# Boss wants a (friendly) talk with me



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

My boss from my internship wants a friendly talk with me about me not being socially active on work. He isn't angry about it or anything, not at all, but he just wants to talk about it. But I got no idea what I am supposed to say, I'm obviously not going to tell him about my depression and all my other problems I got.

How am I going to pull this off? Or maybe I wait till friday, and if the appointment won't work out I might just be able to take my exit. 

So, anyone advice?


----------



## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

EarthDominator said:


> My boss from my internship wants a friendly talk with me about me not being socially active on work. He isn't angry about it or anything, not at all, but he just wants to talk about it. But I got no idea what I am supposed to say, I'm obviously not going to tell him about my depression and all my other problems I got.
> 
> How am I going to pull this off? Or maybe I wait till friday, and if the appointment won't work out I might just be able to take my exit.
> 
> So, anyone advice?


Just tell him that you are socially awkward or depresssed.

What else are you gonna say ?? That you cant be bothered ? Or your co workers bore the tits off you?

It may take some weight of you shoulders.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SFC01 said:


> Just tell him that you are socially awkward or depresssed.
> 
> What else are you gonna say ?? That you cant be bothered ? Or your co workers bore the tits off you?
> 
> It may take some weight of you shoulders.


I'm not going to tell him that's I'm depressed neither that I got 0.00 social skills. Maybe I could just talk around it, yet explaining it in a way so he doesn't know what I fully mean with it?


----------



## Jumpin Jack Flash (Nov 28, 2017)

I say just admit you're shy. Seems like it's already obvious.

But yeah I wouldn't tell him you are depressed.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Jumpin Jack Flash said:


> I say just admit you're shy. Seems like it's already obvious.
> 
> But yeah I wouldn't tell him you are depressed.


That's a good option actually. And maybe add that I just don't know how to hold a regular (non-work related) conversation.

And yes, not telling I am.


----------



## Jumpin Jack Flash (Nov 28, 2017)

I'd say I'm shy and it can take awhile for me to be more comfortable around new people.

It's the truth and shows potential improvement.


----------



## DSusan (Nov 19, 2017)

Don't pull off under his absence rather listen what he wants to say very patiently and once he finishes just tell him the reason why you aren't comfortable with that.... That is what i think might work in a win win way...


----------



## DSusan (Nov 19, 2017)

I forgot to add - if he doesn't agree with you, just end up the talk with saying - there is no offence


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

DSusan said:


> Don't pull off under his absence rather listen what he wants to say very patiently and once he finishes just tell him the reason why you aren't comfortable with that.... That is what i think might work in a win win way...





DSusan said:


> I forgot to add - if he doesn't agree with you, just end up the talk with saying - there is no offence


Sounds fair enough, I think. I really hate my life right now...


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

If it's just friendly mentoring, just acknowledge it, thank him for the feedback, ask for specific ways improvement will be best demonstrated and promise to work on it.

If it feels like it's more serious, all the same above applies, but first have him clarify if you're otherwise performing adequately under your best understanding of the job description. If so, ask how being more social is specifically a job requirement.

Bottom line, and it may never matter, it's important to clarify if being social is both a condition of employment as well as something that was well understood as a requirement for your job.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> If it's just friendly mentoring, just acknowledge it, thank him for the feedback, ask for specific ways improvement will be best demonstrated and promise to work on it.
> 
> If it feels like it's more serious, all the same above applies, but first have him clarify if you're otherwise performing adequately under your best understanding of the job description. If so, ask how being more social is specifically a job requirement.
> 
> Bottom line, and it may never matter, it's important to clarify if being social is both a condition of employment as well as something that was well understood as a requirement for your job.


It's concentrated around the subject I mentioned, but I don't know if I got the mental power to actually open up and talk with people. Nor do I know how to even start a conversation, knowing I'm not interested to talk with.

I'm not preforming bad, I'm actually preforming above average on my internship. It's just that social part which I really, really suck at. Other than that, everything is fine.

Not entirely sure if I understood you correctly, but if you're implying that being social is also a requirement of the internship/job description, then I'm not fit for any job in the world probably.


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> It's concentrated around the subject I mentioned, but I don't know if I got the mental power to actually open up and talk with people. Nor do I know how to even start a conversation, knowing I'm not interested to talk with.
> 
> I'm not preforming bad, I'm actually preforming above average on my internship. It's just that social part which I really, really suck at. Other than that, everything is fine.
> 
> Not entirely sure if I understood you correctly, but if you're implying that being social is also a requirement of the internship/job description, then I'm not fit for any job in the world probably.


