# Not seeing myself as autistic



## DevilKisses (Mar 5, 2014)

One of my goals is to not see myself as autistic. I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but I'm not sure if that diagnosis was even correct. 

Being diagnosed with autism has caused me to hate myself and have no confidence. I think it's the main reason why I have social anxiety. A lot of people have treated me like a subhuman because of that stupid label. I still feel like I'm subhuman most of the time. 

My "autism symptoms" seem to be caused by ADHD, being overly sheltered as a child, being poorly disciplined as a child, brain fog, introversion, just being nerdy and anxiety. 

I tried to go for support about this at the autism forum, but I knew it would be a bad idea from the start. Most people there think that every introverted nerd is autistic. 

Whenever I mention symptoms I don't have they say that "autism is a spectrum." While that is true, I think most people use that phrase to lump every quirky, introverted, sensitive or nerdy person into the autism category. 

I'm hoping that I can find support here. There is barely any support for people like me.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

You're obviously an intelligent person. Create your own brand. Explore, learn and be the very best you that you can. I'm sure there are many others like you on this forum.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

I believe that autism is just a variance in cognition anyway and it is often useful so people who have autism should not feel too bad about themselves in my opinion. I bet if we created a super intelligent ai it would organize its cognition (or at least a portion of it) in a way similar to those with autism (because it seems to be more objective). Also famous people like Michelangelo may have had autism. Have you ever noticed when some variance in genetics first arises in society it is usually derided by "the norm" as a disease, or mental illness, or whatever? It unfortunately often takes a lot of people suffering and for society to lose those individuals before we realize the cost of treating people that way, a great example being the loss of Alan Turing in computer science because he was forced to take estrogen because he was gay so that he wouldn't violate british law (it was illegal to have homosexual sex then and he was forced to take estrogen because it was believed this would lower his sex drive he ended up growing breasts and committed suicide).


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## DevilKisses (Mar 5, 2014)

HelpfulHero said:


> I believe that autism is just a variance in cognition anyway and it is often useful so people who have autism should not feel too bad about themselves in my opinion. I bet if we created a super intelligent ai it would organize its cognition (or at least a portion of it) in a way similar to those with autism (because it seems to be more objective). Also famous people like Michelangelo may have had autism. Have you ever noticed when some variance in genetics first arises in society it is usually derided by "the norm" as a disease, or mental illness, or whatever? It unfortunately often takes a lot of people suffering and for society to lose those individuals before we realize the cost of treating people that way, a great example being the loss of Alan Turing in computer science because he was forced to take estrogen because he was gay so that he wouldn't violate british law (it was illegal to have homosexual sex then and he was forced to take estrogen because it was believed this would lower his sex drive he ended up growing breasts and committed suicide).


I don't think my brain has been useful to me. It's mostly worked against me. I feel like there is a huge disconnect between my soul and brain. I sometimes want to commit suicide. The reasons why I'm still alive is because I'm too painphobic to commit suicide and I'm afraid of surviving and ending up more disabled than before.


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## Pseudo Lone Wolf (Jun 14, 2013)

People like thinking one dimensional because it gives them a feeling of having figured out the world and thus smartness or superiority. That's why labels are so popular. It also helps people form groups and cliques. Human psychology and the way the world works is much more complex. Two autistic people can have very different personalities overall. I am saying these as a person who has done a lot of reserach and reading into autism and asperger's.


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## DevilKisses (Mar 5, 2014)

failoutboy said:


> Have you ever felt empathy for anyone? Can you put yourself in another person's shoes? I think that is the biggest indicator of autism.


Yes


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

failoutboy said:


> Have you ever felt empathy for anyone? Can you put yourself in another person's shoes? I think that is the biggest indicator of autism.


So you saying that having problems similar or the same as other people is a sign that, that person is autistic


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

failoutboy said:


> I didn't write clearly. I meant that having empathy is a sign that you are NOT autistic.


Empathy meaning you have feelings for someone?


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## ghost dog (Sep 8, 2013)

I feel like autism is under-researched and lacks an official line of what defines somebody as autistic.

Some professionals will tell you that you have autism at the slightest sign of social handicap or even social anxiety, others will only diagnose with formal signs like lack of empathy and repetitive behavior.

Just shows that whoever diagnosed you is merely a social judge, like kids judge other kids at school, rather than recognizing you as autistic under a solid guideline. While there are guidelines that doctors use to diagnose autism, their possibly distorted perspective of you heavily influences their decision.

You could get tested for autism in two places and their results wouldn't necessarily be the same.

My older brother was labelled autistic, and my mum worried I was too, but tests as a child would show I wasn't. If I went in and got tested today it might return positive, but that positive doesn't mean **** till I see myself on the same level as another autist.

I spent most my childhood worrying about how I acted around people and as I grew up I learned that I was truly afraid of acting autistic.

The autist who doesn't understand how to judge other people on their social behavior.
The autist who doesn't realize their social mistakes and doesn't spend the rest of the day worrying about them.

They're the real autists.

The way I see it, if you can 'tell when your autism is showing', you're probably not actually autistic, just socially awkward and socially anxious with room for improvement 

I think if I wasn't constantly so tired and depressed I'd never have to worry about appearing autistic, there's been days where I'm just full of energy and in a great mood and I act so incredibly... normal.

