't believe how many people did the library thing. I did that the first semester of my senior year because I didn't have the same lunch period as my one and only friend. I would just go through teh snack line and get a muffin or something and go to the library and do homework  Second semester I actually switched my classes so that I could have the same lunch as her. I dropped out of choir (which I had been in all through high school and junior high) so that I could have the same lunch as her. I am such a loser.

I drink before I go to parties so that I will be good and drunk and wont have to risk being awkward and sober.

Oh there's lots of stuff I do but I can't think of any.... they are so funny too haha

I will think of more and come back


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## Haydsmom2007

sash said:


> I know what you mean. I'm married and my hubby is social. It puts a lot of strain on our relationship when I keep refusing to go to his friends' homes and such. :sigh


same with me except it doesn't put a strain on our relationship lol. he likes to stay home with me most of the time. he's very outgoing and funny but he prefers to just be with only me instead of going out with a bunch of people. I've just now started to be somewhat comfortable around his roomate.... that was always the awkward part.


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## Haydsmom2007

SenzaParole said:


> i skipped lunch litteraly everyday junior and senior year of highschool after spending the longest 20 minutes of my life sittin by myself in the cafeteria one day. i wud just walk the halls or just go sit in my car. highschool blew


oh man. You're bringing back very sad memories.  Walking around the halls over and over... I bet people thought I was so weird.


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## Haydsmom2007

pepsidude185 said:


> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside. (ps i dont smoke anymore for that reason, lol)


 no lol i like smoking. it makes me a lot more relaxed and not worry about what other people think of me.


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## daisycakes

I've always had that need to 'look busy' that I'm sure most of you guys can relate to. In the morning before classes start, I'd show up as close as I possibly could to the bell to avoid looking awkward and when I got there, I'd stand around by my locker, opening it, rummaging through it and closing it excessively. And then I'd panic, wondering if anyone was noticing how long I've been digging through my locker.

I walk to and from school every day alone and I get very angry when I meet up with someone who asks if I want to walk with them. It's nice, but the walk to/from school is very important to me because it's just 'alone' time with me and my iPod, mentally preparing myself for a day at school, or recovering from a day of school. 

I obsessively check the fly of my jeans. That's the latest 'thing' of mine. While walking down the hallway at school, I am constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) looking around me and making sure no one will notice if I casually check the zipper. There is never a time when I'm walking down the halls and I'm not obsessing over whether or not my fly is closed, whether anyone is looking while I check, and whether people think I'm touching myself when I do. It sounds SO stupid, I know.

And I walk around the perimeter of the school to get to my classes, or I cut through the courtyard.
1) I get a tomato face walking through the halls so it's nice to cool off.
2) Avoiding halls.


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## FX4

Hi everybody,43 years old and still dealing with this crap.......anyway I walked home everyday for lunch from public school and everyday from high school as well, I couldn't tell you what the inside of the hi school cafeteria looked like during lunch,I avoided it like the plague!I can remember being so nervous in home room that I couldn't turn my head and when I could it moved in short jerky movements and as far as speaking to someone my voice would fail and I would sound strained and raspy.I hated hi school sa is probably why I quit.I thought I was the only one who felt like this then but by reading this forum I wasn't alone,kinda makes me feel better about it.Thanks for letting me rant!


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## namastecadet

i like to do most of my shopping (especially clothing), either early in the morning or late at night when it's dark. less crowd means less anxiety (in most cases).



pepsidude185 said:


> i know this isnt a positive thing, but does anybody else get really super duper duper anti social when they smoke weed? im talking about if wasnt there smoking weed with them, and they come, i just go insane on the inside...


*cough, cough... i've had similar life experiences... cough*


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## JayDontCareEh

I'm sure it's been said already, but I drive to grocery stores on the other side of town so I don't bump into anyone I know.


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## secretlyshecries

Wow. So far I've only read through the first page of this thread but it really feels like I'm reading about myself. :roll I sympathize with all of you for having to go through this. I know how much it sucks because I'm in the same boat. Anyway, I'll share some of mine.


Earlier this year I scored a group interview for a job at a department store(not serving people. Just tidying, ect, so it might've actually been the perfect job for me (for not having to deal with people)...). I was dropped off by my sister and all ready to go in. Then when I asked the lady at the main desk where the interview was, I got confused with where I was meant to go. I completely lost confidence in myself and started walking aimlessly around the department store. I did this for the next two hours before being picked up by my mum. I lied to her and my sister about attending the interview. They believed me and afterwards kept asking if I'd heard back from the store. Eventually I lied and said they'd emailed me back saying I was unsuccessful.
My mum and sister are always suggesting jobs I should apply for. Of course a lot of these jobs are very people-orientated so often I'll lie and say I applied for them when I didn't.
This has happened several times. I'll be walking home when up ahead I'll see a group of particularly intimidating looking people so I'll cross the road and go a completely different way. Once I kept avoiding pretty much all people on my walk home to the point where I actually ended up getting lost (which is pathetic considering the size of my town). I think I wound up getting home maybe an hour later than when I usually do.
I'll turn down offers of shopping trips with my mum or sister because I don't like being dragged around to all different shops where there'll be lots of people. Sometimes I feel like a failure as a girl because they'll want to go clothes shopping and I'll want to too but I'll start feeling scared and want to go home. The other day my sister and I were doing a bit of christmas shopping. We went to a few shops and I started to feel panicked but I hide it well. She suggested we go to this big department store and I said I just wanted to go home. Later when we were home she said something that seemed to imply I was weird for not finishing my christmas shopping and deciding to go home instead. She often makes it sound like I'm just being lazy though.
At the place I'm working right now, I'll go to have morning tea but if the kitchen is crowded, I'll go sit in the toilets instead and wait awhile before coming out again. Sometimes I go into the toilet and study my reflection for awhile (which I'm never particularly happy with) so I'll try and fix my hair or whatever, which will end up taking awhile, so then I'll think 'oh god, anyone from the kitchen (which is right by the female toilets) who saw me go in here is probably wondering why I never came out' so then I'll sometimes wait until I hear _them leave_ the kitchen before coming back out again.
Sometimes when people knock on the door, I won't only pretend I didn't hear it, I'll hide. :blank Even when I'm sure they must've seen/heard me, I won't always answer.
I used to skip English a lot whenever they made us do speeches.
Man that got long. Sorry.


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## FX4

Hi all,
This topic has jarred loose some memories.......I remember on more than one occasion waking up from an afternoon nap on the couch and hearing my wife visiting with her parents in the next room and I would pretend to still be sleeping untill they left..............quite the thing this sa is.


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## Jayne311

In preschool, the very first time I ever had recess, I sat on a bench with my arms folded and would not move. The weird thing was that I was happy doing that. I screamed and cried when the teacher tried to make me play with the other kids. I had another moment like that too once: I was sitting in the bathroom at home when I was about six, waiting for someone I think, and I thought how nice it would be to just sit there forever, and I started to wonder what that would feel like. I guess it seemed easier than dealing with things.

I never ate in the bathroom at high school but I did sit in there a lot during lunch. I felt horrible doing it, but some days I just couldn't make myself sit in the cafeteria. I would stand in a stall and read until someone came in, and then I was always paranoid they would look over the wall at me so I pretended to look in my bag for things until they left. 

Once when I was about seven or eight the teacher got really mad at our class, and told us all to sit and do a worksheet, and that no one was allowed to get up. Right as I started working, my stupid pencil broke. I was too scared to get up, so I tried to write with the broken off piece of lead. 

When I worked in a coffee shop, people would sometimes ask how much some little item was that didn't have a price on it. If I couldn't find my boss to ask, or I felt like I was taking too long and had been gone too long, I would just avoid them and wait until they left. 

I hate having to touch people or be really close to them if I don't know them, so I would always hate walking down the halls at school at their crowded times. The other option was to walk outside to the different buildings, but I was always afraid I would either get locked out even though there were a hundred other people outside, or the sun would be too bright and I would look like an idiot squinting without my sunglasses. 

I don't think a day of high school went by that I didn't wear a jacket. Some days I wore two, and they were always zipped or buttoned up. 

I had had friends during the first half of high school, but during our third year we stopped hanging out, and a few times during that year I felt like they had been a bit rude to me, so by then I assumed they didn't want to be around me anymore. So in our last year I found out we all had the same lunch, but instead of going up to them and trying to sit with them, even though we had known each other for years, I just went and sat alone. Each and every day of that year, minus the bathroom days, I felt so ashamed and embarrassed to let them see me sitting alone. I sat near a group of nice people in one of my classes, and I would be elated every time one of them talked to me, hoping my old friends saw and thought I was friends with the new group, to not appear so pathetic. 

A few weeks ago I sat in my car waiting for a class to start rather than wait inside. I sat there for about an hour, flipping through pictures on my iPod and daydreaming. 

A lot of people on here said they wait until their class or whatever is about to start, and then they go inside. I could never do this. I'm afraid of walking in after everyone and all the seats being gone. I hate walking into a room and having to stop and look for a seat. 

When we have family over, I do okay, but I hate going over to someone else's house. I never know what is okay to do, even if we've been there before. Like some people don't care if you eat in the living room, and some do, or some people like certain doors to stay shut, or whatever it may be. Every time we go to a relative's house, I always stay right beside my mom or sister.


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## Minerva

I feel envious that a lot of you had the freedom to go to the library or to your car during lunch in high school. My high school was very strict and I felt like they babied us most of the time. We could not go to the library unless we had a pass, so if I wanted to go there during lunch I would have to ask for a new pass every day. It was the same with going to our cars, but we could only go to our cars to get something from them, not to stay there. Some teachers even gave students problems for walking in the halls during lunch, it was ridiculous. Most of the time I just sat outside the cafeteria and read a book, they wouldn't even let us eat outside but I would always sneak something. I would hate doing this in the winter, but I always did anyway.

I asked to use the bathroom once in all 4 years of high school. I would always try to go between classes because I felt really uncomfortable asking permission to use the bathrrom.

I notice that when i'm in a conversation with a lot of people, I eventually stop talking and just listen to what the other people are saying. During a long group conversation (sometimes up to a half hour) someone usually points out that I don't talk much.

If I see someone I know, I will usually just pretend that I didn't notice him/her unless s/he says something to me.

I get really nervous when people start questioning me on my interests, especially when they ask about music or reading. I really love my hobbies but I'm just afraid that the other person will be judgmental. And I think it is just stupid when they ask about what i'm reading. If I give a summary, it really won't sound that great, you have to actually read the book if you want to know what it is about. That's why I rarely ever read the back summaries of books until maybe I am already finished reading it.


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## cmed

Haydsmom2007 said:


> I drink before I go to parties so that I will be good and drunk and wont have to risk being awkward and sober.


8) I do that sometimes too.

If I go somewhere and feel awkward it helps if they have a dog. I'll just spend the whole time playing with the dog. People think I'm obsessed with dogs.

I take a nap in my car on my lunch break because I'd rather not sit in the break room by myself.

Also with phone calls. I have no problem at all talking on the phone, it's second nature to me. But if someone is in the same room listening to me talk on the phone I get very anxious. No idea why but I have to be alone when I make/take calls. People think it's weird that I go for a walk every time I want to make a call.


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## Man Is An Island

Regrettably, many of my habits are post-high school.

- Because I live at home, when skipping college, I will sit in a parking lot the entire day. Sometimes up to six hours. I will just sit there and sleep. If I can´t sleep I will stare off into space. I try to read or do school work sometimes but I can´t concentrate. One time I sat in a lot for about seven hours to avoid a family reunion. Occasionally cops will harass me because they are bored, and God forbid someone be ¨weird¨ or different. Other times I will drive around aimlessly. My area is extremely boring but it seems there is no country road on which I haven´t traveled many times.

- Instead of doing projects or assignments on time and preparing early, I will put forward a haphazard effort so that I can always say to myself ¨I failed because I didn´t try¨, although deep down I know I would fail regardless of my level of dedication.

- Last night, for instance, I drove home 30 miles with the fuel light on in my car because I did not want to fill up at an unfamiliar gas station.

- As a variant to the above, I will go to the same store even if it is more expensive or less convenient solely because I don´t want to risk going to a new place.

- I avoid getting haircuts because it is so damn awkward.

- I will park in a distant spot in a parking lot so I don´t have to park beside other cars and risk embarrassing parking correction. Last week I was with some people and screwed up parking badly and they called me on it. Humiliating.

- If I see someone I know (a casual acquaintance) I will look down, look away, and leave the area as quickly as possible to avoid having to speak to him or her.


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## Efsee

Not sure if I have already posted here. whatever.
-avoid showing up early to classes
-having to look busy
-wearing jackets when they aren't needed. This must be some sort of a psychological security blanket thing.
-avoiding eating on campus, or anywhere else when I'm alone


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## namowrepus

Once when I was in junior high I told my mom I would meet her after school at a store she would be at which was a few blocks away instead of her having to come pick me up. I figured I would like the walk. The problem was that I was a country girl and I had never crossed the street at a stop light by myself before. When I came upon a stop light I froze on the corner when I realized I didn't know how to cross it. This was no small intersection...it was a corner of two main streets with turn lanes. I sat there for about a minute trying to figure out what to do. I knew people were looking at me and trying to figure out if I was going to cross or not since they were turning. I could see them looking at me out of the corner of my eye with a look of "ok are you going to cross or what". So I ended up walking back to school and waiting half an hour until my mom drove up looking for me.


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## Shorts

-I like to wear a hoodie if I'm going out somewhere crowded, it makes me feel a bit more safe with a hood up, like I can't see or hear what's going on behind me so everything's a bit easier. Worse thing is when a security guard in a supermarket tells you to take the hood down because he thinks you are a hooligan, then you have to deal with being able to see everyone AND bad hair 

-If I'm on a train or bus and I have nothing to do like read a paper I will often close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping, even if I'm just going one stop, Course then I start worrying whether people are watching me "sleeping" and I get all worried.

-Worst thing at the moment has gotta be waiting in line at a subway, aaaaghhh!
The line is always right next to where everyone is eating or the shop is real small so if it's busy everyone's real close together and I get all scared. Then you have to make your order in front of everyone  Hence why I always make sure to go when there is likely to be no-one there.

-Oh and a while back I managed to actually get the courage to go see the community mental health team and they gave me a number that I could call to get CBT, of course I'm too bloody scared to call the number, it sucks.
I need to call the number to get help, but I need help to call the number :| it's a vicious cycle!


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## Darren07

I do some pretty wierd stuff because of my social anxiety. Although I wouldnt really call them wierd, its just that I go out of my way to avoid (or escape) certain situations.

I cant think of any right now but I think of something and post it.

Just wanted to be the 900th comment! Lol.


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## Cosmin

I always wear sunglasses when I'm outside. Yeah, much like Bono, just that besides the badassness, I do it for slightly different reasons like, you know... fear of eye contact. 8)

Something I did today: I had to go to get some food (from the left green dot to the right green dot). It's not a complicated drive (yellow path), but I can proudly say I did a pretty good job in making it so (red path):


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## ionre24

When I was 8, I was at piano lessons and I had to pee really bad but I was too scared to ask my teacher if I could use her bathroom. So after a while I couldn't hold it anymore and I ended up peeing my pants and it got all over her piano bench, which was much worse than just asking to use her bathroom would have been.


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## delirium

I avoid going clothes shopping because I'm afraid I'll have to talk to the pretty girls in the clothing stores... (or that they'll judge me negatively)


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## Dov

This post brings back many memories most not so good
But my main thing during grade school was the bathroom since we had to ask for permission to go only one 'accident' and luckily it was right after I got off the bus 
but now in college its avoiding the cafeteria for lunch and pretty much skipping it dinner is much emptier so not so bad so i just have one real meal a day


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## Brandeezy

Where to start?

- In high school i use to hide in the bathroom stalls during lunch, school events, and pep rally's. Since my school had bathrooms on both floors, I would switch different bathrooms everyday so people wouldn't notice. The janitor would come at a certain time during my lunch period to come in the bathroom and clean it up so I would switch different bathrooms or try to act like i was washing my hands. During school events i would sit in the bathroom for about a hour and a half or two hours, listening to music or playing with my phone.

- When we had free time in class i would go to sleep instead of talking with anyone in my class until we went on with the lesson or the bell rang.

- As soon as school was over i would walk really fast to my locker and get my book bag then try to get on the bus before everyone else. I hated when i couldn't find my bus some days because by the time i did most of the people on the bus had a seat by themselves and i would have to seat next to someone i didn't know. Also i would use my book bag as a extra person in my seat so no one would seat with me.

- I hated doing presentations so much i would lie to my mom that i was sick. If i couldn't get out of it, i would start sweating and get very nauseous then my voice would start cracking. 

- I don't like answering phone calls from my friends because i hate talking on the phone. I'll text them if i ever need something.

- I always look outside my window everyday to see if my friend is at home or not and who's over his house. I don't know why but i always think he's having more fun then me

- When i'm out with my friends and they all start talking to someone i don't, i walk away slowly or act like i'm on my phone. I also act like i'm on my phone when i'm waiting for the bus, train, or sitting by myself somewhere so people don't look at me as a loser.

- When i get on the train i always go to the last car or the car with the less people on it because i get real nervous when i'm on the train with a lot of people and my stomach and legs start shaking like crazy. 

- One time at school i waited for about 2 hours before i walked home because i was scared to walk home in front of my peers because of what they might say


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## No-Sturm-und-Drang

I'd eat in the bathroom for lunch and whenever there was an assembly i would sit in the bathroom the entire time until it was done. 

whenever things in the classroom were making me feel more sa i would ask to go to the library or bathroom and then not come back

dropped out of college because of sa

dropped a class because i had to do a presentation 

i always get to a class about 20 minutes early the first day so i am for sure the first one there so i can get a seat in the very back corner

the roommate i used to have rarely saw me because i would go straight to my room and when she was gone i would come out and linger but when she came back to the house i would go hide in my room. If people were over i would be too scared to go out to go to the bathroom so i would hold it for hours and hours till they left or went to sleep.


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## djr86

In eleventh grade, I didn't really know anyone in my lunch period and didn't have the courage or know how to make friends so I would also get a pass to the library and act like I had lots of homework or some project I had to work on so I could avoid the lunch room. For me, it was very embarassing to be seen sitting alone at lunch, I felt like such as loser in front of anyone who noticed. 

Also, in french class, on mondays our french teacher would call on random ppl to ask them what they did over the weekend (and they would have to respond in french for practive of course). Everyone always seemed to have a great social life full of events and I did not. I was too embarassed to speak out in front of the class and also had nothing interesting to share, so I quickly learned to ask for a pass to the bathroom on Mondays when the class began to avoid this part of class. I think after a while my teacher realized what I was doing, but she didn't mind. I think she caught onto the fact that I had SA. My french teacher also went to my church, so she saw my behavior there as well. 

Also, even now (I am 23 years old), when driving, I tend to go out of my way to avoid busy intersections/stop signs because I hate being in the front of a line at the stop sign while the "attention" of everyone behind me is on me and waiting for me to go. 

I really hate talking on the phone in front of ppl (I think I am getting better at this), so at work I wait until my co-workers who sit right next to me either get up or start talking on the phone themselves so they don't hear or notice that I am on the phone.


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## Stargirl09

In one of my first jobs I'd eat in the toilets, NEVER speak to anyone which they'd invariably notice and say things like 'she's ever so quiet isn't she?' or 'hey, you work so much faster than the rest of us, you don't have to' or 'it took me ages to get her to say anything' so usually they'd speak in reference to me with another person in my company. I'd smoke alone not even dream of sitting with anyone during break, sometimes someone would say something to me and I'd think about it all day then answer them at the end of the day and they'd look shocked.

Most were nice, some would laugh about me.

I've also peed in containers (ew, sorry), when I worked in an old peoples home I'd eat in the cleaners store room (I was a cleaner, I'd tape a piece of paper over the window and sit on the bin scoffing cereal) at lunch I'd just sit alone either in the T.V room or the empty staff room. At home I eat stood up in the kitchen or in my room, if everyones at work I keep the curtains closed.

I was eventualy sacked for my behaviour, they dismissed me as 'incapable' of working in the home. Since then I've worked as a supermarket cleaner, it's embarassing and I would do something else but I'm not mentally strong enough yet, I need more money though cos by the end of every month I have to be subbed by my parents, they even stopped taking board money so I could take driving lessons.

I act weird ALL the time: I tap stuff, click my fingers, run my fingers along the keyboard or corrugated plastic bottles, tap my pen in class, scrunch packets of crisps, have to bob down in shops to hide or pretend to fish in my bag for stuff all because I don't want people to hear me swallow. If I'm travelling in the car I hold a newspaper up over my face, on the bus I will either move seats or get off if it's too full, in queues I'll leave if I get tense (cos I think I'll choke), at bus stops I'll tap my bus pass and hope no police cars go by, everything is a chore of varying levels of stress!


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## MlleKathy

I did the eating lunch in the bathroom thing because we would have break and I wouldn't have anywhere to go. Right now I go to my next class and wait for break to be over, but I don't know how it will be next semester.
I blow off any friend who asks me to go places with them on weekends because... of unknown reasons.
I would hold it when out with family members, needing to go to the bathroom in stores because I'm afraid they would leave me there. (I've gotten over this mostly, still get anxious but I do leave them to go to the bathroom)
Back then I wouldn't join any clubs.
Elementary school I was afraid to participate in field days for fear I would lose and look dumb in front of people.
When I found out a friend liked me I would hide from him anyway I could. He would always be near my classroom talking to friends (I would have to pass him to get to class) and I hid in the bathroom until the bell rang and he went to class.


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## this portrait

When I'm in my hometown, I avoid going in drive-thrus at fast food restaurants, because I do not like having to raise my voice. Instead, I will literally park and go inside. I will also avoid the local mall on Friday nights, for fear of running into people I know and just being around all the annoying teenagers.

There are probably other strange things I do because of my SA, but those are the ones I can think of at the moment. =P


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## Vexed

The only ones that spring to mind are really pathetic. 

Whenever my friend is away from school for a day, at recess and lunch time I always head to the bathrooms with my iPod and wait until it's time to go to class. I always get extremely paranoid that someone knows I'm in there but it's so much better than walking aimlessly around the school all alone.

I also sit on the side of the bus where you don't have to watch the people get on when the bus stops. I can't deal with the stress of pulling up to a stop and having the people look up at me, or to see other people at the bus stop waiting for their own bus look at me either. So I never sit on that side ever.


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## Laidiemoon

I love every one of you people!

In grade school at lunch I wouldn't walk up to the vending machines unless my friend came with. Luckily I've conquered that fear. :clap

Later on in high school I met some friends at a park a few miles from my house to play volleyball. My friend drove me and some others there, and when we arrived I started to feel uncomfortable and my anxiety got the best of me and I just ran all the home without telling anyone I left. They were concerned about me and ended up calling to check on me later. I probably seemed like a psychotic person to them.

Just the other week while I was shopping, I was stopped by a lady who invited me to partake in a Mary Kay demonstration and I gave her my phone number not feeling like I could decline and make her feel bad. Then when she called and called to get in touch I never answered. I've pulled this stunt on many occasions. 

Gotta love it.


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## compulsive dreamer

I wish i could have done some of the things you mention, schools in my country are so different!!! When i was in school, i could not leave, i just have to stay there in the classroom until classes finished, during the break i hid in the bathroom so i wouldn't had to talk to anyone, and one day i had to leave 'cause there was a girl who must use "that" toilet i was in.
As i couldn't go into the library, I sat in a corner of the "patio"(?) and do the homework i didn't do at home in porpoise... :boogie or I took books (like Harry Potter xD) to read so nobody would bother me, of course they did it anyway -_-U :sigh 
OH! When we had "15 year-old parties" my mom forced me to go, sometimes i could get along with some of the girls in my same table and dance but there were rude guys who always spoiled the party for us ¬¬ and then i would return home alone at 5 am if the place was near and my parents couldnt pick me up, just because i was afraid of asking someone who lives near my house to share the taxi D: (sorry my bad English in some parts)

:yes LOL


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## girlwiththehair

- I snap rubber bands on my wrist to calm myself down.

- I don't go to restaurants because I HATE ordering.


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## Rtastism

Reading this thread really makes me feel better about all the weird things I've done to avoid or combat situations that cause me anxiety.
Heck, this whole site makes me feel better, and much less alone.

- I pretend to be on the phone or text in public to make myself busy, coming up with entire stories of who I was talking to and what about, just in case anyone asked.

- I hid in the bathrooms at school all the time, usually crying and avoiding looking at or talking to other girls who came in. Sometimes they would spot me and ask if I was okay and offer me a hug or a chocolate bar or something, or ask if I wanted to talk... I can't say it made it less awkward, but it was sometimes nice to know people cared.

Ugh, just writing this brings tears to my eyes..
Uhmmm...

- I find excuses to leave or not to attend events, like parties or visiting a friends house. Sometimes I call my mom and give her a code word to make it sound like it's HER telling me I have to come home, and not ME wanting to leave. I've done that on countless occasions. Instead of just telling a friend I want to leave, even if it doesn't have to do with SA but say, I'm too tired to stay any longer, I always make it seem like I HAVE to leave, not that I want to.

- I would wait around in the bathroom at school or at the library, sometimes for hours at a time until my mum or dad could pick me up after school, instead of walking home alone. I have a major fear of walking alone.

- I never take the bus or any form of public transportation alone.

- I wait until I can cross the street with a group or at least one other person. I pretend to dig in my bag or something until someone comes along going in the same direction as me, just so I don't have to cross the street alone.

- I used to wait and carefully watch other people in my class and not go up to hand in my test or quiz until someone else was going so people wouldn't look at me.

- I avoided presentations like the plague.

- I avoid phoning people I don't know.

- I lie about why I'm crying, when it was usually because of SA. When I get anxious, I cry. 


Wow... that's a lot. And there's probably a lot more that I can't think of right now.


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## rubberquack

- when im in a public toilet and i want to pee, i wait for the person next to me to flush their toilet so i can pee, incase it makes a noise

- i like singing in my car, but wait for the cars to drive past

- in a lift (elevator) i dont tell people what floor i want to go to, and if its too pack to press the button i just go to all the peoples in the lifts floor till i can press my own button

- if my mum has visitors round, when she says "im just gonna go make a cup of tea" i quickly leave the room before her so im not left with them alone

- couple days ago somone rang the house for me , and they told my brother they'd ring back in an hour, i disconnected the phone by not putting it down properly so it would look like my brothers fault when really i did it so no one cud ring the hosue for me

- at skool at break times id just pretend i was walking to places that i had to be, even tho i had no where to go, id be SO embrasesesed if someone saw me alone

im nervous bout posting this cos if no one acknowledges it i'll feel real embraesed like i just made a idiot of myself


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## kos

-i avoid certian stores where i know there is people working their that know me.
-i go running at night because i can't do it during the day.
-i turn all 3 house phones on silent when i know someone is going to call for me.
-I broke my xbox mic on purpose so i don't have to talk to anyone online when people visit me.
-i went out the night before thanksgiving at 2 am and drove around the city for 3 hours and told my parents i was hungover so i didn't have to go to the family get together in the morning.
-i avoid checkout lines with pretty cashiers.
-i have a cell phone but never answer calls only txts.
-sometimes i will drive around the city because it feels like im doing something even tho i have no where to go or anywhere to be. I usually just drive around the university campus looking for pretty girls i wish i knew.
-sometimes i eat lunch in the bathroom if my friends were else where.
this one isnt very s.a. but whenever someone aggressivly passes me when im driving i have to pass them back.


ill add to this list as i think of more.


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## heyJude

Like a lot of you, I have also hid in the bathroom stalls during lunch, free periods, etc. Sometimes for hours. I used to think I was the only person in the world that did this "odd" little thing.

Another thing-

My mom is a very social person with many friends who she invites over every Friday night to play card games. Well, I can't believe I'm admitting this but whenever they are over, I never leave my room since they usually play in the dining area and my bedroom door is in plain view of that area. I'm afraid that if they see me coming out of my room, someone will say 'hi' to me unexpectedly, or they will wonder why I am home on a Friday night like a loser, so what is wrong with me, why is she not saying hi to us...she is being rude, etc. Our bathroom is right across from my bedroom, and back then I used to do this :tiptoe to get to it, but these days, when they are over, I go in my trashcan. TMI, sorry.


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## Erasure

When guests come to my house I usually hide in the basement.


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## A nonymous

It's amazing how much we have in common, I can relate to most of what you're writing.

One habit I have is as soon as someone accuses me of something I feel guilty, even if I didn't do it. I would fail a polygraph test even if the first question was "are you a female?" (I'm male btw lol) In my mind I keep thinking, this person must see something I've missed, I'm so stupid for not seeing it, and I continuously let other people define me. One instance I remember when I was a kid, someone swore REALLY loud in gym class and the teacher came out and asked me if I did it. I looked at him and almost started to cry and said yes, apologized and everything. Then the other kid stepped up and said, what? I did, not you. Such bizarre behaviour now that I think about it, haha.


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## kikyoumiko

When I used to work at a movie theater, they used to do this thing where they forced employees to go out in the lobby and harass customers to sign up for a reward card. The company wanted a 2% rate everyday of new reward card customers. I hated doing them because I was forced to approach many people like a salesperson and I'm obviously not extroverted enough. It was a free card but I still got rejected a lot. I was always interrupted half of the time before I could explain what it was to the customer. Most of the customers are either in a hurry to catch their movie or already have one. They would force me to stay out there until I got like 10-20 sign ups. I was under the watchful eye of my manager which sucked. What I would do is pretend to go to the bathroom, and then I wrote up fake information on those sign up sheets and threw away those cards. It also goes the same for asking for donations for a children's charity while selling tickets. I was yelled at by one of the douchebag managers for not asking every customer if they wanted to donate and I wasn't raising enough money. But I hated being *****ed at by the customer when I ask if they wanted to donate because going to the movies is already expensive enough. But since I wasn't "doing my job right" I got my hours cut and eventually got none. Gawd, I hated that job so much. It was so terrible for my anxiety issues. 

When I used to take flute lessons, they would hold a recital every spring. I backed out with an excuse every time because I couldn't bear to perform by myself in front of people. I always felt like I wasn't that good enough and making one mistake and having everyone hear it was too much for me to take. I still haven't performed in front of an audience by myself. Not like it matters now anyways because I stopped playing the flute since I graduated high school. Speaking of that, I never reached my full potential of being a great flautist because I cared too much about what other people thought about me in band. I was always paranoid people thought I was playing too loud or it sounds out of tune or the sound just sucks. When I felt that way, I just blew into my flute without making a sound and just finger to pretend that I was playing.


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## FoxLuvr72

RATED_PG said:


> 1.
> got called "smiley" by a TEACHER cuz whenever she said somethin to me i wouldnt know what to say so i just smiled and nodded...but she was kinda cool...but when im at a lost for words i just smile and nod.


A guy in my homeroom in high school ironically called me that cause I never smiled or appeared happy. It lasted a year and a half until I dropped out of high school. Stupid jerk he was. 
I didn't drop out because of him I dropped out because I just had enough of school,
my grades were failing and I couldn't be bothered anymore.

Anyway I can relate to the stories on here. I never ate lunch at school (I never brought any with me) and never bought any thing at the canteen because of my SA so I went hungry.
Also I never used the toilets at school either so I hold it til I got home.
Most of my lunch times were spent in the library. At least I felt safe in there and away from everyone.

I'm so glad to know I wasn't the only one that did these things :boogie


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## IWrite

I got by ok in high school, but college was pretty bad. I pretty much lived in the library and just used my dorm room as a place to change clothes, shower, and sleep. I had to carefully plan my meal schedule so I'd only be in the dining hall when when it was the least crowded. Breakfast and lunch were served for long stretches of time during the day, so there were usually off hours when I could go and not feel awkward about sitting alone. Dinner was out of the question though since it was only served for two hours and people would pour into the dining hall. Luckily they had take-out meals that consisted of crappy pre-made turkey sandwiches and a bag of chips. That was pretty much my dinner every day for four years.

Late at night, I'd go on long solitary walks around campus and the tiny town where my school was located. I usually ended up at a river at the edge of town. I'd sit there at like 1:00 in the morning, just staring at the water and thinking.


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## Banzai

IWrite said:


> Late at night, I'd go on long solitary walks around campus and the tiny town where my school was located. I usually ended up at a river at the edge of town. I'd sit there at like 1:00 in the morning, just staring at the water and thinking.


I like to do this as well. Before, I used to go for long walks in this forest or sometimes, I just walk down endless roads, just thinking.


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## FoxLuvr72

Melmo said:


> "There is evidence that people with (SA) tend to believe that the way they feel is the way in which they are perceived by others."
> 
> This is exactly how I feel. I feel that I am fat, ugly, a loner and a loser, so I feel that when someone is looking at me, they think the exact same thing.


:ditto


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## lonelygirl88

IWrite said:


> I had to carefully plan my meal schedule so I'd only be in the dining hall when when it was the least crowded. Breakfast and lunch were served for long stretches of time during the day, so there were usually off hours when I could go and not feel awkward about sitting alone. Dinner was out of the question though since it was only served for two hours and people would pour into the dining hall. Luckily they had take-out meals that consisted of crappy pre-made turkey sandwiches and a bag of chips. That was pretty much my dinner every day for four years.


i know how you feel...i avoided the dining hall at all costs...never used it once the entire year...i walked across the street to nearby places to take-out:blank (note* i had to pay for a meal plan-it was mandatory)


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## spacebound_rocketship

When my SA was at it's worst I would wait for my mum to go to work then call the school pretending to be her and call in sick for me.
Then I would hide under my bed all day long (over 6 hours!), I would pull my duvets down so no one could see under my bed and I would wrap myself up in a thick sheet (it was summer!) My step-dad usually gets home at 2.p.m. school finishes at 3:15 so at about 3:20 I would get my school bag out of the closet sneak out my window, fix my hair (it would get all messed up from being under the bed) and walk through the front door as if I'd just got home.

Oh and I would usually fall asleep under there and have very vivid nightmares about my mum coming in and finding me.


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## PickleNose

I do weird stuff despite SA. Ideally, I wouldn't do stuff that makes me look like a fool.


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## spaced

Yesterday I went skiing with my friend to a nearby slope/resort. On my coming there a person in a helmet said Hello to me. I could not recognize them but felt nice at first. But I did not give a proper reply. Later I realized that was a collegue of our soccer games. I felt really strange and did not know whether I should go to him and talk to him a little or what. Instead I was avoiding him and looking at him all the time we were skiing or on the lift. At the end when he was leaving he went right to me, I did not know where to look and avoided any eye contact, so I think he avoided it too and just passed me. This was really wierd , cause couple weeks ago I had a very friendly talk with him. I was really relieved when he left. Not looking forward to meeting him next time :--) :--)


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## angel5433

Restless Mind said:


> My first year in college, my roommate used to go home on the weekends (thank god, he was so social), so I used to lock the door not leave my dorm until Sunday night. On Sunday, I would get on my bike and ride to the student center where I could do homework and avoid running into him when he came back.
> 
> I used to always go to bed early in the dorms, too. Everyone on my floor thought I was weird for that.


i do the same right now...i hate it. i guess it's a good thing that my roommate goes home as it saves the awkwardness of having her come in and go out and see me still just sitting in my room...i can relate completely :|


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## Frankie_Lee

When I go to the grocery store, I try not to buy things that explicitly go with each other, because I don't want the cashier to know what I'm going to eat. For example, I'd never buy bread, peanut butter, and jelly in one trip because obviously then they'd know I'm planning on having a PPJ sandwich later, adn that would be horrible...or something. :roll


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## jes2987

I used to get so stressed with my group of friends that I had a few years ago. The only friends ive really had, and we used to eat in school with about 1500 people in the cafeteria or outside, walking around, sitting next to us, and I used to feel sooo tense and scared. I wouldnt say a word the whole lunch sometimes. And if I did, it was really hard lol.

I eat alone all the time. I drive around alone sometimes haha. But yeah im always alone randomly, eating somewhere, and I hate people staring. I dont want people to be just staring at me u know... alone. But it happens. And i get hit on guys too, and my face will turn bright red and i dont remember what i say to them...

I drink alot alone sometimes. I used to drink or smoke before school. I would take shots, and go drive back to class lmao. I smoke weed sometimes alone in my bathroom. Its fun with other people, but if I was shy or too scared to be out with people, I would just say **** it and do it all the time alone

I used to be scared to open the classroom door, when I was late to class (which was alot) cuase I knew people would all turn to look at me. WOW so i ended up skipping class even MORE often... lol

I always avoid eye contact. Randomly and people know it and they think im so weird sometimes.

I used to hang out alone in the bathroom alot. And smoke cigs or something. For no apparent reason, even if it was after class. Bathrooms are like my second home haha..

Wow I sound like such a weirdo, but reading some of everyones posts makes me feel alot better 



> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


I ALWAYS did that when i was in 6th grade! lol


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## Larkspur

- I refuse to go into stores where someone I know might be working/might be shopping at.

-I dropped a required speech class the second I left the first class because of my social anxiety.

-I pretend to text on my phone when I am alone so people will think I have a social life.

-I will not use telephones unless it is to talk to immediate family members. I've had people pretend to be me for calls that couldn't be avoided.

-I "dropped out" of high school to go to an online high school because of my social anxiety.

-I have never had a job because of my anxiety. 

-I will only use self-checkouts when I go shopping.

That's all I can think of at the moment.:um
-


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## BatDance20745

Restless Mind said:


> Eat alone in the library instead of the cafeteria. Then I got caught and just fasted the entire day at school from then on.


I think it's plain WRONG for the library to be off-limits to students during lunch. The library saved me from the potential harm I would have received if I had set foot in the cafeteria.


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## BatDance20745

I check outside of my home window before going outside to make sure my neighbors aren't outside or close by. Then I won't get hit with "Hello".

I never ask for help in a store. I figure if I can't find it, they must not have it or they don't want to sell it. I'll go elsewhere.

I don't want recognition or to be the center of attention, so I won't tell my co-workers when my birthday is so they can include me in the staff parties.

I use my quick walking speed to get around crowds where I may be "pounced on" by a serious talker.

I use my son to ask questions of people. That's sad, I think. But one day when he's older, I'll explain to him that I wasn't being lazy or just bossing him around.


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## Doc Rice

-I used to be afraid when I forgot a pencil in class. One time I had a broken tip and had to take a test, but I was to afraid to sharpen it so I just took the tip and used that. haha

-I always put my head down when I was done with my work, pretending to be asleep.

-I skipped class a couple of times from a fear of having to present something.

-Put my head down when reading aloud, so the teacher wouldn't call on me.

-I use my hoody as a shield.

-Every day there was an event in the performance area of my dorm building, but I was too afraid to go in so I walked around the building a few times.

-Whenever I walked by anyone I knew, I would cough or scratch my beard (when I had one) because I didn't know whether or not I should say something.


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## Monroee

Doc Rice said:


> -I used to be afraid when I forgot a pencil in class. One time I had a broken tip and had to take a test, but I was to afraid to sharpen it so I just took the tip and used that. haha


I've done this a few times. Gawd, what the hell is wrong with us... I'm pretty sure if people heard the insane things we do just to avoid social interaction or attention they would commit us to mental facility.


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## dougcyrus

*ya heres just a taste of y childhood*

i use to hide out in tthe restroom at school so i didnt have to go to classs but i would never actually go to the restroom weird hu?? also i would never order and still never do order at resturants i usually never go to a resturant so ya??


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## nothing to fear

kikyoumiko said:


> When I used to take flute lessons, they would hold a recital every spring. I backed out with an excuse every time because I couldn't bear to perform by myself in front of people. I always felt like I wasn't that good enough and making one mistake and having everyone hear it was too much for me to take. I still haven't performed in front of an audience by myself. Not like it matters now anyways because I stopped playing the flute since I graduated high school. Speaking of that, I never reached my full potential of being a great flautist because I cared too much about what other people thought about me in band. I was always paranoid people thought I was playing too loud or it sounds out of tune or the sound just sucks. When I felt that way, I just blew into my flute without making a sound and just finger to pretend that I was playing.


yup, i had such intense anxiety playing my flute (or any instruments, but i played this the most throughout high school). i didn't practice as much as i should have, but even when i knew the part, it would sound completely different playing around people. i often did the same during rehearsals. what's worse is that for some reason for every year i was in the first row, second chair, so i was right in front of the conductor (there were like 20 flutes so i don't know where he got the idea that i was good). playing tests were horrendous for me and i cringe whenever i think about it. my heart would race a mile a minute, my mouth would get completely dry, my hands would shake, etc. so my breathing would be completely off, i wouldn't get the accurate fingering, i would struggle reaching higher notes.... ugh. bad memories.


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## nothing to fear

BatDance20745 said:


> I use my son to ask questions of people. That's sad, I think. But one day when he's older, I'll explain to him that I wasn't being lazy or just bossing him around.


it's not a good idea to depend on him rather than help yourself get through the anxiety, but it is good that he is getting experience doing things like those on his own since it will really help him build confidence in the long run. when i was a kid, my brother and parents would always speak for me. i sometimes would ask if it was something like ordering food, but it was just known to them since i was born that i was shy and it was easier if they did it. that certainly had a very negative effect on my anxiety and confidence in the long-run and i really wish they had been aware of it at the time.


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## hmf22

I lied a lot- or rather made up excuses to get out of things that I didn't want to do because I knew they'd be awkward. Like, I usually hate one on one conversations. So if I was in a group of three people talking, and one person said they have to leave (which would mean it would just be me and the other person left) I'd say something like "Oh yeah, I should probably get going to. I have to go to class" or something like that. I feel guilty about lying, but I think most will agree that guilt is a better feeling than the anxious/worthless feelings that come from being awkward in social situations.


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## james25

Laundry in the communal machines at 2 a.m. to avoid running into people.

I sometimes lie compulsively, too, but not to get out of conversations. Instead, I sometimes make up crazy little lies to create a basis for conversation. Like I might say something like:

Me: I've never been to that city before. What's it like?
Partner: inane blathering I'm uninterested in
Me: Oh really? I've heard that the place is really dry in the summer. Did you experience that at all?
Partner: inane blathering


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## kitav

I would always go to the library and skip lunch.

when i decide to go somewhere or do something i usually want to leave as soon as i arrive wondering why i wanted to go in the first place.

i avoid honor roll/award ceremonies.sometimes even going home "sick" to avoid them

if im stuck somewhere i dont want to be i'll just walk the halls or find some path to walk repeatedly because im to nervous to call for a ride

dont have a drivers licsense because,well being in the car with some one monitoring and critisizing your every move is nervewracking.

lots more i cant think of


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## Granny

rubberquack said:


> - when im in a public toilet and i want to pee, i wait for the person next to me to flush their toilet so i can pee, incase it makes a noise
> 
> - i like singing in my car, but wait for the cars to drive past
> 
> - in a lift (elevator) i dont tell people what floor i want to go to, and if its too pack to press the button i just go to all the peoples in the lifts floor till i can press my own button
> 
> - if my mum has visitors round, when she says "im just gonna go make a cup of tea" i quickly leave the room before her so im not left with them alone
> 
> - couple days ago somone rang the house for me , and they told my brother they'd ring back in an hour, i disconnected the phone by not putting it down properly so it would look like my brothers fault when really i did it so no one cud ring the hosue for me
> 
> - at skool at break times id just pretend i was walking to places that i had to be, even tho i had no where to go, id be SO embrasesesed if someone saw me alone
> 
> im nervous bout posting this cos if no one acknowledges it i'll feel real embraesed like i just made a idiot of myself


You don't know how I am shaking in making this reply; I'll be beet-red in a minute- will I goof it up and look foolish? I am much older than the rest of you and still dealing with this- I have worked a long time and learned how to interact with people superficially, but I am always ashamed when I find out things like a coworker's wife had a baby, and pictures were circulated to everyone but me, or a retirement luncheon will have come and gone and I wasn't invited. I notice a common restroom theme in the posts; here's mine- I hide in the restroom when people are going out to lunch so I won't show embarrassment that they didn't ask me.

I am actually in a long-term relationship with an out-going person. I still can't believe that he hangs in there with me- I don't know how to communicate properly and I think I maybe come off as rude- all his friends hate me and stay away from the house. He goes out to be with them. It does frustrate him when I won't answer the door bell or the phone.

The neighbors hate me too- once I was sitting on our front porch, which is partially obscured by a shrub- a neighbor and his kid came into our yard to play with a ball. Instead of standing up and saying hello I hid behind the plant and just waited them out. Of course he eventually saw me. He said "have you just been sitting there?" I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, I am so grateful for this site- I thought I was alone. I am tired of this and I am thinking of trying medication. Too bad we SA people couldn't get together and befriend one another. It seems like there are quite a few of us hiding under our beds.


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## Jayne311

In response to the last post, I too do a lot so I won't have a chance of being embarrassed. When I had people in school with me that I used to be friends with, but hadn't hung out with in a month or so, I would continue our tradition of buying each other little Christmas gifts, but I waited with the gifts hidden in my locker to make sure they still liked me enough to buy me something and give it to me first. 

I don't think people hate you. I think this a lot too, but then someone will say or do something to show that they really don't. They may think I'm a bit off, but they don't hate me. 

I'm grateful for this site too. I could never talk to anyone in person about the things I post on here.


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## thewall

When school is in session I eat my breakfast in my car in the parking lot. I'm always on guard watching for people walking through the lot and if someone comes close to my car I hide my food and act like I'm about to get out of my car. :um


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## Granny

Jayne311 said:


> In response to the last post, I too do a lot so I won't have a chance of being embarrassed. When I had people in school with me that I used to be friends with, but hadn't hung out with in a month or so, I would continue our tradition of buying each other little Christmas gifts, but I waited with the gifts hidden in my locker to make sure they still liked me enough to buy me something and give it to me first.
> 
> I don't think people hate you. I think this a lot too, but then someone will say or do something to show that they really don't. They may think I'm a bit off, but they don't hate me.
> 
> I'm grateful for this site too. I could never talk to anyone in person about the things I post on here.


Re the gift thing, I have that problem too- and I am never sure of the proper protocol for social things. That's one thing I liked about therapy- I felt free to be myself with the therapist, since I paid for it, and there was no secret that something was wrong with me so I didn't try to hide it (I probably look more pathetic hiding it then if I just accepted it)


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## MisterJ25

When I was 18 I went to my college orientation at Northern Michigan University. I was happy, but nervous, because it was the only college that I got into. The orientation was supposed to be three days. So on the first day, after the parents left, I was basically alone. I looked around and saw all the people playing pool and socializing, I got nervous, so I went up to the dorms. My dorm roommate for orientation didn't even show up, (how typical, right? So I was alone from the start) so I went and layed down on the bed in the dorm room and tried to go to sleep. The bed had no sheets or blankets or pillows either, which makes my story a little more pathetic I think. Keep in mind that this was like at 4pm in mid summer day that I did this. I couldn't sleep because I wasn't tired and there were people talking in the next dorm room, and I felt like a complete loser at my lack of ability to make friends at a stupid orientation. Eventually I gave up and walked around to find a pay phone to call my dad to pick me up and take me back home (a seven hour drive). I didn't even stay for the full first day of the three day orientation. I dropped out after that and didn't start college at all until I was close to 23. Now I go to a community college. I tried to start up going to classes since then but my family kept moving so I had to keep putting off college. Now I feel like a loser because I am almost 26 and am going to classes with 18 year olds.


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## secretlyshecries

> Now I feel like a loser because I am almost 26 and am going to classes with 18 year olds.


This isn't really the same, but it reminds me, I'm 20 and only just learning how to drive, and it makes me feel kinda pathetic sometimes thinking about the ages of most other learners.


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## mrbojangles

kitav said:


> I would always go to the library and skip lunch.
> 
> when i decide to go somewhere or do something i usually want to leave as soon as i arrive wondering why i wanted to go in the first place.
> 
> i avoid honor roll/award ceremonies.sometimes even going home "sick" to avoid them
> 
> if im stuck somewhere i dont want to be i'll just walk the halls or find some path to walk repeatedly because im to nervous to call for a ride
> 
> dont have a drivers licsense because,well being in the car with some one monitoring and critisizing your every move is nervewracking.
> 
> lots more i cant think of


i did this when i went to a new school my senior year of high school. my art teacher was always nice enough to let me duck out of her class a little early so i could get to the lunch line before everyone else and eat as fast as i could. afterwards i would always go to the library to read and relax. thats actually one of my only good memories from high school. there were times when a class would be in session in the library and i would be kicked out, and since there was no wandering in the hallways allowed in my school i had to go and sit by myself in the lunchroom :|


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## BetaBoy90

When I got my first job at a grocery store I adopted a bunch of new ways to avoid situations including:

-taking 4-6 bathroom breaks in a 6 hour shift to avoid my coworkers and shoppers

- on my 15 minute breaks I would drive home which took 5 minutes, browse computer for 5 minutes, then go back which also took 5 minutes

- If i actually had to use the washroom I would hold it until break or lunch than drive home and use my own washroom (huge fear of public toilets)

- I would pester my boss with continuous ammounts of work when I had finished mine just so i didn't have to interact with my employees saying I was too busy with all the work I had to do if they talked to me

- Lastly I switched jobs to a more suitable overnight position to avoid contact with my coworkers because I feared them (on the brightside nightcrew is great for me)

- I also have an obsessive mirror fetish where i continually judge my features in a mean spirited way, not sure if that would be SA though


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## shyvr6

Right now I'm wearing a blanket on my head like some kind of grim reaper look. Not because of sa, but probably because I'm just weird.


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## Catty

I tend to hide indoors a lot. I didn't even go out in the summer.


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## secretlyshecries

Lately when I feel too panicky to do my volunteer work, rather than just staying home, I go out to this really isolated area just down the road from my house where there's basically long grass, trees and bushes to sit in and be unseen by anyone (not that too many people walk by). My sister is home during the day right now and because when I was in school I used to have a lot of days off, I feel the need to pretend I still go in to volunteer now even when I don't go at all (which, unfortunately is a lot). When I go to this area I talked about, I'll stay there for about 4 hours, which is how long I'm meant to be at the volunteer place for. I'll spend some of that time reading, writing and the last two times I've actually gone to sleep rather easily (I just found that surprising considering I've always kind of been afraid to fall asleep in a public place. But no one is there to see me so it's okay. Mind you I still feel paranoid someone will come by but they'd have to walk through a bit of a maze (not literally but it might as well be with all the bushes and trees in this one small area) to get to me, lol.


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## Cubie

*I use to hide out in the bathroom and eat lunch as well. My "friends" really didn't care to much for me. I would have the worst days at school but i didnt want my mom to know that so i'd just lie and say how wonderful it was and make up all these stories. Some other weird things i do because of SA is i'll lie and make up excuse for it. People use to treat me "special" because of SA..so when they said "is it your anxiety" i would be like no and that would make things sooo much harder. ~QuietBeauty*


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## dave76

Reading through these posts, I thought it was just me who did some of this weird stuff. I'm glad I'm not the only one, so I thought I would share some of my experiences.

On my senior year in high school, I wouldn't get the school bus home. I felt uncomfortable just sitting there with other kids on the bus and the fear that someone would pick on me or sit beside me. I would walk down to town centre and go to the library to do school work for 2 hours and get a later bus home, or get a lift from my parents when they finished work at 5. I would finish school at 3.

Throughout my time at high school, there were workshops where I'd have to interact with other people. I skipped them all.

I find eye contact awkward. I try to do it (to seem normal), but to the other people I'm talking to, it must look weird to them. One minute I'm looking at them, then at my feet or somewhere else.

During recess, the toilet cubicles became my office.

But, luckily enough during high school I had a best friend who was also a bit socially awkward like me, but worse. Without him, high school would have been more difficult. For that, I am grateful.

And that does feel better to get off my chest. Thanks for listening


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## donttalkmuch

I cannot order food from a place where you have to go up and tell them what you want. Like Subway. Or go inside and order from a fast food place.


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## Georgina 22

donttalkmuch said:


> I cannot order food from a place where you have to go up and tell them what you want. Like Subway. Or go inside and order from a fast food place.


Yes, me either...or actually i can't do it on the phone either lol

If I want a Burger King something, my dad knows I am abit shy about ordering at the counter myself so he'll do it for me, and he's good at doing it. Me, I'll probably say what I want to quiet and i'll have to repeat myself which would then make me stutter


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## Prefix

I have not attended a single dance at any of my schools (Elementary School, Middle School, High School).

I have been unable to get my license. Not because I am a bad driver (when I practice with my parents, I am perfect) but every time I get behind the wheel with the instructor I have anxiety attacks.

I do not ride the bus - instead I walk home or have my parents pick me up.

I eat lunch in a teacher's room. Luckily I am not the only one there, but it seems like a "room of highschool outcasts". I get along with these people, but they are not my friends.


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## xtina

^ i don't have my license yet, either. i'm currently taking drivers ed, though. i'm a nervous wreck during each lesson, but it must be done.



when i was in fourth grade i walked all the way home from school, which included crossing a busy highway, so as to avoid walking on stage for a few seconds to accept an award. i had to break into the house through a window since my parents were at work.

there are a lot more....but i think this was one of my more extreme cases of avoidance, considering i was only 10 years old hahaha

most of the time i just lie a lot to avoid things.


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## 1applehearts1

- i ate lunch in the bathroom for all my high school years

- i take alternate routes to avoid people to avoid feeling awkward

- i avoid eye contact

- hide in the bathroom or in the back room at work to calm my anxiety down


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## BroBuddyDudeMan

*I feel ya bro*

-I read the same book for 6 months in class because I was to nervous to go the the school library and get another one.
-If I'm ever shopping(rare) and an employee tries to help me I will lie saying I'm done and leave the store and never getting what I came for.
-If I order food I never ask for anything different. ie. I wont ask for them to take the pickles off my burger ( i hate pickles) I'll just pick them off ... I don't eat out much.

I also like to stay up late. When everyone is sleeping I feel like I'm no longer being judged and I'm comfortable to do what I like.

I'm sure there's more...


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## Cheerleader

BroBuddyDudeMan said:


> -I read the same book for 6 months in class because I was to nervous to go the the school library and get another one.
> -If I'm ever shopping(rare) and an employee tries to help me I will lie saying I'm done and leave the store and never getting what I came for.
> -If I order food I never ask for anything different. ie. I wont ask for them to take the pickles off my burger ( i hate pickles) I'll just pick them off ... I don't eat out much.
> 
> *I also like to stay up late. When everyone is sleeping I feel like I'm no longer being judged and I'm comfortable to do what I like*.
> 
> I'm sure there's more...


oh wow, that's weird. i thought i was the only one who's feeling this nighttime-consolation (?).


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## Georgina 22

Prefix said:


> I have not attended a single dance at any of my schools (Elementary School, Middle School, High School).
> 
> I have been unable to get my license. Not because I am a bad driver (when I practice with my parents, I am perfect) but every time I get behind the wheel with the instructor I have anxiety attacks.
> 
> I do not ride the bus - instead I walk home or have my parents pick me up.
> 
> I eat lunch in a teacher's room. Luckily I am not the only one there, but it seems like a "room of highschool outcasts". I get along with these people, but they are not my friends.


I used to be in special needs when I was at school. In high school, i used to eat lunch and spend all my breaks in there in the Special educational needs room. Some of the special needs students used to look at me funny when they used to work in there and see I got to eat lunch in there (when you were not really allowed food in there.) instead of out with the other students.
I wasn't supposed to eat in there and spend my breaks in there all the time. Just a teacher once found out i got bullied at breaktimes and my only friend used to sometimes be in lessons when it was my breaktimes, so instead of spending my time in the 'street' (it was called at school, not a playground and it was inside not outside) on my own. They suggested i could sit in there and eat lunch and just hang out during my breaks, when my friend was in lessons. 
But I found I liked it in there so much and it was a great escape from people, I spent my breaktimes in there all the time, which meant I evenually drifted from my only friend i used to hang out with. 
The teachers probably suspected i probably drifted from my friends and probably felt sorry for me because they still let me eat and hang in there all the time.


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## CoreyNiles

Hmm weird stuff I do because of SA?... Not have friends, Not have relationships, never leave the house, drink, reject everyone that tries to form any sort of attachment with me, Hahhahahhahaha, None of it upsets me either, Its hilarious


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## poemsbyme3

I would hardly eat lunch at school with my friends and when my parents picked me up I would lie about eating. I just was too nervous and self conscious to eat around my friends. If they ate food then that's when I would eat food. I didn't want to look like I stood out while others looked like they fit in. this was in high school.I would lie to my boyfriend and friends that I had other stuff to do sometimes when all I had was a nervous break down about my anxiety taking over my mind. I get scared to go out with them feeling like I would be judged by the way I look or the way I talk. My communication isn't that good in person compared to how it is when I type. I have believed for awhile during my school years that I migh have A.D.D. Its hard to have a relationship when your either to worried about what others think about you or you have a hard time paying attention to what people are saying and or not knowing what they are talking about. I have been a shy person all my life. Its hard for me to read reports in front of class or any type of talking in front of class because I start panicing, my face turns read, I feel out of my element, I either read to quietly, or read to fast cuz of being so nervous and being uncomfortable. I'm not very good at opening up to people. When I'm around strangers I get nervous about what to say, what to do, and wanting to hide my anxiety. When Im with my group of friends its hard to connect with them because I feel like they are all clicking and I dont know what is going on with what they are talking about im just lost and just look like I dont belong there and just want to leave but I dont because I dont want them knowing that something is wrong. :con:help


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## DreamyDove

i went to the library at lunch instead of eating alone, or eating with ppl who i sat with several times b4, but weren't really my friends but they were just used to me sitting with them. I didn't even talk for the whole lunch period most of the time.. So i'd go to the library and just not eat and I would get headaches... but I would just have to deal with it, or after a while my body got used to not eating during the school day..

And if the library was closed for whatever reason, I'd just spend the whole lunch period in a bathroom stall... =& 

And in college, I was in the library typing an assignment, and I had to staple it; but I was too "scared" to walk to the front to use the stapler. So I removed a staple from something else I had, and meticulously re-set it into the new assignment by hand... =&


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## citizen_erased

I will do whatever i can to avoid having to speak on the phone in front of people. I don't like the thought of other people being able to hear me on the phone, i feel like they're judging what i say and my reactions to whoever i'm talking to. It doesn't really bother me with people i don't though, eg. i can talk on my mobile in a busy shop without feeling awkward.


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## kiwismile

Well, as far as lunches go, in my freshman year of high school I had a bad experience going through the lunch line on my first day, and as a result never set foot in the cafeteria after that.

In detail: The cafeteria at my first high school was tiny, so at lunchtime it would get packed with students, and I was already nervous because I had no idea how the cafeteria worked (it seems to change at every school). So I'd already worked my stomach into a knot by the time I got through the line, and then the woman at the register tells me that I have to go back and grab a milk carton (she gave some explanation that because I was on the Free Lunch program, I had to have a complete meal; that had _never_ been a problem at my middle school - they didn't care if you had something to drink or not). At this point I had to squeeze past everyone behind me in line, and then find the milk and get back in line. :fall I was so stressed out by the whole thing that I don't even remember if I actually made it through the second time; I may have just left my food there and escaped through the entrance.

Fortunately, I had wonderful friends who noticed I never had anything to eat at lunchtime, and one of them gave me her sandwiches. She claimed she didn't like them (her mom made them for her), but I sometimes wonder if she was only saying that because she felt bad for me. Which makes me feel bad.  I hope not.

The year after that, I was living with a nice family who'd taken in my sister & I because we had nowhere to live. I hardly ate anything while we were with them because every time I went into the kitchen I'd start worrying about what I could eat because I didn't know what was allowed. I lost a lot of weight during my first two years of high school.


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## iuseings

*I've never told anyone this...*



oversad said:


> I would avoid eating lunch during my senior year in school so that I wouldn't have to find someone to sit with or have to talk to anyone in the cafeteria. I sat in the library during lunch and tried to read boring philosophy books to pass the time.


I did this in the last two years of high school and I don't think I ever ate in school.

My avoidance became severe just before returning for the 9th grade, I'd excessively attempt running away from home and once walked 10miles in effort to take off... but only having the friend I was with chicken out and call for a ride home. Two other times I took camping equipment and almost went insane... I was caught by the cops and other time by my parents when I was trying to find company at my friends house (kinda an obvious place to get caught).
What I'm most ashamed of is that once I started grade 9 I skipped pretty much every day of school by hiding in the woods (in a canadian winter!!) I'd layer my clothing and just spend the day writing, listening to music or reading books. When I didn't go into the woods I went for reallllyyy long walks or hid under my bed (or stayed home if both parents were at work). 
The big reason I did this in grade 9 was because I lost my friends in school at the previous school year, and at the end of that school year I had one friend left whom moved away (to foster care) before the beginning of the next. I couldn't bare being seen alone in school.


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## kikyoumiko

Sometimes I kinda hate it when there is other people in a public restroom with me. It is because I don't wash my hands after I use the bathroom and I'm paranoid that someone will notice and judge me for it. I DO however always have a bottle of hand sanitizer and lotion in my purse with me all the time so that's what I use to clean my hands The foam soap they usually put in bathrooms these days seems to dry out the skin on my hands pretty badly so I don't bother to wash them there. Sometimes I would just wait til the coast is clear so I can just walk out by myself. I could have sworn one time in the bathroom at the movies someone said "Ew why didn't she wash her hands?!" after I was about to walk out the door. I wanted to turn around and explain why and call her a judgemental b**ch.


