# Depression



## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

Seriously feel worthless feel like my life is pointless. I don't want to get in a relationship because I have too many problems and I hate my body acne and my boobs are ugly. I failed career wise because I have a college degree in biochemistry and I work in a medical call center at $14/hr. My intelligence and hardwork is wasted. I'm just going to become stupid and forget everything I learned about chemistry. I don't want to have kids I think I'd be a ****ty mom. I dont have friends and I get cranky being around ppl. I deal with my health issues constantly. I don't have a car or an apartment anymore and Im a slave to my job. I freaking hate my life. I want to die but I don't want to go to hell . I'm so sick of living. Nothing makes me happy. Volunteering is not going to make me completely happy because I don't want to live my whole life for other people. I don't feel like o have any choices in this life and I want to give up because I basically have everything and everyone including myself.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sorry you feel this way. You're really trying and I envy that. Aren't you going to see a therapist soon?


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

im dealing with my own depression right now and its hell so i know that feeling


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## RoyalRomeo (Mar 13, 2016)

Yeah I get this way from time to time. Sometimes depression gets so awful for me I have to be hospitalized. Like Kevin asked, have you seen a therapist yet? Maybe even medication could help. I dunno your beliefs on that, but I hate psychological drugs yet I take Abilify because I am that desperate to keep myself going and out of the hospital. The best way to fight depression is with productive activities you actually enjoy, a healthy well-balanced diet, exercise and good personal self-care. I know all this is easier said than done, especially in the midst of a depressive streak because your views of life and everything in it are negatively distorted. Hang in there, JD.


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## greyandgreenbean77 (Dec 23, 2013)

Thanks idk I'm actually battling with thinking is it just my views or is the rest of the world just lying to themselves. I mostly feel like other ppl are full of crap especially in the US. I don't think anyone is really happy. I could be wrong though.


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## handheart (Feb 13, 2016)

I think that you should searcg for a therapist or a group that share their problems ,also how they fix their problems and how they fight with life .This will give you confidence and you will start again to fight in your life


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## Wicked96 (Nov 9, 2016)

I agree with you on the last post, i think people are most of the time just kind of distracting themselves away from problem. It is good when you realise you have a problem and start working on it. See whats the best solution.
Iv been ignoring my social anxiety my whole life and reading posts from other people on the forum really helps me get the better picture and solve the issue.


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## Invisiblelysmall (Nov 27, 2016)

Lately it seems that when I try to talk to my friends they barely respond and don't make any attempt to continue the conversation. At first I thought they just weren't in the mood, but the moment ANYONE else comes along they chat nonstop.

I don't know what to do as I feel invisible and small, my depression which I thought I had gotten over has returned stronger than ever. As I'm typing this my friends are over in the main room probably unaware I haven't been there for an hour.

I'm starting to lose hope and this pill bottle is looking more appealing to chug down.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

dont sound like friends to me. How long have you known them for ? Do you have one really close friend you have know for ages that you could talk to?


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## umair889 (Jan 5, 2017)

For your problem just visit marham.pk and ask whatever you want from the specialized doctors. you will get a quick response regarding your problem.


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## Brian601NC (Sep 11, 2017)

greyandgreenbean77 said:


> Seriously feel worthless feel like my life is pointless. I don't want to get in a relationship because I have too many problems and I hate my body acne and my boobs are ugly. I failed career wise because I have a college degree in biochemistry and I work in a medical call center at $14/hr. My intelligence and hardwork is wasted. I'm just going to
> 
> become stupid and forget everything I learned about chemistry. I don't want to have kids I think I'd be a ****ty mom. I dont have friends and I get cranky being around ppl. I deal with my health issues constantly. I don't have a car or an apartment anymore and Im a slave to my job. I freaking hate my life. I want to die but I don't want to go to hell
> 
> ...


Sorry you're going through this. It's good that you believe in hell, because that's one thing that stopped me from ending my life. If you're into Christianity, I would try to build a stronger faith with God. $14/hr isn't too bad, I'm not sure what I'll do as I'm on the verge of getting a geology degree which I don't like anymore. I'm planning on being a mailman. With a useless degree. You learn, sometimes it takes hard lessons.


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## SJISCRAZY (Oct 11, 2017)

Its funny you say that. I have severe heart palpitations everyday and i've got used to never leaving the house. I dont have a job or a single friend in the world and i keep thinking if i could die and come back as a woman life would be so easy because no one expects anything of you other than to lay down and have kids. You're looking at life from a male perspective but not looking at how they view women. You dont need anything other than the 2 boobs u already have. You having a job is a big bonus. You're looking like a catch.


