# Shy bowel syndrome - don't know if anyone's talked about it



## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Hi,

Hmm yes Im going to write about it. Yes I know it's an absolutely embarrassing topic to talk about but let's admit it, it's SA related. Ive read posts about people being afraid to pee in front of others but no one has ever talked about shy bowel syndrome. I just want to know if anyone else suffers from it and how they actually cope with it. For me it's been painstakingly - a nightmare. I refuse to stay with friends or relatives or anyone else when I go away on vacations, even if they offer and it's free. I hate going to public toilets, I will never relax there and generally if I am feeling anxious or people are making me feel anxious I cannot go, then I have to resort to laxatives. Any change in my routine absolutely disrupts it and it's a hard thing to live with. I did talk to my therapist about it and we tried to work through it the best way she knew, even though she was not experienced about this problem and apparently there isn't really any sort of help for it, or people just don't talk about it or are just too plain embarrassed or shy to. But to this day I still suffer from it, and things don't get any better (in that area) as you get older. Apparently from doing some research on the net, it is a common problem and someone that I worked with once admitted that she too found it a problem for herself. My therapist asked some of her friends back then if they found it hard to go in public toilets and some of them admitted that they hate going there but if they have to and it's urgent, then they will. Apparently it's more common in females than males. I think males just don't care as much about this, I mean they are used to sharing toilets and burping and sharing bodily noises in front of people (well not all men do but a lot do), lol (I know I wasn't going to say this but I did), but I think when your female you worry more about your hygiene because you want to appear clean and you don't want anyone making any horrid comments, lol. after you've been to the loo. I know it's all such a stupid ridiculous way of thinking because it's completely natural and "everybody goes" but for an SA sufferer, you always worry more about how you appear.

That's why I never joined the army! (Not that I really wanted to anyway) 

Oh, and you can only eat so much fibre, fruit, vege's and drink 8 glasses of water per day, I mean who does that on a daily basis, I can't keep up with doing that for heavens sake! 

Hope people respond to this, please don't be shy to write about it!


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

never heard of it. I have IBS tho. My anxiety prolly makes it worse. I have crazy anxiety about public washrooms plus I have OCD so. Unless i know no ones in the washroom, i wont go.


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## nightmahr (Jan 2, 2008)

I really don't like ****ting in public toilets. I wouldn't call it a problem though.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

nightmahr said:


> I really don't like ****ting in public toilets. I wouldn't call it a problem though.
> 
> What the **** is with this censoring? Is it to protect people from reality or something?


turn off your censoring in your profile if you like.


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## HumiliatedGuy (Jan 13, 2008)

I will only go in a public place if I really, really have to.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Anachiel said:


> Ive read posts about people being afraid to pee in front of others but no one has ever talked about shy bowel syndrome.


Yeah, I didn't even think about that! I guess I thought I was the only one.

I don't have any problem with the "shy bladder" thing (public washrooms are okay in that respect - now, anyway), but this, yes. I prefer to just pretend the function doesn't exist. Too acutely embarrassing. :afr

It's just my mom and me at my house, and I just disappear and I always turn on the fan or something for a noise. When people are over, though... geesh, you can't seem to get two minutes in the bathroom without someone looking for you and/or trying to get in. AHHHHHHH! :afr :eyes

Obviously it can cause problems for longer trips. One time I went on a trip for a week and a half with a friend... and I was sick the first morning so I hope he was still asleep. :afr

And I wouldn't dream of a public washroom (that sounds kind of wrong)! :afr


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

A friend of mine, who probably has SA to some degree, complained of a "shy bowel", though he had no problem peeing. It's exactly the opposite with me. Just so you know Anachiel, you're not the only one.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

It's weird, after reading some of these responses, it's either shy bladder or shy bowel, I don't have a problem at all with the bladder, even in public toilets, it's just the other one that I get all shy about, it's torture. Yes I too fear being interrupted or someone banging on the bathroom door, it's always been like that for me, I like complete privacy, and I mean COMPLETE PRIVACY. ops ops ops 

I hate talking about this thing.

I know there are more people with this problem.................................
Im waiting for more responses, and just to see how others may deal with it, cause apparently there is no known cure, except for CBT perhaps?????


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## mcnabj (May 21, 2005)

Well I have a problem peeing when there is some guy next to me. I have always had this problem. It can be bad at a sporting event when a huge lines forms behind me. I can deal with this by using a closed stall. None of my friends have this problem.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Oh yes. I'll never do -ahem- this in a public one. But I avoid public restrooms no matter what. More because of everyone else than the gross factor. Anyhow, I have to wait until everyone leaves xD Sucks being in a dorm because someone usually comes in when I'm there and I have to sit and wait again until they leave. I thought my "shy bladder" was bad, but this one by far tops it.

Yeah, I've never heard of this either but... yeah I wish there wasn't a need for restrooms period  No embarrassing functions. But then again I'm not a "normal" guy, I don't burp and I don't pass gas around others. I hate the restroom noises... I always use stalls...


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

I wish the damn function didn't exist. Wouldn't it be great if what you ate just dissappeared into thin air, lol. AS IF!!!


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## subzero0 (Jun 18, 2005)

i never **** in public places. its so embarrassing. its like, you fart and you make those sounds, sometimes you yell and groan. and one time, i hadn't had taken a dump for like 3 days cuz i was on vacation and we hadnt gotten our hotel yet until like the 3rd day. it was torture. i cant even **** in my home, well i can when im alone but like if my family is home or something i have to pretend im taking a shower, or a bath to hide the noise. but peeing, i'm totally okay with it.


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## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

I have a very hard time peeing with people around, especially in a public bathroom. Most times I don't start peeing right away even in private, and I am not really sure why. Maybe I am just uptight, I don't know.


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## Toedoe (Sep 19, 2007)

deleted


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

It's the perfectionism inside of us that refuses to allow ourselves to relax about letting loose, and because we get so damn anxious, the bowels, or bladder just freezes up, just like the muscles, I think that's the problem. And the fact like some of you have stated, when performing this bodily function, being (the noise, or the smell) and that fact that we don't want to appear noisy or smelly in front of others after we have gone and done our thing, is that perfectionism inside of us refusing to "let go and be normal". It's a psychological problem. Why do we have to think like this, when we know it's "PERFECTLY" natural. Honestly I think the only way we will ever overcoming this thing, is if we ever overcome our SA. 

Ive always been so embarrassed to talk about this, even to my partner. Sometimes I feel that if I talk about it, people will be more aware of it and make it worse for me, even that's a silly way of thinking but Im sure most of you feel like that too. I saw on the net that hypnotherapy is another way of dealing with it. I wish there was a medication or something for it.

Anyhow, thanks for the responses so far, it's comforting to know that there are others out there who go through the same thing.
If anyone else wants to write about it, please don't hesitate, don't be embarrassed to. Im sure there's also a lot of people avoiding this thread cause it's just way too embarrassing for them to talk about. But it is proven that's it's definately SA related.
Havva nice day.


