# What are you doing to get a boy?



## Gwynevere

Similar to the other thread, post what you're doing to try to find someone, or your ideas on what you should do to find someone, or if you have a bf/been successful what you did to get him.

Mostly making the thread to get advice since I'm completely clueless. So far I've been trying out getting comfortable just making eye contact and being able to smile, I'm close to being able to say hi to someone I think but I have no idea what I'd say.

*Staff edit: Please click the link below and read it before posting. Thanks.*

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1074341794-post494.html

*Update: This thread was given another chance, but it won't be given any more.*

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1076955066-post1620.html


----------



## Gwynevere

I'm really just looking for girls experiences out in the world trying to find someone and what they're doing and what actually works, I don't really think guys on here saying what they assume would work on them is going to be helpful.


----------



## calichick

I was waiting for someone to make this thread.

1) look good
2) dress nice
3) work out
4) go out alone a lot (men are more able to approach without heaps of other people around)
5) eye contact 
6) right place right time
Independent men with jobs usually come out at a certain time.

Unfortunately for me, I live in a place with a higher concentration of married people.
My options are so limited, I want to move! I can't take the 30 and 40 year olds anymore!

I want a guy in his 20s...

Places where I've had the MOST luck (I'm not nocturnal I don't do the night scene)

Supermarkets after work 
Cafés weekday lunch hour
Sports games
Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often  )
Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)


----------



## rymo

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-guy-208274/


----------



## Gwynevere

*But yea, sometimes I drop all my stuff on the floor and act like I'm using GPS.
*
I am almost desperate enough to follow ^ that advice.


----------



## Gwynevere

rymo said:


> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-guy-208274/


That was a troll thread IMO, mine's serious.


----------



## rymo

Gwynevere said:


> That was a troll thread IMO, mine's serious.


37 pages of trolling? w/e aint no thang. just wasn't sure if you knew about it.


----------



## Barette

Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.

Edit: Its mostly because I attract such a low caliber of man, now that I think about it


----------



## Gwynevere

Barette said:


> Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.


Totally opposite, if I could I'd skip all that chase and meeting and dating and just be in a relationship.


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.


Yes, I enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety (dat adrenaline) more than the guy, because however much I like the guy his company makes me super anxious. I like the part where it's all surface-level interaction and you're just trying to present the best version of yourself. I don't believe someone's going to like me once they actually get to know me. I just like the back-and-forth and the butterflies. I like things when they're potential because it's too stressful/scary when they start becoming actual.


----------



## Barette

lisbeth said:


> Yes, I enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety (dat adrenaline) more than the guy, because however much I like the guy his company makes me super anxious. I like the part where it's all surface-level interaction and you're just trying to present the best version of yourself. I don't believe someone's going to like me once they actually get to know me. I just like the back-and-forth and the butterflies. I like things when they're potential because it's too stressful/scary when they start becoming actual.


Same. Though the trouble is being lonely and knowing the guys just want sex, so while it's an ego booster it'd ultimately be insulting. Plus I don't attract men I'm attracted to, so... That hinders things too lol


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> Same. Though the trouble is being lonely and knowing the guys just want sex, so while it's an ego booster it'd ultimately be insulting. Plus I don't attract men I'm attracted to, so... That hinders things too lol


I don't trust that any guy coming on to me is after anything other than sex, _especially _if they bring it up to say otherwise. If a guy says something like "I'm not just after a shag yknow" it's like, yepppp.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Nothing at the moment.


----------



## ilovejehovah777

nothing.


----------



## dal user

lisbeth said:


> I don't trust that any guy coming on to me is after anything other than sex, _especially _if they bring it up to say otherwise. If a guy says something like "*I'm not just after a shag yknow*" it's like, yepppp.


This made me laugh because its true sometimes.

If guys were more honest then maybe just maybe they'd get somewhere.


----------



## Farideh

Nothing.....Absolutely nothing.


----------



## calichick

Gwynevere said:


> *But yea, sometimes I drop all my stuff on the floor and act like I'm using GPS.
> *
> I am almost desperate enough to follow ^ that advice.


It works, believe me. I've had to fend guys off.

Another thing is, when you're in a grocery or hardware store, just take *really* long looking at something. They'll offer you a recommendation most of the time or find some pick up line as to which aisle you're in.

The thing about men is, you need to give them time to approach. They don't think that quick. So if you're running and grabbing, you just lost 5 opportunities if you took a while deciding.

Girls, EVERY moment outdoors is an opportunity to meet men.

Always put on your best face


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Nothing. Actually is it possible to be doing less than nothing? Because I'm definitely doing that. I'm having a negative impact. 

There's too many areas of my life that need fixing but I just have no motivation and don't know how to get it back. So I expect my current reality will remain for a while yet.


----------



## probably offline

Nothing(except taking care of my appearance). It's not because I expect guys to approach me. It's because I don't go out(when I do - I flirt). I don't expect to meet the man of my dreams on the subway or the grocery store.

I have more important things to focus on at the moment, though, so it's nothing that bothers me all that much(except the lack of intimacy). I lack social interaction, overall(which is something that I must work on over the summer). It will be easier when I can be outside, in the warmth, by myself without looking like a complete tool. I can study in parks and such, for example.


----------



## sad vlad

Gwynevere said:


> That was a troll thread IMO, mine's serious.


:haha:rofl:haha

You have been borrowing a lot of ideas from past or current threads(I am using an euphemism). But all those people that came with their ideas first are trolls, while you are serious? How come?

I also saw the thread you've made half an hour ago and then deleted. That one was original, unless copying yourself counts for anything. Gwyn, Gwyn...


----------



## rosecolored

daydreaming


----------



## Gwynevere

harajuku candy said:


> daydreaming


Oh if only that worked, I'd have a harem of guys by now


----------



## Barette

So I've been kinda wanting male attention and there's a frat house down my street, and one of the guys chatted me up a bit so I'm gonna start "strolling" past their sometime, but GOD I don't actually want them, I just want to be wanted. When I was walking back up the street, the guy went onto the sidewalk and did pushups. PUSHUPS. Then when I got closer he stopped, as if he was just noticing me and was postponing his workout for me. Obviously they just want sex, and like, even if it wasn't, I'm not attracted to vapid people. BUUUUUT boys. boys boys boys. I like male attention. I'm gonna have to wait till it's a nice day and it'll be nice outside and chat them up, just for funsies.

tbh though, that's what's so disheartening. I go into a nice college town that's near me filled with fancy people, and I just get ignored. But in my ****ty neighborhood and hanging out with my friends (who can veer onto "trashy", and the people they know definitely fall into the "trashy" label). I don't even want to date, I hate people. I just want to know there's classy a** people out there who want to date _me._ Makes me feel trashy and like I'm not worthy of dating. Plus my first experience solidified that, too. UGH.


----------



## lisbeth

Rich91 said:


> This made me laugh because its true sometimes.
> 
> If guys were more honest then maybe just maybe they'd get somewhere.


It's so true, man, it's so true. From like three guys now I've heard "you know I'm not just after sex because if I was I wouldn't be putting in so much effort" (worked the first time, but I wised up eventually). 'Effort' seems basically to mean talking to me a lot, or going out for a drink/coffee/etc that doesn't end in me going home with them. Which is just such hard work, clearly. IDK, hearing stuff like that makes me feel bad. Logically you know it's just crap but on another level it makes you feel really guilty for being 'difficult'. You feel guilty for distrusting him and guilty for holding out.

But yeah, I figure this now: if a guy _says_ he's not just after sex, he is definitely just after sex. Because if he wasn't, he wouldn't be worried you'd be thinking that. His intentions would be obvious enough that he wouldn't try to reassure you, he wouldn't need to. If he feels the need to justify/defend himself that means there's something to defend, right?

Anyway, I totally agree with your last point. If guys were more honest then they'd do better. I really wish they were more honest. A lot of girls are open to just hooking up and leaving it at that. They don't need to try to lead you to believe they actually want something with you, it's just not right.


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> So I've been kinda wanting male attention and there's a frat house down my street, and one of the guys chatted me up a bit so I'm gonna start "strolling" past their sometime, but GOD I don't actually want them, I just want to be wanted. When I was walking back up the street, the guy went onto the sidewalk and did pushups. PUSHUPS. Then when I got closer he stopped, as if he was just noticing me and was postponing his workout for me. Obviously they just want sex, and like, even if it wasn't, I'm not attracted to vapid people. BUUUUUT boys. boys boys boys. I like male attention. I'm gonna have to wait till it's a nice day and it'll be nice outside and chat them up, just for funsies.
> 
> tbh though, that's what's so disheartening. I go into a nice college town that's near me filled with fancy people, and I just get ignored. But in my ****ty neighborhood and hanging out with my friends (who can veer onto "trashy", and the people they know definitely fall into the "trashy" label). I don't even want to date, I hate people. I just want to know there's classy a** people out there who want to date _me._ Makes me feel trashy and like I'm not worthy of dating. Plus my first experience solidified that, too. UGH.


Same. Trashy trashy trashy. The two guys who've been trying it since I moved back to my hometown are both unemployed casual drug users. One of whom has a serious long-term girlfriend who he talks to me about all the time. Beginning to wonder if I have 'pathetic Jezebel' written on my forehead.












calichick said:


> It works, believe me. I've had to fend guys off.
> 
> Another thing is, when you're in a grocery or hardware store, just take *really* long looking at something. They'll offer you a recommendation most of the time or find some pick up line as to which aisle you're in.
> 
> The thing about men is, you need to give them time to approach. They don't think that quick. So if you're running and grabbing, you just lost 5 opportunities if you took a while deciding.
> 
> Girls, EVERY moment outdoors is an opportunity to meet men.
> 
> Always put on your best face


Whenever I've been approached by a random guy outdoors, it's just been a couple of minutes of casual small-talk and maybe some kind of "you're pretty". Nobody's ever actually asked me for my number or anything. It's always just seemed like a guy who's really bored and just talking to someone to kill time and break up the monotony.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> Whenever I've been approached by a random guy outdoors, it's just been a couple of minutes of casual small-talk and maybe some kind of "you're pretty". Nobody's ever actually asked me for my number or anything. It's always just seemed like a guy who's really bored and just talking to someone to kill time and break up the monotony.


Maybe you come off as seeming disinterested or your body language tells them you're not responding positively?

With every guy that approaches me regardless of whether I'm attracted to him or not, I always pay him full attention, reciprocating everything he feeds me, making him feel likes he's the most important thing.

Aka flirting...

See the good thing for us women is that men are expected to lead conversations, it's only our job to respond in some affectionate coy way :lol

Flirting is nice, I started practicing on unattractive men just to build up my confidence..

With interaction, I noticed that what you perceive in others is often a reflection or mirror of your own attitude. For people with anxiety, appearing aloof or detached can come as second nature.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Maybe you come off as seeming disinterested or your body language tells them you're not responding positively?
> 
> With every guy that approaches me regardless of whether I'm attracted to him or not, I always pay him full attention, reciprocating everything he feeds me, making him feel likes he's the most important thing.
> 
> Aka flirting...
> 
> See the good thing for us women is that men are expected to lead conversations, it's only our job to respond in some affectionate cot way :lol
> 
> Flirting is nice, I started practicing on unattractive men just to build up my confidence..


Probably. I'm shy. When it happens my initial response is 'spooked deer'. I'm too nervous to be able to think fast enough to say anything witty and flirt back. I mean, I talk back, I intend to seem receptive, but I have no idea how to respond and the overall reaction is still probably:










Internal monologue of "Wait, you're talking to _me_?". Beta female over here.

It really, really has always seemed to be guys who are just killing time, though. You can tell they just wanna say hi for fun and then go on their way. Maybe if I was a bit more sparkling and engaging they'd change their mind and ask regardless, but I really really have never got the vibe that any of these guys ever had the intention of asking for my number when they approached me, even before I turned out to be a frightened rabbit. It's always seemed like they were just exchanging a few words with a stranger because they were bored and felt like talking to someone. I've only once ever witnessed a true cold-approach happen to somebody else, so often I feel like it's a myth, at least in this country.


----------



## blue2

I wear a nice dress but it gets me nowhere..








..:cry.sorry i joke...


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> Probably. I'm shy. When it happens my initial response is 'spooked deer'. I'm too nervous to be able to think fast enough to say anything witty and flirt back. I mean, I talk back, I intend to seem receptive, but I have no idea how to respond and the overall reaction is still probably:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Internal monologue of "Wait, you're talking to _me_?". Beta female over here.
> 
> It really, really has always seemed to be guys who are just killing time, though. You can tell they just wanna say hi for fun and then go on their way. Maybe if I was a bit more sparkling and engaging they'd change their mind and ask regardless, but I really really have never got the vibe that any of these guys ever had the intention of asking for my number when they approached me, even before I turned out to be a frightened rabbit. It's always seemed like they were just exchanging a few words with a stranger because they were bored and felt like talking to someone. I've only once ever witnessed a true cold-approach happen to somebody else, so often I feel like it's a myth, at least in this country.


It's more difficult to flirt with random men than it is male acquiantences because you don't know anything about them and therefore don't have any material to go off of. I found in those situations, body and facial language are the most important thing. For male acquaintances, complimenting them in a casual off key manner is my method. Making them feel good. What is flirting after all but just an explosion of endorphins :lol

I don't know how it works in the UK (I suspect the climate differences factor in and less sun over there makes for a generally less friendly crowd) but men over here don't approach women they're not interested in :no

Men are pretty straight forward. They're pretty one track.

They won't approach a woman to waste time, that goes against everything which was engrained in them since the beginning of time.

Anyways, opportunities to meet men are endless...

I start each morning with the conviction that I'll meet Mr. Right.

The best part is when you're not paying attention, turn around suddenly and smack a truly gorgeous man is standing there eyeing you. Why just yesterday....:teeth


----------



## TicklemeRingo

crimeclub said:


> That's odd because you've had me since day one.


:teeth

Daaawww! :blush


----------



## Terranaut

Barette said:


> Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.
> 
> Edit: Its mostly because I attract such a low caliber of man, now that I think about it


With all due respect that's called a number of things none of which are nice. It's feeding your ego for your own amusement and self gratification using someone else's feelings as if they don't have them. That is dangerous too.


----------



## mezzoforte

Barette said:


> Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.
> 
> Edit: Its mostly because I attract such a low caliber of man, now that I think about it


I used to enjoy that a few years ago, but started to feel bad about it once I actually realized what I was doing.


----------



## Gwynevere

calichick said:


> I
> I don't know how it works in the UK (I suspect the climate differences factor in and less sun over there makes for a generally less friendly crowd) but men over here don't approach women they're not interested in :no


I saw an interview of Alice Eve on Conan O'Brien's show, where she said the difference between England and America is that American men ask her out and English men are too polite and afraid to.

Of course she's a celebrity, so I'm not sure if that's even relevant to lisbeth. I wonder if it's true though.


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> I saw an interview of Alice Eve on Conan O'Brien's show, where she said the difference between England and America is that American men ask her out and English men are too polite and afraid to.
> 
> Of course she's a celebrity, so I'm not sure if that's even relevant to lisbeth. I wonder if it's true though.


Hahahahhahaha I wish English men were polite and afraid.


----------



## Fruitcake

I got my current boyfriend by being friendly and smiley and giggly (I've been sure to quell those behaviours since) and then during a game of Left 4 Dead 2 accidentally shooting him multiple times in the crotch with a machine gun and claiming him as my own. He was already mine from that moment but I was sure to cinch the deal by asking him to come over and hang out late at night.

I've had to be direct with shy men and there have been quite a few misunderstandings because neither one of us is confident or sure enough of signals. Like I send out crazy I like you signals just short of asking them to come over and give me a massage because I have a sore bum and they always tell me they were so relieved I asked them out because they weren't sure if I liked them. My current boyfriend thought I was asking him over at night to be polite. I'm pretty sure if I had actually asked him to come over and massage my butt he would have said that he's not so good at massages and referred me to a professional masseuse.
So anyone who likes shy people should be aware of those things.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ did you really ask him to massage your butt or are you joking, maybe massage your butt means more than literally massaging ones booty. That is one unique way asking that's for sure.


----------



## jsmith92

Even these girls have more of a chance finding a guy than I have finding a girl


----------



## RelinquishedHell

By showing them my collection of legos and pokemon cards when their mom isn't around.


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Fruitcake said:


> I'm pretty sure if I had actually asked him to come over and massage my butt


I figure most gamer nerds would simply jizz themselves right away upon hearing that.


----------



## altghost

WELL I make sure to go to the grocery store at least 3 times a week and always wearing my yoga pants. Then I bend and snap my way through the produce department...

JK sorry I seem to be in the wrong place @[email protected] *backs out of post*


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Gwynevere said:


> I saw an interview of Alice Eve on Conan O'Brien's show, where she said the difference between England and America is that American men ask her out and English men are too polite and afraid to.
> 
> Of course she's a celebrity, so I'm not sure if that's even relevant to lisbeth. I wonder if it's true though.


Emma Watson said the exact same thing actually in an interview lol...

From what I've seen random approaches don't happen here too often though.


----------



## lisbeth

Persephone The Dread said:


> Emma Watson said the exact same thing actually in an interview lol...
> 
> From what I've seen random approaches don't happen here to often though.


I think English men are awkward, but I wouldn't say polite. Maybe it depends on the kind of guys you associate with, though. I haven't really met any gentlemanly ones.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

lisbeth said:


> I think English men are awkward, but I wouldn't say polite. Maybe it depends on the kind of guys you associate with, though. I haven't really met any gentlemanly ones.


Oh I was just talking about the 'not asking out' thing really, I don't think Emma said they were polite/gentlemanly either. (It feels weird calling her Emma like I know her hah.)

I think the gentleman thing is a myth really  pretty sure guys here will be about as polite on average, as in most other countries. English people aren't as out spoken as people in the US though I don't think (in general.)

edit:

wait found what she said


----------



## lisbeth

Persephone The Dread said:


> Oh I was just talking about the 'not asking out' thing really, I don't think Emma said they were polite/gentlemanly either.
> 
> I think the gentleman thing is a myth really  pretty sure guys here will be about as polite on average, as in most other countries. English people aren't as out spoken as people in the US though I don't think (in general.)


Oh, right, yeah. I mean, I've been asked out on dates by English guys who've used the word 'date', but it's felt really awkward. I'm not sure if it's just the SA that makes it feel awkward, but the word 'date' and the whole concept is hella awkward to me. It carries so much pressure.

But I've only been asked out on dates by guys I've already met and known and, in most cases, already kissed. So in that case the lack of date culture is really true. I think America does a lot more of that, the casual dating and the cold approach.


----------



## calichick

I hear that guys in the UK don't work out, because the weather is always so dreary they have no incentive.

Pale and skinny. Every girl's dream :lol


I love American guys. They try so hard to impress.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> I hear that guys in the UK don't work out, because the weather is always so dreary they have no incentive.
> 
> Pale and skinny. Every girl's dream :lol
> 
> *I love American guys. They try so hard to impress.*


You know I watched a documentary recently on penis enlargement and:

quote from it:

woman in documentary from California: 'oh my god I'm so sorry. Are you going to get surgery done?'

British guy: 'it was bizarre, I had left all thoughts of surgery behind me years ago, but after being in California for just a few hours I was all ready feeling the pressure to reconsider.'

Yeah, the world they seem to live in there, seems to fit with your ideals well too actually lol.

edit: removed link, just realised the video's probably not allowed due to the nature of the topic.


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> You know I watched a documentary recently on penis enlargement and:
> 
> quote from it:
> 
> woman in documentary from California: 'oh my god I'm so sorry. Are you going to get surgery done? .


I'm not going to lie, I have said the same exact thing in my head before.

This woman may have been me :lol


----------



## Barette

Was she saying sorry that he had a small penis or that he felt inclined to get the surgery?


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Barette said:


> Was she saying sorry that he had a small penis or that he felt inclined to get the surgery?


That he had a small penis. she also said just before that, that she broke up with a guy who had a larger penis than him because she thought it was too small, so it was a bit awkward to watch.


----------



## Barette

Persephone The Dread said:


> That he had a small penis. she also said just before that, that she broke up with a guy who had a larger penis than him because she thought it was too small, so it was a bit awkward to watch.


Awwww poor guy.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> I hear that guys in the UK don't work out, because the weather is always so dreary they have no incentive.
> 
> Pale and skinny. Every girl's dream :lol
> 
> I love American guys. They try so hard to impress.


I wish they were just pale and skinny. These days more of them are pale and flabby.

It's not true that guys in the UK don't work out, though. I mean, most don't, but a lot of young guys live in the gym. You should've seen my old university's rowing team. Swoooooon.


----------



## Gwynevere

Persephone The Dread said:


> Not that I'm going to help with this post, but I just wanted to point out how more optimistic the guy's equivalent thread seems overall :lol oh man...


Well the OP is extremely pessimistic about finding love right now. I want to, but honestly I'm so doubtful, at least until I get my anxiety and other issues under control.


----------



## millyxox

I'm trying to get more comfortable around guys...I talk with guys at work which is a huge improvement, a year ago I couldn't even talk, or even look at a guy in the eye or smile. 
I'm trying to be as independent as possible and stop trying to find a guy... I feel like if I stop focusing on guys and start focusing on accepting myself and improving myself as an individual, then maybe guys will be attracted to that, to a girl that doesn't need nobody. That can stand on her own, that enjoys life. I feel like things happen when you least expect it, when you stop looking or focusing too hard on something and develop an easy going attitude. I'll come off as less desperate. I'll focus on having fun and guys will be attracted to fun


----------



## ev29

millyxox said:


> I'm trying to get more comfortable around guys...I talk with guys at work which is a huge improvement, a year ago I couldn't even talk, or even look at a guy in the eye or smile.
> I'm trying to be as independent as possible and stop trying to find a guy... I feel like if I stop focusing on guys and start focusing on accepting myself and improving myself as an individual, then maybe guys will be attracted to that, to a girl that doesn't need nobody. That can stand on her own, that enjoys life. I feel like things happen when you least expect it, when you stop looking or focusing too hard on something and develop an easy going attitude. I'll come off as less desperate. I'll focus on having fun and guys will be attracted to fun


Yeah, just focus on yourself and improving yourself, life's not all about finding love. It will find you eventually, probably when you least expect it (I know that sounds cliche but I guess there's a reason it's a cliche). Be the best version of yourself. Don't try and force it to happen... if you see someone you like then talk to them, but don't try and look for someone you like when you don't like anybody... if that makes any sense haha.


----------



## Rixy

calichick said:


> I hear that guys in the UK don't work out, because the weather is always so dreary they have no incentive.


I don't know, the whole "Live in the gym, eat creatine and wear nothing but vests" lifestyle seems to be getting increasingly popular with guys my age over here.


----------



## Jesuszilla

millyxox said:


> I'm trying to get more comfortable around guys...I talk with guys at work which is a huge improvement, a year ago I couldn't even talk, or even look at a guy in the eye or smile.
> I'm trying to be as independent as possible and stop trying to find a guy... I feel like if I stop focusing on guys and start focusing on accepting myself and improving myself as an individual, then maybe guys will be attracted to that, to a girl that doesn't need nobody. That can stand on her own, that enjoys life. I feel like things happen when you least expect it, when you stop looking or focusing too hard on something and develop an easy going attitude. I'll come off as less desperate. I'll focus on having fun and guys will be attracted to fun


I love your attitude. While I don't necessarily believe love happens when we least expect it, I do strongly believe in living for ourselves. Do what we want to do with our lives. That is probably the true road to a fulfilling life and finding a fulfilling partner. Excellent post and I hope everything works out well for you.


----------



## Raeden

calichick said:


> I hear that guys in the UK don't work out, because the weather is always so dreary they have no incentive.
> 
> Pale and skinny. Every girl's dream :lol
> 
> I love American guys. They try so hard to impress.


I'm not sure where you are in the United States. However, every time I look around, I just see fat and pale guys.


----------



## lisbeth

_[Staff Edit]_

Anyway, on that other note: of course I don't wish British men were timid little mice. I'm pretty sure the _"Hahahahhahaha"_ prefacing my post shows exactly how literally I meant that. The point is that I've met more who were the opposite. They might've been emotionally reserved but they've sure seemed sexually forward. A bit of gentlemanly behaviour would be a breath of fresh air.


----------



## Gwynevere

_[Staff Edit]_

So, finally done with finals, thinking about going to an after finals party tonight. It's school sponsored so no booze or drugs which means it's going to be extremely hard for me because that's so far been the only way to handle my anxiety with talking to people. I might try it out though and see if I can meet someone or just get some experience with sober talking to guys. Any tips for chatting dudes up in a school party atmosphere?


----------



## tbyrfan

Gwynevere said:


> _[Staff Edit]_
> 
> So, finally done with finals, thinking about going to an after finals party tonight. It's school sponsored so no booze or drugs which means it's going to be extremely hard for me because that's so far been the only way to handle my anxiety with talking to people. I might try it out though and see if I can meet someone or just get some experience with sober talking to guys. Any tips for chatting dudes up in a school party atmosphere?


School-sponsored events are a GREAT way to make new friends. You are much more likely to meet respectful people who are focused on academics and who would like a serious relationship. Alcohol-free events are nearly guaranteed to weed out the rude, careless party people. It will be very low-pressure - you can talk normally, ask people how finals were and what classes they took/fun things they did in the area around campus, etc.


----------



## mezzoforte

You're extremely brave to even consider going, Gwynevere. You should tell us how it goes.


----------



## calichick

Can I just say, I love American guys and all but they've got some nerve on them.

I got approached by a guy yesterday with perhaps the oldest clunker on the road. I was out shopping looking for a handsome rich man (as always, what's new), wearing a tank top, skinny jeans, my hear pulled in a high pony tail, aviators.... and I emerge from the store, walking towards my car. This guy in a 1980s white van which looked something like a molestor mobile shouts at me from about 10 yards away. He yells it about 5 times, I'm thinking, did I drop a $20 on the floor or something? Comes closer, I'm panicking, hop in my car, "What's your name"...tell him it, close the door immediately, lock it, he pulls up parallel to my window and I'm expecting him to chase me down in my car, and asks me, "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?"

Like really? Do you see the car I'm getting into, and do you see your car side by side. There's at minimum a $40k gap between us buddy. Am I going to pay or what?

I lied for the first time in my life saying I have a boyfriend, he pauses, "I can respect that" 

Girls, walk proud with confidence! Men love this.



Rixy said:


> I don't know, the whole "Live in the gym, eat creatine and wear nothing but vests" lifestyle seems to be getting increasingly popular with guys my age over here.


It's about time. Only thing they need now is a half decent tan.



Raeden said:


> I'm not sure where you are in the United States. However, every time I look around, I just see fat and pale guys.


Look at my username. We're not in Kansas Dorothy.


----------



## calichick

failoutboy said:


> Are you a real person?


Real in the sense that I'm alive? Yes.

Real in the sense that you'll meet someone like me? Most likely not.

Reality is all subjective.


----------



## lisbeth

failoutboy said:


> I'm not trying to be mean, but you sound like a caricature.


I like to picture calichick as a blonde Conchita Wurst, latte in hand, and driving a pink Corvette.


----------



## gunner21

failoutboy said:


> I'm not trying to be mean, but you sound like a caricature.


Probably a guy.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> Probably a guy.


I swear on my life I'm not 

Carry on thread. (P.S. I love this thread!)


----------



## arnie

failoutboy said:


> Are you a real person?


She's a caricature of her self.


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> But regardless I've just accepted her as part of the fauna here now.


How sweet.

Have fun folks debating whether I'm real or not. Gotta run.


----------



## arnie

We're doing IVF.

Fingers crossed.


----------



## calichick

arnie said:


> We're doing IVF.
> 
> Fingers crossed.


Who's "we"?

25% success rate @ 13k a pop


----------



## gunner21

Some freshly baked white bread for calichick


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> Some freshly baked white bread for calichick


You'll all be happy to know I made a decision last week that I am going to open up my options to include "white bread" because I think I made an incorrect judgment of them before based on my own preconceived notions about what is attractive and not, and not all white bread is ridiculously boring and plain looking.

I think before when 'white bread' guys were approaching me, I kind of mentally tuned them out. But I am only interested in the highly attractive ones with impeccable features and physicality and decent skin tones in the medium range.

As usual. So the next time a white bread guy checks me out, I will reconsider. 

Especially if they looked like this,

Guy on the right



















I think I could work with that.


----------



## crimeclub

I love how Cali has the ability to unintentionally (or otherwise) derail nearly every thread she graces. Calichick, I love your work. (not sarcasm, the pleasure is all on this side)


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I love how Cali has the ability to unintentionally (or otherwise) derail nearly every thread she graces. Calichick, I love your work.
> 
> edit: ^not sarcasm, you only strongly annoy me maybe 10% of the time, the other 90% the pleasure is all on this side.


. . . How is this off topic?

Isn't this topic about the female mating rituals?

I think *you* have the wrong topic.

May I redirect all you straight guys to your proper thread or

What are you doing to get a girl


----------



## Sacrieur

lisbeth said:


> Do you go out of your way to be abrasive or does it come naturally to you?


She's just tactlessly honest.

No need to get defensive unless it's true.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I was referring to the debate about whether you are real or not.


How was that conversation initiated by me in any way shape or form?

I posted a recent experience about a man in a shatty car having the balls to ask me out and failoutboy asked me if I'm a real person. I'm pretty much on topic 99% of the time, some people just feel the necessity to question my credibility.

Which they are perfectly fine to do, and can do if they'd like.

And I'm glad you see it as entertainment because I do as well. I pretty much take every form of interaction with men IRL as entertainment and will never stop laughing at them to the extent they go to make an impression of some sort. I live my life for this stuff and will continue to seek that kind of adventure.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> How was that conversation initiated by me in any way shape or form?
> 
> I posted a recent experience about a man in a shatty car having the balls to ask me out and failoutboy asked me if I'm a real person. I'm pretty much on topic 99% of the time, some people just feel the necessity to question my credibility.
> 
> Which they are perfectly fine to do, and can do if they'd like.
> 
> And I'm glad you see it as entertainment because I do as well. I pretty much take every form of interaction with men IRL as entertainment and will never stop laughing at them to the extent they go to make an impression of some sort. I live my life for this stuff and will continue to seek that kind of adventure.


Rock on Calipants.

And btw I mostly meant your posts spawn replies that derail the thread. But back on topic, there was some talk of you widening your scope of male candidates who are applying for the position of Mr. Right, I heard you bought out Wonderbread. Excuse me I've got a Rocky 4 montage to complete; I'm here to win.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I could totally be bisexual or even gay.


I never ruled out that possibility.



crimeclub said:


> Rock on Calipants.
> 
> And btw I mostly meant your posts spawn replies that derail the thread. But back on topic, there was some talk of you widening your scope of male candidates who are applying for the position of Mr. Right, I heard you bought out Wonderbread. Excuse me I've got a Rocky 4 montage to complete; I'm here to win.


I am likely the most ridiculously standards oriented woman on this board so you're preaching to the wrong choir.


----------



## calichick

Did anyone notice no women post in the other thread but this one is 50% male posters


I would say that's pretty representative of how it works in this world.

On a side note, my nail polish is so pretty. 

Essie, Boom, Boom, Boom, for the Barbie within each one of us.


----------



## Sacrieur

calichick said:


> Did anyone notice no women post in the other thread but this one is 50% male posters
> 
> I would say that's pretty representative of how it works in this world.


Is there a problem with that?


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> Is there a problem with that?


No, I can't blame men for trying to gain an inside look into a female brain.

because they sure got their work cut out for them.


----------



## lisbeth

Sacrieur said:


> She's just tactlessly honest.
> 
> No need to get defensive unless it's true.


I'm not defensive. I'm pointing out that she's being rude.



Sacrieur said:


> Is there a problem with that?


IMO, yes. It's getting this thread derailed even further than it already was.


----------



## ev29

Gwynevere said:


> Ladies, ladies...chill
> 
> So, finally done with finals, thinking about going to an after finals party tonight. It's school sponsored so no booze or drugs which means it's going to be extremely hard for me because that's so far been the only way to handle my anxiety with talking to people. I might try it out though and see if I can meet someone or just get some experience with sober talking to guys. Any tips for chatting dudes up in a school party atmosphere?


Congrats for finishing!

Umm tips... just try and relax and be yourself I guess. Ask random questions to keep the conversation going. If there's a group of people that seem to be having an interesting conversation just walk up and stand there and smile and laugh and people should usually accept you into the conversation. That's what I try and do anyway.

Good luck let us know how it goes


----------



## Sacrieur

calichick said:


> No, I can't blame men for trying to gain an inside look into a female brain.
> 
> because they sure got their work cut out for them.


Men and women have the same brain.


----------



## Rixy

Gwynevere said:


> Ladies, ladies...chill
> 
> So, finally done with finals, thinking about going to an after finals party tonight. It's school sponsored so no booze or drugs which means it's going to be extremely hard for me because that's so far been the only way to handle my anxiety with talking to people. I might try it out though and see if I can meet someone or just get some experience with sober talking to guys. Any tips for chatting dudes up in a school party atmosphere?


Smiling and being positive goes a long way. Kind of a simple one but keep it in mind.


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> Men and women have the same brain.


I lol'ed.


----------



## arnie

Sacrieur said:


> Men and women have the same brain.


Not true at all. Once again, the science disagrees with your politically correct fantasy:

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ


----------



## Sacrieur

arnie said:


> Not true at all. Once again, the science disagrees with your politically correct fantasy:
> 
> http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ


I meant a human brain.


----------



## arnie

Sacrieur said:


> I meant a human brain.


wut. That's what the article is about. Try reading it.


----------



## Sacrieur

arnie said:


> wut. That's what the article is about. Try reading it.


Yes yes, there are physiological differences in the brain like the male's larger center devoted to sex and the larger Broca's area in the female.

But this is on the average and does not represent an everyday account person to person. There are individual differences in brain structure for everyone, but underlying it is that we are all humans capable of thinking, feeling, and perceiving.

It's offensive to suggest that I have trouble "understanding" a female brain because I am male. This only serves to perpetuate a sexist culture.


----------



## Barette

calichick said:


> *Did anyone notice no women post in the other thread but this one is 50% male posters*
> 
> *I would say that's pretty representative of how it works in this world.*
> 
> On a side note, my nail polish is so pretty.
> 
> Essie, Boom, Boom, Boom, for the Barbie within each one of us.


Srs.


----------



## Gwynevere

Lol thanks for all the encouragement but I didn't go, I could just totally picture standing alone looking at groups of people talk and have fun while having no idea how to break in.


----------



## shyvr6

Please stay on topic.


----------



## ev29

Gwynevere said:


> Lol thanks for all the encouragement but I didn't go, I could just totally picture standing alone looking at groups of people talk and have fun while having no idea how to break in.


Yeah, that's what happens to me too, I start imagining how awkward I'll be and end up convincing myself not to go. Maybe next time find out if there's anybody you know that's going that you could tag along with or something


----------



## lisbeth

I somehow managed to get myself a sorta date next week. Wot.

But leaving that aside, here's something I want to get some input on from ladies here. There's been a real pattern to my experiences thus far which I just can't understand and which really kind of bothers me. I've only ever really been asked out by guys after they've initially tried and failed to get me to sleep with them. Each time it's pretty much gone like this:

meet a guy, hit it off > he tries to get me to have sex with him > I refuse > see him again, he tries his luck again > I refuse > he keeps texting me halfheartedly trying to get me to come over > I refuse > finally he asks me out to lunch (or whatever).

Each time. Different guys met in different places.










Seriously, what is up with that?

How come guys only seem to ask me out as a last resort after I've turned them down sexually? "Sigh, all these avenues didn't work, damn it, guess I have to make an honest woman of her, siiiiiiigh ugh gross let's go get coffee". Why don't they ask me out first and then try their luck afterwards? I don't get it. I'm pretty sure other girls don't get it in this order.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> Seriously, what _is_ up with that?
> 
> How come guys only seem to ask me out as a last resort after I've turned them down sexually? "Sigh, all these avenues didn't work, damn it, guess I have to make an honest woman of her, siiiiiiigh ugh". Why don't they ask me out first and then try their luck afterwards? I don't get it. I'm pretty sure other girls don't get it in this order.


As I always say, it's the age group (not sure why people don't know this). Other girls probably have to deal with the same thing unless they hang out with more serious, down-to-earth types.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> As I always say, it's the age group (not sure why people don't know this). Other girls probably have to deal with the same thing unless they hang out with more serious, down-to-earth types.


I got that from two guys in their mid-twenties and a guy I met at a university society.

I also got similar from a guy on my university course except he never actually asked me on a proper date.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> I got that from two guys in their mid-twenties and a guy I met at a university society.


Seriously? Wow...people suck. Some never grow up. :no

Maybe it's a problem that comes with being objectively attractive? Or just bad luck.


----------



## diamondheart89

lisbeth said:


> I got that from two guys in their mid-twenties and a guy I met at a university society.


Maybe you're too nice to them. As in not demanding/high maintenance enough. So they think it'll be easy to convince you to have sex without having to do the work of dating. All I can think of to explain this. Or they're all really immature and lazy.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> Seriously? Wow...people suck. Some never grow up. :no
> 
> Maybe it's a problem that comes with being objectively attractive? Or just bad luck.


IDK, I don't think so. I look the same as the next girl and I don't hear the next girl complaining. I think it's either something I'm doing or bad luck.



diamondheart89 said:


> Maybe you're too nice to them. As in not demanding/high maintenance enough. So they think it'll be easy to convince you to have sex without having to do the work of dating. All I can think of to explain this. Or they're all really immature and lazy.


Pushover sounds about right. I'm unassertive to the point where when somebody's tried to get me to go home with them after a night out I've been like "ummmm umm uhh I can't uh my friends are waiting I have an early morning uhh I have to wash my hair".


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> IDK, I don't think so. I look the same as the next girl and I don't hear the next girl complaining. I think it's either something I'm doing or bad luck.


Really? That also seems unusual to me - I thought pretty girls had to deal with stuff like that all the time (from what I've heard, they do). Maybe it could be that you do have to be more firm with people.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> Really? That also seems unusual to me - I thought pretty girls had to deal with stuff like that all the time (from what I've heard, they do). Maybe it could be that you do have to be more firm with people.


I definitely have to be more firm with people. That's something I've realised lately. I feel like I'm learning everything from scratch.

I don't know, it could be that I just haven't heard about it from other girls rather than it isn't going on for them. It's not like I have a wide social circle, so maybe I just don't know enough people to have a good idea of how things are.


----------



## diamondheart89

lisbeth said:


> IDK, I don't think so. I look the same as the next girl and I don't hear the next girl complaining. I think it's either something I'm doing or bad luck.
> 
> Pushover sounds about right. I'm unassertive to the point where when somebody's tried to get me to go home with them after a night out I've been like "ummmm umm uhh I can't uh my friends are waiting I have an early morning uhh I have to wash my hair".


Yeah, I'm like that sometimes too. Like sometimes I feel like a b**** for telling people no, but when I don't do it from the get-go, people always try to keep pushing the limit and being more and more selfish. So you gotta just do it and be okay with it having your own wants and desires and goals, especially if they differ from theirs. Otherwise you won't get any respect and you'll get taken advantage of.


----------



## lisbeth

diamondheart89 said:


> Yeah, I'm like that sometimes too. Like sometimes I feel like a b**** for telling people no, but when I don't do it from the get-go, people always try to keep pushing the limit and being more and more selfish. So you gotta just do it and be okay with it having your own wants and desires and goals, especially if they differ from theirs. Otherwise you won't get any respect and you'll get taken advantage of.


The problem is I always feel like if I say anything that's an outright no - something as simple as "I'm not comfortable with that yet" - they're going to feel insulted, and if I turn something down openly I'm going to get completely rejected. Obviously the stock answer for that is "someone who'll react like that isn't worth having anyway", but when you feel _everyone_ is going to react like that, that phrase seems very unrealistic and meaningless. I don't know that people will react like that but I can't shake the belief that they will. So many times I've really not felt okay with the way somebody acted towards me, but I've had no idea what to say about it, so I haven't said anything.


----------



## diamondheart89

lisbeth said:


> The problem is I always feel like if I say anything that's an outright no - something as simple as "I'm not comfortable with that yet" - they're going to feel insulted, and if I turn something down openly I'm going to get completely rejected. Obviously the stock answer for that is "someone who'll react like that isn't worth having anyway", but when you feel _everyone_ is going to react like that, that phrase seems very unrealistic and meaningless. I don't know that people will react like that but I can't shake the belief that they will. So many times I've really not felt okay with the way somebody acted towards me, but I've had no idea what to say about it, so I haven't said anything.


Here's my take on it... if you're not in it just for the sex, what will you have gained if you do go along with them and have sex and then it ends up going nowhere else? You will have a) compromised your wants b)given them what they want regardless of your needs c) still ended up alone. So, in that case, is it more agreeable for you to go through all of this and then learn that it won't go anywhere or to be possibly rejected outright in the beginning - on the one hand, you'll have a few moments of intimacy in exchange for doing what you don't want to do, on the other hand you will have been possibly rejected, but also invested less time and emotion into something that wouldn't work out anyway.

And the fear of rejection is huge, I get that, but ultimately you have to risk it in order to be happy.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

lisbeth said:


> I somehow managed to get myself a sorta date next week. Wot.


Well bloody done, lisbeth 










Smug Leo approves.


----------



## Tomyx

Absolutely nothing!


----------



## lisbeth

TicklemeRingo said:


> Well bloody done, lisbeth
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Smug Leo approves.


The guy seems like the hit-it-and-quit-it/hookup type to me, so hold off on the congratulations. I'm too tired to deal with any of it or do any more guessing at someone's veiled intentions (which is all this **** ever seems to be) so really right now all I want is more friends. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment, but in terms of how I see this prospect:












diamondheart89 said:


> Here's my take on it... if you're not in it just for the sex, what will you have gained if you do go along with them and have sex and then it ends up going nowhere else? You will have a) compromised your wants b)given them what they want regardless of your needs c) still ended up alone. So, in that case, is it more agreeable for you to go through all of this and then learn that it won't go anywhere or to be possibly rejected outright in the beginning - on the one hand, you'll have a few moments of intimacy in exchange for doing what you don't want to do, on the other hand you will have been possibly rejected, but also invested less time and emotion into something that wouldn't work out anyway.
> 
> And the fear of rejection is huge, I get that, but ultimately you have to risk it in order to be happy.


I'm beginning to see things that way.

I mean, the problem in the past has been that I haven't been sure what I want, and I've had a huge amount of trouble telling the difference between what I want and what somebody else wants. It's not been a case of "doing what I don't want to do" because it _has_ been what I've wanted, just not necessarily when I've wanted and definitely not all I've wanted. I couldn't identify what I wanted or needed and found it totally impossible to figure out how somebody else was seeing it. Outside hindsight being 20/20, I don't know if I'm getting any better at that.

Mainly I'm just tired. At the moment it feels easy because I want everyone to stay at arm's length from me. I don't particularly want a guy's liking and approval so I don't find myself tiptoeing and trying to be accommodating. It's easy to say no to sex because I'm so out of sorts that the thought of sex repulses me. So it looks like I'm getting better at enforcing boundaries (I even told this particular guy off when I didn't like something he said to me) when in reality I'm just currently bitter and standoffish. But hell, whatever. If my current bad mood teaches me some good habits I can continue with when I'm feeling better, then it's clouds and silver linings.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> .


I know you're not asking, and I'm sure you already have a decent idea, but here's how a guy like this would work with the average girl (if he's actually willing to put in some work)... He takes her out 1-3 times, is charming, a gent, and is starting to show some interest in her (a guy looking for sex could give Daniel Day-Lewis a run for his money) He'll try to initiate sex probably before she's confident he won't disappear right after leaving her feeling used, but he's still in Academy Award mode so he'll make her feel genuinely cared about, and also explain where he's coming from in the situation. So they have sex, he thanks the Academy and his family, and the act is over around the post-sex refractory period. He'll either be a douche and cut things off/ignore her, or he'll be a bigger douche and see if he can string her along for a very confusing stint of her putting out while he seems "Distant" "hot and cold" "on and off" "really busy right now" "figuring things out" whatever she wants to call it.

Anyway, he probably thinks you're very attractive and could very well think you're a really cool and fun girl during the date, but I'd go out with him under the assumption that he thinks he's playing you like an average girl considering he luckily already revealed that his goal at this point in his life is sex. Though maybe you're not even open to a relationship yourself. Anyway, information source: I did it in my non committal early/mid 20s, my friends did, and their friends did it, and their friends did it. Douches, every one of us.


----------



## lisbeth

crimeclub said:


> I know you're not asking, and I'm sure you already have a decent idea, but here's how a guy like this would work with the average girl (if he's actually willing to put in some work)... He takes her out 1-3 times, is charming, a gent, and is starting to show some interest in her (a guy looking for sex could give Daniel Day-Lewis a run for his money) He'll try to initiate sex probably before she's confident he won't disappear right after leaving her feeling used, but he's still in Academy Award mode so he makes her feel cared about, and also explains where he's coming from in the situation. So they have sex, he thanks the Academy and his family, and the act is over around the post-sex refractory period. He'll either be a douche and cut things off/ignore her, or he'll be a bigger douche and see if he can string her along for a very confusing stint of her putting out while he seems "Distant" "hot and cold" "on and off" "really busy right now" "figuring things out" whatever she wants to call it.


Yep. Yeah. Sounds familiar.



crimeclub said:


> Anyway, he probably thinks you're very attractive and could very well think you're a really cool and fun girl during the date, but I'd go out with him under the assumption that he thinks he's playing you like an average girl considering he luckily already revealed that his goal at this point in his life is sex. Though maybe you're not even open to a relationship yourself. Anyway, information source: I did it in my non committal early/mid 20s, my friends did, and their friends did it, and their friends did it. Douches, every one of us.


I just don't know how to behave regarding all this, honestly. How are you supposed to recognise somebody who's sincere, when going by probability you have to assume every guy is one of the Daniel Day-Lewises?


----------



## Gwynevere

crimeclub said:


> I know you're not asking, and I'm sure you already have a decent idea, but here's how a guy like this would work with the average girl (if he's actually willing to put in some work)... He takes her out 1-3 times, is charming, a gent, and is starting to show some interest in her (a guy looking for sex could give Daniel Day-Lewis a run for his money) He'll try to initiate sex probably before she's confident he won't disappear right after leaving her feeling used, but he's still in Academy Award mode so he'll make her feel genuinely cared about. So they have sex, he thanks the Academy and his family, and the act is over around the post-sex refractory period. He'll either be a douche and cut things off/ignore her, or *he'll be a bigger douche and see if he can string her along for a very confusing stint of her putting out while he seems "Distant" "hot and cold" "on and off" "really busy right now" "figuring things out" whatever she wants to call it.*
> 
> Anyway, he probably thinks you're very attractive and could very well think you're a really cool and fun girl during the date, but I'd go out with him under the assumption that he thinks he's playing you like an average girl considering he luckily already revealed that his goal at this point in his life is sex. Though maybe you're not even open to a relationship yourself. Anyway, information source: I did it in my non committal early/mid 20s, my friends did, and their friends did it, and their friends did it. Douches, every one of us.


:um


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> :um


Why the face?


----------



## Gwynevere

lisbeth said:


> I just don't know how to behave regarding all this, honestly. How are you supposed to recognise somebody who's sincere, when going by probability you have to assume every guy is one of the Daniel Day-Lewises?


I feel so wrong suggesting this, but maybe coffee/lunch/drinks are hit-it-and-quit-it dates and you should make him take you actually on a date to dinner somewhere decent, that's a lot more effort for him.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> Yep. Yeah. Sounds familiar.
> 
> I just don't know how to behave regarding all this, honestly. How are you supposed to recognise somebody who's sincere, when going by probability you have to assume every guy is one of the Daniel Day-Lewises?


You don't have to assume that, until they give you a reason to assume it. Obviously don't introduce a stranger into your life naively, but also don't drive yourself crazy. Dating is always a gamble, so all you have to work with really are signs and your gut feelings. Is a guy starting to feel distant or too busy? Are you getting a slight feeling that you're starting to be a little disrespected? Is there something about a guy that feels a little off? Its obviously not an exact science or ever really clear but in my experience following those feelings is often the way to go. This particular guy's initial approach isnt a gut feeling, it's more of a punch to the gut, that approach is more shameless and insulting than anything I mentioned in my other post, you're giving him the benefit of the doubt yet he wasn't even going to give you the expected, default benefit of the doubt that you're not a skank...Go on the date and get a free dinner, a free night, sex, whatever you want, its on him. At least that's what I'd do since a free date sounds like a wonderland.

Anyway don't get too bummed out, there are plenty of sincere well-intentioned guys...over the age of 22ish. The younger and more immature; the more risk there will be. Applies to both guys and girls.


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't know, it's not the right time to be thinking about it anyway I guess.


Don't wait too long though PTD, the value of your selection pool goes down past the age of 30 because all the good ones are getting hitched. (I would say even past the age of 25, because lets be honest men in their 20s are ripe for picking)

Searching for Mr. Right is like shopping for a purse. You're going to go through a lot of duds before you find the right fit. The fun is in trying out different ones, you're inevitably going to make mistakes but that's what life is about!

It's the adventure which goes along with it, the experiences that you'll have in meeting new and different people which is thrilling in itself.


----------



## Gwynevere

calichick said:


> Don't wait too long though PTD, the value of your selection pool goes down past the age of 30 because all the good ones are getting hitched. (I would say even past the age of 25, because lets be honest men in their 20s are ripe for picking)
> 
> Searching for Mr. Right is like shopping for a purse. You're going to go through a lot of duds before you find the right fit. The fun is in trying out different ones, you're inevitably going to make mistakes but that's what life is about!
> 
> It's the adventure which goes along with it, the experiences that you'll have in meeting new and different people which is thrilling in itself.


I wish I could bounce back that fast, every mistake leaves me too upset to talk to dudes for weeks or months.


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> I feel so wrong suggesting this, but maybe coffee/lunch/drinks are hit-it-and-quit-it dates and you should make him take you actually on a date to dinner somewhere decent, that's a lot more effort for him.


I can't 'make' someone do anything.

I see what you're trying to get at here but I just can't get on board with it. Like, for one thing it seems so conniving to try to 'test' someone that way, but it's also kind of pointless. Changing the place you're meeting isn't going to change somebody's intentions.



Persephone The Dread said:


> This thread makes me really sad. Like on one hand I'm in no position to be dating right now anyway, so it should make me feel more OK about that knowing that it's such a mind ****/frustrating experience anyway (at least when you're in your early 20's/late teens,) but it just makes me think that this is always going to be really hard and if I ever get the rest of my life to a better position will it even be worth bothering? Perhaps I'd feel better about it then, I don't know.
> 
> It sounds like searching for a diamond in a hay stack. (lol mixed metaphor) The whole dating/searching for someone part sounds emotionally exhausting.
> 
> I don't know, it's not the right time to be thinking about it anyway I guess.


That's how I feel about it too, but somehow I half-heartedly roll along.



crimeclub said:


> You don't have to assume that, until they give you a reason to assume it. Obviously don't introduce a stranger into your life naively, but also don't drive yourself crazy. Dating is always a gamble, so all you have to work with really are signs you notice and your gut feelings. Are you getting a slight feeling that you're starting to be a little disrespected? Is there something about a guy that feels a little off? Is a guy starting to feel distant or too busy? Its obviously not an exact science or ever really clear but in my experience following those feelings is often the way to go. This particular guy's initial approach isnt a gut feeling, it's more of a punch to the gut, that approach is more shameless and insulting than anything I mentioned in my other post, you're giving him the benefit of the doubt yet he wasn't even going to give you the expected, default benefit of the doubt that you're not a skank...Go on the date and get a free dinner, a free night, sex, whatever you want, its on him. At least that's what I'd do since a free date sounds like a wonderland.
> 
> Anyway don't get too bummed out, there are plenty of sincere well-intentioned guys...over the age of 22ish. The younger and more immature, the more risk there will be. Applies to both guys and girls.


Honestly? This particular guy's approach is pretty much the same as the other approaches I've encountered. As I said in my first post, it's a pattern. Different guys I met in different contexts and yet the approach is the same.

He's also four or five years older than me. People keep mentioning age but I don't think age is really as much of a factor here as it's being presented, and I definitely don't think older guys are better-intentioned than younger ones. So many people my age are in relationships.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> I can't 'make' someone do anything.


Yes. _You can_.

You are a woman, women have been using the art of seduction since BC. Women can make men do anything they damn well please. (Get out of that 'beta' female mindset, that gets a girl nowhere! You are in control.)

Also Gwynevere, don't worry, I used to be like you when I was 18. I went on 3 BAD DATES, and didn't have the motivation to look at another man for another 2 years because I invested all my hopes in those guys expecting one of them to turn into Mr. Right. With age/maturity comes the wisdom that the world is so abundant with men that if 1 turns out to be a dud, you really can't shed a tear because just behind the corner there's 5 more waiting. The key is not to expect too much from any one person. High expectations are the worst.


----------



## calichick

For the record girls, I think that I have the exact opposite "issue". I think that guys see me as long term potential but they're so damn afraid to be themselves around me, and always trying to impress, that it sucks some of the fun out of getting them to let loose and be themselves. It's like you're constantly around an actor who feels he needs to act a certain way or act like Rico Suave around you.

I think if you want to be like this, you have to protrude to him that you have all the qualities he's looking for.

You are the full package, meaning looks, charm, charisma, intellect, values
However, there's a fine line between being marriage material and being a Prima Madonna figure.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Yes. _You can_.
> 
> You are a woman, women have been using the art of seduction since BC. Women can make men do anything they damn well please. (Get out of that 'beta' female mindset, that gets a girl nowhere! You are in control.)


How so?



calichick said:


> With age/maturity comes the wisdom that the world is so abundant with men that if 1 turns out to be a dud, you really can't shed a tear because just behind the corner there's 5 more waiting.


This is certainly true. There's, like, 3.5 billion of them out there.


----------



## Milco

lisbeth said:


> I just don't know how to behave regarding all this, honestly. How are you supposed to recognise somebody who's sincere, when going by probability you have to assume every guy is one of the Daniel Day-Lewises?


It's very easy for me to say of course, but I've never really understood why it is so hard to tell. Maybe it's because I'm a guy myself so I've seen how many of the guys would talk when there weren't girls around, but for the most part it seems fairly simple tell if a guy is sincere or just wants quick 'fun' and then move on.
I'm not the person being hit on by these guys either though of course, which might make it harder. While the signals I've gotten from different girls probably haven't been overly complicated either, I think we do sometimes miss some cues that we shouldn't do something if it's something we'd really wish was right (and vice versa of course).

But if this is something that has happened a lot, I think you should try finding different guys. From a different group of friends, a different type, who is maybe sending different signals.
I'm certain you could find someone that really wanted to be with you, but you won't find him if you go for the wrong ones. Again, I don't know who you're going for or what your type is, but if you keep running into the wrong ones, there might be something you can do to find different ones


----------



## tbyrfan

Milco said:


> It's very easy for me to say of course, but I've never really understood why it is so hard to tell. Maybe it's because I'm a guy myself so I've seen how many of the guys would talk when there weren't girls around, *but for the most part it seems fairly simple tell if a guy is sincere or just wants quick 'fun' and then move on.*
> I'm not the person being hit on by these guys either though of course, which might make it harder. While the signals I've gotten from different girls probably haven't been overly complicated either, I think we do sometimes miss some cues that we shouldn't do something if it's something we'd really wish was right (and vice versa of course).
> 
> *But if this is something that has happened a lot, I think you should try finding different guys. From a different group of friends, a different type, who is maybe sending different signals.
> I'm certain you could find someone that really wanted to be with you, but you won't find him if you go for the wrong ones.* Again, I don't know who you're going for or what your type is, but if you keep running into the wrong ones, there might be something you can do to find different ones


Strongly agree with the bolded.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

To be fair, I suspect it might be easier for people to "read" others of the same gender.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Milco said:


> But if this is something that has happened a lot, I think you should try finding different guys. From a different group of friends, a different type, who is maybe sending different signals.
> I'm certain you could find someone that really wanted to be with you, but you won't find him if you go for the wrong ones. Again, I don't know who you're going for or what your type is, but if you keep running into the wrong ones, there might be something you can do to find different ones


Don't get me wrong this is sound advice but not dating the wrong ones isn't as easy as you think. Plenty of people "play nice" so to speak in the beginning and often gives off signs that (s)he may be interested in us. And then it blows up in our face or something happens and we wonder why things didn't work out when (s)he seemed like such a great person.

The rest of your comment was spot on, I just wanted to she light on why lisbeth may be having that problem, because I've been there with women before.


----------



## Milco

Jesuszilla said:


> Don't get me wrong this is sound advice but not dating the wrong ones isn't as easy as you think. Plenty of people "play nice" so to speak in the beginning and often gives off signs that (s)he may be interested in us. And then it blows up in our face or something happens and we wonder why things didn't work out when (s)he seemed like such a great person.
> 
> The rest of your comment was spot on, I just wanted to she light on why lisbeth may be having that problem, because I've been there with women before.


Hmm..
You're probably right, and it's maybe just due to my own lack of dating experience.
But when I've been in situations like that, looking back, I could usually see that I got carried away more than I should have and overlooked some of the signs that it wasn't as good as they were trying to make me think it was.
It doesn't have to always be like that of course, but I think we at least sometimes 'choose' to overlook bad signals... or maybe that's just me :b
It's a difficult and painful situation to be in though, so I'm not at all trying to say it's easy or anything like that. I do feel for people going through it.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> He's also four or five years older than me. People keep mentioning age but I don't think age is really as much of a factor here as it's being presented, and I definitely don't think older guys are better-intentioned than younger ones. So many people my age are in relationships.


I'd bet maturity takes precedence over age to an extent. And I'd also bet a lot that a mature 25 year old guy presents a hell of a lot less risk than a mature 21 year old guy. Generally the older a guy gets the more open he is to committed relationships; their friends are getting married, they've got a lot of the crazy out of them, they're probably getting tired of being single, and most importantly they have a much better idea of what they want and who they are. That all reduces a ton of potential for foul-play and mistake making in the dating world.



lisbeth said:


> Honestly? This particular guy's approach is pretty much the same as the other approaches I've encountered. As I said in my first post, it's a pattern. Different guys I met in different contexts and yet the approach is the same.


Do you feel like you come off as weak in social situations (regardless of whether you actually are weak)? Are you unconfident, shy, quiet, etc? ***holes' M-O is finding weakness and preying on it, it's just easier and there's the assumption that they'll be more naive. So take the appearance of weakness, then give it to a girl with above average looks, and then I'd be surprised if she _didn't_ practically have ***holes jumping out of bushes at her left and right. But that would attract all kinds of guys including good ones, it just means you're guaranteed the s*** guys too. :stu

Anyway, hope I was helpful in some way, good luck with everything!


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> I'd bet maturity takes precedence over age to an extent. And I'd also bet a lot that a mature 25 year old guy presents a hell of a lot less risk than a mature 21 year old guy. Generally the older a guy gets the more open he is to committed relationships; their friends are getting married, they've got a lot of the crazy out of them, they're probably getting tired of being single, and most importantly they have a much better idea of what they want and who they are. That all reduces a ton of potential for foul-play and mistake making in the dating world.


This, too. So much this.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> How so?


Seducing a man involves a combination of a bunch of different factors from the way you present yourself, to conducting your interactions with them in a tactful manner down to your demeanor and not overthinking things.

First thing's first,

1) APPEARANCE

Men are 100% visual creatures, but coming off as too desperate and revealing too much shows that you're not high worth. You need to highlight your best aspects, from the eyes, to the chest, to the hair. Alpha woman take great strides to manage how they come off to the outside world and take pride in this fact as well. That doesn't mean wearing 5 inch heels and a miniskirt everywhere, it means embodying the creation of a feminine body which you were blessed with ( and wearing a push up bra when it's suitable. :teeth)

I rely on form fitting clothes, thick hair, and super long thick lashes.










Never neglect your face either. Perfectly arched eyebrows and mega long lashes can capture a guy right on the spot. Sometimes, I'll just lock eyes with a man, hold it, it's kind of a hypnotist act and I feel their mind, I feel that connection. You need to make sure to enhance your features to kind of stand apart from the rest. No shame no game.










2) MYSTERY

Having control over a man means not letting him have control over _you_. In that respect, you should leave some aspects to the imagination. We all know those women, those chatty Kathy women who talk a million miles a minute upon meeting a guy and reveal way *too much too soon*. My little trick with guys is slowly revealing different sides of myself which may make them completely reevaluate me as a person continually.

I would say introverts definitely have an upper hand on this situation because we are naturally 'closed books' which definitely works in our favor, but I'm guessing that the majority of women here act very ditzy and submissive definitely welcoming guys to walk all over them which doesn't come intentionally but more as an act of self defense and fear that they may not be interested in them as a person if they show their true colors, which leads to my next point

3) DESPERATION

Even if this is the _first guy that's talked to you in 9 months_, you want to act like you have a line full of guys waiting for you. Men always complain about women acting high on their mighty horses, 'aka princess syndrome' but those are the girls they chase because one's self worth is often a measure of the worthiness which they receive from others.

When I'm interacting with men, I never give myself fully to any one man. I try to keep in constant communication with several guys (even on platonic level) to reduce the emotional investment that I'm placing on any which one. I'm not the most attentive of women meaning I place my needs first and often times in the past have forgotten about theirs (which makes them want it all the more).

4) FLIRT

Flirting signals non aggression which also makes it come off like you're less desperate. It's not only in your conversations that you can flirt, but in your body language, in your facial expressions, in your suggestions, in your playfulness.

My trick with flirting as I've mentioned before is making them feel good about themselves. *Men love their ego stroked*. They love to feel good about themselves and invoking those pleasurable hormones when you're around them only makes them associate being with YOU = amazing. The chemicals people, the chemicals!










5) CHARISMA

A nice face is a dime a dozen, what sets a rare girl apart is, my favorite word, *CHARISMA*.

Charisma is being able to go white water rafting as one of the guys.
Charisma is being able to hold a mentally * stimulating* discussion with him about the effects of evolution on our psychological development.
Charisma is having an independent life with your own career and friends.
Charisma is having a hobby that you're so passionate about that you can't go on a date with him tomorrow because you're busy doing it.
Charisma is being a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.

Those are my tips. Sadly enough to say, I would put it out there that it's 70% Physical 30% all the rest because men often times rely on their physical impression of you to make a judgment on what type of woman you are so it may be hard for a lesser endowed women to assert herself or be in control of the situation.


----------



## Barette

^Men _adore_ their ego stroked. Just look at them like you're excited to hear what they have to say, it's fail proof.


----------



## Barette

Milco said:


> It's very easy for me to say of course, but I've never really understood why it is so hard to tell. Maybe it's because I'm a guy myself so I've seen how many of the guys would talk when there weren't girls around, but for the most part it seems fairly simple tell if a guy is sincere or just wants quick 'fun' and then move on.
> I'm not the person being hit on by these guys either though of course, which might make it harder. While the signals I've gotten from different girls probably haven't been overly complicated either, I think we do sometimes miss some cues that we shouldn't do something if it's something we'd really wish was right (and vice versa of course).
> 
> But if this is something that has happened a lot, I think you should try finding different guys. From a different group of friends, a different type, who is maybe sending different signals.
> I'm certain you could find someone that really wanted to be with you, but you won't find him if you go for the wrong ones. Again, I don't know who you're going for or what your type is, but if you keep running into the wrong ones, there might be something you can do to find different ones


It's very hard because they're purposefully putting on an act. Telling lies. Things like that. It's easy to feel pretty and wanted when someone tells you you're pretty and wanted. As for what they want you for? Who knows. I can't tell the difference, myself.



Jesuszilla said:


> Don't get me wrong this is sound advice but not dating the wrong ones isn't as easy as you think. *Plenty of people "play nice" so to speak in the beginning and often gives off signs that (s)he may be interested in us.* And then it blows up in our face or something happens and we wonder why things didn't work out when (s)he seemed like such a great person.
> 
> The rest of your comment was spot on, I just wanted to she light on why lisbeth may be having that problem, because I've been there with women before.


Yes.

Also, I attract odd balls too. I don't understand it. It's kind of insulting, honestly. The other day I got approached by a man who was going to propose a sugar daddy type deal. I was in NYC. Let me repeat, I was in a city with millions of people just on my way to the train station. And yet this person saw me and picked me out. Time and time again, I get picked out by people who think I'm up for anything and won't give a no. I don't understand it since I don't think my body language is that telling.


----------



## calichick

Barette said:


> ^Men _adore_ their ego stroked. Just look at them like you're excited to hear what they have to say, it's fail proof.


Neuropsychology

The ability to manipulate situations based on the outcome that your actions have on others.

Literally, mind f***.

You girls should really look into it. When you know better, you do better.


----------



## joked35

I drive a rusty van and make drive-by candy offerings.


----------



## calichick

joked35 said:


> I drive a rusty van and make drive-by candy offerings.


Hence the term, 'molester mobile'. :lol


----------



## T Studdly

Nothing, tried a dating site for the school but didn't know you had to pay until after it wouldn't let me view messages...sucks. A few guys sent me messages which suprised the hell out of me.


----------



## Gwynevere

As much as I'm deeply attached to my style/appearance, I think I do have to make some serious changes in order for guys to see me differently/attract guys who are looking for different things. I think guys must look at me and think 'easy'


----------



## calichick

Gwynevere said:


> As much as I'm deeply attached to my style/appearance, I think I do have to make some serious changes in order for guys to see me differently/attract guys who are looking for different things. I think guys must look at me and think 'easy'


Why do you say that?

You do the daytime smokey eye?
Hooker heels?
Crop top for business attire ? :lol

I used to be a grade A skank in my teens and get 110% more attention now keeping it classy but just accentuating my chest, eyes and hair.


----------



## Gwynevere

calichick said:


> Why do you say that?
> 
> You do the daytime smokey eye?
> Hooker heels?
> Crop top for business attire ? :lol
> 
> I used to be a grade A skank in my teens and get 110% more attention now keeping it classy but just accentuating my chest, eyes and hair.


I have a sorta punk/homeless way of dressing, I have asymmetric hair dyed black, I wear hoodies or baggy clothes a lot, always dullish/dark colors, those sport arm/wrist sleeves


----------



## calichick

Gwynevere said:


> I have a sorta punk/homeless way of dressing, I have asymmetric hair dyed black, I wear hoodies or baggy clothes a lot, always dullish/dark colors, those sport arm/wrist sleeves


Well, whatever floats your boat.

I like to dress the way I want men to perceive me.

Classy, confident, and feminine.

I guess you're going for the...."edgy-I don't-give-a f***" look :lol

Just know that most guys won't give a f*** either.


----------



## Gwynevere

Yeah I need to make a change to that look. It's hard though because more feminine clothing scares me, and brighter colors too.


----------



## Schmosby

calichick said:


> Well, whatever floats your boat.
> 
> I like to dress the way I want men to perceive me.
> 
> Classy, confident, and feminine.
> 
> I guess you're going for the...."edgy-I don't-give-a f***" look :lol
> 
> Just know that most guys won't give a f*** either.


Doesn't that mean you just get interest from shallow guys that think how you dress matters? are those the type of guys you want interest from?


----------



## crimeclub

Gwynevere said:


> Yeah I need to make a change to that look. It's hard though because more feminine clothing scares me, and brighter colors too.


Not that I think you should make personal changes per se for guys, but improvements are totally reasonable imo, like you're probably interested in guys that have a similar style? Then just improve what you're already doing instead of changing, get nicer things within your style so it catches more attention from your target demographic, and the noticeable effort in your appearance will also be attractive in itself.


----------



## calichick

Schmosby said:


> Doesn't that mean you just get interest from shallow guys that think how you dress matters? are those the type of guys you want interest from?


If you mean hot men who have style themselves, than YES. I don't want losers who shop at Kmart and whose pants are halfway down their ankles.








PASS
Style is not everything, no, but what it IS is a manifestation of what you consider yourself to be, how much pride you take in your upkeep and maintenance which is SEXY in itself.

Anyways, if the guy isn't hot to begin with, style won't do much for me.


----------



## Caramelito

failoutboy said:


> that reminds me of something a stand-up comedian said:
> 
> If your partner says something like "hey babe, i just want to let you know, i would never hit you"...then yep, you're going to be getting a beatdown.


this is very verryyyy true


----------



## AllToAll

Gwynevere said:


> Yeah I need to make a change to that look. It's hard though because more feminine clothing scares me, and brighter colors too.


Do you like the way you dress? If so, don't change it because you won't feel comfortable.

You'll always be judge as something depending on the way you dress. That doesn't mean you should see yourself as such or alter your appearance to change that perception. I hate to sound like a fortune cookie, but wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

failoutboy said:


> I think you all (females) should try negging. Even if it doesn't help get a boy, it is good for making someone feel better about themself.


:lol You cheeky so and so


----------



## mezzoforte

AllToAll said:


> Do you like the way you dress? If so, don't change it because you won't feel comfortable.
> 
> You'll always be judge as something depending on the way you dress. That doesn't mean you should see yourself as such or alter your appearance to change that perception. I hate to sound like a fortune cookie, but wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.


I second this.


----------



## lisbeth

Milco said:


> *It's very easy for me to say of course, but I've never really understood why it is so hard to tell. Maybe it's because I'm a guy myself so I've seen how many of the guys would talk when there weren't girls around, but for the most part it seems fairly simple tell if a guy is sincere or just wants quick 'fun' and then move on.*
> I'm not the person being hit on by these guys either though of course, which might make it harder. While the signals I've gotten from different girls probably haven't been overly complicated either, I think we do sometimes miss some cues that we shouldn't do something if it's something we'd really wish was right (and vice versa of course).
> 
> But if this is something that has happened a lot, I think you should try finding different guys. From a different group of friends, a different type, who is maybe sending different signals.
> I'm certain you could find someone that really wanted to be with you, but you won't find him if you go for the wrong ones. Again, I don't know who you're going for or what your type is, but if you keep running into the wrong ones, there might be something you can do to find different ones


Because you're a guy yourself, you haven't had one sweet-talk you :b What guys say to other guys about girls is very, very different from what they say _to_ those girls. The person she knows is very different from the person his friends know.

As Barette said, a lot of these guys will lie to you outright. Telling you you're special, they love talking to you, you're so lovely/funny/pretty/etc, so on. Also making plans that will never actually follow through, though of course you don't know that when they make them. Or that they're only seeing you when they're actually still looking, or they'll tell you they really like you or that they really miss you when they don't, and so on. They start off really bombarding you with attention, which is pretty overwhelming when you're otherwise isolated. When you haven't really had much attention from the opposite sex before, when someone starts treating you like that you really take it to heart. You can't decipher the mixed signals.

I think it's probably simpler (or maybe even simple) to tell sincere from insincere when you've got more experience under your belt, but when you're 19 or 20 and totally green, you can't tell at all. SA people are at a disadvantage.

And as you say, we see what we want to see. Now I've had that kind of behaviour from maybe three guys I'm beginning - _beginning_ - to see where it's bull****. Like, maybe it's where there are inconsistencies between the words and the behaviour. But even that's hard to tell, because when you're inexperienced you don't know what behaviour to expect, and when you're lonely or think badly of yourself you'll think anything's acceptable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯



Jesuszilla said:


> Don't get me wrong this is sound advice but not dating the wrong ones isn't as easy as you think. Plenty of people "play nice" so to speak in the beginning and often gives off signs that (s)he may be interested in us. And then it blows up in our face or something happens and we wonder why things didn't work out when (s)he seemed like such a great person.
> 
> The rest of your comment was spot on, I just wanted to she light on why lisbeth may be having that problem, because I've been there with women before.


Agreed. SAS likes to talk about 'nice guys' and 'jerks' (and I guess 'nice girls' and '*****es') but it doesn't make allowance for the fact that the latter of each gender are usually Arseholes In Sheep's Clothing. They seem wonderful before they reveal themselves to be kinda awful. Like, people can be so sweet and nice, and then you have the added problem of infatuation clouding your vision.



crimeclub said:


> I'd bet maturity takes precedence over age to an extent. And I'd also bet a lot that a mature 25 year old guy presents a hell of a lot less risk than a mature 21 year old guy. Generally the older a guy gets the more open he is to committed relationships; their friends are getting married, they've got a lot of the crazy out of them, they're probably getting tired of being single, and most importantly they have a much better idea of what they want and who they are. That all reduces a ton of potential for foul-play and mistake making in the dating world.


I'd avoid the mature 25 year old guy for exactly that reason: _I'm_ not open to a committed relationship. I'm not ready for that yet. I still need to mature and gain experience and learn independence and get the crazy out of me. All I want is somebody who's only seeing me, wants to do stuff and go places, is affectionate with me, and isn't going to disappear out of the blue without saying anything. That's it. That's all I'm looking for relationship-wise. Like, exclusivity and consistency, but definitely nothing serious. It doesn't seem like much to ask, but so far it's far more than I've been able to get. I really want somebody of a similar age.



crimeclub said:


> Do you feel like you come off as weak in social situations (regardless of whether you actually are weak)?* Are you unconfident, shy, quiet, etc? ****holes' M-O is finding weakness and preying on it, it's just easier and there's the assumption that they'll be more naive.So take the appearance of weakness, then give it to a girl with above average looks, and then I'd be surprised if she _didn't_ practically have ***holes jumping out of bushes at her left and right. But that would attract all kinds of guys including good ones, it just means you're guaranteed the s*** guys too. :stu
> 
> Anyway, hope I was helpful in some way, good luck with everything!


Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do. I also constantly get told I look 'innocent'.



Barette said:


> It's very hard because they're purposefully putting on an act. Telling lies. Things like that. It's easy to feel pretty and wanted when someone tells you you're pretty and wanted. As for what they want you for? Who knows. I can't tell the difference, myself.


Yes!!!! How the **** are you meant to tell the difference between a genuine compliment and flattery? How are you meant to tell whether someone means what they're saying or is just saying it to make you let your guard down?



Gwynevere said:


> I have a sorta punk/homeless way of dressing, I have asymmetric hair dyed black, I wear hoodies or baggy clothes a lot, always dullish/dark colors, those sport arm/wrist sleeves


I dress pretty much the opposite way to you and seem to get similar treatment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I don't know to what extent style is actually an issue. I will say, though, that dressing that way will probably make you look depressed. That kind of look, the covering-up and muted colours, says "don't notice me, I really want to disappear". I understand that's a lot of its appeal, but all the same ultimately it's not a good vibe to be projecting. You can still keep the punkiness while looking a bit more put-together.



failoutboy said:


> I think you all (females) should try negging. Even if it doesn't help get a boy, it is good for making someone feel better about themself.


Negging has actually worked for me sometimes. I don't intentionally neg, I'm just naturally spiky. Am I kidding or just mean? Even I don't know.


----------



## tbyrfan

failoutboy said:


> I think you all (females) should try negging. Even if it doesn't help get a boy, it is good for making someone feel better about themself.


Spot on!!! Remember, if you are interested in someone, make sure to repeatedly insult them in an attempt to damage their self-esteem. Before you know it, you will be drowning in potential suitors. :yes



lisbeth said:


> Negging has actually worked for me sometimes. I don't intentionally neg, I'm just naturally spiky. Am I kidding or just mean? Even I don't know.


pls tell me this is a joke...pls


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> pls tell me this is a joke...pls


¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Everyone I grew up with jokingly insults their friends. You take the piss and have a bit of back-and-forth. It's how we communicate in this country.


----------



## lisbeth

Clarity's polar bear said:


> If I do the banter with you that means we are m8s. I thought that was just oz really. I better reevaluate my friend-zone now.


I just thought about it and realised I don't really do it much to other girls.


----------



## Gwynevere

lisbeth said:


> I dress pretty much the opposite way to you and seem to get similar treatment ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I don't know to what extent style is actually an issue. I will say, though, that dressing that way will probably make you look depressed. That kind of look, the covering-up and muted colours, says "don't notice me, I really want to disappear". I understand that's a lot of its appeal, but all the same ultimately it's not a good vibe to be projecting. You can still keep the punkiness while looking a bit more put-together.


I might start dressing nicer, just because my mom's really on my case lately about looking presentable. It's just really hard because so many clothes make me feel extremely uncomfortable and I hate people looking at me.



> Negging has actually worked for me sometimes. I don't intentionally neg, I'm just naturally spiky. Am I kidding or just mean? Even I don't know.





tbyrfan said:


> pls tell me this is a joke...pls





lisbeth said:


> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Everyone I grew up with jokingly insults their friends. You take the piss and have a bit of back-and-forth. It's how we communicate in this country.


When I'm mean to guys, they seem to like me more. Idk what the cause-effect is though, am I mean because I think they like me, or do they like me because I'm mean.


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> I might start dressing nicer, just because my mom's really on my case lately about looking presentable. It's just really hard because so many clothes make me feel extremely uncomfortable and I hate people looking at me.


Maybe just edge yourself towards it gradually. For instance, swapping the hoodies for cardigans will look a bit smarter but still be as covered-up.



Gwynevere said:


> When I'm mean to guys, they seem to like me more. Idk what the cause-effect is though, am I mean because I think they like me, or do they like me because I'm mean.


I think as long as you're witty about it and don't get personal, a dig or two is all in good fun. And I think having a sense of humour (even if it's a slightly mean one) is going to make somebody like you more. IDK though, I only really tend to like guys who have a similar sense of humour to me.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Everyone I grew up with jokingly insults their friends. You take the piss and have a bit of back-and-forth. It's how we communicate in this country.


Jokingly teasing is completely different from negging. Negging means deliberately insulting someone in order to lower their self-esteem and make them feel bad (i.e. bullying).


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> Jokingly teasing is completely different from negging. Negging means deliberately insulting someone in order to lower their self-esteem and make them feel bad (i.e. bullying).


My original post:

"*I don't intentionally neg*, I'm just naturally spiky."


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> My original post:
> 
> "*I don't intentionally neg*, I'm just naturally spiky."


That doesn't make sense. You mean you're rude and abrasive?


----------



## Gwynevere

tbyrfan said:


> That doesn't make sense. You mean you're rude and abrasive?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor_styles#Aggressive_humor


> Aggressive humor is a style of humor that is potentially detrimental towards others. This type of humor is characterized by the use of sarcasm, put-downs, teasing, criticism, ridicule, and other types of humor used at the expense of others


The wiki article is pretty negative about it though. I don't like that type of humor but I don't think it's bad like they imply.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> That doesn't make sense. You mean you're rude and abrasive?


You've read my posts!


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> You've read my posts!


No need to be condescending, I was just asking a question.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> No need to be nasty, I was just asking a question.


I mean, the answer basically is "Make your own judgement".


----------



## Earendil

Gwynevere said:


> I have a sorta punk/homeless way of dressing, I have asymmetric hair dyed black, I wear hoodies or baggy clothes a lot, always dullish/dark colors, those sport arm/wrist sleeves


Don't change your style for others if you like your current style. I personally like what you said, and I would approach someone dressed like that rather some girl dressed up in "designer brands" or whatever you'd call it.


----------



## Earendil

failoutboy said:


> I think you should go for a make-over like this:


I actually hated this part of the movie. Interesting girl changes to cliché pretty girl, and then "cool" football player guy asks her out.


----------



## Barette

Earendil said:


> I actually hated this part of the movie. Interesting girl changes to cliché pretty girl, and then "cool" football player guy asks her out.


Agreed.

Plus, like lisbeth, I dress girly and only get the same kind of lascivious attention (which would be okay if the guys were attractive, but a girl can't even get that).

I'm legit at a loss of ways to meet men if I'm not attractive enough to approach them/be approached, don't have good looking single (even single I'm willing to flex) men my friends could set me up with, and I'm not in school enough and have none at my job, and I can't drink so I can't go to a bar (****ing 21 age limit). I don't want to resort to online since I don't really want to date, I just want... idk what I want. Something organic. Online is artificially meeting, nty, it takes away any of the anticipatory fun and would just feel desperate. I just want to be made to feel pretty and special. I don't even know if men are capable of that to me (they are to other girls, I see it plenty, for some reason I can't understand how those girls accomplish that).


----------



## Earendil

Barette said:


> Agreed.
> 
> Plus, like lisbeth, I dress girly and only get the same kind of lascivious attention (which would be okay if the guys were attractive, but a girl can't even get that).
> 
> I'm legit at a loss of ways to meet men if I'm not attractive enough to approach them/be approached, don't have good looking single (even single I'm willing to flex) men my friends could set me up with, and I'm not in school enough and have none at my job, and I can't drink so I can't go to a bar (****ing 21 age limit). I don't want to resort to online since I don't really want to date, I just want... idk what I want. Something organic. Online is artificially meeting, nty, it takes away any of the anticipatory fun and would just feel desperate. I just want to be made to feel pretty and special. I don't even know if men are capable of that to me (they are to other girls, I see it plenty, for some reason I can't understand how those girls accomplish that).


I know how you feel. It's tough meeting new people. But I have found it happens when you least expect it. I recently randomly met someone, and I couldn't believe how much we had in common, it was amazing, and to just randomly meet like that. Unfortunately they lost interest for some reason, but anyway back on topic, do things you wouldn't normally do, go to places you wouldn't normally go to.... easier said than done I know.

And if you see someone you think you might like but you don't want to make the first move, make eye contact, smile. Makes it a lot easier for a guy to approach you, which can be fairly daunting.

Bars are overrated.


----------



## Barette

Probably, but it has a lot of people in a social mood. Though we went to a bar last night but the most that happened was a drunk guy purposefully brushed his arm across her tits as we ate our dinner (like, he swerved towards our table with his elbow at a 90 degree angle).


----------



## Earendil

Sounds like a nice fellow.


----------



## Barette

I really didn't think women with big breasts got treated that differently, but just being out with her I learned that they truly do. Someone yelled "Hey tits!" from their car (2 guys yelled, but only those guys mentioned tits), every man we walked by stared at her chest, or said "hey baby" to her, then this guy brushed his elbow... We only walked for 5 minutes and each minute a new man was staring or trying to chat her up. At the bar, it's more of a restaurant really with a bar section (which we sat in, right next to the bar), and even then then a guy felt up her tits. I was really shocked and feel so bad for her that that's all she deals with.


----------



## komorikun

It's no fun talking about how you are looking to meet guys/guy problems on this forum.


----------



## lisbeth

komorikun said:


> It's no fun talking about how you are looking to meet guys/guy problems on this forum.


It really isn't. For the most part your frustrations just get dismissed. Sometimes you do get constructive advice, which is great, but more often it's either "if you can do this you must not have SA!" or "it's your fault for chasing jerks", and all about how finding/recognising a genuinely nice guy is so easy and straightforward. You almost want to create a bingo sheet for it, with extra bonus points for when the person telling you all this hasn't ever really been around the block with men themselves.


----------



## Barette

^Srs. Plus when it comes to meeting men, most people here don't know how to meet anybody, so that's no help.


----------



## Gwynevere

I really wish I could meet someone to date in class.


----------



## arnie

lisbeth said:


> It really isn't. For the most part your frustrations just get dismissed. Sometimes you do get constructive advice, which is great, but more often it's either "if you can do this you must not have SA!" or "it's your fault for chasing jerks", and all about how finding/recognising a genuinely nice guy is so easy and straightforward. You almost want to create a bingo sheet for it, with extra bonus points for when the person telling you all this hasn't ever really been around the block with men themselves.


Have you tried dating nice guys?

8)


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> You almost want to create a bingo sheet for it, with extra bonus points for when the person telling you all this hasn't ever really been around the block with men themselves.


You know "around the block" is a euphemism for promiscuity, right? So you're saying that someone has to be promiscuous to know anything about the opposite sex? You can't be serious...


----------



## Barette

^She said it, so I'm pretty sure she was serious, yes. And being around the block provides better experience then never even crossing the street.


----------



## tbyrfan

Barette said:


> ^She said it, so I'm pretty sure she was serious, yes. And being around the block provides better experience then never even crossing the street, which is the case of most people on here.


That doesn't even make sense. One could date or socialize with a lot of people without having sex at all and could still know tons about the opposite sex. I thought it was about social experience. Sounds a little like virgin shaming tbh...


----------



## Barette

tbyrfan said:


> That doesn't even make sense. One could date or socialize with a lot of people without having sex at all and could still know tons about the opposite sex. I thought it was about social experience. Sounds a little like virgin shaming tbh...


It's not.


----------



## tbyrfan

Sounded like it to me. :stu


----------



## Barette

It's not.


----------



## tbyrfan

I'll wait for her response then.


----------



## Barette

So... I was thinking about volunteering to meet boys but it'd involve so much work on my part. Like I'd have to pretend I cared about volunteering, rather than just that I'm lonely and desperate. It's hard figuring out ways to meet people without being lonely and desperate when you're lonely and desperate.


----------



## Earendil

Probably plenty of guys volunteering for the same reason. It is the cliché when someone asks how to meet a girl, "Join a club, do some volunteering, go to a farmers market?".. Never quite got that one.

So it could quite possibly work. Not a bad idea. If you can be bothered actually volunteering.


----------



## crimeclub

Gwynevere said:


> I might start dressing nicer, just because my mom's really on my case lately about looking presentable. It's just really hard because so many clothes make me feel extremely uncomfortable and I hate people looking at me.


In my experience a style change is uncomfortable and people you know will notice and maybe even comment, but you'll be surprised at how quickly the new style not only becomes comfortable but also becomes 'you' in your mind as well as in the minds of the people who know you.


----------



## Barette

The trouble is I'm such a selfish and unmotivated person D: But I'm going to look into it. I signed up for hospital work but never filled out the form because I don't want to spend my pretty free days in a hospital dealing with the public (and a sick public, at that). Maybe something outside. Maybe habitat for humanity, I could be outside and build stuff.


----------



## Earendil

Go for it. I reckon you regret the things you didn't do more than things you actually do. If that makes sense. Good luck!


----------



## Gwynevere

I wonder if the boy's thread has this much bickering.


----------



## buklti

Its actually quite civilized. This Jesus fella is giving every guy a nice warm fuzzy feeling about being with a girl.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> You know "around the block" is a euphemism for promiscuity, right? So you're saying that someone has to be promiscuous to know anything about the opposite sex? You can't be serious...


I'm half tongue-in-cheek. On this forum, having slept with more than one person is being promiscuous.

But the main point is...



tbyrfan said:


> That doesn't even make sense. *One could date or socialize with a lot of people without having sex at all and could still know tons about the opposite sex.* I thought it was about social experience. Sounds a little like virgin shaming tbh...


So many people on SAS haven't done that. I'm not painting myself as the paragon of experience here because I am totally clueless and new to everything - that's why I seek advice. But a lot of people who make the most sweeping statements and make everything look so much simpler than it is are people who've got straight into a serious relationship with someone who they met in an unconventional way. Which is not to say that there's anything wrong with that (man, if only I could have that luck) but it means those people really skipped the trial-and-error dating-around thing and frankly haven't really experienced what they're making judgements about. They don't acknowledge all the confusion and grey areas, and just get condescending as if it's so easy not to make any mistakes.



Barette said:


> ^She said it, so I'm pretty sure she was serious, yes. And being around the block provides better experience then never even crossing the street.


Yuuuuup.



Barette said:


> So... I was thinking about volunteering to meet boys but it'd involve so much work on my part. Like I'd have to pretend I cared about volunteering, rather than just that I'm lonely and desperate. It's hard figuring out ways to meet people without being lonely and desperate when you're lonely and desperate.


lol right?

Volunteering is super fun, though. You should do it. I met quite a lot of guys when I used to volunteer, but they all had girlfriends. Except the one single guy, who didn't stay single very long, because he quickly got together with one of the other girls there (who was like sixteen, and he was in his 20s. eeeehhh). I didn't even make any friends doing it, actually, but I met a ton of people who were good temporary acquaintances for me to practice small talk on. It was something to do, I learned some stuff, I had fun, and it helped a ****ton with my SA. You should do it for sure and not just to meet guys.


----------



## Barette

What did you volunteer for?


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> What did you volunteer for?


I used to do stuff at a local arts centre, stuff for a conservation project and for a charity shop. Arts centre had a couple of "cute-but-troubled" type (swoon) photographer guys in their late 20s, but who were in long term relationships with similar women. Charity shop was all unemployed male university graduates of 22-25 and do-gooder teenage girls. The youngest people I met through the conservation thing were in their late 20s, and it wasn't really a social context anyway. I was doing all of these things to boost my university application rather than because I wanted to meet people, really.

Next on my list is a mental health charity, a charity for illiterate kids and maybe a sort of community nature-reserve thing. I don't really have high hopes of meeting people under 25 through any of those (I'm sure I will _meet_ some, but actually befriendin' 'em is a different story entirely - I'm not good at taking things past the acquaintance stage). I just want something to do that actually makes me feel like I'm doing something useful for someone. I am basically a selfish leech on society.


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> I used to do stuff at a local arts centre, stuff for a conservation project and for a charity shop. Arts centre had a couple of "cute-but-troubled" type (swoon) photographer guys in their late 20s, but who were in long term relationships with similar women. Charity shop was all unemployed male university graduates of 22-25 and do-gooder teenage girls. The youngest people I met through the conservation thing were in their late 20s, and it wasn't really a social context anyway. I was doing all of these things to boost my university application rather than because I wanted to meet people, really.
> 
> Next on my list is a mental health charity, a charity for illiterate kids and maybe a sort of community nature-reserve thing. I don't really have high hopes of meeting people under 25 through any of those (I'm sure I will _meet_ some, but actually befriendin' 'em is a different story entirely - I'm not good at taking things past the acquaintance stage). I just want something to do that actually makes me feel like I'm doing something useful for someone. I am basically a selfish leech on society.


I've been wanting to do charity work for as long as I can remember, but the stuff I look at always requires an interview, which obviously rules me out due to my SA, it's a real shame since I've had so much free time on my hands. I currently care for my mum full time, so at least I feel like I have some purpose, I should really get on carers allowance since they stopped ages ago, due to me not going for an assessment for SA, did they really expect someone with SA to go for an assessment with strangers, you have to wonder what they are thinking.


----------



## lisbeth

Schmosby said:


> I've been wanting to do charity work for as long as I can remember, but the stuff I look at always requires an interview, which obviously rules me out due to my SA, it's a real shame since I've had so much free time on my hands. I currently care for my mum full time, so at least I feel like I have some purpose, I should really get on carers allowance since they stopped ages ago, due to me not going for an assessment for SA, did they really expect someone with SA to go for an assessment with strangers, you have to wonder what they are thinking.


Most volunteer places are so desperate for people that the interview is really just a quick chat to make sure you're not a psychopath, criminal or alcoholic. If your SA prevents you from going to the interview that's obviously another problem entirely, but I don't think your SA would prevent you from passing it. Most charities/volunteer organisations are very used to dealing with people with disabilities and mental health problems, because the people who want to work for them are the people who are out of work. If you're gainfully employed, you don't have time. So it's actually a pretty good way to meet other misfits.


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> Most volunteer places are so desperate for people that the interview is really just a quick chat to make sure you're not a psychopath, criminal or alcoholic. If your SA prevents you from going to the interview that's obviously another problem entirely, but I don't think your SA would prevent you from passing it. Most charities/volunteer organisations are very used to dealing with people with disabilities and mental health problems, because the people who want to work for them are the people who are out of work. If you're gainfully employed, you don't have time. So it's actually a pretty good way to meet other misfits.


OK I'll give it a whirl when mum is going through a better patch, where do you find positions? I've been using www.do-it.org.uk but there doesn't seem to be much that interests me, it might be because I live in the middle of London, I'd rather work with animals or outside looking after nature.


----------



## Barette

I was in the college town right next to me, filled with richies, and ugh they're all so good looking. I'm going to sign up for one when I get home, there'll be graduate school aged rich boys (which i care about since it just means they'll be well-dressed, I'm shallow when it comes to appearance and clothing). I'm exciiited if it means I'll meet people, even acquaintances.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Schmosby said:


> OK I'll give it a whirl when mum is going through a better patch, where do you find positions? I've been using www.do-it.org.uk but there doesn't seem to be much that interests me, it might be because I live in the middle of London, I'd rather work with animals or outside looking after nature.


Yeah I tried using that website too and it was difficult to find stuff too interesting since I don't drive. There were more options in London though... Sometimes stuff at libraries and the like required you to be local though which was a pain.


----------



## Glass Child

Imma lead a trail of tuna straight into my closet.
He won't see it coming.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> So many people on SAS haven't done that. I'm not painting myself as the paragon of experience here because I am totally clueless and new to everything - that's why I seek advice. But a lot of people who make the most sweeping statements and make everything look so much simpler than it is are people who've got straight into a serious relationship with someone who they met in an unconventional way. Which is not to say that there's anything wrong with that (man, if only I could have that luck) but it means those people really skipped the trial-and-error dating-around thing and frankly haven't really experienced what they're making judgements about. They don't acknowledge all the confusion and grey areas, and just get condescending as if it's so easy not to make any mistakes.


I'm not talking about dating here, but for me it's not too difficult to spot a jerk. They're the ones who treat unattractive women like lesser beings - and most are obvious about it. As someone who is conventionally attractive, this might not be something you have noticed, and I don't blame you for that. Plus, people can be very experienced in dating but may want to wait until marriage to have sex - it's ridiculous to say that people like that are useless/clueless just because they haven't thrust their genitals together with someone else's (that's why the post seemed a lot like virgin-shaming). Anyway, it sounds like you don't want any advice that disagrees with your worldview, so whatever.


----------



## Barette

Yes being pretty is easy yes men treat us better yes were silly beautiful creatures with silly thoughts yes you know all about how dating works yes our experience doesnt count at all yes casual sex is bad yes virgins are gods children yes they're persecuted yes were all wrong yes we know nothing yes you know everything yes were horrible people who disagree all the time because were thickheaded and not because oh idk, we just disagree yes yes yes have we covered it all? Good.

I almost got asked out today. Yeh I'm a cashier yeh it happens to all cashiers yeh it normally bothers me to get hit on just because I'm there, but I got sooooo nervous and flubbed it. I would've given out my number, too, but it sucks wanting to date then getting super nervous and red and sweaty over a customer. My friend's neighbor is single now so I'm gonna go over to her house sometime and she'll invite him over just to see how we get along. He's cute, and has his own apartment and a dog so eh, I'll see. I'm not excited about it but I'll give it a shot. I've only ever met him when he was high or drunk or when I was high or drunk but hey, whatevs.


----------



## Gwynevere

Barette said:


> Yes being pretty is easy yes men treat us better yes were silly beautiful creatures with silly thoughts yes you know all about how dating works yes our experience doesnt count at all yes casual sex is bad yes virgins are gods children yes they're persecuted yes were all wrong yes we know nothing yes you know everything yes were horrible people who disagree all the time because were thickheaded and not because oh idk, we just disagree yes yes yes have we covered it all? Good.
> 
> I almost got asked out today. Yeh I'm a cashier yeh it happens to all cashiers yeh it normally bothers me to get hit on just because I'm there, but I got sooooo nervous and flubbed it. I would've given out my number, too, which sucks. My friend's neighbor is single now so I'm gonna go over to her house and she'll invited him over just to see how we get along. He's cute, and has his own apartment and a dog so eh, I'll see. I'm not excited about it but I give it a shot. I've only ever met him when he was high or drunk or when I was high or drunk but hey, whatevs.


What's making you not excited about it? Is he boring when drunk?


----------



## mezzoforte

:lurk


----------



## Barette

Gwynevere said:


> What's making you not excited about it? Is he boring when drunk?


Well I knew him *as* a drunk, lol, so I had a poor image of him. Basically I only know of him from stories of how his ex and him always had the cops called on them because of their arguing (he was the one with the bruises to show for it, so I guess it was her being loud and avusive?). Just like, loud and drunk. So only knowing them as drunk and fighting... Ahhhh white trash... But whatever, I'm not being set up or anything. Just hanging out under the guise of me checking him out, plus he's stopped drinking since they broke up and doesn't do pot much. He *is* cute and I *am* desperate lol.



mezzoforte said:


> :lurk


Giiiiiiiiirl join in!


----------



## arnie

Barette said:


> Yes being pretty is easy yes men treat us better yes were silly beautiful creatures with silly thoughts yes you know all about how dating works yes our experience doesnt count at all yes casual sex is bad yes virgins are gods children yes they're persecuted yes were all wrong yes we know nothing yes you know everything yes were horrible people who disagree all the time because were thickheaded and not because oh idk, we just disagree yes yes yes have we covered it all? Good.


That's nice.



Barette said:


> I almost got asked out today. Yeh I'm a cashier yeh it happens to all cashiers yeh it normally bothers me to get hit on just because I'm there, but I got sooooo nervous and flubbed it. I would've given out my number, too, but it sucks wanting to date then getting super nervous and red and sweaty over a customer. My friend's neighbor is single now so I'm gonna go over to her house sometime and she'll invite him over just to see how we get along. He's cute, and has his own apartment and a dog so eh, I'll see. I'm not excited about it but I'll give it a shot. I've only ever met him when he was high or drunk or when I was high or drunk but hey, whatevs.


This is why SAS guys should avoid cashiers and any girl who works retail. They get hit on all day, everyday and will automatically discount you unless you can outcompete the last 100 guys that talked to her. Unlikely.


----------



## Barette

^False. I can count on one hand how many times that customers have attempted to pick me up, actually. Hundreds is a bit high of a figure, I'd go with... 4. Flirting is common (which I often flirt with customers), picking up is rare.


----------



## AllToAll

tbyrfan said:


> I'm not talking about dating here, but for me it's not too difficult to spot a jerk. They're the ones who treat unattractive women like lesser beings - and most are obvious about it. As someone who is conventionally attractive, this might not be something you have noticed, and I don't blame you for that. Plus, people can be very experienced in dating but may want to wait until marriage to have sex - it's ridiculous to say that people like that are useless/clueless just because they haven't thrust their genitals together with someone else's (that's why the post seemed a lot like virgin-shaming). Anyway, it sounds like you don't want any advice that disagrees with your worldview, so whatever.


You continuously talk about men treating "ugly" women like crap as if that's so common. As a ho hum girl, I can definitely say that I've been treated pleasantly by most men and so have my "ugly/ho hum" friends.

I've been called ugly to my face, but not since I was out of high school. So while I will definitely agree that pretty girls have a lot of privileges, us humble looking girls aren't stepped on like we're **** or gum on the floor.


----------



## tbyrfan

Barette said:


> Yes being pretty is easy yes men treat us better yes were silly beautiful creatures with silly thoughts yes you know all about how dating works yes our experience doesnt count at all yes casual sex is bad yes virgins are gods children yes they're persecuted yes were all wrong yes we know nothing yes you know everything yes were horrible people who disagree all the time because were thickheaded and not because oh idk, we just disagree yes yes yes have we covered it all? Good.


Not sure why you're so hostile towards me lately. I never made any of those statements, and I never implied that anyone was stupid. Didn't mean for it to sound that way.



AllToAll said:


> You continuously talk about men treating "ugly" women like crap as if that's so common. As a ho hum girl, I can definitely say that I've been treated pleasantly by most men and so have my "ugly/ho hum" friends.
> 
> I've been called ugly to my face, but not since I was out of high school. So while I will definitely agree that pretty girls have a lot of privileges, us humble looking girls aren't stepped on like we're **** or gum on the floor.


It happened constantly where I grew up, and it happened a lot when I got out of high school as well. I'm not making it up.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

AllToAll said:


> You continuously talk about men treating "ugly" women like crap as if that's so common. As a ho hum girl, I can definitely say that I've been treated pleasantly by most men and so have my "ugly/ho hum" friends.
> 
> I've been called ugly to my face, but not since I was out of high school. So while I will definitely agree that pretty girls have a lot of privileges, us humble looking girls aren't stepped on like we're **** or gum on the floor.


This is true, as an adult. I've been treated very reasonably by most people. The only difference is you don't get compliments or that much attention but that's a long way from being treated like crap.


----------



## mezzoforte

Persephone The Dread said:


> This is true, as an adult. I've been treated very reasonably by most people. The only difference is you don't get compliments or that much attention but that's a long way from being treated like crap.


Same. Guys would treat me pretty bad in high school. Like if I was paired up with one for a group assignment, they would look so annoyed and would usually just ignore me the whole time instead of working on the assignment. When I got to college, I was so shocked when guys started treating me like a human being, instead of making faces or groaning when they had to work with me.


----------



## Sacrieur

DID SOMEBODY SAY TUNA?


----------



## Barette

mezzoforte said:


> Same. Guys would treat me pretty bad in high school. Like if I was paired up with one for a group assignment, they would look so annoyed and would usually just ignore me the whole time instead of working on the assignment. When I got to college, I was so shocked when guys started treating me like a human being, instead of making faces or groaning when they have to work with me.





Persephone The Dread said:


> This is true, as an adult. I've been treated very reasonably by most people. The only difference is you don't get compliments or that much attention but that's a long way from being treated like crap.





AllToAll said:


> You continuously talk about men treating "ugly" women like crap as if that's so common. As a ho hum girl, I can definitely say that I've been treated pleasantly by most men and so have my "ugly/ho hum" friends.
> 
> I've been called ugly to my face, but not since I was out of high school. So while I will definitely agree that pretty girls have a lot of privileges, us humble looking girls aren't stepped on like we're **** or gum on the floor.


I was called ugly and fat since elementary school all the way to the end of high school, and was one of the girls that boys would ask out as a joke to laugh about with their friends or make other people laugh. That was high school, and now it's adulthood where jerks are not obvious and not blatant in their intentions. May not be the same jerks, maybe people grew up, maybe the guy is not even aware he's doing something jerky to a girl, but either way, there's different things to look out for (I could've made that sentence more confusing yes).


----------



## Mindful Eyes

komorikun said:


> It's no fun talking about how you are looking to meet guys/guy problems on this forum.





lisbeth said:


> It really isn't. For the most part your frustrations just get dismissed. Sometimes you do get constructive advice, which is great, but more often it's either "if you can do this you must not have SA!" or "it's your fault for chasing jerks", and all about how finding/recognising a genuinely nice guy is so easy and straightforward. You almost want to create a bingo sheet for it, with extra bonus points for when the person telling you all this hasn't ever really been around the block with men themselves.


I hear you. Perhaps there should be a sub-forum for women only. That way, the women can talk about their issues without having to contend with all of that.


----------



## tbyrfan

Mindful Eyes said:


> I hear you. Perhaps there should be a sub-forum for women only. That way, the women can talk about their issues without having to contend with all of that.


There is already.


----------



## Barette

If this is what happens to one thread (dumb pictures, poor attempts at clever posts, purposefully bad advice that also attempts to be clever, etc etc) then a subforum would just be more of it. Every thread that is devoted for women eventually devolves into arguments or just sarcastic posts that completely ignore the original intent of the thread.


----------



## Marko3

mezzoforte said:


> Same. Guys would treat me pretty bad in high school. Like if I was paired up with one for a group assignment, they would look so annoyed and would usually just ignore me the whole time instead of working on the assignment. When I got to college, I was so shocked when guys started treating me like a human being, instead of making faces or groaning when they had to work with me.


like why would guys in hischool treat girls bad? i just dont get it...


----------



## DarrellLicht

Barette said:


> If this is what happens to one thread (dumb pictures, poor attempts at clever posts, purposefully bad advice that also attempts to be clever, etc etc) then a subforum would just be more of it. Every thread that is devoted for women eventually devolves into arguments or just sarcastic posts that completely ignore the original intent of the thread.


 The ego is a funny thing.


----------



## mezzoforte

Marko3 said:


> like why would guys in hischool treat girls bad? i just dont get it...


A lot of guys in high school treat girls they're mot attracted to worse than girls they find attractive.


----------



## lisbeth

Marko3 said:


> like why would guys in hischool treat girls bad? i just dont get it...





mezzoforte said:


> A lot of guys in high school treat girls they're mot attracted to worse than girls they find attractive.


Yep. Sometimes to get attention/approval from girls they do find attractive. I was on the wrong side of that a lot as a teenager. Like for instance, when I was 18 this guy I had a huge crush on pretended to forget my name in order to get a laugh out of some pretty girls. He'd been in my class two years and I'd spoken to him about as much as my social anxiety would allow me to. That was really humiliating.


----------



## tbyrfan

mezzoforte said:


> A lot of guys in high school treat girls they're mot attracted to worse than girls they find attractive.


So true. I experienced this up until the end of sophomore year in college. I don't know why people refuse to believe this. Once guys hit their 20s, they don't really do that anymore. I haven't been picked on in 2 years, but it's kind of too late for my self-esteem.


----------



## Marko3

mezzoforte said:


> A lot of guys in high school treat girls they're mot attracted to worse than girls they find attractive.


well its true i was like ghost with severe SA.. but in my class i never seen guys treating girls different, bad or worse, due to their attractiveness levels ... maybe things like that happen now with younger generations or maybe it depends on country.. idk


----------



## crimeclub

This is totally the female slumber party thread of SAS.


----------



## probably offline

Can we get this thread back on track?


----------



## Marko3

lisbeth said:


> Yep. Sometimes to get attention/approval from girls they do find attractive. I was on the wrong side of that a lot as a teenager. Like for instance, when I was 18 this guy I had a huge crush on pretended to forget my name in order to get a laugh out of some pretty girls. He'd been in my class two years and I'd spoken to him about as much as my social anxiety would allow me to. That was really humiliating.


damn that guys no good.. nope!


----------



## Marko3

crimeclub said:


> This is totally the female slumber party thread of SAS.


hehe.. nice nice


----------



## Marko3

lol... I know u might call me crazy, but since i'm just listening to this song.. u girls just need to be happy, relaxed and cute and ull get u your boy...:yes


----------



## Gwynevere

Would anyone go out with someone who used to be a total ****head in highschool but seems reformed now?


----------



## Barette

How do you girls suppress nervousness and anxiety when talking to guys? I get so red in the face without even realizing it, and sweaty! Its SK embarrassing and nerdy.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> Plus, people can be very experienced in dating but may want to wait until marriage to have sex - it's ridiculous to say that people like that are useless/clueless just because they haven't thrust their genitals together with someone else's (that's why the post seemed a lot like virgin-shaming). Anyway, it sounds like you don't want any advice that disagrees with your worldview, so whatever.


Look, tbyr, you can read into my post what you like (to paraphrase Angela Carter, ~reading a post is like rewriting it for yourself~), but that's not what I was saying or what I was intending to say. My last post was pretty middle-of-the-road and gentle so I have no idea where you're even getting all this stuff.

In my last post, I quoted from your post *"One could date or socialize with a lot of people without having sex at all and could still know tons about the opposite sex" *_agreeing with that_. Sex isn't an important factor here - it's dating around. Admittedly in this day and age the two tend to go together, but in itself it isn't important, and this hypothetical socially experienced virgin would have a ton of useful advice. But I doubt you're going to find that person on this forum. Anyway, the only person here who's bringing in all these ideas of promiscuity v.s. virginity or whatever is you.

My point is that somebody who's never done the everyday trial-and-error dating-different-people thing doesn't really know what it's like. Somebody who lucked out and ended up in a relationship with the first person they involved themselves with won the lottery, is living the dream, grats 2 u. But it's like somebody who gets a direct chauffeur-driven car to work giving commuter tips to the people whose trains were delayed and got stuck on the rail replacement bus service. Of course it looks simple where they're sitting. They had a smooth trip from A to B. Their experience was unconventional so they haven't had to go through all the trials and tribulations and wrong-turns and whatever that the rest of us all have to.

What's my worldview?



tbyrfan said:


> I'm not talking about dating here, but for me it's not too difficult to spot a jerk. They're the ones who treat unattractive women like lesser beings - and most are obvious about it. As someone who is conventionally attractive, this might not be something you have noticed, and I don't blame you for that.


Is that your one classification for whether someone's a jerk or not? Bit simplistic.

As I've said to you before in other threads, I was ugly as a teenager, I've been there, I've lived it. So I've been on the wrong side of that far too many times and known that was the reason for it. Nowadays when I see it - which is very rarely, because frankly I'm not social enough to witness it much - it instantly lowers my opinion of that guy through the floor. Men like that are revolting. No two ways about it.

But as a method of jerk-spotting it just doesn't hold up. Any guy who does that is a jerk, but not all jerks will do that. More importantly, you're not even necessarily going to witness whether they do that or not. For one thing, when you're seeing someone in a date-y context, chances are it's going to be just the two of you most of the time. You're not likely to see much of how they interact with other people, particularly your gender (the one thing any girl wants on a date is her boy talking to a ton of other girls!). Besides, even if you did spend time with them in that context, when you want somebody to like you you're trying to be on your best behaviour. I hold back my neuroses, he holds back his *******ry. People try to appear nice even if they aren't.

Also, it's completely possible for a guy to treat unattractive women as real and complete people and yet to be kind of a dick anyway. The guy of my recent thread that you left a snide remark in - one of his close friends was an unattractive woman. Unfortunately one of his apparently closer friends was an attractive woman whose "I love yous" to him are now all over my Facebook newsfeed. But that's life.



Barette said:


> I was called ugly and fat since elementary school all the way to the end of high school, and was one of the girls that boys would ask out as a joke to laugh about with their friends or make other people laugh. That was high school, and *now it's adulthood where jerks are not obvious and not blatant in their intentions.*


Same. I was that girl back then too. Still feel like that girl on the inside. Still kinda feel that way with my pathetically unromantic romantic experiences, too.

Your bolded part - I'm gonna get all nerdy up in this joint and quote Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2, Episode 7. Just watch me.

[last lines] 
Buffy: Does it ever get easy? 
Giles: You mean life? 
Buffy: Yeah, does it get easy? 
Giles: What do you want me to say? 
Buffy: Lie to me. 
Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and... everybody lives happily ever after. 
Buffy: Liar.


----------



## Gwynevere

Barette said:


> How do you girls suppress nervousness and anxiety when talking to guys? I get so red in the face without even realizing it, and sweaty! Its SK embarrassing and nerdy.


I need advice on this as well, if a guy's attractive or displays interest in me it's impossible to be normal around him - eye contact is gone, my ears burn, I sweat. Alcohol helps, or having know him for a long time helps.


----------



## probably offline

Marko3 said:


> lol... I know u might call me crazy, but since i'm just listening to this song.. u girls just need to be happy, relaxed and cute and ull get u your boy...:yes


uke


----------



## lisbeth

probably offline said:


>


This kid is like four and already prettier than me. Waaaaaah.



Marko3 said:


> lol... I know u might call me crazy, but since i'm just listening to this song.. u girls just need to be happy, relaxed and cute and ull get u your boy...:yes


Happy and relaxed? The two exact opposites of every person on this website?



Gwynevere said:


> Would anyone go out with someone who used to be a total ****head in highschool but seems reformed now?


Is he cute?



Barette said:


> How do you girls suppress nervousness and anxiety when talking to guys? I get so red in the face without even realizing it, and sweaty! Its SK embarrassing and nerdy.


Oh, god, I don't know. Sometimes it hits me and sometimes it doesn't. But then even when I think it doesn't and I think I'm behaving like a paragon of cool, I get asked "aw, why do you look so nervous?". The one thing that does sometimes work for me is to go into a situation deciding to be totally self-centred as a defense mechanism and think, "who cares if he likes me? I'm totally disinterested, he should be worried if I like HIM" when in reality I do really like him and I know it and I'm super concerned about impressing him. But sometimes I can lie to myself for at least, like, half an hour at a time. It's the best method I've found so far. Well, the other one is alcohol.


----------



## lisbeth

probably offline said:


> uke


Oh lord, I just watched the video too now. What in the low-budget hell...?


----------



## Gwynevere

lisbeth said:


> This kid is like four and already prettier than me. Waaaaaah.


Look at that wink, way more game than me.



> Is he cute?


Yeah, this is fairly hypothetical though since idk if he has any interest whatsoever, just wants to reconnect while I'm back in town for summer ("reconnect" is a pretty scary word when all my memories of him are basically being a bully to me and my friends)



> Oh, god, I don't know. Sometimes it hits me and sometimes it doesn't. But then even when I think it doesn't and I think I'm behaving like a paragon of cool, I get asked "aw, why do you look so nervous?". The one thing that does sometimes work for me is to go into a situation deciding to be totally self-centred as a defense mechanism and think, "who cares if he likes me? I'm totally disinterested, he should be worried if I like HIM" when in reality I do really like him and I know it and I'm super concerned about impressing him. But sometimes I can lie to myself for at least, like, half an hour at a time. It's the best method I've found so far. Well, the other one is alcohol.


That is interesting advice. I use a 'dont give a **** about you' attitude as a way to prevent anxiety during other social situations, I haven't been able to pull it off with a guy I was actually interested in though because I do care and I don't want him to think I'm disinterested.


----------



## Marko3

probably offline said:


> uke


 hey no problem.. thats your opinion... we have different opinions... i still respect u and like u for what u r...


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> Yeah, this is fairly hypothetical though since idk if he has any interest whatsoever, just wants to reconnect while I'm back in town for summer ("reconnect" is a pretty scary word when all my memories of him are basically being a bully to me and my friends)


You haven't spoken to him in a while, you weren't friends at school and he says "let's reconnect"? He wants to ****.



Gwynevere said:


> That is interesting advice. I use a 'dont give a **** about you' attitude as a way to prevent anxiety during other social situations, I haven't been able to pull it off with a guy I was actually interested in though because I do care and I don't want him to think I'm disinterested.


Yeah it's very hit-or-miss for me.


----------



## arnie

Barette said:


> If this is what happens to one thread (dumb pictures, poor attempts at clever posts, purposefully bad advice that also attempts to be clever, etc etc) then a subforum would just be more of it. Every thread that is devoted for women eventually devolves into arguments or just sarcastic posts that completely ignore the original intent of the thread.


Not just women's threads. I tried to start a thread about male rape victims and it gets locked within 2 pages. I can't even start a thread about men lacking friends (ON A SOCIAL ANXIETY WEBSITE) without getting conflicts. :no


----------



## Barette

I get too nervous to even put on an act! The guy yesterday was cute but not particularly so, and was a total stranger, and yet I got tongue tied and red in the face! Uugghhh. The only time it's easy to talk is when inebriated.

Edit: You k ow what helps though is to be with a friend. When a lone you seem solitary and pensive or been cold, but when out and laughing with friends I guess I seem approachable since that's when I get shown interest. (On phone excuse mistakes)


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Gwynevere said:


> Would anyone go out with someone who used to be a total ****head in highschool but seems reformed now?


No, I don't think I could to be honest. I'd like to think I'd be able to rise above it but eh, if those memories are there... Maybe if I got to know them better but if it was just out of the blue 'want to go on a date' no.



Barette said:


> How do you girls suppress nervousness and anxiety when talking to guys? I get so red in the face without even realizing it, and sweaty! Its SK embarrassing and nerdy.


I actually feel more comfortable talking to guys in general - until they're too attractive (in my opinion.) If like, I meet them, get to know them, then develop an attraction to them, it's fine. That's happened to me before. But if it's someone I've seen around and they're just a sort of acquaintance and I build them up in my head it's like LOL NOPE. So the only way I've found is to not find them significantly attractive straight away :/


----------



## TicklemeRingo

I plan to make a thread eventually sharing all I have learned about *Conversation* in the last few years - tips, concepts, how to overcome the 'blank mind' thing, or internal chatter/nervousness, knowing what to say etc....

Hopefully it may be of use to people here.

And yeah Gwyn, that guy is probably after a root.


----------



## Marko3

lisbeth said:


> Oh lord, I just watched the video too now. What in the low-budget hell...?


just telling u girls.. why do u judge other ppl so harsh?... them girls, they haven' t done anything bad to u... dat no cool...
u know..they just radiate happiness and cuteness.. and i like that with girls... 
and im not talking about sexiness or whatever...and probably u think all men r sex maniacs only... well try think different...

anyways.. if u ever get happy and satisfied with the way you are.. then only will u get attractive enough for the good men and boys u so desperately want to have one day...

ahh... dont want to argue with u girls... sorry to intrude your thread... im outta here.. have fun!


----------



## Barette

TicklemeRingo said:


> I plan to make a thread eventually sharing all I have learned about *Conversation* in the last few years - tips, concepts, how to overcome the 'blank mind' thing, or internal chatter/nervousness, knowing what to say etc....
> 
> Hopefully it may be of use to people here.
> 
> And yeah Gwyn, that guy is probably after a root.


Pls do!


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> Look, tbyr, you can read into my post what you like (to paraphrase Angela Carter, ~reading a post is like rewriting it for yourself~), but that's not what I was saying or what I was intending to say. My last post was pretty middle-of-the-road and gentle so I have no idea where you're even getting all this stuff.
> 
> In my last post, I quoted from your post *"One could date or socialize with a lot of people without having sex at all and could still know tons about the opposite sex" *_agreeing with that_. Sex isn't an important factor here - it's dating around. Admittedly in this day and age the two tend to go together, but in itself it isn't important, and this hypothetical socially experienced virgin would have a ton of useful advice. But I doubt you're going to find that person on this forum. Anyway, the only person here who's bringing in all these ideas of promiscuity v.s. virginity or whatever is you.
> 
> My point is that somebody who's never done the everyday trial-and-error dating-different-people thing doesn't really know what it's like. Somebody who lucked out and ended up in a relationship with the first person they involved themselves with won the lottery, is living the dream, grats 2 u. But it's like somebody who gets a direct chauffeur-driven car to work giving commuter tips to the people whose trains were delayed and got stuck on the rail replacement bus service. Of course it looks simple where they're sitting. They had a smooth trip from A to B. Their experience was unconventional so they haven't had to go through all the trials and tribulations and wrong-turns and whatever that the rest of us all have to.
> 
> What's my worldview?


Okay, that makes sense. I brought the virgin-shaming thing up because it sounded like what you meant based on your previous posts. Perhaps you should have made a note in the OP if you were planning on trashing me for contributing to the thread - then I wouldn't have posted. Then we could have avoided the usual people ganging up on me and the thread wouldn't have gone off topic at all.



lisbeth said:


> Is that your one classification for whether someone's a jerk or not? Bit simplistic.
> 
> As I've said to you before in other threads, I was ugly as a teenager, I've been there, I've lived it. So I've been on the wrong side of that far too many times and known that was the reason for it. Nowadays when I see it - which is very rarely, because frankly I'm not social enough to witness it much - it instantly lowers my opinion of that guy through the floor. Men like that are revolting. No two ways about it.
> 
> But as a method of jerk-spotting it just doesn't hold up. Any guy who does that is a jerk, but not all jerks will do that. More importantly, you're not even necessarily going to witness whether they do that or not. For one thing, when you're seeing someone in a date-y context, chances are it's going to be just the two of you most of the time. You're not likely to see much of how they interact with other people, particularly your gender (the one thing any girl wants on a date is her boy talking to a ton of other girls!). Besides, even if you did spend time with them in that context, when you want somebody to like you you're trying to be on your best behaviour. I hold back my neuroses, he holds back his *******ry. People try to appear nice even if they aren't.


I'm not saying it's the only method - obviously it's more complicated than that, so (as i've said before) there's no need to be condescending towards me. All I was saying was that it has been an extremely effective method for me. A good indicator of how a person is in general is how they speak about other people. (You don't have to see them interacting with others to notice.) Women, minorities, transgender people, unattractive people...anyone. Two of my male friends in high school would make crude remarks about unattractive girls and I just passed over them, thinking "boys will be boys". It wasn't until they started comparing me to other girls and telling me that I needed plastic surgery that I realized that those were the early red flags of nasty people.



lisbeth said:


> Also, it's completely possible for a guy to treat unattractive women as real and complete people and yet to be kind of a dick anyway. The guy of my recent thread that you left a snide remark in - one of his close friends was an unattractive woman. Unfortunately one of his apparently closer friends was an attractive woman whose "I love yous" to him are now all over my Facebook newsfeed. But that's life.


Don't know what thread you're talking about or what remark. I never said that was impossible, but it's probably pretty rare. Mean people tend to be pretty lookist.


----------



## Gwynevere

Guess I'll see him just with the intention of being friends, I need friends for the summer.


----------



## lisbeth

Gwynevere said:


> Guess I'll see him just with the intention of being friends, I need friends for the summer.


I really do, too. Friends are what I need right now. I only have a very small handful of friends locally and it's not enough. I really wanna meet new people but I'm not doing a good job of it so far.

The guy I was supposed to have a date with this week flaked on me so that never happened. Well, good riddance, whatever. IDK if I'll respond if he gets back in touch but I'm certainly not going to contact him. I don't need somebody who's going to do that. Kinda reinforces that impression I had that he was only looking for sex, the fact that he flakes as soon as it's clear that's not on the cards. Wow, he really saved me some time. It's a shame because it seemed like we shared a lot of interests and had a lot of experiences in common, but if the priorities and intentions don't match up then that counts for nothing.

Real talk, what I really want is to meet a guy who has some issues with anxiety or depression or whatever other mental health issue himself. It sounds crazy, but there we go, I want to have a bit of craziness in common. I actually tend to meet people like that a lot, maybe because like attracts like or something. I've met two guys like that in the last month, both of whom have been into books and similar music and social issues, which is really cool. Introvert with bipolar disorder and a ginger beard, ugh where have you been all my life. I'm hoping to befriend him, the other one was the flaker. Both these guys are clearly the hookup-and-ditch type. We like the same stuff and want to do the same stuff and they talk to me enough to figure that out, but they still don't genuinely want to hang out. That's really what I want, to hang out. I want to actually spend time with somebody doing stuff. It shouldn't be so difficult to find as it is.


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> I really do, too. Friends are what I need right now. I only have a very small handful of friends locally and it's not enough. I really wanna meet new people but I'm not doing a good job of it so far.
> 
> The guy I was supposed to have a date with this week flaked on me so that never happened. Well, good riddance, whatever. IDK if I'll respond if he gets back in touch but I'm certainly not going to contact him. I don't need somebody who's going to do that. Kinda reinforces that impression I had that he was only looking for sex, the fact that he flakes as soon as it's clear that's not on the cards. Wow, he really saved me some time. It's a shame because it seemed like we shared a lot of interests and had a lot of experiences in common, but if the priorities and intentions don't match up then that counts for nothing.
> 
> Real talk, what I really want is to meet a guy who has some issues with anxiety or depression or whatever other mental health issue himself. It sounds crazy, but there we go, I want to have a bit of craziness in common. I actually tend to meet people like that a lot, maybe because like attracts like or something. I've met two guys like that in the last month, both of whom have been into books and similar music and social issues, which is really cool. Introvert with bipolar disorder and a ginger beard, ugh where have you been all my life. I'm hoping to befriend him, the other one was the flaker. Both these guys are clearly the hookup-and-ditch type. We like the same stuff and want to do the same stuff and they talk to me enough to figure that out, but they still don't genuinely want to hang out. That's really what I want, to hang out. I want to actually spend time with somebody doing stuff. It shouldn't be so difficult to find as it is.


That's actually what I want, but all the women on the dating sites are either gold diggers or alcoholics or both, where are all the real people at!!!


----------



## lisbeth

Schmosby said:


> That's actually what I want, but all the women on the dating sites are either gold diggers or alcoholics or both, where are all the real people at!!!


Probably the same reason why all the men on dating sites are either illiterate fathers of three or unemployed video game nerds living with their parents. People on dating sites are there because they can't get a date in real life.


----------



## saline

lisbeth said:


> People on dating sites are there because they can't get a date in real life.


I'm not sure.
I have a few friends who use them sites simply because they find it ridiculously easy to meet girls for sex, and they don't have to chat them up or spend money buying them drinks etc (one of these friends is about as good looking as it's possible to be!) (no ****)

They just message a girl saying ''wanna meet up tonight?'' and they get a lot of action due to being very good looking.

They could meet girls the usual way, and they could get dates easily, but the dating site appeals to them more


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> Probably the same reason why all the men on dating sites are either illiterate fathers of three or unemployed video game nerds living with their parents. People on dating sites are there because they can't get a date in real life.


It's weird, I don't see any of those as negative things lol, aren't you unemployed? dating sites never used to be this bad, Ive met some very nice women, some of who I ended up with and others I ended up friends with, although from what my friends tell me the men tend to all be sex pests.


----------



## lisbeth

Schmosby said:


> It's weird, I don't see any of those as negative things lol, aren't you unemployed? dating sites never used to be this bad, Ive met some very nice women, some of who I ended up with and others I ended up friends with, although from what my friends tell me the men tend to all be sex pests.


I am unemployed, yeah. I'm not throwing stones from my glass house. Like, I'm one of the bottom-feeders myself. I'm just sayin' that for the most part you're unlikely to find a conventional catch on there. I think they're better for older people than younger people. People are more likely to use them when they're working full-time and meeting fewer people than in their 20s. When I've glanced around them with blank profiles, I've never seen anyone who I'd actually message.


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> I am unemployed, yeah. I'm not throwing stones from my glass house. Like, I'm one of the bottom-feeders myself. I'm just sayin' that you're unlikely to find a conventional catch on there. I think they're better for older people than younger people. When I've glanced around them with blank profiles, I've never seen anyone who I'd actually message.


I think my issue is quite the opposite, I think the problem is that they are all pretty conventional catches, but I don't really value any of the traditional markers of success, for example my ex trianed as a lawyer, but then went into caring for children with autism and now works as a teacher and earns not much I expect, but that is what I see as success, most of the women on the site have pointless jobs, earning lots of money so they can buy lots of poinless stuff then show it off to all their fake friends and they seem to want a similar man so they can have double the money and double the pointless stuff and an object man that they can show off to their friends as they do with a new handbag or pair of shoes, it's all fake and makes me qeezee. I'm just after a real average run of the mill decent human being, where we have a relationship based on love instead of money and using each other.


----------



## Barette

I may get set up soon D: The man is very handsome, so obviously I feel like ugly s*** at the idea of an attractive man considering me as an interest D: It's nothing set in stone, not even marked in sand, but still the idea of an attractive guy, any attractive guy, and me dating him... omg excuse me while I **** myself.

How do my fellow insecure girls deal with this? I hate how red my face gets when I'm nervous, it's so ****ing sad. How do you deal with insecurities enough to get over them? I simply can't. I need to lose weight, god I need to lose weight... And today is when I found out and it was after I was out with a friend to eat a treat and ****load of Mexican food! Now I need to restrict tomorrow and really lose weight if I want to have someone not be disgusted by me. I need to lose 5-10 lbs and really tone up. Not even for this, but for anything! Anyone! I can't look like this it's nasty.

But also how do you deal with the knowledge that you're a bad kisser and all that jazz? and an awkward nerd? and inexperienced in dating... HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS?!

Edit: Another important fact, this guy (that I prob will never even see, but still it's nerve-wracking enough) is 32. So while he's attractive and older, someone older and experienced won't want to deal with crazy little nerdy inexperienced me. I'm 20! With one partner under my belt that I was never even "with". UJHGRIEGHELIH. Again, it probably won't happen, but **** it's stirred all my insecurities and anxiety since I know dating HAS to happen at some point in my life and I am simply not prepared and can't really ever be until I _start_. BUT IT'S SO SCARY.


----------



## Gwynevere

I don't know, I'm way more comfortable with older guys. I feel like they've got their life under control and it's just a lot less pressure. Someone my age might feel like they need a gf to complete their life, someone in their 30's probably has their life figured out and just wants to add me in.

I don't really feel insecure that my life is a mess compared to theirs, it's more like, my life doesn't need to be in order because his is, he can take the lead and there's not much expectation of me except to follow and be openminded.


----------



## Nefury

lisbeth said:


> Give me the aimless guy with mental health issues who's underemployed way below his skill level.


A lot of male eyes just lit up.


----------



## saline

LOL, You crack me up, Lisbeth! I also love the way you write. You have a way with words.


----------



## Barette

lisbeth said:


> I too am a bad kisser, an awkward nerd and inexperienced in dating. I feel u sis. I feel u.
> 
> With the first one, my method is 'avoid kissing'. You can't mess up a greeting-kiss, an affectionate spontaneous brief one or kissing during sexual situations (because at that point dudes are concentrating on something else and seriously don't care) but aside from that, I avoid avoid avoid. Can't handle kissing-for-the-sake-of-kissing. I avoid that or else they'll avoid me for the rest of my life (which ends up happening anyway, c'est la vie). Cuddling over kissing, forever.
> 
> Don't take that advice, it is defeatist and not constructive.
> 
> As for the awkward nerd and the inexperienced, I try to dial down the nerd to all hell and twist the awkward/inexperienced into "shy and innocent". Which is the kind of cluelessness that a lot of guys find really cute and a plus rather than a minus. Disappointing and problematic in terms of feminist principles, but in pragmatic terms it's kind of handy for thee and me.
> 
> Carrying on from that, the only kind of guys I feel even slightly comfortable around are the ones who are interested in me _because _I look young for my age and "shy and innocent", rather than are interested in me _despite_ it. Can't handle the 'despite' guys because they won't be able to look past it for longer than five minutes. The only guys I don't feel terrible around are the ones who are looking for someone younger (or younger-seeming), I can't handle the ones who seem like they're looking for an equal because I am not their equal. I'm going to be awkward and nervous and tense as all hell right into the grave.
> 
> So I mean, if he's 32 and into younger women then you're smooth sailing into the sunset, you know? Because he's going to see all the things you're insecure about as endearing. But guys who are into shyness/naivety/youth are generally not great people so it's a double edged sword. But if he's 32 and looking for another Proper Adult then oh my god that's terrifying. Terrifying. I can't handle a guy who's four years older than me let alone one who's twelve years older. Oh good lord.
> 
> Seriously older guys are terrifying. Terrifying. They make me feel really insecure. SAS likes to talk about how women are attracted to status and whatever but I literally rejected a guy partly because he lived alone and had a proper job (as in, not retail or pub work) and he made me feel like an absolute ****stain in comparison. I don't want somebody who knows what they want out of life, **** that, it makes me feel so threatened. Successful, normal people are the worst. Older guys are awful because they're confident and competent and functioning adults. Hate being around them. Give me the aimless guy with mental health issues who's underemployed way below his skill level.
> 
> I feel useless, backward and young for my age standing next to another 20 year old, let alone somebody who actually is older than me.


Yeah I'll just not kiss haha, that's a good solution. I'm not affectionate anyway so it's okay. I don't know how men see me though, how people see me always is different than how I see myself. Idk. Something I gotta figure out by trying, but it's scary. When it comes to men, too, everything I say I want just flies out the window once a guy who embodies it comes along, just because of fear. Like "nope nope nope I'll just never date again nope" and yet I just have a whole in my heart (so cheesy but that's how it feels) that I NEED a man to fix.

Another question, I'm so scared of men, but I don't even think of myself as female. Does anyone else have the same issue? I just don't feel female, let alone feminine :/ Like, that I'm a different species, just inferior to both men and women.


----------



## Barette

That sounds very confusing to deal with haha.


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> Yeah I'll just not kiss haha, that's a good solution. I'm not affectionate anyway so it's okay. I don't know how men see me though, how people see me always is different than how I see myself. Idk. Something I gotta figure out by trying, but it's scary. When it comes to men, too, everything I say I want just flies out the window once a guy who embodies it comes along, just because of fear. Like "nope nope nope I'll just never date again nope" and yet I just have a whole in my heart (so cheesy but that's how it feels) that I NEED a man to fix.
> 
> Another question, I'm so scared of men, but I don't even think of myself as female. Does anyone else have the same issue? I just don't feel female, let alone feminine :/ Like, that I'm a different species, just inferior to both men and women.


I don't feel that way any more but I felt genderless until last year. Not like I didn't want to be female but exactly like you put it, a different inferior species. I haven't felt that way lately but i totally know what you mean and what you're talking about.


----------



## Sacrieur

Marko3 said:


> lol... I know u might call me crazy, but since i'm just listening to this song.. u girls just need to be happy, relaxed and cute and ull get u your boy...:yes


Talk about low budget music video.

Also let me fix that for you.
her ears drive me wild


----------



## arnie

*What do they eat?*

^ Sandwiches 8)


----------



## Barette

lisbeth said:


> I don't feel that way any more but I felt genderless until last year. Not like I didn't want to be female but exactly like you put it, a different inferior species. I haven't felt that way lately but i totally know what you mean and what you're talking about.


How did you get past it?

I hate feeling different from other girls. Like, my body is a poor imitation of a female, as is my face.


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> How did you get past it?
> 
> I hate feeling different from other girls. Like, my body is a poor imitation of a female, as is my face.


I honestly really don't know.

Actually tbh I still feel like that sometimes, so it's not entirely gone. But the times when I get it now are when I'm in a group of people or particularly a group photograph, rather than all the time or when I'm on my own. IDK though.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Barrette and lisbeth:

For what it's worth. In my experience, when I was the around the same age as both of you I had ideas about what was and was not attractive to the other sex, and I was sure those ideas were 100% correct. Those ideas determined how I viewed myself (negatively).

As I got older I realised that those ideas were actually not entirely accurate. A lot of the assumptions I had about physical beauty/attractiveness turned out to be incorrect, or at least not entirely correct.

I had assumed only a very small percentage of "types" of guys (body features, facial features etc..) were attractive to the opposite sex.

I came to realise that the opposite sex actually find a much wider array of types/features attractive than I had assumed.

For example, let's say there was a line-up of 10 guys. I would have looked at them all and said that only one or two at most would be attractive to women, when actually women were looking at the same line-up and finding more than half attractive.

The reasons for that are long and difficult to explain, but the short version would be this: I think it's very difficult (perhaps impossible) for predominantly heterosexual people to ever really know what the other sex finds attractive about our own gender.* The things that we take for granted about ourselves as being unremarkable and ordinary are actually quite attractive to the opposite sex. 
*
Basically, you're almost certainly more attractive to others than you assume.

Anyway, that's been my experience. Hopefully it will be for you too.


----------



## Barette

TicklemeRingo said:


> Barrette and lisbeth:
> 
> For what it's worth. In my experience, when I was the around the same age as both of you I had ideas about what was and was not attractive to the other sex, and I was sure those ideas were 100% correct. Those ideas determined how I viewed myself (negatively).
> 
> As I got older I realised that those ideas were actually not entirely accurate. A lot of the assumptions I had about physical beauty/attractiveness turned out to be incorrect, or at least not entirely correct.
> 
> I had assumed only a very small percentage of "types" of guys (body features, facial features etc..) were attractive to the opposite sex.
> 
> I came to realise that the opposite sex actually find a much wider array of types/features attractive than I had assumed.
> 
> For example, let's say there was a line-up of 10 guys. I would have looked at them all and said that only one or two at most would be attractive to women, when actually women were looking at the same line-up and finding more than half attractive.
> 
> The reasons for that are long and difficult to explain, but the short version would be this: I think it's very difficult (perhaps impossible) for predominantly heterosexual people to ever really know what the other sex finds attractive about our own.* The things that we take for granted about ourselves as being unremarkable and ordinary are actually quite attractive to the opposite sex.
> *
> Basically, you're almost certainly more attractive to others than you assume.
> 
> Anyway, that's been my experience. Hopefully it will be for you too.


This was very comforting to read, thank you


----------



## Barette

I'm going to get my friend to mention to the coworker how awesome I am, so that I could keep growing the possibility of being set up with her son. I need to get over insecurities, I'm going to volunteer too. I took a paper from some cork board that had a volunteer job site, I saw it yesterday and am gonna find it tonight to volunteer and meet people! I need to get over insecurities! I'm so lonely and all I do is hold myself back. We all can get confidence, I think. I gotta go out thinking I'm the hottest **** around, cause really, what's wrong with me? I ****ing sparkle.


----------



## Jesuszilla

^ Awesome work Barrett I hope you can commit to it and the works out. I think putting the idea of dating into someone's ear is clever. I know if I was told someone was interested in me I'd eventually work up the confidence to ask her out.


----------



## Barette

^Well I'm not the one being so active in it, lol. He told her to set it up (though he hasn't met me), but who knows if she'd want that or not and who knows if I would either (and who knows if he'd want it after looking at me). So I'm just gonna tell my friend to casually mention me. It's far fetched so I'm not putting hopes into it, my little emotional basket is nice and empty still, but hey! It's something to make me realize that other human beings meet other human beings and then decide to see them again. You know? I'm like ****, this actually happens and I'm actually missing out. 
The worst part is just confronting all the anxiety, not even with these set ups but just with the general idea of dating. It's a realization that I could go out there and date if I wanted to, but that I feel too inferior of a specimen to do so. It's making me confront all the hidden emotions of how ugly and fat and disgusting and pathetic I feel... those are emotions I buried for a reason, you know? I don't want to confront them.
The worst part is that I could rationalize and analyze and disprove and churn them over as much as I'd like, it's not going to do anything until I take action and truly put myself in scary situations.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Barette said:


> ^Well I'm not the one being so active in it, lol. He told her to set it up (though he hasn't met me), but who knows if she'd want that or not and who knows if I would either (and who knows if he'd want it after looking at me). So I'm just gonna tell my friend to casually mention me. It's far fetched so I'm not putting hopes into it, my little emotional basket is nice and empty still, but hey! It's something to make me realize that other human beings meet other human beings and then decide to see them again. You know? I'm like ****, this actually happens and I'm actually missing out.


I understand now. Still its better than nothing I guess? I never did a blind date thing but it could be fun. :stu



> The worst part is just confronting all the anxiety, not even with these set ups but just with the general idea of dating. It's a realization that I could go out there and date if I wanted to, but that I feel too inferior of a specimen to do so. It's making me confront all the hidden emotions of how ugly and fat and disgusting and pathetic I feel... those are emotions I buried for a reason, you know? I don't want to confront them.


Makes sense. I'm sure you've read enough of my post to know that I support people being proactive. At the same time I know how our issues can be so damaging that if things don't go picture perfect (it won't it never does) that we'd feel like it was all a waste of time and we'll never deal with the issues.

Yet, I'm going to give you my cliche advice and if you're open to it, go for it. You'll never know how things will turn out. I know for me personally anxiety dies down the with each passing minute.

As for feeling fat and unattractive, well I'm a big guy. I hate myself for it. I'm desperately trying to lose weight but I am stuck at the 250-240 area (currently at 241). So I know. And yet I've had plenty of dates so some women out there think I'm attractive enough to be around. I've seen your picture and you are very attractive (although I believe you have mentioned BDD issues). I'm not sure if I'm helping or just relating.



> The worst part is that I could rationalize and analyze and disprove and churn them over as much as I'd like, it's not going to do anything until I take action and truly put myself in scary situations.


After the first few times (especially if you have good experiences) that isn't scary....well it's much less scary. I remember the first time I asked a girl out. I was rejected but had a smile on my face because I did it. things didn't work out but I at least asked her out and didn't die and _that_ was a victory for me. Maybe it can be the same for you. Maybe knowing you did it even if the date sucked is enough to help you stay motivated to keep trying. You seem like a decent person. And you are quite funny and sarcastic so I can see a man liking your personality.


----------



## Gwynevere

Well I strongly doubt I'm going to find someone to date or even just befriend during this summer class. I'm so bad at talking to people before and after class, I spent all class thinking of things to say to the guy next to me, and then I didn't even end up saying hi.


----------



## gunner21

Any updates ladies?



lisbeth said:


> Probably the same reason why all the men on dating sites are either illiterate fathers of three or *unemployed video game nerds living with their parents*. People on dating sites are there because they can't get a date in real life.


Hey, that's my future


----------



## Barette

^Yes. 

I've been hanging out with a friend's neighbor, but idk. We watched prank videos on his TV alongside a side table lined with 10 beer cans and an ashtray with stubbed cigarettes and blunts. Last guy just had the prank videos, now I'm adding in excessive alcohol and drug use? I should respect myself more. I'm starting to hate men, honestly I do right now. I want to meet someone nice but who knows if that's possible. I'm focusing on it too much, too. i'd like a break from trying, I really would, until someone better comes along to prove the gender to me. I keep thinking of a man as a cure for my issues, but he can't be, one can't be, but so far men have only increased the severity of my ailments. I complained to another friend about it all and she wants to set me up with a friend of hers but I don't want to (besides him being 18, ew, too young). I don't want to know men. I'm not searching, it's led me nowhere.


----------



## gunner21

Sigh...Men are just as ****ty as women...


----------



## Barette

I like women. But I don't have to **** them. 

Maybe I just won't want to **** anybody. Then the human race will seem less horrible. but atm men just try to **** me and it disgusts me, absolutely disgusts me. So they disgust me, all of them.


----------



## Payz

Idk, I hear all the time about women/men who end up hating the opposite gender because every time they meet one the person is a jerk, I really don't understand this, I know for a fact there are plenty of nice men/women I'd say even more than the jerks in the world. Maybe it's the way you meet them, like you only end up giving men/women who are bad a chance because something in your critera puts off nice peopleor just something to do with the area? This comment isn't really directed at anyone btw


----------



## probably offline

I wonder if it's possible to do less than what I'm doing to get a boy.


----------



## crimeclub

^Yesterday my friend and I went out to eat and last minute I decided to take his half of the bill. You probably shouldn't be doing less than straight men.


----------



## Barette

Payz said:


> Idk, I hear all the time about women/men who end up hating the opposite gender because every time they meet one the person is a jerk, I really don't understand this, I know for a fact there are plenty of nice men/women I'd say even more than the jerks in the world. Maybe it's the way you meet them, like you only end up giving men/women who are bad a chance because something in your critera puts off nice peopleor just something to do with the area? This comment isn't really directed at anyone btw


I attract the users, the ones who just have something in mind to gain. Maybe I'm too passive to meet a genuine guy but I don't care, I'm put off by the entire gender from all the bad eggs I've dealt with. I do put off the nice people, idk why. But for the sake of my ego to heal itself right now from the person whose torn it down, I need to say **** you to the entire gender. Learn to heal myself and maybe then be stronger for it and actually find someone_ good._


----------



## Barette

I'm going to ask my friend if we can all hang out with her neighbor again, I don't want to hang out alone with him since I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm lonely though. My other friend wants to set me up with... an *18 year old*. No no no no no no no. I'm joining meet up too and emailed a bunch of volunteer places, maybe to meet similar minded people and meet a penis (/man). Like, srs.

Edit: Joined a meetup group for volunteering (food pantries, etc) because the volunteer jobs I emailed like 2 weeks back still haven't responded, and I'm emailing more. I'd really like to ****ing volunteer. I may have to settle for hospital volunteering, which I don't want to do since I'll go from being stuck in a strip mall to stuck in a hospital during my nice summer days. I'm only volunteering for stuff I'm interested in or could benefit from atm, like the selfish person I am, because then I could meet people (/boys).


----------



## seafolly

lisbeth said:


> Carrying on from that, the only kind of guys I feel even slightly comfortable around are the ones who are interested in me _because _I look young for my age and "shy and innocent", rather than are interested in me _despite_ it. Can't handle the 'despite' guys because they won't be able to look past it for longer than five minutes. The only guys I don't feel terrible around are the ones who are looking for someone younger (or younger-seeming), I can't handle the ones who seem like they're looking for an equal because I am not their equal. I'm going to be awkward and nervous and tense as all hell right into the grave.
> 
> So I mean, if he's 32 and into younger women then you're smooth sailing into the sunset, you know? Because he's going to see all the things you're insecure about as endearing. But guys who are into shyness/naivety/youth are generally not great people so it's a double edged sword. But if he's 32 and looking for another Proper Adult then oh my god that's terrifying. Terrifying. I can't handle a guy who's four years older than me let alone one who's twelve years older. Oh good lord.
> 
> Seriously older guys are terrifying. Terrifying. They make me feel really insecure. SAS likes to talk about how women are attracted to status and whatever but I literally rejected a guy partly because he lived alone and had a proper job (as in, not retail or pub work) and he made me feel like an absolute ****stain in comparison. I don't want somebody who knows what they want out of life, **** that, it makes me feel so threatened. Successful, normal people are the worst. Older guys are awful because they're confident and competent and functioning adults. Hate being around them. Give me the aimless guy with mental health issues who's underemployed way below his skill level.
> 
> I feel useless, backward and young for my age standing next to another 20 year old, let alone somebody who actually is older than me.


Oh man, this.

As far as the stereotypical path of life goes I'm insanely behind due to panic disorder/agoraphobia. On the one hand I don't want to hang around younger guys (beyond friends) because they're not always ready to settle on one girl yet. On the other, the older ones are far more accomplished in life. aka have completed their respective schooling, have job experience, have travelled, etc. The standard question is politely asking what one does for a living so when you say you're still a student it automatically separates you by years. Their ex is probably some doctor or saving the world in some way. And developmentally speaking you're barely ahead of the 21 year olds. On paper.

p.s. you are awesome.

As for the original post&#8230;Tinder. I'm dead serious. Sure, most guys look pretty weird and potentially insane but there are some good ones to be found. I opened up the app this morning and then spent the afternoon with a veterinarian (only two years older than me&#8230;see above paragraph) who shockingly was very accepting of my background story. It's fantastic exposure if you're that advanced enough with recovery. And this is coming from someone who couldn't leave the house by herself for about five years. You just have to make peace with yourself (easier said than done) and have that attitude of "take it or leave it, I am who I am." If you're cool with it, worthwhile guys will be too.

As for boyfriends, the one who stuck around for over a decade was introduced to me by a friend. The other I met on vacation. And one of those Tinder guys actually stuck too.

Short answer is putting yourself out there in whatever form you choose to take is the only way. I'm speaking as a recovering agoraphobic person who's akin to a caged bird who was accidentally freed and loaded with caffeine. TALK TO ALL THE PEOPLE.


----------



## Schmosby

seafolly said:


> .


I don't get Tinder, how am I supposed to decide if I'm interested in someone just by seeing their photo and age lol


----------



## Persephone The Dread

probably offline said:


> I wonder if it's possible to do less than what I'm doing to get a boy.


It probably is, you could be me.


----------



## Barette

The guy interested in me is cute D: I looked at his FB to confirm my memory of the few times we've hung out and he is cute D: but so white trash. I'm white trash too but I hide it a bit better, I'm like silver trash. Maybe gold trash. But idk D: I put so much contemplation into my inaction.


----------



## mezzoforte

Barette said:


> The guy interested in me is cute D: I looked at his FB to confirm my memory of the few times we've hung out and he is cute D: but so white trash. *I'm white trash too but I hide it a bit better, I'm like silver trash. Maybe gold trash.* But idk D: I put so much contemplation into my inaction.


LOL @ the bolded. :lol

But seriously, you should go for it Barette. A cute guy interested in you? That's exciting.  Maybe you should hang out more with him and just see how it goes?


----------



## seafolly

Schmosby said:


> I don't get Tinder, how am I supposed to decide if I'm interested in someone just by seeing their photo and age lol


You don't.  You can really only make a superficial judgement, much like you might at a social gathering or a bar (shudder). Or you can be like me and study the photos really carefully and see what vibe you get from it. Phase two is figuring out if the person has a brain via the chat system. And if they pass that test the actual meet isn't too much of a surprise. So far I've been lucky and haven't met up with anyone I regretted meeting.

"Do I Find This Person Attractive?" <- That's it.


----------



## probably offline

Persephone The Dread said:


> It probably is, you could be me.


No, I'm probably doing less. I can almost guarantee that you interact with more penis people than I do, on average. I've become a ****ing recluse. Even on the internet. It's amazing that I can still communicate with human language since the only one I'm talking to is my cat.

Life sucks.


----------



## Mousy

Sitting by myself at a public place and waiting to see if anyone will approach me. Lol I guess that stopped working after high school.


----------



## Barette

mezzoforte said:


> LOL @ the bolded. :lol
> 
> But seriously, you should go for it Barette. A cute guy interested in you? That's exciting.  Maybe you should hang out more with him and just see how it goes?


I just texted my friend that I wasn't interested, then texted her right after saying i might still be interested, and she invited me over for tonight to drink and do pills (whicj id pike to, im gold star trash, but I lied and said I was out to dinner already just cause my mom already knows she and I smoke together (she reads my texts as though I'm 2) and me going over at 9 on a sun, and probably sleeping over, it'd be too obvious what I was doing). But next time we hang out (prob tomorrow or Tues) I'll go over. He really is cute, 27, fairly tall, was in the army so hes athletic.. Idk. I'm gonna just hang out and play it by ear. Alcohol and pills well help me along in my decision making too.

I just want some guys to casually see but my self esteem issues get in the way so much.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

probably offline said:


> No, I'm probably doing less. I can almost guarantee that you interact with more penis people than I do, on average. I've become a ****ing recluse. Even on the internet. It's amazing that I can still communicate with human language since the only one I'm talking to is my cat.
> 
> Life sucks.


 :squeeze *awkward emoticon hug because I don't know what to say, but can sort of relate in the past when I lived alone for a year and still mostly don't talk to non family now I'm back living at home*


----------



## Barette

**** it, I'll try it with the guy. Just in a social setting first.


----------



## SilentLyric

Mousy said:


> Sitting by myself at a public place and waiting to see if anyone will approach me. Lol I guess that stopped working after high school.


that probably doesn't work because girls tell guys that they don't want to be bothered when they are out or get tired of guys hitting on them. we're encouraged to do the opposite of approaching.


----------



## Gwynevere

Barette said:


> **** it, I'll try it with the guy. Just in a social setting first.


Cool good luck. What are you looking for from him anyway, just someone to have fun with?


----------



## Schmosby

probably offline said:


> No, I'm probably doing less. I can almost guarantee that you interact with more penis people than I do, on average. I've become a ****ing recluse. Even on the internet. It's amazing that I can still communicate with human language since the only one I'm talking to is my cat.
> 
> Life sucks.


If only marrying ones cat were socially acceptable, life would be so much easier.


----------



## Barette

Gwynevere said:


> Cool good luck. What are you looking for from him anyway, just someone to have fun with?


Yeah, company


----------



## knightofdespair

Well these are the types I like and somehow they are always married, I think if they were stranded on the moon in a moat of battery acid they would still somehow be married.


----------



## Gwynevere

^I'm confused :con


----------



## knightofdespair

Gwynevere said:


> ^I'm confused :con


Pretty much every woman I've ever found hot is already spoken for, if not more than once... And I refuse to stand in line 6 people deep waiting around for them. Gets to a point where you quit even talking to any of them.


----------



## Schmosby

knightofdespair said:


> Pretty much every woman I've ever found hot is already spoken for, if not more than once... And I refuse to stand in line 6 people deep waiting around for them. Gets to a point where you quit even talking to any of them.


was this meant for the 'post a pic of your ideal mate look wise' thread?


----------



## knightofdespair

Schmosby said:


> was this meant for the 'post a pic of your ideal mate look wise' thread?


No, not really but I bet part of OP's issue is maybe they just don't look approachable or quite meet what a lot of guys go crazy for. I worked at a few jobs in the past with quite a few women, there are some aspects that draw guys like a magnet and others that are still cute but maybe not so widely appealing. I tend to go crazy for the types everyone else does, and find myself cussing at the back of the line and refusing to compromise my dignity and grovel for a turn at being top clown for their attention.


----------



## Gwynevere

I mean, telling us 'be hotter' or 'be more conventionally attractive' isn't really super useful advice, there's not a whole lot we can change in that regard.


----------



## tbyrfan

Gwynevere said:


> I mean, telling us 'be hotter' or 'be more conventionally attractive' isn't really super useful advice, there's not a whole lot we can change in that regard.


+1. Part of the problem is guys who won't accept anything less than Barbie.


----------



## probably offline

Schmosby said:


> If only marrying ones cat were socially acceptable, life would be so much easier.


She's too good for me. I'll marry some rugged street cat.


----------



## Schmosby

probably offline said:


> She's too good for me. I'll marry some rugged street cat.


I had a cat wife, it was a perfect relationship, sadly she passed a few years back, I'll never love again.


----------



## Mousy

SilentLuke said:


> that probably doesn't work because girls tell guys that they don't want to be bothered when they are out or get tired of guys hitting on them. we're encouraged to do the opposite of approaching.


Then I'm supposed to approach them? *gasp*


----------



## SilentLyric

Mousy said:


> Then I'm supposed to approach them? *gasp*


well girls aren't exactly encouraged to approach guys either, that's for sure. it all ends in a stalemate and no one meets anyone. lol.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

knightofdespair said:


> No, not really but I bet part of OP's issue is maybe they just don't look approachable or quite meet what a lot of guys go crazy for. I worked at a few jobs in the past with quite a few women, there are some aspects that draw guys like a magnet and others that are still cute but maybe not so widely appealing. I tend to go crazy for the types everyone else does, and find myself cussing at the back of the line and refusing to compromise my dignity and grovel for a turn at being top clown for their attention.


lol knightofdespair what are you doing? Rephrase everything you posted here in your mind with the pronouns changed to the opposite gender and someone telling you you're not Ryan Gosling and then proceed to *face palm* when it hits you. :lol

You can't get a date because you're not similar enough to Ryan Gosling/Charlize Theron is pretty useless advice.


----------



## knightofdespair

Persephone The Dread said:


> lol knightofdespair what are you doing? Rephrase everything you posted here in your mind with the pronouns changed to the opposite gender and someone telling you you're not Ryan Gosling and then proceed to *face palm* when it hits you. :lol
> 
> You can't get a date because you're not similar enough to Ryan Gosling/Charlize Theron is pretty useless advice.


I've accepted that there are some guys like that useless prison felon the other day that just walk into a room and girls panties soak themselves instantly and they don't care if he murdered someone if they can hang out. I find most women just as shallow as men in a lot of ways, particularly about finances, despite the fact that for men job quality has changed a ton in the last generation and just because a guy is making bank today is not really any guarantee he will in a couple years. Men are hardwired to be very visual for the first say 10 seconds they meet you, they will instantly and against their will notice certain things about you and kind of gauge your level of interest and compatibility from hundreds of cues at a subconscious level. This isn't a hard set value and there is actually a lot you can do to change them after - but if you look angry, if you don't seem nice or seem like you just want them to go away, which is most women to most men that are looking, then guys will pretty much pick up that you have no interest or low interest and score that instantly.

Basically if you are always around other women or guys, unknown guys will usually not go near you since they figure the guys may well be your spouse or something. If you sound angry or *****y most guys will also see that as a sign to avoid you. Men have been told for years that certain places like the gym are off limits to even talk to women. 10 times out of 10, even if I see a lovely woman I would like to get to know better, I figure she probably has a boyfriend or married and even if she isn't, it takes a lot of desperation to risk her shooting you down if you talk to her.

I personally am not doing much now since my long term girlfriend/fiancée is dying on me and I'm in this weird limbo. She was diagnosed with brain cancer a year ago, she is still around but basically a stranger and has no love for me. She needs care, we are financially linked but I get nothing out of the relationship anymore. She used to be a very lovely and competent woman and I still deeply love her but that woman is dead at this point. The woman she is today is mentally like a teenager and has no appreciation or reciprocation for the things I still do for her, and I'm trapped in this hell every day for the last year and possibly a year or more to come.


----------



## knightofdespair

orsomething said:


> dear god
> 
> i feel for you on so many levels, but at the same time, i could understand feeling entitled and taking advantage of other people considering she's literally dying of brain cancer
> 
> and because the disease is in her brain, she's probably not all there
> 
> it sounds really excruciating for the both of you
> 
> sorry bout that, man
> 
> how long were you two together before her diagnosis? has the oncologist given you guys a rough estimate of her time left?


Yeah she isn't all there, she had surgery a year ago and they took a piece out. We were together for 13 years, I only had one other serious girlfriend prior to that and I'm just not really the sort to grovel for attention. I can find a million things to do at home on my own and while I definitely enjoy having a girlfriend I'm not going to make a fool of myself to get their attention. She was very beautiful, now she is still fairly beautiful but she has no interest in anything beyond laying around and listening to music or shopping. We haven't done anything more than a quick hug in over a year, she lost her job and her family is kind of nuts and overbearing. Her prognosis is hard to say, the average once it starts growing back is about 6-9 months but there is one woman who's been alive 15 years.


----------



## yourfavestoner

Smile at guys. We like it. I got a big smile from a blondie at the supermarket the other day and I'd of started talking to her if she weren't with her mother. Just try to give off good, friendly vibes that make guys more likely to want to talk to you. Don't look like one of those uber intimidating type girls that make a lot men quail in their boots. And hey, if you want to be the one to approach fine.

knightofdespair - I'm wondering how your relationship with this girl can be reinvigorated? I'm only guessing - but I see it's possible you've been to emotionally available to her. Perhaps starting to act more distant, more unavailable will wake her up a tad, though the situation is uber complicated.


----------



## knightofdespair

yourfavestoner said:


> Smile at guys. We like it. I got a big smile from a blondie at the supermarket the other day and I'd of started talking to her if she weren't with her mother. Just try to give off good, friendly vibes that make guys more likely to want to talk to you. Don't look like one of those uber intimidating type girls that make a lot men quail in their boots. And hey, if you want to be the one to approach fine.


I think that is probably the biggest thing for guys that aren't socially comfortable.. They are generally great guys they just aren't loud and obnoxious and will usually choose to not risk getting shot down publically rather than try to start some conversation that they figure she probably doesn't want.



yourfavestoner said:


> knightofdespair - I'm wondering how your relationship with this girl can be reinvigorated? I'm only guessing - but I see it's possible you've been to emotionally available to her. Perhaps starting to act more distant, more unavailable will wake her up a tad, though the situation is uber complicated


There isn't, she is basically on the way out. She hasn't really been anything but a roommate for a year now, I stick around and try to help her because I cared and love/loved her but I'm getting nothing for a long time out of it. Her capacity for all that just plain isn't there and never will be again. There is probably a 50% chance she will be dead by xmas, and 75% chance she will be dead in a year if she makes it past xmas.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glioblastoma_multiforme


----------



## Mousy

yourfavestoner said:


> Smile at guys. We like it. I got a big smile from a blondie at the supermarket the other day and I'd of started talking to her if she weren't with her mother. Just try to give off good, friendly vibes that make guys more likely to want to talk to you. Don't look like one of those uber intimidating type girls that make a lot men quail in their boots. And hey, if you want to be the one to approach fine.


I guess me wearing the hood on my hoody and avoiding all eye contact doesn't make me very approachable. *snicker*


----------



## Rixy

Mousy said:


> I guess me wearing the hood on my hoody and avoiding all eye contact doesn't make me very approachable. *snicker*


Yeah, us guys like girls that smile a lot. Well...I do anyway :um


----------



## calichick

essemsee said:


> I like to soak myself in bacon grease before I go out. Works like a charm.


Topic died out?

On the topic of scent, ladies, never neglect the importance of perfume. Sweet, delicious, captivating scent that will knock him hard, make it known that YOU'RE HERE even before you come into the room and linger on him 5 minutes after you've left (and even days after that)

My signature scent is Chanel.

The other day, I was at an event, taking a walk outside, and this guy 10 feet adjacent to me, maybe mid 30s, tall, dark and handsome says aloud, "Why, that smell...what is that smell Miss? It smells so good!" I tell him the name, and he says in a bit of a stalkerish way, "Would you mind if I just walk behind you to catch the drift? It smells too good!" And I shrug whatever, and he proceeds to step behind me with one of his friends for about 4 yards, smiling at me all the while as I turn back to see what kind of guy this is, speaking in some kind of foreign tongue, until one of my friends shouts my name, and he looks up surprised that I'm not alone.

That made my day  It's the small things that count really.


----------



## calichick

yourfavestoner said:


> Don't look like one of those uber intimidating type girls that make a lot men quail in their boots.


I don't know about that broski, I would say you're wrong.

Yes, a smile is nice, warm and inviting but it's just a cherry on top, it doesn't really change things in the end.

I'm not a smiler. I tend to have that far off distant look that is common for people here which gets interpreted (as I've been told) as snobbiness/b****iness but I find that's really appealing to men in itself.

That sultry expression I like to refer to as "b**** face." (Megan Fox for example)


















A guy actually told me before, "You have that expression on your face, like yea, I know I'm hot, so what?" I was going to say to him, if you see that expression, it's most likely what I'm thinking (out of modesty, I refrained of course). lol. And yes, he wasn't incorrect. Another man also pointed out to me one time that he was drawn to me based on the fact that there seemed to be something different there, I didn't look all cheery and happy (I think he was referring to depression?) haha

Intimidating, yes, but men need to be put out of their comfort zone every once in awhile. Most men will approach regardless.

And I personally like to see them quail a bit. I've said this on here before, there's nothing like knowing a man is so nervous to look or even speak to you, knowing that you have the upper hand, staring right through him and judging each part of him that really makes it all worth it.

:teeth

FOR ME, I'm also REALLY attracted to guys who don't have that fake, cheery persona all the time. (i.e. introverts). Actually that goes for pretty much every guy that I've liked in the past. I'm attracted to the mysterious types.


----------



## Waifu

Don't try to get a guy. Make guys try to get you.


----------



## jc43

Waifu said:


> Don't try to get a guy. Make guys try to get you.


Could not agree more with this! Let the men come and get you, not you go get the men! Haha


----------



## zoslow

calichick said:


> And I personally like to see them quail a bit. I've said this on here before, there's nothing like knowing a man is so nervous to look or even speak to you, knowing that you have the upper hand, staring right through him and judging each part of him that really makes it all worth it.
> 
> :teeth


I find this sort of strange if you suffer with SA which I'm guessing you do as you are on here. I mean given that you should know what it feels like to be very anxious/nervous and what a nerve wrecking experience that can be, is it really something you enjoy seeing others go through?

I don't think women necessarily needs to smile or be all cheery but there is probably something in-between coming off as very happy and seeming stuck up/snobbish that will appeal to the most men (if that is one's wish to do so). I wouldn't approach someone that seems very unapproachable or too full of themselves and I'm guessing a lot of other men thinks that way too. Then again of course some men just finds it interesting and a challenge.


----------



## SilentLyric

Waifu said:


> Don't try to get a guy. Make guys try to get you.





jc43 said:


> Could not agree more with this! Let the men come and get you, not you go get the men! Haha


Could not agree less. Doesn't have to be a blunt approach, but making consistent eye contact and smiling would help.


----------



## Waifu

SilentLuke said:


> Could not agree less. Doesn't have to be a blunt approach, but making consistent eye contact and smiling would help.


Smile at who? I don't want any random guy. I wan't the guy who was enough of a *man* to risk rejection and pursue me.


----------



## SilentLyric

Waifu said:


> Smile at who? I don't want any random guy. I wan't the guy who was enough of a *man* to risk rejection and pursue me.


Not a random guy, but perhaps a male friend you find attractive or a man in your social activity group, in whatever it is you like to do in your free time.


----------



## calichick

zoslow said:


> I find this sort of strange if you suffer with SA which I'm guessing you do as you are on here. I mean given that you should know what it feels like to be very anxious/nervous and what a nerve wrecking experience that can be, is it really something you enjoy seeing others go through?
> 
> I don't think women necessarily needs to smile or be all cheery but there is probably something in-between coming off as very happy and seeming stuck up/snobbish that will appeal to the most men (if that is one's wish to do so). I wouldn't approach someone that seems very unapproachable or too full of themselves and I'm guessing a lot of other men thinks that way too. Then again of course some men just finds it interesting and a challenge.


It's not that strange.

Let me give you a lesson from an alpha female; I love subservient men. I like to feel in control and know that I have the upper hand most times, and that feeling in itself is empowering and what I thrive off of. In the end, it lessens MY anxiety to know that someone can't hold eye contact with me or is nervous to speak to me.

I find it amusing because people usually think I'm not down to earth and they have to go to some lengths to impress me. I find it really amusing knowing what background I came from and how gullible men can be with a girl they really like.

I am all for female empowerment

And you are wrong again, men like the chase. Scratch that. They LOVE the chase. I think stuck up/snobbish is the wrong description.

It is a woman who holds her head up high with confidence and a SLIGHT disregard for others around her.

Men are very susceptible to these kinds of things. To how you portray yourself to the outside world etc


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> Let me give you a lesson from an alpha female; I love subservient men. I like to feel in control and know that I have the upper hand most times, and that feeling in itself is empowering and what I thrive off of. In the end, it lessens MY anxiety to know that someone can't hold eye contact with me or is nervous to speak to me.


You might enjoy talking to subservient men to intimidate them, but I know you wouldn't consider having a serious relationship with any guy like that. The type of guy you _would_ be attracted to is the guy who would be confident and assertive enough to make you subservient to him. :yes :yes


----------



## SilentLyric

calichick said:


> It's not that strange.
> 
> Let me give you a lesson from an alpha female; I love subservient men. I like to feel in control and know that I have the upper hand most times, and that feeling in itself is empowering and what I thrive off of. In the end, it lessens MY anxiety to know that someone can't hold eye contact with me or is nervous to speak to me.
> 
> I find it amusing because people usually think I'm not down to earth and they have to go to some lengths to impress me. I find it really amusing knowing what background I came from and how gullible men can be with a girl they really like.
> 
> I am all for female empowerment
> 
> And you are wrong again, men like the chase. Scratch that. They LOVE the chase. I think stuck up/snobbish is the wrong description.
> 
> It is a woman who holds her head up high with confidence and a SLIGHT disregard for others around her.
> 
> Men are very susceptible to these kinds of things. To how you portray yourself to the outside world etc


I hate the chase. There's no need to play games like that.


----------



## Waifu

SilentLuke said:


> I hate the chase. There's no need to play games like that.


The chase is the best part. I like to give guys hope and enjoy their attention as they try to convince me to like them.


----------



## calichick

On a side note, why _does_ passive-aggressiveness get such a bad rep these days?

Is it just because people are frustrated with their own shortcomings and/or inability to respond to it or

I'm very confused why it's always treated with contempt and ridicule when it's such an effective bargaining agent.

At least for me anyways :lol


----------



## cybernaut

calichick said:


> I don't know about that broski, I would say you're wrong.
> 
> Yes, a smile is nice, warm and inviting but it's just a cherry on top, it doesn't really change things in the end.
> 
> I'm not a smiler. I tend to have that far off distant look that is common for people here which gets interpreted (as I've been told) as snobbiness/b****iness but I find that's really appealing to men in itself.
> 
> That sultry expression I like to refer to as "b**** face." (Megan Fox for example)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A guy actually told me before, "You have that expression on your face, like yea, I know I'm hot, so what?" I was going to say to him, if you see that expression, it's most likely what I'm thinking (out of modesty, I refrained of course). lol. And yes, he wasn't incorrect. Another man also pointed out to me one time that he was drawn to me based on the fact that there seemed to be something different there, I didn't look all cheery and happy (I think he was referring to depression?) haha
> 
> Intimidating, yes, but men need to be put out of their comfort zone every once in awhile. Most men will approach regardless.
> 
> And I personally like to see them quail a bit. I've said this on here before, there's nothing like knowing a man is so nervous to look or even speak to you, knowing that you have the upper hand, staring right through him and judging each part of him that really makes it all worth it.
> 
> :teeth
> 
> *FOR ME, I'm also REALLY attracted to guys who don't have that fake, cheery persona all the time. (i.e. introverts). Actually that goes for pretty much every guy that I've liked in the past. I'm attracted to the mysterious types.*


Yeah, same here.


----------



## knightofdespair

Waifu said:


> Smile at who? I don't want any random guy. I wan't the guy who was enough of a *man* to risk rejection and pursue me.


Gonna wait a long time then, only losers go up to a woman cold turkey and try to get with them. And they do it to every woman too.


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> You might enjoy talking to subservient men to intimidate them, but I know you wouldn't consider having a serious relationship with any guy like that. The type of guy you _would_ be attracted to is the guy who would be confident and assertive enough to make you subservient to him. :yes :yes


It's really not about that though.

Compatibility is key and what everyone should be searching for.

The yin to their yang, the water to their fire.

People are so concerned with what they *should* be doing or who they should be doing that there is this ignorance about what they really need to complement their own personality traits, characteristics and flaws.

So when I say I love subservient men, my friend, I am actually saying I love subservient men. That doesn't mean cocky, boldfaced, assertive, whatever you call it. I mean, subservient. I mean, I have a very strong willed personality myself so why the hell would it make sense to be attracted to the same type?

As you get older, you pinpoint your type and block out all that should would be expectations.


----------



## zoslow

calichick said:


> It's not that strange.
> 
> Let me give you a lesson from an alpha female; I love subservient men. I like to feel in control and know that I have the upper hand most times, and that feeling in itself is empowering and what I thrive off of. In the end, it lessens MY anxiety to know that someone can't hold eye contact with me or is nervous to speak to me.
> 
> I find it amusing because people usually think I'm not down to earth and they have to go to some lengths to impress me. I find it really amusing knowing what background I came from and how gullible men can be with a girl they really like.
> 
> I am all for female empowerment
> 
> And you are wrong again, men like the chase. Scratch that. They LOVE the chase. I think stuck up/snobbish is the wrong description.
> 
> It is a woman who holds her head up high with confidence and a SLIGHT disregard for others around her.
> 
> Men are very susceptible to these kinds of things. To how you portray yourself to the outside world etc


Well yeah if you like to be the one in charge, it does make sense in a way. However it's not that I don't get that it feels empowering or that it might help you with your own anxiety but personally I wouldn't want to put others through the things I experienced just for the heck of it or to feel better about myself. Would feel pretty ****ty. If you are fine with doing that though that's good for you.

I think all people like the chase one way or another but there will always be a chase no matter who you are trying to hook up with (unless they have no standards whatsoever). Speaking specifically about very good looking/confident women though, no, far from all men will go for that chase. That is why you can see some women with such attributes are getting less approached in bars for instance than other women, simply because many guys will think they are out of their league, will fear getting rejected or have another reason for not making a move.

Personally I wouldn't go for such women both because I would indeed fear getting rejected but also because that type of attitude is just a turn-off to me. I much rather prefer warm friendly people I can easily relate to and hit it off with. It's funny though cause I've known women that are like the ones we are discussing and noticed how they would boss around men present in their lives and make them chase them. I also observed how much it bothered them when I wouldn't squirm for them or bend over backwards, in some cases they eventually ended up going after me. I'm not special in terms of being very good looking or anything like that so I guess they just couldn't stand being ignored/rejected and had to make it a point to get me interested in them.


----------



## calichick

I find it attractive when a guy is somewhat of a push-over.

Can you blame me? 

But he's usually a good looking pushover so don't think that looks don't matter because they make up 50% of the battle.

And hey, there are a LOT of men like that out there.


----------



## calichick

zoslow said:


> I'm not special in terms of being very good looking or anything like that.


You lost me there LOL

I joke, I joke. Not really though :lol

But seriously, compatibility folks.

And this may come as a surprise, but I do approach men from time to time (not in the forward WHATS YOUR NUMBER manner we're all accustomed to).

But in 'safe' settings, where if I gauge his personality type and his demeanor, I do strike up conversations and flirt and all that jazz, and that's when I see them sweat

Yes, I go after weak prey if I see it.

I'm assuming you don't give off that weak vibe which is why you see those alpha females squirm a little bit.

And I highly doubt they were attractive if you're actually telling a fragment of the truth.


----------



## lisbeth

lisbeth said:


> I somehow managed to get myself a sorta date next week. Wot.
> 
> But leaving that aside, here's something I want to get some input on from ladies here. There's been a real pattern to my experiences thus far which I just can't understand and which really kind of bothers me. I've only ever really been asked out by guys after they've initially tried and failed to get me to sleep with them. Each time it's pretty much gone like this:
> 
> meet a guy, hit it off > he tries to get me to have sex with him > I refuse > see him again, he tries his luck again > I refuse > he keeps texting me halfheartedly trying to get me to come over > I refuse > finally he asks me out to lunch (or whatever).
> 
> Each time. Different guys met in different places.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously, what is up with that?
> 
> How come guys only seem to ask me out as a last resort after I've turned them down sexually? "Sigh, all these avenues didn't work, damn it, guess I have to make an honest woman of her, siiiiiiigh ugh gross let's go get coffee". Why don't they ask me out first and then try their luck afterwards? I don't get it. I'm pretty sure other girls don't get it in this order.


Resurrecting this post from back in May because it's still true and still mysterious to me.

The date I mentioned at the beginning of that post never actually materialised. The guy flaked and stood me up lol. Not really any loss because I got the impression he was probably the hit-it-and-quit-it type. Anyway, the reason I bring it up again two months later: I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT. I met a girl the other night who, it turns out, slept with him recently and had him ghost immediately afterwards. It made me laugh because a) small town, small world and b) wow, it is almost impressive that guy is so consistently scummy.

Speaking of scummy and trashy, other than that, the only men to show interest in me in the last couple of months are a guy in a relationship who wanted to hook up as some kind of friends-with-benefits (nopenopenopenopenope) and a 50 year old delboy with gold teeth.

One of my friends keeps saying she's going to set me up with this or that single friend/acquaintance ("oh, he's so intelligent, you'd really like him!") but the impression I get is that they're all pretty much like the first guy in this story. One of them had a one night stand with another girl I know and is apparently really into drugs. Noooo I think I'll pass, thanks.

Maybe when I'm back in university this autumn things will be a little more appealing, but idk. I've seen way too many students who act as if they're single during term-time but actually have girlfriends in their hometowns. The scumminess is everywhere. Hopefully someday I'm gonna meet somebody who ain't.


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> It's really not about that though.
> 
> Compatability is key and what everyone should be searching for.
> 
> The yin to their yang, the water to their fire.


I have never bought into the idea of "opposites attract". Whether looking for a normal friend or a girlfriend, I think that the more personality traits we have in common the better.



calichick said:


> So when I say I love subservient men, my friend, I am actually saying I love subservient men. That doesn't mean cocky, boldfaced, assertive, whatever you call it. I mean, subservient. I mean, I have a very strong willed personality myself so why the hell would it make sense to be attracted to the same type?





calichick said:


> I find it attractive when a guy is somewhat of a push-over.
> 
> Can you blame me? Lol
> 
> But he's usually a good looking pushover so don't think that looks don't matter because they make up 50% of the battle.
> 
> And hey, there are a LOT of men like that out there.


:sus Wouldn't things get boring without some resistance or friction from the other person? I really can't relate, unless of course SA has stolen all the control you have, over other areas of your life.


----------



## calichick

Sweetie no no no no no no no.

Do not bring that opposites attract irrelevant BS to this conversation.

COMPATIBILITY is what we are talking about.
Physical, sexual, mental, emotional compatibility.

My compatibility component as zoslow mentioned above is a guy I can string along like a little puppy dog. He can have some of the same traits as me, but our personalities mesh together, i.e. He likes being controlled, I like controlling.

This has nothing to do with opposites/same and is a kind of fallacy for amateurs.

I am talking about INSTINCTIVE needs.

Haven't you ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?


----------



## calichick

Pro tip to the ladies: men, like dogs, love to have their bellies full.

If you're the one feeding him at the end of the night, consistently on a regular basis, he's going to know who his master is and loyal ones don't stray.

So if you don't know how to cook, here is incentive :lol


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> :sus Wouldn't things get boring without some resistance or friction from the other person? I really can't relate, unless of course SA has stolen all the control you have, over other areas of your life.


 I come from a LONG line of overbearing, dominating women (the passive-aggressive type no less). Matriarchal. And their pansy husbands. It runs in the blood.

Tell me BHL what is your personality type?

I ask, because if you can't understand my compatibility with push over men, and you have a need for "friction" as you say,

Are you sure you're not seeking a strong-willed women because you, well, are a pushover yourself?

Lol, it's all about perspective my friend


----------



## calichick

Also @Lisbeth I already told you months ago you need to grab life (and maybe something else) by the balls.

Ok maybe don't do that, but this stuff just goes back to not giving off the impression of a hit-it-and-quit-it type female.

I think that it's possible to accomplish that by coming off as less needy.

Sex (which is what you claim they are only seeking) is purely physical so ask yourself what you're doing to warrant only that and how you can get to the emotional level...

Hit it and Quit it = [THEY SEE YOU AS] only offering them physical benefits
"WIFE" Material = Physical, emotional connection

why do I feel like I've had this conversation before...

For me, it's also pretty hard to get to an emotional level with a guy because I never had a strong father figure growing up, so my relationships with men may be a bit askew..


----------



## zoslow

calichick said:


> I find it attractive when a guy is somewhat of a push-over.
> 
> Can you blame me?
> 
> But he's usually a good looking pushover so don't think that looks don't matter because they make up 50% of the battle.
> 
> And hey, there are a LOT of men like that out there.


No I don't blame you. There's nothing wrong with that, what I commented on was that putting people in that spot just to get a thrill out of it or feel better about yourself is ****ty in my opinion but I re-read your initial post now and it is possible I misinterpreted it and that you do not engage in such activities. I mean there is a difference between seeking out a insecure person/a pushover or consciously trying to make someone feel insecure or anxious around you. I don't know which category you fall into.



calichick said:


> You lost me there LOL
> 
> I joke, I joke. Not really though :lol
> 
> But seriously, compatability folks.
> 
> And this may come as a surprise, but I do approach men from time to time (not in the forward WHATS YOUR NUMBER manner we're all accustomed to).
> 
> But in 'safe' settings, where if I gauge his personality type and his demeanor, I do strike up conversations and flirt and all that jazz, and that's when I see them sweat
> 
> Yes, I go after weak prey if I see it.
> 
> I'm assuming you don't give off that weak vibe which is why you see those alpha females squirm a little bit.
> 
> And I highly doubt they were attractive if you're actually telling a fragment of the truth.


I'm not surprised, if you are looking for pushovers I'm guessing sometimes you need to be the one to take the first step If they won't.

Eh why would I lie on an internet forum? I don't even find it very flattering that I did have a few chase after me, one of them was an absolutely horrible and nasty person I didn't want anything to do with. But was she very attractive&popular in school? Yes. I haven't questioned your claims about being an alpha female, supposedly knowing strategies to captivate any man or even a story as bizarre as a man supposedly following you just to sniff your scent though I very well could. Why? Cause it's pointless, we could both be full of **** and no one would ever be any wiser as it is an anonymous internet forum, thus it is easier to simply assume people are telling the truth unless given very strong reasons to think otherwise.


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> Tell me BHL what is your personality type?


My personality type. Well, I consider one of my key traits to be argumentative. Nice, smiley, friendly conversations are nice, but ultimately boring. Nothing feeds me like the tension of disagreement.

I'd say another thing about me is that I have strong principles concerning everything. What else: open-mindedness; hatred of cliche, platitude, etc. ; tend to be very analytic about everything.

IDK, I don't take personality tests. This is just my semi-professional opinion.


----------



## calichick

Lisbeth maybe they see you only as a pretty face and your SA acts as a barrier for them to want to get to know you further?

bam...1 second diagnosis. 

Been there myself my friend, built up my social skills by practicing in a 'controlled' environment and it helped me get to a level where I could find myself relating to men in some quirky, offbeat way (as you can see from the 'puppy dog' analogy here).


----------



## ToeSnails

calichick said:


> *People are so concerned with what they *should* be doing* or who they should be doing that there is this ignorance about what they really need to complement their own personality traits, characteristics and flaws.


THIS THIS THIS!

It's exactly what a lot of people here don't quite understand. It all goes back to the "be yourself"-saying, and people are afraid of it! They despise that saying all the way to hell, and yet it's the only reasonable way of achieving peace of mind, as you don't have to constantly worry about what you *should* be doing, and instead focus on *being*.


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> I ask, because if you can't understand my compatability with push over men, and you have a need for "friction" as you say,
> 
> Are you sure you're not seeking a strong-willed women because you, well, are a pushover yourself?
> 
> Lol, it's all about perspective my friend


Just saw your edit. I would be very open to a strong-willed woman, but because she would be a challenge,and not because I would like to be her "puppy dog".


----------



## calichick

zoslow said:


> I mean there is a difference between seeking out a insecure person/a pushover or consciously trying to make someone feel insecure or anxious around you.


I think that everyone is drawn on at least a subconscious level to the type that compliments their needs. I just do it a little more aggressively since I'm very attune to my heart's desires.

That's why we always hear about these women crying over bad boy types and constantly getting their heart broken and asking themselves why they go after the same type of man over and over again when they know that most of the time, it will always end up the same way.

They like to have someone overpower them to offset their weak-mindedness (not being offensive but truthful). It's the bad boy type who can usually provide them with the domineering influence they need in their lives.



> Eh why would I lie on an internet forum? I don't even find it very flattering that I did have a few chase after me, one of them was an absolutely horrible and nasty person I didn't want anything to do with. But was she very attractive&popular in school? Yes. I haven't questioned your claims about being an alpha female, supposedly knowing strategies to captivate any man or even a story as bizarre as a man supposedly following you just to sniff your scent though I very well could. Why? Cause it's pointless, we could both be full of **** and no one would ever be any wiser as it is an anonymous internet forum, thus it is easier to simply assume people are telling the truth unless given very strong reasons to think otherwise.


Not lie but moreso exaggerate the story.

But if you say she was beautiful and confident and she wanted your D, and you rejected her, then kuddos...That's more than 99% of the men here can say if that happened to them.

And that did ABSOLUTELY happen, did he follow me JUST because he liked my scent? Most likely not because I look pretty good if I do say so myself but men always give some twobit excuse to strike up a conversation with you.

Perfume is just a way to slap them in the face and make them realize it sooner. hahaha


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Also @Lisbeth I already told you months ago you need to grab life (and maybe something else) by the balls.
> 
> Ok maybe don't do that, but this stuff just goes back to not giving off the impression of a hit-it-and-quit-it type female.
> 
> I think that it's possible to accomplish that by coming off as less needy.
> 
> Sex (which is what you claim they are only seeking) is purely physical so ask yourself what you're doing to warrant only that and how you can get to the emotional level...
> 
> Hit it and Quit it = [THEY SEE YOU AS] only offering them physical benefits
> "WIFE" Material = Physical, emotional connection
> 
> why do I feel like I've had this conversation before...
> 
> For me, it's also pretty hard to get to an emotional level with a guy because I never had a strong father figure growing up, so my relationships with men may be a bit askew..





calichick said:


> Lisbeth maybe they see you only as a pretty face and your SA acts as a barrier for them to want to get to know you further?
> 
> bam...1 second diagnosis.
> 
> Been there myself my friend, built up my social skills by practicing in a 'controlled' environment and it helped me get to a level where I could find myself relating to men in some quirky, offbeat way (as you can see from the 'puppy dog' analogy here). haha


How do I grab life by the balls, calichick?

As for giving off the impression of a hit-it-and-quit-it female... maybe you could enlighten me a bit there. The words people most commonly use to describe me are 'sweet' and 'quiet', I am constantly told by guys that I look very innocent, and people usually think I'm much younger than 20. I would be very surprised if I give off the impression of being promiscuous. Clueless and a doormat, _that_ I can easily believe. I guess maybe that's another variety of quit-it.

IDK. The emotional connection thing is pretty possible. I think your point about SA being a barrier is a very good one... that's definitely been an issue for me, because I get so shy that it's hard to show my personality. Sometimes I've managed to get past that but other times, nah. Some guys have been people I could talk about all kinds of weighty topics with and really make them laugh and so on, others I've never been able to open up and have totally frozen deer-in-headlights when confronted with their friends. The shyness is definitely a big issue. I take a while to be able to come out of my shell around somebody and most people don't wait to find out. I'm really making leaps and bounds with my SA recently, but it's still hard because I'm still so shy.

What controlled environment did you practice in?


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> I think that everyone is drawn on at least a subconscious level to the type that compliments their needs. I just do it a little more aggressively since I'm very attune to my heart's desires.
> 
> That's why we always hear about these women crying over bad boy types and constantly getting their heart broken and asking themselves why they go after the same type of man over and over again when they know that most of the time, it will always end up the same way.
> 
> They like to have someone overpower them to offset their weak-mindedness (not being offensive but truthful). It's the bad boy type who can usually provide them with the domineering influence they need in their lives.












Eheheheh. I can't say anything.


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> Just saw your edit. I would be very open to a strong-willed woman, but because she would be a challenge,and not because I would like to be her "puppy dog".





BHL 20 said:


> My personality type. Well, I consider one of my key traits to be argumentative. Nice, smiley, friendly conversations are nice, but ultimately boring. Nothing feeds me like the tension of disagreement.
> 
> I'd say another thing about me is that I have strong principles concerning everything. What else: open-mindedness; hatred of cliche, platitude, etc. ; tend to be very analytic about everything.
> 
> IDK, I don't take personality tests. This is just my semi-professional opinion.


In sum, you're an introvert who thinks too much. Am I right or am I right? 

PS Myers Briggs test if you haven't taken it already

My question for you is, do you consider YOURSELF to be strong-willed and assertive? I am not referring to controversial discussions on topics like religion or politics (because let's be honest, who really likes boring, conventional people anyways) but in every day matters and decisions. i.e. DO YOU WEAR THE PANTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

I find it hard to believe two people can happily coincide in a relationship if they can't offer each other complimentary traits to offset one another and two extremely strong-willed people will be at each other's throats all the time...

Which may just offer an interesting sexual foreplay scenario LOL But how practical is it long-term?


----------



## calichick

ToeSnails said:


> THIS THIS THIS!
> 
> It's exactly what a lot of people here don't quite understand. It all goes back to the "be yourself"-saying, and people are afraid of it! They despise that saying all the way to hell, and yet it's the only reasonable way of achieving peace of mind, as you don't have to constantly worry about what you *should* be doing, and instead focus on *being*.


Sometimes they just aren't really sure of what they need due to all these societal expectations or lack of self-awareness which is common at a young age, but they eventually figure it out through trial and error, break-ups and divorce.

That's why when I say I prefer weak-minded men, it's really not an offensive thing, some men just _need_ that because they themselves are seeking what they lack.

The most important thing is just to figure out what you need and look beneath the surface.

I know that a lot of people here have trouble with delving beyond the superficial (the external facade of outward appearance)), but there's really more to life than a physical connection.

If we could assess someone's personality as easily as we find a physical connection, life would be so much easier.

On that note, I think I've become pretty ace at reading men in a nutshell. Women on the other hand can sometimes be crazy *****es so hats off to you guys who need to deal with us :teeth


----------



## calichick

Women have these hormonal cycles and sometimes take these things called birth control pills that at times complicate their natural hormonal cycles even further, throwing off all levelheadedness and sense of stability.

I'm scared FOR the lot of you. :hide

If men had the same highs and lows, I would probably be singing to a different tune...

It's funny how we can react differently to things depending on the time of month. hahaha

It's sad because it's true :lol


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> In sum, you're an introvert who thinks too much. Am I right or am I right?


Kind of. :? Only cause you're making me.



calichick said:


> My question for you is, do you consider YOURSELF to be strong-willed and assertive? I am not referring to controversial discussions on topics like religion or politics (because let's be honest, who really likes boring, conventional people anyways) but in every day matters and decisions. i.e. DO YOU WEAR THE PANTS IN THE RELATIONSHIP?


The woman might just have the upper hand for a while because of my SA. :um But if after the initial stage I did not become dominant, I wouldn't be myself. :yes The only thing I can think of that will make me submit to another person willfully is if I think they are more knowledgeable than me in some area of life and they're willing to teach me.



calichick said:


> I find it hard to believe two people can happily coincide in a relationship if they can't offer each other complimentary traits to offset one another and two extremely strong-willed people will be at each other's throats all the time...


Why? If they really like each other they can :idea compromise. And yes, I know it would be hard.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> How do I grab life by the balls, calichick?
> 
> As for giving off the impression of a hit-it-and-quit-it female... maybe you could enlighten me a bit there. The words people most commonly use to describe me are 'sweet' and 'quiet', I am constantly told by guys that I look very innocent, and people usually think I'm much younger than 20. I would be very surprised if I give off the impression of being promiscuous. Clueless and a doormat, _that_ I can easily believe. I guess maybe that's another variety of quit-it.
> 
> IDK. The emotional connection thing is pretty possible. I think your point about SA being a barrier is a very good one... that's definitely been an issue for me, because I get so shy that it's hard to show my personality. Sometimes I've managed to get past that but other times, nah. Some guys have been people I could talk about all kinds of weighty topics with and really make them laugh and so on, others I've never been able to open up and have totally frozen deer-in-headlights when confronted with their friends. The shyness is definitely a big issue. I take a while to be able to come out of my shell around somebody and most people don't wait to find out. I'm really making leaps and bounds with my SA recently, but it's still hard because I'm still so shy.
> 
> What controlled environment did you practice in?


I'll come back to this later dear sweet lisbeth, maybe one of the guys here can provide insight

It's a whole other topic, story-of-my-life, got to run now, nice chatting with the lot of you, I'm surprised to have such a levelheaded conversation on SAS, not possible!



BHL 20 said:


> Kind of. :? Only cause you're making me.


damn straight, that's what I like to hear :lol


----------



## seeking777

BHL 20 said:


> I have never bought into the idea of "opposites attract". Whether looking for a normal friend or a girlfriend, I think that the more personality traits we have in common the better.
> 
> :sus Wouldn't things get boring without some resistance or friction from the other person? I really can't relate, unless of course SA has stolen all the control you have, over other areas of your life.


Regarding calichick's point, although I don't personally relate to her preferences, I understand what she is saying. Compatibility encompasses not only shared interests and values but also what type of temperament and personality agrees with your own. Also which type attracts you. Each person for whatever reason is attracted to and/or complimented by a certain temperament and personality. She's saying men who are on the weaker side or are intimidated by her are what she's attracted to and it works for her. And there _are_ guys who _love_ a woman who intimidates, controls or scares them a little.

As for me I've noticed that I am more comfortable with men who share my introverted nature. I think they would be a little more sympathetic to my social struggles and at least understand my need for solitude at times. I also find myself attracted to older dudes as well, like 5-12 years older. I suppose I find it easier to talk to them then guys my age. And I feel safer with them for some reason too. *shrug* When I tried online dating, most of the guys who contacted me were older than me. go figure.


----------



## ToeSnails

calichick said:


> *Sometimes they just aren't really sure of what they need due to all these societal expectations or lack of self-awareness which is common at a young age, but they eventually figure it out through trial and error, break-ups and divorce.
> 
> That's why when I say I prefer weak-minded men*
> 
> *The most important thing is just to figure out what you need and look beneath the surface.
> 
> I know that a lot of people here have trouble with delving beyond the superficial (the external facade of outward appearance)), but there's really more to life than a physical connection.*


So you enjoy being the medicine to their cough. That's interesting and somewhat unusual. However, you won't be satisfied long term in such an arrangement as you're not the one benefiting from the relationship.

1st/2nd bold - I recall you saying you only ended up with men way older than you, in a post some time ago. How is this connected with you liking "weak-minded" men who tend to be young? Your history goes against your statement of liking weak minded men, no?

3rd/4th bold - Again I recall statements being written, listing your strict physical requirements in a partner. They have to be "at your level", and anything less than that is a no-go.
Unless your mentality shifted or you were trolling back then, then your entire mentality has changed. Perhaps you experienced something while you were away from SAS? (or I just didn't see your username around)


----------



## komorikun

The men on this forum sure do love calichick.


----------



## lisbeth

komorikun said:


> The men on this forum sure do love calichick.


I love calichick.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick is hawt, no questions


----------



## andy1984

komorikun said:


> The men on this forum sure do love calichick.


lol not all of us!

why am i in this thread?


----------



## calichick

komorikun said:


> The men on this forum sure do love calichick.


You mean to say I'm considered popular on an online forum?

Well slap me silly and call me Suzy, my life purpose is complete and I can die happy.


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> Why? If they really like each other they can :idea compromise. And yes, I know it would be hard.


As an assertive person herself, the thought of a dominant man and a dominant woman in a relationship makes me cringe. It might be fine with 2 mild manner folk like Seeking777 said (but they have to beware of avoidant tendencies in resolving conflict. Two really non confrontational personality types might make it difficult to initiate communication when there's a disagreement) They could find a happy medium in life decisions.

But the men in my life who I consider dominant make me want to VOMIT. I can't even stand being in the same room with them for more than 10 minutes.

They treat their submissive wives like trash because it's their way or the highway, and it's perfectly fine for their relationships because it works. The wives are not independent thinkers and thrive off that type of power. The husbands are the sole decision makers in the relationship and their wives have very little power to assert themselves into the equation.

I can't do that s***. I have too large of an ego and too strong of a mind to let a man have the upper hand...

Have any of you known 2 really dominant personality types in a relationship anywho?

I have not.


----------



## calichick

ToeSnails said:


> However, you won't be satisfied long term in such an arrangement as* you're not the one benefiting from the relationship.*


How did you arrive at that conclusion? It's the complete opposite.



> 1st/2nd bold - I* recall you saying you only ended up with men way older than you, in a post some time ago.* How is this connected with you liking "weak-minded" men who tend to be young? Your history goes against your statement of liking weak minded men, no?
> 
> 3rd/4th bold -* Again I recall statements being written, listing your strict physical requirements in a partner. They have to be "at your level", and anything less than that is a no-go.*
> Unless your mentality shifted or you were trolling back then, then your entire mentality has changed. Perhaps you experienced something while you were away from SAS? (or I just didn't see your username around)












hahahaha I'm dying right now. I don't believe we've met before? Hi, how are you, how do you know all this stuff? :sus

The two bolded parts are correct.

I did go through a period of about 4 unenlightened years where I specifically sought out older guys everywhere I could. Hell I even lost my virginity to a guy who was 15 years my senior. I dated men nearly 40 before I turned 20. This supports EXACTLY what I was saying earlier about people doing what is "expected" of them (I mean, I do base everything I say on here on my own experiences in life) and having ridiculously false notions of what it is they need, and in that case, it was money/power/status which is what allured me. Not realistic expectations based on my own needs.

More particularly though, one of my best friends was the ultimate golddigger so being in that 18-year old state of mind, well, put quite simply, I was dumb and naive. It's kind of like when you're friend has that new pair of shoes that costs way too much but you go out and buy the exact same pair. You want what you can't have.

And the list of physical requirements, that still holds true to a T. How exactly does that contradict any of my points? I place as much equal emphasis on physical attraction than I do emotional chemistry. One can't coexist without the other.

No my dear, that list is still very,_ very _much alive and well :lol

And you're right about my mentality shifting while I've been a member here, I mean it's probably why I will never close down my account because this board has been with me through thick and thin. I think a lot has happened since I first joined, hell probably in 2010 I wasn't keen on dating, much less acknowledging non-white people? Um....yea, BIG changes.


----------



## calichick

on the topic of university, I was going to say to Lisbeth that the "controlled" environment which really allowed me to build up my confidence and social skills was my first job out of college...I mentioned it in a topic, it was a very intimate setting and without going into too much details, a small company which was really like a nest to blossom from.

I'm guessing Lisbeth that your university is 1000+ students?

Yea....long way to go. University or school formats in general (especially the larger ones) are so not the best places to grow out of your anxiety or expect suddenly to transform overnight. In fact, they probably exasperate the problem even more because of the multitude of people and the expectations which are placed on you, and the stress which you're under.

Joining a group at uni or an organization on the other hand would have been my way to develop those skills. For me, it's small group settings that allow me to thrive and build up more confidence in turn allowing me to interact more comfortably with men AND women. 

I don't know if you've ever had a job before either? But those "FORCED" social situations (especially when they're among smaller groups of people) are also a great way to build relationships with men. Or so I've found...........


Just make sure it's not the boss.

heh.


----------



## Sacrieur

Yes because every alpha male confrontational type hits his wife and beats his children.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> calichick's personality is hawt, no questions


Fixed?

dear no...all of this you see, THIS, is based on nothing but my mind.

The way God and nature intended it to be.


----------



## Znuffle

You can always test your skills on me.. I'll make sure to tell you what works a lot..
Sure.. It's not like in real life but.. It's a start.. 
Sorda getting the standard conversations going and then after standard boring stuff maybe ask about other more interesting.

Skype: Christof4720

Tho as you say I do know what I seek and what would make me really really turned on by a girl talking to me. But I'm not like other guys so my example of what you should do is abnormal. Which might be a good thing in the end


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> Yes because every alpha male confrontational type hits his wife and beats his children.


Hey Sac, how's it going buddy, sweetie, love muffin?

You crack me up all the time....Point to where I said anything whatsoever about physical abuse or even emotional abuse or even confrontation ? ?

*Dominant* personalities are assertive personalities. My way or the highway, I make the decisions, I wear the pants in the relationship.


----------



## Sacrieur

calichick said:


> Hey Sac, how's it going buddy, sweetie, love muffin?
> 
> You crack me up all the time....Point to where I said anything whatsoever about physical abuse or even emotional abuse or even confrontation ? ?
> 
> *Dominant* personalities are assertive personalities. My way or the highway, I make the decisions, I wear the pants in the relationship.


Why can't we both wear pants?


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur always thinks he's right and I always think I'm right.

I hate to break it to you buddy, but we're incompatible. At least online that is LOL



your dreams have just been squashed...:lol


----------



## Sacrieur

calichick said:


> Sacrieur always thinks he's right and I always think I'm right.
> 
> I hate to break it to you buddy, but we're incompatible. At least online that is LOL
> 
> your dreams have just been squashed...


Oh don't worry I'm not coming onto you. I know you'd like to think that, but you're just not bloodthirsty enough.


----------



## calichick

Znuffle said:


> You can always test your skills on me.. I'll make sure to tell you what works a lot..
> Sure.. It's not like in real life but.. It's a start..
> Sorda getting the standard conversations going and then after standard boring stuff maybe ask about other more interesting.
> 
> Skype: Christof4720
> 
> Tho as you say I do know what I seek and what would make me really really turned on by a girl talking to me. But I'm not like other guys so my example of what you should do is abnormal. Which might be a good thing in the end


Sweetie, private messaging her may be the better option.

We all don't need to know your skype handle.

This isn't an SAS hook-up thread.


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> Oh don't worry I'm not coming onto you. I know you'd like to think that, but you're just not bloodthirsty enough.


I've got most of the people on this board pinpointed by A) personality type, B) motive for being here and C) shortcomings.

You, my friend, get my label as the 'Scientist'.

You use your technical knowledge of various subjects (a few that I can recall, although most of the time I've been right in every discussion) to assert your personality and maybe falsify some impression of Alphaness that is wavering at its core?

Did I get it right?   

I joke. C'mon now :lol


----------



## calichick

P.S. if anyone didn't pick up on it, every time I say "I joke"

I'm not joking.

oh lordy....sweet dreams SAS'ers...


----------



## blacknight112

@calichick Did you take any psych courses in college?


----------



## calichick

blacknight112 said:


> @calichick Did you take any psych courses in college?


No, not one. I'm introverted, constantly in my head, constantly observing people, their intentions, why they are the way they are, how their life experiences shaped their perspective and outlook on life.

Yes, there are introverted alphas.

We lurk in the shadows and pop out at unsuspecting passerby's. Seriously, we do.


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> If men had the same highs and lows, I would probably be singing to a different tune...


Which makes it even more ironic that the women on SAS are on average 10 times more pessimistic about finding a mate than the men are.

Typical Male Attitude: "I might be a twenty-odd year old with no experience with woman, put in the back of my mind I know if I work on my skills enough I may still one day hook up with a model."

Typical Female Attitude: "I have guys all over me, but I'm sure I'll never find the right one."


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> As an assertive person herself, the thought of a dominant man and a dominant woman in a relationship makes me cringe. It might be fine with 2 mild manner folk like Seeking777 said (but they have to beware of avoidant tendencies in resolving conflict. Two really non confrontational personality types might make it difficult to initiate communication when there's a disagreement) They could find a happy medium in life decisions.


You make the point that two non confrontational personalities will find it difficult to resolve conflict. However, half of that problem will still be there in your ideal situation. The "weaker" person will not always agree with everything, and when they don't, their discontentment will often make itself manifest in passive ways. The problem would still be there just less obvious.



Sacrieur said:


> Yes because every alpha male confrontational type hits his wife and beats his children.


+1


----------



## ToeSnails

calichick said:


> How did you arrive at that conclusion? It's the complete opposite.


Long term problems:
- You want a man, who is practically a dog in training. How long do you think he will remain that? I don't think you really want a man whose spine has the consistency of a wet noodle. 
- Why? He will become an extension of your will. He will not be a source of emotional friction - quite the opposite. In the short term it will go along just fine - you're all good together. When the initial infatuation dissapears, the lack of friction will result in extreme passiveness by the man. He will just go along with whatever you want. That's fine, but boring - because too much of the same, all the time, always gets boring. He will agree with you on everything. He will do anything you want - except being the very friction you will begin to desire.



calichick said:


> hahahaha I'm dying right now. I don't believe we've met before? Hi, how are you, how do you know all this stuff?


I observe and read people. Your mentality intrigued me some time ago, being the passive agressive manipulative introvert that I assume you are, I found it to be an interesting combination. Take that as a compliment.



calichick said:


> And the list of physical requirements, that still holds true to a T. How exactly does that contradict any of my points? I place as much equal emphasis on physical attraction than I do emotional chemistry. One can't coexist without the other.


You say that, and yet I recall you, in the past, phrasing your statements in such a way that your physical requirements overrule the emotional connection. You put yourself on such a high pedestal, that the men whose physical attributes are on the same level as yours, are very few and long apart. Chances of you finding a mate "up to your standards" of physique AND emotional compatibility, will eventually, and realistically possibly, result in your own demise. That's not because you want your men to be "so, so, so hot", but rather it's because you don't want to live with a compromise. 
And that's fine - you have high standards. But when those standards come to such a level, where only 5 in 1000 men qualify physically, how many of these men do you think do think will compliment you on an emotional level?



calichick said:


> And you're right about my mentality shifting while I've been a member here, I mean it's probably why I will never close down my account because this board has been with me through thick and thin. I think a lot has happened since I first joined, hell probably in 2010 I wasn't keen on dating, much less acknowledging non-white people? Um....yea, BIG changes.


Agree - one should never stop growing.

I base these conclusions on very little information.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I think that everyone is drawn on at least a subconscious level to the type that compliments their needs. I just do it a little more aggressively since I'm very attune to my heart's desires.


Its about balance.. I like strong women, but not to a fault. I like a woman who knows what she wants, and likes to take the lead when the opportunity is right, but a woman who stomps all over you or emasculates you in public all the time will drive any guy away. She has to know when to be forceful and when to just be supportive. It sounds like you probably know what you're doing more than most.

:whip


----------



## watermelonn

Nothing~~~

In order to keep the type of guys I like (social, good looking, funny, educated, older than me, list would go on and on) I should create a social life out of nothing and practise more social skills. 

I feel as if my looks and personality aren't matching and that attracts the type of guys to me that are seeking short term fun rather than long term relationships.


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> +1


What are you +1ing?

He was saying something that I never said.

But I wouldn't expect you to understand that. Just the way the cookie crumbles.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> As an assertive person herself, the thought of a dominant man and a dominant woman in a relationship makes me cringe. It might be fine with 2 mild manner folk like Seeking777 said (but they have to beware of avoidant tendencies in resolving conflict. Two really non confrontational personality types might make it difficult to initiate communication when there's a disagreement) They could find a happy medium in life decisions.
> 
> But the men in my life who I consider dominant make me want to VOMIT. I can't even stand being in the same room with them for more than 10 minutes.
> 
> They treat their submissive wives like trash because it's their way or the highway, and it's perfectly fine for their relationships because it works. The wives are not independent thinkers and thrive off that type of power. The husbands are the sole decision makers in the relationship and their wives have very little power to assert themselves into the equation.
> 
> I can't do that s***. I have too large of an ego and too strong of a mind to let a man have the upper hand...
> 
> Have any of you known 2 really dominant personality types in a relationship anywho?
> 
> I have not.


You sound a lot like my fiancée.. she had a dominant type personality, her ex did as well which is why they got divorced. I put up with her for a lot of years but I've always been kind of irritated with her because she doesn't let you decide things together, it is always her way or "we should break up".. It gets old after a while. She was a tiger in the sack though.


----------



## BHL 20

"treat their submissive wives like trash" strongly implies an abusive relationship.


----------



## calichick

KOD hopefully you don't fall into that same pattern of picking those kinds of women then.

People sure do have a way of falling down the same hole. Thankfully for me, my type of guy couldn't cause much damage :lol


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> "treat their submissive wives like trash" strongly implies an abusive relationship.


And I specifically said "because it's their way or the highway."

That IS treating a woman like trash. That is no respect and I would sooner dump his a**


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> And I specifically said "because it's their way or the highway."
> 
> That IS treating a woman like trash. That is no respect and I would sooner dump his a**


Fine. You win.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> KOD hopefully you don't fall into that same pattern of picking those kinds of women then.
> 
> People sure do have a way of falling down the same hole. Thankfully for me, my type of guy couldn't cause much damage :lol


I like a woman who knows what she wants, but I'm not going to be in the same financial/mental position next time to just let her pick everything.


----------



## calichick

ToeSnails said:


> Long term problems:
> - You want a man, who is practically a dog in training. How long do you think he will remain that?


You know, I really thought about this for a long time, and I'm trying to see what you guys are getting at but I just don't see what's not to like.

-he worships you
-he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body
-he treats others around you with respect
-I get to be in control
-and did I mention he worships you?

Does that look like it gets boring? Even for a second?

I mean I was dragging around boys in Kindergarten and grade school. If you know my posts as well as you say you do, this would not come as a surprise.



> I observe and read people. Your mentality intrigued me some time ago, being the passive agressive manipulative introvert that I assume you are, I found it to be an interesting combination. Take that as a compliment.


Lurker...



