# Casual Sex



## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Friends with benifits, one nighters, or just plan sex....anyone every done it?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Nope, it's a scary and foreign concept to me and something I am never interested in being a part of.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Why? I can't fathom why anyone would not want to experience sex?


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Nope, but I'd be willing to try it with someone on here to see what it's like, lol.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

BLK13 said:


> Why? I can't fathom why anyone would not want to experience sex?


I would love to, with someone I love.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

BLK13 said:


> Why? I can't fathom why anyone would not want to experience sex?


Because you're putting your most vulnerable and intimate part of yourself in the hands of a complete stranger. You can contract diseases, risk pregnancy and suffer emotional fallout. If all you want is sex a hooker is a much more professional route to go than getting lucky at the bar.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I once had casual and practically anonymous sex. I wish I could share the story because I personally find it hilarious (well, now I do), but it's not really appropriate.

I was pretty upset about it for a couple weeks afterwards. As I discovered, I get attached to people really easily and it tore me up that I had literally no way of contacting this guy or of even bumping into him because, hey, he lived in another country. And likely he preferred his sex NSA, but I, apparently, did not.


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## BreakingtheGirl (Nov 14, 2009)

yes-thats all


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

irishK said:


> yes- that's all


IrishK, that's the kind of answer that begs the question "can you tell us more?"

So...care to elaborate???

(just kidding)


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

I used to do it all the time and never had a problem with it....but it seems some of you think it is un ethical....


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## tony0306 (Mar 11, 2009)

Almost once, but otherwise no. I need to have feelings for the girl, and know she has feelings for me.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

^there's possiblity of disease and pregnancy, loss of reputation, and emotional pain.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

BLK13 said:


> Friends with benifits, one nighters, or just plan sex....anyone every done it?


Without paying for it, I've only had sex in three serious relationships. This is the result of a combination of shyness, being focused in what I want from women, traditional values, and luck.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Sunshine009 said:


> ^there's possiblity of disease and pregnancy, loss of reputation, and emotional pain.


I can vouch for the emotional pain.

I've only had one-nighters twice in my life, and I'm glad there won't be any more. The first was a huge, huge mistake. She just wanted sex, I wanted more. She reminded me of my first g/f, the one I had my first kiss with when I was 12. Looked a lot like her too...something very messed up going on there. She got together the next week with some other guy I knew. Just like my first g/f.

The second time I married the girl...we have 3 kids now, and I want to grow old with her.


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## quiet0lady (Sep 29, 2009)

BLK13 said:


> I used to do it all the time and never had a problem with it....but it seems some of you think it is un ethical....


I don't think it's unethical.. if people can have casual sex and be safe about it and enjoy it, that's great for them.

Personally, sex and feelings go hand in hand for me. I'm not and don't ever see myself being interested in one-night stands or casual sex.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

I haven't had sex, but I have fooled around with people casually. Of course, I find it more enjoyable when I actually love the person, I don't really like kissing people I don't love.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

irishK said:


> I am more the type of person who needs to really be into someone. It adds so much more to the intensity for me if there is a real sense of connection. That's not to say sex without added intimacy can't be good because well, yeah it can be very good but it's not enough for me.. No details.


I agree. I'm the type of person that has to have a connection there, too. I wouldn't recommend one-nighters to anyone, but that's just me.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Sex is but another form of physical pleasure....love goes way beyond sex.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I don't give it away to just anyone. :lol
I'd rather find a girl I had interest in first - a lot less 'what did I do?'
It's also nice to know that there is NO kid out there who is half me! 
Hello, Daddy! <- You ain't my kid! :lol


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> I don't give it away to just anyone. :lol
> I'd rather find a girl I had interest in first - a lot less 'what did I do?'
> It's also nice to know that there is NO kid out there who is half me!
> Hello, Daddy! <- You ain't my kid! :lol


Surgical procedures and rubbers usually aleviate that problem.


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## Game 7 (Dec 23, 2009)

It isn't something I've tried to do, mainly due to my SA and my attitude towards girls and how much I love...love.
I realized in order to have casual sex, I'd need to lie or at the very least, stretch the truth.
I'm not a good actor and I don't want to use anyone.

It's also cause I'm a little ***** and I think about my ex having casual sex, and other girls I've cared for...and it makes me a little sick to think about.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

I've fooled around with people I wasn't in a relationship with (FWB), but never had sex proper. It worked fine if you know what you want (like, I was mainly lonely and didn't really like the guy but he was good-looking enough and... available so whatev, my only rule was that we weren't gonna have sex). I never got attached, but he got... possessive, so that ended.


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## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

Relationship discussion. no sex! thread topic..casual sex. This forum confuses me sometimes.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Sex would involve emotion, whether we like to admit it or not. It's a bonding thing. That friends with benefits stuff was relatively new to me, after hearing it on MTv :roll. Every relationship featured had ended because somebody wanted more.

I want to have children someday - having to explain to my future wife about how many partners I have had and what I did would be a factor in present behavior.

I don't lnow. If I had that kind of a relationship, it would make me cold somehow, like empty and stuff.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

liarsclub said:


> Relationship discussion. no sex! thread topic..casual sex. This forum confuses me sometimes.


