# My Own Little World



## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

As a kid I was really into imagination and was pretty dreamy -off with the fairies, so to speak. 

Then I think I got more practical and 'grew up'. 

More recently however, I've been re-connecting more with this dreamy side of my self. Even more than with my art work, playing the piano seems to get me into this state of mind.

And I have to say that it helps. It is like feeling a kind of connection that probably is about self expression. And it takes away feelings of isolation or lowers them. And it also puts me in a state of mind where anxiety is weaker.

I read that anxious adults were imaginative kids. So maybe creativity and imagination and also 'going into your own little world' is a tool for managing anxiety that a person was given. And that they can use again as an adult.

So I'm sort of thinking that being a bit dreamy, creative and in my own little world, may actually in fact be a bit practical.

Can anyone else relate? And how has getting in touch with such a side of yourself effected your state of mind?


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

Very interesting you bring this up. I tend to day dream and have always felt guilty about it because growing up I was called "lazy" or "antisocial" but i'd just have to go off in my little world. It could be our brains giving us another option besides anxiety when the stress levels get too high. I was also very creative as a kid, I wrote short stories starting around age 7 and used to draw, sketch, paint and am now just circling back to that creativity through photography. I think you can cultivate creativity when you have a mind that needs to go off like that, gives you inspiration.

Now that i'm an adult and am in charge of myself I allow myself to periodically just go lay down and fantasize about something, when I feel the need. When I day dream, I make up scenarios in my head and just get lost in it. Its very sedating and sometimes I just drift off. My mind will sometimes just automatically go there. Its very relieving from having high anxiety. It feels almost like i'm in a mist and i'm learning to do this even in social situations, out in public. It creates space between me and the anxiety.

I remember as a kid I was very dreamy, and one time I was in my own world and let go of my mother's hand (I was around 5 or 6). I think we were at a museum, walking around, and there was so much to look at, anyway, I just reached up and grabbed the hand of someone else not realizing it wasn't my mother. I guess my family thought it was funny because they let me walk hand in hand with this person for awhile waiting to see my reaction when I "came to" and saw that it wasn't my mother. Of course I was mortified and almost cried when I looked up and saw a stranger. (painfully shy, what a surprise).

Anyways, just saying I relate and how maybe it could be a way to help us with our anxiety.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

embers said:


> Very interesting you bring this up. I tend to day dream and have always felt guilty about it because growing up I was called "lazy" or "antisocial" but i'd just have to go off in my little world. It could be our brains giving us another option besides anxiety when the stress levels get too high.
> 
> Now that i'm an adult and am in charge of myself I allow myself to periodically just go lay down and fantasize about something, when I feel the need. When I day dream, I make up scenarios in my head and just get lost in it. Its very sedating and sometimes I just drift off. My mind will sometimes just automatically go there. Its very relieving from having high anxiety. It feels almost like i'm in a mist and i'm learning to do this even in social situations, out in public. It creates space between me and the anxiety.
> 
> ...


Hi Embers,

I hope you don't mind that I quoted just certain parts of your post.

I do really relate to what you're saying. And I especially think that you're onto something when you say "It creates space between me an the anxiety".

I used to use this device of 'going into my own little arty world' often when I was younger, even as a teenager; and I think more recently that I have been finding that I had natural ways of dealing with anxiety that are, in a few major respects, much more effective at dissolving and taming it than anything else I've come across since being diagnosed (and even before).

It's worth mentioning that Mindfulness has also helped me; but that Mindfulness/meditation is really the _technique_, whilst painting or being creative is a more natural form of mindfulness/meditation. Apart from the obvious similarities of sustained, focussed attention, there is said to be the quality of 'wonder' and of 'openess to the unknown' -attitudes that are essential for experiencing moments of enlightenment.

