# I want to be a monster.



## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

Anyone else not going for a beach body? I honestly want people to see me and be scared. I want to be that freakishly muscled and strong kinda look. **** appeasing others. This is what I want for myself. I'm probably going to start heavy anabolic abuse at some point when I can afford it and it is optimal to do so. I don't care about my body at all I just want to get so big and strong I don't even look human and I can lift godly amounts of weight.

Obviously I have mental issues but I also don't want to be cured. I want this for myself and I'm willing to sacrifice happiness and my own body to get there. Was wondering if there's anyone else like this out there?


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

labelme said:


> *Anyone else not going for a beach body?* I honestly want people to see me and be scared. I want to be that freakishly muscled and strong kinda look. **** appeasing others. This is what I want for myself. I'm probably going to start heavy anabolic abuse at some point when I can afford it and it is optimal to do so. I don't care about my body at all I just want to get so big and strong I don't even look human and I can *lift godly amounts of weight.*
> 
> Obviously I have mental issues but I also don't want to be cured. I want this for myself and I'm willing to sacrifice happiness and my own body to get there. Was wondering if there's anyone else like this out there?


I'm with you on the parts in bold, not so much on the rest. A combined total of around 1500 pounds for squat, bench and deadlift at a powerlifting meet would make me pretty happy. Probably in the 220 pound weight class.

I started out thinking I wanted to be lean and all that, but I realized that it's much more fulfilling for me to push myself to lift as much as possible than it would be for me to gauge my progress by how I looked. During my first year or so of lifting I did bodybuilding splits and tried to cut up a few times and I made minimal progress and my lifts went down when I got more lean. It just wasn't satisfying to me. For about a year now I've been eating big and focusing on nothing but getting stronger and I love it.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or does and definitely don't hop on a cycle at your age. Just get on a good program, eat big and lift big. One or two years of consistent training and eating should make you bigger and stronger than 95% of the people around you.

People think I'm crazy, too. I was doing deadlifts yesterday and two guys near me were talking about how they didn't do stuff like squat or deadlift because it wrecks your body and I'd regret it someday. Then they proceeded to do assisted rep shrugs on the Smith Machine and some cable curls. I was thinking, "Have fun with that." When I hit 500 pounds on deadlift awhile back several people asked if I was going to quit after that. No, now 600 is the goal.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

JH1983 said:


> I'm with you on the parts in bold, not so much on the rest. A combined total of around 1500 pounds for squat, bench and deadlift at a powerlifting meet would make me pretty happy. Probably in the 220 pound weight class.
> 
> I started out thinking I wanted to be lean and all that, but I realized that it's much more fulfilling for me to push myself to lift as much as possible than it would be for me to gauge my progress by how I looked. During my first year or so of lifting I did bodybuilding splits and tried to cut up a few times and I made minimal progress and my lifts went down when I got more lean. It just wasn't satisfying to me. For about a year now I've been eating big and focusing on nothing but getting stronger and I love it.
> 
> ...


Honestly it could have been me that wrote that. I got lucky and stopped bodybuilding a few months into it. I'm currently on starting strength and I recently got injured but got my total somewhere around 1150 @ 205 and my squat in the mid 400s. It's not that good but I'm only 19 and I haven't even been strength training for a year.

Also I know not to start a cycle yet. I won't start a cycle until I know around where I can settle naturally and if I feel I can set records in the ipf/usapl then I'll go ahead and stay natural.

1500 @ 220 is a great goal and I'm also hoping that I can be competitive at 220 eventually naturally.

I'm never going to compete in bodybuilding. Powerlifting is where the fun is and you can still get massive powerlifting. I focus solely on strength and I know my size will increase along with that.

I have stupid goals but I'm definitely not stupid.


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## Boertjie (Aug 7, 2014)

labelme said:


> I'm probably going to start heavy anabolic abuse at some point when I can afford it and it is optimal to do so. I don't care about my body at all.


