# Dating questions for the ladies



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Dating questions for the ladies (updated)*

A few dating questions for the ladies:

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?

Thanks!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

In general, no, I don't think I'm really all that, but it does happen sometimes.

In a flirting situation, yeah most normally are not shy and come to me.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

Could care less. Doesn't matter who does it.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested approaches you, and why?

Not particularly. Long as they notice my "**** off" vibe and do exactly that.


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

1) I'm too shy to approach men, especially ones I'm attracted to. I don't want to say I expect it but I much prefer it. 
2) I kind of already answered, but be approached. 
3) I wouldn't say that is bothers me, but I have a hard time rejecting someone even if I'm not interested so I have a tendency to lead people on. And I know thats awful! And really isn't much kinder in the end either.


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## hiddenaway (Jan 16, 2011)

A few dating questions for the ladies:

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? I hope to!!!

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? Be approached!!!

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?
Only if they won't leave me alone after I indicate I am not interested! Just move on to the next one


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Great responses ladies! Keep 'em coming! The more the merrier!


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## Fantas Eyes (Mar 23, 2011)

1. No, I actually expect to be ignored.

2. Much too shy to approach someone so I'd rather be approached.

3. Not really, he'll end up getting turned off by my not showing any interest.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

A few dating questions for the ladies:

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? No, sometimes when I handling my SA better it is nice.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? I would rather approach, because i will have what I am going to say worked out in my head to some extent. Where as when I am approached I go blank.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why? No it doesn't as long as the person takes the hint. Like if he hits on me or asks me out and I show no interest. I try to politely turn people down, but a lot of times I seem rude because I can't talk. But I don't understand why it would bother anyone, unless the person wouldn't leave you alone.


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## Annie K (Sep 24, 2008)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?
No

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?
Be approached. I'm way too shy, insecure, and afraid of rejection to approach anyone. 

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?
That has never happened. Guys don't approach me at all. But no, I don't think it would bother me.


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## kelsomania (Oct 12, 2010)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

No, not at all. 

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

Be approached. I always assume no one would be attracted to me. 

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

No, I still find it flattering.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

No, I don't. But that would be the only way for me to get a date since I'm extremely shy and I never initiate anything with people unless I absolutely have to, like to ask for directions or when working on a mandatory project.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

Be approached I guess.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

No, I don't have a problem with people approaching me, as long as they're not doing it in an invasive way or saying off putting things.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> I don't want to steal this thread because there are some great responses in here, but maybe we could add another question to this?
> 
> 4. What would be the best way for a man to approach you and what sorts of things should he say at first to show he is a genuinely nice guy and not expecting a one night stand or anything?
> 
> I always fear that by walking up to a cute girl and saying something to her I'll seem like one of those creeper dudes I see around/hear about every so often. Basically, I would probably have the courage to approach women if I had something decent to say initially, but I don't so I don't.


I would assume just don't be a jerk/invasive. Approach them like you would a friend and have normal conversation. (question added)


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## Sunny 137 (Jul 5, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? Sometimes, like when I go to the bar.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? Be approached.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why? No, if I'm not interested I will let them know tactfully. It only bothers me when the person is very persistent, or rude.

4. What would be the best way for a man to approach you and what sorts of things should he say at first to show he is a genuinely nice guy and not expecting a one night stand or anything? 
Something like: "Hello, how are you?" "My name is ____, what's yours?" Women love answering questions about themselves. Ask what they do for a living, have any pets, etc. Ask questions, but answer a few yourself so she doesn't feel like she's being interviewed.


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## MojoCrunch (Mar 25, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

As in do I expect the guy to be the one asking me out. Yes, I suppose, as is the convention. If you're asking do I think guys out there actually want to approach me, I don't think so.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

Who doesn't like to be approached?

