# In September I would have been celibate for a decade, can anyone better that!



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

The only reason I know its been this long is because the 'last time' was at the beginning of my 2nd year at uni, which was in September 04. 

Getting into a relationship has never been a priority of mine, but I do fleetingly wonder whether I could have done a bit more in this area over the past few years. I sometimes think I've missed out. 

I'm genuinely thinking of celebrating it in some way as its such a milestone. Perhaps I can get a friend to accompany me to a restaurant without explaining why. 

The way things are going the next 10 years won't be much different.


----------



## Boomaloom (May 28, 2014)

Pft, the last time I kissed a girl, 911 was only known as a model of car!


----------



## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

26 years.


----------



## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

22 I wish I could keep it


----------



## Simon D (Jun 26, 2014)

*Don't want to brag but...*

I can outdo your decade by 8years chef Dave. Ohh the joys of social anxiety ,isolation and chronic shyness. The irony is my last relationship only came about when seeking help for the above problems.


----------



## ghoskin (Jun 20, 2014)

does that include with yourself?


----------



## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

being celibate for that long due to SA can be understandable. but are you aware there are some literal 35+ year old virgin members here?


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

ils25r said:


> being celibate for that long due to SA can be understandable. but are you aware there are some literal 35+ year old virgin members here?


I'm aware that there's at least one 40 y/o virgin on here as I read his thread the other day. Obviously I can't compete with that, but I am interested to see how many people who've actually lost their virginity have then gone onto a 'dry spell' longer than ten years.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

running man said:


> I lost my virginity at 14.
> 
> Slept with a prostitute in Amsterdam at 27.
> 
> ...


13 years, beats me! 'Only' on a 5 year streak at the moment though


----------



## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

Okay, I am definitely the 'winner' here; last time I slept with anyone was when my son was conceived ....... that's 34 years ago, lol!


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Serephina said:


> Okay, I am definitely the 'winner' here; last time I slept with anyone was when my son was conceived ....... that's 34 years ago, lol!


Wow, I guess that blows my paltry decade out the water then!


----------



## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

:b


----------



## rockiscool (Jun 23, 2014)

7 years(last time I had sex) but I have kissed/made out with a woman,so that better than nothing.


----------



## lyricalillusions (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm 32 and have never had sex or even been kissed....


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

lyricalillusions said:


> I'm 32 and have never had sex or even been kissed....


31 and in the same situation.


----------



## sunflower22 (Jun 4, 2014)

Ok, this is foreign to me. So I'm curious. Is this because you don't want to have sex, haven't met someone you want to have sex with or just haven't put yourself in situations to find a partner?


----------



## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

27 year old male and literally no experience with girls. No kissing, holding hands, going on a date, sex, etc. Nill, nada, zip, zitch, zero. :no


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

sunflower22 said:


> Ok, this is foreign to me. So I'm curious. Is this because you don't want to have sex, haven't met someone you want to have sex with or just haven't put yourself in situations to find a partner?


I don't know why this happened to be honest.

Some people _need _to be in a relationship. I've always valued the time I spend alone more so its just been easier to remain single. I don't want to be with people 24/7, going to work is enough.


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

sunflower22 said:


> Ok, this is foreign to me. So I'm curious. Is this because you don't want to have sex, haven't met someone you want to have sex with or just haven't put yourself in situations to find a partner?


Perhaps you've heard of this thing called social anxiety? Add in body dysmorphic disorder and that's the reason for some of us. Granted, I'm a severe case.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

How about 38 years? Never done anything even remotely sexual with anyone, although I'm talking to a woman at the moment and we're making some plans (that will probably fall through as have others recently). Wish me luck, guys!


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

IcedOver said:


> How about 38 years? Never done anything even remotely sexual with anyone, although I'm talking to a woman at the moment and we're making some plans (that will probably fall through as have others recently). Wish me luck, guys!


Good luck!


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

^^Thanks, man. If this works out (unlikely, but still), I'll still be a virgin, but I will no longer be a Super Virgin!


----------



## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

Yer Blues said:


> Good luck!


Seconded!!  Best of luck IcedOver, I hope things go well for you. :yes


----------



## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

Yer Blues said:


> Perhaps you've heard of this thing called social anxiety? Add in body dysmorphic disorder and that's the reason for some of us. Granted, I'm a severe case.


Yeah that sums me up when I was younger. Now sadly, the body bit is unfortunately 'body realistic awareness ordered thought' :|


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

As I'm reading everyone's posts, I find myself asking why. Why has it been so long? But then, I remember I hate when people ask me the same thing, followed by a "you're cute" or something similar. I once had a guy tell me he could take care of my dry spell for me. That's nice, but I think for many of us suffering with social anxiety, there are opportunities, we just choose not to look into opportunities. Having said that, my dry spells have not lasted as long as yours has. I find sex much easier than emotional intimacy.


----------



## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

Ugh, 5 years not by choice.


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> That's nice, but I think for many of us suffering with social anxiety, there are opportunities, we just choose not to look into opportunities.


Uh, no opportunities here. Sex or relationship opportunities I'm referring to.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Yer Blues said:


> Uh, no opportunities here. Sex or relationship opportunities I'm referring to.


How does one not have any opportunities? Unless you are a hermit (which I can be sometimes), there are opportunities everywhere. It doesn't have to be in your face. It can be someone smiling at you. 
I don't know. I'm a female. And relatively attractive, some say. It's not difficult for me to find opportunities when I try, I just don't want to try because it is so exhausting to act like I know what I'm doing.


