# Any girls who never dated?



## MobiusX

is it less common for girls who are 30 and up who never dated, been in a relationship, etc?? In 2 years I will be a 30 year old male who never had a gf or dated, am I considered a loser for this? what does it mean? I never even had a female friend MY entire life.


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## PitaMe

I can't say I know of any 30 or older woman who hasn't been on a date. Thats not to say they aren't out there, but I don't personally know of any. Then again, I don't know that many people so it could possibly be very common  And I wouldn't consider you a loser just because you had never had a relationship. I would wonder why, but once you told me about your social anxiety and explained it to me, I wouldn't look down on you for it. You have to remember that women who are 30 years old and single are much more accepting of people's faults then say a 20 year old female. Maybe not in every situation, but I would guess in most of them. We've heard it all so to speak. Thats not to say we would put up with bs, just that we've heard more and are open to more. So a man who is inexperienced based solely on the fact that he's a little awkward around women would probably not be that big a deal. Some women might even like it, being the first. If I were you I would take a look at how you are being perceived. Maybe you come across as aloof, and women are scared to approach you. Women are scared of rejection too. Good luck.


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## OneIsALonelyNumber

Mobious, I hear this story a lot from men via various forums, but never from women. Actually I take that back, I do know of one woman who has never dated. I have friend level access to her LiveJournal blog. Her case is very special, though, because although she's very sweet, she's also very large. 

Generally speaking, I think women have an easier time getting into relationships, because shyness in women is far more accepted by society than shyness in men. Men are expected to be bold, confident. Men are expected to make the first move. Any woman sitting alone at a bar is going to get chatted up eventually; any man sitting alone at a bar is going to sit there until the bartender plays 'Closing Time' or 'Margaritaville'.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

^ Oh, you are glad that some of the radical feminists here didn't just see you write that!

As far as single women, I agree with you. Most women end up in relationships, even if they aren't the looks ideal. It's much more common for men to be virgins than women.


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## pythonesque

I have a family friend who only started dating at 29-ish and got married shortly after. In addition to being shy, she's also a bit oblivious socially, and not what most men would consider "conventionally attractive". She's the only one that I know of in that situation. But then again I don't know that many people.

My guess is that women who are 30+ and have never been in a relationship do exist. You just don't see/hear about them because they aren't really putting themselves out there, which is why they haven't been in relationships in the first place.



OneIsALonelyNumber said:


> Generally speaking, I think women have an easier time getting into relationships, because shyness in women is far more accepted by society than shyness in men. Men are expected to be bold, confident. Men are expected to make the first move. Any woman sitting alone at a bar is going to get chatted up eventually; any man sitting alone at a bar is going to sit there until the bartender plays 'Closing Time' or 'Margaritaville'.


I agree with the gist of what you're saying. But at the same time, isn't it more common for men to misinterpret shy women as being cold/standoffish (and be afraid to approach them as a result), than it is for women to make the same assumption about shy men? It also seems to me that the trend of women 'expecting' men to make the first move tends to decrease with age. While most girls my age wait for guys to pursue them, I've known a couple of women in their 30s who have actively pursued shy men whom they consider to be a "catch" in other aspects.


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## visualkeirockstar

MobiusX said:


> is it less common for girls who are 30 and up who never dated, been in a relationship, etc?? In 2 years I will be a 30 year old male who never had a gf or dated, am I considered a loser for this? what does it mean? I never even had a female friend MY entire life.


Me too. Well i do have few female through my friends but its not close and we barley talk or hangout.


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## dust3000

I've never dated. But I don't know if I'm relationship-inclined.
At the least, I am emotionally/socially screwed up. So I don't think I count.
Maybe in two years, things could change. But it's not happening any time soon.


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## gomenne

I hate how we humans are so programmed to be around people. 
Why do we need people so much ?
I say screw it we can live without other humans. 






Not really actually -_-
Why cant scientists invent some medicine or something to make us less needy of people ?? seriously, that would be the answer to all problems in life.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

The answer to everything is sex. Honestly.

Sex makes the world go round.


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## millenniumman75

^Sex can also mess everything up!


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## awkwardsilent

Trust me lately I'm just trying to be positive and not focus on the things that make me feel like a total misfit so I try not to dwell on this too much, but yes, never having even been on a single date makes me feel that way. 

I have the combo of being shy/socially awkward and being physically unnatractive to the majority of the population. Even if I was the most bubbly super outgoing person ever I would probably have a bit of trouble finding dates. But because I am shy/socially awkward and honestly was a recluse for the major part of my 20's I have zero dating history. I have had guy pals in college but pals is all they were , I was more like one of the boys no one was trying to impress me in the least 

And I do feel like I am ODD for not having a date. All my friends and aquaintances even if they are single now have SOME sort of dating history so, yes as a female in her 30's I would say its odd to have never even had a single date. By now I'm suppose to either be married or at least have afew Exes to talk about. I don't even have any date-stories! 

C'est la vie, all I can do is NOT bring it up to people who I don't trust. I just sort of shy away from dating history conversations.


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## Lonely Star

@awkwardsilent - same here.

Never had a date. I'm at the age where most of the people I went to school with are having children or getting married.

It's tough - even running into acquaintances and having to listen to them talking about their partners.


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## CommanderShepard

In 2 years that will be me (it will be my best friend in 1.5 years)


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## fern

MobiusX said:


> is it less common for girls who are 30 and up who never dated, been in a relationship, etc?? In 2 years I will be a 30 year old male who never had a gf or dated, am I considered a loser for this? what does it mean? I never even had a female friend MY entire life.


Well, I'm female and not only am I 32 and still a virgin, but I've never been kissed or even been on a date (because I've never been asked). Men just aren't interested in me, not even as friends. I'm extremely embarrassed and depressed about it. I feel like a complete loser.