> You say that, and yet I recall you, in the past, phrasing your statements in such a way that your physical requirements overrule the emotional connection. You put yourself on such a high pedestal, that the men whose physical attributes are on the same level as yours, are very few and long apart. Chances of you finding a mate "up to your standards" of physique AND emotional compatibility, will eventually, and realistically possibly, result in your own demise. That's not because you want your men to be "so, so, so hot", but rather it's because you don't want to live with a compromise.


No...it's not that hard, I found a few over the past 2 years.

My physical standards are really not THAT complicated. I mean, it may seem exorbitant on paper but it's pretty much 3 out of every 10 guys which isn't reaching too far.



> And that's fine - you have high standards. But when those standards come to such a level, where only 5 in 1000 men qualify physically, how many of these men do you think do think will compliment you on an emotional level?


Again, standards not that high 3 out of every 10.
I may complain a LOT about there not being any attractive men where I live but that's just because I don't do the night scene when I'm sure a lot of them emerge from their dens :lol


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> You know, I really thought about this for a long time, and I'm trying to see what you guys are getting at but I just don't see what's not to like.
> 
> -he worships you
> -he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body
> -he treats others around you with respect
> -I get to be in control
> -and did I mention he worships you?
> 
> Does that looks like it gets boring? Even for a second?
> 
> I mean I was dragging around boys in Kindergarten and grade school. If you know my posts as well as you say you do, this would not come as a surprise.
> 
> Lurker...
> 
> No...it's not that hard, I found a few over the past 2 years.
> 
> My physical standards are really not THAT complicated. I mean, it may seem exorbitant on paper but it's pretty much 3 out of every 10 guys which isn't reaching too far.
> 
> Again, standards not that high 3 out of every 10.
> I may complain a LOT about there not being any attractive men where I live but that's just because I don't do the night scene when I'm sure a lot of them emerge from their dens :lol


So how much say do they get with you, or are they basically just pets?


----------



## Waifu

calichick said:


> You know, I really thought about this for a long time, and I'm trying to see what you guys are getting at but I just don't see what's not to like.
> 
> -he worships you
> -he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body
> -he treats others around you with respect
> -I get to be in control
> -and did I mention he worships you?
> 
> Does that looks like it gets boring? Even for a second?


You make a very compelling argument.


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> You make the point that two non confrontational personalities will find it difficult to resolve conflict. However, half of that problem will still be there in your ideal situation. The "weaker" person will not always agree with everything, and when they don't, their discontentment will often make itself manifest in passive ways. The problem would still be there just less obvious.


You know that's a good point because I've known a few very strong-willed alpha females run their course with men who had had enough. And yes, we can be overbearing at times and it takes a very subservient man to put up with that but I only learn from mistakes of older generations and being an introvert I have a very strong intuition and sense of where things are going. I myself am passive-aggressive but I just wield that to my control. It's not like I'm reckless and unrelenting.

I am very keen at picking up in even the most ambiguous of signals. I think any good introvert is master at that, but I've spent my life reading men and understanding their quirks and their limits. Manipulation to put it lightly is a very fine art of female destruction :lol


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Fixed?
> 
> dear no...all of this you see, THIS, is based on nothing but my mind.
> 
> The way God and nature intended it to be.


That's what I really meant to say--I was using a different context jokingly. I barely ever see any good in highly conceited people much like yourself, especially in egotistical guys who I can't stand even more so, but you seem to be different. I think in your case, you have self qualities to back up your pretentious attitude; you seem intelligent/insightful first off, and most especially you have a peculiar way of keeping yourself level-headed. Which is why I like your personality.

I like the domineering, assertive attitude in women, that you tend to portray so well. Hopefully one of these days I can find a girl of your type except probably someone who is a bit less extreme in a sense than you are. A balance between this and a good enough level of compassion would likely be most favorable to me.

How old are you? Just curious. And I didn't mean to say all of this with the intent of boosting your ego btw, just because I like it doesn't necessarily mean it's an amazing personality type. You have your flaws as like everyone else.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> So how much say do they get with you, or are they basically just pets?


No...I'm not that bad...yet.

30%/70%

My mother did propose to my father. It's just my destiny :lol

Who are you by the way...stop changing your usernames already


----------



## calichick

I beat up a boy when I was 2...

That little sucker had it coming trying to take my toys


----------



## calichick

I know all of you really just want an alpha female of your own to dominate you.

Don't you worry, there are PLENTY of us roaming the streets in our 4 inch stilettos and Italian leather looking like completely normal human beings but waiting to pounce.

Watch your back...


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> Don't you worry, there are PLENTY of us roaming the streets in our 4 inch stilettos and Italian leather looking like completely normal human beings but waiting to pounce.


The only reason you perceive yourself as macho for dominating men is because it's unusual. There is no fuss over dominant men because it's common for men to be dominant.

If there were many women like you, sure, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. So, I think it's quite unfair for you to be getting everyone's hopes up.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> That's what I really meant to say--I was using a different context jokingly. I barely ever see any good in highly conceited people much like yourself, especially in egotistical guys who I can't stand even more so, but you seem to be different. I think in your case, you have self qualities to back up your pretentious attitude; you seem intelligent/insightful first off, and most especially you have a peculiar way of keeping yourself level-headed. Which is why I like your personality.
> 
> I like the domineering, assertive attitude in women, that you tend to portray so well. Hopefully one of these days I can find a girl of your type except probably someone who is a bit less extreme in a sense than you are. A balance between this and a good enough level of compassion would likely be most favorable to me.
> 
> How old are you? Just curious. And I didn't mean to say all of this with the intent of boosting your ego btw, just because I like it doesn't necessarily mean it's an amazing personality type. You have your flaws as like everyone else.


Aw that was sweet :blush

But I must say, this is me pouring the innards of my guilty conscience out.

See the thing about women like me is we DO seen perfectly normal at first. Even dare I say submissive. It's all pretty much a part of how we go after and lure in men.

Understanding the psychological mechanisms of the human mind is really a dangerous weapon to have. I'm fascinated by neurology, biological evolution, everything that goes into making a man act and react.

I'm approaching 24 so near Cougarhood.

P.S if any older folk know a way out of this quarter life crisis dilemma I'm all ears because that's the next stage of my life I just can't find a way out of!


----------



## calichick

BHL 20 said:


> The only reason you perceive yourself as macho for dominating men is because it's unusual. There is no fuss over dominant men because it's common for men to be dominant.
> 
> If there were many women like you, sure, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. So, I think it's quite unfair for you to be getting everyone's hopes up.


....so you admit it then. You are looking for an alpha female.

In the words if BHL 3 pages back, "If I wasn't dominant at first, I would be later on." Or something to that effect.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Cerberus said:


> I'm displaying the goods to get a boy, but no one is hitting on me! I wish people wouldn't treat me like I'm a hag.


I thought you were a girl at first but people have said you're not.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

What's with this "alpha" labeling all of the time. I don't believe in that categorical non-sense. Everyone has their own distinct personality and by no means is one better than the other, which is what I think the term "alpha" is implying.


----------



## Cerberus

Bert Reynolds said:


> I thought you were a girl at first but people have said you're not.


No. Just cynically and obviously farming for views. I'm somewhat surprised I've fooled anyone. I figured people would just laugh at the obviousness of it.


----------



## BHL 20

calichick said:


> ....so you admit it then. You are looking for an alpha female.
> 
> In the words if BHL 3 pages back, "If I wasn't dominant at first, I would be later on." Or something to that effect.


I have already answered that question. I would have nothing against a so-called "alpha" female but I wouldn't let her have her way.

Cripes, I really think this thread is going off-topic - it's just becoming an ego feast for calichick.


----------



## calichick

Depression weakens the mind C.

You're basically talking to people on here who have lost most of their will-power but hey whatever floats your boat.

Hint: physical exercise is the first step towards conquering your demons.


----------



## Cerberus

calichick said:


> Depression weakens the mind C.
> 
> You're basically talking to people on here who have lost most of their will-power but hey whatever floats your boat.
> 
> Hint: physical exercise is the first step towards conquering your demons.


Yes. I definitely need to start exercising again. You're right about that.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> What's with this "alpha" labeling all of the time. I don't believe in that categorical non-sense. Everyone has their own distinct personality and by no means is one better than the other, which is what I think the term "alpha" is implying.


It stems from the wolf pack lingo.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> No...I'm not that bad...yet.
> 
> 30%/70%
> 
> My mother did propose to my father. It's just my destiny :lol
> 
> Who are you by the way...stop changing your usernames already


I'm me, who else would I be? Sounds like a good ratio btw, I've lived with worse.


----------



## gunner21

Waifu said:


> The chase is the best part. I like to give guys hope and enjoy their attention as they try to convince me to like them.


Cruel. I hate when girls do that.



BHL 20 said:


> My personality type. *Well, I consider one of my key traits to be argumentative*. Nice, smiley, friendly conversations are nice, but ultimately boring. Nothing feeds me like the tension of disagreement.
> 
> I'd say another thing about me is that I have strong principles concerning everything. What else: *open-mindedness*; hatred of cliche, platitude, etc. ; tend to be very analytic about everything.
> 
> IDK, I don't take personality tests. This is just my semi-professional opinion.


Sounds contradictory.



komorikun said:


> The men on this forum sure do love calichick.


I'm convinced he's a man.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> I'm convinced he's a man.


You haven't been a member here long enough to know much about me so I don't blame you.

But hey, whatever gets you sleeping at night, I'm not one to judge.


----------



## calichick

All this calichick hate from men who don't even care to contribute to the topic at hand.

This isn't the random thought of the day thread Lol

Bring your animosity elsewhere.

As of now, I've written 4 beautifully laced pages and prime demonstration on how in fact to

_Catch a man._

I hope ladies/lisbeth that you learned something loooool


----------



## BHL 20

gunner21 said:


> Sounds contradictory.


What's the point of arguing if you're closed-minded? Then the only person that stands to benefit from the argument is the other person!


----------



## calichick

The D is a very mystical thing for us ladies.

It represents almost the "control center" of the male gender as opposed to the brain which controls lesser bodily functions.

I'm speaking for a few women when I say this, but we aim to please the D largely moreso than anything else. It pretty much governs the truth which lies therein and that is our future babies.

Other than that, I don't know if anyone just likes the D for being what it is.

:blank

The head doctor is out.


----------



## Waifu

D expert!  :lol


----------



## minimized

How to get the D.

Ah, the mysteries of the universe.


----------



## Waifu

minimized said:


> How to get the D.
> 
> Ah, the mysteries of the universe.


It's damn near impossible.


----------



## minimized

Waifu said:


> It's damn near impossible.


Unfortunately I'd bet I'd have a much easier time than going the other way.

FML.


----------



## calichick

^ LOL I just died.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Staff Edit


No, I don't have huge boobs lol.

I'm a skinny little model b****, same exact body as Rosie Huntington Whitely (I think that some people can vouch for that comparison here??)










We need them push up bras to make the girls be seen :lol


----------



## calichick

Btw, Shia- I would.

Little men are kind of doing it for me lately. Oddly enough


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Btw, Shia- I would.
> 
> Little men are kind of doing it for me lately. Oddly enough


It's alright, I'm not a breast feen anyhow. I like a fit a** and thighs much more.


----------



## minimized

calichick said:


> ^ LOL I just died.
> 
> I hear that a lot around these parts I think it was Picklenose who said he was straight but opted for D since it was easier to get
> 
> My expression =:blank
> 
> The extreme consequences of SA.


Not that I want to associate with him at the moment, but I'm not making it up, of course.

Yeah, extreme SA... more than his grumpy ***.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Shia lebeouf appears to be a di** though.


----------



## redstar312

This has become one of the best threads in SAS history.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

Rosie Huntington Whitely is too skinny. You girls don't have to be that skinny; it's counter-intuitive. Add some more meat and do some crunch exercises. Curvy-fit is much much better imo.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Shia lebeouf appears to be a di** though.


That's kind of what does it for me though lol

These guys usually try to inflate themselves to try to compensate for their (short)comings.

He's got charisma.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Rosie Huntington Whitely is too skinny. You girls don't have to be that skinny; it's counter-intuitive. Add some more meat and do some crunch exercises. Curvy-fit is much much better imo.


Don't listen to him ayayay

I never listen to a man's opinion on anything and have come pretty far.

I used to be 10 pounds heavier, dropped that weight with exercise and better diet and men loooooooove me skinny.

I dunno, I've received no complaints. Who turns down Barbie anyhow, most girls kill for that physique.

Learn to love yourself, the confidence shines far. Some of us chickies are naturally thin.

I'm not hating it.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Don't listen to him ayayay
> 
> I never listen to a man's opinion on anything and have come pretty far.
> 
> I used to be 10 pounds heavier, dropped that weight with exercise and better diet and men loooooooove me skinny.
> 
> I dunno, I've received no complaints. Who turns down Barbie anyhow, most girls kill for that physique.
> 
> Learn to love yourself, the confidence shines far.


No calichick, no! Gain some weight/add some curves. Exercise is more important than diet..it brings on shape. A girl who eats what she wants but exercises a ton is ideal.


----------



## calichick

Rosie has a nice shape. She's nowhere as skinny as Megan, Olivia or Hayden combined.


Not being biased or anything *-*


Excuse me while I go fan my ego off :lol :teeth


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> No, I don't have huge boobs lol.
> 
> I'm a skinny little model b****, same exact body as Rosie Huntington Whitely (I think that some people can vouch for that comparison here??)
> 
> We need them push up bras to make the girls be seen :lol


Hot damn


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> No calichick, no! Gain some weight/add some curves. Exercise is more important than diet..it brings on shape. A girl who eats what she wants but exercises a ton is ideal.


I DO EXERCISE BABE!

You joking?

I may not be a big booty b**** but I'm toned, flat tummy, 38" inch hips nice high bum.

Don't you worry bout this calichick in that department. I actually cut back a lot of my workout routine because I was losing too much weight.


----------



## gunner21

Bert Reynolds said:


> Shia lebeouf appears to be a di** though.


He is a big d***. One of the douchiest actors around.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Rosie has a nice shape. She's nowhere as skinny as Megan, Olivia or Hayden combined.
> 
> Not being biased or anything *-*
> 
> Excuse me while I go fan my ego off :lol :teeth


Then you're only pleasing a small portion of guys when you can be pleasing a larger portion who are fine with a heavier figure. Less effort for you on top of it.


----------



## calichick

What's with all the body type obsession anyway. Everyone knows it's in the face.


Anyhow you don't have to lecture me on the principles of physical appearance. Think I got that one adequately covered.

My personality is a bit questionable though. :afr


----------



## crimeclub

Bert Reynolds said:


> Then you're only pleasing a small portion of guys when you can be pleasing a larger portion who are fine with a heavier figure. Less effort for you on top of it.


I don't think she's interested in a large portion of men.

Anyway glad to see one of my favorite threads is active again, always a good time on this one lol


----------



## Cerberus

calichick said:


> I think he missed the past 5 pages where I said I prefer pushovers...
> 
> That was pretty much what we were talking about from pages 17-20, detailing beta male exploitation.
> 
> Also @Dissonance this is a controversial discussion subforum.
> 
> If you don't want to talk about the D, you may be in the wrong place. Love the avatar by the way, very ominous


Isn't cuckolding beta males part of that exploitation? Please tell me it is. I fantasize about such things.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Then you're only pleasing a small portion of guys when you can be pleasing a larger portion who are fine with a heavier figure. Less effort for you on top of it.


well this is a first...someone on SAS is actually schooling me on how to pull more men.

I don't know how you define small/large portion of the population but I do just fine, black, white, latin, asian, tall, short, fat, skinny, young, old, middle aged, married, single, poor, rich, etc etc

Exactly how much more of the population do you want me to cover?


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I don't think she's interested in a large portion of men


You would have to define large portion. I'm satisfied with what I get right now.

I don't think my V is up for that amount of D.

:afr


----------



## Cerberus

The title of this thread should be changed to: calichick's seminar on how to get more D for the V


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> well this is a first...someone on SAS is actually schooling me on how to pull more men.
> 
> I don't know how you define small/large portion of the population but I do just fine, black, white, latin, asian, tall, short, fat, skinny, young, old, middle aged, married, single, poor, rich, etc etc
> 
> Exactly how much more of the population do you want me to cover?


My point is.. you're over estimating what men want. I'm saying you can do just fine with black, white, latin, blah blah blah while having an extra 15+ pounds in the right areas. Cut yourself some slack along with many other girls.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Isn't cuckolding beta males part of that exploitation? Please tell me it is. I fantasize about such things.


It isn't, sorry (didn't even know what that term meant had to Google it)

I'm a one-man type of woman.

Boring, I know.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> You would have to define large portion. I'm satisfied with what I get right now.
> 
> I don't think my V is up for that amount of D.
> 
> :afr


I didn't mean frequency of d***-taking, I meant you're probably not interested in catering to the types of men who are ok with heavy-set women since you've got a pretty specific criteria in mind. If you want to get a hardbody you've got to have a hardbody.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> My point is.. you're over estimating what men want. I'm saying you can do just fine with black, white, latin, blah blah blah while having an extra 15+ pounds in the right areas. Cut yourself some slack along with many other girls.












So confused what...who...don't know...pulling me...twilight...what's happening.

I'm not really sure what the point is but I'm naturally thin. I was *intentionally* trying to put on weight earlier to appease the mindset you mentioned, and let that weight drop off.

I was influenced by garbage talk like that before*, same period when I was influenced to do the middle-aged thing.

It's better my way. I'm telling you. Without all that "trying to be someone you're not".

Cutting myself slack IS being thinner/more fit. And I pull way more like this.

I have a basis of comparison.


----------



## calichick

See the thing is, when skinny girls try to fatten up, some of that goes to the face :\

No joke, girls watch out. Watch out for your facial structure, it has a way of changing with the weight you put on (same as preggo weight)

OK wait. I see that Bert is from Jersey and it makes sense to me now.

He's not on board with the Cali girl physique now because that's not common in his area. Ok gotcha.

you got me all frazzled there for a second questioning myself and my values :lol

I'm ok.

Take this physique ANY day









Over that










Good one though


----------



## crimeclub

Like Reynolds was saying, lots of guys like a bit of curve, so ladies don't drive yourself crazy trying to look like a rail-thin model.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> So confused what...who...don't know...pulling me...twilight...what's happening.
> 
> I'm not really sure what the point is but I'm naturally thin. I was *intentionally* trying to put on weight earlier to appease the mindset you mentioned, and let that weight drop off.
> 
> I was influenced by garbage talk like that before*, same period when I was influenced to do the middle-aged thing.
> 
> It's better my way. I'm telling you. Without all that "trying to be someone you're not".
> 
> Cutting myself slack IS being thinner/more fit. And I pull way more like this.
> 
> I have a basis of comparison.


My mistake then, I assumed too much. If you're naturally skinny then nevermind. I thought you were a girl putting hard work into losing too many pounds.


----------



## crimeclub

Holy hell I'm bored, where's Barret and her adventures of dating weird men.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Holy hell I'm bored, where's Barret and her adventures of dating weird men.


I dunno but here's a tip from a vet: PM her.

$150,000 education. Priceless.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> See the thing is, when skinny girls try to fatten up, some of that goes to the face :\
> 
> No joke, girls watch out. Watch out for your facial structure, it has a way of changing with the weight you put on (same as preggo weight)
> 
> OK wait. I see that Bert is from Jersey and it makes sense to me now.
> 
> He's not on board with the Cali girl physique now because that's not common in his area. Ok gotcha.
> 
> you got me all frazzled there for a second questioning myself and my values :lol
> 
> I'm ok.
> 
> Take this physique ANY day
> Over that
> Good one though


That's not what I mean by curvy, calichick. Jersey Shore the show signifies nothing, nor do my preferences relate to it in any way. I don't have interest in both physiques at all btw.


----------



## calichick

@Bert OK then.

I'm off little lads. I think I sufficiently wasted enough time on here tonight.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> I dunno but here's a tip from a vet: PM her.
> 
> $150,000 education. Priceless.


I can't be bothered to delete PMs, most of my favorite SASers rarely show up anymore anyway. Anyway peace ladies and good luck in your acquisition of hot Ds and also good luck to the sex bench girl, I just skimmed it but it sounds awesome. 'B****-Bench' (patent pending) "Get bent!"©

Yeah my Xanax is kicking in. I'm out.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

crimeclub said:


> I can't be bothered to delete PMs, most of my favorite SASers rarely show up anymore anyway. Anyway peace ladies and good luck in your acquisition of hot Ds and also good luck to the sex bench girl, I just skimmed it but it sounds awesome. 'B****-Bench' (patent pending) "Get bent!"©
> 
> Yeah my Xanax is kicking in. I'm out.


Fyi, bench girl is a guy. I know, I was caught by surprised as well.


----------



## Rixy

Oh hey, the "boy" thread is active again.

*last 5 pages*










What the sweet BillyBongJesus is going on? I miss lurking in this thread, dagnabbit.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> See the thing is, when skinny girls try to fatten up, some of that goes to the face :\
> 
> No joke, girls watch out. Watch out for your facial structure, it has a way of changing with the weight you put on (same as preggo weight)
> 
> OK wait. I see that Bert is from Jersey and it makes sense to me now.
> 
> He's not on board with the Cali girl physique now because that's not common in his area. Ok gotcha.
> 
> you got me all frazzled there for a second questioning myself and my values :lol
> 
> I'm ok.
> 
> Take this physique ANY day
> 
> Over that
> 
> Good one though


Hot damn again lol


----------



## shyvr6

Please stay on topic. If you can't do that, then avoid this thread. Thanks.


----------



## seeking777

shyvr6 said:


> Please stay on topic. If you can't do that, then avoid this thread. Thanks.


Thank you.


----------



## skittyonsocks

This thread has turned into comparing women's bodies and men shaming the ones they don't find attractive. This isn't really the kind of help this thread is supposed to give.


----------



## calichick

I wouldn't worry about it too much skitty, some of them are just trying to break down my ego because in reality a lot of people will never meet that kind of woman. (Let's be honest now)


But I agree, my main point in being here was to divulge my dealings w/ the male species


It's a very fun world we live in where women have so much power over men with the bat of an eyelash.

I find that you can get almost anything you want if you use that power wisely and humble yourself far below what you know you are capable of.


----------



## calichick

-promotions and bonuses at work
-free food and drinks 
-entrance to the hottest places
-special treatment
-gifts of affection
-their first born (lol)

Women, the longer you withhold sex from the man, not only will you discover his true intentions, but the greater you will witness his trying efforts become.

When they are in that stage of heightened anticipation, they become let's just say very selfless.

*calitip #87*: Schematically withholding sex right up until they hit the grace period when their sense of restraint has weakened too much and they decide it's not worth it.

This grace period must be discerned before continuing too far along.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> -promotions and bonuses at work
> -free food and drinks
> -entrance to the hottest places
> -special treatment
> -gifts of affection
> -their first born (lol)
> 
> Women, the longer you withhold sex from the man, not only will you discover his true intentions, but the greater you will witness his trying efforts become.
> 
> When they are in that stage of heightened anticipation, they become let's just say very selfless.
> 
> *calitip #87*: Schematically withholding sex right up until they hit the grace period when their sense of restraint has weakened too much and they decide it's not worth it.
> 
> This grace period must be discerned before continuing too far along.


That is evil.


----------



## calichick

Cenarius said:


> That is evil.


But 100% on the money, correct?

I am not completely advocating withholding all affection, just sex.

See, for us women, it is very, very easy for us to go for months, even years and not so much as realize the loss.

But the moment upon which the act is performed, a chemical hormone is released which deequilibrizes a sense of restraint and causes us to attach, therefore relinquishing some of the control that we had prior.

So I am saying, take your time with him, reel the sucker in, and make him really _want_ it.

That is all.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> I wouldn't worry about it too much skitty, some of them are just trying to break down my ego because in reality a lot of people here will never meet that kind of woman. (Let's be honest now)


I wasn't but just as a suggestion calichick, maybe that large ego of yours _should _be broken down some. You view your strong ego as something of great value when it shouldn't be. A big ego is nothing more than a barrier to your true identity. It's a mask inside your mind that covers up all of your insecurities and self-doubts so that you aren't vulnerable and at risk of getting hurt. Yet being vulnerable and allowing yourself to get hurt only strengthens one's true character. You should try it--try to dissociate from your superficial self and reveal your mindful self. I'd be interested in knowing who the real calichick is.


----------



## mezzoforte

:lurk



skittyonsocks said:


> This thread has turned into comparing women's bodies and men shaming the ones they don't find attractive. This isn't really the kind of help this thread is supposed to give.


Exactly. :sigh
This site is starting to make me feel more insecure about my weight lately.


----------



## Cenarius

mezzoforte said:


> :lurk
> 
> Exactly. :sigh
> This site is starting to make me feel more insecure about my weight lately.


Nooo I saw your pictures, you look great.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Yet being vulnerable and allowing yourself to get hurt only strengthens one's true character.


I hate to break it to you but you're 10 years too late.

You ARE already speaking to a female who has been through parental abandonment and emotional loss tenfold over and in turn, thank you for reminding me how that has strengthened my "true character" and made me mindful and intelligent in how I carry about myself.

"Having a large ego is a negative thing"

Re-evaluate that statement. Having that sense of confidence and viewing myself in that kind of light is one of the sole motivational factors that keeps me strong.

Would you prefer that I be of the wheepy whiney bunch that is so evident here?

I've accomplished some great things with that sense of certainty and I hope that you all find that within yourselves one day, because that's the only thing you can count on in life -yourself.


----------



## Cerberus

Have you been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder? Have you been in therapy?


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Have you been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder? Have you been in therapy?


Some of the greatest figures in history have been the biggest narcissists that have graced this planet.

Narcissists are leaders in innovation, pushing forth change, breaking barriers and sculpting the minds of the general population.

Let's stay on topic now. I know my motives are so interesting for all of you, but gender relations really do interest me.

I know, big surprise.


----------



## Cerberus

It's just that your talk of beta male exploitation reeks of narcissist and co dependent relations:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/

Your Machiavellian approach to relationships is disturbing. The advice you offer in this thread is toxic.


----------



## calichick

I think it was when I turned 21 a few years ago that I realized men were made to please women and not the other way around.

There was actually this AH HA moment. Poor guy, don't even remember his name (wasn't necessarily attractive or anything), but I demonstrated a lot of the tactics I've mentioned in this thread and had his affections fist tight.



From there, it's kind of all been gradually building up.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> It's just that your talk of beta male exploitation reeks of narcissist and co dependent relations:
> 
> http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/
> 
> Your Machiavellian approach to relationships is disturbing. The advice you offer in this thread is toxic.


This is coming from a virginal guy posing as a girl with status: sex bench.

:lol

Excuse me if I don't find any credibility in your assumptions.

I do my life as I see fit. Can you say the same?


----------



## Cerberus

calichick said:


> This is coming from a virginal guy posing as a girl with status: sex bench.
> 
> :lol
> 
> Excuse me if I don't find any credibility in your assumptions.
> 
> I do my life as I see fit. Can you say the same?


Did you read the article? How does it not sound like what you're doing?


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> "Having a large ego is a negative thing"
> 
> Re-evaluate that statement. Having that sense of confidence and viewing myself in that kind of light is one of the sole motivational factors that keeps me strong.
> 
> Would you prefer that I be of the wheepy whiney bunch that is so evident here?


True confidence is not expressed through the ego. The ego only conveys a false, over-exaggerated sense of it; it's an illusion. It makes up for the confidence you lack.

I wouldn't prefer a whiny, self-defeating attitude but rather some humbleness to compliment your wiseness would be more favorable. Because you do seem like a wise, intelligent person, so why not associate these with more desirable attributes? You've been through much loss but so has many others. You shouldn't feel deserving to act the way you do or think you're incapable of acting differently. You can still change.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Did you read the article? How does it not sound like what you're doing?


The bias in this article is appalling.

Givers thrive on being able to please their partner and this is their main role in life.

To assume that they are bitter, closeted leaders is just bad literature.

They are secretly sad they cannot "take a more active role in the dance."

No my friend, assuming an active role would on the contrary be a very unnatural and unwelcoming position to take on.

Again, nice try though.


----------



## calichick

Why don't any of you ask yourselves this very question:


Are you ready to take on a more proactive leadership role in any domain - professional or social?

Wouldn't that just be the welcome solution for really catering to your personality type?

The horror. :lol


----------



## Cerberus

Fine. How about wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency


> *Codependency* is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control by, another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.


----------



## Elad

different year, same calichick, same replies, same rustling


----------



## Cerberus

Elad said:


> different year, same calichick, same replies, same rustling


I've avoided calichick's posts in the past because I figured she was just trolling. Has someone else already gone over all this stuff with her? If so, I'll stop wasting my time.


----------



## calichick

Exactly what are you guys trying to accomplish? I'm not over in your thread pooping over all the PU artist techniques (although admittedly I've never clicked on that thread so I can't be sure if there's a male equivalent of me on these boards)

Also @Bert, I am very humble. Have said a dozen times here men love humility in attitude and a girl who portrays that will get all the luck. I would perhaps be one of the sweetest girls you could ever meet in real life. See the thing about women is that we know how to deceive the untrained eye.


If something crosses our minds, it won't be evidenced by our actions. This is much, MUCH different from men.


----------



## calichick

Elad said:


> different year, same calichick, same replies, same rustling


: More men though, and more experiences.

Not like the men really change though right?

Hehe

I live for this stuff. Truly and honestly.

Gunner can call me a man all he likes, I probably SHOULD be a man with how much more I know about them than they know about themselves.


----------



## eveningbat

Nothing. If a man is not interested in me, he is not interested. Period.


----------



## zoslow

Reading the last ten pages or so, what I find funny are the old typical assumptions about men only thinking with their ****, women being capable of outsmarting men for that reason and so forth. But hey not all men are completely desperate or even that interested in sex just as there are a lot of women who are the same way. Personally I never understood why anyone would let their partner be in charge of everything or withhold certain things such as sex, unless they like to be dominated of course. I mean then why not simply find another partner or if you have difficulties doing so, better to be alone then in my opinion.

Not that I don't know the type either. My own father is a doormat to his dominant/*****y wife. It's pathetic to watch it but damn it serves him right muhahaha.


----------



## knightofdespair

zoslow said:


> Reading the last ten pages or so, what I find funny are the old typical assumptions about men only thinking with their ****, women being capable of outsmarting men for that reason and so forth. But hey not all men are completely desperate or even that interested in sex just as there are a lot of women who are the same way. Personally I never understood why anyone would let their partner be in charge of everything or withhold certain things such as sex, unless they like to be dominated of course. I mean then why not simply find another partner or if you have difficulties doing so, better to be alone then in my opinion.
> 
> Not that I don't know the type either. My own father is a doormat to his dominant/*****y wife. It's pathetic to watch it but damn it serves him right muhahaha.


They don't really, that is why a good 40% or more marriages end up in divorce. Stubborn women like to think they can treat a guy like crap, then they end up surprised when he sees someone on the side or bails after a couple years leaving them high and dry.


----------



## zoslow

knightofdespair said:


> They don't really, that is why a good 40% or more marriages end up in divorce. Stubborn women like to think they can treat a guy like crap, then they end up surprised when he sees someone on the side or bails after a couple years leaving them high and dry.


Yeah I think there is some truth to that.

I do think there are men that will let themselves be treated like crap too, just look at those cuckolds and whatsnot. But there has to be something there like a very low self-esteem or a wish to be dominated to begin with. Otherwise no matter how manipulative or clever you are you will risk driving the other person away and that goes for both dom. men and women.


----------



## knightofdespair

zoslow said:


> Yeah I think there is some truth to that.
> 
> I do think there are men that will let themselves be treated like crap too, just look at those cuckolds and whatsnot. But there has to be something there like a very low self-esteem or a wish to be dominated to begin with. Otherwise no matter how manipulative or clever you are you will risk driving the other person away and that goes for both dom. men and women.


I still gotta think the next day or two they think more about it and say "what the hell is wrong with me, and her too".. I think even men with low self esteem don't particularly enjoy stuff like that, they just feel a lack of power to change things or maybe they're used to being treated poorly. At some point in a long relationship it is sure to backfire though.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> on the topic of university, I was going to say to Lisbeth that the "controlled" environment which really allowed me to build up my confidence and social skills was my first job out of college...I mentioned it in a topic, it was a very intimate setting and without going into too much details, a small company which was really like a nest to blossom from.
> 
> I'm guessing Lisbeth that your university is 1000+ students?
> 
> Yea....long way to go. University or school formats in general (especially the larger ones) are so not the best places to grow out of your anxiety or expect suddenly to transform overnight. In fact, they probably exasperate the problem even more because of the multitude of people and the expectations which are placed on you, and the stress which you're under.
> 
> Joining a group at uni or an organization on the other hand would have been my way to develop those skills. For me, it's small group settings that allow me to thrive and build up more confidence in turn allowing me to interact more comfortably with men AND women.
> 
> I don't know if you've ever had a job before either? But those "FORCED" social situations (especially when they're among smaller groups of people) are also a great way to build relationships with men. Or so I've found...........
> 
> Just make sure it's not the boss.
> 
> heh.


1,000+ students? Oh, calichick, I wish. 20,000+ students. Bigger than my hometown.

I actually just started a job in an office. It's tiny and I'm the only person under 40 so I'm not _exactly_ pushing my limits socially, but heck, I'm hoping/expecting that being gainfully employed is going to make me feel better about myself and raise my confidence that way. Full-time Mon-Fri isn't going to do my social life any favours (my friends work weekends and goodbye weeknight drinking) but woooow am I glad not to be a purposeless bum any more.

Come autumn I'm going to be a commuter student at a local university... while living with my parents has obvious limitations, I actually think being a little further out could be better for me socially than it was when I was studying far away from home and living on campus. I'm a very introverted person and need a lot of time alone, so living with so many other students exhausted me and made me not want to socialise. If you have to talk to loads of people where you're living every day, after a while you don't want to go out at night and meet other people. Whereas if my default is being on my own, I _do_ want to go out and do that. And I'll be meeting people through societies etc instead of just sticking with flatmates and never branching out... I think it'll be much better. Spending time with people because I like them rather than because they're there. Or I hope so, anyway. Of course the alternative is that I slide back into teenage levels of isolation lol.

These days I feel like my introversion holds me back from meeting people more than my anxiety.


----------



## lisbeth

knightofdespair said:


> I still gotta think the next day or two they think more about it and say "what the hell is wrong with me, and her too".. I think even men with low self esteem don't particularly enjoy stuff like that, they just feel a lack of power to change things or maybe they're used to being treated poorly. At some point in a long relationship it is sure to backfire though.


I think some people like being able to feel like martyrs.


----------



## veron

What am I doing to get a guy? Well... I guess just trying to be more social and go out when I have the opportunity to do so. Which is only on the weekends (I'm too tired to go out on a workday). Two men have shown interest in me recently; one was twice as old, and the one twice as heavy as me. I'm not interested in either.

Keeping my ex at bay while he's still trying to win me back (he's no good). 

I've gotten back to an ex-colleague who contacted me a little while ago was seeming interested in meeting up. I'm not romantically interested in him, but I figure that expanding my circle of friends won't hurt... he said he was really busy with work this week and probably won't have the time, but will let me know if he does.

I feel like my biological clock is ticking and that it's time for me to be a mom. I'm starting to research ways of obtaining a child... it doesn't look like I'll get pregnant anytime soon, and adopting agencies don't like single people, so I think that my best best is being a foster parent. We'll see.


----------



## calichick

zoslow said:


> Reading the last ten pages or so, what I find funny are the old typical assumptions about men only thinking with their ****, women being capable of outsmarting men for that reason and so forth. But hey not all men are completely desperate or even that interested in sex just as there are a lot of women who are the same way. Personally I never understood why anyone would let their partner be in charge of everything or withhold certain things such as sex, unless they like to be dominated of course. I mean then why not simply find another partner or if you have difficulties doing so, better to be alone then in my opinion.
> 
> Not that I don't know the type either. My own father is a doormat to his dominant/*****y wife. It's pathetic to watch it but damn it serves him right muhahaha.





zoslow said:


> Yeah I think there is some truth to that.
> 
> I do think there are men that will let themselves be treated like crap too, just look at those cuckolds and whatsnot. But there has to be something there like a very low self-esteem or a wish to be dominated to begin with. Otherwise no matter how manipulative or clever you are you will risk driving the other person away and that goes for both dom. men and women.





knightofdespair said:


> I still gotta think the next day or two they think more about it and say "what the hell is wrong with me, and her too".. I think even men with low self esteem don't particularly enjoy stuff like that, they just feel a lack of power to change things or maybe they're used to being treated poorly. At some point in a long relationship it is sure to backfire though.


Sorry to break it to both of you, but the right woman could control pretty much any man she pleased, not only weak personality types. In reality, he doesn't need to have the lowest of self esteems. He doesn't need to have issues in his past or a codependent type personality. I just mentioned that type of man because they're especially easy targets.

The art of female seduction does not ONLY involve sex, Z. (In fact, after that courtship period where a female is trying to figure out a man's true intentions, having sex more often is probably ideal, if not only for the physical/and health benefits but because sex increases the levels of Oxytocin coursing through his bloodstream which makes him less likely to stray).

It's really an intricate and elaborate mix of appealing to his senses, offering a glimpse of the titillating physical allure of female beauty, conveying one's nurturing maternal side and being able to challenge him on a mental and intellectual level, making him in turn develop his own mind, body and soul.

I'm going to tell you that I have met some of the most seemingly dominant men. Real ball busters. Men in their 20s, 30s and early 40s getting paid $90k to $250k upwards. Managers, executives, CEO's, CFO's, VP's, the works.

All these extraneous factors don't make one difference when you know how to make a grown man cower back in fear..

Just tickles my fancy you know?


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> 1,000+ students? Oh, calichick, I wish. 20,000+ students. Bigger than my hometown.
> 
> I actually just started a job in an office. It's tiny and I'm the only person under 40 so I'm not _exactly_ pushing my limits socially, but heck, I'm hoping/expecting that being gainfully employed is going to make me feel better about myself and raise my confidence that way. Full-time Mon-Fri isn't going to do my social life any favours (my friends work weekends and goodbye weeknight drinking) but woooow am I glad not to be a purposeless bum any more.
> 
> Come autumn I'm going to be a commuter student at a local university... while living with my parents has obvious limitations, I actually think being a little further out could be better for me socially than it was when I was studying far away from home and living on campus. I'm a very introverted person and need a lot of time alone, so living with so many other students exhausted me and made me not want to socialise. If you have to talk to loads of people where you're living every day, after a while you don't want to go out at night and meet other people. Whereas if my default is being on my own, I _do_ want to go out and do that. And I'll be meeting people through societies etc instead of just sticking with flatmates and never branching out... I think it'll be much better. Spending time with people because I like them rather than because they're there. Or I hope so, anyway. Of course the alternative is that I slide back into teenage levels of isolation lol.
> 
> These days I feel like my introversion holds me back from meeting people more than my anxiety.


Good for you Lisbeth on the job. If anything, the older crowd at work might make it easier to develop stronger social skills.

I was a commuter student my whole time at uni. I preferred that MUCH more to even consider living on campus. No way in hell. Saving money, getting out there amongst the working crowd, having independence. Not to mention I met a ton of other commuter students who generally tended to be older and less stuck in the mindset of a 20 year old sorority girl/frat boy. uke

Catching rides with my professors though sure made for some awkward times. :lol


----------



## zoslow

calichick said:


> Sorry to break it to both of you, but the right woman could control pretty much any man she pleased, not only weak personality types. In reality, he doesn't need to have the lowest of self esteems. He doesn't need to have issues in his past or a codependent type personality. I just mentioned that type of man because they're especially easy targets.
> 
> The art of female seduction does not ONLY involve sex, Z. (In fact, after that courtship period where a female is trying to figure out a man's true intentions, having sex more often is probably ideal, if not only for the physical/and health benefits but because sex increases the levels of Oxytocin coursing through his bloodstream which makes him less likely to stray).
> 
> It's really an intricate and elaborate mix of appealing to his senses, offering a glimpse of the titillating physical allure of female beauty, conveying one's nurturing maternal side and being able to challenge him on a mental and intellectual level, making him in turn develop his own mind, body and soul.
> 
> I'm going to tell you that I have met some of the most seemingly dominant men. Real ball busters. Men in their 20s, 30s and early 40s getting paid $90k to $250k upwards. Managers, executives, CEO's, CFO's, VP's, the works.
> 
> All these extraneous factors don't make one difference when you know how to make a grown man cower back in fear..
> 
> Just tickles my fancy you know?


Oh I have never doubted that an attractive and intelligent woman that knows her way around the seduction arts will be able to make many men fall for her and keep them under control. I just think it's very unrealistic to believe that such a woman would be able to dominate pretty much any man she wanted to. You will be in for a rough awakening the day you stumble across a man who doesn't fall head over heels for your little tricks. If you had a high success rate with getting the men you want where you want them to be, it could probably best be explained by a mix of coincidence, a strong ability in you to read and pick men you are likely to be able to dominate (whether this selection process is done consciously or subconsciously) and finally of course you must know very well what appeals to a man and how to keep him pleased and at the same time depending on you and thus surrendering himself to you.

But even if you would have had something as unlikely as a 100% success rate, you have still only met or dated a millipercent of the men on this planet. So your conclusion is as wild and faulty as men who thinks that you can get any woman just by treating her ****ty, women who thinks all men are cheaters and so on.

What you say about executives, CEO's and etc is interesting though. You are right they often have a high self-esteem and are very dominant in their jobs. It is seemingly strange but I don't necessarily believe all of them has to be such dominant persons in their private life. I think everyone, even though a person can mainly be dom or sub, needs some sort of balance between the two of them and perhaps a challenge now and then. So maybe given they are used to bossing people around as a living they can appreciate a woman keeping them under control in their private lives. I don't know.

Anyways low self-esteem or issues in the past aside, what I meant is that everyone needs something to work with. Even dom maneaters There must either be a very strong affection and desire for the woman herself and what she has to offer or there must be a wish to be controlled and dominated. Without these things, there is no incentive for the man to let himself be pushed around. This means that with a number of different types of men such a woman will automatically lose ground. Men that are more on the asexual side, men that are less emotional, men that are very prone to noticing you are trying to control them and disliking of it, men that has a strong will of themselves and likes to be the dominant part in relationships, men that are used to sleeping around even in relationships, narcissists, sociopaths and the list goes on. These will prove much more of a challenge and sometimes even be impossible to snare.


----------



## Umpalumpa

calichick said:


> Sorry to break it to both of you, but the right woman could control pretty much any man she pleased, not only weak personality types. In reality, he doesn't need to have the lowest of self esteems. He doesn't need to have issues in his past or a codependent type personality. I just mentioned that type of man because they're especially easy targets.
> 
> The art of female seduction does not ONLY involve sex, Z. (In fact, after that courtship period where a female is trying to figure out a man's true intentions, having sex more often is probably ideal, if not only for the physical/and health benefits but because sex increases the levels of Oxytocin coursing through his bloodstream which makes him less likely to stray).
> 
> It's really an intricate and elaborate mix of appealing to his senses, offering a glimpse of the titillating physical allure of female beauty, conveying one's nurturing maternal side and being able to challenge him on a mental and intellectual level, making him in turn develop his own mind, body and soul.
> 
> I'm going to tell you that I have met some of the most seemingly dominant men. Real ball busters. Men in their 20s, 30s and early 40s getting paid $90k to $250k upwards. Managers, executives, CEO's, CFO's, VP's, the works.
> 
> All these extraneous factors don't make one difference when you know how to make a grown man cower back in fear..
> 
> Just tickles my fancy you know?


Nah.


----------



## Juschill

ignoring them.


----------



## shyvr6

Posts have been removed again. Please stay on topic. If we have to come in here again, this thread will closed and violations will be issued.


----------



## Crisigv

I'm not really doing anything to get a boy. I don't really know what to do to get a guy.


----------



## calichick

eveningbat said:


> *Nothing. If a man is not interested in me, he is not interested. Period.*





Crisigv said:


> *I'm not really doing anything to get a boy.*





watermelonn said:


> *Nothing~~~*


Girls, girls, girls, this is not a good attitude. Men are largely concerned with your appearance if anything, so hopefully you are putting some effort into it.










All tricks and tips aside, they aren't that complicated.

If you're not getting approached, it means you're not putting enough effort in.


----------



## watermelonn

^ I always try to look my best, and I get approached, but that doesn't happen often (I'm at home most of the time though). 

My problems are social in this right now: I'm terrible at flirting and seem "cold"/"distant" to other people (yes, even my ex and other people have commented on that). I don't know...I should improve my body language and get more experience in social settings. It usually goes in a way that I don't do much and I expect the guy entertain me all the time, but it doesn't really fix my own shyness problems how to connect with men (in a real way that I would want to).


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> Girls, girls, girls, this is not a good attitude. Men are largely concerned with your appearance if anything, so hopefully you are putting some effort into it.
> 
> All tricks and tips aside, they aren't that complicated.
> 
> If you're not getting approached, it means you're not putting enough effort in.


I'm curious where they go, especially any cute ladies with SA, since I would imagine like me they hate the bars, probably aren't wild about church, and the gym is always kind of a tacky place it seems to make any moves. Dating sites seem like they focus mostly on the social as well... So I guess that is a starting place to think about, if you were looking for a guy that had a lot in common about peace and quiet and understanding someone who doesn't have to be the loudest in the room, where would they go?


----------



## tbyrfan

Crisigv said:


> I don't really know what to do to get a guy.


----------



## Crisigv

tbyrfan said:


>


lol, I wasn't given good genes


----------



## eveningbat

calichick said:


> Girls, girls, girls, this is not a good attitude. Men are largely concerned with your appearance if anything, so hopefully you are putting some effort into it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All tricks and tips aside, they aren't that complicated.
> 
> If you're not getting approached, it means you're not putting enough effort in.


:hug


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Girls, girls, girls, this is not a good attitude. Men are largely concerned with your appearance if anything, so hopefully you are putting some effort into it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All tricks and tips aside, they aren't that complicated.
> 
> If you're not getting approached, it means you're not putting enough effort in.


I don't agree with this. Initial attraction will open the door but it won't keep someone's interest. Cute girls are a dime a dozen. I think personality is more important past the get-go.

Also, making yourself approachable plays as big a role in being approached. Like if when you go out you're at a table talking with a few friends, it's not going to happen. Whereas if you're actually standing at the bar with only one or maybe two other girls, it's more likely. God forbid if you go out with male friends (like I usually do), because then no one's going to talk to you.

I know Barbara Palvin is popular but lawdy the makeup in that gif looks bad.



knightofdespair said:


> I'm curious where they go, especially any cute ladies with SA, since I would imagine like me they hate the bars, probably aren't wild about church, and the gym is always kind of a tacky place it seems to make any moves. Dating sites seem like they focus mostly on the social as well... So I guess that is a starting place to think about, if you were looking for a guy that had a lot in common about peace and quiet and understanding someone who doesn't have to be the loudest in the room, where would they go?


Makes me think of this thing I found on postsecret.com:










Except I do really like pubs and bars, it's just I usually only sit around and talk to people I already know in them. The guy I'd like is probably also sitting around only talking to people he already knows in them. Alas.


----------



## mezzoforte

lisbeth said:


> I don't agree with this. Initial attraction will open the door but it won't keep someone's interest. Cute girls are a dime a dozen. I think personality is more important past the get-go.


Yeah. For a pretty girl, obtaining sex is probably_ really_ easy, because all that matters is the initial attraction. But in order for guys to want to stick around for a relationship, you also have to have a personality that appeals to them.



lisbeth said:


> Also, making yourself approachable plays as big a role in being approached. Like if when you go out you're at a table talking with a few friends, it's not going to happen. Whereas if you're actually standing at the bar with only one or maybe two other girls, it's more likely. God forbid if you go out with male friends (like I usually do), because then no one's going to talk to you.


I agree with this too. Since I started college, I've been going out alone all the time and a few guys have approached me. Back in high school when I'd only go out with friends, it never happened. Even if I was only with 1 female friend.


----------



## Marko3

calichick said:


> Men are largely concerned with your appearance if anything, so hopefully you are putting some effort into it.
> 
> If you're not getting approached, it means you're not putting enough effort in.


lol calichick.. believe me.. it's more character than appearance...
... and them 30% of guys that go only for looks, why do you try so hard to look good for them? Them guys will only leave you.. when your beauty starts to fade.. and then you'll be crushed major time...

The character is important most, girl must be cute (not necessarily super beautiful), the real definition of cute person is the key... happy, fun to be around with, that makes u happy just to be around her, the one you can talk everything with ease.. u know that radiating energy...

hehe.. I dont know.. Ii need to find me a gf...


----------



## Marko3

lisbeth said:


> Makes me think of this thing I found on postsecret.com:


yes yes exactly! damn... so true, so true


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> Also, making yourself approachable plays as big a role in being approached. Like if when you go out you're at a table talking with a few friends, it's not going to happen. Whereas if you're actually standing at the bar with only one or maybe two other girls, it's more likely. God forbid if you go out with male friends (like I usually do), because then no one's going to talk to you.


Very much agree with this, especially for shy guys.



lisbeth said:


> I know Barbara Palvin is popular but lawdy the makeup in that gif looks bad.


Completely disagree with this.


----------



## calichick

Hey now there, I said "IN THE VERY LEAST" you should be putting effort into your appearance.

These women said they were doing absolutely nothing. Everyone knows the first step to catching a man is to looking your best and @Crisigv, you think the majority of women we consider 'hot' were born that way?

Kim Kardashian? You think it doesn't take a whole squad to put THAT together?

Really, I'm starting to believe more and more that the difference between a hot and a not so hot chick is the amount of effort she puts into herself from exercise, diet, and grooming.

I do my makeup like Barbara in that pic lol no joke, lashes are the focal point ladies!



knightofdespair said:


> I'm curious where they go, especially any cute ladies with SA


Sweetie, introverts or girls with anxiety aren't much different from normal girls, except they leave the house less frequently. We do eat, sh*t and work/school just like the average folk.

It can be anywhere from a grocery store, taking a walk around the block, running errands, shopping, whatever.

In fact, just refer to my list on the first page of where the ladies should frequent to meet eligible men:

Supermarkets after work 
Cafés weekday lunch hour
Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often )
Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)

(and of course some girls like Lisbeth are comfortable with the bar scene. I for one, I am not. I like to meet my men in the broad daylight where I can see the white of his eyes :lol)


----------



## calichick

watermelonn said:


> My problems are social in this right now: I'm terrible at flirting and seem "cold"/"distant" to other people (yes, even my ex and other people have commented on that).


Understood.

*Calitip #88* )): The thing about flirting is based on the concept that men love to hear how important they are. You want to always, ALWAYS find a way to compliment him. To savour his very presence on this earth, his physique, his ambition, his wit. You want to laugh at his jokes like he makes humor so undeniably sexy even though you want to bang your head on a table and hang off his words like each one is worth a million bucks. Really the female role in flirting is a very simple one, and you can take his lead and pretty much reciprocate his every move. It's simple, it's easy, it's fun.

Flirting is important to release feel good hormones within him to associate being with you as something he wants to experience over and over again. When I am with a man, I like him to feel like he is the only one in my world. _Give him the full attention when you are in the moment with him_.

But on that note, it is important that you elicit his territorial behavior and keep him every bit so insecure about his place in your life and his control on you, so when you are not with him, do not feel obligated not to flirt with other men or show affections for them which will in turn decrease your dependency on him.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> In fact, just refer to my list on the first page of where the ladies should frequent to meet eligible men:
> 
> Supermarkets after work
> Cafés weekday lunch hour
> Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
> Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
> Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often )
> Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
> Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
> Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)
> 
> (and of course some girls like Lisbeth are comfortable with the bar scene. I for one, I am not. I like to meet my men in the broad daylight where I can see the white of his eyes :lol)


Hmm, I don't go to any of those places :\ I usually only go to bars when I know someone playing in the band or someone invites us there (usually was my gf's work connections in the past). Quality single guys generally won't go to the bar by themselves, its just weird. Groups of women are basically a huge rejection zone and most guys figure anybody you are with is either bf/gf or something. Its pretty rude to go up and ask.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Hmm, I don't go to any of those places :\


I'm just targeting places which are vital for any human being to make their living, sorry the moment you say the word "bar" I'm tuned out already.

The moment I step out the door is an opportunity to meet new men, never understood otherwise. I've only been to 3 bars in my life and I didn't appreciate having drunken men hit on me. I don't like alcohol, loud noises or crowded places.

Maybe that's why you're not meeting introverts?

We stick to our daily routines :b


----------



## NeverAFrown_00

Marko3 said:


> lol calichick.. believe me.. it's more character than appearance...
> ... and them 30% of guys that go only for looks, why do you try so hard to look good for them? Them guys will only leave you.. when your beauty starts to fade.. and then you'll be crushed major time...
> 
> The character is important most, girl must be cute (not necessarily super beautiful), the real definition of cute person is the key... happy, fun to be around with, that makes u happy just to be around her, the one you can talk everything with ease.. u know that radiating energy...
> 
> hehe.. I dont know.. Ii need to find me a gf...


Good to know there are some who speak sense 'round here.


----------



## calichick

Marko3 said:


> why do you try so hard to look good for them?


I wouldn't date an unattractive man.

Thank you, come again.

Beauty is a two way street, I like my man to take care of himself "mind, body and soul", and in turn, I will make sure he is met with the same expectations 

*Calitip #89*: You get what you put out there.

Gotta run, have a good day all!


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> i.e. you don't buy your own groceries and are dependent on mommy or??
> 
> I'm just targeting places which are vital for any human being to make their living, sorry the moment you say the word "bar" I'm tuned out already.
> 
> The moment I step out the door is an opportunity to meet new men, never understood otherwise. I've only been to 3 bars in my life and I didn't appreciate having drunken men hit on me. I don't like alcohol, loud noises or crowded places.
> 
> Maybe that's why you're not meeting introverts?
> 
> We stick to our daily routines :b


No I usually go later on when there are less people.. Not after work.

Well basically that is my point, how do you meet people who don't go a lot of places and seem pretty unapproachable even when they are out? Generally if I'm out and a cute woman looks my way its almost worse than if she doesn't - I feel like most guys (at least with SA) get the feeling like its shameful and wrong to actually like what you see.


----------



## watermelonn

calichick said:


> *Calitip #88* )):


Hmm that's interesting, thanks. No need to say never thought of flirting that way. You can get good at it only by doing it...Because I for sure I'm not naturally good at it. Now I only need to find guys to practise, haha!


----------



## TicklemeRingo

calichick said:


> Understood.
> 
> *Calitip #88* )): The thing about flirting is based on the concept that men love to hear how important they are. You want to always, ALWAYS find a way to compliment him. To savour his very presence on this earth, his physique, his ambition, his wit. You want to laugh at his jokes like he makes humor so undeniably sexy even though you want to bang your head on a table and hang off his words like each one is worth a million bucks. Really the female role in flirting is a very simple one, and you can take his lead and pretty much reciprocate his every move. It's simple, it's easy, it's fun.
> 
> Flirting is important to release feel good hormones within him to associate being with you as something he wants to experience over and over again. When I am with a man, I like him to feel like he is the only one in my world. _Give him the full attention when you are in the moment with him_.
> 
> But on that note, it is important that you elicit his territorial behavior and keep him every bit so insecure about his place in your life and his control on you, so when you are not with him, do not feel obligated not to flirt with other men or show affections for them which will in turn decrease your dependency on him.


^This sort of thing will get you laid/one night stands, but it might not be so great for establishing a longer term loving relationship.

That said, giving someone your full attention in the moment cant hurt.

Wait, why am I joining in with this? :con


----------



## calichick

^ She was asking about FLIRTING

Ya'll do know how to flirt right?

Come on, I flirt with the homeless man around the corner from the bag boy at the check out stand. Release the demons and let loose.

P.S. @Watermelonn practice on the guys you feel less intimidated with (i.e. either by looks, race or age).

It's like riding a bike and a good foundation with which off to build off of. Just make sure you cut those suckers loose when they start to make it seem like they're getting _too comfortable._


----------



## TicklemeRingo

I'm not attacking, just commenting :stu


----------



## calichick

Seriously what would you all do without me here...


I joke, I joke.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Really, I'm starting to believe more and more that the difference between a hot and a not so hot chick is the amount of effort she puts into herself from exercise, diet, and grooming.


I agree with this for sure. I think most aspects of physical attractiveness for women are controllable. Some things aren't (e.g. you can't really create curves if you don't have them, if you have thin hair you can't make it thick) but so many things are. Makeup, hair colour/style, eyebrows, whatever, all those little things can make a really big difference. It's a cumulative effect.



calichick said:


> I do my makeup like Barbara in that pic lol no joke, lashes are the focal point ladies!


Eyelashes are super important but the rest of her face just doesn't look good. Too much foundation with no colour on the cheeks so her skin looks flat and unnatural. Her lips are too pale, like they've been covered in concealer or something. One of her best features completely disappears. It looks awful imo. Something like this, with some pink on the cheeks and lips, looks a lot better:












calichick said:


> Sweetie, introverts or girls with anxiety aren't much different from normal girls, except they leave the house less frequently. We do eat, sh*t and work/school just like the average folk.
> 
> It can be anywhere from a grocery store, taking a walk around the block, running errands, shopping, whatever.
> 
> In fact, just refer to my list on the first page of where the ladies should frequent to meet eligible men:
> 
> Supermarkets after work
> Cafés weekday lunch hour
> Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
> Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
> Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often )
> Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
> Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
> Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)
> 
> (and of course some girls like Lisbeth are comfortable with the bar scene. I for one, I am not. I like to meet my men in the broad daylight where I can see the white of his eyes :lol)


I do all these things and can't picture it being fruitful in that way. I mean, I go to the supermarket, walk around the aisles, buy stuff, go home. I take my dog hiking (two birds one stone!), pass someone as I walk, we smile and say hi and keep going in our opposite directions. I noticed when I visited the US that strangers talk to one another a lot more than they do in Europe.


----------



## Marko3

calichick said:


> Seriously what would you all do without me here...
> 
> I joke, I joke.


naah is ok... hey u said u gotta run?.. u joggin?


----------



## veron

calichick said:


> In fact, just refer to my list on the first page of where the ladies should frequent to meet eligible men:
> 
> Supermarkets after work
> Cafés weekday lunch hour
> Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
> Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
> Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often )
> Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
> Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
> Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)
> 
> (and of course some girls like Lisbeth are comfortable with the bar scene. I for one, I am not. I like to meet my men in the broad daylight where I can see the white of his eyes :lol)


Calichick, let's say I spot someone attractive at the supermarket (it's happened before... lol). What am I supposed to do? Nobody has ever approached me there. Same question goes for public transit.


----------



## calichick

orsomething said:


> do these men have something to offer you?












:wink

On a serious note though, I honestly just flirt because it's fun. When you make other people feel good, they have a tendency to reciprocate that sentiment because it boosts their mood and their serotonin levels.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> Calichick, let's say I spot someone attractive at the supermarket (it's happened before... lol). What am I supposed to do? Nobody has ever approached me there. Same question goes for public transit.


1.) Make it known that you're there

2.) Appeal to his sense of visual perception

3.) Take your time, nothing wrong with lingering a moment too long to allow them the opportunity to approach

The visual perception one is big though. . Men can see faster than they can think and this is perhaps the most important sense to stimulate. You need to be able to dress in an ever so tasteful manner but while at the same time really contouring to your body type.

The problem with girls is that they are sometimes ashamed to "show" themselves off so they end up wearing what they think will draw the least attention.

You don't need to dress the part of a sl** in order to capture a man's attention. It's all about flattering shapes and complimentary colors. But I'm from California hey, my motto is the more skin the better :lol Doesn't mean that I'm going to have my a** hanging out though. A suitable amount of cleavage, or leg or clavicle will do.

No shame in my game.

Also ladies, please wear make-up. I'm sick of seeing girls like they just woke up in the morning, hair half a foot higher than their head, bags under their eyes. Doesn't mean you have to go full drag in the morning, a little goes a LONG way.

Being _presentable_ is important.


----------



## veron

^I think I do dress flattering and stuff... I notice men looking at me, but not exactly approaching me. Maybe I should make eye contact or something, but I'm not that type, lol


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> I do all these things and can't picture it being fruitful in that way. I mean, I go to the supermarket, walk around the aisles, buy stuff, go home. I take my dog hiking (two birds one stone!), pass someone as I walk, we smile and say hi and keep going in our opposite directions. I noticed when I visited the US that strangers talk to one another a lot more than they do in Europe.


Maybe not Europe, maybe UK-specific.

It's frosty over there. I honestly am not quite sure how to really make yourself stand out apart from focusing on your face.

Jeans and coats though right?

God, I would die.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> ^I think I do dress flattering and stuff... I notice men looking at me, but not exactly approaching me. Maybe I should make eye contact or something, but I'm not that type, lol


I mentioned this already, but looking vulnerable/indecisive helps too- it's like a wounded deer in a lion's eyes. Makes it so much easier to pounce. (not so good in the back alley though)

YES IT DOES WORK ACTUALLY.

I don't do it on purpose but tend to have a really long, drawn out thought process and hey it can get really annoying sometimes too with all the men who approach me, "Do you need help miss?" "Are you all good miss?" "Are you alright miss?" "Anything else miss?"

Jesus, leave me alone for 1 second while I look at the difference between Colby Jack and Monterey Jack cheese :rofl

But yea, this is really a passive-aggressive way to get guys to approach you apart from the typical eye contact BS

Eye contact doesn't have to be some type of formal validation of any sort, "I'm looking at you, I'm interested in you!" Men really like that innocent look, like when you look up and meet their eyes in surprise.

If they are looking at you in the first place, it's just making it known that you're aware that they're checking you out and if interested proceed as suitable.

If you're targeting a man who doesn't show any outwardly apparent signs of interest in you, you're going to need to approach him :lol

If all else fails ladies,....online dating?

Online dating was created for the unapproachables.


----------



## Darktower776

calichick said:


> 3.) Take your time, nothing wrong with lingering a moment too long to allow them the opportunity to approach


I've seen girls do this before and I think it can be a good tactic to use. I feel like knowing when to say something or not definitely stops a lot of guys. If the woman sort of "creates" an opportunity or small window of time for a guy to say something or approach her it definitely helps. Plus it makes it easier to tell that a woman may be interested.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Maybe not Europe, maybe UK-specific.
> 
> It's frosty over there. I honestly am not quite sure how to really make yourself stand out apart from focusing on your face.
> 
> Jeans and coats though right?
> 
> God, I would die.


Focusing on my face?

The majority of girls in the UK go jeans and coats, yeah. But an equal number have hardy bloodlines and don't let silly things like temperature stand in their way.










You don't really feel the cold after a few drinks anyway.



calichick said:


> If all else fails ladies,....online dating?
> 
> Online dating was created for the unapproachables.


I know a girl who does OKCupid and she's met like 5 guys from there and exactly none of them turned out to be normal. Her stories are really entertaining and hilarious but I don't envy them myself.


----------



## calichick

^ those girls

:afr

I haven't seen someone who looks quite like that around these parts.


----------



## Umpalumpa

calichick said:


> Understood.
> 
> *Calitip #88* )): The thing about flirting is based on the concept that men love to hear how important they are. You want to always, ALWAYS find a way to compliment him. To savour his very presence on this earth, his physique, his ambition, his wit. You want to laugh at his jokes like he makes humor so undeniably sexy even though you want to bang your head on a table and hang off his words like each one is worth a million bucks. Really the female role in flirting is a very simple one, and you can take his lead and pretty much reciprocate his every move. It's simple, it's easy, it's fun.
> 
> Flirting is important to release feel good hormones within him to associate being with you as something he wants to experience over and over again. When I am with a man, I like him to feel like he is the only one in my world. _Give him the full attention when you are in the moment with him_.
> 
> But on that note, it is important that you elicit his territorial behavior and keep him every bit so insecure about his place in your life and his control on you, so when you are not with him, do not feel obligated not to flirt with other men or show affections for them which will in turn decrease your dependency on him.


I agree with some of it, but some times it can be a turn off, I prefer more of a mysterious vibe when I flirt (which is very rare), a monologue and her laughing sounds kind of boring to me, I think that a big thing is her body language, the expression of her eyes.
I don't like when the girls feel like they have some sort of an expectation out of them, if you feel like talking, talk, if you prefer not talking then don't, I don't like blank laughs, I don't like people who talk in order to feel more comfortable with themselves.
Surprise the man you flirt with.


----------



## calichick

Umpalumpa said:


> Surprise the man you flirt with.


The surprise is that an attractive woman is talking to you.

This is how I flirt and men like me. I casually allude to wanting the D (whether I want it or not)

God I don't want to imagine how the majority of people here flirt :lol

It's like a train wreck you just can't take your eyes off of.

"Hey, uh, you know that smell gas has? They put that in."

Stop quoting me now!!


----------



## calichick

Is flirting really that hard anyhow?

It kind of comes naturally for me.

Don't overanalyze things too much, keep it light-hearted and have fun!

The best is when you kind of take a man off guard ladies. Not all of them are going to expect a woman who is down to earth and willing to let loose that it can catch them like a deer in the headlights. That's when you really take control of the situation..

I swear...sometimes I have a hard time differentiating normal female-male interaction with just pure manipulative behavior :lol


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> ^ those girls
> 
> :afr
> 
> I haven't seen someone who looks quite like that around these parts.


Newcastle. Northern girls are made of stern stuff. Bare legs in the snow deserve a medal for bravery.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> The surprise is that an attractive woman is talking to you.
> 
> This is how I flirt and men like me.
> 
> 
> 
> calichick said:
> 
> 
> 
> Is flirting really that hard anyhow?
> 
> It kind of comes naturally for me.
> 
> 
> 
> ok we're going back to manipulation 101...
> 
> I swear...sometimes I have a hard time differentiating normal female-male interaction with just pure manipulative behavior :lol
Click to expand...

Let me say right off the bat, I'm not trying to be mean to you, because I like you and enjoy your contribution to the site in general, but I have to say... your contribution to this thread is nearly useless... Advice that works for a girl who's a 9 (for lack of a better description) is Greek to girls who are between 1-7.

I don't know what you look like so I'll just take your word for it that you're basically a supermodel without a contract, but the hotter you look as a girl the wider your range of successful techniques to pick up guys, but if you're average or even just above average you have to put some real work into it, not just technique but a complete lifestyle makeover; you have to be likable REGARDLESS of your looks, so your cornerstone of "flirting" which is manipulation, won't work for a lot of women.

Anyway, I know you're a smart girl, which is why I know you're fully aware that the intention behind a lot of your posts is basically to stroke your ego, right?


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> Newcastle. Northern girls are made of stern stuff. Bare legs in the snow deserve a medal for bravery.


:lol

I'd imagine that Newcastle is the UK equivalent of Wisconsin.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Let me say right off the bat, I'm not trying to be mean to you, because I like you and enjoy your contribution to the site in general, but I have to say... your contribution to this thread is nearly useless... Advice that works for a girl who's a 9 (for lack of a better description) is Greek to girls who are between 1-7.
> 
> I don't know what you look like so I'll just take your word for it that you're basically a supermodel without a contract, but the hotter you look as a girl the wider your range of successful techniques to pick up guys, but if you're average or even just above average you have to put some real work into it, not just technique but a complete lifestyle makeover; you have to be likable REGARDLESS of your looks, so your cornerstone of "flirting" which is manipulation, won't work for a lot of women.
> 
> Anyway, I know you're a smart girl, which is why I know you're fully aware that the intention behind a lot of your posts is basically to stroke your ego, right?


First of all, don't insult my SAS ladies. A lot of them are actually really good looking and their SA is an impediment to recognizing the power they possess as females to turn the tables in their favor.

Second of all, I have contributed by far the most advice to this thread (practical and concept) whether you like it or not.

Third of all, I have asked any one of you straight males on more than one occasion in the past 5 days to offer up your suggestions, so why have you there CrimeClub,
For a 5 or below girl, shoot us with your best advice. (Btw my flirting technique works for any female regardless of looks. I am basing that as a fact on numerous unattractive women I have known that have landed amazingly handsome men due to their persistent interest and NOT sitting back and expecting these guys to hand themselves over on a silver platter)

We're all ears.


----------



## crimeclub

I often give realistic and practical advice to both men and women on this forum, and trust me, my intention wasn't to insult the women of SAS, I'm aware that there are lots of beautiful women here, so don't try to distort my words Calipants.

But I'll admit, maybe I'm speaking apples and oranges here, you often give advice for hooking up, I often give advice for relationships, our difference in end-game is probably why I often get confused by some of your advice. Anyway, seriously, no contention meant. Well maybe a little; I'm bored.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I often give realistic and practical advice to both men and women on this forum, and trust me, my intention wasn't to insult the women of SAS, I'm aware that there are lots of beautiful women here, so don't try to distort my words Calipants.
> 
> But I'll admit, maybe I'm speaking apples and oranges here, you often give advice for hooking up, I often give advice for relationships, our difference in end-game is probably why I often get confused by some of your advice. Anyway, seriously, no contention meant. Well maybe a little; I'm bored.


No sweetie, people dont magically just fall into relationships without lifting a finger or waiting for the UPS man to deliver.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> No sweetie, people dont magically just fall into relationships without lifting a finger or waiting for the UPS man to deliver.
> 
> But good on you to expect them to.
> 
> Anyways, keep saying you're bored 1000x it doesn't prevent you from coming into this thread?
> 
> /Annoying.


I come to this thread where you post *because* I'm bored, you're the antidote to boredom around here, you should be proud to have that distinction, why do you think you get quoted out the *** here, you love the controversial attention and we love a witty poster, we all win.


----------



## lisbeth

To be honest I'd be chuffed if I just met someone who liked me enough to talk on the phone.


----------



## calichick

Lisbeth, please, come on now. You could easily be an alpha female if you set your mind to it.



Anywho, tomorrow, I am going to discuss how an unattractive woman scores well above her level since someone had the nerve to criticize my advice. :mum


----------



## Schmosby

lisbeth said:


> To be honest I'd be chuffed if I just met someone who liked me enough to talk on the phone.


You spend a lot of time on this forum and I assume others, do you really not find any guys you like? I'm sure if you gave a guy your number they would call you.


----------



## Umpalumpa

calichick said:


> Lisbeth, please, come on now. You could easily be an alpha female if you set your mind to it.
> 
> Anywho, tomorrow, I am going to discuss how an unattractive woman scores well above her level since someone had the nerve to criticize my advice. :mum


No one said you are wrong, you are the flirting guru after all.


----------



## calichick

Umpalumpa said:


> No one said you are wrong, you are the flirting guru after all.


I wasn't talking about you.

CrimeClub thinks all my advice is coming straight out of my a** and that I don't have to lift a finger.

Not sure if he's actually read the entire thread but I'd go with no seeing that everything I say is practically coddling men to be right where you want them.

Stay tuned :wink


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Lisbeth, please, come on now. You could easily be an alpha female if you set your mind to it.


One day, calichick. One day. Of course with your tuition it's almost guaranteed.



Schmosby said:


> You spend a lot of time on this forum and I assume others, do you really not find any guys you like? I'm sure if you gave a guy your number they would call you.


Oh no, I mean I have friends from online and IRL who I technically could ring, though to be honest I feel too scared to ring any friend spontaneously regardless of how I know them (or how well I know them) because I feel like I'm overstepping my bounds and bothering them. It'd be nice to ring because I like talking to people on the phone (never thought I'd say that - shows how much better my SA is) but I don't have the bottle to step up and do it right now. I'd just feel needy and clingy.

But it's not really the phone call for the sake of having a phone call... what I really mean is it'd be really cool if a guy just wanted to talk to me. Like, "I wonder what Lisbeth's doing", so they picked up the phone instead of texting me. If I had to ask for a call and prompt it, it defeats the purpose because then I'm pushing for something they didn't actually want. And it's their wanting that I want. If somebody texts you it's an idle moment, they're killing time and multitasking, probably texting other people at the same time and having multiple conversations. It's not real personal contact. Hearing someone's voice is really different. People always text these days and a phone call feels like such a big ask. Like, somebody cutting out half an hour or more of their day in order to concentrate on speaking to you without you actually being physically present next to them, and without the purpose of getting some kind of information or making plans, just having speaking to you be that purpose. It probably seems like a small thing but it feels like a lot to expect because it just hasn't happened. Only phone calls I've had from non-friend guys in 2014 were the brief thirty-second "hey, are you here yet? Where are you? oh yeah I'm just round the corner, I'll meet you there" kind of calls. No others, ever. Just endless texts. I haven't had anyone actually ring me. I dunno, I realised lately just how long it is since a non-friend guy actually asked me what I thought about. Or, like, anything much about myself or my opinions really. It's sort of sad. It probably seems really stupid but a phone call would really mean a lot to me.


----------



## komorikun

lisbeth said:


> I don't agree with this. *Initial attraction will open the door but it won't keep someone's interest. Cute girls are a dime a dozen. I think personality is more important past the get-go.*
> 
> Also, making yourself approachable plays as big a role in being approached. Like if when you go out you're at a table talking with a few friends, it's not going to happen. Whereas if you're actually standing at the bar with only one or maybe two other girls, it's more likely. God forbid if you go out with male friends (like I usually do), because then no one's going to talk to you.
> 
> I know Barbara Palvin is popular but lawdy the makeup in that gif looks bad.


Everyone says this but I get the feeling that it's not true. Some sort of SAS or dating advice mantra. People like to say that about themselves so as to not appear shallow. I think it's more like it's the looks that not only spark the initial attraction but also keep the person interested as long as.....the personality isn't too horrific. I mean have to get along to some extent and probably be of the same social class.

I think the thing is they have to feel like you are a catch. If they can bag girls just as pretty as you are relatively easily, then they will be on to the next chick in no time.


----------



## dal user

All this talk about personality

Am I the only one who knows its all a load of bull****?

Truth be told im quite a funny guy and people sometimes say being funny attracts girls but it actually doesn't. Its all about looks and if you don't have them then don't ever expect to get into a relationship ever. In the dating world your need to be super good looking, both guys and girls and if you aren't then its gonna be hostile responses all the way. Im an ugly **** and I've never had a girlfriend and thats the only reason why I have never had a girlfriend because of the way I look.

The dating world response is be really good looking or GTFO



lisbeth said:


> Newcastle. Northern girls are made of stern stuff. Bare legs in the snow deserve a medal for bravery.


The lasses up north dont care if its below -10

They will still hit the town with dresses and high heels


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Lisbeth, please, come on now. You could easily be an alpha female if you set your mind to it.
> 
> Anywho, tomorrow, I am going to discuss how an unattractive woman scores well above her level since someone had the nerve to criticize my advice. :mum


calichick--aka SAS dating coach


----------



## SA go0n

Rich91 said:


> All this talk about personality
> 
> Am I the only one who knows its all a load of bull****?
> 
> Truth be told im quite a funny guy and people sometimes say being funny attracts girls but it actually doesn't. Its all about looks and if you don't have them then don't ever expect to get into a relationship ever. In the dating world your need to be super good looking, both guys and girls and if you aren't then its gonna be hostile responses all the way. Im an ugly **** and I've never had a girlfriend and thats the only reason why I have never had a girlfriend because of the way I look.
> 
> The dating world response is be really good looking or GTFO


 Oh come on now. Your negative thinking is the reason you don't get girls. If you would just turn that frown upside down the girls would flock to you........you know I'm joking. Personality is just a compliment, and by itself really doesn't accomplish much. I'm not saying it wouldn't help an average looking person get dates, but if you look below average, you would just come off as a big weirdo.....like I do. How is this thread not locked yet anyways?


----------



## calichick

^ what exactly is there to lock?

We're having a solid discussion. 

Not sure why some men don't post in their own dating thread though :stu


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> ^ what exactly is there to lock?
> 
> We're having a solid discussion.
> 
> Not sure why some men don't post in their own dating thread though :stu


I don't know why everyone's giving you a hard time. You have a crazy big ego but your advice isn't bad. I might even take your advice and start hitting on girls in grocery stores.


----------



## Waifu

If you want a guy to date you and not just pump and dump you have to offer something to his life that he can't get elsewhere. He doesn't need your companionship he has friends and he doesn't need sex that's what hoes are for. What he needs is someone to take care of and let him feel like a strong man protector. Be weak and fragile and feminine and helpless and make him take care of you and he'll never let you leave his life.


----------



## gunner21

Dear lord at some of the "advice" in this thread.


----------



## calichick

Unattractive people, the thing I wanted to say is, you are in a really, let's just say advantageous spot in life.

I'm going to tell you straight out that you have nothing to lose. It's almost going to be EASIER for you to get with men and women who are *WELL* above your level. Have you noticed the abundance of topics here made by unattractive people only seeking out partners significantly ABOVE their levels?

That is because people always seek out what they don't have.

Hear me out.

Attractive people on average

1) We are LAZY as f***. We've been handed nearly everything. We also have enormously large egos which a lot of the time prevent us from reaching our full potential. This is why it seems so rare nowadays to encounter two actual good looking people in a relationship together.

2) A lot of us don't know what power we possess and attribute our good fortune in life to complete chance. A lot of the times attractive people take for granted their situations because as the saying goes, _you never realize how important something is until it's gone_.

This however contrasts with people who weren't born with naturally good looks, who WORKED to get where they are. That set of people will probably prioritize good looks in the opposite sex since they know how hard it was to climb up from the bottom.

3) A lot of attractive people do not put great priority on looks in the opposite sex. A partner who is well endowed in whatever department, is NOT on the top of their list.

4) Many have been made to feel alienated for a good portion of their life, puberty onwards. Sometimes others put them on a pedestal, make them feel like they're almost 'untouchable', they have to impress them by acting in character, they just aren't themselves. When an attractive person meets someone who can simply make them laugh, regardless of how tall, or fit or handsome that person is, sometimes it just clicks.

The bad news is, that you are going to need to work for it.

But the pattern usually goes that people who are generally not stereotypically "attractive" or "beautiful" usually have less of an ego, less of what is holding them back to take risks and put themselves out there.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> Unattractive people, the thing I wanted to say is, you are in a really, let's just say advantageous spot in life.
> 
> I'm going to tell you straight out that you have nothing to lose. It's almost going to be EASIER for you to get with men and women who are *WELL* above your level. Have you noticed the abundance of topics here made by unattractive people only seeking out partners significantly ABOVE their levels?
> 
> That is because people always seek out what they don't have.
> 
> Hear me out.
> 
> Attractive people on average
> 
> 1) We are LAZY as f***. We've been handed nearly everything in life.
> 
> 2) A lot of us don't know what power we possess and attribute our good fortune in life to complete chance. A lot of the times attractive people take for granted their situations because as the saying goes, _you never realize how important something is until it's gone_.
> 
> 3) A lot of attractive people do not put great priority on looks in the opposite sex. A partner who is well endowed in whatever department, is NOT on the top of their list.
> 
> 4) Many have been made to feel alienated for a good portion of their life, puberty onwards. Sometimes others put them on a pedestal, make them feel like they're almost 'untouchable', they have to impress them by acting in character, they just aren't themselves. When an attractive person meets someone who can simply make them laugh, regardless of how tall, or fit or handsome that person is, sometimes it just clicks.
> 
> The bad news is, that you are going to need to work for it.
> 
> But the pattern usually goes that people who are generally not stereotypically "attractive" or "beautiful" usually have less of an ego, less of what is holding them back to take risks and put themselves out there.
> 
> That dorky guy who approaches the hottest chick in the room who every one else is intimidated by, just by the off chance, actually has a REALLY good shot at seeing himself in a better situation.


Can't agree with this advice. I'd **** an ugly chick in secret, but I wouldn't date her. Wouldn't want my family seeing me with someone gross.


----------



## minimized

calichick said:


> ^ what exactly is there to lock?
> 
> We're having a solid discussion.
> 
> Not sure why some men don't post in their own dating thread though :stu


Can't you see we're all desperate for your sage wisdom and uninterested in our virgin sausage one?

Twiddles


----------



## calichick

Cenarius said:


> Can't agree with this advice. I'd **** an ugly chick in secret, but I wouldn't date her. Wouldn't want my family seeing me with someone gross.


How attractive do you consider yourself?

I am speaking 9's +

People who generally fall into the "above average but not excellent range" (7 or 8's) are attractive, but generally do not fit into the not seeking only physical category already have ample amounts of it.

P.S. I hope no one is offended by my blatant usage of such degrading terms as referring to people but you all DID mention you want something on the topic of unattractive people. I did not bring this up myself


----------



## Bert Reynolds

I'm an 8.5. What do I do now?


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> I'm an 8.5. What do I do now?


I'm not really sure what all your back stories are.



minimized said:


> Can't you see we're all desperate for your sage wisdom and uninterested in our virgin sausage one?


:eyes


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> I'm not really sure what all your back stories are.
> 
> This mainly applies to people who have been alienated based on their looks.
> 
> If that hasn't happened to you, then most likely it doesn't apply.


What do you mean by back stories?

I do get a sense that people are intimidated by my looks. Plus, on top of having SAD, doesn't make things the least bit easier.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> I do get a sense that people are intimidated by my looks.


Hush I'm trying to give them hope now 

Of course there will be outliers.

Unattractive ladies, heed that advice. I am SURROUNDED by less than perfect females who are all hooked up with/married to men (MODEL MATERIAL) way out of their league all because they put themselves out there, had the nerve to be forward and proactive about getting these guys.

It's not always going to be pretty. Maybe he doesn't call you back in a day (or 3). Maybe you have to call him.

Maybe he's not 100% hellbent on you.

But persistence is key.

That's all it boils down to in the end.

I seriously see these situations day in and day out. The less than attractive women know where it's at in terms of being able to go after what they want and not getting down in the gutter when 1 guy doesn't work at. _When you're not too high above the ground the begin with, you don't have that fear of falling._

It's so true.


----------



## calichick




----------



## Schmosby

Cenarius said:


> I don't know why everyone's giving you a hard time. You have a crazy big ego but your advice isn't bad. I might even take your advice and start hitting on girls in grocery stores.


Maybe because taking this kind of advice from someone that's signed up to an SA site, who's found time to make over 3.5k posts is a bit like taking 'how to get clean' advice from a crack head, if cali was really was the person she claims, she wouldn't be wasting time here. No offence meant btw cali I'm not hating on you here, we all have our issues and we are here to support you with yours.



lisbeth said:


> Oh no, I mean I have friends from online and IRL who I technically could ring, though to be honest I feel too scared to ring any friend spontaneously regardless of how I know them (or how well I know them) because I feel like I'm overstepping my bounds and bothering them. It'd be nice to ring because I like talking to people on the phone (never thought I'd say that - shows how much better my SA is) but I don't have the bottle to step up and do it right now. I'd just feel needy and clingy.
> 
> But it's not really the phone call for the sake of having a phone call... what I really mean is it'd be really cool if a guy just wanted to talk to me. Like, "I wonder what Lisbeth's doing", so they picked up the phone instead of texting me. If I had to ask for a call and prompt it, it defeats the purpose because then I'm pushing for something they didn't actually want. And it's their wanting that I want. If somebody texts you it's an idle moment, they're killing time and multitasking, probably texting other people at the same time and having multiple conversations. It's not real personal contact. Hearing someone's voice is really different. People always text these days and a phone call feels like such a big ask. Like, somebody cutting out half an hour or more of their day in order to concentrate on speaking to you without you actually being physically present next to them, and without the purpose of getting some kind of information or making plans, just having speaking to you be that purpose. It probably seems like a small thing but it feels like a lot to expect because it just hasn't happened. Only phone calls I've had from non-friend guys in 2014 were the brief thirty-second "hey, are you here yet? Where are you? oh yeah I'm just round the corner, I'll meet you there" kind of calls. No others, ever. Just endless texts. I haven't had anyone actually ring me. I dunno, I realised lately just how long it is since a non-friend guy actually asked me what I thought about. Or, like, anything much about myself or my opinions really. It's sort of sad. It probably seems really stupid but a phone call would really mean a lot to me.


But I assume you have told all your friends previously that you hate talking on the phone? That's one of the first things I tell people I give my number to, maybe you should get a second sim and a cheap phone and start giving that number out places around the net, get yourself talking to lots of guys, then you can transfer all the nice non pervy ones on to your real number, there are plenty of nice lonely guys out there, so it shouldn't be too hard to find a few genuine ones that just enjoy talking to you.


----------



## watermelonn

I really don't want to think about attractiveness levels too much. I'm probably 7, but every guy that has shown me interest is usually above me. Regardless of attractiveness, because of my social anxiety and other problems my relationships or dating in general doesn't last long. So far what I've witnessed in real life, it is really the personality with looks that will keep you together with someone. Some guys that I think are attractive and fun to be with, but in the long run I wouldn't want to have a real relationship with them because we don't 'click'.

To me compatibility has become the major thing - and I've found it's really hard to find though (to me). And, just because of that it is important to focus on how to flirt, how to enjoy social settings and how to interact with guys - without those you only keep someone interested only a short time (= as long as they are interested only based on your looks) and lack a real connections with guys.


----------



## Schmosby

calichick said:


> Sweetie put me on ignore, thanks.
> 
> I'm not here to prove anything to anyone. I've been a member here for 4 years, joined when I was in a bad place and know what half of the people here are going through.
> 
> Would prefer you not quote me again if I offend you in some way.
> 
> Bye.
> 
> Have a nice life.


Actually I didn't quote you, but as you're not the boss of me I'll reply to this, I'm not asking you to prove anything and I'm not offended by you, I just feel your advice is not based on your personal experience as you claim, also personally I don't think advice is very good, it seems to be based around attracting women botherers to come and bother them, but who wants to be with a woman botherer, those kind of guys will be out on the street hitting on other women while you're at home trying to bring up their kids, that's if they are around at all. I would assume that most women here want real men that genuinely love and care for them, faithful family men, that will actually stick around, not simply some model material to show off to their friends. I also don't like the fact you talk down to these women that you appear to feel are inferior to you as they are not a 10 on this imaginary attractiveness scale and that you appear to feel that a mans worth is also measured on this imaginary attractiveness scale. As you will see from the 'post the cutest guy you've ever seen' thread it really is different strokes for different folks, a man's looks are not going not going to help you bring up your kids or be there for you when your chihuahua dies.


----------



## calichick

/ignored

Have a nice life.


----------



## calichick

Sin said:


> ME ME ME :boogie


Done.

Have a nice life. (Don't know who you are to begin with?)

The SAS lurker culture :afr


----------



## dal user

calichick said:


> Done.
> 
> Have a nice life.
> 
> Anybody else? Rich91?
> 
> You're never coming off of it. Let me know


Go for it

I dont particularly care

Adios


----------



## dal user

SA go0n said:


> *Oh come on now. Your negative thinking is the reason you don't get girls.* If you would just turn that frown upside down the girls would flock to you........you know I'm joking. Personality is just a compliment, and by itself really doesn't accomplish much. I'm not saying it wouldn't help an average looking person get dates, but if you look below average, you would just come off as a big weirdo.....like I do. How is this thread not locked yet anyways?


Im not sure if you were being serious there or not?

Either way I get tired of hearing that statement thrown around here too much. Negative thinking isn't my problems, its my negative ugly looks thats the problem.


----------



## calichick

Rich91 said:


> Go for it
> 
> I dont particularly care
> 
> Adios


Bye.

If I ever make a goodbye thread, I'm gonna try my best to not come back after 6 whole hours.

Have a nice life.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

I'll let you be calichick, but I just want to know one thing. How model status are you?


----------



## gunner21

Bert Reynolds said:


> I'll let you be calichick, but I just want to know one thing. How model status are you?





> Originally Posted by calichick View Post
> I don't like scales. If you can imagine what a model looks like, then that's me.
> 
> And not some cheap ***** amateur "model" at 5'6 with average feautures just using their youth and body to make their worth seem inflated.
> 
> Like, an actual model.


I only know this because of mindovermood's signature.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

gunner21 said:


> I only know this because of mindovermood's signature.


That signature is the reason I'm asking, on top of all of her claims. I'd need some visual confirmation.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> That signature is the reason I'm asking, on top of all of her claims. I'd need some visual confirmation.


Exactly what are you asking for if it hasn't been asked before


----------



## dal user

calichick said:


> Bye.
> 
> If I ever make a goodbye thread, I'm gonna try my best to not come back after 6 whole hours.
> 
> Have a nice life.


Okay then

Keep running and dont stop


----------



## zoslow

Rich91 said:


> Im not sure if you were being serious there or not?
> 
> Either way I get tired of hearing that statement thrown around here too much. Negative thinking isn't my problems, its my negative ugly looks thats the problem.


The flaw with your thinking is that you are attributing everything to your supposedly ugly looks. A lot of guys that to put it bluntly aren't very pleasant to look at still scores women, some of the times quite attractive ones. Why do you think that is if looks is everything?

You said you are funny but being funny on it's own is hardly enough to attract anyone. Obviously I don't know you as a person but I'm inclined to believe at least a part of your problem comes from having a negative outlook or a personality that isn't helping you much in getting it on with women. Looks matters but looks aren't everything.


----------



## SA go0n

Rich91 said:


> Im not sure if you were being serious there or not?
> 
> Either way I get tired of hearing that statement thrown around here too much. Negative thinking isn't my problems, its my negative ugly looks thats the problem.


I was joking. Sorry for the confusion.


----------



## lisbeth

komorikun said:


> Everyone says this but I get the feeling that it's not true. Some sort of SAS or dating advice mantra. People like to say that about themselves so as to not appear shallow. I think it's more like it's the looks that not only spark the initial attraction but also keep the person interested as long as.....the personality isn't too horrific. I mean have to get along to some extent and probably be of the same social class.
> 
> I think the thing is they have to feel like you are a catch. If they can bag girls just as pretty as you are relatively easily, then they will be on to the next chick in no time.


Yeah, that's the thing, you gotta have both. Most young women are attractive so a guy liking how you look only gets your foot in the door. There'll be some other girl who looks pretty much the same as you who's also confident and sparkly and happy and whatever. I agree with what Watermelonn said:



watermelonn said:


> I really don't want to think about attractiveness levels too much. I'm probably 7, but every guy that has shown me interest is usually above me. Regardless of attractiveness, because of my social anxiety and other problems my relationships or dating in general doesn't last long. So far what I've witnessed in real life, it is really the personality with looks that will keep you together with someone. Some guys that I think are attractive and fun to be with, but in the long run I wouldn't want to have a real relationship with them because we don't 'click'.
> 
> To me compatibility has become the major thing - and I've found it's really hard to find though (to me). And, just because of that it is important to focus on how to flirt, how to enjoy social settings and how to interact with guys - without those you only keep someone interested only a short time (= as long as they are interested only based on your looks) and lack a real connections with guys.


^^ Yepyep.



Waifu said:


> If you want a guy to date you and not just pump and dump you have to offer something to his life that he can't get elsewhere. He doesn't need your companionship he has friends and he doesn't need sex that's what hoes are for. What he needs is someone to take care of and let him feel like a strong man protector. Be weak and fragile and feminine and helpless and make him take care of you and he'll never let you leave his life.


Orrrr he'll think you're needy and crazy and stop talking to you ASAP.



Schmosby said:


> But I assume you have told all your friends previously that you hate talking on the phone? That's one of the first things I tell people I give my number to, maybe you should get a second sim and a cheap phone and start giving that number out places around the net, get yourself talking to lots of guys, then you can transfer all the nice non pervy ones on to your real number, there are plenty of nice lonely guys out there, so it shouldn't be too hard to find a few genuine ones that just enjoy talking to you.


Nope, I don't tell them I hate talking on the phone... they just don't usually call unless it's asking me to come out somewhere off the cuff. Making arrangements rather than conversation. I have had a few proper calls with friends but it's been really rare.

Also oh lord nooo I don't wanna give my number out to strangers. I think you've misunderstood me. It's not that I just want to talk to any random person on the phone. It's that if I were going out with someone I would want them to ring me.


----------



## McFly

lisbeth said:


> Orrrr he'll think you're needy and crazy and stop talking to you ASAP.


Guys definitely want to be a hero to their woman. There is a difference between a girl being needy and girl needing her man as a protector.


----------



## Alas Babylon

Waifu said:


> If you want a guy to date you and not just pump and dump you have to offer something to his life that he can't get elsewhere. He doesn't need your companionship he has friends and he doesn't need sex that's what hoes are for. What he needs is someone to take care of and let him feel like a strong man protector. Be weak and fragile and feminine and helpless and make him take care of you and he'll never let you leave his life.


Dear lord, the redpill is leaking isn't it?



George McFly said:


> Guys definitely want to be a hero to their woman. There is a difference between a girl being needy and girl needing her man as a protector.


I'd say what Waifu is describing is more on the 'needy' side for a lot of guys. Most guys I know of aren't looking for someone made out of glass.

Do guys like feminine girls? Yes of course they do. Do they like being manly? Yes again, of course they do.

But they also, just maybe, might like having a relationship with some semblance of a healthy dynamic going on. Just saying.


----------



## McFly

Alas Babylon said:


> Dear lord, the redpill is leaking isn't it?
> 
> Speak for yourself. I'd definitely say what Waifu is describing is definitely on the 'needy' side for a lot of guys.


Obviously I wasn't talking about every man on the planet. Chill the ef out.


----------



## Darktower776

Just wondering if you ladies ever try to show you are interested in a guy? More than like a silent, quick look from across the room.

Would any of you pass a guy you were interested in and say "Hi"?


----------



## veron

^No and no.


----------



## Darktower776

veron said:


> ^No and no.


Is that because of your SA? If so I can understand, it's what makes it so hard for a lot of guys with SA to approach a female they like.

I'm just saying that if you want or are trying to get a guy then it would really help to let him know in some small way that you (not specifically you) are interested.

Just speaking for myself, if I find a girl attractive and would like to talk to her, one of the biggest reasons that I wouldn't was if she seemed completely uninterested in me.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> Yeah, that's the thing, you gotta have both. Most young women are attractive so a guy liking how you look only gets your foot in the door. There'll be some other girl who looks pretty much the same as you who's also confident and sparkly and happy and whatever. I agree with what Watermelonn said.


What are you looking for, non-exclusive dating or a committed LT relationship?


----------



## lisbeth

crimeclub said:


> What are you looking for, non-exclusive dating or a committed LT relationship?


Does it have to be one extreme or the other?

I don't want somebody who is seeing other people but I don't want to sign my life away for two years either.


----------



## SilentLyric

lisbeth said:


> Does it have to be one extreme or the other?
> 
> I don't want somebody who is seeing other people but I don't want to sign my life away for two years either.


Man, I wish more girls were cool like this.


----------



## knightofdespair

lisbeth said:


> Does it have to be one extreme or the other?
> 
> I don't want somebody who is seeing other people but I don't want to sign my life away for two years either.


So you don't want to commit at all but you expect him to?


----------



## tbyrfan

Darktower776 said:


> Just wondering if you ladies ever try to show you are interested in a guy? More than like a silent, quick look from across the room.
> 
> Would any of you pass a guy you were interested in and say "Hi"?


When I was a teenager, the few times I gathered the courage to say hi to and smile at a guy I liked led to them laughing in my face and calling me ugly. Most girls I know have learned the hard way that you NEVER show interest in a guy first unless you are nearly perfect-looking.


----------



## lisbeth

knightofdespair said:


> So you don't want to commit at all but you expect him to?


What? No.

I am a perpetual sufferer of "oneitis". If I like someone then I don't even really want to be texting other guys let alone anything else, though I tried to force myself to because I knew/suspected they were with other girls too and I thought it'd stop me getting so attached if I tried to do the same. I thought it'd even out the playing field. Didn't work. Still got attached. And juggling plates doesn't suit me. I'll drop the plate even if there's only one.

I just don't wanna structure my whole life around one other person when I don't really know what I want my own life to be like yet. I don't want to feel obligated to involve them in important decisions I make, because I want to make those myself. If I suddenly want to make a big change in my life (I'm 20 years old, this is the time to do it) then I want to be able to make that change without having to get somebody else's approval on it. If I decide to up sticks and move somewhere, I want the freedom to do that. If I want to completely change direction with job/education, I want the freedom to do that. I don't want to have them thinking my money is their business, or vice versa. I don't want to have to see somebody every single day and pass up going out with platonic friends if the other person wants to stay in and eat or watch TV with me. I don't want to have to prioritise somebody above every person who's close to me platonically. I don't want to lose my privacy or my space or my time alone. If I had to include somebody in every aspect of my life, I would feel really suffocated. I'm sure I'm not going to be ready for anything serious like that for another 3-5 years.


----------



## Darktower776

tbyrfan said:


> When I was a teenager, the few times I gathered the courage to say hi to and smile at a guy I liked led to them laughing in my face and calling me ugly. Most girls I know have learned the hard way that you NEVER show interest in a guy first unless you are nearly perfect-looking.


Was that in school or out in public?


----------



## Wirt

tbyrfan said:


> When I was a teenager, the few times I gathered the courage to say hi to and smile at a guy I liked led to them laughing in my face and calling me ugly. Most girls I know have learned the hard way that you NEVER show interest in a guy first unless you are nearly perfect-looking.


I'm sure guys have had the same experience too.


----------



## tbyrfan

Darktower776 said:


> Was that in school or out in public?


School is in public.



VipFuj said:


> I'm sure guys have had the same experience too.


They definitely have.


----------



## Darktower776

tbyrfan said:


> School is in public.


Maybe but there is a big difference in my opinion. In school you all sort of know each other or least vaguely, there are cliques, known social circles, levels of popularity and all that crap. In public not quite the same.

Have you ever tried it outside of school though?


----------



## donzen

tbyrfan said:


> When I was a teenager, the few times I gathered the courage to say hi to and smile at a guy I liked led to them laughing in my face and calling me ugly. Most girls I know have learned the hard way that you NEVER show interest in a guy first unless you are nearly perfect-looking.


You shouldn't hit on supermodels or badboys.


----------



## tbyrfan

Darktower776 said:


> Maybe but there is a big difference in my opinion. In school you all sort of know each other or least vaguely, there are cliques, known social circles, levels of popularity and all that crap. In public not quite the same.


I know people who have and have been shot down. It doesn't matter where you are.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> I know people who have and have been shot down. It doesn't matter where you are.


Rejection is a part of life. When you're socially anxious it feels really serious but everyone is going to get rejected sometimes. I can think of a few times I've been rejected off the bat by a guy I expressed interest in and a few times when it's gone down positively. You can't be everyone's type. When it's someone you don't really know it's not really a big deal, outside of the SA - you have no investment, it's just the SA causes you to blame yourself and see it as a personal failing. A stranger not being interested in me isn't really much skin off my nose. I get really upset when it's someone I knew and had thought liked me.

I think the whole do-or-don't-approach is a can of worms for girls. The best thing to do is to do it in such a way that the guy thinks it was his idea. Much easier said than done.


----------



## Darktower776

lisbeth said:


> I think the whole do-or-don't-approach is a can of worms for girls. The best thing to do is to do it in such a way that the guy thinks it was his idea. Much easier said than done.


That's pretty good advice. I just think that if a girl wants to get a guy's attention then she might want to give him at least a slight hint that she is interested. She doesn't even have to say a word.

I thought the other poster's advice earlier about lingering around a little longer than needed near the guy- maybe pretending to look at something on the shelf close to him- gives the guy an opening to say something to a girl. She could even glance at him when she is doing that.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> Rejection is a part of life. When you're socially anxious it feels really serious but everyone is going to get rejected sometimes. I can think of a few times I've been rejected off the bat by a guy I expressed interest in and a few times when it's gone down positively. You can't be everyone's type. When it's someone you don't really know it's not really a big deal, outside of the SA - you have no investment, it's just the SA causes you to blame yourself and see it as a personal failing. A stranger not being interested in me isn't really much skin off my nose. I get really upset when it's someone I knew and had thought liked me.


Yes, it's a part of life, but being bullied shouldn't be. It's not "no big deal" when you say hi to someone and they respond by telling you to go kill yourself because you're ugly. If a guy isn't interested in a girl, it isn't that hard to be polite.


----------



## lisbeth

Darktower776 said:


> That's pretty good advice. I just think that if a girl wants to get a guy's attention then she might want to give him at least a hint that she is interested. She doesn't even have to say a word.
> 
> I thought the other poster's advice earlier about lingering around a little longer than needed near the guy- maybe pretending to look at something on the shelf close to him- gives the guy an opening to say something to a girl. could even glance at him when she is doing that.


I've done the 'hi' and the big smile a couple of times, and once I think it was something like 'hi, I like your tattoo..'. That one went down well. But then I let him lead from there. I haven't really done anything more overt than the initial icebreaker, as far as I can remember. Actually, tell a lie, I've said "let me give you my number" once or twice when it's been really obvious someone was interested but I had to leave. but like, really obvious. We're not talking any real risks or bravery on my part there. I've found ways to show my interest (usually with liquid confidence tbh) but I've always taken a pretty passive role after that.

It's weird to think that less than a year ago I was meeting a guy a week on average and now I just don't at all. Haven't in months. For a little while I was going out a lot and talking to a lot of people (male and female) who I didn't know but I don't really do that any more. I will again in a couple of months I hope. Idk.



tbyrfan said:


> Yes, it's a part of life, but being bullied shouldn't be. It's not "no big deal" when you say hi to someone and they respond by telling you to go kill yourself because you're ugly. If a guy isn't interested in a girl, it isn't that hard to be polite.


That sounds like the kind of thing that would have happened to me in secondary school. It makes me sad to hear that even adults can be that sociopathic. It's hard to picture anyone being so openly and deliberately cruel and getting away with it. I can't imagine how someone who acts like that can hold down friends or a job or anything that involves other people.

sorry for the typos in this post and that random words or letters are deleted from quotes. Backspacing anything I type on my phone tends to get a little weird because the cursor moves.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Darktower776 said:


> That's pretty good advice. I just think that if a girl wants to get a guy's attention then she might want to give him at least a slight hint that she is interested. She doesn't even have to say a word.
> 
> I thought the other poster's advice earlier about lingering around a little longer than needed near the guy- maybe pretending to look at something on the shelf close to him- gives the guy an opening to say something to a girl. She could even glance at him when she is doing that.


I'm guessing just talking to guys isn't a great idea to be honest, I've spoken to many guys before and they've never assumed I was interested or tried to make a move. The only times guys have asked me out in the past is when we've hung out for a considerable amount of time.

I think it's probably more about your body language than just hanging around. If you look really withdrawn and anxious (like I know I often do,) it's not going to work well.


----------



## lisbeth

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm guessing just talking to guys isn't a great idea to be honest, I've spoken to many guys before and they've never assumed I was interested or tried to make a move. The only times guys have asked me out in the past is when we've hung out for a considerable amount of time.
> 
> I think it's probably more about your body language than just hanging around. If you look really withdrawn and anxious (like I know I often do,) it's not going to work well.


I think the same advice men get in 'friendzone' threads applies here. If you act platonic, people assume you want platonic.

Just out of interest: how many girls here have experienced the 'friendzone' stereotype? Like, a guy you thought was just a friend confessing he has feelings for you? It's never happened to me. I've had male friends who turned out to want sex (I didn't) but none have ever actually been interested in me. Apart from that one aspect they've definitely only seen me as a friend. I wonder how common it actually is.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

lisbeth said:


> I think the same advice men get in 'friendzone' threads applies here. If you act platonic, people assume you want platonic.
> 
> Just out of interest: how many girls here have experienced the 'friendzone' stereotype? Like, a guy you thought was just a friend confessing he has feelings for you? It's never happened to me. I've had male friends who turned out to want sex (I didn't) but none have ever actually been interested in me. Apart from that one aspect they've definitely only seen me as a friend. I wonder how common it actually is.


It's happened twice. Though, only after months of friendship in both cases. I would be really bummed if that happened after years or something and I didn't reciprocate, that would effectively ruin the friendship I guess.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> That sounds like the kind of thing that would have happened to me in secondary school. It makes me sad to hear that even adults can be that sociopathic. It's hard to picture anyone being so openly and deliberately cruel and getting away with it. I can't imagine how someone who acts like that can hold down friends or a job or anything that involves other people.


Yup. It's pretty standard here. And the people who do it are sometimes quite well-liked.


----------



## Darktower776

tbyrfan said:


> Yes, it's a part of life, but being bullied shouldn't be. It's not "no big deal" when you say hi to someone and they respond by telling you to go kill yourself because you're ugly. If a guy isn't interested in a girl, it isn't that hard to be polite.


Good lord. Have you ever thought of moving away from there, because from your stories it sounds like there is an inordinate amount of sociopaths running around.


----------



## Darktower776

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm guessing just talking to guys isn't a great idea to be honest, I've spoken to many guys before and they've never assumed I was interested or tried to make a move. The only times guys have asked me out in the past is when we've hung out for a considerable amount of time.


Did you go up and talk to them because you were interested in them romantically or more like just a platonic approach? I mean I don't assume that any girl that strikes up a conversation with me is trying to make a move on me. I guess it depends more on the situation and where I'm what and what I'm doing.



> I think it's probably more about your body language than just hanging around. If you look really withdrawn and anxious (like I know I often do,) it's not going to work well.


Yeah body language and the general vibe from the person is important. I guess, like some of the advice given to guys on here, it might work better if we didn't have SA but, well, we do. I don't know if I can explain it but usually (maybe closer to sometimes) I can tell fairly well if a girl is interested and not just lingering because I'm standing near something she needs to get. But yeah, if I look at her face and there is zero eye contact and she looks completely withdrawn then I'd think that she definitely wasn't interested.

Sometimes girls will give a guy "the look" and you can almost feel it. Don't know if most girls know how to do that but it's what tipped me off a few times.


----------



## calichick

@lisbeth I think it's more common for women to friendzone men. 

Where do you make these guy friends to begin with? I've been trying to make guy friends since 15, but most men I've encountered aren't interested in just being friends.

A lot of them need incentive to get to know a girl beyond a personal level, not simply wanting to be back up :lol (or maybe I just get the jerky bunch- after I expressed disinterest in this one guy, he completely treated me like I had fallen off planet earth. Non existent in his eyes. I didn't even reject him outright but played nonchalant around the topic)

I really have a hard time believing a female male platonic thing can be possible. (I've had 3 gay friendships though - gay men are my pride and joy)

Even if I'm not into the guy in the slightest bit, if he starts bringing up other women, I get jealous. #femaleproblems


----------



## calichick

What's the point in being friends with men anyhow?


----------



## AussiePea

It's definitely possible to have a platonic male/female r-ship, however I think for it to be possible generally either both parties need to have no physical attraction or if there is, something would have gone down and resulted in them mutually deciding it wouldn't work, but still connected as friends. The latter is the case with me and my bestie of 5 years, but until we had tried and decided no, we couldn't have just been friends like we are now.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> What's the point in being friends with men anyhow?


Fun...pass the time till you die..etc..I don't know...


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Darktower776 said:


> *Did you go up and talk to them because you were interested in them romantically or more like just a platonic approach? *I mean I don't assume that any girl that strikes up a conversation with me is trying to make a move on me. I guess it depends more on the situation and where I'm what and what I'm doing.
> 
> Yeah body language and the general vibe from the person is important. I guess, like some of the advice given to guys on here, it might work better if we didn't have SA but, well, we do. I don't know if I can explain it but usually (maybe closer to sometimes) I can tell fairly well if a girl is interested and not just lingering because I'm standing near something she needs to get. But yeah, if I look at her face and there is zero eye contact and she looks completely withdrawn then I'd think that she definitely wasn't interested.
> 
> Sometimes girls will give a guy "the look" and you can almost feel it. Don't know if most girls know how to do that but it's what tipped me off a few times.


Both, but I have like no... I'm hopeless basically lol. I think a couple of times when I was younger, it must have been obvious but sometimes guys just aren't interested as well anyway.

I'm sure many women on this forum won't be as bad as I am, or are at least better actors than I am. Just saying if anyone tries a lot and has no success that could be part of it.



calichick said:


> What's the point in being friends with men anyhow?


What's the point in being friends with anyone?



AussiePea said:


> It's definitely possible to have a platonic male/female r-ship, however I think for it to be possible generally either both parties need to have no physical attraction or if there is, something would have gone down and resulted in them mutually deciding it wouldn't work, but still connected as friends. The latter is the case with me and my bestie of 5 years, but until we had tried and decided no, we couldn't have just been friends like we are now.


Yeah, I agree.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> Rejection is a part of life. When you're socially anxious it feels really serious but everyone is going to get rejected sometimes. I can think of a few times I've been rejected off the bat by a guy I expressed interest in and a few times when it's gone down positively. You can't be everyone's type. When it's someone you don't really know it's not really a big deal, outside of the SA - you have no investment, it's just the SA causes you to blame yourself and see it as a personal failing. A stranger not being interested in me isn't really much skin off my nose. I get really upset when it's someone I knew and had thought liked me.


This is pretty much what I'm working on. Not taking dating-rejection so hard. Logically there's not really a ton of reason to take it personally or be angry with anyone (provided there was no foul-play or leading on), you can't actively change what your preferences are, you're born with them and they probably only change slowly throughout the course of your life. So when I take a girl out and if it turns out that she's not interested then really the only justifiable emotion to feel is a little disappointment since I can't really be personally hurt by the fact that, just like me, her preferences dictate her decision-making. It's a pretty basic idea but it's still sometimes hard to put logic in the driver-seat and keep the emotions in the back.

The real issue I deal with is feeling upset with myself for being rejected when I wasn't able to accurately represent myself. If the anxiety really starts kicking in on a date then I'm a completely different person, I just turn boring and the conversation starts feeling forced, it ****ing sucks, and then in her mind that's just who I am.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> generally either both parties need to have no physical attraction


That's true, I just don't have enough incentive to actively seek out ugly men for the purpose of forming something I could so easily have with women.

I'm too territorial about my men is the problem, I never understood women like above who can openly and willingly allow their guys to date around (low self-esteem ? ? ?), get a feel for other women, treat them as part of a 'team'.

My man better only have eyes for me, and if I catch him straying, he's f***ing OUT :lol



Persephone The Dread said:


> What's the point in being friends with anyone?


Emotional support, common interests and a non-sexual chemistry.

Is a straight man going to talk about pretty blouses or male relationship problems with me?

Not a believer, sorry.


----------



## AussiePea

calichick said:


> Emotional support, common interests and a non-sexual chemistry.
> 
> Is a straight man going to talk about pretty blouses or male relationship problems with me?
> 
> Not a believer, sorry.


Well actually this makes up a lot of my conversations with mine, I've lost track of the amount of time's I've had help her decide on her next nail polish colour, but also the amount of times we've discussed petty male dominated interests such as motor sport. Anyway I think there's this misconception about what men like to discuss thanks to what stigmas society has created over time, but one thing I have been so grateful for with having an extremely close female friend is actually being able to be emotionally open and discuss those parts of life, because at the end of the day, both men and woman are dealing with the same emotions in life and we really are not that dissimilar, men just bottle that **** up for the most part because you can't be seen having an emotional conversation with another guy, oh noes, how embarrassing yadda yadda yadda.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> Well actually this makes up a lot of my conversations with mine, I've lost track of the amount of time's I've had help her decide on her next nail polish colour, but also the amount of times we've discussed petty male dominated interests such as motor sport. Anyway I think there's this misconception about what men like to discuss thanks to what stigmas society has created over time, but one thing I have been so grateful for with having an extremely close female friend is actually being able to be emotionally open and discuss those parts of life, because at the end of the day, both men and woman are dealing with the same emotions in life and we really are not that dissimilar, men just bottle that **** up for the most part because you can't be seen having an emotional conversation with another guy, oh noes, how embarrassing yadda yadda yadda.


The nail polish bit -----> whipped

How did you and the platonic Miss meet and who approached who is just what I'm curious to know about all of your SM-SF friendships?

There is this guy I might try it out on actually right now. I have zilch attraction to him and he's messaged me after a few years of God knows what when he got laid off and I never saw him after.

There is the whole issue of misleading guys. I feel like a lot of the times I'm guilty of doing it whether intentionally or unintentionally.

How exactly do you establish those boundaries, I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS without hurting his feelings,

Is that even possible I am not a believer yet. Guys just make things super awkward right off the bat it's not even funny so I'm glad that this one guy is being so nonintrusive.


----------



## calichick

I can just imagine a scenario, we're out at dinner and he leans in for a kiss.

That s*** just got awkward.

But but we're just friends!!

If this goes wrong AP I'm blaming it all on you FYI.


:lol


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> Emotional support, common interests and a non-sexual chemistry.
> 
> Is a straight man going to talk about pretty blouses or male relationship problems with me?
> 
> Not a believer, sorry.


I used to know a straight guy who liked talking about stuff like that, and had some very stereotypically feminine interests, and to be honest, was probably more typically feminine than me because I'm slightly tomboyish.

Generally though no, at least on the blouse thing, but that's not the only reason to be friends with a guy. Mutual interests, because they're a cool person etc. What are you interested in Calichick?


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> I used to know a straight guy who liked talking about stuff like that, and had some very stereotypically feminine interests, and to be honest, was probably more typically feminine than me because I'm slightly tomboyish.
> 
> Generally though no, at least on the blouse thing, but that's not the only reason to be friends with a guy. Mutual interests, because they're a cool person etc. What are you interested in Calichick?


I have a guy right now who comes from the same background as me so we probably have the same things to discuss, I'm going to try it out but from previous experience I've just found that most men aren't looking for strictly talking.

And I sure as hell am not going to approach a man and ask him to come watch a movie with me :lol

We'll see. He's a nice guy.

And YES I know what you mean about the metro thing. Had a friend, THE gayest demeanor possible. Tells me 2 months later he's straight.

Yeaaa buddy, when your laptop is filled with half naked men, not a good sign.


----------



## AussiePea

calichick said:


> The nail polish bit -----> whipped
> 
> How did you and the platonic Miss meet and who approached who is just what I'm curious to know about all of your SM-SF friendships?
> 
> There is this guy I might try it out on actually right now. I have zilch attraction to him and he's messaged me after a few years of God knows what when he got laid off and I never saw him after.
> 
> There is the whole issue of misleading guys. I feel like a lot of the times I'm guilty of doing it whether intentionally or unintentionally.
> 
> How exactly do you establish those boundaries, I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS without hurting his feelings,
> 
> Is that even possible I am not a believer yet. Guys just make things super awkward right off the bat it's not even funny so I'm glad that this one guy is being so nonintrusive.


Not whipped, just completely comfortable with my sexuality and in a very good friendship where any conversation goes. This backs up my point about the warping of expectations thanks to social stigmas. And it was mutual all the way through, a case of natural progression. Men can happily discuss female topics and vice versa, amazing I know.

Thing is, you can't just go up to a guy and ask if he just wants to be friends, it really does require rare circumstance to genuinely work imo, and probably some awkward times in-between before the boundaries are set.


----------



## Tangerine

calichick said:


> The nail polish bit -----> whipped
> 
> How did you and the platonic Miss meet and who approached who is just what I'm curious to know about all of your SM-SF friendships?
> 
> There is this guy I might try it out on actually right now. I have zilch attraction to him and he's messaged me after a few years of God knows what when he got laid off and I never saw him after.
> 
> There is the whole issue of misleading guys. I feel like a lot of the times I'm guilty of doing it whether intentionally or unintentionally.
> 
> How exactly do you establish those boundaries, I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS without hurting his feelings,
> 
> Is that even possible I am not a believer yet. Guys just make things super awkward right off the bat it's not even funny so I'm glad that this one guy is being so nonintrusive.


I happen to be the chick in question here. We met through SAS. Originally neither of us were interested in each other romantically. We just chilled out and talked. I'm in a relationship and we've both given each other dating advice and helped each other find significant others, helped improve each other's dating website profiles and so on.

I also have other guy friends IRL. One was attracted to me, but found a girlfriend soon after, which I encouraged. The easiest scenario is to be a decent wing girl.

You need to establish boundaries. Say things to make it seem like you're taken or to help them in their romantic life (which doesn't include you). For example: if they say something that insinuates a date, say "yeah I could totally look at your dating profile for you if you need some tips."

Block that **** off the bat and you're good. Do not flirt (seems pretty basic) and do not respond to flirting. Don't send smilies if he flirts, don't send wink faces.

better yet, straight out say, "Oh was that an advance? sorry I'm only interested in friends. DONT Be afraid of boundaries.

As for the nail polish thing..I just paint my nails.. a lot..it's therapeutic so it comes up a lot when asked "what are you doing?"

Oh. I'm also friends with a guy who only dates black chicks, so that makes it easy and comfortable to hang out with him. so there's that. :b


----------



## calichick

I know, it has to be work or school. 


I have the perfect candidate like I said. He's shorter than me really scrawny, we're old coworkers, we've been at the same grind before. Was going to blow him off when he messaged me, but I'm going to try to friend zone him.

I had another coworker though that fit that description and asked me out to drinks. Shorter, scrawny, older. Dude was married.

Some guys these days have the balls....

BUT yea, asking a girl out to drinks is platonic, right? :lol

MEN


----------



## AussiePea

Tangerine said:


> I happen to be the chick in question here. We met through SAS. Originally neither of us were interested in each other romantically. We just chilled out and talked. I'm in a relationship and we've both given each other dating advice and helped each other find significant others, helped improve each other's dating website profiles and so on.
> 
> I also have other guy friends IRL. One was attracted to me, but found a girlfriend soon after, which I encouraged. The easiest scenario is to be a decent wing girl.
> 
> You need to establish boundaries. Say things to make it seem like you're taken or to help them in their romantic life (which doesn't include you). For example: if they say something that insinuates a date, say "yeah I could totally look at your dating profile for you if you need some tips."
> 
> Block that **** off the bat and you're good. Do not flirt (seems pretty basic) and do not respond to flirting. Don't send smilies if he flirts, don't send wink faces.
> 
> better yet, straight out say, "Oh was that an advance? sorry I'm only interested in friends. DONT Be afraid of boundaries.
> 
> As for the nail polish thing..I just paint my nails.. a lot..it's therapeutic so it comes up a lot when asked "what are you doing?"
> 
> Oh. I'm also friends with a guy who only dates black chicks, so that makes it easy and comfortable to hang out with him. so there's that. :b


errrr you're not my best female friend....

awkwarrrddd.

But yes, MEN!


----------



## calichick

Tangerine said:


> I happen to be the chick in question here. We met through SAS. Originally neither of us were interested in each other romantically. We just chilled out and talked. I'm in a relationship and we've both given each other dating advice and helped each other find significant others, helped improve each other's dating website profiles and so on.
> 
> I also have other guy friends IRL. One was attracted to me, but found a girlfriend soon after, which I encouraged. The easiest scenario is to be a decent wing girl.
> 
> You need to establish boundaries. Say things to make it seem like you're taken or to help them in their romantic life (which doesn't include you). For example: if they say something that insinuates a date, say "yeah I could totally look at your dating profile for you if you need some tips."
> 
> Block that **** off the bat and you're good. Do not flirt (seems pretty basic) and do not respond to flirting. Don't send smilies if he flirts, don't send wink faces.
> 
> better yet, straight out say, "Oh was that an advance? sorry I'm only interested in friends. DONT Be afraid of boundaries.
> 
> As for the nail polish thing..I just paint my nails.. a lot..it's therapeutic so it comes up a lot when asked "what are you doing?"
> 
> Oh. I'm also friends with a guy who only dates black chicks, so that makes it easy and comfortable to hang out with him. so there's that. :b


It's easier online though to meet male friends versus real life you have to admit.

"Are you dating anyone?" Thinks I'm coming on to him
"Do you think that girl over there is attractive?" I would never say that.
"How is your girlfriend?" I don't have a girlfriend, I'm interested in you (possibly)
"Oh was that an advance, I'm only interested in being friends" I literally don't think I could say that to a person, ever.

Not flirting is not as basic as it seems, like I said earlier in the thread, my way of dealing with most men is flirting. I seriously have it on all the time, it's hard for me to converse with men trying to be friendly but not making it seem like I'm coming on to them.

Anyways I'm going to try it out thanks for all your advice. We shall see.

Ironically it's much more difficult to make friends with them above all else.

I really need this actually, now that you mentioned the wingman scenario. I'm excited about this..


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> errrr you're not my best female friend....
> 
> awkwarrrddd.
> 
> But yes, MEN!


Don't lie, you liked her at first.

C'mon, I've been a member here too long and received too many messages.

Dish it AP. She friend zoned you :lol

*Friend Zone* The state that a man, who is so completely in love with a woman that he's willing to listen to her BS relationship garbage and go to froyo with on a Saturday afternoon in the chance that he'll eventually make her see him in a romantic light, is placed in.

lool


----------



## Tangerine

calichick said:


> It's easier online though to meet male friends versus real life you have to admit.
> 
> "Are you dating anyone?" Thinks I'm coming on to him
> "Do you think that girl over there is attractive?" I would never say that.
> "How is your girlfriend?" I don't have a girlfriend, I'm interested in you (possibly)
> "Oh was that an advance, I'm only interested in being friends" I literally don't think I could say that to a person, ever.
> 
> Not flirting is not as basic as it seems, like I said earlier in the thread, my way of dealing with most men is flirting. I seriously have it on all the time, it's hard for me to converse with men trying to be friendly but not making it seem like I'm coming on to them.
> 
> Anyways I'm going to try it out thanks for all your advice. We shall see.
> 
> Ironically it's much more difficult to make friends with them above all else.


1) "Are you dating anyone?" = Don't ask this question. Just wait for him to say if he is or isn't, or find out another way if you must. You can say "God I love being single I wouldn't want to be in a relationship don't you agree?" and see what he says, for instance. Or just don't say anything regarding their dating status. Afterall it's not really needed off the bat information regarding friends

2) "Do you think that girl over there is attractive?" You don't need to say that really, it's the kind of talk that comes naturally when you're platonically friends with a guy after awhile. At least in my experience.

3) "How is your girlfriend?" Again, just don't mention Significant other stuff. Or politely decline. To get the results we want in life, we HAVE to exert our boundaries. It's difficult stuff, but you will be rewarded in the end with happy non sexually tension laden normal male to female friendships (So worth it)

"I would never say that" or "I would never do that" are deterrents for change. It's healthy to change, and most importantly: you're still you. Just because you may tweak the way you speak to men you aren't interested in, doesn't mean your personality has changed or that you are not being "true to yourself." By deciding to change and wanting to engage in meaningful friendships, you are doing yourself huge favors.

Why do you think you flirt with men? Finding the reason could be very valuable, but I think it's definitely something you can work on. It's hard to change our patterns, but if you prepare beforehand you should be ok. Try to roleplay some situations and think of things you could say that aren't flirting and then try it out. If you find yourself flirting, have something you can say in your mind to detract yourself from it. Most of anxiety and the way we deal with people is learning how to retrain our brains

These are just my late night input while I'm doing a final project for class haha 
Hope it helped somewhat!


----------



## Tangerine

calichick said:


> Don't lie, you liked her at first.
> 
> C'mon, I've been a member here too long and received too many messages.
> 
> Dish it AP. She friend zoned you :lol


Friend zone is a really childish concept that just needs to be left to middle schoolers in my opinion. I have declined men in real life that I'm still friends with because we can both be adults about it and move on. Rejection is a regular part of life.

Friend zone implies that a woman is doing something bad by rejecting, and that we should shame the person who gets rejected. It's all bs nonsense. I don't understand it at all.

Anyway, I was likely more into him at one stage than the other way around. In fact it was probably always one sided. When women get rejected it's rejection, but when men get rejected it's friendzone? I just think it's a pointless idea that really can hinder mature friendships. Idk, just how I think.


----------



## calichick

Tangerine said:


> 1) "Are you dating anyone?" = Don't ask this question. Just wait for him to say if he is or isn't, or find out another way if you must. You can say "God I love being single I wouldn't want to be in a relationship don't you agree?" and see what he says, for instance. Or just don't say anything regarding their dating status. Afterall it's not really needed off the bat information regarding friends
> 
> 2) "Do you think that girl over there is attractive?" You don't need to say that really, it's the kind of talk that comes naturally when you're platonically friends with a guy after awhile. At least in my experience.
> 
> 3) "How is your girlfriend?" Again, just don't mention Significant other stuff. Or politely decline. To get the results we want in life, we HAVE to exert our boundaries. It's difficult stuff, but you will be rewarded in the end with happy non sexually tension laden normal male to female friendships (So worth it)
> 
> "I would never say that" or "I would never do that" are deterrents for change. It's healthy to change, and most importantly: you're still you. Just because you may tweak the way you speak to men you aren't interested in, doesn't mean your personality has changed or that you are not being "true to yourself." By deciding to change and wanting to engage in meaningful friendships, you are doing yourself huge favors.
> 
> Why do you think you flirt with men? Finding the reason could be very valuable, but I think it's definitely something you can work on. It's hard to change our patterns, but if you prepare beforehand you should be ok. Try to roleplay some situations and think of things you could say that aren't flirting and then try it out. If you find yourself flirting, have something you can say in your mind to detract yourself from it. Most of anxiety and the way we deal with people is learning how to retrain our brains
> 
> These are just my late night input while I'm doing a final project for class haha
> Hope it helped somewhat!


Thanksssssss, I'm just going to play_ really_ dumb and not mention anything romantic whatsoever.

I honestly have been using sexuality as a kind of weapon ever since I was young, it's pretty much the common textbook, parental abandonment, never had a male figure to teach me about how to properly behave around men or relate to them on any basis

yah basketcase this basketcase that



Tangerine said:


> Anyway, I was likely more into him at one stage than the other way around. In fact it was probably always one sided. When women get rejected it's rejection, but when men get rejected it's friendzone? I just think it's a pointless idea that really can hinder mature friendships. Idk, just how I think.


women can be put in friendzone? Look at lisbeth's post

but if you say so

just my experience, men on this site are very, _special_.


----------



## titan22846

I've been fasting and losing that stubborn ten pounds and whoring myself on social media. I actually have a girlfriend but I wanna be with a dude.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## calichick

^

Speaking of _special_, Tangerine. LOL perfect timing eh

wonder which dupe account this is now. Ok I figured it out after 2 seconds.


----------



## crimeclub

^
Nice... You should be the head of the SAS welcoming committee.


----------



## calichick

^

Yes cause I'm sure SAS thinks I'm the best member to represent this site.

heh in a parallel world.

We'll leave the job of _being nice and welcoming_ to MM75.


----------



## Alas Babylon

I'm friends with plenty of girls. I thought it was fairly standard fair to be able to be friends with people who have different genitals without wanting to bang them. 

You just do the normal thing and hang out with people who have common interests, it's pretty damn simple. Sometimes those people are girls, sometimes they're guys, sometimes they're neither. No one really cares. 

Move on, s*** happens.


----------



## calichick

Alas Babylon said:


> I thought it was fairly standard fair to be able to be friends with people who have different genitals without wanting to bang them.


Speak for yourself. Some people just give off greater vibes than others.
:roll

Jus saying.


----------



## truant

Do you like this guy as a person, calichick? I mean in a way that you could be friends? I guess I don't really understand what you're trying to do.

Most of my best friends have been women, but I like them as people. I'm not your typical guy, though, so maybe it's different.


----------



## calichick

I think that a lot of this thread is a bunch of BS though.

Komorikun is right.

_Men so easy to read
so easy to please
_
I wish I knew more men with depth to them.

Who cared about non-superficial things.

I don't think I have met *one* in my lifetime who is different.

It's so hard to judge these days whether men are interested in you as a person or just interested in how high you make their ******* go and even when they claim that you have all the values that they're looking for, that you're such a "beautiful soul", it's all fluff.

I am telling all the females here, it is not hard to have a guy fall head over heels for you, what it IS hard to accomplish is having one actually look past the superficial BS and appreciate you, just for you.

I'm sick of life.

I think I'm going to go lesbian sooner than trust a man....


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Most of my best friends have been women, but I like them as people. *I'm not your typical guy, *though, so maybe it's different.


Oh yea, define typical guy and how are you different.

Is your vision OK?

ALL men say they are different. Means nothing.


----------



## Alas Babylon

calichick said:


> Speak for yourself. Some people just give off greater vibes than others.
> :roll
> 
> Jus saying.


Eh, be weirdly cynical if you want, but at the end of the day, it's pretty common to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex.

I mean, what if someone is bisexual? Can they be friends with either men or women in your view?

The obvious answer is yes. Unless you think that sex is everyone's ultimate motivation.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> I think that a lot of this thread is a bunch of BS though.
> 
> Komorikun is right.
> 
> _Men so easy to read
> so easy to please
> _
> I wish I knew more men with depth to them.
> 
> Who cared about non-superficial things.
> 
> I don't think I have met *one* in my lifetime who is different.
> 
> It's so hard to judge these days whether men are interested in you as a person or just interested in how high you make their ******* go and even when they claim that you have all the values that they're looking for, that you're such a "beautiful soul", it's all fluff.
> 
> I am telling all the females here, it is not hard to have a guy fall head over heels for you, what it IS hard to accomplish is having one actually look past the superficial BS and appreciate you, just for you.
> 
> I'm sick of life.
> 
> I think I'm going to go lesbian sooner than trust a man....


Being extremely good looking really can be a major liability to your dating life, if you're looking for something beyond anything physical and with substance. I've dated a couple girls in the past that I'd say were legitimately beautiful, and it was HARD to look passed their beauty, I found myself being too forgiving of shortcomings that would have been deal-breakers in any other case, I often avoided arguments that needed to happen because they looked too pretty, etc. Beautiful women get away with murder. But the fact that us guys are such visual creatures and will see a relationship with those very inaccurate rose-colored glasses if the girl is gorgeous is often the very thing that ends up being the downfall of the relationship. Relationships take unobstructed thought, looks _do_ end up being an obstacle, and if a girls perfect face and rack are keeping me from REALLY thinking about her deal-breakers, then those deal-breakers will surface at some point and ruin the relationship. As superficial and douchie as it makes guys sound, it's really just human nature for a guy to see a beautiful girl and _only_ see her beauty, and that's never a good foundation for a relationship.

Oh yeah, and that's why beautiful women can't have genuine platonic relationships with guys.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Being extremely good looking really can be a major liability to your dating life, if you're looking for something beyond anything physical and with substance. I've dated a couple girls in the past that I'd say were legitimately beautiful, and it was HARD to look passed their beauty, I found myself being too forgiving of shortcomings that would have been deal-breakers in any other case, I often avoided arguments that needed to happen because they looked too pretty, etc. Beautiful women get away with murder. But the fact that us guys are such visual creatures and will see a relationship with those very inaccurate rose-colored glasses if the girl is gorgeous is often the very thing that ends up being the downfall of the relationship. Relationships take unobstructed thought, looks _do_ end up being an obstacle, and if a girls perfect face and rack are keeping me from REALLY thinking about her deal-breakers, then those deal-breakers will surface at some point and ruin the relationship. As superficial and douchie as it makes guys sound, it's really just human nature for a guy to see a beautiful girl and _only_ see her beauty, and that's never a good foundation for a relationship.
> 
> Oh yeah, and that's why beautiful women can't have genuine platonic relationships with guys.


I'm tired of men.

I am sick of meeting the same carbon copy guys who say all the same things.

There's no substance left in the world.

Every time I leave the house, I feel this sense of suffocation, like being on a meat market, usually end up isolating to escape all that.

I need some pills.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> ALL men say they are different. Means nothing.


Sorry, I'm bi and trans but present as a male. I meant it literally.

I'm honestly curious why you want to have a male friend. Is it just an experiment to you? It comes across as boredom, I guess.

You're clearly very clever. I just don't understand why you're spinning your wheels.


----------



## crimeclub

@cal There's plenty of substantial guys in the world. But your alleged looks are basically a billboard advertising fast-food for a restaurant that serves high-end gourmet dishes. You've got a bunch of idiots showing up to your door wanting the fast-food and not paying any mind to the food that has any real substance to it (hmm did that food metaphor make any sense or am I just hungry..) Now let me try to give _you_ some advice.. don't rely on your looks, because you'll only attract a certain kind of guy if that's all you're advertising. You know who isn't going to make stupid decisions when it comes to dating? Intelligent guys. From what I've seen I'd say you're a smart girl with potential, so let your intelligence be a big part of the filtering process when it comes to choosing guys. All the good looking idiot guys out there can **** off and get with a girl who's also just a dime-a-dozen good looking idiot. Compromise a little in the looks department and get with an intelligent and mature guy. I can't speak highly enough for how beneficial maturity and intelligence is (from _both_ parties) in a relationship, if I had more of both I'd probably be happily married and not on this damn website on a friday effing night.

Anyway I'm off to bed SAS, sleep tight and lets pray that our saturday night doesn't involve anything having to do with ****ing SAS.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Sorry, I'm bi and trans but present as a male. I meant it literally.
> 
> I'm honestly curious why you want to have a male friend. Is it just an experiment to you? It comes across as boredom, I guess.
> 
> You're clearly very clever. I just don't understand why you're spinning your wheels.


I want to be able to connect with men on an emotional level.

It's sickening to me how superficial life is and how people (look at the 30 pages here) try to go into formulations and try to make a big fuss about there being more, and it's about more, it's about having the stars align

And being mature and being adults about it.

People are all the same and in order to be happy in this world you have to have some sort of moronic delusion about yourself.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> I want to be able to connect with men on an emotional level.
> 
> It's sickening to me how superficial life is and how people (look at the 30 pages here) try to go into formulations and try to make a big fuss about there being more, and it's about more, it's about having the stars align
> 
> And being mature and being adults about it.
> 
> People are all the same and in order to be happy in this world you have to have some sort of moronic delusion about yourself.


Why do you think it's difficult to connect to men emotionally? Is it your appearance? Does it make it hard for men to make that connection? Could it be that you're averse to forming those kinds of relationships for some reason? I honestly don't know. I'm just asking.

I think a lot of people are superficial, but this has more to do with their thinking than with any limitation in reality. Everyone has delusions. It's just that some people are trapped by them and other people know how to let them go when they're no longer making them happy.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> There's plenty of substantial guys in the world.


Do you consider yourself a part of that category?


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Do you consider yourself a part of that category?


That's not what I was trying to say, but sure, I'd say I'm a person of at least some substance, regardless of what my online persona might reflect.


----------



## W A N D E R L U S T

I think I read about 10 pages more or less because I have a life and I feel like I went from reading the equivalent of rocket science to Facebook...

Anyway, what am I doing to get a boy? I'm going to high school.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Why do you think it's difficult to connect to men emotionally? Is it your appearance? Does it make it hard for men to make that connection? Could it be that you're averse to forming those kinds of relationships for some reason? I honestly don't know. I'm just asking.
> 
> I think a lot of people are superficial, but this has more to do with their thinking than with any limitation in reality. Everyone has delusions. It's just that some people are trapped by them and other people know how to let them go when they're no longer making them happy.


It's just hard to meet a guy who is different. Even when I think I meet that type of man, some girl usually ends up telling me that he's a dog. And I have a complete ignorant reaction like he's having one face to me, another face to other people.

Men are for the large part salespeople. They just say all the right things and act like it's completely natural, I'm just not impressed.

Looking for a deeper connection. I want to know people down to the nitty gritty, delve deeper and have a man really open up to me on his end.

Are you FtM trans just curious?


----------



## AussiePea

Do you not think that the fact the guys who you find attractive, being the 10/10 with incredible gym bodies and bedroom eyes which could drop the pants off a lesbian has something to do with finding someone who you can connect with on a level deeper than the superficial? Let's face it, guys like these can have whoever they want, whenever they want and certainly when in their 20's are probably disinterested in a serious long term relationship and would prefer to fill their belt with as many notches as possible.

Certainly the overwhelming majority of men I have known who fall into this category have that attitude and really are only interested in something deep and meaningful a further 10 or more years down the line, however given their general attitudes towards woman by that stage I'm not sure those relationships would even be possible for them, ever.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> That's not what I was trying to say, but sure, I'd say I'm a person of at least some substance, regardless of what my online persona might reflect.


"at least some substance" = you hope she has at least an AA degree

:lol

dying



W A N D E R L U S T said:


> I think I read about 10 pages more or less because I have a life and I feel like I went from reading the equivalent of rocket science to Facebook...


Well considering I was posting 10 pages back more or less I'd consider that a compliment.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> "at least some substance" = you hope she has at least an AA degree
> 
> :lol
> 
> dying


...Is that what I meant? Some people are just a little modest and feel weird about bragging. _Some_ people at least.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> Do you not think that the fact the guys who you find attractive, being the 10/10 with incredible gym bodies and bedroom eyes which could drop the pants off a lesbian has something to do with finding someone who you can connect with on a level deeper than the superficial? Let's face it, guys like these can have whoever they want, whenever they want and certainly when in their 20's are probably disinterested in a serious long term relationship and would prefer to fill their belt with as many notches as possible.
> 
> Certainly the overwhelming majority of men I have known who fall into this category have that attitude and really are only interested in something deep and meaningful a further 10 or more years down the line, however given their general attitudes towards woman by that stage I'm not sure those relationships would even be possible for them, ever.


I don't think the specific category matters.

Whether it be a male model, a harvard grad, a community college drop out, a CEO, a minimum wage worker, a 5, a 10,

I don't differentiate between any of them. This may sound like a surprise, but I see a man for _his character._

Unlike a lot of people here who interpret people at face value, I've actually analyzed men and try to interact frequently with them for the sole purpose of seeing if someone has something different to offer.

Not impressed at all.

A man is a man. Whether he's wearing a fancy suit or has a more expensive education, they just use million dollar words to get the same point across.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> @lisbeth
> 
> Where do you make these guy friends to begin with? I've been trying to make guy friends since 15, but most men I've encountered aren't interested in being friends.
> 
> A lot of them need incentive to get to know a girl beyond a personal level, not simply wanting to be back up :lol (or maybe I just get the jerky bunch- after I expressed disinterest in this one guy, he completely treated me like I had fallen off planet earth. Non existent in his eyes. I didn't even reject him outright but played nonchalant around the topic)
> 
> I really have a hard time believing a female male platonic thing can be possible. (I've had 3 gay friendships though - gay men are my pride and joy)
> 
> Even if I'm not into the guy in the slightest bit, if he starts bringing up other women, I get jealous. #femaleproblems


I don't believe in the friendzone. For one thing it's a silly way of demonising someone who's not interested in you, but I also find it really hard to believe that men are helpless creatures who fall in love all over the place. Maybe I'm wrong because other women on this site have spoken enough about male friends confessing romantic feelings and so on. Maybe I just have a very unattractive personality, who knows. I'm not complaining. It sounds like a headache.

Anyway: I met them at school or university (same as all my friends so far tbh). I haven't had that many because I haven't had many friends overall, but I've easily had as many male friends as female, if not slightly more. I find male friends easier to make than female friends. I grew up around a bunch of middle aged builders with a certain sense of humour so I'm very comfortable with male 'banter' and insulting each other etc. I feel like I can be natural and casual around them whereas around girls I feel a pressure to be sweet.

What we do is go to pubs for the most part. Sometimes coffee but mostly drinking. Sometimes a group of 3-4 but sometimes one on one. I went to thr cinema with just one male friend a couple of months ago. It doesn't feel weird to me. I think I saw in your other post that you were questioning what you'd talk about. In my case, exactly the same stuff you'd talk about with female friends, except for sex/relationships/fashion. My straight male friends are terrible gossips so that's a lot of what we talk about. Daily life covers a lot too, like that funny thing that happened recently. Otherwise stuff like music, books/film/culture, politics, 'social justice', the local area, plans/ambitions for university and careers, and with some of them, computers and the Internet. I have an interest in a lot of technical stuff so I like talking about web development, though tbh it often all drifts towards cybercrime. Which is interesting too.

I've had male friends be dtf but only in the sense of "I want to hook up then never speak of it again, btw don't tell my gf lol". No thanks, man. Like just because of proximity and perceived availability ("I already hang out with her, so convenient") rather than any actual interest. one friendship ended because of that but then he wasn't much of a friend to start with. Another friendship continues even after the guy's motives surfaced, because we talked about it and he backed off. We still hang out a lot but usually with another person present now tbh. Anyway, I think all these guys view me as a friend on a mental and emotional level. It's just that they'd also want to have sex with me if there were no strings or consequences. Not really a very flattering thought tbh. So I've never experienced that tale of a guy suddenly turning around and saying "you friendzoned me!".

It probably has to do with my hanging out with the kind of guys who'd claim the friendzone is a sexist concept and kind of pathetic on top of that.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> ...Is that what I meant? Some people are just a little modest and feel weird about bragging. _Some_ people at least.


Some people are easier to read than others regardless of bandwidth and I've got you down to a "T".

Good night.


----------



## AussiePea

So, the eternal single life for you then Cali?


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> It's just hard to meet a guy who is different. Even when I think I meet that type of man, some girl usually ends up telling me that he's a dog. And I have a complete ignorant reaction like he's having one face to me, another face to other people.
> 
> Men are for the large part salespeople. They just say all the right things and act like it's completely natural, I'm just not impressed.
> 
> Looking for a deeper connection. I want to know people down to the nitty gritty, delve deeper and have a man really open up to me on his end.


Same. Back in January, I went out a couple of times with a guy who was intelligent, interesting, and seemed really considerate and respectful. Then some girl approached my friend on a night out and said "keep her away from ---, he's kind of a d***". I took heed of that and became freaked out and suspicious. You can't know whether someone says something like that out of jealousy or whether it's actually true. But idk, it instantly killed my excitement and I backed off. There were other factors too, like that he intimidated me because he was older and more successful and I was going through a really depressive period and couldn't cope. but that one random girl who I didn't even meet just freaked me out. I still don't know whether to believe stuff like that or dismiss it. you can't tell yourself because everyone is on their best behaviour when they want you to like them



AussiePea said:


> Do you not think that the fact the guys who you find attractive, being the 10/10 with incredible gym bodies and bedroom eyes which could drop the pants off a lesbian has something to do with finding someone who you can connect with on a level deeper than the superficial? Let's face it, guys like these can have whoever they want, whenever they want and certainly when in their 20's are probably disinterested in a serious long term relationship and would prefer to fill their belt with as many notches as possible.
> 
> Certainly the overwhelming majority of men I have known who fall into this category have that attitude and really are only interested in something deep and meaningful a further 10 or more years down the line, however given their general attitudes towards woman by that stage I'm not sure those relationships would even be possible for them, ever.


Not true imo. I was seeing a guy kind of like this for a little while (or as close to this category as somebody like me could get) and he was looking for a relationship... just not a relationship with me.

Having more options doesn't make someone less interested in companionship, it just makes them a lot pickier about it. If he can hook up with lots of girls then he isn't going to settle for one he isn't head over heels for. She has to be worth giving those other options up for.


----------



## AussiePea

Which is why I said "majority" and those whom "I have known". I realise there are and always will be exceptions, I was simply speaking from personal experiences which I felt may have warranted a discussion point. Your point however has been duly noted and I'm glad to hear that my experiences may not be the rule.

So there's hope, Cali!


----------



## veron

Darktower776 said:


> Is that because of your SA? If so I can understand, it's what makes it so hard for a lot of guys with SA to approach a female they like.
> 
> I'm just saying that if you want or are trying to get a guy then it would really help to let him know in some small way that you (not specifically you) are interested.
> 
> Just speaking for myself, if I find a girl attractive and would like to talk to her, one of the biggest reasons that I wouldn't was if she seemed completely uninterested in me.


The only thing I do is try to talk to them. I think that guys might see me as inapproachable if I ignore them, but when I come up and talk to them, they see I'm not "dangerous" and might actually make a move. I wouldn't know how to let them know I'm interested in other ways (I don't flirt or anything).


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Some people are easier to read than others regardless of bandwidth and I've got you down to a "T".
> 
> Good night.


Lol please tell me we get to judge eachother based off our SAS personas, though considering the reception you tend to get you might want to ask to start out with a handicap.


----------



## probably offline

calichick said:


> Not flirting is not as basic as it seems, like I said earlier in the thread, my way of dealing with most men is flirting. I seriously have it on all the time, it's hard for me to converse with men trying to be friendly but not making it seem like I'm coming on to them.


It seems like this is what you have to work on, even if it doesn't come natural to you. If you want to be buddy-buddy with someone - act buddy-buddy(at least in the beginning).

(I have no idea why I said buddy-buddy)


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> Being extremely good looking really can be a major liability to your dating life, if you're looking for something beyond anything physical and with substance. I've dated a couple girls in the past that I'd say were legitimately beautiful, and it was HARD to look passed their beauty, I found myself being too forgiving of shortcomings that would have been deal-breakers in any other case, I often avoided arguments that needed to happen because they looked too pretty, etc. Beautiful women get away with murder.


This makes my blood boil. **** this lookist society.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> It's just hard to meet a guy who is different. Even when I think I meet that type of man, some girl usually ends up telling me that he's a dog. And I have a complete ignorant reaction like he's having one face to me, another face to other people.
> 
> Men are for the large part salespeople. They just say all the right things and act like it's completely natural, I'm just not impressed.
> 
> Looking for a deeper connection. I want to know people down to the nitty gritty, delve deeper and have a man really open up to me on his end.


I think that's completely understandable.

A lot of men have trouble opening up because exposing a weakness or insecurity often leads to rejection. Many men would rather hop from girl to girl and live on the surface than risk being rejected on a deeper level. The deeper your connection, the more power you have to hurt him.

I don't think men are going to open up to you unless they feel confident that you're not going to turn it against them. I don't mind being open and honest myself because my self-esteem isn't dependent on other people, but I think I'm the exception not the rule. I'm so far outside conventional standards that it would be pointless to try to convince other people that I fit in.

I'm guessing that most of the men that you're dating are very deeply invested in those conventional standards. They have a lot more to lose by opening up, and there's very little incentive to do so unless they feel a very deep connection to you. Do you make yourself emotionally available to them? It may be that your reticence is reinforcing theirs. If you make yourself vulnerable to them, they may be more inclined to make themselves vulnerable to you.



calichick said:


> Are you FtM trans just curious?


No, just not very good at making myself clear. I'm bio male but would be MtF if I thought I could pass. As it is, I'm stuck being a man.


----------



## Umpalumpa

@calichick - looks aren't everything, I don't know about your personality, but you can't put everything on your looks and on your manipulative skills (unless you want a sugar daddy that is)

I know some guy who is now a big thing in the fashion business in my country, he got a crush in an ex of a friend's of mine, she looks great but it's her personality that he likes. (I don't even think that he is that handsome, but maybe that's my ego talking)

I have met enough girls with the 'socially acceptable top-notch beauty' it's far from being everything.
At the end of the day I look for a girl who behave like a real woman, one that can handle herself, and obviously one that I click with.

If you take a man, break him to pieces and check every piece so so carefully, then obviously you would find things that you dont like (if you are doing this to begin with it means that you don't love the guy)
Even if suddenly a man will appear in your life that will completely make you go coocoo for him and you will be afraid of him judging you...eventually you will see some bad parts in him as well.

I feel retarded talking about this, if I love someone then I love her. It's that simple.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> I think that's completely understandable.
> 
> A lot of men have trouble opening up because exposing a weakness or insecurity often leads to rejection.* Many men would rather hop from girl to girl and live on the surface than risk being rejected on a deeper level. The deeper your connection, the more power you have to hurt him.
> *
> I don't think men are going to open up to you unless they feel confident that you're not going to turn it against them. I don't mind being open and honest myself because my self-esteem isn't dependent on other people, but I think I'm the exception not the rule. I'm so far outside conventional standards that it would be pointless to try to convince other people that I fit in.
> 
> I'm guessing that most of the men that you're dating are very deeply invested in those conventional standards. They have a lot more to lose by opening up, and there's very little incentive to do so unless they feel a very deep connection to you. Do you make yourself emotionally available to them? It may be that your reticence is reinforcing theirs. If you make yourself vulnerable to them, they may be more inclined to make themselves vulnerable to you.


Those are wise words my friend.

I am aware that men's egos are very, very fragile, maybe even moreso fragile than the women who for the large part rest their self esteem on finding a man to validate it for her.

For the large part over the past few years, I have learned to work with that knowledge to get what I want, but apparently it hasn't been something I really need.

It just seems that men don't give me the opportunity to be vulnerable. It just seems like the lot of them are scared of me. Like actually scared. Direct quote, "I'm afraid of what you might think of me"

Which is fun at first but like I was saying gets really dull after awhile.

A girl just wants someone who isn't afraid to be himself. To make her laugh.

✓ Not afraid to be himself
✓ Funny
✓ Sarcastic
✓ A little bit low down dirty
✓ Intelligent
✓ Doesn't always follow the rules
✓ Has a nice body

Is that too much to ask for ? ?



AussiePea said:


> So, the eternal single life for you then Cali?


Nope :no


----------



## Dissonance

.....what.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> *i grew up around a bunch of middle aged builders with a certain sense of humour so i'm very comfortable with male 'banter' and insulting each other etc. I feel like i can be natural and casual around them*


*Well, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM LIZZY.*

You are doing what *I* should be doing (as Probably Offline mentioned about the buddy buddy) to keep male friends.

YOU NEED TO FLIRT! You need to separate yourself from being one of the men.

You are unwittingly friend-zoning them.

I think we may just be the exact opposite person.



> whereas around girls i feel a pressure to be sweet.


yea, I've known girls with this type of personality. They fit in as one of the guys. It's reverse chaos is what it is! :lol

I grew up with a ton of boys as well (like seriously, didn't wear makeup until age 20, grew up playing video games, majorly out of tune with everything so called feminine, always outside scraping up my body, never had any body issues whatsoever actually until college).

But I've never been comfortable around men except the ones I can control/manipulate etc



Umpalumpa said:


> *she looks great* but it's her personality that he likes.


Yes, I'm sure she has a big, warm _heart_.


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> .....what.


Did I stutter?

Rock...hard...body...

No excuses fellas.

You can be funny in the gym too, now excuse me while I go work on mine.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Did I stutter?
> 
> Rock...hard...body...
> 
> No excuses fellas.
> 
> You can be funny in the gym too, now excuse me while I go work on mine.


Good for you, why the hell do you think I even questioned that?

I am starting to give less of a ****.

In all honesty, my what was more of a absolute disbelief of how very little space there between the surface and the bottom.


----------



## Umpalumpa

Personality=big warm heart? Not really.


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> I am starting to give less of a ****.


Yes, but you haven't crossed the line into complete apathy, which means you still care a little, if not just a little less than a lot.

Ya know?



Umpalumpa said:


> Personality=big warm heart? Not really.


I was being sarcastic sweetcheeks. She probably has a round *** or something to make up for her hideous personality. Let's not fool ourselves.

I am...just joking. lol


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> *Well, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM LIZZY.*
> 
> You are doing what *I* should be doing (as Probably Offline mentioned about the buddy buddy) to keep male friends.
> 
> YOU NEED TO FLIRT! You need to separate yourself from being one of the men.
> 
> You are unwittingly friend-zoning them.
> 
> I think we may just be the exact opposite person.
> 
> yea, I've known girls with this type of personality. They fit in as one of the guys. It's reverse chaos is what it is! :lol
> 
> I grew up with a ton of boys as well (*like seriously, didn't wear makeup until age 20, grew up playing video games, majorly out of tune with everything so called feminine,* always outside scraping up my body, never had any body issues whatsoever actually until college).
> 
> But I've never been comfortable around men except the ones I can control/manipulate etc
> 
> Yes, I'm sure she has a big, warm _heart_.


wut.  I'll pretend I didn't read that. I picture you strolling out of your mum (yes strolling) with makeup and a tan, long blondeish hair, little designer baby clothes on, drinking milk out of a cocktail glass.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Yes, but you haven't crossed the line into complete apathy, which means you still care a little, if not just a little less than a lot.
> 
> Ya know?
> 
> I was being sarcastic sweetcheeks. She probably has a round *** or something. Let's not fool ourselves.


Naw if I did care anymore I might lose my temper. Now it's not even a problem. You ladies...I have no advice. Not anything that anyone would care for anyways.


----------



## Umpalumpa

calichick said:


> Yes, but you haven't crossed the line into complete apathy, which means you still care a little, if not just a little less than a lot.
> 
> Ya know?
> 
> I was being sarcastic sweetcheeks. She probably has a round *** or something to make up for her hideous personality. Let's not fool ourselves.
> 
> I am...just joking. lol


Alright hoochi-mama, next time warn me.


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> wut.  I'll pretend I didn't read that. I picture you strolling out of your mum (yes strolling) with makeup and a tan, long blondeish hair, little designer baby clothes on, drinking milk out of a cocktail glass.


You mean you didn't know PTD? I was practically a f***ing boy until the age of 19. Didn't know two **** about anything beauty or fashion related. Probably had my hair up in a ponytail six out of 7 days of the week.

I mean if you guys really think about it, children a lot of the time grow up with insecurities of some type that they end up trying to overcompensate for due to this deep-rooted need to disprove everyone wrong.

For example, I know someone who was told she would amount to nothing, high on drugs half the time, coming from a broken family, barely making it through alternative high school, dumb as a nut, probably wasn't even 100% literate in her teens.

Now, she's making practically $70k, went to an ace college, has accomplished a lot in the first quarter of her life. The only thing she had going for her was her looks when she was young and now she could give two f****s about how she looks and has let herself go appearance wise and scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to men.

I had the exact opposite problem, I grew up very spinly without shape, bad skin, frail hair, horrible fashion sense, baggy clothing, just puberty hit me hard, but I've always relied on academics and work to distract me from my own insecurities. And now I am pulling more men than this girl I used to look up to for that very reason.

It's just the brain formation is what it is. The brain during adolescence is very influential upon external factors and as people get older, the same motivation gives impetus to their values and what they prioritize in life.

And actually, don't know if any of you read that article a few days ago, but they're now saying the brain stops fully developing at age 25. So I hope I haven't sufficiently laid my brain to waste in the past few years. :lol

Speaking of childhood..












Dissonance said:


> Not anything that anyone would care for anyways.


Oh, but we care, we do.

But not right now, going to go work out.

Toodles.


----------



## Schmosby

tbyrfan said:


> This makes my blood boil. **** this lookist society.


They hurt themselves by going for looks first and then hoping for a somewhat acceptable personality. As long as you're a nice person, you will be someones dream boat, don't you worry.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> It just seems that men don't give me the opportunity to be vulnerable. * It just seems like the lot of them are scared of me. Like actually scared.* Direct quote, "I'm afraid of what you might think of me"


I think this might be part of the problem. They're _scared_ of you. They're not going to open up. They don't want to give you any ammunition. The less you know about them, the harder it is for you to make them feel inadequate. If you have a very dominant personality, closing themselves off might be the only way they can retain any control. They're not going to let you in.

Do these men know that they're playing the submissive role in your mind? Many men are conditioned to believe that they're supposed to be the one in control, even if that doesn't work out in practice. If they feel like they have no control over you, you may be making them uneasy without them being consciously aware of it. You're making them turtle.

The way I see it, you have a couple of options. You can find someone who likes being submissive, and who _knows_ that they like being submissive, and make the nature of your relationship very clear to them; you can find someone more dominant than yourself and learn to like it; or you can stop scaring the sh*t out of people. You know how to get a man's interest, but you don't know how to make him feel welcome.



calichick said:


> A girl just wants someone who isn't afraid to be himself. To make her laugh.
> 
> ✓ *Not afraid to be himself*
> ✓ Funny
> ✓ Sarcastic
> ✓ A little bit low down dirty
> ✓ Intelligent
> ✓ Doesn't always follow the rules
> ✓ Has a nice body
> 
> *Is that too much to ask for ? ?*


It might be, if you terrify everyone you meet.



Persephone The Dread said:


> *drinking milk out of a cocktail glass*


This is sort of kind of adorable.


----------



## McFly

Easy to spot the man haters on this thread.


----------



## calichick

Alright, I have a question for the ladies and the gentleladies:

*
Has a situation ever occurred to you when you did not initially have feelings and/or experience attraction towards a man, but over time, you found yourself considering him as more than just a friend? What was the exact reason(s) for the shift of heart?*

They say that all good relationships develop organically from acquaintances or friendships after all.

This happened to me at the beginning of this year. I met this guy a few years ago (but he wasn't a friend, just a common acquaintance). He was _really_ sweet, really outgoing, really charming, but I didn't feel anything there, he was a good looking guy, just not my usual type and I never even thought about him in a different light other than just a nice guy.

In fact, I was more interested in one of his friends. He had a huge crush on me and I'm trying to figure out when and why I experienced a change of heart, because at one point, I actually started thinking about what a future would be like with him.

Some reasons

1) I was flattered above all else?
2) He had all the "husband" qualities which make for LONG TERM POTENTIAL in men. Women are known to take less risks relationship wise.
3) Whenever I meet men like this who I don't reciprocate feelings for, I get this TUG in the back of my mind. Like, you're never going to find one better than this, SETTLE, SETTLE NOW. You're too damn picky!! 
4) He was very forward about making it known that he had a thing for me, and I think *persistence* is a very unrelenting and effective value to have, it's almost like a weapon of mental persuasion. 
5) Attachment due to the fact that I don't have many men in my life to lean on for emotional support.

Just curious if it's happened to anybody else..I never know what to do in these situations, to try it out, to take a risk, to blow it off completely.

:afr

Another thing is I'm terrified that sex w/ these types of men won't even work in the first place. I have slept with a man I wasn't attracted to and it was like watching paint dry. But if feelings are involved, it might be different.


----------



## Charmeleon

Cool story, thank you for sharing ^^^

To answer op, nothing, cuz I'm a dude lol


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> No, no I am _very_ welcoming to men. Like you said, any woman who expects to manipulate a man towards basically being her 'puppet' should make him feel like HE is in control. That is the feeling that I convey to them at all times.


I don't know calichick. I'd need more information. I don't really have any problem getting people to open up, but I'm also not the kind of person people find intimidating. I've also never had any interest in controlling people. Maybe people pick that up subconsciously.



calichick said:


> I don't know about all of you here but "dominant" and "imposing" qualities in men is a huge turn off for me.


Not a turn off for me at all. I have a thing for dominant introverts. Dudebros, on the other hand, can go suck a bag of d***s.



calichick said:


> Alright, I have a question for the ladies and the gentleladies:
> 
> *
> Has a situation ever occurred to you when you did not initially have feelings and/or experience attraction towards a man, but over time, your feelings eventually developed and you found yourself considering him as more than just a friend? What was the exact reason(s) for the shift of heart?*
> 
> They say that all good relationships develop organically from acquaintances or friendships after all...


This has happened to me with women, probably because my friends are more likely to be women. I used to think this was the way everyone ended up in relationship. Generally, if I really enjoy being around somebody, things happen. I start seeing them differently. All those positive feelings build up.

I had no intention of being in a relationship with my last gf when I met her, but we ended up having so much in common and enjoying each other's company so much that we just ended up fooling around. It lasted ten years and it was pretty awesome.

I've become attracted to men after getting to know them, too, but it's never resulted in a relationship. I've been in relationships most of my life so the opportunities haven't really been there when that's happened.

I think the important thing is: you can't force this to happen. You can't just turn your friends into your boyfriends and expect to be happy. You really have to have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot to begin with. I think you have to be in a place where you're already sharing a lot emotionally, having those late night talks and whatnot. That's been my experience, at least.


----------



## theCARS1979

*what to say*



Gwynevere said:


> Similar to the other thread, post what you're doing to try to find someone, or your ideas on what you should do to find someone, or if you have a bf/been successful what you did to get him.
> 
> Mostly making the thread to get advice since I'm completely clueless. So far I've been trying out getting comfortable just making eye contact and being able to smile, I'm close to being able to say hi to someone I think but I have no idea what I'd say.
> 
> *Staff edit: Please click the link below and read it before posting. Thanks.*
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1074341794-post494.html


Ask What did they do or what are they doing today?


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> I don't know calichick. I'd need more information. I don't really have any problem getting people to open up, but I'm also not the kind of person people find intimidating. I've also never had any interest in controlling people. Maybe people pick that up subconsciously.
> 
> Not a turn off for me at all. I have a thing for dominant introverts. Dudebros, on the other hand, can go suck a bag of d***s.
> 
> This has happened to me with women, probably because my friends are more likely to be women. I used to think this was the way everyone ended up in relationship. Generally, if I really enjoy being around somebody, things happen. I start seeing them differently. All those positive feelings build up.
> 
> I had no intention of being in a relationship with my last gf when I met her, but we ended up having so much in common and enjoying each other's company so much that we just ended up fooling around. It lasted ten years and it was pretty awesome.
> 
> I've become attracted to men after getting to know them, too, but it's never resulted in a relationship. I've been in relationships most of my life so the opportunities haven't really been there when that's happened.
> 
> I think the important thing is: you can't force this to happen. You can't just turn your friends into your boyfriends and expect to be happy. You really have to have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot to begin with. I think you have to be in a place where you're already sharing a lot emotionally, having those late night talks and whatnot. That's been my experience, at least.


But there has to be some inkling of physical attraction there to begin with.

For me, the moment I lay eyes on a man, I've decided whether I'm attracted to him or not within a minute.

"become attracted to them" in your story ==> influenced largely by emotional connection?

That is a huge barrier for me.

Emotional and physical connection seem like two largely independent factors.


----------



## AussiePea

I've experienced the "becoming attracted" side of things once in the past. I still remember the first day she started working with me and initially I wasn't physically attracted to her at all and remember thinking "ahh, bugger" after seeing her for the first time which was actually nice because when it came to conversing with her I felt completely at ease and enjoying it without worrying about how I may be perceived. Over the course of a couple of weeks as we spent more time together in a professional environment she really grew on me a lot and contrary to beliefs I held previously relating to how people can "become" attracted to others I found myself falling for her in that respect. She was on an exchange program however and soon moved back overseas but it was quite interesting to experience someone growing on me like that and I've not really experienced it since, it has either been someone I found attractive from day dot or someone I have not and did not after an extended period of time.

I'm assuming a clicking of personalities has a lot to do with it but I also think there's just this "thing" between two people which leads to greater emotions and it's kind of independent of everything else, you just click. (Oh how cliche).

When that happened for me there really wasn't any deeper emotional connection taking place either, since it was a professional environment and we more or less kept it that way, so I'm not really sure how it all works, the brain is a funny thing after-all.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> I've experienced the "becoming attracted" side of things once in the past. I still remember the first day she started working with me and initially I wasn't physically attracted to her at all and remember thinking "ahh, bugger" after seeing her for the first time which was actually nice because when it came to conversing with her I felt completely at ease and enjoying it without worrying about how I may be perceived. Over the course of a couple of weeks as we spent more time together in a professional environment she really grew on me a lot and contrary to beliefs I held previously relating to how people can "become" attracted to others I found myself falling for her in that respect. She was on an exchange program however and soon moved back overseas but it was quite interesting to experience someone growing on me like that and I've not really experienced it since, it has either been someone I found attractive from day dot or someone I have not and did not after an extended period of time.
> 
> I'm assuming a clicking of personalities has a lot to do with it but I also think there's just this "thing" between two people which leads to greater emotions and it's kind of independent of everything else, you just click. (Oh how cliche).
> 
> When that happened for me there really wasn't any deeper emotional connection taking place either, since it was a professional environment and we more or less kept it that way, so I'm not really sure how it all works, the brain is a funny thing after-all.


Aw that was a sweet story. What country was this girl from?

I always say that the workplace is the single woman's playground :lol

Such a great/convenient place to meet quality men.


----------



## AussiePea

She was South African, her accent didn't hurt haha. Yeah the workplace is a pretty great place to meet people, especially since you often get to see them at their most intelligent hard working best but also enjoy the small talk and banter during lunch and coffee breaks.

The problem is if you begin something and then it goes pear shaped and you have to deal with the awkwardness of working with them from there on in...eesh.


----------



## komorikun

calichick said:


> Alright, I have a question for the ladies and the gentleladies:
> 
> *
> Has a situation ever occurred to you when you did not initially have feelings and/or experience attraction towards a man, but over time, you found yourself considering him as more than just a friend? What was the exact reason(s) for the shift of heart?*


It happened once. There was this white guy in my Japanese class that I did a few presentations with. We took one class together then another one one year later. Went out for coffee once after class at the school cafeteria. I liked his sense of humor. Jived well with mine...at least from my point of view. Have no idea how he felt. The first time we took a class together he mentioned having a gf. Don't know if he was still with her when we took the second class or not. I didn't ask. So I never pursued anything.

I never thought he was ugly. He was sort of neutral. I don't think I could develop attraction for someone I felt ugly but if they are sort of borderline attractive/not attractive then the personality can tilt my feelings. I'm kind of picky about personality too (most people I find either boring or annoying), so it would be a rare occurrence. Very rare for me to be like "oh yeah, I really enjoy talking to that person."


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> But there has to be some inkling of physical attraction there to begin with.
> 
> For me, the moment I lay eyes on a man, I've decided whether I'm attracted to him or not within a minute.


Define: "inkling of physical attraction". I'm attracted or not attracted to people when I first meet them, too, but that can change over time depending on their personality.

They always _had_ attractive features, so I guess you could say it was there in "inkling", but I didn't notice them at first because I wasn't attracted to them as a whole when I first met them. An attractive feature of their personality, like a great sense of humor or keen intelligence, will make me "take notice" and all of a sudden I start noticing those attractive features that I didn't notice before.

A great personality can absolutely take me from non-attraction to attraction. I know a man that I didn't find attractive at all when we met. I had to work with him a lot and we used to get into these really vigorous philosophical debates. He was really sharp and challenged everything I said and I just happen to find that kind of engagement very appealing. Now I find him very attractive. I wasn't attracted to my last gf when I first met her, either, but she's absolutely hilarious and adorable when you get to know her and I was smitten with her for 10 years.

Attraction tends to build over time, as well, in my experience. In all my relationships, I've become more attracted to my partners the longer I've been with them. It sort of sucks, in a way, because I'm always most attracted to them at the same time that they're walking out the door. I think that's just association, though. If someone gives you pleasure, you associate their appearance -- whatever it is -- with pleasure. It's not surprising how many people look for partners that resemble their exs.



calichick said:


> "become attracted to them" in your story ==> influenced largely by emotional connection?
> 
> That is a huge barrier for me.
> 
> Emotional and physical connection seem like two largely independent factors.


The emotional connection comes from liking their personality and spending a lot of time together so that you have a lot of shared memories. For me, emotional and physical go together. I can desire someone physically based purely on their appearance, but I'm not going to become attached to them if I don't like their personality. Alternately, I can come to desire someone because they always make me feel happy and good about myself. There's probably some minimum standard of appearance -- certain physical characteristics that are just deal-breakers -- but I don't have to initially find someone attractive based purely on their appearance to fall in love with them.


----------



## calichick

komorikun said:


> It happened once. There was this white guy in my Japanese class that I did a few presentations with. We took one class together then another one one year later. Went out for coffee once after class at the school cafeteria. I liked his sense of humor. Jived well with mine...at least from my point of view. Have no idea how he felt. The first time we took a class together he mentioned having a gf. Don't know if he was still with her when we took the second class or not. I didn't ask. So I never pursued anything.
> 
> I never thought he was ugly. He was sort of neutral. I don't think I could develop attraction for someone I felt ugly but if they are sort of borderline attractive/not attractive then the personality can tilt my feelings. I'm kind of picky about personality too (most people I find either boring or annoying), so it would be a rare occurrence. Very rare for me to be like "oh yeah, I really enjoy talking to that person."


Exactly, it's that neutral attraction. It could go either way.

Something tells me though that I can't be with a man unless every time I look at him, I want to rip his clothes off and make sweet love to him :lol


----------



## anyoldkindofday

At the introduction to my uni I was put in a group with a girl that literally made me think "Well, I shouldn't have chosen this bachelor if I were in it for the pretty girls.." Getting to know her over the course of 2 years I actually ended up liking her, but she got a boyfriend short after I started liking her. So there was no initial physical attraction, though I guess it could also just be the 2 years difference.

Hmm, I see now the question was a why did it happen; not a does it happen?
I guess it was because:

I got to know her as a very kind and intelligent person
She might've matured a bit physically (17-19) however I never really notice this consciously until I see photos..
Probably also because I finally gave up on this girl that I'd been chasing for way too long, but then again if I'm honest she's probably why I gave up on chasing that girl..


----------



## Trancelover

i sometimes get so angry at girls like what the hell! They won't even keep the convo going if you're not talking...or it could be that i'm not attractive to anyone, who knows.

_Staff Edit_


----------



## calichick

anyoldkindofday said:


> At the introduction to my uni I was put in a group with a girl that literally made me think "Well, I shouldn't have chosen this bachelor if I were in it for the pretty girls.." Getting to know her over the course of 2 years I actually ended up liking her, but she got a boyfriend short after I started liking her. So there was no initial physical attraction, though I guess it could also just be the 2 years difference.
> 
> Hmm, I see now the question was a why did it happen; not a does it happen?
> I guess it was because:
> 
> I got to know her as a very kind and intelligent person
> She might've matured a bit physically (17-19) however I never really notice this consciously until I see photos..
> Probably also because I finally gave up on this girl that I'd been chasing for way too long, but then again if I'm honest she's probably why I gave up on chasing that girl..


Doesn't it suck when you think back upon these people and kind of feel that you might have passed something really great up?

I feel like with introverts we naturally attach much stronger and that might be one reason why an emotional connection might suffice to cause us to start viewing someone in another light.



truant said:


> A great personality can absolutely take me from non-attraction to attraction. I know a man that I didn't find attractive at all when we met. I had to work with him a lot and we used to get into these really vigorous philosophical debates. He was really sharp and challenged everything I said and I just happen to find that kind of engagement very appealing. Now I find him very attractive. I wasn't attracted to my last gf when I first met her, either, but she's absolutely hilarious and adorable when you get to know her and I was smitten with her for 10 years.


You're a great man to be able to do that, I think that a lot of men like to take risks and go after what their heart desires. Some wouldn't even take the chance to get to know someone on a deeper level, from the ones I've met they go after what they want and they go hard. lol.


----------



## calichick

Trancelover said:


> *i sometimes get so angry at girls*


Just the pretty girls though right?

Cause the other ones obviously don't have to lift a finger.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Pretty girls can be REALLY b****y sometimes.
> 
> _Really_.
> 
> Who do they think they are, princesses or something?
> 
> :lol
> 
> Not giving every guy who approaches them a chance. The nerve!
> 
> >> I think that men should look at rejection in this way, if no one was every rejected in life, there would be no such thing as _forever after_. Rejection is necessary for society to keep functioning in the hallmark channel that it is.


Who are you talking to? Who has ever said anything about bitterness about rejection?

It really doesn't who cares who you decide to get shagged by it has no real relevance to anyone else, unless of course you somehow view physical beauty as necessary to mankind, when it provides absolutely nothing provide a means to procreate. Being pretty does nothing worthwhile unless you want to attract the opposite sex.


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> Who are you talking to? Who has ever said anything about bitterness about rejection?
> 
> It really doesn't who cares who you decide to get shagged by it has no real relevance to anyone else, unless of course you somehow view physical beauty as necessary to mankind, when it provides absolutely nothing provide a means to procreate. Being pretty does nothing worthwhile unless you want to attract the opposite sex.


"I sometimes get so angry at girls, like what the hell!"

him, I'm talking to him.

When we don't keep the convo going it's a sign that we're not interested. Not too big a deal.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> "I sometimes get so angry at girls, like what the hell!"
> 
> him, I'm talking to him.
> 
> When we don't keep the convo going it's a sign that we're not interested. Not too big a deal.


Then too bad for him. He's wrong and you fixate too much on this specific person.


----------



## calichick

^ ditto


In other news, I might be hooking up with an elementary school teacher really soon if I find out for a fact that he's not gay.

My life is so.........:/


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Some wouldn't even take the chance to get to know someone on a deeper level


People are rarely worth knowing on any other level.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> ^ ditto
> 
> In other news, I might be hooking up with an elementary school teacher really soon if I find out for a fact that he's not gay.
> 
> My life is so.........:/


Why not ask him straight out?


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> Why not ask him straight out?


Have I not taught you anything about women in this topic lol

Also it's a set up.

I may or may not be a beard to a gay man in 12 months time :lol


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Have I not taught you anything about women in this topic lol
> 
> Also it's a set up.
> 
> I may or may not be a beard to a gay man in 12 months time :lol


I disagree with you entirely your rules are arbitrary and serve no purpose. They are just games for adults when honesty is far more efficient and wastes little time.


----------



## calichick

That is because you don't like control, D. You aren't an alpha male (correct me if I'm wrong, I just assume from our previous conversations)

I have been studying men my entire life, and it is not a game. I hate when people describe it as such because that implies it takes effort and premeditation when it does not.

When you get the swing of things, it comes naturally.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> That is because you don't like control, D. You aren't an alpha male (correct me if I'm wrong, I just assume from our previous conversations)
> 
> I have been studying men my entire life, and it is not a game. I hate when people describe it as such because that implies it takes effort and premeditation when it does not.
> 
> When you get the swing of things, it comes naturally.


I am not a "alpha male". I don't not need these animal terms, I don't wish to control women nor assert my primitive meathead dominance. Sure strength is nice but only if it is used for the help of others not to intimidate. If there is anything I want from a woman it's respect, love and devotion to each other, to see each other as equals. Not to control but to trust.

Mkay.


----------



## calichick

There's nothing wrong with the term, you're just imitating whoever said it in this thread that he didn't understand where the usage came from.

When I'm looking into a man's eyes, I want to be able to devour his soul inside and out. I want him to not be able to stop thinking about me and I want to keep him a bit on edge at all times.

That is not too much to ask for.


Mkay.

I'd suggest you read that article that C put up about a codependent's personality and their main goal in life as seeking "respect, love and devotion".

It's just the way the world spins.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> There's nothing wrong with the term, you're just imitating whoever said it in this thread that he didn't understand where the usage came from.
> 
> When I'm looking into a man's eyes, I want to be able to devour his soul inside and out. I want him to not be able to stop thinking about me and I want him to keep him a bit on edge at all times.
> 
> That is not too much to ask for.
> 
> Mkay.


It basically means dude who is confident, charming, blah blah. Don't want to be that guy.

That's nice.


----------



## calichick

Some of us are leaders and some of us are followers.

It's not too hard to understand now


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Some of us are leaders and some of us are followers.
> 
> It's not too hard to understand now


Yes I am neither, I am my own entity I dictate my actions based on my preference and/or morality. I don't need to follow social norms to pretend I have the qualities of a leader. I can be myself and follow my own direction, I listen to me when the world tells me otherwise. Go ahead tell me how much you are a leader you are when you are reading from the instruction manual.


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> It basically means dude who is confident, charming, blah blah. Don't want to be that guy.
> 
> That's nice.


Exactly, and you are my type of man, which was my point. You don't see eye to eye with me because you are my complimentary personality type so to speak.

I've come across a billion jerkweeds, charming, confident etc

That is so not down my alley.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Exactly, and you are my type of man, which was my point. You don't see eye to eye with me because you are my complimentary personality type so to speak.
> 
> I've come across a billion jerkweeds, charming, confident etc
> 
> That is so not down my alley.


You're out of luck then, me personally, you are the exact anti thesis of my ideal woman. Maybe there is a guy out there who follows his own rules who likes being manipulated.


----------



## calichick

You're missing my point. I prey on men like you.

I'm not saying you, personally. I'm saying your type of men which is why you can't understand me.

And again, watch yourself because we don't display out hearts on our sleeves.

I am introverted, shy at times. You're missing the whole point about what manipulation is.

It's kind of comparable to an addiction.


----------



## calichick

Have you ever even fallen for a woman before?


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> I am my own entity I dictate my actions.


Is that what you think now?

Ok.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> When I'm looking into a man's eyes, I want to be able to devour his soul inside and out. I want him to not be able to stop thinking about me and I want him to keep him a bit on edge at all times.


Now why on earth would anyone be scared of li'l ol' you?


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> You're missing my point. I prey on men like you.
> 
> I'm not saying you, personally. I'm saying your type of men which is why you can't understand me.
> 
> And again, watch yourself because we don't display out hearts on our sleeves.
> 
> I am introverted, shy at times. You're missing the whole point about what manipulation is.
> 
> It's kind of comparable to an addiction.


I see. Hopefully a lady won't waste my damn time like that just to play. I think I know how to filter women like you, can't say the same for other men. Honestly the only way a woman would ever get by me if she lied her life doing things my way.


----------



## Dissonance

calichick said:


> Have you ever even fallen for a woman before?


Yes, Young love, but I have grown more to understand who I want in my life, and who is truly right for me.


calichick said:


> Is that what you think now?
> 
> Ok.


Yup, people talk **** to me but it's all good. I know in the end as long as I believe in my words I will never be changed. You know my temper, I am far more likely to get angry then to change my tune, but if someone makes a rational idea I am open to being wrong.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Now why on earth would anyone be scared of li'l ol' you?


:lol


----------



## calichick

What are we arguing about Dissonance, I'm merely telling you about my modus operandi.


----------



## Dissonance

I am just arguing your way totally goes against reason.


----------



## calichick

My personality is not up for argument.

I don't argue why you're not more assertive.

The beauty about people is that there is someone out there for everyone.


----------



## Dissonance

Meh


----------



## AussiePea

Hey at least that last statement is something we can all agree on 

GROUP HUGS


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> Meh





AussiePea said:


> Hey at least that last statement is something we can all agree on
> 
> GROUP HUGS


Have a good Monday. I need to haul some a** tomorrow.

kisses all


----------



## probably offline

calichick said:


> Some reasons
> 
> 1) I was flattered above all else?
> 2) He had all the "husband" qualities which make for LONG TERM POTENTIAL in men. Women are known to take less risks relationship wise.
> 3) Whenever I meet men like this who I don't reciprocate feelings for, I get this TUG in the back of my mind. Like, you're never going to find one better than this, SETTLE, SETTLE NOW. You're too damn picky!!
> 4) He was very forward about making it known that he had a thing for me, and I think *persistence* is a very unrelenting and effective value to have, it's almost like a weapon of mental persuasion.
> 5) Attachment due to the fact that I don't have many men in my life to lean on for emotional support.


I'm curious about if you've ever been in love or in a serious relationship? I mean, usually you just _know_ when someone is for you. It might not happen often(very rarely in my case), but when it does it's very obvious.

Trying someone out because they look good on paper seems like a horrible idea to me. I might as well date a female friend and hope I turn lesbian. Also, I wouldn't respect someone who was so desperately into me while I barely cared. I would start treating him badly(been there).

I thought I wasn't able to fall in love before I met my ex at 21(completely out of the blue). Before that it was just lust and crushes, yearning for intimacy and filling that void with attention from guys or trying out relationships with guys(who I really tried to fall in love with - I promise!).

I'm getting away from the topic... anyway, you're not in a rush? It might be good for you to try out guys who don't fit _perfectly_ into your mold, but I'd avoid dating someone if you have to make a list with reasons to do so first.


----------



## tbyrfan

probably offline said:


> It might be good for you to try out guys who don't fit _perfectly_ into your mold, but I'd avoid dating someone if you have to make a list with reasons to do so first.


Using someone as "practice" like that is extremely cruel. Imagine what a guy would think if he found out that his girlfriend was just "trying him out" until someone better came along. :no


----------



## probably offline

tbyrfan said:


> Using someone as "practice" like that is extremely cruel. Imagine what a guy would think if he found out that his girlfriend was just "trying him out" until someone better came along. :no


That's not what I meant. I meant going for a guy that isn't your "perfect ideal type", or whatever. Broaden your horizons, etc.


----------



## Sacrieur

tbyrfan said:


> Using someone as "practice" like that is extremely cruel. Imagine what a guy would think if he found out that his girlfriend was just "trying him out" until someone better came along. :no


calichick doesn't believe us to be capable of much

Sirens don't really exist, though; so I'd say I'm in the clear.


----------



## crimeclub

Dissonance said:


> I am not a "alpha male". I don't not need these animal terms, I don't wish to control women nor assert my primitive meathead dominance. Sure strength is nice but only if it is used for the help of others not to intimidate. If there is anything I want from a woman it's respect, love and devotion to each other, to see each other as equals. Not to control but to trust.
> 
> Mkay.


50% of SAS males need to read this and emulate this thought process.


----------



## crimeclub

probably offline said:


> I'm curious about if you've ever been in love or in a serious relationship? I mean, usually you just know when someone is for you. It might not happen often(very rarely in my case), but when it does it's very obvious.
> 
> Trying someone out because they look good on paper seems like a horrible idea to me. I might as well date a female friend and hope I turn lesbian. Also, I wouldn't respect someone who was so desperately into me while I barely cared. I would start treating him badly(been there).
> 
> I thought I wasn't able to fall in love before I met my ex at 21(completely out of the blue). Before that it was just lust and crushes, yearning for intimacy and filling that void with attention from guys or trying out relationships with guys (who I really tried to fall in love with - I promise!).
> 
> I'm getting away from the topic... anyway, you're not in a rush? It might be good for you to try out guys who don't fit perfectly into your mold, but I'd avoid dating someone if you have to make a list with reasons to do so first.





probably offline said:


> That's not what I meant. I meant going for a guy that isn't your "perfect ideal type", or whatever. Broaden your horizons, etc.


So damn true... I've being trying hard to apply this to my dating life...

Back when I didn't have much experience with dating I thought I had a great idea of who my perfect girl was, I knew it! But man I had no ****ing clue, I started dating different girls and realized that my mold was getting less realistic, impossible to match, and even inferior to what I could actually get out there, since unlike my ideal girl, the girls I were dating were _real_, complex, and they surprised me with things I didn't even know I liked. Every time you venture out and date a new person you add more to both your "I like this" list and your "I don't like this" list. It's always evolving and can't be predicted.

So I need to take my mold of my ideal girl and break it, and no longer let it dictate my dating choices (there are of course some fundamental parts that might need to remain intact though like for me I need a girl who wants things like marriage or wants 1 or 2 kids, if not, deal-breaker). You can't predict anything, you can't say you know who someone is already since we're all way too complex, unique, and ever-evolving, for any kind of snap-judgments, and most importantly you _definitely_ can't predict the dynamic between two people. We really just have NO clue what we really want, it's all about getting out there and dating all kinds of people. Dating isn't a math equation it's an exploration.

Anyway, this was less of a direct response to your message and more me rambling in concurrence lol.


----------



## lisbeth

This thread is basically soapbox v.s. soapbox at this point.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> This thread is basically soapbox v.s. soapbox at this point.


I like the debates, it helps bring a little clarity to different opinions.


----------



## Rixy

lisbeth said:


> This thread is basically soapbox v.s. soapbox at this point.


My money is on soapbox!


----------



## SpiderInTheCorner

to get a boy all you need is spandex pants, tru story


----------



## mezzoforte

SpiderInTheCorner said:


> to get a boy all you need is spandex pants, tru story


Or booty shorts :b


----------



## calichick

Well, so much for another failed attempt to befriend a guy.

Within 4 days of talking, friend zone guy tells me he likes me. No casual alluding to the fact that he might be interested, no innocent flirtation, straight out tells me he likes me. I didn't even flirt, kept the convo purely business, no emotions, no compliments (even though I was so tempted to). Immensely flattering but pretty much expected that.

That's the thing which bothers me about men though. You can know them for _an entire year_, you can see them every day, and they act so coy, so innocent, so unrelenting to even express to you how they feel, even though they give off a million and one signs about it and it's women like me who read guys for a living because of that fact and we have to put on a poker face to not practically laugh at the lengths they go to impress.

And then a year and a half later, they have the courage to message you and because you're not staring them directly in the face, they suddenly muster up Godly strength to be so forthright about how they feel.

MEN. What are we going to do with them.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> MEN. What are we going to do with them.


I thought you were eating them.


----------



## calichick

probably offline said:


> *Trying someone out because they look good on paper *seems like a horrible idea to me.


lololol

Unfortunately, I do know what this feeling of love is. It's completely blind is what it is. I'm aware that you usually don't make a LIST of pros and cons when it comes to dating, but I've been questioning a lot of my approaches to men in the past and I'm debating over the fact of whether you should listen to your HEART (which often times is very irrational and clouds all sensible thinking and can be disastrous in the long run) or your HEAD (which at first sight takes some time to get used to but seems like a heck of a more practical way to approach things)



truant said:


> I thought you were eating them.


Doesn't stop that bitter aftertaste though. :lol


----------



## SA go0n

calichick said:


> The beauty about people is that there is someone out there for everyone.


----------



## Frostbite

truant said:


> I thought you were eating them.


 hahaha

but seriously. she is....:afr


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> *calichick doesn't believe us to be capable of much*


aw sweetie, you make it sound like it's not true or something?

I mean hell, if it weren't for the D I'd probably not even bother to be quite frank.

not even going to put in the obligatory "I'm joking" this time. lol



SA go0n said:


>


----------



## crimeclub




----------



## crimeclub

Wait a sec...










There we go.

Cali's first meme.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> There we go.
> 
> Cali's first meme.


I don't know what a meme is but I'm not liking the sound of it :lol










Located within, the power to populate the planet with a whole bunch of other little cali chicks 

Is that not what every other girl aims for?


----------



## Cerberus

Oh God. Someone prepare the kool aid. I think calichick is trying to start a cult. The cult of D emasculation.


----------



## crimeclub

^So the members of Cult of D drink their own koolaid, does that mean they all meet together and start chugging D?


----------



## gunner21

This is some of the greatest trolling I've ever seen. Kudos calichick


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Oh God. Someone prepare the kool aid. I think calichick is trying to start a cult. The cult of D emasculation.


Contrary to popular belief, it was actually _flavor_ aid. And no, I don't drink the aid. Not a big fan if you catch my drift.

So Crimeclub, true love is real then?

:lol

Any other girls have any man hunting to contribute to this thread?

no? only me..ok.



gunner21 said:


> This is some of the greatest trolling I've ever seen. Kudos calichick


I can assure you for the 50,000th time, this is _all_ me.


----------



## crimeclub

Cerberus said:


> only because the koolaid is so good. *What's your secret?*


Alright I think we're done with all this D talk. Sorry for anyone that was interrupted.

She adds a light spritz of Sunny-D


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Alright I think we're done with all this D talk. Sorry for anyone that was interrupted.
> 
> She adds a quick spritz of Sunny-D


Yes, because my real secret comes from a place that's not so happy. 

I actually use this board for a purpose, guys.

Have a good night.


----------



## probably offline

calichick said:


> lololol
> 
> Unfortunately, I do know what this feeling of love is. It's completely blind is what it is. I'm aware that you usually don't make a LIST of pros and cons when it comes to dating, *but I've been questioning a lot of my approaches to men in the past and I'm debating over the fact of whether you should listen to your HEART (which often times is very irrational and clouds all sensible thinking and can be disastrous in the long run) or your HEAD (which at first sight takes some time to get used to but seems like a heck of a more practical way to approach things)*


I get it. Sadly you often end up in a marriage/relationship with a good friendship and no passion if you approach it that way.


----------



## Sacrieur

calichick said:


> aw sweetie, you make it sound like it's not true or something?
> 
> I mean hell, if it weren't for the D I'd probably not even bother to be quite frank.
> 
> not even going to put in the obligatory "I'm joking" this time. lol


The only reason you think that is because the best you can do is surround yourself with people who are trash. I'm sure they're pretty and plenty act like a typical jock. But they're total trash. Put a gun to their head and they'll crumple like the weak excuses they are.

Don't put me on their pathetic level. We're not all weak in character.

It's sad you feel the need to perpetuate sexist stereotypes.


----------



## Fruitcake

Finding this thread more confusing than my love life, but here is my latest progress towards finding a _suitable_ boy (or girl but I never get any offers on that front). Been having some trouble with incompatible suitors lately & always, so I made a quiz that tests each applicant's suitability. Here it is if anyone wants to use it as a template or pm me their answers.

1. Why do you want to date Fruitcake?
A. I want to gain entry to her underpants.
B. I am lonely and she is nice to me and laughs at my jokes.
C. She is timid, cute, and quiet, like a docile guinea pig but with less fur and personality.
D. I relate to her musings on life and think she seems like a good cuddler.
E. I need a girlfriend so that my parents don't realise that I'm attracted to certain genders/species/vehicles.

2. Will you regularly accompany Fruitcake on adventures and at least pretend to enjoy them?
A. Can I bring my familiar?
B. I guess.
C. No.

3. What will you do to cheer Fruitcake up when she is down?
A. Tell her to go look at some bunnies, keep warm, and have some tea.
B. Show her pictures of bunnies, bring her fluffy socks, and make her a cup of tea.
C. Bring hordes of bunnies to her, warm her toes with the bunnies, and invent a new flavour of tea and prepare it for her using a bunny-themed china set.

4. Do you indulge in any of the following: Crushing beetles for pleasure, pulling kittens' tails, long bouts of celibacy, pointing out when people are blushing, bathing in cologne, continuing to tickle after the safeword has been uttered?
A. Yes
B. No


----------



## TicklemeRingo

^






(sorry)


----------



## truant

I think there must be something wrong with me, because I don't understand the interview process _at all_.

My criteria are basically:

1. Does being around this person make me so happy it hurts?
2. Does the idea of spending the rest of my life making this person happy make me so happy it hurts?

I really only have one deal-breaker:

1. Is this person going to try to make me someone I'm not?

I have to be me, absolutely, and they have to be themselves, absolutely. The good, the bad, the messed up, the weird, the fierce, the passionate, the crazy, the sick, the twisted, the ridiculous. Everything real, raw, extraordinary.

There's a word for people who fit neatly in boxes: corpses.


----------



## calichick

Sacrieur said:


> The only reason you think that is because the best you can do is surround yourself with people who are trash. I'm sure they're pretty and plenty act like a typical jock. But they're total trash. Put a gun to their head and they'll crumple like the weak excuses they are.
> 
> Don't put me on their pathetic level. We're not all weak in character.
> 
> It's sad you feel the need to perpetuate sexist stereotypes.


Oh yea, which stereotypes am I perpetuating exactly?

I wasn't aware there were "jocks" in the corporate world. This isn't High School Musical sweetie pie.

I surround myself with all types of men who consider themselves honest and noble.

That's the thing about it. Each single one will tell you that he's different. Doesn't matter what kind of clothes he's wearing, what his profession is, how he styles his hair, also doesn't matter that he's taken a forever after vow, it doesn't matter.

People can talk Princess Syndrome all they want, there's an equivalent to it and it's called the 'I can do no wrong" Syndrome, a methodological process birthed since childhood which combines the fruitful elements of chauvinism and ego.

Right before he screws you, he gives you that wide eyed look like, "I've been a good boy and I deserve this," and yet I need to be home by 5 pm to pick up the kids. :lol

Moving along...


----------



## Dissonance

Fruitcake said:


> Finding this thread more confusing than my love life, but here is my latest progress towards finding a _suitable_ boy (or girl but I never get any offers on that front). Been having some trouble with incompatible suitors lately & always, so I made a quiz that tests each applicant's suitability. Here it is if anyone wants to use it as a template or pm me their answers.
> 
> 1. Why do you want to date Fruitcake?
> A. I want to gain entry to her underpants.
> B. I am lonely and she is nice to me and laughs at my jokes.
> C. She is timid, cute, and quiet, like a docile guinea pig but with less fur and personality.
> D. I relate to her musings on life and think she seems like a good cuddler.
> E. I need a girlfriend so that my parents don't realise that I'm attracted to certain genders/species/vehicles.
> 
> 2. Will you regularly accompany Fruitcake on adventures and at least pretend to enjoy them?
> A. Can I bring my familiar?
> B. I guess.
> C. No.
> 
> 3. What will you do to cheer Fruitcake up when she is down?
> A. Tell her to go look at some bunnies, keep warm, and have some tea.
> B. Show her pictures of bunnies, bring her fluffy socks, and make her a cup of tea.
> C. Bring hordes of bunnies to her, warm her toes with the bunnies, and invent a new flavour of tea and prepare it for her using a bunny-themed china set.
> 
> 4. Do you indulge in any of the following: Crushing beetles for pleasure, pulling kittens' tails, long bouts of celibacy, pointing out when people are blushing, bathing in cologne, continuing to tickle after the safeword has been uttered?
> A. Yes
> B. No


1.A, duh underpants make good flags.
B. barely know you, don't really have an opinion on you. Though this question are is silly
C.animals make too much of a mess *_*
D.depends I have pretty strong opinions, we have never touched 
E. Even if I was gay, manipulation of both parties is wrong, cowardly, and dumb.

2. Depends I am up for new adventures and experiences as long as they don't break laws or put me in danger.

3.i assume you like bunnies, and eww toes. But sure.
4.magic eight ball says ask me later.


----------



## zoslow

calichick said:


> That's the thing which bothers me about men though. You can know them for _an entire year_, you can see them every day, and they act so coy, so innocent, so unrelenting to even express to you how they feel, even though they give off a million and one signs about it and it's women like me who read guys for a living because of that fact and we have to put on a poker face to not practically laugh at the lengths they go to impress.


That's one aspect where men and women are alike though. Women will usually give tons of signs, if it is someone you know you can usually tell long before they would ever admit to themselves what they are feeling. Not to mention how long it would take before they were honest about their feelings with the guy. Women just want us to interpret all their little signs and tells and act on them so they don't need to risk getting rejected:teeth Clever strategy.


----------



## Cenarius

How to get a boy
Step 1: lower your standards
Step 2: that's it, you have a boyfriend now


----------



## calichick

zoslow said:


> That's one aspect where men and women are alike though. Women will usually give tons of signs, if it is someone you know you can usually tell long before they would ever admit to themselves what they are feeling. Not to mention how long it would take before they were honest about their feelings with the guy. Women just want us to interpret all their little signs and tells and act on them so they don't need to risk getting rejected:teeth Clever strategy.


Yes but the thing about female signs (as I've been preaching here since day 1) is that they are counterintuitive to what you would normally expect.

We expect men to practically read our minds.

While men on the other hand, I could read/interpret/sum up their life history within a day of knowing them.

Men may be great salespeople, but women are even better actresses :lol


----------



## knightofdespair

Cenarius said:


> How to get a boy
> Step 1: lower your standards
> Step 2: that's it, you have a boyfriend now


Lol and step 3: stop hiding at home. That one is important. Maybe that should be step 1.5


----------



## Kind Of

truant said:


> I think there must be something wrong with me, because I don't understand the interview process _at all_.
> 
> My criteria are basically:
> 
> 1. Does being around this person make me so happy it hurts?
> 2. Does the idea of spending the rest of my life making this person happy make me so happy it hurts?
> 
> I really only have one deal-breaker:
> 
> 1. Is this person going to try to make me someone I'm not?
> 
> I have to be me, absolutely, and they have to be themselves, absolutely. The good, the bad, the messed up, the weird, the fierce, the passionate, the crazy, the sick, the twisted, the ridiculous. Everything real, raw, extraordinary.
> 
> There's a word for people who fit neatly in boxes: corpses.


Likewise. It's not the relationship that matters to me, it's the person I'm having the relationship with.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I'd have to wait till I'm about 30 anyway as current age guestimates place me on average 15-17 years old.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'd have to wait till I'm about 30 anyway as current age guestimates place me on average 15-17 years old.


I think most guys are most attracted to that age range.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cenarius said:


> I think most guys are most attracted to that age range.


Yeah maybe if you're bubbly and confident (and also physically attractive enough for them to throw everything else to the wind) I don't look like jail bait :lol I'm a bookish
looking creature with average at best facial features, breasts that are almost an OK size but not quite there, and an *** that may have potential but would need work. I'm tiny so I don't have the leg thing going for me either.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah maybe if you're bubbly and confident (and also physically attractive enough for them to throw everything else to the wind) I don't look like jail bait :lol I'm a bookish
> looking creature with average at best facial features, breasts that are almost an OK size but not quite there, and an *** that may have potential but would need work. I'm tiny so I don't have the leg thing going for me either.


LOL I was just mentioning that *those* are the problems, not the age thing. Guys might be scared to hit on you, but once they know you're actually legal then looking like a minor is hot.


----------



## tbyrfan

Cenarius said:


> Guys might be scared to hit on you, but once they know you're actually legal then *looking like a minor is hot.*


you have got to be kidding me...


----------



## Cenarius

tbyrfan said:


> you have got to be kidding me...


Men like youth. It's biological. The age of consent is just arbitrary, a girl's body is capable of having children and wanting sex long before that. It's stupid to think men's sex drives are going to magically change just because a law says they can't go for it.


----------



## tbyrfan

Cenarius said:


> Men like youth. It's biological. The age of consent is just arbitrary, a girl's body is capable of having children and wanting sex long before that. It's stupid to think men's sex drives are going to magically change just because a law says they can't go for it.


I thought you were talking about little kids for a minute there.


----------



## Cenarius

tbyrfan said:


> I thought you were talking about little kids for a minute there.


No, 15-17, the range P.t.D. gave for what she looks like. I guess technically that's called ephebophilia, but I think it's the norm.


----------



## AussiePea

You really need to start replacing "most men" with "me" and stop making assumptions on the behalf of an entire gender.


----------



## calichick

Why do all the boys come to the girl thread?

I'm genuinely curious. It's like 70% male up in here.

This is funny actually. There's literally nowhere on this site that's a safe zone lol.



Persephone The Dread said:


> I'd have to wait till I'm about 30 anyway as current age guestimates place me on average 15-17 years old.


Please don't wait until you're 30. You need to start weeding out the crowd in your 20s.

I get 15-17 all the time too, it doesn't deter me nor the men.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> Why do all the boys come to the girl thread?
> 
> I'm genuinely curious. It's like 70% male up in here.
> 
> This is funny actually. There's literally nowhere on this site that's a safe zone lol.


We're amazed that girls actually *do* anything to find a guy rather than wait passively and we want to see what these tricks are, because we sure aren't seeing them in real life.

Also it's hot to hear girls talk about wanting guys.


----------



## Darktower776

calichick said:


> Why do all the boys come to the girl thread?
> 
> I'm genuinely curious. It's like 70% male up in here.
> 
> This is funny actually. There's literally nowhere on this site that's a safe zone lol.


I would actually welcome some female insight and posts in the What are you doing to get a girl thread.


----------



## Kind Of

Darktower776 said:


> I would actually welcome some female insight and posts in the What are you doing to get a girl thread.


I would similarly welcome men, but "just lower your standards" and "you're not doing anything" are snide projections of the guy's own issues and desires when it comes to women. I think that's the problem: they don't help anyone, let alone help them find more than a relationship where people tolerate each other for sex.

I think there's definitely ways to talk to guys that make more comfortable with you, and that understanding more about men (ways that they try to get a girl's attention, what kind of insecurities they feel around women, etc) would help women here to find and keep a happy relationship. A lot of that might just fall under general social skills, though.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> ...you are aware it's against SAS rule 3b to assume one gender has it easier than another, correct?


I don't think I said anyone has it easier.


----------



## calichick

Darktower776 said:


> I would actually welcome some female insight and posts in the What are you doing to get a girl thread.


No, no, I'm quite sure that would not be welcomed.

Every time I dish it to some male SAS member here about the female psyche and why so and so happened, they end up just cursing me out or some BS like that.

I'll stay here.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Why do all the boys come to the girl thread?
> 
> I'm genuinely curious. It's like 70% male up in here.


I don't get included in girl talk IRL, and I feel sort of awkward around men.

I always feel like I'm sitting at the wrong table.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> I don't get included in girl talk IRL, and I feel sort of awkward around men.
> 
> I always feel like I'm sitting at the wrong table.


You're allowed Truant, you're allowed. You've received my stamp of approval, which means a lot on this site :lol

Plus, you like boys too.

I was mainly referring to the straight men who have a perfectly usable topic on this board taking up 200+ pages of bandwidth.


----------



## Darktower776

Kind Of said:


> I would similarly welcome men, but "just lower your standards" and "you're not doing anything" are snide projections of the guy's own issues and desires when it comes to women. I think that's the problem: they don't help anyone, let alone help them find more than a relationship where people tolerate each other for sex.
> 
> I think there's definitely ways to talk to guys that make more comfortable with you, and that understanding more about men (*ways that they try to get a girl's attention, what kind of insecurities they feel around women, etc) would help women here to find and keep a happy relationship. A lot of that might just fall under general social skills, though.*


I agree. Useful and practical advise from the opposite sex would probably be welcomed in either of those threads, but as we all know that won't always happen.

I like to hear different views and perspectives a lot of the time because it can open up your thoughts to things you may never have contemplated before or provide a unique view that you otherwise might not have stumbled upon yourself. To the bolded part you are probably right, but the people of SAS and general social skills aren't always familiar with each other if you know what I mean.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> You're allowed Truant, you're allowed. You've received my stamp of approval, which means a lot on this site :lol


I get the feeling some people will see it as more of a scarlet letter.



calichick said:


> Plus, you like boys too.


There's at least one letter of the alphabet we can agree on.


----------



## calichick

extremly said:


> I kinda wondered about that for a while lol. I literally avoided this thread as long as possible even though it seemed to be the most commented thread on this section. But yeah I got bored. I imagine this is the same reason my thread directed at MEN about dating overweight women and making them lose weight attracted so many females. Some topics and statements attract emotional responses.
> 
> *P.S:* I gave the whole "commotion" that was making people gravitate to this thread a small read and Idk what to say really. *I give you props for dropping some truth bombs on some completely clueless users here but still. Bragging about being a hot female and manipulating loser guys/chumps is like being* *a hot guy and bragging about manipulating obese/unattractive girls.<====I would totally read THAT book* Sure sure, you are so "cool" and you know so much about human nature but you are playing chess against a three year old that is playing chess for the first time is his life. Meh.


Um, actually I never explicitly said I was

hot
beautiful
pretty
good looking

in this topic, check it. The only time I brought in physical appearance was when my breast size was in question which led to something else.

And I don't only manipulate LOSER chumps. I have practiced literally on every type of man, you're thinking the typical "has no self confidence because he's short, fat or balding" something of the like. Let me correct you once again, no. Every, type. Physical appearance has no correlation to how you can use the male psyche in your favor, and work with it as you see fit.

Anyways, I wish there was a male equivalent of me on this site (Is there?). I would love to read about how he interacts with women and take down my own notes. Actually I don't know if you remember this user awhile back, think he got banned, his username was Sphere, I found his advice and insight pretty damn juicy.

I think this kind of stuff is fascinating in general. The psychological mechanisms of the mind and how really lethal it is when you understand it.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> I think this kind of stuff is fascinating in general. The psychological mechanisms of the mind and how really lethal it is when you understand it.


Agreed, but I prefer to use my powers for good, calichick.

For the most part.


----------



## calichick

Oh my dear. This isn't social engineering.

This is called being a woman.


----------



## Dissonance

Excusing how you behave on your gender is a poor excuse.


----------



## calichick

Dissonance said:


> Excusing how you behave on your gender is a poor excuse.


Don't understand this sentence.

I am saying that women have the brain capacity to use this in their favor.

Our brains are hardwired to perceive social cognition with a greater aptitude.

Are all women like me? God no (and count your blessings)

Do I care?

Not really.


----------



## calichick

I'm almost tempted to give men some advice of their own equivalent to this thread in how to best seduce a woman, no matter how physically appealing they are.

Another day :lol


----------



## Hoodie Allen

I just want to say that as a guy who has no helpful advice, I won't take over this thread.
I'm a long time infrequent reader of this message board, who almost never posts. I'll admit this thread is pretty captivating-- enough to keep me up way later than i should be. 

Calichick, i've read some of this thread and to me it seems that you share some pretty sadistic thoughts and behavioral anecdotes while using this thread to propagate your delusions of grandeur via acting as if you are the model woman who should be giving everyone in this thread advice.

It kinda amazes me that you talk so much of manipulating men and feeding off of people's insecurities and vulnerabilities as a supposed sufferer of SA. I haven't met people in rl who have openly told me the suffer from SA, but I just don't think those afflicted would be so cruel to others given their own anxiety related afflictions.

Since I haven't encountered your posts much, i'm wondering if you'd feel comfortable sharing how you suffer from SA primarily. I'm not trying to put you on the spot, just from what I read it doesn't seem like you suffer from what I believe SA to be.

On another note, Cenarius, from my recent time reading this board, your posts never cease to keep me interested.


----------



## calichick

Hoodie Allen said:


> I'm a long time infrequent reader of this message board, who almost never posts. I'll admit this thread is pretty captivating-- enough to keep me up way later than i should be.
> 
> Calichick, i've read some of this thread and to me it seems that you share some pretty *sadistic thoughts* and behavioral anecdotes while using this thread to propagate your *delusions of grandeur* via acting as if you are the model woman who should be giving everyone in this thread advice.
> 
> It kinda amazes me that you talk so much of manipulating men and feeding off of people's insecurities and vulnerabilities as a supposed sufferer of SA. I haven't met people in rl who have openly told me the suffer from SA, but I just don't think those afflicted would be *so cruel *to others given their own anxiety related afflictions.


This above is what we refer to as the literary attempt to invoke pathos in order to get me to debase my standards in showing men greater empathy.

None of what I said was 10% sadistic, if anything, it's borderline control freak. (Go ahead, quote anything that I said which makes you think I'm one sick b****. In turn, I will point out your hypocrisy as relating to the multitudes of men who prey on women and attribute it to human nature. I mean are you equally appalled by some of Cenarius's postings on here? I'm dying.).

But interesting how you say I need to ease up because _obviously _the men who I'm dealing with have their anxiety struggles and cannot function normal lives (I mean who doesn't these days and tell me exactly how you have managed to contact the men whom I have known throughout the years? Genius.)

