# Marriage?



## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Just want thoughts on the idea of it in general. I'm not for it. I think that most relationships could get along without it, even if they want to stay with each other for the rest of forever. But, whatever floats your boat.

Also, 60+ years of an agreement to stay with one person is a Heckin long time, and let alone that most people decide on that lifelong committment in their 20s. Maybe we should normalize not dating until your 30s...or at least encourage the practice of really getting to know yourself before you involve a significant other.

But I dont know. I'm just a 25 year old who's never ever dated. Maybe I'd think differently if I had. But I do kind of cringe when I see people younger than me married with one or two kids already. I feel like they just gave up a lot of possibilities so fast. 

Not to trash anyone's lifestyle if they are married. It is kind of the norm.


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## firelight (Jan 31, 2019)

Not that it's relevant to my life but yeah I don't see the value of marriage much either. Maybe in the past when marriage was a cementing bond between families. But now that it's based on the mercurial thing "romantic love", seems like more marriages are failures than not. Perhaps I'd feel differently if it were an actual possibility for me.


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## Shawn81 (Jul 9, 2014)

Not something I'd need. It doesn't create some magical bond that keeps anyone from wandering. I wouldn't want to deal with the anxiety of a traditional wedding with everyone watching. I'm not religious, so it doesn't have any kind of spiritual value. I'm not inherently against it either, but I see no deep meaning in it. I do want a monogamous relationship, but I don't need a certificate to prove we're together. If she wanted it for some reason, fine. A drive-thru wedding with a prenup for some tax breaks would be fine.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

It's a no for me. Can't imagine being with one person for my forever. That takes tons of effort. Plus, I don't do weddings, ever.. mostly ~_~


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Maybe because I'm loyal and have love to give, but I love the idea of living my life with someone. I want to be married and have a simple life, with someone who loves me. Easier said than done of course. I'm also all for eloping, no big wedding for me, which would piss off my family.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I'm going to be 30 in 8 days. I still don't think I'm ready for marriage. 

I'd rather just be someone's boyfriend for 50 years.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

NPC Shawn said:


> Not something I'd need. It doesn't create some magical bond that keeps anyone from wandering. I wouldn't want to deal with the anxiety of a traditional wedding with everyone watching. I'm not religious, so it doesn't have any kind of spiritual value. I'm not inherently against it either, but I see no deep meaning in it.


Exactly.
If anything it would seem to me if anyone pushed too hard for marriage it would be either they have some religious root that holds marriage as the pinnacle of a relationship, or they feel some insecurity with the person they are with unless they have that ring as "security." But it doesn't really promise anything. And religion has definitely done its part keeping marriage as the status quo.

Of course, some people see it as a gesture of greater love to step up and at least verbally make that commitment. Not my thing, but again, whatever floats your boat.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Crisigv said:


> Maybe because I'm loyal and have love to give, but I love the idea of living my life with someone. I want to be married and have a simple life, with someone who loves me. Easier said than done of course. I'm also all for eloping, no big wedding for me, which would piss off my family.


And if that works for you, I hope you find that for yourself &#128578;

I just wish marriage wasn't the automatic expectation for most couples.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Karsten said:


> I'd rather just be someone's boyfriend for 50 years.


That is what I hope becomes the norm. Or at least equally as normal and acceptable as marriage.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I'm for marriage and divorce. Marriage is not a life-long prison for people who don't want to be together anymore, it's a legal framework that establishes a bunch of helpful things. One of those things is how the breakup process will go. Of course for most people it's also about families almost as much as the individuals. And it's about being public, signaling to others. Things that tend to be scary to most socially anxious people.

Personally, I'd like to be with someone for the rest of my life. I'd also plan for that to not happen. At some point, maybe 5 or 10 years in, marriage would probably seem like a good part of the plan to show everyone that we're serious and each other that we won't just walk away from each other at the drop of a hat but also set some rules for how we'd split if necessary.

