# Anyone else have a job but no life?



## Nightwisher

I see a lot of people here who have social issues that have kept them from having jobs and being financially independent. I sympathize with them, and can't imagine how hard that must be. Having issues that stop you from getting out there and making something of yourself and no one understanding and blaming you for what you are...I couldn't imagine. 

I have a job, have been working since I was sixteen and can support myself. I never really tried college because I was so bad at math. I always said "I'll go back...I'll go back..." and now I'm 31 and it I'm wondering how that will work out if at all. 

I have a job, am in the middle of getting a promotion and pay my rent and all...but I have no life. I've never really had friends I could just call up and hang out with and never had a girlfriend. If I wasn't working I would be at home surfing the web, writing fiction or playing video games. Having friends that I could just hand out with has been my fantasy my entire life.

And the biggest irony is: I work in a restaurant. I'm a server in fine dining, soon to be sommelier (wine geek) and I am AWFUL with people outside of the business. I mean, in the restaurant I know what to say and I know what to expect. It's all formalities that I could do with my eyes closed and it's like you're talking to people, but not really talking to them. It's like reading a script. 

I could easily talk to a thousand people about wine and food with no problem, but I am terrified of making an *** out of myself by talking to a personal casually just to talk. 

Anyone else have a decent career life...but no LIFE life?


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## dismiss

Yes.

I also suck at math. I never went to college. I've been working six age 15. On my own since 17.

I work full time at a psych hospital. Sounds very different than your work... But, I think In have some idea how you feel.

I have no life. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my time alone...But, I do wish I had people I could hang out with. 

Dating again would be nice too.

Idk, soon... As the weather gets nicer, I think I'm going to really start going out alone. Am tired of waiting. Nothing will happen until I make it happen. May try internet dating again... But I have doubts about that ever working out.


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## zork2001

Yes I know how you feel. I have always been working since 16 too; even during college full time I would work a part time job. Unlike you though I have had good friends during a lot of my life. I had at least 4 really good friends from 5 to 14 until my parents decided to move. When I started High School in my new area I was at least able to make 2 really good friends until we graduated. I went off to the dorms for college and somehow I was able to meet people at the start and was able to make 2 really good friends along with a lot of other acquaintances for the 4 years of college. After that though… for the last 8 years nothing. I have a good career, bought a big house 4 years ago but I have hardly anything to do. I work, exercise, play on the computer with an occasional house project or temporary hobby in-between. I have never been able to make a friend from any job that I have ever had, it just does not seem to be the right atmosphere for it. 

Where does one go that is not a very good talker and that is longer than a one time event to help build up that comfort zone to make friendship even possible?


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## Evo1114

My job is my life, pretty much. If I'm bored, that's usually the first (sometimes the only) thing I can think of doing to get out of my apartment.


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## pati

I have no life and my job makes me feel very unfulfilled. Basically I have neither.


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## AngelClare

I have a job and almost no life. I have friends but not enough to reach critical mass needed to have an active social life. 

My ex-girlfriend is probably my closest friend which is sad considering how horrible she can be. My other friends are married with kids. They have no time. They need permission from the wife to do anything. Lucky to hang with them once a month. 

I started volunteering at a GED program last summer. This has helped a lot. I go there Tuesdays and Thursdays. Better than going home alone. My students are almost friends. 

I'm also thinking about joining a meetup group. Considering poker or film.


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## cavemanslaststand

AngelClare said:


> I have a job and almost no life. I have friends but not enough to reach critical mass needed to have an active social life.
> 
> My ex-girlfriend is probably my closest friend which is sad considering how horrible she can be. My other friends are married with kids. They have no time. They need permission from the wife to do anything. Lucky to hang with them once a month.
> 
> *I started volunteering at a GED program last summer.* This has helped a lot. I go there Tuesdays and Thursdays. Better than going home alone. My students are almost friends.
> 
> I'm also thinking about joining a meetup group. Considering poker or film.


Me too except I've been tutoring some college students.

I don't have time for poker or film though as I have a host of last generation stuff to worry about.

This past week another last generation issue came up, and I highly doubt I even have time for volunteer tutoring anymore considering my life has itself been a mess.


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## DarrellLicht

I work two-week rotations at my job. I feel more balanced when I'm at work, even though I like being around 10% of the crew members. by the fourth day on, I'm already sick of looking at everybody..

When i'm on my two weeks off, My only means of interaction is this over this forum.. and when my mom and dad decide they want to call me up on the phone.

I don't think I deliberately avoid people. I'm always nice to a cashier or some stranger whenever I'm out. I don't feel I'm in any position to proposition anybody.. 

It's a great advantage for me to travel places and take up hobbies, but I'm experiencing motivation issues.


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## hawkmoon

That's all I have is work. I don't know anyone here, and I have fought to go to a few meetups. It was hard, but it is getting easier.


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## rensational

I don't have a life and haven't had one since I left grad school. If you have SA and never went beyond high school, I can't see how you ever had a life because school is the only reason I ever had one. It seems impossible to meet people you click with otherwise.

I have a job, and I tend to feel like it keeps me from having a life, as well, which is probably not true. I am tired after work, and I deal with people all day, as well. I'm not sure that SA has a lot to do with my not having a life--I'm not scared of interacting with people or how I'll look. It's more so just how difficult it is to find the right people. But I always feel like if I had more free time it'd be easier, even though when I used to have free time I did spend a lot of it at home or doing things that don't really lead to making new friends/dates.


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## elvin jones

Yeah. I have a job, plenty of hobbies and things I like to do. But even then I am still bored all the time. I only sleep like 4-5 hours a night so that leaves me with too much free time after work. I don't know what is missing in my life but there is definitely a void.


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## millenniumman75

I do have some activities outside of work, but I need friends.


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## frank81

I love my job & I rarely hang out with friends due to busy working hours. But I treat my co-workers like my friends, so not too different I think. I only got to meet some of my friends probably once or twice a year. Planning for a vacation with my friends, probably around year end.


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## Reprise

been a shift worker i tend to work abnormal hours which screw up any chance of a social life outside work (another excuse) i spend most of my idle time either hanging out with my flatmates, but never rarely getting outside that.

I do on one day of the week go to a boxing class, and i might have a chit-chat with some of the boys there..but it never rarely escalates beyond the class.