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## cherryboom

I'm 23 and never dated. I fear it's too late I'm so anxious about dating now because of my inexperience in the dating world I would not know where to start. I'm guessing there's a good chance I will turn 30 and be telling the same story.

I had a few friends turned lovers but not really dated guess I sold myself short


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## onemoregirl

I never had boyfriends in high school or college. I was shy (some thought aloof and unapproachable) extremely skinny, with frizzy hair and glasses. I preferred to read than to socialize. My first boyfriend (a fellow introvert with SA tendencies himself) became my fiance, when I was 28 and he was 33. We were married the following year.


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## AngelClare

MobiusX said:


> is it less common for girls who are 30 and up who never dated, been in a relationship, etc?? In 2 years I will be a 30 year old male who never had a gf or dated, am I considered a loser for this? what does it mean? I never even had a female friend MY entire life.


Why don't you just go to Math.com and date someone who is not considered attractive by society?

I think there are plenty of women out there. It's just that all the guys are focused on he "hot" ones. But if you actually spend a little time with the not-so-hot girl you be surprised to find that you're having fun.


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## Silent Hell

I'm not 30 yet, but I have never dated. 

I'm way too depressed to even interact with people or even leave my house besides going to work and I hope I don't even live to be age 30.


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## Camelleone

Thats me, I'm nearing 30 though when people around me at my age is having children averagely, I don't have any much social life, also I usually avoided any romance in the past, have to say nearing age 30 and single is hard


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## CeilingStarer

Silent Hell said:


> I'm not 30 yet, but I have never dated.
> 
> I'm way too depressed to even interact with people or even leave my house besides going to work and I hope I don't even live to be age 30.


This is my life too. I made 30, but I've had enough. There's just no joy in our miserable way of living.


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## OneIsALonelyNumber

CeilingStarer said:


> This is my life too. I made 30, but I've had enough. There's just no joy in our miserable way of living.


If you can't find companionship, then my suggestion is to get what pleasure you can out of life. Enjoy the little things. I think (hope) you will find that the quality of life improves if you do this.


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## senrab

I'm here.

Turned 31 yesterday and it f-ing depressed me.


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## snowflake1111

meee. i never dated.


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## awkwardsilent

I'm with oneisalonely number. I might not be able to get a date to save the universe but... I am enjoying life now. It Is hard sometimes when I slip back into isolation mode to step back out but it is worth it in the end for me. Not datable but not as lonely when you have things that help you feel less lonely.


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## grey clouds

snowflake1111 said:


> meee. i never dated.


but according to your profile info you are only 22 so its not quite the same as the OP who is 30.

kudos on the self restraint though. Lets just say i dont have much self esteem


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## cavemanslaststand

^ Actually the OP is 27 (or 28 if birthday this year), and not a venutian. Mysterious X still has 2 or 3 years left to change things before the 3 Oh.


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## Jasmine123

One of my sisters went on her first date when she was 28. She had agoraphobia and SA due to body dismorphia (thought that her nose was VERY big then in reality it wasn't). She did a plastic surgery on her nose + psichoterapy and after that her SA got much better.


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## atlex

AngelClare said:


> It's just that all the guys are focused on he "hot" ones.


 Of course. Guys like hawt women.


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## onemoregirl

I didn't date until I was 27 years old. I lived in a small town and was an introvert with SA, so I found it hard to get to know people. My first boyfriend, who I met on a blind date, became my husband; he proposed 2 months after we met (though we waited a year to actually get married).


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## MiMiK

senrab said:


> I'm here.
> 
> Turned 31 yesterday and it f-ing depressed me.


on the 26th of august?  cuz that my bday too :clap










sorry for derailing the thread lol


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## baxman

ive been on a few dates but they went nowhere..yes it is very strange to be a man in his 30s that has never dated at all.its odd for a guy to only have dated a few times, it is very bizarre..what makes it worse almost is if you are a decent looking man then people really start to talk and start probing.women will definitely look at you as strange and will probably stay away.

you people in your early 20s better get out there and date, whoever whenever.just do it, i wish i could go back but i cant.


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## Uffdaa

Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?


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## Kiwong

I'm almost 50, never dated. Now I can't see myself with anyone, thoughts of dating and romance just make me feel uncomfortable. I'm quite independant and capable of enjoying my own company. 

I think from my observation of postings on social anxiety forums there are probably more women that have never dated than you'd imagine. I think withdrawal from social interaction is a common trait amongst SA sufferers regardless of sex.


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## Kiwong

baxman said:


> you people in your early 20s better get out there and date, whoever whenever.just do it, i wish i could go back but i cant.


I'm not unhappy now. I am not sure things would be that much better if I had dated. Certainly don't have to deal with relationships problems with a wife/partner.


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## baxman

^^the only reason you are more content single is because u feel very uncomfortable around people.thats social anxiety, not introversion.being in relationships isnt a guarantee you will be happy but ask most psychologists, one of the main keys to being a happy individual is having strong relationships with others, someone to share your life with etc etc.


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## OutOfControlPanel

WintersTale said:


> The answer to everything is sex. Honestly.
> 
> Sex makes the world go round.


One of my favorite quotes is from Henry Miller's _Tropic of Capricorn_:

"What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse."


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## senrab

MiMiK said:


> on the 26th of august?  cuz that my bday too :clap
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sorry for derailing the thread lol


yep, haha. thanks....happy b-day to you too


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## Kiwong

baxman said:


> ^^the only reason you are more content single is because u feel very uncomfortable around people.thats social anxiety, not introversion.being in relationships isnt a guarantee you will be happy but ask most psychologists, one of the main keys to being a happy individual is having strong relationships with others, someone to share your life with etc etc.


No you are wrong, I enjoy my own company. It's not social anxiety, it's being comfortable in independence. Being in a relationship is certainly not a guarantee happiness chances are it could be a bad relationship. Good relationships might be helpful, but I suspect they are hard to find and would take a lot of work to maintain.

