# Ability to be alone, a strength?



## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

I have had whole periods of my life when I was mostly alone-friendless, boyfriendless (until I met my hubby). Even now, I have no one except people online I would consider 'friends'. I have acquaintences only-I talk to other parents at my childs' homeschool cooperative.

I've found that being alone can be lonely, yes. But I feel like it can also be a strength. Of course, I am introverted. It seems like a lot of other people have to have tons of people around them and have an active social life. I am happy doing low-key things mostly by myself and/or hubby like reading, writing (I like to write poetry and fiction as a hobby), watching movies, spending time outdoors, meditating.
I've always been happy with this, since I've known. I've just accepted it, that this is the way I am and see it as an advantage.
It's when I'm around a lot of people when I'm unhappy. Sometimes I'll get with a group that feels good, such as a church group. But overall, I'm most happy in the way I've described.
I've found that I've gotten to know my true self, who I really am, and don't need other people around me to define who I am.
Do you think this is strength?


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

No, being alone is a breeding ground for becoming a monster.

As a male I fear one day I'll become a rapist or murderer.

I'll self-terminate before I turn into Mr Hyde.


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## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

drealm said:


> No, being alone is a breeding ground for becoming a monster.
> 
> As a male I fear one day I'll become a rapist or murderer.
> 
> I'll self-terminate before I turn into Mr Hyde.


Why do you think it'll make you into a monster? It doesn't have to, it's your choice. Maybe you could do something with your time, put your energy into something constructive.


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## Lula (Mar 7, 2010)

you're not alone  (in the feeling). I was talking about a similar thing with a member of this community. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely for some of us. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand, if you give you're responsibility to someone else for your happiness consequently you lose your freedom and depend on those people. 

Being alone helps in becoming insightful about ourselves, with friends you do lots of activities that may be fun and distracting but they divert the attention from focusing it within to focusing it in something exterior, theres no problem with that except that those distracting moments only fulfill you temporarily till the next time you go out and have fun while being insightful makes us wiser. Wisdom and insightfulness are the only true qualities that provide an eternal fulfillment and not just temporary.


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## OregonMommy (Mar 3, 2010)

Lula said:


> you're not alone  (in the feeling). I was talking about a similar thing with a member of this community. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely for some of us. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand, if you give you're responsibility to someone else for your happiness consequently you lose your freedom and depend on those people.
> 
> Being alone helps in becoming insightful about ourselves, with friends you do lots of activities that may be fun and distracting but they divert the attention from focusing it within to focusing it in something exterior, theres no problem with that except that those distracting moments only fulfill you temporarily till the next time you go out and have fun while being insightful makes us wiser. Wisdom and insightfulness are the only true qualities that provide an eternal fulfillment and not just temporary.


Yeah, yeah! It seems like strength and wisdom come from the inside, without a dependency on other people. I've found too when I talk to other people like me, the conversation has more depth to it. I love your post, thank you!


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

OregonMommy said:


> Why do you think it'll make you into a monster? It doesn't have to, it's your choice. Maybe you could do something with your time, put your energy into something constructive.


Because I've only become more bitter and angry as time's gone on. It's only logical to extrapolate myself years down the road where I'll not only be worst, but have less options to improve. If I see the first signs of becoming Mr Hyde, I'll lock myself away in a room and chain myself to a pipe.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I agree that being independent is a good thing. 

On the other hand, there is definitely a difference between choosing to be alone and not being able to connect with other people. 

On the other hand, sometimes you need to accept your life for what it is before you can know what you want to do with it.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

I see it as more of a weakness. I don't have to keep my guard up as much because I've never been hurt. Being around people makes you tougher. Not all people are nice, and the more people u are around the thicker your skin is. In general, the more you are exposed to, the more you learn, the stronger you become. It's like a bird that has his wings cut off and is never able to fly. Is he stronger because he is alone in the cage all the time? No, he's weaker, its the other birds that are getting stronger. They got to mingle with the other birds.


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## Lula (Mar 7, 2010)

lonelygirl88 said:


> I see it as more of a weakness. I don't have to keep my guard up as much because I've never been hurt. Being around people makes you tougher. Not all people are nice, and the more people u are around the thicker your skin is. In general, the more you are exposed to, the more you learn, the stronger you become. It's like a bird that has his wings cut off and is never able to fly. Is he stronger because he is alone in the cage all the time? No, he's weaker, its the other birds that are getting stronger. They got to mingle with the other birds.


But muscles like wings don't work the same way as brains. Cognitive methods of each individual are entirely different, if not then it would be like making a rugby team by mixing skinny bony structured nerds with jocks. Some people have an ability to be introspective more than others, they dont need to be part of the experience in order to learn as simply by observing they can see how things work. I personally don't have the desire to gain a "thick skin" in order to hang out with the barbarians because I appreciate the beauty my sensitivity allows me to feel.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

drealm said:


> No, being alone is a breeding ground for becoming a monster.
> 
> As a male I fear one day I'll become a rapist or murderer.
> 
> I'll self-terminate before I turn into Mr Hyde.


This is classic SA. Fearing things that we know won't happen. That "monster" can be taken care of by working on oneself and pressing through the comfort zone.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

It can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I sometimes like being alone rather than spending time with people going to the mall or something, knowing the usual outcome of that in which it normally makes me feel regretful that I chose to go out instead of staying in my room doing other stuff I prefer doing like reading or simply lying on my bed thinking. It was regretful to me simply because it drained me out to go out when I didn't need to. If I do want to go out once in a while, there's nothing wrong with that too. If you stay alone and then find yourself not happy that you are by yourself, then that's different. You will probably feel really bad, wondering why you're all alone, where did your acquaintances go to etc., this I felt too sometimes before.