If it went into mechanics and the like, I would have to take action. This is more relationally-based.

Sex can either keep people together or leave people isolated. I'd hope to be in the former group. :stu


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

I've tried it, but I don't think it's for me. I have nothing against other people doing it though.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

Anyone who can make sex actually casual, i want no part of. 

A former boyfriend put it succinctly for me - it takes the magic out of one of the few things that can make life magical. 

I'd rather be celibate than have myself treated like a Kleenex, or treat others in that way, even if they're okay with it. 

I was once told, jokingly, that I am a "player". Nothing could be further from the truth.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Meh, it's overrated. I tend to enjoy myself in the moment, but then I feel depressed afterwards. It's much more fun with someone you care about. I'm not a believer in the "you have to be in love" philosophy, but at least have some feelings for the person.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

BLK13 said:


> I used to do it all the time and never had a problem with it....but it seems some of you think it is un ethical....


So what's your point? Why did you post this thread when you're just responding to everybody's comments suggesting sex is purely physical and nothing more.

I don't think it's unethical, but everybody has his/her own ethics and morals. There is no right or wrong answer here.

As for myself, I have zero desire to have sex with a random female. Although I've never had sex, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it without strings becoming attached.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I cannot do anything unless I like and know the person quite well. I am good at sensing who will behave maturely around such matters. I cannot bring myself to do it otherwise.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

I did the friends with benefits thing, both parties knew the circumstances, we liked each other enough and had great chemistry and were perfect for the situation and it was really really hot. the only problem with it is you never really know when its over, as soon as its over it could heat up again. but I don't see whats wrong with it so long as you stay safe.


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## Game 7 (Dec 23, 2009)

When you have sex with the girl/guy that you'd honestly want to have sex with, even if you could choose _*anyone*_ on earth...that's when I lost interest in casual sex.
Now I'm only really interested in having sex with a girl I am head over heels for because when you have sex with someone you feel that way about...you can't go back.

:sigh

I'm pathetic.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

you really need to get on board with the "**** it" philosophy.


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## Game 7 (Dec 23, 2009)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> you really need to get on board with the "**** it" philosophy.


...I'd ask you to help me, but I'm 20 years too young.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

in reality probably only 8-10 years.

but thats not what "**** it" is about. its a state of mind.


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## Game 7 (Dec 23, 2009)

:lol
I thought you meant "**** it"...literally.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

Gawd no, you can read my declaration in Topicless.


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## Louis (Jun 30, 2009)

Friends with benefits a few times
One nighter never - it takes me a while to get comfortable
Plan sex - nop, but almost did it in the dry storage at a workplace, long story

Thing is everytime I'd rather have more, but when I like someone I never have the balls to go for more....


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Rather have nothing at all than something casual. Casual conversations get boring real fast, so i imagine casual sex isn't any different.

I'll take sex with someone i love, thanks.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> I did the friends with benefits thing, both parties knew the circumstances, we liked each other enough and had great chemistry and were perfect for the situation and it was really really hot. the only problem with it is you never really know when its over, as soon as its over it could heat up again. but I don't see whats wrong with it so long as you stay safe.


Did you find it, I dunno, emotionally confusing? My one FWB relationship, we both knew not to get attached, and it was fine with me, but then, you'd kinda feel a bit attached anyways...y'know like conflicted. I started second guessing everything. What was supposed to be simple ended up being more complicated than a straight up relationship. I doubt I'd do it again.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

yep very emotionally confusing at first and then I kinda gained perspective. I think its impossible to tap someone without feeling any emotions, emotions always become involved. But it was impossible for me under any circumstances to get involved in anything deeper with this person. I just had to keep reminding myself of that. The only bad part of friends with benefits is that it can heat up on a dime, like when you think its over it really isn't. at least with an ex you can tell yourself to stay the **** away cause its trouble but casually you are lulled into a false sense of security.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Yep, I hear ya. Even "breaking up" was weird since how do you end something that doesn't actually exist? You don't want to say I'm getting too attached, since you weren't supposed get attached and you don't really want to admit to it if the other person seems fine with the situation. Too much complication for me.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

I think the thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I completely and utterly hold the upper hand. but its a special situation. **** it.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

That's what I'm talking about, upper hand. I was constantly trying to gain some upper hand, especially since she was seeing someone else casually and I wasn't. Its just a messed up kind of relationship for someone who has self-esteem issues like me. Maybe a more confident person would be cool with it though.


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## ryobi (Jan 13, 2009)

that reminds me of a song...


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

if she was seeing someone else you completely had the upper hand. I think the best thing to do is tell yourself that she is cheating on someone else, no matter how hot or how much you like her she's still a cheat and not girlfriend material. **** it.


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

Almost all my sex has been casual sex and I prefer it that way at this point.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

Lithium4 said:


> Yep, I hear ya. Even "breaking up" was weird since how do you end something that doesn't actually exist? You don't want to say I'm getting too attached, since you weren't supposed get attached and you don't really want to admit to it if the other person seems fine with the situation. Too much complication for me.


