# Women who only want sex out of relationships?



## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Do you think it's normal that that is the only part of being in a relationship that I like? 


Anyone else feel like that?


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

I've certainly been in a relationship where we had nothing in common, and kept it going for far longer than it should have because the sex was amazing.

So no, I think it's normal, but is it the only part you've *ever* enjoyed?


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Pretty much.. I stay away from relationships.. And ive only slept with one guy.. But he hates me now because apparently I "used" him for sex.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Most people enjoy other aspects besides the sex in a committed relationship. It's highly enjoyable, but not the only enjoyable thing.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Can guys vote on this poll?

If not please put an, "I'm a guy", option. Or the results will be skewed.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Yes guys can vote


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Having someone to hold and love :yes


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Having someone to hold and love :yes


Awww. I'm too weird for that.. I don't like unnecessary touching. :no


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Brtrev2v said:


> Awww. I'm too weird for that.. I don't like unnecessary touching. :no


I think you'll find that a lot of guys with social anxiety will vote for the options besides sex. We're not the type of guys that just go out and find someone to have sex with on a regular basis, (in general). So something more stable like a loving relationship for the long term is much more appealing.

Plus sex when there's love involved is so much better anyways.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Don't get me wrong.. I never thought that everyone with sa was like that.. It's just me that is.. And I don't go around looking for people to sleep with... Its only been one person and I knew him for four years before anything ever happened. We were just friends but he wasn't exactly hiding the fact that he was interested in me.. I told him over and over again I was no good for him and that I had too many issues to be in a relationship with anybody..


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

For me personally, out of all those options, sex would be the least important even though I believe sex is an essential aspect of a relationship.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Relationships do scare me..is that what you mean by only enjoying the sex cause you are scared of relationships? I do get that..sometimes relationships can be a big thing for some people. I did use people for the sex before...they were doing the same so what does it matter.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

meganmila said:


> Relationships do scare me..is that what you mean by only enjoying the sex cause you are scared of relationships? I do get that..sometimes relationships can be a big thing for some people. I did use people for the sex before...they were doing the same so what does it matter.


Yeah I guess so... I feel like people can't be trusted.. So I don't like getting emotionally involved.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> Yeah I guess so... I feel like people can't be trusted.. So I don't like getting emotionally involved.


That's me. Emotions eff everything up.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Maybe there's something they put in the water in Texas.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

meganmila said:


> That's me. Emotions eff everything up.


Exactly.. I just barely got diagnosed a few weeks ago..l hopefully I'll be able to get past my paranoia.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Maybe there's something they put in the water in Texas.


:bat Not cool... lol


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Canucklehead said:


> Maybe there's something they put in the water in Texas.


Sounds like they enjoy it...maybe I need to pack house and move there.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Brtrev2v said:


> :bat Not cool... lol


It was a joke, and a lame one at that .


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I want a real relationship. Not just for sex.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't drink the tap water here....dunno if that joke would work for me.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

meganmila said:


> I don't drink the tap water here....dunno if that joke would work for me.


That makes me sad :'(

We have awesome tap water in Canada.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

It's alright. I'm just so used to bottle water.


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## Kris10 (Oct 14, 2009)

I prefer to be strictly sex mates.

I don't like being in relationships....they scare me.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I enjoyed the company too cause I have almost no friends. I stayed in my past relationships even though I fell out of love with them (and knew I would never want to marry them) because I was lonely/bored and I appreciated the regular sex. 

It's hard to get regular sex from an attractive guy. You basically have to offer a monogamous relationship with the pretense of it possibly being for the long haul in order to get it.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I enjoyed the company too cause I have almost no friends. I stayed in my past relationships even though I fell out of love with them (and knew I would never want to marry them) because I was lonely/bored and I appreciated the regular sex.
> 
> It's hard to get regular sex from an attractive guy. You basically have to offer a monogamous relationship with the pretense of it possibly being for the long haul in order to get it.


For real.. you'd think it'd be easier.. lol


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Having someone to share hobbies and such with, followed closely by having someone to hold and be loving with.