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## moso (Jan 25, 2008)

I always go #2 in the basement bathroom at work. There's nothing on that floor so nobody really knows about it. It's great, always clean, etc. I hate taking dropping the kids off at the pool when there are other people in the stalls next to me.


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## mcnabj (May 21, 2005)

Well if I need to duece its got to be at my house. The comforts of my toilet are well ingrained in my head. I feel safe and very at ease. I think a lot of people are like this.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

You're right, this is a new topic for SAS. Hard to find anything new after 5+ years here.

And you're also right that some men (not me) are not at all shy about taking what seems to be the world's biggest bowel movement in a public restroom. You can hear farting, blasting, and you-know-what hitting the water. I've been mentally scarred hearing things that no man should ever hear.

Then these guys just walk out without washing their hands! Hell, I'm lucky if these jerks even bother to flush.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

IBS is not new with SA, many suffer from both.


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## KooKoo (Oct 11, 2006)

You are definetly not alone i hate public washrooms if there are other men using a urinal around me i can not pee.I have to go inside a closed door even then it takes time .When im at the urinal its impossible to go and very frustrating.I also feel very dirty when i am in a public washroom and i will not touch any doors or handels with my bare hand i even use my foot to flush the toilet.I also use a paper towel to open the door on the way out.

Until i found out this was a symptom of SA i was truly mystified as to why i could not go.Now knowing that other people have this makes me feel better and it also amazes me how something so unique can happen to many people it is amazing how powerful the mind can be.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

UltraShy said:


> You're right, this is a new topic for SAS. Hard to find anything new after 5+ years here.
> 
> And you're also right that some men (not me) are not at all shy about taking what seems to be the world's biggest bowel movement in a public restroom. You can hear farting, blasting, and you-know-what hitting the water. I've been mentally scarred hearing things that no man should ever hear.
> 
> Then these guys just walk out without washing their hands! Hell, I'm lucky if these jerks even bother to flush.


 :lol :lol :lol :lol

I haven't been mentally scarred from a female restroom yet! Luckily most women don't make a show out of it, ha ha! it just wouldn't appear ladylike.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

I have realised that having time off work, going away on a vacation and not having to abide to a strict routine timetable where you have to be on time for everything helped make this problem a little easier to deal with. While I was away on a vacation, my body was more relaxed. I think when you are going at the everyday mundane routine in your life your body stresses and tenses up and I think for me this is another reason why I have this problem. If Im in such a rush in the morning, or woken up late, or kids are running late getting out of bed, then there is no way I can relax and go to the loo properly, or even worse, when someone is at the door knocking cause they are in a hurry also. Being on holidays put a little ease on this problem but unfortunately, life is not always a holiday, lol. Great subject this isn't it? 
Yes being relaxed is the key to everything. I guess the key is to finding ways to relax when your life is so mundane and busy, I think this is the other problem with Shy Bowel Syndrome, just generally being tense overall.

Hope I make sense. 

YOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else out there who wants to talk about this, lol


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## DJBrosco (Feb 14, 2008)

:lol Anachiel, you're definitely not alone on this. I've NEVER wanted to "boo-boo" other than in the privacy of my own home. It's just something I'd rather keep to myself. And the hygiene factor is a big part of it. When I use the bathroom at my job, sometimes someone is in there just destroying the toilet and I'm thinking, "Do I really want to use that?" Then sometimes when I really HAVE to go, I go in there and someone doesn't flush the toilet. It's those type of experiences that keep me constipated and waiting to go home to relieve myself. 

And there were countless times where I had to go and when I went, there was already someone there in the adjacent stall. I just turn right back around and hold it. I refuse to go at the same time someone else is going. That's just too up close and personal for me.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I don't like going number 2 in a public bathroom because I'm actually embarassed at the noises I would make. Especially, if someone comes in and sits in the next stall over.


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## despirit (Aug 16, 2007)

Around christmas time we had a lot of company in the house pretty regularly and my stress levels were at an all time high. I was too embarassed to go to the bathroom because I don't like people hearing me strain and make noises while I'm in there. I ended up not going for two weeks! I was so bloated, and no matter how hard I tried to go, I couldn't. I went to the ER and I had to drink 3 quarts of this stuff called GoLytely that tasted like sea water. It was so nasty, and my stomach was so tight it felt like the skin was going to tear. haha. I was on the toliet all day. Miserable.

Now I try to eat a lot of fiber and don't eat a lot of cheese and dairy products. I go regularly at the same time everyday. I never want that to happen again.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

despirit said:


> Around christmas time we had a lot of company in the house pretty regularly and my stress levels were at an all time high. I was too embarassed to go to the bathroom because I don't like people hearing me strain and make noises while I'm in there. I ended up not going for two weeks! I was so bloated, and no matter how hard I tried to go, I couldn't. I went to the ER and I had to drink 3 quarts of this stuff called GoLytely that tasted like sea water. It was so nasty, and my stomach was so tight it felt like the skin was going to tear. haha. I was on the toliet all day. Miserable.
> 
> Now I try to eat a lot of fiber and don't eat a lot of cheese and dairy products. I go regularly at the same time everyday. I never want that to happen again.


You poor thing!!!!!!!!!! That must have been absolute torture for you, 2 weeks!!!!!! How did you survive???????

This thread has gone a bit dead again, anyone else out there with this problem?? And if so, how do you cope with it? Is there some sort of cure???? Anyone?? :sigh


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

I have a problem as well and I dread when I am on trips with a friend and when we stay with her relatives I have a problem. I have to have silence as well but I can hear people in the other room talking and laughing and I am just too tense and then I'm worried they'll come looking for me and asking me where I am and what is the problem. I can go if there is no one in the house or they are all gone but that doesn't happen much. I'm fine at home.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

I have IBS. Thankfully, I noticed that eating smaller portions reduces my chances of having an irritable bowel attack. But, when I work, this is a problem. There's no way I can **** in a public restroom if other people are in there. If I'm lucky enough to be in there by myself, I'm tense waiting for someone to walk in. It's so hard to go! Sometimes, I can't go until Saturday (when the work week is over)! I used to have a lot of attacks at my last job because I was uncomfortable there. I would sit in my desk chair in excruciating pain, hoping the pain would go away. I couldn't bear to go to the bathroom, because I was afraid I would sit there and wouldn't be able to go, and that my coworkers would notice my absence. So embarrassing


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## Illini_Pride (Apr 25, 2005)

One time I had diarrhea in a public restroom. The lady who walked in while I was still in the stall said: "Lord, have mercy!" I waited for her to leave because I didn't want her to see my face and comment. :blush I've had trouble going number 2 in a public restroom ever since.


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Illini_Pride said:


> One time I had diarrhea in a public restroom. The lady who walked in while I was still in the stall said: "Lord, have mercy!" I waited for her to leave because I didn't want her to see my face and comment. :blush I've had trouble going number 2 in a public restroom ever since.


