# I'm the biggest loner ever in college!



## theraven

In high school I was shy but I atleast had 1 friend and even had a boyfriend. Right now I'm in my 2nd semester of college. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. NO SOCIAL LIFE. I AM EVEN IN A CLUB AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS... when I see the people I know from a far away distance I change my path just to avoid saying "Hi". I get very nervous. Like for example if I say Hi and they'll ignore me or think I'm a loser.. I haven't had a boyfriend since high school either. I have some guys that like me but I've screwed it up because I am so shy that I avoid them even if I like them. I SPEND MY FREE HOURS OR LUNCH HOURS IN UNIVERSITY EITHER EATING IN MY CAR ALONE or EATING IN A BATHROOM AND WHEN I'M DONE EATING I WALK FOR HOURS JUST TO NOT LET PEOPLE SEE I AM ACTUALLY JUST BORED OR ALONE in my free time. I also make believe I am talking on the phone alot so no one will notice I am lonely. Sometimes I sit in corners and also make believe I am studying so no one will see I am just bored and alone. I have a very big fear of going to a place where I know people and having to be the first one to say hi. The only time I ever got invited to a party I didn't go because I kept thinking of how I'd say hi to the people when I got there and who I'd spend the rest of the party around with or that I'd spend it alone since I have no friends. Since college is very close I also live with my parents and they make me feel bad when they ask me why I never go to parties or go to girls to the malls or regular social stuff 19 year olds do.I like an outcast... What will I do to make friends and stop being like?! Am I the only one who is like this???


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## laura024

No, I was like that when I stayed on campus last year. Zero friends. I went walking aimlessly around campus and out with my moronic ex just so my roommate would stop thinking I was a hermit. Also I had several groups of guys laugh at me (at different times throughout the year) when I walked by. They just looked directly at me and laughed, and not because they were in the middle of their own conversation or anything. Apparently they could sense my worthlessness. Anyway, this year I commute and don't bother to even try to socialize.


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## timegoesback

I actually had lunch a couple of times in the bathroom simply because I didn't want to eat in front of people and there wasn't enough time to walk to my usual deserted spot away from the campus. After that I'd just walk around aimlessly like you until the next class or head to the library or book store.


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## theraven

I see I'm not alone in this then.. wow I feel a bit better. Thanks for sharing with me


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## mixcoatl

You definitely aren't the only one! What happened to your friend from high school? Where does she go to school? Do you keep in contact? 

What club are you in? What are you like in class?

Has anyone ever initiated social contact with you at school? If so, how did you react?


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## aberfeldy

I know what you're going through. It's the same for me. I wander about on my own, sometimes I just go to the library because it's okay to be on your own there... I spend a long time in the bathrooms too. Sometimes if I get to a lecture 20 minutes early, I will just stand for a long time there, staring at the wall. It's better than standing around on my own where other people will be waiting for my lecture too, just looking lonely.

It's good to know I'm not the only one. Sometimes when I'm walking about, I wonder where all the other bored/lonely people are, and if they're walking about too... It sucks. I would love to find other people like me at my college. Sometimes I don't say a single word all day until I get home. Ugh...


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## theraven

mixcoatl said:


> You definitely aren't the only one! What happened to your friend from high school? Where does she go to school? Do you keep in contact?
> 
> What club are you in? What are you like in class?
> 
> Has anyone ever initiated social contact with you at school? If so, how did you react?


She went to a college in another state. She hardly ever even uses her FaceBook.

It's like a track team and what we do is run. I have tryed to start convos about our training and working out but aside from that none of those people even talk to me if it isn't about track. All of them are constantly going to clubs and partying and I see it in their facebook pictures and I feel so bad because I'm the only one from the team that's not there. I have them all on Facebook because they have added me but yet they don't hang out with me or even ask me to... :|

Hardly anyone has started a convo with me. The last time someone did it was a guy in my class 3 days ago asking me what was going to be in our quiz. I smiled and acted friendly and helped him. After that no more contact. Where I work my supervisor must really hate me. She is nice to me but she acts very forced. I can tell because the last time I went to work she asked the other workers to go into another office to have coffee with her and tell her all about how they hung out in the weekend... and there I was outside hearing their conversations, alone, feeling left out again..:no


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## theraven

aberfeldy said:


> I know what you're going through. It's the same for me. I wander about on my own, sometimes I just go to the library because it's okay to be on your own there... I spend a long time in the bathrooms too. Sometimes if I get to a lecture 20 minutes early, I will just stand for a long time there, staring at the wall. It's better than standing around on my own where other people will be waiting for my lecture too, just looking lonely.
> 
> It's good to know I'm not the only one. Sometimes when I'm walking about, I wonder where all the other bored/lonely people are, and if they're walking about too... It sucks. I would love to find other people like me at my college. Sometimes I don't say a single word all day until I get home. Ugh...


I have gone to the library sometimes too but the tables are crowded with people and their groups of friends hanging out. So I'm forced to make believe I'm using the computers to "do homework" when in reality I'm just bored and alone. I don't sit in a table alone because it'd make me look pathetic me alone in a table while everybody is in a table full of their friends...

I wonder the same thing too. Sometimes I have felt a bit alright by seeing some people nearby me too alone but a couple of minutes later their friends show up and there I am once again looking like an outcast. I get so nervous that those groups of people are laughing at me for being alone so once again I get up and walk for hours making believe I am going somewhere til I have class again... so I know how you feel. I'm not glad that other people are going through this same sucky situation but I'm glad I can atleast I can connect via this forum with others about this


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## supersoshychick

You're not alone. College is tough, but I'm sure you can make it through! don't lose hope


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## changeforthebetter

i know exactly how you feel, in a year of uni i have made no friends, there is one person i know enough to say hi too when walking past but thats about it

i live of campus, i only have to spend lunch at campus 1 time a week due to my class times, i go down the street and eat lunch in my car then just walk around / sit in the park, i hate it and when it rains making it too wet for me too walk to my car well..:timear:um:|:hide:yawn:rain:help:lurkops


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## theraven

changeforthebetter said:


> i know exactly how you feel, in a year of uni i have made no friends, there is one person i know enough to say hi too when walking past but thats about it
> 
> i live of campus, i only have to spend lunch at campus 1 time a week due to my class times, i go down the street and eat lunch in my car then just walk around / sit in the park, i hate it and when it rains making it too wet for me too walk to my car well..:timear:um:|:hide:yawn:rain:help:lurkops


I live off of campus too. I hate it when it rains too because the lonely spot where I go sit in is wet.... so I'm forced to go inside and feel like I'm being watched..


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## mrMoldyBread

I have the same problem. Almost everybody else in my college belong in block sections so they hang out with their own class. I picked my own schedule so it made me an irregular, but I wouldn't have to stay for lunch, and in each of my classes I have to deal with different sets of people who are practically strangers. 

I become very out of place when the prof. has nothing else to do and the whole class gets chatty and happy. It's pretty depressing.

It's also very inconvenient when the whole class would have to meet up and do a project or activity or something. There was this one activity called "immersion" for religion education where in the students had to live with "marginalized"(I can't find a better word) families for one and a half day. It could've been a good experience if I was grouped with people I was close to, but unfortunately I was not. I wanted to run around the grass, or fly a kite, or ask around the neighborhood, but I couldn't because there were lots of students whom I did not know outside. I just stayed in the hut of the family we were assigned to while some dudes, including my group mates, were secretly getting drunk in the other house. I felt like $h*t after the activity.


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## opalsky

Hi Theraven!
I'm in the exact same position as you - 19, in uni, (but in my 1st year), no friends, social life etc. etc. 
But...I...actually enjoy it! I think of it like this: there are no complications (that come with having friends), I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want. I try to be my own best friend, and use that as an exercise to try and overcome self hatred. It's easier to be by yourself when you try to embrace being alone...but i've found that if I get stuck in self-loathing, I find it unbearable to be alone, because I feel that I need other people's friendship to feel better about myself. So I believe that there is a lot of good to be said about trying to be compassionate and kind to yourself..which I guess is easier said then done. But never give up, you aren't alone!

Also, you can be mischievious (in a good way). You can post random things up in toilet cubicles and on the desks in the library. I found that you don't need thousands of friends to go and do fun or itneresting things. Try doing something by yourself (even if you feel like people are judging you) - it's kind of like a fun way to help yourself out.  I like to sit on the 4th-5th story of the library, near the windows and observe people. Lots of people sit by themselves/ walk by themselves, so try doing this. You'll see that you aren't alone!!

Best of luck!


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## LoneWolf53

I am the same way. I go to college in a big city, which makes me feel even more alone. I don't go to the cafeteria to eat because I don't want people to see me eat alone. It is common for me to go through my day without talking to anyone. I'm beginning to think my only friend is Netflix...


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## purplefruit

I've already graduated university, but my experience wasn't great. I was lucky enough that my best friend was at the same uni in the same program, but we rarely hung out at school because she had new friends who were a lot more fun than I was. There was another girl who seemed to want to be friends but I avoided her a lot. I dropped classes often because I felt like I would feel too lonely, or because there was groupwork involved. I used to eat or spend my free time in whatever random deserted/low traffic areas I could find, usually sitting on the floor in a hallway. I sat on the hard floor so often that I had back pain. I'd take the underground pathways around campus to avoid encountering people. I've never had a boyfriend and never joined any clubs in uni. The only thing I did on campus other than go to classes and sit/wander around aimlessly during breaks, was go to work. And yeah that was my life for the entire 5+ years of university which included a few summers because I kept dropping and failing classes.

