# how do you guys hold eye contact with people?



## marthakairi319 (Feb 22, 2012)

Its hard for me to make eye contact ;0 
So how doo youu guys deal with it??


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I never used to be able to do it. Years ago, someone told me to just look at the area between the eyes instead, so I started doing that.

I actually like eye contact now. It makes me feel (and look) engaged and calm even when I'm not. And I like having something to focus on.


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## blueingreen (Jun 10, 2012)

idk, for me it varies depending on the person. there was a boy in one of my classes with really pretty blue eyes and it was hard for me to look him in the eyes because I was afraid I would start smiling at him and then he'd get creeped out. but I just have to remind myself that it's considered rude to not look in peoples eyes, at least occasionally, so sometimes I'll like glance at their eyes briefly then look at something else but use other cues to let them know I'm still listening to them.


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## Tena (Jul 2, 2012)

adhd, used to be easy but now i seldom make it. 
it disturbs me cz i feel like they're getting too close, it can be rather irritating lol ...


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## nameless56 (Mar 26, 2011)

its not that hard i dont know but eye contact is pretty easy for me when im in conversation cause i just straight stare right into the persons eyes with a blank stare like something is wrong with them i dont know people do it to me so i do it back lol


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## EZRAT (Jun 17, 2011)

When I'm feeling happy I can stare into people's eyes and have a normal conversation and a laugh and everything is cool. I'm pretty certain it's a confidence thing because if I'm feeling low then I just want to look (and get) away. I also find if I'm looking at people head on it's harder, perhaps my brain feels I'm being attacked, I don't know. FML.


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## lokor (Dec 21, 2011)

Once I realized that my life was going to be much worse if I didn't apply myself to exposing myself to social situations, I walked around and made eye contact with random people. There's no danger. They'll just think you are odd and never see you again. And then you progress to eye contact in other situations.


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## podood (Dec 19, 2010)

I am not expert but I once read some advice that said practice with the tv... so you could practice holding eye contact with the news reader on tv, for example, and then try it out in real life...


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

podood said:


> I am not expert but I once read some advice that said practice with the tv... so you could practice holding eye contact with the news reader on tv, for example, and then try it out in real life...


That's an interesting idea...I'll have to try it, although I suspect it's a lot less scary to make eye contact with your TV.

I don't know why eye contact is so difficult, but it just is. I especially have a hard time making eye contact with someone if I'm attracted to him. Fear of rejection? I don't know. But it sucks, because that's how you express interest. So I probably come off as cold and uninterested, even when that couldn't be further from the truth.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I have trouble with this sometimes, especially now I have stopped my meds. For some reason I have no trouble making eye contact with my ex, but for a little while I had trouble looking my own son in the eyes - that really upset me - my son means the world to me and I was determined to not allow that to continue. I have a lot of willpower, I think, and I forced myself to look straight at him . I do it all the time, I won't give in to it. I guess it's sort of like exposure or desensitisation because it gets much easier after a while - now I just forget about it and do it naturally.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

to look at their eyes i i count the lines on the white parts


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## Mlochail (Jul 11, 2012)

If I know the person I have absolutely no problem, if I don't know the person then it depends on what vibes that person gives off.


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## Mr Enigma (Jul 17, 2012)

In my high school years , just finished hs btw . I was bullied alot because I have a " lazy eye " in my left eye , this has majorly affected my use of eye contact . I find often if I try and look at someone in the eyes they say " um are you talking/looking at me " and there will be that awkward moment where im like ... yes . Has majorly affected my confidence and theres not much I can do about it


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## Teida (Jul 16, 2012)

I can't, especially if there are other people around or I dwell on the fact that they're looking at me. Sometimes if it's just me and one of my really close friends I can manage for a few seconds, otherwise I just look anywhere but their face.


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## Tibble (Jan 11, 2011)

It's so hard making eye contact, I get so nervous that I'm forced to look away. It's not so bad when it comes to friends and family though. This is one of the main problems I am having :/


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

lokor said:


> Once I realized that my life was going to be much worse if I didn't apply myself to exposing myself to social situations, *I walked around and made eye contact with random people. There's no danger.* They'll just think you are odd and never see you again. And then you progress to eye contact in other situations.


This.
I may be coming off as a mad man but, like lokor said, you'll never see them again.


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## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

I only do it if i have to, even then i feel really akward and uncomfortable


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

There's a thing I've found out recently and actuall for much longer; stop caring what strangers think of you. It's much MUCH harder to do than to say......

To simplify it for you:

I'm in the tram. I see people I actually never have seen before. Suddenly I feel watched and look back and lock eyes with someone, he/she looks away.

Normally in my mind I would panick "crap, what did I do wrong?". 

But now it's more "hey that person probably just looked to the window behind me, and even if he were staring at me, who cares, he's not a friend nor a family member, why should I care?". 

Or if it's a girl.

"Well she may think I'm cute, or she was watching the window behind me and if not, who cares, she's not a friend nor a member of my family, and the likelyhood of ever seeing her again is small."

That works a lot for me.


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## Cashew (May 30, 2010)

I actually love eye contact. I use to have trouble with it, but I think it helps to break it up into bits. You don't have to stare at them, just look for a moment, look off to the side or something, look back. Like someone said, practice on strangers, people you'll never see again.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

blueingreen said:


> idk, for me it varies depending on the person. there was a boy in one of my classes with really pretty blue eyes and it was hard for me to look him in the eyes because I was afraid I would start smiling at him and then he'd get creeped out. but I just have to remind myself that it's considered rude to not look in peoples eyes, at least occasionally, so sometimes I'll like glance at their eyes briefly then look at something else but use other cues to let them know I'm still listening to them.


