# Really frustrated with dating sites



## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

I am just floored at how difficult it is to snag a date on a dating sites. It's so hard to connect with a normal person. I'm going to post some of the conversations I've had with people, can you please tell me what I'm doing wrong?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Convo #1. Via text


Guy: Hi kathryn, it's Daniel from POF
Me: Hey, what are you up to?
Guy: about to go to class....hbu.
Me: I'm sorry, but could you remind me what your username was?
I'm getting ready to go home for the weekend.
Guy: nvm, not interested. Please don't text me


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Convo # 2

Me:
Hello there =) I see that you like Stanley Kubrick and Sofia Coppola..


Guy:
I do! Lost in Translation and the Virgin Suicides are great, and I love Kubrick's 2001: a Space Odyssey and Dr. Strangelove. It's hard to pick favorites among Kubrick movies, though.  



Me:
Yea, I love those movies as well =) Are you a frequent moviegoer? Have you seen a movie called Drive?


Guy:
I haven't actually kept up with new releases recently, but I to try to keep on top of classics. I haven't seen Drive, but I have heard about it from a few friends. Pretty good?


Me:
I like the classics as well...also Indie films =) 
it was a great movie....a very nice soundtrack. 
So how would you describe your personality?


Guy:
Hm.. well I suppose I'm a fairly quiet person, but I open up around my close friends. I love reading. I'm fascinated by the world around me — I love learning. I'm a pretty open-minded person, and I'm fairly laid back, despite the amount of work I do. That's kind of a difficult question — how are you supposed to describe a personality in a short bit of text? :/ hah.

Me:
Haha...you can use as many words as you like to describe yourself.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

At least your getting some response. You wanna try being a guy on a dating site.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Cnvo # 3

Guy:
You are cute so what made you want to become a nurse? My sister is one and loves it.

Me:
Well I volunteered at a hospital in high school and decided it would be the job for me.

Guy:
Cool. Are you into kinky stuff?


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

1st guy: He felt you didn't care for him and just left seeing it was hard for you to remember his username.

2nd Guy: He didn't like how it seemed you didn't understand your response back and simply decided to move on to someone else who could understand him.

3rd Guy: RANDOM PERVERTED COMMENT, no one likes that....


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Me~
Hello. I saw you in my quiver and figured I'd say hello. So you like Economics? I took AP Econ in high school, it was pretty tough butI passed with a 4
Feb 15

cchame
Yeah! It's a weird subject because it either clicks with you or you hate it. I don't like the more...mathy parts. Like anything macro or optimization. I like behavioral economics, which is kinda the crossover with psychology. It studies how individuals make decisions, and individuals usually make decisions that don't really mesh well with what traditional economic models assume they do.
Feb 16

Me~
After you learn the basics it's pretty much the same thing over and over...and that's exactly why I liked it in high school haha.
Feb 18

me~
So what are you doing this weekend?
Feb 20

Him~
Hey! Just hanging in the emergency room apparently. Chest pains. Tomorrow I'm heading out to the beach for a birthday party. You?​
Feb 24

Me~
Wow that sounds bad. 
I went to beast feast today, have you ever been to it?


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Guy 4th: unsympathetic response.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Him:
i was just eating at shands the other day watching the nursing students get out of class, and i said to myself, i need to find a cute nursing student one of these days lol 
Me:
Haha. I spend a lot of time at shands.
Him:
do you want to have lunch at shands this weekend?
Me:
Sure.. my number is ___ - ____
Him:
texts me to say hi, I reply and he never replies again.


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm not sure why you're upset, you are having several conversations. When I'm on there its like I don't exist. I'll sit there, send out several messages. They'll look at my pictures and never reply. Ahhahaha-hahaha... _(hysterical laugh)_


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Him:
> i was just eating at shands the other day watching the nursing students get out of class, and i said to myself, i need to find a cute nursing student one of these days lol
> Me:
> Haha. I spend a lot of time at shands.
> ...


