# Anxious about starting university



## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Im going to start university on september, and although i feel very excited, there are also many things that scare me. Im scared about independency (moving away from home to another town), responsibility, finding friends, how hard the studying is going to be like etc. Maybe the most anxiety provoking thing is will i end up alone, im not really into partying or anything. And not really sure if the subject, psychology, is suitable for a shy person like me.
Just wanted to rant somewhere, thanks for reading,
Would like to hear your experiences on how it is like to be shy in uni and if there have been some ways that has made it easier to cope. or just about how it felt like starting uni and was it what you imagined it would be like.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Herisson said:


> Im going to start university on september, and although i feel very excited, there are also many things that scare me. Im scared about independency (moving away from home to another town), responsibility, finding friends, how hard the studying is going to be like etc. Maybe the most anxiety provoking thing is will i end up alone, im not really into partying or anything. And not really sure if the subject, psychology, is suitable for a shy person like me.
> Just wanted to rant somewhere, thanks for reading,
> Would like to hear your experiences on how it is like to be shy in uni and if there have been some ways that has made it easier to cope. or just about how it felt like starting uni and was it what you imagined it would be like.


Unfortunately I've dealt with the same things you've mentioned, and it didn't take until my second year to feel like I've made significant progress adjusting. I felt less lonely at coffee shops off of campus where I met like-minded people. It was also in a touristy area, and because tourists like to talk to the natives, conversing with them was good practice. The baristas started recognizing me as a regular customer and started talking to me more often. I went to a large party school with over 60,000 students so it was hard for me to make friends. My only other hope for meeting people was to leave the school and explore the city, which I did and have had success with.


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## Fredderika (Mar 27, 2014)

I go to a smaller university with small class sizes, which was one reason I picked it. I like university, but I kind of fade into the background, don't talk to people or have friends. I was never interested in the partying aspect anyhow. Two things I find stressful: the first few classes, where many profs in my university like to have everybody introduce themselves; and French class. Probably any language class, really: forced conversation in a language you don't feel confident with. All my subconscious illusions of being invisible were destroyed, and those classes were very emotionally fatiguing. In comparison, the one psychology class I took was far easier. I don't think there's any reason why a shy person shouldn't take psychology if they like the subject.


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## Introextro (Jul 12, 2015)

As a fellow shy person ..I'm going back to university at age 24 to do business and am equally as terrified! For the past year I had been studying marketing that involved psychology.. I'm convinced the more shy the person is, the better they are at understanding the intricate details and study of the mind/behaviour more than anyone! You'll do great. I definitely found my tendency to overthink came in handy when studying the mind.


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## kwrwade (Aug 11, 2012)

Hey, first of all be proud that you're one of the lucky ones to have an opportunity to attend college! I just finished my undergrad years this past may with a business degree in economics. I'm going back to get a Masters in Public Administration, but one of my biggest regrets over the past few years was not being more active in campus events. I let my social anxiety consume my freshman and sophomore years to the extent that I failed two classes. Join clubs (both academic and social), get volunteer experience, study abroad, get to know your professors for if and when you need recommendations/references! I wasn't really into partying much either, and that's okay. Just try to be active, even if it's just the corny campus barbecues or movies, get yourself out there and meet people! Even if your school is on the small side, there will be plenty of people like you. Have fun!


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

don't then

try train driving


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## Callum96 (Jul 18, 2013)

I started uni last year. The first few weeks aren't easy, but you should do your best to get yourself out there and interact with other people, it's easier to make friends at the start than after a few months. Try and join a few societies that interest you, they're a really good way of meeting people and building confidence. It's always going to be a difficult transition but it's up to you what you make of it, if you go into it with the right mentality then you can thrive.


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Thanks all for replying  it is nice to hear your experiences


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Unfortunately I've dealt with the same things you've mentioned, and it didn't take until my second year to feel like I've made significant progress adjusting. I felt less lonely at coffee shops off of campus where I met like-minded people. It was also in a touristy area, and because tourists like to talk to the natives, conversing with them was good practice. The baristas started recognizing me as a regular customer and started talking to me more often. I went to a large party school with over 60,000 students so it was hard for me to make friends. My only other hope for meeting people was to leave the school and explore the city, which I did and have had success with.


