# Anyone refuse/dont attend office parties or social events?



## Liability

Wondering if people do this and if so how is your work life? is it so frowned upon that it can hurt your career?
I'm nice and polite to everyone at my work but there are social event every week and its too draining to attend all of them


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## novalax

i deffinetly avoid all extra social contact, which is hard for me because im a bit like canio in Pagliacci, on the outside im smiling and rather social, but on the inside im scared, nervous, and extremely depressed.


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## JamesM2

I avoid work-wide events because of my low self esteem, depression etc and also because I have no interest in making small talk with most people. Also I don't really share the fascination with alcohol that everyone else seems to have. 

Occasionally the team I work in will have some sort of social event - I try to go to those as I feel a bit more of an obligation since it's more noticeable if I'm not there, plus since it's mostly just people I work closely with I am more comfortable with those types of gatherings.


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## asiyaajami

At my last job, the company was focused on a closed-knit, family-like work environment. I rarely attended social events, because after working 80 hours a week, you get sick of those people real quick and I didn't get along with them. Also, I don't drink, and religiously, I can't go into bars. So, long story short, I was fired because I "didn't fit in." How bull is that? Those events are crucial for career movement, but they are the most boring, dull activities I've ever attended. That's the corporate world for ya.


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## Liability

> At my last job, the company was focused on a closed-knit, family-like work environment. I rarely attended social events, because after working 80 hours a week, you get sick of those people real quick and I didn't get along with them. Also, I don't drink, and religiously, I can't go into bars. So, long story short, I was fired because I "didn't fit in." How bull is that? Those events are crucial for career movement, but they are the most boring, dull activities I've ever attended. That's the corporate world for ya.


I am heading this direction....I think this will be me in 2-3 months


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## H8PPLNDGS

I have always attended and yeah it gets stale fast. Though my recent ex hasn't at all but has usually reasons/excuses not to attend e.g. for a x-mas party or holiday ones he has to visit relatives that time of year, or planned a vacation around that time, doctor's appointment. He most likely still works there or moved on to a much better job. He is sooo right that they are draining and a waste of time. I just go because of habit and do notice that not everyone does come all the time as they have "prior commitments" - even the supposed "social ones." Some that do fit in either don't mind or just pick and choose which events they mind the least in attending for whatever reason.


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## tim78

My workplace is very close knit, and i get along with everybody. There is a party almost every week at work. I usually get invited, but i don't usually hand out with people outside of work. It just seems pointless to me. I like my coworkers, but the idea that were all going to become best friends is silly. I think that we have work place friends and outside friends, but coworkers really arent friends so fighting anxiety just to go to a party doesn't mreally seem worth it.


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## the collector

NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At my last job eveytime there was a social event ; 4th July picnic, employee appreciation movie night out,softball game, etc I didn't
go. I don't FN fit in with people in general.I avoid just about all social gatherings if I can.Even ones involving family.


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## sapphire blue

Social events at our place translates into 'getting pissed cause someone lived another year'. I'm not a drinker and I find I'm the most uncomfortable in drinking environments, I wish work activities were actual activities. I luckily live quite a bit away that I need my car to get home and taxi drives are way too expensive for the distance, that I can usually make that an excuse. Although, now they're suggesting I stay in a hotel (that they don't mind paying for) so I can stay out drinking with them. That's not going to happen though, if they went for just a meal I might be able to get myself to go, and if it was an actual outdoor activity I would definitely.


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## EternallyRestless

A lot of the people I work with do things outside work, but I don't get invited because they function on a high school level and I'm not part of the "in crowd."


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## Chrissybear93

I go, but every time I wish I didn't. I'm not a big drinker at all (I might have 1 or 2) but they all get pissed. Drunk people freak me out, even more so when I feel I can't act myself because it is a work function. I think I go because I feel like I'm obliged too :/


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## Jesuszilla

I do not interact with anyone once I clock out of work. I distance myself as much as possible from co-workers.


