# Why can't I get guys to like me?



## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

This man I was recently introduced to just abruptly stopped calling. I was always pleasant with him on the phone and in text messages. I keep calling and texting him but he rarely replies. I'm still hoping we can go out Saturday. I even told him that I'd pay for everything. I get this often from guys; they just stop calling. I waited for 2 weeks for him to call or text me and he never did; that's why I started calling him again.

I'm so jealous of normal women that can attract men. I just want to cry.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

In real life I try to smile and always appearance pleasant. I don't complain and I talk about happy things. I feel like a fake happy robot.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

Not to sound like a douche but there is no way we can provide answers without knowing a lot more information about you.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

I'm still trying Internet dating. Last guy I encountered wanted me to meet him at his house for our first date. I asked to meet at a restaurant instead but he refused. So we never met. I just felt unsafe meeting at a strangers house in a town I wasn't familiar with. For safety reasons, I'd rather meet people for the first time in a public place.


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## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

If you keep texting or calling him without him showing interest in you, then you should stop right there and move on with the next guy. The guy is suppose to do the chasing. NOT the girl.


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## The Lost Boy (Nov 23, 2011)

If you keep texting someone over and over you could possibly be to pushy. I know I want my space sometimes if someone keeps hitting me up it comes off as desperation and is a turnoff


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## anthrotex (Oct 24, 2011)

Don't offer to pay for everything. You shouldn't have to bribe people to hang out with you. If he's not interested, there's nothing much you can do. Sometimes personalities just don't mesh. I would move on to someone else. There are 7 billion people in the world, no use stressing over one.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

The Lost Boy said:


> If you keep texting someone over and over you could possibly be to pushy. I know I want my space sometimes if someone keeps hitting me up it comes off as desperation and is a turnoff


But will he ever call me back? Usually when I stop calling/texting I never hear from them again. This happened to me earlier this year with a different guy. He would only text me if I texted him first and he refused to call me. I decided to wait for him to contact me first and I never heard from him again. I never get guys interested in me. I always have to do the chasing. I'm not as desirable as other women.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

anthrotex said:


> Don't offer to pay for everything. You shouldn't have to bribe people to hang out with you. If he's not interested, there's nothing much you can do. Sometimes personalities just don't mesh. I would move on to someone else. There are 7 billion people in the world, no use stressing over one.


Where to meet them? Guys usually don't show interest in me. I always have to do the persuing. I stress over one guy because it's so rare that I meet a guy willing to give me the time if day.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

Earlier this year a group of people told me that I'm so ugly no guy would ever want me. After that incident I started wearing makeup and dresses when I went out. Despite the wardrobe change I still can't get a man. They were right. Now, I'm willing to pay for a man. I spent the summer taking one man out and paying for everything just for him to tell me that he is dating other women. Now this.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

There are so many factors that come into play and it seems like the 2 most important in 2011, soon to be 2012, are looks and personality. What type of guy is he?


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

falling down said:


> There are so many factors that come into play and it seems like the 2 most important in 2011, soon to be 2012, are looks and personality. What type of guy is he?


I don't know this guy very well and have never seen him. He's seen my picture and we've talked on the phone and texted a few times. But he refuses to meet me in person. Once we agreed to meet at a restaurant and he never showed up. He texted me the next day and apologized. He wouldn't even send me a picture of himself via text. But I enjoyed talking to him on the phone. He came across as very charming.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> I don't know this guy very well and have never seen him. He's seen my picture and we've talked on the phone and texted a few times. But he refuses to meet me in person. Once we agreed to meet at a restaurant and he never showed up. He texted me the next day and apologized. He wouldn't even send me a picture of himself via text. But I enjoyed talking to him on the phone. He came across as very charming.


Maybe he's shy. Maybe he also has SA. Maybe he lacks motivation. Maybe he had second thoughts. Maybe he's shallow. Maybe he's mean. Maybe he has something to hide. Maybe he is just afraid you won't like the way he looks. I can go on forever.


