# "I don't date WITHIN my own race"..WTF??!!



## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

I made a dummy Okcupid account just to lurk & I ran into a couple of profiles that said "I don't date WITHIN my own race". They were all college educated black women in their 20s (which fits my profile except I'm a guy). I've heard about such people before but how shallow can folks be to state that on their profile in 2015 as on some 'No Exceptions' type of BS. 

-"Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?"-The same black chicks who state "I don't date WITHIN my own race"


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

Well it's kinda the same for the white race here where I live. A lot of the white women here prefer black men over white. It's not to say that there aren't same-race couples here, but there does seem to be a lot more interracial couples than where I used to live back in Florida (which isn't bad). In fact, the last women I dated was black and did not like black men, so I dunno what's up. Probably some kind of biodiversity thing in our instincts and possibly culture and social implications or whatevz.

Now I can understand if it's just for sex. Honestly stating what you're into is a good way to narrow down the search, but for relationships that seems kinda lame... but sex is a part of it so might as well get the physical wants/don'ts outta the way... kinda 50/50 for me. Granted for me I like black and latino women over white chicks, but I wouldn't pass up a relationship of awesome just because of skin color.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

OP, I'm one of those people. Let me explain why.

When you live in a place where most people of each race fit a stereotype, it's often easier to just exclude them all than to have to look at each person individually. I'm sure that if I move out of small town Virginia, I'll find "Asian" women who aren't ultra-feminine shy straight edges. Until then, it's White women only for me.

Another reason is, we may have grown up around White people and therefore associate people of our own race as brothers and sisters. Not sexy.

Both kind of stupid reasons, but that's the psychology behind it. It's called internalized White privilege.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

TBH I don't date WITHIN my own race. It's like going out with my younger sister..... Feels very incestuous.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

I approve of their decision.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

vicente said:


> When you live in a place where most people of each race fit a stereotype, it's often easier to just exclude them all than to have to look at each person individually.


I live in Southern California where you have all kinds of black folks.


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## zoslow (Jun 2, 2014)

Yeah it is stupid.

Still it's up to everyone to do what they want but what bothers me is that when people say what you quote OP it's fine. That means they are 'multi cultural' and 'openminded'. But when people say they only date within their own race or that they don't want to date a certain kind of race (one that differs from their own) then they will instantly be suspected of being racists.

That dating within your own race would invoke any sort of incestuous feelings is just BS. If it does then there is a problem with your own perception of incest and not because it would be in your genetics.


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## Ladysoul (Jan 24, 2014)

Haha i havent dated my own race, n i probably wouldn't go there. but i wouldn't clearly state such a racist type of headline. Why are you letting it bother you so much .. Look at the possibilities this could indeed be a troll account. Or someone thats had bad experiences with 'black men" per se


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

> "Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?"-The same black chicks who state "I don't date WITHIN my own race"


Sounds like your answer right there. They don't think there are any good black men left, they probably see most of the black men around them as fitting some sort of thug or other stereotype and do not want to be involved in that.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I knew a white girl once who refused to date anyone who wasn't black.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Preference, fetish and/or stereotypes.


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## Doobage (Dec 20, 2014)

Let's not pretend that it isn't the same among men. There are an overwhelming amount of black men who will date any woman who isn't black and are quite open about it. At the end of the day, no one is obligated to date you. If someone isn't attracted to those who fit your description, move on and find someone who's actually interested. We're all free to make our own choices, and there's no point in trying to control what other people like.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

It's just stupid people generalizing. All their past relationships failed and they were all black men so they come to the idiotic conclusion that the problem was race. But lots of people have had a string of bad relationships. They don't blame race for their relationship problems.

A lot of these women chase guys based on looks and confidence then complain that all their relationships fail. 

Have you also noticed that lots of women are rude in their dating profiles?

* If you are less than 6'1 please don't message me. You will be ignored


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

It's because of something called ''preference,'' and not ''shallow.''


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

My mom is asian and refuses to date asian guys. She says she doesn't like guys she can beat up and wants men. Basically in her eyes, only whites are worthy of being called men. She laughs at the idea of me ever getting a girlfriend, because I'm a scrawny asian boy.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Nothing you can do about their preference except for meet black women who will date black men.


