# Does life get better or worse...



## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

...as you age? 

They say that teen years and your early twenties are the best years of your life. I'm 19 years old, and I can honestly say the teen years have been the worst years ever.

Have you found your life to improve as you have grown older or worse?


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## JamieHasAnxiety (Feb 15, 2011)

I'm 21 years old, and honestly they were supposed to be the best years. It's supposed to be directed at those who live normal lives. As people with SA, our lives might as well have started off with Parkinsons and a black pirate eye patch. =\

For me, life was good at first as a young teen (14) though signs of SA were starting to appear at least I was in bliss of not knowing I had it. I only had 1 good year in my entire life. =\


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

There's another thread on here asking the same thing. It varied, maybe 50-50. For me I have pretty much overcome all SA related areas of life. Except for public speaking which I still severely dislike lol.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

^ Yes, and here's roughly the over-generalizing summary of worses and betters:

Worses:
* Jobless and/or School Debt = Progressively sucking
* Bad prospects for significant other = Progressively sucking
* Ongoing health issues, family problems, deaths, injuries, habits, addictions = Progressively sucking
* Age discrimination sucks and running out of time and legacy sucks.

Betters:
* Don't have to deal with or care about pretentious young people cliques in HS.
* Progressively with age, being an outsider, rejected, and nobody cares about you is somewhat normal.
* If good job and healthy savings = Progressively better but otherwise dreading job sustainability over time and/or age discrimination.
* Trust fund baby or rich = Life "should be" good and probably doubt they'll be on this forum for long periods.


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## coldmorning (Jul 4, 2007)

I think it gets better. And your expectations also fall. So do the expectations of others for you. But of course everyone is different and YMMV.


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## josephisaverb (Mar 8, 2011)

Some things get better, some things get worse. 

I can honestly say that I haven't met many people in their 30's who would honeslty go back to their teens.


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## pjm1978 (Sep 28, 2009)

Its different for people like us because of social anxiety. My teen years were absolutly awesome, they also came before my SAD years. My early twenties were hell, because of my SAD. Late twenties and early thirties have been pretty good.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I would like to think that it gets better.


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## Observer (Jan 1, 2011)

It probably does but your memory starts failing and you soon forget about it :teeth


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## Susan Storm (Jun 30, 2010)

I would say my twenties were the worse time of my life because of my SA. I blame the failures of my life on the SA absolutely. But I have now entered my 30's and i'm glad to leave that time behind, it feels like a new beginning being in my 30's. The only problem I have is that I feel underachieving for my age and in comparing myself to others my age I feel really bad. Especially those I went to school with or grew up with, they are leaps and bounds ahead of me, that can make me feel bad sometimes. 

I'm more concerned about hitting my next decade and being in the same situation as I am now, so gotta work on that not happening. I'd rather try and fail, than not try at all. Then at least I can't blame myself for any future failures.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

My worst time in my life was my late 20s and early to mid 30s. Before that and since then, things have been somewhat to much better.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

better... then worse.... then way way better.... then worse.... then way better.... then way way worse... but then it gets better... and on and on and on... the trick is to always remember it will get better.


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## pickyone (Apr 5, 2011)

Life gets better. 

The pain of regrets and the sting of shame fades. 

I realized two little things my mom said to me time and time again are actually true.

1. It's none of your business what someone thinks about you.

2. If they said you were a tree, would you be?

Soon, you learn how not to give a **** what their eyes or mouths say, and that it doesn't matter anyway.

Cheers!


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I don't know. I am pretty lonely at times, few real-life friends these days, but I don't have that need you have when you're younger for validation from other people. I think more for myself and I do what I want to do for the most part and that makes me feel more independent and happier.


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## blinds8 (Feb 3, 2011)

farfegnugen said:


> I don't know. I am pretty lonely at times, few real-life friends these days, but I don't have that need you have when you're younger for validation from other people. I think more for myself and I do what I want to do for the most part and that makes me feel more independent and happier.


am mighty glad u posted this, right on.:clap


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

I don't care nearly so much what others think,which is a blessing. I'm a lot more self aware though which isn't always pleasant.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Life got slightly better for me. I'm a much better man than i used to be.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Depends on so many things . . . but regardless, don't wait/hope for it to get better. Make it happen. I can tell you from experience that sitting around passively hoping that things will get better is not a good strategy.

That said, I'm very glad I'm not a teenager anymore, even though I suck at being an adult.


