# Bad Therapists



## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

I think it would be sort of funny (in a sick kind of way) if we shared the ridiculous or just plain wrong things that therapists have said to us.

Disclaimer: I love therapy and know that there are mostly good ones out there. I just want to laugh at the bad ones 



I went to a first session with a therapist. I was describing to her how hard it was to walk through my college campus because I felt like everyone was looking at me and that I was very self-conscious of how I was walking. She LAUGHED at me! I don't remember her exact words, but she pretty much said "That's weird!" 
This same therapist also told me that my mom has anxiety. She had never met my mom, I didn't talk about my mom, and I'm pretty sure her code of ethics would tell her to not diagnose someone she's never met. Ha ha!


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## Aleforge (Jul 8, 2009)

Laughing at you? Wow, that is pretty horrible. I have had fairly good ones over the years, some better then others. But I don't have anything funny to share.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

Yeah, luckily I wasn't really hurt by it because it was our first session and she obviously was just very bad at her job.


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## socially inept (Mar 6, 2009)

ive seen my fair share of bad therapists. here is a couple of ridiculous things that have happend to me :

*the very first time i went to see any therapist what so ever , i didnt know what to do or say. i was really nervous and also felt a bit embarrassed about it all, i considered backing out.
when i got in there the therpaist sed ''right whats the problem '' and i just didnt know what to say . i didnt know i had social anxiety , i didnt even know it existed, all i knew was that i couldnt speak so i sed '' i dont know i just cant speak''

actaully saying that was really hard cos i was so nervous. as i sed it i was trembelling and stuttering and i sounded so stupid.

anyway in the next session the therapist actually made fun out of me because of it. she did an impression of me stuttering and trembeling and sed '' o the 1st time you came in here you were all like - ooo i cant sp sp sp speak ''

i couldnt beleive it 

*another time i went to see a guy therpaist and old him that sometimes i snort cocaine to help give me confidece in social situaions . he looked at me in disgust and said '' what !!!! you actually use cocaine?'' i replied ''yes'' and he just sat there looking at me in disgust for about 10 seconds and not saying aything at all

god help the person who goes to see him for help with a drug addiction problem


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## vak3 (Jun 25, 2009)

I went to see someone and was clearly having issues with SA. I couldn't make sentences, I was fidgeting, couldn't look at him, and all he did was stare at me. He didn't ask questions to help me through it or help me explain, he just sat there and waited for me to explain myself. Which just made it all worse. I walked out of there crying I was so anxious.


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## Melinda (Feb 5, 2009)

The first therapist I ever saw was really not a very good one, but being fifteen and extremely depressed/anxious, I didn't know that at the time. A few years later, when I told her that I had begun dating for the first time in my life, she immediately advised me (without even a 'congrats') that I ought not go farther than kissing with this person until married. :roll She was extremely religious, it turns out, and she let that aspect of her personality seep into her professional advice for me way too often. Nothing against her as a person, I just wanted somebody who could relate to me more.

The other therapists I have been to were all great, even the two who hadn't officially received their Ph.ds. I've been very lucky, I suppose.


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## dunky (Jul 10, 2009)

I stopped seeing my therapist because of what happened. My mother was having trouble understanding what exactly my limits are with SA, so the therapist suggested I bring her in for a session. Things were okay at first, but eventually they got talking about a job and school for me. This went from just words about how I'm doing and what my limits are to my therapist telling my mom that I needed to stop being lazy and get a job. I was so upset that I actually lashed out at her, surprising both her and my mother, and then stormed out of the office.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I have had more bad therapists than not. I don't wish to go into detail because it is distressing, but will mention one who was exceptionally bad. She had a professorship and many publications and would often describe me as having an eighth of a life, and say all sorts of awful things. It's frightening to think of the damage she might have left in her wake over the course of her 45-year-long career. She was a psychoanalyst and wrote about breastfeeding and childhood sexual and excretory functions in relation to the development of the psyche. 

I don't wish to go into detail. I have already done so when trying to inform my doctor, a counsellor, and the psychiatrist she worked under (none of whom really wanted to know.)


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

One of mine basically said, "but you're thin and pretty, so why would you have a problem making friends?"

Uh.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

Isn't it scary that they have no idea how to treat SA?? I am in my Master's program right now, and you really don't learn (at least I haven't yet) about the actual issues themselves. You learn techniques and theories like Cognitive Behavioral. 
There are so many other issues that therapists/doctors don't have the right information about, like domestic violence, too.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

^ True. There are so many knowledge gaps that I end up being the one teaching them. It's not only scary, but negligent of the profession to not maintain higher standards and requirements. After all, their field often overlaps with medicine. Treating someone with an eating disorder as though it is the fault of the relationship with their parents, even though the evidence in the literature supports strong genetic and neurological predisposing factors to eating disorders, is an example of this.


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## zaitrancer (Jul 10, 2009)

I've only seen one therapist and I think she's great, but I have a funny story anyway.

I never really have had a panic attack and am not sure what they are, but while waiting in her office waiting room last week all of a sudden the walls started closing in, I felt like I was in a dream, my heart started racing and these thoughts came rushing through my head that I was going crazy. Then I started to think I couldn't breathe and just about shouted for help.