What did you reply?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

AnxiousA said:


> What did you reply?


 I just said something like, "hey, what's up?"


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

2nd guy doesn't seem so bad. Internet dating sucks though.


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## Don Gio (Dec 14, 2011)

I never understood dating sites.
i didn't know so many SASR's are on them,i hate blind dates
and i don't like to meet girlfriends that way.
I understand SA sufferers have a much harder time to meet people,but unless
it's a dating site for fellow anxiety suffers,i don't see the point.
i can't imagine finding love on the internet.
that's just me,friendships fine,but love,never experienced it.


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## Sadr00008 (Mar 9, 2012)

just try and try sweetie.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Here's some most recent of mine:

Me: Wow, were you in that movie Boogie Nights or a ripoff version of it? I have lots of cash.

Her: I have never been in a movie, I am a terrible actress.

Me: Oh, mistaken identity. I'm sure you're real, and authentic at life, if that makes any sense.

AND:

Me: Grammar. Promises. Words. Lies. Everyone has a cat in the suburbs, I want mine too. You want to play games, I want to play go fish.

Her: I have little tolerance for games, except for maybe Bananagrams.

Me: Well, I am a disaster at games. I rather spend my time looking for ways out.

AND: 

Me: Hey. Zero percent intolerance. I mean enemy. I work for a Corporation. Fear.

Her: Fear and loathing in Fairfax, eh?

Me: Sometimes I traverse the mean streets of Rockville. Oh, and I do spend time in the DC metro area, but that's beside the point. 

AND: 

Me: Rarr.

Her: pardon?

Me: Oh, I honestly have no idea. Where did that come from, I do not know?


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## TheOutsider (Mar 4, 2010)

I would never have the bawls to date. So good luck, and yes, just keep trying. You'll eventually find someone who you'll mesh with.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Kathykook said:


> Convo # 2
> 
> Me:
> Hello there =) I see that you like Stanley Kubrick and Sofia Coppola..
> ...





Kathykook said:


> Me~
> Hello. I saw you in my quiver and figured I'd say hello. So you like Economics? I took AP Econ in high school, it was pretty tough butI passed with a 4
> Feb 15
> 
> ...





Kathykook said:


> Him:
> i was just eating at shands the other day watching the nursing students get out of class, and i said to myself, i need to find a cute nursing student one of these days lol
> Me:
> Haha. I spend a lot of time at shands.
> ...


What's the problem with these? Sounds perfectly normal to me. The last one was unresponsive, but that's not unusual. Maybe he found someone else, or just got busy with something. Just keep having conversations; you'll find someone eventually. See if you can get some action with that movie guy. Heart attack guy seems promising too. From my perspective, you don't seem to be doing anything wrong talking-wise.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Yeah, some of these aren't great but that's inevitable. What's wrong with the ones posted above? And is it fair to post these conversations for everyone here to see?


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

Those sites are pretty pointless, I've talked to several people for over 200 messages, but it never leads to anything, and we both eventually stop saying stuff. The conversation just dies.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Try to get back in contact with the other guys, but you made a big mistake in the first conversation. If you can't remember a guy's username, than to him, it's obvious that he isn't very important to you. A guy sometimes has to send about 50 messages before getting a reply, so once he does, it's a big deal. To you, he may be just another guy, but to him, you're special to some degree because at least you replied.


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## LuxAeterna (Aug 13, 2010)

I totally understand.

I was in the dating scene for several months. Went on a lot of dates. Some were interesting, others were meh. Some really good experiences. Lots of interesting people, definitely. As far as dating sites, OKC was more my style. It's where I met my boyfriend. We clicked instantly. At the time I met him I was pretty discouraged and just whatever about the whole thing. Good thing he found me.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Guy # 2 is a drug addict

Guy # 1 just texted me today....he asked me for nude pics and a hook up


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## quietmusicman (Feb 3, 2012)

Story of my life. I hate how i never get responses and ****  it makes me feel unattractive and unloved


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

I love dating sites. They are the bees knees. I mean, where else can you go and find interesting people you probably would never find elsewhere? It's really wonderful you can click and point and chat with people so easily. To think 15yrs ago, we didn't have all these online avenues to meet people. 

