# Not attracted to the women I attract



## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

I've come a long way in recent months in all aspects of my life, and suddenly the thought of a relationship doesn't scare me. The problem though is that I really struggle to date women who I find sexually attractive. It's sort of a vicious circle at the moment for everyone involved, and it's becoming quite disheartening. 

Any way around this?


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Story of my life. Women who are attracted to me, im not attracted to them. And women who im attracted to, are not attracted to me. I tried lowering my standards but that didnt work out.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

I can relate.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ditto. Join da club. Keep going after what you want.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

I'm attracted to females way less than I was. The last time I ever had a crush on a girl was back in Junior High. I'm 27. Most girls my age have kids, married, already in relationships, etc.... I learned not to embarrass myself a long time ago after making the mistake of having a crush on a girl. It's all psychological, really. It's all in the person's head. They are the ones who choose when not to be attracted to that person anymore.


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## Nefury (May 9, 2011)

If you're genuinely feeling a bit better you should just give some stuff a go, like asking out a girl or approaching her. Put the idea of rejection out of your head, or infact, ready yourself for it. Tell yourself you're just doing test runs, there's lots of girls out there, I'm not saying it's like target practice or something but eventually (or quickly) you might find yourself a date with a girl you like, but I guess you won't know until you try.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I have the same problem. Almost all the nice messages I get on dating sites are from guys that I could never imagine kissing. The attractive ones only send me "hi baby" messages.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Yea somewhat I mostly attract the extroverted go getter type of girls not fun well use too......


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I have the same problem. I blame my looks. I'm below average looking so it makes sense that girls in my league show interest, although I don't find them attractive.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Easy, don't **** them. NEXT.


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## Cynical (Aug 23, 2011)

Sounds about right. Its pretty much the story my life.


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

Nefury said:


> If you're genuinely feeling a bit better you should just give some stuff a go, like asking out a girl or approaching her. Put the idea of rejection out of your head, or infact, ready yourself for it. Tell yourself you're just doing test runs, there's lots of girls out there, I'm not saying it's like target practice or something but eventually (or quickly) you might find yourself a date with a girl you like, but I guess you won't know until you try.


I don't like to admit it, but I think beauty intimidates me. I'm not uneasy around attractive women, it's just in the back of my mind I'm far more wary of my actions and the implications they have and thus hold back a lot. Knowing I never wanted to have sexual endeavours with the women I've recently dated in a way brought out the best in me.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I have the same problem. Almost all the nice messages I get on dating sites are from guys that I could never imagine kissing. The attractive ones only send me "hi baby" messages.


Same here. I get messages from men I find attractive probably like once every 6 months, no joke. I'm not even looking for "perfect male model looks" either...just someone cute would be nice.


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## Jesushaswifeforme (Dec 23, 2010)

this year is my year


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Not to be a *****, but you might be having too high standards.

If you're overweight the odds of you getting a toned barbie doll are less

If you really like a girl with a pretty face but yours is not very attractive it will be harder to attract her bc she has more options than you

We can only change or improve so much about ourselves. Go for 1/2 personality 1/2 looks... ull be happier. Get all the sexual attraction u want and they look sexier than the sexiest model alive bc theyre smart, interesting,caring, funny. Most classically attractive people know their power and push others around with it... i hate technically hot guys like that ones everybody agrees... jocks piss me off. My friends dont think nerds are cute but i think theyre the sexiest guys ever **** 6packs and all that... other girls are so stpid to settle for some jock theyre not even that cute they all look the same... brains are the sexiest body part dont u know that?


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

kathy903 said:


> Not to be a *****, but you might be having too high standards.
> 
> If you're overweight the odds of you getting a toned barbie doll are less
> 
> ...


What if your a jock AND a nerd?


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## RavenDust (May 2, 2012)

Lol @ Jessie. Yeah that's usually the case. I've found that usually when you males say attractive you mean fluorescent tangerines on the verge of anorexia with breast implants. Of course, tastes are different sometimes. My point is, usually these "hot girls" are the worst and most superficial ones. Someone who goes to all that trouble and spends all that time and money to turn themselves into something they're not is extremely uncomfortable with themselves and seeking someone considered extremely attractive to make them feel better about themselves and to reinforce that they're beautiful and attractive and is not going to be accepting of who you are unless you are like Brad Pitt or something. The most "beautiful" people are almost always the most shallow. Perhaps you should just lower your standards a little and see where it takes you. You should watch that movie Shallow Hal, if you never have.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

^Uh, a girl like you just described is not what 90% of guys are attracted to. That's just media bull****.


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> ^Uh, a girl like you just described is not what 90% of guys are attracted to. That's just media bull****.


Agreed. Girls should be asking GUYS what they want, not getting sucked into entertainment industry propaganda. Cosmo, The Bachelor and America's Next Top Model might be aimed towards you, but they aren't helping you. In fact, they're screwing both of us over.


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

I can relate to some extent. I can think of at least 3 situations where I was hanging out or sort of seeing somebody (never actually seriously dated anyone) and I really liked them as people but just couldn't force the attraction or chemistry to be there so obviously it didn't work out. But it isn't even a matter of being shallow, if you aren't sexually attracted to each-other then it isn't going to work. It is just essentially friendship, which is fine too. But I think dating someone really good looking might even be a little daunting. 

