# "I don't want a serious relationship" really means



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

"I don't want a serious relationship with *YOU*."

Yep, facts...

You'll look around and the assclown will have a girlfriend. It's only a matter of time.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Yeah, I've heard "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" and then 3 days later I see that he's in a relationship. With somebody else. :roll

Now this guy is trying to get back with me, but I keep telling him I don't trust him now.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

He gave you a good reason not to trust him.

This guy I'm into started seeing someone else at some point. Then he came crawling back because the girl wasn't interested in him.
It just sucks because he's the most fun guy I've ever been out with, we have a great time together, he has excellent taste in music and he's the best I've ever had...but I do wonder if that girl was actually interested in him, would he have been in a relationship with her? Probably so. I just want to be "the one" for someone I actually like. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????!!!!! Obviously...


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Ooooh...yeah, maybe not a good idea to date your best friend's ex. haha


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## Laicos (Jun 24, 2005)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Strange Religion said:


> He gave you a good reason not to trust him.
> 
> This guy I'm into started seeing someone else at some point. Then he came crawling back because the girl wasn't interested in him.
> It just sucks because he's the most fun guy I've ever been out with, we have a great time together, he has excellent taste in music and he's the best I've ever had...but I do wonder if that girl was actually interested in him, would he have been in a relationship with her? Probably so. I just want to be "the one" for someone I actually like. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????!!!!! Obviously...


similiar thing happened with me and my girlfriend (now ex). her ex said he wanted to see her and we took a "break" because i didnt want her talking to him. they started talking for awhile (never did anything) but then he stopped calling her and she came back to me. it ruins things because no matter what, in the back of your mind you cant help but feel like their second choice. i really loved her too, but after that, i never really felt the same about her. and yea, i dont want a relationship does really mean they dont want one with you. it works both ways tho. i know girls that have said that and then later heard about them having a boyfriend. its just easier to say that then to say what they really think.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Strange Religion said:


> He gave you a good reason not to trust him.
> 
> This guy I'm into started seeing someone else at some point. Then he came crawling back because the girl wasn't interested in him.
> It just sucks because he's the most fun guy I've ever been out with, we have a great time together, he has excellent taste in music and he's the best I've ever had...but I do wonder if that girl was actually interested in him, would he have been in a relationship with her? Probably so. I just want to be "the one" for someone I actually like. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????!!!!! Obviously...


Yeah this guy came wanting me back after him & that girl broke up. Now he says he only done that because he loved me and he was afraid and a bunch of crap like that. I don't believe it and he didn't know me long enough to be in love with me...his best friend told me he cheated on me in what little time we did date. :wtf So I'm sure it would just be the same thing over again if I took him back[I promised myself I would never give a guy a 2nd chance if he cheated on me anyway though--after what happened with my last ex!]. And if he had loved me, he wouldn't have done that to me...it would make no sense to date someone else if you love another person. Nothing he tells me makes any sense.
I don't think we had much in common anyway though...I don't think we were right for each other.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

these are the best types of relationships. you get the @$$ w/outt the drama :boogie


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Typical. :b

I'm sure most guys would rather just **** than be seriously involved.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

meh. sex is better with someone youre involved with


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Am I just extremely weird? I'm asking because I would actually prefer a casual relationship to a serious one. The thought of being committed to another person really scares me. I automatically assume that the person would eventually get sick of me, have sex with various other people while with me, and probably wouldn't care very much about me to begin with. It just seems less painful if I don't get myself too emotionally involved, and that's better than nothing at all. Yes, I have a very cynical and innaccurate view of human nature, but I'm too paranoid to change it.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

If you're one of those women who can have sex without becoming emotionally involved, fine. After experience, I've learned I'm not like that and just having casual sex causes more harm than good in the end for me...and sometimes I can try to convince myself "Ah, it'll just be sex and that's it. No attachments.", but if I'm into a guy, my emotions will get involved despite my intentions not to.


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## ogopogo2000 (May 6, 2007)

I've used the "I don't want a serious relationship" line on guys many times ... and I've meant it every time. It really was because I truly wanted to be alone. Looking back, I wonder if they believed me.


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Strange Religion said:


> If you're one of those women who can have sex without becoming emotionally involved, fine. After experience, I've learned I'm not like that and just having casual sex causes more harm than good in the end for me...and sometimes I can try to convince myself "Ah, it'll just be sex and that's it. No attachments.", but if I'm into a guy, my emotions will get involved despite my intentions not to.


