# How does your therapist help you?



## staticradio725 (Oct 25, 2020)

I've seen a whole lot of different therapists in my life; I would guess that I regularly saw at least five before I found one that really "got" me. I know better than anyone that there are loads of different styles of therapists out there. And I've no doubt that some of the therapists I saw in the past who didn't "get" me have really helped other types of people who aren't me. 

I guess my question is, as far as social anxiety specifically goes, how does your therapist help you? What's their approach? Do you feel like it's working? What is it about your therapist that makes you feel like they're a good fit for you?


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

The last one told me he couldn't even talk to me unless I was taking my medication. I can understand that. He was a very nice man - but some of his ideas didn't exactly gel with me.

Haven't had one for a while - I tend to get sick of them. (same with shrinks)


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## OCDguy1 (Jan 12, 2021)

If I was seeing a Therapist for Social Anxiety, I would hope he/she would come across more as a Life/Confidence Coach. I do think for something like Social Anxiety the roles of Coach/Therapist can be sort of inter-mixed. What do you guys think, and are you content with how your life is progressing at the moment?


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## staticradio725 (Oct 25, 2020)

OCDguy1 said:


> If I was seeing a Therapist for Social Anxiety, I would hope he/she would come across more as a Life/Confidence Coach. I do think for something like Social Anxiety the roles of Coach/Therapist can be sort of inter-mixed.


I suppose I do see my therapist as something of a life coach, if you want to put it that way. I'm not on any meds or anything (my issues aren't the type that can be helped by meds), and I'm extremely self-motivated, so I guess his job is basically to help me formulate my action plans and make sure I stay on-task and focused on the big picture instead of getting lost in all the little details.
I've never been too wild about the term "life coach", though. I feel like it has a bad rap of being associated with woefully unqualified people trying to help people who genuinely need qualified help.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I think I'm too messed up for action plans, tbh. I'm borderline psychotic, but I'm too afraid to take medication, so my therapist is just trying to help me regulate my emotions. And figure out where they're coming from. I had such a bad reaction to our last EMDR session that she wants to scale back. I don't think I could work through this stuff alone. I need a real person to talk to, otherwise I just keep using my coping mechanisms to avoid anxiety and I never get any better. The action plans will come later (I hope).


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## OCDguy1 (Jan 12, 2021)

Hey that sounds rough... Are you able to provide feedback during or after these EMDR sessions? Would it help to share what is on your mind? We are non-judgemental here, and I am assuming no one here knows your true identity?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

She kinda models self-parenting which I try to internalise. She also helps me find solutions I might not have thought of, and more recently has been helping with role plays. Also provides emotional support and validates me. There is some magic that happens in my subconscious too, but I'm not sure what that is.



truant said:


> I think I'm too messed up for action plans, tbh. I'm borderline psychotic, but I'm too afraid to take medication, so my therapist is just trying to help me regulate my emotions. And figure out where they're coming from. I had such a bad reaction to our last EMDR session that she wants to scale back. I don't think I could work through this stuff alone. I need a real person to talk to, otherwise I just keep using my coping mechanisms to avoid anxiety and I never get any better. The action plans will come later (I hope).


Hang in there tru. I have been impressed with how you have engaged with therapy. It's hard when avoidance gets entrenched.

Big hugs.


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## Fixxer (Jul 12, 2011)

There were a few with whom I "dealt" with in the past. Still, currently, I have a psychologist ans a psychiatrist with whom I have regular Zoom meetings.
I had some issues with the first psychologist. She was great to bring in tools and recommend services etc, but she'd take the opportunity to hit me on the head when things didn't go her way. I always felt pulled by her and when she left, I had been debating for months prior, if I was going to still meet up with her or not. I had not considered any psychological help anymore, at the time, because I was blamed too often and it felt more harmful than helpful. Then, came a difficult time at least a year later, which lead a lady from an organisation I was in, to refer me to the services who brought me another psychologist.