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## anthrotex (Oct 24, 2011)

Well. Whoever told you that you're ugly is an ***. And "where to meet them" is wherever guys are. It's oversimplified, but that's because it's true. To figure out what kind of guy you want, THAT'S what determines where you go. Bars, coffee shops, school (if you're in it), work, concerts, charity events, support groups, all are ways to meet people. It's okay if you're the one pursuing most often, it means that you're confident enough to start up a conversation.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

falling down said:


> Maybe he's shy. Maybe he also has SA. Maybe he lacks motivation. Maybe he had second thoughts. Maybe he's shallow. Maybe he's mean. Maybe he has something to hide. Maybe he is just afraid you won't like the way he looks. I can go on forever.


Well, is there any way to convince him to go out with me? I already told him I'd pay for everything so money shouldn't be an issue. I'm guessing I probably didn't look good enough to him. I hope he texts me again one day.


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## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> Well, is there any way to convince him to go out with me? I already told him I'd pay for everything so money shouldn't be an issue. I'm guessing I probably didn't look good enough to him. I hope he texts me again one day.


You can't force people to do things they don't want to do. If I were you I would cut him off from communication and see if he makes an effort to get back in touch with you and figure out why you stopped communicating with him. If he doesn't, move on because he obviously didn't care. If he does, then try asking him out again but without seeming like you are trying to buy his love or companionship.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

falling down said:


> You can't force people to do things they don't want to do. If I were you I would cut him off from communication and see if he makes an effort to get back in touch with you and figure out why you stopped communicating with him. If he doesn't, move on because he obviously didn't care. If he does, then try asking him out again but without seeming like you are trying to buy his love or companionship.


I'm going to try to stop trying to contact him. I have a feeling I won't be hearing from him again. I hate when guys do that to me and I wonder why does this happen to me so often.

I'm just pissed that what those people told me about being so ugly no man would ever want me is true. They get the last laugh. There are guys all around and they're just unobtainable to me. It's frustrating.


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## Downwiththesickness (Nov 13, 2010)

Treat em mean keep em keen. This guy knows your a sure thing which makes you less desirable, you should'nt offer to pay for everything just to get him to go out to dinner with you, your worth more then that. Try to relax a bit and show your true personality and stop worrying if they will text call you or not. If they don't and you are being yourself well it wasn't meant to be and you can't force things like that. Sometimes you have to go through alot of crap so you appreciate a good thing when it comes along


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Downwiththesickness said:


> Treat em mean keep em keen. This guy knows your a sure thing which makes you less desirable, you should'nt offer to pay for everything just to get him to go out to dinner with you, your worth more then that. Try to relax a bit and show your true personality and stop worrying if they will text call you or not. If they don't and you are being yourself well it wasn't meant to be and you can't force things like that. Sometimes you have to go through alot of crap so you appreciate a good thing when it comes along


thanks, i was gonna post something to that effect.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

falling down said:


> Maybe he's shy. Maybe he also has SA. Maybe he lacks motivation. Maybe he had second thoughts. Maybe he's shallow. Maybe he's mean. Maybe he has something to hide. Maybe he is just afraid you won't like the way he looks. I can go on forever.


This. There are just so many factors that play into these situations.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Downwiththesickness said:


> Treat em mean keep em keen. This guy knows your a sure thing which makes you less desirable


Men don't behave like women. There are dozens of reasons more likely to explain what happened.

JupiterStarr, post a picture please.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> I'm just pissed that what those people told me about being so ugly no man would ever want me is true. They get the last laugh. There are guys all around and they're just unobtainable to me. It's frustrating.


Your problem? You believe them.

Come on...you really think out of the 4 billion or so men on this planet...that not a single one would want you? Do you honestly believe that?