When I did FWB, it brought out the worst and most annoying parts of the guy's personality (possessiveness). So that got so ****ing irritating that the friendship ended when our relationship did. He didn't seem like the same person anymore. But yeah, my main issue with FWB is that it seems like you're dooming the friendship.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

A person you have sex with but have no feeling for is just a glorified sex toy/place to stick your sex organs as far as I'm concerned. Might as well be having sex with a gourd with a hole in it. I don't see the need to have a second person involved if you just want to experience the physical sensations of sex. There are means of satisfying the cravings without the risks like pregnancy, STDs, sharing your most intimate moments with complete strangers, and emotional confusion.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

sublimit said:


> I've tried it, but I don't think it's for me. I have nothing against other people doing it though.


:ditto


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

ryobi said:


> that reminds me of a song...


99 problems?


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Mr. Frostie said:


> A person you have sex with but have no feeling for is just a glorified sex toy/place to stick your sex organs as far as I'm concerned. Might as well be having sex with a gourd with a hole in it. I don't see the need to have a second person involved if you just want to experience the physical sensations of sex. There are means of satisfying the cravings without the risks like pregnancy, STDs, sharing your most intimate moments with complete strangers, and emotional confusion.


I really think it depends on the person and how comfortable they are in the situation. I've had a couple of one-night stands that ended there and I was cool with it. I was able to enjoy the experience then move on. But I start to have problems when it continues. Everyone is different.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

there is a huge difference between casual sex and friends with benefits. Just because you aren't dating someone or in love with them doesn't mean you don't like the person your tapping.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

Nah, not for me.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Kinda, sorta- but I much prefer it with a girlfriend.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I would but I'm completely incapable of getting laid.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

pita said:


> I once had casual and practically anonymous sex. I wish I could share the story because I personally find it hilarious (well, now I do), but it's not really appropriate.
> 
> I was pretty upset about it for a couple weeks afterwards. As I discovered, I get attached to people really easily and it tore me up that I had literally no way of contacting this guy or of even bumping into him because, hey, he lived in another country. And likely he preferred his sex NSA, but I, apparently, did not.


I'm the same way and that would be my number one reason why I'd rather be in a relationship then just a one time thing. Although right now I'd take either lol.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

ive never had friends with benefits but ive had casual sex and one night stands. if i were single and i found somenoe attractive i would sleep with her. sex is fun. why shouldnt i have fun?


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

dax said:


> Kinda, sorta- but I much prefer it with a girlfriend.


and yea sex is more enjoyable with someone you care.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

nubly said:


> and yea sex is more enjoyable with someone you care.


That's what I've found out. I'm never doing the FWB thing again, I got emotionally attached and that sucked. As far as a one time casual thing- maybe, if I wasn't too anxious and I thought it would be worth it. But I'd still be wishing I was with a girlfriend.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Yes. I was sleeping with an ex girlfriend weekly for about a year. I think she actually liked me and wanted more than just that one thing. Which couldn't have been healthy for her. She wasn't perfect either but I feel bad about it infact and I'm not proud of it. She was a nice lass.

Same with another ex before that, but she was a ***** and cheated on me anyway. We used to brake up and get back together.

Basically fun and games for a while but tends to end up a mess.


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## Nintendo (Nov 17, 2009)

A few one nighters.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

I had the chance to do the NSA relationship. I couldn't go through with it. I wanted something more. I'm glad I didn't have sex with the guy (who was a 33 year old virgin and closeted homosexual). He was a complete jerk about the whole thing. Glad I got rid of him.

And now I am with a wonderful guy. But I have a lot of issues/performance anxiety goin' on right now to go all the way with someone. For me, there has to be an emotional attachment. Right now, I am extremely attached to this guy (I want to have his babies!), and we haven't "done it" yet.

So yeah, casual sex, FWB is a big no-no for me. But ok if you all want to do it, go for it! But don't try to push this "it is only a physical act" crap on people because for many people, ESPECIALLY women, it isn't. So let's not kid ourselves.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Yes. It's horrible. It gives you issues with being able to have a real relationship later.
But maybe that's just me. I'm sure some people are in it just for teh physical sensation.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Heck no.

I can't do casual.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

OK...so I may have opened an avenue for neg. thoughts with this thread...not what I intended.

A little about myself...

I havent had casual sex or a one night stand in over 15 yrs. (Not to say I have not had sex in 15 yrs but not any of the above.)

Sex is not as important as everyone makes it out to be (unless you're a 16 yr old with raging hormones) Having someone who loves you for who you are no matter what is what you want in a spouse or partner. Fortunately I've had that for the last 15 yrs and I hope everyone on here with our "issues" can find the same.


Again sorry for opening a bag of Sh** I should have left ziptied. Its hard enough dealing with ourselfs and I would never want to add any pain to anyones day or night.

Sorry for my ignorance.
CJ


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

^^^

But it seems as though you keep pushing your morals and opinions of sex on people. Not everyone is going to be able to disconnect sex without love, or see it as something "fun to do" with some random person of f-buddy. Likewise, not everyone is going to see sex as an act of love, but at its most primitive and unemotional state.

Respect others opinions instead of forcing your beliefs on others. Kind of odd considering your "background"...


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

"its just ****ing."

