# Asked a girl and...



## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

she said no but i didn't care at all.

I liked her a lot and while it would've been great if she went out with me, the rejection to me is indication that I won't ever have to wonder if she was the one that got away.

It was hard at first to accept it but i am so glad I did it just to get it off my chest. No more burden.

Asking girls out is one thing. But to be honest there has to be a better way. because I don't believe in "it was not meant to be" It's someothing people tell themselves to make themselves feel better.

But i take responsibility that I didn't seduce the right way.

For the first time in my life I felt great not because I asked her but also due to the fact that my self esteem has improved.

I couldn't help but tell myself with full sincerity that she was losing a great potential relationship with me. I have flaws I admit but I have great great redeeming qualities that would make any girl's time and life worth while.

Her loss baby... 

I would recommend to do what I did. You will feel better regardless of the outcome.


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## its_Rob (Oct 20, 2008)

Great job and keep up the positive attitude. You will find the girl you are looking for, just keep asking them out.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

Just because she said no does not mean it is a done deal unless you want it to be 

Keep up the great attitude!


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## BodySurfer1988 (Feb 4, 2009)

Wow great job. I can not even ask girls out I get way too nervous.


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## JCMiller23 (Feb 4, 2009)

yeah, I still get nervous too. I've found that it gets a lot easier the more you do it. nothing wrong with being nervous, but letting it control you is another story.


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## BodySurfer1988 (Feb 4, 2009)

JCMiller23 said:


> yeah, I still get nervous too. I've found that it gets a lot easier the more you do it. nothing wrong with being nervous, but letting it control you is another story.


Yeah that's the problem it controls me to the point that I don't do it. For some reason I am scared of getting rejected and it will only make me not want to try it again.


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## JCMiller23 (Feb 4, 2009)

yup, I know exactly how you feel dude. I've always read about the guys who are the best with girls are the ones who get rejected the most and I think it's true. One of my "friends" is a ladies man, he gets decent looking girls now, but all the time we were growing up together he'd hit on anything with a vagina so he got the most practice. I still don't think he's better with girls than anyone else, he just tries harder and more often.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

I feel what you guys are saying.

Keep in mind i am 29 years old. When I was 16-25. I never asked girls out. I was too chicken. All it takes is internalizing positive/negative self beliefs. Accept the fact that you have flaws and make it a point to yourself that it shouldn't stop you from dating. Learn to appreciate yourself for your great qualities (most people have those but many SAers don't believe they do) 

Be forgiving and compassionate for your negative qualities because you are after all a human being and hence not perfect.

List those positive and negative qualities down. Then don't just intellectually acknowledge them but emotionally and spiritually as well. It's hard I know but keep trying. I have been doing so for 8 years. i still have a long way to go but i am progressing from when I started this self improvement process.

I hope this made sense.


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## MsShyKenz (Jul 18, 2008)

Woah. I envy your optimism, I wish I could muster some of that. Great job.


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## shyguy246 (Apr 27, 2006)

I've said it before, I'll say it again...Babe Ruth hit over 714 Home Run's, 3rd most of all time. But he also struck out 1,330 times. 
Basically, if you don't swing the bat, you'll never get a hit, let alone a Home Run.


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## hulkamaniak (Mar 21, 2008)

Just wondering what was the situation with the girl, how long did you know her - if at all, and where did you pop the question?


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Girls and guys both base whether they want to date someone mainly on their first impression of the other.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

hulkamaniak said:


> Just wondering what was the situation with the girl, how long did you know her - if at all, and where did you pop the question?


To answer your questions, she was a girl I worked with but we were from different departments. i would go to her work area and vice versa depending on what errands we had to do. We started getting along pretty well and we enjoyed making small talk.

At some point I felt some positive vibes from her like she liked me. Of course being the SA boy I am, I clammed up and I think it showed. Fear is the attraction killer to women.

One month goes by and we still kinda talked but not the same as before. Out of the blue, I ask her out and she says NO. It created this awkward situation and I had my supervisor from my department talk to her and tell her that i didn't mean to make things awkward.