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

It usually bothers me if anyone I don't know approaches me. However, I don't mind talking or responding to someone who approaches me that I am not interested in. Friendships are always a possibility as well, despite what people think.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

Best way for a guy to approach me....just say hi and start talking. Nothing too complicated. Ask questions, attempt conversation. The longer we talk about various things and the more natural it seems would seem like a good sign that the guy isn't some perv that wants a one nighter. From past experience, guys that spend little time talking and immediately want a number and to take me home or something that usually suggests he wants a one nighter. But only time can tell what a guys true intentions are so I just kind of go with the flow.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

No, I am always surprised when one does.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

Either one, doesn't matter much.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

It doesn't bother me necessarily, although it makes me feel awkward for a bit. As long as they don't force the issue, I'm good.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

Make an effort to know me and understand me without expecting to get laid. The number one turn off is when a guy is obviously out to just get some and has no interest in you as an individual and if it's not you, it'll be whoever else they come across.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

Like I'd think they probably weren't interested if they didn't? Yes.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

I can't imagine approaching someone myself.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

Aside from making me nervous, I am only bothered if they are pushy about it.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

A guy recently ran after me and asked me if I'd like to have lunch with him sometime after asking me my name, telling me I was beautiful, and asking if I was in a relationship. That didn't sound like he was looking for a one night stand.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Wow, awesome responses! I've approached many times before. It still seems kind of new to me. I guess my biggest fear when approaching is doing so in a way that "bothers" them. Like, for instance, grocery shopping or at the library. There is still that thing in my head that says I'd be bothering them even though I've done this before. But I guess that is irrelevant anyway when you think about it. I am most likely going to do this again when my car gets out the shop.


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## bittertaste (Jul 2, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?
No. At this point I am completely stunned when a guy approaches me for any reason. Typically they avoid me.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?
I would rather be approached. I have a hard time talking to strangers, especially men, because I think most of them don't like me. Also I tend to assume they are not and will never be interested in me.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?
No. It takes a while for me to be interested. I have to know a person before I can be attracted to them.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?
Generally just treat me like a normal person. Be polite, respectful, and have a good sense of humor. No one will ever get a one night stand out of me, so even if those kinds of hints were dropped I would miss them completely. Just act like yourself, chances are girls will like you for that. And if they don't, hey, not your type.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

If I could also add a question to "bwidger's" list, do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> If I could also add a question to "bwidger's" list, do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?


added


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## kelsomania (Oct 12, 2010)

^ If a guy used a pick-up line, I would automatically lose interest in him. I think it really insults a woman's intelligence. I like to think I am smart enough to tell when someone is being sincere.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Awesome questions and answers here everyone. So is it safe to say that men don't need a great pickup line or incredible entrance in order to approach women? It would seem that all it really takes is a "Hi, My name is XXXX, how are you?" in order to initiate a conversation...


Pick-up lines are creepy.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

IcedOver said:


> If I could also add a question to "bwidger's" list, do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?


My ex told me it's really weird for someone to ask someone they don't know for a date in a non-social context. I would never date someone without already knowing them, so it won't work, but I don't mind if a guy is polite, not pushy, and doesn't say anything that bothers me.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Just seconding that pick-up lines reek of desperation.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

carambola said:


> My ex told me it's really weird for someone to ask someone they don't know for a date in a non-social context. I would never date someone without already knowing them, so it won't work, but I don't mind if a guy is polite, not pushy, and doesn't say anything that bothers me.


It may seem odd, but what are the options when dating sites suck for guys; work has no one and you simply haven't met anyone yet? Think about it. What other way can you possibly meet someone? So while it may seem awkward, I think it shouldn't be viewed that way. It may be challenging, but sincerity is noticeable and no one is asking for an instant date. I'd much rather get to know the girl as well. I suppose really spending some quality conversation and trying to connect with them BEFORE you get their number seems the best bet. The way I look at it is if a girl is talking with you for an extended period of time and I just met her chances are she's interested. I'll ask then. I used to ask way to early. This is something I want to work on. I want to try to build a connection if possible. I'll experiment with it.

Oldschoolskater, yes, you can say anything! Just don't use pick up lines and be sincere and kind. Don't kiss ***. Just be yourself and show her your interested and try to get to know her a little bit and her you. I suppose that is the hardest part, is the time trying to get to know someone from a cold approach, but I think it's a good idea. I've done it before. I think it is a common thing actually. People just get insulted when you insult them, so don't.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

carambola said:


> My ex told me it's really weird for someone to ask someone they don't know for a date in a non-social context. I would never date someone without already knowing them, so it won't work, but I don't mind if a guy is polite, not pushy, and doesn't say anything that bothers me.


You would never be interested in a man who starts a conversation with you in a non-social place? Really? Define a "non-social" context.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> You would never be interested in a man who starts a conversation with you in a non-social place? Really? Define a "non-social" context.


