# SAS Relationship Gone Wrong



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

I know there are many success stories here on SAS of people meeting their significant. And I applaud these people for making it work through tough circumstances such as long distance. But the reality is with so many success stories by probability there must be an even greater number which ended poorly. I am here today to tell my story of heart break all involving a woman who I really felt a strong connection with and potentially a future. 

Well it all began last October towards the end of the month around Halloween time. That means much more to me now that I work at a Party store and am thinking about Halloween every single day! Though that's aside the point. I sent a Visitor Message to a girl on SAS. I had no intentions apart from being interested in something she had said on a thread (I think our discussion was about movies). Well the vming progressed and eventually we started talking back and fourth regularly (and non-stop often times). 

I always talked more about myself than she did about her life. She told me early on that she struggled making conversation other than the most basic questions. I didn't mind at all considering that I usually have a lot to say but nobody to actually listen. I enjoyed her company a lot! And then I found myself thinking about her daily even when we weren't chatting. She seemed to also be equally as interested in me. For instance, if I sent a 'hug' emoticon to her she would send back three more 'hugs'. 

Quickly our flirting back and fourth became an almost full-fledged relationship. We would send each other good morning and good night texts and even afternoon texts. I had never felt so loved in my life. A girl actually was taking the time to see how my day went. And she seemed genuine in the way she cared for me. Nicknames such as 'babe', 'tall man', and even 'sweetheart' never seized to put a smile on my face even on my worst of days. 

I was online schooled my senior year of high-school. It made me much more isolated than any year prior. That all increased my dependency on her for my socializing. I remember looking at the clock counting down time for her to get on the bus which is when she would usually message me. It gave me something to look forward to each and every day. 

2:05 AM to be continued............tomorrow


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Maybe this stuff is best reserved for a blog or not at all man.

I don't mean to insinuate nor offend, I'm just saying in my own opinion personally, I wouldn't talk publicly about any fellow SAS'ers here who I had some type of connection with, even if it was a girl and things didn't pan out and she hated me. I mean sure you can be vague, yet the more details you disclose and more times you talk about it, it has a higher chance of narrowing down. Y'know?

Trust is earned, maybe you should confide this stuff to a special, trustworthy friend if you must, I personally think publicly posting about it might piss off your ex. Even if she hypothetically deserves it, I highly doubt any good could come from this is all I'm saying. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. 


Also if it was LDR and you both never met irl, maybe you both had some emotional connection, but real life and a fantasy / idea of someone is completely different imo. I'm not against LDR, I tried once myself, but most of them do not pan out. Strong relationships take time and are built out of trust, when it's LDR, hopefully those two people can meet asap so they don't waste each others time dreaming. Am I a jerk for thinking this? I don't know...


----------



## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

Did she turn out to be a republican?


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Well it looks like I found myself in the right thread!


----------



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Were said:


> Did she turn out to be a republican?


Omg


----------



## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Malek said:


> Also if it was LDR and you both never met irl, maybe you both had some emotional connection, but real life and a fantasy / idea of someone is completely different imo. I'm not against LDR, I tried once myself, but most of them do not pan out. Strong relationships take time and are built out of trust, when it's LDR, hopefully those two people can meet asap so they don't waste each others time dreaming. Am I a jerk for thinking this? I don't know...


This is true. Too many online/LDR are based on YOUR idea of the person because you read their texts or things the way you want. However when you meet them in person it might be different. I had the opposite happen to me. I ended up getting with someone I mutually disliked online so this is something that has baffled me since then.


----------



## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I really feel bad for you, I really do. I had a romantic LDR with a member on here a long time ago, and it just didn't work out. If she was still a current member on this forum, I wouldn't have even responded to this thread at all, I wouldn't have even mentioned this much.

I know this is unsolicited advice but I would be careful not to get so wrapped up in a relationship that you sort of start to lose sight of who you are. If I found myself waiting on the edge of my seat in the morning, just waiting to get a text I normally get from a girl when she got on the bus so that I could get her text....I don't know, man....I think that for me I need to be very careful about the difference between being obsessed and being in love. It's pretty clear to me what the difference is now, I can recognize it right away. But there was a time when it wasn't, lines were sort of blurry. I think, in my personal opinion, that if you have a crush with a girl for a ridiculously long amount of time or if you are far, far more into her than she is into you....then I think it's a really good idea to take inventory. Maybe figure out where the relationship is at, or question if it's even a healthy "relationship" worth pursuing at all. 

This is just my personal opinion, I'm not judging, but there is no way in hell that I would ever pursue any kind of romantic relationship with anyone on this site, ever again. Not anyone that's actively on here anyway. I don't want to take up ten pages explaining why but I think it should be obvious as to why it's just a bad idea.

