# I'm a bully magnet and cannot cope.



## BadBeatontheRiver (Feb 7, 2017)

Hello.
So, this has been happening for all my life (23 y/o, male) and I don't have the slightest clue why. I've been trying to get through university because I've really fallen behind at this point but this situation just keeps happening again and again whenever I try to finish uni and I just can't handle this...
Ever since high school I have been attracting bullies *(psychological bullies, never had physical bullies before)* for some reason and I can't ****ing wrap my head around why this happens to me. I'm not the most talkative person in the classroom generally for I just want to study and mind my own business, but generally when people approach me I have no problem talking and behaving like a normal person. Ok, ((everyone)) tells you that I should talk more and whenever a bully appears I'm supposed to talk back and put them in their place... except in my case that only makes me worry more and more about possible consequences these actions may have. I may feel proud when i manage to do it but also more worried and fearful of meeting them again the next day which vastly outweighs the feeling of being able to fight back.

What catches my attention and what makes me even more emotionally damaged whenever it happens is the fact that there are ALWAYS people that talk less and are more socially awkward than me in the classroom, yet I'm the one random people always love to pick on. So what in the world is going on here?

I just... don't even know anymore. At this rate I'll be a 30 year old with no college degree because of goddamn CLASSMATES that have nothing better to do like, you know, the thing you're supposed to do in college. I cannot sleep anymore without taking hypnotics because I'm extremely anxious and these things make me worry more and more and it just ain't working out


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

If talking back doesnt work then try to ignore them. They're just pathetic, worthless pieces of trash that have nothing better to do than to bully people. It may be very annoying but if you act as if they dont exist and block them out of your mind, you may get used to feeling like they arent there and they may get bored eventually. It seems like they are picking on you because they like the reaction that you give. If you dont get affected by it, there will be no fun in it for them and they'll leave you alone.


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## BadBeatontheRiver (Feb 7, 2017)

sad1231234 said:


> If talking back doesnt work then try to ignore them. They're just pathetic, worthless pieces of trash that have nothing better to do than to bully people. It may be very annoying but if you act as if they dont exist and block them out of your mind, you may get used to feeling like they arent there and they may get bored eventually. It seems like they are picking on you because they like the reaction that you give. If you dont get affected by it, there will be no fun in it for them and they'll leave you alone.


Yeah that's ideally what I'd just like to do. But the bully always has an audience to keep reinforcing his ****ty ****ing behavior even if I ignore or play along.
I'd love to understand their mentality. Why targeting me instead of arguably more awkward people? Why do many times these people come from WITHIN my social circle and after sharing the same space for a while? I've been their classmate and buddy for about a year and it doesn't make any sense to me why all of a sudden they start being like this. I've had this happen so so many times throughout my life that trying to make new friends is a high risk endeavor for my sanity on the long term.


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## asynje (Oct 24, 2016)

It's difficult to say why they pick on you when I don't know you in real life. :/ 

I guess the best thing to do is to ignore it. Don't show that it affects you. I hope that will make it stop eventually, because if they think it doesn't affect you then there's no point in continuing to bully you.


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## lackofflife (Mar 24, 2015)

BadBeatontheRiver said:


> Hello.
> So, this has been happening for all my life (23 y/o, male) and I don't have the slightest clue why. I've been trying to get through university because I've really fallen behind at this point but this situation just keeps happening again and again whenever I try to finish uni and I just can't handle this...
> Ever since high school I have been attracting bullies *(psychological bullies, never had physical bullies before)* for some reason and I can't ****ing wrap my head around why this happens to me. I'm not the most talkative person in the classroom generally for I just want to study and mind my own business, but generally when people approach me I have no problem talking and behaving like a normal person. Ok, ((everyone)) tells you that I should talk more and whenever a bully appears I'm supposed to talk back and put them in their place... except in my case that only makes me worry more and more about possible consequences these actions may have. I may feel proud when i manage to do it but also more worried and fearful of meeting them again the next day which vastly outweighs the feeling of being able to fight back.
> 
> ...


u have to fight with one of them and kick his *** or they will never leave you.....and ignoring them doesnt work its just makes them think that u are afraid of them...im dealing with these kind of ppl right now.....one mintute they are loughing with u the next minute they try to make u look like an idiot
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

If they used to be your friends, I would tell them that you don't appreciate being treated that way, and if they can't be real friends, they can get lost. If they never were your friends, tell them to ***k off, but do it in a calm, steady way so they see you are insulting them, not that you are being affected by them. It really helps to point out nasty behavior and say that you aren't going to put up with it, because ignoring it or making it seem like it you won't address it encourages people to passive-aggressively, or sometimes just aggressively target you. You have to calmly stand up for yourself and set limits on how people treat you. If you do not demand to be treated with respect, people who like to put other people down to feel less weak and pathetic will prey on you. (Spoken by someone who was married to someone who slowly became this way.)