When I walked into her office, flopped into a chair and squeaked out, "I think I'm having a panic attack," her response was a cheery, "Good!" 

We both had a great laugh about it as soon as the words came out, because what she meant to say was that she is skilled in treating anxiety disorders and enjoys guiding people down from states of high anxiety and panic. In other words, it couldn't have happened at a better time/place.


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## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

Lol, these are some funny stories. I can't believe how some therapists get their degrees. 

The only story I have is one day, my therapist was out sick so I instead saw some other therapist lady who was like the head honcho of the place. She brought me and my mother in her huge office. As I described my problem to her, she replied with "There's nothing wrong with you" like I was some stupid kid who just complains about everything and was just wasting her time. Me and my mom just looked at each other like WTF? When we left, my mom was like "wow, what a b*tch" and I just laughed.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I don't have any stories per se, but I had one therapist who used to spend at least half an hour telling me about her own life/problems.


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## Peekyboo (Aug 26, 2006)

^ me too! by the end of the session I knew she liked jalapenos and pineapple on her pizza, I swear on my life. Like are you kidding me!? then I had one that told me "stop being so cutesie" I don't even really know what that means, but I'm almost positive I'm not "cutesie". Then I had one that sat in front of me opening his mail for like 15 mins. Seriously, some of these people are jokes and should be fired permanently from their profession. For them to not take their job seriously with people who need positive reinforcement more than anything, they can actually make people worse off. It's hard to find a good therapist!


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## TigerLilyie (Jul 14, 2009)

Wow. That's terrible!! I hate therapist like that.

It's funny that you say that because I think that about myself as well. I get really self-conscious walking around people. I think they are all looking at me and thinking that I walk funny. Sorry about your therapist though. Ditch her!


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## Leigh20reed (Jul 23, 2008)

I had a therapist who on the one and only time i meet her inquired about my relationships and i told her i had a boyfriend of three years then she asked if we were sexually active and when i told her yes she gave me a lecture about pre-marital sex and how thats not what she chose for her life. Well thats great for you, could we maybe talk about MY SA and not your sex life. She then informed me i needed to develop a relationship with God and i would be fine. Awesome.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Wow I feel really bad for some of the people in here. It sounds like you went through experiences worse than I've been through. But as there was an occasion back in early 2007 I did get someone who didn't know what they were doing will share. It's not really a funny story as such, but will mention it here anyway!

I actually didn't know at the time I had Social Anxiety disorder. (this was before I was lucky enough to see a therapist later in the year who explained that to me) But did know that I had some kind of severe panic problem, as well as possible signs of OCD, and wanted some kind of thought therapy to help overcome these problems. I ended up seeing a counsellor, who was supposedly trained in dealing with anxiety problems. But after explaining in plenty of detail what the nature of my problems were, I soon noticed that she didn't seem prepared to offer any kind of advice or suggestions in how to overcome my problems. She just kept telling me the sessions were for me to talk as much as I wanted and did briefly mention that perhaps it would help if I started keeping a daily diary to keep track of my emotions. I thought at the time that was all very well, but wanted to know what kind of plan she had for actually helping me to overcome my problems. When I pointed out to her that my panic attacks were affecting me on a severe level and at work, and asked what suggestions she had, all that happened is that she handed me a leaflet which happened to have a few tips in it - but not the type of information I needed to know how to properly tackle them. And she didn't seem to have any other suggestions. I really felt that the whole thing had been a big waste of my time. I'd managed to find out a bit about CBT by that point, and asked if she provided it. She said she didn't. I pointed out that if that was the case, I felt I'd be better off seeing someone who did as that was the type of treatment I was looking for. She suddenly seemed extra keen to try and persuade me to commit to the rest of the 20 sessions with her that we'd initially agreed (I'd only been to 3 by that point) and to dissuade me from contacting anyone else at the organisation at which she was to make the enquiries I was planning to - and that she'd speak to someone instead. I didn't like this attitude at all and it confirmed in my mind that I really didn't want to deal with her again. So after leaving that session, I wrote her a letter to tell her I wasn't coming back to see her again and later that year decided to get referred to a different clinic through my doctor - which worked out much better.


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

Oh my gosh! I have had so many bad therapists. I am so glad I don't have to see any therapists any more.

I think the worst one was a speech therapist at school. I think the assignment she gave me was something like saying "hi" in the hallways to some people I ate lunch with at school.

It wasn't that the assignment was that tough, but I was really scared to do it for some reason. This therapist kept grilling me about why I was scared and why I didn't want to do the assignment- even though I kept saying that I didn't want to talk about it. She still kept grilling me, saying "Why don't you want to do this assignment?" over and over again.

It wouldn't matter if she said this with compassion or something, but the tone was so accusatory. At this point, I felt like I was incapable of doing anything and started crying right there in her office. She then starts grilling me about why I was crying. I was SO embarassed at this point and just ended up crying some more. Ugh. I really did not like that lady. I am so glad I don't have to see her anymore.