I can't be interested in someone without knowing them pretty well (I may be unusual in that way), so the context doesn't even matter. By "non-social context" I meant in a general public area instead of at a bar or a party where you'd expect someone might approach you.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

But what does "interested in" mean, "carambola"? You have to get to know someone to be interested in them, so the order you describe is the opposite. Why does it matter how you met the person? Through an introduction, wherever it may be, you can later talk and build rapport. 

I've always considered trying to "approach" (I hate that word in this context, but I'll use it anyway) a woman who is just going about her daily activities to be an awkward idea. I don't believe women deserve special consideration, but it's just a human thing not to want to be bothered when you're just going about your daily activities. However, I don't have friends or go to bars or clubs, and none of the women on dating sites interest me. How else can I meet anyone unless I go for it and introduce myself cold? 

I'd really like to try and talk to a woman who rides my bus, but I don't know if it's appropriate. When you take the bus, you're just trying to get home before or after a day of work, and having someone chat you up isn't the most fun thing. I'm probably setting myself up for failure because I've never tried to get a date, and this is kind of like jumping into the deep end of the pool when I can't swim. I probably won't do it, but I know I should try.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

IcedOver said:


> But what does "interested in" mean, "carambola"? You have to get to know someone to be interested in them, so the order you describe is the opposite. Why does it matter how you met the person? Through an introduction, wherever it may be, you can later talk and build rapport.


I don't mind talking to someone to get to know them, but accepting a date is likely to send a message that you are attracted to the person asking, and if I don't know someone I'm not attracted to them. I'm afraid it would be misleading to accept.

A guy who started a conversation with me on a bus once asked me if I wanted to see a film with him, and framed it like he just wanted someone to hang out with (he said his friends were busy). I would be much more likely to say "yes" to something like that because there are no expectations. I still declined because I was afraid I'd act too nervous and uncomfortable, but I later wished I hadn't. I wish something like that would happen again, actually, so that I could have the chance to hang out with someone.


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## bittertaste (Jul 2, 2011)

I think carambola is trying to say she wouldn't be romantically interested in someone she doesn't know. It's hard for some people to be attracted to strangers.

To answer the new question:
5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? 
Buses, the grocery store, and a few other places seem like no-nos to me. I would be creeped out if some guy started talking to me on a bus or while I was trying to buy food. Meanwhile, I wouldn't mind being approached by someone in a library or laundromat or the park. Anywhere that is safe and public and not when I'm obviously busy. Since I don't go to bars or clubs, that would be impossible.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

bittertaste said:


> I think carambola is trying to say she wouldn't be romantically interested in someone she doesn't know. It's hard for some people to be attracted to strangers.


Yes.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

My impression is that you gain interest after getting to know someone. If you accept a date, whether it's when you first talk to someone or after you talk on the phone, you're just going out to get to know the person. I don't think you have to have some big romantic attraction to the person just to go on a simple date.

Regarding the bus thing I mentioned, yeah, it's not a good idea to try to talk to someone while you're actually riding the bus, but what about at the bus stop in a busy downtown area? And "bittertaste", you mentioned the library. I agree that might be a good place to try and meet someone. In fact, pretty much the only two times women have unquestioningly thrown smiles my way was at the library. As a guy, though, I'm still at a disadvantage.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

Well this doesn't really happen, but yeah in an ideal situation, this would happen, and has happened on the odd occasion

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

I would rather be approached. I'm a passive dater, hence why i'm still single lol.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

No it doesnt bother me, i get flattered, but in the back of my mind i have already ruled him out, yes i know this sounds shallow, but if i always have this feeling about guys, whether they are my type or not. If they are too loud, too sarcastic and too big headed, i can spot it a mile off, and if this kinda guy approached me, i will be pleasant to them, but that's it.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

To act kinda shy around me, but keep some kind of eye contact, also a smile always gets my attention. If i hear the guy is asking about me, i think its really sweet. But soon after, the guy (if not already) should come over to me and strike up a convo, starting 'Hey, hows it going, my name is .....' that will start the convo for me. 

I will instantly know if a guy is looking for a one night stand if he starts asking about coming back to the house, or tells me he is going away for a while. And if i see hime chatting everyone up, then its a turn off.

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? 

No i actually think its even nicer to come up to me during the day, because at night i'm even more weary of guys intentions, esp when there is alcohol consumed, people are more likely to lie then


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> My impression is that you gain interest after getting to know someone. If you accept a date, whether it's when you first talk to someone or after you talk on the phone, you're just going out to get to know the person. I don't think you have to have some big romantic attraction to the person just to go on a simple date.