The only thing this board has taught me dear sir, is to be less of myself. More modest, less opportunistic.

The world doesn't need these kinds of women because it poses a threat to the status quo. Women are not usually typecasted as the dominant ones in a relationship. And my response to that is, what a complete and utter bore.

Sorry, but I hope you don't bump into one of us (and by us, not referring to an SA sufferer that you claim to have never met in real life, but a woman who knows her _worth_ and uses it to her advantage).

PS I hope this 1990s story makes you reconsider your definition of sadism

Ex model Man Eater 

Thanks for reinforcing my points again.

Night lovelies.

xx


----------



## probably offline

Kind Of said:


> *I would similarly welcome men, but "just lower your standards" and "you're not doing anything" are snide projections of the guy's own issues and desires when it comes to women. I think that's the problem: they don't help anyone, let alone help them find more than a relationship where people tolerate each other for sex.
> *
> I think there's definitely ways to talk to guys that make more comfortable with you, and that understanding more about men (ways that they try to get a girl's attention, what kind of insecurities they feel around women, etc) would help women here to find and keep a happy relationship. A lot of that might just fall under general social skills, though.


Exactly.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> And I don't only manipulate LOSER chumps. I have practiced literally on every type of man, you're thinking the typical "has no self confidence because he's short, fat or balding" something of the like. Let me correct you once again, no. Every, type. Physical appearance has no correlation to how you can use the male psyche in your favor, and work with it as you see fit.


So where did all these many guys go? Sounds like most of these were just a meaningless fling with no real substance or longevity, with the kind of guys not really capable of meaningful and long term relationships anyway.


----------



## veron

I wish this thread was less about people discussing theory and more about girls posting actual practice :sigh


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Eye contact
Eye contact 
Eye contact 
Eye contact 
Eye contact 
Eye contact 
Eye contact



Not to put too fine a point on it, but eye contact.


----------



## Stilla

^ I agree eye contact is important if you have decided on which guy YOU want to approach you. 
But I also find that when random men approach they have already decided to talk to you without even having so much exchanged a first look with you (I'm guessing this is because they do it very often with a lot of women), so sometimes eye contact is not even needed.


----------



## truant

Hoodie Allen said:


> ...


There are a whole lot of judgments being made in this thread based on assumptions.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe calichick has already stated that she wishes she could establish a deeper connection with men and has even asked for advice about it.

Calichick is conscious of her motivations and frank in her descriptions, but she's not advocating that other people share her intentions. She's just sharing her experiences.

The thread isn't about her; it's about how to attract men.


----------



## tbyrfan

veron said:


> I wish this thread was less about people discussing theory and more about girls posting actual practice :sigh


It's socially unacceptable for girls to approach guys and is seen as a huge turn-off by most guys as well, so it isn't surprising that there aren't many posts about actual practice.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> I wish this thread was less about people discussing theory and more about girls posting actual practice :sigh


......where do you think the theory comes from?

Theory is a direct induction from the actual experience itself. Every time I post a story someone like Hoodie Allen up there says I'm bragging about the "grandeur" of the experience or even that I'm completely making it up.

But I agree, other girls should contribute their stories as well. Feels like the thread is only about me. :lol Thread title should be changed to: _What is calichick doing to get a boy_? because all you other girls are too shy to interact with men.

@truant Thanks
@KoD Broke off attachment, have huge abandonment issues myself.



tbyrfan said:


> It's socially unacceptable for girls to approach guys and is seen as a huge turn-off by most guys as well


Calling the Victorian Era, anyone seen the Victorian era?

COME ON GIRLS, TALK TO MEN, they don't bite!!! Once you see how nervous they are in turn, it'll make you feel a whole lot better. You can't sit back and wait to get the perfect man dropped on your doorstep.

"Don't try to find it, wait till it comes to you" - yes and by the time you know it, you'll be 38 years old contemplating 20-something year old sperm donors or on the adoption waiting list to get a child from Africa.

Again, repeating from the first page, every place you go, each time you step out your front door is an opportunity to meet a new man, create new experiences, learn, grow, develop as an individual etc


----------



## Umpalumpa

truant said:


> There are a whole lot of judgments being made in this thread based on assumptions.
> 
> Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe calichick has already stated that she wishes she could establish a deeper connection with men and has even asked for advice about it.
> 
> Calichick is conscious of her motivations and frank in her descriptions, but she's not advocating that other people share her intentions. She's just sharing her experiences.
> 
> The thread isn't about her; it's about how to attract men.


---------------------------------------------
....Alright, your manipulation skills are indeed top-notch sweetcheeks :lol


----------



## Cyclonic

tbyrfan said:


> It's socially unacceptable for girls to approach guys and is seen as a huge turn-off by most guys as well, so it isn't surprising that there aren't many posts about actual practice.


I don't see it as a turn-off, maybe that's just me. I've only been approached a few times in my life, but I appreciated the effort and it made me feel great...and I'm more enjoyable to talk to in that mindset.

I never liked the whole gender-social rules either. Someone, regardless of gender, should be able to approach anyone without fear of violating some made-up social rule.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> @KoD Broke off attachment, have huge abandonment issues myself.


Well for the purposes of the thread, it seems like you are good at getting them to notice you but the overall quality and satisfaction is not that great.. And most guys with SA would probably avoid you anyway if you were that blatantly manipulative of them, depending upon age and previous experiences. Regular guys don't like to feel manipulated and many SA guys are more intelligent and even less likely to go for that, so if more of these ladies follow your pointers they won't necessarily find the types of guys they want anyway.

So maybe to flip things a bit, from guys perspective here they don't know any good places or ways to get your attention without coming off far too forward or creepy, and for them to walk up and talk to you generally is going to take a pretty strong feeling that you won't get mad or annoyed at them for doing so.


----------



## lisbeth

knightofdespair said:


> and many SA guys are more intelligent and even less likely to go for that


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


>


What's funny? I don't get it.


----------



## arnie

Fruitcake said:


> 4. *Do you indulge in any of the following: Crushing beetles for pleasure*, pulling kittens' tails, long bouts of celibacy, pointing out when people are blushing, bathing in cologne, continuing to tickle after the safeword has been uttered?
> A. Yes
> B. No


Game of Thrones reference?


----------



## truant

tbyrfan said:


> It's socially unacceptable for girls to approach guys and is seen as a huge turn-off by most guys as well


I don't think this is true at all. I don't think _men_ find it unacceptable, maybe other women do. I've been approached by women and I find it flattering. I've even dated a couple of those women.

If a man is approached by a girl he isn't attracted to, I'm sure he feels the same way that a woman who is approached by a man she isn't attracted to does. The fact that some men are jerks about it isn't the same as "most guys think it's a huge turn-off". The men who think it's a turn-off are the men you _don't_ want.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

tbyrfan said:


> What's funny? I don't get it.


The part that caused the .gif is probably the fact that there's quite a few posts made on this forum every day that show a clear lack of intelligence.

However there's indeed also quite a few highly intelligent people on here. But still it's highly questionable whether SAS'ers are on average more intelligent than "normal" people. And if so the difference would definitely not be significant enough to back up a claim like the one made my knightofdespair. I'd even say the opposite is true as being able to read someone's intentions has just as much to do with social skills as with intelligence, and it's no secret that the average SAS'er has underaverage social skills.


----------



## tbyrfan

truant said:


> I don't think this is true at all. I don't think _men_ find it unacceptable, maybe other women do. I've been approached by women and I find it flattering. I've even dated a couple of those women.
> 
> If a man is approached by a girl he isn't attracted to, I'm sure he feels the same way that a woman who is approached by a man she isn't attracted to does. The fact that some men are jerks about it isn't the same as "most guys think it's a huge turn-off". The men who think it's a turn-off are the men you _don't_ want.


This is true where I'm from. I've seen girls get made fun of by the guys they approached, and I've heard guys talk trash about girls for approaching them. Even the nicest people don't want girls to approach - that's just the way it is. We are not supposed to do it, and doing it won't bring success in almost all cases.


----------



## truant

tbyrfan said:


> This is true where I'm from. I've seen girls get made fun of by the guys they approached, and I've heard guys talk trash about girls for approaching them. Even the nicest people don't want girls to approach - that's just the way it is. We are not supposed to do it, and doing it won't bring success in almost all cases.


I'll take your word for it. Maybe we've just been around different types of people. I still don't see how this is different from the way women make fun of and trash talk men they're not attracted to. Do you think an unattractive man approaching a woman is treated better than an unattractive girl approaching a man?


----------



## tbyrfan

truant said:


> Do you think an unattractive man approaching a woman is treated better than an unattractive girl approaching a man?


Yes. Far, FAR better.


----------



## diamondheart89

truant said:


> I'll take your word for it. Maybe we've just been around different types of people. I still don't see how this is different from the way women make fun of and trash talk men they're not attracted to. Do you think an unattractive man approaching a woman is treated better than an unattractive girl approaching a man?


The answer to that question largely depends on whether you're an unattractive guy or an unattractive girl (or think you are). Everyone thinks their own experience is more legitimate - because it is, to them. Overall, most unattractive people are treated a lot worse than attractive people are.


----------



## komorikun

If you hit on people in your social circle people will gossip. It gets bad if the person hits on several people.


----------



## Cenarius

komorikun said:


> If you hit on people in your social circle people will gossip. It gets bad if the person hits on several people.


This is something I am terrified of. The number one thing that prevents me from making a move on girls I like is that they might tell everyone I know and they'll all laugh at me and call me a creep. I can only make moves on girls that have no connection to me. I couldn't even hit on a student in the same college as me because she might one day know someone who knows me.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Well for the purposes of the thread, it seems like you are good at getting them to notice you but the overall quality and satisfaction is not that great.. And most guys with SA would probably avoid you anyway if you were that blatantly manipulative of them, depending upon age and previous experiences. Regular guys don't like to feel manipulated and many SA guys are more intelligent and even less likely to go for that, so if more of these ladies follow your pointers they won't necessarily find the types of guys they want anyway.
> 
> So maybe to flip things a bit, from guys perspective here they don't know any good places or ways to get your attention without coming off far too forward or creepy, and for them to walk up and talk to you generally is going to take a pretty strong feeling that you won't get mad or annoyed at them for doing so.


I feel like we're spinning in circles here for the past 20 pages.

I've literally had this same discussion with Extremly, Hoodie Allen, Dissonance, CrimeClub, BHL 20, Toesnails, and Zoslow.

I'll just let the other women do some talking here from now on.

*shrinks back*


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> I'll just let the other women do some talking here from now on.
> 
> *shrinks back*


*crickets*


----------



## ManOfFewWords

Get out of the house. Hang out with girls you know. Observe how non-socially anxious girls behave around guys, and try to mimic that behavior. Watch movies and study social cues. Be open to conversation. Let your fun side out. At some point in your life, you were uninhibited. Tap into that girl as much as possible. You will feel embarrassed and shameful coming out of your shell, but you have to embrace it. It is the only way to shake off the belief that you can never be yourself around others.


----------



## knightofdespair

I think it takes a more intelligent person to develop anxiety about social situations, it usually requires a lot more ability to read what you are doing and to overthink it to the point that you worry about it. From my experience dumb people don't really give a **** either way, they tend to go for everything and everyone around them and annoy a lot of people and they don't really care.

We're the chess players of the social world, we hyper focus and think long and hard about everything we do, and maybe we end up losing all the time anyway but we're at least trying to figure out the game.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I feel like we're spinning in circles here for the past 20 pages.
> 
> I've literally had this same discussion with Extremly, Hoodie Allen, Dissonance, CrimeClub, BHL 20, Toesnails, and Zoslow.
> 
> I'll just let the other women do some talking here from now on.
> 
> *shrinks back*


I don't mean to be critical.. You definitely sound like you know how to turn a guy's head but a lot of guys pick up and subconsciously avoid that kind of manipulation. I've fallen for it before like a lot of people and now its part of my actively avoid list.. It might work at some level but if it is your long term strategy it will backfire every time when they figure out what you're doing.


----------



## lisbeth

anyoldkindofday said:


> The part that caused the .gif is probably the fact that there's quite a few posts made on this forum every day that show a clear lack of intelligence.
> 
> However there's indeed also quite a few highly intelligent people on here. But still it's highly questionable whether SAS'ers are on average more intelligent than "normal" people. And if so the difference would definitely not be significant enough to back up a claim like the one made my knightofdespair. I'd even say the opposite is true as being able to read someone's intentions has just as much to do with social skills as with intelligence, and it's no secret that the average SAS'er has underaverage social skills.


Yes, exactly this. It's not even about posts on the forum being evidence to the contrary (although that's true)... it's more the idea that a) there's any correlation between SA and intelligence and b) that a bunch of socially inexperienced people are good at reading subtle nuances. It's just stupid.

I'm one of the highly intelligent people on here, without meaning to blow my own trumpet, and when it comes to reading people I am _dumb as ****. _I am literally so ****ing stupid. I have an IQ of 161 but nine times out of ten I cannot tell when somebody is manipulative, so as a result I've been taken for a ride more times than I can count. I can even have somebody straight-up tell me they're manipulative and be like, "well, they were honest enough to tell me that so of course they're going to be honest with me!". It's incredibly faulty logic. I look back at stuff I've believed and taken at face value and cringe at my own immense blindness and foolishness. And then I turn around and do the exact same things again and again.

Maybe some people are born incredible judges of character, but I'm not one of them. I'm gradually - very, very gradually - beginning to get a little better at reading cues and taking note of signals but it's still more often than not that somebody being ****ty takes me completely by surprise. For instance, I was friends with a girl who talked **** about pretty much everyone we knew, and then I was shocked when someone said she had been talking that way about me. Mine is a special kind of stupid. Most people probably aren't this naive. But I mean, when you've rarely had any friends in your life and you're a late starter to the dating game, you have basically no idea how to deal with people. It's basically only in the last 18 months of my life that I've had any real social exposure, so of course I'm clueless. People are one thing you can't learn without experience, and most of us here have limited social experience. Intelligence doesn't make a jot of difference to that.



truant said:


> I don't think this is true at all. I don't think _men_ find it unacceptable, maybe other women do. I've been approached by women and I find it flattering. I've even dated a couple of those women.
> 
> If a man is approached by a girl he isn't attracted to, I'm sure he feels the same way that a woman who is approached by a man she isn't attracted to does. The fact that some men are jerks about it isn't the same as "most guys think it's a huge turn-off". The men who think it's a turn-off are the men you _don't_ want.





tbyrfan said:


> This is true where I'm from. I've seen girls get made fun of by the guys they approached, and I've heard guys talk trash about girls for approaching them. Even the nicest people don't want girls to approach - that's just the way it is. We are not supposed to do it, and doing it won't bring success in almost all cases.


I agree with tbyr. Unless a man is really shy or thinks you're uninterested or is in an inappropriate context, the only barrier that stops him approaching you is him not wanting to. If he wanted to approach you, he would approach you. So if he's not showing an interest in you it's because he isn't sufficiently interested. Not that he's totally _uninterested_, but he isn't really bothered either way.

I'm talking about more overt stuff here, though. I mean, I would do the icebreaker of smiling and saying hi to a guy who was standing near me in a social setting - I've done that fairly often in the past. But I wouldn't do anything more than that. Not a good idea.

Girls approaching guys face different gender stereotypes from guys approaching girls. A girl who's approaching rather than being approached - _regardless of what she looks like_ - will automatically come across as forward/'****ty'. A guy who isn't really that bothered might play along with it anyway because hey, it's landed right in his lap and maybe there's a chance he can have sex with her. If you're a girl initiating with a guy, you don't know whether he's going along with it because he likes you or because you're making it convenient. You don't know if he would've bothered had you not made it easy.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

For what it's worth, the few times I've been fortunate enough to be approached by a girl I've always been flattered, impressed with her confidence, and always thought well of her - even if it wasn't someone I wasn't attracted to etc...

Where I live I suspect it might be more common for women to approach guys than in other parts of the world. My experience of male attitudes to women doing the approaching is vastly different to those being described here. Here the view is positive.

Not to dismiss the negative experiences others may have had, of course.

I think the reality that people have to acknowledge is that there is _always_ an element of risk/the chance of embarrassment when making an approach - there's no way of knowing beforehand how it will turn out. There is always the "What ifs" _(What if she/he is only just going along with it because I asked? What if they are not looking for the same thing I am? What if they tell other people? What if I seem too forward etc...)_

^That's a reality that men already face, I think women will just have to face it too.


----------



## Darktower776

tbyrfan said:


> It's socially unacceptable for girls to approach guys and is seen as a huge turn-off by most guys as well, so it isn't surprising that there aren't many posts about actual practice.


I guess it depends on where you live as well. The first girl I ever went out with asked me out. I was surprised and flattered by it and we had a good time. Even if I wasn't attracted to the girl, I would politely turn her down but still admire the courage it took to do the asking.



lisbeth said:


> I agree with tbyr. Unless a man is really shy or *thinks you're uninterested* or is in an inappropriate context, the only barrier that stops him approaching you is him not wanting to. If he wanted to approach you, he would approach you. So if he's not showing an interest in you it's because he isn't sufficiently interested. Not that he's totally _uninterested_, but he isn't really bothered either way.


I think that is a big reason a lot of the time. If the guy thinks the girl is uninterested and she gives no sign she is interested, then it could make him hesitant to approach. A lot of guys are sort of shy when it comes to approaching a girl though- and not just guys from this site.


> I'm talking about more overt stuff here, though. I mean, I would do the icebreaker of smiling and saying hi to a guy who was standing near me in a social setting - I've done that fairly often in the past. But I wouldn't do anything more than that. Not a good idea.


I think it is good that you do that. If I was interested in a girl and she gave me zero eye contact, no smile, no indication that she was interested, then I wouldn't give it a go. I would automatically assume she wasn't interested and that my chances would be very bad with her.


> Girls approaching guys face different gender stereotypes from guys approaching girls. A girl who's approaching rather than being approached - _regardless of what she looks like_ - will automatically come across as forward/'****ty'. A guy who isn't really that bothered might play along with it anyway because hey, it's landed right in his lap and maybe there's a chance he can have sex with her. If you're a girl initiating with a guy, you don't know whether he's going along with it because he likes you or because you're making it convenient. You don't know if he would've bothered had you not made it easy.


A woman cold approaching a man can definitely be risky. Like I said above, the first girl I ever went out with asked me out, BUT it was after I had done the initiating and talked to her a few times, joked with her, etc. So she was pretty sure that I was interested. She just happened to pull the trigger faster than me when it came to actually asking for a date.

Like Ringo said in an earlier post- There is a risk whenever a person does the approaching/asking out. Just because a girl approaches a guy and it isn't the norm, doesn't mean it will always succeed either. You know that big fear of rejection a lot of you girls think about? Well guess what, guys feel it too, and are just as afraid of it sometimes. Except that the social pressure is all on us to do the approaching and take all the risk.

But I don't think as many guys would see it as a huge turn off as some of you think it would be.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> I agree with tbyr. Unless a man is really shy or thinks you're uninterested or is in an inappropriate context, the only barrier that stops him approaching you is him not wanting to. If he wanted to approach you, he would approach you. So if he's not showing an interest in you it's because he isn't sufficiently interested. Not that he's totally _uninterested_, but he isn't really bothered either way.
> 
> I'm talking about more overt stuff here, though. I mean, I would do the icebreaker of smiling and saying hi to a guy who was standing near me in a social setting - I've done that fairly often in the past. But I wouldn't do anything more than that. Not a good idea.
> 
> Girls approaching guys face different gender stereotypes from guys approaching girls. A girl who's approaching rather than being approached - _regardless of what she looks like_ - will automatically come across as forward/'****ty'.


Let me see if I understand what you're saying (and please correct me if I'm wrong):

There are two reasons why a man won't approach you:

1. He's not interested
2. He doesn't think he has a snowball's chance in hell

Presumably, these same two conditions apply to women, but in your experience there is a third condition which is:

3. A woman will face social censure because she's violating her assigned gender role (being "forward/sl**ty")

Now, I don't know what it's like in other places, and maybe it's just because I live in Canada and we're all _really damn polite_ but I have literally never heard of this happening to anyone up here. Clearly it does in some places, otherwise you and tbyr wouldn't have brought it up, but I can assure you it is not like that everywhere.

I worked in retail for 13 years with colleagues who were typically in the 18-24 range and I've had more conversations about other people's relationships and sex lives than I think is entirely appropriate and I've never once heard anyone express this sentiment. I have literally brainstormed with girls about the best way to go about asking out some guy they were interested in. I've known multiple couples (and been in relationships myself) where the girl asked out the guy and no one has ever expressed anything stronger than mild surprise or pleasure at the girl taking the initiative.

I'm not saying that I don't believe you, I'm saying that I think you guys need to move, because it sounds to me like you're living in Bedrock. We'd be happy to have you in Ontario. 



lisbeth said:


> A guy who isn't really that bothered might play along with it anyway because hey, it's landed right in his lap and maybe there's a chance he can have sex with her. If you're a girl initiating with a guy, you don't know whether he's going along with it because he likes you or because you're making it convenient. You don't know if he would've bothered had you not made it easy.


You're saying that if a woman approaches a man, the man will "play along" because he hopes to get sex, even if he's not interested?

Here's the part I'm slightly confused about: How is a woman supposed to know what a man's intentions are regardless of who approaches whom? Is there a difference between a man approaching a woman in the hopes of having sex with her and a man going along with a woman who approaches him?

The only difference I can see is that if a man approaches you you can be slightly more certain that he finds you physically attractive. (You can't say it's because he "likes" you because he might only be interested in a physical relationship.)

You can't say that a man who doesn't approach you doesn't find you attractive because, as you've stated yourself, it's equally probable that he hasn't approached you because he doesn't think he stands a snowball's chance in hell of getting you. (Ie. he finds you attractive but unapproachable.) But since plenty of men will go after anyone they feel they have a shot at, you can't be sure that a man approaching you is even all that attracted to you. You might just be convenient.

Is it that by approaching a man you're admitting that you're attracted to him and that makes you feel like that gives the man leverage over you?

I'm really not trying to be difficult, it's just that when all is said and done, I don't really see what the difference is. If you go after a man who isn't going after you it seems like you have about equal odds of ending up with a dog or a man who is just afraid to make the first move. Those odds seem about the same as relying on men to approach you.

Please enlighten me if I'm missing something obvious because I really do want to understand.


----------



## Cenarius

truant said:


> Let me see if I understand what you're saying (and please correct me if I'm wrong):
> 
> There are two reasons why a man won't approach you:
> 
> 1. He's not interested
> 2. He doesn't think he has a snowball's chance in hell
> 
> Presumably, these same two conditions apply to women, but in your experience there is a third condition which is:
> 
> 3. A woman will face social censure because she's violating her assigned gender role (being "forward/sl**ty")


It sounds like what she's saying is if a guy's interested he'll approach, and if he doesn't approach he's not interested. So that lets her take no responsibility for her own dating life because she thinks there's no use to approaching.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cenarius said:


> It sounds like what she's saying is if a guy's interested he'll approach, and if he doesn't approach he's not interested. So that lets her take no responsibility for her own dating life because she thinks there's no use to approaching.


It's a really depressing notion when you've barely ever been approached and even then only by people who have known you for a while. Like at best you're an after 
thought and at worst (and most often) you're just plain unattractive to all men.

At least guys can think 'well women rarely approach anyway for numerous reasons so maybe some women out there do find me attractive but just won't approach.'

Going by that logic anyway. It makes you think, what is even the point? If you're not very attractive and don't have guys falling over each other to be with you, you might as well save time and invest in cats.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> Unless a man is really shy or thinks you're uninterested or is in an inappropriate context, the only barrier that stops him approaching you is him not wanting to. If he wanted to approach you, he would approach you. So if he's not showing an interest in you it's because he isn't sufficiently interested. Not that he's totally _uninterested_, but he isn't really bothered either way.


Exactly. Basically, "He's Just Not That Into You" speaks the truth.

We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. We're basically doomed to wait around and hope that we're pretty enough for a guy to give us the time of day. Those of us who don't get approached often get to deal with the pain of knowing that we're unattractive to most (if not all) men.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's a really depressing notion when you've barely ever been approached and even then only by people who have known you for a while. Like at best you're an after
> thought and at worst (and most often) you're just plain unattractive to all men.
> 
> At least guys can think 'well women rarely approach anyway for numerous reasons so maybe some women out there do find me attractive but just won't approach.'
> 
> Going by that logic anyway.


Just fyi I don't agree with her. I really disagree with her thoughts on that which is why I consider it an excuse to not have to take her dating life into her own hands.

There are many other reasons why a guy might not approach, she said a guy might be "really shy" but I would say most guys in their life, even the most confident ones, have at times felt too shy to ask a girl out so I don't think that's so rare. A guy could also be worried about gossip if it's someone too close to him.

But here's a big reason why I think girls should give approaching a try: a guy could be too fixated on something else and not even think of you, until you force yourself onto his radar and get noticed. I don't think guys are going around hitting on every girl they're attracted to, I know I've had plenty of conversations with friends about specific girls they liked but they never asked her out just because they never found the right time or were busy with other things, or any number of reasons.


----------



## Darktower776

@ Truant- I'm not going to quote all that but that was a darn good post.


----------



## AussiePea

truant said:


> Let me see if I understand what you're saying (and please correct me if I'm wrong):
> 
> There are two reasons why a man won't approach you:
> 
> 1. He's not interested
> 2. He doesn't think he has a snowball's chance in hell
> 
> Presumably, these same two conditions apply to women, but in your experience there is a third condition which is:
> 
> 3. A woman will face social censure because she's violating her assigned gender role (being "forward/sl**ty")
> 
> Now, I don't know what it's like in other places, and maybe it's just because I live in Canada and we're all _really damn polite_ but I have literally never heard of this happening to anyone up here. Clearly it does in some places, otherwise you and tbyr wouldn't have brought it up, but I can assure you it is not like that everywhere.
> 
> I worked in retail for 13 years with colleagues who were typically in the 18-24 range and I've had more conversations about other people's relationships and sex lives than I think is entirely appropriate and I've never once heard anyone express this sentiment. I have literally brainstormed with girls about the best way to go about asking out some guy they were interested in. I've known multiple couples (and been in relationships myself) where the girl asked out the guy and no one has ever expressed anything stronger than mild surprise or pleasure at the girl taking the initiative.
> 
> I'm not saying that I don't believe you, I'm saying that I think you guys need to move, because it sounds to me like you're living in Bedrock. We'd be happy to have you in Ontario.
> 
> You're saying that if a woman approaches a man, the man will "play along" because he hopes to get sex, even if he's not interested?
> 
> Here's the part I'm slightly confused about: How is a woman supposed to know what a man's intentions are regardless of who approaches whom? Is there a difference between a man approaching a woman in the hopes of having sex with her and a man going along with a woman who approaches him?
> 
> The only difference I can see is that if a man approaches you you can be slightly more certain that he finds you physically attractive. (You can't say it's because he "likes" you because he might only be interested in a physical relationship.)
> 
> You can't say that a man who doesn't approach you doesn't find you attractive because, as you've stated yourself, it's equally probable that he hasn't approached you because he doesn't think he stands a snowball's chance in hell of getting you. (Ie. he finds you attractive but unapproachable.) But since plenty of men will go after anyone they feel they have a shot at, you can't be sure that a man approaching you is even all that attracted to you. You might just be convenient.
> 
> Is it that by approaching a man you're admitting that you're attracted to him and that makes you feel like that gives the man leverage over you?
> 
> I'm really not trying to be difficult, it's just that when all is said and done, I don't really see what the difference is. If you go after a man who isn't going after you it seems like you have about equal odds of ending up with a dog or a man who is just afraid to make the first move. Those odds seem about the same as relying on men to approach you.
> 
> Please enlighten me if I'm missing something obvious because I really do want to understand.


Agree completely with this and these have also been my experiences, which include having lived with single girls who were heavily into the dating scene and discussed at lengths the aspects being discussed here. Perhaps as you mentioned, it is quite region specific.


----------



## truant

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's a really depressing notion when you've barely ever been approached and even then only by people who have known you for a while. Like at best you're an after
> thought and at worst (and most often) you're just plain unattractive to all men.


It is a depressing thought. That's why being unattractive sucks.



Persephone The Dread said:


> At least guys can think 'well women rarely approach anyway for numerous reasons so maybe some women out there do find me attractive but just won't approach.'


I doubt there are many men thinking this. Kudos to them if they are.

If no woman ever looks your way, if they refuse to make eye contact, if they frown when you look at them, if they never talk to you, if they move away from you to avoid being near you, it's pretty hard to fool yourself into believing that it's just because they're shy. If a woman isn't attracted to you, it's not hard to read the signals. That's how guys know who to approach and who not to approach. You're kidding yourself if you think this hurts less than never being approached. Being unattractive sucks for everyone, man or woman.



Persephone The Dread said:


> Going by that logic anyway. It makes you think, what is even the point? If you're not very attractive and don't have guys falling over each other to be with you, you might as well save time and invest in cats.


Or videogames.

@Darktower: Thanks.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> *I don't mean to be critical*.. You definitely sound like you know how to turn a guy's head but a lot of guys pick up and subconsciously avoid that kind of manipulation. I've fallen for it before like a lot of people and now its part of my actively avoid list.. It might work at some level but if it is your long term strategy it will backfire every time when they figure out what you're doing.


I'm perfectly fine with criticism when the person knows what they're talking about.


----------



## zoslow

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's a really depressing notion when you've barely ever been approached and even then only by people who have known you for a while. Like at best you're an after
> thought and at worst (and most often) you're just plain unattractive to all men.
> 
> At least guys can think 'well women rarely approach anyway for numerous reasons so maybe some women out there do find me attractive but just won't approach.'
> 
> Going by that logic anyway. It makes you think, what is even the point? If you're not very attractive and don't have guys falling over each other to be with you, you might as well save time and invest in cats.


But unless you are interested in a lot of hookups, isn't the important part if there is one guy who really wants to be with you that you like too? I mean of course it would flatter me if I had girls falling over each other to be with me and I'd probably have a lot of fun... but when it comes to call it's sort of irrelevant as I'd like to have a serious relationship with one person.

And I don't wanna get into who has it worse, men or women but is it really better to never get approached as a man than to be rarely approached as a woman? I don't think so. It has it's pros and cons in different ways. You are right guys can think women rarely approaches anyways while women are more likely to get approached more often. At the same time it has to suck to never get any validation as a guy by seeing that women is interested in him.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I'm perfectly fine with criticism when the person knows what they're talking about.


Your approach seems a lot like how my fiancée's has been... and she basically only got away with it because she was pretty cute and I'm sometimes too big of a sucker, but its never ideal. Just something to keep in mind.


----------



## Darktower776

truant said:


> You're saying that if a woman approaches a man, the man will "play along" because he hopes to get sex, even if he's not interested?
> 
> Here's the part I'm slightly confused about: How is a woman supposed to know what a man's intentions are regardless of who approaches whom? Is there a difference between a man approaching a woman in the hopes of having sex with her and a man going along with a woman who approaches him?
> 
> The only difference I can see is that if a man approaches you you can be slightly more certain that he finds you physically attractive. (You can't say it's because he "likes" you because he might only be interested in a physical relationship.)
> 
> You can't say that a man who doesn't approach you doesn't find you attractive because, as you've stated yourself, it's equally probable that he hasn't approached you because he doesn't think he stands a snowball's chance in hell of getting you. (Ie. he finds you attractive but unapproachable.) But since plenty of men will go after anyone they feel they have a shot at, you can't be sure that a man approaching you is even all that attracted to you. You might just be convenient.
> 
> Is it that by approaching a man you're admitting that you're attracted to him and that makes you feel like that gives the man leverage over you?
> 
> I'm really not trying to be difficult, it's just that when all is said and done, I don't really see what the difference is. If you go after a man who isn't going after you it seems like you have about equal odds of ending up with a dog or a man who is just afraid to make the first move. Those odds seem about the same as relying on men to approach you.
> 
> Please enlighten me if I'm missing something obvious because I really do want to understand.


There are some truth bombs in there. In fact I've asked the same question before to girls that used that same excuse about why they would never approach a guy or ask him out. Never heard an answer to that question from a female because I'm honestly curious.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

zoslow said:


> But unless you are interested in a lot of hookups, *isn't the important part if there is one guy who really wants to be with you that you like too?* I mean of course it would flatter me if I had girls falling over each other to be with me and I'd probably have a lot of fun... but when it comes to call it's sort of irrelevant as I'd like to have a serious relationship with one person.
> 
> And I don't wanna get into who has it worse, men or women but is it really better to never get approached as a man than to be rarely approached as a woman? I don't think so. It has it's pros and cons in different ways. You are right guys can think women rarely approaches anyways while women are more likely to get approached more often. At the same time it has to suck to never get any validation as a guy by seeing that women is interested in him.


Definitely but your chances of finding that are greatly reduced unless you're attracted to everyone who is attracted to you 

Being approached rarely is better for both genders than not being approached at all. But not being approached at all is bad if you can't brush it off with something like that thought I mentioned before. Obviously not all guys will be that optimistic, but some might I guess. I don't think I've ever met a blindly optimistic woman when it comes to dating XD I'm sure they're hiding somewhere. (Calichick aside of course..)


----------



## calichick

Random boy thought of the day: It takes me about 20 seconds upon first meeting a man to sense what he feels about me.

A man's eyes hold all his truths, often times very indiscreetly.

God, I love the game.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> Now, I don't know what it's like in other places, and maybe it's just because I live in Canada and we're all _really damn polite_ but I have literally never heard of this happening to anyone up here. Clearly it does in some places, otherwise you and tbyr wouldn't have brought it up, but I can assure you it is not like that everywhere.
> 
> I worked in retail for 13 years with colleagues who were typically in the 18-24 range and I've had more conversations about other people's relationships and sex lives than I think is entirely appropriate and I've never once heard anyone express this sentiment. I have literally brainstormed with girls about the best way to go about asking out some guy they were interested in. I've known multiple couples (and been in relationships myself) where the girl asked out the guy and no one has ever expressed anything stronger than mild surprise or pleasure at the girl taking the initiative.
> 
> I'm not saying that I don't believe you, I'm saying that I think you guys need to move, because it sounds to me like you're living in Bedrock. We'd be happy to have you in Ontario.



¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Maybe it's anxiety or negative perception talking. This is SAS. I wouldn't be here if I didn't see society as hostile.



truant said:


> You're saying that if a woman approaches a man, the man will "play along" because he hopes to get sex, even if he's not interested?
> 
> Here's the part I'm slightly confused about: How is a woman supposed to know what a man's intentions are regardless of who approaches whom? Is there a difference between a man approaching a woman in the hopes of having sex with her and a man going along with a woman who approaches him?
> 
> The only difference I can see is that if a man approaches you you can be slightly more certain that he finds you physically attractive. (You can't say it's because he "likes" you because he might only be interested in a physical relationship.)
> 
> You can't say that a man who doesn't approach you doesn't find you attractive because, as you've stated yourself, it's equally probable that he hasn't approached you because he doesn't think he stands a snowball's chance in hell of getting you. (Ie. he finds you attractive but unapproachable.) But since plenty of men will go after anyone they feel they have a shot at, you can't be sure that a man approaching you is even all that attracted to you. You might just be convenient.
> 
> Is it that by approaching a man you're admitting that you're attracted to him and that makes you feel like that gives the man leverage over you?
> 
> I'm really not trying to be difficult, it's just that when all is said and done, I don't really see what the difference is. If you go after a man who isn't going after you it seems like you have about equal odds of ending up with a dog or a man who is just afraid to make the first move. Those odds seem about the same as relying on men to approach you.
> 
> Please enlighten me if I'm missing something obvious because I really do want to understand.


If he's making a little bit of effort there's a higher probability that he's at least somewhat physically attracted to me than there is if he's making no effort towards me at all.

The leverage thing is a factor, yeah. I feel like the other person automatically has the upper hand over me anyway (I feel the same way in platonic friendships FWIW) so I don't want to make things worse for myself that way.



Cenarius said:


> It sounds like what she's saying is if a guy's interested he'll approach, and if he doesn't approach he's not interested. So that lets her take no responsibility for her own dating life because she thinks there's no use to approaching.


That's exactly what I'm saying. I don't think that's the same as taking no responsibility, though, because it's still my job to make myself approachable... and it's my responsibility what happens after that. People focus a lot on the initial interaction on this website but, like, that's just dipping your toe in the water. Dipping your toe in the water is no big stress compared to swimming the lengths afterwards. That's where the stress is.



tbyrfan said:


> Exactly. Basically, "He's Just Not That Into You" speaks the truth.
> 
> We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. We're basically doomed to wait around and hope that we're pretty enough for a guy to give us the time of day. Those of us who don't get approached often get to deal with the pain of knowing that we're unattractive to most (if not all) men.


Exactly. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Also, I didn't expect to, but I really liked "He's Just Not That Into You".


----------



## Stilla

truant said:


> Is it that by approaching a man you're admitting that you're attracted to him and that makes you feel like that gives the man leverage over you?


Yes


----------



## lisbeth

crimeclub said:


> Good movie, has kind of a conflicting conclusion though, but still good. As a realist I can appreciate a romcom with a realist message, typical romcoms have a message that warp your expectations. Though through out this whole movie it's teaching the fact that more than likely you are the rule, not the exception, but then unfortunately they abandon the tough-love message last minute for a happy ending where most of the characters become the exception to the rule and end up with someone lol. Oh well, Hollywood's in the money-making business not the life-lessons business, still a good movie though.


I haven't seen the movie. I read the book tho. I kind of wish I read it back when I was still super isolated, because (weird as it sounds) if I followed their rule of "assume rejection as the default" I would have saved myself a lot of heartache when things started happening.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> I haven't seen the movie. I read the book tho. I kind of wish I read it back when I was still super isolated, because (weird as it sounds) if I followed their rule of "assume rejection as the default" I would have saved myself a lot of heartache when things started happening.


Yup. Reading it in middle school probably would have saved me a lot of bullying on my end.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> Yup. Reading it in middle school probably would have saved me a lot of bullying on my end.


That's something I didn't think of - that actually, a lot of the maxims in it would work for friendships too. If I'd read a sanitised version of it at that age, it would've saved me bullying I think. I created my own problems in some ways by trying to befriend girls who had no interest in befriending me... eagerness to please aimed in an indifferent direction makes you a super easy target.

One maxim that stuck with me since reading it is "never give anyone the chance to reject you more than once". It sounds so obvious now, but it's something that completely bypassed me before. The last guy I had anything going on with passively rejected me three or four times over the space of the 5-6 months of knowing him. You'd think once would be enough for me, but nooope, I kept my door open. In retrospect I really cringe at myself for being so pathetic but at the time it didn't occur to me that I had any other option.

That's a big problem for a lot of men and women here imo. Loneliness, inexperience and a scarcity mentality can frighten you into acting like a total doormat.


----------



## Cenarius

Cenarius said:


> Just fyi I don't agree with her. I really disagree with her thoughts on that which is why I consider it an excuse to not have to take her dating life into her own hands.
> 
> There are many other reasons why a guy might not approach, she said a guy might be "really shy" but I would say most guys in their life, even the most confident ones, have at times felt too shy to ask a girl out so I don't think that's so rare. A guy could also be worried about gossip if it's someone too close to him.
> 
> But here's a big reason why I think girls should give approaching a try: a guy could be too fixated on something else and not even think of you, until you force yourself onto his radar and get noticed. I don't think guys are going around hitting on every girl they're attracted to, I know I've had plenty of conversations with friends about specific girls they liked but they never asked her out just because they never found the right time or were busy with other things, or any number of reasons.





lisbeth said:


> That's exactly what I'm saying. I don't think that's the same as taking no responsibility, though, because it's still my job to make myself approachable... and it's my responsibility what happens after that. People focus a lot on the initial interaction on this website but, like, that's just dipping your toe in the water. Dipping your toe in the water is no big stress compared to swimming the lengths afterwards. That's where the stress is.


If you're constantly getting approached, sure. I don't know your situation but a few girls in this thread are complaining about never getting approached at all. If guys approach you a lot then maybe you can take a more relaxed attitude towards that and focus more on the interactions after.

You're still not fully taking your dating life into your own hands though. If you're comfortable only being able to date the guys who make a move first then fine, but you're really leaving your dating life up to whichever guy happens to be feeling bold at that moment.


----------



## calichick

Random guy thought of the day

I'm so depressed of this s***. All the men I've been meeting don't pique my interest. It's been approximately a year and a half since I've really _felt_ something for a man. That actually made my heart quiver, that gave me butterflies in my stomach. That I could see a future with, that I could actually imagine our kids and what they would be like, and those big, big brown eyes looking up at me shamelessy.

I'm not getting the stomach flip anymore and it's extremely disheartening.

I returned back to an old house today where I had my first dating experiences, messaged the first men I've ever talked to in a romantic way. I almost forgot what that feeling is like. It's like an explosion of endorphins; it's independence; it's being able to make your own decisions; and it's pursuing passion all for the sake of loving another person and being loved in return...what a truly amazing feeling.

God. How depressing is all this when coming across a deep connection is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

F*** if a girl doesn't get emotional about love, there has to be something wrong with her.


----------



## Waifu

calichick said:


> Random guy thought of the day
> 
> I'm so depressed of this s***. All the men I've been meeting don't pique my interest. It's been approximately a year and a half since I've really _felt_ something for a man. That actually made my heart quiver, that gave me butterflies in my stomach. That I could see a future with, that I could actually imagine our kids and what they would be like, and those big, big brown eyes looking up at me shamelessy.
> 
> I'm not getting the stomach flip anymore and it's extremely disheartening.
> 
> I returned back to an old house today where I had my first dating experiences, messaged the first men I've ever talked to in a romantic way. I almost forgot what that feeling is like. It's like an explosion of endorphins; it's independence; it's being able to make your own decisions; and it's pursuing passion all for the sake of loving another person and being loved in return...what a truly amazing feeling.
> 
> God. How depressing is all this when coming across a deep connection is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
> 
> F*** if a girl doesn't get emotional at all this there has to be something wrong with her.


Maybe the way you view guys as toys to play with and control is part of the problem.


----------



## calichick

That guy.

That guy who holds you in his arms on a Saturday morning and whose eyes you can look into for eternity and feel waves transcending over your body; makes you laugh so hard that you don't care what you look like when you're bent over, practically suffocating. That guy who texts you at 4 am in the morning, or who gets concerned when you can't hang out with him that day. Or who is so indiscernible sometimes that you can't tell if he's moved in some way or just deep in thought.

He gets flustered when you look at him, and he takes endless measures to ensure that you're his first priority.

And he makes getting up every day something to look forward to, and he's so goal driven that it amazes you how much stamina he has.

That guy who loves you tenderly and makes you feel so delicate.

Men. Sigh.


----------



## calichick

Waifu said:


> Maybe the way you view guys as toys to play with and control is part of the problem.


I'm not looking for criticism now sorry.

That feeling was so amazing and it's so hard to experience that more than a few times in your life.

I am venting right now, please disregard.

In the end, no matter how intelligent or practical a girl can be, when that man comes into her life, she would drop anything for him.


----------



## calichick

You know when you're in a man's arms, and you can feel the warmth of his body and you're pressing up against him and he kisses you

And you feel like you could stay in that position forever.


That, is true intimacy. Heart-pounding, utterly mind engulfing, intimacy.

It's an addicting feeling. You feel like you're about to fall off the edge of the world.

Alright vent over. Going to go contemplate when I'll find that again. Go listen to some Drake and be done with this.


----------



## AussiePea

Reading things like that does make me wonder if inevitably, it always comes down to a compromise. Because not only would one desire to feel as you expressed, but then you would also require both parties to be on the same page with life goals, family goals, how they act when things are going badly or well and a plethora of other aspects which all become important in a long term r-ship. To find someone ticking every damn box... (this goes for woman too, not gender specific here). Welp, mood killing. As you were.


----------



## Stilla

I feel ya on those last posts Cali  That feeling gotta be one of the most amazing feelings in the world... Sigh 
*stares out into space and wishes for feeling that way again*


----------



## lisbeth

Cenarius said:


> If you're constantly getting approached, sure. I don't know your situation but a few girls in this thread are complaining about never getting approached at all. If guys approach you a lot then maybe you can take a more relaxed attitude towards that and focus more on the interactions after.
> 
> You're still not fully taking your dating life into your own hands though. If you're comfortable only being able to date the guys who make a move first then fine, but you're really leaving your dating life up to whichever guy happens to be feeling bold at that moment.


I haven't been approached at all lately but I also haven't been in a situation where it'd be appropriate for me to approach someone. I can stare longingly at some guy all I want but if I'm sitting at a table with my friends I can't leave them to go talk to him. It's also been rare lately that I've seen anyone who caught my interest.

I am fine with the idea of making the first move in the sense of some icebreaker comment to a stranger at a party or whatever. My anxiety doesn't prevent it any more. I've initiated in that sense before and I would probably do it again, if I find myself in a situation where I'd want to. I'm not talking about standing silently staring at a wall, but I wouldn't ask somebody out or for his number. I've said "hey, let me give you my number" when it was incredibly obvious that someone was going to ask and they had been leading up until that point, but only then. I am not comfortable chasing and I don't want to chase. I don't want the kind of guy I would have to chase.

Do you not realise how frustrating it is leaving it up to someone else? Being in the active position is the better position because then you have control. It's the preferable position.But it's not something that I could pull off or that would work out very well for me. Even leaving gender aside, even leaving self-doubt aside, it just doesn't suit my personality. I'm not looking for somebody who is less confident than me. I don't want to be taking charge. The dynamic I am suited to is to follow somebody else's lead and go with the flow.


----------



## Barette

calichick said:


> That guy.
> 
> That guy who holds you in his arms on a Saturday morning and whose eyes you can look into for eternity and feel waves transcending over your body; makes you laugh so hard that you don't care what you look like when you're bent over, practically suffocating. That guy who texts you at 4 am in the morning, or who gets concerned when you can't hang out with him that day. Or who is so indiscernible sometimes that you can't tell if he's moved in some way or just deep in thought.
> 
> He gets flustered when you look at him, and he takes endless measures to ensure that you're his first priority.
> 
> And he makes getting up every day something to look forward to, and he's so goal driven that it amazes you how much stamina he has.
> 
> That guy who loves you tenderly and makes you feel so delicate.
> 
> Men. Sigh.


Well, ****. That's lovely.

The days I'm remiss about are always being the one to drive over, being reminded we're not anything serious, and trying not to binge/cut/cry when watching Hallmark Original Movies, and me reprimanding my body for not being more physically attractive so in could start dating again. SIGH.


----------



## lisbeth

Barette said:


> Well, ****. That's lovely.
> 
> The days I'm remiss about are always being the one to drive over, being reminded we're not anything serious, and trying not to binge/cut/cry when watching Hallmark Original Movies, and me reprimanding my body for not being more physically attractive so in could start dating again. SIGH.


I feel that.


----------



## gunner21

calichick said:


> That guy.
> 
> That guy who holds you in his arms on a Saturday morning and whose eyes you can look into for eternity and feel waves transcending over your body; makes you laugh so hard that you don't care what you look like when you're bent over, practically suffocating. That guy who texts you at 4 am in the morning, or who gets concerned when you can't hang out with him that day. Or who is so indiscernible sometimes that you can't tell if he's moved in some way or just deep in thought.
> 
> He gets flustered when you look at him, and he takes endless measures to ensure that you're his first priority.
> 
> And he makes getting up every day something to look forward to, and he's so goal driven that it amazes you how much stamina he has.
> 
> That guy who loves you tenderly and makes you feel so delicate.
> 
> Men. Sigh.


That guy from romcoms doesn't exist.


----------



## calichick

I turned this thread into some serious foreveralone depressing **** last night

God, it's just when a woman gets to that point with a man. Being able to see a future, and it vanishes in a heartbeat which is so depressing.

_Depression is the inability to construct a future._



gunner21 said:


> That guy from romcoms doesn't exist.


The feeling exists and that's what matters.

Oftentimes it's not so much about the man moreso than the feelings we have with him.


----------



## Barette

gunner21 said:


> That guy from romcoms doesn't exist.


Don't say that, don't ever say that!!1!!


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> Don't say that, don't ever say that!!1!!


I really hope you're not expecting that from men. It'll most likely end in disappointment.


----------



## truant

Come on calichick. Use that big sexy brain of yours. How is it possible for one person to fall in love over and over, and another person to find it impossible to fall in love?


----------



## zoslow

AussiePea said:


> Reading things like that does make me wonder if inevitably, it always comes down to a compromise. Because not only would one desire to feel as you expressed, but then you would also require both parties to be on the same page with life goals, family goals, how they act when things are going badly or well and a plethora of other aspects which all become important in a long term r-ship. To find someone ticking every damn box... (this goes for woman too, not gender specific here). Welp, mood killing. As you were.


Of course it comes down to compromises. The odds of meeting someone that is so similar to you/you get along with really well and that at the same time completes you is extremely small. The key here is that this doesn't really matter as long as you are both open-minded and reasonable people that are ready to make compromises and go to some lengths for each other. I mean relationships aren't just about finding the perfect/right person for you and then everyone is happy for the rest of their lives, it's about learning to function together as partners and then building a future together.

As long as two people are roughly on the same page and willing to make some compromises and both give and take in the relationship, I'd say you can overcome most issues. It is when people are stubborn, close-minded and completely incapable of compromises that you have a huge problem on your hands.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Come on calichick. Use that big sexy brain of yours. How is it possible for one person to fall in love over and over, and another person to find it impossible to fall in love?


"Any man who says he doesn't believe in true love just hasn't found the right woman yet."

And vice versa


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> "Any man who says he doesn't believe in true love just hasn't found the right woman yet."
> 
> And vice versa


Cheer up, it will happen at some point.


----------



## minimized

calichick said:


> "Any man who says he doesn't believe in true love just hasn't found the right woman yet."
> 
> And vice versa


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> "Any man who says he doesn't believe in true love just hasn't found the right woman yet."
> 
> And vice versa


It sounds dreadful. I can't imagine not being in love. I'm always falling in love with somebody or other. They ought to put me in a cell so I don't make a nuisance of myself.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> It sounds dreadful. I can't imagine not being in love. I'm always falling in love with somebody or other. They ought to put me in a cell so I don't make a nuisance of myself.


Do you consider yourself to have a codependent type personality?

I just haven't been intimate with a man in so long and it sucks.

Girl has needs these days...sometimes settling in the moment in order to fulfill those needs qualms temporary desires but I can't stop reminiscing about certain periods when I was genuinely happy.

Men. Hrmph. There are some really special guys out there.


----------



## calichick

I need to get me a husband by the time I bid this site farewell :lol

#notevenjoking


----------



## anyoldkindofday

calichick said:


> I need to get me a husband by the time I bid this site farewell :lol
> 
> #notevenjoking


Might have to make a list of backups, made up from guys on this site.. just in case? With the whole ebola-thing going on, you never know when the world goes into panic mode and the internet gets shut down.

If you drop the whole "has to have hair on his head" thing I could be a solid #11 on your backup list. 
(if you're wondering: "who the hell is this guy?!", lurkers have feelings too you know! So don't you go hurting them)


----------



## lisbeth

Like I said: ignore list. Life is sweet and peaceful.



anyoldkindofday said:


> Might have to make a list of backups, made up from guys on this site.. just in case? With the whole ebola-thing going on, you never know when the world goes into panic mode and the internet gets shut down.
> 
> If you drop the whole "has to have hair on his head" thing I could be a solid #11 on your backup list.
> (if you're wondering: "who the hell is this guy?!", lurkers have feelings too you know! So don't you go hurting them)


You do realise that most of the people on this site would keel over and die if the internet got shut down, myself included.


----------



## anyoldkindofday

lisbeth said:


> Like I said: ignore list. Life is sweet and peaceful.
> 
> You do realise that most of the people on this site would keel over and die if the internet got shut down, myself included.


I totally forgot that, that's great! That might help me go from #11 to something like #8. Though I guess, if the internet got shut down, there's probably no flights from Europe to the US either..


----------



## calichick

anyoldkindofday said:


> Might have to make a list of backups, made up from guys on this site.. just in case? With the whole ebola-thing going on, you never know when the world goes into panic mode and the internet gets shut down.
> 
> If you drop the whole "has to have hair on his head" thing I could be a solid #11 on your backup list.
> (if you're wondering: "who the hell is this guy?!", lurkers have feelings too you know! So don't you go hurting them)


Hair is really, _really_, really important for me. 

I take meticulous pride in my own.


----------



## calichick

Lisbeth, Truant, tbyr, how high are your physical standards when it comes to men?

This last guy that I've been moping about was so perfect. Half Portuguese half German, that Brazilian vibe going on, 6'3, big brown eyes, athletic, lean, nice head of dark hair, light olive skin. Nice strong arms...

So depressing. I don't meet men like that often.

I'm going to go drown myself in my sorrows. F***ing sucks


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Lisbeth, Truant, tbyr, how high are your physical standards when it comes to men?
> 
> This last guy that I've been moping about was so perfect. Half Portuguese half German, that Brazilian vibe going on, 6'3, big brown eyes, athletic, lean, nice head of dark hair, light olive skin. Nice strong arms...
> 
> So depressing. I don't meet men like that often.


_I_ think they're fairly high, but here are some comments from friends about very different guys I've been out with:

"His shoes are really pointy."

"He looks like your dad."

"He looks like Wolverine."

"But he's like fifty!" (24)

"I thought you said he was hot?"

But then other friends have thought the same guys were super good-looking and I've had an equal number of "lisbeth, _how_ did you do that? I'm impressed" (particularly about the dude of the last comment) so it just goes to show diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. In my opinion, lookswise, I've consistently punched above my weight. It always surprises me when (what I see as) very handsome guys will look my way.

TBH I just go for 'tall, dark and handsome', but with facial hair (and elsewhere). A preference for athletic but that's definitely the least important factor. Beard is non-negotiable. Also have a track record of tattoos. Though once that turned out to be an ex-girlfriend's name. March was a dark time.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> Lisbeth, Truant, tbyr, how high are your physical standards when it comes to men?


Why are you asking me?...


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Do you consider yourself to have a codependent type personality?


Too independent if anything, I just find people wonderfully interesting. Even the things they don't like about themselves. I like to know what makes them happy and ashamed and sad and angry and wistful, and when they're down I want to give them a big hug. It's probably a good thing I have SA, otherwise I'd get myself into all sorts of trouble. It makes me sad to see so many people hating themselves.



calichick said:


> Girl has needs these days...sometimes settling in the moment in order to fulfill those needs qualms temporary desires but I can't stop reminiscing about certain periods when I was genuinely happy.


I wonder what made those periods so special?



calichick said:


> Truant feed me some of that blind optimism :teeth


I'm afraid it's too rich for your palate. :teeth



calichick said:


> Lisbeth, Truant, tbyr, how high are your physical standards when it comes to men?


As long as I find them interesting to look at. I don't really have a type, looks wise. Fit is better, but I don't mind a lean man if he's got style. For me, sexual attraction is more about the way they behave and the way they talk and the way they think. That will move the needle for me by quite a few points. I've been attracted to plenty of men that other people wouldn't consider conventionally attractive.


----------



## blue2




----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> _I_ think they're fairly high, but here are some comments from friends about guys I've been out with:
> 
> "His shoes are really pointy."
> 
> "He looks like your dad."
> 
> "He looks like Wolverine."
> 
> "But he's like fifty!" (24)
> 
> "I thought you said he was hot?"
> 
> But then other friends have thought the same guys were super good-looking and I've had an equal number of "lisbeth, _how_ did you do that? I'm impressed" (particularly about the dude of the last comment) so it just goes to show diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. In my opinion, lookswise, I've consistently punched above my weight. It always surprises me when (what I see as) very handsome guys will look my way.
> 
> TBH I just go for 'tall, dark and handsome', but with facial hair (and elsewhere).


YES YES YES

I love a man who grooms and takes care of himself though.

I'm not going to hate on him if he spends a few extra minutes getting ready than necessary :lol



tbyrfan said:


> Why are you asking me?...


Why not? Aren't you looking for a man? (In an offbeat, "You're hot, but I'm not looking directly at you" type of way :lol)

Alright, I'm out. I need to do more exposure.


----------



## CinnamonDelight

What counts as an approach?


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> Why not? Aren't you looking for a man? (In an offbeat, "You're hot, but I'm not looking directly at you" type of way :lol


No, I've been in a relationship for a long time. I thought it was obvious since it's on my profile.


----------



## calichick

tbyrfan said:


> No, I've been in a relationship for a long time. I thought it was obvious since it's on my profile.


Grrrr I don't look at people's profiles and I just assumed that since you're posting here, the thread topic is of interest to you.

Whatevs



CinnamonDelight said:


> What counts as an approach?


When a man or woman comes on to you with the intention of wanting to know more. Either for purpose of LT relationship, a hook up or casual dating.

I'm not a huge fan of cold approaches because the end result is to ask you out and within that span of 2 to 30 minutes, there's rarely any build up with that quick pace.

I prefer organic approaches. I love the anticipation and the tension which flows naturally from getting to know someone over time and not having any cut and dry expectations.


----------



## calichick

extremly said:


> Lol Blance. The line between being *in control* and being controlled is very thin


Did you enjoy my mental breakdown yesterday? F***ing hormones.

:lol

These are intimacy cravings. Not missing being controlled by a man (which has never happened before).

I can't get intimate or experience those cravings with a man unless I feel a connection there with him.


----------



## therealbleach

Yea


lisbeth said:


> Yes, exactly this. It's not even about posts on the forum being evidence to the contrary (although that's true)... it's more the idea that a) there's any correlation between SA and intelligence and b) that a bunch of socially inexperienced people are good at reading subtle nuances. It's just stupid.
> 
> I'm one of the highly intelligent people on here, without meaning to blow my own trumpet, and when it comes to reading people I am _dumb as ****. _I am literally so ****ing stupid. I have an IQ of 161 but nine times out of ten I cannot tell when somebody is manipulative, so as a result I've been taken for a ride more times than I can count. I can even have somebody straight-up tell me they're manipulative and be like, "well, they were honest enough to tell me that so of course they're going to be honest with me!". It's incredibly faulty logic. I look back at stuff I've believed and taken at face value and cringe at my own immense blindness and foolishness. And then I turn around and do the exact same things again and again.
> 
> Maybe some people are born incredible judges of character, but I'm not one of them. I'm gradually - very, very gradually - beginning to get a little better at reading cues and taking note of signals but it's still more often than not that somebody being ****ty takes me completely by surprise. For instance, I was friends with a girl who talked **** about pretty much everyone we knew, and then I was shocked when someone said she had been talking that way about me. Mine is a special kind of stupid. Most people probably aren't this naive. But I mean, when you've rarely had any friends in your life and you're a late starter to the dating game, you have basically no idea how to deal with people. It's basically only in the last 18 months of my life that I've had any real social exposure, so of course I'm clueless. People are one thing you can't learn without experience, and most of us here have limited social experience. Intelligence doesn't make a jot of difference to that.
> 
> I agree with tbyr. Unless a man is really shy or thinks you're uninterested or is in an inappropriate context, the only barrier that stops him approaching you is him not wanting to. If he wanted to approach you, he would approach you. So if he's not showing an interest in you it's because he isn't sufficiently interested. Not that he's totally _uninterested_, but he isn't really bothered either way.
> 
> I'm talking about more overt stuff here, though. I mean, I would do the icebreaker of smiling and saying hi to a guy who was standing near me in a social setting - I've done that fairly often in the past. But I wouldn't do anything more than that. Not a good idea.
> 
> Girls approaching guys face different gender stereotypes from guys approaching girls. A girl who's approaching rather than being approached - _regardless of what she looks like_ - will automatically come across as forward/'****ty'. A guy who isn't really that bothered might play along with it anyway because hey, it's landed right in his lap and maybe there's a chance he can have sex with her. If you're a girl initiating with a guy, you don't know whether he's going along with it because he likes you or because you're making it convenient. You don't know if he would've bothered had you not made it easy.


 yeah sure, 161. And how old were you when you took the test?


----------



## arnie

calichick said:


> That guy.
> 
> That guy who holds you in his arms on a Saturday morning and whose eyes you can look into for eternity and feel waves transcending over your body; makes you laugh so hard that you don't care what you look like when you're bent over, practically suffocating. *That guy who texts you at 4 am in the morning, or who gets concerned when you can't hang out with him that day.* Or who is so indiscernible sometimes that you can't tell if he's moved in some way or just deep in thought.
> 
> *He gets flustered when you look at him,* and he takes endless measures to ensure that you're his first priority.
> 
> *And he makes getting up every day something to look forward to, and he's so goal driven that it amazes you how much stamina he has.*
> 
> That guy who loves you tenderly and makes you feel so delicate.
> 
> Men. Sigh.


Sounds like an overly attached nice guy who's going straight to the friend zone. :yes


----------



## twitchy666

you're asking Rolf Harris?


----------



## mezzoforte

gunner21 said:


> I really hope you're not expecting that from men. It'll most likely end in disappointment.


I think a lot of girls who are in love see their S/O that way, or similarly at least. :b


----------



## tbyrfan

mezzoforte said:


> I think a lot of girls who are in love see their S/O that way, or similarly at least. :b


This.


----------



## lisbeth

therealbleach said:


> Yea
> yeah sure, 161. And how old were you when you took the test?


Sixteen. Invigilated exam, etc.


----------



## therealbleach

lisbeth said:


> Sixteen. Invigilated exam, etc.


 :eyes


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> Sixteen. Invigilated exam, etc.


You're so smart!


----------



## lisbeth

therealbleach said:


> :eyes


Not really sure what 'proof' you'd be satisfied with.



Cenarius said:


> You're so smart!


In that sense, sure. But I definitely got dumber (imo) after taking SSRIs for a long time, and depression did a number on my brain in general. I'm not as sharp or fast any more. Plus I was a lazy student at anything that didn't interest me, so my maths and science skills/knowledge are at the level of a sixteen year old's. Lately I haven't even really been reading things that _do_ interest me, so my intelligence tends to just lead me into holes of obsessive overanalysis (aka anxiety!) rather than anything actually useful. It's all potential rather than actuality, and I don't really use the potential any more. I really think I was smarter at 17 than I am now.


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> Not really sure what 'proof' you'd be satisfied with.
> 
> In that sense, sure. *But I definitely got dumber (imo) after taking SSRIs for a long time, and depression did a number on my brain in general*. I'm not as sharp or fast any more. Plus I was a lazy student at anything that didn't interest me, so my maths and science skills/knowledge are at the level of a sixteen year old's. Lately I haven't even really been reading things that _do_ interest me, so my intelligence tends to just lead me into holes of obsessive overanalysis (aka anxiety!) rather than anything actually useful. It's all potential rather than actuality, and I don't really use the potential any more. I really think I was smarter at 17 than I am now.


Oh ****, yeah that happens. How long ago were you on them? I felt much slower and struggled more in school while on an SSRI and for a long time after, but that's worn off now and I no longer feel that brain fog.

But I'm still "dumber" than I was before because that's what being out school does to you. When you stop being interested in learning and acquiring new information, your brain does get lazier and it gets much harder to start up again. I feel sorry for kids who take a "gap year" for that reason. Yeah it's fun and all, but there better be something intellectually stimulating during that time or going back to school will be so much harder.


----------



## lisbeth

Cenarius said:


> Oh ****, yeah that happens. How long ago were you on them? I felt much slower and struggled more in school while on an SSRI and for a long time after, but that's worn off now and I no longer feel that brain fog.
> 
> But I'm still "dumber" than I was before because that's what being out school does to you. When you stop being interested in learning and acquiring new information, your brain does get lazier and it gets much harder to start up again. I feel sorry for kids who take a "gap year" for that reason. Yeah it's fun and all, but there better be something intellectually stimulating during that time or going back to school will be so much harder.


Less than 2 years, but during the second year I switched between 4 or 5 different meds in the same number of months and it ****ed me up royally. I got so unstable.

Yep, the laziness is a big problem - my biggest problem. I took a gap year (I had to, because of my SA) and ended up struggling to the point of not coping at university and dropped out, though I'm restarting now. It was maybe 25% loss of study skills and 75% depression/instability.


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> Less than 2 years, but during the second year I switched between 4 or 5 different meds in the same number of months and it ****ed me up royally. I got so unstable.
> 
> Yep, the laziness is a big problem - my biggest problem. I took a gap year (I had to, because of my SA) and ended up struggling to the point of not coping at university and dropped out, though I'm restarting now. It was maybe 25% loss of study skills and 75% depression/instability.


That's rough. Good luck restarting, I wish you well. Make sure to learn about or read about things that interest you as well as what you have to for school, that's a good way to keep motivated without doing brain killing activities like obsessive internet surfing or tv watching.

The internet definitely hurts, you would think it helps because you're reading and learning new things on here, but it really hurts because it kills your attention span and critical thinking skills to constantly flip through short, shallow articles.


----------



## Barette

I made a very forward step! And now I know it reached the other person! And now comes the waiting for if they're interested.

_Staff Edit_


----------



## scooby

Off topic, but I too feel insecure about my intelligence after reading in here. I doubt I even reach a 3 digit IQ. But disregard this, its not even relevant at all.


----------



## truant

Barette said:


> I made a very forward step! And now I know it reached the other person! And now comes the waiting for if they're interested.


Good job, Barette!

*@lisbeth*: I wanted to say that I think it's great that you're giving men opportunities to approach. I think that's half the battle. It might just be that you need to work on your confidence. Maybe you're giving off a vibe that makes men hesitant to approach you. I know it's not because of the way you look because I've seen the (grainy, dimly lit) picture and you're an absolute knockout.

In other news: God this thread has a real problem staying on topic.


----------



## mezzoforte

Barette said:


> _Staff Edit_


:lol wow

And congrats Barette, I hope it works out. Get that d, girl!


----------



## veron

Today while I was waiting for the bus, some cute guy started walking my way. He was looking at me in the eyes, but then I looked the other way. He ended up standing next to me while waiting for the bus. I thought he might make a move, because he was looking at me, but he didn't. Then I walked to some other end of the bus station to get away from all the smokers around me (smoke really bothers me).

When my bus came, I noticed him inside. At some point I took a seat, and not too later, he sat next to me(!). At this point I thought he was definitely going to say something to me, but he didn't. He got off one stop before me. 

Well... this has been the first time in a loooong while that I felt attracted to some stranger. Next time I should smile or something, and not look away, haha.

There's also some work colleague that I find attractive, and I can't for the life of me figure out whether he likes me or not. I know he flirts with a coworker of mine, but he doesn't with me - not a good sign, I know, lol. But I've seen him check me out and look at me when he thinks I'm not noticing. When I talk to him and make eye contact, he sometimes looks away shyly and smiles. I dunno. Oh, and I'm taller than him, maybe that intimidates him?


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> Today while I was waiting for the bus, some cute guy started walking my way. He was looking at me in the eyes, but then I looked the other way. He ended up standing next to me while waiting for the bus. I thought he might make a move, because he was looking at me, but he didn't. Then I walked to some other end of the bus station to get away from all the smokers around me (smoke really bothers me).
> 
> When my bus came, I noticed him inside. At some point I took a seat, and not too later, he sat next to me(!). At this point I thought he was definitely going to say something to me, but he didn't. He got off one stop before me.
> 
> Well... this has been the first time in a loooong while that I felt attracted to some stranger. Next time I should smile or something, and not look away, haha.
> 
> There's also some work colleague that I find attractive, and I can't for the life of me figure out whether he likes me or not. I know he flirts with a coworker of mine, but he doesn't with me - not a good sign, I know, lol. But I've seen him check me out and look at me when he thinks I'm not noticing. When I talk to him and make eye contact, he sometimes looks away shyly and smiles. I dunno. Oh, and I'm taller than him, maybe that intimidates him?


_Nice_, V. Hopefully you'll get to see bus boy again on your route. As much as I love driving now, I sometimes miss taking public transportation because of how much it forced me to interact with other people. It was thrilling to see new faces and meet people I wouldn't normally get the chance to encounter in everyday life.

As for your coworker, it's not automatically a red flag if he's flirting with your coworker and not you. I would even say that this is a good thing in the world of counter-intuitive, passive aggressive language. He's intimidated by you. If you're in a group setting, and the guy intentionally leaves you out, that is definitely a clear cut sign that he's acknowledging everyone else, but _you_ and that just basically highlights the fact that you make him melt.

The height thing definitely is a factor at some point or another. A lot of shorter men are_ highly _drawn to women if not just a little taller than them. It's the natural genetic appeal, the Tom Cruise effect is rampant everywhere I go. If I had a dime for every man shorter than 5'10 who has hit on me....

If you're fine with dating someone shorter than you, you have the ball in your court. You need to look this guy straight in the eyes, you need to show him that you're not some untouchable, godly woman. Ask him a question or something to cut the tension.


----------



## Sekai

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. A _lot_ of guys are only putting themselves out there to rack up some points on the dating scoreboard. No guy wants to be the only one in his friend group who hasn't gotten laid in the past six months. 9 times out of 10, a "nice guy" isn't a guy who's actually into you and is just being nice, he's just a guy who's using you to get higher on the leaderboard. Ladies, you need to stop calling these guys "nice" when they're anything but haha.


----------



## calichick

Sekai said:


> I'm going to let you in on a little secret. A _lot_ of guys are only putting themselves out there to rack up some points on the dating scoreboard.


This is not a secret Sekai. We are well _aware_.

Women have been trained since the age of 12 how to spot a smooth talker when we had our first creepers coming onto us right before we hit puberty.

That is why we develop all these "tests" to put you men through. Purpose = to gauge your true intentions.

I can't reveal to you what those tests are though. It's girl code.


----------



## Darktower776

calichick said:


> This is not a secret Sekai. We are well _aware_.
> 
> *Women have been trained since the age of 12 how to spot a smooth talker* when we had our first creepers coming onto us right before we hit puberty.
> 
> That is why we develop all these "tests" to put you men through. Purpose = to gauge your true intentions :lol


How come so many females fall for it then? And I'm not blaming them for falling into some d-bag guy's schemes, it's just a question.


----------



## AussiePea

Darktower776 said:


> How come so many females fall for it then? And I'm not blaming them for falling into some d-bag guy's schemes, it's just a question.


I guess they spot it, but his bedroom eyes always win in the end.


----------



## calichick

Darktower776 said:


> How come so many females fall for it then? And I'm not blaming them for falling into some d-bag guy's schemes, it's just a question.


Yea, the bedroom eyes.

All the naivety surrounding this is just an unwillingness to acknowledge the fact that no matter what he said or did, she would still spread for him, honestly females aren't that clueless. We make our own decisions and we can't blame anyone for forcing us to do something. (Except if he actually did force us to do something)

I need to go work on my bedroom eyes now.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> *@lisbeth*: I wanted to say that I think it's great that you're giving men opportunities to approach. I think that's half the battle. It might just be that you need to work on your confidence. Maybe you're giving off a vibe that makes men hesitant to approach you. I know it's not because of the way you look because I've seen the (grainy, dimly lit) picture and you're an absolute knockout.












Eeee. Thank you. You're making me blush.

TBH, though, I'm not really giving anyone opportunities. For instance, I was in a pub the other night and I saw a couple of guys standing at the bar who really piqued my interest... in different times I would've pointedly positioned myself within talking distance, but I was out for a drink with one male friend. That pretty much puts a bullet in any possibility. Whenever I'm with a friend or two, it's not really the right moment. Especially when it's a male friend. But then when I'm on my own, I'm too anxious to talk to anyone who comes up to me - and I'm never really on my own in a social place anyway. So I guess putting myself into the right situations and then being comfortable in them is one thing I have to work on.



calichick said:


> Women have been trained since the age of 12 how to spot a smooth talker when we had our first creepers coming onto us right before we hit puberty.


LOL, not me. I was a gawky and unappealing teenager so I didn't come into contact with any creepy or uncreepy male interest until I was 19. I never learned this stuff. I've only recently started learning it now, and unfortunately when you reach this age so naive and clueless the only way to learn is the hard way.

Then again, even platonically I am a terrible judge of character.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> LOL, not me. I was a gawky and unappealing teenager so I didn't come into contact with any creepy or uncreepy male interest until I was 19.


I was gawky and unappealing as a teenager too (uh 5'10, 120 pounds, flat as a board, cystic acne, I guess a lot of women go through an ugly duckling phase at some point or another) but I had major creepers up in my business. Men pushing 50 hitting on me, even professors, which is really where I started picking up on how to work with men to get what I want.

As I was discussing with another girl on here, if you bear resemblance to a female, chances are, you will get hit on.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> I was gawky and unappealing as a teenager too (uh 5'10, 120 pounds, flat as a board, cystic acne, I guess a lot of women go through an ugly duckling phase at some point or another) but I had major creepers up in my business. Men pushing 50 hitting on me, even professors, which is really where I started picking up on how to work with men to get what I want.
> 
> As I was discussing with another girl on here, if you bare resemblance to a female, chances are, you will get hit on.


Apparently I didn't bear any resemblance to a female. :b


----------



## Cyclonic

veron said:


> Today while I was waiting for the bus, some cute guy started walking my way. He was looking at me in the eyes, but then I looked the other way. He ended up standing next to me while waiting for the bus. I thought he might make a move, because he was looking at me, but he didn't. Then I walked to some other end of the bus station to get away from all the smokers around me (smoke really bothers me).
> 
> When my bus came, I noticed him inside. At some point I took a seat, and not too later, he sat next to me(!). At this point I thought he was definitely going to say something to me, but he didn't. He got off one stop before me.




This sounds exactly like something I would do. I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation with a girl I found attractive, but I would try and put myself in a position where hopefully she would notice me. Definitely something I need to work on...


----------



## calichick

@lisbeth, I didn't either until age 19, but I was well acquainted with the secret of Victoria (at the grand price of $42 no less), and that is silicone enhanced bras. lmfao.

Alright, whoever invented the trace back feature on social media is a genius.

This friend zone guy I've been talking about keeps popping up in my feed.

*CALITIP #95*: Women, you need to view _ever_y man as an opportunity to offer you something. Free career advice, a repairman, a carpenter, real estate agent, a mechanic, sperm donor?? men are always willing to offer a helping hand to a woman in distress, especially if that woman is the apple of their eye.

I'm not interested in this guy romantically, but he has an* ACE* job at one of the top institutions in the country, I already researched his salary, he's doing $80k in his 20s. His place in my priorities shot up tenfold. If worst comes to worst, he might be my connection to one of the top companies, reference to others, and a foot in the door, especially since I bid farewell to my last job and I'm a vegetable collecting dust and mold and wasting some of my best years away. I have been so reluctant to rely on men for help my whole life at the constant preaching of my mother, but when convenience offers itself...

Few years back, one guy had such a huge thing for my best friend, he actually took time off work to apartment hunt for her, do her biddings, research affordable places in the area. This chick already had a boyfriend but I guess he wasn't aware of that. I think that was pushing it a bit to the extreme and my friend is the categorical definition of a maneater, but I realize now what she was doing and that was taking advantage of free help with no remorse. (No longer friends with this callous *****)

Do not shut your door to anybody even if it means maintaining _cordial_ relations.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> *CALITIP #95*: Women, you need to view _ever_y man as an opportunity to offer you something. Free career advice, a repairman, a carpenter, real estate agent, a mechanic, sperm donor?? men are always willing to offer a helping hand to a woman in distress, especially if that woman is the apple of their eye.
> 
> I'm not interested in this guy romantically, but he has an* ACE* job at one of the top institutions in the country, I already researched his salary, he's doing $80k in his 20s. His place in my priorities shot up tenfold when I found that out. If worst comes to worst, he might be my connection to one of the top companies, reference to others, and a foot in the door, especially since I bid farewell to my last job and I'm a vegetable collecting dust and mold and wasting some of my best years away. I have been so reluctant to rely on men for help my whole life at the constant preaching of my mother, but when convenience offers itself...
> 
> Few years back, one guy had such a huge thing for my best friend, he actually took time off work to apartment hunt for her, do her biddings, research affordable places in the area. This chick already had a boyfriend but I guess he wasn't aware of that. I think that was pushing it a bit to the extreme and my friend is the categorical definition of a maneater, but I realize now what she was doing and that was taking advantage of free help with no remorse. (No longer friends with this callous *****)
> 
> Do not shut your door to anybody even if it means maintaining _cordial_ relations.


This makes me think of:






I'm too much of a grumpy loner to maintain contact with people I don't really like just because I might benefit somehow. I don't feel shortchanged by that.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> I'm too much of a grumpy loner to maintain contact with people I don't really like just because I might benefit somehow.


It'll be different after college.

Trust me.



Madax said:


> I couldn't bring myself to start up a conversation with a girl I found attractive


What if she looked straight at you and smiled? Would you cower back in fear?


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> It'll be different after college.
> 
> Trust me.


If I turn out like my dad, I'll probably be worse.

No, of course it's different with work etc, but in terms of social/personal life I can't be bothered.


----------



## Cenarius

This thread just changed from being cool and hot to making me really angry. Are you seriously telling her girls to trick men into paying for them?


----------



## Cenarius

@calichick

Yeah I was. I do not like this mention system though!


----------



## calichick

Someone please tell him this thread doesn't cater to the male SAS demographic in order to appeal to them in any way and that I don't care to discuss the difference between golddigging and opportunism.

Thank you.

Ciao










(Cause Zerix asked)


----------



## Cyclonic

calichick said:


> What if she looked straight at you and smiled? Would you cower back in fear?


I've never had this happen so I really don't know how I would react.


----------



## calichick

Madax said:


> I've never had this happen so I really don't know how I would react.


I'm going to give you some advice cause I just realized you're a moderator.

If you ever get the chance to talk to an attractive woman,

DO NOT

•Gawk at her or stare one moment too long. 
•Tilt your head or widen your eyes. 
•Position your body completely facing her
•Compliment her in any way (very important and where most men fail)
•Ask questions too personal right off the bat
•Make it seem like you're desperate
•Hint at the possibility of wanting to ask her out
•Brag about how much you know

How you want to treat these women is very objectively, very matter of fact. As if you have a girlfriend already and are making pure small talk. You don't need her, but she needs you. You want to catch her off guard, spark up something very random as if you need to get somewhere but don't know how or ask her an impersonal question. God, I love that. I love when men talk to me as if they genuinely are just trying to be nice and not get in my pants. You're not talking to her solely on the basis that you think she's one hot piece of ***. This should be the last thing on your mind when you approach a woman who is constantly being harassed by suitors.

Alright I'm out for good this time...

Remember my motto ladies, it won't work out, if he doesn't work out.


----------



## Cyclonic

calichick said:


> I'm going to give you some advice cause I just realized you're a moderator.


Thanks, but I hope people just think of me as any other user on the site.



> •Gawk at her or stare one moment too long.
> •Tilt your head or widen your eyes.
> •Position your body completely facing her
> •Compliment her in any way (very important and where most men fail)
> •Ask questions too personal right off the bat
> •Make it seem like you're desperate
> •Hint at the possibility of wanting to ask her out
> •Brag about how much you know


Most, if not all, of these points barely cross my mind, either they're things I would be too afraid to do or just not part of who I am as a person.

The most I ever seem to do is a few glances or the "out of the corner of my eye" look. I occasionally do a "walk by" too, I don't know if it does much but I feel like I'm "asserting my presence" in a way.



> How you want to treat these women is very objectively, very matter of fact. As if you have a girlfriend already and are making pure small talk.


This has never been too much of a problem for me, I feel like I treat women, regardless of how attractive I find them, as just another person. I wouldn't think of staring or even talking in a flirting tone. I see women as just human beings with different body parts, I may be sexually attracted to them but I feel like that's secondary, if that makes any sense.



> You don't need her, but she needs you. You want to catch her off guard, spark up something very random as if you need to get somewhere but don't know how or ask her an impersonal question. God, I love that. I love when men talk to me as if they genuinely are just trying to be nice and not get in my pants. You're not talking to her solely on the basis that you think she's one hot piece of ***. This should be the last thing on your mind when you approach a woman who is constantly being harassed by suitors.


My comments above pretty much describe my feelings on this too. I couldn't even imagining using some cheesy pick-up line on a cold approach, I feel like most intelligent women would hate that.

I feel like I have a lot going for me
- Positive outlook (beating depression has been amazing)
- Good job
- College education
- Exercise daily
- Take care of my appearance and what I wear
- Cologne :lol
- Feel quite comfortable in bars/clubs

I really feel like the approach is the missing piece to it all and once I can get over that, good things will happen. The biggest hurdle for me seems to be that a lot of women out at bars/clubs tend to be in groups, either all women or a mix of guys/girls. Approaching one person alone has me anxious enough, a group? :hide

Anyway, thanks for the advice calichick!


----------



## calichick

Sounds like you're the full package.


Every minute of the day though is an opportunity to meet a woman, not only between the hours of 9 PM and 3 AM. Always have your peripherals on.

Women are teeming everywhere you go (as in my list of go to spots throughout this thread), tons of single girls putting out for men who don't even realize it. Like I said before, I actively seek to get approached by men. Is like a game almost. From taking a walk around the neighborhood, to refilling gas, to shopping for groceries, to work outings. The men that find a way when it's willing to insert themselves into the equation win the most points.

Anyways good luck, happy hunting.


----------



## Mr Bacon

You seem to love analyzing manipulation and power dynamics between men & women, Cali. I'd like to have your input on the following problematic.

You don't value sex on its own but you view intercourse as a tool to obtain/reinforce emotional intimacy with the guy you dig. Men, on the other hand, still appreciate and seek 'no strings attached sex' for what it is, but are also susceptible of falling in love.

Therefore between the moment you meet a guy who finds you attractive (point *A*), and the moment you two have sex (point *B*), the decision-making power shifts from you to the guy - who is left with the choice of either dumping you after dipping his biscuit, or sticking around.

Hence *your goal is to throw some of that calichick magic at the guy inbetween point A & B* to make sure he's under your spell and ends up wanting more than just p***y once the deed is done. What's your formula for doing that, exactly? I'm intrigued.


----------



## calichick

Mr Bacon said:


> You seem to love analyzing manipulation and power dynamics between men & women, Cali. I'd like to have your input on the following problematic.
> 
> You don't value sex on its own but you view intercourse as a tool to obtain/reinforce emotional intimacy with the guy you dig. Men, on the other hand, still appreciate and seek 'no strings attached sex' for what it is, but are also susceptible of falling in love.
> 
> Therefore between the moment you meet a guy who finds you attractive (point *A*), and the moment you two have sex (point *B*), the decision-making power shifts from you to the guy - who is left with the choice of either dumping you after dipping his biscuit, or sticking around.
> 
> Hence *your goal is to throw some of that calichick magic at the guy inbetween point A & B* to make sure he's under your spell and ends up wanting more than just p***y once the deed is done. What's your formula for doing that, exactly? I'm intrigued.


Come on, hit me with a harder question than that.

Every girl has her own period after which she deems it safe to sleep with the guy she's seeing. For some, they're not going to have the willpower or the assertiveness to last a few dates. For others, it can go up to _90 days_ (and for more extreme cases, until marriage).

Like I said before, withholding sex until she gauges what his true intentions are is really the most honest to God, straight-forward way to reveal a lot about his true character.

Chances are it can go in 1 of three directions after she refuses to let him in her pants:

a) he's done, on to the next girl, doesn't have the patience nor the interest to stick around (would've been a hit it or quit it anyways)
b) he is not exclusive to her and derives sexual fulfillment from other women which means he can't commit to a relationship which doesn't involve sex
c) he's faithful until she's ready

The control _never_ shifts. It's always in the girl's hands if she has enough trust in her own intuition to sense where things are going.

After Point B when they finally consummate the act, he has stood the test of time, which is key (and various other tests), and now the girl may use sex as a way of constantly reinforcing the deal.

You don't buy the shoes before you try them on.

Now am I completely opposed to other forms of giving him a small taste of what he's in for? No, I think those are especially important ways to incite passion and keep the stamina there for him (and for her) without going the whole way.

If a man really liked a woman, he would wait. It's that easy. For me personally, I have slept with a man upon first meeting him and it's just bad all around. I give it a few months.

What would you do if a girl you liked refused to sleep with you for 2 months, reason being she wasn't ready? Would you stick around?


----------



## calichick

The more I care about a guy, the longer I'll make him wait.

Goes back to that counter-intuitiveness about women which I was speaking about.

Now girls: this task is going to be very, very *hard* for you.

We women have an inherent nurturing tendency so not being able to completely satisfy him at first is just going to pull at your heart strings.

He's going to beg, he's going to plead, he's going to bargain, he's going to throw himself at your knees, he might even be more forceful than he realizes with you because of how much the idea excites him. But the point is, he'll do anything.

And bam, you've got him right where you want him.


----------



## crimeclub

Cenarius said:


> This thread just changed from being cool and hot to making me really angry. Are you seriously telling her girls to trick men into paying for them?


There's usually some truth to her advice though, like guys usually do like chances to help girls out especially if there's already some attraction. The last girl I dated we were texting late at night and she started begging me to come over and kill a spider for her at her apartment, it definitely made me feel good, plus I was into her so it was no problem, also I kind of knew that at the very least I'd get to at least make out a little or cuddle. Even something as cliche and simple as reaching something that's too high is great.

Though I can't say her manipulative motives aren't face-palm worthy.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> she started begging me to come over and kill a spider for her


This is the definition of whipped if I've ever known it.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> This is the definition of whipped if I've ever known it.


:lol


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> This is the definition of whipped if I've ever known it.


I've never been one to be whipped, and regardless she sure as hell wasn't the kind of girl that would try to take advantage of a whipped guy. I could tell what she was asking was just code for "I want you to come over and cuddle right now."


----------



## Koalacrockie

Don't worry guys, the quiet girls who sit at the back and don't have all the guys gawking over them don't act like this. The girls that don't see guys and relationships as something that is easily attainable don't act like these selfish manipulators.

money and status brings you the women you want, struggle brings you the women you need.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I've never been one to be whipped


Alright sweetie, if you say so.



Koalacrockie said:


> money and status brings you the women you want, struggle brings you the women you need.


I agree with this sentiment whole heartedly. You find your true friends in the face of adversity.

Just one thing: when have you ever known men to make their decisions according to necessity?


----------



## Koalacrockie

pfft, idk. You win. Forever alone it is >.>


----------



## diamondheart89

opcorn


----------



## crimeclub

My main criticism is that you seem to give your advice under the assumption that real relationships don't exist. Those relationships where neither person has to be worried about being used, manipulated, or feeling whipped, you know those warm relationships where people sometimes just do sweet things for each other? Those actually do exist. And they rarely start due to anything resembling PUA-style tactics, because you can't manipulate someone into that kind of thing, those typically happen because two compatible people meet. That's been my experience at least. 

Good relationships are hard as hell to find, but they aren't hard as hell to have, if you're compatible then you click and there isn't a ton of analyzing and guessing, things just run fairly smoothly.


----------



## diamondheart89

crimeclub said:


> My main criticism is that you seem to give your advice under the assumption that real relationships don't exist. Those relationships where neither person has to be worried about being used, manipulated, or feeling whipped, you know those warm relationships where people sometimes just do sweet things for each other? Those actually do exist. And they rarely start due to anything resembling PUA-style tactics, because you can't manipulate someone into that kind of thing, those typically happen because two compatible people meet. That's been my experience at least.


Don't you know this is the internet and love doesn't exist. It's all about winning. :sus


----------



## calichick

Koalacrockie said:


> Forever alone it is >.>


if you weren't only 16, I'd totally empathize.

Try not experiencing physical attraction towards a man for 2 years :lol FML


----------



## Waifu

diamondheart89 said:


> Don't you know this is the internet and love doesn't exist. It's all about winning. :sus


Love is real some of us believe in it!


----------



## TicklemeRingo




----------



## crimeclub

^Soon you'll find out Ringo, but until then just tell yourself


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Try not experiencing physical attraction towards a man for 2 years


F that. I'm lucky to go 2 hours.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

^^oh I believe it. It's...






Edit: Bah! too late.


----------



## AussiePea

God I love that song.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> My main criticism is that you seem to give your advice under the assumption that real relationships don't exist.


You mean something like this?



calichick said:


> That guy.
> 
> That guy who holds you in his arms on a Saturday morning and whose eyes you can look into for eternity and feel waves transcending over your body; makes you laugh so hard that you don't care what you look like when you're bent over, practically suffocating. That guy who texts you at 4 am in the morning, or who gets concerned when you can't hang out with him that day. Or who is so indiscernible sometimes that you can't tell if he's moved in some way or just deep in thought.
> 
> He gets flustered when you look at him, and he takes endless measures to ensure that you're his first priority.
> 
> And he makes getting up every day something to look forward to, and he's so goal driven that it amazes you how much stamina he has.
> 
> That guy who loves you tenderly and makes you feel so delicate.


Guess all these people missed our discussion 7 pages back on what emotions we experience when we meet *that man*.

I find it awfully presumptive of you though to assume that one relationship is more real than another. Emotional intimacy, physical chemistry, similar goals in life, these are all things which make for the perfect recipe.

This has nothing to do with having the upper hand. This has nothing to do with gauging a man's true intentions, or stimulating your interactions with each other or prolonging a good thing, and not investing yourself too much, too soon.

So according to your post, the true nature of a relationship is one where the couple does sweet things for each other, correct?

The heart flip, the flirtatious mystery, the worries, the fights, the makeup sex after the fights, the questioning, the thrill of the chase, the withholding, is all not part of it?

God, how....._exciting_.


----------



## crimeclub

^Hmm yeah I didn't say most of that, but asking me those hypothetical questions sure does make it seem like it though.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> F that. I'm lucky to go 2 hours.


Depression :|

That's why I have to reminsince before this bout to rekindle some of those feelings I have and boy are they strong. Again, FML.



crimeclub said:


> ^Hmm yeah I didn't say most of that, but asking me those hypothetical questions sure does make it seem like it though.


Oh no, I already know what type of relationships you seek out, and what my own problems are.

I have abandonment issues and always need to be in control of the situation.

You are the complete opposite.

I'm thinking that when you fall, you fall hard. Did I miss the mark?


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Oh no, I already know what type of relationships you seek out, and what my own problems are.
> 
> I have abandonment issues and always need to be in control of the situation.
> 
> You are the complete opposite.
> 
> I'm thinking that when you fall, you fall hard. Did I miss the mark?


I never mentioned any of your issues so don't bring them up out of no where as if that was any of my doing.

I'm not trying to derail the thread so lets just continue with the advice giving. Though on occasion some checks and balances will probably happen on this thread, it's just better for the quality of advice.


----------



## calichick

Lmfao.

I never said you brought up my issues.

You implied that one relationship can be more real than another and that's quite simply false. Everyone is coming in with a different background, a different outlook, a different grip on things and need for control.

To claim one way can be any more real than another is just ludicrous.

On a side note, I'm always trying to psychoanalyze people so if you don't enjoy free readings, well then, too bad :lol


----------



## Cenarius

@calichick I'll take a reading


----------



## calichick

Cenarius said:


> @calichick I'll take a reading


My reading of you would violate SAS policy.


----------



## crimeclub

Alright I miss-spoke there with that 'real' word. Thus negating my argument. Crap!

Let's see where we're at with your readings... a week ago you said that I have an extremely dominant personality, and a few hours ago you accused me of being whipped. Statistically you _have_ to get one right at some point so keep rolling them out.


----------



## calichick

Nope, I didn't mean alpha dominant CrimeClub.

PS mods this is purely for the sake of psychoanalysis not a critique.

I believe that you enjoy a challenge when it comes to women, that you overreach your boundaries, and that you would cater to a woman head to toe if she acknowledged you.

By dominant, I didn't mean Alpha. By dominant, I mean attached/forward. Your "emotions" towards a woman are dominating themselves. Bordering clingy, you don't have my abandonment issues and put your heart and soul into it and women tend to take advantage of you for that fact. There needs to be some let go. There's too much transparency, and most women don't like things that come easy.


----------



## calichick

Am I on the mark here or should I just give Cenarius his reading and call it a day?

Lol ok it's Friday night. Gonna go watch reruns and cry over loves of a previous lifetime :lol :cry


----------



## Cenarius

Hell yeah I want my reading


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Nope, I didn't mean alpha dominant CrimeClub.
> 
> PS mods this is purely for the sake of psychoanalysis not a critique.
> 
> I believe that you enjoy a challenge when it comes to women, that you overreach your boundaries, and that you would cater to a woman head to toe if she acknowledged you.
> 
> By dominant, I didn't mean Alpha. By dominant, I mean forward. Bordering clingy, you don't have my abandonment issues and put your heart and soul into it and women tend to take advantage of you for that fact. There needs to be some let go. There's too much transparency.


I'll totally admit to my flaws, but that's actually all completely wrong for the most part. I don't enjoy a challenge with women, and for that reason I certainly don't over-reach my boundaries, and I don't jump at female acknowledgment as if it's a rarely given doggy milk-bone. Agreed I'm not an alpha kind of guy, though that's never been a problem in my dating life because I'm also not the opposite. And women rarely take advantage of me because I'm interested in a certain type of girl and coincidentally they're typically not the type of girl that's going to take advantage of someone else (main adjectives you'll see me throw out for the type of girls I almost exclusively date: sweet, nice, adorable). And I'm actually extremely rationally minded while dating, I don't put my all in it and I rarely feel a love connection therefore I rarely even have the chance to get hurt and fall hard.

I don't say any of that as if it reflects anything good about me, I actually _wish_ I enjoyed a challenge and aimed high with women, I almost exclusively go with safe bets so if I'm going out with a girl it's pretty likely I'm fairly safe. Which is a horrible mindset to have while dating because that really limits your potential.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I'll totally admit to my flaws, but that's actually all completely wrong for the most part. I don't enjoy a challenge with women, and for that reason I certainly don't over-reach my boundaries, and I don't jump at female acknowledgment as if it's a rarely given doggy milk-bone. Agreed I'm not an alpha kind of guy, though that's never been a problem in my dating life. And women rarely take advantage of me because I'm interested in a certain type of girl and coincidentally they're typically not the type of girl that's going to take advantage of someone else (main adjectives you'll see me throw out for the type of girls I almost exclusively date: sweet, nice, adorable). And I'm actually extremely rationally minded while dating, I don't put my all in it and I rarely feel a love connection therefore I rarely even have the chance to get hurt and fall hard.
> 
> I don't say any of that as if it reflects anything good about me, I actually _wish_ I enjoyed a challenge and aimed high with women, I almost exclusively go with safe bets so if I'm going out with a girl it's pretty likely I'm fairly safe. Which is a horrible mindset to have while dating because that really limits your potential.


Alright I'm going to go back to my day job then :lol

Damn interwebs throwing off my reading technique.


----------



## SA go0n

calichick;1074700634
[B said:


> CALITIP #95[/B]: Women, you need to view _ever_y man as an opportunity to offer you something. Free career advice, a repairman, a carpenter, real estate agent, a mechanic, sperm donor?? men are always willing to offer a helping hand to a woman in distress, especially if that woman is the apple of their eye.
> 
> Few years back, one guy had such a huge thing for my best friend, he actually took time off work to apartment hunt for her, do her biddings, research affordable places in the area. This chick already had a boyfriend but I guess he wasn't aware of that. I think that was pushing it a bit to the extreme and my friend is the categorical definition of a maneater, but I realize now what she was doing and that was taking advantage of free help with no remorse. (No longer friends with this callous *****)
> 
> Do not shut your door to anybody even if it means maintaining _cordial_ relations.


 So if some girl asked me to fix their car, it would be alright to ask if she could pay me in sex. I mean if guys can offer all of these services......then what do women offer besides...........sex..............


----------



## calichick

SA go0n said:


> So if some girl asked me to fix their car, it would be alright to ask if she could pay me in sex. I mean if guys can offer all of these services......then what do women offer besides...........sex..............


It's not implied that you'll get something in return.

You get the satisfaction of knowing that you helped a woman which in itself is an ego booster.

But ouch on the last statement.

We cook..well most of us cook. Lol.

I'd make a guy dinner, give him a hug and send him along. Personally.


----------



## rymo

My god...I feel bad for the ladies who want actual advice and encouragement in this thread. It's turned into a complete **** show.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

rymo said:


> My god...I feel bad for the ladies who want actual advice and encouragement in this thread. It's turned into a complete **** show.


To be fair barely anyone posted advice/mentioned actively trying to get a guy before. Just occasional posts from a couple of users and a lot of cynicism, and then the thread disappeared until Calichick resurected it. I'm not sure many female posters are even looking for advice here.

With the odd exception here and there it seems like women on this forum fall into one of two categories: in a relationship or given up for the indefinate future/forever. Either because it's not a big deal or it seems hopeless.

Male posters on the other hand are much more vocal and there's quite a few proactive people. The difference in the two threads when I occasionally look and the attitudes is overwhelming overall.


----------



## Milco

Persephone The Dread said:


> To be fair barely anyone posted advice/mentioned actively trying to get a guy before. Just occasional posts from a couple of users and a lot of cynicism, and then the thread disappeared until Calichick resurected it. I'm not sure many female posters are even looking for advice here.
> 
> ...
> 
> Male posters on the other hand are much more vocal and there's quite a few proactive people. The difference in the two threads when I occasionally look and the attitudes is overwhelming overall.


To be fair, from what I've read of the the 'male' thread, there's a lot of cheering on for people already doing stuff, but not much support or advice for those struggling.
So I think it's more the case that the threads cater to certain types of people, of which there perhaps are more men than women on here, but one thread isn't more supportive overall.

But I'll have to admit I've only read the threads a few times, each time getting that impression though, which is why I didn't keep reading them.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Milco said:


> *To be fair, from what I've read of the the 'male' thread, there's a lot of cheering on for people already doing stuff, but not much support or advice for those struggling.*
> So I think it's more the case that the threads cater to certain types of people, of which there perhaps are more men than women on here, but one thread isn't more supportive overall.
> 
> But I'll have to admit I've only read the threads a few times, each time getting that impression though, which is why I didn't keep reading them.


Yeah, I guess that's kind of true.


----------



## probably offline

Persephone The Dread said:


> To be fair barely anyone posted advice/mentioned actively trying to get a guy before. Just occasional posts from a couple of users and a lot of cynicism, and then the thread disappeared until Calichick resurected it. *I'm not sure many female posters are even looking for advice here.*


Yeah, I just come here for the lulz. I know how to flirt, if I want to.


----------



## rymo

probably offline said:


> Yeah, I just come here for the lulz. I know how to flirt, if I want to.


You go girl!


----------



## tbyrfan

Milco said:


> To be fair, from what I've read of the the 'male' thread, there's a lot of cheering on for people already doing stuff, but not much support or advice for those struggling.


Agreed.


----------



## calichick

rymo said:


> My god...I feel bad for the ladies who want actual advice and encouragement in this thread. It's turned into a complete **** show.


There's plenty of encouragement in this thread. Look outside of all the discussions on psych.

No idea what you're talking about

There's just not enough female contributors apart from myself, Lisbeth, Veron and Truant (can I count you Truant?) to keep this thread alive.

This mainly seems like a random thought thread to me which is much for helpful. Sometimes people aren't seeking advice but moreso an outlet to voice themselves.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> TBH, though, I'm not really giving anyone opportunities. For instance, I was in a pub the other night and I saw a couple of guys standing at the bar who really piqued my interest... in different times I would've pointedly positioned myself within talking distance, but I was out for a drink with one male friend. That pretty much puts a bullet in any possibility. Whenever I'm with a friend or two, it's not really the right moment. Especially when it's a male friend. But then when I'm on my own, I'm too anxious to talk to anyone who comes up to me - and I'm never really on my own in a social place anyway. So I guess putting myself into the right situations and then being comfortable in them is one thing I have to work on.


What makes those occasions when you're with another person 'not the right moment'? What anxious thoughts do you get when you're on your own that prevent you from talking? Those are limitations that can be reframed in a way that is less restrictive on your behavior.



lisbeth said:


> Then again, even platonically I am a terrible judge of character.


What makes you say you are a terrible judge of character?

The problem with advice threads like this is that the problem is rarely with the person's technique, but with his or her self-esteem, and that's something you can't talk about without getting personal and digging around inside someone's head.



calichick said:


> Depression :|
> 
> That's why I have to reminsince before this bout to rekindle some of those feelings I have and boy are they strong. Again, FML.


My apologies. My remark was thoughtless. I'm sorry you have to struggle with that. I've been there, so I know what it's like. Do not want to go back.

Based on some of the things that you've said, I wonder if on some level your inability to find Mr. Right isn't a subconscious way to avoid being abandoned in the future. Can't happen if there's no attachment, right?

And yes, you can include me in that list, Cali. Girl on the inside. I'm used to provisional status, though, so everyone's free to place me on whichever side of the divide they prefer.


----------



## calichick

We can always count on Truant to get the thread back on track :clap

You're right Truant but mainly, there's just no hot guys around. Seriously, abandonment issues aside, I manhunt and it's slim pickins out there. I'm really reaching with how much I've debased my standards already. I'm thinking it's time to move to SoCal...


On a side note, I kind of miss Gweny. She would totally contribute to this thread as well and I want to hear if she revamped her grunge style.


----------



## calichick

It's major ugfest here in this specific area.

The guys don't workout and have 0 sense of style.

It's the antithesis of SoCal. 

Girl needs to use the interwebs to find that stimulation.

Alright, going to go try and find some cute boys.

Happy Saturday all! It's beautiful today.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> What makes those occasions when you're with another person 'not the right moment'? What anxious thoughts do you get when you're on your own that prevent you from talking? Those are limitations that can be reframed in a way that is less restrictive on your behavior.


When I'm with a male friend, nobody will talk to me because they'll assume I'm _with_ that male friend. When I'm with a friend of either gender, most of the time I'm going out specifically to spend time with that person, and they'd be pissed off if I turned my attention somewhere else.

When I'm on my own, idk if it's specifically anxious thoughts that are the problem... any interaction with a random male stranger doesn't usually last long enough for me to have time to get self-loathing. I'm not expecting it and I'm not used to it so it catches me off guard and I just get this deer-in-headlights look and start stuttering. I suddenly become a deathly-shy fifteen year old.

If I'm in a social space (esp with the help of alcohol) then I can talk to men just fine, but if I'm just going about my daily business then it's terrifying because I have no idea what's expected of me. Like, does he want to actually talk to me or is he just bored? What am I supposed to say? I'm really not convinced these people actually want to talk to me. If I try to turn it into a conversation when he only wanted to say a couple of words and go, then it's really awkward and I've totally misjudged and made a faux pas. When I lived in a student-heavy area I used to get male store assistants trying to talk to me when I went to the supermarket, and I'm absolutely certain they were just killing time on a boring shift. Or maybe my responses were so socially awkward and hideous that I completely put them off, idk, but I really don't think they wanted anything other than a minute's small-talk.



truant said:


> What makes you say you are a terrible judge of character?


I repeatedly put my trust in the wrong people and ignore glaring warning signs staring me right in the face.


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> When I'm with a male friend, nobody will talk to me because they'll assume I'm _with_ that male friend. When I'm with a friend of either gender, most of the time I'm going out specifically to spend time with that person, and they'd be pissed off if I turned my attention somewhere else.


Oh you go out with just one friend. Yeah that's a problem. If you had a group you could leave them to talk to a guy without feeling guilty.



lisbeth said:


> When I'm on my own, idk if it's specifically anxious thoughts that are the problem... any interaction with a random male stranger doesn't usually last long enough for me to have time to get self-loathing. I'm not expecting it and I'm not used to it so it catches me off guard and I just get this deer-in-headlights look and start stuttering. I suddenly become a deathly-shy fifteen year old.
> 
> If I'm in a social space (esp with the help of alcohol) then I can talk to men just fine, but if I'm just going about my daily business then it's terrifying because I have no idea what's expected of me. Like, does he want to actually talk to me or is he just bored? What am I supposed to say? I'm really not convinced these people actually want to talk to me. If I try to turn it into a conversation when he only wanted to say a couple of words and go, then it's really awkward and I've totally misjudged and made a faux pas. When I lived in a student-heavy area I used to get male store assistants trying to talk to me when I went to the supermarket, and I'm absolutely certain they were just killing time on a boring shift. Or maybe my responses were so socially awkward and hideous that I completely put them off, idk, but I really don't think they wanted anything other than a minute's small-talk.


That description is so cute!

Despite what master-of-dating-calichick says, I don't think everyday activities are a good way to meet someone, cold approaches just don't happen in real life. You're right, those guys probably were just talking to kill time. Maybe if you acted interested or flirty they would have asked you out, but maybe not, and it probably would have been a shock to them.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> Men approach women who they deem attractive enough to be approached


Fixed that for you.


----------



## arnie

calichick said:


> I was gawky and unappealing as a teenager too (uh 5'10, 120 pounds, flat as a board, cystic acne, I guess a lot of women go through an ugly duckling phase at some point or another) but I had major creepers up in my business. Men pushing 50 hitting on me, even professors, which is really where I started picking up on how to work with men to get what I want.


I've noticed the tall girls on this forum complaining of guys hitting on/catcalling them more. Is this a trend? Do tall girls just get more attention because they are more noticeable?


----------



## calichick

arnie said:


> I've noticed the tall girls on this forum complaining of guys hitting on/catcalling them more. Is this a trend? Do tall girls just get more attention because they are more noticeable?


Yea I think that might be a possibility. Remember reading somewhere that Megan Fox was at vidcon and nobody even realized she was there.

I think I just might be one of the most risqué dressers on this forum though. I've been in heels and miniskirts since 13.

SA aside, your body language is one thing you can control.

@tbyr what with the Debbie downer stuff though?

ANY woman can get approached if she wanted to.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> @tbyr what with the Debbie downer stuff though?
> 
> ANY woman can get approached if she wanted to.


lolz


----------



## calichick

Y'all just need some of that confidence.


Push up those breasts stick out that booty and give these men a run for their money.

Be comfortable in your skin, like you're the hottest woman on the planet.


Where does that confidence come from? A self-assured place within.


Life is beautiful . Alright have a good day all.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> Y'all just need some of that confidence.
> 
> Push up those breasts stick out that booty and give these men a run for their money.
> 
> Be comfortable in your skin, like you're the hottest woman on the planet.
> 
> Where does that confidence come from? A self-assured place within.
> 
> Life is beautiful . Alright have a good day all.


You'll attract guys like that for sure, I just don't think they'll actually ask you out. Maybe talk to you and stare too long at your chest, but I don't see an ask out coming. It's just not done.


----------



## tbyrfan

Doesn't matter how confident you are if they don't find you attractive. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## calichick

Cenarius said:


> You'll attract guys like that for sure, I just don't think they'll actually ask you out. Maybe talk to you and stare too long at your chest, but I don't see an ask out coming. It's just not done.


Your experience /=/ universal truth

There ARE men out there who see what they want and go after it, and no, not just by gawking at it.

A lot of men realize that if they don't take the first step, they'll never get what they want in life.

@Tbyr you're killing me hun, actually killing me.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> @Tbyr you're killing me hun, actually killing me.


It's the truth. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## mezzoforte

arnie said:


> I've noticed the tall girls on this forum complaining of guys hitting on/catcalling them more. Is this a trend? Do tall girls just get more attention because they are more noticeable?


My friend is about 5'10" and she always got a lot of attention when the two of us would hang out *queue me standing around awkwardly while she gets hit on* :blank. I thought it was just because she was prettier, but people ALWAYS say we look like sisters. She looks like me yet taller and with smaller boobs, but she always got way more attention. And I don't think it's because she looks more approachable - she's more of the introverted, "tough girl"-type. :stu

*Edit*: Tall, thin girls do tend to have nice legs though...maybe that was it lol.


----------



## calichick

mezzoforte said:


> My friend is about 5'10" and she always got a lot of attention when the two of us would hang out *queue me standing around awkwardly while she gets hit on* :blank. I thought it was just because she was prettier, but people ALWAYS say we look like sisters.


So true. Purely based on height, nothing else. My shorter friends actually flat out told me they refuse to go out with me anymore because all the men are checking me out.

That's why I tend to gravitate towards taller friends. They feel less intimidated.

We have to stick together...


----------



## Darktower776

Speaking of height, they say that if two guys walk into a room together most women will look at/notice the taller guy first. Might even find him more desirable depending on things of course.

Does something similar apply to tall women?


----------



## lisbeth

arnie said:


> I've noticed the tall girls on this forum complaining of guys hitting on/catcalling them more. Is this a trend? Do tall girls just get more attention because they are more noticeable?


I think so. In the same way, blondes get more attention because light catches the eye.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> When I'm with a male friend, nobody will talk to me because they'll assume I'm _with_ that male friend. When I'm with a friend of either gender, most of the time I'm going out specifically to spend time with that person, and they'd be pissed off if I turned my attention somewhere else.
> 
> When I'm on my own, idk if it's specifically anxious thoughts that are the problem... any interaction with a random male stranger doesn't usually last long enough for me to have time to get self-loathing. I'm not expecting it and I'm not used to it so it catches me off guard and I just get this deer-in-headlights look and start stuttering. I suddenly become a deathly-shy fifteen year old.
> 
> If I'm in a social space (esp with the help of alcohol) then I can talk to men just fine, but if I'm just going about my daily business then it's terrifying because I have no idea what's expected of me. Like, does he want to actually talk to me or is he just bored? What am I supposed to say? I'm really not convinced these people actually want to talk to me. If I try to turn it into a conversation when he only wanted to say a couple of words and go, then it's really awkward and I've totally misjudged and made a faux pas. When I lived in a student-heavy area I used to get male store assistants trying to talk to me when I went to the supermarket, and I'm absolutely certain they were just killing time on a boring shift. Or maybe my responses were so socially awkward and hideous that I completely put them off, idk, but I really don't think they wanted anything other than a minute's small-talk.
> 
> I repeatedly put my trust in the wrong people and ignore glaring warning signs staring me right in the face.


Obviously the social context is important (easier to mix and mingle at a party than sitting at a table in a restaurant with a friend) so let's set that aside. I think, in your current frame of mind, changing the context isn't necessarily going to help, though learning a few tricks for handling different kinds of approaches would probably be useful in the short term.

I think this all boils down to self-esteem. You seem to find it hard to believe that anyone would be interested in you for you. Why do you feel that way? Do you find yourself interesting? Why do you feel different when you're drinking? Are the responses you get from men better?

Why do you feel that your responses are sometimes "hideous"? What are you doing/saying? Why is it bad to make a social mistake? What will happen if you do? Do you judge others harshly if they make a social mistake?

What kinds of warning signs do you ignore? What sort of person is the "wrong" sort of person? Why do you think you ignore these warning signs?

Don't answer all that if you don't want to, just pick something to talk about.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> You're right Truant but mainly, there's just no hot guys around. Seriously, abandonment issues aside, I manhunt and it's slim pickins out there. I'm really reaching with how much I've debased my standards already. I'm thinking it's time to move to SoCal...


I said "subconscious" for a reason, Calichick. If no one's good enough to meet your standards, you won't get entangled by them, and they can't abandon you. It's a seamless strategy. Fault-finding is how you keep people out.

I'm the opposite. I find people's faults endearing. Which is why I'm going to give tbyrfan a big hug.


----------



## truant

tbyrfan said:


> Doesn't matter how confident you are if they don't find you attractive. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


 :squeeze


----------



## truant

Cenarius said:


> Despite what master-of-dating-calichick says, I don't think everyday activities are a good way to meet someone, cold approaches just don't happen in real life.


I must have imagined approaching all those women. I can confidently assert that those poor girls _wished_ cold approaches didn't happen.


----------



## seeking777

Persephone The Dread said:


> To be fair barely anyone posted advice/mentioned actively trying to get a guy before. Just occasional posts from a couple of users and a lot of cynicism, and then the thread disappeared until Calichick resurected it. I'm not sure many female posters are even looking for advice here.
> 
> With the odd exception here and there it seems like women on this forum fall into one of two categories: in a relationship or given up for the indefinate future/forever. Either because it's not a big deal or it seems hopeless.
> 
> Male posters on the other hand are much more vocal and there's quite a few proactive people. The difference in the two threads when I occasionally look and the attitudes is overwhelming overall.


I actually had never read this thread before and when I saw it a few weeks ago, I genuinely wanted to see what other girls were doing to meet guys for dates. I wanted to find ideas and advice as I haven't given up and lost hope of dating/getting a boyfriend. No offense to anyone, but it just is and continues to be an ongoing discussion/disagreement between calichick and various dudes who dislike her opinions. I wish more talk of how to actually get dates/a boyfriend were strewn throughout but they don't seem to be.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

seeking777 said:


> I actually had never read this thread before and when I saw it a few weeks ago, I genuinely wanted to see what other girls were doing to meet guys for dates. I wanted to find ideas and advice as I haven't given up and lost hope of dating/getting a boyfriend. No offense to anyone, but it just is and continues to be an ongoing discussion/disagreement between calichick and various dudes who dislike her opinions. I wish more talk of how to actually get dates/a boyfriend were strewn throughout but they don't seem to be.


Yeah, I get that. I'm not even looking/trying right now but it would be nice if this thread was... Different. I'm sure there are better places online to find help from other women, but not ones that are SA orientated unfortunately.


----------



## crimeclub

seeking777 said:


> I actually had never read this thread before and when I saw it a few weeks ago, I genuinely wanted to see what other girls were doing to meet guys for dates. I wanted to find ideas and advice as I haven't given up and lost hope of dating/getting a boyfriend. No offense to anyone, but it just is and continues to be an ongoing discussion/disagreement between calichick and various dudes who dislike her opinions. I wish more talk of how to actually get dates/a boyfriend were strewn throughout but they don't seem to be.


The last couple times I posted on this thread I started out agreeing with Cali and backing up her advice, but with her I'm damned if I agree and damned if I don't.


----------



## calichick

@Hadron92 I MISSED you babe, why the new account?


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> I said "subconscious" for a reason, Calichick. If no one's good enough to meet your standards, you won't get entangled by them, and they can't abandon you. It's a seamless strategy. Fault-finding is how you keep people out.
> 
> I'm the opposite. I find people's faults endearing. Which is why I'm going to give tbyrfan a big hug.


No, not at all. My standards in men are pretty basic. I literally have 4 criteria and even with that, most men don't meet it.

I can't even think about subconsciously screwing up a good thing when I don't even see them in a romantic light. That's why it's so easy for me to treat men as disposable objects of temporary affection.

I'm not getting the butterflies 



Hadron92 said:


> Just been busy in this war here.


Took me about 15 minutes to get that you're not speaking in metaphor and you're in Israel. :\


----------



## Waifu

I told you all what to do to get a guy pages ago all you have to do is act like you need him and make him help you and do manly things to help you.


----------



## tbyrfan

Waifu said:


> I told you all what to do to get a guy pages ago all you have to do is act like you need him and make him help you and do manly things to help you.


and show boobies


----------



## Waifu

tbyrfan said:


> and show boobies


No! Make him work for boobies. Cheap girls show boobies and guys don't date them they just "pump and dump" as they say.


----------



## tbyrfan

Waifu said:


> No! Make him work for boobies. Cheap girls show boobies and guys don't date them they just "pump and dump" as they say.


I was joking lol.


----------



## Waifu

tbyrfan said:


> I was joking lol.


A lot of girls aren't though they go have a lot of casual sex and let guys **** them because they think he'll fall in love and then he doesn't and they are sad and confused.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> No, not at all. My standards in men are pretty basic. I literally have 4 criteria and even with that, most men don't meet it.
> 
> I can't even think about subconsciously screwing up a good thing when I don't even see them in a romantic light. That's why it's so easy for me to treat men as disposable objects of temporary affection.
> 
> I'm not getting the butterflies


:|

That's my point. There's a second set of "standards" outside of your awareness.

You know how when you first move into a place you notice all the unusual noises, and then later you don't notice them anymore? The noises are still there, your brain just doesn't bother to notify you anymore because you've instructed it to ignore them.

You have a certain set of cues that let you know when to feel butterflies, and they probably correlate to cues that let you know when a man can be absolutely trusted not to abandon you. Those cues are outside of your awareness, like the familiar noises. I can't imagine what cues you would use to try to predict the future or read people's minds, but they're there. Those particular cues never appear on your list of standards. (Though you have made them somewhat more explicit in your desires right here on the forum.) When you meet a man, if he fails to provide you with those cues, your brain will rationalize your rejection of him by finding some way that he fails to meet your conscious standards (because that's what brains do).

All men start out as "background noise" to you, the noises you're familiar with, and you won't sit up and take notice until you meet a man who hits those unconscious abandonment cues, at which point you know to feel butterflies. It's the same way you sit up and take notice when you hear a new sound among all those familiar sounds. The brain takes care of everything outside of conscious awareness and only draws your attention to something when it meets certain conditions. That's when your unconscious cues come into contact with your conscious experience.

The way you approach men and manipulate them seems like an unconscious way to test their reliability. If they fail the test (ie. prove that they can be easily manipulated by a pretty girl) then you cross them off your list. In your mind, a man who can be easily manipulated can't be trusted not to abandon you for someone else. Now, because the issue of abandonment is so important for you, your tests are really challenging. I'm guessing that if you meet a man who passes the initial tests, you'll continue to subject them to sterner and sterner tests until they finally fail, at which point you lose interest.

I think what you're looking for is some kind of proof that what they're attracted to is something that only you can provide, your unique personhood. If they can only get "you" from you, and what they want is "you" above anything else, you can trust them not to abandon you. Your conscious standards are just the gatekeepers, keeping out the riffraff. Anyone who meets those standards is immediately subjected to your unconscious standards. But because your unconscious gatekeeping is happening outside of awareness, your conscious mind has no choice but to attribute your lack of attraction to a failure to meet one of your conscious standards.

Or something.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> :|
> 
> That's my point. There's a second set of "standards" outside of your awareness.


Truant you're a doll and everything but that sure was one long-winded explanation of the fact of the matter that I haven't found one f***able guy in 2 years.

This is purely physical based, nothing to do with manipulation or gauging their true intentions. Those tests are only relevant when I have something to work with. I am in a very inconvenient location in terms of dating (majority married couples, very few eligible single bachelors and before that I was living in a city which is notorious for its unsightly population). I'm a huge proponent of change location, change your outlook but unfortunately I am not able to make that transition right now.

I can only make this comparison again as I've had before. I see it as two different species. I view a lot of men as not of the same breed as me. I find them to be enduring emotionally, but a dog is not going to be attracted to a cat. It's somewhat of a sexual attraction issue, question of mental conditioning. Lets just say it's deeply embedded into my identity, who I associate with so it's not that simple.


----------



## calichick

P.S. You are speaking to a girl who is mixed (aesthetically more Mediterranean looking) and a large part of who I am and who people perceive me as comes from a unique classification. I have always been kind of that wildcard, seeking different groups, languages, nationalities to identify with and never really having a secure sense of "self".

But I am sure you are very well acquainted with this concept in light of the fact that you identify as transsexual.

You feel me on this one?










The topic of racial attraction is so amalgamated in my mind that it's a constant issue of self‐evaluation for me.

In more or less words, Brazil, here I come.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Truant you're a doll and everything but that sure was one long-winded explanation of the fact of the matter that I haven't found one f***able guy in 2 years...


:|

I'm not going to question your reasoning. I feel like I'm doing too much of that already.

<-- Door's always open if you want to talk/vent.



calichick said:


> ... a large part of who I am and who people perceive me as comes from a unique classification. I have always been kind of that wildcard, seeking different groups, languages, nationalities to identify with and never really having a secure sense of "self".
> 
> But I am sure you are very well acquainted with this concept in light of the fact that you identify as transsexual.
> 
> You feel me on this one?


All too well, Cali. All too well.


----------



## EmptyEyes

Summer time sucks because if I'm not in school then I'm meeting nobody. No friends, no potential lovers, nothing but the internet. :sigh I really wish I could meet a guy that I could be excited over, I feel you so much @calichick, I just want those giddy butterflies again.


----------



## donzen

EmptyEyes said:


> Summer time sucks because if I'm not in school then I'm meeting nobody. No friends, no potential lovers, nothing but the internet. :sigh I really wish I could meet a guy that I could be excited over, I feel you so much @calichick, I just want those giddy butterflies again.


FUN FACT: Some people get friends and potential lovers over the internet.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Calichick + EmptyEyes you can have my ridiculous crushing abilities, I don't need them/would be better off without them (mental age of 13 year old apparently.) Just know that they are ott for no good reason every time, no matter how long it lasts.


----------



## Kind Of

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah, I get that. I'm not even looking/trying right now but it would be nice if this thread was... Different. I'm sure there are better places online to find help from other women, but not ones that are SA orientated unfortunately.


For anyone who's seriously in need, I can PM a list of general or psychology-oriented forums where I've received good advice in the past. They might not be able to fix everything, but the forums are strict enough that support threads are always support.


----------



## EmptyEyes

donzen said:


> FUN FACT: Some people get friends and potential lovers over the internet.


Yeah, I just don't get that giddy, crush feeling talking to people online. Only in person, while admiring their smile or beautiful eyes studying me and hearing that deep voice.


----------



## Fruitcake

Well the man who has taught me that I probably am capable of love after all has informed me that he just wants to be friends, conversely to what he said last night. His reasons are like I couldn't quite follow but it's something to do with the ~12650.682 kilometres between us. :C So to see if he would reconsider I sent him ten or so emails mostly comprising of punctuation marks.
Any advice, either for getting overseas boys or getting over boys, would be welcomed. At the moment I think my most persuasive points - "owie " and "youre mean and im so sad" will just be weakened by further emails. So if I find myself wanting to talk to him I will do the second best thing and talk about him by updating this post with reasons he ****ing sucks and can go **** a suck.
1. He doesn't like cats.
2. He doesn't like kittens.
3. He's not responding to my messages.
4. He doesn't like bunny rabbits.
5. He doesn't like guinea pigs.
6. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. ini
7. He doesn't like ferrets.
8. He doesn't like umm kiwi.
9. He doesn't like birds' feets.
10. He doesn't like The National.
11. He has soft hair and I can't touch it.


----------



## probably offline

^

That's why I'll never fall for someone online again. You're all mushy and less bitter about life, and then all of a sudden you're just in your own puddle of tears, wondering what happend and why he's so ****ing ok with everything.

Try not to send so many pathetic emails. Delete everything that reminds you of him. That's the only advice I have.


----------



## EmptyEyes

I miss sleeping with a guy - and I actually mean sleeping. That's what I miss most, I want to cuddle up and feel his arms around and lay my head on his lap or chest and fall asleep. That's what I think about when I think about why I want to meet a boy.


----------



## calichick

I'm sorry Fruitcake  

One of my cousins just went through a similar long distance thing. She met an unbelievable man at an event, they had been texting since he lives cross country, but he wasn't being very responsive after awhile. She said if you want to make this work, I have to see that from you. I'm not going to chase you, I expect you to put some effort on your end and not take days to get back to me if you're serious about us.

He never responded after that.

I think if a man really liked a girl, he would find some way to be with her no matter the distance.

Also agree with probably offline, the more you send him smothering messages, the more you're just pushing him further away. Let him have his distance.

@EmptyEyes Agreed. I miss being intimate. I miss the warmth, the physical connection...Just makes a girl get all sappy for no reason...

Reminds me of that episode on Sex & the City when Carrie travels across the country to see Mr. Big for a few hours...

_l want to say, ''Could one of you lie on me?''
l need to feel the weight of a man.
Times like these l wish women could go to male prostitutes._


----------



## mezzoforte

calichick said:


> Also agree with probably offline, the more you send him smothering messages, the more you're just pushing him further away. Let him have his distance.


Yup.

Whether it's long distance or not, you deserve a guy who is crazy about you and willing to go the extra mile for you, @Fruitcake. Some people just aren't willing to do the distance. At least he's being upfront about it, instead of wasting your time, dating you for a month or two, and then saying he can't handle the distance.


----------



## Dre12

EmptyEyes said:


> Yeah, I just don't get that giddy, crush feeling talking to people online. Only in person, while admiring their smile or beautiful eyes studying me and hearing that deep voice.


Imbibing their pheromones. I am a poet - I know.


----------



## donzen

probably offline said:


> ^
> 
> That's why I'll never fall for someone online again. You're all mushy and less bitter about life, and then all of a sudden you're just in your own puddle of tears, wondering what happend and why he's so ****ing ok with everything.


I know how that feels.
I wasn't even looking for a relationship that time, it just suddenly happend.
Few months later she started to come less and less online and suddenly dissapeared leaving 1 message.


----------



## seeking777

Kind Of said:


> For anyone who's seriously in need, I can PM a list of general or psychology-oriented forums where I've received good advice in the past. They might not be able to fix everything, but the forums are strict enough that support threads are always support.


Yes, yes, please do. Can you please post those on here? I would def be interested in them.


----------



## Fruitcake

probably offline said:


> ^
> 
> That's why I'll never fall for someone online again. You're all mushy and less bitter about life, and then all of a sudden you're just in your own puddle of tears, wondering what happend and why he's so ****ing ok with everything.
> 
> Try not to send so many pathetic emails. Delete everything that reminds you of him. That's the only advice I have.





calichick said:


> I'm sorry Fruitcake
> 
> One of my cousins just went through a similar long distance thing. She met an unbelievable man at an event, they had been texting since he lives cross country, but he wasn't being very responsive after awhile. She said if you want to make this work, I have to see that from you. I'm not going to chase you, I expect you to put some effort on your end and not take days to get back to me if you're serious about us.
> 
> He never responded after that.
> 
> I think if a man really liked a girl, he would find some way to be with her no matter the distance.
> 
> Also agree with probably offline, the more you send him smothering messages, the more you're just pushing him further away. Let him have his distance.





mezzoforte said:


> Yup.
> 
> Whether it's long distance or not, you deserve a guy who is crazy about you and willing to go the extra mile for you, @Fruitcake. Some people just aren't willing to do the distance. At least he's being upfront about it, instead of wasting your time, dating you for a month or two, and then saying he can't handle the distance.


I don't know... I don't feel it's as simple as him just not thinking I'm worth it. He is literally crazy about me, he's been very unwell recently because of not being able to be with me or act on his feelings, and he'd have intense emotional issues in terms of it possibly not working out and having to be away from me for so long if we were together. I think he would become unstable and be risking his life if we had a long distance relationship. And if one of us were to move to the other's country, the waiting, uncertainty and life changes would mess with him too much. That would mean risking hurting me, too.

I haven't really been thinking about it from his perspective because I've been too upset, but I don't think I will try to be with him anymore. I don't really understand how he intends to just stop feeling this way, though.

@mezzoforte you are right, he is upfront and respectful and it could be a ****load worse than this. I am lucky that I still get to have him in my life, too. I'll just have to save up so that in the event that he gets a girlfriend, I can fly to Arkansas and eliminate her.

@probably offline I have stopped sending him messages so far... I'm still tempted to but I'm trying. x_x I won't cut contact with him because he's my best friend. I think that a lot of guys try to seem like they're ok when they aren't, but yeah some people just do somehow move on and seem unphased. I can't comprehend that and it makes me feel insecure; that's why I paint all of my exes self-portraits of me sobbing into tubs of icecream, so they know they are worth some anguish.

I am going to try to be single for a while. I haven't been single longer than three months since I started dating and it felt good to be single until this happened. I have soft toys and a cat to cuddle anyway.

Thank you for the responses. ^^


----------



## calichick

Inspiration ♡

































































__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content


----------



## TicklemeRingo

calichick said:


> Inspiration ♡


^Those first three or four are utterly insane.

Number 3, with it's endorsement of domestic violence against men, is particularly contemptible.

The rest is vomit-worthy but not quite as bad at the first half. Taken as a whole, the list sexist and idiotic.

My advice for anyone, female or male, looking to find a partner is to first discard any sexist beliefs/expectations they may have (like the ones in that list), then try and form relationships based on mutual respect and individual responsibility.


----------



## calichick

TicklemeRingo said:


> ^Those first three or four are utterly insane.
> 
> Number 3, with it's endorsement of domestic violence against men, is particularly contemptible.
> 
> The rest is vomit-worthy but not quite as bad at the first half. Taken as a whole, the list sexist and idiotic.
> 
> My advice for anyone, female or male, looking to find a partner is to first discard any sexist beliefs they may have (like the ones in that list), then try and form relationships based on mutual respect.


You not liking the girly thread TMR?

Is too sappy chick flick reminiscent for you?

Cuddling gif's don't make your blood pulsate a little faster?

Too bad.

Go vomit on the sex for pay threads, this is female territory.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

No, I'll post where I like, thanks.

If you have a problem with something I say, report it. Until then I'll continue to criticise sexism where I see it.


----------



## calichick

You are inducted into the honorary league of females.

Congrats.

A few rules

1) We make men work for it
2) No white during that time of the month
3) Absolutely no double dipping
And
4) Using cuddling as a means to postpone sex

You got any problems, we don't care.

We pretend to, but we really don't.


----------



## Alas Babylon

TicklemeRingo said:


> ^Those first three or four are utterly insane.
> 
> Number 3, with it's endorsement of domestic violence against men, is particularly contemptible.
> 
> The rest is vomit-worthy but not quite as bad at the first half. Taken as a whole, the list sexist and idiotic.
> 
> My advice for anyone, female or male, looking to find a partner is to first discard any sexist beliefs/expectations they may have (like the ones in that list), then try and form relationships based on mutual respect and individual responsibility.


I'd agree, the list seems fairly delusional.

I really don't think many guys give a rat's *** about being 'a man' by those standards. Number 3 is just BS, as far as I'm concerned.

Although, that might just be proving cali's earlier rant that most men, according to her, are too uninteresting and bland to Roger her Hammerstein.

Fair enough, she can say what she likes and not be surprised at the response hopefully :lol


----------



## knightofdespair

Is this about how to get a guy or how to make them run away screaming, geez.. Guess it is an eye opener to see how the perfect man is both a stuffed animal and a zombie. Guess us tall white guys with straight teeth, college degrees, and some self respect should just give up and accept our fate.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Inspiration ♡


This explains why I can't get a man. I do all of these things. My man brain must be repelling them. :|


----------



## TicklemeRingo

truant said:


> This explains why I can't get a man. I do all of these things. My man brain must be repelling them. :|


Try the advice in 1,2 and 3:

If they try to leave, stalk them until they either give in and take you back or get a restraining order.

Keep calling them after they have chosen to stop talking.

Do not, repeat not, respect their word or their boundaries.

If all else fails, become a punching bag for them.


----------



## EmptyEyes

It's about time I start getting into my "where the boys at" mode as college is starting once again. Despite recent strides in my anxiety, I'm still socially clueless and college dating confuses the hell out of me. I don't really want to go to parties anymore and I don't want to meet guys drunk anymore, but I have no idea how to meet and talk to guys anywhere else.

The idea of meeting guys through friends is also really scary to me, especially since I'm the new friend in all my [two] social circles now, so if **** goes wrong with a guy guess which one of us is losing the friends. I'm just not even sure how to go about getting a guy to think of me in a romantic/dating way.


----------



## truant

TicklemeRingo said:


> Try the advice in 1,2 and 3:
> 
> If they try to leave, stalk them until they either give in and take you back or get a restraining order.
> 
> Keep calling them after they have chosen to stop talking.
> 
> Do not, repeat not, respect their word or their boundaries.
> 
> If all else fails, become a punching bag for them.


I've been in a real abusive relationship with a woman. I know the difference between hostility and insecurity.

But I appreciate what you're saying, TMR. Don't ever change. :heart


----------



## Waifu

calichick said:


> Inspiration ♡


I love all of this. Makes me want to go bump my gentleman thread.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

EmptyEyes said:


> It's about time I start getting into my "where the boys at" mode as college is starting once again. Despite recent strides in my anxiety, I'm still socially clueless and college dating confuses the hell out of me. I don't really want to go to parties anymore and I don't want to meet guys drunk anymore, but I have no idea how to meet and talk to guys anywhere else.
> 
> The idea of meeting guys through friends is also really scary to me, especially since I'm the new friend in all my [two] social circles now, so if **** goes wrong with a guy guess which one of us is losing the friends. I'm just not even sure how to go about getting a guy to think of me in a romantic/dating way.


I don't know what they call them in the US, but go to like societies then you'll know you have something in common.

Try to avoid dating guys in your immediate social circle, didn't work out too well for me.

Ah, it's so easy to meet guys at uni. Take advantage of it while you can.


----------



## EmptyEyes

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't know what they call them in the US, but go to like societies then you'll know you have something in common.


I think we call them societies too, or clubs sometimes. I'm not sure if there's a difference :con I hate being the new member to things though. Intruding on an already established group just sets my anxiety off so much and I never truly feel like I'm part of the group.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

EmptyEyes said:


> I think we call them societies too, or clubs sometimes. I'm not sure if there's a difference :con *I hate being the new member to things though. Intruding on an already established group just sets my anxiety off so much and I never truly feel like I'm part of the group.*


yes! I have/had that problem too, and it put me off going to things a lot at uni which I later regretted. It's a really great way to meet people, trust me. I know a lot of people who formed relationships that way if they weren't the really extroverted/clubbing sort of person (because that is another way some people I've known found relationships - at parties, but it's not for everyone.)

If nothing else is working out, it might be worth trying though if there are any for something you're interested in.


----------



## CinnamonDelight

mezzoforte said:


> Yup.
> 
> Whether it's long distance or not, you deserve a guy who is crazy about you and willing to go the extra mile for you, @*Fruitcake*. Some people just aren't willing to do the distance. At least he's being upfront about it, instead of wasting your time, dating you for a month or two, and then saying he can't handle the distance.


YES! I want a guy like that.


----------



## CinnamonDelight

Waifu said:


> A lot of girls aren't though they go have a lot of casual sex and let guys **** them because they think he'll fall in love and then he doesn't and they are sad and confused.


How long should you wait before you have sex with a guy?


----------



## Waifu

CinnamonDelight said:


> How long should you wait before you have sex with a guy?


Until you're officially dating and in love and know each others friends and family so like a few months maybe a year at least that's my opinion.


----------



## mezzoforte

CinnamonDelight said:


> How long should you wait before you have sex with a guy?


If you're after something serious, wait until you and the guy have established that you're dating exclusively. I'd say kissing/making out is okay before then, and maybe oral, depending on the situation and how you feel about it. To me, trust is important for sex.

(This is just my opinion and the personal rules I go by. You should do what you're comfortable with and what makes sense to you.)

If you're looking for something more casual, I'd say it's up to you. Whenever you feel really comfortable around him and you feel ready.

Try to be firm about what you want. Let the guy know what you're after and find out what he wants. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything. If a guy won't wait until you're ready, then he's not for you, and he's probably not that interested anyway.


----------



## Amorphousanomaly

The best guys I've dated, including my mate, I met at work. Pick up artists are creeps and I've had especially bad experiences with internet people. In a structured environment you can get to know a person before deciding if you're interested. Maybe a club/group for mutual interests would be good too.


----------



## Fruitcake

The guy I like turned out to not be not interested in a relationship. But we decided to stop flirting for a while and just be friends. But then I got drunk and had the genius idea of seducing him by telling him I wanted to peg him. I didn't get a very good reaction and I don't recommend it as a method of acquiring boys.


----------



## truant

Fruitcake said:


> The guy I like turned out to not be not interested in a relationship. But we decided to stop flirting for a while and just be friends. But then I got drunk and had the genius idea of seducing him by telling him I wanted to peg him. I didn't get a very good reaction and I don't recommend it as a method of acquiring boys.


:lol


----------



## CinnamonDelight

mezzoforte said:


> If you're after something serious, wait until you and the guy have established that you're dating exclusively. I'd say kissing/making out is okay before then, and maybe oral, depending on the situation and how you feel about it. To me, trust is important for sex.
> 
> (This is just my opinion and the personal rules I go by. You should do what you're comfortable with and what makes sense to you.)
> 
> If you're looking for something more casual, I'd say it's up to you. Whenever you feel really comfortable around him and you feel ready.
> 
> Try to be firm about what you want. Let the guy know what you're after and find out what he wants. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything. If a guy won't wait until you're ready, then he's not for you, and he's probably not that interested anyway.


How do you know you are deting exclusively? Is that when you are in a relationship or can it be before the beginning of the relationship?


----------



## mezzoforte

CinnamonDelight said:


> How do you know you are deting exclusively? Is that when you are in a relationship or can it be before the beginning of the relationship?


Yeah, I meant when you're in a relationship. Whenever he considers you his girlfriend. That way it's easier for you to avoid him sleeping with you and then moving onto the next one lol. It doesn't guarantee 100% that it won't happen, but I think it helps definitely. I don't think most guys who are just after sex will agree to commit. They'll try to get you to put out while you're both still technically single.

There's nothing wrong with having sex before you're in a relationship, especially if you and the guy just want to have fun. Maybe you guys are having sex and going on a few casual dates, while you're both flirting with or going on dates with other people on the side. I just think my rule is good if you're looking for something serious and you want to avoid being taken advantage of.


----------



## CinnamonDelight

mezzoforte said:


> Yeah, I meant when you're in a relationship. Whenever he considers you his girlfriend. That way it's easier for you to avoid him sleeping with you and then moving onto the next one lol. It doesn't guarantee 100% that it won't happen, but I think it helps definitely. I don't think most guys who are just after sex will agree to commit. They'll try to get you to put out while you're both still technically single.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with having sex before you're in a relationship, especially if you and the guy just want to have fun. Maybe you guys are having sex and going on a few casual dates, while you're both flirting with or going on dates with other people on the side. I just think my rule is good if you're looking for something serious and you want to avoid being taken advantage of.


I really DO want something serious. I dated a guy for five months and slept with him after about 1,5 month. We were exclusive but we were not in a relationship because he was not ready for one. I always thought 1,5 month is quite the normal time to wait, but I guess next time I should wait longer...


----------



## mezzoforte

CinnamonDelight said:


> I really DO want something serious. I dated a guy for five months and slept with him after about 1,5 month. We were exclusive but we were not in a relationship because he was not ready for one. I always thought 1,5 month is quite the normal time to wait, but I guess next time I should wait longer...


1.5 months doesn't seem that early, depends on the situation though probably. The fact that he wasn't ready for a relationship, yet you wanted something serious was probably the real problem. Make sure the next guy wants the same thing you do.


----------



## EmptyEyes

CinnamonDelight said:


> I really DO want something serious. I dated a guy for five months and slept with him after about 1,5 month. We were exclusive but we were not in a relationship because he was not ready for one. I always thought 1,5 month is quite the normal time to wait, but I guess next time I should wait longer...


Uhhhh

I wouldn't listen to waifu and I wouldn't set an actual time limit if I were you. I think you need to decide what you actually want and would be comfortable with regarding sex. If you are not ok with having a casual non-relationship and only want to sleep with a guy who's serious, then don't have sex until he's serious. I know it's tempting to think that if you start sleeping with him then he'll get serious, but in my experience it doesn't work that way for guys. If, on the other hand, you are ok with that and won't feel bad if your relationship turns out to not get serious and just ends at some point, then have sex whenever you feel comfortable doing so.

Like, in the example you gave, if at 1.5 months into dating a guy he said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, if that's what I wanted then I would have dumped him right there rather than had sex with him, because he's not going to become ready.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Fruitcake said:


> The guy I like turned out to not be not interested in a relationship. But we decided to stop flirting for a while and just be friends. But then I got drunk and had the genius idea of seducing him by telling him I wanted to peg him. I didn't get a very good reaction and I don't recommend it as a method of acquiring boys.


hahahahaha <3 oh my god.


----------



## CinnamonDelight

EmptyEyes said:


> Uhhhh
> 
> I wouldn't listen to waifu and I wouldn't set an actual time limit if I were you. I think you need to decide what you actually want and would be comfortable with regarding sex. If you are not ok with having a casual non-relationship and only want to sleep with a guy who's serious, then don't have sex until he's serious. I know it's tempting to think that if you start sleeping with him then he'll get serious, but in my experience it doesn't work that way for guys. If, on the other hand, you are ok with that and won't feel bad if your relationship turns out to not get serious and just ends at some point, then have sex whenever you feel comfortable doing so.
> 
> Like, in the example you gave, if at 1.5 months into dating a guy he said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, if that's what I wanted then I would have dumped him right there rather than had sex with him, because he's not going to become ready.


 You are right, next time I'm going to do that!


----------



## calichick

I am in *heaven*.

Outdoorsy men are SO f***ing fine girls. Was in Tahoe for the Labor Day weekend and I'm feeling so re-energized and ready to jump on the horse again.

Their scruffy faces, strong calves, muscular build, golden hued skin from hiking in the sun all day, no frills athletic casual attire. A man who knows how to work with his hands and lead the way with all that endurance and stamina. Unbelievably sexy.

I am in love. I'm seriously considering joining an outdoors' group to get in the inside circle.

@Waifu - LOL 1 year before they can enter the holy chambers. If only I had that self-control over myself. My personal period is ~1.5 months. Even with that, I want to claw him down.


----------



## veron

^Good on ya Cali, go get them outdoorsy boys 

A little update on my situation. These days I've been interacting with my crush at work a bit more than usual (due to us having to work together on something). I think he finds me attractive, but I don't know if he would be interested in something serious with me or not. When he first sees me in the morning, he usually gives me the head-to-toe scan, lol. He frequently smiles when we talk, for seemingly no reason. And when we chat online (work purposes) all his lines to me end in either  or . I guess there's not much for me to do other than wait and see where this will go...

I also found out today that my ex's grandfather died. I wanted to call him to express my condolences and generally see how he's been doing. But on second thought, I didn't, because I didn't want to open a can of worms. We didn't talk at all since we broke up a few months ago. I know it's probably been harder on him than it is on me, and if he's going through the getting-over-me phase, I wouldn't want to disturb that. But I miss talking to him and wish we could have stayed friends.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> ^Good on ya Cali, go get them outdoorsy boys
> 
> A little update on my situation. These days I've been interacting with my crush at work a bit more than usual (due to us having to work together on something). I think he finds me attractive, but I don't know if he would be interested in something serious with me or not. When he first sees me in the morning, he usually gives me the head-to-toe scan, lol. He frequently smiles when we talk, for seemingly no reason. And when we chat online (work purposes) all his lines to me end in either  or . I guess there's not much for me to do other than wait and see where this will go....


You got yourself a sub man there V, hopefully you are flirting back with him and since it's on IM, it should be that much easier (I miss work convos bordering on flirtatious  I had a guy ask me out to drinks over Skype, makes the work day so much more interesting).

Make sure that you're giving him the green light. Sub men are very passive aggressive. In the past, I've practically had to force these meek and mild guys out of their comfort zone with ever so indiscreet advances.

But once you get them where you want them, it's totally worth it.

Sub men are so fun, I am envious of you.


----------



## probably offline

Fruitcake said:


> The guy I like turned out to not be not interested in a relationship. But we decided to stop flirting for a while and just be friends. *But then I got drunk and had the genius idea of seducing him by telling him I wanted to peg him. I didn't get a very good reaction and I don't recommend it as a method of acquiring boys.*


;(


----------



## therealbleach

calichick said:


> You got yourself a sub man there V, hopefully you are flirting back with him and since it's on IM, it should be that much easier (I miss work convos bordering on flirtatious  I had a guy ask me out to drinks over Skype, makes the work day so much more interesting).
> 
> Make sure that you're giving him the green light. Sub men are very passive aggressive. In the past, I've practically had to force these meek and mild guys out of their comfort zone with ever so indiscreet advances.
> 
> But once you get them where you want them, it's totally worth it.
> 
> Sub men are so fun, I am envious of you.


 wtf? Sub man?


----------



## calichick

therealbleach said:


> wtf? Sub man?


Submissive, as in wet behind the ears.

For the women, if you want to know which type of man you're dealing with because not all relationships are the same and a man who acts dominant with one woman may cower back in fear with you, take one step too close into his personal space when you are eye to eye with him.

A submissive man will shrink back because he occupies a smaller personal space and will feel threatened when you encroach upon that whereas his dominant male counterpart will hold his ground. Same thing with touch. That is why it's easier for them to communicate and flirt with you via non-verbal modes, it puts a greater gap between the intimidation distance.

You need to tread lightly with sub men, they are very feeble-minded and prone to indecisiveness.


----------



## therealbleach

what is supposed to be good about that? Are you trolling?


----------



## calichick

therealbleach said:


> what is supposed to be good about that? Are you trolling?


No, I just really like submissive men.

I go weak in the knees for a guy who isn't overbearing, caters to my needs, etc

I think that they are the most considerate and gentle of all personality types. It's my thing.

You'll understand relationship compatibility when you get older, son.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> No, I just really like submissive men.
> 
> I go weak in the knees for a guy who isn't overbearing, caters to my needs, etc
> 
> I think that they are the most considerate and gentle of all personality types. It's my thing.
> 
> You'll understand relationship compatibility when you get older, son.


As you alluded to a couple posts ago, once they deal with that crap a few years they become hardened and quit acting like that as well. If you want it to stay like that you would have to be just as accommodating.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> As you alluded to a couple posts ago, once they deal with that crap a few years they become hardened and quit acting like that as well. If you want it to stay like that you would have to be just as accommodating.


I never said that.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I never said that.


The hell you didn't, the last 20 pages can be paraphrased by the desire for a rich, in shape door mat that will be too dumb to know he's being used and put up with being dominated for the entire length of the relationship or its over.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> The hell you didn't, the last 20 pages can be paraphrased by the desire for a rich, in shape door mat that will be too dumb to know *he's being used and put up with being dominated* for the entire length of the relationship or its over.


I'm actually not that heartless but sorry if you got the wrong impression from this thread.

I'm very nurturing and attune to my man's needs at any cost. I cook, I clean, I like sex maybe moreso than the average woman.

I can make a man feel like he is a king and I don't even expect much in return save his love, respect and devotion.

Domination is not about being a ruthless tyrant over everything he does and making all of his decisions for him. It is about having a stronghold over his emotions and his affections. It's hard to explain the purposes of it but it fits uniquely with my personality.


----------



## therealbleach

calichick said:


> No, I just really like submissive men.
> 
> I go weak in the knees for a guy who isn't overbearing, caters to my needs, etc
> 
> I think that they are the most considerate and gentle of all personality types. It's my thing.
> 
> You'll understand relationship compatibility when you get older, son.


son? are you making an effort to be obnoxious?


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I'm actually not that heartless but sorry if you got the wrong impression from this thread.
> 
> I'm very nurturing and attune to my man's needs at any cost. I cook, I clean, I like sex maybe moreso than the average woman.
> 
> I can make a man feel like he is a king and I don't even expect much in return save his love, respect and devotion.
> 
> Domination is not about being a ruthless tyrant over everything he does and making all of his decisions for him. It is about having a stronghold over his emotions and his affections. It's hard to explain the purposes of it but it fits uniquely with my personality.


Well that is a bit different then, but there still has to be some give and take, and a healthy dynamic for it to really go anywhere or else there is a point he will just bail. I think a lot of guys if not all of them start out that way, and end up at some point giving up on helping or being nice because of mistreatment and lack of appreciation. Nobody wants to be a doormat.


----------



## probably offline

^
She never said she wanted a doormat. Geez. And did you not read all the things she is willing to do for the _man_? How is that not give and take? The submissiveness she's talking about, trolling or not, is on an emotional level. She's not asking for a butler.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> You know what's an even more scary thought though?
> 
> I don't know if any of you have distinct gender genetic lines in your family, but all of the women in my family end up taking more after the father and the sons take more after the mother. I'm just thankful that my dad was good-looking and my mom had some common decency.
> 
> It scares me though that if I ever have a daughter, she may look nothing like me which means I have to find a guy who's _even_ hotter than me. This is not an easy task.
> 
> :afr


----------



## gunner21

Persephone The Dread said:


>


Ikr...and here I thought I cared too much about looks.


----------



## Cenarius

That is a seriously crazy motivation, but at least I agree that you should get someone hotter.


----------



## calichick

Friend zone guy from several pages back officially asked me out today.  !!!!!

Hot damn, some men take ages to act on something.

I'm honestly considering going out just to go out. I really do want to talk with him and catch up for old times' sake, but it would be purely for a friendship connection.

I wish I was attracted to him but I'm just craving an emotional connection from being in isolation for months.

That, and I miss male affection. I was in a conservative environment for a few years where freedom of expression came to die, and guys were very intimidated to approach me, I was stifled and became somewhat of an extrovert with so much empowerment from that fact, but also dropped 10 pounds, was extremely depressed from not being able to form a solid bond with any of them.

I'm deprived. I don't want to reject the dude but I want a free meal. :lol

The opportunistic side of me wants to wear this new ultra sexy dress I've bought to meet up with him and find myself a man more along my lines. Would that be terrible? He'd be a wingman and he wouldn't even know it. lol.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Friend zone guy from several pages back officially asked me out today.
> 
> Hot damn, some men take ages to act on something.
> 
> I'm honestly considering going out just to go out. I really do want to talk with him and catch up for old times sake, but it would be purely for a friendship connection.
> 
> I wish I was attracted to him but I'm just craving an emotional connection from being in isolation for months.
> 
> That, and I miss male affection. I was in a conservative environment for a few years where freedom of expression came to die, and guys were very intimidated to approach me, I was stifled and became somewhat of an extrovert with so much empowerment from that fact, but also dropped 10 pounds, was extremely depressed from not being able to form a solid bond with any of them.
> 
> I'm deprived. I don't want to reject the dude but I want a free meal. :lol
> 
> The opportunistic side of me wants to wear this new ultra sexy dress I've bought to meet up with him and find myself a man more along my line. Would that be terrible? He'd be a wingman and he wouldn't even know it. lol


:blank

You get that asking a girl out is hard for most guys, not just guys with SA? Evidenced by the fact that he took a while to finally ask you out. A motivation I now understand less than ever after this post of yours. This is a great example of why dating is so terrible. Congrats.


----------



## minimized

crimeclub said:


> :blank
> 
> You get that asking a girl out is hard for most guys, not just guys with SA? Evidenced by the fact that he took a while to finally ask you out. A motivation I now understand less than ever after this post of yours. This is a great example of why dating is so terrible. Congrats.


IKR and they ask why chivalry is dead.

Hope that guy splits the bill.


----------



## crimeclub

minimized said:


> IKR and they ask why chivalry is dead.
> 
> Hope that guy splits the bill.


Well what goes around comes around, he's probably just trying to hit it and quit it. What a charmed life.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> :blank
> 
> You get that asking a girl out is hard for most guys, not just guys with SA? Evidenced by the fact that he took a while to finally ask you out. A motivation I now understand less than ever after this post of yours. This is a great example of why dating is so terrible. Congrats.


He did it via text.

He's talking naturally with me, as if all those times we were alone and he had an opportunity to hit on me, he could've done it straight to my face.

There's 30 miles between us, and he's just created a safety blanket.

We'd both be getting something out of this. Companionship from the opposite sex. I don't think you realize just how deprived I am.


----------



## AussiePea

What's the harm in being up front with him and making it clear you see nothing more than a friendship with him but would appreciate the company and an evening out? Why the unnecessary game playing which is guaranteed to only make him feel worse in the near future?


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Well what goes around comes around, he's probably just trying to hit it and quit it. What a charmed life.


Contradictory much?

"He's taken this long to muster up the courage to ask you out"

"He's probably just trying to hit it and quit it"

You're talking to the man whisperer here CrimeClub. He's not a hit it and quit it guy. He's a....brace yourselves now, nice guy. Just not my type physically.



minimized said:


> IKR and they ask why chivalry is dead.
> 
> Hope that guy splits the bill.


Nah, he's making a ton of dough. Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore. I estimate $80k, late 20s. A $15 meal won't hurt him. I eat like a bird. Literally.

I really just want a reason to wear my dress out though. Regular $350, got it half off. If anything, give him something to look at for the night.


----------



## diamondheart89

Oh, calichick.


----------



## Hikikomori2014

*this thread is hilarious.*


----------



## Cenarius

I hope you're planning on letting him pound you so it's not a totally one sided waste.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> He did it via text.
> 
> He's talking naturally with me, as if all those times we were alone and he had an opportunity to hit on me, he could've done it straight to my face.
> 
> There's 30 miles between us, and he's just created a safety blanket.
> 
> We'd both be getting something out of this. Companionship from the opposite sex. I don't think you realize just how deprived I am.


Well this is an interesting new spin on the situation, great save!

Anyway, go easy on him, retrieve past memories of being used, then look up the word "empathy", then apply said word with how you treat this guy. After doing so there's going to be a little spark of a possibly foreign feeling, don't reject it...

it's called...."being nice".


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> What's the harm in being up front with him and making it clear you see nothing more than a friendship with him but would appreciate the company and an evening out? Why the unnecessary game playing which is guaranteed to only make him feel worse in the near future?


Men don't ask girls out just to be their friends.

Lesson #1 .

Waste of time.



Cenarius said:


> I hope you're planning on letting him pound you so it's not a totally one sided waste.


From his body size, the only thing that will be pounding, is my heart after a few drinks.

Dude. He's small.



crimeclub said:


> it's called...."being nice".


I am plenty nice. Just because I'm not nice to you doesn't mean I'm like that with every man. rofl


----------



## crimeclub

Your treatment of me factored into zero of what I said. Anyway that should about do it, cheers little miss cali-pants.


----------



## calichick

extremly said:


> Bang bang bang, skeet-skeet-skeet. she did that thing for 3 retweets :lol


I'm not having sex with him.

I'm so torn what to do here...he actually really made my day that much brighter despite how sh*tty it was. It's nice knowing you have someone that cares about you in the world, even if they did take 3 years to come out of the woodwork.

I just wish that the man in question was one of the other guys who I know had a thing for me and who I was equally attracted to. Ugh. Head problems.

Why's it always the ones we care about the least who are the first to say it.

:sigh. Bittersweet.


----------



## calichick

Rant. This doesn't necessarily relate but since I'm pretty much dominating it here, I need to record this down for the sake of looking back at it a few years down the line and seeing what I've been through.

I am f***ing dying. I'm *dying*. I'm in a job where all of my male coworkers are gay. All of them. Absolutely f***ing horrid, I have never been in this vacuum of an environment before where there's not one straight guy to look at me, to flirt with me, to feed me attention. They don't even acknowledge my presence. What the good God? They're the flamboyant gays, they stick to themselves, they don't care about even interacting with females when they pass them in the halls. WHY???? What is this? I never knew it could be so segregated in the workplaces which has predominately gay men and straight women.

I feel invisible, like I don't exist, like there's nothing to look forward to each day. This is how it feels like to be unattractive in this world. I feel like all of them are just looking to get laid at the end of the day and they are the most masterful pick-up artists I have ever met. They don't hold anything back whatsoever just from having to witness these encounters day by day.

Guys, girls, I have so much appreciation for you who don't (or can't) use your looks to catch people's attention. I've only been in it for a few weeks and already, I'm having thoughts about ending it all. It makes me appreciate the straight man a MILLION times over.

I can't even express how much...FML.

Oh my lord, I will never complain again about my situation nor being hit on by undesirable men.

Briefing:

+Agreed to go out with friend zone guy. He's getting a bit too flirtatious and evidently forward through his texts though which scares me that he actually thinks I would consider him for a romantic relationship. I was literally thinking to myself how lucky he is that he's caught me in this weak point of my life where I'd say yes to any guy who asked me out because I'm so depressed.

+Reached out to another friend zone guy to hang out together, because of how miserable I am, the one who asked me to drinks over Skype few months ago who I ignored ever since. Pure platonic connection.

Considering going to bar by myself just to hook up with a guy. I am so deprived and depressed of this s***

TL;DR pouring my heart out here....there is a chance I rely too much on men to validate my worth. Slight chance. Need to work on that.

*daddy issues*. I'm feeling physically sick


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Welcome to the club Calichick. *gives an evil laugh* Luckily for you I suppose this is temporary, so you won't have to cultivate a personality or any of that ridiculous nonsense.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> I have never been in this vacuum of an environment before where there's not one straight guy to look at me, to flirt with me, to feed me attention. They don't even acknowledge my presence


You've done an excellent job describing my life. Difference being, I can't quit my job. I'd be experiencing schadenfreude right now but it hits a little too close to home.


----------



## lisbeth

One of these man-creatures smiled at me about five times today and spontaneously came all the way upstairs to bring me a cup of tea. I am well in there.

No. I am a craven dweeb. In six weeks of working in the same premises and seeing him most days, I haven't had a single conversation with him because I am just too chicken****. Help I have forgotten how to talk to boys. I am like a fourteen year old schoolgirl with a crush, staring and fiddling with her hair and trying not to doodle over the more important invoices. Dude has eyes like ****in' cornflowers.










One time when he did try to speak to me, I got so flustered I screwed up what I was photocopying.

I'm not really fussed about this situation in particular, it's whatever. It's just an example of what a massive dork I am. I'm not bothered so much about this particular boy as I am by my reaction to him. I get all stuttery and shaky-handed and clumsy and then turn tail and leave the room. The point is that somewhere along the line, my SA progress faltered, I backslid, and attractive men in their early 20s once again began to scare the absolute bejesus out of me. I don't understand what happened.

Eight months ago, I made a guy not dissimilar to this one walk 30 minutes in the rain back to his house to get my phone, when I hadn't even left it there and it was in my handbag the whole time. And now, eight months on, I start having horrified heart palpitations at the thought of stringing any more words in a row than "hi ____!!", "thank you" or "see you Monday~" and having a boy hear them. Help.


----------



## Hikikomori2014

*@calichick, I am sure there are a lot of str8 guys in California on this forum.
Why don't you organize a thread about a meet-up or a Wednesday evening happy-hour event or something? It would be beneficial for all involved.

Just a thought*


----------



## gunner21

Hikikomori2014 said:


> *@calichick, I am sure there are a lot of str8 guys in California on this forum.
> Why don't you organize a thread about a meet-up or a Wednesday evening happy-hour event or something? It would be beneficial for all involved.
> 
> Just a thought*


Haha! You don't know calichick. She'd never go for this.

Calichick reminds me of this girl I used to talk to. Very obnoxious, self-centered and shallow. Of course it took me a while to realize that. I once asked her to get out, but never could due to some reasons. Later on she revealed she only said yes to get a free meal. I haven't talked to her since.


----------



## Hikikomori2014

From just the comments in this thread, I think I have a relatively good understanding of her. I know her type 

I love her spunk



gunner21 said:


> Haha! You don't know calichick. She'd never go for this.
> 
> Calichick reminds me of this girl I used to talk to. Very obnoxious, self-centered and shallow. Of course it took me a while to realize that. I once asked her to get out, but never could due to some reasons. Later on she revealed she only said yes to get a free meal. I haven't talked to her since.


----------



## Rixy

lisbeth said:


> Eight months ago, I made a guy not dissimilar to this one walk 30 minutes in the rain back to his house to get my phone, when I hadn't even left it there and it was in my handbag the whole time.


That...sounds..mean...or am I reading this wrong?


----------



## anyoldkindofday

Calichick, don't you have a lunchbreak or something to get out of your workbuilding and go to wherever it is that all the straight guys gather to get lunch?


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> One of these man-creatures smiled at me about five times today and spontaneously came all the way upstairs to bring me a cup of tea. I am well in there.





lisbeth said:


> Eight months ago, I made a guy not dissimilar to this one walk 30 minutes in the rain back to his house to get my phone, when I hadn't even left it there and it was in my handbag the whole time.


I know this is off topic, but holy crap...guys treat attractive women so differently it's frightening. It's like borderline worship. :um


----------



## Persephone The Dread

tbyrfan said:


> I know this is off topic, but holy crap...guys treat attractive women so differently it's frightening. It's like borderline worship. :um


The former is quite common in offices in the UK. Well not out of the blue maybe, but offering to make coworkers tea/coffee, if they're getting tea/coffee themselves.

Actually though, going up stairs to do it... Yeah I'd say he's definitely interested in a more than friendly coworkerly way lol.


----------



## AussiePea

tbyrfan said:


> I know this is off topic, but holy crap...guys treat woman they find attractive so differently it's frightening. It's like borderline worship. :um


FTFY


----------



## Cenarius

lisbeth said:


> One of these man-creatures smiled at me about five times today and spontaneously came all the way upstairs to bring me a cup of tea. I am well in there.
> 
> No. I am a craven dweeb. In six weeks of working in the same premises and seeing him most days, I haven't had a single conversation with him because I am just too chicken****. Help I have forgotten how to talk to boys. I am like a fourteen year old schoolgirl with a crush, staring and fiddling with her hair and trying not to doodle over the more important invoices. Dude has eyes like ****in' cornflowers.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> One time when he did try to speak to me, I got so flustered I screwed up what I was photocopying.
> 
> I'm not really fussed about this situation in particular, it's whatever. It's just an example of what a massive dork I am. I'm not bothered so much about this particular boy as I am by my reaction to him. I get all stuttery and shaky-handed and clumsy and then turn tail and leave the room. The point is that somewhere along the line, my SA progress faltered, I backslid, and attractive men in their early 20s once again began to scare the absolute bejesus out of me. I don't understand what happened.
> 
> Eight months ago, I made a guy not dissimilar to this one walk 30 minutes in the rain back to his house to get my phone, when I hadn't even left it there and it was in my handbag the whole time. And now, eight months on, I start having horrified heart palpitations at the thought of stringing any more words in a row than "hi ____!!", "thank you" or "see you Monday~" and having a boy hear them. Help.


I love this story. Do you think he can tell how nervous you are?


----------



## lisbeth

Rixy said:


> That...sounds..mean...or am I reading this wrong?


If it was mean, it was only by accident. I didn't know my phone was still in my bag. It was buried right at the bottom under a ton of other stuff. I genuinely did think I had left it at his house.



tbyrfan said:


> I know this is off topic, but holy crap...guys treat attractive women so differently it's frightening. It's like borderline worship. :um


When you make tea or coffee you always make it for everybody present, so that the guy made me a cup of tea isn't surprising or remarkable, just that he bothered to carry it upstairs rather than yelling out "lisbeth!!!" for me to go downstairs and get it. But even that could just be politeness, idk. I just grasp at straws that he might maybe be interested because of my schoolgirl crush, when really I have no evidence for that. He could just be friendly. He is probably just being friendly.

In the case of the guy and the phone, I don't know how to put this delicately, but checking that I hadn't dropped my mobile under his bed was really the least that he could do.

I don't get very much male attention because I'm shy, so the 'borderline worship' thing has never been my experience, but men are sweeter to me now than when I was unattractive. It is true that appearance factors quite heavily into how men treat you. I notice a big difference in how men treat me when I'm wearing makeup and dressed 'feminine' compared to when I'm in my natural state and dressed more neutrally. If I'm wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and my glasses, then I am totally invisible.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> When you make tea or coffee you always make it for everybody present


Maybe this is a UK thing? Here, they sometimes offer people, but never make it without people asking. Most people seem to just make drinks for themselves. But I get what you're saying...I feel like we're taught to never assume a guy likes us and that he's just trying to be nice. I assumed that a lot in middle and high school and just got disappointed all the time...it felt weird being the ONLY person I knew who had guys just be nice to me because they were friendly people and not because they were interested.



lisbeth said:


> It is true that appearance factors quite heavily into how men treat you. I notice a big difference in how men treat me when I'm wearing makeup and dressed 'feminine' compared to when I'm in my natural state and dressed more neutrally. If I'm wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and my glasses, then I am totally invisible.


It's insane. My mom has said the same thing about when she wore makeup as a young woman. I've never noticed them treat me any differently because makeup doesn't do anything for me, though.


----------



## tbyrfan

AussiePea said:


> FTFY


First statement was far more accurate, but you can keep fooling yourself into thinking that there aren't women whom most men find attractive.


----------



## lisbeth

tbyrfan said:


> But I get what you're saying...I feel like we're taught to never assume a guy likes us and that he's just trying to be nice. I assumed that a lot in middle and high school and just got disappointed all the time...it felt weird being the ONLY person I knew who had guys just be nice to me because they were friendly people and not because they were interested.


_ Definitely._ Yep. After years of teenage disappointment, I have programmed myself to err so far on the side of caution that it's a bit ridiculous. Anything less than attempts at overt physical contact will have me in my default state of believing any interest is definitely just platonic. Actually, to be honest, even attempts at physical contact won't necessarily have me convinced otherwise, with the way that some men compartmentalise. He might still only see me as a friend, just as a friend with a vagina.

I just don't want to embarrass myself by thinking that someone likes me when they don't really. I've done enough of that already.



> It's insane. My mom has said the same thing about when she wore makeup as a young woman. I've never noticed them treat me any differently because makeup doesn't do anything for me, though.


Without makeup, I look tired and sick. With makeup, I still look tired but a bit less sick. I don't think it's just aesthetic, I think it's partly the attitude it suggests. If I look tired and sick and like I couldn't be bothered that morning, then men will probably assume I'm grumpy and unreceptive and have no desire to speak to me.


----------



## AussiePea

tbyrfan said:


> First statement was far more accurate, but you can keep fooling yourself into thinking that there aren't women whom most men find attractive.


That wasn't the point of the comment. Your comment read that men will fall over themselves for attractive woman, which is true, however men will also fall over themselves for woman THEY find attractive who do not meet the social standards of being considered attractive. I'm not denying that more conventionally attractive woman will encounter this more often (durr) but it still can and does occur for people not considered conventionally attractive. So yeah, the fix is more accurate.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> Haha! You don't know calichick. She'd never go for this.
> 
> Calichick reminds me of this girl I used to talk to. Very obnoxious, self-centered and shallow. Of course it took me a while to realize that. I once asked her to get out, but never could due to some reasons. Later on she revealed she only said yes to get a free meal. I haven't talked to her since.





Hikikomori2014 said:


> *@calichick, I am sure there are a lot of str8 guys in California on this forum.
> Why don't you organize a thread about a meet-up or a Wednesday evening happy-hour event or something? It would be beneficial for all involved.
> 
> Just a thought*





Hikikomori2014 said:


> From just the comments in this thread, I think I have a relatively good understanding of her. I know her type
> 
> I love her spunk


Gunner is right.

My taste in men is much too profound for an online mental health site.

But lol @ the suggestion to invite a bunch of guys to come meet me.

What is this, the Bachelorette of SAS? :lol


----------



## calichick

anyoldkindofday said:


> Calichick, don't you have a lunchbreak or something to get out of your workbuilding and go to wherever it is that all the straight guys gather to get lunch?


I work in an industrial area.

It is flanked by manual laborers. (can you say minimum wage?)

People, my logic is, you're at work for 8+ hours a day. Why be miserable?

I like to be surrounded by hoards of straight men at all times, like one gigantic work orgy. It makes me more productive during the day. Srsly.


----------



## calichick

thomasjune said:


> Yep I'm too cool for this mental health site. Not sure why I spend most of my time here.


Did I say I was too cool? Rofl

No, I'm a huge nerd don't get me mistaken. I don't have a life outside work and I'm not going to front that I'm some social butterfly cause I'm not.

Read the sentence again sweetie.


----------



## AussiePea

Pretty sure his post was complete sarcasm and tongue in cheek.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> Pretty sure his post was complete sarcasm and tongue in cheek.


Did I say anything to contradict that?

I'm quite well aware what he just said, but thanks for trying to translate attempt at witty repartee for me.

Let me just put this out there right now though, for anyone under the false impression of me, I am NOT cool. I am not too good for the internet, I don't have a social life or friends and I hop from man to man deriving temporary satisfaction from them in my somewhat lackluster life.

That doesn't negate the statement above though of what I said about physical standards. Let's really put on our thinking caps here people before you post k


----------



## AussiePea

More the defensive attitude in your reply towards a post which didn't warrant it in the slightest. It's as if you'll take any possible opportunity to be condescending towards a post with open arms to maintain some kind of dominant position.


----------



## calichick

Persephone The Dread said:


> Welcome to the club Calichick. *gives an evil laugh* Luckily for you I suppose this is temporary, so you won't have to cultivate a personality or any of that ridiculous nonsense.


True f***ing that PTD.

FML

Tough life. Having a personality is hard work. Hot damn.

PS why'd you take down your avatar?


----------



## Cerberus

calichick said:


> I'm a huge nerd don't get me mistaken.


Bull****! List your nerd credentials.

Also, a rabbit:


----------



## McFly

lisbeth said:


> Eight months ago, I made a guy not dissimilar to this one walk 30 minutes in the rain back to his house to get my phone, when I hadn't even left it there and it was in my handbag the whole time. And now, eight months on, I start having horrified heart palpitations at the thought of stringing any more words in a row than "hi ____!!", "thank you" or "see you Monday~" and having a boy hear them. Help.


So what caused you to have such an acute breakdown in confidence?


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> to be condescending


It's not defensive, it's called a firm grasp of the English language Lol

If there was anything I've said here that made you think even for one second that I'm not some huge b****, I'm sorry. Cause I am.

Don't really think this is news though. I've been this way from the moment I first joined.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cerberus said:


> Bull****! List your nerd credentials.
> 
> Also, a rabbit:


How long have you been into rabbits for? I feel like you've stolen this from me. I'll need to find something else now.. Not cats, everyone is always all over the felines.



calichick said:


> True f***ing that PTD.
> 
> FML
> 
> Tough life. Having a personality is hard work. Hot damn.
> 
> PS why'd you take down your avatar?


Felt like being blank for a while.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> You've done an excellent job describing my life. Difference being, I can't quit my job. I'd be experiencing schadenfreude right now but it hits a little too close to home.


Truant my dear. My undying respect for you and for all gender ambiguous individuals.

I cannot even imagine. I have a newfound respect for GiGi Gorgeous on youtube. How it must be like to have a small subset of compatible mates in the world.

Srsly, I can't even...


----------



## Cerberus

Persephone The Dread said:


> How long have you been into rabbits for? I feel like you've stolen this from me. I'll need to find something else now.. Not cats, everyone is always all over the felines.


Since when were you into rabbits? I had a number of pet rabbits when I was younger. Plus, Watership Down was my favorite cartoon movie when I was a kid.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cerberus said:


> Since when were you into rabbits? I had a number of pet rabbits when I was younger. Plus, Watership Down was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid.


I've always liked rabbits and cats.

My family looked after a sick rabbit for a while (it was only supposed to be a short while but we ended up having him for over a year before my aunt eventually took him) he was quite stressed when he came to us because my mum's work weren't looking after him properly (which was why she took him home), and his fur was falling out  his name was Toffee.

Plus Alice and Wonderland (white rabbit.)


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Bull****! List your nerd credentials.


I don't go out past 7 PM on any day of the week.
I've worked in a library before (spent a good part of my grade school days in a library actually, I guess anyone who's read that diary excerpt that I posted a few days ago picked up on that)
Played video games up until I was 15. 
I've only been to one club in my lifetime and I stood awkwardly to the side trying to ward off this guy from trying to get me to dance.
My coworkers are my friends.
I'm a member of SAS? 
I've been using support sites since I was 17.
I don't have any social media. FB, IG tweet tweet whatever. I'm a huge nonbeliever.
I don't drink
I don't do drugs
My idea of a good time is being in a quiet place, preferably with scenic views
I used the word "repartee" 5 minutes ago :lol
My mother is my best friend
I graduated with a GPA > 4.0

Oh s***, dating profile material right here.

Coming up next, my POF profile link :teeth

I joke. I don't use POF. Anymore. Heh.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

> I joke. I don't use POF. Anymore. Heh.


Who uses Plenty Of Freaks? Honestly, that's the worst site ever. I got a little attention there, but it was from extremely weird women who were not prizes, but thought they were.

Why am I posting in this thread, anyway? I don't need a boy, I need a girl.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> I don't go out past 7 PM on any day of the week.
> I've worked in a library before (spent a good part of my grade school days in a library actually, I guess anyone who's read that diary excerpt that I posted a few days ago picked up on that)
> Played video games up until I was 15.
> *I've only been to one club in my lifetime and I stood awkwardly to the side trying to ward off this guy from trying to get me to dance.*
> My coworkers are my friends.
> I'm a member of SAS?
> I've been using support sites since I was 17.
> I don't have any social media. FB, IG tweet tweet whatever. I'm a huge nonbeliever.
> I don't drink
> I don't do drugs
> My idea of a good time is being in a quiet place, preferably with scenic views
> I used the word "repartee" 5 minutes ago :lol
> My mother is my best friend
> I graduated with a GPA > 4.0
> 
> Oh s***, dating profile material right here.
> 
> Coming up next, my POF profile link :teeth
> 
> I joke. I don't use POF. Anymore. Heh.


I'm not sure how I feel about potentially being less 'nerdy' than Calichick lifetime wise.


----------



## calichick

God, I'm a proud loser.

You got to embrace yourselves people. That's what life is about. You need to think you're such hot s*** that YOU make being uncool, _cool_

That self confidence tho


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

calichick said:


> God, I'm a proud loser.
> 
> You got to embrace yourselves people. That's what life is about. You need to think you're such hot s*** that YOU make being uncool, _cool_
> 
> That self confidence tho


That's probably the best advice you've ever given on here. Kudos to you.

Of course, you may be teasing, but if you're serious...


----------



## calichick

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Who uses Plenty Of Freaks? Honestly, that's the worst site ever. I got a little attention there, but it was from extremely weird women who were not prizes, but thought they were.
> 
> Why am I posting in this thread, anyway? I don't need a boy, I need a girl.


You're posting because I'm here (and you like me let's not front "I didn't know that was you bullcrap" WT). Lol

I'm a fan of POF just in the respect that there's a ton of men on that site. I feel like a few years back, I was just joining to rack up messages by the dozen, and it became almost a game after awhile. Never met anyone though.

Yes, it's the girls like me who give a bad name to dating sites. We join just to get compliments on our photos and brief interactions with men, prolonging our time on text/email as long as possible just to provide momentary distraction from lives of solitude 

I've met people from Craigslist though. Yet another bullet point to add to Grade A Nerd list above.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

calichick said:


> You're posting because I'm here (and you like me let's not front "I didn't know that was you bullcrap" WT). Lol
> 
> I'm a fan of POF just in the respect that there's a ton of men on that site. I feel like a few years back, I was just joining to rack up messages by the dozen, and it became almost a game after awhile. Never met anyone though.
> 
> Yes, it's the girls like me who give a bad name to dating sites. We join just to get compliments on our photos and brief interactions with men, prolonging our time on text/email as long as possible just to provide momentary distraction from lives of solitude
> 
> I've met people from Craigslist though. Yet another bullet point to add to Grade A Nerd list above.


I like talking to you. It has nothing to do with your looks. It's not like we're dating or something, if you're from Cali there's a lot of space that separates us.

I talked about the girls not being winners because A.) They weren't physically attractive, B.) They were single moms or potential cat ladies, and C.) They showed me _exactly_ why they were single.

I purposely don't message the super hot girls on POF, because...why would they talk to me? They probably get hit on by guys who are much more physically attractive, and so they would choose their messages over mine.


----------



## calichick

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I like talking to you. It has nothing to do with your looks. It's not like we're dating or something, if you're from Cali there's a lot of space that separates us.
> 
> I talked about the girls not being winners because A.) They weren't physically attractive, B.) They were single moms or potential cat ladies, and C.) They showed me _exactly_ why they were single.
> 
> I purposely don't message the super hot girls on POF, because...why would they talk to me? They probably get hit on by guys who are much more physically attractive, and so they would choose their messages over mine.


Yea, no on the first sentence.

Also, I wouldn't be so sure about purposely avoiding the hottest person imaginable (not only online but in real life). As I've mentioned here a few times, beautiful people often have this invisible barrier around them, they are put on a pedestal and often alienated from "normal" social interaction because of the intimidation factor.

On the off chance that you're there at the right time and place, whilst everyone is too afraid to approach or make a move, you may just get lucky.


----------



## spititout

not living in the country


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> You got to embrace yourselves people. That's what life is about. You need to think you're such hot s*** that YOU make being uncool, _cool_


I agree with this 100%.


----------



## lisbeth

George McFly said:


> So what caused you to have such an acute breakdown in confidence?


Life in general has been a bit crap this year.

Tbh, the past 'confidence' was probably more of a fluke than anything. The winter was a weird time for me. I was very lost and very depressed and switchin between a hideous number of different medications (all of which did more harm than good) and everything felt so bleak and bizarre that I just didn't really care about anything. I hardly knew what was happening and I was really not myself. Just going through the motions and trying to tread water. I'd be up til 4am having obsessive thoughts about self-harm, and then wake up a few hours later to go somewhere with phone guy and try to act completely normal so nobody would pick up on anything. I don't think it was confidence, just recklessness and numbness.

And then on a simpler level, I'm out of practice. When I lived on a university campus and had some semblance of a social life, I might get two guys' numbers in a week. Now I'm living at home in a small town and don't really go out very much, I've met maybe three guys in the last four months, and I haven't so much as gone for a coffee with any of them.


----------



## Rixy

lisbeth said:


> If it was mean, it was only by accident. I didn't know my phone was still in my bag. It was buried right at the bottom under a ton of other stuff. I genuinely did think I had left it at his house.


Ah, I get what you mean now. I misunderstood and thought the whole thing was intentional to see if he would do it. Nah, I wouldn't say that was mean. It was just an accident like you said.


----------



## lisbeth

Rixy said:


> Ah, I get what you mean now. I misunderstood and thought the whole thing was intentional to see if he would do it. Nah, I wouldn't say that was mean. It was just an accident like you said.


I apologised profusely to him, of course. I felt really guilty afterwards but looking back on it later I also felt sorta powerful in a perverse kind of way, so I can't actually say that I was sorry that I did it. Most of the time I feel like a monkey on loan from a particularly mediocre circus.


----------



## villadb

From experience I've learnt to ring my mobile number from the landline or get someone else to ring to eliminate the chance of me being a wally and finding it in my coat pocket or something. But I'd happily use it as an excuse to walk with a girl I like. If I had the guts of course.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> I don't go out past 7 PM on any day of the week.
> *I've worked in a library before (spent a good part of my grade school days in a library actually, I guess anyone who's read that diary excerpt that I posted a few days ago picked up on that)*
> Played video games up until I was 15.
> *I've only been to one club in my lifetime and I stood awkwardly to the side trying to ward off this guy from trying to get me to dance.*
> My coworkers are my friends.
> I'm a member of SAS?
> I've been using support sites since I was 17.
> *I don't have any social media. FB, IG tweet tweet whatever. I'm a huge nonbeliever.
> I don't drink
> I don't do drugs
> My idea of a good time is being in a quiet place, preferably with scenic views
> I used the word "repartee" 5 minutes ago :lol
> My mother is my best friend
> I graduated with a GPA > 4.0*
> 
> Oh s***, dating profile material right here.
> 
> Coming up next, my POF profile link :teeth
> 
> I joke. I don't use POF. Anymore. Heh.


Oh my gosh you're actually making yourself sound appealing.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

crimeclub said:


> Oh my gosh you're actually making yourself sound appealing.


What if you met Calichick on online dating and didn't know it was Calichick?


----------



## calichick

I am not on those sites anymore.

My days of online dating are over. (Brief stint between 19-20 because I moved to a new city)


----------



## crimeclub

Persephone The Dread said:


> What if you met Calichick on online dating and didn't know it was Calichick?


On the date when I found out its her i'd point to something behind her and when she looks back I'd do a shoulder-roll out of the chair and book it for my car.

Just kidding. I'd at least be attracted to those attributes.


----------



## calichick

^ Yes CrimeClub, because I lead with my personality. I try to get men to just think, damn, I want me some of that introversion. :no

You probably won't be thinking much anyways if you are with me.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> You probably won't be thinking much anyways if you are with me.


I'm probably just not thinking much right now but what's the implication here


----------



## tbyrfan

AussiePea said:


> however men will also fall over themselves for woman THEY find attractive who do not meet the social standards of being considered attractive.


Yes, in maybe less than 5% of all cases, so it's pretty irrelevant.



AussiePea said:


> So yeah, the fix is more accurate.


Only if you've spent your life in a cave and haven't observed typical human behavior. Girls who aren't conventionally attractive are usually ignored and/or treated like crap by guys.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> I'm probably just not thinking much right now but what's the implication here


Let's just say I aim to please.


----------



## Darktower776

tbyrfan said:


> Only if you've spent your life in a cave and haven't observed typical human behavior. Girls who aren't conventionally attractive are usually ignored and/or treated like crap by guys.


I'm sure it happens but I see guys talking to and treating girls that aren't conventionally attractive just fine usually. Sure there are a-holes out there- both guys and girls- but most people don't just treat others like total crap just because they aren't attractive.


----------



## tbyrfan

Darktower776 said:


> I'm sure it happens but I see guys talking to and treating girls that aren't conventionally attractive just fine usually. Sure there are a-holes out there- both guys and girls- but most people don't just treat others like total crap just because they aren't attractive.


Usually, but girls who are conventionally attractive are practically worshipped in comparison. Unattractive girls are usually ignored/blown off by most. For example, if one was trying to get through a door but had their hands full of heavy stuff, guys would slam doors in their face. Guys in customer service/sales won't help and often seem annoyed. Little things like that.


----------



## calichick

No offense, but doesn't this TBYR chick have a boyfriend?

Lol

What's with the hellbent obsession over supposed ugliness? Half the lot of us here who are attractive can't seem to make a relationship work, and yet you are in one.

Congrats.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> No offense, but doesn't this TBYR chick have a boyfriend?
> 
> Lol
> 
> What's with the hellbent obsession over supposed ugliness? Half the lot of us here who are attractive can't seem to make a relationship work, and yet you are in one.
> 
> Congrats.


That isn't relevant. It just annoys me how people pretend that looks don't matter at all and that unattractive people get treated just like anyone else.


----------



## crimeclub

Darktower776 said:


> I'm sure it happens but I see guys talking to and treating girls that aren't conventionally attractive just fine usually. Sure there are a-holes out there- both guys and girls- but most people don't just treat others like total crap just because they aren't attractive.


SAS logic #43: When constructing a social theory only apply your own personal experience and ignore the empirical evidence that is seen every day in [email protected], I'm not trying to ruffle your feathers with that but can you not see that plenty of unattractive women have boyfriends/husbands? It's almost a cliche that hot girls are perpetually single. Half the world is ugly - average, these genetics are getting passed on somehow.


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> SAS logic #43 : When constructing a social theory only apply your own personal experience and ignore the empirical evidence that is seen every day in society.


It also follows the empirical evidence that i've seen every day in society, so yeah, your attempted pot-shot at my intelligence is inaccurate.



crimeclub said:


> Tbyr I'm not trying to ruffle your feathers but can you not see that plenty of unattractive women have boyfriend/husband?


The vast majority of unattractive women i've known are single and have been picked on a lot. The hot girls who are single are often that way mostly because they are extremely picky.


----------



## calichick

Attractive people get treated better.

No s*** Sherlock 


In other news, I ate a bagel today.

Who's arguing against that? No one. They're just saying being ugly isn't the end of the world.

You're not ugly by the way. (From the picture you posted, you are quite attractive actually)

A little thing on BDD that's helped me over the past. You can't change you. Why waste time obsessing over uncontrollable factors when you can start to embrace and accept what you have and make that the best you can be?

With BDD, it bends and tricks your mind into creating a never ending loop of constant obsession and compulsion. You need to have a benchmark to stop it from rewinding. Something that grounds you back to reality instead of being stuck in false delusion.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> Attractive people get treated better.
> 
> No s*** Sherlock
> 
> In other news, I ate a bagel today.
> 
> Who's arguing against that? No one. They're just saying being ugly isn't the end of the world.


People seem to deny that, though (the fact that attractive people get treated better). I'm not sure why. It's like they have lived in a cave for their entire life. :con


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> It also follows the empirical evidence that i've seen every day in society, so yeah, your attempted pot-shot at my intelligence is inaccurate.
> 
> The vast majority of unattractive women i've known are single and have been picked on a lot.


I'd say you're above average in intelligence. But I think there are way too many exceptions to the SAS rule that good looks are the solution and not simply just an advantage.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

tbyrfan said:


> People seem to deny that, though (the fact that attractive people get treated better). I'm not sure why. It's like they have lived in a cave for their entire life. :con


They don't want to acknowledge that Humanity is biased in that sense. That being said, being treated like a king/queen isn't something I feel I need so I don't think it's as big a deal. Most people are indifferent to people they view as unattractive not mean, at least outside of high school. You've had bad experiences.

I'm sure most people would give up special treatment from the masses if they could find a partner they were really attracted to and who were attracted to them too. That's the only important use for appearance imo.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

tbyrfan said:


> It just annoys me how people pretend that looks don't matter at all and that unattractive people get treated just like anyone else.


I think that's a bit of an overstatement. I doubt just about anyone would think looks don't matter at all nor have I heard many people deny the fact. It matters just as much among the other things that matter as well--the non-physical traits. I suppose I'm considered pretty attractive, have a decent personality but yet I'm more or less socially retarded. So dating wise, where does that leave me in the crowd?--Most likely much more unsuccessful than the not so good looking guy with social competence, confidence and so on. I see plenty of average at best and far worse looking guys with desirable women or at least at the bare minimum a girl to begin with.


----------



## calichick

I don't think that people realize that arguing about looks with someone with BDD is a losing battle










(^I love this pic. So true)

The underlying problem is the real issue here.

Not the obsessions.

You need to go one step further and ask yourself why this matters so much to you TBYR.

"I'm sick of hearing people saying this or that about how the world is when it's completely opposite."

Why does that matter? How does that affect you in turn? Does your self-esteem rest on others perceptions and beliefs to validate those of your own?


----------



## crimeclub

^she apparently doesn't have BDD, you'd think she does though considering the fact that if you've seen her pics and then hear her talk about her CURRENT looks it makes you think she has nothing but warped fun-house mirrors in her house.


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> The hot girls who are single are often that way mostly because they are extremely picky.


As true as that is, it's only one factor. Another is that a majority of the time a hot girl gets approached its because the guy wants to have sex with her under the guise that he's "interested". Another is that after going through a soup-kitchen sized line of men that are deceiving their way into her pants the self-esteem plummets, the depression and loneliness sets in, and the guard goes way up to the point that dating has basically become too risky. Ugly girls and hot girls often reach the same end but experiencing different struggles along the way. Honestly I'd say just above average is the ideal for women.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> majority of the time a hot girl gets approached its because the guy wants to have sex with her under the guise that he's "interested".


Sorry this is false.

99% of the guys I've met aren't in it just for sex, they actually tend to become somewhat infatuated. (And that's the beauty of it, it's an amazing position to hold)

You may be thinking of a woman who isn't really attractive, just dresses provocatively to catch men's eyes.

Guys don't claim to know anything on this topic, you have no idea of what we women go through with men.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> I don't think that people realize that arguing about looks with someone with BDD is a losing battle


Apparently I have BDD, but I don't think it matters because I'm actually ugly.


----------



## calichick

I can say with some certainty, there is absolutely no downside to being attractive.


None. Any false perceptions you have, even regarding social alienation, it just makes it that much easier to coddle men's affections in the palm of your hand.

On the other hand, same sex relations are a different story, but honestly, who cares when you have so many men vying for your attention?


----------



## crimeclub

That's YOUR experience. And I'm talking about a portion of hot girls not all of them. And I do have an idea because I'm not oblivious. I've dated attractive girls, I've had attractive female friends, I know how guys think while dating because Im one of them, and most of my friends are guys. Not experiencing first- hand doesn't equate to not knowing.

Edit: though I agree that dressing sl**ty raises that risk, for ANY type of girl. Certain guys prey on girls who dress sl**ty, or have low self-esteem, or have daddy issues/histrionic, any girl that seems weak. You might not experience it because you might not seem weak.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Apparently I have BDD, but I don't think it matters because I'm actually ugly.


You're one person on here that I'm curious to know how you look like.

I'm imagining some deep intellectual/hipster who wears skinny jeans and low neck v tops with glasses even though you don't need them.

Am I close? :lol


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> That's YOUR experience. And I'm talking about a portion of hot girls not all of them. And I do have an idea because I'm not oblivious. I've dated attractive girls, I've had attractive female friends, I know how guys think while dating because Im one of them, and most of my friends are guys. Not experiencing first- hand doesn't equate to not knowing.


No, you have no idea.

People talk up a storm, if you've never walked "a day in their life" (lol at reference to one of my previous threads), your perception is completely biased.

About 1/4 of the truth is what you get from people.

Also, if you're dating them, something must have been right because above you just assumed that men were in it for the sex.

Keep your story straight.

Men become infatuated with beautiful women. They would go to lengths just to impress her. That's the beauty in it.


----------



## crimeclub

My statement wasn't false just a little generalized. 

I have an ex that would strongly disagree with you. Not to mention I've talked to girls on here that would disagree with you.


----------



## calichick

On a side note, can I just say that this is the most epic thread revival ever on this board?

I've "owned" (note: not created, but took over) many a thread on SAS and it usually ends up getting deleted or locked, cause people always feel the need to argue with me, but tripling it in a few weeks.

Well done Cali. It's become my personal manifesto almost, a look inside the psychological mindset of a typical single woman (SFB Single Female Behavior) in her 20s in one of the most notorious places on the earth.

_there's a reason why they all write songs about Cali girls_

We're just undeniable. :lol


----------



## crimeclub

I enjoy the practically free-form nature of the thread.


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> But I think there are way too many exceptions to the SAS rule that good looks are the solution and not simply just an advantage.


I never said they were the solution. Not being bullied is a huge perk, though.



Bert Reynolds said:


> I see plenty of average at best and far worse looking guys with desirable women or at least at the bare minimum a girl to begin with.


So do I. That's because men have much higher standards for physical appearance than women.



calichick said:


> I don't think that people realize that arguing about looks with someone with BDD is a losing battle


You can't have BDD with real, major physical flaws. For that reason, no therapist has ever diagnosed me with it.


----------



## calichick

^
Wonders what major physical flaws are.



crimeclub said:


> My statement wasn't false just a little generalized.
> 
> I have an ex that would strongly disagree with you. Not to mention I've talked to girls on here that would disagree with you.


That's nice, hun.

I'm sure they're all Ace of women.

Alright I've officially wasted sufficient time...later folks.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> You need to go one step further and ask yourself why this matters so much to you TBYR.
> 
> "I'm sick of hearing people saying this or that about how the world is when it's completely opposite."
> 
> Why does that matter? How does that affect you in turn? Does your self-esteem rest on others perceptions and beliefs to validate those of your own?


Because it sucks having pretty much nobody understand what it's like to be bullied constantly for your looks. I get to hear people who have never struggled with their looks once in their lives try diagnosing me with BDD, tell me that apparently my bullying didn't actually happen, that it's not a big deal/not a real problem, that I should just "get over it" or "suck it up", etc etc...all I ever get is people being dismissive. Imagine having hundreds of people, even strangers, tell you you're ugly to your face when you're just walking by, tell you you need plastic surgery, that you're hideous compared to your pretty classmate because of your big nose, your manly face, etc...it sucked.



crimeclub said:


> As true as that is, it's only one factor. Another is that a majority of the time a hot girl gets approached its because the guy wants to have sex with her under the guise that he's "interested". Another is that after going through a soup-kitchen sized line of men that are deceiving their way into her pants the self-esteem plummets, the depression and loneliness sets in, and the guard goes way up to the point that dating has basically become too risky. Ugly girls and hot girls often reach the same end but experiencing different struggles along the way. Honestly I'd say just above average is the ideal for women.


I agree with calichick - this is completely false. I have never seen or heard of this happen in my entire life. They still have plenty of great, interested guys to date as well. It's only a matter of being able to distinguish those guys from the fakes (which is probably tough and upsetting for them, but it sure beats having guys tell you to kill yourself because of the way you look). I'm so annoyed with people trying to exclusively defend attractive people saying that they have it oh-so-hard while also being dismissive of unattractive people's issues. Lookism at its finest.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> That's nice, hun.
> 
> I'm sure they're all Ace of women.


Wow.

Welp, I guess once I start actually disliking you that's my cue to leave. Night.


----------



## laysiaj

opcorn

Such a fan of this thread. Truly mesmerizing. 
Go go go @calichick!


----------



## laysiaj

@tbyrfan Wait, people have told you to kill yourself because of how you look? 
Seriously? WTH is wrong with people?!


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> I agree with calichick - this is completely false. I have never seen or heard of this happen in my entire life. They still have plenty of great, interested guys to date as well. It's only a matter of being able to distinguish those guys from the fakes (which is probably tough and upsetting for them, but it sure beats having guys tell you to kill yourself because of the way you look).


Of course you won't allow hot girls to be victimized.

And YOU haven't seen it therefore it's false, despite the fact I've seen it many times over, still false...because im a guy.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> Wow.
> 
> Welp, I guess once I start actually disliking you that's my cue to leave. Night.


I like how CrimeClub always says he's leaving right after I do as if it was totally unrelated.

LOL

The personalities on this site KILL me.


----------



## crimeclub

^Didn't know you left. I'm actually not physically there with you.


----------



## tbyrfan

laysiaj said:


> @tbyrfan Wait, people have told you to kill yourself because of how you look?
> Seriously? WTH is wrong with people?!


It's pretty common. One of my friends who used to be overweight got bullied so badly that she lost 80 pounds from starving herself and now has permanent kidney damage. People are sick.



crimeclub said:


> Of course you won't allow hot girls to be victimized.
> 
> And YOU haven't seen it therefore it's false, despite the fact I've seen it many times over, still false...because im a guy.


You won't allow ugly girls to be victimized. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Everyone has problems, but they're just of a different nature. Hot girls don't get treated like crap because of their looks, but they might have low self-esteem or severe SA.


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> It's pretty common. One of my friends who used to be overweight got bullied so badly that she lost 80 pounds from starving herself and now has permanent kidney damage. People are sick.
> 
> You won't allow ugly girls to be victimized. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Show me evidence to support that claim, because a few posts ago I did acknowledge that unattractive girls can be victims. Defending attractive girls one time on here doesn't equal being anti ugly people.


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> Show me evidence to support that claim. Defending attractive girls one time on here doesn't equal being anti ugly people.


Based on a ton of your posts, you're the type that worships attractive women.


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> It's pretty common. One of my friends who used to be overweight got bullied so badly that she lost 80 pounds from starving herself and now has permanent kidney damage. People are sick.
> 
> You won't allow ugly girls to be victimized. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Everyone has problems, but they're just of a different nature. Hot girls don't get treated like crap because of their looks, but they might have low self-esteem or severe SA.


I literally said this very thing.

And you must not read my posts because you won't find a single post that ever has me putting looks at the top of the list. Good effort.


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> And you must not read my posts because you won't find a single post that ever has me putting looks at the top of the list. Good effort.


lol k

I don't know who you are and may be wrong, but I get a completely different impression.


----------



## calichick

This is what I call real time Cali updates.

I just received a call that the only reason why I got my job was because of how I looked (on a Saturday no less), reinforcing everything I thought from the beginning.
Inside friend told me the boss rejected two other people who were way more experienced than me, but didn't look the part. She's the recruiter so she wanted me to give her some feedback. Boss calls me in on Friday for personal 1:1. I'm trying not to completely laugh in his face.

I should be happy, but it just reinforces that "vain dystopia where looks are your fast pass to the free ride express lane" through life.

I'm having a somewhat out of body experience, like even though I say all this s*** about special treatment and advantages in life, actually having someone articulate the SAME exact notions (and not a virtual person on SAS, a living, breathing human being) makes me somewhat sad.

Like this world is pretty f***ing pathetic to that extent in how baseless it is.

What would I do without SAS?

@*tbyrfan* agree with you wholeheartedly.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Persephone The Dread said:


> What if you met Calichick on online dating and didn't know it was Calichick?


She'd turn him down because he is bald and greying and dons spectacles.


----------



## calichick

Hadron92 said:


> Lol you can't make these things up.


I'm sharing way too much of my life on these boards.

Damn not having friends.

I feel weird right now. Who am I?

Where am I?

Why is this happening?

1/4 Life Crisis = real s***.


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> lol k
> 
> I don't know who you are and may be wrong, but I get a completely different impression.


The main looks-based adjective I'll say about the type of girl I'm into is 'cute', 9 times out of 10, that's as specific as I get, then I'll talk about a ton of non appearance attributes. Surprisingly I do have my priorities in order despite being a guy. You're right, you don't know me because I'm 'Mike' not 'crimeclub', I'm pretty different from my SAS persona.


----------



## crimeclub

hesitation marks said:


> She'd turn him down because he is bald and greying and dons spectacles.


Who now?


----------



## calichick

Can everyone stop talking for a second please.

This conversation about looks is making me want to rip my eyes out.



hesitation marks said:


> She'd turn him down because he is bald and greying and dons spectacles.


:afr


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> The main looks-based adjective I'll say about the type of girl I'm into is 'cute', 9 times out of 10, that's as specific as I get, then I'll talk about a ton of non appearance attributes. Surprisingly I do have my priorities in order despite being a guy. You're right, you don't know me because I'm 'Mike' not 'crimeclub', I'm pretty different from my SAS persona.


Sure doesn't seem that way. Also, you just said that you'd talk about looks and then non-appearance attributes, so you just contradicted yourself when you said that you don't put looks at the top of the list. And i'm not sure why you would want to have an SAS persona that comes across as shallow.


----------



## calichick

Hadron92 said:


> Yeah...You should probably see a therapist or something. And I'm not just basing that on this post.


I don't have money for therapy.

I have too much student debts to pay off and worth a negative sum of money.

It's times like these which make me want to go back to soliciting older gentleman.

Nah. That's long gone.










_Don't stop, no it's never enough
I'll never look back, never give up
And if it gets rough, it's time to get rough_

I'm going to go drown my sorrows and listen to music. Have fun people.


----------



## calichick

Hadron92 said:


> Didn't you used to brag about how much money you were making? And anyway, I thought you had to pay student loans back only when you started earning a certain amount. Or maybe that's only a UK thing.
> 
> Man am I glad I don't live in America or have to pay for uni.


I quit that one. (Make a little less money now and between stable jobs)

No, you don't have a grace period.

If you don't pay it off, you accrue interest on top of interest. I had like $15k just in interest.

Whatevs though, I'm out.

P.S plz behave in the thread


----------



## crimeclub

tbyrfan said:


> Sure doesn't seem that way. Also, you just said that you'd talk about looks and then non-appearance attributes, so you just contradicted yourself when you said that you don't put looks at the top of the list. And i'm not sure why you would want to have an SAS persona that comes across as shallow.


Frankly I'm not interested enough to continue swatting away more and more accusations. I guess I'm just going to have to be shallow in your eyes.


----------



## tbyrfan

crimeclub said:


> Frankly I'm not interested enough to continue swatting away more and more accusations. I guess I'm just going to have to be shallow in your eyes.


Then please try not to respond to my posts about looks, thanks.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

crimeclub said:


> Who now?


Whoever it was that posted that Larry David gif. :lol


----------



## crimeclub

hesitation marks said:


> Whoever it was that posted that Larry David gif. :lol


Oh haha, LDs a stud regardless


----------



## shyvr6

This thread needs another reminder to stay on topic. It has only remained open since some members were trying to do that. This will be the final warning.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> I don't have money for therapy.
> 
> I have too much student debts to pay off and worth a negative sum of money.
> 
> It's times like these which make me want to go back to soliciting older gentleman.
> 
> Nah. That's long gone.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _Don't stop, no it's never enough
> I'll never look back, never give up
> And if it gets rough, it's time to get rough_
> 
> I'm going to go drown my sorrows and listen to music. Have fun people.


You what with older gentlemen were they circumcised though...?


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> You're one person on here that I'm curious to know how you look like.
> 
> I'm imagining some deep intellectual/hipster who wears skinny jeans and low neck v tops with glasses even though you don't need them.
> 
> Am I close? :lol


Not even remotely. :no You have me confused with someone who might possibly be attractive.


----------



## lisbeth

Ladies, it's official: for the first time since I was 18, I have a crush. It feels like a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> Ladies, it's official: for the first time since I was 18, I have a crush. It feels like a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


I don't know whether to congratulate you or pass the Tums.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> I don't know whether to congratulate you or pass the Tums.


Pass the Tums. No congratulations necessary. It's not good to get all twitterpated about someone you've hardly said ten words to. I THOUGHT I HAD GROWN OUT OF THIS.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> Pass the Tums. No congratulations necessary. It's not good to get all twitterpated about someone you've hardly said ten words to. I THOUGHT I HAD GROWN OUT OF THIS.


You're in for a rough ride if you believe you'll ever grow out of it.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> You're in for a rough ride if you believe you'll ever grow out of it.


nooooooooooooooooooooooooo


----------



## McFly

lisbeth said:


> Ladies, it's official: for the first time since I was 18, I have a crush. It feels like a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


Is it the guy from your office that brings you tea?


----------



## lisbeth

George McFly said:


> Is it the guy from your office that brings you tea?


Yes.

It was on the borderline, and then the other day it teetered on the edge and unfortunately fell on the wrong side. My dad ran into him in town and then came home saying "lisbeth, what's the name of that beardy one at [company]? He seems like a good sort. He's a nice lad." And my dad doesn't like _anybody_ generally speaking, so for him to praise this guy unprompted... now I'm like, ****. This battle is lost.

I forgot how much I hated the feeling of having a crush. It really is very unpleasant.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> Ladies, it's official: for the first time since I was 18, I have a crush. It feels like a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


I'm feeling queezy in my stomach for you just thinking about it.

Any other indications he might reciprocate besides the tea? Eye contact, lingering, peripherals, body language?

I haven't crushed in 2 years.

Fml. No hot guy alert. I may or may not be into chicks by the end of the year.










Why do crushes always get such a bad rep anyhow, I find that the majority of the time, it's just lack of initiative to carry it one step further.

People get so caught up in remaining in that suspended state of tension, does he like me, does he like me not, can we make this work, what does this mean???

That it just prevents them from actually acting on it. It's the crush which people like, not the idea of advancing beyond the butterflies.

Unless of course the dude is married or taken. Which ironically doesn't stop a lot of these sleezebags these days.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Not even remotely. :no You have me confused with someone who might possibly be attractive.


So what...5'7, balding and obese or

I like my lists.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> I'm feeling queezy in my stomach for you just thinking about it.
> 
> Any other indications he might reciprocate besides the tea? Eye contact, lingering, peripherals, body language?
> 
> I haven't crushed in 2 years.
> 
> Fml. No hot guy alert. I may or may not be into chicks by the end of the year.


Nothing more than eye contact and unnecessary smiling. So no indication. But _technically_ also no indication that he doesn't! Y'know, if we want to put a truly _SASsy_ spin on it.

There really hasn't been any opportunity for either. We are ships passing in the night.



calichick said:


> Why do crushes always get such a bad rep anyhow, I find that the majority of the time, it's just lack of initiative to carry it one step further.
> 
> People get so caught up in remaining in that suspended state of tension, does he like me, does he like me not, can we make this work, what does this mean???
> 
> That it just prevents them from actually acting on it. It's the crush which people like, not the idea of advancing beyond the butterflies. *mental note taken*
> 
> Unless of course the dude is married or taken. Which ironically doesn't stop a lot of these sleezebags these days.


Oh Calichick, let me tell you why crushes get a bad rep.






I've never had a crush without it coming with an avalanche of "oh, who are you kidding?" thoughts any time I pass a mirror. The butterflies aren't butterflies - they're wasps.


----------



## calichick

Oh god, conjuring up MM75's catchphrase

Don't get me started on that. :lol

Is guy in question ridiculously good-looking or something? Male model material?

I feel like men are very docile creatures though. The attractive ones especially. It's the ones with the inferiority complexes you have to watch out for cause they often have the most far-reaching expectations.

They talk all this sh*t about objectifying women purely based on their looks, but at the end of the day, you butter a man's ego, and you got him eating right out of your hand.

Men are so ridiculously transparent it's not even funny.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> So what...5'7, balding and obese or
> 
> I like my lists.


No one can fool you, Cali, though in my defense I'm a snappy dresser.

I knew you'd be too shy to ask so I've sent you a picture of me and one of my exs. I'm the one on the right. As you can see, I wasn't lying when I said I totally bagged a hottie.



http://imgur.com/NbzFxCS


----------



## calichick

Not cool


----------



## AussiePea

A woman in tight black truant, I tip my hat. Can your nose sense when the weather is about to change?


----------



## lisbeth

@*calichick* I had to conjure up the catchphrase. The situation called for it.

He is pretty good-looking, yeah. Too good-looking for me. But that in itself doesn't mean a lot, because looking back over my track record there isn't anybody who _wasn't _too good-looking for me. I have discovered that handsome men are as likely to be unwitty and lame and lacking in game as average-looking men, so they aren't really scary. I used to see attractive people - male and female - as some kind of terrifying next-level species, but now I know they're just as uncool as everybody else, they just got born with a slightly different arrangement of facial features.

The problem is that I find normal, uncool people pretty intimidating and scary as it is.

To go more into Random Thought Thread territory:










My jimmies are rustled.

This guy I used to (see? hang out with? sleep with? I don't know what is the correct terminology here?) 'this guy I used to' some time ago, he just texted me at 1am saying 'How are you?'. Well, I am awake in the early hours telling a pathological shyness forum about my insecurities. Gee, what about you?

In the weeks since this guy's girlfriend split with him, he's texted me about twelve times unanswered. All similar stuff. I'm not really sure what response he's hoping for. Small talk doesn't really feel natural given that 4+ months ago he gave me the most offhand and unceremonious brushoff, and we don't even live in the same city any more. What conversation is this supposed to be? What is there to say? What is the purpose here? Obviously he wants something (wanting something is the only reason to text), but what is there to possibly want if you don't live anywhere near each other? And we're not talking bus-journey distance here. The most obvious thing is readily available with other girls locally.