In my opinion, there are always going to be a few bad apples on every site. The same can go for a bar, or a club, with a few people who might approach who are too much to bear. Its easy to let emotions generalize and skew your thoughts and ideas on dating sites. Rejection hurts, in any form. I mean, the main reason we use them is to find someone to connect with, and ultimately be with them in the form of a relationship, at least the majority of people here. Its something we all need at some point in our lives, no? The issue is unfortunately, using online dating is the ONLY means on finding a significant other, well, you have other online social avenues, but yeah. Its almost to the tune of putting all your money in one stock. Its too bad the market sucks.

For someone with social anxiety, we are the minority on these dating sites. Finding like minded people might sound more difficult, but in actuality, you could find someone you can connect with, as the type of personalities on them are diverse. Maybe keeping an open mind, being true to your personality, and just diversifying your ways of meeting new people as friends, as well as potential partners will help you on the way to finding that person you can call your significant other.


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## quietmusicman (Feb 3, 2012)

rdrr said:


> I love dating sites. They are the bees knees. I mean, where else can you go and find interesting people you probably would never find elsewhere? It's really wonderful you can click and point and chat with people so easily. To think 15yrs ago, we didn't have all these online avenues to meet people.
> 
> In my opinion, there are always going to be a few bad apples on every site. The same can go for a bar, or a club, with a few people who might approach who are too much to bear. Its easy to let emotions generalize and skew your thoughts and ideas on dating sites. Rejection hurts, in any form. I mean, the main reason we use them is to find someone to connect with, and ultimately be with them in the form of a relationship, at least the majority of people here. Its something we all need at some point in our lives, no? The issue is unfortunately, using online dating is the ONLY means on finding a significant other, well, you have other online social avenues, but yeah. Its almost to the tune of putting all your money in one stock. Its too bad the market sucks.
> 
> For someone with social anxiety, we are the minority on these dating sites. Finding like minded people might sound more difficult, but in actuality, you could find someone you can connect with, as the type of personalities on them are diverse. Maybe keeping an open mind, being true to your personality, and just diversifying your ways of meeting new people as friends, as well as potential partners will help you on the way to finding that person you can call your significant other.


How long have you been on the sites? also what sites you use?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

quietmusicman said:


> How long have you been on the sites? also what sites you use?


The same sites that everyone else uses.


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## Paperwings (Mar 6, 2012)

Okcupid seems way better than POF, at least, in interface.
Not to mention the random quizzes, entertaining 
I actually got advice from someone on here, use interesting pictures, seems to work.
Also, advice from me, I've seen way too many profiles that look like job applications, be creative and somewhat humorous - within your personality, within the first day I got messages from 2 girls now I'm actively talking to (still on the site, I'm gonna trust my gut if I ask someone out ) I didn't think women sent messages first, hah. Could have been because my profile was new, but I'm in a highly populated area, I don't know.

having some interesting conversations so far, and I've sent like 4 messages out to different people and have yet to get a reply to 3, but still.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

rdrr said:


> I love dating sites. They are the bees knees. I mean, where else can you go and find interesting people you probably would never find elsewhere? It's really wonderful you can click and point and chat with people so easily. To think 15yrs ago, we didn't have all these online avenues to meet people.
> 
> In my opinion, there are always going to be a few bad apples on every site. The same can go for a bar, or a club, with a few people who might approach who are too much to bear. Its easy to let emotions generalize and skew your thoughts and ideas on dating sites. Rejection hurts, in any form. I mean, the main reason we use them is to find someone to connect with, and ultimately be with them in the form of a relationship, at least the majority of people here. Its something we all need at some point in our lives, no? The issue is unfortunately, using online dating is the ONLY means on finding a significant other, well, you have other online social avenues, but yeah. Its almost to the tune of putting all your money in one stock. Its too bad the market sucks.
> 
> For someone with social anxiety, we are the minority on these dating sites. Finding like minded people might sound more difficult, but in actuality, you could find someone you can connect with, as the type of personalities on them are diverse. Maybe keeping an open mind, being true to your personality, and just diversifying your ways of meeting new people as friends, as well as potential partners will help you on the way to finding that person you can call your significant other.