It's almost like Buddhist mindfulness is trying to cultivate this same attitude and approach that being creative naturally achieves.

for one thing, I've read that the two groups of people most inclined to have intense and frequent peak experiences (in which a higher level of awareness and peace of mind is attained) include practised meditators and artists. And I've read that artists do naturally what is required to see and know the new perception that spiritual people (and psychologists) are all about finding. I have also read that the antidote to anxiety, essentially a fear of the unknown, is wonder ....which, when you think about it is exactly what imagination and creativity are all about: not a fear or apprehension about unknowns, but an eagerness and childlike optimism. -i.e., like saying there is the _reactive_ way of approaching the world, and then there is the _creative_ way

And possibly, a person will have more anxiety (fear of the unknown) when there is felt to be more that is unknown. And then, if a person channels this fear into creativity, they can approach unknowns in a much more effective manner.

Adding to this, I have also read of artists and creative types that they tend to share more traits with mental patients than most people!!! :lol

So, I think that creativity is God's window out of the prison cell of mental and/or emotional disturbance or distress.

And I think that it is a natural tool and one that I have ignored and overlooked for some time now. Being practical minded is important; but sometimes it is more practical to respect and include parts of your nature that are impractical, dreamy and imaginative. Like, if I take a little trip up in the clouds, it's actually easier for me to keep my feet on the ground. -a bit of 'airy-fairiness is actually grounding for me.

One thing that occurred to me today was that, you can read all the descriptions of social anxiety and anxiety, of what it is about and of what people with it are - eg: ''neurotic", "hypochondriachal', "mentally ill", blah blah blah ...and then I was thinking to my self that perhaps, given that anxiety and depression are some of the most common mental illnesses around ...what if all that anxiety and social anxiety are about is really just an individual with a, maybe even slightly, stronger desire or need for a deep and meaningful connection with other people and with the world it self. ...call it a 'soul connection' if you like, because I think that the fact that being artistic and dreamy help me feel calm and centred, is just an indication that I have a strong and deep need for interconnectedness with people and with God/the world/nature/etc

A friend who is a counselor told me yesterday that research was done finding out that the most effective counseling of problems and disorders like social anxiety, came down to the quality of the counselor-patient relationship, more than any other factor including the therapy used or even knowledge of the counselor. 
....likewise, maybe a considerable degree of any mental illness is all about the quality of inter-connectedness and relationship with others. (By the way, 'the zone' that artists and creative types get into, is said to be the state of mind in which there is no distinction between the person and whatever they are aware of -no subject-object distinction is felt, whereas normally we all go around believing and feeling that I am separate from others.)


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## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

> what if all that anxiety and social anxiety are about is really just an individual with a, maybe even slightly, stronger desire or need for a deep and meaningful connection with other people and with the world it self. ...call it a 'soul connection' if you like


You have a way with words Ruby, I feel like you're in my head walking around, concluding and expressing things up there better than I ever could...

But your above quote is what stuck out for me. I always thought it was a little arrogant of me to think, one of the main reasons I don't open up to people or even consider them really, is because relationship's don't go deep enough for me. Its never stimulating or intense, I have more of that in my own head, so i've shunned people a lot.

But...i'm starting to figure out, that it doesn't need to be a deep, meaningful, emotional experience with everyone. You take what you can get, everyone has little tidbits. Take the tidbits and leave the rest. Keep it more surface and light. I'm a lot happier, less serious, and things roll off me more, with this philosophy.

I can have the best of both worlds. Maybe I will never have the connection I want with someone, rather it be intimately or friendship wise, but I can get there through meditation within myself and how I view the whole world. Like being in love with just all my senses and what they have to offer, rather than placing the responsibility on someone else to stimulate me...somehow. If that makes any sense at all.


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## smiles (Nov 13, 2006)

I was called a 'day dreamer' by kids when I was growing up. I used to go off into my own worlds of imagination and wonder. I didn't have SA at that age, It was natural for me. Now I use it as an escape or to right something that went wrong, in my head. It feels good.

Its not possible to use dreaming to distance myself when I am around people though... that seems difficult to me in my present anxious state. Although I did enjoy it in the past.



> It's almost like Buddhist mindfulness is trying to cultivate this same attitude and approach that being creative naturally achieves.


