# Friends with benefits



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Has anyone here been in this type of a relationship? If so, how did it start? What ended up happening later on?

If not, what are your opinions of it? Would you be opposed to having such a relationship?


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

When I was younger they were great as long as you stayed real honest and one person didn't decide they want more. 

It is great sometimes to fill in the gaps between relationships. 

Actually now being older I would worry about hurting someone if they developed feelings for me and scared of developing feelings for them and getting hurt. But there are a few people I would love to have this type of relationship with right now. lol.

JMHO


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

women cant keep their feelings out of it. not worth the drama.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

More often it is the women that get emotional - true... but I had the opposite problem of men wanting more than I could give at the time. But, that was 20 years ago.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

What happened? My wife got upset 

seriously though, I have a hard enough time finding friends with no benefits. As everyone said, you have keep emotions out of it and let it be just sex. Some can do it, some can't. Especially if there other friends besides the two of you. Some people have a lot of friends.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Never inside a marriage or any other dating or committed relationship - that is a sure fire way to completely obliterate a marriage. 

And no, that isn't true about it only being about sex. It would seem that way but if you are truly friends first and there is attraction and neither of you are in a relationship and you both know a real relationship would never work. Just sayin'. Sometimes it is nice but it has to be a very unique and extremely honest relationship.

But it is hard to keep it all 'under control' - it takes work, like any other relationship.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

I've never been able to even understand the concept; I don't see how you can be that intimate with a person and "keep your feelings out of it". I guess I see sex as something more than just a physical act.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

It is.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes when for whatever reason you can't find a closeness with God.

And you can't find it within yourself because you don't like yourself that much.

And you can't find it with a significant other.

Then you turn to your friends - and if there is attraction and you deeply care about each other then sometimes things turn --- 'beneficial'

It beats the heck out of drugs or alcohol. 

To be able to give and receive comfort and pleasure and share something that intimate with someone you care deeply for - even if they are just friend.... well, there have been times in life (when I was younger) that this concept made sense.

Usually we all just settle for being alone, frustrated, angry and isolated.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

shadowmask said:


> I've never been able to even understand the concept; I don't see how you can be that intimate with a person and "keep your feelings out of it". I guess I see sex as something more than just a physical act.


eh- sex is just masturbation with another person. sure it feels better if you have feelings for the other person. but it does its job even if you dont have feelings for the other person


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

shadowmask said:


> I've never been able to even understand the concept; I don't see how you can be that intimate with a person and "keep your feelings out of it". I guess I see sex as something more than just a physical act.


I don't get it either and I don't really like it but there are people that don't have a problem with having a friend with benefits and well good for them if they don't have a problem with it. If you're a really sensitive person and want a relationship instead of just sex it's not worth it.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

nubly said:


> eh- sex is just masturbation with another person. sure it feels better if you have feelings for the other person. but it does its job even if you dont have feelings for the other person


Sure, it does it's "job" well enough regardless of your feelings for your partner. Personally though, I've never viewed it in that light. Sex without love seems hollow and empty to me. Everyone is different, of course.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

I did this when I was incredibly lonely during the summer. I was sort of attracted to the guy, but had no intention of actually dating him. We had "benefits" throughout most of the summer. The "benefits" made the parts of his personality I disliked become more and more apparent. Between me becoming interested in other people and him acting more and more possessive and "relationshipy," I had to end it. And I did. It did completely kill the friendship, but I'm not entirely certain that that wouldn't have happened on its own anyway.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Heck, just normal friends would be more than enough .


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Can't even imagine.


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## Syrena (Aug 6, 2009)

I would love it. Haven't got any in years.


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## TheGMan (Jun 10, 2004)

It's difficult enough having either friends or benefits. Both at the same time? Never.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> I've never been able to even understand the concept; I don't see how you can be that intimate with a person and "keep your feelings out of it". I guess I see sex as something more than just a physical act.


I've never gotten that myself.
I just don't see how you can be so intimate with someone, but not really care about them at all. Or, at least, not beyond a friendship type relationship.

I'd rather we just be friends, be something more, or nothing at all.


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## The Strong Silent Type (Sep 24, 2009)

Friends with benefits... pretty simple concept. You like the person, you are attracted to the person, you may even have a lot of feelings for the person, but you don't want to be in a relationship with that person, don't believe the relationship would work out, or just want someone better but she's good enough for now.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

See, I don't know, I'm not opposed to the idea, but would I get cut off for being too clingy? Is cuddling not allowed? What about back rubs, or cooking dinner for the person?


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

I don't think I could ever consider having a relationship like this either. Not now anyway (that's if I ever became single again). I sort of tried it once after splitting up with my first serious boyfriend, who I continued to see for a while after on a friends basis. But I didn't feel happy or satisfied with the experience. For one I hadn't given my self the chance to properly get over him in that way since our breakup and I just felt used - even though admittedly it was me who made the decision as well as him. I realised soon after it had been a mistake on my part. And not the type of thing for me. Although as someone else mentioned in here each to their own. If it's the kind of relationship that two friends find mutually satisfying I personally don't have anything against the idea. It's just not the kind of thing that's for me personally. I'm pretty sure this applies to a number of men out there as well as females too. At the end of the day different people want different things out of relationships as individuals.


