# ok, im gona do my own cbt-like thing right here!



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, Ive been trying to do this in my head and I just freakin need to type it out to make sense of everything. cbt is so expensive and only an hour a week. doing it to myself is free and 24/7. Also, theres a stronger sense of independance in doing it yourself, plus more confidence in yourself in finding out the right beliefs yourself as opposed to a therapist telling you your beliefs are wrong (which could hurt your confidence if you constantly feel your wrong)

plus, i can custom make this to however it works best.

so Ive noticed there are 3 personalities in me. there is

*yang* - my desire to love, care and make other people feel good, my need to bond with them. 
*yin* - my hate, my fear of others, fear of their hostility, which creates hate for them, avoidance and any other defense mechanism. 
and then there is me, the 
*intelligence* - emotionally neutral, fully rational, dedicated to success.

Other definitions: 
*The goal*- To create a cycle of positive thinking and form close friendships and relationship 
*AJ* - Every part of my mind and body that makes up the person I am

so, my main problem is that yin, my defensive personality seems to be in charge of social interactions. this is clearly going against my goal to achieve friendships and relationships. yin is very useful for anything competitive or dangerous, but not for bonding. I need yang to be in charge of this, but yin seems unwilling to give up control.

beliefs that people are hostile is what keeps putting yin in control, since he is the specialist on defense. so those beliefs will now be addressed and confronted here.

so basically I'm going to let the aspects of my personality speak, feel free to jump in and help if ya want, here we go:


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

people have been avoiding AJ, and enjoyingg talking amongst each other, and completely ignoring AJ. this shows that people are cruel and heartless things. they hate AJ, and they must pay for what they have done!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> people have been avoiding AJ, and enjoyingg talking amongst each other, and completely ignoring AJ. this shows that people are cruel and heartless things. they hate AJ, and they must pay for what they have done!











what have they done wrong to conclude they are cruel and heartless? they're just out there trying to have fun like AJ is. They have not attacked AJ in any way


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> what have they done wrong to conclude they are cruel and heartless? they're just out there trying to have fun like AJ is. They have not attacked AJ in any way











they bond with each other, but they avoid AJ! this isnt just a one time thing, its a consistant life long pattern. maybe if they all had trouble talking to each other and were introverted, then it would be ok. but they clearly have no problem talking, so they exclude AJ on purpose! they're monsters and deserve to be hated


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> they bond with each other, but they avoid AJ! this isnt just a one time thing, its a consistant life long pattern. maybe if they all had trouble talking to each other and were introverted, then it would be ok. but they clearly have no problem talking, so they exclude AJ on purpose! they're monsters and deserve to be hated











This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.











hey, Im not defensive at all. In fact nothing makes me happier than making someone else feel happy and good  . Wouldnt it be nice if I could talk to them and ask them stuff and give them a chance to share their thoughts and feelings? you know how much people like to share! I could share stuff too, and then I get to have fun too


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.





_AJ_ said:


> hey, Im not defensive at all. In fact nothing makes me happier than making someone else feel happy and good  . Wouldnt it be nice if I could talk to them and ask them stuff and give them a chance to share their thoughts and feelings? you know how much people like to share! I could share stuff too, and then I get to have fun too











yes, this is all soundds very nice in theory, but are you forgetting all the outings AJ has been on, all the times AJ has actually tried this?? remember how they reacted?? that time AJ went bowling, AJ gave it his best attempt, they responded with a short answer and went back to babbling with each other! AJ wasnt being defensive then, AJ was really trying to be friendly, and it wasnt good enough for them!! no, they would rather talk with the guy who was much better at being fun and charismatic. 
This is cause they are selfish and without compassion! they will not even take a moment to help out someone who is weaker at socializing!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> yes, this is all soundds very nice in theory, but are you forgetting all the outings Ive been on, all the times Ive actually tried this?? remember how they reacted?? that time I went bowling, I gave it my best attempt, they responded with a short answer and went back to babbling with each other! I wasnt being defensive then, I was really trying to be friendly, and it wasnt good enough for them!! no, they would rather talk with the guy who was much better at being fun and charismatic.
> This is cause they are selfish and without compassion! they will not even take a moment to help out someone who is weaker at socializing!











ok, this is a society of variety and not everyone will enjoy talking to anyone. some people are easier to talk to, though. why dont we just keep trying, maybe find easier situations and get better and better.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, this is a society of variety and not everyone will enjoy talking to anyone. some people are easier to talk to, though. why dont we just keep trying, maybe find easier situations and get better and better.











this is stupid! animals dont need to do any of this ****! they just have fun with each other and not have to say a damn thing! humans are dumb, and put unreasonable expectations on AJ, with absolutely no training, no teaching, no help, not even for money!! they're ****ing *******s!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> this is stupid! animals dont need to do any of this ****! they just have fun with each other and not have to say a damn thing! humans are dumb, and put unreasonable expectations on me, with absolutely no training, no teaching, no help, not even for money!! they're ****ing *******s!











no , this is not true, people all have the ability to care and love inside them. we just have to get it out of them, maybe by being the one to take the first step. there are many benefits to being human as opposed to being an animal. you never have to worry about being jumped on by someone you dont like. you never have to live in a cage, or to be someones food. as an animal you wouldnt be able to express your thoughts.