Its comments like these that super sensitive people like us don't forget. I developed this problem from about aged 14 when I started to become more self consious of my body and any comment that was made in my family about someone having a bowel movement and how awful the bathroom was to walk into afterwards only made the paranoia of it all more intense, also it didn't help when my mother would go straight into the bathroom after you retired and made a habit of disinfecting it and to add to it my father didn't think it was ladylike for a woman to burp, make bodily noises, or turn a rainforest smelling bathroom into a gas bomb factory! only he was allowed cause he was a man, lol, but seriously as trivial as it all sounds I think this contributes to the whole paranoia of being able to relax on the loo.

Anxiety75 - I too have a paranoia about being disturbed on the loo and fear people knocking on the door! As ridiculous as it sounds, lol.

And VenusFruit, I really feel for you too, having IBS wouldn't make this problem much easier would it?

 Hope you all have a nice day


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## shyguy87 (May 11, 2008)

The only place I really don't want to deuce in public is at work. It's very awkward when someone like your boss/supervisor comes in when you are in there. It doesn't really bother me at College because it is real big and I'm not likely to know anyone that comes in. It's not a really big deal to me if it's a stranger and I will probably not see that person again for the rest of my life. But the best thing to do is to wait until the Bathroom is empty, if you can, then come out of the stall. That way, no one will know that you were in there.

The only other situation that bothers me is a disgusting bathroom. I'm not a germophobe, but I've been in some public bathrooms that nobody should ever sit on a toilet seat.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I jokingly call people who are very comfortable taking ****s in public "out of the closet poopers." These are the people who leisurely read newspapers, talk with others in the bathroom as they're going, etc. I think there's something wrong with _them_. :lol

But seriously though, living in the dorms for a couple years sort of desensitized me a great deal to bathroom issues.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

UltraShy said:


> And you're also right that some men (not me) are not at all shy about taking what seems to be the world's biggest bowel movement in a public restroom. You can hear farting, blasting, and you-know-what hitting the water.


 :rofl :rofl :rofl



> Then these guys just walk out without washing their hands! Hell, I'm lucky if these jerks even bother to flush.


 :sus

Well, at work the staff washroom is just one by itself, but during the day there could be people just outside the door... coworkers babbling, or someone training on the computer. :eyes It's too disturbing.

And one time I just went in to put a hairnet on or something, and I had just finished washing my hands and was about to turn around to leave when someone opened the door! :eek I think she was more embarrassed than me, but fortunately like I say I was just drying my hands! I had THOUGHT the door was locked, but obviously not. :eyes


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## harrisonm (Jul 22, 2008)

i dont have this as severely, but i think i do have it. when i was younger, i would have to wait for the bathroom to be empty before going. if i tried to go when anyine else was in the other stalls, i couldn't. for me, its gotten better over time, but im still uncomfortable with using public restromms. 

is it wierd that my anxiety is based around people hearing me use the bathroom, and not just the fact that there are people close by?


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Hmm - the thread's gone dead again. Just to liven this thread up again I remembered something a friend of mine said to me once that I found quite disturbing, she knew this other friend of hers who could not have a bowel movement unless her boyfriend was right next to her holding her hand!!!! :eek :eek :eek :afr :afr :afr 

:lol :lol :lol 

Really, and we think we are abnormal.


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## emandem (Sep 2, 2007)

Anachiel said:


> , she knew this other friend of hers who could not have a bowel movement unless her boyfriend *was right next to her holding her hand*!!!! :eek :eek :eek :afr :afr :afr


 :afr 
im glad this thread got bumped since i have shy bowel syndrome, well i think a lot of females do because its common to think females dont fart, poop, pee, burp :lol especially if the females are pretty :troll 
i have digestion problems anyway that relate to social anxiety so its pretty tough living with them


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

im glad this thread got bumped since i have shy bowel syndrome said:


> Yes I guess every once in a while I have to bump this thread, Im amazed so many people view this thread but yet not everyone is brave enough to admit to this problem. I know it's a very common problem, just wish there was more awareness, help or a cure for it, but like so many other disorders I think this problem is just in the beginning stages of being recognised as a disorder. It's not an easy topic to talk about and I can see why ops
> Social anxiety spreads out to other secondary disorders and "Shy Bowel" is just one of them.


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## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

Yeah, I have it real bad. I have to go in a stall. Sometimes when I do try a urinal when noone walks in, I try to pee before someone comes in to use another. Also, when someone walk in, I use my peripheal vision because I just don't like someone behind me.


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## crazyg (Jun 18, 2005)

I used to have this problem so bad as a kid that I would never use the public washrooms for number 2 at school. Once I had to go so bad, I told the teacher I was sick and my mom came to pick me up. 

Last few years, I've started to feel better about it. Now though, I have IBS. I wouldn't doubt it is caused at least in part as a result of all the stress I put on my body in the past. So, now, if I have to go, I have to go, no matter what. At work, we have a key that only allows one of us to go at a time, which I thought was really a god send. Except, one of my co-workers once commented that the washroom was disgusting. (And that people should wait to go at home if it's that bad) Even though I wasn't the one who had used it, those comments have made it more difficult for me to go again. Gah!


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## zerohour (Dec 22, 2005)

I suffer from this problem, it's caused me to quit jobs, and avoid all sorts of social events. What I find worst is when my "routine" of it is thrown out of whack, then panic can set in because I'm worried I won't get my morning "routine" back on track - and I'm extremely dependent on it. It leads me to worry about if I'll ever be able to hold down any sort of job or partake in the social events that I want to, because of this problem.

I've talked to my psychologist about this and she says an important thing is to accept the problem and realize it's ok - to ease the mental stress of it. She says hypnosis might be effective in helping me relax in public bathrooms. Haven't had a chance to try it yet but I hope to in future.


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## quietman58 (Oct 22, 2008)

Illini_Pride said:


> One time I had diarrhea in a public restroom. The lady who walked in while I was still in the stall said: "Lord, have mercy!" I waited for her to leave because I didn't want her to see my face and comment. :blush I've had trouble going number 2 in a public restroom ever since.


ROTFLMAO!!!

This post is hilarious.


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## Kanes (May 10, 2009)

This thread has been funny to read. Not to make light of it because I also have this problem. I just never realized it had a name. Back when I was a kid, it was worse though. I could go a couple days without using the bathroom if I was stuck with other people for extended periods. It was real painful.

Nowadays, I still cannot do a #2 if other people are in the bathroom. I have some solutions to this though. One thing is I scout out for "single" bathrooms and always know where the singles are in common places that I go. If I am forced into a multiple person bathroom then I will find the least commonly used one. If anyone is there in a stall, I'll immediately leave and go to another bathroom entirely. Also I always use the handicap stall if it is available (although I'm not handicapped). If I am forced into a bathroom with people in it, then I will wait for them all to leave before I do my business.

Another solution is the conveniently timed toilet flush. I once had a japanese roommate (girl) when I was living with several people in a small place. Strangely the only bathroom in our whole apartment was in my bedroom. Whenever she went in there, she would constantly be flushing the toilet the entire time so I couldn't hear a thing. She also left the sink running. I didn't find out until later that this is normal behavior for most japanese girls.