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## brettfavre4life

I work in a small office of 15 people and avoid every office party or gathering. I have no interest in interacting with my coworkers about anything other than work. Right now they are trying to get the "Secret Santa" thing organized and the same awful coworker has asked me about 50 times if I'm doing it and I keep telling her no - she's trying to guilt me into participating. Unfortunately for her, my desire to not participate vastly outweighs her desire to try and convince me.


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## JamesM2

brettfavre4life said:


> I work in a small office of 15 people and avoid every office party or gathering. I have no interest in interacting with my coworkers about anything other than work. Right now they are trying to get the "Secret Santa" thing organized and the same awful coworker has asked me about 50 times if I'm doing it and I keep telling her no - she's trying to guilt me into participating. Unfortunately for her, my desire to not participate vastly outweighs her desire to try and convince me.


 Fair enough. I've done the Secret Santa thing for the last couple of years but doubt I'll bother this year. Last year all I could do was worry about how lame my gift was and that the guy I had bought for would find out who bought it - I couldn't even be near him when he opened it in case he said something about how stupid it was. I also hate the thought of someone drawing my name out and having to go to the trouble of buying me something, even if it's only for $5.


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## Nite Owl

When I was younger and my first ever invite to a works night out came up, I coldly said '' No '' 

I was made to be the bad guy from the get go, but what always made me laugh was that on the eve of their night out, over half the people would drop out with excuses ranging from sore heads, sudden dental appointments to their goldfish not feeling well. Although unlike me, they couldn't be honest with them from the start and decline the offer, and given a pass, whereas I was seen as the anti social one. 

This would happen every year without fail and from there, I decided I was going to stick to my guns and leave them to it. 

As a friend of mine says, '' You only spend time with them at work because you are being paid to be there, so it doesn't mean you're best pals '' 

I find that the people I work with spend too much time posturing and politicking and turn out to be pretty boring when you scratch away their superficiality.


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## Minerve

I went to my job xmas party 2 years ago... it was ok, but it was extremely awkward when it came to dinner... I had nothing to say to my coworkers. 

I have nothing in common with those people, most of them are nice but what would I tell them? I always feel like an alien when I explain stuff I'm interested in (history, movies I like, etc) anyway.

The only fun I had was when it came to dance, it was fun, nothing crazy (people weren't super drunk or anything). I like dancing, no need to talk about freaking boring crap. :boogie

I didn't go to last year, not sure I will go this year... Anyway since I'm a student this is just a part-time job, so I feel it is ''less of a deal'' if I don't go.


But yeah, those work-related social obligations are the worst... It's like, ''Don't I already give enough of my time to work? Sheesh''.


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## Seekrit

Write this down... When it comes to work, the most important thing, even more important that actually being good at your job is being well versed socially. If you know how to hang out and be the "good time guy" you will be on the road to the corner office.


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## rgrwng

i try not to, but the free food sometimes overrides that feeling sometimes.

i usually try to not go because all they talk about is work. i would like to go to one where they talk more sports (even though i don't like sports) or talk about other things. but the people at these things only see each other at work, so i have to be okay with that.

especially with management - they show up, and spend the least amount of time there. i recently went to one because my supervisor was leaving. upper management showed up 2 hours in, and stayed for 15 minutes. did not even notice their presence until gift time. i try to stay the length of the event, myself.


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## TheSoundofHerWings

First starting out I was invited to grab a bite after late shifts at work but always refused. Just couldn't connect with them, some of them seemed nice but most of them were still stuck in high school.


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## ToughUnderdog

It's good to hear some of your opinions of what it's like in an office full time. I've worked in one part-time, and could barely stand that. It's high school all over again! Too many of these little social cues just to get ahead in a career. Glad I'm staying out of the office environment!


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## asittingducky

I strongly believe in leading a compartmentalized social life. Keep my work, family, and friends completely seperate and make sure none of them know anything about the other. That gives me the ability to have damage control (much like a sinking oil tanker) so I don't freak out.
The thing about work is, you compete with these people, put up with their annoying work habits, and listen to office politics all day long. Ultimately, your conversations with these people are usually nothing more than work-related and sprinkled in with some mandatory small talk. And besides, at a social event there's always the possibility that if you get too sociable/goofy and pal around like you would with friends it will end up making you look bad. No, letting your guard down around colleagues is the worst thing you can do.



