# Skin hunger



## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

I first read about this a few minutes ago when tigerlilly meantioned in in one of her posts.

From http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1516458:



> From the 2 words, skin and hunger, it describes the desire or craving to be touched, usually from a long period of deprivation.
> 
> Skin hunger is a relatively new term that has been applied to the emotional response engendered by the loss of touch in our society. One of the five basic senses, touch is the only one deemed essential to human life. During WW II babies in orphanages developed Failure to thrive or even died when deprived of human contact. In a classic study by Harry Harlow, newborn monkeys were taken from their biological mothers and given surrogates made of either wire or soft terry cloth. The baby monkeys consistently chose the soft mother even when deprived of nourishment. The need for bonding outweighed even the basic necessity of food.
> 
> ...


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## Red Sun (Jul 6, 2008)

Fascinating article. Made me think of the "Free Hugs" videos on youtube. I think there is a lot of truth here.


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## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

This is really interesting.
Because of my SA I don't really like people touching me, all I really want is to feel loved and to love someone I guess, touch isn't that important. Underneath it probably is though...
Shaking hands or having to kiss someone on the cheek when meeting them is the worst :/ 
I need to get over my fear of this


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## Under Pressure (Sep 13, 2008)

I miss being intimate with a girl. I think it's been over a year now since that last happend. Having a girl in your arms is a great feeling, but I get easily aroused and things 'pop up' if you know what I mean and it can make things awkward lol.


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## onelife (Apr 8, 2009)

Under Pressure said:


> I miss being intimate with a girl. I think it's been over a year now since that last happend. Having a girl in your arms is a great feeling, but I get easily aroused and things 'pop up' if you know what I mean and it can make things awkward lol.


LMAFOOOO

x2


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

That is so interesting and a lot of it sounds so true. Especially after something I was reading last night. I won't say what it was because I'm not sure it's appropriate for the forum.



lucyinthesky said:


> This is really interesting.
> Because of my SA I don't really like people touching me, all I really want is to feel loved and to love someone I guess, touch isn't that important. Underneath it probably is though...
> Shaking hands or having to kiss someone on the cheek when meeting them is the worst :/
> I need to get over my fear of this


Same here. As a child and teen, I would cringe when I had to go with anyone to any dinners or to church or anything like that because EVERYONE would want to kiss and hug me all the time. Ugh! The horror of it all. I still hate it to this day.



Under Pressure said:


> I miss being intimate with a girl. I think it's been over a year now since that last happend. Having a girl in your arms is a great feeling, but I get easily aroused and things 'pop up' if you know what I mean and it can make things awkward lol.


I don't mean to laugh, but that is funny. :haha :haha :haha


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

you know, (i don't remember when this happened) there were/are? huge orphanages in russia with like a thousand kids each, and they didn't have enough caretakers to hold all the children and give them enough attention... anyway it got into the news in europe and the US and couples all over started adopting these kids from russia, and then terrible things happened. like the kids would attack their adoptive families' other children, or mutilate family pets, or draw disturbing violent scenes and stuff, all at a really young age. the lack of contact as babies had made them into violent sociopaths.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

Iced Soul said:


> Same here. As a child and teen, I would cringe when I had to go with anyone to any dinners or to church or anything like that because EVERYONE would want to kiss and hug me all the time. Ugh! The horror of it all. I still hate it to this day.


i'm weird for an SA girl i guess... i don't especially like hugging strangers, but i need a lot of physical contact. i like hugging my friends and people at my church. i'm a very cuddly person.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

tigerlilly said:


> i'm weird for an SA girl i guess... i don't especially like hugging strangers, but i need a lot of physical contact. i like hugging my friends and people at my church. i'm a very cuddly person.


No, I don't think you're weird. 
You said friends and people at your church (whom I assume you know at least somewhat), but not really anyone else.
I've only really had one friend and I'm fine with him touching me, but anyone else, no. And I stayed to myself at church (didn't talk or interact with anyone, the one girl I did talk to ran away from home, so I never saw her again), so I didn't really know anyone, so they were pretty much strangers that I saw twice a week, to me.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Just like the behavior of my dog who is scared to be touched but craves attention.


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

Yes, I think I may have this, but at the same time I have OCD so slight germophobia.


This reminds me of the deaf Japanese girl in the movie Babel.


