# Online Dating is Annoying



## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Guys message me first. I respond, and then they ignore me. Why??? It's always the guys with the best conversational skills too... For example, the ones who ask, "Hey how are you?" Do they really expect me to put more effort into a response to something as thoughtless as that? You put minimal effort in, so do I. Then I get ignored :haha Why did I download these stupid apps again?

Also, I match with someone and message them, and they don't respond even though I think of something more meaningful to say in my message. What do guys want??? Lol

So I've kinda turned this into my own personal "venting about online dating" thread. Feel free to contribute. I'd love to hear about everyone's crazy experiences lol


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

waterfairy said:


> Why did I download these stupid apps again?


Hope for hope.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think the ones that send those types of messages are sending the same message to hundreds of women. Just looking to stick their weiner into anything that moves.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

waterfairy said:


> Also, I match with someone and message them, and they don't respond even though I think of something more meaningful to say in my message. What do guys want??? Lol


 This is how online dating is for guys. I never get an initial message sent to me, and I have to message 10-20 people before one of them will respond, and most of the time the response is a rejection. I'd rather have a rejection response than no response though.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

@komorikun You're probably right. They might just be waiting for that one girl who is gonna start talking dirty to them lol
@Haunty Yeah online dating is particularly rough for guys  Idk how you guys deal with all that rejection. That's why I rarely message first, and when I do, we're a match lol And they still don't respond... *sigh*


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

they want pictures where girls are showing the most skin as possible, that's what they want


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

100% what Komorikun said. They send the same messages to dozens of people and she who responds the best, wins. (Although, I will never figure out why anybody would be interested in somebody like that).

I think online dating only works for those people who don't even need online dating.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

@Loser13 Because I feel like guys lose interest so quickly haha
@MobiusX Guess I shouldn't post anymore pics of me in my nun outfit 
@Evo1114 Yeah I won't be responding to any more "hey" or "how are you" messages anymore because this happens literally every time lol


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## firewatch93 (May 7, 2017)

What would you want a guy to say? Hey I saw your profile and we're a perfect match so lets be together.


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## firewatch93 (May 7, 2017)

Your post got deleted. So IDK what you said back.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Evo1114 said:


> I think online dating only works for those people who don't even need online dating.


You are correct. That is why I stopped trying it out.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@*waterfairy*

I can imagine Zsa Zsa Gabor saying "It's simple darling" in answer to "Hey how are you".

Then saying boom, boom if answers with ???????????????

:lol


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

You forgot your make up.


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## Jeff271 (Sep 7, 2006)

How does the program decide who you should be matched with?


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

@ANX1 :haha
@Jeff271 You decide if you like someone based on their profile (well, actually most guys go just by pics and ignore your profile) and if you like them back, you're a match.


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## QueSera (Jun 15, 2017)

Online dating seems like a sucky way to find a connection if you have anxiety, all that rejection or quick fading of intense interest can leave you feeling like you were almost perfect and somehow you messed it up. It's crazy. Like I'm really one to talk because I found my fiance of 2 years on a quasi dating site but seriously, during those initial months of talking I was a insecure mess and do you know how exhausting it is to appear sane?? I'm beginning to feel like you should never go out looking for a relationship, it should just happen naturally, like in places like this, because paradise is troubled right now. All we ever do is fight about who doesn't love each other! Aye mama.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I think the ones that send those types of messages are sending the same message to hundreds of women. Just looking to stick their weiner into anything that moves.


No - the problem is that only 5% of women respond. It takes too much time to write thoughtful messages with a response rate like that. So they just send quick messages to all women and then weed through the ones who respond.


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## Digestive (Jul 15, 2016)

Its sometimes the case where they download the app a while back and after a while without anyone messaging or responding to them, they become mostly inactive and hardly ever check the app. You never know though, sometimes the people who arent great at starting conversations can become the best to invest yourself with.

In any case, its just game. Online dating nowadays mostly just correlates with casual sex, thats not to say its impossible yet most lasting relationships are found from mutual relationships.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@waterfairy

 :grin2:


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

scarpia said:


> komorikun said:
> 
> 
> > I think the ones that send those types of messages are sending the same message to hundreds of women. Just looking to stick their weiner into anything that moves.
> ...


Yeah, it's similar on Tinder where some guys report they don't even look at the women at all, but just 'swipe right' on everyone and then "sort them out later".

Supply and demand.

