# Here's to being the social outcast at work.



## jesse93

Every day at work is just a new realization that I can't fit in with my coworkers no matter how hard I try, always sitting by myself while all my other coworkers are in their "clique" laughing and enjoying each others company, eating lunch alone, being told I'm "super quiet" all the time, and here I was thinking work would help me become more social, it's sad that I actually enjoy my job, but my coworkers make it miserable for me. Sigh :| 

Oh well, here's to all of the other people out there who have a very terrible time at work because they can't fit in.


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## pbjsamm

I know what you mean. I enjoy the job itself too, but the coworkers make it torturous.


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## AtomHeartBrother

I started a new job awhile ago. Thought maybe I could fit in but nope and then people started laughing at me sooooo. Next job I get will not include people.


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## JamesM2

I just spend all day at my desk trying to avoid any kind of contact, listening to music in an attempt to drown out the inane chatter around me about weekends, what everyone is having for lunch etc. Lunchtimes are a welcome reprieve because the office empties out as co-workers go off joined at the hip in their little cliques to wherever the hell they go to eat and gossip. 

Yesterday afternoon I went to our supposedly compulsory weekly meeting for the first time in a while and was reminded why I stopped bothering going. It never starts on time because everyone is more interested in drinking and socialising with each other while I stand awkwardly on the outer edges pretending to notice something interesting on the wall. Sure enough, five minutes into the start time of the meeting yesterday and everyone was still laughing and joking away while I just stood there by myself, so I walked out and went back to my desk, vowing never to attend another meeting again since they're clearly much more interested in discussing their weekend plans than actual work. 

It's not so much the fact that I don't relate to these people that bothers me; it's having to spend my entire day with these people in a place I just don't belong that does my head in :no


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## Tymes Rhymes

I will never fit in at work. Everyone there is there to make friends and I'm actually there to just do my job.

I personally don't care to make friends with them either. It makes my day much more enjoyable.


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## BlueDay

AtomHeartBrother said:


> I started a new job awhile ago. Thought maybe I could fit in but nope and then people started laughing at me sooooo. Next job I get will not include people.


Let me know what that job IS when you find it!


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## anomnomnom

I know them feels!

Then I occasionally get some sort of pity question because I've been sat in silence for 6hrs..and I **** it up/mumble/don't have a good answer (especially if they ask what I've got planned for the weekend - apparently "**** all" isnt a good answer)


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## blue2

Yeah I try to join in but I'll always be the outcast


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## loserrabit

Another social outcast here. But I don't like my job. So, for me, going to work feel basically as going to hell.

I just sit all day long in front of my computer avoiding contact and pretending I'm actually working. I lunch by myself almost everyday, just in special occasions I go lunch with my co-workers. This special occasions are terrible. Everybody chatting, laughing and having a good time while I stay quiet, looking something in my mobile.


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## Liability

can definitely relate..


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## SA go0n

The thing is the harder I try to fit in, the more of an outcast I become. It's like your drowning in quicksand and your flailing away, and you just sink faster. I've just given up and accepted that I will never be accepted by my peers.


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## greengirl

We all want to just close ourselves in our little space and pretend that we have a lot of important things to do. But I think if we want to advance in life (career/relationships) we have to make small efforts every day. It's ****ing hard, and it's embarrassing and you come out as awkward but with every experience you get better and better. Besides, you can still be independent but in the same time friendly and open to people.


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## Lyssia

I find I feel the opposite. I wish I could be the quiet person at work! 

I crack jokes- probably stupid and inappropriate ones. I sass a bit, and cuss - WHO am I??? I hate myself when I get home; I obsess over every word I said that day and hate myself. Why can't I just Shut The **** Up?


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## AlishaDawn

I can relate. It seems like everyone at my work is friends with each other and they're always talking in the break room or when it's not busy and I'm just there by myself. I might add one or two little comments if they're talking about something I know something about or agree with but I can't make friends or hold a conversation so I just stick to myself and it makes me feel really lonely. Plus I worry about what people think of me so hold back even when I wish I could just jump in there and talk to someone.


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## Chatise19

It hits hard at work when being social would actually make your job much Easier, but you just dont know how to fit in. I played the newbie card way longer than I probably should've and it just made me seem clueless...


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## FelineFatale

It's funny at my new job. My co-workers from my training class all talk to me and we all sit together at lunch, but none of them ever ask me for my phone number or if I had a Facebook account. Yet, they all have exchanged their numbers with each other and post on each other's Facebook pages daily. They discuss it when I'm sitting right there with them.


:get


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## DrPepper31

I don't know why people are such *******s! I mean, why the hell do they complain to someone that they are "too quiet" yet, they don't make an effort to start a damn conversation with them??? No one is ever too quiet.


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## Pluto

Started a new job about 2 months ago, thought id be more social but not really. I still eat alone and try to go to lunch early to avoid meeting everyone there.


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## silverstreak

Tell me about it. Granted, some days are better than others and I can actually talk to some of them. But often, I'm blatantly left out of conversations.


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## FaeSarah

Sounds like my realization every day when I'm at work... Some differences though.. I dont really like my job 100%, I don't hate it either, but well it's somewhere half way..
As for the colleagues there.. Well there is a group, always going for coffee together.. I'm never asked along..They do ask me for lunch, and since I don't like lunching alone, I go along, but end up being the silent one at the table.. From time to time I try to add something to the ongoing conversation, but either the conversation ends up being dead after that, or they act like they didn't hear anything.. So there is me.. Sitting at a table of 9 people chatting and laughing and I'm the one being silent...


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## jesse93

silverstreak said:


> Tell me about it. Granted, some days are better than others and I can actually talk to some of them. But often, I'm blatantly left out of conversations.