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## ByStorm (Oct 22, 2013)

Who cares; They're not the type of people to date anyways if they're that generalizing.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I knew a white girl once who refused to date anyone who wasn't black.


My sister only dates black guys, she says she's never been attracted to any other race especially white guys.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Have you also noticed that lots of women are rude in their dating profiles?
> 
> * If you are less than 6'1 please don't message me. You will be ignored


Totally. I've read some studies and I think overall people who are approached (generally women in the dating market) psychologically tend to overestimate their value in a market while those do who the initiating (generally men) tend to underestimate their value. That could be resulting in women displaying more arrogance in their dating profiles.

There is evidence that the increased selectiveness of women is due to social norms rather than any biological differences between the genders.



Imbored21 said:


> My mom is asian and refuses to date asian guys. She says she doesn't like guys she can beat up and wants men. Basically in her eyes, only whites are worthy of being called men. She laughs at the idea of me ever getting a girlfriend, because I'm a scrawny asian boy.


All too common. When I read the title of this thread my first impulse is that it was an asian woman posting that in her dating profile.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

absreim said:


> social norms rather than any biological differences between the genders.


Yes, they observed this in speed dating when they made the women rotate from man to man rather than the other way around. The women tried harder, and the men gave less of a sh** and got more fickle.

I know a woman who will swipe left (or "pass") on Tinder if the guy has no pictures of a dog. If you're a "hot" guy like me who gets 6 Tinder matches in four months, you can't afford to be that shallow.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Imbored21 said:


> My mom is asian and refuses to date asian guys. She says she doesn't like guys she can beat up and wants men. Basically in her eyes, only whites are worthy of being called men. She laughs at the idea of me ever getting a girlfriend, because I'm a scrawny asian boy.


That would explain your complex.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

I'm just a lost soul looking for another soul... **** genetics I could care less,,

I can't believe how shallow the human race is and how ****ed up they are to see it as relevant.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

absreim said:


> Totally. I've read some studies and I think overall people who are approached (generally women in the dating market) psychologically tend to overestimate their value in a market while those do who the initiating (generally men) tend to underestimate their value. That could be resulting in women displaying more arrogance in their dating profiles.
> 
> There is evidence that the increased selectiveness of women is due to social norms rather than any biological differences between the genders.


Women in nyc get approached a lot and as a result far overestimate their value. Most of the guys who approach them are bums who just want sex. Years later these same women are older and still single.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Women in nyc get approached a lot and as a result far overestimate their value. Most of the guys who approach them are bums who just want sex. Years later these same women are older and still single.


Heh I believe that. I also think the whole notion of their being more single women than single men in NYC is overstated. According to the census there are indeed more single women, but only if you account for people in their 50s and 60s. Even in NYC, up until around age 40 there are more single men than women, yet I hear girls in NYC in their 20s blaming their being single on the supposedly lopsided gender ratio in NYC.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I'm really not seeing the problem. This is no different than any other preference. I mean, once, I asked a black girl out and she kind of beat around the bush about it for a while and finally said she doesn't date white guys. Didn't bother me. Well, I mean, I was a little bothered because I wanted to go out with her but I understood it was her preference.


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## StaceyLaine14 (Apr 11, 2015)

M0rbid said:


> TBH I don't date WITHIN my own race. It's like going out with my younger sister..... Feels very incestuous.


You have no idea how relieved I am to see that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I was raised in a white community. The only people I know who are my race are family. I just can't see men of my race without comparing them to family members. It's weird. Makes sexual relationships pretty much impossible.

Really long. Just skim it:

But that's not all that's at work. I don't agree with those who say it's just preference and shouldn't be analyzed further. Race has a very deep, complex history in this nation. To say it's irrelevant isn't realistic. It's nice to imagine we live in a post-racism society where everyone just has their preferences and they should just be accepted without being questioned, but that's not based in reality. Claiming to not be attracted to anyone of a certain race is a result of internalized racism. That's not a term I use liberally. But that's seriously how I see it. Different personality traits, physical traits, abilities all are associated with certain races and the judgement of those traits (positive or negative) varies directly with whichever race they're associated with. Such beliefs are cultural and while stereotypes may even be grounded in truth, they don't apply to everyone in a certain race. I find even generally claiming a common phenotypic characteristic of a certain race unattractive is problematic because such preferences are simply not natural. Our culture has some qualitative judgement about the curves of a black woman, the hair of a white woman, the height of an Asian woman and racial preferences--regardless of whether they're positive or negative--are informed by those generalizations. It's not a natural preference, and it should be scrutinized.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

