# 25 and haven't had a job yet



## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

Hello~

I hope this is the right category. Also, warning: i'm annoying and this is all gonna sound quite stupid

I never really thought about my future. I was always in some state of denial about growing up. Which cause a lot of different issues, including not getting prepared in any way for the fact that i'll need a job one day. I was sure could never get a "higher" job than a minimum-wage, so i didn't go to college after graduating high school, like most people do. But i've also been made(mostly by my parents) to believe that there are jobs than EVERYONE can get. Like, you don't even need to know how to read or have any skills or anything. So i didn't stress too much over it(i was more focused on other problems for a while). Because hey...why get a job right away when those factories will always be there and they "hire everyone".
Where i'm from(idk if it's the same in other countries), after you graduate high school, for 6 months you can get a small amount of monthly money if you're neither working or in college. So i thought this seemed like a nice opportunity to relax (i hated school and really didn't want to see people for a while). I was such an idiot. 6 months became a year because i struggle very hard with change and also because i am an idiot.
So yeah, i finally ended up at a interview at 20 y/o. The interview was actually some sort of multi-choice quiz. Like i was asked a question and had to pick the most relevant answer for the question. "what are you looking for on a workplace? a)stability, b)understanding, c)...etc". but yea, they didn't want me. Despite getting the best result at the practical test i had to take before the interview. I just don't look normal. I'm nervous and act very stupid trying to talk and people just asume i can't do the job(despite the fact that the job doesn't involve talking). I felt crushed and just cried the whole day because..i couldn't believe it. I thought everyone means everyone. I guess i'm not a human, then.
Tried a couple times again, nothing. I know..i know i haven't tried enough. But i was sure that since they don't want me, it's pointless to apply for other places. Why would it be any different?
Okay, then i just wasted the next 1.5 years. 
Then i got into a semi-long distance relationship. I thought...okay, that's it. I have now the perfect motivation to try hard to get a job and move out of my hometown(which i hate). I just need his support. But he wasn't supportive about the idea. At all. What he wanted was for me to go to college/faculty... 
But i didn't really want to break up with him, so i did what he wanted. Ofc, since i never thought about it, i had no idea what degree to choose, so i just picked something...seemingly random and 100% not suitable for my personality. And didn't even get it on the first try, so i did an even more random degree for 1 year, before finally starting the degree that i "wanted"
And every time i'd mention the fact that i should get job i would end up arguing with my boyfriend for various stupid reasons. He says i need to focus on studying, i say i can't do that before i get a job. He says that flexible or part-time jobs don't exist, i'm literally asking him if i can get a job IF I FIND ONE WITH A GOOD SCHEDULLE. he doesn't care, he just says they don't exist. he says he doesn't want to be associated with a fast food worker, while i'm trying to understand why is being associated with someone who is MUCH LESS than that okay. years later, he says he's never forbidden me anything and doesn't understand why i'm angry with him. Saying bad things about something i want to do is equal with have something be forbidden to me. I need support. I need to know my goals are being COMPLETELY alright, or i just can't. But yeah, these are just excuses, i guess.
So basically I'm currently a 25 years old girl and a 2nd year uni student who has never had a job.
And i'm terrified. What would they think? How could i possibly explain this to an employer? Seriously wondering if it's even worth telling them that i'm currently in college, due to the nature of the degree, i feel like i risk being laughed at. Besides, it's online. Also, my uni is a joke. It's really nothing. 
I know...that when i decide to try again i'll need to ACTUALLY try, apply to a lot of place and be prepared for rejection. But it's terrifying and i don't know how i can ever be ready for that.
2nd term exams are coming soon. It's probably an awful time to start looking. Probably. Is it? But then again, i'm sure i'll find other excuses to procrastinate after exams are done. So i really don't know.
And also, since the pandemic, my boyfriend is working from home.(we live together since i started uni), which means he's always home. And we only have 1 room WHICH MEANS, it will be impossible to answer the phone(when i got called to go to an interview) without him hearing. And talking on a phone while having someone in the same room with me is something that i find even scarier than going to job interviews. So basically i have issues.

TL;DR:
age 19: did absolutely nothing
20: had a few job interviews, but didn't get accepted, so i assumed there's no point in trying again
21: did nothing
22: started college 
23: started a different degree
25: at the end of the 2nd year of the degree, and i want to try looking for jobs, but i'm scared and idk how to go about it..

Does anyone have advice or is there someone who didn't have a job for a while after graduating high school, but finally got one and can tell me how they did it?🥺


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I dropped out of high school at 17 and never finished college. Had a few minimum wage jobs for a few months at a time up to age 21. Then didn't work again until age 30. Worked a few minimum wage jobs until I was 33 and then got my commercial driver's license. Been doing that since. Drivers are in high demand here and they don't really care what you did or didn't do previous to that. I feel like it was one of my only options to get into a decent paying career with no education and minimal experience.


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## either/or (Apr 27, 2020)

snow_drop said:


> I just don't look normal. I'm nervous and act very stupid trying to talk and people just asume i can't do the job(despite the fact that the job doesn't involve talking).





> And we only have 1 room WHICH MEANS, it will be impossible to answer the phone(when i got called to go to an interview) without him hearing. And talking on a phone while having someone in the same room with me is something that i find even scarier than going to job interviews. So basically i have issues.


This is me, it's tough. I get it. I come off terribly during interviews. I've always had jobs, through college and after graduating, but I'm always worried about getting laid off or something and having to try and find another one because I know how difficult that is when you don't present well to employers. I also have a pretty bad phone phobia, especially when it comes to conference calls, and hate it when anyone watches or listens to me do anything. So I totally understand the predicament that you're in.



> Does anyone have advice or is there someone who didn't have a job for a while after graduating high school, but finally got one and can tell me how they did it?🥺


Not sure I have much advice other than maybe given your situation perhaps try to do something just so that you get some employment history behind you and can then work your way up to something better. I'm thinking of things like entry level retail like cashier, maybe a laundry service, washing dishes, busgirl, hotel housekeeper, etc. Stuff like that where you can just do it to get a job and some employment history and then move on to something you like better or are better suited for. Wish you luck on your search though, I'm sure you will find something eventually.


