# Share your failed attempts at getting a girlfriend/boyfriend (Here are mine)



## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship. From my post you'll see why (I laugh at them now, sorta... but back then I got really depressed over them). Here are my attempts:

*Girl 1*: I saw a cute girl sitting outside of my Economics class (I believe I was a Junior in college). We spoke about school and books. She was friendly and easy to talk to. Each time she saw me, she would talk to me. So I thought, maybe this girl likes me...

Anyways, one day I decided to walk with her (I noticed that instead of going to the parking lot, she walked quite a distance). I told her that I was going to the library- which was in the direction that she walked. When in reality, I was walking away from my car and I didn't have to go to the library. I really just wanted to be with her. So we spoke some and I got her name, which lead me to her email (I was able to look up classmates through "Black Board") As we got to the library, she pointed at it and said, "Theres the library."

I should have known then that she knew I liked her and that she wasn't that comfortable around me. Its not like I was new to the campus... I knew where the library was! So I stepped in the library, waited a minute for her to pass by, and then I walked all the way back to my car which was parked 1/4 of a mile away.

I spoke to her via e-mail a few times and I got her AIM screen name. I even said something pathetic along the lines of: "Even if I fail this class, it doesn't matter... I'm glad that I got to meet you." You see both of us were struggling in the class.

One day I e-mailed her and told her the deal with the library. I said I made it up just so I could walk with her. She said it was cute and that I could sit next to her in class and I could walk with her. I took her up on that and when I sat next to her she said to her friend, "mbp86 (ok not really lol), is sitting next to the big girls now!" The way she said it made me feel like crap. She sounded like one of those b----es from "The Bad Girls Club."

The class ended and I ended up walking with her and her friend. Well I trailed-- the 2 of them kept talking to each other and the girl I liked would occasionally turn around and say something to me. Eventually her friend split and I had a minute to talk to my crush. I asked her if she liked me the way that I liked her and she rudely said, "I just got out of a relationship!" Prior to me talking to her about that, the two of us spoke in the library and she told me about her break up with her boyfriend.

Well, I stopped talking to her after that! She made me feel really crappy and I decided it was best to leave her alone.

*Girl #2: *I happened to be put in a group with a cute girl in my Business class. The professor wanted us to get to know each other better by asking out group members questions. When my crush asked me, "What is your favorite restaurant?" I told her Subway and she laughed. We spoke some during the class and she seemed to like me. She smiled when talking to me, asked me questions, and found me funny.

The class ended and the 2 of us headed to the bookstore to buy our books. I talked to her about school and stuff. I ended up buying my book before her and she had to talk to the salesman about something. Well, I ran out of stuff to say, so I told her, "It was nice talking to you and I'm gonna go." So I went out and before I took another step, I said to myself "mbp86, get her number!"

I stepped back in the bookstore and as I did she was heading out. So I walked with her again, trying to think of stuff to say. We ended up walking to the parking lot and she pointed at her car. I then said bye to her. The whole situation was a little awkward. I kept thinking, I hope she doesn't think I'm a stalker.

I told my mom about what happened and I asked her what I should say in my email to her (Yeah I chickened out again and resorted to e-mail). My mom said I should say "It was nice talking to you, want to hang out some time?" So I typed that. A few days passed and no response.

Our business class was moved to another room, so I decided to get there early and sit in the front. I hoped that the girl I liked would sit next to me. She didn't, in fact, she ended up sitting in the very back and directly behind me. I thought, maybe she did that so I couldn't make eye contact with her. The class ended and as I turned around to look at her, I saw her dart out of the room! She literally ran out of the class.

She never replied to my email.

*Girl #3:* I noticed a cute girl in my Statistics class. Like Girl 2, she ended up being in my group. One day she asked if anyone could help her with the assignment and I volunteered to help her out in the computer lab. I completely blanked out and I was unable to help her out (Which was funny cause I understood the material and made an A in the class). So she ended up getting help from another classmate. She was nice though and she thanked me for trying to help her out.

For an in-class problem, I was paired up with her again. I looked at her and smiled and she said to me with a smile, "WHAT!?" I told her nothing. But the truth was, I was looking at her eyes. She had beautiful eyes.

Like the other girls, I spoke to her via email (and some times in class too). Whenever she would see me, she would smile at me and wave hi. Eventually, she accepted my Facebook invitation and I told her the deal about that day. I said to her, "You know when I was smiling at you and you said What? Well, I was really looking at your eyes. I think you have pretty eyes."

The next day I logged on to Facebook to see that she had removed me from her friends. I ended up looking down on the ground every time she passed me.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It seems particularly #2 and #3 seemed to have at least some form of interest in you, at least I would think that if I was getting similar signals. Perhaps you simply came on too hard and fast and it made them really uncomfortable or something, or perhaps you are the kind of person who others can easily relate to and you give off a friendly vibe but they are less interested in pursuing a full on relationship.

Or perhaps you are just really unlucky lol. I dunno, at least you have the confidence to do what you have and approach them and talk etc, if you keep doing that I am sure you will eventually meet someone.

As for me, well since I have zero confidence, every time I have been in some way shape or form involved it has always been because they initiated it but due to various circumstances they have never worked out, but they have certainly helped me improve my confidence etc.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I've had 2 girls like me. But I wasn't physically attracted to either. Now I'm thinking I made a mistake. I am too old to not have any relationship experience. I fear that if I ever get a girlfriend, she will think less of me for never having been with a woman. I'm like a 13 year old trapped in a 23 year old body... in terms of likes and lack of a social life. 

Unlike folks my age who party, drink, and go to clubs, I'd much rather stay inside and watch "Mrs. Doubtfire," go bowling, or play video games. Sigh, if I don't get out and do things that women do, I'll never meet someone. I'm not confident enough to approach a random girl, start up a conversation, and ask her out. I just happened to talk to these girls because A) They spoke to me first or B) I was forced to interact with them through due to them being in my group.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

I sent a hand written love letter soaked in tea and scented to a chick I met on the internet. No reply. I'm not sure if it was my lousy cursive or just a wild goose chase. In the future, I'll make it look even more old fashion.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

Judging from my experiences so far, in-class situations are not ideal for meeting people. I only got one date out of about two years of college and it didn't go that well. I can kind of relate to your stories, although like Ospi I think I tend to err on the not-being-forward side. 

I remember seeing a really cute girl on the first day of a 100 level math class. I was already sitting in a seat all the way across the room (it was a big room) so I just stayed there and made a note of where she was sitting. The next day I came a bit early and sat close to that spot. She walked in, sat down, and said hi. I said hi back and we talked a bit about the class (math is hard, yada yada). We kept talking every day and I was really surprised at how easy it was to talk to her. I hate dead space in conversations but that was never a problem when talking to her (I guess only having 5-10 min to talk before class helps). It wasn't that she dominated the conversation, I just felt unusually comfortable and talkative when we would chit chat. 