I feel the need to improve in every day relationships with people, but I feel no need to share my life with anyone.


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## mighty atom

fern said:


> Well, I'm female and not only am I 32 and still a virgin, but I've never been kissed or even been on a date (because I've never been asked). Men just aren't interested in me, not even as friends. I'm extremely embarrassed and depressed about it. I feel like a complete loser.


If it makes you feel any better i'm just the same and 37.


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## hydinthebasmnt

mighty atom said:


> If it makes you feel any better i'm just the same and 37.


Yeah, I'm soon to be 35 and pretty much in the same boat.


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## Wirt

millenniumman75 said:


> ^Sex can also mess everything up!


you sexual pessimist, you


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## Farideh

I wish I was one of those gis who never dated before. I've only dated loserish men who didn't care about me as a person at all and only wanted to satisfy their sexual desires. I only dated sickos who used me and I really regret going out with them out if desparation.


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## lyssado707

I'm 25 and have never dated. I wouldn't consider u a loser. I don't see why people get judged so much on the basis of this. Some people just have different priorities in life or struggle more socially. Doesn't mean they aren't decent people w/no potential for dating.


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## cloister2

Yes lots of them, they're called spinsters.


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## CityLights89

I'm only 23, so I have 7 more years to until 30, but I also never been on a date. There are girls my age who are engaged, married, and have children (although some of them are not married or even with the dad anymore :/). Even the ones who are single have had some dating experiences in the past. Me? Zilch. Makes me feel really down about myself when I think about it and then I cry myself to sleep. When I wake up, I usually feel better though. If nothing changes, I'll be the same at 30. Not looking forward to it. Yeah, I don't wanna die, but I don't want my life to be the same way it is now - boring and lonely. It doesnt help that I want guys that are probably out of reach for me anyway. Maybe I do it because it feels safe. May have some love-shyness going on here too. Whoa....


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## TobeyJuarez

AngelClare said:


> Why don't you just go to Math.com and date someone who is not considered attractive by society?
> 
> I think there are plenty of women out there. It's just that all the guys are focused on he "hot" ones. But if you actually spend a little time with the not-so-hot girl you be surprised to find that you're having fun.


But the not so hot girls are looking for the hot guys too... i was in this thread about this website called beautiful people (not the thread i started but the other one) and there was a graph displaying a bell curve type thing about what men and women rate the opposite sex... 
heres basically what it showed

Men consider
about 10% of women to be unnattractive
about 15% of women to be average
about 45% of women to be attractive
about 20% of women to be very attractive
about 10% to be near flawless

Women consider

about 45% of men to be unattraractive 
about 20% to be average
about 15% to be attractive
about 15% to be very attractive 
about 5% to be near flawless

So even if you try to talk to alot of the not so hot girls, they end up being just hard on you as the really hot girls :|


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## jimity

What about Susan Boyle. She is like 50 and still a virgin. Probably never dated.


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## Gingernut

I am 34 and have never been on a date. I had drunken, casual relationships in my early teens but that's it. I've never had a boyfriend or even had any man like me. I don't know why. I'm overweight but don't consider myself to be ugly and see other girls alot bigger that me with fellas. I get on with men but I'm the one they ask to get my friends' numbers.


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## Gingernut

Silent Hell said:


> I'm not 30 yet, but I have never dated.
> 
> I'm way too depressed to even interact with people or even leave my house besides going to work and I hope I don't even live to be age 30.


I felt like that when I was 28 and in fact, worse when I was 29. But, please stick it out. You never know what the future holds and you must think positive. Everyone is here for a reason. You just don't know what yours is yet.

I was very close to silently shuffling off the mortal coil but then I found a starving, tick and flea ridden, abandoned puppy by a busy main road. He had been very badly abused and was in an horrific state. It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but his life was saved because of me and now, 4 years later he is the only thing that makes me smile. We saved each other, in a way.

Use hope for something positive


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## Chris 316

illmatic1 said:


> But the not so hot girls are looking for the hot guys too... i was in this thread about this website called beautiful people (not the thread i started but the other one) and there was a graph displaying a bell curve type thing about what men and women rate the opposite sex...
> heres basically what it showed
> 
> Men consider
> about 10% of women to be unnattractive
> about 15% of women to be average
> about 45% of women to be attractive
> about 20% of women to be very attractive
> about 10% to be near flawless
> 
> Women consider
> 
> about 45% of men to be unattraractive
> about 20% to be average
> about 15% to be attractive
> about 15% to be very attractive
> about 5% to be near flawless
> 
> So even if you try to talk to alot of the not so hot girls, they end up being just hard on you as the really hot girls :|


*Agreed, no offense to any women here btw..course i usually don't do much of the approaching so, that may as well be a problem.*


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## Biggles

millenniumman75 said:


> ^Sex can also mess everything up!


That's what Kleenex are for. :clap


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## losermanlol

This thread is an ultimate reminder that I am not alone.



38 male virgin, never dated, never kissed, never touched.

not sure if I really ever cared enough because I was too busy playing video and computer games. 

Therefore, it's not like I've ever been rejected because I've never asked :s

Truly mad. decades pass, nothing changes........................................................................................................................................................................................................................... till the end :/ I should be doing more about this and grand plans are going into action next erm.....week... maybe 

why am I laughing ?


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## losermanlol

ACtually, reading some of your posts, particularly the ladies. I can't help wondering if there is a an additional, unnoticeable component to sexual attraction other than "face" and "bodyparts" (being blunt about it) phermones can play a strong part I believe. Maybe some of us exude less or mask them, or anxiety does? (too easy a theory, not detailed enough) Also, how much subconscious processing is being done?

Is it perhaps simply a case of get out there (somehow) and ask/get rejected. 
As your rejection count goes up you should have more chance of a yes.