Its so much more fun to like people. theres no reason to hate anyone, all thats doing is making things worse.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yang is right, hating people is not going to create any bonds between us and people.

our goal is to create the proper cycle as seen here








if we can accomplish this, forming relationships and close friendships will be very easy. yin, I really dont see any justification for your revenge.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> no , this is not true, people all have the ability to care and love inside them. we just have to get it out of them, maybe by being the one to take the first step. there are many benefits to being human as opposed to being an animal. you never have to worry about being jumped on by someone you dont like. you never have to live in a cage, or to be someones food. as an animal you wouldnt be able to express your thoughts.
> 
> Its so much more fun to like people. theres no reason to hate anyone, all thats doing is making things worse.











you can speculate all you want, but I have actual real proof! you saw what happened today, you saw it! they dont like AJ! AJ was not good enough for them!! AJ was magnificant! he was funny, friendly, caring, fun! AJ was evenb trying to help them! but none of it was good enough for these ****ing human creatures! they rejected AJ just like they always have!!

this fantasy of people having good inside them is nonsense!! they arent like AJ, they are cruel beings, selfish and uncaring. Why does AJ even bother trying to help them, why help the enimie defeat you?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

We were doing so well, until todays incident

I had lots of fun conversations with people I never had before.
haircutters, cashiers, customers, people on the street!

the belief that people are *******s was almost gone, I was seeing the good in people! then someone does something to me that throws me right back to where I started, sigh.

Alright, discontinue contact with this person immediately. We will adjourn for a bit, so that AJ can recover from this incident. Just remember of the two people who were there for you to talk to when you were sad. let them show that not all people are bad.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, were reconvening. so, lets analyse what happened that last few days:
person A would rather spend time as friends with person B than with AJ
This causes me to believe Person A does not like spending time with AJ
Yin brought up that this is a consistant pattern based on simular past events
Yang is saddened by this and becomes depressed 
Yin is infuriated and concludes something is wrong with other people
Yin dominated and the descion to discontinue contact was made in a way that attacks Person A. Then Unusual circumstances occured that allowed for this course of action to be halted and a non-aggressive neutral solution was formulated. The nature of these circumstances is still under debate as to whether it was coincidence or some sort of divine intervention.

so lets all just be clear on one thing:
The goal is to form close relations with people.
The goal is all that is relevant. Depression is irrelevant. Attention is irrelevant. Fear is irrelavant. Suffering is irrelevant. Anger is irrelevant. Revenge is irrelevant. Being disliked is irrelevant. People not wanting to hang out is irrelevant. Person A is irrelevant. Person B is irrelevant.
Finding people who do like spending time with AJ is relevant.

does anyone wish to dispute this? speak now:


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> no such people exist. no one likes AJ!!


overgeneralization


_AJ_ said:


> They will persecute AJ like they always have.


all or none thinking


_AJ_ said:


> no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!


avoiding the question. the question was: does anyone dispute that the goal is all that is relevant?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!











May I remind you of the friends 
the elementary crew: Tyrone, James, Eddie, Adam, Rodney
the high school crew: Dean, Andy, Christina, greg, Anusha, Amit, Sam
the HK crew: sanjay, nitin
the Bentley crew: Pam, Kayla, Leah, Michelle, Lanie, shushi's daughter, Debbie
the ETP crew: savana, BC guy, harley, guy with harley, gay guy
posties: danny, cool guy, steve, jonesy
college crew: romi, george, sammy, cynarra
hudsons incident: Sarah Rob
all of which tried to be friends!

yes, some people werent interested, but all you ever do is focus on them! what about all the people I listed above?
many are still in AJ's life, still friends!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> overgeneralization
> 
> all or none thinking











you can have hope all you want, but the results are the results! no one is particularily close to AJ and no one ever has been! do you dispute this?



_AJ_ said:


> avoiding the question. the question was: does anyone dispute that the goal is all that is relevant?


the goal is not relevant because the goal is impossible!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> May I remind you of the friends
> the elementary crew: Tyrone, James, Eddie, Adam, Rodney
> the high school crew: Dean, Andy, Christina, greg, Anusha, Amit, Sam
> the HK crew: sanjay, nitin
> ...











The majority of the people were against AJ


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> The majority of the people were against AJ











The fact that even a small amount of people were friendly shows that there are some compatible! Aj doesnt have to be friends with everyone!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> you can have hope all you want, but the results are the results! no one is particularily close to AJ and no one ever has been! do you dispute this?


yes i do. The people AJ hung out with today are close and growing closer everytime


_AJ_ said:


> the goal is not relevant because the goal is impossible


why is that impossible? many people do it all the time


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad











you just agreed that the goal is all that is relevant.
hurt is irrelevant. rejection is irrelevant. The search will go on. AJ will be slowly weened into more effective search methods to ease the pain so it is not overwhelming


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad











yin
its either a choice of the hurt of rejection or the hurt of lonliness. but at least if we risk rejection we will find some people who will make great friends


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

They must pay for rejecting AJ!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> They must pay for rejecting AJ!











Why? doesnt everyone have the right to choose their friends? must we force two incompatibles together? is there a shortage of people in the world?
rejection is irrelevant


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> Why? doesnt everyone have the right to choose their friends? must we force two incompatibles together? is there a shortage of people in the world?