I like the parallels you drew between mindfulness and creating art. The two similarities are focus and being present. But creating art is more joyful lol. (and maybe its why artists suffer from manic depressiveness... a sort of mandatory reversal from a high-joyful state).



> what if all that anxiety and social anxiety are about is really just an individual with a, maybe even slightly, stronger desire or need for a deep and meaningful connection with other people and with the world it self. ...call it a 'soul connection' if you like


I agree. I tend to be open and trusting with people I know well which is unfortunately zero now. I used to be like that with everyone when I was younger but I got burnt soon, being how the world is. Its a very lonely and restricting feeling when there isn't a close and deep relationship. But I don't want to get off topic!


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I agree with you Embers. 'Being in love with your senses' is great in more ways than one. It does diffuse that neediness for connection with other people and I find that it makes me no-longer feel a deep sense of loneliness. 

And I think that it's fairly apparent that this strong desire for connection, that with us can quickly turn into neediness or people anxiety, tends to make us isolated and repels people. 

They say that you attract what you fear, but that from a positive loving state of mind -that (a state of) 'being' attracts 'being'. 

So finding a sense of emotional connection with the world (and also I think with our feelings about everything) we can start to change our sense that we are isolated from others and instead feel ourselves to be connected. 

I don't mean to repeat my self, even though I am. It is just that I really want to go with all of this and not give-up on it. 

Smiles -your last sentence says a lot. It reminds me of the "CWG" books that you also like reading. Of how "God" talked about vicious circles, and of how we create constant hell for ourselves when our sponsoring thought (I think it was) is a hellatious one.

And that we need to find a way to change our Sponsoring thought.
A S. T., I remember as being a deep-seated belief we have. And I think that one of the ones that many people have, and that people with SA suffer as a result of, is the very basic one that is: "We are separate from others". And if we have this belief (then add extra emotional fragility to a person) and you can get what we are going through -social isolation and anxiety.

This idea of ourself being separate -the "I" is separate- is a very big one for Buddhists and for Christians. 

And there are probably other harmful beliefs that we carry round.

So, my guess here is that before we can change our being socially isolated and cut-off from other people, that we have to change our feeling this way (even when we are technically cut-off from others).
-Being attracts Being; and from a state of Being a person can then experience on the outside what they feel on the inside,etc... 

And going into a dreamy world, using your imagination, playing a piece of music with expression, painting a portrait, even cooking -anything in which we lose ourselves in -we lose the sense of the 'I' as being separate ....the Buddhists and philosophers talk about a state of mind whereby there is felt to be no sense of separation between the 'I' and whatever we are aware of. This, I think I have read, is also when new perceptions and values are conceived.

It is, I believe, what the aim of meditation is. It is also the aim of Mindful awareness of the present moment. And it has a lot to do with our senses, feelings and letting go of our thoughts.

I wish I knew more about all of that. But I understand enough now to get the idea that getting yourself to feel this feeling of being connected with everything, that a person can give themselves through creative expression, helps with seeing things in new ways and makes it more possible for a person to change their beliefs and adopt ones that they actually want to have.


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## smiles (Nov 13, 2006)

ahh yes Feelings. The language of the soul. Sometimes I wonder, what _are_ feelings?

Anyway... in reply to your post: we're already being. Just what we are being (our feelings) are reflected on the outside. I think that the _essence_ of our being is reflected back to us in the physical. They may not be the exact things we are thinking but the being-ness will be reflected back.

And this reminds me of something I am reading about right now... that the physical manifestations are really reflections of what we are carrying in our subconscious. The author says, our bad feelings when we deny them, go into our subconscious and keep attracting the same type of events over and over again until we can fully and unconditionally experience the feelings. Thats why we find ourselves dealing with the same kind of people, situations etc. over and over again.

He says that bad feelings cannot be avoided or rejected. To reject your bad feelings/emotions is to reject yourself on some level. Because they _are_ your creation. By rejecting your creations, you're rejecting yourself. Self-rejection is the exact opposite of unconditional Self-Love.