After awhile we started walking back to our cars together. I started to get the feeling that she liked me. One day I finally worked up the confidence to ask if she wanted to maybe hang out some time. Her answer shocked me slightly. It went something like, "Yeah, that would be fun! You should come hang out with me and my boyfriend and his friends when we go bowling!" It was only then that I realized that she was just a very sociable person who was being friendly with me. We still talked till the end of the quarter, but I'll tell you one thing...I didn't go bowling... :teeth


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## Jackie1234 (Jan 30, 2010)

mbp86 said:


> I've had 2 girls like me. But I wasn't physically attracted to either. Now I'm thinking I made a mistake. I am too old to not have any relationship experience. I fear that if I ever get a girlfriend, she will think less of me for never having been with a woman. I'm like a 13 year old trapped in a 23 year old body... in terms of likes and lack of a social life.
> 
> Unlike folks my age who party, drink, and go to clubs, I'd much rather stay inside and watch "Mrs. Doubtfire," go bowling, or play video games. Sigh, if I don't get out and do things that women do, I'll never meet someone. I'm not confident enough to approach a random girl, start up a conversation, and ask her out. I just happened to talk to these girls because A) They spoke to me first or B) I was forced to interact with them through due to them being in my group.


Oh my gosh, everything you said. Just change the sexes and that is my life. My friend and I just had the longest conversation about that yesterday. Also, I "laugh" at my failed attempts because honestly I feel that it's better than crying about them&#8230;.still. I'm 21 years old and never had a boyfriend. I've never even had a guy tell me he liked me. Failed attempt: Recently, the "I'm just out of a relationship and still love my ex" guy. My all time fave story is, in senior year of high school, my friends teasing this guy that we were going on a date. So he asked me, as we waited for my mom to pick us up. (Yeah I'm awesome and didn't have a license until I graduated.) 
"What is this?" 
Me I was holding a flower I just took off a bush and was holding my hair so it did not hit me in the face, "Um&#8230;..chillin' outside in the wind with a flower?" 
Him: "No&#8230;&#8230;.is this a date." 
"Oh!!" 
Him: I don't think it is." 
Me: "It could be&#8230;" 
Him: "I don't think it is." 
Me "It could be&#8230;" 
That continued five more times and then we waited in silence for my mom to get us. Rational person would have stopped trying to get him to like her. Not me! Continued for four months.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

drealm said:


> I sent a hand written love letter soaked in tea and scented to a chick I met on the internet. No reply. I'm not sure if it was my lousy cursive or just a wild goose chase. In the future, I'll make it look even more old fashion.


Yeah, next time, burn the edges a bit.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I always get the girl..... /end dream sequence


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I have never told a guy I liked him. The closest thing I've ever done to that did end up in failure though. It was a co-worker that was too young for me anyway, so it's alright really. 

Anyway, he was telling me about a comment our other co-worker left on his facebook page, and how his ex-girlfriend didn't respond. I didn't realize he had broken up with his girlfriend and stupidly asked in the middle of his story, "you broke up with your girlfriend?"...he was like, "...yea..."

It was awkward cause that wasn't really a big component to the story, so the fact that I noticed it may have given my feelings away.

In separate news I slept in my make-up and went to class today, and a guy randomly said hi to me at school. It's funny because I normally just go to school with no make-up cause I'm tired and don't want to socialize that early anyway, so what's the point? But wearing makeup made a difference. How sad. I just smiled and said nothing...sorry random guy.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

I'll share a few after I actually work up the balls to try. I can't even start a convo with a girl _on the internet_ at this point, much less real life. You should be proud of making the attempts mbp, even if they did end in failure. Sometimes things don't work out and it's neither parties fault. Miscomunication is pretty easy to come by. Every experience you have, good or bad, presents an opportunity to learn and grow, it doesn't matter if you're 13 or 23 or 53. You may be a late bloomer in the dating world like many of us here, but it's never too late to improve yourself and and experience a fulfilling relationship.



drealm said:


> I sent a hand written love letter soaked in tea and scented to a chick I met on the internet. No reply. I'm not sure if it was my lousy cursive or just a wild goose chase. In the future, I'll make it look even more old fashion.





pita said:


> Yeah, next time, burn the edges a bit.


Don't forget the stamped wax seal.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

Hey I'm kind of like you, no real relationships to speak of 3 years older.. just forced myself to approach a girl this last week from one of my classes, may have a date tomorrow  don't know where it will lead though shes going away for the summer. I know it will be 10x easier next time.

From what I read it sound like you're coming on too strong. That's a no-no to ask her if she likes you in the same way save that for much later - it puts her on the spot and makes you look really insecure.
I wouldn't admit to a girl I liked them in that way, I'd simply ask them out casually It is sort of implied you like her if you ask her out, and saying it makes things more akward. It's ok to slip in how you like her - try to do it in a non direct way, and not too much, and also after you've talked to her for a reasonable amount of time. You kind of go out as a friend and just go hang out so things develop naturally. Try not to resort to email - but if you have to it's better than nothing, and does work; though I'd make sure you had talked to the  person for a fair amount of time before hand.

I don't see how in class would be a bad place to meet girls honestly, you're there together, you have something in common to talk about to get things rolling. I guess the fact it's harder to find single people cause they don't necessarily gravitate to those spots anymore than people that aren't single. You're doing much better than most of us on these boards putting your self out there and talking to girls.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I dont have any failed attempts i want to share but Let me tell you why I think you blew it because this might help you in the future..... emailing the girls telling them you lied to go to the library comes off as desperate.. and the pretty eye thing is sort of creepy because youre being too forward ,you have to play a little game. i wouldnt have told those things to those girls unless you had already gone on a few dates and they already liked you then they would have been all like "AWwwww thats so cute" and really meant it. it was too soon and seems desperate i think they liked you before that though. play it a little smoother next time


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## Brit90 (Apr 30, 2010)

I think the only failed attempt I had was back in middle school. I had never dated before and I had a "crush" on someone I barely knew. (I use the pretenses because I don't think I really liked him. More of a "I wonder what dating is like" kind of thing.) Well, someone ended up talked me into asking them out and of course they said no. I wasn't really disappointed or anything. 

To be honest, I've never really been big on dating. I just never really cared much. I think people should make good friends before they make a significant other. Otherwise it's just a shot in the dark that's more than likely to miss.

And I have to agree with Kathy. If you barely know them, saying those sorts of things comes off as very weird. I mean, you only talked to them a few times! It comes off as really insincere and desperate. Make friends first. Girlfriends later.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Picture it......Fall, 1995
She played alto saxophone; I played flute. She was 18; I was 20. We were young. We were naive. We were friends and I knew her cousin from a class we took. She couldn't decide whether or not she wanted to date me, but her cousin said she had considered it. 

In 1996, she began seeing a 23 year old, divorced man with three children aged 5, 3, and 1. By then, I backed off. In early 1997, I thought they had broken up - so on Valentine's Day 1997, I asked her to be my Valentine. Such luck, she went back to him after he gave her a silver bracelet. After the basketball season ended (hence the instrument reference), we went our separate ways only to meet one final time for an update conversation before I graduated in March, 1999.