The new therapist is not bringing as many tools and services to the table, but he is there to listen to me and adjust to what I live in the moment. With the past psychologist, she planned the meetings ahead of time and we had to follow her lead. Now, with the current psychologist, I feel like it might be less structured, but it does feel like meeting with a counselor, which feels better for me, to have someone to rely on and who won't make me feel like crap.

I also meet with a psychiatrist. She is a bit more strict, although I have a great relation with her. I think she's a bit in between what my psychologists were, in terms of approach. She asks me questions about things like social connections, routines/habits, how I am doing in different areas of my life. I do appreciate currently having this male psychologist and female psychiatrist. As for the past female psychologist, I learned many things from her, but I'm glad that things moved on eventually.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

OCDguy1 said:


> Hey that sounds rough... Are you able to provide feedback during or after these EMDR sessions? Would it help to share what is on your mind? We are non-judgemental here, and I am assuming no one here knows your true identity?


Well, she's always checking to see how I'm feeling. And whenever there's strong emotion, she has me do breathing until I calm down. It's totally up to me whether or not we do them.

The problem isn't so much during therapy, because I don't feel like she's pushing me too hard when we're doing it, but what happens after. I have a long history of psychosomatic problems, and I'm having a pretty bad physical reaction right now. And that might be a reaction to the therapy. My OCD is also acting up quite a bit, in ways that make me feel pretty crazy (I have pure O, not the handwashing stuff). I talk about that in this other thread: ocd/intrusive thoughts. But I've got more problems than you can shake a bag of monkeys at. I'm pretty open about them (eg. this thread).



SplendidBob said:


> Hang in there tru. I have been impressed with how you have engaged with therapy. It's hard when avoidance gets entrenched.
> 
> Big hugs.


Thanks. :squeeze

Therapy again tomorrow. Or, later today, I guess. Should probably try to get a few hours of sleep.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I'm not sure. It's someone who I process the past with. They ask me questions to help me process and understand my traumas.


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## OCDguy1 (Jan 12, 2021)

truant said:


> Well, she's always checking to see how I'm feeling. And whenever there's strong emotion, she has me do breathing until I calm down. It's totally up to me whether or not we do them.
> 
> The problem isn't so much during therapy, because I don't feel like she's pushing me too hard when we're doing it, but what happens after. I have a long history of psychosomatic problems, and I'm having a pretty bad physical reaction right now. And that might be a reaction to the therapy. My OCD is also acting up quite a bit, in ways that make me feel pretty crazy (I have pure O, not the handwashing stuff). I talk about that in this other thread: ocd/intrusive thoughts. But I've got more problems than you can shake a bag of monkeys at. I'm pretty open about them (eg. this thread).
> 
> ...


Hey, thankyou for sharing those links, and your posts. You mentioned feeling ugly a lot, you have so much to learn about yourself... the way you write, the way you express yourself, your honesty with others. These things although just a few expose your inner beauty and there will be/are many more (I only had a glimpse of the real you through a few posts you shared). You are a truly amazing person, don't let anyone tell you different. The thing is, the way we feel about ourselves is reflected in our face. It's time to let all that inner beauty shine, you know you are worth it!


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

OCDguy1 said:


> Hey, thankyou for sharing those links, and your posts. You mentioned feeling ugly a lot, you have so much to learn about yourself... the way you write, the way you express yourself, your honesty with others. These things although just a few expose your inner beauty and there will be/are many more (I only had a glimpse of the real you through a few posts you shared). You are a truly amazing person, don't let anyone tell you different. The thing is, the way we feel about ourselves is reflected in our face. It's time to let all that inner beauty shine, you know you are worth it!


That's very kind of you to say, but I'm just being objective. I don't think how I feel about it makes much difference either way. Get me arguing about it sometime and you'll see how ugly I am. :b But that debate's OT for this thread.


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## OCDguy1 (Jan 12, 2021)

Fighting talk lol. I don't do fights, and I try to avoid arguments... I wouldn't be surprised if you feel the same way about these things... Anyway apart from all of that, how are you today?