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Stand up for yourself..u cannot let some random person prevent u from accomplishing ur educational goals. Ignoring it sometimes does help because eventually they'll get bored and stop..but that doesn't always happen. It quite pathetic witnessing adults pick on others for entertainment.


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## BlackRedFoxx (Feb 26, 2017)

I swear these kinds of people that you experience really brings out all the fire within. They're so full of **** and despite if they have been going through something difficult no one deserves to be treated like that, EVER. Don't sympathize with their pain whatever you do. I was taught for years that you should ignore these kind of people but that only made things worse and I became more passive. With time I developed a backbone and started to stand up for myself which finally took a different turn. Start taking action over your situation and look after yourself in the way that feels comfortable for you. But don't force yourself to be confident in a similar situation. Think of something that makes you stand out from the rest and let that be your guide to over-win the jackass bullies that aren't part of your story.


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## 837506 (Feb 4, 2017)

I am cutting and pasting the following from my post to another op's on bullying:

I URGE YOU TO TAKE UP MMA. Or any martial art; Karate, Jiu Jitsu, Boxing, Tae Kwon Do, Aikido, etc. Look up tutorials on YouTube to start. 

Having the skills to defend yourself is an irreplaceable/intangible quality. When you EARN such skills, you will have the confidence required, and that confidence will emanate in your demeanor, your character. A true martial artist is a human weapon with a highly honed mindset, only using his skills when all else fails. But that mindset brings confidence, and that confidence will ooze through your pores, and when that happens any potential bully will avoid you. Your confidence will burn into his soul, and create fear. That fear will contain him, resulting in a non-hostile environment for you. Trust me, I walk around with no fear, bc if something should happen to me or loved ones, I have no qualms in utilizing my arsenal. 

The day the bully gets put in his place is the day he bleeds humility. He will never look at you in the same light. He will probably question himself, resulting in one less bully bc of you.

I have NEVER met a true martial artist that bullies people. Only the weak bully, that is an indisputable fact.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

If it's impossible to ignore then why not just report these people for harassment. Keep a record of incidents and get some external advice. At college i went to see a college councillor about such a person. I suspect though it would've been better to ask someone not working for the college as they can often just give advice thst isn't going to inconvenience the college. They advised me to discuss it with my supervisor which i did and i put all my faith in him to sort the issue out. In hindsight that was a mistake. I should've told more people in the department. In the end these people can ruin your career so you have to take well informed steps to tackle the issue.


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## 837506 (Feb 4, 2017)

And if you keep worrying about the 'what ifs' and after-effects of your RIGHTS to stand up for yourself, then the world is gonna eat you up. You can't live in a bubble your whole life. You gotta know in your heart that you're doing the right thing, trust your intuition. Let go of fears you cannot control in the future. Obviously you want to use your head, meaning don't bring a machete to a pruning session (not the best analogy haha, but you get the idea). 

Let go of future fears and own the present moment, and things will start to align in the future for you.


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## nexus321 (Mar 4, 2013)

There is a guy like that in my class too, he hates me for no reason at all. But I notice when I talk to the girls in class that's when he starts to act like a jerk towards me. But I'm not gonna let that A-hole get to me. Sure, I could just sit and be silent and invisible but if I do that how will I make friends!? How will I ever meet a girl!? The answer is I won't. And the truth is guys like this I've been around my whole life and you know what? Once college is done I'll never see that jerk again. Don't let *your *jerk put you down. Stand up for yourself, the worse thing isn't a fight, the worse thing is that *you *might lose respect for yourself. Don't. 
I hope this helps.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I've been bullied and harassed from elementary school to high school. People actually didn't bother me that much in community college. I think it was because I rarely saw anyone for more than one class. Only encountered one person who made fun of me repeatedly in college. Sorry your experience with college has been different.

When I worked many of my coworkers and supervisors made fun of me on a regular basis.


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## HazelRay (Feb 9, 2017)

As someone who has been bullied/excluded all my life, I am so sorry :-( Like you, I too always wonder why I've been targeted and bullied. What I always tell myself is that I cannot get into the minds of these people, and therefore trying to figure out their motives has only really taken a toll on me. In the end, my wondering only increases my self-conscious behaviour. I know it is easier said than done, but try ignoring them - if only outwardly. if you face a bully with indifference, they will no longer be able to feed off your insecurities. I truly hope that you will be able to move on from this.


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## ManInAShed (Dec 19, 2016)

Some good advice. I think you need to stand up to them, ask them what their problem is? Why have they decided to pick on you? They must be near adults or adults so they need to start acting like it. See what their problem is and then you can move on and just keep your distance from. Of course, I'm not sure if I could do this myself but if it keep happening over time I would have to say something.


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