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## ryobi

I don't eat in resteraunts.

I drink with a straw.

I don't attend family gatherings.

I cut my own hair.

I change my own oil.

I bite my lip and tongue.

I wear headphones.

I never say By, I just leave.


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## joho

Because of SA, I usually take the longest route home, or walk around aimlessly after uni just to be around people, just so I don't have to be so alone all the time. But then this usually means I get even more down seeing all these people smiling and having fun together. 

I'm paranoid about my neighbors seeing my car parked in the driveway all the time and thinking 'why doesn't that kid get out'? So I work as much as possible just to give off the impression I'm actually doing something.


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## JamieMichelle

I plan for weeks before any family gathering to figure out a way to get out of it. I have faked injuries, illnesses, work emergencies, anything i can think of. I miss every Thanksgiving get-together, most birthdays, vacations, ect. Its always such a relief when I know I have successfully gotten out of it and then an immediate depression to know I will be alone, letting down my husband, and spending another holiday by myself. It is ruining my marriage but I can't help it.


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## Pandi

Prefix said:


> I have been unable to get my license. Not because I am a bad driver (when I practice with my parents, I am perfect) but every time I get behind the wheel with the instructor I have anxiety attacks.
> .


My dad keeps pushing me to go for the P plates, but I have a panic attack at the thought.

I used to walk to primary school in grade 1. I'd get halfway there and then stop walking and just slowly walk home then hide in the yard.

I got caught outside school grounds one lunch time in highschool, and had a teacher warn me, I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying. I had to go straight to class afterwards, my friends thought one of my relatives must've died.

I eventually stopped going to highschool, just flat out refused and ended up dropping out.

I stress out if someone calls. People usually have to call me a few times before I'll give in and answer.

I can't use public transport because I worry that I'll catch the wrong bus/train, so I need my friends or parents to drive me everywhere.


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## Bewil

I would just like to thank everyone who posted their stories here. I have been in many of the positions mentioned here and done many of the same things that were mentioned here. Much of it brought me back to my school days. The countless times that i felt that i must be the only one who couldn't handle simple situations that most people don't give a second thought to. The constant thought of being a freak, an outsider and a misfit because of all the simple situations that were just overwhelming to me. The hiding, the lies, the avoidance and the straight out strange actions that i would use in an attempt to get by in the world.

While i wouldn't wish this on anyone it is some comfort to know that i am not totally alone in my reaction to things.


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## sandman99

:agree I feel the same. It helps knowing that I'm not alone, though! 

I just wish I could live in a huge commune with all you guys, so we could be one big happy family... :group


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## epril

The other day I was working and I wouldn't open the door to leave until the people outside were gone.


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## Georgina 22

if my sister and her fiance are in my sister's bedroom next door. And I am in my bedroom, when I walk across my floor I sometimes tread carefully or tiptoe in case I make footstep noises LOL


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Whenever i'm driving and I have the wipers on, If I pass another car and they have their wipers on a slower setting I'll change mine down, For some reason I can't be the person with their wipers on the highest setting. Totally random or what?


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## Havalina

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> Whenever i'm driving and I have the wipers on, If I pass another car and they have their wipers on a slower setting I'll change mine down, For some reason I can't be the person with their wipers on the highest setting. Totally random or what?


Holy! I do this too! It's like I have to be man enough to see through the same amount of precipation as everyone else. Same goes with lights on the car.


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## My911GT2993

When people walk into the house, I walk upstairs
When people walk out of the house, I go downstairs
When people walk out, then walk back in, I go 

wow, bronco028 must be lovin it!


----------



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

*High Fives Havalina*

Yeah wiperspeedaphobias anonymous just got its second member!!:clap


----------



## sandman99

Whenever someone asks me for directions, I say that I'm not from around here, even in my own neighbourhood. Then I immediately leave the area so I don't run into them again, regardless where I am or what I was doing.


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## xtina

when i was younger i'd wear long sleeves no matter what, even in 115-degree weather.
i still do this, though not to the point where i'm risking heat stroke. i have rail thin arms and a long torso so i tend to hide behind loose fitting sweaters/sweatshirts.


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## My911GT2993

xtina said:


> when i was younger i'd wear long sleeves no matter what, even in 115-degree weather.
> i still do this, though not to the point where i'm risking heat stroke. i have rail thin arms and a long torso so i tend to hide behind loose fitting sweaters/sweatshirts.


Hmm I do this to. In the summer I wear my hoodie.:sus


----------



## rclarkms

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


I did the same thing in college. i avoided leaving my room so much that eventually i fell to far behind in school and got suspended. in highschool i would always get the lunch all of my friends didnt have so i would be alone. i would just go to the library till lunch was over and if the library was closed id go sit in the office and tell the people in there i was waiting for my parent to come so they wouldnt make me leave.


----------



## jacksondoug3

-i do the wiper thing too
-i fake yawns so i look tired and have an excuse for being quiet
-i sleep 3am-3pm because daylight depresses me
-i keep my headphones on most of the time because just hearing my roommate moving around stresses me out
-i stop my car several feet behind the car next to me at stop lights
-i cut my own hair because hair stylists talk too much
-my phone is prepaid because with a plan i end up with hundreds of unused minutes
-sometimes im rude to someone and it feels so good
-ill drive to a party, park my car on the street, watch ppl entering the party, then restart my car and drive home


----------



## viscera eyes

sooo, this is my first post. xD anywayyy.

back in school, when i had to use the bathroom, i'd wait it out until i got home because i was too scared to ask.
i'd hide out in the bathroom during free periods. inside the stalls. xD whenever i heard someone walk in, i'd stand on top of the toilet so i wouldn't be noticed.
i'd also ditch class and hide in the bathroom stalls when we had to do presentations. i'd also fake sick.
i had a tendency to skip lunch and hide. 
when i was little, i was always scared of talking on the phone. if i had to call someone, i'd ask "who is this?" first, because i was worried it would be the wrong person.
when i walk out in public, i grab hold of my arms. a few times i've ended up digging my nails into them. D: it really hurt xD
i don't eat out.
i tend to do my shopping online, or have my mom pick up clothes for me.
i always wear a jacket during the rare occasions that i leave my home - even in the spring and summer.
i'd make up tons of excuses to avoid gym


----------



## Lady Bree

The weirdest thing I've done is when I had an attack over going to work. I got in the car, drove towards work, drove past work, drove all the way to Austin, TX (and I live just north of Oklahoma City, OK). Basically 7 hours away. Yeah... that was a fun time trying to explain (or not really explain) to my parents why I did that. : X


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## ninka




----------



## kiwismile

I just realized that any time someone I don't know knocks on the front door, I _run_ and hide in either my grandmother's room or the bathroom.


----------



## Georgina 22

xtina said:


> when i was younger i'd wear long sleeves no matter what, even in 115-degree weather.
> i still do this, though not to the point where i'm risking heat stroke. i have rail thin arms and a long torso so i tend to hide behind loose fitting sweaters/sweatshirts.


I also have very thin arms, specially for a 23 year old. In the summer, I never went out without my hoodie on, it hides my whole top half of my body because I am thin. The hoodie makes me look abit more bigger. I could however roll my sleeves up, whether I was showing thin arms or not. That way I don't look that weird to be covered up in a hoodie in hot weather because I am at least showing my arms.

Before I used to wear a coat! and that was really strange. But now I've changed it to a hoodie, it's much better than a coat! lol


----------



## AnxiousIaM

I didn't ask high school teachers for college recommendations.


----------



## AnxiousIaM

Georgina 22 said:


> I also have very thin arms, specially for a 23 year old. In the summer, I never went out without my hoodie on, it hides my whole top half of my body because I am thin. The hoodie makes me look abit more bigger. I could however roll my sleeves up, whether I was showing thin arms or not. That way I don't look that weird to be covered up in a hoodie in hot weather because I am at least showing my arms.
> 
> Before I used to wear a coat! and that was really strange. But now I've changed it to a hoodie, it's much better than a coat! lol


Whoa, it's rare to find a woman who hates that her arms are thin!


----------



## origami potato

kiwismile said:


> I just realized that any time someone I don't know knocks on the front door, I _run_ and hide in either my grandmother's room or the bathroom.


I did this the other day when the maintenance guys showed up. :|

Same when the UPS guys come too.. I'll let them leave the package outside the door or at the office.


----------



## eclectic melotic

Even when I'm Actually "0nline" 0n Fb00k, i put my status "0ffline"


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## laurafreak

Oh god this thread brings back bad memories. But it's kind of nice to know, when I thought I was alone in this, there were other people out there going through the same thing.

My S.A. started to hit me in middle school. I would:

- Like everyone else, skip lunch and go sit in the library. I would be STARVING but I was too anxious to eat in front of people and had no one to sit with. The few times the library was closed just killed me. Usually I would just leave school. Although I remember once in my first year of h.s. it was closed but the librarian let me come in anyway. She had no idea how much she saved me that day.

- I'd fake sick all the time so I didn't have to go to school. I missed so much h.s., I'm surprised they didn't fail me.

- Even if I had to go to the potty real bad, I would NEVER dare raising my hand to go. I would hold it all day long. 

- I would fake notes in gym, saying my asthma bothered me or I just my leg or something so I didn't have to participate. I usually got a legit note about asthma so I could just go to the library, but until I got the real note I would write fake ones or just sit out.

- Once on the school bus I was sitting on the inside of the seat, closest to the window. This loud obnoxious girl was on the outside of the seat, standing and playing around with her friends. When my stop came I couldn't ask her to move so I missed my stop and got off on another one and had to walk twice as far.

- In my first year of college even if I was starving I would avoid the cafeteria at certain times just because it would be crowded. 

- I used IRC a lot, I was pretty much on it all day and the people I chatted with were my only friends, but I would pretend I had real life friends. 

- After a party for my grandparents 50th anniversary everyone went back to my aunts house for the rest of the afternoon. I faked sleeping on a corner of the couch so no one would bother me. It was so uncomfortable and boring. It was the worst 3 hour "nap" of my life.

- In my first year of h.s. I wanted to get a job so bad. My parents were poor and I always hated not having anything. I wanted to apply at the library so bad but I never had the guts to go in there.

- We didn't have lockers at my first h.s. and we had to carry our coats around with us. I was always too shy to take it off and I would sit all day in it even if it was insanely hot.

- This one is really embarassing. In the 7th grade my mom finally got me my first bra. Only probably was, she only got me ONE and after awhile it started to fall apart and get holes. But I was too scared to ask her for a new one. So I kept wearing it until one day I had to go to the doctors where they would check my back for scoliosis. Since I was going to have to lift up my shirt, I didn't wear my holey bra and my mom yelled at me for not wearing one and then I finally told her I needed more.

There's so much more. So much more  I'm so glad then even though I still have S.A., I don't suffer through a lot of those same things anymore.


----------



## sandman99

On my first day at a new school in a new city (and country) I was in a constant state of near-panic. I had to take the bus home but I had no idea which bus I had to take, and I was too scared to ask anyone.

On the way to the bus stop this girl from my class walked with me and asked me about my old school, etc., and she was nice enough to show me which bus was mine. As it turns out, she was wrong, and I rode the bus all the way to the last stop at the _other_ end of town, too terrified to tell anyone what was happening.

So I was completely lost in a new city, had no cellphone and no idea what to do now. In the end the manager of a petrol station saw me walking by looking miserable (maybe I cried a little) and he ended up giving me a lift home.

By the time I got home in the evening the whole school staff was on high alert and looking for me all over because my parents panicked and phoned the school when I didn't arrive on the bus.

The next day at school the teacher told my class about my little adventure and I nearly died. Everyone kept asking why I didn't just ask the bus driver where he was going, and I just kept quiet and blushed furiously.

Needless to say, making friends at my new school was pretty difficult after that.


----------



## Eyes Wide Terrified

I also have the prepaid cellphone, it starts to make me jealous of all the nice phones people have at school, but then I realize I would never use it.

I belong to a gym, but I always have to time my schedule so that I'll go when there is no employee there.

While I'm not really sure this is a bad thing, I have not made a facebook because I'm scared of people realizing how few friends I really have.

I wear flashy band shirts to try and be "cool", but then cover them up with a hoodie once I get to school since I like bands nobody has heard of, and don't want to have to talk about them.

I always turn red when I have to answer a question in class, since I think about how quiet and out of place my voice must sound.

It was a great day when the library put in self checkout stations, as I always hated and avoided going up to the desk. :b

At the few sleep overs i went to in elementary school, I would always wake up first but would be afraid of talking to the parents or whatever, and would pretend to be asleep until someone else woke up.

Is it weird for me to be laughing at the stuff i do on a daily basis?


----------



## My911GT2993

Check this out - I got an A for my mock English exams, then on the day of the real exam I skyved off so I got nothing, I also skyved off all other GCSEs too.
The exams are held inside a sports hall with 100+ students inside.


----------



## ayama

I would rather walk to the next isle in the store and come all the way around than saying "excuse me" and getting past somebody.

I am scared of making phone calls, because I can't see the other person and also I never call anybody, because I am afraid I would interrupt them from doing something.

I hate crossing street when there are cars waiting for a green light - I am paranoid that all the people sitting in cars are judging me.

I talk to my cat a lot.

I hate buying clothes and if I ever buy something, I never try it on in the store, I always try it at home.

Never eat in public - I am afraid people would judge the way I eat, how much I eat....

I don't like people standing behind me in lines - I think they judge how my hair looks on the back of my head etc.

I am having imaginary conversations in my head, because I really don't have anybody to talk to in real life.

I feel embarrassed about buying high calorie foods or foods with lots of carbs, so I never eat those.

I don't throw out trash in the dumpster in my building, but always take it out somewhere else. I am afraid somebody would go through my trash and saw what I did, ate etc. I always rip to really small pieces any envelopes, letters or anything that has my name on it.

I never use shared computers. I would rather stop using internet. The fact that nobody really has much privacy on the internet (even when not sharing the comp with others) really scares me.

I am embarrassed about my accent (not a native English speaker) therefore don't talk much.

And many more... The strange thing is, I was OK during my school years. I got SA much later in my life.


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## ayama

sometimes, I take sleeping pills and go to sleep at 6 or 7pm, because I am depressed about being alone and I can't stand myself anymore.


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## rcapo89

ayama said:


> sometimes, I take sleeping pills and go to sleep at 6 or 7pm, because I am depressed about being alone and I can't stand myself anymore.


I hope your not thinking of hurting yourself?


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## ayama

No, I don't want to hurt myself. I just want to go to sleep and hope that the next day is going to be different, that something magical will happen and suddenly I am going to be a person whom people like and want to be around. But that will never happen like that. I know I have to work hard on that and I have been trying, and I am tired.


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## Lex Love

At Secondary/High School I use to avoid eating lunch so that I didnt have to go into the canteen and eat with all the other kids. When I first started I use to go into the canteen all the time but there were a few incidents which put me off from going in there, for example I sat at the table where all the teachers sat and evertyone was probably thinking "what a geek". One of the teachers even told me to go and sit at another table, which made me realise what was going on and put me off form going in there again. Also I apparently use to blink alot and constantly twist my body from side to side and constantly kept looking over my shoulder. Everyone in the school including the teachers just thought I was weird and when people pointed this out to me I was shocked, but then everything made sense as to why no one wanted to be my friend. I didnt even realise I was doing it, the only thing I know was I felt Ridiculously uncomfortable when ever I was in the canteen or in General. I didnt even eat lunch i the toilet because to get lunch I would have to go into the canteen! When I think back to these times it was so horrible and it kind a typecastes you as long as you associate with anyone who went to the same high school as you. I think this all stems from where my mum moved me to another lower school prematurely because me and my best friend wernt getting along. All I know is that when I was in my first lower school I was happy, I was one of the cool kids in my school and I wasnt shy (at least from what I can remember lol), but since moving from that school I think I became quite shy because of having to meet new friends and feeling alone. I moved lower schools when we only had 1 year left til we went to high school. Most kids already had established friendships by then so I felt like I had to go out of my way to fit in with the other kids.

This avoidence of canteens also happened at University and Sixth form, and at work although I go into the canteen and eat now and again I would generally avoid it if possible. Saying that I love going to restraunts and eating now.


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## kiwismile

ayama said:


> I would rather walk to the next isle in the store and come all the way around than saying "excuse me" and getting past somebody.


Me too. ​


ayama said:


> I am scared of making phone calls, because I can't see the other person and also I never call anybody, because I am afraid I would interrupt them from doing something.


I used to be really awful with phones; when I was little, talking to someone over the phone was painful for me, and I only did it when one of my parents made me. I've long gotten over that, but I still get nervous about calling people and disturbing them. I'm always convinced I'm calling at the wrong time.:time​


ayama said:


> I don't like people standing behind me in lines - I think they judge how my hair looks on the back of my head etc.


Lines make me really anxious, but only when I'm by myself. I always feel like the other people in line are judging me and thinking all sorts of negative things. ​A couple other things I realized today:

I use windows to see reflections of other people. That way, I can watch them without their knowing, because it just looks like I'm staring out the window. 
Whenever I'm walking somewhere and a bus passes me, I let my hair fall over my face and keep my eyes on the ground. I'm scared someone on the bus will recognize me (even though I only know a couple people here).:hide​


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## GrimedMechanic86

Man there were several times when I avoided picking up the phone. I just do not like talking with poeple.


----------



## Frankie_Lee

Lady Bree said:


> The weirdest thing I've done is when I had an attack over going to work. I got in the car, drove towards work, drove past work, drove all the way to Austin, TX (and I live just north of Oklahoma City, OK). Basically 7 hours away. Yeah... that was a fun time trying to explain (or not really explain) to my parents why I did that. : X


hehe that sounds like something I would do.


----------



## andeep3

hehe. I wish i had a car. if i had i wish i knew how to drive it. i am scared of taking driving lessons 'coz there would be an actual person involved in the whole process.


----------



## Darkhadia

I avoid phone calls like the plague. Don't answer a phone unless it's my mum or unless I was expecting the call.

One thing I did once, went to stay with a guy for a few days and cos the bathroom was a shared bathroom I didn't go for about 3 days


----------



## secretlyshecries

I think I've posted in this thread before about how when I don't go do my volunteer work on account of a panic attack, I instead go down the road where there's this sort of semi-isolated trail and around it there's all these trees and bushes and everything. People walk past on the path every now and then but when you go up this sort of hill and in where all the sort of bushland is, no one can see you. Well I've been going there whenever I skip volunteering. I feel like I can't just go home because my sister is there at the moment and would question why I was back. She doesn't know about my SA so I stay in said area down the road for a few hours until it's been long enough. During this time I've been writing, taking photos... the last few times I've even gone to sleep (yeah, pretty sure I posted about this but anyway :teeth). Today I went out there rather than volunteering and because I'd only had a little over five hours sleep, I slept out there under the trees for maybe over an hour. I feel so strange doing it. It's almost like I'm homeless or something, lol. It's amazing how easily I can sleep out there though. I never used to be able to go to sleep in public areas. I think it's the fact that I'm fairly certain no one would stumble across me there that allows me to relax enough to sleep. I must look so pathetic lying there on the ground using my bag as a pillow.. ahh.


----------



## Genelle

I would never take food to school because I hated eating in front of people.. Everyone though I was anorexic then, even though I ate a lot.

When I first went to my new school I used to sit in the toilets, on a toilet, for the whole of recess/lunch time, just so I wouldn't be seen walking around awkwardly alone.

I used to make excuses to sit out during sports in school too, I never did it, I used to write lines instead.. But anything was better than changing and running around being awkward in team sports.

I faked sick a LOT during school and the part time that I worked. Especially if there was a function on at my work, if I knew it was going to be busy, I'd literally feel sick and keep disappearing so I wouldn't have to do anything.

And once there was nobody else working at my work, so I texted my friend, and I was freaking out because if the phone rang, I'd HAVE to answer it.. And it did ring, and I screwed up the line you say when you answer, and went to get someone else to take the call.. All to find out it was my 'friends' pranking me. Ergh.


----------



## daxio

I would never take food to school because I hated eating in front of people by Genelle . Yeah, me too 

I don't talk with other people, only when I must or when they started talk to me, I'm trying to answer them as short as it's possible.

I'm spending all days behing computer, I don't go outside, nothing to do @ my small village ( around 18,000 people ).

I'm really shy, I want talk to girl but I can't, I feel really uncomfortable near her, too shy to start talk, or even if some other girl will start, I'm just too shy to discuss.

I feel really uncomfortable in places with alot of people, I think everyone is looking @ me all times, even if I go to school or somewhere.


Well, sorry for my bad english, I don't know if the stuff I posted is about it or I should change thread/topic or section, but friend what I met online sent me link to that forum to post something there of that he knows that I'm antisocial.


----------



## secretlyshecries

> I feel really uncomfortable in places with alot of people, I think everyone is looking @ me all times


Same. I think my discomfort makes it even worse because then people DO look at me. :afr


----------



## VIncymon

laurafreak said:


> - This one is really embarassing. In the 7th grade my mom finally got me my first bra. Only probably was, she only got me ONE and after awhile it started to fall apart and get holes. But I was too scared to ask her for a new one. So I kept wearing it until one day *I had to go to the doctors where they would check my back for scoliosis. Since I was going to have to lift up my shirt, I didn't wear my holey bra and my mom yelled at me for not wearing one and then I finally told her I needed more.*
> 
> There's so much more. So much more  I'm so glad then even though I still have S.A., I don't suffer through a lot of those same things anymore.


Permit me if I may, but we're all SAer's and clumsy in our own way. Surely you can see the funny side to this /\ story now right ? I know it must have felt terrible at the time, but surely, when you read it now, doesn't a smirk come to your face ?


----------



## laurafreak

VIncymon said:


> Permit me if I may, but we're all SAer's and clumsy in our own way. Surely you can see the funny side to this /\ story now right ? I know it must have felt terrible at the time, but surely, when you read it now, doesn't a smirk come to your face ?


Yeah, some of the stupid things I went through because I was too afraid to say a few words was just crazy. I'm lucky now that I've grown up alot since then and have a bit more confidence in myself and don't have to go through as many silly things! There are so many things I look back on and just shake my head in both disgust and laughter at the same time.


----------



## My911GT2993

Listen to Philip Glass :lol


----------



## Amanda123

I purposely get up late for school so I don't have to be early and supply conversation to people, even though my mom yells at me for it. I call home early all the time to get out of my last period class, where I don't have any friends to talk to.. i've called home so much and missed class that they're sending home letters to my mom. >.< I purposely walk fast to my classes so I don't end up being the last person to walk into a room full with people. I cancel my plans with my friends so there is no chance of me being humiliated.. thanks to that I don't have close connections to anyone anymore.. I've faked sleeping at a friends house one time because I felt I was being boring anyways and she had her boyfriend over.. worst hour nap I've had. Also whenever my brother's friends used to come over I stayed in my room untill they left.. which was usually hours.


----------



## LooknUpnCali

My high school was small, mostly white kids, with us being the minorties, hispanics. So i was picked on, talked about and shunned becuz of my skin color by most of the white kids. The 'LUCKY" break i saw, was when my older cousin was picked to play on the varsity team. that lucky break was alcohol. I rose from being a nobody to a somebody. I was the supplier of all the beer kegs and all the liquor for all the parties that were thrown for those "friends" enabling for me to b at the best private parties and the biggest ones, however till this day i only remember 1 party out of my 4 years. And i made money, however once daybreak came the next day at school. I was that NOBODY. Back to the same ole routine of being a loner. People say why u sad? you got paid very well. I look at them and say id rather have friends than money.


----------



## Brandeezy

I forgot about this one but when I went to go visit a friend of mine at his University he wanted me to go to a house party with him and a couple of his friends. I was scared to death but I didn't show it until we got to the house. There were people hanging outside the house talking while music was blaring and when I walked in it was packed like crazy, plus the lights were off. I stayed in there for about 5 mins when I walked out because I couldn't take it anymore. My phone didn't work, I didn't know anyone at the party besides my friend, plus I was too scared to go back in the house and look for him because I wanted to leave so I waited outside the house and acted like I was talking to someone on the phone for about a hour and a half until he got out. People most of thought I was crazy standing in the same spot for a hour and a half.


----------



## Not So Nervous Nelly

Restless Mind said:


> Sometimes I'd feel left out with a group of friends, so I would just get up and leave for home without telling them. I'm sure that made me look much weirder.


 I did that too especially if I was first one to leave. I also felt bad about being the first one to leave because I thought people would think I was shy. My wierd behavior was that I would cry every time I really got nervous then I would feel bad for crying making it worse. It was a way to release the anxiety but it made thing look worse that it really was.


----------



## Kam2010

In high school I did a lot of "hiding"...I had depression but didn't know it, which made me extremely tired and I slept a lot in my free time. I think sleeping was an escape for me. 

In college, I used headphones A LOT to avoid having to talk to people. I pretended to be really busy, or incredibly engrossed in a textbook. 

I always walked the back ways to my classes, and even adjusted my class schedules based on having a route that wasn't a known hang out area around campus. 
When I would be in very social settings, I chain smoked...For some reason having a cigarette gave me something to "do" while I was in a social setting, and looking back, I'm sure the nicotine calmed my nerves too.


----------



## Marie19

I skipped school last Valentine's day and told my mother I had my period and was out of *supplies* so had no choice but to stay home but in reality I din't want to see everyone walking arolund with heart balloons and noticing I was lonely.

Whenever I get asked out, I tell the guy I am already seeing someone(lie) even if I am secretly desiring to be with them. 

When I missed the bus, I walked all the way home from school because I was too afraid to ask the principal to use the front office phone. The walk was over 3 hours. 

I failed a lot of my classes in high school because I was too afraid to to present any projects which were major grades. Gahh I had to work extra hard to get A's on every thing else but still, i was unable to graduate with my class like I wanted to.


----------



## Moody99

A classmate from my old hs invited me to a party from my facebook, i had 2 invites one last summer of '09 and an invite a week ago. I backed out of the party cause i figure i'm not a social person,i wouldn't have a good time i would feel just there looking and feeling weird with people who wasn't really my friends just peers who i went to school with ... I made an excuse and said i didn't have no money my hair is not done...the other invite i wrote on there wall and told them i couldn't make it...now they probably will never send invites too me...i had my reasons for not going.


----------



## My911GT2993

Check this out - I literally pissed myself at my first day in a new school because I was scared to put my hand up.....Ahhhh, the joys of social anxiety, so much fun...


----------



## Shystah

I hid in bushes when the school bus came. I also held my urine for the entire school day. I drank very little fluids.


----------



## SOME

Last friday I wanted a ride home since it was raining. I ened up walking a mile soaking wet because I was afriad to use the office phone and talk around the staff. It was pretty dangerous I had to cross a freeway entrance to get across the cars with foged windows.


----------



## dejablue

I went to an art opening for my friend, and when I got there he was standing outside the gallery talking to a group of people. I was so scared to approach them that I just left. 

I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding and declined to make a toast.


----------



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

I used to live with three buddies, one day I stayed in my room all day with the door locked when they thought I was out at college. I felt like gollum:no.


----------



## tutliputli

I didn't eat my lunch at work the other day because a guy I have a bit of a crush on was in the canteen and I didn't want to eat in front of him. :/


----------



## odd_one_out

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin said:


> I felt like gollum:no.


So _that's_ what that feeling is. :idea


----------



## heyJude

Whenever I'm out and about, I ditch my glasses (I'm nearsighted) so I don't have to see strangers looking at me.


----------



## secretlyshecries

I'm pretty sure I have various dental work that needs to be done but I'm too scared to do anything about it. Plus I don't have much money through being unemployed and I feel like my mum-- who already had to help pay for my sister's braces-- would yell at me and blame me for it (not to mention tell me off for not doing anything sooner).


----------



## odd_one_out

As a postgrad, I once attended a party with my ex. One of my ex's friends was drunk and somehow decided she wanted to mother and hug me.

I allowed her to hold me while we lay down together on a sofa because I thought it a good way to escape socialising. After a while, when we were half asleep, she started rubbing against me occasionally in front of everyone. Her boyfriend kept glaring at her. My SA was triggered and I did not know how to make a subtle escape, so just pretended to be asleep. Embarrassing.


----------



## ShyRon

I never went to the lunch room the whole time I was in high-school. I finally saw it years later while visiting.


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## Saekon

Quote: Originally Posted by *Pinion* 
_In high school I skipped lunch completely and went to the school library instead. _



silentbutdeadly said:


> that what i did to


Same. I'd quickly find a book, and start reading it, not lifting my head once until class started.

My house is awfully near my old school, I could walk home from there in about 5 or 10 minutes but even if I did my mum was unemployed so she'd most likely be there, I'd have no way to get in and I wouldn't dare risk being seen by anyone or having my parents find out I was skipping school.


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## thewall

When my parents have people over I go through my window to leave the house.


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## citizen_erased

About a week ago i'd just had my hair done at the hairdressers and when i got out of the chair, a member of staff went to get my coat which they'd taken t was and hung up for me when i arrived. I put it on and went and sat on the sofa by the door to write them a cheque for my hair. It was only then that something made me realise that the coat which i was wearing wasn't actually mine!!  - i happened to notice the label which told me it was about 2 sizes too big for me and that this coat had a belt whereas mine was double breasted - it did share some similarities with my coat (both black, similar length and material) but clearly i wasn't paying attention when i took it and put it on. :blush So i instantly started panicking - i was terrified that whomever the other coat belonged to would suddenly realise i was holding her coat and say something, or worse still shout. :afr I felt a wave of dread sweep over me as i knew i had to approach a member of staff to admit my mistake and get _my_ coat back. It took me a good couple of minutes to pluck up the courage as i felt like everyone was looking at me and would laugh at me :afr


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## citizenerased1987

thewall said:


> When my parents have people over I go through my window to leave the house.


Haha, i did this once


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## nothing to fear

i just remembered this the other day - in class when we have to take notes, i purposely make mine even messier than usual so that people near me can't make out what it says and potentially judge me on what i wrote down. my writing is already borderline illegible... so its _really _bad when i purposely mess it up and sometimes i can't even read some of it later on. :|


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## mesientosola

I've gone to the movies alone more than I've gone with other people in recent years.

I went to Borders on a Friday night to read magazines, just so my roommate and her fiance wouldn't think I was a freak for not going anywhere or doing anything with people on a Friday night. Then, when she asked me where I went, I lied and said I met some friends at a social gathering at our school.

I lied to my Dad on the phone when he asked me what I was doing for fun this weekend and said that I was going to go to the movies with some people; in reality, I didn't do anything with anyone.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

I get so hot I feel like a patio heater, I could actually see drunk people gathering around me for warmth when I was out in the smoking area tonight:| No joke.FML


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## huh

At work I'll often take really weird routes through the building to avoid certain people.

At my apartment complex, if I hear people in the hall I'll wait till I hear them leave before leaving...even if it means waiting 5 minutes or so.


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## lonelygirl88

here is something weird...it is saturday night and i am here...thats weird thing i do b/c of sa.


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## stina

I was going to apply to do Law (probably would have gotten in too) but chickened out because I heard that the classes were pretty small and that they often held mock trials.

 totally regret it now.


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## Saekon

Had to cross a road to get picked up. Didn't want to walk out in the open surrounded by a ton of people, so I walked around and crossed from the other side, essentially quadrupling the distance I had to walk... I have a things with walking in front of cars while there are a lot of people watching, like I could somehow mess up crossing the road. Maybe get run over cause I wasn't looking and then there'll be a news article saying how "An idiot crossed the road without looking and got run over.".


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## mechuga

My parents had a cleaning lady for like a month one summer and I would pretend to be asleep until she left, even though she stayed until like two. When I was a hs freshman I skipped an entire week oof a class because I had to give a three minute oral report. For half of my junior year of high school I went to the library instead of eating lunch (one teacher thought I was anorexic because of it!). If there was a class using the library, I would just walk around the school, which is saying something because my high school was tiny. I also got to school literally a minute before classes started so I didn't have to worry about killing time beforehand. When I was walking around my neighborhood I always wanted to avoid these kids I was friends with before my SA got too bad so I would walk around the block instead of walking past their house. I also had several routes while walking home from school in case there were a lot of people outside.

Haha wow that's a lot


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## Emz94

I have a habit of avoiding people in the hall. If I see someone I'm even remotely close to walking down the hall in my direction I get nervous and I walk away in the opposite direction to avoid them, even if that means going in the opposite direction of my next class.


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## Georgina 22

I have avoided my sister's fiance all weekend LOL. I have come downstairs but then if he comes down I finish up what I am doing and go back up to my room. I don't like being in the same room as him. My social anxiety can be really bad with my sister's fiance if I haven't seen him in a while (he's home from uni, as well as my sister for the weekend) 
Tonight. He's staying, but before he came here, he had his dinner at hishouse. So when my mum, dad, sister and I were in the dining room eating dinner. He was upstairs in my sister's room. I eat dinner at the table with my family, but i was abit worried he'd come down and sit at the table because he's bored upstairs or something,
When we finished the meal, he came down so that he could have the dessert with us. That means I would have to sit at the table with him and my family. So instead I went into the lounge, and watched TV. When my dad came in and asked me if i wanted some dessert, I pretended I didn't want any because my sore throat was playing up to much to eat (I do have a sore throat today, its not a lie) but really I would've wanted some desert even if i do have a sore throat. But I was avoiding having to sit at the table specially with him. I wouldn't want him to wonder why I ain't talking and stuff and watching me eat so it's best to avoid and pretend I didn't want some because of my throat LOL

Sometimes I can show myself, if I have seen him a few times. But if I haven't seen him since christmas or several weeks because he's been at uni and then suddenly he wants to come back to visit his family and see my sister and comes to stay over, I am a nervous wreck and just can't bring myself to show myself.


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## Georgina 22

At secondary school on the days/day I used to have a certain subject, mostly it was Technology (I didn't like the practial work we used to have to do, like woodwork, textiles etc and I felt uncomfortable around the people in that class and some of the guys used to be mean to me) 

I used to go to the matron's office and pretend I wasn't feeling very well, she used to call home and tell my mum I was sick and then I will be coming home. So then I used to go home. The lesson used to be like the last lesson of the day for 2 hours or so, so I wasn't skipping the whole of school really. 

Sometimes I would show myself in that class. But it was ackward because I sometimes didn't know what I was supposed to be doing for the lesson because I missed the last one and the people used to look at me, wondering where I was last time.


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## BreakingtheGirl

avoid people

cross the street even if it is someone I know and like, I hope the dont notice me

avoid the phone unless I really want to talk

pretend I am sick so friends dont bother me to go out

procrastinate like I am doing right now

deleting posts here 
deleting photos here...

which sucks because I want to join in things and then I sometimes regret it and think people will laugh at me


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## Darkhadia

When I was at school I hated that everyone was happy and talking so instead of having to sit in a room full of happy chatty people I used to walk around the school for the whole of the lunch hour. Then so people wouldn't ask me where i'd gone or what i'd been doing, I used to buy something from the vending machine, even though usually I didn't want it! Those days I wouldn't have enough money to buy something from there were hell because I wouldn't have an excuse for walking round the school so i'd be forced to sit in the room surrounded by people yet completely alone...


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## Setolac

Darkhadia said:


> When I was at school I hated that everyone was happy and talking so instead of having to sit in a room full of happy chatty people I used to walk around the school for the whole of the lunch hour. Then so people wouldn't ask me where i'd gone or what i'd been doing, I used to buy something from the vending machine, even though usually I didn't want it! Those days I wouldn't have enough money to buy something from there were hell because I wouldn't have an excuse for walking round the school so i'd be forced to sit in the room surrounded by people yet completely alone...


The part where we have to sit alone in the midst of happy people who are chatting never fails to depress me. The worst part of it is how it's hard for me to relate with these people and even though I really want to join in, I can't cause I have nothing to say most of the time. :blank


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## Darkhadia

Setolac said:


> The part where we have to sit alone in the midst of happy people who are chatting never fails to depress me. The worst part of it is how it's hard for me to relate with these people and even though I really want to join in, I can't cause I have nothing to say most of the time. :blank


It's the one thing i've worked the hardest on and it does get better  It's a struggle and there are some days where I can't talk to people around me but i'm slowly working on improving it :boogie


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## Darren07

Nearly dropped out of college because the anxiety was getting unbearable in my classes. Its also pretty depressing being so alone in such a big school (45,000+ students). Luckily I took the advice of my counselor and just withdrew for the semester.

Also, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who pretends to text in anxiety-provoking situations, lol.
Surprisingly I know some non-SA ppl who do the same thing!


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## StickyFingers

-I skip classes I know I'll have to speak up in.
-I cross the street so I don't have to walk by people.
-I wear headphones with nothing playing so people will avoid talking to me.
-I skip meals so I don't have to eat in front of people.
-I skipped out on an opportunity to apply for extra college credit because I couldn't get up the nerve to talk to my school consular. 
-I pathologically avoid going to extra classes (CPR, Horse Back Riding, Scuba Diving, etc.) even if I need it for something and will, down the line, be miserable without it, because of the two panic attacks I had when I did try.
-I can't order coffee because I keep thinking of them all waiting impatiently for me to choose.
-And I can't talk about it with anybody because I don't have any friends.
There's more, but it's to long as it is so I'll stop.


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## serolf

I don't like cooking if my roommate is nearby. I'm a lousy cook and I don't want to take forever or have it end up being awful and having him notice.

I will often stick around to the end of some event because I don't want to leave early and say an awkward goodbye to everyone.

I'll pretend to watch the TV at a restaurant instead of having a conversation because I don't feel like talking to the others.


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## ashyballs

i dress like bum 95%, because im afraid of what people will say when im trying to look nice
id rather make them think i dont care about how i look


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## SolInvictus

I have to audibly tell myself to "stop," "relax," or "calm down" when I'm alone and my mind is racing with negativity and memories of embarrassment.


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## Aphexfan

I have my room mates schedule timed out to wear i have the most minimal contact

If i notice anyone in my classes that I've had a class with before...i avoid them like the plague and will try to sit on the opposite side of the room, they prolly think I hate them :-/

I walk around the campus really going nowhere just so it seems like i have a "social" life so my room mate won't question if I have one or not...


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## Mrwright256

I was so afriad to eat in front of people all through high school I only ate super because breakfast and the bus ride didn't go good together and Lunch was out of the question. I have a weird fear of throwing up in front of people so I don't like eating in front of people


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## Chahta

My SA was bad in grammar and high school. Like in second grade, I was so afraid to ask to go to the bathroom that I peed right there in my little seat. It has gotten worse though. I am a college student but also have to work part time. I was supposed to start a new job tonight as a matter of fact. When I got there, I was so terrified of my co-workers I never even went in. I called my husband to come back and pick me up. I felt soooo stupid but I just could not stand the thoughts of being around new people. I mean, come on, it was just Subway! Really!! I am so ashamed.


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## Squid24

SolInvictus said:


> I have to audibly tell myself to "stop," "relax," or "calm down" when I'm alone and my mind is racing with negativity and memories of embarrassment.


I usually go with "shut up!"


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## brianwarming

I will just name a few.. like in two 

*[Wanting to fit in]*
Sorry to say I don't get outside my door alot, meaning my skin is vampire white. Sooo.. in the summer time I use this little mental trick to make it *easier *for me to get out the door; take 20 push-ups, very quickly micro peek in the mirror, see that I'm now "tanned" like the rest and leave the building. lol

*[Avoiding public transportation]*
Once I walked almost 3 miles in a heavy snowstorm to buy my brother a very specific present for Christmas. It was cold as H*** !! My forehead and fingers were numb most of the time and I seeked shelter on the route several times when the pain was too much. *Everyone *else was in their cars or on the busses that I *could* have been on too.


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## ratbag

Today I walked around a small pawn shop 50 times pretending to look at things because this non-guitar player insisted on slowly tuning a guitar that I was considering buying. Even so, I managed to spend a good 10 minutes awkwardly standing around while he failed at tuning the guitar.


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## FitchForce

I don't do weird things nowdays, but in high school... when giong to my next class I would go outside to walk around to the other doors so that I didn't have to go through the hallway where everyone else was. 

There was a few semesters when I went with people to the Dairy Queen that was by my High School. I remember I didn't have lunch the same time as them, so I would drive down by myself and come back and just park and eat alone.


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## macaw

I scratch my hands and dig my nails into my fingers/palms when talking to someone I don't know well/don't trust, or when I'm feeling tense for other reasons. Not anywhere near enough for bleeding, but enough to leave little "smiley mouths" on me, which I then worry about.


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## umieraj

brianwarming said:


> I will just name a few.. like in two
> 
> *[Wanting to fit in]*
> Sorry to say I don't get outside my door alot, meaning my skin is vampire white. Sooo.. in the summer time I use this little mental trick to make it *easier *for me to get out the door; take 20 push-ups, very quickly micro peek in the mirror, see that I'm now "tanned" like the rest and leave the building. lol


lol Actually, that's a pretty clever idea. I don't see what's wrong with being so pale though. I think it's much more beautiful than tanned skin.


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## im Lost

hiding in the bathroom in middle school & high school cuzz i was somewhat a loner! being quiet all the time around peers. not acing myself.


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## i wanna be invisible

friendlychick26 said:


> Wow! I thought I was the only one who did wierd things.When I started reading these responses i realised i'm just like everyone who suffers with social anxiety.I'm going to share what i've done over the years.In grade ten after arriving at school i went to the Arts and Culture center which was next to the school, and waited in the bathroom until it was time to go to class.I did that so i wouldn't have to talk to anybody untill the door opened.Then there was a time dinnertime when i had to stay in for dinner that i walked in a blizzard from school to a macdonald's restaurant to call my grandfather to come pick me up because school was out for the day and That was a huge lie.I lied so many times because of SA and i'm not proud of it.I kept on walking around the same streets outside of school during dinnertime until it was time to go back to the classroom.I'm sure i looked like a stalker or someone to be very suspicious about.When i had free periods at school I spent them in the bathroom.One time i stayed on my back bridge untill the school bus drove by and then i told my mom that i missed the bus.


omg this is like i wrote it, i did all the same things :um


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## Mariee

The weird things I do are mainly centered around me "escaping" whatever situation I'm in. I usually just excuse myself to the restroom where I try to calm myself down. I just don't want to be somewhere where people can see me freak out. While in theory this isn't bad, when you excuse yourself to the restroom over and over and over again people get confused, haha. 

This was especially prevalent when my family threw me a graduation dinner and I left the table around 5 times for various reasons and eventually took some medicine in the bathroom to where I was feeling really out of it when I got home.


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## purplefruit

I have so many stories lol :bash

In middle school I'd go home "sick" whenever I was feeling nervous.

In high school, a girl (I didn't think she even liked me) invited me to her birthday party. I went to her house which was down the street from me. It turned out to be a _real _basement party! With music and dancing and stuff. There were so many popular, cool kids there. I sat in the back room for a while watching everyone dance and have fun. After a few hours, refreshments were served. I quietly slipped out and walked home after that.

And of course there was the dreaded group work, and gym classes. There were so many times where the teacher would call out "partners everybody" and there would be an uneven amount of people in the class, and of course I got left out. Sometimes I had to join and make a group of 3 (in which I felt like the 3rd wheel), but other times I'd just sit/stand there awkwardly and wait for the activity to end.

I started taking an Epidemiology class in university and I dropped it after 2 or 3 classes because I didn't find a partner for the research project. I could have asked around to see if anyone else was alone, but I didn't.

I took a coaching class and failed because the final project was to coach a sports team, and of course I wasn't doing that. I could have done the project with a partner but I wasn't doing that either.

I bought a gym membership for $50 a month back in September. I went once, a few days after I bought the membership. The trainer showed me how to use the treadmill, and a few of the weight machines. After that I did maybe 15 minutes on the bike at a really low speed, because I'm really unfit and don't like people to see how quickly I get tired because it's embarrassing. Then I wanted to try the weight machines but they were too hard to figure out. I wandered aimlessly around the machines for a while and got in the way of people trying to use them. I hightailed it outta there. Never went back again. And I JUST cancelled my membership about a week ago because I was so scared to call.


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## Northern Lights

My workmate who shares an office with me is resposible for the distribution of mail at our department. And when she's not on the premises I have to fill in for her - which I dread! I just can't bring myself to walk from office to office to hand in the mail. So I usually wait until rather late in the evening and when most of my colleagues have gone home I will do my round to secretly place the mail on their desks. :sus

I also avoid going to the office kitchen. There always seem to be some colleagues gathered at the coffee machine. So, no matter how thirsty I am, I wait until late in the evening before I go upstairs to fetch a bottle of water. :no


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## Crystallize

Yeah, I always hated group work because I didn't know anyone and so I was usually alone and wouldn't do the work. One time in my zoology class we were doing partner work on habitats of different animals and we had to make a huge poster to put up in the classroom but my partner never came to school so it was just me. I'm not very creative and I had no idea of what to do so I started to cut out letters of our habitat and glue them onto the poster and I was almost finished when the teacher announced that we were not supposed to do that. I felt so stupid and it really made me feel bad because it was the only thing I knew to do so I started crying and it was just embarrassing. 

I used to wait on the side of my house until my parents left when I didn't want to go to school. Halfway through the school day I would text my boyfriend and he would come get me. I can't even tell you the last time I actually ate anything at school, it was probably in 8th grade and I'm now graduated. I just hate people knowing what I like to eat for some reason and I hate feeling like people are watching me eat.

I dont eat when my boyfriend has his friends over because I feel stupid and he will get really mad because he knows i'm really hungry but I just say I'm not.

I hate shopping because I feel like when I'm looking at something I think is cute people are looking at me wondering why I like it and that its ugly or something. 

I used to pretend to text people when we got free time in class because I felt stupid just sitting there by myself when everyone else was talking and having fun.


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## Averill

SolInvictus said:


> I have to audibly tell myself to "stop," "relax," or "calm down" when I'm alone and my mind is racing with negativity and memories of embarrassment.


Yeah me too, you probably can releate to this:

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4116.html


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## Mandyy

Well this was only for ninth grade cause before that I was normal, but whenever we had to present our homework/projects, I'd always have them done, but I say I didn't have them and then I'd end up failing. I was too terrified to present.
I'd also ALWAYS show up to school about 5 minutes after the bell rang just to avoid conversation. That drastically brought my grades down and even led to detention. Not to mention my many absences, which didn't help at all.
Lunch was actually easy though. On odd days, I always had to go to my teachers classroom to make up work (since I was absent so much) and on even days I had a big group of friends that always saved me a seat so I just sat with them. But it was hard after a while because people noticed really fast that I wasn't eating at lunch. 
School SUCKS.


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## staringatthesky

Right now, I would often drive back and forth from the university and home just because I have a huge gap between classes. I would often miss eating lunch and hide out in the library next to the windows and TRY to study. 

In the end though, I would just daydream out in space somewhere. hahaha


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## TrueBlue

I mysteriously become 'sick' when I have presentations or group work in classes

If my best friend is gone, sometimes I can't get myself to do things by myself. He's always okay with ordering food for me and other things that makes me anxious. I should probably stop letting him do it for me, so I can start getting better myself. Usually I can do it if I need to, but I tend to not want to lol Usually at least.


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## Kakaka

I turn up late to a lot of my lessons because I hate awkwardly standing around outside. My teachers absolutely hate me for it - bunch of hypocrites, the amount of times they turn up late. 

On the rare occasion when I am early, I'll walk around pointlessly rather than wait outside the class. If I'm more than a couple minutes early I'll walk to the front of my sixth form where there's a road, take out my phone, stand around and pretend that I'm waiting for my driving instructor. :roll


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## i wanna be invisible

Here are some things of my weird list:
-When I was in high school I had just one friend, I was hanging out with her on pauses between classes, and every time when I was with her and I bumped into some of my old ''friends'' from elementary school, I tried to avoid them, or make a distance from my friend, because she was ugly and uncool and I didn't want them to see me with her. I know this is horrible but what can I do 
-in high school I wanted to skip school sometimes but I couldn't cause I'd have to ask other people what lessons have we done in school when I wasn't there
-Now I'm in college and I have no friends, so when we have pauses longer than 30 minutes I always take bus in one direction, and then i get out and go back to college
-Once a girl from my group told me something like 'see ya tomorrow' (althought we've spoken maybe 2 words during whole semester) and I didn't say anything to her because I wasn't sure if she is talking to me. That's so embarrasing
-I smoke, but I always go to hidden places so noone would see me smoking
-I have just two friends, and sometimes I really wanna go out, but I never call them, because I've never done that and they would be surprised if I called them first. So I always wait for them to call me (which is very rear now). I even lost my best friend this way.


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## Jennifer Clayton

WOW I do this stuff all the time. If I am approaching someone I don't want to talk to, I will walk down a different hall, try to speed by quickly, do something else, just to avoid it.

I force myself to hang out with people so people don't think I'm a complete loner freak. I feel like I am lying to them and to myself sometimes. I'll smile when I don't want to, talk when I don't want to.

At the end of the day, it does help me open up more and feel more free. But it always feels so phony and cheezy at first, lol.


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## Jennifer Clayton

TrueBlue said:


> I mysteriously become 'sick' when I have presentations or group work in classes


Hehe I have totally done this a handful of times. =] 'I just started feeling awful on that day'. I feel bad when I let people down who are in my group but I can't help it because I get so horribly nervous.


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## i wanna be invisible

Caswell said:


> You are a small person and you disgust me by every mean that there is. You are not worth a single breath of her. You as a forum user are dead for me, i have never heard something irritating like that in my life.
> I hope I dont get banned for this, but if so, it was worth every single letter. I have my struggles with SA myself but I always stand up for my close friends no matter what. Its a matter of character to me. Period.


And actually I was hanging out with her just because I didn't have anyone else to hang out with, and I'm pretty sure she did the same. I always helped her on tests, but when I ask her to help me she would always say that she doesn't know answer, and next day she would get an A. So I dont really thing she was a CLOSE FRIEND TO ME. Thank you very much, mother Teresa. Goodbye


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## aimi12

i have done many weird things because of social anxiety disorder. when i was in elementary school, and teachers would ask me to deliever a message to another teacher, i wouldnt do it. i also cant get close to people because whenever i become close, i get scared and push them away. i have good friends, but i have never had a boyfriend because i get to scared and push them away. now that i think about it, i cant even talk to guys. i remember when i was little i would always cling to my parents because i was too scared to be alone. i always avoid parties. and i get scared just going to talk to a teacher when i'm in class.


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## Jennifer Clayton

I feel like I avoid parties too. Sounds like a fun idea in theory but it seems so scary in reality, inside my own head. I want a boyfriend desperately, but I have a hard time communicated so I just get more and more frustrated until I give up.

I hate how I want things but SA never, ever, ever fails to screw me over....


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## plastics

Man, after reading some of this, when you think about it, people with SA do some risky stuff! :b. 

I used to only get cookies at lunch, because I was too afraid to go in the line, and get any real food. In grade school, I only ate jelly bread sandwiches, with maybe a little something else, because I don't even know why haha, I think I was afraid to get lunch then too. I used to get made fun off, and teachers used to be concerned.

I have such bad anxiety, that I was/and still am afraid to run away from socially anxious situations, and it actually doesn't help me :roll.

I don't think I raised my hand in school from 5th grade till college because of fear.

When the phone rings, even if I'm right next to it, I will not pick it up. Everyone yells at me.

If someone knocks at the door, I sneak around to see who it is, and I most likely won't answer it. My boyfriend thinks I'm nuts.

In my dorm, I would try not to use the bathroom if the girl who shared my room was there. 

I avoided all my roommates.

I have lied to avoid parties or hanging out with friends.

When I liked people, I couldn't talk to them myself, I was one of those people that had to get a friend to do it. I must of looked like a loser.

I used to pretend to text people, or use my phone before classes, to make it look like I had a life.

I avoid ordering food over the phone.

I would lie to teachers, and say I wasn't done my assignment yet, so I didn't have to answer. Usually didn't work.

One of the things I hated the most was group assignments, and I would try to let the other person do it, and if they weren't that type of person, I would get really anxious, and just start making stuff up.

One time I was invited to a girl's birthday party, and when I got there, guys from class started making fun of me for the longest time, so my friend and I just left the party which was in the woods. I was in 7th or 8th grade, and we walked all the way home at night. It was pitch black, and we could not see anything. When I got home, I cried, and then my parents came home, and my mom made a big thing out of it, and I'm pretty sure I ended up ruining that girl's party. Well, really the guys did that made fun of me, if it wasn't for them, it wouldn't have happened.


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## bbarn

i am pretty much seen as a person that tags along with my friend everywhere he goes. We are roomates, have the same program and in that program you have to take all the same classes. We have the same labs because he has to drive me to school and it would be a pain if i were to get to school through other means like the bus or cab. So basically everywhere he goes i go, we sit together in almost every lab, sit in class together, have the same breaks, etc. I feel like i'm using my friend as a shield because he's doing the work of making friends with other people and i'm just tagging along making some of these friends but not really being into it, because i'm kind of forcing the situations. Sometimes its natural and other times its awkward. I'm pretty sure the class has noticed this and it sucks too bc we are the only asians in the program in a predominate caucasion school, area, etc.


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## Cashew

In elementary school, I couldn't think of another good enough reason to stay in my room so on the car ride there I asked my mom to pull over because I felt nauseous.. All it took was some spitting and coughing in the grass and some tears and I was good to go back home


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## Heide

I usually wait for it to be dark to go to the supermarket so people dont see me walking on the street. Luckily its open until 8pm.

At University I stayed in student accomodations which also had a cantine that served dinner every night, the first week or so I was too scared to go so I mostly ate chocolate and crisps from the vending machine.

I remember being late for school once and I was too scared to walk into the class because everyone would be looking at me so I ended up standing outside the door for about 20 min until someone came out to go to the loo, I then quickly pretended that I had just arrived and walked in.


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## kagyvt

I've walked 5+ miles home at night for the same reason before.


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## SuperEggFart

I fart a lot when I'm nervous.


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## Yozo

if i'm going to return and then pick up some books or movies at the library, i will drop the returns in the outside drop box to the side of the front door, and then go inside and pick up my stuff...so as not to have to wait there while the items would be getting checked in. i just wanna get in and out as swiftly as possible. damn interlibrary loans with their ugly green stickers!...gotta return those at the desk.


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## macaw

SuperEggFart said:


> I fart a lot when I'm nervous.


 Same. :c


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## skygazer

I avoid taking the elevator with anyone. When I was in school I would always spend my lunch break walking around outside the building or by the streets or in stores, because I didn't want to be with a lot of people in the lounge/lunch room.


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## swap42

I used to eat lunch in the bathroom too, in middle school! I almost forgot about that. I ate alone once or twice in high school, and the entire time I felt like everyone was scrutinizing my every move. But someone did ask me to sit with them while I was alone, so I guess it was worth it.


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## swap42

bbarn said:


> I feel like i'm using my friend as a shield because he's doing the work of making friends with other people and i'm just tagging along making some of these friends but not really being into it, because i'm kind of forcing the situations. Sometimes its natural and other times its awkward.


I did the exact same thing with a boyfriend I had. He had a lot of friends and I'd just join him in hanging out with them, but never really got to know any of them, though I had tons of opportunities. When he graduated a year before I did, I had absolutely no friends! That year sucked because I realized that my social life wasn't mine at all, I was just leeching off his.


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## swap42

Ooh! I just remembered a really sad one that's actually recent. In October, my roommates told me about a music festival out in the woods, where artsy people gather and party for like three days. It sounded really fun to me, I really wanted to go, but I had to work until late Friday night. Tickets were sold out, but I just decided to try my luck anyway. The place was an hour and a half out in bum**** North Georgia, I was driving alone, didn't have a ticket, and didn't know where I was going and didn't have anyone's number at the festival. So I finally get there around midnight, almost get turned away and have to go home, but this one guy was nice enough to take me past the line and let me in. So I drive in with about $100 worth of food and camping gear, park, and start walking around this huge place trying to find my roommates. After about two hours I found them, but the second I saw them, I got scared and made a u-turn. I thought they'd think I was so weird for driving all the way up there alone without telling anyone, and that I didn't know them well enough to join them. So I went back to my car and slept there that night. The next morning I read a book until around noon, thinking I still might get up the courage to go back, but I ended up leaving. So I had taken that huge risk and succeeded, spent all this money on food for the weekend and a $50 ticket, found my roommates, and then couldn't get up the guts to even say hi to them. So wierd.


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## Poncho

^^ I get that feeling a lot...approaching people can be awkward, I don't want to feel like I'm bugging them or being annoying or just being the 5th wheel.


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## tranquildream

The first 2 years of college I walked to and from all of my classes because I was too afraid to take the bus around campus. This was in 100 degree weather and snow at times-- and sometimes rain so I would end up in class looking like I jumped in a pool or something. Also this caused me to be late or just not go to class at all. I was about to give up and drop my drawing class when I was too afraid to go in the room that was next to the room the class was supposed to be in(it was blocked off for some reason).. Luckily, some girl came by that was looking for it too and went in the room first, which turned out to be where the class was moved to. When people talk to me I tend to only be able to say varying forms of "yeah" and end up kicking myself afterwords for not being able to have a convo. The worst thing that ever happened, was in high school I was in the bathroom secluding myself from everyone before a band trip, and lost track of time and held up the WHOLE band because I was hiding away in there and people didn't know where I was. Worst moment ever... A similar moment, I was so late to a class I just went to the bathroom to skip it until my next class because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. But I guess my teacher saw me go in there and had someone come bring me to class. I used to hide in the bathroom a lot.


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## GoFlyers

A couple stories here:

Ive driven a 30 min to get to a store, just to drive through the parking lot and go straight home. Had to drive there 2 more times before I was actually able to buy anything.

A couple years back I woke my mom up to get her to drive me to someone's midnight bowling birthday party (something like that). We get to the bowling alley, and my mom drops me off... I walk into the bowling alley, and its packed.. I run into someone that was there for the same party that I didn't really know.. I blurted something out (i forget what), then just turned and got ran out of the bowling alley, chased down my mom's car and went home :/.

Freshman year I was working in my dorm room with my roommate, then all of a sudden like 6 kids he invited to work on something come in. I tried to make it through the whole event, but ended up leaving.... Not knowing where to go or what to do, I ended up walking around outside for close to an hour freezing my *** off because I left my jacked in my room, and was too scared to open the door to a room full of people.


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## LittleSister

I point blank refused to join in on sports days or other 'humiliating' events

Wouldn't eat at school at all... I lived off Vegemite on toast the whole time I spent in boarding school, late at night where no-one could find me. 

I once hid in the school locker room because I was too afraid to ask anyone where my next class was - I consequently got locked in for the entire period and laughed at when everyone returned... I ran away. 

I got suspended during a school camp because I refused to put "proper" shoes on. (Teacher asked me in front of the entire class) 

Sent out of class/put in detention numerous times for not *Presenting work in front of the class*joining in with Drama classes or P.E*doing any work because I was too afraid to ask for help*Disappearing*


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## seaport

I feel uncomfortable retouching my makeup in front of a public bathroom mirror if there are other people in there with me. I don't know why I feel so weird about it! 

I remember never speaking up or participating in class discussions while I was in high school. I was always mortified of saying the wrong thing and being deemed slow-witted. Ironically, this made it seem to my classmates and teachers that I had no interest as a student. I'm in college now and even though there are still instances when I want to speak up but don't, I'm much more vocal and participatory. 

High school was just bah on the whole. I had such a bad time of it.


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## tonercharmer

im 30 now so whenever i go out to bars and am there with friends i just go outside to the smoking patio and chainsmoke till its almost time to leave funny thing is i really dont smoke any other times.


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## cgj93

suddenly change character when intoxicated, i love being drunk , i quells the anxiety but other people find it unsettling, well **** them **** you why dont you ****off you unsettled ****. so ducking funk excuse my poor french


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## primalrose

Smiling excessively out of nervousness and anxiety. I actually smiled once when I was telling a friend that somebody's mother died. That didn't go down too well. I still can't believe I did it, even after all these years. It only made me further want to avoid interaction with people.


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## greenking

pull my phone out and pretend to text someone
Walk behind a large group of people so it looks like I have friends

oh and this one time it was super bowl sunday and a whole bunch of people came to my house and my dad told me I had to go out and socialize. i snuck out the window and walked around the block for a few hours until they left :/


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## ItsMeJason

When my class let out early I would drive around in my car to kill time.

I pretend Im txting someone or browsing the web on my phone so I wouldnt look like a idiot in class.

I'd usually avoided eating at the campus cafeteria so I wouldnt have to sit by myself. I had about $600 left on my prepaid dinner card last year. ($600 down the toilet :no )

I pretended to do paperwork about 40% of the time at this Veterinary Office where I volunteered. I pretended to look busy so I wouldn't have to interact with the employees or clients.

I never ask for tutoring in college even though I really do need the help desperately.

I got tired of my "friends" telling me "How come you're not working?" So I would lie and tell them I work at XYZ. 

I lied to my ex-gf's a trillion times to avoid going out. ( I only like spending time when its just me and the her alone.)


