# Extremely attracted to older guys.....



## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

So as you can see I'm 18, and well I'm really attracted to guys that are late 20s, 30s, up until early 40s...And well the guy I met online is 35 (don't worry I was the one that picked him)....there's just something about them that does it for me that guys at my college don't. :sigh I personally think I'm mature, I mean I'm definitely not the average, superficial 18 year old, do you think 35, 18 (almost 19) is too big of a gap? ....I don't feel like a teenager, I don't look like a teenager...What are your opinions on older guys/younger girl relationships?

But I cannot even describe how I feel about older guys, you have no clue, it's not some juvenile phase, my heart seriously crumbles to pieces just being around older guys, it's why I love waking up early to be with the work crowd :lol I don't feel this way at all with people my own age. Also my relationship with my father is non-existent so that might explain how I feel..


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

No, I've always been attracted to older men. I honestly don't think I've ever been attracted to anyone in my age group. Older man/younger woman relationships appear to be fairly common. I would much rather date someone 20 years older than me than someone my age. I would date someone in my age group, it just isn't my preference.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

Drella said:


> No, I've always been attracted to older men. I honestly don't think I've ever been attracted to anyone in my age group. Older man/younger woman relationships appear to be fairly common. I would much rather date someone 20 years older than me than someone my age. I would date someone in my age group, it just isn't my preference.


How old are you? Have you ever been in a relationship with one?


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I'm in my early-mid 20s, and no. I wish one would date me, though. That'd be great.


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## recycled (Sep 2, 2008)

No offense, but it's common for young girls to feel they're mature for their age when in reality they're acting and behaving just their age. I think it will be wise to wait until you're at least 21 if you want to pursue a relationship with someone twice your age.

I personally prefer the company of someone my age (give or take 5 years) because I feel that we are more likely to be on the same wavelength that way. We're from the same generation, we've seen the same TV shows, we worry about the same things, etc. I also feel than an older man will be attracted to a young girl only physically, which I personally find offensive.

Just my two cents.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

Drella said:


> I'm in my early-mid 20s, and no. I wish one would date me, though. That'd be great.


haha I'm glad one person sees eye to eye with me.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I think it depends on the people. I think it could work for some couples, and not for others. I never thought I would disapprove of something like that but I knew someone 18 who was dating someone 40 and I admit it, I thought it was weird. But I think overall, it just depends on the particular couple, like a lot of other factors that could affect any relationship. And even though you say you don't feel like one, I'd probably be wary of the teenager aspect of the whole desire to date mature guys. Hell I'm still worried about it, and I'm almost 21.

I've always been drawn to a guy that is decently older, it's rare for me to be initally attracted to a guy my age. But to be honest I doubt I'd ever pursue a relationship with a significant age gap, because I doubt I'd be able to pull it off.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

Anyways, I've made an exception for him...he's got the whole package actually, (I ask myself why he's interested in me, he's so out of my league, career, looks, etc) but I don't know if it will actually start because I'm incapable of intimacy


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

^May be true, but certainly, definitely not in my situation. When I first started talking to him actually he mistook me as a wild child and he's like if that's what you're looking for (lifestyle) it won't work because he isn't much into the bar/club scene...I think he's just a workaholic...I *told* him already about my situation, about lack of social life, about my life revolving around school, how I don't drink, don't do drugs and he was more interested..I mean he's a decent guy. I'm in college, goal-oriented, planning to make something of my life, if you meet me, you'd think I myself was in my late 20s...based on looks/personality..It doesn't hurt that I'm near 6 feet Lol!

But hey I'm not talking marriage here, I mean if you're looking for someone who provides you with something you need- security- and you can give them something they want, why not? Mutual understanding right, temporary satisfaction. I'm definitely not in the point in my life where I'm thinking long-term.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

xTrappedx said:


> career, looks, etc


That might be it. Older guys tend to be more mature, already have a career, stable, knows what they want, experienced, etc.. Not all guys of course, but it's certainly an attraction for a younger girl.

I don't think the age gap is too big. I would actually be envious of someone my age dating a younger person.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

For all the ladies who are hot for old guys, please keep in mind that I'm 35 and available.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

karl :lol nice



> I mean if you're looking for someone who provides you with something you need- security- and you can give them something they want, why not?


so its mainly his money that attracts you?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

No sugar daddies :no.

You will be on two different wavelengths. It won't work.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

im curious. do you guys think its an infatuation when a younger woman is attracted to an older man? any ladies here who have actually gone out with an older man in their youth?

i mean what can a 30-40 year old man possibly offer a girl that is 18-21?


