# I haven't been working for 6 years



## milo001 (Nov 26, 2008)

And I can't seems to be able to work anymore. My social phobia is so serious that I can't even going for a haircuts now. Anyone who is unemployed right now care to share what you are doing at home ? And do you still living with your parents?


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

I am unemployed and I do live with my parents. I have never lived on my own for multiple reasons - mainly the fact that I'd be super lonely, but also because of it being expensive and harder work than what I do now living at home.

I do not have SA anymore, either, so my post is probably not going to be the most helpful. I wanted to let you know, because things will be harder for you than they will be for me. (Had SA in the past, and know how crippling it can be, and I don't want you assuming that if the things I propose are too difficult, then it's all over, because it's not. The things I mention below are what I'm doing and/or advising, some are easier than others, and others can be downright impossible for full-blown SA, and takes more small steps than just what I am saying, normally)

I was looking online for jobs on job bulletins, mainly indeed and Craigslist. I decided to join a temp agency and found one I wanted to join/work with. Applied online through their website and have since starting working for them. I'll be going on my 2nd temp job later this month (seasonal work). The easiest part is sending out your resume online, the hardest part comes when you need to talk to a recruiter over the phone or if you are offered a phone interview. I just power through it. If I am feeling anxious, I wait a while until I feel more clear-headed, then make the call. It will be a lot harder for someone with full SA.
Try to do small interactions throughout the day. If you go to the grocery store, just get yourself to say, "Good day" to the cashier, or something along those lines. Not even a full conversation. You can build from there once you are comfortable with that.
Also, one thing that really helped my SA was working in retail and a call-center (don't know what jobs you'd be interested in/what your education would be in). For the call-center, my supervisor _really _had to help me through my calls the first week. But you learn.

While getting a job is important, you also need to work on your SA. Both are really important. I don't know what your doing with your job search now, but just do what you feel comfortable with. But take some time to try to work on your SA, at the same time. Try to figure out when your SA acts up most (situations, places), or the reason. Not just: I'm scared of people. Why? Because they will judge me. Again, why? Try to see if there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed and make that a goal to work on. If you ask yourself why/when/what, and can't give a valid answer to yourself, then you may need to work on that area. Also, if it's emotional for you in a negative way, then it may be something to work on.

Also, I hope you have a helpful family. Talk with them about SA if you do, and the issues you are having. Talking it out with someone that knows you personally might make you feel better in the long run. Not in that moment, though. See if they might be able to help out. Like, for the haircut example, ask if one of your parents would like to go with you when you get a haircut. It's not uncommon, and will give you someone you're familiar with, when you're in an unfamiliar/stressful environment. (Also, for haircuts, that can be stressful describing your hair cut to the barber, so think about that; For small talk some tend to do, you can usually give short answers/not elaborate, after a while they may not talk, or you can talk with the person you bring with you). Doesn't have to be a parent or sibling, can also be a friend.

Most people recommend just getting out of the house with no pressure to socialize to begin with. Just walk around your neighborhood. Especially if you have a pet. This may be step you can take now if you don't do it already, and if you are able to (non-dangerous, walkable area).

One thing that helps me while being unemployed, is to have something I can get involved with that I love. I love playing music. I am in classes at the moment, one-on-one which is less intimidating normally. Find something you like to enjoy, and focus on that. Or if there is something you want to learn. Having something to do besides being cooped up in the house all day really helps with sanity. I also like to go see movies.

So, basically, what I am really doing is relying more on my temp agency to help me find companies to work for (more than I should, but it helps). Oh, something else I forgot to mention, working with a temp agency _can_ make you bypass interviews with the actual company, which is very relieving. I never had an interview with the actual companies before, but it can happen. Just throwing it out there, in case you hadn't looked into it yet. In my spare time I'm on the computer (way too much), play music, and occasionally get out to see family, watch a movie, run light errands, etc.

Sorry for the way too long post. And so many grammar mistakes - oh well.

Also, know that while things look really, really bleak now, it doesn't have to stay that way. Things are constantly changing and this _might_ be the worst your social phobia will get in your life. Things can turn around and improve and they hopefully will.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

I haven't worked in a long time either. It's depressing and embarrassing. 

It's hard to say if it's because of SA though. I'm agoraphobic. People don't always make me anxious, but people in authority sure do. So it's hard to get a job when there's someone else telling me what to do. Having no control makes me very anxious.