She started acting like a stuck up person. I got annoyed at her attitude toward me so I decided to ignore her altogether (which I still do as of this post). I will probably ignore her until I am done working there in August 09. I am doing so for my own well being. I cut off all contact with her because she means nothing to me.

I first spoke to her in mid to late october 2008. I asked her out January 05, 2009. She gave the good vibes in early december. It took me a whole month to ask her after those good vibes. Too long maybe so I snooze therefore I lose. When a girl shows good vibes, you have to go in and test the waters and go for it. The method in how to go about? I haven't figured it out yet. That's the tough part. I have no idea how to do it.

Like I said I take responsibility for not doing this at the right time. i should've ask her sooner.

But then again, I don't care. A rejection is a rejection. I know for sure she doesn't like me like that and I am happy either way I don't have to worry anymore and I can move on to the next girl.


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## Encore (Apr 17, 2008)

Just keep working at it man. I realize that gestures that mean a lot to someone with SA are common for most people. I used to fall in love with every girl I saw, now Im starting to understand that noone else understands how much of an effort it takes to speak up. The only way to get better is to practice.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Wow you're really strong, not letting her rejection and inconsiderate but gut-instinct "shunning" of you affect you too much.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

If I can be strong. All of you reading this can be just as strong if not stronger.

I urge you to go after who or what you want. You have nothing to lose. It's hard to do of course and i can empathize but give it a shot nonetheless. It's less painful in life if you don't let something like SA dictate your behavior.


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## asdf (Jan 19, 2008)

MissMay1977 said:


> Just because she said no does not mean it is a done deal unless you want it to be
> 
> Keep up the great attitude!


if i get rejected by xyz, should i ask xyz again?


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## is_there_hope (Feb 27, 2009)

asdf said:


> if i get rejected by xyz, should i ask xyz again?


No, it just means you better take that baseball bat with you next time.

Seriously, it's probably a good idea to move onto xzy and forget xyz for a while.


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## Dothan (Feb 8, 2009)

maybe she said "no" because she wants you to try harder, i understand it that way when girls would say no. they want you to fight for them in a loveable fun way. they are so childish, it is pathetic, but what can you do, it is the game.


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## knightbird123 (Jan 27, 2009)

From my experience, all these girls generally say no on a majority who pursue them. Dont waste your time. 

These girls dont want to commit to anyone or anything. The best thing you can do is ignore each and every single one of them. Dont bother looking, dont bother talking, dont even bother doing anything. 

If they like you they will make all the moves. If none of them make a move, so be it. Better to be single then to be with a girl who didnt even take interest in you in the first place.

When you completely ignore, it drives them crazy. Just pretend they arent even in the room.
Give them all the attention and prepare to get scammed and shot down. 

Girls are not shy at all, they will make the first move if they are interested


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## lars (Mar 20, 2009)

l


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

yes her loss.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

knightbird123 said:


> From my experience, all these girls generally say no on a majority who pursue them. Dont waste your time.
> 
> These girls dont want to commit to anyone or anything. The best thing you can do is ignore each and every single one of them. Dont bother looking, dont bother talking, dont even bother doing anything.
> 
> ...


I have been doing this since january 09. It is almost april and i still haven't talked to her. She was in a bad mood and tried to take it out on me. I still ignored her. I make sure I am flirting with other girls from her department. It drives crazy that she is not getting the attention.

I am ignoring her (as i said) but for my own sake and mental health. I feel better that I am not around people who just want to string me along.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

right on

I like it better when they say no

then i can get back to my life as normal instead of having to worry bout all that dating mumbo jumbo


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

S.T.A.T. said:


> I feel what you guys are saying.
> 
> Keep in mind i am 29 years old. When I was 16-25. I never asked girls out. I was too chicken. All it takes is internalizing positive/negative self beliefs. Accept the fact that you have flaws and make it a point to yourself that it shouldn't stop you from dating. Learn to appreciate yourself for your great qualities (most people have those but many SAers don't believe they do)
> 
> ...


Note taken - this gives me hope! :boogie :boogie :boogie


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