But to actually answer your question..I don't think there is any way around it, you just haven't met a good fit yet...assuming you have reasonable expectations.


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

heyJude said:


> Same here. I get messages from men I find attractive probably like once every 6 months, no joke. I'm not even looking for "perfect male model looks" either...just someone cute would be nice.


Same here.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Go for the ones you like and "win them over." :stu


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## Invisigirl (Oct 11, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I have the same problem. Almost all the nice messages I get on dating sites are from guys that I could never imagine kissing.


This. Although I don't receive nice messages most of the time, usually just "hi, how are you?" Once I got asked what the heck I'm going to do with an archaeology degree, of course I didn't respond to that one. :roll

I tend to attract guys my dad's age. I wouldn't mind that at all, if I were my mom's age. :blank


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## TeddieAnn (May 2, 2011)

nemesis1 said:


> Story of my life. Women who are attracted to me, im not attracted to them. And women who im attracted to, are not attracted to me. I tried lowering my standards but that didnt work out.


Right, all the guys that like me are weird/losers and the ones I like see ma as weird/a loser.
I've been told to lower my standards but I don't want to. :no


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## TeddieAnn (May 2, 2011)

Invisigirl said:


> I tend to attract guys my dad's age. I wouldn't mind that at all, if I were my mom's age. :blank


Same here! I feel like that's a really bad sign. lol Because I sort of assume they all must be weirdos. But if they seem normal, I don't care much about their age.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

There is a lot of competition for the cute/pretty/hot girls. So yea.
Honestly I don't believe in settling. I banged this girl who was absolutely crazy about me. But I wanted nothing serious with her. I already knew she wasn't the one and that I'd never return her affections. You can't just fall in love with a girl you aren't into. You just can't. It's not enough for chicks to fall for me. I need to fall in love WITH someone.


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

^I'm in a relationship with a guy I didn't like at all at one point. I thought he was pretty unattractive, but he showed interest in me. When we started going out i thought i made a mistake, but the more I talked to him the more attractive he became and his personality was really amazing. So yeah, you can fall for someone you weren't initially even attracted to.


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

Koolio said:


> ^I'm in a relationship with a guy I didn't like at all at one point. I thought he was pretty unattractive, but he showed interest in me. When we started going out i thought i made a mistake, but the more I talked to him the more attractive he became and his personality was really amazing. So yeah, you can fall for someone you weren't initially even attracted to.


Oh yeah, this happens a lot. The more you are around someone you start becoming attracted to them, well at least for me. Very true for me.


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## Kh4oTiiC (May 20, 2012)

I wish I had some of the experiences people like you have had. I've never had a date or anything like that, because I'm too afraid to try anymore. Same thing happens to me tho. Girls like me that I'm not attracted to and vice versa.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Koolio said:


> ^I'm in a relationship with a guy I didn't like at all at one point. I thought he was pretty unattractive, but he showed interest in me. When we started going out i thought i made a mistake, but the more I talked to him the more attractive he became and his personality was really amazing. So yeah, you can fall for someone you weren't initially even attracted to.


I have tried to "give them a chance" and it just doesn't work out. Men tend to be more visual than women. In one case, I was embarrassed to be seen in public with the girl and I tried to avoid having my parents see her at all. I knew that it wouldn't work out from Day 1 and after a few dates, that only just solidified my prediction. Unless a girl has a "makeover" in the future or changes her physical appearance, I pretty much decide within the first few seconds of meeting a girl whether I'd sleep with her or not. And if there's no sex, it's basically friendship. Yes I understand that "female companionship" is different from having a friend that happens to be a girl and I have been told, "when you get older, that female companionship matters more than sexual attraction". But I know what female companionship feels like with a girl you are attracted to and a girl that you aren't attracted to. And there's no comparison. I'm more content with remaining single than being in an unhappy relationship.

Women will often overlook a guy's looks if he's a "good provider" or whatever other reason she thinks is an important factor in a relationship. If I had a girlfriend who wasn't attracted to me but "settled" for me, I would feel very upset.

There is no doubt that a lot of "settling" happens all the time. Though nowadays there is less pressure on to settle down, get married and have kids. Especially for the man. Women are put under more pressure to settle down. Marriage is more of a losing game for men than women. There's literally almost no incentive for a man to get married. Hence why so many of them are commitmentphobic.


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## BeaT (Sep 23, 2011)

If I find a girl attractive I am usually rather intimidated by her. Then I am anxious and quiet and awkward around her and basically come off as a rather pathetic male specimen so there would be no chance of her being attracted to me. If I find a girl completely unattractive then I feel no pressure to impress her and care little about what she thinks of me. So then I am more relaxed and comfortable with myself and confident when around her, basically a cooler version of myself that has at least marginally better odds of being attractive to the opposite sex.

Trying is the first step toward failure. When your game is bad enough, it actually makes things worse. Or maybe we are just trying to date people out of our league.


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