# how honest are you with your therapist?



## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

I saw a new therapist today since I moved to a new city, and at the end of the meeting (and from her facial expression throughout the meeting), she said, in a surprised expression, how honest and revealing I was. I felt embarrassed, though I basically told her everything about my life and how i got to where I am today..and told her things that people normally would be hesitant to talk about (like pathetically saying, while bawling my eyes out, that people always leave me out of their groups). Anyways, I just wanted ot know how honest you are with your therapist or do you hide certain details, like the embarrassing things? I just feel so weird that she reacted the way she did.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

Yea I've been told I was very open before by my old doc.
I keep more things to myself now though with my new doc. I don't want to unload so much anymore. In time


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

I see no reason to not be completely honest with a therapist if you are there because you are personally driving your search for improvement. Some people are in therapy because they are acting contrite to hopefully get a reduced sentence in a legal case. Personally I hate being in mixed group therapies where some are there for that reason. They will be the ones with their head down on the table, hat on assways, and act like it's all something to endure. I don't like exposing my business round such putzes and it can anger me to the point of confrontation. But in one on one, there is no reason not to be completely honest--one thing you want to find out is how the therapist reacts to certain things. Some of them are--let's just say--not right for you. And it's up to you to get situated with someone else, if you find your therapist is wrong for you. They are not all the same and some are poorly suited for that job.


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## Higgins (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't hide anything. A lot of people do, but I think that's pointless. Why bother going to a therapist if you're gonna lie your way through your sessions? There's nothing wrong with getting comfortable before being open, but I'm talking about folks who'll straight up never mention things they should definitely be mentioning...


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## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

I used to lie all the time... It is completely counterproductive and makes the whole process useless, so it makes no sense to even have a therapist. But I did. I just didn't want to change, so I'd lie about this or that. Like, that I had a test and passed, when in actuality I slept right through the whole thing. Purposefully. Honesty in terms of emotions is just not my strong suit, I hate emotions and I hate talking about them and dealing with them. I was thinking about starting therapy again but then I was like, why? I have no use for discussing my issues. ATM I'm bucking up. Otherwise, I'd just lie about things and not be open. I've never been open! In all 10 years of therapy, never once have I been open! I think maybe one in my outpatient therapy, actually. That was it, in 10 years lol.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

The only thing I've been reluctant to talk about is my masturbation/pornography addiction, I feel that I should tell my therapist this but how can I tell her without feeling embarrassed. Anyway, I've been more or less honest about everything else and I have never lied to my therapist.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

It takes me a while to really warm up to them, at least ten or fifteen sessions. I've never lied, it just takes me a while to start throwing my feelings and issues out there. I've had dozens of therapists since my first one when I was fifteen, and I get that reaction a lot...that they're surprised at my honesty and how open I am. Especially about things that I'm obviously uncomfortable talking about, like abuse from when I was little. It's difficult to say exactly at what point that trust is there...it takes a while for me.

It's hard imo to find a good one, also. I've had one fire me (I got into hard drugs and wouldn't stop) and I've had a few that I've fired, they just wouldn't have worked out, and one that just sort of disappeared but that's another story. A lot of people believe that rather than spoonfeed to you what you need to hear, their job is to make you think and realize and believe what you need to hear on your own. Not all of them do that though.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

gotta tell someone, its tough being out there on your own. I'm still figuring out how to use that "starter relationship" situation with a therapist for more than getting tips and venting or using as a sounding board. I guess figuring goals is pretty goddam difficult, have to figure out whats important, whats transient. I'm starting to realize im going to be a comic book or sports nerd for awhile, trying to focus on those and getting out even though they're not dropping panties from across the room


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

So far I have been as honest as it gets. 

I see no point in lying. Unless you are going to therapy just because someone told you to go but you do not really want to go or help yourself. In that case, you better stay at home cause you are lying to yourself the most. It will lead to nothing. Just a waste of money and time.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

I'm struggling with whether I should continue seeing mine. The therapist is nice, but I feel like I can't be completely honest about certain things. My therapist seems to get irritated whenever our beliefs differ (she believes in spiritual things and at least some alt med, I don't) and it's something I need to talk about since it's been a big part of my life. I have been honest about some embarrassing things, though, and the therapist has been cool with them, which surprised me. Sometimes, I'm worried that I'm not receiving honest answers -- such as about my prospects, and want to say something but it's difficult since I hate switching and many don't seem to understand how debilitating anxiety disorders can be which is surprising given that some of them have a PhD.