Taking a hint from this I have started doing a single flush as soon as I begin p**ping in public restrooms. The idea is that all the noises are made within the first few seconds if you just let it all out quickly. The single flush technique will not only cancel out these noises but will flush the unmentionables down the drain before they can cause a stink. I have been using this recently with good success. Another technique is to do some "pre-farting" outside the bathroom somewhere alone before going in (this could be your car if you can't find anywhere else). This will reduce farting time when the time comes.

I should note that even though I am a guy, I am very embarrassed about farting in public (which most guys have no problem with it would seem). Strangely I have no issues with peeing or burping however.

I have always felt that girls have an advantage when doing #2 in public since they all use stalls anyway so you can't tell just by looking who is doing what. For guys, it is much more noticeable using the stall when everyone else is taking a piss. :afr

This whole issue is a bit of a nuisance but it's hardly a worry compared to how badly my SA affects me in general life.


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## cclarke (Feb 11, 2010)

hi,
I am also a sufferer of this and its affecting every aspect of my life. I practically live with my boyfriend and this is proving to be a nightmare as i just cant bring myself to use the toilet. Peeing is fine, I could go anywhere. I don't eat to stop the urge, I am constantly bloated, therefore I am constantly worried about being 'fat' which I know isn't really the case. I do use laxatives but even then find I am still able to hold it in for days. I have been to a cognitive psychologist about this n she believes its due to anxiety from having a hard time at school. This is not learned behaviour, this is completly irrational and I just want it to go away. 
My boyfriend is so good about it. He's really supportive and drives me 13 miles to my house when I hold it in fo so long I make myself sick. If anyone has any tips on how to sort this out they are more than welcome!!! I'm doing myself serious damage and need a solution x:idea


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

*puts hand up*


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

LaRibbon said:


> I used to have shy bladder, but I overcame it...


How?

I have shy bladder and finding it impossible to overcome....


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## The Journey (Feb 14, 2010)

Has anybody had this problem in the past and been able to overcome it? (Not just using coping mechanisms, although I will have to try the "initial flush" strategy). I mean, overcome the anxiety that is at the root of not being able to have a bowel movement when there are other people around?

I also have this problem and feel I need to do something about it. I really feel for anyone that has it, because I know how uncomfortable it is. I've talked to two general doctors, a gastroenterologist, and two psychologists about it, and none of them have advice on how to deal with it. My current psychologist suggested trying to find a forum online, so here I am. Just reaching out has been hard for me. I have suffered from this to varying degrees for a long time, but in the last two years it has gotten worse to the point where it is interfering with my life. I have IBS and take laxatives, but as the gastroenterologist told me, if your mind doesn't want you to have a bowel movement, you're not goinog to have one. 

My bowel function has come to operate based on the "two door rule." There basically have to be two doors between me and the next person in order for me to be relaxed enough to have a "full" bowel movement. Sometimes I can force some of it out (I know this isn't a pleasant image and I apologize), but I usually can't evacuate completely unless I'm in my apartment (I live alone) or if I'm lucky enough to be in one of the bathrooms at work and no one else comes in. Sometimes even the possibility that someone will come into the bathroom is enough to keep me from going. I envy most other men, who seem to have no compunctions about making all kinds of noise and don't bother with a "courtesy flush" to mitigate the stink.

I actually had to go home from work in the middle of the day on Friday in order to go, and even then I couldn't (i think the longer you hold it in, the harder it is to go later). I had to give myself an enema (not fun!) 

I feel like this is a problem we can overcome. Whoever takes the time to read this and maybe share some of your insights, thank you.


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## cclarke (Feb 11, 2010)

*Journey*

Without sounding unsympathetic, You are actually quite lucky you live alone. 
I live with my boyfriend and his family.. which means there is always someone in the house so I don't get the opportunity very often to have enough time to relax and go and therefore hold it in for several days, sometimes weeks.

I also don't have a "two door" rule. When I am anywhere where there is even a chance there could be other people around it just won't happen for me at all. It has got to the point now that I no longer have the urge to use the toilet and have found myself relying on laxatives and stool softeners which help but have to be carefully calculated so as when they are due to work I am able to use the toilet or I STILL hold it in which is very very painful!

I too have been to see docs n psychologists and thought that this forum may be of use as nothing else seems to be working. I realise this has to stop because to be honest it's really starting to get on my tits and I'm getting annoyed and upset with myself as is everyone else!!

I will continue to research the problem, the cause and the solutions and will test drive each one and will post anything that may be of any help to anyone!!!


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

I don't like um, going number 2 in public restrooms either- especially if it's crowded. But when you gotta go, you gotta go.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

Illini_Pride said:


> One time I had diarrhea in a public restroom. The lady who walked in while I was still in the stall said: "Lord, have mercy!" I waited for her to leave because I didn't want her to see my face and comment. :blush I've had trouble going number 2 in a public restroom ever since.


Oh wow. THIS is why I don't usually go in public bathrooms!


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## Inside (Jan 31, 2010)

I'll tel you what - i thought of this thread the other school at college - some chick had stunk up the bathroom - like make you taste it stink and I thought of this thread - I don't even go number 2 unless I"m home and these people can leave that?! Some people need more anxiety!!!!!!! And - to make it worse - its common. 
Just thought I'd let ya know, there's both sides of the spectrum on this one - gross.


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## Darkhadia (Feb 8, 2009)

Yup I can relate. Can think of two particular occasions where it has affected me pretty badly. Once in hospital, I was on a ward with about 3-4 other people and as I had a broken left ankle and right foot I couldn't make it to the bathrooms at first and they had to bring the commode in. Suffice it to say I didn't go the loo for about 4 days, until I was healed enough to get to the proper toilets without a hell of a lot of pain. Not going the loo was more painful than breaking my ankle and foot!

Another time I was staying over at a guy's for a few days. He lived in an apartment with a shared bathroom. I went once the whole time I was there and consequently drank only once a day to stop myself needing to go.

Generally I don't go the loo anywhere but in my own bathroom.

Still you've gotta laugh lol!


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Hi,

I can't believe I started this post about 2 years ago! It's been a while since I wrote anything more about it. Nothing has changed for me in regards to this problem. I still tell myself each time I need to "go" that it is perfectly natural and billions and billions of other people out there are also sitting on other toilets doing no. 2 somewhere and that they don't care nor are embarrassed cause it's only human, :idea telling myself that helps a little. This unfortunate problem unfortunately is all in the mind and I really don't believe it will cure until we can really let go of ourselves comfortably.


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## neurotic1 (May 17, 2009)

*Why you don't answer your phone in a public bathroom*

http://www.****tystories.com
All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent co-workers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of *** cleansing fibre cereal,
following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell.

As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for the wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign
proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about togo.

I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:

1. Occupied.
2. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to theoccupied one.
3. **** smeared on seat.
4. **** and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered onseat.
5. No toilet paper, no stall door, something growing near base of toilet.

Public Bathroom Stalls

Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped my trousers and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful ****ter. I wasn't
happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a
cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. ****ter was blathering to Mrs.
****ter about the ****ty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish.