I guess views on marriage depend a lot on what your personal context of marriage is. Religious families have very different ideas of marriage from secular families. All the married couples I know are secular.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Most people these days are waaaaaaaaaay too narcissistic to enter into a marriage. 
I consider it a community service if these people stay single and especially that they don't procreate.
Oh and romance is dead also, sorry kids!
Post another selfie, you'll feel better.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Paul said:


> I'm for marriage and divorce. Marriage is not a life-long prison for people who don't want to be together anymore, it's a legal framework that establishes a bunch of helpful things. One of those things is how the breakup process will go. Of course for most people it's also about families almost as much as the individuals. And it's about being public, signaling to others. Things that tend to be scary to most socially anxious people.
> 
> Personally, I'd like to be with someone for the rest of my life. I'd also plan for that to not happen. At some point, maybe 5 or 10 years in, marriage would probably seem like a good part of the plan to show everyone that we're serious and each other that we won't just walk away from each other at the drop of a hat but also set some rules for how we'd split if necessary.
> 
> I guess views on marriage depend a lot on what your personal context of marriage is. Religious families have very different ideas of marriage from secular families. All the married couples I know are secular.


Describing marriage as breakup insurance is probably the best argument I've heard for it. (Did that sound sarcastic? It wasn't meant to be, sorry.) However, if I was getting involved with the type of person who I thought I would have to bring the law into our affairs should things go south, that isn't the type of relationship I'm after. I would hope that the person I am with would remain someone I could trust to handle things civilly and fairly even if we do decide to split. If I can't trust someone on that level...it's not the kind of relationship I want.

Also, I dont see marriage as any more of a barrier to leaving at the drop of a hat as not being married, besides having to deal with the legal stuff. Again, I think you just really have to look at the individual. The barrier to leaving is love, not "the ink stains that are dried upon some line," as an old song once put it.

As far as religious context goes, my whole family is very conservative Christian, except me. I'm the secret heathen atheist of the family. Most of them see it as a requirement to be married before sex (at least they would agree that's what the Bible says. Not so great about practicing what they preach.). It also says divorce is wrong except in the case of infidelity. But the Bible also says that staying single is better than marriage because you can focus more on God without a family.

Personally, I think I would be more honored to stay with someone if they trusted me enough to not have to marry me.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

funnynihilist said:


> Most people these days are waaaaaaaaaay too narcissistic to enter into a marriage.
> I consider it a community service if these people stay single and especially that they don't procreate.
> Oh and romance is dead also, sorry kids!
> Post another selfie, you'll feel better.


It's true that there are a lot of people who are married who shouldn't be. There are also a lot of people who have kids who have no business having kids. However, I don't think this has anything to do with "these days" versus "those days." Every generation has it's problems.

The newer generation is learning about self love and self care more so than generations of the past,which I think is positive. (If a plane is crashing, you have to put the oxygen mask over yourself before you think about saving someone else.) But I think that there is also a lot to learn from past generations as well: wisdom generally comes with experience. We just have to learn to learn from each other instead of encouraging a "them vs us" mentality.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Untitled_Painting said:


> However, if I was getting involved with the type of person who I thought I would have to bring the law into our affairs should things go south, that isn't the type of relationship I'm after. I would hope that the person I am with would remain someone I could trust to handle things civilly and fairly even if we do decide to split. If I can't trust someone on that level...it's not the kind of relationship I want.


Reasonable people disagree, and that results in a lot of tension and ill will. Having laws that tell you what to do makes one of the more stressful events in life that much smoother. No fighting over who deserves how much when the law defines a 50/50 split in a community property state. Alimony can be decided by a neutral arbiter. And less tension over money while you're married too because you know where you stand. (Of course you can draw up your own contracts with or without marriage, but marriage is a simple pre-made one you don't have to negotiate.)

Also, many people do change drastically throughout their lives for various reasons. That's probably why you're splitting in the first place. The person you trusted 30 years ago may not be a person you can trust today. It's mutual security, which is something couples usually want for each other.



Untitled_Painting said:


> Most of them see it as a requirement to be married before sex


That is of course a disastrous belief that lures people into bad marriages. Sexual incompatibility ends a lot of relationships, so it'd be crazy to declare a deep commitment before you've found out if you're compatible. (Unless you're both asexual.)



Untitled_Painting said:


> Personally, I think I would be more honored to stay with someone if they trusted me enough to not have to marry me.


And that's understandable since you come from the background where marriages are traps to push people into and make them start pumping out babies. And they teach that their marriages are the only real kind.

Personally, I'd be fine staying with someone who never wanted to marry as long as I understood why. I have an uncle who's been with his girlfriend for ~35 years and I understand their choice because of their previous experiences. But I'd personally prefer to marry since I have no personal reason for hangups about it and besides the legal aspects see it as a beautiful institution through which people declare their happy bond to their social circles and the world at large (of course that would be terrifying anxiety-wise so I'd probably put it off forever, but I'm talking theory here... and granted I can only remember going to 2 marriage ceremonies in my life but they seemed nice).