They are their own worst enemy.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

waterfairy said:


> @*komorikun* You're probably right. They might just be waiting for that one girl who is gonna start talking dirty to them lol
> 
> @*Haunty* Yeah online dating is particularly rough for guys  Idk how you guys deal with all that rejection. That's why I rarely message first, and when I do, we're a match lol And they still don't respond... *sigh*


It wouldn't surprise me if the success rate for online dating is around 3-5%. If that's the case, imagine how many witty messages a guy has to write in order to get an answer. In a woman's case, she has to sort through the hundreds of messages daily to find a good one.

The point is that online dating is no less random than finding the person of your dreams, say within a crowded shopping mall or sports stadium.

In my case, out of the dozens and dozens of women I'd have to message, you tend to forget who they are at some point. And it's likely that even the one that you feel is most compatible with you, and has everything you want, she probably doesn't even know you messaged her because that unread message has gotten lost and buried in the pile of new messages she gets every single day.


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## TheSomebody (Jun 16, 2017)

Been there,done that so I 100% feel you on this. I used OkCupid for a while and would only reply to messages sent to me that had something to do with what I wrote on my profile, since I A: wouldn't waste time on guys sending out mass "Hey how are you" messages and B:to know they actually looked at my profile


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

Online dating to me is like finding a job. Every time I read a girl profile I feel I'm not qualified to be with her.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Thanks for your responses guys. I guess you just can't take online dating seriously. 

I was talking to this one guy for awhile and I told him I'd only give him my number if he proved he was real by sending me a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it (I dont have social media). He said thats insane, rude, he wouldn't even do that for a gf, I'm treating him like a dog, etc. Even though I said I'd do it for him too. Was that a bit overdramatic of him?? I mean I'm not gonna go out with someone I met on the Internet if I dont know for a fact that they aren't catfishing me. Come on. I told him it was nice talking to him and to take care lol I guess I should tell these guys this from the beginning so they stop wasting my time.


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## firewatch93 (May 7, 2017)

waterfairy said:


> Thanks for your responses guys. I guess you just can't take online dating seriously.
> 
> I was talking to this one guy for awhile and I told him I'd only give him my number if he proved he was real by sending me a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it (I dont have social media). He said thats insane, rude, he wouldn't even do that for a gf, I'm treating him like a dog, etc. Even though I said I'd do it for him too. Was that a bit overdramatic of him?? I mean I'm not gonna go out with someone I met on the Internet if I dont know for a fact that they aren't catfishing me. Come on. I told him it was nice talking to him and to take care lol I guess I should tell these guys this from the beginning so they stop wasting my time.


Try Fetlife.com


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

firewatch93 said:


> Try Fetlife.com


The Social Network For Fetishists?

Good luck with that. :lol


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

waterfairy said:


> Thanks for your responses guys. I guess you just can't take online dating seriously.
> 
> I was talking to this one guy for awhile and I told him I'd only give him my number if he proved he was real by sending me a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it (I dont have social media). He said thats insane, rude, he wouldn't even do that for a gf, I'm treating him like a dog, etc. Even though I said I'd do it for him too. Was that a bit overdramatic of him?? I mean I'm not gonna go out with someone I met on the Internet if I dont know for a fact that they aren't catfishing me. Come on. I told him it was nice talking to him and to take care lol I guess I should tell these guys this from the beginning so they stop wasting my time.


Yeah his reaction was definitely over the top.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

waterfairy said:


> Thanks for your responses guys. I guess you just can't take online dating seriously.
> 
> I was talking to this one guy for awhile and I told him I'd only give him my number if he proved he was real by sending me a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it (I dont have social media). He said thats insane, rude, he wouldn't even do that for a gf, I'm treating him like a dog, etc. Even though I said I'd do it for him too. Was that a bit overdramatic of him?? I mean I'm not gonna go out with someone I met on the Internet if I dont know for a fact that they aren't catfishing me. Come on. I told him it was nice talking to him and to take care lol I guess I should tell these guys this from the beginning so they stop wasting my time.


Definitely not as easygoing guy at all. Wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him, sheesh.


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

waterfairy said:


> Thanks for your responses guys. I guess you just can't take online dating seriously.
> 
> I was talking to this one guy for awhile and I told him I'd only give him my number if he proved he was real by sending me a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it (I dont have social media). He said thats insane, rude, he wouldn't even do that for a gf, I'm treating him like a dog, etc. Even though I said I'd do it for him too. Was that a bit overdramatic of him?? I mean I'm not gonna go out with someone I met on the Internet if I dont know for a fact that they aren't catfishing me. Come on. I told him it was nice talking to him and to take care lol I guess I should tell these guys this from the beginning so they stop wasting my time.


That's very suspicious, but honestly if you're going to date online you need to get social media, if only for safety. There's no way in hell I'd meet a guy from an online dating site unless I had his real identity (confirmed at least through facebook) and let someone in my life know who he is with pictures of him (so they know where to look for me if I don't come back).