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## Known (May 9, 2021)

I’d say your relationship with your boyfriend sounds a bit codependent and maybe stems from your relationship with your parents. The priority is not what he or anyone else thinks the priority is you. It would be good for you to get a job any job will do it’s just to support you while you do university financially. All students do this they work in retail or whatever to earn a little money and then when they graduate apply for things more relevant to their degree. You are saying some really negative things about yourself . Try speaking more positively and expecting people in the interview to see you more positively. You’ve got a lot going for you you are intelligent and you are young. Don’t waste time worrying about your age. You could also do some volunteering on the side maybe with something you enjoy just to build up your confidence a bit. Get some counselling too if you are not already. You sound like a lovely person just need to put your focus off trying to “fix it” there’s nothing to fix just don’t pressure yourself so much. Also apply for lots of jobs doesn’t matter if you don’t get anywhere the fact is the more doors you knock on the better. Try to see it as a practical issue and don’t bring it back on yourself x


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

either/or said:


> This is me, it's tough. I get it. I come off terribly during interviews. I've always had jobs, through college and after graduating, but I'm always worried about getting laid off or something and having to try and find another one because I know how difficult that is when you don't present well to employers. I also have a pretty bad phone phobia, especially when it comes to conference calls, and hate it when anyone watches or listens to me do anything. So I totally understand the predicament that you're in.
> 
> Not sure I have much advice other than maybe given your situation perhaps try to do something just so that you get some employment history behind you and can then work your way up to something better. I'm thinking of things like entry level retail like cashier, maybe a laundry service, washing dishes, busgirl, hotel housekeeper, etc. Stuff like that where you can just do it to get a job and some employment history and then move on to something you like better or are better suited for. Wish you luck on your search though, I'm sure you will find something eventually.


thank you <33
and it's good to see someone feels the same
but how did you have jobs if you're like that? i suppose you just had to apply to a lot of places and be well prepared, is that right?

About the second part: Any job is a job. Yes, entry level jobs are also something i'm afraid of trying to pursue. I thought it was clear that i want any type of job, sorry if i wasn't.


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

Known said:


> I’d say your relationship with your boyfriend sounds a bit codependent and maybe stems from your relationship with your parents. The priority is not what he or anyone else thinks the priority is you. It would be good for you to get a job any job will do it’s just to support you while you do university financially. All students do this they work in retail or whatever to earn a little money and then when they graduate apply for things more relevant to their degree. You are saying some really negative things about yourself . Try speaking more positively and expecting people in the interview to see you more positively. You’ve got a lot going for you you are intelligent and you are young. Don’t waste time worrying about your age. You could also do some volunteering on the side maybe with something you enjoy just to build up your confidence a bit. Get some counselling too if you are not already. You sound like a lovely person just need to put your focus off trying to “fix it” there’s nothing to fix just don’t pressure yourself so much. Also apply for lots of jobs doesn’t matter if you don’t get anywhere the fact is the more doors you knock on the better. Try to see it as a practical issue and don’t bring it back on yourself x


Thank you <33
Indeed, i have a lot of classmates who are working. And many of them working entry-level jobs. Nobody has a problem with it. My not-working classmates just find them cool/impressive. I don't know why my boyfriend thinks the way he does. I know there are people who look down on people who work/worked entry-level jobs, i just don't understand why.
I'm speaking negatively cause there's nothing positive about me. Okay, yeah, i need to learn how to act.
I also wanted to do volunteering. And he said it's a waste of time.
Can't get counseling if i don't have money to pay it - it's expensive.
why would you say i seem lovely or intelligent
Alright, trying to wrap my head around that i'll have to keep knocking
Also that i'll have to have the job conversation again
i don't which is worse


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

snow_drop said:


> Thank you <33
> Indeed, i have a lot of classmates who are working. And many of them working entry-level jobs. Nobody has a problem with it. My not-working classmates just find them cool/impressive. I don't know why my boyfriend thinks the way he does. I know there are people who look down on people who work/worked entry-level jobs, i just don't understand why.
> I'm speaking negatively cause there's nothing positive about me. Okay, yeah, i need to learn how to act.
> I also wanted to do volunteering. And he said it's a waste of time.
> ...


Man your boyfriend seems really has issues with people who work low wage jobs. I personally didn't start working until I was about your age honestly. It was a lot of work trying to get an in with a training program I was taking to get a job. I got the job but since it was in the traveling/transportation business we got hit hard. Anyways don't worry about what people think of you, I know it's hard but let them talk ****. Believe me you don't have to worry about the opinions of others except those that support your choices, I know you're scared to make the wrong choice, but sometimes it's more about leaps of faith.


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## Known (May 9, 2021)

snow_drop said:


> Thank you <33
> Indeed, i have a lot of classmates who are working. And many of them working entry-level jobs. Nobody has a problem with it. My not-working classmates just find them cool/impressive. I don't know why my boyfriend thinks the way he does. I know there are people who look down on people who work/worked entry-level jobs, i just don't understand why.
> I'm speaking negatively cause there's nothing positive about me. Okay, yeah, i need to learn how to act.
> I also wanted to do volunteering. And he said it's a waste of time.
> ...


If employers wonder about why you’ve not had a job then you just have to major on the fact that you have been focused on your studies. I don’t really think they would even question it in retail and entry level jobs it’s just you assuming this mostly they are not going to care they just want to know that you will be reliable and hardworking as they need you to cover the shifts. You will have had experience presumably as working part of a team etc within university setting. They tend to all ask the same questions like “why do you want this job? What are your strengths/weaknesses? How do you manage as part of a team?” And think of your experience at college and university and prepare your answers. Ok if not doing volunteering or counselling just now guess need to just focus on the job and studies first. Also if you get a telephone interview or a call from a prospective employer it’s ok to ask them to hold the line a second and then ask your boyfriend to leave the room so you can have some privacy . Just keep trying you can do this x


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

Dissonance said:


> Man your boyfriend seems really has issues with people who work low wage jobs. I personally didn't start working until I was about your age honestly. It was a lot of work trying to get an in with a training program I was taking to get a job. I got the job but since it was in the traveling/transportation business we got hit hard. Anyways don't worry about what people think of you, I know it's hard but let them talk ****. Believe me you don't have to worry about the opinions of others except those that support your choices, I know you're scared to make the wrong choice, but sometimes it's more about leaps of faith.


thank you <33


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

Known said:


> If employers wonder about why you’ve not had a job then you just have to major on the fact that you have been focused on your studies. I don’t really think they would even question it in retail and entry level jobs it’s just you assuming this mostly they are not going to care they just want to know that you will be reliable and hardworking as they need you to cover the shifts. You will have had experience presumably as working part of a team etc within university setting. They tend to all ask the same questions like “why do you want this job? What are your strengths/weaknesses? How do you manage as part of a team?” And think of your experience at college and university and prepare your answers.


if only i had focused - i have terrible grades, i was too depressed about my life situation to bring myself to study - which is stupid, i know. ESPECIALLY since the pandemic and the online classes, i don't even attend all classes anymore because they might end up asking me something and then i'll have to speak on my microphone -.-
BUT i hope they don't actually ask or check my grades somehow because focusing on studies is surely what i'll have to tell them i did the last 3 years.
I didn't learn anything about team work, but actually that's a good idea which never occured to me. They shouldn't really know how much of joke my uni is or how uninvolved i was with all the projects. Unless...someone graduated there and then went on a different path - i hope it won't be the case. 


