# I don't know how to get over my boyfriend cheating on me



## Euphoric (Mar 11, 2016)

So I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year and a half now. We live together now, but the beginning of our relationship was a bit long distance... I had to move a few hours away just a few weeks after meeting him. We only saw each other about a couple times a month for the first half our relationship, but to me things were still really serious. It was my first real relationship, but I knew from the beginning that it just felt really right to me, and I was under the impression that he felt the same way. I went home with him over Christmas and met his parents. We talked about moving in together and about our future together. He went to great lengths to help me through a hard time, and to be with me. I pretty much thought that everything was perfect, even though it was tough to be apart.

But a few months after moving in together, I accidentally stumbled onto some messages on my boyfriend's computer and long story short found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship, with at least five different girls.


My boyfriend was so apologetic when I found out. He was just as much of a mess as I was. I always said that I would never, ever be one of those girls that stayed with someone who cheated on them, and I know it probably sounds like my boyfriend just manipulated me into forgiving him. But I know him so well, and I know that he truly was sorry. And because of this I honestly do trust that he isn't going to cheat on me again. He has done everything in his power to show me that he is sorry and to make it up to me. He is still the person that I love most in the world, and on days where I'm not thinking about all the ways he betrayed me we have a lot of fun together, and he is my best friend.


But other days, I just can't stop thinking about it. I found the pictures of the girls he cheated on me with on Facebook. Sometimes I'll look through their pictures and just needlessly torture myself, thinking about how much prettier they are than me and wondering why in the world he would want to be with me when he's been with them. Or I'll picture him having sex with them while I'm talking to everyone who will listen about what an incredible boyfriend I have and how lucky I am.


A couple months before we moved in together I had been staying with a friend that lived in the same area as my boyfriend. The main reason I chose to stay there was because I was getting so tired of never being able to see him. It was a horrible living situation; the girl I was staying with and I ended up having many disagreements and it was just a really difficult place to be in. My boyfriend would stay the night every few nights, and there was this one night where I woke up in the middle of the night and had a horrible panic attack. My boyfriend left for work early that morning, and I messaged him later on asking if he would come over for another night because I was having a really hard time and just really needed to be with someone. He told me no, that he wanted to sleep on his own bed. We got into kind of a fight about it because I was hurt that he didn't want to be there for me.


Later that day, I got into a bad fight with the girl I was staying with. She ended up telling me that I needed to leave, that instant. I don't have a car, and I don't know many people. I ended up wandering around an unsafe area at 10 at night, calling my boyfriend over and over again, begging him to come pick me up and help me. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I ended up getting in touch with a relative and staying the night there, then laying awake half the night shaking and crying and having the worst anxiety of my life as the people I had been staying with blew up my phone, telling me they were throwing my belongings outside. 


My boyfriend finally answered at 8 am the next day when he was going to work with some lame excuse that he had left his phone in his car all night. I naively bought it. But yeah. Turns out he was cheating on me that night. He chose another girl over me.


On the good days, I spend time with and laugh with my boyfriend who I can finally be with every day. But on the bad days, I relive that night over and over again in my mind and picture what he was doing while I had the worst night of my life. And I think about all of the other ways that he horribly betrayed me. I force him to give me his phone so I can go through it and make sure he's not betraying me again. I go from wanting to spend time with him to absolutely hating him, yelling at him and telling him he's a horrible person. I want so badly to just have the good days. I really do love my relationship. But I just don't know how to completely get over what he did to me. It's been at least four months since I found everything out, and it isn't as hard as it was then. But I feel like it is always going to cause at least slight difficulty.


I just want to know, how do I stop thinking about it? How do I stop picturing their faces and picturing him betraying me? How do I get things to go back to the way they were?


If anyone has been through anything similar, or just has some thoughts to share, I would really really appreciate the advice.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I honestly don't think things will ever be what they were. As long as you are with him you will always have that in the back of your head. 5 girls? That is no respect whatsoever. I'm glad he has changed but I don't know how someone gets over that. My sister was cheated on and tried to stay with the guy. He ended up cheating again after 6 months. She finally had the balls to leave.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

yes, i've been a victim of infidelity...twice. And those were the occasions I found out about it. Nope..no fixing it. It won't get better. In the last case, the marriage lasted another 6 years, but eventually ended.

He hasn't changed...hasn't. Unless he was a diagnosed sex addict and has been undergoing extensive counseling, he hasn't changed.

Do what you want about staying in that kind of a relationship, with a repeat offender, and expect that you'll remain healthy.

