# How to get a life?



## stratosphere (Mar 12, 2011)

I'm not sure if this is the right thread, but here goes.

What are some good ways for shy people to make new friends or meet new people? Cliche question, I know...but I really need help.

I am running against a brick wall. I work 9-5 at an office, and it seems like I only socialize with my coworkers. Well that is getting old and office mini dramas are starting to ensue. I need to meet new people.

I go to the gym 4 nights a week but I don't really talk to anyone. They all seem to do their own "thing" without really striking up conversation. I also really stink at making small talk.

Basically, the only way I make friends is if I'm forced to talk to someone (i.e. a party, work, school, etc.). I signed up to take a class at a local jr. college, but I'm worried that no one will be close to my own age. I'm also worried that I just won't like it. Plus, most classes I'm actually interested are either are very far away, or cost hundreds of dollars or they run during the day when I'm at work.

I thought about getting a part time job, but I'm too shy to work with customers face-to-face. It's hard enough for me to talk on the phone at my actual job.

I also tried that website 'meetup.com'. Most of the groups barely have any members and the actual meetups are frequently cancelled. I've only gone to one meetup where I met a bunch of strangers and then felt like they all went their separate ways. I didn't click with any of them. These groups just don't have any staying power.

Everyone says it's easy to meet people, but this just isn't true. I am not really keen on sports, and I am not really a "people-person" either. This means I wouldn't feel comfortable volunteering for an organization that requires you to talk to or coach people. I'm also not very outdoorsy, so I wouldn't like doing volunteer projects outside. It's just the way I am and I don't think I'm going to change much.


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## deadwarrior666 (May 12, 2009)

Sad life, I am going through same thing. By the way your ID Stratosphere has any relation to "stratovarious" by any chance?


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## stratosphere (Mar 12, 2011)

no, are they any good?


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## Mark02 (May 4, 2010)

stratosphere said:


> I also tried that website 'meetup.com'. Most of the groups barely have any members and the actual meetups are frequently cancelled. I've only gone to one meetup where I met a bunch of strangers and then felt like they all went their separate ways. I didn't click with any of them. These groups just don't have any staying power.
> 
> Everyone says it's easy to meet people, but this just isn't true. I am not really keen on sports, and I am not really a "people-person" either. This means I wouldn't feel comfortable volunteering for an organization that requires you to talk to or coach people. I'm also not very outdoorsy, so I wouldn't like doing volunteer projects outside. It's just the way I am and I don't think I'm going to change much.


OP, Just addressing these points:

1. would you be willing to try more meetup groups? and 
2. would you be willing to learn/try new things? For example, even though you're not keen on sports, could you give something small and fairly easy, maybe like table tennis or something, a chance? Maybe you'd be more willing to give board games a chance?

Totally understandable about your discomfort talking/coaching, but perhaps you could volunteer where all you have to do is serve food, clean up, or help organize things. Lots of businesses need that kind of help, and there are a lot of volunteer opportunities like that.

You say "it's just the way you are." I find that I say that to myself a lot, but I also realize that it's blocking my progress in a very real way. For example, I might be disappointed in one Meetup but that doesn't mean NO meetup will be a good fit. I actually went to a musician's seminar meetup last summer, and the few people I spoke to were great and friendly. The next one I go to might disappoint me, or it may pleasantly surprise me...but either way, the experience of getting out there is invaluable and puts me a little bit closer to my goal.

Basically what I'm trying to say is: you expand your chances for success when you 1) don't limit your options, 2) push your boundaries and 3) be open-minded to learning new things.

Hope this helps!


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

i had some luck with going to activities at my local college in the past. you don't really have to be a student you just look on the bulletin board see an activity and go to it. as long as you look like a student.


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