-my sister, 2003


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

You know, I kind of am surprised that other people on this thread have said they have a difficult time "just f*cking"...there have been times I thought I was the only one that felt that way. My friends (yrs ago, when I had friends) used to really give me sh*t about that. I can still remember them this one time "come on, man, just hit it for one night, that's all she wants, that's all u want, what the **** is your problem...be a man". This one girl at some apartments I was crashing at when I got kicked out of my parents house...it was her bday (I'm not making this up), and she wanted me to give her somethin special...I mean she was a real attractive girl, not that I wasn't attracted or didn't want to. But I didn't...and my friends didn't let that go for months. I can't make it about just that. I know sex isn't love, but the whole idea that I can't just "hit that" without getting emotionally attached always made me think I was emotionally immature, there was somethin wrong with me. Like, OK if you understand sex isn't love, then why can't you just have sex? But I can't. Does that mean because I get emotionally attached, that deep down I really *don't know the difference between the two*? ****, maybe I'm over-thinking this, like I do everything...


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

DitzyDreamer said:


> ^^^
> 
> But it seems as though you keep pushing your morals and opinions of sex on people. Not everyone is going to be able to disconnect sex without love, or see it as something "fun to do" with some random person of f-buddy. Likewise, not everyone is going to see sex as an act of love, but at its most primitive and unemotional state.
> 
> Respect others opinions instead of forcing your beliefs on others. Kind of odd considering your "background"...


I've been married for 15 yrs and my wife and children are my life...but I still do think sex is just sex. Yes its MORE if you love the person your with because of your connecton. But all in all sex is just a physicle act that one could do with a paid hooker or a loved one.

And as for forcing my beliefs on others...never. Everyone is their own person, I post on here looking for help just like anyone else.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Again I've posted more personal info than I cared to so please just take my apologies and move on. 
THx.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

BLK13 said:


> I've been married for 15 yrs and my wife and children are my life...but I still do think sex is just sex. Yes its MORE if you love the person your with because of your connecton. But all in all sex is just a physicle act that one could do with a paid hooker or a loved one.
> 
> And as for forcing my beliefs on others...never. Everyone is their own person, I post on here looking for help just like anyone else.


And yet you keep on at it.

You're entitled to your opinion, now let everyone else have their own. Sex maybe just a "physical act" to *you*, but to myself and others, it is more. It is, imo, an emotional bond that can bring two people closer together. Why else would so many of these "casual hookups" and FWB turn up messy if sex was just sex? Ever heard of Oxytocin? All those chemicals that can f-around with a person's emotions? (Pun intended).

But we'll agree to disagree.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

DitzyDreamer said:


> ^^^
> 
> But it seems as though you keep pushing your morals and opinions of sex on people. Not everyone is going to be able to disconnect sex without love, or see it as something "fun to do" with some random person of f-buddy. Likewise, not everyone is going to see sex as an act of love, but at its most primitive and unemotional state.
> 
> Respect others opinions instead of forcing your beliefs on others. Kind of odd considering your "background"...


Forcing one's beliefs on others isn't right, yeah. But where were you when everyone was saying that sex with someone you didn't love was *immoral*?


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

No where in any of my posts did I try to force my opinions on anyone....so I'm comfused as to where your getting this.

But yes lets just agree to disagree on whatever it maybe that you think I've wronged you on.

I'm sure you're a beautiful woman with a bright life ahead of you so please make the most of every oportunity life sends your way.

Pleasant Dreams!


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

bezoomny said:


> Forcing one's beliefs on others isn't right, yeah. But where were you when everyone was saying that sex with someone you didn't love was *immoral*?


....watching the superbowl......


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

BLK13 said:


> No where in any of my posts did I try to force my opinions on anyone....so I'm comfused as to where your getting this.
> 
> But yes lets just agree to disagree on whatever it maybe that you think I've wronged you on.
> 
> ...


...Um, if you'd actually read what I wrote you'd know that I'm agreeing with you.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

I think he was talking to Dreamer there.

Anyways, will we ever be able to have a grown up discussion in this forum about anything relating to sex, without people getting offended for some strange reason?


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

bezoomny said:


> ...Um, if you'd actually read what I wrote you'd know that I'm agreeing with you.


Sorry I skipped a lot of the middle posts.....

God knows I've not been the model citizen in my life (Mainly my teenage yrs) but I just thought it might be fun to start a controversial thread.....but as soon as I noticed it might be hurting people I felt a need to try and help rather than hinder those in need.

The saying that opininions are like ******** is so very true........

And I'm somewhat of a nymphomaniac........

Hope everyone has a model week...go get em.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Come on guys, knock it off on the attacks to BLK13. He said it was in his past, which was a long time ago.
For some, sex is physical act; for others, it's spiritual. :stu


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't think you're overthinking anything. some people see sex as just an act, nothing more. Others don't. simple as that. If your own personal belief or style or whatever is to see sex as something you do with someone you care about, there's nothing wrong with that. That's your deal. It's who you are. The thing is to find someone like minded, and believe me, they are out there.

I would say remain true to yourself, despite what friends or anyone else may think of the matter.