Oh you went to a huge school, id be terrified , and it must be so different to highschool etc, where students usually studied almost everything in same groups. Thats what scares me but i guess one just has to try to be active and go to people. Oh, i think adjusting will take time for me too, as going to uni is quite a change to what lifes been before.
It's great to hear that you did meet likeminded people during your studies, guess i could consider trying to find people to hang out with outside school as well.
Thanks for sharing your experiences


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Fredderika said:


> I go to a smaller university with small class sizes, which was one reason I picked it. I like university, but I kind of fade into the background, don't talk to people or have friends. I was never interested in the partying aspect anyhow. Two things I find stressful: the first few classes, where many profs in my university like to have everybody introduce themselves; and French class. Probably any language class, really: forced conversation in a language you don't feel confident with. All my subconscious illusions of being invisible were destroyed, and those classes were very emotionally fatiguing. In comparison, the one psychology class I took was far easier. I don't think there's any reason why a shy person shouldn't take psychology if they like the subject.


Smaller university could hve been a better choice for me too, well il see, the uni i will go to has about 38 000 students..
The partying isnt my thing either, kind of want to just focus on studying. But it does feel like leaving out of some activities might make one more distant to the student 'community', idk. Would be nice to know where to go to find the like minded people haha..
Oh i dont like it either when students have to introduce themselves. Also dont like those "get to know each other games" that everyone do on camps and such, really hope such things wont occur in the first weeks haha, doubt it.
Oh that sucks when people are forced to talk etc there. Hope you dont have many of those french classes left anymore. 
Its a bit of a contradiction, i also want to be a bit invisible, dont want to attract attention, but then again i of course want to make some friends too, so have to get a bit braver.
Oh maybe i wrote it on the opening text a bit vaguely, i meant that im not sure if ive the right persona to be a psychologist, which is my goal.
Thanks for your reply


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Introextro said:


> As a fellow shy person ..I'm going back to university at age 24 to do business and am equally as terrified! For the past year I had been studying marketing that involved psychology.. I'm convinced the more shy the person is, the better they are at understanding the intricate details and study of the mind/behaviour more than anyone! You'll do great. I definitely found my tendency to overthink came in handy when studying the mind.


I hope your new university year starts off nicely, i hope that for both of us ! Guess just have to get rid of some of the 'vain' worries and try to just go for it.
Thanks , made me feel more confident, as a more of the listening to others type of person it might be easier to understand others. Just have to try to get to people and try improve social skills so that one knows how to show the understanding, what kind of words to use even, i dont know.
Thanks for your reply  and hope you have a great time at uni !


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

kwrwade said:


> Hey, first of all be proud that you're one of the lucky ones to have an opportunity to attend college! I just finished my undergrad years this past may with a business degree in economics. I'm going back to get a Masters in Public Administration, but one of my biggest regrets over the past few years was not being more active in campus events. I let my social anxiety consume my freshman and sophomore years to the extent that I failed two classes. Join clubs (both academic and social), get volunteer experience, study abroad, get to know your professors for if and when you need recommendations/references! I wasn't really into partying much either, and that's okay. Just try to be active, even if it's just the corny campus barbecues or movies, get yourself out there and meet people! Even if your school is on the small side, there will be plenty of people like you. Have fun!


Hi,
Yes i am proud to be one of them, it really is exciting and didnt even expect to get in at first try (had an entrance exam)
Oh congratulations for finishing your degree! Economics is very interesting, im currently trying to learn more about it , it is so complex.
Oh, im sorry to hear you have those regrets, i am scared of doing the same as it is a bit tempting to not confront the anxiety and just avoid the events etc that could trigger something. Thank you for your advice, i will try to be as active as i can, join some clubs and would love to study abroad for a while as well, hope to not let the shyness prevent that from happening. 
especially the first weeks seem to be so essential when it comes to making friends etc. Just looked at my calendar and the first two weeks are full of all kinds of activities, very intense, even thinking about it makes me a bit nervous. Just have to stay calm i guess  
Thanks for the reply  hope your uni year starts nicely too


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

Callum96 said:


> I started uni last year. The first few weeks aren't easy, but you should do your best to get yourself out there and interact with other people, it's easier to make friends at the start than after a few months. Try and join a few societies that interest you, they're a really good way of meeting people and building confidence. It's always going to be a difficult transition but it's up to you what you make of it, if you go into it with the right mentality then you can thrive.