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

Folded Edge said:


> Yeah that sums me up when I was younger. Now sadly, the body bit is unfortunately 'body realistic awareness ordered thought' :|


Mine was due to needing braces as a kid which I got in my twenties, but the damage had been done to my self-esteem by then. It's been a long climb trying get over that.

At least I'm still built like I was in my twenties and was playing hockey.


----------



## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> How does one not have any opportunities? Unless you are a hermit (which I can be sometimes), there are opportunities everywhere. It doesn't have to be in your face. It can be someone smiling at you.
> I don't know. I'm a female. And relatively attractive, some say. It's not difficult for me to find opportunities when I try, I just don't want to try because it is so exhausting to act like I know what I'm doing.


I've tried, I must be clueless or something.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

ChuckBrown said:


> I've tried, I must be clueless or something.


Maybe you're trying too hard?


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Yer Blues said:


> Mine was due to needing braces as a kid which I got in my twenties, but the damage had been done to my self-esteem by then. It's been a long climb trying get over that.
> 
> At least I'm still built like I was in my twenties and was playing hockey.


Ah, but braces are adorable!!! How's your self-esteem these days?


----------



## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> Maybe you're trying too hard?


I wish I knew.


----------



## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

5 years. I just fixed that a few months ago.


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> Ah, but braces are adorable!!! How's your self-esteem these days?


Oh yeah, it really attracted the women having braces in my mid to late twenties. 

Better, but I'm still working on it. I'm on meds and seeing a therapist now.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Yer Blues said:


> Oh yeah, it really attracted the women having braces in my mid to late twenties.
> 
> Better, but I'm still working on it. I'm on meds and seeing a therapist now.


Which meds are you taking? How long have you been with your therapist?

I don't know.... I had an outing the other night and sat next to this guy with braces. He was in his twenties at least and was adorable!


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

laysiaj said:


> Which meds are you taking? How long have you been with your therapist?


I'm on Effexor. I've being seeing a therapist once a week for about a month and a half now. One hour sessions.



laysiaj said:


> I don't know.... I had an outing the other night and sat next to this guy with braces. He was in his twenties at least and was adorable!


The shininess from them has blinded you.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


shiny things......


----------



## Eastcheap (Oct 31, 2012)

laysiaj said:


> How does one not have any opportunities?


When you're a man, it's _extremely_ easy. After all, we're expected to do all the work.

And the older you get, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you reach an age where virtually all of the single (and I use the term loosely) women you meet are either much, much younger or much, much older. (Or desperately and obviously looking for someone to send their kids to college...not saying that there's anything necessarily wrong with that, but it can be a bit off-putting.)

There's a reason why prostitutes (of both sexes and various combinations thereof) have an almost exclusively male clientèle, and why bars have ladies' nights and not gentlemen's nights (at least not the bars I've frequented).



> Unless you are a hermit (which I can be sometimes), there are opportunities everywhere.


Perhaps Seattle is different. Isn't it supposed to be some kind of singles' paradise or something?

I think there must be single women of an appropriate age around locally, but damned if I know where they're hiding.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Eastcheap said:


> When you're a man, it's _extremely_ easy. After all, we're expected to do all the work.
> 
> And the older you get, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you reach an age where virtually all of the single (and I use the term loosely) women you meet are either much, much younger or much, much older. (Or desperately and obviously looking for someone to send their kids to college...not saying that there's anything necessarily wrong with that, but it can be a bit off-putting.)
> 
> ...


Maybe I was being overly optimistic. I just meant that every person one sees or talks to is a potential opportunity. Most of us with SA just don't go around hitting on people.
And how old are you? Seattle is a great place for singles actually and I'm in my thirties without children so maybe it's a little easier for me.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Congratulations. It's been a few years for me.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Serephina said:


> Okay, I am definitely the 'winner' here; last time I slept with anyone was when my son was conceived ....... that's 34 years ago, lol!


Holy ****!! How come?


----------



## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Holy ****!! How come?


^ ^ unfortunate choice of words!

But to answer your question: I really don't know. It wasn't for the want of trying for many years ..... I suppose the number of those who might have been interested was reduced because I was a single mum.


----------



## Eastcheap (Oct 31, 2012)

laysiaj said:


> Maybe I was being overly optimistic. I just meant that every person one sees or talks to is a potential opportunity.


The key word there is "potential." By and large, opportunities don't just happen for men; we have to make them. And, more often than not, we're rebuffed, sometimes by women who don't even realize what they're doing.

In fact, if I could offer one piece of advice to women here (and everywhere), it's this: Learn to accept compliments with grace. Even if you don't believe it. Especially if you don't believe it. Time was, this was a matter of common etiquette, like not refusing a dance unless your card was full. It used to be taught in schools, for crying out loud.

Refusing a compliment sends a clear signal that you're not interested. Arguing about it is actually an insult. All you have to do is lurk the "Member Photo" section here to see example after example of gorgeous women doing just that, over and over again. I suppose some of them get off on it in some kind of awful, tragic way.

Worst of all, many, if not most, of the men who _aren't_ put off are the kind who like to take advantage of insecure women.



> And how old are you?


Mid forties.

I suspect that being part of an "interim" cohort doesn't help. To tell the truth, I rarely meet anyone my own age _period._ Interestingly, a lot of them appear to have moved to Seattle (and Redmond, Portland, Grants Pass...you get the idea).