Since when were the majority of people are dating sites interesting? 99% of them are identical to each other with generic profiles. Really, how many people need to say they are "career driven, love hanging out with friends, and love sports?"


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Since when were the majority of people are dating sites interesting? 99% of them are identical to each other with generic profiles. Really, how many people need to say they are "career driven, love hanging out with friends, and love sports?"


I never said the majority are, but there are interesting people. Well what do you expect them to be, negative or depressing? The actual date doesn't happen on the site. If it seems profiles are identical it's maybe because 99 percent of people desire the same thing, and if that's being 'generic'.... The whole generic thing is a blatant sense of hubris, to spark a potential partners interest, to get a date and actually find out more about them and what makes them unique, and therefore attractive. But what's wrong with that?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, I'm horrible with messaging guys on dating sites. I usually take a week or two (or more) to respond because it's too much pressure to come up with what to say. I got a nasty response from one guy recently because of that. He said that it's funny that people join dating sites because of their busy lives but then don't have the time to even send a message and sorry, but I'm looking for someone that does have time. oooops....oh well... should have known. He had something like "not looking for any negative Nancies" on his profile.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Yeah, I'm horrible with messaging guys on dating sites. I usually take a week or two (or more) to respond because it's too much pressure to come up with what to say. I got a nasty response from one guy recently because of that. He said that it's funny that people join dating sites because of their busy lives but then don't have the time to even send a message and sorry, but I'm looking for someone that does have time. oooops....oh well... should have known. He had something like "not looking for any negative Nancies" on his profile.


Wow, that is a long time to send a message! It's interesting how people develop "thick skin" with dating, even the smaller details of it all. It kind of shows you that it's a learning and evolving process for people. I remember when I was in your position. Pressure adds to compliance and then to learning; acceptance and then thick skin. The amount of messages I send in one day can be in the triple digits sometimes, but this isn't because I WANT it to be that way; rather, it's just the way the environment dictates it to be for men unfortunately in a lot of instances. Even more interesting, I've become more and more accepting and comfortable about it.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Since when were the majority of people are dating sites interesting? 99% of them are identical to each other with generic profiles. Really, how many people need to say they are "career driven, love hanging out with friends, and love sports?"


Welcome to real life.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

*NEVER BEEN ON ANY DATING SITE..JUST DNT HAVE THE COURAGE TO B ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT...MY heart POUNDS SEVERAL TIMES..I DNT..JUST CANT..U GUYS ARE BRAVE ENOUGH*


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## Jcoj613 (May 1, 2011)

Dating sites are not really a good way to meet people IMO


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

opcorn


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Jcoj613:1059752870 said:


> Dating sites are not really a good way to meet people IMO


Your argument is really compelling. I'm going to have to counter with: yes they are.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Jcoj613 said:


> Dating sites are not really a good way to meet people IMO


Have to agree with you there :yes


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## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

I've had a lot of online relationships, but never signed up for a dating site.. o.o


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

Kathykook said:


> Me:
> Yea, I love those movies as well =) Are you a frequent moviegoer? Have you seen a movie called Drive?


I've seen the movie Drive! Loved it.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I've deleted my two dating site profiles, one on PoF and the other on DateHookup (a lesser known one that's not that bad, and it's not a sex site like it sounds). I received very few profile visits, although on PoF you can't really tell how many people visit because it's possible to set your profile not to register your visit to a page. Also, I got tired of searching and finding the same women who are uninteresting. The interesting ones I don't feel ready to message.