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## Momogacktx3

I can't take public transportation (and I'll just stay home if I can). 
I also can't use public restrooms if there are people inside. 
I can't pay at cash registers (I'll usually give a family member or friend my money and ask them to make the transaction for me). 
I hate talking on phones (awkward silences kinda psyche me out), I'll try to end the conversation as soon as possible. 
I make tons of excuses when someone invites me to a social gathering so that I don't have to go. 
I apoligize excessively, even when somethings not my fault. 
I'm so passive that I let people get away with murder (like owing me 100 dollars). 
I never take off a coat or hoodie outside because I'm self-concious.
I also stay in the library instead of going to lunch (there's waaay too many people down there).
I play video/internet games and love social networking sites (It's the only way I can have social interactions without panicking...even if they are simulated sometimes).
I give quick answers to people to make them go away...even if they're not the answers I want to say)
Heheh, one time I was at Burger King and the cashier asked me if I wanted cheese on my burger. I panicked and said yes abruptly even though I really didn't want cheese on it. She was just all smiley and stuff, she looked like she really expected me to say yes (like she was a cheese lover or something)... I didn't want her to think I was weird 'cause I didn't want cheese, so I just gave her the answer I'd assumed she wanted to hear.
Another thing I tend to do is make up scenarios in my head that are completely irrational...kind of a paranoia... TT^TT


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## Jayne311

I got a massage and for a part of it, it hurt really bad, but I didn't say anything. I was laying there biting my lip trying not to make a noise of pain.


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## trendyfool

okay. this thread is the best thing ever, I can identify with so many of these things! Let's see. in seventh grade, I was dropped off at a park by my mom to hang out with some friends. But I was late, so I missed them. I didn't have a cell phone. I spent the next 10 hours walking through the streets of seattle, using the sun as a compass. Several times people asked me if I was lost but I said I wasn't because I was so scared of talking to them. I stayed at a bus stop for like three hours at one point before realizing I was at the end of the line. Throughout the course of the day, I ate nothing, and got in some very sketchy navigational situations--like, I was walking on a beach on puget sound for about an hour, and I eventually jumped over someone's fence to get on the street again. I got home at 9 p.m. (luckily, it was summer so it wasn't quite dark). My parents had called the police. So when I was about a block from my house, a police car pulled up to me and asked if I had seen a lost boy. I said I hadn't. Sad as this story is, I now find it incredibly funny 

In 9th grade, I bailed out of a debate tournament (my first one) because I was terrified of speaking in front of people. My friends didn't talk to me for weeks.

I've missed about one-third of all the school days over the past three years.

Until recently I was too nervous to eat lunch in school.


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## peytonfarquar

Yes, this thread is simply one of the greatest threads on the net I have ever read because I can relate. I read through the whole thing over the course of about a month.

Here's an embarassing one:
I managed to survive lunch in middle school. I bought lunch at the school and sat at a few cool tables, a few not-so-cool tables, rarely alone. Overall it was not a pleasant experience. 

High school was a little different story. The first day of high school I believe was a half day - no lunch, phew! The second day of high school was a full day; this was the first lunch day. I went through the lunch line and at the end of the line was time to pay. The kid in front of me didn't have money in his account as it turned out, but he produced a wallet out of his pocket and was able to hand the cashier a $5 bill (I have a ridiculously good memory). I was thinking that better not happen to me, after all, my mother put $50 worth into my account at registration. But as it came my turn to pay, my account had no balance. I didn't carry a wallet around with me at that time in my life yet. I was out of luck. They ended up giving me a cold cheese sandwich and some carton of milk - they "couldn't let me go hungry", their words. Then it came time to find a table. Most of the people were seated and eating by now. I just sat down at a table by myself in the middle of the cafeteria and munched on my food and drank my milk. I didn't even bring anything else to do or work on and I could tell people were staring at me.

I never tried to buy lunch again at high school and instead packed my own lunch for school. Sometimes I sat with a cool table, sometimes a bad table, but much of my time was also spent sitting alone. I always brought something to do if I was sitting alone. A book to read, papers to doodle on, notes to study. And I chose a table at the end of the lunchroom near the wall so I wouldn't be so noticeable. The whole lunch situation from 6th grade through 12th grade was overall not pleasant, but I survived.

The $50 for lunch that my mother paid for at original registration turned out to be some ticket, I think. I had to present that ticket to the cashier I guess. I had falsely assumed the $50 had gone straight into my account. After a long procrastination period, I worked up the courage to confront the 9th grade office front desk and explain I wanted to redeem the $50 back into cash since I wasn't going to use it at the lunchroom to purchase lunches. But they said I had to go to the lunchroom to redeem it, gave me the runaround, etc. I never did have the courage to then confront some authority in the lunchroom who could've helped me redeem that $50 ticket. My mother ended up having to do it after several months (this is now about halfway into the 9th grade school year) and they gave her the hardest time she said, but she was able to do it. ops


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## heartofchambers

I got a really bad haircut because I was too afraid to say "NO, I would not like that". She was a very confident hair stylist and insisted it was the best thing for me.
Now my hair is gone..she made a big deal about how awesome it will be to take my cut hair in a braid so I could go donate it to the cancer kids. When I got home and researched it, I came to find that its not even long enough. 
Now everyone thinks I'm trying to be Ramona Flowers.


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## faefae44

I arrive to my classes crazy early so I can be the first one in there so no one watches me walk in. 

I have to run on a treadmill because if I run outside, I'll be running by houses, and I don't want people watching me.

I physically stand by my friends/family/bf and use them as a shield if I'm standing near a group of people I don't know so they can't see me.

If I am having trouble with a class I am too scared to even e-mail my professors.

If I call someone (which is VERY rare), and I get their voicemail, I hang up, come up with a message in my head, memorize it like a script (sometimes write it down), and then call them back to leave that message.


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## sas111

On christmas I hid in my room for 3 hours until my relatives left, I had to pee reallly bad & their was no toilet...so I went in my sink. :/ 

I went to class waaay to early last month by accident & instead of taking the bus home, I walked to another part of town in freezing canadian wheather. Took me almost the whole day to get back home & explain to my parents. :um


I'll wear a bunch of layerings in the winter & my school is super warm..My face will go beat red & I would be sooo dawm uncomfortable..but I just can't take it off.. feel like people would be judging my every move. D:<


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## JGreenwood

In school I skipped an entire semester because I was too afraid to sit in class with the rest of the students. I ended up getting arrested and forced to go to school. I also used to make up friends and write about them in class so that others could see. And I would start conversations using their names to share stories that I had completely made up and say "they don't go to this school" just to try to relate and have something to say.


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## justaname

I usually take a much earlier bus than I actually need to do so that I don't have to sit on the same bus as people that I know. I've been doing so for a couple of months now. Whatever gets me through the day I guess. Lying about being sick and having canceled lessons to skip school is also a favourite at the moment. I hate being socially awkward.


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## CrazyCatLady

Hmmm, there is a lot of stuff here that I can definitely relate to.

Lets see, I see people at work that I know and really like but I worry that if I smile and say hi they might not reply, or maybe they will think it's strange that I smile at them when they see me all day. Just the other day I was coming out of the lunch room and saw one of the guys on my team, he had his back to me and was talking on the phone but rather than actually walking by, I turned around and went the long way back to my desk for no reason at all..

I could not order my own food when we went out to eat until I was about 19. The first time I looked the waitress in the eye and ordered my own food I thought my mom as going to have a heart attack.

I stayed with an older brother for a few months and he made me go to the laundromat. I was in a strange place and didn't know anything about the area and had never gone to a laundromat by myself before. I had all the clothes, drove all the way there, and sat in the parking lot too afraid to go in for various reasons. He was pissed when I got home but when he called my mom (telling on me when he was 20 something, haha) she chewed him out for making me do that.

I missed so much school that I didn't graduate so went back as a Super Senior. One day I had an accident on the way to work and instead of being upset by the accident I used it as an excuse to quit school. (I later got my GED).

For the longest time I was afraid to go to the gas station. I let my car run out of gas a few times when I first started driving, after that I would only go to one gas station. I don't know what it is about it but I always feel like people are watching me while I am there. I think they are going to laugh at me if I park too far away from the pump and have to move (usually I park really close to avoid this). I always have to read the instructions on the pump to make sure that nothing is different. I try to go to the same pump all the time to avoid having to figure out how to work the pump properly.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't even be driving. Driving seems like a big social situation to me and I only do it because it's necessary (though I enjoy it late at night when the roads are empty). If someone gets close behind me I get nervous that I am not driving fast enough and speed even though I don't want to. I worry about how much brake I use during a turn or about misunderstanding signs. 

Driving in the snow is the worst. I always hear people complain that no one knows how to drive in the snow, but they complain if they drive too fast and they complain if they drive too slow so I've never really been sure which it is supposed to be. I always have to tell myself that I am only going to go as comfortable as I feel, and I often try to find a slow car to drive behind so it's not "my fault" that I am going slow.

When I was in school I used to change in the bathroom stalls at gym, not because I was worried about others seeing me but because I was worried I might be staring off into space and some girl would think I was looking at her and was gay. I don't know why I was worried about that because I've always been pro gay rights, but for some reason it did.

When a boy asked me out for the first time I became paranoid that he was trying to trick me somehow because no one in that school liked me. I really liked this boy but never did go out with him.

When my brother's best friend gave me my first kiss I got all embarrassed and said "you're being weird". He immediately walked out of the house and didn't come around a lot afterwards.

I stayed in a relationship for 7 years with a man who drank too much and behaved like a child because I was afraid to try to be on my own. I didn't know who would do the driving, who would do the talking at social events, or who would take care of all the social stuff if we broke up. Now I am afraid to get back into a relationship because I don't want to always be anxious about the social aspects.

I once broke up with a guy because he demanded I initiate phone conversations more.

I am a writer. I'm always being told by everyone how wonderful my stories are and have been told by teachers to try to get published and that they've never seen such good work without it having passed through an editor, but I am so afraid of not setting the manuscript up right that I never send anything in.

And lastly, I am supposed to be at work right now. I got sick at the first of the year. I have been eager to go back ever since. I love my job and the people I work with but after missing a few days I found it hard to go back. I kept calling my boss at the last minute and making excuses. I am supposed to be going for a leave of absence but I am too afraid to call the leave people and explain things to them even though I have gone through them before. I went back to work on Saturday and enjoyed my self. I kept thinking of how wonderful it was to be back and how I don't want to lose my job, but then I had two more days off. I woke up this morning after a fitful nights sleep and anxiety only to find myself incapable of going to work.


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## Esmeralda

CrazyCatLady said:


> I could not order my own food when we went out to eat until I was about 19. The first time I looked the waitress in the eye and ordered my own food I thought my mom as going to have a heart attack.


Oh, wow, I still have this same problem. I make my mom order my food. If it's a sit-down restaurant, I try to perfectly time a bathroom break for when the waiter will come, so it will look like she's ordering for me because I'm in the bathroom and not because I'm shy. Same scenario for fast-food restaurants, except I tell her what I want outside and then immediately go use the bathroom.

I once tried to eat lunch in the bathroom in eighth grade when I was having an argument with my then ex-friends. They busted in on me, however, and I had to leave the bathroom too. Eventually, I wound up in a room that's curtained off from the cafeteria/gym and used for special functions. One of the lunch ladies found me in there, and, after I asked her if it was okay for me to be in there, I broke down crying. :cry

There are other stories, but I can't think of them right now.


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## CrazyCatLady

> I once tried to eat lunch in the bathroom in eighth grade when I was having an argument with my then ex-friends. They busted in on me, however, and I had to leave the bathroom too. Eventually, I wound up in a room that's curtained off from the cafeteria/gym and used for special functions. One of the lunch ladies found me in there, and, after I asked her if it was okay for me to be in there, I broke down crying.


Awww, i know exactly where you are coming from though.

I just thought of one that I still do. Well, first off I used to avoid using the drive through at fast food places. If I was driving I would have whoever I was with lean over and place the order, now it is almost the only way I order things. The problem is I have to know what I want before I get up there or I feel rushed. On top of that I am a vegetarian so placing special orders at a place I don't frequent is hard. Most of the time I go to taco bell because I know exactly what I can get without having to give extra instructions.

Sometimes I get depressed because I really want to try something different but I don't want to spend time looking at the menu or trying to figure out how to alter something that usually has meat on it so I give up and get the usual.

Also after the blizzard the other day I knew I had to go dig my car out but there were so many people out doing the same thing that I didn't want to go out. I waited until night but then it was two cold. I think it was three days after the blizzard before I finally had to leave the house and made myself clean off the car.


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## Boombox

Where to begin..
Never ate school lunch in the cafeteria, always in some unused classroom. Even in the janitor closet a few times! When I had no choice to eat in the cafeteria, I inhaled my food at world record pace so I could get the hell out of there, but I would always get the worst stomach aches.
Went to sleepaway summer camp as a kid for the first time and was scared to death by all the new people. I always used to disappear and walk in the woods alone for hours at a time, but I got in alot of trouble for that by the counselors. I once disappeared for about 8 hours and they called a camp emergency and rounded everybody up and did a head count, but I returned just in time for it. I acted as if I was there the whole time and confused as to why they were having the head count, but I knew it was really because of me.
I've had more fake conversations with an empty cell phone than real ones. It's usually at bars and parties when I get anxious and am desperate to look like I have a life. I make sure to walk outside so that no one can realize that all I'm actually saying into the phone is "Yeah, thats cool, no, yeah, cool, yeah" I've even done it at nightclubs with blaring music and people have come up to me and asked how I can carry on a phone conversation in such a loud place.


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## sundays

My mom makes me go to sunday school every week and the first week I really didn't want to go because the people there had all known each other for literally years, and I was probably the only newcomer. So my mom dropped me off at church and I walked 5 blocks in the freezing cold to this big grocery store and walked around there for 2 hours until it was time for my mom to pick me up.


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## heartofchambers

When I was in 8th grade, I had to ride the school bus to & from middle school. My mom would leave about the same time as me but couldn't take me all the way. Well for about a week I would pretend to go walk up to the bus stop and then hide in the tree/bushes when the bus would appear. Then I would walk back to our apartment and sit on our back porch all day until 4pm(when my mom got home). Its very hot in Florida at the time as well so I'm just sitting back there like a ****ing idiot. You might ask why I just didn't go inside but my mom never really made me a spare key and I was too dumb to ask for one. I never really needed it. I got busted after one day my mom wanted to check me out of school early, seeing as I wasn't even there. I would erase any messages left from my school before she did. My mom wouldn't have noticed or thought about why I would be back there when she got home or why she didn't see me walking back from/at the the bus stop. But then again she never noticed much about me at all:| I didn't even think to bring water/food. I just read books. :time


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## CrazyCatLady

There was one time I stayed home from school just to find out that my stepfather had skipped work that day. As soon as I heard him walk through the house I freaked. I had a gap between the foot of my bed and the wall that was filled with stuffed animals. With nowhere else to hide and afraid of him catching me I crawled into that gap (I was about fifteen at this time) and covered myself in those stuffed animals with just a small gap to look out at my room. This was about 9 am and I stayed there until the time I normally would have gotten home after three. My body hurt so bad from sitting there but it was good I did because around noon he came in to work on my window at the head of the bed that had been sticking 

I felt like ET sitting there hiding behind those animals and I can't even express how scared I was. After that I spent my days skipping school either at the park or the library reading books.


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## vanessaB76

Many, many things....I am too lazy and tired to type all of them. In 12th grade, first semester, every single day I would eat my lunch in the cafeteria, alone, then right after go to the library. I pretended that I was just a very studious person but really I just went there because I had no one to hang out during lunch. I'd rather them think I was book nerd than see me hanging out alone. When second semester came, I was so happy that due to me having completed most of my credits to graduate, I got to go home before lunch.


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## roxyruby

I am so sorry to hear the fear you went through :|

Yes either once or a couple of times I spent lunch break hiding in a toilet cubicle in highschool.

And also at lunch break I would take as much time as possible changing into my sports uniform in the toilet cubicle so I would spend less time out around people and the imagined "catastrophic" judgments etc

in primary school I peed at the back of the classroom when it was my turn on the computer because I was too afraid to ask to go to the toilet. I desperately tried to clean it up and one student was like "does this smell like pee to you?" and I desperately pretended that I had no idea...


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## Tess4u

CrazyCatLady said:


> There was one time I stayed home from school just to find out that my stepfather had skipped work that day. As soon as I heard him walk through the house I freaked. I had a gap between the foot of my bed and the wall that was filled with stuffed animals. With nowhere else to hide and afraid of him catching me I crawled into that gap (I was about fifteen at this time) and covered myself in those stuffed animals with just a small gap to look out at my room. This was about 9 am and I stayed there until the time I normally would have gotten home after three. My body hurt so bad from sitting there but it was good I did because around noon he came in to work on my window at the head of the bed that had been sticking
> 
> I felt like ET sitting there hiding behind those animals and I can't even express how scared I was. After that I spent my days skipping school either at the park or the library reading books.


Omg this brings back alot of memories when i would ditch school. My dad would come home early on random days, so whenever i was at home and randomly heard someone going up the stairs or unlocking the door, i would stop whatever i was doing and would hide under my bed, in the closet, or be hide a cabinet we used to have. The closet became my "go to" place whenever that happened and i would always have it set up with large blankets to cover myself in case my dad decided to look in it. I would stay there literally till 3pm when he would leave to pick up my sister. The most hours ive spent there at one time was like 7 hours and it sucked the most when i had to go to the restroom!:flush
After that i just would leave around the usual early hours he would get home and go to the library.


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## Karsten

Tess4u said:


> Omg this brings back alot of memories when i would ditch school. My dad would come home early on random days, so whenever i was at home and randomly heard someone going up the stairs or unlocking the door, i would stop whatever i was doing and would hide under my bed, in the closet, or be hide a cabinet we used to have. The closet became my "go to" place whenever that happened and i would always have it set up with large blankets to cover myself in case my dad decided to look in it. I would stay there literally till 3pm when he would leave to pick up my sister. The most hours ive spent there at one time was like 7 hours and it sucked the most when i had to go to the restroom!:flush
> After that i just would leave around the usual early hours he would get home and go to the library.


I used to do the same thing.


----------



## Jennifer Clayton

OCD crap. Having to have everything a certain way, perfectly, all the time. That crap drives me crazy.

Also, if someone is messaging me, even if I am having a good time, sometimes I get so avoidant, I won't reply for days or weeks. It's not the weirdest thing ever, but it frustrates the crap out of me when I am trying to make and maintain friendships. You can't hold on to friends if you are too avoidant to talk to them. 

I also hate that I can't speak my mind, even when it's something I feel really strongly about.

GRRRRRRRRRR fdfdiofsiffdofosfjs!!


----------



## TreeOfLife

For senior halloween I was this crappy ghost thing, not really wanting to put much effort into my costume. Throughout the day I became more and more self-conscious of how stupid a costume I had, and ended up going to the nurse to go home early. That day sucked.
One time on a date with this pretty cute girl I had a mutual friend tag along because I didn't think I could hold up a conversation, and it'd be ten times less awkward. Even though I can hold up a conversation with a brick wall for a week straight, I feel inadequate of doing so with a sentient person.

other things i'd do
-skip first day of classes for having to introduce yourself
-wear the same hoodie and hat quite often because i felt comfortable in them
-acting very apathetic and uncaring when really i cared all too much
-hide in bathroom stall when someone else would come in

good times...


----------



## krista91

So I've been reading this thread for some time now and it makes me cry and laugh at the same time. Everything just rings true so hard...

Some stuff I do/did:
* I failed philosophy course last semester because we had to talk out loud in class. It's a mandatory subject so now I have to pay for it and STILL talk. I don't know what to do.. :/
* Always letting my friend to order in a restaurant. But she's gone abroad and therefore, I never go to restaurants anymore..
* Sometimes I say I'll go to some place when someone asks me, but I always make up some kind of excuse in the last minute. I've done this SO many times. I don't even know why I *still* bother to accept their invites when I know I won't go with them anyway.
* When I meet someone new, I always end up avoiding them. Also, when a class ends, I rush out of the room, so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone.

Some things some of you said that applied so much to me:
* I say I go to a party and then I don't.
* I wear my winter coat even in spring.

+ so, so much more.. such a great thread, makes me feel less alone.


----------



## CrazyCatLady

I have the same tendency to have certain clothes that make me comfortable. For an entire year of High School I wore a trench coat. I was obsessed with the x-files and the trench coat made me feel like I was somehow connected to that while I was at this horrible place I couldn't stand.

Of course the following year Columbine happened so bye bye trench coat.


----------



## Popularity

All this walking home reminds me of a time when there was a pep rally at the end of school outside. It was mandatory. Of course I sped off the second class was over. I noticed this very shy kid who had been in one of my classes walking on the side of the road. He actually lived the houses down from me. It was a very far walk! I asked him if he wanted a ride because I knew he lived by me. I tried to get any conversing going but he just answered very minimally and we sat in silence most of the time. I feel good looking back on that now. Poor kid, I just now realized he was probably struggling a lot socially because he was a new kid but had been at the school for over a year.


----------



## Bodah

wouldn't it totally be cool if there were schools,colleges,workplaces(ok that's not attainable at all)with socialphobic people only?!


----------



## CrazyCatLady

Amusingly I just went to the store and thought of this thread.

I was at Hobby Lobby because I decided I wanted to make some fairy catchers. While walking through the store trying to remember where the bead section was I avoided people who worked there and prepared my "No thanks, just looking" response just in case they asked if I needed help. Then I realized I could just ask where the beads are, I kinda smiled at myself, but I knew I wouldn't ask.

So when I found the beads there was a woman in that aisle. At first I avoided the aisle and looked down a couple of others but I needed glue and that was the one that had glue in it. She was standing right in front of the glue but looking at something else. Instead of saying excuse me and grabbing some glue I pretended to look at other things in the aisle until she left. At one point she moved but the idea of her seeing me go straight to the glue and realizing I was waiting for her to move bothered me so I actually waited until she left, then got the glue.

The funny thing is I am perfectly capable of slight interaction with the cashier, as long as it doesn't go too far, but other customers? Avoid like the plague.


----------



## momosy

Bodah said:


> wouldn't it totally be cool if there were schools,colleges,workplaces(ok that's not attainable at all)with socialphobic people only?!


haha! I think about this all the time! It would be greaaaaaaat


----------



## TreeOfLife

Bodah, I feel like such a school would be a great idea. I can think of no better a way to help so many people with SA. Once some kids are cured they can go back to the public schools, because otherwise they will be far too socially comfortable and it will intimidate the younger ones and hamper their learning. And I feel like it would be a really interesting ,with so many people who have bottled up their personalities, and finally letting them breathe. I would rather take my college tuition and put it to going to such a school. At least I would learn something there.


----------



## Katiie

When I would get invited to birthdays in highschool I wouldn't go and the next day when people ask me why I wasn't there I would say 'I was sick that day'.....

Then one day my friend asked me BEFORE her birthday if was going!!! and I almost said 'no, I can't...I'm going to be sick that day'!!!!....like I could actually predict when I wasn't going to be sick!!!!!!! I'm so glad I stopped my self before that came out of my mouth because that would have been so weird....
It was still awkward though because I said no and then didn't have an excuse why not....she was like 'ah.....okay.....' 

I feel so terrible because she would always try to include me in things (for over 7 years) and I feel like I just let her down every time...


----------



## gopherinferno

Popularity said:


> All this walking home reminds me of a time when there was a pep rally at the end of school outside. It was mandatory. Of course I sped off the second class was over. I noticed this very shy kid who had been in one of my classes walking on the side of the road. He actually lived the houses down from me. It was a very far walk! I asked him if he wanted a ride because I knew he lived by me. I tried to get any conversing going but he just answered very minimally and we sat in silence most of the time. I feel good looking back on that now. Poor kid, I just now realized he was probably struggling a lot socially because he was a new kid but had been at the school for over a year.


I had a religious excuse for skipping pep rallies, so I would always just go sit in the office (which was awkward too, but at least it was quiet).

I remember seeing other kids who were always alone, and feeling like at least I wasn't alone, there was someone else like me, at least from how they looked from an outside observer. I felt like I wasn't the only "loner" in the school. I never talked to those people, of course, but just seeing them sometimes would...I don't know...some of my pain would go to them, I wouldn't be so focused on myself because I would wonder how much their life sucked, too.


----------



## CrazyCatLady

ohpewp said:


> I had a religious excuse for skipping pep rallies, so I would always just go sit in the office (which was awkward too, but at least it was quiet).
> 
> I remember seeing other kids who were always alone, and feeling like at least I wasn't alone, there was someone else like me, at least from how they looked from an outside observer. I felt like I wasn't the only "loner" in the school. I never talked to those people, of course, but just seeing them sometimes would...I don't know...some of my pain would go to them, I wouldn't be so focused on myself because I would wonder how much their life sucked, too.


That makes sense. One of the only ways I come out of my shell is in the protection of others, or to do things they can't do to help them out.


----------



## Funkygrub

Middle school I acted out all the time and got in trouble alot. I did anything for attetntion mainly to get the focus of my talking skills I guess you would say. High school was a *****. I'd put my head down to avoid attention or just go home or the library. It sucked so bad.


----------



## BeerRun

My worst moment was using my Moms illness as an excuse. I worked the night shift at the time but my manager and other employees asked me if I wanted to come with them to the bar on a night I was off (I could not say I would be sleeping). I said my mom was sick and I had to take care of her (they knew of her illness). Unfortunately that was in her prime, right after chemo finished and she did not need me there at all and we actually went to Vegas not that long afterward. I am still ashamed of that.


----------



## softshock11

In 5th grade I had a spelling bee contest. When I was one of the last two (against my best friend) I misspelled the word "essential" on purpose so that I wouldn't have to compete at the state spelling bee which would be on stage in front of a lot of people and cameras. I thought it would be annoying dealing with that....:flush


----------



## Jessie203

brokenlight said:


> If I want to use the mirror in a public restroom, and someone else comes in, I hide in a stall and wait for them to leave. I will then try to use the mirror again. If somebody else comes in, I sometimes will go back in a stall until they leave.


Same. I feel like I am so damn ugly and if I'm fixing myself up (hair, make up touch up, whatever..) beside someone attractive then I feel like why am I bothering? This is pointless lol. Or I feel like they think I am ugly why am I bothering to try? That is odd because people tell me I am good looking sometimes but I don't get it??


----------



## Shooterrr

kathy903 said:


> Same. I feel like I am so damn ugly and if I'm fixing myself up (hair, make up touch up, whatever..) beside someone attractive then I feel like why am I bothering? This is pointless lol. Or I feel like they think I am ugly why am I bothering to try? That is odd because people tell me I am good looking sometimes but I don't get it??


LOL. I did the exact same thing today. I stayed in the stall for 15 minutes because people kept walking in and out of the bathroom and I don't feel comfortable looking at my reflection when other people are around.


----------



## Bloodorange

Confrontation of any kind. I'm even talking about a game versus another person online. How bad is that? Overly kind and friendly people who like to hug and kiss. I turn in to the cat that is being kissed by Pepe Le Pieu.


----------



## changeforthebetter

walk around the shelves in the library looking frustrated like i couldn't find the book i was looking for. I spent half an hour or an hour plus every lunch time for several months looking like i was trying to find this book. The truth was there was no book, just me with no friends.

Going for a pointless drive when somebody is coming around to my house, i wasn't doing nothing, 'i just got home' or 'yea i will be home soon'

'forgetting' my togs on swimming day

spending ages trying to find something like sun glasses before going outside with family because i didnt want to go out. i mean like seriously ages, ok we are going now, 40 minutes or so later i find my sun glasses

pretending i cant hear people from school screaming out my name repeatedly when they see me in town with my mum on the weekend (this was several years ago)


----------



## ferrellwolf

Reading some of these posts, I'm glad that I didn't get noticeable SA until after High School, that would have been hell. Just yesterday my cousins (who I live with) had a poker tournament/party and I hid in my room all day and pretended that I was sleep lol. They rarely get to see me even though I live there, I'm so messed up.


----------



## She

kathy903 said:


> Same. I feel like I am so damn ugly and if I'm fixing myself up (hair, make up touch up, whatever..) beside someone attractive then I feel like why am I bothering? This is pointless lol. Or I feel like they think I am ugly why am I bothering to try? That is odd because people tell me I am good looking sometimes but I don't get it??


Haha, omg, thats amazing. That is my exact thought process in that situation too! I have been doing that for years and was convinced I was the only one.


----------



## shyguy101

when people at work are talking things they do in their free time, i make stuff up just to avoid looking like a loser with no friends. 

tbh i don't have a lot friends who i can go out with on a friday so when everyone at work is making plans or asking if they want to go for a drink, i don't know what to say. 

i fear saying i have no plans and looking like a loner so i lie and say i can't go, even though i want to. i'm worried they'll judge me in a negative image.


----------



## changeforthebetter

also i go for random pointless drives just to leave the house and try and make myself feel better for sitting home all day doing nothing. I could drive into the city because 'aparantly i need to go to some shop' drive round like two streets dont see a aprk not really looking hoping there is not actualy a park then thinking 'oh dam there are no parks i will have to go home again' truth is i never really intended to go into the shop i just wanted i reason to leave the house

also going into the city to shop and coming home again because i am too socially anxious, then going out again later in the days when i 'feel better' sounds sort of stupid, i know


----------



## odd1out

Restless Mind said:


> Eat alone in the library instead of the cafeteria.


WOW i thought I was the only one LOL


----------



## changeforthebetter

did i mention sleeping with hardly any sheets, having cold showers and not drying my hair properly and going for walks on cold nights so i could get sick and avoid mufti day at school:no


----------



## Aliens

I eat my lunch outside of the school near a public park all alone or sometimes, I don't even eat my lunch.


----------



## trendyfool

turn down people's offers of food at friends' houses, sleep with my clothes on when I have to room with people I don't know well, leave school early...


----------



## hitthelights

Make my mom pick me up for lunch when I don't anyone to eat with...


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## CrazyCatLady

Bloodorange said:


> Confrontation of any kind. I'm even talking about a game versus another person online. How bad is that? Overly kind and friendly people who like to hug and kiss. I turn in to the cat that is being kissed by Pepe Le Pieu.


I LOVE the way you describe having an issue with huggy people! I feel exactly the same way.

I also do not like confrontation in game. When I play WoW I don't like grouping with people I don't know because I am always afraid they will think I have no idea how to play. If I do manage to group and something embarrassing happens I most likely will leave.

There have been times where I have stood up for myself in certain situations and told people off just to feel all shaky and scared afterwards

The only way I could join a guild and feel comfortable was when my brother joined first. It was just like being in school with him again, his friends were my friends and everyone knew me as Jake's Sister (or BigRalph's sister in game).



> In 5th grade I had a spelling bee contest. When I was one of the last two (against my best friend) I misspelled the word "essential" on purpose so that I wouldn't have to compete at the state spelling bee which would be on stage in front of a lot of people and cameras. I thought it would be annoying dealing with that....


I always wanted to act and sing so I tried out for a musical in 8th grade and got a good part. Everyone was so shocked that I got up in front of everyone and sang when most of them had never heard me speak before.

I was getting constant compliments from the director, though the choreographer bothered me. The more they said I did things wrong the worse it got until I quit two weeks before the show even though my director begged me to stay and told me I was way better than the other girl who also did my part (because we had multiple showings). I still regret that, even though the play was stupid and about puberty :roll



> My worst moment was using my Moms illness as an excuse. I worked the night shift at the time but my manager and other employees asked me if I wanted to come with them to the bar on a night I was off (I could not say I would be sleeping). I said my mom was sick and I had to take care of her (they knew of her illness). Unfortunately that was in her prime, right after chemo finished and she did not need me there at all and we actually went to Vegas not that long afterward. I am still ashamed of that.


aww, I can relate. I have used my brother's alcoholism and utter dependence on me to miss work. I feel like crap when I do it but I tell myself that since he really is stressing the hell out of me with it, and actually has made me miss work when I didn't want to that I might as well use it to miss work when I do want to.


----------



## JamieHasAnxiety

CrazyCatLady said:


> I LOVE the way you describe having an issue with huggy people! I feel exactly the same way.
> 
> I also do not like confrontation in game. When I play WoW I don't like grouping with people I don't know because I am always afraid they will think I have no idea how to play. If I do manage to group and something embarrassing happens I most likely will leave.
> 
> *There have been times where I have stood up for myself in certain situations and told people off just to feel all shaky and scared afterwards *
> 
> The only way I could join a guild and feel comfortable was when my brother joined first. It was just like being in school with him again, his friends were my friends and everyone knew me as Jake's Sister (or BigRalph's sister in game).
> 
> I always wanted to act and sing so I tried out for a musical in 8th grade and got a good part. Everyone was so shocked that I got up in front of everyone and sang when most of them had never heard me speak before.
> 
> I was getting constant compliments from the director, though the choreographer bothered me. The more they said I did things wrong the worse it got until I quit two weeks before the show even though my director begged me to stay and told me I was way better than the other girl who also did my part (because we had multiple showings). I still regret that, even though the play was stupid and about puberty :roll
> 
> aww, I can relate. I have used my brother's alcoholism and utter dependence on me to miss work. I feel like crap when I do it but I tell myself that since he really is stressing the hell out of me with it, and actually has made me miss work when I didn't want to that I might as well use it to miss work when I do want to.


I've been there, its crazy. Even if I'm not even that scared I still shake, no idea why. It's odd.. 
It's like all it takes is a little nervousness.


----------



## ThisGuy

Sitting close to your friends, in, say a computer lab, but not directly near them. Just close enough so that they know you're there. I do this when I feel like I've spent too time around someone, and with my SA-rated judgment can sense that they've gotten bored of me after a while or that I've exhausted them. As a result I try to spend less time around them, so that hopefully the next time I see them and wanna hang out or talk to them, they'll be overly receptive and excited BACK, to see me.

Hasn't worked a single time (i.e. it's all in my head). That is, I shouldn't have bothered trying to avoid them in the first place. I can be extremely avoidant, but my intention certainly has never been to un-friend someone or make them angry. /misunderstood


----------



## Dontlurkneartheshadows

AwkwardGal said:


> Wow, I can relate to so many of these.
> 
> I also can not look at my own reflection in public restroom mirrors, particularly if there are other people inside. I wait until other people leave before leaving the stall myself, just in case they're someone I know.
> 
> I hate calling people on their home phones. Once I begin talking to them I'm ok, but the act of dialing their number and then having to introduce myself to whoever picks up their phone causes me so much anxiety.
> 
> I also hate when people call me when I'm not expecting it. I usually make my parents say I'm not home if anyone calls.
> 
> Sometimes if there's too many people on the bus I'm too scared to press the bell when it's my stop. I get paranoid that everyone is watching me make my way down the aisle. This has led to me being late to classes on more than one occasion.
> 
> And of course, being late also makes me incredibly anxious. I will usually arrive much earlier to any appointment or class. If I do find myself late to a uni class, sometimes I will end up waiting outside the lecture room to avoid having all that attention on me.
> 
> I'm paranoid that my phone will ring while I'm in a lecture. I usually turn it off in class, rather than just turning it on silent. Sometimes I'll forget whether or not I've turned it off so then it's on my mind the whole time. If it does happen to be on during class I'm too scared to turn it off in case the process will lead to it making some sound. *STUPID* I know.
> 
> Ah, there's plenty of other things. Up until last year I couldn't talk to sales assistants. Now that I work in retail (kind of) I'm more confident around them.
> 
> But I still struggle to go into quiet shops, in case they'll come over to talk to me. I used to hate the Body Shop because whenever they asked me if i needed any assistance I always assumed they were judging me on how bad my skin was.
> 
> I hate going into my uni library. There's always so many people around that I get nervous just passing through. I always worry that someone I know will see me...


@ Awkwardgirl I share alot of these. also

With the Library thing and getting so nervous. I would just find a way of avoiding people in general and would sit in the restroom for 30 mins until class started. or take the long routes to class to avoid certain people,places,crowds. The people who I avoided weren't bad people I was just shy.

I can also relate to the bus thing when I got to nervous to do something and messed up. I would try to explain and people would just smirk and shake their head at me like I was some type of idiot. 
"it's not that hard" "What are you talking about" and a few people in my life got frustrated at that.

But I share a lot with this post.

Well many of these post.


----------



## wickedtruth

In schools, I used to lock myself in the toilet and have my break/lunch in there.


At work now, when I find it too much. I hide in the toilets for a bit. I guess it is because it give the illusion that the world is smaller then it is outside brimming with ants.


----------



## junedoodle

It's crazy there are so many things already on this thread that I do, when I thought I was the only one. I'm glad I'm not, even though they're not really fun things to do I guess. 

I guess this past semester I used to get to the train at 6:30 in the morning just so I could avoid everyone in the dorm. And I always timed it so I wouldn't be leaving at a time when other people left. Now that I'm living with a few friends I don't do that though. 

I also make it a point to make it look like I'm never on facebook because I'm afraid to respond to things. I know it's ridiculous, and I always feel bad but I don't think it's worth the anxiety most of the time.


----------



## AussiePea

AwkwardGal said:


> I hate calling people on their home phones. Once I begin talking to them I'm ok, but the act of dialing their number and then having to introduce myself to whoever picks up their phone causes me so much anxiety.


Major issue for me.

Another thing I can't do for some reason is buying sunglasses. Sounds weird but I see myself trying on sunnies as me thinking I am hot stuff or something and fiddling around trying different pairs to find the one which suits best would be like me asking to be judged on my appearance.

There is no logic to it, but there you go.


----------



## Pani

sslhea said:


> I feel tearful reading this thread because it triggered memories. ( but I'm glad that it is cathartic for you bronco)
> I have been through the same experiences of avoidance where I felt horribly alone and bewildered by unexplainable fear.
> I took drastic actions to avoid social situations.
> I can take comfort now that my SA experiences are not that strange because you guys went through them too. You guys are my kindred friends.
> 
> I skipped lunch and hid out in the library even though my stomach growled loudly in protest
> I would sit in bathroom stalls until break was over.
> I hid in the bathroom when trick or treaters knocked on the door.
> 
> Hugs to everyone!
> :group
> sorry for the maudlin post


_as an adult, it didnt change. I always sat in my car on any breaks at work, always watching my watch, wanting to just work through it if they would let me. Getting my degree same thing, sitting in my car.. ciggs and coffee my friend.._


----------



## Pumpkin Pie

I tend to eat lunch at my desk instead of in the lunch room.

I avoid walking pass groups of people.

I don't raise my hand to ask questions at meetings.

I pretend I have an incoming text message on my phone...lol if I am talking to someone and get nervous. 

Sometimes I'll say I'm sick to someone if I don't feel like talking.


----------



## laura024

I start on my way to go somewhere, get too nervous about encountering people there, and turn around awkwardly.


----------



## LovelyAmor

laura024 said:


> I start on my way to go somewhere, get too nervous about encountering people there, and turn around awkwardly.


*^This. :um*


----------



## IllusionOfHappiness

When talking to people one-on-one, I often don't know how to stand or what to do with my hands, so it turns into this sequence of putting my hands in my pockets, leaning on things, crossing my arms, putting my hands on my hips...and so on.


----------



## chet31

Bodah said:


> wouldn't it totally be cool if there were schools,colleges,workplaces(ok that's not attainable at all)with socialphobic people only?!


This is a really interesting idea.

Do you think SA people would be more willing to go to such a school knowing that everyone else has SA? Or would the normal anxiety of being in a group setting still be there?


----------



## SuperSky

Oh, this one was good... I was on my way home from school late one day, and had just walked out and past where the buses usually are. There was a girl in one of the younger years just sitting there, but I didn't think anything of it and kept walking... After awhile, I started wondering what she was doing just sitting there... 

"Had she missed a bus, and could she have been all freaked out? Should I turn around and go back and ask if she was ok? If she needed to call someone? Or would that be weird and creepy? No, it'd be ok, I'm a senior and sometimes people look out for younger kids so it wouldn't be weird... But now I've walked so far past (like 300m or so)... Do I turn around... Yes?... I should... But nooooo... Yes. Go. Go back..."

So back I went, and she was still sitting there. I asked her if everything was ok, and apparently she was waiting for her mum to pick her up, but since she wasn't there yet she'd just start walking... Probably to get away from this weirdo who now appeared to be stalking her... And so I then had to quickly cross to the other side of the road so that it wouldn't be quite so awkward, even though the awkwardness factor was already well above a million. :doh


----------



## Tinklepee

I go driving randomly just to get out of the house. Whenever my mom asks me where I'm going I tell her a friends house. She wants to meet my friends now... the thing is I don't ****ing have any.


----------



## The Ones

The two main things I do are: hide in the bathroom on breaks and down time (still do) and pretend I am on the phone when I see somebody familiar. Pretty much everything said in this thread, I have done at one point or another.


----------



## theCARS1979

I remember sitting in the library during lunch too, I did'nt like the cafeteria


----------



## changeforthebetter

when i was younger we went to a family friends place, the kids were the same age as me but they had other friends there. My parents car was in the driveway right outside the house and i sat in that baking hot sunbathed car because i did not want to go in, i did not give a reason. An hour or two later the other friends went home, and my anxiety disappeared so i went inside. seriously retarded i know:sus


----------



## JamieHasAnxiety

I don't think I do anything weird because of my SA. I just act normal I guess.

OH theres one, I pretend to be normal when people are around me. lol


----------



## Tess4u

changeforthebetter said:


> when i was younger we went to a family friends place, the kids were the same age as me but they had other friends there.* My parents car was in the driveway right outside the house and i sat in that baking hot sunbathed car because i did not want to go in, *i did not give a reason. An hour or two later the other friends went home, and my anxiety disappeared so i went inside. seriously retarded i know:sus


Ditto, I avoid family gathering now cause I just sit there and look akward, me and my other relatives never have anything to talk about. When I would go I would usually just to eat the food, then ask to stay in the car and if we were near the house I would opt to leave early, I know it was rude but honestly just couldn't deal being there.


----------



## Joe

i always scratch the same part of my nose when i get nervous all the time S:
and i used to just sit on the toilet reading books to avoid people in school at lunch.


----------



## thatguy95

ohpewp said:


> I remember seeing other kids who were always alone, and feeling like at least I wasn't alone, there was someone else like me, at least from how they looked from an outside observer. I felt like I wasn't the only "loner" in the school. I never talked to those people, of course, but just seeing them sometimes would...I don't know...some of my pain would go to them, I wouldn't be so focused on myself because I would wonder how much their life sucked, too.


So true


----------



## Dayvan

IllusionOfHappiness said:


> When talking to people one-on-one, I often don't know how to stand or what to do with my hands, so it turns into this sequence of putting my hands in my pockets, leaning on things, crossing my arms, putting my hands on my hips...and so on.


Haha. I do this constantly. Another one is not knowing how long to look someone in the eye while they are talking. So after a while, I become self-conscious about looking at them. So I end up shuffling different body parts, finding things to glance at, and still pay attention.


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## Tycan

After having a fight with my best friend (also only friend) I spent the better part of my last school year in the library at lunch reading. I eventually made up with him just so I wouldn't have to go to the library because my lunch time was around the time a certain class went to the library for projects 3-4 times a week. These two kids would sometimes come up to me and try to be social and I was willing to completely drop my side of our fight just so I wouldn't have to socialize with new people.

Because of the most recent fight I had with my friend we are no longer friends. This sucks because I can no longer go to these weekly shows (heavy metal type) in my area. I'm too afraid to go to these shows alone because I think the people there will take the time to stop jumping around like maniacs and look at me and say hurtful things.


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## SydneyCarton

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


Oh my god I did the exact same thing.


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## blinds8

Tinklepee said:


> I go driving randomly just to get out of the house. Whenever my mom asks me where I'm going I tell her a friends house. She wants to meet my friends now... the thing is I don't ****ing have any.


yes i can totally relate to everythang u just said there bro


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## blinds8

changeforthebetter said:


> when i was younger we went to a family friends place, the kids were the same age as me but they had other friends there. My parents car was in the driveway right outside the house and i sat in that baking hot sunbathed car because i did not want to go in, i did not give a reason. An hour or two later the other friends went home, and my anxiety disappeared so i went inside. seriously retarded i know:sus


been there done that too wow:idea


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## ak2218

Ive done alot of weird things in the past...sometimes when i would just want to get out of the house id just drive around aimlessly and tell my dad i went to a friends. On halloween I hid in my room when i told everyone i was going out... sometimes ill pretend im talking to someone on the phone if i see someone i know. Idk i cud go on and on but basically the majority of everything in this forum ive done at one time or another.

guess u cud say im quite an odd character :cig


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## shygirl93

I'm new here and i'm going to share my story. I had social anxiety disorder my whole life, and I remember when I was in 8th grade I used to hide in the bathroom during break time so I wouldn't have to interact with other kids. I did this up until 10th grade.


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## TunaMelt89

This thread makes me feel like I'm not alone although it seems like it. I actually had an amazing high school experience, great friends and social etc. I guess my mild SA started when i went to college, I knew nobody and it was difficult making friends. Fast forward to senior yr and I have very few friends and many acquaintances but I dont have anyone to hang out with daily. i managed to get a single room in my suite with 5 other girls, and thats where my SA and awkwardness really shows. 4 really good friends are here and I feel left out and so I try my best to avoid them. Pretending i have to study all night to avoid coming out, I never use the kitchen so I always eat out, and peeing in the trash to avoid them in the hallways. I formulate conversation topics in my head when I have to go to class and hear their out in the living room or just use my phone. Im fine with being social when I first meet people but after awhile certain people Im just awkward around but when Im with friends Im a social butterfly. I guess my friends make me


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## hollybug150

i have been dealing with this all my life...

i've walked to work in 2ft of snow because i was afraid to ask for a ride.
didn't get my drivers license until i turned 21.
i cancel plans with friends because i don't like asking people to watch my kids.
i don't answer the phone if i don't know the number.
sometimes, i suck in an involuntary, anxiety induced, breath of air just randomly. it happens at least once a day.
my dad had to drive all the way home from his work (a half an hour away) to give my a ride to school once, because i couldn't ask my neighbor for a ride to.
when i was in community college. i was afraid to go to some of my classes, so i sat at the computer cafe until my parents came to pick me up. nobody ever found out. XD
rather than saying "excuse me" i just wait there for them to move... or i go all the way around
i send people text messages, or message them on facebook... i hate talking to people in person.
i've done lots of other things, but it'd take too long to finish this list XD i need to go to bed... it's almost 4am


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## Popularity

Tycan said:


> After having a fight with my best friend (also only friend) I spent the better part of my last school year in the library at lunch reading. I eventually made up with him just so I wouldn't have to go to the library because my lunch time was around the time a certain class went to the library for projects 3-4 times a week. These two kids would sometimes come up to me and try to be social and I was willing to completely drop my side of our fight just so I wouldn't have to socialize with new people.
> 
> Because of the most recent fight I had with my friend we are no longer friends. This sucks because I can no longer go to these weekly shows (heavy metal type) in my area. I'm too afraid to go to these shows alone because I think the people there will take the time to stop jumping around like maniacs and look at me and say hurtful things.


Usually people at concerts don't care and they don't even notice. Especially if it's heavy metal. I wouldn't mind going to a concert alone.


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## seahero

I have quiet conversations with myself as if I'm rehearsing to speak with others . . . now I do it in Spanish so that if someone hears me, I tell them I'm practicing my Spanish, which is actually partly true. And now I'm learning Japanese, so I sometimes do it in Japanese. They're usually the most intelligent conversations I have all day . . .

And sometimes, when I get really frustrated and sick of everyone around me, I go biking or hiking until I get to an isolated place with a beautiful view and I kneel down and pray with my eyes open, looking at the scenery. Sometimes, I also get in my car and just drive at dangerous speeds with my music turned all the way up, which seems really stupid after I calm down, but I just get caught up in the moment. And sometimes, when it rains, I leave my apartment to go on a run in the rain and I run to this park close to where I live and lie down in the middle. No one goes there when it rains, so I'm in a big park all alone and I get the isolation I need there. And I get all wet too. It's quite fun, actually.


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## sonrienteD

I will avoid lunch time at work and go outside to pretend I was on the phone lol I also avoided buses.


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## WolfGirl1

Roberto said:


> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


I still put my hand up to my mouth when I laugh or smile...or I'll even turn my head. It's not as often as it was years ago but I still do it. I know I am insecure about my mouth/teeth/smile. I don't know why...I even get compliments on my smile and someone even complimented me on my teeth! Which I thought was strange. lol And yes...having longer hair helps hid the face!


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## Tess4u

hollybug150 said:


> when I was in high school, I used to be afraid to cough when it was quiet.
> I still have to leave the room when I blow my nose.
> For some reason, when someone says "thank you," I can never say "you're welcome." I always say " yep."


Same!^^^also with sneezing as well. I would be too nervous to get out of my seat to get a tissue when I had a runny nose so I would use my hand or sweater :-'}


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## Cerberus

In high school, I pretended I was asleep a lot so I had an excuse for not talking. I grew my hair out and hid behind it. I also became a stoner because it made it easy to skip school without having any real friends. Just pretend weed is the coolest thing ever. 'Stoner buddies' aren't hard to find. All they want is someone to pitch in with them and give them a ride. Plus, getting high altered my hellish reality, so I wouldn't have to deal with it. My grades plummeted as a result, but I didn't care at the time. What could someone with such anxiety ever hope for, I thought to myself?


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## Mel267

I used to hide in the bathroom during my dance class and walk for 40-50 minutes to my house after school, because I wasn't capable of accepting a ride from my friend.


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## countingthecars

-When I was a child I would cry at school everyday and most of the time they'd call my mom to pick me up and take me home.
-I refused to use the bathrooms at daycare when I was 4. I still remember this. 
-I forced myself to get physically sick at the movies when I was 7. I don't know what about the movies bothered me so much. I would cry anytime we went. 
- I pretend to be on my phone, or take the back exit out of work so I won't have to say goodbye to anyone. Sometimes I just stare at the ground to avoid eye contact or having to do a cheesy smile. 
- At my last job, rather than sit with the girls I worked with at lunch, I started driving home everyday. I could just feel my voice shaking anytime I talked. I also had this weird fear of starting to talk at the same time someone else started to talk and then there would be that awkward 'oh you go ahead' thing. I think this was part of the reason I was the only one in my department to get laid off. My anti-social behavior. 
- I always had to make sure I sat in the back of my classes at college so people wouldn't stare at me. I've started taking exercise classes at a gym and I have to be in the back here too. I really wanted to join this one gym but they lock their doors at all times so you have to flag down an attendant to come let you in. I thought I'd look really stupid doing this, trying to get their attention from outside, and what if they didn't notice? So I didn't join that gym and now I have to go an extra 12 miles for this other gym. 
- I can't walk down busy streets with cars passing by. Can't ride my bike. 
-I don't like to roll my car windows down more than 6 inches because it makes me feel too exposed.

oh and i forgot the one that's become a big pain in the ***. i've worked at two libraries in my city, one in 2006-2007 and another in 2009-early 2010. But I still feel like I can't return to those libraries because there still might be people working there who know me and then I'd have to make conversation with them about what I've been doing since I left. So now if I want to go to the library I have to go out of my way and find a different one.


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## hollybug150

@countingthecars
i try to sneak out at work to avoid saying goodbye, also.


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## countingthecars

@hollybug150
what about when you go into work? I'll pretend like i'm doing something in my car if someone pulls up next to me, rather than have to walk in with them. also, we have a lot of smokers here and often times there are a bunch of them standing around the closest entrance so I walk to the farther entrance. And I always think someone will ask me about it but no one ever does, but I've already made up my mind to say I'm really allergic to smoke, so that's why I can't come in that door.


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## hollybug150

Luckily, there usually isn't anyone outside when I go in to work.


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## troubledcure

PinkFloyd75 said:


> I remember sitting in the library during lunch too, I did'nt like the cafeteria


In highschool, I used to wish to go to the library during lunch, but I was too afraid. I was also afraid of the bathroom, didn't use it one single time during school hours in three years. I also wanted to leave the school during lunch, but was too afraid someone would see me. So as much as I also hated the cafeteria, that was the only place we were premitted to eat, so I was compelled to eat lunch there by myself every day. Oddly, there was always one empty table, saved for losers I guess. I made full use of it. It would be most difficult when someone I liked would see me, it made me feel horrible. In my head I was like, "Hi, I'm a loser and yes, I am at the losers table, so no need to concern yourself with me." Which they didn't thankfully. So glad thats all over.


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## jijiji

i take very circuitous paths through the hallways in order to avoid people, literally stopping and assessing which is less crowded. i'm sort of glued to the desk in one of my classes because the seats are set up so that everyone is looking at you. i probably look like a freak. when i'm around people, no matter how obvious it will seem, i turn my body away from them and stand like that, even though it looks freaky. i spend a lot of time in the bathroom. sometimes i can't write notes down or whatever we're supposed to be doing in class because i can't look up or turn a certain way, so i sort of just sit there, and get in trouble for it later or a bad grade. i use a paperclip to try and keep the anxiety away, you just dig it as hard as you can into your hand, but the bad thing about it is that when you are anxious you can't even feel pain, so you can do it pretty hard without feeling it. sometimes i sort of walk sideways if there are people on one side of me. before i leave school to get to the parking lot where my mom picks me up, i have to wait in this room, even though i can clearly see her car there. i have to wait until there are no people or until i can work up the courage to go out. i talk to teachers way too much because i don't talk to classmates. i never look at my classmates. i walk behind people and precisely in their footsteps so they'll cover me, and have taken to saying "i love you" to them in my mind because i'm so grateful.


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## axemurderer

Well I got nothing to add, apperantly its all been posted by others already. 8 out of 10 posts I have read brought back a memory for me.


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## scarface007

One time I lied that I'm going out with friends to buy new pair of clothe for my bday, but I went alone. Stupid me.... doing shopping with anyone just makes me anxious till date...


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## frillylove

shygirl93 said:


> I'm new here and i'm going to share my story. I had social anxiety disorder my whole life, and I remember when I was in 8th grade I used to hide in the bathroom during break time so I wouldn't have to interact with other kids. I did this up until 10th grade.


I did this for a year during high school.

And to add to this thread: This isn't a habit, but I remember several times questioning if I was sitting in the right classroom. In certain classes, I don't speak or even look at anyone (excluding the teacher). If the classroom was full of thirty different students, I don't think I'd notice.


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## katling

Every year about a month before my birthday, I hide my birth date on Facebook, so that I don't have to deal people calling/messaging me to say 'Happy Birthday'.

Whenever I meet someone who shares a passion/hobby of mine, I pretend not to be that interested, because I don't want them to think that I'm some crazy obsessed fangirl. Of course, this makes it pretty much impossible to make friends with anyone who actually likes the same things that I do. *sigh*


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## bigboi

I used to buy Garcia Vegas (cigars) and smoke one walking to school. I never liked cigarettes but it calmed me down. 

I also use to hide in the van in 90+degrees while everybody else was social gathering. No shade and on a dirt road. It was hot in there. No ac

I also hide in the van in the parking lot while my family was attending church. 

Also at the library at lunch too. Sucks sometimes cause they didn't let me in cause of another class. 

I used to walk out of high school during 1st break and go back home. 

Ahh...so many and going


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## Popularity

ohpewp said:


> II remember seeing other kids who were always alone, and feeling like at least I wasn't alone, there was someone else like me, at least from how they looked from an outside observer. I felt like I wasn't the only "loner" in the school. I never talked to those people, of course, but just seeing them sometimes would...I don't know...some of my pain would go to them, I wouldn't be so focused on myself because I would wonder how much their life sucked, too.


I thought this to and I soon discovered all of them had friends or made friends.

I always wondered if my classmates ever knew I was a loner. There were quite a bit of them but I know almost all of them by face and had multiple classes with a large amount of them. I don't really think they did. I think I was just unnoticed.


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## mrMoldyBread

Kam2010 said:


> In high school I did a lot of "hiding"...I had depression but didn't know it, which made me extremely tired and I slept a lot in my free time. I think sleeping was an escape for me.


I did this too. depression is very tiresome. The first thing I always did when I get home is lie down in bed and sleep for 2 - 3 hours. Oblivion was paradise for me...and still is.


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## onlyxone

In highschool, during lunch I'd hide in a bathroom stall if I had no one to sit with. It would be really bad if girls came in there and talked for a while, because I didn't want them to think I was being weird for being in the stall too long but I'd just hide until the bell rang and they left. 

I wore jackets all the time too, no matter the weather or how hot the classroom was. I'd never take it off.

If we had an assembly, I'd have someone come pick me up early, or I'd try to leave early. If I couldn't, I'd hide in the bathroom.

I'd also always try to be the second person in the classroom. I never wanted to be first because I didn't want to have to converse with the teacher but I also didn't want to be last because I didn't want everyone staring at me when I came in.

It's funny, I've been out of highschool for a couple of years and I still do some of this stuff. I've even skipped job interviews and lied when people asked me how it went. :/


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## future idiot

The school I went to during high school is just a walking distance to and from our house. I always loved "socializing" but my SA kept me silent all the time.
After class, instead of going home, like most of the students do I stay up and just sit somewhere where people will pass by. Hoping that someone would talk to me(im always muted so everyday I dont get my fair share of chit chatting) and this upsets me(and always left my day feeling incomplete). I stay for hours after class until im the only student that is left in the campus(still hoping desperately for someone to stop by and chat). When someone would ask what am I still doing there after the class was long over, I would answer, "Im waiting for someone to pick me up".


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## hyacinthgirl5

I will wait until everyone in the house is asleep before I go downstairs to get my night-time snack. 

I'll leave the house before anyone comes home so I don't have to deal with telling them where I am going. 

In high school, I used to pretend to be busy working on something so the teacher wouldn't call on me. 

At a party once, I felt so overwhelmed, I walked out without telling the people I was with, who ended up getting pissed at me.


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## Freiheit

When I see someone I know when I'm out somewhere I try to hide or never make eye contact so that they don't talk to me...because I realized that if I make eye contact, people are more likely to talk to me, and that gives me anxiety because it means that they notice me and are looking at me...and I dislike attention...I think I have one of the worst cases of SA.


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## secretlyshecries

I've skipped the last three days of my course but because I've recently moved back to my old house, it's too far to walk home (plus my dad is there virtually everyday) so rather than just hang around there, I have to kill seven hours before going back to my mum's car and pretending I went to class. I hate skipping days but it's a vicious cycle for me. I don't go because I see myself in a reflective surface and decide I look too **** to walk into a room full of people who will stare at me, or I discover I'm running late and don't want everyone noticing. I have weird reasons for skipping it really. I imagine myself explaining it to people and just shake my head at how absurd it sounds.

I like to write so I spent most of those days just writing all day, at the lake and/or this bushy kind of secluded area across the _road _from the lake. I find it's dangerous when I discover areas like this because I'll purposefully not go to the place I'm meant to be going and head right there instead. The weird thing is, the second day I skipped, I don't even really know why. It was out of laziness more than anything; I just didn't _feel _like going. And then of course I get anxious over taking so many days off and Thursday, the last day of my week, came, and I was too anxious to go because I thought going back for just one more day seems pointless. Now I'm a bit worried about Monday because I'll probably be really behind, and I know I have no one but myself to blame and I like to think that my habits will change but I don't think they will.

Another thing that is so difficult about my course days is the fact that I have no friends. The first day went fairly well; we had to do a group getting-to-know-you type activity and I was talking lots and laughing with the people in my group and basically just being myself. But then I skipped the next day, I don't even remember why, I just freaked out. Then I went back the day after that, guilty as hell over skipping a day and _promising_ myself I wouldn't do it again (ha ha haaa :roll), and being me of course I worried over silly things like 'will our seats be the same?' And it turned out everyone was sitting in the same spot, except for one of the girls at my table who had become friends with the other girl. So now they're friends, and I have a quiet guy sitting next to me who seems nice but I find hard to initiate conversation with (I also worry that it'll go nowhere given he's pretty quiet himself and I don't really know what his interests are so you know, it might be awkward).

We have a morning break, and most people in the class just sit out on this balcony outside our room, having drinks/snacks and chatting, but I always walk downstairs, too scared to try and join in with the rest of them. It makes me feel like an outcast and I wonder how everyone else perceives me. I've spent a lot of my breaks in toilets too, like a lot of these other posts.

I think making myself go everyday would be easier if I didn't have so many damn breaks. There's the morning one, then lunch, then one or two more in the afternoon. It's just too much time that I have nothing to do it. At least if it was all work, all the time I would be too _busy _to focus on how lonely I am.


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## sdsm

I rehearse every phone call / face to face conversations prior to having them. I procrastinate alot with anything that involves having to speak with persons. I am uncomfortable shopping / making returns. I really really hate arguments / confrontations. I can barely speak my opinion / thought. I end up being perceived as a snob (all the time) because I have a hard time being the first to acknowledge people (like saying hello). I rarely take phone calls, until they go to vmail first so that I have a clear idea of the reason for the call. I have a hard time with any aspect of intimacy (hugs, kisses, etc). Sadly, this list can go on and on....


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## layitontheline

Yesterday I was a few meters away from the bus stop when my bus came, but I was too embarrassed to run and potentially miss it anyways, so I just doddled along as though I didn't need that bus and had to wait 15 minutes for the next. I do this far too much. I need to become comfortable with running in public. Run like a crazy cat on fire, runnnnnnn.