I still kind of think "what would have happened?" - she was a nice girl, but I was nowhere near ready for a relationship at that time anyway. :sigh


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I've had 3 girlfriends. One lasted a few weeks, another four months but we only met once a week and the latest one 18 months but was a long distance relationship. Basically not much to write home about. 

The first girl i liked properly i eventually wrote a love letter after months of making it obvious i liked her without actually saying so. She told me she had just got back with an ex, but i doubt she would've been interested in me anyway.

There have been other girls i've worked with or studied on the same course or lived in the same dorm that i've fancied, but the SA/lack of personality or whatever you want to call it has prevented me from expressing myself or making myself interesting to a woman.

About 6 years ago there was a girl i liked at an internet cafe i went to a lot and i sort of got the impression she might like me. One day i thought what the hell and i asked her out. I never did that directly to a girl before. She had a boyfriend though.

About 5 years ago there was a french girl i worked with and she offered me a lift home one night after a work dinner. I thought maybe she might be interested in me but i didn't have the nerve to ask her inside.

About 3 years ago i liked a girl that worked as a waitress in a coffee shop. I wanted to try and talk to her like just ask how she was but i couldnt even manage that.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

*#1* - When I was in college I cold approached a girl I'd never spoken to before and asked for her number. Surprisingly she gave it to me and I gave her mine as well. Even more surprising, she called me first and actually seemed into me! But that quickly died out as soon as she started asking questions and realized I had no social life whatsoever and wasn't even close to being on the same page with her drinking and partying lifestyle.

*#2* - I asked out a girl at work a few years ago. She rejected me by giving me the ol' "I'm not looking to date anyone right now" excuse. Her Myspace profile at the same indicated the exact opposite. But oh well, what can you do. If I'm not her type, then I'm not her type.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I've learned from my mistakes. I also don't have Social Anxiety. I am just shy and introverted (especially around women). I think I really need to develop a personality and a social life before I even approach women. Thanks for the replies btw.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

*Attempt 1*: freshman year of college

I was desperate, I admit it. She wasn't even attractive. She said no
*
Attempt 2*: sophomore year in college

I really liked this one. How I asked her out was a bit shaky, but not as bad as Attempt 1. She said no.
*
Attempt 3*: now

What will happen? Won't know until I finally work up the cajones to ask her, which will hopefully be sometime soon :-x


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I have never failed, and have never succeeded. At least I have never risked getting my heart broken. But I have made two stupid mistakes in my past...

Girl #1: 6th grade, middle of class, she stands up and says she likes or loves me during a presentation on what we are going to do in the summer (I can't remember). Anyway, we had never really talked before this, and was totally out of left field. She was cute though.
Things might have been different had it been 7th or 8th grade, but even back then I knew the odds that grade school relationships wouldn't last and I didn't want to get hurt. If I had a time machine, that would be mistake #2 to fix.

Girl #2: College, after Chemistry class a friend of my chemistry lab parter asks me to get some coffee sometime. I said I don't drink coffee, then she had a confused look on her face... I didn't figure it out until 2 or 3 years after that what had happened.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Holy crap there are a lot. To this day, I've never been in a real relationship and I've never had sex. I'll leave out the few girls that were into me, but whom I wasn't into and never tried with (perhaps for another post). And I'll try to sum up and remember each of them. Don't be afraid to laugh: I find it just as funny as you do. Enjoy!

1. I was 17 years old (I will sum up my age by putting a number for at the begining of each of these): I didn't really know what really liking someone felt like, but I was lonely and wanted a gf. I asked, she (Indian girl) said, "If you knew my family and they liked you, maybe, but no." I may be Indian just like you, but sorry, I'm not into the whole arranged marriage thing, my dear.

2. 17: An Indian girl (15 years old) always went out of her way to talk to me, and my friends told me she wanted me. I found her physically attractive, but mentally repulsive, the shallow, vacuous actress type. I asked for her number, called, we went to the movies and she was on her cell most of the time. I went to her bday party, she told me she didn't want to date anyone because she wanted to focus on her acting career. But did so overly dramatically. Ended with "I wish you had asked me to prom" and the reason for her behavior toward me all came together.

3. 17: Asian girl, I fell hopelessly in love with her after becoming friends with her, my first crush. She unloaded all her emotional crap on me and I lapped it up, imagining that we were getting closer. She told me she liked one of my friends pretty often, and I was torn up inside. Eventually, I got really angry and tried to hurt her by telling her that I told him she likes him (ah, high school drama). I told the truth (that I didn't actually tell). I wrote her a long email about my feelings for her. No reply.

4. 18: Drunk at my brother's frat party (in high school). She was 19. I was slobbering all over her (Asian girl). She resisted at first, but then gave me her number. My brother told me she was a sl*t and ripped up her number. Thanks, bro (sarcasm).

5. 18: Drunk at a frat party (in college). I would get wasted and ask to dance with girls. They would usually get bored, but this one (the most amazing body on an Indian girl I've ever seen!) I asked to get some air with. We talked, got her number. We went out at the dining hall (huge mistake). That was the end of that. (We had to work together in a volunteer organization the next year, and she was constantly condescending to me. Yeah, screw you, hot b****.)

6. 18: Met her through the Indian Student Union. This was probably the most all-around beautiful Indian girl I've ever tried for (and perhaps the most beautiful girl among all the girls that I've tried for regarless of race). Beautiful face, hair, eyes, and amazing body (she didn't have curves like #5, but still amazing). We were friends (she was very friendly) and I thought I might have a chance, but she knew a LOT of guys, and I knew that all of them probably wanted her, and so I probably couldn't hope to compete. Drunk at a club. She went off from our group. I found her throwing up outside, being attended by some older guy who was obviously trying to impress her with his manly confidence and caring. On the bus on the way back to campus, I implied that we might be more than friends, she said she was happy to just keep me as a friend. Didn't talk to her much after that because I was jaded by the Indian Student Union's racism disguised as "promoting Indian culture." I think maybe if I had remained, I might have met someone who might have wanted me.

7. 18: Drunk in the dorms (why do so many of my younger tries begin with "Drunk?"). She was a part of the circle I ran with. I thought she was pretty despite a skin deformity, but she was one of the most vacuous, shallow, annoying, horrible people I know. But because I was REALLY drunk, I considered it (151 is a h*ll of a drink!). I mentioned this to my friend and was on my way to do it. My friend throws me back onto someone's bed and talks some sense into me. To this day, I consider him one of my very good friends.

8. 19: We went ice skating with a group. I liked her (Asian). We had a good time messing around in the rink. I asked her out in front of my friends. She said no. My good friend, laughing, says, "Holy crap! That was the most painful thing I've ever seen, but I respect you for trying, man." Hella painful, my Bay Area Bro.

9. 19: Met her (white girl, a year older than me) at a blood donation center after 9/11. We both donated to help the victims. Had a great conversation, asked her out, she got really uncomfortable and said she had a boyfriend. I guess national disasters don't make for a good aphrodisiac.

