# why do looks matter so much?



## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

The way we look is because of our DNA and our parents. it shouldn't be something that is a factor. i think it'd be a good idea if everyone had to wear paper bags over their heads so that the only thing that matters is your personality.


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

I'm guessing that when you look at guys, you're _absolutely indifferent_ to what they look like, then?


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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

Vincenzo Coccotti said:


> I'm guessing that when you look at guys, you're _absolutely indifferent_ to what they look like, then?


not at all. i notice how a guy looks and i'm definitely more interested in the cuter guys, i won't lie about that but that's the whole point. a lot of the less cute guys have such a great personality and so much to offer but most girls won't ever get to find out about it cause he's not that cute.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Oh come on ktgurl.

We are human beings, but we are still animals. You are hard-wired to look for a mate with certain characteristics. 

Look at it this way. Everyone wants the best for their children. Maybe not conciously, but when you look at a guy you are thinking about what kind of babies he will produce.

Thats why people who are deformed (or have Down's syndrome, etc) are usually not considered to be that attractive.

The biological reason for choosing a mate is procreation, and like I said, everyone wants the best for their children. That leads to being choosy.

Of course some people can want other stuff for their child than just a good physical condition. Some girls go for looks, etc, some go for a certain non-physical trait (intelligence, etc) and some go for guys who they know can financially support their baby.


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

I know personality is far more important than looks. If someone who i thought was attractive was turned out to be a jerk or something, they would lose their appeal right away, good looking or not. I guess it just means something different to everyone, we all don't have the exact same perspective on things which makes everybody attractive to someone, if that makes sense. And i know i can relate to you about the fact that girl's have it tougher than guys on the looks issue, we have to worry about our appearance more because of societal standards, we can't be as 'carefree' as the men can, so taking extra care of our looks can be a real burden and woman are placed in more higher standards regarding our physical appearance than men...And looks also matter because it sort of correlated with a person's overall well-being/health pretty much.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

It's all due to biology. "Looks" are an indication of the quality of DNA of the specimen in question.


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## ktglitzygirl (Apr 18, 2006)

> The way we look is because of our DNA and our parents. it shouldn't be something that is a factor.


thats the whole reason it IS a factor. like RX2000 said..


> The biological reason for choosing a mate is procreation, and like I said, everyone wants the best for their children. That leads to being choosy.


humans are always going to be more attracted to beautiful people because it is obvious they have good genes. all animals choose the healthiest, most "attractive" mate.

maybe people with great personalities would be better lifelong companions though.
if someone is considered to be less than beautiful in society's view, but they are a caring, responsible, productive person with other good qualities...i think that is definitely just as important, or even more important. because they would raise their kids to be good people too. 
im not saying beautiful people dont have good qualities, EVERYone has some good qualities. i just mean personaility is absolutely important.

lol im not making much of a point here!!
...


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## heckyll (Mar 27, 2006)

It is not PURELY due to DNA. How one takes care of him/herself also plays an important role.

The quality of physical activity and nutrition in one's life has a profound (usually understated) impacts on many of the "appearance" that go far beyond just being "fit" - also things like skin complexion and many other little things that collectively promote a healthful, attractive appearance.

In no way am I saying that looks are the decisive factor. However, I shall be blunt: I am not going to be in bed with someone whom I think is grotesque.

For the record, I think looks AND personality are important. They have to BOTH be present. That is not to say that my hypothetical girlfriend should be model material at all, but if there isn't a physical attraction on some meaningful level, it just won't work.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

If it wasn't for looks, I'd be asexual. As someone with severe SA who avoids 99% of the human population, there would be no incentive to attempt to form a relationship on personality alone.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

:agree


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

also toss in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" i mean we all have seen some "not so perfect" people hooking up.

I just gotta find some girl who thinks my tall skinny body is good looking. :\


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Melusine said:


> I know personality is far more important than looks.


I don't think it's _more_ important then looks, but i do agree personality plays a huge role with women.

Sadly, most women lie about what type of personality they look in men...


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## Anti-Charisma (Nov 17, 2004)

Ktgurl said:


> i think it'd be a good idea if everyone had to wear paper bags over their heads so that the only thing that matters is your personality.


...and whether or not she has a killer rack.

:b


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

I hate that looks matter at all. I'll admit that looks do matter a tiny, tiny bit for me, but I have very low standards in terms of looks. I have very high standards for personality. I believe that it's who you are on the inside that makes you attractive on the outside.


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## pumpkin81 (Apr 2, 2006)

smalltowngirl said:


> I hate that looks matter at all. I'll admit that looks do matter a tiny, tiny bit for me, but I have very low standards in terms of looks. I have very high standards for personality. I believe that it's who you are on the inside that makes you attractive on the outside.