In the time I was a member, I sent out only one serious message, to a woman who seemed kind of "off the beaten path" but also very pretentious. I liked the fact that she was adamant about not having kids. She didn't post a photo and refused to say the area in my city where she lived, both on her profile and when she replied to me. She also refused to give her first name, saying that both of these things are for safety (how anyone can find you by your general location and first name, I don't know). Pretty quickly I realized that she wasn't for me and told her so, but we still exchanged a couple messages, and discussed what I had mentioned about being shy. She said that a male friend of hers has social anxiety so bad he can't hold down a job, so that's something she's familiar with. In addition, she said that she had a friend with whom I might be more compatible and that she'd mention me to her, but I never received a follow up on it.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Pof SUCKS.
OkCupid is ****ing godmail.
Datehookup is meh.

You REALLY have to dig, dig, dig to find decent matches. It's difficult but you can't be lazy. Be brave & bold.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Kathykook said:


> Pof SUCKS.
> OkCupid is ****ing godmail.
> Datehookup is meh.
> 
> You REALLY have to dig, dig, dig to find decent people.


This.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

God, POF is so effing questionable. I went on a date with this guy I was very attracted to from there. When I met up with him, I discovered that he had celebral palsy. He didn't even mention anything about it. The date was incredibly awkward. THAT WAS PRETTY MESSED UP ON HIS PART.


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> God, POF is so effing questionable. I went on a date with this guy I was very attracted to from there. When I met up with him, I discovered that he had celebral palsy. He didn't even mention anything about it. The date was incredibly awkward. THAT WAS PRETTY MESSED UP ON HIS PART.


Did you mention everything that he might want to know about your medical history? Asthma, Social Anxiety, depression, allergies, genetic disorders, family medical history?

A person is far, far more than any particular illness or condition they have!


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Wow that is weird he didn't mention that. I have a hard enough time just getting responses.


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## Brandeezy (Dec 23, 2009)

Atleast you get responses. I sent around 40 messages in about two weeks to attractive women and no one responded. The messages weren't generic either. Its been 2 months since ive logged on a dating site.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

Mercurochrome said:


> Here's some most recent of mine:
> 
> Me: Wow, were you in that movie Boogie Nights or a ripoff version of it? I have lots of cash.
> 
> ...


DC eh? I don't know if I've come across you on these sites yet. haha j/k

I'm taking a break from all of this for a while. I'm finding it increasingly stressful, a lot of the guys want to go over to e-mail, text, or Skype after only 1 or 2 exchanges back and forth. Don't get me wrong - I understand why people want to take communications into another place, and I guess guys like to do it because they want to take charge right away and really want to show their interest. But it bothers me when it's so soon. Especially the wanting to Skype right away. I guess I sound a little ridiculous, maybe it's just because everyone is a total stranger online and all my defenses are up? I really don't want to look off-putting. Obviously this would be totally different if I was set up with someone through a friend, or I was asked out somewhere.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

rdrr said:


> I never said the majority are, but there are interesting people. Well what do you expect them to be, negative or depressing? The actual date doesn't happen on the site. If it seems profiles are identical it's maybe because 99 percent of people desire the same thing, and if that's being 'generic'.... The whole generic thing is a blatant sense of hubris, to spark a potential partners interest, to get a date and actually find out more about them and what makes them unique, and therefore attractive. But what's wrong with that?


I can't approach people when they seem so bland and generic, I have no idea what to say since I myself am not a generic and bland person. It would seem that someone would try to be unique in order to spark someone's interest.



kiirby said:


> Welcome to real life.


Wow, that's depressing. There are unique people in the world, they just aren't on dating sites or else they hide their uniqueness in order to conform to the boring norms of society.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

Even a lowly person like myself can get a decent gf off of POF. Just be random, and don't ask them about whats on their profile if it already says.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Syndacus said:


> Even a lowly person like myself can get a decent gf off of POF. Just be random, and don't ask them about whats on their profile if it already says.