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## Doomed (Jul 29, 2012)

I voted sex. When you are a single guy, you simply cannot turn down sex. This is why I support the use of **** buddies. I don't get emotional either. I am programmed to grieve for a small amount of time , and then move on.

I am selfish and don't enjoy the company of my gf. I'm easily annoyed by people and need my space, but my last gf could not understand that I didn't want to talk to her every single day. I can't imagine being married! I would suffocate from being around my wife all the time!


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## hoddesdon (Jul 28, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> Pretty much.. I stay away from relationships.. And ive only slept with one guy.. But he hates me now because apparently I "used" him for sex.


Does he know about SA?


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

hoddesdon said:


> Does he know about SA?


Does he know about my social anxiety?

Of course he does. He thinks I'm bipolar. I'm not.

I barely started medicating though too.. So all my issues with all that we're bad..


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Doomed said:


> I voted sex. When you are a single guy, you simply cannot turn down sex. This is why I support the use of **** buddies. I don't get emotional either. I am programmed to grieve for a small amount of time , and then move on.
> 
> I am selfish and don't enjoy the company of my gf. I'm easily annoyed by people and need my space, but my last gf could not understand that I didn't want to talk to her every single day. I can't imagine being married! I would suffocate from being around my wife all the time!


Why not stay single and have random hookups then?


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Doomed said:


> I am selfish and don't enjoy the company of my gf. I'm easily annoyed by people and need my space, but my last gf could not understand that I didn't want to talk to her every single day. I can't imagine being married! I would suffocate from being around my wife all the time!


Same here!


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Doomed said:


> When you are a single guy, you simply cannot turn down sex.


Not true.

I've done it before.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> It's hard to get regular sex from an attractive guy. You basically have to offer a monogamous relationship with the pretense of it possibly being for the long haul in order to get it.


 Huh? I have a really hard time believing this.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Huh? I have a really hard time believing this.


I said regular sex, not one night stand. One night stands are very easy to get.


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## Marvel Fantatic (Aug 23, 2012)

komorikun said:


> One night stands are very easy to get.


For women maybe. Was easy to get for everyone back when chat rooms were popular in the early 2000s though.


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## Howlett (Aug 29, 2012)

Brtrev2v said:


> Pretty much.. I stay away from relationships.. And ive only slept with one guy.. But he hates me now because apparently I "used" him for sex.


Sounds like you are scared to open up to him.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I said regular sex, not one night stand. One night stands are very easy to get.


Lol yeah.. And once a girl wants no strings attached.. That's when the guy wants more..


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Howlett said:


> Sounds like you are scared to open up to him.


He's a cheating pig.. I'm not gonna get attached and then find out he's with other girl behind my back.. I'd rather not have any more stress.. I have enough


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

laura024 said:


> Why not stay single and have random hookups then?


Idk about a guy.. But I'm not a ****.. Ive only slept with one person.. I'd like to keep it like that.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

I hate sex, so obviously I'm not in a relationship for that reason xD. It's nice to have someone to go places with you though, more special when that person is more than just a friend too.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Nekomata said:


> I hate sex, so obviously I'm not in a relationship for that reason xD.


Why do you hate sex?

It sounds to me like the person you are with isn't taking turns in the sack.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Why do you hate sex?


Veryyy good question


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

As long as you're not giving him the idea that it's a romantic relationship I don't see anything wrong about being with a guy only for sex.
I'd like the idea of a romantic relationship, and sex would probably be my favorite part. I can "do stuff," share personal things and be loving with friends, but he's the only one I'd actually have sex with, so....


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

^^ I also like submissive men.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

There's nothing wrong with having a high sex drive and generally being a very sexual person. I think it's silly that women are shamed for that. However, I find it a little curious that you'd rather have a relationship rather than casual sex if the emotional/romantic aspect doesn't appeal to you. A lot of time, commitment, and affection is meant to go into a relationship. Considering that there's significantly more men than women out there willing to have no-strings attached sex, one night stands just sounds significantly more convenient. It's perfectly acceptable if the man your with is also primarily using the relationship for sex. But if the guy is looking for a genuine connection, it seems a bit unfair to him. I noticed that you responded to laura024 by saying "I'm not a ****." Do you prefer to only sleep with one man because you're afraid of ****-shaming? Or do you sincerely feel like there's something dirty/unappealing about having sex with multiple partners? Is it just easier to skip the whole party/bar scene, social interaction, and flirting bit and get straight to the prize?