StaceyLaine14 said:


> You have no idea how relieved I am to see that I'm not the only one that feels this way.
> 
> I was raised in a white community. The only people I know who are my race are family. I just can't see men of my race without comparing them to family members. It's weird. Makes sexual relationships pretty much impossible.


That makes three of us.



StaceyLaine14 said:


> Really long. Just skim it:
> 
> But that's not all that's at work. I don't agree with those who say it's just preference and shouldn't be analyzed further. Race has a very deep, complex history in this nation. To say it's irrelevant isn't realistic. It's nice to imagine we live in a post-racism society where everyone just has their preferences and they should just be accepted without being questioned, but that's not based in reality. Claiming to not be attracted to anyone of a certain race is a result of internalized racism. That's not a term I use liberally. But that's seriously how I see it. Different personality traits, physical traits, abilities all are associated with certain races and the judgement of those traits (positive or negative) varies directly with whichever race they're associated with. Such beliefs are cultural and while stereotypes may even be grounded in truth, they don't apply to everyone in a certain race. I find even generally claiming a common phenotypic characteristic of a certain race unattractive is problematic because such preferences are simply not natural. Our culture has some qualitative judgement about the curves of a black woman, the hair of a white woman, the height of an Asian woman and racial preferences--regardless of whether they're positive or negative--are informed by those generalizations. It's not a natural preference, and it should be scrutinized.


Agree 100%. What we three are experiencing is internalized white privilege, not necessarily internalized racism. We see White people as normal regular people, while we see non-White people, including those of our own race, as exotic and different, and therefore not the most attractive unless we're into that kind of thing.

This is true for a lot of White people, and a lot of them claim that this is genetic. "Oh, we're hard-wired to find people who look similar to us attractive". Bullsh**. If these White people grew up in the middle of Africa or Asia, and didn't watch Hollywood movies and American TV, they wouldn't find White people attractive. It would be like what we experience, but the reverse.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

@StaceyLaine14 Everytime someone uses the word 'problematic' I feel more and more like I'm living in Orwell's 1985.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I think it's more about generalized physical features about each race that people tend to assume and label as something they would or wouldn't find attractive.


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## EvonneEzell (Jul 14, 2014)

To be honest, I've, felt that black men liked the exotic, mixed, Spanish, or white girls over black women. Some of them will openly applaud and praise them For their unique beauty and ignore us...


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Lol one time in school, this girl came up behind me and got my attention by touching my shoulder and saying: "Hey sexy how's it go--oh, you're Asian, nevermind!"



Ouch. So because the sun was in my eyes, I'm only appealing to look at if yeh don't see my face and assume I'm white? Good grief.


Preferences are fine, no need to be a "see you en tea" about it!


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> @*StaceyLaine14* Everytime someone uses the word 'problematic' I feel more and more like I'm living in Orwell's 1985.


 :lol

Not only that, I feel like there must be automatic problem dispensers somewhere that I don't know about.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

MildSA said:


> I made a dummy Okcupid account just to lurk & I ran into a couple of profiles that said "I don't date WITHIN my own race". They were all college educated black women in their 20s (which fits my profile except I'm a guy). I've heard about such people before but how shallow can folks be to state that on their profile in 2015 as on some 'No Exceptions' type of BS.
> 
> -"Where Have All the Good Black Men Gone?"-The same black chicks who state "I don't date WITHIN my own race"


Well, maybe it has to be with some interracial fetish and that's it.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

It's ok to have preferences. She might be limiting herself, but that's her problem. At least she wont be wasting anyone's time.


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## killahwail (Apr 16, 2015)

probably offline said:


> It's ok to have preferences. She might be limiting herself, but that's her problem. At least she wont be wasting anyone's time.