Easier said than done... I think the main problem is mental resilience and mine is as tough as tissue paper armour  Or do I care? I'm not sure anymore :S

I think my despair cycles probably indicate that I do.


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## qiuetmind

*Never Dated*

You wanted to know if there were any woman over 30th that have never dated. Well I am one but I am 52 now. I have no idea what it is like to date a guy. And I expect I never will. O! well I suppose that is the life of an introvert.


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## OneIsALonelyNumber

Gingernut said:


> I was very close to silently shuffling off the mortal coil but then I found a starving, tick and flea ridden, abandoned puppy by a busy main road. He had been very badly abused and was in an horrific state. It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but his life was saved because of me and now, 4 years later he is the only thing that makes me smile. We saved each other, in a way.
> 
> Use hope for something positive


That's a cute story.


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## CBOlyphant

I used to date quite a bit but haven't in a few years now due to my anxiety disorders. I don't think any of you who haven't dated at all are weird for not having dated, whether you are men or women. I think it's perfectly alright unless you are unhappy about it and if that's the case then you and I are in the same boat because I would like to start dating again and can't seem to meet anyone. If you are happy with being single that is perfectly okay too. Nobody else has to live your life and only you know what you need.


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## DubnRun

girls derserve to have a **** time with dating too so i hope there is.


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## visualkeirockstar

qiuetmind said:


> You wanted to know if there were any woman over 30th that have never dated. Well I am one but I am 52 now. I have no idea what it is like to date a guy. And I expect I never will. O! well I suppose that is the life of an introvert.


52? Dam! That's one heck of a record!


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## MNM

I am 30, never dated, been kissed etc. I FEEL like a loser because of it but at the same time, I am "used" to my life as it is, so it doesn't bother me. I think others look down at me because of it though. 

I just don't trust people enough to get to the point of dating etc.


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## falling down

MNM said:


> I am 30, never dated, been kissed etc. I FEEL like a loser because of it but at the same time, I am "used" to my life as it is, so it doesn't bother me. I think others look down at me because of it though.
> 
> I just don't trust people enough to get to the point of dating etc.


Seems like you need to be pushed out of your comfort zone.


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## hypocondriatic

*Unloveable*



hydinthebasmnt said:


> Yeah, I'm soon to be 35 and pretty much in the same boat.


35 in two weeks and never been....anything, not even asked to dance except for once in high school by a boy who asked me on a dare. I feel like I am an apple that is rotten at its core. I want to know why I am unlovable but don't know who to ask. All I know is that loneliness is an earthquake within me, and I am full of chasms and broken ground.


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## Isolated18

Yes, im 19, never been asked out, never been on a date and probably never will.


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## Mongoose

I envy the people here who are content to be alone. I've never been on a date, but I've always hated being alone, especially on weekends. I hope I lose all desire to be in a relationship because I don't see any woman ever being interested in me.


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## hydinthebasmnt

hypocondriatic said:


> 35 in two weeks and never been....anything, not even asked to dance except for once in high school by a boy who asked me on a dare. I feel like I am an apple that is rotten at its core. I want to know why I am unlovable but don't know who to ask. All I know is that loneliness is an earthquake within me, and I am full of chasms and broken ground.


Hmmm, you're probably like a week older than me. Welcome to SAS.


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## hydinthebasmnt

Mongoose said:


> I envy the people here who are content to be alone. I've never been on a date, but I've always hated being alone, especially on weekends. I hope I lose all desire to be in a relationship because I don't see any woman ever being interested in me.


I feel like no one would want me either, and in the highly unlikely event that I end up in a relationship, they would soon tire of me and find someone more worthy than I am.


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## ReticentCat

I'm 39, never been on a date, never been kissed, never had sex. Men just don't acknowledge me. I"m not unattractive or anything. In fact I'd say I'm rather pretty, and people always assume I'm still in my twenties. 

Men just don't even try with me. It's very frustrating and I feel a lot of shame over this. It's the one thing I feel I have failed to experience in life and I have overwhelming regret and heartache over it. I feel like there must be something that makes me just not worthy.


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## losermanlol

Have any of you asked your friends to study your body language around men?

You might be putting up such a shield that most wander off to less shielded women.

I'm aware of my body language and I should probably wear a suit of armour as it'll give off less bad signals


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## MobiusX

Isolated18 said:


> Yes, im 19, never been asked out, never been on a date and probably never will.


but you're married according to your profile


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## dismiss

:lol .... avoidance tactic?


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## darkraincloud

I'm 34 and I've never dated.


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## homer

Lots of lovely gals and guys here who have not dated. I was in the same situation when I turned 30. Fortunately since then I've had a chance to date a little bit. Not as much as I would like, but it is a start. Hope you find someone if that is what you want.

I like to travel and that was one of the ways I met someone. My everyday routine I just see the same people, but when I travel I meet lots of new people, include one who was intrigued by my shyness.


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## lonesomeboy

Just turned 34 and same boat...


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## Shinichi

I did date but I can count my dates on one hand (I'm 29). I seem to tick off every box of what men don't seem to like in women.


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## DysfunctionalDoll

I've never dated anyone. I've had feelings/crushes on people, though, but didn't do anything about it. I get asked out but my anxiety gets the best of me.


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## Lelsey

I have dated once for less than 3 months, during which we broke up for about 6 times... no real kiss or anything further than that. does that count as an experience? I do feel ok with being alone but some times i do wish for companionship


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## ShyGuyInWi

I'm 32 and haven't dated a woman. I guess you can blame my shyness/SA for that. That and women don't seem attracted to me


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## Anticipate

I'm 31 and I have been on dates, but never had a boyfriend and never been kissed. The only dates I've been on have mostly been set-up by a third party, or from people I met online. There have been very few (maybe only 2 or 3) guys that I actually met who asked me out.
Also, I go long periods of time without any dates. There have been a couple of times I did not get any dates for a year.
I honestly still have not figured out how people get boyfriends, it has never happened for me.