Yea this is how it is for my lately, sometimes a couple different coworkers will come and talk to me now and then, and it seems like we have a decent conversation, but then the next day it seems like they intentionally avoid talking to me, I don't really get it. It's annoying to me, it feels like I don't have the ability to make a positive impact in my coworkers lives to actually make them enjoy my company, I feel like they just talk to me out of pity because they see how outcasted I usually am.


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## Tymes Rhymes

Heh. I don't even have conversations with my co-workers. I might get a "hi" every once in awhile but that is it. No conversations with me.

Heck, even the people hired around the same time as me have stopped talking to me.

Everyone one else though is oh so chatty with everyone else and here I am not talking to anyone.

and you know what? I am content with that.

One of my managers though told me that one day, he is going to get me to have a full conversation with him. 

He is trying but I just personally don't see the value in chatting ALL of the time with co-workers.

We are not friends.


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## JamesM2

Tymes Rhymes said:


> Heh. I don't even have conversations with my co-workers. I might get a "hi" every once in awhile but that is it. No conversations with me.
> 
> Heck, even the people hired around the same time as me have stopped talking to me.
> 
> Everyone one else though is oh so chatty with everyone else and here I am not talking to anyone.
> 
> and you know what? I am content with that.
> 
> One of my managers though told me that one day, he is going to get me to have a full conversation with him.
> 
> He is trying but* I just personally don't see the value in chatting ALL of the time with co-workers.
> 
> We are not friends.*


 That's pretty much it right there. I don't see much point into putting a lot of effort into something that is just so fake. These people wouldn't ring me up and talk to me about any of this stuff in their own time. They may as well be saying "oh well, I'd rather be somewhere else spending time with other people, but since I'm stuck here with you I guess I'll just have to talk to you instead".


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## Tymes Rhymes

JamesM2 said:


> That's pretty much it right there. I don't see much point into putting a lot of effort into something that is just so fake. These people wouldn't ring me up and talk to me about any of this stuff in their own time...


SO true. It is a totally fake interaction at work. You don't care about me, you don't care about how I am doing so why ask?

You want to know how you can tell that they don't care? After they ask how you are doing, they ignore you which is what everyone at my job does.

I legitimately only speak if the matter is pertinent to the job and even then I speak using a minimalistic approach and only quickly answer with one or two words.

They will never ring me up or converse with me on Facebook so why waste time on them?


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## Boomaloom

JamesM2 said:


> I just spend all day at my desk trying to avoid any kind of contact, listening to music in an attempt to drown out the inane chatter around me about weekends, what everyone is having for lunch etc. Lunchtimes are a welcome reprieve because the office empties out as co-workers go off joined at the hip in their little cliques to wherever the hell they go to eat and gossip.
> 
> Yesterday afternoon I went to our supposedly compulsory weekly meeting for the first time in a while and was reminded why I stopped bothering going. It never starts on time because everyone is more interested in drinking and socialising with each other while I stand awkwardly on the outer edges pretending to notice something interesting on the wall. Sure enough, five minutes into the start time of the meeting yesterday and everyone was still laughing and joking away while I just stood there by myself, so I walked out and went back to my desk, vowing never to attend another meeting again since they're clearly much more interested in discussing their weekend plans than actual work.
> 
> It's not so much the fact that I don't relate to these people that bothers me; it's having to spend my entire day with these people in a place I just don't belong that does my head in :no


You just wrote my life at work right there!

Had the misfortune to spend afew years in a call center and everyday was pretty much just....like.....this.
Didnt even have the dignity of a cubicle for some personal space. It was a shared pod, 6 people around a table. Everyday was excruciating. Endless chatter about the most inane topics. The only saving grace was the nature of the job meant, EVERY waking hour wasnt spend chattering. You had to spend most of the day on the phone to clients.


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## andy0128

Some workplaces are worse than others. I have tried to make the effort but eventually i end up feeling ignored and disliked.


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## grustag

I'm there as well. I have realized that it's not even an idea to try to fit in. This is sort of a relief since I don't feel anymore that I must talk to them all the time.

Apart from talking job related topics I don't speak that much, usually it can be a few words if there is something I'm interested in. But I'm mostly quiet. Don't think that many people listen to me anyway, so..


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## jesse93

JamesM2 said:


> That's pretty much it right there. I don't see much point into putting a lot of effort into something that is just so fake. These people wouldn't ring me up and talk to me about any of this stuff in their own time. They may as well be saying "oh well, I'd rather be somewhere else spending time with other people, but since I'm stuck here with you I guess I'll just have to talk to you instead".


Well for me it's not about just simply fitting in with my coworkers and being able to talk to them while they're working, I would like to create friendships, and I thought work would be a good place to make some friends, a lot of my coworkers have became friends and they hang out regularly after work and on weekends, and that's what I would like, but sadly I can't even get to the point where I'd be considered a friend with any of my coworkers.

I currently have 0 friends, and I'd like to make some new ones, but eh doesn't look like that's gonna happen for me.


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## Violagirl

This place looked like the perfect place to vent before I have to leave for work in the next half hour. I work as a teacher's aide at a daycare with preschool and pre-kindergarten students. I work with two teachers that are about my same age. One of the teachers started the week before I did and I thought that at the very least, she and I would get along fine since we were both learning the ropes together. Boy, was I wrong. When I was working mornings and afternoons, she never seemed fully happy with how I did things. The latest was not moving fast enough when it came to changing the kids if they had accidents after getting up from nap....

Her and the other teacher have become all buddy buddy and have formed their own little clique. They don't bother even saying hi when I come in for work and treat me like I'm an after-thought. 

What's helped a little bit is that my hours were cut for the rest of the summer to just work afternoons so I go into the classroom when the other teacher leaves, and just get my cleaning done in the bathrooms before she leaves so I have little to no contact with her. It's better with the other teacher in the very least that she isn't as critical with doing things her way so that helps. But otherwise I'm hoping to find another job before my hours to go back to how they were previously so that I don't have to deal with the drama from the other teacher again...