So when I feel like I want to go out, I would just tell it out, when I didn't want to I would say it as well. Others can't read my mind whether I would want to or not, so it's really up to you.

That's my opinion anyway.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

i see it as a strength, at least i can get on with life while not needing a hoard of people around me


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

I'm usually quite happy when I'm alone, and I'm usually quite happy when I'm around people too. But if I'm around people all day I'll sometime need to recharge my batts by chilling out in my car at lunch or something. I'm just a monumental dork around one or more people in a social setting. I think finding contentment in solitary pursuits is character building, but then again I'm probably bias. Strength, definitely.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

The ability to be alone (and be okay with it) is definitely a strength, but I don't think all people with SA necessarily have this skill. It's helped me a lot, though. I know people who can't be alone ever, and they get really stressed if they have an evening or something by themselves.


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## plastics (Apr 11, 2010)

I definitely think it can be a strength, I always say how simple I am, I like doing simple things, reading/walking/going to the movies/having dinner with my boyfriend. I'm really happy doing simple things. I'm very rarely bored, because just sitting outside on a swing is fun to me. If I'm around people for to long I like getting away and relaxing by myself. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a friend to talk to other than my boyfriend. I think if I had a job though and I was able to talk to at least 1 person working there, that would be okay for me. I don't like going out and doing things all the time. At the same time, being introspective has made be have empathy for others and understand others and read into things. Of course there are plenty of bad things like being bitter, at times being lonely. I'm glad I don't need people constantly around me, the only time I get lonely is if I look at pictures on facebook or something and its someone who I have stuff in common with and they have friends and do fun things that I would want to do. If its people who I have nothing in common with and have to go to bars or something every other night to have fun, I wouldn't miss that because its so uninteresting to me.


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## metallica2147 (Feb 15, 2010)

That's good =). I'm glad you are able to accept this, but it's hard for me. It's hard for me to accept how alone I am because humans are naturally social creatures. I don't want to be alone, but I have no choice as I see it.


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## defoe (Jan 31, 2010)

i definetly also see it as a strenght, because beeing alone/lonely isnt something everybody can cope with. Its good that weve got this "attribute" to us, because on the otherhand we dont start panicing so quickly when we dont have anybody around us.
We learn to gain initative, and do are own thing, despite what other groups of people might do/think


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## Andy43 (Feb 9, 2010)

pita said:


> The ability to be alone (and be okay with it) is definitely a strength, but I don't think all people with SA necessarily have this skill. It's helped me a lot, though. I know people who can't be alone ever, and they get really stressed if they have an evening or something by themselves.


This is true. I think some people on this forum are actually extroverts with SA. This seems strange to be afraid of something (socializing) that could potentially energize them, but it would explain for all the accounts of loneliness on this forum.

I personally enjoy being alone 90% of the time. It's an introverted thing I guess.


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## Thomasjs81 (Jan 3, 2009)

"The sum of man's problems come from his inability to be alone in a silent room." - Blaise Pascal.


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## Saekon (Jan 13, 2010)

I'm able to cope with being alone just fine. Not so much the other way around.


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## BlueJayWay (Mar 24, 2010)

I personally only see it as a strength if you can also handle being around people. It's the same as fearing (or at least not being happy) being alone.
It's still useful to enjoy being alone as it makes you less dependant on other people.


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## relax (May 16, 2010)

Yea, the feeling of independence! it goes both way.

I know lots of people in my grade who is afraid of doing stuff alone that they tag along everyone else just so they wouldn't be left behind. In this situation, the ability to be alone would be quite helpful.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

BlueJayWay said:


> I personally only see it as a strength if you can also handle being around people.


I agree with this. Your whole welfare depends on being able to mingle with others. If you can't do it so well, life will stress you out, and you'll most likely be poor.


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## defoe (Jan 31, 2010)

well, when i think of it, its not really are "Ability" to be able to be alone...
its just that we have no other option that being alone, and thats why we try to see it as possitive as possible


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

I think being able to be by yourself, and be comfortable is a strength, I know some people that cannot be without contact from someone and be okay with it.

Those of us who are alone often find ways of entertaining ourselves, some people can't do that very well, they need an outside source. 

There are positives and negatives.


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## catlover88 (Jun 10, 2010)

I think it's totally healthy and awesome that you're confident and know who you are. That's the point I'm trying to get to myself, being comfortable being an introvert, yet I'm wayy too much of an introvert - I need to have some people in my life lol, right now I just have myself.


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## eejm (Jan 22, 2010)

This conversation makes me think we're talking about the differences between being "lonely" vs. being "alone". There's a HUGE difference between the two, although a lot of people (mostly extroverts, in my experience) find them interchangable.

Loneliness is feeling a lack of connection with people. It can occur to those who spend most of their time away from people or to those who are very socially active and outgoing. Being alone is spending time not connecting with others. Generally it is by choice, but even if it is not, the person who is alone is either comfortable with or has no desire to make connections with other people _at that moment_.


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## sereniti (Jun 23, 2010)

I can see where it would be a strength, as long as one is not using that line of thinking as rationale to isolate. Being able to integrate and interact with a variety of people is a strength as well.


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## egghead (Apr 12, 2010)

I have a strong need to have time to myself. I am probably too comfortable with it. Its a necessity for me though.


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## eejm (Jan 22, 2010)

Sunnie said:


> This is probably one of the greatest posts of all time.
> 
> :squeeze


Oh wow. Thank you, Sunnie. I'm not really sure what to say, other than I'm glad you liked it!


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