# When should I break the news to a girl?



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I'd prefer a girl's opinion on this since they might be more sensitive to the issue, but really any solid logic is appreciated. Anyway, I've been meeting girls on a dating site and one problem that I've run into is that I've just realized that I'm not physically attracted to a girl that I've been texting back and forth with the last week. On her dating profile she only put up a single flattering picture of her face and according to that one picture I figured I was attracted to her, but this morning we exchanged facebooks and unfortunately there's no way to get around it, I'm not attracted to her at all. I'm a pretty firm believer in letting someone know how you feel right away and not leading anyone on, so my dilemma is that I can't let her know that I'm not interested at this point because she'll realize that it's because I'm not attracted to her after checking her profile, I'd feel horrible if I left her feeling insecure about her looks. I haven't yet officially asked her out on a date, but it's just kind of been assumed that I will ask her due to our texting. 

So should I just take her out on a date and then tell her I'm not interested sometime after, or do I just be more straight forward by telling her today and run the risk of having her realize it's because I saw more accurate pictures of her?


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

Just tell her, asap, that your plans have changed and you,re no longer looking. No need to jerk her around.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

Stop interacting with her. Be friendly/neutral to any further exchange from her. She'll get the picture.


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## sunnytroll (Nov 15, 2013)

I agree with the above two posters. Don't drag it out.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

I'm now curious what her photos look like, lol. Yeah, people can look completely different in photos.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

Straight forward. The truth ain't always a pleasant thing to hear.


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

yup, again, don,t jerk her around as you were thinking of doing.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

veron said:


> I'm now curious what her photos look like, lol. Yeah, people can look completely different in photos.


lol I don't think she'd appreciate me posting her photos up to analyze her looks haha. She's not ugly by any means, I'd say plenty of guys would find her attractive, but I just don't unfortunately, too bad though she's so nice and sweet.

Anyway, thanks it looks like the general consensus is that I should just be straight forward with her, which I'll do later today.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

you probably should tell her. Although if you didn't meet her in person yet... maybe her pictures are just misleading and you never know.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I don't think so, she had hundreds of photos up and literally the only photo of her that I found attractive was the one that she put up on her dating site profile.


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## Juno1984 (Nov 5, 2013)

This is the thing that annoys me about dating sites. People either post a picture of themselves when they used to go to the gym, or were 5-10 years younger.

We cannot help who we are attracted to, and who we are not attracted to. I don't wanna make assumptions about her but people have even told me on POF that they deliberately post misleading pictures so they can land themselves a date. 

It's very unfair to confuse and trap people. If you cut contact with her she might know why, but it's the best thing to do rather than take her out and waste everybody's time.


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## Juno1984 (Nov 5, 2013)

I don't think you should tell her that you don't like her looks if you were gonna do that. That will be awful. Cancel the date if there is one and make up an emergency and if necessary cut out emailing, texting etc and she'll simply fade away.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Juno I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I told her straight up that I didn't think she was attractive haha, I'm just going to tell her that she's cute and nice but I'm just not interested.

Shup, hopefully she'll catch on and realize she needs to be upfront on her profile about certain things. I figure in the realm of deal breakers, most of them can be subjective, but regardless, I figure anything that could potentially be seen as a common deal breaker should be stated on the profile, like I know there's a percentage of girls who aren't into shy guys, so I mention that I'm a little shy and quiet, and nobody's time is wasted.


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

crimeclub said:


> Juno I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I told her straight up that I didn't think she was attractive haha, I'm just going to tell her that she's cute and nice but I'm just not interested.


 That's sensible. Actually directly telling her that it is because you don't find her attractive could be a bit hurtful, but being straightforward about not being interested is important.


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## DonnaDunno (Nov 15, 2013)

Honesty is the best policy...don't waste her time or your's with a date if her looks are killing things for you. 

Option A: 

Don't have to go out of your way to be a dick about it but you could just straight up say "You are really cool and I like the way you think, you seem funny/smart/sweet/(whatever is positive and actually true) but I'm not physically attracted to you and I am not in a place in my life where I can get past that." 

You will sound like a superficial jerk but if the looks issue is the hold up then the right thing to do is to let her know so she at least knows where she stands with you and possibly other guys and can choose what to do with that info. Also, it allows her to keep her dignity because you aren't implying that she is too weak to handle the truth of the situation and you also aren't assuming her life will be destroyed and spirit crushed eternally because you don't find her physically attractive. 