I used to think it was some kind of weird paranoia, but then I worked a season preparing taxes. I saw lots of dates-of-birth, and only _two_ were within five years of my own. Most were ten years out or more.

(As it happens, one of the two was an extremely attractive and bashful single lady who didn't seem to mind my company too much. Naturally, I found myself in a position where doing anything about it would have gotten me canned on the spot. :| Oh, and also terribly unethical.)

All this is straying from the topic somewhat, so I'll admit that I have you beat by a healthy margin. But then, I've reached an age where a decade doesn't mean quite as much as once it did.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Thirty nine years, 10 days.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Thanks again for the well wishes, guys. Trying to pull this off is like walking a tightrope. One mistake (even if you don't think it's a mistake), and you're done. It happened to me twice last year (promises to meet broken), and I've had other less serious possibilities this year that have evaporated. While those disappointments have been good learning experiences, it still hurts. Many people would tell me that I'm not going about things in the right way, but this is what I'm looking for, and I can't make apologies. Talking to this girl and trying to arrange this is gut-wrenching and causing me anxiety. The reason is . . . I'm scared. I know it's not really anything to complain about, but the fact is that I'm 38, and this opportunity (can't say much about it on the open board, but no, no money is changing hands) may not come around again. It's only my fault that I've allowed myself to get to this age with so many problems (not just romantic ones) and having zero experience with women in any way, shape or form.


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

IcedOver said:


> Thanks again for the well wishes, guys. Trying to pull this off is like walking a tightrope. One mistake (even if you don't think it's a mistake), and you're done. It happened to me twice last year (promises to meet broken), and I've had other less serious possibilities this year that have evaporated. While those disappointments have been good learning experiences, it still hurts. Many people would tell me that I'm not going about things in the right way, but this is what I'm looking for, and I can't make apologies. Talking to this girl and trying to arrange this is gut-wrenching and causing me anxiety. The reason is . . . I'm scared. I know it's not really anything to complain about, but the fact is that I'm 38, and this opportunity (can't say much about it on the open board, but no, no money is changing hands) may not come around again. It's only my fault that I've allowed myself to get to this age with so many problems (not just romantic ones) and having zero experience with women in any way, shape or form.


Well, maybe it happened for a reason.
We shouldn't go jumping into things to force them. We end up getting hurt regardless of what happens.

Keep your integrity; don't throw yourself to the first girl that comes along. It makes you a prize for the one who does.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

^^Oh, believe me, I've never had integrity. I have some standards for women, but basically I'm just wanting things to happen. Something's coming up that could impact my life and alter it negatively in the worst case scenario, and I guess I'm trying to have a little fun. Haven't met this girl yet, but if her photos are really true as she says, she is so far out of my league it's ridiculous, which is why I'm so anxious for it to happen.


----------



## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

IcedOver said:


> ^^Oh, believe me, I've never had integrity. I have some standards for women, but basically I'm just wanting things to happen. Something's coming up that could impact my life and alter it negatively in the worst case scenario, and I guess I'm trying to have a little fun. Haven't met this girl yet, but if her photos are really true as she says, she is so far out of my league it's ridiculous, which is why I'm so anxious for it to happen.


Good luck! Don't empower the situation--there's not as much at stake as you might think.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't get how accepting compliments will help you get laid.


----------



## rockiscool (Jun 23, 2014)

laysiaj said:


> How does one not have any opportunities? Unless you are a hermit (which I can be sometimes), there are opportunities everywhere. It doesn't have to be in your face. It can be someone smiling at you.
> I don't know. I'm a female. And relatively attractive, some say. It's not difficult for me to find opportunities when I try, I just don't want to try because it is so exhausting to act like I know what I'm doing.


Im a semi-loner.so I have very small circle of women. What can I do.
it is how it is.


----------



## ByStorm (Oct 22, 2013)

I've been celibate for 21 years

On an unrelated note, I'm 21 years old.


----------



## rockiscool (Jun 23, 2014)

I am a lucky celibacy man,if it wasn't for that female co-worker
who made the first move,I would had never had sex.

sh-t.If it wasn't for that other female co-worker that just kissed me
on the lips,I would had never kissed another lady.


----------



## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

rockiscool said:


> Im a semi-loner.so I have very small circle of women. What can I do.
> it is how it is.


It doesn't sound like you're motivated to change those circumstances. Not that you should want to. It's always a good thing when you're content.


----------



## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

IcedOver said:


> Thanks again for the well wishes, guys. Trying to pull this off is like walking a tightrope.


No prob. Don't over think it.


----------



## rockiscool (Jun 23, 2014)

laysiaj said:


> It doesn't sound like you're motivated to change those circumstances. Not that you should want to. It's always a good thing when you're content.


I've done a little improving.Im trying to put myself out there.That
why Im a semi-loner not a full loner. I've had some ''minor''success
,couple breif GF's,got to kiss and makeout with a lady.Yeah,it's
not sex but 3 years ago I was alot of worst.

IDK how sex happen.The lady I had sex with just ask me to have
sex with her.I don't have female approaching me and asking me for sex.
here's my count
1 lady ask me for sex
1 lady just kissed me
1 lady ask if I want to date (yeah,it lasted a week)
so,yeah I don't have alot of female fans...sh-t,I should have
been a movie star,lol


----------



## A51XF (Apr 7, 2014)

The last time I had a good hard boner and good sex was 1993.