No problem with having preferences, but it's quite foolish of an 'educated' person to state it so bluntly. It hurts people, and makes one look a fool. I personally like it when they write it out or state it verbally, so I know what kind of individual they are. Not that they are trying to save time or are intentionally being mean. Just that they don't watch their tracks, and inevitably, such individuals create extra unnecessary problems. Why make unnecessary enemies? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

THHHHAAAANNNNK THE LAWD I don't have preference for a certain race. I mean, there are limits and social pressures I would avoid (e.g 1000 pound woman on a scooter with really bad uncontrollable odor), but you know what I mean. But I do wish I had the STRENGTH even then to date such a person if they were really nice. I obv do get attracted to'knockouts' and elegant women first, but I fight it (my lower self  ) so I don't fall head over heels for a body, but rather seek the right soul. My range is much wider than most (NOW), not so much when I was younger. But that;s immaturity for ya. If I am captivated by an angel with flaws, I would be ok with them. I have tried to give ladies that weren;t a 'knockout' a chance, but they always were intimidated and had self-esteem issues. But the point is I did give them a chance.

I send my love and respect to all those in the struggle.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> @StaceyLaine14 Everytime someone uses the word 'problematic' I feel more and more like I'm living in Orwell's 1985.


Was there an awesome sequel i missed out on?

About the white privilege crap and whatever else. You're over thinking it. Normal people don't give a ****.


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## StaceyLaine14 (Apr 11, 2015)

Bored Alien said:


> About the white privilege crap and whatever else. You're over thinking it. Normal people don't give a ****.


Considering the amount of effort it takes to find white men interested in dating black women, I have to disagree. I'd say I'm decently attractive, but to be attractive to white men as a black woman, decent doesn't cut it, and I genuinely feel that I have to compensate for my race. But I also live in Texas, so there's that.

But if you google "would you date a black woman," the responses basically boil down to: 1) If she looked like Megan Good, Beyoncé, or Rihanna. 2) Some comment about black women being loud, ignorant and abrasive. 3) A simple no. 
I may be over thinking it, but considering that the vast majority of black women don't look like the above women, with their straight hair, small noses, hazel eyes, and light skin (take that as you wish), I'm thinking that says something about black features being deemed generally unattractive in our culture. And about the black personality stereotype, need I really explain why judging individuals based on stereotypes is wrong?
All that being said, I'd conclude that normal people do care. They just don't realize that the additional criteria they force black women to meet proves that they do. You may genuinely not care. But I wouldn't say that applies to most people.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

While I'd say it's probably likely western society doesn't in general find typically black features as attractive as that of other ethnicities but there's lots of things that are not considered attractive do we have to try to get everyone to be attracted to everything? 

About personality, sorry but stereotypes do come from somewhere. Yeah, it's ignorant to judge people based on them, but when people think generally to what they think they're attracted to and like in people bad stereotypes are gonna color your opinion.


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## WhiteKitty (Jun 4, 2014)

I won't say I know anything of her reasons or any experiences of black woman, but I did read a blog of a Chinese girl who was like this---she only wanted white men. There is that romantic ideal of white guys, plus the assumption they are all rich or something, manly or whatever, they all find some kind of idea.
One thing I do recall though: she wanted to escape her culture and the negative impacts it has on how she is treated by people. The way some family treat kids is so extreme, and the expectations can be absurd(suicide 'hot spots' should make a point)---also how some asian woman(I cannot speak for all, I am not from Asia) are considered monsters (they abuse daughter-in-laws and treat them like trash. find only faults, tell them they are no good for their sons)-why WOULD you wanna be abused?) At first she sounded all snobby, but did have a few points---though still a bit rude nonetheless---I think she put down the asian guys for pretty lame reasons.I am just trying to figure some legit abuse reasons why a girl would run from her culture----things like arranged marriages too, if you were scared of that would be one.
For example, being associated with poor behaviour of folks that do a bad job telling the world about their kin.

In my case: I also try to escape my culture, for very obvious reasons: I got bullied, I never cared about the north american culture that happily throws away morals and values that almost made me feel alien in nature-I started to question who and what I was, and why I was even born here. Once I started watching older traditional Asian cultured things, I felt like I could relate to it and the values in quietness (also, I find Asian men more appealing, but I still had small crushes of various backgrounds growing up). I feel as if I moved to Scandinavia, I'd be at "home"---where what I am to a core would be appreciated, not abused and beaten out of me.


