# Fashion Advice for the Painfully Nice (Mostly for Men)



## KissMeImShy (May 10, 2006)

Dear fellow SA Warriors, 

I've been working on my paralyzing, embarrasing, irrational fear of relationships and dating for a few years now and I wanted to share some things that have helped, especially in the grooming department. This is my first post by the way, thank you for participating in this community!

Why focus on grooming? Good question. For me the usual advice, "just be yourself", "don't sweat it" and all that just made me frustrated. With the fashion stuff I made small tangible changes that I could see and they made me feel less powerless facing the immense pain and suffering of trying to find love and romance. Little improvements gave me some positive momentum to try other things with some sense that things can change.

1) I got myself some education on style, fashion, grooming, etc. The best books I found (I'm a boy) are Color for Men and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Color for Men was written in the seventies or eighties and the models look really dated and goofy but it's a good introduction to what colors look best with what skin, hair, and eye color. Color for Men and Queer Eye also have clothing and haircut tips for different body types and face shapes (if you're skinny and tall like me, try wearing button down shirts instead of t-shirts; vertical stripes will make you look slimmer; use a nose trimmer if you have nose hair, etc.) Some of this stuff may be obvious to some of you but for the clueless like me it was helpful. There are tons of fashion books for women but for men they're harder to find, you can do a search at your library for these or other ones.

2) Go to acne.org if you have skin problems. That place has very comprehensive information and emotional support for all degrees of acne. Seriously, the message boards can be quite insightful and compassionate.

3) What about getting into that indie-rock or counterculture style a bit? Besides some really snobby scenesters that should be executed, there are a lot of cool accepting people in these groups that don't mind so much about acne, awkwardness, looking younger than your age, and shyness (a lot actually are drawn to it!). I look at all the kids who dress normal from the Gap or wherever and it seems if you look different at all you're totally screwed but I don't think it's like that with a lot of indie kids. Also, a lot of us probably are smart, sensitive, and introspective which are more likely to be appreciated in this group. The wide varitey of patterned shirts, colors and haircuts also give you more options with your oversized forehead, lopsided ears, or your pus-oozing rash. Plus the girls often have substance to them, and they're cute!

I'd like to hear your thoughts and other style advice. Keep on fighting the good fight out there!

--Gizmo


Substitute Teacher: You will find a place where you'll be appreciated.

Lisa Simpson: A place where my intelligence and sensitivity are assets instead of liabilities?

Substitute Teacher: There are such places, believe me.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Man. I like the fact that you are trying to help us out. I, personally, believe that no matter how good looking people say you are (I've been told I'm hot, cute, intimidating, handsome, gorgeous, sexy, etc.), it's the anxiety, aka nervousness and lack of self-confidence, that plays a big factor. I realize this more everyday. I went to a fairly large party this past Saturday night. I love this guy, Ryan. He's great. But he's not the best looking guy in the world. I'd say unique in appearance... very tall, unshaven, kinda goofy. His g/f is very beautiful... totally not something you'd expect. But he is extroverted for the most part, lovable. 

You're from San Francisco. I spent a whole week there, maybe not enough time, but the fact that you mention indie-rock/counterculture says something to me. You have them like we have them here. You have to spend $500 on vinyl to work your way into the top. No subculture or scene is going to make it easier for us. Maybe this is just me, but I feel, if anything, MORE self-conscious and nervous around those folks. Man, they are just another group of people with the same flaws as everyone else. Sometimes, though, they just have one kind of flaw in particular that really ticks me off. Maybe you just found a certain group you are comfortable with. To me... everybody is human, and that comes with it's ups and downs. Tight pants indie rocker dude, Gap shirt wearer, artsy fake gay persona dude, mall punk, whoever you are... You are all subject to the flaws of being a conscious human.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

thats not what hes trying to do, stop beign so negative, hes tryign to help the people who arent a s good looking, theres always somehtign one can improve. I personally like my fashion sense, t-shirt + jeans, thats it, of course I care fully choose them to look good


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

I abhor fashion.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Nose hair is human. we have it for a reason. I try to cut mine back, but if a woman is that shallow, she can go ahead with the next guy in line.


