# So I went to therapy for the first time...



## Hadara

...and it was oh so weird!!
Well, it wasn't exactly my first time with a psychologist, but my two past experiences had been terribly bad so I was extremely nervous. The fact that the psychologist was a guy made things quite more awkward for me as I have a harder time speaking to men than to women myself, but anyways, I went along.
He told me to sit down, he was in front of me and asked me: Why are you here?

Oh dear! I was shocked with that question! I didn't know what to say. I asked him how did psychological sessions actually work as I didn't know how it was. He simply repeated the question and told me to speak.
I tried to explain my anxiety and stress issues, my current problems at interacting with people and those things. He was asking so many things in such a serious tone, I was so uncomfortable. I asked him if I could do something about my current problems and he just said we would leave it for another session.

It was so weird!! I don't like talking about myself or my past and worse about my emotions so it was so awkward!! I never expected a session to be this chaotic. I felt I was mixing everything up, making no sense out of anything.
He somehow seemed like "not entirely convinced with what I was saying", it felt more like an interrogation than anything else, but then again my anxiety could have perceived that, I don't know.
He told me we would work on something, that he couldn't recommend me anything, but that he was going on vacations next month so I should schedule for September. 

I don't want to doubt him since I know he's a professional, but uh... are all this type of visits this awkward? Have you ever had a similar experience?


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## harrison

I can't remember how many therapists or shrinks I've seen. But I do know it will take time to find one that you'll like, feel comfortable with, that's professional, competent or even worth talking to. (sorry I'm old and very jaded)

You will need to try and be more comfortable talking about your emotions though - it's inevitable. Personally I've never had problem talking about that - or anything else really. My problem is usually with their response. 

Never assume that just because they have a qualification they actually know what they're talking about - that would be a mistake. If you don't like them get a new one.


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## Starcut83

Like what @harrison said you need to find a therapist that's right for you. I've seen about seven therapists over my life so far and only three that I really liked.

Personally, I appreciate the therapist I have now because she is genuinely caring and compassionate. She knows when to be "serious" or sincere and when to lighten things up a bit. She never makes me say anything if I don't want to, I don't feel interrogated but rather listened to which I think is important. She has insight but I don't feel like I'm being analyzed.

All therapists have different personalities and varying approaches. Trust your intuition, only you know how you feel.


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## harrison

Sorry I'm obviously very jaded. I do think it's important to stand up for yourself though and not assume that the therapist or psychiatrist is always right.


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## Starcut83

@harrison Not sure if you were responding to me? If so, no worries, I agree. Wasn't saying otherwise. There are plenty of times I speak up and disagree with something she says and she tells me to always trust myself when I do.


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## harrison

Starcut83 said:


> Like what @harrison said you need to find a therapist that's right for you. I've seen about seven therapists over my life so far and only three that I really liked.
> 
> Personally, I appreciate the therapist I have now because she is genuinely caring and compassionate. She knows when to be "serious" or sincere and when to lighten things up a bit. She never makes me say anything if I don't want to, I don't feel interrogated but rather listened to which I think is important. She has insight but I don't feel like I'm being analyzed.
> 
> All therapists have different personalities and varying approaches. Trust your intuition, only you know how you feel.


Is your therapist a psychologist or a psychiatrist. (if you don't mind me asking) I always prefer psychologists because they can't just reach for their prescription pads. 

They also seem to often be more stable themselves. Maybe it's just me but I've really had some strange experiences with psychiatrists. The last one started telling me slightly personal things about herself - she said she was "boring but reliable." I had no idea what to say and just automatically wanted to say something to make her feel better. (not a position I probably should have been put in as the patient)

I told her it's okay to be boring and that I bet my wife wished I was.


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## harrison

Starcut83 said:


> @harrison Not sure if you were responding to me? If so, no worries, I agree. Wasn't saying otherwise. There are plenty of times I speak up and disagree with something she says and she tells me to always trust myself when I do.


No it's okay mate - I just felt a bit bad for being so negative. I don't want people to think that seeing a therapist is a bad thing, it's just I've had a lot of problems finding people to help me.