Known said:


> Also if you get a telephone interview or a call from a prospective employer it’s ok to ask them to hold the line a second and then ask your boyfriend to leave the room so you can have some privacy . Just keep trying you can do this x


that still require talkin on the phone in the same room. saying "hello" is the hardest part of the call for me ladgf;aowdf
maybe i should just quickly run out my self and go on the block hallway, i don't know, would i even have time to do that

thank you again <33


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## BlueEyes1 (May 17, 2021)

I didn't get my first job till i was 22, and i still work at that same place today. I was a loner through highschool which just killed it for me socially and what probably turned my shyness into social anxiety. My parents divorced my senior year and so i was stuck living with my mom. She never pushed me to get a job in highschool or even after i graduated, aside from mentioning it a few times. I knew i needed to get a job but kept putting it off. I remember telling myself senior year towards graduation "ill take the next year off then i'll get a job" (never had any plans for college) Before i knew it years went by, all i did *every single day* was play a stupid mmorpg, i was ADDICTED. I literally spent 10+ hours a day on my computer playing that game. As i turned to my 20s i slowly started getting bored of said game and eventually just somehow mustered up the little amount of courage and i started researching for interviews, i looked up questions and answers, wrote then down, practied and finally yolo'd an application at a kroger grocery store. I was terrified of the interview, but then i got the interview and i'm not kidding you it was like 3 questions and the next thing i knew she started asking me which job i wanted and bam i was hired. Honestly stupid how simple it was. 

But as the years go on i still have regret that i didn't get a job sooner, if only i could tell my younger self that it wasn't hard after all. I would ignore your BF or even break up with him (as thats not someone i'd date, your SO should support what you want not tell you against it). 
Honestly you are only hurting yourself worse by not working. Sure you have some college but employers probably won't look too good at someone whose almost 30 and never worked.. Start with something easy like a grocery store, target, amazon etc. Then work your way up to something else... but for now you need to get experience!


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Hi - I sort of have an experience trying to constantly find work, with a story similar to yours - and being generally successful. To be fair, I'm not sure how much help outlining this would be to you, when your most immediate problem involves being able to answer the phone.

So I might instead help you know some aspects, including where I think you're doing good. This is kinda long, with no "tl:dr" , and so apologies for waffling - I've decided to respond to you as if you were one of my friends, and so apologies also if I'm "too" honest sometimes.


snow_drop said:


> So yeah, i finally ended up at a interview at 20 y/o. The interview was actually some sort of multi-choice quiz. Like i was asked a question and had to pick the most relevant answer for the question. "what are you looking for on a workplace? a)stability, b)understanding, c)...etc". but yea, they didn't want me. Despite getting the best result at the practical test i had to take before the interview. I just don't look normal. I'm nervous and act very stupid trying to talk and people just asume i can't do the job(despite the fact that the job doesn't involve talking). I felt crushed and just cried the whole day because..i couldn't believe it. I thought everyone means everyone. I guess i'm not a human, then.


Well – your parents may come from an era of an “employee’s market”. Fact is in most countries now (especially since the 2008 crash), it is normally an employer’s market. That means there is high demand for jobs and, even if everybody was perfectly suited, the employer cannot employ everyone. They might have even needed to flip a coin.

Nowadays, any “zero-skill” would either be automated, voluntary or merged into another job position, in order to be economic. Low-skill jobs actually do require some skill, personal attribute or even a particular situation (the low-skilled jobs where they’d employ any random person are usually are 100% commission based). Particularly if you’re a fresh high school graduate, your future prospects make it’s difficult for an employer not to assume you won’t just leave once you’ve found a better opportunity – which would be costly to that employer.

You seem quite certain that your reason for not getting this job relates to your nervousness/ acting. Was it the interviewer who gave you this feedback, and did they also say that it was for this reason that you didn’t get the job? Also – are you saying that you are, generally speaking, better than the person who did get the job?



snow_drop said:


> Then i got into a semi-long distance relationship. I thought...okay, that's it. I have now the perfect motivation to try hard to get a job and move out of my hometown(which i hate). I just need his support. But he wasn't supportive about the idea. At all. What he wanted was for me to go to college/faculty...
> But i didn't really want to break up with him, so i did what he wanted. Ofc, since i never thought about it, i had no idea what degree to choose, so i just picked something...seemingly random and 100% not suitable for my personality. And didn't even get it on the first try, so i did an even more random degree for 1 year, before finally starting the degree that i "wanted"
> And every time i'd mention the fact that i should get job i would end up arguing with my boyfriend for various stupid reasons. He says i need to focus on studying, i say i can't do that before i get a job. He says that flexible or part-time jobs don't exist, i'm literally asking him if i can get a job IF I FIND ONE WITH A GOOD SCHEDULLE. he doesn't care, he just says they don't exist. he says he doesn't want to be associated with a fast food worker, while i'm trying to understand why is being associated with someone who is MUCH LESS than that okay. years later, he says he's never forbidden me anything and doesn't understand why i'm angry with him. Saying bad things about something i want to do is equal with have something be forbidden to me. I need support. I need to know my goals are being COMPLETELY alright, or i just can't. But yeah, these are just excuses, i guess.


Personally I don’t endorse “elitism” and think you are taking the best approach in wanting to look for work. Now with that being said… I’d have to agree with your boyfriend when he says he didn’t forbid you from doing anything. If you do indeed “need somebody to support your idea” then he was pretty open to you in saying he wasn’t looking to be that person. Most importantly, he let you know that he doesn’t want to even associate with a fast-food worker, let alone have one as a partner. So that’s his “deal-breaker” condition. As it turns you “didn't really want to break up with him, so [you] did what he wanted”.

You might want to consider taking responsibility for _choosing_ not to take up certain opportunities, and also deciding that going forward, you shouldn’t need approval from your boyfriend before taking opportunities that are beneficial to you. Doing so will aid your self-confidence in your job search.



snow_drop said:


> Does anyone have advice or is there someone who didn't have a job for a while after graduating high school, but finally got one and can tell me how they did it?🥺


Well personally, I actually think your situation makes you look very good as a candidate, if you’re just looking for a basic job while you’re studying. In fact, your situation can easily be spun into a great story (I’ve done this, which I’ll explain more shortly). The only potential risk, and one which I don’t think you’ve mentioned at all, is being seen as *over-qualified* for the position – though even this isn’t that big a factor if you’re still mid-way through your studies.

To be honest, from this point onwards your “terrible” high school grades are arguably irrelevant from an employer’s perspective, as they haven’t stopped you from moving onto a degree. Besides, assumedly these low-skilled jobs you are currently hoping for won’t require a degree, – as long as you don’t say your choice of degree was random, then your choice of college and course shouldn’t matter much at all.