Friends, hell yeah. Anything beyond that is a hell no for me. I know I have very, very good reasons for thinking that way.

And you're right there have been some very good storybook endings on here, for several couples that met on this site (as far as I know, I haven't seen anything from them in quite a while). I just would never take the chance, I think the odds are stacked way against us. It's not a dating site. I flirt on here a lot but I think (I hope for God's sake) that everyone knows I'm just a little off the mark and have a strange sense of humor. I wouldn't take the chance on a heartbreak that's almost guaranteed from happening if you meet someone else on a mental health website.

I have a little sticky that I keep on the corner of my laptop that says "THIS IS A MENTAL HEALTH WEBSITE". It helps me keep things in perspective sometimes. And guess what. Everyone else on here is on a mental health website, too.


----------



## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Then the nuclear war with Iran happened and ruined everything?


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

@Malek I must clear something up. I asked for her permission before I made this thread.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Ignopius said:


> @*Malek* I must clear something up. I asked for her permission before I made this thread.


Oh, alright then. Apologies, proceed sir. :smile2:


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

just because she gave you her permission to make this thread, doesn't guarantee that you (or other people here) won't end up saying something that would make her feel bad.

i know your intentions are entirely honorable, but a lot of the time we have no control over how other people interpret our words. a lot of the time we hurt people unintentionally.

oftentimes when a relationship in the public eye comes to an end, the more vocal party gets all the sympathy and condolences, while the other person is at best neglected and at worst maligned. not that they are at fault necessarily, but simply because everyone only saw things through one perspective and never got to hear the other side of the story.

the last thread you made, the one about opening up in a relationship... some of the posters i felt were a bit quick to judge. it left me wondering if your ex had read the responses, and how she might have felt about them.

ofc ,i understand if you feel the need to spell these thoughts out on here as a form of closure, and you have every right to do so, but this is just something for you to think about.


----------



## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

now you know damn well that i have all the sympathy and understanding about this....but i gotta say....you're gonna cringe _so hard _when you look back at all this in a few years

i would know, i made threads about my first/failing/failed relationship when i first joined this site. SO EMBARRASSING (don't go lookin for it, i deleted it)

so anyway i understand completely how big a deal this is to you right now. ugh, that pain...is special devil pain. like menstrual cramps in your heart.

but you're gonna be okay homie


----------



## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Ouch.

You had it bad.

"I sent one hug emoji, she sent three..."

Love makes you look into the little things too much.

I've been there, don't sweat it.


----------



## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

meepie said:


> This is true. *Too many online/LDR are based on YOUR idea of the person because you read their texts or things the way you want. However when you meet them in person it might be different.* I had the opposite happen to me. I* ended up getting with someone I mutually disliked online* so this is something that has baffled me since then.


yeah people tend to disappoint you in person if you build them up like that, and especially if you commit to them before meeting in person first

this has happened to me a lot with online dating. i'll meet up with someone i didn't think i'd like at all and i ended up thinking they were awesome. never lasted long but it was a pleasant surprise.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

@bad baby I'm posting this more for venting then anything else. I need somewhere to get this off my chest. I have no friends or family that I can talk about these things with. I'm not even sure if I will post the second part to this story. Because its the part that might make my ex look bad. Though I did get her permission. I doubt she will even read this to be quite honest. She doesn't log onto SAS too much. And posts maybe once or twice a week. 
@gopherinferno SHIZ! I was going to search for it. The only problem is to find it from your thousands of posts on here! Well this is how I'm feeling now. And I will probably delete it within a couple of weeks. Just to leave this memory behind me.


----------



## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Never seen so many posts to half a story.



gopherinferno said:


> like menstrual cramps in your heart.


Gotta say, I actually laughed out loud at that one.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It's tough, dude. I know we've talked a little bit, but I've been through the same thing. Time and finding a replacement tend to help. Even with just time, a year later, it still hurts.


----------



## Robot the Human (Aug 20, 2010)

All of my relationships here that started on SAS have crashed and burned. Only one or maybe two faded away neutrally, while the romantic one and a long time "friendship" of four plus years ended harshly. I'm yet to be convinced that any relationship is permanent. Maybe it's just unfortunate luck, or I'm well aware of the possibility that I just suck at any kind of relationship. I guess we need to keep going and hope for the best.

I'm really sorry things didn't work out for you, but hey you're super young and it's not impossible for this to happen again. I worry more about people that marry their high school sweetheart or the first person they meet, because life is about discovery and mistakes. With billions of people in the world, it just seems kind of strange to hit it off with someone right away, without some kind of trial and error. Most people tend to only see with their eyes, and that scares the hell out of me. Even if we do all the right things with what we feel is the right person, there's no guarantee that it will work out and that's ok despite your inner emotions screaming that it's not.


