# Getting ignored and/or flaked.



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

So I'm trying to contact one of my friends to hang out. I know he wasn't busy because last week I told him hey let's meet up again next week and he agreed.

On the day I expected to meet up, I tried contacting him through texting, calling, and even online. He didn't answer. I tried contacting 3 more times on 30 minute intervals and no answer...

I know it wasn't cause he was busy cause it's the weekend and he spends 99% of the time at home. I know he was around to see my message online because he was doing things online. Obviously because I know his username..

Weird that he ignored me or flaked out... 
I probably know why because he's an introvert like me and likes his alone time. Probably isn't very motivated to hang out unless he was the one who initiates meetings...

My only response back is to cut off contact until I get a response and find other things to do with my time because I believe in the saying that friendship is a two way street.

So you guys have any suggestions? Did I respond right, could I done something better?
Confront? (Though that'd be awkward)
Any other theories on his behavior? BTW it's not a one time thing on his part to "be in his own world like that", but the thing weird about this was we made an arrangement prior.
I'm even thinking that he actually doesn't like me around and was just being nice, so he could passively say no like this later on...

:serious:


----------



## Roche (Sep 15, 2015)

Telling people how you feel in those kinda situations is always your best option. I'd say - confront him and openly ask him whether it's him being "in his own world like that" again, like you described, or him being insencere with you. 

I know that those confrontations are weird, because I've had a fair share of my own in similar situations and I always had second thoughts about actually going with it, but trust me - this is the only way to get a clear answer. Make sure you don't come off as hostile in that talk and you'll be fine, I think.


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Roche said:


> Telling people how you feel in those kinda situations is always your best option. I'd say - confront him and openly ask him whether it's him being "in his own world like that" again, like you described, or him being insencere with you.
> 
> I know that those confrontations are weird, because I've had a fair share of my own in similar situations and I always had second thoughts about actually going with it, but trust me - this is the only way to get a clear answer. Make sure you don't come off as hostile in that talk and you'll be fine, I think.


That makes sense. It's probably the only way I'd get a response, but I have a strange feeling he'll dodge the question if I bring it up. I know how to be smooth about it, I'll do the usual small talk and stuff prior of course. Eh let's see what happens.


----------



## sqiee22 (Jan 27, 2015)

does this happen often with this friend? Despite it being awkward I think you need to confront them about it especially if it's happened before. I had a friend who would do the same thing quite often, looking back I only did get to hang out with them on their terms, maybe this is a 'one off' with your friend but if it has happened a lot in your friendship, be kind to yourself first.


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

sqiee22 said:


> does this happen often with this friend? Despite it being awkward I think you need to confront them about it especially if it's happened before. I had a friend who would do the same thing quite often, looking back I only did get to hang out with them on their terms, maybe this is a 'one off' with your friend but if it has happened a lot in your friendship, be kind to yourself first.


It happens at random, as if I'm a person to respond to if he feels like it. While, he is completely entitled to behave how he wants, I'm just going to ignore him back for doing so.

It's not worth it. Unless he comes up with an explanation, which I know he won't, I'm moving on. I got better things to do with my time.

And before anyone jumps to any conclusions. No it's not a sudden break off. We are not in bad terms. I'm simply treating someone the way they treat me and the way they deserve. What comes around goes around, friends are not an exception.
We can hang out again when he comes to his wits about his behavior. I won't go out of my way to explain it to him.


----------



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Maybe he also has social anxiety. I've flaked out on invites before because of my anxiety and it makes me come off as unfriendly towards some people whereas others could tell I have anxiety.


----------



## hulkamaniak (Mar 21, 2008)

Story of my life, flaked and ignored in real life and online heaps, and probably for good reason I would assume.


----------



## AB1994 (Jul 4, 2015)

I have a friend similar who is a introvert the best thing to do is to not push them into hanging out if they dont want to spend time with you to hell with them there is better friends who would love to speak to you and spend time with you i realised this when i got a friend who actually loves spending time with me and doesnt ignore me, sometimes its in people nature not to get too close so sometimes its better to leave them to it and let them come to you because thats what I do with friends because I always feel like I always make all the effort its a shame really.


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

AB1994 said:


> I have a friend similar who is a introvert the best thing to do is to not push them into hanging out if they dont want to spend time with you to hell with them there is better friends who would love to speak to you and spend time with you i realised this when i got a friend who actually loves spending time with me and doesnt ignore me, sometimes its in people nature not to get too close so sometimes its better to leave them to it and let them come to you because thats what I do with friends because I always feel like I always make all the effort its a shame really.