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## shychick2 (Oct 20, 2008)

Actually that reminds me of my psychotherapy assessment where I ended up crying. I thought he was not showing any empathy and he just said that the leaflet he had sent let me know what to expect of psychotherapy. I cried from fustration of spending 1-2 years being passed round the NHS with no treatment, then finally ending up being grilled in an uncaring way by this guy. His verdict was that I might have Asperger's as I couldn't explain why I was crying and read his behaviour as uncaring. I think we both decided psychotherapy was not for me - at least not with him!
Never resolved the Asperger's issue and still have a paranoia that he could have been right.

On the funny side:
I saw a relationship therapist. She was telling me how her sex therapist friends went to a conference and came back with loads of adult products genuinely to help clients they treated. They got stopped by customs and weren't allowed to take them through as they thought it was a bit dodgy have loads of this stuff! It makes me laugh imagining a group of middle aged women therapists trying to explain.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

My worst experience with a therapist was:

I was talking about how my father taught me to see myself (as a piece of worthless @#$%) and how I didn't have a mother (she died when i was 5), and that my stepmother was physically and emotionally abusive, so _I had no positive adult at all in my childhood to internalize_. Mainly I see myself the way my father did. He looked at me with disgust and like he wanted to kill me for all those years.

Anyway, she says in a soft voice, "So you see yourself through your father's filter." I thought she was summarizing what I just said, or trying to show she understood how I feel. So I said, "Yeah," and felt kind of good that she understood me.

Then she says real sarcastically, "And whose choice is that?" As if I should forget my whole entire life experience and pretend to have some imaginary parents that cared about me!?! It felt like I got hit in the head with a 2x4. I should've quit that day, but I was too dependent and stayed in a sick therapy where she actually blamed me. Three years later I finally quit but she was still blaming me for not getting better. But the ***** had no idea what to do. Guess that was somehow my fault too!!

She was useless. Maybe they all are...I hope not because I want to be a therpist, but I'm starting to wonder if psychotherapy is all just a sham and the counselors just charlatans. :um


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I see the "b" word in my post got automatically edited into 5 stars.....


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Pam said:


> I see the "b" word in my post got automatically edited into 5 stars.....


She was one though. Woo-eee. See she has a strong will (perhpas partially from some astro combonation of some strong-willed signs, did you ever find out her birthday or do a search to find out online lol) and she doesn't understand that all others do not. She sees the world through her ambitious will-driven and obnoxious filter. She is all action, lacks reasoning and feeling. She doesn't communicate well but she commands instead. That's not communicating. She took advantage of your fragile boundaries. I have beeen through it myself and only could understand years later that that is what it was. It was like I was in a daze about it. There are good therapists out there but unfortunately when some of us go when we are used to being abused we dont' know what a good therapist is.


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## MsAriadne (Jul 13, 2009)

Yep, my last therapist forgot what we'd talked about at our last session. She basically had no clue what I needed. The whole final session with her she spent looking at her watch, which drives me absolutely nutty. I felt like a total inconvenience, which I shouldn't have felt because I was paying her to help me, dammit. I'm in the process of looking for someone who will actually pay attention to me and work with me. Wonder if one of those exists. Will someone let me know?


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I've experienced a watch-checker therapist too. I left feeling much worse because it was as though not even a therapist could display interest in me, even though it's their job. And she kept yawning.

Another psychoanalyst I encountered kept trying to persuade me to join his group therapy. He refused to allow me to commit to less than a year of sessions. I told him I was always unable to speak when in a group of people, but he said I could just sit there silently, even if it turned out to be for months. I couldn't see the point.

He tried very hard over a period of weeks to persuade me to join, and when he finally realised I would not, behaved as though I did not know what was best for me. It felt like some attempt at indoctrination. Maybe these psychoanalytic therapy groups are really some form of cult. :shock


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## eileenAKAmommy (Jul 7, 2009)

The first time I EVER went to a therapist was because my parents thought I needed to talk to someone because I was having SEX. (I was 15 or 16).

The therapist asked me why I was having sex.. I wanted to scream at her BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD! But I just ignored the question.


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## Annyka (Apr 21, 2009)

that ***** doesn't sound very good therapist. good you got rid of her!

this reminds me of my ex-psychologist who was mad at me because i found it difficult to talk with her. she must have forgot why i was there...

i can relate to what you wrote about your father. relationship between me and my father is quite the same.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Sunshine009 said:


> She was one though. Woo-eee. See she has a strong will (perhpas partially from some astro combonation of some strong-willed signs, did you ever find out her birthday or do a search to find out online lol) and she doesn't understand that all others do not. She sees the world through her ambitious will-driven and obnoxious filter. She is all action, lacks reasoning and feeling. She doesn't communicate well but she commands instead. That's not communicating. She took advantage of your fragile boundaries. I have beeen through it myself and only could understand years later that that is what it was. It was like I was in a daze about it. There are good therapists out there but unfortunately when some of us go when we are used to being abused we dont' know what a good therapist is.