Hearing from carambola and bittertaste, wow this just makes it impossible to meet someone then. If you can't approach people and try to get to know them then I'm screwed.

But there are a few things I'd like to point out:

1. The only way anyone gets to know anyone is when they introduce themselves and "get" to know someone. No one just automatically "knows" someone they never met. In any instance, you have to get to know someone somehow.

2. I have a feeling that when I say approaching a woman that means to some people here that I'm asking her out on a date. No, when I say approaching a woman I'm simply starting conversation with her and trying to build some type of comfort connection with her so she can at least trust me enough to get her phone number. I don't plan on getting her phone number and then asking her out on a date right off the bat. I don't expect ANY woman to just date some stranger without her knowing something about him, so isn't what you two ladies argue irrelevant then?

I'm not trying to argue with carambola because I think she means what she says and I believe her. My only argument is that I don't see how else you would have to get to know someone? In any context someone introduces him/herself and you go from there. I don't see how it is any different from online or a bar or w/e conceived place for a guy trying to get to know a girl. Wouldn't something like this depend on the individual's preference? It would appear carambolo is coming at it from a mind frame of "I personally wouldn't be comfortable with", rather than stating it from a general woman's consensus.

Because if the case was it was odd for a man to approach a woman, every guy in the world would be screwed with no hope, especially when it is expected the man approach the woman. LOL. See what I'm saying? I think it depends on the girl personally.

Also, look at the responses of this thread from the women. Most wouldn't mind it if you didn't come across as creepy and were considerate.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

bittertaste said:


> Buses, the grocery store, and a few other places seem like no-nos to me. I would be creeped out if some guy started talking to me on a bus or while I was trying to buy food. Meanwhile, I wouldn't mind being approached by someone in a library or laundromat or the park. Anywhere that is safe and public and not when I'm obviously busy. Since I don't go to bars or clubs, that would be impossible.


See this is where the line blurs. I would personally assume being approached in a library or laundromat the same as a grocery store in the sense that your going to be busy and it is in a public place. Now, the grocery store, I can kind of understand why that wouldn't be the best place if your pushing a cart around. It is kind of strange to me how you and carambola have some similar preferences while it being different as well. This kind of tells me it is personal preference rather than a general woman's consensus.

I find bars and clubs dehumanizing to men. We are stereotyped and the mixture of alcohol and loud music makes it even worse. People's obnoxious behaviors become apparent. Some women think it is OK to mentally abuse men who are there as if it is socially acceptable in such a place. No way, not for me. I'd rather be treated with respect.

If the general consensus is that it is inappropriate for a man to approach a woman in day-to-day activities then I might as well quit now because it makes it literally impossible for me. The odds are so stacked up against me if this were the case I would have a better chance being president. It's depressing.

To be honest, I don't care anymore because I get rejected just about everywhere regardless. I'm trying anyway until I get sick of it then I'll try something different. I don't see better options. Your going to have to approach someone whether your at a party or online... there is no difference in that regard beside the woman possibly knowing she may be approached. I'm doing it anyway, and when I do I'll most likely get rejected, but what's new? This is why the dating game is impossible for guys. Women want to be approached yet in "another" context, but when you ask what that context is someone else wouldn't want to be approached that way. It's super frustrating. Screw it I don't care anymore.


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## orchidsandviolins (Jul 8, 2011)

1. Well, yeah I think I do. I'm surprised when it happens, but it would be rare to see me actually do the approaching.

2. I would rather be approached. It's a bit nerve-wrecking to talk to people I don't know in the first place, let alone someone I might actually be interested in.

3. Not really. It takes me a while to even know if someone who approached me is actually interested. 

4. Honestly, probably a light conversation so there was no pressure. If it's just small talk at first, and things are easy going, it makes me a lot more relaxed and I can open up more. If someone openly came out and started flirting with one-liners, I might be a bit taken aback.

5. I feel weird if a guy approaches me during day-to-day activities. We're strangers, and to be approached, or hit on kinda suddenly is a bit much for me. I think if it happens in someplace social, where my friends are around, at college, etc. it is much easier. Things can be more easy going.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Thank you or the responses btw!



So, I've been thinking about this. I think I may not do cold approaches (stores, college campus, etc) from some more feedback I received. I think my best best would be somewhere where she expects to be social? I'll think more about this...