Option B: 

"You are really smart and totally sexy...you will make some guy really happy one day. But that guy won't be me because I have to...wash my car/ stay home with my sick grandma/save a village of starving african kids so I won't be able to hang out with you anytime soon. Damn my bad luck!" 

You will come off looking like a nice guy but you aren't helping her out and assuming she is not dumb she will know you lost interest but may not be able to pinpoint WHY and could come to even more painful or confusing conclusions than the reality that you don't like her looks. 


Would you rather be an honest, nice guy at the sake of looking quite superficial or blow her off with some BS response she will see through and be ultimately more hurt by but you avoid looking like the superficial, horny ****tard you are?


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

DonnaDunno said:


> Honesty is the best policy...don't waste her time or your's with a date if her looks are killing things for you.
> 
> Option A:
> 
> ...


Does me preferring to find someone that I'm attracted to make me a superficial, horny, ****tard?


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

I agree with most people here that you shouldn't lead her on. Mentioning her physical appearance, however, may not be the most tactful way to go about it, (Even if that's the truth.) Simply confessing that you enjoyed talking to her, but you felt no romantic spark, should suffice.


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## CheekyBunny (Nov 10, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> Does me preferring to find someone that I'm attracted to make me a superficial, horny, ****tard?


Of course not OP but please don't be a coward and just cease all contact with this girl without telling her upfront that you're just not interested in chatting to her/getting to know her anymore or whatever. I've had this happen before and it's not a nice feeling being completely disregarded like that and ignored lol.

Would probably not want to know your reason if I was that girl though.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

CheekyBunny said:


> Of course not OP but please don't be a coward and just cease all contact with this girl without telling her upfront that you're just not interested in chatting to her/getting to know her anymore or whatever. I've had this happen before and it's not a nice feeling being completely disregarded like that and ignored lol.
> 
> Would probably not want to know your reason if I was that girl though.


Yeah I'm just wanting Donna to explain herself.

I wouldn't just avoid communicating all together that's a little childish. And yeah mentioning her looks is out of the question, that's just unnecessary.


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## DonnaDunno (Nov 15, 2013)

Hmmm...well, for me, your behavior and preferences as they relate to finding a mate seem superficial and ****tarded in the context of idealistic love but it's all subjective really. It just seems like you should at least feel guilty about dropping an otherwise lovely girl over something as fleeting and subjective as good looks or lack thereof. 

I'm like a 4.5/10 in looks and won't date lower than 7/10 so I am not holding myself up as a non ****tarded example btw. As an ugly girl I would much rather take the emotional pain of the truth and knowing where someone stands so I can tell them where I stand then to play act some "Manners" charade that gives the guy kicking me to the curb the silent upper hand.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I don't think I'm as ignorant about relationships as you assume that I am, or are just hoping that I am, so if you're getting any satisfaction from telling off a "superficial f**ktard" then sorry to tell you it's an unwarranted satisfaction. I don't sacrifice other priorities for looks, and I don't regard looks as my top priority. Given the choice between a guy you're compatible with and attracted to and a guy you're compatible with but not attracted to, which one would you choose? Does it upset you that I have the luxury of this choice? Because you sound bitter as hell. I wouldn't be doing this girl any favors by starting a relationship with her that lacks any physical attraction.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

If you like this girl's personality outside of her looks and admit that she is attractive, just not to you, what's the harm in going on one date? You haven't even given her a chance. People are completely different in real life, so best case scenario you could end up having something good. Worst case, you guys don't click and then she won't feel like you're ditching her over superficial reasons. I can't even tell you how devastated I would be if a guy was interested in me and then suddenly wasn't once he got to see more of me/my life. You don't seem like a cruel man & attraction is important. But it's a sensitive issue. If hanging out with her seems unbearable, I guess make something up to make her feel less like crap. Good luck.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

That's why I'd never add someone from a dating site to my facebook. You can't just do the fade unless you delete them or something.


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## megsy00 (Nov 5, 2013)

I agree u should tell her. The longer it takes the harder it'll be especially if u do take her on a date..  just try to be nice and make her feel like it was nothing she did. Goodluck


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## Juno1984 (Nov 5, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> Juno I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I told her straight up that I didn't think she was attractive haha, I'm just going to tell her that she's cute and nice but I'm just not interested.


Oh yes, I knew you wouldn't treat someone like that! 