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

OCDguy1 said:


> Fighting talk lol. I don't do fights, and I try to avoid arguments... I wouldn't be surprised if you feel the same way about these things... Anyway apart from all of that, how are you today?


I've been struggling with a migraine the last two days, so ... not so good.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

truant said:


> I've been struggling with a migraine the last two days, so ... not so good.


 I don't know if any of my headaches are migraines or not but the ones I have do suck and I hate them. One thing I have found that has been helping more than other things I've tried in the past is if I take an Advil softgel and a Tylenol rapid release together. Seems to (sometimes) have some synergistic effect. Not always though.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I don't know if any of my headaches are migraines or not but the ones I have do suck and I hate them. One thing I have found that has been helping more than other things I've tried in the past is if I take an Advil softgel and a Tylenol rapid release together. Seems to (sometimes) have some synergistic effect. Not always though.


Thanks.  I didn't know you could take these together, but apparently you can. I'm kind of paranoid about taking drugs but I might try this. I've been taking Advil for Migraines but it seems hit or miss. I often wake up with migraines, and if I wake up with one it's already too late. If I can catch it while it's starting I can sometimes head it off, though.

Sorry for the OT posts.


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## CarpeLibrum (Jun 2, 2015)

When I was seeing a therapist, he helped me change my thinking and deal with social situations + life's bs. I started keeping an anxiety journal where I would describe any event where I felt anxious, rate my level of anxiety, and then we would discuss each event. What was going through my mind in the moment? Why was I so anxious? How could I approach the situation differently? Admittedly, altering my thinking was a bit of a struggle (it still is), but I always felt better after our discussions and a little more prepared. I made more of an effort to accept situations out of my control, to not beat myself up mentally, and to utilize a few techniques when preparing for a stressful/difficult situation. He also made me aware that negative social situations are a part of life for everyone and I shouldn't get so worked up about bumping into some random a**hole.

I feel like those therapy sessions were working and that I made progress compared to when I started. I don't know what makes a good fit, but he was a nice man who had a calming voice and made an effort to make sure I always felt comfortable. I also appreciate that our sessions were discussions. He always tried to better understand me and discuss the situations I encountered. I never felt as though I was being lectured or talked down to.


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## blewPanda (Jul 16, 2018)

My last two didn't help. They gave up on me in less than a month because they told me they didn't know how to treat my social anxiety. As if I didn't already feel broken beyond repair. I realized it didn't matter if had a probono therapist or a $120/hr therapist...they all failed me and/or I'm permanently defective. It's weird to them I'm confident and love myself...the world has a problem with my extreme introversion, not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladysmurf (Jan 3, 2012)

CarpeLibrum said:


> When I was seeing a therapist, he helped me change my thinking and deal with social situations + life's bs. I started keeping an anxiety journal where I would describe any event where I felt anxious, rate my level of anxiety, and then we would discuss each event. What was going through my mind in the moment? Why was I so anxious? How could I approach the situation differently? Admittedly, altering my thinking was a bit of a struggle (it still is), but I always felt better after our discussions and a little more prepared. I made more of an effort to accept situations out of my control, to not beat myself up mentally, and to utilize a few techniques when preparing for a stressful/difficult situation. He also made me aware that negative social situations are a part of life for everyone and I shouldn't get so worked up about bumping into some random a**hole.
> 
> I feel like those therapy sessions were working and that I made progress compared to when I started. I don't know what makes a good fit, but he was a nice man who had a calming voice and made an effort to make sure I always felt comfortable. I also appreciate that our sessions were discussions. He always tried to better understand me and discuss the situations I encountered. I never felt as though I was being lectured or talked down to.


I wish I could find someone like that...the one I had before was useless.. it's hard to find someone for when you are dealing with social anxiety...


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

My first therapist I had in college was pretty bad, and I stopped seeing him after a few weeks. 