Not to offend anyone, but she was Saggitarius, and would blurt out stuff without thinking at all. But in psychotherapy, you are supposed to watch what you say & act professionally. I pointed this out to her many times and she just kept saying "nobody's perfect." Right but is that a license to not have to do your job? 
Another time she said I was "too nit-picky" about her words. I told her if she meant to say "abc" and instead she said "xyz" which offends me, then don't get mad at me for being upset because you don't think before you open your mouth. I can only go by what you actually say... (yes I actually argued with her all the time like this. I feel stupid for it now--I should have walked out but she somehow had me feeling like no one else would be able to help me and created an unhealthy dependence in me) 
Other times when I assumed I knew what she meant, and I was wrong, she criticized me for "making assumptions" and "you're not supposed to do that." OK, soooo I'm not supposed to take her literally, and I'm _also_ not supoosed to assume I know what she meant...what an idiot I must be--why do I even have a brain at all? Apparently I'm not supposed to use it! 
Funny you mention boundaries--she had very loose boundaries herself. It's hard to explain, but that can mess with a patient's head and make them worse. Because of the inconsistency and unreliability.
She seemed to have all the negative qualities of Sag, and no positives! :roll


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

So many of the stories on this thread are maddening to read! I feel so bad for other people on here. It's terrible how incompetent so many therapists are!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? :mum


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## Polgara (May 21, 2009)

My psychiatrist thought it was hilarious when I was described my father got violent at home. Not beating us but basically breaking down the house. Now I do talk in a jokey smiley kinda way to mask the pain but still... Also the last time I had a session with him and I was really really in a dark place he said "what do we do now? how am I supposed to help you now?". Idiot. Looking now for another psychiatrist as my meds and me have become pretty close. My psychologist rocks though


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## gregt (Jul 15, 2009)

Last year, after some research, I discovered that I'd been living with many symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. I figured as long as I'm paying for Kaiser Permanente coverage, let's see what they can do for me. I went to my main doctor and explained everything to her. Before I was finished, she went to work on her computer and said, "Well, you don't have autisim. That's like for kids who can't get out of bed or talk to anyone. You just have a Type-A personality -- you think you're always right and everyone should listen to you. Here's a prescription for your headaches."

In other words (as I interpreted it): "You're not sick, you're just a jerk."

Needless to say, she's no longer my doctor. I did go to an actual psychiatrist at Kaiser who is, in fact, extremely thoughtful and intelligent, who listened carefully to everything I had to say, and explained everything he had to say thoroughly. He's now my doctor.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Pam said:


> Not to offend anyone, but she was Saggitarius, and would blurt out stuff without thinking at all. But in psychotherapy, you are supposed to watch what you say & act professionally. I pointed this out to her many times and she just kept saying "nobody's perfect." Right but is that a license to not have to do your job?
> Another time she said I was "too nit-picky" about her words. I told her if she meant to say "abc" and instead she said "xyz" which offends me, then don't get mad at me for being upset because you don't think before you open your mouth. I can only go by what you actually say... (yes I actually argued with her all the time like this. I feel stupid for it now--I should have walked out but she somehow had me feeling like no one else would be able to help me and created an unhealthy dependence in me)
> Other times when I assumed I knew what she meant, and I was wrong, she criticized me for "making assumptions" and "you're not supposed to do that." OK, soooo I'm not supposed to take her literally, and I'm _also_ not supoosed to assume I know what she meant...what an idiot I must be--why do I even have a brain at all? Apparently I'm not supposed to use it!
> Funny you mention boundaries--she had very loose boundaries herself. It's hard to explain, but that can mess with a patient's head and make them worse. Because of the inconsistency and unreliability.
> She seemed to have all the negative qualities of Sag, and no positives! :roll


Oh gosh  :cry :afr

The extroverted ones can have a superstrong will. I think I have dealt with a number of them before I learned about astrology. (I don't use astrology for deciding what to do but it indicates feelings and tendencies, our free will is always present and we can discipline ourselves against our feelings.)I am sensitive to words too (I had written more, but I do not want to offend anyone either with saying things about astrology types. I have a few people that have treated me very well who are sags and I love.)

The last time I tried to see a therapist it was a sliding scale fee and she looked and acted rough. I am kind of more sensitive like, a lot, and I felt like she did not like me on sight and I could feel the differences right away and I wondered if I should care or if I was being judgmental. She tried to provoke me into an argument but I did not go there at every turn. She looked out of control to me. I felt like I was on some higher level which I am not but it felt like that in relation to her. It seems it is very important to find someone that you feel comfortable with. She was careless in her choice of words also and I kept having to reinterpet what she really meant in myself and I thought I don't need to do this with other people I am sure. This is just a bad fit for me I thought. I know there are therapists that are in control of themselves and are not mean and they speak thoughtfully. I'm glad you are not seeing her anymore


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## GirlInABox (Jan 1, 2009)

Reading all these posts about past experiences with bad therapists makes me extremely grateful that my first and current therapist is pretty good. Sometimes I tend to doubt her sincerity and determination in really helping me cope with SA, but I’m pretty sure any negative thing I dig up is all conjured in my head and has no concrete evidence behind it to prove that her sincerity isn’t real. She is the real deal and I think she hasn’t even gotten her PhD yet if I’m not mistaken. I may not always like going to my therapist for reasons of facing things I rather hide from, but she does help me. 

I can’t say I would have taken a bad experience with a bad therapist as well as some of you guys; I would probably have never wanted to try another therapist again after the bad one. Anyway I hope all those who haven’t found a good therapist yet soon finds that good and compassionate one who really knows what they are talking about and wants to help you.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

I already wrote one but I have another.
I had a therapist who, on the very first session, told me that I needed to bring my diary in for her to read. I told her I didn't feel comfortable with that, but she kept pushing for it. I thought that was so weird! And if I knew she was going to read it, I wouldn't be able to write honestly in it! 
That therapist also sucked because she wanted me to have a session with my dad, I said absolutely not, and then she invited him to a session without my consent. I then had to refuse to do the session with him, making everything worse. Thanks, lady!

