# Giving a speech at graduation...



## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

I got salutatorian of my graduating class. As soon as i heard class rankings, I felt sick and continued to feel sick all day. I tried so hard to get out of making my speech, but the senior sponsor said that it's between me and my parents. And my mom isn't understanding at all, and there's no way I'm getting out of this now. The school says I don't have to do it, but they refuse to come between me and my parents. Which is very annoying, since I'm 18 and feel it should be my choice. But...I suppose all there is to do now is prepare, because I'm going to have to do it. So is there anyone who has been in, or is currently in, this situation? Any advice would be appreciated.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

What repercussions would there be if you refused to go through with it?


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

I'm really not sure. I've gone to this senior sponsor twice. Both times, she told my dad who is also a teacher there. My dad said I have to do what my mom wants, and she wants me to do it. The sponsor said if I could get her to agree to me not doing it, then that was fine. But last time I talked to my mom about it she yelled at me and I cried and had a headache all day the next day, even after a night of sleep. My mom doesn't care. I told her I can't do it, she says I will do it. So...I'm not willing to ask her again. I don't know. I have to turn in a speech by may 3, and if I don't another girl has to do a speech but she doesn't want to either. I guess the repurcussions would be my family, the teachers, and that other girl all being mad at me and ruining graduation. I'm very timid...I don't do well with disapproval.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

Does your mother know about your anxiety?


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Yeah. I told her about it that time when I was trying to get out of the speech. She wants me to do it, and she says this will get me out of my shell. I told her I need to take baby steps...she disagrees.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

Well, I don't think that if you refuse it will ruin graduation. People might be mad, but you can't really control that—what's important is that they are being insensitive and unreasonable, not you.


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Okay...well how do i do that, then? The teacher says I can't get out of it without consent. That's a pretty big roadblock.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

What does that mean though? They can't force you to do it.


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Yeah, you're right. The teacher even told me that. But then she said she wouldn't get between me and my mom. Should I go to the principal...?


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

I think I'd tell that teacher that, consent or no, I'm not getting up on that stage, so they'd better have other plans. That said, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a counsellor.. maybe they could speak on your behalf.


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Okay. That's all great advice...it's just that there are so many hard social interactions that will have to take place. I've talked to the teacher twice already, both times having to bring my boyfriend for moral support. It almost feels like it would be easier to just give the speech. Would it be effective to just talk to our guidance counselor, just tell her about the SA? I don't want to have to go to a therapist just to get me out of this.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

Talking to your guidance counsellor sounds like a good course of action to me.


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Alright, I guess I can try that.


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## panopticon (Nov 14, 2010)

Good luck


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Thank you, and also thanks for all the advice


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

I just wanted to say I'm in the exact same situation as you (same class rank and all), minus my parents trying to force me to give the speech. If I don't do it, though, the whole school will know I backed out because I'm afraid and some of them will be going to college with me next year...

I think if you feel like you can even possibly do it, it would be a good idea to try. I feel like, for me, it might be helpful in overcoming my SA before college (after all, what's the challenge in joining a club or going up to talk to someone during orientation after I've spoken in front of five thousand people?). It's only one afternoon of terror and then, hopefully, my confidence will go up and my SA will get a bit better (at least that's how I'm thinking of it). In your case there's also the benefit of not getting your mom angry. 

It's probably not a good idea to listen to me, though, because as much sense as what I just said makes to myself, there's a good chance I'll panic and try to get out of it only when it's too late for them to find another speaker. That's how things tend to go for me. Oh well - good luck!


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

if you absolutely must do the speech, i would recommend practicing in front of a mirror or a small group of people first. i think it would help.


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Remnant of Dawn...hi, it's really nice to hear that there's someone out there in the exact situation as me. It's pretty comforting to know I'm not alone in this. In reply to your comment, I had decided the other day that I was just going to do the stupid speech and get it over with. But I have some more to add to my story. I'm engaged to be married next month, and my fiancé knows about my SA and wants to support me and protect me from the world. He doesn't want me to give the speech and feels that if I do, i will be betraying him and carin for my family's feelings more than his. I am very glad you've decided to do yours. That's great for you, and I hope you'll let me know how it goes. But I think it's very important that I stand my ground on this one. 
Prettyful...thank you for your advice too. I'm sure that would help. My mom has told me the same. I'm terrified to even say the speech to a small group of people. I've never given a speech in my life. The closest I've come is a class report, where you know what you're saying is correct anyway, because you have sources to back you up. I have nothing to say for a salutatorian speech.


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## Remnant of Dawn (Feb 22, 2012)

Learn to Fly said:


> Remnant of Dawn...hi, it's really nice to hear that there's someone out there in the exact situation as me. It's pretty comforting to know I'm not alone in this. In reply to your comment, I had decided the other day that I was just going to do the stupid speech and get it over with. But I have some more to add to my story. I'm engaged to be married next month, and my fiancé knows about my SA and wants to support me and protect me from the world. He doesn't want me to give the speech and feels that if I do, i will be betraying him and carin for my family's feelings more than his. I am very glad you've decided to do yours. That's great for you, and I hope you'll let me know how it goes. But I think it's very important that I stand my ground on this one.
> Prettyful...thank you for your advice too. I'm sure that would help. My mom has told me the same. I'm terrified to even say the speech to a small group of people. I've never given a speech in my life. The closest I've come is a class report, where you know what you're saying is correct anyway, because you have sources to back you up. I have nothing to say for a salutatorian speech.


Ok, I wasn't aware of that. I won't tell you what you should do then - do whatever you feel is best. Thanks for the warm wishes and best of luck!


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

I know I didn't mention it before. Thank you


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## Mya (Aug 31, 2012)

oh gosh, i'm sorry. i totally understand. i have to give a big portfolio presentation this week in my graphic design class (two, if you include the practice run) and i'm DYING inside. i know it's not as big a deal as a graduation speech, but i feel your pain.  i'm sure you'll do great, and besides, you're graduating, so just remember that you never have to see any of those people ever again!


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

Thank you. I'm still not even sure if I'm doing it or not. I think being up in the air may be the worst part of it. It's killing me...I'm being pulled one way by my fiancé and another way by literally EVERYONE else. But thanks for the positive thoughts. Good luck with your presentation, I hope it goes well


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## Learn to Fly (Feb 28, 2013)

So...just wanted to update, I have to make the stupid speech. :/ I'm definitely not excited at all, and I'm very negative about the whole situation, which definitely makes writing the thing a whole lot worse. But...3 weeks until graduation, and then it's over.


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