Most of the people i have met are through active groups outside work, i perfer meeting people outside work, cause usually i find with workmates you always end up talking about the job..as opposed to meeting somebody from a completely different background...though i perfer people from the lower end of the social economic scale, only because they are simple, and the not so caught up in all the rush to make lots of money...


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## Buerhle

Sort of, ya. My job field is getting squeezed though, so you never know, soon I'll have nada.
no job no life. 

: )


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## Implicate

I am tired after work, and don't much desire a traditional "social life" so it is work and then hobbies/interests/reading and then bed for me.


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## Fenren

No I have no job and no life now, but when I did have steady work I still didn't have a life besides it really. But I'd rather work and have no life, than no employment and broke with no life, especially if it's a job I actually enjoy and that paid well. But can't see that happening.


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## epril

I have a job that I usually like. I know people, and do some things with them, but I miss having a really good friend or 2, like best friends. I've moved a few times and where I am now I haven't made any really good friends. I don't meet people at my work because I am around students all day and hardly ever interact with adults.


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## bn4now

I have a full time job, with an unusual schedule. So I have felt like I don't fit in. But over the past few years I started looking at it differently. At least I have a job and have been able to get by. So screw it if I don't have a "normal" 9 to 5 job. I don't feel ashamed of that now. 

Hey, I am who I am, and I do what I can.


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## alittleunwell

Yep, me. Job I hate that includes so much mandatory overtime that I have no time for a social life


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## jc101

isn't the idea of this forum that we try and give help to each other???? So far (and it seems this thread died a while ago anyway), this thread just consists of people saying 'yeah, I've got no friends outside work either, woe is me'.....well here is my attempt at helping (even though I'm no psychotherapist!!)....it is possible some of suffer from Asperger's syndrome.....no friends or mates at school or outside work is symptomatic of that.....you struggle making conversation, small talk etc. have a google on that subject, might help.....online dating sites might help too, the best ones unfortunately are ones you pay for, but that sorts out the wheat from the chaff, lots of people are on them just for the s*x, which is not really addressing the issue....anyway, good luck! (by now all the people on the thread are probably all happily married and have loads of friends!!


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## Lone Drifter

I have a decent job though I haven't been to work in a few months due to bad health. I seem to be the sad clown in my workplace; I can make random conversation no problem and will usually have people in laughter with jokes and such. I'm always being told that I'm a fun guy and that I'm the heart of my team. And yet I'm the one who sits alone every lunch break, or the one who doesn't get invited to work nights out or who gets forgotten when it comes to secret santa or birthdays. Don't even get me started on the silence of my evenings and weekends. 

It's like I have friends when it suits them, but no real friends.


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## Cyzygy

Yea, pretty much all I have is my job .. the only social exposure that I get (outside of shopping for groceries and such). 

I've been going to meetups, but haven't been able to make successful long term connections. I guess just keep doing it and hope for the best. 

I used to work as a cashier when I was in HS, and was super talkative with customers. Even when I used to work as a consultant, I didn't have any issues with being social; but only within professional capacities. In my personal life, it's a completely inverted situation however.


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## Lonelyguy

Yep. I go straight to work every morning, sit alone in the office during my lunch break, and go directly home every night...nothing else. I never go anywhere on the weekends, no friends, nobody to talk to or do things with, and I no longer have any interest in my hobbies. Except for my mother I'm completely alone. I basically live for my job, if I didn't have that to give me a feeling of purpose in my life I'd have nothing left to live for.


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## visualkeirockstar

Same. My job sucks too.


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## ilsr

Fenren said:


> No I have no job and no life now, but when I did have steady work I still didn't have a life besides it really. But I'd rather work and have no life, than no employment and broke with no life, especially if it's a job I actually enjoy and that paid well. But can't see that happening.


I'm in the same position. In my 30's I had a steady job. A few years it was ok, most years it was intolerable with people harassing me and myself trying to be "assertive". It's like enemy coworkers don't think I had any rights to my opinion. They constantly tried to put me and my position down like I didn't deserve it. I guess because my upper manager leaked about my history that I didn't have a stable work history in my 20's due to SA. I feel like now I couldn't even overcome the past of SA. I had the same theme as this thread. Never had a gf, and probably never will. always trouble meeting and getting off well with people. Instead I'm a joke or inadvertently offend people with bad social responses. When I was working I was busy. i didn't have much energy after hours. I would waste time thinking about work after hours even researching to solve problems or take work home. Or often depressed and angry about a bad incident at work with another coworker jerk. I rarely went out. Had a coworker friend but later he turned against me as he was laid off earlier and he was a far older guy and a loner himself though I know he didn't really have SA except superficially. He had a real life , 2 divorces, stepkids, but now was totally alone when I met him. I rarely came on SAS except to post similar posts as above about having a job, but no life. Now I have no job and no life. And yes, it's a lot lot worse than a job and no life with no SO, bad as that is already. I wish now that I hadn't aimed to finish college in my 20's however long that took. i could have gotten an AS and went for a vocational program instead. I'm a true clinical SA'r as I always had bad experiences socializing and no friends since pre-school, always having problems fitting in since grade school much less unhealthy playing with neighbors kids so I learned to just withdraw mentally automatically at a far too early age.


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## ilsr

Nightwisher said:


> I never really tried college because I was so bad at math. I always said "I'll go back...I'll go back..." and now I'm 31 and it I'm wondering how that will work out if at all.


Hi OP, just wanted to say it's easier than ever now to take community college classes. Basically to get an Associates you need about 60 units which could be about 20 to 25 classes. The good news is many classes can be taken outside of work hours and many classes are increasingly offered through online means where one could just turn in assignments , or do discussion responses on a forum all online. And there are hybrid classes where there is just an actual physical class session a few times often at the registratration time and the final test time. If you can fit in some hours a week, you could gradually work on classes. And the summer has shorter term classes with many of them online so one could finish 4 or more classes. Just saying things have changed and they try to accommodate working students now more than ever.


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## fonz

missamanda said:


> I have no life and my job makes me feel very unfulfilled. Basically I have neither.


This. I feel like crap often at my job,and empty when I come home. I'd rather not have a job tbh...