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## DustyShinigami (Jun 18, 2017)

Hate online dating. You either have to pay just to send messages, the subscription prices are ridiculous, you get contacted by bots, and no one ever responds to messages I send. Scrapped them all.


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## foreigngirl (Jun 25, 2017)

online dating sucks because there are onlu guys who wants a casual 'thing'


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Most likely they're just on an auto-pilot sending the same message to 100+ women. That place can get pretty messy, one out of 100 women can get lucky if the same guy replies back. People on dating sites can't really concentrate well, there's always someone new or someone more alluring to steal them away from you. I got fed up with all that chat on there, I'm not someone's fast food cashier, I like it slow.


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## 870945 (Jun 23, 2017)

I think it's kinda weird beginning a conversation with someone without somehow introducing yourself and properly starting it. Especially when you have literally Nothing to go after sometimes with some people. They write nothing at all on their profiles and we're sitting there like: "Now what the hell should I make of this...?".

I'm not blaming anyone specific. Both guys and girls are this way. Just find it ****ty and counterproductive if i'm using that word correctly here.

Now that I think of it, i've not often introduced myself as the a conversation starter. Not sure it would make a difference but still. Damn, why didn't it think of that!


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

The Lone Mario said:


> I think it's kinda weird beginning a conversation with someone without somehow introducing yourself and properly starting it. Especially when you have literally Nothing to go after sometimes with some people. They write nothing at all on their profiles and we're sitting there like: "Now what the hell should I make of this...?".
> 
> I'm not blaming anyone specific. Both guys and girls are this way. Just find it ****ty and counterproductive if i'm using that word correctly here.
> 
> Now that I think of it, i've not often introduced myself as the a conversation starter. Not sure it would make a difference but still. Damn, why didn't it think of that!


I once matched with someone who had nothing on his profile and even said "I'd think of something more clever to say, but your profile doesn't give me much to work with." No response lol Honestly though, it's a turn off when people don't write anything on their profile. If they can't even put any effort into something so simple, why would they put effort into a relationship? I don't think you have to write a novel, but just a couple little things that can start a conversation.

Yeah simply introduce yourself. Or be like, "You like video games (or whatever the person mentioned in their profile)? Me too." Literally, that's all I'm asking for lol


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

I think sometimes the empty profiles are people trying to spy on friends or exes


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

In the past I've had a few creepy ones that didn't have a photo in their profile send me a message. They said it was due to privacy reasons and that they'd email me a photo. I'm sure they were just cheating on their girlfriend or wife.


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## 870945 (Jun 23, 2017)

komorikun said:


> In the past I've had a few creepy ones that didn't have a photo in their profile send me a message. They said it was due to privacy reasons and that they'd email me a photo. I'm sure they were just cheating on their girlfriend or wife.


Red flags on those ones. Expect either dick pics, a 50+ old man or both. Could be cheating too. Why not all three? Haha


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## 870945 (Jun 23, 2017)

waterfairy said:


> I once matched with someone who had nothing on his profile and even said "I'd think of something more clever to say, but your profile doesn't give me much to work with." No response lol Honestly though, it's a turn off when people don't write anything on their profile. If they can't even put any effort into something so simple, why would they put effort into a relationship? I don't think you have to write a novel, but just a couple little things that can start a conversation.
> 
> Yeah simply introduce yourself. Or be like, "You like video games (or whatever the person mentioned in their profile)? Me too." Literally, that's all I'm asking for lol


They live in a world there everyone else have to make the hard work, or really any work for them, with Everything. They just don't give a crap about dedicating with something.

It could be a problem of self esteem and constantly negative thinking about themselves because of lack of interaction after written a long text and no one been interested. I've been there. I'm still there a little but not anywhere close as before or these ones we're talking about. Probably a good idea they show other people who they really are, easy to read (get it?). You wouldn't be looking for a guy(or girl) with really bad self image, I know I wouldn't. A certain amount is fine but not past that line


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

The Lone Mario said:


> They live in a world there everyone else have to make the hard work, or really any work for them, with Everything. They just don't give a crap about dedicating with something.
> 
> It could be a problem of self esteem and constantly negative thinking about themselves because of lack of interaction after written a long text and no one been interested. I've been there. I'm still there a little but not anywhere close as before or these ones we're talking about. Probably a good idea they show other people who they really are, easy to read (get it?). You wouldn't be looking for a guy(or girl) with really bad self image, I know I wouldn't. A certain amount is fine but not past that line


I think it's a mixture of both. Some guys just dont wan't to put the effort in, and others are getting tired of shot down. The funny thing is, they'd be much more likely to get a response if they put just a little thought into a message.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

So one guy stopped texting me out of nowhere. We were supposed to go out one weekend and I hadn't heard from him, so I texted him the day we had plans and asked if he lost interest. No response. Just seeing his stupid conceited looking face on the app makes me wanna punch him lol and he isn't even that cute. Who does he think he is??