----------



## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

In September I will be a 33 year old virgin.


----------



## sunflower22 (Jun 4, 2014)

Morpheus said:


> In September I will be a 33 year old virgin.


Happy early birthday!


----------



## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

LOL, thanks.


----------



## bubbletea (May 31, 2014)

30 years here... it's not something i mention to anyone, ever.


----------



## Ramondo (Feb 16, 2011)

laysiaj said:


> Maybe I was being overly optimistic. I just meant that every person one sees or talks to is a potential opportunity.


I think you were. Sure, and everyone is a potential friend as well. That doesn't mean you're going to make any friends either. Some people just can't have sex without dealing with the relationship that goes along with it - that would be the case with most people with SA. There is always a relationship - even if it's just with a prostitute. If you spend 20 minutes with a hooker, that's 20 minutes of potential embarassment, rejection, panic ...
I'm not trying to be alarmist. It could also be 20 minutes of fun, but that's not how it happens for us with SA. 
I'm glad though that I have some scarce memories to look back on (not with hookers though), and that I was more motivated to make an effort when I was younger. But then I had a few male 'friends' who would give encouragement.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Well, it looks like the interaction I was hopeful about may have been a flake or even a catfish, even though it seemed genuine. Haven't gotten a reply in over a week, although she may be busy. I also made an ad about wanting to go with someone to the local amusement park, and got a reply, but haven't heard back from her yet. I watched a couple episodes of "Catfish" yesterday, and it's amazing the lack of respect these people have. One guy had been talking to someone he thought was a woman for two years (never on the phone, though). They finally arranged to go to her house to meet her, and it turned out to be a gay black man who had been doing the same thing to about a hundred other guys. He was so flip about it, thinking that no one's lives had been messed up, and it was all about him and his insecurities because he was gay. Political correctness probably stopped this guy from punching the dude in the gut, but that's what I would have done.


----------



## Eastcheap (Oct 31, 2012)

Ramondo said:


> Some people just can't have sex without dealing with the relationship that goes along with it - that would be the case with most people with SA. There is always a relationship - even if it's just with a prostitute.


It's probably significant that the "GFE" thing is _the_ premiere service. Clearly, a lot of guys, and not necessarily just those with SA problems, are desperate for female companionship beyond mere sex.


----------



## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

I know I'm younger, but it makes me feel nice reading through this thread. I'm 23 (nearing 24) and never kissed anyone before, let alone sex. Weirdly, I can't find a topic in the Frustration forum that is 24+ yrs in this situation. That's why I'm here. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Sorry for invading the 30+ forum. I'm leaving.

-leaves quickly before getting kicked out-


----------



## lordseshomaru86 (Aug 13, 2013)

This is my 11th year of celibacy. I don't think I even know what "opportunities" look like or what "situations" are conducive to them anymore


----------



## shouldeyefallbehind (May 26, 2014)

I am 34 and never had physical relations. It used to bug me but, even though sometimes I barely go a week without some girl hitting on me, it doesn't really bother me anymore. I am used to being celibate and I can quite happily die being that way. I am not sure if I would get physical with a girl. I am very insecure about myself.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

Sex can be such a great thing, even if not long-term, but merely a moment's pleasure. It doesn't need to be approached with serious intentions. It can be light and fun for both. You just have to be sure you are on the same page. But I can think of no reason to go through life without enjoying sex. You should do it at least 2 or 3 times a week. But, if you do, I think you want it to be with the same person or couple of people because it gets better as you get to know each other better.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

bubbletea said:


> 30 years here... it's not something i mention to anyone, ever.


Bubbletea, based on your picture, I have to believe this is a choice YOU have made, to not have sex. You are depriving yourself of some fun times.


----------



## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

Jack Rauber said:


> Bubbletea, based on your picture, I have to believe this is a choice YOU have made, to not have sex.


Rubbish. Social Anxiety Disorder is not a choice.


----------



## bartman101_2001 (Nov 6, 2008)

....


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

Morpheus said:


> Rubbish. Social Anxiety Disorder is not a choice.


It was intended to be a compliment. She is an attractive woman. She should be confident in her appearance.

The compliment was not directed toward SAD.


----------



## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

Jack Rauber said:


> It was intended to be a compliment. She is an attractive woman. She should be confident in her appearance.
> 
> The compliment was not directed toward SAD.


I've learned from experience that giving out compliments here is a risky proposition.


----------



## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

azstl25 said:


> I've learned from experience that giving out compliments here is a risky proposition.


Well that and it makes it appear that someone we conclude to be attractive, could therefore not be suffering from Social Anxiety :no Which of course is not true.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

Folded Edge said:


> Well that and it makes it appear that someone we conclude to be attractive, could therefore not be suffering from Social Anxiety :no Which of course is not true.


She is on this site so the assumption would be she is dealing with SAD. I find it odd that someone would choose to reprimand me for giving someone a compliment, though. Let the person it is directed toward respond. She can speak for herself. Or is there something wrong with giving a compliment?


----------



## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

Jack Rauber said:


> She is on this site so the assumption would be she is dealing with SAD. I find it odd that someone would choose to reprimand me for giving someone a compliment, though. Let the person it is directed toward respond. She can speak for herself. Or is there something wrong with giving a compliment?


First of all yes it can be assumed everyone has SA on the forum but that does not then mean that everyone's experience of SA and how it effects them is the same.