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## recycled (Sep 2, 2008)

The belief that she's a woman and not a girl.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

> What are your opinions on older guys/younger girl relationships?


As you can see, you'll find that most people here condemn the very idea. Why, I don't know, because what does age matter if the two parties involved are happy with one another?

Do whatever YOU want. Nevermind the nay-saying - you'll run into that sort of stuff any time you walk off the beaten path, which is what you're doing here. (Most people are afraid to stray from what's considered "normal".) You're not wrong. He's not wrong. Do what you want. Take whatever normal precautions you'd take in ANY relationship and go for it.


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## recycled (Sep 2, 2008)

Just Lurking said:


> > What are your opinions on older guys/younger girl relationships?
> 
> 
> As you can see, you'll find that most people here condemn the very idea. Why, I don't know, because what does age matter if the two parties involved are happy with one another?


Would you say the same if she was 14 and he was 19?

A teenager is a child in a grown-up's body. Most people won't completely mature (emotionally and mentally) until they're 21. This is why I advised OP to wait a few more years before she does something she will not be proud of later. Sometimes listening to others (instead of doing what you want because you can) won't hurt you.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

nubly said:


> i mean what can a 30-40 year old man possibly offer a girl that is 18-21?


Maturity, maybe? When I was that age, I was attracted to older men; I could never deduce an absolute reason why, but it may be my perception of young men. I've always been treated with hostility and rudeness by males my own age, but older men tend to be very respectful and nice to me. I don't deal with 40-somethings yelling, "show me yo' titties!" And I've also never had one spit on me, shove me to the ground, get right in my face to tell me how ugly I am, or taunt me in public. With younger guys, it's a completely different story. I think that's what shaped my attraction; I had negative experiences with a lot of males my age, and I hoped older men would be different. These experiences may have diminished my attraction to young guys in general, and, perhaps, heightened my attraction to older gentlemen. Now, it is very rare that I feel a tangible attraction to a male in my age group, physically or otherwise. It really has nothing to do with money, or the illusion that I'm a woman and not a girl (I'm 23, so I think I would probably qualify as a woman now.. congratulate me later). Again, that's not to suggest that I completely rule out ever dating someone my own age, it's simply that significantly more of the men I'm attracted to fall beyond my age group. If a guy my age asked me out, I would say no. If an older man asked me out, I would still say no, but I would at least consider it.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

recycled said:


> Would you say the same if she was 14 and he was 19?


Yes, but that would be the limit.

My stance on the matter is pretty much equal to the law here in Canada. The legal age is 16, and those aged 14 or 15 have a "five-year rule" where if the older party is within five years, it's also legal (so 19/14 and 20/15 is OK).



recycled said:


> A teenager is a child in a grown-up's body. Most people won't completely mature (emotionally and mentally) until they're 21.


Well that's just it. "Most" people. Not "all" people. I agree that if you put a random 18 y/o together with a random 35 y/o, they're most likely going to encounter some significant differences. But the very fact that she's here talking about it like this suggests (I think) that she has a higher than average maturity level.

Be skeptical. Be careful. But don't rule it out if it's what you _really_ want.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

:S


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## littlesongbird (Jan 20, 2008)

*---*

---


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## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

My opinion is...well, yeah...not feeling it.


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## rocky (Oct 14, 2006)

blossom said:


> recycled said:
> 
> 
> > I personally prefer the company of someone my age (give or take 5 years) because I feel that we are more likely to be on the same wavelength that way. We're from the same generation, we've seen the same TV shows, we worry about the same things, etc. I also feel than an older man will be attracted to a young girl only physically, which I personally find offensive.
> ...


:ditto
I would be very cautious. Older men often view much younger women as trophies. While I don't know the guy well enough to make a judgement, I've seen it enough that I would be suspicious.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

Hmm...I don't know. I briefly dated someone 9 years older than me, and that was too big of an age difference. I was 21 at the time though. Maybe at this point in my life, it is more likely to work.
I know of someone who is 23, and she was dating a guy who I believe was 46ish, not sure exactly but in his 40s. It weirded me out seeing them together but I tried not to judge, except in this particular situation it was hard not to. I knew something wasn't right. She was vulnerable and I'm sure he was taking advantage. Well they both were in different ways. I'm not saying it could never work, but eventually differences related to age are going to come up, especially in the long run. I see that with my grandparents who are almost 20 years apart. Also with my ex husband's aunt and uncle. She married one of her professors who was much older.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I think it's fine if that's what both people want and they're both of age (18+)...if you're both adults and like each other then it should be your own decision.