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## heyJude

I hate walking outside in a parking lot while facing oncoming traffic/cars passing by, so I intentionally walk the opposite way so the cars won't see me. I'm afraid someone will open their windows and yell or laugh at me.


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## polardude18

The only thing I can think of is when my parents would ask me who I sat with at lunch, and I would make people up because I did not want to tell them I had no one to sit with. Also at school whenever I had a question or needed to teacher to sign something for me, I would always do it either before class or after class cause I was too scared to ask her in front of the class.


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## writingupastorm

I always check my fly to make sure it's not down before I go in any place. I really need to break this habit because I'm sure it looks weird and I don't think I have caught my fly down once yet.


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## VC132

I walk fast, everywhere. There was thread made here earlier about it, I remember.


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## Josie

I usually wait to check the mail until early the next morning, because most people check it around mail time and the kids are out in the afternoon. 

When I'm expecting a delivery I keep the lights off and turn the TV down low, then listen for the truck to leave before I go out and get my package. Once, I was sick and my parents were shipping a heavy, important package, but I was home alone so I had to answer the door and have him put it inside the door. When I answered, the man looked shocked and said, "You're not usually home!"

If I get a message from someone, I avoid that website completely until I gather the courage to respond and say I've been too busy to get on. Except, I have a lot going on right now, so it's a mostly legitimate excuse (I go online even when I have things to do).


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## dragonborn

The most awkward thing I probably do because of social anxiety is, when I glance at a girl I like, and she glances back at me, I pull out my cell phone and pretend I'm texting 

Of course, that's just ONE of the awkward things I do lol


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## Aphexfan

Have conversations with myself like all the time :um (when i know im alone)


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## AlanJs

onlyxone said:


> I wore jackets all the time too, no matter the weather or how hot the classroom was. I'd never take it off.


Same. I use to always get people say "you must be sweating in that jacket". Wearing a Jacket use to make me feel more confident for some reason.


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## pinkcupcake

Reading this almost brought tears to my eyes too. I wasn't allowed to leave school early or anything like that but I always felt alone at lunch- pretended I had to do homework. I think I also went my whole 12 years of school without going to the bathroom during the school day- well a few times I did- but I would hold it all day until I got home. One time in first grade though i ended up wetting my pants because I was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom.

I also did that hiding in dorm rooms stuff- if someone knocked on the door I wouldn't answer it, I never had anyone to eat with at the college cafeterias too, so I would get to go food or just eat in my room- I would rather spend my own money and get my own food at a store than use my food card and eat alone at a cafeteria. The problem was I had no one to eat with me!


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## trendyfool

Something weird I used to do: when I got to school late, I was too scared to go to my class late because that would involve signing in late and making a big entrance. So instead I would go to an uber-sketchy street corner a few blocks away from school, and sit in a bus stop pretending to wait for a bus. then when the next class started, I would walk into school.

wait. Used to?? I did that two weeks ago...


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## Tess4u

layitontheline said:


> Yesterday I was a few meters away from the bus stop when my bus came, but I was too embarrassed to run and potentially miss it anyways, so I just doddled along as though I didn't need that bus and had to wait 15 minutes for the next. I do this far too much. I need to become comfortable with running in public. Run like a crazy cat on fire, runnnnnnn.


Ditto^^^ wish I could run without thinking theirs probably a person in a car pointing and laughing "haha they're running for their bus" or having the most embarrassing time trying to find a seat and walk past all those people on the bus once I get on!!!:/


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## changeforthebetter

trendyfool said:


> Something weird I used to do: when I got to school late, I was too scared to go to my class late because that would involve signing in late and making a big entrance. So instead I would go to an uber-sketchy street corner a few blocks away from school, and sit in a bus stop pretending to wait for a bus. then when the next class started, I would walk into school.
> 
> wait. Used to?? I did that two weeks ago...


i was walking up to the bus stop and realised that a bus to where i want to go was just about to leave, i didnt want to make a big scene about running up and trying to stop it in-case it started to drive away as i ran up to it, so i just sat there and waited half an hour for the next bus, FML


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## Karsten

I once dropped $40 dollars out of my pocket at the train station, but was too anxious to turn around and pick it up. Pathetic.


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## fictionmachine

- stop when the bus stop instead of telling them I want to stop nearer to my house (we can do that in my country, I don't have the guts to say it)

- literally run when bumping into someone I know in public place

- skip lunch. I just buy snacks and juice, eat it alone discreetly in the library (it's not even allowed to eat in the library but what the hell)


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## mus

pinkcupcake said:


> One time in first grade though i ended up wetting my pants because I was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom.


I did that too, first day of sixth grade. 

Let's see though..

-I remember in high school, I would frequently "miss" the bus so my dad would have to drive me to school. One day, I purposefully missed the bus going home, even though I knew my parents were out of town and of course, they were my only ride and it definitely wasn't walking distance from the school to their house. I was at the public library until it closed, and was asked if I had a ride home, and I said no. Thankfully, a cop gave me a ride home.

-Texting makes my anxiety really bad for some reason. It sometimes takes me 2+ weeks to respond to texts.. and I frequently give excuses like, "Oh, I lost my phone" or that it died, and that's why I didn't text them back. Sometimes, I just turn my phone off so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not as bad with phone calls. I am bad about emails and messages, though.

-Also, showing up to class really early, before anyone else. I dislike walking into an already full classroom and being stared at.. oh, god, and especially on the first day of the semester, when no one's talking to each other yet and everyone stares. ughh.

I'm sure there's more that I can't think of right now. :b


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## Crystallize

My mom sells jewlery on ebay and sometimes she will ask me to take some packages to the post office. It makes me so nervous that I'll drive slow and instead of turning into the post office I just make a u-turn and go home. I hide the packages under the passenger seat and have my boyfriend take them the next day or something. The whole drive there and back I wonder when I will hide the packages because I don't want my mom to see me doing it and I don't want to pull over anywhere to do it because I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I just do it in the driveway and hope my mom doesn't happen to look out the window or anything.

The first day of 8th grade the bus driver asked if anyone else lived past a certain point and I tried to tell her that I did but she never heard me. I ended up being the last person on the bus, it was pouring rain, and I was crying. She said she though she remembered where she picked me up that morning and drove to a street and I pointed at a random house and told her it was mine. I had no idea where it was because we had only just moved there. I got off the bus and pretended to walk up to a house until the bus was gone and started walking around trying to find out where I was. A car pulled up beside me and asked me if I needed a ride and I said yes because I thought I saw a girl I had met at school that day in the back (it turned out I didn't know whe the hell they were). I finally found my street and made it home but it sucked because I was crying and soaking wet.


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## Tess4u

Crystallize said:


> My mom sells jewlery on ebay and sometimes she will ask me to take some packages to the post office. It makes me so nervous that I'll drive slow and instead of turning into the post office I just make a u-turn and go home. I hide the packages under the passenger seat and have my boyfriend take them the next day or something. The whole drive there and back I wonder when I will hide the packages because I don't want my mom to see me doing it and I don't want to pull over anywhere to do it because I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I just do it in the driveway and hope my mom doesn't happen to look out the window or anything.
> 
> The first day of 8th grade the bus driver asked if anyone else lived past a certain point and I tried to tell her that I did but she never heard me. I ended up being the last person on the bus, it was pouring rain, and I was crying. She said she though she remembered where she picked me up that morning and drove to a street and I pointed at a random house and told her it was mine. I had no idea where it was because we had only just moved there. I got off the bus and pretended to walk up to a house until the bus was gone and started walking around trying to find out where I was. A car pulled up beside me and asked me if I needed a ride and I said yes because I thought I saw a girl I had met at school that day in the back (it turned out I didn't know whe the hell they were). I finally found my street and made it home but it sucked because I was crying and soaking wet.


Omg poor you :squeeze:hug
Sry you had to go through that especially with the unknown driver...i would of **** my pants if that was me...but nonetheless you made it out alive and your okay!


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## Tess4u

The minute i leave my house i dash quickly to the car like my life depends on it.

I never leave out the trash cause i don't want my neighbors to see me!

I used to make my friends pick me up a block away from my house, cause i didnt want my neighbors to see me(don't ask, i just don't like my neighbors)


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## kamrynsays

in 7th grade I went to a public school and it was DREADFUL. These big, dangerous looking girls that called themselves 'da black gangstas' would always make fun of me in class, 24/7. the Stupid teacher didn't do anything about it either.
Anyways I would skip class and hide in a bathroom stall. Sometimes I even did it before school to skip the first 2 classes I had so I could avoid those stupid *** girls.
My teachers would track me down and I would tell them "I had a dentist appointment" or something but eventually those girls ratted me out..
The funny thing is one of the girls got pregnant and dropped out of highschool. She works at an Applebees as a waiter. I was wearing a hat and colored contacts so she definetly didn't recognize me. Then when i got my meal, i took off my hat, and I pissedddd herrr off. I know I sound rude, but she killed my self esteem.


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## daniel1989

I used to be afraid to leave the house now i've gotten to the point where i can sleep on a train full of strangers lol.


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## ThisGuy

Completely ignore girls I find attractive or halfway decent looking. I won't say anything to them, act like they aren't there, or look their way despite their being right in front of me, unless they break the ice and initiate a conversation with me. What's even more sad is that 99.9% of the time I'm dying on the inside to say something, ANYTHING to them. Terrible habit that I hope doesn't haunt me forever.


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## keaze

Turn my head away when the driver of the car in front is looking at me through his mirror. UGH. Terrible habit.


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## kozmicat

i hate to talk on the phone. just hearing the phone ring makes me break out into a sweat!


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## Tacoma Tiger

One time I drove with my friends to a college football game. As soon as I got in the parking lot, I saw all the college kids walking around. They were really intimidating (I'm in high school) and I was so nervous. I drove out of the parking lot, and we went to see a movie instead. Good times.


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## katling

kozmicat said:


> i hate to talk on the phone. just hearing the phone ring makes me break out into a sweat!


Ugh, me too. There are only a few people that I don't mind talking with on the phone, and I have a special ring tone set for those people, so at least I don't freak out _every_ time I get a call. Without that ring tone, I hear the phone ring and my heart starts pounding until I can get to my phone and look at the caller ID. The worst is when it comes up as 'unknown' or 'restricted'... I just sit there with the phone in my hand thinking about who it could possibly be and whether I would be prepared to have a conversation with them


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## Popularity

kamrynsays said:


> These big, dangerous looking girls that called themselves 'da black gangstas'





keaze said:


> Turn my head away when the driver of the car in front is looking at me through his mirror. UGH. Terrible habit.


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## arpeggiator

mus said:


> -Also, showing up to class really early, before anyone else. I dislike walking into an already full classroom and being stared at.. oh, god, and especially on the first day of the semester, when no one's talking to each other yet and everyone stares. ughh.


I do the opposite, I arrive class right on time or a bit late just to avoid being there sitting alone while everyone is talking with their friends. But I don't look at anyone when I enter class.
Also some people have pointed out that 'I misteriously dissapear in breaks between classes'. I don't know what to say, if they knew...

Surely someone has said it, but I avoid elevators and use the stairs if possible. When people ask I say I do it to stay fitter.


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## sabahan

------------------


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## man w/ no name

-When I leave my apartment, I ignore everyone with a passion. I get really nervous and completely shut off. It's a shame really there are a lot of interesting people in my neighborhood. Most of them have dogs, I pretend that I'm afraid of them and walk away. 
-In school, I used to do the cafeteria disappearing act also, I spent many days in the library. 
-Also, in school and at my former job/internship, I used to always enter from the back door in order to avoid social interaction with people and co-workers. This meant walking and parking farther than I had to in order to enter my job and school. At work I would go straight to my cubicle and hide there for the remainder of the day.
-There are so many weird things that I do when driving, one is when is when I'm parallel parking, if there are people around (other cars) I usually avoid parking, just because I'm afraid what they will think, if I can't reverse into the spot. Weird.


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## shy girl

I spent several months standing alone in random corridors and staircases around school at lunch and breaktime to avoid being around people. If I saw someone approaching me I would walk away as quickly as possible in case they spoke to me. I would sometimes eat while standing in corridors or on the stairs to avoid sitting on my own in the lunch hall. Of course, as soon as the library opened I would hide in there.


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## kamrynsays

I'd try to leave early from school. But our school had alot of POs so I hid in the bathrooms alot :/


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## michaelmyers

I also never wanted to go to the lunch room, because I'd be sitting alone. So everyday I'd try to go to the library. But some days it wasn't open that period. One day it wasn't open so I stood in the stairwell right outside the library for the entire period. And when if someone walked by or down the stairs, I bent down and acted like I was tying my shoe.


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## Lasair

I run to the bathroom when I get anxious and then when I need the bathroom I get too anxious to get up and leave!


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## sarafinanickelbocker

I went to a dinner theater with my sister the other night and she made me sit on the inside seats back-to-back with another table. It was intermission and I needed to stretch my legs, but the other people stood up too. I squished next to the wall, and it was a tight squeeze, so as not to touch them and when our waiter came, he was probably 15 or 16 years old, I felt so awkward in that spot that when he asked how the show was I just nodded and looked at him uncomfortably. It's hard to explain, but I felt weird there.


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## kikiwi

i went to my cousins wedding party and the performer(singer) pointed at me and said i looked sad. after i got up and went to the back of the room and cried my eyes out

i didn't want to say excuse me to my subject teacher to go catch a bus that was carrying my form class to a field trip. they forgot me. i was left back.

when i was like 9yrs i was so scared to ask the teacher to go use the wash room.i was in alot of pain.

i let people bully me when i was a kid. i was too scared to say anything.


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## celiloquy

Too many to count, buuut...

*I always wait until it's dark outside, or at the very least until no one else is around, before leaving the house. 

*When I was a kid, my grandma forced me to go to Sunday School. We'd do all these dumb games and activities in the basement, and instead of playing games, which involved social interaction, I'd literally hide behind one of the pillars until the games were over. 

*On the rare occasions that my mother has people over, I will seriously hide in the basement until they leave. I did that just last week, and I was down in that nasty, dank, moldy, freezing basement for like an hour. Shockingly enough, I got sick after that! But, hey, it was that or actually have to interact with people. I call it a decent trade.


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## IcemanKilmer

It's basically just a bunch of times I walked places. I didn't have the guts to ask for a ride so i walked to and from school every day, including school dances.


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## izuhbelluh

I was on the bus today, and it was SO packed, like I had never seen SO many people on a bus at the same time. My step dad was going to pick me up at a shopping center, and I was sitting on the middle of the bus, with an elderly lady next to me, and the isle- up and down was croweded with people.

Needless to say, I was too embarrassed to ring for the bus to stop at the shopping center, that I got off about 2 miles away at the bus depot. Not so bad, because it wasn't that far, but ugh, I felt lame.


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## celiloquy

Just remembered a couple more:

*I will never answer the phone... at all, unless it's one of my parents. Me and the phone, man... not happening.

But also,

*I will never answer the door, at all, unless it's UPS, or unless I'm actually expecting someone. Sometimes, I will actually hide on the floor under the window to make sure the person at the door can't see me. 

So... me and the door... also not happening.


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## izuhbelluh

Oh, and while I was on the bus today, this is before the not getting off at my stop happened.

A few stops after I got on, a girl I kind of know got on the bus, and ended up sitting on the seat directly across from me.
We had a class together, and we hung out a couple times after but that was it. I did kind of want to say hi, but NOT on a nosy bus with hella people, so for about 30 minutes I looked out the window and tried my hardest not to look in her direction- which was hard because she was directly to my left. Luckily, that said elderly lady mentioned in my previous post sat next to me, and that made me feel better, but I felt so lame! I couldn't even say hi. I wouldn't have minded if I saw her in a store or something, but the bus with people every which way? no thanks.


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## frillylove

While on campus, sometimes I'll just go stand in a bathroom stall to get some peace and quiet.


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## Freiheit

Yeah I hide in the bathroom a lot just to get away from public eye because I get overwhelmed when I'm around people for an extended period of time...I also don't look up into people's faces to keep them from trying to have a conversation with me..


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## cflage

I made a $1 donation to MS research yesterday and got a name-engraved pocket knife in return--but the thing is, I couldn't find _my_ name in the bin, so I found the name of someone I knew in my choir (Ralph) and decided to try to make it a gift to him. It'd help my sociability, I reasoned.

So I went up to Ralph at rehearsal and said "Ralph, blah blah blah, here's a knife with your name on it." But that Ralph was actually _Robert_. And he politely declined. Embarrassing.

We all had a little laugh, and then someone whispered to me that the real Ralph _just came in_. So I went up to who I thought it was and said "Ralph, blah blah blah, here's a knife with your name on it." And that Ralph was actually _Tim_. So we all had a laugh again.

And then the knife, being cheaply made, broke apart, and so I couldn't even give it to the _real _Ralph. I'm goofy.


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## Cruella

One time in the train I got off one station later because I didn't know how to open these stupid old school doors and nobody else got off so I couldn't see how to do it. And I was too embarrassed to try. Luckily someone opened the door at the next station ><

In primary school I peed myself because I was too anxious to ask if I could go to the toilet. I can't quite remember how it went down but I think I tried to get out after the bells were ringing and I went home  It was terrible....But I don't remember anyone seeing me or say something. After this incident I always was able to ask if I could go to the toilet. Thank god...

Also in these long breaks we had at primary school, there were times when I had absolutely no one to play with so I went up and down along this one wall, trying to be invisible to the other kids...I think I did that for a year...

One time I had this stupid ballerina whatever outfit for carnival and after my mother dropped me and my brother off, I hid behind a car while the other kids were playing outside until we had to go inside.

And something that happened not so long ago....uhm, there was this party for the people in the first semester at my college and stupid as I am I went there or at least I tried :roll I got there pretty early and I could see from outside that there were just a few people in there and I couldn't get myself to go inside, so I went across the street to be out of sight because I would be screwed if someone just came to go inside while I was standing there. The thing is I tried to force myself to go in there and went around the streets arguing with myself, trying not to be seen by anyone who knows me. It was so damn stupid! I think I was doing it for like 2 hours or so just to go to the train station then and drive home. I hated myself -.-

And then there was another party that we from the first semester had to organize so I had to go there or I thought I had to because I wanted to help. Lucky as I am I got the very latest shift at the coat check :roll
I didn't know before so I was already there and put my coat in another room. Before I realised I had to kill like almost 4 hours at the party I couldn't go get my coat and run off till my shift started. So I went to the bar and said hi to the one girl I knew best back then, she had her shift there. Why the hell am I always so freakin stupid??? I didn't know if we had to pay for the entry ourselves but I had to pay like 3euros and I had only 5 with me >< I stood at the bar most of the time without buying any drink. I went out and played with my phone, acting like I was busy doing whatever. Later when there were more people I bought punch and just wandered around drinking. The music was way too loud for my ears I thought I would be deaf after this party >< Oh how I hated it. I didn't have the guts to talk to anyone and nobody talked to me except like to words or so.
Before I would suffer a sudden hearing loss I decided to go outside but it was too cold so I spent my time at the coat check already one hour before my shift. It was okay back there except I almost said anything and this one girl had to notice it and I hated myself even more....what the hell was I thinking coming to this party??? New life, new people and I already am the weird quiet girl. Great! Arrgh... My shift was okay but this freakin last coat!!!! oh man, I really am the freakin luckiest person on earth :sus
So at first me and the other girl had to wait like half an hour till this guy showed up for his coat and then he talked to us and also had to notice how quiet I am and blah, yeah well eff you and just go! But no, he had to talk and talk and then he asked me if there was a chance to get to know me and I wasn't prepared for that, I absolutely didn't know what to say and also couldn't say anything because of my sm so I just shook my head and after a felt eternity he left. What I hated the most about it was that the other girl saw it and had to talk for me and blah -.-
So this was the evening I decided to never go to a party again!!!! NEVER EVER AGAIN!!!!


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## SuperSky

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes... Oh wait, no I don't. Nevermind.

I try to avoid people I know if there's no easy way to end the conversation on my own terms or even on theirs. Public transport being the main one, but also when I saw my brother's friend hanging around on his own at uni. I should've said hi, but then where was the conversation going after that? I barely know the kid. And we were both hanging around listening to the band playing so it'd be "Ok, well... I have to go stand over here now..." And so I just didn't say hi to him.


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## Justsimplyme

If I see someone that I know, like a childhood friend or someone from my old school in the supermarket I run away and hide in the baby-food and diaper section cus noone is ever there. 

When riding a bus I sometimes take of my jacket and put it over my head and imagine I'm not there. According to my friends ppl look at me like I'm an idiot. Well, noone can blame them, I guess it does look wierd covering up your head like that in public.


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## sotos

Cruella said:


> In primary school I peed myself because I was too anxious to ask if I could go to the toilet. I can't quite remember how it went down but I think I tried to get out after the bells were ringing and I went home  It was terrible....But I don't remember anyone seeing me or say something. After this incident I always was able to ask if I could go to the toilet. Thank god...


Ah that happened to me to, I was only 4 or 5 at the time and I remember a puddle forming around me. Then I went home and remeber crying my eyes out saying, "i don't wanna go to school anymore". Bad times :|


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## Aphexfan

I always avoid people that I had a class with unless they talk to me first or say hi to me, cause Im always afraid that their not gonna know who I am or even like me at all :hide


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## sea glass

mmm ... I just try to avoid people. I'll quickly change my direction just to walk somewhere else and pretend I didn't see them. I don't answer my door either. And I dread going to the checkout line at the supermarket. Naturally, I always get the chatty checker. :roll


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## TheDaffodil

Hm...I don't think I let myself do weird things anymore. I do weird things when I am not used to an environment...but everywhere I go have to go I am used to now so I don't do as many weird things. Like when I first started classes I would purposely go to bathrooms which are out of my way because I know not as many people will be there but now it don't. I just prepare myself for the fact that a lot of people will be in a bathroom. Of course I may have a bad day and choose otherwise but for the most part all the weirdness is kept inside I think haha.


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## LifeGoesOn

Aphexfan said:


> I always avoid people that I had a class with unless they talk to me first or say hi to me, cause Im always afraid that their not gonna know who I am or even like me at all :hide


Aww... I like you! :love

:squeeze :kiss


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## tiffany88

Not eat for a whole day because we have guests staying over and I refuse to go out of my room until they leave.


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## foodie

.


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## usernamegoeshere

While living in a uni dorm I spent several months staying in my room, leaving only to buy food, booze or drugs, or check in with family. It was great, except a little awkward when I didn't manage to escape unnoticed.


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## steps

try to avoid people and pretend I don't see them, hoping they don't see me. I take the long way sometimes to avoid them. I don't think its actually talking to people that scares me, its just the fear of starting the conversation to begin with... if that makes sense. the beginning is always the hardest -_-


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## InMyDreams55

Avoiding people
Ignoring phone calls
Ignoring when people ring the doorbell. (Weird i know) 

Err.....i'm sure theirs more.


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## diamondheart89

-Ignoring the doorbell
-Avoiding crowded places


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## noyadefleur

-Don't ask for help when I need it.
-Never make phone calls to people I don't know.
-Whenever a teacher says to get in a group or partners, I just sit there and if no one summons me into their group, I work alone.


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## NmE

uncategorizedme said:


> -Don't ask for help when I need it.
> -Never make phone calls to people I don't know.
> -Whenever a teacher says to get in a group or partners, I just sit there and if no one summons me into their group, I work alone.


I was about to post these things... but never mind


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## Rocklee96

uncategorizedme said:


> -Don't ask for help when I need it.
> -Never make phone calls to people I don't know.
> -Whenever a teacher says to get in a group or partners, I just sit there and if no one summons me into their group, I work alone.





NmE said:


> I was about to post these things... but never mind


Same.


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## MojoCrunch

Pick the crap out of my left eyelashes.


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## Orchid20

Spent $300+ at Sephora on things I had no intention of buying upon going in, only because the sales person was so charming and convincing, and I felt too awkward to say, no, this stuff is way too expensive, please leave me alone.

An hour later I returned everything at a different Sephora. What a waste of time. I am so dumb.


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## midnightstars

Orchid20 said:


> Spent $300+ at Sephora on things I had no intention of buying upon going in, only because the sales person was so charming and convincing, and I felt too awkward to say, no, this stuff is way too expensive, please leave me alone.
> 
> An hour later I returned everything at a different Sephora. What a waste of time. I am so dumb.


don't feel so bad. i know someone without SA who did the same thing.


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## Tess4u

Not answering the phone
Stopped talking the public bus
Can't go anywhere without my phone or iPod( i don't know what I'd do without them for their my distraction)


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## AllanMaso

If someone is walking towards me on the sidewalk, I'll go to the sidewalk on the other side of the street and continue on.
I'll say "you too" sometimes when I get thanked by clerks or cashiers. And I thank people for pointless things.
I pretend to text, but I know a lot of people here probably do that.
Sometimes I try too hard to walk normal that I stumble a bit.
At work, I go out to my car and eat lunch.
Most of my family doesn't know my interests. So I pretend to be entertained by sports like they are, but with much less enthusiasm.
When I'm walking in someone's direction in a hallway, my eyes dart back and forth between them and the floor.
The few times I've been out with people I don't know, and we get on the subject of what TV shows, music, and hobbies we enjoy, I just say "I dunno" When they ask how I don't know, I lock up and have to wait on someone to break the silence. I listen to a lot of ethereal music...It's hard to explain to people what that is, and I watch a lot of anime. Almost no one I know likes anime.


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## crimsoncora

Wow your superman walking five miles in that heat

Ummm i act like am asleep to avoid talking to chatty guests lol....or i just suck it up and chat with them. :/


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## TheStrangeOnes

*Weird stuff*

I've suffered from SA for most of my life [I'm a man of 50, but feel like a 20 year old!!:blush].
Some weird stuff:
Zebra crossings, traffic lights and traffic islands are particularly anxiety-provoking. On the odd occasion, a car will stop to let me cross if I'm standing at a traffic isle and it may seem strange, but I HATE this.:um I just feel so self-conscious acknowledging the driver with a wave. I sort of feel that I'm not waving in the right way and that the driver will be thinking I'm weird. I know it's irrational, but I feel as if my every move is being watched and criticised. If I cross at a zebra crossing I'll time it so that I cross when the cars are a good distance away, so that I won't feel that I'm putting the drivers out- if that makes any sense?!! As for traffic lights. If there are other people about to cross and the symbol flashes green, I mostly avoid rushing to cross even if I'm just a short distance away. I don't mind standing with other people waiting, but having to run while the amber light's flashing, NO WAY!! Usually, even if I'm just a short distance away, I'll stop walking and pretend to feel in my pocket as if I've lost something and then walk more slowly to the traffic lights once they've turned red again. I've done this countless times and I'm sure the neighbours looking out of their windows think I'm a real jerk.:lol
Before leaving my flat, I'll listen at the door to make sure the neighbours aren't around.
The walking in the wrong direction and pretending I've forgotten something thing- I've done that loads of times.:teeth
I hate making eye contact even with family and close friends. I don't take in anything people are saying as I'm too worried about what they might be thinking about me.
Another REALLY weird thing is I hate using people's names when I'm speaking to them- even friends and family!!:sus This is something I've never been able to explain and I doubt I ever will. It really does make me anxious though.


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## eitherway

On the walk (talking on the phone or in person), I shut up in the middle of the sentence, if someone passes...


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## changeforthebetter

sometimes i see people i know and i want to say hi / interact with them but i dont have it in me to say anything so i just sort of look in their direction and try to catch their eye waiting/wanting them to notice me, they usually say hi after i have been 'staring at them'


----------



## ThisGuy

Looking at someone walking towards me with the intention of saying something to them, but the approach anxiety gets me, and instead we just stare until we've passed each other.

Not being able to talk about my interests because I'm worried about what others will think.


----------



## Citrine

Listening to my ipod when it is really off.


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## antonio1

Some of the worst would be 
-lived in the woods for about a week as i accidentally shaved my head bald and was extremely paranoid to show anybody. 
-driving for hours wasting gas to avoid doing something i have to
-walking down crowded hallways i always feel someone staring at me and when i finally pass them i take a deep breath and get scared like they're going to start barking at me
- that reminds me, i get scared as hell everytime i see a dog, barking makes me sh!t my pants


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## mellie

Seems like a lot of people on here have or had similar issues to me, but still...

When I was in college the year I lived alone I became afraid to leave my room. If I had to take a shower or use the bathroom or anything I'd look out the peephole and listen to make sure nobody was in the hall before I came out. I'd also turn the lights off on like a Friday or Saturday night so people wouldn't know I was home alone again. 

I avoided eating in public as much as possible. At one of my jobs, during my lunch hour I would drive around in my car while eating just so I wouldn't have to eat at the shared table at work. (Can't believe I did that, such a waste of gas!)

My anxiety was worst in college since it was such a forced social living arrangement. Now with my own space things have gotten a lot less weird. I've been out of school for about 5 years and with time I've gotten over a lot of my worst tendencies.


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## mellamobrittney

Oh, wow. What a relief it is to read all of these! Not that I'm happy that anyone else has to go through all this...but atleast I know that A: I'm not a complete pyscho, and B: I'm not alone.
I can pretty much identify with all of these, but the main ones would be that I always carry my cell phone or something in my hands because I hate walking with my hands free. I never quite know what to do with them?

When I lived in the dorms at school, the cafeteria on campus had "to-go" boxes, so I would always tell the person that swipes your ID that I needed a to-go box because I was late for work and I had to hurry...I didn't even have a job. haha. And then one day, the cafeteria quit handing out to-go boxes because I guess they were eating up the budget, so I always came to eat right before closing so nobody would think I was a loser for sitting by myself. (I also ate in the library or sometimes the bathroom in high school, depending on which librarian was on duty. There was a nice one that didn't care if you ate, then there was an evil one. lol.)


----------



## i just want luv

I was playin ball *by myself* at a park when a girl came up to me, she started talkin to me and shooting with me. I was planning on staying at the park for a while, but she literally stood there with me for like 20 minutes. 

I had to get out of there because I was having to many awkward moments. I was gettn nervous, started shooting air balls, my mind blanked out and she started laughing.
I told her I had to go.........

So I start walking home and guess what, she started walking with me! 
I didnt know what to do or say. I really couldn't handle her knowing where I lived. 
After the first awkward long block I told her I lived 4 miles away and told her she wouldnt want to go there. ( my house was around the corner)

So she heads one way I head further away from home and keep going further for about 15 minutes. Then I stopped and waited another 15 minutes to rest.
Then I get up and SPRINT as fast as I can to home.

I imagine I looked really wierd running like my life depended on it down the sidewalk past all the neighbors. I stop to make sure the coast was clear on the block she went down, then I run even faster. 
When I made it to my street I threw the ball at my door and mom rushed to open the door as I ran in.

Im so wierd.......... A normal person would make a relationship this day, but not me :rain


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## lonesome36

In 10th grade I sat at a computer room playing chess instead of going to lunch. I don't like chess..but I made up this story about how compelling the game was just to keep up a facade. Was to SAD for regular lunch with people.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

This guy who works at my local grocery store, he's in another post, remembered me today. I walked around the backside of the store to be sure to avoid him the rest of the time I was there and avoided eye contact on the way out. Ack! Why does he remember me?

I feel like such a baby.


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## lyssado707

When i'm eating in the study area in the library, i always have to grab a book and pretend to read when someone is about to walk past me. No one needs to know i use the place as a cafeteria cuz i'm too scared to go to the real cafeteria hehe.


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## usernamegoeshere

When I lived in a university dorm I'd sometimes put my helmet (motorbike) on before even leaving my room because in a weird way it walled me off from having to stop and talk in case I happened to run into someone in the hallway.


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## uhhhbrandon

Sometimes I want to say something, but then I change my mind as I'm saying it and it comes out as a whisper.


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## luctus

You know, it's weird. While I can relate to so many of these stories, and have done all the avoidant things at one time or another, I have a serious mean-streak, a bit of a devilish misanthropy.
I was so fed up with my fear in senior year in highschool. I was as solitary as ever, but furious. I hated everyone. I would sit in the cafeteria by myself everyday and actually drive people away, even if they were nice. Once a girl tried to befriend me (guess she felt sorry for me) and I came to school the next day with a stuffed animal, told her it was my best friend, gave it a name, and was pleased that she considered me "psycho" after that.
I once threatened a boy's life, because he was harrassing me over having no friends. I asked him, "Do you want to die?" I guess it was convincing, because he never bothered me again after that.

Aside from these rare incidents of anti-social behavior, I have mostly followed the basic themes in this thread to a T.


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## TheStrangeOnes

It's kind of weird, but although I have severe SA, when people are unpleasant to me [especially over the phone], I find my anxiety disappears and I can be quite rude. Maybe it's cos I'm usually trying so hard to make people like me [or not judge me] that when someone is mean, they obviously don't care about me anyway....if that makes sense.:afr
Like today this horrid woman in the supermarket. For some reason she doesn't seem to like me. I've noticed with other customers it's "please", "thankyou," "bye bye now," but never with me. Well today I deliberately took ages counting the money before handing it over and I took the change without saying thankyou. I might sound really twisted, but I hate it when people think they can treat me like [email protected]#. My SA is severe enough to prevent me from working ,but like I've said, it's so strange how I become more assertive when folk aren't nice to me!!! 
Another weird thing is I walk in a strange way if there are people behind me, especially if it isn't a busy street.
I always make sure I'm wearing suitably smart clothes when I'm putting out the rubbish.
I also hate going out without a jacket.


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## atticusfinch

i didn't help an elderly blind woman cross the street this afternoon when she definitely could have used someone's aid and that aid was me seeing i was the only pedestrian around. 

people in their cars must have thought i had no soul.


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## frillylove

uncategorizedme said:


> -Don't ask for help when I need it.
> -Never make phone calls to people I don't know.
> -Whenever a teacher says to get in a group or partners, I just sit there and if no one summons me into their group, I work alone.


Yep. I do the same things.


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## TheStrangeOnes

atticusfinch said:


> i didn't help an elderly blind woman cross the street this afternoon when she definitely could have used someone's aid and that aid was me seeing i was the only pedestrian around.
> 
> people in their cars must have thought i had no soul.


Terrible as it may seem, there's no way I would have helped if I'd been in that situation. I'm not a callous person, but the anxiety is completely overpowering.:blank


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## Josie

My boyfriend and his mom got into a huge argument over me because she misunderstood something I said. I got so anxious I curled up in a ball and tried to hide in a corner for a good hour or so. I almost cleared out the closet to hide in there and pretend I didn't exist, but it was too stuffed. I felt pretty pathetic after that. ._.


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## spacebound_rocketship

My mom and I are living with her best friend and two sons while our house is being built.
I only eat dinner and I've lost so much weight.

During the day when my mom and her friend are at work, and one of the sons is at school I'm too afraid to leave the room in case the other son might be home and I'd have to talk to him (even though when he is home he's usually playing video games in the games room)

If I get too hungry I sneak to the outside drinks fridge and get an ice block.
So basically, I hide in the room all day with the tv, laptop and aircon.

BUT I'm moving to my home country in a month and it's gonna be sweeeeet.


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## mysterioussoul

my SA is not bad. it's just selective, but i freak out when someone comes over unexpectedly.

with my house when people come over they come in the back way and it's hard to hear them so whenever i'm in the back area and all of a sudden i hear someone coming and i don't have time to compose myself i would immediately go into the flight response and go quickly into this room and keep silent until they leave. if they're there with my parents and i know they're going to take a while i'll just suck it up and walk and say hi and go into my room.

i feel pathetic after but that's usually my reaction. it is sad for a 24 year old to be doing that.


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## Wacky Wednesdays

I used to work in a supermarket when I was a student and avoided having to shop there at all costs. Couldn't bear having to say hi to co-workers! It was only a 3minute walk from home but I'd drive a mile or two to the next supermarket for groceries...


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## roxslide

When I go shopping or walk around in places I'm afraid people will talk to me, I will call a friend so people leave me alone. That's not strange I think, but when I can't get a hold of somebody, I will actually pretend I'm on the phone and talk to myself so people don't talk to me hahaha

Around my apartment I hate being alone with my roommate so I will wait 5-10 seconds before opening any door, listening for sounds, if I hear her rustling around I'll sit back down and wait until she goes back into her room or leaves.

Yeah I also did the whole avoiding the cafeteria spiel in high school, eventually a teacher let me eat lunch in her room until I graduated. I also skipped a lot of classes, sitting in the bathroom and eventually sneaking out in later periods.

I've made up a million lies to friends and family, even to people in an academic setting to avoid social situations. Today, I lied to my mom about having to go to event with my friend so I wouldn't have to do a speech in my korean class, sigh, it's an awful habit to have.


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## celiloquy

A dumb little thing I do is to try to get out of a store as quickly as possible and not spend too much time in any one place. 

I'm always afraid someone will come over and either ask me if I need help, or accuse me of shoplifting. :no


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## NumeroUno

Bare in mind i'm 22. 

I get angry shopping if i'm with my girlfriend because I hate messing around in stores. I'm always making a big deal out of it lol

If somebody asks my help i'll often act like I don't know what to do so I don't come of as arrogant. Or if they're sure what they're doing is right I can see it isn't, i'd rather play dumb than correct them.

If my girlfriends mum has friends over and i'm upstairs when they arrive i'll wait it out to go down if I need anything, then wait a extra 15 mins when they've gone so it doesn't look weird. 

When I was like 15 I remember being to scared to use the toilet at the movies and came so close a couple of times to pee'ing myself. True. 

Pretty standard one but i'll often wear a hoodie just to put my hood up to cover my face.

At work I always check to see if anybody else is out smoking in the ''smoking area'' on break before I go out, i'll peak round the corner and if nobody is there i'll walk round, if it's somebody i'm awkward with i'll just stand there and smoke despite the fact we can get warnings for it. And i'll often have a 5 min break instead of 20-30 mins incase i'm stuck with anyone. 

I'll fake texting/calling/listening to music a hell of a lot, especially texting when i'm walking alone

The weirdest thing I ever did though which makes me look like a total weirdo is I physically blocked my bedroom door up and pretended to be asleep once to avoid my friends at the time. I felt so pathetic laid on my bed listening to them call me asking if I was awake and why they couldn't get in.


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## dullgirl82

I remember in kindergarten, I got stung by a bee on my hand and I was too afraid to even say anything to the teacher so I just sat there until finally my hand swelled up so much that she noticed and took me to the nurse( I'm allergic, but not deathly). In 1st grade my anxiety was so bad that I threw up as soon as I got to school everyday. I missed alot that year. In high school, I skipped alot so I didn't have to deal with anyone. Ive pretended to be sleeping to avoid conversations quite often. I wear headphones with the music blaring so people dont even bother talking to me......


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## zombiedaisy

I went to an alternative school for high school because of my SA and issues with people. I went in , got my assignments, and then sat in a hall for an hour (we were required to be on campus a few hours a week). I would sit there, do some homework alone, and then leave. In college, I wold go out to my car to eat, or just not eat at all. People would invite to go out to lunch, or sit with them, but I just couldnt do it. If I did stay in the building for lunch or during a break, I would find somewhere were most people didnt go sit and sit there alone (there was a quite room that most people didnt know about on the bottom floor of the building in the back corner... i went there a lot). 

I used to make people order for me at resaraunts because speaking to the waitress or looking them in the eye caused me so much anxiety. i still cant leave a messege on an answering machine, i wont answer the phone unless its someone I know, and I hate drive thru's and ordering through them (ive been able for the past couple of years, but before I would have to switch spots with my passanger so they could drive thru). 

When ive been employed or in clinical, i would take my lunches after everyone else so i didnt have to socialize (or have them attempt to socialize with me). I always made an excuse (oh i was really busy). I also avoided the break room. If i heard voices coming from within there, I wouldnt go in. I would find somewhere else to sit.


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## peytonfarquar

Luckily, according to my high school bus routeI was the last one dropped off. That was good. I always had a window seat so I could look out the window and not have to worry about making a social effort with the other kids. I would rather wait those extra 20 minutes to be dropped off last then to ask the person next to me to move and get up in front of all those people.

My senior year, it happened so that on Fridays we started a tradition of doing the bus route backwards so now I was the first person to get off. I hated it. Having to ask the person next to me to get up so I could get out and in front of all those people. *There were some Fridays I simply walked home from school. That was about a 1 hour walk and the weather wasn't always favorable. . .*


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## peytonfarquar

Okay, I'll go again. 

Several years back my cousin's school was collecting the Box Tops For Education tabs that came on various food product boxes. I religiously cut these tabs off the boxes of food I would purchase. The pile of these grew for about a year until one day I notified my aunt I had amassed them and was ready to give them for her to turn them into the school. My cousin no longer went to the school so she recommend I turn them into the school myself.

(D'oh! I wanted to give them to her so she could turn them in herself.)

I could have gone to the school myself and found out where to turn them in.

Nope. In the end, about $10 or $20 worth of Box Tops went into the garbage and I never mentioned it to anyone again. :no


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## heyJude

This is a bit embarrassing, but I figured I would share it anyway. I remember this one time in kindergarden we were celebrating Cinco de Mayo (wow, so 20 years ago yesterday!  and having a Mexican lunch outside. Well, I grabbed my food, but was too shy to ask for something to drink, ate my food without drinking anything and ended up crapping my pants later on that day. I was mortified and did not tell my teacher and tried to act normal. When it was bathroom time, other girls noticed and told the teacher for me. My mom ended up having to pick me up early that day.


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## Adri

Major things:

- Never went to Prom. Or any school dances.
- Somehow avoided going to my own graduation.
- I used to steal a lot. Mainly things I was too embarrassed to buy. Until of course I got caught and became the center of attention in front of a bunch of people, and never stole anything ever again.
- Didn't attempt learning how to drive until I was 18 and living by myself. I taught myself. The stress of someone watching everything I do on the road was too great to have someone teach me. (And yes, scary as that is, I turned out to be a good driver with no incidents.)
- Have gone for a year at a time without a job because job-searching/interviewing is too stressful. I've sabotaged myself on days I have interviews. I find it difficult to even inquire about job openings. I've even lied when picking up an application, saying it was for a friend, then realized that was stupid because eventually I'd have to bring it back and they'd know I lied, so I just never went back. Stuff like that.

Minor everyday things:
- I work my eating habits around things I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen buying at the grocery store. If I want something but it's too "weird", "junky", or fits an ethnic stereotype, I won't buy it.
- If someone I live with is in the same room as me, watching tv or whatever, I always have a blanket over me. Always. If they walk in, I will literally stop whatever I'm doing to go get one. I don't know why. I guess it's the same concept as people who wear a jacket all the time.. feeling too exposed or something.
- I check outside my apartment first before taking my dog out to go to the bathroom. If someone else is out there, I'll wait til they leave. Even though I pick up his poo with a little plastic bag and throw it away, if someone catches me outside while he's doing his business on the grass, I feel mortified and guilty for some reason. LOL
- I let everything slide. Everything. Something I just bought doesn't work? Oh well. Food was made wrong? Better luck next time. Accidentally bought the wrong thing? Too bad. Someone let me down? Tough. Someone is doing something that annoys me or makes me feel uncomfortable? Deal with it. I can't confront anybody about anything it seems because of my SA and it sucks.


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## Xlostcausekid13

i usually walk home from school. the bell rings and then the kids who are walking/ picked up wait until 2nd bell. during that time i always pretend to organize my papers and stuff so i can avoid making eye contact with anyone.

when i get out the door to start walking, there is a path straight ahead and to the right. i usually go straight ahead and circle around the long way just so i can avoid conversation with people. the other way would get me home faster but more people go that way.

i dont use bathrooms at school. when i raise my hand to ask everyone looks at me.

when i finish a test in school i'll wait until someone else does and brings it up and watch where they put it. because if i didnt i wouldnt know where to put it. even though the school year is almost over. because i panic and not remember anything.

i grow my hair long and comb it over my face so people cant see by looking at me what im feeling.

if i want to buy something, ill say to whoever is in the store what i need (which is not really what i needed because i was panicking and didnt remember what it actually was) and then ill leave the store, and realize i got the wrong thing

i dont bring it back into the store.


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## Sfin0533

Ok, I just had a whole paragraph written and deleted it at the last second. Anyone else have problems with people reading anything they've written? I absolutely hate it and wish I could get over it..


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## sersesat

Wow, I thought my whole not eating thing was part of my masochism, but now that I think about it...

I didn't eat much in first and second year college. I used to bring food from home in high school. Starting college, I was supposed to buy food. It wasn't a big deal for my first sem, sonce classes began after lunch on MWF. TTh, some guys would invite me to eat with them, and I'd walk a long way to this cheaper, less occupated cafeteria only to watch them eat, or eat some skyflakes I'd brought from home. Second year was the worst. We had a day when we had a class at 7:30 am and a last class that ended 9pm. I usually wouldn't eat the whole time, having only breakfast before and dinner aft, both at home.

I was able to get over it and buy food (though for my last few years I opted to prepare my own lunch from home behind my parents' back - sometimes I'd be running late though and not have anything prepared), but even then, there were a lot of times when I'd walk in that noisy cafeteria planning to eat, only to walk right out the other end and change my plans.

I am also part of a musical group. I'm not even a new member anymore, but when we have breaks and everyone's sitting around eating, I usually sneak away and hide until it's time to get back to work. I prefer practices way more than performances and free time.

Also wear a jacket a lot, for protection mostly: to hide my cuts, protection from the cold, protection from the sun, protection from being exposed...my analogy to this was like a guy going around without a shirt - still decent, but uncomfortably exposed. I wore one almost everyday of the summer last year, made my friends feel hot. Sometimes I'll go a day or two without it, just to show I'm not hiding anything.


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## pimkersyf

Sfin0533 said:


> Ok, I just had a whole paragraph written and deleted it at the last second. Anyone else have problems with people reading anything they've written? I absolutely hate it and wish I could get over it..


Yes! I always obsess over anything I write, especially if someone else will be reading it. I read it over and over and over again. Also, when I'm writing I obsess over my handwriting. I always have notebooks laying around with only a few pages in them, because I constantly tear out pages and throw them away when I'm writing something.


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## nycdude

In high school i would stay in the bathroom for 2 whole periods because i had lunch twice and since i did not know anyone in there i would avoid lunch. I would also walk around the school pretending I was going somewhere. I would miss school and hide in my room so my parents would think that I was in school, LOL, I never went to a prom, since no one asked me, I pretend while on the bus to be texting to a friend.


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## anonymid

Adri said:


> - I let everything slide. Everything. Something I just bought doesn't work? Oh well. Food was made wrong? Better luck next time. Accidentally bought the wrong thing? Too bad. Someone let me down? Tough. Someone is doing something that annoys me or makes me feel uncomfortable? Deal with it. I can't confront anybody about anything it seems because of my SA and it sucks.


I'm like this too. I have a hard time returning things, complaining about things, pointing out mistakes, and in general sticking up for myself or initiating any kind of confrontation, no matter how justifiable.


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## pimkersyf

Pretended to be sick a lot to avoid school. 

When I was in middle and high school I would miss the bus on purpose. One day in middle school my mom got pissed at me for skipping school all the time and refused to let me stay home, her threatening to call my dad at work (who I was terrified of when I was a kid) was what got me into the car. Then, I sat in the car in front of the school crying hysterically and begging her not to make me go in for like 45 minutes before I finally pulled myself together and went in (only because she refused to leave). 

In high school I would try to force myself to go, only to leave after a few classes. Sometimes I wouldn't even make it there, I would be on the bus and get off early and take another bus back home.

At my high school if you didn't want to eat lunch in the cafeteria you could hang out in the auditorium. I would go there to avoid eating lunch alone and listen to music to avoid talking to people.

I avoid answering the phone and door.

I don't like making phone calls, ordering food or paying for things, all of which I will get other people to do for me if I can.

I don't like people to hear the music I'm listening to or to see what I'm looking at on the internet.

I don't like people seeing what I'm reading, writing, or watching.

I don't like eating in front of people I don't know.

I don't like the people I know to see the things that interest me (if it's something that I know they're not into) because I'm afraid of them judging me.

I avoid any kind of conflict. I don't stick up for myself. I never voice my opinion or complain.

I will go to extreme lengths to avoid seeing old friends.

I can't say no. I'm a doormat.


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## Ojee

*hid in room*

I live with my brother, and he had a Bday party today with about 30 people over. I stayed in my room all day but for 3 quick trips to eat and pee. This is a big improvement from the days I would pee in empty 2 litre pop bottle, instead of leaving the room. In the past I would drink to relax and have fun with them , but I get psychotic symptoms when I drink nowadays(bipolar).


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## haraya

Adri said:


> I let everything slide. Everything. Something I just bought doesn't work? Oh well. Food was made wrong? Better luck next time. Accidentally bought the wrong thing? Too bad. Someone let me down? Tough. Someone is doing something that annoys me or makes me feel uncomfortable? Deal with it. I can't confront anybody about anything it seems because of my SA and it sucks.


Amen to this.

-I have a pretty bad eyesight but I find it very useful. Whenever I'm in a public place, I remove my glasses so that I don't recognize anybody. I also use this trick whenever I need to perform.

-I was an OnStar advisor before and our team was declared as one of the best so we were given an all-expense-paid vacation day. I deliberately committed a minor offense (brought my iPod inside the office) just so I would be disqualified from the trip.

-I gave my cellphone to my sister to have an excuse not to be contacted.

-I was groped by a pervert on a bus and it took me almost an hour before I found the courage to tell him to leave me alone. I pretended to be asleep almost the entire time.

-I don't go anywhere without my iPod and a couple of books. Sometimes, my iPod is not even on but I always wear my earphones and when people talk to me, I pretend that I don't hear them.


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## Aly

uncategorizedme said:


> -Don't ask for help when I need it.
> -Never make phone calls to people I don't know.
> -Whenever a teacher says to get in a group or partners, I just sit there and if no one summons me into their group, I work alone.


well, you pretty much summed it up for me.


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## StudySession

I have shared many similar experiences. In high school, since I had no friends, at recess I would do laps of my school and feel like a big idiot when I would pass by the same people multiple times. 

At lunch I would just head right out the door and start walking on the trail system near my school. I actually enjoyed my walks in the summer because I would rarely run into anyone and it was nice to get out of the school for an hour and be by myself. The problem was I would have to walk in the pouring rain some days and get my jeans and shoes completly soaked for my last class.

In the winter the trails would be covered by snow so even on a nice day my shoes would get soaked and it was very cold. I remember one day it was extremely cold and near blizzard conditions, and about halfway through my normal route I just started to cry because of how pathetic it was for me to be out in this just so I would not have to endure sitting by myself in the cafeteria. I wish they would have opened the library at lunch, but it would only be open for the last 20 mins of the lunch period and sometimes not at all.


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## ScaredAtWork

i recently called out sick on "team building day" where the whole staff was going to a baseball game together. everyone else was excited for a day off to hang out and socialize. i, on the other hand, was awake the whole nite before stressing about it and anxiety-ridden over who i would sit with, what i would talk about, etc . the following day at work i made up a story about having food poisioning when everyone asked me where i was


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## heyJude

I typed up and faxed a request today instead of phoning my school. Making a phone call would have been a quick and efficient way of getting my message across but no. I will do anything to avoid talking on the phone.


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## crystaltears

avoiding familiar people outside of school; I don't feel like saying hi if I see them in a mall or public place


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## Cinderella2011

Alot of these posts sent me realing back to middle school and high school, both were very difficult times for me. I ditched middle school alot. I always woke up late and would never walk into a class late. So sometimes I would ditch the entire day or the rest of that period and hang out in the bathrooms until the bell rang. Because of this I actually failed 7th grade and did a repeat the following year and at the end of the following year for some reason i was permited to pass to the 9th grade. My 2nd 7th grade year seemed alot easier fro me to deal with. High school was very sad againattending school with the same people from jr high. We didnt have money growing up. Came from a broken home so even if I wanted to eat my mother couldnt afford it, nor did she qualify for free or reduced lunch. Not that i would stand in that line anyhow (i dont think)

alot of you mention not answering the door or phone, im the opposite. i feel guilty if I dont. like im lying. i can never say no and constantly go and do without to please others. I get anxiety in conversations thinking that people think I am dumb or uneducated.


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## WholeinSoul91

* My Uni halls' mental torture

The foundation of the situation:* At the beginning of my current year in uni (1st year) I was given a room in my Halls of Residence which was probably the worst room on that floor. When I get to learn and meet new people it has to be steady, slow-moving not forced so I can come out of my shell at my own pace. With my room location, that was not to be. Whilst everyone else on the floor was able to live opposite a room that would have a closed door with only sporadic openings and mainly kitchen meet-ups, the doors opposite me and around where always open, all the time. I was struggling to settle in at the time as it was, and would go to the kitchen when I was ready, etc. But here all those girls in my area had already bonded from the night before (first night of uni, and I arrived really late) and my room is at the very end, so I had to walk through all of that if I ever wanted to leave the building, go toilet or kitchen. I wasn't given the luxury to quietly leave my room to do things without being seen and forced to say hi to their open rooms, when I would've preferred to have time to myself to get comfortable.

*When the SA begun to clash with this:* As a result of this despite having to do some hi's here and there, it became apparent that the type of stuff they liked to do (I could hear them loudly almost every night) didn't really suit me, but when I ate in the kitchen a few times and got to know girls from the other half of the floor, I had alot more in common with them and became comfortable around them because I was allowed to settle in with them at my own pace, so I was naturally happier.

The problem was that if I wanted to see them more, I would have to go through the "in your face" area that my room was horribly misplaced in, to get to the kitchen. I would still catch my friends from the other side at times and I would go for night outs with them, that's when I'm happiest. But I'm depressed when I remember what I have to come back to.

*When the SA really kicks in*: Because I absolutely hated my room location but loved the halls, I couldn't find another room to move into, so I was stuck here. Out of the crippling fear that came over me for not wanting to be exposed to their open doors again, I would go hours at a time without coming out, sometimes starving in the process. Until I could hear peace outside was when I came out. I constantly wondered why, out of all the rooms I could get, I was given the worst one which would clash with my condition. There was times during the last 2 semesters when I became depressed, I could sometimes hear the girls from the other side of halls get ready to go out and unless they came and got me, or I thought "**** it" (which I did sometimes) and come out to hang in the kitchen, then they would forget me, and I had many lonely spells in my room, because it absolutely killed me to keep having to walk through an area that I didn't like at all.

I still went to classes because they were compulsory (it helped that doors where closed for the most part in the morning). Eventually throughout the year I learnt to just pretend I was somewhere else and ignore all that was happening around me so I could eat at appropiate times, and get closer to the other girls who I liked to hang with. However I still did shopping by myself, my heart filled with hope whenever the girls opposite me would leave the building to go do something so I finally had some mental freedom.

I'm in this room now, and to this day I still hate it, I still resent that other girls can come back to their rooms in peace whilst I have to walk through an exposed area just to get back to my room even if it's to only rest, or fetch something. They could handle this, I can't. Overall I've done well to keep pushing it away from my mind to come out a few times to be with my friends (who I'm living in a student house next year) and I can put this behind me.

Only a few more days here then I'm free of all of this.


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## Donnie in the Dark

Kveark said:


> Whenever I wait for the bus and there is others around me, I always fickle with the phone or pretend to look for something in my bag.


 Damn I always used to do that too..... seems I couldn't let anyone know that yes, I was standing/sitting alone with no important task to do.


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## Donnie in the Dark

haraya said:


> Amen to this.
> 
> -I have a pretty bad eyesight but I find it very useful. Whenever I'm in a public place, I remove my glasses so that I don't recognize anybody. I also use this trick whenever I need to perform.
> .


 Yeah i did this, well it was open age football (soccer) practice so I couldn't really wear my glasses, but not being able to see people's expressions properly made me a bit less nervy..... although it is also hard to communicate and react to people properly if you can't read their expression, so i was as mute as ever.


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## LostInReality

Kveark said:


> Whenever I wait for the bus and there is others around me, I always fickle with the phone or pretend to look for something in my bag.


On a occasion I've been known to pretend to talk to someone on my cellphone. However, these days I just keep my ipod with me and wear earbuds no matter if I'm listening to music or not.


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## Shooterrr

I will forever love this thread. <3


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## Emma2040

My freshman year of college I would go to the cafeteria to eat lunch at 10:30 a.m. and then skip supper so I wouldn't have to interact with anyone. Thank God I made some friends the next year.


----------



## sanspants08

I still duck into bathrooms left and right. When work is really bonkers, it's the only legitimate escape. I do it everywhere though, just because at some point I'll feel the need to hide, if only for a second.


----------



## HardbodyNinja

in highschool if i was late for class I usually would just hang out in the bathrooms or walk around the school because i didn't want to have everyone looking at me if i came in late


----------



## WeirdFishes

I can NEVER be early anywhere. I hate the thought of being the first to turn up somewhere, with nothing to do but wait, so i usually just wait for a bit at home and usually end up being late. Then people say 'why are you always late', and i just blame bad timekeeping...


----------



## dave twothree

I tend to fold my arms without even realizing a lot.


----------



## srenee

I love this thread, it's so fun reading everyones stories! I can relate to many, nice to know others have them too. 
A few of mine: Halloween. It's always freaked me out. Even when I was little. I remember one year my mom went into the bathroom and told me to watch the door for a minute and that no one would probably come. Well, of course, a group came and I freaked! I ran into her room and got her! lol She had to go to the door and give candy, while I seriously hid. But it's always scared me. Hate peolpe at my door anyway(don't think I'd be able to order pizza solo; used to-ok still do sometimes-hide when someone's at the door), but back then was scared I might see someone my age, or that I knew. I'm a little better now that I'm older and they're all cute little kids but still get anxiety when the door bell rings.
Also others have mentioned about not acknowledging people. I've been really bad about this in college. I feel like I talk to people somedays then almost ignore them the next! And I fee sooo bad about it, but like have no control! I honestly apologized to a guy about this last week lol
Lastly, I also notice I fold my arms a lot as well. I never know what to do with my arms so I fold them. Or I like to have something in my hands, especially while walking.


----------



## MelysCariad

I purposely wait until everyone is out of the washroom before I go to fix my makeup or do anything. Then if someone opens the door I usually spazz and throw myself back into a stall. Yes, I'm just that cool.


----------



## mcmuffinme

it's weird and obnoxious how i isolate myself. my greatest goal is to meet someone i like and understand, and yet i lock myself away in my house...makes perfect sense *sarcasm*


----------



## layitontheline

I often miss my bus because I'm too embarrassed and nervous to run to catch it. It's like as soon as there's a chance I'll miss it or that the driver won't stop for me, I just give up and decide to take the next one. Even when I could easily catch it just by jogging up to it before it leaves or waving my hand for it, I'll pretend I'm just walking or waiting for another bus at the stop. I'll literally just stand there and watch it pull away, knowing I have to wait 15-30 minutes for the next. i gots issuez.


----------



## cheerybrite

I have to be alone when making and answering important calls whether it's at home or work. Sometimes I write out what I would say before making the call.


----------



## analyzingeverything

SolInvictus said:


> I have to audibly tell myself to "stop," "relax," or "calm down" when I'm alone and my mind is racing with negativity and memories of embarrassment.





Squid24 said:


> I usually go with "shut up!"


I went on line/this site/this tread in the hope to find if I was the only one who does this. Thank You for posting I hate that anyone else has to suffer with this but it is comforting to know I am not alone.

I tend to be harder on myself with "you f-ing idiot", you f-ing moron, "you are a complete a-hole", and other variations.
Sometimes a "stop it" or "go away".
Sometimes I pound the steering wheel until it goes away (a few seconds worth). It happens a lot when I am alone with my thoughts like driving.
Sometimes a memory hits so bad I jerk my head or my whole body like somebody hit me.:roll

The stupid part is most of the memories are dumb little things that at time were no big deal that only I recall. But at that moment it is the worst, embarrassing, regrettable memory ever!:afr



Averill said:


> Yeah me too, you probably can releate to this:
> 
> http://www.enotalone.com/article/4116.html


Thank you for posting this link, that was very helpful.


----------



## daarko

Never eat in public.

Having imaginary conversations in my head.(Always,probably a reason why I am so distracted)

Never walking alone in the school(I was lucky that I had some friends)

Picking up calls from unknown numbers.

Never played any sports in school because I'd make a fool out of myself.

Going to school half an hour early so nobody would notice me.

Avoid every situation of standing alone in public places.

Folding my arms constantly.


----------



## srenee

peytonfarquar said:


> Okay, I'll go again.
> 
> Several years back my cousin's school was collecting the Box Tops For Education tabs that came on various food product boxes. I religiously cut these tabs off the boxes of food I would purchase. The pile of these grew for about a year until one day I notified my aunt I had amassed them and was ready to give them for her to turn them into the school. My cousin no longer went to the school so she recommend I turn them into the school myself.
> 
> (D'oh! I wanted to give them to her so she could turn them in herself.)
> 
> I could have gone to the school myself and found out where to turn them in.
> 
> Nope. In the end, about $10 or $20 worth of Box Tops went into the garbage and I never mentioned it to anyone again. :no


Omg I did this too! In elementary school my mom would cut them all out and save them and give me a ziplock bag full of them to turn in at school. There was this bin in the office that you'd put them in, but most of the time I never did. I was too embarrassed. I felt sooo bad about it for the longest time. Like I was jeopardizing education or something lol. So it's funny to see others did it too


----------



## Oscar7

I also get an anxiety rush when the doorbell rings. See, when I have to do greetings my mouth starts twitching a little bit when I smile, so I try to sometimes be eating something. I'll get a chocolate or a glass of water so I can take a sip from time to time.