As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My *** let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other
hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude - a cross between the sound
of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:
(1) The next-door conversation had ceased
(2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come
(3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.

It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots,
and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.

Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little ****tles of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go&#8230; horrible&#8230; throw up&#8230; in my mouth&#8230; not&#8230; make it&#8230; tell the kids&#8230; love them&#8230; oh God&#8230;" followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My ****-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was
thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the
bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous ****-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to **** in public - and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the latrine.

And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

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## SevenDekoy (Jun 10, 2010)

*Yo*

I have both shy bowel syndrome and urinary symdrome ever since i swallowed those little 5 antibiotic pills but i got used to it but it still is a problem till this day though


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

I wouldn't consider this a bowel syndrome, it sounds mental more than physical to me. But yeah, a lot of people with SA are shy when it comes to where they go.

I have IBS, and i actually get pain in the stomach when i am nervous.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Well, I have some trouble today - Lactose intolerance kicking in again.
I always use potty protection papers, and put toilet paper in the bowl before going. Works every time.

"Lord, have mercy" - hilarious! :lol


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I had to go number 2 while in the midst of an exam. I ran to the washroom and they had some security guard follow me. He kept bothering me while I had "D" and kept asking me if I was done yet. So embarrassing!.


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## Apache123 (Jul 7, 2011)

I am in my 30's and have had trouble with this my whole life. Didn't think anyone else did too.. It's nice to know I am not the only one. I have put together an emergency kit for myself just in case I have to go in public and absolutely cannot make it home. I carry alcohol wipes, antibacterial gel (with a nice smell) and spray, charmin wipes.  
I am SA and am unable to go out in public places by myself.


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## Euphrosina (Jul 8, 2011)

I *Hate *and will avoid public toilets whenever I can I have never actually "Been" to the toilet at school not even once , Ive sort of trained myself to wait util I get home, and always go before leaving my house, Im dont like going anywhere but my house, and also try to hide the noise, Its really hard at sleepovers , or holidays, I just wait as long as I can, until I HAVE to go...


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I have a problem doing anything when there is someone in the stall next to me. Usually I can't pee unless they're gone and the bathroom is empty. I can never take a crap in a public bathroom and typically wait until I get home so I can lock myself and turn on the fan.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I've only crapped in public bathrooms 2 or 3 times in my life, so I don't know if I have that. But if I use the urinals, I freeze up and can't piss if there is someone next to me. One time last year this happened: I was at a urinal, and a guy came to use the one next to me, and I froze up and couldn't go. But the same thing happened to him, because I didn't hear any noise. So we were both just standing there in utter silence for at least half a minute, and I just wanted to die. I was begging my bladder to relax and let something come out, but it didn't. Finally the other guy started peeing and broke the tension a bit, but I still couldn't, so I just packed it up, washed my hands and went to a different bathroom.


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## miss congeniality (Jul 13, 2011)

*I understand*

I've had this problem for years. It has gotten to the point that I am sitting at home and have chosen to work during vacation while my fiance is away visiting and staying with his family for 2 weeks.
My reasoning to him was that it would cost too much to take the time off, difficult to find a babysitter for a 17 year old, and won't leave my son alone to have wild parties, plus who would remember to feed the cats? All good reasons but the main reason is that there is NO WAY I could stay in anyone's house and have a bowel movement. The only place I can go is in my own home when no one is here, sometimes when everyone is asleep. After 4 days of not going I feel ill, fat, can't eat and have terrible stomach pain. The thought of going away for 2 weeks is not even an option at this point. I'm missing out, my family is missing out because of this problem. I know and acknowledge it's psychological. I eat all whole grains, lots of veg, fresh fruit, water galore. At home I have no problem. Away from home the "go switch shuts off". Is there any help for this?


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Thanks for the continued replies after almost 3 years of posting about this embarrassing subject. Unfortunately I have still not found a cure and I have had this problem since I was a teenager! 

I think more doctors need to be aware of this problem so that they can eventually find a cure for the next generation down the track. There really isn't much therapy available out there for this. Yes it is psychological and I think it may be more common in women than men.

If anyone has any solutions or any way they can offer advice on how to deal with this horrid problem please post. Any suggestion is better than nothing at all!


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Could be worse. You could crap yourself when you are nervous...


ಠ‿ಠ


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

mcnabj said:


> Well if I need to duece its got to be at my house. The comforts of my toilet are well ingrained in my head. I feel safe and very at ease. I think a lot of people are like this.


that's how i approach it. some things should just not be done in public restrooms. i just make sure i go before going anywhere, and isolating myself before going. i always get uncomfortable when i have to pee in the public toilets and there's someone dropping it in the next stall or a few over.

in short: do the bidness at home. public toilets should be #1 only, with an area outside the venue designated for #2's


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

I have heard of this shy bowel thing as well, but since Ive managed to avoid needing to do this in a public toilet, I dont know if I can go or not ( i think I could lol)

I hate also having to use public toilets and can only pi*s in the cubicle in a toilet.
I absolutely cant go in the disgusting urinal thing.

Last week we were visiting a museum to pass some time, when before we were leaving, i needed to go for a p*ss.

The room was empty, and sure as heck there was some bozo in the cubical, the door locked and the other cubicle out of bloody order...!!!!

I though 'I could risk the urinal thing' (and try and probably fail to go), but i thought the other person in the cubicle is bound to finish soon.....he didn't, i spent a few minutes having to wander around the room like a weirdo( having avoiding my reflection in the bloody mirrors as well), then some bloke walks in, goes straight to the urinal and starts to go.........now I have to go round the corner and use the excuse of washing my hands so the guy doesn't think I'm some sort of weirdo guy hanging about in a public toilet.
By now Id been in there too long, the guy in the cubicle STILL in there and I had to leave without managing to pi*s...........

I ALWAYS seem to get grief when needing to use a public toilet.grrrrrr


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## GlamorousGal (Nov 10, 2011)

omg I thought I was the only one!
I have shy bowel syndrome but not in public washrooms ( I never go #2 in PW anyways ) but when I go to peoples houses..
I just can't have a bowel because I'm afraid they'll think im gross or something lol


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## Paranoid of Spies (Nov 3, 2011)

I used to have this problem when i was younger, but I don't anymore, though I feel a little uncomfortable when I im next to someone in a urinal


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## wootmehver (Oct 18, 2007)

I don't like it when someone is in the stall right next to me, especially if they go there when there are other stalls available.

I don't like to have people hear my "gas eruption" phase before the solids are pushed out. I am amazed that some people can just plop right down on the comode and sound like fireworks going off and not be embarrassed at all. In my case I usually wait for someone to flush their comode before I begin squeezing so I can use the flushing sound to cover up the sound of my farts.