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## Speratus (Jan 24, 2009)

Other than my immediate family I have never had any contact with anyone with occasional exceptions every several years...it sucks. So I guess in terms of "skin hunger" I'm anorexic and starving lol


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

Good Article! I can relate too it indeed



Bredwh said:


> This reminds me of the deaf Japanese girl in the movie Babel


That's very true, she was an interesting character in that film


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Under Pressure said:


> I miss being intimate with a girl. I think it's been over a year now since that last happend. Having a girl in your arms is a great feeling, but I get easily aroused and things 'pop up' if you know what I mean and it can make things awkward lol.


I crave the same 'warm' feeling you get when you hold a girl in your arms. It's wonderful. It beats any other feeling on the planet, in my opinion even better than you know what. What would make it even better is if you were also very emotionally close to that person.

I think it's a common thing for some SA'ers to long for human contact and connection, for we do mostly find it virtually unnattainable a good deal of the time. I think this could almost be a form of connection hunger as well i.e having the access to intimacy, mutual understanding, sexual healing etc etc.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

When I saw the thread title I thought it would either be about people eating scabs(ewww) or zombies. It is an interesting article. I like the part about our society exploiting sexuality, but criticizing intimacy because it's so true.


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## Franky (Nov 15, 2008)

I didn't read all of that but i think i got the jist of it.

I feel really uncomfortable when strange people come close to me or touch me but I do like it when friends touch me...and thats guy friends...touching girl friends is a little more uncomfortable because im not really used to it apart from my sister.

But yeah ive grown up without a mother so im not used to being hugged...the only person that hugs me is my sister and i actually feel a little uncomfortable when she does that. I hug my friends occasionally (normally when drinking) and yeah I wish we'd touch more...I guess I need some girl friends cause they are more into that stuff. 

But yes in general I feel like I need to touch people...but people I'm friends with.


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## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

Jaiyyson said:


> I crave the same 'warm' feeling you get when you hold a girl in your arms. It's wonderful.


that is exactly what skin hunger is.

and i think a lot of people with SA have it. i know i do. i miss being hugged. hugs are wonderful :[


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

This was a good read, all very true. Apparently I suffer from skin hunger too.

I'm a hugger. I like physical contact, being hugged, doing the hugging, etc. but my SA usually prevents me from initiating it. Usually the other person has to do it to me first before I'll feel OK making even the slightest bit of contact with them. I otherwise feel like an intrusion. So.... I don't get much in the way of physical contact.


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## radiohead (Dec 15, 2008)

Jaiyyson said:


> I crave the same 'warm' feeling you get when you hold a girl in your arms. It's wonderful. It beats any other feeling on the planet, in my opinion even better than you know what. What would make it even better is if you were also very emotionally close to that person.
> 
> I think it's a common thing for some SA'ers to long for human contact and connection, for we do mostly find it virtually unnattainable a good deal of the time. I think this could almost be a form of connection hunger as well i.e having the access to intimacy, mutual understanding, sexual healing etc etc.


Yea I think this is relatively common for not just women, but males as well. I know I sure as hell miss having that intimate connection, both mental and physical, with a beautiful woman.

I've got you beat Under Pressure; been almost 2 years for me now of not having any real intimate contact with a female I was attracted to.........over a year since I've even bothered going on a first date(just too much anxiety for me and I am a wuss with rejection).

But I think we all long to feel the warmth and comfort you get from having an intimate partner that you can just touch, hold, play with their fingers......and all that other romanticism garbage I still hold dear to me for some reason........I try telling myself I'm a little wuss and stuff, haha, especially when I get into this mood/depression on random nights where I am just feel entirely all alone and miss the comfort I've had in past, intimate relationships.

I honestly think it's even worse, for both guys and girls, that have had that "special someone" at one point in their life and then lost that partner some how. Living with a heart that's shattered is annoying.........depressing initially, then over time if you can't overcome it and move on it really just becomes this monkey on your back.......can't escape it, but you can't move on and seek out a new relationship and partner; both because of this aspect and obviously the whole SA part of things.

Bah! Like all of you I hate this subject. I feel so worthless saying that I'm lonely and crave the sensual touch of a womans simple hand........ :rain


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

radiohead said:


> Bah! Like all of you I hate this subject. I feel so worthless saying that I'm lonely and crave the sensual touch of a womans simple hand........ :rain


I happen to think that is completely sweet. Sad, but sweet.
Hopefully, you'll find someone soon.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

I hate being touched by anybody, but I wouldn't mind molesting others.

Also, good potential band name.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I like being touched by certain people. Haven't had none of that in a long while.:rain


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## wintermind (Aug 26, 2008)

I'm being touched mostly either by accident or out of courtesy, sadly it's never been pleasant.