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## Hallowed Ground

Same, plus everyone at my work place smokes so are always together outside in a social smoking circle.
I go out sometimes and try to communicate but honestly my job is tiring, when i get a break i just wanna sit down put my headphones in an listen to some music and drift off into my head for a bit.


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## iminnocentenough

That's the reason I don't have a job because I fear social awkwardness with other people or that they'll think i'm not enjoyable to be around, and fire me, or make me an outcast..


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## aGenericUsername

I know exactly how you feel. I've worked at the same place for almost a year and the people who just started a few weeks ago fit in much better than me. I once overheard a conversation between coworkers (one new and one who started around the time I did). The new girl said she was worried she was not fitting in well and the guy who started when I did said, "Just look at (my name). He's been here forever and no one knows him."

Really sucks because every day feels like my first..


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## FelineFatale

I always start out a new job with high hopes that I'll meet new people and they will try to end my SA and my loneliness, but each time I'm thrown into a training group who I have nothing in common and I'm the odd girl out when they all are going to out together on the weekends and always posting things on their Facebook wall whereas they never ask if I would like to join them or if I even have a Facebook account. I have a very difficult time to connect to anyone these days and it scares the hell out of me.


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## cjstone

I have the same problems as all of you. For some reason I can't figure out, people are not friendly with me even though I will bend over backwards to do good things for them and be nice. Sometimes I feel like if I'm just mean, it would be better.


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## Nonsensical

Don't worry about it, you are there to work not fit in. You work you go home you no worry about work anymore.


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## Violagirl

Things are not getting better with my coworkers at my job. I'm still treated like an after-thought by the two teachers that I work with in my classroom. I feel that they dislike me and that I waste their time, they don't communicate with me on anything unless they need something. They're buddy-buddy with my boss and everyone else that works where we work but haven't made the effort to get to know me as a person. It's totally fine if they don't like me/don't see me as an equal because I'm not a teacher or whatever, but it'd be nice if they included me in when changes take place or filled me on what I could do better. They complained about me to the director last week who talked to me and was going to walk me through some things today when I go in but it would have been nice if they could have just talked to me about their concerns like adults instead of whining about me behind my back. :no :blah Frustrating. I can't wait to give them my two weeks.


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## Zeeshan

Maybe one day I'll start a business and only hire people from this website


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## KimThanh

It was tough in the beginning but three years into my current job, I kinda feel good about being an outcast. People think I'm cool, and all the newbies tend to suck up to me because they think I'm a supervisor or team leader. I have my rebellious metalhead/guitarist teenage phase to thank for this. I've been my performance anxiety at 17. At 21, I overcame my fear of meeting new people by traveling abroad to see bands and talking to my favorite musicians. 

So, the workplace is kind of my playground now. Whenever I spot interesting people passing through the airport checkpoints, I don't hesitate to have a chat with them. Here, "normal" people would never be forward about having weird tastes in music or knowing foreign languages.

Knowing that I'm far more skilled and more interesting as a person than most of my coworkers ups my confidence 200%.


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## jesse93

Nonsensical said:


> Don't worry about it, you are there to work not fit in. You work you go home you no worry about work anymore.


Yea, It's easier to look at it that way.. I would just like to make some friends, that's all It would be nice to feel like I fit in some where.
:/



Violagirl said:


> Things are not getting better with my coworkers at my job. I'm still treated like an after-thought by the two teachers that I work with in my classroom. I feel that they dislike me and that I waste their time, they don't communicate with me on anything unless they need something. They're buddy-buddy with my boss and everyone else that works where we work but haven't made the effort to get to know me as a person. It's totally fine if they don't like me/don't see me as an equal because I'm not a teacher or whatever, but it'd be nice if they included me in when changes take place or filled me on what I could do better. They complained about me to the director last week who talked to me and was going to walk me through some things today when I go in but it would have been nice if they could have just talked to me about their concerns like adults instead of whining about me behind my back. :no :blah Frustrating. I can't wait to give them my two weeks.


Hey, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your coworkers, they sounds pretty rude and I don't blame you for putting in your 2 weeks. You and I seem to have similar jobs, I also work as an teachers aide, but I work at an Elementary school and not a day care. I can understand how frustrating it is when you have to work with another person, and they pretty much pretend you're invisible and don't bother even trying to get to know you. The people I work with like to tell all my other coworkers how quiet I am, and how they forget I'm there sometimes. It seems like your coworkers never gave you a fair chance, and they just right off the bat labeled you as someone they dislike. I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope it gets better for you. I know how hard it can be :|



Zeeshan said:


> Maybe one day I'll start a business and only hire people from this website


I'll take a job whenever that day happens ^.^


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## Violagirl

jesse93 said:


> Hey, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your coworkers, they sounds pretty rude and I don't blame you for putting in your 2 weeks. You and I seem to have similar jobs, I also work as an teachers aide, but I work at an Elementary school and not a day care. I can understand how frustrating it is when you have to work with another person, and they pretty much pretend you're invisible and don't bother even trying to get to know you. The people I work with like to tell all my other coworkers how quiet I am, and how they forget I'm there sometimes. It seems like your coworkers never gave you a fair chance, and they just right off the bat labeled you as someone they dislike. I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope it gets better for you. I know how hard it can be :|


Thank you so much, I appreciate your response. It sounds we are in similar positions then. Sorry to hear your coworkers say that about you, that would frustrate me to no end to overhear conversations that they are having about you. :| I definitely feel like my coworkers from the get-go decided they didn't want much to do with me since I correspond with the kids differently from how they do, like being more soft-spoken and having a less assertive personality. It otherwise is definitely frustrating when a person decides that they don't like you before even trying to get to know you...:no Thanks so much again!


