# Told my parents I'm not going to uni graduation



## the hardest part (May 11, 2015)

And I feel like an absolute dick.

It's not too late to change my mind, but the last three years have been a major disappointment filled with loneliness and yet more disappointment. I am on course for a first, but it feels like a very hollow achievement. Oh and I hate the university I go to.

Is anyone else is this boat?


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

You should suck it up and go. Everyone here who has graduated has been through the graduation anguish. The worst part is when they call your name and people cheer. But no one knows you so you just get a few pity cheers. lol. 

It's just one day. You'll feel worse about it if you don't go.

I'll tell one thing for sure. SA is the kind of thing that the more you give into it, the more of your life you let it take, the more it will consume. 

Graduation is just one of life's milestones. You should go. If you don't go you'll always regret it or have a sense of shame about chickening out.


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## the hardest part (May 11, 2015)

It's not SA that's the issue. I stayed at home and commuted to my local university instead of moving out and I regret every second of it. I actually haven't been to a single class this year because I hate it so much. My stance is - what is there to celebrate? I have had a miserable three years and it will be yet another bad memory.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

the hardest part said:


> It's not SA that's the issue. I stayed at home and commuted to my local university instead of moving out and I regret every second of it. I actually haven't been to a single class this year because I hate it so much. My stance is - what is there to celebrate? I have had a miserable three years and it will be yet another bad memory.


Don't trust your SA brain. You're rationalizing. It's your graduation you should go. Maybe it doesn't matter to you but it probably matters to your family.

I didn't want to go either but I went.

If it has nothing to do with SA then why not go? It's just a day. You have other plans?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

the hardest part said:


> And I feel like an absolute dick.
> 
> It's not too late to change my mind, but the last three years have been a major disappointment filled with loneliness and yet more disappointment. I am on course for a first, but it feels like a very hollow achievement. Oh and I hate the university I go to.
> 
> Is anyone else is this boat?


I would consider graduation a celebration of "I will survive!"
You made it. I would get dressed up, go, and get lost in the crowd.

At my university graduation, it was the funniest thing. We had the fewest number of graduates because it was in the engineering field, yet everybody was turning their heads to see us - the nerds prevailed. It was like they knew we were going to do something big someday. :lol

....my first job offer was affiliated with NASA as a Computer Science degree holder.


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## the hardest part (May 11, 2015)

****s sake, why am I living a life where I constantly have to do things I don't want to do? I know you're right but I don't wanna go because I know it will make me miserable. As I said the past 3 years have been some of the worst of my life.


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## Shari (Sep 9, 2014)

A lot of people don't go to their college graduation. I wouldn't worry about it.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Do whatever you feel like doing. Don't feel like going? Then don't ****ing go. Don't let other people walk over you and force you to do things you don't want to do.

And to that earlier post about nobody cheering when they call your name, the awkwardness of that moment will scar some people. It makes you feel like total **** when, after so many years of being in one place, not one person knows who you are or gives a crap about you.


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## RandomGentleman (Aug 4, 2014)

iCod said:


> Do whatever you feel like doing. Don't feel like going? Then don't ****ing go. Don't let other people walk over you and force you to do things you don't want to do.


Exactly. Going to graduation because it is typically seen as some sort of "milestone" in your life is a waste of time. Go to graduation if you have a reason to do so. If you don't want to go you won't enjoy yourself by forcing yourself to do so.

As for "feeling bad about not going in the future" I highly doubt that. There have been plenty of times I've avoided doing something only for people to say those exact words. I don't regret skipping any of those "incredibly important life changing events I'd cherish forever."


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

RandomGentleman said:


> Exactly. Going to graduation because it is typically seen as some sort of "milestone" in your life is a waste of time. Go to graduation if you have a reason to do so. If you don't want to go you won't enjoy yourself by forcing yourself to do so.


In real life you will often have to attend events that you don't really want to attend. If he gets a job after graduation and there is some work related event that he has to attend he'll have a harder time dealing with that because he ran away from his graduation.

At some point you have to stand up and stop running. You have to face your fears or they will destroy your life.


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## RandomGentleman (Aug 4, 2014)

AngelClare said:


> In real life you will often have to attend events that you don't really want to attend. If he gets a job after graduation and there is some work related event that he has to attend he'll have a harder time dealing with that because he ran away from his graduation.
> 
> At some point you have to stand up and stop running. You have to face your fears or they will destroy your life.