Treat it as casual mentoring. Get the feedback, but don't try and explain or excuse yourself.

If the internship can become a job at this place, you may want to inquire if this will be a deciding factor.

Assuming the position can allow it, you can be gainfully employed without crisp social skills, but still have to respect it may affect your pace of advancement.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> Treat it as casual mentoring. Get the feedback, but don't try and explain or excuse yourself.
> 
> If the internship can become a job at this place, you may want to inquire if this will be a deciding factor.
> 
> Assuming the position can allow it, you can be gainfully employed without crisp social skills, but still have to respect it may affect your pace of advancement.


Alright then, let's just hope it'll go fine.

The internship is purely for my study, on 26th of January I'll be heading back to school again.

That's managable in the sector I'm going to work in the future, though it'd be still nice if I were only human enough to keep a proper conversation.


----------



## DSusan (Nov 19, 2017)

Why would you hate your life for such a thing that is beyond your control? Stay happy and give the damn to what others say?


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

why the heck does he need to know that? is it a social job? i'm sorry that sounds so truly awful and completely intrusive and unfair on his part,


----------



## Typhus (Apr 28, 2017)

Listen to what he has to say. If it is because you're not socialising well with your colleagues which in my mind translates to not communicating well when getting tasks done in the workplace, then i would really take on his advice.

If it's because you're not a social butterfly bantering with everyone, which is a really stupid and unprofessional reason to have a meeting Just tell him that socialising has not effected your performance and how you go about your duties, and that everyone socializes differently and that You socialize at your own pace. That will show him that you are in control and not being overpowered by a mental state.

You say you're doing above average so you must be doing the right thing.

Also PLEASE DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR DEPRESSION OR SOCIAL ANXIETY. It can and will be used as ammunition for any decision making going forward from promotions to dismissals. Companies are not allowed by law to discriminate or punish people for mental health issues but they do it anyway, just in the secrecy of a meeting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

sword1 said:


> Engaging in small talk was usually enough to satisfy my coworkers. Also, I limited my time around my coworkers so it was not obvious that I was not social.


Well, it's not that I'm shy or anything, I just don't know what to say that's all. Besides that, I don't see the purpose to talk with my coworkers during breaks. I mean, they don't talk to me as well, so why would I always have to initiate a conversation?



DSusan said:


> Why would you hate your life for such a thing that is beyond your control? Stay happy and give the damn to what others say?


I know, I heard that alot. But, saying it again, it's easier said than done. I've always heard how bad I am at things, except for a few months ago when I joined SAS. Only then, I was encouraged for things I was doing, which I never experienced before.



Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> why the heck does he need to know that? is it a social job? i'm sorry that sounds so truly awful and completely intrusive and unfair on his part,


It's not, the internship is drawing (or designing) electrical installations on the computer using programs such as AutoCAD. I still do not understand the necessary need to be social, especially if it will be temporarily anyways.



Typhus said:


> Listen to what he has to say. If it is because you're not socialising well with your colleagues which in my mind translates to not communicating well when getting tasks done in the workplace, then i would really take on his advice.
> 
> If it's because you're not a social butterfly bantering with everyone, which is a really stupid and unprofessional reason to have a meeting Just tell him that socialising has not effected your performance and how you go about your duties, and that everyone socializes differently and that You socialize at your own pace. That will show him that you are in control and not being overpowered by a mental state.
> 
> ...


My performance is not undermined with it, on the contrary, my communication skills are for work purposes are well-suited. The thing he was aiming to, were mostly the breaks. Besides, the giant age gap isn't helping at all. I'm currently the youngest, 18, while the next coworker is 38.

I won't, for obvious reasons. But it's only an internship, at the end of January I'll be heading back to the academy for study. I believe it ends on the 26th.

EDIT: Sorry I reacted late, the weekend was really busy as well as mentally demanding.


----------



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

sword1 said:


> Just a couple minutes of conversation can give the impression that you are a nice person to be around and your boss will leave you alone. You don't have to do it all the time, however, you should do it when you are in their presence.


Well, apparently he forgot the conversation, so I'm safe. :laugh: But thank you for your advice though, I appreciate it.


----------



## webs (Jul 5, 2016)

I'm surprised he is asking for such a talk with you... obviously you are shy, but he don't have to rub it in your face.. he could have said that he just wanted a general talk and then also ask about this, but I don't think it's ok of him to take you to such a talk.. off course you will feel bad about it... not a lot of people likes to be told they are shy or quiet (even though they are aware that they are)


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

your boss sounds like a twunt


----------