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Having someone to hold and love :yes


this^, I have a romantic side that has to be let out.:b


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## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

honestly some of the best relationships I've had with women have been based on sex

I was just telling my friend the other day that the ideal relationship for me is to have sex, maybe hang for a bit after that if she wants, but then part ways until next time

it's not that I don't respect women or want to spend time with them, it's just that I don't do well in relationships. I'd rather have an agreement of no strings attached sex. I can love them as a person without getting attached to the concept of a relationship


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Can't really answer this poll. I think all of those things are equally important for me.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I don't care about sex at all.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Nekomata said:


> I hate sex


This is probably mine and many other mans' greatest fear. Being with a woman who either a) hates sex or b) stops the sex after marriage. We hear stories like this that scare us from marriage.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> There's nothing wrong with having a high sex drive and generally being a very sexual person. I think it's silly that women are shamed for that. However, I find it a little curious that you'd rather have a relationship rather than casual sex if the emotional/romantic aspect doesn't appeal to you. A lot of time, commitment, and affection is meant to go into a relationship. Considering that there's significantly more men than women out there willing to have no-strings attached sex, one night stands just sounds significantly more convenient. It's perfectly acceptable if the man your with is also primarily using the relationship for sex. But if the guy is looking for a genuine connection, it seems a bit unfair to him. I noticed that you responded to laura024 by saying "I'm not a ****." Do you prefer to only sleep with one man because you're afraid of ****-shaming? Or do you sincerely feel like there's something dirty/unappealing about having sex with multiple partners? Is it just easier to skip the whole party/bar scene, social interaction, and flirting bit and get straight to the prize?


I sincerely feel like Its dirty to sleep with multiple people.. And this guy, I'd trust him with anything. I'd rather not get attached though because nothing good ever comes out of that.. He also doesn't understand that I have days where I just don't feel like talking to anyone.. And he's one of those people that want to be with or talking to you every waking moment of the day. He's always telling me that he wants to be with me and that he loves me and all that.. And that he won't let me use him for sex. But when it comes down to it, he never turns me down. I do have social anxiety disorder.. So there is no party/bar scene, social interaction, and flirting.. I DO NOT trust people. So every time people will try to flirt and get my number at random places, I'll let them give me theirs and never call. If they can so easily ask a random girl out then I'm sure they do it too many times.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Dita said:


> "Greatest fear"? Meh, this is one of the reasons why I don't even try to have a relationship. I bet it's quite rare to find a man who wouldn't be interested in that aspect that much.


Most of us do want it, but there are guys for whom it isn't as big a deal.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> I sincerely feel like Its dirty to sleep with multiple people.. And this guy, I'd trust him with anything. I'd rather not get attached though because nothing good ever comes out of that.. He also doesn't understand that I have days where I just don't feel like talking to anyone.. And he's one of those people that want to be with or talking to you every waking moment of the day. He's always telling me that he wants to be with me and that he loves me and all that.. And that he won't let me use him for sex. But when it comes down to it, he never turns me down. I do have social anxiety disorder.. So there is no party/bar scene, social interaction, and flirting.. I DO NOT trust people. So every time people will try to flirt and get my number at random places, I'll let them give me theirs and never call. If they can so easily ask a random girl out then I'm sure they do it too many times.


That's respectable. Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship primarily for the sex. However, I can't help but feel sad for your boyfriend because he's hungry for affection that you're too guarded to give me. If you want to stay will him, then I think it's fair to compromise and at least try to establish an emotional connection. If you're not willing to make that compromise, maybe it would be best to leave him for somebody who places as much emphasis on the physical aspect as you do.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> This is probably mine and many other mans' greatest fear. Being with a woman who either a) hates sex or b) stops the sex after marriage. We hear stories like this that scare us from marriage.