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## JustKittenRightMeow (Jul 25, 2011)

I use to be mortified at using public toilets but now I don't care as much. Public restrooms are so beyond disgusting but when you gotta go, you gotta go. If it's number 2, the courtesy flush is a big help and that's when you just let it all out LOL. I've learned over the past few years that...Everyone poops..everyone pees...If they don't want to hear other people do that, then they can stay away from restrooms. If it's one of those one toilet bathrooms like at most small restaurants or stores, I try my best to wait. I hate convenience store bathrooms because I remember when I was thirteen, I went to pee pee and the lock to the door got stuck so I had to wait in there for a half an hour while the manager tried to fix it LOL. I have learned that if I have to go real bad, I just do it. I've honestly crapped my pants a few times due to me being too afraid to use the bathroom.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

There are a few studies suggesting a relationship between anxiety, introversion and IBS/shy bowel syndrome (parcopresis). Although the latter is less recognized and is often kind of lumped in with SAD. I got stuck with both shy bowel and IBS (when there's a change in my routine). In public, I can go but I have to be in an isolated washroom that's superclean and away from all traffic. I usually search and find one, so I know where to go. And it kind of becomes my "home" away from home. I often hide there to escape any noisy environment. I can't go or I have a very difficult time going if someone is beside me or if it's not very clean. I even wait until they finish so they don't see me coming out of the tolilet, even if I go first. It's as if I'm worried that them knowing that I go to the toilet makes me look "weaker"/less cool? I also have many dreams where I need to go but the toliet is all skuzzy and I get really anxious/grossed out in my dreams. I think it's related very closely to performance anxiety and BDD, to be honest. Then again, from a survival point of view, I can see why it may have been useful to not do such stuff around other people or animals because you are a lot more vulnerable with your pants down. So maybe we're the normal ones from a survival point of view but we can't inhibit this seemingly useful tendency.

*Shhittt doesn't happen-Lifting the lid on Shy Bowel*

http://www.shybowel.com/Documents/book.pdf

*Parcopresis*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parcopresis


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## adrian1980uk (Apr 22, 2012)

I Suffer too, can only do it at home and even then the house has to be empty or at the very minimum on another floor. I always try to make sure the house is empty so I can't be interupted because if I hear someone thats it, its impossible for me to go. It can be even worse if I've started and its on its way out, kinda gets stuck then and I have to suck it back up and omg is that painful!! Its then a few hours of feeling sick and stomach ache before I can even try again. 

I have been known to go on holiday for a week and have to hold it till I get home so by the time I get to day 5 or 6 I'm really bloated and feel bad.


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## nylady (Apr 22, 2012)

I hate going in public bathrooms as well, so don't worry...you're not alone. If odor worries you the most, there is a very effective product that Amazon carries called with a very funny name "Poo Pourri" that's supposed to be very effective in eliminating any embarrassing bathroom odor. If you read the user reviews on Amazon, it will give you a better idea about it. I've never tried it, but I'm thinking about getting it because we have a big family. Some of the comments are hilarious too. I've always believed humor can help us cope with our fears.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*no comment*

I like this thread, tho....good thread, i say.

:blush


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

adrian1980uk said:


> I Suffer too, can only do it at home and even then the house has to be empty or at the very minimum on another floor. I always try to make sure the house is empty so I can't be interupted because if I hear someone thats it, its impossible for me to go. It can be even worse if I've started and its on its way out, kinda gets stuck then and I have to suck it back up and omg is that painful!! Its then a few hours of feeling sick and stomach ache before I can even try again.
> 
> I have been known to go on holiday for a week and have to hold it till I get home so by the time I get to day 5 or 6 I'm really bloated and feel bad.


Holding it in for that long could end you up in a hospital for septic problems. :afr



nylady said:


> I hate going in public bathrooms as well, so don't worry...you're not alone. If odor worries you the most, there is a very effective product that Amazon carries called with a very funny name "Poo Pourri" that's supposed to be very effective in eliminating any embarrassing bathroom odor. If you read the user reviews on Amazon, it will give you a better idea about it. I've never tried it, but I'm thinking about getting it because we have a big family. Some of the comments are hilarious too. I've always believed humor can help us cope with our fears.


 That's a new one - it should be something that does not make noise or be affiliated with the water. :stu

Use toilet paper to cover the seat if potty protection papers are not available - THEN, put a layer of toilet paper in the bowl to muflle with kerplunk and prevent splashback.



mzmz said:


> I like this thread, tho....good thread, i say.
> 
> :blush


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## nylady (Apr 22, 2012)

Originally posted by *millenniumman75*


> That's a new one - it should be something that does not make noise or be
> affiliated with the water.
> 
> Use toilet paper to cover the seat if potty protection papers are not
> ...


Your toilet paper idea is excellent! Yes, apparently that product I posted about is sprayed into the toilet. I think it comes in other forms as well. I would post the link, but I don't know if that is allowed.

Cheers,
nylady


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## ShylyPolite (Apr 17, 2012)

mcnabj said:


> Well if I need to duece its got to be at my house. The comforts of my toilet are well ingrained in my head. I feel safe and very at ease. I think a lot of people are like this.


Same, if the bathroom isn't familiar I can't go. It's weird, I'm not consciously holding it in. I can't pee in public. I can pee at my friends houses, but only if it's just my friend in the house and the tap is running. But dookie? Nowhere but home.


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## adrian1980uk (Apr 22, 2012)

ShylyPolite said:


> Same, if the bathroom isn't familiar I can't go. It's weird, I'm not consciously holding it in. I can't pee in public. I can pee at my friends houses, but only if it's just my friend in the house and the tap is running. But dookie? Nowhere but home.


Even at home I've sat there dying to go, realy bad stomach ache and felt like I was just about to do it in my pants but the got on the toilet, heard someone move and I just get a really bad pain and can't go.

If I hear someone while i'm trying to go, I then can't do it for a few hours!!


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## Super army soldier (Apr 23, 2012)

I have a little problem with this also. When i have been on nights out to pubs/clubs when i start to feel the need to go i start to watch the toilets if i could see them from where i was stood/sat and give myself an idea of when they were going to be pretty empty and make a dash for it especially if the bar we were in only had 1 or 2 cubicles.

I would only go in the cubicle, as even if nobody was at the urinals, i couldnt risk going in the urinals in case somebody did come in which would make me freeze up and not be able to pee.


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## ComeAsYouAre (Jul 18, 2012)

I've had this problem for aaages and I'm only 19 now .. I googled this for the first time today and I was shocked and relieved at the same time that there was even a name for this problem x) .. "shy bowel syndrome" ..

So yeah I can't poop anywhere else but home or another homy place which would be my grandmother's but I also couldn't if I knew someone was very close to the toilet .. not even if it was my parents or my grandmother who is like a second mum to me ..

When I'm going on a holiday or something like that for a couple of days or even more than a week one of my first thoughts is "How am I gonna handle my "**** problem"?" I'm making up plans on where or when I could go so that no one notices it .. and it usually happens that I hold it in for a couple of days until I get anxious about not going to the toilet to poop could affect my body in a bad way ..
It's not even a real problem for me to hold it in for a longer time because I'm simply used to it and I don't wanna miss stays away from home because of this literally crappy problem :'D ..

I don't have a problem peeing somewhere else at all though ..