I'm so sorry that happened to you...over and over again...believe me.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

You don't get over it. You're blinded by stupid false love. Get as far away from him as possible. Being hot really must be some kind of super power if this is the lengths girls will go to stay with them. LOL


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

You say that you know he's sorry, but this is a common theme with cheaters. They're often manipulators. However much you love him, choosing to stay in the relationship sends the message that you're okay with what he's done.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

Agreed with post above. I always cheated on my first love. I got caught quite a few times . hell once i got walked in on when i was piping some other girl. My girl at the time and that other chick got into it. 

every time I got caught i just apolizied , acted like I was remorseful and she always forgave me. I never stopped cheating on her cause I knew I could get away with it and enjoyed it.

I like you OP. Your a good girl. You remind me of my first love.

As far as getting cheated on..I've been cheated on by a different girl and I never got over it. I eventually left her cause I didn't trust her. Sorry can't be with someone I don't trust.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

I just want to state that I think you are really really _____. Blind. Once a cheater, always a cheater. How can you possibly stay with him. When you're sitting with him, he is probably reminiscing about having sex with someone else. When you're gone, he is probably thinking about ways to stick his cock in another girl without you finding out.

He *will not* be faithful. Ever. Leave him and save yourself the heart ache. Don't be the girl he has to sneak around, just get out. The "good days" will never be back because there never was good days. He obviously doesn't give a **** about you since he was ****ing..what was it, _at least_ 5 different women? Come on, don't be so stupidly naive.


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

I don't think he is sorry he cheated on you; I think he is sorry he got caught. From what I know of family members who have been cheated on, you never get over it while you stay with them. 

That's one of the ultimate betrayals. Of course, you'll probably stay with him and try convincing yourself he is a good guy, but even in your post you show he has been a crappy boyfriend. I hope you can realize that you deserve so much better. The good times can't make up for him betraying you this way, and yeah, it is likely to happen again.

Sorry it happened. I hope you can leave him and find someone who actually values you and your relationship.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Kanova said:


> He *will not* be faithful. Ever. Leave him and save yourself the heart ache. Don't be the girl he has to sneak around, just get out. The "good days" will never be back because there never was good days. He obviously doesn't give a **** about you since he was ****ing..what was it, _at least_ 5 different women? Come on, don't be so stupidly naive.


Seriously I'm even beyond sympathy at this point OP. You know this to be true deep in your gut. You have this fantasy planned out in your head that is so far from reality. Are you delusional? Or are you some kind of masochist?


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I've been in your situation, sort of. I've been married twice, and both marriages ended in divorce because they cheated (my last marriage lasted 18 years).

I tried to stay with my last ex-wife even after she cheated, for a lot of reasons. Because we have three children together. Because I don't believe in just "giving up" on marriage that easily. Because I thought I could forgive and forget. What I didn't realize is...there was nothing left to save. When I found out she was cheating, I should have gotten a divorce attorney and moved out that night. Instead it took me a few more months. What I finally realized is that she had already chosen other guys over me. There was nothing left to talk about. There was no reason to go to marriage counseling. No reason to try to work out our issues. She had already made her choice, that our marriage was worth nothing, and there's no way one spouse can keep a relationship together on their own.

I think it's a really big, huge mistake to stay with him. Besides all the reasoning I just laid out...you're never, ever going to be able to forget it. It will always be in the back of your mind, and you will always have doubts. If he's late coming home from work, from wherever, you're going to wonder where he really is and what he's really doing. I'm sorry you had to go through this, I really am because I remember all too well how it feels to be cheated on. It has got to be the absolute worst feeling in the world. But you need to leave him. By staying you're almost asking for it to happen again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

And btw, he's not sorry. He's sorry he got caught. He's manipulating you. That's what cheaters do. You even mention in your original post that you knew people that responded to this thread were going to say you're being manipulated. So. You know what's going on. Why are you still with him?


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## silentstruggle (Jul 16, 2014)

Get the **** out of that relationship, seriously. 
I've been there, and I tried to move past it with him but I could never forget the hurt. I never could understand why he did it, or stop thinking will it happen again? The trust is never gonna be there. This whole thing will drive you crazy and haunt you until you free yourself of him.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Cheating on you with 5 different women isn't just a mistake, that's not just getting lonely or caught up in the moment, or a temporary lapse in judgement. I think you should leave him, but obviously you haven't, so I just hope it doesn't hurt too much when this happens again, and again, until you finally do leave.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

It wasn't just once it was 5 girls. This might not be registering to you because it was an ldr but he cheated on you _five _ times.