It's not mostly just guys, I dunno but it seems almost even for men and women in my experience... neither seem to like serious relationships anymore. Monogamy is dying I guess :stu although I still only like serious relationships.

Drella that isn't weird, thats really common actually, especially in the younger crowd of 15-30ish.

Anyway on the original topic... I get annoyed when ignored after someone is initially friendly. Like if some woman is all friendly, offers to hang out or whatever, and then suddenly ignores me, doesnt call, all that. They might make some "im really busy lately" excuse but it's almost always BS. It just leaves me confused, I mean howm I to figure out what my problem is :stu


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



Strange Religion said:


> "I don't want a serious relationship with *YOU*."
> 
> Yep, facts...
> 
> You'll look around and the assclown will have a girlfriend. It's only a matter of time.


Realize it's not just men :b

He could be saying that because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings saying he's not attracted to you.

Women do the samething, "I just want to be friends". Or I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.

Don't attribute the negative aspects of humans to a particular sex. Both sexes cheat both sin or if you don't believe in sin commit bad acts. We're all people. Would you honestly prefer that a guy tell you he doesn't find you attractive on a physical or personal level? I don't want to say something that may be true if it means I just caused someone to go home and cry. That being said I'd prefer a girl just say that straight to my face, lol; I prefer the blunt truth.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Strange Religion said:


> Typical. :b
> 
> I'm sure most guys would rather just **** than be seriously involved.


Yeah but some guys have been driven to that. I've seen guys that got screwed over. They were deeply in love only to be crushed by a girl who decided to sleep with his friend or go have a fling. So the guy gives up and basically generalizes that all women are the same can't be trusted and the only thing that is truly loyal is his dog. In turn he goes down a path of sleeping with various women making sure he forms no emotional connection to another woman ever again. In the end he is left empty although at each heated moment he thinks he is having the time of his life. Then that brief moment is gone only to feel empty again.

You'd be surprised to see how many guys really feel they can't trust a woman so they adopt the lifestyle of have fun and move on.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



scairy said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> > "I don't want a serious relationship with *YOU*."
> ...


I realize it's not just men and yeah, "I don't want a serious relationship" could be used by a person when they're trying to say in a nice way that they're not attracted. This isn't the case though, I know for a fact he's attracted to me based on the things he says. He loves hanging out with me and having sex with me...just without commitment.
It's just one of those things...this guy has a hold on me because like I said before, he's the most fun person I've ever been out with and when we have sex, it's like nothing else in the world matters. Nothing compares. We have such strong chemistry, but at the same time, I hate being "that girl" who he randomly sleeps with and of course I'm sure he's seeing others too. I'm just so conflicted. I go out with him Monday night and at the end of the night, I'm sure he'll want to take me home. One part of me is like "Don't do it" and the other part of me is like "Why deny myself such pleasure?" :lol

I'm a mess...


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## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Strange Religion, I strongly recommend you can continue this behavior!

PS: Do you have my phone number and address yet? :lol :lol


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Why am I not surprised I have your support? hahaha


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



Strange Religion said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > [quote="Strange Religion":303da]"I don't want a serious relationship with *YOU*."
> ...


I realize it's not just men and yeah, "I don't want a serious relationship" could be used by a person when they're trying to say in a nice way that they're not attracted. This isn't the case though, I know for a fact he's attracted to me based on the things he says. He loves hanging out with me and having sex with me...just without commitment.
It's just one of those things...this guy has a hold on me because like I said before, he's the most fun person I've ever been out with and when we have sex, it's like nothing else in the world matters. Nothing compares. We have such strong chemistry, but at the same time, I hate being "that girl" who he randomly sleeps with and of course I'm sure he's seeing others too. I'm just so conflicted. I go out with him Monday night and at the end of the night, I'm sure he'll want to take me home. One part of me is like "Don't do it" and the other part of me is like "Why deny myself such pleasure?" :lol

I'm a mess...[/quote:303da]

Now I see the full picture. That sucks  Looks like you got everything in this relationship but the monogamy. I'll never understand some people (the guy) but I'm sure most will never understand me. If the chemistry is so good have you discussed it with him? I don't know how to put this kindly but if he is unwilling to only see you after you bring it up perhaps he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Not trying to be an @sshole but feel free to e-slap me, lol.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

When some chick rejected me a few weeks ago, she used the "I'm not looking to date anyone right now" excuse.