There is a shortage of people for AJ, cause they're stupid culture is against AJ just going up to people and making friends! What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts. This sort of thinking must be punished with hatred of them! It must not be allowed!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts.











jumping to conclusions. they may respond positively, its been seen happen.


_AJ_ said:


> There is a shortage of people for AJ, cause they're stupid culture is against AJ just going up to people and making friends! What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts. This sort of thinking must be punished with hatred of them! It must not be allowed!


the culture is such so that people may walk freely without being stopped. There are places where people go to make friends: bars, social gatherings, clubs, internet. This allows all the people who are trying to make friends to do it together, and not bother people who arent interested. its a good system.

We can easily cooperate with this.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Anything else yin? any issues or problems you have with my plan to achieve the goal are very important to me. If were gona do this, we have to do it together.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

if theres no further arguement, then Id like yang to take over AJs social life. yang, could you go over some of the new beliefs you'd like to incorporate.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> if theres no further arguement, then Id like yang to take over AJs social life. yang, could you go over some of the new beliefs you'd like to incorporate.











ok, well sometimes AJ doesnt like things people do right? but should those people fear AJ cause of this? should they avoid him? nope

so why should AJ fear others? they're alright, decent people, just like AJ! I want this to be realized on a regular basis.


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## OKdOut (Feb 22, 2008)

You seem to think that emotions should match behaviour, and you are therefore trapped in a tug-of-war between following your emotions or justifying your actions.It's a lost cause because emotions can change and always will change, but actions that are taken, have happened and can not be taken back. The actions to take in gaining friendship or love, are a bunch of absurd customs and incoherent rituals practiced by irrational humans. They can not be justified or emotionally reconciled. If something works, just keep doing, and if something doesn't work, change that behaviour.

As for emotions, they are burned into our souls by mysterious means either biologically or socially . What one feels emotionally deep inside isn't relevant to how one should deal with other people, because other people can not feel what you are feeling. People only see the actions of others, and any inter-action with others is purely a series of culturally significant actions. Actions are not the output of emotions, and should not be.

In forming friendships or any other relationship between humans, one should concentrate on whether or not their actions is appropriate to the cause or goal from an outsiders perspective- not whether or not their emotions justify those actions.

Humans know that emotions are fleeting and can not be trusted. It is for that reason that relationships are earned by a series of actions that indicate that a person is willing to hold his/her emotions at bay, in order to neutralise both his/her offensive emotions as well as the other person's defensive emotions.
Emotional bonds between friends and lovers, are built by ignoring irrational emotions of the self, and re-enforcing unnecessary customs shared by the participants.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yes, the negative emotions must be neutralized. but positive emotions are needed for 
emotional bonds between friends and lovers.

action is and will continue to be taken so that time is spent with people, but going out to outings and coffee doesnt appear to be creating any strong emotional bond.
if something doesn't work, change that behaviour, so the proposed behavior change will be towards "wanting to help and make people feel good."

so that will be done , as well, I hope to bond by fighting a common enimie as a group. the common enimie would be anxiety in this case, so Im going try and get me and my friends to try going to various places and new environments. hopefully this facing of fear as a group will create some bonding. so thats the action that will be taken.

we'll see how it goes, but what i dont want to happen is to go into these outings with the idea that "everyone is out to hurt me." This is what Ive done in the past, and the main point of this thread is to change that


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

joking about stuff when you go out is pretty fun! 
so is talking about your day, your plans in life, your problems, your successes
so is hearing about other peoples'
it satisfies the curiousity!

all those things will make a nice bond happen too


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Alright, theres a few more issues that need to be resolved here
1)unfairness
as we know life isnt fair and some people have it easy while everyone else has to work hard:
-celebrities
-rich people
-attractive women

I say we hate these people! its only fair!

2)being left out

we still never addressed the issue of Person A leaving AJ out, a few days ago.
as was said, this is not an isolated incident, its actually a quite common and expected occurance on any social outing. rejection is irrevelvant, fine! but what are we gona do about these people?!
AJ should terminate all contact with these people immediately and permanently!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> Alright, theres a few more issues that need to be resolved here
> 1)unfairness
> as we know life isnt fair and some people have it easy while everyone else has to work hard:
> -celebrities
> ...


no, to hate them would mean its ok for someone in a poor country or someone in a wheel chair to hate AJ
everyone is at their own place in life with their own set of problems.

AJ should care about everyone like family. if a family member is doing well you dont hate them! you be happy for them


_AJ_ said:


> 2)being left out
> 
> we still never addressed the issue of Person A leaving AJ out, a few days ago.
> as was said, this is not an isolated incident, its actually a quite common and expected occurance on any social outing. rejection is irrevelvant, fine! but what are we gona do about these people?!
> AJ should terminate all contact with these people immediately and permanently!


no, things can change, relationships can improve, terminating contact at the first difficulty is weakness and giving up! just cause your family memeber enjoys time with someone else more than you, doesnt mean you disown them. a friend should be like family