So basically you're not alone.


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## nycdude

mrMoldyBread said:


> I have the same problem. Almost everybody else in my college belong in block sections so they hang out with their own class. I picked my own schedule so it made me an irregular, but I wouldn't have to stay for lunch, *and in each of my classes I have to deal with different sets of people who are practically strangers.
> 
> I become very out of place when the prof. has nothing else to do and the whole class gets chatty and happy. It's pretty depressing.*
> 
> It's also very inconvenient when the whole class would have to meet up and do a project or activity or something. There was this one activity called "immersion" for religion education where in the students had to live with "marginalized"(I can't find a better word) families for one and a half day. It could've been a good experience if I was grouped with people I was close to, but unfortunately I was not. I wanted to run around the grass, or fly a kite, or ask around the neighborhood, but I couldn't because there were lots of students whom I did not know outside. I just stayed in the hut of the family we were assigned to while some dudes, including my group mates, were secretly getting drunk in the other house. I felt like $h*t after the activity.


Same here dude, plus i can't seem to make any friends since i don't speak to no one and they do not seem like my type of friend.


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## laura024

mrMoldyBread said:


> I become very out of place when the prof. has nothing else to do and the whole class gets chatty and happy. It's pretty depressing.


I thought this only happened in high school? If my professors have nothing else to do or say for the day, (which is rare) we're told to leave early. Thank goodness for no down time. I'd probably read or study by myself anyway.


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## theraven

I've been starting to accept myself recently as to how I am and being like this. But sometimes I think to myself that when I'm older and look back I'd like some memories that really made my time worthwhile.... and remembering my younger self alone for 3 hours in a corner everyday while thinking people are judging me is not how I want it. I want to remember myself with some friends or a part of something :/


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## krista91

theraven said:


> I've been starting to accept myself recently as to how I am and being like this. But sometimes I think to myself that when I'm older and look back I'd like some memories that really made my time worthwhile.... and remembering my younger self alone for 3 hours in a corner everyday while thinking people are judging me is not how I want it. I want to remember myself with some friends or a part of something :/


I understand how you feel. I'm in uni and a loner, too.
The only advice I could give to you, is that.. you just have to go and socialise. Join some groups, talk to people in your lessons. That's literally the only thing that you can do in order to not be a loner and have friends.. I wish I could do it..


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## theraven

krista91 said:


> I understand how you feel. I'm in uni and a loner, too.
> The only advice I could give to you, is that.. you just have to go and socialise. Join some groups, talk to people in your lessons. That's literally the only thing that you can do in order to not be a loner and have friends.. I wish I could do it..


I wish I could do it too.. I've had the chance a few times to go up to people I know and say "hi" and even join them but I feel like they are thinking i'm a loner/freak so what I'll do is instead I'll make believe I didn't see them and walk away very fast... :no


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## changeforthebetter

i dont get how everybody just seems to automatically know everyone, i know it is probably my own fault but even when i started connections between people seem to happen so fast first day they say hello and have some lengthy in depth discussion throughout the whole break time, second day their going round to the persons house to work on their group assignment while im still sitting there looking like a retard. How do they do it, how do they know what to talk about, anyone else find this?


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## tribute311

college is hard. my freshman year was the loneliest year of my life (i am a senior now). I cried to myself in my 3rd or 4th week of school when I realized I was a pure loner. slowly i started making friends though by end of sophomore year. i started hanging out more with people from a religious club. I'm cool with those people now.

its weird though: i still have no friends in my major. i only have a few people to talk to in class. I don't hang out with people in my major though. I am always lonely in class.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

No, I'm the same way.

What's even worse is that I'm much, much older than the other students in my class, so I can't relate to them. So I'm alone, anyways.


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## theraven

changeforthebetter said:


> i dont get how everybody just seems to automatically know everyone, i know it is probably my own fault but even when i started connections between people seem to happen so fast first day they say hello and have some lengthy in depth discussion throughout the whole break time, second day their going round to the persons house to work on their group assignment while im still sitting there looking like a retard. How do they do it, how do they know what to talk about, anyone else find this?


That's what I'm always wondering... I've seen people meeting today and already 2 days later they have already exchanged numbers and are hanging out together in the weekends while I'm stuck standing next to people I know but with pure silence like I don't know them..


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## theraven

Well... today really sucked for me in college. I had made some progress by going to the gym and training because I'm in track and a guy started helping me use a machine and then in class a girl said she remembered me in high school but today it was horrible. Those 2 people that spoke to me didn't speak to me today and since I'm shy all I did was smile when I saw them. My professor was absent and I had my lunchbreak right after so I spent 3.5 full hours walking around making believe I was going somewhere, sitting in a corner making believe I was studying, eating my lunch really fast in a bathroom(and when someone would enter I'd make believe I was using it too and when they'd leave I'd start eating again =[), sitting in the library making believe I was checking my email on the computer and making believe I left something in my car to go get it and kill time... ugh and then I gave up and sat about 30 minutes alone waiting for my next class on the 2nd floor and while I looked down to the 1st floor I saw tons of people with their groups of friends chatting and chilling. When it was time to leave I saw a group of people from my track team outside all tallking and since they probably think/know I'm a loner I saw them and couldn't find the way to interrupt their convo just to say "Hi" so I took my phone and made believe I was talking to someone all the way til the parking lot. I felt so stupid talking to myself on the phone. =(


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## changeforthebetter

theraven said:


> eating my lunch really fast in a bathroom(and when someone would enter I'd make believe I was using it too and when they'd leave I'd start eating again =[),


that sucks, i know it does because it is exactly how i spent some of my lunchtimes at highschool even this bit ^^^
But the good thing is you know what it is (social anxiety) and you are trying to work it out, so it can only get better from here on even though sometimes it might seem like a long hard journey. When did you find out about social anxiety? i only really found out and admitted i had it about three weeks ago when i signed up for this forum.

the people on here will always be your friends


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## Dre53

I'm currently a freshman in college and face many of the same issues. I have no friends there and do everything alone. I'm lucky that I go to college only about 30 minutes from where I live, and have still kept contact with some of my high school friends who are still in HS or living at home. As far as at college though I don't see myself ever reaching out to make friends there. I don't like partying and as best I can tell that's essentially how you make friends at my college. People in classes don't talk to each other. If they do it's never like they're a real friend-it's just about what's on the quiz or other brief small talk about the class.

With all this being said I really don't mind being a loner there. I try to be as creative as possible in what I do and maybe you could benefit from the same. There actually are lots of things you can do alone and not even appear weird to others. My favorite are exercise related activities, go to the gym, run, go for bike rides (this one especially is great!), they're fun for me and it's not a problem being alone. I also try to go to sports events in the area, sure most people are there with someone but usually you can easily hide if you want and when you just focus on the game and watch others. It's actually been fun for the most part even when I'm alone. 

Another thing which I've mostly gotten over is worrying about how others perceive me. Almost all the time I'm among people who I don't know at all and most likely will never see again so I really don't care what they think of me. Just listen to music or something and don't look at others at all....I've become good at this. I definitely relate with walking away when I see people who I know though. There are people from my HS at my college and I always avoid them because I think they probably have tons of friends and all that and I'd appear inadequate. I don't feel this at all though with people I don't know though-I couldn't care less how they view me. I hope things get better for you. As for me there are times when I wish I had more friends at college and if an opportunity comes up I'd make friends but I think I can get along just fine the way I am.


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## Girl in the window

I feel the same way. College sucks so much. Last semester I lived on campus and I used to go to class and then I spent the rest of the time in my room. Bubble shooter and netflix got a lot of use from me. I am pretty sure my roommate thought I was crazy but sometimes she would invite me to go somewhere with her and her friends. Inside I would br screaming "YES YES YES" but I would always just say "No I'm busy, sorry". I liked class because most of them were so big that no one noticed I was alone. Then I hated getting food alone so I just wouldn't go but I felt so guilty for wasting my parents money that I would just sit in my room and cry. A few weeks in they opened a place where I could get my lunch and eat somewhere else so I started sitting out side when it was nice. That was better but I kept hoping someone would see me and know how lonely I was and talk to me, but in reality if this ever did happen I would be to scared to share anything with them and they would just move on when I don't invite them to do anything. After a semester of this I switched to community college and it is better since I just go there go to class and come right home, but I am so lonely still and really want friends. Oh last semester I also went to a group for the whole semester but never made any friends from it and just always felt like the outcast. Which was exagerated by facebook because I would see all these posts from people and they were hanging out together but they would never call me and it really really hurt. Gosh I hate facebook yet I can't bring myself to get rid of it. I did have one friend at my first college and I would meet up with her for about 30 minutes a few times a week between class but she lived at home. She agreed with me that college is too lonely (she doesn't even have SAD, this is nice cuz there are other lonely people but also kinda frustrating becasue even non SAD peeps are lonely, so there really is no hope for me) Sorry this is so long and kinda off topic a little I just am right in the middle of all this and it is really getting to me and it is nice to be able to talk about it with people who actually get it and don't just think the whole SAD thing is BS like my sister tells me.