Most importantly though, if you read back over forum, you'll find there is a recurring (ridiculous) assertion/ argument that crops up again and again that 'men have it much worse than women' when it comes to SA.

Sometimes linked to that or made separately, is the statement that attractive people cannot have SA or at least not as badly as those deemed to be less attractive SA sufferers .

They are tired tropes but they don't seem to go away.

Your comment / compliment seen in this context, is why I made my comment.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

Folded Edge said:


> First of all yes it can be assumed everyone has SA on the forum but that does not then mean that everyone's experience of SA and how it effects them is the same.
> 
> Most importantly though, if you read back over forum, you'll find there is a recurring (ridiculous) assertion/ argument that crops up again and again that 'men have it much worse than women' when it comes to SA.
> 
> ...


To be clear, my comment, to your post, was originally in reference to Morpheus's post. It just seemed odd to me that someone (not you) would reflexively condemn a compliment given to another poster, emphasizing that bubbletea has SAD. Presumably, everyone on this site has SAD, to a greater or lesser degree. But we still should be able to encourage people to do some of the things they may be wishing to do, if they only could.

Unfortunately, I think some are so fixated on the limitations SAD can create, they feel someone is being insensitive when someone gives words of encouragement.

I personally believe SAD is gender neutral.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Jack Rauber said:


> Bubbletea, based on your picture, I have to believe this is a choice YOU have made, to not have sex. You are depriving yourself of some fun times.


Not really. For the majority of women getting hit on is a rare occurrence (like once every couple of years) and when it does happen 95% of the time it's by someone you are not attracted to and/or appears to be someone very sleazy.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

komorikun said:


> Not really. For the majority of women getting hit on is a rare occurrence (like once every couple of years) and when it does happen 95% of the time it's by someone you are not attracted to and/or appears to be someone very sleazy.


Meeting someone you like, put bluntly, is a number's game. The more people you meet, the more "sleazy" and unattractive people you will meet, yes, but you will also meet more attractive and appealing people as well. It is pretty random.

But you can tilt the odds in your favor by staying fit and being upbeat and going to places you find appealing. If you are a woman and hang out in an auto repair shop, chances are you are not going to find someone you find interesting. On the other hand, if you work at a ski resort, chances are pretty good you will meet someone you find interesting. Both examples are pretty extreme, but I think you know what I mean.

The reality is there are many more unattractive people in the world than there are attractive people. If you keep yourself in good shape and are optimistic I would imagine you will meet people you find attractive.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Jack Rauber said:


> Meeting someone you like, put bluntly, is a number's game. The more people you meet, the more "sleazy" and unattractive people you will meet, yes, but you will also meet more attractive and appealing people as well. It is pretty random.
> 
> But you can tilt the odds in your favor by staying fit and being upbeat and going to places you find appealing. If you are a woman and hang out in an auto repair shop, chances are you are not going to find someone you find interesting. On the other hand, if you work at a ski resort, chances are pretty good you will meet someone you find interesting. Both examples are pretty extreme, but I think you know what I mean.
> 
> The reality is there are many more unattractive people in the world than there are attractive people. If you keep yourself in good shape and are optimistic I would imagine you will meet people you find attractive.


Shy people don't talk to strangers much, so it is not a choice.


----------



## Jack Rauber (Jun 30, 2014)

komorikun said:


> Shy people don't talk to strangers much, so it is not a choice.


So what is the solution?


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Jack Rauber said:


> So what is the solution?


Don't know.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

I've been seeing my friend's sister recently strictly in a platonic capacity and I thought that something *may* happen. I wasn't forcing anything as I wasn't that bothered, but sometimes events naturally take their course. However I haven't seen her for a few weeks so I'm still on track for the decade. Having come this far I can't fail now! (I don't do self-pity for anyone reading)


----------



## Kiwong (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm 51, celibate. Its not a huge concern to me. I like my own company, and don't miss the complication and pain when it used to a big worry of mine.


----------



## Folded Edge (Mar 4, 2014)

komorikun said:


> Don't know.


If komorikun or anyone else had figured out a (simplistic or otherwise) answer to this. I greatly doubt the 30+ section of this forum would exist, never mind the rest of the forum.


----------



## Eastcheap (Oct 31, 2012)

Folded Edge said:


> If komorikun or anyone else had figured out a (simplistic or otherwise) answer to this. I greatly doubt the 30+ section of this forum would exist, never mind the rest of the forum.


As I see it, there are, broadly speaking, two problems that need to be addressed.

The first is getting out and meeting potential romantic partners. That might be difficult, but at least it's doable.

The second is keeping them from running away immediately upon meeting you. I've yet to find a socially and legally acceptable answer to that one.

Time and again I meet potentially "available" women, and time and again they shy away from me. Even when I'm merely trying to be sociable in an every day sort of way. I can only conclude that I'm either unspeakably repulsive or devastatingly attractive, but either way I lack the social skills to hold a conversation with someone who gives nothing back.


----------



## silverbug (Jul 22, 2014)

34 for me


----------



## Zendo (Jun 20, 2012)

I'll be 36 by the end of the year which will make it 9 years since I last had sex. I enjoy being single though and working on improving my own life, going to the gym, working hard and eating healthy. Until I feel good about myself I can't even imagine dating.


