# My Support Group Not Working Out



## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I have generalized anxiety, depression and agorophobia... I went to a Mood Disorder Group about 5 times... It was helpful but have not had good experiences meeting people there. This was in the Lower East Side New York City, one guy I talked to after the group went back on the train with me, I thought he was gay and I kept my distance...he now completely snubbed me the last 2 times he saw me... this week ANOTHER gay guy blatantly came onto me which was awkward...

A cute Indian girl who was married came up to me after the group, I got her E-mail address even though she was married and she ignored me after one E-mail, I saw her this week in the hall and she didn't say hi...

Anyway, if the only people who want to talk to me are gay guys who want to sleep with me, I feel like something is wrong, I am not homophobic, but don't people meet other people at these groups? I only went like 5 times but feel like everyone hates me...?


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

Do u yourself give off a gay vibe? LOL only joking. A lot of people in this world are only out for what they can get, n if they don't need u, they have no interest in befriending u..

Plus the group may have people with SA that are too shy to make the first move so u may have to do it, n is there no other group apart from that one? 

Try get there early and say hi to people as they walk in..


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I actually do kinda give off a gay vibe probably, I am like a twink haha, good looking (although in a nerdy kinda way) at the same time, I am not there to hook up with a guy... I am looking to meet guys as friends and women as possibly more...

I don't know if there are any other groups, I was terrified enough to show up to this one, I don't know if I could handle another one.


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## PalenPretty (May 5, 2012)

I went to an anxiety group in NJ for a couple months, I guess it was. I didn't care for it because I didn't imagine myself being friends with any of them outside of the group. Some people you just don't click with and since I'm shy I tend to get along better with people that are outgoing.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Lots of asking out in these meetup groups. So many people that have just gotten out of long relationships. It can be a drag.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Yea, I think meeting people ends up being the primary focus... I am seeing someone now, friends with benefits so very confusing to define... but I am not terrified of even talking to any other women, I can't screw this up...

Basically, I talked to 2 guys more than anyone else outside the group, I am convinced both were gay and wanted me... one I wasn't sure about, during the group he was talking about "happiness, romance, sunsets, beauty" who the hell knows he went back on the train with me... the next few weeks he completely snubbed me, which phucking pissed me off, I mean at least be cordial... then the last time I went a gay guy I KNEW was gay basically hit on me I was trying to be friendly... An Indian girl I talked to who was married also started completely snubbing me I got her E-mail address and she started ignoring the E-mails after a while...

So basically failed to make connections and feel comfortable in the group, plus not looking to meet anyone now anyway.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Oh sorry I guess I repeated what I had already said in my original post... has anyone else had bad experiences with support group, at least where they failed to make friends/connections? I mean I tried so freaking hard and the harder I try the more people pull away Uggh


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

Guys sometimes can be more aggressive, in general. Depends on the setting. Women can be rowdy and aggressive as well, but yeah, normally when they are drunk or inside a social hierarchy setting if you ask me, in which case it's more like charm, tact and/or grace. I have issues with formal group settings. There is like a social hierarchy or order which I don't understand well, or fit into gracefully. Crowded environments where things happen more naturally, where there is more energy works for me. Like where you can do or say what ever is on the mind, in any fashion, as opposed to tact, and such.

That's the way it is for me. Unfortunately I have no solutions for you.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

MrKappa said:


> Guys sometimes can be more aggressive, in general. Depends on the setting. Women can be rowdy and aggressive as well, but yeah, normally when they are drunk or inside a social hierarchy setting if you ask me, in which case it's more like charm, tact and/or grace. I have issues with formal group settings. There is like a social hierarchy or order which I don't understand well, or fit into gracefully. Crowded environments where things happen more naturally, where there is more energy works for me. Like where you can do or say what ever is on the mind, in any fashion, as opposed to tact, and such.
> 
> That's the way it is for me. Unfortunately I have no solutions for you.


Yea I am actually more looking for guy friends now because I am kinda seeing someone as limited a relationship as it is...

Without alcohol, very hard for me to be even the least bit natural/relaxed in any group in public, even in a support group that generally shuns alcohol while also promoting the use of medication...

Agree with the hierarchy thing, if one exists in support groups, I am all the way at the bottom of the pecking order, just like most other places... even though I am there for support, the anxiety of fitting in at these groups is still very high.

My dad even said to me that you can quit the group once you meet someone... I haven't really successfully done that yet...


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm looking for a female friend around my age but I end up talking to guys more. I did talk to 2 girls in their mid 20s but I don't think I'd pursue them as close friends.


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## anxiousanddepressed (Sep 30, 2013)

I went to my first social anxiety group and most of the people seem to be older, and the coordinator did point out that I was one of the youngest ones...


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

anxiousanddepressed said:


> I went to my first social anxiety group and most of the people seem to be older, and the coordinator did point out that I was one of the youngest ones...


Totally agree, I am in the over 30 group, I am 36 but I look early 20's, some of the people are in their 80's (No Joke) but many others in their 60's 50's etc. Very few are young and most of the older people are not really making progress... or have much hope, kinda defeated, not that I am making progress right now either... they just seem to show up to the group almost as a way to get out of the house...

Debating going back, but with the bad turns my life has taken, combined with not connecting with any other members, I feel completely out of place and don't much see the point anymore.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

In most meetup groups the people are in their late 20s to early 40s. Not so many over age 50 or under age 25.


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