# My Paranoia Made me Quit a Good Job



## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I recently left my job at a large publicly traded corporation that provided stability, job security, good benefits, and a predictable schedule because I was convinced my boss hated me and wanted me to leave.

It turns out I was completely wrong and nothing was going to happen to me- I didn't have to leave and I burned a bridge in the process. 

I have Paranoid Personality Disorder which explains why I acted and thought the way I did. I was way oversensitive and didn't realize my paranoia and attitude contributed to my misguided misery.

Now I have to deal with the eternal angst and guilt of leaving a nice job that I was good at because I was too stupid to realize the reality of my situation.

I start a new job on Monday and need to make sure my sadness doesn't harm my performance.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

I've done the same thing so many times. I end up convincing myself that everyone hates me, trash talks about me, and wants me to leave.

I found out that everyone missed me after I quit and that all my paranoia was all in my head.

Good luck with your new job though. I hope you don't repeat that mistake


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

ineverwipe said:


> Good luck with your new job though. I hope you don't repeat that mistake


Thanks, I will try not to but everyplace is different and you never know what the culture of a new company is like.


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## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

I am becoming more and more consumed with paranoia at my current job. I won't go into the specifics because it all sounds so daft, but basically I start thinking certain people around me are ignoring me to annoy me, even though it's undoubtedly all in my head. Some days it really eats me up and I can't concentrate on my work - it just gets me so worked up. I think I'm going to quit next week. That's not the only reason though (I just want to get out of working in an office) but yeah, it makes a bad situation a million times worse.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

Embrace who you are

Your paranoia is a lot part of you a gift


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Zeeshan said:


> Embrace who you are
> 
> Your paranoia is a lot part of you a gift


No, it is a massive life destroying BURDEN.

I set myself back years because of my decision to leave my old job- how many chances does one get to do high profile work at a large, stable corporation, and do it well?

I just want one more chance to redeem myself in a similar environment but that won't happen for awhile, if ever.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I still haven't fully grasped just how bad of a decision I made.

I keep thinking about what I should have done and not enough about how I am supposed to cope with my new REALITY, something that is too scary to consider.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Update- I made it through the first day and almost quit halfway through it.

I was so freaked out by the new environment and filled with regret and longing for my old job but cooler heads prevailed thankfully.

Now I have to do it all over again tomorrow.


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## WastedYouth0123 (Jan 19, 2014)

.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I made it through the first week- barely. I can't sleep and I have a hard time focusing. My new company is a chaotic clown show compared to my old employer.

I only get one shot at life and I blew a great opportunity. I may never get another one and I have to live with that every day for the rest of my life.

Suicide is an appealing option right now.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

WastedYouth0123 said:


> At least you have a job. I just got grilled with questions that were all about sales and customer service


Yes, it could be worse but I don't know how long my employer will give me to get caught up to speed.


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## 000XXX000 (Dec 1, 2013)

hoosierguy said:


> I made it through the first week- barely. I can't sleep and I have a hard time focusing. My new company is a chaotic clown show compared to my old employer.
> 
> I only get one shot at life and I blew a great opportunity. I may never get another one and I have to live with that every day for the rest of my life.
> 
> Suicide is an appealing option right now.


You do not want to hear cliches, so instead go talk to a professional. There is no shame in it and they might be able to help you see something you did not before. Because maybe that is all you need, just a different perspective.

Please stay strong for the rest of us on here who don't even have the gumption to maintain a job, let alone grab another one after such a traumatic event.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

000XXX000 said:


> You do not want to hear cliches, so instead go talk to a professional. There is no shame in it and they might be able to help you see something you did not before. Because maybe that is all you need, just a different perspective.
> 
> Please stay strong for the rest of us on here who don't even have the gumption to maintain a job, let alone grab another one after such a traumatic event.


Thank you. I will stay strong- I will never quit a job unless I have another one lined up.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Been there... I probably wasn't under attack, like I thought. I know, for certain, people were twisting the screws, but probably not the entire office as I thought then. I do not regret leaving though. Just the way in which I left...burned bridges too.

Hoosierguy, I am happy you have a new job already. I guess you can keep the memory in your pocket for the next time. Good luck! 

...read another post of yours. I hope you find a job that you like better soon.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Been there... I probably wasn't under attack, like I thought. I know, for certain, people were twisting the screws, but probably not the entire office as I thought then. I do not regret leaving though. Just the way in which I left...burned bridges too.
> 
> Hoosierguy, I am happy you have a new job already. I guess you can keep the memory in your pocket for the next time. Good luck!
> 
> ...read another post of yours. I hope you find a job that you like better soon.