Who said anything about running away from mandatory events? His graduation is optional. There is no need to waste his time going if he isn't going to enjoy it. Besides, skipping graduation isn't going to make him incapable of attending other events in the future. That's ridiculous.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

RandomGentleman said:


> Who said anything about running away from mandatory events? His graduation is optional. There is no need to waste his time going if he isn't going to enjoy it. *Besides, skipping graduation isn't going to make him incapable of attending other events in the future. That's ridiculous.[*/QUOTE]
> Exactly.
> You're better off not going, OP. I'm sure you're family will understand, and if they don't screw em.


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## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

I don't think you should feel that bad.
In my opinion graduation is something you should enjoy and if your school life haven't been that good you shouldn't feel bad about skipping it. 
I'm skipping my Highschool graduation and i don't really care even if it's something that should be cherished.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

I got into this debate 2 weeks ago. My parents felt shock when I told them that I was contemplating of not going. Yes, I bought up the fact to them that I will not be going. I no longer have friends here, dealt with being left out during my last 2.5 years of uni, and just won't be missing much about this uni. It also meant having to see all my family members (drama occurs a lot in my family as a whole) and all the students flashing off a 'good time' long-term friends. Then the ceremony is a lengthy and irritating process. So, why go?

...Now, I am going. My parents (especially my dad) were with the 'Why don't you wanna go?' and all that sh.t. Well,I don't have any friends here and most people here could care less about my existence. Of course, I didn't tell him that. Then, they pretty much threw in the excuse of it being a 'major accomplishment' to go to. Also, they complained about me being their 'first child,' and they want to see me walk...which sucks right about now. So, I'm pretty much going due to familial pressure and not wanting to deal with the 'why this, why that at' familial rumors. I seriously would not have felt total regret if I did not go..I went to my high school graduation, and I'm already going for a Masters.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Good.

University graduations are one of the most pointless things you can ever do. My parents made me go to mine, and it made me sick how these normals made a big deal out of wearing a £70 robe and throwing a hat in the air. uke


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## littlecupcake (Apr 14, 2015)

the hardest part said:


> And I feel like an absolute dick.
> 
> It's not too late to change my mind, but the last three years have been a major disappointment filled with loneliness and yet more disappointment. I am on course for a first, but it feels like a very hollow achievement. Oh and I hate the university I go to.
> 
> Is anyone else is this boat?


What not going to your graduation?!  Its not a hollow achievement you made it through college. You went there to learn and achieve you did it! I will be very sad if you don't go :rain. This makes me really sad that you feel this way.

You are going to that graduation, please go. Hold your head high and march on that stage and you grab that diploma and you do that dance on the stage! If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I'm trying to help. Also there will be delicious refreshments at my grad reception the college served cupcakes, cookies and donuts along with strawberry lemonade. And these graduations are really exciting. I loved it. Don't let anyone ruin your moment its all you sweetie, its all you! Your professors and your family will be disappointed if you don't go. Some of my professors were proud of me and hugged me when I graduated out of college.

Trust me go to your ceremony you won't regret it. If you don't you will be very regretful. I'm sure college made you upset sometimes, but look back and think of some of the good times you had and this is the final farewell to college. After college you are gonna be a a real adult and after that college is over. Not everyone is lucky like you to go to college think of that way. GO to your graduation do it for the people who couldn't go. Also if you do go you got a story to tell us. A lot funny and fun stuff happened at my graduation, there were some people who decorated their grad gowns with crazy stuff like glitter glue and my little pony motifs it was hilarious they did it as a joke. I saw a few girls decorate their caps with flowers it looked real pretty. Also one guy stuffed his face full of cupcakes at the reception.

Please sweetie this is your moment to be proud. If it helps I'm proud of you *pats on back* earning a college degree is not an easy thing to achieve, but you did it my dear. And keep in mind when you walk on that stage there are people rooting for you. I'll be rooting for you, yes me. Its your special day to shine. Please give us an update please. And most of all congrats and :squeeze that's coming from my heart.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

I didn't want to go either, but I was fortunate enough to have my parents help me out financially with tuition. 

Also, they wanted to see me walk and get my degree. In the end, I couldn't say no.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I'm not going to my high school graduation....

I'd just become depressed, really. Everyone has tons of friends and family who will clap and cheer loud as hell for them when they walk across the stage. They will all stand up and shout at them and clap and just be happy....