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Anything else on those matters?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

no? then I guess thats settled
any other issues?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, we've been beating about the bush here, avoiding the real problem!
so lets get to the real the issue! and thats the sheer lack of results AJ has had!
how many girlfriends has AJ had? zero!
how many very close friends does AJ have? 1?2? and really, just how close are they if AJ barely spends time with them, if AJ still considers life lonely??

you can justify anything you want, but in the end AJs record speaks for itself. people dont like AJ. I mean sure, they dont hate AJ, but they dont want to be close to AJ, they dont wanna spend time with AJ. and why?? AJ goes out, he hangs out with people, he goes on dates, why after all these years not a single girlfriend? why arent these friendships becoming close? why dont you tell me why, yang

or maybe you could ****ing figure it out, intelligence, you smartass

its either one of two things, either everyone is a ****ing *** to AJ, or AJ just isnt good enough for these *******s


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> alright, we've been beating about the bush here, avoiding the real problem!
> so lets get to the real the issue! and thats the sheer lack of results AJ has had!
> how many girlfriends has AJ had? zero!
> how many very close friends does AJ have? 1?2? and really, just how close are they if AJ barely spends time with them, if AJ still considers life lonely??
> ...












The cycle continues. Yin dominates the mind. AJ goes out with people. Yins belief that "people dislike AJ" causes AJ to exhibit hostile body language, hostile tone, hostile mannerisms and most importantly a general refuting of the possibility that a person likes AJ. The people typically respond with reciprocation. Yin gets more proof for his cause that "people dislike AJ" and maintains his dominances stronger that AJs foreign policy should be defensive in nature.
The cycle must end.

In other words:
This cycle is the very reason for AJs lack of results by comparision to the average person. however, Yins constant reminder of AJs record only strengthens the negative belief and the negative cycle.

don't you see yin, the reason for the poor results is because of you


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

whats the harm in letting me run the show for awhile? yin, you've been in charge of AJs social life since the beginning, and look at the result. You admit yourself, they're not very good results.

Whats the harm in trying to care for people? whats the harm in helping people? Why are we sacrificing so much joy here? for what?

people are capable of giving so much fun, joy, pleasure, love and care. We need to start looking for this


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

its very simplistic to just look at the individual parts of the cycle. 
for example:
Someone doesnt want to spend time with you
You dislike them

it takes intelligence to see the full cycle as the real problem:
You have habit of assuming people dislike you (Yin dominance of social life)
someone feels this vibe
Someone doesnt want to spend time with you
You dislike them
bad habit gets stronger

Recognizing the real problem is the first step, next we need to figure how to change to the positive cycle (yang dominated)


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

and after all you attempts at friendship, and we find AJ all alone as usual, then what will you do?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> and after all you attempts at friendship, and we find AJ all alone as usual, then what will you do?











yes, 
we may fail
we may make mistakes
we may need a break
we may struggle
we may get frustrated
we may feel hopeless

but we will not give up!

remember those mario games? did AJ play them to save the princess?? no, he played them cause the challenge was fun. The same can be said for life.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, Im not going to give up full control here, but i will give this some chance.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

that will have to do for now, Im sure in time you will see the value in this. We are a team here, and we will work together for the good of AJ

yang, we need to build some positive beliefs. Ideally, I want you to be as passionate about them as yin is about his negativity


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, lets just start imagining all the fun things we can do with people. and by fun, i dont mean stuff they find fun, but stuff AJ finds fun. it will be quite fun thinking about fun!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, lets just start imagining all the fun things we can do with people. and by fun, i dont mean stuff they find fun, but stuff AJ finds fun. it will be quite fun thinking about fun!











I see, and then once we got a good idea of these, we keep trying to make it so until it happens, starting with the easiest, and hence, begin forming a good opinion of others with evidence to back it up.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, were going to a social gathering on friday the 12th, and after running a simulation of it in the imagination, there has been a very negative response to AJ's friends there. yin, I thought you were going to give some leeway here, please explain what your feeling.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I intend to create a negative vibe to ruin the entire experience for everyone, until they give AJ the love and attention he deserves! I dont see what the problem here is, I will be simply comunicating discontent at their lack of interest in AJ. and you know they dont give a **** about AJ, so I will make them suffer with my bitterness until they do!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> I intend to create a negative vibe to ruin the entire experience for everyone, until they give AJ the love and attention he deserves! I dont see what the problem here is, I will be simply comunicating discontent at their lack of interest in AJ. and you know they dont give a **** about AJ, so I will make them suffer with my bitterness until they do!











yes, Ive seen this before in AJ and in others. Trying to create pity, playing the victim. In the end it would seem self-defeating as it annoys them to the point where they dont want to be anywhere around AJ. You said you would give yang a chance here.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> yes, Ive seen this before in AJ and in others. Trying to create pity, playing the victim. In the end it would seem self-defeating as it annoys them to the point where they dont want to be anywhere around AJ. You said you would give yang a chance here.











yang will care for them, and they dont deserve that! they dont care about AJ, and they ignore AJ. And I will make them pay for what they have done!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> yang will care for them, and they dont deserve that! they dont care about AJ, and they ignore AJ. And I will make them pay for what they have done!











we did this for years! remember? all it did was push everyone away!
there are people playing the victim with AJ now and they arent very fun to be around!

it doesnt have to be like this, we can all have fun and be happy together, we can all enjoy each others company.

listen, heres how it can go: AJ shows up there, meets up with friends, fullfills his curiousity as to what they've been up to, expresses stuff AJ's been up to, tell a few jokees, have some laughs and just enjoy seeing what happens at the event. AJ can leave at anytime if he's bored, its just for enjoyment.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

well this is interesting, isnt it. throughout this entire thread AJ has felt fully commited to being negative, then suddenly after some reasoning, the negativity is gone.

just now I felt like I must go to this outing and be angry and upset, and it simply has to be that way because it is right! and now going there and being a pleasant happy enjoyable person seems much more correct.

