# Depression and feeling like I chose the wrong major...



## z0ellatrix (Nov 30, 2015)

Hi everyone 

All of you here are such amazing beautiful souls to even bother to read this, I hope any of you may have an idea how do I cope with this. Please help me. I don't know what to do.

I am a college final year student majoring in graphic design. I am two months to graduating and I honestly feel so sick of this major. I entered thinking I could make a living creating art. It sounded like a massive dream come true. I entered in my first year struggling at first but managed to get better, and by second year I really thought I would see a bright future in this. However, the reality is that, design is almost nothing like art. It is brainstorming, logic, practicality, endless tweaking and hard mental and physical straining labour intensive work PLUS a good sense of style and tasteful aesthetics. Creating good graphics on the computer is almost entirely different from traditional methods. Anyway, enough about the major itself, my problem is, I grew to realise that it isn't something I actually signed up for. After my internship, which was horrible, I really see a vague future ahead. I'm losing interest and generally feeling that I have a higher purpose in life. I don't want to slave my *** for some corporation and private businesses, creating advertisements, crafted lies about businesses I honestly see nothing unique about who claim they are. My personality and values does not suit the scope of work and it's process as well. Not to mention the pay check is ridiculously low for a college grad entry level and generally a very soul sucking, unfulfilling job, where clients can be really aggressive and underappreciate your hard work even restricting my creativity and freedom which I absolutely can't stand. Has anyone of you guys ever regretted a college major? 

It's my final year now and I am two months to graduating. My final year project is extremely stressful and demanding. It's an Individual project everyone is tensed up and extremely competitive, even my usual friends are fending for themselves and generally we just got isolated from each other. I feel terribly lonely, lost, and anxious. My project hasn't been going well, I have no idea why am I still doing this, I feel so aimless in life, mentally and physically churning out good work to what? I don't enjoy it. I may have good grades and I may seem like a good student but I felt absolutely miserable and people don't know that. I'm working so hard just to prove to myself and others I am not a failure, and for my parents to feel happy and relieved. But deep inside I am down right miserable. I am so sorry for wasting their money. Now, I feel so hopeless and unmotivated, I can't even pull myself out of bed, the idea terrifies me. I just want to graduate. Maybe I will be an art teacher for elementary level once I'm out, the fulfilment and impact makes it much more worthwhile and powerful. I have always been someone extremely compassionate and helping people makes me feel happy. I just never want to be in the design industry again. It's ruthless, cunning, pretentious and it makes me want to vomit. Just fuels up my anxiety.

There's always this general idea that we r suppose to work in our college major field, really I don't want to feel hopeless. I have no idea what to do after graduation. I am sorry to disappoint everyone who had high hopes in me but I just can't see myself doing this as a career. My current problem is how to get by this tough time, I believe I am so close to being depressed, I don't have many friends, I am always alone, and now with the burden of failed expectations, loss of hope and aimless direction in life, I am just getting worse.


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## Prince Adrian (Sep 11, 2014)

I can relate to some I guess: I was studying industrial/product design & do HATE if I'd be capitalism's agent. That's one of my conflicts in college, but my issue was much deeper & entangled. I coped by.. dropping out. I've got good grades A-B-A-B bla bla but I consider them all waste because all was just about surviving, not enjoyment. Only one final assignment to go and I couldn't make myself do anything about it anymore. Just so much conflict within, thrusting my core sense of self. It's been years back now and I'm not feeling like getting into details of it.



> However, the reality is that, design is almost nothing like art. It is brainstorming, logic, practicality, endless tweaking and hard mental and physical straining labour intensive work PLUS a good sense of style and tasteful aesthetics. Creating good graphics on the computer is almost entirely different from traditional methods.


Personally I have nothing against logic & digital process, what I hate is the.. I can't pin it down yet, I guess its about the survival-shallow-high-achiever atmosphere? Oh, and too much mental stimulation.



> I don't want to slave my *** for some corporation and private businesses, creating advertisements, crafted lies about businesses I honestly see nothing unique about who claim they are. My personality and values does not suit the scope of work and it's process as well. Not to mention the pay check is ridiculously low for a college grad entry level and generally a very soul sucking, unfulfilling job, where clients can be really aggressive and underappreciate your hard work even restricting my creativity and freedom which I absolutely can't stand.


LOL do I hate COMPROMISES!



> It's ruthless, cunning, pretentious and it makes me want to vomit. Just fuels up my anxiety.


Yep, yep, yep. That world is disgusting, isn't it? So much fake.

I hope you find a better way out.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

My best advice that I can give to you is don't give up! It sounds like you are almost done. Don't change majors while you are so close to tasting that sweet honey. If you do decide to change majors, talk to a counselor. He or she would probably find a way for you to change degrees without having all that hard work you spent on your current one go to waste. College is tough for everyone, regardless of major. There are tons of things you could do with graphic design, just research and job hunt.


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