# Social Anxiety and Every Girl I Meet Becoming a Romantic Interest



## bingo296 (Jul 6, 2012)

I feel I am cursed in a way. Like many of you, I am extremely shy, I avoid social situations when I can, and I can't hold a conversation well with strangers. Actually, that was me about one year ago, before I was thrust in a fast-paced work environment where I was FORCED to be social. I was thrown into the fire, forced to fend for myself. As stressful as the ordeal was, I came out for the better. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not 100% though. Not even 75%. A comparison would be, I went from a hermit, to a turtle - that is, I went from a shut-in, to someone who tends to avoid most social situations, but can fare well (better than I ever would have been able to) if I must do so.

The problem is, I can only communicate easily to MALES.

I feel I am an attractive person. Girls think I'm "cute", people that I can easily communicate to think I'm funny.. Yet, I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm 20 in a few days. Every girl I meet that shows the slightest bit of attention_(which is rare, because I'm not in that job I was talking about anymore, I've yet to go back to school, and because of this, social situations where there's a girl around my age are far and few between. )_ I immediately have a romantic interest in _(Yes, that is a movie quote.)_. Despite this, I can't ACT upon those desperate feelings because I can't even hold a conversation with that girl. So I end up ignoring her, what I, at least think are, signs of interest. My words to her are forced. I can't be funny. I am just static. She ends up thinking I'm awkward, or she may feel insecure, maybe shot-down or something. I may eye them, and they get the idea that I'm interested in them, but after that, there's nothing. They probably feel I'm ignoring them or something. Hell, I don't even know if they actually like me, so think I'm just plain quiet / awkward, while I mislead myself. Clearly I've been dealt a very complicated set of variables. I mean, I can't truly love every single girl that I encounter. I know why I'm like this. It's that I've never been given an intimate level of attention from any female ever, because my social anxiety prevents it.. so therefore, I become momentarily obsessed with each girl I have an extended encounter with. For probably a day after these extended encounters, I regret not "making a move", I'll feel lonely, and maybe even annoyed.. I am even writing this now because I am currently in one of those phases of regret. It is a terrible regret. I feel horrible... Yet, I am only feeling horrible because I can't truly realize that I was only feeling false emotions. If only I could understand that, and truly believe it.. and then I would be free.

So I guess I'm just ranting, and I'm secretly hoping if anyone can relate to this.

Good luck and peace to you all.


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## jack23 (Aug 27, 2007)

Once you get into one, the obsessiveness goes away little by little, with each experience.

Read through the positive thoughts thread and find ways to counteract your beliefs that you have about yourself. They work wonders.

One of the things that helps me with girls is getting over the all or nothing thoughts. Signs of interest need to be diminished a bit, signs of disinterest need to be diminished as well. Change the perception of the situation by thinking, "It won't be a disaster if I get rejected. If I find out she's into it, I didn't hit the lottery. We are just having a conversation, things happen, and I'm gonna go with it."


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## John3 (Jun 27, 2012)

I've always been the same way pretty much. I feel that I grow attached to girls way too quickly, or quicker than the average person. I'm 25 and have had a number of girlfriends, but it is something that experience doesn't necessarily change. It must be related to anxiety in some way, or some type of self-esteem issue?

I'm a very confident person, love to socialize when I feel comfortable, and have a lot of friends that are girls. I am fairly comfortable asking a girl on a date or initiating a relationship. But for whatever reason, I still get lonely easily and become attached to girls even though I realize the nature of it -- that it's not "real" or "special" because it happens so easily.

Focusing on the positive... girls think you're cute, that's an awesome thing! When you meet girls, don't feel like you "should" be making a move. Chances are, someone you feel this way about, you'll be seeing them again, so there should be no rush! Worse comes to worst, you'll make a good friendship. Or, if your interest stays strong and the girl has interest too, it will just happen when you least expect it or aren't trying. There might be a case where the girl is really shy and you might indeed need to make some type of obvious move by asking her out or something, or if there is a chance you might not otherwise see the girl again, but a situation like that will probably make itself obvious.

Most of the time, just talking to a nice pretty girl, that IS the destination right there


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Do you have the problem when talking to girls you don't think are attractive? Just wondering. That sucks though I have felt similarly at times crushed on a lot of my guy friends even when I knew they weren't interested . I think I got over it by just telling myself that it wasn't an option from the beginning , that leads to a whole nother set of problems but if I go in believing there isn't a chance of romance I am less stressed out talking to guys. And have made some pretty cool friends over the years. I don't stay in touch with them but they have still made a difference in my life.


