# How do you SA people get a significant other?



## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I hope this topic doesn't annoy people but I want to know how you people do it. I can't even score a date. It's really mind blowing how some of the people here can get significant others. How'd you do it? Where did you meet her/him? How did you gather the courage to talk to them? What do you say? Help me out please . I can't even talk to guys because I have no idea what to say and yes I get nervous now.


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## blask3 (Nov 27, 2005)

:ditto opcorn


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## KimberlyK (Nov 11, 2004)

I met my husband at work. We had been friends for a couple of years and then one year he asked me to go to the company Christmas party. Since we were friends already it was pretty easy to talk to him. I had developed a trust during our friendship that carried over into our relationship. I spent many years before that alone and not dating anyone, he was my first real date.


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## Mehitabel (Oct 13, 2006)

Well, I'm afraid I won't be much help. Even though my boyfriend and I both knew we liked each other since the moment we laid eyes on each other in grade 10, it took us two years to do anything about it. And HE was the one who started talking to me. I was WAY too nervous to say anything to him. My situation is kind of... I don't know. I find it sort of fairy tale-ish. 

So the way I see it now is that if you like someone, don't think right away that they don't like you, or that they don't have any interest in you. Because it's completely and entirely possible. It's easier to talk to someone if you find out something you have in common with them. Like a movie, or a band, or a hobby. Then you guys can do something planned around that.


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## Lilangel27 (Oct 6, 2006)

Mehitabel said:


> Well, I'm afraid I won't be much help. Even though my boyfriend and I both knew we liked each other since the moment we laid eyes on each other in grade 10, it took us two years to do anything about it. And HE was the one who started talking to me. I was WAY too nervous to say anything to him. My situation is kind of... I don't know. I find it sort of fairy tale-ish.


That is very awesome....

(Not to change the subject)...

Sometimes I kind of wish I could go back in time to High school, and would actually talk to the one or two people that I would watch from a far.......Unfortunently that can't happen..


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## Mehitabel (Oct 13, 2006)

Lilangel27 said:


> Mehitabel said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I'm afraid I won't be much help. Even though my boyfriend and I both knew we liked each other since the moment we laid eyes on each other in grade 10, it took us two years to do anything about it. And HE was the one who started talking to me. I was WAY too nervous to say anything to him. My situation is kind of... I don't know. I find it sort of fairy tale-ish.
> ...


 ops Thanks. I honestly think I could go on for hours about how much I love him.

This is why I think it's so important to at least get to know your crushes. You never know what might come of it. And you really never know if they feel the same about you.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Mehitabel said:


> Well, I'm afraid I won't be much help. Even though my boyfriend and I both knew we liked each other since the moment we laid eyes on each other in grade 10, it took us two years to do anything about it. And HE was the one who started talking to me. I was WAY too nervous to say anything to him. My situation is kind of... I don't know. I find it sort of fairy tale-ish.
> 
> So the way I see it now is that if you like someone, don't think right away that they don't like you, or that they don't have any interest in you. Because it's completely and entirely possible. It's easier to talk to someone if you find out something you have in common with them. Like a movie, or a band, or a hobby. Then you guys can do something planned around that.


You're very lucky. I wish something like that happens to me. I'm currently talking to a guy who won't stop flirting with me. He said he'd do anything with me if we date. He said that sex should wait and all that good stuff, but he feels that he can share that intimate behavior with me. He kinda made it obvious he's interested in me. He even said if we kiss we'd basically be seeing each other exclusively. So I said something like if the hangout goes well you'd kiss me. He said yes. I really doubt he likes me though. Obviously when you date someone you're gonna want to do everything with them. He just wants some.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

> How do you SA people get a significant other?


 SA affects different people in different ways. Some people have severe issues talking to the opposite gender, others don't :stu


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

Mehitabel said:


> HE was the one who started talking to me. I was WAY too nervous to say anything to him. My situation is kind of... I don't know. I find it sort of fairy tale-ish.


This is what I am expecting out of my first relationship, whenever that will be. I imagine someone who will be able to see past how standoffish I am and will care about me enough to be persistant to know me, and won't give up. I could go on and on, but long story short I have this picture in my head and if it isn't any other way I feel threatened by it.