Seriously? Steroid abuse? So you will be OK with it when you start lactating (getting milk, being able to breastfeed) or getting permanent boobs (that need to be surgically removed)? Monster indeed! Steroid abuse does that, and lots more. Google it.



labelme said:


> I want this for myself and I'm willing to sacrifice happiness and my own body to get there.


So you are willing to be unhappy to be happy? You can't have it both ways.



labelme said:


> I have stupid goals but I'm definitely not stupid.


Please don't be. Don't f up your body. Your body was made to make its own hormones.

But of course you won't listen to me (right?), because you know all these things already.

Its your *choice*, your *consequences*, your *responsibility*, your definite *regret* and your *whole life* that lies ahead at the super young age of 19. Please don't f it up now. You're probably going to live up to the age of 70-80 and if you f up your life now, those remaining 60-70 years are literally going to be a life sentence for your choices today. Consequences man...consequences.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

labelme said:


> Honestly it could have been me that wrote that. I got lucky and stopped bodybuilding a few months into it. I'm currently on starting strength and I recently got injured but got my total somewhere around 1150 @ 205 and my squat in the mid 400s. It's not that good but I'm only 19 and I haven't even been strength training for a year.
> 
> Also I know not to start a cycle yet. I won't start a cycle until I know around where I can settle naturally and if I feel I can set records in the ipf/usapl then I'll go ahead and stay natural.
> 
> ...


Doesn't sound stupid at all. That's awesome you figured it out quick. I wasted over a year on various unproductive splits. I managed to get an okay bench and deadlift doing them once a week, but my squat went nowhere until I started doing it more often. I'm doing an upper/lower split now with 5/3/1 programming and I'm about to add in some light squats on one of my upper days to catch it up some. I'm in about the same ballpark on my total, around 1200 for my gym lifts. I was going to do a USAPL meet earlier in the year with someone from my gym, but he ended up not being able to because of work and I just didn't have the nerve to do it alone right at the last moment. I think I'm going to find a smaller, local meet to do first and then go from there. I'm the same weight, too. Right at 205.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

Boertjie said:


> Seriously? Steroid abuse? So you will be OK with it when you start lactating (getting milk, being able to breastfeed) or getting permanent boobs (that need to be surgically removed)? Monster indeed! Steroid abuse does that, and lots more. Google it.
> 
> So you are willing to be unhappy to be happy? You can't have it both ways.
> 
> ...


I'm aware of the risks. I'll only start that when/if I need to. I'm around 5' 11" so I'll have to end up weighing around 235 lean if I'm ever going to be competitive naturally. So if my lifts don't reach a competitive point naturally then obviously I'll have to do what I have to do to win and reach the goals I set for myself.

So maybe I should change that I'd probably take them to I'm willing to take them to achieve my goals. And if that means gyno/acne/ED/whatever else it may bring on me then so be it.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

JH1983 said:


> Doesn't sound stupid at all. That's awesome you figured it out quick. I wasted over a year on various unproductive splits. I managed to get an okay bench and deadlift doing them once a week, but my squat went nowhere until I started doing it more often. I'm doing an upper/lower split now with 5/3/1 programming and I'm about to add in some light squats on one of my upper days to catch it up some. I'm in about the same ballpark on my total, around 1200 for my gym lifts. I was going to do a USAPL meet earlier in the year with someone from my gym, but he ended up not being able to because of work and I just didn't have the nerve to do it alone right at the last moment. I think I'm going to find a smaller, local meet to do first and then go from there. I'm the same weight, too. Right at 205.


Well I didn't figure it out that quick. Pretty much all of highschool until the end I worked out in the weight room just chatting and being a bro after school. Lol. Only when I decided to get serious about it a few months into taking it seriously I started legit strength training. So technically I've been lifting weights for years but I've only been strength training for 6 months.