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## thinkstoomuch101

well.. to be honest, i tend to gravitate toward strong loners in the work place as well as personally. They are very uncommon. To encounter one is like an "Elvis Sighting".. rare, and probably my imagination.

Usually, when i see a group of people standing around doing their "clique" thing, it just reminds me of a herd of cows - standing around chewing their cuds. 

Any "cow" that's going back over the details of some juicy gossip, reminds me of the cow when she regurgitates her cud and starts chewing on it again.

It's not pleasant to observe, unless you're a "bull"..(or full of it)..


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## calichick

I was actually one of the more well-liked people at my last job.



I'm not going to lie, it was nice. People calling you up/emailing you/messaging you/coming to see you, wanting to be your friend, inviting you to social outings on the weekend, the boss being very amicable and forgiving towards you.


When you learn to play your cards right at your job, it makes your life a whole lot more enjoyable.

Note: don't rule out a** kissing as a means to achieve that.


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## jesse93

Violagirl said:


> Thank you so much, I appreciate your response. It sounds we are in similar positions then. Sorry to hear your coworkers say that about you, that would frustrate me to no end to overhear conversations that they are having about you. :| I definitely feel like my coworkers from the get-go decided they didn't want much to do with me since I correspond with the kids differently from how they do, like being more soft-spoken and having a less assertive personality. It otherwise is definitely frustrating when a person decides that they don't like you before even trying to get to know you...:no Thanks so much again!


Yea, I'm also very soft spoken when I talk to kids also, I've actually been teased by like every coworker of mine because of how soft spoken I am when talking to the kids. Anyway I wish you the best of luck with your job and hope things start to get better for you at work


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## LetItBurn33

LOL.. you are still concerned with trying?? You havent realized all those people are scum yet? THEY ARE no matter what else youd like to believe.. Just ignore them and realize they are miserable, miserable human beings, do what you can to troll them or f with them without being fired.. Its incredible they havent started beating on you yet.. use this time wisely by first realizing how miserable they are.. alot worse than you even.


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## da1

I've just finished my 4th day at my new job and I'm already routinely falling back into my usual role as the perpetual anti-social office loner. On my first day, the coworker who was handing over the work to me was kind enough to invite me to lunch. On the second day, she was offered again but hinted at the possibility of me getting my own lunch. I went with her again. However, for the past two days I've been getting sandwiches in the morning to bring to work. I ate by myself at my desk for two lunches while the majority went out for lunch. Based on my past experiences, I know I'll never fit in with any groups in the office and I am just having too much SA to even try. I'm so sick of dealing with life in the office. Can't wait for the day to quit and get my myself out of there.


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## LonelyCricket

I've always felt like an outsider, even in school. My workplace feels lonely. I have little interaction with coworkers, and even when I do, I feel self-conscious and anxious. I think my anxiety creates social skills problems so that people either sense it and are turned off by it, or I react to it, which again turns people off. 

I have awareness but no real answer.


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## aGenericUsername

Shy people get no respect in the workplace. You have to be loud and obnoxious and even if you only do 50% of the work you're assigned, everyone will love you.


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## QuitSweatinMe

Totally agree with genericUsername. The people who talk the most gets the most attention and memorability, hence likes. When you're shy, you'll either be forgotten or hated on.


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## SpiderInTheCorner

LetItBurn33 said:


> LOL.. you are still concerned with trying?? You havent realized all those people are scum yet? THEY ARE no matter what else youd like to believe.. Just ignore them and realize they are miserable, miserable human beings, do what you can to troll them or f with them without being fired.. Its incredible they havent started beating on you yet.. use this time wisely by first realizing how miserable they are.. alot worse than you even.


nailed it.


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## bornofbrosiris

Lyssia said:


> I find I feel the opposite. I wish I could be the quiet person at work!
> 
> I crack jokes- probably stupid and inappropriate ones. I sass a bit, and cuss - WHO am I??? I hate myself when I get home; I obsess over every word I said that day and hate myself. Why can't I just Shut The **** Up?


THIS IS ME AT WORK. I'm such a fool. Try to be friendly and fit in and everyone probably thinks I am just a social loser drunk outcast weirdo. Siiiigh


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## bornofbrosiris

QuitSweatinMe said:


> Totally agree with genericUsername. The people who talk the most gets the most attention and memorability, hence likes. When you're shy, you'll either be forgotten or hated on.


Not even close to being true. I started my new job 3 weeks ago ish and I am friendly, try and make conversation, etc. and I am still an outcast at work! It effects extroverts too!


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## serene7

JamesM2 said:


> I just spend all day at my desk trying to avoid any kind of contact, listening to music in an attempt to drown out the inane chatter around me about weekends, what everyone is having for lunch etc. Lunchtimes are a welcome reprieve because the office empties out as co-workers go off joined at the hip in their little cliques to wherever the hell they go to eat and gossip.
> 
> Yesterday afternoon I went to our supposedly compulsory weekly meeting for the first time in a while and was reminded why I stopped bothering going. It never starts on time because everyone is more interested in drinking and socialising with each other while I stand awkwardly on the outer edges pretending to notice something interesting on the wall. Sure enough, five minutes into the start time of the meeting yesterday and everyone was still laughing and joking away while I just stood there by myself, so I walked out and went back to my desk, vowing never to attend another meeting again since they're clearly much more interested in discussing their weekend plans than actual work.
> 
> It's not so much the fact that I don't relate to these people that bothers me; it's having to spend my entire day with these people in a place I just don't belong that does my head in :no


You've just described me at every job I had. A lot of times I quit because of it, thinking it's my colleagues fault somehow... But after the same happening again and again, I know it me. 
I kind of know the solution - try to approach people first, talk to them, smile, try to make friends, the obvious things, but when it comes to actually doing it, I just can't


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## JamesM2

serene7 said:


> You've just described me at every job I had. A lot of times I quit because of it, thinking it's my colleagues fault somehow... But after the same happening again and again, I know it me.
> I kind of know the solution - try to approach people first, talk to them, smile, try to make friends, the obvious things, but when it comes to actually doing it, I just can't


 Yeah, I can't do that either. The only time I can say something to someone is if they approach me first. Even when I do find someone who I can get on with and who makes an effort with me, I inevitably end up stuffing it up thanks to my depression/anxiety issues. I used to get on really well with the guy I sit next to - now we don't talk at all. It eats me up. Thankfully I'm leaving that job next month, but no doubt similar issues will arise wherever I end up next, because the problem is with me. I just don't know how to be around other people.