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## SocialDisaster

Yes. I am a well-paid degreed office professional. I make enough money to support myself and I own a house. 

But my social skills have actually regressed. I have no social network of friends and I spend all of my free time alone. I have no real hobbies to speak of, other than playing some video games and watching movies. When I'm at work during this season, I am too busy to think about how pathetic my actual life is.

I'm single, always have been and will always be. Everybody else at work is married or dating.


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## CeilingStarer

Depends what "no life" constitutes. Other than work I don't really have any IRL friends anymore... partly my own choice though. Certainly no relationship. I have an option at the moment but I know she won't be good for me and I'm just not up for it after being single for so long. I don't even know how to exist in a relationship. It's a work in progress though... I think I'll be somewhere better in 2 years.


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## hypestyle

Nightwisher said:


> I see a lot of people here who have social issues that have kept them from having jobs and being financially independent. I sympathize with them, and can't imagine how hard that must be. Having issues that stop you from getting out there and making something of yourself and no one understanding and blaming you for what you are...I couldn't imagine.
> 
> I have a job, have been working since I was sixteen and can support myself. I never really tried college because I was so bad at math. I always said "I'll go back...I'll go back..." and now I'm 31 and it I'm wondering how that will work out if at all.
> 
> I have a job, am in the middle of getting a promotion and pay my rent and all...but I have no life. I've never really had friends I could just call up and hang out with and never had a girlfriend. If I wasn't working I would be at home surfing the web, writing fiction or playing video games. Having friends that I could just hand out with has been my fantasy my entire life.
> 
> And the biggest irony is: I work in a restaurant. I'm a server in fine dining, soon to be sommelier (wine geek) and I am AWFUL with people outside of the business. I mean, in the restaurant I know what to say and I know what to expect. It's all formalities that I could do with my eyes closed and it's like you're talking to people, but not really talking to them. It's like reading a script.
> 
> I could easily talk to a thousand people about wine and food with no problem, but I am terrified of making an *** out of myself by talking to a personal casually just to talk.
> 
> Anyone else have a decent career life...but no LIFE life?


are there community college courses, geared around topics like hospitality and/or restaurant management? Those may be an outlet for you.

What does a sommelier earn, on average? Are there tips involved? Is there (relative) job security? Does the position require any form of formal certification? If not, would gaining one "affirm" a minimum salary guarantee?


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## HarrySachz

I'm coming up on 27 years old. I work 40 hours a week, working overnights, and I have no life. Literally, all I do is work, sleep, play some PlayStation and watch TV. Facebook and places like this are my social life. And even then, I get little to no attention. It kind of gives me this desire to just up and leave my current life behind and start fresh some place else away from here. It'll happen one day.


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## mybelovedaldra

I'm out of work right now , but it's because I quit my job . I have friends that I was able to hang out mostly like 3 other women but my job always got in the way I work evenings til late in the night . My other friend doesn't have a job and just goes to school the other two work very early in the morning . 
So it was very hard for us to hang out when they invite me to things I couldn't go because I was working . Now I'm free and don't have a job currently living on my own with the money I saved up but it's gonna run out soon .

One thing I'm wondering Op is with your SA how did you manage to get a restaurant job and keep it . 
There is a restaurant a few blocks from me I'm planning to go there to get a job but I'm scared because one I'm scared I might not get and if I do get that I won't have time anymore to hang out with friends .


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## The Sleeping Dragon

Lost my job in December. I didn't even try yet for finding a new job. Procrastination hard. I don't feel ashamed anymore. The world doesn't give a **** so why should I? I'm sick of being just a worker drone, doing crappy jobs with no outlook to a better life. **** it all to hell.


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## ZGLando

*Simply put, yes.*

I currently have a job (undisclosed) and am happy working there, but coming home is a depressing feeling, well between my dad having nothing positive to say and my mom constantly trying to spite my dad and my dad trying to spite her. Obviously my heart is home. My mind is at work. Which makes me personally feel like a waste at times because my whole family lies, including me sometimes but I get stuck in the middle hearing all the (bs) and negativity. (understanding I'm not helping by contributing.)

But what else is a son suppose to say to his dad who "can't get poon from his mom" (I'm 19 btw, none of this is "ewiegooie stuff") I understand withholding sex in a marriage is toxic and believe me, not having "any" is stressful but to a certain point.

I was homeschooled for 6 years too, and at the beginning of that is when I lost a lot of my friends and gained a some weight. I lost a lot of weight since working but still haven't found a crowd of people I like or even 1. I just don't know if I'm very approachable.

I basically go to work just to get away from family issues, I tend to keep my head down at work but I try to put on a friendly smile. I'm a really nice person(not wanting e-friends) but I feel like I'm judged before I'm known. I never show my goofy personality outside my house, and when I'm inside, I'm called retarded. So I tend not to be myself in public....

also I take clonazepam 0.5mg, and was on anti-depressants for like a day and I didn't like it. (still on clonazepam) I don't know how to approach life.


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## Zozulya

Wake up-Shower-Commute-work-commute-eat-play games-sleep-repeat.
Mostly sit alone in my room, even on lunch break.
No social networks connections beside bulletin boards including this one. I'm also daydreaming while shopping for groceries or other things, and tend to be aggressive when someone bursts my bubble, so no room for any socialization.
Maybe just giving a coin or two to the beggars, hi/thank you/good bye to the sales clerk and that's all.


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## KILOBRAVO

another problem is that even I you go to work and consider those people you work wity as friends ... they really arent. you just happen to be in the same place at the same time as them....when they go home... theyre not thinking about you because they have their own long established social group. if you leave the job... they forget about you after 3 days. . nd your unlikely to ever speak to them again. they go there to get money... yo go there to get money .. no one cares because everyone is superficial. 

this is the same if you go to college, university. there is a barrier there. everyone does it. .. some people swap numbers... some don't. yout can virtually guarantee that after course finished.... you will all lost contact. why? 

because they all have long established social groups at home... and they don't need the work/ uni/ college groups. people don't want what they don't need. people can be. very false and dissociating. 
this is also a reason to prevent yourself getting too attached to the people you work or study with. its not going to last forever.


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## nitestron

No life outside of work. During the weekdays I'm usually busy with work, commute to work and working some more after work. Weekends, I do absolutely nothing at all. I just stay in going through marathons of TV series, browsing the Internet or playing video games. Wish there was more to my life than this, but it is what it is.