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't think it really makes sense now. People's marriages often don't last longer than some people's relationships. It doesn't really fit with the culture now. Also the legal aspect was always weird. My mum's youngest sister who is gen X (my mum's a baby boomer large age difference,) has kids and has been in a relationship for 20 odd years and they never got married afaik.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

Crisigv said:


> Maybe because I'm loyal and have love to give, but I love the idea of living my life with someone.


Me tooooo


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

funnynihilist said:


> Most people these days are waaaaaaaaaay too narcissistic to enter into a marriage.
> I consider it a community service if these people stay single and especially that they don't procreate.
> Oh and romance is dead also, sorry kids!
> Post another selfie, you'll feel better.


I think the opposite mostly if anything. Weddings are a way to signal status related bs. And there's a huge industry based around weddings and reality shows as well. Then there's social pressure to get married to prove how much you care about someone else and then people get married to prove how much they care... To other people... Outside of the relationship... Yeah.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Sekiro said:


> Me tooooo


It's a nice dream, eh?


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

Crisigv said:


> It's a nice dream, eh?


Yep.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't have to get married, it's not necessary. But I definitely know the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone and acknowledging that my life would be a little less meaningful without them. So agreeing to commit to someone forever is natural when you care about them that much.

Marrying them and having a wedding would just be an extra plus.


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## doe deer (Oct 9, 2016)

i like it and hope it happens for me


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## love is like a dream (Jan 7, 2011)

in my culture, sex outside of marriage is like a huge horrible thing, and that's what i believe too. 

the wedding thing would be too harsh on my social anxiety though. 
i guess if she accepts me and my anxiety, we perhaps can get married without such a ceremony, but the marriage itself is very necessary.


just another reason why i prefer someone who at least understands what i'm talking about (a beautiful soul from where i live).


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

doe deer said:


> i like it and hope it happens for me


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## doe deer (Oct 9, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


>


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Paul said:


> Reasonable people disagree, and that results in a lot of tension and ill will. Having laws that tell you what to do makes one of the more stressful events in life that much smoother.


I can respect that as a reasonable justification for marriage for some people.



Paul said:


> Also, many people do change drastically throughout their lives for various reasons.


This is true. Also I feel that most people just discover more about what they want for themselves, which is why I feel very strongly against marriage when you are in your 20s, especially early 20s. You should still be exploring your individuality and ideas on your own. Singleness is something that should be enjoyed, not dreaded. That being said, I know there are some who have a better handle on who they are younger than others, and some will never learn.



Paul said:


> That is of course a disastrous belief that lures people into bad marriages. Sexual incompatibility ends a lot of relationships, so it'd be crazy to declare a deep commitment before you've found out if you're compatible.


We are in total agreement on this point.



Paul said:


> Personally, I'd be fine staying with someone who never wanted to marry as long as I understood why.


And personally, I'd be okay with marrying someone if I thought they had reasons other than love as the motivation. As a gesture of affection it wouldn't mean anything to me, and probably just make me more uncomfortable. I wouldn't feel comfortable if it was viewed as a necessary step to show my affection and commitment to the other person. I'd rather them just know me as a person who doesn't just quit on people. I don't use "I love you's" casually. But if they wanted some kind of game plan written out should things go south, I can understand that. But I believe largely today, it is an expectation and it is done mostly for emotional reasons rather than legal ones.


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## Kinable (Apr 25, 2013)

I've been pro-marriage since before I became Christian, it's always been one of my goals in life. The idea of picking someone to spend the rest of your life with who feels the same is better than any other type of relationship imo. There's a certain beauty to it that has unfortunately been both lost and ruined in this day and age.

I feel like most people get married nowadays for reasons outside of love, most that I know got married after their first kid and live miserably. I see why God advises against premarital sex, some people use pregnancy to lock down a partner and then they get married out of obligation and not love. It's very common which is one reason the divorce rate is so high.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

A relationship has never been in the cards for me so the entire marriage issue is moot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

love is like a dream said:


> the wedding thing would be too harsh on my social anxiety though.


Yeah, I definitely wouldn't want a big ceremony.


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Kinable said:


> I feel like most people get married nowadays for reasons outside of love, most that I know got married after their first kid and live miserably. I see why God advises against premarital sex, some people use pregnancy to lock down a partner and then they get married out of obligation and not love. It's very common which is one reason the divorce rate is so high.