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## jakepkdt (Dec 31, 2017)

Sorry to hear about your story. I bet you already have heard of this technique for million times, but it actually helps. It is "positive self-talk." I can tell you are only looking at the negative side of your life from your body, career, relationship, and etc... Let try to write down all the things you are having and being thankful for that. Look at bright side, you have a job, you have a college career, you know how to balance your life by seeking help- that's why you are here. I have been dealing with social anxiety since I was 13. I did not have any dates until I'm 22. Yet, I am still not living to full of myself. I am suffering anxiety everytime I meet people. I was taking depression and anxiety medication like gabapentin, zanax... Even now, I am pursuing my master degree, I have to deal and control my panic attack/depression/bipolar every day since I chose to be a teacher. I wanted to fight with the social anxiety. Life is hard, but believe that it worth to live and all the efforts will be paid off. You can message me and we can share more.


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## 1life (Jan 8, 2018)

Hello im so sorry this hell is going on in your life the people in this world can be really bad ive been going threw stuff like this for 7yrs one thing for sure please stay strong threw this u wont live like this forever u can become stronger like i did u said u have pimples u have to see a skin doctor they will help with that im the same i cant get woman i never had a gf am i wouldn't if i can because i to feel my life is just a mental mess but dont get me wrong if u find a man who loves and supports u by any means stay with him that could be a big help in your life please trust me u just aren't with positive people like me we are around unsupportive family and or friends but if u could reach out to a family member that can help u get a car or for rides please do so im here by the way message me in private if you ever want to talk im here please pray stay strong and yes you are right death or killing yourself u will go to hell thats y death never been a part of me 1love🙏


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## thoughtsdriftinggirl (Jul 20, 2017)

Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault you got mentally ill and don't blame yourself for failing at something. It might feel like life is all about failing but there's always something succesful in every human - no matter was it a way to describe to your feelings because not everyone are good at that, was it a way related to kindness or are you good at drawing, cooking or in some language or are you good at writing. There's always something and you can find it, trust me. Even possibility to be not giving up on someone is a great trait and a skill.

I was never good at school, i hardly ever read for my exams because it felt so impossible. I couldn't get things which i read into my head. I also tried writing notes but still. Though, i can speak english well and write well. I also can be devoted and care about someone so strongly it almost rips me apart...

I have been bullied, my "friends" have replaced me with others, treated like dirt, left behind, been yelled at by so many teachers and kids, i've been called by names, rumors has been made of me. People have been extremely cruel to me during many years. I've had so many friends and this sounds unrealistic, but so many of them in a row has turned their back on me and sent mean messages. One of them who replaced me with someone, acted like i was some air in school and only talked to me near my home. The worst was how she downplayed people bullying me and the actual problems i had, claimed to me that she had worst things - well, she wasn't bullied, she was doing great in school and she had a new best friend to be with ALL THE TIME and she must've noticed how lonely i was on the recesses. 

My first boyfriend abused me mentally. He was terrible. The second one was very arrogant and didn't appreciate me enough. I have been raped and i have been diagnosed with an unstable personality disorder. Yes, i have also lost a lot of faith in humans. I have only few friends i hang out with. They're great but i only see one more often than others because one girl has tons of friends and two others get even hardly out of their house because of their mental problems. 

Lately i've gained weight and felt insecure about that, i also never feel clean enough. I have lately gotten intimate problems and physical problems. I have still a good life but my obstacle is my mental health. I also don't feel like dating never because i really think there is no such partner existing who would appreciate me the way i am. I have weird habbits and my mental health makes my way of living so poor that i have a hard time taking care of my skin or teeth. I don't feel ladylike and i don't think i ever could be that way. I feel like there's always something - was it a hair on the face or an accidental fart etc. 

I have like so many imperfections as well. 
Life is really hard. It's like a constant fight.
But you have to find your way back always to the ground, during obstacles you figure out your trueself like what you want and who you are. There's always tommorrow and hope. These thoughts that life can't get better aren't real. Your life can get better and you can get your spotlight as deserved. 
Every woman's boobs are beautiful and body, that's a fact.

I know exactly how you feel and i'm at the moment battling with all of this. I easily lose my interest and just lay on my bed. I hurt my close ones even though i don't want to. Today i had a fight with my mom and because of that, i made a wound onto my leg on purpose. I feel unworthy of life, i feel guilty of so many stuff.

I wish all the best for you and i hope you will find your strength and something that will keep your legs on the ground! Be a fighter, you are strong and unique. Never doubt your power. I feel awful you feel like this, YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THESE PROBLEMS AND YOU HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS TO GET LOVE AS EVERYONE ELSE HAS!


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