I woke up to 2 messages today from one guy. One said "nice to meet you" and the other said "f u then." He didn't even give me a chance to read his first message. Talk about impatient and entitled lol

I guess this has turned into a thread where I vent about all my online dating mishaps lol feel free to post yours, guys xD


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## 870945 (Jun 23, 2017)

waterfairy said:


> I think it's a mixture of both. Some guys just dont wan't to put the effort in, and others are getting tired of shot down. The funny thing is, they'd be much more likely to get a response if they put just a little thought into a message.


It's a mixture of those two and probably even more. Too many different types of people out there. Could be possible that every single one doing that is completely different in why and how they do it. Christ, we humans are truly indecisive and original.

Personally, I can't help but feel bad for them and at the same time be annoyed. They don't know any better than that


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

komorikun said:


> In the past I've had a few creepy ones that didn't have a photo in their profile send me a message. They said it was due to privacy reasons and that they'd email me a photo. I'm sure they were just cheating on their girlfriend or wife.


Not necessarily - I used to do that because I hate having my pic out there.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

komorikun said:


> In the past I've had a few creepy ones that didn't have a photo in their profile send me a message. They said it was due to privacy reasons and that they'd email me a photo. I'm sure they were just cheating on their girlfriend or wife.


Or it could be a creepy 70 year old perv posing as a young dude lol That's why I never respond to people who don't have a picture of themselves and make sure that they verify who they are.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Well idk what to think of this. Started talking to this hot buff dude and he's... something else. He isn't great at keeping a conversation. He keeps talking about my "booty" even when I suggest that he shouldn't. He's asked me three times to come over to his place when I keep telling him that I need to meet in a public setting first. I asked him if he wanted to meet up Saturday... no response yet. His pof account AND his instagram have been deleted all of a sudden. Sounds like a catfish right?? The thing is, I had him verify he was real by taking a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it. Doesn't look photoshopped at all. Are hot guys the dumbest/weirdest ones? That's how it seems based on my experience.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

waterfairy said:


> Well idk what to think of this. Started talking to this hot buff dude and he's... something else. He isn't great at keeping a conversation. He keeps talking about my "booty" even when I suggest that he shouldn't. He's asked me three times to come over to his place when I keep telling him that I need to meet in a public setting first. I asked him if he wanted to meet up Saturday... no response yet. His pof account AND his instagram have been deleted all of a sudden. Sounds like a catfish right?? The thing is, I had him verify he was real by taking a pic of him holding a piece of paper with the date on it. Doesn't look photoshopped at all. Are hot guys the dumbest/weirdest ones? That's how it seems based on my experience.


Best to do the tug of war and if you want to risk yourself with someone then go ahead. I didn't think twice when I was there, I always fell in anyone's trap. That's right, they all want your booty at their place when they feels it's convenient.

When you offer when it's convenient for you they ignore you. Yes, the hottest ones I got were charming sociopaths/psychopaths, they don't need to work hard at all, cuz I was always dumb enough to do all the work. Meeting in public is always best cuz if you meet at his place all he gonna do is sexual stuff is he mentions booty.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

SwtSurrender said:


> Best to do the tug of war and if you want to risk yourself with someone then go ahead. I didn't think twice when I was there, I always fell in anyone's trap. That's right, they all want your booty at their place when they feels it's convenient.
> 
> When you offer when it's convenient for you they ignore you. Yes, the hottest ones I got were charming sociopaths/psychopaths, they don't need to work hard at all, cuz I was always dumb enough to do all the work. Meeting in public is always best cuz if you meet at his place all he gonna do is sexual stuff is he mentions booty.


There's no way in hell I'm gonna meet him at his house. He's crazy to even think that :lol I keep asking why he wants me over so bad if he doesn't want sex. This guy is 32 years old yet he's more immature than me lol

I think that the hot ones are used to the girls doing the chasing and getting what they want. The hottest guys I've met are the biggest dicks and seem to be very entitled.


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

waterfairy said:


> His pof account AND his instagram have been deleted all of a sudden.


He's married


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Witchblade said:


> He's married


He keeps inviting me over to his place though.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

waterfairy said:


> He keeps inviting me over to his place though.


Just sounds like a lazy pervert. Too lazy to meet you at a bar or restaurant. Doesn't want to put any money, time, or effort into it.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

komorikun said:


> Just sounds like a lazy pervert. Too lazy to meet you at a bar or restaurant. Doesn't want to put any money, time, or effort into it.