The thing about your worries of being rejected due to “terrible” grades, questionable course choices, employment gaps, etc is this: when someone calls you up for an interview, it means they’ve read about these facts in your resume and have decided you still have good potential in spite of these “flaws”. Receiving a call in the first place already means you’ve beaten most of the people who applied for the job.

All you have to do for the interview is be able to use these aspects and spin them into positives. And I know this because I did do this for the last 3 positions I’ve got – and for each one, the bosses would admit that there were “more experienced”, “more qualified and “better presented” interviewees than myself. But they liked my story and determination, and decided to take a “wildcard” risk by recruiting me instead.

I know you wanted to ask us what our experiences were, and may want to know more about my story – I’m fine to share if you want. But I feel none of our experiences will help much, as your biggest challenge is managing to take up the call for the interview invite. So I know it’s hard for you, but I think in response to @Known it has to be you who will try being positive and also trying to commit to overcoming your phone issues. If you could do that, I could then perhaps provide some tips.

Also, it’s really best to just start applying for jobs _right now_. Two immediate pieces of advice I can give is to be careful not to apply for lots of vacancies indiscriminately, and that you must commit yourself to always responding to callbacks, and never “ghosting” recruiters.

The good thing about job searches is that as long as you are making the effort to learn and adapt your approach, the more you’ll improve as a candidate – and so this should increase your chances of securing a _better_ job than those you go for initially.

By the way – you say you’re taking a very terrible course. I’m curious why you think this if indeed other people are also taking it. Do you mind if I ask what it is – and also if an interviewer asked why you chose that course, what would you tell them?


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

I graduated with an IEP diploma at age 19. I remember my High School special ed teacher said to me no one is born perfect, because of my grammar and spelling. At age 20, I created two websites and generated around 10,000 views each day. I made around $200 per day for promoting my sponsors. At age 22, someone reported my website as illegal content, and my host permanently banned my two websites. At age 23 and 24, I just did research studies and surveys. I just answer the moderator questions for the research study. At age 25, I had to volunteer at Jewish Communities for public assistance program. At age 26, I enrolled in community college.

Btw, I never had a career before.


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## CantGoOn (May 19, 2021)

I’ve blacklisted myself from so many local jobs and a lot of the remote positions went back into the office. I want to move back in with my family because the financial stress is just too much plus I hate this area.


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

BlueEyes1 said:


> I didn't get my first job till i was 22, and i still work at that same place today. I was a loner through highschool which just killed it for me socially and what probably turned my shyness into social anxiety. My parents divorced my senior year and so i was stuck living with my mom. She never pushed me to get a job in highschool or even after i graduated, aside from mentioning it a few times. I knew i needed to get a job but kept putting it off. I remember telling myself senior year towards graduation "ill take the next year off then i'll get a job" (never had any plans for college) Before i knew it years went by, all i did *every single day* was play a stupid mmorpg, i was ADDICTED. I literally spent 10+ hours a day on my computer playing that game. As i turned to my 20s i slowly started getting bored of said game and eventually just somehow mustered up the little amount of courage and i started researching for interviews, i looked up questions and answers, wrote then down, practied and finally yolo'd an application at a kroger grocery store. I was terrified of the interview, but then i got the interview and i'm not kidding you it was like 3 questions and the next thing i knew she started asking me which job i wanted and bam i was hired. Honestly stupid how simple it was.
> 
> But as the years go on i still have regret that i didn't get a job sooner, if only i could tell my younger self that it wasn't hard after all. I would ignore your BF or even break up with him (as thats not someone i'd date, your SO should support what you want not tell you against it).
> Honestly you are only hurting yourself worse by not working. Sure you have some college but employers probably won't look too good at someone whose almost 30 and never worked.. Start with something easy like a grocery store, target, amazon etc. Then work your way up to something else... but for now you need to get experience!


Thank you <33
i love how similar this
no friends in school
being in need of break after graduating
knowing you need a job but putting it off for various reasons
my parents didn't divorce, but i've often wished they
wishing you would have gotten a job sooner
didn't have hobby(yes, addiction, but it still sounds like a hobby to me) though
i guess being 22 is sort of comparable with being 25 and having studied for the past 3 years? i'm not sure. kinda
ok ofc being 22 is preferable, but just saying. i don't know
definitely gotta do something before i turn 26
so did the grocery store not ask you haven't worked yet?


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

macky said:


> You seem quite certain that your reason for not getting this job relates to your nervousness/ acting. Was it the interviewer who gave you this feedback, and did they also say that it was for this reason that you didn’t get the job? Also – are you saying that you are, generally speaking, better than the person who did get the job?
> 
> 
> Personally I don’t endorse “elitism” and think you are taking the best approach in wanting to look for work. Now with that being said… I’d have to agree with your boyfriend when he says he didn’t forbid you from doing anything. If you do indeed “need somebody to support your idea” then he was pretty open to you in saying he wasn’t looking to be that person. Most importantly, he let you know that he doesn’t want to even associate with a fast-food worker, let alone have one as a partner. So that’s his “deal-breaker” condition. As it turns you “didn't really want to break up with him, so [you] did what he wanted”.
> ...


was long indeed, but so was my post, so that's okay - actually highly appreciated
thank you for taking time to write all that <33
and ayy, i'm being considered a friend, cool

yes, the interviewer did say they rejected me because i seem too insecure, nervous and that they don't think i could handle such a stressful environment/working with so many people. i was once suggested that i should try a workplace with fewer employees. i also got told that i should see a psychologist..

no, i don't think i'm better than the person who got to job. but honestly i don't think i have enough information to compare. i don't know _exactly_ what the job involves. just briefly

i know it's my fault for being where i am </3 i just"love" finding excuses to postpone important decisions. i need to stop doing that

it's not the high school grades i have a problem with right now - though i might've picked a different degree if i had the grades for it. it's just that...since a lot of university studens work, it's kinda assumed that if you don't you're either focused on studying and getting good grades....or you're lazy. or have rich parents(i don't). so i don't really have a good excuse for having bad grades. i did nothing with the time that i could've spent studying. :/ i look lazy

i guess you're right, the phone problem may, perhaps be a different discussion topic than this one about getting a job at an older age. Still, it gives me hope seeing that there are people that managed to get a job, despite not going hunting right after school. despite my additional age-unrelated issues.