I also had a psychiatrist who would try to pump me for information. She would ask me if I drank (I was 16). I would say yes. She would say "Don't do that!" Ok... That's as far as the conversation would go after I told her something. How hard is it to talk to me a little bit and help me figure out what I do that? Some people..


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## rachelynn (Sep 12, 2008)

My first therapist, when I finally decided to leave her, she was telling me that I can't do that, that I needed to go back and talk to her about why I wanted to quit and stuff...well, she said something like, hmm I actually can't summarize her words, sorry, but...she wanted me to talk to her on the phone and we NEVER talked about the phone in sessions, so how could drawing pictures, going outside in my yard and spending less time on the computer help me use the phone? (or even talk to people) I don't know...I don't get that. And she also came up with this idea that I had a fear of falling down the stairs, but that wasn't true. :um 

Another thing is, I had started group sessions with another girl. (same therapist, my first one) and I was hoping it would be another girl with SA, but she didn't have SA...she just had a "pervasive developmental disorder" well, that was ok and NOTHING against her, she was a nice person, and I didn't mind....but she wasn't exactly "normal"...after I left, I was thinking, how can having group sessions with this person even help? I mean, a little yes, but the majority of people you talk to out there, are more normal....I dont really know how to explain this without sounding mean, and I DO NOT mean this in a mean way. Im just trying to explain hmm...Its hard to explain! But my therapist said, that I needed to accept my own "disability" and be more open to those with them too....BUT HELLO! Ive lived with 3 uncles my whole life who have mental problems, cerebral palsy, disabilities etc etc I KNOW what it's like and I DO accept people like that....and I don't have a "disability" like that! I have anxiety!!


Im glad now after trying out 5 different people, I have finally found a good therapist! Atleast I hope she's good...but Im pretty sure she is. :boogie


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

^ When my therapist was trying to persuade me to join group therapy, I had the opposite problem; I was the one with a pervasive developmental disorder (autism) and the others were not. :lol

They were also apparently much older than me, but the age gap was the only difference my therapists were concerned about. I made the decision not to attend because of the other, much more important, difference.


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## 1ShyGuy (Jul 1, 2009)

I hate therapists. I don't trust them at all. I had a real bad experience with one, that made my probs ten times worse


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

gregt said:


> Last year, after some research, I discovered that I'd been living with many symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. I figured as long as I'm paying for Kaiser Permanente coverage, let's see what they can do for me. I went to my main doctor and explained everything to her. Before I was finished, she went to work on her computer and said, "Well, you don't have autisim. That's like for kids who can't get out of bed or talk to anyone. You just have a Type-A personality -- you think you're always right and everyone should listen to you. Here's a prescription for your headaches."
> 
> In other words (as I interpreted it): "You're not sick, you're just a jerk."
> 
> Needless to say, she's no longer my doctor. I did go to an actual psychiatrist at Kaiser who is, in fact, extremely thoughtful and intelligent, who listened carefully to everything I had to say, and explained everything he had to say thoroughly. He's now my doctor.


did she just look up some internet quiz on personality types? haha, wtf.


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## shygirl14 (May 23, 2009)

the therapist I had last year, he would just sit there and stare at me, it was kind of creepy at first, then I thought he was playing some pyschilogical game with me to see if I would talk and that wasnt' the case. All he did was made my anxiety worse, I wanted to know more about dreams and why I would wake up in an attack, all he told me was you need to get your blood work done to see if your low on folic acid and he also wanted to know my thryroid. he wanted to give me drugs and I told him if he did I wasnt' going to take them, he was such an idiot, I cried everytime I had to see him.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

My therapist kind of imitates the behavior of his patients.
He probably thinks that it's better when he interacts with patients on the same level...
But when he imitates me, he actually makes my mental state even more disturbed than it is...
Often, he just contradicts common sense. Sometimes the things he says to me are just ******g preposterous...
What's worse is that he contradicts himself. He might give me some advise or an opinion, and like, in a month or two, he will state otherwise....
He talks to me like I'm a complete lunatic and he does not admit it, when i complain about it
It makes me feel stupid


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

shygirl14 said:


> the therapist I had last year, he would just sit there and stare at me, it was kind of creepy at first, then I thought he was playing some pyschilogical game with me to see if I would talk and that wasnt' the case.


I've had a couple of starers. It's ridiculous them thinking it will make someone who is very anxious more likely to speak. Yes one counsellor actually told me this! He thought that if he waited in silence for me to initiate the sessions, I'd eventually learn to do so.

It didn't happen, because being stared at in silence only escalated my anxiety and killed rapport. He seemed to think I was playing some kind of mind game (saying that he could never stay silent long enough to _win_ against me) when in fact he was the one playing games.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

That's not cool if you talked to him about it and he wouldn't address the issue with you. You're paying him for his service and if it's not quality service, you might just have to go somewhere else! They have an obligation to give us effective treatment.