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## Zozulya

KILOBRAVO said:


> another problem is that even I you go to work and consider those people you work wity as friends ... they really arent. you just happen to be in the same place at the same time as them....when they go home... theyre not thinking about you because they have their own long established social group. if you leave the job... they forget about you after 3 days. . nd your unlikely to ever speak to them again. they go there to get money... yo go there to get money .. no one cares because everyone is superficial.
> [...]


Thanks for your input and i take it as a reminder, as I was going to commit such mistake.
Better avoid to be emotional at work, which I surprised myself to fail at this duty lately.


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## kelt

I got a Job for a long time now about 13 years for the same job fixing machines, I'm thinking the past couple years to look for another job already
burn out for same old job just enough to pay the bills..Make some friends along the way but not that very close friend just acquaintances.


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## AllTheSame

I'm sort of the same, in some ways. I have a decent job, I can take care of myself but it's not what I want to be doing. The hours are good and I have weekends and half a day off every Friday and I don't have to deal with people in my job much, besides my coworkers most of whom are pretty cool. I dropped out of college years ago. I'm so close to getting my degree (one semester or less) that my parents and family are all over me to go back. My parents have even offered to pay for everything, tuition, books, everything, if I will just go back and finish. So yeah I don't really have a choice at this point although just thinking about it causes a lot of anxiety.

I haven't dated in months. Four months I guess. My last real gf and I broke up almost a year ago. The last time I had a real circle of friends that I actually hung out with was when I was married. So, a few years ago. I miss that.

I would give up any kind of success, any amount of $ to have a girl I really loved and that loved me and to have friends again. I would seriously give up almost anything.


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## Don Aman

This is definitely how it is for me as well. I've been at my current job for 7 years and while I don't mind it there's basically zero opportunity to socialize. I've moved around a number of times as well so I've often felt like there's no point in trying to get out and meet people. I'm not sure where I'd go to make friends at this point in my life either.

I'm a member of some Meetup groups but I've never felt confident in going to one. All of my friendships from school happened very organically so I don't like contrived situations as it takes me some time to warm up to people. I also feel much more insecure about myself relative to others than I did growing up.



AllTheSame said:


> I haven't dated in months. Four months I guess. My last real gf and I broke up almost a year ago. The last time I had a real circle of friends that I actually hung out with was when I was married. So, a few years ago. I miss that.
> 
> I would give up any kind of success, any amount of $ to have a girl I really loved and that loved me and to have friends again. I would seriously give up almost anything.


I was a total romantic when I was young but I ended up so jaded after my last relationship that I haven't had it in me to bother since. It's been years now and it really saddens me how cynical I've remained on the subject. It'd be nice to entertain the idea that I could find a loving relationship, and I'm sure there's someone out there that'd be great for me, but I just don't trust my judgement anymore. I feel like a coward for not even being willing to try though.


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## socialfighter

Hoping to get a job with an exams board in the coming weeks. There's a lot of younger people working there (as temps) so hopefully this is a step in the right direction...


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## IzzyWizzy

I've been doing my job for 15 yrs. 
I like it (I've done worse jobs) but it's my life. I have no interests or hobbies. I get bored A LOT at home. This is something i struggle with. 
The only thing that keeps me occupied are these forums . Yes i have a boyfriend but only see him at weekends (LDR) 
I have money but i don't spend it on much. 

I just wish i could find a hobby to keep me occupied after work. TV nowadays is crap.


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## AngelClare

Myosr said:


> there's nothing I can do about it.


There is always something you can do.

What job do you have and why do you feel like you're not getting anywhere?

What kind of effort have you made to make friends or find a relationship?

Have you joined groups like church or volunteering? Have you tried dating sites?


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## ilsr

Myosr said:


> I have a job but it's not going anywhere. My colleagues are getting way ahead of me. I struggle a lot with envy to be honest. It just doesn't seem fair. It's like you can't really accomplish anything in life (even be good at any job) if you're not social and can't deal with people. *It doesn't matter if you work hard or study hard or do what ever, in the end it really does require that you are able to deal with people.*
> 
> I'm saying this because I spent my teens and twenties studying really hard hoping I would accomplish anything, but now it seems like a huge waste. I'm so far behind even the people I used to consider 'dumb' at school and university. Of course I'm not even talking about other areas of 'life' which are pretty non-existent. I have zero friends, exactly zero, which is terrifying. I'm really not sure if my life is sustainable at all, especially when my parents die or if I lose my current job, it's just so scary and unpredictable, and there's nothing I can do about it.


I feel the same way pretty much what you said in a nutshell. The world is now an overpopulated, economic and social mess, i.e. maybe end times.


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## PathologicalSigher

Frankly, I never understood how it is that people can even have both a job and a life. For me, they've always been pretty much mutually exclusive. But I guess that's just the result of my being low-energy.

When I get home from work, I'm so exhausted that I eat and just collapse on the couch. I don't have the energy or the drive to talk to someone on the phone, much less go out and socialize.


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## Canadian Brotha

I basically go to work because I have to pay bills and then come home and hermit/be avoidant as much as possible. I don't have a life outside of work because I avoid to escape any potential anxiety as I know for me it's not a matter of if but when and for how long. In other words it's a matter of what I feel able to endure on any given day. I could be a social as I like, never had any issue making friends despite my issues and as a musician that opens a lot of social doors if you pursue them


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## jc90

I have a job making pretty decent money, but I still feel like my life can be dull at times. I try to get out even if I don't have plans with anyone, doing just as much as walking around at a mall or going to the grocery store. I go out to bars with my friends on occasion but I rarely meet or talk to anybody there.


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## MsVaslovik

The only social life I have is at work, and of course none of them there want anything to do with me outside work, except the men who want to sleep with me, and I'm all done with that business in this life. Moreover, it's pretty stupid to sleep with someone at work in the first place. The other women there are superficial and insincere as they come, and will just stop talking to me at all for no reason. I can only guess why, perhaps gossip behind my back. Plenty of that goes on there. There is nowhere to go where I live for a social life of any kind other than bars, and we all know what that scene is. So when I'm off work I just keep to myself at home and busy myself with my hobbies, and housekeeping, and if the loneliness gets too much I have a couple drinks and watch some video. It helps. I just wish I could have one good friend to enjoy, but in what society has become that seems impossible.