For some, there is no difference between the two - if you get emotionally involved, again, that's who you are. I get emotionally involved as well, each and every time. I can't control it, it's just how it is for me. Whether those emotions are negative or positive, I get involved. So, knowing this about myself, I am required to be more circumspect about with whom I get involved. It may be the same for you.

Oh, one last thought - I've tried compromising beliefs, feelings, and values in order to fit in or not be criticized. It has never worked. that way lies only unhappiness.



SickPuppy said:


> You know, I kind of am surprised that other people on this thread have said they have a difficult time "just f*cking"...there have been times I thought I was the only one that felt that way. My friends (yrs ago, when I had friends) used to really give me sh*t about that. I can still remember them this one time "come on, man, just hit it for one night, that's all she wants, that's all u want, what the **** is your problem...be a man". This one girl at some apartments I was crashing at when I got kicked out of my parents house...it was her bday (I'm not making this up), and she wanted me to give her somethin special...I mean she was a real attractive girl, not that I wasn't attracted or didn't want to. But I didn't...and my friends didn't let that go for months. I can't make it about just that. I know sex isn't love, but the whole idea that I can't just "hit that" without getting emotionally attached always made me think I was emotionally immature, there was somethin wrong with me. Like, OK if you understand sex isn't love, then why can't you just have sex? But I can't. Does that mean because I get emotionally attached, that deep down I really *don't know the difference between the two*? ****, maybe I'm over-thinking this, like I do everything...


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> Come on guys, knock it off on the attacks to BLK13. He said it was in his past, which was a long time ago.
> For some, sex is physical act; for others, it's spiritual. :stu


yeah, no kidding. at no time did I see anything that would even slightly suggest he was pushing any belief on anyone, and this is an anonymous forum where people ought to be able to come for support or advice on anything.

Most people, um..ah.. of a certain age, have some kind of past anyway.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

leonardess said:


> I don't think you're overthinking anything. some people see sex as just an act, nothing more. Others don't. simple as that. If your own personal belief or style or whatever is to see sex as something you do with someone you care about, there's nothing wrong with that. That's your deal. It's who you are. The thing is to find someone like minded, and believe me, they are out there.
> 
> I would say remain true to yourself, despite what friends or anyone else may think of the matter.
> 
> ...


OK, that makes sense. That's always bugged me, I'm the only guy I've ever known irl that gets emotionally attached I guess. I've been married for 10 yrs, & I know I love my wife, but I've always been confused about why I always, always got emotionally involved with other girls before I was married...I guess I can't seperate the two. Just another reason I thought I was crazy. But I guess some people are just wired that way.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

SickPuppy said:


> OK, that makes sense. That's always bugged me, I'm the only guy I've ever known irl that gets emotionally attached I guess. I've been married for 10 yrs, & I know I love my wife, but I've always been confused about why I always, always got emotionally involved with other girls before I was married...I guess I can't seperate the two. Just another reason I thought I was crazy. But I guess some people are just wired that way.


Sick I kind of feel ya....I love my wife more than anything in the world but getting me to show emotion is like an act of god. Recently (while on Klon.) I was able to say somethings to my wife that I've been wanting to say for a very long time....and the look on her face was just like....you've made my year darling.

Know my goal is to do this more but without drugs in my system...it makes it feel more "True" to me.

Damn didn't this thread change a tad.

On a side note I hope everyone reading this can find it in them to go out and do something they would never do because of SA......that alone is what helped me a ton.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

sorry for changing the tone...leave it up to me to over-analyze and over-think something to death. I can take the simplest, funnest idea for a thread and just **** it up into next week, lol.

What's really, really messed up with me is, I get very emotionally attached, but then I can't express it. So I totally know what you mean.

Anyway thanx, Leanardess, for the response. I really thought because I couldn't seperate the two, there was somethin not right with me. Now I realize there are people that are just that way.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

I once had a 'casual sex' fling with a girl that lasted for around 2-3 months. But I drove a long way for that privalege!!

Finding somebody you connect with is of far more significance.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^^ hear hear.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I can imagine what that must have meant to her. Good on you for doing it, drugs or no.



BLK13 said:


> Sick I kind of feel ya....I love my wife more than anything in the world but getting me to show emotion is like an act of god. Recently (while on Klon.) I was able to say somethings to my wife that I've been wanting to say for a very long time....and the look on her face was just like....you've made my year darling.
> 
> Know my goal is to do this more but without drugs in my system...it makes it feel more "True" to me.
> 
> ...


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> "its just ****ing."
> 
> -my sister, 2003


Wish it was that simple.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

dax said:


> Wish it was that simple.


no kidding. when two people have sex, a bonding chemical is released. i think girls release more of it...thats why sex for guys is usually less attatched to emotions. thats why people sometimes feel the need to bond more with someone even after a one night stand


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

I was hoping this thread would fade to black but....

As a yonger man (I'm only 35 now) It was very easy to go to a party and find a woman (suprisingly usually not drunk) take her where ever (the list is long) do our "thing", get breakfest in the morn and then never talk to them again.....unless I meet them at a diff. party.