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## salty (Mar 21, 2006)

i really like this advice. sometimes it's the little things that can make a big difference and boost our confidence.

i'm going to try to find those books you mentioned. color coordination has always been a problem for me, but it's not something that bothers me all that much. when i was younger my school had a uniform and over time i became comfortable being in slacks and polos or button-up shirts, but now i'm more of t-shirt and jeans kind of a guy. i like getting shirts that look cool to me and since i have sa, express things about me that i might not otherwise mention to people (ie bands that i like). this sometimes helps start conversations because people will ask what my shirt says or what kind of band they are, etc.. 

i used to have bad acne when i was younger, but most of it has cleared up luckily. i do notice though that i stay more clear when i keep my fingernails trimmed - i imagine this has to do with dirt getting under there and transferring onto my face. a little facial hair also makes acne less conspicuous, as well as long hair to cover up anything on your forehead.

i don't know if any particular group (like indie kids) is more embracing than others, i think it's more to do with the fact that members are more likely to connect with people they have things in common with. it's true that the indie crowd probably values akwardness and shyness more, but a lot of them are outgoing too. the same could be said for emo kids. if you're antisocial go hang out with some punks if your town has any haha. really, i think the best thing to do rather than change to fit into a particular niche is to just "get in where you fit in."

i like this topic! :banana


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## DeusExMachina (Jun 11, 2006)

For fashion tips, I've found magazines like Esquire and GQ to be very useful. They give good advice, keep you informed of new trends, and in Esquires case, have many good contributing writers. And while they are _fashion_ magazines, they are not super trendy and in a lot of ways they lean more towards the classic style of mens clothing (i.e. the ones that never go out of style). I've sometimes just looked through and seen what people/models are wearing in the magazine and then try to put together something similar myself, although with less expensive stuff ha ha ha.

After a while the colors might start to come to you, but I still go here when I'm trying to match up my clothes.

Another good book to look into is called _Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion_ by Alan Flusser. This book lays out what what is appropriate for when and where, how to mix color and patterns, and gives the history of nearly every article of clothing in the male wardrobe (although his continental vocabulary can be a bit nerving at times). I wish I had received this back when I was 18 as I would have saved a fortune in clothes over the years.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

GQ is a good magazine. Their clothes are awfully high-priced .

I try to color coordinate by avoiding certain color combinations.
black and yellow = bumblebee (I stay away from this one!)
green and orange = the Great Pumpkin (or a Carrot)
mint green and pink = watermelon/cantaloupe/honeydew (in a bad way)
red and white = candy cane (borderline okay - depends on what you wear it with)
blue and yellow = (eh, borderline)

khaki goes with just about anything - I would wear red, white, light blue, or tan with it. Purple, green, and pink would go well, too (I don't wear those colors often, though).

white also works with black as does dark blue, gray, red (vampire?), and burgundy.

I am waiting for Madras to come back so I can wear white socks and penny loafers again :lol.

Well, that's a Millenniumman75 fashion tip :stu.


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## DeusExMachina (Jun 11, 2006)

Those are good tips Millenniumman75.

One to add:

Brown shoes are much more versatile and better looking than black ones.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Guys should not wear pastel colors. uke (mainly I'm thinking of pink and purple)

Sometimes I'll see an ad in the paper, and I'm like, you guys are fruitcakes! pink shirt, with a purple scarf. ugh. :lol


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

Inturmal said:


> Guys should not wear pastel colors. (mainly I'm thinking of pink and purple)


i disagree. i think pink looks fine on guys. purple i don't like on anyone. it's my least favorite color. in fact i hate it.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> Brown shoes are much more versatile and better looking than black ones.


Why's that?


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## vincentgallo4president (May 13, 2006)

Cam'ron wears pink.


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## mismac (Oct 27, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> > Brown shoes are much more versatile and better looking than black ones.
> 
> 
> Why's that?


Because you can wear brown shoes with jeans, brown and grey pants, and khakis. You can dress them up or dress 'em down. Black shoes is too intense for some outfits.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

vincentgallo4president said:


> Cam'ron wears pink.


 I've never heard of him, but a quick search indicates he's a rapper. And celebs like that think they're cool when they wear funky clothes, including pink.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

khakis bwahahahahaha, thats such a queer eye for the straight guy word


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## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

KissMeImShy said:


> there are a lot of cool accepting people in these groups that don't mind so much about acne, awkwardness, looking younger than your age, and shyness (a lot actually are drawn to it!).


that's the exact definition of me
where do I sign up! :lol

My lack of friendships and inability to meet new people is slowly deteriorating my inside


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## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

[/quote]

that's the exact definition of me
where do I sign up! :lol

My lack of friendships and inability to meet new people is slowly deteriorating my inside[/quote]

:lol Mine too. :hug


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## lightness (Mar 17, 2005)

Cool Thread !

