# Asked a woman at work to be my gym buddy



## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

Well, a little back story here, I'm currently at 100kg, I've lost over 30kg since last year, which is a huge amount of weight, probably lost it a little too fast at times. I did this by eating within the recommended dietary limits, which basically means, I stopped eating two pizza's in a row, big mac meals with extra big macs, and other absurd things I'd compulsively do. I also got my first job ever in 2011, and it involves walking up and down a supermarket up to and over 20,000 steps in a single shift, and that in itself really drops the calories. 

So, anyway, I got down to 97kg at my lightest, but I wasn't feeling as happy as I should because of how non-toned my stomach is, loose skin, and other things bugging me, so I went and got a gym membership around September last year, at a gym which opened up next door to where I work. I have not stepped a single foot in the door since I first joined. I pay $50 a month, and so have spent hundreds on a membership I've made zero usage out of. Only reason why I haven't cancelled, is because I'm that stereotypical guy that has big plans for everything, know what he needs to do to put his life on track, puts things in place to get his life on track, but then simply falters, and doesn't end up putting the effort in to actually get things done. Whether this is laziness, or simply because of mental health issues, I'm not sure, it's probably a combination of both. 

Fast forward to last week. This woman that I work with, attractive, 20yo uni student, she's overweight and insecure like I am, and she also has a crush on me. She's always nagging me to get a facebook account, she even dreams about me sometimes, and tells me about it, lol. 

Anyway, I kept putting off asking her, until today... I just walked up to her and said "Hey, I was thinking maybe I should come and join your gym and we could be gym buddies", and she loved the idea, and later on in the day, I asked for her phone number and she gave it. We've been messaging each other all night about various things,

All it took for me to get from total isolation.. to having these opportunities was to get a job and be around people.

Sorry for ze wall of text, but hey, I like to type.


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## HollowPrince (Dec 9, 2012)

Congrats dude!


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## graymatter (Mar 31, 2011)

A lot of positive vibes here, grats on dropping the weight.

But you need to look at your current and ideal relationships with these 2 ladies. Then be honest with both of them, the last thing you want is 2 scorned women teaming up to make your life hell.


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## SeeMeWhenImInvisible (Apr 3, 2011)

omg congrats, this gives me so much hope <3


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## Soundboy (Feb 16, 2013)

Great going m8


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

You are doing great, really pleased for you. 
Take care not to hurt anyone's feelings here, but I think as long as you are careful things should be fine.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I've got some similar numbers but in another context. I _was_ 100kg at my heaviest and I lost 30kg and now I'm... 70kg! The best tip I have is to write a blog - not necessarily a public one - to record everything you eat and all the exercise you do. It helps to put things down in black and white - a permanent record. And because I'm a statistics nerd. I lost that lot sensibly in 18 months. I also walk a lot both to maintain weight and because it kills stress.


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## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm not out to hurt anyone, but you make good points. The 30yo is priority number one, if this 20yo tries to come on to me, I'll sit her down and explain some ground rules to her. However, I think she gets the point.

The only reason why I didn't fully blurt out that I'm in a relationship, is because I'm not, I've been dating for a few months, but the 30yo is so busy, and some things happened with me becoming needy, etc, she requested space, I gave it to her, and now we're about to talk about things. So, it really is that, just dating, I'm basically still single, apart from going out on dates from time to time, and stealing a kiss or more from time to time. 

So, yes, the 30yo is priority number one, but I'm tired of being alone, and if this isn't going to work out with her, I want to keep my options open with the 20yo.

It's important to note, that the 30yo knows about the 20yo, and how she likes me, and I've made it clear that I don't see the 20yo in the same way as I see her.

Another big part of me is still in disbelief of women being interested in me, as my self esteem is so low.


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## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

Well, hell, after ah.. 5months of dating, the 30yo has called it off. She did so via text message... how gutless is that? I told her, that I wanted to talk to her face to face about things, regardless of whether we were going to go our separate ways or not. 

I really like her, and it hurt so bad when she texted me that, I was bawling my eyes out for a good part of the day, I've never had to go through this before. You think you have it so bad in isolation, but damn, there is hurt and pain all over the place, just a part of life.

I guess it's a triumph, that regardless of how much I wanted her, and all the things that happened, that I respected and accepted her decision, and I'm going to go my own way. She offered to be friends, but I can't be friends with someone so gutless as to not even break things off face to face. She once told me a sob story about her ex breaking up with her via Facebook, and how that effected her, and now she goes and does this.

