# Were your parents shy, introverted or withdrawn?



## themoth (Oct 5, 2010)

Did one or both of your parents have any social anxiety?

Do you believe you may have learned some avoidance or coping skills from them?

My mom's virtually a recluse and couldn't help us much at school, etc...I tried to do better for my kids, but still missed the marked, compared to most parents (I think).....:| Then again, I have siblings that have no problem dealing with others...:um

Any thoughts regarding parental influence?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

No, my Mom is extroverted and can be described as well meaning but domineering. My father is untalkative and difficult to get close to, but not what I would call anxious. My brother was among the most popular people in my community while growing up and remains so today.

As for me, I would describe myself at the time as a kid who seemed to missing the instruction manual on how to socialize and how to successfully handle people. I was considered among the brighter students in the classroom. And my one saving grace was I was one of better athletes in my small town. I never had any what I would call close friends, but between my brother and being a decent athlete I got to go to most of the parties and social events that you think of associated with a small town. But, I mostly felt like an outsider that didn't know how to relate to other people. Some people considered me weird, others as arrogant and cocky. I have no idea how I ended up the way I am. Even now I think of myself as more socially clueless than socially anxious, though I do clearly have anxiety issues.


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## Amber78 (Jun 25, 2010)

Yes both of my parents has social anxiety.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

My father probably had SA. He self medicated with alcohol and threw himself into work, but then that was pretty typical of men in the 50s and 60s.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

I don't think it's social anxiety I think the women is just off her rocker at times;-)

Nah, not so much social anxiety as anxiety in general.


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## themoth (Oct 5, 2010)

Yeah, the more I think about it, it seems I was born sensitive, vigilant, and a worrier...makes being alone so much easier than dealing with people I'm not sure about! If I act neurotic, my daughter gently says, "you're turning into your mother...". My daughter is shy, too, but doing pretty well in college, now. I hope her life only gets better and better....


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## Madam (Oct 11, 2010)

My mum is really extrovert and goes out a lot but she has lot's of self concious issues - very low self esteem.... I definitely got that from her 

My dad I am unsure about ... he hated going out and was a raging abusive alcoholic...I also cannot remember him ever having friends so I reckon his alcohol abuse could be due to SAD...I got in touch with him after 15 years of not talking or seeing each other when my son was born 6 years ago and even though we talk more regularly via the phone I can honestly say I still don't know who he is..he never talks about himself in any way or his feelings he always remains very platonic in conversations and is awkward socially.

Upside about my father is that I am t-total and would never ever touch alcohol purely as I saw what it did to our family.


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## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

Nope, my parents were flaming extroverts, really out there, ambitious, high-achieving people.
My mom did (does) have depression and would sometimes withdraw, but she is not by nature shy. The depression would manifest in aggressive ways, out there.
My brother, too, is extremely extroverted, boisterous, outgoing.
As is cousins on both sides of my family.
I don't know any shy people in my family. I don't know where I came from. :stu


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## Madam (Oct 11, 2010)

Time to have that talk with your mum about her and the milkman Oregonmommy 'giggles' Just kidding!


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Both my parents are extreme extroverts.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

My mom is shy.


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## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

Madam said:


> Time to have that talk with your mum about her and the milkman Oregonmommy 'giggles' Just kidding!


Hmmm :b...wondered about mom and her 'excursions'. Wasn't just getting 'lost'...lol.


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## pumpkinspice (Aug 8, 2010)

My mom has anxiety issues, doesn't like large crowds but is pretty social. I actually find it fairly obnoxious because when we go places like stores she feels the need to converse with random strangers while I end up walking away and wanting to get the hell outta there. Seriously the woman will go to the store to pick up one thing and end up being gone for over an hour because she ends up striking up conversations with other customers or the employees there. 

She says it's her "alone time" when she's out and she likes to take her time, browse around and chat with people. Which I guess is cool as long as it makes her happy but I just hate when she does it when I'm with her. 