Yeah letting her down gently is totally fine. Sounds like you really like her but just not in that way, which isn't anyones fault.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

You talked to a girl for a little bit on a dating site and then texted her for a week. I don't see how that's enough of a commitment to have to tell a girl you've lost interest. Hell, people don't even do that if they lose interest after a first date. The way these things usually work is that one person stops responding to the other, and then the other person gets the hint. That's how every girl who has ever flaked out on me has handled it, and that's how I've done it as well. Works like a charm.

If you had started getting serious with her and then completely stopped talking to her, that's a bit cold, but this is pretty ground level. It's fine.


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## starburst93 (Dec 1, 2012)

Just tell her she's a nice girl, but you don't see it going anywhere. If she asks for a reason or suspects its because you saw her pictures, I don't think it would be a bad thing to tell a white lie. Why hurt her self esteem?


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## Mussolini (Jun 5, 2013)

Seems a bit shallow on your part, but oh well...


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## asc (Nov 8, 2011)

OP,
I don't think you're being shallow at all here. Like others have said def. don't lead her on any further now that you know how you feel. That is what matters most. If I wasn't attracted to someone based on what I saw I wouldn't agree to meet up with them just because I liked talking to them. I hate the lead up to the friend zone conversation I've had with some guys more than anything but when it's called for you gotta do it. I don't try to stay friends with guys off POF though even if I've enjoyed our conversation. No sir, not my thing. 

I like the fact that you wouldn't just cut off communication completely. I'm guilty of doing this in the past, but I had it happen recently to me where I was seeing this guy for over a month and he just disappeared. We had terrible communication together. The guy before that disappeared on me too. It's not a nice feeling.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

*I'd just go with a white lie.* Nobody gets excessively hurt and she'll never find out. I'd tell her I've been seeing my ex again lately and that I still have feelings for her. Or that I met someone else and I appear to be clicking with that person.



DonnaDunno said:


> As an ugly girl I would much rather take the emotional pain of the truth and *knowing where someone stands so I can tell them where I stand* then to play act some "Manners" charade that gives the guy kicking me to the curb the silent upper hand.


So you can tell them where you stand? what does that mean?

And who gives a f**k about the upper hand.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

Did you tell her she was pretty after you saw these pictures? Are you leading her on? You should just tell her straight up, she can handle it.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> I don't think I'm as ignorant about relationships as you assume that I am, or are just hoping that I am, so if you're getting any satisfaction from telling off a "superficial f**ktard" then sorry to tell you it's an unwarranted satisfaction. I don't sacrifice other priorities for looks, and I don't regard looks as my top priority. Given the choice between a guy you're compatible with and attracted to and a guy you're compatible with but not attracted to, which one would you choose? Does it upset you that I have the luxury of this choice? Because *you sound bitter as hell*. I wouldn't be doing this girl any favors by starting a relationship with her that lacks any physical attraction.


Damn.
You tell 'em. Lol


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## Mussolini (Jun 5, 2013)

asc said:


> OP,
> I don't think you're being shallow at all here..


lol what? He lost interest in her based on just a few pics when every thing was gravy before. That's the _definition_ of shallowness.

I know this is a support site, but that doesn't mean you should do so blindly. Telling people they're not being shallow when they are is NOT supportive.

The guy needs to hear the truth.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Mussolini said:


> Seems a bit shallow on your part, but oh well...


Define shallow.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

Looks play a major role in dating. I'm sure that's why I really don't have a chance at all. 
So if you aren't attracted to her, you really can't force yourself into something where you just don't feel it, so to speak. So ya, your best bet is to probably make up some lame excuse and be on your way.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

Mussolini said:


> Seems a bit shallow on your part, but oh well...


How the **** is that shallow?? If he's not attracted to her then he shouldn't make himself try to be. There's *nothing* shallow about that. It's not like everybody just looks for a nice personality, we need some good looking people too. I find it hard to believe that people find taking people's looks into considerations, shallow. That's not being shallow, that's being honest.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Mussolini said:


> lol what? He lost interest in her based on just a few pics when every thing was gravy before. That's the _definition_ of shallowness.
> 
> I know this is a support site, but that doesn't mean you should do so blindly. Telling people they're not being shallow when they are is NOT supportive.
> 
> The guy needs to hear the truth.


Shallow would be:

1. If Looks were my ONLY priority. Which they are not, many times have I left the hot girl that I didn't like for the less hot girl that I actually liked.

2. Sacrificing other preferences for looks, I've never gotten with a girl purely because she's hot and had nothing else to offer.

My question for you: You have one girl you're compatible with but attracted to and another girl you're compatible but NOT attracted to. Which one do you choose?