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## Angel387

yep, have a job and sadly, nothing else. Had former friends screw me out of the life i had so now i don't have one. Pretty pathetic


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## Michael1973

I sympathize with everyone here. I've had a full-time job for almost 20 years, but lately I do very little outside of work and it really gets to me sometimes. Years ago, I was involved with several groups/activities outside of work, but one by one they all dried up and I can't for the life of me find even one new long-term activity to get involved with. I do have a few small groups of friends but in one case all we do is meet for lunch and the other group only gets together if I initiate. I often encounter people who are involved in a gazillion fun activities and wonder how they find such things when I struggle to find one.


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## hobo10

Yup, this is me! I'm lucky that I get along with my coworkers...in some ways, they almost feel like friends. But I know if I or they were to leave the company, there would be no hanging out on the outside. While we get all along and can joke around at work, I don't have QUITE enough in common with them that we'd see each other again.

I've been trying to muster up the courage to go to a board games meetup for years but I just haven't been able to.


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## gumballhead

Well, my "career" life is decent in that it pays the bills. I come in at about 6:00, leave at around 1:30, then go to the gym for about 90 minutes. Then I spend a couple of hours visiting my Mom, then I go home to my loving houseplant. Sometimes on weekends I'll go see a movie or go to church ( just for something to do, despite being agnostic). So no, not much of a life. All of my co workers are either much older than me, or we just don't have enough in common to hang out outside of work. No friends left from school, and never went to college either.


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## Spyce

Nightwisher said:


> I see a lot of people here who have social issues that have kept them from having jobs and being financially independent. I sympathize with them, and can't imagine how hard that must be. Having issues that stop you from getting out there and making something of yourself and no one understanding and blaming you for what you are...I couldn't imagine.
> 
> I have a job, have been working since I was sixteen and can support myself. I never really tried college because I was so bad at math. I always said "I'll go back...I'll go back..." and now I'm 31 and it I'm wondering how that will work out if at all.
> 
> I have a job, am in the middle of getting a promotion and pay my rent and all...but I have no life. I've never really had friends I could just call up and hang out with and never had a girlfriend. If I wasn't working I would be at home surfing the web, writing fiction or playing video games. Having friends that I could just hand out with has been my fantasy my entire life.
> 
> And the biggest irony is: I work in a restaurant. I'm a server in fine dining, soon to be sommelier (wine geek) and I am AWFUL with people outside of the business. I mean, in the restaurant I know what to say and I know what to expect. It's all formalities that I could do with my eyes closed and it's like you're talking to people, but not really talking to them. It's like reading a script.
> 
> I could easily talk to a thousand people about wine and food with no problem, but I am terrified of making an *** out of myself by talking to a personal casually just to talk.
> 
> Anyone else have a decent career life...but no LIFE life?


I wouldn't say I really have a _career_, but I do have a good job with decent benefits, and yeah, no life. And in most other regards, yeah, I'm pretty much on the same track.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 14. Never got my license as I was always told that if I did get my driver's license, every time I had a seizure, the state would take my license away for 6-12 months (depending on the state). This is what my mother always told me, and, being my mother, I always just took her word and trusted her- I never bothered to research it.

I am 31 now myself, and over the years I have always wanted to get my license, but since I tend to have seizures every few months, it has always been an impossibility. Why bother if the state would just take away my license anyway? I'd asked around in the meantime for friends and family to help teach me how to drive, just so that I could know, but nobody would ever teach me. Even when I would offer to pay for gas, offer to pay for time... still. Nobody would take me up on my offer. As a last resort I could always take driving lessons through the high school- but in order to do that, you need so many hours of driving practice outside of class and with nobody willing to teach work with me in the first place, I've never bothered. I could also go to the DMV, but again, I can't just walk into the DMV with 1) no vehicle of my own and nobody to loan me one and 2) absolutely zero driving experience. I've tried. I've tried so many times. Not having my license. Not having a vehicle... it holds me back from so much.

Over the years my seizures have gotten better. I have been to the point of being 2-3 years between seizures before, but still, people do not want to help. In a way, I have given up. I don't know what to do anymore. I found out a couple years back that what I was told my whole life was not entirely true. Yes, if you have a seizure the state will take your license away, but only if you have a seizure _while_ behind the while of a vehicle. If I'm just sitting at home... there's nothing they can do unless I report it. And my seizures are controlled anyway, which is why they have dropped down to only every 2-3 years now instead of 3-4 months. I think that's why I've given up because I feel I was deceived and it hurts. My mother knows how much I want this, and she is the only person who has the time and the opportunity to teach me to drive, she knows how much it would improve my life... but yet she refuses to teach me. It just almost feels like she doesn't want me to be happy. So I'm just like... fine. **** it. Why even bother then?

As for my work, I work in a high school (a private/boarding school- go figure) as a chef. The pay isn't great, lol, but the benefits are. We work about 42 weeks a year, and can collect unemployment on the other 9 weeks we're off. I can talk to people all day long about food, or any of the other things I know about- such as psychology- but to try and hold a conversation about much else, it's almost impossible for me.


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## misanthrope2

I've been working since i was 16. Mostly customer service or health care jobs.I don't make much money so I live with my parents to save on rent. I got a degree but the job market here is very competitive and with my SA I don't stand a chance of standing out in interviews, unless it's for being awkward. I have a pretty random group of acquaintances and so social opportunities do crop up every now and again but I haven't had anything like a best friend in years. I've really been craving that type of supportive relationship fro a long time. the closet I've gotten is with my ex and I clung to that relationship for way longer than I should have just because I wanted a partner/best friend. I always feel so different when I'm out socially. It's like I'm watching people on TV and I'm not actually part of whats going on. I feel like I'm not capable of forming close relationships anymore. I know that's probably the SA talking but I also feel like I have a strange personality so it's just hard for me to relate to other people and vice versa. I'm pretty fed up with my life. I've tried meds and counseling but nothing seems to help. I don't want to live like this anymore. I fell like I'm wasting my life. :crying:


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## jackbrock555

Yeah that is me. I have been at my job for 9 years now. I enjoy working at my job during the summer it is kinda crazy and this one guy I work with sometimes gets on my nerves but other than that it is ok! I have no friends no girlfriend and no life. I just go to work get off of work at the end of the day get me some food and come home watch tv and get on SAS and go to sleep and then repeat during the week on the weekend I will go get some fast food and watch tv movies and get on SAS that is my weekend. I don't really do anything.