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## pete24

I had that at my old job. Stayed there for over 7 years and although it was a bit different, the outcome was the same.

The manager was a b1tch to anyone who wasn't female and around her age (40's). Basically because she had nothing is common with anyone else so couldn't become friends with them. Anyone not in that criteria was given crappy tasks to do each day until they quit.

Alas the workplace was gradually being replaced with friends of the manager who grouped together. Through that job I had both managerial and supervisor experience on days when she was off, however was not given it as my official job role because the managers friends who had been there 2 weeks and no experience always got those job titles.

In the end I left because 99% of the staff were the managers friends who grouped together and I was the outcast


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## BlueDay

aGenericUsername said:


> Shy people get no respect in the workplace. You have to be loud and obnoxious and even if you only do 50% of the work you're assigned, everyone will love you.


Wow, that is SO true! There was a woman on my last job who was sarcastic with customers and had major confrontations with them. She was loud, obnoxious, NEVER stopped talking...*but* was well liked by management so she never got in trouble.


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## Sausageboy

*I can relate possible solutions*

Hi guys, I'm a male who has experienced social awkardness at work and it for sure doesn't make anyone feel good on the inside. Every day seems like here we go again! Some of the feelings I felt were: awkard, shy, timid, easily embarrassed etc etc I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

The consistent theme from the threads are the feelings of not fitting in and feeling like an outcast. Both are terrible emotions to feel I've been there.

I realized that SA is from a variety of things such as being under exposed to social settings, caring too much what people think, all ways trying to be calm/cool/collective. But the key thing is 95% is because of LACK OF CONFIDENCE. Guys I still experience SA but I started to finally believe in my self and not care what the Hell people say or think. I know it's easier said then done, but it's baby steps.

I hope this helps at least 1 person


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## keithjm

JamesM2 said:


> I just spend all day at my desk trying to avoid any kind of contact, listening to music in an attempt to drown out the inane chatter around me about weekends, what everyone is having for lunch etc. Lunchtimes are a welcome reprieve because the office empties out as co-workers go off joined at the hip in their little cliques to wherever the hell they go to eat and gossip.
> 
> Yesterday afternoon I went to our supposedly compulsory weekly meeting for the first time in a while and was reminded why I stopped bothering going. It never starts on time because everyone is more interested in drinking and socialising with each other while I stand awkwardly on the outer edges pretending to notice something interesting on the wall. Sure enough, five minutes into the start time of the meeting yesterday and everyone was still laughing and joking away while I just stood there by myself, so I walked out and went back to my desk, vowing never to attend another meeting again since they're clearly much more interested in discussing their weekend plans than actual work.
> 
> It's not so much the fact that I don't relate to these people that bothers me; it's having to spend my entire day with these people in a place I just don't belong that does my head in :no


Happens to me all the time-for over 20 years at work. In every business meeting, dinner, cocktail party,social event I go to, "everyone" is chatting and having a good time.
This year I declined all gatherings and no one asked why. Everyone knows why. I think I will decline all gatherings from now on at work. Over time I think they probably will not even ask me anymore. I always thought there was a group out there for me. I was wrong--there is no group out there.


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## jlscho03

This was how it was for me at my old job, and I had gone out of my way to be more outgoing and friendly. In previous jobs I had been quiet and never talked (It took me two years to speak to my co-workers and feel somewhat comfortable). I had decided to change it this last time and I did <success!>

People liked me, but I guess I just didn't fit in with the company culture. Oh well.


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## jesse93

keithjm said:


> Happens to me all the time-for over 20 years at work. In every business meeting, dinner, cocktail party,social event I go to, "everyone" is chatting and having a good time.
> This year I declined all gatherings and no one asked why. Everyone knows why. I think I will decline all gatherings from now on at work. Over time I think they probably will not even ask me anymore. *I always thought there was a group out there for me. I was wrong--there is no group out there.*


That sure does hit home. I always tell myself that I'll fit in somewhere but it doesn't seem to be that way.


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## romeoindespair

Funny story I have about this topic. I recently quit my job as a telemarketer and the day I'm supposed to leave the manager calls me into his office and says he's concerned about why I'm quitting. Apparently people were intentionally sitting away from me and talking about me a lot but the funny thing is I never even noticed people disliked me. 

I almost burst into laughter after I left his office. Don't think that helped much either


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## NoHopeDuh

*On point with me.*

I work in a small environment with like 4 people all week, and all of them are early twenties while i'm late 20s so automatically i am disgusted, so i go into work with hopes of friendly chatter, only to yell like yesterday shut the **** up. I cant help it, i've been there for over a year, also thinking maybe i could use this to be more social, in the end no one gives a **** because they're all just there to make money and keep their position. Too bad in the real world I will not help you one ****ing bit. Except for my boss, who did help me, but he's a **** on the highest order and can go **** of. Lately I feel a mutiny too because I'm the oldest, the little haters are turning on me and it's weird, don't you find it funny when people backstab you because they envy you? It's weirder when your life sucks like mine and they envy it. GOD HELP THEM.