As for me though I always found it a bit creepy when old men liked me. But everyone is different.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

nubly said:


> karl :lol nice
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It's not "mainly" the thing that attracts me but it definitely factors in somewhere in there. His status also doesn't hurt as well...And I meant emotional security, not only financial security.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

nubly said:


> im curious. do you guys think its an infatuation


Yes. It is for me.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> No sugar daddies :no.


I want one! One foot in the grave, one on a banana peel! :haha
J/k... :b


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

:sigh I'm depressed.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

xTrappedx said:


> :sigh I'm depressed.


 :hug


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

This is an issue that provokes a strong reaction with me, because I have a good friend who's 23 and dating an older guy. She tells me all the time "He's too old for me," but for a lot of reasons, including shyness and low self-esteem, she won't get rid of him. (Also, when I was 21, a 30 year old guy was interested me, and I wasn't ready to deal with it). 

Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's a good idea. If you had an 18 year old sister/daughter/best friend who wanted to date someone 35, what would you advise her? 

As well, becoming an adult is a life-long process, and not something that magically happens when you're 18. I remember being 18, going off to college in a new city, and feeling powerful, in control, and completely grown-up. Well, I'm 23 now, and looking back, I can see how immature I sometimes acted. And I bet when I'm 30, I'm going to look back and understand what a baby I was at 23. 

You can be intellectually mature at 18, 19, 20. You can debate philosophy and grasp complex math- but it doesn't mean you're emotionally mature. Someone 19 has only been an adult for 1 year. Your response to dramatic crises and major decisions won't be the same as someone who's been an adult for 17 years. 

Finally, someone asked "what can a 30-40 year old man possibly offer a girl that is 18-21?" I think another question to ask is "What can an 18 year old offer a 30-40 year old man?"


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## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

I personally think it would be very sketchy, but thats just me. If my 18 year old sister came home with a 40 year old man or something, I would not even know what to say, and be very weirded out.


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## recycled (Sep 2, 2008)

jane said:


> "What can an 18 year old offer a 30-40 year old man?"


Legal sex. Duh.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

I'd be weirded out if someone I knew was 18 and had a 35 year old boyfriend. I'd honestly think something is wrong with the picture. If they were 25, or so who cares really, but 18 there's still so much you haven't done or experienced so yeah I can't see that really working. 
Yeah anyways, so are you really that mature? If so that sucks for you, because being 18 and being able to still act stupid and immature is pretty awesome I miss it.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

I dont think it matters anymore, its not going anywhere... once again social anxiety comes to my "rescue"..but if I did have the guts..who knows what may have happened.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

xTrappedx said:


> nubly said:
> 
> 
> > karl :lol nice
> ...


How does his status bear any worth in how he can make you happy emotionally?

You are treating this man as if he is a product, not a human being. When dating or being romantically involved with others, you should expect that person to fulfill your needs emotionally, not materially.

This man will never be able to appreciate you as a woman or respect you as such because in the eyes of a man who is 20 years your senior, you are a girl to him and a sex object. That's only the best case scenario as well.

Men who are attracted to significantly younger women are often plagued by poor self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth. They turn to such young women because women within their own age group pose a threat, their standards are higher and their judgement is more developed. A girl on the other hand is far more vulnerable, impressionable, and more likely to accept a man. Men with issues of insecurity will often seek out young women (girls) because of this reason.

For the girl on the other hand, her reason for attraction to the old man is for almost the same reasons. Old men offer them a sense of security through their projection as a fatherly figure. They see the older man as a provider, someone who offers security, and can offer them the direction that they so desperately seek in their own lives. The entire relationship from both ends is completely built upon a foundation of low self-esteem. Most women and most men seek partners within their own age group because they are looking for exactly that, a partner, not a mother or fatherly figure.


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## lurkbc (Sep 1, 2008)

//


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

You know I don't quite buy into the typical family/relationship structure thing anymore...I've grown up with VERY INDEPENDENT women (my mom, my aunt, my grandmother), who do not rely on men at all (my grandmother is the only one that's still married) and nothing is off limits to me really........Life is an adventure, not some predetermined layout of what you should and should not do...I'm not looking for a partner or a father-figure (God no, I HATED my dad- I was actually happy to only have my mom around, sort of like the Freudian Oedipus complex right), to put it quite simply, I'm just relying on my "natural instincts"  and I'm 100% aware I have low self-esteem but that is not the reason why I like older men, it is the obstacle to getting with one. I am simply attracted to them, and there are factors that build that attraction..it's not that psychologically deep.