10. 20: We met in class, I thought she was cute and very cool (white girl, 1 year older). Got her number so that we could "study" together for finals. Of course, I didn't need help. Never got the balls to call. Met her randomly at a bar a few months later with a random ugly white dude all over her.

11. 20: Tijuana, Mexico. Really hot white girl, looked angry. I asked her to dance. She said no. I left, came back later, and asked what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help. She said no. I asked to if I could get her a drink. She said no. I said that if she wants to talk, she can come find me. An hour later (the night is yet young in TJ), she finds me and asks if I would walk her to her car across the border. I agree, chivalrously (TJ is pretty shady and potentially dangerous for a pretty girl) and somewhat tipsy. I walk her way the crap away to her car. Before I could ask for her number, she runs to her car. Who needs mace when you've got a nice guy, huh? I go way the crap back to the club and to my friends in time to see girls flashing for the "dance contest." Sometimes, it's hard to stay mad.

12. 21: A pretty good friend (Asian, 1 year older). I mentioned to her friends that I thought she was cute. They tricked me (us?) into going on a date with her (we were all supposed to go, but they all dropped, and she was the only one that didn't; I wouldn't have objected to a date). We smoked hookah, she threw up in an alley. I fidgeted about 5 ft away wonder what the crap I should do (seriously, what the crap do you do when a girl throws up on a first date, especially when you're really inexperienced!?!?). I didn't realize until later that the right thing to do was to ask her out again. A month later, at a bar with friends, some random older white dude hits on her. I make a snide comment. He asks if I'm with her. I think for a second, look at her, she looks at me, I look away. I say "No." Again, the wrong thing to do. He gets her number.

13. 21: I ask a co-worker (Asian, 1 year older, very Christian) on a volunteer hotline we both worked on for her im. Asked her to dinner over im. Dated for 1 month before I moved in for a kiss. She pulled back. End of dating. Or perhaps not dating at all in the first place. Looking back, I'm not sure it was all that clear. Incredibly embarrasing.

By this point, I swore off women. Or at least told myself I would. Continued...


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

14. 22: Met a hooker in Rome (long story). She had amazing curves. Half Italian, half God-knows-what-but-thank-God-for-it. We had a great conversation. I was in way over my head. She rubbed up against me. I was tense. She said, "You're a virgin, aren't you." I was tempted, but instead I asked if she would show me around Rome's bar scene if I paid her fee. She said yes. Unfortunately, the champagne I bought her cleaned me out so it never happened. My brother always told me never to buy drinks for the girls at strip clubs...

15. 23: We met volunteering at a summer camp for inner city kids. She (Asian) and I worked closely together throughout. We had an amazing repoire. I developed feelings for her more quickly than I had for anyone else. Camp ends, in her car on our way back, I ask if she's coming to the dinner and the afterparty. She says she can't because she has a date that night. Well, sh**. (I'm the only guy I know who hasn't met anyone in that camp who has done it for more than one year. Actually, I'm the only one among my friends that has not had sex yet.)

16. 25: I develop feelings for a girl I really don't like as a person (ain't love grand?). I was very much into my self-imposed isolation, but back in school. We met in class. She (Asian, 22) seemed interested. I figured I just had to ask, if only to get rejected so I can move on with my life. She said she was seeing someone. Thank goodness, but I still felt like crap.

17. 27: Would hang out with a colleague (Jewish, 1 year older) that I continue to have a major crush on 1 on 1. Too afraid to segue into a relationship. (I was about to tell her about my feelings a few months ago, but she was seeing someone. Then she wasn't, but I was - see #15. Now I'm not, but I don't know about her. I'm wondering if I should either break off ties to stop torturing myself and move on or just ask her out and risk awkwardness at work. Ugh.)

18. 27: A really drunk and happy colleague of mine was really touchy-feely with me at a bar (white, 2 years younger). I tried to reciprocate by putting my arms around her, but felt awkward and felt uncertain as to whether or not she wanted me to, so I dropped my arms. She picked up my arms and put them around her again. Again, I felt strange. After all, the last time we drank together, she hooked up with one of our FEMALE colleagues. Eventually, she gave me a peck on the lips and stopped trying. I work with her and occasionally think I see her looking at me, but when I look back, she is looking away. We talk pretty often, and it came up in conversation that she doesn't remember some of that night. C'est la vive.

19. 27: Online dating, for real. I didn't really like her much, though I started liking her more as it went on (white girl). She winked, I responded. She kissed me. I was awkward. I went for it after a few weeks. 3rd base (and I discovered that the best thing in the world is cuddling with a girl on my couch naked under a blanket while watching a movie). After less than 2 months she loses interest, and breaks it off with a three sentence email. It takes me 3 days before I can reply civilly.

20. 27: Online dating. Asian girl, 4 years older than me. One date. She kept saying she was usually much more energetic than she was then. All the while, I was considering slipping a sleeping pill in her coffee to get her to calm the f*** down. Sorry, honey.

21. 27: Online dating. White girl. 2 dates. Not very attractive, but she lived really close by. I imagined being able to pop in for a little who-knows-what when we felt like it. Kissed her awkwardly. She didn't feel it. Oh well, I had #15 by this time anyway.

22. 28: Met a REALLY hot white girl with glasses from Sweden(?) at a party. She was weating a bikini top (amazing C's) and a grass skirt (a Hawaiian party) from which, during our entire 30 minute conversation (I did really well), she stood with her leg forward to let her perfect thigh peek out from under the grass. We exchange numbers. I call. She forgot to mention within that entire time that she had a boyfriend (confirmed by a friend). In the immortal words of Ned Flanders, "Son of a diddly!"

23. 28: A friend recommended that I try to work on a girl (Indian, 1 year younger) he knew I thought was cute way back when. I posted on her facebook page an inoccuous "hey what's up" type message. No reply.

24. 28: Online dating. A few weeks ago, dated a white girl (5 years older!) for a week, and I really liked her, despite the fact that I probably would have hated her outside of a romantic context. First date, we fell asleep in each others arms while watching dvds. After that, she talked about the other guys she dated/was married to a bit much and I thought she was comparing me to them. Asked her out for a 4th date, she tells me she wants to go, but not as a date. I tell her I'm not looking for yet another friend right now. Goodbye, love.

25. 28: Friend of a friend who went to my high school (Asian, 2 years younger) asked me if I was seeing someone after a concert almost 2 years ago. I tell her that I've sworn off women (which I regreted every day since then because she was gorgeous, chill, smart, and SHE LIKED RADIOHEAD HOLY CRAP!!!!). When I drop her off at her place, she says, "Well, I hope you change your mind." I feel terrible, because I've been there so many times before. Haven't talked since then, but I stalked her every now and then on facebook. Saw her at the gym twice, she didn't acknowledge me, I was too afraid to say hi. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I can't take it anymore. I have to ask her. Got advice from a friend to send a casual private message on facebook asking to hang out. No reply. 
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;" -Pope

26. 28: Now. Went on a second date yesterday. Texted her for a third. Still waiting for a reply. The uncertainty kills me in dating. Yesterday, I kissed her, and her response after it was "Good times." Couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic because she was nervous. I get the sense that she comes off confident in the same way I do when I want to fake it - as if I've just met someone in a professional context. But I don't know. And now I'm overanalyzing. Crap.