Do you think this girl would prefer to be in a relationship where she doesn't feel physically attractive to her partner? No, I wouldn't do that to a girl, that would be a little mean.

You don't know my dating history or intentions while dating so all you can do is make speculations, but instead you decided to make a judgment. Which is on par with typical ignorant message board behavior.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Just be honest


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## asc (Nov 8, 2011)

Mussolini said:


> lol what? He lost interest in her based on just a few pics when every thing was gravy before. That's the _definition_ of shallowness.
> 
> I know this is a support site, but that doesn't mean you should do so blindly. Telling people they're not being shallow when they are is NOT supportive.
> 
> The guy needs to hear the truth.


I don't think the OP made the post for people to tell him whether or not he was being shallow. He was looking for *support* and *opinions* on how to handle his situation.

Your idea about him "being shallow" is an *opinion*.


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## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

I totally get where you're coming from. About a year ago I met someone online and she had only posted photos of her from 4 - 5 years ago which I found out later. Met her in real life and she was very overweight. I couldn't get over being so misled and so it didn't even matter that she might be a pleasant person to get to know. I don't know why people do this, it's not as if you can keep up that charade if you intend on actually meeting someone. 

Don't think it's shallow. Dating sites aren't for making casual friends, they're for meeting potential romantic partners and physical attractiveness is a big part of that.


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## Serephina (Apr 13, 2010)

I don't believe Crimeclub is being shallow by admitting he was no longer interested when he saw more photos of this girl. Firstly, someone can look like a completely different person from one photo to another. This has nothing to do with whether or not they are good looking but is more to do with what the observer is 'reading' in their face in the way of personality/character and whether or not they are attracted to that. Secondly, we all know that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. The rest of us may think the girl Crimeclub is talking about is really hot ...... he doesn't think she is!

@Crimeclub: I wouldn't go overboard trying to be nice to her and trying to spare her feelings. You need to make it clear that this is the end of things, otherwise she may come back to you at a later date and say hi! we seemed to get along fine, have you changed your mind about that date?


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Serephina said:


> I don't believe Crimeclub is being shallow by admitting he was no longer interested when he saw more photos of this girl. Firstly, someone can look like a completely different person from one photo to another. This has nothing to do with whether or not they are good looking but is more to do with what the observer is 'reading' in their face in the way of personality/character and whether or not they are attracted to that. Secondly, we all know that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. The rest of us may think the girl Crimeclub is talking about is really hot ...... he doesn't think she is!
> 
> @Crimeclub: I wouldn't go overboard trying to be nice to her and trying to spare her feelings. You need to make it clear that this is the end of things, otherwise she may come back to you at a later date and say hi! we seemed to get along fine, have you changed your mind about that date?


Thanks for the insight Serephina! I agree. And I really do appreciate this comment, in fact, I went out with a different girl last week, but I've decided that I'm not all that interested anymore (just not my type personality-wise, too outgoing, I like the shy girls... :mushy) and she texted me yesterday asking to go out again, I've been putting off texting her the last day but reading your comment pushed me to finally tell her that I'm just looking for friendship (I figured that was a more tactful thing to say rather than "I'm not interested, sorry."


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

This is why I would never use a dating site. The guy I was REALLY attracted to last term was not physically attractive in a conventional way at all, and when I first got to know him, I thought I'd only hook up with him if I was drunk. Once I got to know him better personally, though, I realized I found his personality incredibly attractive and that in turn made me physically attracted to him as well. Sadly, I don't even think he is interested anymore.
99% of the time, online dating never goes anywhere because of scenarios like this. People are forced to judge by physical appearances because there's no way of really getting to know someone's personality over the Internet (trust me, I would know this). People also get excluded because of their race/height/weight/skin or hair or eye colour, and when you do end up finding someone you're physically attracted to, it usually doesn't work out because of other reasons, reasons which may not have been an issue if you had met someone you weren't initially attracted to physically in person.
Online dating just seems like an all around waste.


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## purechaos (Dec 18, 2013)

I'm gonna offer a slightly different perspective. People spout off about looks and personality all too often. Chemistry is a crazy thing, its about energy that really isn't determined by looks or personality alone. To me chemistry is unexplainable. You can have dinner with a girl that you perceive as drop dead gorgeous but....you'll get that flat feeling like nothing is there, and it isn't because one or the other is boring, its because the energy between you isn't there . 