----------



## Radjinn (May 8, 2014)

chefdave said:


> The only reason I know its been this long is because the 'last time' was at the beginning of my 2nd year at uni, which was in September 04.
> 
> Getting into a relationship has never been a priority of mine, but I do fleetingly wonder whether I could have done a bit more in this area over the past few years. I sometimes think I've missed out.
> 
> ...


I hear you there, getting into a relationship is tough at the start from what i've seen, and all my friends at work who are married or in long term relationships always seems to have a negative outlook on it so not sure if it's worth it lol.

As for me, I'm 36 so been 36 years since I last came in contact with a vagina, if birth counts


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

bubbletea said:


> 30 years here... it's not something i mention to anyone, ever.


You must get approached? As you are attractive, according to your avatar anyway.

For me it has been 6 years, for the most part I have not been looking. I took my last relationship quite badly just because of my failure to be 'normal' and social within it. I really tried to make a change that time but was unable to do so. Since then I have been alone. There have been women online that I could have met and formed a relationship with but it weird, it is like I can't imagine having sex again or being physically intimate again. I have started to ready myself mentally for being alone forever.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm officially desperate. I'm 38 and I've done _nothing_ with women. It's not really something to complain about, but you can only take so much of getting a message or messages, getting your hopes up, then having it all go "splat" for whatever reason. For instance, a few days ago I got a message in response to an ad, with the woman saying that she's like to know more. I replied and . . . nothing, and it was a fine message. I know I'm looking in an area where it's harder to meet someone, but still. I'm not so desperate that I would go for someone I don't find attractive at least a little, so I guess that's something.


----------



## BillDauterive (Oct 24, 2012)

27 and no experience with girls at all. Not a single kiss, a single date, a single bout of intercourse, etc.


----------



## SpiderInTheCorner (Aug 10, 2014)

1.5 years but still my sex life is nothing to brag about


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

SpiderInTheCorner said:


> 1.5 years but still my sex life is nothing to brag about


It is in this thread brah!


----------



## 911deception85 (Mar 30, 2014)

29 years some kissing and a little fooling around but no sex


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

SpiderInTheCorner said:


> 1.5 years but still my sex life is nothing to brag about


Just 18 months ago? Stud! Stop showing off :b


----------



## SpiderInTheCorner (Aug 10, 2014)

chefdave said:


> Just 18 months ago? Stud! Stop showing off :b


it went like this, virgin till age 26, then sex with 3 prostitutes within 2 months, then no sex for 3 years. now I'm 29.

I don't know why but I prefer masturbation to sex I think. probably because I am afraid that after having sex once with a person I would not want to have it again with the same person.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm in a really strange situation guys. I've explained before that I've not done anything with a woman, not even a date. Right at the moment, I have conversations going on with THREE women. This is not for dating, and it's too complicated to explain on the board, but this is just a convergence of women happening to contact me in response to various ads I've placed. I know that two of them are genuine, and feel the third is as well. It's actually to the point of trying to arrange meet-ups for two of them, and the third just got back to me today after me thinking that she was a freeze-out or my initial reply to her had not gone through or something. She has already said in an e-mail that she wants to meet and gave me her number to call, which I may do this evening.

I really can't believe that this is going on because the only responses I've had in the past have led to frustration, with one woman last year whom I actually met in person (just to talk) flaking on me a few days after that. I doubt that these will pan out just because of bad luck, but these are possibilities of course.


----------



## sh55la79 (Aug 18, 2014)

8 more years and I'll be the female 40 year old virgin :sigh


----------



## Defilon (Oct 20, 2013)

24 years.


----------



## typicalanimal (Oct 15, 2013)

I've gone to a prostitute twice in my life, that's the only action I've ever seen. It felt awkward and "going through the motions".

I refuse to take small risks, I try to minimize every risk as much as I possibly can. For example I plan on never getting a dental x-ray again because of the inherent risk of cancer. 

If there were no risk to sex I feel I would do it with prostitutes regularly and there's a narrow possibility I'd even... you know... actually do it with someone without paying for it.  

It doesn't bother me that I am not getting sex.


----------



## apk55 (Aug 14, 2014)

In all my 59 years I have only had one relationship - with a female. This lasted between the age 44 to 47 and ended when she died. I have never had sex with anybody else.


----------



## sandyshore (Aug 31, 2014)

Never 
Its really bothering me lately.
I wish I could just go to an escort at this point but I don't think it's even possible for a woman.
I want to have a dirty 30's sexual escapade with a bunch of randoms because the lack of experience is giving me anxiety about admitting this to someone I really like.


----------



## ChrisPCD (May 19, 2013)

Been celibate all my life. Nobody likes me that way. Not even for friendship.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

37 going on 38 years of never getting any (not even "solo")--i. e., my entire life--though that itself doesn't bother me in the least.

It's the never getting any relationship or even platonic friendship that bothers me. :rain


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

apk55 said:


> In all my 59 years I have only had one relationship - with a female. This lasted between the age 44 to 47 and ended when she died. I have never had sex with anybody else.


What did she die from?


----------



## sandyshore (Aug 31, 2014)

tehuti88 said:


> 37 going on 38 years of never getting any (not even "solo")--i. e., my entire life--though that itself doesn't bother me in the least.
> 
> It's the never getting any relationship or even platonic friendship that bothers me. :rain


HI tehuti. Do you mind if I ask what you mean by going solo?
also, if you go to the site meetup.com there are different meetups for activities,etc there including specific ones for people who deal with social anxiety..you'd have to check what is available in your area...that could take the pressure off since the people there are all socially anxious.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

sandyshore said:


> HI tehuti. Do you mind if I ask what you mean by going solo?