Instead of being there for you he lied to you and had sex with another woman, when you weren't even living far away at that point. I mean at best he did it because he was pissed off about your argument or at worst he actually really doesn't give a **** and was already planning on sleeping with her before you fought. Either way having sex with someone else because you're pissed off is a ****ty thing to do.

You'd probably have to see a therapist, but you shouldn't have to put up with that.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

DAMN. Five girls? Cheating on someone in general is a selfish thing to do, but your boyfriend was involved with five girls. That's beyond messed up. My sister was cheated on. How did she find out? Her boyfriend decided to fess up on Father's Day. Her boyfriend doesn't have a father and he thought that revealing his cheating on my sister would give him a glimpse of sympathy, but nope. My sister dumped him and the whole family stopped speaking to him. Family comes first for me. That jerk is long gone. You don't have to keep in touch with the cheater. It's your decision. Do what you believe us best for you.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

He is not worth it.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

He's not sorry if he cheated with five different people. You're a better person than he is if you're thinking of forgiving him but he will do it again.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Why the hell are you still with him? Break up ASAP. This dude obviously has no respect for you.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Well...5 that she knows about. She did say "at least" 5. There could be more. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I wouldn't know how to go about getting over that, to be honest. The fact that he cheated multiple times means that after each single time he just didn't feel guilt enough to not do it again. Cheating once is bad enough, but he can't even try the excuse that it was one stupid mistake. The fact that he didn't come to your aid when you'd clearly told him you needed some help, that night you mentioned being incredibly distressed, shows that his priorities were in the completely wrong place. Even if you had been arguing, that's ****ed up and not how you deserved to be treated.

I'm really sorry, because I suspect you probably want someone to tell you that things can still be ok. But I'd be surprised if they ever could be... the trust that has been broken is something that I doubt could ever be rebuilt now. You can't get things back to the way they were, because the way they were was built on the assumption that he was being faithful to you when he wasn't. Even if he now promises he'd never do it again, I would have thought it will be easier in the long-run to leave this relationship and wait to be with someone who wouldn't have put themselves in the position where they'd need to make that promise to you. If you decide to stay with him, I think it'd have to be in the knowledge that you might never 'get over' what's happened. Whether that still makes the relationship worth it to you is the question you'd have to figure out the answer to.


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## Mr Fluff (Sep 16, 2014)

Euphoric said:


> So I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year and a half now. We live together now, but *the beginning of our relationship was a bit long distance... *I had to move a few hours away just a few weeks after meeting him. *We only saw each other about a couple times a month* for the first half our relationship, but to me things were still really serious. It was my first real relationship, but I knew from the beginning that* it just felt really right to me*, and I was under the impression that he felt the same way. I went home with him over Christmas and met his parents. We talked about moving in together and about our future together. He went to great lengths to *help me through a hard time*, and to be with me. *I pretty much thought that everything was perfect*, even though it was tough to be apart.
> 
> But a few months after moving in together, *I accidentally stumbled onto some messages on my boyfriend's computer *and long story short found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship, *with at least five different girls.
> *
> ...


I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed out about this whole situation with someone you love. 
You formed a deep attachment to him because he helped you through an emotional time in your life and you believed it was the perfect relationship.

But you were _only seeing him a couple times a month during the first half of the relationship (9 months approximately?)_---this is the same time during which he was still sleeping with other women.
Perhaps he was not quite as committed to the relationship as you were during that time period. No doubt you feel very betrayed by what happened because the relationship was not at the level you believe it to be during that time.

*I am not excusing what he did*--if he was telling you your relationship with him was 100% exclusive from the beginning, then he should not have been having sex with other people. :no
However, if you want to learn and move on from this, you have to look at yourself as well.

Now, this is just an observation about your story...
Despite it being very long and detailed description of events--it does kind of ignore his perception of what was going on and how the relationship affected him during that time. 
Quite often, in younger or first relationships, people will tend focus solely on what they are getting out of the relationship and either ignore, gloss over, or adapt their partner's experience of the relationship to match their own. I'm not saying you've done this, I'm just bringing it up as a possibility based on the story.

Another thing I noticed from your description... 
Was that you might have some dependency issues; you expected and demanded emotional support from your partner whenever you wanted it and in spite of his reluctance. That can be pretty overwhelming for a partner (him) so early on in a relationship, even in a marriage it can be a bit much. To have a healthy relationship with anyone, adults must learn to self-soothe to a certain extent, and respect the other person's boundaries as an autonomous individual with their own needs.