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## Dre53

I guess I'm different from many others in that in being alone I try to spend as little time in the dorm as possible rather than being there all day. I really hate living in a dorm, I knew I would hate it from the beginning and told my parents but they're like "No you have to get that 'college experience'". Because of them I'm going to have no choice but to live in a dorm again next year. But yeah I think for many in this situation spending little time there is better than being there all day. Go the library, go to the gym, get food, just do something, it makes me feel a lot better by being anywhere except my dorm room.


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## FakeFur

Yesterday in my Sociology class, my professor said something like "make sure to make the best of these years, because this is the only time you'll be allowed to do whatever you want and go crazy. When you're older you'll look back at these years with fond memories". 

He's a great professor and such a nice guy, but hearing those words instantly made me extremely sad. It just reminded me of all the experiences I'm missing out on, and will never be able to have once I'm older. I'd love to go out with friends and be crazy, but instead I'm a complete loner who never does anything. I don't have a single friend right now. And whenever someone is interested in talking to me, I never fail to get scared and push them away somehow. I feel like people think I'm either stuck up, or really weird.

Sometimes I get so sensitive. Like, just seeing a group of friends hanging out and laughing together, will make me really sad at times. I just get so gosh darn anxious around people, and I have no clue how to correctly start talking to someone I see around, get to know someone, and become friends with someone, or to actually make a group of friends. I just really suck when it comes to people, and I often feel like a loser because of it.


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## purplefruit

theraven said:


> .


I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

You mentioned going to your car. So you commute? Why not go home during super long breaks. I used to have crazy breaks (5+ hours) and lived 2 hours away from school, so I'd go home and dump some of my textbooks off, sit for a few minutes, then go back to school. It was better than hanging around campus pretending to be busy.


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## wrongnumber

I was a loner most of the time in uni. I spent a lot of time wondering around, and hiding in cubicles and libraries. Occasionally someone would be friendly to me, but I was too shy and would avoid them later. 

In about third year I kinda made some friends. When I say friends I mean a bunch of people to sit next to in class. But I wasn't even properly part of that group and I only got in because one guy was particularly friendly and would sit next to me, and everyone else would follow.


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## theraven

changeforthebetter said:


> that sucks, i know it does because it is exactly how i spent some of my lunchtimes at highschool even this bit ^^^
> But the good thing is you know what it is (social anxiety) and you are trying to work it out, so it can only get better from here on even though sometimes it might seem like a long hard journey. When did you find out about social anxiety? i only really found out and admitted i had it about three weeks ago when i signed up for this forum.
> 
> the people on here will always be your friends


I suspected I had social anxiety about 8 months ago but didn't confirm it til I came across this site and realized I wasn't shy.. it was worse.


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## theraven

Dre53 said:


> I'm currently a freshman in college and face many of the same issues. I have no friends there and do everything alone. I'm lucky that I go to college only about 30 minutes from where I live, and have still kept contact with some of my high school friends who are still in HS or living at home. As far as at college though I don't see myself ever reaching out to make friends there. I don't like partying and as best I can tell that's essentially how you make friends at my college. People in classes don't talk to each other. If they do it's never like they're a real friend-it's just about what's on the quiz or other brief small talk about the class.
> 
> With all this being said I really don't mind being a loner there. I try to be as creative as possible in what I do and maybe you could benefit from the same. There actually are lots of things you can do alone and not even appear weird to others. My favorite are exercise related activities, go to the gym, run, go for bike rides (this one especially is great!), they're fun for me and it's not a problem being alone. I also try to go to sports events in the area, sure most people are there with someone but usually you can easily hide if you want and when you just focus on the game and watch others. It's actually been fun for the most part even when I'm alone.
> 
> Another thing which I've mostly gotten over is worrying about how others perceive me. Almost all the time I'm among people who I don't know at all and most likely will never see again so I really don't care what they think of me. Just listen to music or something and don't look at others at all....I've become good at this. I definitely relate with walking away when I see people who I know though. There are people from my HS at my college and I always avoid them because I think they probably have tons of friends and all that and I'd appear inadequate. I don't feel this at all though with people I don't know though-I couldn't care less how they view me. I hope things get better for you. As for me there are times when I wish I had more friends at college and if an opportunity comes up I'd make friends but I think I can get along just fine the way I am.


I don't like partying either especially til 5 am or drinking beer til I lose consciousness like they do here... I guess that could explain why I don't "fit in" with the "groups". I totally get you with the HS people. I hate it when I run into 1 or 2 of em.... I feel comfortable somtimes being a loner but when I run into old HS people I feel like they are judging me and are thinking "Hah she's now a loner more than ever".


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## curly

changeforthebetter said:


> i dont get how everybody just seems to automatically know everyone, i know it is probably my own fault but even when i started connections between people seem to happen so fast first day they say hello and have some lengthy in depth discussion throughout the whole break time, second day their going round to the persons house to work on their group assignment while im still sitting there looking like a retard. How do they do it, how do they know what to talk about, anyone else find this?


I know what you mean. I look around campus and wonder how it is that everyone seems to have found a group of friends except for me. I'm not sure what it is about me that makes me so "different" - I try to be as friendly as the next guy... But obviously I'm doing something wrong - it's now my third year, and I haven't a single friend.

Such is life...


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## curly

theraven said:


> I don't like partying either especially til 5 am or drinking beer til I lose consciousness like they do here... I guess that could explain why I don't "fit in" with the "groups". I totally get you with the HS people. I hate it when I run into 1 or 2 of em.... I feel comfortable somtimes being a loner but when I run into old HS people I feel like they are judging me and are thinking "Hah she's now a loner more than ever".


THIS. I don't know where you're from, but at the uni where I study in Australia THE MAIN social activity is clubbing or drinking, neither of which I like. I mean, I don't mind a drink or two occasionally, but I don't see the appeal in drinking myself half to death several times a week.

So yeah... That's probably a major reason I haven't made any real friends at uni...


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## Salus

No, ur not the only one. Have you noticed any other out casts in your class?


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## max87

Yes, i can totally relate to that. 
i hgang around with a group of around 5 to 7 people usually, but i barely talk when i`m with them, i`m very silent. 
They don`t seem to reject me but i tend to believe they talk things about me behind my back, in parties and social reunions that i don`t usually go and end up feeling terrible about cause when they invite me, i tend to say yes without wanting to go. 
So, in essence, i`m a loner because i just hang with them, but i do not conseder them my friends. And like you said, i think i am the only one with problems socialising from the very begining something that made me feel awfull the first days of school.


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## theraven

mimcofied said:


> No, ur not the only one. Have you noticed any other out casts in your class?


Just 1 guy who is always listening to music alone...


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## theraven

curly said:


> THIS. I don't know where you're from, but at the uni where I study in Australia THE MAIN social activity is clubbing or drinking, neither of which I like. I mean, I don't mind a drink or two occasionally, but I don't see the appeal in drinking myself half to death several times a week.
> 
> So yeah... That's probably a major reason I haven't made any real friends at uni...


The same here. I'm from New York.


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## nonso

As if SA on its own isn't bad enough, I'm also a transfer student and a commuter. I go to a small private university and it's very clique-y where everyone seems to know each other. I'm not originally from this area either (not like I had a ton of friends where I used to live) but it definitely makes it harder to "make connections".

It seems like everyone has their group already and they're not interested in welcoming in anyone unless they know you through mutual friends. I've also noticed a lot of students have this "better than you" air about them. I hate to say it but it intimidates the hell out of me.

Today I left at the break in one of my classes because we had to do group work. It was so obvious. I felt like such a failure but I couldn't deal with it.

I know college isn't for me. I'm incapable of socializing and no one will ever approach me first and I don't blame them. But it's my only option right now in life, I know this because I left last semester because of all this and all I did was isolate myself. I couldn't even hold on to a retail job. At least school gives me some purpose and maybe a little hope for the future.


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## Dre53

A small private college probably isn't best for someone with SA. From what I can tell (I've been around such colleges for much of my life) that "better than you" attitude and a very clique-y atmosphere is very common there. It's a lot easier to be a loner at a large public university where the vast majority in any given room/class don't know each other.


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## katling

I know a lot of you don't like living in a dorm, but I actually really miss dorm life. Even though nobody was really my friend, no one ever treated me like an outcast, they would at least say hi if we passed in the hall or something. Nowadays I live by myself in this tiny apartment... I can easily go for weeks without speaking to anyone who even knows my name. It's kinda sucky and lonely.


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## NikNak31

katling said:


> I know a lot of you don't like living in a dorm, but I actually really miss dorm life. Even though nobody was really my friend, no one ever treated me like an outcast, they would at least say hi if we passed in the hall or something. Nowadays I live by myself in this tiny apartment... I can easily go for weeks without speaking to anyone who even knows my name. It's kinda sucky and lonely.


awww I kbnow that feeling, sucks doesnt it. I couldnt see a way out of it. So moved back home.I did like living on my own just was lonely.