Masturbating. I didn't want to use the word itself, but I guess I kind of have to, now. ops :lol



sandyshore said:


> also, if you go to the site meetup.com there are different meetups for activities,etc there including specific ones for people who deal with social anxiety..you'd have to check what is available in your area...that could take the pressure off since the people there are all socially anxious.


I checked out Meetup just out of curiosity recently and there isn't *anything* going on within like 25 miles of my hometown...and there isn't anything anxiety related within over 100 miles (the site doesn't measure anything higher than that aside from "any distance"). :sigh I also don't relate to people well if all we have in common is anxiety...I have certain hobbies/interests I'd like to share with others, but again, there's nobody around here to share them with.

Kind of have to be resigned to being alone. :/


----------



## Eastcheap (Oct 31, 2012)

tehuti88 said:


> I checked out Meetup just out of curiosity recently and there isn't *anything* going on within like 25 miles of my hometown...and there isn't anything anxiety related within over 100 miles


That's pretty much been my experience as well. What's more, the meetups that _are_ close by (by which I mean within fifty or sixty miles) tend to be of the "professional networking" variety.


----------



## sandyshore (Aug 31, 2014)

tehuti88 said:


> Masturbating. I didn't want to use the word itself, but I guess I kind of have to, now. ops :lol
> 
> I checked out Meetup just out of curiosity recently and there isn't *anything* going on within like 25 miles of my hometown...and there isn't anything anxiety related within over 100 miles (the site doesn't measure anything higher than that aside from "any distance"). :sigh I also don't relate to people well if all we have in common is anxiety...I have certain hobbies/interests I'd like to share with others, but again, there's nobody around here to share them with.
> 
> Kind of have to be resigned to being alone. :/


Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything I just find that interesting. Maybe there is more than social anxiety there, something that a sex therapist can help with.
That is too bad there is no meetups around you...I have been considering going to one but I am almost worried that if I focus on meeting people with social anxiety, it will be worse for me in the long run since I have to deal with all kinds of people when I start dating or go back to work,etc.
But it sounds good just for meeting up when you have no one to do an activity or outing with...........If there are none in your area you can also start a meetup and then maybe post the meetup page in one of these forums.


----------



## apk55 (Aug 14, 2014)

komorikun said:


> What did she die from?


Liver cancer.
I gave her as much support as I could, but she ended up in a nursing home. Unfortunately at the time I was working away from home, so I could only see her at weekends.
I still put flowers on her grave each year, probably the only one who does now.


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

I've never received love. Enough said. For most part in my life I almost thought I was too ugly and dumb and never saw a reason why a girl would ever be attracted to me and actually wanted me around.

That changed somewhat. But I believe my upbringing made me a cold and a distant person. I'm very much like my father. Like him I'm very solitaire and I like doing things on my own. Besides work I spend most of my free time at home and I wouldn't even know where to go if I would try to be more outside. And I can't even remember that I even hear the words 'I love you' spoken to me in my life. I never fell short on anything don't get me wrong. My parents were not perfect but nobody is. I am the youngest of three and I always felt like a disappointment. The lesser son. I don't know why. Maybe because they just never showed any interest in me. Never pushed me to do anything. Just let me go about my own way. Never got any advise in life. Had to figure out everything by myself.

But I know it's all me and I love women. So I'm not pissy about it against women. I know it's all me. 

I don't really know where to go to meet women. I hate dating sites because I don't actually have many pictures of myself because I hate having pictures taken of me. I'm the least photogenic person in the world, even though I know I'm not the most hideous one. 

There I go again with my walls of texts.


----------



## DGLimitless (May 8, 2014)

There's nothing special about sex really.


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

DGLimitless said:


> There's nothing special about sex really.


It is pretty good TBF. Overrated simply because it is the be all and end all in our society.


----------



## DGLimitless (May 8, 2014)

Dre12 said:


> It is pretty good TBF. Overrated simply because it is the be all and end all in our society.


There are billions of pretty good things in this world.

I saw a lady today with rose shaped earrings, I thought they were pretty good. Sex is no better than those earrings.

Consumerism is just preying on peoples hormones. If I never had sex again I would not care. In fact I'm choosing to lose all interest in it really and focus on creating something great.

Did you know many geniuses never got into relationships. There's a principles to be learned there.


----------



## aleajactaest (Sep 3, 2014)

in order to destroy this virginity I joined dating sites, but I achieved nothing. since 3 years nothing... I did something wrong.. I think I never meet a girl in normal life.


----------



## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

laysiaj said:


> How does one not have any opportunities? Unless you are a hermit (which I can be sometimes), there are opportunities everywhere. It doesn't have to be in your face. It can be someone smiling at you.


Because no one is interested in me.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

DGLimitless said:


> I saw a lady today with rose shaped earrings, I thought they were pretty good. *Sex is no better than those earrings*.
> .


No offence, but they must have been _really_ nice earrings.


----------



## Pompeii (Aug 25, 2013)

don36 said:


> No offence, but they must have been _really_ nice earrings.


:lol

"Not tonight, darling. I have earrings."


----------



## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Complaining to people about how long I have existed/managed in this world without a relationship or sex, is something I can't do. Just feels wrong to me. :um Maybe if asked, in private, by someone I can trust, I will give those details. Otherwise, no.