I think even getting married for love is a problem. I know couples who seemed to be in love at the beginning, but then they ended up not caring for each other at all at the end of it. Many people do have very good intentions at the beginning... but then the rose colored glasses fade, or just like the first time they fall in love, they find they can fall in love again even though they are already in a relationship (which is not a failing on anyone's part, we are wired to love and to want to be with people. A ring won't change that.)

Obligation is never a good reason to have any kind of a relationship with anyone. Even parents or family members.

As for the divorce rate being so high, I think it has multiple factors. One of which is just that it's easier these days to get one: when women could finally own property they had the means to divorce and still land on their feet, which opened them up to leave instead of being stuck in a bad marriage. And there are less hoops you have to jump through to get a divorce these days. Divorce is more acceptable even in religious circles. 
There's a blog about it if you'd like to read:
https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/why-divorce-rates-are-so-high-myth


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Kinable said:


> I've been pro-marriage since before I became Christian, it's always been one of my goals in life. The idea of picking someone to spend the rest of your life with who feels the same is better than any other type of relationship imo. There's a certain beauty to it that has unfortunately been both lost and ruined in this day and age.
> 
> I feel like most people get married nowadays for reasons outside of love, most that I know got married after their first kid and live miserably. I see why God advises against premarital sex, some people use pregnancy to lock down a partner and then they get married out of obligation and not love. It's very common which is one reason the divorce rate is so high.


Romantic love is actually more of a recent thing and a luxury. I think for most of history people got married out of obligation to start a family and unite families and to gain resources it was kind of like a business transaction (dowries.) They weren't in love.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Romantic love is actually more of a recent thing and a luxury. I think for most of history people got married out of obligation to start a family and unite families and to gain resources it was kind of like a business transaction (dowries.) They weren't in love.


That's what I heard on NPR last month:


> For much of history, love was seen as a threat to marriage
> 
> [Marriage] was a very important economic institution, too important to be ruled entirely by such a fleeting emotion -- people thought -- as love. Now, young people have always dreamed and fantasized about being able to marry for love. But it's no accident that most of the great love stories in history, romance novels, ended in tragedy.
> 
> For thousands of years, love was almost considered a threat to marriage, because this could lead young people into defying their parents' attempts to arrange a good political and economic alliance with other families. The tradition in Western Europe was, yes, love was a good thing if it happens to come after marriage. But it's not a good reason for marriage and it's in fact a very frivolous and scary reason for marriage. And that was true right up until the 18th century.


https://www.wnpr.org/post/why-love-and-marriage-didnt-always-go-hand-hand

I am also reading this:


> Numerous studies conducted over the past 150 years suggest that marriage is good for health.


https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health

But that's for men. I read that married women report being less happy than single women. 


> British behavioural scientist Paul Dolan ignited a firestorm of controversy recently when he claimed that wives are "miserable," while women who opt out of marriage and kids lead much better lives.


https://www.theglobeandmail.com/lif...ried-or-single-a-fresh-controversy-lays-bare/

So maybe men should marry men. Or their cats? I wish I could marry kitty.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

I dont wanna marry. But if someone proposes to me, I would say yes. I believe that if people marry, it should only be for love and forever.


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## jhinds (May 30, 2011)

Never wanted to marry. Being married or not should have no effect on how two people feel for each other, so I fail to see the point. Signing a contract with the US government as a 3rd party can bring messy complications for one or both partners when things go sour, particularly in a no-fault state. 

Most of the divorced women I dated were ultimately unhappy in their marriage, and the majority of those women said they would never marry again. Not saying there are no happy marriages, but I dont like the odds.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

scarpia said:


> So maybe men should marry men. Or their cats? I wish I could marry kitty.


Well it is current year, so I think some have said why not both?:




























edit: Although looking at the third link you posted it seems that claim that married women are miserable (or more miserable than single women,) was based on an incorrect analysis. They're just less happy compared to men and single women have less severe outcomes compared to men but that's kind of obvious tbh and probably has to do with men not usually having strong friendships etc:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D7_Hl3pX4AERka1?format=png&name=900x900

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D7_HsZ5X4AEiGY4?format=jpg&name=medium


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## Untitled_Painting (Apr 5, 2020)

Another issue with it is I think there are a lot of stereotypes about marriage too....like it being more mature, more responsible, and that the couples are somehow showing more loyalty to each other by verbally agreeing to stay together. But so many people go back on their word and cheat.