I do a lot of cleaning at home and do odd jobs here and there when it's offered to me. Like cleaning a neighbors house. I browse around online a lot. Stay up far too late. But I really hope to improve my situation and get better. The first few steps are so difficult though. Honestly, I could easily let myself stay in this isolated bubble for the rest of my life. It's comfortable. But I want to be independent and be "normal".


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I agree with jlscho03, temp agencies can be a great way to enter the workforce. In 2009 after my course finished (which was at the peak of the recession) it was hard to find any work. But one agency gave me work towards the end of 2009 after about 6 months of being unemployed. Been working as a temp ever since.
I know its a lot easier said than done, but you really should keep trying to find something, unemployment in my experience is one of the most soul crushing things ever. You don't want to be lying on your deathbed looking back at a life where you were too afraid to take a risk to improve your situation do you?
I always like that famous saying: 'its better to die on your feet, than live on your knees.'


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

if you're a female theres always hope that you'll eventually find some simp that will marry you and pay for your living expenses

if ur a guy then ur in trouble tho


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I've been out of work more than 2 years now. I've skimmed out trying to last it out after unemployment. But within 6 months to a year I'll probably have to move back to my parents; or decide to try to go for disability. My career is shot even with a bachelors in CS and another associates soon in accounting. When they find out my age, interviewers just laugh at me trying to go for entry positions (starting over) (plus the SA never helps). Other than that I'm looking into self-employment or franchise ideas. My credit is ok, so maybe the bank will loan me some funds to start a "hot dog" stand or something.

Just to add, I really despise all these "work at home"/online scams. the sec just let these snake oil people like herbalife and MLM pyramid scams cause desperate people to even lose more of their desperate jobless-time funds.


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## randomperson (May 11, 2012)

I'm currently unemployed after being sacked (long story) from my job of 8+years. The thing that makes me anxious is the interviews for new jobs as for my previous job they basically offered me the job without having to say anything.


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## randomperson (May 11, 2012)

jlscho03 said:


> working with a temp agency _can_ make you bypass interviews with the actual company, which is very relieving. I never had an interview with the actual companies before, but it can happen.


I agree, finding a job through a agency can be good for people with SA as you avoid the interview process.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

i havent worked for quite a few years. but recently was back at college for a year. I was anxiuos at college for no apparent reason asn was glad to graduate and get out of there.

Now I am a bit scared to get work. in case i am anxious over again. But I know that getting PAID MONEY and your salary goes in . is a good feeling. 

I think I can settle doing some basic office , admin stuff. call centre? maybe. I get the feeling that ANYTHING that is offered to me. I better take it and just get on with it. it will be a great improvement in the long run. 

go to work, work, get paid and to hell with the social aspect of it.... because most people dont care anyway .


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## BlueDay (May 6, 2014)

randomperson said:


> I agree, finding a job through a agency can be good for people with SA as you avoid the interview process.


It didn't work that way for me on my last job. After an interview with the agency, I still had a phone interview with the company itself, followed by a 2-on-1 regular interview, followed by *another* phone interview!


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

BlueDay said:


> It didn't work that way for me on my last job. After an interview with the agency, I still had a phone interview with the company itself, followed by a 2-on-1 regular interview, followed by *another* phone interview!


Yeah, I've known it can happen where you still have to interview with the client company (I've seen it happen), but I wanted to let the OP know, and others, too, that you MIGHT skip the interview process with the client company. Just depends on their client, and probably the job, too. And it's not something you can control (I mean, you can't help if you have to go on extra interviews), but it can happen. I've never had to interview with the client company, which is nice 
But I know several people that have interviewed further, which does outnumber me.
@KILOBRAVO, my anxiety was at its worst in college, and I was also super happy to graduate and be done with it. Working can definitely help with SA.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

jlscho03 said:


> Yeah, I've known it can happen where you still have to interview with the client company (I've seen it happen), but I wanted to let the OP know, and others, too, that you MIGHT skip the interview process with the client company. Just depends on their client, and probably the job, too. And it's not something you can control (I mean, you can't help if you have to go on extra interviews), but it can happen. I've never had to interview with the client company, which is nice
> But I know several people that have interviewed further, which does outnumber me.
> @KILOBRAVO, my anxiety was at its worst in college, and I was also super happy to graduate and be done with it. Working can definitely help with SA.


So what difference was there working that was better for your anxiety than college.? what made college more anxious place for you than work?


