# My father has become a controlling, negative curmudgeon!



## rilakkuma (May 2, 2013)

Now at 56, it seems like my father has become unpleasant to be around. He usually doesn't want to be bothered and when he does want to be bothered, he throws a hissy fit or pouts when no one can fulfill his wishes. His control issues have reach critical mass and right now it seems like he has become bitter, unhappy and miserable. He still tells me what to do like I am a kid and I am f***ing 27 years old. He works out of town (I lived in that hellhole Detroit but he works out of town in Lansing which is an hour and a half away and where my Alma mater is. Go Spartans!), but I am temporarily staying with him for a few months to find work because I want to go back overseas next year to teach and get the HELL away from my family and Detroit is the front gate to hell with no jobs and I was losing my sanity in that city! I love my parents but nowadays I can only deal with them in dosages. They are now in their middle-ages, they are old dogs that have become increasingly stubborn and unwilling to see things from my perspective because they are older than me.

My father wants me to get a Masters degree and he is hell bent on it. He doesn't realize that A) I am financially screwed right now and being in Michigan with no jobs calling me back or paying me well does not put me in a situation where I can have the things that I need to go to school; B) I do not know exactly what I want to major in; plus, I am an artist and writer, and getting a degree in any arts & humanities field is basically a problem in this tough economy but art and humanities is all I have expertise in. If I choose a masters that I do not want in the end or can not get jobs with, I have wasted money. But he doesn't care; he just wants me to get a Masters for mostly *status* and he thinks I should get a Masters program out of the way before I get married or have babies. :roll C) I am truly not ready for grad school right now. My father only has his GED and some college experience (he dropped out in his senior year of college to move back to Kentucky to marry my mom) -- besides his parents paid for* ALL *of his college! It not as easy now as he thinks it is.

He also eats my food without asking. I have expressed this many times and he just ignores me and does it anyway. I even bought him food and he never thanks me. I have to now hide my food.

My dad is so negative. He sees no good in whatever I do now. He always have to criticize it. It is is good, he will say so but only if he is in a good mood.

The big thing that happened this week is, back in Detroit, my mom went on a business trip for three days and he told me that I had to go home and house-sit since the house was broken into two years ago.  I had plans this week and really did not want to come back to Detroit but he told me that IT WAS MY RESPONSIBILITY! My responsibility? I am a grown adult and I have a life. It's funny that when the house was first broken into, he was irritated by how much my mom and I bashed Detroit afterwards. But now, he assigns me as house sitter two years later? He never did this before. When I told him that I probably couldn't do it, he got enraged and called me immature and talked down to me like a kid. The problem is, every time my mom goes out of town, my dad always create drama. It bothers him when my mom is independent and doesn't need his help. He always seems to have a problem when my mom goes on trips. It's almost like he wants her to sit around and wait for him, hand and foot.

But what I hate is how he tries to get ME involved when I don't have **** to do it.

He also hates when we ask people for help and not him. He gets pissed and blames us for "involving others" as if he is entitled to do everything.

Living with my father has not been easy. I am glad he is letting me stay free since my name isn't on the lease and I am just looking for temp work but my father's narcissism, selfishness and *******ness has reach critical mass. He used to be a benevolent person but now he doesn't give a **** any more. He still has bitterness from issues with his brothers (who he never calls or talks to), he lost his business years ago and now is working at a plant that he has been at for seven years. He is okay working there but he doesn't act nice anymore. He almost makes me feel like he doesn't like being around me or that I am annoying to him.

I can't take it and I can't wait to move out.

Sorry if my post is LONG and discombobulated. :|


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also at the point where I can't live with my parents anymore. For me, it's my mother. I just can't relax or enjoy her company. She's always been overly critical and prone to hissy fits, but I only realized when I moved out how damaging her behavior was. And I think she, like your father, has only gotten worse over the years. Or perhaps I've just gotten less able to tolerate it. 

I hope things get better for you soon!


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## rilakkuma (May 2, 2013)

firestar said:


> I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also at the point where I can't live with my parents anymore. For me, it's my mother. I just can't relax or enjoy her company. She's always been overly critical and prone to hissy fits, but I only realized when I moved out how damaging her behavior was. And I think she, like your father, has only gotten worse over the years. Or perhaps I've just gotten less able to tolerate it.
> 
> I hope things get better for you soon!


I hope things get better for you, too. I can talk to my mother more and we have a good relationship but she is such a "know-it-all" and she is overly critical and opinionated about everything. It drives me nuts. :mum


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