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## Dire

@OP

I understand and can relate to how you feel. Terrible feeling. But after a bit of time in college I learned something important.

*"You can make far more friends in 2 months by taking an interest in other people, than 2 years of trying to get people interested in you."*

Very true. College is all about taking risks and stepping outside of your comfort zone every now in then. Make an initiative to meet new people. Instead of waiting for someone or something to come along, be that ideal friend to someone else. Easier said than done, but it's worth the risk in the end.


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## theraven

nonso said:


> As if SA on its own isn't bad enough, I'm also a transfer student and a commuter. I go to a small private university and it's very clique-y where everyone seems to know each other. I'm not originally from this area either (not like I had a ton of friends where I used to live) but it definitely makes it harder to "make connections".
> 
> It seems like everyone has their group already and they're not interested in welcoming in anyone unless they know you through mutual friends. I've also noticed a lot of students have this "better than you" air about them. I hate to say it but it intimidates the hell out of me.
> 
> Today I left at the break in one of my classes because we had to do group work. It was so obvious. I felt like such a failure but I couldn't deal with it.
> 
> I know college isn't for me. I'm incapable of socializing and no one will ever approach me first and I don't blame them. But it's my only option right now in life, I know this because I left last semester because of all this and all I did was isolate myself. I couldn't even hold on to a retail job. At least school gives me some purpose and maybe a little hope for the future.


I know how you feel!! I recently moved here not too long ago either and still am an outsider.


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## theraven

Dire said:


> @OP
> 
> I understand and can relate to how you feel. Terrible feeling. But after a bit of time in college I learned something important.
> 
> *"You can make far more friends in 2 months by taking an interest in other people, than 2 years of trying to get people interested in you."*
> 
> Very true. College is all about taking risks and stepping outside of your comfort zone every now in then. Make an initiative to meet new people. Instead of waiting for someone or something to come along, be that ideal friend to someone else. Easier said than done, but it's worth the risk in the end.


This could be true. I've been trying to break from my shell and it is starting to work. In my track team club I arrived early so I stayed alone in the office studying. Some minutes later some other members arrived and sat near me. Since I was studying alone, I stopped studying and looked at the nearest person next to me and said(kinda nervous though but took the risk): "I hate having all these exams the same week. Have you taken them all already or are we in the same boat?" It was a guy too which made me even more nervous. To my surprise I wasn't rejected or laughed at or ignored. He answered and we made some small talk. I saw him in college today too and he waved at me... I may have just made a friend or maybe not but atleast it's enough to have somebody to say hello to.


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## Lenfer cest les autres

You're definately not alone. I'm a freshman in college and have zero friends. I'd say you're lucky being a commuter, because I signed up to live in the dorms, thinking it would be good for my SA, but that definately wasn't the case. My roommate is a shallow b*tch and not very understanding at all. She thinks I'm "weird" and that "I don't like people." just becasue I'm quiet. I spend most of my time avoiding being in the room, and usually wait until she's asleep to come in just so I don't have to face her (pathetic, I know). I do this because she gives me a death glare whenever she sees me, even though I try to be nice to her, and Its painful to have someone hate me, when i'm already alone and have no one to talk to. At the beginning of the year, the people on my floor tried to be nice to me and start conversations, but I would get so nervous that I couldn't really talk back, so they've mostly given up on me. I can't start conversations with people and its very hard to talk to someone when they already have the expectation that you wont talk to them becasue you're anti-social and you dont want to. I Also eat alone, but my school is small, so if I wait long enough I can usually come in when the cafeteria is fairly empty. I can relate to what you said about walking around trying to look busy. I also spend hours walking aimlessly around my campus, and I do it so often its actually starting to become the high point of my day. The rest of my time, I spend working in my studio (I'm an art student). I spend literally hour upon hour trying to get each project looking absolutely perfect, to avoid being alone with nothing to do, where I'll be forced to confront the fact that I have absolutely no life. When the project is finished, I usually go back to walking around, or just sit there pretending to be working on something, studying, or just sit staring at it. One of the main problems in college is that parties are the main way to socialize, and while parties seem fun to just about everybody else, they just dont make sense to me. I think that no matter how hard I try, the idea of being trapped in a loud, hot, cramped, room with sweaty drunk people from wall to wall will never appeal to me, and that, unfortunatley is one of the main things keeping me from having anything that resembles a life.


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## Dre53

Lenfer cest les autres said:


> You're definately not alone. I'm a freshman in college and have zero friends. I'd say you're lucky being a commuter, because I signed up to live in the dorms, thinking it would be good for my SA, but that definately wasn't the case. My roommate is a shallow b*tch and not very understanding at all. She thinks I'm "weird" and that "I don't like people." just becasue I'm quiet. I spend most of my time avoiding being in the room, and usually wait until she's asleep to come in just so I don't have to face her (pathetic, I know). I do this because she gives me a death glare whenever she sees me, even though I try to be nice to her, and Its painful to have someone hate me, when i'm already alone and have no one to talk to. At the beginning of the year, the people on my floor tried to be nice to me and start conversations, but I would get so nervous that I couldn't really talk back, so they've mostly given up on me. I can't start conversations with people and its very hard to talk to someone when they already have the expectation that you wont talk to them becasue you're anti-social and you dont want to. I Also eat alone, but my school is small, so if I wait long enough I can usually come in when the cafeteria is fairly empty. I can relate to what you said about walking around trying to look busy. I also spend hours walking aimlessly around my campus, and I do it so often its actually starting to become the high point of my day. The rest of my time, I spend working in my studio (I'm an art student). I spend literally hour upon hour trying to get each project looking absolutely perfect, to avoid being alone with nothing to do, where I'll be forced to confront the fact that I have absolutely no life. When the project is finished, I usually go back to walking around, or just sit there pretending to be working on something, studying, or just sit staring at it. One of the main problems in college is that parties are the main way to socialize, and while parties seem fun to just about everybody else, they just dont make sense to me. I think that no matter how hard I try, the idea of being trapped in a loud, hot, cramped, room with sweaty drunk people from wall to wall will never appeal to me, and that, unfortunatley is one of the main things keeping me from having anything that resembles a life.


Feel what you're saying for sure. The part about the parties is so true. For me I made some good friends in high school because there you could just talk to people in school about interests and keep the friendship on those terms. You could sometimes do things outside of school but it didn't have to be frequent for them to still be your friend. In college when you're living in the dorms, the way to befriend people is through large social events like parties. You have to live among those people all the time, so if you're not willing to let someone in on the daily schedule of your personal life it's hard to make many friends. That's what I've found at least, and for me that's simply incompatible to how I want to live. For an SA person commuting is a very good option. I'm lucky that I'm very close to where I live so I don't have to be in the dorms _every_ night.


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## theraven

Lenfer cest les autres said:


> You're definately not alone. I'm a freshman in college and have zero friends. I'd say you're lucky being a commuter, because I signed up to live in the dorms, thinking it would be good for my SA, but that definately wasn't the case. My roommate is a shallow b*tch and not very understanding at all. She thinks I'm "weird" and that "I don't like people." just becasue I'm quiet. I spend most of my time avoiding being in the room, and usually wait until she's asleep to come in just so I don't have to face her (pathetic, I know). I do this because she gives me a death glare whenever she sees me, even though I try to be nice to her, and Its painful to have someone hate me, when i'm already alone and have no one to talk to. At the beginning of the year, the people on my floor tried to be nice to me and start conversations, but I would get so nervous that I couldn't really talk back, so they've mostly given up on me. I can't start conversations with people and its very hard to talk to someone when they already have the expectation that you wont talk to them becasue you're anti-social and you dont want to. I Also eat alone, but my school is small, so if I wait long enough I can usually come in when the cafeteria is fairly empty. I can relate to what you said about walking around trying to look busy. I also spend hours walking aimlessly around my campus, and I do it so often its actually starting to become the high point of my day. The rest of my time, I spend working in my studio (I'm an art student). I spend literally hour upon hour trying to get each project looking absolutely perfect, to avoid being alone with nothing to do, where I'll be forced to confront the fact that I have absolutely no life. When the project is finished, I usually go back to walking around, or just sit there pretending to be working on something, studying, or just sit staring at it. One of the main problems in college is that parties are the main way to socialize, and while parties seem fun to just about everybody else, they just dont make sense to me. I think that no matter how hard I try, the idea of being trapped in a loud, hot, cramped, room with sweaty drunk people from wall to wall will never appeal to me, and that, unfortunatley is one of the main things keeping me from having anything that resembles a life.


Thank goodness I live close to my college too... can't you change to another room and use a fake excuse like you want another floor or something? I don't even know your roommate but from what you're saying she sounds like a selfish, stuckup hater or something. I mean goodness! I've never had someone hate me just because I'm shy and glare at me.. Sadly that's what I'd do to if I was in your position - wait til she fell asleep or wasn't there to avoid her. I also know how you feel about people giving up on you. It feels horrible. The start of this semester I once again tried to be more "outgoing" and "social" and be in a "group" and since people noticed I was either shy or a loner they kinda stopped starting conversations with me.. which sucks. But I have been making progress.