Smiling at people shouldnt creep them out


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

yeahhhh no. I don't really look at a person's eyes unless I have to. If there's at least a couple feet between us, I just look at something close behind them. If they're near me, I just stare at their forehead or something. Or I just pretend I'm busy with something else while I'm talking to them so I don't have to look at them at all. 

It's pretty embarrassing, though. I remember one time I volunteered in a classroom for special ed kids of kindergarten to 3rd grade. The teacher asked if I wanted to help with their social activity of the day, in which someone would sit in the front of the class and the kids would come up one by one, shake hands, and ask 2 questions while maintaining eye contact. That was the day I figured out I was worse at maintaining eye contact than the kids. I was shaking all over, probably making the kids even more nervous. Overall, I never volunteered in that class again :/


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

In my college math class the teacher walked up and started lecturing while looking me right in the eye. I looked away and he made fun of me for it.

Now I make a point to look everyone in the eye, when I'm talking to them. I'm never sure though what the exact amount of eye contact expected is. (like how long before I look away when the conversation lasts more than a few seconds) I have to guesstimate it based on my limited observations of other people.


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## Jollygoggles (Mar 3, 2011)

Maintaining eye contact for a blusher btw is a nightmare.


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## Husker9019 (Aug 14, 2011)

It actually wasn't that hard once I got the hang of it. Just try holding contact with like a co-worker or friend. You'll realize they're just as self conscious as you are.


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## And1 ellis (Jul 8, 2012)

I rarely make eye contact and when I do I don't do it with my face directly towards there's. I only ever make eye contact when I have my face leaning to the right side because I'm afraid I will look ugly to them. The rest of the time when I'm talking I just look at the floor or at something. I don't even look my family straight in the face.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

what i have learned about eye contact is that there is two different types... passive and aggressive... aggressive is used to intimidate people and it is done by looking continuously into both eyes at the same time for long periods of time... passive is to let someone know you are listening to them and are interested in what they are talking about, it is done by looking at each eye individually for 2-3 seconds looking at the other eye for 2-3 seconds and the glancing away for a second or two and then resuming eye contact..... the only people i have trouble making eye contact with are girls i have a crush on and my boss because she scares the **** outta me lol


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

i have this problem sometimes. Most of the time during a conversation I unconsciously look down or to the side. When i notice i immediately remind myself to look at them in the eyes. I find keeping eye contact to be very uncomfortable.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I can't hold eye contact with people at all, especially if the guy is good looking. When I look at them face to face, it just makes me feel very self conscious. So I look away. I'm very insecure about my own face so making eye contact is hard for me. I've made eye contact with people before and they would give me disgusted looks. This is mainly the reason why I refuse to look at people straight in the eyes especially when talking to them.


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## SarahSublimelyStrange (Jul 14, 2012)

I can't deal with it lately. I hate looking guys in the eyes especially; if I do, I blush, and they think I like them or something, it's frustrating. I have trouble looking family members in the eyes too.


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## marokji (Aug 4, 2012)

Look at the nose !!! it works.


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## chrys04 (Jul 30, 2012)

I agree with Ezrat. If i'm feeling mousey and shy, i have a really hard time looking people in the eye. On the street i'm always looking down, and in conversation, i'm looking everywhere, making eye contact for seconds and my eyes bolt. There is a rush of adrenaline that happens when i do make eye contact with people when i'm feeling this way. 

When i feel confident its not as hard to look people in the eye. i can tap into that confidence and let it propel me to the next encounter. and i like seeing people smile back at me.

i watch people and try to mimick what they do as they interact. Sometimes it works for me, other times it doesn't. When it doesn't i look for the nearest exit.

oddly enough i'm finding that for me, making eye contact is less about the people around me and more about how i'm feeling about myself; how safe i feel. i'm still trying to get a handle on it.


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## megalomatt (May 25, 2012)

It's hard for sure. It almost feels like it's shame that does it. My therapist and I actually talked about it recently and he had me go out and just practice on strangers. It's helped a ton. Just try it on strangers and smile, it can't hurt.


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## Soulsurvivor (Aug 10, 2012)

I don't look at people in the eyes. Even if I didn't have SA I don't think I would. It's so uncomfortable. I feel like a dog looking down their prey, and vice versa when they are looking are looking me in the eye. I glance briefly over every of part of a persons face briefly, like a circuit around their face and that works just fine. Sometimes Ill look at their nose or lips for longer, or in the part between their eyes if I have to. And they can never tell! Or at least I don't think they can...


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## cherryboom (Jun 14, 2012)

Jollygoggles said:


> Maintaining eye contact for a blusher btw is a nightmare.


I know I hate it when I start to go red and my anxiety goes through the roof and I can't look people in the eye anymore. I have naturally tanned skin so it looks odd when I blush.

I love eyes so much they are my favourite part of a person and yet I find it so hard to maintain eye contact. I would love nothing more than to gaze into eyes all day lol.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've always had a hard time looking someone in the eyes. If a woman looks at me I'll always look away. I remember in elementary school when a girl would smile at me I would always look away.


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## madisonjane (Jun 18, 2012)

at one point in my life i was forced to do it daily. now it's normal for me. not the best thing.... it was kinda horrible, but eye contact is no major thing for me now. i also blush, so you can imagine how difficult it was.


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## ThingsRlookingUp (Aug 13, 2012)

I feel the same way but I feel if you don't make eye contact when talking to someone they feel like you are uniterested/too aloof. I've been trying to make it a habit of holding eye contact and smiling more. Hopefully it's coming off as natural...


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