# Where to focus your gaze when dealing with women



## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Like many people with SAD, I have trouble making eye contact and tend to stare at the ground a lot. Today I was talking to a girl and doing my usual trying to make eye contact, then shyly looking away and looking at the ground stuff. She was umm... very generously chested and wearing a low cut blouse that nicely showcased her feminine body parts. I'm sure she thought I was staring at her breasts. :lol I couldn't find a safe place to focus my gaze. If I looked up I was making eye contact. And anywhere else I looked, there _they _were beaming up satellites. Having a conversation with a girl and looking like I'm interested is next to impossible for me. There's too many nice looking things to distract me.

Do other guys find themselves in this situation or am I just weird?


----------



## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

You aren't alone. I've weirded out co-workers who I previously had no attraction to until they wore a low cut shirt. 

The harder you try not to look, they more they grab your eyes.


----------



## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I am normally pretty good with eye contact. But if I find myself looking away it is normally to the sides. Maybe you should try looking to the sides.


----------



## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I look up when taking a break from eye contact. Never look down.


----------



## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

I've improved my eye contact by focusing just above the other person's eyes. You aren't staring into them, but it gives the appearance that you are.


----------



## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i've interacted with a few SA guys who clearly couldn't make eye contact and instead it looked like they were staring at my chest :b i knew that was the reason so it didn't bother me (f.y.i., they weren't all from this site).

but yea, i can understand the paranoia of accidently focusing on their chest. i don't have this problem as much but it always tends to happen with larger breasts or low-cut tops.


i'd say just focus in the general upper face region, so eyes-forehead. this is just a guess.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

It's human nature man.


----------



## rincewind (Sep 7, 2009)

I just try to maintain eye contact but I'm not very good at it (with anyone). When I have to glance away I always make sure it's obvious I'm not actually looking at her, instead over the shoulder or off to the side or something. I hate the thought of a woman thinking I can't stop staring at them like that :?


----------



## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

Relax, your over thinking it. Unless your talking to her boobs than you should be ok. If you catch your gaze drifting off to her chest, just play it off like nothing happened.:teeth


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Um.....my eyes are UP HERE! :lol


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Women don't talk to me so it's not a problem.


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

drealm said:


> I look up when taking a break from eye contact. Never look down.


hmm good idea, I always look down. Not good. Will try looking up. I look better when I look up too.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Focus on the spot between the eyes.


----------



## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I have pretty good false confidence to look in eyes. Just tell yourself that 'she is nobody, you're so much cooler than her' and it becomes pretty easy.


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Ohh ... **** it Mr. Frostie, lets just shamelessly stare at their boobs. Lets not deny ourselves even this littlest of life's pleasures.

[Someone has to be the little devil guy that pops up on his left shoulder :stu]


----------



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

LOL. sometimes guys cant help it i guess but they should at least try to be respectful 

but yeah i have a hard time with eyecontact. and as a straight girl i have accidentally looked there on a girl cause i look down because of my SA: i always go OH CRAP. im straight i hopethey dont get thewrong idea. how embarassing

i think some of the tops are too low cut sometimes. it is annoying. i noticed that too, i will see a cute top and then i put it on and its too low even with a camoisille underneath


----------



## Louis (Jun 30, 2009)

eye contact is ideal, can be hard sometime. If you get caught I find its best to say there nice and guess cup size, guess a size up and it works good, but after you know them better . I had like a 2 hour conversation about breasts a while ago with this girl I work with, she actually was trying real hard to get them noticed and she brought it up, was kinda weird.

If you gotta look away your phone is good, grab a smoke if you do smoke (always a great way to slip out of awkward stuff)


----------



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

i blame the stores for making all the nicer, cute tops so low cut. lol. 
ive been wearing more dressier tops and unfortunately they are more low cut, im just sick of wearing tshirts all the time! 

and man all the time i wear the more low cut ones, (theyre not too bad) guys stare i cant believe it, or at least it looks like it, i get really embarassed :/ i dont dress inappropriately though.


----------



## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I don't have trouble with eye contact but i do have the problem of were else to look, you cant just stare into someones eyes the whole conversation they'll think your a psycho I usually look to the side or check the time or something. Sometimes i get really conscious of this and think oh man i better look away or their gonna think Im crazy, other times i have no problem and just do it naturally.Weird, kinda seems like the opposite problem most people have.


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Mr. Frostie said:


> She was umm... very generously chested and wearing a low cut blouse that nicely showcased her feminine body parts. I'm sure she thought I was staring at her breasts. :lol I couldn't find a safe place to focus my gaze.


I remember once checking out at Target and the young female cashier was wearing a very low cut top and had glitter on her chest & ample cleavage. I'm guessing she must have been a D-cup.

I have a question for the ladies here: is it OK to stare at a woman's chest under such circumstances, when she does everything but wear a sign that says "Look at my glittery chest and huge boobs"?

One can only assume she wants them to get attention when put on display in such a manner. This is similar to young ladies who have things written on the seat of their shorts. It's probably bad manners to stare at her a**, but how else am I to read it?