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## Maguffin (Oct 23, 2009)

I'm not 30 yet (28-years old) but I wouldn't worry at 19 what it feels like to be our age - live your life to the fullest.....right now! If you do that then it will get better when you reach our age - without a doubt.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

It all depends on what you want out of life. For some, I do think their finest years are when they are in their teens / early twenties, before they bought into all the conventions and expectations society places on people.

For me, those years weren't even a First Act let alone a final curtain call. Most of my peer group who were at all successful in life didn't really catch their stride until 25-28 and many are just coming out of the haze of their twenties.

It's a much different world today then when the phrase ('They say that teen years and your early twenties are the best years of your life.') became popular.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Life is what you make of it.


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## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

I find life to be ciclical, I go through good times then I go through bad times. However at this point in my life I am going through the longest bad cycle I have ever experienced, I can only hope it is followed by an equel good period.

Oh, and in response to MillenniumMann75's comment^ Life is what you make it but unfortunatly people keep coming along and fcuking up what I have made.


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## paulyD (Feb 16, 2011)

DitzyDreamer said:


> ...as you age?
> 
> They say that teen years and your early twenties are the best years of your life. I'm 19 years old, and I can honestly say the teen years have been the worst years ever.
> 
> Have you found your life to improve as you have grown older or worse?


i definately prefere being young - early 20's. im in my late 20's now and its definately worse than being younger . at least when you are younger you feel you have your whole life ahead of you and that you have time to change


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

wors because you'll get more responsebility and with SA its difficult to follow the pad of ages.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

The problem with getting older is that it's easier to get stuck in a rut, because there just aren't as many different variables to push you down new paths in life. So I think it's easier to stagnate with age, but life doesn't necessarily get worse. 

Unless you lose your hair.


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## PuRex (Mar 19, 2011)

Gets worse every year


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

Depends what you do with the time. Things aren't going to get better on their own. I think when I was a teenager I sort of had the expectation that they would.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Its get's worse. Never ceases to amaze me, when you think it can't get any worse, it can, always.


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Well at 83 years old, my grandma says she's happier than she's ever been in life. Since she finally gets to relax...
I wish I could press the fast forward button & become retired, im through with this bull****.


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## whitesnake87 (May 8, 2009)

I know this sounds lame, but you don't wait to be happy. You can be happy now. It just seems hard because we worry about status and being single or being rich or being married or whatever. There is not happily ever after. You just live now.

So just relax. You got nothing to worry about.


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## Kiwong (Aug 6, 2010)

It gets better then worse then better. All over the place. Like four seasons in one day.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

life gets better when it ends...


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## canadiangirl (Apr 17, 2011)

Sunshine009 said:


> Teen years the worst hands down.


+1.

I have gotten better over the years though I have bad phases.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

With all due respect to Millenium man, our lives are constantly attempted to be molded by others and institutions. Some people do make it what they want but it usually involves the blood or use of others. You can't make any life as an uninvolved nice guy and loner (which I am, and my life is out of control and I'm feeling suicidal most current days which I hadn't in years)

(i just read a thread on "success" where this young college kid said he dumped a bunch of ex-girlfriends. as part of his success pattern. i.e. girls only want confident dumpers and bad boys) 

there are just too many external forces, people wanting you to feel ashamed , belittled without any care, but for themselves and their agendas. life is all a doggone ugly bloody fight to the end with others.


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## zorky (May 19, 2011)

DitzyDreamer said:


> ...as you age?
> 
> They say that teen years and your early twenties are the best years of your life. I'm 19 years old, and I can honestly say the teen years have been the worst years ever.
> 
> Have you found your life to improve as you have grown older or worse?


I feel like this teens an early twenties to mid twenties were hell.. things got better for me the past few years, don't believe all the crap you hear people say


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## Man Is An Island (Oct 12, 2009)

It depends on whether or not you were condemned the day you were born. I was. I've never known what it was like to not be nervous or tense, never known what it's like to be unwaveringly focused or remotely good at anything. I've always been the worst, comparatively, in any situation I've ever been in.

However, when you are young, parents and adults overlook it, tell you you are a 'late bloomer' or otherwise find ways to forgive you. As you age, you run out of excuses and second (or third or fourth) chances. Regardless of circumstances, you are judged for what you have done with your life, as MM75 alluded to, whether it is deserved or not.

At least when I was younger, fantasies and daydreaming could shield me from reality. Now, I see nothing but a cold void, the emptiness of a humdrum existence as the reality of my impassable limitations continues to haunt and torment me every waking moment. 