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

yes please... I mean no please...


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

I'm just not that kinda person...I need to have made some kind of emotinal connection with someone before things ever reach the bedroom...the kind of connection that friends just don't have.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Yes. I dated someone a few times but ended it when they became too suffocating. We hadn't slept together, though. However, we remained friends and one time round their house we held each other again and things went from there. Continuing the friendship in that way did not last long because they wanted a relationship, which I eventually entered into explicitly because that is essentially what it had become anyway.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

nubly said:


> women cant keep their feelings out of it. not worth the drama.


Not so for all women. I have no true feelings for anyone (relationship wise) anymore. Guarantee I could do it with no problem. The last guy I was sort of seeing, I really liked- more than most guys, but now that he's gone I couldnt care less. I expected myself to be more let down but I really don't care. Guess I'm so used to it. I just hate men anymore. 
Anyway can't say that I've actually done this before but I see nothing wrong with it. Nobody truly cares for anyone else anyway so... Might as well go for it, knowing there's no feelings between the 2 people.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

It just wouldn't feel right for me.


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## InThe519 (Sep 21, 2009)

Witan said:


> Has anyone here been in this type of a relationship? If so, how did it start? What ended up happening later on?
> 
> If not, what are your opinions of it? Would you be opposed to having such a relationship?


I've been in that type of relationship a few times. It pretty much started by accident each time. Partly out of just a sexual chemistry and in a couple cases a "co dependency" thing with S.A.D.

These liaison's ended when one of the two of us would get into a relationship or if things got "too intense".

See the problem with the "friends with benefits" deal is that one of the two almost always develops romantic feelings and wants more (usually the female) or thinks of it as more after a period of time.

They usually almost never work out because one of the two and ultimately both people involved end up getting hurt emotionally and it also hurts ones perception of sex. The ability to know the difference and how to separate sex from love making and intimacy.

It's a really bad idea if you are not sexually mature, emotionally capable or stable enough to hand that kind of "relationship".

Most people can't.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I've never done it, but I think I could keep my emotions out of it if I decided to go for it.

I can't see myself ever going for it though, because my desire to just have a plain old relationship is greater than my desire to fool around. I don't think I'd be attracted to a guy anymore if he was okay with doing a friends with benefits thing - it's just not my style.


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## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

i think i'd easily just end up falling for the person lol xD then she/he wouldn't be too happy about that and cut it off, then i'd be all down and go cry again ><

so for me, bad idea lmao xD


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

I once had a relationship like that. It started off as a one-night-stand and we decided to meet up again a couple of weeks later. After that we met up once a week and became friends too. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time.

After about 6 months the talking and being there for each other part had gotten more important than the sex. Luckily though it was mutual and we carried on for quite a while until we both moved to different countries so then that was the natural end of things.

It was a great experience :yes


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

i definitely couldn't handle it. my body might like the idea, but my heart would be like, oh hell no, you're not gonna torture me like that! it would just intensify the loneliness to intolerable levels.


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

I have some good news for all the women here.

After reading about your yearning and desire to have an intimate relationship with no strings attached, I am offering myself with benefits.

PM me and we can take it from there.

*ducks from stilletos already on the way*


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## KyleThomas (Jul 1, 2009)

Shauna The Dead said:


> Not so for all women. I have no true feelings for anyone (relationship wise) anymore. Guarantee I could do it with no problem. The last guy I was sort of seeing, I really liked- more than most guys, but now that he's gone I couldnt care less. I expected myself to be more let down but I really don't care. Guess I'm so used to it. I just hate men anymore.


It's sad that you think that way at 25. :|



> Anyway can't say that I've actually done this before but I see nothing wrong with it. Nobody truly cares for anyone else anyway so...


Um, no...that isn't true at all.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Shauna The Dead said:


> I just hate men anymore. .





Shauna The Dead said:


> Nobody truly cares for anyone else anyway so... .