And then there's the assumption that people who avoid marriage are afraid of commitment or don't want anything serious.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Not for it, personally. Even small weddings cost a fortune for most people these days, it would be easier to keep that money in your pocket for a rainy day.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

It's always interesting reading threads like these. 

My son mentioned to me a while ago that's it's frightening thinking of having to find someone that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I was actually pretty surprised - I've never thought of marriage in that way, even before I was married. (and I've been married for 30 years)

To me it would make no difference if we were legally married or not - I'll always be there for my wife. We have a very close bond and she's the mother of my son. I'd do anything for her. That being said we live apart and I wouldn't expect her to put up with me all the time.

My advice would be don't think of it as something you're committing to for the rest of your life. I barely knew my wife when we got married and we've both changed so much it's unbelievable. Life is far more complicated than you think it is at say 25 or 30. It's crazy - and if you can find someone to spend at least some of it with I'd recommend doing it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

scarpia said:


> That's what I heard on NPR last month:
> 
> https://www.wnpr.org/post/why-love-and-marriage-didnt-always-go-hand-hand
> 
> ...


Actually the tragic romantic love thing for heterosexual people in fiction is interesting (because it's true,) because they still have the same thematic pattern in homosexual stories. Maybe that's why I like so many of these stories because it's also a tragic impossibility (I actually prefer happy endings though in fiction that's why I read fanfiction, well 1 reason.) On the other hand it might just be because Tristan and Iseult has Tristan and that was a character in a Sim story I was reading as a teenager (it was Tristan and Emily though, but it was inspired by that story) and also one of my favourite (gay ironically,) musicians at the time decided to role play him in a song. And then I used the name Tristan for lots of characters for a while. I also used the name Emily everywhere but that was more because of Emily the strange lmao.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Well it is current year, so I think some have said why not both?:
> 
> edit: Although looking at the third link you posted it seems that claim that married women are miserable (or more miserable than single women,) was based on an incorrect analysis. They're just less happy compared to men and single women have less severe outcomes compared to men but that's kind of obvious tbh and probably has to do with men not usually having strong friendships etc:
> 
> ...


This is a 2006 research study:



> Wedding rings should come with a health warning - at least for women. New research reveals that while wedlock helps men to live longer, it shortens a woman's life by more than a year.
> 
> Marriage helps husbands to an extra 1.7 years, but it knocks 1.4 years off the average wife's lifespan, according to the study of more than 100,000 people across Europe.
> 
> ...


https://webcache.googleusercontent....e-wife-5335547.html+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

Sex kills women - just as I thought!


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

scarpia said:


> This is a 2006 research study:
> 
> https://webcache.googleusercontent....e-wife-5335547.html+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
> 
> Sex kills women - just as I thought!


I feel like we have almost reversed Devil's advocate positions in this thread which is funny haha but honestly I haven't looked into this topic enough to know what the consensus is. I just know that a lot of the headlines a few years ago pointing this out were evidently based on a misinterpretation of research.

I wonder if guys live longer because they meet each other half way so single guys are more reckless/impulsive than those in relationships and single women are less impulsive/reckless. This doesn't really sound right to me though especially women with kids seem ridiculously overly cautious about everything, so probably not.

I bet it's all the time single women have for orgasms. Yes.

Google help me out.

Confirmation bias:

https://www.sharecare.com/health/live-to-one-hundred/article/live-longer-if-you-have-more-orgasms

Oh there's a song for this one too.








> Note: "I can even take him in the bath" is NOT the line she uses in concert.


Is it I can even **** him in the *** or something? I bet it is. I've seen them live too and they played this song and I can't remember haha. It's not my favourite song by them this one probably is?:

https://@www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGgsVRk96Qo


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I feel like we have almost reversed Devil's advocate positions in this thread which is funny haha but honestly I haven't looked into this topic enough to know what the consensus is. I just know that a lot of the headlines a few years ago pointing this out were evidently based on a misinterpretation of research.
> 
> I wonder if guys live longer because they meet each other half way so single guys are more reckless/impulsive than those in relationships and single women are less impulsive/reckless. This doesn't really sound right to me though especially women with kids seem ridiculously overly cautious about everything, so probably not.
> 
> I bet it's all the time single women have for orgasms. Yes.


It's hard to take most of these studies seriously. Your big O study said that p-V was better for women. I'm available ladies!