Agreed. It's already been two weeks straight of me closing myself and of course no communication channeled from his part.
So yeah, as if it wasn't already implied, I'm already just shrugging it off and spending my time elsewhere.
Your post confirmed that confronting isn't necessary.

The hard part is the making new friends thing.


----------



## chessman6500 (Sep 5, 2013)

hulkamaniak said:


> Story of my life, flaked and ignored in real life and online heaps, and probably for good reason I would assume.


I tried contacting you on Facebook but for so long I haven't heard anything. How have you been? I remember we spoke almost everyday, now I havent heard from you in such a while.


----------



## AB1994 (Jul 4, 2015)

I was going to confront my friend but to be fair he does make effort but forcing him isnt going to make him a better friend he will have his moments were he explains why he prefers his own company and i respect his choice the only thing you can do really because it sounds like your friend is similar.


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Oddly enough, I got a text saying that he forgot to check his phone... Hmmm... Might have to check back in a while to see what's going on here. I find it hard to swallow.


----------



## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

Does he have many friends apart from you? And if he does, does he often go out to see them instead of you?


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Charmander said:


> Does he have many friends apart from you? And if he does, does he often go out to see them instead of you?


Well yeah, but he stays home most of the time, so I doubt he does much with them. He does have plenty of online friends I'm sure. I suppose it's a possibility.


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Not responding is so ****ing rude. You made the right choice by not initiating with him anymore. If he doesn't at least have the decency to communicate to you that he changed his mind then he isn't worth your time.


----------



## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Off topic...but i love how chessman called out hulkamaniak on this thread lol.


----------



## tortillachip (Dec 20, 2011)

Happens all the time. It would be nice if people had the decency to be considerate. But that's not going to happen. He probably is your friend, but just a flake because you're not that important to him. I have a friend like this, but I can't hate him for it because I've already got very few friends. I know I'm boring and being anxious/depressed is tiring for others. So I can see why it happens. I don't bother trying to organize meeting up after being flaked twice. But we still talk on the phone occasionally which I enjoy.


----------



## Shogunronin (May 12, 2011)

Friends distant from each other because you either lose commonalities you once had or they find a new group of friends they like being with. 

Example 1: Todd has been friends with Steven since they were 5 years old. They are both goths who hang out listening to metal music. Steven has been getting into 'Rap' recently and has started hanging out with his friends at the raplab. He also has been going to the gym. Todd is now at his metal joint wondering why Steven doesn't want to hang out anymore.... 

Example 2: John and James have been good friends for as long as they can remember. John regularly dates hot women and James has trouble with women. John is a top business executive at his new job and James has now become unemployed. They have distanced and James has sent John many messages but they are not responded to. John hangs out on his terms/when he wants to.

As you can see if you're not a success at life less people will want to hang out with you. People want to hang out with others who are as successful as they are. Either you become a success or simply lie to their faces it is up to you.

Telling them what is up and 'describing your feelings' just does not work..... you're better off reinventing yourself and lying your *** off about how awesome your life is right now.

Although personally I would just delete them from your life and move on.


----------



## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

So a new update. 

So I entertained the idea of responding to his text, but the turn around is awfully lazy on his part. I'd send something, but he would take a week to respond. 
This isn't good on his part because my texts to him warrants a response as soon as possible, by the time it's been a week, the message has been lost and I've moved on to doing something else.


----------



## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

HellCell said:


> So I'm trying to contact one of my friends to hang out. I know he wasn't busy because last week I told him hey let's meet up again next week and he agreed.
> 
> On the day I expected to meet up, I tried contacting him through texting, calling, and even online. He didn't answer. I tried contacting 3 more times on 30 minute intervals and no answer...
> 
> ...


I don't know... I had many friends do this to me, and most of them were no introverts. If someone acts like that they usually don't want to be your friend, at least that is what happened to me... But maybe in your situation its different, maybe he was tired or had some sort of emergency or maybe he got depressed. I hope you hear from your friend soon.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Ignore people who flake and ignore you back, meet new people and form new friends. 

I even prefer genuine acquaintances over fake friends anytime. 

There's a sea of people out there y'know.


Eventually your brain will get tired of mind games and you will become more desensitized to social rejection, especially from shallow individuals. Why would you desire validation from judgmental people anyways when there are others out there who would appreciate your talents? Time is better spent with them.


----------