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## jaayhou (Jun 20, 2007)

As much as I hate to admit it, therapists are human too. More likely than not, they have their own problems and worries. If every one of them went to school because of an insatiable urge to help people, there wouldn't be that many therapists out there. We often expect them to walk on water, and we're disappointed when they fall short of our expectations.

That said, my girlfriend is graduating with her masters in marriage and family therapy. I've met her class, and I've seen the dark side. Some of these people have no business trying to help others. Half of these people should be seeing therapists of their own.


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## MET45 (Jul 29, 2009)

Hi there,

I'm new to these forums and decided to join to see if I could help answer a couple of questions as a therapist in practice in the UK. I hope you don't mind me adding my opinion, apologies if I ought to have introduced myself in another thread rather than jumping straight in!

There are of course bad therapists everywhere, sadly. I could tell you a few stories about other therapists I've heard about through clients or have met myself.

However there are also many different interpretations of what therapies work, and the client's perception of what is going on in the session. I would urge anyone experiencing discomfort with the process to bring it to the therapist's attention where possible - I appreciate that in itself can be difficult. As someone said they (we) are human too and occasionally get things wrong.

Silence for example is a technique commonly used across lots of therapies (and especially in psychodynamic which is one of the 2 types of counselling/psychotherapy available on the NHS in the UK), but the therapist should only be giving what the client is ready for. Different therapies suit different clients, which is why I practise integratively.

And as Jaayhou says about some therapists needing therapy themselves - actually, any therapist bound by any kind of ethical code in the UK should be receiving supervision and possibly personal therapy as well to ensure they don't bring in their own issues. I don't know about other countries - the systems seem to work very different in the US for example. 

Going into therapy is a lot about trusting the professional as well as trusting the process. It saddens me that so many of you have had negative experiences.

Odd One Out, was your therapist Gestalt?


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## Efsee (Jul 20, 2009)

Wow, some of these are really awful. The worst therapist I've been to was when I was 14. She told me that I had gender issues on the first session because I didn't feel comfortable wearing girly clothes. If she had been less hasty in diagnosing me with something she would have seen that it was because I didn't want attention being drawn to me. I wanted to fade into the background.

the last therapist that I tried going to had this habit of smiling even when what I was saying was not something to smile about. Maybe it was just a habit.

There are some good therapists. I used to see one a few years back whom I felt I had a connection with. It sucks that I was too emotionally immature back then to work on improving myself.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

MET45 said:


> However there are also many different interpretations of what therapies work, and the client's perception of what is going on in the session. I would urge anyone experiencing discomfort with the process to bring it to the therapist's attention where possible - I appreciate that in itself can be difficult. As someone said they (we) are human too and occasionally get things wrong.


That's good advice. But in my case all but one said the discomfort was necessary for my treatment. I'm very conscientious and prepared for hard work, but they would not accept my needs or opinions concerning the treatment, adhering dogmatically to their respective schools of thought. The exception, who was a young female, did not and was a flexible person in general.



MET45 said:


> And as Jaayhou says about some therapists needing therapy themselves - actually, any therapist bound by any kind of ethical code in the UK should be receiving supervision and possibly personal therapy as well to ensure they don't bring in their own issues. I don't know about other countries - the systems seem to work very different in the US for example.


I had most of my therapy through the health service. It's very difficult to regulate when a therapist is alone in a room with the client. Many clients are vulnerable and bad behaviour occurs even among the most renowned and qualified therapists, which I experienced. I think there should be a better regulatory system - for instance, having the clients give written feedback anonymously on their experiences and having a clear complaint pathway. I complained about the abusive comments of the first therapist I mentioned here to the psychiatrist in her team, my doctor, and a counsellor. None of them wanted to know and dismissed my concerns by placing all the blame on the lack of therapeutic relationship and the type of therapy not fitting me.



MET45 said:


> Odd One Out, was your therapist Gestalt?


No, none I've had were Gestalt. I have had behavioural therapy, CBT, general counselling and psychodynamic. The 3 psychodynamic therapists were the most dogmatic in approach and harmful.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

Efsee said:


> ...the last therapist that I tried going to had this habit of smiling even when what I was saying was not something to smile about. Maybe it was just a habit.


Mine used to smile at inappropriate times too. It would piss me off so I'd stop in mid-sentence and say, "Why are you smiling? This isn't funny!" And then I'd look at her like she was the crazy one. Then she'd wipe the smile off her face, put on an almost pouty face, and sit there pretending to feel bad for me. She was so fake! The whole thing was a joke!


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## Happ2beme (Jul 13, 2009)

The guy I went to years ago looked bored as if he knew exactly what I was gonna say and he reply with his srcript. My doctor suggested I go back and I have an appointment with him again in August.


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## MET45 (Jul 29, 2009)

odd_one_out said:


> they would not accept my needs or opinions concerning the treatment, adhering dogmatically to their respective schools of thought. The exception, who was a young female, did not and was a flexible person in general.


I hear you.
Unfortunately, classically trained and NHS-bound therapists simply aren't allowed to deviate :| It's not really surprising that so many of us don't want to work for the NHS. The NHS usually only offers Psychodynamic (old school) and CBT (cheap because it's quick). Most decent therapists I know in private practice combine multiple and more forward-thinking therapies.


odd_one_out said:


> Many clients are vulnerable and bad behaviour occurs even among the most renowned and qualified therapists, which I experienced.