Me...well...no friends to cheer or clap for me. My family pretty much despises me so they wouldn't be cheerful either...that just leaves me walking across the stage in complete awkward silence. I'd shake the hand of my teacher, who probably hates my guts too since I was such a uncooperative, shy, and quiet student, and then awkwardly walk off the stage and have people stare at me as they wonder, "Who the hell is that kid?"

**** graduations.


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## littlecupcake (Apr 14, 2015)

iCod said:


> I'm not going to my high school graduation....
> 
> I'd just become depressed, really. Everyone has tons of friends and family who will clap and cheer loud as hell for them when they walk across the stage. They will all stand up and shout at them and clap and just be happy....
> 
> ...


What??  I think you should go, aren't you proud that you survived highschool?. Do you have any other extended family or outside of school friends who would cheer for you and would attend your graduation? And also that teacher of yours is a jerk, yeah teacher bullies are no different from the others. I hate how they always lecture on how bullying is bad and yet they either are bullies or never do anything about it. If its any consolation I hate everything associated with my highschool. The staff and students are terrible well 99% of them.

If it helps, I'm proud of you and cheers. Congrats! :clap :yay


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

I think you should go to your graduation. You will remember it for the rest of your life. You’ll be there with your family whom I’m sure really want to attend. Share your achievement with your family even if you do it solely for their benefit. Nothing is more important than family.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

RandomGentleman said:


> Who said anything about running away from mandatory events? His graduation is optional. There is no need to waste his time going if he isn't going to enjoy it. Besides, skipping graduation isn't going to make him incapable of attending other events in the future. That's ridiculous.


No need to waste his time? His time is too precious to take half a day to attend his own graduation ceremony?

It sounds like the OP is afraid. He has SA and he wants to AVOID the social situation. If you keep AVOIDING stuff because of your SA your life will be consumed by SA.

If you give in to fear it will take over your life. You have to resist the urge to AVOID at all costs.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

AngelClare said:


> In real life you will often have to attend events that you don't really want to attend. If he gets a job after graduation and there is some work related event that he has to attend he'll have a harder time dealing with that because he ran away from his graduation.
> 
> At some point you have to stand up and stop running. You have to face your fears or they will destroy your life.


Yeah...no.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

AngelClare said:


> No need to waste his time? His time is too precious to take half a day to attend his own graduation ceremony?
> 
> It sounds like the OP is afraid. He has SA and he wants to AVOID the social situation. If you keep AVOIDING stuff because of your SA your life will be consumed by SA.
> 
> If you give in to fear it will take over your life. You have to resist the urge to AVOID at all costs.


Even normal people avoid things they find anxious sometimes. Why are you being so hard on the guy? Some people might not be able to go in front of thousands of people and his life will not change either way, so why come down so hard on him.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

littlecupcake said:


> aren't you proud that you survived highschool?


Not proud, just glad that it may be over soon (I'm not a senior yet, if that's what you're thinking)


littlecupcake said:


> Do you have any other *extended family or outside of school friends* who would cheer for you and would attend your graduation?


HAH! Me have friends? This isn't dreamland, bro....My entire class hates me or wants nothing to do with me because I'm such a socially awkward ****-up...
And no about my family. Either they know me and dislike me, or I don't know them, and wouldn't even give a rats *** at that point anyway...


littlecupcake said:


> And also that teacher of yours is a jerk, yeah teacher bullies are no different from the others. I hate how they always lecture on how bullying is bad and yet they either are bullies or never do anything about it.


Nah, he's not a bad teacher at all. It's just that all my teachers hate me because I'm a shy, isolated and quiet kid who never raises his hand or talks in class...And whenever we do things like presentations or group work, I either ditch class or leave in the middle of it...so yeah, them hating me is more of my fault....


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## anawnymousseK (Oct 24, 2011)

dealing with this same predicament. I am graduating next fall but kinda want to participate in graduation early so i could commence with ppl I know (even though I'm not friends with any of em, so im still technically alone in a crowd full of ppl) rather than ppl I dont know at all next year (in essence completely alone). Unfortunately my hard work and honors wont be recognized if I graduate early (which irks me), so I'm not sure which path to take. But now I kinda realize that whether I graduate this year or next year Im still gonna be alone so it might rly not matter.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I approve of not going to graduation ceremonies.

I say that as someone who's attended them.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Mine was a hollow achievement as well. I was in college out of pressure, not out of choice. I didn't attend my ceremony, and it felt like one the first times that I got to make my own decision.