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## Xanatos32

Maybe women seem to cope better than I do being dateless until recently. All I see are hundreds of women with rings on their fingers, husbands, and trailing boyfriends.

Are we really just too far in between to find each other as fellow dateless? I would never treat a woman as a sexual object. And yet, all the dating advice I've gotten recently is that women go for sex by the second or third date; I need to be aggressive and rejoice in the sexual revolution.

Nothing better in this world to hold a woman's hand, look into her eyes, and be able to rub her shoulders. I ought to write a romance story where a guy and girl who have been loveless for most of their lives find each other. And tell it from a SAD perspective.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I imagine there are a lot of girls who are over 30 who have never dated.


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## bottleofblues

gomenne said:


> I hate how we humans are so programmed to be around people.
> Why do we need people so much ?
> I say screw it we can live without other humans.
> 
> Not really actually -_-
> Why cant scientists invent some medicine or something to make us less needy of people ?? seriously, that would be the answer to all problems in life.


So true i think its easier and more realistic to change ourselves though to suit our biology. Don't ask me how though, i ain't got the answers.


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## Kinos Journey

Xanatos32 said:


> Maybe women seem to cope better than I do being dateless until recently. All I see are hundreds of women with rings on their fingers, husbands, and trailing boyfriends.
> 
> Are we really just too far in between to find each other as fellow dateless? I would never treat a woman as a sexual object. And yet, all the dating advice I've gotten recently is that women go for sex by the second or third date; I need to be aggressive and rejoice in the sexual revolution.


You may be receiving advice from a biased source; I know I'd back away if a man was that aggressive with me. At the risk of derailing a thread, don't into the 'Nice Guys' trap!!! So many genuine nice guys have fallen prey to that bitter monster.

Anyway, just turned 30 a few months ago and dateless due to being rather shy of men (bad experiences in the past) and rather critical of my body. Once was asked for a date via facebook by someone local but unknown to me. Our interests didn't click, so I told him no, but also told him to keep asking around, since it made my day (which it did- no one's asked me before that). Later I was really glad to see he had found someone.


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## Xanatos32

I worry that I am a "nice guy" in that all my life I have treated women and men with kindness and fairness. I just got back from the movies (alone as always) and as soon as I sit in the theater I hear behind me, "I can't believe you just called your wife 'fat'" followed by lots of laughter. 

Being kind/nice to others is apparently a huge turn off. It hasn't ever rewarded me; in fact, it has always made me too safe, reliable, whatever.

I cannot act unkind to people. So, I walk this life alone for being nice to others. And the truth seems to me that attraction for 99% of the female population involves their boyfriends walking a thin line of outright cruelty, rude, and narcissistic behavior.

If I go there, I am liable to be thrown in jail. Nevertheless, I will not go down the road of negative impulse. I hold within me the anxiety of being alone. I used to pride myself in not needing anyone, but I'm tired of this lonely road. I want it to end.

Wish there were some way to make others see me as both attractive and kind to others without this stigma of "Nice." It's all I think about these days. Some men think of sex every seven seconds; I think of a having a significant other beside me every seven seconds. 

Going out in public makes me feel like some kind of alien species alone. I used to be anxious, but now I'm mostly depressed.


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## deanman

Xanatos32 said:


> I worry that I am a "nice guy" in that all my life I have treated women and men with kindness and fairness. I just got back from the movies (alone as always) and as soon as I sit in the theater I hear behind me, "I can't believe you just called your wife 'fat'" followed by lots of laughter.
> 
> Being kind/nice to others is apparently a huge turn off. It hasn't ever rewarded me; in fact, it has always made me too safe, reliable, whatever.
> 
> I cannot act unkind to people. So, I walk this life alone for being nice to others. And the truth seems to me that attraction for 99% of the female population involves their boyfriends walking a thin line of outright cruelty, rude, and narcissistic behavior.
> 
> If I go there, I am liable to be thrown in jail. Nevertheless, I will not go down the road of negative impulse. I hold within me the anxiety of being alone. I used to pride myself in not needing anyone, but I'm tired of this lonely road. I want it to end.
> 
> Wish there were some way to make others see me as both attractive and kind to others without this stigma of "Nice." It's all I think about these days. Some men think of sex every seven seconds; I think of a having a significant other beside me every seven seconds.
> 
> Going out in public makes me feel like some kind of alien species alone. I used to be anxious, but now I'm mostly depressed.


my god... i feel so much like you, my heart started beating faster. I wish you the best of luck... remember... unfortunately just because we are like this we can't expect the others to be like this to us.... girls prefer badboys and retarded guys that do only **** to them... I try to understand... but it's hard... I can also not act unkind to others yet i get no reward for that. and i understand what you mean and i am just like you...


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## Uffdaa

I'm not sure, I've dated a little, very infrequently and it never went anywhere. 

In my 20's I just wasn't prepared or able to flirt well, to reciprocate people's interests which is a shame because a few good guys did try to befriend me.

Getting older I've had guys that seemed to want the friends with benefits deal though I wasn't down for it. Guys that pretty much resigned themselves to a life of bachelorhood and sex on the side. 


Even if I do date it's challenging me to figure out what on earth my life is suppose to be turned into. What are my goals blah blah blah...

I don't know, it's new years and I wish I had remembered to at least buy a beer to bring home so I could drink myself to sleep. 

The thing with dating is that you have to have your WHOLE life in order, you have to be the WHOLE package, have to have a great job, a great social life, great friends, great family, great personality, great history great future, great body great health, great everything. It's really a matter of luck and chance in my opinion. I always feel like I'm not good enough, no matter how well things are going in my life I've always felt like I was bad and something was wrong with me. Wish one of the 10 therapists I had talked to had figured it out. Now it's sort of too late. It doesn't matter any more. I'm too old. Sort of missed out on the opportunity.