Some of the worst examples of abusive therapists I could quote you are of highly regarded lecturing therapists. Who are also supervised by the same. Sadly, it's a fact that in every profession there is a small minority who bring the rest into disrepute.


odd_one_out said:


> I think there should be a better regulatory system; for example, having the clients give written feedback anonymously on their experiences and having a clear complaints procedure. However, none of them wanted to know and dismissed my concerns by placing all the blame on the lack of therapeutic relationship and the type of therapy not fitting me.


That's a great idea and I do agree with it. What's difficult is that say you have a client who thinks everyone dislikes him - if he gives written feedback to that effect, who's to know what's really going on? This stresses the importance of supervision although you're absolutely right, to an extent the client has to simply trust the therapist. In private practice, a client will vote with their feet, but not so easy for them to do in the NHS system. On the rare occasions I've had a client leave me unexpectedly I've invited feedback and sought further supervision which I believe all therapists should do. However, again, it's very easy for a client not to be prepared to invest in the process/be ready for it and blame the therapist. A very grey area.

However all NHS therapists (I believe, I could be wrong) are members of a regulatory body such as the BABCP, the BACP or the UKCP. 


odd_one_out said:


> The 3 psychodynamic therapists I had were the most dogmatic in approach and harmful.


Yep. There is little allowance made I feel for the client's belief system within such rigid structures. And the silence thing can be downright abusive if not explained properly.


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## Bullheaded (Jul 30, 2009)

Therapists are a lot like teachers. A few of them are rockstars, more than a few are decent enough (for most people), and a lot of them are the fillers just trying to get their bills paid.

The first therapist I saw in my teens was discussing my self mutilation and straight up told me I wasn't too serious of a cutter since I had only used my dominant hand to cut. Guess which hand I used with a brand new razor the next time I felt the urge to cut?
I probably should've received about 6 stitches for what I did to my right forearm with my left hand, but 2 bandaids and an hour of freaking out holding the skin together worked well enough.

I had one who never talked to me. I mean, there were at least 3 sessions where I didn't say a word. I calculated it out that I should've thrown a nickel at her every 1.2 seconds to cover the cost of the BS "therapy". She refused to ask questions. Wtf?

I've gone through a slew of bad and mediocre/worthless therapists throughout my lifetime. I have FINALLY found a rockstar and she is currently trying EMDR treatments on me.​


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## supreme.mugwump (Mar 13, 2009)

Wow, can I just say that all these stories make me feel very lucky! I have only seen one psychologist, and she's great. I am actually quite scared of them being inappropriate e.g. talking about themselves or overstepping boundaries (although this has never happened). It would make me feel awful. I don't want to know anything about mine because tbh, i don't want her to be a real person! It would add so much confusion. So yeah, I'm lucky.


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## MET45 (Jul 29, 2009)

supreme.mugwump said:


> I am actually quite scared of them being inappropriate e.g. talking about themselves or overstepping boundaries (although this has never happened).


Great that you've got someone who you value. This bit I find interesting, thanks for sharing that.

There has been some interesting research done about what makes good or bad therapy and the findings were that the turning point for clients recovering across all the types of therapies available, length of training and type of therapist as a person (etc etc) was the point where the therapist seems human or even fallible to the client - where the client can identify with them as a person.

When I started out I never ever self disclosed, I do so more now as I sometimes find it very powerful in building rapport and demonstrating to my client that I have empathy.

(I do so always appropriately of course and boundaries are always very firmly in place.)

As an adjunct to that, some of the best therapy I have ever received was with a therapist I didn't actually like. She pushed buttons that needed pushing for me to be able to recognise what was going on. That was a real turning point for me.

Interesting stuff, and thanks for letting me muscle in on your forum/thread.


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## supreme.mugwump (Mar 13, 2009)

MET45 said:


> There has been some interesting research done about what makes good or bad therapy and the findings were that the turning point for clients recovering across all the types of therapies available, length of training and type of therapist as a person (etc etc) was the point where the therapist seems human or even fallible to the client - where the client can identify with them as a person.


Uh oh does that mean I am not getting better?! :sus Yeah, I often have bad dreams for a few nights before a session about it, e.g. that she is running very late, or that she turns it into a group session, says inappropriate things etc. Dunno why... it never happens.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

> I had most of my therapy through the NHS. It is very difficult to regulate when a therapist is alone in a room with the client. Many clients are vulnerable and bad behaviour occurs even among the most renowned and qualified therapists, which I experienced. I think there should be a better regulatory system; for example, having the clients give written feedback anonymously on their experiences and having a clear complaints procedure. I complained about the abusive comments of the first therapist I mentioned in this thread to the psychiatrist in her team, my GP, and a counsellor. However, none of them wanted to know and dismissed my concerns by placing all the blame on the lack of therapeutic relationship and the type of therapy not fitting me.


I was just thinking about this today! I have just started to see a new therapist. I've only had 2 sessions and, unfortunately, I can't stand her. I really want to give her some feedback on how she could improve, but there's no formal system for it and it's really not my place to correct her. I'm just going to switch to a different person. But yeah, I wish we could give them anonymous feedback.

