# SA makes me look like a jerk!



## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

Today before entering class a guy smiled and waved at me from far away. I thought he was familiar, I wondered if he was in my class? I only had one class before so I had no idea. Instead of waving back, I looked around the parking lot thinking he was waving to someone else. There was no one else but me. And I still did nothing, I just looked down all nervous. :bash

Turns out he WAS in my class! Later on I heard him say about my art project, "That's amazing!" or something. I had no idea if he was talking about mine but I was the only person hanging mine (the one which no one saw yet) on the wall at the time, so it had to be mine. Then when I looked over, he was smiling at me and the whole table was looking at me smiling and I was just so shocked I smiled back awkwardly and didn't say anything because I couldn't believe he was talking about me. :bash

I hate this SA it makes me look like such a jerk. :crying:

Wow today was really difficult for some reason. I would rate this day definitely out of my norm for awkwardness, a lot of that awkwardness went away I THOUGHT but jesus f***ing christ I guess it still comes around.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm much similar, I can't count how many times somebody has come up to me in public and said, "Hey Rach, how are you doing?" and started chatting with me and I had no idea who they were, because I can't look people in the face (plus I have a lousy memory). Almost every time it's an old classmate or even an old friend of mine--and one time I'm _almost_ certain it was my former therapist. We parted on lousy terms, but God was that embarrassing. Not to mention times when people were talking to me or trying to get my attention and I figured, there's no way they're talking to _me_, so I didn't respond. No wonder people think I'm a snob. 

One time two women stopped near us in Wal-Mart and started talking with my mother and it was only when my mother nudged me and said, "It's your friend!" that I realized it was somebody I'd known in high school/college and _had actually run into repeatedly since then in public_. Ugh, mortifying. ;_;

And probably a big part of the reason that even though she insisted she wanted us to get back in touch, she never bothered replying to my last letter/gift or e-mail to her. She was my only prospect for an IRL friend, too. :sigh


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Yeah I can relate to both of you. Just today I was eating lunch with my mom and the woman took her order first. Then while she was getting change out of the register- and without looking up- she started asking for my order. I had been looking in my wallet to see how much cash I had so I didn't realize she was talking to me.

I heard her say "Oh okay then." in a frustrated tone which snapped me out of my thoughts. I apologized to the woman because I wasn't trying to ignore her I was just lost in thought. From her perspective I guess it did seem like I was blatantly ignoring her but I just genuinely didn't know she was talking to me.

It is best for us to try to be more alert when possible because this is far from the only incident where people thought I was blatantly ignoring them.


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## .806010 (Sep 13, 2016)

That's all things I've encountered before-but life makes it ONE step harder on me.

When it comes to men and I ignore them because I've been raped, bullied, have ptsd as a result etc THEY START BEING MEAN TO ME! 

I wish J-h was still my hubby then he could get them to be whirlwinded into a psychological game that makes them understand what its like to be me because he understood. His whole life he was bullied and told to smile all the way up into HS. He was always smarter, and as a result a bit more awkward. He is way more compassionate then most people because of all this.Out of everyone I know he is the most compassionate. He is not a bully. Never was. Maybe a bit jealous...extremely so but rightfully so when we were dating.
Charlie my ex is just a bully. He bullied him. and me. Just because he was insecure and thats not effing okay. EVER!!!

And women-I don't even know how to talk to them because the only lesbian experience I have ever had was erased by my stepmom because she thought it was wrong and shameful to be gay. So she asked her rich brother who is a doctor to put me in gender conversion therapy. He zapped my brain through electro-shock therapy and erased all my memories.

I just have a vague notion now of what its like to be in love with a beautiful, confident African American queen.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

...I just now noticed this is in the "School" subforum, which does not apply to me.

Sorry. ops I don't always pay attention to what subforum I'm in. ;_;


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

@tehuti88 Nahhh don't worry, it hardly matters what subforum this is! I just posted this here because it happened in school but the shameful feelings are all the same whether it happens in school or elsewhere.

It's such an awkward and guilty feeling doing that to people. And to make matters worse I forgot to mention when I had to do some public speaking in that class today I just blew it. It was embarrassing. I really hope that based on the shy demeanor I've displayed thus far in class, these people realize I'm not really trying to ignore them or anything and that I'm just really shy.


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

P.S. Personally, I'm pretty sure I've posted in the 30+ forum before on accident, and definitely the Teens section, because I didn't realize what forum it was xD


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## Parinoid android (Sep 12, 2016)

I see what you mean for me it's the opposite I'm trying to be more anti social and more distant from people because the more I try to be social the more pain I feel but when I see someone smiling in my face being kind hearted or trying to make conversation with me it's hard to be the person I want to be


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Oh well sounds like he likes you. Who wouldn't.






Yes it's really shocking when someone sees us even though we're so socially anxious and always looking down/trying to avoid people/interactions. Some find it entirely seducing and can't help but wave at you or compliment you. And yes, I also feel like a jerk several times when the pull of the past gets to me and makes me ignore people, it feels really bad. What I want most of all is to be okay and be able to talk to them, enjoy life together like little kids do. Little kids always reach their hands out to you, they don't ignore you, they reach out to you with open arms - open hands. That's how we should try to be with others. Perhaps most of us have been neglected in our toddler years.

Yeah it seems this SA still comes around unexpectedly especially when people seem to notice you or try to interact with you, most of all especially when they compliment you. It happens, and this is where we feel like jerks. If only there was a way to feel this coming. If it has happened to you then expect it to keep happening and try to enjoy it and look forward to it. There's always little things you could do like say thank you and smile and compliment them. Wave at them, greet them, you know, small sweet stuff that shows you like them and appreciate them for who they are.


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## fantaspaceunicornz (Jun 30, 2018)

Oh god, I feel the same way. I've gotten into so many socially awkward situations and acted like a jerk without meaning to because of SA. I don't know what it is but there's something about the way people acknowledge you that makes you feel super jumpy and nervous that it overwhelms everything. Kind of like a jump scare that sends you into shock or deer in headlights moment. But yeah, I have my worst days when I hurt someone by ignoring them without meaning to and it's truly frightening.


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## Johnny91 (Jun 30, 2018)

That happens ALL the time so don’t worry.. seems like you’re nervous for some reason? Anything you can think of as to why you get awkward in public settings?


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## JerryAndSports (Jul 13, 2018)

Hahaha yea man my anxiety makes me do some stuff that makes me seem like I don't like someone when that's not the case. I mean I don't really care anyway I've been riding solo since 6th grade I'm in college no way


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