:agree


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

:agree


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I think people sometimes lie to themselves about how much looks don't matter. They say it's what is inside is what matters. I like to think that way myself, but if the woman with the greatest heart and personality that's perfect for me happens to be an 85 year old toothless women who lives in a small cabin in the sticks, well sorry.

What people normally mean is looks don't matter as long as it is within a range of what I deem approporiate for myself. So if a person was at the far edge of one's acceptable unattractive/age/health range, we may still go out with that person and feel good about ourselves that looks/age/health didn't matter. But any farther outside that range, we don't even acknowledge them as potential mates, so we don't feel the need to even include them in our range or feel bad about not giving them a chance.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Johnny_Genome said:


> I think people sometimes lie to themselves about how much looks don't matter. They say it's what is inside is what matters. I like to think that way myself, but if the woman with the greatest heart and personality that's perfect for me happens to be an 85 year old toothless women who lives in a small cabin in the sticks, well sorry.
> 
> What people normally mean is looks don't matter as long as it is within a range of what I deem approporiate for myself. So if a person was at the far edge of one's acceptable unattractive/age/health range, we may still go out with that person and feel good about ourselves that looks/age/health didn't matter. But any farther outside that range, we don't even acknowledge them as potential mates, so we don't feel the need to even include them in our range or feel bad about not giving them a chance.


Yea thats pretty much the way I look at it Johnny.

There has to be at least SOME physical attraction for the relationship to work out, I think. However, of course we know that everyone has their different opinion about what is sexy for them. Just because a guy is dog ugly to most girls doesnt mean that there isnt ANY girl out there that would think he was attractive.

Like I said, I really think there is someone out there for everybody. Finding them is the hard part.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Anti-Charisma said:


> Ktgurl said:
> 
> 
> > i think it'd be a good idea if everyone had to wear paper bags over their heads so that the only thing that matters is your personality.
> ...


 :lol Funny!

Lifetimer


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## microbe (Apr 3, 2006)

attractiveness/sex appeal is just one of those biological "tricks" our mind performs to keep our species procreating
do i hate it? yeh
can i deny looks don't matter to me? no.


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## Mr_Twig (Apr 10, 2006)

RX2000 said:


> Like I said, I really think there is someone out there for everybody. Finding them is the hard part.


Argh...I just don't believe that. I'm sorry. Sometimes ugly is just ugly, period. I don't mean to question your belief, but there is not someone for everyone. There's just no logic for that. If that were so, then no one would be alone. See, everyone (and I'm not attacking you here) seems to believe we live in this magical romantic fairyland with gumdrop trees and peppermint bunnies where everyone finds their one true love who understands him/her right before the credits roll! That's just not true! Some people are just going to wind up _completely alone_! They aren't good enough for anyone. And I'm afraid I'm one of those people, and I don't know if it's good or bad that I was already able to realize it.

Sorry about that. I just get fed up with optimism every now and again. As for peppermint bunnies, I have no clue what those are either.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

Mr_Twig said:


> I don't mean to question your belief, but there is not someone for everyone. There's just no logic for that. If that were so, then no one would be alone.


Like I said, its a matter of FINDING the person. There are what, like 3 billion women in the world? Have you met everyone one of them? No? Then how do you know that one of them isnt right for you?

Just gotta find her.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

The problem is you don't connect with all people so you have to talk to many girls to find the right one but if you don't even talk to one girl that's not going to happen, sadly......


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

RX2000 said:


> Mr_Twig said:
> 
> 
> > I don't mean to question your belief, but there is not someone for everyone. There's just no logic for that. If that were so, then no one would be alone.
> ...


if there really was osmeone out there for everyone, then wouldn't there be an equal number of single men and women....? but there isn't...

it's a nice concept and all but i don't think it's true.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> See, everyone (and I'm not attacking you here) seems to believe we live in this magical romantic fairyland with gumdrop trees and peppermint bunnies where everyone finds their one true love who understands him/her right before the credits roll!


Yeah I know what you mean...I don't know where people get ideas like that. Movies? Pop music? I don't get it.



> I don't mean to question your belief, but there is not someone for everyone. There's just no logic for that.


Ditto on that. Like someone said, there has to be some physical attraction, I think. If no attraction, then it's going to be tough.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

Mr_Twig said:


> Sorry about that. I just get fed up with optimism every now and again.


I'll agree with that statement.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

GTI79 said:


> Mr_Twig said:
> 
> 
> > Sorry about that. I just get fed up with optimism every now and again.
> ...


I felt the same way, except I never was super bitter. I just assumed it would happen one day. And one day it did. If it happened for me it can happen for anybody.

The problem a lot of people run into though is that they think if they just sit in their room all day it will come to them. Thats really unrealistic.

The person is out there, its the finding them thats the hard part.



Zephyr said:


> Ditto on that. Like someone said, there has to be some physical attraction, I think. If no attraction, then it's going to be tough.