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## Biggles

Uffdaa said:


> ...The thing with dating is that you have to have your WHOLE life in order, you have to be the WHOLE package, have to have a great job, a great social life, great friends, great family, great personality, great history great future, great body great health, great everything....
> 
> ... I always feel like I'm not good enough, no matter how well things are going in my life I've always felt like I was bad and something was wrong with me.


Hi Uffdaa, I couldn't help being struck by two things you said which are part of the thinking that SA distorts for us. I doubt you really believe that people have to have their whole life in order before they can date. If we assume 50% of singles are dating, I bet not even 5% (maybe even less than 0.5% - seriously) will meet all the criteria you specified. I think you believe YOU have to have all that in order, which kind of ties in with your second statement of NEVER being good enough, no matter how well things are going. So even if you were to meet your own virtually impossible standards, you would still feel not good enough to date.

It comes back IMHO opinion to what most of us on here feel inside - that we're flawed and never good enough. It's the thinking that I have to still challenge in myself every day. It's the hard wired thing we have.

I don't know your age, but I _*am *_sure you still have opportunities left - unless you decide you don't want to pursue them - which is your right also.

I wish you the best in 2013.


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## NatashaH

Me! I never felt confident enough to go on dates or pursue any guys I like. I also wouldn't go out with just anybody, I have to really like them and someone who I really like doesnt come along very often so I never get anywhere, sucks!


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## Kinos Journey

The reason I brought up the 'Nice Guy/Girl' theory (again, this is about Nice Guys and Nice Girls, not... genuinely nice men and women) is that, in my opinion, it's a trap of perception that distorts your reality. Either you feel someone else is horrible, or that you yourself are horrible, when it's usually 99% of the time a situation where neither is true. 

It contributes to social anxiety.

From my experience with my friends when it comes to bad relationships, it's often that it's a person who puts his/her best face forward, then, after the relationship becomes cemented, the meaner aspects come in. It's not that said friend wanted a SO who was mean, crass, etc; that's just what they turned out to be in the end.

That's in a nutshell why dating is scary for me, as a woman. I could see myself going emotionally attached to someone who looks and acts like a genuine nice guy, then find myself in a nightmare relationship that is easier to accept than end. 

I'm also very emotionally guarded- I'm probably more likely to become romantically involved with someone I get to know on a friend basis first.


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## Xanatos32

Kinos Journey said:


> The reason I brought up the 'Nice Guy/Girl' theory (again, this is about Nice Guys and Nice Girls, not... genuinely nice men and women) is that, in my opinion, it's a trap of perception that distorts your reality. Either you feel someone else is horrible, or that you yourself are horrible, when it's usually 99% of the time a situation where neither is true.
> 
> It contributes to social anxiety.
> 
> From my experience with my friends when it comes to bad relationships, it's often that it's a person who puts his/her best face forward, then, after the relationship becomes cemented, the meaner aspects come in. It's not that said friend wanted a SO who was mean, crass, etc; that's just what they turned out to be in the end.
> 
> That's in a nutshell why dating is scary for me, as a woman. I could see myself going emotionally attached to someone who looks and acts like a genuine nice guy, then find myself in a nightmare relationship that is easier to accept than end.
> 
> I'm also very emotionally guarded- I'm probably more likely to become romantically involved with someone I get to know on a friend basis first.


I tend to think of myself as faultless, and how could she ever not like me. I would consider myself a nice person, but I really do not know what is nice to woman. It's like we have to share the same idea of beauty even though we use the same word.

A long lasting relationship has to work around the failures. They exist for both. And I understand that neither side wants to be the bad guy who realizes the terrible choice he/she is stuck with in a partner, and is dreading having to cut the cord.


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## LostinReverie

Never have, never will.


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## Lilly00

I'm an almost 32 year old female and have never had a boyfriend. Sometimes i fear that should i ever meet a guy and tell him that i've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and still a virgin, i'll be rejected. At my age the fact that i haven't done those things is quite embarrassing.

 However I have had dates, but they never got to the point of being physical (kissing, sex) with eachother. I went to my high school prom with a guy who also was socially akward and shy. I've gone out with guys i knew from church, and guys i met from online dating. I've only had 1st and 2nd dates.

 It is hard cause at my age everyone is getting married and having babies and I so desperately want to have a family and fear that cause of my social anxiety i'll spend my life alone. Plus I'm an only child, so other than my parents i really have no family.


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## Xanatos32

The same thoughts cross my mind as a guy, and I'm doing my best to get out there and find her. I've wondered if at some point I'll have to settle for a single mom. It may not be my children, but if they are young enough, might see me as the father, just not the biological one.

I think everyone deserves to be married just once, and be married to the person that compliments best. So much sorrow and separation with families (multiple marriages etc).

My dad remarried at 50. Something about not having their own children (and we were out of the picture) allowed them to really just focus on themselves.

It seems like you wait forever, and then you realize forever is gone.


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## lonesomeboy

WintersTale said:


> I imagine there are a lot of girls who are over 30 who have never dated.


I am surprised by this. I always thought girls with SA had it easier than guys from a dating perspective.


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## Phalene

Same here. Never dated, never kissed anyone, never nothing. And I'm quite sociable, I try to go out with friends a couple of times a month, but it's pointless from the dating perspective. I signed up on online dating website but just the idea of meeting someone from there cripples me. It's getting harder and harder not to be pessimistic, and when I have to go to weddings or baptisms and ****, I really feel like even friends my age have gone further than I ever will.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I just wish I could find a nice girl. All the nice guys and nice girls need to meet each other!


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## LoungeFly

I guess it considers what you say "never dated" consists of? 