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## jesse93

romeoindespair said:


> Funny story I have about this topic. I recently quit my job as a telemarketer and the day I'm supposed to leave the manager calls me into his office and says he's concerned about why I'm quitting. Apparently people were intentionally sitting away from me and talking about me a lot but the funny thing is I never even noticed people disliked me.
> 
> I almost burst into laughter after I left his office. Don't think that helped much either


dang man, well at least you could walk out of there with a grin on your face and wanting to laugh. Personally if I was in that situation it would make me feel pretty terrible inside knowing that, but hey man I envy you for being able to take it like that.


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## Snowman 23

FaeSarah said:


> Sounds like my realization every day when I'm at work... Some differences though.. I dont really like my job 100%, I don't hate it either, but well it's somewhere half way..
> As for the colleagues there.. Well there is a group, always going for coffee together.. I'm never asked along..They do ask me for lunch, and since I don't like lunching alone, I go along, but end up being the silent one at the table.. From time to time I try to add something to the ongoing conversation, but either the conversation ends up being dead after that, or they act like they didn't hear anything.. So there is me.. Sitting at a table of 9 people chatting and laughing and I'm the one being silent...


This is pretty much what I go through with the people at work. Half the time I actually try to join in on the conversation, they tend to go silent.


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## romeoindespair

jesse93 said:


> dang man, well at least you could walk out of there with a grin on your face and wanting to laugh. Personally if I was in that situation it would make me feel pretty terrible inside knowing that, but hey man I envy you for being able to take it like that.


I guess my feelings were akin to "You dislike me? Really :| ?Who the **** am I to bother you so much?" I've never thought myself that intresting a person. Let alone intresting enough to apparently piss off everyone in the office.

I barely even payed attention to them while I was working there. And now as I'm leaving I find out I'm all they could talk about? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.


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## Sausageboy

*possible solutions*

Hi guys, I can relate to a lot of the posts in this forum. Work for me at times were somewhat draining because I would always feel like I'm always putting out but not getting anything back. I would start conversations and go out of my way in the morning and say hi but my co-workers wouldn't do the same but they would do it to each other.

I have made a lot of progress since.... please don't tune me out because I feel that a lot of people on this forum would rather be appreciated and paid attention to. A lot of people would just want to fit in. I've found out that if people sense that you don't have a high opinion about yourself and are for a lack of better words "whimpy", they won't want to associate with you because it would make them feel "whimpy". People always strive to feel good by feeling confident. I realized people want to be around those who are "confident" because it makes others feel better about "themselves".

It's funny because people at work would pass you by, but go out of their way to say good morning to the Jerk guy across the room, and the reason for that is because a lot of those jerks have confidence and those approaching them feel that they must be cool if he (the jerk) gave them a few minutes of his time. It's almost comical when I see people doing that but it's because that's how they boost their own confidence!

I would love to share some possible solutions to this problem that I've found that helped me. Let me know if you want to chat.

Take care


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## keithjm

Sausageboy said:


> Hi guys, I can relate to a lot of the posts in this forum. Work for me at times were somewhat draining because I would always feel like I'm always putting out but not getting anything back. I would start conversations and go out of my way in the morning and say hi but my co-workers wouldn't do the same but they would do it to each other.
> 
> I have made a lot of progress since.... please don't tune me out because I feel that a lot of people on this forum would rather be appreciated and paid attention to. A lot of people would just want to fit in. I've found out that if people sense that you don't have a high opinion about yourself and are for a lack of better words "whimpy", they won't want to associate with you because it would make them feel "whimpy". People always strive to feel good by feeling confident. I realized people want to be around those who are "confident" because it makes others feel better about "themselves".
> 
> It's funny because people at work would pass you by, but go out of their way to say good morning to the Jerk guy across the room, and the reason for that is because a lot of those jerks have confidence and those approaching them feel that they must be cool if he (the jerk) gave them a few minutes of his time. It's almost comical when I see people doing that but it's because that's how they boost their own confidence!
> 
> I would love to share some possible solutions to this problem that I've found that helped me. Let me know if you want to chat.
> 
> Take care


Agree. People want to be around "cool" people and will dump an uncool friend in a minute. I remember going to basic military training. In those days, everyone would gather up at an airport to fly to basic training facility. On the trip, I got to be "friends" with a few of them. These "friends" did not last long though. Once in basic training, and I was plucked out as "uncool" socially inept and solitary, my "friends" dumped me in a New York minute. Being alone in basic training is the worst. In basic training there are certain times when we have free time. Just a few hours, but still free time. This is when it hits home. Everyone was making plans on what to do with the free time in their groups. They would be careful to make sure this planning was behind my back so I would not get the silly notion that I could force my way into the group. So free time would start at 6:00 PM. Everyone is sitting around at 5:55 not looking like they have their plans finalized. Then in magic moment, they all disappear. By 6:01, the dorm is empty. I say to myself, do I go out and let them see me with no group? My airplane ex-"friends" are with the cool guys. The Training Instructor says I cannot stay in the dorm alone. So I go out and go into a movie theater to kill the 5 hours of free time. Now comes the hard part again. Everyone comes back talking and laughing on what fun they had and asking everyone else what they did. Only one person asked me what I did; not out of interest but to poke fun at me.