And one more thing... 
You described a few controlling and emotionally abusive behaviours, which I've bolded in the quote. No matter what he did, it doesn't excuse that sort of behaviour from you. If you cannot control yourself, then you probably should not be in a relationship.

Things won't go back to the way they were--because they way it was (from your perspective) was never an accurate view of the relationship. You said that you "honestly do trust that he isn't going to cheat" on you again, but your whole post is about how you are having troubles trusting him. So, on some level, you're lying to yourself.
*TL;DR*
Accept that the relationship was never as you thought it was.
Most people who cheat on multiple occasions do it again.
If you truly cannot trust him and _completely _let it go, then you should not be in a relationship with him.
If you treat a partner with hostility and suspicion--no matter how much you think they deserve it--they will eventually leave.
If you try to control them, they will learn to avoid you, and eventually leave.​


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

@Holds The Key you bolded a lot of stuff and the only thing that was emotionally abusive is 'I force him to give me his phone' and 'I go from wanting to spend time with him to absolutely hating him, yelling at him and telling him he's a horrible person.' so you should probably clarify that because the other stuff is confusing, like you bolded long distance relationships but having a long distance relationship isn't emotionally abusive :/


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Holds The Key said:


> I
> And one more thing...
> You described a few controlling and emotionally abusive behaviours, which I've bolded in the quote. No matter what he did, it doesn't excuse that sort of behaviour from you. If you cannot control yourself, then you probably should not be in a relationship.
> If you treat a partner with hostility and suspicion--no matter how much you think they deserve it--they will eventually leave.
> If you try to control them, they will learn to avoid you, and eventually leave.​


I didn't notice that on my first read through, but this is a good point. The relationship is basically on a slow death from both sides. She can't get over how he hurt her, and she's now acting in a way that's going to be hurting him. Both of them are going to be growing discontent with the current setup, and for someone with a proclivity to cheat when they have fights, it's going to end up getting worse. Even if he doesn't cheat, she's going to push him away, and when he distances himself she's going to get more suspicious, and there it spirals.


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## The Starry night (May 23, 2015)

andretti said:


> Agreed with post above. I always cheated on my first love. I got caught quite a few times . hell once i got walked in on when i was piping some other girl. My girl at the time and that other chick got into it.
> 
> every time I got caught i just apolizied , acted like I was remorseful and she always forgave me. I never stopped cheating on her cause I knew I could get away with it and enjoyed it.
> 
> ...


Wait so how the hell does that even work. The person who you supposedely love you cheat on them ? :/

You dont cheat on someone who you love.


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## The Starry night (May 23, 2015)

@OP, love comes down to trusting someone so if you cant trust him then leave him bcos he'll do it again. If he has changed truly he won do it again. If he loves you then he would care about your feelings and not want to hurt you.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

The Starry night said:


> Wait so how the hell does that even work. The person who you supposedely love you cheat on them ? :/
> 
> You dont cheat on someone who you love.


Hard to explain unless you going through it but she was my first so as soon as I got my first taste of p I was on a mission to pipe as many girls as I possibly could. I did love her though. Out of all the girls ive ever been with I loved her the most out of all of them . she was special. I left her and ended up regretting it many years later. She was a straight ride or die chick. Down for me no one ever loved me like her.


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## Mr Fluff (Sep 16, 2014)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I didn't notice that on my first read through, but this is a good point. The relationship is basically on a slow death from both sides. She can't get over how he hurt her, and she's now acting in a way that's going to be hurting him. Both of them are going to be growing discontent with the current setup, and for someone with a proclivity to cheat when they have fights, it's going to end up getting worse. Even if he doesn't cheat, she's going to push him away, and when he distances himself she's going to get more suspicious, and there it spirals.


Exactly! :agree


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## Euphoric (Mar 11, 2016)

Holds The Key said:


> I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed out about this whole situation with someone you love.
> You formed a deep attachment to him because he helped you through an emotional time in your life and you believed it was the perfect relationship.
> 
> But you were _only seeing him a couple times a month during the first half of the relationship (9 months approximately?)_---this is the same time during which he was still sleeping with other women.
> ...