I also cross my arms a lot cuz I have no idea what to do with them! I just notice them hanging there and feel weird. I don't get what other people do with their hands....


----------



## zorky

Being an ******* when I should be caring an compassionate.


----------



## Sportsfan

When I'm passing someone on my way down the street, I'll just randomly start to smile so I put my hand over my mouth and pretend I'm coughing. It definitely looks weird, but my involuntary smiling has lead to its fair share of awkward moments.


----------



## Condottieri

Kveark said:


> Whenever I wait for the bus and there is others around me, I always fickle with the phone or pretend to look for something in my bag.
> As for lunch at work, I used to eat with them, but not anymore. You can't really ask for nicer co-workers, but I just can't get up there and eat with them. They talk and talk like there is no tomorrow, while I sit alone, again, pretending to fickle with my phone or whatever silly things I might get my hands on. The past few months I've been eating in the archive or didn't eat at all.


Waiting for the bus is the worst. Absolutely. I'm pretty sure I'm already well known in this area as the 'strange guy' or more likely 'the bitter angsty virgin' so I always think it's too late to just start saying hi or smiling at random people around here. But yea, waiting for the bus... *shudder*


----------



## Ohtwonine

I used to lie about having friends in Kindergarten. I'd just watch things that happened to other kids and funny things they did until the point that my parents threw me a huge birthday party because they thought I had soo.. many friends. The whole class was invited and I remember being a wall flower the whole time. It was soooo bad!
In highschool I joined this girls click and felt super cool. But I would just follow them mindlessly....
Now I'm in college and have a difficult time making friends or keeping them.
****INGG FRUSTERATED


----------



## Marvel Vs DC

LostInReality said:


> On a occasion I've been known to pretend to talk to someone on my cellphone. However, these days I just keep my ipod with me and wear earbuds no matter if I'm listening to music or not.


Me 2:yes


----------



## ForeverInBloom

A couple of months ago we (the organization I'm in) had a social gathering for a couple of orphans and it was a dance and food, typical social party. Since I was always the one ready to help out, I was serving food while everyone was talking or catching up with the other people from a neighboring school. After I was done I stayed in the corner near the food 'cause I had no idea as to where to sit. People often turned back...haha it was pretty funny as they did and turned back. I'm thinking now they think I'm odd, haha.

If you worry that people start to judge you, look up Romans 2:1


----------



## shooter

walked 10 miles once because i was afraid of calling someone to ask for a ride. regularly climb out my window to avoid my roommates.

other than that i lie almost constantly. i lie so much i forget the lies i tell really fast so i cant think of any right now but probably 90% of what i tell people IRL is lies to protect myself.


----------



## Squid24

shooter said:


> walked 10 miles once because i was afraid of calling someone to ask for a ride.


I once walked several kilometers through the woods (and a bog) for the same reason.


----------



## laquetia

i ran errands during lunch time and snack, and hid in the toilets so no one would see i was by myself. jesus that was such a long time ago i can't believe how depressing that is. but you guys make me feel more normal, it's so good to relate to someone. i have never told anyone that before, and don't plan on it.


----------



## shooter

Squid24 said:


> I once walked several kilometers through the woods (and a bog) for the same reason.


*high five*


----------



## 11223

I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall freshman year of high school. :S


----------



## BeHereNow

I would eat all meals in my dorm room freshman year of college. I lived off easymac. I know if I didn't get the hell out of there when I did I'd resort to peeing in bottles rather than walk down that hall.

If it wasn't for the meds I went on I don't know where I'd be now. Honestly it kinda worries me what level of anxieties lurk behind the meds I now must take to feel normal.


----------



## BeHereNow

Marvel Vs DC said:


> Me 2:yes


I've done that too. It used to be the only way I'd make it to class. Wow, I love this forum. Its good to know I'm not the only one out there dealing with such things


----------



## WTFnooooo

Not appear interested in a girl I'm interested.
Why though... Self-sabotage, thinking I'm not good enough for her.
:bash


----------



## Motionless Sway

I didn't eat lunch at all during high school. I just hung out with my friends who did all the talking to everyone (they were the cool people at school, I was cool by association).

-
I was about to have a panic attack at a house party, I quickly got out of the house and sprinted down the street as far as I could as fast as I could to get away from everyone. I didn't think anyone noticed, I told people I was getting something from my car.

When I was walking back to the party, a girl I liked was giggling, "I saw you run like hell, what the hell was that?"

"Oh you know...need the exercise. Gotta keep my figure." (I was pretty large back then)

-
I missed the bus once and didn't want to ask for a ride either and had to walk up a steep hill for about an hour filled with bushes and thorns only to realize that the road that led to my neighborhood had no room to walk. It was just two lanes and guardrails, and there was heavy traffic, so I had to go back down the hill and walk the bus route which ended up taking me until nightfall to get home.

-
I was so nervous for a date once that I showed up drunk...surprisingly, it went well and we went out for a few months.


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## peytonfarquar

Due to genuine complications, I missed the morning instructions for my high school commencement ceremony. I was informed I could go to the ceremony extra early and receive instruction then on what to do and where to go. The more I thought about it throughout the day, the more the ceremony frightened me. I didn't want to ask around for instruction on what to do. I didn't want to look like a fool or bother anyone. When evening came and the ceremony was on, I didn't even show up.


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## Ambitious

Two thing ive noticed since i see this thread a while agao...

1) i was walking down the staires and instead of walking down normally, at the eud i kinda peered my head round the corner, thru the door. Ha! I cant explain it. Basically i was cheacking to see was there many people in the kitchen. I wouldnt have even reckonized myself doing it, its just i rememer seeing this thread earlier that day ha!!!

2) stood at the top of my attick staires (my rooms in the attick) and listened and waited till my brothers mate left. I fancy his friend and looked a mess (i was sick) so i didnt go down. This is something i have done a few times tho. Waited until the visitor had left to go downstaires! Ha how sad! Well im not that bad these days, i force myself even if i dont want to. If i dont im letting anxiety win!


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## maliciousgnome

I switched schools right before middle school, from a private, all-girls school to a public, co-ed school and I just didn't know how to handle it. 

In fifth grade, I was terrified to use the school bathrooms so I'd hold it every day, all day. To not look weird because I never took advantage of bathroom breaks, I'd still drink water from the fountain.... Once I ended up peeing myself in math class because of that (luckily, my teacher must have put the fear into my classmates because everyone was super nice and never mentioned the incident). I never talked to any classmates at school, to the extent that people asked if I COULD talk. 

Sometimes I wore a jacket even on blisteringly hot days because I felt weird about showing my arms. Once I won a contest and my teacher gave me money to buy ice cream, and I was ashamed that I didn't know how the school lunch line 'worked' so I hid the money; when my teacher asked me how my ice cream was, I lied and said it was great. 

I was also really weird about going to school, even though I was a good student and enjoyed the structure of school. It was just that car ride in the morning and walking in the building. I couldn't eat breakfast because I'd make myself so nervous I'd gag. 

The ironic thing is that if I was at home with my family and friends, they couldn't get me to be quiet. I had a birthday party and some friends from school (who knew me as the silent girl) and some friends I was 'normal' with attended, and the next day at school everyone was buzzing about how I really 'cut loose' at my party and why wasn't I like that at school?

It's cathartic to talk about these things


----------



## tropic

MelysCariad said:


> I purposely wait until everyone is out of the washroom before I go to fix my makeup or do anything. Then if someone opens the door I usually spazz and throw myself back into a stall. Yes, I'm just that cool.


 I do that, too. I particularly hate it when people are watching me fixing/applying makeup.


----------



## Hello22

I used to get my mum to drop me way down the road from school (whenever i missed the school bus), so i wouldnt have to get off infront of the school, for fear anyone would see me.


----------



## Hello22

And more recently, my housemate had a few people over, when i drove near the apartment i could see them, so instead i reversed the car and drove to my parents house. On St Patricks day i did the same - i had a stomach bug, and instead of staying in bed, i left the house before people arrived and made up an excuse as i didnt feel like staying in the house full of people. I was in no fit state to drive as i was vomiting every 20 minutes, but there was no way i was staying there!!


----------



## CreamCheese

In 10th grade, I started spending all my free time in the library. We'd be dropped off to school early, me and my cousin. At that time, she'd join her friends. Since I didn't have any, and since me having to "cling" onto her for company seemed to bother her, I went to the library and got a lot of work done. 

In 11th grade, we had this one "brunch" type of break where we would get 10 minutes instead of the usual 2 minute class transition to eat a snack before class. I would usually hide in the bathroom then, even when I didn't have to go. Because I had nobody to eat lunch with either, sometimes I'd hide in the bathroom b/c being alone made me feel like I was being watched.

Finally, I started spending my lunch-time in the library. I usually would eat my lunch much earlier so that I could spend all that time in the library since we weren't allowed to eat there.


----------



## SuperSky

I fake talking on the phone when I realise I've gone to the wrong train platform out of habit. Or I walk along the platform until finding a different exit so that no one sees me turn around.

Whenever I realise I've walked the wrong way, I either take a massive loop around to get back to the right way, or try to figure out a way to turn around without anyone knowing (which involves a manoeuvre where I move to the side and stop, take out my waterbottle and have a drink while subtly turning to face the opposite way, and when I think everyone who could've seen which way I was walking has gone past, I then put away the bottle and walk the right way).

I don't run when I'm about to miss a bus or train. I just try to pretend I'd never wanted that one in the first place and deal with having to wait.


----------



## M28

I let bad influence trap my whole way of thinking rather then being myself just to fit in with friends/cousins, you can call it simply peer pressure.


I tend not to be myself when i encountered social exposure.


When we go to rally's or some kind of social even in school i tend to ditch the event and go somewhere else just to not have to stand all those eyes on me when i enter the building and find a seat.


----------



## Nightwing

I've done a lot of things that people have mentioned already in this thread. From skipping lunch and going to the library in high school to walking for miles b/c I was too scared to ask for a ride home. I could probably write a book about all the things I've done due to SA, but I'll just list a few:

When I'm in the college dorms, I throw my trash away at night because I don't like going out into the common room during the day to throw it away when there are a bunch of people hanging around. I hate it when everyone looks up at me when I come in.

I usually pretend to study when my roommate comes in so that it looks like I'm in my room because I have work to do not because I have no one to hang out with.

When my roommate's family comes to pick her up or drop her off, I try my best to be out of the room during that time because I get very uncomfortable being in a room w/ so many people (esp little kids that stare at you)

I'd rather spend the day at home then go out and do something alone

I wear noise-cancelling headphones and try to ignore everyone around me

I hate talking on the phone in front of other people and try to avoid it at all costs

I usually eat in my room or skip meals b/c I feel like a loser going to the dining hall by myself all the time.

Sometimes if i see someone I know, I'll try to pretend I didn't notice them and pray they don't notice me or I'll turn around and walk in another direction.


----------



## kagiand

- i once faked getting sick on a date. i was too nervous and wanted to leave.

- none of my friends or family knew i was a smoker for years.

- i instictively turn down the radio when a car pulls up next to me... even if my windows are up.


----------



## Jess32247

In 7th grade I completely failed P.E. The first day of it I got changed, but I waited intill everyone was out to change, but the damn teacher (girl) was standing over me waiting and telling me to hurry up. I almost broke down and cried. But throughout the year, I would sometimes take P.E. I'd wear my gym pants under my jeans, and wear a jacket over my T-shirt I had to wear. Then just put my pants back on over top my gym pants when it was over. 

And whenver I would laugh or smile, I'd cover my mouth with my hand. One time I couldn't stop laughing (i forgot why, but it was hilarious!!!) and the teacher pointed out to the class that I was acutally laughing. That shut me up real fast lol.

Whenever I finished something in class, I'd go over and slowly rewrite it all just so I didn't have to sit there and risk someone talking to me or to get up and get something. One time I had to find like 20 definition in the dictionary (luckily that took all period) but our last period was our free time, so for like week I'd rewrite the definitions down over and over. I had like 15 papers of the same definitions lol just so nobody would bother me or ask me to get up and do something.

Thats all I can remember, thanksfully :afr


----------



## Chaos Plus

I have to wear a jacket to any place I frequently go to.

A couple months ago I went on a field trip with my grade.
I always wear a jacket and no one had seen me with out one until that day [Teacher forced me to take it off] and everyone kept staring at me because its the first time I ever took it off and I started freaking out and begging to go back to the class to get my jacket and people started laughing because they thought I was kidding which made it even worse.

I also hide my arms under the table/desk when I'm sitting down anywhere.


----------



## artandis

I skip classes if I have to walk in more than 10 minutes late

One class (where we never ever used paper or anything before) the prof wanted us to write about something and I didnt have paper or pens on me so I just didnt hand anything in because I could not ask the people around me to borrow any.

I use books and headphones to keep people on the bus from talking to me, even if my phone is dead or I'm not actually reading.


----------



## rose188

.


----------



## Octo

One morning when I was in 7th grade I had to make up for some standardized tests I had missed from days I missed school (Due to SA). It took me a few class periods worth of time to finish, and I really didn't want to have to walk into whichever one of my classes was in progress and have to join everyone partway into the day, so I went down to the school counselor's office and said that I wasn't feeling well (Which I'm sure was true due to the anxiety) and asked if I could go home. She said my mother said that I had to stay that day no matter what or something like that, which I doubt actually happened, which made me really start to freak out. I actually considered just leaving school anyway and going home (I doubt anyone in the school would have even noticed, assuming I was able to slip out of the building) but I eventually ended up hiding in the bathroom. I stayed in there for the rest of the period and then through the entire next one until lunch, when I rejoined my friends. I think I just told them that I had been making up the tests all morning. Incidentally, that was the only time that I actually used the bathroom at school in the whole time I was in middle school. 

The next year I missed some of the standardized tests again and I had to make up for them once again, but that time I ended up sitting next to a girl I was friends with who I had a gigantic crush on, and she asked me to stay with her until she finished so that she wouldn't be alone, and we ended up going back to class together only a few minutes before lunch 

And then there was one time recently when I had to drop something in the mailbox on a corner outside of my apartment complex. I passed by two people talking outside of an apartment next to the footpath leading to the gate outside, so on the way back in I tried to avoid them by walking down the block to another gate, which those same two people happened to be coming out of :teeth


----------



## laurie17

I exaggerated being sick to stay off school, not because I hated school, but because I couldn't stand having to take classes with people.
I ask my sister to go up to buy things for me in bookshops but recently she's been trying to help me get over my fear of tills-people. I love self-service stuff for this reason.
I never pick up calls on my mobile, but have told everyone it has poor signal. I'm not looking forward to getting anew phone.


----------



## peytonfarquar

When my father and I moved into this most recent house in November 2006, along came our cats. Soonafter, 1 of them disappeared and we wrote it off as a run-away. About a year or 2 later, I notice the house around the corner has a cat that looks very similar to the cat we lost when we first moved in. Every time I walked past that house and that cat was in the window I became more and more convinced she was the one. The biege stripe on the side was the clincher. It's now been 4.5 years since we've moved in. I miss the cat, I know the neighbors around the corner have it, but I will not confront them about it.


----------



## Scarlet Tanager

Well... I've rejected going out with my family sometimes. I even turned down friend invitations, and sometimes lied about it (for ex., "I'm doing homework", "I'm busy", "I have to do a special family reunion at my great aunt's house").

I know, I'm terrible.


----------



## Piko

I'll keep my headphones on all the time at home so when the phone rings (the computer is right next to the phone), I can pretend that I can't hear it so I don't have to answer it... 

During gym class, I would always ask my mom to pick me up from school, so that I wouldn't have to go play tennis, baseball, kickball, and do yoga and stuff. 

I absolutely hate it when the teacher makes us play kickball and I hide behind everyone on my team when it's our turn to kick. The teacher would yell at me, telling me to go up and everyone would laugh, telling me to go and just kick the ball.  I hate the stares.

And another time for a project in english, I pretended that I had a bad sore throat and couldn't talk, so then my partner had to present the whole thing be herself.

And during study halls and free time, I always pretend to be doing homework so that no one comes and talks to me.

Another thing I do is when it's time for lunch and all the students have to leave the building and go to a different building on campus that has the cafeteria, I hide in the bathroom for 5 minutes to wait for everyone to just go to lunch. Then I go and walk to lunch by myself. I hate walking with a crowd of people =/


----------



## Shooterrr

At college I never eat anything because I still don't know where the cafeteria is (after almost a year) and if I bring food with me I'll be too scared to have it in class or while sitting down somewhere.


----------



## Roscoe

If there are lots of cars or people, I will circle the block to find a spot to park rather than parallel parking in front of them.

Sometimes I'll be describing something and just stop mid sentence, then whoever I'm talking to will have to finish the last word.

I have a blushing problem, which can make life a living hell.

I hate talking on the phone in front of people with a passion. I'll straight up ignore calls no matter the importance until I'm alone.


----------



## roxyruby

Anyone going through the same level of social anxiety that you had would have done the same. :afr

Well in 4th grade I peed myself at the back of the class because I was too scared to ask to go to the toilet! I was in a little separate area having my turn on the computer, and I desperately sneeky got a nearby cloth and desperately tried to clean it all up and hide everything. 

A classmate came over suspicious sniffing the cloth saying "this smells like pee"

It was so frightening lol.


----------



## Wedfew

I'd bunk school and return to sit for detention as I was caught several times bunking school. I eventually just dropped out ... I don't regret one moment of it... Still loving it.


----------



## lionessrampant

I fidget a lot standing in line... I avoid any group outings where I won't know the majority of the people in our group. I barely talk to strangers unless I have to; most people I acknowledge with a gesture. I used to spend recess in the library. At work I eat lunch at my desk a lot--or go off some other place alone. There are only a handful of people I will call on the phone; I "lose" people's numbers a lot.


----------



## lionessrampant

Also as a kid... I stayed in my room a LOT. The few friends I had, they had to practically drag me outside to play!


----------



## kilgoretrout

Genelle said:


> I would never take food to school because I hated eating in front of people.


Same here - I hardly ever ate lunch in junior high, even if I was around my friends. I still have a hard time eating in front of people... I hate going to the mall or wherever with someone else - eventually, we always end up in the food court.


----------



## iamnotaghost

Hooray for the library -- most of my high school lunches took place there, too.

In elementary school and middle school, I would be depressed and feel invisible if my one and only friend would be absent that day. I would be alone.

I do the jacket thing (wear one all the time) and I live in the South -- it gets freaking hot down here. I even do it when I'm sweating already.

I remember begging and crying for my mom to let me skip school certain days during h.s. -- when she was about to drop me off and I could see the building just around the corner.

I'm not kidding, during my darkest years of depression, the Golden Girls were my closest friends. That sounds sad, but it's true.

---I also can't go to a line at the supermarket if the cashier is young or attractive.

---I also can't look at myself in a bathroom mirror if there are other people around. I'm afraid they'll comment on how I look or something.

---In middle school, I used to pretend I had an imaginary friend named Edgar Allan Poe. I kid you not. Sometimes, I call my journal Edgar. Feels better if my journal entries are like letters I'm writing to a friend who totally understands.


What makes me sad is that there are so many children with SA and people around them who don't understand what it's like.


----------



## iamnotaghost

peytonfarquar said:


> When my father and I moved into this most recent house in November 2006, along came our cats. Soonafter, 1 of them disappeared and we wrote it off as a run-away. About a year or 2 later, I notice the house around the corner has a cat that looks very similar to the cat we lost when we first moved in. Every time I walked past that house and that cat was in the window I became more and more convinced she was the one. The biege stripe on the side was the clincher. It's now been 4.5 years since we've moved in. I miss the cat, I know the neighbors around the corner have it, but I will not confront them about it.


:cry I totally understand where you're coming from -- I believe I would react the same way and not speak up. I know that has to hurt.


----------



## missalyssa

When I see someone that's an acquaintance of mine, but they don't see me, I pretend I didn't see them so I don't have to say "Hi So&So! How are you!?" And I quickly dart away to the next aisle. 

I often pretend I'm sick &/or tired so I don't have to contribute too much to conversation, but apologize about being sick&/or tired afterward saying that next time we talk I'll be more lively.

I play games on my phone when I'm on the bus so people think I'm popular and texting lots of friends.

I avoid swimming if there are lots of people at the beach and try to find a more secluded place..

Oh the weirdest? I've added my own phone number to my phone and saved it as another name and I text myself messages.. again so my friends think I'm popular and have more friends.


----------



## thisgirl

When I receive a text message I wait a few minutes to respond to it so I can seem like I'm busy doing something else or texting other people. 

When my phone rings (rarely) I wait until it rings at least 3 or 4 times before answering, for the same reason as above.


----------



## tranquility 08

It's been interesting reading through a lot of the responses everyone has given! I've always chided myself for some of the things I do and never realized that it had anything to do with social anxiety AND that other people actually did it! It almost takes away a lot of the fear and anxiety I have in social situations just simply from realizing I'm not alone. 

So a few examples from my life: 

recess - UGH. I moved a lot so I was always the new kid. I managed to make a few friends in first grade, but the friend I liked the most one day at recess started playing with another girl. I felt so hurt at being left out that I didn't want to go to recess anymore. I started staying inside and reading (was/am an avid reader), and my home room teacher got really angry with me and yelled at me numerous times and called my parents in to complain that I read too much. uh... seriously? She yelled a lot in general at everyone actually. One time I was asked to the lunch count (a TERRIFYING task), and somehow I missed someone and she yelled at me in front of the entire class. I froze and probably experienced my first panic attack ever. I never wanted to go back again. I just kind of became a hollow shell after that, I didn't participate, I was completely silent and miserable. 

So a few moves later, we ended up in a small hick town, where we were treated with suspicion (moving in from a big city out of state to a place where everyone is related and/or whose grandparents are best friends, I'm not kidding). It was months before any kids ever approached us or talked to us. We knew no one at all until school started back up. The first year was ok because no one had hit puberty yet and I did make some friends, but the second year was awful because all my friends decided they wanted to be with the popular kids and wouldn't talk to me or acknowledge me when the popular kids were around. I wasn't going to put up with that; I still had some dignity at that point. Also at that time, the older girls were throwing balls at me in sports practice, or taking them from me, playing really dirty in scrimmages... it got to the point where I decided I wasn't going to lower myself to talk to any of these losers and began to just keep to myself. Over time though, it started to get to me and I began believing what they said to me, and how they treated me, and I really believed that I was stupid, boring, worthless, weird, ugly, uninteresting, not talented or athletic, and so on. I never had a problem at lunch (I could always find at least a few people to hang around, but only at the margins) until my last year there, when I would eat by myself, which was terrifying. Some of the truly dorky people would invite me to eat with them, but I didn't want to do THAT (one of them was proud that she was schizophrenic, ok NOT interested...), so instead of others associating me with her, I chose to just be alone. I was so glad when we moved but I was completely and utterly messed up in terms of self-esteem and self-worth.

I've come a LONG way since that time, but even still I have problems with self-esteem (even though I'm very educated, keep myself in trim shape, have a lot of talents and interests - that feeling just never goes away); I also have trouble feeling comfortable with eye contact with people I don't know well, and I definitely freeze up completely and get really anxious in the midst of conflict (even if I'm completely right and the other person is wrong). My mind goes completely blank sometimes and I don't know what to say, or I forget my important points or salient details. 

Oh I did manage to get an invite to a popular girl's party one year when I lived in the hick town, and inside I was happy that she had invited me, but at the same time, resistant to going because I always boycotted the popular kids, so I was really torn about going. Plus a lot of people would be there and I figured none of them would talk to me (all just vying for the attention of the popular kids), so with all this anxiety I ended up working myself up into a panic attack and asked my mom to call her mom to tell her that I was sick and couldn't go. My parents tried to get me to go but I just didn't want to risk humiliation. 

What else, I've done tons of things to avoid talking to people I don't know well because I'm afraid of it being awkward or not knowing what to say (like going a different way, or trying to look 'busy' so they won't talk to me or won't ask me to walk with them, and so on). 

I also often turn down the radio when at a stop light so the other person won't know what I'm listening to, lol. 

When my supervisor wants me to come to her office for a meeting, I instantly start having a panic attack because I feel like I'm in trouble for something (like what am I five??), even though cognitively I know I haven't done anything wrong (it's usually always about other, mundane stuff). 

I HATE HATE talking on the phone. Even to my family (maybe because I've been out of the house so long that I'm not as used to them now so it's become uncomfortable). 

And speaking of family, I HATE family get-togethers with extended family. I don't see them regularly so it's like meeting new people all over again; it's awful, it's awkward, and I usually sit there silently with everyone having fun while I'm feeling like an uncomfortable idiot. 

Someone else mentioned putting other people up on pedestals - I definitely did that as well. I observed everyone so much and participated so little that it was like I was always watching a movie, I was always a spectator and not a participant, so everyone around me became like famous celebrities (no matter how dorky or unintelligent they were), and everyone intimidated me. 

I'm noticing that some of you posting are commenting on things that you still do currently - I really would encourage you to try to take tiny, small, low-risk steps that can help push you out of your anxiety little by little (this is REALLY what has helped me come so far). Honestly, life is miserable with SA - I hated myself every single day of my life when I was completely trapped in SA. Life is SO MUCH more freeing when you start trying to take little steps and slowly working your way out of it. It's empowering to be able to do something small and realize that inch by inch, you're taking your life back. Maybe try taking a deep breath, push your anxiety aside, and look around you to see if there's someone else sitting in a corner, not talking, looking anxious, 'fiddling' with their bag, or doing all the other things we've listed here. I'm pretty sure you'll see someone. And then try to maybe go over and talk to them! It can't be that scary since they're feeling the same way you are, right?? You already know how they might react lol, since it's probably something familiar that you have heard here or might do yourself! But instead of being offended or hurt or self-loathsome, you'll know for a fact that they did it because of their own inner fears and shortcomings - it has nothing to do with you!


----------



## SuperSky

One day as a kid I really felt like being my silly self and thought I could do it at a drama class that I used to go. I made up a story about having drunk lots of red cordial so I'd have a reason to be hyper, and I got my brother to go along with it cause he was in the same drama class... I'd been excited about my plan for a couple of days at least, and I listened as my brother told the teacher. She said "Well she'd better not because we've got serious rehearsals today." And that was the end of my plan :'(


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

I didn't go to prom even though my step mother got me a pretty date.


----------



## A Little More Stupid

I'll walk the long way to class sometimes so I can avoid seeing certain people. They're nice people, but I just don't feel like having to start small talk.


----------



## shygurl25

When im in a waiting area and it all of a sudden gets crowded, I pretend to talk on my phone as an excuse to get outta there and go outside for awhile to regain my sanity :um


----------



## Raisins

I lived about a minute away from my middle school and if you got there early you would have to wait in a crowd of people, so when id leave to early i would make my mom drive around the neighborhood a couple times to avoid the crowd.


----------



## 0lly

If I have to make a phone call (perhaps to the bank or something), I will get nervous about it days in advance. When the time comes to make the call, I will pace back and forth for a long time rehearsing what I'm going to say. Then when I actually come to do it my mouth just dries up and they can't understand what I'm saying.

At university, I go and sit on the toilet at lunchtime and play games on my phone. 

At school I never used to wear a coat even when it was sub-zero, because I was afraid that someone would make fun of me for having bought a new item of clothing. After school, and still at university, I take evasive manoeuvres when leaving; e.g. catching the bus at a more distant bus stop, or getting my mom to pick me up from a hidden location. 

So many other things I can't think of right now.


----------



## imogen

0lly said:


> If I have to make a phone call (perhaps to the bank or something), I will get nervous about it days in advance. When the time comes to make the call, I will pace back and forth for a long time rehearsing what I'm going to say. Then when I actually come to do it my mouth just dries up and they can't understand what I'm saying.


haha i do that every time :')


----------



## Attica! Attica!

I'm afraid of looking out windows in case someone sees me :help


----------



## Fluffy

I'll stare at ANYTHING else, just so I don't have to look at a person...sometimes I end up just staring at the floor...


----------



## meganmila

I don't answer my phone if I don't recognize the number.

In high school I always went to the bathroom or library during lunch.

I try to not make any noise when it's really quiet. 

I like wearing sunglasses in public cause people don't have to see my eyes.

I'm always moving or acting like I'm doing something when people are looking at me or walking by.

I'm sure there's a lot more I just can't think of anymore.


----------



## Attica! Attica!

Also, I hate living on the second floor of my apartment, cause I tiptoe around constantly, and jump a squeaky spot in my floor, like its illegal to make noise. Of course, I do this everywhere else too.


----------



## EnchantingGhost

Nobody is ever going to be able to top this: 

I once missed a flight because I was a few minutes late for it and couldn't stand the thought of having to run through security etc and bored the plane late. I rather payed the extra cost to get on a later flight....:roll


----------



## kaykay609

-I almost fainted once at my work because I was too scared to ask for a 1 minute break so that I could drink some water 'cause I had been working for hours in the heat without drinking anything. 
-I'm addicted to otrivin, the nasal spray, 'cause I don't want people to hear me breathing heavily or through my mouth when I have a cold 'cause they might find it irritating.
- I started smoking so that I'd have a chance and a reason to get away from the crowds during breaks at school or before school starts.
- I pretend to do something on my phone, pressing random buttons when I think someone's watching me.
- My mom always has to bring me to school 'cause I'm too afraid to take the bus
- Whenever I'm changing clothes in my room I close my laptop because I'm afraid the webcam ( which I never use obviously.. ) might accidentaly go on and someone might see me.


----------



## 0lly

Many times I've bought clothes that are the wrong size (because sometimes I don't have the courage to try it on in the shop). When I get it home and find it's the wrong size I'm often too scared to take it back for a refund so eventually end up putting it in the bin. I mean I'd be happy to donate unwanted clothes to a charity shop, but again I'm too nervous to even do that. Disgraceful really :|


----------



## Attica! Attica!

0lly said:


> Many times I've bought clothes that are the wrong size (because sometimes I don't have the courage to try it on in the shop). When I get it home and find it's the wrong size I'm often too scared to take it back for a refund so eventually end up putting it in the bin. I mean I'd be happy to donate unwanted clothes to a charity shop, but again I'm too nervous to even do that. Disgraceful really :|


I wish to hug you. :rub


----------



## pita

Today some of the other interns invited me out, saying, "It's so and so's last day tomorrow." So I assumed they meant, "And we're going out tomorrow." But they never specified whether they were going out today or tomorrow. And I felt awkward asking. So it's possible they're Out right now, wondering why I didn't show up and thinking I am an ******* or a flake or just awkward and weird.


----------



## sportsfan00

why is this post so popular?


----------



## sportsfan00

One time there was a football game at my school and i couldnt find a ride so i ran all the way there and my mom picked me up at the end so it looked like i went :O


----------



## sportsfan00

ColdFury said:


> When I was in dorms, I'd piss in empty bottles because the hallways was always full of people and I couldn't get up the courage to walk thru them to get to the bathroom. Sigh


i gotta say that made me laugh


----------



## sportsfan00

tuna said:


> I ate in the bathroom during lunch in high school. Whenever someone would come in I would stop chewing and stay silent so they wouldn't know someone was eating in the bathroom. Just in case someone became suspicious of me being in the bathroom for so long I would switch to other bathrooms on different floors.
> 
> I remember I had an afterschool group thing with four other students. I knew what cars the others drove so I would always check to make sure that at least one other student was there with me so I wouldn't have to be with the teacher by myself. One time I didn't see any other cars so I just went back home.
> 
> In elementary school one day my teacher asked me a question and because I was so nervous my voice would not come out and I ended up mouthing what I wanted to say. She thought I was sick and had lost my voice and I was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise so I had her and the class believing I had lost my voice for that day.
> 
> After writing this it makes me realize even more that I am pretty foiked up!


That sounds exactly like me


----------



## misspeachy

Fighter86 said:


> Oh yep, I did the hide in the library during break time thing too. When my friends are not around or if I have no one to eat with, I'll just go to the library and sit in a corner to do some reading. I used to walk 10-15min under the hot afternnon sun to a much further away bus stop then use the one right infront my school because lots of my schoolmates/classmates use it :afr The times I dreaded most are when there are special occasaions celebrations where its chaotic and everyone sits with their friends and make a whole lot of noise. Obviously, I hated it because I had no friends to sit with. I disliked group work immesely too because the teachers usually let you choose your own partners and I don't really have anyone that I can work with in school.


Life would not be different if you were pretty trust me I know:yes


----------



## misspeachy

-Texting makes my anxiety really bad for some reason. It sometimes takes me 2+ weeks to respond to texts.. and I frequently give excuses like, "Oh, I lost my phone" or that it died, and that's why I didn't text them back. Sometimes, I just turn my phone off so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not as bad with phone calls. I am bad about emails and messages, though.
:b[/QUOTE]

Im exactly the same with texting, its been bothering me so much lately. I literally keep putting of the day I am going to check my phone. Sigh. I just tell my friends that the screen broke, or I accidently put it in the wash. And then I begin to lose my friends, because they give up on asking me to do things. I really wish I knew why, it makes me so worried - its only a text or missed call at the most. :S


----------



## sportsfan00

this is probably the most successful thread of all time


----------



## awkwardpenguin

0lly said:


> If I have to make a phone call (perhaps to the bank or something), I will get nervous about it days in advance. When the time comes to make the call, I will pace back and forth for a long time rehearsing what I'm going to say. Then when I actually come to do it my mouth just dries up and they can't understand what I'm saying.


me too


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## aw1993

i sometimes avoid going to the same store twice in the same day or the next day because I think they'll recognize me and think I'm weird for coming in again for some reason...
I also sometimes wait to go to the bathroom if only 1 person is in there because it seems awkward..
I sometimes put my sunglasses on in places where I am bound to see someone i know

make excuses to leave so i won't have to read aloud


----------



## Syndacus

I eat at nice restuarants designed for couples alone, and I usually keep myself occupied by looking at my phone pretending I'm texting someone, when I'm not. Just to avoid eye contact with people.


----------



## sportsfan00

this may sound kinda wierd but, one reason i didnt like eating lunch in the cafeteria was because one my teachers who had lunch duty every day so they watched to make sure everything stayed in order...but anyway i was always scared she thought i was a loser cause i didnt talk and i would have to face her later in the day...yea


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## 0lly

"Hmm maybe I'll give SAS chat a go."...

_*Clicks on chat link*..._

"I'll just have a little look at it."...

_*Chat window starts to load up*_...

"I don't know what I'm going to say."...

_*Stomach starts churning with nerves*_...

"I'll probably just lurk for a bit."...

_*Panics and closes down the window as quickly as possible.* _...

"I hope nobody noticed."

:door


----------



## Tu Cielo

Last semester in college I would very frequently call a cab to avoid riding the bus home, especially on days when the bus was very crowded or there were extremely loud people riding it. Honestly, this is probably something that is more stupid than weird considering that it's much more expensive to take a cab home than the bus.


----------



## 0lly

^ Hey, just checked out your sketchblog. Your drawings are great! I think I might set up something similar in the future; I'm trying to get back into drawing.


----------



## Tu Cielo

0lly said:


> ^ Hey, just checked out your sketchblog. Your drawings are great! I think I might set up something similar in the future; I'm trying to get back into drawing.


Thanks!!! You really should. It's actually motivating me to draw more often. Good luck!


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

Today there was an open seat on the train but it was next to a pretty girl so I didn't take it.


----------



## nessersqt

I made myself throw up in class to avoid giving presentations(if you threw up the school was forced to send you home for the day)

I accidently got locked out when I was spending the night at my cousins' house and stayed outside the whole night till morning bcz I didnt want to ring the doorbell.


----------



## Sunset in July

Have been going to the library to avoid the cafeteria for the past 2 years of high school...

I talk maybe 25 words a day...


----------



## randomprecision

I once got physically ill and left HS at 8am because I realized I was wearing all blue (blue sneakers, blue socks, blue pants, blue shirt, blue coat). 

Mom enrolled me in a swim team for a few months when I was in Jr High as a way of "fixing" me. Many times, usually after the coach spoke to me, I would cry while swimming laps. Nobody ever noticed.

After PE I would sneak into a bathroom and use a stall to change clothes instead of the locker room. Absolutlely never went near the showers.

I've walked away from a couple of jobs in my life because of panic attacks and refused to return. I would vent anger at the working conditions instead of trying to explain.

I love these threads. I can see myself (especially my younger self) in almost every post. I'm no longer alone.


----------



## Shadow2009

If I make a status on Facebook and nobody comments/likes within five minutes I delete it incase people think i'm a loner.


----------



## a Beautiful Lie94

When I'm on my own in public places I will pretend to be texting on my phone, or rummage through my bag to make it look like I'm too preoccupied to make small talk



Shadow2009 said:


> If I make a status on Facebook and nobody comments/likes within five minutes I delete it incase people think i'm a loner.


I was the exact same! The most I got was one like out of 20+ statuses. I don't bother fbing now...


----------



## FabledHero

misspeachy said:


> -Texting makes my anxiety really bad for some reason. It sometimes takes me 2+ weeks to respond to texts.. and I frequently give excuses like, "Oh, I lost my phone" or that it died, and that's why I didn't text them back. Sometimes, I just turn my phone off so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not as bad with phone calls. I am bad about emails and messages, though.
> :b
> Im exactly the same with texting, its been bothering me so much lately. I literally keep putting of the day I am going to check my phone. Sigh. I just tell my friends that the screen broke, or I accidently put it in the wash. And then I begin to lose my friends, because they give up on asking me to do things. I really wish I knew why, it makes me so worried - its only a text or missed call at the most. :S


People get offended if you don't text back pretty quickly or call back. Also if they ask you if you want to go to the movies etc and you say no, they prob won't ask again for awhile. They feel it's a slight rejection subconsciously. You for example prob haven't asked friends to go places that often, because subconsciously you're afraid they'll say no. And if they didn't respond to your text or call for awhile you'd prob feel they're ignoring you whether they are, or they aren't.


----------



## misspeachy

Well actually I do ask people to do things. I dont even think about them saying no.


----------



## Lucy in the Sky

I will avoid walking towards/past a group of people at any cost...

Pretend to be on a cell phone that doesn't work.

No eye contact.


----------



## SicilianuAmericanu

I used to walk home from school everyday just to get away from all the people there. This was when I was in high school when I knew I had a ride coming but they weren't going to be there for like a half an hour. My parents would find me walking home when they were on there way to the school.


----------



## metta

At school I never brought or wore gym clothes, and only did when my PE teacher said he would fail me otherwise. I would go the whole school day without eating because I felt too awkward to be seen eating alone. I'd hide in the bathroom stall during lunch and sometimes just stay there even when a class started. I'd skip out a lot and just walk straight home, without telling anyone anything.

At work, if I saw someone I knew I would either hide or ignore them. Once a girl I knew came right up to me and I just pretended I couldn't even see her.

My aunt's friend came over to our house once and I was too shy to say hello to her so I just stayed in my room the whole time.


----------



## tlhunter2002

In high school i would hide in the bathroom stall rather than go to the cafeteria for lunch and rather than give an oral presentation for a class i would take a zero.


----------



## MrQuiet76

In college I had a lot of trouble going to the bathroom at night specifically... when I had a single room, I would piss in a cup or something in my room because I didn't want to go out into the hallway.... when I had a roommate I would lie there awake holding it in for very long periods of time (over an hour) because I was afraid that if I got up to go, I'd wake my roomate up and he'd get mad at me


----------



## lazygnome

-last year I literally ran away when i saw a guy i was sort of seeing in public and his friend saw me and told him.

-2 yrs ago i rode the bus and a girl from my class came on and stood infront of the back entrance, so to avoid having to face her i didn't get off at my stop and waited til she got off and got off and walked all the way back to my stop

-i couldnt look ppl in the eye whenever i walked outside

-i sat outside a grocery store waiting to work up a nerve to apply for a job there (I sat on a bench for maybe 2 hours until i went in and asked).

-i was going home after getting off the train to go home from camp and i went in a subway car and I saw my camp roommate on it and hid myself behind a person and then she got off and i ducked my head when the train moved again. And I talked to my roommate a lot.

- i walked by the same guy i was sort of seeing after not talking to him for a month or so and did not look at him and kept walking.

can't think of anymore, i hope thats about it lol

oh another one:

- i hid in my room upstairs for hours while there was a dinner party in my house with some of my relatives.


----------



## IcoRules

A lot of the things already mentioned here, also....

I didn't take a required gym class in the 9th grade because I didn't want to have to swim with all the other girls or change in the locker rooms. I took a much smaller and easier gym class during summer school.

I don't talk to people I know, even online, unless they talk to me first. I feel like I might be bothering them or they might not want to talk to me anymore or I'll come off as needy.

Sometimes I didn't do an assignment in school because I had to present it in front of class.


----------



## Rachie7592

Wow this thread is amazing! I'm not alone! 
I have so many similar stories such as hiding out during lunch to avoid eating with peers. I would also try to leave school early to avoid having to catch up with friends after school.


----------



## johnny93

Rachie7592 said:


> Wow this thread is amazing! I'm not alone!
> I have so many similar stories such as hiding out during lunch to avoid eating with peers. I would also try to leave school early to avoid having to catch up with friends after school.


You're never alone. We are here.

I'm very interested in your stories. Can you tell yours, please?
PrivateMessage me if you need a friend to talk!


----------



## IvyAndRoses

When I was a teenager my mom would go to the grocery store and I'd go with her because I liked the ride, but I would hide in the back of her van and pretend to be asleep in the parking lot so I wouldn't see anyone. I even hid from the bag boy.

In school I always got to class early and did other homework so no one would try to initiate a conversation.

I've flipped out gone walking miles from home in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere even though I don't think I can make it 20 miles but had to get out of places.

I'm sitting here on an anxiety forum because I can't deal with everything that's happened in the last few days and I want someone to talk to but I'm afraid to even be talking here.


----------



## 0lly

I just spent about half an hour speaking out loud to myself (alone), practising what I was going to say on the phone. Thankfully, I just made the phone call and it went well, but now I feel sick and shaken.


----------



## quietyounglady

- spending lunch periods in high school in the library
- pretending to be asleep in class 
- sitting in the back of a classroom 
- not eating in the college cafeteria
- showing up right on time for class and leaving right after it's over 
:um


----------



## john5050

When sitting by myself outside the cafeteria during lunch I would frequently get up for water at the fountain to look occupied. That way nobody would bother me.


----------



## pork

I cried during jury duty to be exempt.

To avoid coworkers, I work extra hard but then my coworkers hate me for it.

I skipped all school presentations and pretended to have lost my voice when asked to read in class.

Use to sit in the library during lunch and didn't eat until I got home.

I pretend I don't speak English when strangers try to talk to me.


----------



## Embassy

.


----------



## ForAllTime

This thread makes me really sad. I did a lot of things you guys mention in your stories. Eating lunch in the bathroom stall is one memory I have that makes me particularly sad.


----------



## King Moonracer

When im alone in the car after i just get out of a stressful social encounter with a professor, i sing swear words to led zeppelin songs.


----------



## Robodontopus

I was absent for almost half of my senior year of high school. I still managed to pass all of my classes, though. 

There are a lot of other, more specific things I've done because of SA, but I really have to think about it and post it later.


----------



## johnny93

I skipped PE classes, and luch meetings...


----------



## Hoyden

Toilets are such great hiding spots. Also handy to take a few deep breaths and mentally prepare for the next social encounter.

I drink a lot of water because filling up my drink bottle kills a few seconds (and then I need the loo more!)

Sometimes when the phone rings and I don't want to answer I make up excuses to myself to explain why I'm not answering. No one else is there, but I need to justify my actions!

Disappearing acts- I try to dissolve into the background of social gatherings and then make my get away.


----------



## anonymous soul

11th grade i would walk the halls and hide in bathroom stalls during lunch..

Senior year I did everything I could to join a school/work program because it let me leave right before lunch..

Skipped almost every school dance I was supposed to go to..

Skipped field trips..

One time..I went on a camping trip with a church group (maybe around middle school age). I was stressed over whose tent i was going to stay in..and shakily worked out a tent arrangement with a friend...on the ride to the camp. 
At some point he decided that he wanted his other friend in the tent so I had to find another one. I didnt want to ask anyone so I left my bag on the ground near where the tents were. It got dark and everyone else was having a great time...I remember walking away from everyone to where my bag was sitting on the ground...all alone under the stars...just like me..
Eventually I went up to an adult and told them I didn't have a tent. I think I might have broken down and cried..in front of some girls....tragic.


----------



## nbar

Hoyden said:


> Disappearing acts- I try to dissolve into the background of social gatherings and then make my get away.


I used to do this all the time and I still do on some occasions. A lot of times I get invited to social gatherings and it doesn't take long for me to feel like I don't belong so I just leave without letting anyone know.

When there are mandatory social functions at work I tend to kill time by waiting in the toilet until it reaches the point when I can go home.

I used to have days where family friends/relatives would come to visit and I would lock myself in my room and refuse to even come out and say hello.

I remember a camping trip in university where during free time while everyone else was mingling/socialising I was pretending to be asleep in my tent because I didn't want to be seen alone.

There are probably loads more that I just can't think of right now.


----------



## arandomgirl

-if i make plans with somebody i pretend that I'm sick the last minute

-i dont answer if someone is knocking on the door (I look through the peep hole, dont breath incase they can hear me, and continue to look at them until they go away)

-i avoid answering the phone

-i count to 4 repetitively in my head when i walk places (its worse if there are alot of people around)

-when i'm walking past people i feel like i make awkward hand position 

-if i see a person on the same side of the street as me, i cross the street, or i take the long way to class in order to avoid people


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker

squeak


----------



## SereneBeing

You know, before any testomony has been heard or even before any proceedings commence, yelling "GUILTY!!" :mum
Will get you dismissed from jury duty to :boogie



pork said:


> I cried during jury duty to be exempt.
> 
> To avoid coworkers, I work extra hard but then my coworkers hate me for it.
> 
> I skipped all school presentations and pretended to have lost my voice when asked to read in class.
> 
> Use to sit in the library during lunch and didn't eat until I got home.
> 
> I pretend I don't speak English when strangers try to talk to me.


----------



## Makahiya

I have a hard time controlling my flight response... I ran from a guy who tried to talk to me back in high school--I bolted down the street and never looked back. When the girl I was walking home with finally caught up with me my adrenaline level has returned to normal and I acted as if nothing happened.

Nowadays, I just :tiptoe and :hide


----------



## olschool

arandomgirl said:


> -if i make plans with somebody i pretend that I'm sick the last minute
> 
> -i dont answer if someone is knocking on the door (I look through the peep hole, dont breath incase they can hear me, and continue to look at them until they go away)
> 
> -i avoid answering the phone
> 
> -i count to 4 repetitively in my head when i walk places (its worse if there are alot of people around)
> 
> -when i'm walking past people i feel like i make awkward hand position
> 
> -if i see a person on the same side of the street as me, i cross the street, or i take the long way to class in order to avoid people


 i do the same exact things lol


----------



## Liana27

Go in to a clothes shop with the intention of buying something, walk around trying to look at the clothes but couldn't concentrate because of my SA, so just walking around feeling like a nervous wreck and then walking straight back out with nothing.


----------



## Popularity

Bump


----------



## Illmatic123

Ah, awesome thread.. I've got a million, now if I could just think of them.

Theres only a few things like that I do now. I work retail, and our boss is very pushy about making us greet every customer in the department. So I get pretty nervous if the floor gets too busy, and often times I'll go downstairs in the bathroom and pretend I'm taking a ****. They pay you for taking ****s. And I work in a mall so I go to McDonalds a lot to eat, I've got no problem ordering, but if it's crowded and I'll have to actually search for a seat, I'll choose to just go eat it in my car instead rather than eat really close to someone.
Oh, and I never answer the home phone unless its a family member or if I know it's for me. I get really nervous when an unknown number calls my cell phone...but I still answer them usually.

There were so many small instances of it in high school and middle school that nothing really sticks out. However i did spend hours upon hours of class time pretending to sleep while everyone was talking because I had no idea what to do with myself in the classes where I had no friends. Sometimes I got lucky and actually fell asleep, but most of the time I was too busy wondering if people thought I was weird for sleeping in class.

In college, sometimes I'll wind up realizing I'm going the wrong way and instead of risking having someone see me just switch directions for no reason, I'll walk all the way to the other side of the school and circle back around to where I wanted to go lol.


----------



## Popularity

thisgirl said:


> When I receive a text message I wait a few minutes to respond to it so I can seem like I'm busy doing something else or texting other people.


Same


----------



## Innamorata

Illmatic123 said:


> Oh, and I never answer the home phone unless its a family member or if I know it's for me. I get really nervous when an unknown number calls my cell phone...but I still answer them usually.


Yep, I do that. My Mum gets annoyed at me for not answering it and just letting them leave a message.


----------



## littledreamer

When I'm alone in public places, I pretend that I'm talking to somebody on the phone even when it's off/nobody's on so that people won't approach me or talk to me.

At church, everytime it's time for people to shake hands and greet the people around them, i immediately go to the toilet and wait until that part is over because I'm too shy and awkward.

I have to rehearse and practice around 5 or 6 times before I make a call to someone just so i won't screw up.

I make up lots of crazy excuses to keep from meeting up with someone who wants to meet with me, and sometimes I act busy with schoolwork even when there's actually nothing to do so my parents don't bring me with them to social gatherings.

There's actually a lot more but I'm on my phone and am too tired to type. XD


----------



## Vital

I never take the elevator. The moment when that door opens and everyone looks at you is just... awful. I always take the stairs whenever I can. I prefer taking the stair to the 16th floor than taking the elevator (I actually do that every wednesday. I go up the stairs to reach the 16th floor)


----------



## StarGazerGirl

I quit all of the jobs I ever had because of my SA / introversion / depression and now I *really* need a job and it's so difficult. 

I dropped out of college with one class left to get my A.S. because I was in gym one day and ( TMI ) it was that time of the month and without my knowing, it passed through my pants, badly, but no one was nice enough to tell me 'cause I never got to know anyone .

It cost me a relationship with someone I love because he wanted me to get along with his friends and just hang out and be happy ( he's very extroverted ) but I often stayed home while he went out .


----------



## Slytherclaw

I actually prefer to sit alone at lunch. Initially when I sit down for lunch I feel like a loser because I'm all alone, but I'd rather do that than sit with people I hardly know and try to make awkward conversation while also trying not to look weird eating. It's also kind of awkward because I might be talking to someone while I'm in line, and it's like they expect me to go sit with them or something, but after I get my food I take off and hide in some obscure corner of the cafeteria so they can't find me. It's always the worst when they ask me where I went... I even won't eat lunch with one of my closest friends because I'm not exactly close with _her_ friends, so I feel alienated because they don't talk to me and guilty for dividing her attention between me and her much more entertaining friends. :/

Also whenever I'm late for school and I know I'll have to walk in during the middle of class, I either walk around the school in circles or wait in the bathroom till my next class started... And all of my sophomore year I either got my mom to pick me up from school or I walked home because I was too afraid to take my bus, mainly because I'd have to find it and there were a ton of buses and how idiotic would I look searching all over for it?

Just last year I pretended we had a death in the family so I could skip a chorus concert. I don't even feel bad about doing that, it was going to be at a different school and all I could think about was, oh my god, what if I can't find where I'm supposed to go? And I'll look so stupid.

This could go on forever. Seriously.


----------



## Steez

When I was in 7th grade I was basically forced to join the basketball team by my parents. I would purposely do bad and pretend like I didn't know the plays just so that I didn't get playing time. Sports caused me a lot of anxiety.


----------



## olschool

this girl i really liked called last night,-- i didnt answer the phone cuz i hate talking on the phone


----------



## shyboy37

I never drink anything at breakfast so i don't have to be seen going in or out of the school toilets.


----------



## LeonALMS

delete me


----------



## ForeverInBloom

Back in elementary school, I'd always wear a sweater every single day because I wasn't comfortable just wearing a polo shirt. Even during the hot months.


----------



## ak2218

Sometimes when im alone in public I tend to pretend im talking to someone on the phone. Its quite fun let me tell u -___-


----------



## Veritastar

When I find a conversation I think is interesting I try and find something to do around that area that will make me look busy but wont drag me in. I can't help but be interested sometimes. 

I do this around some people I know, they don't seem to mind. I just stand there and listen. No one has ever complained so I just assume it's okay.


----------



## matjef89

When I was in middle school I didn't tell my mom that me and my "girlfriend" broke up until a couple months after we broke up. Until then I just pretended that we were stilling dating.

I've never skipped school because I was afraid of asking people the next day what I missed.

Whenever I went to away games for soccer I would ride in the front of the bus so I didn't have to talk to anyone.

I don't like going shopping during the day because there are too many other people shopping.

For my statistics class in college we had to give people surveys but every time I went some place to give them I freaked out and left. Then it seemed like it was too late to give them and people would ask why I took so long to do it. So I just filled out all the surveys myself.

I'll spend an hour trying to figure something out rather than ask someone and have them explain it to me in a minute.

I can eat alone in public but I always have my phone or a book with me so I can look busy so no one talks to me.

I spent all of last week getting myself ready to make a phone call and then they didn't answer.

If I couldn't drink I would probably never meet anyone new.


----------



## Freiheit

I avoid looking at people because I don't know what to do if I make eye contact, should I smile or say something, or how long is it appropriate to look someone in the eyes without creeping them out.


----------



## Jayne311

Today at school all the snacks I had were crunchy. I was afraid of people hearing me eat, so I went to my car to eat them.

Later today I was starving, and I walked past an event at school where they were giving out free snacks. However, I didn't want to ask for something, so I was just hungry until I got home.

I needed to go see one of my professors, so I went to go to her office. When I get there, the sign on the outside says that no student can come in without an instructor. So I think I should probably knock, but then I hear what sounds like a few people in the room laughing and talking, and I sit on the bench in the hallway, debating about what to do for ten minutes before going and sitting around the corner so the professor wouldn't come out and see me just sitting there.


----------



## shelbster18

Whenever I finish an assignment in class and have nothing else to do before class is over, I'll go back and do it again or pretend like I am doing it. 

Also, whenever cars go by while I'm driving, I scratch my head almost every time. 

I don't like my family seeing what I'm doing on the internet unless it's for school.

I used to go to the library during lunch at the high school.

I talk to myself a lot.

I pretend to look for something to eat in the kitchen just to have an excuse to go out of my room when someone's at home but I really don't want anything to eat at the time.


----------



## jonesy852

-Would sit in one of the stalls in the bathroom during lunch at school.(Contemplated eating some toilet paper one day when I was REALLY hungry. lol.)

-Skip class if I knew I had to give a presentation. Sometimes would skip a whole week of school...)

-Take the long route back to my dorm just to avoid the main traffic areas.

- pee in bottles if one of my family members had people over and I didn't want to leave my room to use the bathroom.

-drive to the store 15 minutes away and just turn around and drive back if I saw that there were a lot of cars in the parking lot, even if it was something I really needed.

-tell my roommate that I am going to hang out with friends when I really just drive around for a couple hours to make it seem like I have somewhat of a social life.

-Forget how to eat properly when eating in public. Cant get fork/spoon to go easily into my mouth while most of the food ends up falling back on my plate. Feel like I look extremely stupid when chewing.

-I am uncomfortably aware of how I walk when in public. Think everybody is looking and wondering, "What the *$#% is wrong with that kid?"

This is kinda fun and sad at the same time. I will post more if I think of any.


----------



## jonesy852

Olazet91 said:


> I avoid looking at people because I don't know what to do if I make eye contact, should I smile or say something, or how long is it appropriate to look someone in the eyes without creeping them out.


same


----------



## Elleire

^ Me too. I think it's that I'm too conscious of where I'm looking when I'm looking at someone. Then I start to feel like this person must think I'm studying their face, and so my eyes end up wandering around the room, but then I worry that they think I'm not interested in what they're saying and... yeah. :no

I have an embarrassing habit of mumbling to myself in foreign accents before some anxiety-provoking activity. I've done it ever since I was little, and can't seem to shake it. Example: I walked from my car to the door of the RMV speaking to myself in a German accent. I don't know why, but it just helps calm me down a bit. 

I can't believe I'm admitting to this. :um


----------



## someguy8

I go to this site.


----------



## KelsKels

I would stay in my English teachers class room durring lunch, even though she hated me. I liked staying there instead of the library because it looked like I was doing detention time lol. I would also skip class and sleep in durring assemblies.


----------



## solasum

Socially comfy people naturally move around a lot in class, but I sit completely still. I something move around to give the appearance that I'm normal.


----------



## ThatKidTotallyRocks

I blurt out things that make no sense.... Like, "I would read if I could only find my pineapple." I actually said that the other day. Also, I will eat dinner really early so I can use the excuse "I already ate" instead of going out.


----------



## 0lly

When I woke up earlier, I used a small mirror as a kind of periscope to poke under the frame of the door, in order to ascertain whether or not the hallway was clear so I could go the the bathroom. :sus


----------



## Metal_Heart

On holiday once my boyfriend and I had been out to dinner, then on the way back to the hotel he decides he needs to go to the shop and tells me to go back to the room on my own and he'll catch me up. So I get in the elevator to go to the floor our hotel room was on, but a man is already inside... he asks me what floor I was on.. and I nervously shout out the wrong number. Cause of my anxiety, I don't correct myself and when the Elevator stops at the wrong floor... he is still inside the Elevator... so while the door is still open and he is watching me.. I pretend to walk towards a hotel room really slowly... and once the doors shut and he is gone... I end up walking down a few flights of stairs to get to my actual hotel room >__< I was so embarrassed.. and also afraid my boyfriend would see me walking down the stairs through the window on his way back from the shop. 

But turns out he'd done something more embarrassing. He knocked on our hotel room door knowing I would be inside, he put on a womans voice saying "house-keeping" to try and freak me out and make me nervous.... turns out it wasn't our hotel room... it was a hotel room on the floor below.. and a big man in a towel opened the door to greet him  

So just goes to show, that everyone makes a fool out of themselves once in a while ^__^


----------



## Eraque

I hid in the bathroom for 7th period for two months until a teacher found me. 

Not eat from breakfast till afterschool. Eating a breakfast causes my stomach to produce loud hunger pain noises. Opening my mouth when I didn't talk in school drew stares. I just did homework in lunch. Or doodled.

I hate the way I stand up after I kneel, so I never used my locker.

I got F's in any class where you had to ask the teacher for materials, the next project, help, directions, whatever. So I scored low in tech class, art, and photography. 

In gym I hated partners/groups/tournaments. You had to ask or be asked. So I just wandered to the sidelines and sat the class out. I did that lots of times, hoping the teacher wouldn't talk to me for that.

If I forgot my school computer ID/password, I'd hope the teacher just wouldn't see me and my beeping blue screen for the whole period. 

A teacher on the first day of school handed out a bunch of cards and told the kids to write something about themselves. I wrote anti-social. Odd way to introduce myself, I guess. XD

I always wear sweatshirts and jeans, even if it's blazing.

For a whole school year I hid my face behind my hair. Walked hallways, sat in classrooms like that, etc. I could see pretty well through my veil of hair, so it wasn't much a problem, though I'd brush a bit of it away occasionally if I had to take a lot of notes down fast. My hair's totally black and super-long, so I looked like a reaper's ghoul. XD

If someone rings the doorbell, I turn off all the electronics and lights in the house and crawl on the floor to hide somewhere where a window can't spot me. Then I hope they go away. 

One year I did not wear a winter coat to school. The bus could be extremely late (seems like I always had the bus that was always late), there could be a snowstorm, or the wind could be like knives, but I still refused to wear one.

My hands cracked with dryness (I'm an obsessive hand-washer) until they bled. I held them like claws since the skin was so tight. Sometimes when I uncurled them they'd start bleeding. They burned slightly and were unsightly to look at, but they never bothered me much aside from the bloodstains. Now I use lotion though.


----------



## luctus

0lly said:


> When I woke up earlier, I used a small mirror as a kind of periscope to poke under the frame of the door, in order to ascertain whether or not the hallway was clear so I could go the the bathroom. :sus


I wish this didn't sound so familiar...

thankfully I live alone now and mostly just peek through the hole in the front door and stare at my neighbors whenever I hear them coming or going.


----------



## Michael13453

Walk different routes to avoid seeing certain people.


----------



## yomrwhite

Avoid drinking/going to parties because I worry about what I will say/do when drunk and getting ridiculed for it

Talk to myself all the time (thinking out loud or like whispering thoughts to my myself when walking my dog) because I have no one else to tell them to


----------



## NoName99

Oh man, so many familiar stories here. 