This strange irrational outburst of negativity must be examined further. It seems very common among people. logically, if people dont like you, the ideal response to change their mind would be to be more positive and fun. however, instead there seems to be a very negative response, quite often.

it makes no sense. We will run the simulation again, and yin, I want you to feel free to express any negativity you feel about any of it. Just let it all out. I will examine you while you do this.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Its not about whats rational, its about whats fair!

They all have close relationships! why was AJ left out!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> Its not about whats rational, its about whats fair!
> 
> They all have close relationships! why was AJ left out!











a desire to have close relationships is present. It appears futile to achieve with positive means. Therefore the mind resorts back to what has always worked, fighting for whats fair. Growing up everything had to be fair with AJ and his sibling, if not, the parents were scolded until it was made fair.

Yin is AJs worst side, built for attack only, hence Yin is put in charge of the attack. I understand. Fighting for ones rights is important, but the positive approach has been overlooked, even avoided.

The flaw is seeing the futility of being positive. It is not futile. We've seen many people use it successfully and I just need you to give it a chance.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

life isnt going to be fair all the time, but we can make it fun! trust me, just stick with me, no matter how hopeless it seems. yin, we stuck with you for AJ's whole life, even though you've consistantly failed to get results. All I ask is for the same opportunity. Intelligence agrees that Im the best guy for the job, and he is the smartest of us, thats his job, to be smart! 

yin, I know you wanna hurt everyone, but just let me show you how caring and fun they can be, and you'll never wanna hurt them again


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> life isnt going to be fair all the time, but we can make it fun! trust me, just stick with me, no matter how hopeless it seems. yin, we stuck with you for AJ's whole life, even though you've consistantly failed to get results. All I ask is for the same opportunity. Intelligence agrees that Im the best guy for the job, and he is the smartest of us, thats his job, to be smart!
> 
> yin, I know you wanna hurt everyone, but just let me show you how caring and fun they can be, and you'll never wanna hurt them again











you sound so meaningless, so fake.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

you're not going to give yang a chance are you. Its not in your nature, you are yin, you dont give anyone a chance.

Fine then, hate them. hate everyone you can. hate with all your might. be as bitter as you can be. make it so


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

come on, what you waiting for, give me some hatred, some fear, some depression. anything you got, just make it as painful as possible. Thats what you want right? Theres no reasoning with you, so just do as you wish. make it so


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

no? nothing? why dont we think of some people. would that make it easier?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, how bout the person at work, you know which one. dont you just hate their ****ing ***? What would you like to do about that, yin?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

...........


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ...........











interesting, I feel nothing from yin. no negative emotions. Apparently yin feeds on conflict. Instead of arguing with him, giving him maximum cooperation seems to pacify him.
Im not entirely convinced though. I want to see if this still works tomorrow for the entire day while among others.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

amazing!
today at work I was laughing and joking with my coworkers like never before.
and not a single negative thought about anyone! This is going very well. We'll see how it goes tomorrow


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

people reacted very well to happy cheery goofy AJ, didnt they. Its a much more enjoyable way to live


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, everything seems to be going well

now lets take some action and see what happens. Im having a girl come hang out all day tomorrow. Hanging out with friends at a free hugs event on friday 12th. Salsa class on saturday.


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## AnxiousIaM (Jan 14, 2010)

Dude, start a blog and let me know where it is.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

AnxiousIaM said:


> Dude, start a blog and let me know where it is.











ill have to learn how to make one


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> alright, everything seems to be going well
> 
> now lets take some action and see what happens. Im having a girl come hang out all day tomorrow. Hanging out with friends at a free hugs event on friday 12th. Salsa class on saturday.











Progress Report:
Girl came over, we had fun. very good!
went to free hugs event, hugged someone, got very nervous and didnt greet friends. fair
Salsa class. overwhelmed with anxiety. 
learned to dance. Walked away with negative beliefs. We shall now go over those negative beliefs.
Yin, go ahead


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## sash (Nov 16, 2009)

Great idea AJ.  It looks like it's working for ya.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

sash said:


> Great idea AJ.  It looks like it's working for ya.











yes, the results have been quite impressive. bad beliefs that have troubled me for years have been completely removed. everytime they came up, my counter arguements from this thread came up too, until it just became a habit and now it doesnt come up.