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## aussieguy1982

I'm in the same boat. Altho i was made redundant so I don't have a job ATM. Basically after I cover bills I'm broke so most of the time I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Looking for a job seems so hard these days. I don't really have many friends either and the ones I do have are partnered off so I rarely so them. My only escape is the occasional visit to the pub for beers but even then I struggle to find anyone to go with.


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## Blagdaross

I'm similar. I had a few friends that I hung out with and did stuff with in high school but after high school we all kind of went our separate ways with jobs, college military, etc. I went to a tech school and tried to do community college but i think i was tired of school and just wanted to work. I've been help desk type jobs my entire life (except for the kitchen I worked in during HS, which I think opened me up a bit more).

I have 1 good friend right now, but we don't hang out much due to work, and he's married and in several bands, and does other stuff. 

If I'm not working I'm usually with family or alone at home watching tv or video games, etc. 
I've had work aquaintances and we occasionally would get dinner, but never did much else. 

Never had a girlfriend either. Have gone on dates when i wa sin hs and a few afterwards but not many (only 1 in the last 10+ years and that didn't go anywhere). Been trying online dating but I rarely get responses to my messages or if someone does respond, they only answer a question or 2 and then they never message me back. Seems no one ever asks me questions either so it makes me feel weird, like I am interrogating them. 

I feel lonely a lot. My dog helps a bit, but I feel the need for human interaction but that is rare other than family.


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## Blagdaross

Blagdaross said:


> I'm similar. I had a few friends that I hung out with and did stuff with in high school but after high school we all kind of went our separate ways with jobs, college military, etc. I went to a tech school and tried to do community college but i think i was tired of school and just wanted to work. I've been help desk type jobs my entire life (except for the kitchen I worked in during HS, which I think opened me up a bit more).
> 
> I have 1 good friend right now, but we don't hang out much due to work, and he's married and in several bands, and does other stuff.
> 
> If I'm not working I'm usually with family or alone at home watching tv or video games, etc.
> I've had work aquaintances and we occasionally would get dinner, but never did much else.
> 
> Never had a girlfriend either. Have gone on dates when i wa sin hs and a few afterwards but not many (only 1 in the last 10+ years and that didn't go anywhere). Been trying online dating but I rarely get responses to my messages or if someone does respond, they only answer a question or 2 and then they never message me back. Seems no one ever asks me questions either so it makes me feel weird, like I am interrogating them.
> 
> I feel lonely a lot. My dog helps a bit, but I feel the need for human interaction but that is rare other than family.


Couldn't see a way to edit my post but wanted to say I am 36 now.


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## JaegerLover217

thats how it is for me


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## HenDoggy

Yeah, no life outside of job.


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## Triumph

I have a job, I work as a tech and have to go all over the city servicing equipment in retail and commercial buildings. I like the excitement of it, and my SA rarely acts up. In my social life though I'm a recluse. I have two friends. One calls me all the time to hang out, and has introduced me to many people which are acquaintances, but he's moving soon and has a kid on the way. The other friend I see less frequently. I suppose this is the reason I haven't had much issues socially, but still I spend a LOT of time at home alone. Besides, hanging out with two people every time gets boring. 

I have to say...I enjoy being home a lot. I find things to do on the computer, I'm always researching. I don't know if I enjoy more because it's an escape. My neighbors probably think I'm odd as hell. Somehow this bothers me. Also, there are times, I think I should be dating, but I find a lot of women extremely picky to a point of vicious. I'm tired of dating, it's always online dating, and they always brag about how they have the best of friends etc. Can't stand reading some profiles. Actually, the men in my city are quite cliquey as well, you would think they were also women. 

I used to have more drive to go out and meet peoople. Now my life is somewhat pointless and meaningless. I don't do a lot outside of work, and as I get older, I don't feel the need for social contact even though I believe we all need it as a basic necessity of life. I sometimes think of suicide because of my meaningless existence. The idea comes and goes, with highs and lows, I just don't see the point in the effort of working and paying bills. It's like I'm forcing myself to keep living and working this meaningless life. The only thing that stops me from suicide is my family. If it wasn't for them, I think it would be selfish of me to kill myself out of boredom and lack of motivation to live. I don't like my job, I don't have any goals, I don't do much in my spare time but study topics of interest to me, mostly conspiracy theories. That's my life. I'm at one of my lows once again.


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## M0rbid

work, eat, sh*t, sleep.... Rinse and repeat.


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## AntiSocialGuy

job to home to pc,that is my relation


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## jessicajones

me too I have a good job. I have quite a few professional connections within my field (I work in IT/computers). But outside of work I basically don't have any friends. Everyone is either married with kids, or in a relationship, or if they are single they already have their own friends.


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## Camelleone

me as well. for example today is saturday night and as usual, I stay at home. my uncle came yesterday to stay for two nights and he likes to ask what are you doing all day at home, why you don't hang out, because you have no friends? have you ever go hang out?
I already feel bad about that and I don't need him to make me feel more bad. I really wish I go to work today on saturday so I don't have to feel bad.


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## societe anonyme

I have a pretty decent job (work doing legal research and policy for the state government) and the work is generally well suited to me (mostly researching and writing legal documents, although I have to meet stakeholders every now and then, which sends the anxiety off the charts; this is the price I pay for the salary, which otherwise allows me to live comfortably independently).

But, other than meeting a former colleague (and a couple of other friends of his I became friends with after getting double booked) for drinks once every 2 or 3 weeks, I don't really have any social life to speak of. Weekends just go by in a blur. Saturday is chores. Sunday is surfing the net or going to a movie.


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## cubsfandave

Yeah, I have a job and that's it. I'm bored as F**k. I wish I had some passion, but lately I feel hopeless. Nothing.


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## Scrub-Zero

I don't even have a job right now, or a life.


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## cubsfandave

Scrub, maybe one day we will have a life. MAYBE!