I love wearing band tee's with tightish jeans and funky indie jackets, it's a great convo starter, and you don't need to buy tshirts from shops that other people might wear, and hey, if you see someone with the same band tee as you atleast you have something good to talk about 

I'm interested in knowing what fashions work best and the whole psychological aspect of color etc, it's quite fascinating.

I love shoes  funky retro ones with patterns and stuff, woohoo. if we cant express to the world with spoken words, why not in clothes ?


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

I can't really do anything until I lose weight. The most important fashion advice is really, when you get down to it, staying in shape. It's sort of pointless dressing nice if you're a lard ball like me.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

My wardrobe: 

Black dickies 
Black shoes 
Black socks 
Black T-shirts 

I find fashion overwhelmingly pathetic, but look who's talking. :lol


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

Inturmal said:


> vincentgallo4president said:
> 
> 
> > Cam'ron wears pink.
> ...


since the midwest is 5 years behind, all the young thugged out kids will be wearing really long (think, dress-length) white tees, or pink tees or polos soon, if they arent already. NJ/NY is finally past the pink this year. (pink on guys trend,i mean. pink on girls i still love...very cute)

killa!


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Whether your a high fashion preppie, Indie Rocker (this is common clothing culture now), Just Be Yourself! Whatever you feel comfy wearing then that's what you should wear. Check out Teen Fashion Mags or People Magazine. If you can't afford the Hollister or Banana Republic Clothing (I can't) check out Walmart, Target or Kmart. You don't have to spend a billion dollars to look good.


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## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

"NJ/NY is finally past the pink this year. (pink on guys trend,i mean. pink on girls i still love...very cute) "

lol...pink on guys is still cute. actually any type of pastel-ish color works for me...hmm...jelly beans


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

So where do I go to find out what nerdy guys who aren't into bands or rock like myself are supposed to wear? I finally graduated to occasionally wearing button-down shirts in late college, but beyond that I'm pretty clueless.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

There's been a lot of women on the site recently, but: http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/200 ... chive.html usually has beautiful men's clothes.


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## Lil' Pimpin? (Jun 14, 2006)

I rock the jeans and t-shirts, usually no logos (I'm not your advertisement.) Sneakers work for me, but I live in a place where you can get away with a tshirt, sneakers, and jeans anywhere. I hate going back to Chicago, (my hometown) because everybody at the bars has sleek clubbing shirts and look like greased up schmucks, (plus I save a lot of money not buying creepy silk shirts.) Ladies, like me for me, not the label on my shirt damnit.


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## Toonia (Jan 26, 2006)

This is an opportunity for you guys to spend time with your friends that are girls. I guarantee there are a lot of girls who would absolutely love shopping with you and figuring out a look for you. It could be an opportunity to interact on simply friendly terms. My husband is completely unconcerned about appearance, but feels comfortable or not in certain types of clothes. I have helped him pick out things that look really striking. 

I realize that "fashion" can seem quite agonizing to many guys and some girls. If it is your desire to have people in general respond to you in a certain way, then clothes and appearance are the quickest path to that end. When I was teaching college classes I was really amazed at how my choice of clothes affected the class behavior. While it feels better for people to value and respect you for yourself, in some ways the response to clothing is way easier to accomplish and control. I suggest viewing it in that light.

I suppose you could even post a thread with guy pics and see what colors and styles the girls/women here online suggest? You could also takes pics of your recent attempts and let us compare and express preferences? It could be a rather unique opportunity to get feedback on appearance from people in general. It could even be rather fun and lighthearted.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Mazikeen said:


> My wardrobe:
> 
> Black dickies
> Black shoes
> ...


That's a lot like my wardrobe. I wear red shoes and skinny black jeans a lot. I also have to wear a jacket at all times.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Hell no, this is girly crap as a completely straight man I refuse to follow these metrosexual fashion trends.


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2006)

jeans, a t-shirt and an unzipped hoodie always do the trick for me :stu


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

For clarification, I wasn't being serious with my last post...well most of it anyhow.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

Fodera said:


> jeans, a t-shirt and an unzipped hoodie always do the trick for me :stu


it does the trick for 80% of 18 year old guys. i would love to wear baggy jeans and hoodies everyday, but people at work would think im 19 (and a scrub)


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Fodera said:


> jeans, a t-shirt and an unzipped hoodie always do the trick for me :stu


That's hot!


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