Yeah that's what it sounds like to me too, but I'm in denial I guess lol


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

waterfairy said:


> There's no way in hell I'm gonna meet him at his house. He's crazy to even think that :lol I keep asking why he wants me over so bad if he doesn't want sex. This guy is 32 years old yet he's more immature than me lol
> 
> I think that the hot ones are used to the girls doing the chasing and getting what they want. The hottest guys I've met are the biggest dicks and seem to be very entitled.


He sounds like a goddamn idiot. Run away from him. Seriously, run. :lol :haha


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> He sounds like a goddamn idiot. Run away from him. Seriously, run. :lol :haha


Right? But I'm as stupid as he is so I'll probably jump right into the fire :haha


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

waterfairy said:


> Right? But I'm as stupid as he is so I'll probably jump right into the fire :haha


Aww! You are not stupid! Poor thing.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Aww! You are not stupid! Poor thing.


I am when it comes to guys lol I don't have the best track record :blush


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## ShadowOne (Jun 27, 2016)

Takes patience, and even though opportunities are usually less for guys, the ones that are there are usually quality. If I was more attractive/assertive/interesting I probably wouldve had 1 or 2 relationships from it. I'd say half of the time stuff flakes out in messaging, but the handful of people i've met have all been normal/interesting. Only had one that went pretty poorly, but that was mostly on me..she was wayyy too mature haha


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

ShadowOne said:


> Takes patience, and even though opportunities are usually less for guys, the ones that are there are usually quality. If I was more attractive/assertive/interesting I probably wouldve had 1 or 2 relationships from it. I'd say half of the time stuff flakes out in messaging, but the handful of people i've met have all been normal/interesting. Only had one that went pretty poorly, but that was mostly on me..she was wayyy too mature haha


There are some cool people on there. They're hard to find sometimes though lol


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Great conversation starter


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

waterfairy said:


> Great conversation starter


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

Any hope ?


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

Stick to your guns waterfairy. Exercising prudence by verification of a real photo and meeting in a public place are all good steps. I have never used a dating app before; however, I can see how there would be a lot of creeps just wanting to get laid. Have you ever thought about meetup.com? I went out with a whole bunch of people, and holy **** the girls were constantly approaching me. But not in a dirty way. The meeting I went to was titled "extremely shy and looking for friends". The girls were super supportive and asked if I had mental health issues, but I kind of brushed it off saying I am simply shy. They were really supportive and caring. If I had the confidence I have now back then, I easily could have gotten a lot of numbers! Hang in there, you'll find the right guy!:wink2:


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

@Overdrive Yeah I guess I do have some hope. It just seems like it's so hard to meet people irl nowadays which sucks because I want an old fashioned love story lol
@rockyraccoon I definitely will  You gotta protect yourself, and you can't let these people make you do something you're not comfortable with. Naturally though, I'm afraid of being assertive, but I do my best and haven't given in!

I've never tried meetup.com actually. Is it used as a dating site or is it more for friends? I might check it out. Sounds like you had a good experience  Might also have to do with your area though. There are some ratchet people were I live, so I think that's another part of my problem.

Thanks for the encouragement!


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

waterfairy said:


> @*Overdrive* Yeah I guess I do have some hope. It just seems like it's so hard to meet people irl nowadays which sucks because I want an old fashioned love story lol
> 
> @*rockyraccoon* I definitely will  You gotta protect yourself, and you can't let these people make you do something you're not comfortable with. Naturally though, I'm afraid of being assertive, but I do my best and haven't given in!
> 
> ...


I guess technically it is not a dating site, however, it is and excellent place for meeting people. Real people you can talk to in person. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people have dated through meetup.com meetings. Google it waterfairy; you might find it useful! They have everything from dancing, to pub crawls, frisbee, volleyball, hiking, you name it.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

rockyraccoon said:


> I guess technically it is not a dating site, however, it is and excellent place for meeting people. Real people you can talk to in person. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people have dated through meetup.com meetings. Google it waterfairy; you might find it useful! They have everything from dancing, to pub crawls, frisbee, volleyball, hiking, you name it.


I'll be sure to check it out. Thank you for the suggestion!


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

waterfairy said:


> I want an old fashioned love story lol


May the force be with you.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Online dating sucks


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I'm more of an okcupid proponent because at least then the matches are calculated by similar question (mostly relevant) answers. And there's the option to post as elaborate of a profile as you'd like. Most of the apps now seem like they just offer something similar to speed-dating. Look, swipe, swipe, swipe, LIKE, swipe, swipe, LIKE, etc. How is that meeting someone you like on anything other than a 100% superficial level.