- I come home, have lunch, and go back rather than stay and lunch at work, even though it's a long, long ride;

- whenever I have to go somewhere I've never been to, I have to have it all carefully planned beforehand, using google maps to memorize every little detail along the way -- then, if I find something significantly unexpected, I get the hell out;

- before calling someone not close to me on the phone, I have to rehearse every word and foresee the entire conversation;

- I never ask any teacher about anything, ever;

- when out and about for longer periods of time, I'd just go hungry and thirsty until I finally got home, even if I was out the entire day;

- I paid 3x the money to get my driver's license, because I couldn't complete the course in time the first couple of times due to avoidance;

- sigh... many, many more :|


----------



## RmZ

I remember once walking down the road and realising that I had gone the wrong way.. But instead of just turning around I walked around the whole block which is around 4 times the distance just so I didn't look stupid for going the wrong way :/


----------



## 0lly

Eraque said:


> One year I did not wear a winter coat to school. The bus could be extremely late (seems like I always had the bus that was always late), there could be a snowstorm, or the wind could be like knives, but I still refused to wear one.
> 
> My hands cracked with dryness (I'm an obsessive hand-washer) until they bled. I held them like claws since the skin was so tight. Sometimes when I uncurled them they'd start bleeding. They burned slightly and were unsightly to look at, but they never bothered me much aside from the bloodstains. Now I use lotion though.


Sounds like me. Though I somehow managed to get out of the hand-washing a few years ago, but my knuckles were always cracked and sometimes bleeding. It used to occasion comments.


----------



## TheStrangeOnes

yomrwhite said:


> Avoid drinking/going to parties because I worry about what I will say/do when drunk and getting ridiculed for it
> 
> Talk to myself all the time (thinking out loud or like whispering thoughts to my myself when walking my dog) because I have no one else to tell them to


Oh I do that too- whispering my thoughts sort of thing! I've done it for as long as I can remember. It's weird I suppose, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.:teeth


----------



## TheStrangeOnes

RmZ said:


> I remember once walking down the road and realising that I had gone the wrong way.. But instead of just turning around I walked around the whole block which is around 4 times the distance just so I didn't look stupid for going the wrong way :/


I've done that many times. I'll keep walking so far and then look at my watch pretending I've remembered something before sheepishly walking back the way I came!


----------



## Saint Myr

Here's my grand confession.

Because of SA I deleted my Facebook.

Well it was more because I figured the people there couldn't care less about me.

Of course, it's hard to begin a journey of solitude now that I have killed my old self; but alas, it is the decision I have made.


----------



## Stardust3

NoName99 said:


> - whenever I have to go somewhere I've never been to, I have to have it all carefully planned beforehand, using google maps to memorize every little detail along the way -- then, if I find something significantly unexpected, I get the hell out;
> 
> - before calling someone not close to me on the phone, I have to rehearse every word and foresee the entire conversation;


I do these, as well 

- I rarely answer the door or telephone. If I hear the doorbell, I hide in the bathroom so I can peak through the window to see who it is at the door.

- I hate eating lunch in front of people at work. I just fear they'll hear me chewing my food or whatever. I get self-conscious about chewing too loud.

- I cannot leave the house without makeup on. I'm so self-conscious about how I look.

- When I do muster up the courage to go to the store by myself, I usually call my mom and stay on the phone majority of the time so I don't feel awkward. Also - I usually use the self-checkout so I don't have to talk to a cashier.

It's embarrassing for me to admit to doing this stuff, but I'm glad I'm not the only one. :sigh


----------



## Crystallize

At my job sometimes I have to make the 4 closing annoucements. Usually I sit there trying to breathe normal so I don't sound funny and when I say them I can feel my face get really red and even though I know the annoucement by heart I still read it off the paper. 
Whats worse though is next week I'll be training a new person and I have to make the annoucements the day that I'm training her so she'll be watching me...that is going to be bad lol


----------



## Michael13453

Saint Myr said:


> Here's my grand confession.
> 
> Because of SA I deleted my Facebook.
> 
> Well it was more because I figured the people there couldn't care less about me.
> 
> Of course, it's hard to begin a journey of solitude now that I have killed my old self; but alas, it is the decision I have made.


 I deleted mine too, but because I realized it was useless.


----------



## yomrwhite

TheStrangeOnes said:


> Oh I do that too- whispering my thoughts sort of thing! I've done it for as long as I can remember. It's weird I suppose, but I'm glad I'm not the only one.:teeth


It's really not crazy to think out loud. People always say that it's normal to talk to yourself, just not having _conversations_ with yourself. I just think it's weird because I have no one to tell them to which is why I do it


----------



## Lonewolf207

bronco028 said:


> In 10th grade I was to scared to ask for a ride home or ride the bus so I walked 5 miles in 110 degree heat until someone I knew finally picked me up.


 Haha i can totally relate to that one. It was the first day of school and our buses line up in a bus line at the end of the day and each bus had a number on it. [Ex. MS14] and you had to match your bus pass number to the one on the bus and that was your bus. 
But i was too scared of looking stupid, mindlessly walking around trying to find my bus,(Even though there were teachers available to ask for help) so i decided to walk home when it was grotesquely hot out. Half way down the road i realized i went the wrong way and i had no idea where i was, i was too scared to call my mom and ask for directions. And i had just kept walking straight until i ended up at a hair salon i recognized, which was Miles away from my house. And i arrived home Finally.. 2 hours later. When the Elementry school was getting out -.-


----------



## Popularity

I always leave the rearview mirror in my car flipped down so I don't make eye contact with the people driving behind me.


----------



## Dazzle

· I used to rush to class to be the first one there, to avoid walking in with everyone looking at me.
· I used to avoid eating lunch in school because I felt uncomfortable sitting in front of people eating.
· My senior year, I avoided lunch period and stayed in the classroom to avoid everyone because I felt stupid for just sitting in the cafeteria doing nothing while everyone talked and ate lunch.
· When I was in elementary school, after lunch, we had to go sit in the auditorium, and I always rushed to sit down first so I did not have to face people when I walked in.
· When I see people I know, I get anxious so I pretend I do not see them. 
· When I see people, I know I usually wait until they say hi, first because I was too scared to speak.
· When I am walking down the street, if someone laughs, I think they are laughing at me.
· I remember being put on the spot in high school, and when the teacher asked me a question I froze, and I was laughed at everyone was looking at me like I was weird.
· Although, I have a Face book I questioned why do I even have one, I do not talk to anyone on my friends list except my sister. 
· I avoid social events, if my fiancé is going somewhere and he invite me, I would stay home because so many people are going with him.
· I only feel comfortable and I am able to be myself around certain people, like my fiancé, mom, dad, sister, nephews, and my aunt, and close cousins. People who I do not see often or have not grown up with, makes me uncomfortable.
· I use to avoid eating in restaurants now, I no longer feel anxious when eating in public. /SIZE]


----------



## Dazzle

I used to be so terrified on the first day of school, so I would cry and run out the building, only to get a beating.


----------



## somemvp

One time when I was about 11 years old I stayed the night over at a friends house. He woke up before me, and by the time I woke up I was in his bedroom alone. I could hear people out in the living room like his family had some adult friends over. I was too scared to leave the room because as soon as you step into the hallway, you are in view of people in the living room. Long story short, I had to piss, I took my pants off, and went sitting right there on his floor. I laid back down far away from it and pretended to be asleep still. When my friend came back in to wake me up and saw it I suggested it must have been the cat. It was far too much piss to be from a cat, but his mom still went along and cleaned it up saying the cat did. Maybe she didn't want me to feel embarrassed.


----------



## Vict0r

Whenever I see someone I know in public (unless I want to see them) I immediately turn around with my head down and start walking quickly, turning into the first street or place I can turn into and I'll just keep walking until I lose them. If I'm in a supermarket I'll move to a different aisle if I see someone I know, then if I see them coming to that aisle, I'll move to another. And then I'll wait for them to pay for their items and leave before I pay for my stuff.


----------



## Chaos2000

somemvp said:


> One time when I was about 11 years old I stayed the night over at a friends house. He woke up before me, and by the time I woke up I was in his bedroom alone. I could hear people out in the living room like his family had some adult friends over. I was too scared to leave the room because as soon as you step into the hallway, you are in view of people in the living room. Long story short, I had to piss, I took my pants off, and went sitting right there on his floor. I laid back down far away from it and pretended to be asleep still. When my friend came back in to wake me up and saw it I suggested it must have been the cat. It was far too much piss to be from a cat, but his mom still went along and cleaned it up saying the cat did. Maybe she didn't want me to feel embarrassed.


Lol classic


----------



## Rex92

Stay in the boy's cubicle in school until classes were over as I hated the humilation of no-one sitting beside me in the classroom.


----------



## dogtopus710

I never really ate in the library like alot of you said. I mostly ate in the art room because there were few people in there and I knew most of them and felt somewhat comfortable around them. I skipped class aloot. Even ended up dropping out simply because I couldn't take the social pressure anymore. I dressed weird. Probably as a defense mechanism to confuse people or make them stay away from me. I did alot of avoiding behaviors but it's hard to remember any specific incidents right now. 

One thing I do now is whenever I'm in a public place or walking down the street, I will purposely go far around people so i don't have to make eye contact, smile or accidentally bump into them which I have sort of a phobia about.


----------



## lilcloud

*just to add......*

I HATE taking elevators because of small talk and awkward silences and people looking at me. Whenever it was lunch time I escape and find somewhere to be alone so I don't have to eat in front of co-workers.


----------



## Crystallize

I frequently worry that I clicked the wrong thread and what I'm typing is in the tottaly wrong post so I will type it but get to worried that I messed up and everyone will wonder why I posted it so I normally don't even post. But if I do post I always triple check to make sure its in the right place and I didn't make a fool of myself. Stupid I know...

Anyone else feel that way?

Also when me and my sister were still in daycare (I think it was before I even started kindergarden or during kindergarden, not sure) I was too scared to ask to use the bathroom so I always made my sister ask for me. One time she wouldn't ask and I ended up going in my pants so I had to ask to use the bathroom to clean up. No one knew I had an accident but I was scared they would. I guess I had to be like 4 or 5.


----------



## Moon Thief

Whenever I see someone I know, I will try and walk a different route because I can't say hi to people.

I always get nervous on how to say by to people, so then I end up randomly walking off when I'm with people. This also happens when I'm the phone, so I'll end up mumbling something then awkwardly hang up. 

I also hate asking for rides from people, so I ended up walking home from a lot of places whenever they couldn't pick me up. 

I've always had a problem where I can't address people by their names, so then I panic because I can't get their attention which makes me just stand their until they notice me, which makes me look even more awkward and panicky.


----------



## JenN2791

Umm let's see if I remember..

1. In HS I would always sit in the bathroom alone during lunch. Sometimes just ate my food in the stalls too.

2. If I didn't sit in the bathroom stalls, I'd just eat lunch in my teachers' classrooms alone in a corner.

3. In elementary, I started to be more and more alone after 2nd grade. I always just played on my own, sit on the swings all alone. I wasn't really hyperactive anymore like I used to be, sad to say.

4. Now in college, I now have a habit of walking to this garden we have to just cry. Been crying a whole lot this semester.

I must say this semester of college for me has been a dark period in my life once again. Last time I felt the way I do now was 2-3 years ago when I was sexually abused by my bf (ex now).

Just saw someone say here that they avoid saying hi to people they are cool with too. I do that so much, I hate it. I try not to. It then makes people feel like I'm avoiding them and don't want anything to do with them :\


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## sociallyretarded

Look completely stuck up when you're the one who is actually terrified of the other person.


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## diamondheart89

Never answer the door.


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## Dazzle

When I am invited somewhere, at the last minute I get cold feet and say I'm not going. If I do not know all the details for something I panic. Especially if I need to go somewhere I never been before, I'll get anxious and want someone to come with me. I'm scared to drive because I'm scared the car might break down on the highway or on the street and I wouldn't know what to do. Because of my anxiety, I would start goals and never finish.For instance I went to security school my fiancé but boyfriend at that time paid for, I got down to my last class and quit because I became frighten of the interview I had to do following the completion of the class and my boyfriend was mad, which is why when he wants to help me i do not want him to because I am afraid he his going to get mad if I quit out fear again.


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## lilcloud

For the same reasons, thought of doing this many times.



Saint Myr said:


> Here's my grand confession.
> 
> Because of SA I deleted my Facebook.
> 
> Well it was more because I figured the people there couldn't care less about me.
> 
> Of course, it's hard to begin a journey of solitude now that I have killed my old self; but alas, it is the decision I have made.


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## lilcloud

I used to have a hard time using the bathroom if someone was in the stall next to me, and would take several minutes to finally use it. 

When I worked at a new job, I secretly looked for many hiding places for me to eat lunch. I have eaten in the bathroom so no one can see me (I've read this one a lot here...wow)....

I avoid and walk the other way when I see people outside since I hate engaging in small talk (this one too).

I didn't have a wedding ceremony because I couldn't go through people staring at me.

I don't talk to my husband's family on the phone who lives in another country because I think they won't like me and I am afraid to talk to them anyway. I think they think I'm weird.

I don't like going to church because I hate to socialize. My family is pentecostal. I am the first to whisk away out of church and straight to the car to wait for my other family members, on such occasions that I do attend. 

My only friends are my close family members.


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## lilcloud

meganmila said:


> I don't answer my phone if I don't recognize the number.
> 
> In high school I always went to the bathroom or library during lunch.
> 
> I try to not make any noise when it's really quiet.
> 
> I like wearing sunglasses in public cause people don't have to see my eyes.
> 
> I'm always moving or acting like I'm doing something when people are looking at me or walking by.
> 
> I'm sure there's a lot more I just can't think of anymore.


I'm the sunglasses girl too. I felt so much better the first time I tried it.


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## JenN2791

OH! I just remembered, and realized:

I delete people off my FB if I see their life is much better than mine. I delete the females whom I feel are better looking than me, just so I don't feel "threatened" anymore.

Way to go, low self-esteem..


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## HardbodyNinja

TheStrangeOnes said:


> I've done that many times. I'll keep walking so far and then look at my watch pretending I've remembered something before sheepishly walking back the way I came!


cant tell you how many times i've done this. sometimes i would pretend to get a phone call and then turn around


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## GaaraAgain

I don't answer the phone even if I recognize the number because I hate talking on the phone.

I cannot use public bathrooms because I feel like people are judging the way I pee 

I back out of social invitations in favor of staying home because I get nervous about the awkwardness I know I'll bring beforehand.

I've passed up some nice opportunities in my life (school and career related) because I had to be interviewed first.

I never look people in the face when I speak to them and often speak so low they ask me to repeat myself, making me feel even more anxious/awkward.


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## Dazzle

This is similar to other post I have read. When I take a walk, I'll usually take my phone out of my pocket and look at it, as if I received a message before I turn back around and walk in the other direction. Also if I am standing outside and people are around, I would feel stupid for just standing there, so I would act like I am texting someone to look active.


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## Kuhle

I'd skip lunch at school so I wouldn't have to go to the cafeteria or eat in front of people. 

I only answer the phone if one of my parents is calling. 

I ignore people a lot if I don't know how to respond to them, making me look like an a-hole when I'm actually just too terrified to speak. 

In high school I would refuse to do any sort of presentation unless it was for Chinese. There were some classes where I wouldn't even speak. 

I back out of a lot of situations at the last minute because I start feeling sick. Even simple things such as going to the mall.


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## lost91

Lol I guess many of us with SA do weird things. When I was in high school I started to develp SA around the 10th grade. I didnt start to do weird things until the 11th grade. I would sometimes skip my PE class by sitting in the last restroom stall until class was over. I also started to avoid sitting with my cool group of friends halfway through the 10th grade cus I began developing the fear of eating in front of others so I would sit with another group and everntually ended up hanging out with only 1 friend all throughout half of my senior year. Halfway through my senior year,lunch time was the WORST. I would walk by myself to the near Jack-In-The-Box and eat alone while others ate with their friends(School cafeteria was worse). After that I decided to hide from all the people and I would just walk into a vocational building and hide in the only restroom stall until lunch was over. I was so embarrased at the time of being seen all alone. It felt like high school was never going to end for me. I now still have the fear of eating in front of others mostly because I may start to sweat and embarrass myself. Im 20 yrs old btw..


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## Cud

I walk for nearly 2 hours to get to university and when people ask me why I pretend to be a fitness freak rather than admit I'm afraid of public transport.
When I get back to the apartment I share with 5 others I turn off all my lights and pretend to be asleep. 
I hit myself over the head in private when I make social mistakes earlier in the day.
I break things and then fix them just to look busy.


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## behappy621

I do a bunch of stuff like that. I have a friend who will just call random friends to see if they wanna hang out cause she's bored. And a lot of the time I lie and say I'm busy cause I'm afraid that I'll run out of things to say or something and it'll be awkward. Also, in english class we have to do these oral report things every time we finish reading a book. But it's only to the teacher during the first 10 minutes of class while the rest of the class reads. And each term we have to do 600 pages worth of reports a term and 300 by midterm. And I was so nervous about asking if I could do one, that I missed 1st midterm. So now I have a C+ in english just cause I did my first 300 pages late :|


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## rvandall

Not eating because my sister and her friends (one is super hot) were in the kitchen baking stuff all day.


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## rnotlee

I have this uncontrollable habit of pulling out my cellphone whenever around people. It's just so hard to make myself look around and not appear nervous at the same time. I also tend to go to the bathroom when I don't need to, and I always get a cup of water wherever it's accessible.


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## tohellandback

I tend to pull out my phone sometimes when i'm nervous, or like when there's a line up at a fast food place I will start to pace back and forth, start to fidget with my hands or adjust stuff that doesn't need adjusting.


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## mcmuffinme

destroy relationships so that i can escape all possibility of rejection...then feel lonely because i have no friends...


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## kos

I just went to the store and bought diet Doctor Pepper and Fudge, two items I had no interest in buying. I also had to leave two frozen dinners, which I also wasn't going to eat, in aisle 4 because I saw someone I knew from elementry school with his football buddies. The frozen dinners are now sitting there on a shelf thawing. I wasn't able to get any of the items I needed and wasted $8.


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## RawrJessiRawr

4th grade-12th I would either ditch or get sick on purpose on days I had presentations...
If im late, I rather not go.
I pretend im using my phone to text sometimes when the conversation gets silent for too long so it doesn't seem totally awkward


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## danabeaton

I had a really hard time going to the first tour of the boarding house at my school on the first day of sixth form. They used the main floor of the boarding house for sixth formers to keep their stuff, etc. Afterwards we were supposed to go to a barbeque. I made an excuse to my friends - vaguely - and ran to my parent's car. They were parked, waiting for my brother and I couldn't stay any longer. They were annoyed with me for not going, but I just started crying.

I did a lot of run and hide type things, but I forgot a lot. I was on medication and it feels like I suppressed a lot of those memories.


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## TheStrangeOnes

Moon Thief said:


> Whenever I see someone I know, I will try and walk a different route because I can't say hi to people.
> 
> I always get nervous on how to say by to people, so then I end up randomly walking off when I'm with people. This also happens when I'm the phone, so I'll end up mumbling something then awkwardly hang up.
> 
> I also hate asking for rides from people, so I ended up walking home from a lot of places whenever they couldn't pick me up.
> 
> I've always had a problem where I can't address people by their names, so then I panic because I can't get their attention which makes me just stand their until they notice me, which makes me look even more awkward and panicky.


Like you, I have a fear of addressing people by their names- even family!
I also hate having to say hello to people I pass in the street. It seems such a simple thing to do, but it fills me with anxiety when I'm approaching the person. Then afterwards I'll wonder if I spoke in the "right" tone of voice . I'll repeat what I said over and over in my head and worry that the person perhaps thought I sounded weird or whatever. I know all of this is completely irrational, but I just can't help myself.ops


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## DubnRun

ThisGuy said:


> Completely ignore girls I find attractive or halfway decent looking. I won't say anything to them, act like they aren't there, or look their way despite their being right in front of me, unless they break the ice and initiate a conversation with me. What's even more sad is that 99.9% of the time I'm dying on the inside to say something, ANYTHING to them. Terrible habit that I hope doesn't haunt me forever.


I second that, also pretending to text and look like im busy on my phone all of a sudden (even though im scrolling down ancient text messages ive seen many tims before) for example when walking down a hallway, in college etc..which I actually quit due to SA  regrets


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## march_hare

mcmuffinme said:


> destroy relationships so that i can escape all possibility of rejection...then feel lonely because i have no friends...


Yep :-(


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## seaport

I can't look at cashiers/professors directly in the face when I am saying goodbye. For example:

Cashier: Have a nice day!
Me: You too!  [said while looking in a completely different direction or walking away in a brisk and urgent manner, can't make eye contact for more than a fraction of a second]

Then I agonize about it. People must think I'm rude, stuck-up, nebbish, emotionally stunted, mentally impaired, etc.


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## Wacky Wednesdays

Getting paranoid/conscious of the smallest things e.g. not knowing how to open a door/use a new machine etc.

Omg I just want to facepalm when I can't open a door because I've turned it the wrong way or when I have to use some sorta unfamiliar gadget or machine and I can't quite get the buttons right...it's always worse when people are watching


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## citizen_erased

I was out with my friend the other day and we decided to get a meal at McDonalds. I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal but when we were sat down at the table and i went to drink some of it i realised i'd been given a milkshake instead. I don't like milkshakes but i didn't say anything cos i didn't want to make a fuss, and just pretended to sip it once or twice so he wouldn't ask why/notice i wasn't drinking my drink.

I also avoid leaving voicemail messages and messages on answering machines on people's phones at all costs because i hate the way my voice sounds when recorded and i feel stupid talking to a machine and the i know i'd just end up torturing myself afterwards about how i sounded/what i said etc - i'd rather leave it and maybe call back later or just send a text.


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## peytonfarquar

This time of year there are a lot of Salvation Army bell ringers outside of buildings looking for charity donations. I whip out my cell phone and fiddle with it so I don't have to interact with the bell ringers.


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## KelsKels

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> Getting paranoid/conscious of the smallest things e.g. not knowing how to open a door/use a new machine etc.
> 
> Omg I just want to facepalm when I can't open a door because I've turned it the wrong way or when I have to use some sorta unfamiliar gadget or machine and I can't quite get the buttons right...it's always worse when people are watching


My exact problem. I feel stupid for being scared of doors lol. But that's my problem. Just little stupid things most people don't think about. I've avoided situations because of things like this.


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## Rhonda1

my weird thing I did of my social anxiety was when I was in biology class I left 5 minutes before class was over and went to the library before my 7th period class of the day I stay in the library for about 30 minutes and I didn't know where everyone was so I went back in the library and ask the lady who was in the library and she told me it was a pep rally and I walk to the gym I was about to go in but I stood outside the door watching because I was scared everyone was going to look at me that was the awkward thing I done before


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## bittertaste

First six months of my freshman high school year I did not eat lunch at all. I sat in the library. I did not speak to anyone. I would come home and cry every day. Missed school several times because of the anxiety, broke down in front of my mom once. Only started eating lunch again when my doctor told me that if I continued to fast and be anxious I would develop an ulcer/other serious crap (was first put on Zoloft at this point.)

Last six months of my senior year of high school I gave up lunch again. Sat in the counselor's office through lunch and basically spent most of my classtime comatose and waiting to go home.

Used to be scared to talk to cashiers of any kind. My best friend in high school used to order food for me at fast food restaurants because of this.

I still have problems making eye contact with people.


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## peytonfarquar

I always play down illnesses so I don't have to go to a doctor. Picking up the phone, making an appointment, meeting a new doctor, figuring out the bill as it relates to insurance. . .all the hassle isn't worth it I convince myself. I've learned to brave through illnesses even where a doctor isn't required. I've heard of Tylenol and Aspirin but don't know what they do specifically. I've dealt with a swollen eye the past several days and I'm not sure it is yet going back to normal but onward I trod in doctorlessness. There were other days I could barely walk due to abdominal pain, but I convinced myself it would be okay. That pain went away fast, fortunately. Another time, I had stomach pains which I later figured out to have been from food poisoning.

I know my shying away from doctors is to the point where it's big-time abnormal, so on top of all of this I have to hide my illnesses from everyone around me so I don't get asked that dreaded question, "Why don't you see a doctor?"

On a lighter note, everyone around me must think I'm some sort of superman; I rarely get sick and I rarely tell anyone when I do.


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## Faith012

when i was in grade school like 6th grade i usually missed school on the days that we were supposed to give an oral presentation i hated them ..


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## Tentative

The worst one for me is dropping out of school at 17, partly due to depression....Don't worry; I'm doing better now and I'm in university! Hurray! 

Another one off the top of my head is when I was at my sister's party, she invited a huge crowd of people that I didn't know and most likely wouldn't like either. Me and my cousin spent some time talking in a separate room with no people, except the occasional family preparing some snacks and drinks. I wanted to leave early but I didn't want to pass the huge and loud crowd that was all over. So instead we spent 3 more hours waiting for people to leave...well, at least I did, but I suspect he has SA, or something like it, too.

I also avoided presentations and would pretend to be ill when I had to give them. Sometimes I even ended up staying home for a longer period of time: So it wouldn't seem like I didn't show up because I didn't want to give the presentation.


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## crookedsmile

1) I avoid phone conversations as much as I can. I've been like this since middle school but it became worse after high school. But thank goodness for technology! I can refill prescriptions, order take-out, cancel subscriptions, etc. through apps on my cell. 

2) Whenever I'm out and I make direct eye contact with someone I went to school with, I would immediately look away and pretend like I didn't see them even though it was obvious I did. I tend to avoid places where the majority of the people in that certain place would recognize me. Just recently, I started to avoid this one place where I like to eat because the employees started to remember me. I do this a lot for other stores as well. I would drive 20+ miles to a store even though there's one less than a mile away from me. 

3) At family gatherings I would constantly hold a plate of food with me and pretend to be eating the whole time I'm there. When I see someone about to approach me I would put a big spoonful of food in my mouth to avoid talking to them. 



That's all I could think of so far.


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## scriabin221

peytonfarquar said:


> I always play down illnesses so I don't have to go to a doctor. Picking up the phone, making an appointment, meeting a new doctor, figuring out the bill as it relates to insurance. . .all the hassle isn't worth it I convince myself. I've learned to brave through illnesses even where a doctor isn't required. I've heard of Tylenol and Aspirin but don't know what they do specifically. I've dealt with a swollen eye the past several days and I'm not sure it is yet going back to normal but onward I trod in doctorlessness. There were other days I could barely walk due to abdominal pain, but I convinced myself it would be okay. That pain went away fast, fortunately. Another time, I had stomach pains which I later figured out to have been from food poisoning.
> 
> I know my shying away from doctors is to the point where it's big-time abnormal, so on top of all of this I have to hide my illnesses from everyone around me so I don't get asked that dreaded question, "Why don't you see a doctor?"
> 
> On a lighter note, everyone around me must think I'm some sort of superman; I rarely get sick and I rarely tell anyone when I do.


You need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and go. I know it's not easy, but this will get really serious and eventually you'll wake up in the hospital, not knowing how you got there and you'll wish you had just gone to the doctor.


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## SweetNSour82

TheWeirdMysterious said:


> Some weird behavior that I have done would have to be a few weeks ago when I was working in a customs broker company...well at lunch time I would go to my truck and eat there alone in 105degree weather and sometimes more since the truck was in the sun all day.


:ditto (when I had a job)



winduptoy said:


> Some days (this is weird) I just walked around the campus very slowly for the whole lunch period. I did this on breaks too. I pretended like I really had somewhere to go. I must have looked like an idiot to the people I passed over and over again.


I did the same thing at the church my parents made me go to. I'd just keep walking around and around passing the same people. They must have though.. wtf :sus


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## saltyleaf

ok so there was this time in high school when i went to summer school & i would go to the library everyday and read my twilight books. i couldn't bear being in the cafeteria. the only embarassing part was that the library entrance was right in front of the cafeteria, talk about wearing a big sign on your forehead that reads "LOSER!" it was also mostly glass windows so i could be seen but i would hide behind the bookshelves that rose a good 4ft and sit on my beanbag on the floor and read.
in high school i was also an avoider. i would go to the library everyday for lunch and read new issues of national geograhic and popular science. *sigh the good times 
i rarely eat in public or when i do it must be far far far away from other ppl. can i get the booth you have in the back by the trash lol i also doint like ordering and usually get whoever im with to do it for me :/


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## Brad

Get to school (1st period) late and end up ditching campus for the hour because I didn't want to walk into class late and have everyone look @ me


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## jakay122

When I was in high school most days I had no one to sit with, so I would often drive my car as far away as I could from campus, and eat lunch alone with the radio on. I always feared someone finding me.


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## jakay122

peytonfarquar said:


> This time of year there are a lot of Salvation Army bell ringers outside of buildings looking for charity donations. I whip out my cell phone and fiddle with it so I don't have to interact with the bell ringers.


I do this a lot too, but mostly because the bell ringers are often girls from my school.


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## peytonfarquar

fissionesque said:


> You need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and go. I know it's not easy, but this will get really serious and eventually you'll wake up in the hospital, not knowing how you got there and you'll wish you had just gone to the doctor.


Not worth putting the boots on or pulling myself up by them, sad to say. Anxiety wins out versus my own health.

Same with the job situation. I buy and sell things online but it is a thin market that could collapse on me on any time. If I ever had to look for a real job I'd be in trouble. A big gap in work history doesn't look good, even though I was self-employed working from home. . .eh, it doesn't count for much through the eyes of employers. *I'm ruining my job prospects but with my anxiety i conclude this is the better option. My justification of such dictates I lower the very value of my life*.


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## GoFlyers

I adjust the paths I take when walking to avoid certain things.

Recently two things I've done are:
Not knowing how to say goodbye/leave a house so I just walked out the door when nobody was looking :/

And walking 2 miles home in the rain after knowing full well that two people would be driving past my house. Hate asking for rides . I waited till they left so that I could leave after them and not get offered a ride


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## Shadow2009

Missing a hospital appointment because of the weather, and then being too afraid to phone up and apoligise, and then waiting three weeks before phoning up (when no one else was in the house, and I was shaking like mad with fear), asked to name who my G.P was, hanging up when you don't know your G.P and now you regret everything.  I really NEEDED to go to that hospital appointment!


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## Preicessler

This thread always cheers me up when I'm feeling down. Thanks! 

Whenever I'm outside I tend to avoid eye contact with people, which results into me walking into things lol. Recently I was exiting the grocery store, and kept my head down to avoid eye contact with the people coming in. Next thing I Know I walk into a large charity bin and bumped my head. Before that I walked straight into a pole, because I was watching the cars pass by me (I'm paranoid thinking the people in the cars are looking at me). Luckily nobody noticed me in both those incidents. :afr


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## faith1

when i was in school, i spent my break time (30 minutes break) alone in toilet or walking around school like an idiot. i am so scared to enter into cafeteria to buy food because i was anxious that people would laugh at me having no friends to eat.


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## iwant2bfree

I put duct tape in my shirts because I have [the worst] nervous under-arm sweat when it comes to socializing.


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## immortal80

this is pretty depressing, but i haven't talked to a single friend for just about the past year or so. they all probably think i hate their guts and whatnot, and several probably have put me in their "poop'" list because of it. it's really stupid, but i've been in a rut / personal hell the past year... have no idea what to do with my life and i'm embarrassed about being unemployed (all of my friends are pretty successful: lawyers, trainers, network administrators, violin instructors, etc). this has all led to me neglecting others and i'm afraid to try and reach out to them again.


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## Blawnka

I also never liked asking for rides or anything like that, I'd walk to school, walk back home for lunch, and walk back after lunch, only to walk home after school again.. 

I used to purposely be late for class so I didn't have to walk in my high schools front door where everyone sits and stares at you when you walk in.

I'd sometimes pretend to be texting, or talking on the phone, to avoid social situations.

I'm sure there is more, but nothing comes to mind.


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## Beanstalk

You do a lot of extra walking!

I have walked past a bar, because I was too scared to go in and order a drink. This in -10 below freezing weather, and then stand in some anonymous apartment lobby to get warm. 

Walked past the 7-11 when I just wanted a chocolate bar or something.

Walked away from an important meeting or appointment, and then had some awkward explaining to do afterwards. (I have done this so many times ... ) Like the explaining was any easier than just doing the godawful appointment or whatever. So irrational.

Once I drove to the dry cleaners, because I had some dress clothes that needed dry cleaning. And then I drove home because I was too scared to go inside and talk for 5 seconds. It was just ... a friggin' ... dry-cleaner's! :b lol!


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## MissGemmaRogers

I used to always eat in the toilets. They shut down the toilets i ate in and made some really public ones that can be seen right into (until you go into the cubicle) so I couldnt eat in there anymore. I would tell people that I was hanging with a friend at lunchtime. Now i just hang in the library and dont bother eating at all.


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## Yogurt

I sometimes went to the library during lunch too and also in the morning before classes started because everyone would be in the commons area socializing and I always felt overwhelmed. 

I also have a habit of lying about what I did over the weekends because I hardly ever do anything. I've even lied to my mom about how me and some girls from work went to hang out afterwards when really I was just asked to stay later and that's why I was home late. She always says she wants me to make friends so... I lie lol.

Also one time in choir class we had a concert coming up and my instructors ordered a bunch of dresses in all different sizes for us to try on and wear during the concert. I tried on one that was too small and I was so embarrassed to come out of the dressing room that I stayed in there for like 10 minutes or more and girls kept knocking on the door to see if I was done yet. I would have just come out with my regular clothes on but they wanted us to come out with the dresses on to see how they looked and I was just so ashamed. I did eventually come out but by the time I did class was over and most of the girls had left. Ugh. The dress was like REDICULOUSLY small like "Omg she should have known that's too small for her why would she even try it on?" small. I don't know what I was thinking. Thinking back on it I was SO stupid and should have just ran out, grabbed a MUCH bigger size, and ran back in.


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## colorfulshrooms

Reading through this thread brings back some bad memories... i sat in the bathroom constantly my first 3 years of high school. I would also walk around pretending to look for someone... i cut down a bit senior year but i still find myself hiding my sad life


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## Zanna04

Thank you for this post!!!! Soo nice to see that I'm not alone!!!!

- I have eaten lunch in the bathroom stalls before, and eventually just started skipping lunch all together.

- I have walked for over 5 miles to get to my boyfriend's house because I was too scared to take the bus.

- I have missed a lot of school because of my anxiety of taking the bus.

- I have pretended to have not gotten facebook invites, or text messages from people asking me to hang out.

- I have pretended to be sick or working to not attend my boyfriend's family events.

- There was a co-op party at the end of the year at my high school, where we would have this bug dinner for all the co-op students, and the employer where we did co-op at. It was mandatory that we attend, even if for whatever reason our employer couldn't come. I had no idea if my employer came, but I told one of the teachers minutes before it started that I had a family emergency, so that I could go home, because I was so terrified of going. Still feel soo guilty about this til this day- especially if my employer DID go. 

- I've cancelled plans with friends the very same day because my anxiety would get to me, and I was too anxious to get together.

- All throughout my senior year in high school, I spent most of my lunch breaks in the bathroom just doing homework, or combing my hair, texting, anything to just pass the time. 

- I've missed handing in assignments because I'd be too afraid of going to class.

- I've pretended to fall asleep at my boyfriend's house around supper time, because I knew they wouldnt wake me up for supper. I did this because I was too anxious to eat with them.

- I've bused to school, only to chicken out of going into class, and just end up busing right back home.

- If I'm late for a class, I will refuse to go in. Even if I'm not late, but JUST on time, and most of the class is already there, I wont go in. 

- I've not gone to the doctots even if I thought there was something really wrong with me physically because I was too anxious to speak to the doctor.

...I'm sure there's lots more, but I'd be here forever typing them.


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## Frunktubulus

Made up a email account complete with fake name just to register for this site. AND used a username that couldn't possibly be traced back to me. Dunno who the hell 'Jack' is, but ain't me.


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## ForeverTruth

I won't call people on the phone in less I have too. In high school I skipped a lot of social things like school plays pep rallies and so on. I haev serious problems talking to people I don't know. I also avoid skypying with my best friends like the plague. hmm I've done a lot of other things I just can't remember them all.


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## JimmyP69

Never ever use to go form would hide behind the school until first lessons started.

Too scared to take wheelie bin out so I'd wait until it's dark but can only just see.

Went to a party when I was young and was too shy to join in so just sat with the guy who was being sick, lol!

Too many things....


----------



## quietmusicman

i feel like i say awkward things sometimes
i can't use public restrooms
i don't trust certain people


----------



## Chaos2000

was walking into a gas station to get something to drink, but saw 2 young girls behind the counter so i walked off


----------



## Toppington

SJack said:


> Dunno who the hell 'Jack' is


:|

I've said some pretty awkward things because I was trying to say something else and tried to reword it while I was saying it. I can't recall any really weird stuff I've done right now, but it being 4am here might have something to do with that.


----------



## Christina123

Let the dishes stand in my room for a week until they are green with mold because of too much anxiety of wasing up infront of flatmates. 

Stopped cooking because I don't want to draw attention to myself.

Darkened my room on a Saturday night early so as to not show that I had no one to hang out with.


----------



## 1anonymous1

haha is it bad that as I'm reading these I'm storing them away to use for future use? ... you know... just being prepared if something comes up that I'm not comfortable with.
lol things I have done... well most of them have been in elementary school, then I kind of grew out of it and now I'm slipping back in. 
*sigh*


----------



## nikki1995

i was at the dentist like a month ago and he was like drilling my freaking teeth in but i was scared to tell him it hurts like hell so ijsut sat there.


----------



## forgetaboudit

I had two free blocks my senior year in H.S. first thing in the morning, so I was able to convince the dean for me to come in late and essentially skip the free blocks. I hated them, all you did was sit in a classroom and did jack crap. That was a sweet deal.


----------



## evelyn11

I wouldn't eat at school so I starved and during classes i would ask to go the bathroom but i'd go to the vending machine and buy food then eat it by myself in the bathroom haha


----------



## sanspants08

I walk an extra half-block through the hospital campus (work) every night, to avoid saying goodnight to anyone. I could exit straight to my car, but instead I "take the long way around." The REALLY long way around :sus.


----------



## joshr1990

I remember i also used to go to the dam library. I skipped eating all together! It was a embarassing i must say when my friends came in from eating lunch and i was sitting by myself trying to look busy. It was real upsetting because i did this throughout my whole highschool years!


----------



## FreshPerspective

I dropped out of college.


----------



## heyJude

sanspants08 said:


> I walk an extra half-block through the hospital campus (work) every night, to avoid saying goodnight to anyone. I could exit straight to my car, but instead I "take the long way around." The REALLY long way around :sus.


I do this too.


----------



## BachelorFrog

Hmm... I used to talk to myself when no one was around. Awkward times when people pop out of nowhere then I pretend to hum a song lol


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker

BachelorFrog said:


> Hmm... I used to talk to myself when no one was around. Awkward times when people pop out of nowhere then I pretend to hum a song lol


Yeah...I kinda do that. No humming though, just a quick head turn either to them or away from them. :roll


----------



## lmw

*story of my life*

Ya, I would skip school a lot without telling anybody, esp. the classes where i had to sit by someone loud or do P.E. When working, I would always avoid the lunch room and got eat in my sweltering car or go drive around. I worked as a proofing intern at this big company, and instead of talk to my boss, I would constantly email her..and she was just in the next cubicle! Oh yeah, and I've made up "friends" and "boyfriends" so people wouldn't think I was weird for never relating social stories.


----------



## CoastalSprite

I shook hands with someone with my left hand /facepalm


----------



## candiedsky

Up until recently, I had never thought of pissing in a bottle or something if there were people I didn't want to see and I was trapped in my room. Because I'm a girl. I always just abused my bladder's strength and held it in.

Until recently... god. I can't believe I pissed in a trash can, but I was desperate.


----------



## ArcheKoeln

I'd actually use homework as an excuse not to hang out at parties.


----------



## Shadow2009

CoastalSprite said:


> I shook hands with someone with my left hand /facepalm


I done that too on New Year. I walked into my Gran's living room and shook hands with everyone, and because everyone was looking at me I was shaking with nerves and for some reason stretched my left hand out to shake with my Uncle. He just looked at me and went "what are you doing, nobody shakes with that hand!" and laughed and I just died inside.


----------



## HalloweenValentine

My mom was having a social gathering one time, and I didn't want to leave my room at all and have to talk to them all. I had to pee SOOO bad! Luckily I had a coffee cup in my room, so I peed in that and dumped it out my bedroom window. I must have been around 14. You guys are lucky in a way...if I were a guy, I would have just peed directly out the window! :yes Haha, its a funny story to me, but makes me kinda sad at the same time cause the SA is just so ridiculous. :blank

I feel oddly comforted that other people have peed in bottles and whatever else to avoid talking to people. :clap :b


----------



## 0lly

I broke my mobile phone in October. I got it on contract, but rather than going to the phone shop and asking them to repair it, I just bought another phone. I'm still paying the monthly contract bills for the broken phone.


----------



## rajjer01

I always used studying as an excuse not to go so I would start studying for tests and 5 days or more in advance just so I could have an excuse. I never really studied though and ended up doing badly


----------



## Col

Ate alone in my car during college before my school moved campus. Then I ate alone outside or in the hallway. 
I'm sure a bunch of other stuff but my memory sucks and i can't think of any


----------



## RawrJessiRawr

I once took the wrong bus but was too scared to tell the bus driver to stop since the bus stop was so far away when I finally realized I took the wrong one (across town) So I took the bus all the way to two different towns >.< my anxiety was so bad, the bus driver thought I was stupid for not getting off beforehand. I ended up having to wait till he had his break outside of the bus so I just stood awkwardly in one spot, having a panic attack as people walked by me. I took that bus back to my town lol which transferred me to my actual right bus.


----------



## FitchForce

When Im walking my dog and see people standing in their driveway, I usually turn around so we dont have to walk by then.


----------



## AfarOff

This is an awesome thread!!

When I was in the 4th grade, I had a stye(or something...), and my teacher wanted me to go to the nurse to have it checked but I was too afraid to do so, so I walked half way there and just leaned against the wall for about 10 minutes and then went back and told my teacher the nurse said it was a stye.

I've gotten about 10 haircuts in the past 4 years which I didn't like because I couldn't tell the person cutting it that I wanted it differently.(Fun fact: I'm just having my mom do it this time. I sick of crappy cuts.)


----------



## NumeroUno

I could be here all day...

At my old job id eat/take breaks in the toilet (worked in a kitchen so we had separate toilets)

Double check nobody was out having a cigarette before i had one and risked disciplinary action smoking somewhere else

let my girlfriend do social stuff alone - even worked 2 extra 12 hour shifts alot cuz i had every other weekend off despite the fact id do Thursday Friday then monday-wednesday when i had the weekend off. even lied about being in work and pretended to go and had to sit around town for 12 hours. the last time she ended up driving 2 guys she barely knew to a friends birthday and go out alone.

I hid in my own room at 16-18 when i had a bad day and my friends would be downstairs talking to my mum and i blocked the door and pretended to be asleep as they called me

Regularly walk the complete opposite way to where i going on a bad day to avoid people, even walking miles off course.

Randomly disappearing at events/out with friends

I live with my girlfriends parents and they/their friends say sarcastic comments like "this is downstairs have you seen it before"

All this makes me realize how pathetic i can be...social anxiety is so frustrating. sometimes i just want to scream at everything, i hate this constant battle and some days i just wanna give up


----------



## ArcheKoeln

Col said:


> Ate alone in my car during college before my school moved campus.


I would eat in my car, too. One time the parking lot I was in was packed and some guys came over and knocked on my window. I was freaked out, but I rolled down the window. They asked me if i could move so other people could park. I lied and said that I had just arrived and was going inside once I ate something.


----------



## Popularity

ArcheKoeln said:


> I would eat in my car, too. One time the parking lot I was in was packed and some guys came over and knocked on my window. I was freaked out, but I rolled down the window. They asked me if i could move so other people could park. I lied and said that I had just arrived and was going inside once I ate something.


thats funny


----------



## Shadow2009

NumeroUno said:


> even lied about being in work and pretended to go and had to sit around town for 12 hours.


This kinda reminds me of a situation I was in a few months ago. I agreed to go in and meet my friend at her college and then go a walk around town for a while before heading off to a gig at 7pm. I got a train in at 10am and then got a text from my friend saying "my college friend __________ said she'll come around town with us is that okay?" so I lied and pretended I had to go to hospital to visit a family member and that I would meet her at the gig instead. I couldn't afford to go home so I ended up sitting in town alone for 9 hours before finally heading over to the gig and meeting my friend. :blank

Reading this thread brings back so many memories. I can relate to everything posted. (which I guess isn't a good thing :b)


----------



## Camelleone

1.When it's my time to came to work at saturday (usually in my last workplace, we have to work on saturday twice a month) 
I always pick the saturday where no one is coming, so I work alone on saturday.
Once my boss and supervisor saw me through cctv working alone, they ask where is everyone why you alone.

2. I used to always go home walking a few blocks, I can't ask my work colleages for ride home or anything, I'd rather walk though.

But now I'll not do that anymore.


----------



## Mrmojorisin

Even on the off chance that someone will invite me to this or that thing happening some place out of pity or curiosity about why I am the way I am, I'll say no 100% of the time. It's a fear of how I act around people.

Always used to smoke alone, always drank alone. Even going out of my way to clear my schedule so that I'd be alone no matter what. If the chances had it that I'd end up with someone coming to talk to someone around me, which would draw more and more people kind of just sucking me into the orbit of this now "group" and involving me, I'd quickly recognize the problem and casually slip away without saying anything. 

Dealing with this through all of my teenage years and now that I'm in my twenties I know myself and awkward tendancies extreme fears and nervous jitters and stutters that I put out when someone I'm not comfortable with enters the room, I'll even turn a little hostile to protect my personal zone. Only in the case that I HAVE to be in the place I'm in like work, otherwise I'll just forfeit that area and move on. For instance if a beautiful girl I've seen around but haven't really talked to before comes in just to waste time and doesn't know anything about me and tries to go into small talk, I'll just keep making lighthearted remarks telling her to leave, if it's the same situation only with a guy I'll just tell him to get out, usually followed by a "really?..." and a "yes"

My mind works in such a distraught way that at this point in time that I've now accepted all the gut wrenching tension sweating nervousness and tongue tied confused behavior that comes with dealing with people that I just naturally seem to find it in my own best interests to keep them as far away from me as possible like I've just adapted

I recently spent a thousand plus dollars to see what was the long distance relationship love of my life for ten years, now actually having the money and time and ability to ability to make it all the way to Buffalo I went, met her at the airport which was the most extraordinary feeling in the world until she told me that her boyfriend was bringing the car around I spent five days and fifteen hundred dollars pale clammy mouth shut and shaking in her car until I finally told her it would be best if we didn't see each other for the rest of the time and I drank a fifth of Jameson alone in my room on Christmas watching that damned "A Christmas Story" marathon, whatever the movie's called "You'll shoot your eye out kid" y'know with the Red Rocket BB Gun they always play?

I've done weirder but it gets insufferable sometimes, from outside perspectives I know it all seems like I do it to myself and I do, maybe this is the place where people can understand why though


----------



## person18211

I feel sooo much better reading all of these. I have done soo many weird things because of my social anxiety. 
Like most of you I hid in the bathroom during breaks. In 9th & 10th grade I never ate lunch because I couldn't eat in front of people. In 11th grade I ate in my guidance counselor's office. I was always late to class because I couldn't walk in the hallways when there were so many people. I would purposefully get in-school suspension so I didn't have to go to class or talk to anyone. And if I couldn't get ISS, I feigned illness and hung out in the nurse's office. 
When I had to do driver's ed, I skipped a few classes because I just couldn't handle going those days. The worst part is that I wasted almost $500 because I was too scared to ask when I could make up the classes . I ended up dropping out of high school and did online classes. 
I lie all the time to my friends to get out of parties or going to the mall. Whenever I talk to anyone but family, I cover my mouth with my hand (idk why, it just sorta happens). I also can't keep I contact for too long because I get nervous.
Wow, I sound crazy...lol


----------



## becky07

Like others have said, I eat alone all the time, often sneaking in bites of food in the bathroom (gross, I know), hiding in a file room to eat, or sitting in my car and eating. 

After my classes, which tend to be full of people and very hands on and experiential, I take the long way home in order to get rid of some of my pent up anxiety from having to fake being normal in class. I feel a ton of pressure in my chest from this all the time. After hard days at work, I do this as well.

I try to never make eye contact with anyone so that way I won't be pulled into a boring, meaningless conversation with them.

I never wear tank tops, or shorts or anything revealing out in public.


----------



## eefchan

Talk to my imaginary companion.

Actually this is a customary for me. I have many imaginary companions. They help very LOTS. Like when I am walking alone, eating alone, shopping alone; I would indulge into my enthusiasm and talk to these imaginary kick-*** people. I would talk to them like they are actually there with me shopping, eating or walking. It may sound crazy but I don't think it's crazy enough to be crazy. I know I'm sane so that's out of the question for me. lol


----------



## college

Let’s see…

I refused to talk to teachers whenever I needed help with understanding the subject, which was quite often. Consequently, my GPA suffered and I couldn’t get into the colleges that I was hoping I would be accepted to.

I shut down in class. It doesn’t matter if I know the answer to any question that is asked, or if I have a brilliant idea to share, I will not say a word. Even if the teacher calls on me, trying to get me to participate, I will just stare at my desk and shrug my shoulders, hoping nobody realizes my racing heart.

Making any appointment is hell for me. It’s the one thing that I really miss about childhood, my parents made all of my appointments for me. Now, whenever I make an appointment, I’m really awkward and when I’ve finished setting it up, I analyze the hell out of the conversation.

I hate going to the doctor’s. Being in a room with another person, no matter how professional and nonjudgmental she is taught to be, is horrifying. I rarely make eye contact and respond to questions with really short answers. The worst had to be when I would go see my psychologist. I couldn’t have had more than five or six meetings with her before chickening out. My stomach always hurt before I went to see her and I couldn’t stop shaking. I really do want a counselor, but I can’t get the courage to set up an appointment to meet with one. I can’t even talk to my school counselor because I see him walking around campus every day and it would just be awkward, though he has invited me to speak with him, I just smiled and said “ok”, and never revisited the subject again.

There have rarely been days where I would have absolutely no one to sit with at lunch, but when those days do come, I sit in the art room and pray that no one else comes up there, it’s usually empty.

I’ll think of more and post them later, so far I’ve gotten through over half of the entries in this forum boogie) and find them very relieving.


----------



## psychstudent

*Social Phobia and Avoidant Personality Disorder*

Hi, I am a high school student conducting a research project about the similarities between social phobia and avoidant personality disorder for my Independent Research G/T class. It would be a huge help if you could complete this form. All answers are completely anonymous.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dEhydjhtWHJhdGR4Q1FYOHdqV3gzWUE6MQ


----------



## DotaPlayer

I always wanted to run to get in better shape, but I didn't dare to do it at day because I didn't want people to see me running, so I did it at night. It was really awkward when I saw someone outside once in a while.


----------



## fetisha

Sometimes I would talk low while Im talking to someone in public so others wont hear me or butt into my conversation or judge me on what Im talking about thats how traumatized I was in the past.


----------



## ApathyDivine

I can't stand people watching me eat. If I see someone look at me when I'm eating in the breakroom at work or anywhere that isn't my house, I stop eating and play with my phone instead. I either wait for the offending person to leave before I eat again, or sneak in bites when no one is looking.


----------



## Brandeezy

Just last week I followed a female customer around my store for 5 mins because I was attracted to her and I was expecting her to say something to me


----------



## trotter91

Bathroom thing a lot in college,especially last year...this year i got a little bit better..


----------



## applesauce5482

Sometimes in 10th grade and a little in 11th and 12th grade, I would sometimes hang out in the bathroom during lunch because I didn't want to be seen being alone. I was self conscious about others seeing me as a loner. I would sometimes go to the library if it was open and pretend to do math homework, but instead I would play calculator games LOL.

I would go out of my way to avoid social situations.
My face tenses up and I find it difficult to smile.
I get terrified when working in groups.
I absolutely hate standing in lines.
I sometimes laugh weirdly when no one else does.
I walk weird. I feel like I don't swing my arms much, but I'm working on that...


----------



## Elana

omg, I have so many of these quirks...
I have never related them to SA and I can't believe there are so many people with the same behavior. I suppressed most of those memories but reading these posts makes me realize that these things were real and an expression of my SA. My close family must have realized that I wasnt quite the "normal" kid. I wish they had done something about that. 

* hiding in bathrooms during breaks at high school.
* hiding in the library.
* being completely terrorized during some classes with over dominant teachers
* absolutely hating work meetings
* hating lunch with my colleagues
* skipping PE (I still HATE competitive sports). 
* not knowing what to do with my hands when talking to other people. I alwas fiddle with something otherwise I think my hands look weird. 
* going directly to my room after class so that I don't have to talk to my flatmates. 
* pretending to study most of the time, so I don't have to talk with my classmates, family, friends. 

And that is just what comes into my mind right now. I'm sure there are plenty of other memories that I've suppressed. I really have a problem and it needs to be taken care of...


----------



## Brann

In Kindergarten and 1st grade, a few times I avoided asking the teacher if I could go to the bathroom to the point where I ended up peeing my pants.

This is something I talk about in my podcast which I posted about at: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/talked-about-sa-on-my-audio-talk-show-podcast-178837

In the podcast, my co host has a similar story about going to great lengths in order to not go grocery shopping when he was younger.

BTW, you guys have some very interesting responses and they're helpful to read and relate to on some level. In fact, some of the less serious characteristics can come off as endearing.


----------



## bubba

In high school I never ate lunch in the cafeteria. I would either sneak my food in the library, hangout on the stairwell hoping no one wold catch me or just starve to death and go home and pig out happily.

In high school I remember after the teacher was done with his/her lecture, there would be free time so I always put my head down and pretended that I was asleep in order avoid talking to people. I did this almost every day. Others must have thought I wasn't getting enough sleep at night.

I refused to ride the bus to and from school. My mom had to pay one of our neighbors to take me to and from school due to my moms working schedule.

I remember in high school that walking down the hallways I would always look straight ahead and avoid eye contact with people because I didn't know what people were thinking about me. I always felt as if people were always judging me.

Speech class was the worse for me. I literally thought I was going to die when i knew I had to do a speech. I could tell myself to relax and thats its going to be ok. But the minute I get out of my seat I end up bumping into my desk, talk like I have a frog in my throat and shake as if there is a earthquake.

Another thing I dreaded in high school was when the teacher had to call roll and I had to say my name out loud. Or even when it was the first day of class and when had to tell a little about ourselves. I kept thinking crap its going to be my turn soon.

Now that I am older 23 I notice that I still have some of the same characteristics like I had when I was younger. We get breaks in our nursing program and I dread having them. If i didn't have a good friend that was next to me I would probably end up going to the bathroom or something in order to avoid talking to people.

I also turn down the music when I am at a stop light/stop sign and turn it up as soon as I accelerate on the gas.

If I am driving through a drive through I take off my sunglasses because I don't want the person taking me order to think Im weird or something.

I feel like I am always rushed to do things even though I know I have the whole entire day off. I have a habit of speeding in my car, eating fast because it will save me a whole 10 minutes. I find myself multitasking so if I am studying for a test and If am in need in coffee I will go downstairs put the water in the microwave to get it hot for 3 minutes go back upstairs while it is warming up then go back up stairs and put a way a tshirt I left out then run back downstairs and I still have a minute left on the microwave then I open the coffee bag package, take the hot glass of water out of the microwave, put the coffee bag in the water, while thats doing its thing I go ahead and empty the dishwasher because I know I need to do it after I am done with that then I put the sugar and creme in my coffee and then run back upstairs with my coffee.

It's very weird seeing so many similar stories on here that I can relate to. I am glad I found this website!!!


----------



## fatty1988

Working at the enquiries desk in my local library- so many painful moments.

Once I had to process a library membership for a young couple and my brain went haywire with anxiety as they approached the desk.

I asked for separate i.d even when the man told me at the beginning 'me and my wife want to join up' and said that they had joint i.d on a letter. I just ignored this and asked for separate i.d.

My whole body went stiff and tense, I couldn't breathe. They were both staring at me. My voice went really weird. I didn't want to look up at them.

I managed to get through to the end.

I must have come across very very nervous because during break, my colleague who had overheard me didn't look at me but flicked through a magazine, chattering AT me- about the magazine, non-stop. Usually, we have normal conversations...it was like I came across so weirdly that she didn't want to look at me.

She was normal with me the next time she saw me.

*But this memory is so painful.*

When that couple came in again to borrow some items, I wasn't serving them but they just sat there staring at me.

I can't bear to think of what they thought of me.

Sometimes i think I should just die and put myself out of this psychological misery.


----------



## kilgoretrout

I always took a cab to and from work because I refused to use public transportation. I worked like a 7-minute bus ride away. 

At school, I touch up on my hair and makeup in the bathroom stalls because I don't want other girls to see me doing this at the sinks. 

I hardly ever eat in public even when I'm really hungry.


----------



## college

I thought of more!

Whenever my brother has his friends over I tend to stay away from them, no matter how well I know them. I would have to wait for them all to go into my brother’s room before I could leave my own. The worst day I had was when my brother and his friends spent the whole day at our house to play videogames and watch some football game. I spent 9 agonizing hours in my room; my mom actually came into my room to check up on me. It was so embarrassing; I was just sitting on my floor playing games on my laptop. She ordered me to get something to eat, and so I did…when my brother’s friends left, which wasn’t too long afterwards.

Recently, I participated in an open-mic type event at my school. It wasn’t really a choice for me whether to participate or not; I basically HAD to for a class. Anyways, I totally screwed it up. I love to sing, and I’m actually quite confident in my singing abilities, just not in front of people. When I arrived I saw so many students, parents, and even teachers there. I was terrified. I was so close to telling my teacher that I couldn’t perform, but I didn’t want to disappoint her or my parents, so I did. Big Mistake. I got so nervous that I had to stop, and I even forgot the words! I know the song like the back of my hand! My voice sounded AWFUL. The crowd was really supportive though, so I finished the song, rushed off stage and headed home. I bawled that night. I am terrified to return to school because so many students and teachers saw me basically fall apart on stage. Now every time I sing just to myself, I think of that awful moment. I’m probably overreacting, but the embarrassment is just so fresh right now.

I no longer use cashiers at grocery stores, I always head straight for the “do-it-yourself” ones, no matter how long the line is.

This isn’t really an example or story, more of a quark. I have a difficult time getting close to people on an emotional level. I can joke around with people fine, but when it comes to seriously connecting with them, I can’t do it, leaving me with a lot of shallow relationships.


----------



## peytonfarquar

To pick up my medications there is a drive-thru option that would seem much more convenient, but I haven't worked up the courage to figure out how to use it. So I end up going inside the store to pick up the medication. Doing this requires negotiating many extra turns and stop signs in crosswalks that I don't care for ("no, after you, sir":roll) but it's still worth it compared to trying to figure out how that drive-thru works.:um


----------



## HopefulDreamer

I won't walk through the front entrance of my building. I will go around to the back door, and then walk up to my floor, which is the tenth floor. Sometimes I use the elevator, but as soon as I see that people are going to use them, especially people around my age or younger I won't use them. Walking up the steps is good for you anyway, so I just tell myself that I am getting exercise. That's what I tell everyone at work too. Some people know I use the steps, and I just say I want to lose weight. 

Sometimes when I have to grocery shop I will go at like 3 or 4 in the morning when less people are there.

I won't wear my hair up because then I can't hide my face behind it. 

If I see people around my age or younger walking down the street sometimes I will go the long way to avoid them. Or if I have to pass them, I will walk around them as far as possible with my head down and my hair covering my face. In the winters I can just wear a hood.


----------



## jayjaythejetplane

Online food shopping. :afr


----------



## pythonesque

Blue Bird said:


> When I was in elementary school and my class had show and tell I would just stand there and look at the floor. The teacher would have to do most of the talking and whatever she ask about what I'd brought, I would just say yes or no.


I used to do the exact same thing with my very first piano teacher! She even joked that I'd get docked on my practical exams because I would only be able to answer the examiner's questions in yes's and no's. Thankfully, by the time I took my first exam, I've opened up enough that that wasn't a problem anymore.

When I was a kid I used to pretend to get a stomach ache or some other minor ailment at gatherings so that I could avoid talking to everyone and my parents could take me home early.

I failed two courses in college because I was really behind but didn't/couldn't ask for help. I also briefly considered skipping my own graduation ceremony, but it turned out okay.


----------



## knucky

-When I'm going out of the house, if I saw cars or someone on the street, I will immediately retreat back into the house, pretending to check the mailbox, lol.

-After I drive and arrive at my destination, I will always wait around for a few minutes until I see no one is around to see me get out of my car. Or if I'm going to my car, I'll make sure there's no one nearby to see me getting into my car.

-Like previous quirks, when I'm about to leave my room, I'll make sure the hallway has no one around so I can come out (man I'm too avoidant, lol)

Basically, all of my quirks are as if I'm invisible or not there, like I'm not exist. Even I am baffled why I'm like this, it's not like I'm deformed or mentally impaired.


----------



## Western Front

Let's see- I haven't thought about all the things I've done over the years to avoid until now really.

From elementary school to middle school I always pretended to be sick and stayed home from school. I had to make up alot of saturday schools becaues of this. In high school I was a good student in the top classes and my parents sometimes let me take days off of school (because I usually did homework at home anyway).

I would always wait in my parent's car so I didn't have to go in the grocery store and see people. (I lived in a small town with only one store, so everyone would be there after school).

I begged for rides home from school from my parents because otherwise I had to take the school bus from elementary to high school (I never had my own car), and the bus scared me alot, especially in high school.