How do you know that one of the 3+ billion women on the planet doesnt think you are attractive? You dont. Just from an odds standpoint alone I would say there is SOMEONE.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Even if you're reasonably attractive (I think I can be) you are stilll f'd if you have SA. I see lots of attractive people here. There are girls here that, I dunno... too much for me to handle. I have to just close the browser after seeing their pics. But they have bad anxiety. They are just as bad off as someone who is considered unattractive who is unsuccessful in romance.



> The problem a lot of people run into though is that they think if they just sit in their room all day it will come to them. Thats really unrealistic.
> 
> The person is out there, its the finding them thats the hard part.


I don't sit in my room all day. I actually try, even if it's not that much. I do try to put myself out there. For someone like me there really aren't too many options. When you are expected to present yourself, to be the aggressor, to make the move, it's not easy.

You're right. It's just hard to meet someone. It's hard for a lot of people to meet someone. I kind of see society as cut throat sometimes. This isn't about frustration with women or anything. I don't want to put the blame on anyone. It's just how it is. The reality is that a lot of people here will be lonely forever, whether it's their fault or not.


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## RX2000 (Jan 25, 2004)

BeNice said:


> I don't want to put the blame on anyone. It's just how it is. The reality is that a lot of people here will be lonely forever, whether it's their fault or not.


I totally agree. I dont put any blame on anyone. But that still doesnt change the fact that there has to be someone out there in the world that would love them if they met.


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

BeNice said:


> I kind of see society as cut throat sometimes.


Yeah, I was a lot more generous to it when I had less exposure to it. You start to feel the disdain rising in you when you notice people become complete snakes so soon as money comes up, and I realize much better now than I did five years ago how status-conscious most people are. A bunch of apes, we are.


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## Mr_Twig (Apr 10, 2006)

RX2000 said:


> BeNice said:
> 
> 
> > I don't want to put the blame on anyone. It's just how it is. The reality is that a lot of people here will be lonely forever, whether it's their fault or not.
> ...


Sure, there _could _be. But why? It's just probability-it really doesn't apply to real life. That does not mean I'm not a disgusting, worthless waste of a human being.

There could be life in outer space-but it would be few and far between, and we may never encounter it. This just reinforced my pathetitude-I'm talking about frickin' _aliens_ now. I should be playing football or something that attractive guys do.


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## jerzeyb (Nov 19, 2005)

i have to admit that yes, i am initially attracted to looks...but if a girl has a pretty face and killer body, but zero personality, she can hit the road. she's not worth my time. liking a person and liking their body or face are two completely different things. i once dated a girl whom i found VERY unattractive when we first met. as time went by and i got to know her more, things changed. i started to see her through how she made me feel when we were together, instead of her appearance. eventually my idea of beauty became her. what i once considered unattractive, became something that made me feel great....then i found out she was just a two faced, conniving B****! :lol i guess i can't win either way!


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## ktglitzygirl (Apr 18, 2006)

OF COURSE theres someone out there for you! for everyone. [talking to anyone reading this, btw] i dont mean a "soulmate", but there are plenty of people who would like you, and who you would like [or love], once you get to know them. there is more than one person. there are probably hundreds or maybe even thousands that you -could- have great friendships and/or relationships with. the question is, can you put yourself out there and start taking risks to try to meet them? and once you meet them can you keep trying, keep working at it? it takes time. 
also, do they meet your "standards"? i know a lot of people will say "i would be happy with anyone"...but if you see a girl in the supermarket or at a bar or something who isnt so attractive, and who seems shy herself, would you attempt to talk to her? my guess is no. especially not with SA. i try my hardest NOT to talk to people if i go out somewhere in public. i think even if i did try to talk to them, it would be weird because i would be so nervous. im certain they would pick up on it. they would probably be wondering why this ugly nervous girl is trying to make a conversation with them :lol maybe they would talk to me just because they felt bad. i dont know. sometimes it seems totally hopeless. 
last friday i went on a date with a guy. i met him online, and got to know him for about a year before meeting. i already know what he is like, what his interests are, what we have in common. and i saw him on webcam many many times in that year. i told him about me :hide and how i am crazy and have mental issues and everything and he likes me anyway. another good thing was that we were already close before he saw how ugly i am in person  [well he saw pictures of me and everything..]
having SA, i think that is the easiest way to meet people. online, personality is all that matters. looks dont factor into it until you really plan on meeting. its not for everyone, and of course it would be better and probably less pathetic meeting people in real life and forming relationships...but i know at least i cant do that right now. rejection is a lot easier online too. so anyway that is just a suggestion for people who are having trouble.


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## ktglitzygirl (Apr 18, 2006)

ok so i said...


> can you put yourself out there and start taking risks to try to meet them? and once you meet them can you keep trying, keep working at it? it takes time.


of course you CAN...i guess a better way to put it is, are you ready to?

lol 1/2 hour or more of typing and erasing and i still didnt say it how i wanted to


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