Thank you- I am going to do my best to make this one work.


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## randomperson86 (Apr 22, 2014)

Wow, I have felt the same way with my last job and my current one. I over think everything and feel like I don't belong. 

My current job is pays good money and the hours are good, but I don't feel like I will be able to get along with everyone in my department. I constantly second guess myself, assume the worst, have low confidence, and feel like quitting before I make any mistakes and embarass myself in front of everyone. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't know how to find a job where I do feel like I belong. 

I know that I have had a job in the past that I enjoyed, to the point where it didn't feel like work and I got along well with my co-workers, and the pay was good. I don't know if I'll ever find a job like that again.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

randomperson86 said:


> Wow, I have felt the same way with my last job and my current one. I over think everything and feel like I don't belong.
> 
> My current job is pays good money and the hours are good, but I don't feel like I will be able to get along with everyone in my department. I constantly second guess myself, assume the worst, have low confidence, and feel like quitting before I make any mistakes and embarass myself in front of everyone. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't know how to find a job where I do feel like I belong.
> 
> I know that I have had a job in the past that I enjoyed, to the point where it didn't feel like work and I got along well with my co-workers, and the pay was good. I don't know if I'll ever find a job like that again.


Wow, I see we are in a similar situation. I wish the best for you and hope you find a position like the one you enjoyed.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Well, I made it through the second week but I still have deep regret and sadness at leaving my old job. 

I feel like I ruined my life forever at 29. Why was I so blind to how good I had it?


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## jonsie150 (Apr 1, 2013)

I'm saying this in the kindest way possible.

Yes, you have a paranoia problem (I do too, so I know how you feel, all too well). But I think you also have a problem of obsessing over negative thoughts. You left your previous job cause you were unhappy (for reasons justified or not). And now you're unhappy with this job. Let's say, theoretically, you were given back your old job. Would you be happy there? It's easy to say, "yes, I've learned from my mistake and I would be happy to be there again." But the strongest predictor is the past. And it sounds like, even if you returned to your old job, you'll find a new way to be unhappy.

Again. I'm saying this with utmost sympathy. I know what it's like. I'm just saying that, instead of simplifying it as "I'm unhappy cause of this specific reason," you may have to look at the larger picture and ask why you've been so down. A professional may go a long way in helping. Good luck. You're way stronger than you think; you'll get by just fine.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

jonsie150 said:


> I'm saying this in the kindest way possible.
> 
> Yes, you have a paranoia problem (I do too, so I know how you feel, all too well). But I think you also have a problem of obsessing over negative thoughts. You left your previous job cause you were unhappy (for reasons justified or not). And now you're unhappy with this job. Let's say, theoretically, you were given back your old job. Would you be happy there? It's easy to say, "yes, I've learned from my mistake and I would be happy to be there again." But the strongest predictor is the past. And it sounds like, even if you returned to your old job, you'll find a new way to be unhappy.
> 
> Again. I'm saying this with utmost sympathy. I know what it's like. I'm just saying that, instead of simplifying it as "I'm unhappy cause of this specific reason," you may have to look at the larger picture and ask why you've been so down. A professional may go a long way in helping. Good luck. You're way stronger than you think; you'll get by just fine.


This makes perfect sense. I do obsess over negative thoughts you are right but I also know that if I could go back to my old job with the newfound perspective that I have I would be much happier without question.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I've been at the new job for three weeks now. I still made a huge mistake.

I got suckered in by the higher starting salary and title but got duped by the recruiter who lied to me about several other aspects of the position.

This job change was a great learning experience. I have done much introspection and know much more about my paranoia and mindset that led me to erroneously change jobs.

Hopefully I can last at this job for a year and then go somewhere better. I will be much more careful next time before changing jobs.

It was a tough and painful lesson to learn but I had to learn it. Better late than never I suppose.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

wow, dude!

i am so impressed with you. I really am. There are people walking around with the same symptoms, but unfortunately, they won't admit they have a problem. It's everyone else - not them.

Right now, i'm experiencing this at working with a co-worker from India. Mexico/New Mexico has a VERY passive culture. Thus, this chick literally does a lot of "acting out" on the job. Railing/Ranting/Throwing things/Lecturing/Extreme Territorialism, you name it, she's done it. And she's *"never"* to blame "*everyone else is evil.."*..

She claims that everyone else wants to see her fired. Yeah, it actually would be nice, but no one is actively "turning the screws", as someone else posted.