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

UltraShy said:


> I remember once checking out at Target and the young female cashier was wearing a very low cut top and had glitter on her chest & ample cleavage. I'm guessing she must have been a D-cup.
> 
> I have a question for the ladies here: is it OK to stare at a woman's chest under such circumstances, when she does everything but wear a sign that says "Look at my glittery chest and huge boobs"?
> 
> One can only assume she wants them to get attention when put on display in such a manner. This is similar to young ladies who have things written on the seat of their shorts. It's probably bad manners to stare at her a**, but how else am I to read it?


I always think they are only seeking the attention from their peers or the crowd they consider attractive themselves or want attention from. I never feel I'm part of 'that' crowd so I never go out of my way to look. Unless I'm wearing sunnies. :teeth


----------



## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

I usually look into the eyes but I often get they feeling they feel like they're being stared down, I should work on that.


----------



## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

You just need to blatantly go up and stare at her cleavage. Make sure she sees you are impressed. She will be flattered and be moved by your honesty. Sometimes if you stand in the right place when she ties her shoes....

Well, this advice works for my wife and some close friends. Probably wouldn't want to do it with a stranger.


----------



## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

UltraShy said:


> I remember once checking out at Target and the young female cashier was wearing a very low cut top and had glitter on her chest & ample cleavage. I'm guessing she must have been a D-cup.
> 
> I have a question for the ladies here: is it OK to stare at a woman's chest under such circumstances, when she does everything but wear a sign that says "Look at my glittery chest and huge boobs"?


I'd say its still probably not a good idea to stare even if they're practically trying to leap out of her blouse and press themselves against your face. Women just wear stuff like that and are totally unaware of the effect it has on us. They don't understand our fascination with breasts, legs, buttocks, tight jeans, lingerie showing through clothes, and all of the other nice things the female body has to offer.


----------



## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Mr. Frostie said:


> They don't understand our fascination with breasts, legs, buttocks, and all of the other nice things the female body has to offer.


Oh, they do. _All_ too well.


----------



## Cruiser (Jan 9, 2010)

I am not naturally good at eye contact but when it is a really great girl is can be quite easy to get lost in her eyes even for the most anxious of us.


----------



## Hank Scorpio (Oct 28, 2008)

Do regular people really stare into each other's eyes when they talk? To me that's way creepier than staring at a woman's chest.


----------



## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

look up or to the side


----------



## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

Haha...I_ wish_ guys would stare at my chest...I even wore a push-up bra once and nobody stared, still too small for most guys liking nowadays I suppose. Anything less than a C just doesn't cut it anymore! Well, off to the plastic surgeon...


----------



## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

spaceygirl said:


> Haha...I_ wish_ guys would stare at my chest...I even wore a push-up bra once and nobody stared, still too small for most guys liking nowadays I suppose. Anything less than a C just doesn't cut it anymore! Well, off to the plastic surgeon...


No!!! Bolt-on porn star boobies. uke

Actually, I'm more likely to notice a pretty face or nice hair than breasts. Except when they're so humongous and proudly put on display that its impossible not to notice. And then its not necessarily because I like them. Its just hard not to look when they're trying to grab your attention.


----------



## Cruiser (Jan 9, 2010)

spaceygirl said:


> Haha...I_ wish_ guys would stare at my chest...I even wore a push-up bra once and nobody stared, still too small for most guys liking nowadays I suppose. Anything less than a C just doesn't cut it anymore! Well, off to the plastic surgeon...


Just say no to plastic surgery! I still think the most attractive girl i ever date was so flat they were hardly even noticable, I dated a hooters chick once and it lasted about a week and I was ready to chew my arm off to get away from her, way too wrapped up in what she looked like, a very unattractive quality. Be yourself and be proud of yourself and it is a very sexy quality


----------



## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Hank Scorpio said:


> Do regular people really stare into each other's eyes when they talk? To me that's way creepier than staring at a woman's chest.


I agree. It feels so intense, like my eyes are burning into theirs. But maybe that's just because I have SA..

I don't think you can go wrong as long as she doesn't catch you staring at her boobs... I'll rephrase that: don't stare at her boobs. It's also creepy when a guy watches your lips.

Some people suggest looking at the point between the eyes/eyebrows so it looks like you're making eye contact, but when I do that I feel cross-eyed. I try to make eye contact but break it every now and then by looking to the side or at something in my surroundings. This is what therapists have told me and it seems to work ok.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I reeeelly hope this isn't too creepy, but when a woman's chest is hugely on display, I can't help but stare either. I mean, if something's THAT obvious, how can one not stare? I mean there they are. It's like trying not to stare at a humongous wart.

_dont' stare, don't stare don't stare_

Next thing you know, it's talking to you.

Or is that just me?

did I just post this?


----------



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Hank Scorpio said:


> Do regular people really stare into each other's eyes when they talk? To me that's way creepier than staring at a woman's chest.


According to my GP, yeah people do. But the thing is its not quite a stare, but a more gentle look, or something. (I'd been thinking I was doing a good job of making eye contact by looking into his eyes now and then and looking away, but apparently that wasn't really making proper eye contact..)