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## flamestwind (Oct 18, 2014)

I had a white girl losing interest in me because I wasn't Haitian enough to her liking. She spoke creole, listen to various Haitian music while the only Haitian thing I do is eating my mom's food. 

I'll never say I won't date anyone from my race, but in general my preference has very, very, very rarely been from my race. Why? I don't know, I just rarely feel anything when I see most of them. It's always been like that. 

Saying my race is odd since I'm multi racial


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I'm really not seeing the problem. This is no different than any other preference. I mean, once, I asked a black girl out and she kind of beat around the bush about it for a while and finally said she doesn't date white guys. Didn't bother me. Well, I mean, I was a little bothered because I wanted to go out with her but I understood it was her preference.


Interracial relationships have baggages (mostly societal) attached to them so you are comparing apples to oranges.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

MildSA said:


> Interracial relationships have baggages (mostly societal) attached to them so you are comparing apples to oranges.


 All relationships have baggage. And the point stands. If someone has a preference (and it isn't you) you can't force them to change. Just move on.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> All relationships have baggage. And the point stands. If someone has a preference (and it isn't you) you can't force them to change. Just move on.


I'm not taking their preference personal whatsoever I just found it to be universally mind boggling. No need for me to move on b/c I was never invested in them from the start.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

I find there's a similar dynamic for a lot of Latina women.

Since I'm in the Bay Area, a lot of them are more educated and are seeking white guys. I wouldn't doubt that it's some kind of whitewash mentality. 

I've interacted with a lot of Latinas who look down on Latino guys for simply being Latino, as if said women were trying to leave behind Latino stereotypes (but also disowning their heritage in a way) by pursuing only white guys.

It's so warped, like there's no balance between being educated and wanting to pursue a better life, but still holding onto your ethnic background.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Jammer25 said:


> I find there's a similar dynamic for a lot of Latina women.
> 
> Since I'm in the Bay Area, a lot of them are more educated and are seeking white guys. I wouldn't doubt that it's some kind of whitewash mentality.
> 
> ...


I think it's a general, educated people look down on uneducated people because mostly, being educated tends towards a certain mindset and is a culture all it's own. That said some insecurity or shame about your own ethnicity might lead to wanting to avoid being with your own ethnicity.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

Bored Alien said:


> I think it's a general, educated people look down on uneducated people because mostly, being educated tends towards a certain mindset and is a culture all it's own. That said some insecurity or shame about your own ethnicity might lead to wanting to avoid being with your own ethnicity.


True, but there are weird perspectives among Latinas across the spectrum. In my area, anyway.

A seeming majority of Latinas, regardless of education, either want a white guy or a stereotypical Latino guy with a cholo lifestyle. There's virtually no middle ground with Latina women toward Latinos who are educated but not necessarily whitewashed.

It's almost like there's an identity crisis for Latino guys who fall into that group when it comes to dating. I've experienced that myself.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Jammer25 said:


> I find there's a similar dynamic for a lot of Latina women.
> 
> Since I'm in the Bay Area, a lot of them are more educated and are seeking white guys. I wouldn't doubt that it's some kind of whitewash mentality.
> 
> ...


SoCal Latinas usually date Latinos. It's the Asian chicks that have white fever.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Jammer25 said:


> True, but there are weird perspectives among Latinas across the spectrum. In my area, anyway.
> 
> A seeming majority of Latinas, regardless of education, either want a white guy or a stereotypical Latino guy with a cholo lifestyle. There's virtually no middle ground with Latina women toward Latinos who are educated but not necessarily whitewashed.
> 
> It's almost like there's an identity crisis for Latino guys who fall into that group when it comes to dating. I've experienced that myself.


That seems to be the way with basically any ethnicity. I remember being really annoyed years ago this incredibly smart Puerto rican girl i knew was friends with all thug type Latino guys. This was way back in high school though so i can kinda understand now my school was mostly white and i guess she felt out of place or something being around whites.

it's like i said before, the education seems a huge factor because even white people there's similar things, a fight between the culture you grew up with and the kind of mindset education provides.


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