"being overly sheltered as a child"

yep, as much as I love my parents, they taught me to be afraid of everything and to be a perfect child to my parents(which is an understandable desire considering my brother was a nightmare for them), and so i never did anything wrong and lacked the natural curiosity of a child and soon found myself scared to talk to people

"brain fog"

yep, my mind rarely flows properly when i'm around people or under pressure, alcohol has been proven to fix this in my case  and for that reason i think if i fixed up my sleep pattern, diet and health then the chemicals in my brain would make peace (like they do with alcohol) and i would be able to think straight

Just remember your diagnosis is a product of a 'professional' view on your external self - a good actor could intentionally act autistic and get diagnosed positive, just as you can probably appear less autistic to a professional without those mimic symptoms you described


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## Pseudo Lone Wolf (Jun 14, 2013)

ghost dog said:


> The way I see it, if you can 'tell when your autism is showing', you're probably not actually autistic, just socially awkward and socially anxious with room for improvement


I think this is the point in all mental disorders. A true disorder is when someone can not understand or denies their problem. I have done a lot of reading and research into autism since my brother's son was diagnosed. My father fits the asperger's syndrome to a t. He is mentally like a teenager. He nevers accepts his flaws and blames something external and has a very repetitive daily routine. I guess his autistic genes effected me as being extremely introverted and socially awkward.

The common problems with people like us is not related to the psychological labels but too much negativity, lack of confidence and motivation.


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## daniellynelly (Apr 17, 2014)

Autism is a HUGE spectrum.... So huge, under the right circumstances anyone could show symptoms of it. It's interesting that you say "being diagnosed with autism has caused me to hate myself and have no confidence" and not "being autistic has...." Most of the time, labels do more damage than the behaviors they label. It's really just a word.


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## Thanatar18 (Apr 27, 2014)

Well, even I myself, was diagnosed as "maybe having aspergers" when I was a kid... I'm nothing like that, and never was anything like that ._.

I've got nothing wrong with psychologists, but people need to stop treating them like doctors/professionals of any kind...

*edit*
So, looking online... I'm somewhat like that, according to other sites. But I'm certainly not lacking in empathy, physically clumsy, or lacking in imagination... so yeah, I still call it inaccurate.


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## Vancouver Homeboy (Apr 7, 2014)

Maybe your childhood diagnosis was wrong. It happens. I suggest you get a new assessment done. You don't even have to tell them about the childhood diagnosis.


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## Thanatar18 (Apr 27, 2014)

Vancouver Homeboy said:


> Maybe your childhood diagnosis was wrong. It happens. I suggest you get a new assessment done. You don't even have to tell them about the childhood diagnosis.


I suppose so, out of curiousity...
But what happens if I'm diagnosed for it, or anything similar? Can they force me to take meds, or will it be on my records forever? (as in, even having to note it to government, or employment, etc)

..I suppose I'll just search for an online analysis-test-thingy instead. :idea


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## Ksdanman (Apr 27, 2014)

Thanatar18 said:


> I suppose so, out of curiousity...
> But what happens if I'm diagnosed for it, or anything similar? Can they force me to take meds, or will it be on my records forever? (as in, even having to note it to government, or employment, etc)
> 
> ..I suppose I'll just search for an online analysis-test-thingy instead. :idea


you don't have to tell anyone you are disabled. That is a protected status. You just have to notify employers of special arrangements if you need them otherwise you can be fired for not measuring up as a result of not having the special arrangements. I don't think autism even normally counts even as a disability, a disorder yes sometimes not even that.... as it is only sometime debilitating ( if paired with poor environment).

Autism is a lack of interest in socializing and the outside world. Not a lack of empathy. As a result of lack of socializing and interest in outside world it is harder for them to emphasize but they are not socio paths. And most can socially fit in with practice unless your Sheldon Cooper (Asperger's) bad then find some really nerdy friends.

On the plus side if your somewhat smart and have autism or autistic qualities some people will mistake you for a genius. Hence when they say your autism is showing they may just mean you are really smart and nerdy and I hate that your making me feel dumb. Complement them then when they say something smart and they will probably compliment you when you are social (or tease you in a good way)!


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

What's wrong with being autistic?


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

a lot of people are misdiagnosed with autism


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## DevilKisses (Mar 5, 2014)

I found out my diagnosis was never official. I guess the universe was stopping me from getting a bull**** diagnosis. As I've researched autism more I've been discovering it's just bull****. I think "autism" symptoms are just health issues or personality traits that are often seen together. I don't even think personality really exists. At least not how people think of it. I've also been realizing that it's not helpful to see myself as an introvert. Seeing myself as introverted or autistic just reinforces a fixed mindset.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

You dont seem autistic at all! Sorry to hear that you were misdiagnosed :/

I can imagine what you feel like, because when i was in my early teens, i was extremely inept socially and i had been very over-sheltered and these things were to the point that my parents were considering the idea of putting me in a school for mentally challenged people. But im not even autistic. Life just tries everything possible to make things hell for you, so just ignore it and dont let it ruin your happiness or your confidence.


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## kinsey (Dec 21, 2015)

Oh man, I totally know the feel. Was diagnosed with Asperger when I was like 16, I vehemently fought against it, but I learned to sort of accept this side of me. I think it's something that is best viewed not as a label, not as something that defines you but just a way to describe sort of symptoms you may partially cope with.


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## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

I'm autistic and I found accepting myself as autistic to be the best thing for me. I can't speak for all autistic people but I don't think every "introverted nerd" as you call it is autistic.


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## 8888 (Oct 16, 2014)

sad1231234 said:


> You dont seem autistic at all!


It can be really hard to tell if someone is autistic or not.


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