All I know is that I know a lot of single old ladies - from going to the opera- that seem happy enough.


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I do want to get married eventually. Before I wasn't into the idea too much, but as I've gotten older I've warmed up to the idea of being someone's wife and someone being my husband for real. Life is short and I really want to experience it at least once in my life. Eventually.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I've been married. And I have wanted it again up until the last year or 2. I've really started to... accept that the kind of love/ the way I want to be loved may not be on offer from a man. And unfortunately I'm hetero so... it is what it is. It's better to be single than in a relationship constantly disappointed so I'll pass. I think the fact that I'm used to being alone (in life generally) and that I have been around the worst of pple with all the abuse ****, I have very little tolerance for some of what you have to tolerate in order to be with someone over a lifetime (without resorting to murder that is lol.)


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

scarpia said:


> It's hard to take most of these studies seriously. Your big O study said that p-V was better for women. I'm available ladies!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It's funny that it's an article about orgasms and they bring up intercourse in an off topic way like just stretching the area out but not relating it to orgasms. But then other studies show that only 18% of women can orgasm from piv alone so I assume the benefits are unrelated to orgasms:

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530

Yeah I think older people generally grow out of relationships, they have less of a need for them especially if they have other entertainment and friendships.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I can't even get the D.

I, A, M, O, N, D, R, I, N, and G aren't in the cards.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

Different strokes for different folks (and, sometimes, different strokes for different times in one's life). I'm on the fence, leaning towards 'no'. 

Pros:
1) marriage tax rebate, about £200 a year I think
2) potentially, I could get two new passports?
3) security in case something happens to one of us
4) my partner's last name is better sounding than mine
5) there's some inheritance money which can only be spent on a wedding. I don't think there's any small print saying I have to invite guests? 

Cons:

1) getting called a wife and calling someone a husband makes me cringe. I know it has the opposite effect for some people, which is cool, but it just kills my ladyboner.
2) I would get lots of approval from family/relatives and I really don't want that approval.
3) I don't know whether I want to change my last name, it bugs me from the feminist standpoint
4) I'd get harrassed to have children even more. Ugh.
5) my family would get majorly upset about not being invited, but I just can't stand the idea of having a wedding with guests and being the centre of attention.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

truant said:


> I can't even get the D.
> 
> I, A, M, O, N, D, R, I, N, and G aren't in the cards.


It took me a really long time to figure out what those letters spell, but I did in the end.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

rabidfoxes said:


> Different strokes for different folks (and, sometimes, different strokes for different times in one's life). I'm on the fence, leaning towards 'no'.
> 
> Pros:
> 1) marriage tax rebate, about £200 a year I think
> ...


That's a really big deal for someone with social anxiety. I hated it too - and we didn't even have a very big wedding. It scared the hell out of me.

Also with the names it _is_ pretty weird how the woman takes the guy's name. You could still keep your name if you wanted, I have no idea why my wife wanted to use mine - she had a much nicer (Italian) name than my boring one.

Maybe I should have taken her's - but my first name is actually the same as her Dad's so that would have been a bit weird too.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Someone pointed out recently online that taking your dad's name is also patriarchal which I hadn't considered but is true. Could just come up with a new one together I guess.


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## rabidfoxes (Apr 17, 2016)

@harrison @Persephone The Dread

Then again, you don't need to get married to change your name if that's what you want to do  I've considered that, but it would really pain my father and it's not that important to me, so I've shelved that idea. We should have a global rite where at a certain age a person discards their 'temporary' given name and names themselves. That would put an end to all that name drama.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It took me a really long time to figure out what those letters spell, but I did in the end.


Haha, sorry. I didn't intend it to be skill-testing. All those years of solving word puzzles has conditioned you to expect the solution to be more complicated than it was. :b


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Someone pointed out recently online that taking your dad's name is also patriarchal which I hadn't considered but is true. Could just come up with a new one together I guess.


If I ever get married I plan on taking my partner's name.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Sekiro said:


> Persephone The Dread said:
> 
> 
> > Someone pointed out recently online that taking your dad's name is also patriarchal which I hadn't considered but is true. Could just come up with a new one together I guess.
> ...


I'll only take their last name if I like it better than mine.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

^ Or use your last name and follow it with your partner's last name. (ex; Lee-Smith)

At least that's how my family has done it. :stu


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

CNikki said:


> ^ Or use your last name and follow it with your partner's last name. (ex; Lee - Smith)
> 
> At least that's how my family has done it.