The good news is most of you will be fortunate enough not to experience the 'worst case SA scenario" I have described above. In fact, escaping the bounds of family and school may liberate you in a myriad of ways. Sadly in my case, I am as intractably enslaved by my flaws as I ever was.


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## zorky (May 19, 2011)

Man Is An Island said:


> It depends on whether or not you were condemned the day you were born. I was. I've never known what it was like to not be nervous or tense, never known what it's like to be unwaveringly focused or remotely good at anything. I've always been the worst, comparatively, in any situation I've ever been in.
> 
> However, when you are young, parents and adults overlook it, tell you you are a 'late bloomer' or otherwise find ways to forgive you. As you age, you run out of excuses and second (or third or fourth) chances. Regardless of circumstances, you are judged for what you have done with your life, as MM75 alluded to, whether it is deserved or not.
> 
> ...


Let me just say you've done a good job of detailing your hopelessness so job well done.

Believe it or not there is no rule set in the world that hammers out your existance. It sounds like you've got a lot of pain and I feel for that. Though only you hold the key to your freedom from the torment.

The power to change is inside you, you gotta find how to tap into that ****.


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## nbtxdude (Jun 20, 2010)

For me, it is worse.

1. Lack of hope that things will significantly get better.
2. Getting older = more pain / physical pain
3. Living with the regrets. Someone posted earlier that these seem to fade as you get older. For me, they get stronger. I know it isn't healthy. It screws up your life.
4. Recovering from mistakes is a whole lot easier when you are young versus older. 

I wish I could relive part of that life...


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## DitzyDreamer (Jun 10, 2008)

angus said:


> I find life to be ciclical, I go through good times then I go through bad times. However at this point in my life I am going through the longest bad cycle I have ever experienced, I can only hope it is followed by an equel good period.
> 
> Oh, and in response to MillenniumMann75's comment^* Life is what you make it but unfortunatly people keep coming along and fcuking up what I have made*.


Truer words have never been spoken.

I guess my problem is that I don't gel well with most people my age. I'm not ashamed to say this, but my mom is my best friend. I spend more time with people in her age group than I do with people in my age group. I like to think of myself as a thirty year old trapped in a teenaged body!


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

> ]It depends on whether or not you were condemned the day you were born. I was. I've never known what it was like to not be nervous or tense, never known what it's like to be unwaveringly focused or remotely good at anything. I've always been the worst, comparatively, in any situation I've ever been in.


So, you're nervous and tense in your sleep then?

Forgive me, but I don't think anyone needs to judge you or your life. You do the job for them by being ridiculously too hard on yourself.

There is no ideal standard you are supposed to have achieved. No person you should be. But you seem to want to tell yourself the story that there is.

You're clearly good at writing down your experiences and writing in general. Whether that will seep in to your self esteem or not, I don't know. But it's true.

You don't have to be the best at anything in order to be loved. Simple fact of life. Another one being that other people do not decide who we are. We do.


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## Greentops (Jan 18, 2013)

nbtxdude said:


> For me, it is worse.
> 
> 1. Lack of hope that things will significantly get better.
> 2. Getting older = more pain / physical pain
> ...


Sums up my life in the forties.

I also tend to reminisce about my teenage years when life was actually ok. I had mates, I had my health, and even if you screwed up, you had the future to sort it out.

Now as I become older, my old mates now have their own lives to live, and they've changed.

Another thing is that the town I grew up in had changed, radically (due to a large influx of EU migrants). I don't recognize anyone in town anymore. The old, familiar faces, are gone. The migrants speak various languages, and you don't feel like you belong here anymore.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

It depends on whether you are successful at or even willing to try to deal with the issues that are making yourself miserable at a young age. You can't let things fester as I and probably many others on this board have done. If you aren't willing to be proactive and make changes to better yourself, it will get worse with age.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Depends on your circumstances. 

Some people can realistically expect things to get much better if they try. Others can only really expect mere existence. Some can be almost certain things will only get worse.

The ugly truth is that for some people, nothing will ever improve (no matter what). I can say that and not be significantly depressed even though it pretty much describes me perfectly. Because I make every effort to just accept things. Beyond the fact that my parents were naive when they chose to reproduce (but should have known better), I'm basically just an unfortunate accident. It would be nice if I had some realistic hope for something more but the plain truth is I just don't.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

wetter or borse ...I'm not sure...


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## Ladysoul (Jan 24, 2014)

It seems the only thing that gets better with age is Wisdom.