I don't know what you are looking for, but if you are looking for that chemistry you are really screwing yourself by not going out on at least one date. You could have an amazing connection if you quit limiting yourself. If you're still not feeling it then you can just say that the chemistry was not there. If you're looking for something casual then don't waste hers or your time.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

purechaos said:


> I'm gonna offer a slightly different perspective. People spout off about looks and personality all too often. Chemistry is a crazy thing, its about energy that really isn't determined by looks or personality alone. To me chemistry is unexplainable. You can have dinner with a girl that you perceive as drop dead gorgeous but....you'll get that flat feeling like nothing is there, and it isn't because one or the other is boring, its because the energy between you isn't there .
> 
> I don't know what you are looking for, but if you are looking for that chemistry you are really screwing yourself by not going out on at least one date. You could have an amazing connection if you quit limiting yourself. If you're still not feeling it then you can just say that the chemistry was not there. If you're looking for something casual then don't waste hers or your time.


^THIS


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

This wasn't a situation where she was a 7 and I'm wanting an 8, I'm not that superficial, I was just flat out not attracted to this girl, and being somewhat attracted to your partner is important. I agree about the chemistry part for sure but that's one of many factors that are important to a relationship. I know that when theres a guy talking about his lack of attraction to a girl it's easy to assume that he's being superficial or that he just doesn't understand the complexities of how relationships work, but I actually have a pretty good grasp on it. The fact is there are a LOT of girls in my town that I can have chemistry with that also match other parts of my personal criteria.


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## purechaos (Dec 18, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> This wasn't a situation where she was a 7 and I'm wanting an 8, I'm not that superficial, I was just flat out not attracted to this girl, and being somewhat attracted to your partner is important. I agree about the chemistry part for sure but that's one of many factors that are important to a relationship. I know that when theres a guy talking about his lack of attraction to a girl it's easy to assume that he's being superficial or that he just doesn't understand the complexities of how relationships work, but I actually have a pretty good grasp on it. The fact is there are a LOT of girls in my town that I can have chemistry with that also match other parts of my personal criteria.


 No, I get what you are saying but what I'm saying is, currently you are unattracted to a photo on a wall....a digital persona. Not sure how your texting is going or if you've even made a phone call but even that lacks eye contact, body language, the smell of her hair, eye contact, eye contact, the trading of energy....you might be surprised

Anyway good luck....with whatever you decide...


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

crimeclub said:


> This wasn't a situation where she was a 7 and I'm wanting an 8, I'm not that superficial, I was just flat out not attracted to this girl, and being somewhat attracted to your partner is important. I agree about the chemistry part for sure but that's one of many factors that are important to a relationship. I know that when theres a guy talking about his lack of attraction to a girl it's easy to assume that he's being superficial or that he just doesn't understand the complexities of how relationships work, but I actually have a pretty good grasp on it. The fact is there are a LOT of girls in my town that I can have chemistry with that also match other parts of my personal criteria.


My point was that you can't truly know whether or not you are flat out not attracted to someone until you get to know them in person. I think it's actually impossible. Like I said, I never would have felt attracted to the guy I fell for last semester if I'd only seen his picture online because he is not conventionally good looking. He even sent me a joke text when we first exchanged numbers: "I'm the handsome tall guy who's good at math" which I laughed off and didn't take seriously at all. 
I only realized I was attracted to him AFTER I got to know him a bit better, and then he instantly became the hottest thing ever to me, moreso than even the most conventional good looking guys out there. I unfortunately fell too hard too fast, and it was really bad timing for us (right in the middle of finals), so that didn't work out - but I learned a really valuable lesson from the experience which is also a cliche: Don't judge a book by its cover. It sounds stupid, but it's actually very true.
But, who knows - maybe this is only really applicable to females, as guys tend to be valued for their personalities way more.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I appreciate the input, honestly. It's some food for thought that I'll keep in mind.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

No one wants to hear they are unattractive. Just disappear without contacting her. It's her fault for posting a misleading pic anyway.


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

Just tell her you aren't attracted, simple.

Text her "Hey, you're not who I thought you were, but I wish you the best, goodbye" don't make it harder than it is, you're just texting a girl u never met, man up and do not freaking string her along just to say it to her face that is cruel ish.