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## Aphexfan

Yea im a junior in college and Ive only made exactly one friend the entire time Ive been here, not that we're really close but we do talk from time to time. The only time Ive ever actually "hung out" with people was for group work, and even then I would mostly sit in silence and not have really much to say, and through out all three years I have never once actually sat down and ate in the cafe because Ive never had anyone to eat lunch with :hide so I know exactly what your going through


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## van0014

Being alone at school is THE worst feeling. I know a lot of people at my school, and get along some of them. But i dont have any mates i can hang around at lunchtimes. In class i am generally fine, and even talk a little if im next to the right people. But on the breaks, or anytime i have to find my own thing to do, theres just noone i can go to so i just end up walking around a bit looking for stuff to do, and eventually sitting down by myself in a place not many people go past. I just sit there, and either think about stuff, or check facebook on my phone or even play games. 

This one day, someone must have knew i was a loner and they came up to me and let me hang out with them but after a few minutes of that i realised i wasnt really fitting in so i left to be alone again. Another thing i liked to do to get away from people was sit in a toilet cubicle for the whole lunchtime. That way i know noone will know im there and noone will notice me being alone. But that plan didn't work after a group of people started hanging out there. Because i believe the people will see me go in and will notice im taking a while and will think im even more strange.

Ive been thinking, for all the trouble school puts me through, since im in year 12, i think i am better off leaving now. School created SA for me, and its only going to make it worse.


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## Amarande

Your definitely not alone :clap, the only thing I had to look forward to was seeing my girlfriend and now that we broke up its just me and my computer alone at a table in the snack area. I wanted to join some kind of sport because that was the easiest way to seem somewhat connected but i just don't have the time with work and classes. i commute as well so that doesn't always help. I usually get awkward stares from some people in my classes and that bothers me . I do most of my homework at school b/c i have so much time between most of my classes, i do have a couple friends that go to my college but none of them have the same days or breaks as me, making friends can be hard in college as im not the type to get drunk or party at all. :sigh i know not everyone is like that but it seems like most are. It probably doesn't help that i have my headphones in everywhere i go


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## ZRebellion

This thread makes me depressed...because it reminds me of my reality.
A sad and hard reality.**** if only I could meet you guys IRL,find other loners.

But I've been thinking.What is really bothering us?
The fact that we are alone?Or is it that we feel judged?

I am alone very much at home,and I feel AWESOME being alone at home.I have my computer,my games,my movies and tv shows online...yet when it comes to school being alone is a living hell,a TRUE MENTAL TORTURE.

The truth is,we are being tortured by ourselves,the fear of being laughed at by other people,or being pitied,looking pathetic...if ONLY I could act like myself at school,being fine with being ''alone'',cause I don't care,but then there's this psychic monster that kicks in....the one that reminds that being alone is not fine,and you're being watched,judged,a truely horribly feeling.

What I am considering trying to do,is trying to accept myself completely.
''Come out'' as a loner.Act like a true loner,assume that I don't have any friends,and not being ashamed of it.But that day I will come out,is the day I will be blessed with a lot of courage.


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## nonso

joinmartin said:


> You've got lots of hope for the future. I love how you've written about this. Glossing over the fact that you must have actually achieved something to get into this college in the first place?
> 
> You get into what seems to be a good college and yet you have doubts about what you can achieve? Hmm...natural. We all have them. But you're not incapable of socialising.


Sarcasm?


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## nonso

Actually your whole response is confusing. I don't know if it is meant to be facetious.

My concerns really do not have anything to do with the academic aspect of college. I know I worked hard to get into my school and I am proud to go there. Fortunately whatever I'm going through right now isn't affecting my grades.

Maybe I just haven't found the right people yet, I don't know. Or maybe it's just me. I can't form relationships.


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## reliefseeker

Wow...The things that I'm about to say are already mentioned here. I'm speechless now. 

I wonder why is it so hard to find someone who doesn't mind getting along with shy or quiet people. 
It's not like shy people are completely mute right. 
At least they bring peacefulness to the environment...I don't see why they deserve to be outcasted.

Last time I used have a clique consist of quiet and shy people, 
we don't gossip or talk most of the time, but we do mix pretty well with the cool & talkative ones. Man how I missed those days.....


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## Greyfox78659

nonso said:


> As if SA on its own isn't bad enough, I'm also a transfer student and a commuter. I go to a small private university and it's very clique-y where everyone seems to know each other. I'm not originally from this area either (not like I had a ton of friends where I used to live) but it definitely makes it harder to "make connections".
> 
> It seems like everyone has their group already and they're not interested in welcoming in anyone unless they know you through mutual friends. I've also noticed a lot of students have this "better than you" air about them. I hate to say it but it intimidates the hell out of me.
> 
> Today I left at the break in one of my classes because we had to do group work. It was so obvious. I felt like such a failure but I couldn't deal with it.
> 
> I know college isn't for me. I'm incapable of socializing and no one will ever approach me first and I don't blame them. But it's my only option right now in life, I know this because I left last semester because of all this and all I did was isolate myself. I couldn't even hold on to a retail job. At least school gives me some purpose and maybe a little hope for the future.


I feel for you, keep trying, you have some hope. I don't even have school to look forward I can't afford it now. I was ran off from my last job. Though now I have the resolved to never become someone's slave ever again, and I have become self employed. :clapWhich leaves with almost no one to talk too.:| But, no one to take crap from either.:boogie


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## Cruella

Good to know "we" are not alone with this.
I'm in first semester and when I think about it, it could be worse but...hm it also could be better. I can relate to everything you others said here. I also wander around when there is nobody I know around. There are only two people I really can go to and talk to. Saying hi is very common here, it was new to me that everyone is saying hi to everybody when you come by oO but it's nice I guess  I only eat in the cafeteria when I'm with some people after class and we go together, otherwise I walk around in the city because I don't want to be seen alone. I'm too anxious to sit with people there I don't know, even people I know, I think they don't want me to sit with them and there is always this pressure that I have to make a conversation and I'm always so nervous because I want to make a nice impression so they don't give up on talking to me...*sigh*
I don't think I can really change it for second semeser  The other newbies already hang around with their new friends and go to parties and so on and I was never really invited. I think it's because I don't live in the city where my college is like most of the others. But I don't want to go to parties anyway... it's just that it's so unpleasent when they talk about the fun they had and yeah... it sucks...
At least I have one good friend left from high school and we do something with a few others from back then once in a while. No new friends outside college


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## Paulo

Prolly someone already pointed this out, but renting a room with roommate help a bit. Just hang in there. Join a Tennis club  

once you finish college and hopefully you picked a good skilled school. You'll make money and youll be amaze how much the door it will open. I know its kinda shallow but it helps a bit... specially with SA we need help bit by bit.

Been there... in your shoes 


PS, english is my second language so excuse my grammar


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd

The cafeteria and Thursday, Friday, Saturday were the hardest parts of dorm life for me. The cafeteria was scary and filled with people talking with each other and I never saw anyone eating by themselves and I didn't want to bring attention to myself so I took all my meals up to my room which was equally hard as I had to pass all the people in the halls with my food. Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, consisted of me either transporting home if I was lucky or staying in my room while people came in and out of our common living space screaming and partying. My dorm mates always had people over instead of going out to peoples' places. One of the worst times of my life. I'd be happy to get a single person apartment no matter how expensive it is.


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## FakeFur

THEuTASTEsOFeINKd said:


> The cafeteria and Thursday, Friday, Saturday were the hardest parts of dorm life for me. The cafeteria was scary and filled with people talking with each other and I never saw anyone eating by themselves and I didn't want to bring attention to myself so I took all my meals up to my room which was equally hard as I had to pass all the people in the halls with my food. Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, consisted of me either transporting home if I was lucky or staying in my room while people came in and out of our common living space screaming and partying. My dorm mates always had people over instead of going out to peoples' places. One of the worst times of my life. I'd be happy to get a single person apartment no matter how expensive it is.


I know what you mean about the cafeteria. For my freshman year, I used to eat by myself in the dorm cafeteria every night. There were usually one or two other people by themselves, but of course, most people were with someone or in groups. This year though, if I'm in my dorm for dinner time, I always bring it up to my room. I never eat there anymore. I started to feel like a loser for always eating by myself, and I know some people noticed I always did. I have yet to ever eat lunch or dinner with a friend since being in college. It sucks.

My roommate last year would always have a bunch of friends over, so I know how you feel. I hated it. It was so awkward too, because they'd be chatting with each other all the time or playing music loudly, meanwhile since I have no social life, I never left our room and was just totally quiet. This year though, my roommate doesn't have people over often, and she's much nicer. Thank god.


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## WildeVane

Haha I do ALL those things. I'm halfway though the last semester of my second year and sometimes I still catch myself doing those things. In first year I would walk around aimlessly pretending I had stuff to do. Lately, I kind of actually have stuff to do and keep myself busy with school work. I'm back and forth between the library and my locker for most of the day.

I also actively avoid people I like or know too. I hate myself for doing it but it's like an uncontrollable impulse of mine. There is this girl I think is really cool that I wanted to be friends with since like the first year but I avoid her like the plague -_-. I'm afraid she'll think I'm lame or something. She smiles at me every now and then or says hi and I feel like bursting into song haha but other times she just ignores me. I guess I can't blame her...since sometimes I pretend to ignore her too. It's so weird. 