I really appreciate this response. It is hard to admit to myself but I know that it's true. Ever since finding out that he cheated on me I think I've been subconsciously pushing him to his limit to kind of reassure myself that he's not going to snap and then go cheat on me again. But I realize how unhealthy it is and I don't want to continue doing this. I just get stuck in obsessive thought where I can't stop thinking about what has happened, and I don't know how to cope with it other than to bring it up to my boyfriend, and then one of us always ends up upset. I feel like I'm at least somewhat close to completely forgiving him, but it's the forgetting that I haven't got down yet. I guess I just have to learn to get myself through it and not talk to him about it when it's upsetting me? But it just seems incredibly unfair that I have to suffer through his mistakes alone.

I got a couple responses about how I'm being naive, so I thought I should respond to that. I'm not denying that my boyfriend has issues; he absolutely does. But I tend to think that just because someone made some really ****ed up mistakes, doesn't make them a completely horrible person. I only found out after finding out about the cheating that I had been the first person that he had sex with, and I'd take a guess and assume it's pretty difficult to go straight from losing your virginity to only seeing your girlfriend once or twice a month. My boyfriend's explanation of it was that because I was his first, he was kind of emotionally confused and didn't know if he wanted to be with me because of his feelings for me, or because I was his first and he felt like we were just supposed to be together. So I guess that was the initial cause of the cheating, and then according to him "he couldn't get himself to stop doing it." And it makes at least a little bit of sense. He hardly saw me, so it didn't give much time for guilt to sink in. He'd have sex with someone else and then not see me for a few weeks still, so by the time he did he was hardly thinking about it. It was like he was living a dual life. I'm not at all excusing what he did, because there really is no excuse for it. But I'm trying not to look at him as this horrible monster, but rather someone who just made some immature mistakes and realized they wanted to change after seeing how much those mistakes affected the person that they love.

I found out about the cheating at a time when there were a lot of other rough things going on in my life involving family, and for the first couple of days I was a complete wreck, I kept having severe anxiety attacks, couldn't sleep, etc. My boyfriend took a day off of work just to sit with me and help me out when I was having a difficult time. I didn't ask him to do that. My boyfriend has done more for me throughout the past year and a half than most people have done for me in my lifetime. He has inspired me to be a better person, and I have grown and matured a lot because of our relationship. I have made some ridiculous mistakes myself... granted, nothing as bad as cheating, and he has still believed in me and supported me. He has gone to such great lengths to prove that he wants to be with me and that he really does love me and care about me. It would be one thing if he treated me like **** most of the time, and then cheated on me. But besides the cheating, he has honestly been the most incredible boyfriend I could ask for. I had talked to my mom and my sister on the day I found out, and they were absolutely shocked that he would do something like that, just because it's so completely out of character. The people who have observed my relationship and know how amazingly he has treated me aside from this have been understanding thus far of why I want to continue being with him. I am choosing to give the person that I love the benefit of the doubt, and if it doesn't work out then yeah, I'll be devastated. But it seems the better option as opposed to walking away and wondering if we could have worked things out. He means too much to me to not at least try.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Five girls and the relationship is less than two years old. Not a great start.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

:sigh


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## ZombieIcecream (Nov 30, 2014)

Leave his *** and don't look back. You deserve better.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

I like you OP. Your loyal.
. He cheats not because he hates you but because he misses you. Very understandable.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Euphoric said:


> My boyfriend finally answered at 8 am the next day when he was going to work with some lame excuse that he had left his phone in his car all night. I naively bought it. But yeah. Turns out he was cheating on me that night. He chose another girl over me.


This part is really, really, really bad.

It does sound like you're blinded to how deeply flawed his character is. The bottom line is he was sleeping with you one night and then with another girl the next night and lying about it.

This will almost certainly happen again in the future when the relationship gets stale.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

He was there for you emotionally and women are more likely to forgive sexual cheating when that is the case. If you cheated on your boyfriend even once (not five times) you'd probably be broken up already lol... Just saying. There's a high chance he will cheat again since he has already several times, but it's your choice ultimately and if you weren't getting anything out of the relationship you wouldn't be so determined to stick with it I suppose. I hope he's worth it. :stu


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

andretti said:


> I like you OP. Your loyal.
> . He cheats not because he hates you but because he misses you. Very understandable.


lol. But he chose to spend the night with some other woman instead of her.

But I think the "I cheated because I missed you" is a good line.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

AngelClare said:


> lol. But he chose to spend the night with some other woman instead of her.
> 
> But I think the "I cheated because I missed you" is a good line.


Maybe I'm reading the story wrong, but weren't they apart that night because they got in a fight and she left to sleep at a friends?


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

multiple girls? you need to dump him.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

You'll get your heart broken and he'll cheat again. I guarantee it.


