# self-gratification



## justinj (Jan 29, 2005)

Does anyone know of an actual, proven connection between pleasuring oneself too often and not pursuing a real-life mate with as much enthusiasm?

I read somewhere years ago that if you go it alone too much, you may become disinterested in finding a partner.

I am just beginning to wonder, because I do it several times a day, and (SA or not?) in my 27 years I have only had one girlfriend, and that lasted only a few weeks. (For the record, I was just as busy doing it then, and no, not with her.)

I'd like to think that it's my SA that is keeping me from finding a girl, because I definitely have it, but I am curious to read your thoughts.

(And also tips to slow down or stop this nonsense if it is not right.)


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## CityBoyGoneCountry (Oct 30, 2006)

justinj said:


> I read somewhere years ago that if you go it alone too much, you may become disinterested in finding a partner.


I think going it alone is the result of not being able to find a partner, not the cause. I absolutely cannot believe it makes you disinterested in finding a partner. First of all, there is no comparison between touching yourself and touching/being touched by someone else. And second, wanting a partner is not just about sex. It's also about emotional and intellectual companionship. My hand can never provide that.


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## kev (Jan 28, 2005)

I doubt it, but it can serve as a distraction from your problems. I don't think you should quit it cold turkey, I don't see the point unless you're really desperate, you could give it a try. I've actually had the same thoughts as you, but I can never go through with it, I just don't have the self-control. :lol 

Ok, that's just my subjective opinion.


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

CityBoyGoneCountry said:


> justinj said:
> 
> 
> > I read somewhere years ago that if you go it alone too much, you may become disinterested in finding a partner.
> ...


 :agree


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Yeah, I don't think masturbation causes people to have a lower desire for a partner. I would assume that it would increase the desire in a lot of people. That's my guess, anyway. I mean.. even people in relationships do it. It's just something people do. 

It's a good way to pass the time. 


I'm assuming.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

If any, it probably only lower your desire for sex that day. But in the long run it probably increases the desire to be intimate with a partner. Unless of course you fantasise about yourself when touching yourself.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

*note to self.. remove mirror from ceiling*


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Hmmm, actually I think I disagree with what most people said. When I stopped masturbating as a result of anorgasmia, my drive to find a partner went up quite a bit. My sexuality became very, erm _potent_, since I had no way to satisfy it anymore. Unfortunately, that led to some disappointments ops


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

CityBoyGoneCountry said:


> I think going it alone is the result of not being able to find a partner, not the cause. I absolutely cannot believe it makes you disinterested in finding a partner. First of all, there is no comparison between touching yourself and touching/being touched by someone else. And second, wanting a partner is not just about sex. It's also about emotional and intellectual companionship. My hand can never provide that.


Yeah, but your brain doesn't care for any of that. It's a biological thing, and yes, i think masturbating too much can lead to a lack of interest in finding a partner. I know this for a fact because i try to masturbate as little as possible (i hate it), and after a day or so i start to become obsessed with girls. The more i go without releasing myself the more the obsession grows until i just can't take it anymore and i have to masturbate or i'll go insane. After that i have absolutely zero interest in the opposite sex until my sex drive makes another round.

I remember when i was in high school i had frequent crashes for various girls and i used to avoid masturbation so that i could keep that feeling of 'intoxication' that comes with the infatuation. I know a lot of guys avoid thinking about sex when they first meet a girl for the same reason...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Actually, Lyric Suite is right. I never thought of infatuation as a different kind of drug, but....
This is a problem among married couples where there might be extramarital activities (I guess that is what I call it). Whether it is an affair, or a compulsion with pornography, it takes the person away from the person he/she is supposed to "be with". He can always go to Pattie's Porn Palace or something to take the edge off. :stu


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## Optimistic (Nov 4, 2006)

millenniumman75 said:


> This is a problem among married couples where there might be extramarital activities (I guess that is what I call it). Whether it is an affair, or a compulsion with pornography, it takes the person away from the person he/she is supposed to "be with". He can always go to Pattie's Porn Palace or something to take the edge off. :stu


Pattie's Porn Palace. :lol Is that an online site or a brick-and-mortar establishment where Pee-Wee Herman types hang out? If the latter, do they allow self-gratification? :lol

Another way to look at this, is to look at the benefit some couples get when the man uses self-gratification sometime before intercourse to reduce the chance of premature ejaculation.


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