And hey what if the guy just isn't attracted to women his age? You said men who are attracted to women significantly younger are "plagued by low self-esteem" but I think you just categorized a whole gender there :lol Most of them just don't act on it, because of what society has established as decent and right....yet I think sexual desires aren't something to condemn. But hey what do I know right, I'm only 18.


colonelpoop said:


> How does his status bear any worth in how he can make you happy emotionally?
> 
> You are treating this man as if he is a product, not a human being. When dating or being romantically involved with others, you should expect that person to fulfill your needs emotionally, not materially.
> 
> ...


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

pariahgirl said:


> Yeah anyways, so are you really that mature? If so that sucks for you, because being 18 and being able to still act stupid and immature is pretty awesome I miss it.


...I have social anxiety and OCD......I've never intentionally acted stupid/immature since middle school....and when I do I mentally chastise myself for it...I took a psychological survey at age 15 on what your maturity level is at, and got age 25...I'm only 18 and half-way done with college. Referring to what someone said earlier: I am not a "child stuck in a grow-up's body" I am...in fact an adult. :\ Scary isn't it.

This sort of applies- I met a 28-year-old woman a few weeks ago in my Accounting course and we are on the EXACT same "wave-length"..I know it's not a romantic relationship but a friendship, but you can compare....(and we've became REALLY good friends in a matter of weeks). Due to some drawbacks she had early in her life, she is in my year..and you wouldn't be able to tell she was a decade older than me, I mean I thought she was 19 before she told me her age...The *circumstances* can always change any preconceived notion you may have about something.


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## recycled (Sep 2, 2008)

xTrappedx said:


> But hey what do I know right, I'm only 18.


You're right, there are things you will never understand when you're 18 no matter how many times you've heard them before (and should I add, no matter how many A's you have on your transcript). I don't know why I bothered, I've hit a brick wall before.

I didn't want to say this earlier because I didn't want to be a total jerk (God knows I tried to be subtle about it), but it's easy to see from your posts that you are NOT as mature as you think. You sound just like an 18-year-old. You have the mindset of an 18-year-old. Your interests are that of the average 18-year-old. Somehow, I really doubt you would be mistaken for a 25-year-old around here.

I think I'm going to leave this thread now. Everything that needs to be said has been said (a couple other posters said what I couldn't have said better). I think I speak for many people when I say we're not trying to put you down, we're only trying to prevent you from doing something you'll regret. Hey, we were 18 once. We know how it was like to feel like we were on top of the world.

However, it IS your life and you ARE legally an adult, so do what you want and live with the consequences. I'm just glad the biggest mistake I made when I was 18 was something along the line of buying a Maroon 5 CD, nothing that would actually have any long-term emotional effect on me. God bless all those middle-age men who can't get a woman their own age to sleep with them. Younger girls have always been less picky and more eager to please.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

recycled said:


> God bless all those middle-age men who can't get a woman their own age to sleep with them. Younger girls have always been less picky and more eager to please.


Yea that was a pretty *****y thing to say honestly

Believe me, I , ME, I was the one after HIM. And I AM EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY picky, to the point where I've rejected pretty much every guy in real life.

Hm let's see

-I'm 18
-I am socially ill.

vs him

-he's REALLY good-looking typical business exec look,
-he's in MANAGEMENT and has nation-wide firms under his control.
-He's in the prime of his age.

You're wrong in that I am not less picky but you're right about one thing: I would definitely, definitely be all TOO eager to please him, but it isn't a sex forum so we'll leave it at that.

I didn't see one thing I said that made me sound immature, but if you want to see my teenage personality then fine...............
:love :evil I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad to be 18 for oh too obvious reasons. I would not want to be 25, nor 35, nor 45 God forbid that day is just around the corner. Your bitterness makes me love my age and my innocence even more. You think the guy has all the power? I'm just a naive little girl whose being taken advantage of? Uh think again Ahaha, us young girls, we can wield our youth to get us almost anything we want. And it's f***ing fabulous.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

.


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## narcolepsy (Aug 21, 2008)

Jesus! why's everyone beating up on eachother. Your decisions are your own. Who cares if other people approve or not. If you think it's the right thing in your own mind than it is.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

narcolepsy said:


> Jesus! why's everyone beating up on eachother.