Feel like that works only if you both have short last names lol


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

funnynihilist said:


> Most people these days are waaaaaaaaaay too narcissistic to enter into a marriage.
> I consider it a community service if these people stay single and especially that they don't procreate.
> Oh and romance is dead also, sorry kids!
> Post another selfie, you'll feel better.


 lmao! Ain't that the truth haha.

Anyway, id like to get married if i could.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

@Scrub-Zero why would you wanna get married after agreeing with him?


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

aqwsderf said:


> I'll only take their last name if I like it better than mine.


Any last name is better than mine because I don't want anything to do with my family.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

YES, thank you very much


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think it's a scary thing. Idk if I'd be able to pick the right person. Plus I feel like wedding ceremonies are dumb and overhyped.


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## Harveykinkle (Apr 26, 2019)

If I thought she was my bashert then I might.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

Ominous Indeed said:


> YES, thank you very much


You'll find someone Buttercup don't worry.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Sekiro said:


> Any last name is better than mine because I don't want anything to do with my family.


mhm. i kinda wanna change my last name myself but i don't think it would be worth the social repercussions/questions. i even have a name in mind ~_~ i couuuuld say i'm a radical feminist but i'd rather not.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> @*Scrub-Zero* why would you wanna get married after agreeing with him?


If the right one comes along and all, and me being kind of old fashion a bit.

I'm always hoping there's people out there who would like the more traditional way of doing things. But in general i wouldn't get married unless im really sure. Divorces are often too nasty.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

cafune said:


> mhm. i kinda wanna change my last name myself but i don't think it would be worth the social repercussions/questions. i even have a name in mind ~_~ i couuuuld say i'm a radical feminist but i'd rather not.


I mean if I don't end up getting married I'll end up changing it.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > @*Scrub-Zero* why would you wanna get married after agreeing with him?
> ...


Ok. Yeah no one likes divorces unless it's convenient to them. So you believe in love then?


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Sekiro said:


> I mean if I don't end up getting married I'll end up changing it.


mm, i see. i feel like the sooner, the better for me. i mean, it sometimes doesn't do to rack up credentials and then change a last name #_&


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> So you believe in love then?


Of course.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > So you believe in love then?
> ...


All the best, then.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> All the best, then.


Thank you, same to you 

Hopefully your threat about dating someone here will pan out.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > All the best, then.
> ...


What do you mean? Lol. Thanks!


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> What do you mean? Lol. Thanks!


Didn't you make a thread about that? Maybe im thinking of someone else. But if you, then good luck hehe.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > What do you mean? Lol. Thanks!
> ...


Ohh yes, I did. Oh my gosh you remembered haha. Yes it was me who started that thread.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Will marry Porcupine Tree's entire back catalogue though:











I couldn't actually decide:


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> Ohh yes, I did. Oh my gosh you remembered haha. Yes it was me who started that thread.


Yeah, I remember. It made me laugh a bit.


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > Ohh yes, I did. Oh my gosh you remembered haha. Yes it was me who started that thread.
> ...


So you didnt take the thread serious? I might do it soon again haha


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## Slacker (Apr 30, 2017)

I come from a catholic family, yet I feel marriage is outdated. It's an archaic ritual of the past. I was with someone for so many years and it didn't work out but in the end we are still talking, even friends. I believe if marriage/divorce/lawyers happened, we would hate each other. 

Not sure why you need to lock yourself into someone by law. You either do or you don't...


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> So you didnt take the thread serious? I might do it soon again haha


oh yes and no, I mean I figured you were serious enough and your pm box would fill up quick haha.


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## Suchness (Aug 13, 2011)

aqwsderf said:


> I don't have to get married, it's not necessary. But I definitely know the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone and acknowledging that my life would be a little less meaningful without them. So agreeing to commit to someone forever is natural when you care about them that much.
> 
> Marrying them and having a wedding would just be an extra plus.


The question is, does Jack want to get married?


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Suchness said:


> The question is, does Jack want to get married?


Jacks heart belongs to the sea


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > So you didnt take the thread serious? I might do it soon again haha
> ...


Haha noo. My pm box was still empty.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Elle Knight said:


> Haha noo. My pm box was still empty.


Aww no takers...


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## Elle Knight (Jan 18, 2019)

Scrub-Zero said:


> Elle Knight said:
> 
> 
> > Haha noo. My pm box was still empty.
> ...


None &#128533;


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