What are some of the random things you've said?


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Will any guy here do me a favor?

Show Kathy what online conversations with women look like from a guy's POV.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

In the interest of my short attention span I just read the short ones.



Kathykook said:


> Convo #1. Via text
> 
> Guy: Hi kathryn, it's Daniel from POF
> Me: Hey, what are you up to?
> ...


LOL

Edit: Yes its a funny end but I think cuz u didnt remember him he thought maybe u were ****ing several other guys on POF. Or, he knew your real name and u didnt even remember his username, maybe he felt like u just werent that into him.



Kathykook said:


> Cnvo # 3
> 
> Guy:
> You are cute so what made you want to become a nurse? My sister is one and loves it.
> ...


I don't see the problem here. Perfectly reasonable guy wanting to know about your sexual proclivities. Such a nice guy too. Asking in advance instead of suddenly tying you to the bed and pulling out the paddle.

I'm just kidding, he's a creep.



Kathykook said:


> Him:
> i was just eating at shands the other day watching the nursing students get out of class, and i said to myself, i need to find a cute nursing student one of these days lol
> Me:
> Haha. I spend a lot of time at shands.
> ...


U made it too easy. Play a bit harder to get, woman.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

shyguyy said:


> In the interest of my short attention span I just read the short ones.
> 
> LOL
> 
> ...


pfffffffffffft. I don't see the point of playing hard on a dating site.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

TPower said:


> Will any guy here do me a favor?
> 
> Show Kathy what online conversations with women look like from a guy's POV.


From a guy's point of view

Me:You seem really cool from your profile. What brought you to the Austin area? What drove you to study (whatever they are studying)? I also noticed you liked horror movies, what are some of your favorites.

Girl: No response.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

Gryffindor85 said:


> From a guy's point of view
> 
> Me:You seem really cool from your profile. What brought you to the Austin area? What drove you to study (whatever they are studying)? I also noticed you liked horror movies, what are some of your favorites.
> 
> Girl: No response.


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## RoflSaurus (Feb 25, 2012)

The problem is not -you-. It's POF!


Hate that site with a passion.


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## ahoyhoyable (Mar 18, 2012)

Man, dating sites ... 
I know there are some people have met the love of their life on dating sites, but those are miracle stories. Convo#1 and Convo #3 is expected, annoying but expected. Convo#2 ... there's always a danger you run into people not your type. 
Isn't there any other place you can go to? Join clubs maybe. Perhaps film club since you don't have to look or talk to people much and you can expect an engaging discussion afterwards about the film.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

never had the courage.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Mercurochrome said:


> Here's some most recent of mine:
> Me: Rarr.
> 
> Her: pardon?
> ...


hahaha...that's actually pretty good. And she never responded? pffftt


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

huh said:


> hahaha...that's actually pretty good. And she never responded? pffftt


Exactly, any normal person would laugh at it but that cold witch turned the poor guy away! :b


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## Brandeezy (Dec 23, 2009)

Me: Sorry to bother you again but how come you deleted my message without reading it? Just askinf

Her: you're not my type sweety, sorry.

Here's another one after i asked a random girl how come women aren't responding to my profile.

Her: well first off your profile is like a novel, no one wants to read all that and 2nd your pics aren't flattering (even though in smiling in all of them), take some. 