I could never use public restrooms at school so I would barely drink anything during the day at school. In the fourth grade this led to me wetting myself...i'm still ashamed to admit it actually. 

In high school I would constantly be doing homework during breaks and lunch, now I realize to avoid talking to my "group of friends" aka the people who tolerated my quietness/weirdness. I often left homework to the last minute for this reason. it was also a cover for the many times I was alone.

In college I would avoid my roommate by leaving early in the morning and not coming back until I knew he was in class and I would also go to the library for as long as I could. I would then go to bed early to avoid any talking. 

I took as many online classes as I could, also night classes because I felt more comfortable walking in the dark outside. I would avoid eating at the cafeteria at all costs, even being extremely hungry.

I lived in a house for a while during college with two friends. I felt ok with them, but if their friends came over I would hide in my room for the entire time that they were there. I would be hungry and have to go to the bathroom, but couldn't do it. I even peed in a bottle like some people have mentioned when the friends stayed the whole weekend. 

I once took a 10 hour road trip by myself in order to avoid my roommate's friend staying over at our house...the day before we moved out

recently I avoid going outside in short sleeves or shorts because i'm self conscious about how skinny I look (even though it's summer). I only leave the appartment when I have to for work and school. (and food sometimes)

i'll also avoid answering phone calls and texts from people I know and like for long periods of time. I would often just turn off my phone completely.

I hide when I hear someone knocking on the door/delivering a package etc. if someone else is in the house to get the door


----------



## ellarunciter

Spent too much time in the school toilet during lunch break--even though I had 'friends' back then.


----------



## Grimsey

I used to turn on the fan every single time in the washroom, to drown out the outside noise I suppose.


----------



## sparkplug74

-I avoid people I know at all cost when I'm outside our house.
-I often starve myself during school days because I'm too scared to order food.
-I failed several classes in college because I avoided so many class activities that involved talking to people.
-Unplugging the phone line when I'm alone at home because I really hate talking to strangers on the phone.
-Making casual talks with someone I'm not close to (which are almost everybody excluding my family) seriously awkward.
-Staying inside the house 24/7. Except during school days.

There's a lot more, but it would take weeks for me to list them all.


----------



## Shadow2009

I was at a party last night and instead of going to the club toilets, I went outside in the rain, walked 5 minutes, peed on a random wall and then walked back to the club. My friend even said to me "ehh, why don't you just go to the toilets?" and I didn't even have an answer for her, I was just scared of going to the bathroom incase I bumped into someone I didn't wanna speak to. :\


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## sweetchild527

ayama said:


> sometimes, I take sleeping pills and go to sleep at 6 or 7pm, because I am depressed about being alone and I can't stand myself anymore.


I do this too. Ambian is my best friend, I seriously wait and wait until 8pm when I can have an excuse to take one and go to sleep. Its a break from...just being me.

As for other weird things I've done to avoid social situations:


I get excited when plans get cancelled
I do not attend weddings
If I'm running late somewhere, I just plain won't go because I don't want to walk into a room full of people and cause attention to myself. (yes, this included school, so I'd skip)
I'll fake illness to get out of social events.
I stayed home from school for a week to get out of giving a speech in one of my classes then when I went back I "said" I had laryngitis trying to get out of it.
I could go on and on but I know y'all have all been there too. Those were just a few examples.


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## Jayne311

Today I was supposed to go to an open house at a business for my own work, to hand out cards and talk to people. I know the place well, and I pictured it going okay. But I got there, and it was basically just an outdoor area with a few people watching their kids play nearby, with none of the staff at that business outside with them. Inside, people were coming and going like usual, and it was quiet like it usually is. So it would have looked extremely awkward to just start talking. So I went back outside, got in my car (which thankfully was parked where it wasn't facing the group of people outside), and just sat there.

I had told my parents I was leaving for the event, and that I wouldn't be back for at least an hour. So I couldn't go home, and I couldn't just walk back over to the random people who brought their kids to play under the tent the business set up and talk to them about the company I work at. 

So I just sat in the car, in 90 degree plus weather, trying not to die of the heat. It was my mom's car, so I didn't want to waste the gas by letting it run to have the AC. I pretended to be messing with my phone so if anyone walked by my car they wouldn't be suspicious. I sat until I thought I would die if I wasn't cooled off soon, so I left as best as I could, trying not to let anyone see me driving away. 

I wasted some time at a nearby store pretending to look at things, all the while terrified that people were watching me, before going home and telling my parents that I was able to hand out a good amount of business cards and talk to people.


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## coconutt

*I dont like walking into meetings late or when people are already there. So if a meeting was for 10 I would arrive at like 9 to make sure i walk in first and pick the best seat so i feel comfortable. 

*I cant walk by myself down the street without talking on my phone. So if i have to walk i would normally phone someone, most of the time its my sister...but if there is no one else to talk to..i hold my phone up to my ear to pretend that im actually talking to people.

*I dont eat infront of people...I hate it. I hate going out to eat with people watching. If i was at someones birthday, i would pick at my food and take a doggy bag home and stuff my face when i get in my door.

*I will not walk into a room first. Say if i am going to a bar I make someone walk in first so people look at them instead of me.


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## Goadmeandiwillkillyou

I worked for 10 months in a supermarket and ate my lunch every single shift in the toilets to avoid having to walk into and sit in the staff canteen.


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## peytonfarquar

Might be my favorite topic all time! I remembered another incident I hadn't yet shared:

In Middle School I was on the Cross Country team. I was 13 years old at the time. After practice one day, it was geared that we would finish at this fellow teammate's house and then proceed to have a party/get-together. I went all right, but I just played basketball in the driveway outside the whole time. I just couldn't bring myself to go inside where most of the other people were and definitely not the pool in the backyard. There were some people that played basketball from time to time. We just shot around. But there were times they'd go in and I stayed outside by myself in that driveway hooping it up. I played basketball until my mother came to pick me up.

About half these were people that I had comfortable contact with at varying times (the guys team), but the other half (mainly the girls team) I didn't know as well. I did okay as long as we were running, if the time was spent being goal-oriented. But on occasions like these, where the time was spent being people-oriented and in mixed company, here is where I struggled.


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## getsomeair

Reading this just breaks my heart- the way we complicate our lives because of our fears, it's so unnecessary.

I used to avoid eating the the lunchroom where the microwaves are. When it was still reasonably warm out I would go out and sit on a bench and have a sandwich. As it got colder I started eating in the hall. Just the idea of eating in a lunch room became so complicated- if I sit there, do I have to sit with the others, will I be weird if I don't etc. Really stupid, I have the right to be there as much as anybody else.

Anyway, that changed after my internship. There I would eat in the lunchroom because, well, for one going out to get lunch can be time consuming and exhausting, and also I did want to send off aslittle "weird" as possible (Failed, but that's another story). Of course my AvPd wasn't too helpful, I was out of focus, screwed up, freaked out over it, kept repeating mistakes... But I survived and people were nice nonetheless. 

But when I was back at school, I started bringing food that required heating and sit in the lunchroom. And I have my prefered spot there, sometimes I sit near other people, sometimes I sit alone... Honestly, I don't care anymore, having my spot allows me to not feel any silly pressure. 

But the moral is that there is hope for change, even if they aren't big and happen slowly. Learning is a process, it doesn't happen over night.


----------



## Otherside

Jump every time the phone rings in case its the people from the university calling to see if I have any questions

Don't turn round if I'm walking in the wrong direction in case I look like an idiot

order food, eat outside in the freezing cold because you look like a loner eating alone inside the restaurant

Laugh nervously through a doctors appointment, because they think you're wasting there time. Then realize you probably just have.


----------



## Dragonair

I make really scatterbrained mistakes and end up humiliating myself...


----------



## KaoJ

Eating alone instead of joining others at lunch at work and school. Eating is my biggest issue with SA.


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Dragonair said:


> I make really scatterbrained mistakes and end up humiliating myself...


Me too. I tend to say things that make me look really stupid. My ex friends always used to ask how I did well in school exams but was so retarded, saying things like "is the cheese melted" holding a bowl of freshly cooked nachos. :no


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Dropped out of uni after missing a 3rd class and not knowing what excuse to tell the people in my group if they asked where I was (I'd already used 'flu' and 'work called me 
in').

Got a different bus from uni everytime I saw someone from one of my classes get on my usual bus. It took me an hour and a half to get home those days, instead of 40 minutes. 

Basically did the same thing from work. I worked nights would miss my train and sit for half an hour at the dodgey train to avoid 10 potential minutes of awkward small talk.


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## Nessie91

I don't ask for help in school even though i need it.

I will NOT enter a class if I am late since I don't like walking into a class where everyone is seated. 

Hate eating alone in restaurants. Usually I hate eating in public.

I avoid crossing the road at traffic lights since I hate the fact people are looking out their car windows at me lol


----------



## Mlochail

Taking a longer road to my brothers house so I didn't have to wait at the stoplights.

Skipping school and hanging around in some recreation park alone TWO times becaues I had to give a presentation. Fcking neck spasms.... It was really boring. My sister actually caught me the second time lol

Planning my go to the labour union in such a way I don't have to sit and wait in a halway completely crowded with people.

Avoiding certain bus rides becaues they're crowded with teenagers.

Avoiding looking at strangers that are close at all costs.

Etc

Etc

Etc :blank


----------



## PandaPurrp

In high school I used to always keep a book with me so I could “fake read” at lunch time so I didn’t look awkward sitting all alone. Even if I wanted to read for real, most of the time I was too anxious to concentrate on the words. So I’d just turn the page every few minutes in case anyone happened to be watching.

Also, I never ate lunch at school. In high school I ate one time. I was in 11th grade and it the first day, and somehow someone convinced me to eat with them. I did, and I felt like I was going to throw up the whole time. Idk if it was because of my nervousness or the food was just nasty lol. But either way, I never went back to that cafeteria.


----------



## IdontMind

I'd do the fake read thing too. I actually had some friends back in high school so a lot of the problems I have now were sort of hidden back then.

A few weeks ago I went to this campus to see how my SA was. After walking around this pond I ended up retreating to a bushy area where nobody else was. When 5 minutes had past this girl walk in to this grassy area and sits on the bench opposite of me so I pick up a pen and paper and start writing, obviously from extreme anxiety. That really sucked.

I'm also really scatterbrain and some times I'll look at peoples crotches which makes me feel even more anxious. I don't feel or think anything particular when I do, my eyes just happen end up there. A lot of people prolly thought I was gay or interested for doing that.

I'll say things that doesn't lead to any sort of conversation, words just pop out when the anxiety is too much and I think I'm doing a good thing by saying something even though it makes me feel even more awk when it's not a successful conversation filler.

In high school I'd also pretend to sleep in order to avoid certain interactions or not know how to act. I'm in the process of quitting smoking but before I'd go for a smoke whenever I needed a break from life, quite nice but it made me smoke tons of cigarettes. Before I "quit", I only smoke weekends now I'd have 3 with my morning coffee just for the hell of it. 

I'd have a water bottle with my everywhere I'd go(common sense)but I'd use it when I got close to people and took a swig to avoid having to look at them as they were passing. That still happens when I'm at the gym. Can't say I like it very much.

The list goes on but I can't think of anything atm.


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## Noely G

Refusing to answer questions posed to the entire class when I KNOW the answer. For example, when I had Economics a long time ago my Professor asked the class, "Now who is the father of economics?" He kept asking and there was complete silence for several minutes. He kept giving hints too. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the front in the leftmost seat going "Adam Smith, Adam Smith Adam Smith! Will someone please say Adam Smith!!" The Professor then goes "Well, class the father of economics is said to be a man by the name of Adam Smith. He was..."


----------



## SVIIC

Nessie91 said:


> I don't ask for help in school even though i need it.


Ugh, I was terrible for this in my later time at uni... definitely cost me in terms of results :roll.



Nessie91 said:


> I will NOT enter a class if I am late since I don't like walking into a class where everyone is seated.


Hated that too. Did it though. It's always a bit uncomfortable as you rush to figure out where's the easiest place to sit that'll cause the least fuss but you only have a few seconds to do it before you seem uncomfortable.



Nessie91 said:


> Hate eating alone in restaurants. Usually I hate eating in public.


Funny... I don't REALLY get this very much. I hear a lot of people talking about it though. Well I suppose if it was something awkward...



Nessie91 said:


> I avoid crossing the road at traffic lights since I hate the fact people are looking out their car windows at me lol


I sometimes feel bad for pressing the button for the pedestrian lights, knowing all the cars have to stop for me... but mostly I just figure "**** it" :yes.



Noely G said:


> Refusing to answer questions posed to the entire class when I KNOW the answer. For example, when I had Economics a long time ago my Professor asked the class, "Now who is the father of economics?" He kept asking and there was complete silence for several minutes. He kept giving hints too. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the front in the leftmost seat going "Adam Smith, Adam Smith Adam Smith! Will someone please say Adam Smith!!" The Professor then goes "Well, class the father of economics is said to be a man by the name of Adam Smith. He was..."


Oh, this as well exactly...

It's kind of sad too since in my early years in school I wasn't shy about answering and I knew lots of stuff, but then I guess I got uncomfortable about answering too much and looking too smart... or I got some things wrong and took it too hard... etc. etc.


----------



## jayapplebee

Roberto said:


> I used to walk around with my hand over my mouth in eighth grade. Whenever I smiled or laughed, my hand would immediately come to my face. I was insecure about smiling (I think) but strangely unaware of how odd it made me look. It was a really strange habit. I think growing my hair long helped me to ultimately stop doing that.


Haha oh my GOSH. This was TOTALLY me! I used to think (around that age) that I looked ugly when I smiled and laughed, so if someone said something funny, I would just smirk or, if I laughed, I would put my hand over my mouth, just like you.

Here's a great example. This happened just a couple of days ago, actually. I had to stop at a gas station on my way home from University because I had to figure out why the windshield wiper fluid wouldn't come out of my windshield wipers. I NEEDED that stuff because the roads were all salty and wet I couldn't see anything when the salt dried on the windshield. So, I called my dad and came to the conclusion that the fluid lines were probably frozen. After having been in the gas station to purchase some wiper fluid (because I thought that I just needed to add more fluid, initially), I had to go back in and ask if I could get some hot water to pour over tubing on the wipers to de-thaw them. However, first, I was going to see if I could de-thaw them just by pouring the room-temperature wiper fluid over them in order to avoid having to go back in again to ask for the hot water. Well, it didn't work, of course.

I ultimately wasted a ton of wiper fluid when all I really had to do was go in and get hot water. Of course, I eventually did, but I had to muster up the courage to do so.

It's things like this that I do to drive myself crazy!


----------



## Arlandria

I used to hide in the bathroom at break time. After that I would just walk 15 minutes from school then turn around and walk back. At lunchtime I just went home even though I could only stay a few minutes because it took me so long to walk there. I wish I could say it's different now, but I live right next to uni and sometimes I just leave class like I'm going to the bathroom but instead I go home just to sit by myself for a while. A couple of years ago I had a presentation to give to the class and I mixed some vodka and orange and put it in a soft drink bottle and drank it in class. It didn't help, I just felt sick and somehow more nervous. I have another presentation next week. I'm not looking forward to it.


----------



## thekcw

oversad said:


> Now rather than going to the library during lunch as in high school, I sit at my desk at work during lunch and do things on my computer. I avoid the cantina area like the plague and never go out to lunch with other employees.
> 
> Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


I did the same exact thing before I got my car. Though I work in retail so it was a lot more awkward as there really is no practical alternative. During the summer I always use to go to the Garden Center and relax in the display lawn chairs in there with my face glued to the phone. I use to work in there when I first started so I know them all and I don't feel too weird hanging out in there. But once Autumn started, the displays were taken down and the Garden Center closed up, so I was lost. Would usually just aimlessly walk around the store or pretend to be texting out in the parking lot. Since getting a car, I just drive home for lunch and spend my breaks listening to music in the car.

I remember the summer before middle school I practiced all summer with my dad playing football. I really, really wanted to try out for the football team. Never was very athletic but it was something I enjoyed and wanted to do. Once school started, people that wanted to try out had to stay after and meet up. I kind of just froze at the thought of this and ran off to the bus to go home. Never even thought about playing football after that. Ack.

I snuck out of a Thanksgiving family get-together through the backdoor and walked back home. I hate Thanksgiving with a passion. Hate eating in front people to begin with, add that into a gigantic room full of people who don't care to talk to me unless it's a get-together anyway and it's a nightmare. I completely avoided their Christmas party too by staying up all night Christmas Eve and being "too tired" to go. All of these people are part of my step-mom's family and I only just met them last year. They're really tightly knit Mormon folks and it's just... not me at all. They can't comprehend it though. Oh well.

I played hard-to-get with girls who asked me out during high school due to a mix of not knowing what to say and being extremely anxious. So I always thought I could maybe bide my time and think of the right things to say. A girl flirting with me to begin with would happen once in a blue moon so I had really no business doing this at all. And shockingly, it always backfired. Imagine that. I remember the last time this happened, it was a girl I actually did have a semi-crush on and thought was really cute. But she was sort of playing the Helga Pataki role... if anyone gets that reference. Basically she was mean to me a lot and in actuality, it was just a way of hiding her affection for me or her weird way of flirting. Anyway when I was being a dick about it, she turned red in the face and looked on the verge of crying. I was too anxious to ever go up to her, apologize and/or explain my stupid reasoning. One of my biggest regrets. I've always toyed with the idea of messaging her on Facebook or something (Don't have one, but it's the only way I can think of of contacting her) and saying something to her. But that was like 7 years ago so it'd probably weird her out more than anything. Whaaaatever. She's a pretty big reason I have SA with her *****iness so I shouldn't really owe her anything or feel bad about it really. But I dunno... for some reason it's endearing to me that it was mostly a ruse.


----------



## puppy

When I was a kid I would pretend not to understand things so other people would explain it to me. It gave me a warm tingly feeling down the back of my neck.


----------



## SVIIC

puppy said:


> When I was a kid I would pretend not to understand things so other people would explain it to me. It gave me a warm tingly feeling down the back of my neck.


I believe that's called ASMR these days :yes.

Ever heard of it? There's a whole online community about it. Loads of YouTube channels with videos designed to give you tingles.


----------



## TwinReprise

When I'm speaking with someone, and I know what I want to say, I tend to subconsciously alter what I'm saying slightly to be closer to what I think the other person wants to hear, rather than what I want to say.

Also, whenever I'm given a choice, I'm almost certain to say "I don't mind" or "Up to you".


----------



## puppy

SVIIC said:


> I believe that's called ASMR these days :yes.
> 
> Ever heard of it? There's a whole online community about it. Loads of YouTube channels with videos designed to give you tingles.


There's a name for it? Cool, everyone I've talked to it about had no idea what I was talking about... I'll definitely have to check that out when I get home from school, last time I felt it was with a peer nutrition councilor who I had to see for my health class last semester. What's a good YouTube channel?


----------



## Arlandria

I really wasn't expecting to see ASMR mentioned here! Gentlewhispering is the best. Then there's theonelilium and whispercrystal.


----------



## SVIIC

puppy said:


> There's a name for it? Cool, everyone I've talked to it about had no idea what I was talking about...


Interesting. I definitely have pretty much "always" felt it throughout my life at various points, and like you said maybe when someone was close up explaining something in a very non-threatening way or whatever.
Some people seem to think that not everyone gets it. I dunno.



puppy said:


> I'll definitely have to check that out when I get home from school, last time I felt it was with a peer nutrition councilor who I had to see for my health class last semester.


I actually got it when I was at the optician a while ago.

It was when the lights were turned out and it was just me in a small room with a woman speaking in a soft near-whisper telling me to look in different directions as she closely examined my eyes with a light (the repetition of that helps I think too because you almost go into a minor "trance"). Easy kind of situation for that to happen in, I think you'll agree. Any crackly noises made as she's speaking is an obvious bonus :roll.



puppy said:


> What's a good YouTube channel?


I've subscribed to a couple of them...

I like this one quite a lot:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ASMRrequests
Found the face paint one good in particular.

This one too:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePeacefulWhisper
The one where she's reciting "relaxing words" was one of the best videos I've heard/seen. Got me really buzzing.

This guy seems good as well:
http://www.youtube.com/user/WhisperMister1
Haven't seen many of his though.



Arlandria said:


> I really wasn't expecting to see ASMR mentioned here! Gentlewhispering is the best.


Oh yeah... she probably is the best TBH.


----------



## Icestorm

Hmm... weird things that I do. Well, here's a couple.

- One thing that comes to mind immediately, is walking around the long way just because there's a group of teens sitting down on the path I would normally take.

- Also, not asking the teacher for help on my work, even though I'm stuck and end up staring at the screen for 2 hours until it's time to leave.

- There are three different bus companies where I live. There's the common one, which I know is £2 bus fare. The other two, I don't know what their fares are. One of those buses comes along, and I skip it simply because I'm too scared to ask the bus driver how much the fare is despite knowing that skipping it will make me late for college.

- This one's probably comes across a tad rude, but putting my bag on the seat next to me on the bus. This is so that someone doesn't sit next to me, inevitably leading me to have to ask the person "Excuse me" so that I can get off at my stop.

- Leaving to go to the bathroom at college, walking into the cubicle, and locking the door. It feels safe in there. Like, closing the cubicle door shuts off the outside world. Sometimes I just go in there to take some deep breaths, calming myself, and then leaving back into the outside world again.


----------



## SVIIC

Those things are just the absurd things I tend (tended... since I'm doing nothing right now :no) to do...

At least I'm not the only one!

Here's one you've reminded me of:

When I was in college sometimes I've have classes, then maybe 2 hours off or something and then another class or classes after that.
Sometimes I'd bring in a sandwich and eat that in between, but what I really wanted to do was go to the Subway for lunch because I really like those with the cheese and everything... om nom nom...

Anyway, while I did succeed in going sometimes, that was usually after a LOT of walking around feeling awkward and doing laps of the area around it... having a look in... thinking about what to do/say and trying to psyche myself up.
A few times though... at least once or twice anyway... I spent that whole 2 or so hours walking around trying to figure out how to work up the courage/confidence to walk into the line and not think I was going to **** up what I was going to say or stutter or go blank or whatever, especially if something happened that I hadn't prepared for.
So even though I was quite hungry by then... it didn't force me to do it in the end and I just left and ate nothing :no.

I guess I would have thought that was rather extreme, and I suppose it is, but your bus thing (allowing SA to stop you from doing something that's quite necessary in your day) reminded me of that.


----------



## maryseouellet

I used to stand in bathroom on long pauses on college, but now I made few friends to hang out with, so I dont do it anymore. I eat lunch in bathroom sometimes or go to side because I dont want people to see what I eat...


----------



## crdjsph

sslhea said:


> bronco028 said:
> 
> 
> 
> In 10th grade I was to scared to ask for a ride home or ride the bus so I walked 5 miles in 110 degree heat until someone I knew finally picked me up.
> 
> I was dropped off by my parents to go to a football game but I was by myself (no friends) and hid behind the high school until the game was over and pretended I went to my family...I made up a huge story about the people I sat with and the score and everything. (this happened a couple of times for different events)
> [/quote:cry :cry :cry
> 
> 
> 
> do you smoke weed?
Click to expand...


----------



## TastelessCookie

The other day I wanted to buy a cd from a record store and was too shy to enter. I had to make a street circle around the shop until I got the courage to go inside.


----------



## Tryintobepositive

I remember once when I was 16 a kid on the school bus told this girl that I thought she was cute she giggled and then I didn't talk or even make eye contact with her for the rest of the year even though it was a cramped bus and I sat like right next to her sometimes. Soooo awkward. And that's just a random story off the top of my head.


----------



## Eel Life

Sometimes I talk to myself rather than my friends because if I talk to them I always have to focus on talking in a certain way... I also get too nervous to buy something from a shop (talking to the cashier). I also can't get a taxi without sitting in the back seat and staring out the window.


----------



## Charleyy

I never get a taxi or bus by myself, so I usually walk in all kinds of weather no matter the distance just to avoid being alone in a taxi.

I used to be a bit late to tutor just so the door would already be opened because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to open the door and humiliate myself. (The door did get stuck often, in my defense.)

I would always have a book or my DS on me at college to avoid awkwardness-it just resulted in people not wanting to talk to me. (Which makes sense.)

I always try to hide something when I'm trying to open it, like a bottle or a packet of something, because if I wasn't able to do it the first time I start to feel stupid and panic a bit. I used to go without eating at lunch because of this or opened them before.

I always make sure I'm behind my friends when we go somewhere, so the attention is more on them and they are more likely to be the one to talk/order.

I have to use google maps and look at where I'm going, even if it's a friends house I've already visited numerous times...

If I saw that I was the first to class I would go to the toliet or something just to avoid being alone with the teacher.

Jump behind couches when the door goes.

Make it look like I'm busy with my purse while waiting in line.

If I knew one of my friends (who was the only friend in that class or was in my group for a presentation or something) wasn't at school I'd try to get a day off too.

There are actually _loads_ more. It's frustrating how silly they are.


----------



## maryseouellet

I always try to avoid people I know on the street, or I just pretend I don't see them cause I don't know what to talk about... This makes me feel really bad cause they probably think I'm jerk


----------



## TastelessCookie

maryseouellet said:


> I always try to avoid people I know on the street, or I just pretend I don't see them cause I don't know what to talk about... This makes me feel really bad cause they probably think I'm jerk


Story of my life.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures

maryseouellet said:


> I always try to avoid people I know on the street, or I just pretend I don't see them cause I don't know what to talk about... This makes me feel really bad cause they probably think I'm jerk


The other day I sat next to someone I went to school with on the train. She kept looking at me so I pretended to be doing something on my phone, for 20 minutes. It's bad because I saw her like a week earlier at a train station and pretended not to notice even though she smiled at me.


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Hid in my room for an hour the other night because my dad and his wife came round for my sister's birthday. When I desperately needed the toilet I changed into pajamas, came out and pretended I'd just woken up. Then failed miserably at making small talk with them.


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Put my hand over my ipod screen when changing songs/volume in public so people don't judge my taste in music.


----------



## mr snuffles

Social anxiety made me develop a pessimistic and cynical personality but only on the outside 
When im alone i can relax and be myself
If im in a group however i start getting sweaty figity and anxious
play with twigs on the floor, start pacing or just shut my brain off from the world
sometimes i get trapped while walking 
Because i keep walking past people and getting more anxious.
Then i cant stop cause i think they will laugh at me


----------



## misski

I'm glad you shared this because I can relate to it so much.

Throughout high school, I did not get lunch at all and I can count on one hand how many times I've been in the cafeteria in 10th-12th grade. I was either in the library, my teacher's room sitting by myself with him, or in the bathroom.

I walked up and down the stairs and around the halls until the bell would ring. I hated lunch period.

I was VERY close to dropping out of high school. I walked in the counselor's office in 11th grade, awkwardly asked to close the door and said I wanted to drop out despite of my good grades. I lied and said I wanted to have a job and support my mom when really, my phobia was getting worse and I didn't want to deal with going to school anymore. He convinced me not to, and I ended up having a 4.0 in senior year and graduating with a 3.6, despite failing most of my classes in 9th grade because I was absent a lot.

When I was a child, gym was the worst. During gym, our teacher would basically let you run outside and play. I was always by myself. One day, my aunt and grandma came to pick me up but they arrived really early. They saw me because the playground was also where the parents would parked their car. When I went into the car, I lied and said I was in trouble which was why I was by myself and that I couldn't play.

If someone visited our home as a child, I would lock myself in my room even if I was hungry and needed to eat.

When I had to call someone, that would be a big deal for me so I had to lock myself somewhere to speak.

Etc., etc., etc...


----------



## cloud90




----------



## hopefulhere

Just today I hid in the walled off auditorium of my school for a while. And I'm a teacher.


----------



## Fruitcake

End our own lives.


----------



## Apollo

hopefulhere said:


> Just today I hid in the walled off auditorium of my school for a while. And I'm a teacher.


Can I ask, how are you a teacher with SA? I thought teachers have to talk in front of students all day.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

Apollo said:


> Can I ask, how are you a teacher with SA? I thought teachers have to talk in front of students all day.


While I can't answer for him/her, I would just like to add that it's possible to unlearn certain behavior even if it's SA related. I noticed this when I once had to follow a coarse of giving presentations. At first I did very bad. But after only four presentations I already did much better. So I can imagine that if you would want to became a teacher you get so much time to practice in front of people that you can actually can get rid of it enough to function.

But it can also be that he/she has a less severe reaction than others with SA when public speaking is concerned.

My two cents.


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## hopefulhere

Apollo said:


> Can I ask, how are you a teacher with SA? I thought teachers have to talk in front of students all day.


I guess being in front of kids is more like performing than relating socially. (I was hiding from obnoxious colleagues.)


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## TastelessCookie

When I want to get out of my building and I hear someone talking at the first floor, I wait for them to leave before I exist my apartment. :um


----------



## Towers

Let's see.
I often walked home for 10 miles because I feared taking the bus.
During the special classes I didn't have any friends in, if we had a break, I'd hide in the bathroom to avoid just standing there like an idiot.
If I had nothing cool to wear, I'd skip school.


----------



## villadb

So much on this thread rings a bell with me. When I was backpacking in Australia I'd often stay up until about 4AM so I knew everyone in my hostel room was asleep, sleep a few hours then get up and sneak out to go to the beach at about 8AM, then fall asleep under the sun. Got a quality tan out of it! My brief uni time was also a complete failure because I stopped going to lectures due to a fear of mixing with people. Lunchtimes at work I'd go out no matter what the weather was doing, nowadays I just read my book and have the odd painful conversation.


----------



## ForBrighterDays

In high school I didn't eat all day because I didn't want anyone to see me.

I would hide in the toilets while everyone was changing classes so I didn't have to face the crowds.

Depending on how I'm feeling, if I'm walking and I see a group of teenagers or just someone who makes me uncomfortable, I'll turn around and walk back the way I came.


----------



## Skoomax

If someone has to sit next to me in class, i walk away and hide in the toilets.


----------



## Charlottte

Reading these made me cry. I can just relate so much :cry

I used to sit alone and read in the classroom or outside the classroom door during lunch. Whenever something happened that I just couldn't handle (this happened _all the time_ during P.E. class.. I hated that class so much!!) I would just say I had to go the dentist or doctor or whatever and either walk around along the shore or go to the library. Or I would go home and pretend to be sick. So I missed a lot of school and my grades dropped.

Looking back I realize how terribly depressed and lonely I was and how long it's been like this. :no


----------



## Jamie22

When I was at school I used to walk home during lunch time as I only lived around the corner. I hated eating in the cafeteria in front of people, people used to watch me eat sometimes and I hated it.


----------



## krutq

When I talk to people, and I start feeling anxious, I scratch my chest. I feel like such a retard, because I do it more than one time.


----------



## CheesyBites

Unkn0wn Pleasures said:


> Put my hand over my ipod screen when changing songs/volume in public so people don't judge my taste in music.


I do this exact same thing.


----------



## filmophile

-In high school, went to the library, or went for walks around the school during lunch just to waste the time, the cafeteria was absolutely packed; basically a SA nightmare.
-Never ordered food anywhere though I would've liked to, but since first year of university I have figured this out.
-Saying things I don't actually think to seem more normal. "Yeah going clubbing in Vegas/Miami for vacation sounds like fun" well maybe for you, but you couldn't pay me to go.


----------



## ForBrighterDays

filmophile said:


> -In high school, went to the library, or went for walks around the school during lunch just to waste the time, the cafeteria was absolutely packed; basically a SA nightmare.
> -Never ordered food anywhere though I would've liked to, but since first year of university I have figured this out.
> -Saying things I don't actually think to seem more normal. "Yeah going clubbing in Vegas/Miami for vacation sounds like fun" well maybe for you, but you couldn't pay me to go.


That last one, yeah I've definitely been guilty of saying crap just to fit in.


----------



## DreamerInSlumberland

When I have nothing to say to a stranger who's trying to talk to me I nervously smile, as if somehow smiling is going to make up for my lack of a response.

I'll walk the other way if I am too anxious to talk or if someone intimidates me for some reason.

At work I'll schedule my breaks where I can eat alone, so I don't have to interact with people I'm not comfortable with. Other times if I see a customer who makes me nervous I'll hide in the back until they are gone.

Sometimes I'll lie and agree with people for fear they won't like my true opinions, or hurt their feelings because I don't actually like what they like.


----------



## thepigeon2222

can't believe what i am reading everyone in here had anxiety that had gotten really bad it is not even considered weird


----------



## theresabell

This thread brings back so many memories from when I was younger - the lengths I would go to to avoid interaction or get out of peoples sight - even when it meant I would suffer in other ways, like when I would need help with something but could not ask for it. It makes me sad to think about. I did a lot of the same things other people here have shared here.


----------



## thehandofthenight

I avoid the work cafeteria like the plague; I don't like looking anyone in the eyes when I talk because, even though I am listening to what they are saying, I am mentally thinking of every possible negative thing they might be thinking about me


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

krutq said:


> When I talk to people, and I start feeling anxious, I scratch my chest. I feel like such a retard, because I do it more than one time.


I know how you feel. When in that position I rub my eyes or nose. As though it's an excuse to not be talking or making eye contact.


----------



## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Dropped out of uni after one semester. Took a semester ofF; came back; skipped the first day because there was no gin left; went to one class and spoke to one person (the tutor made him be in a group with me); detoured to avoid walking down the stairs with him, saw him again at the bus stop, checked the timetable then waited around the corner for 10 minutes for the bus. Stressed about the social aspect of uni so much that I couldn't study - or sleep properly - so for the past two weeks so haven't been going. 


Not dropping out of uni for the sole reason that I'm unemployed and don't want to seem like too much of loser.


----------



## Tipa

(GROSS WARNING)
I used to be scared of using the restrooms at school. I would always hold it until I got home. This wasn't an issue until I got my period. My mom wouldn't let me buy tampons because I was young (got it at 10) so I was stuck pads. Unfortunately I was heavy and still scared of the bathroom, but was also self conscious and didn't want to admit to my mom that I wasn't regular. So, instead of buying super pads, I would shove and crap ton of TP into my underwear on top of the pad everyday and hope I didn't bleed out at school. Most of the time it worked, but it was really uncomfortable :/
(GROSS WARNING OVER)

Whenever my best friend is not at school, I either hide in an empty office or my car whenever I don't have class.

Whenever I am lost I will walk around acting like I know where I'm going while desperately trying to remember how to get to where I'm going so I don't have to ask someone. Normally, If I can't recall, I'll just ditch.

I am scared to talk on the phone unless I'm in an absolutely secluded area.

I hide in my room when relatives are over, because I'm scared to socialize with them, and when I'm in roommate situations or staying the night at friends house, I often pretend I'm asleep so people won't bother me.

Whenever I'm shopping I flat out refuse to ask for help finding something. I have walked around a store for hours before trying to find something so I could avoid asking.

When I was younger, I used to bite the insides of my cheeks really hard to avoid smiling when I wanted to because I was scared to show emotions.

I once wet myself in middle school because we were watching a movie and everyone was packed on the floor and I was too scared/embarrassed to get up and walk through the people to ask to go to the bathroom.

I have faked illnesses time and time again to get out of going to school, with the occasional induced vomiting to be more convincing (ironically I'm doing that today lol). I also back out of nearly every social engagement I have unless it's with my one best friend by making some excuse like being sick or a family event.

I get really mean when someone calls me out for making a mistake because I always cry when I do something wrong and the only way not to that I know of currently is to get pissed off at them and overly formal. I NEVER cry in front of people.

If I'm walking through a hallway, I need to have something in my hands that I can read or headphones in my ears so I look occupied and people won't wave nor will the get offended when I don't.

I'm sure there's plenty more but this is what I can think of at the moment :/


----------



## monkey3

reading some of these is comforting, knowing i'm not the only one.

same sorta things. have good days and bad days. would spend a whole day not eating because i had no one to eat with at uni. spend a lot of breaks in the toilets. if there's any cameras at my uni building they'd probably see me go to the bathrooms numerous times. and the weird thing is, i dont think im that anxious, maybe just a little nervous, but when i lock that cubicle door, the relief i get is massive. just to feel safe from people. 

spent about a day and a half without food. because i was terrified of leaving my uni room. the thirst was the worst bit, and i kept preparing myself to leave, then id hear my flatmates voices and freeze. got to the stage where i bought crisps and stuff in the shop just so it was easier to eat in my room.

i walk past shops, cafes first, to judge how busy they look, then go in once i feel safe enough. i can walk a few miles. realise it's too overcrowdy, get nervous, then walk back. 

i no longer speak to anyone in uni. when i lived there i'd go days without talking to anyone (mostly cause i avoided them). of course if someone did speak to me, i'd smile and try to be as pleasant as possible. i used to be over eager, but i find that being indifferent and not trying as hard make people like you, makes them feel at ease with you.

i miss class presentations, and then will not turn up to class again after i havent done it, and so lose marks every semester. the thought of it i cannot handle... i will never do one.


----------



## dine

i always pretend to talk on the phone when im approaching group of my classmates,so i just wave at them and so i dont have to talk to them.i skipped eating many times in my dorms when my best friend is not with me to eat.i used to pee in empty bottles in my room(there is common washroom in my dorm) ,so i dont have to talk to people in dorm hallways.i hide in bathroom to kill the time during family gatherings and a lot more to say.


----------



## Kalliber

I cough when I'm nervous..


----------



## fire mage64

Unkn0wn Pleasures said:


> Put my hand over my ipod screen when changing songs/volume in public so people don't judge my taste in music.


What music do you listen to?



hopefulhere said:


> Just today I hid in the walled off auditorium of my school for a while. And I'm a teacher.


What do you teach?



Towers said:


> I often walked home for 10 miles because I feared taking the bus.


10 miles?! That's a long walk! How long did it take you?



villadb said:


> Lunchtimes at work I'd go out no matter what the weather was doing, nowadays I just read my book and have the odd painful conversation.


Have any favorite books?



Nessie91 said:


> I avoid crossing the road at traffic lights since I hate the fact people are looking out their car windows at me lol


If a road doesn't have one of those crosswalk light things then I'll worry about how to cross the street without getting in the way of traffic.


----------



## BelowtheCurrent

Today, instead of going to a potluck on the campus lawn, I went into the library to study and fill time. What's even more stupid about that decision is that while passing by I saw my international student friend who I haven't seen in forever and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a loser. The right thing to do would have been to go say hi at least! He was taking pictures of the event. Fail.


----------



## Mousy

I cover my mouth and touch my face a lot. And weird facial expressions.


----------



## Mr Runt

During four years of high school, I never ONCE went to the bathroom, because I was convinced that someone would "flush" me.

Luckily, if we had gym class, I was able to use that bathroom. But there were many days that I had to piss so bad, by the time I got home, my bladder was ready to explode!

Even to this day, I don't mind peeing at work, but I hate taking a ****. What I hate about it is if someone comes in who also has to ****, and then you're both there ****ting. I hate the noises we make when we go, the plopping and grunting and all that. I am terrified that someone I know will see me coming out of the bathroom. Like it would be a huge shock to everyone that I crap just like every other human being.

I have progressed to using a bathroom on the 2nd floor, because I figure nobody knows me on that floor, so it doesn't bother me that much. But if I have to go at work, I usually hold it until I'm prairie dogging and will **** myself if I don't do something fast.


----------



## InfiniteBlaze

When I'm in the library computer lab at school I look for the most secluded computer.


----------



## TiredTracy

I missed the reception line at my own wedding. I couldn't do it. I did not know to expect it (the first wedding I ever attended was my own), and I ran and hid in the bedroom until people were settled in and started entertaining each other.

I'm sure it must have seemed terribly rude at the time, but I was just 18


----------



## endlessstruggle

In high school during brake i would always pretend that i'm texting someone or reading something of my phone so i can avoid as much social awkwardness as possible.
Whenever confronted or whenever i had a presentation at school i would cross my eyes so that i can blur my colleagues intimidating and mean faces;


----------



## JH1983

There have been points when I crawled out my bedroom window to get to my car rather than go through the living room and faced my Dad on the way to the door. Also sometimes if I came home at night and it looked like he was up I would just hide in the yard until all the lights were out before going in. I've stayed in my room starving waiting for everyone else to go to bed before going to the kitchen to eat.
After my first semester of college back in 2003 I didn't want to go back and my parents were pushing me to do it anyway and rather than just saying no I had my Mom go with me to sign up for class and I paid for the classes out of my own pocket and then pretended to get up and go to school every day. I didn't know it at the time, but I got all 0's for those classes and it ruined my GPA.
In 2010 I got forced to go to a rehab program for 100 days and we had groups six days a week for like ten hours a day. We also had to have a rehab job. I got a job in the laundry room so I could be alone. There was this huge covered shelf in the laundry room where they stored the linens so dust wouldn't get on them. I made a nest on the bottom shelf from sheets and towels and on Sunday when we didn't have group we were required to socialize I would go hide in my nest for five or six hours. I don't know what I would have said if someone would have come looking for a sheet. "It's not what it looks like?"


----------



## TonyP

Senior year in high school I use to go to the library during lunch and do homework instead of going to the cafeteria. Also I would hide during pep rallies and try not to get caught.( I had what I think was a panic attack in a school assembly that left me terrified of going to anything in an gym or auditorium with a large amount of people) I would take out of the way routes to avoid people. When I was elementary school I would fake having a headache or stomach ache during PE (physical education) so I would not have to participate. Relay races made me so nervous.


----------



## MrOblivious

At recess and lunch I often walked around the school aimlessly so it looked like I was going somewhere in the school instead of having to sit by myself for everyone to see.


----------



## SD92

I stopped eating in High School for a few years due to being anxious about people watching me eat.

I ate nearly everything in sight as soon as I got home.


----------



## londonromance

In high school, I always went to the library during lunch every other day because I wasn't comfortable eating with anyone in that lunch period. Everyone I knew already had their own friends and they were nice, but more acquaintances than friends. I panicked every time the schedule for the day was switched around and I was put in a lunch period I knew no one in because the one time I did eat lunch by myself (first day of junior year, went to a new school), I felt so self-conscious.

Every time I do a presentation in school, I almost never look up from the paper I'm reading from because I don't even make eye contact in regular conversations, much less huge groups of people. I always get marked down for that and I hate it.

I had a UTI for a few weeks and I went to class one day because I had missed a lot and didn't want to get too behind. I came in late and everyone looked at me. But the UTI was so bad that like every two minutes, I had to go to the bathroom and when I wasn't in the bathroom, I just kept thinking about how crappy I felt, so I couldn't even concentrate, so after being in class for 10 minutes, I just left.

I'm so self-conscious of everything I do and my boyfriend says I have a staring problem where I watch other people sometimes, just to gauge if what I'm doing is normal.


----------



## GangsterOfLove

I have done a lot of weird s*** because of anxiety but I don't really care to share those, as they were mostly done a while back. Most recently though, I haven't set foot in the cafeteria yet this year (I just go to the library and eat) and I have never used the bathrooms at school.


----------



## andoru

I did tons of weird stuff including some that have been mentioned already, like when feeling detached being in a group of friends then just leaving all of a sudden without telling them.

Also one even that stands out is once in high school when the class I was in planned a trip to Greece. I would have been forced to stay in the same hotel room with other snotty brats from my class, and that was definitely something I wouldn't have liked. So I made an excuse that my parents and I are mourning my grandpa, so the homerun teacher (not sure if that's how they're called, basically the teacher who is in charge of looking over a class) decided to call my parents and deliver his condolences, and he found out the truth *facepalm*
In the end I came off clean and told them I really don't feel like going. Then the endless "why" questions popped up... as if it wasn't awkward enough for me already -.-


----------



## annoyedgrunt84

I will not answer my phone if I don't know who it is. I have missed calls from work because of this.


----------



## kokakola

I was at a class with someone that I kind of knew and i wet to their house after, for a certain amount of time. Then my parents said that they would be home much later, and I didn't have a key. Instead of asking the person, I waited on my porch for about an hour. In December.


----------



## Brandeezy

Talked to an imaginary friend on the phone for 2 hours at this campus party where I knew no one


----------



## Whywontyoutalktome

Dear Lord it's like you people have written the stories of my existence in here! I laughed, I cried,... I laughed again at all the weird crap we do to avoid other people. I wish others could read this and truly understand what it's like. 

When I had roommates at my first college I would always avoid coming out of my room while they were home. Especially to go to the bathroom and I was paranoid that after a shower I would accidentally leave a pair of 'dirty' underwear or a bra or something for one of them or their bf to find.

I am so freaking jealous of you guys who got to hide in the library during lunch. We had to go to the cafeteria where there were teachers who watched you to make sure no one left. Yes, this was High school I'm talking about. At work I still try to go when no one else is in the break room.

I qualified for free lunch all through school but even in elementary I remember being terrified and embarrassed going through lunch line. Within the first week of middle school my greatest fear came true. I remember seeing a kid go through the line and the cashier stops him because there was some mix-up with his free lunch paperwork. She eventually allowed him to go on with a reminder to have his parents send it in ASAP. THAT WAS IT FOR ME! Decided I could never stand that embarrassment. I never ate lunch at school again except for scraping change together for a Drumstick Sundae once or twice.

Not too long ago, in the Krispy Kreme drive-thru I ordered 2 glazed donuts. As I pulled up to the window I overheard the woman behind me making this huge order for an assortment of donuts. When the guy opened the window he handed me the big rectangular box (instead of a bag) and quoted me a price that was way too high for just two donuts and I immediately knew it was for the woman behind me but I was to nervous to say anything so I paid for them and left. I bet the guy at the window was wondering what kind of weirdo I was afterward.

Anyone knocking on my door scares me to death, even if it's expected. I sprint to my bedroom like a drug dealer would if he had tons of coke spread out on the table and the cops banging on the door. I love ordering stuff online (cheaper + don't have to leave the house!) but delivery days are terrifying.


----------



## Mousy

Whywontyoutalktome said:


> I laughed, I cried,... I laughed again at all the weird crap we do to avoid other people.


We're like ninjas. B)


----------



## Whywontyoutalktome

Oh yeah I forgot the really sad one. 

I kept myself from crying during my dad's funeral because I thought it would make me look stupid, or weak. (WTF)

I don't like people to see me cry but if there was ever a time where crying is totally understandable uh...yeah.. this is it! Feel so stupid now because, to my Dad's side of the family who I rarely see, it probably made me look like I didn't even love him and he was my world!


----------



## ZADY

I didn't eat every day at school because I hate the stares I get from teachers and peers when I sit alone. So I went the whole day every day without eating even though I was hungry as hell. :afr

I hid in the bathrooms the whole 40 minutes of lunch because I didn't want to be seen alone.

And many other stupid things that I can't remember off the top of my head.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker

Mousy said:


> I cover my mouth and touch my face a lot. And weird facial expressions.


Yay! Me too!

Uhm, you see someone walking up the path that you normally use to go to work and you know either you'll have to walk very slow and talk to them or walk faster and feel like a jerk so you use another entrance. Ich, you still feel like a jerk.


----------



## TastelessCookie

When I see a friend or a family member outside somewhere, I don't go talk. Not because I'm mean, but because I'm too anxious to start small talk with them.


----------



## DaydreamBeliever10

Whywontyoutalktome said:


> Oh yeah I forgot the really sad one.
> 
> I kept myself from crying during my dad's funeral because I thought it would make me look stupid, or weak. (WTF)
> 
> I don't like people to see me cry but if there was ever a time where crying is totally understandable uh...yeah.. this is it! Feel so stupid now because, to my Dad's side of the family who I rarely see, it probably made me look like I didn't even love him and he was my world!


I'll do everything in my power not to cry at funerals, I think I would have a panic attack if anyone saw me cry. Then I get anxious because of how I must look not crying for the loss of a person who is often very dear to me. A few tears escaped my control once but I had my niece on my lap so I kind of hid the fact I was crying behind her.

People at work will often watch you get your lunch out to see what you've got and there is one person that watches me eat. Then again maybe my anxiety is just making me paranoid that she watches me but I'm sure she does which makes me more anxious so I play with my food or pretend to check my phone or something until she looks somewhere else. I would just not eat but then someone might ask why I'm not eating. I don't like being on the same shift as her and I wish I could bring myself to go and eat in my car or away from the staff dinning room but that would bring about many more questions and they would all view me as very anti social which would make me feel worse so I suffer through it as always.


----------



## hmko

I walk around aimlessly a lot in uni breaks so it looks like I have somewhere to be. Sometimes I pretend to be on the phone, especially when I see people I know who I'm afraid to talk to. If I see someone I'm afraid to talk to sometimes I'll literally walk in the other direction and come back later. I've also spent time in the bathroom so no one can see me alone.


----------



## Nessie91

I never walk into class when everyone else is seated. 

I use to hide in the bathroom to avoid people or when I had a free class *cringe*

Cross the road if there's a big group of people walking towards me.


----------



## dine

When relatives come over,i make small talk with them and i go to my room and sleep or pretend to be sick or go out pretending that ive something to do.i do all this **** because i cant make continuos conversations.


----------



## SwrvnMrvin

In high school, I used to skip lunch and go to auto tech class. My teacher would let me work on the school racecar or weld up something like a sculpture for fun. During our lunches, everyone went to the cafeteria. So auto was alone time for me.

As an adult, I make sure I go to meetings super early so I'm not the last one to walk in. I'd just bury myself in my phone until it starts. I usually try to stay in my office and not leave because it's peaceful in there and no one usually bothers me unless one of my employees need something or some kind of approval. I also avoid public restrooms at almost all costs. If I absolutely have to go, I go into the "family restrooms" so no one else is in there. I hate malls especially kiosks that pester you about some "as seen on TV" product they're trying to pawn off on you.


----------



## SternumCrushingBison

ive gone to my black car in the parking lot at 100+ degree heat, bought lunch and didn't eat it because someone parked beside me and didn't get out of their car. sat by myself for over an hour or two multiple times waiting to get picked up after school/practice etc.
been bothered by police multiple times for sitting in my car alone, guess im suspicious. 
sacrificed grades involving class participation and on an on an on


----------



## SapphireMeadow

I use to tell people that my parents wouldn't let me do stuff like go to the movies or go to their birthday parties, just because I was so anxious about it after they asked me. Sadly this stopped working after my mom told a friend that I hadn't even asked her about a party and of course I could come.

After I got older and had a job I would go get in my car, drive around the block so they would think I was going out to launch, and eat my packed launch alone in my car because I was to nervous to eat in the break room.

Now I'm in college and I still eat launch in my car because the cafetiere is often packed with people which is just too nerve racking for me. And I also have gotten to class late before and wound up sitting in my car instead because I was too nervous about walking in late and everyone staring at me. Once I even got out and walked to the class but as soon as I saw them doing a critique through the window I ducked down so non of them would see me and snuck back to my car :/


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## Zeven

If i'm im late for class, i usually skip it altogether so i dont have to walk in while everyone else i seated. I often eat lunch in my car or somtimes even in one of the bathrooms at my university, and heading from the library i always walk in the basement coridoors (wich is a longer way), and i skip a lot of the mandatory seminars with the result of having to write a small essay on the subject, wich takes a LOT more time then just going to the seminar. Did'nt go to PE class one single time during high school, the teacher did'nt even know who i was lol.


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## IllmaticJJ

I feel that unless someone had SA, they can't really understand why people do these things. In middle school my parents dropped me off early always so I would just go into the cafeteria and sit there alone not doing anything


----------



## SuperSaiyanGod

When ever my mom and I attended some kind of family function, I found myself hiding away in a room somewhere so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. 

During the times when I'm engulfed in one of my mental fantasy worlds, I would pace aimlessly around the house and big grin on my face. (That's what isolation does to you) 

In high school and junior high, I was the proverbial wallflower. This also entailed making sure to walk next to the wall when walking down a hallway to avoid getting noticed. And also finding a seat in class (and cafeteria during lunch)next to a wall; for the same reasons.


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## actu

I forget positive things. I forget that people complimented me, or laughed at my jokes, or basically anything that should normally make me feel good, and I focus on the little pointless ****s in my life, like "I sounded weird when I said that word" or "that person who I've never met looked angry, was he angry at me?".


----------



## Seaplane

One time I asked my friend if he could take me to go get food without realizing he was with someone at the time. When he pulled up in my driveway he texted me and told me that he and his friend were outside. I was so scared to go outside because I didn't want to interact with his friend and I didn't know what car they were in or what seat his friend was in, so I told him to go away and leave me alone. He ended up coming to the door pounding on it and screaming at me while I hid, until he got angry and skidded out of the driveway. He texted me afterward to yell at me and call me names because 'I was being ridiculous.'

Surprisingly his friend understood that I was scared and wasn't angry at me.


----------



## ThunderChild

I would pretend I was walking from one part of the school to the other and back again at recess because I didn't have a group of friends to hang with. I went to the library or study room at lunch.

I annoy some people with my leg jiggling because I'm nervous. Like when we're sitting down at lunch someone can sometimes feel my leg bumping thiers. It was annoying my sister when we went to the movies last night and my leg was shaking waiting for the movie to start. I do it even when I'm just sitting at my computer haha.


----------



## Johnnnn

I blush like crazy if being spoken to by 2 or more people, or if i am the centre of attention...so i fake cough or bend over and pretend to scratch my knee or something to hide it.


----------



## knight1985

I tried to start smoking.


----------



## Seaplane

Thought of another one. I used to be a book keeper for a local grocery store, which was an awesome job because my boss loved me and was supportive of my social anxiety and my job consisted of sitting by myself or with him all day in the office. He'd also buy me lunch, which was cool. (and then he got fired for sexually harassing female employees, oops)

Well one day this auditor was there and she was using my computer. It was extremely silent in the office and I was too afraid to tell her I needed to use the computer, so I sat there pretending to work for two hours before I was desperately running out of time to get my work done. When I finally managed the courage to ask, my voice came out all quiet and shaky.


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## SapphireMeadow

TastelessCookie said:


> When I see a friend or a family member outside somewhere, I don't go talk. Not because I'm mean, but because I'm too anxious to start small talk with them.


OMGosh I know :/ I do that all the time and then people think I'm being snobby but I'm really not. Is a pain.


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## TimeToBegin

In middle school I used to hate waiting for the bus because there'd be at least 8 other kids in the bus stop. So I'd always stand far away from them. In the winter it would get very cold, snowy, and windy but I still could not make myself to take shelter in the bus stop, I'd just be standing by myself out on the sidewalk and I would hear them all making fun of me for being so stupid and not going to sit with them where it was warmer.

I pity myself when I think about it.

Another time, I used to work as a hostess at a restaurant and this couple walked in so I went up to them to get them seated and everything, and I'm not exaggerating about what I'm going to say, the first thing that came out of my mouth was a long sentence of stuttering gibberish. It wasn't like "Hi, how are y-you? Do you need a t-table for two?" or something, no, I _wish_ it was that. What I said was something that resembled "hi howhrf yrmret gjkrthh tbnkdnt bsjkdfj mndvherh erg".

They stood there staring at me like I was stupid. It was so damn embarrassing I literally covered my mouth with my hand and said sorry, then tried again. LOLLLLLLLL


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## WallabyJerky

Letting my mind fill in the blanks.


----------



## ImMary

Haha, the more I read this thread, the more I relate.

At school, I would behave the sketchiest. I'd go and hide behind a shelf in the library during lunch hour after eating so nobody could see that I was just some tagalong. I'd also be constantly "reorganizing" my locker before class started to avoid unsuccessfully joining the little group conversations my classmates made.

What's been really sketchy lately for me is clothes shopping. I always feel like I don't belong with the "glamorous" shoppers at said stores. Therefor, I always avoid any opportunity to go to the mall. Online shopping is better for me, IMO!


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## jesse93

I will walk down totally different isles in grocery stores just to avoid contacting another person. 

I will pretend like I'm on my cellphone having a phone conversation, when walking by another person so I can avoid having to say "hello" to that person.

I will awkwardly peak out my windows before i take my dogs outside so I don't have to go out when my neighbors are out, sometimes they catch me peaking my head out of the back door, it is extremely awkward. ( I live in a town home)

I will walk all the away around to the other side of my house just to avoid having to run into my neighbors.

I intentionally sit super far away from my coworkers at work, just so I'm not stuck in an awkward situation where they're conversing and I can't think of anything to say.

I use to ditch certain classes in high school just because I didn't have any friends in them.

One time when paying for groceries I brought cash, and it totaled up to 50 something dollars, so I counted my money 3 different times and i guess I was so anxious that I accidentally (after counting this money 3 different times) gave the cashier $80 instead of 60.

I drive to different grocery stores just so I can avoid seeing the same workers there.

When I see someone I haven't talked to in a long time and they ask what i'm doing with my life, most the time I will make up a story, so they don't really know how truly pathetic I am.

Well, there's a few I could think of a million more little things but for now this will do


----------



## PastTime

- At my last job, eating in my car every single day, if anyone asked I said i was eating out with friends or that i had stuff to do while in reality i parked in some deserted parking garage far away from work.

- At one point in the job mentioned above I was sure that my co-workers found out that I was eating in my car every lunch which made me drive around the city constantly believing I was being followed by them.

- When the phone rings I never answer.

- Always hiding in my room pretending im not there if someone comes to visit.

- A while ago I met a girl online but after a few days I was sure she trying to track my indentity down in order plot something against me.


----------



## SapphireMeadow

OMGosh, I just thought of another one. I look at the floor/ground while walking around. I do it while walking around at work, I stair downward at the pavement while walking from one building to another at university, and I've even realized I was looking at the floor at Walmart one time while walking from one department to another. I automatically do it though because it makes me feel less nervous than when I'm looking sleight forward for some reason :/ IDK?


----------



## SapphireMeadow

Whywontyoutalktome said:


> Oh yeah I forgot the really sad one.
> 
> I kept myself from crying during my dad's funeral because I thought it would make me look stupid, or weak. (WTF)
> 
> I don't like people to see me cry but if there was ever a time where crying is totally understandable uh...yeah.. this is it! Feel so stupid now because, to my Dad's side of the family who I rarely see, it probably made me look like I didn't even love him and he was my world!


I can so relate to this, I never cry when people can see me. Even when it would be totally acceptable  The only funeral I've ever cried at was my grandmothers and it was just a few little tears, I just couldn't let myself break down in front of people like that... I've never been able too.


----------



## Boomaloom

At an old retail job, whenever I had all my work done and was at a loose end, instead of hanging out in the storeroom, shooting the breeze with the other guys and watching out for the manager, I would go up into a loft which was used to store stuff. I'd sit up there for 15/20 minutes just killing time. If I heard anyone else coming up, I would look busy moving things around!


----------



## FreshPrince

great thread. i think that i read an eighth of this whole thread so far. some serious gold in here, lol.

I look down all the time. One time, I remember being called out for that by a buddy of mine. I just told him that I was in deep thought. Can't remember if that was true or not. My mind does wander a lot, and sometimes I end up looking up instead.

I did the skip-lunch-in-the-library thing in grade school as well. Oddly enough, I did it with my friends, who I'm sure did not have SA. Some were nerds, some were foreigners like me, but we were all "outcasts" who hung out all the time. Plus the food was ****e.

I think that this was before I had SA (if that's possible), but I was scheduled to be in a spelling bee in junior high and ended up fake-being sick so that I could get out of it because it was supposed to be a whole public event in the school auditorium. Nope.

Occasionally I go out at night alone when I want to. I either don't care if I look weird or don't think that I do very much because others don't care about me and I usually do mingle with others or they mingle with me. Though one time, I went alone to go see Greg Giraldo (R.I.P.) at a comedy club. I made the unfortunate choice to sit in the front, again, _alone_. The opening comedienne outed me in the middle of her set and took the piss out of me in front of everyone. At one point, someone in the crowd yelled "leave him alone." It sounds bad, but it wasn't that bad. I love comedy even if it's a bit "mean-spirited," and I can laugh at myself, so I just sat there arms-crossed with a stupid smile on my face. Then Greg Giraldo came out and at one point, he looked at me, and asked, "Are you hear alone!?" before going to work on me but in a more merciful way than the comedienne. Was a great night to be a punching bag. And not very many people can say that Giraldo roasted them before he died, so I'm cool. Looking back, I only get mad at myself that I didn't have the courage to say, "Yeah...I'm kind of an *******. All my friends hate me" or something funnier like that when Giraldo asked me that question.



TimeToBegin said:


> In middle school I used to hate waiting for the bus because there'd be at least 8 other kids in the bus stop. So I'd always stand far away from them. In the winter it would get very cold, snowy, and windy but I still could not make myself to take shelter in the bus stop, I'd just be standing by myself out on the sidewalk and I would hear them all making fun of me for being so stupid and not going to sit with them where it was warmer.
> 
> I pity myself when I think about it.
> 
> Another time, I used to work as a hostess at a restaurant and this couple walked in so I went up to them to get them seated and everything, and I'm not exaggerating about what I'm going to say, the first thing that came out of my mouth was a long sentence of stuttering gibberish. It wasn't like "Hi, how are y-you? Do you need a t-table for two?" or something, no, I _wish_ it was that. What I said was something that resembled "hi howhrf yrmret gjkrthh tbnkdnt bsjkdfj mndvherh erg".
> 
> They stood there staring at me like I was stupid. It was so damn embarrassing I literally covered my mouth with my hand and said sorry, then tried again. LOLLLLLLLL


Hilarious!