Theres still alot of negative beliefs remaining. I have to find them all and counter them, even if it means going threw every single one one by one as they come up


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

That girl AJ danced with appeared bored and bothered! No one likes AJ! AJ looked like ****! AJ danced horribly! People were all looking at AJ like he was a weirdo cause he's all tall and gimpy looking


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> That girl AJ danced with appeared bored and bothered! No one likes AJ! AJ looked like ****! AJ danced horribly! People were all looking at AJ like he was a weirdo cause he's all tall and gimpy looking











ok, lets break this down:


_AJ_ said:


> That girl AJ danced with appeared bored and bothered!


jumping to conclusions.
maybe she is just like that normally
maybe something in her life that bothered her was on her mind
maybe she had something important to do
maybe she was nervous
she had taken many classes before and was filling in as partner, maybe a beginner class was very redundant for her


_AJ_ said:


> No one likes AJ!


All or none thinking. the few do not represent everyone


_AJ_ said:


> AJ looked like ****!


Body dysmorphic disorder. AJ looked superb by witness testimonials


_AJ_ said:


> AJ danced horribly!


being too hard on AJ. it was a beginner class and AJ hasnt done this in years.
oh, and i believe the instructor and parnter said many times: "you're doing very good"


_AJ_ said:


> People were all looking at AJ like he was a weirdo cause he's all tall and gimpy looking


mind reading
Body dysmorphic disorder

being tall is a good thing. We have several witness testomony to prove AJ is good looking.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I thought the whole thing was very fun and educational. I cant wait till AJ goes out dancing with friends! AJ will get even better next class


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Good stuff AJ!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

mind_games said:


> Good stuff AJ!











very good indeed!!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so if theres no more arguement on the dance lesson, lets move on to the next order of business.

lets discuss the need for reassurance. AJ seems to need other people to make the first move with regards to making phone calls, dating sites, general conversation. AJ has proved to be more than capable of initiating conversation on several occations, however Im not seeing AJ go after the relationships that are the goal, due to this need for reassurance.

I assume this is a fear of rejection/disapproval. And although this fear has been faced many many times, it still exists quite strong. So instead of just facing the fear, we shall examine the beliefs behind it. Then we shall attempt to send messages via plentyoffish.com and observe the result.
yin, if you would please go into detail as to the nature of this need for reassurance:


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

If AJ makes the first move, the person will be annoyed. If they make the first move then we are assured the person desires AJ.

I dont want them to hurt me with their rejection!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> If AJ makes the first move, the person will be annoyed.


jumping to conclusions


_AJ_ said:


> I dont want them to hurt me with their rejection!


hurt is irrelevant, rejection is irrelevant. We agreed on this earlier


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> hurt is irrelevant, rejection is irrelevant. We agreed on this earlier











it still ****in hurts! and I dont wanna go threw that!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> it still ****in hurts! and I dont wanna go threw that!











just cause one person rejects, doesnt mean no one likes AJ! I like AJ! You like AJ! Intelligence likes AJ! Thats all we need.

also AJs friends like AJ. People on this site like AJ. And believe me, there are tons of people who would like AJ out there. The fun part is trying to find them


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> just cause one person rejects, doesnt mean no one likes AJ! I like AJ! You like AJ! Intelligence likes AJ! Thats all we need.
> 
> also AJs friends like AJ. People on this site like AJ. And believe me, there are tons of people who would like AJ out there. The fun part is trying to find them











ok, but im not motivated enough for this. All that talking and awkwardness is boring and annoying.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, but im not motivated enough for this. All that talking and awkwardness is boring and annoying.











ok, forget about all that
lets imagine how AJ can have fun with the people he meets!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, forget about all that
> lets imagine how AJ can have fun with the people he meets!











Agreed.

AJ will go lie down and imagine this, then we shall reconviene here and attempt plentyoffish messaging.

Make it so.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, after visualizing a happy fun relationship, it felt like there was no way that could ever possibly happen. Then the idea that it may very well be possible came up and it was a very strange feeling, like a whole new way of thinking about everyone. Its a very pleasant feeling.

I began looking at profiles on POF and just looking at the photos caused anxiety, like a sudden anticipation of their dislike.

I sent a message to one person.

yin, please describe in detail the nature of the anxiety that was just felt:


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Any relations with them will be hostile with them constantly judging and persecuting AJ! Everything from Age, race, Job, physical appearance, nervousness, inability to be entertaining will be looked at and used to persecute AJ!

I see no reason why we should pointlessly endure this torture. this is futile and pointless


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## PlayerOffGames (Mar 19, 2007)

this is amazing...is it ok if i add a link to this thread in my sig?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

inna sense said:


> this is amazing...is it ok if i add a link to this thread in my sig?











yeah, go ahead, ill take that as a compliment


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> Any relations with them will be hostile with them constantly judging and persecuting AJ! Everything from Age, race, Job, physical appearance, nervousness, inability to be entertaining will be looked at and used to persecute AJ!
> 
> I see no reason why we should pointlessly endure this torture. this is futile and pointless











fortune telling

you dont know any of this


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> Any relations with them will be hostile with them constantly judging and persecuting AJ! Everything from Age, race, Job, physical appearance, nervousness, inability to be entertaining will be looked at and used to persecute AJ!
> 
> I see no reason why we should pointlessly endure this torture. this is futile and pointless











forming relations with people is very fun, even if your just friends. building relationships is about finding things you like about each other! you keep focusing on reasons to hate each other.