Edit: #26 just dumped me. Apparently we don't have "chemistry." I still have no clue what "chemistry" means. BUT, it looks like I might have a #28 soon.

Edit: forgot one.
27. 28: #3, my biggest, most desperate, most painful, and first crush friended me on facebook a few months ago and made a random comment on one of my posts about a restaurant. I sent her a private message asking if she wanted to go there and "catch up." She said sure, but for me to send her a message next month to set something up. Next month comes around and she goes invisible. But only to me. I asked a mutual old friend (who, by the way, I once had a big crush on as well, but never went through with trying) what happened to her since I couldn't see her on facebook, and she said that #3 was still on facebook and that she could see her just fine. Recently, #3 showed up again on facebook, but ignored a message I sent her welcoming her back. I wish that more of the women I know are straightforward with guys that like them. Or at least straightforward with me.

Wow. 26 attempts, and all failed. If you see me posting something that sounds bitter, now you know why.

I think my big mistake was not the attempts (though I could have done better knowing what I do now), but that before I was 27, I would take every rejection VERY hard and would never congratulate myself for having made the attempt. I think that's what caused me to "swear off" women when I was younger, which lead to my loneliness and depression. Word to the wise: always acknowledge your own courage in making the attempt. Never let modesty get the way of feeling good about yourself for giving it a shot. Always realize that when you do make the attempt, even if you are rejected, you've accomplished much more than people without SA have (even if they did so successfully) because you have overcome your intense fear while they are doing something they have relatively few problems with.

Wow that was long. But fun!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I think my big mistake was not the attempts (though I could have done better knowing what I do now), but that before I was 27, I would take every rejection VERY hard and would never congratulate myself for having made the attempt. I think that's what caused me to "swear off" women when I was younger, which lead to my loneliness and depression. Word to the wise: always acknowledge your own courage in making the attempt. Never let modesty get the way of feeling good about yourself for giving it a shot. Always realize that when you do make the attempt, even if you are rejected, you've accomplished much more than people without SA have (even if they did so successfully) because you have overcome your intense fear while they are doing something they have relatively few problems with.


I think this is a very important paragraph and certainly something I need to learn and actually believe. Doing so is another story though but I will get there.

Sorry to hear about your failed attempts but it seems like you are pretty much there, just a case of meeting that one who would like to take it the next step, and I dare say you would be pretty close.


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## Nelly (Mar 10, 2010)

drealm said:


> I sent a hand written love letter soaked in tea and scented to a chick I met on the internet. No reply. I'm not sure if it was my lousy cursive or just a wild goose chase. In the future, I'll make it look even more old fashion.


What a shame ! I would love getting letters like that but im always the one sending them to men and of course i get no replies too.

This just reminded me of a book im reading with real life cases . Some girl took the time to write her deepest romantic feelings and the guy just wrote back on a greasy fast food paper :WE ARE DONE! Sad but true...


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

I wonder what the average number of attempts is per year for guys. I bet 26 attempts for a 28 year old is probably a small number lol (Assuming they keep getting rejected, of course). Keep on trying, I don't think I could if I got rejected that many times. They say, don't take it personally but it's hard not to. It's better for you to think that there was something wrong with all of those women (except the one who liked you). Heh...


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

mbp86 said:


> I wonder what the average number of attempts is per year for guys. I bet 26 attempts for a 28 year old is probably a small number lol


Oh, do NOT even say that >_<


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Witan said:


> Oh, do NOT even say that >_<


I bet if you ask a guy who is a "Pick Up Artist," he will say he has made 100s of attempts :teeth


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

mbp86 said:


> I bet if you ask a guy who is a "Pick Up Artist," he will say he has made 100s of attempts :teeth





> I bet if you ask a guy who is a "Pick Up Artist,"





> "Pick Up Artist,"


Problem located.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Edit: #26 just dumped me. Apparently we don't have "chemistry." I still have no clue what "chemistry" means. BUT, it looks like I might have a #28 soon.

Edit: forgot one.
27. 28: #3, my biggest, most desperate, most painful, and first crush friended me on facebook a few months ago and made a random comment on one of my posts about a restaurant. I sent her a private message asking if she wanted to go there and "catch up." She said sure, but for me to send her a message next month to set something up. Next month comes around and she goes invisible. But only to me. I asked a mutual old friend (who, by the way, I once had a big crush on as well, but never went through with trying) what happened to her since I couldn't see her on facebook, and she said that #3 was still on facebook and that she could see her just fine. Recently, #3 showed up again on facebook, but ignored a message I sent her welcoming her back. I wish that more of the women I know are straightforward with guys that like them. Or at least straightforward with me.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

STKinTHEmud, I see you getting laid very soon! Keep up the attempts!


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

mbp86 said:


> STKinTHEmud, I see you getting laid very soon! Keep up the attempts!


Thanks! I'm trying!


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Damn. I tip my hat to you, STK, for having the balls to ask all those women out. I wish i could offer some advice, but I've got jack**** to offer. I've asked maybe six girls out in my lifetime, which is my problem.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Thanks! I'm trying!


I dont know how to double quote or whatever, meant to put from the other guy "I see you getting laid very soon, keep it up"

Are you guys joking around or is this the actual main reason youre asking ladies out?? :no


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

kathy903 said:


> I dont know how to double quote or whatever, meant to put from the other guy "I see you getting laid very soon, keep it up"
> 
> Are you guys joking around or is this the actual main reason youre asking ladies out?? :no


No, we just want to ask out ladies to get to know them better and not to have sex with them.

:yes


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

mbp86--I wouldn't put much stock in those girls' reactions to you in terms of getting bummed out but I would use them to perhaps change your approach. Perhaps the problem is a combination of them being snooty and your not having a very good approach, meaning that it's not entirely their fault or yours. I'm certainly not qualified to give advice on this but it seems to me that women get uncomfortable when guys they don't know very well come on too strongly and comment on their looks. I guess today that's considered "creepy". Perhaps it's the change in times and maybe this was more acceptable in older days when people didn't have to be so worried about their personal safety (not saying you're dangerous or anything). I'd take it more casually. Also, is it possible these women were out of your league somewhat? 

As for myself, at 34 I've never even made a single attempt to ask out any woman. That's pretty lame.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Rejection sucks, period. I don't' care how long you've been asking girls out or what you look like or how successful you are, it will always suck. That is why dating sucks. BUT that is the way it is. I go into it expecting more rejections than anything, and people can tell me I'm good looking, ok looking, etc, it doesn't matter. Rejections happen to everyone. It sucks. It sucks..oh..and it sucks. I guess it is all about how you react when you get rejected. Do you keep trying? Do you lose self-confidence? Do you go into long period of question mode? I'd like to pick the first one, but often it doesn't work that way. You just got to keep trucking; keep trying.