As for people not writing back, that works both ways. And I'd venture to say it's worse for guys because there are ten times as many of us looking at/for you, all vying for your attention. I can't tell you how many long, thoughtful messages I've composed and never received a response to. I may be damaged but I'm also not a total prick, so I'd hope it all works itself out in the wash. But it doesn't. 

Online dating has worked for me (if you can call actually meeting up working) for awhile now. So much so that I'm not even sure how to meet people any other way. But it's certainly evolved over the years. In a very bad way.


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

path0gen said:


> Online dating has worked for me (if you can call actually meeting up working) for awhile now. So much so that I'm not even sure how to meet people any other way. But it's certainly evolved over the years. In a very bad way.


It's like applying for a job. You can go on indeed and spam resumes, and that's probably going to get you a few interviews, and it's hard to know any other way to even find out about job offers. You could randomly walk up to businesses and apply in person, but odds are they're not hiring and even if they are they don't want this random person walking up. The key to the job search is networking! And, it's exactly the same in dating, the way to find someone is to build up your friendships and social network.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

You might not believe this but I'm really not that social of an individual.  

But yeah, friendships and social networks. Screw it. The only time I seem to find someone decent is when I'm NOT actively trying to find someone. Which sucks because I'm very aware that I don't do very well alone and have a lot to offer someone. Everyone's just too damn picky. Including myself.


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## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

path0gen said:


> You might not believe this but I'm really not that social of an individual.


Well, women really, *really *don't like that. If you like dating, then you obviously like having people around, so why not try to have people around that you're not dating?


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Witchblade said:


> Well, women really, *really *don't like that. If you like dating, then you obviously like having people around, so why not try to have people around that you're not dating?


You realize you're posting on a Social Anxiety Support website, right?


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

@path0gen I know those dating apps must suck for guys. So much rejection. I can't handle rejection so I never message guys first lol

I think it's good that you found something that worked for you. It's hard to meet people irl nowadays which is why I'm on those apps. It's nothing to be ashamed of.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Talking to a new guy. Almost got into a stupid argument about politics that all started because I said I want to move to Japan and that America can kiss my ***. Then he started talking crap about Japan and I told him to stop playing their video games then. He rebutted by saying that video games is an AMERICAN pastime, so I told him to go play American games then. Oh wait... :haha He responded by saying that America is "back to back world war champs" and asked what's Japan... "****ty." I don't see killing people as something to be proud of, but he was in the army, so I didn't say anything because I didn't want to offend him lol Apparently he's still mad that Japan bombed us, even though everyone who was a part of it is now dead and Japan loves us now. And as if America hasn't started any trouble :roll

Anyways, I texted him a couple of hours ago, and he hasn't responded. But I've seen him on pof so.... Idk. This ******* never asks anything about me either. I don't even think he knows what I do because he didn't look at my profile or anything. 

Ugh, this whole online dating thing is just pissing me off.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

shuckey said:


> Obviously you don't have to like everybody you see on online dating sites, but I think your standards are a bit unfair. You said it yourself, that you rarely message first because you don't want to deal with the rejection. But if somebody messages you first, it has to be written in a certain way or else you won't respond to them. Or when you do message first, they don't always respond. Maybe because they didn't like the message/reply that you sent? It works both ways.
> 
> Being the first one to message is hard. Sometimes there just isn't much to go by on someone's profile to think of some funny, charismatic paragraph to send them. Sometimes you'll just message someone with "hey, how's it going" because that's normally how 90% of conversations start out in real life. But most women get SWAMPED on online dating sites so I guess the standards are held higher.
> 
> ...


My complaint is that, not only do they put no effort whatsoever, but they also don't message me back when I respond with the same amount of effort. What do they expect? Also, it isn't much to ask for a guy to show that he has at least read my profile by mentioning something I wrote. How hard is that?

And from my experience, many guys on those apps are just looking have sex. That is just a fact. Not all of them, but a good amount do.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

path0gen said:


> You realize you're posting on a Social Anxiety Support website, right?


Ironic, isn't it? :lol


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Someone messaged me saying that I seem like I'd be awkward in person. That's the way to a girl's heart! :roll

Didn't realize my SA was that transparent :frown2:


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

waterfairy said:


> Someone messaged me saying that I seem like I'd be awkward in person. That's the way to a girl's heart!


Fantastic. I'll have to start using that line right away.

Thanks for the tip.