So far, Ive noticed theres lots of people who like AJ for his Age, race, Job, physical appearance. Not to mention all the people who find AJ entertaining and funny


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

so if theres no more arguements about that,
lets go over what happened yesterday. I went to salsa class and did very well, anxiety was down quite a bit. After the class there was the belief that people are cold for some reason even though there was no evidence for this. a rant was done in the frustration forum and that was the end of that.

so things are getting better

Today I had coffee with some old friends. Now in the past i could not hang out with these friends at all without getting upset and feeling excluded. Today was a fun pleasant experience. This is most interesting result.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, now Ive come up with a principle that should end any further depression, lower anxiety to a minimum and cause AJ to consistantly go after the goal with unlimited motivation without being discouraged, which should guarentee success eventually. I would like to fully incorporate this principle as a habit. This new principle is:

"It is ok to suck as long as you try"

and it will be replacing:

"You must be good or do not try"

Its basically what rocky is saying when he says "Its not about how hard you can hit, its about how hard you can get hit and still keep moving forward"
Reference- 




some examples of basing success on how hard you can hit:
"Im not going to talk to her cause Im bad at talking and will say something dumb"
"Im not going to dance cause I suck at dancing"
"Im not going out cause I cant enjoy it"

the same examples with basing success on how hard you can get hit and still keep moving forward:
"Im just gona go talk to her and it may go bad, it may go good, it dont matter as long as I try"
"Im gona give dancing a try, i may suck, i may do good, but it'll be awesome that i actually try it out"
"If I go out and attempt to have fun, then that calls for a celebration"

The definition of success will now be effort, not outcome. And ironically, threw consistant trying without giving up, we will become good at it!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

now, applying this principle seems to be the difficult part. Ive known this advice for years. Ive received and come up with many useful pieces of advice, but making them habit has been difficult.
For a belief change, using the following procedure has been effective in this very thread:

*1) I come up with a small goal and action plan that is to move us toward the main goal.*
*2) yin expresses all resistance to change without holding back(limiting belief)*
*3) I find the logical fallicies in these beliefs (cbt)*
*4) We repeat 2 & 3 until yin is fully convinced the beliefs arent productive toward achieving the goal*
*5) yang comes up with a goal-oriented alternative (productive belief)*
*6) Action is taken toward the small goal (small do-able step)*
*7) The resistance is felt once again during and after the action and we repeat the entire process*

the consistant repetition of this cycle slowly but surely creates the full change in belief and the productive belief becomes a habit.

Lets got threw a few examples from this thread to ensure this method is fully understood:

Lets go over what happened a few days ago with the dating site plentyoffish :

1) I decide AJ will message someone on POF (post 78 )
2) yin expresses limiting beliefs that AJ will be rejected for sure (post 79)
3) I expose the logical fallicies of those beliefs (post 80)
4) repeat

2) yin expresses limiting beliefs that AJ will be rejected for sure, again (post 81)
3) skipped

5) yang brings up a productive belief of those who like AJ (post 82)
2) yin brings up another negative belief on how talking is boring (post 83)
5) yang brings up more productive thinking by focusing on the reasons to try (post 84)
6) Action is taken a message is sent (post 86)
7) the resistance is felt again and we repeat the cycle

1) skipped
2) yin brings up things which could be persecuted against(post 87)
3) I find the logical fallicy (post 90)
4) skipped
5) yang brings up good things (post 91)

so the process needs some fine tuning, many of the steps were skipped, which may explain why AJ hasnt responded to the girl(who did respond back) yet nor has he attempted any more messages on POF. The negative belief was not fully dealt with, so it lingers in the mind. A new small goal such as "message someone else" or "respond to the girl who messaged" was never made.

ok, we've run out of time, its bedtime. This isnt over yet, we shall continue later.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, so lets do this for the belief "effort is more important than outcome"

1) I will send this message to random person on POF "Hi, Im a jerk, nice to meet you "

before doing this for real, we will first run a simulation of this in the imagination and we will imagine she responds negatively. By step 2, yin will describe any negativity felt toward this.

Begin simulation.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> 1) I will send this message to random person on POF "Hi, Im a jerk, nice to meet you "
> 
> before doing this for real, we will first run a simulation of this in the imagination and by step 2, yin will describe any negativity toward this action.
> 
> Begin simulation.











ok, this is annoying her. she's an ***! she thinks i just wanna do her. she hates me. I sound stupid.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, this is annoying her. she's an ***! she thinks i just wanna do her. she hates me. I sound stupid.











3) In the simulation she responds negatively, thats all we know, everything else you say is mind reading and not known to be true.

What do you think about her negative response? does this feel like a failure?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah, I feel inadequate, worthless


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

3) but the effort was made, so this would be a success, correct?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> 3) but the effort was made, so this would be a success, correct?











true..


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

awesome effort! thats what counts! forget the one fish, learn to fish!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, step 6, time to take action. Lets do this for real now and see if the effort is viewed as a success, or will yin demand a good outcome?

make it so, send the message.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, it is done! I felt alot of anxiety at first, but after i did it I dont feel anything negative. it feels like a success, excellent!

so if theres no resistance from yin on this, we can move on to the next goal.
So ive noticed Ive recieved 2 more messages from people i didnt even message, which is rather strange cause i never get any messages without being the one to make the first move.

so the next goal shall be to respond to them


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> so the next goal shall be to respond to them











I dont want to, its scary


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

what are you afraid of?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> what are you afraid of?