There's also this insanely hot guy who by some miracle introduced himself to me in the first week but I ended up ignoring/avoiding him too. He still says hi every now and again but bleh....I really regret all the potential friendships I chickened out of.


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## Diacetylmorphine

im probably the biggest loner at my uni. Really miss the high school days when i at least had a couple of friends to hang around with.


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## InMyDreams55

Can totally relate here....


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## learnfromit55

crimsoncora said:


> Omg story of my life!
> 
> Does anyone go to college in san diego? Maybe we could be friends if we go to same school.


This is exactly what I was thinking! Do any of us go to the same school?


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## george480

I am also the biggest loner in my college.

I live on campus at the moment and it really sucks. The worst part of it is eating in the dining hall. In the first two weeks or so it wasn't so bad as some people actually spoke to me and we introduced ourselves to each other, but now I never speak to anyone while having meals. A lot of the time I am sitting on my own too. I am pretty sure everyone thinks that I am weird and that I am a loner by now.

I am hoping to commute next semester. Even though it is a one hour drive from home I think it will still beat living on campus.


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## daniel1989

I hate it too, at least I can have conversations with people but I wouldn't call any of them my friends just random aquaintances. I actually live 2 hours away from campus so it's a pain in the arse to make friends with people who live in sydney.


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## yomrwhite

I'm pretty sure I am. And for me it's pretty simple:

Except for when one of my roommates asks me if I want to eat with him and a few of his friends (probably like once a week/every few weeks) or go hang out with them in a room, I'm always in class, alone in my dorm room, or alone biking around to kill time. I always eat alone.

And I don't even really have a roommate because he doesn't come, so I'm alone on weeknights as well, as my other two roommates are always out really late.

So I have 3 roommates and I'm still basically almost always alone, while people in other rooms seem to be there a lot and their roommates are too and they do stuff together.


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## liilliiliilllil

LOL, I can relate. 

I hide in the bathrooms too or take the longer route just so I wouldn't see a lot of ppl. Free time (even if it's just 15 minutes) is also spent walking aimlessly or pretending to study at the library.


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## Pure Phobia

I spend too much time in my room. Probably majority of my time is in my room and lack any roommate since he switched schools. I manage to have a conversation with a few people on the same floor, but no one really asks me to do anything and I am all to afraid to ask them if I can join them in something.

I'm in a group of chicks (I'm a dude, obviously) for a class and I even have their numbers, but I fear that if I do get the thumbs-up to hang out, I will end up being awkward or boring.

I'm just afraid of being a burden. I need clubs or something.


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## Moltres

Yeah, I'm a loner and I'm a junior because I transferred. It's really hard to avoid people and sometimes it's just overwhelming. I live in student housing and made sure to get a single. I used to have the problem of them having people over, which I bumbled to a pretty stupefying degree and now I feel messed up a lot of opportunities and get into the business of thinking "if only I hadn't been such a spaz." I always tell myself I'll be better and then I just go back to letting myself get freaked whenever I'm outside. I don't eat in dining halls nor need to because of to go boxes. To be honest, if I had to eat in dining halls, it'd probably drive me nuts because everyone else is always in a group. I'm intimidated by girls in particular.


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## final hope

theraven i would just like to tell you that iam not excatlly like you but iam maybe your twin....everything you said is 100% excatlly what i do or happens with me...i pretend to talk on mobile, keep walking in the college,everything you do....and iam currently very depressed and angry because of it and iam really trying to fix it but i dont know whyi keep being like that and it also hurts me very painfully when i see other people happy and joking and having a good time and iam lonely...i also made a topic about it very similar to yours in ( coping with social anxiety ) called( no self-confidence + loneliness + SAS )...please if you do find a real solution please tell me...i always go to college very nervous and thinking a lot about how to make friends what to do and stuff like that that i end up always failing or screwing it up, i just dont know to make friends or what to do in college , i keep thinking whats the way of what to do, how to be friends with people


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## PuRex

theraven said:


> In high school I was shy but I atleast had 1 friend and even had a boyfriend. Right now I'm in my 2nd semester of college. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. NO SOCIAL LIFE. I AM EVEN IN A CLUB AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS... when I see the people I know from a far away distance I change my path just to avoid saying "Hi". I get very nervous. Like for example if I say Hi and they'll ignore me or think I'm a loser.. I haven't had a boyfriend since high school either. I have some guys that like me but I've screwed it up because I am so shy that I avoid them even if I like them. I SPEND MY FREE HOURS OR LUNCH HOURS IN UNIVERSITY EITHER EATING IN MY CAR ALONE or EATING IN A BATHROOM AND WHEN I'M DONE EATING I WALK FOR HOURS JUST TO NOT LET PEOPLE SEE I AM ACTUALLY JUST BORED OR ALONE in my free time. I also make believe I am talking on the phone alot so no one will notice I am lonely. Sometimes I sit in corners and also make believe I am studying so no one will see I am just bored and alone. I have a very big fear of going to a place where I know people and having to be the first one to say hi. The only time I ever got invited to a party I didn't go because I kept thinking of how I'd say hi to the people when I got there and who I'd spend the rest of the party around with or that I'd spend it alone since I have no friends. Since college is very close I also live with my parents and they make me feel bad when they ask me why I never go to parties or go to girls to the malls or regular social stuff 19 year olds do.I like an outcast... What will I do to make friends and stop being like?! Am I the only one who is like this???


I can relate to almost everything you wrote in your post. Its one of the reasons why I quit college in first year. Now I'm sitting hear at the age of 22 kicking myself for it. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life. Things have only gone downhill since. Just stick it out and pray that things get better.


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## theraven

final hope said:


> theraven i would just like to tell you that iam not excatlly like you but iam maybe your twin....everything you said is 100% excatlly what i do or happens with me...i pretend to talk on mobile, keep walking in the college,everything you do....and iam currently very depressed and angry because of it and iam really trying to fix it but i dont know whyi keep being like that and it also hurts me very painfully when i see other people happy and joking and having a good time and iam lonely...i also made a topic about it very similar to yours in ( coping with social anxiety ) called( no self-confidence + loneliness + SAS )...please if you do find a real solution please tell me...i always go to college very nervous and thinking a lot about how to make friends what to do and stuff like that that i end up always failing or screwing it up, i just dont know to make friends or what to do in college , i keep thinking whats the way of what to do, how to be friends with people


Honestly I have gotten better but suddenly when I'm around my family I snap and get angry and depressed for no reasons too and I guess it's because of how I lonely I feel deep inside. I have made improvement though and although I am still a loner last week my professor was absent and I was helping a classmate with homework so I spent that free hour in the cafeteria with someone(I was surprised). It was because I had offered to help her since she had been sick and she said "Sure! Let's go get some lunch and in the cafeteria you can explain". But I'm still a loner. I have started to accept myself though and feel more comfortable as me. What I have done to get better is keep myself busy.. I got 2 part time jobs and since my university has a gym on my free time I go there and excercise. It takes my mind off things and I don't feel isolated from the world because in the gym most people go to work out alone  Plus I go to the computer center we have here and get a head start on my projects so I'm actually busy(and not faking it) and it's good because that way I'm not wasting time.. I too am still nervous about making friends because I get worried about if I say "Hi" to someone they'll think I'm a loser.. but I have taken some chances and haven't gotten rejected yet...


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## final hope

theraven said:


> Honestly I have gotten better but suddenly when I'm around my family I snap and get angry and depressed for no reasons too and I guess it's because of how I lonely I feel deep inside. I have made improvement though and although I am still a loner last week my professor was absent and I was helping a classmate with homework so I spent that free hour in the cafeteria with someone(I was surprised). It was because I had offered to help her since she had been sick and she said "Sure! Let's go get some lunch and in the cafeteria you can explain". But I'm still a loner. I have started to accept myself though and feel more comfortable as me. What I have done to get better is keep myself busy.. I got 2 part time jobs and since my university has a gym on my free time I go there and excercise. It takes my mind off things and I don't feel isolated from the world because in the gym most people go to work out alone  Plus I go to the computer center we have here and get a head start on my projects so I'm actually busy(and not faking it) and it's good because that way I'm not wasting time.. I too am still nervous about making friends because I get worried about if I say "Hi" to someone they'll think I'm a loser.. but I have taken some chances and haven't gotten rejected yet...


great for you but iam still a loner but next year iam transferring to another college because i want to go into a major that's unavailable in my current one so again my mind keeps thinking negatively and i say that iam transferring so why bother making friends in this years that iam not gonna keep and good for you getting yourself busy but iam repeating and iam still in 1st year so i dont have much to do, still just easy and simple things so most of the time iam free and dont have anything to get busy with :S:S


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## torontoperson

I find that eventually, people that are alike in interests, values etc. start to gravitate to each other. They meet in time. It will happen. In the meantime, maybe talk to your parents?


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## InMyDreams55

torontoperson said:


> I find that eventually, people that are alike in interests, values etc. start to gravitate to each other. They meet in time. It will happen. In the meantime, maybe talk to your parents?


I like your positive tude' and i hope you're right.