Seekrit said:


> Write this down... When it comes to work, the most important thing, even more important that actually being good at your job is being well versed socially. If you know how to hang out and be the "good time guy" you will be on the road to the corner office.


Sigh...I REALLY wish there wasn't some truth to this.. It's great if you're a superficial or extroverted type person, but not for a misanthropic SA'er.


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## villadb

I started off trying to avoid them but now I enjoy them for the most part. I've even made a proper best friend since doing it and we go cycling a lot, which has helped my mood. A small group of us have started going for a Chinese every payday which also helps my SA. I really don't know what I would do without these people, I dread the day they leave for better jobs.


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## shypoet90

I have the misfortune of working in a small, "family-like" work environment and I don't bother to engage my coworkers socially beyond the forced "hello" or response to a work-related inquiry. They make me feel uncomfortable in the worst way.They have gossiped about me so badly that it is very difficult to get up any human emotion beyond contempt, disdain, and a desire to move on that has not been acted upon only because of the horrible economy. They definitely are the high school crowd, and it has become obvious working with them for nearly six months that no amount of advanced degrees can remove immaturity from a person's being. They also gossip about the people we serve, who have substance abuse/behavioral problems, all while hypocritically carrying on under the guise of being a "Christian" organization. Beyond the meetings that I'm forced to attend, when they gather to do anything voluntary, I have moved as far away as I can.


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## Melodies0fLife

There are always lots of potluck parties at my office. I attend mostly for the food. :lol good food outweighs fear of embarrassment IMO..... Well, sometimes.... I have this holiday dinner party thing in December and the co workers I usually hang out with decided last minute that they weren't going so now, it's too late for me to back out because I already turned in the money for the food... Which means I will be dining with the (much) older men and women co workers that I rarely talk to. Oh this is gonna be awkward. I don't like to drink and can't really handle alcohol but in this situation, I think I will take a sip of wine and see how it goes.


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## asittingducky

shypoet90 said:


> [...]They also gossip about the people we serve, who have substance abuse/behavioral problems, all while hypocritically carrying on under the guise of being a "Christian" organization.


While I definitely think Christianity is often a convenient excuse to be a judgmental hypocrite, I also must admit that I wouldn't exactly be happy about getting bossed around by somebody with substance abuse problems. Still, I totally agree that immature behavior such as badmouthing is a totally inept and counterproductive way of dealing with others and their problems. It doesn't usually make the person gossiping look too good either.


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## lostfromreality731

I got asked if I was going to the work xmas party and I had no shame in saying I wasnt. 

Honestly I dont care about social events anymore


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## shypoet90

whiterabbit said:


> I decline every invitation. I've never allowed myself to feel any pressure to be sociable when it comes to these things, but then I sincerely don't care if I alienate people.


I love you!


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## keithjm

I hate office parties, dinners, social events. When I go, I am the only one who has no one to talk to and I look like a loser while everyone else is having fun and talking to others. I walk around like I have a force field around me so everyone moves away. When someone does say something to me (a new hire for instance), it may be for 1 minute and then they move away to find the better people. I have been to social events where I would be the only person at a table while other tables were over crowded. Once in a school cafeteria in college, I arrived early and took the largest table with the chairs. Little by little people asked if they could take the chair, not asking if they could sit in the big table. Within an hour, every chair had been taken and all the little tables were full of people with extra chairs while I was by myself with the biggest table in the whole cafeteria. Once at work, they gave us free lunch passes to a nice new restaurant. Problem was that the restaurant needed groups of 2-4. No tables for one. In a matter of minutes, everyone had their groups of 2-4. My boss, noticing that I would not be able to go because there were no tables for one, bailed on his group and asked that I go with him. It gets too tiring pretending to be surfing on your I-phone to avoid looking like a total loser.


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