Yes I know I was a pig so please no need to reinforce it.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

BLK13 said:


> I was hoping this thread would fade to black but....
> 
> As a yonger man (I'm only 35 now) It was very easy to go to a party and find a woman (suprisingly usually not drunk) take her where ever (the list is long) do our "thing", get breakfest in the morn and then never talk to them again.....unless I meet them at a diff. party.
> 
> Yes I know I was a pig so please no need to reinforce it.


Sounds more like you were the_ ladies man_.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

drealm said:


> Sounds more like you were the_ ladies man_.


Only when I drank...it was even a joke among my friends...I was the dork sober but a ladies man when I had a buzz.

And normally it was a fifth of vodka...


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

BLK13 said:


> I was hoping this thread would fade to black but....
> 
> As a yonger man (I'm only 35 now) It was very easy to go to a party and find a woman (suprisingly usually not drunk) take her where ever (the list is long) do our "thing", get breakfest in the morn and then never talk to them again.....unless I meet them at a diff. party.
> 
> Yes I know I was a pig so please no need to reinforce it.


IM SORRY. i didnt mean to offend you at all. tons of younger guys sleep with a lot of women....the media and society seems to encourage it....young girls do it all the time too....its in the culture now. i think its easier for guys to do it cause they can just never talk to that girl again where the girls are more apt to feel empty afterwards, thats just my opinion, and i think a lot of young guys sleep around in their youth but then grow up and get more serious. guys were more wired to sew their oats


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Apple,

I don't get offended...I've been up and down the ladder so many times I'm really uneffected by anything other than my immediate family. 

So no worries at all. I love you all and envy the fact that most of you "found" your problem(S) so much sooner then I did.

And I'm also attempting to use this forum as an avenue to express emotion that I could never do before......so sorry if I sound like a emotional mess.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

BLK13 said:


> I was hoping this thread would fade to black but....
> 
> As a yonger man (I'm only 35 now) It was very easy to go to a party and find a woman (suprisingly usually not drunk) take her where ever (the list is long) do our "thing", get breakfest in the morn and then never talk to them again.....unless I meet them at a diff. party.
> 
> Yes I know I was a pig so please no need to reinforce it.


How is it that you have SA, because I think talking to a girl and getting them to go home with you is the hardest part in overcoming SA, but maybe that's just me.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

1applehearts1 said:


> no kidding. when two people have sex, a bonding chemical is released. i think girls release more of it...thats why sex for guys is usually less attatched to emotions. thats why people sometimes feel the need to bond more with someone even after a one night stand


Um. What? Source please.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

bezoomny said:


> Um. What? Source please.


Yea, that's what I want to know. Is that really true.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

sabueed said:


> How is it that you have SA, because I think talking to a girl and getting them to go home with you is the hardest part in overcoming SA, but maybe that's just me.


My Xanax back then was a fifth of vodka (Not recommending this to anyone) I would chase it with Squirt (Citrus Soda).

And I understand from some of your previous posts that you maybe having some problems with the ladies but I find it real hard to believe that SAD is only about talking a woman in to have sex with you.

I am a NEWB to understanding SAD but from my research I have found many different "issues" that SAD causes and of these "issues" some people feel or are affected more from some symtoms and less from others.

Do I think I have extreme SAD....no. I think I would fall in the mild/med catagory.

Good luck.


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

It is fine if other people do it responsibly but it's not for me. I don't find it morally wrong (I have liberal views on most matters), it just that it seems pointless.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

sabueed said:


> How is it that you have SA, because I think talking to a girl and getting them to go home with you is the hardest part in overcoming SA, but maybe that's just me.


yeah i agree except for me, with a guy. just talking to a guy i like or something. its so nerve wracking to me. too stressful


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah i agree except for me, with a guy. just talking to a guy i like or something. its so nerve wracking to me. too stressful


You made up the stuff about the sex connection chemical, didn't you?


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

1applehearts1 said:


> no kidding. when two people have sex, a bonding chemical is released. i think girls release more of it...thats why sex for guys is usually less attatched to emotions. thats why people sometimes feel the need to bond more with someone even after a one night stand


Prolactin, oxytocin and vasopressin are those 'bonding chemicals' released during and after sexual arousal and orgasm for both males and females. prolactin and oxytocin are also released during breastfeeding and when giving birth.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

nothing to fear said:


> Prolactin, oxytocin and vasopressin are those 'bonding chemicals' released during and after sexual arousal and orgasm for both males and females. prolactin and oxytocin are also released during breastfeeding and when giving birth.


Thank you for making her argument sound way less sketch, lol.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

mmm sex chemical


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## Nintendo (Nov 17, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> no kidding. when two people have sex, a bonding chemical is released. i think girls release more of it...


Yeah, in some cases it even squirts out (in spades).


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Done.

Read my signature.....Please don't make me spell it out.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

BLK13 said:


> My Xanax back then was a fifth of vodka (Not recommending this to anyone) I would chase it with Squirt (Citrus Soda).
> 
> And I understand from some of your previous posts that you maybe having some problems with the ladies but I find it real hard to believe that SAD is only about talking a woman in to have sex with you.
> 
> ...


You would be correct.

Its just that the issue of (girls/sex/getting them to have it with you) becomes such a core issue for some people that it kinda comes to define SA for them. So when they see people talking about how that aspect was (relatively) easy for them they can't quite accept that. It's the same line of distorted thinking as 'You don't have SA because you are good looking..'