I'm just wondering why people tend to get so personally offended when the age issue comes up. Like Jesus Christ take a chill pill, it's like my mom, when she sees Harrison Ford & Callista Flockheart or any older-guy/younger-girl relationship, she'll be like, "WHOA WHAT A PERVERT. These old men with younger girls..._so DIRTY_!" And then when she sees an older-woman/younger guy (Kim Cattrall and her beau or Demi/Ashton), she'll be completely for it and into the whole idea, and I'll ask her why, and she says: "Well it's different." It's so sexist.

Anyways like I said I was *trying* to have a discussion until someone went and had to personally attack me using the BS "age card" which is just an excuse for lack of justified reason and personal biasness. Pisses the **** out of me these kinds of people


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

ouch. didnt know so many people are so against it geez. one of my ex coworkers, her sister's husband is 20 years her senior; 18-20ish at the time she met him. shes in her 40s now and they are still both together. im sure there are plenty of other similar stories


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

> I'm just wondering why people tend to get so personally offended when the age issue comes up. Like Jesus Christ take a chill pill, it's like my mom, when she sees Harrison Ford & Callista Flockheart or any older-guy/younger-girl relationship, she'll be like, "WHOA WHAT A PERVERT. These old men with younger girls...so DIRTY!" And then when she sees an older-woman/younger guy (Kim Cattrall and her beau or Demi/Ashton), she'll be completely for it and into the whole idea, and I'll ask her why, and she says: "Well it's different." It's so sexist.


Trapped, I've got nothing against you personally nor do I think anyone else on this board does. Me and the couple others who spoke out against you dating this man we're probably just looking out in your best interest.

I use to be 18 and I can tell that you're 18. It's ok if you're 18. It's also ok to be 7,23, and 84. Every age is meaningful and has a purpose, each succeeding age builds upon the prior giving you more life experience and "maturity".

Yes, it is very different when an older woman dates a younger man. Not necessarily more right, but different. When you get older, hopefully you will begin to realize that men and women are actually quite different. What defines a man & what defines a woman goes far beyond penis and vagina. Your brain is 10% smaller than mine, you have more white matter, I have more grey matter, and that thingy in the center of our brains that connects our two hemispheres, is more developed in your brain.

Nature created man with traits and features that would complement woman; woman with traits and features that would compliment man. It's ok to acknowledge each sexes shortcomings and embrace each sexes strengths.

Who would you rather babysit your newborn child? Would you choose a man or a woman?

If you had to guess, which sex do you think will be more likely to study quantum physics?

Males overhwhelmingy comprise the majority of most science & math related fields. To say that males make better mathematicians is not sexist, it's a reality. To say that women are generally more compassionate & sympathetic towards others is not sexist either, it's a reality.

The more you continue to think that men and women can equally excel in everything across the board, the more you will continue to denigrate your own sex and exaggerate your own suffering. It's important to understand who you are and embrace it to it's fullest extent. It's in your own best interest and the interest of all others.

With all that said. 18 is a great age for getting sh*t faced with friends and going streaking. You won't be able to do that crap when you're 30. Enjoy it while you can.


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## Jellybeanz (Jul 1, 2008)

^There are a few differences in structure but I think brain size was an odd thing to include in the post when it has no bearing on behavior or intelligence. The brain to bodymass ratio between men and women is an equalizer and makes it a null issue. Just to clarify things.

I think the people here are just looking out for you, I don't see anything wrong with an age difference but I think the sheer odds of it working out... most of us just want you to be careful.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

colonelpoop said:


> Yes, it is very different when an older woman dates a younger man.


Are you saying that would be more acceptable? If so, in what ways? I haven't read much on this, so I am genuinely interested. The older man/younger woman dynamic actually has evolutionary advantages:
http://news-service.stanford.edu/pr/200 ... 91207.html
Here's an interesting excerpt:


Stanford University said:


> The scientists presented a "range of data showing that males much older than 50 years have substantial realized fertility through matings with younger females, a pattern that was likely typical among early humans." As a result, Puleston said, older male fertility helps to select against damaging cell mutations in humans who have passed the age of female menopause, consequently eliminating the "wall of death."
> "Our analysis shows that old-age male fertility allows evolution to breach Hamilton's wall of death and predicts a gradual rise in mortality after the age of female menopause without relying on 'grandmother' effects or economic optimality," the researchers say in the paper.