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

I feel like I trust any therapist that comes on my path.. For the past 2 therapists I've seen, I've opened up and trusted them completely during the first session, like I just dumped all my problems on them. The one I have now, which is the one I mentioned in the opening of this post, didn't seem to push more sessions on me, which makes me wonder if I've been too honest and she doesn't like some of the things I said. Like for example, I talked about how I feel my race (Asian) is incompatible with whites, and this therapist is white lol.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

nightwalker said:


> I feel like I trust any therapist that comes on my path.. For the past 2 therapists I've seen, I've opened up and trusted them completely during the first session, like I just dumped all my problems on them. The one I have now, which is the one I mentioned in the opening of this post, didn't seem to push more sessions on me, which makes me wonder if I've been too honest and she doesn't like some of the things I said. Like for example, I talked about how I feel my race (Asian) is incompatible with whites, and this therapist is white lol.


That's probably a good thing if the therapist isn't being pushy. At least you know she's not trying to get you to go just for the money. Well, if she didn't just quickly dismiss what you were saying and try to change the subject, it shouldn't be a problem being honest with her about that.


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## Roadkill1337 (Sep 16, 2013)

In my first few sessions I wasn't honest at all, but as time went by I began to trust him more and opened up a bit. Now I try not to lie.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

nightwalker said:


> I feel like I trust any therapist that comes on my path.. For the past 2 therapists I've seen, I've opened up and trusted them completely during the first session, like I just dumped all my problems on them. The one I have now, which is the one I mentioned in the opening of this post, didn't seem to push more sessions on me, which makes me wonder if I've been too honest and she doesn't like some of the things I said. Like for example, I talked about how I feel my race (Asian) is incompatible with whites, and this therapist is white lol.


Interested to hear how it turns out, since you seem like you have it partly together and can talk to therapist. I'm wondering how saying that to white people usually goes. I usually take a stab at a therapist too around the 10th time they say ...and hows... or stare at me blankly. calling them out for me is especially easy when they focus on one area (probably where they had problems) or barely have an opinion. I had one guy who spent 5 years in school then switched to psychology/councelling work and tried to sell me on his "specialty" in helping people with their careers. It seemed to me like he spent 10 years in school and bailed or drank away half and called mom or dad for a redo along with other problems. So it could be the therapist, either way thou you bias is probably some part real some part fun conversation to sort **** out. should say that knocked me off therapy for 6months, its a process resetting and starting again


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## Asdf*456 (Feb 1, 2014)

When I was 16 I was seeing a therapist and for an entire year and I never once told her the truth. 

Partly because I didn't want to be there and partly because I have serious trust issues.


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## Anonymous45 (Feb 3, 2014)

You need to be honest with your therapist because that's the mistake I made... I could have gotten so much help if I would have just been honest and not made stuff up. At the time I was in fourth grade when I went to see her and I told her about a lot of the fake friends I had and blamed it all on my mom constantly nagging (which isn't true). But in my defense I was small and didn't know how to put my feelings into words back then. Now I'm a junior in high school and I'm finally getting to go see another therapist and hopefully he/she will diagnose me correctly this time.


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## czersalad19 (Oct 31, 2011)

She's happy for you. 


I'm happy for you.

It takes guts to open yourself up to somebody.

You did good. 

Well done!


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

I've held back sometimes about suicidal feelings.


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## shyguyred (Jul 26, 2013)

I pretty much have spilt every thought and idea to my current therapist. I even told her how im suicidal and have nothing left to live for,I got into existenal nihilism my atheism my distrust of people and how im repulsed by others.I really don't care if they commit me to a mental hospital any more because its better then sitting here every weekend.Atleast itll give me a story to tell if it happens I see no way to solve my problems.They prescribed me Xanax and it has no effect on me,because I don't really get anxious that often more I think its more depression ,only when im alone though which is when ever im off from school and work.If I had a vacation for 2 weeks it would kill me,i would pay not to have to use it.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

Hey night walker, didn't mean to get heavy and wanted to hear back because I liked your post. How are things going?


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## introvert33 (Jun 23, 2010)

its probably just refreshing to her for someone to be honest and motivated to change


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

I feel like I'm too open.