My dad was very social also. He was really popular and had a ton of friends. Everywhere we went he was well known.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Yeah, my parents aren't exactly popular extroverts. My dad is friendless and appears to have no desire to have friends. He may be depressed, but he may just be really introverted. He just sits around watching television in his free time. My mom has anxiety and self esteem issues. She has some friends, but not that many. People tend to think she's weird. 

yes, I've learned coping skills from them. I don't watch television at all, but I do sit around alone reading, browsing the internets, and playing video games. I mostly keep to myself and don't have much desire to socialize in RL. This is because people tend to think I'm weird, despite how depressed or anxious I may be at any given time.


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## eejm (Jan 22, 2010)

My parents were very outgoing. I grew up in a small town, and they were known and liked by about everyone. My mom has a more domineering, authoritative personality while my father was more easygoing and generally likeable. My brother is/was extremely self-confident, very popular, and very successful. 

Oddly enough, all four of us did well alone, though. We all had separate interests and pursued them independently of one another. None of us are the type of people who have to be with others 24/7. I do see myself as the least socially "gifted," though. I've always had friends and been lucky in that respect, but I don't naturally blend with people. 

My husband is actually very much like my father in the fact that he's very easygoing (although he has a stubborn, critical side that sometimes comes out) and attracts people because of his calm disposition and balanced nature. My son came out much like my brother - very confident, very authoritative, very popular. 

I think I developed a deeper understanding of how to treat people due to my emotional ups and downs over the years. A well-developed sense of empathy is something both my mother and brother lack. I feel lucky in a sense, but sometimes I'd kind of like to ignore those empathetic feelings and be confident and unwavering in the fact that I'm "right." I mean, it just seems so satisfying.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

My dad can talk to anyone, my mom tells me she was quiet when she was younger but never had SA. My grandpa on my mom's side was very quiet and so is one of her brother's so I'm sure I got my quiet tendencies from her side of the family.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

My mother is shy, withdrawn and with a general passive, negative attitude towards life.


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## ambergris (Oct 15, 2010)

My father is naturally shy but comes across as more confident than he is. I think this makes it harder for him to sympathise with my issues. There's an element of 'I forced myself to do these things even though it was hard, why can't you?' And my mother is generally anxious, but not so much socially... it's odd. I feel she fundamentally isn't _interested_ in other people or what they might think of her because her focus on herself is so intense. Also, she finds it hard to grasp that other people's perceptions might be different from her own, so that saves her from agonising about their responses to her.


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## livinginfear (Jan 31, 2009)

My dad was shy and reserved, and may have had mild SA. My mom was an anxious sort.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

No they were both very out going when they were young, my mom not so much now. I don't know about my father.


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## maltese (Sep 11, 2010)

My father suffers from SA and depression.


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## camtrol (Sep 29, 2010)

*parents split the difference*

My dad had what i have in the bipolar disorder and died of his own accord when i was very very young, my mom is outgoing and makes a lot of friends now that she has raised her family all by herself, then again she always had the ladies in for cards and had friends in the neighborhood not SA at all like me.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

TO keep things simple:

DAD has SA.

MOM is bipolar.

I am ****ed.


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## Jellybean2010 (Jan 3, 2010)

I would describe my mother as an extrovert but a worrier. My dad (I lost contact with him a number of years ago) exhibited a number OCD type symptoms when I was growing up, like a tendency to horde things and obsession for working out betting formulas (he liked to gamble). But I would not have described him as an anxious person, he was quite laid back.

Neither of them had/have any problems socially interacting though.


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## Vimsen (Oct 11, 2010)

The parents I grew up with (mother and step-father) has had no issues what so ever in this regard. They have always been there for me, and it is thank's to them my life is the way it is today, I owe them a lot. I also grew up with three half-brothers who also has neved had any "issues".

Some of my issues are genetic, inherited from my biological father. I've never lived with him though.


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## Bewil (Jan 3, 2010)

Both parents were out going. My father was subject to explosive anger and violence directed towards the kids. I don't know if there is any connection but problems with substance abuse and mental issues is pretty common among the six kids.