EDIT: Haha...ok, so I've thought about this some more. It is in my best interest to approach everywhere. I don't care what people think. I figure I am shooting myself in the foot if I don't try and make the best of every situation. I am not going to NOT approach a woman I may like to get to know simply because it is out of "context". It would be incredibly stupid of me not to try. One thing I think I need to learn even better is that everyone has their own special preference; not everyone wants the same kind of person; not everyone goes somewhere looking to be approach or even wants to be approached....so how am I logically going to cypher this and do it in a way that works for all these methods? Truth is, you can't. You CANNOT satisfy everyone's personal ways to be approached or likes, etc. As a man, we should realize that it will be riddled with rejection but this is our only option. We don't have any other options. You could say that it'd be safer to meet through friend but meeting through friends has it's setback and that still doesn't guarantee a woman's specific ways of wanting to be approached nor her interest level in you. It is STUPID to only try "one" way or context as a man. As a woman, for a woman to be mean toward you then that is her prerogative. She may be approached often and may be busy. So what? While guys have to deal with the fact that we have to approach and face harsh rejection, women have to face the reality that this will not stop because this is men's only option. Those women who scrutinize men for this simply do not understand the lopsidedness of it all. We have to do it this way. However, this does NOT mean being rude to a woman... this is not what I'm saying. What I am saying is it is not very logical to try and cater to every woman's specific needs when approaching because there are many and it wouldn't be wise to pass up opportunities. It is much more comfortable for me to accept this as fact then trying to figure out each woman's preference for an approach and interest. It saves me energy, frustration and valuable time to approach regardless because there is no guarantee for me ANYWHERE or under ANY context of a date or something further. Gentlemen, welcome to the real world. Time to face up to rejection.

I'm approaching. That is what I have to do. I value women and their views but it is the way men's hands are dealt. Sorry for all the ladies who have to put up with us. We also have to put up with constant rejection, so it's balanced. I respect women and their views regardless. I expect harsh rejection and also non-harsh rejection. If you can come up with a better way regarding women's individual specific preferences and allotted time, let me know. I'd be more than appreciative if you can but I haven't figured it out yet and I've been thinking of this since I was 18.


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## Sunny 137 (Jul 5, 2011)

Personally, pick up lines are an instant deal breaker. They are probably used on every girl the guy wants to talk to, no originality - no personality. Cheesy.

And, if I were single, I would actually prefer being approached in a day to day activity rather than a social setting, because it's unpredictible and spontaneous. Which are good traits in a partner.


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## Imaginative dreamer (Aug 4, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? I certainly hope so! It's nice to be wanted, you know?

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? Honestly? Yes.. yes i do. I am an honest person when it comes to my feelings, however. I feel a tad to old fashioned to ask a man out.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand? I believe that, if a guy is truly interested, and would like to have a real genuine time out with me, i would really look into his eyes, and be upfront and honest. As for the guy, i believe really, he should do the same. Just try and be real with the girl, and if she still doesn't get the hint, move on to another girl who will, she'll be the real deal 

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? In my opinion? Doesn't matter! Relationships all have their funny stories, could even be the pitch line joke to your wedding if all goes well. I find it fine to be asked anywhere, as long as it's appropriate.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

^Didn't answer #3! 

(bumped thread)


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## this portrait (Jul 18, 2009)

1. Not really, though if I like someone, then I really wish they would approach me.

2. Be approached. I'm way too anxious to approach a guy when it comes to dating.

3. Yes, though I'm not sure why. I just find myself not wanting other guys hitting on me, asking me out, or even staring at me if I have my sights set on someone.

4. Hm, well, my former b/f simply just asked me out on a date, and that not only did he think I was attractive, but he also thought that I was creative and seemed like someone he could get along with. So, direct and genuine at the same time.

5. I'd be more creeped out if I was approached on a bus/train or whatever. If I was in a place like a coffee shop, though, and a guy started to make conversation with me, it wouldn't bother me as much.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

1. No.

2. Be approached.

3. No, because it shows that I'm likable. 

4. He should be friendly and show genuine interest in my life. Bonus points if he's funny.

5. I don't care where. Just do it.


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?
No I don't expect it but I'm far to shy to do the approaching.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?
No doubt be approached!

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?
No as long as they got the hint and were not overly persistent about it.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?
I guess just come up to me say hi and ask my name. One way is if he ask questions and seem interested in your response. Not just answer yeah yeah that's cool etc.