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

Len Phelbs said:


> Hey night walker, didn't mean to get heavy and wanted to hear back because I liked your post. How are things going?


I have my next appointment tomorrow, will let oyu know how it goes.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

sounds good. was going to ask if your therapist gives suggestions/homework CBT style or mostly talks?


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

Len Phelbs said:


> sounds good. was going to ask if your therapist gives suggestions/homework CBT style or mostly talks?


so my session yesterday was interesting. she had a big blank paper where she told me to write down my thoughts and feelings in situations where i feel anxious to help me recognize my thought patterns and then she asked whether there were alternative interpretations of situations that i found to be negative ones...if this makes any sense lol. yeah it's CBT style i think, because she gave me hw which was to write down my thoughts/triggers of anxiety and like fill out a chart. is this how your therapy is like (if you are doing therapy)?


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## Bizarre (Jan 21, 2014)

I've never lied, but I have omitted for feeling embarrassed. I have actually had a counselor tell me she had no idea what to say to me or what I should do and gave me a pitiful look. I haven't been back since.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

i don't exactly lie, but i answer all her questions in the briefest, vaguest way possible. and i word my answers so that i don't seem as pathetic as i really am. of course, i do not volunteer information. my therapist just asks me things that aren't actually huge issues for me. i'm mute most of the time. i can't open up to a stranger, and i'm much too stubborn to actually ask for help, even though that's the entire point of therapy.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

good to hear, I'm taking a break going back in March. There wasnt much CBT, i'm looking to try that more. Will be asking about it or changing if its too much the same


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## mishima (Feb 3, 2014)

Not very honest... When I switched from my last therapist to my new one and she asked me if I've ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder I lied to her and said no because I wanted to see if she would give me the same diagnosis and I haven't been talking to her long enough to have an answer but maybe I'm just in denial about my bipolar and she's gonna say the same thing.

Either way, do they even know when we're lying? Not sure if I'm a good liar


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

mishima - Not really a bad idea to look for a second opinion, starting with a blank slate at least gives them room to fit their ideas to you instead of a DSM manual cure or prescription. Most people do that with physical problems, your taking pretty much the same idea.


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## PsyKat (Sep 25, 2007)

100% honest. My general reasoning is that there could always be something I forget or am keeping back that might, in turn, help her help me with my therapy. Leaving out little details can often be detrimental to your treatment.

She gave me her work e-mail so that I can write to her whenever something comes up, instead of waiting for my next appointment for her advice. Truth be told, I personally am not this open with anyone else. Patient confidentiality is a blessing; and my doctor is a sweetheart.


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## JRB7793 (Dec 2, 2012)

I was very open with my therapist today although sometimes I felt a little uncomfortable. The way I see it you need to be open so they can help you and you can get the best benefit out of therapy.


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

you know, i also realized that I feel more comfortable and happy when i talk with my therapist than i do with anyone else. I get really confident, make a lot of eye contact, and smile a lot more..it's so weird and i'm realizing how stupid it is.. it's like i trust her like she's my mother or something


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## vszlte (Jun 17, 2013)

Not very. There's quite a bit that I don't even touch on. She can sense it, and has tried to get me to open up but because I'm stubborn I react defensively to it.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

after a few session , i became open with things . sometimes i find it hard to explain certain things that i wish she could fill in the blanks without asking me.

but she is good , really good . twice she said things about certain things that i was shocked on how accurate she was on how things go and become problems etc.

i would say am like 95% open.


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

. When therapists are good at their job they should be on your side or at least act like it. Sounds like its going ok


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

I'm starting to clam up now because there have been a few times where I felt cut off and redirected when I needed to be heard. I told her how I felt a few times and she gets upset that she 'failed' me and she's starting to interrupt and redirect me whenever I finally am able to cry, which I really need to do. I've told her but she keeps doing it. I'm starting to feel like I don't want to go there, anymore.


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

I've told lies of omission.


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## violetgrey (Feb 18, 2014)

I had a therapist for about 4 sessons...

We sat in awkward silence for 90% of that time because I was too nervous to just strike up a conversation or speak. By the end of the sessions she was telling me about her life.

It was weird, then I stopped going because it cause I'd be anxious for days before I had to go.


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## slider (Feb 9, 2013)

the therapist i had was a total piece of ****, so i was 90% truthful with that sack of ****.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

why is it always so disappointing?


