# Nervous around coworkers



## SydKat

Hi, I'm new to SAS but I thought I'd get started by venting a little..

I started a summer job about a month ago in food service (it's an entry-level job). I've been getting good hours, most of my coworkers are nice people and I think I'm starting to get the hang of things (finally!) The way my workplace operates is there are usually either two or three employees working in the store at a time, during the daytime it's normally three. When I'm working with two other people I'm fine most of the time because there isn't as much pressure to make small talk and there are usually a lot of customers going in and out so I always have things to do. However, I've been getting scheduled to work evening shifts a lot lately and that means I will be working with only one other coworker with very few customers coming into the store. Depending on who the other coworker is, my shift could be an incredibly awkward 7-8 hours. If I feel things are getting too awkward I try to make small talk but a lot of times that just makes things even more awkward :| 
Another thing is that I get really nervous before my shifts but usually calm down once I get there. I think the reason for that is I don't know what to expect; the unexpected is what drives the nerves, in my opinion. When I have daytime shifts I know what to expect; I serve customers, I clean, etc. However, when I have evening shifts I don't know what to expect because I don't know how to interact with whoever I'm working with and there are a lot of odd jobs that need to be done and I still am unsure as to how to complete some of them. This leads me to be extremely nervous all day, leading up to evening shifts. If anyone has any advice as to how to deal with these nerves I'm all ears!


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## TicklemeRingo

Hi there  Welcome.

I've been in similar situation with casual jobs. This might seem like a strange approach, but I discovered that acknowledging the awkwardness and joking about it really relieves the pressure on both of you, and makes the inevitable silences less awkward.

So for example, you might say:

_"Well this is awkward isn't it?" "How are we going to find 8 hours worth of things to say to each other?" _

The idea is to say it in a light/jokey manner so you both can laugh about it.

_"Well, you're very nice, but I've completely run out of things to talk about, so now I'm going to go and stand over there!"_

That seems counterintuitive to those of us with SA, but I've found recently that it's best to acknowledge the elephant in the room, rather than trying to pretend. It's the pretence that causes the awkwardness, IMO. If you've run out of things to say, just say:_ "I've run out of things to say." _
It's the forced conversations that are the most awkward: When two people both know that something is unsaid and they're having to put on an act. Being open and honest is always the best approach, I've found, the other person can relax, knowing they don't have to put on an act.

Realistically, even the most social person would have trouble keeping conversations for that length of time, so nobody will think it's strange for you to acknowledge this.

Hope that helps


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## SydKat

Thanks for the advice! I just worked an evening shift with one of my coworkers and it wasn't that bad! He's kind of an awkward person too so it actually gave me a little confidence. I work the same shift with the same person tonight so maybe I'll try addressing the awkwardness and see how it goes


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## TicklemeRingo

Good luck! 

Another thing I remembered which might be useful:

I found that the key to good conversation is *curiosity*.

I always had the problem that I'm sure many of us with SA do: I wouldn't know what to say, my mind would be frantically trying to come up with things to say - often I'd miss the details of what the other person was saying because my attention would be taken by my anxiety.

What I've found is that if I can ignore all that and just be curious about everything the other person is saying, regardless of whether or not it is something I'd usually be interested in, then I don't have to struggle for things to say or questions to ask.

So basically, ask more follow up questions, don't let anything go by that you don't understand or could ask more about - ask the person to explain. If it helps, imagine you are a scientist taking a curious, non-judgmental attitude to the person or subject you are studying.


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