"Also, it’s really best to just start applying for jobs _right now_." - i waited for the last 2 words for a lot of time. 🥺 thanks for saying that! and for saying to not apply to a lot of jobs at once.

by course do you mean degree? i didn't say the degree is terrible, just the particular university that i go to is + it's just not for me. why are other people studying here? because convenience(living in the particular city or close by, costs, etc) or they didn't manage to get into better universities because of their entrance exams grades/higher competition.
I'm studying nursing. Nothing wrong with that but by just looking at me it's obvious that it's not for me. And i feel like i look crazy when mentioning it to anyone. Besides, the courses are heavily theoretical. ESPECIALLY since the pandemic started. Like i'm soon finishing the 2nd year(2 more to go) and i legit don't even know how to do anything related to the job. I learned nothing. they didn't make us do anything. i hate it. i was hoping doing something "extreme" like that/putting myself way out of my comfort zone like that might help me, OR it would be too much and i'd be expelled or something/or quit. but...yeah, none of that happened. because apparently my nursing school experience is nothing like what i imagined/hoped it would be. so that's why i wish i wouldn't have to tell anyone about it...it's so stupid. and embarrasing. what i would say? god, i don't know.. but i was thinking about saying i had to take care of a sick relative, and i kinda liked it and decided to do that for a living, so i picked this degree...and like this sort of explain my gap and sound semi-believable, but i'm terrible at lying, so i might die trying to say that lol. but i guess it's better than not saying anything...i don't know really


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Is there any way you can move back in with family? Either that or ignore your boyfriend and live your life how you want. Easier said than done. But he's really jeopardizing your future. You sure he isn't afraid you'll leave him if you get a job? It just sounds weird. He should support you not hold you back.


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

caelle said:


> Is there any way you can move back in with family? Either that or ignore your boyfriend and live your life how you want. Easier said than done. But he's really jeopardizing your future. You sure he isn't afraid you'll leave him if you get a job? It just sounds weird. He should support you not hold you back.


i have no intention in moving back. and it wouldn't really help either
yes, it's weird, but it's just...his ideology about how things should be - i don't get it at all, but it's just what it is
i know i technically should've just tried doing what i feel like i should do and see what happens, but i was afraid
thank you for the reply <3


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## zork20001 (Aug 8, 2016)

I have had a lot of crappy minimum wage jobs while I was going through school from 16 to 24. At 24 I went into The Air Force and finally got trained in IT so the rest is history.

First job at 16 was a dishwasher at a Restaurant in the Mall called Furs. The reason I applied was because I had a friend at school slightly older that said he worked there and he was saying how much it sucked. I thought to myself you are pretty stupid so if you can do it than I can. The job did suck though so I quite after a couple months.
I than got a job at another restaurant called Village Inn bussing tables. They were very flexible about school Schedule Plus I got minimum wage and tips from the waitresses after the shift was over. I ended up staying there all through High School.
Going through college I had a job at the Front Desk of a King Soopers Grocery Store when you walk in.
I worked at Subway, 7-11, Holiday Inn front desk, got fired from trying to be a sever at an I-Hop. I did overnight stocking at Target.
The worst job I has was seasonal work packing boxes at a factory called Current, it was so boring standing in one spot for 10 hours a day putting **** into boxes that flew by you. I was so happy when they let us go at the end of the season, I was never going to do that again.

The point is don’t spend too much time working for minimum wage; they will get you no where they will make you no money and you won’t even put them on your resume.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

zork20001 said:


> The worst job I has was seasonal work packing boxes at a factory called Current, it was so boring standing in one spot for 10 hours a day putting **** into boxes that flew by you. I was so happy when they let us go at the end of the season, I was never going to do that again.
> 
> The point is don’t spend too much time working for minimum wage; they will get you no where they will make you no money and you won’t even put them on your resume.


I briefly worked at a CD/DVD packaging plant. Stood next to a conveyor belt and stuck the same stickers on CDs and DVDs as they went by. The Incredibles had just came out and I personally handled tens of thousands of copies and vowed to never watch it because of my experience there. 

Agreed on not wasting too much time working for minimum wage too. Do you what you gotta do to survive, but try to be moving towards something better.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Hi Snow_Temp. I know you may not have been expecting a reply, but still sorry if I’ve taken so long to respond that the situation has changed now. Hope things have been looking hopeful since.



snow_drop said:


> yes, the interviewer did say they rejected me because i seem too insecure, nervous and that they don't think i could handle such a stressful environment/working with so many people. i was once suggested that i should try a workplace with fewer employees. i also got told that i should see a psychologist..


Hmmm…. well it’s that good you sought feedback from the interviewer, as you’re at least collecting tips you can work towards (I’ll touch upon this further down). The other advice from elsewhere I might not value as much if it weren’t from an employer (or recruiter) – but nevertheless, thanks for sharing.


snow_drop said:


> no, i don't think i'm better than the person who got to job. but honestly i don't think i have enough information to compare. i don't know _exactly_ what the job involves. just briefly


I won’t go too deep into it, but a job vacancy that doesn’t fully clarify what it is is usually a red flag. But perhaps the info was there and you don’t remember, so that’s fine. No need to go into details now, as I’m sure we all wantto focus on the present.


snow_drop said:


> it's not the high school grades i have a problem with right now - though i might've picked a different degree if i had the grades for it. it's just that...since a lot of university studens work, *it's kinda assumed that if you don't you're either focused on studying and getting good grades....*or you're lazy. or have rich parents(i don't). so i don't really have a good excuse for having bad grades. i did nothing with the time that i could've spent studying. :/ i look lazy


Hopefully you understand that if the employer’s calling you for an interview, then they’ve already 100% accepted your choice of university, and are open to accepting the gap. Whether or not you were lazy before, that’s clearly not the case nowadays.

Main reasons why employers would ask about the gap (during the interview) may be to test how well you prepared for the interview, or whether you can handle pressure. It could also to help assure that you aren’t _hiding_ anything e.g. a job that you got fired from, getting kicked out of college – or even jail time!


snow_drop said:


> i guess you're right, the phone problem may, perhaps be a different discussion topic than this one about getting a job at an older age. Still, it gives me hope seeing that there are people that managed to get a job, despite not going hunting right after school. despite my additional age-unrelated issues.


Glad to hear you still see some hope. And it’s warranted hope as well.


snow_drop said:


> "Also, it’s really best to just start applying for jobs _right now_." - i waited for the last 2 words for a lot of time. 🥺 thanks for saying that! and for saying to not apply to a lot of jobs at once.


Your welcome.

Elsewhere you focus on insecurities regarding your nursing studies (funny, I had an ex that studied for nursing. She certainly didn’t find it easy, so I can emphasise).

Because these day-to-day nursing insecurities wouldn’t affect your application for a non-nursing job… I just have this query: in the immediate short-term _are you_ looking a just a job in general, or are you only aiming to get a nursing-related position?

If you are focused on getting a nursing job specifically, in this case it _would_ be a case of “the more applications the better”.


snow_drop said:


> by course do you mean degree? i didn't say the degree is terrible, just the particular university that i go to is + it's just not for me. why are other people studying here? because convenience(living in the particular city or close by, costs, etc) or they didn't manage to get into better universities because of their entrance exams grades/higher competition.