He explains in his book, that we must experience these emotions directly in order to burn Karma (these negative feelings stored in the subconscious is what he calls Karma). And the experiencing can be done in meditation so that you don't have to go through manifestation to bring them to the surface. The meditation that he writes about is a form of mindfulness and breathing.

In regards to belief, he argues that the negative belief is held in place by the feeling, which sort of resonates with me, you know? He does acknowledge that you can change the belief through thought and change the manifestation but his method is to release the feelings, and then the patterns will become obvious to you. Without feeling power, I don't think any belief will stick.

Anyway, its an interesting read. A bit repetitive but the message is clear. Its a mix of eastern spirituality and western psychology. The title of the book is _Emotional Clearing_ by John Ruskan. Click here. I remember reading about MiCBT that you talked about in another forum post. I am not 100% familiar with it, but I think its based on experiencing your emotions? So this is something like that.

I haven't tried it out formally, everyday yet. I just finished the book and looking forward to trying it out.

He also has a book out on a topic (free online) you might be interested in: Emotion and Art http://www.johnruskan.com/ It talks about that state of flow in creating! I am your messenger for today lol. 



> I don't mean to repeat my self, even though I am. It is just that I really want to go with all of this and not give-up on it.


yes, me too!  so keep posting your thoughts, or PM me.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

That's some really cool information, Smiles. That book does look helpful. 

And the part about meditating on your emotions makes sense to me. I've done this unknowingly in the past and exercised a lot of personal demons and sorted through a lot of ambivalence and confusion. 

Maybe, being an artist, this is sort of the way that I am -sort of 'emotionally under siege' a fair bit of the time. So things like art and meditation kind of need to be a way of life for me. 

As far as understanding all those kind of things go ...I am a little less inclined towards an intellectual investigation of how the mind works. This is for a few reasons: because my intelligence is limited, and because I kind of intuit better now that the breakthrough insights and perception changes that I've gotten were gotten through the intuitive/emotional side of me more than my rational side. ...I guess that it is like saying: why bother too much trying to understand with your mind the understanding that you cannot understand with your mind. ...if you get my jist.

Which is not to say that reading and some thinking about all these things isn't important. It is. Even simply in the sense that it can inspire a person -and inspiration, to me, is everything.
-like: 'If there is the will, a person finds the way'. Or, like how the dancer Rudolf Nureyev said: "Technique is what you rely on when you run out of inspiration". 

So, there sort of is and isn't much for me to think about or understand. I do like inspiration though -and can use inspiration to achieve a lot.

Today my counselor said: "Unless you feel the emotion(s) you haven't really changed anything". And this reminds me of what I read in Hagen's book, "Buddhism: Plain and Simple" about how, usually when we have a problem, we try to understand everything about it and often inconsequential things. ...I look back and see kind of how i've done this a fair bit. ...And then there is inspiration, something that comes from the subconscious with it's ability to see new connections and relationships which our conscious mind is blind to...

Well, I keep reading things like: "You will lose your mind and come to your senses" (Psychologist Fritz Perls); "The soul understands what the mind cannot conceive" ... "You have to be out of your mind (God) in order to find God (your mind) (CWG, N.D. Walsch); "Trying to use the mind to change the mind is like trying to wash water with water" (I think that is the quote, from a Buddhist book); and how the Buddhists use meditation to try to acquire the state of 'no mind', where there is no sense of separation between observer and the observed (oneness)...and just all views like these.

But most of all: when I play the piano with heart, I notice how much improved my state of mind is. How that deep sense of loneliness goes away, and how I feel less anxiety to be connected with others.
So, I'll just keep going with it...


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## leavemealone158 (Nov 23, 2007)

yeah. I still do that. Again another thing I've never really linked to S.A., or anything really. Sometimes I think my own little world is the only thing keeping me sane. I spend half my life in there, the other half worry if my cloths are in, or what that person thinks of me. Thank you, very insightful posts.


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