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## cioco (Jun 30, 2012)

The novelty wears off after a while. 

I went to an all girls school so back then, couldn't ever talk to a guy! And any guy who was slightly closer to me - I'd feel attraction towards (not necessarily a crush). Then I went to uni and for some reason all my friends are guys now. The novelty wore off after one week at uni. I see things around me as gender neutral. I think it helps SA (especially when talking to the opposite sex) to tell yourself not to gender stereotype. 

When I was in highschool and had no guy contact, I thought guys were all jerks who only talked to pretty girls, only wanted sex, never took anything seriously and had no feelings. I actually thought they were incapable of emotions lol. And all the chick flicks I watched where the guy's romantic...I just thought they were exaggerations or fantasies.

In my extremely limited experience as a human being lol, I find it's not whether the're girls or guys, it's whether they have the same interest in things as I do. I'm as awkward around guys or girls who are only excited about sex and sports. But I'm just oh so excited when I meet a guy or girl who plays video games, loves music or just have funny things to tell me lol.


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## ingenious53 (May 27, 2011)

Bingo296, I have the same issue. The biggest problem for me is not starting, but maintaining a conversation. Therefore, every time a girl shows any interest, I fear the inability of maintaining a conversation. I also wanted to applaud you for turning a stressful situation into a positive.


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## spammer1234141 (May 22, 2012)

Those without social anxiety usually have more relationships and less problems finding relationships. Those who have less problems establishing relationships are not too concerned about finding a girl because they know that they'll have a good chance of finding the right one. Thus, they are less interested in finding potential dates. 

But we are different. We are forced to think differently because of the situation that we're in. We lack the social experiences that those without social anxiety have so we want them more. This is probably why some of us are interested in more girls. We have no choice but to be interested in more girls because we may never find the right girl if we don't act fast since our anxiety has markedly lowered our chances of finding a girl.


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## RollWithIt (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm male, exactly the same age and in a very similar situation to you. Girls find me attractive, I get the eye and if it comes to conversation I fall flat on my face; no trouble talking with lads I suppose because Football is the easy mutual conversation topic but i'm definitely working on building my confidence at the moment.


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## db4805 (Dec 27, 2010)

jack23 said:


> Once you get into one, the obsessiveness goes away little by little, with each experience.
> 
> Read through the positive thoughts thread and find ways to counteract your beliefs that you have about yourself. They work wonders.
> 
> One of the things that helps me with girls is getting over the all or nothing thoughts. Signs of interest need to be diminished a bit, signs of disinterest need to be diminished as well. Change the perception of the situation by thinking, "It won't be a disaster if I get rejected. If I find out she's into it, I didn't hit the lottery. We are just having a conversation, things happen, and I'm gonna go with it."


Excellent Advice!


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## 20l9 (Jun 14, 2012)




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## Thinkerbell (Jul 8, 2012)

I'm doing something similar to this. Any guy who is nice to me, I suddenly like. It's weird, but at least now I have realized it.


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## NightAssassin (Aug 3, 2012)

Thinkerbell said:


> I'm doing something similar to this. Any guy who is nice to me, I suddenly like. It's weird, but at least now I have realized it.


wish you lived nere me as I am nice too all ppl

but yea I have the same problum as OP can talk to guys fine but chicks hell no get bad nervus that make my mind go blank and lighting in my stumic up my chest so I tend to go in to fight or flight mode and get out of there as fast as I can

and like you I dewell in regret about not talking to the person more or at all and it can depress me for days so fixed that problum by not going out at all

but one thing happed to me witch maybe the same for you I had a GF for like 2 weeks 4yrs ago and for that 2 week window omg life was grate not just the sex witch was ok nothing to right home about but the fact I could talk to any chick with Zero Fear I mean ****ing Zero Fear it was like I woke up from a bad dream that was my life to a world with out social anxiety I cant exsplain how good it felt a light was terned on to a world with endless possibilities

and the chick I was with was happy too so happy it would seem that a person she had a crush on for yrs noticed how happy she was and thort he was loseing her so he went in and sealed the deal

so we broke up and that light that was terned on went off and back in to a world with no hope

so yea if you do get up getting a GF your fear of women may go away just pray is lasts longer then mine did


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## Kakumbus (Mar 27, 2012)

work on your game bra.


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