----------



## citizen_erased

I tend to apologize for things way too much, even things that aren't my fault. I even apologize for apologizing too much. It's a no win situation for me cos i feel like i _should_ apologize and i can't help but feel anxious if i don't, but then i feel awkward and embarrassed when i do. :um


----------



## i suck at life

TimeToBegin said:


> In middle school I used to hate waiting for the bus because there'd be at least 8 other kids in the bus stop. So I'd always stand far away from them. In the winter it would get very cold, snowy, and windy but I still could not make myself to take shelter in the bus stop, I'd just be standing by myself out on the sidewalk and I would hear them all making fun of me for being so stupid and not going to sit with them where it was warmer.
> 
> I pity myself when I think about it.
> 
> Another time, I used to work as a hostess at a restaurant and this couple walked in so I went up to them to get them seated and everything, and I'm not exaggerating about what I'm going to say, the first thing that came out of my mouth was a long sentence of stuttering gibberish. It wasn't like "Hi, how are y-you? Do you need a t-table for two?" or something, no, I _wish_ it was that. What I said was something that resembled "hi howhrf yrmret gjkrthh tbnkdnt bsjkdfj mndvherh erg".
> 
> They stood there staring at me like I was stupid. It was so damn embarrassing I literally covered my mouth with my hand and said sorry, then tried again. LOLLLLLLLL


hahahahaha omg! ive done the same thing!!! ironically the hostess caught me off guard as i was leaving. she said something along the lines of "bye thanks for coming" i was kinda shocked and wasnt expecting that cuz she was in some hidden corner lol, so i just looked at her and mouthed some jibberish. sounds didnt actually come out of my mouth tho. it was more of silence with my mouth moving lol. my brain didnt give me the words in time


----------



## i suck at life

i went to the dentist office recently and i was too shy, embarrassed to raise my left hand to let them know i was in pain, so i took the pain lol


----------



## Seaplane

When I was working at the local grocery store, there was this girl that I really envied and for some reason I thought she didn't like me. I was in the break room alone (I usually ate outside on the bench with my shades and headphones on, but that day I decided to brave the break room...) and she came up and sat in front of me. I was so nervous I started sweating, and then trying really hard not to laugh (I laugh when I'm nervous). Because I was trying hard not to laugh, I was holding back a smile, which kind of looked like I was having a stroke or something. Lol. Eventually I cracked up laughing and couldn't stop. She gave me the weirdest look, got up, and left. 

I felt SO stupid and then I REALLY thought she hated me. Haha.


----------



## MrBlack

Seaplane said:


> When I was working at the local grocery store, there was this girl that I really envied and for some reason I thought she didn't like me. I was in the break room alone (I usually ate outside on the bench with my shades and headphones on, but that day I decided to brave the break room...) and she came up and sat in front of me. I was so nervous I started sweating, and then trying really hard not to laugh (I laugh when I'm nervous). Because I was trying hard not to laugh, I was holding back a smile, which kind of looked like I was having a stroke or something. Lol. Eventually I cracked up laughing and couldn't stop. She gave me the weirdest look, got up, and left.
> 
> I felt SO stupid and then I REALLY thought she hated me. Haha.


Hahaha, sounds like you have a good time when you're nervous :teeth


----------



## Greyiron

I would skip lunch and snacks and even fast until I get home just to avoid the people and cashiers in a grocery or cafeteria.
Whenever I see a group of people along the hallway, I would turn around and choose the longer path to go to my wanted destination.
I rarely go to the library because you know- there are people there.
When someone knocks into the door i would either:
A. Wear my headphones and pretend that I am listening to music.
B. Go to the toilet and pretend to take a dump.
C. Fake a sleep.


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## Greyiron

O.When someone calls me by phone, I would go into a panic stage and immediately turn it off.
O. I would skip lunch whenever a visitor or a relative of us is joining in.
O. I cant study and read a book even I badly want to because I am anxious that other people would find me to be a smart-wanna be or nerd-wanna be, and so on.
O. When I was at the 2nd grade, I was so shy to tell my teacher to go into the toilet, so instead, I ended up peeing in my chair. LUCKY for me I had my orange juice in a bottle so I pretended that I was going to drink and it all pours on the floor. Yeah.
O. I once tried to recite in class participation and I ended up shaking vigorously afterwards.
O. When I was a freshman at highschool, I had a very dizzy migraine and I was so shy to tell my teacher that I badly need to vomit at the toilet so I ended up holding and pulling back the vomit to my stomach which is very gross.


----------



## coniconon

Greyiron said:


> O. When I was a freshman at highschool, I had a very dizzy migraine and I was so shy to tell my teacher that I badly need to vomit at the toilet so I ended up holding and pulling back the vomit to my stomach which is very gross.


I did that when i was like 11, it was in gym class, i felt sick but pulled back the vomit, omg... :no


----------



## coniconon

On my first day of university (long time ago) i had lunch with a bunch of girls i just met, we went to Burger King. We were opening our burgers when i realized mine had tomato, and i absolutely hate tomato, but i was too shy to take it from my burger so i ate it and it was so bad, lol.


----------



## skah

i had to go to a presentation night at uni where we all got given certificates for something, i was all dressed up and ready for it, and I walked all the way there (30-45 min walk for me). i walked in the main door, realised i was a bit late/just on time, so all the tables were almost full and i would have had to ask people if i could sit down, so i stood awkwardly at the back pretending to be on my phone, pretended to get a call and go out the back door, pretended to talk on my phone for a few minutes outside (incase someone was for some unknown reason paying any attention to me), pretended to look like something had come up and then left and walked all the way back home (in the dark by this point which was creepy as hell)


----------



## rosecolored

SapphireMeadow said:


> OMG, I just thought of another one. I look at the floor/ground while walking around. I do it while walking around at work, I stair downward at the pavement while walking from one building to another at university, and I've even realized I was looking at the floor at Walmart one time while walking from one department to another. I automatically do it though because it makes me feel less nervous than when I'm looking sleight forward for some reason :/ IDK?


I'm like this too. I used to do it all the time, but now I look straight a lot more.


----------



## RestrictedSoul

Some things I do in school are pretend I'm reading or working during lunch just to look busy to avoid looking like a loner, but rather just a dedicated student. During class if there's extra talk time, I'll look through my backpack for nothing in particular just to look busy too. I never raise my hand in class or give commentary. During lunch break, to past the time, I'll sometimes wander around the school to make it look like I'm going somewhere when I'm really not and take measures to avoid passing by the same people twice. Sometimes if I'm in a bathroom stall and other people come into the bathroom, I'll wait until I hear them leave before I exit the stall. I laugh a lot and dart my eyes around sometimes out of nervousness. I avoid school parties, and the ones that I have to go to, I try to find a way to leave early through some excuse like fake doctor's appointments. Sometimes if I know in advance we won't be doing much in a class, I'll tell my mom to come pick me up during that time, so I can avoid "social hour". Sometimes I'll make up stories and lie when asked questions about what I did over the weekend "Yeah, I hung out with some friends at the park." I don't do that as much anymore as I did when I was younger, because I don't like lying to people. Now I'll usually say something vague like "Relaxed." or "Got some work done." If I'm waiting for my mom while she's at the store, I'll pretend to talk to someone on the phone just to look busy and not awkwardly wait there in the car. Sometimes I wait precisely because I'm feeling too self-conscious to enter the store. I wear pants almost every day even though I live in a hot climate because I'm so self-conscious about my pale legs since people made fun of me for them back in middle school. Also, back in middle school, at lunch, I sat all by myself and didn't eat for 45 minutes in the lunchroom. That was torture and led to some bullying from others during lunch. Just in general, all the stupid things I say when I'm anxious, how awkward I get, how I lose myself basically and can't relax... :/


----------



## calichick

If there's a hot guy coming towards me, I'll pretend like I forgot something and turn around.

Most of my anxiety comes around men I find attractive. I'll intentionally avoid them, avoid talking to them, avoid looking at them directly in the eyes, avoid asking them something.

FML.


----------



## blueidealist26

harajuku candy said:


> I'm like this too. I used to do it all the time, but now I look straight a lot more.


I used to do this until it was pointed out to me when I was around 12, and I was told that it made me look non-confident, so I started walking head-up purposely, even when I wasn't confident lol.


----------



## EnergeticSoul

Everyday in Junior High onthrough until I graduated High School I would unpredictably drop down and do pushups just because I would feel like it. I would do it in the middle of class when I had nothing to do, in the lunchroom, as I was waiting for the school bus before or after school, I had no limits. I would even try to encourage others to join me in the activity and would hold myself back as to avoid making anybody feel bad. Had I actually tried, I'd be doing over 100 at a time come my Senior year. Yeah, nobody really knew what to think of that.

I just had nobody to really talk to so I was perceived as a loner. I just didn't like being treated poorly or being misunderstood. So I sort of just tuned everybody out and was kinda in my own little world.


----------



## Awkto Awktavious

I do laundry at like 1am on Fridays or Saturdays.


----------



## villadb

Today I went for lunch in a cafe that I didn't realise only took cash. The girl said that the shop next door had an ATM, so I went in and couldn't find it and didnt have the balls to ask where it was, so I walked to the bank and then back through the shop to the cafe so it looked like I had found the ATM and got the money from there.


----------



## hiddenmess

Hi Hiddenmess here..looking at me no one would ever know....I am the youngest of 4, my sisters and i are all a year apart, like steps, so they were my bestfriends. I remember the year the sister a year older than myself graduated. I was lost and terrified. I skipped school alot, couldnt handle the pressure of having to be social with anyone. I always had this look about me that i purposely aquired to keep people intimidated or afaid to approach me in anyway. So when i was in school, i was almost invisable, not in the way that no one saw me but in the way that they new better than to approach me unless it was truly neccessary.When in school, i had sme friends mostly little sisters of my older sisters friends, so i could hang out with them. But i was mostly seen not heard. Something that i find i still do today. I am kind and freindly when spoken to, but you would have to get past the outter shell, and most dont even try. I've been with the same medical practice for 15 years, and still do not socialize outside of the office with anyone. It has got to the point that everyone has stopped inviting me places, because i would not show up or i would show up right as the event ended.I tell myself i like it this way, but than i realize that i dont, i just dont know how to change it. Does anyone feel trapped within themselves?


----------



## Pierre1

I scratch my noes and look through people when I'm really nervous/anxious.


----------



## bluegc8

My nose twitches and my lips quiver sometimes when I'm talking to people. When I use to have a gf, I would be afraid to go eat in restuarants so she'd go in and order take out and we would eat in the car. I go out late at night to fill my car up for gas because there's less people there.


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## Nicole G

I always have to be early for things, whether its class, work, or an appointment etc. I can't stand being late and having people watch me come in late. Also when I take the bus I try to be early enough for it so I don't have to look funny chasing after it and I'll get my money ready and I will keep counting it to make sure it's the exact change. Not just for the bus but with buying my daily coffee and I know the exact price, I will get it ready before hand and keep counting it as well. I am sure there is a lot of other things too just can't think of them now. lol


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## thecrazy88

harajuku candy said:


> I'm like this too. I used to do it all the time, but now I look straight a lot more.


Me, too. I can go a whole day not really looking at anybody's face, I gues this is why I have so much trouble remembering faces.


----------



## the patient

where do i begin? 

most of it is wondering to the back of a large group, or a room, or anywhere socialization is forced (like school, for instance), hoping no one acknowledges my presence.


----------



## Fleurs

The only thing I can think of right now is when I was in the 11th grade I didn't talk to anyone in my class before lunch so I never went to the cafeteria. I stood outside of my classroom door until lunch was over and could go back inside the classroom.


----------



## cosmicslop

i used to say the whole "you too' thing aromatically when responding to something somebody said to me because i don't know how to end our interaction. 'hope everything goes well for you at the doctor.' ' you too.' i used to be embarrassed by it, but i don't care anymore. i think their reactions are hilarious.

i don't do anything that weird anymore. i think i feign normalcy decently until i have to go to a secluded area, restroom, or car to cry for being overwhelmed that it takes so much energy to act normal. i mostly do that now. i guess that's weird.


----------



## sebastian1

I put off getting a hair cut for as long as I can stand the bird's nest growing on my head. Sitting down to get a hair cut is torture for me. You know, having to make small talk and pretending that all is well in my life.


----------



## Nicole G

sebastian1 said:


> I put off getting a hair cut for as long as I can stand the bird's nest growing on my head. Sitting down to get a hair cut is torture for me. You know, having to make small talk and pretending that all is well in my life.


 I know what you mean. I have a hard time making small talk with strangers and sometimes I just don't want it. Luckily I do have a hair dresser who knows I am a quiet person but it's still hard going and having to think of things to say. Also, I have a dentist appointment coming up and they usually try to make small talk right before cleaning. Watch me get the question "so what have you done this summer?" me, "umm not too much" Just worried that they'll think my life is boring and I don't do anything exciting which is probably true but still. lol


----------



## jimity

sebastian1 said:


> I put off getting a hair cut for as long as I can stand the bird's nest growing on my head. Sitting down to get a hair cut is torture for me. You know, having to make small talk and pretending that all is well in my life.


My mother cuts my hair since age 16 or thereabouts because I was too scared to get my hair cut at the shop. The first time I showed up with a haircut my mother done at school I got picked on and punched and laughed at. Then I didn't have a haircut for around 2 years. I looked ridiculous in photos then finally went and had a decent haircut. This was when I was 18. That was the last time I went for a haircut atthe shop and now I just cut my own hair and get my mother to fix it up. Nobody laughs or anything. Though one time at work every single person laughed when I showed up with my new haircut. Pretty embarrassing but I get used to it.


----------



## prettypony

In junior high, I was too scared to eat or be around other people, so since I had spanish class before lunch, I would always ask her for help so I wouldnt have to be in the cafeteria. In high school, I would go to the bathroom during lunch instead. During my gym class we did nothing most of the time, so I always went to the library or sat outside the room to read. And since I did this a lot, I often read the same book over and over agan lol. Someone even asked me before "Havent you read that book already?". I often find myself staring at the floor when I walk. At school I would pretend to understand my work, even though most times i didnt, instead of asking for help. Whenever theres a family gathering, me and my sister always run off to an isolated room and play Xbox haha. One time in high school, about half my grade had to sit in the cafeteria for 2 1/2 hours because the rest of the grade was testing. There was everyone sitting with their little friends/groups, and I didn't have any so I stayed in the bathroom. I later got in trouble for not being there, so I lied and said I was really sick.


----------



## Tom90

I didn't wanna stay after school (for the teacher parent conferences) all alone with kids I don't know for 15 minutes while my mom drove there, so instead of waiting for my mom to show up I took the bus home, told my mom i forgot she was coming and stood outside my house in 20 degree weather for an hour while I waited for my mom because at the time I didn't have a key.


----------



## Nicole G

jimity said:


> My mother cuts my hair since age 16 or thereabouts because I was too scared to get my hair cut at the shop. The first time I showed up with a haircut my mother done at school I got picked on and punched and laughed at. Then I didn't have a haircut for around 2 years. I looked ridiculous in photos then finally went and had a decent haircut. This was when I was 18. That was the last time I went for a haircut atthe shop and now I just cut my own hair and get my mother to fix it up. Nobody laughs or anything. Though one time at work every single person laughed when I showed up with my new haircut. Pretty embarrassing but I get used to it.


 It's awful how people still laugh and tease about certain things. You got to try to not let it get to you and just know it's what people do sometimes. Doesn't mean they are trying to hurt your feelings, it's just their first reactions, it's still rude though.


----------



## BabyBlue123

I remember once I left a party without my shoes because I didn't want to walk through a huge crowd of people and have to say goodbye to everyone, I just wanted to be invisible, basically having a panic attack, so I went out the side door. Luckily I only lived a few blocks away, it was summer, and my friend who was at the party brought my shoes to me later on. But ****ing embarrassing nonetheless.


----------



## Gully

Ha, reading some of this stuff so reminds me of me.

I used to avoid eating at the school cafeteria because I was nervous around people, so nervous I'd blush and sweat. I'd walk my *** 3 blocks away just to get some food elsewhere.

I would always not attend family dinners and get togethers as my sad was so bad.

I remember I joined the chess club in high school so I could avoid having to diddle daddle and avoid folks on my lunch breaks.

I remember I ate peanut butter and water for 3 days because I was too freaked out to go out and get groceries.

Man, I laugh now lol, some of this **** is cringe worthy.


----------



## peytonfarquar

Every now and then I get scratch off lottery tickets from relatives during a holiday or birthday gathering. This one Thanksgiving I actually won $50 from a Bingo ticket! Kept putting off cashing it in because I had never cashed in a winning ticket before. I have to know how a system works before going into it myself. Always gave them to other people to cash in with their winning tickets. Put it off for about a month before finally cashing it in. Transaction went fine. The $50 almost wasn't even worth the anxiety it had caused, though!! If it would have been $2, $5, $10 ,or $20 I wonder if I would have even bothered.

Still my favorite thread of all time on any forum I have frequented. Read through the entire thread a few times a couple years back and have not forgotten some of the posts. Probably time for a re-read. Looks like the topic has been fairly active in the year or so I've been away.


----------



## teuton

-- When I was younger the hottest girl from high school came to me and grabbed my hand. I panicked and told her that I have a girlfriend and she left 

-- In high school too, I had a girlfriend and when I came to school I was so panicked, she always waited me on the corridors, I just kissed her and move away fast without saying nothing  Forgot how we split it up because I don't said a word.

-- Many girls in high school asked me out and I always refused or told them I don't like them because I was too scared 

-- For the present : Sometimes at my workplace I walk side by side with a colleague and both muted.

-- Don't know why, but always my happiest moment of the day is when I go to bed, seems like I like to sleep  Good Night !


----------



## peytonfarquar

For the last four months or so the taglight on my car went out. It is something electrical, not as easy as just changing the lightbulb; we tried that at the oil change place. I hate taking my car in to be fixed because I have to be assertive. So I have been driving around without a taglight for four months now, keep putting it off. With winter being here, this has become a larger problem, for I don't drive at night for fear of being pulled over for not having a taglight. I can only run errands in the day time. Even one of my friends noticed I am more couped up than usual. Without going into the tenets of anxiety I simply told her my taglight was out.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Pretend we don't have SA and cause even more SA.


----------



## social worker

Sometimes if someone's driving by my house and I'm outside, I'll hide in the carport until they go by so I don't have to wave at them...so stupid...


----------



## chompers

pretend i'm not home so the landlord wont know i'm home :S


----------



## peytonfarquar

I bought a car years ago (the only way I could really pull it off without my inner critic going wild was Klonopin). Recently this car became part of a large recall program by GM for ignition problems. I have never had problems like this with my car. I get mail now and again about the recall saying take it to this nearest GM dealer for a free inspection, just call us and we will set things up from there, but I never have. Sometimes my SA gets in the way of my safety.


----------



## Katherine114

I skipped eating lunch and just hid in the bathroom. And whenever I had a class where we had to do presentations or anything in front of the class, I would skip and hide out in the bathroom.


----------



## rdrr

Hiding from people, in public places


----------



## BlueDay

peytonfarquar said:


> I bought a car years ago (the only way I could really pull it off without my inner critic going wild was Klonopin). Recently this car became part of a large recall program by GM for ignition problems. I have never had problems like this with my car. I get mail now and again about the recall saying take it to this nearest GM dealer for a free inspection, just call us and we will set things up from there, but I never have. Sometimes my SA gets in the way of my safety.


lol. I also ignored a recall on my car, but it was only for a ptential "seat adjustment" problem. If it were the ignition, I'd probably force myself and so should you!


----------



## Psychedilio

- I giggle a lot as a nervous reaction because I have to stall for time while thinking of something to say

- I can't sing/dance in front of other people (unless alcohol is involved, and even then I won't dance too outrageously and still refuse to sing)

- It's nearly impossible to make and answer phone calls with other people in the same room listening in on the conversation

These are just some of the quirks that come along with SA, I guess.


----------



## Barakiel

This is probably my favorite thread in the recovery forums. 

Back in high school...

After being told to have a good christmas break by one of my teachers, I just said "okay" cause my mind went blank. I still cringe thinking about that.

Skipping lunch and going to the library, only to notice one of my teachers in there, so I crouched behind some bookshelves and hoped he didn't see me.

Sitting at a table with some really obnoxious folks because that was the first table I found when the school year started, so I was stuck there. I just played with my phone or read a book and usually they'd leave me alone, though sometimes I got caught in the middle of their food fights.

and of course working on my own after the class was told to get into groups and desperately hoping the teacher didn't notice me working alone. ughjnt


----------



## Barakiel

Hoping to go for a walk, only to retreat back to my house once I see my neighbors outside.

and I once had online friends that didn't care much for me and would most likely humiliate me if given the chance, but I kept hanging out with them cause I was desperate for some social interaction.


----------



## Charleyy

Didn't get my dad a card or say anything to him on his birthday because I don't know?!?!  I guess cause I'm an idiot!!  I find those things _really_ awkward so I ended up overthinking about what to do, ran out of time, and therefore did nothing 

He now hates me


----------



## mattmc

Charleyy said:


> Didn't get my dad a card or say anything to him on his birthday because I don't know?!?!  I guess cause I'm an idiot!!  I find those things _really_ awkward so I ended up overthinking about what to do, ran out of time, and therefore did nothing
> 
> He now hates me


Sometimes we disappoint the people we're closest too. I once didn't go to a friend's birthday because I was anxious thinking about his other friends being there. But, especially when it's your parent, there is time to make it up. Like for Father's Day you could send him a card. Just write Happy Father's Day and then Love, [your name]. A gift would be nice too if you have money. Could be something simple. Buying gifts is hard but it's the thought that counts.


----------



## Charleyy

mattmc said:


> Sometimes we disappoint the people we're closest too. I once didn't go to a friend's birthday because I was anxious thinking about his other friends being there. But, especially when it's your parent, there is time to make it up. Like for Father's Day you could send him a card. Just write Happy Father's Day and then Love, [your name]. A gift would be nice too if you have money. Could be something simple. Buying gifts is hard but it's the thought that counts.


I'm tried to make it up by explaining why I didn't do anything for him but I don't think he understands/cares about my SA.

Yours is a good idea, though. Thanks.  No doubt I'll hate every second of it. Feel sick just thinking about Father's day...especially now that it's become a big deal.

_But _apparently this stuff means a lot to parents so I'll have to grin and bear it. Avoiding the situation and ending up with nothing again would not go down well at all!


----------



## mattmc

Charleyy said:


> I'm tried to make it up by explaining why I didn't do anything for him but I don't think he understands/cares about my SA.
> 
> Yours is a good idea, though. Thanks.  No doubt I'll hate every second of it. Feel sick just thinking about Father's day...especially now that it's become a big deal.
> 
> _But _apparently this stuff means a lot to parents so I'll have to grin and bear it. Avoiding the situation and ending up with nothing again would not go down well at all!


If you're artistic you could make a card. Like draw a cute character on it and come up with some cheesy pun to go with it. Just another idea.

I tend to put these things off too. It's hard to come up with the write thing to say, buy, etc. But if you do it you're dad will probably be very happy.


----------



## Charleyy

mattmc said:


> If you're artistic you could make a card. Like draw a cute character on it and come up with some cheesy pun to go with it. Just another idea.
> 
> I tend to put these things off too. It's hard to come up with the write thing to say, buy, etc. But if you do it you're dad will probably be very happy.


I think I'll probably write a little apology in the card too.  Hmm. I have a little brother who could help me out with the artistic side!

Yeah, my dad would be pleased and in the long run I think that's worth putting myself through a bit of stress about giving gifts/buying the right thing/general awkwardness.

Thanks for your help. ;w; I feel less hopeless about my mistake now.


----------



## mattmc

Charleyy said:


> I think I'll probably write a little apology in the card too.  Hmm. I have a little brother who could help me out with the artistic side!
> 
> Yeah, my dad would be pleased and in the long run I think that's worth putting myself through a bit of stress about giving gifts/buying the right thing/general awkwardness.
> 
> Thanks for your help. ;w; I feel less hopeless about my mistake now.


You're welcome. 

And everybody makes mistakes. I make thousands. Tens of thousands probably lol.


----------



## avicus0919

When I order food and the server gets it wrong I just pay anyway. Even though I don't want to


----------



## avicus0919

In secondary school, I would sit apart from my classmates, during recess, just close enough to hear what they were talking about, but far enough so they would not notice me. Basically eavesdropping.It's really weird and antisocial now that I think about it, but I did do it quite frequently back then... I think there were a few times where they saw me eavesdropping and gave me a weird look and just moved on.

The consolation? I wasn't the only awkward kid. There was one other kid who was slightly(?) more socially awkward than me. He would go up and talk to the teacher during class when she gave us assignments.. because he couldn't talk to anyone from the class without being made fun of. After a few times of this the teacher got irritated and told him to go sit down.. I remember feeling pretty embarassed for him then, but know thinking back it was kinda funny.


----------



## Phoenix92

Get the hell out of wherever I happen to be if I see someone I know just to avoid a conversation or them recognizing me. I hate it when I do this.


----------



## Pierre1

Lying to people that you went out with friends when you didn't.


----------



## KatieR

I can recall doing similar things. I think us with SA tend to participate as much as we can (even though we may not actually be doing so) to avoid the judgement and question of others, but will do everything to actually avoid the situations without people knowing. 

It's a difficult cycle where we're conflicted with, with the need to socialize and mesh with others, but our own thoughts hold us back.


----------



## Aeiou

- hesitate/procrastinate decisions and phone calls to people I don't know (to doctors, authorities in general, work related calls..)

- avoid places where there is a big crowd

- do not answer when someone rings my doorbell (most of the times)

- avoid eye contact both with random strangers and sadly also with people I am talking to (and I am scared they could have the impression I don't care or I have bad manners), if I don't know them well

- can't eat alone in a bar/restaurant so, when I am out all alone I just buy a slice of pizza or an ice-cream and I eat it while walking/on a bench in the park

- I like to have long walks in the countryside, but I don't like to meet people. So, sometimes I avoid to do what I like best for this stupid fear (for ex., I avoid walks on Sundays). For the same reason, while going to work on foot, I use to call my mum or a friend. I know it's no good to spend a lot of time with your ear glued to the phone, but it makes me feel somehow protected/I am distracted from anxiety.

Jeez, this SA is crippling!


----------



## peytonfarquar

When I buy something online I usually don't tell anyone that I did until the item arrives, because if the item were to get lost in transit or some screw-up or rip-off I don't want to see them see me doing nothing about it. I hardly ever return any item or speak up when a restaurant gets my order wrong or take any action when a package gets lost in the mail coming to me or going away from me. Buying and selling things to make ends meet online, I have had this happen to me on both sides and have usually just eaten the cost every time rather than speak up. Some of these have been for no small amount, either.


----------



## quesara

-I mutter under my breath after uncomfortable situations (out of earshot), "oh my god." etc.

-Write out a "script" before making a phone call when I know I'll have to talk a lot.

-Usually don't answer my door unless I know who is at it.

-Fidget. A lot. All the time.

-I hold my breath or take really shallow breaths when I'm anywhere that isn't home or my car, so I have to periodically take deep breaths to keep from passing out.

-Sometimes when I walk alone through large crowds, or just down a busy sidewalk, my eyes water.

-I take a lot of "mental health days," though I can't tell my boss that, so I fake illnesses. I'm sure people at work think I'm in quite poor physical health (I'm not) and have a chronic migraine condition (I don't.)

-I did a lot of weird **** when I was in school, but the worst was that I'd frequently ditch school by walking to the nearby park instead of school, loiter there until I was confident that my parents had left the house, and then walk back home and hang out by myself all day.


----------



## ApathyDivine

When I'm about to walk out of a store and see people about to walk in, I hold back and pretend to be putting money in my pocket or I take my phone out and check it.


----------



## SouthWest

- I can't be seen doing nothing in public. I pretend to be using my phone more than I actually use my phone.

- Eating while walking to avoid sitting alone in a cafe or on a public bench.

- I have mastered the fake smile.

- I blush and overheat when peoples attention is fixed on me.

- Looking at the ground while walking to avoid eye contact.


----------



## CosmicLow

When i used to go out and some friends meet in the way i used to tell them, "gotta return the CD's".. lol


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Ignore people you like.


----------



## Fangirl96

- I ate my school lunch in a disabled toilet for my last 3 years of high school because i refused to eat in the cafeteria. It wasn't that bad though, the toilet was in an extremly calm building with barely any students, so it was always fresh and there was even a giant windowsill inside to sit on. I also used to eat my lunch on buses most of the time aswell.

In my younger teens when i went to a different school, i used to avoid the cafeteria every time my friend was sick. I used to go and buy something at the nearby grocery store, and then i would awkwardly stand behind the store in the little shed with the trollys and eat my lunch there. 
I have a big problem with eating infront of people, so i have eaten in some really weird places just to avoid it. Random stairways, parking houses, train stations, empty clothing stores, hiding behind bushes...i have issues.

- I have often taken an hour earlier bus just to avoid the really busy one that would suit my schedule. When i was 16, i did it because i once almost vomited on the busy one. That scared me, so i began taking the one at 6am, and i had to stand outside the mall in the middle of the winter and wait for it to open at 7am because it was the only place i could get some warmth. It was actually a bit scary since the streets were dead at that time and i'm just a tiny lonely girl. But then i went back to normal buses up until autumn last year. I had to get off the bus at a really random stop, and the bus was full of people and everyone stared at me. So i started taking the earlier bus again just so i could travel from the opposite direction and not be weird for getting off the bus there. I did that once a week for a year and it was hell.


----------



## Perspicacious

Skipped school whenever too nervous by sleeping in the car.


----------



## yourstruly231

I had a similar situation .. 

Last year everyday I left school I was to afraid to walk part-way home by myself so since my acquaintances walk in the same direction as me when I leave school I would follow them until they were walking home. :tiptoe Sometimes they would go to the store and I would hang around with them and come home late. Other times they don't realize I'm there. Who knows what they might of thought of me. :lurk So embarrassing. I would even hear them say right infront of me, "why is she following us, doesn't she even talk to us" really sometimes I feel like a complete ... I don't know..


----------



## Ape

Spend 99% of my time at home.


----------



## eukz

I once suspended my semester at collegue and didn't tell anyone.


----------



## Nisus

When I'm getting too late to a class at the uni, I just skip it, because I can't stand all the classroom looking at me.
And when I skipped too many classes, I just skip the whole course that semester, because otherwise I'll have to ask someone about the bibliography, the exam, ask to join a group (where everyone already knows each other), etc.


----------



## Fangirl96

Nisus said:


> When I'm getting too late to a class at the uni, I just skip it, because I can't stand all the classroom looking at me.
> And when I skipped too many classes, I just skip the whole course that semester, because otherwise I'll have to ask someone about the bibliography, the exam, ask to join a group (where everyone already knows each other), etc.


Omg yes i did the same thing. I always had to be one of the first people to get into the classroom because i would rather miss class than have everyone staring at me.

I used to skip entire courses aswell if i had a teacher who was really into doing group projects and presentations all the time. Ya know, social stuff.
I'm so annoyed that i got one of those teachers last year in a subject that i'm really good at. I had gotten a B in that subject the year before (which is an insanely good grade for me), so i was so *****ing proud to be smart enough to study the hardest course possible in that subject this year. But then i got one of those horrible teachers, and i stopped going to her classes after like 3 months. I was told that i would've been good enough to get a good grade if i went there, but i just couldn't bring myself there. Anxiety ruins so much. Fml.


----------



## thetown

I sometimes walk around the hallways aimlessly so that I could avoid certain classrooms with certain people

Arriving to class right before the bell rings to avoid being the first few people there

Waiting until someone turns their work in before I get up and do the same

Totally avoided the girl that I liked the entire year


----------



## Beast And The Harlot

I act like fictional characters as a coping mechanism...


----------



## Penguinfan

I act like I never saw someone I know if I see them in public.


----------



## AllieG

My voice gets extremely quiet to the point where I don't think the other person heard me when I greet/thank someone I don't know well.


----------



## theinsomniac

When I'm traveling on airplanes or by bus, I hate going to the bathroom because I'm worried about the potential awkwardness of not being able to find it or finding it and realizing someone's using it so I have to awkwardly stand there while everyone stares at me while I wait for the other person to be finished. So if I ever need to go, I hold it for hours until I feel like I physically cannot any longer. I've had pretty embarrassing experiences with it too. 

Like this one time I was traveling a long distance by bus and I had to go use the bathroom. I freaked out because I was worried I wouldn't be able to open the bathroom door (since the bathrooms in these buses don't have a typical door handle. it's one of those weird twist and pull or push combination ones..you know what I mean?) and then I would look so retarded in front of everyone. Well blame Murphy's law because I was so nervous that my hands got so sweaty that by the time I couldn't hold it anymore and went to the bathroom, my exact fear ended up coming true. My sweaty hands couldn't properly grip the door handle and I couldn't open the door. The people sitting by the bathroom entrance just stared at me as if I were an idiot. My friend had to come help me like I was a 5 year old. I was so ashamed I thought I would die. 

Who else would think so much about using a dang bathroom besides an SAer?


----------



## StageStar

I sat in the library and hid my lunch in my lap so I wouldn't get told off for eating in there. 


I would sit in toilet cubicles and read my book/play games on my phone sometimes for the entire hour. If someone came in and stayed for ages I had to be super quiet so nobody knew I was in there for that long.



I took the long route around school to avoid bumping into people who didn't like me. 



If I was the first to arrive for a lesson, I would do another quick round of the building so someone else was there when I got back. 



When I lived in a shared house, I would wait for my housemates to either go out or be in the bathroom to leave my own room. When I left in the morning, I waited for them to be in the shower or have their hairdryers on so I didn't have to shout goodbye. I timed my own morning routine so I had everything done before them, so I wouldn't have to stress out waiting for them to get out. 



Once when I lived in a shared house I had a terrible migraine and felt very sick. My housemate had a friend over and she was in the shower. We only had one bathroom and I needed to throw up. So instead of knocking on the door and asking her to get out, I grabbed our washing up bowl and threw up in there. I couldn't face having to wash it out afterwards, so we mysteriously 'lost' a washing up bowl after that.


----------



## oku

Thinking my cat also have SA.


----------



## saperson

Saying really weird **** during conversations.
Isolating myself, even though I want to be with people.
Refusing all help from other people.
Inappropriately staring at females.


----------



## namaste34

Spending in the school bathroom for a longer time so I could avoid hallways and bumping into familiar people during lunch time. 

Turning down lunch invites from people in my class to tell that I have to study when in fact I'll just sleep in the library.

I didn't know hiding in the bathroom was a classic and universal thing lol
I thought I was the only one doing it


----------



## Runningdogz

This is probably just me but not getting on the bus because you think your going to have to sit next to someone.


----------



## Chris777

oku said:


> Thinking my cat also have SA.


lol :grin2:


----------



## 2Milk

Skipping my bus stop because I was too afraid to tell the guy sitting next to me to "excuse me". 

Again skipping my bus stop because the driver forgot to open the backdoor. 

Missing the bus because I was too embarrassed to run and catch it before it left. 

Ignoring people that say " Hi" or "hello" to me because I just couldn't get the courage to respond. 

Ditching some classes in high school and going to the park instead, all alone. 

Walking the hallways during lunch or sitting under the stairs in order to not be seen eating alone. 

Peeing in empty bottles because I didn't want to get out of my room and talk to the people in the living room. 

Doing my assignment and then telling my professor that I didnt do it at the last minute because I didn't want to present. 

During summer break I would get on the bus and just ride around town heading nowhere just to keep myself busy because I had no friends. 

Stuck my finger down my throat a couple of times so my mom would let me stay home during very social events at school (Assemblies, presentations etc...)

I can go on forever.....


----------



## digmeup

I am probably the most awkward and rude person ever and I'm not doing it on purpose! o'_'o 

In the hallways at school, I pretend to be deep in thought and distracted so I don't have to say hi to people when I walk past them. I take the long way or hang back after class when I know I'm going to run into someone. Sometimes I just wave and if they ask me "how are you?" I ignore them and pretend I didn't hear them. Rude, right?

I also cannot handle being in groups of people. I am so quiet that it's like I'm not there. Usually when I'm forced to be in a group, I just walk away when they don't notice. I wait for them to get distracted, then I turn the corner and just run away. I don't say goodbye or anything. I just hope they don't notice me leave. (One time I got caught leaving and when the people asked me where I was going, I couldn't really talk so I just closed the door and left). I do it every time I get the chance. I'm getting better about it though. I force myself to stay no matter how bad the urge to leave is. I'm getting over it now.

If a there's a guest in our house and I need to get a drink of water or something, I wait until they leave. If someone comes to the door I dash to my room. But I'm also getting better about it. I can answer the door now.

I also always pretend to get distracted or really interested in something to avoid others or having to make conversation. Sometimes I pretend I can't hear people so I don't have to talk.

Most people with SA do this, but I don't ever leave the class (even to avoid group work/presentations or go to the bathroom/get a drink) because I'm more worried about making a scene of myself. I also don't want to have to ask another classmate for the notes I missed out on and stuff. With group work, I don't participate or share anything. If they ask me if I have any ideas, I shake my head no even if I do. 

I sit in a deserted hallway and avoid eye contact during lunch. I sit in the library, hide in the bathroom, or roam the halls to waste time.I have no friends, usually go the whole day without talking.

Basically the only social interaction I get is at school. I never make plans after school, or make excuses to avoid plans.


----------



## Monkeygirl

I think too much about sad things or things I regret so I sometimes have a depressed look in my face forgetting that I'm around friends and they ask if I'm alright and are nosy about what i'm thinking about.


----------



## Xisha

Avoiding eye contact with people that were clearly trying to find a way to start a conversation with me then beating myself up about it because I actually did want to talk to them.

Taking the back routes that are longer so I don't have to bump into anyone.

Thinking of 99 different ways a situation could go wrong and of 1 way it could go right then picking the worst.

Avoid crowded aisles even if the only thing I need is there.

Avoid places where people I know work. Once someone works there, it's ruined for me.


----------



## Idontgetit

I nod a lot to avoid saying things in conversation


----------



## Monkeygirl

I pretend I don't see a person so I let them say hi first. Im too paranoid they might forget who I am and ill end up embarrassing myself or they won't say hi at all.


----------



## slowlyimproving

Avoid people that I know, avoid people that I don't know.


----------



## peytonfarquar

Literally just got a letter in the mail from the dealership I bought my car from saying they can pay 110% of KBB value because they have a specific customer that wants to buy an '09 Cobalt. Now, I know that could be just a sales pitch (I wasn't born yesterday, but I was born the day before yesterday). _But_ ... at the end it says if no deal is made they will at least give me a free oil change.

Not worth it to me. I have a specific place I get my oil changed, because I know how their system works. I hate trying new things and looking like I don't know what I'm doing. Yes, even getting a free oil change at a different place! *But once I do something once, I can usually do it with little to no problem subsequently.* I just have to know how systems _work_ when in public. I have to know what to _expect_.


----------



## UnusualSuspect

This:








If I can't see them, they can't see me.


----------



## Cletis

Avoiding life.


----------



## citizen_erased

Get paranoid and then anxious that i've upset someone, even when there is no rational reason why i should think this.


----------



## Kulbert

I once went for a school excursion at age 7. Yeah it's one of my earliest painful memories of social anxiety. Didn't eat all through that day just cos I couldn't bring myself to join the queue to collect food. Only when the food was finished did a teacher saw me sitted isolated in a corner. I can still remember how tense I was when the teacher asked if I had eaten. How I wish I wasn't one of the brightest kids in class then no one would have noticed me. I'm 25 now and being a fairly popular guy because of my family's prominence is still the bane of my existence. SAD isn't funny at all when everyone knows you.


----------



## citizen_erased

Not making my boss aware when she made a mistake at work - nothing too big but it did directly affect what I was doing - because I just felt too uncomfortable to say anything.


----------



## 7th.Streeter

Play with my hair 

Suck in my lips 

Put hands in my pocket or begin my back 

Rehearse what I'm gonna say before I say it 

Oh 

And 

Smile like an idiot 😃


----------



## JustThisGuy

- Pace.
- Fidget.
- Talk to myself.
All three because of restlessness.

- Procrastinate. Even on things I enjoy.
- Talk too low/mumble.
- Run out of breath when talking to someone I like really easily.
- Get bored with porn because I look at it so much. I'll go a week bc I've burnt myself out.
- Pretend to be a part of a group convo by standing outside the circle and forcing a smile.
- Count out the ways I'll talk to someone and then fumble it when their "part" of the script goes awry.


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## Pastelic

- Avoiding social situations hiding in the bathroom for hours.
- Pretend to be using my phone to avoid conversations or eye contact.
- Skipping classes and walk around the city aimlessly.
- Pretend I have a social life when I actually spent the weekend at home.


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## Clementin

Glad i found this thread,so good to see om not alone. In a job i had i used to drink everyday at work as i felt ashamed of my slow learning process...cant believe anyone didnt notice..ofcourse i dont do that now. I also take walks in the lunch in my current job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheClown7

Wearing sunglasses even during cloudy days to avoid eye contact.


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## Tomcat123

Really started in middle school, I would avoid hanging out with my friends sometimes by ignoring their calls and making up excuses not to hangout with them. Even went to my granparents so I would not have to.

In high school people stopped asking me as much, but got better, though avoided most social events, at prom I did not dance with my date and was really akward. I mostly just drank soda there. I would also leave school early a lot and skip class sometimes, my parents did not care. As long as I'd did well academically to them it did not matter which I appreciate.

In college, I now have no friends, and now that I am less akward trying to to be more social, it's gotten ironically worse, as no one wants to talk to me or even attempts to.

So basically while I am trying to be more proactive now, it's actually gotten worse and I am even more lonley and depressed because of it.

Weirdest one is at my cousins wedding I hid in the garden and looked at the bumble bees because I did no know what to talk about with anyone. I was 18...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Refmon

Tomcat123 said:


> Really started in middle school, I would avoid hanging out with my friends sometimes by ignoring their calls and making up excuses not to hangout with them. Even went to my granparents so I would not have to.
> 
> In high school people stopped asking me as much, but got better, though avoided most social events, at prom I did not dance with my date and was really akward. I mostly just drank soda there. I would also leave school early a lot and skip class sometimes, my parents did not care. As long as I'd did well academically to them it did not matter which I appreciate.
> 
> In college, I now have no friends, and now that I am less akward trying to to be more social, it's gotten ironically worse, as no one wants to talk to me or even attempts to.
> 
> So basically while I am trying to be more proactive now, it's actually gotten worse and I am even more lonley and depressed because of it.
> 
> Weirdest one is at my cousins wedding I hid in the garden and looked at the bumble bees because I did no know what to talk about with anyone. I was 18...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you me?


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## Tomcat123

Refmon said:


> Are you me?


If your me I feel bad for you. There is a bunch of other stuff I did too, too much to name, like wearing winter clothes in the summer (I eventually stopped that because people would yell at you and I was even forced to go to the nurse one day because of it) and having my headphones on in the hallways to lessen my anxiety of being in school. Still do that one.


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## linzers

Going for a jog as a young teen at night. Bunch of girls I knew from school, also going for jog. Decided to run up behind them and say "HEY LADIES" 
They all started screaming so I kept running really fast so I wouldn't have to run beside them.. So I basically sprinted for 6 blocks in freezing winter air. I have never been so winded. I layed on the road trying to gasp for air for about half an hour 


BTW That's just one story. I have hundreds


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## bracelets91

It's nerve-wracking for me to talk/interact with guys. I avoid it at all times unless I have no choice. When I go to the store, I always go to the check-out lines that are being run by women regardless of how long the line is.


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## EvonneEzell

I used to eat in the bathroom whenever it was lunch. I was too scared to go into a busy cafeteria. When I was done I would check myself in the mirror a million times and spray myself with perfume so people wouldn't say I smelled badly or looked badl y. That was my biggest concern since I was teased about it all through middle school. I would also like to my mom and tell her I went off wih friends when I really wen to the library or went somewhere by myself. Now I'm in college and for two weeks I kept my hood on and walked around not talking to anyone which I'm sure to repeat when I go back.


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## SouthWest

- Eating lunch at work alone
- Pretending to be busy when I'm out in public
- I've mastered my fake smile
- Avoiding eye contact walking down the street
- Protective of what I'm writing when it's personal
- Checking my phone around others for no reason


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## Shadow2009

Has anyone else ever quit a job without actually telling your employer?? There's been two occasions where I've been working somewhere, had an anxiety attack and either emailed a random manager (and asked them to pass on my message to the boss) or I've just not shown up for my shift and avoided the phone calls until they forgot about me. :lol:


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## CalvinCandie2

I would stay in the library during senior year lunch. In automotive class we had our own restroom. I would wait for everyone to leave before using it. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## WillYouStopDave

It's not weird if I do it.


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## JDsays

Wow reading these comments make me feel not so weird.

I really related to the whole lunch situation back when I was in high school. I didn't have anyone to eat with during lunch (90% of the time) so I hid out in the library. There were days the library would be closed for whatever reason and that was absolute hell. I didn't want to stay in one place and look like a loser so I walked around the campus during lunch time pretending I had somewhere to be. It was hard finding a place I belonged. I never got that until the very end of my high school career.


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## JDsays

linzers said:


> Going for a jog as a young teen at night. Bunch of girls I knew from school, also going for jog. Decided to run up behind them and say "HEY LADIES"
> They all started screaming so I kept running really fast so I wouldn't have to run beside them.. So I basically sprinted for 6 blocks in freezing winter air. I have never been so winded. I layed on the road trying to gasp for air for about half an hour
> 
> BTW That's just one story. I have hundreds


That is the best story I've heard all day. That's hilarious. Do you look back at that and laugh?


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## thomas49

Probably the weirdest thing I've done is going running on a bike path in freezing temperatures and one person was running the other way, so, I did the natural thing and turned around. I also have hung out in a stall to avoid socializing before class.


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## oopsiecoopsie

• Avoiding eye contact for too long
• Fiddling with my hands (nervous habit)
• At work if anyone is in the kitchen, I'll avoid going over until all is clear


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## oopsiecoopsie

Shadow2009 said:


> Has anyone else ever quit a job without actually telling your employer?? There's been two occasions where I've been working somewhere, had an anxiety attack and either emailed a random manager (and asked them to pass on my message to the boss) or I've just not shown up for my shift and avoided the phone calls until they forgot about me. :lol:


This has cropped up on my mind a fair few times, never had the balls to do it though :-D


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## Tokztero

Shadow2009 said:


> Has anyone else ever quit a job without actually telling your employer?? There's been two occasions where I've been working somewhere, had an anxiety attack and either emailed a random manager (and asked them to pass on my message to the boss) or I've just not shown up for my shift and avoided the phone calls until they forgot about me. :lol:


Did it once, my ex-boss kept calling me after but I never answered the phone.


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## Tokztero

Shadow2009 said:


> Has anyone else ever quit a job without actually telling your employer?? There's been two occasions where I've been working somewhere, had an anxiety attack and either emailed a random manager (and asked them to pass on my message to the boss) or I've just not shown up for my shift and avoided the phone calls until they forgot about me. :lol:


Did it once, my ex-boss kept calling me after but I never answered the phone. :tiptoe


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## sad1231234

During recess and lunch i would pretty much eat alone most of the time. I would also stay in the libraries. And when i was in groups during lunch i wouldnt talk to them lol. And fidgeting and pretending to have a flowing conversation by saying things like "oh reall, oh, yeah, wow". And of course there are the times that i go almost completely blank.


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## Xenacat

oversad said:


> Now rather than going to the library during lunch as in high school, I sit at my desk at work during lunch and do things on my computer. I avoid the cantina area like the plague and never go out to lunch with other employees.
> 
> Apparently, I haven't progressed much socially since high school. :um


Lol, U r not alone....


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## Merlynn

Was having new flooring put in the house. The floor guys arrive in the morning, I stay really quiet hoping they think I'm not home and leave. They aren't leaving so I try texting the guy something like "I had a family emergency, won't be home today". He doesn't have texting so I have to call. He finally leaves and comes back the next week. Had to pay a fee for wasting his trip just because I couldn't handle seeing people that day.


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## CaptainMarvel

I used to take weird routes in college to minimize the number of people who could see me. I was terrified of the quadrangle.

I would go to the top flight of stairwell where the roof entrance was and hide there. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## tea111red

when i've been out walking before and seen someone coming towards me, i've gone and walked across the street or turned another way in order to avoid having to say anything to the person walking by.

when living in apts., i used to listen or look through the peephole to see if anyone was outside before leaving my apt. if i heard or saw anyone i wouldn't go outside. if i saw or heard someone coming as i was leaving, i'd go back inside. :lol

i go out to buy essential stuff at odd hrs to avoid people as much as possible.

i've walked into a place, seen someone i've known from a distance, and then turned around to leave in order to avoid them, lol.


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## MichaelUk808

Start panicking when the postman knocks on the door and act really on edge and scared when I answer the door, hide under the stairs at lunchtime in college to avoid classmates, walk a long route to avoid oncoming traffic down a one way road etc


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## MichaelUk808

and I still do what tea111red said about seeing if anyone's around before leaving the building, looking through the peephole and listening etc if i've been meditating before I leave though I don't seem to care


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## farfegnugen

I notice under certain situations I tend to apologize for stuff that doesn't really need an apology. I think I get flummoxed and don't really know what else to say. Also, I will take the long way in halls and stairs to avoid running into certain people just because I don't feel up to talking with them.


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## Zatch

Avoid the next social situation in the event of a good streak because we don't believe in ourselves to do as well.


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## iPOUT

- Whenever I'm by myself I always feel the need to be carrying books in my hand or arms. It's why I always have a book on me, 
- Whenever I'm on an elevator by myself, I try to loosen myself up by making silly faces or stretching.


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## One Armed Scissor

I used to have breakfast in the dark room of the graphics department rather than go to the commons (cafeteria). Same type of thing the OP describes.


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## claudedog

I do this thing where when I'm walking near people I feel like I have to fidget with something. So I like crack my knuckles or pretend to look at my phone, or scratch my face. I seriously don't understand how other people walk. Like where do you look? What do you do with your hands? So many simple things that are so stressful to me.


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## Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I bid on artworks auctioned by original artists because I hate the thought of someone spending hours producing something, listing it on eBay @ £0.99 & nobody wanting it :'(
I bought a painting of a badger yesterday
That's probably a weird thing I do due to depression rather than anxiety


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## That Random Guy

Reminded me of this post:


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## Glycerin

Tokztero said:


> Did it once, my ex-boss kept calling me after but I never answered the phone. :tiptoe


& @Shadow2009

That's how I'd like to quit a job. I only have a lowly min wage temp job so I don't care if the temp agency or factory won't hire me again. But I'm scared it will have financial consequences. Like they'll make me compensate financially for my absence. I think that's possible.


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## Shadow2009

So I think I've just done one of the stupidest things yet.

It's raining heavy outside and I planned on going down to the shops (15 minute walk) to pick up a takeaway for dinner and also for two bottles of chocolate milk, which I love. I buy the 2 bottles every night and I always get a bag from the lady automatically. I went into the shop tonight and it was a new lady and she didn't give me a bag. This caused a problem as I wouldn't be able to carry a takeaway dinner plus two bottles of milk all the way home, and it also made me a bit anxious as I didn't want to go in and order my dinner holding two bottles of milk cos I would have looked stupid.

So I stood outside in the rain for a few minutes wondering what to do. Anyone else would have walked back in and asked for a bag but you know, social anxiety. I then thought of a plan where I would walk 5 minutes towards home, dump the two bottles behind a wall, order my food and then on the way back just pick up the two bottles. It was dark outside and nobody was really walking past the wall anyway so I placed them down on the ground and headed back to order food. I walked past the big long window of the takeaway place and as i looked inside I saw a couple from my high school were inside. It was JUST them. I didn't speak to the girl often at school but the boy was a complete wanker and used to try bully me and talk **** about me. His fancy car was parked outside and he had his arm around his girlfriend plus was wearing designer clothes while I was soaked to the skin and wearing old, ugly ****. I didn't want to go in and have them see me so I ended up walking past the takeaway place and sitting inside a bus stop and waited for them to leave the store. They were in there for like 15 minutes. I thought I saw them leave so was about to go back and enter the store but realized they were still there and ended up walking away AGAIN. I was so ****ing frustrated and hungry at this point. I ended up walking home (with the bottles) and calling the store to deliver instead.

Extra money wasted, 15 minutes in the rain and so much anxiety because of two people who forgot I even exist and were comfortable in the store, loving life with their attractiveness and wealth oblivious to my mental pain going on just a few feet behind them. 

****ING ANXIETY


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## required

Once upon a time, in Jr high, I remember that I accidently touched my best friend's backside. We were doing some kind of physical group activity where we had to carry each other.

He called me out on it and seemed kind of upset. I was so embarrassed that I never talked to him again. I laugh at it now, but at the time, I wanted to die.

Another thing that I did: when it came to choosing a godfather for my first communion, I chose my own dad, because I didn't want to deal with the phone calls and visits that came with having a real godfather. I was in 3rd grade. I'm really glad I did this, because now I see my siblings and the relationships they have with their godparents, and I wouldn't be able to handle it honestly. I mean I would, but I'd rather not.


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## Awkwardasf

Sometimes when I'm walking down the street and a car walks past I'll stop and pretend I'm doing something on my phone when really half the time I don't even unlock it I'm just pressing numbers.

At the gym when I want to leave I'll have to wait until everyone is doing their exercise at the same time so their attention won't be on me and I won't have to say goodbye to anyone.

I'll pretend I'm trying to find something in my pockets as a way of focusing my attention on something else I guess.

If I'm walking to my car the last few steps are really awkward because I'm wondering if I'm stepping properly and don't want to just abrubptly stop so I probably do a weird kind of shuffle.

Sometimes I'll ask a really obvious question when I interact with someone.. like the other day this guy from work was on break and shouted after me as I was walking up the street, so I went back down to where he was, it was clearly a pub and I was like "what's this"

Overthinking things eh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jimbles

When I had to do a school project in front of the whole class (classroom was on the 3rd or 4th floor) I told them to wait 5 minutes since I have to use the bathroom. 20 minutes later they found me near the school basemenet and my excuse was that I got lost. It didn't quite work, since I was in this school for 7 years then.


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## Beansandcornbread

I didn't go to my graduation so I wouldn't have to deliver a valedictorian speech


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## roxslide

-Literally hide in ridiculous spots. I've hidden in my bathroom cabinet, closets, under my bed, behind bushes, in bathroom stalls (with my feet up), in stair wells and even more to avoid people.

-I used to pretend to talk on the phone if I thought someone was intending to approach me in public, or if it seems strange that I'm in public alone. I think the longest I have ever done this is 20 minutes.

-I've stood up people, cancelled plans or even abandoned people while hanging out and came up with crazy lies to explain my absence. Worst one was I had a panic attack at a theme park and ran off and hid for 2 hours. I couldn't explain why I left and they were extremely angry so I told them I had a family emergency and that my uncle got into an accident and was in the hospital. Total b.s.

- If I think the cashier will judge me on something I am buying, I will buy more stuff to "make it seem less weird."

-I have snuck around in my own house like a thief just to avoid people. Like waiting until 3am to grab some crackers from the kitchen in the dark and total silence, sometimes crawling on the ground if I think it will help me make less noise.

-Because I am so anxious I am extremely jumpy. I had one roommate that literally startled me every single time I talked to her. One time a makeup artist was doing my makeup and I jumped every single time she touched my face, like 25 times during the session.

- I've made up complete stories and backgrounds of made up friends so that people don't think I'm friendless and judge me. I used to do this a few years ago.


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## caelle

When people are in my way in grocery store aisles, I turn around and go the long way just so that I don't have to say "excuse me". It's likely they wouldn't hear me anyways or maybe they ignore me.


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## hunterjumper11

-Making my fiancé make phone calls for me because I'm too anxious and afraid to do it myself. (Perfect example: I need to make a doctor's appointment this coming week, just a check up, nothing major - and he has to call for me tomorrow because I started having a complete anxiety attack about it.)

-Waiting after finishing a test until somebody else gets up to turn their in first, so you aren't the first one to do it. Actually in my case, deliberately waiting until most of the class was finished and had already left so I wouldn't have to get up and walk in front of a group of people.

-Taking zero after zero on various assignments all through my school career because they involved some sort of presentation in front of the class which I could never do.

-Coming up with crazy, over the top excuses to get out of hanging out with people. I've used the "family member in accident/in hospital" excuse so many times that I've honestly lost count. I've also used "car issues," "stomach bug," etc more times than I care to admit.


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## Ececz52

I hate greeting people so I tend to find an alternative route to get to a class,


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## Anxiety Is In the Past

I would jump fences to get out of school and come back to jump the fence for the last class


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## sanspants08

Pokabu72 said:


> I can never take a normal route anywhere. I always find myself taking unnecessary shortcuts wherever there's the least amount of people even if that means getting to my destination in double the time.
> 
> I'm also the type of person to pretend to get a text or act like I'm so interested in a book to avoid embarrassment or social interaction.


If you mean unnecessary long...cuts...:tiptoe, that's me completely.

Also, I randomly hide in distant bathrooms :grin2: Sometimes I just need a breather, and to be unreachable for a minute or two.


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## shana

If I'm going out of the house, I don't drink water or liquids, because I don't like using public bathrooms.

I don't go outside to walk and exercise, although I live in a safe neighborhood. I walk around our house for exercise. It's because my neighbor ALWAYS slams her side door very loudly every single time I come in our house after walking outside. This is one reason why I'd like to live further away from my neighbors.

I don't have a dog (although I'd like one), in part because I know I wouldn't want to walk it outside.

I don't ride a bike that I bought for $200.00 a few years ago, although I live near a nice biking trail.

I don't like going into our pool in our backyard, and I try to avoid it, unless my mom begs me to go in with her.

I'm trying to avoid flying in an airport to visit my grandpa in NY, because I don't like airports.



Beansandcornbread said:


> I didn't go to my graduation so I wouldn't have to deliver a valedictorian speech


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## Kevin001

Beansandcornbread said:


> I didn't go to my graduation so I wouldn't have to deliver a valedictorian speech


Feels


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## thinkstoomuch103

The locker room..

Females have a strange tendency to "flock" in locker rooms, beauty salons, churches, day spas, etc.

I'm no longer cut out for that. 

I can be in a locker room all by myself. I'll be sitting on the bench trying to pick the music i will be listening to for my work out.

Another female will walk through the ENTIRE locker room, see there's no one else there, then come right back to where i am, then pick a spot, and try to sit down next to me and have a conversation while getting undressed.

I'll get the hell up, grab my sh**t, and damn near run over to another place where i can have space alone. Or sit in a bathroom stall..

Usually, as i'm walking by that same spot i ran away from? There are about 4 or 5 other females sitting there just gabbing away with no clothes on, having a great time. As soon as another female sees there's a group? They go straight over to the others and start getting undressed and start yacking.

I wish there were days i was like this? But on many days, i can't stand the sound of my own voice, and the sound of chattering female voices, gets on my damn nerves.


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## Ai

I used to keep a water bottle in the back room at work and periodically go back for a few seconds to take a sip, just to get that slight reprieve from social interaction and avoid a panic attack. It became a habit until, I guess, it got on my boss' nerves and she told me to leave it under the register (which she would usually disallow). I still do it, but it isn't as effective, since it's not much of an escape.



caelle said:


> When people are in my way in grocery store aisles, I turn around and go the long way just so that I don't have to say "excuse me". It's likely they wouldn't hear me anyways or maybe they ignore me.


LOL. I do _this_ at work too... I will turn around, essentially retracing my steps, and travel the _entire_ perimeter of the store... if it means I don't have to ask someone to let me pass... I don't want to bother them and, often, if it's a regular, they'll follow me and try to strike up a conversation :afr:hide


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## BigWorldSmallGirl

I don't eat at social gatherings becuase I feel sick people think I'm really weird
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thinkstoomuch103

caelle said:


> When people are in my way in grocery store aisles, I turn around and go the long way just so that I don't have to say "excuse me". It's likely they wouldn't hear me anyways or maybe they ignore me.


Yep.. same here..:um


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## gnomealone

anxiety bumping an old thread but

just caught myself checking the results of an ANONYMOUS poll here
on SAS before voting so I would know whether or not I was the only person 
choosing one of the options. Have done this is the past and chose not to vote because no one/too few had voted as I would have. messed up.:frown2:


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## megatheriidae

I died of thirst (ok not really but I was thirsty) in my dorm room because I don't want to go down 10 floors in the elevator to fill up my water bottle on floor 1 and have to see people.

I've turned around on walks with my dog many times (instead of just following a circle path) because people walking in the opposite direction were going to pass me and I would have to interact with them.

I hid in my house once while two of my friends were at my front door calling me asking me to come out. After they left, I lied and said in a text that my phone was off and that I had earbuds in so I was unaware that they were outside. (In my defense, they came to my house with no warning. I feel like that is probably a very stressful thing for most people with SA.)

I've abandoned best friends before because I feared that they would reject/abandon me first. That's not really an SA thing, more of a self-loathing/avoidant personality disorder thing, but I figured I'd add it in case people can relate. It all kind of ties together.


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