# I think I Crave Sympathy



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

This is really hard for me to post/talk about it. Not sure how long this will stay up.

I'm extremely ashamed to admit this. I hate myself for it. I know it's absolutely wrong. I don't want to crave it. I don't think I actively do...but I think way deep down it's there. Ever since I've been little...often while trying to fall asleep or daydreaming...my mind will just wander/fantasize about situations where people feel sorry for me. Like somehow something bad happening to me would make me feel better.

Going into therapist mode...I think I know exactly what it stems from. When me and my younger brother were little he got diagnosed with cancer...was in and out of the hospital all the time. People always worried about him...if I had to guess, all then attention he received messed me up in the head somehow. Despite knowing this...I can't fix it.

It's not like it causes many problems...I'm not jumping in front of cars or anything...although sometimes I wonder if I keep myself depressed on purpose. It's just a feeling or an almost subconscious thought that I would like to shake because it's pretty disturbing.

Anybody relate? I should probably just call a therapist already.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

:hide


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I can see where you could get stuck in a cycle of wanting sympathy and then creating circumstances to get it. If that's how it seems to work for you, then this seems like an important insight. Insight alone doesn't change things, but it's a start. 

I would think that finding ways to break the cycle, if that's how it operates, would be a start. Then working on finding alternative ways to get the good feelings you now associate with sympathy?

Good start admitting this to yourself and there's value in talking about it openly. Good luck.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Atticus said:


> I can see where you could get stuck in a cycle of wanting sympathy and then creating circumstances to get it. If that's how it seems to work for you, then this seems like an important insight. Insight alone doesn't change things, but it's a start.
> 
> I would think that finding ways to break the cycle, if that's how it operates, would be a start. Then working on finding alternative ways to get the good feelings you now associate with sympathy?
> 
> Good start admitting this to yourself and there's value in talking about it openly. Good luck.


^ This seems like a pretty good answer to me. Find comfort or satisfaction in other things to replace the ones you get from sympathy.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

I love you, bro.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Thanks for the replies, guys. Especially Dak...:love


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## IcemanKilmer (Feb 20, 2011)

I think the desire for sympathy, when you are in pain, is a natural human emotion. It's normal to want someone to know that you are having problems with depression or loneliness. As long as you're not obsessed with it, i don't see anything wrong with it.


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## Pam (Feb 14, 2009)

I think feeling like that is a perfectly natural response to the circumstances you were in as a child--that you missed out on some of the attention you probably *would've* gotten, except that your brother was sick. There is absolutley nothing wrong with how you feel. Please do *not* feel ashamed or "hate yourself" for it!

You are very insightful, and yes, insight by itself isn't enough to make yourself feel better or get rid of the need. (i know from experience). I used to crave caring and sympathy or empathy a LOT, because I didn't get it when I was little either. For me, connecting with people now was the answer. For you, maybe you could go out of your way to get noticed or get attention from doing something positive, like doing a drawing or whatever you have a talent for (rather than for something negative like a sickness or injury).


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## voospenvi2734 (Dec 2, 2010)

What's wrong with wanting sympathy? People should feel sympathetic for us, we deserve it. Our life is literally a living hell. 
Don't be so hard on urself man jeez


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## JamieHasAnxiety (Feb 15, 2011)

**hugs** poor baby..

Yeah ditto what Dustii7 said.
I hope you feel better Dr.Dorian.


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

I think it's pretty normal considering how you might have felt a little neglected while your brother received more attention because of the cancer. As others have said, having an insight into why you crave sympathy is the first step to overcoming the need for it. IMO, seeing a therapist would be a good idea.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

StevenGlansberg said:


> This is really hard for me to post/talk about it. Not sure how long this will stay up.
> 
> I'm extremely ashamed to admit this. I hate myself for it. I know it's absolutely wrong. I don't want to crave it. I don't think I actively do...but I think way deep down it's there. Ever since I've been little...often while trying to fall asleep or daydreaming...my mind will just wander/fantasize about situations where people feel sorry for me. Like somehow something bad happening to me would make me feel better.
> 
> ...


It would be a form of self-pity/passive depression. You know - you handled the stress of your brother having cancer, too. It's not like you didn't go through something during that time, too. I would not know what that is like. You wouldn't know what it is like having an unmedicated bipolar parent run a house for nine years - but port of me wishes I had a "normal" upbringing.

The thing is that we did the best we could with what we were given. We don't need self-pity when we are survivors.....tiger blood....bi-winning. :lol


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## fush6644 (Dec 30, 2010)

I do the same thing. I'm not sure why by I feel a hole open up inside me and it's like I need sympathy to make myself feel better again. I don't know why I need sympathy from others (putting on the therapist hat as you put it) but I feel like it probably stems from my mom being so overbearing as that has caused a lot of my other problems. ops who knew loving a child too much could be just as bad as not enough...


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## heyitsbecca (Nov 12, 2014)

*Thank you for your post!!*

Oh my goodness I am SOO glad you posted this! 
I haven't had any traumatic kind of experiences like the one you mentioned but I have been feeling the exact same way for a long time and I thought I was the only one who felt like that. 
Everything you said describes me perfectly, I've thought all about different situations that would harm me or affect me in some way that would cause me to receive sympathy which I feel like I should think is sick but I honestly don't actually feel anything about.
Which I know is bad ha ha. 
I just have no idea how to deal with it but I am just so relieved I'm not the only one.
I don't really feel depressed about it so...not quite sure what it is...but again, thank you for posting


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## heyitsbecca (Nov 12, 2014)

heyitsbecca said:


> Oh my goodness I am SOO glad you posted this!
> I haven't had any traumatic kind of experiences like the one you mentioned but I have been feeling the exact same way for a long time and I thought I was the only one who felt like that.
> Everything you said describes me perfectly, I've thought all about different situations that would harm me or affect me in some way that would cause me to receive sympathy which I feel like I should think is sick but I honestly don't actually feel anything about.
> Which I know is bad ha ha.
> ...


 Wow...I just realized how your post is....heh :um


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## AHolivier (Aug 6, 2009)

.


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## Chrissy810 (Jan 23, 2018)

FINALLY I'VE FOUND A POST LIKE ME. I never thought I'd find someone like me. Every time I day dream i end up thinking of ways where people would feel bad for me. Sometimes I end up intentionally avoiding my friends and their messages just to see it. (Only did it like once or twice.) But it's really become a problem and I don't know how to break this cycle. This most likely stems from the fact that I'm the only daughter and youngest in my family, so my mom used to dote on me a lot and one of my brothers would call me out on wanting attention all the time. It was kinda true at times. It only got worse in highschool because of my low self esteem. Now I don't know how to stop these thoughts, any ideas?? ? Gonna make my own thread too.


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