The 20yo and I have been texting non-stop since I got her number, she is such a great lady, and get this... suffers from depression, anxiety, has gone through some rough stuff as well, we're really connecting, she is telling me all these personal things, I think she really likes me. This disaster might turn into a triumph in the long run.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

bro seriously why would you lead her on like that? now she thinks she has a chance and that you want something else . . not to mention your current gf wont be too happy about you going to the gym with another female. Just read she dumped you, not surprised if it was because you're asking other girls to the gym instead of your own gf


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## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

I was never leading anyone on, sigh, and she wasn't my gf, she never was, we were only dating. Hell, the 30yo thought it was odd I wasn't trying to date other women. The 30yo was basically leading me on.

Don't paint me as the bad guy here, buddy. The 20yo thought I was in a serious relationship with the 30yo to begin with.

Also, asking other women to be your gym buddy, is nothing sexual, it's just that, a gym buddy. The 30yo never knew regardless, as it happened the day before she called things off. I asked the 30yo to be my gym buddy first, and she scoffed at joining a gym, she prefers to use a personal trainer that comes to her home.

In the end, I wasn't going to destroy my chances of being with the 20yo, because the dating game with the 30yo looked like it was coming to an end anyway, she was just way too busy, had her own problems with intimacy, and was always breaking me down about things, and always questioned whether she liked me. So, I kept my options open, and it worked out. If the 30yo was in an actual relationship with me, I'd of sat the 20yo down and told her, and we would be friends, co-workers, and gym buddies, as we both are passionate about losing weight.

I edited the OP to coincide with current circumstances, and to prevent confusion, as I'm never out to hurt anyone.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

LonelyDuckling said:


> I was never leading anyone on, sigh, and she wasn't my gf, she never was, we were only dating. Hell, the 30yo thought it was odd I wasn't trying to date other women. The 30yo was basically leading me on.
> 
> Don't paint me as the bad guy here, buddy. The 20yo thought I was in a serious relationship with the 30yo to begin with.
> 
> ...


why didn't you say so? lol looks like the 20 year old is a better fit and shes actually into you :b go for it. 30 year old is prob banging the trainer so good riddance


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## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

Just an update, we're taking things slow for now, but this feels so right, I'm already so much happier. I signed up to her gym on Tuesday, and we first went on Wednesday.

This woman has had her fair share of problems with depression, anxiety, and other issues, and we both have an understanding of each other, a connection if you will. We're both really opening up to each other about all these things, insecurities, worries, etc. 

I'm taking her to the movies as well as the gym tonight, she also came and watched me tenpin bowl last night, it was really thoughtful of her. She loves hugs too, lol, I'm not used to being hugged, it's a good feeling.

Aside from the whole, wanting to date her fact, just having a gym buddy in general has motivated me to get to the gym, and combined with work, it motivates me to make healthy food choices as I don't want to waste the exercise.


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## graymatter (Mar 31, 2011)

LonelyDuckling said:


> Just an update, we're taking things slow for now, but this feels so right, I'm already so much happier. I signed up to her gym on Tuesday, and we first went on Wednesday.
> 
> *This woman has had her fair share of problems with depression, anxiety, and other issues*, and we both have an understanding of each other, a connection if you will. We're both really opening up to each other about all these things, insecurities, worries, etc.


Glad you've come to a more balanced place, sounds like the 30y/o wasn't doing you much good.

Be sure to really take your time with the 20y/o, and watch for psycho signs. I may be a little jaded in this situation, I once met a girl with "issues" and thought she was just like me, but she turned out to be batsh*t crazy (not the fun kinky kind of crazy, like deceptive and homicidal).


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## LonelyDuckling (Nov 20, 2012)

Just an update, things are going so well, we've been taking things slow, but progressing nicely. Had our first kiss today.

She keeps saying how good I am, and how she can't believe that I'm single, and haven't had much experience with women before. It gave me a chance to explain a bit about SAD, and how it affected me, and still affects me. She just said that it was lucky we found each other regardless of our problems

So, yeah, this woman is amazing. I still have voids that need working on in other areas of my life, but this is one that I got so hung up about, and it's being filled, and it's certainly made me realise that the only way to happiness is a combined approach to combat all voids in your life, apart from those that you have already accepted(In my case, the lack of friends is a non-factor to me, I couldn't give two hoots about having any, been hurt by them too many times.), as even with all these triumphs with this special lady, I still have the other areas of my life nagging at me, and dragging me down.

Basically, LonelyDuckling has certainly advanced well beyond the days when he thought that once he got laid, his life would all come together, like that was a magic pill. Delusional I know, but it seems to be a frequent occurrence to people on this forum, and for those that suffer from SAD in general.


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