It just bugs me. A few weeks ago it really upset me and it was hard not to respond (out, damned feelings) but now it's easy not to reply - it just frustrates and perplexes me because I cannot figure out the agenda here. If I knew what this was about, I could either engage or tell him to **** off (except I wouldn't, because I've never said that to anyone in my life). Get him to leave me alone, anyway. But as it is, I don't know, and because I don't know, I can't act. I stay silent. I just receive the messages.

Also, not gonna lie, I don't even trust that he'd respond back if I responded. I think that sometimes boys resurface just to rattle you, to prove they can get a response, and once they've got that confirmation they'll just disappear. Wanting a reaction rather than a conversation. IDK. IDK. I just ****ing hate that I can spend so many months wishing I could talk to someone, and then when they talk to me I still basically can't talk to them. Nothing worse than someone not replying to your reply to them.

Oh, and unanswered-texts guy is the guy who looked for my phone in the rain, for the record.


----------



## truant

AussiePea said:


> A woman in tight black truant, I tip my hat. Can your nose sense when the weather is about to change?


It can do more than that. Just ask the woman in black.



lisbeth said:


> What conversation is this supposed to be? What is there to say? What is the purpose here? Obviously he wants something (wanting something is the only reason to text), but what is there to possibly want if you don't live anywhere near each other? ... it just frustrates and perplexes me because I cannot figure out the agenda here. If I knew what this was about, I could either engage or tell him to **** off (except I wouldn't, because I've never said that to anyone in my life). Or something. But as it is, I don't know, and because I don't know, I can't act. I stay silent. I just receive the messages.


I apologize for butting in, but if it were me, and I had any sort of history with him, I would just ask him what he's hoping to get out of the conversation. It's sometimes much easier to be very direct.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> I apologize for butting in, but if it were me, and I had any sort of history with him, I would just ask him what he's hoping to get out of the conversation. It's sometimes much easier to be very direct.


I wouldn't be posting on a forum if I didn't want people to butt in.

Yeah, that's a point, but somehow I don't feel like I can. "Why are you texting me?" or, to put my thoughts more truthfully, "Why are you texting me when I live in X and you live in Y?" (if we both still lived in the same place, the reason would be clear as day) - idk, I don't feel like I can say either of these things or do any questioning of motives without coming across as collossally bitter and petty and *****y. Of course I _am_ bitter, and the jury is out and leaning strongly towards _'yes'_ on petty and *****y, but nonetheless, I'd rather maintain a shred of dignity.

Also, having dealt with this crap from this person before (albeit in a less bizarre way because we were at least in the same town then), I know I probably wouldn't get any reasonable answer from him. If he follows the script, the answer to any 'why' will be "I really miss you", or "I was thinking about you and wanna know how you are". Does he heck. I met this guy last November and he's never so much as asked me what I think about. 10/10 keeper, I do know.










There isn't really a way to say "this is weird, what's the deal?" without sounding like a shrew.


----------



## calichick

He's blown you off a few months ago and now he's resurfacing after he's split with his girlfriend.

Rebounding to you as emotional safety net.

Do you want to dignify him with a response or just move on with your life? He's in a fragile point right now, he's just split with someone who offered him console for how many months, assuming you were the girl before this chick, he's weighing his options.

The rebound. Go towards hot tea guy (your future) and tell your past to get lost.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> He's blown you off a few months ago and now he's resurfacing after he's split with his girlfriend.
> 
> Rebounding to you as emotional safety net.
> 
> Do you want to dignify him with a response or just move on with your life?
> 
> The rebound. Go towards hot tea guy (your future) and tell your past to get lost.


So you think just ignoring him totally is the best move?


----------



## Shameful

lisbeth said:


> So you think just ignoring him totally is the best move?


If everytime he texts you you're going to stay up til 2am thinking about it and feeling bad then honestly you should just deal with him. It's been 12 texts and he's not giving up so I think you've got to just send something back, something that is pretty cold towards him.


----------



## calichick

I personally would not ignore him since doing so would leave that 'what if' question looming in your mind, and closure (CLOSING that option for good) would be most beneficial just in a psychological regard.

See I am avoidant. I am Miss Avoidant America. I can tell you that avoiding the problem leaves uncovered scars that will reappear somewhere down the line and prevent you from truly moving on and going forward.

You need to ask what he wants and shut that down. You've moved on, hope he's doing well, yadda yadda yadda. Polite and courteous but also straight to the point unless you want to be known as Rebound Girl.

Just stick it to him, he's not worth anymore of your time.


----------



## calichick

Unless, UNLESS you want to keep him on the backburner like what I do with men I don't see a future with and just use and abuse.

I tend to have a very loose view of which men I keep in my life. I like to multi-task and friend zone a bunch of them since they tend to be useful at some point or another just to pass time/amuse my fancies etc

BUT, WARNING: these are men I don't give two sh*ts about and I'm assuming from your description above, you still have a little curiosity about you with regards to 'what could be' which in that case, probably will be more of a hindrance than anything since you don't have that emotional distance yet.

Ask yourself what you want to do and if you're completely and emotionally over this guy.

But yeh, TEA guy sounds quite promising.



calichick said:


> I personally would not ignore him since doing so would leave that 'what if' question looming in your mind, and closure (CLOSING that option for good) would be most beneficial just in a psychological regard.
> 
> See I am avoidant. I am Miss Avoidant America. I can tell you that avoiding the problem leaves uncovered scars that will reappear somewhere down the line and prevent you from truly moving on and going forward.
> 
> You need to ask what he wants and shut that down. You've moved on, hope he's doing well, yadda yadda yadda. Polite and courteous but also straight to the point unless you want to be known as Rebound Girl.
> 
> Just stick it to him, he's not worth anymore of your time.


----------



## truant

I agree with Cali and Shameful. Diplomatically shut him down. You shouldn't feel bad about it. It sounds like he's giving you nothing but negative feels. You're doing both of you a favor by ending it. That's something you should feel good about.


----------



## AussiePea

12 unanswered texts falls nicely into the "take a hint" reply zone.


----------



## calichick

So no one is in favor of my 'backburner' option?

:teeth

Ah yes, it is the true opportunist who realizes that everybody comes in handy at one point.

Heh *_*


----------



## McFly

lisbeth said:


> In the weeks since this guy's girlfriend split with him, he's texted me about twelve times unanswered.


I think you should put him on your blocked number list and forget he ever existed. Then move on to tea guy and don't look back.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

lisbeth said:


> In the weeks since this guy's girlfriend split with him, he's texted me about twelve times unanswered. All similar stuff. I'm not really sure what response he's hoping for. Small talk doesn't really feel natural given that 4+ months ago he gave me the most offhand and unceremonious brushoff, and we don't even live in the same city any more. What conversation is this supposed to be? What is there to say? What is the purpose here? Obviously he wants something (wanting something is the only reason to text), but what is there to possibly want if you don't live anywhere near each other? And we're not talking bus-journey distance here. The most obvious thing is readily available with other girls locally.
> 
> It just bugs me. A few weeks ago it really upset me and it was hard not to respond (out, damned feelings) but now it's easy not to reply - it just frustrates and perplexes me because I cannot figure out the agenda here. If I knew what this was about, I could either engage or tell him to **** off (except I wouldn't, because I've never said that to anyone in my life). Get him to leave me alone, anyway. But as it is, I don't know, and because I don't know, I can't act. I stay silent. I just receive the messages.
> 
> Also, not gonna lie, I don't even trust that he'd respond back if I responded. I think that sometimes boys resurface just to rattle you, to prove they can get a response, and once they've got that confirmation they'll just disappear. Wanting a reaction rather than a conversation. IDK. IDK. I just ****ing hate that I can spend so many months wishing I could talk to someone, and then when they talk to me I still basically can't talk to them. Nothing worse than someone not replying to your reply to them.
> 
> Oh, and unanswered-texts guy is the guy who looked for my phone in the rain, for the record.


If I were you, I wouldn't respond either. Stay strong lisbeth.

My take on why he keeps messaging: a mixture of pride, arrogance and vindictiveness. He's undoubtedly got the message by now that you don't want to talk to him, but like people who always have to have the last word in an argument. His ego won't let you get away with not responding. His though process:

_"Oh yeah? You think you can make me stop calling just by ignoring me, huh?"_

So he decides to send a bunch more texts, just to demonstrate that you can't "control" his actions by not responding.

Yeah I'm probably projecting, but it sounds like he's ****ing with you.


----------



## McFly

TicklemeRingo said:


> My take on why he keeps messaging: a mixture of pride, arrogance and vindictiveness. He's undoubtedly got the message by now that you don't want to talk to him, but like people who always have to have the last word in an argument. His ego won't let you get away with not responding.


I agree with ringo, he's taunting you and trying to get you all worked up so that you reply back with an emotional message. That's when he wins and you lose. He probably wouldn't even reply back.


----------



## haggybear

I'd have to impregnate a woman first, and that won't be happening anytime soon.


----------



## AussiePea

^^ Ok I admit I laughed hah.


----------



## Waifu

This went from how to get a boy to how to get rid of a boy.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

Lisbeth, I agree with everyone else. The 12 text a day guy sounds like a bad deal. Drop him, and go after hot tea guy.


----------



## Rixy

And thus, the legend of Hot Tea Guy was cemented into the history of SAS.


----------



## AussiePea

Shall we formally refer to him as HTG?


----------



## TicklemeRingo

AussiePea said:


> Shall we formally refer to him as HTG?


HTG it is.


----------



## AussiePea

From here on in I will imagine he looks like a young Lionel Richie. This makes me happy.


----------



## lisbeth

omg you guuuuuuys










(IS IT TEA YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. I'm cackling)


----------



## Milco

laysiaj said:


> Such a fan of this thread. Truly mesmerizing.


I find the thread saddening, in all honesty.
The assumptions, the judgements being made..
In my experience SAS is just not a the place to go for dating advice or support. I have trouble with these things myself, but reading threads like these isn't making it easier or giving me more hope.


----------



## Stilla

How do people get dates in school... I don't get it. Anyone care to explain that to me?


----------



## Milco

Stilla said:


> How do people get dates in school... I don't get it. Anyone care to explain that to me?


I once sat with the phone and a number ready for hours until I started crying and had to give up. Not my proudest moment.
Another time though, I sat for hours again, but finally managed to press "call". It wasn't an enjoyable experience at all, but I imagine that's the first step towards "dates" - whatever those might be.
(I should note though that my age in those two examples wasn't the same.)


----------



## lisbeth

Stilla said:


> How do people get dates in school... I don't get it. Anyone care to explain that to me?


I have managed it, but never without alcohol. I've met people through societies, but only actually managed to be brave enough to show any sign of interest in them several drinks in at a party I was invited to by another person from that society. Or on bar crawls. Or bumping into them by chance at unrelated club nights. Basically, alcohol. I can't talk to boys without it.


----------



## Stilla

@Milco but you've had to have gotten the phone numbers in the first place somehow, that in itself I'd say is an accomplishment. How did you go about doing that?
@lisbeth Fugg.  That's what I thought and I don't drink.


----------



## Milco

Stilla said:


> @*Milco* but you've had to have gotten the phone numbers in the first place somehow, that in itself I'd say is an accomplishment. How did you go about doing that?


They were listed in the class list :um
It was so we could call the others if we missed a class and had to hear what homework was assigned and such.
I think the few times I've asked somebody out in person have involved drinking as well and sitting at the same table talking for a while first. I can't just go over to somebody and ask.


----------



## crimeclub

Milco said:


> I find the thread saddening, in all honesty.
> The assumptions, the judgements being made..
> In my experience SAS is just not a the place to go for dating advice or support. I have trouble with these things myself, but reading threads like these isn't making it easier or giving me more hope.


At least from what I've seen it looks like the bickering happens when there's not much going on in the way of genuine advice seeking, but when someone actually talks about their dating situation and is curious then it gets back on track. Though I could be wrong, I don't follow this thread too often.

But regardless, when there are users with relatively controversial points of views posting on an advice-based thread you have to expect there to be a bit of checks and balances and debate.


----------



## probably offline

TicklemeRingo said:


> HTG it is.


this is the best thing I've ever seen


----------



## TicklemeRingo

probably offline said:


> this is the best thing I've ever seen


I saw some strange things while looking for that :um


----------



## probably offline

oh my god :lol


----------



## TicklemeRingo

^









lol
'kangaroo scrotum purses' are for sale in airports here. I have no idea why :?


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> Unless, UNLESS you want to keep him on the backburner like what I do with men I don't see a future with and just use and abuse.
> 
> I tend to have a very loose view of which men I keep in my life. I like to multi-task and friend zone a bunch of them since they tend to be useful at some point or another just to pass time/amuse my fancies etc
> 
> BUT, WARNING: these are men I don't give two sh*ts about and I'm assuming from your description above, you still have a little curiosity about you with regards to 'what could be' which in that case, probably will be more of a hindrance than anything since you don't have that emotional distance yet.
> 
> Ask yourself what you want to do and if you're completely and emotionally over this guy.
> 
> But yeh, TEA guy sounds quite promising.


Oh, Calichick. I am a maudlin dweeb who hasn't managed to sever one emotional attachment yet in her life. Including platonic ones. What you're talking about is far too advanced for me.

Also, like, we live literally like 200 miles apart at this point. I cannot see any usefulness or purpose. I keep in touch with friends who live the same distance away, but he is not my friend.

Hold fire on the 'promising'. :no I looked up HTG on Facebook today, and my crush abruptly sputtered and died. Crass jokes in statuses and a sleazy impression. I don't want to go near that.



TicklemeRingo said:


> If I were you, I wouldn't respond either. Stay strong lisbeth.
> 
> My take on why he keeps messaging: a mixture of pride, arrogance and vindictiveness. He's undoubtedly got the message by now that you don't want to talk to him, but like people who always have to have the last word in an argument. His ego won't let you get away with not responding. His though process:
> 
> _"Oh yeah? You think you can make me stop calling just by ignoring me, huh?"_
> 
> So he decides to send a bunch more texts, just to demonstrate that you can't "control" his actions by not responding.
> 
> Yeah I'm probably projecting, but it sounds like he's ****ing with you.





George McFly said:


> I agree with ringo, he's taunting you and trying to get you all worked up so that you reply back with an emotional message. That's when he wins and you lose. He probably wouldn't even reply back.


I think you're right. Pride, arrogance and vindictiveness sounds about right.

Also, I logged into Facebook after 3 months deactivated and, I don't know when, but at some point down the line... _12-texts phone-finder has deleted me._ Deleted me!










Please can we have a moment of silence for the mortal offence that this digital snub has caused me.
I'm shocked at my own pettiness that I even care, but let's be real, unfriending someone on Facebook carries a lot of weight these days. It's a statement of intent. So why delete a girl and then send her messages? Where's the logic?

IDK man, it's all very weird. I don't know what to make of it. I am a pathetic loser for even caring. I will probably just block him and be done with it. I mean, knowing myself I will continue to care, but at least I won't be given anything _new_ to stress myself out about, I'll just be mentally retreading the old stuff ad infinitum in solitary peace. Exactly as I would be doing anyway. Elephant never forgets, etc.

Screw this noise. Life is too short.






I have not met one nice man in the whole of 2014. I think 'the next one' is going to be study and my job and a Hermione Granger focus on my grades.


----------



## purechaos

If you are over 18, seek men not boys 
Focus on your path and you will cross paths... Bump into one another


----------



## calichick

Wow whole bunch of people derailing my thread

Plz get out if you don't have boy problems

Thnx

Some of us here (all 3 of us) are actually trying to land a man. K? so disrespectful

If this thread closes I swear on gweny's account I'm going to...

well @lisbeth can't say I'm surprised.

It's hard to find attractive men with substance these days.

Those damn bedroom eyes. Lol @ everyone using my catchphrase for the dude.


----------



## AussiePea

I'm so saddened by the latest in HTG, this was meant to become something dammit!! Thank the heavens for fb though, saves a lot of hassle.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> *Being extremely good looking really can be a major liability to your dating life, if you're looking for something beyond anything physical and with substance. I've dated a couple girls in the past that I'd say were legitimately beautiful, and it was HARD to look past the physical.*


Would you say there's anything the *woman* can do from her side that would help men to overcome the 'idolization' phase?

Do men really actually want to transgress past that at some point or another?

I've known a few relatives/family friends who dated attractive woman and they said there was too much "pressure" on them, and they ended up settling/opting for just average girls but who they were compatible with and whatnot.

I feel like sometimes men can't take all that pressure to live up to a certain standard with women they worship. They feel like the risk is too much to take, and they're living on "edge" being in this suspended state of tension 24/7. I feel like this somehow relates to the "Madonna-Wh*re" Complex by Freud.

Just had a pretty traumatic thing happen with a guy who liked me, and didn't receive the closure I needed before I left because he had basically shut down. Yet another emotional scar .


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> Hold fire on the 'promising'. :no I looked up HTG on Facebook today, and my crush abruptly sputtered and died. Crass jokes in statuses and a sleazy impression. I don't want to go near that.


I'm really sorry to hear that. I was feeling optimistic on your behalf. :|

Can we at least call him Weak Tea Guy now?



calichick said:


> Would you say there's anything the *woman* can do from her side that would help men to overcome the 'idolization' phase?
> 
> Do men really actually want to transgress past that at some point or another?
> 
> I've known a few relatives/family friends who dated attractive woman and they said there was too much "pressure" on them, and they ended up settling/opting for just average girls but who they were compatible with and whatnot.
> 
> I feel like sometimes men can't take all that pressure to live up to a certain standard with women they worship. They feel like the risk is too much to take, and they're living on "edge" being in this suspended state of tension 24/7. I feel like this somehow relates to the "Madonna-Wh*re" Complex by Freud.


This is something I really don't understand. Idolizing people based purely on the way that they look. I've certainly crushed hard on very attractive people, but I don't _get_ crushes on people until I get to know them, and by that time it's sort of hard to keep them on that pedestal. I don't really get strong feelings for someone unless I can relate to them as a person like myself. It seems so cold and abstract. How can it be "too much pressure" to want to care for someone you love? It's like there's no intimacy. Like it's a business arrangement or something. I understand why people are nervous around their boss, but not around their partner.



calichick said:


> Just had a pretty traumatic thing happen with a guy who liked me, and didn't receive the closure I needed before I left because he had basically shut down. Yet another emotional scar .


Sympathy hugs. Men are very good at the shutdown. It's pretty exasperating. Everyone seems to be having trouble with the mens today.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> .


I don't think your situation is what I was talking about in the post that excerpt came from, I was talking about an issue with the psychology of physical attraction, but if you're using words like 'worship' and 'idolize' then it sounds like you're talking about infatuation, the sparkler of relationship phenomenons; burns bright and intense for a while but eventually has no choice but to burn out.

As far as someone not feeling like they can live up to someone's physical standards leading to the relationship ending during a long-term relationship or marriage then that's probably an issue of irrational insecurity or the other person was openly (or subtly) expecting something that wasn't realistic of him. Looks become more common-place after a while, after having something great for a long time it has no choice but to eventually be somewhat taken for granted. I loved the hell out of my car and liked showing it off when I first got it, now it's just the car I take to work. Good looks can still cloud a guys judgment like in my other post but that's just psychological and females are subject to it too, but it won't keep life from hitting, reality setting in, and then the two people are going to _really_ get to know what kind of person the other one is, and more than likely neither will be worshipped after if you're both normal and healthy people.


----------



## calichick

Didn't you just say you drove a VW though

You'd be singing to a different tune if it were a Ferrari F430 in question.


I don't think you guys really understand what I'm going through.

Well why would you, this is SAS.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Didn't you just say you drove a VW though
> 
> You'd be singing to a different tune if it were a Ferrari F430 you're driving to work.
> 
> I don't think you guys really understand what I'm going through.
> 
> Well why would you, this is SAS.


And how long have you had it?

Whether you like it or not my description is just human nature and those are the steps relationships go through, including yours. That's not just my opinion or experience it's psychology.


----------



## calichick

Had what?

What are you talking about?

I can't progress towards THAT phase. I am stuck in the Madonna phase or as Freud would put it. I'm opening up, I'm transcending boundaries.

And yet I nearly made a man cry today. A grown man.

Situation is very exacerbating. 

Like with friend zone guy I've been talking about.

Situation took 2 years for him to make a move. I just want to become less intimidating to men.

It's taking an emotional toll on me, mentally, physically. I'm on this site more than ever, life gets lonely without intimacy and without being able to transgress past that phase.


----------



## crimeclub

I was asking about the car but it's not a big deal.

I thought you were shy, what are you doing that's intimidating men to the point of nearly crying?


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> well @*lisbeth* can't say I'm surprised.
> 
> It's hard to find attractive men with substance these days.
> 
> Those damn bedroom eyes. Lol @ everyone using my catchphrase for the dude.


Can I just say, I haven't met any* unattractive or average-looking guys with substance in 2014 either.

*(interested, available)

Though to be fair, I think only one unattractive guy has expressed interest in me anyway - and he was creepy. Before the SAS Anti-Creep-Shaming Brigade jumps on me and drags me to burn in misandrist hell, he was genuinely very creepy. Like sending me increasingly uncomfortable FB messages at 4am kind of creepy. And somehow I still managed to feel guilty about blocking him.

Also, stating I haven't met any 'with substance' seems very unfair. I've met intelligent guys and politically-minded guys and interesting guys out the wazoo. I'd say quite a few of 'em have had more substance than I have. They just haven't had the same priorities as me, i.e. only really looking for sex. Unsolicited dick pics, man. They don't make a girl want to go out for a drink with you.

IDK, maybe the last quarter of 2014 will be different. Who can say. Whatever. I fully expect to spend the next 12 months as single as the previous, and the previous before that. It's not a horrible thought. It hasn't killed me yet. Really I just need to make new friends, more than anything.


----------



## veron

Update on my situation with the work colleage: the other day he came up to me to ask something workwise, which surprised me, because I wasn't the best person to ask. There were people in the office who were more qualified for that subject than me, and he knew it. So I couldn't help wondering if he just wanted an excuse to talk to me or something... anyway, I got really nervous, started blushing (lol) and said something like "I dunno, I think you should ask..." so, yeah 

Oh, and I think my colleagues are starting to pick up on my crush. Whenever he's around I act like a bubbly little schoolgirl. One of them actually commented out loud, "gee, you seem to be in a really good mood right now," and he had this smile on his face that just said he knew something...

Aaaand today I made him a cup of coffee (I was making one for myself and asked if he wanted me to bring him one too). When I handed it to him, he thanked me and said I was "wonderful." It's amazing how one short sentence can make my day. I'm so lame, lol.


----------



## Rixy

So can this guy be called Hot Coffee Guy?

P.S: Good luck with it.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

This is just completely hypothetical/almost off topic but I think approaching people (for either gender) is hard because they might not tell you how they really feel. Like they might be too nice. When you're not very confident it's kind of a bad idea because you end up assuming they think you're creepy/weird even when they don't say that and actually-

On a less relationshipy note I think that's my problem with fear of rejection in general. Because most people are not direct, and don't say what they think/feel and everyone knows this, you just end up thinking about all the possibilities. The key I guess is to just not care, but that's easier said than done. 

It almost seems an impossibility how do I even began to stop caring? There are no steps! It's like some magical place 'not caring land' I have it with some things. I dress however I want and I give no ****s more or less what anyone thinks about that, I've dyed my hair all kinds of colours. I've even received criticism. But I think it's because I don't tie how I dress/do my hair into my identity. It's harder to separate other things I think.

It would be great if we lived in a world where everyone said what they thought, at least more or less. I mean it would really hurt, but I think it might be almost preferable to the current reality. 

I saw this thing on YouTube actually a while back called 'rejection therapy' where this person was going around trying to get rejected in all kinds of situations. I sort of feel like I should do that, to desensitise myself, but I can't bring myself to right now. I guess also because of my other fear - failure.


----------



## calichick

@crimeclub - Caring about myself more than I care about appeasing them, apparently. I'm beginning to discover the beauty is being so completely and utterly selfish about my own needs.

@lisbeth - Would you say your standards are too high when it comes to men?

Don't get me wrong, you're preaching to the choir, (except that my physical standards are more of a dealbreaker than anything). But I'm assuming that you're seeking the intellectual. The man who can knock you off your feet with his unexpected wisdom and sagesse and keep the mental turnstiles in your brain spinning.

Have you found it possible to just let go of some of those preconceived notions and enjoy their company?

As Ernest Hemingway says, _"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know" _

The more I'm going along this path of life and especially being in the midst of an emotional quarter life meltdown, and reading up on various self-help literature, the more I'm realizing the beauty in unadulterated, sheer ignorant bliss. I think that being too conscientious almost has it's drawbacks and for myself, I'm really trying to let go of that over analytical, almost calculating demeanor.

@veron - that is soooooo sweet. You are definitely going to be hooked up by EOY.

Why do I feel like this thread has almost become a race as to who can land a man first? :lol

Ah yes, the true nature of competition among women.


----------



## probably offline

Persephone The Dread said:


> This is just completely hypothetical/almost off topic but I think approaching people (for either gender) is hard because they might not tell you how they really feel. Like they might be too nice. When you're not very confident it's kind of a bad idea because you end up assuming they think you're creepy/weird even when they don't say that and actually-
> 
> On a less relationshipy note I think that's my problem with fear of rejection in general. Because most people are not direct, and don't say what they think/feel and everyone knows this, you just end up thinking about all the possibilities. The key I guess is to just not care, but that's easier said than done.
> 
> It almost seems an impossibility how do I even began to stop caring? There are no steps! It's like some magical place 'not caring land' I have it with some things. I dress however I want and I give no ****s more or less what anyone thinks about that, I've dyed my hair all kinds of colours. I've even received criticism. But I think it's because I don't tie how I dress/do my hair into my identity. It's harder to separate other things I think.
> 
> It would be great if we lived in a world where everyone said what they thought, at least more or less. I mean it would really hurt, but I think it might be almost preferable to the current reality.
> 
> *I saw this thing on YouTube actually a while back called 'rejection therapy' where this person was going around trying to get rejected in all kinds of situations. I sort of feel like I should do that, to desensitise myself, but I can't bring myself to right now. I guess also because of my other fear - failure.*


I think I should do this, too. Like you, I'm also very afraid of failure and rejection(so I avoid taking risks - especially with people). It's holding me back a lot in life, as I'm getting worse and worse with age. You also seem to be an "control freak", when it comes to other people's emotions, and that's probably why you can't deal with the uncertainty about what others might _actually_ think of you(sorry if I'm assuming too much). This combined with low self-esteem is a nightmare(I should know). It's not like you can live life knowing what other people feel in every situation. That wouldn't even be fun. "BUT WHAT [email protected]@@@" NO. Shut up(I'm talking to myself now).

I don't think I will start feeling any better about myself until I start taking chances, and perhaps failing miserably. I'm so unsatisfied with my life that it's *not even funny.* I don't want to be this person. I know that I have more to give and I'm just wasting myself. I'm literally wasting my life because of my avoidance.

/rambling sorry


----------



## veron

Rixy said:


> So can this guy be called Hot Coffee Guy?
> 
> P.S: Good luck with it.


Um, sure  And thank you.



calichick said:


> @veron - that is soooooo sweet. You are definitely going to be hooked up by EOY.


Hahaha, thank you


----------



## calichick

I'm so baffled as to the concept of rejection.

It seems so easy for me to read men (and women) that the idea of "does he like me, does he like me not" just doesn't phase into my mind.

It's men like that who can't read the fact that I'm giving them no positive signals who still happen to think it'd be a wise idea to approach that leave me confused.

You people need to get better at reading non verbal and verbal cues.

As I was telling another member on here, it drastically reduces the chances of the word "rejection" even coming into play.

If you're hellbent on cold approaching, well then, cheers!

Damn, if only I weren't a traditionalist and still believe that men should be the ones doing all the work, I'd be so much more satisfied in life. Their damn timeframes. Some of us just can't wait for him to grow a pair :lol


----------



## probably offline

calichick said:


> I'm so baffled as to the concept of rejection.
> 
> It seems so easy for me to read men (and women) that the idea of "does he like me, does he like me not" just doesn't phase into my mind.
> 
> It's men like that who can't read the fact that I'm giving them no positive signals who still happen to think it'd be a wise idea to approach that leave me confused.
> 
> You people need to get better at reading non verbal and verbal cues.


I have no problem reading signals, or knowing when someone is interested in me. That's not what I was talking about, at least. The fears I'm talking about are _completely irrational_ ones, that take place in my own head(usually while in a relationship but sometimes with new people). I doubt people becuase I "want" to doubt them, even though I have positive signals right in front of me. I'm a self-saboteur. It's that simple. Does this make sense? No. I can play "the game" if I want to, and I have before. These days I just can't deal with it, for many reasons.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

probably offline said:


> I think I should do this, too. Like you, I'm also very afraid of failure and rejection(so I avoid taking risks - especially with people). It's holding me back a lot in life, as I'm getting worse and worse with age. You also seem to be an "control freak", when it comes to other people's emotions, and that's probably why you can't deal with the uncertainty about what others might _actually_ think of you(sorry if I'm assuming too much). This combined with low self-esteem is a nightmare(I should know). It's not like you can live life knowing what other people feel in every situation. That wouldn't even be fun. "BUT WHAT [email protected]@@@" NO. Shut up(I'm talking to myself now).
> 
> I don't think I will start feeling any better about myself until I start taking chances, and perhaps failing miserably. I'm so unsatisfied with my life that it's *not even funny.* I don't want to be this person. I know that I have more to give and I'm just wasting myself. I'm literally wasting my life because of my avoidance.
> 
> /rambling sorry


Well I guess I generally assume people are annoyed/dislike me if they don't give an obvious sign of the fact that they do. Or that I seem weird/childish/inferior. There's a whole array of negative thoughts I assume other people are thinking in different situations. I read into all these 'signs' that aren't necessarily even there, which is problematic for obvious reasons.

I also really don't like the idea of people being unhappy with me most of the time. Somehow I need to get a more neutral mind state. Not the complete opposite where I think everyone loves me lol, but somewhere in between and also stop caring as much in general. Especially the latter, since the reason it's such a problem is I put so much weight into what people are thinking in the first place.

But I guess the control freak bit makes sense too, like I feel it's my job to regulate others emotions for them... I'm sure I know why I've developed that due to people in my life, but I won't go into it here.

This is especially ridiculous though when it's just someone working in say a shop. Even if I act a little odd, it's not going to be something they think about all day lol, and even if it is it shouldn't matter. >.< If I was the kind of person whose whole day would be ruined by someone seeming a bit off when they spoke to me briefly I wouldn't blame them, I'd blame my brain lol. But apparently logic doesn't help to regulate my emotions, at least not long term. :|

But I know how you feel, because I don't really take any risks anymore either. I hope you find a way to overcome your avoidance. :squeeze


----------



## calichick

I was more talking with regards to what PTD wrote about fear of rejection and not knowing what the other person is thinking.

It seems like your fear of rejection stems from not wanting to be hurt (again?) which is pretty similar to my emotional crises and aftermath of parental abandonment.

Self-sabotage. Now there's something I'm all too familiar with.


----------



## calichick

I guess we should differentiate here between fear of "rejection" and fear of "abandonment".

See rejection to me seems like something that's easily controllable.

Abandonment on the other hand is out of our hands. It's not something you can anticipate or foresee and you shouldn't have to.

But interesting post, was reading up on something on this PTSD website. Man, this resonates with me.



> I know I have abandonment issues. It tears me apart when people leave me, so I avoid having this happen at all costs. So how do I avoid having this happen? I gain "control" of the relationship and force people out of my life. That way, I avoid all possibility of "abandonment." In the end, I still end up alone, but somehow, having control of how I end up alone makes the difference. At least I like to tell myself this.
> 
> The instant that I feel someone pulling away in the least, I will force them out of my life. It doesn't matter the reason that the person is pulling away. It could be me, it could be something else. I always take the pulling away personally, as a reflection of something that I did. To be honest with you, logically I know that people can't pay attention to me 24/7 and it is natural to be close to someone and then for the distance to increase between the two of you. An ebb and flow situation if you will. Its just that when I get any sense that someone is going to pull away...or abandon me, I have to beat them to the punch and abandon them first. Even if they have no intention of abandoning me.
> 
> I've known for a while that I've had a problem, but its gotten really bad lately. I've been pushing everybody away. I'm even pushing my own sister out of my life. My sister for cripes sake! She's my family and would never abandon me! I know I can't go on like this. If I don't stop now, I am going to end up alone forever, and I don't want to be alone.
> 
> Yeah, it sounds kinda crazy, right? Someone with abandonment issues ends up abandoning everyone else to avoid abandonment? Say what?
> 
> I don't know if anyone else who has PTSD has abandonment issues, or if its related to being sexually abused, or where it comes from. Please help!


https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/abandonment-issues.7022/

anyone else experience this? I could have written this post word for word.

God, I need therapy.


----------



## probably offline

Persephone The Dread said:


> I also really don't like the idea of people being unhappy with me most of the time. Somehow I need to get a more neutral mind state. Not the complete opposite where I think everyone loves me lol, but somewhere in between and also stop caring as much in general. Especially the latter, since the reason it's such a problem is I put so much weight into what people are thinking in the first place.


Yeah. Maybe that will get easier if you allow yourself not to be perfect? It's an impossible task to please everybody, after all.



Persephone The Dread said:


> But I guess the control freak bit makes sense too, like I feel it's my job to regulate others emotions for them... I'm sure I know why I've developed that due to people in my life, but I won't go into it here.


I feel like this, too. This is why I get exhausted if I go out with a friend these days(I wasn't like this before). I feel like it's up to me to "entertain" them. I always have a head ache when I get home, because I've been tense all night, sometimes without noticing it.



calichick said:


> I was more talking with regards to what PTD wrote about fear of rejection and not knowing what the other person is thinking.
> 
> It seems like your fear of rejection stems from not wanting to be hurt (again?) which is pretty similar to my emotional crises and aftermath of parental abandonment.
> 
> Self-sabotage. Now there's something I'm all too familiar with.


Ah. I can relate to that too, though. But... only when it comes to literally not being able to know what another person is thinking for sure(which is impossible).

I've actually not been hurt by a guy(not badly, at least). I've had my share of childhood "trauma", though. A distant, manipulative and abusive father, for example. I know that those experiences has made me more suspicious towards the male kind, as a whole, but there are also other reasons for why I behave the way I do. I'm aware of some of the reasons.


----------



## blue2

Cerberus said:


> I'm unhappy with you, Persephone. Send me a pic of you frolicking with bunnies while naked. That will make me happy.


Ok ...(going to display my thoughts on this now via smiley like any well adjusted normal human).. here goes...:spit...I hope this impressed you


----------



## calichick

You know what's sad though, as I was reading Lisbeth's take on HTG's Facebook statuses, my standards in men is so ridiculously simple in comparison.

A man who can make me laugh and who is nice to look at.

Is it wrong that I'm not attracted to men who are _too_ intelligent? (Stick up their a** much, I can only imagine how the sex would be :yawn)

1) A guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.

Bam, done.

I die for humor - the more debase and crude the better.

:lol










(Excuse the random change of subject just thinking how lucky I am that I don't have to find a man who is TOO smart because lesbi honest, coming across one of those is a sure hell of a lot harder than finding a male model type haha)

No offense to the guys in topic


----------



## probably offline

[I missed this post]



calichick said:


> I guess we should differentiate here between fear of "rejection" and fear of "abandonment".
> 
> See rejection to me seems like something that's easily controllable.
> 
> Abandonment on the other hand is out of our hands. It's not something you can anticipate or foresee and you shouldn't have to.
> 
> But interesting post, was reading up on something on this PTSD website. Man, this resonates with me.
> 
> https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/abandonment-issues.7022/
> 
> anyone else experience this? I could have written this post word for word.
> 
> God, I need therapy.


That could have been written by me, too. I've done this _so_ many times(and I've gotten even worse lately). With new guys, I always behave in the same way as the author. The only difference is that I've managed to be in a long relationship(6 years), which ended a few years ago. But! I displayed similar behaviors while in that relationship, and took them out on my boyfriend now and again(or held it in).

I couldn't shake it even after 6 years. Can you imagine? And this was a guy who I loved, and who I _knew_ loved me. A great ****ing guy. I had no reason to doubt him, but I still pushed him away now and again, almost like a reflex. Or a test. I hate how manipulative I could be at times, now that I look back on it. Thankfully, I was sweet to him the rest of the time, and pretty fun to be around, if I may say so myself(I probably may not). I hope I didn't damage him.


----------



## Umpalumpa

probably offline said:


> [I missed this post]
> 
> That could have been written by me, too. I've done this _so_ many times(and I've gotten even worse lately). With new guys, I always behave in the same way as the author. The only difference is that I've managed to be in a long relationship(6 years), which ended a few years ago. But! I displayed similar behaviors while in that relationship, and took them out on my boyfriend now and again(or held it in).
> 
> I couldn't shake it even after 6 years. Can you imagine? And this was a guy who I loved, and who I _knew_ loved me. A great ****ing guy. I had no reason to doubt him, but I still pushed him away now and again, almost like a reflex. Or a test. I hate how manipulative I could be at times, now that I look back on it. Thankfully, I was sweet to him the rest of the time, and pretty fun to be around, if I may say so myself(I probably may not). I hope I didn't damage him.


I did notice some of your posts that you mentioned your ex, I really can relate to testing/pushing a person that you love, sadly I mostly end up beating my head for it, but hell, pushing in order to not get hurt makes sense to me, its a matter of realizing that its not THAT dangerous after all i guess.

P.S 
You really need to get over your ex, you mention him a lot here :b


----------



## probably offline

Umpalumpa said:


> I did notice some of your posts that you mentioned your ex, I really can relate to testing/pushing a person that you love, sadly I mostly end up beating my head for it, but hell, pushing in order to not get hurt makes sense to me, its a matter of realizing that its not THAT dangerous after all i guess.
> 
> P.S
> You really need to get over your ex, you mention him a lot here :b


I _am_ over him. He gets brought up because:

1. he's the last person I was in a relationship with, for a long time
2. it was an I'll-be-with-this-kid-until-I-die-sort-of-thing 
3. I miss him _as a friend_(a lot). He was my boyfriend _and_ best friend.

I've already had my chance to take him back, and I didn't.


----------



## lisbeth

calichick said:


> You know what's sad though, as I was reading Lisbeth's take on HTG's Facebook statuses, my standards in men is so ridiculously simple in comparison.
> 
> A man who can make me laugh and who is nice to look at.
> 
> Is it wrong that I'm not attracted to men who are _too_ intelligent? (Stick up their a** much, I can only imagine how the sex would be :yawn)


Ah, you're getting the wrong idea.

It's not that I judged HTG as insufficiently intelligent. It's that "woman-as-wet-hole" style-o'-humour doesn't really sit too neatly with me. I'll pass on being a wet hole, all considered.

Also cmon Cali. I know you have more standards than that.


----------



## AllToAll

I love the homance going on in this last page. :heart


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> I know you have more standards than that.


No...no, I really don't. lol

Do you know how hard it is already trying to find the type of man I'm interested in physically. That's like 99% of the effort already. :bah


----------



## lisbeth

@calichick you don't expect him to have, like, a job? Or be mostly nice to you? Or refrain from talking through the more exciting scenes in films?


----------



## Potato Girl

I don't really want a boy, I just want boys to want me tbh.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> @calichick you don't expect him to have, like, a job? *Or be mostly nice to you*? Or refrain from talking through the more exciting scenes in films?


the job and the salary and the physical aspects are separate.

If he makes me laugh, chances are that shows a lot about his personality. First, he doesn't take himself too seriously which means he's less prone to aggression and anger. Second, he likes to have fun in life. Third, I'm not going to bore my mind out spending time with him.

I despise boredom like the plague. I despise it in women, I despise it in men. I despise conventional, "nice" people.

I like to have fun, I like the adrenaline rush which comes with not knowing where life is going to take you. If I'm going at a steady pace, I start to get restless and create my own drama.

It's that thrill-seeking rush.

I'm going to quote Megan Fox on this one, _"I don't understand why people don`t have a f**king sense of humor. Always assume that I`m being sarcastic."_

All these less than impressive guys managing to land women like Megan Fox or Olivia Wilde, the humor aspect of it is the main reason. It detracts from other less than perfect qualifications :lol


----------



## gunner21

lisbeth said:


> @calichick you don't expect him to have, like, a job? Or be mostly nice to you? Or refrain from talking through the more exciting scenes in films?


forgot six pack.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> forgot six pack.


I thought that was pretty much implied with me.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

TicklemeRingo said:


> I saw some strange things while looking for that :um


Not quite literal.


----------



## QueenBee

*I'm doing absolutely nothing. I'm just receiving gifts*


----------



## lisbeth

QueenBee said:


> *I'm doing absolutely nothing. I'm just receiving gifts*


I want to receive gifts without doing anything too. Tell me your secrets.

Not to beat a dead horse, but my life is small and petty enough that small and petty things feel worth reporting, and SAS is the only place that would listen, so. I ran into HTG today and spoke to him and it solidified what I'd already come to suspect: he doesn't find me attractive in the slightest. He's nice but I could tell by his body language that I don't catch his interest physically at all. Probably because I am flat-chested and plain and look 12, but whatever. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

Like Dita Von Teese said:* "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."* Having said that, though, I feel like the slightly bruised and mouldy peach at the bottom of the fruit bowl that you plan to throw away but are a bit squeamish about touching. I am going to try to cbt-change that thought into "I am the unripe peach that isn't quite ready to be eaten yet, but will in time reach some palatable value".

While it doesn't bother me to think HTG in particular probably finds me unattractive, it does bother me that lately I feel like I am unattractive in general. Not really sure how much is stuff I can change and how much is stuff I'm stuck with, because it's hard to pinpoint exactly what is "wrong", I just have this overall feeling of wrongness. I feel dowdy. I need to bleach my teeth again and tone up through exercise but other than that I don't know what to do. And it's not like those individual things will make very much difference anyway. My face and overall body type is something I am stuck with.

@calichick, bless me with your wisdom.


----------



## tbyrfan

lisbeth said:


> I ran into HTG today and spoke to him and it solidified what I'd already come to suspect: he doesn't find me attractive in the slightest. He's nice but I could tell by his body language that I don't catch his interest physically at all. Probably because I am flat-chested and plain and look 12, but whatever. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.


Just curious, what made you think that? Like what body language did he use?


----------



## calichick

@lisbeth what's your routine ATM? What are you putting into your appearance?

The Cali regimen consists of

•Working out 7 days a week
•Purchasing an inordinate amount of clothes I can't afford and should be paying off my college loans with
•Bizarre makeuping rituals acquired through years of trial and error
•$250 salon visits
•Minimum of 4 hours on hair each week
•Adequate amount of Vitamin D intake for that golden glow
•Breaking my ankles over wearing heels with absolutely no purpose
•Weekly exfoliation 
•Adhering to a strict diet which allows junk food once every other month
•Possessing the raw self-confidence that would make any alpha male flee for the hills
•Supplements for skin, hair and nails
•Weekly hikes to give added definition
•Little bit of motivational music to get me in the mood
•And just a dash of b***tchy arrogance

Im afraid that English boys aren't ready for the ounce of maintenance which goes into making a woman. :lol

You know that look of fear in a man's eyes when he knows that the only thing he's going to get from you is a onceover? That's what we're aiming for most of the time. He can't go in thinking, I can have this girl is a heartbeat.


----------



## mezzoforte

lisbeth said:


> Not to beat a dead horse, but my life is small and petty enough that small and petty things feel worth reporting, and SAS is the only place that would listen, so. I ran into HTG today and spoke to him and it solidified what I'd already come to suspect: he doesn't find me attractive in the slightest. He's nice but I could tell by his body language that I don't catch his interest physically at all. Probably because I am flat-chested and plain and look 12, but whatever. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
> 
> Like Dita Von Teese said:* "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."* Having said that, though, I feel like the slightly bruised and mouldy peach at the bottom of the fruit bowl that you plan to throw away but are a bit squeamish about touching. I am going to try to cbt-change that thought into "I am the unripe peach that isn't quite ready to be eaten yet, but will in time reach some palatable value".
> 
> While it doesn't bother me to think HTG in particular probably finds me unattractive, it does bother me that lately I feel like I am unattractive in general. Not really sure how much is stuff I can change and how much is stuff I'm stuck with, because it's hard to pinpoint exactly what is "wrong", I just have this overall feeling of wrongness. I feel dowdy. I need to bleach my teeth again and tone up through exercise but other than that I don't know what to do. And it's not like those individual things will make very much difference anyway. My face and overall body type is something I am stuck with.
> 
> @calichick, bless me with your wisdom.


You're petite and sort of resemble Kaya Scodelario in the face, so I really doubt it's your looks that hold you back. You may think you look 12, but a lot of guys love short, thin girls. Especially older guys, I've noticed. And I don't think it's common for guys to be picky about boobs. Having a nice (not necessarily big) *** seems to be a lot more important. You could try wearing clothes that flatter your butt more. :b

Of course every guy won't be into your type and he could have been one of those guys, I guess. Hmm...I'm not saying I think you are, but do you think he could of thought you were boring? Or awkward? Something not looks-related?


----------



## veron

lisbeth, who's 'HTG'? 

Anyhow, Calichic I beg to differ but I think exercising 7 days a week in order to impress some dude is ridiculous - as are most things on that list, lol. I think that when you're single you shouldn't be putting too much effort into your appearance, unless you're going to keep that up. Because what if you two end up in a relationship, and then all of a sudden you stop exercising, dying your hair, and wearing makeup? He might feel like you've let yourself go. Not every guy wants a girl who's always dolled up and gorgeous. Being yourself is OK 

Update on my situation: still nothing with that work guy. There's another girl there who's single and our coworkers are always teasing him and her about hooking up... this hurts having to listen to  I guess he likes her? I don't know whether he's interested in her, or me, or us both, or maybe some third person outside work. This is starting to bug me. I wish I could just ask him or something and get some closure. I'd much prefer knowing he's not interested in me, than wondering what's going on. If I knew him from elsewhere I'd just ask, but him being a work colleague and all... we're a small company and everybody is friends, so if I said something it wouldn't stay between him and me. Everyone would know.

These days I can't stop thinking about my failed relationship, and my once again single status. My ex is someone who I know is not a good match for me, but on the other hand, there's that fear that I'll never find someone better. I'm so lonely. Today I actually texted my ex. I haven't contacted him since we broke up 3 months ago. Aaaand he hasn't replied yet. Maybe he's finally realized that he needs to let me go.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> *Not every guy wants a girl who's always dolled up and gorgeous. *Being yourself is OK


That "is" being myself. Yourself is what you _choose_ to be, what you choose _to do_. Yourself is not a big fat slob with unkept appearance.

I will be dolling myself up until the day my t*ts are in my shoes, don't cha worry about that lol

I genuinely enjoy and embrace every aspect of being a woman in taking meticulous pride in every portion of myself, not only physically but mentally as well.

Besides, the type of men I usually go for, appreciate a woman who looks after herself. (You get what you put out there. {calitip #87} My standards in men are ridiculously high and I'm not compromising, not now, not later) I've said this multiple times on this forum but there is absolutely no reason to let go of yourself after any point in time. Married or not. This is what differentiates the women in my family to many common middle-class American women. They think that after you have kids or after you tie the knot, it's OK to stop caring.

Nuh uh.
:no

This subject gets me so frustrated because I just don't understand some people's logic sometimes.  (Not you personally, but how this is a common attitude among women in general, that putting "too much effort" is somehow inconceivable) Modesty is a b****.


----------



## tb8900

calichick said:


> @lisbeth what's your routine ATM? What are you putting into your appearance?
> 
> The Cali regimen consists of
> 
> •Working out 7 days a week
> •Purchasing an inordinate amount of clothes I can't afford and should be paying off my college loans with
> •Bizarre makeuping rituals acquired through years of trial and error
> •$250 salon visits
> •Minimum of 4 hours on hair each week
> •Adequate amount of Vitamin D intake for that golden glow
> •Breaking my ankles over wearing heels with absolutely no purpose
> •Weekly exfoliation
> •Adhering to a strict diet which allows junk food once every other month
> •Possessing the raw self-confidence that would make any alpha male flee for the hills
> •Supplements for skin, hair and nails
> •Weekly hikes to give added definition
> •Little bit of motivational music to get me in the mood
> •And just a dash of b***tchy arrogance
> 
> Im afraid that English boys aren't ready for the ounce of maintenance which goes into making a woman. :lol
> 
> You know that look of fear in a man's eyes when he knows that the only thing he's going to get from you is a onceover? That's what we're aiming for most of the time. He can't go in thinking, I can have this girl is a heartbeat.


The kind of guy who wants this is probably not the kind worth keeping. But what do I know.


----------



## calichick

tb8900 said:


> The kind of guy *who wants this* is probably not the kind worth keeping. But what do I know.


*I *want that. By saying that the type of man who appreciates a woman for all the effort she puts in for herself and for him (because I'm not going to lie and be one of those girls who says she does everything for herself and for herself only, no I like to impress) makes him somehow less than worthy is saying that I'm not worthy myself.

I know what I have and I know what I want. It's that simple.


----------



## Dre12

I don't think that you can have SA and be 'alpha'.


----------



## Lone Drifter

65 pages in and not one woman has mentioned baiting men with bacon and cheese sandwiches? I'm disappointed in you ladies :no


----------



## Dre12

@calichick

Yeah so you don't have social anxiety then.


----------



## calichick

Back on topic though, I noticed that online dating wasn't mentioned much throughout this thread compared to What are you doing to get a Guy Part I.

I haven't dappled with OD for a good 3 or 4 years but thought I'd sneak a peak as to what has changed recently in terms of the standards of men. Any other females here doing it?

I forgot how addicting it can be. Getting guys at the click of a button (105 messages in 2 hours to be exact, it's _exhilarating_). Craigslist can be fun.



















Good portion of these guys probably only looking to get laid though.

Still doesn't detract from my appreciation for their random d*** and ab pics and cheap compliments. :lol



Dre12 said:


> @calichick
> 
> Yeah so you don't have social anxiety then.


It's improved dramatically over the years but in that lingering aftermath, I'm still quite introverted, just more cognizant of my surroundings.

Alright, I'm off.

BEHAVE yourselves.


----------



## lisbeth

Dre12 said:


> I don't think that you can have SA and be 'alpha'.


Agreed. Surely SA and being "alpha" are totally mutually exclusive.



veron said:


> lisbeth, who's 'HTG'?


"Hot Tea Guy", so nicknamed by some other posters a few pages back.



tbyrfan said:


> Just curious, what made you think that? Like what body language did he use?


Not really so much body language he used as body language he _didn't_ use. I can't really tell you... I picked up on the overall vibe without necessarily noticing the details and the 'whys'. I'm not really great with body language and tone and so on in general. IDK, he just seemed civil, but distant. It wasn't 'open' body language. I'm not good at describing this kind of thing.



mezzoforte said:


> You're petite and sort of resemble Kaya Scodelario in the face, so I really doubt it's your looks that hold you back. You may think you look 12, but a lot of guys love short, thin girls. Especially older guys, I've noticed. And I don't think it's common for guys to be picky about boobs. Having a nice (not necessarily big) *** seems to be a lot more important. You could try wearing clothes that flatter your butt more. :b
> 
> Of course every guy won't be into your type and he could have been one of those guys, I guess. Hmm...I'm not saying I think you are, but do you think he could of thought you were boring? Or awkward? Something not looks-related?


Thanks for being so kind, Mezzo. <3 I can only think the reason you associate me with Kaya is just because she's almost always been my avatar pic, though. I don't think I look at all like her (omg, that'd be a dream).

Yep, the posterior is definitely more important... and that's something I can (kind of) control. I need to start squatting up a storm. Though any time I've tried lately it's absolutely killed my knees - I think I'm doing something wrong. I'll join an exercise class sometime.

I wouldn't be surprised if he did think I was boring, tbh, though I think personality is a separate issue. Actually one I wanna open a discussion about.


----------



## lisbeth

Ladies, let's talk about introversion and shyness. Specifically, do you feel like it makes it hard for people to really get to know you beyond a certain level?

In my (limited) experience so far, I've noticed that extroverted/outgoing/confident guys can be quite attracted by girls who are the opposite. Some people find quietness intriguing, and shyness tends to get you read as 'innocent' (which is a problematic compliment from a feminist perspective, but that's another topic)... a surprising number of guys seem to be into 'shy and innocent'. Probably not for the right reasons, but whatever.

But I think once the novelty of that wears off, it causes a lot of problems. They want the cute timidity, but not the other aspects. I take a little while to open up, but other people don't seem to realise that what they see _at first_ isn't all that's there... like, they're not willing to be a little patient, and they're not willing to dig at all. I've been on too many dates where I haven't been asked one question about myself and the guy's talked about himself pretty much the entire time. Actually I can't remember the last time a guy asked me what I think about, or how I feel about something, or what my interests are. I feel like a mirror. It is true I don't tend to volunteer personal things that I'm not asked for, but is it wrong to hope to be asked? I feel like I'm being read as having nothing of substance to say. When I have tried to talk about my interests, sometimes I've just been hushed._ I_ know I have a brain and a personality, but they never seem to find that out. Maybe that's my own fault for being too closed-off. I don't know.

The last guy I had anything going on with... I could tell you all about his hobbies, his friends' personalities, his hometown, his mum's name, his sad childhood (pfft), his job, his degree course, his zodiac sign, his aspirations, his talents, his weird quirks, his pet dog, his past injuries, whatever. If you asked him about me, he could probably manage a couple of genres of music I like.

Stuff like that honestly makes me not miss the time when I was actually trying with guys. In retrospect it feels like a lot of effort for nothing. I mean, I won't lie and say I don't get lonely, but even when I had some prospects I felt lonely either way. On my side, it didn't really feel like company. Sometimes just made me feel more alienated than before.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> Ladies, let's talk about introversion and shyness. Specifically, do you feel like it makes it hard for people to really get to know you beyond a certain level?


I think a lot of the guys who are attracted to shy, introverted girls are attracted to them because they feel more secure in that kind of relationship. Not my cup of tea, personally. I'd rather date someone who says every crazy, stupid thing that pops into their head. Probably because it would make me feel less weird about being that way myself.

I think being too shy can absolutely be a barrier to forming deep relationships. People don't fall in love with people they don't know; they fall in love with people that make them feel something. If you never open up to people, you never give them a reason to care.

I generally move very quickly from superficial conversations to baring of souls if I have some level of trust with the person I'm talking to. But I don't wait for people to ask. I tell them things, even if they don't ask. And I ask them questions, especially if I think they're hiding something.

I don't like swimming in the shallow end if I'm interested in someone, and, fortunately, I rarely have trouble getting people to open up. But you have to have a certain level of confidence to do that. You have to be willing to face rejection. If you're too closed off, you're just a blank wall to people, and people don't fall in love with brick walls.


----------



## lisbeth

truant said:


> I think a lot of the guys who are attracted to shy, introverted girls are attracted to them because they feel more secure in that kind of relationship. Not my cup of tea, personally. I'd rather date someone who says every crazy, stupid thing that pops into their head. Probably because it would make me feel less weird about being that way myself.
> 
> I think being too shy can absolutely be a barrier to forming deep relationships. People don't fall in love with people they don't know; they fall in love with people that make them feel something. If you never open up to people, you never give them a reason to care.
> 
> I generally move very quickly from superficial conversations to baring of souls if I have some level of trust with the person I'm talking to. But I don't wait for people to ask. I tell them things, even if they don't ask. And I ask them questions, especially if I think they're hiding something.
> 
> I don't like swimming in the shallow end if I'm interested in someone, and, fortunately, I rarely have trouble getting people to open up. But you have to have a certain level of confidence to do that. You have to be willing to face rejection. If you're too closed off, you're just a blank wall to people, and people don't fall in love with brick walls.


In order to really open up and be 'real' with someone, you need two secure beliefs. Firstly, that your self is okay and acceptable. Secondly, that the world/people are mostly okay and mostly can be trusted. At the moment, I'm lacking in either.

I had a long post written here, but it was too heavy for this thread so I've deleted it. tl;dr:

I'm afraid of rejection, sure, but I'm more afraid of being attacked. I'm afraid that when I tell someone something personal they'll use it to hurt me. I'm afraid that admitting a vulnerability is just going to teach someone which sore spot to lash out at, and so on. And I'm also afraid of public humiliation and being socially ostracised because of someone's reaction to something I admitted. Unfortunately all these fears have been real at pretty recent points, so I can't dismiss them as anxious paranoia.

Also: how can I be honest and open with people when most of the very personal things are horrible? Mental illness being the worst and most obvious one.


----------



## Jesuszilla

truant said:


> I think being too shy can absolutely be a barrier to forming deep relationships. People don't fall in love with people they don't know; they fall in love with people that make them feel something. If you never open up to people, you never give them a reason to care.


I always assumed that shy girls (or people in general) slowly show their personality as they get to know their partner. So while they're with everyone else they can be pretty relaxed with their spouse.


----------



## Shameful

lisbeth said:


> The last guy I had anything going on with... I could tell you all about his hobbies, his friends' personalities, his hometown, his mum's name, his sad childhood (pfft), his job, his degree course, his zodiac sign, his aspirations, his talents, his weird quirks, his pet dog, his past injuries, whatever. If you asked him about me, he could probably manage a couple of genres of music I like.


Yes!

Ok, I should write more than that. There are times I've sat there planning out answers to questions that never get asked. I'm so ready to tell someone my whole life story but I fear that I'll seem self centered, and I need to be asked. Though, I don't know what I'd do if I was asked, but I can cross that bridge when I get to it.

I don't really know what to think of that though. When a guy tells me everything about him but never asks about me. Does he not care to get to know me because I'll not be staying in his life long? In that case, why share so much with me? Probably to make me comfortable I guess. So what to do about that, if instead of waiting to be asked I just fought my shyness and made him listen to what I want to say, will that change anything? Does the fact that I'm not sharing lead him to believe I'm not an interesting person worth his time, or has he already decided that and that's why he's not asking questions?

Forget about that though, I have these confession fantasies. I day dream about being able to just tell someone everything about me, but of course they're always interview style, with question-answer-question-answer. You know what, I think part of the issue is that I fear speaking to an uninterested audience. I'm so worried about baring my feelings and deep thoughts and having someone be just uninterested and bored. Maybe deep down I'm an attention *****, but that's how I feel, if someone isn't fascinated by what I have to say then I might as well not speak.

I think another aspect to this is that I'm not quick to understand and think through conversations. I think in a normal getting to know you situation, A will tell a story, B will comment on the story and then relate it to her own story, and then A will do that, on and on. A natural flow, and not an interrogation. I'm not fast like that, when I'm talking it's all I can do to be able to just say 'wow'. Later when I'm more comfortable and less anxious with someone, I get better at conversations, but few people get that far with me.


----------



## truant

lisbeth said:


> *In order to really open up and be 'real' with someone, you need two secure beliefs. Firstly, that your self is okay and acceptable. Secondly, that the world/people are mostly okay and mostly can be trusted.* At the moment, I'm lacking in either.
> 
> I had a long post written here, but it was too heavy for this thread so I've deleted it. tl;dr:
> 
> I'm afraid of rejection, sure, but I'm more afraid of being attacked. I'm afraid that when I tell someone something personal they'll use it to hurt me. I'm afraid that admitting a vulnerability is just going to teach someone which sore spot to lash out at, and so on. And I'm also afraid of public humiliation and being socially ostracised because of someone's reaction to something I admitted. Unfortunately all these fears have been real at pretty recent points, so I can't dismiss them as anxious paranoia.


I agree that you need to have the first belief, but I disagree that you need to have the second. What you need is enough strength to handle the consequences. I've been around long enough to know that some people are ****ty. People are animals. I don't go around petting strange dogs. I don't tell sketchy guys about my kinks. Stuff like that gets people like me stuffed into dumpsters. I've been attacked plenty of times, physically when I was in high school, and verbally and publicly since then, but I usually give as good as I get so I guess maybe it doesn't bother me as much.

_Some_ people can be trusted. Lots of people can be, in fact, though I wouldn't go so far as to say most. I think, in your case, since you've mentioned this before, your fear comes from not knowing _who_ can be trusted. You need some strategy for figuring people out. I think I do a lot of this subconsciously when I'm talking to people. Testing them. That's why I say weird s*** and ask personal questions. After a few hours, people either avoid me like the plague or I know I can trust them. And it's always a trade. Sharing works on the barter system. By the time I'm showing people the dark hole where my soul used to be I've already got so much dirt on them they think twice about crossing me.



lisbeth said:


> Also: how can I be honest and open with people when most of the very personal things are horrible? Mental illness being the worst and most obvious one.


Are they actually horrible, or are you just ashamed of them? You'd be surprised how many people think they have closets stuffed full of skeletons, but when you open the door nothing falls out but dirty laundry. Unless you've got actual bodies buried somewhere, I have a feeling all of those horrible things are no big deal to most people. I don't even consider my mental illnesses among my worst secrets.



Jesuszilla said:


> I always assumed that shy girls (or people in general) slowly show their personality as they get to know their partner. So while they're with everyone else they can be pretty relaxed with their spouse.


Yeah, sure, that's true in general. Lots of introverted people don't share much with their spouses, either. It's all a matter of degree.

I think that shy people still have a harder time getting into relationship, on average, than outgoing people. And I think a lot of it's because nobody really gets to know them. Some people find that intriguing, most people interpret it as a lack of interest or standoffishness. People can't read minds. They don't know how awesome you are if you don't tell them.


----------



## truant

Shameful said:


> Forget about that though, I have these confession fantasies. I day dream about being able to just tell someone everything about me


Tell me, Shameful. Completely confidential. Reasonable rates. If you can surprise me, I'll even give you a reward.


----------



## Barette

Thinking about male prospects I've had in my life is depressing. I can't wait to be 21.

That said, this isn't even about boys, it's just about LIFE. LIFE man LIFE. I need to talk to people. I have a class tonight and there's someone who talked to me the second night, then smiled at me the third (to whom I immediately frowned), and it's so pathetic that I can't even make small talk. There's a guy in there who seems so ****ing sweet and adorable (gay, so I won't even need to worry about being pretty or cute), who i want to talk to. He really seems like the nicest person to have ever been birthed on the earth. There's other nice people in there, too. I just need to TALK TO HUMANS. But humans are SO SCARY. I feel so inferior

hrlugherqlgiuhelrgh

I feel depressed too knowing that I used to have the # of someone who worked at a TV studio (major one!) in NYC who said to text him whenever I came in, and now it's definitely been MUCH too long to ever text, not that I even have the #. Just a reminder of a great opportunity coming along and me being a *****. Wah. Those are all my memories.

Wah.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Jesuszilla said:


> I always assumed that shy girls (or people in general) slowly show their personality as they get to know their partner. So while they're with everyone else they can be pretty relaxed with their spouse.


Some people, though I think this is more a trait of avpd, can actually become quieter/more reserved the more they get to know a person. So they could actually be more open with strangers because there is less emotional investment/expectations, and they've had less time to assume the other person is making certain judgements about them.

For me it's like this: person I'm very close to > strangers > anyone in between those points. But getting from stranger to very close to, rarely ever happens to me. I have my family, and then one friend now lol....

I even avoid going in the same shop more than a couple of times in a short space of time if it's a small shop where I know the same person is likely to be working again. This is an issue that permeates every area of my life...


----------



## Shameful

Persephone The Dread said:


> Some people, though I think this is more a trait of avpd, can actually become quieter/more reserved the more they get to know a person. So they could actually be more open with strangers because there is less emotional investment/expectations, and they've had less time to assume the other person is making certain judgements about them.


I would agree with this. I may be anxious and have difficulty conversing with a stranger, but the nights that I stay up thinking about and beating myself up for stupid things I said - that's with people whose opinions mattered to me.


----------



## crimeclub

Persephone The Dread said:


> I even avoid going in the same shop more than a couple of times in a short space of time if it's a small shop where I know the same person is likely to be working again. This is an issue that permeates every area of my life...


So true, when the employees of a place I frequent try to get chummy with me or try to be on a first name basis I tend to start avoiding them. What a horrible reaction.


----------



## Cerberus

^same


----------



## mezzoforte

Persephone The Dread said:


> I even avoid going in the same shop more than a couple of times in a short space of time if it's a small shop where I know the same person is likely to be working again. This is an issue that permeates every area of my life...


Lol! Yes!!!! Good to know I'm not the only person who does this. :clap


----------



## McFly

This is one of my favorite threads. Some very deep thinkers here. Thanks to those here that are opening up and sharing so much of yourselves.


----------



## calichick

Met a guy today.

Was feeling extra spiffy, wearing a knee length pencil skirt and a tight form fitting blouse/

As I was coming out of the bathroom, I pass the men's bathroom and see a man at the corner of my eye, say "hi" to him without looking because I was scared of him being a total knock out and much to my delight I hear a muffled "_wow_" as I go by. (Can I just say how much I appreciate straight men once again)

He stops me before I key in my office because he's on the other side of the floor, and strikes up a conversation with me, asks me what I'm doing here ever so indiscreetly about what my position is, how he works in financial sales. (huge financial institution)

Highlight of the day.

And I can see this thread is back on abstractionism and less actual pick-up game.

Get out there girls. There's a world full of men waiting at your doorsteps.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

I have the opportunity to meet up with my ex whos posted over in inverness (think loch ness, highlands) and has offered to pay for me to fly over.. only thing is though.. hes just split with his ex (they were engaged.) Im not even sure if anything would come out of meeting up with him, other than a week of partying with a bunch of squaddies... but still. I dont miss him as such, but ive always considered him to be like a best friend considering what weve been through in the past.

Am i lowering my standards by meeting up with him? (we were together for a few years)

Should i even care anymore?


----------



## calichick

^ why does that story remind me of Lisbeth's rebound story from a few pages ago. Y'all strapped for men over there on the other side of the Atlantic :lol

So, Calitip #99 : (should be pretty obvious)

DO NOT USE A GUY AS A WINGMAN.

DON'T BE SEEN WITH ANOTHER MAN IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO BE PICKED UP.

ANY scenario is better. ANY. Other scenario. Your sister, your mom, your bff, your granny. Loner all by your lonesome.

NOT another man.

I was having lunch today with a male acquaintance. Straight up heart to heart talk, this guy and I in a cafe, him directly across from me. Obviously, there were a TON of cute guys. Swarming with men. He put his jacket down across from me and went to order. In those 5 minutes, I had guys sit adjacent to me. Making eye contact, giving signals, all that jazz.

The moment he came back, gone. I was non existent to them.

Never even going to get checked out if you're with another guy. Men assume that's his territory and don't want to waste their time.

So not a good idea. I miss my girlfriends.

Friggin A. This whole be friends with men thing is so not worth it.

I'm literally asking myself why I'm trying so hard to befriend the D?

*DONT BEFRIEND THE D!* The D is meant for one thing and one thing only and if you're not attracted to that D, there's no use to keep it in your life! *gives new meaning to the term dead meat*


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick's status: Dating Coach


----------



## AussiePea

brb, telling my female friends that I'm holding them back and we must cut all ties.


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> calichick's status: Dating Coach


When in reality: hasn't had D in years, not looking to waste any more time, if we're being completely honest here :teeth

I'm D-eprived.



AussiePea said:


> brb, telling my female friends that I'm holding them back and we must cut all ties.


Aren't you single eh?


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> When in reality: hasn't had D in years, not looking to waste any more time, if we're being completely honest here :teeth


You make it sound like you can't step out the front door without a pack of wild D's hitting you in the face, so how are you not swatting away Ds left and right? A girl needs her vitamin D.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> When in reality: hasn't had D in years, not looking to waste any more time, if we're being completely honest here :teeth


Ohh . Too bad we're practically a country apart. We could've hooked up. Unless you don't date younger guys...I'm only 2 years younger though.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

crimeclub said:


> You make it sound like you can't step out the front door without a pack of wild D's hitting you in the face, so how are you not swatting away Ds left and right? A girl needs her vitamin D.


2,000mg a day at the very least.


----------



## calichick

crimeclub said:


> You make it sound like you can't step out the front door without a pack of wild D's hitting you in the face, so how are you not swatting away Ds left and right? A girl needs her vitamin D.


This is true stuff but I'm very selective about my D intake.

Sure, if I wanted any 'ol D, I could very well respond to one of those Craigslist guys and be laid in a heartbeat.

But I want the real D-eal.

The gran turismo of D's.


----------



## AussiePea

Bert Reynolds said:


> At least 2,000mm a day at the very least.


 FTFY


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> But I want the real D-eal.
> 
> The gran turismo of D's.


So reveal what the real D/gran turismo of D's is.


----------



## AussiePea

Bert Reynolds said:


> So reveal what the real D/gran turismo of D's is.


A D with a painted red stripe along the shaft.


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> This is true stuff but I'm very selective about my D intake.
> 
> Sure, if I wanted any 'ol D, I could very well respond to one of those Craigslist guys and be laid in a heartbeat.
> 
> But I want the real D-eal.
> 
> The gran turismo of D's.


Ah, makes sense.

Forecast for tomorrow: Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of D.










Alright I'm done.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

^ Hahha :lol


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> Ohh . Too bad we're practically a country apart. We could've hooked up. Unless you don't date younger guys...I'm only 2 years younger though.


Oh sweetie, I don't think you could handle a woman like me.

I pay my own bills and drive my own car after all :lol



Bert Reynolds said:


> So reveal what the real D/gran turismo of D's is.


Well let's start off by saying that it damn straight has a job.

You familiar?

None of this part time student, part time couch warmer bullsh*t, an actual job.

I want that D to be getting itself up at 6:00 am and driving itself to work and not relying on me or mommy. You catch my drift.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Oh sweetie, I don't think you could handle a woman like me.
> 
> I pay my own bills and drive my own car after all :lol
> 
> Well let's start off by saying that it damn straight has a job.
> 
> You familiar?
> 
> None of this part time student, part time couch warmer bullsh*t, an actual job.
> 
> I want that D to be getting itself up at 6:00 am and driving itself to work and not relying on me or mommy. You catch my drift.


Oh honeybunny, I think I could handle a woman like you. I have a few sisters who resemble a person much like yourself. On the latter assumption, it seems you're looking into far too much on the matter


----------



## calichick

calichick said:


> I want that D to be getting itself up at 6:00 am


Correction: I will take care of getting it _up_ at 6 am. :blush

That morning goodness tho



Bert Reynolds said:


> I have a few sisters who resemble a person much like yourself


Do me a favor, before you hit a woman with that pick up line,...might want to reconsider choice words.

:no

Sweetie....no, just no.


----------



## Barette

I went to a diner today and a guy who worked there was staring at me the entire time. Entire time. He was quite cute so I was flattered.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick said:


> Correction: I will take care of getting it _up_ at 6 am. :blush
> 
> That morning goodness tho
> 
> Do me a favor, before you hit a woman with that pick up line,...might want to reconsider choice words.
> 
> :no
> 
> Sweetie....no, just no.


I don't think that was a pick up line.


----------



## McFly

Barette said:


> I went to a diner today and a guy who worked there was *staring at me the entire time*. Entire time. He was quite cute so I was flattered.


I thought girls weren't into that


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> I don't think that was a pick up line.


I'm telling you

I'm not asking


----------



## AussiePea

George McFly said:


> I thought girls weren't into that


Nooooo all our hard work trying to let Cen know that this ISN'T the way to woo a woman!!!


----------



## Cerberus

Barette said:


> I went to a diner today and a guy who worked there was staring at me the entire time. Entire time. He was quite cute so I was flattered.


Was he behind a counter or something, and was his arm moving rapidly in a back-and-forth motion behind said counter?


----------



## dontwaitupforme

calichick said:


> ^ why does that story remind me of Lisbeth's rebound story from a few pages ago. Y'all strapped for men over there on the other side of the Atlantic :lol
> 
> So, Calitip #99 : (should be pretty obvious)
> 
> DO NOT USE A GUY AS A WINGMAN.
> 
> DON'T BE SEEN WITH ANOTHER MAN IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO BE PICKED UP.
> 
> ANY scenario is better. ANY. Other scenario. Your sister, your mom, your bff, your granny. Loner all by your lonesome.
> 
> NOT another man.
> 
> I was having lunch today with a male acquaintance. Straight up heart to heart talk, this guy and I in a cafe, him directly across from me. Obviously, there were a TON of cute guys. Swarming with men. He put his jacket down across from me and went to order. In those 5 minutes, I had guys sit adjacent to me. Making eye contact, giving signals, all that jazz.
> 
> The moment he came back, gone. I was non existent to them.
> 
> Never even going to get checked out if you're with another guy. Men assume that's his territory and don't want to waste their time.
> 
> So not a good idea. I miss my girlfriends.
> 
> Friggin A. This whole be friends with men thing is so not worth it.
> 
> I'm literally asking myself why I'm trying so hard to befriend the D?
> 
> *DONT BEFRIEND THE D!* The D is meant for one thing and one thing only and if you're not attracted to that D, there's no use to keep it in your life! *gives new meaning to the term dead meat*


Perhaps i enjoyed his nice paratrooper D, my love 

On a serious note though he treats me well and takes care of anything i need.. A trip away out of hospital. Cant beat it.


----------



## calichick

dontwaitupforme said:


> Perhaps i enjoyed his nice paratrooper D, my love
> 
> On a serious note though he treats me well and takes care of anything i need.. A trip away out of hospital. Cant beat it.


Well if he's paying...

That's my motto. If he's paying...

I'm imagining like a $1000 plane trip when in reality have no clue where you're at and probably only a $30 train ticket or something.

Is he expecting something in return or just wants company at the moment?

But boy, I like a man who knows where it's at.

I don't know how they do it over there but American guys always expecting sex after everything (sorry SA Goon gotta use your post as an example)

None of this I do this or you, expecting something in return bullcrap, real men are givers.



SA go0n said:


> So if some girl asked me to fix their car, it would be alright to ask if she could pay me in sex.


^best line of all 66 pages in here

Dude, you just held the door open for me! :lol


----------



## dontwaitupforme

calichick said:


> Well if he's paying...
> 
> None of this I do this or you, expecting something in return bullcrap, real men are givers.
> 
> This "SA goon" (oh calichick, you babe) gives kudos to. The loch ness is a very well to do area. If im going down on the down low. im expecting something nice in return.


----------



## calichick

dontwaitupforme said:


> If im going down on the down low. im expecting something nice in return.


Not gonna lie, I'm liking you a little bit.

Keep posting.


----------



## veron

So... I met with my ex the other day... he said that he still loves me and that he can't be with other women because of that. He also said that he doesn't want to be with me ever again. Yeah right, lol. I think he just wanted to give me a chance to ask him to come back. He's too proud to do the asking.

It was a sad afternoon. I was reminded all over again of why I loved him and why he's not a good match for me.

Winter is coming up and I don't want to be single again  Who's going to keep me warm?


----------



## crimeclub

veron said:


> It was a sad afternoon. I was reminded all over again of why I loved him and why *he's not a good match for me.*


End of story. I've been down this road a few times and it's never worth it. It sucks being single during winter and it's hard as hell to face this situation and just walk away staying single, but I think it will just prove to be a mistake if you give in to him when you already know you two are incompatible, even if it's just a temporary thing in your mind, that's just another break up you're going to have to go through in the very near future. Good luck with that though, it's tough.


----------



## veron

^Yeah, I know you're right. I guess there's that fear that I'll never find someone again that keeps me thinking about my ex. I'm over him - not in love or anything. I guess I just need to focus on the future and stop thinking about the past.

Anyhow, I got a compliment from a male colleague today that my new haircut looks very good. In fact, I've received a few compliments - and they all came from unavailable guys, lol. Why can't the one single guy at my workplace (who I also happen to have a crush on) pay any attention to me?


----------



## Rixy

veron said:


> ^Yeah, I know you're right. I guess there's that fear that I'll never find someone again that keeps me thinking about my ex. I'm over him - not in love or anything. I guess I just need to focus on the future and stop thinking about the past.
> 
> Anyhow, I got a compliment from a male colleague today that my new haircut looks very good. In fact, I've received a few compliments - and they all came from unavailable guys, lol.* Why can't the one single guy at my workplace (who I also happen to have a crush on) pay any attention to me?*


I don't really know a lot about this situation so I'll ask -

Do you approach him at all? Sometimes us guys feel we're annoying girls by talking to them.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

i went out for a date with a guy on pass today, we went out for a few drinks down the road and got pretty p*ssed. it wasnt supposed to be a date, but more of a meeting.. by the end of it we were kissing by the bus stop and taking of going travelling with each other.

only thing is, he is a _bad_ lad. any messing around with this guy and i dont know what hes capable of.. im smitten though. it was nice.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

dontwaitupforme said:


> i went out for a date with a guy on pass today, we went out for a few drinks down the road and got pretty p*ssed. it wasnt supposed to be a date, but more of a meeting.. by the end of it we were kissing by the bus stop and taking of going travelling with each other.
> 
> only thing is, he is a _bad_ lad. any messing around with this guy and i dont know what hes capable of.. im smitten though. it was nice.


what's wrong with this young laddy?


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Bert Reynolds said:


> what's wrong with this young laddy?


he has a bit of a "violent" past. not that this should bother me though, right?


----------



## Bert Reynolds

dontwaitupforme said:


> he has a bit of a "violent" past. not that this should bother me though, right?


It could work to your advantage if you're one who likes it rough.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

dontwaitupforme said:


> he has a bit of a "violent" past. not that this should bother me though, right?


I'm not sure if you're being serious, but it would definitely bother me.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Bert Reynolds said:


> It could work to your advantage if you're one who likes it rough.


Haha, ive never thought about it in that way. I'l be honest. Its a bit of a turn on.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm not sure if you're being serious, but it would definitely bother me.


Of course i am, i dont just mean by getting into fights and typical (grr, manly) petty things.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

dontwaitupforme said:


> Of course i am, i dont just mean by getting into fights and typical (grr, manly) petty things.


I'm not sure what you're getting at to be honest, so I'll just leave it there I guess.


----------



## Milco

dontwaitupforme said:


> Haha, ive never thought about it in that way. I'l be honest. Its a bit of a turn on.


I'm absolutely all for second chances and letting people get help to overcome personal flaws and live as normal lives as possible. Denying people with violent pasts to find jobs and find relationships wouldn't help reduce violence.
But I get pretty uncomfortable when violence and other negative behaviour like that is outright rewarded and socially encouraged.


----------



## Shameful

@Persephone The Dread how many men do meet on an average day/week/month? Is it possible you're more normal than you think and it's just a perceived scarcity that's making you obsess over the guys you are attracted to?


----------



## veron

Rixy said:


> Do you approach him at all? Sometimes us guys feel we're annoying girls by talking to them.


When me meet in the kitchen I usually ask him how he's doing, and we have a short chat... other than that, we haven't really talked.


----------



## calichick

I feel like living in suburbia has screwed over my love life.

I used to live in a city 1 mill + population and I was meeting single guys every day.

Now every man I meet is married :um I met a really chummy married guy yesterday who's willing to offer me this job that I'm a bit too under-qualified but it pays better than anything else I've had so far.

Anyways, I'm sick of single life.

Gonna go drown in my sorrows...



dontwaitupforme said:


> Haha, ive never thought about it in that way. I'l be honest. Its a bit of a turn on.


Just be careful that he doesn't get abusive with you hun.

Sure, there may seem like nothing hotter than a man who's dripping with testosterone but when he turns that on you the moment he doesn't get his way or gets jealous when you're talking to another guy..

Been there, done that.

Nice guys only, please.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

calichick said:


> *Just be careful that he doesn't get abusive with you hun.
> *
> Sure, there may seem like nothing hotter than a man who's dripping with testosterone but when he turns that on you when he doesn't get his way or gets jealous
> 
> Been there, done that.
> 
> Nice guys, please.


This.. good point calichick. For now all is good, but il admit this has crossed my mind.


----------



## Barette

To get a boy? I'm going out to bars and making eyes at tall older German men while I spill Mexican food on myself and stumble after 1/4 a margarita. Oh, youth!


----------



## veron

Yesterday night was interesting... I went to a bar with a few colleagues, including my boss. We talked about relationships. My boss said that the only way to meet somebody is at a nightclub. Apparently meeting guys elsewhere is impossible, not to mention how awkward it is for them to approach women on the street, or any place other than nightclubs. It's an interesting perspective, but I'm not exactly buying this advice. Also, when I told him that men rarely approach me, he said that I need to work on making eye contact and smiling at guys I find interesting.

Also yesterday, the colleague I like at work stared at me while walking through our office. I had my "moment of shyness" and just looked down at my desk.



calichick said:


> Now every man I meet is married :um
> 
> Anyways, I'm sick of single life.


Calichick, I feel ya. If we lived in the same city we could go man-hunting together


----------



## visualkeirockstar

calichick said:


> I feel like living in suburbia has screwed over my love life.
> 
> I used to live in a city 1 mill + population and I was meeting single guys every day.
> 
> Now every man I meet is married :um I met a really chummy married guy yesterday who's willing to offer me this job that I'm a bit too under-qualified but it pays better than anything else I've had so far.
> 
> Anyways, I'm sick of single life.
> 
> Gonna go drown in my sorrows...
> 
> Just be careful that he doesn't get abusive with you hun.
> 
> Sure, there may seem like nothing hotter than a man who's dripping with testosterone but when he turns that on you the moment he doesn't get his way or gets jealous when you're talking to another guy..
> 
> Been there, done that.
> 
> Nice guys only, please.


You mean only want buff guys only.


----------



## crimeclub

visualkeirockstar said:


> You mean only want buff guys only.


Are there no physically fit guys who are also nice?


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> the only way to meet somebody is at a nightclub.


I only know one couple who met at a nightclub.

Girl meets guy well above her level (think Melissa McCarthy vs. Male model), girl is persistent enough where guy agrees to give her his number, girl is 10 years older than guy, girl follows guy around that night jumping from club to club, 9 years later they have 2 kids and he is working in a hotel while she makes $250k+

Just thought that was an interesting story about a female underdog scoring well above her level. Persistence pays off sometimes.



visualkeirockstar said:


> You mean only want buff guys only.


Is there a problem with that or


----------



## lisbeth

I've been asked out by two guys in two days. Srs. I don't know what happened.


----------



## calichick

lisbeth said:


> I've been asked out by two guys in two days. Srs. I don't know what happened.


Nice Lisbeth.

Are these work pals? Any potential?










Edit: Feel like I've been in the 18+ subforum for too long, I've got D and ***shots on loop in my brain.


----------



## AussiePea

Damn, we peaked with HTG, now we may need to come up with more acronyms. (grats LBTH)


----------



## Shameful

Sexy fireman, such a cliche, but still, ♥_♥


----------



## veron

So my coworker was looking at me again today as he walked through my office. I don't know what possessed me, but for some reason I smiled at him - a full, teeth-showing smile. And he winked at me :mushy 

I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I'm sure he'll look at me again.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> So my coworker was looking at me again today as he walked through my office. I don't know what possessed me, but for some reason I smiled at him - a full, teeth-showing smile. And he winked at me :mushy
> 
> I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I'm sure he'll look at me again.


Wink? He wants the P!


----------



## veron

^Hahaha  Oh, I'd give that kiddo anything he wants.


----------



## Rixy

Is it possible to just stop and chat to him at all, Veron? Also, are you guys on facebook at all? Just keep trying to communicate, I guess. 

Dat winking doe. Sounds promising


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Isn't it kind of weird, and I'm not criticising just pointing it out, how the gender distribution in this thread is like 50/50 but the gender distribution in the 'what are you doing to get a girl' thread is like 90/10 (90 being male.)


----------



## seeking777

calichick said:


> I only know one couple who met at a nightclub.
> 
> Girl meets guy well above her level (think Melissa McCarthy vs. Male model), girl is persistent enough where guy agrees to give her his number, girl is 10 years older than guy, girl follows guy around that night jumping from club to club, 9 years later they have 2 kids and he is working in a hotel while she makes $250k+
> 
> Just thought that was an interesting story about a female underdog scoring well above her level. Persistence pays off sometimes.


Wait, WAT??? How...? I know I'm not in this conversation but that stuck out to me. So many contrasts. Interesting and ... weird.



lisbeth said:


> I've been asked out by two guys in two days. Srs. I don't know what happened.


Congrats girl, :clap. You must be doing something right.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> Isn't it kind of weird, and I'm not criticising just pointing it out, how the gender distribution in this thread is like 50/50 but the gender distribution in the 'what are you doing to get a girl' thread is like 90/10 (90 being male.)


We're fascinated by the idea that girls are actually doing something to try to get a guy, rather than just sitting around waiting.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cenarius said:


> We're fascinated by the idea that girls are actually doing something to try to get a guy, rather than just sitting around waiting.


I'm totally going to crash the other thread at some time, like an unwanted freak, but not right now.

If I had a job, was in a slightly better place, found more guys physically attractive without getting to know them first, and- yeah I'll stop here now that's enough ifs (there's more too.) I'd actually try approaching guys more. The only problem is, I'd prefer to get to know them naturally and cold approaching would never allow for that. I have no opportunity to get to know people now though anyway lol.

I think realistically the closest I could come to a cold approach with my current level of SA would be casually complimenting someone though. I have 0 'game' asking for some strangers phone number would be like 'lol no' for me.

Though I am curious about how it could potentially positively impact my mental state doing that. I mean taking the initiative. In a general sense I'm quite weak and pathetic currently. I mean, that's how I feel and also, completely out of control of myself. But on the other hand I take rejection badly/fear it so...


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cerberus said:


> Yoga pants. Wear them.


I'm probably going to pass on that unless the urge to do yoga suddenly strikes me.


----------



## calichick

seeking777 said:


> Wait, WAT??? How...? I know I'm not in this conversation but that stuck out to me. So many contrasts. Interesting and ... weird.


Yes, this is my absolute favorite story to tell because it so embodies the key idea of persistence which I've mentioned since the start of this thread, and not letting pride or fear get in the way of going after what you want (not only as applies to women, but both genders alike)

The woman is clearly not a looker. She's a 4, he's a 9.5. She's 10 years older than him. She gets paid more money. She's an executive, he's in hotel management.

_She_ approaches him in this crowded place, she eventually gets his number. She's basically rubbing his ego and figuratively speaking, sucking his d*** the whole while which is key towards getting any attractive person, just telling them what they want to hear and not being afraid to talk to them. It's the typical female dom/male sub situation we've got going here. I'd liken it to a "sugar momma" type situation, reversal of the usual gender roles.

There are a whole lot of submissive men out there who are just begging for a controlling woman in their lives whether they'd like to admit it or not.

Fear is what holds us back from achieving a lot of our goals. I'm beginning to get out of that mindset myself and be more proactive about going after what I want.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm totally going to crash the other thread at some time, like an unwanted freak, but not right now.
> 
> If I had a job, was in a slightly better place, found more guys physically attractive without getting to know them first, and- yeah I'll stop here now that's enough ifs (there's more too.) I'd actually try approaching guys more. The only problem is, I'd prefer to get to know them naturally and cold approaching would never allow for that. I have no opportunity to get to know people now though anyway lol.
> 
> I think realistically the closest I could come to a cold approach with my current level of SA would be casually complimenting someone though. I have 0 'game' asking for some strangers phone number would be like 'lol no' for me.
> 
> Though I am curious about how it could potentially positively impact my mental state doing that. I mean taking the initiative. In a general sense I'm quite weak and pathetic currently. I mean, that's how I feel and also, completely out of control of myself. But on the other hand I take rejection badly/fear it so...


What if you just went ahead and did it? No goal or result intended, just hit on a guy. If he says no, if he insults you, if you freeze and panic, doesn't matter, just say your lines and walk away. Do that a couple hundred times. Their strangers and you'll never see them again, go somewhere crowded, like spend a day just in london hitting on guys.


----------



## rymo

Persephone The Dread said:


> Isn't it kind of weird, and I'm not criticising just pointing it out, how the gender distribution in this thread is like 50/50 but the gender distribution in the 'what are you doing to get a girl' thread is like 90/10 (90 being male.)


You should be critical, because it's odd. Don't get me wrong, in one light I think it's great when guys and girls can have a civil conversation about this kind of thing, and I wouldn't mind at all if more girls chimed in on the other thread. But I notice that a decent number of the guys that post in this thread are either, A: the ones that complain about girls not taking the initiative and yet have little interest in doing it themselves. So...a little hypocritical, a little complain-y, not doing anything to make a positive change. Or B: guys who take calichick far too seriously and think she represents the SOLE female opinion and are threatened by it.

My suggestion to either group: stop wasting your time and/or grow a pair.

Like I said, some of the guys in this thread seem to offer genuine advice, and that's cool. But ultimately I feel that many guys both in and out of this thread would rather complain about society and women instead of at least _trying _to change their current situation for the better, and that's a bummer.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Cenarius said:


> What if you just went ahead and did it? No goal or result intended, just hit on a guy. If he says no, if he insults you, if you freeze and panic, doesn't matter, just say your lines and walk away. Do that a couple hundred times. Their strangers and you'll never see them again, go somewhere crowded, like spend a day just in london hitting on guys.


I'm not sure I'd be able to do that, sure it might help to desensitise myself a bit but I imagine talking to strangers in general might help with that and I'd find it too disingenuous to hit on random guys I have no interest in.

There are more problems with that too - if you're not selling something/collecting for charity that kind of thing is pretty weird here in the UK outside of rural areas. Moreso in London. People are busy, a bit grumpy, the only times in London I've started conversations have been waiting in queues for concerts (rarely done that too.)

Nobody really talks to people where I live, or in London, or probably any large towns/cities in the South East/East region. I've had homeless people start conversations with me further up North where I lived for a bit though, and also people in general are friendlier but I don't live there now. The same is true in the South West, but again, don't live there.  could take a walk into the countryside and say hi to everyone I pass before they say hi to me, I guess.


----------



## Cenarius

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm not sure I'd be able to do that, sure it might help to desensitise myself a bit but I imagine talking to strangers in general might help with that and I'd find it too disingenuous to hit on random guys I have no interest in.
> 
> There are more problems with that too - if you're not selling something/collecting for charity that kind of thing is pretty weird here in the UK outside of rural areas. Moreso in London. People are busy, a bit grumpy, the only times in London I've started conversations have been waiting in queues for concerts (rarely done that too.)
> 
> Nobody really talks to people where I live, or in London, or probably any large towns/cities in the South East/East region. I've had homeless people start conversations with me further up North where I lived for a bit though, and also people in general are friendlier but I don't live there now. The same is true in the South West, but again, don't live there.  could take a walk into the countryside and say hi to everyone I pass before they say hi to me, I guess.


That's too bad that you don't live somewhere where that's common. It is very good practice to get desensitized to it. At this point despite hand shaking levels of anxiety I can start a conversation with any woman on the street, in a store, etc. and get through a few lines of conversation, though not yet to where I can ask her for a number.


----------



## Frostbite

aborting all the girls till I get a boy, hopefully third times the charm


----------



## calichick

rymo said:


> she represents the SOLE female opinion and are threatened by it.


No, I think some of the guys on here honest to god get off on arguing with me because I'm immensely stubborn. I've been told by 3 different SAS members on here. Every time I'm having a debate with someone, no joke I'm imagining ferocious fapping on the other end.

But seriously, I'm not batting for the opposing team here.

This is what are you doing to get a guy, not how best to appease the male mindset.

It's called game. Not everyone has it. :stu


----------



## jsmith92

rymo said:


> You should be critical, because it's odd. Don't get me wrong, in one light I think it's great when guys and girls can have a civil conversation about this kind of thing, and I wouldn't mind at all if more girls chimed in on the other thread. But I notice that a decent number of the guys that post in this thread are either, A: the ones that complain about girls not taking the initiative and yet have little interest in doing it themselves. So...a little hypocritical, a little complain-y, not doing anything to make a positive change. Or B: guys who take calichick far too seriously and think she represents the SOLE female opinion and are threatened by it.
> 
> My suggestion to either group: stop wasting your time and/or grow a pair.
> 
> Like I said, some of the guys in this thread seem to offer genuine advice, and that's cool. But ultimately I feel that many guys both in and out of this thread would rather complain about society and women instead of at least _trying _to change their current situation for the better, and that's a bummer.


Throwing them bars dang bro. Lol


----------



## rymo

calichick said:


> No, I think some of the guys on here honest to god get off on arguing with me because I'm immensely stubborn. I've been told by 3 different SAS members on here. Every time I'm having a debate with someone, no joke I'm imagining ferocious fapping on the other end.
> 
> But seriously, I'm not batting for the opposing team here.
> 
> This is what are you doing to get a guy, not how best to appease the male mindset.
> 
> It's called game. Not everyone has it. :stu


We all fap in your honor, caliqueen. Guys and girls alike.


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> Every time I'm having a debate with someone, no joke I'm imagining ferocious fapping on the other end.


After that panty shot you better believe it.


----------



## calichick

rymo said:


> We all fap in your honor, caliqueen. Guys and girls alike.


Well that's sweet.










Now, when will the 18+ forum be back up. :teeth

Need...daily...dose...


----------



## McFly

Persephone The Dread said:


> Isn't it kind of weird, and I'm not criticising just pointing it out, how the gender distribution in this thread is like 50/50 but the gender distribution in the 'what are you doing to get a girl' thread is like 90/10 (90 being male.)


The guy thread is a bit of a sausagefest. Some of us need fresh air time to time.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> "Now, we're going to try some transference therapy. It will be a little bit different with you than with other clients though. I want you to imagine me as a father figure..."


 I feel like a normal girl would be offended by this, but that's kind of hot.


----------



## gunner21

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm totally going to crash the other thread at some time, like an unwanted freak, but not right now.
> 
> If I had a job, was in a slightly better place, found more guys physically attractive without getting to know them first, and- yeah I'll stop here now that's enough ifs (there's more too.) I'd actually try approaching guys more. The only problem is, I'd prefer to get to know them naturally and cold approaching would never allow for that. I have no opportunity to get to know people now though anyway lol.
> 
> I think realistically the closest I could come to a cold approach with my current level of SA would be casually complimenting someone though. I have 0 'game' asking for some strangers phone number would be like 'lol no' for me.
> 
> Though I am curious about how it could potentially positively impact my mental state doing that. I mean taking the initiative. In a general sense I'm quite weak and pathetic currently. I mean, that's how I feel and also, completely out of control of myself. But on the other hand I take rejection badly/fear it so...


I can totally relate. I'll share a story.

Three days ago, this absolutely gorgeous woman came to my work and I was tempted to flirt with her, but then I started overthinking. "Even if she responds positively to the flirting, then what, it's not going to lead anywhere. I'm broke, live with parents, have a ****ty job and no prospects for a good career. When she finds out all that, it's going to be a HUGE turn off. Meh, why bother".

I decided not to do anything and went about my day.


----------



## Cerberus

calichick said:


> I feel like a normal girl would be offended by this, but that's kind of hot.


Yeah, a normal girl would have punched me in the face by now. Good thing you're not a normal girl.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> Yeah, a normal girl would have punched me in the face by now. Good thing you're not a normal girl.


I'm the type of girl, who when you first wake up in the morning, would be hovering 2 inches from your boxers with expression as such










Get off my c***! :mum


----------



## veron

Rixy said:


> Is it possible to just stop and chat to him at all, Veron? Also, are you guys on facebook at all? Just keep trying to communicate, I guess.
> 
> Dat winking doe. Sounds promising


Unless I bump into him in the kitchen or in the hallway, not really... I did have small talk with him a handful of times but nothing meaningful happened.

He's on Facebook, I'm not (and have no intention to be, lol). At work we all communicate via IM. Sometimes I feel like sending him a meaningless (maybe even flirty) chat, but never did.

Oh, and he didn't really pay any attention to me today.

My ex has been paying me attention, though. He's still upset about what happened and wants an explanation from me. So I was thinking about our failed relationship today and I got so sad again. I really need a new guy in my life, so I can forget about my ex.


----------



## calichick

Cerberus said:


> You lost me.


And apparently, lost a little bit of myself as well since I'm just a "pretty package who's empty inside," right?


----------



## Cerberus

I didn't actually get to you, did I cali?


----------



## calichick

You can come at me all you want baby, it's music to my ears.


----------



## Milco

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm going to be alone forever thanks to my brain. And this is going to bother me... Also thanks to my brain.


Brains are awesome like that.

Reminds me of this scene from A Serious Man


----------



## lisbeth

AussiePea said:


> Damn, we peaked with HTG, now we may need to come up with more acronyms. (grats LBTH)





seeking777 said:


> Congrats girl, :clap. You must be doing something right.


Thanks folks!!!



calichick said:


> Nice Lisbeth.
> 
> Are these work pals? Any potential?


Nope on work pals and nope on potential. One is from my university and the other was at a party I went to. At the moment I'm ignoring both guys' messages from a combination of excessive anxiety (hellooo avoidance) and also I just lack much interest.

One is ten years older than me and yet has a child in secondary school. The other one is my age and seems like he might be nice, but idk, I don't really know anything about him. From what I can guess and assume about him I'd be surprised if we had much in common. He might well have a great personality (he seems fun and confident) and I should probably give him a chance and go and find out what he's like, but idk. I am really struggling to motivate myself even to text back.

I don't want to talk to this guy because it feels unpleasant. I was so collossally awkward when he tried to talk to me (I have to say 'tried', and it was multiple times, and I put my foot in it each time) at the party that I'm surprised he wasn't totally put off. And then even with technology I've been as awkward since. So now I've set that tone. I think it's partly my disinterest making me so anxious, because I just don't know how to behave/respond. Everything is stilted, nothing flows. I put off replying because if I reply once then they'll respond again and then I have to think of something _more_ to say and it's a struggle and with each message I feel more foolish and awkward. I'm going through the motions and it feels so forced and uncomfortable that I just want to cut off the conversation and save both of us the discomfort.

At the moment my attitude towards anything non-platonic is just:










Some switch has flicked in my brain because I've gone from feeling ambivalent towards the opposite sex to feeling totally reluctant. Just a couple of months ago I really wanted to meet someone as much as I feared it, and now I only fear it and almost feel repulsed by it. I can't handle that sort of stress right now. I've already filled my rejection quota for 2014. I have too many other things on my mind. I have too many worries and too much **** to get together. I'm just not open to it. I'd rather live out the rest of this year (and probably most of next) as a cat lady sans cats.

idk. I tried to explain it to someone the other day and they just called me weird and accused me of overcompartmentalising.



gunner21 said:


> I can totally relate. I'll share a story.
> 
> Three days ago, this absolutely gorgeous woman came to my work and I was tempted to flirt with her, but then I started overthinking. "Even if she responds positively to the flirting, then what, it's not going to lead anywhere. I'm broke, live with parents, have a ****ty job and no prospects for a good career. When she finds out all that, it's going to be a HUGE turn off. Meh, why bother".
> 
> I decided not to do anything and went about my day.


I feel like this too and constantly follow this exact line of thinking. There's this bit in _Clueless_ where Cher says about one of the other characters: "She's a total Monet. She looks good from far away, but up close, it's a big ol' mess."

It's like that with all this stuff. Even if you manage to get past the first hurdle then you run the risk of falling at the next, and the risk increases or doubles with every new hurdle because the person finds out more about you. Meanwhile as your risk of failing increases, the stakes of what you stand to lose are getting higher as you've invested more over time etc. Obviously that's going to be like that for everyone through life - you always run the risk of failing or losing - but when that risk is so high... it's really hard, most of the time, to think that the odds are even worth the effort before you sort your life out.

My SA is such that I can fake confidence sometimes and seem really normal... but I can't keep that up. It only works when you know people on a shallow level.



Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah, I have those problems (and they are bad) and then also: not attracted to many guys, don't meet guys anymore, can't get one guy properly out of my head because I'm actually insane apparently. No where _near _ physically attractive enough to balance out the crazy. As I say, I'm going to be alone forever thanks to my brain. Not even appearance as well, cause quite honestly, I'm not convinced Beyonce's body would balance out my brain right now.


Same.



Cenarius said:


> We're fascinated by the idea that girls are actually doing something to try to get a guy, rather than just sitting around waiting.


~*~waiting doesn't work~*~


----------



## razzleDazzle2150

nothing - nothing at the moment! I'm too busy
chasing dreams/money to give a damn 'bout men.


----------



## Fruitcake

How would you go about cold approaches if you just want someone to sleep with but you can't go to night clubs or bars? Like the only place I can think to try is the library if I'm sitting near someone or in the same section looking at books. It's creepy but I figure some percentage of guys would want to anyway and I don't know what else to do; I don't know enough people and I'm scared of going out in public alone except to the library and pet store. I don't want them to think I want a relationship but I don't want to be called a hooer either. But maybe I should just deal with those possibilities.

On a scale of smiling at someone to offering them a bj, how obvious would it be good to be, bearing in mind that I am desperate but don't want to come across as desperate? I prefer asking someone to hang out rather than asking them for their number because I haven't used the number line before, but I don't want them to think I want to hang out with them. I was thinking I would just try making a casual comment if I'm sitting at the same table as someone and see if they respond positively. Maybe I shouldn't actually ask anyone out but just flirt and see what happens. But it just seems like it's considered weird to chat to strangers here. I don't know though because I rarely go out or talk to anyone.

If picking up guys at the library is too weird where should I go? I thought of going to the park but there are too many buff people over there and I mostly want to talk to shy, awkward, or nerdy guys.

I'm afraid if I don't get laid soon I'll get to the point where I consider sleeping with people who are even more inappropriate than the people I've already slept with.


----------



## probably offline

Fruitcake said:


> If picking up guys at the library is too weird where should I go? I thought of going to the park but there are too many buff people over there and I mostly want to talk to shy, awkward, or nerdy guys.


Do you have a specific type of nerd in mind?


----------



## Fruitcake

probably offline said:


> Do you have a specific type of nerd in mind?


I forgot that people have different perceptions of nerdiness and I don't really know what I mean by it. I'd just want to be with someone who isn't highly confident or shallow, and who won't be overtly judgmental about me being weird or nervous. I would prefer people mature/nice enough to not be a dick about things.


----------



## probably offline

Fruitcake said:


> I forgot that people have different perceptions of nerdiness and I don't really know what I mean by it. I'd just want to be with someone who isn't highly confident or shallow, and who won't be overtly judgmental about me being weird or nervous. I would prefer people mature/nice enough to not be a dick about things.


Like Seymore in Ghost world, but younger and with a couple of cats?

Ps. I don't know where to find people. I was planning to give examples based on type of nerd, but it seems like you're talking more about the guy having a somewhat awkward and gentle personality. Maybe you could start volunteering at a cat shelter? You might just end up being hit on by a bunch of middle-aged crazy cat ladies, but you never know. Maybe there's a guy out there who's looking for the perfect cat-loving, nervous bird. He could be there waiting right now, covered in fluffy kittens and allergens.

edit: I forgot that you were just looking for sex. well... anyway.


----------



## lisbeth

Fruitcake said:


> How would you go about cold approaches if you just want someone to sleep with but you can't go to night clubs or bars? Like the only place I can think to try is the library if I'm sitting near someone or in the same section looking at books. It's creepy but I figure some percentage of guys would want to anyway and I don't know what else to do; I don't know enough people and I'm scared of going out in public alone except to the library and pet store. I don't want them to think I want a relationship but I don't want to be called a hooer either. But maybe I should just deal with those possibilities.
> 
> On a scale of smiling at someone to offering them a bj, how obvious would it be good to be, bearing in mind that I am desperate but don't want to come across as desperate? I prefer asking someone to hang out rather than asking them for their number because I haven't used the number line before, but I don't want them to think I want to hang out with them. I was thinking I would just try making a casual comment if I'm sitting at the same table as someone and see if they respond positively. Maybe I shouldn't actually ask anyone out but just flirt and see what happens. But it just seems like it's considered weird to chat to strangers here. I don't know though because I rarely go out or talk to anyone.
> 
> If picking up guys at the library is too weird where should I go? I thought of going to the park but there are too many buff people over there and I mostly want to talk to shy, awkward, or nerdy guys.
> 
> I'm afraid if I don't get laid soon I'll get to the point where I consider sleeping with people who are even more inappropriate than the people I've already slept with.


I think Tinder is usually what people use for that. I bet there are nerds on Tinder. Otherwise I think most online dating sites end up being used more for casual sex than relationships anyway, at least if my female friends' experiences are anything to go by.


----------



## Fruitcake

probably offline said:


> Like Seymore in Ghost world, but younger and with a couple of cats?
> 
> Ps. I don't know where to find people. I was planning to give examples based on type of nerd, but it seems like you're talking more about the guy having a somewhat awkward and gentle personality. Maybe you could start volunteering at a cat shelter? You might just end up being hit on by a bunch of middle-aged crazy cat ladies, but you never know. Maybe there's a guy out there who's looking for the perfect cat-loving, nervous bird. He could be there waiting right now, covered in fluffy kittens and allergens.
> 
> edit: I forgot that you were just looking for sex. well... anyway.


Haha I would want Seymour as is. I actually was volunteering at the cat shelter, they had an enormous ginger bunny too, but then I slept in twice in a row and I was too ashamed to go back for the next five years. I think I'll go back soon and see if they've filled my shift. To meet cats as well as dudes.
I'm too messed up for dating right now so I really hope I don't meet that guy because if I do I don't think I'll be able to resist it.



lisbeth said:


> I think Tinder is usually what people use for that. I bet there are nerds on Tinder. Otherwise I think most online dating sites end up being used more for casual sex than relationships anyway, at least if my female friends' experiences are anything to go by.


Oh man... I don't even know what Tinder is really and I think I'd be intimidated by the idea of anyone who signs up for that stuff. I will sign up and see how it is though. I would try online dating but online social stuff is so depressing for me + I went on okcupid a while ago and there were about five guys from my city and I knew two of them. e_e

If I can't decide on something I guess I'll just take my cat for bush walks and teach him to bind handsome strangers to me by running around us with his leash.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

probably offline said:


> like seymore in ghost world, but younger and with a couple of cats?
> 
> Ps. I don't know where to find people. I was planning to give examples based on type of nerd, but it seems like you're talking more about the guy having a somewhat awkward and gentle personality. Maybe you could start volunteering at a cat shelter? You might just end up being hit on by a bunch of middle-aged crazy cat ladies, but you never know. Maybe there's a guy out there who's looking for the perfect cat-loving, nervous bird. *he could be there waiting right now, covered in fluffy kittens and allergens.*
> 
> edit: I forgot that you were just looking for sex. Well... Anyway.


ಡ_ಡ


----------



## probably offline

Fruitcake said:


> Haha I would want Seymour as is. I actually was volunteering at the cat shelter, they had an enormous ginger bunny too, but then I slept in twice in a row and I was too ashamed to go back for the next five years. I think I'll go back soon and see if they've filled my shift. To meet cats as well as dudes.
> I'm too messed up for dating right now so I really hope I don't meet that guy because if I do I don't think I'll be able to resist it.


I misspelled Seymour :c

I also volunteered at a cat shelter a few years ago. I loved the cats, but the people were annoying. Also, since I'm a tiny bit allergic to cats, I ended up feeling like **** because I was surrounded by 80 cats and their fur and poop. So... I had to quit. They probably hated me because I didn't really talk to anyone except the cats. No cute guys, either.



Persephone The Dread said:


> ಡ_ಡ


Damn. I'm stealing that one ಡ_ಡ


----------



## Sacrieur

Did somebody say cats?


----------



## Shameful

Are you just looking for a one time thing? That's the easiest to get if you are. Tinder and other dating sites are full of people looking for sex but imo it can be hard to tell if someone really looks good from just a picture since they take the best pic they can in the most flattering light, you can't see them move or speak. 

"On a scale of smiling at someone to offering them a bj, how obvious would it be good to be" 
I'd start a conversation, and then make a sexual joke. If the guy's interested and not completely clueless, that should be enough to get him thinking you might be up for it and start trying.


----------



## Barette

@Fruitcake

A bookstore isn't a bad place to pickup men! I got hit on in a bookstore not too long ago, could've been picked up if I was interested! So it's not a totally unwelcome place for strangers to talk! And volunteering could be a good way to meet men too, I volunteered at a food bank a few months ago and a cute guy talked to me, so it's not unknown to hit on people there. Usually the guys aren't cute in my experience, but if there's an art or book volunteer thing you could do, then you might meet some cute nerdy and awkward guys who are also looking for a way out of the house to meet cute girls! Maybe there's a bookclub or BYOB painting class or something?


----------



## Fruitcake

probably offline said:


> I misspelled Seymour :c
> 
> I also volunteered at a cat shelter a few years ago. I loved the cats, but the people were annoying. Also, since I'm a tiny bit allergic to cats, I ended up feeling like **** because I was surrounded by 80 cats and their fur and poop. So... I had to quit. They probably hated me because I didn't really talk to anyone except the cats. No cute guys, either.


Wow 80 cats. eue My experience was similar, minus the allergies. There was a cat who escaped and then peed on me from above but I still went back the next week ready for reconciliatory cuddles. I was supposed to get picked up after my shift by a friend and she was two hours late. They had nothing for me to do but cut towels into rags, so I sat on the floor doing that robotically while looking scared in front of customers. Like the girl from The Ring, similar hair and mental state too. A kid tried to talk to me and I was like "hehe... uhhhhhhhhh" because I couldn't understand it. I think the embarrassment of all that was the reason I slept in the next time.

A couple of my old friends met guys at the SPCA though.



Shameful said:


> Are you just looking for a one time thing? That's the easiest to get if you are. Tinder and other dating sites are full of people looking for sex but imo it can be hard to tell if someone really looks good from just a picture since they take the best pic they can in the most flattering light, you can't see them move or speak.
> 
> "On a scale of smiling at someone to offering them a bj, how obvious would it be good to be"
> I'd start a conversation, and then make a sexual joke. If the guy's interested and not completely clueless, that should be enough to get him thinking you might be up for it and start trying.


Not really but I'd rather that than nothing. I don't really want to sleep with someone who sleeps around heaps so I would hope they would want to do it more than once. I think I will try to figure out how to get Tinder on PC if I realise that talking to people won't work or is too scary.

I will try that if I can think of one. I'm not practiced in sexual jokes irl so it could come off really awkward but I'm sure it'll already be awkward anyway. The guys I'm into usually are completely clueless so if they miss it I won't know whether to hint more or assume they're uninterested.

Ah ffs I tried looking on pof and as soon as I saw a guy who could type a sentence that made sense they forced me to sign up to view. Okay I'm going to have a look at this but wtf it scares me.

Oh god it let me view the profile and I already know that guy and was sorta interested in him last year and he's friends with my ex. Hahaha oh god. e_e

Okay my ex's other friend is on there too. =l It seems my ex has befriended every literate guy in the city. His title says "we'll lie and say we met at the library." Christ, he also has a pic of himself cuddling a cat.



Barette said:


> @Fruitcake
> 
> A bookstore isn't a bad place to pickup men! I got hit on in a bookstore not too long ago, could've been picked up if I was interested! So it's not a totally unwelcome place for strangers to talk! And volunteering could be a good way to meet men too, I volunteered at a food bank a few months ago and a cute guy talked to me, so it's not unknown to hit on people there. Usually the guys aren't cute in my experience, but if there's an art or book volunteer thing you could do, then you might meet some cute nerdy and awkward guys who are also looking for a way out of the house to meet cute girls! Maybe there's a bookclub or BYOB painting class or something?


Yay whew. It's much less common to cold approach here than in the US but I'm just going to deal with the chances of being judged I guess. Oh yes there is an artsy volunteer place I was thinking about going to. I will do that some time in the next few weeks too.  Also there are book clubs but I assumed they would be filled with ladies. I might go to the library when I know they are meeting and walk past to see.


----------



## calichick

*momentarily breaks from this crimeclub virtual reality drama*


I'm also really happy because the guy (found out he's an account executive) who stopped me on my way out of the bathroom at the the office last week saw me again today and had this big grin on his face. 

Comes back 5 minutes later to my desk, hands me his business card with his cell phone number written on it and says, call me. My female coworker kind of flinched though, she sits 5 feet away from me and I could tell it was a bit awkward for her. Like, he really couldn't wait until I was in the hallway to do that. I have a personal thing against men who ask girls out in front of other girls. I think it's uncourteous and insulting to the other woman.

You have to love them straight to the point guys though (yes crimeclub, you are included in this category)

He's kind of hot too, I'm not going to lie.

Pretty damn great day. A guy that I met last week on the job who asked for my number to stay in touch since he was leaving, also texted me today. Nice hearing from people you thought had written you off forever.

Also, ladies, you need to dress the part when you're getting dudes' numbers. Thats why I'm always including what I'm wearing in these seances. Just to give you a visual, pencil skirt, heels and sheer yoked top today.


----------



## Barette

I can't ****ing wait until I'm 21. Just 19 more days to go and I can FINALLY go to bars. I went to a town where there's a college filled with cute guys, and I made eyes at quite a few... But I get hit on by a middle aged guy who looks every bit his 40 something years, and then some, rather than some cute young thing in rolled up jeans and ray bans like I was hoping for.


----------



## veron

Way to go, cali 



calichick said:


> I have a personal thing against men who ask girls out in front of other girls. I think it's uncourteous and insulting to the other woman.


Why would it be? I would only consider it insensitive if the guy knew the other girl had a crush on him.



calichick said:


> Just to give you a visual, pencil skirt, heels and sheer yoked top today.


----------



## calichick

veron said:


> Why would it be? I would only consider it insensitive if the guy knew the other girl had a crush on him.


Well, I tend to think it's not quite professional to pick up a girl during work hours.

Yes, during your break, yes when you're not literally sitting at your desk doing your job, surrounded by other women, yes, at the water cooler- like your encounters in the kitchen. But it just puts all of us in an awkward situation. Especially when my boss is in the next cubicle and what's she going to think of a guy telling me to call him and dropping off his number? That I'm messing around and just picking up dudes on her dime? We're getting paid to work, not to socialize. It's just not professional. -_-

Besides that, I think my coworker took it personally because today she came dressed decked to the nines like she was going to an awards show. Lol

See we've all been in that situation before. I've been the observer too.

Men just don't take a lot of consideration into the fact that a lot of women are sensitive to not feeling "worthy" enough of being hit on or picked up when they single out a specific girl, especially when it's so blatantly obviously solely based on how the girl looks..

#SingleFemaleProblems


----------



## lisbeth

Another guy from uni asked for my # and suggested that we 'study together'... for a deadline that's over two months away. Little bit transparent there. But he isn't very interested because he hasn't texted me yet.

I haven't actually been trying to 'get a boy' but I have been trying to make friends and I can tell you that's exactly what has done it here. I've been talking to a lot of people. Unfortunately that's the most difficult thing for people with SA, but still... the two guys from my uni were people I'd talked to a couple of times before/after lectures and got coffee with between classes with other coursemates. So trying to seem open and nice and not be too quiet... apparently it works. I'm a horrible one for sticking by the sides of people I already know, but here I don't really know anyone and being a commuter I'm forced to head to cafes rather than retreat back to my accommodation for lunch, so... I'm forced out of my shell more. Hmm.

boys still scare me tho.


----------



## lisbeth

I really do find the whole thing so depressing and soul-destroying though. Particularly all the cheap flattery most men tend to come out with. It just feels really bad to hear. It's so insincere and it just feels gross. It really makes me want to just stop talking to someone when I hear that kind of thing, at this point.


----------



## AussiePea

What constitutes sincere flattery then? At the end of the day the guy meets someone he finds attractive and wishes to ask out on a date to get to know them better and to do so requires flirting and making it clear he wants to take it to the next level. It's an incredibly nerve racking and apprehensive situation to be in and the girl sure as hell isn't going to take the initiative to send things to a date and as a result you're probably going to get some pretty generic moves towards that initial goal. It's bloody hard trying to overcome that fear of rejection and coming up with something which will make you appealing enough to move it to the next step.


----------



## SoyUnPerdedor

Hey, he asked for your number while using reasoning other than "we should party sometime;" seems like he should probably be given just a tad more leeway with you in comparison to guys out there like the "thirsty college dude" type. (Not implying anything, just saying.) 
Just try not to be so quick to rule a potential friend/partner out by getting the 'Jumping to Conclusions' mat out. Once he hits you up, then you can feel him out a bit without having any expectations going in.

And as you stated - the deadline for your paper isn't for a long while. Maybe he truly does have the sincerest intentions on simply doing what he stated he'd like to do with you: study.

Chalk it up to late-night over-thinking, @lisbeth


----------



## Barette

AussiePea said:


> What constitutes sincere flattery then? At the end of the day the guy meets someone he finds attractive and wishes to ask out on a date to get to know them better and to do so requires flirting and making it clear he wants to take it to the next level. It's an incredibly nerve racking and apprehensive situation to be in and the girl sure as hell isn't going to take the initiative to send things to a date and as a result you're probably going to get some pretty generic moves towards that initial goal. It's bloody hard trying to overcome that fear of rejection and coming up with something which will make you appealing enough to move it to the next step.


Cheap vs. Sincere flattery from a guy isn't that hard to differentiate though. Not listening/letting you speak but telling you you're so funny and interesting ("you seem smart"---I literally hadn't been able to speak for like the entire interaction since he was showing off), just complimenting your appearance or making false comparisons ("i like Emma Stone, she's a cutie...







"---okay male I haven't spoken to) you know? Showing no interest and putting in no effort to finding out what your personality is like, but asking you out all the same. I've been asked out after being asked literally no questions, so the flattery is false. If they said "I'm hoping to **** you" THEN we'd know it's true flattery.

You can tell it's true flattery when they're actually drawing conclusions about WHO YOU ARE based off of THINGS THEY ASKED. Like, actually getting to know us. It's actually kinda rare, at least for SA girls where the only interactions we get from men are the ones trying to pick us up. When I put myself out there and talk to humans, it's not nearly as rare. But believe me there's a difference!


----------



## Alas Babylon

lisbeth said:


> Another guy from uni asked for my # and suggested that we 'study together'... for a deadline that's over two months away. Little bit transparent there. But he isn't very interested because he hasn't texted me yet.
> 
> I haven't actually been trying to 'get a boy' but I have been trying to make friends and I can tell you that's exactly what has done it here. I've been talking to a lot of people. Unfortunately that's the most difficult thing for people with SA, but still... the two guys from my uni were people I'd talked to a couple of times before/after lectures and got coffee with between classes with other coursemates. So trying to seem open and nice and not be too quiet... apparently it works. I'm a horrible one for sticking by the sides of people I already know, but here I don't really know anyone and being a commuter I'm forced to head to cafes rather than retreat back to my accommodation for lunch, so... I'm forced out of my shell more. Hmm.
> 
> boys still scare me tho.


To be honest, good plan man.

My SA has gotten a whole lot better since I started making a concerted effort to make new friends at my uni. Having a funner and nicer social life is probably the best thing to have less fear of social situations.

I'm not really scared of the opposite sex though, to be honest. I used to be, obviously, but having really close friends who are girls pretty much kills that fear quickly. You'll probably get a lot less nervous around guys.



Fruitcake said:


> How would you go about cold approaches if you just want someone to sleep with but you can't go to night clubs or bars? Like the only place I can think to try is the library if I'm sitting near someone or in the same section looking at books. It's creepy but I figure some percentage of guys would want to anyway and I don't know what else to do; I don't know enough people and I'm scared of going out in public alone except to the library and pet store. I don't want them to think I want a relationship but I don't want to be called a hooer either. But maybe I should just deal with those possibilities.
> 
> On a scale of smiling at someone to offering them a bj, how obvious would it be good to be, bearing in mind that I am desperate but don't want to come across as desperate? I prefer asking someone to hang out rather than asking them for their number because I haven't used the number line before, but I don't want them to think I want to hang out with them. I was thinking I would just try making a casual comment if I'm sitting at the same table as someone and see if they respond positively. Maybe I shouldn't actually ask anyone out but just flirt and see what happens. But it just seems like it's considered weird to chat to strangers here. I don't know though because I rarely go out or talk to anyone.
> 
> If picking up guys at the library is too weird where should I go? I thought of going to the park but there are too many buff people over there and I mostly want to talk to shy, awkward, or nerdy guys.
> 
> I'm afraid if I don't get laid soon I'll get to the point where I consider sleeping with people who are even more inappropriate than the people I've already slept with.


As an awkward nerdy guy myself, pretty much anywhere works. Library, bookshops, cafes, shops - the like. If you go to university though, it should be easy as anything, just join a club for your favourite shade of nerd.

Seriously though, guys are dorks. Just go up with a cringeworthy line and they'll be in for it. You ever seen gay guys hit on each other? That's what it looks like. Do you know how dorky that is? That's basically the best way to approach men. Being funny and direct is 10 times out of 10 the best way to get into a guys pants.

If you're going for shy guys though, loose sex might actually be harder to get than just a couple of dates or anything more. Typically speaking, reserved guys don't get much female attention, and are likely to misunderstand and think you want a relationship - and that's regardless of whatever signals you give. Be clear that you just want sex, because otherwise they're going to assume you want more.


----------



## calichick

Another guy from work just asked me out  Started out veering towards 5 am booty call, ended up leading to 30 minute conversation about life, work etc.

He's an arrogant one. 

I'm going to paste a text message later on because I'm quite confused by a few things.


...think I'm getting better and better at picking up men.

99.98% success rate. Lol



Interest level in arrogant guy: 6.5/10
Interest level in business card guy: 6.5/10
Interest in friend zone guy who resurfaced after 2 years: 1/10
Interest in another man I have my eye on at work (tall, dark & handsome): 8.5/10 -looking to pick up this guy in the next few days??? *secret weapon outfit needed* He's a cutie. We bumped into eachother in the hall yesterday and he gave me this really shy look, like I'm trying not to look at you but I see you. I love that look. :blush


----------



## veron

My interest level in the guy at work: 9/10. He's basically everything I want in a guy. Smoke-free, tattoo-free, smart, cute, polite, funny. I'm trying not to think about him, though. Ever since that swept-me-off-my-feet wink from the other day, he hasn't payed any attention to me :/ When our eyes did meet, he'd just look the other way. 

An interesting thing happened with another work colleague. He contacted me on a dating site, LOL. I didn't have my photo posted, so he didn't recognize me. And I didn't have a classic type of profile either; I said I was primarily looking for someone to have a kid with, because I want a kid and have no partner. He was very happy to offer his reproductive services. I didn't reply, lol. And I deleted my profile, as I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into single motherhood quite yet. 

I'm very surprised he opened an online dating profile. He seems, by far, to have the most active social life among my work colleagues. He's always talking about how he went clubbing or to some party; how he feels horrible because he only had 2 hours of sleep last night (due to partying). So yeah... I guess it's hard for most people to find an adequate partner.


----------



## calichick

^^Active social life /=/ getting laid on a regular basis

I'm guessing this guy overcompensates by putting himself out there more but his low success rate and general convenience when it comes to online dating in terms of getting sex explains some of it.

Some men use online dating as a game of how many chicks can I sleep with with exerting little to no effort on my part.

Also, that's so strange about that wink guy. 



I on the other hand, am discovering the beauty in the power of alcohol to free male inhibitions (and no, not cuz CrimeClub)

It is a truth serum. Really, really liking it's effects on the opposite sex. Especially the way guys act around me (like pansies basically), it's a refreshing dose of reality.

This is good stuff.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> ^^Active social life /=/ getting laid on a regular basis
> 
> I'm guessing this guy overcompensates by putting himself out there more but his low success rate and general convenience when it comes to online dating in terms of getting sex explains some of it.
> 
> Some men use online dating as a game of how many chicks can I sleep with with exerting little to no effort on my part.
> 
> Also, that's so strange about that wink guy.
> 
> I on the other hand, am discovering the beauty in the power of alcohol to free male inhibitions (and no, not cuz CrimeClub)
> 
> It is a truth serum. Really, really liking it's effects on the opposite sex. Especially the way guys act around me (like pansies basically), it's a refreshing dose of reality.
> 
> This is good stuff.


Yo calichick can you cook ...?


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> Yo calichick can you cook ...?


Yes, why?


----------



## Cenarius

calichick said:


> Yes, why?


Marry me:nw


----------



## crimeclub

Cenarius said:


> Marry me:nw


Let me guess, you just read her 'romance' post.


----------



## blue2

Cenarius said:


> Marry me:nw


First sensible thing you've said...


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> Keep working on that six pack hun


Your really looking for a guy that has a sixpack a personality and is circumcised, why do you keep coming here are you trying to motivate SAS'ers, or are SAS'ers the best guys you can find on the internet...?..I'm just saying cause you seem to know what you want...


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> Were you under the misconception that I'm on SAS looking for a husband?
> 
> :lol oh dear. Thought we already covered that one.


So your here looking for a husband now apparently.....and you covered what one...? :sus just forget I asked would be best...


----------



## Barette

Six pack and circumcision are def the two highest things on my list, too. I get that.


----------



## AussiePea

Damn my natural peen!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## blue2

Barette said:


> Six pack and circumcision are def the two highest things on my list, too. I get that.


:teeth ..I'm going to bed for sleep now good luck yaul


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Will you leave me a romantic VM tonight?
> 
> Pretty please :blush


I'm in the middle of some extremely _pressing_ matters tonight, but I'll see if I have time. *goes back to read the romance post again*


----------



## blue2

crimeclub said:


> I'm in the middle of some extremely _pressing_ matters tonight, but I'll see if I have time. *goes back to read the romance post again*


Just say something romantic this girl is crazy but shes also under the command of her most basic instincts t'would be a sin not to indulge her.:yes


----------



## AussiePea

Please let JT be Justin Timberlake


----------



## crimeclub

calichick said:


> Not gonna lie, this is true.
> 
> @crimeclub might I suggest you log off SAS if you're in an emergency?
> 
> Or don't. And keep rereading my post and touching your JT.
> 
> Whichever one you prefer.


No reading your post was the 'pressing' matter. Wordplay.


----------



## Mavrick

calichick said:


> Will you leave me a romantic VM tonight?
> 
> Pretty please :blush


No VM..


----------



## Barette

I went for a walk on the boardwalk near my house and a 6 year old boy told me he liked me. I've said I wanted a boy, but 6 is a bit too young, however cute he was haha. So far I get 6 year olds and 50 year olds, there must be something in between.


----------



## cocooned

This thread is pretty entertaining holy ****


----------



## diamondheart89

opcorn

I'm just here for the drama.


----------



## calichick

^ Yes, being single is definitely entertaining. I laugh myself to tears every night while watching reruns of Sex and the City and contemplating the age old question, how can I more effectively sabotage my relationships with the entire male gender? :lol


----------



## Aribeth

what is a VM


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

AussiePea said:


> What constitutes sincere flattery then? At the end of the day the guy meets someone he finds attractive and wishes to ask out on a date to get to know them better and to do so requires flirting and making it clear he wants to take it to the next level. It's an incredibly nerve racking and apprehensive situation to be in and the girl sure as hell isn't going to take the initiative to send things to a date and as a result you're probably going to get some pretty generic moves towards that initial goal. It's bloody hard trying to overcome that fear of rejection and coming up with something which will make you appealing enough to move it to the next step.


Damn straight.


----------



## lisbeth

AussiePea said:


> What constitutes sincere flattery then? At the end of the day the guy meets someone he finds attractive and wishes to ask out on a date to get to know them better and to do so requires flirting and making it clear he wants to take it to the next level. It's an incredibly nerve racking and apprehensive situation to be in and the girl sure as hell isn't going to take the initiative to send things to a date and as a result you're probably going to get some pretty generic moves towards that initial goal. It's bloody hard trying to overcome that fear of rejection and coming up with something which will make you appealing enough to move it to the next step.


There's no such thing as 'sincere flattery' - that's an oxymoron. A compliment can be sincere, but flattery is complimenting someone in order to get something you want from them. The intention is different. It's too much, over-the-top and usually untrue. They don't mean what they're saying, they're just saying it because they can. It's a quick, easy, minimal-effort way to get you to warm to someone you don't actually know all that well. Like creating a false kind of intimacy or something. Your brain goes "Wow! He said xyz! He must really like me!" and so you let your guard down. But he doesn't actually like you. He keeps laying it on thick, you start really liking him and caring, and then end up being totally blindsided when they're revealed not to give a ****.

I know what SAS is like so I feel like I have to brand this with a Not All Men™. I'm not trying to say that at all. I'm sure not even most men.

But it is a tactic of Some Men™. Honestly if you heard some of the things that have been said to me or saw some of the texts I've received, your hair would curl. Absolutely ridiculous stuff. For the most part I don't think it's the nerve-wracked guys you're talking about who do it, but I also don't think shy people are inherently nicer or more honest than outgoing people. Everybody on earth has the capacity to be awful.

Also, slightly off-topic but whatever - it's amazing how many guys claim to be shy who aren't really. Some people just use the whole Shy And Sensitive line in order to get you to let your guard down. That or mental health issues. Obviously for many (most) people it's true, but for some people it's a schtick. Like a faux show of vulnerability to create trust and get you to open up. Or, y'know, open up your blouse.

If I sound bitter it's because I am. But before anyone cries 'misandry!!!', I really don't hate men. Some of my best friends are men. I just think that the human race in general is kind of awful. My glaring trust issues don't discriminate and reach across the board.












Alas Babylon said:


> I'm not really scared of the opposite sex though, to be honest. I used to be, obviously, but having really close friends who are girls pretty much kills that fear quickly. You'll probably get a lot less nervous around guys.


I'm very comfortable around guys platonically. I think I might have more male friends than female. Not on purpose, it's just happened that way.

But romantically/sexually?


----------



## Conner

First i w'll know his charector then next otherwise...


----------



## calichick

So I just got a job at one of the most AWESOME companies ever. Steady paycheck means I'm back to man hunting. I haven't been properly out for about 6 months and been limited to meeting men at work.

My best friend (my only friend) is moving in town and we're going out tomorrow. I already have my outfit picked out, 4 inch f***ing hooker heels, cute little dress, my hair is looking great as of late.

It's going to be a scorcher this weekend. I'm excited :clap


----------



## gunner21

Must be nice and all to have options.



Barette said:


> Six pack and circumcision are def the two highest things on my list, too. I get that.


What's wrong with uncircumcised.


----------



## Barette

gunner21 said:


> Must be nice and all to have options.
> 
> What's wrong with uncircumcised.


Gunner, meet joke. Joke, this is Gunner.


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> Gunner, meet joke. Joke, this is Gunner.












u r 1 cheeky kent m8 i swer.


----------



## crimeclub

Now that cali is supposedly done with the site I wonder if this thread will survive.


----------



## calichick

Please don't say my name, thanks.


----------



## crimeclub




----------



## shyvr6

Some posts were deleted. Please keep your discussions about other members in PM and stay on topic. Thanks.


----------



## Darktower776

Aribeth said:


> what is a VM


Visitor message.


----------



## gunner21

Missed the drama. What happened?


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> What happened?


Well yesterday night, a guy invited me to watch a movie and go to his jacuzzi in his complex after, but I turned him down because he's one pompous, arrogant a**hole.

I think it's funny when I meet men and they think that assuming a dominant role has an instant panty dropper effect. It's fun sticking it to these douchebags.


----------



## iminnocentenough

Started wearing skirts and other girls stuff because I'm totally a girly girl.

US GIRLS, RIGHT?!


----------



## veron

Back on topic... I noticed that the guy I like says my name a lot. It's nice hearing my name. My ex didn't like my name and he very rarely used it. He'd call me on the phone and say "Hey, what's up." I wished that he'd use some kind of name for me, like a nickname he made up or something. But I never got a name from him. We were together for a year.


----------



## jsmith92

calichick said:


> Well yesterday night, a guy invited me to watch a movie and go to his jacuzzi in his complex after, but I turned him down because he's one pompous, arrogant a**hole.
> 
> I think it's funny when I meet men and they think that assuming a dominant role has an instant panty dropper effect. It's fun sticking it to these douchebags.


Good for you. As a shy unpopular guy, I hate seeing popular ******* guys having no trouble getting girls. A part of me wishes I had it as easy as they did but another part of me thinks how pathetic these girls who give in to this stuff are. I'm not a girl but it is interesting to see what girls with similar issues to what guys on this forum have to say.


----------



## estse

I'm fluffing, but he's getting bored.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

calichick said:


> Well yesterday night, a guy invited me to watch a movie and go to his jacuzzi in his complex after, but I turned him down because he's one pompous, arrogant a**hole.
> 
> I think it's funny when I meet men and they think that assuming a dominant role has an instant panty dropper effect. It's fun sticking it to these douchebags.


Is California really that rich?


----------



## calichick

lol I'm gone less than a week and one person is already banned and my thread is derailed. Calm down guys, I'm just tapering off SAS on workdays.

Anyways, it is *Hottie McHottie* central at my new workplace.

My first day on the job this week, I was nervous as f***, I'm sitting in the breakroom waiting for my supervisor to come get me, just staring blankly at the flatscreen TV on the wall when I hear a voice, "Are you actually watching that program?" (it was on NASCAR something or other).

I look up nonchalantly and there is the only exception to whitebread that I will ever find in this world. HOLY F****. Sparkling eyes, tall, with an accent, so charming without being too imposing. This had to be a scene out of a movie, it was too perfect. If only I could find out which floor this dude works on.

So he asks me what I do, blah blah blah, let's get to the good stuff, this guy has one of the _sexiest_ professions a guy can ever have. I'm not going to disclose it, but holy f***amoly. I'm so used to the good-looking men that I meet saying they have some two-bit, lowly blue collar job like construction or waiter or professional student or salesperson. Holy Crap is a good-looking man with a decent job hard to find.

That was within 30 minutes of being there. There's a few other potential big namers but not quite as good-looking. I find myself getting raptured in this older guy stuff again :cry

When will it ever end? The moment they say, "I'm a ______", or they have a big corner office and are in meetings all day and on important sounding phone calls or all the people my age are sucking their a**es just to get a good rep with them, I'm instantly intrigued, I perk up, my heart starts racing. It's like a competition, who can catch that guy's attention first.

_Status_. It's so important.

I'm pretty sure most of them are married though or eternal bachelors which is disheartening.



DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Is California really that rich?


Rich? Where did I mention anything about money?

That guy is flat broke. He's old news though, I was only entertaining that idea for a short time.


----------



## Cenarius

Glad you're back, it wasn't the same without you @calichick


----------



## calichick

damnit, I can't stop thinking about that guy.

He was incredibly, incredibly perfect. The universe has a way of showing you that there's a lot of eligible men out there if you put yourself out there more, giving you a small taste of it and then taking it back to make you work for it.

I was already imagining what our kids would look like, with his blue eyes and my light brown eyes, and my colorings and his colorings...

Please reunite us somehow, someway...I'm asking God, but I've asked God for a lot of things up until this point and I think I should just hang out at the place where we met..

but wow...this guy was stunning. Everything about him. I might just cry that I might never see him again...


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> damnit, I can't stop thinking about that guy.
> 
> He was incredibly, incredibly perfect. The universe has a way of showing you that there's a lot of eligible men out there if you put yourself out there more, giving you a small taste of it and then taking it back to make you work for it.
> 
> I was already imagining what our kids would look like, with his blue eyes and my light brown eyes, and my colorings and his colorings...
> 
> Please reunite us somehow, someway...I'm asking God, but I've asked God for a lot of things up until this point and I think I should just hang out at the place where we met..
> 
> but wow...this guy was stunning. Everything about him. Oh my...I might just cry that I might never see him again...


Your a bit intense do you think that might scare guys away....?


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> Your a bit intense do you think that might scare guys away....?


....Do you think I come across this way in real life? Hi, nice to meet you, I want your babies plz.

The word "nonchalant" above should have given you a hint as to what I'm like. Kind of aloof, easy-going, dare I say, "polite". Yes, I am even _nice_. Well, until the 6 month mark and then I turn into a b*tch. I have a way of deceiving people with this cheery persona and then I slowly start revealing parts of me which make them want to RUN FOR THE HILLS... :lol



orsomething said:


> @calichick what accent tho???


British...

He totally did not fit the stick up your a**, bad teeth, pale stereotype though.

He had a bit too much of that California sun I'm thinking...

They say when you really like a guy, you can't remember what he looks like, you only remember a feeling. A lot of 'quality' men don't approach me often so I get attached when it does happen.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> ....Do you think I come across this way in real life?
> 
> The word "nonchalant" above should have given you a hint as to what I'm like. Kind of aloof, easy-going, dare I say, "polite". Yes, I am even _nice_. Well, until the 6 month mark and then I turn into a b*tch. I have a way of deceiving people with this cheery persona and then I slowly start revealing parts of me which make them want to RUN FOR THE HILLS...or something. :lol


lmao your smart you use the sweetest bait then when they're hooked good you reel em in, but you gotta let them tire themselves out first or they'll get away....


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> you use the sweetest bait


Are you referring to sex?

Who do you take me for, some loose-y goosey with no self-esteem only using sex as a weapon of seduction?

Oh who am I kidding, yea that describes me perfectly. lol

Self-realization is a beautiful thing.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> Are you referring to sex?
> 
> Who do you take me for, some loose-y goosey with no self-esteem only using sex as a weapon of seduction?
> 
> Oh who am I kidding, yea that describes me perfectly. lol
> 
> Self-realization is a beautiful thing.


No why is everything about sex I was talking about the aloof easy going attitude plus being polite


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> No why is everything about sex


that's just the way the cookie crumbles sweetie pie.


----------



## seeking777

I know y'all are on another topic but just venting cus I want to. I'm talking to this guy and I thought he was interested in me. But every time I try to change the topic from serious stuff to something fun/flirty it seems like he ignores it. I wonder if I misinterpreted something or if I'm being friend zoned. Ugh, how did I let this happen??!!?! idk, he mentioned something about not liking flirting cuz he thinks it's cheesy or some crap like that. idk confused.


----------



## knightofdespair

orsomething said:


> @*calichick* what accent tho???
> 
> btw lovign that little girl all desperado w that cheesy size 72 drop shadowed papyrus typeface saved its hilarious


It was cheesy, but I hope it works out for her too


----------



## calichick

seeking777 said:


> I know y'all are on another topic but just venting cus I want to. I'm talking to this guy and I thought he was interested in me. But every time I try to change the topic from serious stuff to something fun/flirty it seems like he ignores it. I wonder if I misinterpreted something or if I'm being friend zoned. Ugh, how did I let this happen??!!?! idk, he mentioned something about not liking flirting cuz he thinks it's cheesy or some crap like that. idk confused.


That's what has happened with me and 2 guys in the past few months except reverse roles and I'm trying to steer the convo's away from anything which involves them getting the wrong idea about why I was talking to them in the first place.

It can happen to anybody, don't beat yourself up over it. I would say don't linger anymore on him though because it's an apparent red flag.

I have to turn the flirt switch off sometimes, lots of guys get the wrong impression.... just because I'm asking how your day is going somehow means I'm interested in going on a date with you.

It's super awkward when you don't reciprocate the sentiment and the guy is putting his heart on his sleeve and flailing when it comes to trying to impress you.

Honestly, I'm not even going to go there anymore. I'm not going to be friendly for the sake of being friendly, it's best to just knock someone down before you even give them false hope. This is my new thing. I've been really outspoken here about avoiding flat out rejection for the other person's sake and for the sake of sparing the rejector some inconvenience, but it's not benefiting anyone in the end, even for a few seconds of flattery and momentary distraction from the solitude of single life *=*

On that note, have a nice week everybody.

Off again trying to make a living... and hopefully find that stud somewhere in the building...

This thread is good life journaling for me.


----------



## ThatGuy11200

calichick said:


> That's what has happened with me and 2 guys in the past few months except reverse roles and I'm trying to steer the convo's away from anything which involves them getting the wrong idea about why I was talking to them in the first place.
> 
> It can happen to anybody, don't beat yourself up over it. I would say don't linger anymore on him though because it's an apparent red flag.
> 
> I have to turn the flirt switch off sometimes, lots of guys get the wrong impression.... just because I'm asking how your day is going somehow means I'm interested in going on a date with you.
> 
> It's super awkward when you don't reciprocate the sentiment and the guy is putting his heart on his sleeve and flailing when it comes to trying to impress you.
> 
> Honestly, I'm not even going to go there anymore. I'm not going to be friendly for the sake of being friendly, it's best to just knock someone down before you even give them false hope. This is my new thing. * I've been really outspoken here about avoiding flat out rejection for the other person's sake and for the sake of sparing the rejector some inconvenience*, but it's not benefiting anyone in the end, even for a few seconds of flattery and momentary distraction from the solitude of single life *=*
> 
> On that note, have a nice week everybody.
> 
> Off again trying to make a living... and hopefully find that stud somewhere in the building...
> 
> This thread is good life journaling for me.


In my experience, it's more inconvenient to not know, to keep on wondering and then to get a crush because I can't get them off my mind.


----------



## Dreamingdreams

nothing.


----------



## Slyshyguy

calichick your entertaining, how old are u?


----------



## blue2

Slyshyguy said:


> calichick your entertaining, how old are u?


Calichick is 91, shes a horny granny


----------



## calichick

Slyshyguy said:


> calichick your entertaining, how old are u?


Old enough to not mess around with losers anymore.

I got my eyes set on the prize, and the prize is good-looking, ambitious, kind-hearted, and has a stable career.

Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize.

_______________________________________________________________

Found out where all the hot guys gather at my work today, aka my new hang out spot.

This is a bit for my own personal purposes, just getting this all out there to reflect on what kind of men I've been meeting:

-There is this one guy, blonde, young, he's been giving me the eyes. Not feeling this one. Too blandish. But not unattractive, so I will possibly talk to him in the near future just to tickle my pickle.

-There's another guy who's half my height who I know I intimidate. Just by advancing towards him, he looks frightened like a ghost. I like to sometimes play with him in this respect and come up behind him as out of nowhere just to see the expression on his face. (no joke)

-There's a big boned guy who was checking me all up today, not feeling that one either. But it looks like he could be important or something or another since he never really gets work done and we all know the people who work the least get paid the big $$.

-Now, I was on my break today in the kitchen, right as I'm about to leave, I collide with tall, dark and handsome. Decent face, niice body, about 6'3, wearing a suit, spiffy dresser. And we all know how I feel about style. He looks straight into my eyes, I'm trying to get away as quickly as possible because he scared the sh*t out of me, he keeps looking in my eyes and doesn't budge for like 10 seconds and doesn't let me get around him. That was awkward as [email protected]#$! He looks a bit older though. I'm guessing early to mid 30s.

-And of course, there's the big boss. Not gonna lie, it's sexy as f***. Not him, _he's _not sexy, he's actually quite unappealing physically, but his position makes me salivate. Don't know what his situation is, if he's single, but eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize.

God, I love meeting new men. I still haven't forgotten about the other guy though from the first day. Me thinks that ship has sailed  I still have hope that I will bump into him again...



blue2 said:


> Calichick is 91, shes a horny granny


I'm damn sexy for 91 if I do say so myself. But yeah, I'm not going to deny, I'm quite horny. Why yesterday, there's this not so attractive older gentleman who sits in front of me. I was literally fantasizing about having sex with him. Just thinking about male touch and BJ's and such. I was wondering to myself if he could get it up for me since he's so anti-social and awkward and he's literally said 10 words to me in the 2 days I've been there.

Situation is not good, guys.


----------



## calichick

^ And I do realize we're on a social anxiety website but the dude just bothers me.

I mean when you're the only person who's around me and you're not gonna talk, my mind drifts to places unbeknownst to the sane, single female with decent standards to uphold. (Hence the BJ's and whatnot)

_
Dear Diary,

I talk too much._ Ok I'm out.


----------



## AllToAll

I went out this weekend and met a guy. Sorta. I was relatively drunk at this point, although not embarrassingly so, and danced with a British boy whom later asked for my facebook (I don't have a phone yet, so). He told me he wanted to show me around the city, but I'm not sure if that was Drunk Him talking. Should I message him and see what happens?


----------



## AussiePea

^^ sounds like you would enjoy exploring the city with him so definitely contact him! Opportunity to expand the social circles too.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> My outfit was so cute today though. This little pretty sweater. Sweater weather is sure looking up. It took me 35 minutes to pick out an outfit this morning, I was so late to work...when you have closets full of clothes and still have nothing to wear..
> 
> Time to throw away some more money on fashion..
> 
> I also came to the unsettling conclusion today that there aren't as many attractive men as I had previously thought. In fact it seems kind of mild in comparison to other places I've been...


These descriptions would be so much better with pictures.. This thread reads like a novel - you should go into writing? Who knows how many people read it regularly just to see what adventures are going on.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> These descriptions would be so much better with pictures.. This thread reads like a novel - you should go into writing? Who knows how many people read it regularly just to see what adventures are going on.


Aw that's sweet. I'm glad I haven't lost my literary style what with my job being so completely and utterly dull and depression taking it's toll on my mental health.

I considered for a second -yes a second- yesterday posting pictures but I'm honestly trying not to get too caught up in this site. Besides, I don't want to have to worry about people recognizing anything in real life. It's good mental release and that's it.

Let's hope that there's a happy ending to my story though... I've been having intrusive thoughts about doing un-Christianly things with married men again. Situation isn't looking good.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> Aw that's sweet. I'm glad I haven't lost my literary style what with my job being so completely and utterly dull and depression taking it's toll on my mental health.
> 
> I considered for a second -yes a second- yesterday posting pictures but I'm honestly trying not to get too caught up in this site. Besides, I don't want to have to worry about people recognizing anything in real life. It's good mental release and that's it.
> 
> Let's hope that there's a happy ending to my story though... I've been having intrusive thoughts about doing un-Christianly things with married men again. Situation isn't looking good.


Seems to be one of the more interesting threads on SAS.. If it included pictures or videos and custom layout it would probably draw even more.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Seems to be one of the more interesting threads on SAS.. If it included pictures or videos and custom layout it would probably draw even more.


What kind of videos are we talking about?

Part II: Calichick's naughty videos

Don't think that s*** is beneath me.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> What kind of videos are we talking about?
> 
> Part II: Calichick's naughty videos
> 
> Don't think that s*** is beneath me.


:um


----------



## Umpalumpa

knightofdespair said:


> :um


Poker face ha? :lol


----------



## knightofdespair

Umpalumpa said:


> Poker face ha? :lol


So many ways it could go


----------



## Umpalumpa

knightofdespair said:


> So many ways it could go


I think that this time you will have to be disapointed, no despair though my friend.


----------



## knightofdespair

Umpalumpa said:


> I think that this time you will have to be disapointed, no despair though my friend.


Well I was thinking more like a western themed 'sex in the city' but actually good instead of sucking.


----------



## lisbeth

Persephone The Dread said:


> I think I'm kind of done with guys actually.


Same. Completely, at the moment. My heart's too bruised, man.

Honestly though, I'd rather concentrate on getting my **** together. And doing something interesting.


----------



## veron

Update:

Guy at work - nothing. I rarely see him nowadays anyway. When we accidentally bump into each other in the hallway, he always smiles this big genuine smile, and says my name. Hasn't made any moves though and never will.

I met a really cute guy in my dance class. He's a bit taller than me, skinny, and has this beautiful face with green eyes. Reminds me a bit of Paul Walker, lol. We danced together... Our instructor was telling us that you should look your partner in the eyes when you dance. We tried but neither of us could do it without laughing. I think he might like me, I can sense something.


----------



## veron

5'9


----------



## Barette

^Oooooh.

About work guy: Work makes it a lot harder because sometimes people just like to flirt, and if you make a move then it's uncomfortable since you'll always see that person, but there's nothing wrong with the girl making a move! if you dig him maybe invite him out for a drink or something. For your dance class guy, same advice! A Paul Walker type... daaaaaang go for it.

Tomorrow I have my faaaavorite class and there's a kid in there that I'm totes in love with. Dark and broad and tattooed and I dig it. I have eye contact with him every class, sometimes he looks back and tries to catch my eye (okay, fine, only like twice) and tomorrow I totally have to talk to him. Another guy who's always in my school's art studio talked to me too when I was painting before class one time, but I'm not digging him too much. I totally dig this other dude though. Swarthy little stud muffin.

I just had lunch with the nicest guy and that makes me feel nice, it was over a professional kind of basis, but I want to text this person to make a friendship or something because I just genuinely liked his vibe and aura and genuinely would like to hang out sometime, but he's older and would probably think I'm being a brown-nosing little child. But I'll seeeeee if I get brave enough. I liked him though, he was cute and kind and smart and we had a lot in common. Not just in terms of hobbies or w/e, which we do as well (both love film and reading) but like in terms of _life_ man, _life_.

the other day a coffee shop barista started a conversation with me and introduced himself, I was tired and not sure what was happening (he's just a friendly human being or was interested) so I was kinda stand-offish, but damn this little lady is getting attention lately.


----------



## veron

Hehe, we'll see how it goes with the dance class guy. He seems a bit shy, and I tend to get along better with talkative guys. Same goes for the work guy. I realized recently that I have a hard time understanding what he says, and usually respond with "what was that?" when he says something to me :/ Other people don't seem to have issues with understanding him. I don't think we'd make a good match after all, lol.

Good luck with the tattoo guy, let us know how it goes 

Btw it seems like the poster who posted in between my last two posts deleted his post, making my second one have no sense now :um


----------



## calichick

There are.so.many.hot.guys.at.my.work.

God bless America. I turn left, hot guy, I turn right, oh another hot guy, I turn around, oh why hello HOT A** Mo'fo's bumping into me left and right. And this isn't the borderline whitebread hot. This is 6'4, dark haired, swarthy, sexy as hell with a good job to boot kind of swag.

How the f*** is a girl supposed to choose? I just want them all, I'm non discriminate.

I guess this is where those little things called "personality" and "chemistry" come in but honestly, sh*t they're all good enough to eat, I can't even pay attention to anything they're saying.

*in hot guy heaven*

This is where I've always longed to be.

P.S. Happy Halloween


----------



## Fruitcake

I'm practicing interacting with boys lately because I went to the library to pick up a bunch of them and I couldn't even make eye contact let alone speak to one long enough to bargain with it. I need like a ten week intensive boy interaction training program. I think I'll make one and be my own motivational coach. This is going to be great.

My first practice interaction with a boy did not go very well. He was a boy I first saw upstairs at work a few weeks ago. He turned around and gave me this huge, genuinely friendly smile that just screamed "I haven't been laid in at least a month and you look like a potential candidate". I know that smile when I see it because I do it whenever I see myself in the mirror. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans - I love it when they do that. I was taken aback and attempted a small smile, but my nervous attempts at smiles tend to make me look like I'm seriously contemplating self-defenestration. I told myself it's okay, I'll just say "hi" real friendlyish next time I see him.

Unfortunately, when I saw him a week later, I was already flustered by some customers who expected me to converse with them in Thai. I courageously attempted to say "hey" anyway. Halfway through though, I realised that he had already given up on me and had turned back to what he was doing without smiling. So all I got out was an enthusiastic "HE" before I awkwardly stopped. On my way back, determined to make something happen, I tried to make eye contact. Halfway through _that_, the negative part of my brain was like "nooo, eyes on the floor Anna" which would have been fine if the positive part wasn't still going "look at the boy Anna" so my eyes ended up settling on his dick. Which always happens to me, seriously. But I guess it can be a blessing as well as a curse.

Later on while thinking about how awkward I had been, I saw him again and managed to walk quite normally right up until I was beside him, and that's when I tripped over my enormous work boot, which was inconveniently located on my foot right where I was trying to walk. And so our brief fling ended.

My other practice interaction for the month took a lot of preparation. I did my hair and makeup for hours every time I went to my new job and wore my tightest clothes. I did that like five days in a row. And each time there was nothing to scan that required my target's assistance, so I didn't see him. I wanted help with the scanning so bad so he could see my beautiful lacy tops and soft flowing hair. Every time I didn't get to ask him for help was another wasted sexy outfit that I couldn't wear next time, because the fashionable receptionists would never accept me if I wore the same thing twice in one season. So that went on for a few days and my outfits got less and less sexy and then one day I was late for work and was like **** it I'll just go in looking crappy, there's never any large files so I won't see him. It was also, I belatedly realised, really hot and I was wearing two thick layers and my hair was messy as hell. And as soon as I got into work I looked at what I needed to scan that day and of course there was an enormous file staring at me that would require that damn fancy scanner.

That scanner is a whole other matter really. I should really be focusing on interacting with scanners because it's possibly more difficult than interacting with men, though not as pertinent to my well-being. I went upstairs to try to use that scanner by myself so I wouldn't have to see the cute boy. But there were a bunch of fancy business people having a fancy business meeting and I got flustered again. I walked in like I knew what I was doing, looked at the machines with all their buttons and realised that I had completely forgotten which one was even the scanner. The next twenty or so agonising seconds I spent surreptitiously looking over the fancy machines in a desperately casual way a la Mr. Bean, to see if any of them had a helpful label saying something like "Fancy Scanner". None did. You would think a person whose job title is "scanner" would know what a scanner looks like, but I am very good at not living up to my job titles. And so the nice boy helped me and it all went fine but I didn't wow him like I could have with my composure and style from the previous week.

After I successfully conquered the scanner I went straight downstairs to write down the instructions so I wouldn't forget. Unfortunately my anxiety over my hair and face and entire existence had required so much concentration that I HAD ALREADY FORGOTTEN THE MAIN STEP. Once I had gotten even hotter and more flustered from all that intense ruminating and scanning, another large file appeared. I went upstairs determined to remember how to use the scanner and I did everything I could remember and put the beastly file in and it wouldn't scan. So I just stared at that fancy scanner silently willing it to suck in my damn file already and my lovely, kind, caring boss who I appreciate greatly but did not want to see in that moment walked past and was like "Oh you need help with the scanning? I'll go get that adorable boy for you who unbeknownst to me just told you how to do this basic activity that a five-year-old with minimal work experience could do." Or something along those lines. I couldn't look at the scanning boy the whole time he told me how to do those things he'd just told me how to do and when he was done I thanked the floor instead of him. I've always been much more of a natural conversationalist with floors than with people, so that part of the interaction went fine.

Whatever though, that guy was way too zen for me anyway. I need someone who's more on my level in terms of neuroses. I'm just concerned about the effect all these traumatic experiences are having on my psyche. I need my psyche to be intact and in good shape if I ever want to get into another relationship. I wish guys weren't so judgmental about girls whose psyches have been broken.

I also practiced using makeup recently and that was actually something of a success. I did winged eyeliner for the first time and within an hour my technique was great but the consequences of this were not. Usually my mean ex who is now my sometimes-boss tries to talk to me once a shift and gives up when I mumble grumpily at him, but he was talking to me all night like blah ****ing blah Borderlands 2 hey here do you want this muffin can I help you with that etc to the point that I had to go to the bathroom to remove my perfect winged eyeliner that took me an hour to apply because my tits could not maintain calm much longer and I was close to recommending he get his dirty muffins out of my face and shove them up his urethra.

All in all quite a disappointing month. I did have some excellent conversations with boys on the internet, however.

Sometimes I look through my old posts and feel terribly ashamed, but luckily with this one it'll take too much energy to make it past a couple of paragraphs.


----------



## veron

Today I went for a drink after work with some colleagues. "He" was there. Now, I'm a non-smoker and thought he was too. I've never seen him smoke. I've looked through his FB photos and he's got like a hundred pics from bars and other social outings and whatnot, and he's not holding a cigarette in any that I've seen. So it was much to my dismay when I saw him light up a cigarette tonight. Such a major turn-off, and now I'm quite put off of him :rain

On a second note. Sometimes I come across threads on here about guys grieving about passing up or losing the "perfect girl." They go on to explain how perfect she was, how she was everything they were looking for, blah blah. These posts fascinate me, because I've never met a guy who I thought was perfect. They all had flaws. Even when I had major crushes, I could see the person's flaws. Not that I'm looking for perfection, just somebody whose flaws I can tolerate, I guess.


----------



## darkhoboelf

Ladies just flaunt your tits,trust me,we'll notice you.


----------



## crimeclub

I got a boy today! I was in an elevator and a guy wearing a Beatles shirt walked in, so I said "Cool shirt man." Then right before we reached his floor he said "Hey I know this is a total shot in the dark but would you be interested in exchanging numbers?" So I hit the button to keep the doors closed and after about 5 seconds of tenderly looking into each other's eyes we started making out hardcore. No, I just said "Sure man but just so you know I'm only interested in friendship with guys." Doesn't matter if it was a dude; still got someone's digits this year. F***-yeah.gif lol...

Being on the receiving end of getting hit on by a guy totally opened my eyes to why it's so important to appear confident and straight forward when approaching someone, and I guess this applies to girls too. The guy was totally cool and deliberate and I had to respect that, if he asked timidly and beat around the bush the situation would have been an awkward nightmare. Very much a revelation of perspective for me.


----------



## seeking777

crimeclub said:


> I got a boy today! I was in an elevator and a guy wearing a Beatles shirt walked in, so I said "Cool shirt man." Then right before we reached his floor he said "Hey I know this is a total shot in the dark but would you be interested in exchanging numbers?" So I hit the button to keep the doors closed and after about 5 seconds of tenderly looking into each other's eyes we started making out hardcore. No, I just said "Sure man but just so you know I'm only interested in friendship with guys." Doesn't matter if it was a dude; still got someone's digits this year. F***-yeah.gif lol...
> 
> Being on the receiving end of getting hit on by a guy totally opened my eyes to why it's so important to appear confident and straight forward when approaching someone, and I guess this applies to girls too. The guy was totally cool and deliberate and I had to respect that, if he asked timidly and beat around the bush the situation would have been an awkward nightmare. Very much a revelation of perspective.












Something to consider definitely. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## MildSA

crimeclub said:


> Being on the receiving end of getting hit on by a guy totally opened my eyes to why it's so important to appear confident and straight forward when approaching someone, and I guess this applies to girls too. The guy was totally cool and deliberate and I had to respect that, if he asked timidly and beat around the bush the situation would have been an awkward nightmare. Very much a revelation of perspective for me.


Male-to-male interaction is much different than male-to-female. Guys don't feel threatened or objectified in the presence of a nonthreatening male counterpart thus it's easier to start a causal small talk w/ a stranger. Gay guys also understand most guys don't care much about flirting & will ask you for your number right off the bat (I've seen it happen plenty of times)....guys aren't going to say no to no-strings-attached sex if there is a mutual attraction.

Most females have their guards up in the presence of a stranger so you have to be charismatic to get them to engage in a conversation before you can even ask for the #. Most chicks aren't giving their number to strangers just b/c they like their shirt.


----------



## crimeclub

MildSA said:


> Male-to-male interaction is much different than male-to-female. Guys don't feel threatened or objectified in the presence of a nonthreatening male counterpart thus it's easier to start a causal small talk w/ a stranger. Gay guys also understand most guys don't care much about flirting & will ask you for your number right off the bat (I've seen it happen plenty of times)....guys aren't going to say no to no-strings-attached sex if there is a mutual attraction.
> 
> Most females have their guards up in the presence of a stranger so you have to be charismatic to get them to engage in a conversation before you can even ask for the #. Most chicks aren't giving their number to strangers just b/c they like their shirt.


Fair points.


----------



## calichick

Random article: 10 Things that Make you Intimidating (male or female)

found this interesting.

_Have you ever gone somewhere and not exactly blend in&#8230;? It's more than what you decided to wear that seems like an anomaly. People behave a certain way. You observe this many times at different social scenes. Nobody will approach you aside from a little "hi" and a courteous fake smile.

1. You look unapproachable, or give off that energy that says something completely opposite of the way you are. Maybe it's your clothing, maybe it's a "don't **** with me" attitude displayed in your facial expressions, or maybe it's just like the animal kingdom and your composure. The alpha male or alpha female struts in and all the other animals take notice and make a mental note to stay the **** away.

2. You have confirmation: Your friends didn't like you originally, they told you they didn't, but now that they know you, you're really not that bad.

3. People refuse to make eye contact with you for long periods; they look away and keep their glances short.

4. You have an aggressive and confrontational demeanor. You don't start fights, but you're known to assert yourself when necessary. You say what you mean and you mean what you say.

5. You're a nonconformist, you're not afraid to say "No." You know what you want and what you don't want. You don't follow the crowd.

6. You move heaven and earth to make things happen. You don't settle for anything less than what you had planned. When **** goes downhill you don't take it easy. You have to have it all. For some reason people don't like go-getters, they're seen as opportunists or too selfish.

7. You have had that one super nice acquaintance that secretly hates you but showers you with tons of compliments, plays with your hair, and a lot of other deceitful behavior. You know what's up, but it's easier to just be cordial because you've been considered being a ***** for too long on one too many occasions. This person is the first person to try to make you feel bad when you're feeling vulnerable and will use your situation to their own insecure advantage.

8. People misunderstand you. You don't set out to offend anyone but at the same time you don't care what people think. Your ideas, beliefs and shared posts usually range from crazy to bat-**** crazy, extreme even. You don't need anyone to validate your authenticity, you just continue being yourself. If anyone has a problem they can remove themselves from your life. Let's face it; social networking has brought on more judgments.

9. You're okay with being alone and it's obvious that you enjoy your own company. Your circles start off small and remain small. Society drives people to want other's acceptance, we're bred that way. To be liked is desired more than the desire to be successful. When you seek out social acceptance all the time it's like sleeping with partner after partner. You give away little pieces of yourself each time until there's nothing left.

10. You walk into a room and know immediately how people feel about you. It's all in their eyes, not only do they avoid eye contact but when they do make eye contact, it's not a welcoming and pleasant look. Every fiber of your being tells you who you should be careful with because they don't have the best intentions. You've never done anything to this person yet your gut feels negatively when you're near them. This is the person who will like+comment on your posts on FB and when you see them in real life they will say hi and avoid you, walk past you and act like you're not even there. You're under their skin even though you're unsure why regardless of how nice you are to them. Don't Change; kill them with Kindness anyway. 
_

Link

I relate to so many of these points. I've said it and I'll say it again, life gets lonely when people are intimidated by you. You're alienated, you're outcast, you try your best to 'kill them with kindness' but it'll never be enough redemption in their eyes.

Some things you just can't control.


----------



## BehindClosedDoors

I have a couple of boys to give away if anyone wants them. I'm mad at my husband right now, he's being a d***. And I just checked my teenage son's room and I think there may be mold growing on everything. I shut the door just in case anything was contagious I didn't want it to trickle out. I'll consider a two for one special on the pair...any takers?


----------



## seeking777

@calichick, thanks for posting that. I can relate to several of those points. I have lived them unfortunately. It opened my eyes and gave me a much needed kick in the behind to face my mistakes/bad choices and make a decision to change. Really helpful.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> Random article: 10 Things that Make you Intimidating (male or female)
> 
> found this interesting.


I've actually had girls at past jobs tell me that I looked intimidating/unapproachable after we became friends. :stu


----------



## calichick

I so want to be in a relationship by the time New Year's Eve swings around that I'm willing to compromise some of my standards just to be able to not be alone for the new year.

Lots of guys that I normally wouldn't go for who I would consider settling for at the moment.

Settling.

:afr

Settling doesn't have to be so bad now does it? Sacrifice a bit of that heart flip, those butterflies, that feeling you get when you see them, like you can't breathe, your heart beats faster, trickles of adrenaline rushing through your veins.

Settling for companionship, settling for fun, for sex, for pleasure. That person could end up being truly amazing, could open up your eyes to new potential. Possibilities are endless, it could end up turning into something much more enduring than a few lustful moments could ever bring. I believe that is the exact quote of someone here on SAS. I can't remember who because so many people over the years on this board have spouted out such PC bull**** that it's the character which makes a man over everything else. That it's not how he looks or how much money he makes, that it's his heart and his mind.

The thing is.....I don't want to settle.

I don't want to settle but I don't want to be single yet I don't go after my problems as adequately as I should. I don't do online dating, I don't go to bars, or nightclubs. It's home, work, home, work. And all the men who I've met in this repetition havent cut it.

This is one of those times when Bob Marley comes in handy..I'm no longer in a rinky dinky town in California, I'm on an island in the South Pacific lounging on the beach in a bikini with a cute island boy who's serving me drinks with a little umbrella in them. How I so want to be on that island right now. This is probably everything your therapist warns you about being mindful of the present moment and not in the white sand beaches 5,000 miles off from the current hell of the present.

_dont worry about a thing cause every little thing is gonna be alright_

Have a good week folks.






I'm sorry, you just can't not be happy with Bob Marley. You just can't.


----------



## Barette

@calichick

That article rings true for me D: Most people say they think I'm a b**** before they talk to me. I never think I give off that vibe but I guess I do. Once people get to know me, I just hear how sweet and goofy and funny I am, but before that? I've been told I seem like a big b****. IDK what it is. My body language isn't threatening or anything, maybe I just have b****face. I have to look less "I hate being around people"-ish when I'm around people I guess. I do tend to have that look since I do tend to have that feeling.


----------



## lisbeth

@Calichick NYE gives you a little over six weeks, right? Is that even possible? Seems fast.


----------



## veron

I wish I was in a relationship by NYE's too, but it ain't gonna happen. I don't want to settle either. 

I'm once again seriously considering single motherhood. Waiting around for some dude to approach me so that I could start living my life is pathetic. But it seems like becoming a single mother is going to be just as hard. Asking one of my male acquaintances to help me out would be plain awkward. And having one-night stands with random men sounds like a great way to catch an std. Oh, and I found out that my favourite sperm bank doesn't ship to my country.


----------



## calichick

Alright THIS POST GON BE REAL GOOD. THIS S*** just got real.

Some A**hole at work called me a sl** today. He didn't say it straight out but he implied it and I've been repeating in my head for the past 3 hours "Did he really just say that?" I couldn't even focus properly and was scared I was going to make a mistake on the job.

This guy, I'm not entirely sure he doesn't have an account on SAS because he is one of the most socially awkward grown men I have ever come across. He is a cultural misfit and I'm aware that people who do not interact often with others have a tendency to say things out of line at the wrong moment so I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyways, I've been trying to get something out of him, trying to coax him out of his shell with petty small talk because it seems he's been giving me the cold shoulder from the moment I first met him weeks ago.

Today, I'm casually chatting him up as usual. I happen to mention that I _met a few guys from work last week_. I didn't *pick up* these guys, I just met them.

He raises his eyebrows with a smirk on his face and says, "I'm sure you did. YOU would have NO problem" Laughs out loud still smiling all the while, "I have NO doubt that you get around, that I am certain of" laughing still and probably repeating the first line 2 times to add insult to injury.

WHAT THE F***? What the hell just happened? Is this real life or is this SAS? I have never, ever been uttered these words in real life, much less so by a grown a** man who is twice my age with young children.

OMG. I was going to ask him what he meant by that but I was so shocked that I didn't want to really hear an in depth explanation on why he assumes I must get around since he BARELY KNOWS ME. He knows NOTHING about me.

What. The. F****? I am speechless.



lisbeth said:


> @Calichick NYE gives you a little over six weeks, right? Is that even possible? Seems fast.


It's not entirely hopeless. There's a few guys who I could "settle" for just to achieve that goal I'm trying to take things day by day.


----------



## AussiePea

Well a lot of people make the assumption that when they see someone who (judging by how you talk about yourself) is a 10/10 that they "get around", particularly if they are flirtatious in personality or dress to impress. Is it right? Not at all, it's how people often think though. You had every right to go off at him for it, though it sounds like he would have laughed it off anyway. I wouldn't let it show that he may have gotten to you though, it will be a victory in his eyes. Laugh it off.


----------



## AussiePea

calichick said:


> Guys, girls, I am literally at my wit's end here. Just as I saw your post, I'm googling "get around", and I already know what's the inference there but Urban Dictionary just confirmed it for me
> 
> get around
> To have sex with alot of people.
> 
> WHAT THE HELL?


Well yeah, that is what he was implying with his comment to you.


----------



## calichick

aussiepea said:


> well a lot of people make the assumption that when they see someone who (judging by how you talk about yourself) is a 10/10 that they "get around", particularly if they are flirtatious in personality or dress to impress. Is it right? Not at all,* it's how people often think though*. You had every right to go off at him for it, though it sounds like he would have laughed it off anyway. I wouldn't let it show that he may have gotten to you though, it will be a victory in his eyes. Laugh it off.


[venting]
you don't say those things to a stranger in real life.

I am trembling, I am laughing, I am dying, I am torn right now.

I don't quite know what I should do, go work out or go cry under a hot shower.

The amount of assumptions that people have made about me who I've come across in the past 3 months is mind-blowing. "She's too outgoing", "She GETS AROUND". This is a new one. I'm going to remember this till the day I die.

Introverts, what are we going to do with you?

So f***ing weird, man oh man. I would say keep your mouth shut but I fear that boredom will be the death of me if everybody stopped talking in the world.

My face has been frozen for literally the past 4 hours in a WTF expression.

I just, it's not, I can't even, I'm so, why...


----------



## AussiePea

It has nothing to do with someone being introverted or not, extroverts can be just as blunt and inappropriate.


----------



## Ignopius

calichick said:


> [venting]
> you don't say those things to a stranger in real life.
> 
> I am trembling, I am laughing, I am dying, I am torn right now.
> 
> I don't quite know what I should do, go work out or go cry under a hot shower.
> 
> The amount of assumptions that people have made about me who I've come across in the past 3 months is mind-blowing. "She's too outgoing", "She GETS AROUND". This is a new one. I'm going to remember this till the day I die.
> 
> Introverts, what are we going to do with you?
> 
> So f***ing weird, man oh man. I would say keep your mouth shut but I fear that boredom will be the death of me if everybody stopped talking in the world.


No doubt this man's comment was inappropriate. He doesn't know you so why would he say something like that. *shrugs*

Just avoid talking to him because he's likely going to make these comments again. He has no filter.


----------



## calichick

Ignopius said:


> No doubt this man's comment was inappropriate. He doesn't know you so why would he say something like that. *shrugs*
> 
> Just avoid talking to him because he's likely going to make these comments again. He has no filter.


I cant stop talking to him. He's the only person I sit next to.

And silencing an extrovert is basically like cutting off their right arm.

I NEED TO TALK.

1) I have never had an extrovert insult me in this respect before. Crossing the line borderline sexual harassment.

2) I have never met someone as WEIRD as him. Even my boss pointed out that he's rather "quiet"

3) 4 days later, he says I undoubtedly get around.

This guy has severe social handicap, I'm sorry. I was speculating before but now I am quite positively certain. One of my SAS male friends on here tells me he does this type of thing all the time around women and he got in trouble by his manager in one case so much so that he had to apologize to the girl.

It's basic social etiquette is what it is, is what's lacking.

P.S all you newbies, yes it's ironic I'm a member of this site, I know, shoot me.

I'm gonna go ponder over the events of today and try to reassess this guy cause apparently I did it ALL wrong. Missed the mark by a landslide.


----------



## lisbeth

I met a guy a while ago who was really interesting and I'd like to see him again, except I don't want to because he made a pass at me and I'm not interested and I think it'd be really awkward. Because I'm an irredeemable *****'ole, I did the soft-rejection of just not replying to his last text because I was really uncomfortable. I ran into him a while after and he looked kind of pissed off. Excuse me for sounding like a teenager, but he is like, way old. I just wanted to be friends :-(

it's really frustrating. I was so disappointed when it happened because it was like, "well, goodbye to that potential friendship". He made things weird and now I can't befriend him. Balls.

This is more "what are you doing NOT to get a boy", but it's still relevant.


----------



## Cerberus

lisbeth said:


> I met a guy a while ago who was really interesting and I'd like to see him again, except I don't want to because he made a pass at me and I'm not interested and I think it'd be really awkward. Because I'm an irredeemable *****'ole, I did the soft-rejection of just not replying to his last text because I was really uncomfortable. I ran into him a while after and he looked kind of pissed off. Excuse me for sounding like a teenager, but he is like, way old. I just wanted to be friends :-(
> 
> it's really frustrating. I was so disappointed when it happened because it was like, "well, goodbye to that potential friendship". He made things weird and now I can't befriend him. Balls.
> 
> This is more "what are you doing NOT to get a boy", but it's still relevant.


How did he make things weird when he made it pretty clear that he wanted something more than friendship? Letting him down "softly" and attempting to make a friend of him is what seems weird to me. Since he's like, so old and stuff, he probably already has an established circle of friends.


----------



## probably offline

AussiePea said:


> It has nothing to do with someone being introverted or not, extroverts can be just as blunt and inappropriate.


this


----------



## lisbeth

Cerberus said:


> How did he make things weird when he made it pretty clear that he wanted something more than friendship? Letting him down "softly" and attempting to make a friend of him is what seems weird to me. Since he's like, so old and stuff, he probably already has an established circle of friends.


I wanted to be friends from the outset. He didn't make anything else clear right away so I thought it was all friendly. He's at my university (mature student) and all new/returning students want new friends. I've got lunch/coffee between lectures with a 50yr old woman on my course. I didn't twig this guy was asking me out rather than asking me to meet up socially until he followed it up with a weird compliment that I read as a bit sleazy. That made things weird. It just felt a bit distasteful. Not crude but just seemed really disingenuous.

Hardly letting him down gently, I haven't talked to him in like a month.

Really the problem here is me. I meet plenty of other people who could maybe become friends if I tried. I could be putting myself into more situations where it'd be easier to make friends and making more effort to take things past being acquaintances. If I had more people to hang out with I wouldn't feel disappointed by not making friends with one person I got along with. But as it is I'm alone a lot.


----------



## Cerberus

lisbeth said:


> I wanted to be friends from the outset. He didn't make anything else clear right away so I thought it was all friendly. He's at my university (mature student) and all new/returning students want new friends. I've got lunch/coffee between lectures with a 50yr old woman on my course. I didn't twig this guy was asking me out rather than asking me to meet up socially until he followed it up with a weird compliment that I read as a bit sleazy. That made things weird. It just felt a bit distasteful. Not crude but just seemed really disingenuous.
> 
> Hardly letting him down gently, I haven't talked to him in like a month.
> 
> Really the problem here is me. I meet plenty of other people who could maybe become friends if I tried. I could be putting myself into more situations where it'd be easier to make friends and making more effort to take things past being acquaintances. If I had more people to hang out with I wouldn't feel disappointed by not making friends with one person I got along with. But as it is I'm alone a lot.


Do you enjoy being alone? It seems introverts are often made to feel bad for not getting out there and making tons of friends because being a loner might earn you some negative labels.

Being a loner can be an advantage. For example, you may not be as prone to falling for social constructions enforced by social groups. I find that, when I'm around more social people, they seem to expect me to say certain things to them to enforce some social illusion. It seriously bothers me because I'm not able to provide them with what they want with any genuine effort.

I just look off into the distance, hoping to find some relief in solitude once more.

So, perhaps the problem isn't you. It's that you feel pressured to act against your nature.


----------



## lisbeth

Cerberus said:


> Do you enjoy being alone? It seems introverts are often made to feel bad for not getting out there and making tons of friends because being a loner might earn you some negative labels.
> 
> Being a loner can be an advantage. For example, you may not be as prone to falling for social constructions enforced by social groups. I find that, when I'm around more social people, they seem to expect me to say certain things to them to enforce some social illusion. It seriously bothers me because I'm not able to provide them with what they want with any genuine effort.
> 
> I just look off into the distance, hoping to find some relief in solitude once more.
> 
> So, perhaps the problem isn't you. It's that you feel pressured to act against your nature.


I like to be alone most of the time and then spend a certain amount of time in "quality" company. I like having a small number of close friends and then a few more good friends. Right now I don't have enough friends locally for my liking and then people move or emigrate and the number dwindles even more. I don't need tons of people in my life, but I like good company and having people to go out and do stuff with. There are so many events I'd like to go to that I just have no one to go to with, and so many activities I'd like to do that I have no one to do it with. Of course you can technically do things alone but sometimes you just don't want to.

Actually going to events alone would help me make more friends... it's something I've done before, can do and will do again. But it's not a priority right now because I have too many other things to worry about. When I get my **** together I'll start trying more. But right now, bigger fish to fry, so I've got to tolerate a bit of boredom and loneliness.

I think it all comes down to attitude and the poverty mentality v.s. the abundance mentality. If you go into things with a mindset of scarcity and think "oh ****, I missed my chance, it's hard to meet people and there aren't many nice folk out there" then every individual opportunity falls under a huge weight and pressure because you don't know when the next opportunity will be. If you go into things with a relaxed mindset like "things didn't come together this time, but there's thousands of interesting people out there and I can meet 'em any time" then it doesn't matter at all, and you can just let go and it isn't a failure or a loss. Those two people could have the same number of people in their lives, but the attitude makes all the difference. But when you're coming from a place of loneliness/insecurity then that scarcity mentality is really hard to let go of and it's hard to be relaxed about it. I need to change my perception but it's an uphill battle all the time.


----------



## seeking777

@lisbeth I totally understand what you're talking about. I think a lot of us can relate to what you're saying. I know I can.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Nothing at all.. Although, i think im starting to realize that i miss the company. Hmm.


----------



## calichick

dontwaitupforme said:


> Nothing at all.. Although, i think im starting to realize that i miss the company. Hmm.


Anyone up for settling?

No, just me?

Guy who's been giving me the eyes for a few weeks introduced himself to me today 

He came past me and I pretended to be busy, and he came past again I think just to talk to me while he had me alone since my deskmate had left for the day. Although I looked like utter S*** today so the one day he talks to me, my hair is a mess, my makeup was half a**ed, my skin is a mess, my outfit was horrid. Perfect, perfect timing.

Gave a**wipe the cold shoulder today. He's giving me bad vibes ever since I uttered one sentence of how I met a few guys. He's been looking at me strange lately with this Patrick Bateman smirk on his face like he's imagining me naked. He just really crossed the line. I couldn't sleep at all yesterday, I woke up 5 times.

Men can be so insensitive sometimes. I'm a bit pissed right now.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I cant stop talking to him. He's the only person I sit next to.
> 
> And silencing an extrovert is basically like cutting off their right arm.
> 
> I NEED TO TALK.
> 
> 1) I have never had an extrovert insult me in this respect before. Crossing the line borderline sexual harassment.
> 
> 2) I have never met someone as WEIRD as him. Even my boss pointed out that he's rather "quiet"
> 
> 3) 4 days later, he says I undoubtedly get around.
> 
> This guy has severe social handicap, I'm sorry. I was speculating before but now I am quite positively certain. One of my SAS male friends on here tells me he does this type of thing all the time around women and he got in trouble by his manager in one case so much so that he had to apologize to the girl.
> 
> It's basic social etiquette is what it is, is what's lacking.
> 
> P.S all you newbies, yes it's ironic I'm a member of this site, I know, shoot me.
> 
> I'm gonna go ponder over the events of today and try to reassess this guy cause apparently I did it ALL wrong. Missed the mark by a landslide.


Maybe I'm wrong but the whole vibe sounds like motivated by jealousy.. He sees you with other guys but doesn't know how to get your attention and then screwed it up.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Maybe I'm wrong but the whole vibe sounds like motivated by jealousy.. He sees you with other guys but doesn't know how to get your attention and then screwed it up.


No..this guy is just a jacka**, he doesn't like me at all.

I reasoned it out in my head last night that it caught him off guard that I mentioned I had met a few guys, and my wording might have been brash (because if some guy younger than me had mentioned he met a few girls last week, I would think 'why the f*** are you telling me this?') and he had got the wrong impression that "met" casually means hooked up or something.

So I asked for it. It was my fault. I overshared.

Damn you small talk!


----------



## AussiePea

Surely the goal is "practicality" in the form of a guy who genuinely gives you the giddies? I personally view the idea of settling as a sign of disrespect for yourself and one of the main reasons the divorce rate is above 50%.


----------



## calichick

AussiePea said:


> Surely the goal is "practicality" in the form of a guy who genuinely gives you the giddies? I personally view the idea of settling as a sign of disrespect for yourself and one of the main reasons the divorce rate is above 50%.


I have two scenarios in my head regarding "relationship success rate".

A. The risk. Guy above my level who I would DIE to be with (and there are plenty, why uttering under my breath, what I wouldn't do for one night with you.). Ignited first and foremost by physical connection and everything else is secondary.

B. The safe bet. Guy who likes me more than I like him and would go to great lengths just to please me.

I don't know what your definition of practicality consists of, but scenario A, aka the anti-practical solution seems most likely to end up in heartbreak.

When I say practical I'm thinking a sure fire bet.

The good guy. He's good, he's just not great. I can see him being by my side through thick and thin.

"Cause this love is a sure thing" -Miguel


----------



## calichick

Why did I have to look like s*** today of all days!? Boo.

God I can't even believe he could stand to look at me.

F***!

_We are our own worst critics._

I'm going to go curl my hair. Ugh. Need to look extra cute tomorrow for the follow-up

Have a good Wednesday folks.

P.S. I'm sorry if I'm not responding to every girl's posts anymore, this is kind of crunch time for me and I'm really adamant about meeting a new guy every, single, day, so I'm going to be sporadically updating for myself. Sweet dreams.


----------



## mcmuffinme

I talked with this guy after class today and had one of the lamest attempts at conversation ever. I asked him if he had a cold since he kept sneezing in class, and then asked if he did molly at a rave he went to, and I had to act like I wasn't interested in drugs either when he said he prefers drinking...wah wah. Then he said bye, and basically ditched out. 

So, that was fun...ugh, I could cry, but as usual, what good would that do? So, I guess I'll just shove it all down because I have no one to express my disappointment with in real life. Life sucks. I feel pretty hopeless


----------



## Ignopius

mcmuffinme said:


> I talked with this guy after class today and had one of the lamest attempts at conversation ever. I asked him if he had a cold since he kept sneezing in class, and then asked if he did molly at a rave he went to, and I had to act like I wasn't interested in drugs either when he said he prefers drinking...wah wah. Then he said bye, and basically ditched out.
> 
> So, that was fun...ugh, I could cry, but as usual, what good would that do? So, I guess I'll just shove it all down because I have no one to express my disappointment with in real life. Life sucks. I feel pretty hopeless


Don't look at this as a failure. You gave it a shot! And you will only get better from here. Also a guy that blows you off from a conversation that easily probably wouldn't have been the best partner anyhow.

Awwww don't be hopeless! You have a lot of time!


----------



## calichick

Today was an AMAZING day.

80 degrees out and summertime air, my hair was in check, my makeup was in check, my skin was in check, my confidence was partially in check.

Forgave a**hat for his comment, am talking cordially with him again. I still am super weary of who he is and wouldn't trust him alone with my firstborn.

Follow up with guy who introduced himself to me yesterday was positive.

Just googled him now, found out he's the director of [insert department] and from doing the math on when he graduated college is THIRTY-F****ing-EIGHT NINE [thanks whitepages] years old.

Dude looks like a newborn, thought he was younger than me.

Guess I should talk to him with some respect from now on, thought he was an intern.

Oops.

Life is bliss. I am really happy right now. I think that my body is adjusting post birth control, and my anxiety *fingers crossed* is lifting. For the first time in months, this morning I had a clear head. Crystal clear. No racing thoughts, little paranoia, no road rage. Calmness. I don't remember the last time I felt like this.


----------



## lisbeth

I went for coffee with a guy today. Shaking, rapid heartrate and chewed the inside of my cheek bloody... so I think I like him. ****.

He can't be very fussed though because he never texts me.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> I went for coffee with a guy today. Shaking, rapid heartrate and chewed the inside of my cheek bloody... so I think I like him. ****.
> 
> He can't be very fussed though because he never texts me.


Lol I thought I was the only one that destroyed the inside of my cheeks before dates. Any doctor visit where he checks the inside my mouth "Whoa... your inner cheeks are shredded."


----------



## lisbeth

crimeclub said:


> Lol I thought I was the only one that destroyed the inside of my cheeks before dates. Any doctor visit where he checks the inside my mouth "Whoa... your inner cheeks are shredded."


It wasn't even a date, it was just coffee, and it was an impromptu thing so I didn't really have a chance to talk myself out of it. It's been so long since I've been on an actual date that if it was a date my cheeks would probably require stitches and an emergency blood transfusion.










Aw frick, though, I seriously need to calm my brain down because I am getting crushy. It's a bad idea.


----------



## crimeclub

lisbeth said:


> It wasn't even a date, it was just coffee, and it was an impromptu thing so I didn't really have a chance to talk myself out of it. It's been so long since I've been on an actual date that if it was a date my cheeks would probably require stitches and an emergency blood transfusion.


Haha, well congrats either way. Oh and dont cancel anymore dates with guys, I happen to know guys aren't very scary (says the guy who will cancel 2 out of 3 dates with girls because girls are scary *runs away because you're a girl*)


----------



## estse

I'm reading the bible and reenacting god.


----------



## Umpalumpa

calichick said:


> I cant stop talking to him. He's the only person I sit next to.
> 
> And silencing an extrovert is basically like cutting off their right arm.
> 
> I NEED TO TALK.
> 
> 1) I have never had an extrovert insult me in this respect before. Crossing the line borderline sexual harassment.
> 
> 2) I have never met someone as WEIRD as him. Even my boss pointed out that he's rather "quiet"
> 
> 3) 4 days later, he says I undoubtedly get around.
> 
> This guy has severe social handicap, I'm sorry. I was speculating before but now I am quite positively certain. One of my SAS male friends on here tells me he does this type of thing all the time around women and he got in trouble by his manager in one case so much so that he had to apologize to the girl.
> 
> It's basic social etiquette is what it is, is what's lacking.
> 
> P.S all you newbies, yes it's ironic I'm a member of this site, I know, shoot me.
> 
> I'm gonna go ponder over the events of today and try to reassess this guy cause apparently I did it ALL wrong. Missed the mark by a landslide.


Talk about over thinking things, why do you care so much? Because it was unexpected? Its just his defense mechanism near women i guess....


----------



## calichick

Umpalumpa said:


> Talk about over thinking things, why do you care so much? Because it was unexpected? Its just his defense mechanism near women i guess....


A man has never been so forward with me in real life before. If a girl- NO A STRANGER- told you, "you must sleep around a lot" WOULDNT YOU THINK TWICE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE PORTRAY YOU? Basically in that moment, he made me feel like the office revolving door.

The only time guys have the balls to say sh*t like that to me is on the internet.

You're a sl*t
You must get a lot of d***
You've been around the block once or twice

I actually think he meant it as a compliment as in "you must have no problem getting any guy you wanted". So it's all good. I like it now.


----------



## MildSA

seeking777 said:


> @*lisbeth* I totally understand what you're talking about. I think a lot of us can relate to what you're saying. I know I can.


:yes


----------



## dontwaitupforme

calichick said:


> Anyone up for settling?
> 
> No, just me?
> 
> Guy who's been giving me the eyes for a few weeks introduced himself to me today .


It must be that time of the year again :lol

Nice one cali, keep us updated.


----------



## calichick

Too bad for me he's white as f***. Blue eyes + blonde nooo please no.

He's the guy I'm thinking of settling for. He's in a decent position at work and he's been giving me the green light for 3 weeks now.

I was thinking, maybe I just won't have sex with him.

He's so skinny and pale. I just...

I was more into the middle eastern guy that I rejected last week but that bugger was too short/no job/too chauvinistic.

Always something wrong.



Omg there was this guy at work today who was like 6'6 and skinny as a pole. He was the oddest looking thing I've ever seen I couldn't help but stare.


Wth skinny guys eat a burger or two I ain't into that.

This is something odd that I do when I'm sizing up potential suitors but if I can't imagine looking at them naked then it's a no go for me. I need to visualize our bodies together and more often than not I cannot.


----------



## probably offline




----------



## AussiePea

probably offline said:


>


This is the greatest thing.


----------



## Barette

There's a guy in my class whose chorizo I totally want. I tried to talk to him but it was awkward, just not organically gonna happen. I was walking in the same direction as him but a few steps behind, and he kept looking back and like swerving? I've walked behind him before when he didn't know it and he didn't do that (not stalking, just heading in same direction), I feel like it might be my ego and because I find him so ****ing hot but I feel like he was totally checking back at me and being weird cause I was there (I'm turning into calichick, assuming men are going haywire over my mere presence!) But shiiiiiiit he's so sexy. Idk what it is about him but i want his chorizo madly. MADLY.

Also, guy I had lunch with shot me down haaaaaaaard. I wasn't even being romantic, I'd want to be friends mostly. He lives in the city and it wouldve been so nice to have someone smart and kind with similar interests that i cohld go to author lectures or museums with and ****. Heres the text---

Me: "I enjoyed our talk! If you visit CT we should meet up again."

Him: "Yeah glad it could happen. Visits to ct are usually family so its unlikely I'll get away. Keep in touch, Barette. good luck." 

Ouch haha. Like "I'll tell you now that.... No...no were not gonna meet up again."

I did like him but know dating would not be feasible so I approached it more friendly... Guess not D:

I'm so sexually frustrated that I have literally cried about it. CRIED. SEVERAL TIMES. GAAAAWWWWDDDD. I've been wanting to wait for the right guy but I just can't anymore, I can't!


----------



## TicklemeRingo

probably offline said:


>


lol


----------



## Cerberus

probably offline said:


>


Basically


----------



## mezzoforte

probably offline said:


>


LOL!! :lol :clap


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding

What book is that? If the whole book is like that, I'd like to send it to someone as a White Elephant gift.


----------



## calichick

Barette said:


> There's a guy in my class whose chorizo I totally want. I tried to talk to him but it was awkward, just not organically gonna happen. I was walking in the same direction as him but a few steps behind, and he kept looking back and like swerving? I've walked behind him before when he didn't know it and he didn't do that (not stalking, just heading in same direction), I feel like it might be my ego and because I find him so ****ing hot but I feel like he was totally checking back at me and being weird cause I was there (I'm turning into calichick, assuming men are going haywire over my mere presence!) But shiiiiiiit he's so sexy. Idk what it is about him but i want his chorizo madly. MADLY.
> 
> Also, guy I had lunch with shot me down haaaaaaaard. I wasn't even being romantic, I'd want to be friends mostly. He lives in the city and it wouldve been so nice to have someone smart and kind with similar interests that i cohld go to author lectures or museums with and ****. Heres the text---
> 
> Me: "I enjoyed our talk! If you visit CT we should meet up again."
> 
> Him: "Yeah glad it could happen. Visits to ct are usually family so its unlikely I'll get away. Keep in touch, Barette. good luck."
> 
> Ouch haha. Like "I'll tell you now that.... No...no were not gonna meet up again."
> 
> I did like him but know dating would not be feasible so I approached it more friendly... Guess not D:
> 
> I'm so sexually frustrated that I have literally cried about it. CRIED. SEVERAL TIMES. GAAAAWWWWDDDD. I've been wanting to wait for the right guy but I just can't anymore, I can't!


Why are you chasing guys?

As a rule of thumb the only time I show interest in a guy is when I have absolutely no interest in him because there's no feelings involved and I'm not trying to bait and trap him.

Men go crazy when you pretend like you don't even know they exist. No matter how much you want on that chorizo, or how much you want to tie him down and have your dirty little way with him, you show NONE of that. Not even a hint. He needs _you_, not the other way around. If you're coming on too strongly, some of the mystery is lost in the game.

Also, I like how y'all just can't go 10 posts without happening to mention the word "calichick" and the word "ego" in the same paragraph. Let's try to separate those things out a little further now :lol


----------



## calichick

Random thought of the day

I was thinking about narcissism the other day and the origins in Greek mythology of how Narcissus fell in love with his own self-image, and I was thinking to myself, is it still considered narcissistic if the self-perception is based on other people's interpretation of you and not necessarily your love for yourself?

I've never really been fond of myself, I actually feel sick to my stomach 8 out of 10 times when I look at myself in the mirror {contrary to how it may seem like on this site}, and I base a large part of my identity on other people. If other people are constantly mirroring back a positive reception of you, yourself, what is that?

Narcissism or just plain realism?

Can anybody really prevent becoming a certain way when your experiences and your interactions with others most often constitute a large portion of your identity and how you see yourself? For example, if you are constantly being criticized based on your appearance, it's understandable for you to be extremely self-conscious and lack confidence, so when the tables are turned, how should one keep grounded with continual praise and whatnot.

I feel like it's a crapshoot all around, I wish people (not on the internet but IRL) would stop buttering my ego, this is a serious rambling now, I don't know how those few people remain level-headed and not let it get to their 'head' as the expression goes because in the end nobody wins. I almost would like to return back to the state of mind I had when I was 12 or 13 unaware of anything really and living in ignorant bliss. No haters, no lovers, just doing my own thing.

f*** it, I'm going to go listen to some Bob Marley and turn the brain off.


----------



## calichick

This is my favorite thread on this website, yes, yes it is.










hopefully all this effort is not in vain.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> This is my favorite thread on this website, yes, yes it is.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> hopefully all this effort is not in vain.


lol calichick...your effort is gonna be in vain...


----------



## gunner21

calichick said:


> Why are you chasing guys?
> 
> As a rule of thumb the only time I show interest in a guy is when I have absolutely no interest in him because there's no feelings involved and I'm not trying to bait and trap him.
> 
> *Men go crazy when you pretend like you don't even know they exist. No matter how much you want on that chorizo, or how much you want to tie him down and have your dirty little way with him, you show NONE of that. Not even a hint. He needs you, not the other way around. If you're coming on too strongly, some of the mystery is lost in the game.*
> 
> Also, I like how y'all just can't go 10 posts without happening to mention the word "calichick" and the word "ego" in the same paragraph. Let's try to separate those things out a little further now :lol


Yea, no. I can tell you that personally there isn't a bigger turn off than a girl acting like I don't exist. If that happens, I just move on and forget about her.


----------



## AussiePea

gunner21 said:


> Yea, no. I can tell you that personally there isn't a bigger turn off than a girl acting like I don't exist. If that happens, I just move on and forget about her.


Yeah same, I see them as immature.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> Yea, no. I can tell you that personally there isn't a bigger turn off than a girl acting like I don't exist. If that happens, I just move on and forget about her.


That is because you have anxiety and like every other guy on this website like to minimize your risk of rejection to great lengths.

And I am glad that you have found much success in the quality of women who have actually bent over backwards for you willingly with no resistance.

I wish I could say the same.

__________________________________________

Ugh. I'm trying to post less on this site. STOP QUOTING ME. Please, for the love of...


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> is it still considered narcissistic if the self-perception is based on other people's interpretation of you and not necessarily your love for yourself? ... Can anybody really prevent becoming a certain way when your experiences and your interactions with others most often constitute a large portion of your identity and how you see yourself?


Narcissism is about more than your self-perception; narcissism is about being so preoccupied with yourself that you're incapable of empathizing with others. You can agree with another person's estimate that you're beautiful without being a narcissist; but if you don't care about how the other person feels about their own appearance you probably are one.

And no, people don't automatically become a certain way just because other people tell them that they're that way. You tend to believe what you're told when you're young, but as you get older and learn to think for yourself you will often find yourself disagreeing with others so your self-perception is always going to be hovering somewhere between what you think you are and what other people think you are depending on who is making the more convincing argument.

Most people do have a tendency to agree with whoever is telling them what they _want_ to hear, however, whether that's good or bad. If people are constantly telling you good things about yourself there's often little incentive to disagree with them.


----------



## Barette

calichick said:


> Why are you chasing guys?
> 
> As a rule of thumb the only time I show interest in a guy is when I have absolutely no interest in him because there's no feelings involved and I'm not trying to bait and trap him.
> 
> Men go crazy when you pretend like you don't even know they exist. No matter how much you want on that chorizo, or how much you want to tie him down and have your dirty little way with him, you show NONE of that. Not even a hint. He needs _you_, not the other way around. If you're coming on too strongly, some of the mystery is lost in the game.
> 
> Also, I like how y'all just can't go 10 posts without happening to mention the word "calichick" and the word "ego" in the same paragraph. Let's try to separate those things out a little further now :lol


Idk about california but that's not how life works over here. In order for him to know I have interest, I have to show interest. And list, pure lust. Ignoring is not going to get me anywhere... I ignore everybody I meet and have 2 friends and no love interests...

Plus, pro-tip for girls: if you ignore a guy or show no interest and he stars off and remains insessant with his interest, then he's not the guy for you. I ignore all humans, so the males that hit on me are usually the sleazy or predatory type because they don't _need_ hints or signs (even something as simple eye contact) because theyre just on the prowl. But most guys? Before they put themselves out there they're gonna want to have some lead in, which is not me chasing them, but me letting them know I fancy their sensual aura. Give 'em the ole wink nudge pull and a tug. So I 500% disagree because I can say that when I play Little Miss Hard to Get, I become Little Miss Not Worth The Effort To Get. I'm not magical, I'm a human they're a human they don't need magic hoops to jump through or secret signs of when I'm really ignoring them or ignoring them but secretly hoping they talk to me. Because when someone ignores me, I don't push it. Amd I sure don't want someone who's take such a blatant sign of disinterest as a green light to push it further.

When I wait for the men to talk to me, or ignore them.... I end up having to take what I can get since my only pickings are who decided to talk to me, not who *I* wanted to talk to. I'm sorry for the long response but that's just such unrealietic advice and I'm simply not going to take it. I've ignored men, I've waited for them to talk to me, and nothing has happened. SO I'm gonna talk to the ones I like and want to talk to. I don't need to be some ice queen waiting for a man to break my shell, I can actually put myself out there and just smile and talk to a hot guy in my class. Because I want to talk to him so why the hell would I just sit there and be miserable in lonely silence waiting and hoping hell talk to me when he probably won't because he doesn't have magical mind reading powers that let him know I'm only fake ignoring him, totally not for-realsies ignoring him. When, in the end, doing all that means HE WONT TALK TO ME. I'm sorry but that just does not work in any way haha



gunner21 said:


> Yea, no. I can tell you that personally there isn't a bigger turn off than a girl acting like I don't exist. If that happens, I just move on and forget about her.





AussiePea said:


> Yeah same, I see them as immature.


Also, what these guys said.

Edit: am also sorry for typosmand such. Am slightly buzzed and my tablet sucks so it'd be way more effort for me to fix it than for y'all to read it.


----------



## tbyrfan

calichick said:


> Can anybody really prevent becoming a certain way when your experiences and your interactions with others most often constitute a large portion of your identity and how you see yourself? For example, if you are constantly being criticized based on your appearance, it's understandable for you to be extremely self-conscious and lack confidence, so when the tables are turned, how should one keep grounded with continual praise and whatnot.


I think it's near-impossible. Those I know who get continual praise are usually pretty narcissistic, the type who brag about being hit on by tons of people, post a million selfies online, etc...those I know who have been constantly criticized for their looks (including myself) lack self-esteem and are very self-conscious. It's very hard to keep grounded when you have constant external validation to sway your opinion.


----------



## truant

tbyrfan said:


> I think it's near-impossible. Those I know who get continual praise are usually pretty narcissistic, the type who brag about being hit on by tons of people, post a million selfies online, etc...those I know who have been constantly criticized for their looks (including myself) lack self-esteem and are very self-conscious. It's very hard to keep grounded when you have constant external validation to sway your opinion.


And yet there are people who are objectively attractive, who get told that they're attractive, and still believe that they're unattractive because they see themselves differently. This isn't at all uncommon, so there's obviously more at work than other people's opinions. It's how you interpret those opinions that matters.


----------



## tbyrfan

truant said:


> And yet there are people who are objectively attractive, who get told that they're attractive, and still believe that they're unattractive because they see themselves differently. This isn't at all uncommon, so there's obviously more at work than other people's opinions. It's how you interpret those opinions that matters.


These people are still a minority. You clearly missed my point that in most cases, external validation plays a major role in shaping one's opinions.


----------



## gunner21

calichick said:


> That is because you have anxiety and like every other guy on this website like to minimize your risk of rejection to great lengths.
> 
> *And I am glad that you have found much success in the quality of women who have actually bent over backwards for you willingly with no resistance.
> 
> I wish I could say the same.*
> 
> __________________________________________
> 
> Ugh. I'm trying to post less on this site. STOP QUOTING ME. Please, for the love of...


Uhhh....ouch that hurts, but fair enough, I'll refrain from posting in this thread.


----------



## Barette

Cali, I'm curious, why is showing interest in men divided into two such starkly opposite groups: bending over backwards or ignoring them completely? You _do_ realize there's some grey area in there.... Right?


----------



## AussiePea

gunner21 said:


> Uhhh....ouch that hurts, but fair enough, I'll refrain from posting in this thread.


Your point still holds its ground and there's a massive difference between someone bending over backwards and someone showing basic respect and not playing kindergarten games when it comes to dating.

Edit: Barette beat me to it by 1 min!


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> Cali, I'm curious, why is showing interest in men divided into two such starkly opposite groups: bending over backwards or ignoring them completely? You _do_ realize there's some grey area in there.... Right?


Women are crazy.. I must admit her stories makes me wonder who the real person is though. Intriguing but maybe a bit too much so...


----------



## calichick

Y'all are over analyzing things way too much. Men are not that complicated; it doesn't take one minute of forethought to understand ANYTHING they do.

I don't have the time nor patience to cover this topic yet again.

Speaking of..found this funny passage online regarding a gay man's opinion of a straight woman.



> as a man who love straight macho men, I have got to add my two cents. yes&#8230;.I do hate some women because they are very controlling over straight men. They use their vagina to control these poor dumb men who are addicted to sex. Gay men are smarter than straight men and cannot be manipulated by women. Women should stop using what is between their legs to control men and stop holding these poor fools hostage. straight women are also very jealous creatures. Many straight men that I have met are very unhappy with women and they also die very young and unhappy. They fool around with me because I do not try to control them and give them exactly what they want. I guess women just want to kill all men if they cannot control them. nuff said.
> 
> guardianlv.com/2014/05/the-will-and-grace-myth-do-most-gay-men-secretly-hate-women/comment-page-2/#comments


I'm afraid that I'm one of those women who perpetuates the stereotype of using ones vagina to control the male species...

My apologies.


----------



## knightofdespair

Do you think its the best way? You do realize at some point you will get older, and inevitably the guy is going to find being led around by the balls less and less fulfilling. How is your sense of humor, your ability to just be a good partner without needing attention or something happening constantly?


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Do you think its the best way? You do realize at some point you will get older, and inevitably the guy is going to find being led around by the balls less and less fulfilling.


Oh sweetie, some men were made just for that very purpose.

It will never get old.

Compatability folks.

Priceless.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> Men are not that complicated; it doesn't take one minute of forethought to understand ANYTHING they do.


 lol cali your generalising men I'm pretty complicated :teeth


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> lol cali your generalising men I'm pretty complicated :teeth


Do you like vagina?

If so, then you're not.

Sorry.


----------



## blue2

calichick said:


> Do you like vagina?
> 
> If so, then you're not.
> 
> Sorry.


What about if it has to be attached to someone I like first any old vaginas not gonna cut it I'm afraid....:no :lol I'm out this convo is getting ridiculous..


----------



## calichick

Yes, run from the vagina.

Run far, far away :lol

_____________


Anyways back on topic..I had one of THE most amazing hour long conversations with this guy yesterday.

F***me, older men (39/40ish) are just so much more mature well-rounded interesting stimulating to talk to.

My ovaries are aching. I really connected with this guy. I rarely find that. It was absolutely spectacular. And it was less about the physical connection even though he's decent looking but there were moments when he was just looking at me silently and it felt a bit awkward but it was nice.


----------



## blue2

I don't have to run I'm already 5000 miles away :troll


----------



## abc1234

calichick said:


> Oh sweetie, some men were made just for that very purpose.
> 
> It will never get old.
> 
> Compatability folks.
> 
> Priceless.


calichick i wish it was possible to also quote your location...


----------



## veron

Me ex messaged me the other day to let me know that he still loves me, that he's been talking to his therapist about me, and that she confirmed what he knew all along - that I'm emotionally immature, too demanding, *enter negative trait here*, and at fault for our relationship not working out. LOL what a joke. This dude is trying to win me back in ways that just couldn't be more wrong. 

Anyhow, I texted him back to let him know that I don't love him anymore and that I'm over him. Hopefully he'll stop contacting me.

Anyhow... one of my few friends has finally decided she wants to go out (getting her out of her home is no easy task). So we're going out tonight... yaaaay. I'm feeling happy


----------



## calichick

I am dying, this article is too funny.