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Advisory****
It should be a watch, but at this point, that's too bad.
It's gone from personal attacks to a bit of inuendo. Just watch what is posted - the pervious post is not the cause of this advisory.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

Sorry I'll try to behave.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

BLK13 said:


> Sorry I'll try to behave.


you're pretty much the last thing this board needs. you're a cocky mother****er and it has nothing to do with your viewpoints because i agree with some of them, and its definitely not a morality issue either because i'm down for talking about pretty much any subject on this planet. but you come across as an arrogant cliche of a human being and it seems you're perfectly okay with that.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

NeedleInTheHay said:


> you're pretty much the last thing this board needs. you're a cocky mother****er and it has nothing to do with your viewpoints because i agree with some of them, and its definitely not a morality issue either because i'm down for talking about pretty much any subject on this planet. but you come across as an arrogant cliche of a human being and it seems you're perfectly okay with that.


Arogant...Yes...Cocky...Hell Yes (At night) and if your last point was I just don't give a flying f*** that would be true also.

But the last point is the only thing that has gotten me to where I am today. If I didn't have that attitude I would be locked (affraid to leave) in my moms house still at 35.

So again I'm trying to be nice......have a good night and be well.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

well if you wanna float by in mediocrity, more power to you. and thanks for the kind words of being well.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Watch****
It could not be avoided. One more time, and I lock and infract.
This is not a Bash the Poster thread. There is passive aggressive activity AND attacking going on - not cool!

And watch the statements! Some of us who are "afraid" of leaving our mom's house at 35 have a bit more responsbility going on in their lives than one may think. I could go into FAR more detail, but that's not for this audience!


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

'


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## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

I haven't thought about the moral implications and don't really feel the need to. I've never had the opportunity, and I can't imagine any sex I get would be a casual matter.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Those things should not have been said - please do not fuel the argument, gentlemen....

I have already taken action.


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## BLK13 (Jan 22, 2010)

No hard feeling again everyone be well.


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## ninjew (Feb 9, 2010)

I've had a couple of one-night stands with women I've met online, one of which turned into a short-lived relationship, and one of which turned into a really crazy friendship: one of those 'doing random crap together and being totally platonic except when she got drunk and horny and booty called me which would be great except for the fact that she had a boyfriend' things. 

I was feeling really unusually confident last summer, and I picked up a girl outside a concert when I was biking to California, and we ended up hanging out together for a few days, then spending the night together. 

Over the next couple of months, I ended up going to some crazy parties, getting wasted, and, to my shock, getting hit on by a few pretty attractive women (in a party where just about all the guys are ultra-skinny or overweight hipsters, the buff guy' is a damn good niche to fill.) 

And then school started again, and my anxiety came back, and I ended up spending all of my time either sitting in my apartment studying or hanging out with a few old friends, and playing Total War and Borderlands, and I put on a couple of pounds, got a bit paler, and started to get some acne... and so the cycle goes. But hey, summer's not that far away...


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah i agree except for me, with a guy. just talking to a guy i like or something. its so nerve wracking to me. too stressful


I know how u feel.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

ninjew said:


> Over the next couple of months, I ended up going to some crazy parties, getting wasted, and, to my shock, getting hit on by a few pretty attractive women (in a party where just about all the guys are ultra-skinny or overweight hipsters, the buff guy' is a damn good niche to fill.)


This post (and this part of the post in particular) made me feel warm inside. The buff guy attracts women: If that's not motivation to keep working out, I don't know what is. Just about a year and a half till I get my ideal body! Thanks!


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

casual sex is sex dressed in jeans and a nice top. "lol".


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## Smythe (Aug 15, 2005)

> Friends with benifits, one nighters, or just plan sex....anyone every done it?


Yes. 
I very much prefer actual relationships.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

*plays world's tiniest violin*


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

For some people yes, for others, not so much. But then, we've had this discussion already. You obviously have very strong feelings about sex. If you're confident in your own beliefs, then differing opinions shouldn't offend you so much.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

^ yeah, it's getting a bit thick in here. har de har har

_in before lock?_


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I may come off as sounding a little lame, but i'd rather wait for someone I care about.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Not lame at all. Even most of those who have tried the casual route in this thread agree with you.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

**** it.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I'm not sure if I could have sex with a man. I think that being bisexual would be great - the best of both worlds.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

Lithium4 said:


> For some people yes, for others, not so much. But then, we've had this discussion already. You obviously have very strong feelings about sex. If you're confident in your own beliefs, then differing opinions shouldn't offend you so much.


I'm not offended...but I just don't get this push for casual sex. Especially since casual sex hurts my demographic the MOST (college girls, 18-22).

And yeah, I have my convictions on sex...but so do you! Maybe if you saw the pain the casual/loose sex has on girls my age and all the devastation it can cause, you could see why I have a strong feelings on it.

ETA: I would read "Girls gone Mild" by Wendy Shallit for you. It explains what I'm talking about perfectly.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

No never done it. Don't really want to. I'd rather have a relationship and hence a sure fire endless supply of sex. And the love thing thats good too.