.. but what I TOTALLY HATE are public restrooms, especially with more than one stall, because of a couple of reasons ..
I'm a very hygienic person and am afraid of catching some illness so I don't touch anything with my blank hand in places like public restrooms ..
I also HATE hearing other people's noises in restrooms and I don't know why, it's just unpleasant to me and I'm kind of afraid of hearing them in restrooms, peeing noises don't matter to me at all, though x) ..
If I enter a public restroom and see lots of stalls are occuppied I usually leave the room immediately and if there are not a lot or rather no people in there (except my friends, I don't mind if they're in one of the stalls) I usually hurry A LOT, wash my hands quickly but with lots of soap and leave this room quickly (If I'm in there with my friends I usually wait for them outside no matter what they think lol .. and yeah I'm a girl and it happens often that you go on the toilet with other girls lol ..)

I also have a total fear of getting diarrhea, I don't know why ..

Yeah, I know this is pretty bad and I hate having this "poop problem" 'cause you can't help not having it on your mind when being away from home for a couple of days or so .. and the weird restroom fear is there even more often because when you're out for a few hours you just have to pee one time and need to use a public restroom, though it's not actually a pee problem I have, just a public restroom problem x) .. if possible I would even rather go in nature than on a public restroom .. yeah omg, I know this is really really weird and I hope it goes away some time but I doubt it seriously as this has been a problem for me for a few years already, actually since I can remember my thoughts x) ..


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## adrian1980uk (Apr 22, 2012)

hi ComeAsYouAre, you aren't the only one and we all know how hard it is. I've never been able to 'go' anywhere else but home when the house is empty. It can be a nightmare!


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## hopefulhere (Jul 4, 2012)

Try lighting a match. The chemicals or something in the match head completely mask any unpleasant odors. Learned this on vacation with people when I used to have a life.


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## MissMichele (Jul 19, 2012)

*Wow...*

Umm...Luckily. I don't have a fear of using the public toilet, but I do not like to defecate in the public toilet. It's just uncomfortable especially with the "noises". It's also disgusting...When other people use the public for #2. 

I hate public toilets...I wont use one if it isn't clean and nice, unless I really REALLY have to go. So, no. I don't have pee or poop shy- whatever the word is.  Just normal disgust for public bathrooms.

For any advice I have to give...? Um, I don't remember if you said you are afraid of using your own bathroom. If not, I would be sure to use a bathroom that is comfortable for me before going places. Make that a habit. Like you would your pet dog...

That way, when you are out, you wont have to go as much.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

I'm pee shy. I'd probably be **** shy to, but I'm unwilling to even try dropping a deuce in a public restroom.


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## nohemi (Jan 9, 2013)

i am 16 years old... and i suffer from shy bowel syndrome. 
I never really had much of a problem with it until my family decided to move into an appartment. That is when my whole life changed.. see i can't AND DONT KNOW WHY but i just CAN NOT go to the bathroom if people are around its like my body knows even if im like trying to relax myself to TRY to go i can't.. i HAVE to have my privacy and it has restricted me from having a good time at friends sleep overs and family vacations it really really sucks, i get constipated and i just feel bloated and so its worse when i want to go but know i cant, ive even gone to the hospital, my anxiety is so bad when it come down to this... i feel like ill never find cure.. like i wont have a chance to live in college and have an exciting experience for the fear of my issue. I even think about what itll be like if i have a relationship where we move in with eachother its just gonna be horrible or even being pregnant, what will happen?... i cry myself to sleep at times because it makes me feel
worthless. i dont think ill ever find an actual cure.


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## nohemi (Jan 9, 2013)

adrian1980uk said:


> hi comeasyouare, you aren't the only one and we all know how hard it is. I've never been able to 'go' anywhere else but home when the house is empty. It can be a nightmare!


this is so meeee!


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## Anachiel (Oct 21, 2007)

Hi Nohemi - gosh it's been 5 YEARS since I started this thread, I can't believe time has flown so fast!

I feel for you because you are only 16 and you are now starting to suffer with this wretched problem. I started suffering with this when I was 14.

I still haven't heard of any cures, unfortunately this problem derives from our way of thinking. Since I was 14 I cope with it by waiting for the people that I live with to fall asleep so I can go in peace, or I tell them I'm taking a shower or bath and don't want to be disturbed and I make sure I lock the door, luckily I have an ensuite in my room so that helps. 

When I'm going I remind myself twenty million times over and over again that it is perfectly natural, every single person and creature on this earth goes and that there are probably billions of people sitting on a loo somewhere else out there going the same time as me. The Queen goes, the President goes, dogs go on the street, do we judge them? lol.

I keep reminding myself that no one is going to think anything different of me if "I go to the loo".

Does the brain listen and obey?? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

And what frustrates me the most about it is that I get upset with myself even though I shouldn't because there are so many other people out there who do have very unfortunate lives like homeless people or those who are victims of war etc. etc. and people like us worry over something so stupid like performing a bodily function. I sometimes get upset with myself because I'm at an age where I think I should have gotten over this absurd phobia by now. Nope, still battling with it to this day. I hate sounding like I'm whining over it but it can be extremely frustrating, that I can understand. 

All I can say is DON'T GIVE UP!! :hug
Hopefully one day we will find a cure for this blasted psychological problem.


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## SidewalkCynic (Jan 17, 2013)

Anachiel said:


> I like complete privacy, and I mean COMPLETE PRIVACY. ops ops ops
> 
> I hate talking about this thing.
> 
> ...


This thread leads me to believe that your solution would include at least a two bathroom house with one preferably private to your bed room.

As for public services, you will have to make appropriate adjustments for your comfort - I do not believe the general public is responsible for accommodating you.

I am sure I suffer the problem as a man, and I am betting that I gained social anxiety when I was a lone child when my parents moved us to a new state, and I developed anal retentive disorder, and a fear of the toilet monster.


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## SidewalkCynic (Jan 17, 2013)

hopefulhere said:


> Try lighting a match. The chemicals or something in the match head completely mask any unpleasant odors. Learned this on vacation with people when I used to have a life.


It's a different smell - nauseating.


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## SidewalkCynic (Jan 17, 2013)

nohemi said:


> i can't AND DONT KNOW WHY but i just CAN NOT go to the bathroom if people are around its like my body knows even if im like trying to relax myself to TRY to go i can't... i dont think ill ever find an actual cure.


Yeah there probably will never be a medicinal cure. You are going to have to find the private bathroom, and be aware that that is a burden that you are responsible for solving.


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## shygirl83 (Feb 15, 2013)

Hi, I’m 29, female and I’m from Germany (so my English isn’t perfect). I am really glad that I found this website. I have suspected for a while that I am not the only one in the world that has this problem... but it is really good to finally KNOW that I’m not the only one.

Well… I just cannot pooh when somebody else could hear or smell it (somebody using the bathroom right after I finished would be a nightmare). So I cannot pooh when someone else is in the same house (family member, friend, partner… it doesn’t matter!). Usually I go in the morning (I live alone) and when I am alone, I don’t have any problems having a pooh (unless I have time pressure, when I have to get up early and leave the house, then I can’t go either), but I could never leave the breakfast table and have a pooh when other people are sitting next to me. I just can’t relax when some else is around! I absolutely cannot pooh in public bathrooms. I cannot pooh on holidays (this is the worst!) – I hate shared hotel rooms with these thin walls and the bathroom right beneath the bedroom or public bathrooms on camping sites or hostels or staying over at a friend’s house.