Wish I could say how I met my (nonexistant) boyfriend... I wish I could say that a certain guy I've not been able to stop thinking about for two years was my boyfriend. Oh well. *sigh*


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## lubs (Sep 17, 2006)

I met my boyfriend online. I have enough problems holding conversations in person with regular people...but trying to do so with guys I'm attracted to is just impossible! It took me a long time to open up to my boyfriend...the first few times we hung out, I was silent like 90% of the time. I guess I am lucky that he was so patient with me and didn't turn out to be a creep.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

deadrun said:


> I can't even score a date. .


Uhh... You have in various posts stated that guys like you and want to go on a date with you :con


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## RacerX (Jun 12, 2006)

I don't know how to score a date either. Can someone write out the steps or something? I'd like to give it a try but I just don't know where to start. Right now I'm sitting at my computer with no female contacts...where do I go from there? Where do I go? How do I know who to talk to? What do I say? How do I get a date from there? What do I do even do on the date? What happens after that? I have so many questions which just creates this growing avalanche of frustration.


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## mayblue (Oct 1, 2005)

I don't know how to do it either. I'm too scared to do online dating, and I don't do anything in my real life where I can meet guys.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

deadrun said:


> How do you SA people get a significant other?


I don't


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## ExtremeE (Dec 11, 2005)

It's all about confidence, actually.


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## BMSMA1A2B3 (Apr 7, 2006)

Meet online, but move it offline asap.

Maybe it's just me, but I would think it would be easier if you're a hot chic (eg, *Message* & *lubs*).

Being an ugly guy with SA... it's hard.


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## mayblue (Oct 1, 2005)

BMSMA1A2B3 said:


> Maybe it's just me, but I would think it would be easier if you're a hot chic.


Yep, that would probably help.


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## better days (May 3, 2006)

luck, and myspace helps too. theres rarly an awkward silence when your talking to someone online.


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## SADLiath (Aug 5, 2005)

We were both involved with 4-H Junior Leaders in high school. It went from there. 

Then we went to Short Course over the summer, where you compete in different contests related to your 4-H project, and there are dances every night. Of course, I don't dance, so he sat off to the side with me. Somehow I managed to talk most of the time.

The next few days, he asked me to go places ... another dance, breakfast, things like that. Then after we got home, he actually called me.

We broke up when I decided to go to a boarding school, but when I was visiting my parents a couple of years later, somebody told him I was back, and he showed up at my parents' house. The rest ... is history.

I'd say it's like a fairy tale, but it my case it's really not. I mean, after we got back together everything we had was destroyed. In our case it's more like "couple overcomes extreme adversity".


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Internet. It's ended badly every time. I'm still very good friends with my first boyfriend, at least...

xoxo
Maggi


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## ExtremeE (Dec 11, 2005)

valerie said:


> shnjb said:
> 
> 
> > It's all about confidence, actually.
> ...


Exactly. Confidence's the problem. We don't have it.

I mean, if you just approach to that someone, there's a good chance that that someone will approach you back in some way btu since we don't have any confidence, we never make a first step and therefore we don't have that significant other.

I know that whenevr I had enough courage to approach to some girls, I had some succes..it's just that I can't do it consistantly.

I lack confience...and most people here I'm sure.

There's your answer. Be confident and results will come..


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

mayblue said:


> BMSMA1A2B3 said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe it's just me, but I would think it would be easier if you're a hot chic.
> ...


That's not really my problem there... since most guys think I'm good looking... but usually all they want is sex from me. Well the guys I've encountered. So that doesn't help.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

shnjb said:


> valerie said:
> 
> 
> > shnjb said:
> ...


Well how do the SA people get a significant other then? They probably have low self confidence too. So you're basically telling me they gained self confidence and talked to the opposite sex and whamo they start dating... then that's everybody you're saying right there.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Carbon Breather said:


> deadrun said:
> 
> 
> > I can't even score a date. .
> ...


Yes, but I have trouble talking to them. :hide


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Haha, I remember the last guy I went out with, he did most of the talking. I didn't have much to say and I felt stupid. He didn't hang in there long enough to really get to know me so F him. I am learning that confidence goes a long way. I second-guess myself a lot and I'm not completely myself when I go out on dates. It takes time for me to loosen up.