It's kind of silly but I guess it's still better than being told "no I think you're ugly so I won't go out with you"


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



scairy said:


> Now I see the full picture. That sucks  Looks like you got everything in this relationship but the monogamy. I'll never understand some people (the guy) but I'm sure most will never understand me. If the chemistry is so good have you discussed it with him? I don't know how to put this kindly but if he is unwilling to only see you after you bring it up perhaps he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Not trying to be an @sshole but feel free to e-slap me, lol.


You don't sound like an A-Hole and I wouldn't even say I "love" him. I don't even know...I've never had such a connection with anyone other than him.
I love being with him no doubt. Maybe I should just take it for what it is.
I'm quite sure he doesn't want a serious relationship. He's made that clear before.

Futures: One time I told a guy "I'm not looking to date anyone" and I meant it because I had just been hurt. Then I thought about it and decided it was unfair for me not to give the guy a chance so I did and I got f*cked. Not literally, but he was a douchebag. Mr. "I'm a nice guy, but no girl gives me a chance."...and let me tell ya', he was no looker. I saw his ex fiance and she was fugly so maybe he's into fugly chicks.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Yeah, it hurts to find out you're "second best"

Not even "second best" sometimes, it is 3rd, fourth, fifth, last resort, etc. So basically, you're considered good enough when the other options have failed, you're a step above loneliness/or self pleasure...damn.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



scairy said:


> Would you honestly prefer that a guy tell you he doesn't find you attractive on a physical or personal level? I don't want to say something that may be true if it means I just caused someone to go home and cry. That being said I'd prefer a girl just say that straight to my face, lol; I prefer the blunt truth.


I'd prefer the person be blunt with me too. I'd rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not interested in dating you" or "I don't think you're attractive" than somebody lie or put off telling me the truth just to try to make me feel better...because in the end, either way you're gonna feel like ****. So I'd rather feel like **** right away, than to waste my time on some *******.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Prodigal Son said:


> Yeah, it hurts to find out you're "second best"
> 
> Not even "second best" sometimes, it is 3rd, fourth, fifth, last resort, etc. So basically, you're considered good enough when the other options have failed, you're a step above loneliness/or self pleasure...damn.


I'd like to think I'm not the last resort, especially when he's told me I'm the best he's ever had. It's not like I asked him because that would have been lame, but he told me flat out on the phone one day...while we were reminiscing, "I've had a lot of experience (he's in his 30s), but honestly you're the best." I believe him because he's not a bullsh*tter. So anyway...my whole mindset has changed. He doesn't want a relationship, but so what? We enjoy spending time together and that's the important thing. I'm just going to have fun. He's in a band and I'm the jealous type, I'd be worried if he's hooking up with anyone or something like that so it's for the best anyway that we're friends with benefits. Better than nothing at all...


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

Personally, i can't handle these type of relationships. I mean, they sound grand on paper and all, but the reality of it for me is if i sleep with someone, i will have feelings for them and if i have feelings for them then i couldn't bare to think i'm not the only one sharing there intimacy. At this point i act irrationally, leading to me feeling jealous, depressed and even more worthless until i finally have the balls to finish it, despite how painful that is.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not pulling the high and mighty angle here. My last relationship had danger signs and warnings of impending doom written all over it but i still gave it a shot. To date i've been a loser in love that ranks up their with the best of them (or is that the worst of them?)


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

oceanchief said:


> Personally, i can't handle these type of relationships. I mean, they sound grand on paper and all, but the reality of it for me is if i sleep with someone, i will have feelings for them and if i have feelings for them then i couldn't bare to think i'm not the only one sharing there intimacy. At this point i act irrationally, leading to me feeling jealous, depressed and even more worthless until i finally have the balls to finish it, despite how painful that is.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, i'm not pulling the high and mighty angle here. My last relationship had danger signs and warnings of impending doom written all over it but i still gave it a shot. *To date i've been a loser in love that ranks up their with the best of them (or is that the worst of them?*)


Same here and I totally agree with you. I'm also the type to develop feelings for someone when I sleep with him, but with this particular guy, I've come to terms with what the situation is. It's taken me a long time and I've felt hurt in the past by him because I was attached, but I think I'm at the point where I can handle it. At least I hope so. My mind changes like night and day.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Gumaro said:


> meh. sex is better with someone youre involved with


+1. The emotional aspect is so profound.


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Well, it can take a special person to break down some people's walls. We have to accept that we're not always that Special Person.