----------



## chinaski (Mar 1, 2010)

when is the 2nd half of the story coming?


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

chinaski said:


> when is the 2nd half of the story coming?


I've been to tired to type it up. It will come eventually. Probably this Friday.


----------



## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

if you think it might make her look bad, don't post it.


----------



## SilkyJay (Jul 6, 2015)

gopherinferno said:


> now you know damn well that i have all the sympathy and understanding about this....but i gotta say....you're gonna cringe _so hard _when you look back at all this in a few years
> 
> i would know, i made threads about my first/failing/failed relationship when i first joined this site. SO EMBARRASSING (don't go lookin for it, i deleted it)
> 
> ...


Listen to this fine young lady. I had my icky, sticky, cringe worthy moment on Facebook years ago around your age. I still think about it. I've learned a lot since, but still. Lets just say it was with some dude about a girl. I was so hurt with what she did to me and how I found out. Facebook was inconveniently available and well I said things I shouldn't have regardless of how wronged I felt. Social media is great on one hand, but it's also is a very dangerous place for your relationships. Somethings are best left unsaid.


----------



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Yajyklis10 said:


> Listen to this fine young lady. I had my icky, sticky, cringe worthy moment on Facebook years ago around your age. I still think about it. I've learned a lot since, but still. Lets just say it was with some dude about a girl. I was so hurt with what she did to me and how I found out. Facebook was inconveniently available and well I said things I shouldn't have regardless of how wronged I felt. Social media is great on one hand, but it's also is a very dangerous place for your relationships. Somethings are best left unsaid.


Yeah. I dont understand why people do that on facebook. Where all their irl friends can see. I'm on this forum as an escape from my regular life. And to relate to people who I can freely talk about my problems.


----------



## SilkyJay (Jul 6, 2015)

Ignopius said:


> Yeah. I dont understand why people do that on facebook. Where all their irl friends can see. I'm on this forum as an escape from my regular life. And to relate to people who I can freely talk about my problems.


yeahp I'm guilty. Don't want you to come 1/10th near the disgust I have for myself when it comes to what I felt after. I still need to tone down what I reveal and say about personal stuff sometimes in general. Facebook evolved into something I simply don't use anymore. Rarely if so. Just wanted to chime in b/c sometimes pride can get the best of us regardless of the forum.

To my defense my incident was earlier on when Facebook came out. I actually had a lot people messaging me afterwards saying what douche the guy was in real life and that I hit on a lotta points nobody else would dare say, about girls, him but yeah. that probably made me realize even more that I said too much. Too many people that really didn't need to see it, saw it even if I knew them in real life or not. But it's over and now I can't do anything about it. I'd still say hi to him if I saw him now, and have run into her numerous times since and we've talked. Life is strange.


----------



## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

Sorry you had to go through this. I know the feels.


----------



## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Man, I can't wait until friday opcorn


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

Ignopius said:


> @Malek I must clear something up. I asked for her permission before I made this thread.


well you should be allowed to tell your story without her permission frankly as long as you didnt name the person

and by the way . I had what I was lead to believe a very close and trusting connection with someone from 2 1\2 years.
I gave all my heart and emotions to her but it turned out she wasn't able to return the devotion and trust and after being knowingly hurt several times by her actions. it became clear I wasted all my time and emotions on this person. At least now I am free from her accusations and blaming and the rest of it frankly... I am glad to be able to say good riddance .

you have to be very careful with these things because you can never know you can trust or believe 100% what the other person tells you .


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Were said:


> Did she turn out to be a republican?





acidicwithpanic said:


> Omg


:spit :lol :haha This was too much.


----------



## PathologicalSigher (Mar 22, 2015)

This thread should be renamed "SAS Relationship Gone Anti-Climactic."


----------



## Robot the Human (Aug 20, 2010)

KILOBRAVO said:


> well you should be allowed to tell your story without her permission frankly as long as you didnt name the person


I completely agree. Either side should be able to tell their story, regardless of the outcome. If not it just feeds paranoia and it causes us to hold in our feelings. Sometimes you have to be just as nice and courteous to yourself as you are for others. As long as it's mature and reasonable toward the other person, I don't see a problem. I think by now we all know that not every story has a happy ending and it doesn't always have to be bad person vs. good person.

If I couldn't write about my family and the people that are/were in my life without their permission, I'd be twice as crazy as I am right now.


----------



## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Staticnz said:


> Then the nuclear war with Iran happened and ruined everything?


What the... lol


----------