A lot of getting "rejection" has little to do with your approach, but sometimes it does. You really won't get that until you see your not doing anything wrong, but just not doing nothing.


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

kathy903 said:


> I dont know how to double quote or whatever, meant to put from the other guy "I see you getting laid very soon, keep it up"
> 
> Are you guys joking around or is this the actual main reason youre asking ladies out?? :no


We do it for a multitude of reasons. Cultural and biological pressures (and hence the sense of accomplishment upon "getting laid") are undeniably part of the equation, but we also do it for things like love, companionship, and wanting children.

I'm sure some guys also mistakenly perceive all women as just wanting their money, even though we both know that is very rarely the primary reason why women date.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Kathy903--From your tone, it seems like you're saying it's bad to want to have sex. Yes, that's the main reason many, many, many people (men and women) date, and nothing is wrong with it. Or were you just joking around?

I agree, STKintheMud, that you're going to hit that homer pretty soon. I admire your gumption.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

bwidger: I agree. Rejection blows. But it's merely a hurdle on the way to the next lap.

Kathy: I asked all those women out intending to have a relationship with them, a relationship which included sex. But I do want sex, and if I had the opportunity to have sex without a relationship, a one night stand, or what have you, I would take it. I hope you're not judging me simply for wanting sex alone. It isn't your place to judge me for what I want, and I refuse to feel ashamed for who I am.



IcedOver said:


> I agree, STKintheMud, that you're going to hit that homer pretty soon. I admire your gumption.


Thanks Iced! I'm hoping you'll get out there and do the same!


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Sorry to revive this thread, but I've got a pretty good record of past attempts going on here, and I'd like to keep recording.

28. 28: The first girl I went out with that I met online that was actually younger than I am (by four years). She sent me a wink AND a 2 sentence comment on a post I made. We sent messages back and forth (her grammar was bad and she didn't capitalize much, but I thought, "why not") and had a date last night. It seemed the only thing we could connect on was music and at some point during dinner, she suddenly seemed a whole lot more condescending and patronizing. Kind of funny, considering that she had a bit of spinach stuck in her teeth the whole time. Sorry, honey, you're not nearly smart or hot enough for me to want to put up with that crap. It will be nice to turn one down for a change, rather than being turned down myself.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

^that's funny. good for you!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Sorry to revive this thread, but I've got a pretty good record of past attempts going on here, and I'd like to keep recording.
> 
> 28. 28: The first girl I went out with that I met online that was actually younger than I am (by four years). She sent me a wink AND a 2 sentence comment on a post I made. We sent messages back and forth (her grammar was bad and she didn't capitalize much, but I thought, "why not") and had a date last night. It seemed the only thing we could connect on was music and at some point during dinner, she suddenly seemed a whole lot more condescending and patronizing. Kind of funny, considering that she had a bit of spinach stuck in her teeth the whole time. Sorry, honey, you're not nearly smart or hot enough for me to want to put up with that crap. It will be nice to turn one down for a change, rather than being turned down myself.


Bleh I cannot even get myself to try and communicate with someone who doesn't actively review there messages for mass spelling corrections, no matter how attractive I find them to be physically. When it's clear they've mispelled basically every second word, and they send it too me that way it just shows how much effort they would really be willing to put into getting to know me, which is what I'm ultimately looking for.


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

college girls are so deceiving, I never asked one out but I know that whole deal with a girl acting all friendly but doesn't really want anything to do with you.


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## Zeddicus (Apr 1, 2009)

I have never even attempted to approach a girl I was interested in for fear of rejection. Ever.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

kenny87 said:


> college girls are so deceiving, I never asked one out but I know that whole deal with a girl acting all friendly but doesn't really want anything to do with you.


Girls like that are just really into playing games, I'm into girls who will just play it straight, no mind games. They are a waste of time, and why hide how you feel...


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Witan said:


> *Attempt 1*: freshman year of college
> 
> I was desperate, I admit it. She wasn't even attractive. She said no
> *
> ...


An update! I managed to ask her out. When I tried to make plans for Friday, she said she didn't know when she would be available that evening. Friday came and went, and she still hasn't spoken to me. Hooray!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

TallGuy87 said:


> A girl working cashier winked at me once... I don't know if that's classified as a failed attempt but I view it as so because I don't think a girl has ever winked at me or even in my vicinity at someone else. lol


Maybe she just had something in her eye and you saw her when it was bothering her.... jk

Yeah I assume a wink is a good thing, one step above a smile, one step below getting flashed.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

STKinTHEmud--Just curious -- would you consider yourself good looking? Because you seem to have had a lot of luck meeting women from internet dating sites, including the one you just mentioned who contacted you.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Bleh I cannot even get myself to try and communicate with someone who doesn't actively review there messages for mass spelling corrections, no matter how attractive I find them to be physically. When it's clear they've mispelled basically every second word, and they send it too me that way it just shows how much effort they would really be willing to put into getting to know me, which is what I'm ultimately looking for.


Yeah, I feel the same way. Plus, I think the way they write messages says a lot about their intelligence and maturity, and low intelligence and maturity are deal breakers for me. I once had a girl send me a message out of nowhere that was not only poorly written, but also teasing my taste in music. You'd think that she would know better than to send that kind of message to a Lit scholar. She wasn't that pretty, but I would have given it a shot if she had at least TRIED to spell correctly.



IcedOver said:


> STKinTHEmud--Just curious -- would you consider yourself good looking? Because you seem to have had a lot of luck meeting women from internet dating sites, including the one you just mentioned who contacted you.


I'm average looking, but I'm a bit better looking now than I was a while ago. Being Indian also kind of hurts my chances with some women. I used to have normal pictures of myself smiling pleasantly in collared shirts on my profile, but that got me maybe one positive reply out of about 60 messages sent. So I started taking new pictures of myself every now and then and came out with one really good picture. After that, I got more replies, 1-2 profile views a day (rather than 1-2 visits a week), and even a few short messages and winks from women I didn't contact first, but would be interested in dating. I also worked out a good process and a good format for my opening messages (but I do have to take maybe 10-15 minutes to tailor the message to the girl's profile). I still get maybe a 10% reply rate, but that's really good by comparison to what I was getting before (something like a 2% response rate for messages that would take a lot longer to craft).

If you want to see my profile or the opening message I send, shoot me a pm. That reminds me: I've got to get back on and send a few more messages.