I have never had a romantic relationship, but I have gone out on a couple of dates..one guy twice, then I ran away cause I knew he liked me....and that scared me.  and that was just over 5 years ago. 

But I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex, and haven't been on a date in several years. 

Never give up hope though, right? Only problem is I've been asked out since my last date a few times.....and I always end up saying no thank you, that I'm working on myself or not ready or some other bull.....when really I'm just terrified.


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## LoungeFly

lonesomeboy said:


> I am surprised by this. I always thought girls with SA had it easier than guys from a dating perspective.


wrong.  how can we have it easier when we run from prospects cause of fear?


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## krobar

*I'm shocked.*

I never knew there where so many people out there that has never had more than a basic relationship. What is it that keeps you from going out with someone, I mean anyone, I'm just asking, many of you seem to be very funny judging from your post.:sus


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## krobar

*I know what you mean.*



Phalene said:


> Same here. Never dated, never kissed anyone, never nothing. And I'm quite sociable, I try to go out with friends a couple of times a month, but it's pointless from the dating perspective. I signed up on online dating website but just the idea of meeting someone from there cripples me. It's getting harder and harder not to be pessimistic, and when I have to go to weddings or baptisms and ****, I really feel like even friends my age have gone further than I ever will.


But i have had relationships. but I have highs and lows. When i'm on a high it's easy to meet someone but then the lows come and **** it all up.


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## LoungeFly

krobar said:


> I never knew there where so many people out there that has never had more than a basic relationship. *What is it that keeps you from going out with someone, I mean anyone, I'm just asking, *many of you seem to be very funny judging from your post.:sus


Social Anxiety!! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Fear fear fear.

Also, fear that I won't feel anything and they will, and I"ll have to let them down. I try so hard to never hurt anyone's feelings, including making me uncomfortable just to spare someone else.


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## Hoyden

I have never been in a relationship. Gone out with guys, which was either incredibly awkward or we got very drunk. In either case I would never see them again.

As I get older it gets harder I think. Men my age often have had many relationships, probably divorced, maybe widowed, they've had kids, they have had all these experiences.... and what do I have to show for my life?

I think I would bluff if anyone asks about my past- onenight stands can become engagements, unrequited yearnings can be refiled as brief affairs. Otherwise, I am just too embarrassed to admit the truth and admit to my fears or whatever it is that makes me repugnant.


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## krobar

*Your not repugnant.*



Hoyden said:


> I have never been in a relationship. Gone out with guys, which was either incredibly awkward or we got very drunk. In either case I would never see them again.
> 
> As I get older it gets harder I think. Men my age often have had many relationships, probably divorced, maybe widowed, they've had kids, they have had all these experiences.... and what do I have to show for my life?
> 
> I think I would bluff if anyone asks about my past- onenight stands can become engagements, unrequited yearnings can be refiled as brief affairs. Otherwise,* I am just too embarrassed to admit the truth and admit to my fears or whatever it is that makes me repugnant.*


Your probably just a little distant. But i defiantly don't get a repugnant vide from you. It's always easier to meet someone when your younger and when you get older there are just fewer people out there for you to choose from. sucks I know.


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## Justayoungcollegegirl20

It was cute when I was 18. Now at 20 I just feel unwanted and unattractive. I know I'm pretty. I'm just not lucky. Or maybe as a girl it's a good thing. But it feels so bad sometimes. Sometimes, I have to look it up online to feel like I'm not the only one. I sometimes feel so sexually irritated and frustrated. I just try to push through like I used to. Just a part of my life that's depressing.

I still feel like my life is waiting away.


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## visualkeirockstar

You have to try man. You sound like you don't care but you keep saying it.


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## londonguy202

Justayoungcollegegirl20 said:


> It was cute when I was 18. Now at 20 I just feel unwanted and unattractive. .


I know how u feel, I am a 6ft'2 guy who never really dated. You are beautiful and i do hope u have a great week. best of luck with the dating


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## janeshame

WintersTale said:


> ^ Oh, you are glad that some of the radical feminists here didn't just see you write that!
> 
> As far as single women, I agree with you. Most women end up in relationships, even if they aren't the looks ideal. It's much more common for men to be virgins than women.


*Really? Well in our country, Philippines, women are more virgins than men. And there are a lot of single women here than men, in fact, most men here are taken already, it's either men are married or have a girlfriend And looking for a single guy is a problem here, since men are all taken already.:blank *


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## CEB32

I was going to be a one woman guy, when she died and the resulting years of god awfulness following that and other crappy events in my life. I now believe i am too old to be how i am, vastly too inexperienced in all aspects related to women other than being able to be a good friend, which is something which always came easy for me, i had more women as friends than men yet only ever had 1 real girlfriend.

Not such a problem when i was younger, but at 32?. I havent been on an actual date before, my experience of trying to pick someone up has only been in a club or pub when i was much younger, would be weird doing that now if i was even capable because of the issues i have.

Yet im mega lonely,ready to move on and no hope in sight of finding someone special. I am also of the opinion that its more men than women, atleast over here in the UK and as its usually the responsibility of a man to make the first move, god help me lol


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## Celestine

Never been in a relationship, Never kissed, Never been kissed, Never had a guy who I like to like me back, etc.

I think that's really, hmm -- what's the word, let's just say "silly" -- to think that an overweight girl or a really big girl's problem of not getting a guy is her weight. Sometimes, it's true, but I've seen plenty of bigger ladies with guys/boyfriends all of the time. 

I've also seen people with the worst personalities ever -- with significant others.

The last time I went on a "date" was the tenth grade. I'm 29 years old now. And he brought his cousin. I've never been on a date where it was just myself and the guy.

I was offered sex by a guy friend once, but it was because he had just been dumped by his girlfriend (whom he'd gone a year without sex with because she wanted to wait until marriage). So he was willing to wait for her and give her respect, but he wanted to have a one-night stand with me. Yeah, that's how to make a woman feel beautiful.