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## Scrub-Zero

@cubsfandave I had a job not long ago but the contract ended. It was good work while it lasted though.


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## theDiff

With just a few years to go with kids at home and the mortgage, I am looking forward to a major lifestyle change. My job is my life for now. Well, that and co-parenting.


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## AwkrdNapps

Yes I'm struggling with that now. I feel like I should have a social life att his point. I went to college and made a few friends. One I'm still close with but she lives 2 hrs away. I've worked since the age of 16. Made one friend in all those jobs but she's older with kids and a husband. I work now and I have coworkers that plan to go out but then plans fall through. Again they're older with families. I bought my first home this year and it makes me feel more alone sometimes because I live by myself. I finally joined a club for a sport I enjoy but I feel like I'm just there. No one really sees me. I practice then it's over and I go back home. I went to a bar last week by myself. Want to know what happened? I read my book I brought and had some wine because everyone there looked like infants to me. They're were having though because they had friends and a life. I would like that just once. Inside jokes, laughing loudly in a group of friends, it seems unattainable.


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## Hoyden

I have a job I enjoy and that is pretty much it. The only family I am close to are my parents, no friends and no real social activities. I just don't know how to do all that human stuff.


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## SheIsBrite

I work full-time and go to school part time (even in the summer) so there's not much time left for much else, but I realize I want to start doing things with other people and hanging out a bit once in awhile. I plan to suck it up and attend the meet up group for shyness and social anxiety that I've been a member of for awhile but never attended.


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## MrObscura

I have neither, so...


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## MrObscura

Honestly, I think a large number of people, with or without SA, would describe themselves as having a job but no life. Most people dislike, if not flat out hate what they do. And work takes up a good chunk of one's life most of the time.

That's been one good thing about being an unemployed shut in. But now I'm stuck. I'm forced with either remaining on the course I've been on or somehow finding work and living through that hell. I wish I could simply suffer a job the way most people can, work sucks but most people can handle being outside their comfort zones enough to work.

Sorry for high jacking the thread a bit there. It just helps to vent sometimes.


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## GooseG

Nightwisher said:


> I see a lot of people here who have social issues that have kept them from having jobs and being financially independent. I sympathize with them, and can't imagine how hard that must be. Having issues that stop you from getting out there and making something of yourself and no one understanding and blaming you for what you are...I couldn't imagine.
> 
> I have a job, have been working since I was sixteen and can support myself. I never really tried college because I was so bad at math. I always said "I'll go back...I'll go back..." and now I'm 31 and it I'm wondering how that will work out if at all.
> 
> I have a job, am in the middle of getting a promotion and pay my rent and all...but I have no life. I've never really had friends I could just call up and hang out with and never had a girlfriend. If I wasn't working I would be at home surfing the web, writing fiction or playing video games. Having friends that I could just hand out with has been my fantasy my entire life.
> 
> And the biggest irony is: I work in a restaurant. I'm a server in fine dining, soon to be sommelier (wine geek) and I am AWFUL with people outside of the business. I mean, in the restaurant I know what to say and I know what to expect. It's all formalities that I could do with my eyes closed and it's like you're talking to people, but not really talking to them. It's like reading a script.
> 
> I could easily talk to a thousand people about wine and food with no problem, but I am terrified of making an *** out of myself by talking to a personal casually just to talk.
> 
> Anyone else have a decent career life...but no LIFE life?


Hi. I would not say that I have a decent career life, but I do have a job. However, due to it, my life outside of work is not a good one. This summer has been full of overtime, which makes the life outside of work mainly composed of sleep and trying to get ready for the next week of work (outside from a weekend for an out of town family reunion trip), and house chores. So, unfortunately I don't have much to offer in terms of improving life outside of work, where I am still attempting to figure out how to change.


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## starguitar

Definitely feel the same. I try unsuccessfully to build a life outside work, but never works out in the long run for a variety of reasons. I moved to a new city last year for a job, and unfortunately didn't know anyone here. I tried to build friendships with a number of people, but so far I have not managed to develop anything solid or even just have people to hang out with on a regular basis. I spend many nights and weekends alone which is starting to get to me, but at the same being in my mid 30s, I have less energy and drive to "get out there" than I used to. I also have a lot stuff going on, so fitting in time for social activities seems daunting, especially when I am introverted and need alone time at home after a long day. I can't help but look at Facebook and see just how many people regularly go out and do all sorts of exciting things almost on a daily basis, which just seems so unreal and impossible to me. My coworkers are similar. Granted these people are usually coupled up or have families, but some just have a lot of friends. If I did one exciting thing a week, that would enough for me to be content but even that takes a lot of work for me to plan something and invite people out. I don't like to go out by myself and I rarely get invited anywhere, so managing a life outside work feels like a second job in some strange way. As hard as it will be for me to actually do, I plan on joining a fitness group and possibly taking some type of class (like cooking perhaps) soon just to break my routine and get exposure to people outside work on a regular basis. I've been in this new city for a year already, and it will be a bleak existence if I don't develop friendships soon.


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## pheniboner

I am the same. Planning on joining some fitness classes soon too. The only way I can meet people is if they are forced to talk to me, otherwise nobody ever will and I find if impossible to initiate conversations with people outside of work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nicetyy

Its very isolating and numbing when you spend most of your time alone. It makes it harder when you do come in contact with other people, because it is awkward and uncomfortable. This is not a life to live and I am depressed and defeated every day because NOTHING changes. Everyone already has their set friends and family and there is no way to break in to these groups. Work is full of fake robots and we are just there to complete work, no humanity. As soon as I come home I get on the computer because that s the only contact I have with people outside of work.


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## Lianthe

I have hung out with co workers outside of work, but they have their own families. All I can say is thank God for the internet, meetup.com and the Sims franchise.


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## MusicDays8

I do have a job but it really isn't a great job at all. I am a cashier but I am not really good with people at all. It is weird that I would have a job dealing with people. I do talk with a few people at work but I do get anxious to t hang out with people though.


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## Makenzie83

Absolutely! I have my own business and work from home, so I really have no life. Most weeks, I can count on one hand the number of people I even see!


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## JaegerLover217

ya thats kinda how it has been for me


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## Bad Wahsabi

I have a decent job, but no friend, no family I can depend on and no life. Not sure how I don't just blow my brains out but I continue living hoping I meet someone irl.