The traits you display in your threads make me think you would make a great partner. Loyal, honest, trustworthy, sincere, to name a few. Those are great qualities to have...but I think your approach is what needs work. Maybe you can think of it this way. 
You have great contents..but you need to figure out how to package them better.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

JupiterStarr said:


> Earlier this year a group of people told me that I'm so ugly no guy would ever want me. After that incident I started wearing makeup and dresses when I went out. Despite the wardrobe change I still can't get a man. They were right. Now, I'm willing to pay for a man. I spent the summer taking one man out and paying for everything just for him to tell me that he is dating other women. Now this.


Hmmm... First, don't try to attract guys with bribes, you will regret it because the types of guys you'll get, that will take bribes, will either use you, or abuse you, or both. In the end, you'll make yourself feel a lot worse, and your self esteem will be really hurt. That isn't to say you shouldn't be willing to pay, but don't put it out there, and don't pay all of the time. Any relationship should be more/less equal.

Unfortunately, looks are important for women trying to attract men, much more so than the other way around. There is no point in being upset about it, that's just how things are, and without attraction a relationship will have a very hard time starting, and surviving. A lot of people here will tip toe around the importance of looks for women, because they're nice and they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but as good as their intention are, if looks are the issue their advice won't help.

*At this point let me say that I have no idea what you look like, so please don't take what I'm saying as me saying you are not beautiful, because I just don't know.*

Now, from the above post, it sounds like before, you didn't try hard to make yourself look good, and now you are trying, so that's a good start. It is surprising how much an outfit, makeup, and a hair style can do in changing the way someone looks. Some outfits will work great on some women, and horribly on others; some women look amazing with a certain make up, others look better with none. When I was studying for an exam, I had to read passages from articles, and in one of them it talked about hair styles, and why certain hairstyles work for certain people based on their face, and their head shape - there really is a lot to it. What I'm getting at is figure out what works best for you.

Look at this:










It is the same person, the only difference is the clothes, hair, makeup, etc.

Lastly, one big thing you can do is to smile. Smiling has been shown, in numerous studies, to significantly make you look more attractive.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

OP, what do you think is wrong with your appearance? Are you overweight? Bad skin? You said you dress feminine, but are you good at doing your makeup and hair?


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> OP, what do you think is wrong with your appearance? Are you overweight? Bad skin? You said you dress feminine, but are you good at doing your makeup and hair?


I've recieved compliments from other women on my makeup and hair. I'm not overweight. I think my skin is ugly; it's too dark.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

JupiterStarr said:


> I've recieved compliments from other women on my makeup and hair. I'm not overweight. I think my skin is ugly; it's too dark.


You can choose to believe the people who compliment you over the people who insulted you. No one is gonna be universally attractive. Most people get mixed feedback.

Do you think your race or skin tone is part of what causes guys to overlook you? That can be an issue even for attractive dark-skinned girls.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> You can choose to believe the people who compliment you over the people who insulted you. No one is gonna be universally attractive. Most people get mixed feedback.
> 
> Do you think your race or skin tone is part of what causes guys to overlook you? That can be an issue even for attractive dark-skinned girls.


I do. I really do think if I were fair skinned more guys would be attracted to me. Hair, makeup, and personality doesn't matter when your skin's too dark. Dark skinned women are not considered attractive to most men. I've grown to hate my skin color too. I think it's disgusting.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

SupaDupaFly said:


> The guy is suppose to do the chasing. NOT the girl.


WHY ?:sus


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

TPower said:


> Men don't behave like women. There are dozens of reasons more likely to explain what happened.
> 
> JupiterStarr, post a picture please.


I can't post a picture. After what I went through earlier this year, no way. Never again. I was just about ready to kill myself and I ended up cutting myself so many times. I haven't hurt myself since August and would like to keep it that way. I'll keep hiding before I expose myself and get hurt like that again. We live in a society that rewards bulllies and they definitely won and got over on me with that and there's nothing I can do but be reminded of it everytime men reject me. Having to look in the mirror everyday and take care of myself is hard enough.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

You say that you are bisexual. Could you try dating women too? They might be easier for you to relate to.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

komorikun said:


> You say that you are bisexual. Could you try dating women too? They might be easier for you to relate to.