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? 
It makes no difference to me.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

Why does everyone have this fake and stupid "fact" that every girl gets approached by guys ????????????????????????
There are some who don't !!!
Unless pepole don't see those females as even humans, that's why they are invisible.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

gomenne said:


> Why does everyone have this fake and stupid "fact" that every girl gets approached by guys ????????????????????????
> There are some who don't !!!
> Unless pepole don't see those females as even humans, that's why they are invisible.


Well there are some guys on this site who have preconceived notions that women _surely_ have it easier in all aspects of their lives.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

gomenne said:


> Why does everyone have this fake and stupid "fact" that every girl gets approached by guys ????????????????????????
> There are some who don't !!!
> Unless pepole don't see those females as even humans, that's why they are invisible.


I don't think every woman gets approached, but that isn't why I asked these questions. I'm simply interested in what women think about being approached. You can apply the same questions for men if you'd like -- simply out of curiosity.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

But threads like that can be hurtful to people, I find.


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## Tu Cielo (Jun 5, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? Not really. I'm not exactly the most striking woman. 

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? I would rather be approached. I'd be too nervous to approach.

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why? For the most part, yes. Especially because I already have a boyfriend. If I was single, it'd still bother me a little because it's hard for me to tell someone no and I'd end up not knowing how to let them down easily.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand? Maybe just start up a conversation with me and get me to laugh. A compliment would be nice too. I don't like it when guys outright ask for my number or ask me out. It makes me uncomfortable because I don't know them and I haven't even spoken a single word to them.

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? Hmm, it doesn't really matter I guess. Sometimes I want to be left alone when I'm on the bus or in a hurry to get somewhere, so I might be a little annoyed. And I'm not entirely sure I'd be interested in a guy from a bar or a club, but considering I've never been approached at either, I can't really say.


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

*1. Do you expect to be approached by men?*

For something other than to be asked where to find a good pizza, or to feature in some frat boy hoggin' prank? lololol No. :lol

(Okay, for the purposes of being able to answer these questions at all, I'm going to pretend I'm attractive from here on out.) 
　
*2. Would you rather approach or be approached?*

No preference, really. If I see him first, I'd go get 'em. I guess I'd actually ideally like to be the approacher in a perfect world of no SA and my arse fitting into a single digit dress size, though. 
　
*3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?*

How would I know I'm not interested if he's just approaching me now?  Just physically? I mean, if he were to smell like satan's ballsa*k, or his hair were caked to his scalp with grease, I guess I might not be too happy about it. Why? Because that is icky, and I really don't like making other people feel bad. There's no perfect way to "reject" someone no matter how nice you are, without it stinging just a little bit. But really though, if you take showers, have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth, all of which you keep relatively clean and free of visible, unknown, and perhaps suspicious particulates, you're good to go. :yes
　
*4a. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you?*

From the front, please. :blank

*4b. What things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?*

TBH, there really is nothing you could say that could definitively remove _all_ doubt that you're not just looking to score. That said, there are still women out there who do not believe this.  Just, for the love of all that is good, no pick up lines. Instead, maybe try to make some sort of funny observation? I love irreverence, but that might not be the safest bet on any woman. I think the trick is ... no tricks. Really. The more pre-meditated, the more things you're having to keep in mind before you decide to approach a woman, the less natural "you-ness" is allowed in the conversation. Hell yeah that's corny, but it's true.

Also, It might be easier if you were at some kind of event or place where people would have some sort of mutual interest; there's a built-in conversation topic there.

*5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? *

Are we still pretending I'm good looking? Okay. Hmm. No, I wouldn't mind. As long as I wasn't RUNNING after that bus, or one leg into a skirt inside a changing room of a store, you're good.

Really. I'm friendly. Lots of girls are friendly. Just shower, smile a bit, look at her face and not her sweater puppies, refrain from licking your lips or saying any variation of the following; daaaaamn, can I get some of that, or DAT ***. Also I wouldn't make any noise with your face that isn't in the form of words; for instance: cat calling, incoherent yelling, grunting, or panting.

There really aren't any special words, perfect approach methods, or anything else. Obviously, women prefer different things. You're just going to have to go with your gut in the moment and find one who likes your way of doing it... which is a hell of a lot easier said than done, I know. I'm sorry I can't be of any real help to you. :stu


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

*1. Do you expect to be approached by men?*

No, not really. There's a mixture of flattery and panic when one does.