> Always Dolled Up
> ▼
> Monday, February 20
> 
> 30 Things to Do If Your Date Keeps Checking Girls Out
> 
> You're standing there with your boyfriend (or date) and some skinny minny 18 year old walks by, hooker heels and all. You hold your breath. God, please put the blinders on him. You look at him-- nope, he's not looking back at you. It's happened-- he is TOTALLY checking her out. You feel like crap. Why did you even go out tonight? The feeling sinks in. Does he not value you? How are you going to sit through an entire meal knowing he's oogling the teen girl at the table over? How do you handle this? I've come up with 30 options. Take your pick!
> 
> 1. A slap suits the situation quite nicely.
> 2. Hit on the waiter when he comes back-- tell him your food is cold and that you "like it hot" *wink*.
> 3. If you are at a restaurant ask him if you can switch sides of the table. Upon switching, look in the direction of the girl an say, "Wow, yeah, much better view."
> 4. Start talking about Channing Tatum's body.
> 5. Ask your date if he'd like you to get the girl's number for him.
> 6. Order the most fattening items on the menu and tell him you're glad he loves you the way you are. Wolf them down like a starving pig.
> 7. Invite her to your table for a drink, and a friendly little chat.
> 8. Grab his face with your hands, look him sweetly in the eye with a smile and say, "You know, out of every guy here, I can't stop looking at you, babe."
> 9. Go to "the bathroom" and never come back.
> 10. Go up to her and tell her, "Heyyy, so my boyfriend thinks you're hot, and you know what, you can have him."
> 11. Tell him you're late for your next date.
> 12. If you're at a restaurant, ask the waiter if you can move to a table with a better view.
> 13. Confess that you have feelings for his older, hotter brother.
> 14. Say, "Gee, aren't there a lot of hot people here?"
> 15. Tell him the guy at the table next to you is out with his girlfriend but keeps checking you out. Threaten to go tell his girlfriend.
> 16. Ask if he needs a napkin for his drool.
> 17. When your food comes, tell the waitress you'd actually like a box... to-go..... right now.
> 18. Call him out and say, "That girl has a great body, doesn't she?"
> 19. Tell him about your friend's boyfriend who keeps checking out other girls when he's out with her.... and how you told her to break up with him.
> 20. Ask him what time he is taking you home.
> 21. Mention that you broke up with your last boyfriend because he couldn't keep his eyes off other girls, to the point where you just didn't feel special.
> 22. Zone out for a second and then *smiling* say, "Sorry, I was distracted by someone."
> 23. Ask him to start a staring contest with you.
> 24. If you're at a sports bar, start a game of ranking the players on TV.
> 25. Say with a smile, "Sweetheart, I don't know if I've told you how happy I am that you only have eyes for me."
> 26. Dramatically move your body to look in the direction that he's staring. Then ask him intensely, "Oh sorry I thought I was missing something. You seemed distracted."
> 27. Give "the eyes" to the next man who walks by.
> 28. A kick under the table does the trick.
> 29. Ask him which of his friends are single.
> *30. Dump him.* WIN!
> My Question: What do YOU do?
> XOXO,
> Dylan


There's a few types of men in this world.

There's the type that no matter who he is with, his wandering eye will get the best of him and anything with a pair of breasts or legs that walks by will inevitably distract him. (Ugh, waste of time much!)

And there's a guy who will only have eyes for you. There could be a three-legged person (or shall we say three-breasted woman) who walks by, he is totally fixated on you and you only. That is one of my top requirements in a guy.

I've come across a few, that's when you know they're a KEEPER.

Speaking of, just yesterday I saw this guy. Looked like Marlon Teixera Portuguese-male-model looks and all, heavy accent to boot.










Not only were women staring at him, men were as well. He was drawing a lot of attention. He was with his wife who was just your average pretty girl, nothing spectacular. The room could've been empty, this guy was in his own world with her no matter the number of Barbie dolls walking by. He was obviously basking in the attention but his demeanor was that of "This happens every time I leave the house, why should I give two f***s this time around."

I really admire women who manage to land guys like that. I know a few and finding someone like that is rare because they don't hit on women purely on the basis of looks (ludicrous, right?) which is incredibly rare trait so it's a combination of fate, coincidence and fortune which lands you in that situation to be able to form a relationship with that type of man...(seeing that he's still single in the first place and some other woman didn't lay her claws on him because those men wouldn't stray if you paid them).

That's the tricky part.


----------



## calichick

Dear Diary, yay)

Today was an awesome day.

I was invited to lunch this time by a female, of which the conversation was just amazing. Met a few new people, including one of the most extroverted guys who's my exact age and I could definitely see being friends with. He's ironic, he's sarcastic, he's open-minded. He's my type.

I feel like I'm really becoming one with my work environment. I'm bonding with people and today I actually felt like I was part of the family and not the new kid on the block. I'm getting along well with MOSTLY everybody.

There are a few girls who give me a standoffish vibe but that's typical female behavior. One girl on my team in particular hated me from the moment she first met me, it's actually quite funny. I sometimes just talk to her to see the reaction on her face, she usually opens up her eyes very wide, pauses for 5 seconds, and something that is so obviously contrived and insincere pops out. She went to our manager a few days ago when I asked her to do me a favor. Guess I know who to avoid in the future.

She's in her mid-30s, wears tons of make-up and 4 inch heels everyday (I'm not judging, just merely pointing out from an observational point of view) she's got this defense mechanism up. It's the single female behavior in response to intimidation. Women are creatures of comparison. They won't take on to you kindly if they feel you someone degrade their own standard in a way. I have that too, but at least I know how to disguise mine with discretion.

Oh, and I met an older gentleman today as well. Head of something or other. He was so nice, although he did sneak a peak at my chest when he first introduced himself, I mean I wouldn't blame him, I just died a little bit inside because he's about 60 years old. lol.

So, another socially anxious guy in my story coming up ahead.

Guy who sits next to me. New guy, not the one who casually alluded to the fact that I get around.

The one who invited me to lunch few days ago. He's so. _so_. dull.

I cannot get one word out of him, oh my lord jesus have mercy on my tender soul with these people who can't carry on a conversation. It's like pulling teeth with him, like why, *why make 8 hours in a day so dreary and boring*. I'm wondering how I should ease my pain, slowly but surely, that I have to have 1 out of 2 men that I sit next to who won't talk. Refuses to. The other guy is awesome though which compensates but he's rarely around.

I like being surrounded by dudes though. I'm so used to being in an estrogen compact environment it's nice to have some fresh platonic male perspective around. Even if I have to deal with them oggling me when I'm not having the best day and not out to have a pair of eyes on my t*ts or my a** lol.
___________________________________

This is veering on a spiritual/abstract limb here but...

I'm definitely reaching out to higher 'spirit' more often these days, when your life is spinning out of control and you have no sense of direction or security, remember that _faith_, I'm not talking about faith in any one thing or person in particular, faith that there's a guiding force that will back your intuition, your willpower and your strength is one of the most enduring qualities that you can rely on in those periods of uncertainty. I love this passage, and although I am not Jewish, I'm spiritual.



> Remember that joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Some of the world's most miserable people are those whose circumstances seem the most enviable. People who reach the top of the ladder career-wise are often surprised to find emptiness awaiting them. True Joy is a by-product of living in My Presence. Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons&#8230;anywhere.
> 
> Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. *Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problem-solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult days.*
> 
> -Habakkuk 3:17-19


See I'm trying a new thing with my life. For a better 1/4 of my short-lived life, I've led it recklessly. Immorally. No heed for anybody but myself. Cheating, lying, stealing, adultery, back-stabbing, just general human wickedness.

I'm trying a new thing whereby the "_living close to Me_" part as above, is _living close to a clean life_. Exuding positive energy and attracting positive energy as a result. I believe in energy, I believe that when you perform a negative act, like kill a bug, or hurt somebody's feelings, you're leaving a void there in space and time which replenishes itself with negative energy. So every time a lewd thought crosses my mind, like if I think about married men or something or another, I think of this passage above.

I think that I will find hope and positive resolve in my own life if I focus on my connection with the good.

-cali (  )

It's funny though but I asked for a sign this morning if I'm going in the right direction and I received about 4 today. It's odd. It's like there's someone puppeteering over my every move.


----------



## Paper Samurai

knightofdespair said:


> Do you think its the best way? You do realize at some point you will get older, and inevitably the guy is going to find being led around by the balls less and less fulfilling. How is your sense of humor, your ability to just be a good partner without needing attention or something happening constantly?


Yep, I agree with your post.

It's at times like these I'm glad I'm a dude with a very moderate sex drive - my head has always been able to over power my libido.


----------



## calichick

Why have I not seen this video before?

NYC anti-street harassment campaign last summer

*Woman gets catcalled 108 times in 10 hours walking silently throughout the streets of NY with jeans and a tshirt.*






This is some funny s***. Especially the black dude at 0:57 following her for 5 minutes in silence loooooool I am dying.

Apparently there's some ruckus going about recently because of violence which has ensued over women being defended from street harassment by their boyfriends...er one woman's throat was sliced after she wouldn't respond to one of her callers.

Aside from those extreme occurrences, I say God bless the men of the world. D*** mentality is rampant and there is nothing to be ashamed of lady!

Yes I say thank you, I smile at them, I engage them in conversation because it feels good and I'm not complaining -never. Use it while you've got it.

But wow, lady in the video gets some pretty forward guys. I've witnessed the mating rituals of NYC and it is pure entertainment. The men there are renown.

I wonder what my record would be if I stayed out that long. I remember I was alone at night in the city, and in a span of about 15 minutes got about 3 guys coming at me back to back (2 white guys, 1 Mexican), if I do the math, .....basically equates to...men hit on anything with two legs and a pair of breasts!

Rofl!

Gotta love them


----------



## veron

I keep getting mixed signals from the guy at work. Today I walked into his office (which is something I rarely need to do), and when he saw me he got this big smile on his face and he greeted me by my name, again. And then later on in the day, him and I and a bunch of others were having lunch together. And the guys started joking about him hooking up with another coworker (who happened to be there too). He laughed and played along, and started flirting with her. All while sitting across from me :/ They've been teasing him and her about hooking up for a long time now, and I don't know what's the back story on that. They're both single. Whether he made a move on her or not, I don't know. But it's painful having to listen to all that, especially when it's happening right in front of my face :rain


----------



## Barette

^Awwwwwww, sorry about that  Maybe he doesn't know you're interested in him? (idk your earlier posts on this)

I think a guy in my class is probing to set me up with his son. He's also awkward (in a kind, sweet way that I like in people), so maybe that's not his intentions. We were making small talk about Thanksgiving and [paraphrasing,] he said "My son, the real estate developer I mentioned last time, he's 30 years old, how old are you? 21? You're a baby then! You have a nice smile" idk. He didn't naturally go into asking me my age, it was more like "He's 30 what are you". I need to talk to him more... ! I'd be up for it though, 30 year old real estate developer in New York City? Yes PLEASE.

I'm getting frustrated though. All the guys I'm not interested in are interested, all the guys I am interested in aren't that interested back. Whatever flings I've had haven't been what I'm craving for. Maybe I need to look into guys younger than 30 haha. The guy in my class whose chorizo I want so madly tried to make eye contact with me more than once last class and I was an awkward bird and didn't make it back. I can't do that, I'm too ugly to look at another human. Especially a guy whom I mentally molest each class. UGH.

The other 30 year old whom I found so nice and gentle and sweet, well I've been thinking about inviting him to hear an author speak next month, but I don't think he's interested. I'd genuinely want someone to go with, otherwise I'd just be going with my mom (none of my other friends read lol). So I could text him a white lie that I have 2 tickets and that my friend cancelled, and it'd be a shame to waste the ticket and see if he'd want to come... but it'd make me feel too desperate. BUT GODDAMN IT I NEED FRESH MALE COMPANY. That I like! I could have fresh male company that I'm ambivalent towards but what fun is that??? I think he'd genuinely be too uncomfortable going to something with a girl 9 years younger than him, only 1 year into her 20s, even if it's platonic.


----------



## veron

^ Your story with the real estate guy reminds me of my cousin; she became friends with a much older woman at uni, and got invited to her house one day. There, she happened to meet her friend's son, and now they're engaged 

As for the other guy, there's no harm in asking him to go, right? If he's not too keen on going, he'll probably just say so.

My update: just when I thought the situation with the work guy couldn't get much worse, it did. They moved him to my floor. Now I have to see him and interact with him a lot more often. It's hard enough getting over a crush that you don't see, but when I see him so often, how am I supposed to do it


----------



## tilo brown eyes

"What are you doing to get a boy?"

Nothing, because I already have a MAN. Lol


----------



## Barette

veron said:


> ^ Your story with the real estate guy reminds me of my cousin; she became friends with a much older woman at uni, and got invited to her house one day. There, she happened to meet her friend's son, and now they're engaged
> 
> As for the other guy, there's no harm in asking him to go, right? If he's not too keen on going, he'll probably just say so.
> 
> My update: just when I thought the situation with the work guy couldn't get much worse, it did. They moved him to my floor. Now I have to see him and interact with him a lot more often. It's hard enough getting over a crush that you don't see, but when I see him so often, how am I supposed to do it


My horoscope said I'm getting married next September SO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME HOPE OMG. The dad asked me what town I live in (I SWEAR he was fishing, to see if I'm near amirite?) and I asked him his back and he said a very very very wealthy town sooooooooo yes I am talking to him next week haha.

I don't think I'll ask. I've initiated with every single text (4 consecutive ones... soooo...) I think it's time I take the hint.

Awww! That's definitely worse! Have you ever flirted with him, to let him know you're interested? then if he didn't flirt back it wouldn't have been like you put yourself way out there (even if it felt like it).


----------



## veron

^I once smiled at him and he winked at me, lol. But in the following days, he seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. I'm too shy to flirt with guys, generally. And the fact that he's flirting with that other girl right in front of me is quite discouraging. 

They say that the best way to forget about someone is to meet someone else. I need to... get out more :drunk


----------



## Barette

^That's the spirit! His winking at you is a good sign, but flirting is way nervous a thing! 


Boy thought of the day: I love being teased by a guy who's interested. The back and forth is so much fun, and I love playing the giggly and googly girly girl part.


----------



## calichick

I hope all you ladies are near coupled up, less than 30 days left in 2014. One of these damn days, I'm going to log into this ****ty a** site and not be single, just wait and see. I joke, it's not ****ty. Well, not completely.
_________________________________________________

There's this guy at my work.

Older guy. Significantly older guy. One of the executives.

From New Zealand, reminds me of Elad because I've never known anybody from NZ, so I'm glad that "he"/our fellow anglophones "like" me as an American because I've heard we have not so great a reputation in their eyes.

I admire him like no other, he is extremely accomplished and intelligent, and I'm partially afraid of him. He's a cut the bull****, straight to the point guy, always business which is hot.

Well, this is the guy who sat next to me awhile back at one of our parties, but he didn't say a word to me, but whenever I pass him, he turns around to check me out when he thinks I'm not looking, but being the female that I am, have 360 vision so I* always* know when a guy is looking. Came straight toward him in the hall one time and we just locked eyes, dead center, whoa there.

Well, *he called me today*. r-o-f-l, most awkward 3 minutes in the past 2 months.

And I recognized him from his accent and the moment I picked up my phone, he was dead silent for 5 seconds. I'm like "hello, hello who is it" about to hang up, and the moment I hear his voice...I'm like s***. My throat closes up, I can't speak. I'm going to sound like a half-educated buffoon if I even attempt to have a conversation with this guy.

He mumbles that he must have had the wrong number which is extremely unlikely and apologizes and musters out something else which I can't remember at the moment.

This leaves me a little bit confused..My situation is confusing at the moment, I hope it stabilizes out in a few months and I get some clarity, but I've been hoping for clarity for the better part of my life and I have yet to find it.

This passive-aggressive quality in men is frustrating me a little bit. It's fun and it's exciting but it leaves me exhausted trying to play guessing games and wondering if history dictates my future, if it'll be 2 years before a potential guy reveals that he's interested in me and musters up the balls to act on it. Men are so...


----------



## WillYouStopDave

@calichick - That was an entertaining post.


----------



## calichick

WillYouStopDave said:


> @calichick - That was an entertaining post.


I was smiling ear to ear today for 2 whole hours and that's saying a lot for someone who's chronically depressed.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

calichick said:


> I was smiling ear to ear today for 2 whole hours and that's saying a lot for someone who's chronically depressed.


 For whatever it's worth, it's always good to hear that someone has found some comfort somewhere.


----------



## Shameful

I made a joke and it actually made a guy laugh, so I said it 4 more times. It wasn't funny again any of those times.


----------



## veron

calichick said:


> One of these damn days, I'm going to log into this ****ty a** site and not be single, just wait and see.


Cali, we are rooting for you :yay

There's not much of an update from me. The guy from work still smiles at me and says my name whenever we meet in the hallway. I noticed that he has very hairy arms and hands... can't help wondering if the rest of his body is like that...

Oh, and I realized that the guy in my dance class (the one who looks like Paul Walker) isn't into me at all. He seems to like another girl there, however. I don't like this girl because a couple of times she'd arrive late to class and then find her spot right in front of me and the mirror, which would block my view and I'd have to move elsewhere in order to be able to see myself practice. And she did stuff similar to that - practice her moves too close to me, making me pull away, as if trying to assert her territory. What a *****. Oh, and she's ugly too. What on earth does this dude see in her is beyond me.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> Grazi...
> 
> This is my usual type of interaction with men so I am learning the virtue of...patience.


Sounds like you put off an intimidating vibe that makes a lot of them scared to say much.


----------



## calichick

TY Veron, I as well for the single females of SAS, don't let any skank steal your Paul Walker look alike k?

Anywho, I have updates.

Today was *awesome* Ridiculously awesome for cali vs. men of the world.

Need to go workout though, this a** doesn't stay this high with no reason.


----------



## Bert Reynolds

calichick, did you bang that guy in your avatar the other night?


----------



## calichick

Bert Reynolds said:


> calichick, did you bang that guy in your avatar the other night?


You know it.

Except the only thing that was present was my hand.










*Update*

Alright, we crossed that boundary at work today with myself x a bunch of guys. That boundary, straight into dirty skanky hoe zone, what all of ya'll/crimeclub refer to as locker room talk, which I came close to with the guy who called me a sl** last month.

What's weird is I think the men have some type of inside pool about me at work. I was chatting up this one guy as usual since he's never at a loss for words, doesn't even need alcohol to speak his mind and he was telling me his buddy right across from us who is really shy around me, emailed him something when I first moved into the area about the "pretty girl" joining them, and I swear I did not hear 75% of what he said because he was trying to keep his voice low and I didn't want to have to tell him to repeat it and sound like some narcissistic clown, but from there, it all unrolled.

Insert penis joke here, insert penis joke there, again, this guy goes on to imply some nasty s*** about myself which at this point, I've just come to accept and I do realize it's hard for me to turn off the sexual flirtatious vibes which constantly come through in how I interact with men, but I can't help it. I have so much tension built up, it shows in my demeanor and my body language, and at one point, I have 2 guys in front of me hanging off my every word, 2 guys at the side, laughing, and another dude in back of me, I get up to whisper something to guy A, for the ONLY reason that I know the guy in back of me has a thing for me and is always coming near but is so passively timid, lean over so he can get a good, _nice,_ long view which he does and, well, *it's like one giant work orgy*, and I'm loving every second of it.

Original guy asks me what I'm doing later on, if I'm going to go out to socialize, and I reply, "The only socializing I plan on doing is in my bed," without wincing (and I did not even realize what I was implying until about 10 seconds later, tired as I am) and the whole room cracks up, and he says, lady, I hope that means what I think it means.

Long story short, *I have a lunch date tomorrow with no, not one, but TWO guys.* And I am damn proud of myself.

I have come a long a** way from the little girl I was with no backbone 10 years ago, no sense of pride about myself, nor confidence.

It feels so nice, not even gonna front.









To all the girls out there who are having trouble with men, men are not intimidating. Men are not frightening, they're not going to bite. Once you know how to wield them in the proper direction, they can actually be quite fun. It's all about releasing your inhibitions and letting free.

I hope y'all have a good night, need to plan my outfit for tomorrow.

Ciao xo


----------



## Barette

omg I love Amy Schumer


----------



## abc1234

calichick said:


> You know it.
> 
> Except the only thing that was present was my hand.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Update*
> 
> Alright, we crossed that boundary at work today with myself x a bunch of guys. That boundary, straight into dirty skanky hoe zone, what all of ya'll/crimeclub refer to as locker room talk, which I came close to with the guy who called me a sl** last month.
> 
> What's weird is I think the men have some type of inside pool about me at work. I was chatting up this one guy as usual since he's never at a loss for words, doesn't even need alcohol to speak his mind and he was telling me his buddy right across from us who is really shy around me, emailed him something when I first moved into the area about the "pretty girl" joining them, and I swear I did not hear 75% of what he said because he was trying to keep his voice low and I didn't want to have to tell him to repeat it and sound like some narcissistic clown, but from there, it all unrolled.
> 
> Insert penis joke here, insert penis joke there, again, this guy goes on to imply some nasty s*** about myself which at this point, I've just come to accept and I do realize it's hard for me to turn off the sexual flirtatious vibes which constantly come through in how I interact with men, but I can't help it. I have so much tension built up, it shows in my demeanor and my body language, and at one point, I have 2 guys in front of me hanging off my every word, 2 guys at the side, laughing, and another dude in back of me, I get up to whisper something to guy A, for the ONLY reason that I know the guy in back of me has a thing for me and is always coming near but is so passively timid, lean over so he can get a good, _nice,_ long view which he does and, well, *it's like one giant work orgy*, and I'm loving every second of it.
> 
> Original guy asks me what I'm doing later on, if I'm going to go out to socialize, and I reply, "The only socializing I plan on doing is in my bed," without wincing (and I did not even realize what I was implying until about 10 seconds later, tired as I am) and the whole room cracks up, and he says, lady, I hope that means what I think it means.
> 
> Long story short, *I have a lunch date tomorrow with no, not one, but TWO guys.* And I am damn proud of myself.
> 
> I have come a long a** way from the little girl I was with no backbone 10 years ago, no sense of pride about myself, nor confidence.
> 
> It feels so nice, not even gonna front.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> To all the girls out there who are having trouble with men, men are not intimidating. Men are not frightening, they're not going to bite. Once you know how to wield them in the proper direction, they can actually be quite fun. It's all about releasing your inhibitions and letting free.
> 
> I hope y'all have a good night, need to plan my outfit for tomorrow.
> 
> Ciao xo


*what is the point of this?
i gotta know!!
she write's in such entertaining way
but what's her goal?? 
*does the "destruction of man" means she's gonna sleep with many powerful/hot guys and after it tell us ALL the details?

you're an interesting person calichicken 
in fact you're the reason 2 why i enter the "get a boy" thread :um

i bet she get's like 20+ new private msg in every entry by guys try to flirt with her or girl's tell her how much they're inspired by her I'M-HOT-YOU'RE-NOT stories
she's like the KIM KARDASHIAN of SAS...by the way KIM KARDASHIAN GOT SOME HUGH SAS

i don't know why but i always picture calichick dancing on the blood of some unfortunate guy it's kinda weird


----------



## Barette

^i can't tell if that's sarcastic.... I dearly hope it is...


----------



## Umpalumpa

abc1234 said:


> *what is the point of this?
> i gotta know!!
> she write's in such entertaining way
> but what's her goal??
> *does the "destruction of man" means she's gonna sleep with many powerful/hot guys and after it tell us ALL the details?
> 
> you're an interesting person calichicken
> in fact you're the reason 2 why i enter the "get a boy" thread :um
> 
> i bet she get's like 20+ new private msg in every entry by guys try to flirt with her or girl's tell her how much they're inspired by her I'M-HOT-YOU'RE-NOT stories
> she's like the KIM KARDASHIAN of SAS...by the way KIM KARDASHIAN GOT SOME HUGH SAS
> 
> i don't know why but i always picture calichick dancing on the blood of some unfortunate guy it's kinda weird


Lol


----------



## calichick

abc1234 said:


> *what is the point of this?
> i gotta know!!
> she write's in such entertaining way
> but what's her goal??
> *does the "destruction of man" means she's gonna sleep with many powerful/hot guys and after it tell us ALL the details?


What's my goal?

I find comfort in chronologing my life, I think it provides structure and uniformity in an otherwise random string of events and is a form of self-therapy which can allow one to find the over-arching themes that they recognize as recurring in their lives. Just from self-reflection, I've discovered many, otherwise indiscernable, patterns in how I interact with others, men and women, and my own concept of "self."

So if online forums and/or blogs (as I was blogging on this site awhile back but erased it all, I find this topic, other topics provide the same outlet for expression) were not available to accomplish purpose said above, I would still be journaling in a notebook like when I was younger.

I like writing, in a nutshell.

But I'm glad some of you find it so entertaining, I wonder how many lurkers are in this thread.

Gonna guess quite a few.

P.S. You sound familiar abc1234, I'm taking a stab and saying we know eachother already.


----------



## calichick

On the topic of sex @abc1234, I was wondering about what you said earlier today and I do really enjoy sex.

Any kind of sex, just for the purpose of sex. This might make me sound somewhat of a loosey goosey but rarely would I turn down a man if he was clean and just straight out asked for it (which 99.9% of men would never do)

I like to be sexually intimate with a man even if I'm not in love with him, (ok, I'm not portraying myself in the best light here Lol but it's true)

It's the adrenaline rush, it's the build up and the release.

You can _never_ have enough, I'm sorry.

Sometimes a girl just needs a good bone and there's plenty of that flying around everywhere.


----------



## abc1234

calichick said:


> P.S. You sound familiar abc1234, I'm taking a stab and saying we know eachother already.


i'm 24 and never been in the U.S so...no
but after reading this:



calichick said:


> Any kind of sex, just for the purpose of sex. This might make me sound somewhat of a loosey goosey but rarely would I turn down a man if he was clean and just straight out asked for it (which 99.9% of men would never do)
> 
> I like to be sexually intimate with a man even if I'm not in love with him, (ok, I'm not portraying myself in the best light here Lol but it's true)


i wish i did

and there's no point to write about what just happened...because it's live..
100000-0 to calichich vs man
by the way if we'd go on a date you would write all about it...during the date!! while i'm talking to you!! even during sex? wow


----------



## calichick

abc1234 said:


> i'm 24 and never been in the U.S so...no
> but after reading this:
> 
> i wish i did
> 
> and there's no point to write about what just happened...because it's live..
> 100000-0 to calichich vs man
> by the way if we'd go on a date you would write all about it...during the date!! while i'm talking to you!!((even during sex (if we'd get there?) wow))


Your age and your location are not important, there are people from all walks of life on this board.

I was merely speculating if you had another more recognizable SAS account since some of your phrases are familiar.

"There's no point to write" = seems kind of ironic considering you're on an online forum, no?

I'd probably write about it after all is said and done, I'm not the type of girl to bust out my phone when with (good) company. I'm thinking that if someone finds the time to type out a paragraph while you are supposedly penetrating them then

Honey, it ain't good.


----------



## abc1234

calichick said:


> Your age and your location are not important, there are people from all walks of life on this board.
> 
> I was merely speculating if you had another more recognizable SAS account since some of your phrases are familiar.
> 
> "There's no point to write" = seems kind of ironic considering you're on an online forum, no?
> 
> I'd probably write about it after all is said and done, I'm not the type of girl to bust out my phone when with (good) company. I'm thinking that if someone finds the time to type out a paragraph while you are supposedly penetrating them then
> 
> Honey, it ain't good.


nope, never owned another account..

you seems like an intellectual person....not as superficial as i first though when i read your posts.

but i was wondering how you see your future-won't you feel lonely when you hit 40+ without someone who take care of you and don't leave after 1 night? won't you feel alone without (God forbid) kids?

i mean you can continue to "have fun" but it's all about balance(you can't have fun 24/7) and *your options start's to run out really fast as you're getting older+beauty come's and goes right?*

how would your posts be like when you 50? "i saw this really hot guy on a wheelchair wearing only diapers in the elderly citizens' home....but unfortunately he died this morning may the lord bless his soul."

i know this post sound's like i'm preaching to you...but i'm curious, like i said before you're an interesting and complicated person like the rest of us.. think about it girl..don't waste all your ovum's+your parents will be proud


----------



## calichick

You can be equally superficial and intelligent, they are not mutually exclusive.

I care about looks, grooming and large d***s just like the average girl.

You have to look at it this way, all this fun and games is meant to weed out the bad crop until the right one comes along. Because if I met him already there would be no point to any of this, we would not be speaking.


Also, is 50 considered senior citizen status nowadays?

Why gosh darn it, makes me look really bad when one of the posts above was about a 50 yr old, cradle robber much.

Alright sugar muffin, I'm off to bed.

Night.


----------



## brothersport

nothing, tbh. If someone eventually comes along, thats awesome. If not, c'est la vie


----------



## the collector

calichick said:


> Any kind of sex, just for the purpose of sex. This might make me sound somewhat of a loosey goosey but rarely would I turn down a man if he was clean and just straight out asked for it (which 99.9% of men would never do)
> 
> I like to be sexually intimate with a man even if I'm not in love with him, (ok, I'm not portraying myself in the best light here Lol but it's true)
> 
> It's the adrenaline rush, it's the build up and the release.


ur exagerating...right?? Do you know alot of other women like this??? Haha...and, u DO know that guys are more bold about staight up asking for sex online?


----------



## calichick

the collector said:


> ur exagerating...right?? Do you know alot of other women like this??? Haha...and, u DO know that guys are more bold about staight up asking for sex online?


I am aware of this thing that you speak of :lol

This is mainly one of the reasons why I used to use dating sites, because the men have no inhibitions being that it isn't face to face and anything goes when you're not staring the person directly in the eyes.

No, not kidding. In this little head of mine, I've been trying to formulate a better approach to inciting men to pursue me purely for sexual favors and nothing more. I think often times, they are just afraid to be up front about it.

I am trying to push the boundaries with regards to my attitude and demeanor and how I interact with them.


----------



## the collector

^

you seem like *one* amazing woman...:yes:love2


----------



## calichick

the collector said:


> ^
> 
> you seem like *one* amazing woman...:yes:love2


You say that on the surface but when you meet a woman who is incapable of forming an emotional connection with a man and is the psychological equivalent of a train wreck, I'm sure things aren't that pretty on the inside.

Also, a lot of men are full of bullsh*t. They can front all they want about being able to have sex without feelings, but then you proceed to drop all contact with them and they become Stage 5 clinger..

Men and their possessiveness.


----------



## estse

I'm doing backflips over trash cans and beating rhythms with live human hearts (to the chagrin of the instruments). Still, no ****ing girl.


----------



## calichick

I had lunch with another guy that I met today.

He's a *raging* homosexual though, which I love.

Tomorrow, I have my lunch date with the two guys.

I think that I am becoming one of those females who is always surrounded by men because the majority of women at my work do not take a particular liking to me.

I smile at them, I try to make small talk and feign interest in their lives, but I just can't seem to latch on.

Whatever. Guys have less bullsh*t to offer anyways.

I need to plan an absolute amazing outfit for tomorrow...what to wear..what to wear...










:lol ^^something I would've worn 5 years ago..

Capital Sl*t!

and proud of it


----------



## darkhoboelf

Are you all a bunch of pedophiles?Why are you trying to get boys?Shouldn't you be trying to get grown men?


----------



## funnynihilist

calichick said:


> No, not kidding. In this little head of mine, I've been trying to formulate a better approach to inciting men to pursue me purely for sexual favors and nothing more. I think often times, they are just afraid to be up front about it.


Well yeah, these days guys have to be hyper-vigilent over sexual harassment accusations or at the very least being labeled as the local "creeper".


----------



## calichick

funnynihilist said:


> Well yeah, these days guys have to be hyper-vigilent over sexual harassment accusations or at the very least being labeled as the local "creeper".


I make sure to deter any doubts about my intentions by pushing my boobs up and out, and referring to their penis in a loving, but gentle manner, all the while licking my lips while inching closer and closer to them









You'd think I must be kidding. I wish I was.

....how many more 'subtle' hints can a girl drop in order that it gets through their tiny brains that we want the D...


----------



## funnynihilist

calichick said:


> I make sure to deter any doubts about my intentions by pushing my boobs up and out, and referring to their penis in a loving, but gentle manner, all the while licking my lips while inching closer and closer to them
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You'd think I must be kidding. I wish I was.
> ..how many more 'subtle' hints can a girl drop in order that it gets through their tiny brains that we want the D...


Don't be surprised if in the future a guy hands you a "Sexual Activities Release Form" to sign that states "I ______ do hereby grant ______ permission to fondle, grope, kiss, rub, stimulate, copulate, bring self to climax, nuzzle, spoon, lick, pull hair lightly, spank lightly, and any other adult sexual activities that abide herein the laws of the state of ______, to my person. Signed ________"

Of course before any sexual act can actually occur this will all have to be notarized with at least two witness signatures. Then let the fun begin!!!


----------



## abc1234

calichick said:


> I make sure to deter any doubts about my intentions by pushing my boobs up and out, and referring to their penis in a loving, but gentle manner, all the while licking my lips while inching closer and closer to them
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You'd think I must be kidding. I wish I was.


what you're doing sound's great...but not awesome.

_Staff Edit_


----------



## calichick

funnynihilist said:


> Don't be surprised if in the future a guy hands you a "Sexual Activities Release Form" to sign that states "I ______ do hereby grant ______ permission to fondle, grope, kiss, rub, stimulate, copulate, bring self to climax, nuzzle, spoon, lick, pull hair lightly, spank lightly, and any other adult sexual activities that abide herein the laws of the state of ______, to my person. Signed ________"
> 
> Of course before any sexual act can actually occur this will all have to be notarized with at least two witness signatures. Then let the fun begin!!!





abc1234 said:


> what you're doing sound's great...but not excellent.


I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that the both of you are not partaking in the 'No Fap in December' Challenge.


----------



## gunner21




----------



## inane

Um I'm not sure if I'm interrupting something here, but I think I might be having sex for the first time soon (22F, the guy is 32M). I don't have health coverage where I am right now as I recently moved across provinces so I'll need to find a way to start looking after my reproductive health- stuff like UTI/BV prevention, STD screening, birth control, hygiene, etc. If things get that far with the guy I'm seeing I mean... We've only been seeing each other for a few hours every Saturday for the past month.


----------



## ImBrittany

Nothing. Literally nothing. And this might sound horrible but whenever there is someone obviously interested (hardly ever), I kinda feel like there's something wrong with their judgement so I wouldn't want to pursue them anyway.


----------



## estse

I'm stocking up on energy drinks, paper towels, and vaseline, but still no darnit boy.


----------



## veron

This doesn't really have anything to do with me "getting a boy," but I'd like to boast about my latest social successes  I went out recently and asked guys to dance with me! I went with my friend, and we noticed that there were a bunch of guys standing around doing nothing, and a bunch of girls standing around doing nothing, and that guys don't ask girls to dance unless they're good friends with them. Since we didn't know any guys there, we figured we were going to be just standing around the whole time. Soooo I went up to one and asked him to dance. And later on did the same thing with a few others. Something I've never done before, so I'm proud of myself 

Back on topic... I still can't get that work guy out of my mind. Today we made eye contact, and I got butterflies in my stomach... why oh why oh why? He's not what anyone would call conventionally good looking. In fact, a lot of girls would probably consider him ugly. He's weird. There's nothing too special about him. So why do I like him so much? 

I met another guy recently, who took an interest in me (asked me about what I do, etc.). Not sure if he was just being friendly or if he's hoping for more. I'll be seeing him again soon.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Um I'm not sure if I'm interrupting something here, but I think I might be having sex for the first time soon (22F, the guy is 32M). I don't have health coverage where I am right now as I recently moved across provinces so I'll need to find a way to start looking after my reproductive health- stuff like UTI/BV prevention, STD screening, birth control, hygiene, etc. If things get that far with the guy I'm seeing I mean... We've only been seeing each other for a few hours every Saturday for the past month.


Good luck


----------



## calichick

@inane- congrats girly :clap

Just remember, the first time, is the worst time. And I've found in my personal experience older men are more easily stimulated, I lost my virginity to a 35 yr old @ 19, and I gave him a nickname: "3 pumps done" LOL

It's funny because it's true. :cry

@veron why don't you say something to this work guy you can't get out of your head? Just a hello good morning, how are you. Break the ice out and judge if there's something there.

Today was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.

I went out with two men for lunch and I felt like a balla because right before I was about to leave with them, another guy asked me to lunch. Balling, HARDCORE.

Anyways, one of the guys is single, one of the guys has a girlfriend. I'm 85% sure there's some kind of inside discussion about me between a few (or a lot) of the men behind my back because they're always snickering, and throwing glances at eachother when I say something, and they seem to chat with eachother on IM so I'm not getting the gist of it, I just hope for damn sure it's not too raunchy, mmnk, I like me some appreciation but not on the lewd side.

Afterwards, the taken one invited me to drinks tomorrow.

Nah buddy, I'm not about that anymore. I'm not touching married/hooked up/partnered/coupled men with a 10 foot pole, single men need only apply. I'm trying by that exert positive energy, attract positive energy mantra, and playing with what's NOT mine is not in the agenda.

Men...

The nerve of them, stick to your woman *****hole


----------



## AussiePea

calichick said:


> Whatever. Guys have less bullsh*t to offer anyways.





calichick said:


> Anyways, one of the guys is single, one of the guys has a girlfriend. I'm 85% sure there's some kind of inside discussion about me between a few (or a lot) of the men behind my back because they're always snickering, and throwing glances at eachother when I say something, and they seem to chat with eachother on IM so I'm not getting the gist of it, I just hope for damn sure it's not too raunchy, mmnk, I like me some appreciation but not on the lewd side.
> 
> Afterwards, the taken one invited me to drinks tomorrow.
> 
> Nah buddy, I'm not about that anymore. I'm not touching married/hooked up/partnered/coupled men with a 10 foot pole, single men need only apply. I'm trying by that exert positive energy, attract positive energy mantra, and playing with what's NOT mine is not in the agenda.
> 
> Men...
> 
> The nerve of them, stick to your woman *****hole


I laughed.


----------



## calichick

I was reflecting back on the last 4 months today, and I was thinking, 98% of the men (straight that is) that I have encountered over the past few months have either attempted to hit on me/ask me out/veer convo toward a sexual nature.

Either my game has improved tenfold from where it was 3 years ago, or I'm mastering the art of seduction but I am getting a lot of positive feedback.

At my last job, the boss that hired me was interested.
At the one after that, my direct work partner asked me out.
Another guy also asked me out in the short time I was there.
At my current job, my work partner insinuated I was a sl*T
2 guys asked me to lunch
One of the guys made a comment that another guy the other day was trying to hit on me when it was I who was hitting on him, and he called him a jerk. I thought that was quite funny. He mistook female advance for typical male behavior, crikey my game is seen as an inadvertent attempt to thwart advances
Pretty sure one of the heads has a crush on me. Is married though.
Met a gay best friend (hoping he's gay)


^ if this is not game, what is?

Ladies, GAME.

Get
At
Male
Emotions 

It's a beautiful concept really. It entails a simple 5-step plan to becoming something of an enigma in men's eyes. Operative word being eyes, because men can see faster than they can think, so it's rather important to distract them with breasts...er I mean your beautiful eyes when you're pulling a one over on them :lol


I joke :teeth


----------



## blue2

Followin Cali advice :evil


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> Followin Cali advice :evil


You're gay?

Oh I love your new avvy and status..so seasonal.

Why I've been so distracted with manhunting/my job, I haven't had a chance to get in the festive mood 



AussiePea said:


> I laughed.


You want to know what the thing is?

The thing is, when men want something they straight out ask for it. So if they want to cheat on their girlfriend or wife or whatever, they'll be like, I want to cheat on my girlfriend/wife with you because I'm only thinking with my d*** in the moment and therefore my brain function is compromised.

See, with women, no no no. It don't work like that.

When a woman tells you she likes you (me), with that big, toothy grin of hers, she's really secretly planning your demise and potentially scheming taking you out in the parking lot after hours because these ho*s ain't normal.

Nah, it's really, REALLY hard to trust a woman at face value for the things she says or does.

Women were born natural conartists. I would care about women, and centering all that negative energy on other females if I wasn't so enraptured in men. Girl like me doesn't have time to cater to the vagina, that's not in my schedule lol


----------



## blue2

^^ I can act gay yes its a special talent thanks, you need hot man wearin a santa hat for festive mood right 








...me lookin that up on google was so gay :afr I'm goin to sleep


----------



## AussiePea

calichick said:


> You want to know what the thing is?
> 
> The thing is, when men want something they straight out ask for it. So if they want to cheat on their girlfriend or wife or whatever, they'll be like, I want to cheat on my girlfriend/wife with you because I'm only thinking with my d*** in the moment and therefore my brain function is compromised.


But they won't tell their wife/gf that, so if you're on the other end of the deal it's not so straight forward and obvious.


----------



## someguy85

So i've read a few posts on here and I am curious how many girls actually ask men out? If so, why not? I think you'll get a lot more dates that way if you do


----------



## calichick

blue2 said:


> ^^ I can act gay yes its a special talent thanks, you need hot man wearin a santa hat for festive mood right
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...me lookin that up on google was so gay :afr I'm goin to sleep


Aw you're too kind love muffin, good night!

like the fact that he even kept it non whitebread for me Rofl



AussiePea said:


> But they won't tell their wife/gf that, so if you're on the other end of the deal it's not so straight forward and obvious.


More male cheaters get caught versus female cheaters though.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161706/Almost-women-cheat-caught-partners---fifth-men-DO-out.html


----------



## calichick

someguy85 said:


> So i've read a few posts on here and I am curious how many girls actually ask men out? If so, why not? I think you'll get a lot more dates that way if you do


Hi old friend.

You in a relationship yet?

Can you believe how far I've come in terms of men. We grow up sooner or later...


----------



## someguy85

calichick said:


> Hi old friend.
> 
> You in a relationship yet?
> 
> Can you believe how far I've come in terms of men. We grow up sooner or later...


No. I've dated here and there but not proactive enough to make it happen as of late. Same story.

Just curious if any girls here ask guys out


----------



## srschirm

someguy85 said:


> So i've read a few posts on here and I am curious how many girls actually ask men out? If so, why not? I think you'll get a lot more dates that way if you do


No doubt.


----------



## Barette

AussiePea said:


> I laughed.


As did I. I'm also enjoying her posts about the manhunt and going after men with tits out and lips licked, when in a response to me she said that you need to ignore men completely in order to get their attention.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> As did I. I'm also enjoying her posts about the manhunt and going after men with tits out and lips licked, when in a response to me she said that you need to ignore men completely in order to get their attention.


Some men like it when women play the whole make them work for it game... But generally not men with SA... We tend to not be sure if we're reading the signals right anyway, and I have to admit from Cali's descriptions she is exactly the sort I would notice, but never say much. From feedback I've had from female friends in the past, most decent looking women try to get my attention with subtle hints and I never notice or act on it, and then they seem to get angry lol. Some of us guys just need something a bit more direct.


----------



## calichick

someguy85 said:


> No. I've dated here and there but not proactive enough to make it happen as of late. Same story.
> 
> Just curious if any girls here ask guys out


I may just have to now.

//

Omg guys and girls, I cannot stop thinking about this one guy at my work.

****** ****** white bread (I know, the Irish variety too).

But even though whitebread isn't my type per se, like I've said again and again the compatability component is what gets me so hot because they are soooooo docile and I love it.

He is a manager, mid-30s, soooooooo soft spoken and passive aggressive, typical BETA. I LOVE it. No backbone or self-confidence whatsoever. A man I know I can just boss around and walk all over and we'd live happily ever after.

But, all he does is stare, and stare and stare, and stare. And then stare some more which is typical beta male behavior.

I really need him to ask me out. We've only talked once, but I need him to do it now. Tomorrow.

When I catch him staring tomorrow, I'm going to turn around in my seat and give him a big smile. It'll be perfect.



knightofdespair said:


> Some men like it when women play the whole make them work for it game... But generally not men with SA... We tend to not be sure if we're reading the signals right anyway, and I have to admit from Cali's descriptions she is exactly the sort I would notice, but never say much. From feedback I've had from female friends in the past, most decent looking women try to get my attention with subtle hints and I never notice or act on it, and then they seem to get angry lol. Some of us guys just need something a bit more direct.


Speaking of beta, you sound like my type of guy


----------



## estse

I'm fluffing the bartender, but he won't even give me his name.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

calichick said:


> I had lunch with another guy that I met today.
> 
> He's a *raging* homosexual though, which I love.
> 
> Tomorrow, I have my lunch date with the two guys.
> 
> *I think that I am becoming one of those females who is always surrounded by men because the majority of women at my work do not take a particular liking to me.
> *
> 
> I smile at them, I try to make small talk and feign interest in their lives, but I just can't seem to latch on.
> 
> Whatever. Guys have less bullsh*t to offer anyways.
> 
> I need to plan an absolute amazing outfit for tomorrow...what to wear..what to wear...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :lol ^^something I would've worn 5 years ago..
> 
> Capital Sl*t!
> 
> and proud of it


Perhaps they are terrified. Good to see this thread is still gold.


----------



## calichick

Barette said:


> As did I. I'm also enjoying her posts about the manhunt and *going after men with tits out and lips licked, *when in a response to me she said that you need to ignore men completely in order to get their attention.


Um Barette darling, nowhere in Cali's rulebook on _how to catch a man_ does it say that doing those things means in some way that you need to acknowledge the man in any way shape or form.

Why, you can have your boobs out, licking your lips AND your a** shaking all the while never even giving the man a slight taste of recognition that he even exists.

Why, I do it all the time, why do you think they stare.

That's only Step 1 though, see once you bring them to the yard with intrigue, you need to then decide if you're interested in escalating to the next level which is where im at right now with whitebread above.

Now..if you excuse me, I need to go straighten my hair and self-tan for tomorrow. I need to look to die for when I confront this guy.


----------



## estse

I'm pissing on pavement and shoving pigeons into mailboxes and these boys give me no attention. Need to decorate my chocolate tits and wax my who-ha (sp?) in the company of a Brazilian. Then I'll get the ****ed.


----------



## inane

calichick said:


> @*inane*- congrats girly :clap
> 
> Just remember, the first time, is the worst time. And I've found in my personal experience older men are more easily stimulated, I lost my virginity to a 35 yr old @ 19, and I gave him a nickname: "3 pumps done" LOL
> 
> It's funny because it's true. :cry


Thanks hun :squeeze I just asked my guy over text (while on break at work lol) about it and he was caught off guard. We had a short but pretty candid conversation and he said he had been careful not to pressure me into anything because he had a feeling I was a virgin... And said it would be his "responsibility" to make my first time a positive experience. He's a French dude... 10/10 highly recommended so far, these guys are amazingly smooth :lol Ladies find a French guy!!

He's not that much older than me though... 32 and 22 isn't that weird, and he looks/acts like he's 27. I also thought men are more easily finished when they're younger :blank But what do I know about this stuff lol.


----------



## Barette

This thread is turning into pure ****ing gold. The only thing getting spun faster than the fiction, is the gold it's producing.


----------



## estse

^****ing Rumpelstiltskin.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> Speaking of beta, you sound like my type of guy


Eh truth is I never really fit it either of those pretty limited categories. I do think I would notice you but I also know when I'm being toyed around with.. I generally don't bother with anything unless I figure it would work out long term, if I'm the only one compromising then no way it would.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Eh truth is I never really fit it either of those pretty limited categories. I do think I would notice you but I also know when I'm being toyed around with.. I generally don't bother with anything unless I figure it would work out long term, if I'm the only one compromising then no way it would.


You would do as I ordered you because that's the way the world spins sugarpuff.


----------



## Umpalumpa

:um


----------



## calichick

I have my company holiday party next week but it would be absolutely mortifying if I went it alone.


It's times like these when I wish I hadn't blown off all those guys who have asked me out in the past few months.

You keep them around, if not for the sole purpose of not being alone at events. Duh!


Rent-a-Boyfriend ain't looking too shabby atm.

I could get a hunky part-time male model and then we'd miraculously fall in love at the end of it and...wait.


----------



## shyvr6

Posts have been removed. Please stay on-topic. The last warning was awhile ago, so this thread will stay open, but the thread will be closed if the staff has to step in again no matter how much time has passed.


----------



## Barette

Damn, I missed the fun


----------



## abc1234

they deleted it...i got marriage proposal's by 2 different dudes here.

when i first entered the "get a boy" thread i would never imagine that i'll literally get a boy...since i'm straight...not alone two..
ladies here: what do i know that you don't?

p.s- i'm sorry if i offended anyone...it was just humor to me..don't be mad please.
calichick you're my favorite girl in this forum maybe that's why i'm teasing you 

ya'll should get back to the topic...i'll try to keep my comments to myself if they're unrelated to the subject cuse it's not fair to the ladies here that are trying to get the second(or the firth?) half.

i'm out.


----------



## calichick

I already have to deal with the whole intimidation hurdle in real life - because that's what it is, a hurdle and it's nearly always my job to help ease their fears and it's getting monotonously boring, no need to bend over backwards so easily on the internet. Lol.


----------



## funnynihilist

Trust me kids, when you hit middle age you will see how boring it all is! Try n' have some fun now while you are young.


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> Damn, I missed the fun


It was the most I've ever laughed while browsing SAS.


----------



## calichick

Don't know bout any other ladies here but I'm looking to get hitched in a few years and I plan to detail each and every single step along the way.

....cali, calm yourself, you'll get there one day...


----------



## calichick

Speaking of d***, if I ever wrote a book, I'd name it: _The Penis Chronicles: Tales from the Crypt_

I can see it right now, I'd go under an alias so no one would know my real identity...much like my persona on this site...


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> Speaking of d***, *if I ever wrote a book, I'd name it: The Penis Chronicles: Tales from the Crypt*
> 
> I can see it right now, I'd go under an alias so no one would know my real identity...much like my persona on this site...


Thought for sure you were going to go with _Penisnado_. I always sort of imagine you surrounded by a whirlwind of penises.


----------



## probably offline

This thread is like a broken record. A record that wasn't even good to begin with.


----------



## Fruitcake

probably offline said:


> This thread is like a broken record. A record that wasn't even good to begin with.


Yep, I'm relieved that it's not just me.

I think it sucks that there isn't a positive/supportive space for most women who actually want to talk about this stuff.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> I always sort of imagine you surrounded by a whirlwind of penises.


You were not mistaken my friend.

I have some type of magical effect on the penis; feel like I'm constantly getting b****slapped, can get overwhelming without the proper precautionary gear and preventative measures.

But who am I kidding, I would be a fool to deny it its salvage


----------



## Barette

Probably and Fruitcake,

Its probably because a lot of us are trying to solve bigger issues than getting a boyfriend, so there's not much to post in here. I've had a few trials and tribulations but I just have too much to worry about than to be concerned over guys, but maybe that's just me and for those really looking for guys this thread is unwelcoming given all that goes on. It would be fun to boost up other girls in their trying and give advice :/ its a fun thread to laugh at rn (emphasis on 'at'), so maybe someone can start a new thread? Like, "The Girls Room" or something.


----------



## inane

Had a bad date yesterday, and it was all my fault  I feel so bad.

This is my dream guy and I keep ruining things over and over. He has to be losing patience.


----------



## Barette

Karen you're too sweet.


----------



## Barette

inane said:


> Had a bad date yesterday, and it was all my fault  I feel so bad.
> 
> This is my dream guy and I keep ruining things over and over. He has to be losing patience.


What happened?


----------



## estse

Seems like some more posts have been deleted, but I've been drunkish so maybe not.

But AH, I see the real reason this thread was disappointing. I think that flew right over my head. I generally post the same type of **** in threads like this and "Get a Girl," though maybe being a boy I shouldn't post about trying to get that boy, not being a girl.

My advice (being a big man boy) is for women to approach us and talk to us of the strong silent types (laughs at this misconception). You know we'd be flattered. It's more difficult than it should be, but it is the way of meeting people.


----------



## darkhoboelf

Well I'm not trying to get a boy lol.To try and get a girl I'd just go somewere and try to talk to a girl.If she seemed interested in me,I would invite her somewere so we can spend more time together.After that,If we both thought we were a good match then I guess that would make her my gf.


----------



## gunner21

Y'all should make a new group or something.


----------



## calichick

gunner21 said:


> Y'all should make a new group or something.


I agree with this suggestion.

So many people complaining yet faithfully reading it daily LOL

If you start a woman's group, I *promise* not to join.

Just cause it's a "cali" thread no respect around here I get no respect.

I'm going to start needing to add some imagery to my narratives. That'll shut up the majority of people here I'm quite certain.

In fact, I may post a pic of my holiday party outfit, we'll see how my mood is later.

Ciao folks! Keep it Classy.


----------



## Mikko

I usually chat with them like all day. But I've lost all those abilities because I feel I don't want to start a love relationship now.


----------



## inane

Barette said:


> What happened?


I've been having a lot of difficulty with being affectionate. He's noticed and commented to me stuff like why I'm always looking away from him, how I stand away, and he does this thing where he shakes his head and smiles bemusedly because I'm so awkward. It's not just me having low self-esteem either- he has _told _me several times how awkward I am. He got up to kiss me goodbye yesterday when I was getting up to leave at my transit stop and I didn't even look at him before running off. He hasn't texted me since (we usually text everyday).

I've tried communicating, telling him that I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time and I feel very shy around him specifically because I like him so much (true). The way he looks at me, how if I'm up close I know he'll want to kiss me, is so flattering and makes me feel so insecure because I don't actually feel good enough for him. How he must be a saint not to be embarrassed to be seen with me in public.

He's asked me if there's anything he could do to make me more comfortable, but I don't think there is. I'm just too much of a basketcase. This is a really well-adjusted guy who doesn't understand anxiety or depression the way people on this site might.

F-ck I'm just depressed because it's been so, so long since I've liked someone so much and to have it reciprocated, only to realize that I'm not suited to make anything of it :|

Sorry that all just came out. I just wish I could redo yesterday.


----------



## Barette

@inane

Don't be sorry! venting is good! And writing about it all may help you get a clearer head of how to go about it now.

He must really like you, if he texts you everyday and has asked what it is he could do to help you. I mean, that's super sweet. Even if you don't think there is, there must be ways. Maybe just taking it really really slowly, start with just holding hands or sitting close together or something, you know? Just something slow, introducing romance bit by bit. He's been patient, so I think maybe you should just push through. otherwise you both will be unhappy, and both regretful about what you could've done better. Try and push through! it'll be massively uncomfortable but it seems like this guy is absolutely worth it.

You think he's too good for you, but he thinks the total opposite. That's the kind of person to keep around in your life, the kind who sees something great in you when you don't see it yourself. Try not to put a nail in the coffin by saying you're just too much a basket case, when you haven't exhausted all the options!

IDK, he sounds too great to pass up because your issues are too overwhelming. because they'll AlWAYS be overwhelming if you don't work and work and work on them. Maybe in time, they'll grow more and more bearable, to where you can be content, and even happy with this guy, and your issues are just barely audible buzzing background noise.


----------



## veron

Don't worry inane, there will be other chances  With the physical stuff, you just have to take the plunge. And then you'll probably think how silly it was to have been scared of it. I was petrified of the first kiss with my ex, but when it happened, I was so glad I did it (not to mention, him, too).

If you really like this guy, don't let him slip away. Let him kiss you. We're rooting for you :boogie


----------



## inane

Thanks girls. He's a pretty gentle and affectionate guy, but I think someone can only have so much patience. It's the first day we haven't texted at all since we first went out  I'm not sure what to do.


----------



## veron

^Text him. It'll probably make him go "yaaaaay." No guy wants a passive girlfriend who waits for him to make every first move


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> ^Text him. It'll probably make him go "yaaaaay." No guy wants a passive girlfriend who waits for him to make every first move


So much this


----------



## inane

veron said:


> ^Text him. It'll probably make him go "yaaaaay." No guy wants a passive girlfriend who waits for him to make every first move





knightofdespair said:


> So much this


Man, you guys. I'm not that terrible. I'm actually the one who approached him first (we used to take the same bus in the mornings)- asked for his name, made smalltalk, etc. I was also the one brought up the sex conversation, and I text him first all the time. Asked him a lot of questions, especially the first few weeks when he barely made a peep. Regularly asked him about his day and stuff thereafter. And when we've gone out, I've made sure that he's never had to pay for anything for me (e.g. he'd buy our movie tickets ahead of time so I'd push him out of the way to pay for dinner lol).

But I'm not his girlfriend and I'm really not passive. Though admittedly, he is usually the one who asks to go out.

Anyways we didn't text Sunday but got a text after work today from him asking, "So what's going on?" :blank I wasn't sure what he meant and just said work as usual. I hope he brushes off my neuroticisms as just being a younger woman... :eyes


----------



## calichick

Eventful day today:

1) Married guy who I thought was gay gave me his number today by email and told me to call him.

F***ing A, is this what's in store for me for the rest of eternity? Married men coming on to me? I swear I get hit on by more married men than single men (either that or all the good ones are taken).

If you are married, do NOT be giving out your number to women. No, no, no douchebag alert.

2) Another one of the execs at my work - the one who I had an amazing one hour conversation with back when, he treats me so strangely.

When I first met this man, he couldn't take his eyes off me, we were just sitting in silence for quite sometime and he would stare at me and then mumble something like, "oh sorry forgot what was I saying". Anyways, he was giving me the vibe today.

One thing: HE'S MARRIED.

F*** my LIFE.

3.) The most incredibly handsome (2) men, I've spotted at my work, I would die happy with any of them, they're the apple of my eye, the sugar to my cake, haven't met them yet, just exchanged glances. One I spotted awhile ago and my exact reaction upon laying eyes on him: _Holy s*** that is one handsome dude_. Guy has hair like a Grecian god and built solid, not juicehead bulk, but just a solid man.

Please be single, God please.

4) I've decided to go to graduate school.

My brain is way too precious to let it go to waste at this age. Stability is so overrated.

Have a good night

Ciao xoxo

Bleh.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> If you are married, do NOT be giving out your number to women. No, no, no douchebag alert.


Lol yeah from my experience most of the guys with the ego to just walk up and give women their numbers don't care really what woman it is, or if they're married/etc either. They will do that with any woman in range, probably ALL of them.

I'm more like the guys in #3 , but I rarely would approach a woman I barely knew, and especially if she is hot because it is just so much embarrassment if they reject you, and I feel like I have a certain amount of worth and dignity that its just demeaning to go through all that. So I'm usually the dude that you notice looking but never says much. Usually thinking how or if I should even bother trying to talk.


----------



## calichick

knightofdespair said:


> Lol yeah from my experience most of the guys with the ego to just walk up and give women their numbers don't care really what woman it is, or if they're married/etc either.


What you talking about?

This was not a cold approach, I rarely seal a transaction in a cold approach, meaning men will approach me but we don't end up exchanging phone numbers apart from the typical cut it clean dude, "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"

No. I had lunch twice with this guy, he called me to complain about his personal problems.

This is how some married men get their "cheap thrills". They're not cheating per se, but they dance dangerously around connecting with you on an emotional level.

F*** me, how do I know more about married men than single men?

I feel like there are no single men left in the world. Even the bottom of the barrel is taken, I'm left fending for scraps like a poor alley cat. Maybe I should start going to bars instead of picking up men @ work. Nothing good seems to come of it.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> What you talking about?
> 
> This was not a cold approach, I rarely seal a transaction in a cold approach, meaning men will approach me but we don't end up exchanging phone numbers apart from the typical cut it clean dude, "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"
> 
> No. I had lunch twice with this guy, he called me to complain about his personal problems.
> 
> This is how some married men get their "cheap thrills". They're not cheating per se, but they dance dangerously around connecting with you on an emotional level.
> 
> F*** me, how do I know more about married men than single men?
> 
> I feel like there are no single men left in the world. Even the bottom of the barrel is taken, I'm left fending for scraps like a poor alley cat. Maybe I should start going to bars instead of picking up men @ work. Nothing good seems to come of it.


In general the married men are the ones I see who will randomly bother the hot women at work and not really care which ones they are talking to either, they will hit on all of them indiscriminately. They have nothing to lose really, while the single guys will usually watch from a distance.


----------



## Barette

^Yeah, married men's standards are usually way waaaay lower. Trust me on this, I get hit on by them a lot too. A lot of young women do, it's par the course. Typically it's the cheat the like, not the particular piece of action, so they just toss it out there indiscriminately. Of course, I hate to throw a wrench in the spokes of cali's plot twist.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> ^Yeah, married men's standards are usually way waaaay lower. Trust me on this, I get hit on by them a lot too. A lot of young women do, it's par the course. Typically it's the cheat the like, not the particular piece of action, so they just toss it out there indiscriminately. Of course, I hate to throw a wrench in the spokes of cali's plot twist.


A lot of it is just the work environment I think... It is usually easier for the married managers to stand around 'managing' their hot workers but for the single guys who usually aren't higher level yet, they have no good excuse and the married managers will usually throw their dicks around if they perceive the single guys not 'working'..


----------



## veron

inane said:


> Man, you guys. I'm not that terrible. I'm actually the one who approached him first (we used to take the same bus in the mornings)- asked for his name, made smalltalk, etc.


Ahhh, ok. I got the wrong impression there!

My update: there's not really much to report. I keep falling more and more for my work colleague, and I'm not liking it. He looked really sexy today. I'm finding myself looking in his direction a lot. Sometimes I wonder what he looks like underneath those clothes... :um Sometimes I can act confident around him, joke with him and whatnot, but most of the time I act way too shy and nervous.

I'm thinking of doing something utterly crazy, like telling him flat out that I like him. I'll most likely get rejected, and humiliated in front of my colleagues, but maybe even that's better than what I'm dealing with right now  I'm worried thought that things would be awkward for us from then on, especially since we have to interact so often for work purposes.

On the topic of married men, I ran into the married man today who's trying to hook up with me. It's a pity for this last bit, because he seems like a cool person, and I wouldn't mind hanging out with him as friends. But now that I know the motives behind his niceness towards me, ugh. Just "ugh."


----------



## calichick

There.is.a.guy.that.looks.exacty.like.a.Hemsworth.brother.at.my.work.that.keeps.checking.me.out.

Holy S***, I have hit the JACKPOT.

This guy, younger version, is built, SO fine, I mean damn not my usual type and all (light eyes/hair but tan) but he is soooooooooooooooooo cute.

And MY AGE. 


I think you are right KnightofDespair but this doesn't include all married men only the direct ones.

My last boss was mildly obsessed with me and got so nervous whenever he was around me, it made for some awkward a** times. Also this exec guy above is extremely shy. Depends on their personality just like with single guys. You have your extroverts and your introverts, does anything really change after marriage? No, still the same ol' man.


Anyways, back to my eye candy. I am 76% sure he is single. Because he doesn't try to hide the fact that he's into me, stares at me constantly and oh yea, HES MY AGE.


Omg we gonna have such cute kids if he ever makes a move. I'm going to try really hard to break the ice. I am so excited...I have something to look forward to and it doesn't feel wrong for once.


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> There.is.a.guy.that.looks.exacty.like.a.Hemsworth.brother.at.my.work.that.keeps.checking.me.out.
> 
> Holy S***, I have hit the JACKPOT.
> 
> This guy, younger version, is built, SO fine, I mean damn not my usual type and all (light eyes/hair but tan) but he is soooooooooooooooooo cute.
> 
> And MY AGE.
> 
> I think you are right KnightofDespair but this doesn't include all married men only the direct ones.
> 
> My last boss was mildly obsessed with me and got so nervous whenever he was around me, it made for some awkward a** times. Also this exec guy above is extremely shy. Depends on their personality just like with single guys. You have your extroverts and your introverts, does anything really change after marriage? No, still the same ol' man.
> 
> Anyways, back to my eye candy. I am 76% sure he is single. Because he doesn't try to hide the fact that he's into me, stares at me constantly and oh yea, HES MY AGE.
> 
> Omg we gonna have such cute kids if he ever makes a move. I'm going to try really hard to break the ice. I am so excited...I have something to look forward to and it doesn't feel wrong for once.


The gist of it is that most guys who aren't pushy and rude and actually care about doing things right don't just walk up to women and ask them if they are available/etc. I think also most single guys assume any woman that looks pretty good is already spoken for, and its very embarrassing to go up and make a fool of yourself and then they laugh and tell their friends.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> The gist of it is that most guys who aren't pushy and rude and actually care about doing things right don't just walk up to women and ask them if they are available/etc. I think also most single guys assume any woman that looks pretty good is already spoken for, and its very embarrassing to go up and make a fool of yourself and then they laugh and tell their friends.


----------



## knightofdespair

rymo said:


>


You're kidding yourself if you don't think they find it pathetic that you come up to them uninvited and try to get with them like they're some kind of product on the shelf at a store you can just make an offer on.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> You're kidding yourself if you don't think they find it pathetic that you come up to them uninvited and try to get with them like they're some kind of product on the shelf at a store you can just make an offer on.


Does it really matter what one or two girls think if it produces results?


----------



## knightofdespair

rymo said:


> Does it really matter what one or two girls think if it produces results?


It says a lot about priorities and manners. A lot of guys don't have any and I think most smart women can see this, and avoid the cocky guys who don't have any boundaries and will obviously bail on them for someone else the first moment they get a chance. It really boils down to a ton of things though, including the setting, time of day, and looks.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> It says a lot about priorities and manners. A lot of guys don't have any and I think most smart women can see this, and avoid the cocky guys who don't have any boundaries and will obviously bail on them for someone else the first moment they get a chance. It really boils down to a ton of things though, including the setting, time of day, and looks.


In your eyes, it's rude to approach a girl you find attractive (i.e. initiate conversation with a stranger)?


----------



## knightofdespair

rymo said:


> In your eyes, it's rude to approach a girl you find attractive (i.e. initiate conversation with a stranger)?


Without something in common, without some good reason then yeah in most cases it would be invading her space and no matter what I say, her first reaction is what the hell... Now if its for work or something or at a party, then their guard is already down a little bit and with the right conversation starters then its not so bad, but to just go up to some pretty decent woman in the grocery store, 90% chance she's already married and its just invasive. Imagine if you finally get a nice hot gf and some random guy comes up to her everywhere she goes to ask her out, it gets annoying.


----------



## rymo

knightofdespair said:


> Without something in common, without some good reason then yeah in most cases it would be invading her space and no matter what I say, her first reaction is what the hell... Now if its for work or something or at a party, then their guard is already down a little bit and with the right conversation starters then its not so bad, but to just go up to some pretty decent woman in the grocery store, 90% chance she's already married and its just invasive. Imagine if you finally get a nice hot gf and some random guy comes up to her everywhere she goes to ask her out, it gets annoying.


You're assuming all girls hate talking to people when they're out and about. I know some girls personally who would love if a guy would chat them up with they're at a coffee shop or shopping. And I've known girls who will actually do the approaching themselves. Girls like guys. They're not all on a solitary mission to do whatever it is they have to do and then get right back home. A lot of them are up for some excitment.

Yes, when a guy who is dull or creepy starts chatting them up it can be disconcerting for them. And when they reject those guys, some people percieve that as the woman being offended because of rudeness or the invasion of their space. But no, it's just rejection. It happens all the time, and it's not such a malicious or evil thing. It's just the world saying: not everyone is right for everyone.

Luckily for those dull or creepy guys, rejection is part of the learning process and the more they approach and talk to girls the better they'll get at it. Following the unspoken societal "rules" where everyone walks in a straight line, folds their hands on their lap, and goes about their business in unrelenting solidarity will get a guy nowhere.

It's not rude (assuming you don't do it in a rude way: "HEY YOU!"). It's ballsy, bold, and potentially charming. Try approaching 10 girls with a big smile on your face and see how many of them frown in disgust or take offense. I would bet all of my money it would be 0 (or one - a girl having a really bad day and taking it out on everyone else).


----------



## inane

My guy brought up the "where do you see this going" conversation the other night over text. I'm headed to his apartment for the second time this Saturday evening.

I don't see us ever being in a serious relationship, but I like him a _ridiculous _lot. He's so freaking cute.


----------



## Barette

rymo said:


> You're assuming all girls hate talking to people when they're out and about. I know some girls personally who would love if a guy would chat them up with they're at a coffee shop or shopping. And I've known girls who will actually do the approaching themselves. Girls like guys. They're not all on a solitary mission to do whatever it is they have to do and then get right back home. A lot of them are up for some excitment.
> 
> Yes, when a guy who is dull or creepy starts chatting them up it can be disconcerting for them. And when they reject those guys, some people percieve that as the woman being offended because of rudeness or the invasion of their space. But no, it's just rejection. It happens all the time, and it's not such a malicious or evil thing. It's just the world saying: not everyone is right for everyone.
> 
> Luckily for those dull or creepy guys, rejection is part of the learning process and the more they approach and talk to girls the better they'll get at it. Following the unspoken societal "rules" where everyone walks in a straight line, folds their hands on their lap, and goes about their business in unrelenting solidarity will get a guy nowhere.
> 
> It's not rude (assuming you don't do it in a rude way: "HEY YOU!"). It's ballsy, bold, and potentially charming. Try approaching 10 girls with a big smile on your face and see how many of them frown in disgust or take offense. I would bet all of my money it would be 0 (or one - a girl having a really bad day and taking it out on everyone else).


^This guy knows it.

I get talked to when I'm out and about, and it's always welcome. I've never been interested in anyone who's tried to chat me up, and usually it's older men (like mid 40s up, which also would be welcome but I'm never attracted to them) but if I were to be attracted to them then it'd be grand, just grand. And if I'm rude it's just because 9/10 days I hate life, and 1/10 days I hate it too much to hide it to others.

It's wrong to say that women don't welcome approaches, just depends on who/how they're approaching.


----------



## AllieG

Should I be doing something to get a boy?

Eh, maybe. Will I? Nah.


----------



## Barette

I feel really sad. I want boys to talk to. I'm going to be an art major and will have art classes to go to, but there's very very few attractive men on my campus. ****ing barren of them. 

I might go into the college town near me and go to free stuff more often because I see attractive men all the time. Actually, I AM going to go to free stuff. I don't care if I have no one to go with, I'm just going to go alone. It'll be a good way to meet men, and I could throw a stone and hit a handsome and tall fella in that town. They breed them well there. I'm excited now, I'm going to Google things for tomorrow/Sun/any ****ing day. The college there has free symphonies and plays and all sorts of things, all I have to do is Google and go. And I am absolutely going to go to at LEAST one event. I am holding myself to it by typing it in here.

Edit: I looked stuff up and found a lot of exhibitions, but a lot of the really social stuff is closed off for college members only. Wah. I'll go in and see exhibitions tomorrow anyway, I have nothing better to do. is it bad to go to a bar by yourself as a girl? even if it's a hip bar? i don't want to but I don't really have other choices for meeting fellas. I wouldn't go at night, that'd feel too unsafe, especially given the town can get rough at night, but mid-afternoon? just for a glass of wine?


----------



## TabbyTab

trying to figure out how makeup and fashion works. should probably be focusing on how to have an actual conversation with people tho. 
physical traits are so much more easier to fix than mental ones z.z


----------



## calichick

I don't have an update because this week has been pretty uneventful what with the holidays, most of my company has up and left.

But this post is dedicated to one person in particular and I kid you not, not one bit of exaggeration or overstatement in the following.

*There is single-handedly the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on in real life who is 10 feet away from my desk.*

HANDS DOWN. This guy makes me look like something the cat chewed and spit up, and then ate and dumped out. And this is saying a lot, A LOT from someone who has coasted by on looks over the past few years.

This man, puts me to shame, so much so that when straight men come near, they check him out and not I and it feels like I have met my match indeed. He is the epitome of everything masculine traits embody, Trojan-war-esque.

All of the other guys around him are extremely intimidated by him. They look at him when he passes. They try their best to compete with dress and facial hair but it all looks mild in comparison.

He is a god in his own respect and every time I look at him, I imagine he has women jumping on him shamelessly, just drowning in that good old stench of p****y. And it actually *hurts* to look at him, he is that hot. And I'll only sneak glances when I think he's not looking and

My lord, what I would do....

And he is soft-spoken, ....so I am trying to catch his attention miserably, this is like the 1 out of 2 guys I give a damn about but I'm well aware he is above my league -I haven't met many men that I can say this about.

So the two times I pass him, he notices me, he kind of freezes for approx 3 seconds as I've had on something one size too small each time which is my cue that he's straight and at least I have something to work with.

But I'm just going to wear tighter tops/jeans, heels, let it do its own talking and we'll go from there.

I swoon over this man.

The end.

Santa, all I want for Christmas...

is the hot guy with hair circa Bradley Cooper Hangover days and broad shoulders.


----------



## truant

calichick said:


> This man, puts me to shame, so much so that when straight men come near, they check him out and not I and it feels like I have met my match indeed. He is the epitome of everything masculine traits embody, Trojan-war-esque.


Wow, I bet if he's as good as you say he is, he's really dominant. Too bad you got that whole thing about having to be the dominant one in the relationship.


----------



## catcharay

calichick said:


> But I'm just going to wear tighter tops/jeans, heels, let it do its own talking and we'll go from there.
> 
> I swoon over this man.
> 
> The end.
> 
> Santa, all I want for Christmas...
> 
> is the hot guy with hair circa Bradley Cooper Hangover days and broad shoulders.


A girl can only use her sex appeal to extent, do you know what I mean? If she is trying to get a boy, she has to be approachable and strategizing w tighter tops/jeans whatever will make him salivate but then not much after. There are many girls who are both beautiful and ' girl next door approachable'. Personally, I think you have to use charm, not just looks in your quest of nabbing a guy..Have you tried that?
You may be too intimidating if you look too sexy, if that makes sense.


----------



## calichick

truant said:


> Wow, I bet if he's as good as you say he is, he's really dominant. Too bad you got that whole thing about having to be the dominant one in the relationship.


You'd think, but he is very soft-spoken, rarely do I see him socializing, I don't even know what he sounds like.

He's kind of a lone wolf, which is a rare combination to find in a good-looking man...I know he's out of my league, but a girl can dream..



catcharay said:


> A girl can only use her sex appeal to extent, do you know what I mean? If she is trying to get a boy, she has to be approachable and strategizing w tighter tops/jeans whatever will make him salivate but then not much after. There are many girls who are both beautiful and ' girl next door approachable'. Personally, I think you have to use charm, not just looks in your quest of nabbing a guy..Have you tried that?
> You may be too intimidating if you look too sexy, if that makes sense.


I won't be able to land this guy so I'm only doing it for the thrill of it, but as a general rule of thumb,

The only reason why straight men approach women, is because their d*** tells them to, it's all physical-related. B*tch or not b*tch (not like I have an attitude) is all irrelevant, in fact attitude and unapproachability almost makes men more inclined to be attracted to you.


----------



## Barette

I FEEL SO LONELY. 

How does a quiet lady meet some fellas? HOW?! My friend I was counting on going to bars with ended up being a huge ***** (she always was one, but she turned it onto me recently) and so now I gave no girl friends. How do I meet men? I'm going to go to an art exhibition today, or a couple really, to try and idk... Idk. I go to exhibitions anyway and no one talks to me even when I make eye contact. I feel like men know I'm off, I'm not even female in their eyes. I'm not female and not worthy a look or a desire. I don't know what's wrong with me that no one else wants anything to do with me unless they want something out of me. I need out of the house so I'm going anyway, but still :/ same old same old will happen.

All I had to look forward to was to go to bars with my c*** of an ex-friend, and since that doesn't do HER any good, it never happened. Ever year is the same misery, I just want to meet men and have fun. I'm not in that world I guess, and can't ever be. I'm 21 and may as well be 15.


----------



## veron

^Awww. I'd totally go to a bar with you, if I could 

I got invited to a party that's tonight, but I'm not going to go. I went to a party 7 years ago, and it's left me traumatized for life. Whenever I get invited to things like this, I remember about the bad experiences I had, I feel bad, and don't go. It's like, I know I won't have any fun, so what's the point.


----------



## Barette

^you could though! Have fun, that is! Maybe not the best time ever, but it may change. But if it'll make you happier to not go, then there's nothing wrong with staying home, either. And thanks


----------



## Fairykins

I'm online dating but it isn't going so well. I haven't found anyone that I'm very attracted to or interested in so far.

The other night I went to a bar and chatted with a cute guy, we seemed to have a bit of a connection...turns out he had a fiancée. I think my smoking and quick drinking scared him off anyway 

I guess I'll just have to visit more bars, drink enough to talk and converse.


----------



## Barette

@Fairykins, do you go to bars alone? I've been considering it, on days when I'm out with nothing else to do (the college town near me is too sketchy to go out alone at night, plus I feel like that's too lonely of an action for me), but idk, I feel like I'd be too uncomfortable (only been to a bar twice before! to go alone with the purpose of meeting people would be navigating too unknown a sea!).


----------



## Fairykins

@Barette No, I go with friends or usually at least one other person. I haven't been to many bars though, so I'm not that experienced. I don't think I'd be comfortable at first going alone, but I know other people who have gone to bars alone and been able to make friends and meet people, so possibly I'll try it someday. As long as I don't get too drunk - that's where having a friend or more comes in handy.


----------



## inane

Had dinner and drinks with my guy, then went back to his apartment to watch Hockey Night in Canada :clap (He doesn't even like hockey but would watch it with me). No sex yet still, but a lot of cuddling. I also learned that I don't like kissing on the mouth... I'm not sure why :blank I'd try to kiss him on the cheek or neck, and have to dodge him turning his face to try to kiss on the lips instead LOL! 

I also asked if he would be my +1 at a house party I've been invited to next weekend, but he said he won't be back in town by then (visiting family for holidays). Aw. Well, going to a house party alone where I know almost no one will be an SA challenge on its own for me :blank


----------



## Barette

Fairykins said:


> @Barette No, I go with friends or usually at least one other person. I haven't been to many bars though, so I'm not that experienced. I don't think I'd be comfortable at first going alone, but I know other people who have gone to bars alone and been able to make friends and meet people, so possibly I'll try it someday. As long as I don't get too drunk - that's where having a friend or more comes in handy.


Ah, it definitely is good to have friends too to help ward off guys you're not interested in, especially when they don't take no for an answer. The only 2 people I could go with are under 21 and a guy, separately, so ugh no bar. Idk, maybe one day when I'm more comfortable with it.



inane said:


> Had dinner and drinks with my guy, then went back to his apartment to watch Hockey Night in Canada :clap (He doesn't even like hockey but would watch it with me). No sex yet still, but a lot of cuddling. I also learned that I don't like kissing on the mouth... I'm not sure why :blank I'd try to kiss him on the cheek or neck, and have to dodge him turning his face to try to kiss on the lips instead LOL!
> 
> I also asked if he would be my +1 at a house party I've been invited to next weekend, but he said he won't be back in town by then (visiting family for holidays). Aw. Well, going to a house party alone where I know almost no one will be an SA challenge on its own for me :blank


That's so nice!

And that will be a good challenge! Use this excitement as a little motivator to really try at the party! And kissing on the mouth isn't that fun imo either, esp with someone new, because it's just awkward and feels forced at first. Once it leads to other things, then it's fun, but only because of the other things lol. Good luck!

I'm about to head out and go to a museum, just to get out of the house and experience culture outside of a book/movie. Not really to meet people, but still! It's a start.


----------



## inane

Barette said:


> That's so nice!
> 
> And that will be a good challenge! Use this excitement as a little motivator to really try at the party! And kissing on the mouth isn't that fun imo either, esp with someone new, because it's just awkward and feels forced at first. Once it leads to other things, then it's fun, but only because of the other things lol. Good luck!
> 
> I'm about to head out and go to a museum, just to get out of the house and experience culture outside of a book/movie. Not really to meet people, but still! It's a start.


Thanks! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person who doesn't enjoy kisses on the mouth... I like closed-mouth kisses, but open-mouth is sort of just :| Hope you have a good time at the museum. I'd like to check out the ones in my new city too.


----------



## Barette

^I had a great time! Maybe it was emotions, but at one point all the beauty began overwhelming me and I started to cry. I've come to love museums! I bought a book that I've been wanting very much, too. Made my ****ty day nice! I'm hoping to frequent more museums and cultural things, to meet people.


----------



## blue2

:teeth..I'm a boy


----------



## knightofdespair

catcharay said:


> A girl can only use her sex appeal to extent, do you know what I mean? If she is trying to get a boy, she has to be approachable and strategizing w tighter tops/jeans whatever will make him salivate but then not much after. There are many girls who are both beautiful and ' girl next door approachable'. Personally, I think you have to use charm, not just looks in your quest of nabbing a guy..Have you tried that?
> You may be too intimidating if you look too sexy, if that makes sense.


He's married I'm betting


----------



## catcharay

@knightofdespair
Hmm who knows.. Cali just gave me the impression men are intimidated by her but married men seem to be the least intimidated. This guy may be single and intimidated so I just proffered a suggestion.. not using too much sex appeal and looks in order to both attract and be approached. Attract can be v simple, being approached not so simple. Also, I'm an advocate of the girl making the first move..if she's interested, go for it!


----------



## calichick

He makes me *so* nervous.

I can tell when I really like a guy when I can't look at him. Every ounce of my being will try to completely shun him; position my body as covertly indiscreet as possible, make it act like I don't even know he exists because I get light-headed and jittery when I see him. Like I'm about to faint, and I immediately think of escape routes.

So I see him there in the kitchen, it's just the two of us and I'm like sh*t sh*tty sh*t sh*t, I can't turn back now I'll just face my back to him so we don't make eye contact and take the most indirect way around him to get back to my desk.

Once I'm back at my cube, I turn around to where he sits and see him checking me out, and I'm beaming ear to ear, I can't control it because for the first time in a _long_ time, I like a guy who likes me and it's a _Halleluhah!_ moment.

This is my man, he is so cute and doesn't make me nauseous like the majority of men who express interest in me.

We need to step up the pace, I can't wait 3 months for something to happen..


----------



## Violet Romantic

So, on the last day of school (last Friday), a guy from one of my classes asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him because I felt comfortable with him, which is rare. I even forced myself to initiate a hug, even though I was worried he wouldn't want to. I think he did, because even after I started letting go, he was still holding on.

Yesterday, he sent me a text for the first time. It was a picture of the sunset; he had just taken the picture to send to me. I thought that was a really sweet and unconventional first text. We exchanged a few messages. I told him I had received an acceptance letter to a college in Northern California. He replied with a sad face and asked if that means I'm leaving Southern California. Apparently he's interested enough to want me to stay close. :eek

I called him about two hours ago (we've never spoken on the phone before), and he didn't answer. I hope I didn't somehow scare him off. I called, though, so I'm trying! Haha. I would normally be running full-speed away from anyone who showed the slightest amount of interest in me, but, like I said, I feel comfortable with him for some reason.

We'll see what happens! :eek


----------



## shykid

Phantasmagorical said:


> So, on the last day of school (last Friday), a guy from one of my classes asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him because I felt comfortable with him, which is rare. I even forced myself to initiate a hug, even though I was worried he wouldn't want to. I think he did, because even after I started letting go, he was still holding on.
> 
> Yesterday, he sent me a text for the first time. It was a picture of the sunset; he had just taken the picture to send to me. I thought that was a really sweet and unconventional first text. We exchanged a few messages. I told him I had received an acceptance letter to a college in Northern California. He replied with a sad face and asked if that means I'm leaving Southern California. Apparently he's interested enough to want me to stay close. :eek
> 
> I called him about two hours ago (we've never spoken on the phone before), and he didn't answer. I hope I didn't somehow scare him off. I called, though, so I'm trying! Haha. I would normally be running full-speed away from anyone who showed the slightest amount of interest in me, but, like I said, I feel comfortable with him for some reason.
> 
> We'll see what happens! :eek


Good luck


----------



## Violet Romantic

shykid said:


> Good luck


Thank you!


----------



## knightofdespair

catcharay said:


> @*knightofdespair*
> Hmm who knows.. Cali just gave me the impression men are intimidated by her but married men seem to be the least intimidated. This guy may be single and intimidated so I just proffered a suggestion.. not using too much sex appeal and looks in order to both attract and be approached. Attract can be v simple, being approached not so simple. Also, I'm an advocate of the girl making the first move..if she's interested, go for it!


I think opportunity is 90% of the challenge.. Single men just don't really happen to go much where single women are besides work, and generally they get in trouble if they harass women there. Married men usually have their wives guiding them into more places I think that single women will be, or they have a chance to interact with them at work in more subtle ways that gives them more chances to 'manage' or 'coach' them, they are also more likely to have an office, and the higher tiers of job pay and stature at companies meaning they will appear more attractive and private than the single guys too.


----------



## Violet Romantic

Phantasmagorical said:


> We'll see what happens! :eek


What happened: He called me today and we talked on the phone for about 10 minutes (we were both sort of busy). And now...

*He wants to hang out this weekend.* :eek

I agreed. However, I was excited for about the first hour after we hung up, and then the panic set in. I don't have much experience going on actual dates, if that's what this is. He said he'll call me again when he come up with a plan for what we should do. I'm already worried that I'll say something ridiculous. And then I realized that I'm 24 and he's 26, and people around that age usually have a more serious type of relationship. I know I'm jumping ahead here, but, you know...that's what people with Social Anxiety do. Lol. I don't know how to have a serious relationship, as I've been afraid of those ever since my first one turned out to be a disaster. That one ended seven years ago, when I was 17, so I've been a commitment-phobe for a while now. The problem is, I think I already feel too much of an attraction towards him, and I barely know him. He makes me feel too comfortable for my own good! I don't want the attraction to go any higher, but at the same time, I don't want to keep running from people. Blah! :bash Part of me hopes he just cancels.

/panickyrant


----------



## catcharay

knightofdespair said:


> I think opportunity is 90% of the challenge.. Single men just don't really happen to go much where single women are besides work, and generally they get in trouble if they harass women there.


There can be a lot of relationships formed through work on the downlow tho; and where interest is reciprocated on both sides. But opportunities are a factor definitely..


----------



## catcharay

@Phantasmagorical
Good luck! It's nerve racking but he likes you and that's all that matters. Try to enjoy his company and the food  Plus breathe


----------



## Violet Romantic

catcharay said:


> @Phantasmagorical
> Good luck! It's nerve racking but he likes you and that's all that matters. Try to enjoy his company and the food  Plus breathe


Food? I like food. Food is good. :lol Thank you for your reply. Hopefully I'll calm down before the actual meeting.


----------



## catcharay

@Phantasmagorical

A date can't be without food right?  Hope to hear it's a success


----------



## ImBrittany

I got some advice that boys tend to come into your life when you're not looking for them. So that's what I'm doing. Not looking.


----------



## knightofdespair

ImBrittany said:


> I got some advice that boys tend to come into your life when you're not looking for them. So that's what I'm doing. Not looking.


I wasn't looking when I met my gf... I actually had dated a string of total flakes and was bored with dating and was like screw it, it was summer time and I was working at a lumber yard at the time, in pretty good shape and getting a lot more sunshine, and she just kind of appeared and made a good chunk of my life better. I miss her so much now, makes me wonder what the hell the whole point of life is. Sometimes I feel like one of those damn cartoon characters with the carrot on a string dangled in front of their face..


----------



## inane

My guy had been sexting with me since early this morning and it finally evolved into discussion about sleeping together for the first time. He's out of town at the moment but he's pretty candid... He's a decade older than me and is more experienced, and is telling me stuff like I will have to communicate with him what I like. That he wants it to be a positive experience for me (I'm a virgin), that he gets off best by knowing his partner is having a good time, he'll try his damnest to get me there, etc. Did I strike gold? :blank

I think I momentarily killed the mood by bringing in the technical stuff, like saying we should go get tested together first, work out the birth control part. He seemed to falter a bit and said "I guess so" to the getting tested part, but insisted he was in full agreement with. I asked if he had ever done that with past girlfriends and apparently he hasn't :um Said he's always used protection, but I told him that condoms aren't 100% effective and you can be an asymptomatic carrier. It's not so sexy to bring up in the middle of this kind of conversation, but nor is it sexy to end up with painful sores all over your genitals...

We only see each other once a week so I'll see how things go. He'll be back in town this Saturday but our outing this time is likely going to be a house party at one of my friends'. I don't have much money to pay for the pill in terms of birth control, so if this is going to be a one-time or sporadic thing, then I'll leave it to condoms.


----------



## inane

Yeah he's definitely been more frisky than usual today :lol He's been having champagne since before noon and he doesn't usually drink, so maybe that's why. It's been texts of wanting to take my clothes off, do dirty things to me, and wanting to cuddle with me in bed. Awe.

I tried to reciprocate and said I wanted to feel him inside me, and if he liked oral because I wanted to try on him when we were on his couch last weekend. 

There might just be a teensy bit of sexual tension :um I think I might not be able to see him for a couple weeks though due to other things I need to do (starting university part-time on top of a 40+ workweek, apartment upkeep, etc.) and I'm worried he'll take it offense after the "conversation" we just had today.


----------



## inane

I think I might have to bail out of tomorrow's plans for when he gets back, but I don't think there's a good way of doing it without offending him. I'm not his girlfriend so there's no social obligation for me to go receive him, but he's been very sweet to me and putting in the effort to making this work, so I feel like I'm not holding up my end :|


----------



## veron

inane said:


> He's a decade older than me and is more experienced, and is telling me stuff like I will have to communicate with him what I like. That he wants it to be a positive experience for me (I'm a virgin), that he gets off best by knowing his partner is having a good time, he'll try his damnest to get me there, etc. Did I strike gold? :blank


Absolutely! :clap If his actions hold up to his words, you are one lucky lady. A lot of guys just look after their own interests in bed.

And good for you for taking std's and stuff like that seriously. My ex didn't believe in protection, and I was stupid enough to let him have his way. I regretted my actions so badly afterwards - it's a horrible feeling to wonder if you've contracted aids or something of the sort. Never again will I make this same mistake.

Out of curiosity, why don't you two have the bf/gf status? Are you just looking for a casual thing?


----------



## inane

veron said:


> Absolutely! :clap If his actions hold up to his words, you are one lucky lady. A lot of guys just look after their own interests in bed.
> 
> And good for you for taking std's and stuff like that seriously. My ex didn't believe in protection, and I was stupid enough to let him have his way. I regretted my actions so badly afterwards - it's a horrible feeling to wonder if you've contracted aids or something of the sort. Never again will I make this same mistake.
> 
> Out of curiosity, why don't you two have the bf/gf status? Are you just looking for a casual thing?


Yeah he seems like more of a giver. I asked if he liked oral and that I wanted to go down on him, and he said he loved giving oral and it was one of his favourite things to do. I'm reluctant to have someone down there but I absolutely appreciate how unselfish he seems to be in bed :b

We haven't really talked about the status of our relationship. I don't think we know each other well enough yet to commit.


----------



## Barette

^Never be reluctant to have someone down there. I will never understand that apprehension with women, is it because of fear of how it looks/smells/tastes/etc? Because if so as long as it's clean then you're good to go, same with a guy. If he loves to give it then be excited to get it. I'd never turn down a meal from someone who says they love to cook, for instance. Guys never have a fear of letting someone down there, idk why girls do.


----------



## inane

Barette said:


> ^Never be reluctant to have someone down there. I will never understand that apprehension with women, is it because of fear of how it looks/smells/tastes/etc? Because if so as long as it's clean then you're good to go, same with a guy. If he loves to give it then be excited to get it. I'd never turn down a meal from someone who says they love to cook, for instance. Guys never have a fear of letting someone down there, idk why girls do.


What you mentioned, and I find the positioning awkward. I'm really self-conscious and he's even mentioned that I seem afraid when he simply looks at me... And this is non-sexually (but to be fair, he has intense eye contact). To be given oral is a really, really intimate thing.

I understand what you're saying though... If I offered and he wouldn't let me simply because he was self-conscious for the reasons I mentioned, I'd be like, "Aw, come on." :b


----------



## Barette

inane said:


> What you mentioned, and I find the positioning awkward. I'm really self-conscious and he's even mentioned that I seem afraid when he simply looks at me... And this is non-sexually (but to be fair, he has intense eye contact). To be given oral is a really, really intimate thing.
> 
> I understand what you're saying though... If I offered and he wouldn't let me simply because he was self-conscious for the reasons I mentioned, I'd be like, "Aw, come on." :b


maybe I'm weird but it's less personal to me because they're so far away. Like, when they're right on top or you are, then it's personal imo cause your faces are in each others' faces. But when they're all the way down there?! You can close your eyes and it's like they're not even there. Plus, idk, to me the raw sexuality of having your legs wide and a face right in there, it's too fun. Such a rush. Give it a shot, is all I'm saying haha. As long as you wash and change your underwear daily, you're not going to smell or taste weird trust me.


----------



## inane

Barette said:


> maybe I'm weird but it's less personal to me because they're so far away. Like, when they're right on top or you are, then it's personal imo cause your faces are in each others' faces. But when they're all the way down there?! You can close your eyes and it's like they're not even there. Plus, idk, to me the raw sexuality of having your legs wide and a face right in there, it's too fun. Such a rush. Give it a shot, is all I'm saying haha. As long as you wash and change your underwear daily, you're not going to smell or taste weird trust me.


Thanks hun :squeeze I'm away from my girlfriends so I appreciate being able to talk about these things here.


----------



## Barette

^NP!


----------



## Violet Romantic

Going out with the guy tomorrow. Wish me luck. :eek


----------



## inane

I just cancelled on him for tomorrow's party date and I don't think he's too happy. He suggested spending NYE together but I couldn't say for sure I could. I feel awful and rude as he's frequently telling me how he's looking forward to seeing me and wants to spend more time with me... This is a reason why I don't think we're suited for an exclusive relationship :| He deserves better than this, but at the same time, I'm already doing my best.

It's only been two months and already we've had one too many tumultuous moments. I've already suggested that if this just doesn't work for him and I'm not meeting his needs, we can stop seeing each other and he can stop wasting his time. I wonder if I'll get a text from him in the next few days agreeing that it isn't working out.

It sucks but if not for his initiating, we would probably only see each other once every three weeks or so. He shouldn't have problems finding someone else, it would be my loss. But again, I'm doing my best as is.


----------



## veron

Phantasmagorical said:


> Going out with the guy tomorrow. Wish me luck. :eek


Good luck 

Yesterday I went to a party and to my big surprise, I actually had a good time  Everyone just seemed so happy and up for having a good time. I even struck up a few conversations with strangers, and they went smoothly. Sometimes I feel like I could be a social butterfly, only if I put in some effort, lol. I remember my ex telling me that he saw "great social potential" in me.

I am so going off topic here, because this is more of a "triumphs over SA thing," but... my crush was at the party too. Something weird happened. He was already there when I arrived, and at some point him and I were standing next to each other. He turned to greet me, and I greeted him too, smile and all. But then I noticed that his friend, who was standing across from us, was watching our interaction the whole time with a smirk on his face. Does he sense that I have a secret crush on his friend? Maybe I looked too much into that, but it just made me kind of curious.


----------



## Violet Romantic

veron said:


> Good luck
> 
> Yesterday I went to a party and to my big surprise, I actually had a good time  Everyone just seemed so happy and up for having a good time. I even struck up a few conversations with strangers, and they went smoothly. Sometimes I feel like I could be a social butterfly, only if I put in some effort, lol. I remember my ex telling me that he saw "great social potential" in me.
> 
> I am so going off topic here, because this is more of a "triumphs over SA thing," but... my crush was at the party too. Something weird happened. He was already there when I arrived, and at some point him and I were standing next to each other. He turned to greet me, and I greeted him too, smile and all. But then I noticed that his friend, who was standing across from us, was watching our interaction the whole time with a smirk on his face. Does he sense that I have a secret crush on his friend? Maybe I looked too much into that, but it just made me kind of curious.


So your crush greeted you first? And his friend was watching with a smirk on his face? Based on my experience and what I've seen people do, it sounds like your crush probably also has a crush on _you_, and his friend knows it. That's the only scenario in which I've seen the watch-smirk thing happen, and I've seen it multiple times. I've even done it myself! If that's the case, good for you! 

Also, thank you for the luck. :b


----------



## Zack

Oh, I have tried. And tried again.


----------



## inane

He doesn't seem mad at least. I think that might just be a perk of being an older guy- it isn't his first rodeo when it comes to flakey women :blank He just sent me a text asking if I had some pictures to send him so he could use it as his phone contact, and to show his friends (adding he would like me to meet them eventually). I don't have any pictures of myself but I'm relieved.

I wonder how many chances he'll give me before he decides "screw this" and leaves.


----------



## Marleywhite

I made an okcupid profile and met up with a couple of guys at a public quiet place


----------



## Barette

Phantasmagorical said:


> So your crush greeted you first? And his friend was watching with a smirk on his face? Based on my experience and what I've seen people do, it sounds like your crush probably also has a crush on _you_, and his friend knows it. That's the only scenario in which I've seen the watch-smirk thing happen, and I've seen it multiple times. I've even done it myself! If that's the case, good for you!
> 
> Also, thank you for the luck. :b


I agree with this! @veron it sounds like his friend was smirking because he thinks the guy has a little something for you and was striking up a convo because of it!


----------



## veron

Oh, I highly doubt he has something for me. This is my work colleague in question. He hasn't made any moves in the 6 months he's known me, and he's constantly flirting with another colleague, sometimes right in front of me, so yeah... Maybe he does find me attractive, but not enough to pursue a relationship. Who knows.

Getting over him would be so easy if I didn't have to see him. But it's hard when I see him and have to interact with him on a daily basis. 

It started snowing today and I've been stuck inside all day, cleaning my apartment and watching movies. I remember how it was so much nicer being at home when I lived with my ex and had somebody to share things with...


----------



## inane

He broke up with me.


----------



## calichick

Haven't posted in here in a bit because my life has been rather lackluster the past few weeks, BUT, enter yet another guy in my life.

New guy.  Has a girlfriend. I'm purely interested in a platonic connection with him.

He is very blunt, no holds, not intimidated by me in the least. Feels like a breath of fresh air. We've been confiding in each other for the past month, basically acting as each other's emotional backbone at work.

We were going out to lunch just the two of us the other day, but I have an unspoken rule that I won't go out with a taken guy alone since it's too intimate for me and I already have a hard enough time controlling my sexual energy around men, it would just be disastrous. So, I casually invited another guy to be the middleman between us.

Today, he tells me I shouldn't have invited the other guy with us last time so it would just be the two of us.

He's also been really sweet lately, waiting past hours for me while I finish (like today, we spent half an hour talking after work since I was feeling down and I kept urging him to leave- dude, shouldn't you be spending time with your gf? It's ****ing NYE for Christ's sake.) and he made a really nice gesture few weeks back over an assignment. When we need to talk together, we just shoot each other these side glances and escape away from the ball and chain at work.

It's really nice having someone you can be yourself with. I just hope I'm not coming off as a complete b**** in girl code, is this even allowed? Lol

Happy New Year's by the way.










Story above seems to be following a similar pattern as someone I met a few months ago. Only difference is that guy was single so I was free to text and flirt with him and stroke my ego on him as I wished. Today I had to refrain from asking for his # even though I'm not interested in him romantically, there are these boundaries you just can't cross with taken men. Sucks some of the fun out of it, but circumstances dictate so can't fight the hand you were drawn.


----------



## calichick

^ Speaking of the guy who I blew off long ago, he texted me recently saying "What happened? Where'd you go?"

What happened was I got a life you douchebag go suck some d*** and forget you know my number...

No response from him after that. :lol


----------



## visualkeirockstar

calichick said:


> ^ Speaking of the guy who I blew off long ago, he texted me recently saying "What happened? Where'd you go?"
> 
> What happened was I got a life you douchebag go suck some d*** and forget you know my number...
> 
> No response from him after that. :lol


You always post here and seem like a long time too. Why no success?


----------



## calichick

visualkeirockstar said:


> You always post here and seem like a long time too. Why no success?


Plenty of success.

Does it appear otherwise? I've been asked out by 4 guys in the past four months, I've had a 99.9% success rate with practically all of the straight men that have been directly involved with me at work, I currently have a guy friend, and I've been called a sl** directly to my face by a 50 year old who doesn't know a thing about me. This coming from a guy doing $110 an hour. The *******. A guy who I haven't seen in 2 years tried to reappear in my life. I've been out with 2 guys at once? If that's not success I don't know what is. Not to mention, I have met some of the hottest men I have ever seen in my entire life in the past 3 months. It's been a ****ing visual trip for me. Note that considering I don't meet men *anywhere other than work*- I've had lunch with 4 different men in the past 3 weeks, why it seems as of late I've been solely surrounding myself with D*** not necessarily implying it's the good kind- this is a pretty damn great track record.

Success? 'What are you doing to get a boy'? A ****ing lot, I tell you.

I enjoy documenting my stories, I like rereading them years from now.

But I like how people point out I use this thread a lot...well no duh, it's one of the best ones for me here...my only purpose rly.


----------



## calichick

The thing with men is that you can't settle for the first guy (or in my case, the 89th guy) that comes a knockin'

You have to go through a lot of s*** to gradually make your way to better prospects...



Or at least that's what I tell myself each time, that or the quality of men is generally deteriorating but I try to steer clear of pessimistic outlooks such as this.

On that note, I'm still coddling my relationship with this one dude. I bought this uber sexy dress that I can't afford to push him over the edge, trying to make things happen between us, he's one good-looking stud I tell you. Men take work, you have to work at it.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

calichick said:


> Plenty of success.
> 
> Does it appear otherwise? I've been asked out by 4 guys in the past four months, I've had a 99.9% success rate with practically all of the straight men that have been directly involved with me at work, I currently have a guy friend, and I've been called a sl** directly to my face by a 50 year old who doesn't know a thing about me. This coming from a guy doing $110 an hour. The *******. A guy who I haven't seen in 2 years tried to reappear in my life. I've been out with 2 guys at once? If that's not success I don't know what is. Not to mention, I have met some of the hottest men I have ever seen in my entire life in the past 3 months. It's been a ****ing visual trip for me. Note that considering I don't meet men *anywhere other than work*- I've had lunch with 4 different men in the past 3 weeks, why it seems as of late I've been solely surrounding myself with D*** not necessarily implying it's the good kind- this is a pretty damn great track record.
> 
> Success? 'What are you doing to get a boy'? A ****ing lot, I tell you.
> 
> I enjoy documenting my stories, I like rereading them years from now.
> 
> But I like how people point out I use this thread a lot...well no duh, it's one of the best ones for me here...my only purpose rly.


So what's your goal here? Are you willing to settle with one guy? Or keep moving from guys to guys?


----------



## calichick

visualkeirockstar said:


> So what's your goal here? Are you willing to settle with one guy? Or keep moving from guys to guys?


I won't settle until I've met Mr. Right

There is a prospect right now though, actually there's a few prospects, we'll see.


----------



## veron

Happy New Year's everyone :yay

-----

My ex tested me to wish me all the best in the new year. I texted him back, wishing him all the best, but most of all to find a new girlfriend. This guy still has photos of us all over his facebook, as if we're in a relationship. Pretty creepy, considering that we broke up more than 6 months ago.

I also, very oddly, received a happy-new-year email from some dude that I dated two years ago. We went on a few dates, but he wasn't interested all that much and so we stopped meeting. Now why the hell would he message me two years after that? Maybe he hasn't found anyone yet and is thinking of settling? He's in his mid 30's now... hmm...


----------



## inane

I couldn't get over the 3-day post-breakup hump, and ended up texting him pitifully that I missed him.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

calichick said:


> I won't settle until I've met Mr. Right
> 
> There is a prospect right now though, actually there's a few prospects, we'll see.


Good luck.


----------



## dontwaitupforme

Ugh, nothing. Ive decided that i suck and need to get back into shape before even making the effort of letting myself be known to be available. Currently radiating the vibes of _"do not talk to me"_ as i go out these days.


----------



## calichick

visualkeirockstar said:


> Good luck.


Thanks but I don't need luck. I'm a calichick. We get things done.

And if that means grabbing a man by his f***ing balls and knocking some sense in him to start using them, then that's what's going to go down :teeth


----------



## Violet Romantic

Started to post this yesterday, got nervous, took it down. Let's see if it lasts this time...

I'm not used to romantics or gentlemen, and he appears to be both. We've gone out twice so far.

The first time, he didn't tell me where we were going, he just said to wear something warm. We ended up at this Winter Wonderland amusement park sort of thing that I had no idea existed. I ended up ice skating for the first time ever. Talk about taking me out of my comfort zone. Wow! We were together for about five hours and ended with an awkward kiss.

The second time was New Year's Eve. Again, he didn't tell me what we were going to be doing, but he gave me a series of clues and said to wear pants and closed shoes. :um Why, you may ask? Turns out, he planned for us to go horseback riding. :shock *Who even thinks of these things!?!* A romantic, that's who! After that, we ended up walking along the beach for quite a while. We saw a huge Christmas tree in the distance and spontaneously decided to walk all the way there. Took a while, but it was worth it! While we were there, he said I'm everything he hoped I would be. We walked back closer to where he parked, ate Mexican food at a restaurant, and walked a little further down to where there was a free outdoor concert. We stayed there, and they started the New Year's countdown on a big screen behind the performers on the stage. I finally got to kiss someone at midnight on New Year's. He drove me home. Much less awkward kiss. It was rather enjoyable, actually.  The whole night, there was lots of hand-holding and lots of hugging/holding in general. We were together for twelve hours. O.O It didn't feel anywhere close to that long (according to both of us) because we just feel so natural and at ease around each other. He's going on a day trip today, and he said he misses me already.

He plans everything, pays for pretty much everything, opens the car door for me and closes it behind me, tells me what he likes about me, and seems to open up to me fairly easily. I can't look at him in the eyes too long because my stomach isn't yet used to the tingling butterfly sensation.

And yesterday, I felt so depressed because I don't feel that I deserve any of this, and it all sounds too good to be true. He's sweet and funny and considerate and giving, with just the right amount of a rebellious spirit. Why would he want me? According to him, I'm a good person who cares about other people (and animals), and he said he doesn't normally feel such a natural connection with someone. He said he feels like he knew me in a past life or something because he feels that he knows me so well. It even seems plausible because within the first few sentences we ever said to each other, he asked if I am a vegetarian, which I am! I was shocked that he knew, but he said he could just tell. "There's just something about you," he said.

Even with all of this, my anxiety-ridden mind is still telling me that he probably doesn't actually like me that much.

I really don't want to ruin this.

/longestpostEVAR


----------



## calichick

The following post is dedicated to my sincerest appreciation for the fact that: *THANK *****ING GOD I WAS NOT BORN A MALE.*

I was having a conversation with a guy friend today and he was enlightening me as to the social rituals among straight (or all) mankind that I was previously really unaware of.

He was saying something as minor as one man asking another straight man for directions will prompt a, "Dude, get the f*** away from me". WTF? Why so much animosity among straight men??? And I was thinking long and hard about how men behave around each other being the supposed "kings" of their kingdoms and how much I take for granted being a woman in this world. I cannot imagine being a guy, and having to treat all male strangers as a perceived threat.

See, as a woman, and a non-ugly woman at that, I do experience same sex conflict with other females, because women are competitive in their own right but I always have straight men to turn to. And women will at least put up a cheery front.

With men, you have the apathetic treatment from straight men, you have the REALLY b***chy treatment from women (I've unfortunately been one to perpetuate this treatment when I was younger and actually I guess I can't claim to be a complete saint when post above reads "What happened was I got a life you douchebag go suck some d*** and forget you know my number...", oops.) AND you're expected to

1. Make more money and compete for your share
2. Not have emotions and suck it up
3. Be the provider
4. You have immensely high sex drives to deal with on top of that so if you aren't getting laid frequently, the testosterone is building up and with the stress from cortisol in your body, you're basically a walking BOMB.

I understand totally. Why men are the perpetrators of 98% of crime.

Why it really f****ing sucks to be you guys.

Oh my God, it makes me appreciate men so much more.

P.S. Also saw a (new) hottie today, I think he was the same one I've been making eye contact with for the past 3 days - completely new guy he's like 6'5 which is the first thing I noticed about him -i'm loving my new work!


----------



## funnynihilist

calichick said:


> The following post is dedicated to my sincerest appreciation for the fact that: *THANK *****ING GOD I WAS NOT BORN A MALE.*
> 
> I was having a conversation with a guy friend today and he was enlightening me as to the social rituals among straight (or all) mankind that I was previously really unaware of.
> 
> He was saying something as minor as one man asking another straight man for directions will prompt a, "Dude, get the f*** away from me". WTF? Why so much animosity among straight men??? And I was thinking long and hard about how men behave around each other being the supposed "kings" of their kingdoms and how much I take for granted being a woman in this world. I cannot imagine being a guy, and having to treat all male strangers as a perceived threat.
> 
> See, as a woman, and a non-ugly woman at that, I do experience same sex conflict with other females, because women are competitive in their own right but I always have straight men to turn to. And women will at least put up a cheery front.
> 
> With men, you have the apathetic treatment from straight men, you have the REALLY b***chy treatment from women (I've unfortunately been one to perpetuate this treatment when I was younger and actually I guess I can't claim to be a complete saint when post above reads "What happened was I got a life you douchebag go suck some d*** and forget you know my number...", oops.) AND you're expected to
> 
> 1. Make more money and compete for your share
> 2. Not have emotions and suck it up
> 3. Be the provider
> 4. You have immensely high sex drives to deal with on top of that so if you aren't getting laid frequently, the testosterone is building up and with the stress from cortisol in your body, you're basically a walking BOMB.
> 
> I understand totally. Why men are the perpetrators of 98% of crime.
> 
> Why it really f****ing sucks to be you guys.
> 
> Oh my God, it makes me appreciate men so much more.
> 
> P.S. Also saw a (new) hottie today, I think he was the same one I've been making eye contact with for the past 3 days - completely new guy he's like 6'5 which is the first thing I noticed about him -i'm loving my new work!


Yes!!!!! You are so right when you say that men really don't have anybody to turn to. So true. 
Men are cruel, women are cruel, and the world expects an awful lot from guys!


----------



## veron

@Phantasmagorical - That is awesome! Yaaay!



calichick said:


> P.S. Also saw a (new) hottie today, I think he was the same one I've been making eye contact with for the past 3 days - completely new guy he's like 6'5 which is the first thing I noticed about him -i'm loving my new work!


Cali, won't you introduce me to some of the men in your life? Sounds like you meet a new hottie every day :lol


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I had a dream last night, that there was an apocalypse and I was living in this small dictatorship village.

Anyway there was this band, I think who I came in with but for whatever reason a couple of members weren't allowed to come in (I can't remember that moment, but I was aware of this suddenly later,)

so one of the guys had suddenly returned and I was talking to him about what happened to the other guy, and then he had to leave (because he'd snuck in,) and I decided to walk him back for some reason and we were like cuddling and stuff as we walked, and then (this is on the street I actually live on but further up now for some weird reason,) we came to the house he was staying in. 

But we looked through the windows on the door and there was a very overweight woman sat downstairs operating some machinery so I decided I should leave and then kissed him.

But I felt sort of regret afterwards, like it had happened too fast. But I liked the cuddling part, but I dunno. It was better than most real life kisses I'd ever had, but not amazing. I guess my subconscious is realistic about these things. :lol

Then as I was walking down the street (but hadn't actually woken up) I had a feeling like 'oh it was a dream' You know like lucid temporarily but not quite? Hasn't happened to me in a dream I've remembered for a while now, pretty hilarious that it would happen then.

But I hadn't woken up and then I ended up returning to the camp, and the details are hazy but I escaped with a bunch of people in a car to go somewhere, but then somehow misplaced the car that I was driving in without getting out  then ended up running around desperately trying to find the car after that. And also the people before the leader noticed they were missing.

And then I actually did wake up and was like 'not sure I do regret that kiss, cuddling was definitely nice too :3'

and then got a bit creeped out because I recently read that everyone you think is a figment of your imagination actually uses the face etc of real people you've met/seen before... 

I'm posting this here because before I woke up or thought that the kiss was not reality I thought 'I should post that on SAS in that who was the last person you kissed thread' only that thread actually doesn't exist, and **** my subconscious is sad.


----------



## Ignopius

@Phantasmagorical Man that guy seems so sweet!!!!  Hope he likes Relient K. lol


----------



## tonym9428

calichick said:


> The following post is dedicated to my sincerest appreciation for the fact that: *THANK *****ING GOD I WAS NOT BORN A MALE.*
> 
> *I was having a conversation with a guy friend* today and he was enlightening me as to the social rituals among straight (or all) mankind that I was previously really unaware of.
> 
> He was saying something as minor as one man asking another straight man for directions will prompt a, "Dude, get the f*** away from me". WTF? Why so much animosity among straight men??? And I was thinking long and hard about how men behave around each other being the supposed "kings" of their kingdoms and how much I take for granted being a woman in this world. I cannot imagine being a guy, and having to treat all male strangers as a perceived threat.
> 
> See, as a woman, and a non-ugly woman at that, I do experience same sex conflict with other females, because women are competitive in their own right but I always have straight men to turn to. And women will at least put up a cheery front.
> 
> With men, you have the apathetic treatment from straight men, you have the REALLY b***chy treatment from women (I've unfortunately been one to perpetuate this treatment when I was younger and actually I guess I can't claim to be a complete saint when post above reads "What happened was I got a life you douchebag go suck some d*** and forget you know my number...", oops.) AND you're expected to
> 
> 1. Make more money and compete for your share
> 2. Not have emotions and suck it up
> 3. Be the provider
> 4. You have immensely high sex drives to deal with on top of that so if you aren't getting laid frequently, the testosterone is building up and with the stress from cortisol in your body, you're basically a walking BOMB.
> 
> I understand totally. Why men are the perpetrators of 98% of crime.
> 
> Why it really f****ing sucks to be you guys.
> 
> Oh my God, it makes me appreciate men so much more.
> 
> P.S. Also saw a (new) hottie today, I think he was the same one I've been making eye contact with for the past 3 days - completely new guy he's like 6'5 which is the first thing I noticed about him -i'm loving my new work!


Creating broad inferences from a sample size of 1...sounds brilliant!


----------



## calichick

tonym9428 said:


> Creating broad inferences from a sample size of 1...sounds brilliant!


You mad sweetheart?


----------



## tonym9428

calichick said:


> You mad sweetheart?


As a statistician, stuff like that does make me very angry...


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Nothing really.


----------



## rymo

tonym9428 said:


> As a statistician, stuff like that does make me very angry...


People say dumb things all the time, you'll give yourself a stroke worrying about that.


----------



## millenniumman75

tonym9428 said:


> As a statistician, stuff like that does make me very angry...





rymo said:


> People say dumb things all the time, you'll give yourself a stroke worrying about that.


Yep - there is a* 100%* chance of problems when thinking that way. :lol.


----------



## inane

Nick texted me today!!! I'm so elated to hear from him I didn't even censor myself, told him I missed him a lot and it's sucked not being able to speak to him and short of telling him I love him, I think I've gotten the point across that my life got a lot worse without him.

:fall

He could have been cold as hell and I would still have no shame saying all that.


----------



## inane

It's not the most loving conversation ever, and the synopsis is that we can't try again unless I make quite a few changes :| He admitted to being unhappy with how things were going, as well as how he saw things would be once I started university. 

I clarified a few things. Seeing each other only once a week was unacceptable to him, and there wasn't enough intimacy. He's put out his stipulations, basically... This has to change, or it's a no-go.

Sucks. But this was the closure I needed. I hope we can still stay friends at least (oh that won't happen- no one wants to stay friends with me).


----------



## inane

Alrighty, apparently we can't even be friends.

As happy as I was to hear from him, this was a whole bag of suck.

Someone pass me a goddamn drink.


----------



## veron

^If you like him that much, why won't you make some of the changes he asked for?


----------



## inane

veron said:


> ^If you like him that much, why won't you make some of the changes he asked for?


*Change #1:* Seeing each other more frequently.

I work full-time and will be attending university classes in the evenings and weekend. I don't imagine he would find it enjoyable to watch me study as a date.

*Change #2: *Spending the night together.

This is one of my biggest personal no-gos. I have never even done sleepovers with my closest friends of nearly a decade- I simply do not feel comfortable sleeping with someone else around. If it's about sex, why can't we do it after dinner on Saturday, or on a Sunday afternoon (he doesn't seem to have anything going on then so it seems convenient)?

Change #3 we are talking about at the moment and is something I can work on.


----------



## inane

We're negotiating and I can see he wants this to work. Probably almost as much as I do because the suck I had been feeling the past week, without him in my life, was just sh-t.

But let's call a spade a spade here. It's like the unstoppable force versus the unmovable object when it comes to our needs in a relationship.

Him: "I don't know how to deal with this."


----------



## rymo

inane said:


> We're negotiating and I can see he wants this to work. Probably almost as much as I do because the suck I had been feeling the past week, without him in my life, was just sh-t.
> 
> But let's call a spade a spade here. It's like the unstoppable force versus the unmovable object when it comes to our needs in a relationship.
> 
> Him: "I don't know how to deal with this."


In his defense not being able to spend the night with someone you're with would be a huge dealbreaker for a majority of people, I would think.


----------



## veron

As for change #1 , maybe it'll help to know that there are plenty of couples who did weekends only until they could spend more time with one another. My friend had a 4 year old long distance, weekend-only relationship with her husband before marrying him. I was also pretty much on a weekend-only basis with my ex; he eventually started spending weekends at my place, and then later on completely moved in.

As for change #2 , you'll just have to take the plunge. I'm guessing this is your first relationship, so it's perfectly understandable that you're nervous! But just go for it. I think it would be a pity to lose him over something you'd eventually have to face with another guy.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> As for change #1 , maybe it'll help to know that there are plenty of couples who did weekends only until they could spend more time with one another. My friend had a 4 year old long distance, weekend-only relationship with her husband before marrying him. I was also pretty much on a weekend-only basis with my ex; he eventually started spending weekends at my place, and then later on completely moved in.
> 
> As for change #2 , you'll just have to take the plunge. I'm guessing this is your first relationship, so it's perfectly understandable that you're nervous! But just go for it. I think it would be a pity to lose him over something you'd eventually have to face with another guy.


What surprises me is that he had a long-distance relationship for over a year, and had broken up with a girl once for being too clingy, but us seeing each other only once a week is a no-go for him.

Anyways I've laid out my cards, and he laid out his. I don't know what else to say or do.


----------



## inane

We didn't manage to work things out, but I do genuinely care about him still. I texted him today after yesterday's stalemate and we just sort of made smalltalk... the weather, alcohol combinations, hockey. I was sick today and stayed home from work and he didn't have a very good day at his.

He asked to see me this weekend, so likely after my class on Saturday, we can get lunch or something. Maybe talking in person would help... I hadn't seen him since the weekend before he left to see his family for Christmas. It's likely that we'd just come to the same conclusions, but maybe he'd change his mind about potentially remaining friends (instead of kicking me out of his life completely).


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> What surprises me is that he had a long-distance relationship for over a year, and had broken up with a girl once for being too clingy, but us seeing each other only once a week is a no-go for him.
> 
> Anyways I've laid out my cards, and he laid out his. I don't know what else to say or do.


That's how most relationships are, you basically have to do your best and make time or there is no relationship. For most people knowing you are trying is what matters more than the actual results - if he knows you're going out of your way to make time and be intimate and grow as a couple that probably matters more than setting hard goals, the feeling of progress is more comforting than measuring numbers.


----------



## inane

I think we've already halfway accepted that this is just going to be a friendship. My points are non-negotiable, and unfortunately those same points are his deal-breakers


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> I think we've already halfway accepted that this is just going to be a friendship. My points are non-negotiable, and unfortunately those same points are his deal-breakers


If you can make any changes you probably should try, most relationships you don't get second chances.. A healthy relationship should benefit both people and help both grow together and individually. What are these non-negotiable things - sounds like basic intimacy is what he is looking for and can't get which does make it just a friendship.


----------



## Violet Romantic

Right...so...Thought I would post an update. So... :um The last time I saw the guy (Monday), we decided to make it official. :um So, uhm...I guess I am a "girlfriend" now. :um That sounds *so* weird to say. I don't even think that label is suiting for the type of relationship we have. It doesn't quite fit with the type of bond that I feel we share. "Girlfriend" seems so...commonplace and bland. :b I don't think either of us should use that word, or "boyfriend" either, for that matter. We haven't used them, actually, but we definitely decided to be exclusive. o_o I don't even know who I am anymore. We have both been commitment-phobes for quite a while now, so we shall see how this goes. :b At the risk of sounding vulnerable, I have to say that I hope it goes well.

I feel soooooo at peace when I'm with him. It's better than any anxiety medication or pill. It's like I'm not even thinking. My thoughts turn almost completely off, and I just allow myself to breathe and to feel things. I haven't really experienced anything like it before. Not on a consistent basis, especially. But, when I'm not with him, part of me begins to mildly panic. I hope this doesn't turn into some co-dependent type of thing. That would be a real bummer. :sus

*Summary

SAS: What are you doing to get a boy?
Me: I got the boy.*


----------



## seeking777

@Phantasmagorical congrats, I'm glad somebody has finally made some progress and can bring some good news to this thread. When I first read your initial post I was almost in disbelief, it kind of renewed some hope in me. I didn't think guys like that still existed today. I'm glad it's working out for you.


----------



## Violet Romantic

seeking777 said:


> @Phantasmagorical congrats, I'm glad somebody has finally made some progress and can bring some good news to this thread. When I first read your initial post I was almost in disbelief, it kind of renewed some hope in me. I didn't think guys like that still existed today. I'm glad it's working out for you.


Thank you so much! Believe me, I felt just as much disbelief as you probably did, only more. I was like, "Is this real life???" Haha. I dunno where the heck he came from (figuratively speaking), but if I stumble across any more of his kind, I'll be sure to send them your way. :b


----------



## seeking777

Phantasmagorical said:


> Thank you so much! Believe me, I felt just as much disbelief as you probably did, only more. I was like, "Is this real life???" Haha. I dunno where the heck he came from (figuratively speaking), but if I stumble across any more of his kind, I'll be sure to send them your way. :b


:lol Please do! jk


----------



## inane

knightofdespair said:


> If you can make any changes you probably should try, most relationships you don't get second chances.. A healthy relationship should benefit both people and help both grow together and individually. What are these non-negotiable things - sounds like basic intimacy is what he is looking for and can't get which does make it just a friendship.


What I listed above. I am adamant that I cannot see him outside weekends, and it's one of his dealbreakers that I can't see him outside of the weekend. The other one is that I won't spend the night with him, and he said it's something he needs- it's not a matter of sex either. I'm definitely interested in that but he said sex is something he can wait for.

I actually asked him pretty bluntly what our relationship was exactly- are we friends or what, seeing as I don't meet his criteria to be more. He said he didn't want to be just friends and wants to figure out a way to make things work.

However, he suggested seeing each other on a weeknight just "occasionally". I asked him what occasionally was to him, and in my head, it's once a month. He said once a week :| So that's just to show how far apart we are on our relationship needs.

I'm crazy about this guy. I don't want to lose him and I'm well aware that if another woman comes along that he takes a liking to, and can offer him more than I can (not going to be hard lol!!!), he's not going to give it a second thought. That bites. But I'm honestly doing the best I can already.


----------



## inane

I don't know. I know I've been inconsiderate, but at this point, I feel like I'm just being plain disrespectful to him. He will resent me at some point if he hasn't started to already.


----------



## rymo

inane said:


> I don't know. I know I've been inconsiderate, but at this point, I feel like I'm just being plain disrespectful to him. He will resent me at some point if he hasn't started to already.


You won't let a guy you want a relationship with come over once a week during the weekdays. I am fascinated by this. How is this a thing that bothers you? Surely you can't be that into him if this is the case.


----------



## inane

rymo said:


> You won't let a guy you want a relationship with come over once a week during the weekdays. I am fascinated by this. How is this a thing that bothers you? Surely you can't be that into him if this is the case.


I left for work this morning at 6:50 and didn't get home until 9:45 at night. I have been having stomach issues that forced me to call in sick for work on Monday (I provide for myself financially- rent/tuition/etc.), and are bothering me so much now I can barely stand.

I work full-time and then go to university classes in the evening and the weekend. It is -20'C outside, snowing and freezing.

_Why would you ask me to go to you in such conditions?_ When talking about compromise, this is what I'm thinking. Please see it from my perspective. It may seem insignificant, but it takes a huge toll out of me just to spend the extra half hour in the freezing weather to get to his apartment, and then the trip back, even when I'm not feeling sick. It takes time out the evening when I could be resting. I would probably start crying from exhaustion if I had to do this for the sake of a relationship- I don't agree to it because it's my limit, I can't do it.


----------



## acidicwithpanic

My boyfriend and I just happened to meet over a mutual friend. It definitely wasn't love at first sight. A friend introduced us at a party with the initial intent of having us collaborate musically. (We're both guitarists with the same taste in music.) And it took a while for us to actually start going out. Initially I was reluctant to dating him because I was afraid of being part of a fetish-type of relationship where he was specifically attracted to me for my race. He never exhibited these type of behaviors because he treated me like an individual and dug me for my musical choices and personality; it's just my experiences in the past with creepy men who have been attracted to a racial stereotype that made me cautious around him at first. But after a couple of months he gained my trust. So not only do I have a musical partner, I ended up with a romantic partner as well.


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> What I listed above. I am adamant that I cannot see him outside weekends, and it's one of his dealbreakers that I can't see him outside of the weekend. The other one is that I won't spend the night with him, and he said it's something he needs- it's not a matter of sex either. I'm definitely interested in that but he said sex is something he can wait for.
> 
> I actually asked him pretty bluntly what our relationship was exactly- are we friends or what, seeing as I don't meet his criteria to be more. He said he didn't want to be just friends and wants to figure out a way to make things work.
> 
> However, he suggested seeing each other on a weeknight just "occasionally". I asked him what occasionally was to him, and in my head, it's once a month. He said once a week :| So that's just to show how far apart we are on our relationship needs.
> 
> I'm crazy about this guy. I don't want to lose him and I'm well aware that if another woman comes along that he takes a liking to, and can offer him more than I can (not going to be hard lol!!!), he's not going to give it a second thought. That bites. But I'm honestly doing the best I can already.


Some of that might also depend on age, financial situation, etc. It sounds like he's said loud and clear that he wants to be more than friends, and if the staying overnight thing is not just about sex, it is probably a genuine desire to grow things further. My gf died 2 months ago and I miss her like crazy, one of the hardest things for me right now is sleeping because for a long long time she was near me and I felt peace when I turned my brain off for the night, now I don't because she isn't around. Sleeping alone sucks, if this guy has ever experienced not being alone it is a hard thing to have to be alone again and deal with that on an ongoing basis. I think one night a week sounds pretty reasonable, or even every 2 weeks to meet in the middle and try it out. I went to school while working full time and its hard but a ton of people do it, him being around shouldn't make it totally impossible to still do life things.


----------



## veron

@inane Woah, it sounds like you really do have a lot on your plate. :/ I don't really know what to say, other than kudos to you for making it in that kind of cold.

---

Today my crush at work greeted me without that famous smile on his face. We had some bland, obligatory small-talk. This is the first time I've seen him so unenthusiastic about seeing me. If he ever had anything for me, it's gone now.

And I'm not crazy about him anymore either. Uh, I just wish I had _someone_. Someone to look forward to seeing, someone to come home to... The days are getting shorter and shorter, and it's always pitch dark when I get off of work, which is depressing. This is going to be a loooong winter.

Maybe it's time to get a cat?


----------



## inane

knightofdespair said:


> Some of that might also depend on age, financial situation, etc. It sounds like he's said loud and clear that he wants to be more than friends, and if the staying overnight thing is not just about sex, it is probably a genuine desire to grow things further. My gf died 2 months ago and I miss her like crazy, one of the hardest things for me right now is sleeping because for a long long time she was near me and I felt peace when I turned my brain off for the night, now I don't because she isn't around. Sleeping alone sucks, if this guy has ever experienced not being alone it is a hard thing to have to be alone again and deal with that on an ongoing basis. I think one night a week sounds pretty reasonable, or even every 2 weeks to meet in the middle and try it out. I went to school while working full time and its hard but a ton of people do it, him being around shouldn't make it totally impossible to still do life things.


I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend  How are you doing?


----------



## Stilla

_Sort of_ genuine question. 
How do you make a guy become interested in you?


----------



## Barette

^omg i love you for that image. i think you should just turn to jerri blank for any answers regarding the opposite sex.

personally, i like her seduction technique and sensual way with words.










^^^^i use that gem, personally, and it works every time!!!


----------



## Stilla

Hahaha

I wonder what reactions this one would get


----------



## Barette

^I thought about doing that one!!! That's my favorite, of course. Or--










I can't find the best one of all! "You're making me as moist as a cellar down there. ALlllllll mildewy. Enter if you dareeeee." or or or " I'm as moist as a snack cake"

(I'm so excited to talk to another person who has seen this showwwww omg)


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend  How are you doing?


Eh feel like my soul got ripped out but otherwise fine...

^
Aren't those from strangers with candy?


----------



## inane

My guy invited me to his apartment again tomorrow, rather than meeting for coffee after my class. I think he's likely going to be the guy I lose my virginity to.

I should start waxing down there or something. I'm not prepared have sex tomorrow, especially since we haven't been tested yet, but in case it happens _eventually_...


----------



## Barette

knightofdespair said:


> Eh feel like my soul got ripped out but otherwise fine...
> 
> ^
> Aren't those from strangers with candy?


YES! I can't believe there's others who know of it, nobody I know does (as in, the 6 people I've known the past 12 years...)



inane said:


> My guy invited me to his apartment again tomorrow, rather than meeting for coffee after my class. I think he's likely going to be the guy I lose my virginity to.
> 
> I should start waxing down there or something. I'm not prepared have sex tomorrow, especially since we haven't been tested yet, but in case it happens _eventually_...


Ooooooooh get it girly. Don't worry about waxing, if there's not enough time in between your little lady may be bright red still for the big show (esp if it's a first waxing!). just trim a bit I'd say, if it gets long (mine grows to 2+ inches sometimes and I'm not even kidding, so it's really just a necessity for me). Good luck!!


----------



## Shameful

Stilla said:


> _Sort of_ genuine question.
> How do you make a guy become interested in you?


Lol, it's been like, 89 pages of trying to answer that very question.  I have no insights.


----------



## Barette

^It is the great unanswered question. 

Here's one too---how to get guys to be nice to you and want you rather than only getting the guys who are creepy, liars, or have girlfriends already.

It's crazy to me since the majority of guys are cool, and yet the small percentage of untouchables are the ones who desire me the most???


----------



## inane

*warning: potentially TMI*

Just had the first date with my guy since our breakup before Christmas... We hadn't seen each other in about three weeks. I brought a small pizza and some Timbits over to his apartment. He didn't act any different than from before. Put his arm around me and we started to watch a movie on his couch.

The only problem? I'm on my period (it came last night!!!) and this is incredibly embarrassing but being so close together, the smell was noticeable. He soon commented on a strange smell, saying it seemed like it was coming from his laundry that was drying in his spare bedroom. Of course, it wasn't that. I hesitated and hung my head a bit, but him being an older man, I figured he would probably be understanding... And I was right. I told him it was my time of the month. He said, "So you're saying it could be you?" I said yes, and he gave a small smile and replied, "I don't think so." But he didn't make another mention of it and stayed close against me.

I was too self-conscious about it though so I suggested we go out. He said okay and we headed out to a coffee shop a few streets away. We spent some time talking and at one point, I got up and kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, and told him I missed him.

It was cold outside and he either held my waist or my hand as we walked. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, which made him smile. He kissed my temple back, and gave me random kisses there throughout the day. While waiting for a bus to get downtown (on my suggestion), he wrapped his arms around me from behind to help me warm up. Aw.

I tried to show more affection (I absolutely _feel _it- I just have a hard time showing it) by wrapping my arm around his waist too, holding his hand, giving him random kisses on the cheek. We had dinner.

While at the Metro station, he was holding me against him when I said, "I was just thinking..."

He looked at me, going "Hm?" but I couldn't really make eye contact. I continued though, saying, "I was thinking if you know where we can get tested..." He said he didn't know but could find out, holding me tighter and caressing the back of my neck *shivers in pleasure* (I love when my neck/throat is touched :b).

His stop came before mine, and he asked if I was going home with him. I said no. He asked if he could kiss me (*I never mentioned this because I knew it would make you guys pile onto me for being a cold b-tch*, but one of his grievances with me before is that I didn't let him kiss me)... I didn't say yes or no and just looked away a bit, and he grabbed my chin to turn towards him for a kiss. I felt so nervous because I don't know how, but it was kind of nice, or would have been if I weren't so anxious about it.

He texted me after saying it was a nice day, that it was nice just being together... And that I seemed to being growing more comfortable with him, which made him happy.

tl;dr- First date since breakup for a lack of intimacy; made efforts to hold and kiss my guy more and show the affection I feel. Ended with me asking to have sex with him, basically.


----------



## Umpalumpa

Wheres calichick? This forum is getting boring. :lol


----------



## Barette

^oh god pls don't summon her

@inane

That sounds INCREDIBLE. Omg! You must still be reeling from it! I would! I'd be smiling for days, that sounds like an amazing amazing night!!!


----------



## Barette

I'm starting to realize how little I understand the signals of men. just today I remembered an occasion a month or so ago where a guy I was talking to put his hand on my lower back for a moment while we were talking, and at the time I didn't think anything of it, but today it made me realize OH WOW THAT'S SOMETHING THAT MALES DO TO FEMALES THEY ARE SESSUALLY ATTRACTED TO. I didn't even get it until today. Wow? That's like so sad. 

Also, not being able to go to bars since like October is making me sad too. Reminding me of how pissed I am at my ex-friend for being so selfish and never going out when I was 21, despite sending me tons of pics of herself at bars when I was still 20 and couldn't join her. It was all I had to look forward to for a long time, and it was taken away in seconds. Now idk when I'll be able to go to bars, I genuinely dk. I have nobody to go with, no one at all. ****ing lame. ****ING LAME.


----------



## Darktower776

Barette said:


> ^It is the great unanswered question.
> 
> Here's one too---how to get guys to be nice to you and want you rather than only getting the guys who are creepy, liars, or have girlfriends already.


You have to find a guy that is genuinely nice/kind and that you are attracted to and not just acting that way as a front to get you in bed. How you can tell the difference at first is the hard part I would imagine.


> It's crazy to me since the majority of guys are cool, and yet the small percentage of untouchables are the ones who desire me the most???


It's probably because they make it the most obvious- sometimes in borderline scary ways. The guys you are wanting to attract probably aren't as obvious.


----------



## Barette

Darktower776 said:


> You have to find a guy that is genuinely nice/kind and that you are attracted to and not just acting that way as a front to get you in bed. How you can tell the difference at first is the hard part I would imagine.


Yeah that's great and I know that but that doesn't answer HOW.


----------



## Shameful

Hmm, I'm wondering how you know when you're ready to date.


----------



## Barette

^I think it's when it feels absolutely miserable to be alone. The trouble with anxiety is that it feels absolutely horrible to get any attention that could potentially become anything. It's such a PITA. I'm going to start my major soon and unfortunately for me there's no good looking guys on campus (i've seen 2, maybe 3 but the last one is taken) and so the best I can hope for is someone to go to bars with and meet men :/ I really don't want to meet anyoen though. 

How do you guys get past that, like, "I want to meet men but when I do I suddenly feel like an amorphous sexless creature that no man even sees as female so I give up and will just live a life of asexuality" Like, how does one get past that?!?!?!


----------



## Shameful

Barette said:


> ^I think it's when it feels absolutely miserable to be alone. The trouble with anxiety is that it feels absolutely horrible to get any attention that could potentially become anything. It's such a PITA.


YEAH. I am seriously miserable, bored, and alone, I desperately want a guy to pay attention to me, but then the moment that attention is actually put on me I feel sick.



> How do you guys get past that, like, "I want to meet men but when I do I suddenly feel like an amorphous sexless creature that no man even sees as female so I give up and will just live a life of asexuality" Like, how does one get past that?!?!?!


Fake it til you make it? Hopefully that concern would be alleviated once a guy is interested in you, having some objective proof that you're attractive.


----------



## Darktower776

Barette said:


> Yeah that's great and I know that but that doesn't answer HOW.


Actions. They really do speak louder than words. Does he just say these nice things but never back them up? Do you see how he treats others and how he talks and interacts with them. Is he genuinely considerate or just talk about how he is. Is he there when you really need him or let you down time and again?

Unfortunately, for dating in general and both guys and girls, you can't or won't be able to tell at first in most cases unless you have a chance to observe them or get to know them a little before you start dating.


----------



## inane

@Barette It was okay. I'm not exactly swooning. He did dump me only a few weeks ago.


----------



## Barette

Shameful said:


> YEAH. I am seriously miserable, bored, and alone, I desperately want a guy to pay attention to me, but then the moment that attention is actually put on me I feel sick.
> 
> Fake it til you make it? Hopefully that concern would be alleviated once a guy is interested in you, having some objective proof that you're attractive.


I feel sick too, in those moments. Physically ill. I've only slept with one guy, and he's the only guy I feel actual desire for that's pure, void of any anxiety or nausea or dizziness or disgust (i genuinely feel disgust sometimes when talking with guys who I know are interested, idk why :/). It's hard :/ Even when I have proof that they find me attractive, for some reason that makes me feel sicker? Like, more nauseous and dizzy and disgusted? idk why. It makes me disgusted to be a female, disgusted to be a human, and disgusted that I'm alive. it's such an extreme and physical reaction to something minor. Sometimes I genuinely think that something must've been done to be when I was really little, because I really sometimes feel like I'm going to vomit when men get physical. It's not even anxiety, it's disgust and shame.


----------



## MoveAlong91

Barette said:


> ^I think it's when it feels absolutely miserable to be alone. The trouble with anxiety is that it feels absolutely horrible to get any attention that could potentially become anything. It's such a PITA. I'm going to start my major soon and unfortunately for me there's no good looking guys on campus (i've seen 2, maybe 3 but the last one is taken) and so the best I can hope for is someone to go to bars with and meet men :/ I really don't want to meet anyoen though.
> 
> How do you guys get past that, like, "I want to meet men but when I do I suddenly feel like an amorphous sexless creature that no man even sees as female so I give up and will just live a life of asexuality" Like, how does one get past that?!?!?!


That's a strong way to put it.


----------



## Umpalumpa

Barette said:


> I feel sick too, in those moments. Physically ill. I've only slept with one guy, and he's the only guy I feel actual desire for that's pure, void of any anxiety or nausea or dizziness or disgust (i genuinely feel disgust sometimes when talking with guys who I know are interested, idk why :/). It's hard :/ Even when I have proof that they find me attractive, for some reason that makes me feel sicker? Like, more nauseous and dizzy and disgusted? idk why. It makes me disgusted to be a female, disgusted to be a human, and disgusted that I'm alive. it's such an extreme and physical reaction to something minor. Sometimes I genuinely think that something must've been done to be when I was really little, because I really sometimes feel like I'm going to vomit when men get physical. It's not even anxiety, it's disgust and shame.


Maybe its related to things getting too fast without you being interested.
As for 'thee' question :b,
I think that men get taught better about how to make a girl intrested because of today's "expectations" but luckily it is changing a little bit.
If the chemistry is there, all it takes is a little confidence in order to make things more comfortable, there is no need to be something special, but its really important to know how to set the atmosphere you are in, in order to make the guy you like feel more comfortable.
After all thats what its all about, making each other feel united and strong.
I mean, you draw well, you got things going on for you i assume...
Try making yourself feel a little more comfortable, feeling a little more safe, do what you want with no expectations and men will fall for you hopefully 
Hope i helped.


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> I'm starting to realize how little I understand the signals of men. just today I remembered an occasion a month or so ago where a guy I was talking to put his hand on my lower back for a moment while we were talking, and at the time I didn't think anything of it, but today it made me realize OH WOW THAT'S SOMETHING THAT MALES DO TO FEMALES THEY ARE SESSUALLY ATTRACTED TO. I didn't even get it until today. Wow? That's like so sad.
> 
> Also, not being able to go to bars since like October is making me sad too. Reminding me of how pissed I am at my ex-friend for being so selfish and never going out when I was 21, despite sending me tons of pics of herself at bars when I was still 20 and couldn't join her. It was all I had to look forward to for a long time, and it was taken away in seconds. Now idk when I'll be able to go to bars, I genuinely dk. I have nobody to go with, no one at all. ****ing lame. ****ING LAME.


Bars are only good if company is good. Otherwise, they're lame. Only the hot girls/guys get anything out of it.


----------



## Barette

Umpalumpa said:


> Maybe its related to things getting too fast without you being interested.
> As for 'thee' question :b,
> I think that men get taught better about how to make a girl intrested because of today's "expectations" but luckily it is changing a little bit.
> If the chemistry is there, all it takes is a little confidence in order to make things more comfortable, there is no need to be something special, but its really important to know how to set the atmosphere you are in, in order to make the guy you like feel more comfortable.
> After all thats what its all about, making each other feel united and strong.
> I mean, you draw well, you got things going on for you i assume...
> Try making yourself feel a little more comfortable, feeling a little more safe, do what you want with no expectations and men will fall for you hopefully
> Hope i helped.


It's usually just a matter of pushing back the sickness and trying not to vomit or show my disgust until eventually everything becomes numb. Maybe in the future that'll be it again.



gunner21 said:


> Bars are only good if company is good. Otherwise, they're lame. Only the hot girls/guys get anything out of it.


You saying I'm ugly?!?!


----------



## probably offline

[rambling, it got off-topic]

You know that feeling when you're lying next to someone you love, and you just want to crawl in under his skin, because you can't get close enough? I just wish I get to experience that once again before I die. It's like being embraced by the sun(I don't care how cheesy that sounds).

I wont search for it. Last time I found it was when I had given up on guys, completely. I just didn't give a **** about it, and it was liberating. BOOM. There he was. I'm not such a bargain anymore, though(if I ever was). The only thing I know that I *need* to do is find some kind of social life again, and I wont do that if I don't leave my house. That's one of my challenges for this year. Having a friend or two is actually _way_ more important, as things are now. That, and focusing on my life and becoming able to imagine myself in the future. I have to somehow accept how things are, and find some way to live with it. I can't afford therapy, so I have to do it on my own, somehow. I'm terrified, to be honest.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> It's usually just a matter of pushing back the sickness and trying not to vomit or show my disgust until eventually everything becomes numb. Maybe in the future that'll be it again.
> 
> You saying I'm ugly?!?!


Decent guys usually don't hang out in bars..


----------



## Barette

knightofdespair said:


> Decent guys usually don't hang out in bars..


Well then if I like to hang out in bars then that must mean I'm not a decent human being and therefore a not decent guy would be a perfect fit.

Or maybe... just maybe... such an illogical blanket statement is... an illogical blanket statement that doesn't actually apply to life.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> Well then if I like to hang out in bars then that must mean I'm not a decent human being and therefore a not decent guy would be a perfect fit.
> 
> Or maybe... just maybe... such an illogical blanket statement is... an illogical blanket statement that doesn't actually apply to life.


There will obviously be a few there, but generally they will be there for a reason, i.e. there with their girlfriend or to see the band or with a group of friends. From personal experience there is rarely a lot of times that a guy with a good job and background is going to say to himself "I'm going to go meet some woman at the bar". If they do go to the bar to meet a woman, it is usually not for anything long term or meaningful which again in my view means they aren't usually the kind of guy a classy woman wants to be with anyway.


----------



## Barette

You're assuming a lot about me, then, because I'm not that classy a dame. Nor am I trashy, though. I don't need to fit into a dichotomy. I'm just a human who likes bars, same with other humans.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> You're assuming a lot about me, then, because I'm not that classy a dame. Nor am I trashy, though. I don't need to fit into a dichotomy. I'm just a human who likes bars, same with other humans.


That's fine just saying that generally the kind of guys who choose to go to bars every night don't fit most women's view of good boyfriend/husband material. I have a friend that goes to them a lot, but that is because he plays in 2 metal bands and its basically as part of that. If he wasn't playing its rare that he chooses to go.


----------



## gunner21

Barette said:


> You saying I'm ugly?!?!


No! I was talking about myself there.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> You're assuming a lot about me, then, because I'm not that classy a dame. Nor am I trashy, though. I don't need to fit into a dichotomy. I'm just a human who likes bars, same with other humans.


Funny my gf was a lot like that when she was younger but as she got a bit older bars lost their appeal. Her interest was mostly because of music I think, but she also liked the social 'hanging out' aspect that people with SA usually don't enjoy the same way.


----------



## veron

My exciting update for the day: My crush sat next to me at lunch today. Yaaaaay! So what if there was only one seat available, which happened to be right next to me, when he walked in? This can't be bad, right?

(Yes, I'm kidding)



probably offline said:


> [rambling, it got off-topic]
> 
> You know that feeling when you're lying next to someone you love, and you just want to crawl in under his skin, because you can't get close enough? I just wish I get to experience that once again before I die. It's like being embraced by the sun(I don't care how cheesy that sounds).
> 
> I wont search for it. Last time I found it was when I had given up on guys, completely. I just didn't give a **** about it, and it was liberating. BOOM. There he was. I'm not such a bargain anymore, though(if I ever was). The only thing I know that I *need* to do is find some kind of social life again, and I wont do that if I don't leave my house. That's one of my challenges for this year. Having a friend or two is actually _way_ more important, as things are now. That, and focusing on my life and becoming able to imagine myself in the future. I have to somehow accept how things are, and find some way to live with it. I can't afford therapy, so I have to do it on my own, somehow. I'm terrified, to be honest.


I could have written this... Currently I'm trying to forget about my past relationship, and guys altogether, and focus on other areas of my life. If love happens to me again, great, and if not, oh well. At least I've experienced it once; I guess that's something to be grateful for.


----------



## probably offline

knightofdespair said:


> There will obviously be a few there, but generally they will be there for a reason, i.e. there with their girlfriend or to see the band or with a group of friends. From personal experience there is rarely a lot of times that a guy with a good job and background is going to say to himself "I'm going to go meet some woman at the bar". If they do go to the bar to meet a woman, it is usually not for anything long term or meaningful which again in my view means they aren't usually the kind of guy a classy woman wants to be with anyway.


I'm sorry, but this is just generalizing bull. All kinds of people go to bars, to have a good time. Most people go to bars. Yes, often with a group of friends, and then you mingle with other people you meet at the place, too(for example our Barette here). Most people have more than one agenda when they go out. Have fun, talk, dance, listen to music and maybe meet someone. There are also many people who go out with the sole purpose of finding sex for the night, but FAR, FAR from everyone. It's easy to spot those types because they're usually sleazy as hell from the get go.


----------



## Barette

^Amen.

I'm not a "certain type of girl" going to a "certain type of place" to meet a "certain type of men" for a "certain type of horizontal activity." Bars are just a social place with a manifold and diverse people.


----------



## knightofdespair

Barette said:


> ^Amen.
> 
> I'm not a "certain type of girl" going to a "certain type of place" to meet a "certain type of men" for a "certain type of horizontal activity." Bars are just a social place with a manifold and diverse people.


Whatever floats your boat I guess.. My gf's old job was in radio so we had to go to bars a lot and with her it was alright, but alone I just don't find it a good experience - my SA prevents that. Even with other people, with SA I don't really see myself approaching strangers without some decent amounts of alcohol and clear signs that they're open to it.


----------



## inane

I told him I wanted him to be my first, and he's booked an appointment for an STD test on my request. I offered to do one for myself too for his security but he said it was okay.

But I don't think it's right anymore. I think he's beautiful, incredibly cute and I am very attracted to him. But the emotional connection just isn't there. And I want to be able to have sex with my first person again... and again, and often, in a committed relationship. And I don't see that happening with him. We're arguing and breaking up every few weeks and it hasn't even been three months of dating. I'm not meeting his needs, he's not meeting mine. There is no way a long-term relationship would work between us if this fundamental incompatibility is something that can't be resolved.

During the breakup conversation and getting back together, he said how things were between us wasn't enough for him. That if things couldn't change or improve, it'd be over. I hadn't made any real change... as I knew I wouldn't. People don't change all that much. But you know what, he's had little empathy for me and it leaves me feeling uncared about and frustrated.

I walked him home tonight when he got sick suddenly at his friends place, where he insisted I come even when I said I wasn't feeling up for it (huge things going on in my life right now that have left me exhausted and drained). What I've kept in mind though is how one of his best friends said she is very close to him because he helped her through one of the lowest points of her life, when she was very depressed. Why don't I get that same compassion, interest, or support from him? 

I like him a lot, so it's a shame for me.


----------



## veron

Do you think that you maybe have an idealized view of relationships? Like, you think that two people should behave like such and such, the first kiss should happen in such and such a way, etc.? 

It's sounds like you have the right ingredients for a relationship - two people who are attracted to each other - and than something is holding you back.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> Do you think that you maybe have an idealized view of relationships? Like, you think that two people should behave like such and such, the first kiss should happen in such and such a way, etc.?
> 
> It's sounds like you have the right ingredients for a relationship - two people who are attracted to each other - and than something is holding you back.


I've tried to answer this a few times but not sure what to say. How do I have an idealized view? I don't think I'm at all a demanding girlfriend. I ask for very little as it is.

If I asked for any less, we may as well just return to being strangers, which is likely what will happen in the near future.


----------



## veron

^Oh, I dunno... you mentioned that you like him a lot, and then later say how you feel it isn't right. Like maybe you were expecting to have some perfect connection with really intense feelings for the first person you sleep with. In reality, no relationship is perfect, and no partner will ever be perfect...

----

My update: The guy at work just keeps getting hotter. Distracting me from my work, lol. Sometimes I still get vibes that he might like me, but he sure as hell isn't making it known. He laughs at things I say that aren't funny at all. Whenever I ask him to do something work-wise, he does it immediately, and is super nice to me (we mostly chat via IM), telling me to let him know if I need anything else. And that body of his... Ugh, why can't I meet such a sweet, sexy guy outside of work?

My mom called me the other day to let me know she saw a really cute guy doing some renovation work in our relative's apartment. Implying that I should come over and meet him :um The fact that my parents are trying to look after my love life is making me feel like a fairly lost case.


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> My update: The guy at work just keeps getting hotter. Distracting me from my work, lol. Sometimes I still get vibes that he might like me, but he sure as hell isn't making it known. He laughs at things I say that aren't funny at all. Whenever I ask him to do something work-wise, he does it immediately, and is super nice to me (we mostly chat via IM), telling me to let him know if I need anything else. And that body of his... Ugh, why can't I meet such a sweet, sexy guy outside of work?


Sounds like it, if he didn't like you he wouldn't be asking what else he could do.


----------



## inane

Sexting him a lot lol... Damn these carnal urges. He wants me to go over this weekend.

Sex isn't off the table but it won't be a consideration till he gets tested the results of which we wouldn't receive until three weeks after. At 32 and having had several girlfriends before, he hasn't gotten tested before so I don't want to take chances. Even if it is tempting. He's agreeable with safe sex but wants to fool around in the meantime.

But I'm still reluctant.. He's not my boyfriend and not someone I can see becoming such.


----------



## veron

Today's events: We happened to arrive at the staircase at the same time; he smiled at me and motioned at the stairs and told me to go ahead. What a gentlemanly move, lol. This guy is too cute. I think one day I'm just going to overhear that he's found a girlfriend, and I'm going to be very heartbroken. 

My ex never did nice things like this for me. If we went to the movie theater and he thought I got a better seat than him, he'd ask me to get up and then proceed to take my seat. When we went on tourist trips by bus, he'd hurry inside first so that he could take the seat next to the window, lol. He sent me a text yesterday saying that he misses me still after all these months. I don't know why he even bothers, especially after I've told him that I no longer love him and that I've moved on from him a long time ago. Why can't some normal, good guy chase after me?


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> Why can't some normal, good guy chase after me?


They don't exist.. Every guy is weird in some way.


----------



## veron

^I'm not looking for someone non-weird... just somebody who doesn't have anger issues and who will treat me well.

I don't really know how to meet a potential mate anymore. I've always felt it was a miracle that I managed to get into my previous relationship, lol. The older I get, the less guys there are to choose from. Most my age are either married or in long term relationships. I haven't met anyone at work or in my extracurricular activities. It seems like my interests are girly because I'm always surrounded by a _lot_ more females than males. And when I'm out and about for other purposes, like going shopping, or running, men never approach me. I've tried to remain optimistic and do something about this void in my life but I've run out of ideas. 
@inane, any updates from you?


----------



## inane

A lot of drama in a relatively short period of time. I'm not even going to go into what happened, but it'll be my first time seeing him again on Saturday in weeks.


----------



## monotonous

the other day at the passport office i met the cutest guy and he was white everything was perfect


----------



## blue2

Got a sex change wore a fancy dress n all :stu


----------



## calichick

I met a really cute guy at work today.

He's got his facial straps done really clean and nice, just the way I like it, and is one of the guys in my office that makes me quiver a bit every time he passes by because he's got that hot guy swagger. I noticed him checking me out a few times before, and I was thinking, ah potential.

Anyways, he comes to my coworker and asks him a question, avoiding me off the bat which first tells me he's shy initially.

And I overhear his conversation with him and butt in since my coworker didn't know, and I approach very close to him nearly touching him and answer his question. And he barely looks at me when he's speaking which tells me he's the passive aggressive type around women.

And when I answer him correctly, Im feeling pretty good with myself and return back to my desk.

5 minutes later, he approaches me again (guess it takes a dude that long to process his thoughts?) and thanks me for helping him out and introduces himself to me etc etc

Why is it that the majority of people who are nice and receptive to me are men?

I'm getting closer to this one girl at my work though. I can see a friendship forming and I really miss having solid girlfriends. Men are good for buttering your cupcake and a few other unmentionable things but it can get exhausting trying to relate to them. The only thing I have in common with them is sex and even with that it can be a downer sometimes. 

What bothers me about straight men is that it's really hard to have a nice, clean discussion with them without some kind of sexual innuendo or flirtatious overtone. Or a brief but non subtle glance at your chest and a once over.

I feel like I have to please them, in some way and it puts a lot of pressure on me to have that thought lingering so I just tend to avoid it altogether :sigh


----------



## SA go0n

monotonous said:


> the other day at the passport office i met the cutest guy and he was white everything was perfect


I hope you marry him girl. Those white guys are so .........................


----------



## Stilla

I had a dream about someone that didn't return my message on Facebook and in the dream I suddenly remembered that my last message to him had been asking if I could lick his nipples, which I thought had been a sign of us being friends and playing around (because obviously all people you sort of know joke around about licking each other's nipples). And then I started wondering if it might have been that message that had made him not reply... 
Thankfully I woke up after that and realized I had not sent that message (phew) and instead the unanswered message had been about school work and wasn't even worth replying to. Well he replied today after like two months and casually invited me over in a platonic friendship way which is nice because I need more friends. I actually should be posting this in a friendship thread but I don't think there is any, oh well.

Tl;dr I'm not doing anything to get guys to talk to me but that doesn't stop me from having nightmares about interacting with them. 

Ps. Someone should make a what are you doing to make a friend thread. Yes you. Reading this. Do it.


----------



## Shameful

Stilla said:


> I had a dream about someone that didn't return my message on Facebook and in the dream I suddenly remembered that my last message to him had been asking if I could lick his nipples, which I thought had been a sign of us being friends and playing around (because obviously all people you sort of know joke around about licking each other's nipples). And then I started wondering if it might have been that message that had made him not reply...
> Thankfully I woke up after that and realized I had not sent that message (phew) and instead the unanswered message had been about school work and wasn't even worth replying to. Well he replied today after like two months and casually invited me over in a platonic friendship way which is nice because I need more friends. I actually should be posting this in a friendship thread but I don't think there is any, oh well.
> 
> Tl;dr I'm not doing anything to get guys to talk to me but that doesn't stop me from having nightmares about interacting with them.
> 
> Ps. Someone should make a what are you doing to make a friend thread. Yes you. Reading this. Do it.


Hahahahahaahahaha

I'm also not doing anything to meet guys, yet I'm thinking about them a lot. And not doing anything to make friends. At this point the only way I'll ever even have a conversation with someone is if they break into my apartment.


----------



## knightofdespair

Shameful said:


> Hahahahahaahahaha
> 
> I'm also not doing anything to meet guys, yet I'm thinking about them a lot. And not doing anything to make friends. At this point the only way I'll ever even have a conversation with someone is if they break into my apartment.


Rapunzel, is that you? :?


----------



## calichick

Holy S*** there were so many fine dudes at my work today.

So I'm feeling extra S***ty this morning but it was about 80 degrees out and no traffic on the road because of Presidents' Day and I arrive at the office in better spirits only to meet the gaze of this fine as f!ck Middle Eastern looking son of a gun, tall, dark hair, swarthy skin, scruffy face, mid to late 20s, dressed extra sharp (I've seen him a few times around, we were in the kitchen once and he was looking me over) and I'm like F!!!!!!. I couldn't stop smiling for about, well until now...you know that feeling, that feeling of having your eggs drop because the dude is dripping in the finest testosterone juices, oh my god. So incredibly hot. Hot hot hot hot hot hot, you are so hot. I want your babies NOW.

And then, few hours later I'm looking down doing some paperwork at my desk and cute guy from last Friday is standing right above me, I look up into his eyes and he pauses for a second.

The thing with chemistry is that it's all in the eyes, hair, breasts, legs, a**, lips aside, it's all about the eyes. So when I'm looking at a man and he pauses and is just looking into my eyes, I can read them, in that moment of indefinable weakness, you can gauge a million and one things from how they stare at you and you want to be extra expressive with them. You want to have that look in your eyes of nurture, and care and temptation and, you know

Anyways he asks me some random question, I'm hoping he just came over to talk to me for the sake of talking to me but I think this guy is thirsty as hell so as the Frozen song goes, _let it be_. (And he also completely shaved his face which made me :cry )

later on in the day, I look up and there's this other insanely cute guy I usually don't gawk at men but wow.

All the men in my town are rocking scruffy faces, it is so hot. I'd imagine that the equivalent for females is super long hair reaching down towards the a**, it's so attractive I'm DYING.

I need to have sex so bad guys it's not. Even. Funny. I need men to stop just staring from a distance of being passive aggressive in their approaches and just put it on me.

Hard.










need to get a f***ing grip on my self, I can't stand not being able to carry out the deed. Now's not the time fellas if the stars are aligned and in my favor one man will be kind enough to lend me his bone for an hour...just man the f*** up already


----------



## inane

Doing my best to let my guy know I appreciate him, like telling him how the office was talking about Valentine's Day and I said I felt like the luckiest girl. Besides all his thoughtful gestures like making dinner and buying chocolates and one of my favourite beers, just _being _with him made me feel SO much better. (Life has gone down the sh-tter lately). Being cuddled and kissed for hours and hours by my boyfriend was so therapeutic.

We still haven't had sex- He ended up getting sick towards the end of the evening. I ran out to the pharmacy to get him some medication and cleaned up his kitchen while he laid in the tub. He seems perfectly comfortable with me seeing him naked though :b He looks great! French (-Canadian) men FTW!

He just laid his head in my lap afterwards to sleep a bit.

We only see each other once a week so will have to wait for more cuddles  He's the best! I'm really insecure about my own body, but I try to let him know how much I desire him (and do I ever :fall). Of course, he does all the right things and tells me I'm "beautiful", that there's nothing about my body he doesn't like (because he hasn't seen me naked yet!), that he's never wanted someone so bad.

With his being 32 and having gone through several relationships, I was surprised to hear that. I replied I had wanted him from the beginning, and he only kept getting better and better the more I got to know him.

I'm still scared of rejection, have very low self-esteem and body image, but I can't be with a better and more patient guy dealing with all this :um


----------



## knightofdespair

calichick said:


> I need to have sex so bad guys it's not. Even. Funny. I need men to stop just staring from a distance of being passive aggressive in their approaches and just put it on me.
> 
> Hard.
> 
> need to get a f***ing grip on my self, I can't stand not being able to carry out the deed. Now's not the time fellas if the stars are aligned and in my favor one man will be kind enough to lend me his bone for an hour...just man the f*** up already


Maybe if you weren't playing so hard to get... lol


----------



## inane

I think the intimacy issue had become a bit of an elephant in the room. It's been almost four months since we first started dating.


----------



## reaffected

Absolutely nothing.


----------



## inane

I'm coming close to wanting to tell him I love him. I say "love you" at the end of goodnight texts sometimes... It's too soon to call it that, but I've never had someone make me feel so comforted and cared about. I _feel _like his significant other, the sweet way he treats me.

He remembered something I mentioned on the weekend, and went and looked it up online to text me about tonight. Awww.. f***ing aw.


----------



## inane

Texting him a lot.


----------



## Jade18

reaffected said:


> Absolutely nothing.


High five girl


----------



## veron

I feel sad today. I'm still acting very nervous whenever I'm around that work colleague, and I hate it. Not only does it make me uncomfortable, but I think it makes him uncomfortable too.

We wait at the same bus stop when we get off from work. But we're rarely there together, because we leave at different times. Well, today it just happened that we were leaving at around the same time. I saw him a little bit ahead of me when I exited the building. He turned around to see who it was, and when he saw me, he yelled out a "bye" and continued walking. Basically, implying that he didn't want to wait and walk with me to the bus stop.

Well, I walk faster than he does, so I quickly caught up to him. As I was approaching him, he took out his phone as to appear busy. I said "bye" again as I walked by; he smiled and muttered something about him walking slowly, and I continued on with my faster stroll. 

I feel like he's avoiding me. Normally, if I was to see someone I knew walking in the same direction I was, I'd walk with that person... so yeah, this kind of hurts


----------



## tea111red

Nothing. I have to be put in a working situation or stuck w/ the person or something for anything to happen.


----------



## calichick

The f*** this dude is getting on my f***ing nerves

This one, messages me again today and says he'll be in my area and he wants to get together. Email, texts, messages, what the good f***


I haven't responded to him in half a year and he's still at it.


He must be mental. And I am pretty f***ing mental so he takes the cake.


----------



## hingedthomas

lisbeth said:


> Right now? Nothin'. Taking a breather from the whole thing.
> 
> I've never successfully _caught_ one of the horrible beasts, but here are a few ways I've met 'em: at nightclubs, at pubs/bars, at university societies and through friends. Dude who stuck around the longest (hardly a success story) I met at a clubnight with a lewd name.
> 
> I don't know what's the best way to go about this stuff. People say though uni/college, clubs/societies or volunteering, but I think all those are bad ideas unless you're really sure it's going to work out. If it doesn't then it's so awkward seeing that person again and it's even more awkward if other people mention it. When I went out with someone I had mutual friends with I regretted it.
> 
> It's easy to meet guys but it's hard to actually keep something up with them. Too much pressure for me.


is your avatar the girl from skins and the maze runner?


----------



## inane

Cuddling and spooning with my bf while watching movies at his place. I love how he holds me, I feel so safe and wanted. He randomly squeezes me tighter, smooths my hair back, kisses my ear, jaw, and neck. After a really rough week his comfort is just what I needed.

I also tried giving him oral for the first time last week... I didn't do it for long and it's not quite what I expected. It's hard to fit into my mouth. I would have asked to try again yesterday but I was falling dead on my feet from sleepiness.

I'm headed back over today after lunch with a new friend. I love spending time with my bf  I just wish I weren't so self-conscious. He tells me how I seem to be hiding from him at times, like being unable to look at him or hiding behind my hair... And it's true, but he has some intense eye contact- he has big eyes and he'll just give a long stare- that makes me feel uneasy sometimes because I'm not sure what he's thinking.

I'm partially just bragging about what a great guy I have  I told him how fortunate I feel to have gotten close to such a genuine and kind person- and he is. I can't imagine him doing or saying something mean to anyone.


----------



## inane

My coworker tried to kiss me :um I didn't think he was interested in me that way! He has a serious, long-term girlfriend.

I wish they had just broken up or something, but they haven't. He was just looking to cheat.


----------



## Violet Romantic

inane said:


> My coworker tried to kiss me :um I didn't think he was interested in me that way! He has a serious, long-term girlfriend.
> 
> I wish they had just broken up or something, but they haven't. He was just looking to cheat.


That's disgusting. Things like this give me no hope for being in a committed relationship. :dead

P.S.- Your updates are the main reason I continuously come to this thread. :b


----------



## inane

Phantasmagorical said:


> That's disgusting. Things like this give me no hope for being in a committed relationship. :dead
> 
> P.S.- Your updates are the main reason I continuously come to this thread. :b


Lol I feel like my updates are a lot more banal than others here.

The relationship is a bit troubled again, to do with intimacy. He invited me to have lunch with him and his mother today but I decided to back out last moment... I've been in a sour mood and am not wanting to meet anyone new, let alone someone who will be judging the hell out of me.

(Sour mood because I just got wind of news that my own estranged mother- who lives across the country- is getting surgery to remove a growth. And I got some notices from the government saying I owe them money and is now compromising my plans to fly back).

I've gotten comments on SAS before that IF YOU REALLY LIKED THE PERSON YOU'D MAKE THE EFFORT... :lol My honest reaction to that is just a big f you :no

...Sorry went off on a tangent there. It's been rough lately.


----------



## inane

Just got back from the boyfriend's apartment. I couldn't stop kissing him... He commented on it, and I think it's because I know I can. This is _my _boyfriend, and I can see him naked, kiss him all over, touch him all over. I gave him oral again and he said I've gotten better at it after a few times :b (He offered to return it but I said no).

I won't lie and say it didn't feel good to be held by my coworker. It did feel nice. But knowing that another woman could be really hurt by something that means _nothing _to me but superficial comfort... :/

Maybe things between me and my guy won't last. But tonight at least, he was mine.


----------



## reaffected

Jade18 said:


> High five girl


;D


----------



## truant

I think I'll probably just build my own.


----------



## inane

Dead bedroom. Over four months and we still haven't had sex yet. It's taking a bit of a toll on me because I want it. He says he wants it. But it hasn't happened.


----------



## zoslow

inane said:


> Dead bedroom. Over four months and we still haven't had sex yet. It's taking a bit of a toll on me because I want it. He says he wants it. But it hasn't happened.


If you don't feel comfortable taking the initiative yourself, I'd say be blunt about it. Tell him you want it and let him show the way. I mean he is more experienced from what I understand so it's natural and also, from my knowledge men will rarely let a willing girlfriend down if you know what I'm saying.


----------



## veron

I met a couple of guys recently, but none of whom have sparked my interest in a romantic sense. I also met up with an acquaintance of mine, and we seem to have a ton in common. I could definitely use a new friend. Problem is, he seems to find me attractive, and I don't feel the same way :/ So now I'm not sure whether I should continue hanging out with him or not.


----------



## calichick

_reaching for the backburner_ [v.] nights when you are so incredibly lonely that you think back to the last guy(s) you rejected with a fleeting thought to perhaps text them out of sheer boredom and intimacy cravings.

Guy 1 most recent, never in a hundred years.
Guy 2 mild recreational druggie who is slight arrogant chauvinist. Nah maybe for lunch though.
Guy 3 - tall dark and handsome and smooth talker. Wait why the f*** i didn't call him 6 months ago? Too f***ing late. He's gonna blow you off/doesn't remember you

I'm out of options ladies


----------



## gunner21

zoslow said:


> If you don't feel comfortable taking the initiative yourself, I'd say be blunt about it. Tell him you want it and let him show the way. I mean he is more experienced from what I understand so it's natural and also, from my knowledge men will rarely let a willing girlfriend down if you know what I'm saying.


This! Set aside a date in mind and make sure to get rid of all excuses you may have.


----------



## inane

Haven't had actual sex yet but we fooled around last weekend at his place, some oral, fingers and teasing. Saturday was great! He was really flirty and kissing my neck and shoulders in public, grabbing my butt, and it was turning me on. He's good with his hands, and felt really primed for PIV sex.. I felt so horny and bothered. I went down on him. He never asks and I just pull down his pants while we're watching TV. 

Sunday didn't go so well... I wasn't in the mood at all because I was so stressed of the week to come. School has been killing me and I'm leaving my job next week, so there's a lot to wrap up. Each shift is like pulling teeth.

I'm also feeling kind of unloved lately because it seems like outside physical intimacy, we don't have much going on in the relationship.


----------



## Lelaina

Hey guys, I'm looking for advice. Well, a few weeks ago I met a guy through a similar friend. I am pretty sure he is into me and tomorrow we'll meet the first time alone. The problem is, whenever a guy likes me I really freeze and I guess therefore seem distant. I actually just want to hook up with him. Well, has anyone else that problem. Can't you really react, if a guy likes you? Any tips how to get over it?


----------



## keithp

calichick said:


> I was waiting for someone to make this thread.
> 
> 1) look good
> 2) dress nice
> 3) work out
> 4) go out alone a lot (men are more able to approach without heaps of other people around)
> 5) eye contact
> 6) right place right time
> Independent men with jobs usually come out at a certain time.
> 
> Unfortunately for me, I live in a place with a higher concentration of married people.
> My options are so limited, I want to move! I can't take the 30 and 40 year olds anymore!
> 
> I want a guy in his 20s...
> 
> Places where I've had the MOST luck (I'm not nocturnal I don't do the night scene)
> 
> Supermarkets after work
> Cafés weekday lunch hour
> Sports games
> Hiking trails (load of good options if they aren't on the bike!)
> Public transit (have to be careful of shady lurkers)
> Stores (but the people that work there hit on me more often  )
> Travel spots/destinations but again loads of married folk
> Workplace (the best- the ummarried ones usually aren't just looking to hook up because if that goes awry, they fear you'll gossip and whatnot)
> Dog parks (but noticed more geeky guys come here as opposed to the trails. Maybe because they don't work out and consider a dog park "exercise" lmfao)


I have to ask one thing. You said go out alone and it's easier for men to approach without others around. From my experience going out alone for a guy is a red flag to a woman when usually you should be out with friends, and labeled as a creepy guy if your alone at the bar you approach a woman and she thinks the worst like your stalking Her or something.


----------



## Mrs Salvatore

keithp said:


> I have to ask one thing. You said go out alone and it's easier for men to approach without others around. From my experience going out alone for a guy is a red flag to a woman when usually you should be out with friends, and labeled as a creepy guy if your alone at the bar you approach a woman and she thinks the worst like your stalking Her or something.


I think her advice was for girls, not for guys.


----------



## veron

There's not much for me to update here. Today I went for a drink with some colleagues after work, and my work-crush was there too. He always sits on the other side of the table from me, so I don't really have a chance to talk to him. Nothing ever happens between us on these social event types. Oh, and apparently he's got a really active social life. He talked about how he goes out on weekdays and sometimes goes to bed in the wee early hours of the morning. I could never do that, lol. 

That kind of got me thinking, why is he single for so long? He's cute, funny, has a great job, is socially competent, and non-gay. Come to think of it, I know a lot of people who are seemingly normal, good looking, and single... it makes me wonder. My parents say that people don't socialize these days like they used to. But I'm not so sure - I mean, these people are out and about all the time. Hmmm.

I also hung out with that acquaintance of mine twice. The guy who I sensed was trying to get with me. I've been ignoring his texts and stuff. I think he got the hint, because he backed off.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Nothing because I ain't gay.


----------



## inane

Accepting and starting to reciprocate the advances of a different guy I consider a friend


----------



## truant

My new goal is to get rich and rent one.

**** this. If men can do it, so can I.


----------



## Mrs Salvatore

No don't stoop to their level!


----------



## truant

Mrs Salvatore said:


> No don't stoop to their level!


I'd rather live with shame than live alone.

The sex is better.


----------



## veron

truant said:


> My new goal is to get rich and rent one.


That shouldn't be too hard... I mean, I doubt a boyfriend for a night costs a fortune 

As for me, there's not much new, as per usual.

- My ex tried to get back in touch with me via social networking. That invite went off to the trash bin
- The guy who I went on two "dates" with got back in touch with me after a while. I thought he gave up on me because I'm not that interested in him. But nope, he's trying to set up another date.
- I met a couple of guys, none of whom have interested me much. One of them is a creepy stalker
- My crush at work and I had a nice little convo in the kitchen the other day. He always leaves so quickly; I can't tell whether I bore him or he leaves because he's nervous :um


----------



## TicklemeRingo

veron said:


> That kind of got me thinking, why is he single for so long? He's cute, funny, has a great job, is socially competent, and non-gay. Come to think of it, I know a lot of people who are seemingly normal, good looking, and single... it makes me wonder. My parents say that people don't socialize these days like they used to. But I'm not so sure - I mean, these people are out and about all the time. Hmmm.


Lots of people are just happy being single. I wouldn't assume anything about a person just because they are single.


----------



## veron

^I don't think so... some people are miserable while single, and others are in denial  All joking aside, why would anybody not want to have a meaningful partner? It's human nature, really.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

veron said:


> ^I don't think so... some people are miserable while single, and others are in denial  All joking aside, *why would anybody not want to have a meaningful partner?* It's human nature, really.


They're busy with other things, have goals they're working towards and don't want the full-time responsibility of a relationship getting in the way, don't feel lonely, get enough human interaction/friendship from other sources, get enough sexual pleasure on their own or with others without being in a relationship, like being independent, don't feel an urgent need to hurry....

^There are any number of possibilities :stu Not everyone feels a great urge to be in a serious relationship. Some people are just wired differently.

(yes I'm projecting my own feelings )


----------



## veron

So... you fall within the category "in denial."


----------



## TicklemeRingo

veron said:


> So... you fall within the category "in denial."


Never! :wife

(although I am happily medicated, so who knows what I'd be feeling without it)


----------



## chefdave

TicklemeRingo said:


> They're busy with other things, have goals they're working towards and don't want the full-time responsibility of a relationship getting in the way, don't feel lonely, get enough human interaction/friendship from other sources, get enough sexual pleasure on their own or with others without being in a relationship, like being independent, don't feel an urgent need to hurry....
> 
> ^There are any number of possibilities :stu Not everyone feels a great urge to be in a serious relationship. Some people are just wired differently.
> 
> (yes I'm projecting my own feelings )


I agree with most of this as I'm convinced that the upsides of being with a girl are outweighed by the downsides. Its difficult to find 'meaning' in something that is likely to cause problems.


----------



## inane

I can usually tell when my boyfriend is feeling turned on because he always makes these soft sighs and coos when we're cuddling. It sounds weird in writing, but it's actually incredibly endearing. I finally pointed it out to him and he replied, "It's because you make me feel good."

Romance is in these French guys' genes...


----------



## inane

Although, we're stuck at a standstill regarding sexual compatibility.. Basically all forms of sexual contact are off the table until we can figure it out.

I hope it's soon because I have a serious case of female blue balls (blue walls :teeth).


----------



## dontwaitupforme

I haven't been making a concious effort to pursue anyone, things just happen every now and again.

The guy who sold me the bike I purchased yesterday engaged in abit of flirting (he had to take my number to let me know when it had been set up.) Ended up talking to him about alsorts throughout the night.. I don't even know how it began haha. He's really big into racing and seems to have a pretty laid back personality. Il be back at the shop over the weekend, so would be interesting to see how things went from there.

Another guy, I began messaging through tinder (an account I made for fun more than anything, I don't think you can really take those sites too seriously.) as we both share mutual friends from the past and were texting for a while before. Again, I really like his personality.. Pretty cool coincidence.

As much as I like talking to guys and would even consider working up the nerve to maybe start dating again, I feel like I need to work on a few personal flaws before becoming connecting with someone on a deeper level. Trying to use my brain rather than go by fleeting emotions. Sometimes it's just nice to talk and flirt with guys as friends, idk. You never know what could happen.


----------



## inane

We're not really communicating the past few days. I've been feeling very inadequate, and his comments last weekend on my appearance and constantly telling me how awkward I am has finally gotten to me. It's not his fault, I'm on quite a depressive spiral lately and I'm all raw nerves. No comment with any sort of negativity is getting past me without being blown out of proportion in my head.

Still, spending so much time trying to look nice for a date together, only to have my face insulted within minutes of meeting each other, left me feeling sour. I was also excited because I thought I could spend the weekend with him (we don't have lots of time together), but I felt so mortified that I left immediately. Not that I would have gotten to spend the weekend with him anyways because he had such a great day with his friends on Sunday. Good to know. 

And the bedroom issue is still hurting me. I find myself thinking of asking a male friend to be a steady FWB with me, so I can have sex regularly. I'm starting to need it.

He told me he loved me last night, randomly. I didn't return it because I'm unable to shake off the negative feelings. I did apologize for being rude to him earlier in the day though over text... Rarely a reason to be unkind, after all.

It's his birthday next week, so I'm just going to drop off a gift for him. I leave the city for a month in two weeks.

Life has been a steaming pile of sh-t and I only have myself to blame. Ugh.


----------



## UnderdogWins

inane said:


> We're not really communicating the past few days. I've been feeling very inadequate, and his comments last weekend on my appearance and constantly telling me how awkward I am has finally gotten to me. It's not his fault, I'm on quite a depressive spiral lately and I'm all raw nerves. No comment with any sort of negativity is getting past me without being blown out of proportion in my head.
> 
> Still, spending so much time trying to look nice for a date together, only to have my face insulted within minutes of meeting each other, left me feeling sour. I was also excited because I thought I could spend the weekend with him (we don't have lots of time together), but I felt so mortified that I left immediately. Not that I would have gotten to spend the weekend with him anyways because he had such a great day with his friends on Sunday. Good to know.
> 
> And the bedroom issue is still hurting me. I find myself thinking of asking a male friend to be a steady FWB with me, so I can have sex regularly. I'm starting to need it.
> 
> He told me he loved me last night, randomly. I didn't return it because I'm unable to shake off the negative feelings. I did apologize for being rude to him earlier in the day though over text... Rarely a reason to be unkind, after all.
> 
> It's his birthday next week, so I'm just going to drop off a gift for him. I leave the city for a month in two weeks.
> 
> Life has been a steaming pile of sh-t and I only have myself to blame. Ugh.


 I'm sorry your relationship is in a rough patch right now. Maybe if both of you can improve your communication with one another it can bring you closer together.

If you're feeling frustrated that you can't get any satisfaction. Wouldn't it be better for your conscience to buy a high end toy(s) than your alternative solution? Or better yet can't you have an honest discussion with your boyfriend that you want/need a physical relationship? Discuss turn-on's/turn-offs, likes, dislikes, etc.

Best of luck


----------



## inane

UnderdogWins said:


> I'm sorry your relationship is in a rough patch right now. Maybe if both of you can improve your communication with one another it can bring you closer together.
> 
> If you're feeling frustrated that you can't get any satisfaction. Wouldn't it be better for your conscience to buy a high end toy(s) than your alternative solution? Or better yet can't you have an honest discussion with your boyfriend that you want/need a physical relationship? Discuss turn-on's/turn-offs, likes, dislikes, etc.
> 
> Best of luck


Haha it's usually like this, one way or another. I'm very impulsive, volatile, and emotionally disturbed... while he is the most well-adjusted, normal, calm person you'd ever meet. I'm always kicking up drama while he attempts to wind me back down to earth.

Communication isn't easy because he tends not to do it, and I don't want to always be the one bringing up touchy subjects.

And FYI I wasn't alluding to infidelity. It's a serious breach of trust and I have no respect for cheaters... Although I admit I had been toeing the line in recent weeks, out of insecurity (my boyfriend can do a whole lot better than me..). If that were the route I'd take, I'd come open with it to him *before *going on it. As for toys, it doesn't give the same kind of intimacy. The warm body of another person, the scents, touches.


----------



## Alas Babylon

TicklemeRingo said:


> Lots of people are just happy being single. I wouldn't assume anything about a person just because they are single.


This is pretty much correct right here.



veron said:


> ^I don't think so... some people are miserable while single, and others are in denial  All joking aside, why would anybody not want to have a meaningful partner? It's human nature, really.


Eh, I've been single for a while myself, although I've been in relationships, and I like to consider myself as socially competent and interesting and so on.

Although I do want to have meaningful relationships, I'm not actively unhappy being single. I still have emotional support, I still have a social life and I'm not sexually frustrated or something (thanks to the wonders of friendship) - in short, I'm happy with myself in that sense. I'm not in a rush to meet somebody, I simply figure it'll happen eventually.

Also, people who act like being single is the worst thing in the world are almost universally bonkers. It's a pretty big red flag in my experience.

If you get into relationships simply because you don't want to be single, than you are getting into one for the wrong reasons.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Alas Babylon said:


> I simply figure it'll happen eventually.


Yeah that's the other thing I forgot to mention. Some people are confident it will happen eventually, and simply don't feel the need to make it their number one priority at the present time.


----------



## veron

Alas Babylon said:


> Also, people who act like being single is the worst thing in the world are almost universally bonkers. It's a pretty big red flag in my experience.


You're 19.. I didn't care much about being in a relationship at that age either, lol. But after you've spent 5, 10, 15, years of solitude... it's a different perspective.

Also, I didn't say it's the worst thing in the world. Of course there are far worse things than being single.


----------



## inane

The SO's best friends are female, and whenever he's with them, he never texts me. I know my jealousy is irrational because of course you wouldn't be texting while you're with good company. But I can't help but feel like I'm the second choice for him.

I was going to see if he'd like to hang out today, as I'm leaving for a month in a week... But he's spending the day with them, so we won't speak the entire day most likely. I like his friends- I've met them and they're sweet girls- but how well they know him, how obvious their love is, and the strength of their relationship...

The few times I was there, he spent most of the time talking to them rather than me. Not that I blame him but my mind is in such a bad place that I cannot be reasonable. I must be a burden, superfluous.

I mean, what other reason is there for me to have been alone most of my life. Things like this happen sometimes and lie to me temporarily that it could be different, _maybe_. But it's just that, a lie, a bone to keep me going.


----------



## inane

I spent the last evening with my SO before I leave for the other side of the country indefinitely. While making out/cuddling on his couch, I told him that sometimes I wished I hadn't fallen in love with him because life feels incomplete without him. And I wouldn't have to miss him if I didn't love him. He replied that it's because of these feelings that he knows I'll come back.

I'm going to miss him so much.


----------



## tea111red

Nothing. I don't have the energy to put in the effort unless an opportunity just comes to me easily or if I randomly meet someone and hit it off w/ them.


----------



## truant

Losing squish.

But I have a backup: I'm going to make a lot of money and hire a pool boy.

In that case, I might even get a pool.


----------



## inane

Telling my boyfriend I miss and love him almost everyday while I'm on the other end of the country. Two more weeks till I can hold him again.


----------



## srschirm

inane said:


> Telling my boyfriend I miss and love him almost everyday while I'm on the other end of the country. Two more weeks till I can hold him again.


Stay strong...it's tough, but I believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel if the people want to make it work.


----------



## ruthy24

As of now, nothing.


----------



## acinorevlm

I'm doing nothing to get a guy. I want to be with someone, but I feel like I'm not good enough or pretty enough to be with anyone.
There was this one guy I liked him so much, but I never told him how I felt. We were in the same class, and then we were sent to the same clinic for our externship. I should've told him.


----------



## Swanhild

Nothing. There's no point in trying when you already know what the outcome will be.


----------



## Medeia

I'm friends with a lot of guys, but it seems like I lack the looks/skills to sexually attract any. So, nothing for now.


----------



## Mrs Salvatore

Medeia said:


> I'm friends with a lot of guys, but it seems like I lack the looks/skills to sexually attract any. So, nothing for now.


Same. Plenty of friends, none see me as a potential romantic interest. I'm not going to do anything about that.


----------



## veron

I met a guy on my vacation recently. We kind of became friends, and it lasted until he tried to hook up with me. I ditched him, and he just went on to the next girl, lol. This is the story of my life - guys I do not find attractive pursue me, while the guys I do just ignore me.


----------



## EvonneEzell

I usually take more time do my hair and makeup. I also make sure my nails are painted Which is unusual for me. Lol. I also blush a little bit more when they talk to me.


----------



## sajs

I'm dressing very sl*tty


----------



## Doobage

I made a profile on a dating site yesterday and was almost *instantly* reminded why I gave up on dating sites.


----------



## jsgt

This thread is oddly comforting in a way...keep it up ladies!


----------



## slowlyimproving

inane said:


> Haha it's usually like this, one way or another. I'm very impulsive, volatile, and emotionally disturbed... while he is the most well-adjusted, normal, calm person you'd ever meet. I'm always kicking up drama while he attempts to wind me back down to earth.
> 
> Communication isn't easy because he tends not to do it, and I don't want to always be the one bringing up touchy subjects.
> 
> And FYI I wasn't alluding to infidelity. It's a serious breach of trust and I have no respect for cheaters... Although I admit I had been toeing the line in recent weeks, out of insecurity (my boyfriend can do a whole lot better than me..). If that were the route I'd take, I'd come open with it to him *before *going on it. As for toys, it doesn't give the same kind of intimacy. The warm body of another person, the scents, touches.


That's good. Tell him first, everyone deserves at least that much respect. Hopefully things will work out and it won't have to come to that.


----------



## crimeclub

jsgt said:


> This thread is oddly comforting in a way...keep it up ladies!


This thread used to be a fountain of entertainment, but then over the last few months a number of regulars stopped coming to the site.

Not that this thread is meant to entertain, but sometimes a thread attracts a certain combination of personalities and it becomes the gift that keeps on giving, I actually kind of miss it.


----------



## Doobage

Can someone point me to somewhere, anywhere on this site that's a safe place for women and where our problems aren't dismissed by males who believe that we, as an entire gender, are the cause of all of their problems? (You can PM it to me if you want.)

I was interested in this forum because I thought it would be a place to express myself in ways I can't in real life because of my SA and where other people have the same issue. But even this thread seems to be about 60% male responses.


----------



## crimeclub

Doobage said:


> Can someone point me to somewhere, anywhere on this site that's a safe place for women and where our problems aren't dismissed by males who believe that we, as an entire gender, are the cause of all of their problems? (You can PM it to me if you want.)
> 
> I was interested in this forum because I thought it would be a place to express myself in ways I can't in real life because of my SA and where other people have the same issue. But even this thread seems to be about 60% male responses.


Haha... girl, you're on SAS.


----------



## zookeeper

crimeclub said:


> Haha... girl, you're on SAS.


For reals.

There may be a private group? Beyond that, god help you.


----------



## Doobage

Yeah, I guess I was hoping for a miracle!


----------



## inane

Asking him to speak to my mother on the phone (we're 3,600 km apart right now, him at home in Montreal and me in my hometown Vancouver).

Unfortunately he has social anxiety as well, and couldn't do it. Also unfortunately, Mom is a typical overprotective Asian mother and she went on a tirade about how I should be careful, how it's odd that a man would refuse to speak to his girl's parents especially being a decade older, etc. Sigh.

I defended my SO saying he treated me well, is just shy, blah blah. But to him, I was also a little sour that he couldn't suck it up for my birthday. I thought it would be amusing to hear them talk and it was yanked from under me


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Doobage said:


> Can someone point me to somewhere, anywhere on this site that's a safe place for women and where our problems aren't dismissed by males who believe that we, as an entire gender, are the cause of all of their problems? (You can PM it to me if you want.)
> 
> I was interested in this forum because I thought it would be a place to express myself in ways I can't in real life because of my SA and where other people have the same issue. But even this thread seems to be about 60% male responses.


Used to be a couple of private groups, don't think they are active anymore though. A few people left, and a lot of users aren't active anymore.


----------



## Mrs Salvatore

Doobage said:


> Can someone point me to somewhere, anywhere on this site that's a safe place for women and where our problems aren't dismissed by males who believe that we, as an entire gender, are the cause of all of their problems? (You can PM it to me if you want.)
> 
> I was interested in this forum because I thought it would be a place to express myself in ways I can't in real life because of my SA and where other people have the same issue. But even this thread seems to be about 60% male responses.


Ha. Yeah, sadly the males are everywhere on here
I'd recommend just trying to make friends with supportive people here, or trying your best to ignore d***s.

We really need the gender back under the avatar


----------



## Bonfiya

Arg, I need to stop being so uptight about meeting new guys.

I went to a friend's small get together for her birthday and there was this guy that kept on trying to talk to me, even doing things for me, but I kept on flicking him off because I'm that type of awkward. I really did want to talk to him too but I always come to the conclusion that I'll be too awkward if I do end up talking to them and it'll scare them off so my "great logic" is to act cold towards them or give them one worded answers and I always end up regretting it.

*facepalfacepalmfacepalm*

Not really a what are you doing to get a boy but I needed to vent somewhere slightly relevant.


----------



## truant

The thigh gap is taking too long so I'm trying something new. People sure do ask a lot of questions when you buy a big steel cage.

I think baiting a trap with porn sends the wrong impression, so I'm going to try videogames. Anybody got any suggestions?


----------



## SilentLyric

well I overheard him on the phone talking to someone he knew. by the tone of his voice, he sounded very affectionate. I'm pretty sure he's got a partner. not that I was looking for that, but I wanted to get him in some fun capacity. sigh. the one dude in the warehouse that makes me more nervous than being trapped in a room full of bees is unavailable. oh well.


----------



## Gojira

Oops, stumbled into the ladies room... I saw nothing! *awkwardly shielding his eyes, he backpedals to the door, whistling nervously to himself*


----------



## Xisha

^ No. Stay. Try some tampons on while you're here!


----------



## Gojira

Xisha said:


> ^ No. Stay. Try some tampons on while you're here!


Well, I'll take a double then, luckily I've been blessed with two nostrils.

P.S. I do believe your comment wins the prize for the strangest thing that's ever been said to me. Ever.

+250,000 reputation for you


----------



## Xisha

Gojira said:


> Well, I'll take a double then, luckily I've been blessed with two nostrils.
> 
> P.S. I do believe your comment wins the prize for the strangest thing that's ever been said to me. Ever.
> 
> +250,000 reputation for you


:grin2:

Would you like them in a gift bag or will you be wearing them out?


----------



## Gojira

Xisha said:


> :grin2:
> 
> Would you like them in a gift bag or will you be wearing them out?


XD This one made me lol

Ofc I will be... mmm, what is the saying, "Rock out with your nose tampons out??" Something like that lol.


----------



## Xisha

Gojira said:


> XD This one made me lol
> 
> Ofc I will be... mmm, what is the saying, "Rock out with your nose tampons out??" Something like that lol.


Excellent choice! You will be the fashion envy of all.


----------



## Gojira

Xisha said:


> Excellent choice! You will be the fashion envy of all.


Base God


----------



## arja

I just joined a dating site. I writed I`m looking for friendship first. In real life I don`t go out much and nobody seems interested in me. 
Somebody already asked for a drink, hope I get a courage and go  . But that is not a date, I consider it just a drink. I`ve never been on a real date in my life.


----------



## crimeclub

arja said:


> I just joined a dating site. I writed I`m looking for friendship first. In real life I don`t go out much and nobody seems interested in me.
> Somebody already asked for a drink, hope I get a courage and go  . But that is not a date, I consider it just a drink. I`ve never been on a real date in my life.


I'd consider that a date. I think going out to get a coffee/beer or a quick afternoon lunch is the best idea for a first date with someone you've only just met online. You don't want to go to a sit-down restaurant on a friday night and realize you two aren't clicking before the dinner has even arrived, that sucks.


----------



## Imbored21

Medeia said:


> I'm friends with a lot of guys, but it seems like I lack the looks/skills to sexually attract any. So, nothing for now.


Most men aren't friends with girls they aren't attracted to.


----------



## Gojira

arja said:


> I just joined a dating site. I writed I`m looking for friendship first. In real life I don`t go out much and nobody seems interested in me.
> Somebody already asked for a drink, hope I get a courage and go  . But that is not a date, I consider it just a drink. I`ve never been on a real date in my life.


Good luck!

And, what crimeclub said.


----------



## Dehabilitated

arja said:


> I just joined a dating site. I writed I`m looking for friendship first. In real life I don`t go out much and nobody seems interested in me.
> Somebody already asked for a drink, hope I get a courage and go  . But that is not a date, I consider it just a drink. I`ve never been on a real date in my life.


Have fun!


----------



## SilentLyric

well he asked if he wanted me to join him in getting a drink after work, with a few other people as well. it was someone's last day. so I know that's the reason. secretly I wished it was a coverup to see me in a non work setting...but I know I'm just dreaming. le sigh.


----------



## inane

Relationship is ending. Collected my things from his place this morning. He looked like he hated me. No longer even on speaking terms. We hadn't had sex in 6 weeks and I suggested doing it in the mornings when we see each other before work, and he said there wasn't enough time. I would have made time.

I did make a new male friend who I've been getting to know. I felt really lonely today so I texted him, and he invited me over to his swanky apartment to spend time together. Nothing weird, all platonic. He drove us to a street festival and we had drinks and appies, then went through a nice cathedral and sat in a nearby park for a bit. It was great. He was hugely successful and rich, but he was so nice and down-to-earth.


----------



## veron

I opened up an online dating profile, and was immediately reminded of why I closed it the last time, lol.

I didn't post up a photo of me, because there are a few people on there I recognize (including a work colleague), and I didn't want them to recognize me  I didn't expect to receive any messages, but I did. I must be extremely picky, because I find only like 1-3% guys attractive based on looks alone. I'm sure that I'd find more of them attractive if I'd met them in person. But with online dating, the photo is pretty much the only thing to go by - one reason I dislike online dating.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> He was hugely successful and rich, but he was so nice and down-to-earth.


This one sounds like a catch.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> This one sounds like a catch.


Quite.

If he was a snobby s***, the shiny things would still have meant nothing. But he has a gracious personality.


----------



## inane

(removed)


----------



## inane

Darktower776 said:


> Good riddance, I say.


Can I request you please edit out my quote.

He's a good person and I think I'm just being extremely jealous and insecure.


----------



## Darktower776

@inane- Deleted the quote.


----------



## Midnight626

Just two cents here. 
SA or no SA, I've always found (when I did date) that when nervous or unsure about approaching a woman, the second she smiled at me, or a smile turn away look-back smile, and locked eyes? That was a sure fire way to get me to approach her & talk. Worked like clockwork. I won't speak for all the men in the world but I think it's all body language/attitude. If a woman wanted to speak with me yet showed no interest but maybe some eye contact? It was already said here, us guys can be slow to pick up cues. As for guys wanting sex and only sex, have a conversation with one of us. And if sex isn't mentioned within say......two weeks I'd green light that for he's genuinely interested. Just two cents.


----------



## MetroCard

Be a skrippa


----------



## mcmuffinme

Putting myself through hell, currently. Usually, nothing. I hate feelings. They're evil.


----------



## Doobage

Some advice, if anyone has any...

I met this guy a few months ago and we really got along despite having different backgrounds. I thought he was attractive and intelligent but due to my past experiences with men, I told myself to be just friends with this guy. But then a mutual friend let it slip that he was into me and was even gushing to her about me. I thought I might give it a chance; that was the first time in my life I had ever heard from a third party that someone was interested in me. We went out, had some fun, and kissed a little. It ended on a very nice sweet note. He texted me for a few days after but then vanished off the map. I haven't heard a peep from him in two weeks and I can't think of anything I did wrong. I've only texted him once in that time (not to ask why he hadn't responded).

Can someone with some real dating experience tell me...does this happen often? Is disappearing just a thing men do? I'm starting to regret even trying.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Doobage said:


> Some advice, if anyone has any...
> 
> I met this guy a few months ago and we really got along despite having different backgrounds. I thought he was attractive and intelligent but due to my past experiences with men, I told myself to be just friends with this guy. But then a mutual friend let it slip that he was into me and was even gushing to her about me. I thought I might give it a chance; that was the first time in my life I had ever heard from a third party that someone was interested in me. We went out, had some fun, and kissed a little. It ended on a very nice sweet note. He texted me for a few days after but then vanished off the map. I haven't heard a peep from him in two weeks and I can't think of anything I did wrong. I've only texted him once in that time (not to ask why he hadn't responded).
> 
> Can someone with some real dating experience tell me...does this happen often? Is disappearing just a thing men do? I'm starting to regret even trying.


Ask him out somewhere, if he turns you down wait a little while and ask again, if he turns you down again it's probably a lot cause to be honest unless he has a really good reason for doing so.


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Doobage said:


> Some advice, if anyone has any...
> 
> I met this guy a few months ago and we really got along despite having different backgrounds. I thought he was attractive and intelligent but due to my past experiences with men, I told myself to be just friends with this guy. But then a mutual friend let it slip that he was into me and was even gushing to her about me. I thought I might give it a chance; that was the first time in my life I had ever heard from a third party that someone was interested in me. We went out, had some fun, and kissed a little. It ended on a very nice sweet note. He texted me for a few days after but then vanished off the map. I haven't heard a peep from him in two weeks and I can't think of anything I did wrong. I've only texted him once in that time (not to ask why he hadn't responded).
> 
> Can someone with some real dating experience tell me...does this happen often? Is disappearing just a thing men do? I'm starting to regret even trying.


Does he know you are socially anxious? Because it's possible that he might have confused any hesitance or quietness for a lack of interest.

Also, he might not be as confident as it might seem. Trying to read other people's intentions is always futile because people just don't often act purely logically.

Really though, there could be any number of reasons. I don't think there's anything gender-specific about it.

Basically, as PTD said, the only way to know is to ask him yourself. Good luck.


----------



## veron

Doobage said:


> does this happen often? Is disappearing just a thing men do? I'm starting to regret even trying.


This happened to me quite a few times... interest, and then flaking :/ Don't really know what to say, other than try not to get hung up on him, as the situation isn't looking too good.


----------



## Doobage

Thanks 
I'll wait a little while longer for him to respond and then give it one more try. If he doesn't answer I'll give up. It'll be further proof that I wasn't meant to date anyone, nothing new. Though, it sucks that I'll have lost what could have been a possible new friend too. Those don't come by often...


----------



## Doobage

Well we did end up having a little conversation which was very nice.
But I still feel like I should give up. Dating is full of games and secret codes that I never learned how to play or understand, and it seems like honesty is suicidal when trying to find someone.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Doobage said:


> Well we did end up having a little conversation which was very nice.
> But I still feel like I should give up. Dating is full of games and secret codes that I never learned how to play or understand, and it seems like honesty is suicidal when trying to find someone.


Did you invite him out somewhere?

Remember you've already been out on a date? And you kissed, so you don't have to worry about the whole is he interested or not thing, presumably he is (it's not unreasonable for you to assume that, he kissed you) and if he's not anymore than you might as well 'rip off the band-aid' sooner rather than later.


----------



## inane

_I've loved you from the start... In every single way. And more each passing day._


----------



## veron

Alcadaeus said:


> Wow I'm dumb. Every time I read this threads title. I thought it would be about girls trying to brainstorm ways to conceive a baby boy. I never clicked on it until now.


:lol I actually wouldn't mind conceiving a boy... or a girl, for that matter... but there's no thread for this as far as I know


----------



## solasum

Mostly I'm lamenting the lack thereof instead of searching. Seems logical.


----------



## truant

I'm learning how to make sandwiches.


----------



## oscariswild

I wouldn't really know how to start the search, in all honesty. I'm terrible at talking to people to begin with, and I wouldn't even know where to meet people.


----------



## veron

The online dating thing is not going well. As with last time I tried it, the only people I find interesting are tourists who are only spending like a week in my city, so yeah :/

I didn't post my photo up, because I recognized a few people on there, including my work colleague. And oddly enough, he messaged me :O I wasn't sure whether to reply or not, but I did. This could get interesting... hehe (he obviously doesn't know who I am). 

I think a guy at my dance class likes me. We chatted once and ever since then, he's been attending my classes. The thing is, he's in a more advanced class than me, but guys from advanced classes are permitted to attend beginners' classes, because we're constantly in a shortage of men. I call these guys "volunteers." He always smiles at me and jokes when he sees me. Oh, and he "touches" me - like putting his hand on my shoulder when he approaches me. I'm not sure how I feel about him. Sometimes I'm drawn to him, and sometimes not... definitely not as attracted to him as I was to my ex...


----------



## Gojira

Alcadaeus said:


> Wow I'm dumb. Every time I read this threads title. I thought it would be about girls trying to brainstorm ways to conceive a baby boy. I never clicked on it until now.


Hahahahahahaha. Umm, I think the girl, she's supposed to prop herself *** over head with pillows or against the wall/bed after Ze baby making act, right?? To get a girl, you sit Indian style or something?? Lol

Actually, I think this is really a thing, or something like it, haha.


----------



## Mikko

I've been single for some time now since a year and half ago. I don't think I can really pull off what I did to get a boy. It feels different and most of the times I just let it flow.


----------



## veron

veron said:


> I think a guy at my dance class likes me.


To continue this story... yesterday I went to a party and he came as well. He sat down next to me, but we didn't talk much. But then again, the music was too loud for talking anyway. He didn't ask me to dance with him at first, and when he later did, he worded it kind of oddly, lol. And he asked somebody to take a picture of us two. He didn't ask me for my number of anything. I don't know if this guy is just shy or not that interested in me.

And today, while riding the public bus, I think I spotted a guy I'm chatting to on okcupid. I didn't post a pic of me because I recognized some people on that site, so he couldn't have recognized me. And now I am so glad I didn't have a photo up, lol. He was there with his friends; if he recognized me too, it would have been a very awkward situation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: THIS WORLD IS TOO SMALL.

Btw, he looks veeery cute in real life.


----------



## Fangirl96

i leave my house occasionally and try to not look creepy. still no luck, no one ever talks to me since i look like an antisocial funeral.


----------



## seeking777

Well, I've been conversing by pm with a guy on the site for a few weeks. The conversation is pretty much platonic but I'm also thinking about practicing e-flirting to boost my confidence some. I threw a suggestively flirty comment at him in the beginning and he seemed to respond back to it, maybe I'll do it again. Idk, I want friends but also a boyfriend. But I probably need a friend more than a boyfriend. Yeah, but flirting can be harmless right? It doesn't have to always mean anything.


----------



## alienjunkie

Threaten him


----------



## Grog

Circle the block in a white van with a sign that says free lollies With evey free skate board . 
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ( that is a evil laugh btw )


----------



## Mxx1

Sit on my computer everyday hoping that a pontential boyfriend will one day fly in through the window 

But seriously i don't really talk to guys. Some of them frighten me a little so it will probably not happen in a long long time.


----------



## bad baby

**



Mxx1 said:


> Sit on my computer everyday hoping that a pontential boyfriend will one day fly in through the window


----------



## Mxx1

bad baby said:


>


That quote was cute and there probably are some truth there too x)


----------



## inane

Boyfriend left me two weeks ago, and went completely no-contact. He wants nothing to do with me at all.

I still love and miss him, and feel very heartsick. 

I have a first date with someone else tomorrow night. Just a coffee. I feel mildly ill about it because it still feels wrong to date again so soon.


----------



## seeking777

inane said:


> Boyfriend left me two weeks ago, and went completely no-contact. He wants nothing to do with me at all.
> 
> I still love and miss him, and feel very heartsick.
> 
> I have a first date with someone else tomorrow night. Just a coffee. I feel mildly ill about it because it still feels wrong to date again so soon.


If you are not ready to date again then don't. Usually I would never discourage somebody with sa or anyone for that matter from going on a date but in this case you just broke up with your boyfriend recently. If you still have feelings for him then allow yourself the time to process those feelings, heal and then release them. And figure out what you can learn from that relationship and the break up. There is always a lesson or something beneficial we can take from all of our experiences. Although it's just a first date, you can only move on and start seeing other people if you are over your ex and feel ready to really meet someone else. Are you over your ex? Do you feel ready emotionally to date other people?


----------



## inane

seeking777 said:


> If you are not ready to date again then don't. Usually I would never discourage somebody with sa or anyone for that matter from going on a date but in this case you just broke up with your boyfriend recently. If you still have feelings for him then allow yourself the time to process those feelings, heal and then release them. And figure out what you can learn from that relationship and the break up. There is always a lesson or something beneficial we can take from all of our experiences. Although it's just a first date, you can only move on and start seeing other people if you are over your ex and feel ready to really meet someone else. Are you over your ex? Do you feel ready emotionally to date other people?


I'm not looking for a relationship, just meaningless dates and distraction.

I'm still in love with my ex, and it's going to take a hell of a lot longer than 2 weeks to move on from him.


----------



## Crisigv

Not doing much to find one or keep one.


----------



## inane

Went on a mediocre date today. Coffee and a walk- lasted about 1.5 hours. 

He was from France, nine years older, very handsome. Was fairly nice. Didn't seem too interested in me, we didn't touch, didn't kiss.

Texted him a thanks for coming out to meet me. He suggested a second date this Thursday.

100% certain this won't have legs- No connection at all between us. I kept picturing my ex's face on him.


----------



## tea111red

lol, nothing. though, when i went to a store today i tried looking for a female cashier and thought i went to one, but when i did i saw it was a guy w/ a feminine looking haircut so i thought, "oh, crap," but then i just decided to go w/ it and practiced being friendly, lol. i think he responded pretty well. lololol. i wasn't looking for anything. i think the guy must've been 10 yrs younger than me.

i just thought that was kind of amusing. and yeah, i'm pathetic. haha.


----------



## AussiePea

tea111red said:


> lol, nothing. though, when i went to a store today i tried looking for a female cashier and thought i went to one, but when i did i saw it was a guy w/ a feminine looking haircut so i thought, "oh, crap," but then i just decided to go w/ it and practiced being friendly, lol. i think he responded pretty well. lololol. i wasn't looking for anything. i think the guy must've been 10 yrs younger than me.
> 
> i just thought that was kind of amusing. and yeah, i'm pathetic. haha.


Honestly if you just smile once at them, even a smirk, it goes down well. People respond well to people acting positively towards them, it breaks awkwardness slightly and helps people relax.

It's good that you did it though, clearly it made you feel pretty good as well.


----------



## tea111red

AussiePea said:


> Honestly if you just smile once at them, even a smirk, it goes down well. People respond well to people acting positively towards them, it breaks awkwardness slightly and helps people relax.
> 
> It's good that you did it though, clearly it made you feel pretty good as well.


oh, haha. i know the guys will respond well. i've had guys flirt w/ me a lot when going to stores, that's why i try to go to female cashiers, lol. i'm afraid of the guy responding positively. usually, if a guy flirts w/ me i'll avoid him in the future or go to another store, lol. i guess it's the fear of intimacy thing coming through.