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## Mr Fluff (Sep 16, 2014)

Euphoric said:


> *I am choosing to give the person that I love the benefit of the doubt, and if it doesn't work out then yeah, I'll be devastated. But it seems the better option as opposed to walking away and wondering if we could have worked things out. He means too much to me to not at least try.*


Only _you _know what's best for yourself in this situation. This is _your_ journey and it's _your _decision whether you stay with him or not. I know you weren't directing the second part of your comment at me, but I want you to know that I don't see you as being naive about this--you actually seem very aware and intelligent. People react strongly to cheating because it is a contentious topic based on values. Although, disapproval of it varies considerably, depending on the culture and age of whomever is judging it.

As for your problem with the obsessive thoughts... You went through something traumatic and it will take some time for the sting of it to wear off. Perhaps you could look up some of the techniques of dialect behaviour therapy; it was designed with a particular mental disorder in mind, but many of its techniques can be applied in the average person's life.
Here's a couple of links to start with:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/dbt.htm
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/distress-tolerance-dialectical-behavior-therapy-0117134


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

I would get him tested medically for any sexually transmitted diseases he is carrying if you are going to continue seeing him.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Maybe I'm reading the story wrong, but weren't they apart that night because they got in a fight and she left to sleep at a friends?


It sounds like they got into an argument after he said he didn't want to spend another night with her. It turns out he was having sex with another girl.



Euphoric said:


> My boyfriend would stay the night every few nights, and there was this one night where I woke up in the middle of the night and had a horrible panic attack. My boyfriend left for work early that morning, and I messaged him later on asking if he would come over for another night because I was having a really hard time and just really needed to be with someone. He told me no, that he wanted to sleep on his own bed. We got into kind of a fight about it because I was hurt that he didn't want to be there for me.


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## Euphoric (Mar 11, 2016)

Holds The Key said:


> Only _you _know what's best for yourself in this situation. This is _your_ journey and it's _your _decision whether you stay with him or not. I know you weren't directing the second part of your comment at me, but I want you to know that I don't see you as being naive about this--you actually seem very aware and intelligent. People react strongly to cheating because it is a contentious topic based on values. Although, disapproval of it varies considerably, depending on the culture and age of whomever is judging it.
> 
> As for your problem with the obsessive thoughts... You went through something traumatic and it will take some time for the sting of it to wear off. Perhaps you could look up some of the techniques of dialect behaviour therapy; it was designed with a particular mental disorder in mind, but many of its techniques can be applied in the average person's life.
> Here's a couple of links to start with:
> ...


Thank you so much for your understanding and for the great advice, it's really appreciated and I will definitely check this out.



meepie said:


> I would get him tested medically for any sexually transmitted diseases he is carrying if you are going to continue seeing him.


This is a really good suggestion, and actually one of the first things I did prior to finding out. Thank you for the advice.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

Sounds like a winner.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Sorry to be so negative but it's doomed. You can forgive but you'll never be able to forget. And I'm a firm believer in the "Once a cheater, always a cheater" saying.



> But I know him so well...


But you clearly didn't. You didn't know him well enough to know he was with FIVE other girls? When I'm with someone I can sense when even the slightest thing is 'off' and I'm right 99% of the time. And think about this: if you hadn't found out, would he still be cheating? Probably. He only apologized because you found out. This relationship is clearly abusive in a major way and you need to get out of it now before he screws you over again. It's only a matter of time. I promise.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Guy sounds like a goddamn douchebag...

I mean, he cheated on you FIVE times?!? Jesus ****!

Run away from him, don't walk. RUN.


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

Why was this bumped, the thread starter is long gone


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I'm doubtful that you should trust him. He did cheat with at least five different girls. He was perfectly fine with doing this until he got caught. Seems like he was more sorry that he got caught than sorry he hurt you.

Either way, sorry you've been having such a tough time.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Witchblade said:


> Why was this bumped, the thread starter is long gone


Didn't notice that  Can't even be sure who necroed this, because some people have been necroing topics and then deleting their post after others reply.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Trust is hard to earn and easy to lose. I don't see a point in investing into a relationship with someone who hasn't proven they can be faithful. The quicker you get them out of your life, the quicker you can put this in the past. 

In my experience, people like this don't change. It wasn't one freak occurrence (which is unacceptable as well), he was serially cheating on you. That's vile, reptilian behavior. You're going to feel resentful towards that until the end, and you have every right to. Just put him behind you.

*EDIT* Oh, I'm talking to a tombstone. Why bump this?


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)




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