Let's all take a moment to pay thanks to the dirty old men from the days of yore who knocked up the 20-something Cro-magnon floozies. 
I don't know of any such advantages that exist for the inverse dynamic. Also, all of the personality differences you mentioned are linked to social constructs rather than simply biological sex; less egalitarian societies consist of males with personalities that are relatively indistinguishable from women's. Significant personality trait disparities tend to exist only in Westernized countries. Anyway, all of the differences you brought up really have no bearing on the age of one's potential mate, in my opinion; I can think of no reason why a man in his mid-40s can't have a personality that complements mine.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

> Are you saying that would be more acceptable? If so, in what ways? I haven't read much on this, so I am genuinely interested. The older man/younger woman dynamic actually has evolutionary advantages:


I didn't read your article Drella, but I certainly will later.

Young Man/Older Woman relationships are certainly more acceptable, but they are very likely to fail. I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil a couple months back where they were covering the "cougar" phenomenon that was supposedly sweeping the country. On the show, they introduced some older women who were interested in going on a date with a younger man, when asked why, pretty much all of them gave an answer that could be summed up as old men can't get it up.

After all of them went on their dates, they were interviewed again and they all said they thought that the young men were very handsome and charming, but it was impossible for them to have any romantic feelings for them. They felt too much like a maternal figure the entire time on the date.

Then Dr. Phil interviewed a couple who had been dating for several years, it was quite obvious that the older woman did not respect the young man very much, he was in her eyes something of a play toy it seemed. She was allowed to date outside of the relationship and pretty much called all the shots.

I think that the old man/girl relationships creep most of us out because we know that the girl is being taken advantage of and is in a very vulnerable position. I think all of us as human beings, inherently want to protect and ensure the well-being of women. When we see them in danger, it comes naturally to us to save them so to speak. 1 man can impregnate a thousand women, where as 1 woman can only have several children. Women are easily the more valuable sex. It wouldn't make a difference if we lost a sh*t load of men, but population rates would plumit drastically if we were to lose a large percentage of women.

I associate women with life and men with supporting it.



> Let's all take a moment to pay thanks to the dirty old men from the days of yore who knocked up the 20-something Cro-magnon floozies.
> I don't know of any such advantages that exist for the inverse dynamic. Also, all of the personality differences you mentioned are linked to social constructs rather than simply biological sex; less egalitarian societies consist of males with personalities that are relatively indistinguishable from women's. Significant personality trait disparities exist only in Westernized countries. Anyway, the personality differences you brought up really have no bearing on the age of one's potential mate, in my opinion; I can think of no reason why a man in his mid-40s can't have a personality that complements mine.


cavemen were under constant attack by dinosaurs, so your point remains null. drastic circumstances call for drastic measures.

I have enough common sense to know that there is certainly a female and male personality type. I think gay men and women are enough proof to easily acknowledge this. Butch women were not forced tonka trucks upon them when they were infants, they were instictively drawn to them. They grow up fitting the male stereotype to a T when they are faced with nothing but the upmost resistance to this personality type developing.

Sweden is the most egalitarian country in the world and they are without a doubt the most neutered and genderless society on the face of the earth. There have been countless articles written on the dilemma Swedes face in the world of dating & relationships. They are some of the most socially awkward people you will ever meet in regards to dating the opposite sex. They say the only way to get a man in Sweden to talk on the first date is by getting him drunk.

http://www.lewrockwell.com/sanandaji/sanandaji15.html

Personality types run concurrent throughout all ages. I was once reading a book on Nihilism on a city bus when I dropped it when we hit a bump, an old man in the seat behind me picked it up and gave it to me. When he handed it to me, I said "thank you" and his reply was "It was nothing". That had to be the wittiest reply I had heard in my entire life and it gave me the biggest grin on my face. I sat next to the guy and we talked for a good 30 min about everything from Key Lime Pie, Boobs, to Heidegger. The dude had to be 70 and I was only 17 I think, but we definitely clicked.

What seperates us though is our maturity and life-experience, which he had exceedingly more of. We could have definitely become friends, but never in a way that he could with a man his own age.

If you had a 10 year old child and the 18 year old girl across the street always insisted on playing with him or her, I guarantee that you would be a little bothered. Even if what they did together was completely harmless and innocent; there isn't a doubt in my mind that you would suspect that there was something wrong or not quite right with the 18 year old.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

We've totally hijacked this thread, colonel. 


colonelpoop said:


> cavemen were under constant attack by dinosaurs, so your point remains null. drastic circumstances call for drastic measures.


That's tangential. The whole point I was making is that older men mating with younger women seems to have increased the human lifespan; the desperation that may have been involved is irrelevant to my point, because the outcome is the same. And they never fought the dinosaurs, by the way.. everyone knows the natural enemy of the caveman was the cthulu.