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## lubs (Sep 17, 2006)

I believe you have to have _some_ self-confidence. If you have absolutely zero self-confidence, then chances are you will get nowhere with the opposite sex. There are risks of rejection involved in getting a significant other and you need to at least have the confidence to take these risks.

I don't have the self-confidence to date around or even talk to guys I'm attracted to. I have been approached/hit on by guys, but I've always shy'd away from it so that nothing ever happened. With the internet, I'm like a different person though. I can chat or flirt and basically be myself and open up to others. Doesn't mean I won't be nervous or dead quiet when I finally meet these people IRL. I worry about them thinking I'm gross, I worry that they'll stop talking to me, I worry that they'll be disappointed with me...tons of insecurities fill my head due to my low confidence level. But if the other person really likes you and they're patient enough to stick with you, then soon enough, you'll be comfortable around them and a relationship will come into bloom. That's how it's worked for me. I know the online dating concept may be icky or even dangerous, but if you have a hard time getting to know people in person, then perhaps the internet is a good alternative if you're careful? In the years I've been online, I've only met 3 guys...#1 turned out to be a creep who was married, #2 went out with me twice and decided I was too quiet, and #3 is my current boyfriend of over 2 years. I can't believe that I just basically summed up my personal life/history on a public forum full of strangers, but I hope my insight and experience can help someone on here find what they're looking for.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Wow, well it's great that you found your boyfriend on the third try. I haven't had much luck with it honestly. The guys turned out to be pricks, but at the same time I realize there are certain things I need to do differently.
It is easier to be open on the internet. I also worry about what they will think of me in person, but so far I've been told I'm even prettier in person which makes me feel good.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

lubs said:


> I believe you have to have _some_ self-confidence. If you have absolutely zero self-confidence, then chances are you will get nowhere with the opposite sex. There are risks of rejection involved in getting a significant other and you need to at least have the confidence to take these risks.
> 
> I don't have the self-confidence to date around or even talk to guys I'm attracted to. I have been approached/hit on by guys, but I've always shy'd away from it so that nothing ever happened. With the internet, I'm like a different person though. I can chat or flirt and basically be myself and open up to others. Doesn't mean I won't be nervous or dead quiet when I finally meet these people IRL. I worry about them thinking I'm gross, I worry that they'll stop talking to me, I worry that they'll be disappointed with me...tons of insecurities fill my head due to my low confidence level. But if the other person really likes you and they're patient enough to stick with you, then soon enough, you'll be comfortable around them and a relationship will come into bloom. That's how it's worked for me. I know the online dating concept may be icky or even dangerous, but if you have a hard time getting to know people in person, then perhaps the internet is a good alternative if you're careful? In the years I've been online, I've only met 3 guys...#1 turned out to be a creep who was married, #2 went out with me twice and decided I was too quiet, and #3 is my current boyfriend of over 2 years. I can't believe that I just basically summed up my personal life/history on a public forum full of strangers, but I hope my insight and experience can help someone on here find what they're looking for.


Thanks it helps. I've tried to meet guys online, but I even have bad luck on there. Basically I get bad luck around guys online and offline. I almost went out with this guy I met on Myspace last year, but it didn't work. We liked each other a lot and we 98% almost went out, but I ****ing screwed it up. Can't believe I did that. And today (yes today on Halloween) I screwed up with another guy I've been talking to. I don't know. I'm really bad with guys. It's horrible. I don't know how to talk to them and when I do I end up messing it up really bad before I even get the chance to go out with them. It's really frustrating me. As if having to approach a guy isn't hard enough, but messing it up with them before going out is ****ing ridiculous. I really don't know why it's like this. I'm pretty frustrated at the moment. The guy gets hurt, I get hurt. What the %$()*^)$(^*$)^($*^!!! I'm just bad with guys, period. I can't talk to them. When I finally do it gets ****ed up before I can even go out with them.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

Well,I had a long relationship who lasted for 3 years.I met him when I was 20 and that was my first serious relationship..But it ended,not because of SA but other things..
We met at a concert and he approached me,but didn't talk much then.I think the thing was that he accepted that and it took a long time for me to open up to him..

And now I've been single for a year,but I can't honestly say that I have met anyone of interest online or in real life..


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

You guys are so lucky. I wish this happened to me. I don't get like what do you say to guys? What do you talk about? How did you let it happen???


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Bump. I know there are more people into relationships. I need help, please.


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