# Starting to Find it easy to make friends...



## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

Hey, so I am having a breakthrough recently where I am finding it relatively easy to make friends. I just try my best and not give a **** about the outcome, I also take confidence from the techniques I use as it has worked many times in the past. Basically I just act myself and try and be as relaxed as possible. I am naturally witty, and combine this with high energy, good body language and good conversation and it usually works out good. Like this evening, I got invited to watch a world cup match by a girl who I had befriended 2 weeks ago, and I met her friends and ended up getting a guy ask me for my Facebook so we can watch another game together someday soon, and another girl suggest we go clubbing sometime. Maybe i'm just naturally extroverted but I find If I just be the best self I can be, I have the personality to make friends relatively easily. Also in groups, If I dont feel inferior to the people, I can become a main contributer to the conversation/activity even if I only knew 1 of the 8 beforehand etc. Just wanted to share my success.

Here's my tips:
1. Most people feel comfortable around a certain type of person, target these people you feel comfortable around/can offer value. For example I would not try and befriend jocks as I do not feel comfortable around them.
2. The opener doesn't matter so much, use it to open conversation but don't otherthink it, just start the conversation. Also learn to make anything conversation topic sound interesting. Its about body language and tone of voice and enthusiasm.
3. Be high energy, if you are naturally funny, enthusiastic etc. show it, you should try and be one notch in energy above the person you are talking too if hanging out i.e. at a bar or other social setting. 
4. Body language is important, keep you body language in mind, try you best to have confident body language, eye contact is a must, smile, just enjoy the moment etc.
5. Be a good listener and take a interest in the person. Demonstrate value and be interesting with your responses.
6. Just have fun, dont invest much on the outcome, just try your best and take confidence from your successes, its also fun to practice techniques you might have learnt from studying psychology books etc. and see how they go.
7. If things go well, get a way to potentially meet them in the future. Its pretty easy to get a number/facebook, all it is is a chance for you to meet each other again in the future.
8. Ask others to hang out, if someone likes you they will accept your invitation, if they don't then thats fine, at least you tried.

Also, I am interested in the pick up arts in the extend of personal development in my people skills, it is very useful to study such things as body language, conversation skills etc.


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## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

Those are some great tips. 
We usually too worried about what we say/do and think too far ahead, when we should just live in the moment.
Personally, I find it more difficult to keep friends than making them because I run out of things to say. (though I am trying to be more active)
Congrats on your breakthrough!


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

Awkto Awktavious said:


> Those are some great tips.
> We usually too worried about what we say/do and think too far ahead, when we should just live in the moment.
> Personally, I find it more difficult to keep friends than making them because I run out of things to say. (though I am trying to be more active)
> Congrats on your breakthrough!


I can give you advice on your problem of running put of things to say. Firstly you want to try and speak 1/3rd and let the other person speak 2/3rds of the conversation as people enjoy talking about themselves and they value good listeners. Also don't be afraid of silences or luls in conversation.

You can make conversation by expanding on the verbs in a persons response. Say I asked how your day is going (use open questions not yes or no response ones) and you replied that you had just been playing football so all is going good, well except for that dog that tried to chase youbearlier... I would then pick out the key points as football and dogs and I could then ask any question on those. This also makes the conversation smoother as you transition from topic to topic instead of just interview mode where you just ask random questions one after each other like what's your favourite movie, what's your favourite food etc. 
If you listen carefully, the person will hint at what the person wants to talk about next. "I'm really nervous!" Why are you nervous? Etc. Also you can use your environment to start conversation. "Don't you think that guy looks like Donald trump!?" Its really simple technique 

Also try and use humour and just be in the moment. There is nothing worse than thinking what should I say next. Just relax and let the conversation flow. I usually start with simple and humourous stuff to break the boundaries and then go more deep to try and build a connection but my aim is to learn something from the other person and just enjoy the interaction.


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## Keyblade (Apr 21, 2013)

Where did you meet these people if i may ask? Did you go to these places alone?


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Welcome back


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

Thextera said:


> Where did you meet these people if i may ask? Did you go to these places alone?


