# "You have no friends."



## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Back in February I saw a therapist, more for my depression and poor choices than for my anxiety, but we got to talking about my lack of a support system that was more or less related to my startling lack of real friends. I told her I talked to people at school, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Heh, if she only knew what an accomplishment *that* was. But no, she said they weren't real friends, and then just kept telling me, "So, you don't have any friends." She basically made me say that, out loud. It was pretty sad; tears were spilling down my face.

I had to stop seeing her, as my mom's insurance changed and I couldn't see spending $50 a session... No matter how much she kept me in reality.

Was that a good thing for my therapist to do? I still don't really have any friends, so it's not like her words sparked anything, other than incredible self-pity. I guess she didn't see me to be as fragile as I did. Was it good that she drew attention to this, or should she have been more understanding and subtle? Did she do me a favor by bringing me back to reality? And would you all rather have a therapist that was kind and sensitive to your problems, or more pushy and (maybe) more focused on "snapping you out of it?"

xoxo
Maggi


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

itsmemaggi said:


> I told her I talked to people at school, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Heh, if she only knew what an accomplishment *that* was. But no, she said they weren't real friends, and then just kept telling me, "So, you don't have any friends." She basically made me say that, out loud. It was pretty sad; tears were spilling down my face.


 :eek

I'm shocked. That would be awful. I don't think that was the right way for her to going about things at all. I might have slapped her, lol. Man.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

itsmemaggi said:


> Was that a good thing for my therapist to do?


No, she's a horrible therapist who doesn't understand people at all. She shouldn't be a therapist.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Agreed with Maslow.


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## Moon (Oct 9, 2007)

When I told my therapist that I have no friends he said "YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS" like he has never heard that form anyone before. I was like ok you are supposed to make me feel better not worse, I don't think I will be going back to see him. Also when I told him that I don't like driving he said "YOU"RE 23 AND YOU DON'T DRIVE" Do you think I should see someone else?


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## lilly (Mar 22, 2006)

I don't like pushy therapists and like baby steps. Also this therapist sounds odd. I think it's a good idea to find a therapist you feel comfortable with and maybe one you feel is a pleasant person.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I think it was a little too much, but I don't know how much you were saying and what you were saying or not saying. I like smaller steps too. Try not to dwell on her manner, but take away the fact that you need friends and you are worthy of friends. I'm in the same boat. I feel like I'm too busy to make real friends, but also recognize that I NEED REAL FRIENDS. It's hard. :squeeze


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## jay_walking (Sep 20, 2007)

(((((Maggie)))))

I can understand trying to push someone, and yes that might involve some discomfort, but that is too much.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

If it was me, I would have been fine with that. One of the most important things for me is just admitting things like at first I had a hard time saying "I have social anxiety." It's easy to type these things online, but it helps to say it out loud to someone else sometime. So I think your therapist's intentions were good, but maybe he was too pushy for your taste. I think pretty much any misunderstanding like that can be corrected if the intentions are good as long as you point it out to them.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Yeah, personally, I wouldn't mind it either. The therapist wasn't being very tactful, given how upsetting this was for you, but for me, I value directness in the medical community, as it saves me a lot of time of wondering what they're thinking. It's just a personal preference, I suppose.


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## itsme (Sep 28, 2007)

lol my mom and family thought it was fine when my SA was really bad and I had literally zero friends, so I think I need to hear someone sound shocked to kind of wake me up to how unusual it really is...even now that I'm able to talk to people and am just starting to form friendships, my mom tries to discourage me from doing so telling me stupid things like "friends don't make you happy, you have to feel inner peace in yourself to be happy. don't go looking for friends to find happiness" and all this other bull crap. I tried explaining to her that ppl have social needs, and yes if they don't get these needs met they aren't happy. It's like saying to a starving person "Don't expect food to work for that hunger your feeling, what you need is inner peace"...socializing is just as real a human need as the need for food. but she is just trying to be controlling like she's always been and didn't want to hear what I was trying to tell her. She's crazy, seriously it's hard for me to have grown up with her and to have had to hear her say all this stuff everyday...So yeah for me it'd be good to have that therapist  just to hammer thru my head the opposite of what I had to hear growing up.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Your mom sounds l like my Mom. Goooofy, but lovable nonetheless.


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