I guess I really don’t want people to know that I pooh at all. Which is ridiculous, because people know that I eat, therefore I have to pooh and so does everybody else! This affects my life, because I have to be alone in order to pooh and if I cannot pooh, I start to feel really bad and bloated and I keep thinking about for how long I haven’t had a pooh. It is such a basic need and it makes me feel so bad when I just can’t go. 

I do go on holidays with other people but I start worrying weeks or months ahead – but it would be worse to miss out completely, so I go even though I know I will feel ill after a couple of days not poohing. When I visit my boyfriend (we live in different cities) or when he visits my place over the weekend, I usually cannot pooh when he is around, not at my “safe” bathroom at home and definitely not at his place where the walls are paper thin. I can hear him pooh sometimes (“plopping”) though or smell it… I think he is a little shy about poohing, too (he used to spray deodorant in the bathroom on our holiday a lot but at least, he could go!). I am not really sure whether I am jealous that he can pooh when I am around or whether I am more glad that he never had to smell my pooh so far… (This might be something to think about!). On the weekends I’m trying to cope by eating as little as I can and eating as little as I can the days before the weekend. Usually I’m only having breakfast at a Friday and something “light” for lunch in order not to be bloated on Saturdays. Most times I can manage the rest of the weekend knowing I can pooh at Sunday night or Monday morning when I get home. But it is still really bugging me and I have to think about it constantly because normally, I need have a pooh every morning in order to feel good. Well, nobody feels good when he or she is constipated…

I remember having this problem since I am 10 years old or so. I never liked using the bathrooms at school so I waited till I got home. Peeing is ok, but I avoided it when I could. I remember the bathrooms where really gross… I don’t know whether I thought about people knowing that I pooh and I don’t remember having that problem ob holidays with my family when I was a kid. I remember always poohing when I got home from school though. The problem got worse when I got older, 13 or 14 or so. I couldn’t pooh when we went on trips with our sports teams. I couldn’t pooh when I stayed over at friends houses. I never really thought about it, though. It got really bad when I had my first boyfriend (I was 17). We went on a holiday together for a week, with a shared hotel room of course and spending all of the time together, never being alone. I ate really little the whole week (I have to add that I was somewhat anorexic at this time and never ate much anyways) – but at the end of the week I started to be really bloated and I had really bad stomach cramps because I couldn’t go the whole week. I had to lie down in bed because it hurt so much! I told him about my pain and he suggested that I went to the bathroom and sat there for a while. But I told him I already tried and I just couldn’t… I didn’t tell him to leave because at the time I didn’t think that I couldn’t go because he was around. Maybe it would have helped.
The next time it was really bad was when I spent a year abroad, staying with a host family. I had a really hard time adjusting to the different foods and had digestive problems anyways. At that time, I experienced a time of a large amounts of really smelly gas. That was soooo embarrassing! I felt so bad… and often, I could not pooh when I went on a trip. It was just the worst…

I’ve had a boyfriend for a couple of years and we’ve even moved in together. During the week, when he was at work, I didn’t have any problems going. But on the weekends it wasn’t easy. Whenever we had breakfast together, I could never just get up and “go”. I’ve never told him about my situation though. I tried to find excuses to be alone in the mornings or tried getting up before he did. When I lived in a shared flat during college, I had the same problem; I couldn’t go when somebody was home. It was bad when my roommates had guests over.

This year I will go on a holiday to Italy for a week and we are 7 people sharing a big apartment. I am already worrying about the toilet situation. Probably, I won’t be able to go all week long! I’ve started trying to cope with my problem using laxatives on holidays, but that is not really helping either because I will need a silent restroom where no one can hear me or otherwise I will still hold it in, which is really painful. On the last holiday with my new boyfriend I’ve tried to excuse myself up to our hotel room alone (e.g. having “forgotten” something), but this isn’t really effective either, because “time pressure” is a trigger for me, too. 

Right now, I’m reading the book… I really hope I can find something that will make me able to “go Nr. 2” when people are around.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

I also have this problem and envy people who don't.
And what book is it that you're reading, shygirl83?


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## Tessanne (Aug 27, 2014)

Hi, I'm hoping someone out there could offer me some advice on this subject. it is an embarrassing topic but i dont think i can take it any longer. I have had a shy bladder and bowel all my life. using the bathroom, even in my own home, can be tedious. the timing and surroundings all have to be a certain way so i can relax. at home i could handle it. Now im a college student living in a dorm where i share a bathroom with the 40 other people in my hall. Most of the time i am holding it in for 3-4 days, as long as i possibly can just so i dont have to face the horror of using the community bathroom to poop. I need to get over this and dont know how. friends and family tell me all the time, "everybody does it, just go," but i physically cannot go in that bathroom unless im alone- which is seldom. 
Please, I'm desperate for advice!
Thanks!


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## hopefulhere (Jul 4, 2012)

Hi Tessanne. If you are worried about odor, light a match before and after you go. It totally masks any smell. Also, you could try finding a bathroom on campus that no one uses very often. I found a bathroom on the fourth floor of my college library. Of course, that was just for bms. I couldn't run to the library every time I had to urinate. For that, I suggest plugging your ears while you go or using headphones so you can't hear yourself tinkle. 

I hope this helps. For what it's worth, I feel your pain.


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## nervousbat (Nov 16, 2014)

eagleheart said:


> Yeah, I didn't even think about that! I guess I thought I was the only one.
> 
> I don't have any problem with the "shy bladder" thing (public washrooms are okay in that respect - now, anyway), but this, yes. I prefer to just pretend the function doesn't exist. Too acutely embarrassing. :afr
> 
> ...


Omg, we don't have a fan. It's the worst when people are around. The struggle is so real. -_-


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Old thread but I can relate to this. I have a very weak stomach so I try not to eat a lot. I have to run water in order to go and it has to be at home. I just came out of a mental hospital recently and it was hell. I had such a hard time taking a s*** in there. The doors don't lock, roommate right next to the door, no air freshener, thin toilet paper.........it was horrible. Talk about worst nightmare.


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## CrystalGemPearl (Oct 3, 2016)

Anachiel said:


> Apparently it's more common in females than males. I think males just don't care as much about this, I mean they are used to sharing toilets and burping and sharing bodily noises in front of people (well not all men do but a lot do), lol (I know I wasn't going to say this but I did), but I think when your female you worry more about your hygiene because you want to appear clean and you don't want anyone making any horrid comments, lol. after you've been to the loo.


So true. 
Even though I notice more "feminists", which I seriously don't get.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I guess your butt hole needs its own therapist.


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## CrystalGemPearl (Oct 3, 2016)

komorikun said:


> I guess your butt hole needs its own therapist.


Bravo, Ms Feminist.


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