2 weeks ago, she blew up at me, saying that i was visiting several depts. to talk about her. Every time i go to the bathroom, she's checking to see if i'm not "some where else" - like H.R. talking about her..

Or if i'm talking to the transporters in the hallway (i work in hospitals), she swears that it's about her.

She'll make a comment, then when she is called on it, within mins., she'll say "I never said that"... extremely short memory when it comes to her mistakes. Refuses to ask for help. Doesn't ASK for anything, she demands.

I remember working with her a few years ago at another facility. Very memorable person. When i met her again, at this facility, she "played dumb" and pretended she didn't know me.

then last week she demanded that i no longer say that i knew her from somewhere else or she would report me to HR.

OP, i don't think you are anywhere near as bad as this female. *No where near it. *

Think about it. You experience feelings of remorse, regret, and you're starting all over again with this amazing gift called *"awareness"*.. and you're trying.:yes

some folks just stay in their own disease, quite content to make everyone else the bad guy.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

hoosierguy said:


> I've been at the new job for three weeks now. I still made a huge mistake.
> 
> I got suckered in by the higher starting salary and title but got duped by the recruiter who lied to me about several other aspects of the position.
> 
> ...


oh, recruiters..

you know they are a step below a "used car salesman," right?

It's not your fault for trusting them. Lying is what they do for a living. :blank

Took me a while to learn that they will say any and everything to get that commission.


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## stultussum (Apr 16, 2014)

Sorry to hear you got cheated by a recruiter, at least you're using this as a learning experience. I wish ya the best of luck, dude. I don't personally have paranoia, but I know how feeling like everyone hates you feels, therefore I wish ya the best for the future


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

thinkstoomuch101 said:


> oh, recruiters..
> 
> you know they are a step below a "used car salesman," right?
> 
> ...


Isn't that the truth. My bitterness and resentment grow every day at the recruiter who sold me on this job. I can't believe I felt I couldn't say no and stay at my old job. A job search is all about YOU, nobody else. If your gut says stay then stay.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

stultussum said:


> Sorry to hear you got cheated by a recruiter, at least you're using this as a learning experience. I wish ya the best of luck, dude. I don't personally have paranoia, but I know how feeling like everyone hates you feels, therefore I wish ya the best for the future


Thanks man. I appreciate the words of support.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I have this 90 day probationary period and then the employer makes a decision on whether or not to keep me on permanently. I have LESS security here than I did at my old employer and the god damn recruiter gave me the opposite impression.

I am in damage control mode now trying to make sure my life doesn't spin out of control. I don't sleep as well and I started drinking to cope with the stress so I guess I have failed in that respect.

Looking back on the posts I made while still at my last job just makes me shake my head- what an idiot I was just a couple of months ago! How was I so blind to how good I had it? How stupid, unappreciative, and spoiled was I? Unbelievable. I am just stunned at how absurd my thinking was. I had it great and never appreciated it. That is what gets at me- the total lack of awareness at just how good my situation was and just how much better it was going to be had I just STAYED.


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## Sunganani (May 9, 2014)

Would it help if you could have a discussion with the people you are paranoid about instead of just assuming they hate you etc? Start with saying something over a coffee break or something like that. You might be surprised that they could warm up to you and you could get to know what they really think about you.

Now that you are in a new job, you have the opportunity for a fresh start. All the best.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Sunganani said:


> Would it help if you could have a discussion with the people you are paranoid about instead of just assuming they hate you etc? Start with saying something over a coffee break or something like that. You might be surprised that they could warm up to you and you could get to know what they really think about you.
> 
> Now that you are in a new job, you have the opportunity for a fresh start. All the best.


That is what I should have done. I don't know why I didn't do that. I was afraid of asking the question and getting in trouble but that is silly and paranoid in and of itself- communicating with the boss is no grounds for dismissal.

If I could just go back in time a month and a half I would have stayed and my life would have been fine. It is stunning how I could not foresee and fully understand the true ramifications of my decision.


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## Sunganani (May 9, 2014)

hoosierguy said:


> That is what I should have done. I don't know why I didn't do that. I was afraid of asking the question and getting in trouble but that is silly and paranoid in and of itself- communicating with the boss is no grounds for dismissal.
> 
> If I could just go back in time a month and a half I would have stayed and my life would have been fine. It is stunning how I could not foresee and fully understand the true ramifications of my decision.


I totally identify with you. Here is the thing, as you look back to what you should have done, turn that into lessons for what you should be doing in the future. SA can be beat! I know.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Sunganani said:


> I totally identify with you. Here is the thing, as you look back to what you should have done, turn that into lessons for what you should be doing in the future. SA can be beat! I know.