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## chicagochuck (Jan 23, 2012)

My psch is nice. I even tell her about this site, usually when it comes to medication and side affects. She asks me so what are the people on this site saying, etc which I think is pretty cool


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

I feed her the small stuff first, and as she proves that she understands and offer tangible solutions, I'll go deeper.


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## red3002 (Sep 11, 2013)

Somewhat honest.

I only lie when she starts interrogating me, can't let her know all the truth, that is way to dangerous. I leave out a lot, like, a real lot. I don't lie about anything I just say I am not answering that.

Still, I feel like I have been too honest and given her too much ammunition if she decides to flip on me.


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## Testsubject (Nov 25, 2013)

Not honest at all and if you enjoy your freedom you shouldn't be either.


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## dvana (Mar 9, 2012)

I try to be very honest to every therapist, pdoc or doctor I see, I was not always so open though, I used to doctor shop for medications (20 years ago). What changed for me was the constant thoughts of going insane - it was touch and go there for a while at the beginning of my problems with SA panic, depression, GAD. I had some psychotic depression, you know, thoughts I was Jesus for a while, lol, (I am not religious) really got into numerology, etc. it was scary. I wanted to be normal, me again. I am still trying to find me 20 odd years later. I am really struggling right now however with being honest. I have had, lets say some extremely interesting doctors and what two consenting (mostly) adults do, well i am not going to spell it out, but I feel that this has messed me up even more, not sure if being honest would serve any purpose though.


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## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

I said i've been 98% honest. I have never told her how mich time i spend on the computer or that i masturbate every week. 
I feel embarrased to be honest about those two things. Other than that, i'd say i'm doing quite a good job.


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## JRB7793 (Dec 2, 2012)

max87 said:


> I said i've been 98% honest. I have never told her how mich time i spend on the computer or that i masturbate every week.
> I feel embarrased to be honest about those two things. Other than that, i'd say i'm doing quite a good job.


She asked you how much you masterbate each week??


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## JeanniesRiver (Feb 20, 2014)

I had 15 years with one amazing therapist. I was really screwed up. For a few of those years I held so much inside. Then I read about opening up in a book he recommended. It was so cathartic and painful and deep and just so damned unsettling. I developed disasociative disorder right away. It felt awful and the only way I could combat it was to rub my palms of my hands on the chair I sat in to bring myself back to reality. Everything in the room went very far away. It was tough. I fought through it. We then stopped putting out little fires and attacked the great big ones. The last few years I saw him only twice a month. I dearly miss the man. I was so dependent upon him. The last visit was like disconnecting myself from my air supply. 

I breathe on my own now. God bless him.


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## JeanniesRiver (Feb 20, 2014)

I had discussed a few things with my therapist which were way beyond difficult. I told him I was embarrassed. Silly isn't it? Felt he would see me as crazy. Now that's funny! 
I got it all out over a period of months. Used notes. He said I was a good student. I reached so far down that I felt like I was turned inside out. I own my life to his teachings and his patience. The man is the best, gentlest, kindest and yet the toughest man I knew. He expected me to Work on myself and not slack off. He taught me how to kick my own butt and get things done. 
He taught me how to love myself as I am.


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## dvana (Mar 9, 2012)

That sounds like an excellent therapist, I need to learn how to do that. Glad your doing well.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

max87 said:


> I said i've been 98% honest. I have never told her how mich time i spend on the computer or that i masturbate every week.
> I feel embarrased to be honest about those two things. Other than that, i'd say i'm doing quite a good job.


+1


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## pavane ivy (Feb 9, 2014)

I'm fairly honest with him. He's yet to get the whole picture though as he does a lot more of the talking during our sessions. 

I feel we made a breakthrough last time when I spoke more of my past as opposed to current problems. I figured it would be good to start getting to the root of all evil you could say.


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## yesterdays (Dec 31, 2013)

I've now been 5 times and shared pretty much nothing. Just answering his questions, pretty much. I just feel incapable of sharing and expressing my issues with anyone in person. Anyone else having trouble with this?