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## theEscapist (Oct 13, 2010)

My parents were both quiet children. As adults, they are functioing human beings, so somehow they found ways to cope (although my mother's social life is limited to her interactions at work... at home she drinks away her sorrows).

I definitely think their issues contributed to my SA. Either by nature of nurture I was destined to become the recluse that I am today. :roll


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## demureCat (Jun 17, 2010)

My parents are friendly with co-workers and neighbors but not outgoing to engage strangers, unless on business. As a tradesmen and housewife, they needed no greater social skills or outlook. They would host large family gatherings but never a group of friends. The occassional visit from a relative or co-worker was their most frequent social activity.

Being children of the Depression, they were older than many of my peers parents (Boomers). I have to think, they had little grasp of the "warehouse schools" and their "Lord of the Flies" social mix that me and my siblings attended. But as tradesmen, my brothers do fine, I guess. I feel I should have learned a trade.


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## safam (Oct 21, 2010)

Thinking about it now,my dad most probably had SA.He never had any friends,was very reserved and an alcoholic.I never heard him yell and he was never involved in disciplining us.When he was drunk,he often threatened to commit suicide.The only time he was talkative and argumentative was when drunk.Actually, that was also when he would cry and tell us he loved us .He actually die of alcohol related causes.
My mum however is a "people" person.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Yeah, absolutely. My dad is shy, and socially inept enough for his employer to pay for Dale Carnegie classes. My mom is an outgoing people-person, yet she used to be painfully shy.


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## artistgyrrl (Oct 26, 2010)

Both my parents are very social and can talk with anyone, at any time. They do not understand why I find it so hard. When I was a kid I was in a lot of activities but was only comfortable if my mom was there as one of the helpers etc. 

I am the only shy person in my whole family thinking on it, the rest get up and dance and go socialize without a second thought. In a way I wonder if I had not been an only child if possibly having to compete for attention and speak up would have helped me in the long run. As is I was perfectly fine playing by myself, entertaining myself and not talking with others unfortunately I didnt learn to socialize properly and now its hard for me to do what comes naturally to the rest of my family.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

My mom's a introvert .. she's not shhy or anything just perfurs being alone & reading a book.
but my dad is an extreame extrovert =p , he makes convo with practically everybody he comes by..


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## Enola (Dec 13, 2008)

When my mother wasn't dealing with depression (did not know at that time she was but now I realize she did) she could be quite the extrovert and make friends easily. She could converse with people for hours and I wish I had her gift of gab. My dad, whom I did not even grow up with on the other hand, is the introvert. I think he may have social anxiety but we are still not close after all these years so I don't know for sure.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't think it matters much.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

My mother was very quiet and withdrawn with people outside of the family, and not in a subtle way. Most of those who knew her have commented on it. I wouldn't call my dad extroverted, but he's normally sociable. Also very tempermental and prone to depression, but with the tragic life he's led that's not surprising. Whether the similar personality I share with them is more a result of nature or nurture I'm not sure.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

My father was withdrawn somewhat. My mother was social, but ran into people who weren't so nice - I kind of have her personality to the likelihood of SA comes with it.


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## Banana Cream (Aug 22, 2010)

My biological dad- extroverted, at least around me. But I was raised with

Step-Father- neither social nor introverted
Mom- teeter- totter

Many siblings- Seem to all struggle with SA at times, even if we hide it. Even the one who seems outrageously extroverted says she's just a good actress, and is actually very inhibited.


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## Banana Cream (Aug 22, 2010)

Come to think of it, my mom only had one "friend" for a couple of years, another couple now- but not very close, and I don't remember him having any friends. They were too busy with their two dozen children and grandchildren.


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## stargazer8 (Jun 6, 2008)

My parents are socially awkward to some degree. They don't have any friends. I guess that my mother was shy when I was growing up. My dad didn't have any interests in making friends either. My brother is shy too. But everyone does okay with working and stuff like that. I'm the only person who is affected by SA to the point of not having a job.