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> I'd prefer the person be blunt with me too. I'd rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not interested in dating you" or "I don't think you're attractive" than somebody lie or put off telling me the truth just to try to make me feel better...because in the end, either way you're gonna feel like @#%$. So I'd rather feel like @#%$ right away, than to waste my time on some @$$#.


Yeah personally I'd rather hear their opinion. It might not really be a bad thing anyway -- although it may seem more like a bad thing because it's something they disapprove of. Like maybe a person doesn't date me because I'm too unusual, or socially unpopular, or lacking in $$$, or lower class, or too skinny, etc etc etc. All would sound a lot better than leaving me in complete confusion. Especially when it's someone that I would have thought would possibly make a cool friend. ("we seem like we would be a good fit... so why aren't they interested???") Always stuff to learn.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: "I don't want a serious relationship" real*



Brax said:


> Well, it can take a special person to break down some people's walls. We have to accept that we're not always that Special Person.


Yeah, I know...seems like I'm that "special person" only for those I'm not interested in...or those who live too damn far away from me. Just my luck.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Would you honestly prefer that a guy tell you he doesn't find you attractive on a physical or personal level? I don't want to say something that may be true if it means I just caused someone to go home and cry. That being said I'd prefer a girl just say that straight to my face, lol; I prefer the blunt truth.
> ...


Exactly. But if I had to choose between the 2 I'd want the truth, "I think you're boring", "weird", "not attractive", because in the end I'd feel better. Couldn't tell you why. Sometimes I find that frustrating with my parents; I feel like they view you as an attractive amazing person; one of the best ever. Yet they seemed to forget their bias or just want to make you feel good based on an inaccurate statement.

I guess I feel like you get further in life if you're told the truth right away. If you're lied to you may continue down a path wasting your time. Example: you're a great singer. you waste years practicing only to realize you suck

Example: want a serious relationship. when they really mean I'm out of your league. you waste your time on other people that are out of your league because you weren't told the truth.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Strange Religion said:


> oceanchief said:
> 
> 
> > Personally, i can't handle these type of relationships. I mean, they sound grand on paper and all, but the reality of it for me is if i sleep with someone, i will have feelings for them and if i have feelings for them then i couldn't bare to think i'm not the only one sharing there intimacy. At this point i act irrationally, leading to me feeling jealous, depressed and even more worthless until i finally have the balls to finish it, despite how painful that is.
> ...


Just to prove that my mind changes like night and day, this is a part of a letter I just sent to a friend:

"Dan will pop up out of the blue when he wants to go out and get laid. I understand he doesn't want a serious relationship, that's fine, but that doesn't mean he can't stay in contact more. It just really ****s me off. I deserve better than that. I know it will be hard to completely let him go, but I think it's what's best for me. Whenever he decides to write back, I'll let him know I can't do this anymore. He doesn't meet my expectations and it's not like I want a lot. 
The kicker is when he finally writes, I'm all excited. On the 4th I even called and left a message telling him happy holiday. I was over my granny's house so maybe he didn't answer because he didn't recognize the number, but leaving a message guaranteed it was me who was calling. Then I thought about a lyric to Evans Blue song 'Beg'. It goes "I'm so pathetic, you made me finally see it." That perfectly sums up the situation. It's obvious I care way more than he does. I'm sure he can tell he has me wrapped around his finger and I'm done."


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Whatever you do, just try to keep with your self respect. Best of luck to you.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

I appreciate that. Thankyou. I feel like a new person. I'm going to be making some positive changes.


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

*re: "I don't want a serious relationship" really m*

Sometimes, they say it because that's what they mean. I've said it to people, and it was the absolute truth- I wasn't looking for a relationship. At all. Not everyone wants to be in one.


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## opinion_m (Feb 15, 2008)

My ex of 7yrs (off/on..more so off) did this to me. He has SA a little too. He always comes back recontacting me, but doesn't seem to fully feel the same I do for him. He says it goes back to his fear of getting close to others & letting them in. And then a few other problems we had but weren't anything major. Well he keeps coming back to me...... for the first time I'm not allowing myself to jump into a relationship w him. I always felt like he was just using me for sex overall. He esp comes back to me after a relationship ended. So I end up being his ego booster then he drops me. :mum :no 
I have said I don't want a relationship (not serious though, just relationship) to guys before when I wasn't interested in dating them. I didn't know what else to say so I am guilty of this too. But for the most part I have allowed most of the guys to breakup w me instead of me with them. I would rather make it work. I don't usually get into a relationship unless I think its worth making something last & like the guy.


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