I have various theories as to why that happens.

birth control pill (lowers testosterone)
pregnancy and breastfeeding (lowers testosterone)
not really attracted to the husband in the first place (personality, stability, income came first)


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> I have various theories as to why that happens.
> 
> birth control pill (lowers testosterone)
> pregnancy and breastfeeding (lowers testosterone)
> not really attracted to the husband in the first place (personality, stability, income came first)


Ugh, I'm trying to stay positive here!


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Hm, I can't imagine being in a relationship just for sex. Sex is awesome, but being able to be held and cuddled with afterwards beats anything. I love that sense of security and affection, especially after a couple rounds of rough sex. You can't get that feeling of importance from a friends with benefits deal usually.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Ugh, I'm trying to stay positive here!


I think you should be fine as long as your girlfriend still has a high sex drive a couple years into the relationship. When I say a high drive, I mean not just willing to have sex but actively initiates it. If she goes on the pill or gets pregnant/lactates then all bets are off.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Secretly Pretentious said:


> That's respectable. Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship primarily for the sex. However, I can't help but feel sad for your boyfriend because he's hungry for affection that you're too guarded to give me. If you want to stay will him, then I think it's fair to compromise and at least try to establish an emotional connection. If you're not willing to make that compromise, maybe it would be best to leave him for somebody who places as much emphasis on the physical aspect as you do.


I know, I'll work on it..


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Hm, I can't imagine being in a relationship just for sex. Sex is awesome, but being able to be held and cuddled with afterwards beats anything. I love that sense of security and affection, especially after a couple rounds of rough sex. You can't get that feeling of importance from a friends with benefits deal usually.


That comes with the sex, it's never just "We're done, now get out."


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

I choose what i chose, but i'll never have someone like that. Not as long as i'm incapable to trust. You gotta be strong enough for that.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Tania I said:


> I choose what i chose, but i'll never have someone like that. Not as long as i'm incapable to trust. You gotta be strong enough for that.


Strong enough for what? I'm incapable to trust too.. That is my biggest issue and I will never be happy because of it, I expect the worse out of everybody.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Brtrev2v said:


> That comes with the sex, it's never just "We're done, now get out."


Haha that's how it was with my friends with benefits situation, but I guess everyone's different.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

No I wouldn't wanna sleep with someone I wasn't emotionally close to.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Brtrev2v said:


> Pretty much.. I stay away from relationships.. And ive only slept with one guy.. But he hates me now because apparently I "used" him for sex.


What a sensitive soul this guy must be, haha.

Stay out of deep attachment/relationships and do your thing until you want, its not uncommon to feel this way for either sex...


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Haha that's how it was with my friends with benefits situation, but I guess everyone's different.


Lol how did that start though? Did it randomly happen one day?


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Elad said:


> What a sensitive soul this guy must be, haha.


Omg, tell me about it. I told him, your the only guy in the world who would turn regular sex with a girl who's only slept with you, because you want "more".

It's ridiculous.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Brtrev2v said:


> Omg, tell me about it. I told him, your the only guy in the world who would turn regular sex with a girl who's only slept with you, because you want "more".
> 
> It's ridiculous.


If he can't handle it, its just on to the next one.. who is hopefully not crazy clingy.

Just keep moving forward with what you're wanting, whether that's regular guilt free sex or not it shouldn't be as big a deal as hes making it.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

Brtrev2v said:


> Do you think it's normal that that is the only part of being in a relationship that I like?


It's not my personal taste, to say the least - but it's not abnormal.

Although I wonder if you're just interested in sex why is it even called a 'relationship' ? Unless you're just talking about a **** buddy or something like that.

Granted, what the hell do I know about human relationships of any sort? Nothing


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

He just emailed me saying he got another girl pregnant, I guess you never find out how much you really care about someone until they tell you something like that and your heart drops to your stomach. My mouth went dry. I guess all I can do is take a few xanaxes to make it through the rest of my shift.
:sigh


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> Yeah I guess so... I feel like people can't be trusted.. So I don't like getting emotionally involved.