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## SilentOutcast (Oct 26, 2010)

farfegnugen said:


> No, my Mom is extroverted and can be described as well meaning but domineering. My father is untalkative and difficult to get close to, but not what I would call anxious. My brother was among the most popular people in my community while growing up and remains so today.
> 
> As for me, I would describe myself at the time as a kid who seemed to missing the instruction manual on how to socialize and how to successfully handle people. I was considered among the brighter students in the classroom. And my one saving grace was I was one of better athletes in my small town. I never had any what I would call close friends, but between my brother and being a decent athlete I got to go to most of the parties and social events that you think of associated with a small town. But, I mostly felt like an outsider that didn't know how to relate to other people. Some people considered me weird, others as arrogant and cocky. I have no idea how I ended up the way I am. Even now I think of myself as more socially clueless than socially anxious, though I do clearly have anxiety issues.


Sounds almost exactly like my situation, my brother is popular socially, my mom can't keep quiet, talks to anybody. My dad is like if you ask him a question it takes like 5 minutes before you get a response so you think he is ignoring you, but goes to many social actives with my mom. In describing myself I was a very socially anxious person until several years ago with some exceptions. But have no clue on how to make friends or enter relationships.


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## kiasockmonkey (Dec 13, 2010)

My mother was an extrovert when I was young (partied a lot, had lots of friends), but is withdrawn now, as far as I know.

Funny, but I think her extreme extroversion may have caused most of my shyness/esteem issues as a kid. I distinctly remember being very uncomfortable around her (maybe because she treated her friends better, I dunno).


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

No. My mom talks to people everywhere she goes.


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## Cerberios (Nov 8, 2010)

My dad was always an extrovert, as a kid back in his home land he was a hard worker and all that shazz.

My mom on the other hand was a shy, shy girl. Although she overcame it once she grew into her teen years. I was also an incredibly shy girl (still kinda am) and she thought, like her, that I would grow out of this phase come teenage-hood... _APPARENTLY NOT._


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## mrbojangles (Oct 8, 2009)

My mother is a textbook extrovert. She has no filter on what she says and it's really embarrassing at times. People in our family constantly have to tell her to quiet down in public places because she's talking too loud. She even starts random conversations with strangers in public. I don't know how to describe my dad, but he's definitely not shy, maybe anti social? He alternates between being really talkative and withdrawn. There are days where you can't get him to shut up about whatever he's talking about, and then there are days where you can sit with him at a table and he won't say a single word to you.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

mrbojangles said:


> My mother is a textbook extrovert. She has no filter on what she says and it's really embarrassing at times. People in our family constantly have to tell her to quiet down in public places because she's talking too loud. She even starts random conversations with strangers in public. I don't know how to describe my dad, but he's definitely not shy, maybe anti social? He alternates between being really talkative and withdrawn. There are days where you can't get him to shut up about whatever he's talking about, and then there are days where you can sit with him at a table and he won't say a single word to you.


That sounds just like my mother.

I don't know my dad. He died when I was three.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

Adopted parents (who have been mine since I was a month old): not shy at all

Birth parents: YES!


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

farfegnugen said:


> No, my Mom is extroverted and can be described as well meaning but domineering. My father is untalkative and difficult to get close to, but not what I would call anxious...I never had any what I would call close friends.


Your story sounds a bit like mine. My mom is an extrovert but kinda socially inept because she's rude/gossipy. My dad is an introvert but no major anxiety issues. He keeps to himself and never bothers anyone. He might have Asperger's? Like yourself, I was socially clueless, also. I think what saved me is when I was younger I was an okay athlete and really good in school. In university what saved me was being really good at certain subjects and I helped many students with the material and even let people copy off me and stuff. Also many girls liked my looks, because I trained like crazy.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

My father is outgoing, all of my life and my mother was outgoing, all of my life also. My father never had a problem making friends and my mother had more friends later in life.


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