# Please help me. How do you think positive when you feel like your life is cursed



## Ironpain (Aug 8, 2010)

What helps you when you feel like nothing is fair in life when you feel like your always having bad luck, it's a long and complicated story but any plans I had tonight we're completely ruined, just like that stupid G20 that ruined my birthday plans back in June. Even before then. Time and Time again something happens to screw me over something always happens to change my plans. What do you do when your faced with severe disappointment? Me I get anxiety attacks and feel miserable and want to die inside but as far as positive changes I wish I knew what to do. Can you help?

I have this urge to break down right now, I'm trying not to have a panic attack but it's happening, I thought it was all going to work out but I think I'm just cursed.


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## No Surprises (Nov 1, 2009)

Hey Ironpain,

The first thing you need to do is calm down. It's clear that you're blowing things way out of proportion. No lost plans are worth sacrificing your sanity over. I don't even have plans for the night -- I can't remember the last time I did, actually -- and I'm not complaining.

The next thing you need to do is listen to the things you're saying and realize how you're making yourself miserable: _'Nothing is fair in life'_, _'You're always having bad luck'_, _'Your life is cursed.'_

First, you've overgeneralized, on the basis of a few cancelled engagements, to the conclusion that _nothing_ is ever fair in life and you're _always_ having bad luck. Certainly, if you're trying to make extremely broad, overarching statements about the nature of existence, you'll want a slightly more representative sample than a few cancelled nights out.

Second, this whole notion of "fairness" and "bad luck" is just a means of torturing yourself over the idea that life doesn't measure up to what you think it _should_ be, instead of accepting reality for what it is and making the most of it. If you keep judging everything that happens with reference to what you think _should_ have happened, or what's "fair", you'll never be satisfied.

Third, saying that you're _cursed_ because your plans have been cancelled is an example of reading way too much significance into a rather normal occurrence. It's also an example of incorrectly personalizing the situation as though to suggest that there's something fundamentally flawed in your being that causes these sorts of things to happen.

Your perceptions and reality aren't the same thing. All the pain and suffering doesn't actually have to be there.


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## Ironpain (Aug 8, 2010)

No Surprises said:


> Hey Ironpain,
> 
> The first thing you need to do is calm down. It's clear that you're blowing things way out of proportion. No lost plans are worth sacrificing your sanity over. I don't even have plans for the night -- I can't remember the last time I did, actually -- and I'm not complaining.
> 
> ...


This is a very well thought out and intelligent answer. When I'm in a positive mood you can see it, you know that I'm generally happy towards things, I had everything planned out and then just like the game of Jinga you pull the wrong piece and it all comes toppling down. Had plans with someone special and well it's over now and she understand's the situation and knows that it was out of my hands but I feel like I let her down. I wanted to really read your answer over and over and try to understand what's going on inside of me and how to control this feeling that sneaks up on me.

Of course if I look at the world Economically I know many people have suffered disappointment I can see that some people have worse struggles then me but when your feeling upset about something sometimes you don't stop to focus on the less fortunate or those struggling to keep themselves afloat in these hard times.

I have a song in my heart and so I'm singing me a sweet song and thinking of my beautiful lady and going to take your words and absorb them and try to come away put it behind me.


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