That's cool that we're around the same level of strength/bodyweight. I'd train with you but I don't live anywhere near Illinois.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

labelme said:


> Well I didn't figure it out that quick. Pretty much all of highschool until the end I worked out in the weight room just chatting and being a bro after school. Lol. Only when I decided to get serious about it a few months into taking it seriously I started legit strength training. So technically I've been lifting weights for years but I've only been strength training for 6 months.
> 
> That's cool that we're around the same level of strength/bodyweight. I'd train with you but I don't live anywhere near Illinois.


Yeah, I "lifted" in high school and a few years after. It mostly consisted of lots of bench press, 3/4 squats and lat pull downs. I had a good bench and that was about all. Then I quit until a few years ago. Did a few various splits and then got serious around the beginning of this year.

Do you follow any powerlifters on YouTube? Pete Rubish and Ben Rice have some great totals at 220. Pete's not natty, but doesn't pretend to be. Garrett Blevins is a beast at 242.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

JH1983 said:


> Yeah, I "lifted" in high school and a few years after. It mostly consisted of lots of bench press, 3/4 squats and lat pull downs. I had a good bench and that was about all. Then I quit until a few years ago. Did a few various splits and then got serious around the beginning of this year.
> 
> Do you follow any powerlifters on YouTube? Pete Rubish and Ben Rice have some great totals at 220. Pete's not natty, but doesn't pretend to be. Garrett Blevins is a beast at 242.


Yeah I got pretty good at half squats during my time in football. Lol.

Yeah I follow pete and I used to follow ben rice (I can't follow everyone lol). I haven't heard of garrett blevins for some reason but I'll look him up. I follow powerlifters like pete rubish, david troutt, eric lilliebridge, and george leeman.

I saw a vid of pete doing bulgarian split squats with 315 and I subscribed solely because that's insane.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

labelme said:


> Yeah I got pretty good at half squats during my time in football. Lol.
> 
> Yeah I follow pete and I used to follow ben rice (I can't follow everyone lol). I haven't heard of garrett blevins for some reason but I'll look him up. I follow powerlifters like pete rubish, david troutt, eric lilliebridge, and george leeman.
> 
> I saw a vid of pete doing bulgarian split squats with 315 and I subscribed solely because that's insane.


Have you seen his videos since he moved and switched gyms? The people at his new gym aren't used to him yet and whenever he's doing deadlifts the whole gym is mirin' so hard their eyes are about to pop out. I'm not going to lie, I would be, too. I saw a guy do 635 for a few reps at my gym once last December and then never saw him again.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

JH1983 said:


> Have you seen his videos since he moved and switched gyms? The people at his new gym aren't used to him yet and whenever he's doing deadlifts the whole gym is mirin' so hard their eyes are about to pop out. I'm not going to lie, I would be, too. I saw a guy do 635 for a few reps at my gym once last December and then never saw him again.


Yeah, but I miss the old pete rubish with his raw intensity. That got me so pumped up. The mirin is funny as hell though. I'd be mirin plenty as well.

I don't think I've ever seen someone deadlift over 5 plates at my gym. lol. My gym is lame as hell. Do you train at a commercial gym or a real one?


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## 49erJT (Oct 18, 2010)

labelme said:


> Anyone else not going for a beach body? I honestly want people to see me and be scared. I want to be that freakishly muscled and strong kinda look. **** appeasing others. This is what I want for myself. I'm probably going to start heavy anabolic abuse at some point when I can afford it and it is optimal to do so. I don't care about my body at all I just want to get so big and strong I don't even look human and I can lift godly amounts of weight.
> 
> Obviously I have mental issues but I also don't want to be cured. I want this for myself and I'm willing to sacrifice happiness and my own body to get there. Was wondering if there's anyone else like this out there?


I can't relate. Don't get me wrong I do value strength training but just totally different approach. After enough injuries (hernias, etc.) I learned to take a more modest approach. Everything in moderation. Also, I like to run too much and you can't get size and run endurance.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I don't have the height to go purely strength. I always told myself if I grew over 6' I'd put on enough muscle to be 300+ pounds and become a linebacker.