I told another girl a joke relating to her profile and she blocked me -_-


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*Sorry if it was brought up b4*

I just replied to about 4 Craigslist ads last week. I like that site becuase, although 98% of posters are trolls or perverts, 2% just have nothing to lose.
By which i mean, on a paid site, everyone feels like its a job search or something. 
There is alot of pressure to be "perfect", to say the right thing, to have a good photo up, etc etc. I don't do well under that kind of pressure.
And the pickyness of the guys!
It often means he wont even meet me, because posters on OKC or POF often have these impossible standards, and i refuse to be dishonest about who I am.
But then two got back to me...aaannnnd i haven't responded yet!
I feel so scared. Scared they wont like mee, or that I wont find them attractive, although I know they both look normal (I know enough about reading between the lines to know what range a person falls into off these sites)
I also like that site where people post an activity and then you respond to that-it discourages all this texting to death. (But that's also paid, so not useful if i'm not going to do anything about it)


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Gryffindor85 said:


> From a guy's point of view
> 
> Me:You seem really cool from your profile. What brought you to the Austin area? What drove you to study (whatever they are studying)? I also noticed you liked horror movies, what are some of your favorites.
> 
> Girl: No response.


To me that seems like maybe too many questions in one message. I tend to just make a few small comments on their profile, maybe a quick joke, and ask them a question about something. I at least get a better frequency of responses this way. Whenever I wrote longer well thought out messages I'd almost never get a response.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

huh said:


> To me that seems like maybe too many questions in one message. I tend to just make a few small comments on their profile, maybe a quick joke, and ask them a question about something. I at least get a better frequency of responses this way. Whenever I wrote longer well thought out messages I'd almost never get a response.


Shouldn't they like longer more thought out messages? It shows that more effort is being put in. I usually have messages a little shorter than that one though.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Shouldn't they like longer more thought out messages? It shows that more effort is being put in. I usually have messages a little shorter than that one though.


You would think so, but I never had any luck doing that. Some girls on these sites get a lot of messages, so maybe a long message isn't worth the effort to them? Or perhaps it's intimidating or makes it look like the person is trying to hard. I'm not sure.


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## Shygirl427 (May 25, 2008)

^ this


I think this is true. I often see it as the person is trying too hard. Or is obsessed with me without even knowing me. And because of that I'm alittle if-y on replying.


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## Doriis (Jan 8, 2012)

Oh no just hang on in there! I joined POF as well some time ago because I was bored and thought to myself " meeeh we'll see how it goes ". I came across some very kinky messages and nasty people but got to discuss with SAers and other interesting people! I even met up with a guy that has a minor case of SA and we're still planning to meet. 
Don't give up, it doesn't hurt. You just have to meet the right people


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Actually the message doesn't matter that much, as long as it is clear that the guy read my profile. If you don't get a response back it is probably because the woman is not attracted to you or something in your profile was a turn-off.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> Actually the message doesn't matter that much, as long as it is clear that the guy read my profile. If you don't get a response back it is probably because the woman is not attracted to you or something in your profile was a turn-off.


I think I'm just going to start writing all my messages in haiku form.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Emerald said:


> ^ this
> 
> I think this is true. I often see it as the person is trying too hard. Or is obsessed with me without even knowing me. And because of that I'm alittle if-y on replying.


But then they won't reply if your message is too short, and I don't see how what I mentioned could come across as obsession, I'm just trying to put a few possible discussion topics up, since no one replies to "hey, what's up?"


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

I've just ended a 5-hour long conversation with a girl on okcupid. It's rare, but it happens. Worthy of notice, is that both times this has happened, I started with zero expectations and therefore I had no pressure. Things just flowed.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

NoName99 said:


> I've just ended a 5-hour long conversation with a girl on okcupid. It's rare, but it happens. Worthy of notice, is that both times this has happened, I started with zero expectations and therefore I had no pressure. Things just flowed.


Wow! 5hours!? I'm lucky to have something to talk about for 5 mins.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

lanzman said:


> Wow! 5hours!? I'm lucky to have something to talk about for 5 mins.


Ask questions, then. If you want to get to know a person, focus on what you'd like to know about them. This is key, actually, because it stops it from being about what you think they want, and what you think you need to do to impress them, to being about what _you_ want. _You_ are the one that needs to be impressed.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Haiku messages don't seem to work.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

I like you a lot
Your picture is really cute
I jizzed in my pants.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Syndacus said:


> I like you a lot
> Your picture is really cute
> I jizzed in my pants.