I also don't think it's fair to blame other people for us being single. My problem is my anxiety, I don't get out to meet people, I'm shy around men, I'm pessimistic about meeting the right person, and sometimes, I get the feeling that I was never meant to date anyone.


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## forex

i only fap.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

Do we still get to be called girls? haha

Well, I recently got out of a three-year relationship-of-sorts-I-guess, but dating history is limited compared to my peers, I think.

Loser? Depends on who you ask. Personally, I don't care that you've not dated. I'm guessing there are others that think the same way I do on that topic.


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## KatDJZ

I'll be 30 in a few months and I've never been on a date, kissed, any of that. Between being very overweight my whole life, and introvert, and having anxiety and social phobia issues, it's like the perfect storm of not meeting anyone. Just recently as I realized I better get out there if I ever want anything to happen, I'm really looked at my situation and how sad it is.

Up until now I was a little embarrassed, but didn't mind that much. I was happy with my life. But now as all my friends are pairing off, getting married, and having babies, I realize I want that too. But the thought of dating still kind of terrifies me, and dating someone who will almost certainly have more experience than me is even worse. 

I guess I'll just have to get over it and keep on keeping on unless I want to get old and die alone. I need to remind myself that while it may be harder to find someone, there are people worse off than me who get married or find someone. If the world's fattest man can get married (like I saw on TLC) than so can I, dammit!


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## lonelywoman

up


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## DeeperUnderstanding

It was cute when I was in my early 20's. Not so much now.

I at least can call myself a wizard now. I've officially passed the 30 year mark.

And if nobody found me attractive enough by now, that just means I'm ****ing ugly. I'm used to it. My doctor who diagnosed me with BDD was probably just being nice.


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## bubbletea

-raises hand- i'll be 31 this year and never been in a relationship or date. 

i had some people ask me out when i was young, but since i didn't know them well and had social anxiety, of course i made some excuse that i couldn't go. in high school i even stayed home for an entire week to avoid a pushy guy who tried going from 0 to 100 which was just too much for nervous me.

now i'm more easy going since i'm older but...nobody asks me out now. everybody is taken or they go for the young & outgoing ones. time really does pass you by if you don't grab the chances that were in front of you.

i just gave up a long time ago hoping about that stuff, but deep down i would love more than anything to find someone and be married. :b


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## MobiusX

I want to wear a mask to hide my acne scars in public, the Michael Myers mask?


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## BillDauterive

I just turned 27 a week ago. Three years left until I qualify for the "wizard" label. Its not only that I haven't dated, but haven't even kissed a girl, really done anything with a girl at all.


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## hello6872

TobeyJuarez said:


> But the not so hot girls are looking for the hot guys too... i was in this thread about this website called beautiful people (not the thread i started but the other one) and there was a graph displaying a bell curve type thing about what men and women rate the opposite sex...
> heres basically what it showed
> 
> Men consider
> about 10% of women to be unnattractive
> about 15% of women to be average
> about 45% of women to be attractive
> about 20% of women to be very attractive
> about 10% to be near flawless
> 
> Women consider
> 
> about 45% of men to be unattraractive
> about 20% to be average
> about 15% to be attractive
> about 15% to be very attractive
> about 5% to be near flawless
> 
> So even if you try to talk to alot of the not so hot girls, they end up being just hard on you as the really hot girls :|


I can't speak for all women, but maybe that has to do with the fact that it takes some women time to grow attracted to men, at least in my case. Maybe it's just me but I'm attracted to the things they do and the way they treat me, but I have to know them for a while to see these things.


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## nikie

mighty atom said:


> If it makes you feel any better i'm just the same and 37.


I have never even held hands let alone date and I'm 31. I mostly don't think about much anymore but every once in awhile it runs me over. I want to be more than friends with my "person" (who I've yet to meet) but I don't see that happening. For me, I just got to a point where all that seems like too big a goal or a dream. Like falling in love, getting married, or even just trusting someone that much is just for a movie. I feel like I'm all that I've got... and sometimes that is depressing. It helps, though, to know there are more of you out there, both male and female. I may never meet you, but I understand you, and in this, you aren't alone, ok?


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## PurpleGage

I'm 34 and never dated, never been in a relationship and never been kissed. Anxiety, constant worrying and ugliness keep me from even thinking about dating.


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## jim11

Enjoy every bit of your 20s dude...You're going to miss it. That's all I can say.


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## MobiusX

bubbletea said:


> -raises hand- i'll be 31 this year and never been in a relationship or date.
> 
> i had some people ask me out when i was young, but since i didn't know them well and had social anxiety, of course i made some excuse that i couldn't go. in high school i even stayed home for an entire week to avoid a pushy guy who tried going from 0 to 100 which was just too much for nervous me.
> 
> now i'm more easy going since i'm older but...nobody asks me out now. everybody is taken or they go for the young & outgoing ones. time really does pass you by if you don't grab the chances that were in front of you.
> 
> i just gave up a long time ago hoping about that stuff, but deep down i would love more than anything to find someone and be married. :b


I cant believe I'm 30, it's crazy, my mind is still in the past of being 17


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## shae6

I am 28 and i have never been on a date. Its probably because i come from a society that is very conservative where you can get ostracized if a woman even speaks to a man outside of socially sanctioned relationships. But even after i escaped from it, i have not been confident enough to actually date someone. Dating just seems such an alien concept that makes me very nervous and anxious.


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## Agricola

I know several females who are 30+ who have never really dated. A few of them are family members.


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## wrongguy

This girl I worked with was a virgin until she was 26. She was really hot too. She just felt as though no one was good enough for her. That's what she said anyway. I think she may have been emotionally afraid cuz she confided once that she was afraid of people. I was seeing someone else at the time or I might have tried to make a woman of her. Possibly.


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