Update: I just felt perverse satisfaction in telling #28 that I didn't feel that there was any "chemistry" between us, just as other girls have told me when they ended it. My SA wants to make me feel bad for that, but my CBT is protecting me from that bad feeling. Go me!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

STKinTHEmud said:


> Yeah, I feel the same way. Plus, I think the way they write messages says a lot about their intelligence and maturity, and low intelligence and maturity are deal breakers for me. I once had a girl send me a message out of nowhere that was not only poorly written, but also teasing my taste in music. You'd think that she would know better than to send that kind of message to a Lit scholar. She wasn't that pretty, but I would have given it a shot if she had at least TRIED to spell correctly.
> 
> I'm average looking, but I'm a bit better looking now than I was a while ago. Being Indian also kind of hurts my chances with some women. I used to have normal pictures of myself smiling pleasantly in collared shirts on my profile, but that got me maybe one positive reply out of about 60 messages sent. So I started taking new pictures of myself every now and then and came out with one really good picture. After that, I got more replies, 1-2 profile views a day (rather than 1-2 visits a week), and even a few short messages and winks from women I didn't contact first, but would be interested in dating. I also worked out a good process and a good format for my opening messages (but I do have to take maybe 10-15 minutes to tailor the message to the girl's profile). I still get maybe a 10% reply rate, but that's really good by comparison to what I was getting before (something like a 2% response rate for messages that would take a lot longer to craft).
> 
> ...


Yeah, it really amazes me how much I find intelligence to be attractive. When I was younger (yes I realise I'm still very young) and I just wanted to have sex with everything that moved I don't think I cared. But now it's either the top quality or one of the top two qualities I'm searching for in a girl.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

BetaBoy90 said:


> When it's clear they've *mispelled* basically every second word, [...]


Oh, the irony...lol. Sorry, I couldn't resist :b


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

huh said:


> Oh, the irony...lol. Sorry, I couldn't resist :b


Yeah, figures..... at least I've actually learned how to spell it now


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

Fun topic:

#1: Asked her and we went out for about a month, but didn't get beyond the awkward "Uhh...wanna see a movie?" "'kay, I guess" phase. Then she stopped talking to me altogether and I saw her with some other guy a few weeks later.

#2-3: Got number and/or e-mail. They never responded.

#4: Talked to a girl at a party, both of us drunk of course. She dragged me back to her place for second and third-base type activities. The next day she asked me to go out with her -- the next weekend, she stood me up.

#5: The time a stripper asked me out...uh, long story there.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Brit90 said:


> To be honest, I've never really been big on dating. I just never really cared much. I think people should make good friends before they make a significant other. Otherwise it's just a shot in the dark that's more than likely to miss.


Same with me, gurl. 

I am actually enjoying my solitude now, more often then not.

I would seriously not care if I never get a girlfriend or fall in love or anything, since being on my own and doing what I enjoy (during the summer months) is quite peaceful.

I guess I am not like most males my age who would rather have a girlfriend, but alas, they also have the social skills and confidence to talk to them IRL (yeah, I am SUCH a geek).


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## notyourstar (Jun 11, 2010)

kenny87 said:


> college girls are so deceiving, I never asked one out but I know that whole deal with a girl acting all friendly but doesn't really want anything to do with you.





BetaBoy90 said:


> Girls like that are just really into playing games, I'm into girls who will just play it straight, no mind games. They are a waste of time, and why hide how you feel...


Hey now, sometimes we're just being nice. I remember once my friend was teasing me about how I was flirting with this guy and I honestly had no idea that I was flirting. I wasn't aware I knew how to flirt, and I certainly didn't have the self-esteem to think anyone would be flirting with me.

As for my own attempts...

Senior year of high school, I develop a crush on this guy, who conveniently sat next to me in AP Gov. After months of pursuit, he asks me to our winter formal. After winter formal, he asks me to be his girlfriend. This seems like a good thing. It's six weeks before he finally kissed me, and I was all freaking out/over-analyzing things before that because I had never been kissed so I couldn't bring myself to initiate it, and I knew he had several ex-girlfriends and so I kept thinking he maybe didn't like me. Turns out I was wrong, because less than two months into the relationship he told me he loved me. I literally didn't speak for 30 seconds. I didn't know how to handle that because it seemed way too soon for me and I had never dated anyone before so I didn't know what I was feeling. Wracked with guilt, I ended things a couple weeks later. One of the hardest things I've ever done, I'm so bad with confrontation.

A few months ago, there was a guy (a year younger) I worked with at my work study job. I developed a crush on him, so I would start to text him because that's the easiest kind of contact for me to deal with. We talked at work and stuff too, and things seemed to be going well, and then he asked me out by leaving a note in a DVD he let me borrow. Despite knowing I liked him, I sort of had an anxiety attack after this, but eventually thought things through and said yes. Aside from a few awkward moments, the date seemed to go well. Then he asked me to see a movie with him and his friends, and I didn't know whether it was a friend thing or a date thing and I didn't know how to ask. (I wrote and rewrote about 5 different text messages trying to figure it out before finally sending something) At the movie it didn't seem like he was into me, so I assumed it was a friend thing, but then when I dropped him off (he's out-of-state and doesn't have a car at school) he went to kiss me _and I turned my head away_. I don't know why I did this. I really, really don't. I like him, I was hoping it was a date, I wanted him to kiss me. BUT I TURNED MY HEAD AWAY. And then he was like "oh...okay" And I was like, "No, sorry!" and just like ahhhh! and quickly kissed him myself and once I got back to my dorm I texted him swearing that I just panicked because I wasn't expecting it and am literally that awkward and didn't mean it. He replied saying I worried too much which made me think that maybe things would turn out okay, but I guess the damage had been done. He was always distant and way less talkative to me at work after that and now that it's summer I've tried to contact him a few times. Once I facebook chatted him and the conversation was just really stilted and another time I sent him a text and he never responded. So I give up.

tl;dr: I am easily overwhelmed and unbelievably awkward.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

notyourstar said:


> I am easily overwhelmed and unbelievably awkward.


  That story made my day.

I have heaps of stories like this... heaps. My ego tells me not to share them, however... and none of them really bother me so much anymore.

I always used to have problems knowing what was going on with girls... but now I've long since figured out how to tell when someone is interested and when they're not and that has helped. But when I can't really tell then I just assume they're not.

But really I don't think I'm ever really genuinely into someone very often-- I think it's more like I think 'will she go out with me?' as opposed to 'do i want to go out with this person?', which is probably the wrong approach... but when I do really like someone usually we at least end up being friends until they decide I'm not worth it and forget about me forever.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I have one bad rejection story it dates back to my sophmore year of high school me and this girl were really close friends we clicked so good and we were both attracted to each other but anyways i asked her out and she said no because I was a virgin at the time. I never felt so rejected in my life i was completely infatuated with this girl.I went home and wept. I was so hurt, we still remained friends for a while but she eventually dropped outta school and we stopped talking.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Keith said:


> I have one bad rejection story it dates back to my sophmore year of high school me and this girl were really close friends we clicked so good and we were both attracted to each other but anyways i asked her out and she said no because I was a virgin at the time. I never felt so rejected in my life i was completely infatuated with this girl.I went home and wept. I was so hurt, we still remained friends for a while but she eventually dropped outta school and we stopped talking.


