# Physical Touch Advice



## Tzili (Mar 12, 2018)

Hi, I guess I should start by explaining the situation. Sorry if it's really long. There's this guy that I know in my heart is the one. I love him, but he's a physical person which is fine. The thing is that I always freak out when it comes to physical contact. He's been super patient and really great about it, but I know he craves physical touch. I've been getting better at it but it's still really hard. Whenever we hug or kiss I freeze and it becomes impossible to move. I'm trying to move one thing every other time but it's really hard. I have to remind myself that it's okay to breathe when we're hugging. I'm scared that I'll do something wrong because there's some unspoken rule that I don't know about and that I'll break it and he'll be mad at me. I know he won't be mad intellectually, but that voice in my head is scared that he will be and it's impossible to ignore. 

Does anyone have any advice in overcoming this?


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Do you feel you can talk to him about this? If you are able to have enough patience with yourself and optimism that your efforts can be productive, perhaps together you could work through it slowly, at your own pace, such as with controlled exposure where you may be uncomfortable but are able to manage and eventually acclimate without being overwhelmed. I think some people simply like more or less touch even if it isn't something they freeze up about though, so factor in where you actually see yourself, or if you're unsure, allow that any particular _way that you are_ is ok and just is. Definitely I think one of the most important things though is the belief that YOU ARE WORTHWHILE--if this person likes you too, believe that they are willing to help and that you are not incurring any immense debt. That it is reasonable to rely on them a little.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

Sounds like he's a good guy, have you spoken to him directly about this? If he's been so patient, he'll understand what's holding you back, no reason to picture all those negative scenarios.


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