I consider myself straight but am willing to date a woman if I can't get a man. I don't even know where to start picking up women. I've tried online dating sites but received very very few replies.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> I can't post a picture. After what I went through earlier this year, no way. Never again. I was just about ready to kill myself and I ended up cutting myself so many times. I haven't hurt myself since August and would like to keep it that way. I'll keep hiding before I expose myself and get hurt like that again. We live in a society that rewards bulllies and they definitely won and got over on me with that and there's nothing I can do but be reminded of it everytime men reject me. Having to look in the mirror everyday and take care of myself is hard enough.


I've never seen that kind of comment here.

The best part, is you could possibly get tips from women on how you could improve your appearance.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

JupiterStarr, maybe you come off as "too desperate" or "trying too hard". Just go with the flow!

I wish I had better advice.


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## forumuser (Aug 28, 2011)

> The guy is suppose to do the chasing. NOT the girl.


Well if you have SA like me then that will be a problem.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Colton said:


> JupiterStarr, maybe you come off as "too desperate" or "trying too hard". Just go with the flow!
> 
> I wish I had better advice.


I think this is actually a good advice. Just take it easy, stop chasing them and let them come to you instead.

If they dont, well... just be patient.

Posting a pic would help, but its up to you.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

JupiterStarr said:


> In real life I try to smile and always appearance pleasant. I don't complain and I talk about happy things. I feel like a fake happy robot.


Maybe that's the problem. Try to be more yourself.



JupiterStarr said:


> I can't post a picture. After what I went through earlier this year, no way. Never again. I was just about ready to kill myself and I ended up cutting myself so many times. I haven't hurt myself since August and would like to keep it that way. I'll keep hiding before I expose myself and get hurt like that again. We live in a society that rewards bulllies and they definitely won and got over on me with that and there's nothing I can do but be reminded of it everytime men reject me. Having to look in the mirror everyday and take care of myself is hard enough.


I remember that. How many cuts do you have? That is a major turn-off I'm afraid. I used to work at a psych hospital and there were woman with cuts all over their arms. One woman had tons of scars on her neck too.


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## JupiterStarr (Nov 4, 2010)

scarpia said:


> Maybe that's the problem. Try to be more yourself.
> 
> I remember that. How many cuts do you have? That is a major turn-off I'm afraid. I used to work at a psych hospital and there were woman with cuts all over their arms. One woman had tons of scars on her neck too.


The cuts are on my lower abdomen and they're small. It's hard to respect and care for myself when no one likes me.


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## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

JupiterStarr said:


> It's hard to respect and care for myself when no one likes me.


Before someone likes you, you have to like yourself. It does not work the other way around.


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## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

I don't care how ugly you are (I doubt you are, but anyway), guys don't like a girl who's really down on herself, comes across as too desperate or doesn't make the guy have to work to get a date with her.

Try loving yourself even a little, and don't throw yourself at any guy. Weirdly enough, being difficult to get will make you more attractive.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

I think the thing that might be turning them off is your insecurity. Work on liking yourself before someone else will like you. Cliche but true. Once you win the battle with yourself you won't feel the need to drop to desperation, to attempt to buy guys with money etc you won't have to act like a fake robot because your happiness will be legit.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

babylemonade said:


> Weirdly enough, being difficult to get will make you more attractive.


Myth. It works for men, but not for women.

The minute a girl looks "indifferent", I'm not wasting my time. I'm gone.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

JupiterStarr said:


> In real life I try to smile and always appearance pleasant. I don't complain and I talk about happy things. I feel like a fake happy robot.


I know the feeling. People do not like others who are moopy and sad. That's why I always pretend to be happy, outgoing and well adjusted. I have been doing it for so long sometimes I even fool myself. But when I come home to an empty apartment and go to bed alone the realization of my sadness overcomes me. It sucks because when I find someone that I really like they blow me off.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

TPower said:


> Myth. It works for men, but not for women.
> 
> The minute a girl looks "indifferent", I'm not wasting my time. I'm gone.