I volunteer at a charity shop and got on well with the people who also volunteer on my shift who are my age and so I suggested we hang out and from there I met other people. I bring my friend when I go to meetups where there are others I don't know, like when I only know 1 of the 8 people there, but otherwise if I can get away with going by myself and not looking a loner then I will do it. I would suggest you just ask someone you get along well with to hang out. All they can do is say yes, no or suggest another day. Its not the end of the world if they say no, people have many reasons why they might have said no, and if you know you have done all you have done and you think you have interacted well with them then just be pleased that you had the courage to face rejection and ask them to hang out. If I had not asked these people at the charity shop to hang out, I would have missed out on some fun experiences and I would have missed out on strengthening our friendship. You cannot wait around for people to ask you to hang out as the oppourtunity might not arise as people have other things to be doing and may be insecure themselves about asking, but this doesnt mean they won't want to hang out. You just need to ask, if they accept then great, if they don't then thats okay, at least you made the effort and you can move on. You can tell if you get on great with someone anyway so you know if you stand a decent chance of them saying yes or not.


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

Steiner of Thule said:


> Welcome back


Muchas gracias


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

There we go, man. Once you start, it's like a snowball.


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## s0mebody (Mar 30, 2013)

Congrats! I've also been doing well socializing lately. I did have friends already before but I only saw them as companions. But now, we've been hangin alot lately and I consider them as really good friends now. We'll hang out a few more times this summer and Im very excited. I also love the fact that I dont feel pressured to talk while im with them. Everyone does their parts to keep the conversations going. And sometimes, I would even initiate some discussions on certain topics. Like last time, we were in the car and everyone was tired so no one was talking so I opened up some new topics and i was really surprised that I was able to do that and raise our energy levels again even though we were tired and eager to get home. We ended up staying at a park and have a little more chitchat before finally heading home. We also planned out what else we can do later this summer such as for july 4, going to a beach, going fishing, etc.


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

AntiAnxiety said:


> There we go, man. Once you start, it's like a snowball.


Yeah you are right, I just take confidence from every successful experience and learn how to improve next time, so I can see progress. It feels great when you know you did a good job interacting with others.


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

s0mebody said:


> Congrats! I've also been doing well socializing lately. I did have friends already before but I only saw them as companions. But now, we've been hangin alot lately and I consider them as really good friends now. We'll hang out a few more times this summer and Im very excited. I also love the fact that I dont feel pressured to talk while im with them. Everyone does their parts to keep the conversations going. And sometimes, I would even initiate some discussions on certain topics. Like last time, we were in the car and everyone was tired so no one was talking so I opened up some new topics and i was really surprised that I was able to do that and raise our energy levels again even though we were tired and eager to get home. We ended up staying at a park and have a little more chitchat before finally heading home. We also planned out what else we can do later this summer such as for july 4, going to a beach, going fishing, etc.


Sounds like your making progress which is great! Its also cool that you made some future plans to hang out, make sure you carry them out!


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## Keyblade (Apr 21, 2013)

FortuneAndFame said:


> I volunteer at a charity shop and got on well with the people who also volunteer on my shift who are my age and so I suggested we hang out and from there I met other people. I bring my friend when I go to meetups where there are others I don't know, like when I only know 1 of the 8 people there, but otherwise if I can get away with going by myself and not looking a loner then I will do it. I would suggest you just ask someone you get along well with to hang out. All they can do is say yes, no or suggest another day. Its not the end of the world if they say no, people have many reasons why they might have said no, and if you know you have done all you have done and you think you have interacted well with them then just be pleased that you had the courage to face rejection and ask them to hang out. If I had not asked these people at the charity shop to hang out, I would have missed out on some fun experiences and I would have missed out on strengthening our friendship. You cannot wait around for people to ask you to hang out as the oppourtunity might not arise as people have other things to be doing and may be insecure themselves about asking, but this doesnt mean they won't want to hang out. You just need to ask, if they accept then great, if they don't then thats okay, at least you made the effort and you can move on. You can tell if you get on great with someone anyway so you know if you stand a decent chance of them saying yes or not.


I see, thanks for the input  Yeah i've always waited for other people to ask me first which was not a good idea. I had this mindset: "if they don't ask me, they don't want to hang out." I'm trying to work on it more


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