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## keithjm

romeoindespair said:


> Funny story I have about this topic. I recently quit my job as a telemarketer and the day I'm supposed to leave the manager calls me into his office and says he's concerned about why I'm quitting. Apparently people were intentionally sitting away from me and talking about me a lot but the funny thing is I never even noticed people disliked me.
> 
> I almost burst into laughter after I left his office. Don't think that helped much either


I remember once when my boss, a female much younger than I, got promoted and moved to a better position. Someone, who may had been playing with me, suggested I apply for her old job. I did have similar job knowledge so I thought, give it a try. Then came answer from a VP. He asked for a meeting with me. He said I should remove myself from applying for the job. According to him, "no one here respects you. They laugh at you behind your back. Your word carries no influence and everyone feels free to ignore you." So when the VP of company of almost 1,000 people says this to you, you know have a problem. I was crushed. He said it was necessary that I know how others think of me. I also found out my former boss used to make jokes about me to everyone she knew in the company. One new person suggested that I resign because I had no future there and suggested I try a job where being able to deal with people is not necessary.


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## burningpile

My colleagues are as ****ed up as I am, its impossible to be self concious around them.


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## jesse93

keithjm said:


> I remember once when my boss, a female much younger than I, got promoted and moved to a better position. Someone, who may had been playing with me, suggested I apply for her old job. I did have similar job knowledge so I thought, give it a try. Then came answer from a VP. He asked for a meeting with me. He said I should remove myself from applying for the job. According to him, "no one here respects you. They laugh at you behind your back. Your word carries no influence and everyone feels free to ignore you." So when the VP of company of almost 1,000 people says this to you, you know have a problem. I was crushed. He said it was necessary that I know how others think of me. I also found out my former boss used to make jokes about me to everyone she knew in the company. One new person suggested that I resign because I had no future there and suggested I try a job where being able to deal with people is not necessary.


Wow man, that sounds extremely rough. I don't know how you were able to handle that, I can't even imagine how hard I would take that. I would probably just walk out right then and there. Sorry to hear you had to go through with that. It's crazy how cruel some people are..


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## Nothing123

*..*



blue2 said:


> Yeah I try to join in but I'll always be the outcast


Every time i try to make a joke or have a conversation, it goes flat. So i just dont bother anymore..

My co workers arent mean per se, but i dnt really understand them, nor do they understand me.


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## Mur

burningpile said:


> My colleagues are as ****ed up as I am, its impossible to be self concious around them.


This lol


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## keithjm

Well today I have the office to myself. The office has gone to the annual meeting out of state. Therefore, I do not have to attend cocktail parties, round table dinners, and meetings where I am the only one who is a fish out of water. I do not have pretend I have something important to read on my phone. I do not have to endure two people having a conversation while I am sitting between them-so humiliating. I do not have to endure the pain of finding a place to sit when everyone has pre-filled the tables with friends and associates. I do not have to endure the pain of being the only one ready for the meeting, dinner, or session while everyone is still talking and socializing and having a good time. And finally being the first one to leave the table (to go straight to my room) while everyone hangs around and enjoys informal conversations and heads out to the bar or club. I endured it for 6 years and I finally had the nerve to tell them I would not attend. I saved the company about $700 and get to catch up on work. Of course when they get back they will ask why I did not go. Some will know why.


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## keithjm

I have gone to about 30-35 Christmas/New Year's Eve/Business Event/Cocktail Parties in my career. I have hated them all. Going to them reinforces everyone's idea that I should not gone at all. It is so obvious. I use to pretend that each new event would work out. It never does. Each time, I vowed never to go to another one. Now I have finally had to the guts to tell them no. I will never go and too bad if I look bad. I already looked bad by going. Now I will no longer have to endure social isolation in crowded room. No one will miss me--they made sure to avoid me for all these years.


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## 7th.Streeter

jesse93 said:


> Every day at work is just a new realization that *I can't fit in with my coworkers no matter how hard I try, always sitting by myself while all my other coworkers are in their "clique" laughing and enjoying each others company*, eating lunch alone, being told I'm "super quiet" all the time, and here I was thinking work would help me become more social, it's sad that I actually enjoy my job, but my coworkers make it miserable for me. Sigh :|
> 
> Oh well, here's to all of the other people out there who have a very terrible time at work because they can't fit in.


Yap, thats me now, in fact im nervous to go into work ,...i go in , in 10 mins :afr

I hope im not in the way today ... :s


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## 7th.Streeter

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Every time i try to make a joke or have a conversation, it goes flat. So i just dont bother anymore..
> 
> My co workers arent mean per se, but i dnt really understand them, nor do they understand me.


Yes, this....theyre semi-sweet..its just ..im still the new girl and ..quiet sooo..

yah


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## flowingmountain

cheers, i'm right there with ya 

f 'em
:whip


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## NG77

*In a dilemma*

I feel you all. This has been me for most of my life. I rarely seem to fit in with people, and most of the time, I don't even want to, because I only want to make an effort with people I genuinely like. Otherwise, I just feel it's not worth my time.

Hence my dilemma right now. A couple months ago, I left a job because the role was evolving in a direction that i didn't really want my career to go, and I was offered another position that I thought would be ideal for me. However, I'd been at the old company long enough that I actually developed some friendships, and genuinely liked the little group that I spent my time with there. They were easy to talk to, and seemed to actually want to spend time with me. But I figured if I could meet people like that there, then I could surely meet a similar group at my new job.

Not the case. Already a couple months into this new job, I feel no connection with anyone there, and really feel like an outcast. Most of the people working there are really extroverted, and talk incessantly about inane topics that I don't relate to or care about. I've tried to fit in with people and feign interest, and some days are better than others, but I can't help feeling like I made a mistake switching jobs. I miss my old coworkers.

So my question is - do you guys think I should go back to my old job? Do you think fitting in with the company culture can overshadow the fact that the role itself was not ideally what I wanted to do? I know for a fact, they are still hiring for my position, and several people mentioned when I left that if I was looking again in the future I could always come back. So do you think that's what I should do? Any help would be appreciated  I feel so lost right now.