They may reject AJ as they get to know him


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> They may reject AJ as they get to know him











yes, they may, but success is based on effort not outcome, right?


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

true...


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

hey, messaging people on POF is pretty fun. AJ could have alot of fun times with these people


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, i just responded to all 3 of them.
Im feeling a bit worked up anxiety-wise

yin, describe exactly what the fear is here


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I feel like i have no control over the situation. like they could tell me to do anything or tell me anything about myself and Id have to go along with it. I dont want to upset them


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

but we dont have to do anything we dont want to. if they get upset, thats there own problem. AJ is as free as they are to his own choices.
We will consider what they say about AJ, but we know AJ best and our opinions are therefore most valid


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I just dont want to make a mistake and scared someone away who wouldve been a perfect match


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

if they're a perfect match they wont run away. Rejection is irrelevant. The amounted of people to choose from is too large to get afraid of losing one person. Effort is the only thing required for success.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

it doesnt seem so bad when you put it that way


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

why so serious?
this is just about having fun ! all these girls on this site seem to like AJ alot. AJ is good looking, funny, fun, easy going, intelligent, and caring.
no wonder they like AJ 

they seem pretty cool too. they're very complimentary and easy going. they seem to have quite a fun sense of humor and arent too serious


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

aaah, what the heck, all these attractive girls are messaging me and wanna go out. maybe this was a bad idea! I dont want to go out. what a pain that would be! once they see how i am like in person, it'll be like sitting there waiting for the rejection. screw that!

and what if I dont like them? then i have to reject them. i dont wanna do deal with an upset person


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

_AJ_ said:


> aaah, what the heck, all these attractive girls are messaging me and wanna go out. maybe this was a bad idea! I dont want to go out. what a pain that would be! once they see how i am like in person, it'll be like sitting there waiting for the rejection. screw that!











alright, so there seems to be a constant looking for reasons not to try. a contant looking for ways going out with these people would be painful.

no wonder I never go out.

I need to switch this around.

also the belief of "effort is more important than outcome" seems to be difficult to hold. the fear of the rejection is overwhelming me.

I think the belief of "effort over outcome" and the belief of "fun times can happen" need to be combined here.


> and what if I dont like them? then i have to reject them. i dont wanna deal with an upset person


so a belief that "rejecting people is ok" has to be installed as well.

also, i wanna install the belief that "people are all like family" as opposed to "people are hostile outsiders"

all these beliefs will need alot of repetition+action if they're going to hold. We'll know that they are being effective when AJ is consistantly going out with people.
so we have our work cut out for us!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, im just going to stick with the "effort over outcome" belief for now. Im overloading myself here, i need to take this one step at a time. Its good that I made the previous post though, so i have some ideas recorded for future good beliefs, but one at a time.

"effort over outcome" is whats going to make me take action, so thats whats most important now. eventually when I'm dealing with alot of people I can start forming the other beliefs and practice them on those people right there.

its amazing how hard it is to believe that making an effort is more important than getting results. But a man who goes out on the seas and tries to learn to fish and fails and fails and fails and keeps learning what doesnt work and one day succeeds will do so much better in life than a man who is just given a fish.

I need to get myself to really see that. 
Im going to continue the online messaging for awhile, and then on thursday Im going to take this to the streets and go to a bar.

The only thing necessary for success will be to step in that bar.


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

I liked the last two pages. Constant effort + fully accepting that there will always be a degree of possible rejection/failure.

If you are interested in side comments:
It seems, that your biggest fear is being evaluated negatively even slightly. You seem to be a perfectionist in this area. 

People, usually, don't label you as just BAD or GOOD. There are different aspects of personality that are ranked. You may score 4/10 at humor, but 8/10 at intellect and 10/10 at attentiveness. And of course, people need time to complete the ranking. Early reaction is irrelevant.

This is how I understand it.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

This is great. Keep it up :yes


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

It feels like everyone is just pushing me away from progressing. like they're all making it as difficult as possible!!

a little bit of support, thats all i need!! but instead they fight against me with all their might, as if me being their friend is such a horrible thing.

Im not crazy!! this is for real, not just some limiting belief. so dont give me any of that crap!


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## Got2GetGoing (Dec 10, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> It feels like everyone is just pushing me away from progressing. like they're all making it as difficult as possible!!
> 
> a little bit of support, thats all i need!! but instead they fight against me with all their might, as if me being their friend is such a horrible thing.
> 
> ...


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

Negativity, you can't win!


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

dang your persistence is so inspirational. wish you the best of luck, buddy.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Thanks everyone

My computer has died and im at a cyber cafe right now

Ive decided im not gona get my comp fixed or buy a new one for awhile, as this is a perfect opportunity to try out my plan to ditch the tv and comp and bore myself into a kick *** social life.

so im going to continue this cbt on my own for awhile In my head. this thread has been so good, cause I felt supported by you all which made it more fun to try this. I would never been able to do cbt on my own before, by writing on a paper or thinking it, this forum made it happen.

These days I feel irrational negativity and I just automatically start questioning it, since Ive been doing that so much in this thread. So its going good, cbt has become an automatic habit!

I just wanna thank everyone for their help.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

You inspire people, and people may inspire you back and others. You have yourself to thank for too


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