----------



## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

Cruiser said:


> Just say no to plastic surgery! I still think the most attractive girl i ever date was so flat they were hardly even noticable, I dated a hooters chick once and it lasted about a week and I was ready to chew my arm off to get away from her, way too wrapped up in what she looked like, a very unattractive quality. Be yourself and be proud of yourself and it is a very sexy quality


Ok so just so I'm clear- guys want to look at girls with ginormous boobies on display but they don't really want to have a relationship with a woman who has them because chances are that woman is too wrapped up in how she looks anyways? :con

btw I agree if a woman is putting them out there like that she is wanting them to be looked at, or she is wanting to use her body for some kind of advantage. It's hypocritical if she gets mad at a guy for looking at them in that case. It'd be like If I wore a big red clown nose than got mad if people noticed it. chances are if she's wearing the push-up bra and low-cut shirt she wants you to look but she has to pretend she's mad cause its all a big game of social conventions glibbedy-glook if you ask me.


----------



## Cruiser (Jan 9, 2010)

spaceygirl said:


> Ok so just so I'm clear- guys want to look at girls with ginormous boobies on display but they don't really want to have a relationship with a woman who has them because chances are that woman is too wrapped up in how she looks anyways? :con


Sorry I wasn't clear, I simply wanted to say that breast size for me doesn't play a factor if I find a girl sexy, I only brought up the Hooters girl because though she had ample in that area, ultimately I did not find her sexy because she was too wrapped up in herself and her image.

I apologize and I hope that makes things more clear.


----------



## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

Cruiser said:


> Sorry I wasn't clear, I simply wanted to say that breast size for me doesn't play a factor if I find a girl sexy, I only brought up the Hooters girl because though she had ample in that area, ultimately I did not find her sexy because she was too wrapped up in herself and her image.
> 
> I apologize and I hope that makes things more clear.


Thanks for clarifying. I was sorta generalizing to guys in general, in a jokey way. I don't think attraction is ever really that cut and dry.


----------



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

why DO guys like boobies so much, huh? and butts? ive never understood why girls like guys butts. im a girl and i dont see the big deal about butts or even abs .LOL. must be human nature, LOL

when i dress a certain way its cause I LIKE how i look. cause actually i dont like people staring/attention, especially cause i have SA. but i agree girls who always wear revealing clothing of course want attention lol


----------



## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Wherever they want me to:

1) If they're more or less covered I look them in the eye.
2) If they're wearing something low-cut, I steal glances at their cleavage.
3) If they're wearing something of the short skirt or short shorts variety, I occassionally glimpse at their legs/***.
4) If they're wearing something that exposes most of their body, I look at everything freely.

Most women don't design their own clothes but they certainly have a choice between what parts of their body they wish to expose. If they decide to participate in said exposure, I consider it perfectly ok to stare. If they don't like it, tough shizz, don't dress so provocatively. 

I swear, the double-standards and PC surrounding this sort of thing are ridiculous nowadays. I wonder how much flack I would catch if I came into work, my shirt unbuttoned halfway down and showing off my hairy chest. And then if I decided to chastise women in the office for staring.


----------



## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

path0gen said:


> Wherever they want me to:
> 
> 1) If they're more or less covered I look them in the eye.
> 2) If they're wearing something low-cut, I steal glances at their cleavage.
> ...


I think most women would look away from this.


----------



## TheJoker (Dec 24, 2009)

justpassinby said:


> I think most women would look away from this.


but if something was different, they'd stare the same way as guys :lol

/ducks


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

eyes. to practice, whenever you see a stranger walking past you look at his/her eyes and say good morning/after/evening.


----------



## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Hank Scorpio said:


> Do regular people really stare into each other's eyes when they talk? To me that's way creepier than staring at a woman's chest.


Even people without SA break eye contact every 3-4 seconds or so. I think that's the normal amount of eye contact during conversation.

I've read that the "triangular gaze," where you look from one eye to the other eye to the mouth, is a good indicator of attraction, as opposed to eye contact going from both eyes for 3 seconds or so to the nose.


----------



## Hank Scorpio (Oct 28, 2008)

emptybottle2 said:


> Even people without SA break eye contact every 3-4 seconds or so. I think that's the normal amount of eye contact during conversation.
> 
> I've read that the "triangular gaze," where you look from one eye to the other eye to the mouth, is a good indicator of attraction, as opposed to eye contact going from both eyes for 3 seconds or so to the nose.


Yeah, I avoid the whole face area. It's better to have something else entirely to look at.


----------



## ratbag (Aug 2, 2009)

Stare intensely into their eyes and don't stop staring. Even when they turn away, run in front of them and keep staring.


----------



## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Estelle said:


> Stare intensely into their eyes and don't stop staring. Even when they turn away, run in front of them and keep staring.


Like this?


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Just stare at our racks. It's easiest.


----------



## ratbag (Aug 2, 2009)

Mr. Frostie said:


> Like this?


Oh yeah, that`s a turn on:b


----------



## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

Perfectionist said:


> Just stare at our racks. It's easiest.


I remember the episode of _Saturday Night Live_ featuring women from another planet who had eyes on their breasts so they could have eye contact with men.


----------