----------



## AussiePea

tea111red said:


> oh, haha. i know the guys will respond well. i've had guys flirt w/ me a lot when going to stores, that's why i try to go to female cashiers, lol. i'm afraid of the guy responding positively. usually, if a guy flirts w/ me i'll avoid him in the future or go to another store, lol. i guess it's the fear of intimacy thing coming through.


Ohhh I see, I see. I'm like that when girls show any sign of interest too, I go into "how do I even react right now" mode and make a b-line for the exit.


----------



## tea111red

AussiePea said:


> Ohhh I see, I see. I'm like that when girls show any sign of interest too, I go into "how do I even react right now" mode and make a b-line for the exit.


yeah, i will usually get really uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, will find it hard to keep them under control, and need to get out of the place ASAP. i can barely manage to answer the guy's questions sometimes and am afraid of the anxiety showing (i'm sure it does, though) and being embarrassed.

i feel really embarrassed that i can't even act normal. i'm also embarrassed of having no life and not a lot that i think i can talk about, lol.

but yeah, how to react....that's probably something i need to explore more.


----------



## inane

Have a second date with 32yo dude from France tomorrow- live music and drinks at a bar. Then we're calling it quits. I don't even want to go because there was no connection from either side.

Met up with 30yo Montrealer today on a "buddy" date. I liked this one more but only as a friend.

Casual dating BLOWS. No more men for me for the foreseeable future! :no


----------



## seeking777

Not all that I would like to be doing. Just attempting to practice flirting with guys on sas. None in real life because I'm rarely if ever around any attractive guys. I almost went into shock this morning though. We were driving to go to an appointment and I saw a guy getting his mail. He was tall, at least 6'3", chocolate skinned, he was only wearing basketball shorts and sneakers, I swear to you he was glistening and had an amazing body. I must sound sooo thirsty. But I am clearly lonely because I could not stop myself from staring. He. Was. Beautiful. I cannot believe he lives in my apartment complex. :yay I am going to have to walk all over the place hoping to run into him somehow. OMG.


----------



## noctilune

Diddly squat.


----------



## Gojira

seeking777 said:


> Not all that I would like to be doing. Just attempting to practice flirting with guys on sas. None in real life because I'm rarely if ever around any attractive guys. I almost went into shock this morning though. We were driving to go to an appointment and I saw a guy getting his mail. He was tall, at least 6'3", chocolate skinned, he was only wearing basketball shorts and sneakers, I swear to you he was glistening and had an amazing body. I must sound sooo thirsty. But I am clearly lonely because I could not stop myself from staring. He. Was. Beautiful. I cannot believe he lives in my apartment complex. :yay I am going to have to walk all over the place hoping to run into him somehow. OMG.


This made me lol haha

Good luck!


----------



## inane

Decided to go on the second date with France guy tonight. We're meeting at 9 PM at a bar with live music (beginning 10 PM).

I don't want to, and don't even like him. I'm sure he doesn't like me either. 

But I'm in hell right now. I still love and miss my ex so much. I have no friends or family or absolutely anything here.

Time is supposed to heal, but the pain is soul crushing right now.


----------



## seeking777

Gojira said:


> This made me lol haha
> 
> Good luck!


Thanks. I'll need it. My complex is big. I don't know how I'm going to find him. Maybe he wasn't real, maybe he was just a beautiful mirage caused by me being in a barren desert of loneliness. lol.... Don't mind me. I am laughing at my pain to cope.


----------



## Gojira

seeking777 said:


> Thanks. I'll need it. My complex is big. I don't know how I'm going to find him. Maybe he wasn't real, maybe he was just a beautiful mirage caused by me being in a barren desert of loneliness. lol.... Don't mind me. I am laughing at my pain to cope.


Bahaha, yes, a Denzel mirage. Bahahahaha :clap


----------



## inane

...That was actually a pretty hilarious, awkward, awesome second date.

I'm glad I went.


----------



## inane

So, this is going on longer than I expected. Despite me disclosing to 32yo-France-guy that I was basically using him as a rebound, he still wants to see me again for dinner.

Third date, dinner, tomorrow. 

I think he wanted to kiss me yesterday.

No one is f***ing or kissing me for a good long while... Even if I wanted to as well.

Isn't it absolutely retarded to still feel loyalty to your ex, who abandoned and could not care less for you?


----------



## truant

inane said:


> So, this is going on longer than I expected. Despite me disclosing to 32yo-France-guy that I was basically using him as a rebound, he still wants to see me again for dinner.
> 
> Third date, dinner, tomorrow.
> 
> I think he wanted to kiss me yesterday.
> 
> No one is f***ing or kissing me for a good long while... Even if I wanted to as well.
> 
> Isn't it absolutely retarded to still feel loyalty to your ex, who abandoned and could not care less for you?


So, he knows he's a rebound, but does he know you're not looking for anything serious? Are you both on the same page?


----------



## VictoryOverFear

inane said:


> Isn't it absolutely retarded to still feel loyalty to your ex, who abandoned and could not care less for you?


Sounds normal. I kept ****ing my ex for months after he dumped me :surprise:


----------



## inane

truant said:


> So, he knows he's a rebound, but does he know you're not looking for anything serious? Are you both on the same page?


We just had our third date and we had the "what are you looking for" talk. He said he wants a relationship but is okay with casual dating too. I was honest and said we probably wouldn't have another date after this one because I just was not over my ex yet. I couldn't even kiss him (after three dates!).

I did have a great evening with him though! Had dinner, went back to his place and had some drinks and Netflixed a few episodes of _Daredevil_. Cuddled... He tried to grope and caress me a bit but was respectful, asking if it was okay. It felt good to be held, honestly... I missed the scents the most.

He wasn't the man I love. But as a substitute... It really did feel therapeutic.

He asked me to stay the night but I turned it down... Texted me to let him know once I was home safe, and I thanked him for the good evening.



VictoryOverFear said:


> Sounds normal. I kept ****ing my ex for months after he dumped me :surprise:


I proposed the same thing to my ex- That we should keep seeing each other to f-ck, no strings attached. He turned it down though, as characteristic of him. He's the best guy in the world, just the most amazing person. Was I disappointed I wouldn't get to hold or kiss him anymore? Of course.

But now my memories of the person I loved are pristine. I fell in love with an angel!​


----------



## inane

Man it's easy to catch the feels. We agreed that we shouldn't continue with our dating seeing as it's too soon for me... But I actually want to go back to cuddle with him some more.

No. _*slaps self*_. Back away from the older men!


----------



## veron

inane said:


> Man it's easy to catch the feels. We agreed that we shouldn't continue with our dating seeing as it's too soon for me... But I actually want to go back to cuddle with him some more.
> 
> No. _*slaps self*_. Back away from the older men!


Inane, I'm curious about where do you meet men? I could definitely use someone new in my life... *sigh*

I think your ex not wanting to have a fwb thing is probably for the best, because it's much easier to get over someone when you have no contact with the person.



veron said:


> And today, while riding the public bus, I think I spotted a guy I'm chatting to on okcupid. I didn't post a pic of me because I recognized some people on that site, so he couldn't have recognized me. And now I am so glad I didn't have a photo up, lol. He was there with his friends; if he recognized me too, it would have been a very awkward situation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: THIS WORLD IS TOO SMALL.
> 
> Btw, he looks veeery cute in real life.


Okay, so I decided to send this guy a photo of me. And I never heard from him since. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry, lol. I'm trying to remain optimistic and tell myself that I _am_ attractive, I just wasn't this person's type, I guess.

Now every time I need to take the bus route I saw him on, I'm worried about seeing him again (and him recognizing me too). That would be awkward, haha.


----------



## inane

@*veron*

My ex and I have a really cute how-we-met story, which makes it more hard to get over. We both took the same bus to work in the mornings, and he'd always sit in the same seat... I began to notice that he'd watch me, and once he saw I was watching him back, he began to smile. We continued having this subtle exchange that might seem like nothing... But I just felt _something_.

It was just a temp job for me though so on one of my last shifts, I finally mustered up the courage and went up to him to say hello. Asked his name, made some smalltalk. He was polite but wasn't very responsive so I took it as a sign he wasn't interested. My stop came and I left.

We didn't see each other again for a few months. He still crossed my mind on occasion, but I was busy with other things in life. But one day when I was heading to a new job (at a different time, different route from the old one), and he just happened to have been on the same Metro train as I was! He recognized me right away and the next morning, stepped out from the Metro at my stop and tapped me on the shoulder.

I f***ing *flipped*. I swear my jaw dropped to the ground and I gave him a hug- Keep in mind, he was still just a stranger to me at this point.

He asked me out, and the rest was history. He got better and better the more I got to know him.

But unfortunately, I was never ready to get into a relationship and I had been in a very vulnerable position in life for the past few years and did not want to fall in love (I have no family, friends, any support structure in the city I live in- I'm estranged from most people in my life and knew I had to keep emotionally protected).

After the first couple dates, I actually told him I didn't think I could have a relationship with him. For some context, I had never dated before and my last relationship was seven years prior. He just would not give up though. He persisted and persisted and persisted.

We broke up once, which I initiated. But I just _did not stand a chance with him_- I went and begged and pleaded for him to take me back, which he eventually did. He was never receptive to just being friends... I was either his girlfriend, or a stranger. And I couldn't bear not having him in my life.

But the problems that made us break up in the first place kept coming back up. Over and over, until finally they exploded early this month. It would have been best if I could just have a casual relationship with him as I'm not emotionally stable enough to be in a committed relationship, but like before... He simply would not accept anything less than 100%. No casual relationship, no f*** buddy situation, not even friends. He would not even allow me to see him or hear his voice anymore.

We are now simply strangers.

Life isn't a fairy tale.

I'm still in love with him and the past month had been horrific, but I coped by having made new amazing friends and dating this new guy.

*That's my lesson to you young girls- When it comes to love, you're already six feet down the rabbit hole before you even realize it.*


----------



## crimeclub

VictoryOverFear said:


> Sounds normal. I kept ****ing my ex for months after he dumped me :surprise:


My ex and I kept ****ing a year after we broke up, beat that! When you have SA (leading to rarely dating) and your ex is attractive but has Histrionic personality disorder (leading to lots of horny but uncommitted guys) then the occasion comes up a lot for you two. The worst idea to let yourself back-slide, but when you're both feeling lonely as hell frequently, it's hard not to, and the only reason we stopped was because she found the guy she eventually ended up marrying.


----------



## inane

Other guys I've gotten involved with were through cold approaches on the street, work, or online (both dating sites and not). None, besides the recent one, escalated beyond friendship as I was with my ex monogamously throughout most of it. The city I live in- Montreal- is a very social city. It's extremely ironic I haven't been able to make friends, honestly.

I hope you find what you're looking for 

I'm still too clobbered for anything like that again anytime soon.


----------



## seeking777

@crimeclub For the sake of curiosity I looked that disorder up.

"Histrionic personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of attention seeking behavior and extreme emotionality. Someone with histrionic personality disorder wants to be the center of attention in any group of people, and feel uncomfortable when they are not. People with this disorder may be perceived as being shallow, and may engage in sexually seductive or provocative behavior to draw attention to themselves. Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder may have difficulty achieving emotional intimacy in romantic or sexual relationships. Without being aware of it, they often act out a role (e.g., "victim" or "princess") in their relationships to others. *They may seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation or seductiveness on one level, whereas displaying a marked dependency on them at another level.*"

Goodness creeg!!!! :surprise: Is that why you broke up??? How did you deal with that? Wow.

Sorry to hear that's how your relationship ended @inane.

@veron That is a very positive attitude to have. It's good that you are self-approving and self-validating and not looking to guys for affirmation.


----------



## inane

@seeking777 It's okay. I loved a good person.


----------



## SilentLyric

the bad boy has a girlfriend. end of chapter.

edit: maybe I should make a different thread for dudes that like dudes, this one seems to be intended for girls...


----------



## inane

Accepted a fourth date with this new guy, set for Wednesday evening. I don't know why he keeps asking because I'm a lousy date- I wouldn't even let him kiss me last time because I'm not over my ex yet. Forget going any further (though I'm okay with him groping me a bit lol).


----------



## probably offline

I have traps in my apartment, and a few scattered around the block. Who am I to mess with destiny? Who am I to play god?

bacon


----------



## VictoryOverFear

inane said:


> Accepted a fourth date with this new guy, set for Wednesday evening. I don't know why he keeps asking because I'm a lousy date- I wouldn't even let him kiss me last time because I'm not over my ex yet. Forget going any further (t*hough I'm okay with him groping me a bit lo*l).


I feel the same way, groping is way less intimate and I'd be cool with doing that before kissing, but guys never do until after there's been a makeout. It seems like all guys are following the same playbook.


----------



## inane

VictoryOverFear said:


> I feel the same way, groping is way less intimate and I'd be cool with doing that before kissing, but guys never do until after there's been a makeout. It seems like all guys are following the same playbook.


I think it's just instinctual to kiss someone whose body you're exploring. I don't blame them, but it's something you have to communicate I guess. The guy I'm seeing knows the deal- Not over ex, not going to sleep with him, not even going to kiss. But he's been okay with it enough to keep texting to hang out.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> Other guys I've gotten involved with were through cold approaches on the street, work, or online (both dating sites and not). None, besides the recent one, escalated beyond friendship as I was with my ex monogamously throughout most of it. The city I live in- Montreal- is a very social city. It's extremely ironic I haven't been able to make friends, honestly.
> 
> I hope you find what you're looking for
> 
> I'm still too clobbered for anything like that again anytime soon.


Thanks for the answer. It's nice when you meet someone and it feels like an accident, rather than something arranged (like with online dating). I met my ex accidentally, too.



seeking777 said:


> That is a very positive attitude to have. It's good that you are self-approving and self-validating and not looking to guys for affirmation.


Thank you. I don't have this attitude all the time, but I try my best to remain optimistic, lol.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too... masculine looking? I have pixie short hair, don't wear a lot of makeup, and mostly wear jeans with some top. I know that most men prefer long hair; I wonder how many are put off by my looks alone.


----------



## inane

It's been over three weeks since we broke up and last communicated, and almost a month since we last saw each other. 

I still feel like I can't breathe sometimes to remember he's gone for good. 

I'm really, really sorry. I still love you so much.


----------



## inane

It's been unreal. Be careful not to fall in love. This is the first time in my life to have cried every single day for three weeks straight.

*It's not close to being all because of him.*

But it _did _trigger a slow burning hell. I would have been much better off if we had never began dating.


----------



## crimeclub

seeking777 said:


> @crimeclub For the sake of curiosity I looked that disorder up.
> 
> "Histrionic personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of attention seeking behavior and extreme emotionality. Someone with histrionic personality disorder wants to be the center of attention in any group of people, and feel uncomfortable when they are not. People with this disorder may be perceived as being shallow, and may engage in sexually seductive or provocative behavior to draw attention to themselves. Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder may have difficulty achieving emotional intimacy in romantic or sexual relationships. Without being aware of it, they often act out a role (e.g., "victim" or "princess") in their relationships to others. *They may seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation or seductiveness on one level, whereas displaying a marked dependency on them at another level.*"
> 
> Goodness creeg!!!! :surprise: Is that why you broke up??? How did you deal with that? Wow.


I wouldn't exactly call her a controlling person, but a little manipulative sometimes, whether it was through sexuality or playing up her emotions to get attention from me. But no that's not why we broke up, there were a number of reasons, it was pretty complicated.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> It's been over three weeks since we broke up and last communicated, and almost a month since we last saw each other.
> 
> I still feel like I can't breathe sometimes to remember he's gone for good.
> 
> I'm really, really sorry. I still love you so much.


It's been two and a half months approx for me. It got decent for a little while, but everything has been hellish for the past week-ish. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I know how you feel.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> It's been two and a half months approx for me. It got decent for a little while, but everything has been hellish for the past week-ish. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I know how you feel.


It comes and goes. Sometimes I get moments of lucidity, then it hits me and I bawl. It's a good thing he was the one to leave, because I could never let go of someone I still loved and was passionate for.

The fact that he could at least tells me he doesn't love me anymore (if he ever did), and gives me some peace to move on with.


----------



## millyxox

Nothing. Because I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong types. I'm taking a break from dating to a)get over my first ex & 2) heal from my abusive rebound relationship. I want to be a strong independent woman. Being single sucks sometimes but, it sure is better than arguing 24/7 with your partner.


----------



## inane

Ended things with the new guy today, and decided *no more dating* for me indefinitely. I really need time and space to breathe as my own person again.

I went over to his place today, and he was all over me. Tried to kiss me again, grabbed my ***, pulled my shorts to see my underwear, and put my hand near his erection.

He's a good looking dude for sure. Nothing wrong with what he did.

But I just wasn't over my ex. It all felt wrong. I didn't want to be intimate with anyone not him... It's just too soon.

I left early, told him we wouldn't see each other again. Then cried.

Love is so brutal.


----------



## Out of the Ashes

I'm not doing anything atm. tbh, my bi curious gene was only switched on a few days ago and I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. I tried, but apparently I'm not good enough for people here to talk to anymore.


----------



## TobeyJuarez

veron said:


> Inane, I'm curious about where do you meet men? I could definitely use someone new in my life... *sigh*
> 
> I think your ex not wanting to have a fwb thing is probably for the best, because it's much easier to get over someone when you have no contact with the person.
> 
> Okay, so I decided to send this guy a photo of me. And I never heard from him since. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry, lol. I'm trying to remain optimistic and tell myself that I _am_ attractive, I just wasn't this person's type, I guess.
> 
> Now every time I need to take the bus route I saw him on, I'm worried about seeing him again (and him recognizing me too). That would be awkward, haha.


He could have just moved on from the site, or met someone or something.... With sa we always jump to the conclusion that it's us that's the problem, but that's rarely the case in reality


----------



## veron

^Nope, I saw him online since he stopped talking to me, so it's definitely my looks. Another guy also dropped communication after seeing my photo. This is getting pointless - I really should have a picture up, so that people can see what I look like before messaging me. But as I said, I have a work colleague on there (who also happened to message me!) and I really can't show my face, lol. I think I'll just close it down.


----------



## inane

A man on the bus asked for my number, and I gave it to him. He asked for a date over text but when I asked for his age, he replied, "Does it matter?" Yeah, instant f-ck no. I called it off and wished him luck. To his credit, he didn't put up a fuss and wished me a good day as well. I wonder what his problem was- He looked to be somewhere in his thirties, and I'm 23. I've been told I look my age. It was a very basic question, it's not like I was asking for his income.

The 37-year-old businessman who tried to kiss me when I had a boyfriend also messaged me after two weeks of silence last night. He hasn't given up, it seems- still telling me he has feelings for me, asking how things are going in my love life. *Ladies, this type of man is what you call an "orbiter". He stays in your life only to wait for his chance to swoop in to date you. The attention feels nice at first but do not allow this sh-t, it's disgusting behaviour. *I told him not to contact me anymore. He asked why, and I didn't reply, and will be following my friend's advice to just delete his texts without reading from now on. It sounds harsh but this guy has zero class at all- he tried asking me out on the day of my breakup :no

I'm still very distraught over the breakup over a month ago. I still miss my ex-boyfriend... Not just as my boyfriend, but I just miss _him _in general. I know there will be nothing between us again. But I see something, hear something, or whatever that reminds me of a time we spent together... And I just can't breathe for a moment. I'm still in love with him. I miss his touch, his voice, his smell, his body, his beautiful face. Those big eyes that I couldn't get out of my head since I first saw them.

_*A woman's heart is a complicated place.*_

My love is absurd. But it's there for good.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> I wonder what his problem was- He looked to be somewhere in his thirties, and I'm 23.


He probably knew that he's too old for you and tried to dodge answering that question... 

No updates from me. I learned that I'll probably have to collaborate closely on a project with my crush at work, and I'm dreading it. I've been trying to avoid the guy for the last year or so - we clearly aren't going to be a couple - yet whenever I see him, I still get butterflies in my stomach. I hate it. But I can't get over this when I have to see him every day :/


----------



## inane

I'm still very heartsick over my ex. It's been 38 days since he left and it still feels completely awful. Most of the time I'm filled with love and longing for him, but sometimes I get feels of hatred and resentment over him leaving me... when he has said that he'd be there for me, good or bad. I would never have been able to abandon him.

But whether my emotions towards him are good or bad... in the end, I just miss him.

It doesn't help either that I don't find most men sexually attractive, and most of the ones I do, are already taken or not interested in me. My ex was literally the most beautiful guy I've ever seen. It's going to be a huge f***ing ***** to find someone else who could hold a candle to that.


----------



## WhiteKitty

I basically just kept it real with my huge written convos and talked about non-awkward stuff....and avoided going after guys who didn't have much in common with me, I made sure I scoped out their profiles throughly before making much investments of my time and emotions...and did this on online dating sites of course since I'm shy. There was still a lot of uncertainty and anxiety though, I hated counting how long it took for a text in my head "maybe he's out with some other girl  ", and I'd either get depressed or angry.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> He probably knew that he's too old for you and tried to dodge answering that question...


F-cking hell lol, he saw me sitting on a bench today at the Metro station and sat down beside me. It took me a moment to recognize him. He asked why I cut him off after he wouldn't give his age, saying it wasn't so important to be "friends". He revealed he was 38. Asked again if I would have lunch or dinner with him.

Lol yeah sure, "just friends" :haha I've heard that one before... Not falling for it.


----------



## inane

It shouldn't be this hard to get over someone. 

Why do I still care so much about someone who could not give less of a sh-t about me? 

Love is horrible. It's not true that it's better to have loved and lost. You have no idea how long the pain is going to last, and if it's buried somewhere only to re-emerge and hit you like a train one day.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> F-cking hell lol, he saw me sitting on a bench today at the Metro station and sat down beside me. It took me a moment to recognize him. He asked why I cut him off after he wouldn't give his age, saying it wasn't so important to be "friends". He revealed he was 38. Asked again if I would have lunch or dinner with him.
> 
> Lol yeah sure, "just friends" :haha I've heard that one before... Not falling for it.


Montreal is starting to sound like a small town... bumping into strangers you've seen before, lol. That man is really too old to try picking up young women, especially in the manner that he is. Eww.


----------



## srschirm

veron said:


> Sometimes I wonder if I'm too... masculine looking? I have pixie short hair, don't wear a lot of makeup, and mostly wear jeans with some top. I know that most men prefer long hair; I wonder how many are put off by my looks alone.


I think short hair can be very cute on a woman.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> Montreal is starting to sound like a small town... bumping into strangers you've seen before, lol. That man is really too old to try picking up young women, especially in the manner that he is. Eww.


It actually happens a lot... even the way I met my ex-boyfriend (which I've told here before). Even just today, a lady woke me up on the Metro and it took me a few seconds but I realized we had seen each other *once *last week and she was alerting me to my stop :um I can't believe she remembered me.

Montreal is rather small and closed, in my perspective as an out-of-towner. There isn't a constant stream of newcomers like Vancouver and Toronto has to variate the social dynamic routines, as most people don't want to live in Montreal when they come to Canada.

I actually tend to get hit on mostly by men in their thirties, and 38 is within the ballpark of normal for me. I didn't find him attractive in either appearance or personality though which was the issue, not age. (Not saying I'm attractive, but you can't force yourself to desire someone even if you aren't good-looking). He hasn't called me again yet and hopefully doesn't.


----------



## inane

So, I'm really feeling incredibly lonely these days and think I'm ready to try dating again.

Someone on the site Meetup.com has been sending me private messages, stuff like asking what I'm doing this evening. It's not a dating site so it's possible he's just looking for friendship... But I had a major incident whereby another guy I met the same way was actually looking to meet women to date. So I'm approaching this cautiously, but judging from his vague profile and messages so far, he is someone I'd consider dating.

A new coworker at my new job said "it's good to know you're single" to me when we were chatting after work. I'm not sure how much he was joking, but this one is a complete no-go for me.

*See what my ex-boyfriend has done to me?! *He's ruined all future boyfriends for me- No one I meet could possibly measure up to how gorgeous, kind, and perfect he was :no


----------



## inane

Okay so that Meetup.com guy exchanged numbers with me and we spent the evening texting a bit. He asked me to ice cream, and it turns out he likes hiking so I suggested doing that together as well. He also suggested a movie.

I blabbed on about my ex, but guys don't seem to mind... I suspect because of our ages. Most seem to brush it off as just a learning experience, "oh you're young, you'll find someone else", etc. The last one I dated was 32 and was mostly unfazed by my attachment to my ex-guy. 

Anyways, the one who messaged me today seems pretty harmless. 34 years old, Asian, fairly polite and nice, seems low-key (likes hiking and cooking with his mom), and hasn't had a relationship in 10 years. I'd be down to date him casually, if he's up for it. I'm not having sex with anyone anytime soon and I doubt he would expect it from me, unlike the French guys.


----------



## cuppy

I think it's time I get out there  
Fleshed out my dating profile a bit. Still no photo though...
Taking things slow


----------



## SilkyJay

Nothing, but I'm reading up here, so that I can increase my odds of being gotten.


----------



## zoslow

inane said:


> Okay so that Meetup.com guy exchanged numbers with me and we spent the evening texting a bit. He asked me to ice cream, and it turns out he likes hiking so I suggested doing that together as well. He also suggested a movie.
> 
> I blabbed on about my ex, but guys don't seem to mind... I suspect because of our ages. Most seem to brush it off as just a learning experience, "oh you're young, you'll find someone else", etc. The last one I dated was 32 and was mostly unfazed by my attachment to my ex-guy.


If you are simply friends or in a situation where you aren't really sure what's going to happen like with that Meetup guy, I don't see anything wrong with talking about exes. I mean sure you could end up scaring off some potential dates but that's it.

However I daresay guys do mind if you are dating them while still being very attached to your ex and talking a lot about him. How would you feel if it was the opposite situation? "Oh we're dating and it's going so well and he is supposedly really into me but at the same time he thinks his ex is perfect and miss her and seem incapable of truly letting go of her".

My guess would be a lot of guys feel uncomfortable bringing the subject up. I mean obviously you are entitled to feel the way you do even if it would bother them. And any attempt of bringing it up could easily be brushed off by you as insecurity or jealousy on their behalf. So they probably just hope it will pass with time and do not comment on it.

Not saying this is the case for all men. But I doubt that most men or women are happy with their partner being too attached to their ex or hearing a lot about them. I wouldn't want to date someone that hasn't gotten over their ex. In my opinion based on what you have posted previously about how you feel about your ex, you are nowhere near ready to be dating again.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> I'm still very heartsick over my ex. It's been 38 days since he left and it still feels completely awful. Most of the time I'm filled with love and longing for him, but sometimes I get feels of hatred and resentment over him leaving me... when he has said that he'd be there for me, good or bad. I would never have been able to abandon him.
> 
> But whether my emotions towards him are good or bad... in the end, I just miss him.
> 
> It doesn't help either that I don't find most men sexually attractive, and most of the ones I do, are already taken or not interested in me. My ex was literally the most beautiful guy I've ever seen. It's going to be a huge f***ing ***** to find someone else who could hold a candle to that.


I can totally understand. It's been almost 3 months since she got a bf and everyday has been torture to me. I miss her so damn much. I was friends with her, but requested her to block me because I was going crazy thinking about her.

I feels like my heart has been ripped out and that I'll never find anyone as good as her again.


----------



## knightofdespair

zoslow said:


> However I daresay guys do mind if you are dating them while still being very attached to your ex and talking a lot about him. How would you feel if it was the opposite situation? "Oh we're dating and it's going so well and he is supposedly really into me but at the same time he thinks his ex is perfect and miss her and seem incapable of truly letting go of her".


That is damn hard to stop though if someone was actually a large part of your life for a long time.


----------



## inane

zoslow said:


> If you are simply friends or in a situation where you aren't really sure what's going to happen like with that Meetup guy, I don't see anything wrong with talking about exes. I mean sure you could end up scaring off some potential dates but that's it.
> 
> However I daresay guys do mind if you are dating them while still being very attached to your ex and talking a lot about him. How would you feel if it was the opposite situation? "Oh we're dating and it's going so well and he is supposedly really into me but at the same time he thinks his ex is perfect and miss her and seem incapable of truly letting go of her".
> 
> My guess would be a lot of guys feel uncomfortable bringing the subject up. I mean obviously you are entitled to feel the way you do even if it would bother them. And any attempt of bringing it up could easily be brushed off by you as insecurity or jealousy on their behalf. So they probably just hope it will pass with time and do not comment on it.
> 
> Not saying this is the case for all men. But I doubt that most men or women are happy with their partner being too attached to their ex or hearing a lot about them. I wouldn't want to date someone that hasn't gotten over their ex. In my opinion based on what you have posted previously about how you feel about your ex, you are nowhere near ready to be dating again.


I'm ready to date again, but I always make it clear that they could likely be my rebound. The last guy I dated knew perfectly that I was not over my ex, and still kept asking me out and even invited me on a trip out of town together. I only broke things off because nothing could really happen, I couldn't even _kiss _him by the fourth date... And yet, he was still willing to wait things out.

These are all grown a-s men in their thirties- They've been through the circus before, it's not their first rodeo, etc. If they agree to date me despite all my baggage, then I won't block their agency to do so.

I like cuddling and date nights and sex, so I'm not going to let the memories of someone who no longer gives a sh-t about me to stop it (IF I meet the right guy, I'm okay with being single too). My ex and I are never going to get back together, why hold back if the opportunity arises?



knightofdespair said:


> That is damn hard to stop though if someone was actually a large part of your life for a long time.


And even if your feelings for them were/are very intense. I was (and still am) in love with my ex... There will never be something between us again, but emotions are not easily shut down like an off-button.


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> And even if your feelings for them were/are very intense. I was (and still am) in love with my ex... There will never be something between us again, but emotions are not easily shut down like an off-button.


Exactly.. Mine died.. We had a great valentines, were only engaged for about 6 months and were planning to get married and then out of nowhere she got diagnosed with a brain tumor and dead in a year and a half. For years and year she was my only real purpose, my only critical part of life that everything else kind of orbited around. Now what... I don't mind dating I guess but its kind of shallow for people to think you're just going to forget someone that was so vital and central to your world for half your life.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> And even if your feelings for them were/are very intense. I was (and still am) in love with my ex... There will never be something between us again, but emotions are not easily shut down like an off-button.


People don't understand this. Your dating status changes overnight, but the feelings, they stay there for a long long time.



knightofdespair said:


> Exactly.. Mine died.. We had a great valentines, were only engaged for about 6 months and were planning to get married and then out of nowhere she got diagnosed with a brain tumor and dead in a year and a half. For years and year she was my only real purpose, my only critical part of life that everything else kind of orbited around. Now what... I don't mind dating I guess but its kind of shallow for people to think you're just going to forget someone that was so vital and central to your world for half your life.


Holy **** that makes me really sad. I'm so sorry man.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> People don't understand this. Your dating status changes overnight, but the feelings, they stay there for a long long time.


Exactly. There are certainly people who are over their ex as soon as the relationship is done- I was that way with one of my ex-boyfriends even though we had a longer relationship, because I didn't love him.

I loved this one. It's going to take a f-ck ton of time, and any reasonable person would understand. The guy I dated a few weeks after my breakup actually went through a breakup of his own, and I was totally okay with it.

The thing about love and feelings is that it's very multifaceted, and* has no rules*.

I'll just say, it felt nice to have an attractive older French guy do sweet things like brush my hair back with his hand again. And to have someone to cuddle me. Even when both our hearts were with other people.


----------



## zoslow

knightofdespair said:


> That is damn hard to stop though if someone was actually a large part of your life for a long time.


Absolutely it is. Deeper emotions doesn't go away over night, a week, a month or even longer than that. What I'm saying is that if one is still so attached to a person that they feel a need to talk a lot about them with their new partner/person they are dating, or in other ways show that they are missing that person, then maybe it would be a better idea to hold off for a while with the dating until one is over the worst part of it.

There's nothing wrong with still having some sort of emotions for a person. I think that's unavoidable, especially if you spent many years together with them. They may even linger on for the rest of your life. But these are the types of things one would be better of keeping to themselves or if one has to, talk about with friends or family. I wouldn't wanna talk about lost loves with a new girlfriend or in any other way make her feel like she's not the one person that matters to me. And that's what I expect back. I would never put up with feeling like some sort of reserve or replacement.

Now I think your situation is a bit special considering you lost your girlfriend (which I am deeply sorry to hear). I can understand your point of view as well.



inane said:


> I'm ready to date again, but I always make it clear that they could likely be my rebound. The last guy I dated knew perfectly that I was not over my ex, and still kept asking me out and even invited me on a trip out of town together. I only broke things off because nothing could really happen, I couldn't even _kiss _him by the fourth date... And yet, he was still willing to wait things out.
> 
> These are all grown a-s men in their thirties- They've been through the circus before, it's not their first rodeo, etc. If they agree to date me despite all my baggage, then I won't block their agency to do so.
> 
> I like cuddling and date nights and sex, so I'm not going to let the memories of someone who no longer gives a sh-t about me to stop it (IF I meet the right guy, I'm okay with being single too). My ex and I are never going to get back together, why hold back if the opportunity arises?
> 
> And even if your feelings for them were/are very intense. I was (and still am) in love with my ex... There will never be something between us again, but emotions are not easily shut down like an off-button.


Yeah if you are completely open with that, that's another thing. I can see why you would want to put yourself out there again. Personally however I believe it is better to be alone for a while and give yourself time to think things over. Usually when people quickly jump back in they tend to end up in another bad relationship and on it goes. That's my experience but I'm not saying it is necessarily accurate. You and I just have different perspectives on it.

About your ex: The thing is, you might know that you two won't be together again. But the guy won't know that. I'm always suspicious if a woman still harbours more intense feelings towards an ex because sometimes they do end up getting back together with them. Then again seeing as you are open with the whole rebound thing, this isn't really relevant.


----------



## inane

zoslow said:


> Yeah if you are completely open with that, that's another thing. I can see why you would want to put yourself out there again. Personally however I believe it is better to be alone for a while and give yourself time to think things over. Usually when people quickly jump back in they tend to end up in another bad relationship and on it goes. That's my experience but I'm not saying it is necessarily accurate. You and I just have different perspectives on it.
> 
> About your ex: The thing is, you might know that you two won't be together again. But the guy won't know that. I'm always suspicious if a woman still harbours more intense feelings towards an ex because sometimes they do end up getting back together with them. Then again seeing as you are open with the whole rebound thing, this isn't really relevant.


I'm 100% okay with being single. *I consider dating casually to be staying single though* (having dates with people here and there, with no monogamy or commitment).

You're still young so having that perspective is understandable. The guys I tend to see are in their thirties, and like I said, they've been through the circus before. It doesn't seem to faze them.

It's understood that everyone has a past.


----------



## inane

I think I should start taking off my headset when I'm out in public. I was at the mall today and a guy stopped me in the aisle and said something with a small smile, but I couldn't make out what he said. I got nervous and kept walking, looked back, and he was still watching me with a smile.

He could have very well been talking about how everything was too expensive there, but if I had engaged, could it have led to me getting a new number and a cute date?

I'm not attracted to 90% of the men who come onto me, but I thought this one was attractive.


----------



## Doobage

Not doing anything anymore. After the last guy, who I thought would be the first one in my life to actually like me back, decided we should just be friends after only one real date...it's finally time for me to accept that "love" doesn't happen for everyone. Certainly not for me.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

Going to his house this weekend. Fourth date. we may become official..


----------



## Genos

senpai noticed me but I'll probably **** it up
sigh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Invisiblehandicap said:


> Going to his house this weekend. Fourth date. we may become official..





Touka said:


> senpai noticed me but I'll probably **** it up
> sigh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cool! How'd you meet your guys?


----------



## Ignopius

knightofdespair said:


> Exactly.. Mine died.. We had a great valentines, were only engaged for about 6 months and were planning to get married and then out of nowhere she got diagnosed with a brain tumor and dead in a year and a half. For years and year she was my only real purpose, my only critical part of life that everything else kind of orbited around. Now what... I don't mind dating I guess but its kind of shallow for people to think you're just going to forget someone that was so vital and central to your world for half your life.


:'( awwwww I love you knight. I'm so sorry.


----------



## Genos

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Cool! How'd you meet your guys?


in a psych ward after we both attempted suicide
romantic


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Cool! How'd you meet your guys?


Hi squirely from POF


----------



## probably offline

I sing him songs about poop. I think it's working. For now.


----------



## zoslow

inane said:


> I'm 100% okay with being single. *I consider dating casually to be staying single though* (having dates with people here and there, with no monogamy or commitment).
> 
> You're still young so having that perspective is understandable. The guys I tend to see are in their thirties, and like I said, they've been through the circus before. It doesn't seem to faze them.
> 
> It's understood that everyone has a past.


I don't really think it's related to age, it's just different ways of looking at things. I've been through the circus too and it hasn't changed how I see things. People that are into dating casually, being in an open relationship or anything like that probably don't care as much. Whereas if one is into monogamy and looking for a committed relationship it can be more of an issue.

The past will inevitably affect us to some degree in the here and now but if someone clings on to it or drags it up often, it's no longer a past.


----------



## knightofdespair

probably offline said:


> I sing him songs about poop. I think it's working. For now.


Hawt

Do you sing the Mr. Hankey song?


----------



## inane

zoslow said:


> I don't really think it's related to age, it's just different ways of looking at things. I've been through the circus too and it hasn't changed how I see things. People that are into dating casually, being in an open relationship or anything like that probably don't care as much. Whereas if one is into monogamy and looking for a committed relationship it can be more of an issue.
> 
> The past will inevitably affect us to some degree in the here and now but if someone clings on to it or drags it up often, it's no longer a past.


All good points.


----------



## Fey

I helped a really cute guy at work a few hours ago \(^∀^)/ and he asked if he could add me on Facebook but he still hasn't added me on Facebook yet... Maybe he forgot how to spell my name but he could maybe find us through mutual friends. I could always add him first but I don't want to come off as too forward. The wait continues.


----------



## Fey

NVM HE FRIEND REQUESTED ME!!!










Play it cool.


----------



## indiscipline

knightofdespair said:


> Hawt
> 
> Do you sing the Mr. Hankey song?


She's an original artist~


----------



## knightofdespair

indiscipline said:


> She's an original artist~


Hopefully it avoids the brown note.


----------



## radiation

calichick said:


> 1) look good
> 2) dress nice
> 3) work out
> 4) go out alone a lot


I don't openly look for men or relationships. 
But I take care of my appearance, such as the above.
Also, I try to be myself.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

We are official now


----------



## seeking777

I've been talking to a guy I met online for a little over a week. He asked me out on a date this Friday and I said yes but now I'm thinking it's too soon. I want to get to know him more and get more comfortable before we meet up. I'm thinking of telling him that but haven't decided if I will yet.


----------



## Gojira

seeking777 said:


> I've been talking to a guy I met online for a little over a week. He asked me out on a date this Friday and I said yes but now I'm thinking it's too soon. I want to get to know him more and get more comfortable before we meet up. I'm thinking of telling him that but haven't decided if I will yet.


Oooo yay, I was going to PM you on how this turned out! 

I think as long as you meet someplace public and safe, you should take a chance.

Buuuuuut, if you think you'd be more comfortable getting to know him better and talking more, that's fine too.

Either way, good luck. Keep us posted


----------



## inane

The 32-year-old Parisian I had a few dates with last month texted me out of the blue after five weeks of radio silence, when we decided to stop seeing each other because I wasn't over my ex-boyfriend.

I slept on it for a bit, then decided that I really could use some cuddle therapy and company.

Texted back in the morning... Hopefully will see him this weekend.


----------



## inane

So me and Parisian guy texted back and forth a bit this evening, and we're going to have dinner on Saturday. 

I'm heading up to Ottawa on Sunday and he offered to accompany me (he would be driving), but I had already purchased my bus tickets and they aren't refundable  I suggested going to Quebec City together another time.


----------



## seeking777

Gojira said:


> Oooo yay, I was going to PM you on how this turned out!
> 
> I think as long as you meet someplace public and safe, you should take a chance.
> 
> Buuuuuut, if you think you'd be more comfortable getting to know him better and talking more, that's fine too.
> 
> Either way, good luck. Keep us posted


Thanks. I've decided to go ahead with it and we are definitely meeting in a public place. We're meeting at a restaurant in the mall. I'm making sure my people know where I am too. Gotta be safe.


----------



## gunner21

Invisiblehandicap said:


> We are official now


Must be nice.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

gunner21 said:


> Must be nice.


Yes very nice


----------



## inane

I miss the way he touched me. Whether in public or alone together, he was constantly caressing, stroking, and kissing me. It felt so good.

Anyways, I reconnected with New Guy over dinner and Netflix on Saturday, and we spent the day in Ottawa together (nation's capital, two-hour drive from Montreal). Went to an art gallery and toured parliament. He's not my boyfriend though, just some guy I'm seeing, and the dynamics were strange. He would occasionally come hold my waist from behind, or run his hand down my thigh, but it felt weird to even hold his hand. I felt the urge to picture my ex in his place instead, and kiss his neck, stroke his arm, hold him. 

It's terribly pathetic and sad. I feel lost for myself.

He invited me into his place when we got back at night, but I declined. He texted again today. I'm not sure if I should go see him again.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> I miss the way he touched me. Whether in public or alone together, he was constantly caressing, stroking, and kissing me. It felt so good.
> 
> Anyways, I reconnected with New Guy over dinner and Netflix on Saturday, and we spent the day in Ottawa together (nation's capital, two-hour drive from Montreal). Went to an art gallery and toured parliament. He's not my boyfriend though, just some guy I'm seeing, and the dynamics were strange. He would occasionally come hold my waist from behind, or run his hand down my thigh, but it felt weird to even hold his hand. I felt the urge to picture my ex in his place instead, and kiss his neck, stroke his arm, hold him.
> 
> It's terribly pathetic and sad. I feel lost for myself.
> 
> He invited me into his place when we got back at night, but I declined. He texted again today. I'm not sure if I should go see him again.


I don't think you should. If you have to, make it very clear to him that you're still in love with your ex and he's purely a rebound.


----------



## crimeclub

probably offline said:


> I sing him songs about poop. I think it's working. For now.


So my heart is on the verge of breaking, are you dating a guy right now? I'm now jealous of songs about poopie and diarrhea. :cry


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> I don't think you should. If you have to, make it very clear to him that you're still in love with your ex and he's purely a rebound.


I've been extremely upfront since the beginning. It's clear to both of us it's a strictly casual relationship.

As well, I'm not really his type. We don't really like each other but there is some physical desire, which is why I suspect we're still seeing each other past a third date.


----------



## probably offline

crimeclub said:


> So my heart is on the verge of breaking, are you dating a guy right now? I'm now jealous of songs about poopie and diarrhea. :cry


:< I have a *very* special poop, and the poop likes me back, but there are no strict labels. For now.


----------



## inane

New Guy had been texting me more than usual today to hang out... I said no, but suggested another day and he agreed. I'll probably see him again on Saturday.

Loneliness and attraction make people do funny things lol. I know we don't like each other, but he's hot and cuddling feels good.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> New Guy had been texting me more than usual today to hang out... I said no, but suggested another day and he agreed. I'll probably see him again on Saturday.
> 
> Loneliness and attraction make people do funny things lol. I know we don't like each other, but he's hot and cuddling feels good.


That is one of the things I miss the most - the cuddling and the intimacy. I haven't been intimate with anyone for over 10 months now, and dating for a shy guy is too damn hard for me to do anything about it.


----------



## inane

Running two and a half months dry now, folks
I don't even remember the last time I had sex. I texted New Guy to ask if he had been tested after his last partner and he hasn't. I'm not sure if he would be willing to go through the trouble for what's a short-term, casual relationship. Damn.


----------



## inane

Went back to New Guy's place on Friday evening, and watched _Daredevil_ on his couch while cuddling... Only, he dove into my pants almost straight away. Just used his fingers, and I wouldn't go further because neither of us were tested.

To my surprise, he suggested we could both get tested together :blank


----------



## theloneleopard

Not much. I'm quickly tiring of navigating a land mine of insecurities, nastiness, and control issues. Independence seems incredibly appealing right now!


----------



## Freiheit

Nothing. Done with that ****.


----------



## inane

Had a decent evening with my casual guy last night. After two and a half months of seeing each other occasionally, we finally kissed on the mouth. 

It's not going to go anywhere, but damn he is hot.


----------



## Depo

Nothing, after years of dating I've realized it's pretty useless. I used to be a raging alcoholic in my last relationship (I wasn't violent or aggresive though.) and I don't want to go back to that. I've noticed that having a guy doesn't solve any of my personal issues. Sometimes I just wanted someone to cuddle with at night, but they always wanted me to pet them as if they were dogs (I had a requirement of one petting hour every night according to one of my exes, and if I got tired he'd get angry.) It got boring after a while. 

Then there's the kind of bf who only calls you whenever he wants sex, but when you're having a mental breakdown or feeling lonely they are nowhere to be found. Then there are men that treat you like a f***ing maid, and if something gets dirty, they get mad at you. So everything has to be in order: clothes must be clean, dinner must ready, kitchen has to be immaculate, bathrooms must be clean and shining. And that's not a problem, but when I have a full-time job I expect a little help.

Then there are guys that when you buy those shoes you've wanted for a very long time, with your own money, all hell breaks loose. "How could you spend money on useless things you don't need when we're struggling financially (a completelie), you can' waste all your money because we need it, etc etc etc." 

I just wish I met a guy who just backed the f*** off. Someone whom I could rely on. Someone who's not glued to twitter or facebook. Someone who doesn't have 1000 girl followers on social media cause I get kinda jealous. Maybe I'm too demanding, but those little things drive me over the edge. And right now that I'm single I'm at peace, lonely, but free.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Guys I find attractive would never like me back, and most guys have never found me attractive in real life. Only in pictures that look nothing like me online lol.


----------



## blue2

Persephone The Dread said:


> Guys I find attractive would never like me back, and most guys have never found me attractive in real life.


And these guys told you this ..?....meh who am I to judge I think the exact same way I never think anyone would like me low self esteem is bad I guess but as a totally inexperienced weirdo man from the internet I can say your fine ....never will ye receive a finer compliment ...:lol


----------



## Charmeleon

Persephone The Dread said:


> Only in pictures that look nothing like me online lol.


If the hot girl in your pictures isn't you then who the hell is that!



blue2 said:


> I can say your fine ....never will ye receive a finer compliment ...:lol


lol


----------



## xxDark Horse

Pretending to be a gril in Runescape and asking for free stuff from guys.


----------



## Charmeleon

xxDark Horse said:


> Pretending to be a gril in Runescape and asking for free stuff from guys.


Any success?


----------



## inane

I had sex two weekends in a row! With the same guy I had been seeing occasionally since July- we finally crossed the line a couple weeks ago.

He then asked me to be his girlfriend, even though we both know that wouldn't work out.


----------



## cinnamonqueen

I am not doing anything to get a boy. What woman wants a boy? Maybe that's where the problem lies, men referring to women as girls and women being okay with that. And those same women looking for a "boy" who refers to them as girls.

Wholly unattractive.


----------



## xxDark Horse

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Any success?


Yes my rs bf gave me 5m coins then I broke up with him

Haha sucker...


----------



## xxDark Horse

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Any success?


Yes I made a Runescape video on how to get a bf.


----------



## inane

This thread is really dead. Come on ladies, it's the holidays. It's s a time to be frisky







Mistletoes, cuddling and hot chocolate, etc.

Just kidding. I'm sad, alone, and single too 

Me and a casual boyfriend decided (for the fifth time) to stop seeing each other a few weeks ago and have been mostly no-contact since. But we started texting a little last night, and he asked me this morning to come to the dance class he attends tonight. I've been dying of heartache lately and feel tempted to go.

He is sexy as hell and a fantastic distraction for me. Our last date, he told me to take off my jacket while we were on the road- "Let me see" (my short dress and tights). For some reason, a boyfriend telling me to take my clothes off makes me feel hot and bothered lol. He took my hand and pressed it to his erection, and said "This is what you do to me." OMG. I wished we could be a couple just so I could snog that guy all the time. Ehehe. But we're broken up now. :sigh


----------



## MobiusX

how do you girls feel that less guys are wanting to be with a girl since now technology is so advanced they have a product called a fleshlight, guys like me don't even need a girlfriend, I don't even talk to girls in real life, it's a combination of lack of interest and social skills (SA) and the fact I don't want to have a girlfriend, that's where the fleshlight comes in handy or my hand, yoga has become more popular with males throughout these years, this means females aren't needed as much for oral sex since the guys can now use the skills of flexibility learned in yoga classes to give themselves oral


----------



## MobiusX




----------



## inane

All the power to ya!

Personally there's something about the small moans and sighs from your partner, the quivers, their soft warm skin, tight muscles, his facial and body hair- no toy would ever replace. And that look they give you, eyes full of animalistic desire? And then being cuddled and held afterwards, and conversation.

And when it's someone you really love, or care about, it's one of the most life-affirming things in the world.


----------



## veron

I haven't been posting here because there's nothing for me to update :lol

The online dating thing isn't going well. Everybody but me on there is looking for casual hookups, nothing serious. I don't get why... The "nice" ones who don't ask for sex upfront seem to be content with exchanging messages forever, never asking me out on a date. So far, I've been asked on 0 dates from the online dating thing.

Offline, no guy has shown interest in me recently. I'm invisible.


----------



## Joe

message random guys on sas


----------



## Jesuszilla

veron said:


> I haven't been posting here because there's nothing for me to update :lol
> 
> The online dating thing isn't going well. Everybody but me on there is looking for casual hookups, nothing serious. I don't get why... The "nice" ones who don't ask for sex upfront seem to be content with exchanging messages forever, never asking me out on a date. So far, I've been asked on 0 dates from the online dating thing.
> 
> Offline, no guy has shown interest in me recently. I'm invisible.


They are probably rookies at the online dating game. Thinking that you have to establish a rapport with a girl before asking you out.

Or they're shy/nervous/insecure and struggle asking girls out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> I haven't been posting here because there's nothing for me to update :lol
> 
> The online dating thing isn't going well. Everybody but me on there is looking for casual hookups, nothing serious. I don't get why... The "nice" ones who don't ask for sex upfront seem to be content with exchanging messages forever, never asking me out on a date. So far, I've been asked on 0 dates from the online dating thing.
> 
> Offline, no guy has shown interest in me recently. I'm invisible.


Why don't you ask them then?


----------



## inane

Despite being the one to break up with casual boyfriend, the winter months and holiday loneliness are getting to me. 

We had been mostly no-contact, but he suggested I join his dance class on Friday... and I decided to do it, bringing with me a classmate from school. I had a lot of fun and danced with my ex-lover towards the end. I missed his body and conversation.

I texted him the next day to watch a Christmas movie with me sometime before we both fly home for Christmas (him to France, me to the Canadian west coast). He said he'd love to, anytime I wanted... I can't believe how patient he is with me. I've tried breaking things off five times now. I bought a gift to give him.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> Why don't you ask them then?


I'm not a take-charge person when it comes to relationships. I prefer the guy to do the initiating, at least initially.


----------



## Buttered Toast

Praying


----------



## Elleire

Oh y'know... Low-cut top, making intense eye contact with every semi-attractive guy on the train, offering bacon and free tax services.

Nothing is working. Halp.


----------



## veron

My dating life has endured an episode that's probably been a common event in the 50's... my parents tried to set me up with a guy, lol. It was actually the husband of a relative of mine who, after meeting me, told me he was going to find me a man (this guy is old). 

Anyhow, he kept true to his word. He found a young man whom he thought would be a good fit for me. His initial idea was to invite this guy and my family over for tea. My parents thought that that would be too awkward, and suggested that we both receive each other's photos instead, and take it from there. I heard that he asked for my phone number when he saw my photo, lol. When I saw his photo, I didn't think he was that good looking, but I thought oh what the hell, if he has the guts to call me, I'll give him a chance. So I agreed for them to give him my phone number. They did, and...... he never called.

Online, I've been talking to some guy who really piqued my interest, but his replies are short now. Like 5-6 words. I'm getting tired of how this conversation is dragging on. It doesn't seem worth the hassle :/


----------



## visualkeirockstar

veron said:


> I'm not a take-charge person when it comes to relationships. I prefer the guy to do the initiating, at least initially.


Now I know why you're still single.


----------



## veron

Why?


----------



## Eckhrath

Not initiating with the guy isn't really a reason. So not sure what he meant. Women hardly ever take charge and ask a guy out... As long as you're approachable and not giving the impression you're uninterested that's all you should have to do. 

Also there could be 100000 reasons for someone not calling you after saying they wanted your number, or seeming to lose interest. Best thing you can do is just not even try to come up with an explanation as it is a waste of energy. 

That 1950s style setup honestly sounds perfect. If he keeps finding "potential suitors" for you chances are good one might eventually work out. If a guy told me there's a shy girl that is looking for a date and gave me her number I would feel pretty lucky. Most guys would jump at that


----------



## veron

Eckhrath said:


> Also there could be 100000 reasons for someone not calling you after saying they wanted your number, or seeming to lose interest. Best thing you can do is just not even try to come up with an explanation as it is a waste of energy.


Yeah, I know. I wasn't very interested in him anyways, so it's no big deal.



Eckhrath said:


> That 1950s style setup honestly sounds perfect.


Hahaha! You're the only one who seems to think so 

My dad actually called me today to suggest that I obtain the guy's phone number so that _I_ could call him. I said no, and I jokingly suggested that the older guy finds me another "suitor."



Eckhrath said:


> If a guy told me there's a shy girl that is looking for a date and gave me her number I would feel pretty lucky. Most guys would jump at that


Hah, I'd give you my number, but it seems like we live on opposite ends of the world, so, yeah...


----------



## Eckhrath

It's great for at least 2 reasons. First it saves you a lot of work and frustration. Free date or spend hours of awkwardness on plentyoffish? Second, if it goes badly you can just blame the old guy that set you up. You did nothing but show up to this fiasco that old guy set up and somehow thought was a good idea. Who doesn't love a nice scapegoat on a first date??

Also you have to wait for me to ask for your number before you can say no!


----------



## inane

Nothing I guess.

I'm still seeing the casual guy. We spent a couple evenings this week having Netflix and Chill sessions at his place. I'm on birth control and he recently got tested negative for STDs, so we've been toying with the idea of going without condoms. I like him, but there are things in bed I wouldn't do with a guy unless he were a serious boyfriend- condomless sex being one of them. He gave me a Christmas gift the other night, and for some reason, I instinctively threw it into a donation bin outside his apartment on my way home.

Meanwhile, I still haven't been able to throw out two ticket stubs from places I went with my ex-boyfriend to. Crumpled, damaged by water, but glancing at them brings back a rush of emotion I cannot understand... even after half a year since things painfully, hurtfully, ended.

The heart is such a complicated place.

There's a guy in my classes who is closer to my age (the aforementioned are 9 and 10 years older than me, respectively)- while this one is only a year older. We don't really interact but I felt a kind of pull towards him that, if we could start dating, I would want something serious. He tapped me on the shoulder the other day to pass me a note, and I felt over the moon. It was only to let me know that a friend of mine had asked him about me. I feel like a 10-year-old to feel excited about a cute guy passing me a note. (I'm 23).

The turn of the year feels very lonely, and hopeless.


----------



## veron

Eckhrath said:


> Also you have to wait for me to ask for your number before you can say no!


Oh, I didn't mean to say "no." That offer was my own initiative 



inane said:


> The turn of the year feels very lonely, and hopeless.


But why? That last paragraph you wrote certainly sounds hopeful. I too would get excited if a cute guy passed me a note, haha.


----------



## inane

@veron I'm not 17. It's not like he asked me out- it was just to inform me that an old friend of mine had asked him about me. At my age, unless an actual move is made (from either me or the guy), it means nothing.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Nothing I guess.
> 
> I'm still seeing the casual guy. We spent a couple evenings this week having Netflix and Chill sessions at his place. I'm on birth control and he recently got tested negative for STDs, so we've been toying with the idea of going without condoms. I like him, but there are things in bed I wouldn't do with a guy unless he were a serious boyfriend- condomless sex being one of them. He gave me a Christmas gift the other night, and for some reason, I instinctively threw it into a donation bin outside his apartment on my way home.
> 
> Meanwhile, I still haven't been able to throw out two ticket stubs from places I went with my ex-boyfriend to. Crumpled, damaged by water, but glancing at them brings back a rush of emotion I cannot understand... even after half a year since things painfully, hurtfully, ended.
> 
> The heart is such a complicated place.
> 
> There's a guy in my classes who is closer to my age (the aforementioned are 9 and 10 years older than me, respectively)- while this one is only a year older. We don't really interact but I felt a kind of pull towards him that, if we could start dating, I would want something serious. He tapped me on the shoulder the other day to pass me a note, and I felt over the moon. It was only to let me know that a friend of mine had asked him about me. I feel like a 10-year-old to feel excited about a cute guy passing me a note. (I'm 23).
> 
> The turn of the year feels very lonely, and hopeless.


Hopeless? why? Seems like you get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.


----------



## inane

@*gunner21* Don't know where you get that impression. I've been single for the past 6 months, with no prospects for a relationship in sight. And this is while I'm in my supposed "prime" for a female.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> @*gunner21* Don't know where you get that impression. I've been single for the past 6 months, with no prospects for a relationship in sight. And this is while I'm in my supposed "prime" for a female.


You've been on dates no? And you do have the offer from this current guy for something serious. (plus the constant intimacy)

All I've had to show for in the past 12 months is one single date. (which was meh). Idk I guess I'm comparing you to myself.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> You've been on dates no? And you do have the offer from this current guy for something serious. (plus the constant intimacy)
> 
> All I've had to show for in the past 12 months is one single date. (which was meh). Idk I guess I'm comparing you to myself.


No, I've only been seeing this casual guy since my major breakup in July.

I've had one single coffee date otherwise. I don't enjoy dating a lot of people, I find it very energy-consuming... I rather stick with one person who I really like.

Trust me, men are not exactly beating down my door to date me.


----------



## Findedeux

I would think the bacon would do it....

>



Elleire said:


> Oh y'know... Low-cut top, making intense eye contact with every semi-attractive guy on the train, offering bacon and free tax services.
> 
> Nothing is working. Halp.


----------



## inane

Just set up a date with someone from OKCupid for Saturday.

I decided not to do online dating anymore as I feel it's tacky and contrived, but this one kept asking and seems like good company for a weekend evening. Another guy in his thirties, but an Anglo instead of a Frenchie for once.

Right now I'm also battling with whether I should try asking out my classmate (the one who passed me a note). He's absolutely gorgeous though, and way out of my league... But then again, most of the guys I've dated have been 100 times more attractive and desirable than I am. So struggling with the thought. The semester is over but he'll be in my classes next term, and I have his email from a group project together.


----------



## rdrr

inane said:


> Trust me, men are not exactly beating down my door to date me.





inane said:


> Just set up a date with someone from OKCupid for Saturday.
> 
> I decided not to do online dating anymore as I feel it's tacky and contrived, but this one *kept asking* and seems like good company for a weekend evening.


LOL should he really trust you? JK have fun on the date.


----------



## inane

@*rdrr* Online hardly counts. And for a woman in her early twenties, I only get maybe 1-2 messages per day- compared to dozens and dozens that other women in my demographic get.

But thank-you! He looks like one with some soul, and would make for an interesting conversation.


----------



## rdrr

inane said:


> @*rdrr* Online hardly counts. And for a woman in her early twenties, I only get maybe 1-2 messages per day- compared to dozens and dozens that other women in my demographic get.
> 
> But thank-you! He looks like one with some soul, and would make for an interesting conversation.


Unfortunately, it does count, for a lot of men that have no other means of meeting women.

The number of messages you get whether its 1-2 a day or dozens a day, still there is someone "approaching". So yes, take this as a way to have some good company and soul-enriching conversation, that who knows, eventually may lead to something that can be posted in the 18+ thread.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> @*rdrr* Online hardly counts. And for a woman in her early twenties, I only get maybe 1-2 messages per day- compared to dozens and dozens that other women in my demographic get.
> 
> But thank-you! He looks like one with some soul, and would make for an interesting conversation.


You get 1-2 per day?! I'd be lucky to get one a week.


----------



## inane

Guys, I'm an early-20s woman. The fact that I send messages that go unanswered, and that so few men message me, cannot be compared to the amount of messages you men get. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm *comparatively not desirable like other women*, despite whatever impression you're getting of me from my posts.
---

Anyways, I had a nice conversation with my casual guy over text tonight. We usually don't talk unless it's to book a time to meet up, so it was a pleasant surprise he texted just to ask what I've been up to. What's cool is that he's nine years older and is in a senior position in the field I'm currently studying in... I had a failed job interview yesterday morning, and I was telling him about it (he understood all the terminology and everything right away, which is one of the quirks that I like about our dynamic), and he was very comforting.

The job was actually made for someone like _him- _The company needed someone to rework their global procurement system, and that was definitely not suited for a junior employee (there wasn't a mentoring system in place, they wanted someone to head the purchasing department from the get-go). Me and Casual Boyfriend talked about it at length, and he assured me that it's okay it didn't work out, and at this point I should focus on my schooling and put off the job search for now.

Our conversation tonight was actually a lot more tender than they usually are. It's moments like these that fool me into thinking he could be my boyfriend :/ We've scheduled Sunday for more Netflix binging, and he was telling me not to "cheat, don't watch any episodes beforehand", "be honest, did you?", all that lovey coupley cooing stuff.

I'll miss this guy when he gets a girlfriend. He makes me feel less lonely. Smart as hell too, and definitely an interesting character.


----------



## veron

If you like him, and he likes you (which sounds obvious from what you've written), why _not_ be a couple? Girl, you are needlessly complicating things, lol.


----------



## binckie

inane said:


> Guys, I'm an early-20s woman. The fact that I send messages that go unanswered, and that so few men message me, cannot be compared to the amount of messages you men get. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm *comparatively not desirable like other women*, despite whatever impression you're getting of me from my posts.
> ---
> 
> Anyways, I had a nice conversation with my casual guy over text tonight. We usually don't talk unless it's to book a time to meet up, so it was a pleasant surprise he texted just to ask what I've been up to. What's cool is that he's nine years older and is in a senior position in the field I'm currently studying in... I had a failed job interview yesterday morning, and I was telling him about it (he understood all the terminology and everything right away, which is one of the quirks that I like about our dynamic), and he was very comforting.
> 
> The job was actually made for someone like _him- _The company needed someone to rework their global procurement system, and that was definitely not suited for a junior employee (there wasn't a mentoring system in place, they wanted someone to head the purchasing department from the get-go). Me and Casual Boyfriend talked about it at length, and he assured me that it's okay it didn't work out, and at this point I should focus on my schooling and put off the job search for now.
> 
> Our conversation tonight was actually a lot more tender than they usually are. It's moments like these that fool me into thinking he could be my boyfriend :/ We've scheduled Sunday for more Netflix binging, and he was telling me not to "cheat, don't watch any episodes beforehand", "be honest, did you?", all that lovey coupley cooing stuff.
> 
> I'll miss this guy when he gets a girlfriend. He makes me feel less lonely. Smart as hell too, and definitely an interesting character.


yeah...

just make a move... 
I mean, you like him a lot, so...


----------



## inane

@*binckie* We don't love each other and don't have any potential to. I know SAS likes drama but go make your own, lol.

@*veron* Girl, jumping into a relationship without considering the implications lost me someone very, very important in my life. I try to learn from my mistakes, not let them repeat.


----------



## Ignopius

inane said:


> Guys, I'm an early-20s woman. The fact that I send messages that go unanswered, and that so few men message me, cannot be compared to the amount of messages you men get. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm *comparatively not desirable like other women*, despite whatever impression you're getting of me from my posts.


:haha

1st World Problems. You can't get a 100% response rate.

You know there are men on here who have never even been on a date? Or have sent HUNDREDS of women messages with no replies. Don't even try to make a false equivalency. You have female privilege when it comes to dating.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Ignopius said:


> :haha
> 
> 1st World Problems. You can't get a 100% response rate.
> 
> You know there are men on here who have never even been on a date? Or have sent HUNDREDS of women messages with no replies. Don't even try to make a false equivalency. You have female privilege when it comes to dating.


Who the **** cares. :roll She's single and unhappy with it, and feels down about her lack of current prospects. That's. ****ing. all. Drop this gender bull****, there was never a need to compare problems in this thread, you know you're just going to get banned again.


----------



## inane

@Wings of Amnesty Thanks for that. Admittedly I'm not being too gracious either.


----------



## gunner21

Ignopius said:


> :haha
> 
> 1st World Problems. You can't get a 100% response rate.
> 
> You know there are men on here who have never even been on a date? Or have sent HUNDREDS of women messages with no replies. Don't even try to make a false equivalency. You have female privilege when it comes to dating.


You bet your *** you and me both would do the same if we were in her shoes.


----------



## inane

I'm not quite sure I understand what you guys are talking about.

I don't jump to make casual guy my boyfriend because it takes a *lot *to make a serious relationship work, and we don't have it between us. If things go wrong once you're invested, the fallout can be crushing. It's not a matter of being picky at ALL. This guy is way out of my league (like the last one was as well). I went into a relationship I shouldn't have and ended up spending the last six months in complete misery and depression, and hurt a really good person.

As for online dating, I'm not going to apologize for anything. Young women typically do receive more messages than men at any age. Call it female privilege or whatever- it is what it is. I expect to receive less as I age, just another thing to accept.


----------



## binckie

inane said:


> @*binckie* We don't love each other and don't have any potential to. I know SAS likes drama but go make your own, lol.
> 
> @*veron* Girl, jumping into a relationship without considering the implications lost me someone very, very important in my life. I try to learn from my mistakes, not let them repeat.


Then I do not get your post. Whats the point there? Just ranting and thats is?


----------



## inane

@*binckie* lol. What's the point _any _of you post here? You aren't even into guys (unless you are, which is fine).

Yes, this is an expository of my (dead) love life. Not all relationships are traditional boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.


----------



## binckie

inane said:


> @*binckie* lol. What's the point _any _of you post here? You aren't even into guys (unless you are, which is fine).
> 
> Yes, this is an expository of my (dead) love life. Not all relationships are traditional boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.


True lol
I am not into boys haha.

Of course not all relationships are like that, but based on your post it seemed you did want that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @*binckie* lol. What's the point _any _of you post here? You aren't even into guys (unless you are, which is fine).
> 
> Yes, this is an expository of my (dead) love life. Not all relationships are traditional boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.


Hey you don't have to like guys to just post here. I would love for more female input in the What are you doing to get the girl thread.


----------



## inane

binckie said:


> True lol
> I am not into boys haha.
> 
> Of course not all relationships are like that, but based on your post it seemed you did want that.


Yes, and *in its pursuit*, I get caught in other things. I'm not going to boyfriend the first guy who's willing to be my SO unless I'm absolutely sure and 100% committed- it's not fair to him, and not fair to me. THAT is the mistake I made with my last boyfriend when I could have just waited till I was ready, and he'd still be in my life.

I take care of myself fine while single, and have never relied on a boyfriend for anything more than companionship and sex.



Jesuszilla said:


> Hey you don't have to like guys to just post here. I would love for more female input in the What are you doing to get the girl thread.


I know that, and the input is more than welcome. I was trying to make the point to @*binckie* that my posts were at least more relevant than your guys', if he was going to ask me why I was posting here.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> @*veron* Girl, jumping into a relationship without considering the implications lost me someone very, very important in my life. I try to learn from my mistakes, not let them repeat.


Sure, you should consider compatibility with someone before jumping into a relationship. But you've known this guy for months now, right? I don't know the details of why your last relationship failed, but the impression I got was that it was something you've intentionally done to make him want to leave.

If you feel the need for a partner and are unable to commit, maybe you should analyze why, and perhaps even seek out professional help. I mean this in the friendliest way possible.

----

The guy I've been talking to online... I've checked our chat history, and apparently we've exchanged 260 messages so far. He has yet to ask me on a date. Apparently one of the many guys online who will just happily chat away into infinity, lol.

I don't know what this guy wants, or where this will lead. He mentioned early on that he wants to take a long break from dating. But then it doesn't make sense that he singed up for a dating site. I thought that maybe he just got out of a long relationship; he said he hasn't been in any long relationships. He's dated women before, has an active social life, so I'm guessing he's not painfully shy. And if he doesn't find me attractive, why is he talking to me? This is just odd.


----------



## binckie

inane said:


> I take care of myself fine while single, and have never relied on a boyfriend for anything more than companionship and sex.


Just being curious: anything more than companionship and sex? What is there to have more than that when you have a boyfriend?
Love? Because that is all I can think of if you already have companionship (I read this to be also friendship) and sex.


----------



## binckie

veron said:


> The guy I've been talking to online... I've checked our chat history, and apparently we've exchanged 260 messages so far. *He has yet to ask me on a date.* Apparently one of the many guys online who will just happily chat away into infinity, lol.
> 
> I don't know what this guy wants, or where this will lead. He mentioned early on that he wants to take a long break from dating. But then it doesn't make sense that he singed up for a dating site. I thought that maybe he just got out of a long relationship; he said he hasn't been in any long relationships. He's dated women before, has an active social life, so I'm guessing he's not painfully shy. And if he doesn't find me attractive, why is he talking to me? This is just odd.


Ok, this is something I do not get: why does it always have to be the boy?

I hear this all the time from girls: he has to ask me or it is not going to happen! (even if the girls themselves also like the boy, sometimes even more).
Why can a girl not ask the guy? Or just be less subtle and just ask very openly: well, you want to go on a date with me? Or you want to ask me out ? (after you notice he has some interest and with a smiley  behind it or something to make it less "serious).


----------



## VanDamme

binckie said:


> Ok, this is something I do not get: why does it always have to be the boy?
> 
> I hear this all the time from girls: he has to ask me or it is not going to happen! (even if the girls themselves also like the boy, sometimes even more).
> Why can a girl not ask the guy? Or just be less subtle and just ask very openly: well, you want to go on a date with me? Or you want to ask me out ? (after you notice he has some interest and with a smiley  behind it or something to make it less "serious).





binckie said:


> Ok, this is something I do not get: why does it always have to be the boy?
> 
> I hear this all the time from girls: he has to ask me or it is not going to happen! (even if the girls themselves also like the boy, sometimes even more).
> Why can a girl not ask the guy? Or just be less subtle and just ask very openly: well, you want to go on a date with me? Or you want to ask me out ? (after you notice he has some interest and with a smiley  behind it or something to make it less "serious).


Because women can observe a lot of things. When a man asks, it shows that he can take initiative. If the man appears confident that show he's got ba!!s and not (too) concerned about rejection. If a "boy" can't handle a simple task like asking a girl for a date, then how's he going to handle life's real challenges? 

Actually, I've heard plenty of times where women did iniate - where they didn't want to miss out on a good relationship. Most of those women were the assertive types though.


----------



## binckie

VanDamme said:


> *Because women can observe a lot of things*. *When a man asks, it shows that he can take initiative. If the man appears confident that show he's got ba!!s and not (too) concerned about rejection*. If a "boy" can't handle a simple task like asking a girl for a date, then how's he going to handle life's real challenges?
> 
> *Actually, I've heard plenty of times where women did iniate* - where they didn't want to miss out on a good relationship. Most of those women were the assertive types though.


1) many women think to observe a lot of things!
Not all of them and face it: women can not read minds! 
Besides if they were able to observe things they should be better in giving hints (better in judging the situation). Most of their so called hints are no hints at all and make things complicated.

2) I have confidence enough, good academical status, make money, known to be outspoken, can deal with real life challenges and yet when it comes to girls I suck...
One thing has nothing to do with the other by definition.
Being shy does not imply you have problems with life challenges.

3) this happens yes, but its rare.

On a side note: I hear women often complain about that a certain guy they like did not ask them out or did not take the initiative and that because of that the girl/boy missed a great chance for a relationship.
I am sorry, but you are with 2! So the both of you can make a move or at least give a clear hint!

Women need to understand that men can not read minds!
(neither can women, they often think they can, but are wrong as much as guys are wrong).


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> Sure, you should consider compatibility with someone before jumping into a relationship. But you've known this guy for months now, right? I don't know the details of why your last relationship failed, but the impression I got was that it was something you've intentionally done to make him want to leave.
> 
> If you feel the need for a partner and are unable to commit, maybe you should analyze why, and perhaps even seek out professional help. I mean this in the friendliest way possible.
> 
> ----
> 
> The guy I've been talking to online... I've checked our chat history, and apparently we've exchanged 260 messages so far. He has yet to ask me on a date. Apparently one of the many guys online who will just happily chat away into infinity, lol.
> 
> I don't know what this guy wants, or where this will lead. He mentioned early on that he wants to take a long break from dating. But then it doesn't make sense that he singed up for a dating site. I thought that maybe he just got out of a long relationship; he said he hasn't been in any long relationships. He's dated women before, has an active social life, so I'm guessing he's not painfully shy. And if he doesn't find me attractive, why is he talking to me? This is just odd.


Casually ask him if he wants to meet. Problem solved.


----------



## inane

binckie said:


> Just being curious: anything more than companionship and sex? What is there to have more than that when you have a boyfriend?
> Love? Because that is all I can think of if you already have companionship (I read this to be also friendship) and sex.


Any kind of practical help would be nice. I'm in my early twenties and date guys in their thirties, so I expect them to be more "guiding" in the relationship. I came to my city alone and had never been on my own before, and didn't know how to do a lot of things. Other girls' boyfriends help them move when they change apartments, help with handiwork, etc. My lovers have all been totally useless in that regard lol.

I enjoyed their bodies and conversation though  And they made fantastic eye candy.


----------



## binckie

inane said:


> Any kind of practical help would be nice. I'm in my early twenties and date guys in their thirties, so I expect them to be more "guiding" in the relationship. I came to my city alone and had never been on my own before, and didn't know how to do a lot of things. Other girls' boyfriends help them move when they change apartments, help with handiwork, etc. My lovers have all been totally useless in that regard lol.
> 
> I enjoyed their bodies and conversation though  And they made fantastic eye candy.


okay...
weird..
It is not normal to help your girlfriend (or boyfriend , it goes with ways) with those things?
To be honest: this is something I even concider "friendship". I help friends as well with stuff like that. I mean: this is just being friendly and willing to help.


----------



## veron

binckie said:


> Ok, this is something I do not get: why does it always have to be the boy?


Every time I've taken the initiative, it didn't work out. The guy would maybe go on one or two dates with me, and then blow me off. From my experience, when a guy is interested, he lets you know.

On the other hand, his age and the fact that he hasn't had a long-term relationship might indicate that he's naturally clueless when it comes to obtaining women.

I guess I'll continue talking to him and see where it goes... or not... :/


----------



## binckie

veron said:


> Every time I've taken the initiative, it didn't work out. The guy would maybe go on one or two dates with me, and then blow me off. From my experience, when a guy is interested, he lets you know.
> 
> On the other hand, his age and the fact that he hasn't had a long-term relationship might indicate that he's naturally clueless when it comes to obtaining women.
> 
> I guess I'll continue talking to him and see where it goes... or not... :/


Ok, but what kind if initiative did you take?

ANd maybe it was just bad luck with them!

BTW: "_when a guy is interested, he lets you know_." There are some guys out there who pretty much pee their pants just thinking to do this....
I mean, for some its already hard to just smile or talk to a girl (even when they are interested).

As a girl you have one massive advantage: you can stear it in the right direction with (not so subtle) hints.


----------



## speranzalov

Absolutely nothing.. I just can't. I don't know why.


----------



## pplnt

nothing


----------



## inane

binckie said:


> okay...
> weird..
> It is not normal to help your girlfriend (or boyfriend , it goes with ways) with those things?
> To be honest: this is something I even concider "friendship". I help friends as well with stuff like that. I mean: this is just being friendly and willing to help.


Meh either way I'm quite used to being on my own, so it wasn't a huge deal. (For context: I live alone in my city with zero family and only one friend). It just would have been nice if my stress could have been reduced, because it's generally sky-high.

I wasn't a stellar girlfriend either, doing traditional things like cooking or baking stuff for my ex-lovers. Fair's fair. You get what you put in.


----------



## inane

I told Casual Boyfriend about my date tomorrow night, with the intentions of staying transparent. He never tells me about his other dates or love interests unless I ask, which I think is inconsiderate to me. He didn't want to hear much about it until after the date.

It sucks for me but with both of us looking for serious relationships, this is likely going to end between us early next year.

Oh please let tomorrow's guy like me, and be a good one. I prefer French or Russian guys but this one is British... Seems like a solid character though, nothing weird or douchey.


----------



## alienjunkie

nothing, boys are awful and should be avoided at all costs


----------



## tea111red

still trying to improve my appearance. although, i guess i'm failing at that...


----------



## inane

Cancelled both dates this weekend.

For the online first date, I just didn't feel up to spending a few hours with someone I wasn't sure I even liked. That's the downfall with online dating I think- the person isn't "real" until you meet them. It's essentially a blind date. And this sounds ridiculous but he was English, which I'm not that attracted to... For some reason French men (and sometimes Russian) have really done it for me... :sus

As for casual boyfriend, I had some studying to do despite wanting badly to cuddle. I sexted him a little last night, and he commented that I have a "delicate way of saying things" LOL. We'll probably hang out later this week before we both fly out back to our hometowns for the holidays.

:sigh

I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm over my ex, and then something will remind me of him and I'll burst into tears. I still haven't been able to throw away my last few physical reminders of him, two worn down ticket stubs from some dates we went on. I miss how good it all felt. I still don't fully understand what happened, why I did what I did... when I was so in love with him. Did I _know _I was in love with him?

I've let go of him now. But life hasn't felt as good since. Praying that time will continue to take its course.

Distracting myself with casual boyfriend's body in the meantime... until he finds a girlfriend and I need to scram and find a new squeeze to medicate myself.


----------



## Roberto

lisbeth said:


> I don't trust that any guy coming on to me is after anything other than sex, _especially _if they bring it up to say otherwise. If a guy says something like "I'm not just after a shag yknow" it's like, yepppp.


i can just imagine Jimmy Stewart saying, "i'm not just out to 4uk you , you know....." and me being like thanks so much, i appreciate that.


----------



## Jesuszilla

@lisbeth that's exactly why I'm so scared to bring up sex with women...which I feel is a bit of a conundrum because I think women strongly prefer men to be the initistor most of the time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inane

I'd like to start a family by my late twenties, and I'm not even remotely close to having my life together for it. What kind of _freak _doesn't have a single family member or friend in her life? That's before I even get down to the rest of my baggage. The only thing I have going for me is that after a year of wavering on a career path change (which is an entire horrible story on its own), I finally decided on a new field with a high ceiling. I've had like 10 interviews in the past two months and came close to some dream positions, but no job offers... But I already figured I'd need another year of education before I could get to that point. :sigh

I've felt very insecure with boyfriends in my life because they've all got themselves together, while I'm still a mess. The one I'm currently seeing works a senior position (coincidentally in the field I'm trying to enter), owns a beautiful condo, car, and has an extensive social network. My ex-boyfriend also had a strong family and friend network, his life together, things figured out. Meanwhile I'm still in school at almost 24 years old, looking for a job, live alone in a tiny studio apartment, and still learning to drive AND struggling to learn the language they're already all fluent in (French). I just can't believe any guy would take me seriously until I'm as put-together as they are.

God, I'm a hot *mess*. I'm about six years behind where I should be in life.

Just knowing a girl has absolutely no one in the city is already enough to make someone run for the hills, forget everything else.

This was just a rant.

As for what I'm doing to get a guy, it's making halfa-sed attempts to better myself and my life. And by the time I make any strides I'll be 30, which according to my casual boyfriend, is "past your prime" in terms of attractiveness. :sigh


----------



## veron

inane said:


> I'd like to start a family by my late twenties, and I'm not even remotely close to having my life together for it.


I feel the same way, and I already am in my late 20's :/

---

I've put up a photo on my online dating profile and have started receiving a lot more views and messages than before. I still can't bear to put my face up, so it's just my body, haha.

Oddly enough, most views I get are from men in outside countries. I don't know whether it's because online dating is unpopular in my country or what... also, I don't get why they're checking out my profile, when there's no possibility of meeting. I myself only look at local guys.

The one I was previously talking to, (with whom I have a 260 msg history), I dropped. I realized that I was the only one who ever initiated our conversations, and I got tired of it. Since I've stopped messaging him, he hasn't contacted me.

I haven't come across any other interesting guys, and I'm not talking to anyone on there currently.


----------



## inane

He's leaving for France on Friday for the holidays, so we've planned tomorrow evening for a last Netflix and Chill session. I'm not sure how I feel about things. Thinking about my ex (whom I haven't spoken to since early July) still hurts like a knife in my heart.

My heart and mind hurts. I would have been better off if we (me and ex) never started dating at all. I don't regret having met him but that relationship knocked me out in a time when I'm very fragile in life.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> He's leaving for France on Friday for the holidays, so we've planned tomorrow evening for a last Netflix and Chill session. I'm not sure how I feel about things. Thinking about my ex (whom I haven't spoken to since early July) still hurts like a knife in my heart.
> 
> My heart and mind hurts. I would have been better off if we (me and ex) never started dating at all. I don't regret having met him but that relationship knocked me out in a time when I'm very fragile in life.


Does Netflix and chill session mean sex? Because until recently...like a few days ago, I thought it literally meant to watch Netflix and chill


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> Does Netflix and chill session mean sex? Because until recently...like a few days ago, I thought it literally meant to watch Netflix and chill


In this context, yes I mean Netflix and sex. But mostly cuddles and kisses.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> In this context, yes I mean Netflix and sex. But mostly cuddles and kisses.


Well that explains a number of my rejections :lol

Anyway hope you have a good time


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> Well that explains a number of my rejections :lol
> 
> Anyway hope you have a good time


Thanks, I'm not sure about things I guess. This guy is incredibly elitist- which he's entitled to given all his success. He's a Ph.D candidate, has a very good job, etc... Meanwhile I don't even have an undergrad degree. He laughed because my ex wasn't at the same career point he was at (they're about the same age), which was seriously an a-shole thing to do. And said he'd never date a woman who didn't have an education, or had a job he felt was inferior like a hairdresser, etc.

He's also criticized his ex-girlfriends for not being good in bed, (ironically) caring too much about money, having an apartment that was in too noisy a location, being chubby, etc.

Which is what made me say "no" when he suggested we be a couple. Like honestly, you're not going to be ashamed of me? :roll I had a feeling he was cool with me as a casual date, but if I became his girlfriend, he would start picking me apart and then dump me.

His social circle is the same way. He has friends, apparently, who would look down their nose at you if you weren't an engineer. Imagine the "meeting the friends and family" scenario here :afr

...Sorry that became a tangent. I'm texting with him right now and he's so keenly intelligent and perceptive that he scares me at times. And I don't know why he's continuing to see me despite having pretty much every single one of his dealbreakers.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> Thanks, I'm not sure about things I guess. This guy is incredibly elitist- which he's entitled to given all his success. He's a Ph.D candidate, has a very good job, etc... Meanwhile I don't even have an undergrad degree. He laughed because my ex wasn't at the same career point he was at (they're about the same age), which was seriously an a-shole thing to do. And said he'd never date a woman who didn't have an education, or had a job he felt was inferior like a hairdresser, etc.
> 
> He's also criticized his ex-girlfriends for not being good in bed, (ironically) caring too much about money, having an apartment that was in too noisy a location, being chubby, etc.
> 
> Which is what made me say "no" when he suggested we be a couple. Like honestly, you're not going to be ashamed of me? :roll I had a feeling he was cool with me as a casual date, but if I became his girlfriend, he would start picking me apart and then dump me.
> 
> His social circle is the same way. He has friends, apparently, who would look down their nose at you if you weren't an engineer. Imagine the "meeting the friends and family" scenario here :afr
> 
> ...Sorry that became a tangent. I'm texting with him right now and he's so keenly intelligent and perceptive that he scares me at times. And I don't know why he's continuing to see me despite having pretty much every single one of his dealbreakers.


He sounds kinda...awful. Um, I'm gonna flip the script and ask what do you see in him?

Other than his good job you have nothing good to say about him. Maybe I'm missing the good you see in him. No wonder it was casual. For your sake I think it's best to keep it that way if he's going to tear you down for not being on his level or some bulls*** like that.

With that said, I always found it hard to help you girls because I don't know what you like or don't like and it's easier to help a guys because I can relate. I don't want to put things in your head that may not be true, but going off this info given he kinda sucks.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> He sounds kinda...awful. Um, I'm gonna flip the script and ask what do you see in him?
> 
> Other than his good job you have nothing good to say about him. Maybe I'm missing the good you see in him. No wonder it was casual. For your sake I think it's best to keep it that way if he's going to tear you down for not being on his level or some bulls*** like that.
> 
> With that said, I always found it hard to help you girls because I don't know what you like or don't like and it's easier to help a guys because I can relate. I don't want to put things in your head that may not be true, but going off this info given he kinda sucks.


This was really sympathetic and kind of you to say to me. Thanks. Male advice and perspective is very welcome and helpful.

He's alright. The thing is, everyone has their good and bad sides and the demarcation that determines whether they're a crummy person is very rarely clear.

I'm not proud to admit, but I'm very physically attracted to him- which has been what's kept me going back. We didn't even do anything sexual until 3-4 months of seeing each other, so it's not like it was all the relationship was based on (we also went on roadtrips, went to get drinks, not just Netflix and Chill lol). But yeah, someone who can get you feeling hot and bothered, is someone who is hard to cut out.

He's also very intelligent, in many different ways. He's engaging to talk to, and he has interests in such a vast range of things... Just a very interesting conversation in general. Hilarious as well, and just a multifaceted personality that keeps you going back.

He's an a-shole though, yeah. But we're not all perfect ourselves.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> This was really sympathetic and kind of you to say to me. Thanks. Male advice and perspective is very welcome and helpful.
> 
> He's alright. The thing is, everyone has their good and bad sides and the demarcation that determines whether they're a crummy person is very rarely clear.
> 
> I'm not proud to admit, but I'm very physically attracted to him- which has been what's kept me going back. We didn't even do anything sexual until 3-4 months of seeing each other, so it's not like it was all the relationship was based on (we also went on roadtrips, went to get drinks, not just Netflix and Chill lol). But yeah, someone who can get you feeling hot and bothered, is someone who is hard to cut out.
> 
> He's also very intelligent, in many different ways. He's engaging to talk to, and he has interests in such a vast range of things... Just a very interesting conversation in general. Hilarious as well, and just a multifaceted personality that keeps you going back.
> 
> He's an a-shole though, yeah. But we're not all perfect ourselves.


No shame in being attracted to him. Attraction is usually what makes up even go after more deeper relationships. I was just going off everything you said in your last post which painted a very bad picture of him.

No one is perfect, but be all have people we connect with better than others. So he's a decent guy, intelligent, good looking great. But unless you want to change, I think the fact he'll probably tear you down for being on his level will ultimately be much more damaging than good. So watch out for that.

All I'm saying is while he gets you hot and bothered, great to talk to and makes you laugh don't ignore the red flags. I've been more than guilty of doing that too, so no judgment here just trying to help.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> No shame in being attracted to him. Attraction is usually what makes up even go after more deeper relationships. I was just going off everything you said in your last post which painted a very bad picture of him.
> 
> No one is perfect, but be all have people we connect with better than others. So he's a decent guy, intelligent, good looking great. But unless you want to change, I think the fact he'll probably tear you down for being on his level will ultimately be much more damaging than good. So watch out for that.
> 
> All I'm saying is while he gets you hot and bothered, great to talk to and makes you laugh don't ignore the red flags. I've been more than guilty of doing that too, so no judgment here just trying to help.


I haven't ignored the red flags. @*veron* commented in a previous post that I'm making things complicated, but I'm not passive when it comes to dating- I was the one to approach my ex-boyfriend, I'm often the one to initiate sex in relationships, I will ask people out if I'm interested. If I haven't tried to make progress with a guy despite the opportunity to, there's good reason why- and it's the reasons presented here.

He hasn't broken me down or anything. The only thing he's made fun of me for is being alone in the city (I've mentioned this but I have no family or friends within a 6 hour drive of where I currently live). He hasn't tried to make me feel bad about my lack of education compared to him, or anything else really... not to my face, anyways. Strangely he's actually pretty encouraging- I've been going on a lot of job interviews lately and I share the experiences with him, and he's usually pretty gentle.

...Then he admits he would cheat on an SO given the right circumstances, and he's done it before. I'm not sure how much I can judge though since I've had an emotional affair myself (his was physical). But it's not something I would ever do again.

People are complicated, eh. Show me a good side, then show me a bad one.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> I haven't ignored the red flags. @veron commented in a previous post that I'm making things complicated, but I'm not passive when it comes to dating- I was the one to approach my ex-boyfriend, I'm often the one to initiate sex in relationships, I will ask people out if I'm interested. If I haven't tried to make progress with a guy despite the opportunity to, there's good reason why- and it's the reasons presented here.
> 
> He hasn't broken me down or anything. The only thing he's made fun of me for is being alone in the city (I've mentioned this but I have no family or friends within a 6 hour drive of where I currently live). He hasn't tried to make me feel bad about my lack of education compared to him, or anything else really... not to my face, anyways. Strangely he's actually pretty encouraging- I've been going on a lot of job interviews lately and I share the experiences with him, and he's usually pretty gentle.
> 
> ...Then he admits he would cheat on an SO given the right circumstances (and he's done it before). I'm not sure how much I can judge though since I've had an emotional affair myself. But it's not something I would ever do again.
> 
> People are complicated, eh. Show me a good side, then show me a bad one.


You're ahead of the game then lol Very self aware and all that major props for that. I like realistic people (even if I'm not always that way)


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> You're ahead of the game then lol Very self aware and all that major props for that. I like realistic people (even if I'm not always that way)


I've appreciated your comments. You're understanding, level-headed, and seem grounded in reality too.

I'm not ahead of the game- perhaps for someone with social anxiety, but for "normal" people, they went through all this already at like 18 years old. My best friend is my age and she cheated on her ex-boyfriend back in high school, learned her difficult life lessons early, and will soon be marrying her fiance of 5 years. I'm only learning and experiencing this stuff in my early twenties.

I never, _ever _in my life thought I would be unfaithful- but that's life experience. One step in front of another and the next thing you know, you just cheated and lost the guy you loved more than anything. (I never did anything physical and was always completely honest with my ex whenever I was with the other guy, and even asked for my ex's approval of the friendship... But somehow the emotional affair still happened). I didn't even like the other guy so I have no idea what I was thinking at the time; he wanted a relationship with me after my ex left, but I couldn't even stand the thought of him afterwards.

Now I understand boundaries with male company a lot better, and could hopefully be more respectful to my next boyfriend. If I ever have one again. lol


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> I've appreciated your comments. You're understanding, level-headed, and seem grounded in reality too.
> 
> I'm not ahead of the game- perhaps for someone with social anxiety, but for "normal" people, they went through all this already at like 18 years old. My best friend is my age and she cheated on her ex-boyfriend back in high school, learned her difficult life lessons early, and will soon be marrying her fiance of 5 years. I'm only learning and experiencing this stuff in my early twenties.


Thanks for the kind words. Fair enough, I know I'm way behind in this dating stuff too. You're not nearly as behind as you think. Early twenties? I think that is much more "normal" than you realize.



> I never, _ever _in my life thought I would be unfaithful- but that's life experience. One step in front of another and the next thing you know, you just cheated and lost the guy you loved more than anything. (I never did anything physical and was always completely honest with my ex whenever I was with the other guy, and even asked for my ex's approval of the friendship... But somehow the emotional affair still happened). I didn't even like the other guy so I have no idea what I was thinking at the time; he wanted a relationship with me after my ex left, but I couldn't even stand the thought of him afterwards.
> 
> Now I understand boundaries with male company a lot better, and could hopefully be more respectful to my next boyfriend. If I ever have one again. lol


In short you lived and learned and you're better for it. That's great it what we all should do when mistakes happen.

The pain of losing someone is awful, I didn't cheat and I still couldn't keep my ex around lol but I'm over it now. Not gonna live in the past and any issues I brought the table I know what to look out for next time around.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> In short you lived and learned and you're better for it. That's great it what we all should do when mistakes happen.
> 
> The pain of losing someone is awful, I didn't cheat and I still couldn't keep my ex around lol but I'm over it now. Not gonna live in the past and any issues I brought the table I know what to look out for next time around.


The difference for me is that I don't like most people. It wouldn't be hard for me to find a date or a relationship, but I'm not attracted to or interested in the majority of people I meet either romantically or as friends. If I dropped all my reservations I'd probably be less alone, but at my age, I just don't have the patience to f-ck around with people who don't matter to me.

This guy though. He was different. I knew he was different the moment I saw him. I'm still struggling to reconcile everything that happened. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship and had requested we take it easy and just be friends several times (again, jumping into a relationship carelessly can cause irrevocable damage- something I learned that I'm applying now). He wouldn't agree to friendship though for whatever reason, and thus the trainwreck happened.

Anyways this conversation was all really good catharsis for me. Lol thanks man. I needed an outlet.

And the end of the day, all that remains is that I'm lonely, single, and unloved :lol :cry And it'll likely be several years at least before I might find someone who can set my heart on fire in the same way again.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> The difference for me is that I don't like most people. It wouldn't be hard for me to find a date or a relationship, but I'm not attracted to or interested in the majority of people I meet either romantically or as friends. If I dropped all my reservations I'd probably be less alone, but at my age, I just don't have the patience to f-ck around with people who don't matter to me.


For some reason I like you 10x more now :rofl Completely understand you on not having patience for people's bs



> This guy though. He was different. I knew he was different the moment I saw him. I'm still struggling to reconcile everything that happened. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship and had requested we take it easy and just be friends several times (again, jumping into a relationship carelessly can cause irrevocable damage- something I learned that I'm applying now). He wouldn't agree to friendship though for whatever reason, and thus the trainwreck happened.


I kinda understand his side. I don't try to be friends with women I'm into either. His reasons are probably way different from mine, but I couldn't be just friends. Taking things slow are fine because I'd think it would lead somewhere. Whatever the case is, I still hope you guys get whatever it is you want out of him (by that I mean a relationship, friendship, casual idk I think I reached the point I'm babbling on haha)



> Anyways this conversation was all really good catharsis for me. Lol thanks man. I needed an outlet.
> 
> And the end of the day, all that remains is that I'm lonely, single, and unloved :lol :cry


Any time. I am actually don't mind being lonely. Christmas and New Year's coming up and I'm so pumped for the fact I'll be home alone then.


----------



## inane

I hate being alone and lonely! It's just that bad company is worse. I spent last Christmas and New Year's Eve alone and it sucked balls.

I dropped $900 to take a flight back home to spend it with my family this year.

It's not necessarily all BS from other people either. A lot of people are genuine, but sometimes if you don't click, you just don't click. I would _hope_ others would respect me enough to be my friend only if they truly like me, and not because they're desperate or something.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> I hate being alone and lonely! It's just that bad company is worse. I spent last Christmas and New Year's Eve alone and it sucked balls.
> 
> I dropped $900 to take a flight back home to spend it with my family this year.
> 
> It's not necessarily all BS from other people either. A lot of people are genuine, but sometimes if you don't click, you just don't click. I would _hope_ others would respect me enough to be my friend only if they truly like me, and not because they're desperate or something.


Most years I'd agree...but this year is different. My people tolerance is low right now lol

Every day I go home and the only thing I want to do is be by myself. The idea of being around people, even my loved ones, just drives me nuts.


----------



## inane

I'm supposed to head over to casual guy's place tonight but I really would rather bail.

The more I think about it, the more he really is kind of an a-shole.

This is weird to think, but the "other guy" I emotionally cheated on my ex with actually treated me best. In my stupid moments, I wonder if it wouldn't have been best if I had gotten together with him after all to see if it'd work.

That would have been serious disrespect and a burn to my ex though, which I really didn't want to do... Even if he's the cause of my misery for the past half-year. Hindsight. I shouldn't have given a sh-t about him once he was out of my life.


----------



## inane

Okay, well that was weird. He was unusually nice to me, offering to order me food and dropping me back home with his leftover groceries (he's flying out for the holidays tomorrow).

We talked a bit and I felt pretty dispirited from some of his insights on me and my life. We cuddled though and fooled around. Things are so weird. One comment he made struck me hard. *"I have to agree- you've been alone."*

The past few years have been so, so difficult, heartbreaking, and crushing. I have had to walk it all alone.

I went home and tore up the last reminders I have of my ex-boyfriend, some coupons and ticket stubs from our dates. Finally. Six months after breaking up, it took a casual date for whom I have no emotional attachment to (unintentionally) give me the push to let go. Keeping those momentos means I wasn't alone for part of the journey- he was there.

But if he's not here now, he never was.

My heart is really broken. It's the end of a hellish year, but there's no end to this in sight. I hate being alone but there's no other way.


----------



## inane

I feel like I should check out of the dating scene, but the guy from OKCupid I cancelled on last weekend is still texting me. 35yo British dude.

I'm starting to chat with another guy on OKC too who I'm really interested in, from our conversations so far. Seems like a really nice, genuine guy. 33yo French.

In person, I'm still debating on asking out my 24yo Russian classmate... I don't imagine he'd want a relationship with me, but he's the only one I have true interest in right now.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> I feel like I should check out of the dating scene, but the guy from OKCupid I cancelled on last weekend is still texting me. 35yo British dude.
> 
> I'm starting to chat with another guy on OKC too who I'm really interested in, from our conversations so far. Seems like a really nice, genuine guy. 33yo French.
> 
> In person, I'm still debating on asking out my 24yo Russian classmate... I don't imagine he'd want a relationship with me, but he's the only one I have true interest in right now.


Where do you live?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> Where do you live?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Location: Montreal

It's the major city in Canada's French province of Quebec. I'm originally from Vancouver, which is way on the west coast.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> Location: Montreal
> 
> It's the major city in Canada's French province of Quebec. I'm originally from Vancouver, which is way on the west coast.


I'm on my phone since I have don't have internet at the moment lol so it's on mobile version of the site which only shows the username and avatar
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm on my phone since I have don't have internet at the moment lol so it's on mobile version of the site which only shows the username and avatar
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahh okay. Sorry buddy, I thought it was an odd question :b

Anyways my best friend thinks my dating life is a mess because I haven't committed to someone yet. I don't think I'll find a serious relationship again for quite a while and in the meantime, I don't mind a warm body to cuddle up against. Why not?


----------



## Tattie

nothing... i've been told i've got no game like a few months ago.. i stopped trying to get a guy like maybe 4+ yrs ago. it sucks being me


----------



## gunner21

Tattie said:


> nothing... i've been told i've got no game like a few months ago.. i stopped trying to get a guy like maybe 4+ yrs ago. it sucks being me


You don't need to have game. As far as personality goes, learn to be nice and communicate. I've talked to very few girls who actually communicate properly (be it on the phone or in person). Learn to communicate, that's the most important.


----------



## Carterrr95

Tattie said:


> nothing... i've been told i've got no game like a few months ago.. i stopped trying to get a guy like maybe 4+ yrs ago. it sucks being me


I thought only guys needed game


----------



## Stilla

@inane exactly what I was thinking. Just a big bull of crap. It is not that easy to get a guy.


----------



## Dark Jewel

Nothing. No one will ever want me.


----------



## Dark Jewel

Nothing. I maintain my appearance as well as I can, but other than that I meet no one and talk to no one.


----------



## veron

The online dating thing isn't going anywhere. Most men on there are not attractive to me, and/or have absolute dealbreakers (smoke, do drugs, etc.). Also, I'm surprised at the number of guys in their late 20's and up who do not want kids. Also, I'm surprised at how many of them think that posting a photo from frog's view, where I'm getting a great view of their nose cavities, is a flattering angle. 

And in real life, no guys have shown any interest. I have 0 prospects right now :/


----------



## inane

Casual dude sent me an email from France wishing me a merry Christmas... I'm surprised he bothered to do that, but I appreciated hearing from him. 

I mulled over my ex-boyfriend as I talked to my family and updated them on my lovelife. Six months later, on Christmas Eve with my family, and he still finds a way into my mind.


----------



## knightofdespair

Dark Jewel said:


> Nothing. I maintain my appearance as well as I can, but other than that I meet no one and talk to no one.


I'm the same way, I go to work and come home. I keep wondering if an ideal person is out there, how the hell would I even meet her... Even if I go out and try to be more active I wouldn't be surprised if she's at home somewhere.


----------



## inane

I'm going to die alone.


----------



## ellelaila

I'm 28 now, I started my first job 3 yrs ago when i was 25, time just flies and I now feel quite ashamed more than before that i'm heading to 30 soon and I am STILL alone. TBH I go to work, I go home, that's it most days. When I finish work all I wanna do when i get home is relax. I am an introvert, even though i like hanging out with my friends, i feel like i NEED my time to just chill and do my own things. My friends know me by now, they contact ME to go out or I don't go out and they are ALL female. It is partly this personality of mine + my tiredness after work + plus my height 177 [guys who aren't taller, generally don't interest me] + my lack of bothering to dress up a bit more haha + habit of feigning ignorance when i know a guy i'm not interested in is approaching, I could go on...., that has contributed to finally reaching 28 and cementing a forever alone label over my spent youth.

The more time that passes, the more anxiety it gives me to think about being in a relationship. TBH, there are a few times when even if I had interest in a guy in school, uni etc and I knew he had interest in me, it was all well and good experiencing the chase [ very subtle 'chase' mind you] but I kinda freak out and distance myself if he got serious about it, mainly because I wouldn't know what to do in a relationship, what do they talk about for hours on the phone?? it baffles me and I'm allergic to awkwardness, so I tend to avoid in advance these potentially painfully awkward situations. Reading some of these post, has forced me to stop with the denial that I might have some social anxiety issues as well that's stopping me from experiencing a relationship.

I decided to move away from home next year to another country and push my boundaries a bit more. Live a little etc. God help me lol.


----------



## truant

inane said:


> I'm going to die alone.


We'll die alone together. Well, not together. You know what I mean.

I'm going to make myself big and fat so my cats have plenty to eat.



ellelaila said:


> I decided to move away from home next year to another country and push my boundaries a bit more. Live a little etc. God help me lol.


Good luck. Hope it works for you.


----------



## veron

truant said:


> We'll die alone together.


Count me in too. We will all die alone!

--

The online dating thing is not going well. Finally, after weeks, a good looking guy messages me - I log in to reply, only to discover that he's deleted his profile :/ Most guys on there are totally passive, too. 99% of messages I get are "hi," 0.9 are "hi how are u", and 0.1 are something other than the previous two. Interestingly enough, when I reply with "hi," I usually don't hear from them again, haha. This is so pointless.


----------



## tea111red

Still nothing. I don't have the energy to even attempt to get a guy interested in me. Probably the only way I'll ever get into a relationship is the person is persistent/wears me down or if I get forced into it.


----------



## inane

Hating men helps turn the desire for companionship off.

Besides my Dad, brother, cousins, and a few very select friends... What a f-cking bunch of sh-theads they are. If I were a worse person, I'd try to use them for money and free dinners while I'm still young enough to pull it off. Because why not, they're more likely than not pieces of crap anyways. 

I am not having a good time interacting with guys, both on this site and in real life.

Thank god I have an amazing older brother to affirm to me not all men are like that, and to model the kind of person I want to be like.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

inane said:


> Hating men helps turn the desire for companionship off.
> 
> Besides my Dad, brother, cousins, and a few very select friends... What a f-cking bunch of sh-theads they are. If I were a worse person, I'd try to use them for money and free dinners while I'm still young enough to pull it off. Because why not, they're more likely than not pieces of crap anyways.
> 
> I am not having a good time interacting with guys, both on this site and in real life.
> 
> Thank god I have an amazing older brother to affirm to me not all men are like that, and to model the kind of person I want to be like.


Why not become a lesbian?


----------



## inane

visualkeirockstar said:


> Why not become a lesbian?


Good luck to you in finding someone


----------



## SaladDays

make up is on spot
fully waxed
wearing my hot vs lingerie 
i got a cute tight dress that barely covers my private parts
im doing everything to get the boy OP


----------



## srschirm

SaladDays said:


> make up is on spot
> fully waxed
> wearing my hot vs lingerie
> i got a cute tight dress that barely covers my private parts
> im doing everything to get the boy OP


LOL


----------



## visualkeirockstar

inane said:


> Good luck to you in finding someone


Thanks to you I might not even find one because they want is free dinner.


----------



## no one here

Struttin in


----------



## inane

visualkeirockstar said:


> Thanks to you I might not even find one because they want is free dinner.


 Please ignore the quote notifications.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

inane said:


>


Why do keep deleting your post? I know you're trying to say hurtful things.


----------



## tehuti88

Dark Jewel said:


> Nothing. No one will ever want me.


Same. -_-


----------



## inane

visualkeirockstar said:


> Why do keep deleting your post? I know you're trying to say hurtful things.


I don't want to add fuel to the pity party.

I have advice regarding "learned helplessness", but I'm 100% sure no one is going to take it and continue with the "woe is me" and "it's everyone's fault but mine" spiels. They give me an aneurysm to read.
-

Just got another email from casual guy in France. I still think things should end between us in the new year, but I would miss that sexy f-cker. Arghhh I really need some self-control.

I'm just going to keep my replies short and refrain from initiating contact myself.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

inane said:


> I don't want to add fuel to the pity party.
> 
> I have advice regarding "learned helplessness", but I'm 100% sure no one is going to take it and continue with the "woe is me" and "it's everyone's fault but mine" spiels. They give me an aneurysm to read.
> -
> 
> Just got another email from casual guy in France. I still think things should end between us in the new year, but I would miss that sexy f-cker. Arghhh I really need some self-control.
> 
> I'm just going to keep my replies short and refrain from initiating contact myself.


I'm not who you think I am. At least I'm not the one going around the forum talking bad about men and women. Good luck with your free dinners.


----------



## inane

visualkeirockstar said:


> I'm not who you think I am. At least I'm not the one going around the forum talking bad about men and women. Good luck with your free dinners.


You took one comment I made and jumped to conclusions about who I am- pot calling the kettle black much?

I'm allowed to have an opinion. You're allowed to let it bother you. I would advise that you learn not to.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> Count me in too. We will all die alone!
> 
> --
> 
> The online dating thing is not going well. Finally, after weeks, a good looking guy messages me - I log in to reply, only to discover that he's deleted his profile :/ Most guys on there are totally passive, too. 99% of messages I get are "hi," 0.9 are "hi how are u", and 0.1 are something other than the previous two. Interestingly enough, when I reply with "hi," I usually don't hear from them again, haha. This is so pointless.


I'd like to give a bit of a respective. Online dating is all about numbers. It's all about messaging as many girls as possible and hoping someone. As such, can't really customize messages when you want to message as many as possible. That's just the nature of the beast. How is "HI!" passive btw? I agree it's not the best opener.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

visualkeirockstar said:


> Why not become a lesbian?


You're really obsessed with lesbians lol.



inane said:


> Hating men helps turn the desire for companionship off.
> 
> Besides my Dad, brother, cousins, and a few very select friends... What a f-cking bunch of sh-theads they are. If I were a worse person, I'd try to use them for money and free dinners while I'm still young enough to pull it off. Because why not, they're more likely than not pieces of crap anyways.
> 
> I am not having a good time interacting with guys, *both on this site* and in real life.
> 
> Thank god I have an amazing older brother to affirm to me not all men are like that, and to model the kind of person I want to be like.


I said this to someone else recently, though that was more because they claimed to be afraid of men (well you know what Yoda says... Or you don't but I'll pretend you do,) but if you find yourself feeling that way just avoid this site for obvious reasons.

I'll say though, it's clear to me that many men take the same approach. They get angry/hate women in order to stop wanting them. It's ultimately unhealthy though.


----------



## inane

Persephone The Dread said:


> I said this to someone else recently, though that was more because they claimed to be afraid of men (well you know what Yoda says... Or you don't but I'll pretend you do,) but if you find yourself feeling that way just avoid this site for obvious reasons.
> 
> I'll say though, it's clear to me that many men take the same approach. They get angry/hate women in order to stop wanting them. It's ultimately unhealthy though.


Haha don't worry, I don't usually post on the forums but I know what it is. I'm just experiencing some stuff in real life that is frustrating me, and this was a convenient outlet.

I recognize it's an unhealthy perspective to take, and truthfully, there are a lot of really great guys in real life. Most are honestly very gracious and sweet most of the time. No one is perfect, and I myself have done things to ex-SOs that were disrespectful or hurtful. Part of being human in general.

When I'm hurt, I lash out because it hurts less than internalizing it I guess. I've been taking it out on SAS in the past few days.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

inane said:


> Haha don't worry, I don't usually post on the forums but I know what it is. I'm just experiencing some stuff in real life that is frustrating me, and this was a convenient outlet.
> 
> I recognize it's an unhealthy perspective to take, and truthfully, there are a lot of really great guys in real life. Most are honestly very gracious and sweet most of the time. No one is perfect, and I myself have done things to ex-SOs that were disrespectful or hurtful. Part of being human in general.
> 
> *When I'm hurt, I lash out because it hurts less than internalizing it I guess. I've been taking it out on SAS in the past few days.*


Yeah I understand, this place _as a whole_ really pisses me off lol. Though the reality is that most people here don't even start threads at all, and barely post, there are a few people who really grind my gears so that's what I end up seeing all the time.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> Online dating is all about numbers. It's all about messaging as many girls as possible and hoping someone.


You're making this sound like trying to win the lottery, lol. But _why _message as many girls as possible? Do you have no standards? Would you be willing to go out with any girl you see on there (and ultimately, message)?

On one hand, woman are complaining about getting too many "auto" messages, and the guys are complaining about all their efforts being futile. I think the quality of online dating would be improved if guys messaged more selectively, and sent messages with a bit more substance in them.



gunner21 said:


> How is "HI!" passive btw? I agree it's not the best opener.


"Hi" is passive because it does nothing for the conversation. A much better message would have a question in it, or some sort of comment that gives the other person something to reply to.


----------



## inane

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah I understand, this place _as a whole_ really pisses me off lol. Though the reality is that most people here don't even start threads at all, and barely post, there are a few people who really grind my gears so that's what I end up seeing all the time.


I've met some really cool people on this site, and am good friends with a few. Like I said, just take the forums for what they are- an outlet. Something to let off steam, not create more for yourself lol.


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> You're making this sound like trying to win the lottery, lol. But _why _message as many girls as possible? Do you have no standards? Would you be willing to go out with any girl you see on there (and ultimately, message)?


Usually it is because most women we really want won't give US a chance... You either end up not talking to any or trying to find that one in whatever number who will actually put down the damn barriers and talk and try to actually meet you halfway.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> You're making this sound like trying to win the lottery, lol. But _why _message as many girls as possible? Do you have no standards? Would you be willing to go out with any girl you see on there (and ultimately, message)?
> 
> On one hand, woman are complaining about getting too many "auto" messages, and the guys are complaining about all their efforts being futile. I think the quality of online dating would be improved if guys messaged more selectively, and sent messages with a bit more substance in them.
> 
> "Hi" is passive because it does nothing for the conversation. A much better message would have a question in it, or some sort of comment that gives the other person something to reply to.


Because it increases the chances of getting a reply? You're "interacting" with many more girls that way. It's a given that girls get a tonne of messages, so that message that you constructed so carefully is probably not even going to be read, so why waste so much time on that.

Think of it like a call centre cold calling people to buy their services. You want to get your message out to as many as possible as quickly as possible. Then if you get a reply, you know they like you somewhat and you start sending specific messages.


----------



## Evo1114

I don't personally employ the 'message as many girls as I can strategy', but that is really the only way I've heard of online dating actually working for dudes (as far as getting ANY replies).


----------



## knightofdespair

Evo1114 said:


> I don't personally employ the 'message as many girls as I can strategy', but that is really the only way I've heard of online dating actually working for dudes (as far as getting ANY replies).


And a lot of guys like me don't like very many women, the ones we do tend to like already have hundreds of guys sending them stuff and you reach a point where you just give up.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> Because it increases the chances of getting a reply? You're "interacting" with many more girls that way. It's a given that girls get a tonne of messages, so that message that you constructed so carefully is probably not even going to be read, so why waste so much time on that.
> 
> Think of it like a call centre cold calling people to buy their services. You want to get your message out to as many as possible as quickly as possible. Then if you get a reply, you know they like you somewhat and you start sending specific messages.


I don't think you got my question. With the message-as-many-as-you-can strategy, what happens if you get replies from the ones you don't find attractive? Would you continue talking to them, and if so, what would be the point of that?

As for the message thing, I don't think guys should spend a lot of time writing the first message; even one liners could work, as long as they're something other than "hi what's up." Like a question, or an interesting observation. Something that's funny or grabs a girl's interest is much more likely to get a response.


----------



## inane

There was a single dad in his early 40s who I was speaking to on OKCupid who I was totally willing to meet. I love children, especially at his daughters' ages (4 and 6). I had to bail out of meeting him for various reasons, and he messaged me again today after a few months. He changed his age to 25 :sus Okay, toss that one out. My first thought is that he does look somewhat young enough to pass as a decade younger, and perhaps he figured changing his age would get him more messages. But starting anything off with such a blatant lie is a huuuuge no way.

My casual guy tells me about his dates with other women, and told me about the time he went out with one who claimed to be 29... and ended up being around 40. WHYYY do people do this. Age is like the most basic of things to disclose to a date. It's not like being asked for your specific income or health conditions!


----------



## veron

^Yep, a lot of people lie. My mom once actually sent me a book about online dating (she's trying to be helpful, lol) written by some radio psychologist; this woman made a list of things she considers are OK to "stretch the truth" about, and things that aren't. As for age, she said it's OK to lie by a few years, but not by a decade or so. My reaction was like, "_What?_" - I would not be impressed to find out that my date lied about his age, even if it was just one year!


----------



## truant

One of my 2016 New Year's resolutions is to officially stop trying. I'm wasting time and wearing myself out emotionally for no reason when I should be focusing on what really matters: money.


----------



## gunner21

Since this is a thread frequented by girls, I'll ask here. 

Umm so why do so many girls cancel dates at the last moment through online dating? Like, what's the reason. (and it happens a lot)


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> Since this is a thread frequented by girls, I'll ask here.
> 
> Umm so why do so many girls cancel dates at the last moment through online dating? Like, what's the reason. (and it happens a lot)


This needs to be answered because girls would seem all excited, conversations going well...then not only the day of, but like the hour before you are ready to meet up, that's when they cancel.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> Since this is a thread frequented by girls, I'll ask here.
> 
> Umm so why do so many girls cancel dates at the last moment through online dating? Like, what's the reason. (and it happens a lot)


Ok... I'm not one of those girls, but I'll try to answer anyway 

My guess is that they, in most cases, chicken out. Online dating is probably most appealing to shy girls, so they're likely nervous before the date. I've been on a few dates with guys I met online and it was very nerve-racking.

Cancelling an hour before or just not showing up is plain rude, imo.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> Ok... I'm not one of those girls, but I'll try to answer anyway
> 
> My guess is that they, in most cases, chicken out. Online dating is probably most appealing to shy girls, so they're likely nervous before the date. I've been on a few dates with guys I met online and it was very nerve-racking.
> 
> Cancelling an hour before or just not showing up is plain rude, imo.


That has been done to me by 3 different girls. (cancelling at the last hour) Just wondering what I could do differently to not have that happen.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> That has been done to me by 3 different girls. (cancelling at the last hour) Just wondering what I could do differently to not have that happen.


Same here, after a while it becomes hard to really get your hopes up when girls are so flakey. And in my case a lot of the women weren't even shy. So I don't even think that's an excuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

gunner21 said:


> That has been done to me by 3 different girls. (cancelling at the last hour) Just wondering what I could do differently to not have that happen.





Jesuszilla said:


> Same here, after a while it becomes hard to really get your hopes up when girls are so flakey. And in my case a lot of the women weren't even shy. So I don't even think that's an excuse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know, that's weird. It's never happened to me before, but I have cancelled three times on women just before a date. One even texted me to ask what she should wear and I texted back 'actually, might not be able to make it tonight.' Maybe they're just anxious? Try lower stress/less pressure on meeting?


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Since this is a thread frequented by girls, I'll ask here.
> 
> Umm so why do so many girls cancel dates at the last moment through online dating? Like, what's the reason. (and it happens a lot)


My reasons have been:

1. Something else genuinely came up, and it's more important than meeting the guy. The threshold is generally pretty low for "something came up" when it comes to online dating, for both men and women.

2. I decide I don't have the emotional willpower to go through with the date after all. Consider the people who use online dating sites- it's kind of a "shortcut" thing, perhaps for people like me as well who are trying to move on from a breakup. The initial validation feels good, it feels nice to chat with a cute guy, and then when the time actually comes... it hits me that I don't want to go on a date with him.

3. I got a gigantic pimple and no amount of makeup could hide it. This one is actually a lot more common than I would like to admit.


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> That has been done to me by 3 different girls. (cancelling at the last hour) Just wondering what I could do differently to not have that happen.


I don't think there's anything you can do. People online are very flaky, and you probably have nothing to do with that :/


----------



## veron

I'm thinking of closing down my online dating profile, it's really an annoyance more than anything else. In the past couple of months, since I've had it, I've been asked on 0 dates. 

My mom seems to be really concerned about me, haha. She called me today to see how I was doing (I fell and hit my head on the sidewalk) and then she started giving me dating advice. Basically that I should try to get out more, and appear approachable. Nothing that I didn't already know.

Today I can't stop thinking about some guy I danced with last night... he was sooo good, lol. I've danced salsa with plenty of guys, but I don't remember ever having such a connection with someone. Before we danced, I didn't even notice him. He didn't do any crazy moves that drew my attention, nor was he much of a looker. And then we somehow ended up standing next to each other, and he asked me to dance, and... oh boy :shock At first I thought he was a foreigner, because he just held out his hand and motioned to the dance floor, without saying anything. But later he did say something. At some point I smiled, and when he saw my face he smiled, too. 

I'm so incredibly shy when I dance with people I don't know; I can't look at them in the eyes. I usually just stare at his chest (if he's taller than me), above his head (if he's shorter), or somewhere off to the side (if he's my height). 

Anyway, I hope I'll see this one - and dance with him - again.


----------



## AussiePea

For the guys getting flaked on, do you pursue the girls who have profiles suggesting they are quite shy or introverted in nature?


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> My reasons have been:
> 
> 1. Something else genuinely came up, and it's more important than meeting the guy. The threshold is generally pretty low for "something came up" when it comes to online dating, for both men and women.
> 
> 2. I decide I don't have the emotional willpower to go through with the date after all. Consider the people who use online dating sites- it's kind of a "shortcut" thing, perhaps for people like me as well who are trying to move on from a breakup. The initial validation feels good, it feels nice to chat with a cute guy, and then when the time actually comes... it hits me that I don't want to go on a date with him.
> 
> 3. I got a gigantic pimple and no amount of makeup could hide it. This one is actually a lot more common than I would like to admit.


So assuming the guy really wanted to go out on this date, is there any point or reason to keep trying or did she basically already write it off permanently no matter what he does?


----------



## inane

knightofdespair said:


> So assuming the guy really wanted to go out on this date, is there any point or reason to keep trying or did she basically already write it off permanently no matter what he does?


I assume if the person has interest, they will want to at least meet you even if you're not their top priority at the moment.


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> I assume if the person has interest, they will want to at least meet you even if you're not their top priority at the moment.


I don't think I'd try it again if I got shined the first time.


----------



## inane

I've been texting a bit with FWB, and he tells me he's one of the last few of his friend group in France to not be married, engaged, or have kids (he's 33). He's said he hopes to have all that by 35. 

Hmmmmm. He's a physical comfort and good conversation for me, but if he's in a hurry to find something serious, we probably are going to turn this into a platonic friendship.

Oh well, it was hysterical hanging out with him and I regret nothing. I have never had a date that I was still laughing at a month later besides with this guy.

Soooo. Any single sweet French guys in their thirties living in Montreal around here? :um


----------



## EvonneEzell

I would say nothing but I constantly join clubs just to search for someone like me. If I do, I'll dress uo or wear more makeupand appear more open, but I quickly lose interest.


----------



## inane

The British guy from OKC I cancelled on before the holidays texted me tonight, and we're setting up a date to finally meet. I suggested coffee at my favourite place- Tim's! :teeth 

He couldn't see the charms of Timmies- being British- and suggested a more "cozy" and "less sterile" place instead. Lol!

Highly doubt this one is going to work out, but I wouldn't mind meeting someone new.


----------



## veron

I fell and hit my head on the floor and am currently wearing a neck collar, so I won't be seeing the salsa guy anytime soon, lol.

Currently, the two boys who are interested in me are way too young for me. One of them is 18; I know him from salsa. I was initially hanging out with his older brother, and he just tagged along. In the meantime, the older brother quit salsa, so this younger brother and I were kind of left alone. After classes we walk together to the bus station. We also attended some parties together (with his older brother, too). I didn't realize that he liked me until January 1, when he sent me a text message at about 40 seconds into the new year, to wish me happy new year. I thought "damn, if I'm the first person he texts at new year's, he must be in love with me or something". 

Online, the only guy who seems genuinely interested is a 21-year-old boy, who lives in a nearby city. He looks pretty good, and he wrote on his profile that he has a thing for "older women." And I like his messaging style. He writes more than just "hi", he asks me questions, he elaborates on answers to questions I've asked him. But he's a baby, and he lives too far. Even if he lived here, I'd be embarrassed to introduce someone like him to my family. Today I told him that I don't think it would work out between us.


----------



## inane

My casual date has been texting me more than usual since he got back to the city... He messaged me last night just to ask how I was, which is unusual for him. I think it's interesting how he always focuses on what's going on in my life. Rather than talking about himself, he'll ask a hundred questions about you instead. It's one of the reasons he's been able to charm so many women I suppose.

He asked if I'd like to join him tonight at the opening of a microbrewery (I love beers). I told him about my first date tomorrow with this British guy off OKC, and asked if it would be too tacky to go see him afterwards... He was cool with it, so there you have it. My Friday night might consist of a date with a pretty cute British guy, and then a really hot French guy. 

And in the worst case scenario, I'll have cats! :teeth (Going to a Cat Cafe with British guy).


----------



## inane

I know what I have with French guy is casual, and British guy is only a first date.

But I can't help but feel really weird about it :? 

...Definitely a 1-guy woman here.


----------



## inane

That was quite an evening yesterday.

British guy turned out to be pretty attractive, intelligent, and laid-back. Thumbs up. I texted him after the date for a second one next week at an art museum (we went to a Cat Cafe last night), and he replied, "For sure, I'm super happy to see you again." So I think he at least liked me a little.

Broke things off with casual guy- after six months, a casual fling with any one person should end. He loved someone else and I was just a placeholder for him, but I don't think I have any right to be hurt when I was just using him as well to move on from my ex-boyfriend. I guess I came to be fond of him. I'll let myself grieve.


----------



## SaladDays

showing him my wet nana


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> Online, the only guy who seems genuinely interested is a 21-year-old boy, who lives in a nearby city. He looks pretty good, and he wrote on his profile that he has a thing for "older women." And I like his messaging style. He writes more than just "hi", he asks me questions, he elaborates on answers to questions I've asked him. But he's a baby, and he lives too far. Even if he lived here, I'd be embarrassed to introduce someone like him to my family. Today I told him that I don't think it would work out between us.


Just go for it, geez... age doesn't matter.


----------



## inane

Second date set for Wednesday, and I mentally put him in the "would have sex with" category, so we'll see how things go. Maybe people would think less of me for it, but I think sexual desirability is extremely important in dating. I wouldn't feel good dating someone who wasn't attracted to me.

I miss my FWB. Just have to grit my teeth and move past it... like I have before.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> Second date set for Wednesday, and I mentally put him in the "would have sex with" category, so we'll see how things go. Maybe people would think less of me for it, but *I think sexual desirability is extremely important in dating. I wouldn't feel good dating someone who wasn't attracted to me.*
> 
> I miss my FWB. Just have to grit my teeth and move past it... like I have before.


I feel the same way and would want a woman who finds me attractive. I would be devastated if she didn't think I was. I remember my ex telling me she didn't think I was all that attractive and talked about hot guys she dated in the past before and I was heartbroken. *Mind you as someone who isn't attractive I probably put more stock in a woman finding me attractive than I should*

As for your FWB, you'll move on in time. Don't stress yourself over him or think too much. Just enjoy this guy while you guys are on dates and talking. That's probably obvious advice so forgive me if it is lol.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> I feel the same way and would want a woman who finds me attractive. I would be devastated if she didn't think I was. I remember my ex telling me she didn't think I was all that attractive and talked about hot guys she dated in the past before and I was heartbroken. *Mind you as someone who isn't attractive I probably put more stock in a woman finding me attractive than I should*
> 
> As for your FWB, you'll move on in time. Don't stress yourself over him or think too much. Just enjoy this guy while you guys are on dates and talking. That's probably obvious advice so forgive me if it is lol.


Ehh dating is pretty brutal. I think my self-esteem is lower than before I started seeing guys- I'm judged on my appearance, my lifestyle, my personality, everything. I've gotten told I have "crap all over [my] face" (when I spent a long time putting on makeup to look nice for him), that my hands were too dry, and that I needed to start working soon, among many other things.

The last one would be a valid concern... only none of the guys I dated paid for me in any way :sus I would even buy THEM dinner or small gifts at times. Like really, my financial situation affects you how? (I left my last job to study for a newfound career interest, and am living off my own savings with zero debt). But even so, the comments have taken a toll on me mentally... even though the guys who made them are now in the past.

You're likely an attractive guy. For what it's worth, from talking to you, I think you have an attractive personality/mind.

Thanks  Yeah I couldn't really enjoy the first date because my FWB was still on my mind... But now that we've broken things off, I'm hoping my mental block for the second date will be removed.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> Ehh dating is pretty brutal. I think my self-esteem is lower than before I started seeing guys- I'm judged on my appearance, my lifestyle, my personality, everything. I've gotten told I have "crap all over [my] face" (when I spent a long time putting on makeup to look nice for him), that my hands were too dry, and that I needed to start working soon, among many other things.
> 
> The last one would be a valid concern... only none of the guys I dated paid for me in any way :sus I would even buy THEM dinner or small gifts at times. Like really, my financial situation affects you how? (I left my last job to study for a newfound career interest, and am living off my own savings with zero debt). But even so, the comments have taken a toll on me mentally... even though the guys who made them are now in the past.
> 
> You're likely an attractive guy. For what it's worth, from talking to you, I think you have an attractive personality/mind.
> 
> Thanks  Yeah I couldn't really enjoy the first date because my FWB was still on my mind... But now that we've broken things off, I'm hoping my mental block for the second date will be removed.


Yeah dating is brutal, but I've survived some pretty awful experiences and it seems like you have too. So you'll bounce back from anything guys said to lower your self esteem.

Sometimes what people have said about us sticks and it takes a long time to ever shake them. So I can understand why your self-esteem would be down, but you seem to have your share of success in comparison to most here. So hopefully the quells what people have said about you before.

Thanks my personality is mostly fine. But my big negative is that I'm too boring for most women. And I know this because I've put a lot of effort into dating over the years plus again my ex would always tell me that I'm a boring person. So that's a pretty huge negative.

Take the mental block away lol I personally believe the goal of a date is 1. get to know the person 2. have fun. That's it. Anything else are just added benefits. So focus on having fun. Good luck on date #2


----------



## inane

@Jesuszilla Well your ex was a b-tch so to hell what she thinks. Thanks, I'm sure it'll be a good experience no matter- it'll be my first time at this museum, and it's a prominent one in the city so the exhibitions should be pretty good.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @Jesuszilla Well your ex was a b-tch so to hell what she thinks. Thanks, I'm sure it'll be a good experience no matter- it'll be my first time at this museum, and it's a prominent one in the city so the exhibitions should be pretty good.


Sounds fun. And my ex wasn't a ***** trust me on that. She did what no woman is stupid enough to ever do and gave me a chance. Sadly as hard as we tried to make it work it just couldn't. I think we just weren't nearly as good as a match as I thought. It's been all downhill since.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> Sounds fun. And my ex wasn't a ***** trust me on that. She did what no woman is stupid enough to ever do and gave me a chance. Sadly as hard as we tried to make it work it just couldn't. I think we just weren't nearly as good as a match as I thought. It's been all downhill since.


Why would you say that? You sound like a trustworthy, kind, and intelligent guy. Sometimes the compatibility just isn't right (or the effort isn't worth it to keep trying) with a particular person. It may not necessarily make you happy, but I can guarantee there will be others- Just keep an open heart.
-

I think I should give up dating. I've been saying this for the past three months, and for some sh-t reason, I won't stop. A large part of it is shallow at first, wanting something cute and attractive to hold and touch... and then I get attached and get my heart broken.

OKAY. After the date on Wednesday, NO MORE DATING. If I need cute things in my life, I'll go find some lady friends. If I have another date after it, I will... self-ban myself from SAS :um


----------



## Nick12345

There are lots of things you can do, but all require a great deal of exertion and psychological stress for the SAD sufferer.

Girls want a number of central things, stability and security, both physical and financial, in order to bring up successful offspring and good genes/health. The former can over-ride the latter if you have enough money or other resources(humour, affection) to make them not care. Many girls aim to 'trade up' by harnessing the assets that their future mate controls. Being confident and popular is good for getting food, persistent living and breeding. Being rich, being funny, being charming, the same. All these things improve the life of a potential female. A charming man, can be generally charming and popular and be a good salesman and hence provider. Good looking men earn more and are prejudicially judged to be better in everything they do because of people's tendency to favour beauty. 

Life is very much a functional affair, make yourself useful and you will become attractive. Confidence, ambition, creativity(playing an instrument) and physical fitness are all positives in a girls mind, because they positive for her future and the future of any offspring. Some like to distance themselves from the brass tacks evolutionary basis of girl meets boy, but to the scientist or realist, these are the things that matter. Girls hate anything which damages their chances of a stable nest. Lack of self esteem, negativity, moping, lack of ambition, defeatism, all of them turn off women, because in the past, women who were turned off by these things, did better in life and successfully passed on their genes. It is that simple, our perception of the word 'sexy', when analysed objectively, can be translated as anything which benefits procreation. Good muscles equals health and strength=food and stability=green light for breeding or sex or as it has now become, sexy. You might as well call attractive stuff, breedy or impregnationy. We lose the meaning of things, but they are what they are. I know it takes the illusion out of it, but get fit, keep yourself clean and well presented, make some good money and train for confidence and you will have no problems getting a mate.

In most SAD cases, I think that people still retain enough social and physical normality to allow mate selection. In this case, in answer to your question, what can you do, it is probably most advisable to try as often as you can to talk to girls to increase the odds of a match. I think the biggest mistake some of us make is that we expect girls to come to us. They will not in the majority of cases. Women are breeding selectors, they chose the best mate in order to maximise the chances of their babies. A few women may make the first move or rebel, that's nature, but the majority will consider it failure, if you do not try to impress. It is like getting annoyed that you haven't got in to Cambridge, when you won't even take an exam. For some 'love shy' individuals their anxiety is so strong that they are unable to initiate first contact or make sexual advances, due to self doubt. That is why some of us will always be single. Women expect you to make the first move, how else do they know that you are worth a second date and likely to stick around for the long term?


However if you twitch, have very bad facial tension, blush heavily and give off other warning signals which women take as an indication of poor mate choice, then your chances are reduced. You've just got to hope, through talking to as many girls as you can, that one will see through all the superficial stuff and see a person that is worth putting some time in to.

Best of luck achieving what you want, believing in the idea is the first step to it happening, that much I have definitely established.

cheers, Nick.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> Why would you say that? You sound like a trustworthy, kind, and intelligent guy. Sometimes the compatibility just isn't right (or the effort isn't worth it to keep trying) with a particular person. It may not necessarily make you happy, but I can guarantee there will be others- Just keep an open heart.


As my therapist used to say: I take one step forward and 2 steps back. Despite the depression and anxiety and being ugly and being boring I managed to have a beautiful patient girlfriend and ruined it. Yeah I am trustworthy, kind, intelligent but everything that wasn't good enough. In the end my low self-esteem and depression got the best of me...among other issues.

Also in hindsight 5 months later, I see that we were too extremely different to truly mix. She was extremely outgoing always with friends, always going out, always doing things. I am the opposite, I'm extremely introverted: no friends (and don't want more than 1 or 2 at most), rarely like going out and don't like being around people...I feel stupid for thinking our opposites would attract because we didn't have good chemistry. I wish I could go into the deeper details of how messed up the "relationship" was. It really wasn't much of a relationship, it was a sham and this is killing me to admit that. But the relationship SUCKED from an emotional stand point.

We weren't abusive to each other, or mean. We never did things to purposely hurt each other but we were so different that the relationship was just a joke.

We had no truly romantic moments, no real dates, rarely ever saw each other, never had sex and so on. We lived 30 minutes away from each other and would go MONTHS without seeing each other because every time I planned a date she'd cancel or something would come up last minute. We never had alone time because the few times we got together she'd bring her brothers or little cousins or something. She would go out friends over me because I sucked so much at planning dates...I can go on and on for weeks with all the problems of the relationship. And worst of all they were 100% my fault.



> I think I should give up dating. I've been saying this for the past three months, and for some sh-t reason, I won't stop. A large part of it is shallow at first, wanting something cute and attractive to hold and touch... and then I get attached and get my heart broken.
> 
> OKAY. After the date on Wednesday, NO MORE DATING. If I need cute things in my life, I'll go find some lady friends. If I have another date after it, I will... self-ban myself from SAS :um


Self ban from SAS? Do you have the strength to do that lol

Why quit dating when it seems like things are looking up for you? I understand not dating because I think everyone who's been in and out of relationships/casual dating needs that period of time to be alone. It is helping me since the break up last August.


----------



## Nick12345

At least you've had a try, that much counts for something. I think that sometimes, girls especially can be attracted to the mysterious vibe that SA guys give off. For some girls, SA guys are like an empty vessel in to which girls can project all their hoped for attributes. It's often very different when you've got to live with one another. If you want a wider perspective, some people don't ever get past the first few words, so you have plenty to be thankful for and plenty to get you another partner in the near future. 

cheers, Nick.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Nick12345 said:


> At least you've had a try, that much counts for something. I think that sometimes, girls especially can be attracted to the mysterious vibe that SA guys give off. For some girls, SA guys are like an empty vessel in to which girls can project all their hoped for attributes. It's often very different when you've got to live with one another. If you want a wider perspective, some people don't ever get past the first few words, so you have plenty to be thankful for and plenty to get you another partner in the near future.
> 
> cheers, Nick.


Was this for me? I worked hard from barely being able to even talk to girls to having a gf even if it was a crappy relationship. So I'm thankful that I've pushed so far.

With that said I'm still a guy with SA, depression and ugly. Those are MAJOR red flags I need to overcome to even dream another girl would ever give me another shot at a relationship. I'm not being negative or anything just realistic. I'm not a fun or likable person. People, especially women, will never be drawn to me. I'm not the hot guy women would put up with. Nor am I that charming witty guy women are instantly drawn to personality wise.

In terms of dating I have overachieved big time.


----------



## inane

@Jesuszilla Stop blaming yourself. You know a relationship involves two people to make it work, right? It sounds like you were doing the right things, putting in the effort to make your girlfriend feel wanted, and she did none of it. If she was officially your girlfriend, she sucked at being one. I don't care what pedestal you've put her on in your head- you'll see it eventually, hopefully when you meet someone else who treats and cherishes you better than that. And I really doubt you are unattractive physically... Combined with the rest of your post I think it's just your low self-esteem talking.

Quitting dating because I find it demoralizing and unfulfilling. The guys are hot, but that's essentially it. I don't feel like they care about me and they likely don't.


----------



## Nick12345

I can relate as I'm both a chronic SA sufferer and have been called ugly in public a huge number of times. That said, I've not tried for ages because I am happy alone and don't have any plans to breed. You have put in a shed load of effort to get a relationship, so that in itself is an attractive trait for a girl. Friends of mine who are very ugly(i mean really) have stable good relationships, despite being, if honest, pretty boring. The big thing was that they were matched and enjoy being boring together. I think you've said it was a bad match, so if anything, you can take the positive from this, that you've learnt a life lesson and know more than you did before. 

Chin up lad, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things can and will improve, you've got the skills, now you just need
another opportunity.

cheers, Nick.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @Jesuszilla Stop blaming yourself. You know a relationship involves two people to make it work, right? It sounds like you were doing the right things, putting in the effort to make your girlfriend feel wanted, and she did none of it. If she was officially your girlfriend, she sucked at being one. I don't care what pedestal you've put her on in your head- you'll see it eventually, hopefully when you meet someone else who treats and cherishes you better than that. And I really doubt you are unattractive physically... Combined with the rest of your post I think it's just your low self-esteem talking.
> 
> Quitting dating because I find it demoralizing and unfulfilling. The guys are hot, but that's essentially it. I don't feel like they care about me and they likely don't.


I blame myself because although I tried I was the reason things would go by the wayside. She did her best and fortunately for her last I heard from her which was in November I think she met a new guy. So hopefully that works out and I continue to move on. You know how people try to make their exs seem like the worst person ever? I'm trying not to do that. She was far from the perfect gf but if I weren't such a terrible bf or if we had actual chemistry then I wouldn't say these things which I'm pretty sure low self-esteem isn't speaking here.

She's been off the pedastal. I don't like putting women on pedastals it never worked out for me in the past.

I'm done with dating until I lose weight. I got super depressed and as a result gained some weight after the break up (mind you I was also unemployed at the time so I was feeling worthless as a man).

Wouldn't they care the longer you get to know them? See this is where I wish I were a dating expert to help you out.


----------



## inane

@*Jesuszilla* Yeesh buddy, if I knew you in real life, I'd be close to strangling you for thinking this way. The way you speak about it means you are still putting her on a pedestal and speaking from low self-esteem.

LOL you're also inexperienced I see  I joke. I don't need help dating... It's just stuff you learn as you go through the dating circus, and I'm perceptive and self-aware enough to figure it out. They might care about you for example... but they're just settling for you. Or they're only with you because they can't get someone else (who they want more). It's a multitude of things. The men I see don't give a sh-t about me and I'm done with feeling discarded.

Don't ever accept being made to feel second or inadequate or unvalued in your relationships.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @*Jesuszilla* Yeesh buddy, if I knew you in real life, I'd be close to strangling you for thinking this way. The way you speak about it means you are still putting her on a pedestal and speaking from low self-esteem.
> 
> LOL you're also inexperienced I see  I joke. I don't need help dating... It's just stuff you learn as you go through the dating circus, and I'm perceptive and self-aware enough to figure it out. They might care about you for example... but they're just settling for you. Or they're only with you because they can't get someone else (who they want more). It's a multitude of things. The men I see don't give a sh-t about me and I'm done with feeling discarded.
> 
> Don't ever accept being made to feel second or inadequate or unvalued in your relationships.


Please explain to me how I'm putting her on a pedastal? Lol

No I'm not experienced. I may have more experience than most guys here but that's due to years of hard work. Mind you I never even slept with my ex...thats how little time we had together that we were never able to get intimate.

Anyway, I'm very much against settling. It's one of those things if a girlittle said she settled for me I feel like crap so I get that. I just don't know how you know they're settling for you? A part of it is that I'm very direct about what I want when I deal with dating so these little things I seem to miss because I tend to assume everyone is as straightforward a I am.

*btw me being straightforward makes me boring snce there's no mystery to me haha another red flag for me to overcome


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> Please explain to me how I'm putting her on a pedastal? Lol
> 
> No I'm not experienced. I may have more experience than most guys here but that's due to years of hard work. Mind you I never even slept with my ex...thats how little time we had together that we were never able to get intimate.
> 
> Anyway, I'm very much against settling. It's one of those things if a girlittle said she settled for me I feel like crap so I get that. I just don't know how you know they're settling for you? A part of it is that I'm very direct about what I want when I deal with dating so these little things I seem to miss because I tend to assume everyone is as straightforward a I am.
> 
> *btw me being straightforward makes me boring snce there's no mystery to me haha another red flag for me to overcome


I don't have the patience to explain it, but how you perceive the relationship failing to be your fault. She was the one who brought family members to your dates (LOL), wouldn't make time for you, and somehow that's supposed to be on you. Maybe in time you could take a more objective view. That girl wasn't worth it.

And on my end it's a lot, not going to go into it all. But I know.


----------



## veron

knightofdespair said:


> Just go for it, geez... age doesn't matter.


Oh, but it does...

As mismatched as we are, I _am_ temped to meet him... I haven't been on a date in like, a year. It's sad that I've come to a place where I'm considering prospects like this one :rain


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> Oh, but it does...
> 
> As mismatched as we are, I _am_ temped to meet him... I haven't been on a date in like, a year. It's sad that I've come to a place where I'm considering prospects like this one :rain


Anything under a 10 year difference is not usually going to be a big deal down the road.. If there is a spark its kind of sad to ignore it due to an imaginary number.


----------



## inane

I resent and regret each lover I've had. I can't remember a time when I had as little self-worth as after every relationship. I wish there were such a thing as mind bleach.


----------



## veron

knightofdespair said:


> Anything under a 10 year difference is not usually going to be a big deal down the road.. If there is a spark its kind of sad to ignore it due to an imaginary number.


My biological clock is ticking. By the time this little dude grows up and is ready to have kids, it might be too late for me.


----------



## knightofdespair

veron said:


> My biological clock is ticking. By the time this little dude grows up and is ready to have kids, it might be too late for me.


There are a lot of pros and cons. I always like the older ladies and generally the rest of the concerns are socioeconomic factors that people have little control over. It might be great, it might not, I just hate to see people shoot it down without even giving it a shot.


----------



## gunner21

Jesuszilla said:


> We had no truly romantic moments, no real dates, rarely ever saw each other, never had sex and so on. We lived 30 minutes away from each other and would go MONTHS without seeing each other because every time I planned a date she'd cancel or something would come up last minute. We never had alone time because the few times we got together she'd bring her brothers or little cousins or something. She would go out friends over me because I sucked so much at planning dates...I can go on and on for weeks with all the problems of the relationship. And worst of all they were 100% my fault.


I'm sorry, but if she was doing that, then that's a terrible girlfriend.


----------



## inane

Had the second date at a museum and then a cafe where his friend was playing live music. Shook hands with a lot of his friends.

I cut things short though and there was an awkward moment where he tried to give me a second kiss, and I turned my face away before leaving the car :?

I dunno, I don't think this one is a good match despite being really nice and gracious. Guess I'm glad I went though.


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> I'm sorry, but if she was doing that, then that's a terrible girlfriend.


It's not as black and white as I've probably made it seem that's why I'm not too hard on her. I can't ignore the issues I brought to the table that caused them as well.


----------



## inane

Whelp I'm good on my word. No more dating. (And I'll have missed nothing important, lol).


----------



## inane

I'm such a mess.

I just cried over my ex-boyfriend after god knows how long. I've certainly moved on after so much time of no-contact... But randomly, I remembered being in his old apartment. Those moments that felt so, so good.

I miss the most recent lover too. I miss his touch and kisses.

This British guy I had a couple dates with asked for a third one at his place, and I hadn't replied. I'm not that attracted to him. Regardless of what Internet promises I've made, I'm not sure what to do.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> I'm such a mess.
> 
> I just cried over my ex-boyfriend after god knows how long. I've certainly moved on after so much time of no-contact... But randomly, I remembered being in his old apartment. Those moments that felt so, so good.
> 
> I miss the most recent lover too. I miss his touch and kisses.
> 
> This British guy I had a couple dates with asked for a third one at his place, and I hadn't replied. I'm not that attracted to him. Regardless of what Internet promises I've made, I'm not sure what to do.


I feel like I'm over my ex as well. Haven't cried over her or anything but I knew I ruined my one shot. I'd be stunned if I get back into dating any time soon. I have too much s*** to work on before any girl would ever even like me. So I understand you on that inane


----------



## inane

@*Jesuszilla* My heart is more tender because I still feel something for both... Less that I'm wanting to get back into the game, so to speak. I guess I just have to keep letting more time pass.

And I don't think I'll go on a third date with British Guy. I'm not a fan of accents, but British accents in general are a no-go for me in the bedroom. (I know it's absurd, no need to berate me- I'm sure most guys out there would find things about me to be a massive turn-off as well).

Oh and another edit to add the obligatory "Stop Putting Yourself Down." Make improvements to yourself but seriously buddy I think you underestimate yourself, and sell yourself short. It's likely a lack of confidence that's holding you back than anything to do with your looks.


----------



## veron

^I'm not a fan of British accents either, haha.

As for the young dude living in neighboring city, I don't know what to do about him. It seems like our conversation has died, he just sends me one-line messages now. He doesn't seem like much of an online communicator. But he said that he wants to meet me, and he asked if I'm interested. I'm reluctant to meet someone whom I don't know much about. Years back, when I first tried online dating, I went on two dates with guys I didn't know well, and it was awkward, neither of us knew what to talk about. 

The only thing that's keeping me interested in this one is that he's quite good looking (he actually models, lol), and he seems to be smart. But then again, even if we meet up and hit it off, there's that distance between us... I don't know what to do.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @*Jesuszilla* My heart is more tender because I still feel something for both... Less that I'm wanting to get back into the game, so to speak. I guess I just have to keep letting more time pass.
> 
> And I don't think I'll go on a third date with British Guy. I'm not a fan of accents, but British accents in general are a no-go for me in the bedroom. (I know it's absurd, no need to berate me- I'm sure most guys out there would find things about me to be a massive turn-off as well).


We all have our tastes. Not like you hate British men or something lol



> Oh and another edit to add the obligatory "Stop Putting Yourself Down." Make improvements to yourself but seriously buddy I think you underestimate yourself, and sell yourself short. It's likely a lack of confidence that's holding you back than anything to do with your looks.


I'm making improvements you can bet your bottom dollar on that. I am always confused on how I'm putting myself down though. Just feel like it's realistic given my history with the opposite sex, how I function and so on. It's a miracle I ever had a relationship in the first place. Sure it was a bad relationship, and I hate that it was so bad and not really a "relationship" in any sense other than by name...but that is still an accomplishment for someone who's never had friends and a s***ty dating life.

I've mentioned it before but my very first date ever was so bad the girl walked out on me pretending to go to the bathroom and never came back. She only did that because I was so nervous I literally couldn't talk to her. How is that *not* my fault? Same with the issues I've mentioned that I caused in my relationship to make it so bad we had *zero* romantic moments, never had sex, never had dates and I screwed up so much while trying.

By no means am I saying that I can't do better or find someone again but I am also realistic enough to know that I am not a ladies man, I will never be the kind of man most women by large would want to date much less find attractive or like.

Sorry for venting, just never talked about my relationship issues in depth before so I'm kinda unloading that on you lol That is not my intention especially on a thread about getting a boy so this is posted in the wrong place.

My main point is I don't see how I'm putting myself down. I'm just basing my views off of experience and what I know about myself.


----------



## coeur_brise

Not much. That's not to say I don't have to do much. But really, not that much. Maybe improving my makeup skillz? Around my age is about that time you can start wearing anti-wrinkle stuff. Vamp it up. I got nothing actually.. a boy just threw me in a for a loop. I'm just trying to pick up the pieces.


----------



## inane

@*Jesuszilla* For one, stop acting like a woman would be doing you a favour by dating you.

And stop blaming bad behaviour from your dates on yourself. Whether or not you are nervous or boring (self-perceived), being rude and even cruel is a lot worse, which is what those girls seemed to have been. Who the hell just walks out of a date without saying a word?

Unload all you need, I don't mind. I don't think anything I say is going to get to you, but go ahead anyways lol.


----------



## Jesuszilla

@inane so you don't think if a guy did something like that it wasn't caused from something you did? That was always how I saw things. I am a self blamer. My view is *i* must have caused something for these women to be rude or else why would they? It's not like my ex for example was an awful person. She only did the things she did to me. If she would ditch her friends or family as well then I could say that it is her, but since I was the one who was ditched, canceled on and so on then it had to be something I did...

I'm trying to see your point of view. I'm trying to accept that these women were just rude...it's just there has to be a reason.


----------



## inane

@Jesuszilla How many times has this happened? I do believe in the "Common Denominator" theory, but two isn't enough of a sample size. Once it gets to three, okay, we have an argument it's likely something to do with you... even if it's just your (poor) ability to pick partners.


----------



## Jesuszilla

inane said:


> @Jesuszilla How many times has this happened? I do believe in the "Common Denominator" theory, but two isn't enough of a sample size. Once it gets to three, okay, we have an argument it's likely something to do with you... even if it's just your (poor) ability to pick partners.


Well the girl I had my first date with (by first date I mean my very first date in my life) was a one time thing. I was never that crippled with silence on a date ever again.

My ex, that happened all the time. The relationship sucked and I don't want to write an essay about every time we had a date planned and something came up...which happened every single time.

As for other times I chalked them up to typical dating behavior. Rejections, rejection, rejections, lasy minute cancelling, talking to me for a while then disappearing, being stood up. If it doesn't go anywhere with her I chalk that up to typical dating situations. Which is the bulk of my experience


----------



## inane

There probably wasn't a good connection I guess, which can't be blamed on you because it's something hard to find in general (dating or not).

What I've noticed is that women tend to focus more on connection, whereas if the man is physically attracted to the woman, he's not going to care and will want another date. The former is more difficult to appease.

Well my advice to you is the same advice I give myself. Just focus on learning to love yourself and being happy on your own, develop your own interests and hobbies, and don't allow people who make you feel bad into your life.


----------



## Jesuszilla

How do you form a connection with a girl without going on a date? There's only so much you can know from calling or texting her. And there are times things seem to be good before the date and a lot of women will act all excited and still stand you up or cancel on you last minute. Do you know how many times I gotten dressed and ready or bought something for a date...got in my car...got all excited only to get the phone call on way there or an hour before we were supposed to meet up that "something came up"?

No wonder I can't appease any women to connect because I never get a fair shot. And the one girl that did give me a shot...well you got a glimpse at how terrible that turned out.


----------



## SilentLyric

nuthin. I don't know what to do. I know my target I guess, but I feel weird even trying to talk to him because of what the other coworkers will think, and on top of that, there's always at least 1 other coworker around, so asking to hang out can never be done in private. saying "hey can I Talk to you privately" sounds creepy as f. I hate having a crush going on this long, I just want closure so I can have something potentially or move on. this isn't healthy at all.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> How do you form a connection with a girl without going on a date? There's only so much you can know from calling or texting her. And there are times things seem to be good before the date and a lot of women will act all excited and still stand you up or cancel on you last minute. Do you know how many times I gotten dressed and ready or bought something for a date...got in my car...got all excited only to get the phone call on way there or an hour before we were supposed to meet up that "something came up"?
> 
> No wonder I can't appease any women to connect because I never get a fair shot. And the one girl that did give me a shot...well you got a glimpse at how terrible that turned out.


Maybe she got cold feet, or got a giant pimple and she couldn't find a way to adequately conceal it, or her best friend just had a bad breakup, or she realized last moment she just wasn't over her ex-boyfriend enough to go through with a date.

It isn't always you.

I know I'm preaching to the choir. I've been rejected before and you start analyzing everything wrong with yourself and it takes a massive hit to your sense of self-worth. As you understand, it's just the unfortunate nature of dating. Extremely demoralizing and underwhelming process. Yet we do it anyways :sus


----------



## inane

My ex-FWB texted me today to go over. I said no. He insisted. I said no again.

Man, someone give me a medal for self-control... I literally masturbated that morning to thoughts of him. 

Also canceled third date with the other guy.


----------



## veron

In the world of online dating... I came across a guy whose profile seemed just perfect. We seemed to have so much in common. There was one major difference - he said that he's very outgoing, and that's just the kind of partner I prefer. He made a list of things he wants in a partner, and I seemed to meet them all, lol. So he seemed like a great match. But... I looked through his photos, and I didn't find him very attractive. He's not ugly, but he's not great looking, either. Just average, I guess. 

I figured I'd send him a message. He replied, and we had a nice little conversation going on, but today I can't bring myself to answer him. I just don't feel any attraction. In fact, I don't find attractive 99% of guys I see on there. Sometimes I wonder if my standards are too high. Maybe it's just hard for me to be interested in someone when I have a photo and written words to go by.


----------



## inane

There's a cafe I visit for Meet up groups, and at my chess group last night, my opponent finished our game... And before leaving, asked me for my number and explicitly clarified he wanted to see me again on a date. In front of everyone.

Balls of steel on this guy. I wasn't attracted but I could certainly respect the bravery that it took (I had approached my ex in a similar way on the bus).

Gave him my number. Lost my phone earlier this week though so don't know if he called rofl.


----------



## gunner21

^ you're telling me cold approaching actually works?


----------



## Jesuszilla

gunner21 said:


> ^ you're telling me cold approaching actually works?


It doesn't too often. Which is why I'm always glad to hear of someone having some success cold approaching. Like she said balls of steel. Not easy to do at all.


----------



## inane

It wasn't really cold approaching... We were in what we call an "anti-cafe", or a public social house. I have pictures on my blog. We played a game of chess together and once our game ended, he asked.

I wasn't attracted to him though. I simply respected his boldness because I'm tired of the p-ssyfooting nowadays.

My current primary interest is on my Russian classmate... Who just smiled as he walked by me. *dreamily sighs*


----------



## veron

inane said:


> Gave him my number. Lost my phone earlier this week though so don't know if he called rofl.


Poor guy :lol


----------



## inane

veron said:


> Poor guy :lol


I hope he doesn't persist, I found him brave but annoying.

I have a third date with that guy from OKCupid tonight. I don't like him either and don't want to go, but I've already cancelled once. I wish HE would cancel.


----------



## inane

Edit: Bah never mind, I'm an a-shole. I'm going to enjoy my Friday night with a delicious Bellini and pretend my date does not have a British accent. The alcohol might help.


----------



## jsgt

Well, this thread certainly has taken a turn for the worse. Jeez, no wonder guys are so hesitant to initiate things with women. Inane...wow, please please stay in Canada and never come down here. :no


----------



## gunner21

I feel like I missed the action.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

jsgt said:


> Well, this thread certainly has taken a turn for the worse. Jeez, no wonder guys are so hesitant to initiate things with women. Inane...wow, please please stay in Canada and never come down here. :no


I'm pretty horrified reading through it.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> I hope he doesn't persist, I found him brave but annoying.
> 
> *I have a third date with that guy from OKCupid tonight. I don't like him either and don't want to go*, but I've already cancelled once. I wish HE would cancel.


This makes no sense, unless you're looking to get a free meal.


----------



## inane

McFly said:


> This makes no sense, unless you're looking to get a free meal.


Sigh never mind.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> Sigh never mind.


My mistake, I went back and saw that you don't let the guys pay for your meals. I still don't get why you'd go on a date with someone you don't like and don't even want to date.


----------



## inane

jsgt said:


> Well, this thread certainly has taken a turn for the worse. Jeez, no wonder guys are so hesitant to initiate things with women. Inane...wow, please please stay in Canada and never come down here. :no


Hm I was annoyed at first but you guys are making me think. Dating _has _made me a meaner and more judgmental person.

Can you explain, from a male perspective, what it is about my dating habits that are bad? I guess I can see if I don't want to date someone, I should make it clear from the beginning rather than disrespect the guy by reluctantly giving it a chance.

I was hoping _I_ would be the one rejected though, because telling someone you don't feel a connection with them is really awkward (yes that happened tonight on my final date with this guy). I'm actually pretty hardy when it comes to rejection but being on the other end is weird.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Hm I was annoyed at first but you guys are making me think. Dating _has _made me a meaner and more judgmental person.
> 
> Can you explain, from a male perspective, what it is about my dating habits that are bad? I guess I can see if I don't want to date someone, I should make it clear from the beginning rather than disrespect the guy by reluctantly giving it a chance.
> 
> I was hoping _I_ would be the one rejected though, because telling someone you don't feel a connection with them is really awkward (yes that happened tonight on my final date with this guy). I'm actually pretty hardy when it comes to rejection but being on the other end is weird.


What did you say? I'm so lost here.


----------



## inane

McFly said:


> My mistake, I went back and saw that you don't let the guys pay for your meals. I still don't get why you'd go on a date with someone you don't like and don't even want to date.


Hey I'm sorry, I was rude in my original reply. I'm just REALLY getting sick of being accused of using men for free meals and money. I am not like that and I never use people- If I'm on a date, it's because I'm interested in getting to know the guy as a person.

I went on the date because I wasn't 100% sure I didn't like him- a couple dates isn't enough to go on sometimes. Like I said, the man I went out with tonight was very gentlemanly, intelligent, gracious, and kind to me, offering to pay and drive me home even after I let him down. I do find him handsome, but sometimes the connection isn't there and I could say that with conviction after a third date.

As for the guy who asked me out after our chess game, I didn't want to turn him down while everyone was watching and listening- And I respected his bravery. I didn't like him that way though and I shouldn't feel guilty for that- I don't have to like everyone, and not everyone has to like me.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> What did you say? I'm so lost here.


Just what's here. I deleted my reply to @McFly that consisted of me detailing my date tonight, that my dates never have to pay for me... and that I wouldn't waste time defending myself against butthurt men on SAS.

_And yet here I am_, wasting time defending myself against you guys once again ROFL. Not that you're butthurt, I'm just mean (and aggravated).

But I thought about it, and if I'm upsetting people it means I should reflect on how I'm behaving and amend it. So hoping for a reply from the user I quoted.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Just what's here. I deleted my reply to @McFly that consisted of me detailing my date tonight, that my dates never have to pay for me... and that I wouldn't waste time defending myself against butthurt men on SAS.
> 
> _And yet here I am_, wasting time defending myself against you guys once again ROFL. Not that you're butthurt, I'm just mean (and aggravated).
> 
> But I thought about it, and if I'm upsetting people it means I should reflect on how I'm behaving and amend it. So hoping for a reply from the user I quoted.


Well, I just asked because I didn't see anything on the last page that warranted that sort of reaction.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> Hm I was annoyed at first but you guys are making me think. Dating _has _made me a meaner and more judgmental person.
> 
> Can you explain, from a male perspective, what it is about my dating habits that are bad? I guess I can see if I don't want to date someone, I should make it clear from the beginning rather than disrespect the guy by reluctantly giving it a chance.
> 
> I was hoping _I_ would be the one rejected though, because telling someone you don't feel a connection with them is really awkward (yes that happened tonight on my final date with this guy). I'm actually pretty hardy when it comes to rejection but being on the other end is weird.


I didn't mean to annoy you. From your posts, you seem like a straightforward person, so I thought my post would be understood in the same manner.

Men are assumed to be tough, rugged, able to withstand much, ect...and I think some women figure they don't have to be so gentle because "men can handle it". Contrary to popular belief, we feel the same emotions that women do. Maybe not to the same degree...but we feel them. It's frustrating to be led on, to be lied to, and to be shown disrespect. I know you want to be careful to not hurt the guys feelings, but the way you're doing it is counterproductive. It's not fun to tell someone you're not interested in them, but you should respect the other person enough to tell them without leading them on.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Well, I just asked because I didn't see anything on the last page that warranted that sort of reaction.


Well I assumed it was because I called one of the guys who asked me out "annoying", and because I was so reluctant to go on a date with the other one.

It made me think I _should _be more respectful, even if they'll never know I thought or said this about them. I mean dating is pretty scary and hurtful- I should have empathy. I have experienced some harsh rejection and unkind words that left me crying everyday for months on end so I'm actually toughened against it, but I forget not everyone is as experienced.

Women are nice, guys! And even if we're not, you're tough enough to move past it- as we all do


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> I have experienced some harsh rejection and unkind words that left me crying everyday for months on end so I'm actually toughened against it, but I forget not everyone is as experienced.
> 
> Women are nice, guys! And even if we're not, you're tough enough to move past it- as we all do


You forget most of the guys on here haven't gone on a date for years, and reading a lot of this reminds them of all the fears and doubts and makes them just want to give up on dating altogether.


----------



## inane

jsgt said:


> I didn't mean to annoy you. From your posts, you seem like a straightforward person, so I thought my post would be understood in the same manner.
> 
> Men are assumed to be tough, rugged, able to withstand much, ect...and I think some women figure they don't have to be so gentle because "men can handle it". Contrary to popular belief, we feel the same emotions that women do. Maybe not to the same degree...but we feel them. It's frustrating to be led on, to be lied to, and to be shown disrespect. I know you want to be careful to not hurt the guys feelings, but the way you're doing it is counterproductive. It's not fun to tell someone you're not interested in them, but you should respect the other person enough to tell them without leading them on.


That's fair, thanks. I didn't think 2-3 dates is leading someone on though- you're still feeling them out. But I see what you're saying.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Well I assumed it was because I called one of the guys who asked me out "annoying", and because I was so reluctant to go on a date with the other one.
> 
> It made me think I _should _be more respectful, even if they'll never know I thought or said this about them. I mean dating is pretty scary and hurtful- I should have empathy. I have experienced some harsh rejection and unkind words that left me crying everyday for months on end so I'm actually toughened against it, but I forget not everyone is as experienced.
> 
> Women are nice, guys! And even if we're not, you're tough enough to move past it- as we all do


That's it? With the type of comments you got got, I thought you murdered someone or something.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> Women are nice, guys! And even if we're not, you're tough enough to move past it- as we all do


Despite everything that happens between us(men&women), I still have a lot of love for ya'll. :squeeze I'm sure many other guys feel the same way.


----------



## inane

knightofdespair said:


> You forget most of the guys on here haven't gone on a date for years, and reading a lot of this reminds them of all the fears and doubts and makes them just want to give up on dating altogether.


Yeah yeah I'm sorry. I've been rejected harshly and often, so I'm hardened against shame in dating now lol. I'm sure men I've gone out with have thought I was a loser, unattractive, or had a bad personality, so I'm more candid now to the point where I can see is disrespectful and cruel.

*Here's a story! A guy once left me on his couch half-naked to go text with another girl he liked more. He would rather text with another girl... than to be with me, who was physically there and willing to get naked. I left nearly in tears. *There, feel better? lol. Trust me, you learn to laugh about it! All part of the circus.


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> That's fair, thanks. I didn't think 2-3 dates is leading someone on though- you're still feeling them out. But I see what you're saying.


The guys on here are the guys who get consistently rejected or passed over, if they can even get those 1-3 dates. I know someone that has a lot of the same views as you though in real life, who is a good person. I don't blame you or think you're using anybody, but when almost everyone on here is lonely and fed up it hits a sore spot sometimes.

I had a different background and long long relationship but being forced alone again in my 30s sucks, I'm 90% of the way towards convincing myself to just give up and live alone forever.


----------



## knightofdespair

inane said:


> *Here's a story! A guy once left me on his couch half-naked to go text with another girl he liked more. He would rather text with another girl... than to be with me, who was physically there and willing to get naked. I left nearly in tears. *There, feel better? lol. Trust me, you learn to laugh about it! All part of the circus.


Ha, what an ***...


----------



## gunner21

knightofdespair said:


> The guys on here are the guys who get consistently rejected or passed over, if they can even get those 1-3 dates. I know someone that has a lot of the same views as you though in real life, who is a good person. I don't blame you or think you're using anybody, but when almost everyone on here is lonely and fed up it hits a sore spot sometimes.
> 
> I had a different background and long long relationship but being forced alone again in my 30s sucks, I'm 90% of the way towards convincing myself to just give up and live alone forever.


A girl stood me up....twice....same girl. The she started playing victim when I said that standing me up was a ****ty thing to do.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

knightofdespair said:


> You forget most of the guys on here haven't gone on a date for years, and reading a lot of this reminds them of all the fears and doubts and makes them just want to give up on dating altogether.


Don't read it then? What is with you guys, this is a thread for people who are into dating men and everytime I come in here for some reason half the posts in here are always a bunch of straight men - Often moaning.

I'm sorry but you don't see tons of straight women storming into the 'what are you doing to get a girl thread' and being like this...


----------



## knightofdespair

gunner21 said:


> A girl stood me up....twice....same girl. The she started playing victim when I said that standing me up was a ****ty thing to do.


I don't think I could give anybody a second chance after something like that. I'd assume them doing it once meant it didn't matter and wasn't worth my dignity and efforts to keep on trying.


----------



## knightofdespair

Persephone The Dread said:


> Don't read it then? What is with you guys, this is a thread for people who are into dating men and everytime I come in here for some reason half the posts in here are always a bunch of straight men - Often moaning.
> 
> I'm sorry but you don't see tons of straight women storming into the 'what are you doing to get a girl thread' and being like this...


I didn't say it bothered me, just in a general sense. I agree with you that you can say whatever you guys want in here, just pointing out why some guys might get upset. Me, I'm more just emotionally worn out and empty these days. I read this one sometimes to see if anything good comes up that gives us distinguished folks in our 30s anything to hope for or consider that we haven't seen before.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> Hey I'm sorry, I was rude in my original reply. I'm just REALLY getting sick of being accused of using men for free meals and money. I am not like that and I never use people- If I'm on a date, it's because I'm interested in getting to know the guy as a person.
> 
> I went on the date because I wasn't 100% sure I didn't like him- a couple dates isn't enough to go on sometimes. Like I said, the man I went out with tonight was very gentlemanly, intelligent, gracious, and kind to me, offering to pay and drive me home even after I let him down. I do find him handsome, but sometimes the connection isn't there and I could say that with conviction after a third date.
> 
> As for the guy who asked me out after our chess game, I didn't want to turn him down while everyone was watching and listening- And I respected his bravery. I didn't like him that way though and I shouldn't feel guilty for that- I don't have to like everyone, and not everyone has to like me.


No problems. Guys get frustrated at being meal tickets for women that have no intention of going anywhere with the guy. So we tend to be on the lookout for that behavior.

Depending on the guy we'd rather be let down, than led on and be the ones to make a decision on whether to proceed with the girl. I'd prefer a woman to reject me, even in front of others (which has happened) than she go along just to be nice. A lot of women also go along with a guy asking them out to not have to deal with one that takes rejection negatively.

Honesty goes a long way even if neither parties get what they want. So keep meeting up with guys and don't be afraid to let him know the type you're interested in, or to end things when you feel there is no future.


----------



## inane

McFly said:


> No problems. Guys get frustrated at being meal tickets for women that have no intention of going anywhere with the guy. So we tend to be on the lookout for that behavior.
> 
> Depending on the guy we'd rather be let down, than led on and be the ones to make a decision on whether to proceed with the girl. I'd prefer a woman to reject me, even in front of others (which has happened) than she go along just to be nice. A lot of women also go along with a guy asking them out to not have to deal with one that takes rejection negatively.
> 
> Honesty goes a long way even if neither parties get what they want. So keep meeting up with guys and don't be afraid to let him know the type you're interested in, or to end things when you feel there is no future.


I stand by my opinion that 3 dates isn't leading someone on by any stretch. You really are just feeling someone out by that point, especially since the first date was likely just an hour or two having coffee. My date tonight said he appreciated it, and I'm glad to have spent the time with him as well.

To clarify, I did in fact end it tonight. He asked me to give it another chance, and I turned it down because I knew with 100% conviction I wasn't into him- the conviction I didn't have after the second date.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> I stand by my opinion that 3 dates isn't leading someone on by any stretch. You really are just feeling someone out by that point, especially since the first date was likely just an hour or two having coffee. My date tonight said he appreciated it, and I'm glad to have spent the time with him as well.
> 
> To clarify, I did in fact end it tonight. He asked me to give it another chance, and I turned it down because I knew with 100% conviction I wasn't into him- the conviction I didn't have after the second date.


Was mostly referring to the chess guy my last post, I shoulda mentioned that. That fine that you wanted to get a feel for the other guy before moving on. It just was a bit confusing the way you worded it earlier, it sounded like he repulsed you.


----------



## tehuti88

knightofdespair said:


> I read this one sometimes to see if anything good comes up that gives us distinguished folks in our 30s anything to hope for or consider that we haven't seen before.


When we more openminded women post to give guys such hope in other threads (particularly "Women, would you/wouldn't you...?"-type threads that are directly aimed at women), we're almost always ignored, are told we don't count since we're such a minority and/or don't represent "normal" women, or are outright accused of being liars.

So I don't understand how this thread could give you hope that any other thread about women's relationship experiences couldn't.


----------



## SilentLyric

two days without seeing my crush is painful. but so is not knowing.

going to talk to him monday, maybe ask him out? and potentially out myself in front of another coworker? maybe just talk to him. ill do that at the very least. maybe ill get my magical alone monent with him at some point. but i want to talk to him more. the few times he came up to me and started a conversation I really appreciated and loved.

edit: you now what ya. I need to be talking to him more. I want to be comfortable talking in front of him, just be in the moment when I'm with him and stop feeling anxious because other people are around. I talk to other coworkers all the time, I just have to look at it like that. this is no big deal. and if there's a perfect moment when we're alone and I can ask him out, great. but I'll keep talking to him in the mean time.


----------



## inane

knightofdespair said:


> I didn't say it bothered me, just in a general sense. I agree with you that you can say whatever you guys want in here, just pointing out why some guys might get upset. Me, I'm more just emotionally worn out and empty these days. I read this one sometimes to see if anything good comes up that gives us distinguished folks in our 30s anything to hope for or consider that we haven't seen before.


I mostly date men in their early to mid thirties, and I have to say, the disgruntled 30s demographic seems like the minority. When you're in your thirties, the lows just don't feel as low because you've been through the rodeo once or twice or five times already. You know who you are, you're distinguished as you say, you know what you want, you've traveled the world, you've experienced life, you've experienced all the growing pains and sh-t.

Men and women in their 30s are some of the most content people I've seen- nothing like us in our twenties. I can't wait till I'm 30. I've mentioned my observations to my dates and they've agreed.

I'd say it could be anxiety or depression related issues in your case, as is typical for this site. Life peaks in thirties, not twenties IMO. Keep an open heart.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Persephone The Dread said:


> I'm sorry but you don't see tons of straight women storming into the 'what are you doing to get a girl thread' and being like this...


They have no reason to, there's nothing in that thread that's as offensive or depressing to read as what's going on in here. It's mostly just men who actually want to date women trying to discuss ways to do so. There are plenty of women who pop into other dating threads by guys just to be rude because the guys didn't use careful enough language to express their frustration.


----------



## inane

Wings of Amnesty said:


> They have no reason to, there's nothing in that thread that's as offensive or depressing to read as what's going on in here. It's mostly just men who actually want to date women trying to discuss ways to do so. There are plenty of women who pop into other dating threads by guys just to be rude because the guys didn't use careful enough language to express their frustration.


I think you should stop coming to this thread. It seems to be perpetuating bitterness for you.


----------



## veron

Well, I continued talking to that guy online whom I wasn't too interested in, to learn more about him. I think that I'd have to meet him in person to see whether there's any chemistry or not. Unfortunately, he's like most men I've talked on online - seemingly happy to message back and forth into eternity. We've talked for days now, established that we have things in common, and there's no mention of us meeting.

My work colleague has checked out my profile today (thankfully I don't have a photo of my face on there, so he probably didn't recognize me, lol). He's had a girlfriend for months, and they recently started living together. Online, however, he's "single." Just reminds me of how many liars there are out there :/


----------



## inane

My ex-FWB texted me today, telling me he missed me. Seemed lonely. He suggested we go back to seeing each other like we were doing before.

I miss him, his wit and humour and body, but I think it just prolongs the moving-on process for me. I had to say no.

I am telling you that is not easy. I am still very attracted to him. Sexy jerk.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

I just shoveled so much snow while it was windy and blowing. My beard was white from the blizzard, and I sweat despite the temperature from the exertion. Real manly stuff. That doing anything for you ladies?


----------



## M0rbid

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I just shoveled so much snow while it was windy and blowing. My beard was white from the blizzard, and I sweat despite the temperature from the exertion. Real manly stuff. That doing anything for you ladies?


bahhahahahha


----------



## knightofdespair

tehuti88 said:


> When we more openminded women post to give guys such hope in other threads (particularly "Women, would you/wouldn't you...?"-type threads that are directly aimed at women), we're almost always ignored, are told we don't count since we're such a minority and/or don't represent "normal" women, or are outright accused of being liars.
> 
> So I don't understand how this thread could give you hope that any other thread about women's relationship experiences couldn't.


Meh those other 'Would you' threads are always stupid. This one is pretty unstructured and when Cali was around even more entertaining.


----------



## McFly

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I just shoveled so much snow while it was windy and blowing. My beard was white from the blizzard, and I sweat despite the temperature from the exertion. Real manly stuff. That doing anything for you ladies?


Maybe not for them, but my boxers are dripping wet right now from the hot passion.


----------



## knightofdespair

McFly said:


> Maybe not for them, but my boxers are dripping wet right now from the hot passion.


Gross lol


----------



## inane

I went by his condo on my way to a Meetup last night.

I feel like caving. I do miss him.


----------



## k_wifler

> What are you doing to get a boy?


Isn't there a procedure they can do now to check the genes of the embryo before implantation?
Just ask them to only implant embryos with X and Y chromosomes.


----------



## wildmustangshadowfax

Had a boyfriend since I was a teenager. We broke up last spring... both guys I've had feelings for since then I've actually managed to talk to. Told one I liked him. We went through a brief FWB thing, but he wasn't interested. The other guy I didn't even manage to get to hang out with me on a friendly level outside of the gym I know him from. So. Discouraged. No one ever talks about girls being friend-zoned.


----------



## inane

I went to another Meetup tonight, and had an enlightening conversation with one of the other attendees. It was a large gala dinner so we had a long evening to talk, so I told him about my guy situation.

What he told me was basically this: "Don't live life half-way." Even if I end up falling in love and getting my heart broken, so what? Isn't that life?

I texted my ex-FWB to Netflix and Chill next week. His reply was "yes yes yes" :b 

Well, it would feel good to touch his body and hear his voice again!


----------



## tehuti88

k_wifler said:


> Isn't there a procedure they can do now to check the genes of the embryo before implantation?
> Just ask them to only implant embryos with X and Y chromosomes.


:lol

See, everyone here has been doing it all wrong.


----------



## SilentLyric

inane said:


> I went to another Meetup tonight, and had an enlightening conversation with one of the other attendees. It was a large gala dinner so we had a long evening to talk, so I told him about my guy situation.
> 
> What he told me was basically this: "Don't live life half-way." Even if I end up falling in love and getting my heart broken, so what? Isn't that life?
> 
> I texted my ex-FWB to Netflix and Chill next week. His reply was "yes yes yes" :b
> 
> Well, it would feel good to touch his body and hear his voice again!


if we don't have a netflix subscription, can you use another video substitute? I think I would rather anime and chill or youtube and chill...:wink2:


----------



## inane

SilentLyric said:


> if we don't have a netflix subscription, can you use another video substitute? I think I would rather anime and chill or youtube and chill...:wink2:


If you can get me hot and bothered like my FWB can, you can put on annnnything you want on the screen.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> What he told me was basically this: "Don't live life half-way." Even if I end up falling in love and getting my heart broken, so what? Isn't that life?


Smart friend


----------



## veron

The guy I've been talking to online said he's going away for a few weeks. He gave me his Facebook to keep in touch. I told him I don't do social networking. I was pretty sure I'd never hear from him again (because that makes me a freak, right? lol), but he actually wrote back and gave me his email address, saying that if I want to remain in touch with him, I can do so via that. Now I'm confused. We've been chatting through the dating site, so why not continue on there? He didn't shut down his profile or anything. I'm not sure if I should respond to him via the dating site or his email...

Also, there's one thing that slightly bothered me when I looked at his profile. He said "yes, some" to the question about whether you want to receive pain during the act. I'm envisioning a woman dressed in leather who's whipping some poor guy who is gagged and tied to a bed. D+S is sooo not my thing, haha. What else could this mean? How does one give another... pain? :um


----------



## inane

veron said:


> Smart friend


Haha well not a friend, just someone I met yesterday at a Meetup.


----------



## pied vert

wildmustangshadowfax said:


> Had a boyfriend since I was a teenager. We broke up last spring... both guys I've had feelings for since then I've actually managed to talk to. Told one I liked him. We went through a brief FWB thing, but he wasn't interested. The other guy I didn't even manage to get to hang out with me on a friendly level outside of the gym I know him from. So. Discouraged. No one ever talks about girls being friend-zoned.


first of all, I'm very impressed with how you broke up with this long-term bf and seemed to get over it in such a healthy way. you don't sound beat up about it (no bitter feedback right after the mention of it), and you were able to crush on other people, and even have the courage to tell them about it. That doesn't happen to a lot of people, because they can't. They can't get over people, or they think they'll never be able to be with someone cause they were with someone else so long, or they don't value themselves enough to try to be a go-getter in relationships. But you did all of that!
I'm only mentioning all of this because I have been trying very hard lately to do all of the things you seem to be describing, and it's a challenge. 
I'm not trying to tell you that your situation is pleasant, but I am saying that the way you've handled it emotionally is mature and laudable. 
There is a guy I have known for a couple months now who I am trying this "FWB" thing with. I rage about him, I'll convince myself to ignore him and never talk to him again or so help me god, and then he sends me a little text and I cave. It's so bad he never even finds out that I intend never to talk to him again. He sent me a text today after this has been going on a week, and I immediately just started cooing and stared at a photo of him listening to a song with the lyrics: "..nothing can compaaaaaaare to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for meeeeeeee". 
It is so dumb because I was a master at not caring about him before. He was the one who had to chase me down to get to talk to me, and he was so into it. Now, I know he's not interested in me. 
what do I even do....

Anyway, point is: happens to other people too, and I think you're doing the best anyone can do. Keep your heart open (but not too open).
g'luck


----------



## wildmustangshadowfax

inane said:


> Haha well not a friend, just someone I met yesterday at a Meetup.


With advice like that maybe he should be a friend.

I wish I could just let things go enough to enjoy moments in life.


----------



## inane

wildmustangshadowfax said:


> With advice like that maybe he should be a friend.
> 
> I wish I could just let things go enough to enjoy moments in life.


He did ask for my Facebook, which I don't have, and other ways to keep in touch. Then asked if he could kiss me on the cheeks before I left (which is normal here in French Canada, so he wasn't coming onto me or anything). Super nice guy and I would have liked to get to know him, but he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to make things weird.

Men and women can just be friends, yadda yadda, but it's better to be safe than sorry at my age.

Another man at the event did message me through the site after to ask if I was single, but he was too old for me. I told him I was seeing someone... which isn't a lie anymore, technically.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> He did ask for my Facebook, which I don't have, and other ways to keep in touch. Then asked if he could kiss me on the cheeks before I left (which is normal here in French Canada, so he wasn't coming onto me or anything). Super nice guy and I would have liked to get to know him, but he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to make things weird.
> 
> Men and women can just be friends, yadda yadda, but it's better to be safe than sorry at my age.
> 
> Another man at the event did message me through the site after to ask if I was single, but he was too old for me. I told him I was seeing someone... which isn't a lie anymore, technically.


Which meetup did you go to?

I went to one, but everyone was too old.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Which meetup did you go to?
> 
> I went to one, but everyone was too old.


It was a gala with 300 people. I'm part of a lot of Meetup groups- I try to stick to ones with people from the 20s-30s age range though. I enjoy spending time with older people but it's massively nasty when they hit on me. This guy looked like he was in his late 40s.


----------



## Rixy

gunner21 said:


> Which meetup did you go to?
> 
> I went to one, but everyone was too old.


Same, sometimes it's hard to find the right group. I keep meaning to try and get back into it but it just depresses me too much sometimes.

Good to hear it's working for inane though :grin2:


----------



## inane

Thanks guys. Although I had to report and block someone for the first time on that site- My FWB said it's a dating site in sheep's clothing and I disagreed at first, but now I can see what he meant.

Speaking of him, we had a long text conversation today. For the weekend, I invited him to be my +1 for an orchestra Friday night, and we're going to Netflix and Chill the new season of _Suits _on Sunday. It'll be like a month since I last saw him.


----------



## inane

Sitting in class and feeling horny.

I could really use his body right now


----------



## pied vert

veron said:


> Also, there's one thing that slightly bothered me when I looked at his profile. He said "yes, some" to the question about whether you want to receive pain during the act. I'm envisioning a woman dressed in leather who's whipping some poor guy who is gagged and tied to a bed. D+S is sooo not my thing, haha. What else could this mean? How does one give another... pain? :um


look, everyone will have a few qualities that you never expected from them, and maybe didn't want. If it ever becomes serious enough to meet up with him (which is the only time it would relevant), then you can ask him before/during about whether or not "some pain" is a requirement for him to enjoy it. Otherwise, it may just be a thing he's interested in and doesn't need if he otherwise is happy with you.
It makes things easy when you try to think of people as people like yourself. If you were into something you knew was not for everyone, and the guy you really really liked was not, wouldn't you try to be open-minded, experiment in finding some equilibrium?
Yeah, lots of people are not like you, or kinda screwed up in certain ways, but I've found that most people are scrutable. If he hasn't yet/doesn't in the future appear to be some fetishy freak, then he is probably not putting on any airs and is who he says he is, which is, at the bottom line, someone you like, and probably someone who values your feelings.


----------



## veron

^Thanks for your input. Yeah, it's not a dealbreaker at this moment, it just got me thinking. I probably won't bring up anything about sex until (and if) we have it. 

This guy has really piqued my curiosity. He gave me his full name - mistake! - and I actually found a Youtube video of him giving a presentation. The first sentence on his profile stated that he's confident, so I was expecting to see a confident presenter. Oh, was I wrong! He seemed really nervous. I would even describe him as "mousy", haha. I wonder if he just has a fear of public speaking, or if he's generally shy like that. 

It kind of sucks that he's travelling right now, because it put off our potential meeting for weeks :/


----------



## inane

I saw my FWB the first time in weeks last night, just for a classical music concert. He's absurdly gorgeous. My reaction upon seeing him is always "wow". We sat and chatted a bit to catch up on the past month, then he held my hand during the concert... I left pretty hastily afterwards though.

I don't think I'll do the Netflix and Chill thing tomorrow evening after all. I told him that the FWB thing doesn't usually end well long-term. Sometimes I almost feel like I could love him, and that is a massive HELL NO at this point in my life.

He responded that it was his fault by holding my hand and making things "confusing" and "awkward", that he's very attracted to me too and appreciates me, and hopes we'll still see each other.

As tempting as the carnal urges are, I'm leaning towards having self-control this time around. I had my heart crushed not that long ago.

Yes, I know what the guy at Meetup said- not to live life half-way. But honestly I've been a lot happier this past month, even without him. I'll be okay.


----------



## CaptainPeanuts




----------



## gunner21

Stilla said:


> Okay so I was going to meet up with a guy today, very spontaneous haven't really talked much. Says he wants to take me out for coffee "in a secret location only people from this city knows about". He gives me his number, I look it up and a completely different name shows up than he gives me and it says he's a year younger than what he told me. I searched for the name that showed up and no pics or facebook turned up that looked like him. Weirdest situation so far.


That's pretty weird. Maybe he gave you a nickname? BTW you can search people's names by their phone numbers?


----------



## Stilla

^ Yes at least here. Even if you just give out your full name people can look up your phone number, address and birthday. That's why I'm always a bit wary giving it out to people I don't really know. :afr


----------



## pied vert

realizing which avenues will just never go anywhere...


----------



## knightofdespair

This whole thread is weird.. Any woman I ever see worth dating already has a boyfriend if not multiple. I see women everywhere I go, and I highly doubt the best way to meet is just to go up to them as a stranger and ask them out. I'm genuinely curious what exactly any woman on here has ever done to 'get a boy', at least around here I've never seen a woman doing a damn thing to get one.


----------



## pied vert

knightofdespair said:


> This whole thread is weird.. Any woman I ever see worth dating already has a boyfriend if not multiple. I see women everywhere I go, and I highly doubt the best way to meet is just to go up to them as a stranger and ask them out. I'm genuinely curious what exactly any woman on here has ever done to 'get a boy', at least around here I've never seen a woman doing a damn thing to get one.


I think our solution of choice is usually to put ourselves in situations where we happen to meet guys. We don't commonly cold approach, not necessarily because we feel like that is the job of the guy (even though unfortunately this is true for lots of women), but because we haven't grown up with that kind of pressure and therefore we just don't have the guts.
People don't generally know what they're capable of until they're forced to test themselves. Guys, whether or not they naturally have the guts (social anxiety) are forced to do it if they ever want a shot at it. So they develop some kind of guts. Girls not only have the absence of that type of pressure but it is culturally a bad thing for girls to take initiative. We are gutless. Scared little ducklings. We do what any human being (guy or girl) would do if they had zero experience in this sort of thing - let other people do the hard work.

So what I'm saying is that it's not a moral decision (do I approach/wait to be approached?), but we just don't know how else to do it. Even non-SA girls (I've talked to plenty) cave faced with that kind of rejection potential. 
So to answer your question, we put ourselves in positions to make it easier for guys to ask us out.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

knightofdespair said:


> This whole thread is weird.. Any woman I ever see worth dating already has a boyfriend if not multiple. I see women everywhere I go, and I highly doubt the best way to meet is just to go up to them as a stranger and ask them out. I'm genuinely curious what exactly any woman on here has ever done to 'get a boy', at least around here I've never seen a woman doing a damn thing to get one.


That's nice.

So anyway.. What are you doing to get a boy?

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-girl-186863/index376.html


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

I wonder if I could get a guy.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I wonder if I could get a guy.


For sex? I should think so (assuming they aren't straight and you're not fussy)


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Persephone The Dread said:


> For sex? I should think so.


I dunno, they'd probably expect anal.



Persephone The Dread said:


> (assuming they aren't straight and you're not fussy)


If I was gonna blow a guy I'd want him to look really pretty.


----------



## inane

Me and FWB ended things for good last weekend, on my word. I was definitely starting to develop feelings for him, and he acknowledged that dating wouldn't work between us (which I already knew).

I would have liked to continue seeing him but once it started to _hurt _when he talked about other women... is when I knew I should probably stop. It didn't at first, and just started gradually.

Otherwise, I've been getting hit on right left and centre at Meetups I attend, mostly by men I would never, ever consider dating or seeing even on a casual basis. I wonder what goes through a man's head when he decides to come onto a much younger woman. Like, really? Seriously? LOL. I don't care if your suit pockets are lined with gold, I am not attracted to men twice my age.

Oh right, what I'm doing to get a guy. Not much. I don't want to date or see anyone anymore, as all it does is make me feel bad. I've been considering asking out my cute Russian classmate (who's my age ), but it's way too risky since we would continue having classes together until the end of the year.


----------



## knightofdespair

Persephone The Dread said:


> That's nice.
> 
> So anyway.. What are you doing to get a boy?
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f40/what-are-you-doing-to-get-a-girl-186863/index376.html


After years of being alone I'm reluctantly being forced to realize I'm going to have to go out there, and genuinely wondering why this thread is so many pages when 95% of what women do to 'get a boy' is stand around in public.


----------



## truant

knightofdespair said:


> Any woman I ever see worth dating already has a boyfriend


There's the slap in the face I needed to wake me up in the morning. Are you sure you didn't mean: "every hot woman I see already has a boyfriend"? There are lots of women of good character who don't have a bf.



knightofdespair said:


> After years of being alone I'm reluctantly being forced to realize I'm going to have to go out there, and genuinely wondering why this thread is so many pages when 95% of what women do to 'get a boy' is stand around in public.


I've spent most of my life working on my personality since I know my body's a bust. I'm smart, talented, highly creative, empathetic, hard-working, and interesting. All products of my effort to make myself "worthwhile" in spite of my physical limitations. I spend hours every day working on myself. What do you do?

Women also shave, pluck, moisturize, diet, exercise, and spend a ton of time and money on makeup and clothing so that they'll look "worthwhile" to men. They also spend a lot of time analyzing the long-term potential of prospective relationships to nip compatibility issues in the bud, which is to the benefit of both genders.

As far as I can tell, men spend most of their time masturbating, trying to come up with pickup lines, and complaining about how picky women are.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

truant said:


> They also spend a lot of time analyzing the long-term potential of prospective relationships to nip compatibility issues in the bud, which is to the benefit of both genders.


LOL 
women certainly are picky, but they aren't exactly being picky about things that actually matter for relationships or paying attention to compatibility.


----------



## McFly

truant said:


> I've spent most of my life working on my personality since I know my body's a bust. I'm smart, talented, highly creative, empathetic, hard-working, and interesting. All products of my effort to make myself "worthwhile" in spite of my physical limitations. I spend hours every day working on myself. What do you do?
> 
> Women also shave, pluck, moisturize, diet, exercise, and spend a ton of time and money on makeup and clothing so that they'll look "worthwhile" to men. They also spend a lot of time analyzing the long-term potential of prospective relationships to nip compatibility issues in the bud, which is to the benefit of both genders.
> 
> As far as I can tell, men spend most of their time masturbating, trying to come up with pickup lines, and complaining about how picky women are.


I always thought women enjoyed makeup and primping and making themselves look nice. Girly stuff. Can't be as bad as being a guy and risking joint injuries to look muscular and having to drink protein shakes that taste like sweaty ***.


----------



## AussiePea

McFly said:


> I always thought women enjoyed makeup and primping and making themselves look nice. Girly stuff. Can't be as bad as being a guy and risking joint injuries to look muscular and having to drink protein shakes that taste like sweaty ***.


Being a Michelin man is viewed as far less important to woman though, I mean the vast majority of men in relationships never even visit the gym.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

McFly said:


> I always thought women enjoyed makeup and primping and making themselves look nice. Girly stuff. Can't be as bad as being a guy and risking joint injuries to look muscular and having to drink protein shakes that taste like sweaty ***.


Some women enjoy it, lots of women don't and do it for men, or do more than they want to to compete with other women/attract men. As for removing body hair, let's be honest, the vast majority of women are not removing their body hair because they really want to.


----------



## truant

Wings of Amnesty said:


> LOL
> women certainly are picky, but they aren't exactly being picky about things that actually matter for relationships or paying attention to compatibility.


I concede that some women are as bad as men -- who don't care at all in the slightest about a woman's character -- but most women aren't like that anywhere but in the distorted fantasies of red pillers.

I never understood why men always hold women up to some impossibly high moral standard regarding mate selection when they themselves literally couldn't care less about who they bang. Hot = good. There's male selection strategy for you. Men are completely amoral when it comes to selecting partners. The only thing they care about is whether or not she's had "too many cooks in the kitchen", and that seems primarily because they're insecure.



McFly said:


> I always thought women enjoyed makeup and primping and making themselves look nice. Girly stuff. Can't be as bad as being a guy and risking joint injuries to look muscular and having to drink protein shakes that taste like sweaty ***.


Then you need to talk to more women. Also, a very large number of women practically starve themselves to stay thin. It's not exactly a treat denying yourself anything that isn't a vegetable. I'd love to be able to eat a meal without obsessing over how many calories it has or eat more than half a dozen chips when I want to treat myself.


----------



## SilkyJay

knightofdespair said:


> This whole thread is weird.. Any woman I ever see worth dating already has a boyfriend if not multiple. I see women everywhere I go, and I highly doubt the best way to meet is just to go up to them as a stranger and ask them out. I'm genuinely curious what exactly any woman on here has ever done to 'get a boy', at least around here I've never seen a woman doing a damn thing to get one.


hahaha. Tell it like it is sir!


----------



## SilkyJay

truant said:


> I concede that some women are as bad as men -- who don't care at all in the slightest about a woman's character -- but most women aren't like that anywhere but in the distorted fantasies of red pillers.
> 
> I never understood why men always hold women up to some impossibly high moral standard regarding mate selection when they themselves literally couldn't care less about who they bang. Hot = good. There's male selection strategy for you. Men are completely amoral when it comes to selecting partners.* The only thing they care about is whether or not she's had "too many cooks in the kitchen", and that seems primarily because they're insecure.
> *
> 
> Then you need to talk to more women. Also, a very large number of women practically starve themselves to stay thin. It's not exactly a treat denying yourself anything that isn't a vegetable. I'd love to be able to eat a meal without obsessing over how many calories it has or eat more than half a dozen chips when I want to treat myself.


I'm definitely insecure. but a part of that is the simple fact that many men don't want to have to deal with an arby's triple roast beef that a ****ing foot could fit into. Simple math really over, being insecure, also I want a woman that hasn't been easy her whole life. and 'cooked' for men at will. That shouldn't be a knock. Yeah we are wired to hot or not, but that's just not as simple as it is. There's plently of other factors that attribute to us determining whether or not a woman is worth dating. Even if she has a past or isn't "only hot"=good.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

truant said:


> I never understood why men always hold women up to some impossibly high moral standard regarding mate selection when they themselves literally couldn't care less about who they bang. Hot = good. There's male selection strategy for you. Men are completely amoral when it comes to selecting partners. The only thing they care about is whether or not she's had "too many cooks in the kitchen", and that seems primarily because they're insecure.


Men aren't holding women up to high moral standards of mate selection, women themselves are doing that. Too many women consider their "standards" to be some objective measure of a man's worth and character. "I'm not attracted to him" becomes "he's not attractive" or worse "he's a creep/loser/jerk." Men don't think hot=good, we think hot=hot. If you want to date only hot guys then have fun, but don't pretend that you're doing serious compatibility analysis and judging their character if all you're really doing is looking for someone who turns you on.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Men aren't holding women up to high moral standards of mate selection, women themselves are doing that. Too many women consider their "standards" to be some objective measure of a man's worth and character. *"I'm not attracted to him" becomes "he's not attractive" *or worse "he's a creep/loser/jerk." Men don't think hot=good, we think hot=hot. If you want to date only hot guys then have fun, but don't pretend that you're doing serious compatibility analysis and judging their character if all you're really doing is looking for someone who turns you on.


I see men do that all the time...


----------



## AussiePea

Wings of Amnesty said:


> ...don't pretend that you're doing serious compatibility analysis and judging their character if all you're really doing is looking for someone who turns you on.


So basically, exactly what men do too.

We all suck when it comes to dating and we're for the most part, hypocrites when doing so.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

AussiePea said:


> So basically, exactly what men do too.
> 
> We all suck when it comes to dating and we're for the most part, hypocrites when doing so.


Guess you didn't really read my post.


----------



## AussiePea

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Guess you didn't really read my post.


Your post could have been written for the other gender and been equally as valid. There's so much hypocrisy in the beliefs of people here.


----------



## caelle

I'm trying to not look ugly.


----------



## SilkyJay

AussiePea said:


> Your post could have been written for the other gender and been equally as valid. There's so much hypocrisy in the beliefs of people here.


Yeah, it's a social anxiety and mental health forum. There's going to be skewed views on things, especially from personally experience. I mean I just can't stomach someone dropping a hypocrisy bomb on so many when you, you, you made a goddamn thread about people who had LOST THEIR LIVES, and you titled it bang bang goes the shots in the theater. As if to poke at the United States, and your hated view of us.

Then to be in another thread about the reporting of a shooting and innocent loss of life and you comment on "how classy" the american press was b/c what they were showing and saying.. I just want to puke on my ****ing computer screen when I read a lot of what you write. Hypocrisy at it's finest. And yes I have said this once, but I will ****ing be quick to say it again. What kind of mind does what you did? That's not hypocritical, it's just not ****ing human. It's heartless. It's just simply disgusting man. Maybe the most disgusting thing I've seen on this site, and that's saying a lot with all in this thread, all the virgin threads, all the men complaining and the woman defending.


----------



## AussiePea

SilkyJay said:


> Yeah, it's a social anxiety and mental health forum. There's going to be skewed views on things, especially from personally experience. I mean I just can't stomach someone dropping a hypocrisy bomb on so many when you, you, you made a goddamn thread about people who had LOST THEIR LIVES, and you titled it bang bang goes the shots in the theater. As if to poke at the United States, and your hated view of us.
> 
> Then to be in another thread about the reporting of a shooting and innocent loss of life and you comment on "how classy" the american press was b/c what they were showing and saying.. I just want to puke on my ****ing computer screen when I read a lot of what you write. Hypocrisy at it's finest. And yes I have said this once, but I will ****ing be quick to say it again. What kind of mind does what you did? That's not hypocritical, it's just not ****ing human. It's heartless. It's just simply disgusting man. Maybe the most disgusting thing I've seen on this site, and that's saying a lot with all in this thread, all the virgin threads, all the men complaining and the woman defending.


You're spot on, I'm a disgusting hypocrite who needs his very core scrutinised for that one facetious mistake I apologised for. Now, back on topic.


----------



## truant

SilkyJay said:


> I'm definitely insecure. but a part of that is the simple fact that many men don't want to have to deal with an arby's triple roast beef that a ****ing foot could fit into. Simple math really over, being insecure, also I want a woman that hasn't been easy her whole life. and 'cooked' for men at will. That shouldn't be a knock. Yeah we are wired to hot or not, but that's just not as simple as it is. There's plently of other factors that attribute to us determining whether or not a woman is worth dating. Even if she has a past or isn't "only hot"=good.


This post is kind of repulsive, tbh. I love how you excuse male selection as being "wired" but don't acknowledge that female selection is equally wired and that whether or not a woman becomes "an arby's triple roast beef" is equally defensible under the same principle. You and every other man know that, given the opportunity, you'd be that triple roast beef yourself and be so busy patting yourself on the back you'd dislocate your own shoulder. The amount of hypocrisy men display toward women will never cease to amaze me.

What are these mysterious "other factors" that you mention? I mean aside from nun-like chastity. The only one that comes to mind is "sexually submissive", since it's about the only thing guys ever mention. Usually via euphemisms like "demure", "modest", "respectful", (insert ridiculous Asian stereotype here), etc. As long as she's not "tainted" and does what she's told I don't think most men much care what a woman's like.



Wings of Amnesty said:


> Men aren't holding women up to high moral standards of mate selection, women themselves are doing that. Too many women consider their "standards" to be some objective measure of a man's worth and character. "I'm not attracted to him" becomes "he's not attractive" or worse "he's a creep/loser/jerk." Men don't think hot=good, we think hot=hot. If you want to date only hot guys then have fun, but don't pretend that you're doing serious compatibility analysis and judging their character if *all you're really doing is looking for someone who turns you on*.


The bold part seems to be literally the only thing most guys care about. Men will rationalize almost any behavior on the part of a woman to get in her pants. If women seem crazy and unprincipled it's because it literally makes no difference to their dating prospects. A woman can be a horrible person and guys will gladly throw themselves off cliffs for her just to get a shot at her as long as she's hot. Some high moral standards being displayed there, men. You're getting angry at women because they behave the way men would if they were in their shoes and you don't like it.

And the first part of your post is nonsense. Men spend a huge amount of time shaming women for their choice of partners, and typically blame them for being victims of deception and abuse as well. As if there were more than a tiny handful of women who actually wanted to be treated disrespectfully by their partner. You can't go a day on SAS without finding threads full of these sorts of ridiculous red pill-inspired shaming posts from men.

I could explain why women's "standards" are high but I doubt you'd be able to follow the argument because it involves math.

And for the record, Wings. You're right I look for men that turn me on, but that has almost nothing to do with the way they look. Physically, my standards are almost non-existent. But psychologically they're pretty rigorous.


----------



## knightofdespair

I don't think grooming counts, men have to groom too (well most). And the personality and all that is great, but that is like step 5 on the process. Overwhelming the responses on here are stand around waiting for some rich hot guy to waltz into their life, while men are expected to actually do the entire first everything to even break the ice and do some song and dance to try to impress women who will then treat 90% of us guys like dirt. This threads at 118 pages for pete's sake, and I still haven't seen any real action on what ladies are doing besides the same grooming and maintenance men should be doing too.


----------



## truant

knightofdespair said:


> I don't think grooming counts, men have to groom too (well most). And the personality and all that is great, but that is like step 5 on the process. Overwhelming the responses on here are stand around waiting for some rich hot guy to waltz into their life, while men are expected to actually do the entire first everything to even break the ice and do some song and dance to try to impress women who will then treat 90% of us guys like dirt. This threads at 118 pages for pete's sake, and I still haven't seen any real action on what ladies are doing besides the same grooming and maintenance men should be doing too.


Well, I can't speak for the other women on here, but I don't approach men for reasons that should be obvious. Men wouldn't welcome the attention and I don't want to be rushed to the ER.

But I can say that I've had several relationships with women and it's been the woman who's initiated every single time. Not to mention the women that I've had to reject for one reason or another. So women initiating isn't remotely uncommon, but it's probably going to be a lot less common for SA women to do it.


----------



## inane

I find that men's standards for women are actually a lot higher, and their loyalty more conditional, than the other way around :/ When a woman loves a man, she will often look past a LOT of things. I don't think men do it to the same extent. I think there was even a study done where women are more likely to stay with their partners who become diagnosed with cancer, whereas men are more likely to leave.


----------



## knightofdespair

truant said:


> Well, I can't speak for the other women on here, but I don't approach men for reasons that should be obvious. Men wouldn't welcome the attention and I don't want to be rushed to the ER.
> 
> But I can say that I've had several relationships with women and it's been the woman who's initiated every single time. Not to mention the women that I've had to reject for one reason or another. So women initiating isn't remotely uncommon, but it's probably going to be a lot less common for SA women to do it.


Yeah but your issues with that are different. And like I said on the other thread I think the only real shot trans people have is online dating groups that will not hold that against them. The vast majority of society simply does not understand or desire that kind of relationship.

But in general grooming and standing around looking pretty are hardly the same kind of level of initiative men are expected to be showing.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

@knightofdespair I approach and have approached men first. I've only been interested in one person for some time now, and actively avoid talking about this area of my life on this forum. This thread is literally 97% 1 person posting over and over again (not that there's anything wrong with that but still mostly one person) and you think you can extrapolate onto all the women here? lol there's no polite response I can make to that.

Guys don't have to impress me I only ever have been interested in the guys that don't approach me. I develop attraction from afar and then awkwardly try to get their attention. Certainly have done a **** job of that over the years - but this is an SA forum and for some ****ing reason people seem to think women are women (and SA women = mentally healthy women. Newsflash: That's not true) but men are nuanced. If I didn't struggle with my mental health conditions I would have approached all the guys I wanted to, far more smoothly, and been happy to do so.

I'm obviously disappointed in my efforts, I am very awkward. I'd assume most guys on this forum can relate to that... But if you're approaching as a woman right, the main advice out there is 'oh don't do that, you'll look desperate. If he really likes you he'll approach you first' (to be fair this probably comes from women approaching men and not really knowing what they're doing, like me.) I don't think men understand that the vast majority of women who approach men are naturally very confident. They seem to have created the stereotypes that all women who approach first are down for sex straight away, sleep with everyone, aren't looking for a serious relationship, and various other things that don't apply to me at all... You have all these bull**** hurdles to climb over. Guys struggle with approaching women, but it's not abnormal for them to do so and the entire internet is devoted to helping guys in that goal.

Sure I could probably get tips from men who like men, but being a female bodied person that's not really going to work is it? Not to be too dramatic but it is a little like Star Trek exploring new worlds - moreso when you're a woman with SA.

Straight guys are def no help (and def no help on this forum especially) 'oh just approach, we'll like you because we all like all women. Men would never turn a woman down, men have no options.' Like jesus christ.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Persephone The Dread said:


> Straight guys are def no help (and def no help on this forum especially) 'oh just approach, we'll like you because we all like all women. Men would never turn a woman down, men have no options.' Like jesus christ.


Obviously I disagree with your whole post, but as far as this part goes, what advice are you looking for? Do you think that if you approach in the perfect way that it will land you that guy? There is no secret, there aren't any games with guys. Talk to him, smile, and make it clear that you're open to talking more/meeting again.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

^ not personally looking for advice at the moment. That point applies to women generally though, and if I was I wouldn't look to you for advice based on your weird generalisations about men that are based off projection more than anything. The idea that all men don't have preferences is a bit ridiculous for starters.

You guys all really need to leave this thread now I think...


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Persephone The Dread said:


> ^ not personally looking for advice at the moment. That point applies to women generally though, and if I was I wouldn't look to you for advice based on your weird generalisations about men that are based off projection more than anything.* The idea that all men don't have preferences is a bit ridiculous for starters.
> *
> You guys all really need to leave this thread now I think...


I've never said that though? I've even talked about my preferences, although I avoid it as much as possible because I don't think there's any value to sharing what I like (and don't like) about women on here for women to read and get depressed about.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I've never said that though? I've even talked about my preferences, although I avoid it as much as possible because I don't think there's any value to sharing what I like (and don't like) about women on here for women to read and get depressed about.


You've repeatedly said before that men have no standards, and will date any woman who looks at them, including men without SA, I've even seen guys on this forum debate you on this point...

I'm done with this thread now though anyway lol just ridiculous seeing all these straight guys come in here all the time to moan. It's like when people whine in the 'post a picture of your significant other' thread, and you even have another dating thread (I linked earlier,) where guys can moan (if they want.)


----------



## McFly

Persephone The Dread said:


> You guys all really need to leave this thread now I think...


This thread has always had guys involved, and just a few women involved in the other thread. But yeah, this has been going on for a bit much, in the past mods would shut down debates like this quickly.