Yeah ive heard from many people that the first weeks are quite essential in making friends. I know il have to push myself to be active and it wont be easy but perhaps a few weeks isnt an impossibility after all. It is just really anxiety provoking that already in the very first weeks there is a kind of a pressure to get inside student life and make contacts. But surely many other first year students are nervous too. Youre right, will have to create the right attitude.
Thanks for the advice


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## Herisson (Feb 6, 2014)

shnbwmn said:


> Near the end of my third (and perhaps final) year at the moment, and yes, starting out in first year was terrifying. We had this one module called Communication Science in the first semester, and for the first few lessons the lecturer made us do various individual and group activities, all of which involved standing in front and either talking about yourself or acting something out. Bloody horrible.
> 
> I didn't find anyone in the class that was similarly shy as me, so I felt a bit alone. Just as in school, I was the quiet guy that normally stuck up his hand to answer questions but rarely spoke informally to fellow students (without them approaching me first). In a way I'm still that guy, just less shy around the people in the class now. If you're really shy, then perhaps only time will make things better. Just stick out the first few weeks; be yourself and don't try to contract into your shell or act like you're something you're not. People see right through that and chances are you won't be able to keep up the act for too long without cracks forming.
> 
> Best of luck though; I hope you do well at university :yes


Ohhh those individual and group activities you just mentioned , i hate them too, i really dont want people to make their first impressions of me in such a situation, stuttering in front of a class or sth..im pretty sure the tutors have come up with similar activities. I know it is all for the fun, they want us to have a fun beginning to the university life, it just isnt fun for everyone. Hope you dont have to do those things anymore.

Oh, i think in my case the shyness has faded a bit too when time has gone by.
My shyness varies in different situations, but if most of the others are very talkative etc, that just makes me more shy. Small talk isnt a problem but introducing myself to new people is something id have to push myself for.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and giving advice i will try my best to be active, and not pretend to be someone else.

Thank you  hope your third year ends well : p :yes


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## Zein (Jun 28, 2013)

I'm also starting University in September and will be studying psychology too . I can relate to everything you wrote.

I'm getting more and more nervous by the day. What scares me the most is class participation.. I'M GETTING SO NERVOUS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT NOW.. 

I wish you all the best and if you need to talk to anyone please PM me


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## Lao (Jun 27, 2014)

I started uni in September, in England. I know people may say the first few weeks are essential for contacts. Lies. I was making friends and speaking to new people even on the last week before breaking up for the summer. 

At school I never initiated a conversation, I only spoke to 2 people. I stuttered, talked very quietly to strangers and even to people who have been in my classes for the past 7 years. Never even been kissed. 

At university I learned a lot about myself and how to talk to others. I've made progress. Some things that I've noticed that helps. You may be less shy than I was/am but. Smile and force yourself to say hello to people. Especially to people you live with. Just try to be approachable, I've learned that shy people make 'normal' people nervous, but trying just helps them warm up to you. It turns out everyone is 'adult' they want friends, so there is no reason to be nervous, no one is too good. 

Join in, say YES to social events. The first few weeks there were so many parties/ night outs. That is how I met people at first. I know you said you're not a party person but at least try, alcohol and going out turned out to be sooo much fun. And I had the best nights ever!!!!, and made it so much easier to talk and make friends. 

I joined societies, sports ones are the best. the adrenaline makes me hyper and eager to talk to new people. 

okay so i've still never been kissed , i realised i am very picky. I am no longer afraid to talk to new people. I made so many mistakes socially, but I just kept on trying again with the same people, i don't have sooo many friends, but i met a few. But it changed me for the better, i realized everyone is a bit weird. 

Just be brave, and go out there, try new things. you'll be fine. and you'll have the best year of your life so far. ... oh and don't forget to study


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## Manatine (Jul 19, 2015)

One thing I noticed when I started university is that people are generally more open minded and approachable than in high school. Not only that, most of them seemed eager to initiate conversation which was perfect for a shy person like me. I'm not really into the party scene either, and believe me when I say there are TONS of people who feel the same way. I think the greatest thing about uni is that there are so many options and clubs and diverse groups of people that it's easy to find something that suits you. 

My best advice for someone starting uni is to keep in mind that a lot of people are just as nervous as you about starting something new. You're not alone no matter what


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## Mikko (Jan 21, 2014)

Me too. I'm starting university next month and feeling anxious right now to meet new people. I'm afraid if they find me boring and going to leave me friendless.


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## SandWshooter (Mar 7, 2013)

I would recommend seeing if the university has a career counseling service, then paying them a visit if you start to think your major is causing you undue anxiety or that it's just not for you or working out. Try to stay on top of things as best you can, the anxiety confronting work my bring will probably be easier to deal with than the anxiety of trying to play catch-up. Find something that relaxes you/lessens anxiety, and keep up with it regularly so things don't build up and overwhelm you. I did exactly none of these things, set me back like a year and a half


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