# Friends who have difficulty expressing emotions?



## Vade (Mar 11, 2006)

There's something that has greatly been troubling me concerning a friend that I made a few months ago: he seems to have a lot of difficulty expressing his emotions, which makes me a little nervous/wary when I approach him (even if I'd only approach him once in a day just to chat, for example, I would feel like I'm bothering him). He either displays happiness or he is very silent, with *nothing* in between; I've *never* seen him express any other kind of emotion. This makes me believe that he keeps a lot of his anger, embarrassment, frustration, sadness, etc. within him, and it sort of bothers me that he seems to go through life this way. He's the calmest person I've ever seen in my life. I don't know if his demeanor can be attributed to his upbringing or not (he grew up in a conservative rural area), but it could certainly be a factor.

Yesterday evening, out of concern for him, I knocked on his door and told him that if he was ever going through something and needed to talk someone he could always come to me. His body language was that of ambivalence, but he replied with a simple "Thanks" and a smile. Again, this encounter was very emotionless on his part, but I definitely showed concern and empathy.

I'm really not sure what to do. Has anyone ever had friends that expressed this sort of behavior?


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

I had a friend sort of like this. I couldn't talk to her about anything personal, just superfiscal stuff like "How was class today?" and "See any good movies lately?" She was very nice, but it was frustrating at times. When I would mention problems I had with my family, she would get uncomfortable and change the subject. When I mentioned frustrations with my shyness, she also changed the subject. She wouldn't mention any problems she had either. Perhaps she felt uncomfortable getting too close with anyone. It seemed like she repressed a lot of emotions.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I think I come across much like him. I even try to stop myself from smiling or laughing, wouldn't dare show anger to someone, and am highly uncomfortable talking about how I feel even with friends... it's all part of SA to me I think. Sure you're not jumping to conclusions? Not showing emotion doesn't mean not feeling any, it's not necessarily unhealthy repression. Of course repression is one possible cause of outward emotionlessness, but certainly not the only one.

_Again, this encounter was very emotionless on his part, but I definitely showed concern and empathy._

No doubt he appreciates it. I wish I could respond better when people show me empathy, but I'm never able to visibly/audibly show any in return no matter how much I feel it.

_I'm really not sure what to do._

Do you need to do something different from what you've been doing?


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## catcave (Mar 30, 2006)

I know people like this. For some it is because of how they were raised. They were taught to just "let things go". I think a lot of it too is that they don't like to hear negative things and just dont' know how to console someone else. I myself am not comfortable and feel too gushy when I let my feelings go but I am still very emotional at the same time. I have to be extremely close to the person to tell them how I really feel.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Vade said:


> There's something that has greatly been troubling me concerning a friend that I made a few months ago: he seems to have a lot of difficulty expressing his emotions, which makes me a little nervous/wary when I approach him (even if I'd only approach him once in a day just to chat, for example, I would feel like I'm bothering him). He either displays happiness or he is very silent, with *nothing* in between; I've *never* seen him express any other kind of emotion. This makes me believe that he keeps a lot of his anger, embarrassment, frustration, sadness, etc. within him, and it sort of bothers me that he seems to go through life this way. He's the calmest person I've ever seen in my life. I don't know if his demeanor can be attributed to his upbringing or not (he grew up in a conservative rural area), but it could certainly be a factor.
> 
> Yesterday evening, out of concern for him, I knocked on his door and told him that if he was ever going through something and needed to talk someone he could always come to me. His body language was that of ambivalence, but he replied with a simple "Thanks" and a smile. Again, this encounter was very emotionless on his part, but I definitely showed concern and empathy.
> 
> I'm really not sure what to do. Has anyone ever had friends that expressed this sort of behavior?


I'm a lot like this friend you're talking about.


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

A lot of people with SA are inhibited emotionally. They are not emotionally spontaneous and expressive. 

I'm not sure what you're dealing with, though. Some people are just emotionally flat. They don't have much emotional activity at all. They smile, but it's sort of a "social" smile that doesn't mean much. Otherwise their affective life is pretty bland and empty. So the question would be, does this person have emotions and is just inhibited about expressing them, or do they really just not have much of an emotional life?


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## Vade (Mar 11, 2006)

Thanks for your comments, everyone.

I probably should have clarified this, but I'm 100% sure my friend doesn't suffer from S.A. What seems to be the case, however, as LittleZion put it, is that he's "emotionally flat". There's absolutely no *visible* gray area between his happiness and when he's quiet. I'm 18 with very little life experience and zero friends beyond him, and so I'm not accustomed to seeing people who display little to no emotions; it's just something I've never had to face before, so it's a little odd to me.

Anyway, thanks again for the feedback. I've just learned to tolerate and appreciate him even more.


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## animefan33 (Oct 17, 2010)

i have an emotional problem in which my mind usually feels quiet,cloudy and it is difficult for me to process my thoughts. i usually dont feel happiness or laughter when im with other people and when i do its hard for me to concentrate because my mind is cloudy and unemotional, my mind isnt usually filled with thoughts like others only a few.my face too i usually have no facial expressions i have to force a smile.
if someone can see through my problem and clear my mind i dont know how i could thank you.
please anyone help me i dont want to keep living a life without happiness, i want to be a normal person.


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## Manic Monkey (Sep 6, 2010)

Personally, I have always been the friend who has difficulty expressing emotions.


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## Sloppy Joe (Feb 25, 2009)

animefan33 said:


> i have an emotional problem in which my mind usually feels quiet,cloudy and it is difficult for me to process my thoughts. i usually dont feel happiness or laughter when im with other people and when i do its hard for me to concentrate because my mind is cloudy and unemotional, my mind isnt usually filled with thoughts like others only a few.my face too i usually have no facial expressions i have to force a smile.
> if someone can see through my problem and clear my mind i dont know how i could thank you.
> please anyone help me i dont want to keep living a life without happiness, i want to be a normal person.


It's called depression and you should ask your doctor to refer you to a mental health professional. Good Luck


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

Ugh, my best friend is the same way. He will not show emotion and keeps his private life very, very private (he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend for four months, still won't let me meet her). It's very strange but I've just learned to deal with it and pick up on cues (he'll disappear for months at a time when his depression gets bad, it's always shocking and distressing but the best thing I can do is just leave him alone).


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