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## Biscuit (Mar 20, 2009)

I understand the whole wanting touch but fearing it thing. My friend (I've known her for like 6 years) used to always try to hug me (she hugs people a lot) out of excitement, etc. and I'd be like a rock...enduring it but not reacting in any way. And same with when i had to hug people (like my extended family). I always hated it. I only hug when I'm drunk. The problem for me personally is that I somehow equate it with sex/sexuality. Maybe becasue I have big boobs, and they touch people? I don't know. But I do wish i hugged people more. That's actually one of the things I'm really looking forward to about having a boyfriend eventually (yeah...not yet.) Since hug=sexuality connetation, with someone that's supposed to be linked to, I think i'll be okay. 

I also super avoid touching people. I probably look OCD. I'll jerk spastically away form people if they even come close (esp. male teachers).

Long story short I wish I could hug people! I find myself rubbing/caressing my face or my arms a lot (probably look like I'm horny or something, when combined with my usual thousand-mile stare) probably to emulate the feeling of physical contact .


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## Halcyon Daze (Dec 22, 2008)

Don't like physical contact. My grandparents always laugh at me when I offer them a handshake instead of a hug. Other people always have to initiate a hug w/ me. I think it's the rejection I fear on some level. I always feel too gross to hug anyone or something. maybe I am deprived, but I've had either a dog or a cat around to cuddle for most my life so that's been a good enough substitution i guess.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

I don't have much to say on this topic, but occasionally guys at work will put a hand on my shoulder or elbow me during a conversation to make a point. I know it probably doesn't mean anything, but I can't help feeling like it's a show of dominance, to make me feel "one-down" or something.


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## scriabin221 (Nov 16, 2008)

I love touching, and I can totally relate to this. I find that hugging people is really therapeutic for my SA, it really brings down a lot of the barriers we build around ourselves and it just feels good. It makes things less cold and really kind of puts both parties at ease. I really don't find hugging to be sexual at all unless it's intended to be. You have to be careful with that because there are some really creepy people out there who you really don't want to hug.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I really loved that article. Thanks for sharing.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Interesting topic. 

I got my haircut last week and usually those encounters make me really anxious because the women in the salon are so chatty and usually ask me a thousand questions as they cut my hair. Well, I caught a break and got my haircut when it was dead except for one stylist. I didn't really have to do much talking at all, she seemed content to talk about herself. When she was cutting my hair she would periodically run her hands through my hair, it was really relaxing. I don't know, she did this several times where she was almost playing and scratching my hair, she just seemed to be really playful with it, more than I see from most stylists. It wasn't sexual, I wasn't really attracted to the girl, but it felt good. It kind of sedated me, I got goosebumps from it and yeah, probably suffering from some skin hunger as well. 

Anyhow, that experience reminded me of a scalp massage. My friend and workout partner suggested getting a deep tissue massage for my legs (we train vertical together) and I wonder if the massage would help alleviate skin hunger as well. I don't know if I'm comfortable (enough to enjoy it) with that though, even though it would probably feel pretty good. You have to get naked and they massage your glutes (butt) pretty hard according to him.


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## Elevated (Apr 22, 2009)

I agree with this. After losing my girlfriend of 2 years, I definitely felt like something was missing. It's such a nice feeling to hold and be held.


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## russophile1977 (Jan 16, 2006)

My parents weren't very affectionate towards me so I grew up without ever being hugged or kissed, and I definitely have issues with that. A co-worker will make a joke and punch me lightly on the arm, and that makes my day just because of the physical contact, even if it only lasted a fraction of a second and even if it didn't mean anything to the other person. Being deprived of physical contact can definitely mess a person up.


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## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Yeah, I think my "skin hunger" is kicking in. I really miss cuddling with my girlfriend. Maybe it's more "skin withdrawal" right now.


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## citizenjane (May 5, 2009)

I think I have the opposite of this.
I don't like being touched, and it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. 
Now I can hardly even stand having air blowing on my skin, like wind or a ceiling fan. And when people try to touch me, I have to stop myself from recoiling.
It's like that extra-heightened, uncomfortable skin sensitivity you get from being feverish, except I have it (to a lesser degree) most of the time.


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## wendeeee (Aug 6, 2012)

*kisses and Hugs please*

I love my children but now that they are older I feel like I have lost the intimacy with them, not too many kisses and hugs going on any more.


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