I didn't though, and I'm probably better for it. I'm more interested in functional strength. My current goals are high levels of endurance and strength, but not very high since these two can be mutually exclusive for my goals. I'd like to be able to squat 2.5x bodyweight, but at the same time, be able squat 2x BW 40-50 times. Also running speed is important to me. I don't think I'd want to get over 170 lbs.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

Sacrieur said:


> I don't have the height to go purely strength. I always told myself if I grew over 6' I'd put on enough muscle to be 300+ pounds and become a linebacker.
> 
> I didn't though, and I'm probably better for it. I'm more interested in functional strength. My current goals are high levels of endurance and strength, but not very high since these two can be mutually exclusive for my goals. I'd like to be able to squat 2.5x bodyweight, but at the same time, be able squat 2x BW 40-50 times. Also running speed is important to me. I don't think I'd want to get over 170 lbs.


Hmm. Fair enough. It's not easy to be 300+ pounds without being really fat though. Unless you're gifted with really good genetics. I think focusing on strength would still be good for your goals. I'll give you a hypothetical example: if someone has a goal of a 205 lb squat for 50 reps they'd get to their goal a lot faster if they got their squat to 600 lbs first. Once you have the strength all you need to do is build up the conditioning which doesn't take long at all.

As for the 6'0" thing. If your goal is football that's one thing, but there are a ****load of short successful powerlifters. I'm not sure how many people can squat 2x bodyweight 40 times to depth. I don't think anyone can do that currently actually, but you can try.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

labelme said:


> Hmm. Fair enough. It's not easy to be 300+ pounds without being really fat though. Unless you're gifted with really good genetics. I think focusing on strength would still be good for your goals. I'll give you a hypothetical example: if someone has a goal of a 205 lb squat for 50 reps they'd get to their goal a lot faster if they got their squat to 600 lbs first. Once you have the strength all you need to do is build up the conditioning which doesn't take long at all.


As I said previously, they can get mutually exclusive at high level. I'm aware that muscular strength increases muscular endurance at lower weight, but the additional body weight that comes from it isn't worth my goals.

I plan to join the military in a combat unit. So I am specializing into a medic role where I need a lot of strength, but only up to a point. I'll need to lift 250 lbs. person + 70 lbs of gear and carry them around if needed. But anything over that is counterproductive, since it only makes me heavier and slower for functional strength I'd rarely use.

I'd rather be able to ruck around all day with 10 lbs. of extra armor than have 10 lbs. of extra muscle in my arms.


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## rilakkuma (May 2, 2013)

Man, be careful. Don't end up putting your health in danger. You don't wanna look like this:


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

rilakkuma said:


> Man, be careful. Don't end up putting your health in danger. You don't wanna look like this:


I definitely don't wanna look like that. I want to look less fluffy and look dense at about 245-275 bodyweight. That guy's look is the result of a ****load of growth hormone and high reps. If I was to take gear I'd probably stick to test or tren. And I don't lift like a *****. I lift heavy. Ultimately, I don't really care what I can look like as long as I can squat 700+ lbs. Lol


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)




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## rilakkuma (May 2, 2013)

probably offline said:


>


Thank God, I'm vegetarian.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

This is a pretty good article about strength standards.

http://www.muscleandstrength.com/articles/strong-strength-standards-raw-natural-lifters


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

JH1983 said:


> This is a pretty good article about strength standards.
> 
> http://www.muscleandstrength.com/articles/strong-strength-standards-raw-natural-lifters


I actually saw that the other day on jason blaha's channel. I think it's a good chart to see where you're at. Right now I'm ranked around extremely strong.


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

probably offline said:


>


looks tasty.