_*2. Would you rather approach or be approached?*_

Probably be approached..with caution. Perhaps waving a white peace flag. One baby step at a time. 
*
3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?*

Im bad at this one because I hate to reject people or make them feel uncomfortable. No doubt it takes guts to approach somebody else, and to be turned down is probably not the nicest feeling ever. I will try (try, not to be mistaken with achieve) and politely show I'm not interested, be as straightforward as possible (probably end up saying something wildly offensive in my attempts to back away) and try to leave. 
:um

_*4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?*_

He should say 'Im genuinely a nice guy and Im not expecting a one night stand' Clears all confusion right up!:b
Being interested in you as a person ie: what you're saying, what you like, what you don't like,trying to find some common ground, laughs with you, wants to share good conversation etc etc.(doesn't expect everything once you show that kind of interest back) All that jazz. It can be hard to tell really, as some guys will feign all of that to get you into bed. I suppose leaving out the attempts to seal the deal on first meeting and wanting to see me again sometime is generally a good indicator. Eye contact might help, Im not sure, I try to avoid it.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men?

*Nope: look at me I'm nothing*

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?

*I'm too afraid to approach and freak when I'm approach, but if approached right maybe*

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?

*yes because the only time this ever happened is when they are drunk out of their mind*

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?

*Don't be pissed, general conversation, smile*

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?

*I'd love to be approached in the middle of the day but most irish lads will not even dream of it*


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## Podee (Aug 4, 2011)

1. Yep

2. I prefer being approached but not just suddenly, like I'll make eye contact and acknowledge them so give them a signal, so it's more of a mutual approach.

3. It depends how they approach me, if it's in a friendly way then it's okay, but if it's not so casual and feels like being chatted up and I'm not interested I'll show I'm not comfortable talking to them and if they don't get the hint and aren't respectful I'll just remove myself from the situation. 

4. It's pretty easy to tell a genuinely nice guy from a bit of a sleazy one. A guy looking for a one night stand is probably gonna be casting the net wide so isn't going to be spending much time talking to a girl if she isn't responding to his advances so judging by how the conversation starts and where it goes you can guess their intentions. Whereas a nice guy is going to be interested in getting to know you so will ask questions about you and your interests and talk about things you have in common.

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? 
Definitely more comfortable in a social setting. For the most part that's because it's just more relaxed and you expect strangers to talk to you. I've had guys approach me in the street and I've found it pretty awkward. A guy once started talking to me on the bus and I felt really uncomfortable because it was so public and those nearby could hear the conversation, plus it's not like you can really escape them. An exception though is smoking, because since the ban it's become more social. So if I'm smoking and someone starts talking to me and maybe asks for a light then it feels more casual. 
That's just from my experience...I go out to pubs/clubs a lot and always getting chatted up so a lot of experience in getting approached


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## awkwardpenguin (Jul 30, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? 
I don't necessarily _expect_ it, but it's always nice because I'm painfully shy. I always feel like I need someone confident enough to approach me because I can't be the one who's confident in the relationship and i need someone to initiate the first steps until I'm comfortable enough with them.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached?
I'd rather be approached. I mean, if I were more confident in myself, it wouldn't matter. Because of the reasons I stated above, though, I need someone to have the confidence to approach me. It's not ideal, but it's just how I am :/

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?
No, not really. If I've made it clear that I don't want a romantic relationship, however, it can be annoying for a person to continuously try. I wouldn't mind them approaching me as a friend, though, and I wouldn't be annoyed until I've made it really obvious that I don't want that kind of relationship. But it doesn't generally bother me.

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?
The best way would just be to strike up intelligent conversation and act like you really want to get to know me. I'm interested in someone who seems to genuinely care about my opinions and the like. I just want someone who would stick around because they are really interested in me. Being funny helps, too. I love someone with a sense of humor and willing to just be goofy. But, yeah, just be yourself and show that you're actually interested in me for other purposes than a one night stand. Not too hard.

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?
I'm not really sure as I've never really been approached. I don't think I would mind it too much. I'm not good with social situations so I'd probably be really awkward but it wouldn't bother me.


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

*1. Do you expect to be approached by men?* 
I expect very little from men, do or don't makes little difference to how much I enjoy my day/night!