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

there's alot i don't tell them because i don't want to. tbh i don't think i'm right for therapy but hey ho. 

i did tell a lie to my therapist because there was a really awkward silence so i just made up a story to fill the silence (lol)


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

I don't really share the truth with my therapist.......I have been really down the past few weeks about not being able to talk to girls and be a normal person and hang out with friends and last week the therapist asked me if I was interested in any girls and I of course said no.....but my parents are wasting their money on the therapist and I don't know what to do about it.........I'm afraid that my mom will find out about how I've been feeling and then she'll begin to bother me about it and ask lots of questions and I just don't want that at all


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

JeanniesRiver said:


> I had discussed a few things with my therapist which were way beyond difficult. I told him I was embarrassed. Silly isn't it? Felt he would see me as crazy. Now that's funny!
> I got it all out over a period of months. Used notes. He said I was a good student. I reached so far down that I felt like I was turned inside out. I own my life to his teachings and his patience. The man is the best, gentlest, kindest and yet the toughest man I knew. He expected me to Work on myself and not slack off. He taught me how to kick my own butt and get things done.
> He taught me how to love myself as I am.


That's great.........I can't even tell the truth to mine


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## Len Phelbs (Jan 21, 2014)

slowlyimproving said:


> I feed her the small stuff first, and as she proves that she understands and offer tangible solutions, I'll go deeper.


That seems like the healthy way to do things. treat them like a person but still get at testing them to see if it's worth spending the time. I do a lot of pinballing between thinking I'm wasting time and what I want to get from therapy, I can get erratic and alienate them sometimes


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## Maryanne1986 (Feb 28, 2014)

100%


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I have a therapist appointment next week, and I'm unsure whether to reveal my habit of self-harm. I don't know if they'll take it to be suicidal (which it isn't - for the most part), which they might tell authorities and/or my parents (which is bs, because I am 22). I don't know if it'll come up.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Maybe about 95%... i think


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## HarryStanluv25 (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm very honest with mine. I figure, the only way to get better is to be open about my life. She's supposed to help me and guide me and it's all wasted if I don't feel I can be honest about things. I feel a lot better about who I am after two plus years of therapy and it's all thanks to learning how to be accepting of life itself.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I really do not want to mention some things to my therapist or psychiatrist. Yes, I am seeing both, because I just don't want to. It's embarrassing for me. I don't even say the things I don't want to say to my therapist to my own family or friends. I believe it is nobody's business if it's something I am embarrassed about.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

I think masks are inescapable. Even we put on our "I'm being honest" mask as we think we are being honest.

If someone were to know every single thing about my past, I would ultimately be judged even by professionals who swear they are upholding the ethic of unconditional positive regard. Humans are flawed. Our only hope of redemption is spiritual ie. God...and believe me I'm not a hard core Christian by any stretch.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

riderless said:


> *I think masks are inescapable. Even we put on our "I'm being honest" mask as we think we are being honest.*
> 
> If someone were to know every single thing about my past, I would ultimately be judged even by professionals who swear they are upholding the ethic of unconditional positive regard. Humans are flawed. Our only hope of redemption is spiritual ie. God...and believe me I'm not a hard core Christian by any stretch.


Very true - I have always thought I was being honest with my therapists too, but their perception of me would undoubtedly have been quite varied at times. Also with my particular mood problems I have sometimes been quite delusional - which at the time is not really all that apparent.


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

riderless said:


> I think masks are inescapable. Even we put on our "I'm being honest" mask as we think we are being honest.
> 
> If someone were to know every single thing about my past, I would ultimately be judged even by professionals who swear they are upholding the ethic of unconditional positive regard. Humans are flawed. Our only hope of redemption is spiritual ie. God...and believe me I'm not a hard core Christian by any stretch.


whenever i talk with my therapist, i try to put down any social barriers that i feel is preventing me from showing them my true self. and although i sometimes regret telling them embarrassing things, they at least took that into consideration when evaluating what technique or whatnot would work best for me. then i would get optimal treatment. since i feel they don't know EVERYTHING on my mind and about my past, then i will be wasting my time and money, and i will never be cured...

and tbh the way i've been doing it has led therapy to be tremendously more useful for me. i've made huge improvements since i started doing so.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

GrainneR said:


> I have a therapist appointment next week, and I'm unsure whether to reveal my habit of self-harm. I don't know if they'll take it to be suicidal (which it isn't - for the most part), *which they might tell authorities* and/or my parents (which is bs, because I am 22). I don't know if it'll come up.


My guess is they have a responsibility to tell authorities.
Take care.


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## jsmith92 (Dec 30, 2013)

So don't tell them then


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