:thanks


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Online dating works exactly like it should. The whole idea is to keep you on the site looking at ads and paying subscription fees. If you are "successful" then chances are you won't be back on the site and they will lose revenue.
They make it so guys have to send tons of messages and girls have to weed through tons of messages and that way everyone has to spend the most time on the site.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Just Lurking said:


> Fantastic. I'll have to start using that line right away.
> 
> Thanks for the tip.
> 
> :thanks


You'll be gettin' all the ladies now  You're welcoommeee :grin2:


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

I'm not black tho... :haha


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

So last night, I finally got the balls to tell a guy that I went out with that I only see him as a friend. He got aggressive at one point and ended up asking me what he can do to avoid the "embarrassing friend zone." Despite his rude behavior, I was nice about it and tried to help him. Then he found out that there's a guy I'm seeing that I like more but don't want to get serious with him. So what does he do? He asks me to hook up with him. I said "no" in a nice way, joking that there's always porn. So what does he do next? He sends me a dick pic. I told him that I made the right decision to dump him and then he said something like, "Oh yeah because this is how I'd act towards someone I'm dating as opposed to someone I'll never talk to again." I told him that it still doesn't say much about his character, and he was like, "So I'm an ******* because I sent a dick pic?" He also mentioned that we were on the subject of hooking up (which I said no to), implying that it was appropriate :roll Dodged a bullet there.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

waterfairy said:


> and then he said something like, "Oh yeah because this is how I'd act towards someone I'm dating as opposed to someone I'll never talk to again."


The way someone treats another person they have nothing to gain from is _way _more indicative of their character than the alternative. It's even more damning that he seems to be openly aware of the fact that his apparent courtesy is conditional and thinks that's reasonable.

Guy sounds like a right ****stain. Well dodged.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Ai said:


> The way someone treats another person they have nothing to gain from is _way _more indicative of their character than the alternative. It's even more damning that he seems to be openly aware of the fact that his apparent courtesy is conditional and thinks that's reasonable.
> 
> Guy sounds like a right ****stain. Well dodged.


Well said! It's upsetting that he decided to treat me that way since he saw that I was no longer any use to him.


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## GODxPUPPETxMAR (Jul 12, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> I'm not black tho... :haha


He probably mistook your pigmentation for one of African decent. A lot of people (closed minded) think that any coloration in your skin makes you "black", unless your facial features obviously says otherwise.

What are you? If you don't mind me asking.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

GODxPUPPETxMAR said:


> He probably mistook your pigmentation for one of African decent. A lot of people (closed minded) think that any coloration in your skin makes you "black", unless your facial features obviously says otherwise.
> 
> What are you? If you don't mind me asking.


Trust me, that wasn't it. My skin is white as snow :lol

I'm half white, half Mexican.


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## GODxPUPPETxMAR (Jul 12, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> Trust me, that wasn't it. My skin is white as snow
> 
> I'm half white, half Mexican.


Ooo... Well in that case, dude is trippin'.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

GODxPUPPETxMAR said:


> Ooo... Well in that case, dude is trippin'.


I'm 99% sure that it was something he copied and pasted and sends to all women :lol He probably forgot to take that detail out.


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## GODxPUPPETxMAR (Jul 12, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> I'm 99% sure that it was something he copied and pasted and sends to all women  He probably forgot to take that detail out.


Yeah, sounds about right. To send a "aslaam alaikum" greeting without even looking at the profile pic? That's kinda reckless.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

GODxPUPPETxMAR said:


> Yeah, sounds about right. To send a "aslaam alaikum" greeting without even looking at the profile pic? That's kinda reckless.


I wondered about that lol Do you know what that means?


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## GODxPUPPETxMAR (Jul 12, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> I wondered about that lol Do you know what that means?


I believe it means peace be upon you.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

I think my biggest gripe with online dating is how I have to "sell" myself. which is never something that I have had a particular interest in doing nor is it something that comes naturally. my looks and my ability to attract people is probably my strongest thing I have going for me but i'm better at just socialising with a person I like in person and going off cues. and working with that environment i'm pretty confident with my capability in this whole area and I have never really doubted myself.

but with online dating it's different ,when every successful guy on there is perfect 10/10 supermodel looking and he's got a cv for his personality ready to go, it's just not how I do things and I am gonna end up being unsuccessful in that environment, and really I don't want to compromise the one area I have a decent strength in.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Doing stuff is annoying, so I'd imagine that is too, I've never had much interest in that type of thing, but I wonder would I get many hits ?.. I'm probably a stud or something & I don't know it yet : /


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

unemployment simulator said:


> I think my biggest gripe with online dating is how I have to "sell" myself. which is never something that I have had a particular interest in doing nor is it something that comes naturally. my looks and my ability to attract people is probably my strongest thing I have going for me but i'm better at just socialising with a person I like in person and going off cues. and working with that environment i'm pretty confident with my capability in this whole area and I have never really doubted myself.
> 
> but with online dating it's different ,when every successful guy on there is perfect 10/10 supermodel looking and he's got a cv for his personality ready to go, it's just not how I do things and I am gonna end up being unsuccessful in that environment, and really I don't want to compromise the one area I have a decent strength in.