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## jesse93

NG77 said:


> I feel you all. This has been me for most of my life. I rarely seem to fit in with people, and most of the time, I don't even want to, because I only want to make an effort with people I genuinely like. Otherwise, I just feel it's not worth my time.
> 
> Hence my dilemma right now. A couple months ago, I left a job because the role was evolving in a direction that i didn't really want my career to go, and I was offered another position that I thought would be ideal for me. However, I'd been at the old company long enough that I actually developed some friendships, and genuinely liked the little group that I spent my time with there. They were easy to talk to, and seemed to actually want to spend time with me. But I figured if I could meet people like that there, then I could surely meet a similar group at my new job.
> 
> That being said if it's effecting your mental health really badly, then go ahead and switch back to your old job
> Not the case. Already a couple months into this new job, I feel no connection with anyone there, and really feel like an outcast. Most of the people working there are really extroverted, and talk incessantly about inane topics that I don't relate to or care about. I've tried to fit in with people and feign interest, and some days are better than others, but I can't help feeling like I made a mistake switching jobs. I miss my old coworkers.
> 
> So my question is - do you guys think I should go back to my old job? Do you think fitting in with the company culture can overshadow the fact that the role itself was not ideally what I wanted to do? I know for a fact, they are still hiring for my position, and several people mentioned when I left that if I was looking again in the future I could always come back. So do you think that's what I should do? Any help would be appreciated  I feel so lost right now.


I say give it some more time and see how it turns out, give it a couple of months and things may start to get better for you, if they don't and you still want to go back to your old job then I say go for it, but just remember if you want to push forward in life you're going to have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to be able to push forward. Going back to your old job is just taking a step back, you should just keep pushing forward no matter how hard it is, that's my opinion.

I still have nights where I feel pretty torn inside because of how outcasted I feel, some nights im extremely depressed after work, but I keep pushing forward because I know no matter what job I choose or where I go I will most likely be an outcast there also, might as well just push forward with my current job.


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## NG77

Thanks for the advice! I'm gonna give it some more time, but I am still just really not feeling a connection to the people I work with  We'll see what happens in the next couple weeks, but at least it's good to know I have options I guess.


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## Tymes Rhymes

Today, I caused a disturbance by get this....NOT talking.

One of my managers pulled me into a secluded sort of back room and told me that I am great with customers but with my co-workers, I act like I don't care.

That is because I don't. I don't care to socialize at work, I actually come to work even though I hate my job. Workers gossip and have their cliques. I don't care to engage and have no interest in that vapid drivel.

I am very well aware of how my actions, cadence, and overall demeanor can make others perceive me so it wasn't a shock to me that someone finally pulled me aside.

What I hated was that she told me that she cares about me, and that she wouldn't tell anyone else if I needed to talk to her. that is BS. 

If I were to tell her about my frustrations with life, my existential nihilism, my complete indifference to society's standards, how I don't find meaning in anything anymore; she would go run and tell her superiors.

She has never displayed interest in me or my plight before and has ignored me herself at times.

This is what I hate about people. They are so quick to call you out on your flaws that they fail to acknowledge their own shortcomings.


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## LonelySkater

I like my job too and I'm lucky that one of my corworkers is an older fella who agrees it's better working on your own so we split up to do the work. My other coworker is ok, but he's often in a bad mood so I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. I think he gets a bit uncomfortable with my lack of conversation too sometimes, I can tell he's bored. I still prefer working with him to some of the others that are employed by the company though. I've been accused of being a serial killer by one and gay by another. I've heard a couple of conversations between coworkers where they're saying such and such is weird because he/she is too quiet. It wouldn't surprise me if they're saying the same thing about me behind my back. The other guys are always talking about sport, and hot girls too. I just want to leave the conversation and get back to work...

Oh and if there's one thing I can't stand, even more than rude customers, it's coworkers who tell you how to do your job and bark orders at you but hardly lift a finger themselves.


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## RenegadeSam

That's what really makes work so horrible for me, not really the work that is required but the bloody co workers. Thankfully, my job right now is very independent, I'm rarely around my co workers, we just have a small team meeting for maybe five minutes which is a joy, but previous ones were just terrible.


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## tonyhd71

I gave up trying. Its too hard to follow a fake act on a daily basis. Eventually coworkers catch on to your weirdness and the act disappears.

That's what happened with me. I just accept that I'm the weird guy at work. If I'm going to be pointed out for being quiet might as well be quiet.


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## aiilov3

Same here. I keep telling myself whenever I start a new job I will make more of an effort to make friends...but it never happens...I am too awkward around people.


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## jesse93

tonyhd71 said:


> I gave up trying. Its too hard to follow a fake act on a daily basis. Eventually coworkers catch on to your weirdness and the act disappears.
> 
> That's what happened with me. I just accept that I'm the weird guy at work. If I'm going to be pointed out for being quiet might as well be quiet.


Very valid point, that's kind of where I'm at. I just went back to work after being sick for 2 days, and I found out that about 4 old coworkers came back to work for christmas break from college, and man I felt more outcast today than I have in a while. I'm so tired of going home feeling so low in my self and so depressed. I wish at this point I could just stop giving a ***** like a lot of you on here are able to do, but it doesn't work like that for me, I care about everything so deeply, and that's why I'm always feeling extremely sad and lonely for being an outcast.


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## JamesM2

I think there are just some people who have absolutely no hope of ever fitting in around others and I'm one of them. I just wasn't built to be around people all day. Everyone else chats away happily all day - I sit at my desk barely saying a word. I wish I could just be known as the shy quiet guy who everyone respects, but I know I just come across as a weirdo with issues :blank


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## mezzoforte

tonyhd71 said:


> I gave up trying. Its too hard to follow a fake act on a daily basis. Eventually coworkers catch on to your weirdness and the act disappears.
> 
> That's what happened with me. I just accept that I'm the weird guy at work. If I'm going to be pointed out for being quiet might as well be quiet.


Yup, this is how I feel.


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