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## Starcut83

harrison said:


> Is your therapist a psychologist or a psychiatrist. (if you don't mind me asking) I always prefer psychologists because they can't just reach for their prescription pads.
> 
> They also seem to often be more stable themselves. Maybe it's just me but I've really had some strange experiences with psychiatrists. The last one started telling me slightly personal things about herself - she said she was "boring but reliable." I had no idea what to say and just automatically wanted to say something to make her feel better. (not a position I probably should have been put in as the patient)
> 
> I told her it's okay to be boring and that I bet my wife wished I was.


My therapist is a phycologist. I have a psychiatrist but I see her separately. 😊

lol @ Your response to the phycologist. Makes me think of me and my episodes and the people who probably wish I was boring at times.


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## Dan the man

I had two psychologists in my life but am thinking of seeing another one soon. More or less to get stuff off my chest before it explodes.

First sessions I think are always a sort of get to know you kind of deal. 

I liked my second psychologist I saw better as she kind of had a warmer personality but overall I liked them both. Sometimes years later I still hear the advise they told me come in my head in situations I talked about where the anxiety is triggered


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## Dan the man

I'd add to the OP hopefully once you know the person it gets a little easier to open up. Assuming you're comfortable. Only you would know have a feel for that. 

But I'd say if you're not gonna be honest the sessions will be a waste


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## truant

This is how all my sessions go, haha. Totally chaotic, a breathless stream of anxious rambling. Every session starts with: "So, what would you like to talk about?" And then I blabber on for 45 minutes. My therapist lets me talk about anything I want to, though she'll ask questions about things that came up in other sessions and try to link things together. She'll make observations and stuff. But the agenda is entirely up to me. (I have a psychotherapist, ftr.)

You just have to get used to spilling your guts. It's very hard for most people to be perfectly honest, which is probably why your therapist seemed not totally convinced. He's probably not totally convinced by every client he sees. If you have a therapist who lets you set the agenda, it will seem totally random at first, but over time you end up circling around the same issues over and over again, until you eventually come to the core issues. I've just really zeroed in on one of mine and I've been in therapy for over a year and a half.

It takes time for a therapist to get to know you and what your issues are, so you just have to be patient. The best thing you can do to speed up the process is to be as perfectly, brutally honest as you can be. The more honest you are, the sooner you'll see progress. But it's hard to be honest.


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## Blue Dino

harrison said:


> Is your therapist a psychologist or a psychiatrist. (if you don't mind me asking) I always prefer psychologists because they can't just reach for their prescription pads.


This could make a big difference in many circumstances. I seen so many people mistaking them to be the same when they first started seeking therapy. Based on what they need or are going through, some are better served with a psychologist while some are with psychiatrist. Or combination of both.


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## harrison

Blue Dino said:


> This could make a big difference in many circumstances. I seen so many people mistaking them to be the same when they first started seeking therapy. Based on what they need or are going through, some are better served with a psychologist while some are with psychiatrist. Or combination of both.


Yeah, whenever I see "therapist" I just automatically think psychologist, not psychiatrist. I've never really known if it's different in places like the US - as far as prescribing medication etc. I think I saw on here one time that you guys have nurses that can do that too, although it was ages ago and I might have got that wrong.

Here only shrinks or GP's can prescribe. Psychologists are just for talking. Like you say though - both have their place and can be useful.


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## Starcut83

harrison said:


> Yeah, whenever I see "therapist" I just automatically think psychologist, not psychiatrist. I've never really known if it's different in places like the US - as far as prescribing medication etc. I think I saw on here one time that you guys have nurses that can do that too, although it was ages ago and I might have got that wrong.
> 
> Here only shrinks or GP's can prescribe. Psychologists are just for talking. Like you say though - both have their place and can be useful.


I believe that's a Nurse Practitioner or Advanced Practice Registered Nurse. My psychiatrist is an NP.


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## rabidfoxes

I can only repeat what others have said. It takes time to get a therapist you click with! By all means see if the awkwardness goes in the second session but if not, I'd look for a different psychologist. The success of your therapy in large part depends on whether you feel you can 'connect' to your therapist, so it's important to find someone who works well for you.


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## Blue Dino

harrison said:


> Yeah, whenever I see "therapist" I just automatically think psychologist, not psychiatrist. I've never really known if it's different in places like the US - as far as prescribing medication etc. I think I saw on here one time that you guys have nurses that can do that too, although it was ages ago and I might have got that wrong.
> 
> Here only shrinks or GP's can prescribe. Psychologists are just for talking. Like you say though - both have their place and can be useful.