The problem with me isn't just trust... it's because I simply don't know how to become emotionally involved with people. It's like I'm an insect or cold-bloodied.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> He just emailed me saying he got another girl pregnant, I guess you never find out how much you really care about someone until they tell you something like that and your heart drops to your stomach. My mouth went dry. I guess all I can do is take a few xanaxes to make it through the rest of my shift.
> :sigh


Maybe he just lied to see what kind of reaction he could get out of you to see if there is anything there inside of you for him.... I've stooped to that level I have to admit. Desperation calls for desperate measures.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

jimity said:


> Maybe he just lied to see what kind of reaction he could get out of you to see if there is anything there inside of you for him.... I've stooped to that level I have to admit.


Hmm.. That gives me something to think about. 
This is what I replied.

"I need some time to think. Please let me know what the outcome is, and if she plans to keep it. I don't want to hear from you until you're sure. * I don't think I can handle anymore devastation, although I appreciate you having the balls to tell me.*"

How would you take that?


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Brtrev2v said:


> Hmm.. That gives me something to think about.
> This is what I replied.
> 
> "I need some time to think. Please let me know what the outcome is, and if she plans to keep it. I don't want to hear from you until you're sure. * I don't think I can handle anymore devastation, although I appreciate you having the balls to tell me.*"
> ...


If I was feeling really desperate and lonely the word devestation would stand out and I'd be glad to know I can cause some sort of pain in a girl since to me I would think that means she has some sort of feelings for me. But since that guy hates you maybe it's just a way to make you feel the way you did when you got the news.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

jimity said:


> If I was feeling really desperate and lonely the word devestation would stand out and I'd be glad to know I can cause some sort of pain in a girl since to me I would think that means she has some sort of feelings for me. But since that guy hates you maybe it's just a way to make you feel the way you did when you got the news.


The thing is, we spent Tuesday night together. And we were on good terms..
I guess it's just karma biting me in the ***.


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

Brtrev2v said:


> Strong enough for what? I'm incapable to trust too.. That is my biggest issue and I will never be happy because of it, I expect the worse out of everybody.


To not be easily influenced by someone else's actions.
To have confidence in yourself.
To have a successful coping mechanism by yourself when you're feeling hurt.
Things i can't do in my current state.

Cause if you're strong enough for all that, i believe to trust or not won't affect you so badly.

You'll have these attitude instead:
"Meh, so you're that kind of person, i just realize that. (brush off dust)" --> and walk away.
"Damn, so you've betrayed me for a year since our third year, huh? Well, i won't accept that, i'll move on." --> and you do without weeping.
"You think i'll say 'You too.. Brutus..?' No thanks, i won't die like Caesar when you stabbed me from behind." --> and not suicidal.
etc.


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## Brtrev2v (Sep 17, 2012)

Tania I said:


> To not be easily influenced by someone else's actions.
> To have confidence in yourself.
> To have a successful coping mechanism by yourself when you're feeling hurt.
> Things i can't do in my current state.
> ...


I don't know you.. But I've seen some of your other posts. You seem like an amazing person. I've realized early on.. That stuff happens... People do selfish things.. That day it'll seem like the worst thing ever, but when time passes you'll forget they even existed. It's just having to train yourself to think that on the first day, and save yourself all that agony. I have trust issues.. And once I put my guard down, they show me why I shouldn't have. Not caring is the easy part. Or pretending like you don't.. As sad as it is, once you stop caring or showing that you do, they'll start to.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Brtrev2v said:


> He just emailed me saying he got another girl pregnant, I guess you never find out how much you really care about someone until they tell you something like that and your heart drops to your stomach. My mouth went dry. I guess all I can do is take a few xanaxes to make it through the rest of my shift.
> :sigh


I think your reaction shows that it wasn't just all about sex after all.. maybe you were just reacting to how overbearing and clingy he was getting.


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