----------



## FBJ (Aug 1, 2014)

celibate since the fall of 2000


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Well I made it! 

That's quite a milestone, and if things don't change another 10 years will go by without much interest from the opposite sex. 

I didn't plan this, but as I can't see myself with a girlfriend today/tomorrow/next week or next month all these short amounts of time accumulate into something bigger and more significant. 

I'm not sure where I go from here.


----------



## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

I can't beat that hand


----------



## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

Congrats, give yourself a hand.


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

chefdave said:


> Well I made it!
> 
> That's quite a milestone, and if things don't change another 10 years will go by without much interest from the opposite sex.
> 
> ...


Tempted to procure a high class hooker?


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Dre12 said:


> Tempted to procure a high class hooker?


Why does she have to be high class? :b

Its crossed my mind but I don't think I'd have the guts to through with it in reality.


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

chefdave said:


> Why does she have to be high class? :b
> 
> Its crossed my mind but I don't think I'd have the guts to through with it in reality.


If it has been ten years then you might as well push the boat out!


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Dre12 said:


> If it has been ten years then you might as well push the boat out!


Its certainly an option for the short-term, but I don't think it gets to the root of the problem. The problem is I don't think I'm good enough for a nice girl.


----------



## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

chefdave said:


> Its certainly an option for the short-term, but I don't think it gets to the root of the problem. The problem is I don't think I'm good enough for a nice girl.


Yeah. I hear you. I am on a six stretch right here. My reasons for being single are quite many. At times I just can't see myself ever being able to get over this hump. I envision myself joining you at that inglorious anniversary.

I have thought about seeing a call girl too but there seem to be quite a few more cons than pros (no pun intended) there for me.

I am certain that you are plenty good enough for a nice girl though.


----------



## lordseshomaru86 (Aug 13, 2013)

I've just reached the decade mark, with no signs of ending it anytime soon. The better question is: have you had opportunities to end it that you passed on? If so raise that glass high!!


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

celibacy is overrated for those who have never experienced intimacy.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

11 years now. They're quickly racking up.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

so how has this past year been for you?


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

hypestyle said:


> so how has this past year been for you?


Unusually the last couple of months have been pretty tough. When you're in your 20's it doesn't matter if you're single because time is on your side. Well things have changed now and its only just dawned on me. I'm 33 and have never really even dated, I could be leaving all this a little too late.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Buckyx said:


> why would you do that?


Do what?


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

Buckyx said:


> celibate, thats like laughing at people who cant form relationship


Sorry I don't know what you mean.


----------



## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

It'll be 12 years in September.

Great times!


----------



## debutante (Dec 29, 2009)

Wow. That's all I can say. I wouldn't make it


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

39 years. 40 in October.


----------



## Richard83 (Aug 14, 2012)

Bad looks, SA and no money to lure in chicks, now I'm 33 years into serving a celibate life sentence.

I feel like I'm about to turn this around though, having recently read advice on how to get a girlfriend: '*just be confident*!'. My god, all I have to do is flick my confidence switch! It may even cure my SA as well. This is all very exciting, I'll keep you all posted on this.


----------



## societe anonyme (Dec 12, 2009)

tehuti88 said:


> 39 years. 40 in October.


40 in September here.

(First time I've posted in years here, but I'm going through the whole 'where's the last decade/40 years gone?' mid-life crisis thing, sitting here with a friend count in single digits, no experience of an intimate relationship with anyone and no real social life that would ever allow the development of one. Blech...)


----------



## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

Let's just say, I don't need a man in the physical lol. I do little things at home if you get my drift; but nothing drastic, It's going on 10 years in January 2017. I don't plan on having sex until marriage anymore.


----------



## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

BillDauterive said:


> 27 year old male and literally no experience with girls. No kissing, holding hands, going on a date, sex, etc. Nill, nada, zip, zitch, zero. :no


42 and counting with the same lack of experiences. Still struggling, still surviving.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

chefdave said:


> Its certainly an option for the short-term, but I don't think it gets to the root of the problem. The problem is I don't think I'm good enough for a nice girl.


Just talk online to some girls from other countries. Save up some money and go visit. Virginity lost.

It's really that easy.

There are various countries where you'll be more attractive to women simply because you're from the UK. It doesn't have to necessarily be a third world country. Japanese women sometimes prefer dating outside their culture.

There is a world full of women. If you can't find anyone where you live, look elsewhere. Don't suffer the misery of loneliness.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Not really. For the majority of women getting hit on is a rare occurrence (like once every couple of years) and when it does happen 95% of the time it's by someone you are not attracted to and/or appears to be someone very sleazy.


How you dress is sometimes a factor. I've seen even extremely obese women who dress somewhat provocatively get hit on.

Do you have an online dating profile?


----------



## jdavies77 (Aug 23, 2016)

Hypestyle you maybe struggling but like you said your still surviving which is brilliant it's just goes to show that we can survive without sex lol x


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 1Peacelover (Aug 7, 2015)

25 years for me


----------



## 1Peacelover (Aug 7, 2015)

I should add,at 52 it has been 25 years for me


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

So depressing thinking about this.


----------



## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

Virgins actually have it better since they do not know how sex feels yet. Like people being born blind vs people that got blind in later life.


----------



## shana (Mar 9, 2009)

ilsr said:


> being celibate for that long due to SA can be understandable. but are you aware there are some literal 35+ year old virgin members here?


I'm a 33 year old female virgin but not by choice.


----------