Just want to say that I'm also sorry to hear you feel that way Shauna :-(. I'm not going to make any kind of attempt to argue with what you've said, as at the end of the day I'm sure you have your very good reasons for feeling that way. Particularly if the majority - or even all - your experiences with guys have been negative one's. If that's the case, then it's not suprising at all you would feel that way (I know what it's like to feel that way believe it or not as have kind of been there in the past) and admittedly there are alot of guys out there who don't know how to treat women and who aren't decent/nice individuals at all. But at the same time I will just say, going by my own life experiences, that I've found it to be the case that not all guys are like that, very far from it. And am hoping that at some point you will decide not to give up on them altogether - and discover for yourself that this is the case. (I hope that doesn't come across at patronising by the way as it's honestly not meant in that way at all, although if it does then I apologise in advance)

Hope you soon start to feel better. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way again.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

> i think i'd easily just end up falling for the person lol xD then she/he wouldn't be too happy about that and cut it off, then i'd be all down and go cry again


This


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## glarmph (May 21, 2009)

It didn't work out for me. She kept her feelings out of it, but I didn't. It's too hard to be that intimate with someone and not develop strong feelings. As least it was for me.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

mountain5 said:


> See, I don't know, I'm not opposed to the idea, but would I get cut off for being too clingy? Is cuddling not allowed? What about back rubs, or cooking dinner for the person?


There's a great _Seinfeld_ episode about this. The dialogue between Jerry and Elaine as they try to lay out the ground rules is classic.

I'm sure someone less lazy than myself can go find the clip on YouTube or something . . .


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

"Friends with benefits" has been an alien concept for me too. Except for my first time with a hooker, I've gotten my gratification either from women I've been in serious relationships with or from my left hand.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Yes, I have. We were friends and we cared about each other, the way friends do. Cuddles and back rubs were fine - and they still are, cos we're still friends, just not having sex anymore


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

shadowmask said:


> I've never been able to even understand the concept; I don't see how you can be that intimate with a person and "keep your feelings out of it". I guess I see sex as something more than just a physical act.


Well, I think there's a lot of middle ground between sex as a component/expression of romantic love and sex as "just a physical act." Surely having sex with someone you know well, feel comfortable with, and trust--even if there's not the same level of commitment that comes with a romantic relationship--is very different from, say, having sex with a prostitute, having a drunken one-night stand with a stranger you met at a bar, "hooking up" at a party, etc.

That said, I don't think I have the emotional makeup to make such a relationship work, either. I have a hard time disciplining my emotions, so I almost certainly would get too clingy and caught-up.

(Of course, _that_ said, I would probably have a hard time turning down a friends-with-benefits relationship if one were offered to me. Especially since I'm not confident I'll ever be in a romantic relationship I again, I would at least want to give FWB a shot.)


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## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

Attempted and failed. It must depend on the individual though. It seems some people can pull it off okay. I like romance and love too much.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

It's fine if you both mutually agree and understand that it's purely physical. I had one for about a month before I started feeling like such a piece of sh*t that I stopped seeing him. He kept bugging me and bugging me for sex for so long afterwards. blahh. I had a friend who had a friends with benefits for about 2 years and then out of nowhere he freakin proposed!! WtF?? She would go over to his house, have sex, and leave. for 2 years. and somehow in his twisted head he thought that was a relationship? FWB can end badly for either gender. Although women are usually more emotionally attached when it comes to sex.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

KyleThomas said:


> It's sad that you think that way at 25. :|
> 
> Um, no...that isn't true at all.


it is true for me.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Thanks but I've had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many bad experiences. Everybody treats me like ****. When I get dumped I'm always given the same dumbass excuses. All men are the same! I hate them all. At least all the dumbass losers I've ever met in my lifetime. 
My only options are to keep getting treated like ****, give up, or go lesbian. Which I have thought of going with the 3rd option.



Black_Widow said:


> Just want to say that I'm also sorry to hear you feel that way Shauna :-(. I'm not going to make any kind of attempt to argue with what you've said, as at the end of the day I'm sure you have your very good reasons for feeling that way. Particularly if the majority - or even all - your experiences with guys have been negative one's. If that's the case, then it's not suprising at all you would feel that way (I know what it's like to feel that way believe it or not as have kind of been there in the past) and admittedly there are alot of guys out there who don't know how to treat women and who aren't decent/nice individuals at all. But at the same time I will just say, going by my own life experiences, that I've found it to be the case that not all guys are like that, very far from it. And am hoping that at some point you will decide not to give up on them altogether - and discover for yourself that this is the case. (I hope that doesn't come across at patronising by the way as it's honestly not meant in that way at all, although if it does then I apologise in advance)
> 
> Hope you soon start to feel better. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way again.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

Sorry again to know you feel that way and that things are like that. :-( I can appreciate why you'd feel that way, considering that from the sounds of things you've been through a pretty bad time with guys. Even though to a fair extent my experiences have differed to yours.

Hope that you soon start to feel at least a little better and clear headed about things.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I wouldn't make a good w*ore, I get too emotionally attached.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I think friends with benefits is optimal for a person seeking only sexual satisfaction. The problem is that many people both male and female are searching for something more. I would not be in such a relationship,.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Phibes said:


> I wouldn't make a good w*ore, I get too emotionally attached.


there goes my offer, haha. :b

i've done this before, but people get too attached to me...and are still attached to me...and still want me...when i have a boyfriend...and, yeah never mind, haha. :um


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

nubly said:


> eh- sex is just masturbation with another person.


I larfed


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