Well my story’s slightly different - finishing uni with a bad grade and, after years of being stuck in a low-level job, started self-tutoring on a qualification irrelated to my degree. Literally just some textbooks I bought off Gumtree and Amazon, and going to exam centres. During this study time I lost that job, and an unemployment adviser recommended I remove “self-taught” from my resume so that I’d have a better chance of getting interviews.

I respectively declined to follow his advice. But I understand feeling like the least valuable of job seekers, and so now realise we ourselves have to be our biggest cheerleaders. It was very fortunate that I pushed for having this mindset as, like I said before, it made me stick out for the right reasons.


snow_drop said:


> so that's why i wish i wouldn't have to tell anyone about it...it's so stupid. and embarrasing. what i would say? god, i don't know.. but i was thinking about saying i had to take care of a sick relative, and i kinda liked it and decided to do that for a living, so i picked this degree...and like this sort of explain my gap and sound semi-believable, but i'm terrible at lying, so i might die trying to say that lol. but i guess it's better than not saying anything...i don't know really


Just wanna say I’m not endorsing usage of _mistruths_ in an interview: that’s up to you. But I think most people can understand how nervousness can massively hinder job interview success. Spending those years working on your confidence issues, and in the process citing nursing as a good career for helping the community (which you eventually found out would be difficult getting into without a degree) sounds quite plausible (feel free to ask if you feel this doesn’t cover something).

Either way – ideally you’ll be able to decide _now_ what your back story will be, so that you can be more comfortable with it, including preparing for any obvious follow-up questions. I feel this would make you much more comfortable when the interview happens, rather than making a decision only when an actual interview comes up.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

Tradespeople will always be in demand. Just sayin!


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

MCHB said:


> Tradespeople will always be in demand. Just sayin!


Same for driving jobs. High demand is an understatement even.


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

JH1983 said:


> Same for driving jobs. High demand is an understatement even.


I have a lot of respect for truckers! All of the stuff we build is rather large and modular and a lot of it is very wide, so a lot of the truckers have pilot vehicles! Coincidentally, I can build the stuff but you'd laugh your posterior off watching me try to back up a trailer!


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

macky said:


> Hi Snow_Temp. I know you may not have been expecting a reply, but still sorry if I’ve taken so long to respond that the situation has changed now. Hope things have been looking hopeful since.


hey..wow, ookay that's cool, it took me even more to reply(because of...various). No, the situation didn't change in any way, sadly(but gladly cause your comment still applies) since i've been focused on a different problem...which i still didn't fix, but..anyway


macky said:


> Hmmm…. well it’s that good you sought feedback from the interviewe


didn't seek anything, i just started crying lol, and they told me that, so...uh..


macky said:


> I won’t go too deep into it, but a job vacancy that doesn’t fully clarify what it is is usually a red flag.


it's not like that, you just can't tell how hard it is before you actually start doing it


macky said:


> Elsewhere you focus on insecurities regarding your nursing studies (funny, I had an ex that studied for nursing. She certainly didn’t find it easy, so I can emphasise).


well, i personally find it way way too easy. any idiot(hence, me too) could pass it. My uni is so stupid and useless. IIt doesn't make me do anything. It doesn't help me learn anything.-.


macky said:


> I just have this query: in the immediate short-term _are you_ looking a just a job in general, or are you only aiming to get a nursing-related position?


please explain me, in which way did i wrongly express myself so bad that it's not obvious that when i say job, i mean ANY job


macky said:


> I respectively declined to follow his advice. But I understand feeling like the least valuable of job seekers, and so now realise we ourselves have to be our biggest cheerleaders. It was very fortunate that I pushed for having this mindset as, like I said before, it made me stick out for the right reasons


you're awesome <3


macky said:


> Just wanna say I’m not endorsing usage of _mistruths_ in an interview: that’s up to you. But I think most people can understand how nervousness can massively hinder job interview success. Spending those years working on your confidence issues, and in the process citing nursing as a good career for helping the community (which you eventually found out would be difficult getting into without a degree) sounds quite plausible (feel free to ask if you feel this doesn’t cover something).


that's just as much of a lie as the example i gave. i did NOT work on my issues and i don't like taking care of people. yes, i'm stupid.
wait, doesn't almost everyone lie at job interviews? like claiming you want a job for random reasons, when most people who go to interviews just want to have money for basic needs? cause a job is a necessity, not a hobby. And i obviously have to lie to say i think i'm a good fit for the job, while i, in fact, don't think i'm good at anything -.- But yes, indeed, i do have to just figure out my story and think about it untill it feels like it actually happened. Or find a non-terrible way to say the actual truth. 
Thank you again for all your words, time and advice 🧡


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

RickKays said:


> In text, you should write all your benefits and skills. Specify strengths and weaknesses . You can use resumereviewservice.com, if your student, and it's your first resume or use service benefits if you have work experience.


I have no benefits, skills, strengths, and(as seen it the very title?) no work experience
i'm sorry


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

snow_drop said:


> please explain me, in which way did i wrongly express myself so bad that it's not obvious that when i say job, i mean ANY job


Considering how often people respond with overly-generic advice or make unconfirmed assumptions, I try instead to remove any possible misinterpretations on my part, like I would in a real-life conversation.

Seeing as you were sharing, in detail, deficiencies in your nursing education that would nevertheless not be relevant to 99% of the "any jobs" out there, this made me wonder if you were instead referring to a nursing job specifically. If you want to take this as meaning that you are "expressing yourself so bad" then that is up to you.

So would me doing this be a problem - because this approach of wanting to make sure I understand correctly is something I'd be prone to doing again? 

If not then I'll be happy to respond to the rest of your post


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

@snow_drop 
I am 38 and apart from a few day to day jobs I have never worked, no experience at all. I also never thought about my future, I didn’t care for school either though I finished college just to please my parents. I also just assumed I would find a job when I needed one and like you 1 year became two years etc. I have now graduated 13 years ago and my total work experience is less than a week. I routinely failed interviews the first couple of years after graduating. Now since about 5 years, could be longer, lost track of time I have not made any attempt to get my professional life on track.

So there are parallels between you and me though I’d say I am in a more dire situation. Quite frankly I don’t know if I will ever find a job because after all those years I need a lot of courage ( i am working on that though). Sadly I can not help you but if you want to vent or talk I am a good listener. Lets hope we both get our lives on track soon enough!