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

For me, I feel like I don't fit in with people my age. I don't really drink (which for some reason is what a lot of people care about, or it's all they care about, or so it seems from the conversations I've overheard), and it's hard to explain, but I like things and relationships to have meaning. When I was going to college, I just felt like all the other people there were just into partying/getting drunk. I know that's not true at all, and I knew it then. The other thing was that I didn't want to be judged by my peers. At one point, I knew some people, but wouldn't open up because I was afraid they'd judge me. I would always overhear these conversations about other people, always judging or with negative comments and I was afraid of, well, sticking out. It also didn't help that the last person I had been friends with was like this, always talking negatively of people (this might've played a bigger role than I want to admit, because she was very critical of me near the end of the friendship). I just felt like people at that age (my age) weren't very accepting of others and my anxiety around them just skyrocketed, but I was surrounded by people my age for too long. Whereas with older people, I just felt more comfortable and relaxed. I could be more honest. They weren't as openly judgey.

Once I graduated, I discovered that my anxiety really only spikes around people my age. I can talk a bit easier with people older than me, and at my last workplace, I was the only one in my 20s. Everyone was in their 40s or older, some in their 30s.

At some point, I started talking to someone else in their 20s. I was really nervous, but it was just on the bus, so I didn't feel like I'd be judged, as it was only small talk. I started learning with exposure. Now I can be okay if it's one-on-one conversation with someone my age, but they sort of have to have a vibe similar to mine. I mean, I also try not to judge, but it happens (and really, I could work on this a lot, because it does make me a hypocrite). I still get nervous, but it's not debilitating and doesn't interfere with anything like it used to. So I don't consider myself to have SA anymore, but I'm still a shy person, haha! 

So, basically, I didn't feel like I fit in, but a lot of it was because I wouldn't open up. Everyone I had known at some point would say very hurtful/negative things about me (usually unintentional, but still) or others, and it just got to my head that people my age just want to judge. I lost a lot all of my friends because of my hurt feelings, and I guess I just sort of applied it to everyone around me, as well. I also had no one to confide in at that point in time, so college was rough for me. Some of my saddest moments also occured in college (or, even when I graduated, on the campus - go figure).

The very monotonous schedule of work was something I needed. A bit of structure, less people around me, less studying (my first job was super easy compared to college). I ran into troubles in the workplace, too, but I felt comfortable with the people there and I started to relax a bit. I also learned that older people can judge, too, but the reason it affects me more with people my age is because I want to be accepted by people my age (I don't really have any friends, so I think it's a big driving force). I usually see people older than me as mentors. 

Also, I had more time to invest in something I wanted to do, whereas in college, you had the classes, then homework, then the part-time job, which took more time than the one full-time job. So once the monotony got to me, I started enrolling in classes and trying things to see what I liked. This also helped me out.

Also, I forgot to say this, but another huge thing that drove my anxiety up was also just plain college-related. I didn't know what I wanted to do throughout all my four years there, and it made me anxious. Couple that with seeing everyone else working towards defined goals, getting into relationships (which I had never been in one), hanging out with their friends (I had none after freshman year), making plans (whereas I just went home and did nothing over the weekend), I was comparing myself to everyone else and just thought I was a huge loser. It was really hard for me to handle. I never changed in college, either, whereas I would see my old friends changing, growing, doing great things, and I'd just sort of be there. It was depressing, but also spiked my anxiety. That had a lot to do with it.

I did change and grow after college, but still haven't experienced those milestones that everyone else has. But I am not being constantly reminded of it everyday, either, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. 

That was too long of an explanation, and seems silly, but there it is.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

jlscho03 said:


> For me, I feel like I don't fit in with people my age.


I'm very much similar in that I never did get along healthily with people especially male peers my own age. Later on it was always "mentoring" by people 10 or more years older. Sometimes 5 years older because they think I'm 10 years younger than I am(until they find out the truth). Then at my last job, I found too many cliquish workers close to my age (5-10 years younger) judged me again in the same SA cyclical dread again that plagued me. Surprisingly there is always one or a few that don't judge at all, but then again they have their "own friends" they hang out with as usual. One young guy even wanted me to hang with him. But I mean come on, I was 15 years older and certainly no "mentor" to him, and he was kind of the lazy guy who eventually got fired but everyone except the boss liked.

But jlscho03, you are still young and seem to understand and think out what's going on with yourself. Best of luck in improving. I have a female cousin who was very academic up to her PhD in psychology, and she never really had a bf but got married a few years ago in her late 30's to another single researcher.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I've been unemployed for about a year and a half. I never want to work again because it was hell for me working with all my problems. I would like to become self-employed but all I do is waste my time instead of making it happen. I mostly spend my day on the internet or sleeping

I'm having trouble going to get a haircut too  My reason is because my old barber retired and I'm too nervous to go to a new place. Would just grow my hair out but I sweat really easily.