> I have enough common sense to know that there is certainly a female and male personality type. I think gay men and women are enough proof to easily acknowledge this. Butch women were not forced tonka trucks upon them when they were infants, they were instictively drawn to them. They grow up fitting the male stereotype to a T when they are faced with nothing but the upmost resistance to this personality type developing.


Yes, but what comes first, a conditioned gender identity or toy choice? I never argued that there is no male or female personality type in our society; I argued that it varies by culture. And it does. You illustrated that with your Sweden example; the fact that both the men and women are genderless shows that deviating from our idea of the male or female 'type' is wholly possible and can be the norm within a society; it transcends differences due to sexual orientation or other intervening variables. If there was a set, completely innate, personality type for the sexes, I would think that all societies would contain primarily assertive, risk-taking men and docile women, but that doesn't appear to be the case. Take the Tchambuli tribe as another example. In this community, men are the docile, nurturing ones, while women are aggressive and take on the leadership positions. They may be 'instinctively' (for lack of a better term) drawn to such positions (the inverse of our own), but if they were removed from their social dynamics at birth and placed in America, I would argue that they would take on the gender roles prevalent here. I don't think this would occur if the personality traits were fully innate rather than socially conditioned.



> If you had a 10 year old child and the 18 year old girl across the street always insisted on playing with him or her, I guarantee that you would be a little bothered. Even if what they did together was completely harmless and innocent; there isn't a doubt in my mind that you would suspect that there was something wrong or not quite right with the 18 year old.


What does an 18 year old playing with a child have to do with a man dating a younger woman? I would never assume there was something 'wrong' with an older man who wanted to date me. Well, I also wouldn't jump to the conclusion that an 18 year old was a pedophile or something for wanting to play with a 10 year-old. If that were the case, I'm pretty sure the Big Brothers and Sisters of America would be out of business.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

You make some good points Drella, but I'll have to reply to this tomorrow.

I'm drinking Samuel Adams right now and I wouldn't want to give you the advantage.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

It's funny cause the guy I met and I are only separated by a few blocks and a park...I could just walk over there right now if I were crazy :heart :love


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

DO EET!


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I've never been attracted to older men.

Even now that I'm 30, when some women go for 50 year olds or men in their early 20s ... the men in their 50s are just too old for me and the boys -sorry, men- in their 20s, in all honesty look pubescent to me.

...I see them on trains with their fashionable haircuts and it looks messy to me!!! ...and apart from that, well they just don't look properly physically formed -they really don't!?!!


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

xTrappedx said:


> You know I don't quite buy into the typical family/relationship structure thing anymore...I've grown up with VERY INDEPENDENT women (my mom, my aunt, my grandmother), who do not rely on men at all (my grandmother is the only one that's still married) and nothing is off limits to me really........Life is an adventure, not some predetermined layout of what you should and should not do...I'm not looking for a partner or a father-figure (God no, I HATED my dad- I was actually happy to only have my mom around, sort of like the Freudian Oedipus complex right), to put it quite simply, I'm just relying on my "natural instincts"  and I'm 100% aware I have low self-esteem but that is not the reason why I like older men, it is the obstacle to getting with one. I am simply attracted to them, and there are factors that build that attraction..it's not that psychologically deep.
> 
> And hey what if the guy just isn't attracted to women his age? You said men who are attracted to women significantly younger are "plagued by low self-esteem" but I think you just categorized a whole gender there :lol Most of them just don't act on it, because of what society has established as decent and right....yet I think sexual desires aren't something to condemn. But hey what do I know right, I'm only 18.
> 
> ...


...I remember being told when I was younger not to bother with guys until they were past 25 years of age; and that before then, they just didn't have the maturity for a female to really want to bother with.

Likewise, maybe you're looking for someone who is more mature. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.

...I don't know about 'most men in their 40s and 50s not acting on their desire for younger women'. My experience, when for example I've been out at particular bars or just at work, has been that there are always men in their 40s and 50s out "hunting" for younger women.
And unfortunately, a number of them are married.

What I think is that maybe sometimes dating someone much older or younger than you can be a good thing. It can give you something that you need.

however, it's always good to be thoughtful about whatever your motives are in any sort of relationship. ...Age is not the only factor or necessarily the most important factor as far as what's important.

...Keep your mind open and keep learning. Even so called 'mistakes' can sometimes end up being important parts of improving yourself. And likewise, it's not always clear what is and isn't a mistake etc.

For me personally... I remember flirting (only flirting) with an English teacher in my final year of highschool. I did it partly because I was ridiculously paranoid about my final year grades. ...He fell for it but then: it's so very very easy for a young woman to tempt any man, let alone one whose been married for years and is older.