My second one I thought was pretty decent and might've been pretty good had I stuck to her longer. But at the time, I was living at home. And due to my social environment there, just about everything she suggested to me and things to do, it didn't work or I couldn't do without triggering problems at home. It was then, she dug a lot into my home life and she labeled that to be a likely root concern. Eventually she just told me unless I get out of that environment, there really isn't much she could do for me at that point. That was pretty much the end to it as I saw it was pointless to keep paying for someone just for me to vent to. 

Nowadays, I do feel like a therapist will do me more good, but I am probably not accessible to one with my insurance. If I really want to, it will cost me an arm and a leg.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

My last one used to tell me stories about his prostate "procedure." (it's always called a "procedure" when it comes to that part of the body - not an operation :roll) Jesus we had some laughs.

I wouldn't mind seeing that one again actually - he was a funny guy.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Swore I answered this, maybe I deleted. Modeling vulnerable, effective, healthy communication. Providing corrective experiences. Helping me reframe thoughts. Encouraging me to feel feelings and then cope with them. Tons of modeling and doing regulation exercises. Some trauma processing. We're talking about EMDR. Helping me choose manageable goals and stay focused on them. Helping me to accept and validate myself. Helping me develop a robust sense of self. Pretty much everything I would've learned if I had a healthy upbringing.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

My therapist listens intently to me. She's one of the few people who I feel really understands what I'm saying, sometimes better than I do. She's provides needed support without being a crutch. She provides encouragement and I feel like she sees the best in me and not just who I am but who I can be. She genuinely believes in me and that goes a long way for me since I've never had that, it makes me believe in myself.


She also helps keep things in perspective and we come up with coping strategies and step by step plans for the week ahead.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I don't think I've ever had one that helped me - I think they've been a waste of my time. Psychiatrists and psychologists. I'd like to find one that's worth listening to - someone I can actually respect. That's not an easy thing to find in my experience.

Shrinks just want to give you pills - and many of them are stupid. Especially as soon as they see a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. The psychologists I've known have been extremely limited - not in the number I've seen, but in their capacity to actually do anything constructive. It annoys the hell out of me tbh.


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## irishkarl (Apr 20, 2020)

i like being able to talk openly with my therapist and find that she is non judgemental where if i told family members the same stuff it could probably provoke an argument


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

I had a teletherapy session a week ago and I did nothing but lie. I canâ€™t be honest with a therapist so they canâ€™t help me. A big part of my problem is that I canâ€™t be honest with people and I always put up a wall of sorts. I wanted to work on that but it seems I canâ€™t until itâ€™s no longer a problem. Catch 22!

I tried to include only true details that I wanted my therapist to know so that they could give me the advice I need. But I realize that Iâ€™m just creating a fictional client for them to diagnose, and am therefore not getting therapy at all, and I knew that this fictional character needed the same advice as me, Iâ€™d have to know what advice I need so therapy would be pointless anyway.

I donâ€™t trust anyone.


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## zkv (Feb 18, 2020)

My therapist feels right. We talk like people talk, he doesn't get pointy-headed on me. He keeps reassuring me that as far as he can tell, I'm perfectly capable of social communication. He also gently nudges me to take risks. Thanks to that, I've reestablished communication with a couple people I met a few months back.

He's a nice guy.


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## Citrine79 (Dec 14, 2016)

My last therapist moved away in the middle of the Covid lockdown last year so I got moved to another therapist within the practice and to date, I’ve yet to meet him. Still doing sessions via the app but would not mind going into the office for an in person session. Still not quite as comfortable with him as I was the last one but he is very good about letting me rant (one subject in particular is really bothering me at the moment. He doesn’t lecture or judge on this topic or others when he very easily could because I have some really messed up thoughts on it. He, like my previous one, is pretty chill and laid back and I like that approach better than rigid, more structured ones I have seen in the past.


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## lily (Nov 9, 2018)

I used to have a really good social worker in hs but something happened after I graduated and she worked somewhere else and she just disappeared. I called there and they said she wasn't there  but I know I could still get a new therapist but she was great and sincere. I wonder if it was anything I've said that pushed her away from her job


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