Despite what guys say on here she can have a killer persona but if her face makes you say "if only..." Let it go. No amount of chemistry can makeup for lack of physical attraction (exact reason why girls friend zone the 'not attracted to but has an awesome persona that will be right for some girl but not me, in the meantime I will keep u as my friend because you're so freaking awesome) guy)


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

crimeclub said:


> This wasn't a situation where she was a 7 and I'm wanting an 8, I'm not that superficial, I was just flat out not attracted to this girl, and being somewhat attracted to your partner is important. I agree about the chemistry part for sure but that's one of many factors that are important to a relationship. I know that when theres a guy talking about his lack of attraction to a girl it's easy to assume that he's being superficial or that he just doesn't understand the complexities of how relationships work, but I actually have a pretty good grasp on it. The fact is there are a LOT of girls in my town that I can have chemistry with that also match other parts of my personal criteria.


I really don't think you should have to explain yourself here. Those of us who are in touch with *reality* can appreciate the situation you were in. (And the "friendship" line you gave her was probably for the best, all around.)

Those people in here who were going on about "shallowness" and "lack of relationship experience" need a reality check.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

@cinnamonqueen and Just Lurking, you've obviously never fallen for someone based on their personality, otherwise you'd know that it makes them seem more physically attractive at the same time (and conversely, a horrible personality will make an otherwise attractive/average person seem ugly). I thought this guy I didn't find attractive at all when I first met him was the hottest guy ever once I actually got to know him.



cinnamonqueen said:


> No amount of chemistry can makeup for lack of physical attraction (exact reason why girls friend zone the 'not attracted to but has an awesome persona that will be right for some girl but not me, in the meantime I will keep u as my friend because you're so freaking awesome) guy)


That's not true in the slightest.


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

@earl I have fallen for a guy I wasn't physically attracted to but had amazing personality, so don't assume hun


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

So for the women who feel for a guy who's not physically attractive, doesn't that stuff die down eventually? Isn't that the kind of relationship that you kind of get tired of?

I don't mean to be negative, but I have a hard time believing anyone can really like someone they're not attracted to for a long time.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Jesuszilla said:


> So for the women who feel for a guy who's not physically attractive, doesn't that stuff die down eventually? Isn't that the kind of relationship that you kind of get tired of?
> 
> I don't mean to be negative, but I have a hard time believing anyone can really like someone they're not attracted to for a long time.


More like the contrary in my opinion. Handsomeness is part of the marketing strategy that lures the girls in to buy the product - but if the product's effectiveness is crap they're quickly going to ask for a refund. On the other hand, a lesser advertized product which still does the job perfectly will be a keeper. Nonetheless, since the latter is poorly known, girls will act suspicious towards it when first glancing at it in the store. :yes

A generalization, of course!



Earl of Lemongrab said:


> My point was that you can't truly know whether or not you are flat out not attracted to someone until you get to know them in person.
> 
> *But, who knows - maybe this is only really applicable to females, as guys tend to be valued for their personalities way more.*


Pretty much. We're generally more skilled at rating looks objectively without letting other factors influencing our judgement.

Often, a below-average guy in the looks department will become sexy in the eyes of a girl because of his charisma (or other factors). On the other hand, when a girl is ugly... well, she's ugly. Her personality can do very little to change that fact - which is not to say that personality is irrelevant when considering female companions.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Mr Bacon said:


> Often, a below-average guy in the looks department will become sexy in the eyes of a girl because of his charisma (or other factors). On the other hand, when a girl is ugly... well, she's ugly. Her personality can do very little to change that fact - which is not to say that personality is irrelevant when considering female companions.


..and this may be why online dating is ill-suited to females, save for the ones who are extremely shallow/only interested in hooking up rather than any kind of long-term relationship. This in turn makes online dating equally ill-suited to guys who are only interested in pursuing a relationship with a girl who isn't completely shallow. It's a lose-lose situation, IMO.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> ..and this may be why online dating is ill-suited to females, save for the ones who are extremely shallow/only interested in hooking up rather than any kind of long-term relationship. This in turn makes online dating equally ill-suited to guys who are only interested in pursuing a relationship with a girl who isn't completely shallow. It's a lose-lose situation, IMO.


If I remember my stats correctly, about a third of married couples in the US since ~2005 met through online dating. So that's not an option I'd throw in the garbage so fast, especially since online dating will gradually become more trendy as the years go by.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*OP*

I dont think your shallow and agree you need to end things ASAP.
She should have posted 3 pictures of herself so that you could really see how she looked, dating is based on attraction 1st after all.

If you cant tel her "you should have posted 3 pictures as recommended" then say you are seeing you ex again or your moving to Portugal for work.

That way, shell be able to figure out its a lie, but not prove it, and it might do her the most good in the long run.

just the opinion of a girl who gets rejected, sometimes


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