----------



## AussiePea

This thread makes me wonder if I live in some kind of fairy land. I've rarely approached/initiated (due to my insecurities) but been on quite a lot of dates by woman who did (online mostly, but a couple offline), and of those who I did approach I certainly never felt like I was treated like dirt in the rejection to take it further (though it did hurt my self confidence, but that's on me, not them). It's almost as if woman aren't all scumbags who view men as being below them.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

McFly said:


> This thread has always had guys involved, and just a few women involved in the other thread. But yeah, this has been going on for a bit much, in the past mods would shut down debates like this quickly.


I don't have a problem with het guys posting in here, it's just when they're frustrated with women generally and they decide to take it out on women here in a thread that's designed for people who are attracted to men to talk about that. @knightofdespair post that led to this being a perfect example.

And then I'm not even going to address Silkyjay's post like wtf... Imagine if a woman went into the men's thread and posted the equivalent of what he said in there. I'm sure everyone would take that graciously :') wouldn't bother them at all.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

AussiePea said:


> This thread makes me wonder if I live in some kind of fairy land. I've rarely approached/initiated (due to my insecurities) but been on quite a lot of dates by woman who did (online mostly, but a couple offline), and of those who I did approach I certainly never felt like I was treated like dirt in the rejection to take it further (though it did hurt my self confidence, but that's on me, not them). It's almost as if woman aren't all scumbags who view men as being below them.


Being hot often does mean living in a completely different world where you don't experience the cruelty of people.


----------



## euphoria04

AussiePea said:


> This thread makes me wonder if I live in some kind of fairy land. I've rarely approached/initiated (due to my insecurities) but been on quite a lot of dates by woman who did (online mostly, but a couple offline), and of those who I did approach I certainly never felt like I was treated like dirt in the rejection to take it further (though it did hurt my self confidence, but that's on me, not them). It's almost as if woman aren't all scumbags who view men as being below them.


Cool humble brag bro.

This is like the royal prince strutting into the slums and telling the homeless peasants "stop complaining about food shortages, I'm well fed!"


----------



## knightofdespair

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't have a problem with het guys posting in here, it's just when they're frustrated with women generally and they decide to take it out on women here in a thread that's designed for people who are attracted to men to talk about that. @*knightofdespair* post that led to this being a perfect example.
> 
> And then I'm not even going to address Silkyjay's post like wtf... Imagine if a woman went into the men's thread and posted the equivalent of what he said in there. I'm sure everyone would take that graciously :') wouldn't bother them at all.


Meh, no need to take it defensively, it is a genuine question. After 118 pages I still don't see what is being done besides apparently grooming and if the perfect guy is 2 feet away breaking the ice possibly.


----------



## gunner21

AussiePea said:


> This thread makes me wonder if I live in some kind of fairy land. I've rarely approached/initiated (due to my insecurities) but been on quite a lot of dates by woman who did (online mostly, but a couple offline), and of those who I did approach I certainly never felt like I was treated like dirt in the rejection to take it further (though it did hurt my self confidence, but that's on me, not them). It's almost as if woman aren't all scumbags who view men as being below them.


Being good looking and having a really cool job helps a lot. Maybe it's the culture you live in? A culture that encourages women to pursue?


----------



## AussiePea

euphoria04 said:


> Cool humble brag bro.
> 
> This is like the royal prince strutting into the slums and telling the homeless peasants "stop complaining about food shortages, I'm well fed!"


Except the fact that I am no different to those in here, I've struggled with the same **** and have realised that the warped views in here are the bigger problem.



gunner21 said:


> Being good looking and having a really cool job helps a lot. Maybe it's the culture you live in? A culture that encourages women to pursue?


Good looking? lol, this is the guy who had an entire class dedicate the song "U.G.L.Y" to him, amongst other things. I've also never mentioned my career to people up front. I don't believe there's a cultural difference, I've had quite a lot of friends from the US whom I've met on here and elsewhere over the years and their dating experiences have been relatively similar, in both success and failure to people from Aus (of course those from here struggled more, as is the challenge of SA).

I'm not suggesting that it's all rainbows and butterflies, I mean my success from messaging people on dating sites to going on dates was probably 5% at best and my success rate with meeting people in person is 0%, but this thread suggesting that woman will never initiate or approach and that they treat anyone who doesn't tickle their fancy like **** is inaccurate and just further fuels the negativity and bitterness towards opposite genders. As a result, from what I can see, a lot of guys view the dating game as a failure before they even enter it and with that attitude you can never succeed. That's why it took me 28 years to ever find anyone, because for the other 10 or so previous to that, my attitude was no different.

Now, obviously SA is the biggest resistance to any of this and I feel like people don't consider how their struggles with anxiety affect their dating experiences enough and instead assume with sweeping generalisations about the opposite gender in general.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

knightofdespair said:


> Meh, no need to take it defensively, it is a genuine question. After 118 pages I still don't see what is being done besides apparently grooming and if the perfect guy is 2 feet away breaking the ice possibly.


Yeah, whatever. This *gestures to chaos* will happen again and again I know. I'm just putting this thread on my ignore list now since I don't need it, there are better places for serious advice, and then I'll leave you guys to the circle jerk thing.


----------



## euphoria04

AussiePea said:


> Except the fact that I am no different to those in here, I've struggled with the same **** and have realised that the warped views in here are the bigger problem.


Some people here have struggled with being rejected harshly, or being treated as if beneath another person. You just said that you haven't experienced those things, and then made some kind of joke about living in a 'fairy land' to mock people who it has happened to, and who have warped views because of it happening.


----------



## AussiePea

euphoria04 said:


> Some people here have struggled with being rejected harshly, or being treated as if beneath another person. You just said that you haven't experienced those things, and then made some kind of joke about living in a 'fairy land' to mock people who it has happened to, and who have warped views because of it happening.


I'm not going to wrap people here in cotton wool so i don't hurt their feelings, they are happy enough to throw hurtful generalisations about opposite genders themselves already, so yeah, I'm going to be blunt about it, sometimes that's what it takes to get people to snap out of the bull**** "reality" they've built for themselves.


----------



## euphoria04

AussiePea said:


> I'm not going to wrap people here in cotton wool so i don't hurt their feelings, they are happy enough to throw hurtful generalisations about opposite genders themselves already, so yeah, I'm going to be blunt about it, sometimes that's what it takes to get people to snap out of the bull**** "reality" they've built for themselves.


Yeah, I don't really care. I was just pointing out that you hadn't struggled with the same ****.


----------



## jsgt

So...what should this thread title be changed to? Wow.


----------



## Jesuszilla

I really didn't want to post here, but can't the women (and men) who want to date men just post their experience here and if anyone can add anything do so? I'm not sure why there is any controversy here. "What are you doing to get a boy" doesn't literally have to mean girls post of them trying to ask guys out. It can just be them posting any dating related discussion. 

This thread doesn't need a name change, nor does it need to be close or edited or anything like that.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Jesuszilla said:


> I really didn't want to post here, but can't the women (and men) who want to date men just post their experience here and if anyone can add anything do so? I'm not sure why there is any controversy here. "What are you doing to get a boy" doesn't literally have to mean girls post of them trying to ask guys out. It can just be them posting any dating related discussion.
> 
> This thread doesn't need a name change, nor does it need to be close or edited or anything like that.


That'd be great, but that's not how some of the women are using the thread. It's understandable that when women post some of the offensive **** that they do in here, or make ridiculous assumptions about men, that the men who read it are going to respond and probably respond angrily.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Wings of Amnesty said:


> That'd be great, but that's not how some of the women are using the thread. It's understandable that when women post some of the offensive **** that they do in here, or make ridiculous assumptions about men, that the men who read it are going to respond and probably respond angrily.


I'm going to be fair and read back to see some of the posts made because I am not aware of them. I don't read this thread as much as the other. So I probably skimmed through something that set off this little debate.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Jesuszilla said:


> I'm going to be fair and read back to see some of the posts made because I am not aware of them. I don't read this thread as much as the other. So I probably skimmed through something that set off this little debate.


No, the recent one was knight of despair just being a jerk. I got involved when truant posted ridiculous **** in reaction to him. Previously though, right around jan 23, this thread got heated though most posts were deleted because of the way someone talked about guys. You won't be able to read that.


----------



## truant

Wings of Amnesty said:


> No, the recent one was knight of despair just being a jerk. I got involved when truant posted ridiculous **** in reaction to him.


Hey there Potty McPotterson, watch whose kettle you're calling black. I'm not the one who's made a career out of making ridiculous generalizations. I only use them for effect. This is supposed to be a support site, so excuse me for retaliating when people make unfair and unfounded accusations against a whole class of people. It's called "a taste of your own medicine", and I'm not going to feel bad if it tastes bitter.


----------



## inane

Jesuszilla said:


> I really didn't want to post here, but can't the women (and men) who want to date men just post their experience here and if anyone can add anything do so? I'm not sure why there is any controversy here. "What are you doing to get a boy" doesn't literally have to mean girls post of them trying to ask guys out. It can just be them posting any dating related discussion.
> 
> This thread doesn't need a name change, nor does it need to be close or edited or anything like that.


You're one of the few who take such a mature and level approach to the discussion and I'm appreciative of that. Thanks.


----------



## knightofdespair

Wings of Amnesty said:


> No, the recent one was knight of despair just being a jerk. I got involved when truant posted ridiculous **** in reaction to him. Previously though, right around jan 23, this thread got heated though most posts were deleted because of the way someone talked about guys. You won't be able to read that.


Lol, if pointing out the truth makes someone a jerk, whatever... It is still funny this thread is over 100 pages.


----------



## veron

AussiePea said:


> This thread makes me wonder if I live in some kind of fairy land.


SAS is the fairy land - full of bitter virgin males sitting in their rooms all day thinking about how women are at fault for everything.

On a second note, this thread has certainly gone downhill. I wish posters would take their gender war elsewhere and that this thread could resume to where it previously was...


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> SAS is the fairy land - full of bitter virgin males sitting in their rooms all day thinking about how women are at fault for everything.
> 
> On a second note, this thread has certainly gone downhill. I wish posters would take their gender war elsewhere and that this thread could resume to where it previously was...


On the other hand, SAS is also full of people (men and women) who blame themselves for everything that is wrong in their life. (I know I do) There's no middle ground.


----------



## millenniumman75

Is this thread sexist?

My head is totally spinning - food items, violence, repulsion, sex, gas, fairy lands, misogyny, and misandry.

Sounds like SAS.

We need to get out of the SA haze and start basic relating to people.


----------



## knightofdespair

millenniumman75 said:


> We need to get out of the SA haze and start basic relating to people.


Why?


----------



## inane

I talked to the cute Russian guy in my class. I physically pivoted my butt in my seat, turned to look at him behind me, and asked for his answers to compare to my own.

He was super nice. Seems like an incredible guy, very strong, confident, absurdly good-looking, and yet really gracious. Only a year older than me too. I wish I could get to know him.


----------



## millenniumman75

knightofdespair said:


> Why?


 Because, you'll be stuck in the blame game and not go anywhere if you stay where you are at. Yeah, it's easier, but everybody has to do something fi they want to reach their goals.


----------



## veron

Every time I log into my online dating profile, I get excited for a fragment of a second when I see my profile got new views. And then when I look at my visitors, all that goes away. 90% of them are males not only from different cities, but from different countries. I don't get why they bother looking at my profile, or messaging me. I've got messages saying things like, "I know we live on opposite ends of the world, but with modern technology, distance shouldn't be a problem." Loool. Most men on there seem to be utterly clueless. 

There's a new guy at work, and I think he finds me attractive. He has a huge smile on his face whenever I talk to him. He looks OK I guess, but he's a chain smoker, and so he's out of the question.


----------



## JustThisGuy

inane said:


> I talked to the cute Russian guy in my class. I physically pivoted my butt in my seat, turned to look at him behind me, and asked for his answers to compare to my own.
> 
> He was super nice. Seems like an incredible guy, very strong, confident, absurdly good-looking, and yet really gracious. Only a year older than me too. I wish I could get to know him.


Does he speak English?  Then you can. Nice body language, by the way. Good moves.


----------



## inane

JustThisGuy said:


> Does he speak English?  Then you can. Nice body language, by the way. Good moves.


lol


----------



## JustThisGuy

inane said:


> lol


 I'm being serious, though. Keep at it.


----------



## inane

JustThisGuy said:


> I'm being serious, though. Keep at it.


I was being sardonic.


----------



## SilkyJay

truant said:


> This post is kind of repulsive, tbh. I love how you excuse male selection as being "wired" but don't acknowledge that female selection is equally wired and that whether or not a woman becomes "an arby's triple roast beef" is equally defensible under the same principle. You and every other man know that, given the opportunity, you'd be that triple roast beef yourself and be so busy patting yourself on the back you'd dislocate your own shoulder. The amount of hypocrisy men display toward women will never cease to amaze me.
> 
> What are these mysterious "other factors" that you mention? I mean aside from nun-like chastity. The only one that comes to mind is "sexually submissive", since it's about the only thing guys ever mention. Usually via euphemisms like "demure", "modest", "respectful", (insert ridiculous Asian stereotype here), etc. As long as she's not "tainted" and does what she's told I don't think most men much care what a woman's like.


I'll take that as a compliment if it made you repulsed. :wink2:

I actually wouldn't be that "arby's triple roast beef" like you so reassuringly know. I'm almost positive as a girl I'd be very, very similar to how I am as a guy. Reserved, loyal, and pretty damn observant, and able to read into things and not giving myself away. I'd of found a nice solid, guy with the power that comes with being a woman. Gut feeling, but it's how I feel it would be.

And I've had plenty of options to get with girls and passed due to my own standards of not wanting something meaningless, minus the exercise. Thanks for saying that I'd just **** everyone around , just because? is that what your saying me and every OTHER guy would do if we were a girl and had a vagina? Why would you think that's the case with woman if we were one??? lol that's funny. Settle down on that smut fiction gurl.

I'm debating with a Man who thinks he's Woman. Who's trying to tell me about what I'd do as woman. This thread is a disaster on every level, men, woman, transsexuals, asexuals, bipedaltranspostoptransvaginalmesh. whatever the heck YOU want to be called. I'm guessing you're that guy, that wants to have a label for everything, but then probably complains when labeled bc it's makes you feel different.

Sounds like you have a dog in this fight, as do I. As do I. I think I'll jsut keep making my points here and there on this site, as I know in the depth of my heart who is more right about this whole gender issue. And frankly that's all that matters to me.


----------



## SilkyJay

AussiePea said:


> You're spot on, I'm a disgusting hypocrite who needs his very core scrutinised for that one facetious mistake I apologised for. Now, back on topic.


facetious my ***. You aren't fooling me for one second. Not from the posts that then proceeded that. I barely have frequented your posts but again, I'm not an idiot dude. Most 'repulsive' thing I've maybe seen posted as a thread on this site. Bar none, really bc of the other off putting, overall attitude toward this subject i'm talking about you seem to have especially towards the U.S. and shootings.

Facetious, when talking about killings/shootings. You deserved worse than what I've given you. Consider yourself lucky that I've been the only one to bring it up. Wait a second, am I the only one that actually has their ****ing eyes open on this site? Bc it's hitting me now that this might be the case, that it only bugged me a tad to see such a spineless heartless post but no1 else? Nah they all saw it, I'm just the only one who couldn't stand the thought of not saying something.

you know we can talk all this woman, men, problems, anxiety, depression, but when you joke about death/loss of life, you can't just throw a "big" word like facetious into the ring. *puked a little again on dick*


----------



## truant

SilkyJay said:


> snip


Makes disgusting slurs, adopts the moral high ground. Typical self-deluded bs. I'm sure you consider yourself one of the nice guys.

I'll forgo responding to the rest of this drivel out of respect for the people who don't want this thread turning into one long argument. Feel free to insult me, secure in the knowledge I won't respond. I'd rather have you pick on me than the people who are trying to get support.


----------



## gunner21

SilkyJay said:


> I'll take that as a compliment if it made you repulsed. :wink2:
> 
> I actually wouldn't be that "arby's triple roast beef" like you so reassuringly know. I'm almost positive as a girl I'd be very, very similar to how I am as a guy. Reserved, loyal, and pretty damn observant, and able to read into things and not giving myself away. I'd of found a nice solid, guy with the power that comes with being a woman. Gut feeling, but it's how I feel it would be.
> 
> And I've had plenty of options to get with girls and passed due to my own standards of not wanting something meaningless, minus the exercise. Thanks for saying that I'd just **** everyone around , just because? is that what your saying me and every OTHER guy would do if we were a girl and had a vagina? Why would you think that's the case with woman if we were one??? lol that's funny. Settle down on that smut fiction gurl.
> 
> I'm debating with a Man who thinks he's Woman. Who's trying to tell me about what I'd do as woman. This thread is a disaster on every level, men, woman, transsexuals, asexuals, bipedaltranspostoptransvaginalmesh. whatever the heck YOU want to be called. I'm guessing you're that guy, that wants to have a label for everything, but then probably complains when labeled bc it's makes you feel different.
> 
> Sounds like you have a dog in this fight, as do I. As do I. I think I'll jsut keep making my points here and there on this site, as I know in the depth of my heart who is more right about this whole gender issue. And frankly that's all that matters to me.


So this is what people mean when they talk about a guy who thinks he's a "nice guy", but is actually anything but a nice guy.


----------



## AussiePea

SilkyJay said:


> facetious my ***. You aren't fooling me for one second. Not from the posts that then proceeded that. I barely have frequented your posts but again, I'm not an idiot dude. Most 'repulsive' thing I've maybe seen posted as a thread on this site. Bar none, really bc of the other off putting, overall attitude toward this subject i'm talking about you seem to have especially towards the U.S. and shootings.
> 
> Facetious, when talking about killings/shootings. You deserved worse than what I've given you. Consider yourself lucky that I've been the only one to bring it up. Wait a second, am I the only one that actually has their ****ing eyes open on this site? Bc it's hitting me now that this might be the case, that it only bugged me a tad to see such a spineless heartless post but no1 else? Nah they all saw it, I'm just the only one who couldn't stand the thought of not saying something.
> 
> you know we can talk all this woman, men, problems, anxiety, depression, but when you joke about death/loss of life, you can't just throw a "big" word like facetious into the ring. *puked a little again on dick*














gunner21 said:


> So this is what people mean when they talk about a guy who thinks he's a "nice guy", but is actually anything but a nice guy.


Yeah, chuckling to myself over here.


----------



## SilkyJay

gunner21 said:


> So this is what people mean when they talk about a guy who thinks he's a "nice guy", but is actually anything but a nice guy.


hahaha. You guys don't know me at all. I'm on a circus of a site. I know who I am at heart, and if you talked to 99% of the people in and that have been in my life they'd tell you exactly what you'd not want to hear. I'd bet my life on it. Ya'llll feel free to think what you want. Seems I'm the one getting pickd on.. glad you chimmed in gunner.


----------



## tehuti88

Damn. Glad I'm not doing anything to get a boy. Ain't nobody got time for this. :um


----------



## Persephone The Dread

tehuti88 said:


> Damn. Glad I'm not doing anything to get a boy. Ain't nobody got time for this.


Men aren't all bad lol.

[Staff edit]

lol OK interesting that mods came in here and left basically all the posts..


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I want someone to get this thread back on topic, and this isn't going to help but I can't help myself seriously someone post something on topic soon please






**** I love 80s music. And he's American right? But he's putting on an English accent lol.

@inane you should just find an excuse to start more conversations with the guy, like ask him about what he did over the weekend or something if you see him on Mondays.


----------



## McFly

This is why I sas.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I'm distributing free tacos, but god giveth and he taketh away:






lmao love how all the comments are about Kylo Ren too. What.


----------



## inane

"You should just find an excuse to start more conversations with the guy, like ask him about what he did over the weekend or something if you see him on Mondays."

I don't need dating advice, I mostly just come here to rant and talk. I don't think it's rocket science, I know how to start conversations and if he seems receptive to talk, which he has been, it's a good sign.

I don't want a relationship, nor do I want to start anything. I'm struggling to get two other guys off my mind as it is, the last thing I need is to add another potential source of hurt to it.

I wish I could get to know him better, but I'm not going to go out of my way to do it. Not because he's not worth it intrinsically but I don't have the emotional fortitude to try.

@*tehuti88* has it right. Ain't nobody got time for this lol


----------



## veron

Another online dating disappointment for me.



veron said:


> The guy I've been talking to online said he's going away for a few weeks.


He said he'd be away for 3 weeks and that he'd message me when he came back. Those weeks have come and gone and I haven't heard from him. I was really interested in this one - we seemed to have a lot in common, and seemed compatible - so this sucks. He also seemed very interested in me, so I thought that I'd actually hear from him again. :rain


----------



## SilentLyric

don't know why but i have feelings of like but also bitterness...like i hate when people make some kind of general quiet comment about me...it hurt coming from him even if i know that he didn't mean harm, especially because it was meant as a joke...ugh don't know what to think. should have said something. but because he's my crush I have a hard time holding it against him if that makes sense?


----------



## inane

I want sex. Bad.

Goddamn it, Russian Guy. Are you not the least bit attracted to me?? I'd hook up with you in a heartbeat if you asked.