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## la boheme mimi

ah, the good old days of college and of trying to conceal my lonerism. no, you are not alone. i too had no friends, never went to parties, spent most of time in the library at the farthest corner or hid in the bathroom for a while until i would be able to calm down after an anxiety attack. was i feeling bad for being like this, maybe in a small sense, but i also thought the whole culture of college parties was stupid. anyway, don't feel bad. you are not alone.


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## OneMoreTime

I remember the day of orientation when one of the speakers said "find someone who cares", I guess to become close friend and help each other out. 4 years in I have yet to find that person. So I know the feeling of being alone. Why is this so difficult? Oh yea, social anxiety.


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## Elizabeth419

This is basically my biggest problem as well, I'm hoping to make all of that change soon though..


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## LWLPSK

and I thought I was the only one ...I'd say that my first year of college was the worst, I just felt like I didn't fit in the group...I was kind of depressed at first, but a the end, I was kind of glad, because I could put more energy into my works  

my second year was better though, because i decided that I had to start over...(you have to know that each year is different, you'll meet new people, that may not know you) I tried to make at least 1 friend in each class....and if I have some free time, I'll go to the computer lab. Still a loner, but not as much 

**My advice would be: You have to take the first step if you want to change. Go at your own pace, take it step by step...End the year with a new goal for next year.


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## Shayd

Your certainly not the only one, i left college because of this.


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## Ahhrex

Maybe this will help. for the past like 10 minutes I've been going on a google search spree of "I'm in uni and so shy" haha. I came across this, and the stuff in there seems pretty helpful.
http://www.queendom.com/advices/advice.htm?advice=345

Obviously I'm in the same boat. I'm lucky I have one real friend, although he doesn't go to the same uni as me. I guess the closest thing I have to a friend at uni is this one similarly shy, awkward dude in my maths tute. I've never talked to him outside of class though. And I also eat my lunches alone.

And good to hear that life's getting better for you


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## vulgarrobot

yeah, i don't have any friends. i walk around aimlessly then i sit and people watch. i usually eat lunch in my car. if i don't have anywhere to go/anything to do i just sit in my car and think or read.


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## bedouindress

I feel like a loner, when I'm at uni too. I'm in my fourth year. I go to my classes, where I speak to one friend that I've made, if I'm lucky. I go to the library, and study, where it's okay to sit by myself. At lunch, I sit in the grass area, because people usually sit there by themselves or with one or two friends. It isn't the area where many large groups sit and chat. I have been lucky enough, to join a few societies this year, where I play an active role, but I still feel very lonely. People rarely approach me, but I have definitely made some attempts to make new friends, which have not been entirely successful. I think I may be better at making acquaintances with people, within a school term, but it never becomes a sort of "full-fledged friendship".


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## lavandula

bedouindress said:


> I feel like a loner, when I'm at uni too. I'm in my fourth year. I go to my classes, where I speak to one friend that I've made, if I'm lucky. I go to the library, and study, where it's okay to sit by myself. At lunch, I sit in the grass area, because people usually sit there by themselves or with one or two friends. It isn't the area where many large groups sit and chat. I have been lucky enough, to join a few societies this year, where I play an active role, but I still feel very lonely. People rarely approach me, but I have definitely made some attempts to make new friends, which have not been entirely successful. I think I may be better at making acquaintances with people, within a school term, but it never becomes a sort of "full-fledged friendship".


Same here. I've succeeded in making a few friends but nothing ever blossomed. I'm at the point where I am pretty comfortable with where I am at my university, given the fact that it's so small that a LOT of the people just go to class and go home.. but at the same time I wish I had a really close friend in person.


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## NJada

It took me a few months to make friends in college. Being in a big school can have its advantages, being that not everyone will think they know who you are and think of you as the quiet or awkward person. They have particular expectations from you, so when you're ready and feel up to it (whether that takes a few months or even years), you can change things and maybe go talk to someone without them thinking, "why is s/he talking to us all of a sudden?"

I had a hard time talking to people in my small high school, because people already knew me as one of the quiet kids.


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## SlugFunk

I'm in my first year of college and all I can say is that it's going badly. Since leaving school, my friends have drifted, and I only speak to one or two only in the lessons I have with them. My friends never make plans or talk to me first, and I always feel like there's something wrong with me, even though I've been a damn good friends to all of them. I nearly dropped out of college because I was missing lessons due to being depressed and lonely because I have nobody to hang around with. 

I have extreme social anxiety and so I find it hard to make small talk with new people, and it's eating away at me, I just don't know what to do anymore


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## SadSelf

This is not a big issue , First you have to build up you Self confidence , Self esteem, motivate yourself. 

This can be done by talking yourself in the mirror and try to find out that how do you feel when you say something, check it out 

This really works


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## Litfan15

This happens to me a lot too. I'm in an honors fraternity and I'm happy hanging out with my friends at events, but there are many days when I don't see them, and if I do, they usually just say hi and keep heading to class or somewhere. I know they don't hate me but I feel left out sometimes.


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## boas

Second year; no friends. There was a guy who I got on with last year (despite him being comfortably several social ranks my senior) but we have no classes together this year. I have a few acquaintances but, for them to contemplate sitting with me, all of their established friends would have to be absent, which is unlikely. It doesn't really bother me much anymore to be honest, it's just normal for me now.


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## holographicbutterfies

I transferred here in the fall (as a sophomore) so it is really hard for me toe. make friends. I have some casual acquaintances but it's hard whenever people are in large groups and I feel inadequate. Now it feels normal to be by myself but I wish I could be part of a group of friends just for dinner once a week or something.


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## cybernaut

Loner checking in, and I graduate this year. I dont care to complain about it anymore because high school was the same way. All of the closest acquaintances that I have met in my 1st and 2nd year have pretty much lost their grip with me. Aside from the pity-party part, I know that I dont want to be like this. At the moment, I do want to be confident socially in general, but it won't happen in college because its more than half way over now. I've been too detached to totally care for friends though.....I just need to stop being a nervous wreck. 
-------------
Sent from my Samaung Galaxy S3 via Tapatalk App


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## SlugFunk

I hate being that one friend that always seems to be left out. It makes you think there's something wrong with you.


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## thatlonergirl

Omg Gpoy. I started college thinking that everything would be different... I've heard so many stories where people who are shy and lonerish in high school find their group of friends and have a great time in college. Hah well when I moved into the dorms in freshman year, social anxiety kicked in.. I heard everyone introducing themselves in the hallway and getting to know each other, while I hid in my room, eavesdropping but too nervous to get out there. I made some friends, but my lack of self-confidence and negativity drove them away. Then I found a Facebook group with everyone from my dorm floor, but didn't join... and I realized they had all become good friends. So I basically spent the whole year alone. Now I'm a sophomore, and nothing's changed.. I'm still a loner. I go to class, then come back and sit in my room for the whole day.. I think most people at least got a few acquaintances, I don't even have that. Honestly, the loneliness is driving me crazy, but I am too nervous and depressed to talk to anyone, anyway. The sad thing is, with lack of social life, my grades aren't even good....


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## secular

@thatlonergirl, I know exactly how you feel except my exeperince was a little different. I felt like I was putting myself outside of my comfort zone and I felt rejected by everyone I tried to be friends with because of my lack of self esteem. I feel like I never knew what to say and became overwhelmed with my thoughts and my grades suffered as well. I eventually left that school and went to a community college by me and that was a much better experience for me, because I could leave and go home and not feel so bad about myself when I saw everyone with all their friends.

Just know you're not alone in how you're feeling, it's just frustrating that you can't just find the people that a similar to you...I wanted that so bad in college..


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## Dylan08

@thatlonergirl... Same here. I used to feel ****ty about it, but I guess with time I'm more comfortable with my odd recluse self. I don't live on campus, fortunately, so I can only imagine the perpetual confrontation of your SA as you're constantly in these social situations. My SA escalates only during class discussions, presentations, and group projects, and even those 3 days per week can be taxing. But because the social aspect of college is not my forte, I make it a point to engage in one-on-one discussions with my professors (i.e. Visit during office hours) to compensate for my lack of class participation. And if by the end of the semester I've managed to make an acquaintance, then great. If not, that's ok too. My main objective is to get an education and become acquainted among professors and the academic milieu; everything else is secondary. At least, for me, putting my priorities into perspective has helped. Of course, I'm sure the college experience would be a lot better with good friends to share it with, and I admit it gets lonely at times. But eye on the prize. Maybe you're good in sports or other and can join some extracurricular activity. Or use the university's gym, if there is one. That's helped me to meet people there too. Overall, focus on your objective and along the way you'll meet people without even trying. And if you're lucky, you'll meet some great people who appreciate you and find this SA oddness quite endearing. Just live your life, and learn to embrace and even laugh at your peculiarities. People are drawn to that. Good luck, buddy &#55357;&#56842;


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## hopeless93

I certainly feel like the biggest loner in my small, local community college. I'm not exaggerating when i say that I hardly ever talk to anyone day in and day out. Occasionally I'll make trivial small talk with some of my classmates, but it never goes any further than that. Most students here are already a member of an established social circle, most of which were developed in high school. My only hope is to start making friends from scratch when I transfer to a bigger four year college next year.