Same. While I may be physically attracted to girls who seem indifferent to me, I only develop crushes on girls who actually talk to me and are friendly. Those are the girls I see as relationship material. It's a shame I have SA and they usually have boyfriends.:sigh


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

I read one of your previous posts about a month ago (?) about a guy you were going to go out with who seemed a little too "forward" - a lot of people gave the opinion that the guy was moving too fast and was a player. Is this the guy you are talking about or someone else?

The only thing I have to say is have confidence in yourself and you won't need a guy. Paradoxically, one of the sad truths of life is the less need you have for someone in your life, the more confident you will be, and the easier it will be to "obtain" a boyfriend. 

Focus on your self-esteem, turn down the douches, and I guarantee you will find one someone. It may take time but it will happen. Look for people like yourself.

Also, don't act nice just to please others. Some guys, like myself, appreciate a woman who speaks her mind  (which you have already shown on this forum, just show it real life)


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

JupiterStarr said:


> I've grown to hate my skin color too. I think it's disgusting.


It's really sad to see you say that. I think dark skin is beautiful. I really hope one day the things those bullies said to you will no longer hurt you. For what it's worth, I don't believe it matters what they think of you. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. If you believe what they said, only then have they won. If you can rise above it and love yourself, then they lose. It's not always easy, and I understand your struggle all too well. I constantly struggle with a negative self perception.

As for finding the right guy, from what I've read, it seems like you are willing to settle for any guy, even if he's not right for you. That's never a good way to go about dating. Instead of focusing so much on how they feel about you and trying to win them over at any cost, focus on if you like them. Focus on how well they treat you. If you have common interests, if you are attracted to them, etc. Remember that you have the right to reject him too if you feel he's not a good match. You are giving the guy all the power, and basically making it all about whether or not he likes you.

Remember that dating is a numbers game. It's perfectly normal to date a lot of different people before you find the right one.


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## Pumpkin Pie (May 3, 2010)

JupiterStarr said:


> I do. I really do think if I were fair skinned more guys would be attracted to me. Hair, makeup, and personality doesn't matter when your skin's too dark. Dark skinned women are not considered attractive to most men. I've grown to hate my skin color too. I think it's disgusting.


I'm not dark-skin and some people still think I'm unattractive and I don't have a boyfriend. I see plenty of dark skin girls with men.


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## why not (Jan 18, 2012)

At the risk of sounding superficial and mean, I have co-workers that aren't attractive but still find themselves dating or in a relationship. Attitude is key. You have to respect yourself...it's vital. And NEVER try to convince a guy to go on a date with you. What's the point? You two have communicated long enough for him to decide that he's not interested, so you're only prolonging your misery but chasing after him. I know it sucks, I've been there, but move on.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

I've asked myself this same question. 

These are the thoughts I've had at one point or another:

- I have SA, so I must be "damaged goods" 
- I'm not thin enough or pretty enough
- I have the absolute worst luck in the world
- everyone I like is already taken
- I come across as friendzone and nothing more

I just try the best I can to stay positive and to not get bogged down by the list above. As my aunt said "Senrab, you just keep on being senrab." haha


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## pbandjam (Sep 24, 2011)

JupiterStarr...idk what to tell you I seem to be in this same situation. One thing I can say for sure is men can be more superficial when it comes to looks. Although you can overcome that if you can get a guy to know more about you. I was/still attracted to this girl who I didn't really find "good-looking" but I started liking her more after talking to her. Her personality and inside beauty was what won me over. Unfortunately I messed it up 
I know its hard to do but you need to start becoming a good friend. Once they get to know you they'll change their minds I promise. 

I know how you feel about the dark skin. When I was small people would make fun of me for that too and girls would call me ugly. Even though it hurt me then, it ended up scarring me for life. Wherever I go I feel incredibly self conscious about myself and feel no girl will ever want me because I look so hideous.


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