*2. Would you rather approach or be approached?* 
It depends, but generally I prefer to be approached because that way I automatically know that the guy is at least interested in me physically, which is a start. It's like having the upper hand in a sense because he is clueless to whether I like him either physically or mentally, at least not until I express it in some way. 
I know that it is scary to approach someone which is why I generally don't approach people, it's such a vulnerable place to put one's self, in a sense. Plus my desire is never that strong.

*3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?* 
It can I mean you try to drop subtle hints that you're not interested and if they don't get it and you don't want to have to spell it out because then you worry how they'll react, I am pretty bad at being tactful in situations like this.. especially if I've been drinking. I know the male ego can be fragile which is friggin scary.

*4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?* 
preferably not when I'm obviously in the middle of a discussion with someone, if I'm by myself then it's not so bad. I think they can say anything just as long as it's sincere and real, no BS or any overly-complementary nonsense, it's transparent and annoying. If they are themselves then awesome and I'll pick up on that.

I prefer guys that show an interest in being friends because in reality for me even if you are dating someone you're technically "friends". I don't do one night stands and would only ever consider being in a relationship with someone who I know, and it would take a friendship to get to know them well enough to ever consider going beyond that. And if there is no spark both ways then you still have a new friend at least!

*5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?*
Anywhere is fine as long as it's not when I look busy or in a rush, also if they hold me up for ages then that would be blah. I quick hi how are you, perhaps a quick little joke if within context.... with a I know you might be busy right now but would you like to catch up sometime kinda thing. Nothing too full-on or weird, just simple, light and casual. No pressure.


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

_1. Do you expect to be approached by men?
_Yeah, I don't like to do the chasing, otherwise I'll just sit there making the eyes, not actually doing anything :blank
_
2. Would you rather approach or be approached?_ The latter
_
3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?_ Well not really, I'm not going to refuse to speak to them if I don't find them attractive, It's nice to hear what people have to say..
_
4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?_ 
Good question, half the time it sounds like they're only looking for a one nighter! I suppose just be upfront about it, make your intentions clear...that you're genuinely interested in getting to know us, after chatting for a bit, ask for a number and a coffee date to get to know each other better. Then send a barrage of texts, girls love guys that reply instantly.

_5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? _ 
Bars are great, there's music, drinks etc Clubs can be annoying as you may have to shout above the noise, conversation is close to impossible


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

jhanniffy said:


> *I'd love to be approached in the middle of the day but most irish lads will not even dream of it*


Hahaha!
I wish there were more Irish men around here to approach! :b


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

*1. Do you expect to be approached by men?*
I don't expect it to happen, but it has. Usually by creepy men. I'll never ask a guy out, so they will eventually have to approach me.

*2. Would you rather approach or be approached?*
Be approached, but not in a "I want to ask you out" kind of way. If you want to casually talk or something, that's fine.

*3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why?*
Yes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and awkward. I don't know how to turn them down. I try to make something up and get away.

*4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?*
He should want to genuinely be my friend first and share common interests with me. He has to be a friend first, then maybe that will lead to something more. No trying to touch me or anything without permission.

*5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club? *
I don't like it when guys approach me, period. No matter where it is. It is always uncomfortable. I usually try to avoid any men I consider attractive. It depends on how he approaches me.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

1. Do you expect to be approached by men? No I don't.

2. Would you rather approach or be approached? be approached

3. Does it bother you when someone you are not interested in approaches you, and why? I guess cause I dunno how to say not interested

4. Which way would be the best way for a man to approach you and what things should he say to show he is a genuinely a nice guy and not expecting a one night stand?
Just sit me down and ask questions, saying nice things and talking about deep stuff?

5. Do you ladies mind if a guy "approaches" you in the midst of your day-to-day activities, such as on the bus or in a store, or would you feel more comfortable with it if it was in a situation that was already social, like a bar or club?
I can get maybe a little uncomfortable cause I'm awkward like that I wouldn't know what to say.


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## HipHopHead (Jun 17, 2010)

Damn 9 outta 10 wanna be approched??! :sus

If i was to approch a girl its so hard for her to feel comfortable you can see everything in my face and before you know it we'd probably both split in different directions..


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

HipHopHead said:


> Damn 9 outta 10 wanna be approched??! :sus
> 
> If i was to approch a girl its so hard for her to feel comfortable you can see everything in my face and before you know it we'd probably both split in different directions..


I must admit, especially when out that first 30secs is crucial.. which makes me sound harsh. But I think it might come from not really having an interest in talking to guys so much. Though when a girl approaches that's another story! xP


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