So the truth finally comes out....


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Be thankful you can go on dating sites! My mum has put a block on them all :/ says I should be meeting girls other ways. 

Its always difficult to meet girls when you don't really have a social circle. 

Look on the bright side, you are getting replies


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Droidsteel said:


> Be thankful you can go on dating sites! My mum has put a block on them all :/ says I should be meeting girls other ways.
> 
> Its always difficult to meet girls when you don't really have a social circle.
> 
> Look on the bright side, you are getting replies


If you're old enough to be on a dating site, than your parents shouldn't be controlling what websites you go to.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

I have a hard time with dating sites because 1) I'm a guy so people don't message me 2) I'm too nervous to message anyone else. Dammit


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

identitycrisis said:


> I have a hard time with dating sites because 1) I'm a guy so people don't message me 2) I'm too nervous to message anyone else. Dammit


Message them anyway. Have no expectations. Sounds simple but isn't, I know. Focus on what you want to know about them. Is she smart? Is she educated? Is she arrogant? Obnoxious? Maybe she has interesting ideas about things you care about? What does she think about things you think about?


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Gryffindor85 said:


> If you're old enough to be on a dating site, than your parents shouldn't be controlling what websites you go to.


Actually Im 17  I will be allowed to go on them at 18 of course but I don't want to wait that long :no


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Whenever I meet up with someone from a dating site, I get so excited/nervous that I end up jizzing myself in his car.


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## Puppet Master (Jan 1, 2012)

Kathykook said:


> Whenever I meet up with someone from a dating site, I get so excited/nervous that I end up jizzing myself in his car.


:lol Well Kathy all I can say is I know to read your posts if I need a laugh for the most part.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

Kathykook said:


> Whenever I meet up with someone from a dating site, I get so excited/nervous that I end up jizzing myself in his car.


*makes mental note to buy saran wrap for my car seats whenever meeting anyone from a dating site*


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## TheCynicalEye (Sep 7, 2011)

_[deleted]
_


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

TheCynicalEye said:


> But he wasn't making an argument at all -- he was merely stating his opinion, hence the "IMO" at the end of his post. See how that works?


The Earth is flat, IMO. The moon is made of cheese, IMO. Cats fly on sparkly rainbows, IMO.

You're right, that does work :teeth


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## TheCynicalEye (Sep 7, 2011)

huh said:


> The Earth is flat, IMO. The moon is made of cheese, IMO. Cats fly on sparkly rainbows, IMO.
> 
> You're right, that does work :teeth


Drawing a comparison between "dating sites are no good" and "the earth is flat" is a bit of a stretch...


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

TheCynicalEye said:


> Drawing a comparison between "dating sites are no good" and "the earth is flat" is a bit of a stretch...


Well, I did that to make the issue obvious. Can I really just add IMO to the end of everything I say so no one can challenge it?


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## TheCynicalEye (Sep 7, 2011)

huh said:


> Well, I did that to make the issue obvious. *Can I really just add IMO to the end of everything I say so no one can challenge it?*


No. But if someone said "Pepsi sucks IMO" -- realistically, how could one argue against that? "Dating sites suck IMO" is of the same order.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

TheCynicalEye said:


> No. But if someone said "Pepsi sucks IMO" -- realistically, how could one argue against that? "Dating sites suck IMO" is of the same order.


I agree, that's a subjective statement. However, he stated...



> Dating sites are not really a good way to meet people IMO


We could probably gather statistics and evidence to actually find out one way or another how many people on dating sates manage to get dates and meet people, etc. Whether or not these statistics and evidence exist is another matter I suppose. Perhaps if he stated it like...



> Dating sites are not really a good way *for me* to meet people IMO


We sure managed to drag this off-topic quite a bit...lol.


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