PS this thread and the responses scare the hell out of me. It feels like I really failed in my life compared to most other people who also suffer from SA. I have never been very courageous. 38… time sure hasn’t stood still. So if you feel at your worst just remember there is always someone even more worse off lol.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Hey @Socialmisfits, don't feel bad. I am 38 and haven't worked since I was 18. I do have other mental health issues besides SA but you're not alone. I was recently offered a position at this place I go to for mental health as a peer-mentor. It would be in the future, but the person who runs the center asked me if I would ever consider it, for which we agreed I'd wait a while. This is something I'd never expected. I too thought I was headed nowhere with my "professional life." I was thinking about becoming a tattoo artist at first but deep down it's not what I wanted, then out of nowhere this opportunity appears and it's something I would have never considered myself doing because I doubt myself a lot, but now it's like a dream come true.

Anyway, my point is not to make you feel bad, just to give you an example that it's never too late you never know what could happen. You just need to expose yourself to opportunities.


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## Socialmisfits (May 14, 2021)

@Starcut83 thanks man, hope you will do fine once you start the job. I am not surprised he offered you a job like that, you always are very helpful and understanding here. So it seems suitable for you, you’re a top guy!

I have an idea or two for myself but I really feel not ready yet. Once my head is clear and my body is physically ready I hope to take the plunge. I am working on that and despite my lingering uncertainties and insecurities I feel a lot better now than last year and the years before. I am sure I can turn my life around one day.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

@Socialmisfits Thank you. ☺

Sometimes we can forget to look back and see how far we've come. That's great you can see you're doing better year by year. I like the confidence in your last sentence. It's never too late.😊


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## Known (May 9, 2021)

Starcut83 said:


> @Socialmisfits Thank you. ☺
> 
> Sometimes we can forget to look back and see how far we've come. That's great you can see you're doing better year by year. I like the confidence in your last sentence. It's never too late.😊


This is so nice - you’d two should be friends too if not already as think are good encouragement to each other. It’s good to hear too about the job @Starcut83 sounds perfect for you.Very true to remember that it’s never too late and to consider how far you’ve come @Socialmisfits that is an encouragement to other people too 👍


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## 3 AM (Mar 29, 2014)

Socialmisfits said:


> I am 38 and apart from a few day to day jobs I have never worked, no experience at all. I also never thought about my future, I didn’t care for school either though I finished college just to please my parents. I also just assumed I would find a job when I needed one and like you 1 year became two years etc.
> 
> Quite frankly I don’t know if I will ever find a job because after all those years I need a lot of courage.
> 
> PS this thread and the responses scare the hell out of me. It feels like I really failed in my life compared to most other people who also suffer from SA.


Finally, something i can relate to to a T. Special shout out to @Starcut83 for the words of encouragement.


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

macky said:


> Considering how often people respond with overly-generic advice or make unconfirmed assumptions, I try instead to remove any possible misinterpretations on my part, like I would in a real-life conversation.
> 
> Seeing as you were sharing, in detail, deficiencies in your nursing education that would nevertheless not be relevant to 99% of the "any jobs" out there, this made me wonder if you were instead referring to a nursing job specifically. If you want to take this as meaning that you are "expressing yourself so bad" then that is up to you.
> 
> ...


Okay, so went back to read my post/s(ouch, my eyes) and indeed, i could have made it more clear. I guess see why me complaining about the school might make you think i'm interested in the field, but i was just saying the past years would feel less wasted if the school would've been the way i hoped it would be. 
And sorry, i just happen to blow up when i come across people who talk about entry-level job as if they're not actual job. I reckon this not the reason you asked that, but it reminded me of those people and..well...yeah.
Anyway, it's alright, that's not much to reply to. You tried enough. Now, i just need to somehow(don't know how), push myself to try to do what i should do.. I'm coming at the conclusion that overthinking every single aspect of getting a job isn't helpful untill i, at least manage to make myself send some applications -.-
Once again, i'm sorry and thank you <3


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

@Socialmisfits 
It's nice(and sad) finding people you have those kinds of things in common. I don't really know what to say.. Thank you for the reply. 
I wish you good luck and all the courage you need<3


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

@Starcut83 
I don't know what a peer mentor is, but since this person offered you that job, it means they think you're a good fit, so that's awesome
Good luck <3


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Thanks Snow Drop. To be honest, there were a lot of thoughts in my head on this that I was going to skip. But then I just decided to just write one long message that gets it all out there. Feel free to read it if you want, but don’t feel you need to respond right away or even read in one sitting. I’m fine either way. But if anything confuses you or you want to know more, it's hoped you'll feel it's okay to ask me to get further clarify on anything I've said. 

So for now – good luck!



”snow_drop” said:


> Anyway well, i personally find it way way too easy. any idiot(hence, me too) could pass it. My uni is so stupid and useless. IIt doesn't make me do anything. It doesn't help me learn anything.


When you say “pass”, are the only possible grades a “Pass” or a “Fail” (if so, what % is the pass rate)? If it is there a level-based grading system, what grade are you referring to that anybody can pass? it? Would a pass look good on your resume if you did the same degree at a “good” university?

The last question is quite important. From my understanding, the payoff you are getting is a resume-boosting degree, and an explanation for what you have been doing in recent years. Since you didn’t want to be a nurse, the degree itself is serving its original purpose (satisfying your boyfriend) and giving a lot more benefits.

With your lack of confidence in your own intelligence, being stuck and struggling through some degree for a subject you don’t have much interest in would have been not only demotivating… but also giving you little flexibility for taking up other opportunities – including work. This could easily have been a “nurse or nothing” situation. Instead, I’m guessing the ease of this course means you have excess time, energy and flexibility – all of which can be put into expanding your skillset through self-tutoring (yes, there are plenty of skills you can pick up online), and even some volunteering work, in order to boost your resume – and give you more flexibility for what job you can take. All the while, your degree is virtually on auto-pilot (and there are ways you can enhance your nursing education in spite of your university quality – feel free to ask).

So in spite of how it may feel, you are now probably in your best position ever for changing your life. You’ll have a degree, a resume gap-filler, opportunities to expand your skillset (demonstrating motivation and initiative, as well as the actual skill), and the positive associations of being a nurse.

Not sure if this would help, but perhaps you can ask yourself (without sharing with us if you want) what your life would be different had you decided not to take this degree, that you feel you are now missing out on (I wouldn’t count “choose a better degree/ university”, only because you wasn’t keen on getting a degree in the first place: dithering over which degree to follow with this mindset would more likely have resulted in you making no decision at all).



”snow_drop” said:


> wait, doesn't almost everyone lie at job interviews?


Well, it seems you’ve heard from somewhere that everybody lies during interviews. it’s true most people’s intentions are to get the job (and also find out more about the job itself), and so they must present themselves most positively – and so just have to view themselves in a more positive outlook.

But no, most people don’t feel a need to lie extensively, and that is because they do feel that they have value to bring to the employer. Researching the company and job role allows them to determine which skills of their experiences and attributes are worth highlighting and developing - but these wouldn’t be “random reasons”.