I am not on any dating website but when I eventually do I won't try to sell myself. I wan't my relationship to work over time, and I wan't them to pick me because I am me. Obviously, I won't be speaking badly about myself either, but I'd like to say it how it is.


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## Greenmacaron (Jul 20, 2019)

I think online dating can be a magnet for weirdos. Even if you state clearly you are looking for a serious relationship you will get time wasters, people with fetishes looking for just the physical and crazies who get mad when you don’t respond right away and start sending insulting text messages.

I have given up on online dating completely and haven’t been on there for a couple of years. I would actually respect a man who would have a decent conversation with me and ask me out in person. 

It’s not likely to happen as most people seem to be online based. With online dating there seems to be the sense that there’s always something better out there, or they will date multiple people at once which makes it hard to commit and focus on one person. 

I know there are positive stories as my sister married a man she met online and they are a happy couple, so there is hope. Just not sure meeting a man online would be for me.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@Greenmacaron

Insulting ones is probably due to being rejected alot, getting frustrated at that.

Some dating sites have an event section where meet at events. Online dating site is just a connection service. The events is where the old school dating happens. Or just have a good time with others if doesn't work out.

General rule of thumb is if doesn't ask out in first 3 messages, probably never going to. Most people move on to next person.

Sometimes some people are old fashioned. They say you don't see a person's reaction to what is said online, so what is said can be often misinterpreted.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I'm writing this because I feel like it. Please don't criticize me too bad for it. 

Personally I gave up online dating sites back in 2011, 2012, or was it 2013? :stu I can't remember.

The problem I had was finding girls who shared the same interests I have. So I had to stretch myself to try and talk with girls who didn't. I started out trying to write messages mentioning something she was interested in to see if I could get her talking. That never worked well. I tried the mass message way of doing things. Yeah I did a whole lot of Hi how are yous. Yeah I know it's lame, but so is online dating. I tried doing different things to my profile. I became very angry and frustrated with the women on these sites. Anytime I read that they are "deep" "not as shallow" as guys are, I'm like, "not in my experiences" There have been many times when I got a woman talking, and I wrote her a whole paragraph and only go back a sentence in response. I guess your either compatible or your not. Believe it or not the only way ever got some women to message me first was to put in my profile that I liked _______ in some curious sort of way... That actually got some shallow women who wanted to make fun of me. So you can criticize my old methods all you want. At the end of the day your either compatible or your not.

I don't write profiles about myself anymore. I never found that to be helpful. I tried using social networking sites for online dating. That got me banned from facebook. Yeah facebook don't like you saying hi how are you to a lot of people. It's a train wreck of site, that steels your data, and then allows you to to make comments to family and friends. What happens if you don't have any real friends? Apparently you get kicked off, if you try too hard. Other social networking sites, I had people writing me "who are you?" I was like I wrote that in my profile!!!! Thus why I gave up on writing profiles. Nobody pays attention, I guess.

Now I don't even try. But if feel like it, then I'll complain, just like I'm doing now. Thanks for reading. :b


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## f1ora (Jan 5, 2016)

If he hypes you up for your ethnicity or skin color just gtfo that sh!t


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I've never messed with online dating that much (I kinda explored it a tiny bit in the old AOL days of the early 2000s but got tired of it quickly).

It seems like to me the biggest problem with dating in general is that the people who are involved with it accumulate a crap ton of emotional baggage from just the whole process and carry that along with them to the next person they encounter and interact with. So where you might go into the whole thing with an open mind and a willingness to listen to people and treat them as individuals, you end up putting people into categories just based upon initial impressions. And of course most people go into something that seems too easy with unrealistic expectations. 

Tends to cause snap judgments and hurt feelings and just makes a complete mess.

And eventually the baggage and the cynicism that causes pollutes the whole thing.


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## emilyf1991 (Nov 3, 2019)

yes! They are just sending those out randomly.


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## emilyf1991 (Nov 3, 2019)

In your bio have a question that you'd like for them to answer. I normally put what's your favorite movie, and I honestly use only online dating. This works for me. I do have those people where the conversations never progresses, but when you have that question in your bio, that makes them actually have to write something. People love talking about themselves too, so theyll love to start doing that with you. It also shows you whos actually reading your information before you choosing to respond.


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## Care2018 (Aug 23, 2018)

Online dating has always made me feel worse.


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