I have been more open with my new boss as far as letting him know my concerns about the position. I will continue to communicate with him as issues arise so no problems develop.

I just feel like my life is in ruins now and will only get worse. I feared ending up being homeless at my old job so irrationally and the irony is that by leaving I only made that more likely.


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## tim78 (Nov 2, 2008)

I am currently going through this paranoia situation at work where I think nobody likes me. I'm trying to tough it out but it's difficult. The thing is they really do like me. I just can't see it because of my low self esteem and paranoia. Being in love with my coworker doesn't help either.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

tim78 said:


> I am currently going through this paranoia situation at work where I think nobody likes me. I'm trying to tough it out but it's difficult. The thing is they really do like me. I just can't see it because of my low self esteem and paranoia. Being in love with my coworker doesn't help either.


Well, don't do what I did and leave. At least you are aware your perceptions are wrong. If I had such knowledge back in March I never would have left and been fine.


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## Sunganani (May 9, 2014)

hoosierguy said:


> I have been more open with my new boss as far as letting him know my concerns about the position. I will continue to communicate with him as issues arise so no problems develop.
> 
> I just feel like my life is in ruins now and will only get worse. I feared ending up being homeless at my old job so irrationally and the irony is that by leaving I only made that more likely.


That is the irony with irrational paranoia isn't it? I am glad that the new steps you are taking are working well for you. Just keep tackling your attitude with small baby steps and celebrate the small victories. Before you know it, you are handling the biggies and your life will have become better.


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## Sunganani (May 9, 2014)

tim78 said:


> I am currently going through this paranoia situation at work where I think nobody likes me. I'm trying to tough it out but it's difficult. The thing is they really do like me. I just can't see it because of my low self esteem and paranoia. Being in love with my coworker doesn't help either.


Can you be more exact on what you do when you say "you want to tough it out"?


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I've already screwed up this job after 4 1/2 weeks. My bosses know I am overwhelmed, scared, and unhappy- which of course I am. 

I am just so shocked at how I left a stable company for the unknown. I am filled with remorse and anger over my decision to leave my old job.


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## noatomsk (May 15, 2014)

Oh.

I'd communicate with them over quitting. Ask them how they feel. Get feedback.

In fact, maybe you can tell them the mistake you made. Maybe they'll take you back, or at least the bridge won't be burned.

For the new job, try not to make the same mistake. Try to be secure, but be insecure and ask questions (Do you hate me?!) over quitting. The boss may say, "No John, you're getting a raise! You're so underpaid. No one wonder you thought I hated you."


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I punched myself in the head so hard that I gave myself a concussion- what a stupid and idiotic thing to do. I am actively sabotaging my own job!

What the hell is wrong with me? I am almost going off the deep end. I need help and will get some.

Five weeks in and I don't know how badly I have screwed up. I need to FOCUS and make this work but it may be too late. I have to try though.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

I still can't get over what I did- I severed positive relationships needlessly and it is eating away at my psyche and mind. I don't know how to handle it.

I spent so much time and worked so hard to get comfortable at my old job and I threw it away without thinking at all. What the hell did I do? What is wrong with me? I can't function or get through the day. I don't know what to do.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Six weeks in at the new job somehow. I don't know how much longer I will be here.

With each passing day I get more and more upset and angry with myself for the decision I made. It was exactly two months ago today that I accepted this current job with little thought or consideration.

I can't believe I didn't do more thinking and research before taking the plunge. Unreal. How could I do this? I am ruined.


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## toxqan (Jan 12, 2013)

Personally, I would focus more on aspects on the new job you don't like and try to deal with those rather than dwelling on the old job. That is the main determinant of your job and life satisfaction going forward. 

You are a still new and anxiety and confusion are expected this early into a new job (I myself am two months into a bewildering new job at GloboCorp). In time you will be better able to judge whether it's worth it for you to continue. You owe it to yourself to give a bit of time, gain perspective and make an objective decision about that. You're certainly far from being ruined.


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## hoosierguy (Feb 22, 2014)

Well, I am now ruined.

I lasted at this new job for 10 weeks and then took a job as a temp where I lasted 11 weeks before being fired this past Friday.

I spent three days locked up in the psych ward of a hospital getting treatment for clinical depression and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I am so depressed and disengaged from the world that I can't stand to watch TV or do much of anything.

My legacy is a tragic one. I ended my life before I even had a chance to start enjoying it. For shame.


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