> like claiming you want a job for random reasons, when most people who go to interviews just want to have money for basic needs?cause a job is a necessity, not a hobby.


There’s a difference between “a job” and getting “a job you’d like to work at”, and the latter does not mean “hobby”. People for example don’t go through university with the end goal of just getting “a job that pays for basic needs”. And many job-seekers are already in full employment with their basic needs already met.

But as you know, your basic needs are not the reasons why a company would recruit you, and it’s their needs that determine whether you get the job. An interview invitation normally indicates high confidence that you’re able to do the job. But as to whether they choose you for the job I think depends on two main factors: what value you can bring to the company, and what your motives are for wanting to join the company. So if you are confused why employers reject people for jobs that “anyone can do”, then please note the following:

* Applicant’s value:* generally speaking – the more people available there are that fits a particular job’s requirements, the less pressure there is for the employer to recruit any random person that happens fits that criteria. So for jobs that “anyone” can do therefore, employers can afford to be far more picky.

* Applicant’s Motives:* Now most people do hold some attraction towards positions they are applying for, and so the employer is more assured that they would stay for the long term. But they are very cautious of people who show unfussiness over what job they are applying for, and so they become keen to further clarify what drove them to apply for the job.

There are reasons that the employer would be comfortable with, but a _desperate and urgent_ need for income would be seen as the most high-risk to recruit, in particular because they’d show the least reason for wanting to _commit_ to the job and company. If the job is in fact one that anyone can do, the employer is even less inclined to take on such risky recruits.

So bringing this to your own situation - if you were to choose to portray yourself as someone who’s only interest is paying enough for basic needs would put you then this does put you in the “urgent need for income” category. Portraying yourself as having zero value only serves to make you uncompetitive. And this would be for job positions where employers would have the most options and can afford to be the most picky about who they choose.

So no – if you feel that the above paragraph represents yourself accurately then being 100% truthful in your case will not work in your favour - if your intention is to secure a job. BUT…. you in particular have one huge advantage….

Your current studies mean that you have the benefit of the image that you are busy and so just need a steady income, and not looking to make ambitious career progressions in the short-term. This gives assurance to the hiring company that you’ll be committed to the job for quite a while. Conversely, if you were just currently doing nothing – convincing employers that you’d be committed would be quite difficult. Hence, I’m sure your nursing degree will likely play a huge part in the manager’s decisions to invite you to an interview.

Researching the company also allows you to find aspects that can honestly resonate with you, and provide company values you can honestly contribute towards. Again - having no skills is something you can rectifiable *today* right now, by acquiring new skills and in the process, demonstrating commitment and focus.

By the way – the fact you had hopes for the university shows that you do have standards, expectations and ambitions. Simply passing is not something you find satisfactory. These are very positive values to have, that an employer would benefit from.



”snow_drop” said:


> And i obviously have to lie to say i think i'm a good fit for the job, while i, in fact, don't think i'm good at anything -.-


 Note that if the employer already knows about your lack of experience and still invites you for an interview, they probably think you deserve a break and that, if given the chance, you’ll make all the effort you can in order to learn and fit into the role.

Interestingly, if you tell the interviewer that you don’t believe you are good at anything, and that you haven’t been doing much to rectify that, they probably wouldn’t believe you. Nevertheless, and for various other reasons, you making that statement would pretty much make you unrecruitable.

And so what you tell the interviewer is up to you. Though perplexed as to why you applied in the first place, ultimately employers will be 100% in favour of you telling the truth, as that is because they are working in their best interests.



”snow_drop” said:


> But yes, indeed, i do have to just figure out my story and think about it untill it feels like it actually happened. Or find a non-terrible way to say the actual truth.


It does look like bending the truth in some places would help you reassure the interviewers.

It’s highly probable you’ll be asked why you chose nursing (even if you are applying for an unrelated job). Their perceptions may be very positive, and influence their perception of yourself as a person and the implied attributes you have. The actual truth (from what you’ve been saying in this thread) is hugely different and hearing that may come like a punch in the gut to the interviewer positive perceptions about you. The contrast would prove too difficult to reconcile, and can in itself be detrimental to your chances of landing the job.

Now as you know, your goal in an interview is to secure a job. Interviews themselves may not come by often, and so you want to be making the best of every opportunity.

To have a story prepared, I’d recommend breaking it down into past, present and future. By this I mean the following: Past = what you’ve done in your life that’s led you to this point; Present = whatever circumstances from the past that have changed, for which happen to explain why you are taking this job; Future = your future aims, which could include skill development, for which should happen to be able to contribute towards.

I understand this may be very difficult to think up – if you want, I could give an example, based on a job position you can suggest.

For everything else, keep it simple – and display a perspective that works in your favour, always going for the glass-half-full approach. But ultimately, you yourself have to be your biggest supporter – something that thankfully you now seem to be acknowledging.

Speaking of which…



”snow_drop” said:


> that's just as much of a lie as the example i gave. i did NOT work on my issues and i don't like taking care of people. yes, i'm stupid.


If at any point in the past decade, you’ve looked up _any_ advice on managing anxiety, panic attacks, or how on how to get a job, or if you’ve pushed yourself into doing something you were anxious to do, or if you’ve offered any help or support to people on forum, then the above quote is not quite true. Just once is all you need.

It certainly isn’t as much a lie as saying you looked after a specific person (which I wouldn’t mind personally, but it’s just more difficult to maintain something so specific).



”snow_drop” said:


> didn't seek anything, i just started crying lol, and they told me that, so...uh..


I’m sorry to hear of that experience. If the feedback was given after you started crying (assumedly in front of them), then their conclusions and final decision were… not too surprising.

Honestly, anyone who gets overwhelmed emotionally to the point of crying would have difficulty securing the job, but this would likely be more to do with the worry of you been overwhelmed to the point of quitting your job, rather than your actual capabilities of doing the job.

And nevertheless it was _beneficial_ feedback, because normally interviewers wouldn’t need to take the risk of giving such honest feedback, and you'd instead get something very generic. And knowing this can allow you to prepare for how to manage this in the future.



”snow_drop” said:


> it's not like that, you just can't tell how hard it is before you actually start doing it


There’s a difference between knowing how hard a job is, and knowing _what_ it actually entails. Researching the position can give you some insight, and also prepare yourself for the position, to allow smoother transition into the role.



”snow_drop” said:


> And sorry, i just happen to blow up when i come across people who talk about entry-level job as if they're not actual job. I reckon this not the reason you asked that, but it reminded me of those people and..well...yeah.


Well agreed, I would never count an entry level jobs as a non-job. As you say, my question was more to do with trying to understand why there was much focus on the quality of nursing education, which wouldn’t be required for any job (more on this later).


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