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## uselessgoodfornothing (Sep 10, 2013)

I want to be a monster. I want to be so fat people get scared when they look at me


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

I'll just stick to painting myself green and skip the gym fees thx


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## dadadoom (Nov 14, 2013)

Hey labelme, I will label you.

Vigorexic.

Now, about consequences with impulsive actions, here is a short story. There was a 18 year old guy with social anxiety and self esteem issues. He found penile enlargament exercises on the Internet. His girlfriend of the time and parents advised him to not do them. He didnt listen, after all what did they knew? It was safe and would give him a huge dick. Fast forward to now. He is 23 years old and havent had orgasms since then. And he has a bigger penis. The guy is me. 

So dont do steroids or some stupid ****. Some things remain forever in your life. Bad things. Like Syntrol:


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## labelme (Apr 22, 2014)

dadadoom said:


> Hey labelme, I will label you.
> 
> Vigorexic.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing, but anabolics and synthol are completely different things. I have ZERRO desire to ever even look at synthol. And whatever disease you 'diagnosed' me with, I really don't care. Humans are so complex there's probably a disease for everything that society deems negative.

With that said, steroids can be used safely. Not only that, but I don't plan on considering using them for years until I'm very thoroughly physically developed. Even then I may be happy being natural. Thanks for your consideration and story anyway.


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## Unit731 (Mar 6, 2015)

' beach body ' lol


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## KrystinaDanielle (Feb 18, 2015)

labelme said:


> Anyone else not going for a beach body? I honestly want people to see me and be scared. I want to be that freakishly muscled and strong kinda look. **** appeasing others. This is what I want for myself. I'm probably going to start heavy anabolic abuse at some point when I can afford it and it is optimal to do so. I don't care about my body at all I just want to get so big and strong I don't even look human and I can lift godly amounts of weight.
> 
> Obviously I have mental issues but I also don't want to be cured. I want this for myself and I'm willing to sacrifice happiness and my own body to get there. Was wondering if there's anyone else like this out there?


yeah...its hard to achieve that without steroids. I definitely understand the idea... I don't want to LOOk like a monster...because... well, I'm a girl... but I do want to be like SUPER CRAZY INSANELY strong! I am small... with small bones and skinny wrists...but I am getting to where I can lift like a beast... do 70 pushups (not a million..but not terribly bad) and with that comes some muscle...but it would be hard for my body type to every be really big! lol... I just want the strength of a monster.

:boogie


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

I would hate to always look like a freak


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think a lobotomy is supposed to increase the amount growth hormone released from the pituitary


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## Estillum (Oct 24, 2012)

_He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

_Wait this is an exercise thread..? ...I'll see myself out._
_


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## n0there (Mar 1, 2015)

Your first post suggests you're not in the right frame of mind for wanting to do this. Not hate, just an opinion. The fact you said you're willing to sacrifice happiness to achieve suggests it's not really want you want to do, more that it's something you feel you have to do?


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## INFJCAT (Feb 21, 2015)

I just came back from the gym and I feel great. It's not the hugeness that I feel pleased about; it's the accomplishment of increasing the weight and seeing results over time. I'm 100% satisfied with what I did today and am happy with that. At what point of being huge will make you satisfied?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Getting big like that is too hard to maintain - protein stuff?

I just want to be lean.


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## INFJCAT (Feb 21, 2015)

Enjoying my protein shake right now as I type.


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## goku23 (Nov 22, 2014)

INFJCAT said:


> Enjoying my protein shake right now as I type.


which one you got?
i bought some xtreme formulations on sale, cookies cream and strawberry - two of the best tasting protein powders ive ever had!

i only have protein powder for a snack to curb desert cravings. just mix a couple scoops with some greek yogurt and chopped raw nuts, mix into a thick paste and stick in the freezer for 45 mins.
tastes awesome! protein ice cream (only if its a good tasting powder though!)


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## INFJCAT (Feb 21, 2015)

Muscle Pharm cookies and cream. I take it with skim milk as post workout.


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