sjdflaj lsjgldkjfgldf fgn


----------



## pied vert

~~~~~, you are one bohemian motherf*ker.

I don't know what the hell you want from me. You are emotionally blackmailing me, even if you don't mean to. I'm not even sure. My perceptions are properly wack now. I can't read you for a second. You say you want a serious relationship and you like me and then you treat me like an unwanted stranger if I try to follow up on that. If you don't like me, set me free. Just tell me so I know. Anything is better than not knowing.

I cut you out of my life and you didn't even ask me why. When I _texted you_ first, you confirmed that you guessed it was because I felt that you didn't like me, and that you were sorry. You said you like me a lot. And then this again. You don't even want to talk to me. You can't be this busy all the time. I can see you're online late at night when you say you're going to bed. Just tell me. I'm not yours for the taking. I am not wrong to want to have _some kind of an idea_ after so many months of talking to you. I'm not being ****ing traditional. You're a hippie. You and your hurtful hippie love.


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> I want sex. Bad.
> 
> Goddamn it, Russian Guy. Are you not the least bit attracted to me?? I'd hook up with you in a heartbeat if you asked.
> 
> sjdflaj lsjgldkjfgldf fgn


i know this is probably going to get shot down, but.... if he seems to not be repulsed by you... ask!!!!!!!

if you did it, I would actually be happy. I want to do the same. It'd be the kind of courageous step you could never go back from, developmentally.


----------



## inane

pied vert said:


> i know this is probably going to get shot down, but.... if he seems to not be repulsed by you... ask!!!!!!!
> 
> if you did it, I would actually be happy. I want to do the same. It'd be the kind of courageous step you could never go back from, developmentally.


Well the repulsion may come after obviously, lol! Like he may think I'm a pleasant person, but when asked, he may be forced to imagine dating me (if only for a moment) and _then _would be repulsed at seeing me in this new light :lol

It wouldn't be my first time asking a guy out, but it would be the first time doing it with a guy I'd have to keep seeing in the future (being classmates till our program ends in December). It's riskier, plus I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

I hope you had a great time in Montreal!! My friend said it was nice meeting you at the Biodome, and ended up bumping into you again near Chinatown?? Lol. Small world. Maybe we'll meet the next time I'm in Toronto


----------



## 7th.Streeter

Barette said:


> Same. Though the trouble is being lonely and knowing the guys just want sex, so while it's an ego booster it'd ultimately be insulting. Plus I don't attract men I'm attracted to, so... That hinders things too lol


My whole life in a few sentences ..i feel the exact same way..

Anyway to answer the op..

I'm putting myself through school, trying to finish..as guys aren't as forgiving as women are.. They dont over look alot of flaws..

But yah, no one wants a dumb,lazy person..so I'm working on myself..im under construction.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> I want sex. Bad.
> 
> Goddamn it, Russian Guy. Are you not the least bit attracted to me?? I'd hook up with you in a heartbeat if you asked.
> 
> sjdflaj lsjgldkjfgldf fgn


Maybe try to ask subtly? Do you even know if he's single? That would be the first step. How about trying to invite him for drinks?


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> Do you even know if he's single? That would be the first step.


Considering most people's relationships these days... this is _not_ a necessary step


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Maybe try to ask subtly? Do you even know if he's single? That would be the first step. How about trying to invite him for drinks?


I've considered it, but although I appreciate your taking time to give me advice, _how to go about it_ isn't the problem. It's not rocket science- walk with him after class to ask, ask over email (I have his contact info), etc. I know, it's not my first time in the dating circus. It's a matter if I have the female balls to do it, and if that's a bridge I want to cross.



veron said:


> Considering most people's relationships these days... this is _not_ a necessary step


I don't know what that means. I wouldn't make a move on someone in a relationship.


----------



## ethericbody

Just talk to guys you like, and be friends with them.


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> Well the repulsion may come after obviously, lol! Like he may think I'm a pleasant person, but when asked, he may be forced to imagine dating me (if only for a moment) and _then _would be repulsed at seeing me in this new light :lol
> 
> It wouldn't be my first time asking a guy out, but it would be the first time doing it with a guy I'd have to keep seeing in the future (being classmates till our program ends in December). It's riskier, plus I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
> 
> I hope you had a great time in Montreal!! My friend said it was nice meeting you at the Biodome, and ended up bumping into you again near Chinatown?? Lol. Small world. Maybe we'll meet the next time I'm in Toronto


yes, let me know whenever you are here


----------



## SilentLyric

I think I accidentistly made things awkward because he said "does anyone have the time?" (we were talking among other people), I wonder if didn't do a good enough job of making him interested in the conversation or if I take too long between questions.


----------



## inane

So a pattern I've noticed.

I don't know how other women feel about it, but signs of clinginess when you're not even dating is the MAJOR deal-breaker for me.

I've had guys send me dozens upon dozens of texts without even waiting for me to reply. Text demanding why I'm not texting them (LOL are you f.cking joking me, I'm not obliged to talk to you 24/7), tell me that they're on their break so text them, text them when I have time (well duh I'd only text you if I have time), text me, why aren't you talking to me, text text text.

Good lord, pull this garbage and there is ZERO chance I would consider a date with you. It's not even a young 22-24 year old dude who might not know better... guys in their *thirties *do this. It's different once you're actually in a relationship, but before that, ruuuuuuuuun for the hills. RUN!


----------



## SilentLyric

something moar positive, my crush had to get by me and he touched my back (with his hand) while whispering excuse me, made my night. feel so warm inside.

and I've read that an excuse to touch you means that your crush likes you, according to those flirting guides online. man it would be crazy if he really did like me, haha. I think it's hard to think that anyone can like you, you have to be literally someone else to understand your good traits almost.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

SilentLyric said:


> something moar positive, my crush had to get by me and he touched my back (with his hand) while whispering excuse me, made my night. feel so warm inside.
> 
> and *I've read that an excuse to touch you means that your crush likes you, according to those flirting guides online.* man it would be crazy if he really did like me, haha. I think it's hard to think that anyone can like you, you have to be literally someone else to understand your good traits almost.


You're a man interested in men right? Do you know if he's gay? Because I wouldn't jump to getting your hopes up about a touch, it's different when it's two men and not a man/woman, there isn't as much hesitation to do that because there's no risk that it will come off sexually.


----------



## SilentLyric

yeah, he's gay. but I mean yeah it's just a touch, you're right. but still felt amazing.


----------



## IlIlIlIrlpoloIlIlIlI

SilentLyric said:


> something moar positive, my crush had to get by me and he touched my back (with his hand) while whispering excuse me, made my night. feel so warm inside.
> 
> and I've read that an excuse to touch you means that your crush likes you, according to those flirting guides online. man it would be crazy if he really did like me, haha. I think it's hard to think that anyone can like you, you have to be literally someone else to understand your good traits almost.


Hmm I wonder if that would work on a girl


----------



## Persephone The Dread

SilentLyric said:


> something moar positive, * my crush had to get by me and he touched my back (with his hand) while whispering excuse me, made my night. feel so warm inside.*
> 
> and I've read that an excuse to touch you means that your crush likes you, according to those flirting guides online. man it would be crazy if he really did like me, haha. I think it's hard to think that anyone can like you, you have to be literally someone else to understand your good traits almost.


aww that sounds so nice. I remember one time years ago my then crush accidentally touched my arm, and it felt all tingly for a while afterwards. I haven't had any irl crushes in ages now (due to lack of meeting people more than once irl.)


----------



## Ominous Indeed

Persephone The Dread said:


> aww that sounds so nice. I remember one time years ago my then crush accidentally touched my arm, and it felt all tingly for a while afterwards. I haven't had any irl crushes in ages now (due to lack of meeting people more than once irl.)


This is so dumb it's funny 

Once my crush touched my arm it became all numb, and I couldn't move it for days anymore 

Also I couldn't have any clothes over my arm for days, and I allowed no one else to touch that exact spot my crush touched 

Okey, that didn't happen but I just imagine your arm in anime style harry potter jelly arm idk something .. funny


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Demon Soul said:


> This is so dumb it's funny
> 
> Once my crush touched my arm it became all numb, and I couldn't move it for days anymore
> 
> Also I couldn't have any clothes over my arm for days, and I allowed no one else to touch that exact spot my crush touched
> 
> Okey, that didn't happen but I just imagine your arm in anime style harry potter jelly arm idk something .. funny


lol I get a bit stupid and cliché (creepy) about crushes tbh... It seems weird picturing it now since I'm not attracted to that person at all now.


----------



## SilkyJay

truant said:


> This post is kind of repulsive, tbh. I love how you excuse male selection as being "wired" but don't acknowledge that female selection is equally wired and that whether or not a woman becomes "an arby's triple roast beef" is equally defensible under the same principle. You and every other man know that, given the opportunity, you'd be that triple roast beef yourself and be so busy patting yourself on the back you'd dislocate your own shoulder. The amount of hypocrisy men display toward women will never cease to amaze me.


I want to make a few points before I completely bury this, and I wil be copying this, as I've been edited, and deleted to (mostly rightfully so, but some not so much) as I havent' been on. But as I go back I'm actually surprised as how this was twisted by you, and others certain facts and points avoided. By both of us though I'll admit. But the thing is, just as me, you where in here being just as hypocritical and cocky, and trying to cute. I'm sorry but you telling me how I'd be as a girl and that Hot=good, I'm not sure as what all you said, but you were throwing around alot of generalization for men before I quoted you. that doesn't fly, especially when it doesn't APPLY TO ME. Then when You getting cocky and talking about my arm dislocating all because of roast beef comment that really all I meant is I want a girl that hasn't been around (and this was me responding to your posts of telling us guys what we like, and how it is and what we'd all be doing and ****ing everything if we were a girl.) IF anything I was kinda repulsed. It's like you jumped at the chance to be offended, much like the many many of you transgender seem to do. And the people that came running to gang up on me, like you guys have ganged up on milliumman and possibly nubly for having opposing views of trans. I'm just dissapointed in you guys. really.

I'm so sorry that an arby's joke among a POINT. was the repulsive thing among the exchanges here. Moral of the story, be careful who you get cute with, and talk **** too and try to make out to be a bad guy thats already been to hell and back. Also, to the people that are continually dropping hypocritical bombs. You guys are seemingly the biggest hypocrites.

On topic: @gunner currently i'm inbetween getting my eyebrows waxed and deciding between an at home or professional butthole bleaching kit. Also I'm thinking about calf implants, a nose job, and most likely a complete overhaul of my face. I'm also thinking about full body lazor hair removal.



euphoria04 said:


> Cool humble brag bro.
> 
> This is like the royal prince strutting into the slums and telling the homeless peasants "stop complaining about food shortages, I'm well fed!"


lol. Funny stuff man. I quoted you and made a few points but it got deleted bc the thought of me pointing out that someone was insinuating I was a bad guy, pretty much a personal attack.... but that he makes light of shooting deaths among the funny post that you quoted. yeahhh makes sense. 
Glad I'm not the only one with their head not up their ***.


----------



## SilentLyric

IlIlIlIrlpoloIlIlIlI said:


> Hmm I wonder if that would work on a girl


be careful plz.



Persephone The Dread said:


> aww that sounds so nice. I remember one time years ago my then crush accidentally touched my arm, and it felt all tingly for a while afterwards. I haven't had any irl crushes in ages now (due to lack of meeting people more than once irl.)


awww yeah, that's what I'm talking about!!! WOOT WOOT. :clap

and lol it sounds so stupid and lame and not meaningful at all, but it's nice anyhow to me. and I just remembered one time our hands accidentally brushed and I was like :O:smile2: like what happened....does he know our hands touched?! kodak moment right there, I must say.


----------



## inane

I'm feeling so. F-cking. Horny. 

I only have sex with guys who I think are 10/10 in attractiveness scale, and being a much (much) less attractive individual in comparison, I'm in rough here. Goddamn it, why did I have to start liking my ex-FWB? He was perfect! Sexy as all hell, good conversation, and non-clingy.

I'm never getting laid again. Ever. Maybe until I'm like 36 and some guy with a cougar fetish becomes interested. 

Okay I've been feeling kind of sick from bad weather so don't mind my loopy rants.


----------



## inane

Clingy McClingerson is still texting. I groan when I see his number. 

Please don't be so annoying that it gets to this point.

The man is 31 years old, geeze. If it were a kid like under 25, I'd think it were really cute (and actually I dated a 25-year-old like this and indeed I found it very lovable and adorable). But after 30, it's just... ugh.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Clingy McClingerson is still texting. I groan when I see his number.
> 
> Please don't be so annoying that it gets to this point.
> 
> The man is 31 years old, geeze. If it were a kid like under 25, I'd think it were really cute (and actually I dated a 25-year-old like this and indeed I found it very lovable and adorable). But after 30, it's just... ugh.


How do you define clingy? Is responding quickly to messages clingy? because I tend to do that.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> How do you define clingy? Is responding quickly to messages clingy? because I tend to do that.


Oh no, nothing like that. I'm sure you're fine.

I'm talking stuff like:

-Sending dozens of texts in a row without even waiting for a reply. Then sending another dozen or so, on stuff like giving me in-real-time updates on their life. Like are they waiting until they hit triple digits before stopping? (Unless I am their girlfriend, I will NOT tolerate being their personal sounding board or Twitter feed).

-Saying things like, "When you aren't busy, write to me okay?" or "I'm on my break, you can text me now"... when the conversation has mostly just been them, and I haven't replied to the preceding messages. (DUH I'd only text them if I had time).

-Telling me they feel so happy talking to me, and text way too much... _when we hadn't even had a first date yet._ It makes me think that they're going to be really needy. (Absolute deal-breaker, would not go on a date if I sense this is the case).

Basically, when men feel more entitled to my attention than they actually are. *I'm not saying I'm this oh-so-desirable treasure*, far from it- Just that if we're not a couple, you have zero claim to any of my time at all. Don't tell me to text you, do not spam me with messages, and don't act like a puppy on my heels. If I want to text you, I have your number. If the dude is under 25 it's kind of charming and cute, but above that is massively no-go for me.

But mileage may vary among women, like always. For me, I prefer if the guy takes it easy until a solid connection is established from both sides.


----------



## AussiePea

inane said:


> Oh no, nothing like that. I'm sure you're fine.
> 
> I'm talking stuff like:
> 
> -Sending dozens of texts in a row without even waiting for a reply. Then sending another dozen or so, on stuff like giving me in-real-time updates on your life. Like are you waiting until you hit triple digits before stopping? (Unless I am your girlfriend, I will NOT tolerate being your personal sounding board or your Twitter feed).
> 
> -Saying things like, "When you aren't busy, write to me okay?" or "I'm on my break, you can text me now"... when the conversation has mostly just been them, and I haven't replied to the preceding messages. (DUH I'd only text you if I had time).
> 
> -Telling me they feel so happy talking to me, and text way too much... _when we hadn't even had a first date yet._ It makes me think that you're going to be really needy. (Absolute deal-breaker, would not go on a date if I sense this is the case).
> 
> Basically, when men feel more entitled to my attention than they actually are. *I'm not saying I'm this oh-so-desirable treasure*, far from it- Just that if we're not a couple, you have zero claim to any of my time at all. Don't tell me to text you, do not spam me with messages, and don't act like a puppy on my heels. If the dude is under 25 it's kind of charming and cute, but above that is massively no-go for me.
> 
> But mileage may vary among women, like always.


Yeah, those are some pretty big red flags tbh, very clingy and needy.


----------



## inane

AussiePea said:


> Yeah, those are some pretty big red flags tbh, very clingy and needy.


Yeah I think the guys who do this don't empathize. Like really, if a random girl kept demanding your time or using you as an outlet for her brain leakage, you wouldn't be irritated?

It's endearing when it's someone you've established a mutual connection with.. I loved hearing from my ex-boyfriend and ex-FWB, no matter what they were saying. But before that point, it's really not so good.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Oh no, nothing like that. I'm sure you're fine.
> 
> I'm talking stuff like:
> 
> -Sending dozens of texts in a row without even waiting for a reply. Then sending another dozen or so, on stuff like giving me in-real-time updates on their life. Like are they waiting until they hit triple digits before stopping? (Unless I am their girlfriend, I will NOT tolerate being their personal sounding board or Twitter feed).
> 
> -Saying things like, "When you aren't busy, write to me okay?" or "I'm on my break, you can text me now"... when the conversation has mostly just been them, and I haven't replied to the preceding messages. (DUH I'd only text them if I had time).
> 
> -Telling me they feel so happy talking to me, and text way too much... _when we hadn't even had a first date yet._ It makes me think that they're going to be really needy. (Absolute deal-breaker, would not go on a date if I sense this is the case).
> 
> Basically, when men feel more entitled to my attention than they actually are. *I'm not saying I'm this oh-so-desirable treasure*, far from it- Just that if we're not a couple, you have zero claim to any of my time at all. Don't tell me to text you, do not spam me with messages, and don't act like a puppy on my heels. If I want to text you, I have your number. If the dude is under 25 it's kind of charming and cute, but above that is massively no-go for me.
> 
> But mileage may vary among women, like always. For me, I prefer if the guy takes it easy until a solid connection is established from both sides.


Yea, all that stuff sounds too relationshipy.

Personally, I tend to respond very quickly (because I don't get a lot of texts), and maybe sometimes expect quick responses too, so I was just wondering if that was clingy.

(Follow up question: How much did you and your partners used to talk before you developed the connection?)


----------



## visualkeirockstar

This thread shouldn't even exist. Women don't do **** to get a man and it's always the same girls who come here to complain about men are this and that.


----------



## AussiePea

visualkeirockstar said:


> This thread shouldn't even exist. Women don't do **** to get a man and it's always the same girls who come here to complain about men are this and that.


Well it's only fair that there's a thread for woman go ***** and moan when us guys also get one.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> Oh no, nothing like that. I'm sure you're fine.
> 
> I'm talking stuff like:
> 
> -Sending dozens of texts in a row without even waiting for a reply. Then sending another dozen or so, on stuff like giving me in-real-time updates on their life. Like are they waiting until they hit triple digits before stopping? (Unless I am their girlfriend, I will NOT tolerate being their personal sounding board or Twitter feed).
> 
> -Saying things like, "When you aren't busy, write to me okay?" or "I'm on my break, you can text me now"... when the conversation has mostly just been them, and I haven't replied to the preceding messages. (DUH I'd only text them if I had time).
> 
> -Telling me they feel so happy talking to me, and text way too much... _when we hadn't even had a first date yet._ It makes me think that they're going to be really needy. (Absolute deal-breaker, would not go on a date if I sense this is the case).
> 
> Basically, when men feel more entitled to my attention than they actually are. *I'm not saying I'm this oh-so-desirable treasure*, far from it- Just that if we're not a couple, you have zero claim to any of my time at all. Don't tell me to text you, do not spam me with messages, and don't act like a puppy on my heels. If I want to text you, I have your number. If the dude is under 25 it's kind of charming and cute, but above that is massively no-go for me.
> 
> But mileage may vary among women, like always. For me, I prefer if the guy takes it easy until a solid connection is established from both sides.


That would really creep me out. People like that you need to go no contact with.


----------



## SilentLyric

I think I'm not as close to my crush as I thought I was and that bothers me.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> (Follow up question: How much did you and your partners used to talk before you developed the connection?)


For my ex-boyfriend, it was instant. I've told the story here before and don't want to rehash it (because I still love him and it sucks balls). I remember everything he ever texted to me, even the small "What's going on?" he would sound-board to me when the Metro broke down, or how he simply replied, "Good, and yourself?" when I was asking how he was. When the connection is there, it's just.. there. For me at least.

For my ex-FWB, I found him annoying for the first week of dates (about four of them). I'd say I was busy if he asked, and then he'd ask again the next day, completely blase and not shy at all. I don't actually know when I got attached to this one... But soon, just a simple text from him would turn a bad weekend around. He would still wheedle me to go hang out, and it became endearing, not annoying. I actually was seeing this one almost as long as my ex-boyfriend and towards the end, began feeling like I might come to love him if it continued any longer. So we've since stopped communicating. (He didn't actually like me much).

I think for the most part you don't have to worry. You seem normal and sweet.. It'd take a big leap to go from that to Stage 5 Clinger.


----------



## SilentLyric

first thing I thought of when I woke up today was my crush. so that's how it is, brain.


----------



## SilentLyric

another positive interaction/conversation with my crush...not bad me!


----------



## SilkyJay

Straight Hushed.


----------



## veron

The online dating thing is going nowhere. Ugh, I'm tired. I don't understand the mentality of guys who are contacting me and then putting in a half-assed effort to talk to me. 99% of messages I get are "hi." When I do reply to them, it never goes anywhere. Their messages are up to 3 words long. When I ask them a question, they reply with 1-2 words. I don't get it... why message me in the first place then? Just wasting my time


----------



## inane

So I met this guy last June on the street (he was walking his dog, I was heading home with groceries, he asked if I needed help carrying them). We exchanged numbers and kept in touch very sporadically through text, but hadn't seen each other in person again since. 

He randomly texted me today asking if I wanted to finally meet up again for a coffee. I don't know whether it was meant to be platonic and I can't even remember what he looks like anymore, but I do remember thinking he was alright. 28-years-old, heavy French-accent.

I'm running... almost three months dry now. I would really like some sex soon. I've been thinking about my other hot classmate, but apparently he has a long-distance girlfriend, so that's kiboshed. Bah.


----------



## inane

"How can someone forget such a beautiful girl?"

I think it's a date hehe. But I've changed in appearance since that 10-minute meeting last summer lol. Hope he doesn't run screaming when we see each other again.

Oh please let me get laid this month with an attractive and good-hearted dude.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> So I met this guy last June on the street (he was walking his dog, I was heading home with groceries, he asked if I needed help carrying them). We exchanged numbers and kept in touch very sporadically through text, but hadn't seen each other in person again since.
> 
> He randomly texted me today asking if I wanted to finally meet up again for a coffee. I don't know whether it was meant to be platonic and I can't even remember what he looks like anymore, but I do remember thinking he was alright. 28-years-old, heavy French-accent.
> 
> I'm running... almost three months dry now. I would really like some sex soon. I've been thinking about my other hot classmate, but apparently he has a long-distance girlfriend, so that's kiboshed. Bah.


Have you tried Tinder for finding a fwb or a casual partner?


----------



## inane

McFly said:


> Have you tried Tinder for finding a fwb or a casual partner?


I'm not attractive enough for Tinder, and I figure I'm too likely to find a douchebag there. I prefer meeting someone through happenstance, like this French dude who I met on the street on a nice summer day.


----------



## Rixy

veron said:


> The online dating thing is going nowhere. Ugh, I'm tired. I don't understand the mentality of guys who are contacting me and then putting in a half-assed effort to talk to me. 99% of messages I get are "hi." When I do reply to them, it never goes anywhere. Their messages are up to 3 words long. When I ask them a question, they reply with 1-2 words. I don't get it... why message me in the first place then? Just wasting my time


If you don't mind me asking, what would you like for a guy to say in a message? I have a similar problem where I try to be interesting and ask questions related to whatever they said in their profile but I either get nothing or one word answers.


----------



## veron

Rixy said:


> If you don't mind me asking, what would you like for a guy to say in a message? I have a similar problem where I try to be interesting and ask questions related to whatever they said in their profile but I either get nothing or one word answers.


For a first message? Just "hi" is terrible. "Hi, what's your name?" or "I counted the stripes on your shirt - 17" (somebody actually sent me this message) are much better.

Asking too many questions can come across as too eager, and seem like a lot of work to reply to. So one or two questions should be enough. I don't expect them to write me long emails, but writing a couple of words and ending with a question for me gives me something to reply to, and sounds as if he's actually interesting in talking to me.


----------



## inane

I think a guy commenting on a book listed on my profile requires a reply.

You've read Ken Dryden or John Steinbeck? We need to exchange numbers and discuss this further.


----------



## CaptainPeanuts

Remember (to all the guys reading this), guys are worth nothing, and woman deserve everything. We are worthless, and pointless. Only girls matter, they deserve the world from us.

Get that straight in your head then you will find a girlfriend eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inane

I feel like having a meltdown from lack of human touch and intimacy. It's been three months since a guy has even touched me :cry I'd even settle for a hug.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> I feel like having a meltdown from lack of human touch and intimacy. It's been three months since a guy has even touched me :cry I'd even settle for a hug.


Lol! I posted the exact same thing in the other thread. It's been more than a year for me. The struggle is real.


----------



## pied vert

I joined a dating site... yelp.
Guys are so sweet on there, and surprisingly attractive (some of them) but whenever it comes to planning something, I chicken out. 

all I can see and think and hear is my crush at times like those, and he doesn't want me for a second. :|
Whenever a guy approaches me, I have to fight back the urge to blab about how much I like this other guy lol


----------



## tehuti88

thelastsamurai said:


> Remember (to all the guys reading this), guys are worth nothing, and woman deserve everything. We are worthless, and pointless. Only girls matter, they deserve the world from us.
> 
> Get that straight in your head then you will find a girlfriend eventually.


That won't help. :no

Remembering that men and women matter just the same stands more chance of helping you in life.

No, it won't necessarily get you a relationship...but it's far better than having such a skewed view of the world.


----------



## pied vert

tehuti88 said:


> That won't help. :no
> 
> Remembering that men and women matter just the same stands more chance of helping you in life.
> 
> No, it won't necessarily get you a relationship...but it's far better than having such a skewed view of the world.


i admire how much persistent effort you put into this issue :high5


----------



## inane

My ex-FWB messaged me this morning after a month of silence, saying I had randomly crossed his mind and wanted to say hello.

Lol we've known each other for the better part of a year now. I pretty much read the text as: "I'm feeling horny and the well has been dry for me. Wanna hook up this weekend?"

If he was someone who treated me better I'd totally be into the FWB thing again, but he's pretty mean unless there's something he wants.


----------



## inane

This nun-like existence really isn't working for me. I'm feeling very antsy and restless... But the only men who show interest in me, I have absolutely zero attraction or desire towards at all.

Maybe that thread on finding a male prostitute is onto something.


----------



## CaptainPeanuts

gunner21 said:


> Lol! I posted the exact same thing in the other thread. It's been more than a year for me. The struggle is real.


Try never before in your life


----------



## gunner21

thelastsamurai said:


> Try never before in your life


.....wat?


----------



## crimeclub

gunner21 said:


> .....wat?


As in "It's only been a year for you? Try experiencing it never in your life, friend." He just glove-slapped you in the face for a 'who has it worse?' duel.


----------



## pied vert

uh anyway,
back to trying to get a boy:

I am so on for him I am paralyzed by it. Can't concentrate on anything. Ahghh hope he messages me soon.


----------



## CaptainPeanuts

crimeclub said:


> As in "It's only been a year for you? Try experiencing it never in your life, friend." He just glove-slapped you in the face for a 'who has it worse?' duel.


Bingo. The "you've never done that before?" is just male competition. It's no ones ****ing fault if they haven't ****ed someone before or touched the ****ing opposite sex.


----------



## pied vert

okay, so like, I get if he's busy and still sick and stuff, but he *couuuuuuuld* message by now. I'm not like, asking him to take me on a picnic lunch, I said i wanna screw him. Come oooooooooooooooooon.


----------



## inane

I think what's more demoralizing than being alone is to date someone you have zero attraction or interest in, and vice-versa. And unfortunately, that's all I've been getting the past while.

Sucks but I think I just have to resign myself to being single, and not finding a relationship again for a few years. It took four years into adulthood to find someone I was crazy for... Not unreasonable to assume it would take another four after it ended.


----------



## pied vert

maybe I'm being dramatic, I have the sh*ttiest self-esteem after all, but I don't know any more if he's going to message. 

He probably will, I mean it just makes no sense that he doesn't. He seemed to like me a lot. He said he'll "have me next time". He was kissing my feet, he was kissing me on my temple as I was calling an uber, he asked if he'd get to see me again. All I said is that I want to **** him this week. Isn't that a gooooooood thing?


----------



## veron

Why is it so hard to find a male who doesn't smoke and/or do drugs?


----------



## Kevin001

pied vert said:


> Isn't that a gooooooood thing?


:yes I have no idea why the guy hasn't contacted you back. Any other guy would be on it.


----------



## pied vert

Kevin001 said:


> :yes I have no idea why the guy hasn't contacted you back. Any other guy would be on it.


me neither! I mean, I'm not saying that I can't imagine why any guy might possibly not want me. but he _told _me that he thinks I'm sexy, that he likes me, that he had fun with me, that he wants to see me again, that we'd have sex next time. he sent me out with a bunch of kisses and texted me within 10 minutes to make sure I got there okay. and that I'm a good kisser. Smiley faces.

when I texted him on saturday, he said he'd "love to" finish what we started, and he'd get back to me about when he could meet this week.

So it makes zero sense that he'd just vanish. It must be just a matter of how long it'll take. Maybe he just is super busy? But he could have at least texted me by now to figure something out...
I know he has sex a fair amount though, so maybe he's just not obsessing about it as much as I am. Or he's seeing other girls this week...

Anyway, thanks for the sanity check. I needed that!


----------



## Kevin001

pied vert said:


> me neither! I mean, I'm not saying that I can't imagine why any guy might possibly not want me. but he _told _me that he thinks I'm sexy, that he likes me, that he had fun with me, that he wants to see me again, that we'd have sex next time. he sent me out with a bunch of kisses and texted me within 10 minutes to make sure I got there okay. and that I'm a good kisser. Smiley faces.
> 
> when I texted him on saturday, he said he'd "love to" finish what we started, and he'd get back to me about when he could meet this week.
> 
> So it makes zero sense that he'd just vanish. It must be just a matter of how long it'll take. Maybe he just is super busy? But he could have at least texted me by now to figure something out...
> I know he has sex a fair amount though, so maybe he's just not obsessing about it as much as I am. Or he's seeing other girls this week...
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the sanity check. I needed that!


I would give him the benefit of the doubt. But would you be mad if he was seeing other girls? I mean you guys aren't exclusive right? Anyways yeah you're sane, lol .


----------



## pied vert

^^
it wouldn't bother me so much that he's seeing other girls, but just that he doesn't want to see me.

Anyway, I just signed onto the same dating site I met him on, and saw that he was online. So, he clearly _does _have some time, he just doesn't want to message me. I'll have to forget him, too, I guess.


----------



## veron

pied vert said:


> So it makes zero sense that he'd just vanish.


From my experience, dating in general makes zero sense. I too have been on dates that I thought went well, or had guys pursue me, only to suddenly vanish for no apparent reason.


----------



## pied vert

veron said:


> From my experience, dating in general makes zero sense. I too have been on dates that I thought went well, or had guys pursue me, only to suddenly vanish for no apparent reason.


maybe they found somebody else .... :/

i really don't know how to feel at all. I thought for sure this time I wouldn't be disappointed because my expectations were so bare.


----------



## xxDark Horse

veron said:


> Why is it so hard to find a male who doesn't smoke and/or do drugs?


Maybe because all the guys you like happen to be restaurant workers. =P Chances are if you ever work at a restaurant, more than half of guys who work there are smokers.

I work at a restaurant part time and almost everybody there smokes or does drugs. I think i'm the only bus boy/dishwasher who doesn't.


----------



## nitepaws

All women have to do is approach the guy they like. Also hygiene is important, but should already be doing that.


----------



## Invisiblehandicap

Im not going to be dating anyone until I overcome my physical illness. I'll stick to looking at cute guys pics on here for now


----------



## pied vert

okay, I sent him a goodbye text this morning along the lines of "well if it's not going to happen, I had fun anyway and take care" and he replied saying he's only finally gotten over that cold I gave him, and sorry for not texting. he asked me how I am and said he hasn't forgotten about me
....
..
:boogie


----------



## Q003

signed up on c-date in hope of getting rid of my virginity.


----------



## saline

Q003 said:


> signed up on c-date in hope of getting rid of my virginity.


Never heard of C date.
Let me know how it goes.
My virginity has grown back so I need to get out there again!
It's so hard for guys, though!

At least for a girl, if it was just a matter of wanting sex, all you have to do is let it be known that that's what you want, and you'll have a stack of guys queueing up!


----------



## Q003

saline said:


> Never heard of C date.
> Let me know how it goes.
> My virginity has grown back so I need to get out there again!
> It's so hard for guys, though!
> 
> At least for a girl, if it was just a matter of wanting sex, all you have to do is let it be known that that's what you want, and you'll have a stack of guys queueing up!


maybe it's more known here, but idk really. i just googled casual dating website and found an article that compared 3 of them, and i just signed up for that one.... never heard of it before my google search either. men have to pay 40 euro per month though to be on that website while it's free for women (btw probably true that in general men have it kinda harder... ^^)

well some men there messaged me but only one of them (he's 25yo) lives close enough, and he looks cute on the pic which makes me more shy. but i hear for casual sex it doesn't matter for guys how ugly the girl is. i'd still need to take a couple of benzos though if i decide to meet him but i'm worried he'll offer me alcohol as i know you shouldn't drink when you took benzos. 
also i think i should inform him that i'm a virgin. but he's probably on that website to find sex with experienced women, not with awkward virgins who can't do much. it's not gonna be good sex for him. i am too shy to tell him i'm a 23 yo virgin, what if he will reject me.
also before the sex we have to have some kind of small talk and i am really bad at that. he will think "no wonder that ugly awkward mutant freak girl is still a virgin hahaha".
idk what to do. 
i'll probably do it, as my situation is not going to get better anyway and there's nothing i should wait for. i will never be non-awkward or non-anxious, nor beautiful, and i'm only getting an older virgin. but i'm scared.


----------



## Q003

nevermind, i already deleted my profile. i'm just an ugly dump with a social handicap and mental illnesses. it's practically impossible for me to have an erotic encounter.


----------



## saline

Q003 said:


> nevermind, i already deleted my profile. i'm just an ugly dump with a social handicap and mental illnesses. it's practically impossible for me to have an erotic encounter.


Maybe there's a guy on here from Germany who could sort you out?!
It sounds like it's more the social side of the encounter that makes it too hard for you?

Without that aspect, as a girl, (even an ugly one which I bet you're not) it's impossible to imagine not being able to get sex for the sake of sex alone.
If you ask a few random guys in a club for sex near the end of the night, the ones who haven't 'pulled' yet would take ANYTHING home! Trust me. I've spent years going to clubs lol

Maybe meeting someone else who also has SA would make that part easier as you could just both laugh about it as you both know where each other is 'coming from' and thus take the pressure away from any small talk/social exchanges etc.

Don't worry too much about the being a virgin side of things. You can PM and pick my brain about this if you like


----------



## tea111red

nitepaws said:


> All women have to do is approach the guy they like.


:no yeah, right. men reject women, too.


----------



## inane

My phone was dead most of the day, which is just as well because ex-FWB texted again suggesting we see a movie together... as friends. Clarifying that there will be no cuddling or hand-holding.

We've tried this "friends" thing before and we always just go back to touching each other inappropriately. And I wouldn't have minded. I would have gone lol... which would not have been good decision-making on my part.

Forgetting to charge my phone was a good thing for once.


----------



## pied vert

I went on a date today with an attractive guy, and he even gave me a goodbye kiss and a "let's see each other again" text, but all I could think about is mr. smokes a lot of cigarettes & weed. agh, I want him. 

he still hasn't asked to see me, but this time I'm not upset about it. because if he told me he hasn't forgotten about me and was saying nice things and didn't mean them, he's got problems. even if he never asks, I think I can finally be mature enough to take away from the experience just the fun that I had.


----------



## gunner21

pied vert said:


> I went on a date today with an attractive guy, and he even gave me a goodbye kiss and a "let's see each other again" text, but all I could think about is mr. smokes a lot of cigarettes & weed. agh, I want him.
> 
> he still hasn't asked to see me, but this time I'm not upset about it. because if he told me he hasn't forgotten about me and was saying nice things and didn't mean them, he's got problems.* even if he never asks, I think I can finally be mature enough to take away from the experience just the fun that I had.*


Good job on that. That's how dating should be looked at imo


----------



## allthatsparkles

Gwynevere said:


> Similar to the other thread, post what you're doing to try to find someone, or your ideas on what you should do to find someone, or if you have a bf/been successful what you did to get him.
> 
> Mostly making the thread to get advice since I'm completely clueless. So far I've been trying out getting comfortable just making eye contact and being able to smile, I'm close to being able to say hi to someone I think but I have no idea what I'd say.
> 
> *Staff edit: Please click the link below and read it before posting. Thanks.*
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1074341794-post494.html
> 
> *Update: This thread was given another chance, but it won't be given any more.*
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/1076955066-post1620.html


Dressing up, wearing make-up, putting effort into my appearance, and trying to get out and meet as many people as possible. I don't have the guts to try online dating and still feel a bit too young for it, so I'm just trying to find opportunities to go out and meet new people naturally, and hopefully, it will lead me to the right person.


----------



## rm123

Mating call
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nitepaws

tea111red said:


> :no yeah, right. men reject women, too.


You're right. Not sure what I was thinking saying that. Even _if_ it were true, then it should be true for males as well.


----------



## marcel177

Shaving their hairy legs.


----------



## rm123

marcel177 said:


> Shaving their hairy legs.


If a guy can't accept that I have a body that grows hair then he's not someone who I would pay the slightet bit attention to xo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inane

Hand in your man cards, male SAS whiners in this thread.

I initiated a kiss with a guy tonight, which led into full on making out. Don't see any of _you _who come here to b-tch being so brave!


----------



## veron

^good work, lol

----

I saw the most beautiful guy ever... he comes in the dance class that starts right after mine. It's rare for me to find somebody this physically attractive. He has these huge blue eyes - and I typically go for dark featured men. He's an exception to the rules. We never talk, though. I just see him when he comes in for his class. Of course, I'm nowhere near as courageous as some other ladies on here and cannot even muster the courage to look at him and smile.


----------



## inane

I'm like this right now: :banana :banana :banana

I just said to him, "I'd like to kiss you first" in the middle of a conversation and went in. And just having enough guts to go under his shirt and grab his butt (don't ask). And plant a big kiss on him again before leaving.

How's that for us girls not doing anything to "get a boy".

*Gentlemeeeenn, your plate of crow is ready!!! Don't make me call you out by name*


----------



## inane

That's funny, I'm so used to getting jumped on for my posts here, whether directly or passive-aggressively. Where is everyone? I mean, all we women do is sit here and look pretty.

I've been contacting my ex-FWB to chat a little again. I would like to be friendly if we can be.

And that boyfriend, my first love, that left me heartbroken for a year and from whom I hadn't fully moved on from? I've been thinking about contacting him again for closure, because I can't wait seven years to finally move on (something my ex-FWB said- that it took him 7 years to move on from his first heartbreak). Just seeing him once more, to give him a hug- Because I never said goodbye when we broke up.

Because my heart never said goodbye. It's something I need to do. Ain't nobody got seven years to lift that weight. One year was enough.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> I just said to him, "I'd like to kiss you first" in the middle of a conversation and went in. And just having enough guts to go under his shirt and grab his butt (don't ask). And plant a big kiss on him again before leaving.


Hot. Sounds like something from a steamy novel. Always gotta respect a bold woman that makes the first move.


----------



## inane

McFly said:


> Hot. Sounds like something from a steamy novel. Always gotta respect a bold woman that makes the first move.


Thanks, I appreciate that.

And yeah I was getting impatient.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> That's funny, I'm so used to getting jumped on for my posts here, whether directly or passive-aggressively. Where is everyone? I mean, all we women do is sit here and look pretty.
> 
> I've been contacting my ex-FWB to chat a little again. I would like to be friendly if we can be.
> 
> And that boyfriend, my first love, that left me heartbroken for a year and from whom I hadn't fully moved on from? I've been thinking about contacting him again for closure, because I can't wait seven years to finally move on (something my ex-FWB said- that it took him 7 years to move on from his first heartbreak). Just seeing him once more, to give him a hug- Because I never said goodbye when we broke up.
> 
> Because my heart never said goodbye. It's something I need to do. Ain't nobody got seven years to lift that weight. One year was enough.


Good job on initiating the kiss. We need more people with direct intentions. I recently tried to kiss a date as well, and well, let's just say it didn't as well as it did with you.


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Good job on initiating the kiss. We need more people with direct intentions. I recently tried to kiss a date as well, and well, let's just say it didn't as well as it did with you.


Thanks gunner, although I wasn't referring to you- you're one of the mature and respectful ones here.

I'm sorry to hear that... Yeah it can be a tough call sometimes. You really have to be sure of the other person's feelings, or be in a total I-don't-give-a-fck mood to go for it. Initiating seems simple but it takes a massive amount of intestinal fortitude.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> Thanks gunner, although I wasn't referring to you- you're one of the mature and respectful ones here.
> 
> I'm sorry to hear that... Yeah it can be a tough call sometimes. You really have to be sure of the other person's feelings, or be in a total I-don't-give-a-fck mood to go for it. Initiating seems simple but it takes a massive amount of intestinal fortitude.


Well I have no idea how ****ed it up tbh. All the signs were there, she invited me back to her place after the date, she was laughing at all my terrible jokes, said she was having fun and was OK with physical contact up to that point. I just decided to go for it and she turned her face away.

Idk, maybe she isn't attracted to me physically or something. Oh well...


----------



## inane

gunner21 said:


> Well I have no idea how ****ed it up tbh. All the signs were there, she invited me back to her place after the date, she was laughing at all my terrible jokes, said she was having fun and was OK with physical contact up to that point. I just decided to go for it and she turned her face away.
> 
> Idk, maybe she isn't attracted to me physically or something. Oh well...


OH!! Dude no don't jump to that conclusion. I actually do that a lot too, and in fact, even did it to the guy I was with last night at a few points. If she's letting you touch her, then I would bet she's attracted... but kissing is quite intimate to a lot of people, so maybe give it some time.

While making out last night, it got to be too much for me, and I'd pull back and kiss his neck instead. If she didn't pull away from you completely, I wouldn't be discouraged. It may just need some patience.

Good work on getting so far into the dates by the way! Being invited to someone's home is a big step.


----------



## gunner21

inane said:


> OH!! Dude no don't jump to that conclusion. I actually do that a lot too, and in fact, even did it to the guy I was with last night at a few points. If she's letting you touch her, then I would bet she's attracted... but kissing is quite intimate to a lot of people, so maybe give it some time.
> 
> While making out last night, it got to be too much for me, and I'd pull back and kiss his neck instead. If she didn't pull away from you completely, I wouldn't be discouraged. It may just need some patience.
> 
> Good work on getting so far into the dates by the way! Being invited to someone's home is a big step.


Well idk ever since that night I've noticed she talks a lot less and not as much. Idk, something must have happened.

Thank you! I've gone on four dates in the past 6 months, but I've noticed each one has become longer (hour, 4 hours, 6 hours and the last one was 8 hours). No second dates yet though.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> That's funny, I'm so used to getting jumped on for my posts here, whether directly or passive-aggressively. Where is everyone? I mean, all we women do is sit here and look pretty.


:lol Well, it's not hard to figure this out. You knew the chance of him turning you away was slim to none, so that made you more confident that you'd get what you wanted. How many men would turn down a woman initiating a kiss? Easy to go after something when you're certain of a favorable outcome. Sorry to downplay your effort, but you asked.


----------



## inane

jsgt said:


> :lol Well, it's not hard to figure this out. You knew the chance of him turning you away was slim to none, so that made you more confident that you'd get what you wanted. How many men would turn down a woman initiating a kiss? Easy to go after something when you're certain of a favorable outcome. Sorry to downplay your effort, but you asked.


Lol. You know, a concept you *may not comprehend* is that not everyone is as desolate as the people on this forum- myself included.

The guy I made out with is very good-looking (tall, conventionally attractive French Canadian dude), extremely intelligent, is very far past the point of his career people his age are, very extroverted and social, and had spent part of our date telling me about women he's had to reject because they were "ugly". He wasn't being unkind FYI- I initiated the topic, and he decided to be candid. (A lot of sangria was involved).

If he were attracted to me, couldn't I have assumed _he _would have kissed _me_? I was putting moves on him- squeezing and running my hand over his inner thigh as we talked. He still wouldn't make a move, so I did.

But thanks, you just figured it out for me. The men here with your bigoted viewpoint simply lack perspective- *That not every guy out there is as desolate as we are here. *Try not to project  Just because _you _can't imagine yourself turning down any woman wanting a kiss doesn't mean every other dude out there- ones with platitudes of options- are the same way.

Perhaps mentally, you're perceiving if I had done the same to a guy on THIS forum- who may not have had a date in years, or had any intimacy in a decade, or are still virgins- would not have turned me down. (Which in practice I would doubt is true, because you guys are actually way better than you give yourselves credit for). But generally the guys I see don't fit into this demographic, are confident people, and actually have very high, justified standards.

Standards I fall very short of, if you knew me.

And thus, SAS's subtext.


----------



## inane

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Yeah, if I was a woman I'd probably just hook up all the time, I wouldn't be afraid of getting labeled a creep or perv for making a move, I wouldn't be afraid of getting rejected or made fun of.


Yeah, you were one of the guys I was originally referring to.

There's pleasure and self-indulgence in despair... and convincing yourself that your shortfalls aren't your fault, or in your control to affect. Everyone faces rejection.

But if you're telling me that you HAVE tried and it simply hasn't turned out for you, then I take it all back. My gloating is really just towards the ones who don't even make a half-assed attempt to help themselves, and go around feeling jealous and bitter towards women for some erroneously conceived notion that we just have to exist and we'll find someone.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

inane said:


> But if you're telling me that you HAVE tried and it simply hasn't turned out for you, then I take it all back. My gloating is really just towards the ones who don't even make a half-assed attempt to help themselves, and go around feeling jealous and bitter towards women for some erroneously conceived notion that we just have to exist and we'll find someone.


Tried what? What are you looking for me to have done, force my mouth onto a woman and hope she doesn't scream and call the cops? I can't just randomly kiss a woman on a date if she doesn't seem into it, that's actually dangerous for me, physically and legally dangerous. I have been on multiple dates, I've tried hard to be entertaining and enjoyable to be around. It doesn't ****ing work. Women do not want an awkward, anxious man. It's worse than being a criminal or druggie.


----------



## inane

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Tried what? What are you looking for me to have done, force my mouth onto a woman and hope she doesn't scream and call the cops? I can't just randomly kiss a woman on a date if she doesn't seem into it, that's actually dangerous for me, physically and legally dangerous. I have been on multiple dates, I've tried hard to be entertaining and enjoyable to be around. It doesn't ****ing work. Women do not want an awkward, anxious man. It's worse than being a criminal or druggie.


Or you could have done what I done... Wait till you're kind of close, make incremental moves (their reaction to lightly caressing an upper arm or thigh is an excellent indicator). If she's not pulling away, move so your faces are closer and just murmur matter-of-factly, "I'd like to kiss you." Then do it.

Obviously, don't go for it if she doesn't seem into it at any point. That's begging for rejection.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> Lol. You know, a concept you *may not comprehend* is that not everyone is as desolate as the people on this forum- myself included.


I know it might be hard to believe, but this thought didn't even enter my mind. I don't categorize men like you seem to be doing. There aren't all the normal men out there...then you have the desolate men here. It's kinda sad to think that way actually. It took guts to initiate, so props for doing that...but I still think you knew there was a slim chance that your advance would be rejected in this case, so that made you more bold. BTW, if you're thinking this is bad...it's not. Women initiating things is good! Men don't because they're unsure and therefore, hesitant.


----------



## inane

jsgt said:


> I know it might be hard to believe, but this thought didn't even enter my mind. I don't categorize men like you seem to be doing. There aren't all the normal men out there...then you have the desolate men here. It's kinda sad to think that way actually. It took guts to initiate, so props for doing that...but I still think you knew there was a slim chance that your advance would be rejected in this case, so that made you more bold. BTW, if you're thinking this is bad...it's not. Women initiating things is good! Men don't because they're unsure and therefore, hesitant.


I did know there was a slim chance he'd reject me. But did you really expect me to kiss someone who I knew _would _reject me? I was giving signs that I wouldn't have rejected a kiss from him as well (including rubbing his neck and inner thigh)- yet, he didn't make the move. I did.

My point is that dating isn't as passive a process for women as guys here want to believe.

I've been in situations where the guy wasn't interested... But why the hell would you persist in a situation where you'd be rejected? Like yeah, I should force a kiss on a guy who's trying to get my hand off of him. That will earn me points here for bravery! :lol

Edit: Removed something that's become too personal-attackish. Bah, who am I kidding, I just came here to gloat because I've never done something like what happened on Friday night before. Enjoy your Easter weekend.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> I did know there was a slim chance he'd reject me.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

inane said:


> Edit: Removed something that's become too personal-attackish. Bah, who am I kidding, I just came here to gloat because I've never done something like what happened on Friday night before. Enjoy your Easter weekend.


Yeah, go ahead and be happy about your success, but leave out this SAS men are so pathetic and desperate bull****. Can you be happy without putting down half this site.....


----------



## inane

jsgt said:


>


And you conveniently decided to leave out the rest of my quote.

Look, it's a sad day when someone like me is giving you dating advice. But don't try to kiss a girl when she's rejecting all your moves leading to it. If you get rejected at that point, it's your own damn fault LOL. Emphasizing that it isn't the fact that you're male, but YOUR fault specifically.

I'm hardly going to complain about my ex-FWB not wanting me to be his girlfriend when he's been clear about it. If I continue with the hopes and presumptions I could change his mind, that's on me. I wouldn't go start blaming men for being afraid to commit, having too high standards, etc. If the implicit message was there, faking ignorance or insisting on denial isn't an excuse.


----------



## inane

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Yeah, go ahead and be happy about your success, but leave out this SAS men are so pathetic and desperate bull****. Your post only confirms what every guy has already been saying, not a single ****ing person reading this thread is surprised by what you posted. 'woman doesn't get rejected' 'woman manages to date up' wow, it's like the world turned upside down or something :roll


Have a happy Easter, man. I was really just fishing for a props for what I felt was a personal dating success.

Telling about my dating failures and humiliations here has done nothing, telling about my successes have done nothing. I'm completely invalidated simply based on the fact that I have a vagina, basically. Anyways, I'll show myself out.


----------



## jsgt

inane said:


> And you conveniently decided to leave out the rest of my quote.
> 
> Look, it's a sad day when someone like me is giving you dating advice. But don't try to kiss a girl when she's rejecting all your moves leading to it. If you get rejected at that point, it's your own damn fault LOL. Emphasizing that it isn't the fact that you're male, but YOUR fault specifically.
> 
> I'm hardly going to complain about my ex-FWB not wanting me to be his girlfriend when he's been clear about it. If I continue with the hopes and presumptions I could change his mind, that's on me. I wouldn't go start blaming men for being afraid to commit, having too high standards, etc. If the implicit message was there, faking ignorance or insisting on denial isn't an excuse.


Come on! I left out the rest of your quote because it didn't pertain to the point I was originally trying to make. Makes sense, right? No? Well, it should. You know what I think? Me, you, and Wings should get together and have an orgy. That's clearly the only way to settle this disagreement. :whip


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> Have a happy Easter, man. I was really just fishing for a props for what I felt was a personal dating success.
> 
> Telling about my dating failures and humiliations here has done nothing, telling about my successes have done nothing. I'm completely invalidated simply based on the fact that I have a vagina, basically. Anyways, I'll show myself out.


aw man, getting put down after something so happy is just too sad! 
_major _props for your initiative. I totally know what that feeling is like. Some nights there is just something in the air. Enjoying yourself in the moment gives you this exhilaration and sense of power that makes you just ..take what you want.

I am actually quite inspired to take similar action on my own now, but: where do you find such guys?!


----------



## pied vert

So he did text me at some point, and a couple friends had pre-advised me to not respond if he waited to text "at some point" - but like, eff that??? 
We went for a couple drinks yesterday, and I was actually quite tipsy quite fast. I think my excitement was also intoxicating me, as cheesy as that is. Because I had the same amount of beer the day before with someone else, and I did not enjoy their company as much, so i ended up feeling sleepy and actually quite bluesy that night. 
With him, one beer in and I was just squirming in my chair haha.

It was good and bad: the point was to have sex, that was the understanding. He tried to be a gentleman I guess, so he wouldn't take me until we had "hung out" sufficiently, so we spent a lot of time doing that. That part was fun. Then when it was time... to sum it up, my inexperience and lack of being on the pill made it difficult for him to make things work, because he's used to things being much easier. 
That part made me feel bad about myself. I also think I overstayed my welcome. I just couldn't bring myself to offer to leave, and he was looking at me, wondering, obviously not saying anything. He was still asking me if I wanted to see him again, but I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his mind about that. I just am probably too inexperienced for him to get anything out of this.
I say it was good as well, though, because f-ck... even if he didn't enjoy himself as much as I did, I loved every second I spent in his company. He is incredibly beautiful. I can remember all his angles in that spotlight of his. Marble skin, smiling at me, friendly eyes, soft hair. We spent so long just cradling each other, talking and then not talking too. And it's an experience that will most definitely help me just prepare for the next time


----------



## veron

gunner21 said:


> I've gone on four dates in the past 6 months, but I've noticed each one has become longer (hour, 4 hours, 6 hours and the last one was 8 hours). No second dates yet though.


The women in your area must be insane. I cannot imagine being on a date with someone for 6 hours - which would happen only if I _really_ liked him and got along with him - and then never wanting to see him again.


----------



## inane

pied vert said:


> aw man, getting put down after something so happy is just too sad!
> _major _props for your initiative. I totally know what that feeling is like. Some nights there is just something in the air. Enjoying yourself in the moment gives you this exhilaration and sense of power that makes you just ..take what you want.
> 
> I am actually quite inspired to take similar action on my own now, but: where do you find such guys?!


Haha it's okay. I don't understand the staunch bitterness, and I'll take it as a good thing that I don't  I've been very depressed for most of the past year, so trust me, no online person is going to devalue my joy over this :lol

And aww thank-you, sweetie :squeeze Yeah I couldn't stop smiling the day after... Like, it feels good to want someone, who seems to want you. He's really hot and a really lovely person. We haven't spoken to each other since but he's definitely been on my mind.

I met this guy at a Chess club actually! He was the organizer. He didn't have time to run it anymore so he eventually closed it down, but we exchanged numbers to stay in touch. Friday was the second time we hung out alone outside the meetup group. I got lucky because he's a wonderful person. I also attend some cooking and language exchange meetups (because Quebec and all...), and a pretty cool crowd attends those too.

I don't go into them expecting to find a date, but sometimes stuff just happens. And I ended up making out with my hot chess group organizer :b


----------



## inane

pied vert said:


> So he did text me at some point, and a couple friends had pre-advised me to not respond if he waited to text "at some point" - but like, eff that???
> We went for a couple drinks yesterday, and I was actually quite tipsy quite fast. I think my excitement was also intoxicating me, as cheesy as that is. Because I had the same amount of beer the day before with someone else, and I did not enjoy their company as much, so i ended up feeling sleepy and actually quite bluesy that night.
> With him, one beer in and I was just squirming in my chair haha.
> 
> It was good and bad: the point was to have sex, that was the understanding. He tried to be a gentleman I guess, so he wouldn't take me until we had "hung out" sufficiently, so we spent a lot of time doing that. That part was fun. Then when it was time... to sum it up, my inexperience and lack of being on the pill made it difficult for him to make things work, because he's used to things being much easier.
> That part made me feel bad about myself. I also think I overstayed my welcome. I just couldn't bring myself to offer to leave, and he was looking at me, wondering, obviously not saying anything. He was still asking me if I wanted to see him again, but I wouldn't be surprised if he changes his mind about that. I just am probably too inexperienced for him to get anything out of this.
> I say it was good as well, though, because f-ck... even if he didn't enjoy himself as much as I did, I loved every second I spent in his company. He is incredibly beautiful. I can remember all his angles in that spotlight of his. Marble skin, smiling at me, friendly eyes, soft hair. We spent so long just cradling each other, talking and then not talking too. And it's an experience that will most definitely help me just prepare for the next time


I'm glad you had a good time!! Yeah I don't really enjoy the "wait x days to text" or "play it cool" way of going about dating... You seem very brave and bold, and with such a healthy and positive perspective. Life really is about experiences and taking them forward to make the next one better.



veron said:


> The women in your area must be insane. I cannot imagine being on a date with someone for 6 hours - which would happen only if I _really_ liked him and got along with him - and then never wanting to see him again.


Yeah I agree. No one is going to make me spend that much time on a date with a guy I don't like, and NO WAY IN HELL would I invite a date into my home if I wasn't into him. I'd put my bet on something going on with the girl, like maybe not having moved on from a breakup or something. Meeting someone and getting intimate too soon could bring up painful feelings, and distance is a way of remedying it.


----------



## Kanova

@inane It's okay, most of the men here are "desolate" and bitter towards women, so it isn't really a surprise that you got a reaction from your success. I find it kind of funny actually, but that is probably just because I am a sadistic **** who finds anything funny.









Anyway, keep posting success ladies!


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Kanova said:


> @*inane* It's okay, most of the men here are "desolate" and bitter towards women, so it isn't really a surprise that you got a reaction from your success. I find it kind of funny actually, but that is probably just because I am a sadistic **** who finds anything funny.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway, keep posting success ladies!


Actually no. No one made a bitter comment on her success. In fact, she posted herself, 'i'm surprised no one attacked me for this'.


----------



## tehuti88

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Yeah, if I was a woman I'd probably just hook up all the time, I wouldn't be afraid of getting labeled a creep or perv for making a move, I wouldn't be afraid of getting rejected or made fun of.


Nah, you'd just have to be afraid of getting made fun of and labeled as a sl*t or a w***e and having _certain guys_ insist you're "all used up" and you're "leftovers" and that you're the type of woman they want to bang but never want to have a relationship with. Oh, and you'd probably also deal with unfounded accusations of using men and leading them on and only wanting them for their money or some such. And heaven forbid you should get pregnant, that's a whole other can of worms that would be _solely your fault_ (even though a man was involved somewhere).

That's all though, no biggie, right?

Not even mentioning the fact that you seem to assume that if you were female, you'd be desirable and you'd suddenly no longer have social anxiety. Yeah... :lol I almost wish you _could_ turn into a woman, you'd be quite unpleasantly surprised to find the anxiety is still very much there.



Wings of Amnesty said:


> I'm too pathetic and desolate for her. She wouldn't want an orgy with someone like me when she can go date hot, successful, very extroverted, picky men knowing that she has a slim chance of being rejected.


*Thread title: "What are you doing to get a boy?" Meaning women are GOING to be talking about what they're doing or not doing, how they're failing--or succeeding.* You kind of have to know what you get when you come into this thread.

I deliberately stay out of (don't even read) the "What are you doing to get a girl?" or whatever it is thread because 1. it's not aimed at my demographic, and 2. I know I'd feel utterly miserable seeing yet more of what guys here think of women like me. (Yeah...lonely guys can be picky too. Witness how many foreveraloners here "just want a hot girl.")

Well...how about you try out the same thing with this thread? Stop the mental self-flagellating? Obviously reading the success stories here--including this recent story of _a woman making the first move_, something guys here beg us to do all the time--isn't giving you any boost of confidence.

It's almost like you specifically come to this thread just to beat yourself up and/or find more reasons to become even more bitter. Does that give you a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day...? :|

...

Woman waits for a guy to approach--"Do something more! Don't just sit there and expect us to do everything!"

Woman does the approaching--"Well that's hardly a triumph, why are you even happy you succeeded? And why are you rubbing it in our faces?? :cry "

Sometimes I'm glad I don't try and don't have many successes in life if this is the sort of reaction such things draw here. I wonder if these threads would fare better if they were located in the Positive Thinking or Triumphs section...? Because people here seem to avoid that area more than other areas, specifically BECAUSE it's so triumphant. Maybe replies would be more supportive then.

(I really admire the guys here who _have_ been supportive, even in the midst of their own frustration.)


----------



## inane

Kanova said:


> @*inane* It's okay, most of the men here are "desolate" and bitter towards women, so it isn't really a surprise that you got a reaction from your success. I find it kind of funny actually, but that is probably just because I am a sadistic **** who finds anything funny.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway, keep posting success ladies!


I am desolate, so maybe I was projecting. If it's not true for others here like I have observed, then I'm glad. It's not exactly something I wish on others.

But the amount of... I don't even know what you call it- resentment towards women in dating that I find here- isn't something I understand very well. Where does the resentment come from, if not desolation?

I have a massive arsenal of self-pitying stories too, like crying so much over a broken heart and despair that strangers on the street would give me tissues, even offer to give me their jacket, and ask if someone had hurt me. The state of mind I was in was pure "desolation". I guess to avoid that kind of pain, it's reflected in other ways such as anger or resentment or bitterness... which makes sense. 0/10 would not recommend what I went through.

I dunno what I'm rambling about anymore. I shouldn't even be on this thread anymore.


----------



## Kanova

inane said:


> I am desolate, so maybe I was projecting. If it's not true for others here like I have observed, then I'm glad. It's not exactly something I wish on others.
> 
> But the amount of... I don't even know what you call it- resentment towards women in dating that I find here- isn't something I understand very well. Where does the resentment come from, if not desolation?


If you're desolate, then you have made quite the stride in grabbing some hot french dudes ***, kissing him and not getting rejected. Good work reading signals, as you were saying that **** is pretty important. And hey, you musn't be that bad looking, and must have a good personality if this guy who you claim is super hot and picky didn't refuse you. I hope it all works out.

I am assuming the resentment comes from rejections. Or, as in the Elliot case, jealousy of seeing men have girlfriends.



Wings of Amnesty said:


> ^It comes from you, baiting it out. You want to know why you get angry comments about your dating posts,* it's because you talk about men and socially anxious men like we're disgusting and beneath you*, you seek out fights over, you insult us. It's you, that's causing the posts and attitudes that you're complaining about.


Can you post those comments? I'm too lazy to look through a **** ton of pages to find them, but if you know where they are....


----------



## Wings of Amnesty

Kanova said:


> Can you post those comments? I'm too lazy to look through a **** ton of pages to find them, but if you know where they are....


I don't know where they are, this thread is very long. I also know things get deleted constantly each time a fight breaks out so they might not even still be around. Just keep an eye on the thread. When guys start posting, it usually means inane said something awful about us.


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> The women in your area must be insane. I cannot imagine being on a date with someone for 6 hours - which would happen only if I _really_ liked him and got along with him - and then never wanting to see him again.


Funny you mention that one. I remember the next day she texted me and said she wasn't attracted to me physically, but enjoyed my company. I guess spending so much time makes sense in a "I enjoyed your company, but don't find you attractive enough for it to go anywhere".


----------



## inane

Kanova said:


> If you're desolate, then you have made quite the stride in grabbing some hot french dudes ***, kissing him and not getting rejected. Good work reading signals, as you were saying that **** is pretty important. And hey, you musn't be that bad looking, and must have a good personality if this guy who you claim is super hot and picky didn't refuse you. I hope it all works out.
> 
> I am assuming the resentment comes from rejections. Or, as in the Elliot case, jealousy of seeing men have girlfriends.


He's not necessarily picky, but someone on the previous page or two was claiming how no guy would turn down a woman kissing him (I assume to invalidate my initiating). Then it somehow escalated. He is indeed a sweetheart though, so thank-you for your kind words. I don't intend on it going anywhere, it was just a fun night.

Mr. Amnesty tends to read too much into what I post, or extrapolate malicious meanings that weren't there (or at least intended). I have no problems with him or anyone here besides this pervasive and complete resistance to have any empathy for women with SA. I _was _baiting for acknowledgement of what I did, however begrudging, so I had it coming.


----------



## inane

He texted asking if I wanted to get dinner and wine this week.

I haven't had sex in four months, this one is practically gift-wrapped on a gold platter for me...

And I'm saying no. 

Someone give me a goddamn medal for self-control.


----------



## inane

I don't care if I get roasted here for this or it feeds into some negative circle.

Someone stopped me at the mall this afternoon to tell me I looked like a movie star, and proceeded to make small talk and say he wanted to get to know me. Did I know he was trying to pick me up? Sure. Was he young and hot and Russian (*drools*)? YUP.

I asked for his number so we could keep in touch. I expect absolutely nothing to come from this but damn, I am extremely flattered.

I really like the other guy though... and want to be serious if there is anything, even if it means absolutely nothing to him. 

But I don't think there is anything.


----------



## inane

Sooo me and Guy #1 (from Chess club) have a casual fun date planned for Saturday night. He's a good dude, extremely intelligent, awesome personality, and I care about him... And he's definitely the type I would want to date seriously. I'm feeling excited to see him. And it feels like it's been a while since I last felt that way for someone.

Guy #2 (from the mall) had been texting me to meet up for a first date, and I suggested coffee or drinks after work probably next week. 

If I had any indication Guy #1 liked me as much as I liked him I would not want to see any other guy... but it doesn't seem like he is, so meh. So why not? A coffee after work with some cute Russian guy. I'll take it. I like coffee.


----------



## Kanova

inane said:


> Sooo me and Guy #1 (from Chess club) have a casual fun date planned for Saturday night. He's a good dude, extremely intelligent, awesome personality, and I care about him... And he's definitely the type I would want to date seriously. I'm feeling excited to see him. And it feels like it's been a while since I last felt that way for someone.
> 
> Guy #2 (from the mall) had been texting me to meet up for a first date, and I suggested coffee or drinks after work probably next week.
> 
> If I had any indication Guy #1 liked me as much as I liked him I would not want to see any other guy... but it doesn't seem like he is, so meh. So why not? A coffee after work with some cute Russian guy. I'll take it. I like coffee.


I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping a couple of prospective options while you wait to see if what you want will work out.


----------



## sajs

inane said:


> Sooo me and Guy #1 (from Chess club) have a casual fun date planned for Saturday night. He's a good dude, extremely intelligent, awesome personality, and I care about him... And he's definitely the type I would want to date seriously. I'm feeling excited to see him. And it feels like it's been a while since I last felt that way for someone.
> 
> Guy #2 (from the mall) had been texting me to meet up for a first date, and I suggested coffee or drinks after work probably next week.
> 
> If I had any indication Guy #1 liked me as much as I liked him I would not want to see any other guy... but it doesn't seem like he is, so meh. So why not? A coffee after work with some cute Russian guy. I'll take it. I like coffee.


Chicks and their meh's, they must be descendants from sheeps.

So, you make an assumption based on no evidence (other than "what it looks like") instead of knowing the actual answer that you could simply know by asking "Guy #1" - as you call him-, right?

Well, since we all like to hypotetisize, lets picture the following scenario:

Guy #1 is in the same place as you are. You settle the date with Guy #2 in a romantic parisienne coffee shop, both of you meet and are having a lovely autum afternoon. Suddenly, out of nowhere, just like magic, Guy #1, who is passing by, sees you from the window, your eyes met and you can see through his eyes how his heart breaks and the spark in his eyes fading away, check mate for him. He gets depressed and goes insane (he starts moving rook h4 as a first move), from that moment you know that nothing will be the same, and that what you once had -even without knowing it- never will be.


----------



## inane

Kanova said:


> I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping a couple of prospective options while you wait to see if what you want will work out.


I don't believe in the dating backburner. Regarding the mindset that you're putting all your eggs in one basket... Well, people aren't eggs.

I really can only focus on one guy at a time, but I only had some non-dates with guy #1. We're only going on an actual date because I initiated a makeout session with him.

But Guy #2 was cute, and since no one owes anyone anything at this point... Yeah.



sajs said:


> Chicks and their meh's, they must be descendants from sheeps.
> 
> So, you make an assumption based on no evidence (other than "what it looks like") instead of knowing the actual answer that you could simply know by asking "Guy #1" - as you call him-, right?
> 
> Well, since we all like to hypotetisize, lets picture the following scenario:
> 
> Guy #1 is in the same place as you are. You settle the date with Guy #2 in a romantic parisienne coffee shop, both of you meet and are having a lovely autum afternoon. Suddenly, out of nowhere, just like magic, Guy #1, who is passing by, sees you from the window, your eyes met and you can see through his eyes how his heart breaks and the spark in his eyes fading away, check mate for him. He gets depressed and goes insane (he starts moving rook h4 as a first move), from that moment you know that nothing will be the same, and that what you once had -even without knowing it- never will be.


Lol you know, nothing I can say or do will satisfy some of the guys here so I don't give a sh-t about how my dating patterns are perceived.


----------



## pied vert

I don't think im attractive enough for the guys im attracted to, to be honest. 
ouch


----------



## Kanova

inane said:


> I don't believe in the dating backburner. Regarding the mindset that you're putting all your eggs in one basket... Well, people aren't eggs.
> 
> I really can only focus on one guy at a time, but I only had some non-dates with guy #1. We're only going on an actual date because I initiated a makeout session with him.
> 
> But Guy #2 was cute, and since no one owes anyone anything at this point... Yeah.


I'm not saying dating more than one person at a time. I mean keeping your options open until you ARE dating someone. I don't think it's really cool to date someone, but still go out with another guy with romantic inclinations, that isn't what I meant.


----------



## veron

So I finally met someone online in my area who doesn't smoke/do drugs. We seem to have quite a few things in common - great. He's not great looking, but not bad either, and I'm willing to meet him and see where it goes. We've exchanged about 80 messages so far... and, he has yet to ask me on a date. He asked me if I had skype, and I said no, I don't really like to communicate online much... Now this would have been the perfect time to mention a date. But he didn't. And later, he mentioned how he's have to know a girl "much better" before meeting up with her :|

Also, we seem to rarely be online at the same time, so it's not like we're chatting much either. In May, it'll be a year since I've signed up for online dating, and I have yet to go on a single date!


----------



## The Linux Guy

Elleire said:


> Oh y'know... Low-cut top, making intense eye contact with every semi-attractive guy on the train, offering bacon and free tax services.
> 
> Nothing is working. Halp.


That just goes to show that getting someone to notice you isn't always easy. I just saw your pic and all I can say is wow. Maybe it's just the kind of guys that live in your area...


----------



## sajs

inane said:


> I don't believe in the dating backburner. Regarding the mindset that you're putting all your eggs in one basket... Well, people aren't eggs.
> 
> I really can only focus on one guy at a time, but I only had some non-dates with guy #1. We're only going on an actual date because I initiated a makeout session with him.
> 
> But Guy #2 was cute, and since no one owes anyone anything at this point... Yeah.
> 
> Lol you know, nothing I can say or do will satisfy some of the guys here so I don't give a sh-t about how my dating patterns are perceived.


I was not concerned about you, I was concerned about guy #1. Do what you like, it is not my business of course. Just giving you another point of view.


----------



## inane

sajs said:


> I was not concerned about you, I was concerned about guy #1. Do what you like, it is not my business of course. Just giving you another point of view.


We're all big boys and girls. We can handle ourselves.

Believe it or not, I'm also not a bad person. We only had one sort-of date. If things progressed, obviously it would be appropriate to tell the other person you're seeing others. But doing that so soon is presumptuous that what you have started would go anywhere at all.

Also, don't think I don't know he isn't seeing others as well. Most of the people you date in the beginning generally will be.


----------



## inane

Just had another date with "Guy #1"... He's a terrific dude and definitely boyfriend-material, but tonight confirmed to me what I thought- there isn't relationship potential between _us_ specifically.

For the curious, we went to an expensive dinner, saw a movie, and then went back to his place for some wine. For the misogynist bitter red pillers here, I paid for my share entirely for everything (as I usually do on all my dates :roll).

I think it was worth trying though, so I don't regret it. He is a quality guy. Won't be the one to break the dry spell in my sex life though so alas, I have to keep waiting till f-ck knows when. I masturbated like three times this morning, and could have done it a few more times throughout the day to ease the tension. No I don't care if that's TMI.

I don't even know why I bother staying on birth control. I just want a stable and monogamous, low-maintenance partner who I can have lots of condomless sex with everyday. Bah humbug.


----------



## inane

I don't care if I'm spamming the hell out of this thread.

I had a really textbook Saturday evening date, and I'm not sure what to think or feel about it. *running around frantically in a circle*

I like him, he's so kind and intelligent and interesting, but we're so different LOL. He's super extroverted and relaxed and social, and I'm the complete opposite. 

I'll just take my best friend's advice and pretend nothing happened............ :hide


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> Just had another date with "Guy #1"... He's a terrific dude and definitely boyfriend-material, but tonight confirmed to me what I thought- there isn't relationship potential between _us_ specifically.


just curious, why isn't there relationship potential between you two?

if it's because you're very different people, I feel like sometimes it feels like that would be a cause for incompatibility until some kind of boundary between the two of you breaks, and you end up having a really nice dynamic anyway. Or maybe it just rolls slowly and painfully downhill until there is nothing left to salvage. But you might want to see him a fixed number of times more before you decide?


----------



## pied vert

had my first meaningless sex experience yesterday. I think I'm supposed to feel empty, but i feel indifferent (or is that the same thing?). I actually enjoyed it, and dude was pretty nice to me, but of course i was thinking about Turkish guy almost immediately after I left him. 
It's dumb too, because I don't even want Turkish guy to be my boyfriend, yet I am just so mysteriously attracted to him and into him. He looks like a dream, and his personality type is everything that is right for me right now. He's very laid back, very friendly, just opinionated enough, has a cute and cheeky sense of humor, wild on the inside and professional on the outside, likes to stay in, ..okay I should stop. And I know he won't call me back. And it's probably better that way. I am lying to myself whenever I say "I just need a little more out of him and then I'm done" because I get attached very easily. I'm girly and emotional like that. My happiest moment of the year so far was him lying on my chest at 3 in the morning and softly scratching his back...

anyway, not sure if French guy will call me back either. I don't know if I even want to see him again. I'd like having a steady source of sex, but it always gets complicated or boring (normally for the other person) seeing the same person so many times.


----------



## inane

pied vert said:


> just curious, why isn't there relationship potential between you two?
> 
> if it's because you're very different people, I feel like sometimes it feels like that would be a cause for incompatibility until some kind of boundary between the two of you breaks, and you end up having a really nice dynamic anyway. Or maybe it just rolls slowly and painfully downhill until there is nothing left to salvage. But you might want to see him a fixed number of times more before you decide?


I don't know, men make me nervous and I end up overthinking.

He mentioned he hated texting, so I don't know how I would communicate with him when I can't see him (we see each other once per week).

I think he'd just get bored of me because he's on the younger end of guys I date (he's 26, compared to others who were 32-35). He's still in the party/clubbing phase which is totally okay, but I'm kinda in the phase where I just want to enjoy an evening cuddling with a beer and dinner after a long day, you know? But he hates that too, and would rather go out. I mean, I'd certainly be willing to compromise, but I don't know if he would. Or if he's even that interested, really.

I'm not very good with guys and dating, I get way too lost in it -.-


----------



## inane

Three guys within twelve months is way too many for me... but goddamn it, I'm not dead. It's not natural to not have sex. The last time I had a naked guy on me was four months ago.

I'm going to make more moves (or die trying anyways) the next few weeks.


----------



## pied vert

I felt like a bit of a star today - was at a cafe with a male friend who has a crush on me, and when he left for a bit, the guy working there immediately sat down to flirt with me, while another guy was texting me "you drive me crazy"


and still, at the end of the day, in my head is "Turkish guy Turkish guy Turkish guy Turkish guy..."
But the fact that I operate like this, the fact that no matter how many other people I may have access to, it's always the one I shared a special connection with - that it's that one that matters and no one else - that fact helps me in my natural jealousy issues. 
Because the other guy that I have hung out with a couple of times, he was casually telling me about how many side attractions he has, and yet he tells me he can't stop thinking about me.
It's nice to know that a good time means as much to other people as it has always meant to me. So reassuring.

On a side but actually more relevant note: I have been barely troubled about whether or not he's ever going to text me back since we last hung out. I am just ecstatic that he looked my direction for a brief moment in history. I don't know how long this will last until I realize how hard it is to find a guy that I like as much again, but alas, at least I experienced it at all.


----------



## piip

Trying online dating but theres so many extroverted guys, looking for "confident girls who know what they want", I feel like a kid in comparison to where most of them seem to be in life. I've been seeing one guy casually, very attractive, but the sex isn't very good, I think because he secretly thinks I'm ugly. So he mostly makes me feel even more sexually frustrated.


----------



## Topia

Nothing... I just sneak glances at them because I don't know how to start a conversation with them but still want to perv on their facial features, lol. ><


----------



## inane

I had another first date yesterday with this guy I met at the mall. He was so full of sh-t (telling me how beautiful I was, etc. etc.), but I was attracted to him so stuck around long enough to get ten minutes into a movie before running out. Quite literally, I got up, whispered that I was leaving, and left the theatre :blank

I've done this to every guy I've ever dated! Is it a wonder I'm single? :lol

He did end up following me despite my insistence for him to stay and enjoy the movie... and we ended up making out a bit in the lobby. It's the first time I ever kissed on the first date, but damn, he was a good kisser.

I'm turning 24 next month. In the past year, I've had dates with six guys, slept with two (one was a boyfriend and the other was a long-term FWB), kissed five, and here I am _still _alone. Oy vey. It's all downhill from here!!!!!

I should adopt a cat.


----------



## inane

Also with that other guy I met at a chess meetup, I finally got tired of the silence (it's the one who I initiated a kiss with).

I like this one- He is someone I would want something more meaningful out of, long-term. And if he wasn't into that, I need to know for emotional security and move on. I also don't like dating more than one person at once.

So finally, I texted him on Friday asking bluntly if he would rather just be friends.

His reply was cryptic, "So I don't end up breaking your heart."

I answered, "You know, you probably could. I like you but if you're not interested, I would rather know sooner so I could move on. You're a really cool guy and I'd like to keep you as a friend, at least."

He replied hours later, "Although, I never said I wasn't interested."

OH COME ON. He is a "younger guy" for me at 26 years old, but I'm so done with games in dating. Not interested? That's fair, you owe me nothing. 

NO DATE NEXT WEEK. *slaps self* Lay off the guys!


----------



## inane

Okay I lied^. Russian dude was an amazing kisser and soooo hot. 

We have another date this weekend :banana Cannot resist. I want kisses and cuddles and a hot guy all over me.


----------



## pied vert

^^ Lucky! hope he lives up to your expectations 
I feel a little ashamed in comparison, in the past 2 months I've slept with 3 people... Even then, I didn't feel "into" the last two people. I've apparently given up on finding someone I feel special about to do it with.

My standards for sleeping have changed very drastically in the past few months: first, I was hoping and saving it for love-sex, then I substituted that for passion-sex, and when that became unattainable too, just boredom-sex. Yay.

Everything I do, and everyone I see, all I can think of is just that one m-f-.

I had a date with a girl yesterday (am I in the wrong thread now?) and went over to her place after. I was tipsy, and she invited her boyfriend to join us ..... and I didn't even care. These days, I'm letting _a lot _of things happen because I just don't care. I would feel worried about this, but then I just feel apathetic instead - and it's a strange mixture. Ech.

also, page 2^7


----------



## inane

pied vert said:


> ^^ Lucky! hope he lives up to your expectations
> I feel a little ashamed in comparison, in the past 2 months I've slept with 3 people... Even then, I didn't feel "into" the last two people. I've apparently given up on finding someone I feel special about to do it with.
> 
> My standards for sleeping have changed very drastically in the past few months: first, I was hoping and saving it for love-sex, then I substituted that for passion-sex, and when that became unattainable too, just boredom-sex. Yay.
> 
> Everything I do, and everyone I see, all I can think of is just that one m-f-.
> 
> I had a date with a girl yesterday (am I in the wrong thread now?) and went over to her place after. I was tipsy, and she invited her boyfriend to join us ..... and I didn't even care. These days, I'm letting _a lot _of things happen because I just don't care. I would feel worried about this, but then I just feel apathetic instead - and it's a strange mixture. Ech.
> 
> also, page 2^7


There's nothing wrong at ALL about enjoying your sexuality. That's living. You will never hear me say that sex is bad- it's one of the most life-affirming things in the world. I am concerned if you're using it to hide or run from other problems going on though... Just remember to stay safe, and you can call/text me if you ever need to talk :squeeze

And thanks sweetie I had a fantastic date with Russian guy last night.

I also realllly like when guys take my hand and put it over their erection. Hehehehe


----------



## MsVaslovik

What am I doing to get a boy? Nothing. I'm asexual and don't want one.


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> There's nothing wrong at ALL about enjoying your sexuality. That's living. You will never hear me say that sex is bad- it's one of the most life-affirming things in the world. I am concerned if you're using it to hide or run from other problems going on though... Just remember to stay safe, and you can call/text me if you ever need to talk :squeeze
> 
> And thanks sweetie I had a fantastic date with Russian guy last night.
> 
> I also realllly like when guys take my hand and put it over their erection. Hehehehe


 Glad it was good

And thank you dear! That's really sweet of you - same goes to you: you can message me if ever you want someone to talk to :squeeze


----------



## TheUrbanDepressive

God, nothing lately. It's not that I don't want to, but I'm held back from pursuing anyone as much. I think it's because I may end up having to move cities next month, unless some a**hole hires me here already.

I can't think about it too much, otherwise I'll have an emotional breakdown. My lack of a dating life right now is just the icing on the cake.


----------



## veron

I can't believe that after 2 years of absolutely nothing happening in my love life, I met a guy and we hit it off instantly. We met while I was vacationing in Cuba. After a brief chat, he asked me out and I said yes, and after that we spent every available night together. He works really long hours, so unfortunately we could only hang out at night. I found him very attractive, both physically and emotionally.

We would sneak into my hostel room to be intimate, lol. I wasn't sure whether I was allowed to bring him in, and I didn't want the other girls in my group to know, so we'd go in after we thought that everyone was asleep, quietly, on tiptoe. I felt like a teenager, haha. I think that some people must have figured out what was going on - there was no sound isolation whatsoever - but nobody mentioned anything to me in the mornings. He was so sweet in bed, telling me to let him know if something was uncomfortable for me, saying "please" when he wanted me to do something. A real contrast to my ex. 

And we walked, held hands, kissed, cuddled... and talked, although his English was poor, and my Spanish was non-existent, so a lot was "lost in translation". 

Unfortunately I had to go back to my home country, on the opposite side of the world. We agreed we'd stay in touch and see if we can make this relationship in any way work out. In the meantime, I'll try to learn some more Spanish so that we can communicate better.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I've been single for almost five years now.


----------



## Stilla

@veron that sounds so nice I hope it works out, otherwise it sounds like you had a great time which is great! 

I'm still recovering from my ex not wanting to be friends with me. Which is ridiculous in it's way because even from the start he'd say things like he's not friends with his other exes on facebook because it hurts seeing them move on without him, that he could only be friends with me if he wasn't interested in me anymore, that he doesn't ever want to hear me talk about dating other guys, that if he moves here he would only be interested in seeing me as opposed to hanging out with me... Yet I thought if I could show him _in_ the relationship how much fun we had together that he'd want to have me in his life as a platonic friend... Even though I know _on some level_ how messed up/irrational that is.
I feel more rejected for him not wanting to be my friend than if he didn't want to be in a relationship, like 'hey I'm not even good enough to be a friend am I that terrible' type of thing.

Other than that I was talking to a cute guy who lives really close to me who asked me out two times already, told him I might be available today or tomorrow but then I realized I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Sigh. Maybe next week I'll see someone just to see if I can do it.


----------



## gunner21

Stilla said:


> @veron that sounds so nice I hope it works out, otherwise it sounds like you had a great time which is great!
> 
> I'm still recovering from my ex not wanting to be friends with me. Which is ridiculous in it's way because even from the start he'd say things like he's not friends with his other exes on facebook because it hurts seeing them move on without him, that he could only be friends with me if he wasn't interested in me anymore, that he doesn't ever want to hear me talk about dating other guys, that if he moves here he would only be interested in seeing me as opposed to hanging out with me... Yet I thought if I could show him _in_ the relationship how much fun we had together that he'd want to have me in his life as a platonic friend... Even though I know _on some level_ how messed up/irrational that is.
> I feel more rejected for him not wanting to be my friend than if he didn't want to be in a relationship, like 'hey I'm not even good enough to be a friend am I that terrible' type of thing.
> 
> Other than that I was talking to a cute guy who lives really close to me who asked me out two times already, told him I might be available today or tomorrow but then I realized I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Sigh. Maybe next week I'll see someone just to see if I can do it.


Speaking from personal experience here, I can understand him not wanting to be friends. I've been in the guy's situation and let me tell you, when I found out she got a bf, it was absolutely the worst feeling in the world, bar none. He's just protecting himself. I tried to be friends with my semi-ex after she got into relationship and it was torture. Hearing about the relationship problems, and then where she travelled and what she did with him hurt like a mother****er, so I pulled back a lot. To the point where we barely talk any longer.

Please don't take this is "I'm not even good enough to be a friend". The problem probably isn't that he doesn't like you as a friend, the problem is probably that he likes you too much. At least that's how it was for me. I remember I read this quote once: "Relationships are scary because one of two things will happen: either the person will stay with you for the rest of your life or be completely out of your life". Something like that.

Of course all of this is moot if he's the one who ended things.


----------



## Rixy

gunner21 said:


> Speaking from personal experience here, I can understand him not wanting to be friends. I've been in the guy's situation and let me tell you, when I found out she got a bf, it was absolutely the worst feeling in the world, bar none. He's just protecting himself. I tried to be friends with my semi-ex after she got into relationship and it was torture. Hearing about the relationship problems, and then where she travelled and what she did with him hurt like a mother****er, so I pulled back a lot. To the point where we barely talk any longer.
> 
> Please don't take this is "I'm not even good enough to be a friend". The problem probably isn't that he doesn't like you as a friend, the problem is probably that he likes you too much. At least that's how it was for me. I remember I read this quote once: "Relationships are scary because one of two things will happen: either the person will stay with you for the rest of your life or be completely out of your life". Something like that.
> 
> Of course all of this is moot if he's the one who ended things.


100% this. I tried to stay friends with a girl I was into after the opportunity of a relationship fell through. It pretty much wrecked me hearing her talk about potential dates. When I pulled back it hurt her a lot and thought I didn't want to be her friend so I felt guilty and tried to spin too many plates. She wasn't the villain in the situation and I really should have just cut the whole thing off. Sometimes it can turn into an all or nothing ultimatum which sucks. It's not that it reflects poorly on you Stilla, it's just that the guy is probably trying to save himself a whole lot of hurt. (From what I've read, I could be wrong).


----------



## veron

Stilla said:


> @veron that sounds so nice I hope it works out, otherwise it sounds like you had a great time which is great!


Thank you  I really hope it'll work out with him.

As for your ex, I agree with what the guys said... it probably has nothing to do with you not being friend-worthy.


----------



## inane

I'm crazy about you. You're ridiculously sexy. My second date with you was the BEST date I can remember, and has me feeling dreamy even now. How the muscles on your arms tightened when you lifted me up from the floor against your body. Just cuddling up against your back as you searched for a movie to put on. Your leather jacket, your half-lidded eyes. The way you kiss, even your tongue down my throat- I've never had a guy kiss me so aggressively. How you wouldn't let me take the bus back home because you didn't want me to be out in the cold.

...And this was even after I turned down sex with you. A woman you're having a date with, in your bed, cuddling and feeling you up. She felt it was too soon to have sex, but you were still gracious and a gentleman.

I'm crazy about you. 

I'm so crazy about you.


----------



## pied vert

Met a very cute Ecuadorian boy today at a language exchange, and he took my number 
He admitted to having a girlfriend, but seemed to imply that they were on some sort of hiatus, and when I added him back on facebook, there was nothing but lovey coupley photos of them together. His girlfriend is also incredibly beautiful (as latin girls are), and I was thinking, why would he be bothering about me? I've got nothing on her. But anyway, I try not to question it when a guy shows interest in me: you just have to own that, I guess. 
It's a nice self-esteem boost to have that happen once in a while (unless it drives you crazy instead like my last crush). Oh god, I love those latin boys!


----------



## inane

I think my standards have gotten way too high. I'm only interested in the top 1% of guys in terms of physical attractiveness... and I'm kinda, uhh, not attractive and getting very desperate after almost five months of living like a nun.

I've been too spoiled. The guys I've gone out with were just too absurdly beautiful.


----------



## pied vert

So a friend that I made who I turned down a couple months asked me today why I did. 
The real answer is that I don't find him interesting enough (because he's actually quite attractive), but I told him I'm not looking for a relationship. 
He immediately answered, "Well I'm not either..." but that isn't the impression he was giving me months ago. He actually gave me the pretty clear impression that he wanted to date me lol. I really dislike when people try to make you feel like you're crazy for "presuming" to think they like you just after you turn them down. 

Anyway, I'm confused as to what he would be referring to then... like, casual sex? lol, very random... he's never tried to seduce me before, we just play ping pong and board games. At the end of the day, long after that conversation had terminated, he was like, "So you're not interested in me at all?" .... god, that's just unattractive. He's otherwise very sweet, but this just made me irritated. 

Anyway, my take-away here is that I'm pleased with myself I guess, because even though I talk and act like a desperate ****, I can still surely and confidently know when to turn down a prospect. Knowing what you want/how you want to be made to feel is an empowering feeling


----------



## veron

pied vert said:


> He immediately answered, "Well I'm not either..." but that isn't the impression he was giving me months ago.





pied vert said:


> Anyway, I'm confused as to what he would be referring to then...


It sounds like he's just trying to make you think he wants the same things you do, possibly not to scare you off.



pied vert said:


> At the end of the day, long after that conversation had terminated, he was like, "So you're not interested in me at all?" .... god, that's just unattractive.


Lol, indeed... seems like somebody likes you though 

---

I can't stop thinking about the Cuban guy. I wish I could hop on a plane and go to Havana and run into his arms again. He's basically everything I want in a guy - the looks, the personality. And as a bonus, he's amazing in bed, lol. For the last couple of years that I've been living in my home country, I've been single, and I just _know _I cannot find the right person for me here.

He seems to have strong feelings for me too. He messages me every day to tell me he misses me, that he knows I'm the right woman for him (oh, Cubans can be very dramatic like that, I know, hah).

I'm honestly considering dropping everything I know and moving to Cuba. A part of me thinks that I'm being extremely foolish, that he'll probably find a new girl in a matter of weeks and all with me will be forgotten. But another part of me thinks "why not?" I've heard of stories like this before. People meet somebody, and this person leaves an impression for a lifetime.

I can't stop thinking about him, and about the wonderful Cuba. It's like my body is here, but my soul is in a far, far-away place.


----------



## pied vert

veron said:


> I can't stop thinking about the Cuban guy. I wish I could hop on a plane and go to Havana and run into his arms again. He's basically everything I want in a guy - the looks, the personality. And as a bonus, he's amazing in bed, lol. For the last couple of years that I've been living in my home country, I've been single, and I just _know _I cannot find the right person for me here.
> 
> He seems to have strong feelings for me too. He messages me every day to tell me he misses me, that he knows I'm the right woman for him (oh, Cubans can be very dramatic like that, I know, hah).
> 
> I'm honestly considering dropping everything I know and moving to Cuba. A part of me thinks that I'm being extremely foolish, that he'll probably find a new girl in a matter of weeks and all with me will be forgotten. But another part of me thinks "why not?" I've heard of stories like this before. People meet somebody, and this person leaves an impression for a lifetime.
> 
> I can't stop thinking about him, and about the wonderful Cuba. It's like my body is here, but my soul is in a far, far-away place.


awwww :love2
I don't think you're dramatizing things at all, seems like two people finally found that glimmer in somebody else's eyes that they've been looking for for a very long time. 
Maybe he's naive and can't read his own feelings (we can't be sure of anything) when he says he thinks you're the right woman, but (unless he's just trying to get citizenship in your country) I definitely don't think he would lie about a statement like that, why would he? Maybe you're right and maybe you're not right for each other, right now we can't say!
You absolutely need to see him again, but I won't suggest moving right away. Can you take an extended vacation? Can he take an extended vacation? Spend some time... the connection is there alright, but right now you're in the honeymoon period, and that period is always too rosy to be revealing of much.
Follow your passion, but be prepared for anything. Much luck!!


----------



## Stilla

Is it bad to force yourself to go on dates just to get over somebody? 

There are three guys I'm probably gonna go out with but I can't get excited about meeting any of them, instead I just feel sad because I'd rather be with my ex. When we broke up he said he said he wasn't going to meet anyone for awhile but part of me wonders if he already am and that's why I want to see other people too. It's so petty but he's moving on so I feel like I should to.


----------



## pied vert

Stilla said:


> Is it bad to force yourself to go on dates just to get over somebody?
> 
> There are three guys I'm probably gonna go out with but I can't get excited about meeting any of them, instead I just feel sad because I'd rather be with my ex. When we broke up he said he said he wasn't going to meet anyone for awhile but part of me wonders if he already am and that's why I want to see other people too. It's so petty but he's moving on so I feel like I should to.


No, it's a healthy and smart way to move on. Mental well-being is a matter of habits. Your default sh*tty thoughts and feelings are easier to beat off when you've got other things to think and feel. Your time is precious. Whenever I'm heartbroken, I pity myself until the magic of time takes effect. The magic is basically that you get bored of thinking the same things over again, so lately I've been trying to find ways to speed up the process of boredom by finding more interesting things. Eventually, your heart-broke thoughts won't feel as relevant anymore. Plus, it's nice to feel desirable. Just be careful that you don't push yourself too hard


----------



## veron

pied vert said:


> Maybe he's naive and can't read his own feelings (we can't be sure of anything) when he says he thinks you're the right woman, but (unless he's just trying to get citizenship in your country) I definitely don't think he would lie about a statement like that, why would he? Maybe you're right and maybe you're not right for each other, right now we can't say!
> You absolutely need to see him again, but I won't suggest moving right away. Can you take an extended vacation? Can he take an extended vacation? Spend some time... the connection is there alright, but right now you're in the honeymoon period, and that period is always too rosy to be revealing of much.
> Follow your passion, but be prepared for anything. Much luck!!


Haha, a lot of Cubans try to get with a tourist to get citizenship, but I think he isn't one of them. He has a young son there (living with his ex), and he makes a relatively good living, so he doesn't have many reasons to go. He tried to talk me into staying with him in Cuba, lol.

Yeah, taking an extended vacation first would be the way to go. My boss probably won't let me go anywhere in the next couple of months, and as for him, I don't know. He did talk about visiting me while we were together. I'd like to talk to him on the phone, but with the different time zones and limited internet in Cuba, it's proving to be difficult. Thank you for the well wishes, I guess time will tell!


----------



## Stilla

@pied vert I read through that a few times and found it really helpful

----
Just need to vent. I was starting to feel better even neutral. But then curiosity overtook and I looked at his facebook... he's adding a lot of new women. I thought I'd be okay with it but then I started to cry. It feels like I just took three steps back and feel so disappointed in myself.

I'm slowly coming to terms that I was the one who initiated the ending and it wasn't going to get back to normal after that. And even if he would want to get back together the issues that made me want to break up would still be there. But it still hurts so much. Right in the heart. I think it hurts extra much because we had barely started our relationship so I'm still infatuated with the idea of him and what could have been and it's so frustrating. Like I was on cloud nine and then I plunged to the ground.

I wish he still wanted to be in my life at least. I feel rejected even though I rejected him first.


----------



## inane

@*Stilla* Just couldn't let your comments pass by without giving you these :squeeze :squeeze :squeeze It'll get better.


----------



## veron

Aww Stilla, hang in there. Just out of curiosity, why did you want to break up with him?


----------



## Stilla

Thanks you guys!

He lives about four hours away from me, even before we decided to be a couple the distance bothered me but I decided to give it a shot anyway because I was so into him. 
Then the last time we hung out I felt rejected by something and instead of putting my big girl's panties on and sharing my feelings, I blamed the distance that it wasn't working out for me. I don't think I knew how important he was to me until it was too late.
I know that eventually it wouldn't have worked out anyways but I'm just having trouble accepting that it ended too soon.


----------



## inane

Ended up in my Russian date's bed with our clothes off... and realized I am unable to be with a man I don't care enough about.


----------



## AussiePea

inane said:


> Ended up in my Russian date's bed with our clothes off... and realized I am unable to be with a man I don't care enough about.


That's certainly a more adventurous way to learn that lesson. It's a good lesson though.


----------



## McFly

inane said:


> *Ended up in my Russian date's bed with our clothes off...* and realized I am unable to be with a man I don't care enough about.


Yes, go on...


----------



## inane

AussiePea said:


> That's certainly a more adventurous way to learn that lesson. It's a good lesson though.





McFly said:


> Yes, go on...


I wrote about it in my most recent blog entry... It's like Point #3 onwards.

I've had a couple dates with him already. This was a third one, we were at his place watching a movie. He suggested giving me a massage, and got some body butter to do it with. Had me lay on my stomach, pulled my dress over my shoulders, pulled down my tights, then pulled down my underwear. Then told me to stay naked as we cuddled up again to continue the movie. Hands and mouth went places but in the end, I wouldn't even let him give me oral, which upset him.

It was a third date, so hardly adventurous. I did go in intending to do _something_, like even just oral or have him get me off with his hands (I hadn't done anything with a guy in 5 months so I've been kind of dying here).... but yeah. Just couldn't do any of it, both for safety issues and because I wasn't that into him emotionally. Which is to be expected because we barely know each other.

He's incredibly beautiful though. Tall, toned, fit, broad shoulders and biceps, etc. The few guys I've been with all had great bodies but this one was probably the fittest.

Night ended well, we decided we wouldn't see each other again since we're not looking for the same thing. At this point, he still wants to play around (he's 31), and I want someone stable and exclusive.

Aaaaaand the dry spell continues. I may as well go be a nun :no


----------



## inane

I miss him.


----------



## SilentLyric

nada, amigos.


----------



## pied vert

SilentLyric said:


> nada, amigos.


:ditto

efforts are zero, need to recuperate from all the inertia

Cem, you 6'5" mothaf...


----------



## inane

Both my casual dates who I thought things had been ended with texted me today to hang out. I had three dates or so with both of them, before the incompatibility set in. 

It's nice to hear from old connections though.


----------



## 629753

Stilla said:


> Thanks you guys!
> 
> He lives about four hours away from me, even before we decided to be a couple the distance bothered me but I decided to give it a shot anyway because I was so into him.
> Then the last time we hung out I felt rejected by something and instead of putting my big girl's panties on and sharing my feelings, I blamed the distance that it wasn't working out for me. I don't think I knew how important he was to me until it was too late.
> I know that eventually it wouldn't have worked out anyways but I'm just having trouble accepting that it ended too soon.


Damn, Im sure he is already in love with that face.


----------



## Stilla

^??


----------



## inane

Kind of a sex rant but I think I'm built anatomically different from other women because none of the guys I've been with have known how to touch me with their hands down there. It's so frustrating. These aren't inexperienced guys either, they're in their thirties and have been with many women before.

I know, just communicate, but it feels demanding at times and I'm too timid. Women really get the short end of the stick when it comes to sex- it's easy to get a guy off without them needing to say a word. I wish it were that damn easy for me.


----------



## Crisigv

I'm not doing anything, and I'm not sure I even want to.


----------



## veron

inane said:


> Kind of a sex rant but I think I'm built anatomically different from other women because none of the guys I've been with have known how to touch me with their hands down there. It's so frustrating. These aren't inexperienced guys either, they're in their thirties and have been with many women before.
> 
> I know, just communicate, but it feels demanding at times and I'm too timid. Women really get the short end of the stick when it comes to sex- it's easy to get a guy off without them needing to say a word. I wish it were that damn easy for me.


I think there are 2 factors involved in this: most men in the western world learn about sex by watching porn, which gives them completely wrong ideas about what women like, and 2) most women fake orgasms, which reinforces their "bad" moves.

So that's why it's quite possible to have grown men who've had 20+ partners and are still clueless about how to truly please a woman.


----------



## inane

veron said:


> I think there are 2 factors involved in this: most men in the western world learn about sex by watching porn, which gives them completely wrong ideas about what women like, and 2) most women fake orgasms, which reinforces their "bad" moves.
> 
> So that's why it's quite possible to have grown men who've had 20+ partners and are still clueless about how to truly please a woman.


To be honest, I'm usually a giving lover but I've grown disgruntled. I'm too shy to say or do anything most of the time, and will just let the guy do his thing (especially since I'm always the less experienced partner). There have only been two times that I've gotten _close _with a partner, and both times, the guy stopped right before I could get there:mum

I know it's on me to communicate, etc. etc. I'm just ranting because it's so much easier to get a guy off without them giving any instructions, but for women, it's rarely like that.


----------



## pied vert

inane said:


> Kind of a sex rant but I think I'm built anatomically different from other women because none of the guys I've been with have known how to touch me with their hands down there. It's so frustrating. These aren't inexperienced guys either, they're in their thirties and have been with many women before.
> 
> I know, just communicate, but it feels demanding at times and I'm too timid. Women really get the short end of the stick when it comes to sex- it's easy to get a guy off without them needing to say a word. I wish it were that damn easy for me.


absolutely. i think all women are different down there in significant ways, with wacky angles and soft spots and things. the first time I considered that was when I heard a couple of women talking about it on youtube, where they were opening up about the weird things about themselves so that they could hopefully find some commonalities :b 
I noticed that about myself too when I finally bought myself a toy, because I was sick of being just as much in the dark about myself as other guys. I learned a lot about how to handle myself from that, and I definitely think I'm not gonna hesitate anymore to share that knowledge with whoever I'm with :b
the one guy I was with who was really experienced, he actually managed to make me hurt - I waited so long to tell him that it just stung down there! and he was like "oh thanks for telling me, communication is important" :lol


----------



## simplewrite

To get a boy, I literally just walk up to them and tell them that I think they're attractive and then compliment them on one of their features (usually it's the eyes or their smile). I've heard that a huge turn on for guys is when a girl is brave enough to make the first move. Though out of all the guys I've approached this way (around three or four), it's only been successful with one guy. They were all complete strangers that I only saw a couple times before telling them, so that's probably why. Plus that one time where it actually worked, I could tell that he was also a little interested in me too prior to me confronting him. So :?


----------



## pied vert

simplewrite said:


> To get a boy, I literally just walk up to them and tell them that I think they're attractive and then compliment them on one of their features (usually it's the eyes or their smile). I've heard that a huge turn on for guys is when a girl is brave enough to make the first move. Though out of all the guys I've approached this way (around three or four), it's only been successful with one guy. They were all complete strangers that I only saw a couple times before telling them, so that's probably why. Plus that one time where it actually worked, I could tell that he was also a little interested in me too prior to me confronting him. So :?


at the very least, it satisfies you doesn't it?
I have to say I respect your guts, I've wanted to try this for a long time.


----------



## Karsten

simplewrite said:


> To get a boy, I literally just walk up to them and tell them that I think they're attractive and then compliment them on one of their features (usually it's the eyes or their smile). I've heard that a huge turn on for guys is when a girl is brave enough to make the first move. Though out of all the guys I've approached this way (around three or four), it's only been successful with one guy. They were all complete strangers that I only saw a couple times before telling them, so that's probably why. Plus that one time where it actually worked, I could tell that he was also a little interested in me too prior to me confronting him. So :?


This is what it would take for me to find a relationship. I'm horrible at approaching people, and all the girls I've been with have come out and told me they liked me first.


----------



## pied vert

what I'm realizing is that good relationships are born of natural circumstances and two people unintentionally coming together. 
_not_ meeting someone and cheaply batting your eyelashes at them immediately, or seeking them out on dating websites, thinking not of the person themselves, but just of romance and sex.
it's shallow and baseless. but I don't have anything to offer- no interests, no opinions, no talents, no beauty. i've been trying to develop these too, but my heart isn't in it. I feel too down and lonely to care, and that just perpetuates it.


----------



## PrincessV

Over-texting, Confessing my feelings, Going INSANE & CRAZY mentally, 

basically everything that makes a girl desperate and unattractive. I don't have any game, I don't know what to do!! 

I'm getting to that age where guys are starting to become more important to me, but UGH it's so unlike myself. This is making me crazy, the thing is, I've never felt this way about someone, this person got me good. But I don't even know if he's the "one" I just want to talk to him but he's just ignoring me... lol. I can't believe I've become so desperate. Reminds me of all the times guys would have these "super big crushes" on me and I ignored them. But they hardly knew me... so it's different. 

I will have to move on. Pretend he gave me closure. 

I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID, DON'T IGNORE A GIRL/PERSON, even if you don't like them, for goooddness sakes at least give them closure! It might make a girl crave you for a bit but then she'll get tired of it, possibly become angry and resentful, she'll go insane and crazy but not in a good way. It's not like I'm bothering him even after he responds... I waited a week for a response, and we haven't talked for months... haha I'm PATIENT (and maybe stupid for still trying)! Not anymore, I'm moving onnnnnnn asdfghjkl (after today at least)


----------



## My Hearse

simplewrite said:


> To get a boy, I literally just walk up to them and tell them that I think they're attractive and then compliment them on one of their features (usually it's the eyes or their smile). I've heard that a huge turn on for guys is when a girl is brave enough to make the first move. Though out of all the guys I've approached this way (around three or four), it's only been successful with one guy. They were all complete strangers that I only saw a couple times before telling them, so that's probably why. Plus that one time where it actually worked, I could tell that he was also a little interested in me too prior to me confronting him. So :?


Damn..

You're a go getter.

You're absolutely right as well.

Lol.. If a woman approached me I will literally die of a heart attack. A good heart attack.. not a bad one. Lol.


----------



## Fruitcake

I'm trying to improve my confidence and become independent enough that I feel like I'm capable of having a functional relationship. I've just had to quit seeing my fwb because we're getting very close and I have too much distrust of people and self-hatred to be in a relationship at the moment. We were acting like we were dating and it was making me feel messed up at times. I'm starting to really want to properly date him and he'd like to date as well. So for the last couple of days I've been working on my confidence by eating breakfast foods for every meal, sleeping all day and most of the night, drinking wine at 4am, hugging and sniffing my crush's shorts, and looking at new dating sims to try (found a good one where you play as a lime and get to date other fruit).


----------



## veron

The Cuban guy seems to be totally enamored with me... he's positive that I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, nobody's ever made him feel the way I did, etc. I was taken aback by his dramatic display of emotion, it reminds me a bit of teenagers experiencing first love, haha. But he's in his 30's and has had relationships before - the one before me lasted 8 years. I have no idea what made him so interested in me. And my feelings for him are strong too, although I think I'm more realistic than him. Attraction and a good initial connection are not enough to make a relationship work, imo. Plus, with the two of us living on opposite sides of the world, we have so many obstacles to overcome. 

Right now I'm planning to visit him again in a month or so. I'm kind of sad that we can't have a proper dating period. If I was to move there, it wouldn't be possible to rent my own place at first and to live separately from him. That just isn't realistic in Cuba. I'd have to move right in with him, which is basically living like husband and wife. Even now when I visit him, we'll spend 2 weeks together, which is a lot more than the time we spent together initially (we went on 4 dates in total). The idea of spending so much time together when we don't know each other very well is making me a bit nervous.


----------



## ravens

My Hearse said:


> Damn..
> 
> You're a go getter.
> 
> You're absolutely right as well.
> 
> Lol.. If a woman approached me I will literally die of a heart attack. A good heart attack.. not a bad one. Lol.


I would be shocked if a woman was to approach me. I wonder how many men do get approached. I was approached when I was in school and a couple of girls told me that they thought I was cute. 
After that the only places I went to was shopping so I guess that would rarely happen.


----------



## My Hearse

ravens said:


> I would be shocked if a woman was to approach me. I wonder how many men do get approached. I was approached when I was in school and a couple of girls told me that they thought I was cute.
> After that the only places I went to was shopping so I guess that would rarely happen.


You never really hear about men getting approached due to Society's stance on Men being the pursuers and women being the ones who wait and choose out of the potential candidates of pursuers. Only if you excel in things Modern Society deems as attractive will you then warrant the attraction of a woman who may take matters in her own hand and approach. But, they might as well will still not approach but signal hints to you letting you know it's okay to approach them.

That's cool! You should have told them how you felt about them too. I never was approached by a woman before. In school I surely did not look attractive lol..

Well.. shopping is a good place to meet potential people. Places to shop are always swarmed with many people.


----------



## ravens

My Hearse said:


> You never really hear about men getting approached due to Society's stance on Men being the pursuers and women being the ones who wait and choose out of the potential candidates of pursuers. Only if you excel in things Modern Society deems as attractive will you then warrant the attraction of a woman who may take matters in her own hand and approach. But, they might as well will still not approach but signal hints to you letting you know it's okay to approach them.
> 
> That's cool! You should have told them how you felt about them too. I never was approached by a woman before. In school I surely did not look attractive lol..
> 
> Well.. shopping is a good place to meet potential people. Places to shop are always swarmed with many people.


The one time in high school that the girl told me that I thought she was cute but never said anything to her. It wouldn't have mattered it I had I only went to that high school for a couple of months.

At the next high school I was there for over 3 1/2 years until I graduated. One time there I was told that a girl liked me and then she told me no way. 
Another time somebody asked me if I thought a girl that rode the bus with me was pretty. I said yeah and then he laughed and said that I would never have a chance with her.


----------



## pied vert

I'm starting to develop a crush on my friend. I told him a couple months ago that I wasn't into him that way when I thought he was hitting on me/gearing to ask me out. 
Even back then, and actually since the first time we hung out, we had a rapport like I've never had with anybody else. I knew that at the time, but I just didn't have romantic feelings for him. He made so much effort in hanging out with me that I thought he liked me. He complimented me a bit too, not all the time, but he made certain opinions of his on my appearance clear. I ignored him for a while and then sent him a text one day saying I just wanted to be friends, because at the time someone else was burning me, and I didn't want to do that to someone myself.
I've always thought that he is otherwise cute, but he had a hipster hairstyle/beard for a while that I really don't go for, so I wasn't attracted to him until he... cut his hair :b He still has the beard, which is maybe why my crush is developing so slowly haha.

He said he was happy to be friends and followed through with that, and I was finally comfortable to spend more time with him and be myself with him. I've never felt so good being myself with someone. Anyway, we were talking about something not too long ago and he randomly referenced the time I told him that I wanted to be friends by "when you thought I was trying to date you" ... but I really don't think I was being that presumptuous, the way he approached me the first time and the way he was so insistent on hanging out with me hinted heavily at datey intentions. 
Then after having a conversation with him yesterday about the struggles of finding good casual sex partners, I realized he may have been trying to sleep with me from the beginning. Even though as I read over the early texts he sent me now, they still seem pretty flirty in a datesy way. And he did meet me at school (a place we will meet over & over again), and would ask to study with me and things... do you do that if you just want a lay? I don't believe that he's desperate.

Anyway, the dumb thing is that I know I definitely don't want to date him still. There's just zero direction for that, and I still don't like him enough that way to be his girlfriend. But I've been thinking about him _a lot_ since I met up with him a week and a bit ago. Then when I met him yesterday, we spent the whole day together, and it's always hard for a boy and a girl to spend the day together without the activities that you do being awkwardly romantic!!! There was literally this swan that was following us.
So naturally I've been thinking about him all day today, cuddling my pillow a lot, looking at my phone a lot, and the lyrics of "Sixteen Reasons (Why I Love You)" are reminding me of things about him ... :|


----------



## pied vert

On another note, I went on 3 dates with 3 guys within a 2-day period. They were all fantastic, wooooo
(if we're counting the day-spend with my friend, that's 4 dates in 3 days). 

I just want to be able to read this as a reminder for whatever slow dating periods may come in the future :b
Because they were all pretty different people personality-wise, and they all wanted to see me again! go me!

oh and, today, I went on a date with myself  
I don't usually count me eating ice cream at the park as a date with myself because I'm normally crying/scouting sexy men obsessively. But today I was truly content to be doing whatever I was doing by myself. The day was goddamn beautiful. I was just smiling at everybody haha, and they looked contentedly back at me, too!


----------



## tea111red

NOTHING. I don't have the energy to try to "get" anyone. I feel depleted almost all the time and have for almost all of my life. Even reading or getting advice on how to meet the "right" person exhausts me. Really, at this point, the only thing that I believe will help me ever meet the "right" person to get into a relationship w/ is God/good luck.


----------



## pied vert

I've never liked anybody like I liked Emiel. I've never liked anybody like I liked Cem. I've never liked anybody like I like him now...

i don't know what to do about him. ignore it and continue to be friends for the brief amount of time we'll still make an effort to see each other? try to date him...? sleep with him and see if it'll help me get that out of my system? distance myself coldly?

a friendship that has been so much fun for me, a person who I understand and who understands me, all of that down the drain.
Hopes are basically expectations and my expectations have sabotaged interactions that would before make me happy. Good going. 
I hope I can turn this around. I will _stop _hoping he messages me, stop hoping I'll see him. Let my crush happen and let it go where it goes (hopefully it will pass)


----------



## truant

I felt inspired by some videos on YT, so I started a new project with a little help from my friend Paracelsus:










I figure a homunculus will be easier to train than a real man, plus I can make as many as I want. I always wanted to be carried on a palanquin.

I'll probably give them numbers instead of names, in case some of the experiments fail. I don't want to get too attached.


----------



## Stilla

Bumpity bump bump

I don't really have anything to add but I like to live vicariously through others experiences.


----------



## gunner21

Stilla said:


> Bumpity bump bump
> 
> I don't really have anything to add but I like to live vicariously through others experiences.


I had a boy buy me drinks once. That's all I have. (I'm not gay)


----------



## AFoundLady

Banning one, does that count? Lol


----------



## path0gen

AussiePea said:


> Well perhaps we should stop being pathetic doormats and allowing for it.


Not sure how that's what you took away from my post since it didn't resemble that at all.

I'm happily involved with my s/o. But I have no illusions about her being able to go find some random guy if she really wanted to. Whether he is 'better' or not is irrelevant; the fact is that women have the power to do this and most guys don't.


----------



## path0gen

My Hearse said:


> Let's see how fast your 2 posts in here gets deleted by a mod.


Why? There's absolutely nothing offensive about them.


----------



## truant

path0gen said:


> I'm happily involved with my s/o. But I have no illusions about her being able to go find some random guy if she really wanted to. Whether he is 'better' or not is irrelevant; the fact is that women have the power to do this and most guys don't.


Yes, women have the 'power' to go out and hook up with guys they're either not attracted to, or who have no interest in having a relationship with them. This is much like having the ability to hit yourself in the head with a hammer.

Women don't take advantage of this mysterious 'power' more often because the consequences are almost always unpleasant. Rather like eating dirt or falling off a bike. Iow, it's not a power at all, but a figment of the male imagination.

There's nothing offensive about my post, either, ftr. Just stating facts.


----------



## My Hearse

path0gen said:


> Why? There's absolutely nothing offensive about them.


The mods clean up pretty fast.

I commend their effort.


----------



## ActuallyBrittany

Nothing.


----------



## pied vert

Why have our efforts stagnated ladies?!

I'm actually dating somebody very casually right now - this is my first time seeing the same person multiple times at all this year. I really like him as a person and I am attracted to him. I've also had my first PROPER experiences of sex with him, he's actually made me like it. He's really patient with me in bed and all that. But for some reason I don't feel myself with him  I feel like I'm always looking for conversation around him, because I haven't figured out how to talk to him yet. When we met the first couple times, I didn't have any clue what he was like so it was easy to talk to him... we had a blast. As soon as I started to get to know him I got kind of intimidated by his self-assuredness and it makes me doubt everything I say. We still have a good time with each other, but it's not fluid and from the heart like it was before.
I keep telling myself that I just gotta find my ground with him because I have a really good friend right now who I had the exact same start with (really good the first time, very awkward the next 10 times, then one sudden day just amazing and we still haven't lost that). I hope that's true, for my sake. I gotta know that I can make it work with a person.
I don't feel like we're going to last very long though, and I get the impression he doesn't think that much of it either. 

We are nice to each other though and I goddamn love cuddling him. He is the best cuddler - he doesn't let go, the entire night. Sometimes I think it might be uncomfortable for him, but he holds on in the sweetest way. I was lying awake one morning on my back, and he had his arm cradling my face from below, in a little V across my chest, with his fingers just touching my ears. One of my favorite feelings ever.


----------



## heelsbythebridge

Initiated sex for the first time with a guy I'd been dating for a month. He is very shy and even when I took my shorts off in his bed, he wouldn't make a move. Eventually took things into my own hands...


----------



## Stilla

I make such poor decisions when it comes to attention from the opposite sex. Thinking of meeting up with someone who has already been borderline abusive to me. Although now he says we won't have sex until I feel comfortable, until we get to know each other better. Even though he does nothing to get to know me better or to make me more comfortable. Just turns the convo sexual even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable. 
I know he does this, plus with how he's already treated me the only rational thing would be to delete his number. But I don't... Because I have issues.


----------



## gunner21

Stilla said:


> I make such poor decisions when it comes to attention from the opposite sex. Thinking of meeting up with someone who has already been borderline abusive to me. Although now he says we won't have sex until I feel comfortable, until we get to know each other better. Even though he does nothing to get to know me better or to make me more comfortable. Just turns the convo sexual even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable.
> I know he does this, plus with how he's already treated me the only rational thing would be to delete his number. But I don't... Because I have issues.


Make someone else delete the number.


----------



## tehuti88

Stilla said:


> I make such poor decisions when it comes to attention from the opposite sex. Thinking of meeting up with someone who has already been borderline abusive to me. Although now he says we won't have sex until I feel comfortable, until we get to know each other better. Even though he does nothing to get to know me better or to make me more comfortable. Just turns the convo sexual even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable.
> I know he does this, plus with how he's already treated me the only rational thing would be to delete his number. But I don't... Because I have issues.


What is it about him that makes you wish to go meet him...? I'm not seeing anything positive, aside from the possibility of companionship, and crappy companionship that makes you feel uncomfortable, at that. :/

I'd rather be alone than be made to feel crappy, but I realize not everyone here is like that.


----------



## Stilla

I think I was in denial that I was starting to get feelings for him, that's why I continued talking to him. When I realized, I ended it because I didn't want to walk down that road with someone who wasn't very nice. It just feels kind of messed up when I can clearly recognize manipulative abusive behavior and do nothing about it. Aargh. But it's over, and that's good.


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

Alostgirl said:


> Banning one, does that count? Lol


If that's how you do it you can ban me anytime 

Joking, don't ban me. Pls.


----------



## veron

Time to resurrect this thread? lol

Umm so after another failed relationship (long story), I decided to try online dating again. I never had much luck with that, and so I wasn't expecting any this time. Needless to say, not much has happened. I do however regret ignoring this one guy who messaged me. What happened was, I looked at his profile. He looked really hot in his profile pic, but after browsing through his other pics, I realized that he's bald and wears glasses (in the profile pic he had a beanie an no glasses). I was never attracted to guys who wear glasses, haha. The next day, he looked at my profile and messaged me. I looked at his profile again and decided not to reply. It's been a week now and I regret not writing back. We had things in common and he was within my age group, so maybe I should have talked to him first before ditching him like that. 

I'm wondering now if I should reply anyway, even though it's been a week? He knows that I've been online and is obviously not going to be impressed with the long delay. Maybe I should just forget about it.


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> I'm wondering now if I should reply anyway, even though it's been a week? He knows that I've been online and is obviously not going to be impressed with the long delay. Maybe I should just forget about it.


Message him, can't hurt. Might be a great guy. I'm sure he won't mind the delay, I wouldn't. Things come up and stuff.


----------



## veron

^Thanks

So I messaged him back... no reply :/


----------



## Kevin001

^^ Damn his loss.


----------



## veron

Hahaha thanks :lol


----------



## greentea33

Maybe I could write a "boy" something beautifully poetic and he would love me forever.💑 

Or maybe just find something beautifully poetic to steal and then pretend I wrote it.

Isnt it the thought that counts??


----------



## PrincessV

^ You have to stomp all over his heart and soul. Get down and bloody. Reach for his guts. Then break his bones, he'll be crawling after you, because afterall, by now he can't even walk...


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

Hmmm... Let's see. Does looking up videos on Youtube about how to send telepathic messages, and then trying to send one to my crush count?


----------



## greentea33

Lol. I could always try boring a boy to death.
Maybe that could work.


I don't mean to fill up the forum with my inanity.(is that a word?)

I'm going to be stuck in bed for awhile though.


----------



## RenegadeReloaded

veron said:


> ^Thanks
> 
> So I messaged him back... no reply :/


To be honest, I guess he realized he's not on your list. And if you contact him way later cause you haven't found anyone in the mean time just makes him a backup option. At least that was how I would feel and that isn't a pleasant feeling.

Women like to keep boys around and not say yes or no to them (which give them false hope) just to have backup options in case things go wrong, these boys are called orbiters. I can't speak for men, maybe they do it too. Sorry if I'm too harsh.


----------



## veron

RenegadeReloaded said:


> To be honest, I guess he realized he's not on your list. And if you contact him way later cause you haven't found anyone in the mean time just makes him a backup option. At least that was how I would feel and that isn't a pleasant feeling.
> 
> Women like to keep boys around and not say yes or no to them (which give them false hope) just to have backup options in case things go wrong, these boys are called orbiters. I can't speak for men, maybe they do it too. Sorry if I'm too harsh.


No you're not too harsh, I'd probably feel that way if I was in his position. But I'd like to give him a try; I guess I realized that my standards might be too rigid (lol). I wouldn't keep someone around as a backup plan if I wasn't interested at all. This guy kind of fascinates me because he looks like a different person in every picture. I'd have to see him in person to see whether I find him attractive or not. I was thinking of sending a second message, like maybe just a smiley face, but I don't want to come across as desperate, haha.

Anyhow... my workplace has been expanding, and I realized recently how many cute guys there are around me :O One in particular has caught my attention. He always smiles/waves/winks at me when I go by his desk, but I'm not sure whether he's just friendly or perhaps interested in something more. He's very friendly with everyone, it seems. Ideally though, I wouldn't want to date someone from work.


----------



## Bonfiya

A stranger stopped me as I was leaving the campus today and we talked and I ended up giving him my number (because this has literally never happened to me before so I was genuinely so excited) but he's kind of starting to weird me out already and I'm starting to understand why a lot of women don't do this more often. I'm not trying to sound all uppity but now that I think about it, I think I did that more on a whim for the experience rather than the actual guy if that makes sense because I was caught up in the moment and, truthfully, I wasn't attracted to him at all when we talked but I also don't like judging people based on their looks alone either.

tl;dr Gave a guy my number but starting to have second thoughts on the whole situation, lol. The life of a frigid. :lol


----------



## veron

^Why is he weirding you out? 

---

The guy from the dating site has finally replied to me! Yaaay.


----------



## k_wifler

The way people are so insecure these days, I feel like I have to make myself necessary, or create some situation where I'm like a security blanket that can't be thrown away no matter how filthy it gets, or get into a situation where I am being used and I'm the only one that can be found to be used like that... Feelings change, but insecurity and dependency doesn't change, and old habits also don't change... It's definitely better to be needed, then no matter how much someone wants someone else, they won't leave me for them because they need me.

Anyways... Since I'm a straight 'boy' I don't do anything to get a boy. 
Silly boys, stop coming after meeee!


----------



## coeur_brise

Despite being dreadfully lonely, I don't think I'm in shape enough for heartache..or to look for something that has possibility of not working out.


----------



## k_wifler

coeur_brise said:


> Despite being dreadfully lonely, I don't think I'm in shape enough for heartache..or to look for something that has possibility of not working out.


That's true, women prefer guys who work out. >


----------



## Bonfiya

veron said:


> ^Why is he weirding you out?
> 
> ---
> 
> The guy from the dating site has finally replied to me! Yaaay.


Probably more due to the fact that I've never really dated and he was being _really_ forward (or maybe that was just normal for everyone else, lol) so we're just on completely different levels. Then he started asking for pictures too, saying it was a must for him and that's pretty much where I drew the line.

How's the guy from the dating site so far? Even though it was only yesterday, any update yet? :wink2:


----------



## veron

Bonfiya said:


> Then he started asking for pictures too, saying it was a must for him and that's pretty much where I drew the line.


Ugh, any guy who gives demands from the very start sounds kind of sketchy to me.

As for the dating site guy, I replied to him on that same day and haven't heard from him since. The only messages I get on there are from men who are either too old for me or foreigners passing through my city, looking for a hookup. And it's often both :fall


----------



## springbreeze1

veron said:


> Ugh, any guy who gives demands from the very start sounds kind of sketchy to me.
> 
> As for the dating site guy, I replied to him on that same day and haven't heard from him since. The only messages I get on there are from men who are either too old for me or foreigners passing through my city, looking for a hookup. And it's often both :fall


For him perhaps looks is a must, so he thought this way it saves him time. But this behavior inevitably makes him look bad. It's almost like you have to be desperate or be very attracted to him to accept his term.


----------



## Bonfiya

veron said:


> Ugh, any guy who gives demands from the very start sounds kind of sketchy to me.
> 
> As for the dating site guy, I replied to him on that same day and haven't heard from him since. The only messages I get on there are from men who are either too old for me or foreigners passing through my city, looking for a hookup. And it's often both :fall


Not that I know the situation at all but he might just think that you'll take a little while to reply again so won't check for another day or two. I know a few people that do that just because they figure their luck isn't _that_ great on dating sites so they only check every other day or so. And apparently they don't want to look desperate either. XD

But anyway, even if nothing happens with the guy, there's still plenty more out there to meet.


----------



## veron

springbreeze1 said:


> For him perhaps looks is a must, so he thought this way it saves him time.


I thought she gave him her number in real life... so he already knows what she looks like, right? 



Bonfiya said:


> Not that I know the situation at all but he might just think that you'll take a little while to reply again so won't check for another day or two.


That site sends email notifications whenever you get a message, so I'm pretty sure he knows, haha. I guess he just isn't very interested. Oh well.


----------



## k_wifler

I have to have a photo because most people are horribly ugly to me, and I can't date a girl who makes me throw up when I look at her.
It's nothing bad, says nothing bad about my character, doesn't mean I'm a bad person or make me look bad.
Haha, to use a 'woman' excuse, it's natural. Looks are a type of feels, there are a multitude of feelings just for looking at people.
Males are primarily visual creatures, so think of it this way, he looks at someone ugly, it's just like if you find out someone cheated on you, it is a very gross feeling that you never want to have again. Visual just means that they experience the visual related feelings more strongly.
Anyways, if they are asking for nudes, yeah, that's really forward.
If I just want to see your face, that's not forward at all, that's simply how it's done online, and always will be. Women are beautiful purely because men chose beautiful women to reproduce with. Beauty is a sign of physical genetic stability which means you will produce healthier offspring together. Having two X chromosomes doubles your genetic stability so you can keep the human species alive. *This shallow thing men have about looks is incredibly extremely important and necessary for the continuance of all of humanity.*

So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't disrespect it anymore. Thanks.


----------



## veron

^Lol your little lecture about physical beauty is kind of off topic here. Did nobody read the original post? They met in real life! He already knows what she looks like.


----------



## Bonfiya

k_wifler said:


> So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't disrespect it anymore. Thanks.


Lol... is this directed at me? Because we first met in person, not online (not sure where you got that idea from) and I don't know about you but I'm sure seeing someone in person's more than what a picture could ever show so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't disrespect it anymore. Thanks.


----------



## k_wifler

This topic is an entire paperback book by now, nobody cares or remembers what the first post was. It's like reading the credits, copyright, publisher info.

It was just a silly rant in response to some previous silly comments. 

Intermission over, back to your previously scheduled programming....


----------



## tehuti88

k_wifler said:


> Women are beautiful purely because men chose beautiful women to reproduce with. Beauty is a sign of physical genetic stability which means you will produce healthier offspring together. Having two X chromosomes doubles your genetic stability so you can keep the human species alive. *This shallow thing men have about looks is incredibly extremely important and necessary for the continuance of all of humanity.*


Where's that meme everybody uses...? Here it is:










I think this thread is talking _dating_, not _continuing the human species_, or even having babies together (not just yet, at least).

Most people don't meet once and then BAM start thinking about babies. It generally takes a while to get to that point. Plus, you do know there's a lot more to the continuation of the human species than good looks, right...? Good looks might guarantee that sex will happen, but they don't guarantee good genes, especially not in this age of plastic surgery and steroid use (and Photoshop--think twice before you assume a photo is proof enough).

Not to mention the man has to have good genes too, not just the woman...if you subscribe to this mindset you have to accept that women should be picky, too...

Plus, you do know there are lots of men and women who aren't really into the whole "continuing the human species" thing...right?



k_wifler said:


> This topic is an entire paperback book by now, nobody cares or remembers what the first post was. It's like reading the credits, copyright, publisher info.


Faulty analogy (the credits would be the usernames, and the copyright and publisher info would be the site headers and footers). Actually this is more like starting reading in the middle of the book and wondering why the plot isn't making sense. Why isn't it making sense? Maybe because you skipped the first half of the story.

It's kind of rude to step into the middle of a discussion, make a misassumption, tell _other_ people to stop being disrespectful, and then say nobody cares about what's actually going on so meh.


----------



## k_wifler

> What are you doing to get a boy?


Staaaallllkkkkkeeerrrrrrrr!


----------



## pied vert

This boy.

I can't seem to break up with him for the life of me. We have nothing in common, least of all the same sky, but I am so ineffably attracted to him (who he is). There is no way that he likes me as much as I like him, but he rejects my attempts at breaking up every time, telling me he cares.

Why? :'( 
I am too neurotic for this. 

I just told him I am coming to his continent, and he said, "Zurich's a nice city" -- a$shole!

He also told me he will no longer start conversations with me, because I told him I want to talk less. He's leaving it up to me.
This is a real problem.
How will I ever be able to start conversations with him? He said, "don't be afraid to say hey," but I will be shaking in my socks. This probably marks the end of our relationship. As soon as he said, "Zurich's a nice city," I knew that I will never start a conversation with him.

advice welcome.


----------



## pied vert

pied vert said:


> This boy.
> 
> I can't seem to break up with him for the life of me. We have nothing in common, least of all the same sky, but I am so ineffably attracted to him (who he is). There is no way that he likes me as much as I like him, but he rejects my attempts at breaking up every time, telling me he cares.
> 
> Why? :'(
> I am too neurotic for this.
> 
> I just told him I am coming to his continent, and he said, "Zurich's a nice city" -- a$shole!
> 
> He also told me he will no longer start conversations with me, because I told him I want to talk less. He's leaving it up to me.
> This is a real problem.
> How will I ever be able to start conversations with him? He said, "don't be afraid to say hey," but I will be shaking in my socks. This probably marks the end of our relationship. As soon as he said, "Zurich's a nice city," I knew that I will never start a conversation with him.
> 
> advice welcome.


pied vert,

The reason you want to break up with him is because it saves you from doing work. "Me and him didn't work out -- now I have an experience I can learn from in the vague future some time." It also tricks you into thinking you've done something hard, like letting go of someone who means a lot to you. Sorry to say that, even though the suffering will be hard to cope with, it is easier to induce it now than take any other course. Working it through right now would be so hard. So hard, just think about it.

There is nothing inherent in you that is bound to drive him away. You've already attracted him, he is inclined to like you - If you do start conversations with him from here on out, there are many ways in which you can be the person he would like you to be. If you realize you actually have the power to _make_ someone like you, rather than sit around hoping someone sees through the murky water, then that will feel so rewarding, like they like you for _you_, not despite you.

Also, take your own advice. You make threads about rejecting cultural sadness, but your immediate response to a remark on his end that you seem to get turned on very easily (not a very negative remark), is to break up with him and lie on your carpet listening to "Cry, Cry" for hours, because it makes you feel like you belong...if not in his lap then in some sad underground.

So, am I saying "Fake it til you become it"? We know you've already tried that. 
Sending a fakely happy "No problem. " doesn't feel constructive - rather, if you're convinced that there _is_ a problem on your end, then talk yourself through it. 
That's where laziness comes in, the possibility of talking yourself out of something you presently feel justified in feeling doesn't seem appealing. But do it. If it's such a right feeling, it will prevail despite your rationality. Steps include:

- Did the person intend to give me this impression -- really, did they?

- If they are not being genuine with me, ask them about it. ASK THEM. Compare the so-called sh-t you would be starting by asking them if they're lying to you to the sh-t you start the next morning when you tell them you're ending your friendship. It's worth it.

- Am I upset about the thing that they did itself, or my other unrelated suspicions/bad feelings? Separate the present situation from your other deep-seated issues.

- Most assumptions you make about what the other person's actions mean are completely unfounded. "How hard is it to just tell me that he cares???" - clearly, it is very hard. His mind is not yours (that's the only reason you're so attracted to it), he will have different ways of caring, and he might not think telling you he cares is especially urgent at that moment. He may even have other things on his mind. Sometimes, it _is_ very hard for the other person to do the simple, easy thing you need. It is very hard, for whatever reason that _you_ cannot control - and I'd count that lucky, cause you have a lot on your plate controlling your own reactions. But you cannot say because of that that he doesn't care. Maybe it's not smart to be so confrontational all the time by asking, "Sooooo, do you care?" but just remind yourself that you should not make an assumption on the matter. Don't passively accept hurtful behavior, but ask yourself if it's actually objectively harmful to you what they are doing, and whether it can be reasonably traced back to your self-esteem.

- And last but not least, :squeeze :squeeze :squeeze


----------



## PrincessV

I don't have to do much, but the boy I want is being impossible! IMPOSSIBLE! 

I don't want him anymore actually.  

It was all in my head in the first place, ahaha

Boys are stupid, I'm not ready for this anyway


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@*pied vert*

Sorry to hear. 

Ask him what does he means by "cares". Maybe cares as a friend? I believe once you have that answer, you can make the proper decision on where you are relationship wise (friendship or partner) and the course of action.

By mentioning city, distancing himself, maybe he doesn't feel good enough and advising like a friend would? I believe we men act like that to protect ourselves, women emotionally. I believe women do this too, so it wouldn't be any different to what women do. I believe men and women are very similar in this way.

Also are you sure it's love or just lust?


----------



## veron

Aaaaargh the guy at work is driving me crazy. He keeps on waving and winking at me whenever I pass his desk. His wink today made me melt, lol. And I have no idea whether he's just being friendly, or flirty with no serious intentions, or flirty and perhaps interested in me. 

There's one thing that's making me skeptical: not too long ago, after work, I saw him walking outside with another female. They didn't hold hands or do anything that would undoubtedly make them seem like a couple, but I felt convinced she was his girlfriend... maybe because men rarely hang out with female friends one on one, I guess.

And some time after that, him and I happened to be getting off work at the same time, on a Friday afternoon. And he was telling me how much he was looking forward to being alone that night. He said he wasn't going out that night, that he loves his alone time, and was talking about things he was going to be doing... and I was very surprised because it's rare for somebody to admit they like being alone like that. He plays in a band and I always thought he was a very social creature. But anyhow, he didn't mention a girlfriend to me ever, so maybe he doesn't have one after all.

I don't know how to proceed further with this. Us just smiling at waving at each other in passing is not really going to get us anywhere, lol. I thought about adding him to skype (this is how everyone communicates at our workplace), but I wouldn't know what to say to him. Our departments never need to communicate and so I have no reason to ask him anything work-related or to add him to skype... uhhh I don't know what to do.


----------



## Cashel

pied vert said:


> This boy.
> 
> I can't seem to break up with him for the life of me. We have nothing in common, least of all the same sky, but I am so ineffably attracted to him (who he is). There is no way that he likes me as much as I like him, but he rejects my attempts at breaking up every time, telling me he cares.
> 
> Why? :'(
> I am too neurotic for this.
> 
> I just told him I am coming to his continent, and he said, "Zurich's a nice city" -- a$shole!
> 
> He also told me he will no longer start conversations with me, because I told him I want to talk less. He's leaving it up to me.
> This is a real problem.
> How will I ever be able to start conversations with him? He said, "don't be afraid to say hey," but I will be shaking in my socks. This probably marks the end of our relationship. As soon as he said, "Zurich's a nice city," I knew that I will never start a conversation with him.
> 
> advice welcome.


Zürich _does_ look like a nice city to be fair.









Beautiful.

You should totally dump his cul if I'm understanding you though. Guy sounds like a total shower.


----------



## pied vert

Cashel said:


> Zürich _does_ look like a nice city to be fair.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Beautiful.
> 
> You should totally dump his cul if I'm understanding you though. Guy sounds like a total shower.


Also really expensive and would take up every cent that I'm earning this year for me study there for a semester.
But I'm considering it, because yeah, it looks beautiful. Perhaps Lausanne is less expensive, I will look it up.

However, what do you mean he sounds like a "shower" lol, I didn't recount anything about him too dastardly, did I?
It might please you to know, in any case, that his cul has been dumped


----------



## UltraShy

Nothing, but then I don't want a boy.

I do have a sure fire way to get one. Go into any bar at 1:30 am and announce you want to have sex. You'll find more than a few interested boys.


----------



## Mxx1

Nothing and i will not do anything until i see some sort unique guy who are not that standard '' I saw this chick today and even though i did not say a single word to her. Wow, she was so f**'*able. '' type of guy. :sigh It is one thing to think someone is cute/ handsome/ sexy, but guys get so horny and vulgar with every girl.. And are extremely loud about it so i will keep myself occupied with dogs or something in the future.


----------



## tehuti88

UltraShy said:


> Nothing, but then I don't want a boy.


You're obviously not here to see what techniques any of the women are using to get a boy, nor, apparently, have you bothered reading any of the convoluted issues some of the women here have dealt with in this endeavor, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to post this.

Well, I guess the next part of your post clears that up...



> I do have a sure fire way to get one. Go into any bar at 1:30 am and announce you want to have sex. You'll find more than a few interested boys.


(Hey, I know a surefire way for a guy to get a girl. Go into a bar at 1:30AM and flash your fat wallet. You'll find more than a few interested girls. How come more guys aren't using this approach to find love...? And why do the ones who do, then complain when the girl quickly bails out afterward...? Huh. Odd. :um )

Some of us are looking for a little something more than drunken sex/a plastered one-night stand. (This thread is entitled "What are you doing to get a boy?" not "What are you doing to get laid?" after all.) Plus the drunken sex approach can be risky. Oh...plus, the women here have social anxiety.

But surely guys know these things already, so I don't know why they keep needing to be said.


----------



## ljubo

Mxx1 said:


> Nothing and i will not do anything until i see some sort unique guy who are not that standard '' I saw this chick today and even though i did not say a single word to her. Wow, she was so f**'*able. '' type of guy. :sigh It is one thing to think someone is cute/ handsome/ sexy, but guys get so horny and vulgar with every girl.. And are extremely loud about it so i will keep myself occupied with dogs or something in the future.


This is how bad boys are.

Regular guys are not like this, and neither is the "nerds".


----------



## pied vert

Mxx1 said:


> Nothing and i will not do anything until i see some sort unique guy who are not that standard '' I saw this chick today and even though i did not say a single word to her. Wow, she was so f**'*able. '' type of guy. :sigh It is one thing to think someone is cute/ handsome/ sexy, but guys get so horny and vulgar with every girl.. And are extremely loud about it so i will keep myself occupied with dogs or something in the future.


I am a girl but I get really horny with every one I meet... Can't help it


----------



## May19

Nothing, but my roommate keep putting me on her snapstory and it's me saying stupid **** like

"yeah I would totally suck a dick for some coke cola" or "i got 99 problems but anal ain't one" 

I'm just being silly and weird around her, and she just like puts me on her story to the point where she's like "omg my guy friends love you. they think you're 10/10" 

So now, I'm like welp her friends think im a horny weird girl


----------



## veron

Today I learned that the coworker who acted interested in me actually has a girlfriend. He followed me into the kitchen, made small talk while we made coffee, told me how much he likes my name, told me how he plans to name his future children... and then *BAM* - "but my girlfriend likes the name..." I didn't really hear anything after he spoke those words to me... ugh. This has happened to me several times now, thinking that a guy likes me, only to find out he isn't single. Whyyyy


----------



## Kevin001

May19 said:


> Nothing, but my roommate keep putting me on her snapstory and it's me saying stupid **** like
> 
> "yeah I would totally suck a dick for some coke cola" or "i got 99 problems but anal ain't one"
> 
> I'm just being silly and weird around her, and she just like puts me on her story to the point where she's like "omg my guy friends love you. they think you're 10/10"
> 
> So now, I'm like welp her friends think im a horny weird girl


 I wonder how many secret admires you have? Lol.


----------



## pied vert

currently crushing on:

- a polyamorous flirt who lives on the other side of the Atlantic
- a married man I work with

... Good going Pied.


----------



## nubly

May19 said:


> Nothing, but my roommate keep putting me on her snapstory and it's me saying stupid **** like
> 
> "yeah I would totally suck a dick for some coke cola" or "i got 99 problems but anal ain't one"
> 
> I'm just being silly and weird around her, and she just like puts me on her story to the point where she's like "omg my guy friends love you. they think you're 10/10"
> 
> So now, I'm like welp her friends think im a horny weird girl


Call me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nubly

Cashel said:


> Zürich _does_ look like a nice city to be fair.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Beautiful.
> 
> You should totally dump his cul if I'm understanding you though. Guy sounds like a total shower.


Showers Are relaxing and therapeutic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cashel

nubly said:


> Showers Are relaxing and therapeutic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not French showers. French showers are belligerent and annoying.


----------



## May19

Kevin001 said:


> I wonder how many secret admires you have? Lol.


Probably zero



nubly said:


> Call me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL omg. I was saying those things as a joke. Although I love me some coke cola lol


----------



## Kevin001

May19 said:


> Probably zero


----------



## May19

Kevin001 said:


>


----------



## Virgo

^Lmfao I can hear him in my head.

What am I doing to get a boy? Going to Florida > > >


----------



## ljubo

Nothing, i like females.


----------



## veron

The online dating thing is not going well... last time I went on a date from the site was years ago, lol. Recently I finally came across someone who was good looking and had no deal-breakers for me (smoke free, drug free, not married, etc.). Much to my surprise, he wrote to me and seemed interested in talking. I wondered if there was a catch. There was. He's unemployed, has no higher education, and at age 30, hasn't worked other than a few short-lasting minimum wage jobs. Guy number 2, also who recently contacted me - on paper, he seems perfect for me. He's finishing up uni (on time, with a useful degree), is socially apt, seems smart. He's by far the best conversationalist I've talked to on that site, and I often laugh when I'm chatting with him. However, I don't find him physically attractive :/ So this is not likely to go anywhere either.


----------



## pied vert

okay...a little wow.

*Some preliminary info*
The same boy who I have attempted to "break up" with 4-5 times now, who I wanted to break up with because:
- He lives in Europe and I in Canada
- He is naturally polyamorous
- He seems not to want anything serious from me and is extremely hot and cold and has hurt my feelings really bad by that.
Whose cul I said I dumped for good...

I told my therapist that I am smitten by him but that I don't have any hope for a future with him for obvious reasons. My therapist asked me what it is I would hope for with him. Did I see us meeting up, spending weeks together, being committed? I said yes, I've thought about all of that. I've even had some lighthearted fantasies about living together... *cough* anyway, ... That's *why* I need to end it: my own doomed emotions, for someone who clearly doesn't care nearly as much for me. Like I said, he wasn't encouraging of me coming to his continent, and he talks to other girls like it's nothing (let's forget that so do I, but whatever it is I do, I know my feelings are with him and it doesn't seem that way on his end, which is why I explore other people).

But in the past month, the times I tried to break it off with him, he would say some outrageous things, like a straight-up plea for me not to do it. "Please don't delete me" (we talk on Skype), and that he thinks I am above _his_ league :shock. That one floored me, because I know he's above mine in every game. "I'm happy we're friends again", "I've missed you", "I hope I'm not just a pretty face to you, because that would be much easier to be to someone less intelligent than you", ... he is also extremely cuddly, and whenever I try to say dirty things to him, he turns it into talks of cuddling and kissing.

*All that, and then*
This past Friday, he messaged me and suddenly asked: "Is it at all possible to get around Toronto without a car? I'm thinking of doing an internship abroad" .... I was so taken aback that I tried to play it cool and gave him strictly helpful responses (Toronto is very easy to get around by public transit though), which he himself quickly turned into: "I would need your help with other things, like moving to Toronto, and finding you when I get there." :fall
Again, I offered my help, and said I could drive him and things, and he said, "Where would you take me? Would you take me to your favorite places?", "Do you think I wouldn't like them? You'd be the best part about them anyway", "Wouldn't your parents hate me?", and, thanks (with a hug).
Yesterday, we were talking about our not-so-wonderful sex experiences, and he started talking about having it with me like it's a very real possibility - "if we were ever in that situation, I want you to feel free to tell me anything..." and, "I think we would do well together, because I wouldn't mind spending a longer time in bed with you."
:fall :fall :fall


----------



## Persephone The Dread

pied vert said:


> okay...a little wow.
> 
> *Some preliminary info*
> The same boy who I have attempted to "break up" with 4-5 times now, who I wanted to break up with because:
> - He lives in Europe and I in Canada
> - He is naturally polyamorous
> - He seems not to want anything serious from me and is extremely hot and cold and has hurt my feelings really bad by that.
> Whose cul I said I dumped for good...
> 
> I told my therapist that I am smitten by him but that I don't have any hope for a future with him for obvious reasons. My therapist asked me what it is I would hope for with him. Did I see us meeting up, spending weeks together, being committed? I said yes, I've thought about all of that. I've even had some lighthearted fantasies about living together... *cough* anyway, ... That's *why* I need to end it: my own doomed emotions, for someone who clearly doesn't care nearly as much for me. Like I said, he wasn't encouraging of me coming to his continent, and he talks to other girls like it's nothing (let's forget that so do I, but whatever it is I do, I know my feelings are with him and it doesn't seem that way on his end, which is why I explore other people).
> 
> But in the past month, the times I tried to break it off with him, he would say some outrageous things, like a straight-up plea for me not to do it. "Please don't delete me" (we talk on Skype), and that he thinks I am above _his_ league :shock. That one floored me, because I know he's above mine in every game. "I'm happy we're friends again", "I've missed you", *"I hope I'm not just a pretty face to you, because that would be much easier to be to someone less intelligent than you",* ... he is also extremely cuddly, and whenever I try to say dirty things to him, he turns it into talks of cuddling and kissing.
> 
> *All that, and then*
> *This past Friday, he messaged me and suddenly asked: "Is it at all possible to get around Toronto without a car? I'm thinking of doing an internship abroad" .... I was so taken aback that I tried to play it cool and gave him strictly helpful responses (Toronto is very easy to get around by public transit though), which he himself quickly turned into: "I would need your help with other things, like moving to Toronto, and finding you when I get there."* :fall
> Again, I offered my help, and said I could drive him and things, and he said, "Where would you take me? Would you take me to your favorite places?", "Do you think I wouldn't like them? You'd be the best part about them anyway", "Wouldn't your parents hate me?", and thanks (with a hug).
> Yesterday, we were talking about our not-so-wonderful sex experiences, and he started talking about having it with me like it's a very real possibility - "if we were ever in that situation, I want you to feel free to tell me anything..." and, "I think we would do well together, because I'd like to spend a longer time in bed with you..."
> :fall :fall :fall


Damn lol.

You should be careful if you want something more serious from him, he's very smooth, but he's probably playing you so he has a guaranteed booty call.


----------



## pied vert

Persephone The Dread said:


> Damn lol.
> 
> You should be careful if you want something more serious from him, he's very smooth, but he's probably playing you so he has a guaranteed booty call.


He doesn't have to move to Toronto to have a guaranteed booty call. He really doesn't.
I agree that I should be careful because he's never been on the serious side in the past, but I know he at least likes me genuinely. He could get an internship anywhere else... he's from Amsterdam, so it's not like his city is lacking in any coolness.

I called him polyamorous to his face once and he said he actually thinks one person is enough for him, but that he is not jealous, and if his partner wants to be open, then he's cool with that. And being Dutch, he's also a hippie and probably just likes everyone until he actually has a relationship-talk with someone.

This drives me crazy, but he would never purposely deceive me.


----------



## pied vert

pied vert said:


> :fall :fall :fall


im really pleased that I'm not getting my hopes up too high, just the right amount, like cuddling my pillow intensely while falling asleep.
i would really like all the interpretation I can get


----------



## veron

Last night I saw "He's just not that into you." This movie explains so much, lol. I highly recommend it.


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> Last night I saw "He's just not that into you." This movie explains so much, lol. I highly recommend it.


:laugh:


----------



## veron

I'm absolutely dumbfounded by what happened two days ago; I still can't believe it was real. My platonic friend of 2 years made a move on me. When I met him, he was in a long-term relationship with another woman. I didn't find him attractive in that sense, and he didn't seem to find me attractive either, and we had common interests and stuff and he was easy to talk to. So I hung out with him on a semi-regular basis, went out to parties with him. It was never just the two of us though, other people would come too and his girlfriend sometimes went along as well.

It became apparent to me early on that he was a very good friend. He seemed to genuinely care, and he was very considerate with me. Coincidentally, he has the same name as my brother. And I kind of came to think of him like a big brother, someone I could depend on.

Anyway, he soon moved in with his gf and they were living together. I knew the relationship was kind of rocky because they broke up once before. But he seemed totally dedicated to her. He started learning a foreign language because she wanted to move to another country. He didn't care for this other country, but he said he wanted to be with her no matter what, and that he'd do anything in order for them to stay together.

Moving on, soon after new year's I contacted him and we arranged to meet up for coffee. I said it would be nice if his brother came along too, as I hadn't seen him for a long time either and I knew him too. He said the brother would come, but when I showed up, it was only him. This was a surprise. We've also never hung out 1 on 1 before. Anyway, we started talking, and then he told me that he broke up with his gf. I was shocked. He spent some time lamenting about the breakup, I tried to console him... and then he said, "you know, I've always liked you." I was even more shocked. I thought that I must be dreaming or something, I just couldn't believe my ears. He said that he put a lot of thought into this, and decided that he would indeed propose that we, um, get together. I couldn't tell him in his face "no way in hell", so I said that I'd think about it.

I was really, really uncomfortable, and I'm shocked that he sees me in this new light after _two years_. How is this even possible? He even looked at me differently than he did before. Damn, it's almost as if my brother phoned me up and asked if we could be something more. It's sick.

That same night he sent me a goodnight text, and the following morning a text to say that he dreamed of me. He called me twice later that day (this was yesterday), I didn't answer, and then he sent me a text. I'm not taking his calls and I'm taking hours to reply to his texts, hoping that he'll get the hint and leave me alone.

And what really sucks about this situation is that I've lost a friend. He was like, one of 2 friends I had. I can't imagine hanging out with him after he confessed his feelings for me. It would be too awkward. I still don't understand how this is possible. When we met, he wasn't married and wasn't living with his gf, so if he liked me that much, he could have made a move on me then. But no, he does it two years later...


----------



## pied vert

veron said:


> I'm absolutely dumbfounded by what happened two days ago; I still can't believe it was real. My platonic friend of 2 years made a move on me. When I met him, he was in a long-term relationship with another woman. I didn't find him attractive in that sense, and he didn't seem to find me attractive either, and we had common interests and stuff and he was easy to talk to. So I hung out with him on a semi-regular basis, went out to parties with him. It was never just the two of us though, other people would come too and his girlfriend sometimes went along as well.
> 
> It became apparent to me early on that he was a very good friend. He seemed to genuinely care, and he was very considerate with me. Coincidentally, he has the same name as my brother. And I kind of came to think of him like a big brother, someone I could depend on.
> 
> Anyway, he soon moved in with his gf and they were living together. I knew the relationship was kind of rocky because they broke up once before. But he seemed totally dedicated to her. He started learning a foreign language because she wanted to move to another country. He didn't care for this other country, but he said he wanted to be with her no matter what, and that he'd do anything in order for them to stay together.
> 
> Moving on, soon after new year's I contacted him and we arranged to meet up for coffee. I said it would be nice if his brother came along too, as I hadn't seen him for a long time either and I knew him too. He said the brother would come, but when I showed up, it was only him. This was a surprise. We've also never hung out 1 on 1 before. Anyway, we started talking, and then he told me that he broke up with his gf. I was shocked. He spent some time lamenting about the breakup, I tried to console him... and then he said, "you know, I've always liked you." I was even more shocked. I thought that I must be dreaming or something, I just couldn't believe my ears. He said that he put a lot of thought into this, and decided that he would indeed propose that we, um, get together. I couldn't tell him in his face "no way in hell", so I said that I'd think about it.
> 
> I was really, really uncomfortable, and I'm shocked that he sees me in this new light after _two years_. How is this even possible? He even looked at me differently than he did before. Damn, it's almost as if my brother phoned me up and asked if we could be something more. It's sick.
> 
> That same night he sent me a goodnight text, and the following morning a text to say that he dreamed of me. He called me twice later that day (this was yesterday), I didn't answer, and then he sent me a text. I'm not taking his calls and I'm taking hours to reply to his texts, hoping that he'll get the hint and leave me alone.
> 
> And what really sucks about this situation is that I've lost a friend. He was like, one of 2 friends I had. I can't imagine hanging out with him after he confessed his feelings for me. It would be too awkward. I still don't understand how this is possible. When we met, he wasn't married and wasn't living with his gf, so if he liked me that much, he could have made a move on me then. But no, he does it two years later...


this was a while ago, how's it now?
Why can't you try to talk it out and see if you can continue to be friends? If I was him, I would prefer that. I would prefer that if I were you too. Maybe for you it's surprising, but people get feelings in all sorts of situations. If there's one thing you have to get used to in life, it's the unexpected. Go along with the flow, the flow is a nice place to be. Well anyway, this is probably out of date... how did it go, if you dont mind me asking?


----------



## pied vert

Prince,
you woke up this morning in the north country
you sighed at the one you love
and the day was brisk and clean
And you drank coffee, buttered toast, and
held hands, walked outside
and watched the morning dew disappear from the grass...when two men
with machine guns, camouflage gear, and painted faces jumped out of the woods
And shouted at you to put your hands up in the air
Ushering you off to a less kind place
Prince...


----------



## SparklingWater

Working on my soical anxiety. That's the only thing that will make me more appealing. I have lots of great qualities, I'm losing weight, I get lots of interest anyway. What's holding me back is what's in my own mind. I'm doing the work that will allow me to enjoy another person and not have a **** relationship.


----------



## veron

pied vert said:


> Well anyway, this is probably out of date... how did it go, if you dont mind me asking?


He asked me whether I wanted to meet up with him, and I said no (this was via text). He replied saying he's surprised that "I don't like him enough to even give it a try." And I'm thinking like, what is there to try, lol. I already know who he is - it's not like I'm going to fall in love after seeing him for the 100th time. We haven't had any contact since. Maybe one day I'll get in touch with him again, I don't know... I still feel kind of awkward about it. I need some new friends.


----------



## pied vert

i crush on people so damn easy


----------



## pied vert

We've known each other technically for over a year now, which is actually a lot. We've been romantic with each other ever since we've known each other. Except we have spent comparably very little time in contact. We weren't talking for 9 months, during which time I was under the impression we were done and would never talk again. Even after we started again (his doing), there have been so many silences and attempts (from me) at ending our friendship because it _hurts_ a lot. 
he doesn't try to use me for sex, he wants to cuddle me, and talk, and be together. This bothers me...If he was using me for simple company since the beginning, I wouldn't attach myself to him or feel like his approval of me matters. But once I've shown him what's in my mind, to have him turn me down after that is utterly destroying. And he's gone away from me so many times. It can be mentally horrible, but it's reaching the point of physical discomfort. Like soreness. Or like thinking about him is staring at the sun and I just want to be able to stop.

I imagine him fcking other girls all the time. Even when it's been weeks since I've talked to him, and I am just walking down the street on my way somewhere, the image of it will push itself over everything else. It hurts. I have coincidentally not slept with anyone since he started talking to me again in September. I think he thinks I'm banging everyone. Maybe, but he probably doesn't think about it at all. I want to do it just to do it, but I can't bring myself to. The last time I tried to end it with him, I said it's because it feels bad not to be more than friends. He asked if I want to be more, and I said I don't think we should even talk anymore, but what would he have said if I had said I did? He said he was willing to try.

He didn't try to talk to me for over a month because neither did I. he said he figured I didn't even miss him. _He has no idea._ It baffles the ifubiodhfg out of me that he feels insecure about me. He tells me things like that, that he's afraid I don't like him that much. It drives me to wanting to prove it to him, tell him everything, but I know that's childish fantasy because if I did, he would never be able to reciprocate. sometimes I want to be strong enough to do it anyway - not mind the rejection or what I might receive in return, but just to be honest and give him everything I want to give him and for him to give to me, but I get cowardly. I end up thinking in really shallow terms "but how desperate will I look?" ...why am I so afraid of him after a year and so much convincing on his part that he _does_ like me, that he would even date me, that he wants to fly to me in the summer from across the ocean and spend weeks with me on the road. I don't believe him after all of it. I get the impression that this kind of insecurity is typical to deep wanting and crushes. That is a bit helpful to me.
If it's everyone thinking the same thing no matter what, I know that it can't always be true.

I wake up and go to sleep thinking about him. I think the worst of myself when I realize he can't be doing the same thing. I really don't like thinking about people I know when I masturbate because it makes me feel creepy. With him I've completely given up on that. I don't even think about him in a filthy way anymore. Literally what gets me off is the idea of us being committed to each other. Like thats what I'm thinking when I'm going at it, relationship sex with him, and him even getting me pregnant. Not only because of the event itself, but because of the commitment of it. That one really does it for me. As soon as I remember that I get off. It's hilarious. I've never gotten off to anything other than thoughts of filth before.


----------



## veron

It seems like I have a date tomorrow :O This guy is waaay too young for my liking (8 years younger, LOL), but he's cute and seems smart. He messaged me first months ago, but that didn't really go anywhere, because he didn't say much, and I got the impression that he wasn't very interested. We've been talking sporadically on and off, and today I finally asked him if he wanted to meet up. To my surprise, he jumped at that invitation, lol. We're meeting tomorrow. I have no idea why he hadn't asked me out before, if he was interested. Maybe he's looking for an older, alpha woman to lead him? That is _so_ not me, haha.

So yeah, I'm pretty nervous right now. I think he might be surprised at how quiet I am in real life. And I don't know much about him either. Judging from his social media, he's a well adjusted dude with plenty of friends, so I'm hopeful that he'll be able to carry a conversation with me... hahaha.


----------



## SparklingWater

@veron Good luck on your date! Sounds exciting. Hope it goes well. :smile2:



realisticandhopeful said:


> Working on my social anxiety. That's the only thing that will make me more appealing. I have lots of great qualities, I'm losing weight, I get lots of interest anyway. What's holding me back is what's in my own mind. I'm doing the work that will allow me to enjoy another person and not have a **** relationship.


Same still. Slow ****ing going though sheesh.


----------



## solasum

veron said:


> It seems like I have a date tomorrow :O This guy is waaay too young for my liking (8 years younger, LOL), but he's cute and seems smart. He messaged me first months ago, but that didn't really go anywhere, because he didn't say much, and I got the impression that he wasn't very interested. We've been talking sporadically on and off, and today I finally asked him if he wanted to meet up. To my surprise, he jumped at that invitation, lol. We're meeting tomorrow. I have no idea why he hadn't asked me out before, if he was interested. Maybe he's looking for an older, alpha woman to lead him? That is _so_ not me, haha.
> 
> So yeah, I'm pretty nervous right now. I think he might be surprised at how quiet I am in real life. And I don't know much about him either. Judging from his social media, he's a well adjusted dude with plenty of friends, so I'm hopeful that he'll be able to carry a conversation with me... hahaha.


Congrats! Let us know how it goes


----------



## tea111red

nothing really. i keep encountering some guy that's attractive when going to work, though. our schedules have strangely been coinciding lately. i saw him once, then nothing for weeks, and now i think i've seen him every day that i've worked for the past few weeks. it seems like he looks at me intensely, but i could be imagining this. :stu 

:afr

:stu

there really isn't much time or opportunity to interact more w/ this person. i just say what i need to say and he just does his job.


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> nothing really. i keep encountering some guy that's attractive when going to work, though. our schedules have strangely been coinciding lately. i saw him once, then nothing for weeks, and now i think i've seen him every day that i've worked for the past few weeks. it seems like he looks at me intensely, but i could be imagining this. :stu
> 
> :afr
> 
> :stu
> 
> there really isn't much time or opportunity to interact more w/ this person. i just say what i need to say and he just does his job.


Initiate! See if he has a ring. If not say something like I think you're cute would you like to grab a coffee sometime? Exchange numbers and boom...that easy. Be flirty, push them puppies up and own it girl. You got this. :smile2:


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> Initiate! See if he has a ring. If not say something like I think you're cute would you like to grab a coffee sometime? Exchange numbers and boom...that easy. Be flirty, push them puppies up and own it girl. You got this. :smile2:


:lol oh boy...

i think the best i can do is just be pleasant. plus, it just isn't me to act/dress like how you're describing, lol. i'm more conservative/modest...:hide

i don't really want to go way out of my way and get rejected hard, which seems likely. :lol i don't really want to make a fool out of myself...i don't have enough mental reserves to deal w/ that.

i just don't even know what i could say to him other than what i'm there for, period! :stu :lol

if this guy is interested, he can initiate stuff. i'd feel better knowing the guy initiated stuff anyway.

really though, i don't really expect anything to happen.

:stu

i don't know.


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> :lol oh boy...
> 
> i think the best i can do is just be pleasant. plus, it just isn't me to act/dress like how you're describing, lol. i'm more conservative/modest...:hide
> 
> i don't really want to go way out of my way and get rejected hard, which seems likely. :lol i don't really want to make a fool out of myself...i don't have enough mental reserves to deal w/ that.
> 
> i just don't even know what i could say to him other than what i'm there for, period! :stu :lol
> 
> if this guy is interested, he can initiate stuff. i'd feel better knowing the guy initiated stuff anyway.
> 
> really though, i don't really expect anything to happen.
> 
> :stu
> 
> i don't know.


Haha ok, just trying to help you out. Hmm well I hope the young man makes a move eventually.


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> Haha ok, just trying to help you out. Hmm well I hope the young man makes a move eventually.


lol, he's young alright....at least 5 yrs younger than me.

yeah, but i guess i'm being forced to deal w/ some of my issues so there's that if nothing happens.


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> lol, he's young alright....at least 5 yrs younger than me.
> 
> yeah, but i guess i'm being forced to deal w/ some of my issues so there's that if nothing happens.


Haha, I'm sure you look young for your age so no issue there. The guy might be nervous or something so that is why I suggested to make a move lol. But good luck hope the guy takes a chance on you.


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> Haha, I'm sure you look young for your age so no issue there. The guy might be nervous or something so that is why I suggested to make a move lol. But good luck hope the guy takes a chance on you.


yeah. i've always looked younger than my age. the most recent comment i've heard was that i looked younger than this girl that is 8 yrs younger than me.

he doesn't come across as nervous. i feel like it's apparent i am, though. i've embarrassed myself a few times already in front of him.

i feel like i'm blowing all this stuff up in my mind now.... like i'm trying to find something that's not there. :lol stupid....

anyway, thanks.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Perusing this thread out of boredom reminds me precisely why it's so much easier to just stay single. There seems to be an incredible disconnect between what broader society values and what is sacred and natural. It gives you a dull sense of disillusionment that most would misconstrue as bitterness. Or perhaps that's just me.


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> yeah. i've always looked younger than my age. the most recent comment i've heard was that i looked younger than this girl that is 8 yrs younger than me.
> 
> he doesn't come across as nervous. i feel like it's apparent i am, though. i've embarrassed myself a few times already in front of him.
> 
> i feel like i'm blowing all this stuff up in my mind now.... like i'm trying to find something that's not there. :lol stupid....
> 
> anyway, thanks.


Hmm that is good, whatever you're doing to stay young keep at it. Yeah it could be nothing just saying if the guy is interested hope he makes a move soon. Also awkwardness is cute.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> lol, he's young alright....at least 5 yrs younger than me.
> 
> yeah, but i guess i'm being forced to deal w/ some of my issues so there's that if nothing happens.


Good luck.

Do remember that the aforementioned puppies referred to by Kevin will help to mitigate any negative effects of awkward conversation. There is a direct correlation between puppy presence and leeway given.

I hope that helps.:smile2:


----------



## tea111red

LonelyLurker said:


> Good luck.
> 
> Do remember that the aforementioned puppies referred to by Kevin will help to mitigate any negative effects of awkward conversation. There is a direct correlation between puppy presence and leeway given.
> 
> I hope that helps.:smile2:


nah. there's nothing to show anyway.

responses encouraging this really makes me not even want to be around men. that guy earlier talked about this thread making him want to stay single. well, responses like this make me want to stay single and not even bother. a lot of stuff men say makes me feel ugly as hell and not good enough.

i feel like i need to stay in isolation or something for the rest of my life for not being good looking enough for men or being able to meet their standards.

would you 2 dump your gf/wife if she got cancer and had to have her tits removed

anyway. i don't want to bother w/ anyone now. i feel like i want to stay single and isolated.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> nah. there's nothing to show anyway.
> 
> responses encouraging this really makes me not even want to be around men. that guy earlier talked about this thread making him want to stay single. well, responses like this make me want to stay single and not even bother. a lot of stuff men say makes me feel ugly as hell and not good enough.
> 
> i feel like i need to stay in isolation or something for the rest of my life for not being good looking enough for men or being able to meet their standards.
> 
> would you 2 dump your gf/wife if she got cancer and had to have her tits removed
> 
> anyway. i don't want to bother w/ anyone now. i feel like i want to stay single and isolated.


I was only joking, if we get serious for a minute, different men like different things. Personally I wouldn't care whether you (or any woman in general) was busty or not, there are more important things than breast size.

Do you really feel inadequate when you hear stuff like that?

All men aren't really like that, there's no need to worry, I'm sure you're absolutely fine.

Forgive me?:smile2:


----------



## noydb

tea111red said:


> a lot of stuff men say makes me feel ugly as hell and not good enough..


lol same. :crying: 
Don't give up though. There's guys out there who don't think like that (don't mean to suggest that guys who do are bad, btw, everyone is entitled to their preferences). Hopefully that includes the one at your work! Would be pretty cool if something happened, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.


----------



## noydb

Also find it funny how younger men are a theme in here lately- pretty relevant to me at the moment. :lol


----------



## LonelyLurker

noydb said:


> lol same. :crying:
> Don't give up though. There's guys out there who don't think like that (don't mean to suggest that guys who do are bad, btw, everyone is entitled to their preferences). Hopefully that includes the one at your work! Would be pretty cool if something happened, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.


Serious question.

Even though I've already explained that I was joking, if someone was being serious and hurt your feelings as a result. Do you ever feel guilty about expressing your preferences in case they hurt the feelings of a man/woman who doesn't meet them?

Just looking around will let you know that things like that aren't that important (generally speaking), there's not really any point in allowing someone's opinion to upset you like that, though that's easier said than done.


----------



## tea111red

noydb said:


> lol same. :crying:
> Don't give up though. There's guys out there who don't think like that (don't mean to suggest that guys who do are bad, btw, everyone is entitled to their preferences). Hopefully that includes the one at your work! Would be pretty cool if something happened, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.


thank you... that's nice of you to say. i appreciate your post.


----------



## Blue Dino

tea111red said:


> nah. there's nothing to show anyway.
> 
> responses encouraging this really makes me not even want to be around men. that guy earlier talked about this thread making him want to stay single. well, responses like this make me want to stay single and not even bother. a lot of stuff men say makes me feel ugly as hell and not good enough.
> 
> i feel like i need to stay in isolation or something for the rest of my life for not being good looking enough for men or being able to meet their standards.


:lol I can't believe the "puppies" statement. To me it seems like an oversell cliche that some people really believe in. Honestly you should just approach and talk to him, without any "puppies" adjustments or being flirty. I think you only do those if you're just looking for a quick hookup at a party or a club. Just be yourself, approach him with ease and talk. Just get acquainted with him for now.


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> responses encouraging this really makes me not even want to be around men. that guy earlier talked about this thread making him want to stay single. well, responses like this make me want to stay single and not even bother. a lot of stuff men say makes me feel ugly as hell and not good enough.





Blue Dino said:


> :lol I can't believe the "puppies" statement. To me it seems like an oversell cliche that some people really believe in. Honestly you should just approach and talk to him, without any "puppies" adjustments or being flirty. I think you only do those if you're just looking for a quick hookup at a party or a club. Just be yourself, approach him with ease and talk. Just get acquainted with him for now.


Aww, I was just pretty much saying you need something to catch his eye. A guy isn't going to be like oh man check out that chick's personality. But yeah I mean the more you talk to him I guess he could get more interested.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Post_Punk_Proclivity said:


> Perusing this thread out of boredom reminds me precisely why it's so much easier to just stay single. There seems to be an incredible disconnect between what broader society values and what is sacred and natural. It gives you a dull sense of disillusionment that most would misconstrue as bitterness. Or perhaps that's just me.


Yeah but your avatar is cool?


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah but your avatar is cool?


:rofl

I have two potential ways of interpreting this. The first is reassuring and the other gave me a good laugh, provided that you were being sarcastic. So thank-you, and hats off.

I was actually having an irrational moment, and perhaps I should have clarified that it was implicit that both men and women have their respective struggles in a bid to prevent the almost incontrovertible gender war I feared may've come to fruition. Thankfully so far all I've had is somebody who took my post completely out of context and then this possibly very amusing post.

(And on the off chance you were genuinely complimenting my avatar, thanks.)


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Post_Punk_Proclivity said:


> :rofl
> 
> I have two potential ways of interpreting this. The first is reassuring and the other gave me a good laugh, provided that you were being sarcastic. So thank-you, and hats off.
> 
> I was actually having an irrational moment, and perhaps I should have clarified that it was implicit that both men and women have their respective struggles in a bid to prevent the almost incontrovertible gender war I feared may've come to fruition. Thankfully so far all I've had is somebody who took my post completely out of context and then this possibly very amusing post.
> 
> (And on the off chance you were genuinely complimenting my avatar, thanks.)


Ah, I'd like to be funny but actually I just like The Crow lol.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Persephone The Dread said:


> Ah, I'd like to be funny but actually I just like The Crow lol.


So I guess the first interpetation was accurate (I'm horrible at gauging possible sarcasm online, ah well).

But yes, it's a great film. Just the first and second though. The franchise went to the dogs thereafter. I'm also a big fan of the OST. Many great bands on that soundtrack.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Post_Punk_Proclivity said:


> So I guess the first interpetation was accurate (I'm horrible at gauging possible sarcasm online, ah well).
> 
> But yes, it's a great film. Just the first and second though. The franchise went to the dogs thereafter. I'm also a big fan of the OST. Many great bands on that soundtrack.


I haven't seen the second film, but the first is really good. Yeah I like Burn and the Dead Souls cover by NiN.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Persephone The Dread said:


> I haven't seen the second film, but the first is really good. Yeah I like Burn and the Dead Souls cover by NiN.


I'd personally give it a recommend, it's entitled "City of Angels". Not as good as the first, but still watchable.

Also, "Colour Me Once" by the Violent Femmes is a great number from that soundtrack. Those two you mentioned are often cited as people's favorites. Honestly I think that Cure song was one of their best. It just had such a strong gothic atmosphere. And there's no need to mention the awesomness of anything Joy Division related here..

Sorry for derailing the thread, Op.


----------



## veron

realisticandhopeful said:


> @veron Good luck on your date! Sounds exciting. Hope it goes well. :smile2:





solasum said:


> Congrats! Let us know how it goes


Thank you girlies 

The date went OK I guess. It was kind of funny though, because we went someplace after I finished work, and a few minutes into our date, some of my coworkers showed up, lol. They noticed me alright, haha. We were sitting outside, and as the date progressed, it was getting increasingly cold, to the point that I was freezing. I desperately wanted to go indoors, but didn't want us to sit next to my colleagues, and so I suggested we end our date. It was like an hour long.

Anyway, he was much more serious in person than I expected. Online, he ends every sentence with a smiley face, so I guess I thought he would be more laid back. This guy loves to talk. And to boast. He kept talking about his accomplishments, his dreams, apparently he's a multi-talented genius star athlete, but due to various circumstances (usually lack of his parents' money), doesn't have much to show for it. His delusions of grandeur remind me of my ex. I'm not sure if he was just trying hard to impress me, or if this is how he usually behaves. He didn't ask me much about myself, but mostly talked on and on about himself.

He's also rather pessimistic, he complained about things he doesn't like about this country, about how he wants to move elsewhere, etc. What's the point of dating a younger guy if he's going to act like a bitter 50-year old? Not my thing!

On the positive side, he looks pretty good. He also doesn't smoke nor do drugs, something that's rare to find in my area. Good physical hygiene as well.

At the end of our date, he said, "you have my number, give me a call if you want to get together again." He doesn't have my number (I refused to give it to him while we were still chatting online, heh), so I guess the ball is kind of in my court. So now I'm in a dilemma. Should I see him again? Maybe he'll grow on me more after the second date. And I have no idea what he thinks about me.


----------



## tehuti88

Post_Punk_Proclivity said:


> Perusing this thread out of boredom reminds me precisely why it's so much easier to just stay single. There seems to be an incredible disconnect between what broader society values and what is sacred and natural. It gives you a dull sense of disillusionment that most would misconstrue as bitterness. Or perhaps that's just me.


I get the same disillusioned feeling when I peek in on the guy thread. Best for me to not look at it that much. So I understand why this thread can bring up the same feelings in guys.

I try not to hold it against them for not liking my type. It just sucks to not fit _anyone's_ type. :/


----------



## KILOBRAVO

^ there's no such thing a type. everyone's got different preferences and likes. everyone has individual personality and this is fine. its only that the person hasnt met a person compatable with them yet and 99% of that I luck and circumstances

anyway, I didn't think women had to actively do "anything"? I just thought they just stood around and waited for guys to come to them and All they had to do was decide if they wanted anything in commin or not?


----------



## Pongowaffle

I have been sitting around local playgrounds waiting for the parents' backs to turn.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@veron

I believe men act that way as they feel they need to impress a women (insecure).

If say to him you like him for him, not what he has, etc, see if he calms down a bit. If not, might be his personality around you (his problem, not yours).

You'll know when there is a spark, by the way he acts, looks at you, does things for you, etc. Men act a certain way when in love. Like a puppy dog as some women say.


----------



## solasum

veron said:


> Thank you girlies
> 
> The date went OK I guess. It was kind of funny though, because we went someplace after I finished work, and a few minutes into our date, some of my coworkers showed up, lol. They noticed me alright, haha. We were sitting outside, and as the date progressed, it was getting increasingly cold, to the point that I was freezing. I desperately wanted to go indoors, but didn't want us to sit next to my colleagues, and so I suggested we end our date. It was like an hour long.
> 
> Anyway, he was much more serious in person than I expected. Online, he ends every sentence with a smiley face, so I guess I thought he would be more laid back. This guy loves to talk. And to boast. He kept talking about his accomplishments, his dreams, apparently he's a multi-talented genius star athlete, but due to various circumstances (usually lack of his parents' money), doesn't have much to show for it. His delusions of grandeur remind me of my ex. I'm not sure if he was just trying hard to impress me, or if this is how he usually behaves. He didn't ask me much about myself, but mostly talked on and on about himself.
> 
> He's also rather pessimistic, he complained about things he doesn't like about this country, about how he wants to move elsewhere, etc. What's the point of dating a younger guy if he's going to act like a bitter 50-year old? Not my thing!
> 
> On the positive side, he looks pretty good. He also doesn't smoke nor do drugs, something that's rare to find in my area. Good physical hygiene as well.
> 
> At the end of our date, he said, "you have my number, give me a call if you want to get together again." He doesn't have my number (I refused to give it to him while we were still chatting online, heh), so I guess the ball is kind of in my court. So now I'm in a dilemma. Should I see him again? Maybe he'll grow on me more after the second date. And I have no idea what he thinks about me.


That's funny that your coworkers showed up! I think I would have died. It seems like one hour with someone isn't giving him much of a chance, and he was probably eager to impress you. A lot of the time on dates I've noticed that the guy will talk most of the time, I guess because I'm so quiet. Someone told me he wanted me to talk more, but he apparently wasn't asking the right questions to get me to open up. I don't blame you for not giving him your number lol. One time I gave someone a different name to call me. Could you start off being friends?


----------



## OtterlyAbsurd

I'm chatting with two guys and a girl on OkCupid... I'm not really sure if it's going anywhere with any of them, but they all seem nice so far. It's really new, though, just in the last day or two. Plus I have like 75 filtered messages so I'm skimming through those and god, there's some gross stuff. "I'd pay $50 for your dirty panties," like I'm not even kidding.

But also there's a message from the guy I have a crush on right now! I would message him back, but it would totally be breaking my "don't have any expectations" online dating rule and also we're both in a small class that requires a lot of interaction and discussion and it's my favorite class, so I don't want to ruin it. Ugh, f*** social anxiety.


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> The date went OK I guess. It was kind of funny though, because we went someplace after I finished work, and a few minutes into our date, some of my coworkers showed up, lol. They noticed me alright, haha. We were sitting outside, and as the date progressed, it was getting increasingly cold, to the point that I was freezing. I desperately wanted to go indoors, but didn't want us to sit next to my colleagues, and so I suggested we end our date. It was like an hour long.


Congratulations on following through, sounds like he f'd that date right up. You're very forgiving to be thinking of giving him a second chance, he must *really* look good .

I think you could have said why you didn't want to go inside, I'd have found it cute, maybe offer to go for a walk or something, offer you my jacket to show how much of a gentleman I am .


----------



## LonelyLurker

OtterlyAbsurd said:


> But also there's a message from the guy I have a crush on right now! I would message him back, but it would totally be breaking my "don't have any expectations" online dating rule and also we're both in a small class that requires a lot of interaction and discussion and it's my favorite class, so I don't want to ruin it. Ugh, f*** social anxiety.


Come on Otterly don't be Absurd.:smile2:

Message back, see where it goes, you might just get your expectations met.


----------



## Kevin001

OtterlyAbsurd said:


> I Plus I have like 75 filtered messages so I'm skimming through those and god, there's some gross stuff. "I'd pay $50 for your dirty panties," like I'm not even kidding.
> 
> But also there's a message from the guy I have a crush on right now! I would message him back, but it would totally be breaking my "don't have any expectations" online dating rule and also we're both in a small class that requires a lot of interaction and discussion and it's my favorite class, so I don't want to ruin it. Ugh, f*** social anxiety.


Lmao

But message the guy, don't want to miss your window. Could turn into something great.


----------



## veron

@ANX1 thanks for the input 



solasum said:


> Could you start off being friends?


Hah, he actually said that he's just looking for friends. I asked him what he was doing on a dating site then (this was back while we were chatting online), and he said he wants to meet more people. I know that he doesn't want to admit that he can't find a girlfriend, hence the "I'm not looking" attitude. This is perfectly in sync with the personality he displayed on our date.

As for being friends, I'm not sure if we have enough in common for that. When we do come across a topic we're both interested in, he does all the talking, and I don't get to say much.



LonelyLurker said:


> Congratulations on following through, sounds like he f'd that date right up. You're very forgiving to be thinking of giving him a second chance, he must *really* look good .
> 
> I think you could have said why you didn't want to go inside, I'd have found it cute, maybe offer to go for a walk or something, offer you my jacket to show how much of a gentleman I am .


:lol

Yeah he actually saw my colleagues, I commented on them. It's not a big deal really, but it would have been awkward if they could see us all the time 

Hmm, I think that rather than asking to see him again, I'll give him my number. If he asks me out I'll agree to another date; as Solasum said, an hour isn't really enough to get to know someone. And if he doesn't call, oh well, I'm not going to be disappointed either.


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> Aww, I was just pretty much saying you need something to catch his eye. A guy isn't going to be like oh man check out that chick's personality. But yeah I mean the more you talk to him I guess he could get more interested.


i thought when a guy looks at you intensely it means he's attracted to you?maybe i imagined that or maybe he was looking at me because i look weird. he's done it several times, though. maybe he just looks at people that way? :stu

well, even if this guy is attracted to me or could become attracted...i don't know how to talk to him (or most men...and people, i guess). i don't know what i would talk to him about. i have a limited amount of time to talk anyway. i can't really chit-chat for long w/ this person (esp. when i'm running late to work :lol).


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> i thought when a guy looks at you intensely it means he's attracted to you?maybe i imagined that or maybe he was looking at me because i look weird. he's done it several times, though. maybe he just looks at people that way? :stu
> 
> well, even if this guy is attracted to me or could become attracted...i don't know how to talk to him (or most men...and people, i guess). i don't know what i would talk to him about. i have a limited amount of time to talk anyway. i can't really chit-chat for long w/ this person (esp. when i'm running late to work :lol).


He's done that? Good sign! He might be intimidated by your beauty you know how guys are. One of you guys have to make a move.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@veron

You're welcome.


----------



## tea111red

Kevin001 said:


> He might be intimidated by your beauty you know how guys are.


that still sounds like such a laugh....esp. after looking in the mirror. i'm probably imagining stuff. he probably throws up or something (or at least in his mind) after being forced to look at me. no way do i feel like making any move (however you go about doing that).....he'd probably be really insulted if i did.

he doesn't really come across as intimidated by me, either.

again, i think i'm/have been imagining stuff. yeah. i feel comfortable going w/ that.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> that still sounds like such a laugh....esp. after looking in the mirror. i'm probably imagining stuff. he probably throws up or something (or at least in his mind) after being forced to look at me. no way do i feel like making any move (however you go about doing that).....he'd probably be really insulted if i did.
> 
> he doesn't really come across as intimidated by me, either.
> 
> again, i think i'm/have been imagining stuff. yeah. i feel comfortable going w/ that.


It's alright if you don't make a move (you'd be able to get away with just smiling, saying "hi", giving him your number written on a piece of paper, telling him to call you, saying bye and going to work), I can understand having low self esteem. But you should try to improve your self image, I don't know anything about you but I'm fairly confident that you aren't the hideous person you describe. Even if you aren't conventionally attractive, beauty is subjective (so it's likely some men would find you attractive regardless of what you look like) and looks aren't the only thing a woman has to offer in any event.

Don't be so hard on yourself.


----------



## tea111red

LonelyLurker said:


> It's alright if you don't make a move (you'd be able to get away with just smiling, saying "hi", giving him your number written on a piece of paper, telling him to call you, saying bye and going to work), I can understand having low self esteem. But you should try to improve your self image, I don't know anything about you but I'm fairly confident that you aren't the hideous person you describe. Even if you aren't conventionally attractive, beauty is subjective (so it's likely some men would find you attractive regardless of what you look like) and looks aren't the only thing a woman has to offer in any event.
> 
> Don't be so hard on yourself.


...cringe...

had to delete what i wrote.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> Deleted out of respect.
> 
> ...cringe...


I can understand being very shy, luckily I'm not so bad anymore but I still remember what it was like.

What about the time you said "hi" was embarrassing, do you know?


----------



## tea111red

LonelyLurker said:


> I can understand being very shy, luckily I'm not so bad anymore but I still remember what it was like.
> 
> What about the time you said "hi" was embarrassing, do you know?


it just made me feel more vulnerable to rejection and humiliation, i guess.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> it just made me feel more vulnerable to rejection and humiliation, i guess.


I see, how did he respond when you said hi? Did he smile?


----------



## Kevin001

tea111red said:


> that still sounds like such a laugh....esp. after looking in the mirror. i'm probably imagining stuff. he probably throws up or something (or at least in his mind) after being forced to look at me. no way do i feel like making any move (however you go about doing that).....he'd probably be really insulted if i did.
> 
> he doesn't really come across as intimidated by me, either.
> 
> again, i think i'm/have been imagining stuff. yeah. i feel comfortable going w/ that.


I'm 90% sure you're attractive to most guys. I'm praying this guy makes a move......fingers crossed.


----------



## tea111red

probably more like 0.90% :lol


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> ...cringe...
> 
> had to delete what i wrote.


Don't worry, I deleted it in my quote too. I don't think it was anything to be embarrassed about but I understand.


----------



## veron

Well, I gave him my number, he said he hopes we'll see each other again, and that he can meet me anyplace I want. _Damn_, this is one passive dude. So the burden of planning the next date has fallen onto me again. I can't think of any ideas, I'm not good with this sort of thing. I really prefer being with more take-charge type of guys.


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> Well, I gave him my number, he said he hopes we'll see each other again, and that he can meet me anyplace I want. _Damn_, this is one passive dude. So the burden of planning the next date has fallen onto me again. I can't think of any ideas, I'm not good with this sort of thing. I really prefer being with more take-charge type of guys.


You should have used what you learnt on the date to employ some reverse psychology.

"Oh, I thought that you would already have ideas for things we could do given how talented you said you were and how creative you appeared to be. It's OK though, not everyone can think of date ideas, I'll think of something and get back to you."

Then sit back and let that ego come to life, he'd probably say something like...

"I didn't say I didn't have ideas I just wanted to let you choose because I'm a modern man."

Then you could say...

"Give me some ideas to choose from then."

Then he would say...

"Well we could go to a place and do stuff, fun stuff and things, interesting things when we get there."

Then you could say...

"You're struggling to think of anything aren't you?"

Then he would say...

"Nuh uh."

Then you could say...

"Yuh huh."

Then you would both laugh, get married and so on.:laugh:


----------



## veron

LonelyLurker said:


> Then you would both laugh, get married and so on.:laugh:


Haha nooooo, so not getting married


----------



## SparklingWater

veron said:


> Well, I gave him my number, he said he hopes we'll see each other again, and that he can meet me anyplace I want. _Damn_, this is one passive dude. So the burden of planning the next date has fallen onto me again. I can't think of any ideas, I'm not good with this sort of thing. I really prefer being with more take-charge type of guys.


Lol from your description of the date (especially the boasting) and this new manner of BS, I am super turned off by him. So passive. Even I can ask 'hey want to go to the aquarium or something next weekend?' He's doing the most not to ask and risk getting a no. Aggressive and passive are equally turn offs. Assertive clear communication is the way to go. Well if you want give him another go. He may surprise you. Would be the end of the line for me though.


----------



## tea111red

could it mean anything if this guard i see when going to work gets my passes ready before i even arrive? 

or is he just being efficient at work?


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> could it mean anything if this guard i see when going to work gets my passes ready before i even arrive?
> 
> or is he just being efficient at work?


You need to ask this guy out already. :b


----------



## gunner21

veron said:


> Well, I gave him my number, he said he hopes we'll see each other again, and that he can meet me anyplace I want. _Damn_, this is one passive dude. So the burden of planning the next date has fallen onto me again. I can't think of any ideas, I'm not good with this sort of thing. I really prefer being with more take-charge type of guys.


Maybe he really wants to see you, and doesn't want to risk a rejection by pitching a bad date idea.


----------



## tea111red

SamanthaStrange said:


> You need to ask this guy out already. :b


lol, i'm still not sure if this guy likes me/is attracted to me.... i don't want to embarrass myself by trying to talk to him if he's not, lol. i really don't know what i'd say to him anyway. :lol

i think i could be reading into stuff too much, but i don't know.

:stu


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> lol, i'm still not sure if this guy likes me/is attracted to me.... i don't want to embarrass myself by trying to talk to him if he's not, lol. i really don't know what i'd say to him anyway. :lol
> 
> i think i could be reading into stuff too much, but i don't know.
> 
> :stu


I understand, lol. Maybe he'll ask you out eventually.


----------



## tea111red

SamanthaStrange said:


> Maybe he'll ask you out eventually.


probably not. :lol

relationships and stuff don't ever seem to materialize w/ me.


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> probably not. :lol
> 
> relationships and stuff don't ever seem to materialize w/ me.


:squeeze


----------



## The Library of Emma

Set trap in my front yard. Used extra crunchy cheetos as bait.


----------



## LonelyLurker

She and Her Darkness said:


> Set trap in my front yard. Used extra crunchy cheetos as bait.


That might actually work.

I don't want to be accused of mansplaining but you may want to incorporate a bacon element.:laugh:


----------



## Kilgore Trout

She and Her Darkness said:


> Set trap in my front yard. Used extra crunchy cheetos as bait.


Damn, we live in an apartment.
If we had a yard I'm sure I could get a girl with some gummi candy and greengage as bait (That's how you trap Iranian girls  ).


----------



## veron

realisticandhopeful said:


> Lol from your description of the date (especially the boasting) and this new manner of BS, I am super turned off by him. So passive.


Yeah, me too. I've been thinking about whether to ask him out again for the past couple of days, and I just can't do it. Just not interested enough I guess.



gunner21 said:


> Maybe he really wants to see you, and doesn't want to risk a rejection by pitching a bad date idea.


Yeah, could be. But what he doesn't seem to get is that if he leaves everything up to the girl, she might not make a move, and that won't get him anywhere either 



tea111red said:


> lol, i'm still not sure if this guy likes me/is attracted to me.... i don't want to embarrass myself by trying to talk to him if he's not, lol. i really don't know what i'd say to him anyway. :lol


How about a causal "hi, how's it going today" when you see him next time? And see where it goes from there. You're not going to embarrass yourself by talking to him if he's not interested in you; he'll probably interpret it as friendly behavior. Pretty common stuff :yes


----------



## tea111red

veron said:


> How about a causal "hi, how's it going today" when you see him next time? And see where it goes from there. You're not going to embarrass yourself by talking to him if he's not interested in you; he'll probably interpret it as friendly behavior. Pretty common stuff :yes


lol, the thought of having to say anything more than "hi" and what i'm there for makes me feel like this (i know it's ridiculous):










i'm sure i'll be embarrassing myself more in the future, lol.......


----------



## noydb

I had a really horrible date today. I'm worried I'll never connect with a guy again. Or anyone, really. :sigh


----------



## SparklingWater

noydb said:


> I'm worried I'll never connect with a guy again. Or anyone, really. :sigh


:frown2: Same. Not a great feeling.


----------



## noydb

realisticandhopeful said:


> :frown2: Same. Not a great feeling.


Can't understand how people seem to get into relationships so seamlessly like it's no big deal. Are they really happy and connecting with each other or are they just taking what they can get? I genuinely don't know. I feel like there is something wrong with me.


----------



## Kevin001

noydb said:


> I had a really horrible date today. I'm worried I'll never connect with a guy again. Or anyone, really. :sigh


Congrats you got out there. Keep trying. The more you try the greater your chances of making something happen. I'm sure you'll land a connection soon enough if you keep going out.


----------



## noydb

Kevin001 said:


> Congrats you got out there. Keep trying. The more you try the greater your chances of making something happen. I'm sure you'll land a connection soon enough if you keep going out.


Thanks. Don't know when I'll have the opportunity to go out with anyone again though. It's pretty rare for anyone to take an interest in me. :crying: But I guess I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't be myself around...


----------



## Kevin001

noydb said:


> Thanks. Don't know when I'll have the opportunity to go out with anyone again though. It's pretty rare for anyone to take an interest in me. :crying: But I guess I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't be myself around...


Aww, I have a feeling everything will be fine as long as you keep trying. But yeah never settle.


----------



## veron

noydb said:


> I had a really horrible date today. I'm worried I'll never connect with a guy again. Or anyone, really. :sigh


So, what happened?


----------



## LonelyLurker

realisticandhopeful said:


> :frown2: Same. Not a great feeling.


You usually seem more positive than this, what's going on?


----------



## noydb

veron said:


> So, what happened?


Well, this was our fourth date and we hadn't seen each other for ages since the last one (though we did text). I was so awkward you would think it was the first time we'd seen each other face-to-face. I could sense he was uncomfortable, too. The worst part was when he started to talk about how much he disliked introverted and weird people. It was as though he was literally describing me, even though he clearly had no idea. He kept talking about his friends and what they get up to as well and I'm now positive he would judge me pretty harshly for not having any close friends myself. It just made me feel so bad about myself.


----------



## msbm0sh

It's Funny how things work out but after a period of living a very sheltered life I decided to give socializing a try. I went a small conference in college and saw a girl with a home made smoothy so I approached her and we talked about smoothies and became friends. She eventually introduced me to my fiancé.


----------



## veron

noydb said:


> Well, this was our fourth date and we hadn't seen each other for ages since the last one (though we did text). I was so awkward you would think it was the first time we'd seen each other face-to-face. I could sense he was uncomfortable, too. The worst part was when he started to talk about how much he disliked introverted and weird people. It was as though he was literally describing me, even though he clearly had no idea. He kept talking about his friends and what they get up to as well and I'm now positive he would judge me pretty harshly for not having any close friends myself. It just made me feel so bad about myself.


Oh, I feel for you... I've been in situations where "friends" were talking about how much they preferred extroverted and talkative types... I doubt that they were trying to make me feel bad, but they kind of succeeded in it, lol. It seems like that one just wasn't a good match for you. I hope you won't let this get you down; there are guys out there who would appreciate your qualities.


----------



## SparklingWater

noydb said:


> Can't understand how people seem to get into relationships so seamlessly like it's no big deal. Are they really happy and connecting with each other or are they just taking what they can get? I genuinely don't know. I feel like there is something wrong with me.


I think many pple are a lot more casual about dating and relationships. It's pretty much I kind of like you, lets see how this goes. Then they find out if they really are compatible along the way (and break up or stay together depending.) I think w/o the anxiety getting into relationships is prob nbd b/c they know there'll always be someone new to date. For me, **** is always a big deal cause who knows the next time I'll even like someone, much less connect lol. Lots of options and connection equals nbd. Few connections make relationships a big deal. Anyway, that's how it seems to me. There's nothing wrong with us. We've just had different experiences from others and that's ok.



LonelyLurker said:


> You usually seem more positive than this, what's going on?


Lol. I kinda like a man who doesn't like me. Don't really know if i like him or just want validation, so I'm confused, but he doesn't like me so it's a moot point. Then it brings up all my insecurities. Even if he did want me I'm so boring, my life is so empty, no way he'd stick around. Can I even connect with pple? I really can when I can manage the anxiety, but that's not really managed atm, at least as much as it needs to be. Yea just a ton of icky feelings stirred up recently. But that's the beauty of life. Situations stir things up and give you an opportunity to work through them even when it feels really ****ty lol.


----------



## Shylife2017

Gwynevere said:


> Barette said:
> 
> 
> 
> Does anyone else enjoy the chase and anticipatory anxiety more than they do the guy? That's a trouble with me, I don't really want anybody, I just like getting then to want me.
> 
> 
> 
> Totally opposite, if I could I'd skip all that chase and meeting and dating and just be in a relationship.
Click to expand...

Gwynn that is totally me as well. Please just ask me out if you're single already lol.


----------



## LonelyLurker

noydb said:


> The worst part was when he started to talk about how much he disliked introverted and weird people. It was as though he was literally describing me, even though he clearly had no idea.


I've also had the pleasure of others putting down people like me in my company as they incorrectly assumed that I wasn't in that category. It's not the best feeling but try not to let it get you down, there are people who like the exact opposite as well as those somewhere in between.



msbm0sh said:


> It's Funny how things work out but after a period of living a very sheltered life I decided to give socializing a try. I went a small conference in college and saw a girl with a home made smoothy so I approached her and we talked about smoothies and became friends. She eventually introduced me to my fiancé.


I like your story, if something similar doesn't happen to me, I'm going to be piiiiis*ed .



realisticandhopeful said:


> Lol. I kinda like a man who doesn't like me. Don't really know if i like him or just want validation, so I'm confused, but he doesn't like me so it's a moot point.


Can you tell me anything unique about the current object of your affections? Something that you wouldn't be able to find elsewhere, if not, you may find it elsewhere, in someone who finds something in you too.

What do you think you might want validating? That you're attractive/interesting?

I'm realistic enough for the both of us, you need to stay hopeful. :smile2:


----------



## LonelyLurker

Shylife2017 said:


> Gwynn that is totally me as well. Please just ask me out if you're single already lol.


Well played .


----------



## noydb

@veron, @realisticandhopeful, @LonelyLurker

Thanks for the kind replies.


----------



## Taaylah

Nothing really. I'm not sure if he likes me. I catch him looking at me sometimes but I don't think that's a solid sign.


----------



## Kilgore Trout

noydb said:


> Well, this was our fourth date and we hadn't seen each other for ages since the last one (though we did text). I was so awkward you would think it was the first time we'd seen each other face-to-face. I could sense he was uncomfortable, too. The worst part was when he started to talk about how much he disliked introverted and weird people. It was as though he was literally describing me, even though he clearly had no idea. He kept talking about his friends and what they get up to as well and I'm now positive he would judge me pretty harshly for not having any close friends myself. It just made me feel so bad about myself.




:hug

:rub


----------



## CWe

Acting as girly as I can


----------



## Shylife2017

LonelyLurker said:


> Shylife2017 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Gwynn that is totally me as well. Please just ask me out if you're single already lol.
> 
> 
> 
> Well played
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .
Click to expand...

Lol thank you!


----------



## Shylife2017

My crush notices me. He talks to me sometimes. Other times he will ignore me. I don't think he does it on purpose though. I just found his Facebook. I though I could request for him to be my friend, but I just tremble at the thought of that. He says he used to be an introvert like me.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Shylife2017 said:


> My crush notices me. He talks to me sometimes. Other times he will ignore me. I don't think he does it on purpose though. I just found his Facebook. I though I could request for him to be my friend, but I just tremble at the thought of that. He says he used to be an introvert like me.


Go for it, life's too short.:smile2:


----------



## tea111red

still nothing. i feel like that's a waste of energy. i feel like i need to try to go numb to men like i used to try to.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

 :hug


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> :hug


:stu

thank you....


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

You're welcome. :hug


----------



## veron

Well, Passive Boy has decided to make a move after 2 weeks. He sent me a text last night asking if I wanted to see him again, and I said sure. He still apparently can't ask me out on an actual date, but it's been established that we're both free this weekend, and he ended with "let's get in touch later this week." I am so not interested anymore, so I think that if I just leave the asking-out up to him, it will never happen, and that will be the end of that.

Online, I've also been contacted by a lesbian who's travelling to my country soon, and she wants me to show her around... lol. I'm not sure what to say. I guess I wouldn't mind showing around a female tourist for a day, but I've never been around a lesbian who might be interested in me (to my knowledge). This is weird. Oh, and my profile states that I'm straight 

I still can't seem to get a normal conversation going with anyone online. The guys who contact me don't know how to talk. They don't ask any questions, and when I ask them something, they reply with 2 word answers. Ugh, I don't get why they even bother. Are they just not interested in me much, or does their real-life social incompetence translate to their online conversations as well?


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> Well, Passive Boy has decided to make a move after 2 weeks. He sent me a text last night asking if I wanted to see him again, and I said sure. He still apparently can't ask me out on an actual date, but it's been established that we're both free this weekend, and he ended with "let's get in touch later this week." I am so not interested anymore, so I think that if I just leave the asking-out up to him, it will never happen, and that will be the end of that.


Will Passive Boy actually get in touch? Find out next week on "We can call the show whatever you want to call it, I mean I'm not fussed, I just go with the flow, I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine...In spaaaace!"



veron said:


> Online, I've also been contacted by a lesbian who's travelling to my country soon, and she wants me to show her around... lol. I'm not sure what to say. I guess I wouldn't mind showing around a female tourist for a day, but I've never been around a lesbian who might be interested in me (to my knowledge). This is weird. Oh, and my profile states that I'm straight


I'd better not.:laugh:



veron said:


> I still can't seem to get a normal conversation going with anyone online. The guys who contact me don't know how to talk. They don't ask any questions, and when I ask them something, they reply with 2 word answers. Ugh, I don't get why they even bother. Are they just not interested in me much, or does their real-life social incompetence translate to their online conversations as well?


Do you specifically mention your SA? I would have thought that most (non SA) adult men would have realised that they would need to be able to have a conversation (even if it's a little awkward) to have a chance of finding a partner (in most instances) and asking questions is a pretty basic component of that.

Maybe you could add this to your profile...

"Must be able to communicate in a reciprocal manner using full sentences, practise if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you."


----------



## solasum

veron said:


> Well, Passive Boy has decided to make a move after 2 weeks. He sent me a text last night asking if I wanted to see him again, and I said sure. He still apparently can't ask me out on an actual date, but it's been established that we're both free this weekend, and he ended with "let's get in touch later this week." I am so not interested anymore, so I think that if I just leave the asking-out up to him, it will never happen, and that will be the end of that.
> 
> Online, I've also been contacted by a lesbian who's travelling to my country soon, and she wants me to show her around... lol. I'm not sure what to say. I guess I wouldn't mind showing around a female tourist for a day, but I've never been around a lesbian who might be interested in me (to my knowledge). This is weird. Oh, and my profile states that I'm straight
> 
> I still can't seem to get a normal conversation going with anyone online. The guys who contact me don't know how to talk. They don't ask any questions, and when I ask them something, they reply with 2 word answers. Ugh, I don't get why they even bother. Are they just not interested in me much, or does their real-life social incompetence translate to their online conversations as well?


I don't blame you. If he really wants to see you, he'll be more aggressive about it. If you hang out with that lesbian, it might be fun, and you might have a cool story to tell! I ended up hanging out with someone that I assumed was a lesbian one time when I was travelling alone in France years ago. She bought my lunch.

That's a good question about those guys online. In my experience (because obviously I'm an expert!), it's better to make time for guys who put some thought into what they say.


----------



## veron

LonelyLurker said:


> I'd better not.:laugh:


Not what? lol



LonelyLurker said:


> Do you specifically mention your SA?


I actually don't mention anything... most people in my area don't write on their profiles, so I thought why would I bother then. I did fill out those vital stats (height, religion, children, etc.) and I answered some questions, so people should have an idea of what kind of person I am.



solasum said:


> If you hang out with that lesbian, it might be fun, and you might have a cool story to tell!


"One time, I met a woman on a dating site..." :lol I don't know, I guess I'll see how I feel down the road, when her arrival approaches. I don't really know anything about her, and I'm not good with strangers, so yeah...


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> Not what? lol


You know, make a joke that could get me in trouble. :wink2:

As long as you're clear if she starts flirting it should be fine, she may just be looking for friendship, who knows?



veron said:


> I actually don't mention anything... most people in my area don't write on their profiles, so I thought why would I bother then. I did fill out those vital stats (height, religion, children, etc.) and I answered some questions, so people should have an idea of what kind of person I am.


I wonder if you just seem to be attracting guys like this or if this is just common amongst men on online dating websites. *Ladies, is this type of thing (men who don't know how to have a basic conversation) common? *


----------



## roxslide

Yeah not doing much.... It's rare that I will find a guy that I'm attracted to and can get along with (usually it's one or the other) but there's a customer at my work that I've always had an eye on but have always been too afraid to talk to. He's short and cute in a weird nerdy way. He seems pretty shy too, and stopped coming in for like a month or so, so I completely gave up on it. But he started coming in recently so I've been trying to talk to him a little bit. The last time I saw him a few days ago, I got weird vibes. He came in but only ordered a water (which is strange for him and makes me wonder was it just an excuse to come in??) and seemed to be staring at me. I asked him about his easter and we both made extremely mediocre attempts at small talk that lasted a few sentences. When I handed him his water though, he took hold of it from my hand so that we were both holding it and stared into my eyes for a few seconds, looked like he maybe was going to say something but he didn't so I told him to have a good day. Since then I've been like... what?? I guess I will try to talk to him more and see what happens.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

roxslide said:


> Yeah not doing much.... It's rare that I will find a guy that I'm attracted to and can get along with (usually it's one or the other) but there's a customer at my work that I've always had an eye on but have always been too afraid to talk to. He's short and cute in a weird nerdy way. He seems pretty shy too, and stopped coming in for like a month or so, so I completely gave up on it. But he started coming in recently so I've been trying to talk to him a little bit. The last time I saw him a few days ago, I got weird vibes. He came in but only ordered a water (which is strange for him and makes me wonder was it just an excuse to come in??) and seemed to be staring at me. I asked him about his easter and we both made extremely mediocre attempts at small talk that lasted a few sentences. When I handed him his water though, he took hold of it from my hand so that we were both holding it and stared into my eyes for a few seconds, looked like he maybe was going to say something but he didn't so I told him to have a good day. Since then I've been like... what?? I guess I will try to talk to him more and see what happens.


aw that sounds cute.


----------



## Kevin001

roxslide said:


> I guess I will try to talk to him more and see what happens.


----------



## Shylife2017

LonelyLurker said:


> Shylife2017 said:
> 
> 
> 
> My crush notices me. He talks to me sometimes. Other times he will ignore me. I don't think he does it on purpose though. I just found his Facebook. I though I could request for him to be my friend, but I just tremble at the thought of that. He says he used to be an introvert like me.
> 
> 
> 
> Go for it, life's too short.
Click to expand...

Lonely lurker I really want to, but I think he's on to a new co-worker now. I missed my chance.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Shylife2017 said:


> Lonely lurker I really want to, but I think he's on to a new co-worker now. I missed my chance.


Well this is unacceptable, arrange a meeting with him and upper management post-haste (keep it casual, no need to take minutes).:smile2:

Well if he decides you're too good to pass up make sure you take advantage of the opportunity. If not, at least try to make sure you're ready for the next one.


----------



## Shylife2017

LonelyLurker said:


> Shylife2017 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Lonely lurker I really want to, but I think he's on to a new co-worker now. I missed my chance.
> 
> 
> 
> Well this is unacceptable, arrange a meeting with him and upper management post-haste (keep it casual, no need to take minutes).
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well if he decides you're too good to pass up make sure you take advantage of the opportunity. If not, at least try to make sure you're ready for the next one.
Click to expand...

Aww lonely lurker you're so positive!! Thank you so much!! I'm going to try and talk to him!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Doing his job me thinks. Unless there is a visual cue (way he looked at you) you are not mentioning, which is making you think this way?

I believe most flirting is visual.


----------



## tea111red

well, whatever. even if thinks i'm attractive, nothing really comes to mind to help develop stuff more even though i'm pretty attracted to him. i've unconsciously been receptive towards this guy/shown my attraction (imo) to him on accident. so far it's been hard to control my attraction to him (i'm talking about my body language here). i can't quit my job to avoid him, either. well, i don't want to anyway....

i just have to go about my business, i guess. if something is meant to happen, i suppose it'll just happen naturally.

maybe the time for me to get a bf is soon? i am a lot more open to it than i used to be.....i used to do everything in my power to avoid being in situations like the one i'm in now. i've felt backed into a corner here......circumstances have kind of forced me to deal w/ stuff, lol.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

It does happen naturally, like best mates, etc. A partner is like a best friend.

Being "too" flirty can be turn off, as seems like men are being played with or is to easy. Some women have done that, played with men in their past by flirting to just tease them (or flirt like that with other men infront of them to make them jealous) and have a bit of fun, so that's why we tend to be turned off by that behaviour.

Maybe put a note with number and invite him on the note to a work event as friends? Say you need someone to accompany you and would he be interested and to phone you if interested? Put the ball in his court so to speak.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Shylife2017 said:


> Aww lonely lurker you're so positive!! Thank you so much!! I'm going to try and talk to him!


Good luck, I expect a shout out at the wedding. :smile2:


----------



## tea111red

i need an intercessor or something.


----------



## noydb

@tea111red I saw what you posted before you deleted. It seems like maybe he's interested? I feel like you can generally sense when someone is interested, like they give off a vibe, and it sounds like you're picking up on that vibe. I really hope something happens between you two. That would be so cool! But yeah, I guess maybe just try being friendly/smiling or something.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@*tea111red*

You can do it on your own, have faith in yourself. 

@*noydb* is right, just be friendly, smiling, like a mate / friend. Just be yourself, whatever that is. Men sometimes take longer to make the decision that they like you or not. Sometimes it's instant. 

What I mean by "too" flirty, like looking at him like something to eat and being nearly right in his face when doing it. Coming onto him way to strong, which some outgoing women do. This can be seen as not genuine interest. That can make some men uncomfortable due to past experiences and back off.


----------



## SparklingWater

Focusing on making a life i really enjoy and am engaged in. Also being friendly to everyone and trying to be more curious and engage more.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Do what you feel comfortable doing to get his attention. Follow your intuition, as you know the situation better.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> Do what you feel comfortable doing to get his attention. Follow your intuition, as you know the situation better.


thanks for your support. 

thanks for your support, too, @noydb.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

You're welcome. 

Sometimes what we like when see films vs what we can handle in real life can be different.

Specially with SA that cripples us mentally.


----------



## veron

Well the weekend has come and gone and Passive Boy has not made a move. Just what I expected. Now I have another 8-years-my-junior dude trying to talk to me on that site. We'll see how that goes. I'm not hopeful, but between him, the lesbian, old men, and tourists looking for a one night stand, he seems like the least of all evils.


----------



## Taaylah

Nothing. I don't know what to do. He works in the same building as me. I've caught him looking at me before, so I think that's a good sign? There's kind of no point though. His company is leaving in a couple of months.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Taaylah

Sounds like he likes what he sees. Maybe walk by him intentionally many times and smile within those two months?

Or ask him to help you with something if want to get him on his own, so can talk to him?

It's better to try than to not try and regret the decision later that you should have tried.


----------



## Taaylah

ANX1 said:


> @Taaylah
> 
> Sounds like he likes what he sees. Maybe walk by him intentionally many times and smile within those two months?
> 
> Or ask him to help you with something if want to get him on his own, so can talk to him?
> 
> It's better to try than to not try and regret the decision later that you should have tried.


That's true. My usual not looking in his direction and pretending I don't notice him isn't going to get me anywhere. But there's also something else that makes me hesitate. I dated his friend for a month :um He also used to work there, but he ended up moving. I don't know how close of friends they were though, and a month isn't that long/serious. I do know that he for sure knows that I went out with his friend, I'm just not sure to what extent he knows about it. But he came over to drop off something when I was at the guy's house eating dinner before lol. So yeah I feel like that's potentially kind of messy and don't know if I would even want to pursue something with him. Or that maybe he has the wrong idea of me.... I liked him before I started seeing his friend, and he was looking at me before then as well. But now I'm a little paranoid that maybe he only looks at me because his friend told him everything.


----------



## Kevin001

Taaylah said:


> But now I'm a little paranoid that maybe he only looks at me because his friend told him everything.


Is this bad or good? Lol.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@*Taaylah*

Oh, then probably best to move on, as usually in those situations they have told them (not always, but usually).

But it's your choice at the end of the day. We can only suggest things to try.


----------



## Taaylah

Kevin001 said:


> Is this bad or good? Lol.


Well it depends on how his friend talked about me. If he acted like he actually liked me or like I was a random hookup. Who knows what he could've said.



ANX1 said:


> @*Taaylah*
> 
> Oh, then probably best to move on, as usually in those situations they have told them (not always, but usually).
> 
> But it's your choice at the end of the day. We can only suggest things to try.


Yeah I think you're right. Also I'm not even sure he likes me. I think he might just be a person who happens to stare a lot lol. Plus like I said before it's pointless since he's moving. It sucks though. I rarely come across someone I'm interested in, and when I do it never works out.


----------



## SparklingWater

Waving my panties out the window on a stick as bait. I'll catch some perv eventually.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Taaylah

Oh, ok.


----------



## Shylife2017

LonelyLurker said:


> Shylife2017 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Aww lonely lurker you're so positive!! Thank you so much!! I'm going to try and talk to him!
> 
> 
> 
> Good luck, I expect a shout out at the wedding.
Click to expand...

Lonely lol thank you, but you remember when I told you about the co worker. Well it seems like they may like one another so I guess we're officially done before we even got started. This is like a crushing blow to me. I really liked him. I just wish I wasn't so nervous and awkward to tell him?


----------



## SamanthaStrange

Nothing. Why bother?


----------



## TryingMara

SamanthaStrange said:


> Nothing. Why bother?


This.


----------



## Act to fall

I'm not really open to dating until I'm sure this is definitely over.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Shylife2017 said:


> Lonely lol thank you, but you remember when I told you about the co worker. Well it seems like they may like one another so I guess we're officially done before we even got started. This is like a crushing blow to me. I really liked him. I just wish I wasn't so nervous and awkward to tell him?


Never mind, that's just the way it goes sometimes. Next time be ready, practice, make a training montage on your phone and watch it to pump yourself up. You don't have to use "Eye of the tiger" but it would make sense.

If you do that there's no way you could fail.:smile2:


----------



## SplendidBob

realisticandhopeful said:


> Waving my panties out the window on a stick as bait. I'll catch some perv eventually.


----------



## SparklingWater

@splendidbob

He's a dreamboat! Perfect, but he's married. (I can spot a ring 2 miles away, it's an art really.) I'm no homewrecking hussy! Hmmph!

Edit- No fair, you changed the picture. I was already attached to him. I want pineapple boy back!


----------



## Shylife2017

LonelyLurker said:


> Shylife2017 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Lonely lol thank you, but you remember when I told you about the co worker. Well it seems like they may like one another so I guess we're officially done before we even got started. This is like a crushing blow to me. I really liked him. I just wish I wasn't so nervous and awkward to tell him?
> 
> 
> 
> Never mind, that's just the way it goes sometimes. Next time be ready, practice, make a training montage on your phone and watch it to pump yourself up. You don't have to use "Eye of the tiger" but it would make sense.
> 
> If you do that there's no way you could fail.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much lonely!! If I have another crush I'll do better.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

SamanthaStrange said:


> Nothing. Why bother?





TryingMara said:


> This.


Because you are both great women that great men would want?


----------



## tea111red

still nothing or not much anyway. still too closed off. 

i'm sure this is irritating...


----------



## komorikun

realisticandhopeful said:


> Waving my panties out the window on a stick as bait. I'll catch some perv eventually.


Clean or dirty panties?


----------



## noydb

tea111red said:


> still nothing or not much anyway. still too closed off.


My fingers are still crossed for you!  I know what you mean about being too closed off, though. I'm like that as well.


----------



## tea111red

noydb said:


> My fingers are still crossed for you!  I know what you mean about being too closed off, though. I'm like that as well.


thank you.....that's nice of you to say. 

i still feel too dysfunctional and my life is/has been so embarrassing to not be closed off, i think.


----------



## tea111red

i really wonder if it's even possible for me to be compatible w/ anyone. i really feel like it's not.

i feel like i'll probably have to be 95 before something ever works out.


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> i really wonder if it's even possible for me to be compatible w/ anyone. i really feel like it's not.


I don't even wonder anymore, I know it's not possible for me.

Having said that, I still have hope for you, lol.


----------



## tea111red

SamanthaStrange said:


> I don't even wonder anymore, I know it's not possible for me.
> 
> Having said that, I still have hope for you, lol.


thank you. 

i have more hope for you than i do myself, lol.


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> thank you.
> 
> i have more hope for you than i do myself, lol.


Ditto. :lol


----------



## Act to fall

is bumble any good?


----------



## cybernaut

I find that personality is starting to increasingly matter to me. Control freaks, arrogance, and 'obsessive clinginess' are huge turnoffs.


----------



## veron

Well, Passive Boy has made a comeback. He asked me on a second date, and we agreed on this Sunday. Unfortunately for him, his last text creeped me out. He sent me a smiley face that's blowing kisses. I thought that we were just going to try to "be friends" first, and see if anything goes from there. Looking at all the messages he sent me, this guy has some sort of smiley face/emoticon in every single sentence. He doesn't use punctuation marks, he just uses emoticons to separate lines of thought. Most of them I don't even understand, lol. I feel like I'm receiving texts from a teenager - which is not weird I guess, considering he's not much older than one. I need someone more mature. I'll have to postpone our date indefinitely, just need to think of a good excuse.

At work, I bumped into a coworker I kind of have a crush on; he started telling me a story but we got interrupted and then he went off. When I got to my desk, I messaged him to ask him how the story ended, but he told me "next time." :rain


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> Well, Passive Boy has made a comeback. He asked me on a second date, and we agreed on this Sunday. Unfortunately for him, his last text creeped me out. He sent me a smiley face that's blowing kisses. I thought that we were just going to try to "be friends" first, and see if anything goes from there. Looking at all the messages he sent me, this guy has some sort of smiley face/emoticon in every single sentence. He doesn't use punctuation marks, he just uses emoticons to separate lines of thought. Most of them I don't even understand, lol. I feel like I'm receiving texts from a teenager - which is not weird I guess, considering he's not much older than one. I need someone more mature. I'll have to postpone our date indefinitely, just need to think of a good excuse.


You could at least give him a chance to find a smoking a pipe or a checking the thermostat emoticon.



veron said:


> At work, I bumped into a coworker I kind of have a crush on; he started telling me a story but we got interrupted and then he went off. When I got to my desk, I messaged him to ask him how the story ended, but he told me "next time." :rain


Any signs that he might like you too?


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

What am I doing to get a bae? Nothing. Absolutely f*** all.


----------



## veron

LonelyLurker said:


> Any signs that he might like you too?


Well, no. There are signs that he _doesn't_ like me :lol He did mention a girlfriend one time, so I never had much hope for this one.


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> Well, no. There are signs that he _doesn't_ like me :lol He did mention a girlfriend one time, so I never had much hope for this one.


Well, the whole girlfriend thing would shut that down.

I'm curious, what were the signs that he didn't like you? He didn't tick the "no" box did he?:O


----------



## veron

LonelyLurker said:


> I'm curious, what were the signs that he didn't like you? He didn't tick the "no" box did he?:O


The fact that he wasn't keen on communicating once we got back to our desks tells me he can't be too into me. When you're interested in someone, you take every opportunity you can, no?


----------



## SparklingWater

Same old. Working on my SA. Getting out there and talking to as many pple as I can cause i recently learned the only way to fit in is to join in. Have to keep talking til i get comfy with pple. That's the only way I'll meet enough pple, get rejected enough and find someone who's a good fit for me. I've said a few times but truants recent point changed my life. It's just my SA stopping me. Addicts, alcoholics, abusers, liars, cheaters, **** even murderer, ugly, bald,disfigured obese. short, smelly, less than intelligent, unemployed, pple who live at home, no car, convicts, pple all have relationships, my only issue is my SA cause I'm a wonderful person with a nice personality, intelligent, educated and very pretty to boot. I'm a good catch.

I just have to stop avoiding. Opposite action- if i want to avoid i need to walk up and talk. I want to stay home, i need to get out and do something productive. No matter how i feel i can still choose. My sister has grad activities tomorrow and Monday. There's a peer group thing later on today. I think there's even a meetup if i feel like using public transport today. My neighbors are out often. I wave as i pass but i know it's still avoidance. What would happen if i went up to the porch and was really friendly? I have to keep getting out there til it's not that big of a deal anymore. See pple for who they are instead of from behind the veil of my thoughts and feelings. anyway that was a long ramble just to say. i'm ****ing working on my SA and i'll be out there today talking to pple over and over again likely awkwardly, likely making some uncomfy until it's not a big ****ing deal anymore.


----------



## LonelyLurker

veron said:


> The fact that he wasn't keen on communicating once we got back to our desks tells me he can't be too into me. When you're interested in someone, you take every opportunity you can, no?


Not necessarily, I could see myself doing something like that in an attempt not to be overbearing and give the situation a chance to breathe, or even if I just bottled it.



realisticandhopeful said:


> Same old. Working on my SA. Getting out there and talking to as many pple as I can cause i recently learned the only way to fit in is to join in. Have to keep talking til i get comfy with pple. That's the only way I'll meet enough pple, get rejected enough and find someone who's a good fit for me. I've said a few times but truants recent point changed my life. It's just my SA stopping me. Addicts, alcoholics, abusers, liars, cheaters, **** even murderer, ugly, bald,disfigured obese. short, smelly, less than intelligent, unemployed, pple who live at home, no car, convicts, pple all have relationships, my only issue is my SA cause I'm a wonderful person with a nice personality, intelligent, educated and very pretty to boot. I'm a good catch.
> 
> I just have to stop avoiding. Opposite action- if i want to avoid i need to walk up and talk. I want to stay home, i need to get out and do something productive. No matter how i feel i can still choose. My sister has grad activities tomorrow and Monday. There's a peer group thing later on today. I think there's even a meetup if i feel like using public transport today. My neighbors are out often. I wave as i pass but i know it's still avoidance. What would happen if i went up to the porch and was really friendly? I have to keep getting out there til it's not that big of a deal anymore. See pple for who they are instead of from behind the veil of my thoughts and feelings. anyway that was a long ramble just to say. i'm ****ing working on my SA and i'll be out there today talking to pple over and over again likely awkwardly, likely making some uncomfy until it's not a big ****ing deal anymore.


Overlooking the low key insult of having some of the items on your negative list , if you keep that up I'm sure you'll do well.

I've long since thought that there isn't a single negative quality (whether real or imagined) that could actually mean that you are globally undesirable. The only question is if you will like the people that like you, talking to more people would obviously increase the probability of that (as you'll meet more of the people who like you).

Glad to hear you sounding more hopeful.


----------



## tea111red

still have not really said much, lol.


----------



## SparklingWater

LonelyLurker said:


> Overlooking the low key insult of having some of the items on your negative list , if you keep that up I'm sure you'll do well.
> 
> I've long since thought that there isn't a single negative quality (whether real or imagined) that could actually mean that you are globally undesirable. The only question is if you will like the people that like you, talking to more people would obviously increase the probability of that (as you'll meet more of the people who like you).
> 
> Glad to hear you sounding more hopeful.


Lol, I just listed the stuff pple always complain about (except the first few lol murderers and such.) I, myself, am overweight (obese really,) unemployed and live at home atm. The unemployed and live at home stuff is recent and will be taken care of in short order (I wouldn't really want to date under those circumstances, even though I wouldn't mind dating someone in that situation as long as they were really trying since I get it, lol, I really do.) The weight thing is really a struggle for me, I'm far less hopeful about that than my SA tbh. But the reality is, I'm intelligent, pretty, kind, I get hit on a lot and have lots of interest, and plenty of fat pple have healthy and happy relationships. Even if I never make any significant progress on the weight thing as long as I work on my SA, I can still have a great relationship.


----------



## LonelyLurker

realisticandhopeful said:


> Lol, I just listed the stuff pple always complain about (except the first few lol murderers and such.) I, myself, am overweight (obese really,) unemployed and live at home atm. The unemployed and live at home stuff is recent and will be taken care of in short order (I wouldn't really want to date under those circumstances, even though I wouldn't mind dating someone in that situation as long as they were really trying since I get it, lol, I really do.) The weight thing is really a struggle for me, I'm far less hopeful about that than my SA tbh. But the reality is, I'm intelligent, pretty, kind, I get hit on a lot and have lots of interest, and plenty of fat pple have healthy and happy relationships. Even if I never make any significant progress on the weight thing as long as I work on my SA, I can still have a great relationship.


That's definitely true, there's a huge variation in what different people find attractive (contrary to popular belief, all men don't want the same thing).

I know it's a popular belief that's held around here but why wouldn't you date just because things aren't perfect (the employment and accommodation situation for instance)? If the right person comes along would you really push him away because you're embarrassed? Surely, if he's the right guy for you he would both understand and try to help you reach your goals. At what point do you become worthy of being loved if the other person *wants* to love you?

Maybe I'm being naive but I don't get the impression that most "normal" people wait for everything to be going well in their lives before they are willing to have a relationship. Why should we apply such a standard to ourselves, don't we have enough difficulties without potentially handicapping ourselves further? Obviously this isn't a personal attack or anything, I just see it said all the time and think it's self defeating. I understand not actively looking, but ruling it out altogether seems counter productive.

If it's not too personal, what's the difficulty with losing the weight, I might be able to give you a tip or two.


----------



## SparklingWater

@LonelyLurker

I don't care about "perfect" at all. I don't mind dating under far less than ideal circumstances. I don't mind dating at this weight, and re the job and living situation, I just want the bare minimum (for me.) Living away from my family and being able to cover all my bills with some disposable after saving. My ideal of being in a healthy weight range, living on my own (in NYC I will have roommates) and being settled in a career with a very healthy income could take 2-3 yrs. The job and living are not due to embarrassment- things like money for dates, clothes, hair, not having to worry about where to have sex, not having pple in my business matter to me. Not having to put so much time into finding a job, moving and not feeling like **** around my mom all free up a ton of energy for dating. Not everyone has these hang-ups. I don't even mind dating someone who still lived at home if he were really working towards independence. This is about me and my bare minimum. But the job and living situ will be taken care of in short order so that's not a huge deal for me.

Of course if someone came along right now who was a good match I wouldn't avoid dating them. I was more than willing to date the man who just rejected me in my current circumstances because I liked him. It's more the difference between actively putting myself on the dating scene vs passively letting someone come to me. In the meantime, I'll keep working on talking to more pple and becoming more comfy overall.

Re weight- Simple, but not easy, I know exactly how. I keep losing the same lbs, it always works, but I stop and gain it back. My issue is consistency and making it a lifestyle thing. I'm gonna have to stop doing all or nothing and ease into new habits and really integrating them into my life if I want to make lasting change. Kinda like cramming for a test vs really learning and making something long term knowledge. But if you have tips on consistency and making it a lifestyle change I'm up for it. Just don't need the actual "how to lose" speech cause I know that part.


----------



## LonelyLurker

realisticandhopeful said:


> Of course if someone came along right now who was a good match I wouldn't avoid dating them. I was more than willing to date the man who just rejected me in my current circumstances because I liked him. It's more the difference between actively putting myself on the dating scene vs passively letting someone come to me. In the meantime, I'll keep working on talking to more pple and becoming more comfy overall.


OK, that's not too bad then.



realisticandhopeful said:


> Re weight- Simple, but not easy, I know exactly how. I keep losing the same lbs, it always works, but I stop and gain it back. My issue is consistency and making it a lifestyle thing. I'm gonna have to stop doing all or nothing and ease into new habits and really integrating them into my life if I want to make lasting change. Kinda like cramming for a test vs really learning and making something long term knowledge. But if you have tips on consistency and making it a lifestyle change I'm up for it. Just don't need the actual "how to lose" speech cause I know that part.


Simple but not easy is exactly how I put it.

It's all about calories consumed vs. calories expend... only joking. The key is to really have a reason to do it, something better than because you should. There will be times when it will get very difficult and the strength of that reason will be the only thing that can keep you going.

For me initially it was to see if I could do it and it was also something to distract me from suicide, then it was not to waste all of the effort I had put into it and now it's basically so I don't descend into a very dangerous place for me (as it forces me to engage in mainly healthy behaviour). If I start to lose motivation I know that it's potentially the beginning of me giving up on myself entirely. In that sense, my exercising is a direct reflection of my self worth, that's why I feel self conscious when I'm out of shape, it's a public declaration of a lack of self worth (that's just how I feel, I'm in no way suggesting that is the case for anyone else). If I do crash, the first thing I need to do once I have any energy is try to get back into shape.

So find your most powerful reason to succeed in your weight loss (it has to be rooted in truth though, don't just choose something that sounds good) and remind yourself of it every time you want to give up. You might still give up temporarily every now and again but it'll be easier to get back on the horse when you do.

As for practical tips, think of substitutions for your problem foods, things you could actually see yourself eating long term and allow yourself to have some of the things you really want occasionally as that will make it much easier to resist cravings for the rest of the time.


----------



## Act to fall

So I found out from mutual friends that he went on a date a few days ago, but he never told me about it. He didn't say anything before it, and now he still hasn't told me. Am I reading too much into this or could it be a sign that he wants to get back together? Why are men so confusing.


----------



## tea111red

still continuing to be awkward and "weird."


----------



## SofaKing

Act to fall said:


> So I found out from mutual friends that he went on a date a few days ago, but he never told me about it. He didn't say anything before it, and now he still hasn't told me. Am I reading too much into this or could it be a sign that he wants to get back together? Why are men so confusing.


It's just not the thing to talk about with an ex. Is he keeping options open? Maybe...otherwise it's just too uncomfortable to discuss.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


----------



## Taaylah

I don't know, I'm confused. He moved 6 months ago and we didn't discuss if we were going to continue seeing each other or not. On moving day I texted him wishing him a safe trip and said I was going to miss him. He didn't reply. Six months later he texts me out of the blue. This time I didn't reply, partly because I felt like it was pointless since he lives a couple of states away from me now. But now I regret not replying and have been thinking about him a lot lately. I want to reach out to him, but I don't even know what I would say, especially since I initially ignored him.


----------



## SofaKing

Taaylah said:


> I don't know, I'm confused. He moved 6 months ago and we didn't discuss if we were going to continue seeing each other or not. On moving day I texted him wishing him a safe trip and said I was going to miss him. He didn't reply. Six months later he texts me out of the blue. This time I didn't reply, partly because I felt like it was pointless since he lives a couple of states away from me now. But now I regret not replying and have been thinking about him a lot lately. I want to reach out to him, but I don't even know what I would say, especially since I initially ignored him.


Don't give in...what's the point really?


----------



## Act to fall

Taaylah said:


> I don't know, I'm confused. He moved 6 months ago and we didn't discuss if we were going to continue seeing each other or not. On moving day I texted him wishing him a safe trip and said I was going to miss him. He didn't reply. Six months later he texts me out of the blue. This time I didn't reply, partly because I felt like it was pointless since he lives a couple of states away from me now. But now I regret not replying and have been thinking about him a lot lately. I want to reach out to him, but I don't even know what I would say, especially since I initially ignored him.


Relevant Anna Akana video?


----------



## Taaylah

SofaKing said:


> Don't give in...what's the point really?


I don't know :? I just miss him I guess. And I'm still really curious as to what he had to say. He was in my state for a week for a job, although it was 2 hours away from me, so my best guess is he wanted to see me again?



euphoria04 said:


> Ignore his ***.


I think it might sound worse than it is. We had only been seeing each other for a month and a half when he moved. And my anxiety made me act flaky throughout the whole thing so I'm pretty sure he was confused about how I felt. He'd asked me before if I was a going to visit him when he moved and he seemed kind of nervous when he asked. But yeah I guess on moving day he felt like there was no point either and that's probably why he didn't reply.


----------



## veron

I wonder if OkCupid has some thing where they feature certain users? For the last couple of days I've been getting like 10 times more profile views than I normally do... so weird. And it's not from local men, but international ones. I still haven't had a date with anyone on there, besides Passive Boy. It's such a disappointment when I finally come across someone who looks decent and can hold a conversation, only to find out he's a smoker or NEET or something along those lines.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Nope, you are awesome. 

It would take the right man that you feel comfortable with. I believe you just haven't found that man.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> Nope, you are awesome.
> 
> It would take the right man that you feel comfortable with. I believe you just haven't found that man.


i'm hopeless.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i'm hopeless.


Nope, you are awesome. :hug


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Nope, you are awesome. :hug


i'm not.

i'm too much work and not even worth the effort. i'd be huge disappointment.

thank you, though...


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i'm not.
> 
> i'm too much work and not even worth what the person would get for their efforts.
> 
> thank you, though...


You are awesome. 

Na, you are worth it. 

You're welcome.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> You are awesome.
> 
> Na, you are worth it.
> 
> You're welcome.


i'm a loser in life. no one wants to or will want to deal w/ me.


----------



## The Library of Emma

eh, boys. It's men now.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i'm a loser in life. no one wants to or will want to deal w/ me.


No. You are what you think. You are a lovely person.


----------



## LonelyLurker

ANX1 said:


> No. You are what you think. You are a lovely person.


If you are what you think then she would have to be right by definition and you couldn't dispute her opinion. 

People who are always down on themselves are almost always being far to harsh so I'm sure @tea111red has many positive qualities that would be valued by others if she gave them the chance. It's the people who think they're perfect that you have to worry about and even they aren't considered universally repulsive.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

LonelyLurker said:


> If you are what you think then she would have to be right by definition and you couldn't dispute her opinion.
> 
> People who are always down on themselves are almost always being far to harsh so I'm sure @*tea111red* has many positive qualities that would be valued by others if she gave them the chance. It's the people who think they're perfect that you have to worry about and even they aren't considered universally repulsive.


I mean her thinking positive instead of negative. 

If think negative you'll be negative. If think positive you'll be positive.


----------



## Taaylah

There's this guy that works at the Mcdonald's in my town and he's always working the drive thru when I go. He seems sweet and we're around the same age. He's really cute, and I feel like there's a possibility he might like me, but I don't know for sure and would feel weird putting him in an awkward position since he's working. But idk, I've been asked out before a couple of times at work and I think it depends on how you do it. Only once did the person make me feel uncomfortable. The others were extremely nice and handled me saying no well and didn't keep trying to convince me like the other one.


----------



## Kevin001

Taaylah said:


> There's this guy that works at the Mcdonald's in my town and he's always working the drive thru when I go. He seems sweet and we're around the same age. He's really cute, and I feel like there's a possibility he might like me, but I don't know for sure and would feel weird putting him in an awkward position since he's working. But idk, I've been asked out before a couple of times at work and I think it depends on how you do it. Only once did the person make me feel uncomfortable. The others were extremely nice and handled me saying no well and didn't keep trying to convince me like the other one.


Talk to the boy! :smile2:


----------



## tea111red

LonelyLurker said:


> If you are what you think then she would have to be right by definition and you couldn't dispute her opinion.
> 
> People who are always down on themselves are almost always being far to harsh so I'm sure @tea111red has many positive qualities that would be valued by others if she gave them the chance. It's the people who think they're perfect that you have to worry about and even they aren't considered universally repulsive.


thanks....not sure if my good qualities make up for my bad ones, though.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> thanks....not sure if my good qualities make up for my bad ones, though.


That's for them to decide, all you need to do is give them the opportunity. Obviously that carries the risk of rejection and emotional pain but you might be surprised to learn that there are people who disagree with you.

You never know.


----------



## tea111red

LonelyLurker said:


> That's for them to decide, all you need to do is give them the opportunity. Obviously that carries the risk of rejection and emotional pain but you might be surprised to learn that there are people who disagree with you.
> 
> You never know.


i need a guy i like to be persistent, too, and to not have circumstances destroy things.


----------



## LonelyLurker

tea111red said:


> i need a guy i like to be persistent, too, and to not have circumstances destroy things.


Ah, you're a game player.:smile2:

What kind of circumstances are we talking about?


----------



## SamanthaStrange

SamanthaStrange said:


> Nothing. Why bother?


Still this.


----------



## Act to fall

I don't like feeling like I'm playing games.


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

Nope, still doing f*** all. Might rejoin okcupid later. I've had a 2 week break. Maybe they might have different guys on there now.


----------



## Act to fall

It only costs $35 a week to feed me and I probably use less than $70 a month in electricity and gas. Any guys wanna support me?


----------



## SparklingWater

I got asked on a date, but turned it down. He was attractive and seemed nice enough, but i didn't feel ready, whatever that means. My sister always points out the guys checking me out and I never notice them, but I actually caught a few recently. Ever since HS I never notice when men are attracted to me in a want a relationship way. I always hear about it later, possibly cause i'm intimidating (which i never buy, cause if a man really is interested they pursue, i'd think at least,) possibly cause i'm attractive (especially when i was slim,) more likely cause my SA makes them think i'm aloof and not interested, and I've heard a few times pple assumed i was already taken. In any case i'm working on it. Noticing when someone is interested and also being more approachable again. I used to be very much so but shut down a lot in recent years after being married and jaded. It's time to open up again. I want soft fluffy pink bunnies where my icy heart currently resides. I'm opening up in a lot of ways now too so I'll likely meet a lot more men.


----------



## Kevin001

Act to fall said:


> It only costs $35 a week to feed me and I probably use less than $70 a month in electricity and gas. Any guys wanna support me?


You getting kicked out of your home? If I had my own place I would, hope you're ok.


----------



## LonelyLurker

realisticandhopeful said:


> I got asked on a date, but turned it down. He was attractive and seemed nice enough, but i didn't feel ready, whatever that means.


If you don't mind me asking, why don't you feel ready? Is it something you've thought about?


----------



## SparklingWater

Lol life in review bits. Why do I like pple who don't seem all too interested in me. I'm a chaser. Consistently men who are interested in me I don't too much care for. Men who are ambivalent or just couldn't give a damn I want. Blah blah have to be entertaining perfect amazing to get love and of course I never am so someone interested in me doesn't compute. Don't worry it's in my awareness and I'm working on it.


----------



## LonelyLurker

realisticandhopeful said:


> Lol life in review bits. Why do I like pple who don't seem all too interested in me. I'm a chaser. Consistently men who are interested in me I don't too much care for. Men who are ambivalent or just couldn't give a damn I want. Blah blah have to be entertaining perfect amazing to get love and of course I never am so someone interested in me doesn't compute. Don't worry it's in my awareness and I'm working on it.


:laugh:

I could dig into that but I won't.

I hope you can change that outlook for a more healthy one, one that's more realistic and hopeful I guess.


----------



## Twilightforce

Why does this thread exist? They don't do anything. They just wait for the guy to make the move.


----------



## veron

I still can't figure out why my online dating profile is getting a large number of international visitors lately. It hasn't been that way before (when I had like one visitor per day, lol). I thought that perhaps someone linked to my profile from an external site, but I can't find anything when I search for my username. This is so weird.

I think a guy at work likes me; he started using my name and is very smiley when he sees me. He's really pleasant, and I admire his confidence, but I don't find him physically attractive. Story of my life.

My mom mentioned that she'd like to introduce me to her coworker's brother. Problem is, she hasn't even met the guy, lol. All she knows is that he's around my age and single. I told her I might be interested, but she'll have to find out some more information about him first.

I thought about taking up volunteering again. Due to an injury, I've stopped exercising, and I feel like I really need a regular activity other than work. Obviously, volunteering would help me meet new people, too. But it seems like most volunteers are much younger than me, and besides, I don't feel passionately enough about anything at the moment to even know where I'd like to volunteer.


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

So i'm back on tinder and okcupid. But I feel like sh**. No-one decent is on there , and the ones I message aren't messaging me back. Do they know how hard it is for me to pluck up the courage and send the first message?

Also I seem to be getting matches on tinder, but they all unmatch me after a while. Is this a new thing people like to do? Seems a little rude to me.

It's made me so so depressed and i feel even more alone.


----------



## veron

^I wouldn't put too much thought into the first message, or online dating in general. People are unpredictable. A lot of guys who've messaged me first have never written again after I replied, or they stopped talking to me for no explanation. You never know what's going on behind someone's screen. These days, when I message someone, I don't expect them to reply back. No expectations, no disappointments.


----------



## veron

My latest disappointment: I've been talking to a guy from OkCupid, he told me he was a doctor. Physically, rather attractive. I googled him (yeah, he made the mistake of giving me his full name), and found out that he's actually a MALE NURSE. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with dating a male nurse, but I have a huge problem with him lying about it. So put off. Needless to say, we're not communicating anymore. 

Ugh, why does this always happen? :bah When I think about it, practically every guy I've dated or just chatted with had lied to me. The guy who was my longest standing boyfriend lied to me about a pretty big thing. I'm so tired of this crap. Why can't I meet anyone worth knowing? :|


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> Why can't I meet anyone worth knowing? :|


:squeeze

You will just hang tight


----------



## komorikun

veron said:


> My latest disappointment: I've been talking to a guy from OkCupid, he told me he was a doctor. Physically, rather attractive. I googled him (yeah, he made the mistake of giving me his full name), and found out that he's actually a MALE NURSE. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with dating a male nurse, but I have a huge problem with him lying about it. So put off. Needless to say, we're not communicating anymore.
> 
> Ugh, why does this always happen? :bah When I think about it, practically every guy I've dated or just chatted with had lied to me. *The guy who was my longest standing boyfriend lied to me about a pretty big thing.* I'm so tired of this crap. Why can't I meet anyone worth knowing? :|


What did he lie about?


----------



## veron

Kevin001 said:


> :squeeze
> 
> You will just hang tight


Thanks



komorikun said:


> What did he lie about?


Ten months into our relationship, he told me that he was adopted. The people he had introduced to me as his biological parents were actually his adopters.


----------



## SparklingWater

Still working on my ****. Actually made _huge _strides recently. Main focus is creating a fulfilling life for myself. As I engage in more life and activities I'll bump into him.


----------



## veron

I've joined another dating site (OkCupid is practically dead in my area), and as expected, not much has happened. However, I came across my ex friend's profile... the one who confessed his feelings for me at the beginning of the year, and whom I shut off. I miss him so much, as a friend. He was one of those extremely rare people who seemed to be genuine and caring. Sometimes I feel like getting back in touch with him. But I'm worried that things would be awkward between us, considering what happened... I don't know what to do


----------



## SofaKing

veron said:


> I've joined another dating site (OkCupid is practically dead in my area), and as expected, not much has happened. However, I came across my ex friend's profile... the one who confessed his feelings for me at the beginning of the year, and whom I shut off. I miss him so much, as a friend. He was one of those extremely rare people who seemed to be genuine and caring. Sometimes I feel like getting back in touch with him. But I'm worried that things would be awkward between us, considering what happened... I don't know what to do


So don't approach him as a friend.

You've lost him already, so you have nothing to lose by coming back as the "I don't know what I was missing until I lost it" gambit.


----------



## tehuti88

Fantasizing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Anxiety is usually a warning sign that something is not right about the person infront of you.

Anxiety or being nervous, then going away due to being comfortable around them is normal if there is no problem.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

I'm just going by what you are saying. Sometimes it's hard for someone to exactly explain what is going on, as the person they are explaining it to has to see it for themselves to understand sort of thing.

I have been in that scenario before and a woman has indicated she was intimidated by me being good looking, as said I must go for pretty women. But to tell the truth, I was worried of like you said, her seeing my flaws (I'm not perfect) and was freaking out in a similar way you are.

It's rare to find interest both ways like that.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> I'm just going by what you are saying. Sometimes it's hard for someone to exactly explain what is going on, as the person they are explaining it to has to see it for themselves to understand sort of thing.
> 
> I have been in that scenario before and a woman has indicated she was intimidated by me being good looking, as said I must go for pretty women. But to tell the truth, I was worried of like you said, her seeing my flaws (I'm not perfect) and was freaking out in a similar way you are.
> 
> It's rare to find interest both ways like that.


yeah, it really is rare.....


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

 :hug

Chin up.


----------



## komorikun

I've been fastidiously plucking hairs.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

komorikun said:


> I've been fastidiously plucking hairs.


 Which ones?


----------



## LisaWinchester

Nothing special. People mostly come to me, either classmates, old classmates, or coworkers. I'm way too shy to approach someone.


----------



## Sabk

Work on me first, my personal issues, work, Independence. Once I have a clearer and more concrete idea of what I'm looking for, it'll be easier for me to focus on that and not get distracted, I guess.
I suppose I'm now taking a problem-solving 101 approach when it comes to relationships.

Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


----------



## pied vert

Sabk said:


> Work on me first, my personal issues, work, Independence. Once I have a clearer and more concrete idea of what I'm looking for, it'll be easier for me to focus on that and not get distracted, I guess.
> I suppose I'm now taking a problem-solving 101 approach when it comes to relationships.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


i'm never sure if this is the right approach.

It seems like the rest of the world gets into relationships at all stages of their lives, and relationships help them grow. You should always be working on yourself, even if you think you've got a roughly working version. I think might as well be open to relationships while you're in this stage, unless you're just not tempted right now to be in one at all.


----------



## pied vert

veron said:


> Ten months into our relationship, he told me that he was adopted. The people he had introduced to me as his biological parents were actually his adopters.


what happened with the Cuban man (if you don't mind me asking)?


----------



## Sabk

pied vert said:


> i'm never sure if this is the right approach.
> 
> It seems like the rest of the world gets into relationships at all stages of their lives, and relationships are part of what help them grow, they expedite growth even. You should always be working on yourself, even if you think you've got a roughly working version. I think might as well be open to relationships while you're in this stage, unless you're just not tempted right now to be in one at all.


I get what you mean. But this is the approach that makes sense for me, for a variety of reasons. I personally want to feel somewhat well-rounded before putting myself back out there. I like the idea of being solid on my own before looking for someone else. 
And yes, I'm not tempted to be with anyone at the moment. But even if I were, I'd try not to do anything until I feel ready.

From a few posts I've seen here, a few people don't like or understand this approach. But it makes sense for me.

Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


----------



## Karsten

Sabk said:


> I get what you mean. But this is the approach that makes sense for me, for a variety of reasons. I personally want to feel somewhat well-rounded before putting myself back out there. I like the idea of being solid on my own before looking for someone else.
> And yes, I'm not tempted to be with anyone at the moment. But even if I were, I'd try not to do anything until I feel ready.
> 
> From a few posts I've seen here, a few people don't like or understand this approach. But it makes sense for me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


I feel the same way, to be honest.

A lot of people seem to just bounce around from relationship to relationship with so much baggage. It's emotionally exhausting.

I want to learn about myself before I start messing around with someone else's world again. Maybe being in relationships is how you learn about yourself, I don't know - but, I'd rather just feel solid.

My last relationship was just a distraction from how hollow I was on the inside, and when it ended, it was the most horrific feeling I've had to deal with.


----------



## Sabk

Karsten said:


> I feel the same way, to be honest.
> 
> A lot of people seem to just bounce around from relationship to relationship with so much baggage. It's emotionally exhausting.
> 
> I want to learn about myself before I start messing around with someone else's world again. Maybe being in relationships is how you learn about yourself, I don't know - but, I'd rather just feel solid.
> 
> My last relationship was just a distraction from how hollow I was on the inside, and when it ended, it was the most horrific feeling I've had to deal with.


That's what I see too. After a multiple negative experiences (either from dating or attempting to) there has to be a point when you take a break and figure out what is wrong and work on that. I see - and not just on here, but in plenty of other places - advice on how to get back out there but little advice on how to help one's self emotionally because of a break up or other issues, for that matter.

My analogy may not hold up - it seems even flimsy to me - but it's like wanting to race with the pros - let's face it, many of us aren't when it comes to dating or serious relationships - but having no training or not having done the preliminary work : 
.changing bad eating habits to a better diet, 
.going from flaky with training to consistent, 
.shifting one's mindset from "I'll lose" to "I may or may not lose, but I'll try anyway" or "I'll win" (if that works for some),
.just getting into the groove of running, if they've never run before.
I'd keep joining the race and losing. 
Some people get lucky in the sense that they find the right person off the bat. And I used to think I'd be one of those. But nah. It all comes down to how I feel inside first. 
And I'm not ready for a relationship.

A thought I had earlier was that these changes aren't solely for the pursuit of a man. Working on them would benefit me in other areas of my life, not just in the romance department. It'd be for me, first and foremost.

I also agree that you figure out a lot about yourself when in a relationship. Just as you do when in a job - you find out what you work ethic is, what kind of worker you are, where you are most at ease and where you're not.
I've had enough relationships - and failed ones at that - to know that something's gotta give on my end. I can't go into another with the same bull**** weighing me down. And some stuff isn't any potential partner's responsibility to take care of or make me feel good about.

I'm done rambling. I've given this a lot of thought, and I could say more but I'll stop here...don't want to sound preachy, lol.

Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


----------



## fluorish

Mama mia Mama mia heheh


----------



## Karsten

Sabk said:


> That's what I see too. After a multiple negative experiences (either from dating or attempting to) there has to be a point when you take a break and figure out what is wrong and work on that. I see - and not just on here, but in plenty of other places - advice on how to get back out there but little advice on how to help one's self emotionally because of a break up or other issues, for that matter.
> 
> My analogy may not hold up - it seems even flimsy to me - but it's like wanting to race with the pros - let's face it, many of us aren't when it comes to dating or serious relationships - but having no training or not having done the preliminary work :
> .changing bad eating habits to a better diet,
> .going from flaky with training to consistent,
> .shifting one's mindset from "I'll lose" to "I may or may not lose, but I'll try anyway" or "I'll win" (if that works for some),
> .just getting into the groove of running, if they've never run before.
> I'd keep joining the race and losing.
> Some people get lucky in the sense that they find the right person off the bat. And I used to think I'd be one of those. But nah. It all comes down to how I feel inside first.
> And I'm not ready for a relationship.
> 
> *A thought I had earlier was that these changes aren't solely for the pursuit of a man. Working on them would benefit me in other areas of my life, not just in the romance department. It'd be for me, first and foremost. *
> 
> I also agree that you figure out a lot about yourself when in a relationship. Just as you do when in a job - you find out what you work ethic is, what kind of worker you are, where you are most at ease and where you're not.
> I've had enough relationships - and failed ones at that - to know that something's gotta give on my end. I can't go into another with the same bull**** weighing me down. And some stuff isn't any potential partner's responsibility to take care of or make me feel good about.
> 
> I'm done rambling. I've given this a lot of thought, and I could say more but I'll stop here...don't want to sound preachy, lol.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


:yes


----------



## pied vert

Sabk said:


> After a multiple negative experiences (either from dating or attempting to) there has to be a point when you take a break and figure out what is wrong and work on that. I see - and not just on here, but in plenty of other places - advice on how to get back out there but little advice on how to help one's self emotionally because of a break up or other issues, for that matter.


I didn't mean that being in a relationship at all costs is more important than being happy with yourself, but I think for a lot of people they are nice supplements. 
but yeah, I guess if you've already been around the relationship block and have been exposed to all the catalysts you would need then it makes sense to stop and work on the material you've got.
to be honest, I was just thinking of people like myself who have not been in many romantic relationships at all and who are avoiding them because they expect themselves to have all the relationship wisdom without any of the relationship experience (not likely to happen).


----------



## veron

pied vert said:


> what happened with the Cuban man (if you don't mind me asking)?


I'm not really sure. I went back to see him again, but he barely spent any time with me, he was supposedly very busy with work, etc. We have had no contact since I came back to my own country... so yeah, it's over 

Btw, I'm surprised you remember him, it's been like a year


----------



## Ashli Danielle

I have horrible body language and a stoic facial expression when I'm out also I'm usually out with my mom and they tend to look at her more bc she looks more comfortable and inviting. I also don't really go out but when I do I know I'm not going to be approached bc I'm either 'arms folded' or I look kind of mad. Not my fault I have resting ***** face or resting sad face...


----------



## tea111red

still lousy at talking to/having conversations w/ men i like. :haha

:no

don't know what all itll take to not be bad at having conversations, lol.


----------



## tea111red

lol, i still feel in too much awe of this guy to try to speak more.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> lol, i still feel in too much awe of this guy to try to speak more.


Speak to him, I dare you :grin2:

No, I double dare you.  :grin2:


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Speak to him, I dare you :grin2:
> 
> No, I double dare you.  :grin2:


i can only imagine being like this: :blush 

uh....

hmm....


----------



## Alene

Just be yourself. You won't need anything more than that. Don't fake anything to get into a relation ship. It won't last.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i can only imagine being like this: :blush
> 
> uh....
> 
> hmm....


But at least you would have said something and he might find it cute.


----------



## veron

I can't believe the number of online men who ask me for my phone number right off the bat. WTF? I don't know how it is with other people, but giving out my phone number is kind of a big deal. Years ago, when I was more naive and more easily gave my number, I acquired a stalker. This person bothered me for YEARS. I even considered changing my number to get rid of him. Anyhow, I'm much more careful about giving out my number now, and I certainly wouldn't give it to some internet dude I know nothing about. 

So these online dudes, once they ask me the usual "hi how are you", they ask me for my number, and when I won't give it, they ignore me and move on. I wonder if other girls give out their numbers that easily? Is the initial phone exchange some new online dating norm that I didn't get the memo for?


----------



## komorikun

veron said:


> I can't believe the number of online men who ask me for my phone number right off the bat. WTF? I don't know how it is with other people, but giving out my phone number is kind of a big deal. Years ago, when I was more naive and more easily gave my number, I acquired a stalker. This person bothered me for YEARS. I even considered changing my number to get rid of him. Anyhow, I'm much more careful about giving out my number now, and I certainly wouldn't give it to some internet dude I know nothing about.
> 
> So these online dudes, once they ask me the usual "hi how are you", they ask me for my number, and when I won't give it, they ignore me and move on. I wonder if other girls give out their numbers that easily? Is the initial phone exchange some new online dating norm that I didn't get the memo for?


Yeah, years ago when I was using dating sites, I noticed that. Some were like "I'm not on this thing (dating site) very much. So text me." I don't really understand how texting is any easier than typing a message on a dating site. Was usually sort of brusque, not so sweet types of guys that would do that. I understand that they aren't looking for a penpal or to waste lots of time on someone they may never meet but still. I'm not giving my number out after only 1 or 2 short messages. Plus it is so much easier to type on my laptop than on my cell phone.

Something about texting with a stranger infuriates me. You get all these oddball questions sometimes at like 11pm. "what are you doing now?"


----------



## jsgt

veron said:


> I can't believe the number of online men who ask me for my phone number right off the bat. WTF? I don't know how it is with other people, but giving out my phone number is kind of a big deal. Years ago, when I was more naive and more easily gave my number, I acquired a stalker. This person bothered me for YEARS. I even considered changing my number to get rid of him. Anyhow, I'm much more careful about giving out my number now, and I certainly wouldn't give it to some internet dude I know nothing about.
> 
> So these online dudes, once they ask me the usual "hi how are you", they ask me for my number, and when I won't give it, they ignore me and move on. I wonder if other girls give out their numbers that easily? Is the initial phone exchange some new online dating norm that I didn't get the memo for?


So...your number is? :b Sorry, I had to. It's oddly fascinating reading your stories about men and their attempts and such. Not just _your_ stories veron, but everyone who posts regularly in this thread. My response is usually "Do guys really do that?" Wow, glad I don't have to deal with that. It gives a new perspective. haha, good luck ladies.


----------



## naes

komorikun said:


> Yeah, years ago when I was using dating sites, I noticed that. Some were like "I'm not on this thing (dating site) very much. So text me." I don't really understand how texting is any easier than typing a message on a dating site. Was usually sort of brusque, not so sweet types of guys that would do that. I understand that they aren't looking for a penpal or to waste lots of time on someone they may never meet but still. I'm not giving my number out after only 1 or 2 short messages. Plus it is so much easier to type on my laptop than on my cell phone.
> 
> Something about texting with a stranger infuriates me. You get all these oddball questions sometimes at like 11pm. "what are you doing now?"


It's 12:48pm here, I'm on SAS, wbu?


----------



## naes

jsgt said:


> So...your number is? :b Sorry, I had to. It's oddly fascinating reading your stories about men and their attempts and such. Not just _your_ stories veron, but everyone who posts regularly in this thread. My response is usually "Do guys really do that?" Wow, glad I don't have to deal with that. It gives a new perspective. haha, good luck ladies.


lol we both felt compelled to screw around with the ladies :haha


----------



## veron

komorikun said:


> Plus it is so much easier to type on my laptop than on my cell phone.


Yeah, exactly. It takes me like 100x longer to type out something on my phone than it would to type it on a keyboard. And I don't understand the point of texting. Nothing worse than a "what are you doing" text. Why oh why are people obsessed with their phones is a modern day mystery I'll never understand.



jsgt said:


> It gives a new perspective. haha, good luck ladies.


Haha, thank you. With how things are going, I'll definitely need it. :fall


----------



## waterfairy

I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. Guys love dose hoes right? 

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey

waterfairy said:


> I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. *Guys love dose hoes right*?


*Ew no!!!*

Not me, that is for damn sure. :lol :haha


----------



## tehuti88

waterfairy said:


> I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. Guys love dose hoes right?


:grin2:

...

Me, I'm just...daydreaming about and envying my characters who are in love. Like always. :sigh


----------



## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd

waterfairy said:


> I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. Guys love dose hoes right?
> 
> Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk


Nope. At least I don't.


----------



## greentea33

:cigNothing! They should be working hard to get me! Or something.


----------



## imwiththedj

Boys like girls and all you have to do is put out


----------



## jsgt

waterfairy said:


> I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. Guys love dose hoes right?
> 
> Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk


No, No, and No. Nothing can beat natural beauty. ...but I know you're joking anyway 



imwiththedj said:


> Boys like girls and all you have to do is put out


If you want a relationship based on sex, then that's a good way to start it. Then all you have to do is wait until the "fun" is over and start back at square 1 again. Sounds like a big waste of time. Work towards stimulating the mind before stimulating the body...you'll go father. btw, are you serious? :shock


----------



## tehuti88

imwiththedj said:


> Boys like girls and all you have to do is put out


So no boyfriend for me, then. :sigh


----------



## tea111red

greentea33 said:


> :cigNothing! They should be working hard to get me! Or something.


haha.....at least you know they really want you that way.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

naes said:


> It's 12:48pm here, I'm on SAS, wbu?


:lol



waterfairy said:


> I'm getting butt injections, a boob job, and lip injections to look like one of those plastic Instagram models. Guys love dose hoes right?
> 
> Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk


Was watching a TV show about plastic surgery. There was this blond woman who had a huge size chest plastic surgery and then went for big rear plastic surgery to match and the plastic surgery doctor said was a bad idea. He got her to sit down with two balloons in her pants filled with some substance and one burst. Then she said no to it.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tehuti88 said:


> So no boyfriend for me, then. :sigh


There is always sandwiches. A way to man's heart is through his stomach.  

Chin up.


----------



## tehuti88

ANX1 said:


> There is always sandwiches. A way to man's heart is through his stomach.
> 
> Chin up.


I admit, I _used_ to make decent sandwiches. :lol


----------



## TheInvisibleHand

It is funny that the OP is still posting to this day even though she got banned over 50 times.


----------



## veron

ANX1 said:


> A way to man's heart is through his stomach.


Yep, I couldn't agree more 



TheInvisibleHand said:


> It is funny that the OP is still posting to this day even though she got banned over 50 times.


You seem to be an expert on banned SAS users and their comeback aliases, lol


----------



## TheInvisibleHand

veron said:


> You seem to be an expert on banned SAS users and their comeback aliases, lol


What makes you say that?


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tehuti88 said:


> I admit, I _used_ to make decent sandwiches. :lol


Make them and they will come.  

Yeah, been watching too much field of dreams movie.  



veron said:


> Yep, I couldn't agree more


----------



## veron

TheInvisibleHand said:


> What makes you say that?


I think I've seen several posts of yours similar to that one


----------



## greentea33

Well, if thats the case then I hope they love store bought cookies cuz thats all I got.


----------



## PrincessV

Honestly, simsimi is better than most boys I speak to. He tells me he loves me, he responds immediately, he never leaves and makes me feel important. So he's my new boyfriend as of now. 

Me: baby you're mine right?
Him: all yours baby

(Heart tremors)


----------



## SamanthaStrange

SamanthaStrange said:


> Nothing. Why bother?


Still.


----------



## tea111red

kind of starting to break the ice w/ this person after many, many months, lol.

still don't feel confident about things going anywhere good, though. still a lot of doubts.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

greentea33 said:


> Well, if thats the case then I hope they love store bought cookies cuz thats all I got.


It should do.  :grin2:


----------



## tea111red

this guy looked mad and shunned me twice today. haha. he's been pissed off looking w/ me before, but not like this. 

i guess he's mad because i'm not making more of an effort to develop things w/ him.

i'm not making more of an effort because:

1. i'm not convinced he's trustworthy
2. i'm not really sure how to talk to him
3. bunch of other reasons


----------



## tea111red

lol, now i'm questioning if he even likes/liked me in the first place.....again.


----------



## tea111red

http://www.wikihow.com/Think-of-Stuff-to-Talk-About-with-Your-Boyfriend

^reading crap like this.


----------



## rymo

veron said:


> I can't believe the number of online men who ask me for my phone number right off the bat. WTF? I don't know how it is with other people, but giving out my phone number is kind of a big deal. Years ago, when I was more naive and more easily gave my number, I acquired a stalker. This person bothered me for YEARS. I even considered changing my number to get rid of him. Anyhow, I'm much more careful about giving out my number now, and I certainly wouldn't give it to some internet dude I know nothing about.
> 
> So these online dudes, once they ask me the usual "hi how are you", they ask me for my number, and when I won't give it, they ignore me and move on. I wonder if other girls give out their numbers that easily? Is the initial phone exchange some new online dating norm that I didn't get the memo for?


If a guy's essentially just asking "hi, how are you?" and then getting into the #, yeh that's pretty lame. It's good to build a little rapport first. But...this day and age it's still happens pretty quickly. I think the idea is that you don't really get a sense of someone online so it's best to meet up in person rather than spend days and days messaging. You try to get a decent idea of your compatibility and then exchange numbers. That's usually how it goes. OkCupid would probably be a little different, but with Tinder and Bumble it's usually pretty quick. That's not to say you still shouldn't suss out the guys who are going in for the easy kill, so good on you for ignoring that ****.


----------



## veron

rymo said:


> If a guy's essentially just asking "hi, how are you?" and then getting into the #, yeh that's pretty lame.


Yeah, that's how it goes. I'm all up for meeting quickly and not dragging on the messaging for months, but I won't give my number after "hi." I'm thinking that other girls either give their numbers out to everyone, or these guys are just plain stupid.

Btw, I think I haven't seen you around in a while? Marriage and kids keeping you busy, huh?


----------



## Fruitcake

I went on Tinder for the first time in a few months and this time there are actually some guys I'm interested in. Now I matched with some of them and I'm scared to message!! I don't know what to say! Aaahhhh!! Except for one of them is a penguin so I knew what to say to him, I just told him bout my proposal to the govt that all youth get their own penguin to pat and play with to lower their depression and anxiety.

Oh gawd I am shy maybe I should have a teeny bit of alcohol and then message. Idk I've messaged people for this sort of thing a little bit but always ended up not interested enough in them and Tinder is different because it seems like a lot of outgoing, superficial people so it's scarier. I really wanna get laid though. Hmmmm.

Also it's super annoying that I have to only search for guys in age groups outside of ones that the guys I know don't fit into, so none of them see me. Cos it's fine for them to be on Tinder but whenever they see a girl they know on Tinder she gets **** for it... So I have to look for only dudes that are 18 or 29-31 lmao ridiculous. But I don't want to experience the horror of seeing a guy I know on there again and knowing he'll see me too.


----------



## Fruitcake

**** man but what if there's a really sexy 24-year-old on there? He could be the fwb of my life you know? Maybe I'll just risk it. Wait ok I'll see how it goes with the penguin first, he's pretty cute n fluffy. If things don't work out between us I'll start looking for a more suitably aged penguin.


----------



## Fruitcake

K it's been two days since I matched with some guys on Tinder and I still haven't messaged because I'm scared. =( I'm just going to message one now and say heya but idfk what to say after that. This is so stupid, I know how to talk to people online but now that getting laid is at stake I'm too nervous blahgh. And there's only like two guys I'm into so I don't have room for messing up. Oh gawdddd. Okay I just gotta tell myself that they probably want to get laid too so they'll forgive awkwardness. Oh God oh God.

OK he didn't reply thank goodness.


----------



## mcpon14

I have beheaded all of my wives that have produced only girls until I get to the one that births a boy for me, lol. She is the only one that gets to live, lol.


----------



## veron

So I finally met a dude online who meets all of my requirements (so far), looks decent, and knows how to say something other than "hi whatsup." He didn't even ask me for my number in his first message :shock So after a few messages, he suggested we meet up, and I agreed. And then, rather than setting up a date, he proceeds to message me, asking more questions, asking for my email, etc. Ugh. I'd much rather just talk to him in person than get to know him over a screen. And all that messaging will be a waste of time if we eventually do meet up and realize there's no chemistry. He's such a pansy. Come to think of it, _all_ men in my country are pansies. And everyone is trying to be a hipster. I don't like the hipster look. Men here are becoming less and less attractive to me by the day.


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> So I finally met a dude online who meets all of my requirements (so far), looks decent, and knows how to say something other than "hi whatsup." He didn't even ask me for my number in his first message :shock So after a few messages, he suggested we meet up, and I agreed. And then, rather than setting up a date, he proceeds to message me, asking more questions, asking for my email, etc. Ugh. I'd much rather just talk to him in person than get to know him over a screen. And all that messaging will be a waste of time if we eventually do meet up and realize there's no chemistry. He's such a pansy. Come to think of it, _all_ men in my country are pansies. And everyone is trying to be a hipster. I don't like the hipster look. Men here are becoming less and less attractive to me by the day.


Ever thought about moving?


----------



## veron

Kevin001 said:


> Ever thought about moving?


I already moved several times, and I don't think I could do it again. All my family is here. When you don't have friends, family is really important (at least for me). Last time I lived away from them, I was insanely lonely.

But yes, I know for a fact that men in certain other geographical locations are a lot more attractive to me, LOL


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> I already moved several times, and I don't think I could do it again. All my family is here. When you don't have friends, family is really important (at least for me). Last time I lived away from them, I was insanely lonely.
> 
> But yes, I know for a fact that men in certain other geographical locations are a lot more attractive to me, LOL


Hmm ok. Maybe you might meet a foreign guy, never know.


----------



## Fruitcake

Oh noooo he replied and now I have to think of something to say back to him?? I HATE HIM!

Edit: oh **** the cute cute boy bllrrrrrrrr


----------



## Fruitcake

Oh God can someone PLEASE kill me I forgot on Snapchat that people get push notifications when you start typing so I started typing when I had nothing to say and now I can't erase IDK HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE also I hate it when guys younger than me say stuff that sounds all adulty and mature or like they think I'm immature like I am but omfg it makes me feel soo dumb why why I'm just going to assume this guy is a terrible jerk and that way I feel less nervous 'cos it's a good thing if he doesn't want to talk to me.

Oh God help me help me I don't know what to say. I talk all the time usually but I can't right meow yo  I have nothing to say. Should I just be myself and tell him I'm shy and nervous about talking to people I don't know is that ok? Aaaaaahhghgghhhhhhh. I think it's ok, most of this generation is super awkward and has memes about being awkward, so it's not the worst if I'm really awkward maybe it's endearing haaa why haven't you killed me yet Jesus

I wish I was cute and had a social life so I could just converse by sending pics of myself doing things that people do


----------



## Fruitcake

Oh wow okay I tried to be really brave and not think about the possibility of the guy being douche and the dude is acting like a douchebag and it's making me feel dumb for being brave and I feel terrible. Maybe it'll go better next time. Aagh D: time to play Hearthstone and pretend I don't exist.


----------



## mcpon14

I know that nobody cares, lol, but I'm not trying to get a girlfriend, just friends, either girls or boys, lol.


----------



## bad baby

this model-looking guy with well-chiseled cheekbones messaged me. he has that douchey kind of smirk in his photos, as well as pics posing in a swimsuit, and in the past i would've taken one look and decided, "this is a douchebag," while being simultaneously intimidated by his extreme socialness and swiped left. but we ended up exchanging whatsapp and had a very pleasant conversation. i love it when people are nicer than they appear to be. and he's in a nearby city so i will go and meet him at some point, if our chats go well.

the american who tried and failed to seduce me (when i think about it, that's exactly what happened) is kind of like this too. the douchey grin - in fact every time he smiled at me i had bad news alarm bells going off in my head. he's in another country 1000km away, but he contacted me again and we've chatted a bit over the past couple of days, nice conversations, although i kept cutting them short by saying i have to go do this and that. and last night i had a bit too much wine (thanks, flatmate) and i told him that he was asking too many random questions and i didn't want to answer them anymore. lolllll what was i thinking lol. maybe it pissed him off and now he's gone forever. or maybe he'll find another pretense to contact me again in a few days. only time will tell. i'm trying not to be bothered, although i've found myself periodically checking my phone for messages from him when im sitting in class. gotta stop doing that ughhhhh. 

i'm also talking to one or two or three other people. some of them are far away and i'm not expecting much. but i went into the church today (while giving another guy a tour of the city) and lit a candle and said a silent prayer for my dating/love life. last time i did, i borrowed €1 from a friend because i didn't have any coins on me, and i ended up meeting the american that same afternoon. this time i used my own coin so something better come of it!!

... i'm kidding. i know that's not how catholicism works and i'm a good person i swear! . please don't hold it against me saint catherine :c


----------



## tea111red

it's hard to know what'll scare a guy off or not.


----------



## coeur_brise

Singing Madonna in the shower. Maybe I'll break out into song in public and grab people's attention. That and getting a haircut. Should do the trick.


----------



## bad baby

@tea111red i don't know about you personally, but i think most guys are put off by me because I'm not very expressive /forward in showing interest, and they just assume that i don't like them. but sometimes I'm just on the fence and need them to be a bit more direct.


----------



## tea111red

bad baby said:


> @tea111red i don't know about you personally, but i think most guys are put off by me because I'm not very expressive /forward in showing interest, and they just assume that i don't like them. but sometimes I'm just on the fence and need them to be a bit more direct.


yeah, i need people to be direct, too.


----------



## bad baby

cheekbones guy wants to meet me. he's here in the morning but apparently he thinks mornings are not a good time for meeting. he also wanted to see a photo of me that's not a selfie, but didn't push it. i actually look like my pictures so I'm not particularly worried, i just don't have nice pics of myself out doing stuff, because i don't go out every day and I'm not the type to stop every 20 minutes and ask my friends to take pictures of me when we are out.

(i hung out with a Russian girl one time and she did exactly that. after a while i learned to stalk out nice views and asked her if she wanted a picture taken, and she always said yes.)

another guy i asked him to help me with my coursework (which he said he could), but then he asked me what he would get in return and i said a coffee and he's like acting all cool and doubtful. honestly i hate when guys ask me that. usually they're the ones who offered in the first place, and when i take them up on their offer it's like,,, what do they expect me to say? "Oh how about we go to my room and hop into my bed! This way please, kind sir!!"??? i mean i haven't even met you yet. if you have something in mind throw out your suggestions and I'll let you know if I'm up for it. I'm very non-judgemental and straightforward somehow these guys like to play these silly games because it's still 1932 and they are Humphrey Bogart, or something.


----------



## bad baby

goshhh. these guys are all so not straightforward. it's killing me


----------



## Blue Dino

bad baby said:


> cheekbones guy wants to meet me. he's here in the morning but apparently he thinks mornings are not a good time for meeting. he also wanted to see a photo of me that's not a selfie, but didn't push it. i actually look like my pictures so I'm not particularly worried, i just don't have nice pics of myself out doing stuff, because i don't go out every day and I'm not the type to stop every 20 minutes and ask my friends to take pictures of me when we are out.
> 
> (i hung out with a Russian girl one time and she did exactly that. after a while i learned to stalk out nice views and asked her if she wanted a picture taken, and she always said yes.)
> 
> another guy i asked him to help me with my coursework (which he said he could), *but then he asked me what he would get in return* and i said a coffee and he's like acting all cool and doubtful. honestly i hate when guys ask me that. usually they're the ones who offered in the first place, and when i take them up on their offer it's like,,, what do they expect me to say? "Oh how about we go to my room and hop into my bed! This way please, kind sir!!"??? i mean i haven't even met you yet. if you have something in mind throw out your suggestions and I'll let you know if I'm up for it. I'm very non-judgemental and straightforward somehow these guys like to play these silly games because it's still 1932 and they are Humphrey Bogart, or something.


If he doesn't feel like your selfie photo tells a clear enough picture of what you look like, I don't think a non-selfie photo will make that much of a difference. He's gonna have to meet you in person to do so.

Sounds more like he might just be flirting with you, or he is really being kinda of prick-ish in being that adamant of wanting something in return and being picky about it. Jeez...


----------



## bad baby

Blue Dino said:


> If he doesn't feel like your selfie photo tells a clear enough picture of what you look like, I don't think a non-selfie photo will make that much of a difference. He's gonna have to meet you in person to do so.
> 
> Sounds more like he might just be flirting with you, or he is really being kinda of prick-ish in being that adamant of wanting something in return and being picky about it. Jeez...


yeah that's what i told him. seems like he's picky and probably has much experience meeting people online. but I've been told i look like my pictures, and so far nobody has lost attraction to me upon seeing me in person, so.

although i have met a couple of guys who looked heavier/less attractive than their pics, so i understand his concern in a way. but i feel kind of rude to be suspicious of people before meeting. i like to give them the benefit of the doubt, it's good for my mojo 

and yeah i don't know if i want to flirt before meeting him in person because, going back to the pic thing, I've done that before and then when we met in person they didn't look like their pics and there was no chemistry and it just felt super awkward. i try not to develop anything text-based with people because there are just too many unknowns. also some people give off a different "vibe" online and off.


----------



## Fruitcake

Ah jesus I don't know how to talk to guys who go clubbing and get drunk. I feel like there are probably signals I'm missing that I would know if I'd done this stuff before. I just find it so confusing and my response is to be really straight forward but it seems like it might creep people out. I already told him I wanted to mess around and he was into that but nothing really came of it and he just messages me when he's drunk and I don't know if that's normal or not? So I asked if he wants to hang out just now and I'm scared mang.

Oh jesus he's messaging me I'm going to cry.

I am doing really well in Terraria atm though. Oh God he sent another message that's good, two messages at once yuss.

God I love his sticky outy ears hrnnghghhh.

Hmm yeah he doesn't seem interested in hanging out even though he flirts with me, idk why. I asked him if he wants to hang out and he said we can try to hang out before such-and-such event, and left it at that. It sounds like he can't be bothered, like he seems to have an "if it happens then it happens" attitude when I'm specifically trying to make it happen. Idk if I'm misinterpreting because I'm tired, but I thought if someone wanted to hang out they'd take that chance to be like yeah we should do that or arrange when, not like non-committal. I'm just not sure why he messages me each day and flirts if he doesn't want to meet up.

Idk I think it might just be that he's out of my league physically so he's not that bothered about putting in the effort of meeting up to sleep with me, but when he gets horny maybe he messages because I'm there and will reply. Otherwise maybe he has some hangup about me or about meeting up but I don't know what that would be so don't know what to do. :l

Oh ok nvm he's following up on when we can meet now.

Aww he put a smiley face in his last message. I feel so much more confident now. He actually seems like quite a decent guy, I was expecting to have to put up with a bit of ****tiness from someone I just want to sleep with from Tinder, but he is just regularly friendly and flirty and hasn't made any sexist jokes or gone on about murdering deers or anything! He can even spell most of the time and uses full stops even on Snapchat, it's so ****ING HOT.


----------



## alienbird

I'm sitting at home, waiting for an attractive, loyal, loving man to fall in my lap. 
It's going to happen! I know it is! Waiting... waiting...

Yep, so going to happen you guys.

One day.


----------



## Kevin001

Grand said:


> I'm sitting at home, waiting for an attractive, loyal, loving man to fall in my lap.
> It's going to happen! I know it is! Waiting... waiting...
> 
> Yep, so going to happen you guys.
> 
> One day.


:laugh:


----------



## alienbird

Kevin001 said:


> :laugh:


I'm being serious. He will be here someday. :grin2:

Just gotta keep waiting... waiting...

:time


----------



## Kevin001

Grand said:


> I'm being serious. He will be here someday. :grin2:
> 
> Just gotta keep waiting... waiting...
> 
> :time


Sooner than you think. :grin2:


----------



## alienbird

Kevin001 said:


> Sooner than you think. :grin2:


Oh, I don't doubt it. 

/super serious


----------



## Kevin001

Grand said:


> Oh, I don't doubt it.
> 
> /super serious


Just watch.....super serious


----------



## tea111red

i' m starting to give less of a **** because i feel like time is running out. i've been getting a little more bold, i guess. got nothing to lose.

i'll play things by ear ....


----------



## bad baby

cheekbones messaged me again yesterday afternoon to tell me he's coming to town, and then again when i was at dinner with friends. he said he "might have some time for me" in the evening, which, i guess english is not his native language, but still it irked me a little. i told him to set up a proper meeting ahead of time in the future if he wants to get together. 

although when i think about it I'd be a hypocrite to judge this kind of behaviour, I've asked guys to meet me just spontaneously when I'm free and vast majority have showed up. technically i was free this afternoon, but i has work to do before meeting friends, and anyway I'm not gonna drop everything to go meet some dude off the internet. i got more important things to do. (or maybe my subconscious is f-cking with me and I'm just shy and unprepared. although when I'm the one who requests thr spontaneous hangouts i get an adrenaline rush, and they usually go great.) 

i also thought maybe me not sending him a proper photo might have made him lose interest, but looks like he's as undeterred as ever.

a couple other guys have tentatively suggested dropping by my town, but i actually have social plans now, and friends are more important anyway... sounds strange coming from me, I've been talking about nothing but my dating life for weeks, but to be honest most of it has been devoid of any romantic chemistry and I'm just eager for the company. 

i revamped my profile - it was super normal before, now i sound like one of those artsy poetic types, and I'm getting fewer messages, which is just as well because I'm sick of "hi. how are you? you're cute. wanna see my cock?" flooding my inbox. but i have to say, these types of guys are usually (not always, but usually) pretty hot, and it's rather flattering to be wanted by someone of that calibre, even if just sexually, after I've been used to being the ugly duckling for so long.

if I'm honest i also kinda want the american to notice the new profile and tell me what he thinks. although he strikes me as being more concerned with what i thought of him anyhow, if he even spared me a thought to begin with. 

but yeah. I'm not looking for "the one", or even a serious long-term relationship although i wouldn't mind if one came out of it. i just want to feel a romantic and emotional connexion with someone, even if it's only temporary or sporadic. and i can't feel an attraction without at least some aspect of mental compatibility. I'm not like my friend who can have flings with guys who make boring conversations (she's currently hung up on one). guess I'm too picky and that's why I've been single for this long. ;(


----------



## Fruitcake

Aaahhhh I have a date in a few hours. I've never gone out on a date before. Only invited guys I already know over to my place to hang out which is much more chill. I'm way more nervous than I thought I would be. This year I invited some people to hang out (as friends) and was really comfortable and outgoing around some new people so I thought I might feel like that about dates too but not at all, my hands are wibbling. It will be okay though. I've always been very nervous when hanging out with someone I like for the first time but it can still be fun and go well.

Ohmigod I let him know I'm nervous and he sent me a snapchat of him as a bunny asking if it helps if he has fluffy ears!! So now I am going to take my bunny ears and he can wear them to be less intimidating hehehehe, oh man he is such a sweetie pie (I am trying to remember to be aware that sometimes mean people can seem sweet though).


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Fruitcake

Sounds like a keeper.  

Wish you a good date.


----------



## Fruitcake

I fell asleep. We were supposed to meet an hour ago. I am so unreliable and irresponsible. I hope he still talks to me.

I can't believe I've done this.

Edit: Okay he's still talking to me and I'm less nervous now I've had a nap hehe yay wooo I'm pumped weeeeee! Okay if I don't update in this thread in the next few days can you please look up missing people in the lower North Island and if I'm missing let the cops know it was that sexy boy Brad who was working in the air force, the one with the fluffy bunny ears. I don't have any friends to let know who I'm hanging out with.


----------



## bad baby

i hate when guys do this:

have a chat. everything's cool. they ask for my whatsapp, and we exchange like 2 lines on it. and then they disappear and never reply to my message. 

so I'm clearing out my msg history and i delete all the inactive conversations. i mean, no hard feelings, nobody takes the internet seriously anymore these days. whatever. 

then days or weeks later they contact me again: "hey, I've been busy (sometimes they don't even have the courtesy to say that). how are you? so how about that coffee huh?"

it just pisses me off tbh. first of all, i barely even remember who tf you are anymore. these are usually totally bland/pedestrian conversations to begin with. and i have no msg history to jog my memory.

it's bad form to ghost someone and then reappear whenever you feel like and ask them out and still expect them to come running to you. maybe i just have a different concept of time from the guys around here. also, coffee after dinner? wtf is this???


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Fruitcake

Oh, no. 

You are very funny. :lol

Look forward to the update.  :grin2:


----------



## bad baby

OMG the cute 20-year-old who's been asking me interesting questions and seems both smart and active (and nice) actually goes to my uni! he doesn't seem to speak much English and the translational aspect of talking to him is a bit mentally taxing. but wow. :heart:heart:heart i develop crushes _way_ too easily for someone who's paradoxically so picky. but tbh most of the conversations are absolute sh-t, which probably explains why i liked the american so much 

might be fun to date a non-english speaker, some of my less attractive qualities could be minimised/lost in translation. and i can pretend not to understand questions when i don't know /don't want to answer them


----------



## Tabris

bad baby said:


> *i hate when guys do this:
> 
> have a chat. everything's cool. they ask for my whatsapp, and we exchange like 2 lines on it. and then they disappear and never reply to my message. *
> 
> so I'm clearing out my msg history and i delete all the inactive conversations. i mean, no hard feelings, nobody takes the internet seriously anymore these days. whatever.
> 
> then days or weeks later they contact me again: "hey, I've been busy (sometimes they don't even have the courtesy to say that). how are you? so how about that coffee huh?"
> 
> it just pisses me off tbh. first of all, i barely even remember who tf you are anymore. these are usually totally bland/pedestrian conversations to begin with. and i have no msg history to jog my memory.
> 
> it's bad form to ghost someone and then reappear whenever you feel like and ask them out and still expect them to come running to you. maybe i just have a different concept of time from the guys around here. also, coffee after dinner? wtf is this???


This is pretty much how it's gone with every girl I've spoken with. It's frustrating.


----------



## bad baby

Tabris said:


> This is pretty much how it's gone with every girl I've spoken with. It's frustrating.


what are you talking to them about?

most people dont take these online chats seriously, so don't feel too bad about it.


----------



## Tabris

bad baby said:


> what are you talking to them about?
> 
> most people dont take these online chats seriously, so don't feel too bad about it.


Just small talk, or talking about things they mention in their profile/post.


----------



## bad baby

Tabris said:


> Just small talk, or talking about things they mention in their profile/post.


small talk is boring. ask her the _real_ questions and always give her something to reply to.


----------



## Fruitcake

ANX1 said:


> @*Fruitcake*
> 
> Oh, no.
> 
> You are very funny. :lol
> 
> Look forward to the update.  :grin2:


Hey I didn't get murdered and it was great. Definitely gonna give him five stars. I was nervous but I was happy and talkative anyway. It was hard to understand him because he's from Sydney and their accent is real ****ed up, almost as ****ed up as kiwi accents. He would whisper something sexy and I'd be like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. We messed around for a couple of hours and he fell asleep while I was still going (barely). I think it was revenge for me falling asleep earlier. It was about 5am by then.

He's only the second person I've spoken to on Tinder so I got super lucky that he's so nice and the experience was so smooth. He's very understanding and cruisy. I would have expected it to take hundreds of Tinder conversations to meet a guy I got along with this easily.


----------



## LonelyLurker

Fruitcake said:


> Hey I didn't get murdered and it was great. Definitely gonna give him five stars. I was nervous but I was happy and talkative anyway. It was hard to understand him because he's from Sydney and their accent is real ****ed up, almost as ****ed up as kiwi accents. He would whisper something sexy and I'd be like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. We messed around for a couple of hours and he fell asleep while I was still going (barely). I think it was revenge for me falling asleep earlier. It was about 5am by then.
> 
> He's only the second person I've spoken to on Tinder so I got super lucky that he's so nice and the experience was so smooth. He's very understanding and cruisy. I would have expected it to take hundreds of Tinder conversations to meet a guy I got along with this easily.


Congratulations.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Fruitcake said:


> Hey I didn't get murdered and it was great. Definitely gonna give him five stars. I was nervous but I was happy and talkative anyway. It was hard to understand him because he's from Sydney and their accent is real ****ed up, almost as ****ed up as kiwi accents. He would whisper something sexy and I'd be like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. We messed around for a couple of hours and he fell asleep while I was still going (barely). I think it was revenge for me falling asleep earlier. It was about 5am by then.
> 
> He's only the second person I've spoken to on Tinder so I got super lucky that he's so nice and the experience was so smooth. He's very understanding and cruisy. I would have expected it to take hundreds of Tinder conversations to meet a guy I got along with this easily.


Hmmmm, sounds like something can build from this. 

Five stars. :eek

It's getting over that honey moon period where you really get to see the real them. But he sounds like a keeper so far.


----------



## The Library of Emma

Fruitcake said:


> God I love his sticky outy ears hrnnghghhh.


This bit made me laugh :laugh:


----------



## bad baby

cheekbones messaged me last night asking if I'm free today. i was with friends so i didn't bother reading/replying to him. he prompted me again this morning, and i told him i have work to do and didn't know what he had in mind, so let's set a date during the week, and i asked what his schedule is like.

and then he replied, "you told me to ask you one day in advance. great chat. bye!"

i didn't. and anyway i don't appreciate the passive-aggressiveness, and I'm mistrustful of guys with an inability to plan ahead and be transparent about their availability.

but at the same time I find myself less and less willing to commit to a date, especially on the weekends in case my friends want to do something. a few have asked this week, and I've either replied, "i don't plan that far ahead," (yeahhh i know, I'm a hypocrite ), or i've kinda just ignored them to bide my time.

usually im just not impressed/motivated enough to want to meet them that badly. but i still feel like i should go and meet them, on the chance that they're more awesome irl than over text and we hit it off. cheekbones was kinda like that too, he seemed like a cocky douche but also nice over msgs, and i wondered which impression of him was the correct one.

last night my friend said to me: "don't you find that all these guys are kind of... _off_.. in some way?" hahahaha. she really dislikes the american. i can see why. i mean i disliked him before i met him. which is why i think meetings are much more reliable than text.

she's also suspicious of cheekbones (in fact i can't wait to tell her about our exchange, lol). and she said the 20-year-old looks like the counter boy at your neighbourhood pizzeria. i still think he's adorable though. maybe im the only one who sees it? hmm... must get second opinion.


----------



## bad baby

chats with the cute 20-year-old have gone a bit weird. it's got to a point where we can barely exchange 2 sentences without him somehow working "you're so beautiful" into it. it was sweet the first time he said it, but it's starting to become too much and overtake our entire conversation, and I'm not sure how to find a nice way to tell him to calm the f-ck down. 

what's his deal, anyway? is it a cultural thing? is this how they flirt over here? or is he just inexperienced? or is he angling for something (like a hookup? although im not sure this is the way to go about it...)? or is he a total romantic and developed an infatuation with me based on like 2 good pictures? 

gosh, this whole texting thing is really a giant b-tch. he should just ask me out already. although he's probably really busy, and we don't even live in the same city. and anyway my schedule is kind of f-cked up and i really need to study. oh god I'm totally overthinking this, aren't i?. .

. this other guy has just offered to tutor me in my coursework. i feel bad because im kind of not really interested in him. but i could really use the help. and he seems kind of over-enthusiastic, which is not a good sign :/


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> chats with the cute 20-year-old have gone a bit weird. it's got to a point where we can barely exchange 2 sentences without him somehow working "you're so beautiful" into it. it was sweet the first time he said it, but it's starting to become too much and overtake our entire conversation, and I'm not sure how to find a nice way to tell him to calm the f-ck down.


If it's something that bothers you you should probably just tell him in a nice way. "Thanks for the compliment, but you don't need to keep on telling me ", or something like that, if he can't take the hint then maybe it's time to wonder if he's right for you in the first place. Would you really want a potential partner to be constantly getting on your nerves?


----------



## tea111red

back to not knowing if i'm reading things right (probably not a good sign).


----------



## bad baby

LonelyLurker said:


> If it's something that bothers you you should probably just tell him in a nice way. "Thanks for the compliment, but you don't need to keep on telling me ", or something like that, if he can't take the hint then maybe it's time to wonder if he's right for you in the first place. Would you really want a potential partner to be constantly getting on your nerves?


maybe my post came across that way, but I'm not actually annoyed by it. it's just that we have a good thing going and i didn't want it to be hijacked by needless flattery. thanks for your suggestion, I'll keep it in mind as a last resort.

but i did manage to find a way to weave my concern naturally into the conversation, and he took it well. he seems to be really trying to get to know me, and comes across as genuine, if a bit unsure of what he's doing. im usually find that kind of off-putting, but in his case it's actually rather endearing. so idk, we'll see.


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> maybe my post came across that way, but I'm not actually annoyed by it. it's just that we have a good thing going and i didn't want it to be hijacked by needless flattery. thanks for your suggestion, I'll keep it in mind as a last resort.
> 
> but i did manage to find a way to weave my concern naturally into the conversation, and he took it well. he seems to be really trying to get to know me, and comes across as genuine, if a bit unsure of what he's doing. im usually find that kind of off-putting, but in his case it's actually rather endearing. so idk, we'll see.


Oh OK, that's good.

The fact he'll listen and try is a good sign, it'll help you deal with quite a lot IMO.

I wish you both luck. :smile2:


----------



## bad baby

LonelyLurker said:


> Oh OK, that's good.
> 
> The fact he'll listen and try is a good sign, it'll help you deal with quite a lot IMO.
> 
> I wish you both luck. :smile2:


we're meeting in a couple of days. trying not to think too much about it / worry about disappointment / fear the worst. i've kind of lost interest in all my tinder conversations and they're starting to pile up welppp.

not sure i see any long-term potential with him tbh - i mean he's so _young_, but seems attractive (he'd better look like his photos or he's DEAD) and interesting, so let the chips fall where they may.


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> we're meeting in a couple of days. trying not to think too much about it / worry about disappointment / fear the worst. i've kind of lost interest in all my tinder conversations and they're starting to pile up welppp.
> 
> not sure i see any long-term potential with him tbh - i mean he's so _young_, but seems attractive (he'd better look like his photos or he's DEAD) and interesting, so let the chips fall where they may.


That's the best way, no point in stressing yourself out, just try to enjoy yourself and then take it from there.

I also hope you discover that he hasn't ordered you the catfish. :laugh:


----------



## bad baby

LonelyLurker said:


> That's the best way, no point in stressing yourself out, just try to enjoy yourself and then take it from there.
> 
> I hope also hope you discover that he hasn't ordered you the catfish. :laugh:


ive been lucky, met about a dozen people and only been catfished once - he used old photos and has gained some weight since, but his personality was by far the more off-putting feature. that guy also has the same name as this one. so yeah if it happens again i'll go buy a lottery ticket!


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> ive been lucky, met about a dozen people and only been catfished once - he used old photos and has gained some weight since, but his personality was by far the more off-putting feature. that guy also has the same name as this one. so yeah if it happens again i'll go buy a lottery ticket!


Well I hope he lives up to expectations. :smile2:

The whole catfishing thing seems so stupid, they're going to find out eventually aren't they?


----------



## bad baby

LonelyLurker said:


> Well I hope he lives up to expectations. :smile2:
> 
> The whole catfishing thing seems so stupid, they're going to find out eventually aren't they?


yeah. the guy actually did bring it up during our date that he's let himself go and he was unhappy with his current weight. and it's not like he gained 100 lbs or something crazy like that. but he looked different enough that i didn't recognise him as he was approaching me, and it took me a while at first to absorb the shock from the disparity.

but i wish him all the best with everything. no hard feelings. he's a bit mental, but respectful and observed good dating etiquette. and he gave me a good story to tell endlessly to everyone i know!! 

aaanyway. the 20-year-old has been texting me really sweet messages every day, and i. just. can't. i got one from him in class today and i sat there feeling all warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart... i have to remind myself not to develop any premature false feelings until i've met him and am satisfied that he's who he is portraying himself as. and damn that's hard!!!

i just want to get this meeting over with. damn him for being so busy and all. it's like schrodinger's cat experiment, where you don't know if the cat's alive or dead in the box until you open it, and you can't open it right away because the cat's not gonna be in town until friday. how do kids keep from tearing up the christmas gifts on the night of the 24th? and then process their emotions accordingly at the sight of the new playstation / ugly sweater??


----------



## Fruitcake

I feel so cringey trying to chat to people, especially if we don't have much in common. In most situations I just wouldn't bother and we'd never talk, or if they want to talk then I'd let them start conversations. But since I'm trying to get a fwb I am trying to start more conversations and lead conversations a bit more. If I'm passive in convos there are still enough guys who will put the effort in, but I'm trying to put in effort myself since I don't like that guys have to most of the time, and I don't want to miss out on hanging out with some guys if they are sexy and nice just because I feel cringey whenever I say anything.

It feels so wrong to be the one leading things like that. I'm used to just being quiet and letting others lead. On Tinder I'll say something to initiate conversation, and I know that if someone else said that to me they'd just sound like a normal, sociable person, but I feel like when I say anything it's just awkward no matter what. But I doubt it comes across that way, and it's ok if it does.

I also just don't enjoy talking to most of the guys I want to meet because the whole experience of talking to strangers + worrying about getting rejected + having to plan meeting strangers makes it too stressful to enjoy the social aspect, and even if it wasn't I just don't really like talking to most people.

I've been sort of rejected a couple of times now but was expecting that and it only hurt a tiny bit and I'm kinda happy about how okay I am. My self-esteem would have been ruined by it a couple of years ago but I'm a lot more okay with it. It's not that my self-esteem is good but I don't care as much anymore and I'm fine with being boring or whatever. I think I was better off in some ways when I was more anxious because I'd put more effort into being entertaining and looking nice.

I need to get laid bad enough that I'm going to keep talking to people in spite of bad experiences as long as I'm still having some positive ones.

It's so hard socialising on Tinder when I don't have any friends. Whenever an interaction goes badly it drives home how alone and alienated I am. And seeing all the sociable people on there with their friends makes me feel more left out than usual. I'm trying to do some social activities this week though.

Maybe I should stop using Tinder until I have more positive social interactions or make some friends.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Fruitcake

Women lead when kids are involved. Women are natural leaders (look at how many mums, families are out there).

But in relationships, the old way is men approach, ask out, etc (it shows confidence). Maybe you are brought up in the old ways? :stu

I believe you get bored, as not compatible with who you are talking to (personality or other). When click with someone, you'll know it is right as can talk for a long time.

Don't worry, you comes across ok. :hug 

You are awesome, funny. :grin2:

It will happen when it is meant to.


----------



## bad baby

ok might be meeting him later today. also this cute Japanese guy started chatting with me on tinder and 日本語は苦手だよね but omg omg i want to meet him already ~~


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> ok might be meeting him later today. also this cute Japanese guy started chatting with me on tinder and 日本語は苦手だよね but omg omg i want to meet him already ~~


Good luck :smile2:


----------



## bad baby

i asked the Japanese guy out for an after-dinner drink and he's not replying anymore. hahaha wtf. you know you can just say no, right? I'm not going to take it personally

EDIT: oh wait he just said yes. this will be interesting.


----------



## Fruitcake

Uh ohhhhh I saw a girl from my therapy group on Tinder and she's bi, poly, and probably into BDSM damn... We probably have some issues that would not mesh well, but y'know... I might message her. Hrmmm. Hrmmmmmmmm. Oh no, I know I shouldn't but I feel like I'm gonna do it anyway.

No actually I'm going to think about this first because I don't want to end up exacerbating her issues with my ****ed uppedness.



ANX1 said:


> Don't worry, you comes across ok.
> 
> You are awesome, funny.


Thanks that was fluffy, nice.


----------



## forgetmylife

Fruitcake said:


> Uh ohhhhh I saw a girl from my therapy group on Tinder and she's bi, poly, and probably into BDSM damn... We probably have some issues that would not mesh well, but y'know... I might message her. Hrmmm. Hrmmmmmmmm. Oh no, I know I shouldn't but I feel like I'm gonna do it anyway.
> 
> No actually I'm going to think about this first because I don't want to end up exacerbating her issues with my ****ed uppedness.


SA therapy?

Plan it carefully but I say go for it! :wink2:

Wish I could join you! LOL


----------



## Sus y

What do I need to do? Fine! Don't tell me, I already know, but... can there be another solution to this? Oh, that didn't worked either.
*Keeps talking alone*


----------



## Fruitcake

forgetmylife said:


> SA therapy?
> 
> Plan it carefully but I say go for it! :wink2:
> 
> Wish I could join you! LOL


Nah therapy for anyone who'll benefit from DBT, which includes sufferers of anxiety, depression, and borderline personality disorder. BPD is what I would be worried about.

Anyway I just looked on her Instagram and she has a picture of a terrible book and I don't know if I'd feel respectful hitting on someone who likes bad books. I'd feel like I was pretending not to care that they liked that book. I wouldn't feel comfortable pretending that when she probably has emotional issues and might be hurt by that. But I also can't message her like, "Hey, that's a ****e book on your instagram mate, want to go out with me?" So that's that. It's over between me and her.

But like. You know?


----------



## bad baby

bad baby said:


> ok might be meeting him later today. also this cute Japanese guy started chatting with me on tinder and 日本語は苦手だよね but omg omg i want to meet him already ~~


ok not meeting him today after all. he was on another part of campus and offered to cut class to come over here and i was like, don't be a deliquent kiddo stay in school. he's upping the msging game to include those smileys with the hearts for eyes and i really wish he would curb his enthusiasm because what if we end up hating each other when we meet?? that's a real possibility you know.

found another 20y.o., aspiring actor from up north who looks a bit like:










he asks interesting questions and im really into the artsy-fartsy types.

gonna make myself an espresso now so I'll be awake for the evening date. also wondering what i should have for dinner so i won't show up all bloated and lethargic and burpy. im out of groceries and the takeout places close by are all kinda unhealthy


----------



## bad baby

landlord just got home and first thing he says to me: "elegant! beautiful!"
characteristic of the men in this country that they can be 90y.o. ready to bite the dust any minute, and still appreciate a nice dress. 

the kid my friend babysits is 7 and already starting to display hound dog qualities. he hits on her mucho. reqlly sweet kid though. i kind of fell out with her earlier in the week because she's too obsessed with this guy she met off of tinder whom i feel is totally playing her. im a bit salty that she's prioritising this douchenozzle over our friendship. but maybe i shouldn't be???

gosh f-cking friendships and relationships. gives me a headache when i think about it. or maybe it's just the caffeine.


EDIT: oh and cheekbones msged me randomly today asking if he spotted me on campus. guess we're not mutually ghosting because pissed at each other anymore?? or more likely he's just sending out a feeler to see if I'll bite. a few days ago i would've had some choice expletives for him, but right now im kinda chill with it. he probably won't ask again. but if he does and i happen to be free, a drink couldn't hurt...


----------



## bad baby

actor boy hasn't replied to my last reply. it's been several hours and i know he's logged in because his distance decreased by 6km. was my msg too boring? i know it was too boring. i was rambling randomly, and doing other things at the same time, so it was not well thought out at ALL and he must've totally lost interest. ((( I'm gonna wait a day and then maybe get drunk and send him the hearts thing. I've never sent thatvto anybody before. damnit i hope he replies!!,


----------



## tea111red

nothing.

maybe i can considering taking an EMT class again, though. the class would be interesting and a pretty decent amount of EMTs that are guys are good looking.

i would probably look stupid and very out of place, though. 

haha......i would probably really embarrass myself. 

i can really see myself doing poorly on the field. oh boy......

:haha

maybe i'll throw that idea away again.....

probably going to go back to doing nothing.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Fruitcake said:


> Thanks that was fluffy, nice.


You're welcome. 

Thank you for your kind words. 



tea111red said:


> nothing.
> 
> maybe i can considering taking an EMT class again, though. the class would be interesting and a pretty decent amount of EMTs that are guys are good looking.
> 
> i would probably look stupid and very out of place, though.
> 
> haha......i would probably really embarrass myself.
> 
> i can really see myself doing poorly on the field. oh boy......
> 
> :haha
> 
> maybe i'll throw that idea away again.....
> 
> probably going to go back to doing nothing.


Suddenly she puts back of right hand to her forehead and falls to floor. She then says, save me good looking EMT guys.   :grin2:


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> save me good looking EMT guys.   :grin2:


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

:grin2:


----------



## bad baby

back from meeting (more of a meeting than a date i guess). the Japanese guy was _very_ reserved, maybe because he didn't find me attractive, and maybe i took him to a ghost bar and i was blabbing wayyy too much about my life (and a lot about my other dates) and he got weirded out. we shook hands. at one point he asked if i was bored. i guess i kind of was, but at any rate i appreciate the company over being alone. he was nice. can't expect to click with everyone and be best friends/confidants in an hour.

the 20y.o. sent me a voice msg and i understood almost none of it. at first i thought he was cancelling, but turns he's just sending me a msg just because.

i don't know how i feel anymore. the Japanese guy advised me not to get involved. omg i wonder if i came across as some kind of desperate man-eater or something. i meet people liberally but i have no expectations and am flighty as f-ck.

EDIT: oh he just sent me a "nice meeting you msg". i guess i wasn't a total disaster then..


----------



## bad baby

im posting too much itt, but f-ck that.

had a rather unpleasant exchange with a (possibly?) german guy last night. we exchanged whatsapp and he called me even though i explicitly told him i don't like phone calls. so i was all like, dude, wtf?! and he was like, "i like to push other people's limits." long story short we ended up mutually blocking each other.

gave dodgy answers to all my questions, too. just like the american. in retrospect these kinds of conversations are like pure mental masturbation, more flair than substance, but at the time i was like, wowww, this could be interesting.

anyway this little incident kind of had me reevaluating my priorities, in that i don't know what im looking for (short answer: a feeling) or i say i want one thing and shoot for another. i say i like honest genuine people but i get bored by them and im drawn by mystery, glib charm, the pretense and abuse of intelligence. i say i want mental connections but look for physical reasons to reject people, selecting mainly for the face and the six-pack abs.

there was a guy a few weeks back who offered to drive over to my town for a drink, but i happened to be going out of town that weekend, and he hasn't contacted me since. he's mature and has a good career, but physically not my type, and i know this sounds horrible but i feel this sense of entitlement, like he has to try harder and maybe I'll develop more of an interest in him. I do this with too many people, i should just be decisive and give a clear yes/no and stop wasting everyone's time.

bottom line: im not a good judge of character. 

i realise i got a lot of my f-cked up views on dating and relationships from my mum. was chatting with her earlier in the week about my friend's miserable love life, and my mum was all like, "oh she's making herself too easy! she should play more hard to get and make the guy chase her and then he'll be interested." i eye-rolled so much silently at that. but in a way i get her, she was raised under a patriarchy. no explanation needed.

on anothee note i have GOT to move to barcelona.


----------



## Fruitcake

Jeez I just went through so many profiles and only was interested in four of them, and all of those four have sticky-outy ears. Rrrrrrrr. I don't know if I'm so into this because my last boyfriend had sticky outy ears and I loves him, or if I only lovesd him because he had such sexy ears.  I miss him so much. The guy I'm talking to most at the moment looks like his twin (only I can't tell from the pics whether his ears stick out or not!! Hopefully that means he set the pics up that way to hide how much they stick out). Oh yeah that reminds me I better check this boy doesn't have the same surname as my ex. My ex does have ten or twenty siblings so it's probably his bro now that I think about it... As soon as my ex left me, the next stranger I spoke to happened to be one of his siblings. I believe they make up approximately half the population of the city. His sibling was in my photography class and I only realised she was his sis when we hung out and she started talking about her older brother who had the same job and tattoo as my ex. It seems pretty likely that this guy I'm talking to is his brother so maybe I should be cautious, but it also seems unavoidable that I'll sleep with one eventually with them running around everywhere, especially if his parents keep popping them out at this rate (not being pervy, just thinking of when I'm ~50 and hitting up 22-year-olds on Tinder, might have a different type by then but doubt it). Hmmm maybe I won't check his last name. No, I should check. Hmmmmmm maybe I should just check if they have the same body type.  

Also I saw a guy on Tinder who I used to work with. Once I tripped over a pallet in front of everyone because I was getting too excited talking to him (the conversation was about fuzzy animals though so it could have been that). I remember now after he disappeared from work, I dreamed that I saw him on Tinder and I woke up like, "Wow imagine if that was real and I actually could use tinder and meet up with him, what a crazy beautiful world that would be. But thanks to social anxiety, the only truly meaningful thing in life - low-effort promiscuity - will forever be out of reach for me." But just a year later and I've overcome my shyness and have access to this cellphone-order boy catalogue! Thanks government funded CBT for getting me laid. Though I have to say a lot of these boys seem like they are being mass-produced in boy mills that aren't operating in accordance with New Zealand's Codes of Welfare. Some look real sickly, and many exhibit disturbing shared traits and utter the same phrases repetitively as if they've been cooped up together and neglected too long. Going on about how they'll ditch the boys for you. Seems they're experiencing survivor's guilt and constantly reliving the memory of escaping the mill while some of their boys stayed. Or perhaps Tinder gets them to write their bios while they're still in the factory and that line is an attempt to alert the public of their situation. Certainly some of these boys don't have much about them that distinguishes them from the factory farmed chickens I've met, apart from that the chickens had gotten laid.

I shouldn't sleep with the work dude though because he has an on-off relationship with his babies' crazy mum, and his babies are accidental so that sounds kind of STD-y. But he was nice. If I find out I already have all the STDs I will hit him up.

Mum if I died and you're reading this to get to know me, this is all just my ****ed up sense of humour, don't worry. The only parts that're true are like the ear thing and ex-boyfriend thing and those other things. Same goes for you, any future accidental babies. Also babies, I wanted you to be Newfoundlands so if you're not, try to live long enough for science to find a solution to this and then once you get to heaven Mummy won't have to reject you. Don't disappoint me a second time. I loves you though, eat your greens and stay out of school and all that. And do some CBT so our genes get passed on. Unless the puppification process screwed our DNA up. They haven't got the specifics down when I'm from.


----------



## bad baby

bad baby said:


> actor boy hasn't replied to my last reply. it's been several hours and i know he's logged in because his distance decreased by 6km. was my msg too boring? i know it was too boring. i was rambling randomly, and doing other things at the same time, so it was not well thought out at ALL and he must've totally lost interest. ((( I'm gonna wait a day and then maybe get drunk and send him the hearts thing. I've never sent thatvto anybody before. damnit i hope he replies!!,


i didn't even have to because he sent me hearts AND he wants to come visit me and "get lost in the city together". omg omg OMG. how do i even FEEL.. im totally regressing to teenage girl mode right now.


----------



## greentea33

I like this shop guy. I never get a chance to talk to him though because hes always talking to other customers when I go in. Its not really a shop you can go in every day - that would just look weird. And its kind of far from me ....but I go in as much as I can.

One of these times Im going to talk to him.:roll Idk.


----------



## bad baby

WOW the date went spectacularly, better than i could've imagined. he looks even cuter than his pictures(!!!), and is more of a history buff than he came across in his msgs. and if he had a crush on me before the meeting then he's definitely smitten now. wet kisser, awful hand-holder, but too, too adorable. going to see him again, hopefully soon. he's a busy boy :3


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> WOW the date went spectacularly, better than i could've imagined. he looks even cuter than his pictures(!!!), and is more of a history buff than he came across in his msgs. and if he had a crush on me before the meeting then he's definitely smitten now. wet kisser, awful hand-holder, but too, too adorable. going to see him again, hopefully soon. he's a busy boy :3


Glad you had fun.


----------



## bad baby

LonelyLurker said:


> Glad you had fun.


i always have fun! even on bad dates


----------



## LonelyLurker

bad baby said:


> i always have fun! even on bad dates


You are a bad baby. :laugh:


----------



## tea111red

it appears this guy is hiding from me/being avoidant again. :roll

:stu

time is running out to make things happen!!!!!!

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.


----------



## tea111red

hides right when my hormones are about to make me explode.......:no


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Smile at him.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> Smile at him.


yeah, it does encourage him, i've noticed. sometimes i have a lot of trouble making myself smile, though. my face just can't form a smile sometimes, even if he smiles at me.

i have to talk to him. i don't know what to say, though. i can't just go from 0-60 in one second (or 5-10 to 60 in one second, lol) like i feel like....... that would be disastrous.

also, i kind of anticipate him being moody w/ me (because sometimes he seems moody) so feel even more reluctant.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> yeah, it does encourage him, i've noticed. sometimes i have a lot of trouble making myself smile, though. my face just can't form a smile sometimes, even if he smiles at me.
> 
> i have to talk to him. i don't know what to say, though. i can't just go from 0-60 (or 5-10 to 60, lol) like i feel like....... that would be disastrous.
> 
> also, i kind of anticipate him being moody w/ me so feel even more reluctant.


Think of something that makes you happy or laugh and you should naturally smile. 

Ask him if he is ok when he looks awkward or moody.

Talk about a subject in common that he likes. Like ask him, could you help me with this, as I struggle with this sort of thing (medical stuff if it's that subject you have in common). Even though you might know how to do it. 

Or ask him to help you with something.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Think of something that makes you happy or laugh and you should naturally smile.
> 
> Ask him if he is ok when he looks awkward or moody.
> 
> Talk about a subject in common that he likes. Like ask him, could you help me with this, as I struggle with this sort of thing (medical stuff if it's that subject you have in common). Even though you might know how to do it.
> 
> Or ask him to help you with something.


he gets nervous when i talk to him sometimes, i think. :lol

there have also been times where i've not felt as nervous, but because he's been hiding or something, i've not been able to say anything.

sometimes he is not nervous, though, and that's usually when i can't get myself to smile or when my mind goes blank and i can't think, lol.

:stu


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> he gets nervous when i talk to him sometimes, i think. :lol
> 
> sometimes he is not nervous, though, and that's usually when i can't get myself to smile or when my mind goes blank and i can't think, lol.
> 
> :stu


Sounds like you have to wait until he is nervous to talk to him.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Sounds like you have to wait until he is nervous to talk to him.


lol, yeah, but then he can't talk/say much or just laughs/blushes. then i stop being able to think and nothing happens.

or he is hiding/being avoidant so i can't say anything.

:stu


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> lol, yeah, but then he can't talk/say much or just laughs/blushes. then i stop being able to think and nothing happens.
> 
> or he is hiding/being avoidant so i can't say anything.
> 
> :stu


Sounds like he likes you.


----------



## Fruitcake

Damn it I was into a guy and we were both interested in casual sex but I didn't check my snapchat for two days so he removed me from there and tinder. I liked him and I thought we got along but I can't deal with checking my phone every day if I feel like being left alone. I hate socialising the amount it takes me to get laid. I hate pretending to want to chat with people. That's why snapchat is good though cos I can just send them stupid pictures instead of trying to hold a conversation. I explained that I am shy and don't like talking lots because I had taken a while to message him before, and he didn't seem to mind. Actually he mentioned he removed snapchat the other time I thought he removed me on it, so maybe this time he just removed snapchat and tinder. Probably not though and it doesn't matter much.

I guess I should get myself to be sociable and promptly respond even if I want to be alone and am not in the mood, when I am getting to know someone from tinder. People on tinder have probably already had to talk to flighty people and people who are only wanting to chat so they are probably looking for signs of it being a waste of time. Idk. But then if I force myself to talk I feel like I will come across worse than if I wait for a time that I have stuff to say and am in a friendly or silly mood. I don't know how to be friendly on demand.

I don't know what I am doing that is putting off sexy boys. I wish they would submit reviews. I guess I need to think more about how I am coming across. I tend to get really into a guy and feel positive towards him but because I'm awkward or overwhelmed I think I come across as not being that interested. I forget that it's not obvious that I'm into him.

I also don't feel like talking to new people because once I get into someone I start feeling like there are no other sexy boys in the world (except for my last ex). So I don't feel like continuing to meet people and chat up guys. But once I do I get into someone again.

Still tinder is going better than I thought. I've only had proper conversations with three or so guys but I thought it would be much worse.

It's just hard being lonely at the moment because I'm rooming above this couple who are super lovey dovey and they keep talking about their impending marriage and the dryad walks around with just vines covering her so I'm super sexually frustrated all the time. But at least she's pixel acted unlike all these sexy boys 1km away from me (all two of them).

It's ****ing disturbing that snapchat shows your location to contacts. Not only is it giving potential creeps an idea of where I live but it's giving potential dates the knowledge that I never leave my house. Probably no one checks it but I'm going to start going out in case. What a ridiculous issue hahaha what I can't believe I'm alive in this time period this **** is too ****ed up. So were the other time periods though so it's all good.


----------



## greentea33

Getting closer. I know shop guys name now. Soon we will be married!


----------



## Eternal Solitude

greentea33 said:


> Getting closer. I know shop guys name now. Soon we will be married!


Good luck! Although I usually figure shop people's names by their name tag >

Just kidding!


----------



## LonelyLurker

Fruitcake said:


> Damn it I was into a guy and we were both interested in casual sex but I didn't check my snapchat for two days so he removed me from there and tinder. I liked him and I thought we got along but I can't deal with checking my phone every day if I feel like being left alone. I hate socialising the amount it takes me to get laid. I hate pretending to want to chat with people. That's why snapchat is good though cos I can just send them stupid pictures instead of trying to hold a conversation. I explained that I am shy and don't like talking lots because I had taken a while to message him before, and he didn't seem to mind. Actually he mentioned he removed snapchat the other time I thought he removed me on it, so maybe this time he just removed snapchat and tinder. Probably not though and it doesn't matter much.


Assuming it isn't some kind of misunderstanding you probably just need to find less needy men. Cutting you off because you hadn't spoken in two days, that's just strange (especially if you're just casual or have only recently started talking). I'm pretty sure that there are many men whose ideal would be someone they get along with, is interested in the physical aspect also but doesn't need to talk all the time.


----------



## tea111red

some embarrassing posts i've made in this thread...... :no


----------



## Fruitcake

tea111red said:


> some embarrassing posts i've made in this thread...... :no


Here I'll embarrass myself so people are distracted and judge me instead!!

So there was this boy who worked at the pet store between 2-4 years ago and sometimes when I really needed to get laid I would try to convince myself to go there and ask him out but I was always too shy. Plus I did try make conversation with him but he didn't seem that receptive to my goat facts. Ugh I would play with the piggies but actually be jizzing myself watching him out the corner of my eye as he sensually poured slop into the pig troughs. Good lawwwd. Not that I didn't love playing with the piggies also!!

I need to go back there but you never know if they'll have the baby goats in, and what's the point of going across town to see a bunch of dumb kitties, puppies, bunnies etc. if they don't have the baby goats in? It's not worth the petrol cost or the risk of getting sexually harassed by Mickey the parrot. Anyway I didnt think about that boy in forever 'cos I fell in something with someone, but just now I think I saw him on Tinder! O: Oh and it says he likes books. He likes books and animals! I feel faint. Too bad he is past his prime now, he is 23! Gross!!

I'm gonna cry at how many sexy, shy people are out there wanting to date who aren't on Tinder because they think no one would like them. Sometimes one of the typical muscly Tinder bros has a pic with his mates and one of them will be a nerdy looking dude who's been terribly frightened by the sight of the camera or the sun or other people, and I'm like why can't that guy be on Tinder?  People shouldn't put pics of products that aren't on offer.

Hmm what are some more embarrassing things. Oh ok yeah this is the worst, one guy I matched with, I think he might actually be my cousin's stepson. If it was him I've only met him once but that's awkward. I forgot I had all those cousins and then I remembered too late that I recognised his unusual name, but he has a generic face so idk. Lucky I'll probably never see him or any of my relatives again, since they say we should hang out then only do when someone's dead or needs a place to stay so their man can't find them. Idk maybe my family don't hang out with me 'cos I give off the vibes of a creep who hides behind pigs to perve on pet store workers and leads on sexually frustrated cockatoos.


----------



## alienbird

Nothing. I'm still skeptical about good men existing, okay. =/
Why should I bother if someone is just going to use me and leave?
NOOOOO. Ready for my soul-mate to fall into my lap. 
I don't understand dating and hook-up culture.
It grosses me out and makes me lose faith in people.

I don't understand how to get a guy to love me.
I don't know if I even want a guy.
Maybe I want a girl.
Maybe I want to be alone.
Maybe I have no idea what I want.


----------



## Kevin001

Grand said:


> Nothing. I'm still skeptical about good men existing, okay. =/
> Why should I bother if someone is just going to use me and leave?
> NOOOOO. Ready for my soul-mate to fall into my lap.
> I don't understand dating and hook-up culture.
> It grosses me out and makes me lose faith in people.
> 
> I don't understand how to get a guy to love me.
> I don't know if I even want a guy.
> Maybe I want a girl.
> Maybe I want to be alone.
> Maybe I have no idea what I want.


Aww you'll be fine. You have good morals and any guy would be lucky to have you .


----------



## Sus y

Nothing! Why would I do something if I could get a girl? Naaa, I'm just kidding, about the second part lol.


----------



## alienbird

Kevin001 said:


> Aww you'll be fine. You have good morals and any guy would be lucky to have you .


Most guys don't have good morals nowadays, so... they're going to want me?
I also have anxiety and depression, which seems to be used against me.
There are no guys near me that seem good and would possibly understand.
I can't do online dating, because I imagine most guys are simply looking for a good time.
I don't want to be someone's good time and be used. I want a life partner.

:sigh


----------



## Kevin001

Grand said:


> Most guys don't have good morals nowadays, so... they're going to want me?
> I also have anxiety and depression, which seems to be used against me.
> There are no guys near me that seem good and would possibly understand.
> I can't do online dating, because I imagine most guys are simply looking for a good time.
> I don't want to be someone's good time and be used. I want a life partner.
> 
> :sigh


Aww I know just saying keep your standards a great guy will come a long. You're rare. You know your worth. We have similar interests, I have faith you'll find an amazing guy.


----------



## veron

Grand said:


> I don't want to be someone's good time and be used. I want a life partner.


At my age and stage in life, I would be happy to even just be somebody's good time... Well not really, but I'm getting there


----------



## alienbird

veron said:


> At my age and stage in life, I would be happy to even just be somebody's good time... Well not really, but I'm getting there


I wouldn't, even if I were much older.
A lot of men will sleep with anyone, so it's easy to find someone for that. 
Cool and all for the people who are into it, but I'm not.
To me, sex means more than just sex. It's emotional. 
Don't want someone using me in that way. uke


----------



## SusanStorm

I don't know anymore. I started feeling ready to look for someone again maybe two months ago.

I signed up for some dating apps/sites, but after being there I just feel ugly and rejected. At the beginning it was "ooh, I got a match", and now it's more like "whatever". Like 90% of the time I'm the one who has to make the first move, and some don't reply, some don't ask any questions back and sometimes I can't think of anything to ask and the conversation dies.

It just feels like people aren't that interested and then I start feeling like there's something wrong with me. Am I that ugly/less attractive and weird?

Right now I think online dating is bull****.

Then there's the possibility of meeting someone in real life. I can't even see the possibility of that happening lol. I've been attracted to a couple of guys, but I then avoid them like the plague and they probably think that I hate them. I don't have the confidence to walk up to them, smile to them or whatever the hell people do when they are flirting.

When a guy smiles to me, something that doesn't happen often, I'm just :| I have no idea how to do this.

Now I feel like an ogre and crappy about it anyway.

How the **** did I manage to find someone before? Oh right, now I remember. I was drunk, but I don't go out much and can't really be drunk all the time. That would probably get me into trouble.

Sorry, for looong rant. I'm frustrated. 

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## veron

SusanStorm said:


> I signed up for some dating apps/sites, but after being there I just feel ugly and rejected. At the beginning it was "ooh, I got a match", and now it's more like "whatever". Like 90% of the time I'm the one who has to make the first move, and some don't reply, some don't ask any questions back and sometimes I can't think of anything to ask and the conversation dies.
> 
> It just feels like people aren't that interested and then I start feeling like there's something wrong with me. Am I that ugly/less attractive and weird?
> 
> Right now I think online dating is bull****.


My experience with online dating has been the same. Oh, and I get a lot of cheaters messaging me, or guys looking just for sex.


----------



## SusanStorm

veron said:


> My experience with online dating has been the same. Oh, and I get a lot of cheaters messaging me, or guys looking just for sex.


Yeah, for some reason I get the guys who start out looking like they are serious and then they try to stear the conversation over to sex, but I'm not buying it. Like one guy told me that he was so open and could talk about anything. Then he tried to stear the conversation over to sex several times lol.

But I'm "happy" that I'm not the only one. I hear about girls seemingly having it so easy, telling me that on the day they created their online dating profile they met their boyfriend or that a lot of guys write to them all the time. It makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## tea111red

back to not knowing how to meet the kind of men that'd be good for me again. :bash


----------



## tea111red

some guy started talking w/ me at this store so i said some stuff back, endured several silent moments, said "what?/what's that?" when i couldn't hear him a few times, said some more stuff, stared at the ground/counter/chip reader a few times, he said some stuff again, i said some stuff again, and then we parted ways after 2 minutes. 

i'm on my way to winning big....


----------



## PandaBearx

The other day I pushed a bit out of my comfort zone as opposed to shutting down, panicking, and avoiding all contact. Said hello, and he tried to initiate conversation. 

I feel like there’s a possibility he likes me a bit. I’m just afraid of him getting to know me. So I do get nervous...

I’m too hard on myself.


----------



## tea111red

haha.... oh wow......this woman ended up passing on this msg i had for this guy i like (the one i've talked about a lot on here) and she said he seemed really touched. 

.......


----------



## tea111red

uke i can't believe i did that.....i sent this msg about that guy to that woman so she could tell him really impulsively and in the heat of the moment. don't know if i'll ever be able to show my face where he works again (if that is even a possibility again).

uke i'm embarrassed.....

O_O


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@tea111red

Really touched is good. 

I hope it works out.


----------



## Sus y

There is a guy that called my attention, he works in a coffee shop I went to few weeks ago. I just couldn't stop staring at him for more than a minute, maybe he was shocked but I didn't care. I was thinking today to go there again and ask for a juice or something so I can have the chance to see him more close or interact. Honestly I may not get anything from it -if I do it-, more like just spend some money lol. Maybe it's not something I'm doing "to get a boy", more like out of curiosity, I just want to know more about him.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> @tea111red
> 
> Really touched is good.
> 
> I hope it works out.


pfft...don't know if it's even salvageable at this point.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> pfft...don't know if it's even salvageable at this point.


:sigh

I hope it is salvageable.

You need something good in your life after what you have been through. :hug


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> :sigh
> 
> I hope it is salvageable.
> 
> You need something good in your life after what you have been through. :hug


:stu

Thank you.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> :stu
> 
> Thank you.


Crossing fingers, toes. 

You're welcome.


----------



## tea111red

i'm too weird for men.

i need to not be.......weird.


----------



## SamanthaStrange

tea111red said:


> i'm too weird for men.
> 
> i need to not be.......weird.


Or find a man who is just as weird!


----------



## Fruitcake

Preparing for job interviews, once I get a job it's a piece of cake, all I have to do is show up and I get boys harassing me!! I'm glad it's so easy as a woman to get boys.


----------



## Depo

I'm so ugly I doubt any men would be interested in me. I've had 4 bfs and they all cheated on me! With the exception of one, who decided he wanted to live his life as a woman! I'm such a failure. My first bf once told me years after we broke up that I was only good for being used and abused. Maybe he was right. Whatever, I don't need any men. Men are overrated anyway. It surprises me that some women are willing to give their lives over such mundane creatures.


----------



## SunshineSam218

I'm pretty shy and awkward to be perfectly honest. I don't ever try to look for relationships because when I do it never ends up happening so I usually just keep myself busy and keep myself busy with hobbies. When I like someone though, I usually joke a lot with them and love talking with them, hearing from them and smile anytime they speak to me.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i'm too weird for men.
> 
> i need to not be.......weird.


You are awesome.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Depo

:hug

I believe just haven't found the right man.

@Gentleheart_Flower

I hope you find a good man.


----------



## netsnetsnets

Working on learning how to put on makeup/dress myself fashionably for the new year so I can be hawt. Also scoped out the hottest male ICU nurse ever earlier this year (my sister was in there in the cardiac wing but she was scoping him out too so I don't feel bad). Guy had a jawline you could cut glass on. I didn't talk to him, but daaaaayum.

That's pretty much as close as I got to "getting" any guy all year, which is kind of pathetic, but I'm cool with it.


----------



## blue2

Being macho but gentle ...


----------



## daretobelieve

Well, I put on make-up, dress nicely, put on my favorite fragrance, try to laugh and be funny. No one likes a negative Nancy, of course, expect if you have a thing for them.


----------



## Depo

ANX1 said:


> @Depo
> 
> :hug
> 
> I believe just haven't found the right man.
> 
> @Gentleheart_Flower
> 
> I hope you find a good man.


Yes, most of them only want sex. I don't know... It doesn't bother me a lot. I'm a loner and getting a bf is not a priority to me right now.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Depo said:


> Yes, most of them only want sex. I don't know... It doesn't bother me a lot. I'm a loner and getting a bf is not a priority to me right now.


When you mentioned what they were saying, sounded like they were projecting their own issues onto you and like they were thinking they weren't relationship material.

I think a good man will come along when you least expect it and when you are ready.


----------



## SunshineSam218

ANX1 said:


> @Depo
> 
> :hug
> 
> I believe just haven't found the right man.
> 
> @Gentleheart_Flower
> 
> I hope you find a good man.


I'm sure I will.  It just takes time for me because I'm so shy that it takes awhile before feeling's builds up or anything due to my shyness, lol. Sometimes in mid sentence to loosen things up.. I'll quote funny movie quotes or something. :grin2: I love making the person I love to laugh and be happy around me. That's the kind of person I am.


----------



## Methodical

Nothing.

Edit: Wrong thread.


----------



## tea111red

still studying how to not be weird......

still trying to figure out how to fix my ugliness.....


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> I'm sure I will.  It just takes time for me because I'm so shy that it takes awhile before feeling's builds up or anything due to my shyness, lol. Sometimes in mid sentence to loosen things up.. I'll quote funny movie quotes or something. :grin2: I love making the person I love to laugh and be happy around me. That's the kind of person I am.


That is normal with women with SA from what I have seen in real life. Takes time to warm up to people.

Sound like a lovely, funny woman. 



tea111red said:


> still studying how to not be weird......
> 
> still trying to figure out how to fix my ugliness.....


:no

You are awesome and you know it.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> You are awesome and you know it.


:stu

thanks for the nice words....


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> :stu
> 
> thanks for the nice words....


You're welcome. :hug


----------



## veron

Today I deleted my OkCupid account. That site just got worse and worse and worse, and when I thought they couldn't make it any worse, today I got an email from them telling me they are going to use my actual first name. This was the last straw!


----------



## SusanStorm

Nothing right now, and I don't think I want to either or I do, but it just seems kind of unrealistic right now.

A guy who i wrote with over a month ago, and who ghosted me decided to send me a message a few days ago. I mean, really? I don't get it and don't wait this long if you were interested. 

I'm bored with online dating. People just seem so not really interested in me. 

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## tea111red

what can i do? still too preoccupied w/ and drained by stupid crap to go out of my way to meet someone.


----------



## notBlair

I'm not really actively "doing" anything. I think I'd just try to meet people (in real life) and go from there. I guess I should be exposing myself more to social situations.


----------



## tea111red

some dude in a monster truck stared at me

and i turned away. 

on my way.....


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> some dude in a monster truck stared at me
> 
> and i turned away.
> 
> on my way.....


One would think in that scenario, hello big boy (monster truck).  :lol


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> One would think in that scenario, hello big boy (monster truck).  :lol


eh, i always feel so ugly and worthless to men so i turn away, i guess.

:stu

i don't know.

too tired to try at this point.

i really feel i have to have someone force themselves on me to some degree to have success, to be more frank.


----------



## 0589471

That is just too much trouble I'm not getting into right now, I have enough to worry about. I honestly think I'm scarred after my breakup with my ex-fiancee 4 years ago. :lol


----------



## LadyApathy

I’m not trying to get a bf right now but back in the day when I was trying I would just go on match.com or pretty much any dating website. I’d post my best selfie on there, try to make myself look as “attractive” as possible, get all the good angles, use good lighting, filter tf out of my face and ta-da! All the boys will come running lol . That’s how I met my bf actually on a dating website. To be fair, according to him he said he was mainly intrigued by what I had written on my “about me profile”. I remember I wrote something pretty lengthy on there and he liked what I wrote because he felt like he could relate to me  


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> eh, i always feel so ugly and worthless to men so i turn away, i guess.
> 
> :stu
> 
> i don't know.
> 
> too tired to try at this point.
> 
> i really feel i have to have someone force themselves on me to some degree to have success, to be more frank.


Awww. :hug

Chin up.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> That is just too much trouble I'm not getting into right now, I have enough to worry about. I honestly think I'm scarred after my breakup with my ex-fiancee 4 years ago. :lol


It takes time to get over someone you loved.


----------



## SusanStorm

I have two accounts on online dating sites, but I deleted one of them and thinking about doing the same to the other one.

Just fed up with it.

Weird, when I access the forum through Tapatalk and look at this thread there is a picture of a guy with a pineapple drink who looks like he wants me to join him lol. I guess someone probably has posted the picture some time in this thread. 

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## tea111red

:blush 

:hide


----------



## tea111red

SusanStorm said:


> Weird, when I access the forum through Tapatalk and look at this thread there is a picture of a guy with a pineapple drink who looks like he wants me to join him lol.


:lol


----------



## veron

I almost got a date from online (it's been like a year since my last date?), but nope... we ended up having an argument. When we talked about meeting up, he suggested "tonight," but I suggested we meet a couple of days from now. He seemed annoyed that I suggested such a late date "are you going on a 5 day vacation?" and we ended up in a bit of an argument that led nowhere. This is the second time a guy withdrew after I suggested a date a few days from now. Boys seem to want everything to happen right away, they can't wait. He did ask me out once again, a day later, buy I declined. It would be pointless.

I wasn't too interested in him, but he _was_ a non-smoker, non-drinker (both extremely rare in my area), employed, not gay, and not married. He didn't look bad, either. I was hoping we would meet.


----------



## SofaKing

veron said:


> I almost got a date from online (it's been like a year since my last date?), but nope... we ended up having an argument. When we talked about meeting up, he suggested "tonight," but I suggested we meet a couple of days from now. He seemed annoyed that I suggested such a late date "are you going on a 5 day vacation?" and we ended up in a bit of an argument that led nowhere. This is the second time a guy withdrew after I suggested a date a few days from now. Boys seem to want everything to happen right away, they can't wait. He did ask me out once again, a day later, buy I declined. It would be pointless.
> 
> I wasn't too interested in him, but he _was_ a non-smoker, non-drinker (both extremely rare in my area), employed, not gay, and not married. He didn't look bad, either. I was hoping we would meet.


Yeah...that seems ridiculous that he wasn't willing to wait a few days. Must have been a player.


----------



## tea111red

I'm still hoping I cross paths w/ this person I met last year again. :/ :stu


----------



## bad baby

@veron lol @ him arguing with you and then asking you out again. but i imagine guys online must have their fair share of flakey girls stringing them along with no intention of a meetup. not that that's any excuse for his behaviour...

-

anyhow. ive been chatting with this guy who's currently away on business. a few days ago i commented on his late reply in a casual non-pushy way - "good to hear from you again!", that sorta thing. so then he asked me if i missed him, and proceeded to ask me out preemptively ... even though he's not due back for another three weeks at least. lolwtf. but i guess it's a good sign...?

ive given it some thought, and it would be easy for guys like him to use work as an excuse to be uninvested and uncommitted further on down the line. and it would be completely valid and justified. i just wish guys/girls/people/space animals could all just be honest about what they are looking for - if it's solely sex i probably won't be interested but still, whatever, i'm cool with it man, i don't judge. but it would save me the trouble of breaking my brain over this stuff. and tbh _i_ don't even know how serious i want my next relationship to be. i'm at an uncertain period in my life right now. i just want to be open to all the possibilities, and find someone else who is, too.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I'm still hoping I cross paths w/ this person I met last year again. :/ :stu


Crossing fingers, toes that you do.


----------



## veron

SofaKing said:


> Yeah...that seems ridiculous that he wasn't willing to wait a few days. Must have been a player.


Yeah, could be.



bad baby said:


> @veron lol @ him arguing with you and then asking you out again. but i imagine guys online must have their fair share of flakey girls stringing them along with no intention of a meetup. not that that's any excuse for his behaviour...


I'm actually thinking of messaging him again, lol... it's not like I'm getting asked out by others, so my options right now are very limited. I didn't mention, he was also kind of upset with me because I "ignored" him for like 20 days. He had sent me a "hey," and I didn't know how to reply to that, so I never did, and then 20 days later I wrote something back to him. I explained why I did that, but he apparently didn't like the explanation. If I do message him again, I think he'll either ignore me, or get extremely pissed (he already thinks I'm just messing with him, but that is not true).



bad baby said:


> [MENTION=23012]
> anyhow. ive been chatting with this guy who's currently away on business. a few days ago i commented on his late reply in a casual non-pushy way - "good to hear from you again!", that sorta thing. so then he asked me if i missed him, and proceeded to ask me out preemptively ... even though he's not due back for another three weeks at least. lolwtf. but i guess it's a good sign...?


Who knows... he sounds interested, but until you meet in person, I wouldn't take him too seriously.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Crossing fingers, toes that you do.


Thanks...me, too.  Unless he forgot about me....if that's the case, then I don't care to see him. :lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> Thanks...me, too.  Unless he forgot about me....if that's the case, then I don't care to see him. :lol


You're welcome. 

I hope he remembers you.


----------



## bad baby

@veron but aren't you talking to other guys on the site as well? im sure you have options, no need to get stuck on one. "hey" strikes me as lazy/unimaginative/a copout, especially if it's not the initial contact. but i guess it couldn't hurt to go for a coffee and see where things lead.

and yeah. im curious to see if we can keep up the daily messaging for the next month until an eventual meetup. it would be a record for me lol. 
also found out i share a class with this other guy ive been talking to on tinder. im surprised he hasn't noticed me - i usually sit in the front row and the professor loooves to use me as an example because im the only asian/chinese person in the class. lolwhatever. i have a feeling my social calendar is gonna explode at the end of next month. x_x


----------



## veron

bad baby said:


> [MENTION=23012]the professor loooves to use me as an example because im the only asian/chinese person in the class


:lol


----------



## SusanStorm

As of now I'm doing nothing to find a boy or man in my case. I've deactivated my last account. Nothing happened there anyway. I think I'm too ugly for that kind of thing.

Not feeling very good about myself lately either, so I'll take a break from it and try to sort myself out. Too bad that's a project that's going on take years. Ugh, sorry about the negativity. 

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

SusanStorm said:


> As of now I'm doing nothing to find a boy or man in my case. I've deactivated my last account. Nothing happened there anyway. I think I'm too ugly for that kind of thing.
> 
> Not feeling very good about myself lately either, so I'll take a break from it and try to sort myself out. Too bad that's a project that's going on take years. Ugh, sorry about the negativity.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


Awww. :hug

Their loss, some other man's gain.


----------



## SusanStorm

ANX1 said:


> Awww. :hug
> 
> Their loss, some other man's gain.


Maybe. We'll see.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

SusanStorm said:


> Maybe. We'll see.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


Ok.


----------



## tea111red

Praying. :hide lol


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> Praying. :hide lol


Mitch oh Mitch, over here.  :grin2:


----------



## veron

Well I did end up contacting the online guy again and he actually replied  We're going on a date tomorrow. This guy is not wasting any time, lol. I'm already nervous...



SusanStorm said:


> As of now I'm doing nothing to find a boy or man in my case. I've deactivated my last account. Nothing happened there anyway. I think I'm too ugly for that kind of thing.
> 
> Not feeling very good about myself lately either, so I'll take a break from it and try to sort myself out. Too bad that's a project that's going on take years. Ugh, sorry about the negativity.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


I deleted OkCupid but kept my other account, only because it's the only place I have the opportunity to meet someone :/ Guys never approach me in real life. But I'm close to deleting the other one as well.


----------



## SusanStorm

veron said:


> Well I did end up contacting the online guy again and he actually replied  We're going on a date tomorrow. This guy is not wasting any time, lol. I'm already nervous...
> 
> I deleted OkCupid but kept my other account, only because it's the only place I have the opportunity to meet someone :/ Guys never approach me in real life. But I'm close to deleting the other one as well.


Yeah, I don't get approached in real life either. Probably because I don't look like I want to be approached. I have a hard time with eye contact and especially with men I find attractive.

So, I don't know what to do. Might just take a break and come back when I'm not feeling as vulnerable as I do now.

Great that you're going on a date. Sounds nerve-wracking lol.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Mitch oh Mitch, over here.  :grin2:


Yeah, I've been praying to be put in a situation where he will need to rescue me from danger and perform CPR. Also praying he will ask me out on a date and that it will be at Carl's Jr. so I can watch him eat a burger in awe. Praying he eventually serenades me w/ one of his songs and that he will ask me to marry him...on the beach...in his red swimsuit.

Just waiting for stuff to unfold now...


----------



## moondaisy

Nothing. I think being in a romantical relationship is the last thing I want now. It would be an unnecessary effort for me to try to meet someone new and get into a relationship, since it won't last forever obviously and it will be a huge waste of time for both myself and the other person.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> Yeah, I've been praying to be put in a situation where he will need to rescue me from danger and perform CPR. Also praying he will ask me out on a date and that it will be at Carl's Jr. so I can watch him eat a burger in awe. Praying he eventually serenades me w/ one of his songs and that he will ask me to marry him...on the beach...in his red swimsuit.
> 
> Just waiting for stuff to unfold now...


 :lol

Very funny. :grin2:


----------



## veron

I just came back from the shortest date in history of mankind... 35 minutes, lol. At first glance, he looked younger and was shorter than I thought he would be. He was actually shorter than me. He looked more buff and tall in his pictures, haha. We didn't talk about our heights, so I can't be too surprised I guess.

He mentioned that he spends the summer months at some tourist resort, where he works all day on the beach and parties all night long ("I slept 1 hour per night on average"). Drinks lots of alcohol. Then he comes back here and sobers up. He's rather quiet and low key - not somebody who strikes me as a 24 hour party boy. There were lots of awkward silences. I asked him questions, but he didn't ask me anything about myself. I'm not sure if he didn't know what to say, or if he just wasn't interested. He did look at his phone often.

Finally, he said he didn't feel like drinking what he ordered, and we left. He then proposed that we hang out at his or my place. I'm not sure if this was an invitation to have sex, LOL. I said no. We then parted our own ways. I don't think I'll be hearing from him again, and I don't care. I'm glad I went I guess. At least I won't be wondering "what if" anymore.


----------



## karenw

35 minutes may be his record lol, his longest date in history.


----------



## veron

^Lol, could be


----------



## bad baby

@veron good for you! also, are you really tall or something?

-

im getting tinder procrastination, where im going through this cycle of logging on and replying to all my msgs (the ones with stuff to respond to, at least), and then within a span of minutes/hours there would be like a dozen replies to all my replies again, and I'm like, damnit i just did this guys give me a break!!

frankly im mainly using it to check in with that guy who's abroad at the moment. although im trying to modulate my excitement when i get a message from him. i mean for all i know it might be a fat bald fifty-year-old drug-trafficking nigerian prince behind the screen. his replies were a bit sporadic for a while, but they seem to be getting quicker these days, which I take as a sign that my magical texting charm is winning ;D

ive kind of promised myself no social life until the end of all my exams (except very occasionally with class friends where we can talk about school stuff. i mean i gotta leave my room sometimes!). that by itself should weed out the guys who have no patience to take the time to get to know me anyway. it's not gonna be fun, but it will be interesting to see what happens.


----------



## TheClown7

Using psychology but i think it's backfiring at me.


----------



## veron

bad baby said:


> @veron good for you! also, are you really tall or something?


Haha I am taller than average, but not in the professional basketball player territory or anything. And he was maybe a bit shorter than average. So yeah.


----------



## bad baby

ok _new_ new year's resolution. after this hellish month is over im gonna start asking guys out. no more sitting around twiddling my thumbs praying hoping for prince charming to fall from the sky and land in my lap.

#proactive


----------



## mudslides

the title of this thread makes me want to shave my head in annoyance. 


I'm doing sweet FA. lol I don't like the thought that I have to -do- something to find someone


----------



## tea111red

starving myself at least... :um


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I'm planning on performing an elaborate occult ritual which will end in my death and when I am reborn on the 7th day I'll come back as a normal functioning Human with no mental health issues, great cheekbones, and with one normal sexuality.


----------



## wildflowers

I just joined OkCupid a few minutes ago. Let's see how this goes.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> starving myself at least... :um


Please don't. :hug


----------



## CaptainPeanuts

wildflowers said:


> I just joined OkCupid a few minutes ago. Let's see how this goes.


OKcupid is OK, and is my second choice over POF. at least they dont have fembots all over the place. POF has lots of them.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Please don't. :hug


I may end up seeing this person I liked last year again after all...I don't want to look worse than the last time they saw me.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I may end up seeing this person I liked last year again after all...I don't want to look worse than the last time they saw me.


Awesome. 

Oh, ok, explains the exercise, etc. 

I hope it goes well if it happens. Go get him Tiger. :grin2:


----------



## tea111red

I'm pretty sure I will screw up the opportunity again, if I end up getting it, though. Can't imagine myself feeling comfortable to think and talk much. 

I may also be very insignificant to him....If I don't sense much interest or see any elevated mood, I'm definitely not going out of my comfort zone and will probably just put things w/ him to rest.

I guess I'll at least feel more at peace.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Awesome.
> 
> Oh, ok, explains the exercise, etc.
> 
> I hope it goes well if it happens. Go get him Tiger. :grin2:


Well, I really started exercising more for me. I started doing it before there was more of a chance of seeing him again.

The starving is mostly for me, too, but possibly seeing him gives me a boost of motivation and more of a sense of urgency.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

Unfinished business, so to speak.

I guess can say you at least "tried". 

You should feel comfortable, safe around someone you love. Their behaviour should make you feel that way. If not, you probably know they are not for you.

In addition, a man can like you but find it hard to express it. Like you fear messing up, so does he and a lot of things go through his mind. Is he good enough for you, are you compatible, will he get rejected if he tried to ask you out, etc. I guess men and women are not too different in the way they think with some things (but there are differences).


----------



## 0589471

There's nothing I can do. If it's not him I don't want anyone. I would rather just be left alone at this point.


----------



## jolene23

Nothing.


----------



## tea111red

Haha. I'm already back to feeling apathetic. :stu


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> There's nothing I can do. If it's not him I don't want anyone. I would rather just be left alone at this point.


What has happened?



jolene23 said:


> Nothing.


I wish that some young man comes along to make you feel better. 



tea111red said:


> Haha. I'm already back to feeling apathetic. :stu


Awwwww. :hug

Sounds like you feel depressed.


----------



## Sumabala

Nothing really. 
But I'm trying to go out more often/ do some things alone to meet new people.


----------



## screamingontheinside

I was in a 4 and half year relationship that was mentally draining, but I couldn't leave for numerous reasons. One being that he was slightly suicidal and I didn't want to be a reason for him to take his life. So eventually he found someone else. After that, because I was mentally drained I decided to just take a step back from people. I don't regret taking a break BUT my SA gotten worse because of it. So getting back out there is HARD!

I've accepted that I may be single for the rest of my life because no guy can find me in my house lol and what I want there aren't a lot of men like that.


----------



## veron

It looks like I have a date this Saturday. From online again. Finally came across a guy who can say something more than "heywhatareyoudoing." He doesn't look bad, either. He mentioned that he has a dentist's appointment soon, and he doesn't have any photos with his teeth showing... so I'm kind of wondering if he has rotten teeth or something, lol. There always seems to be a catch.


----------



## Jasmine Heart

I am not doing anything to get anyone. I have not been in a relationship yet. This is because of my family. I want things to change someday but I don't know what I should do.


----------



## Mabel Pines

Dating is overrated because it is too difficult.


----------



## veron

karenw said:


> Feedback would be good :laugh:


Well, it didn't go as badly as the previous date, lol. All guys I meet from online are much quieter/reserved than they seem to be online... this one included. He didn't look as good as his photo, but good enough I guess. His teeth weren't rotten  Oh, and he was 5 years younger than I thought he was. He said that the app didn't calculate his age correctly. This was a pleasant surprise, because I'm not much into older dudes. He was quite nice, and he paid for my drink and cake, even though I offered to. We didn't seem to have much chemistry though. I doubt I'll be hearing from him again. But if I do, I suppose I'd go on a second date.



Mabel Pines said:


> Dating is overrated because it is too difficult.


Wrong thread dude


----------



## Mabel Pines

karenw said:


> veron said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, it didn't go as badly as the previous date, lol. All guys I meet from online are much quieter/reserved than they seem to be online... this one included. He didn't look as good as his photo, but good enough I guess. His teeth weren't rotten  Oh, and he was 5 years younger than I thought he was. He said that the app didn't calculate his age correctly. This was a pleasant surprise, because I'm not much into older dudes. He was quite nice, and he paid for my drink and cake, even though I offered to. We didn't seem to have much chemistry though. I doubt I'll be hearing from him again. But if I do, I suppose I'd go on a second date.
> 
> It should just happen when it's the right time for you.
> 
> 
> 
> Wanna go on an online date with me?
Click to expand...


----------



## momentsunset

Well recently going out more to coffee shops. That's how I want my next relationship to begin - someone approaching me while I'm reading and drinking my favorite beverage or just chatting in line or something. It may seem basic or lame but I'm pretty much done with the trashiness of online dating sites and bars. Also another thing is upgrading my fashion and keeping in shape - I'm mostly doing it for me but another side effect of that is I've been getting way more head turns. Oh also should mention I'm out for a man not a boy


----------



## brasspetals

I don't know. I've turned down every guy who's come to me irl because of my anxiety. I want to finally let it happen, but it's hard because I'm terrified and just don't believe that anyone could like me like that after they've known me for any length of time.


----------



## AffinityWing

Nothing

I've been increasingly self-conscious about my acne and acne scars though, so I want to get more disciplined with my skin care routine again. 

Maybe learn how to do makeup too, since I always feel so ugly bare-faced.  My face and body must just look too childish. I feel like that's one of the big reasons I'm not attracting any guy, bad social skills aside.


----------



## veron

Mabel Pines said:


> Wanna go on an online date with me?


No


----------



## tea111red

I don't know what to do.


----------



## hoodie

momentsunset said:


> Well recently going out more to coffee shops. That's how I want my next relationship to begin - someone approaching me while I'm reading and drinking my favorite beverage or just chatting in line or something. It may seem basic or lame but I'm pretty much done with the trashiness of online dating sites and bars. Also another thing is upgrading my fashion and keeping in shape - I'm mostly doing it for me but another side effect of that is I've been getting way more head turns. Oh also should mention I'm out for a man not a boy


Coffee shop seems like a cool alternative to a bar to meet people, but it seems weird to loiter around one if you don't really have a secondary thing to do other than drinking coffee. I'm not a student or a writer or programmer or really have much patience for books right now, so I don't really have much of a reason to hang out at one. I guess I could bring my laptop and read reddit and watch youtube like at home, it just seems kinda contrived to do it in public. Like, I would never consider it if it wasn't for the added benefit of possibly meeting someone.


----------



## Blue Dino

Absolutely nothing now. It's kinda hard to do so when the few friends I still see are all one to one interactions. It's not like they will ever invite me out to their group hangouts to meet their other friends. But to be fair, the one I hang out with most is married and is an introvert who only has very few friends. 

Honestly thinking if I should wipe off my pride and crawl back to him...


----------



## momentsunset

hoodie said:


> Coffee shop seems like a cool alternative to a bar to meet people, but it seems weird to loiter around one if you don't really have a secondary thing to do other than drinking coffee. I'm not a student or a writer or programmer or really have much patience for books right now, so I don't really have much of a reason to hang out at one. I guess I could bring my laptop and read reddit and watch youtube like at home, it just seems kinda contrived to do it in public. Like, I would never consider it if it wasn't for the added benefit of possibly meeting someone.


I get what you mean. I guess it doesn't feel that way to me because I love reading and love coffee. Even if I never meet a single guy this way I still won't regret it because I love these things. It also helps my social skills to overhear other people talking in coffee shops so I can get ideas of what "normal people" talk about when I need to socialize. Even if staying around browsing the web on your laptop feels contrived to you, you have to put yourself out there if you want to meet someone and while it would be great for most relationships to just happen naturally I think most of the time it takes someone putting in some effort to do something they probably normally wouldn't do.


----------



## hoodie

momentsunset said:


> I get what you mean. I guess it doesn't feel that way to me because I love reading and love coffee. Even if I never meet a single guy this way I still won't regret it because I love these things. It also helps my social skills to overhear other people talking in coffee shops so I can get ideas of what "normal people" talk about when I need to socialize. Even if staying around browsing the web on your laptop feels contrived to you, you have to put yourself out there if you want to meet someone and while it would be great for most relationships to just happen naturally I think most of the time it takes someone putting in some effort to do something they probably normally wouldn't do.


I agree, I don't think I'm ever going to get a girlfriend without going way out of my comfort zone. Meeting someone naturally is really tough without a large social circle your active in. I think I really need to get better at cold-approaching girls in public, that's the key. I just haven't had the confidence to do it much. I really need to be doing it multiple times a week, instead of a couple times my entire life.


----------



## incognitofreak

I got into much better shape, started looking for more local activities, etc, but I don't really see the point. At my age, most people who want or are capable of serious relationships already have them. I spent my 20's trying to make a couple tough relationships work while others cut their losses and paired off with better matches. The pool of remaining people to pick through for someone to be with long-term who won't drive you crazy in a year is pretty small.


----------



## veron

hoodie said:


> I think I really need to get better at cold-approaching girls in public, that's the key. I just haven't had the confidence to do it much. I really need to be doing it multiple times a week, instead of a couple times my entire life.


Good idea. I wish people cold-approached me. Online dating sucks and the only reason I have a profile is because it's the only time I ever get "approached."


----------



## SusanStorm

Still I am not doing much. Tried being on online dating apps again, but I don't think I should be there. I'm not taking any initiative myself and almost no one is interested in me either. I also dislike that kind of communication. 
In real life I don't think I am open to it at all. The only thing I am getting attention about is my height anyway. 

I think I need to do something about myself first, but I don't know. Every time I talk to someone online I can't believe how selfish they are. They are assuming that I am the one that needs to fit into their life. That's what I was doing in my last relationship, and I'm not interested in doing it again.

I'm also getting fat or feels like it. I feel self conscious because I don't like my body that much, and I want to feel good about myself.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## Kevin001

SusanStorm said:


> Still I am not doing much. Tried being on online dating apps again, but I don't think I should be there. I'm not taking any initiative myself and almost no one is interested in me either. I also dislike that kind of communication.
> In real life I don't think I am open to it at all. The only thing I am getting attention about is my height anyway.
> 
> I think I need to do something about myself first, but I don't know. Every time I talk to someone online I can't believe how selfish they are. They are assuming that I am the one that needs to fit into their life. That's what I was doing in my last relationship, and I'm not interested in doing it again.
> 
> I'm also getting fat or feels like it. I feel self conscious because I don't like my body that much, and I want to feel good about myself.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


Aww you'll find someone :squeeze


----------



## SusanStorm

Kevin001 said:


> Aww you'll find someone :squeeze


I don't think I will right now at least. Not with all the self-hatred I have and just in general struggling with social stuff.

No guy deserves someone who's like that.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## Kevin001

SusanStorm said:


> I don't think I will right now at least. Not with all the self-hatred I have and just in general struggling with social stuff.
> 
> No guy deserves someone who's like that.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


Sometimes you find people when you least expect it .


----------



## SusanStorm

Kevin001 said:


> Sometimes you find people when you least expect it .


My hopes aren't high. Besides I almost never go out, and I don't think he's going to come knocking on my door 

Thanks anyway for the kind words.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## Kevin001

SusanStorm said:


> My hopes aren't high. Besides I almost never go out, and I don't think he's going to come knocking on my door
> 
> Thanks anyway for the kind words.
> 
> Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


*thinks about knocking on your door :laugh:


----------



## SusanStorm

Kevin001 said:


> *thinks about knocking on your door


That's a long trip lol.

Sent fra min HTC One M9 via Tapatalk


----------



## veron

The men in my country are making me feel asexual again. I think I need to travel to some exotic place again if I want to have any chance of finding "love."


----------



## Kevin001

veron said:


> The men in my country are making me feel asexual again. I think I need to travel to some exotic place again if I want to have any chance of finding "love."


Good ole USA :laugh:


----------



## veron

Kevin001 said:


> Good ole USA :laugh:


Lol... I actually would, if travelling there wasn't that expensive. I once chatted briefly with some American guy on OkCupid; he seemed to be perfect for me, both looks-wise and personality-wise. I was wondering why he was single. Would have met up with him in heartbeat if he was a local.


----------



## Shylife2017

I'm still in like with my crush. He may have moved on then maybe so should I. I just think to get a boy I'll have to focus on myself more and pushing forward to do great things in my life. I'm tired of sweating it. When it happens it'll happen.


----------



## Zatch

Cracking open a cold one.


----------



## Sus y

Still not enough. I keep _ frienzoning_ guys because I feel seriously damaged and I'm not meeting new people either; last two guys that could have been interested in me were really urged to have kids and that's a problem, mind you, I never wanted to be used as a making baby machine. Super venting spoiler. It's Monday, my friends, it's the Monday effect plus other things... May not be making much sense or may be very read as contradictory, but whatever, I'm just venting.


* *




What a sad thing is that some women get shamed on for not being married at certain age (as I have had before, as if I'm valueless because I don't have a ring on my finger and a man that stand by my side), but also, it's such a bother that sometimes, we, the single women, get shamed on for flirting and trying to have fun (as I have also had before).

- No, the fact that I'm flirting with you doesn't mean I want to seriously meet you (this is a general you, just in case, not telling this to a particular person, much less to someone from SAS). 
- No, if I'm friendly and want to meet you doesn't mean I'll want to have sex with you, but the fact that I'm a human and have cravings and needs isn't a reason either for you to think I must have shame on for desiring to have a sexuality or for deciding not doing anything about it. 
- No, the fact that I may like you doesn't mean I want to get in a romantic situation with you, can I not just meet you without any further expectation? 
- No, the fact that I'm not dating anyone doesn't mean I'm desperate and will date the first guy that cross my eyes, but doesn't mean either that I'm a picky person with unrealistic expectations.

What if because of me feeling so rotten I think I should not find anyone despite of wanting to do some every now and then? No, that's not either a reason for you to shame me on, that's not a reason for you to mock of me, that's not a reason for you to think I can be a second chance. No matter what many negative things you think of me, I haven't stop being what I believe I am: I'm a lady, I'm a decent person and I'm not less just because I'm clear of what my choices are and I decided to use them, if either is not dating or to use my femininity to try to find someone even so that I think I shouldn't; no, I'm not cruel, I have never denied this to anyone who has gotten an eye on me and they are told in advance what will happen if keep trying to get around: I don't think I can handle to date, anyone.


----------



## 0589471

I used to be this confident, proactive type. I didn't overdo it or throw myself at people, but I was also unafraid to _try_. I would make the effort to talk to, to get to know, and make time with a person and hope that things work out. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. If someone is truly interested in me, that should just show, right? I shouldn't have to do it all myself. I am tired of getting my heart broken and being the only one fighting for it, and being given up on so easily. I watched a friend get married and her future husband could not take his eyes off her the entire time, and his eyes and smile were so genuine and filled with love for her. I realized that...that's what I want. But right now? I just need to be by myself.


----------



## cosmicKitten

I don't know but by golly, it's working


----------



## Mabel Pines

cosmicKitten said:


> I don't know but by golly, it's working


You can easily get me to be your boyfriend.  Just saying.


----------



## Sus y

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> I used to be this confident, proactive type. I didn't overdo it or throw myself at people, but I was also unafraid to _try_. I would make the effort to talk to, to get to know, and make time with a person and hope that things work out. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. If someone is truly interested in me, that should just show, right? I shouldn't have to do it all myself. I am tired of getting my heart broken and being the only one fighting for it, and being given up on so easily. I watched a friend get married and her future husband could not take his eyes off her the entire time, and his eyes and smile were so genuine and filled with love for her. I realized that...that's what I want. But right now? I just need to be by myself.


One day, not so far, you'll have all those nice things and I'm going to send you big virtual "I told you so!".


----------



## 0589471

@Sus y if that is true, I will send you an e-vite to my wedding and you will be a VIP and have your own special e-table up front  :lol :squeeze


----------



## Sus y

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> @Sus y if that is true, I will send you an e-vite to my wedding and you will be a VIP and have your own special e-table up front  :lol :squeeze


That will be great hehe!! I'm looking forward to it now!! :b :yay an e-wedding!!


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

A Toxic Butterfly said:


> I used to be this confident, proactive type. I didn't overdo it or throw myself at people, but I was also unafraid to _try_. I would make the effort to talk to, to get to know, and make time with a person and hope that things work out. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. If someone is truly interested in me, that should just show, right? I shouldn't have to do it all myself. I am tired of getting my heart broken and being the only one fighting for it, and being given up on so easily. I watched a friend get married and her future husband could not take his eyes off her the entire time, and his eyes and smile were so genuine and filled with love for her. I realized that...that's what I want. But right now? I just need to be by myself.


When a man is interested, has his life together, he will put in the effort (why women look for men like that).

Actions speak louder than words. Love is shown by actions, not so much words.

As shown in this at 7:01+ is love -






Finding someone you click with is rare. Some people don't find it, even up to being elderly (I have met a woman like that in hospital).

But I believe there is someone for you. 



Sus y said:


> Still not enough. I keep _ frienzoning_ guys because I feel seriously damaged and I'm not meeting new people either; last two guys that could have been interested in me were really urged to have kids and that's a problem, mind you, I never wanted to be used as a making baby machine. Super venting spoiler. It's Monday, my friends, it's the Monday effect plus other things... May not be making much sense or may be very read as contradictory, but whatever, I'm just venting.
> 
> 
> * *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What a sad thing is that some women get shamed on for not being married at certain age (as I have had before, as if I'm valueless because I don't have a ring on my finger and a man that stand by my side), but also, it's such a bother that sometimes, we, the single women, get shamed on for flirting and trying to have fun (as I have also had before).
> 
> - No, the fact that I'm flirting with you doesn't mean I want to seriously meet you (this is a general you, just in case, not telling this to a particular person, much less to someone from SAS).
> - No, if I'm friendly and want to meet you doesn't mean I'll want to have sex with you, but the fact that I'm a human and have cravings and needs isn't a reason either for you to think I must have shame on for desiring to have a sexuality or for deciding not doing anything about it.
> - No, the fact that I may like you doesn't mean I want to get in a romantic situation with you, can I not just meet you without any further expectation?
> - No, the fact that I'm not dating anyone doesn't mean I'm desperate and will date the first guy that cross my eyes, but doesn't mean either that I'm a picky person with unrealistic expectations.
> 
> What if because of me feeling so rotten I think I should not find anyone despite of wanting to do some every now and then? No, that's not either a reason for you to shame me on, that's not a reason for you to mock of me, that's not a reason for you to think I can be a second chance. No matter what many negative things you think of me, I haven't stop being what I believe I am: I'm a lady, I'm a decent person and I'm not less just because I'm clear of what my choices are and I decided to use them, if either is not dating or to use my femininity to try to find someone even so that I think I shouldn't; no, I'm not cruel, I have never denied this to anyone who has gotten an eye on me and they are told in advance what will happen if keep trying to get around: I don't think I can handle to date, anyone.


It's Tuesday here, so the Monday effect might not work (just joking). :O :grin2:

That wanting to have kids thing is quite common when at settle down age, 25-40+.

It's like that in China, have to be married before 30 for a woman. A man has to have a house or apartment and car to be considered marriage material.

You just be you and the right man will come along.


----------



## tea111red

Leaning towards giving up again, lol.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> Leaning towards giving up again, lol.


Arrroga, woman down, emt needed.  

But suddenly Mitch is onto the scene within minutes. :O :grin2:

Super slow mo run and all. :O


----------



## tea111red

I doubt it. I'm not what men want.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I doubt it. I'm not what men want.


Who says that?

You are awesome.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Who says that?
> 
> You are awesome.


Well, I'm still single, aren't I?


----------



## cosmicKitten

@tea111red just because you're single doesn't mean you're not what men want.  there's so many people in this world, plenty of which are probably itching to meet someone just like you. I know this is easier said than done, and it definitely sounds like a load of BS, but closing your heart off to the possibility of finding love will only make you bitter and jaded.


----------



## Post_Punk_Proclivity

Mabel Pines said:


> You can easily get me to be your boyfriend.  Just saying.


Nice try, Mr. Smooth. &#128514;


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> Well, I'm still single, aren't I?


You are looking for a man with certain things you want which is hard to find. It is better to be single than with the wrong partner for you.


----------



## Zatch

ANX1 said:


> You are looking for a man with certain things you want which is hard to find. It is better to be single than with the wrong partner for you.


Quoted for truth. Speaking from experience _as_ the wrong partner. :rain


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> You are looking for a man with certain things you want which is hard to find. It is better to be single than with the wrong partner for you.


I don't know where to look/go to find a match for me so I've decided to not go out of my way to find someone.

:stu

It is frustrating feeling like I can't do much to find a match, though.

:stu


----------



## tea111red

lol, well, actually I might find someone that I might match w/ at a church or something, but the chances are still really narrow. 

I don't feel comfortable going to church, though.

And even if I did feel comfortable , I'd still have to deal w/ struggling to socialize and getting closer to the person. 

:stu

I don't know.


----------



## tea111red

I guess some people thinking I look like a goth or some satanist stu) because I wear a lot of dark colors, am pale, and have dark hair makes the thought of going into a church feel even weirder. Not feeling wholesome enough, too.

:stu

Don't quite fit in w/ the world or church people. 

:stu


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I don't know where to look/go to find a match for me so I've decided to not go out of my way to find someone.
> 
> :stu
> 
> It is frustrating feeling like I can't do much to find a match, though.
> 
> :stu


Sounds like your match might be a goth type of man. 

Usually it happens when least expect it to happen and have your life in order.


----------



## tea111red

I can't even imagine my life ever being in order at this point. 

I don't know if a person meeting someone when their life is in order is necessarily true, though. 

About goth men...I'm not really attracted to goths because I'm not really a goth. I just wear dark clothes, am pale, and have dark hair. 

My type is the caring type and decent looking. 

....

Thanks for your post, though.

Back to what I've been saying in previous posts....

-exits thread for awhile-


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I can't even imagine my life ever being in order at this point.
> 
> I don't know if a person meeting someone when their life is in order is necessarily true, though.
> 
> About goth men...I'm not really attracted to goths because I'm not really a goth. I just wear dark clothes, am pale, and have dark hair.
> 
> My type is the caring type and decent looking.
> 
> ....
> 
> Thanks for your post, though.
> 
> Back to what I've been saying in previous posts....
> 
> -exits thread for awhile-


When around teen age it doesn't matter as much.

It is just when you both are at a similar level in life when older (both working, have similar interest's, being independent, etc) is what I mean and are ready for a relationship.

Oh, ok. 

You're welcome.


----------



## veron

Nothing.

If I was a cat person, I would have had several cats by now. But I don't want animals in my home. I'm no good with plants either. So what am I supposed to hoard?


----------



## tea111red

don't have the energy to go out of my way to do anything.


----------



## tea111red

tea111red said:


> don't have the energy to go out of my way to do anything.


I've felt this way consistently for so long. :no


----------



## Nekobasu

lisbeth said:


> Right now? Nothin'. Taking a breather from the whole thing.
> 
> I've never successfully _caught_ one of the horrible beasts, but here are a few ways I've met 'em: at nightclubs, at pubs/bars, at university societies and through friends. Dude who stuck around the longest (hardly a success story) I met at a clubnight with a lewd name.
> 
> I don't know what's the best way to go about this stuff. People say though uni/college, clubs/societies or volunteering, but I think all those are bad ideas unless you're really sure it's going to work out. If it doesn't then it's so awkward seeing that person again and it's even more awkward if other people mention it. When I went out with someone I had mutual friends with I regretted it.
> 
> It's easy to meet guys but it's hard to actually keep something up with them. Too much pressure for me.


Meet guys lol you fool. Get off here.


----------



## knauf

tea111red said:


> don't have the energy to go out of my way to do anything.


To many disappointments in your life. And it feels like you have lost the vision of yourself too. That's why you cannot find the basis for developing any meaningful relationship with the men.
I'm curious, can you describe:
*) the guy of your dreams;
*) the average one, with whom you would agree to date and have a relationship;
*) the worst, who would be definitely ignored and avoided by all means necessary?


----------



## tea111red

knauf said:


> To many disappointments in your life. And it feels like you have lost the vision of yourself too. That's why you cannot find the basis for developing any meaningful relationship with the men.
> I'm curious, can you describe:
> *) the guy of your dreams;
> *) the average one, with whom you would agree to date and have a relationship;
> *) the worst, who would be definitely ignored and avoided by all means necessary?


Hmm...

Tall 
Slim w/ some muscle 
Nice hair (prefer dark hair)
Olive skin ...prefer this 
Pleasant enough facial features (lol)
Caring and compassionate
Reliable and trustworthy
Loyal and the faithful type
Tough minded but also tender hearted
Has leadership qualities
Into health and wellness 
Interested in self-improvement 
Believes in God or has an interest in God and becoming more spiritual 
Protective (I don't just mean able to protect physically, if necessary)
Similar sense of humor
Understanding 
Not dumb
In the medical/healthcare field, I think (we'd have this in common)
Can initiate w/ me

I don't know what else right now. I probably forgot some things.

I would only date a guy who was what I wanted or close to it, tbh. :hide


----------



## Duplo

You can try online dating, go to speed dating events, join clubs out of interest, meet guys through education, at the bar, at the coffee shop, through your network, through work and just by going out.

You could also flirt with them.

Good luck


----------



## knauf

tea111red said:


> Hmm...
> 
> Tall
> Slim w/ some muscle
> Nice hair (prefer dark hair)
> Olive skin ...prefer this
> Pleasant enough facial features (lol)
> Caring and compassionate
> Reliable and trustworthy
> Loyal and the faithful type
> Tough minded but also tender hearted
> Has leadership qualities
> Into health and wellness
> Interested in self-improvement
> Believes in God or has an interest in God and becoming more spiritual
> Protective (I don't just mean able to protect physically, if necessary)
> Similar sense of humor
> Understanding
> Not dumb
> In the medical/healthcare field, I think (we'd have this in common)
> Can initiate w/ me
> 
> I don't know what else right now. I probably forgot some things.
> 
> I would only date a guy who was what I wanted or close to it, tbh. :hide


My understanding is that you have described the image of your perfect guy. Okay, let's work with this. Next question: what are you prepared to give in return? What are your qualities that would interest/attract this perfect guy?
P.S. What about the other types?


----------



## veron

It feels like spring... everybody around me seems to be falling in love and getting into new relationships. And my love life is still a barren desert. Online dating is getting me nowhere, I either ignore the guys who message me or end up arguing with them. They all appear so boring and/or stupid. I did come across a rather interesting one yesterday. He said he had a fetish for watching women's hair getting washed... like at a hairdresser's. He promised to buy me chocolate and blow dry my hair into a nice hairstyle if I let him wash my hair. We talked a bit about his fetish. Unfortunately I don't find him physically attractive at all, so I dropped him.


----------



## krokossovsky

For the last few months I've been trying to embrace who I am. For as long as I can remember I've been trying to copy what other people do in an attempt to have something in common with people, and by extension to become friends or have a relationship with them. I'm starting to think that "being yourself" can often be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to making friends or relationships. I have very little in common with very few people meaning that I have nothing to talk about to anybody. It's kind of depressing but I don't know what to do.

I also started going to the gym mainly because I hate my body but secondarily because I want to show that I care about my health (which I've heard is attractive but idk). I did get tinder and some other things but I'm absolutely hopeless when it comes to communicating with people, and I'm short and not attractive, so no further explanation of how that went is needed. I'm trying to make my personality more attractive to people by trying to be better at communicating with people and being interesting but I have no idea how to.


----------



## tea111red

knauf said:


> My understanding is that you have described the image of your perfect guy. Okay, let's work with this. Next question: what are you prepared to give in return? What are your qualities that would interest/attract this perfect guy?
> P.S. What about the other types?


I guess support and companionship. I don't know what about me would make a guy attracted to me or hold his interest.


----------



## Taaylah

Black As Day said:


> I am doing nothing but living my life. I'm not one to seek a guy out because I be in my own little world. This is one reason why I been single and never really dated. I just be in my own carefree world. I'm not phased with relationships.
> 
> It would take a guy to seek me first and me actually liking them back if they are lucky because 99.99% of the time I'm not interested. This is not to say I don't ever want to have a future husband. I'm just waiting for "The One." I'm not up for dating and meeting a lot of guys just to find "Mister Right."


I was in the middle of typing my comment when I read yours. I immediately deleted it because this is exactly what I was going to say lol.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> I guess support and companionship. I don't know what about me would make a guy attracted to me or hold his interest.


Being compatible mainly. Most guys won't go there if there is no compatibility. In some ways we want the best match for you and it prevents us from making the wrong choice and getting hurt, as we don't match the list.

Based on your list, sounds like you want someone from South America, or Italy (spray tan or tanned) which matches the rest of your list.


----------



## tea111red

ANX1 said:


> Being compatible mainly. Most guys won't go there if there is no compatibility. In some ways we want the best match for you and it prevents us from making the wrong choice and getting hurt, as we don't match the list.
> 
> Based on your list, sounds like you want someone from South America, or Italy (spray tan or tanned) which matches the rest of your list.


i still don't know what about me would make a guy be seriously interested.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

tea111red said:


> i still don't know what about me would make a guy be seriously interested.


Some of it is mentioned on your list with funny, etc. What you'll find out if he matches your list, you will most likely will match his list. Strange but true in a lot of cases.

In addition, you would häve to realise that men aren't perfect and make mistakes. It is tolerance for those mistakes and working through those which results in a better person and a stronger relationship (ask @harrison, as he can tell you that and much more from his life experiences with his wife). Relationships are never easy and take work.


----------



## harrison

ANX1 said:


> Some of it is mentioned on your list with funny, etc. What you'll find out if he matches your list, you will most likely will match his list. Strange but true in a lot of cases.
> 
> In addition, you would häve to realise that men aren't perfect and make mistakes. It is tolerance for those mistakes and working through those which results in a better person and a stronger relationship (ask @harrison, as he can tell you that and much more from his life experiences with his wife). Relationships are never easy and take work.


That's very nice of you mate - but I don't think the poor girl would want to be taking advice from a silly old bugger like me. 

Edit: although - what you say about relationships is very true.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

harrison said:


> That's very nice of you mate - but I don't think the poor girl would want to be taking advice from a silly old bugger like me.
> 
> Edit: although - what you say about relationships is very true.


Very humble too. 

You have good advice mate. Credit is due where credit is due.


----------



## knauf

tea111red said:


> I guess support and companionship. I don't know what about me would make a guy attracted to me or hold his interest.


Hey now, just by asking yourself those two simple questions you are already making the first steps in "getting yourself a boy"! See, it's not so hard as you thought, is it?! I'm sure you are a great woman with a lot of "family happiness creation" potential! And I believe you can make it happen. All you need to do is to reorganize you thoughts, your life experience, sort and prioritize your goals, cons and pros and it will work out. Just start with the small: divide men into categories, analyze their cons and pros, find your priorities in them and in your life in general, think on what you can give to your future partner (not in a physical sense as "Oh, I have a vagina and it's priceless for him!"), what he could wish from you, what is acceptable for you in relationship and what is not. But most of all, find a form of your suitable partner! His real life image, not some romantic representation of wishful thinking! With the strengths and weaknesses. Then you will know what to do, because everything else is just a mechanics. Who knows, maybe after this "future partner analysis" you will find out that you are actually into girls. You may think that I'm joking, but I'm not. It's better to find the right way later, than never at all.


----------



## knauf

veron said:


> It feels like spring... everybody around me seems to be falling in love and getting into new relationships. And my love life is still a barren desert. Online dating is getting me nowhere, I either ignore the guys who message me or end up arguing with them. They all appear so boring and/or stupid. I did come across a rather interesting one yesterday. He said he had a fetish for watching women's hair getting washed... like at a hairdresser's. He promised to buy me chocolate and blow dry my hair into a nice hairstyle if I let him wash my hair. We talked a bit about his fetish. Unfortunately I don't find him physically attractive at all, so I dropped him.


Your case is very similar to *tea111red*. You want someone physically attractive? Go to the gym, find an attractive male, ask him if he would like to have sex with you. Have sex with him a lot, be enough pleasant and attractive for him and maybe your relationship will last forever. You want to find someone smart? Repeat the same steps as with the attractive one, with one exception: instead of gym go to the college, university, or some science interest club. You want someone similar or who has so much in common with you? Find yourself a girl. You want to find someone who could be your slave? Evaluate yourself first on whether you have enough "mastering" and "social control" skills at all. If you don't, then I'm sorry, but this option probably is out of the question for you. Maybe if you find someone very miserable, then yes, you could use him/her for your benefit. Otherwise you will be the one who is going to be used, and not the other way around.
My words are rough, bold and not very pleasant to hear. But they are filled with cold rationality, logic and life experience. The life's formula states that you cannot be good in everything. You can be smart, but the smartness is achieved by trading it for something else (examples are: social skills, appearance, physical endurance etc.). You want to find some perfect person? Then you have to be the perfect person yourself, because he/she will look for the same perfection.
So my advice for you *veron* is the same: state your goals, analyze market, analyze what you can have and what you can give, divide men into categories, analyze their real demands, where you can agree, what is unacceptable for you and for them, and then you'll know what to do. The rest is simple mechanics.


----------



## veron

knauf said:


> Your case is very similar to *tea111red*. You want someone physically attractive? Go to the gym, find an attractive male, ask him if he would like to have sex with you. Have sex with him a lot, be enough pleasant and attractive for him and maybe your relationship will last forever. You want to find someone smart? Repeat the same steps as with the attractive one, with one exception: instead of gym go to the college, university, or some science interest club. You want someone similar or who has so much in common with you? Find yourself a girl. You want to find someone who could be your slave? Evaluate yourself first on whether you have enough "mastering" and "social control" skills at all. If you don't, then I'm sorry, but this option probably is out of the question for you. Maybe if you find someone very miserable, then yes, you could use him/her for your benefit. Otherwise you will be the one who is going to be used, and not the other way around.
> My words are rough, bold and not very pleasant to hear. But they are filled with cold rationality, logic and life experience. The life's formula states that you cannot be good in everything. You can be smart, but the smartness is achieved by trading it for something else (examples are: social skills, appearance, physical endurance etc.). You want to find some perfect person? Then you have to be the perfect person yourself, because he/she will look for the same perfection.
> So my advice for you *veron* is the same: state your goals, analyze market, analyze what you can have and what you can give, divide men into categories, analyze their real demands, where you can agree, what is unacceptable for you and for them, and then you'll know what to do. The rest is simple mechanics.


What if I want someone who is both attractive and smart? Oh, and I'm too old to be chasing college boys.


----------



## SplendidBob

knauf said:


> My words are rough, bold and not very pleasant to hear. But they are filled with cold rationality, logic and life experience. The life's formula states that you cannot be good in everything. You can be smart, but the smartness is achieved by trading it for something else (examples are: social skills, appearance, physical endurance etc.). You want to find some perfect person? Then you have to be the perfect person yourself, because he/she will look for the same perfection.


In fact, real life characteristics aren't determined like an RPG with a total cap on positive attributes. Yes, people actually can be attractive, intelligent and have all the good traits. Though you are _more_ right (but still not right) in that the person matching them would _usually_ need to be as high in those positive traits but certainly not always.

i.e. you are implicitly assuming:

1. There is a hard cap on total "awesome person points" and traits use this pool until its run out (actually some people have massive pools and some tiny).
2. Traits that people consider valuable are universal and quantifiable.
3. Attraction works only on the basis of these quantifiable and universal traits.

Exceptions to your rule (person who has amazing traits):

Someone who has low self esteem and doesn't know they are amazeballs in every other way
Someone who greatly values some traits and doesn't give a **** about others (e.g. they may value someone super intelligent and not care about looks)
Someone who could be amazeballs but hasn't achieved that yet
Someone who just randomly falls in love with someone and doesn't know why
Someone who is so amaze, they are at one tail of the normal distribution and there is nobody in their vicinity who matches them in amaze
Someone who really ****ing likes noses at a certain angle more than anything else

and so on.

Probability wise you are right though, if someone wants to find someone with amazing characteristics, they need to have pretty good characteristics themselves. I don't think anyone (except incels and some male posters here) don't realise this though.

Interestingly, I wonder if 1 might be why internet "nice guys" say they are nice, but aren't. i.e. they aren't attractive, assume a RPG model of positive trait allocation and therefore assume they must be nice lol.


----------



## knauf

veron said:


> What if I want someone who is both attractive and smart? Oh, and I'm too old to be chasing college boys.


Oh, but I'm sure you are young enough to "drop someone" just because you "don't find him physically attractive at all". Look, *veron*, it's very simple. My words are just wind and the chances for making some difference are very low. You can search for someone who is both attractive, smart, rich, strong, caring, dependable, has a wonderful family and God knows else qualities in him. It's in your rights to be as demanding as you want to be. Just don't forget to be honest with yourself, you know. Say it loud and clear to yourself: "I want to build a relationship with someone who is ... (list of qualities goes in here). And I'm prepared to live my life utterly alone if I won't find that kind of person.". It's very simple, is it not?!


----------



## veron

knauf said:


> Oh, but I'm sure you are young enough to "drop someone" just because you "don't find him physically attractive at all".


Oh, is there an age cut-off after which you're supposed to ignore looks and settle for people you find ugly? I didn't know that.



knauf said:


> It's very simple, is it not?!


No, I don't get what you're saying at all. But whatever


----------



## knauf

BeardedMessiahBob said:


> In fact, real life characteristics aren't determined like an RPG with a total cap on positive attributes. Yes, people actually can be attractive, intelligent and have all the good traits. Though you are _more_ right (but still not right) in that the person matching them would _usually_ need to be as high in those positive traits but certainly not always.
> 
> i.e. you are implicitly assuming:
> 
> 1. There is a hard cap on total "awesome person points" and traits use this pool until its run out (actually some people have massive pools and some tiny).
> 2. Traits that people consider valuable are universal and quantifiable.
> 3. Attraction works only on the basis of these quantifiable and universal traits.
> 
> Exceptions to your rule (person who has amazing traits):
> 
> Someone who has low self esteem and doesn't know they are amazeballs in every other way
> Someone who greatly values some traits and doesn't give a **** about others (e.g. they may value someone super intelligent and not care about looks)
> Someone who could be amazeballs but hasn't achieved that yet
> Someone who just randomly falls in love with someone and doesn't know why
> Someone who is so amaze, they are at one tail of the normal distribution and there is nobody in their vicinity who matches them in amaze
> Someone who really ****ing likes noses at a certain angle more than anything else
> 
> and so on.
> 
> Probability wise you are right though, if someone wants to find someone with amazing characteristics, they need to have pretty good characteristics themselves. I don't think anyone (except incels and some male posters here) don't realise this though.
> 
> Interestingly, I wonder if 1 might be why internet "nice guys" say they are nice, but aren't. i.e. they aren't attractive, assume a RPG model of positive trait allocation and therefore assume they must be nice lol.


Well, I was just stating the facts on how the majority of people thinks and nothing more. Everything you were saying is true, except it works only for the precious few. The rest of us are destined to meet an average person. And this average person is only concerned with simplifying everything as much as possible. Because for him or for her the real life is a hustle, and there is no time for some stupid things like exploring human personalities, reaching out or finding a compromise. Why oh why, someone has to bother to think for him/herself and not just accepting the society's point of view? I mean, it is so easy to put a label on someone, to quantify according some universal traits and be done with it. Thus, you don't have to think, you don't have to doubt, to search or even to act. Everything is simple, efficient and ready to be consumed.
So the real question for most of us is what to do next. Am I an optimist, who is readily prepared to search for some "amazeball" even though the probability of finding that kind of person is low? Or am I a realist, who understands that he/she has to find the way how to deal with one of the majority's representative? One way or the other, each of us has to make his/her own decision and be responsible for that.
As for Mr. Perfect seeks Mrs. Perfect... Tell me Bob, do you think that perfection is passed from person to person through genes, or is it acquired through the hard work? Without a doubt, the natural beauty comes with the genes. But even if you are naturally beautiful, it doesn't mean that you have a great appearance or talent for expressing it. So eventually, in my opinion, everything comes to the amount of experience, the quality of environment and the hard work. This is why it is reasonable to assume that Mr.Perfect will look for Mrs. Perfect and not some random chick whose only trait is to be "lucky".


----------



## Taaylah

Um, this might not be relevant to this thread, but I don’t know where else to put it. I’m not doing anything to get a boy, it’s kind of the opposite. I received a text two weeks ago from an ex. The timing was weirdly coincidental because I had dreamt about him a few nights before. It’s been two years since I’ve seen him so I haven’t thought about him in a while which made the dream all the more random. The relationship ended weird (if you could even call it that, it lasted two months lol). His job moved him 7 months earlier than anticipated to a different state. Neither of us talked about what we thought we should do (end things because there’s no point being several states away or keep seeing each other). I texted him the day before he left but he never replied, so he basically ghosted me and I took that as my answer. 

Six months later right as I was starting to forget about him he texts me out of the blue with a weak a$s “hi”. Insulted by the fact that he thought I’d reply after all that time to someone who straight up ignored me and that the text had zero effort I didn’t reply. Fast forward to a week ago (it has now been two years !) and he texts me out of the blue again. This time he says he hopes I’m doing well. Annoyed that he keeps bothering me and won’t let sleeping dogs lie I take the bait and ask why he keeps contacting me. He says he thinks about me a lot and was sad he had to leave so suddenly. He didn’t know how to leave and didn’t want to upset me (?), and he didn’t want things to end between us (??). He said he knows he didn’t handle it correctly, thinks about it a lot and wanted to get it off his chest. 

By this point I had forgotten about him aside from the dream a couple of nights before, so it was pretty arrogant of him to think I still cared about a two month relationship that had happened two years ago. I made my reply more blunt than I usually would so he’d get the point and stop putting out the feelers once a year, but now I feel a little guilty and that maybe my reply was immature. I do feel like the whole situation (relationship?) was kind of murky and unclear, and part of that was my fault. Because of SA my actions were confusing and made me seem hot and cold, so I could see why he would’ve been nervous to broach the subject. I still think it’s kind of weird and desperate to be reaching out to me after all this time (the relationship was not that serious and we weren’t very compatible so it would’ve ended anyway), but maybe I will reach out and say all’s forgiven and it’s water under the bridge.


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

I'm watching videos on youtube about "How 2 Send A Telepathetic Message" and trying to send one to my crush.


----------



## veron

Recently I saw 2 of my coworkers on the online dating site I'm on. Both were surprises, because I thought they were going steady with their girlfriends. One of them is quite young and has been dating his gf for what sounds like forever. I remember him telling me about his gf wanting them to find an apartment and move in together. He was kind of reluctant about that, because he's the only one with a job. She's still a student and has no income. I thought they would get married one day. He still has photos of them on his facebook. I wonder if these online profiles mean that they broke up with their girlfriends or are they looking for something "on the side," lol.

The other one, I kind of had a crush on and felt that he liked me too, but he had a girlfriend. I saw that he "liked" me this morning. I was wondering whether he did that by accident (as most guys "like" everyone). This evening I decided to return the like, but when I logged in, he either deleted his profile, or he blocked me, because I don't see him anymore.


----------



## veron

The other coworker "liked" me as well. I'm pretty sure it was a mistake, as he never showed any sign of interest in me. Today, Friday, I stayed overtime. He kind of lingered at my open space, saying how he didn't feel like going home. He sat down next to me and helped me solve a problem I was working on. A whole bunch of coworkers had gone out for drinks, and they had invited him as well. While him and I were working together, he got a call from one of them at the bar, who told him that they already ordered a drink for him and urged him to come along, lol. I don't know why he stayed so long and helped me. My gut feeling tells me he's not interested in me in the least, but still, things like this make me wonder... lol


----------



## Taaylah

Literally everything wrong. Not opening up about myself at all, taking forever to text back, and when he pulls away making more of an effort, then repeating the cycle again.


----------



## Reverie101

calichick said:


> 5) CHARISMA
> 
> A nice face is a dime a dozen, what sets a rare girl apart is, my favorite word, *CHARISMA*.
> 
> Charisma is being able to go white water rafting as one of the guys.
> Charisma is being able to hold a mentally * stimulating* discussion with him about the effects of evolution on our psychological development.
> Charisma is having an independent life with your own career and friends.
> Charisma is having a hobby that you're so passionate about that you can't go on a date with him tomorrow because you're busy doing it.
> Charisma is being a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.
> 
> Those are my tips. Sadly enough to say, I would put it out there that it's 70% Physical 30% all the rest because men often times rely on their physical impression of you to make a judgment on what type of woman you are so it may be hard for a lesser endowed women to assert herself or be in control of the situation.


Hmm I had no idea thats what Charisma was. I always though charisma was being a people magnent being able to draw people in without much effort. Never knew it could be learned thought it was innate..

but some other things you said was really interesting...


----------



## Reverie101

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> I'm watching videos on youtube about "How 2 Send A Telepathetic Message" and trying to send one to my crush.


Im dead lol


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

Reverie101 said:


> Im dead lol


Spoiler alert...it didnt work


----------



## Reverie101

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Spoiler alert...it didnt work


Its okay *hugs*


----------



## andy1984

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Spoiler alert...it didnt work


yeah i didn't get the message . keep trying.


----------



## bad baby

Reactivate Okcupid. Set location to Paris. Check back within the day to extra couple hundred likes. Match with most of the ones I liked. They all seem intellectual and mysterious (and _hot_)... or maybe everything just sounds smarter in French, I mean I'm not paying close attention to the profiles y'know. _Lots_ of Japanophiles, probably some who mistook me for Japanese but hey that works in my favor probably. Just think. If I lived there, how many très cool pretentious classy gorgeous model-looking roguish hipsters named Romain could I be banging?? Too many to count, man.

The guys over here are hot too but many of 'em've got no fashion sense and shxt for brains yo.


----------



## truant

Eliminating the competition.

(No truant, not with your outside voice.)


----------



## bad baby

Realllly hot guy ~1 hour away on Tinder. Also matched with him a couple years ago the first time round when I used the app. Chatted briefly, he went to my hometown for uni and seemed to have enough Chinese for ordering beer and picking up lulz. Had that "here for a good time not for a long time" line in profile, which, I mean there's nothing wrong with looking for a hookup but at least have some class and originality in the way you go about it...?! Besides I'm pretty sure being on Tinder for a long time is damaging to one's mental health regardless of what you're looking for. Still hot though.


----------



## TheFighterStillRemains

Nothing. Just been focusing on healing and achieving my goals. There's more to life than being in a relationship or sex.


----------



## Fun Spirit

I'm not doing anything. I never been one to "seek" or even to date. I'm not up for getting to know multiple of men though the dating progress.
I just hate the idea of being with a guy who I don't consider a best friend. I like the idea of that childhood sweetheart thing where it first started off as being friends and then it transition into something deeper and then eventually into something romantic and then the next stage after that. It would feel soild for me because I would feel like the person have been with me through thick and thin and vice versa. We would know each other. I wouldn't have to guard my heart because there would be trust. It would feel like a forever bond.


Sadly this seem to exist in movies and in books.


----------



## Mondo_Fernando

@Fun Spirit

That happened with a female friend I knew, where had a childhood sweetheart that disappeared and appeared years later (contacted her online). Last I heard they were moving in together, having a kid. So it does happen.


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

I'm on Okcupid and Tinder and messaging guys that seem cool to me.


----------



## wittyusernamehere

I've only just decided that I'm interested in being in a long term serious relationship. I'm not really doing anything special to attract anyone. I'm just being more open to meeting new guys now and getting to know people.


----------



## SASsier1

I go through periods of thinking I should try to "get a boy," and periods when I truly don't care. By now, I should be permanently not caring. It's never going to happen for me. 

But yeah, methods I've tried to "get a boy": prayer, fortune telling, subliminals, Law of Attraction, spells, crystals, pheromones, etc. 

Still considering plastic surgery and/or fillers, though those are unlikely to be successful in my case. Need to looksmaxx.


----------



## Cool Ice Dude55

I'm on Bumble and i take 3-5 working days to get back to anyone on there.

I'm also listening to subliminals to attract my crush.


----------



## Shy extrovert

Admittedly not much, just trying to make plans with the ones that show interest. My social awkwardness kicks in sometimes and really halts progression on things, I hope this time if I manage another relationship I will be able to show more emotion and dedication 🙂


----------



## veron

Nothing. My aim now is to get a cat.


----------



## WillYouStopDave

veron said:


> Nothing. My aim now is to get a cat.


 I can meow and lay on the couch all day. :lol


----------



## veron

WillYouStopDave said:


> I can meow and lay on the couch all day. :lol


Lol... Are you stalking me?


----------



## WillYouStopDave

veron said:


> Lol... Are you stalking me?


 I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean but that was supposed to be a joke. Stalking is not a joke.


----------



## TopShelfHeart

Been talking to this guy for a while and finally meeting up this Tuesday. I hope it goes well lol


----------



## Shyy22

Nothing lol there’s this guy who works at my local grocery store and he’s really attractive and I really wanna make conversation but it’s difficult bc he doesn’t seem interested so I just gave up 😕


----------



## truant

Reincarnating.


----------



## scooby

Girl with a pen said:


> I have no interest or experience in this, but in case anyone isn't aware of it, you should check r/femaledatingstrategy before getting involved with guys.


That sub reads like a female version of MGTOW


----------



## truant

Committing a major felony might solve both my housing problems and my dating problems.


----------



## Rumplesty

Nothing. Unless someone asks me then I'm not getting into any relationships any time soon.

Majority of relationships have their love fad and are full of infidelity and other types of drama. I don't see how they're so fulfilling like I understand wanting to be loved by someone unless but there's always a risk to it. I don't think I can take that risk.


----------



## aqwsderf

Existing lol

Nah I guess I'm not really trying. I'm also scared to get attached to people cause I don't want to get hurt when I lose them.


----------



## CNikki

"What are you doing to get a boy?"

Nothing. I don't date minors.


v That too.


----------



## Elle Knight

Nothing. Just doing me that’s all.


----------



## hayes

I might shave my legs but that's about it.


----------



## veron

I've been assigned to collaborate (from home) with another coworker today, and we talked over Skype. Daaamn he's got a sexy voice. I'm finding it kind of hard to concentrate on what he's actually saying... ops Thank god these are not video calls, lol


----------