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

leonardess said:


> ^ yeah, it's getting a bit thick in here. har de har har
> 
> _in before lock?_


Yes it is.

I probably shouldn't have even posted on here. I'm at the point in my life where sex is starting to play a factor (I'm in a relationship), and the last thing I need is a group of people who constantly bring up the topics of sex and virginity ALL THE TIME (and of course, being in a relationship, this topic is going to catch my attention, unfortunately). If sex was just sex, why do SA men bring up the topic SO freakin' much? Why this praise of casual sex? And why is virginity torn apart so much in the "Frustration" section?

One thing I will say before "the lock" (and possible infraction) is that SA men (and people) tend to be VERY obsessed with sex, more so than your non-SA guy. From "Birthday sucks when your a virgin" to "I wish I could just f-somebody (but not pay for it, heaven forbid), it seems as though that's all most SA guys on here want: just sex and not a true relationship of substance. I honestly couldn't take the pressure of dating a guy w/SA.

So to all those who think I got "offended", no, I am not. Frustrated, yes, but not "offended." I just wish you all could see if from a "virgin-in-limbo's" perspective.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

DitzyDreamer said:


> One thing I will say before "the lock" (and possible infraction) is that SA men (and people) tend to be VERY obsessed with sex, more so than your non-SA guy. From "Birthday sucks when your a virgin" to "I wish I could just f-somebody (but not pay for it, heaven forbid), it seems as though that's all most SA guys on here want: just sex and not a true relationship of substance. I honestly couldn't take the pressure of dating a guy w/SA.


The social stigma of being a male virgin past a certain age is a huge weight that many guys here would like to drop. It's not so much having sex for solely for physical pleasure or for it's own sake, but rather achieving what's seen as a right of passage by most of society. This isn't a good attitude, imo, but it's not as if SA guys just want to get laid NSA and that's it. I see the opposite around here, actually. Most seem to want a loving, fulfilling relationship but see their sexual inexperience as another obstacle towards having one.

Casual sex has never appealed to me. I don't see how you could be so intimate with another person and not develop any sort of feelings or attachment for them. I know it would be impossible for me. I have to say I wouldn't rule it out though, if given the chance. The older I get the less opportunities come my way, so I should probably take what I can get at this point.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Meh, you seem pretty "offended" to me, judging by your lashing out against "sa-guys" but anyway. You're right, your perspective is unique and if I could see it from yours it would shape my opinion, but the opposite is also true. I know lots of people who have had rather casual sex and their lives were in no way ****ed up by it.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

DitzyDreamer said:


> One thing I will say before "the lock" (and possible infraction) is that SA men (and people) tend to be VERY obsessed with sex, *more so than your non-SA guy*. From "Birthday sucks when your a virgin" to "I wish I could just f-somebody (but not pay for it, heaven forbid), *it seems as though that's all most SA guys on here want*: just sex and not a true relationship of substance. I honestly couldn't take the pressure of dating a guy w/SA.


1-You obviously haven't met many non-SA guys, heh. They're mostly pigs.

2-You should really go back and read through this thread. Then kindly post a list of the guys who have no interest in a true relationship.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

DitzyDreamer said:


> One thing I will say before "the lock" (and possible infraction) is that SA men (and people) tend to be VERY obsessed with sex, more so than your non-SA guy. From "Birthday sucks when your a virgin" to "I wish I could just f-somebody (but not pay for it, heaven forbid), it seems as though that's all most SA guys on here want: just sex and not a true relationship of substance. I honestly couldn't take the pressure of dating a guy w/SA.


I get your frustration. Even from a guy's perspective (and I'll probably catch hell, be called a p*ssy or a woman for taking this side of the argument) it does get ridiculous sometimes with every post being about getting laid. The hormones they are a ragin'. When you're a 16 year old guy your d*ck gets hard when the wind blows, what can I tell you. Happy I'm not 16 anymore. When every other post is about getting laid, or pertains to something else that has something to do with getting laid it gets old. And in some of these posts it's sooo, sooo obvious the guy is looking for something else to use besides their hand, although they say they want a "relationship" or "girlfriend". These posts are actually funny to me sometimes, except for the fact that they get old after a while.

I know you said "most" and not "all" SA guys. I just want to reinforce that not all guys are that way. Sex in a relationship, with the emotional ties and bonding, doesn't compare to a one-nighter for me, and never has. I tried a one-night stand once and regret it, and wouldn't do it again. Without going into too much detail, sex with my wife is amazing, because we know each other so well. I totally "get" her and she totally "gets" me, in every way. My biggest problem (besides my anxiety-related trust issues) is that my wife wants sex all the time. That's one of the biggest problems in our relationship, seriously...we don't get enough time to ourselves, with 3 kids and full schedules and both of us working. I can't think of how you get to a place like that with someone you're having a one-night stand with. But that's just me, not sayin that's everyone's experience, not sayin that's everyone's opinion, just mine. Anyone else with a 16 yr old raging hard-on is entitled to their own experiences and own opinions.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Warning****
Okay, y'all knew this was coming. I have issued two infractions and see at least two additional warnings for conflicts.
The language got raunchy and a catfight started. Enough is enough.


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