I see a lot of people using therapist-psychologists as the same. Rather than psychologist being a subset of therapist. I had a friend who was a lifelong ADHD sufferer who I always hear him advising people to see a psychiatrist instead of a therapist. I always get confused at him saying that thinking "Isn't a psychiatrist a therapist too?" 

Yeah I think often some therapists will also do nursing as co-hustle or side-hustle. And vice versa. Especially for therapists who are just starting out.


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## harrison

Blue Dino said:


> I see a lot of people using therapist-psychologists as the same. Rather than psychologist being a subset of therapist. I had a friend who was a lifelong ADHD sufferer who I always hear him advising people to see a psychiatrist instead of a therapist. I always get confused at him saying that thinking "Isn't a psychiatrist a therapist too?"
> 
> Yeah I think often some therapists will also do nursing as co-hustle or side-hustle. And vice versa. Especially for therapists who are just starting out.


Yeah, it gets quite confusing. Pretty much all of the psychiatrists I've seen will talk a bit, get a history and make a diagnosis - then get their little pad out for the pills. Any further talk of "therapy" usually takes the form of them recommending you see a psychologist.

My last psychologist was a very nice man - older, a Phd in psychology after working for a long time as a scientist, amiable, etc etc. There were still one or two things I didn't agree with though - some of the logic behind is methods for CBT I thought was unsound, so I didn't continue with it. He also kept telling me I should take my wife to court and get half of her house etc - which I thought was a bit odd and not something I would ever do.

There needs to be a decent mix of professionalism, compassion and expertise. Not a mix that's always easy to find in my experience.


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## Hadara

Thank you for all of your answers, everyone.



harrison said:


> I can't remember how many therapists or shrinks I've seen. But I do know it will take time to find one that you'll like, feel comfortable with, that's professional, competent or even worth talking to. (sorry I'm old and very jaded)
> 
> You will need to try and be more comfortable talking about your emotions though - it's inevitable. Personally I've never had problem talking about that - or anything else really. My problem is usually with their response.
> 
> Never assume that just because they have a qualification they actually know what they're talking about - that would be a mistake. If you don't like them get a new one.


I see. Well, my two last experiences with psychologists were pretty bad so by seeing this third one I was really nervous. Also because he wasn't saying a thing and he was pretty rough with his responses, like minimizing what I thought was very serious. He seemed pretty uninterested on what I was saying and as I finished something, he told me there was something wrong with me and we would work on fixing it. He was quite angry because I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. 
Yeah, I've never had the chance to talk about my emotions if it was not on online forums, mostly because I never had anyone to rely on to and also because my previous "friends" would only minimize my troubles, called me stupid or drama queen and talk about what their thought were real problems instead. 

As I saw this psychologist kind of disconnected with what I was saying, I got the feeling I was most probably exaggerating and got more and more anxious about talking. I resorted to my usual "careless", "emotionally detached" personality and just limited myself to answering his questions.



Starcut83 said:


> All therapists have different personalities and varying approaches. Trust your intuition, only you know how you feel.


I see, thanks. I'll be seeing another one tomorrow and I'll stay with the one I feel better with.



Dan the man said:


> I'd add to the OP hopefully once you know the person it gets a little easier to open up. Assuming you're comfortable. Only you would know have a feel for that.
> 
> But I'd say if you're not gonna be honest the sessions will be a waste


I mean, I want to be as honest as I can be, it's not like I'm hiding any fact. Expressing my emotions is just something I'm not used to so I truly have no idea how to not become "emotionally detached" at some point. I guess I can ask him/her to help me at that.



truant said:


> It takes time for a therapist to get to know you and what your issues are, so you just have to be patient. The best thing you can do to speed up the process is to be as perfectly, brutally honest as you can be. The more honest you are, the sooner you'll see progress. But it's hard to be honest.


Ok! Thanks! I'll try to do that!



rabidfoxes said:


> I can only repeat what others have said. It takes time to get a therapist you click with! By all means see if the awkwardness goes in the second session but if not, I'd look for a different psychologist. The success of your therapy in large part depends on whether you feel you can 'connect' to your therapist, so it's important to find someone who works well for you.


Ok! Thanks! I'll be seeing another one tomorrow and I'll decide depending on the one I feel better talking to.


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## dr123

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