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## Hussle

i dont even feel this way right now with all the course work they give me


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## queenbanana

Hussle said:


> i dont even feel this way right now with all the course work they give me


I feel the same. I used to eat in the library during my free time while I worked on some homework and never felt like a loser. Lately though that I'm forced to work in teams and didn't have anyone to work with... it really hit me that I have zero friends. And even more so that the people I did end up working with me did it out of pity/ last option ... sort of depressing.


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## hybridmoments

My life almost exactly. I have acquaintances in my classes, but that's really it. my only REAL friend live far away.
And I don't have a BF. never have and feels like I never will. If I had one I could at least hang out with him. Boys don't like me.fml. 
I feel the same. I try to talk to some classmates and they look at me weird. Then I ask my one friend in the class on how I performed in that situation and she says I was okay. So either my friend is lying or my classmates and just *******s in their little cliques. Yeah, they're *******s.


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## GameOverMan

Ive been going to a close by community college for over 2 years and haven't made any lasting friends at all. I have kind of clicked with a few people in my classes over time, but once the short semester ends they disappear. I did manage to make a couple friends this semester, but whether they will last I can't say. 

Friendship goes both ways, you both gotta put in effort to keep in touch. And some people just don't care to do that.


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## ForeverInBloom

I was like this in college, but since I'll be going back this fall, I hope it gets better.

Especially with smaller classes.


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## skys

I don't know what to do anymore; I just thought about it and on most days I literally talk to no one. I just go to class, go get food, and go back to my room and sit on the computer. I thought college was going to be different but I never had the courage or determination to put myself out there and make friends. I don't even know where my life is headed or what career I'm going to pursue. This is the most pain I have felt in a long time.


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## Ghossts

Had a practical last semester where we had to form groups. The demonstrator put me in this group with two other girls. Some guy walks in late and was moved to our group. Not one word from any of them and they had formed a bond and pushed me out. I had to read results over their shoulder. The demonstrator asked them to let me get involved with the practical but they kept shunning me. 

Now I have another group in a different subject with two girls and another guy (not the same people). Safe to say he is going to have a threesome soon  but in all seriousness I'm probably going to get shunned again. Happens all the time.


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## CopadoMexicano

I would isolate myself most of the time in school and avoid social interactions. In college/university I would still do the same when come lunch time, breakfast, and dinner eating in my car avoiding people. It was just going to class and library time and work/home.


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## mellowyellow321

I was also a loner during my university days. As a computer science major, I was forced to spend excessive amounts of time on my coding projects in a sterile computer lab that was always freezing. This isolation definitely affected my SA. 

I think at first being a loner is difficult when you try to fight it. However, it is most difficult to be something that you are not. It is only when I embraced it, that I learned to feel more comfortable with myself and what social situations I should subject myself to.

With that said, try not to get into a vicious cycle of substance abuse: self-medication. Speaking from personal experience, everything in moderation is a great rule of thumb.


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## SadSelf

You can find friends online. And after some time meet them in real life. 
The other way is to improve your self-esteem. Don't like your body? Go to the gym! Btw, you can also meet new people there. 
Have nothing to talk with your class mates? Read a new book or a magazine to find out something interesting to talk about! 
There are so many ways to find new people.


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## One Man Band

I have acquaintances, but no one wants to be friends with me.


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## prehistoric

I have found that its alot more difficult to connect with college friends / acquaintances. Of the few i may have gotten along with, we never really hung out outside of the course.

This semester however, i haven't met anyone, much less put myself out there. Joined a club, don't know where it is and havent gone to any meetings either. Was too shy to approach this one girl who i keep seeing, even though she's not doing the same course.

Three or four years of university is along time to be lonely.


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## pens001

I'm getting kicked out at the end of this semester, but I totally know how you feel. My roommate tried to get to know me at the beginning of the year, but a weak in she realized I'm an anti-social, weird loner, so she started avoiding me. I hid out in my room so much that one day when I left to go to class, these guys also from my floor were walking behind me, and I heard them talking about how they had no idea who I am and have never seen me before -_- 

My school has a really big student body, and is knowing for being lacking school-spirit and a large percentage of depressed students.. So to be honest, it made me feel better to know that I wasn't alone. But Idk.. I can suggest maybe focusing on academics? I've noticed at my school that a lot of people who are really focused tend to have more friends, as the other people from their major tend to be drawn to them. Maybe that's just my school, though.


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## etude

One Man Band said:


> I have acquaintances, but no one wants to be friends with me.


this. i think i'm just too socially eccentric


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## BAH

.


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## LordKarnage

Don't be deceived, the people who look like they are talking nonstop, having a good time with their "friends" are the real broken ones. Mindless sheep. 

But you the loner are cool and mysterious and you don't need anyone sort of


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## Giephri

This is my first semester in college and I only took clas ses at night since there would be less people, and I especially won't run into people I know. I love how it's easier to stay in my car because the hot sun is down and people won't notice me much. I willl most likely continue this until I'm forced to get a day class. There's really no one for me to hang out with.


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## theraven

GUYS! It's been over 3 years since I made this thread and I can't believe 3 years later people are still posting and can relate. I really hope you guys know you aren't alone and there's alot of people like this out there. If it gives you guys any hope I have my updates 3 years later:

- I finished my degree and am now a Nurse and am working at an ER room
- I ended up making 1 true friend in college and we still speak everynow and then.
- In 2012 I ended up meeting a guy and we are STILL together 2.5 years now 
- I still have some SA left, and I still get scared to say hi sometimes, but atleast now I don't avoid people and no one scares me anymore, which is huge progress.
- I have accepted myself that I'm just more introverted and feel at peace.
- I have no problem eating lunch alone at work, most people there do it since everyone is an adult and has different schedules.
- I no longer feel ashamed of being a loner and not having much of a social life. I am OK with who I am. 

The point is, despite all this, I earned my degree, am working and have a nice relationship with a great guy and I take it day by day. I still push myself to say hi to people and it's awkward, but atleast Im putting in the effort. It does get better Remember acceptance is very important. I wish you all the best. Anybody please feel free to PM me


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## Myonii

Hello! I started uni last august. I used to hang out with someone. We kinda knew each other since we went to the same high school. We hanged out together for like the first 2 weeks. Then I know there's this other girl in our class who kinda seemed lonely so I told her to join us. After awhile my high school friend and the other girl from our class started becoming closer since they had almost the same classes together. My high school friend started to make me feel left out. Like she wouldnt even talk to me and when we conversations I'm always the one trying. So, my high school friend and the girl from our class they started leaving me. They even have they're own group now. Im just so lonely. I have no friends. I just stay at the library. Sometimes I dont even eat lunch because I dont want people to see that im alone. I don't know if i should also shift from my course. I just miss being back in high school where i had a lot of friends.  You guys arent alone :')


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## Anxiousgirl11

theraven said:


> In high school I was shy but I atleast had 1 friend and even had a boyfriend. Right now I'm in my 2nd semester of college. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. NO SOCIAL LIFE. I AM EVEN IN A CLUB AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS... when I see the people I know from a far away distance I change my path just to avoid saying "Hi". I get very nervous. Like for example if I say Hi and they'll ignore me or think I'm a loser.. I haven't had a boyfriend since high school either. I have some guys that like me but I've screwed it up because I am so shy that I avoid them even if I like them. I SPEND MY FREE HOURS OR LUNCH HOURS IN UNIVERSITY EITHER EATING IN MY CAR ALONE or EATING IN A BATHROOM AND WHEN I'M DONE EATING I WALK FOR HOURS JUST TO NOT LET PEOPLE SEE I AM ACTUALLY JUST BORED OR ALONE in my free time. I also make believe I am talking on the phone alot so no one will notice I am lonely. Sometimes I sit in corners and also make believe I am studying so no one will see I am just bored and alone. I have a very big fear of going to a place where I know people and having to be the first one to say hi. The only time I ever got invited to a party I didn't go because I kept thinking of how I'd say hi to the people when I got there and who I'd spend the rest of the party around with or that I'd spend it alone since I have no friends. Since college is very close I also live with my parents and they make me feel bad when they ask me why I never go to parties or go to girls to the malls or regular social stuff 19 year olds do.I like an outcast... What will I do to make friends and stop being like?! Am I the only one who is like this???


I'm also 19 & I also have 0 friends. Like literally zero. I don't even chat with anyone. When I passed my 12th std I thought I'll make new friends & because I'm doing Chartered Accountancy I don't have to go to college (only during exams & stuff). When Covid started everything just got worse. I am too scared to talk to my old friends as I haven't in months & I can't make any new friends as my classes are online. I feel so lonely & I want to talk to my old friends but I'm scared they'll judge me. Life sucks & I can't wait for face to 6classes to begin even though I'm pretty sure it will give me more anxiety 😔😢


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## amy***

This thread is really old, but I hope all of you feel better about yourselves now. I hope that you accept yourselves as you are, because caring about what strangers or what anyone thinks for that matter is a waste of time. Truly, it is.

I'm now a senior in college and I used to have friends but over the pandemic I changed in my interests quite a bit, so these friends and I drifted away. I am a loner, but I honestly enjoy it. I can do whatever I want, study and eat whenever and not have to accommodate anyone else.


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