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## Awkto Awktavious

I've never really had a life. But now that I work about 75 hours a week I kind of have an excuse, and since they are both temporary, I need to be conscious with my money. (not that you necessarily need lots to have a life)


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## twitchy666

*socially caged*

Don't want to be social

I want money

I can earn

I can be of use
serve
in demand

but not allowed

positive history
leading all way back

up on credit

someone getting in your way
marks a milestone of fate
not just then
For ever


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## estse

I have a ****ty job that I want to murder on a daily basis, but I am surprised I do have it.

What few friends I have don't talk to me. They have their own lives anyway.

What's truly disgusting is my lack of desire to attempt to enjoy life. I usually get up in the morning around 8 am, work from 9 am - 6 pm or later. And then I go home, have a ****ty meal of sorts, and I usually am in bed by 8:30 or 9 pm because I have nothing to do and don't even feel a desire to make something to do. Then I sleep long hours (how, I don't know) riddled with horrible dreams and wake time after time still living those "dreams" and want so much to die. Then 8 am comes around....

I slept my entire day off yesterday until about 5 pm. I kept waking feeling like death boiled over and telling myself I need to get up and walk around. I did get up once around noon, had a snack, and then felt like there was absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to go. I went back into bed and forced myself over and over to sleep, having horrible dreams and waking in a cold sweat wanting to die. Such is free time.

I don't know how to change my brain.


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## PineconeMachine

My job has become my life. I'm either at work, preparing for work, or recovering from the physical exhaustion that my job brings upon me. I have no life, no friends, no partner, nothing. And I don't see any of that changing in the foreseeable future.

"There must be some kind of way out of here".....


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## 812161

Yeah...this is me. I have no hobbies, no pursuits, one LD-OL (Long Distance, Online) relationship that really isn't going anywhere, no friends, etc. I exist...period.


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## Trooper

Yep...


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## HenDoggy

Yeah, my current life consists of three things work,sleep and play games/watch tv.



estse said:


> I have a ****ty job that I want to murder on a daily basis, but I am surprised I do have it.
> 
> What few friends I have don't talk to me. They have their own lives anyway.
> 
> What's truly disgusting is my lack of desire to attempt to enjoy life. I usually get up in the morning around 8 am, work from 9 am - 6 pm or later. And then I go home, have a ****ty meal of sorts, and I usually am in bed by 8:30 or 9 pm because I have nothing to do and don't even feel a desire to make something to do. Then I sleep long hours (how, I don't know) riddled with horrible dreams and wake time after time still living those "dreams" and want so much to die. Then 8 am comes around....
> 
> I slept my entire day off yesterday until about 5 pm. I kept waking feeling like death boiled over and telling myself I need to get up and walk around. I did get up once around noon, had a snack, and then felt like there was absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to go. I went back into bed and forced myself over and over to sleep, having horrible dreams and waking in a cold sweat wanting to die. Such is free time.
> 
> I don't know how to change my brain.


I'm sorry you're having such terrrible dreams. Sleeping is my only sanctuary at the moment. I try to get in as much sleep as I can cause there is nothing really to do when I'm awake except to rot.


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## Shazzy123

I have a similar situation (yours sounds like a better job than mine though) in that I work in a youth club, I can handle being screamed/sworn at by young people (teenagers some of them only a few years young than me but about a foot taller) I know how to respond and can calm the situation down, but if I walk outside and there is another human within 10 steps of me I panic. It's infuriating, I get to a stage where I can be at work and deal with situations. I finish my shift and have to WAIT FOR SOMEONE to get me before I could walk home (note I live around a 5-10 minute walk from my workplace & always have a dog with me). Trust me it's hard, harder to explain to someone the difference between being at work and walking outside.


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## Furiosa

In my experience, as you get older it becomes more and more harder to develop and maintain decent friendships, even for people who don't suffer with anxiety. When your young and at school or college and around lots of people your own age, it's so much easier. I think it becomes difficult as when people get older, say late 20's that's usually when people may start to settle down, they could get married, have a family, start a career, move out of home, etc, and this is when people have other things on their mind and they no longer have as much time to devote to friendships and social activities.

I went through a few years in my 20's of not having any friends, before that I did have two really good friends who I'd known since school and we had been really close, but due to something that happened (it's a long story), they ended up completely cutting me off and wouldn't have anything to do with me after that, which really hurt.

It was only after a few years after that, I randomly got chatting to some people on a Facebook group, and it turned out we were practically neighbours. So after talking for a while we ended up meeting in person and really hit it off, and well, the rest is history as they say, we have been bosom buddies ever since. 

So even if you dont have any friends now, you never know what the future might hold, sometimes you can meet people in unexpected circumstances.


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## CrystalGemPearl

I have no job and no life.


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## twitchy666

*other way for me*

I want status like the thread

I need structure, purpose & worth.

There is no weekday or weekend for me.

Every day is null. Wake up, eat, drink, buy or die.

I'd be happy with icy late night shifts; any responsibility.

I need to spend effort daily to motivate myself. Get food, cook & swallow. Nothing else on the agenda.

I get to meet some people at pub or at home, but too much gets cancelled cos they are so, so, so, busy or running late.

Never had too much problem around people in offices when I was busy.

We don't mix so well. I'm boring to them; they're really boring to me.

Lockout now: here is my new response to all emails posing as work opportunity for me... you're really good for this.. would you like it.. or plain advert. Global Rottweiler bark "Oi!" lifelong psychology of fake doting, idolization, worship; passion, adore, desire, lust, yearning, infatuation aimed at me.

Proper 'bag-over-head' warehouse to monitor response when pouring petrol over me. Say Yeahh!!!! Yeah! You get hangup, kicked, walk away.

I answer email with this signature: How old a CV do you accept? Tell me. Years. If a person not working today, never considered, ever. Is that the REC philosophy? Useful to know.

I keep refining it. Doesn't help. Maze. impossible.

Determination I had all life has burrowed me into giving up by endless rejection. I keep trying any different approaches to rejecting them.

Every plucking mail at me always starts with: 'Hope you are well.'
No other approach, at all.


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## JaegerLover217

ya been that way for a while for me


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