During our intake session, I kept noticing that she talked a lot. And by a lot, I mean I probably only said a sentence every ten minutes. I thought maybe it was just because it was the intake session. For our second session, she talked about herself the ENTIRE TIME. I probably said 4 words during the entire session. I am very disappointed, to say the least.


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## dirty rich (Aug 21, 2009)

ughh...i've only gone to one official "therapist" with a Ph.D or whatever but i had trouble talking to her because i was so embarrassed and the whole self-disclosure thing is kinda hard....so everytime she asked me a question i was like "uhhh i dont know" and we kinda just sat there in silence for some of the time and she got mad at me because she thought i was against seeing her and i didn't want to be there and i lack motivation or whatever ....wtf i thought shrinks are supposed to be non-judgemental and this woman was genuinely ANGRY at me 

i hated her she made me feel like **** everytime i went home from there i would up crying for 5 hours straight going to sleep waking up in the middle of the night and crying some more....it was so unbearable i wound up cutting myself and i dont usually do that i'm not depressed


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## dirty rich (Aug 21, 2009)

strawberryjulius said:


> One of mine basically said, "but you're thin and pretty, so why would you have a problem making friends?"
> 
> Uh.


haha that's what a counselor i went to said to me basically not in those words though

also my first shrink (whom i hated i only went to her 3 times) forgot what i told her....in the first session i told her about how i lost the only friend i had (at the time) because i got drunk for the first time with her and would up telling her she was a moron and basically i made an *** out of myself....she asked for like every little detail of this story...this was like half our session.....and on the 3rd session when she was pushing the antidepressants thing she was like "well they'll make you more confident, have you ever had alcohol before? it will make you feel like that, more confident"

wtf i doubt SSRI's will make me feel as good as i do when i'm drunk....and it pissed me off that she forgot about what i told her


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

Time to revive this thread, unfortunately!

I was trying to open up to my therapist and told her how hard it is for me to talk with people and how much I hate "small talk". Her brilliant advice? Look at Reader's Digest for ideas of things to say! She then pulled out a copy and started talking about how interesting the swine flu article was. She knew that I was going to a bachelorette party and was nervous because I didn't know anyone. What did she want me to do, talk about swine flu at the party?? 
It's extra frustrating because I'm in grad school for social work so I know what the appropriate response from her should have been! She does not reflect my feelings at all, and she doesn't seek to understand why I think/act/feel the way I do. She just tries to give advice, which you're totally not supposed to do. And her advice sucks. /rant


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

hahaha. reader's digest, thats quite funny


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## Your Crazy (Feb 17, 2009)

For some reason we got on the subject of smoking weed. I told him I don't smoke. He responds with, "well marijuana comes from the ground so it's natural...". He was basically implying that I start smoking to relax me. Now if I were a dumbass and actually listened to him, I probably would have addiction along with my SAD, depression, OCD, and all the other crap that's wrong with me. That was the last session I had with him, and the last therapist I went/will go to.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

deeds14 said:


> I was trying to open up to my therapist and told her how hard it is for me to talk with people and how much I hate "small talk". Her brilliant advice? Look at Reader's Digest for ideas of things to say!


Now there's some food for thought..


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I'm on the other side of the fence and have actually had a great experience with my therapist and she helped me very much.

I'm not sure if it's true about all therapists in America but I do hear a lot of bad things about them for some reason.


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## StacySkellington (Aug 18, 2009)

not about a therapist, but a psychiatrist...this guy really is a quack

first off....he asked me what my religion was and i said i didn't have one...he laughed and said..."oh you don't have kids yet" and then lectured me about how i really need to find religion...

then! he told me i was bipolar...my butt was not in that seat for more than 4 minutes! i hadn't even told him anything behaviorally yet!

he asked me how many tattoos and piercings i have...which aren't that many really (2 nose piercings, 2 tattoos)...and said "yes, you are bipolar"

WHAT?!!

he gave me lithium...needless to say i only saw him once...and my doctor and therapist were baffled.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

During my first psychiatrist visit, I went with my dad so he could pay the co-payments and sign some papers. I'm pretty sure the psychiatrist actually asked my dad to sit with me while he analyzed my problems (unless I was horrifically anxious that day, I probably would've asked him to do that). One of his questions was "did you ever abuse drugs or alcohol?" I said no and when he saw the expression on my face, he asked my dad to go outside for a minute. He asked me again and when I told him yes he let my dad back in. He also asked my dad if I had any unusual behaviors. I was completely embarrassed


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## Bronkaren (Apr 13, 2012)

*Never went back*

I was seeing a new therapist through the EAP program at work. At the end of the session, I told her that I am a cutter. She said what's that. I told her that I cut myself. She laughed and said, "I hope you don't do that in here. I just ordered white couches." I never went back.


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## kpx0 (Mar 12, 2012)

Melinda said:


> A few years later, when I told her that I had begun dating for the first time in my life, she immediately advised me (without even a 'congrats') that I ought not go farther than kissing with this person until married. :roll She was extremely religious, it turns out, and she let that aspect of her personality seep into her professional advice for me way too often.


Anywhere outside the US, she would get fired for that.


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