Sophomore year, how old is that like 15 or 16 lol


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Sophomore year, how old is that like 15 or 16 lol


Whats your point i don't follow you? Like your avatar Cary Grant is the man!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Keith said:


> Whats your point i don't follow you? Like your avatar Cary Grant is the man!


Rofl I'm just saying like it's a big deal that you were a virgin at that age, honestly I can't believe someone would turn you down over that


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## intrikate (Feb 22, 2010)

The closest I had was when I was about 14 and was added to a group chat on msn. There was a guy there who I didn't know, but I asked and found out he was the same age as me at my school but we'd never come across each other. So he added me (or I him) on msn and we chatted a bit. I asked him what he looked like cos I didn't know. And then I asked a couple of girls who I knew who he was, and they pointed him out to me.

In the end these 'friends' 'dragged' me over to talk to him one lunchtime. They practically asked him out for me and I was mortified. He had a girlfriend anyway (we didn't know). I was in a science class with him for 2 years after that and never even looked at him. I hope he didn't remember. I wasn't even attracted to him, just curious.

Yeah so that was my closest thing to an 'attempt'. I can't look guys in the eye if I like them, so even if they would for some reason like me, they'd probably just think I don't like them.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Rofl I'm just saying like it's a big deal that you were a virgin at that age, honestly I can't believe someone would turn you down over that


lol yeah i know seriously! What a superficial ***** i feel bad that i ever even liked her i was young and stupid i guess


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Asked the Japanese classmate if she was from Chinatown.

And asked the retail shopper if her accent was deaf or Asian. What?


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## Rooster (Jun 17, 2010)

Twice I had 2 girls fail to turn up to the movies with me, but the most annoying one was one which just died on its own. It was a peer pressure thing, they asked her out for me, made me hug this girl and stuff, even received a condom as a "present" (but that remains unused in my draw.....still:roll). We were going to go out but she said she couldn't make it, and the relationship crumbled from there. Shame, it could have been an epic (and first) relationship.:no


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## JohnMartson (May 31, 2010)

Tried to impress this girl by writing her poems and other stuff, and we started to talk a bit, but she slowly stopped talking to me now so its like I wasted my time doing all these nice things for her.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

I just had to make a bit of a quick getaway from a pick up forum. Normally I steer clear of pick up because so much of it is designed to mess with a guys self esteem until they buy or buy into some system that will apparently change their life. But a few people recently have commented that they I have a way of helping people with what they insist on calling "inner game". Now, helping someone with their confidence and self esteem in any area of their life is important to me.

So why did I run from the pick up forum. Well, because I became a bit flippant. I'd been reading a lot of posts from guys going on and on about how they know what they are going on about as they "get laid all the time". Do they now? And?

And I made a comment about validation. Because- and I may have been wrong- but it seemed to me that none of this had anything to do with connecting with women or sharing things or enjoying experiences (even the sex). It just had to do with these men validating themselves by how many people they slept with.

Now, you guys are not like that. But I notice on this thread how when things don't lead to some sort of relationship they are looked on as "failures". So everything you did and everything that happened was some sort of waste of time because you didn't get what you thought you wanted. And trust me, we did a values exercise on the psychotherapy course and it can be remarkable to discover that what you think you want is actually a symptom of the thing you actually want.

Sometimes I speak to women because I want to talk to them and enjoy that. I had a chat with a woman who sat next to me on the train recently. It didn't lead to sex so I'm guessing that was a total waste of time and I should feel bad about myself? We're not in a relationship either so I'm guessing I should feel bad about that interaction? Didn't get her number either so again, feel bad about myself time?

She turned round when she left and said goodbye to me like we'd know each other for forever but since there was no sex and no romance to speak of it has to go down as a failure?

The belief system that I couldn't just go up and talk to a woman I didn't know had exploded and I needed to demonstrate to myself that I could do it. And I did. I acted with faith in myself and that gave me a certain amount of knowledge to act with later on. Still gonna need the faith in myself and trust as not every woman will be the same or act the same. But I got all that from one little interaction which didn't lead to sex or a relationship.

Every single interaction you have with someone is a "success". All of these stories are about "successes with women" not about failures. You might not have got what you thought you wanted out of the situation but who says you actually wanted that thing in the first place?

If the only way people can validate you is to have sex with you or get into a relationship with you then things are messed up. These people interacted with you. They validated you. You may well get to state where you don't need their validation but they still gave it to you.


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## candrnow (Jun 15, 2010)

you guys are all braver than i am, i have never even made an attempt.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

Success

I talked to a girl and said something to her. It was only a few words but I felt good about myself. I'll try to talk to her next time I see her. Maybe I'll get her name one day and ask her out. But until then, baby steps...


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## introvert33 (Jun 23, 2010)

kathy903 said:


> I dont have any failed attempts i want to share but Let me tell you why I think you blew it because this might help you in the future..... emailing the girls telling them you lied to go to the library comes off as desperate.. and the pretty eye thing is sort of creepy because youre being too forward ,you have to play a little game. i wouldnt have told those things to those girls unless you had already gone on a few dates and they already liked you then they would have been all like "AWwwww thats so cute" and really meant it. it was too soon and seems desperate i think they liked you before that though. play it a little smoother next time


yeah what she said


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

I still remember this one, in grade 10 in high school I sat down in the computer lab and this really cute spanish looking girl came out of nowhere and sat down beside me. She turned her chair to me and told me to my face "I like your eyebrows and eyelashes, they look really dark and good on you". I was really paranoid and had major SA during this time and thought she was making fun of me, so instead of replying thanks I just looked at her and looked back at my screen ignoring her. She turned and left.


one of the biggest "doh's" I ever made


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## GLGfromCBL (Jun 9, 2010)

kathy903 said:


> ......and the pretty eye thing is sort of creepy because youre being too forward ,you have to play a little game.......


Wow, men and women must truly speak two different languages, because I'd LOVE for a woman to tell me I have pretty eyes (granted, that might sound a bit unusual coming from a woman, but certainly not creepy).

What is this thing women have with guys and "creepiness"? And when did complimenting a woman and doing nice things for her become "creepy"? :con


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

counterfeit self said:


> I still remember this one, in grade 10 in high school I sat down in the computer lab and this really cute spanish looking girl came out of nowhere and sat down beside me. She turned her chair to me and told me to my face "I like your eyebrows and eyelashes, they look really dark and good on you". I was really paranoid and had major SA during this time and thought she was making fun of me, so instead of replying thanks I just looked at her and looked back at my screen ignoring her. She turned and left.
> 
> one of the biggest "doh's" I ever made


Ouch! >_<

I'm similar really. I basically won't ever make a move on anyone and escape as soon as someone makes a move on me. It's very painful.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Over two thousand attempts, one success just based on appearance.


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## g0t Anxiety (May 16, 2010)

Ive only been in a couple relationships and they all pretty much began the same way (subtle hints and lots of luck)!


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

g0t Anxiety said:


> Ive only been in a couple relationships and they all pretty much began the same way (subtle hints and lots of luck)!


Hints like what?


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