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## LaSmalllFry (May 1, 2015)

You should go. Do it for yourself. Look at it in many ways:

1. You stuck with something even if I hate it to this day. 

2. You finished what you came there to do. 

3. You deserve to be acknowledged for doing SOMETHING with your life. (many people don't even go to college you know!) 

4. You can say that you went to your college graduation. As dumb as it may sound, you will remember that day for the rest of your life and you never know... you might have an epiphany once you're in that cap and gown around fellow graduates.


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## NoWorriesInLife (May 18, 2015)

I agree. You should go. Most of us here want you to go. If we were there, we would be proud of you. Proud for you. Of having stood up, even if it's for a few moments. We'd also like to see you celebrate your accomplishment. College is a big thing. There are those of us who still have not graduated.

Set your SA aside for a while. It will be there after graduation. But for this special moment, SA does not matter. Your accomplishment does. It's more important. Your family would like to be there for support as they are also proud of you and want to celebrate and stand by you during this special milestone.

Take pics. You say that you don't feel it matters much. Post your pics here and you'll see how much compliments you're going to get. From people that understand you. You're one of us. And you make us proud with your achievements. Give others hope and show us that life and its celebrations do matter. Congrats!


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> No need to waste his time? His time is too precious to take half a day to attend his own graduation ceremony?
> 
> It sounds like the OP is afraid. He has SA and he wants to AVOID the social situation. If you keep AVOIDING stuff because of your SA your life will be consumed by SA.
> 
> If you give in to fear it will take over your life. You have to resist the urge to AVOID at all costs.


Or maybe he realises that it's all bull****.

Please don't say you're one of these people who gets sentimental over the most minor things. It made me feel ill seeing all those normals there taking photos that they were going to put on their facebook accounts. Narcissistic pricks.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

apx24 said:


> Or maybe he realises that it's all bull****.
> 
> Please don't say you're one of these people who gets sentimental over the most minor things. It made me feel ill seeing all those normals there taking photos that they were going to put on their facebook accounts. Narcissistic pricks.


Absolutely.


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## Ahmed97 (Aug 2, 2013)

RandomGentleman said:


> Exactly. Going to graduation because it is typically seen as some sort of "milestone" in your life is a waste of time. Go to graduation if you have a reason to do so. If you don't want to go you won't enjoy yourself by forcing yourself to do so.
> 
> As for "feeling bad about not going in the future" I highly doubt that. There have been plenty of times I've avoided doing something only for people to say those exact words. I don't regret skipping any of those "incredibly important life changing events I'd cherish forever."


Lol that's the same logic as "what do you mean you don't want to break your arm? I know it will be kind of bad but hey, would you rather go your whole life not knowing what it's like to break your arm? Common just do it. Better to do it and suffer than to not know what it's like.." Haha..
If I know it's going to be very unpleasant the rational thin to do would be to not go, simply. Besides, graduation ceremonies are kind of like valentines, a made up holiday. They're the only ones who benefit by them because they get to sell their overpriced caps and gowns. Well in not falling for it.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

That's pretty much how I feel when I graduate. It's really not a big deal or all that important. But I figure if I'm not in a depressive mood then I'll just go to make the family happy...because I couldn't care less


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## Dunban (Dec 30, 2012)

I'm graduating this June and I wasn't planning on going to the ceremony since it's a waste of time and money. But my mom forced me into going and I don't have a choice. I might as well make her happy.


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## Ryan90 (Apr 20, 2014)

I never liked any schools I went, and even if I did, I wouldn't go to graduation. I wouldn't feel too bad missing out on it, nothing is lost or gained by going.


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## VetChick (Oct 2, 2007)

I went to my college graduation ceremony. It was beyond stressful, and honestly I don't remember much about it other than the hassle and anxiety that came as a result.

If I had to do it over again, I would though. Not for myself, but for my parents, getting to see their reaction as I crossed the stage (and didn't trip/stumble or do any wierd stuff I was paranoid about) was worth it to me.

The reasoning of "you'll be missing out/regret it forever..." always seems to come up, but I don't really think that it is a fair statement. I know I personally skipped Prom, and the Senior Trip during high school and I have never regretted it. It just didn't appeal to me then, nor does it now. If you enjoy those activities, don't let SA keep you back, but forcing yourself to be miserable just for the sake of saying "I did this" doesn't make sense either.


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