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## yrocis42 (Jun 20, 2008)

Ive had trouble holding work for years. I get a job, things are going ok, and then one day my disease will tell me I absolutely can not go in to work for some reason. It's like I can't bare to see my coworkers. And I never understood why I can't face them it is just an overwhelming feeling. I have avoidant personality disorder. The weird thing is, people like me for some reason. I've had people say I'm always happy and smiling, and easy to talk to. They think I'm funny. I've been told I'm approachable which is a nightmare to me. I don't want to talk to them. Talking to my coworkers causes me anxiety. By the end of a work day I am mentally exhausted.. My parents kicked me out recently because I couldn't hold down a job. They are paying for me to stay in a halfway home with other addicts(I'm an addict too) and I just got a job, I had a bad first day and never went back. I'm scared to tell then I lost my job so ive been stuck in my room for two days! I hate this!


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## Olivia56 (Jul 16, 2014)

I am nearly 21 and have literally just started a new job (zero hour) and being unemployed was really difficult. I hated interacting with anyone because the question ' what do you do then?' would come up all the time, even at the hairdressers and I had to say 'oh nothing at the moment' which sucked and made me feel bad about everything. Being at home constantly and having loads of time to fret about anything and everything made everything worse, not to mention my SA flares with interviews. I got a lucky break with this job with a friend of a friend and now I feel better, not useless and when someone asks what I do I am actually able to tell them. 

I live at home with my parents and will do until I get a full time or more stable hours.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*mega hyper thread*

time is theme

dominoes

one knockdown
follow worst:crying:

parents who are alive can be an advantage or disadvantage


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

jlscho03 said:


> I am unemployed and I do live with my parents. I have never lived on my own for multiple reasons - mainly the fact that I'd be super lonely, but also because of it being expensive and harder work than what I do now living at home.
> 
> I do not have SA anymore, either, so my post is probably not going to be the most helpful. I wanted to let you know, because things will be harder for you than they will be for me. (Had SA in the past, and know how crippling it can be, and I don't want you assuming that if the things I propose are too difficult, then it's all over, because it's not. The things I mention below are what I'm doing and/or advising, some are easier than others, and others can be downright impossible for full-blown SA, and takes more small steps than just what I am saying, normally)
> 
> ...


perfect linguistics I love

every prepositon used wisely. swap any verb with it for any meaning... talk over the recruiter.. stepping on their toes, wearing breezeblocks

on

the preposition we don't need
on yer ffooone!!!
on yer screeeen?
on yer tippytoes? on? You on?
recorded on your flash memory or paper media
or sat on your bottom

recruiters say: we sent your CV through the... in ter view/net? across? via?
using. any preposition stands was above any 'on' or having 'a baby'? or flat-packing it

what we do before we die?

most redundant word in any language is 'you' or 'your...' by pointing the metaphoric or megacritical finger gesture. theirs... without specifying any ID. any magical method mousebutton clik now relieves us of any specifics such as credentials provision... cookies done 4 us. like a school calculator. point the cursor aggressively, blindly? no spec such as 'the man in red hat from a foreign country' just gestural you.. them. it's them. not the other one. it's you! you're it! mysterious, meandering highlighting without
name or label (barcode). My syntax of SQL with sense. subjectively or objectively
You mean me? why so mean?


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

milo001 said:


> Anyone who is unemployed right now care to share what you are doing at home ?


 Cutting my own hair.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

The longest I was unemployed was for 2 years. Man it depressing as hell. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


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## elijahsusername (Jun 8, 2015)

Hi Milo, I can relate to your intense fear, I can barely stand to be around people anymore either and only venture out into the world when I have to (classes, groceries, laundry and yes, haircuts). The last job I worked I left after two months in December. I hated every second of working in that office.

If you have a college degree and/or any specific skills (good writer, maybe you do graphic design, art, etc.) you can find work online. Right now I'm working from home for an education company scoring live student responses (standardized testing). Also finding online work on sites like utest.com (software/app testing) and looking to eventually get into VA, transcriptioning, learning how to monetize my blog, etc. The goal for me is just to learn how to make a somewhat decent living online slowly but surely. The good thing is there are a lot of opportunities to make extra money online. 

I'd check out Penny Hoarder, they always have listings for work-from-home jobs. 

Best of luck, and hope you can get back to a place where the world outside is at least somewhat bearable.


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## col13 (Apr 21, 2017)

do you find that working helps with SA or makes it worse does anybody do volunteer work?


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