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## mixtape (Dec 18, 2010)

It can get better if you make effort to improve yourself. In my teens and early 20s I lived a frozen hermit existance with severe SA. With great effort I made a life for myself, had freinds, girlfreinds, many new experieinces. My best years were in my 30s and 40s were pretty good also. I am mid 50s now and very glad I can look back on many memories rather than all the things I missed out on.


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## xxx13 (Apr 4, 2013)

Worse because i have to work and i hate working with passion.


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I was lucky enough to have had a pretty decent teenage and 20-something years. I did have periods where I would lock myself in, but I also found a way out of it each time and would find a job/hobby and have friends and have fun being social but alone at the same time. 

Sad thing about being in your 30's - especially as a female (and depending on the culture of the country you are living in) you start to be written off. You are all of a sudden 'old'! I do not feel 30 something at all. I am stuck at 27, I do not feel like most mature women I see in their 30's, I have never been that, I am always easy going, kind of childish but not in a bad way...but I am seen as a 'woman' and an old one at that too. So I do miss being in my 20's. Life was easier and you could do so much with it and it was all normal. 

Now I am still thinking of 'what do I want to be when I grow up' and "what do I want in life' while most people assume that one has found answers to these questions. Especially where I live. All women are married, with at least 2 kids. They either have a career or are stay at home moms. Not me. I doubt I will ever find the answer to these questions. I will be an 80 year old still thinking 'mmm... could I become a vet now, since I love animals so much'.


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## Cepp (Feb 8, 2010)

Well the worst period in my life was my late teens so things have definitely improved and I've started to care a little less about what other people think, mostly because I don't have enough energy to care lol.

On the other hand I think I've become a lot more bitter and I want to stem/reverse that.



victoriangirl said:


> Now I am still thinking of 'what do I want to be when I grow up' and "what do I want in life' while most people assume that one has found answers to these questions.


Yeah, this is me all over :/


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## Complete Misfit (Aug 24, 2011)

My mid to late teenage years were the worst for me, it was terrible. I also remember feeling like you, that these were supposed to be the 'best years'. However it's mainly just the media dictating life and it's unrealistic.


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## David7 (Nov 29, 2014)

In many ways I seemed to peak socially--although certainly not professionally or in terms of non-social accomplishments--at age 19.

At age 16, I had few friends either male or female.

At age 17, I had begun to form a few close male friendships.

At age 18, I had a strong network of male and platonic female friendships.

At age 19, I was continuing to build strong platonic friendships, and was beginning to date women who showed some interest.

So I was on an upward trajectory up to age 19. Even though I didn't yet have a girlfriend at 19, I was optimistic because I was moving forward, and I expected within another year or two, as I got more practice at dating, I would be in a serious relationship.

Unfortunately, however, age 19 seemed to be the peak of things and things gradually went downhill from there. That certainly wasn't an outcome I was expecting but I was never able to recover the positive social energy that seemed to exist at age 19--even as I've accomplished quite a bit in other areas of my life.


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## zonebox (Oct 22, 2012)

There are ups and downs all throughout my life, and my answer as to if life has gotten any better depends on my mood at the moment. 

If I were to go by what I wrote in my journal 16 years ago, it has gotten a lot better but stayed the same in many regards. I could have the same social life I had then, many people do. Drink lots, smoke pot, hang out with others my own age. It still exists, but it does not appeal to me - it is the reason I left such a lifestyle at 24. While I had people to socialize with, the only thing that bound us was a constant stupor or the search for a stupor.

I know my school years were often incredibly lonely, and while I do miss my family I was always under the rule of the house and had little freedom.

I don't really expect much out of life, I try to find pleasure in the little things such as a nice warm breeze, and the way the shadows dance around trees on a windy day. Happiness is all in the head, and that is something I have learned and often reflect back to when things get difficult. Of course, at times I lose sight of that, and need to calibrate myself and my environment.


Life is life, I appreciate it for what it is. I am grateful to be alive and able to experience everything around me. While I would prefer to do so from a more youthful body, doing so from an older one is not so bad.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

Speaking genuinely, I'm not sure how much worse mine can get. I'm not trying to tempt fate by writing that statement but it pretty much sums things up. Hopefully, things get better from here.


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## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

Life seems like a countdown with an axe coming down on your neck and there isn't anything you can do to stop it.


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## sqwaaaz (Sep 13, 2010)

I went to the supermarket, had kind of a panic attack when it was my turn to checkout.
Drank my beer.
That was my day today.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

I'm pretty much disappointed at how my teens and twenties went. Probably will be the same when I'm 40 looking back on my thirties. If I would have to review my life in one words it would be: regrets.


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