I wonder what young women who've gone with older married men feel like when they age and suddenly lose that wonderful and much coveted youth...?! :eyes

-Just my thoughts...


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Drella said:


> by the way.. everyone knows the natural enemy of the caveman was the cthulu.


lol youre so bad drella :spank


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## StrangeLand (Aug 12, 2008)

colonelpoop said:


> Young Man/Older Woman relationships are certainly more acceptable, but they are very likely to fail. I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil a couple months back where they were covering the "cougar" phenomenon that was supposedly sweeping the country. On the show, they introduced some older women who were interested in going on a date with a younger man, when asked why, pretty much all of them gave an answer that could be summed up as old men can't get it up.
> 
> After all of them went on their dates, they were interviewed again and they all said they thought that the young men were very handsome and charming, but it was impossible for them to have any romantic feelings for them. They felt too much like a maternal figure the entire time on the date.
> 
> Then Dr. Phil interviewed a couple who had been dating for several years, it was quite obvious that the older woman did not respect the young man very much, he was in her eyes something of a play toy it seemed. She was allowed to date outside of the relationship and pretty much called all the shots.


Have you ever considered that this particular episode of "Dr. Phil" may have been engineered to make you feel a certain way about the given topic?


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## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

You may think that you are unusually mature, but a lot of poeple think that at your age. Emotions are something you need to live with before you can master them thus all the dramatics in young relationships. Now that I'm a little more experienced i feel so much more in control of my emotions then I did at 18. A person dating someone younger would need to be very aware of this difference and be careful not take advantage of an 18 year olds fragile emotional state. Mutual respect is essential. Maybe if the mutual respect and the consciousness is there on the side of your partner it is a possibility, but I would at least give it a few years.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

I've been really attracted myself to older guys on a number of occasions.

But strong mutual attraction between an older person and younger person alone is not enough to make a relationship work. There are always going to be differences in life experiences, life situations etc which potentially could prove to be obstacles in making one last. 

Saying that though, this applies to any kind of relationship really. So I would say it's really a question of whether the parties involved can accept the differences about each other which might be in question/are willing to put in the effort necessary to work on any difficulties. As if they aren't willing to do either, then ultimately the relationship will fail.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

It's been officially 2 weeks since we last had any sort of contact. I'm pretty sure it's over :cry 

I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome my anxiety about dating an older guy. I would love to...but I guess I'll have to stick with guys my age...plus I've got myself a new interest at school so :b

It definitely is true when they say school will keep you out of trouble..cause the older guy- I met him during summer.......so I'm back to reality now.


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

plus if I date someone my age, he'll eventually get older, so just something to look forward to! lol


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

but what if, when you get older, he ditches you for some young girl who likes older men?


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## sprinter (Nov 22, 2003)

Zen Mechanics said:


> but what if, when you get older, he ditches you for some young girl who likes older men?


True that happens a lot. So it's better to stick with the older guys because when she is older he'll either be dead or way too old for any younger woman to be interested in him. :lol


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## billym223 (Aug 27, 2008)

What about me? I'm kind of old. 27...


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

sprinter said:


> Zen Mechanics said:
> 
> 
> > but what if, when you get older, he ditches you for some young girl who likes older men?
> ...


...but even really old men can go after a younger woman. There will always be someone younger..like with Donald Trump, his wives get progressively younger....


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## xTrappedx (Aug 28, 2008)

billym223 said:


> What about me? I'm kind of old. 27...


Eh, it's too young :b


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

nubly said:


> lol youre so bad drella :spank


Oh my. I wasn't aware you were into that sort of thing, nubly. Let's continue this conversation over wine at your place, say, 9ish? I'll bring all of the necessary clamps and ointments.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I was seeing a 21 year old, I'm 28. I really don't have a problem with it at all. 

18 might be a bit young for my comfort level, but honestly from an outsider's prospective, I don't have a huge problem with it. 
You're 18, there are thousands of guys joining the Army and fighting wars at this age, you can make the decision to smoke tobacco waste and get cancer, I think you can make the decision if you want to date somebody nearly twice your age. 

There are tons of guys who dig the younger girls it seems. I've always liked girls in their early 30's or late 20's. Curse this college town and its options.


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## demoneyeskyo (Oct 23, 2006)

I am enjoying reading about this debate so far. especially between Drella and Colonelpoop. very intellectually stimulating. I am gonna look up "denigrating" and "tangential" after im done with this post. :lol


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