# Men These Days - So Glad I Am Single!



## MissChocolateMilkshake (Jul 25, 2004)

A couple of weeks ago, this guy came up to me in a grocery store. He worked for the Pepsi company, he was their putting the pepsi products on the shelves. Anyway, he came up to me and asked for my phone number. I gave it too him and he called me the following night. Anyway, he said he wanted to take me to a hotel. I was like I am not that kind of girl and I basically ended the telephone conversation. He called me back a few minutes later, but I didnt answer the phone. He either had a girlfriend or he just wanted sex. Probaby was the both of them IMO. Some Men can be such jerks these days. No Wonder I would rather stay single.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Maybe you should not be so liberal about giving out your phone number. I don't really understand why this incident would make you feel glad to be single. Not all men are like this. I don't think you will find a good man by giving your phone number out to any stranger who asks.

If a man has never seen you before and he asks for your phone number then it should be pretty obvious what he wants. Or even if he's seen you before but never talked to you then you should be suspicious.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Woody said:


> Maybe you should not be so liberal about giving out your phone number. I don't really understand why this incident would make you feel glad to be single. Not all men are like this. *I don't think you will find a good man by giving your phone number out to any stranger who asks.
> 
> If a man has never seen you before and he asks for your phone number then it should be pretty obvious what he wants. Or even if he's seen you before but never talked to you then you should be suspicious.*


I would disagree. I've approched only 2 girls in my entire life, and both of them I never spoke a single word to prior to that. With SA, going through that "getting to know you" phase before asking for a phone number, etc... it just isn't really an option for me. So, I have no choice but to get to the point. My motive wasn't to just have sex with them and nothing else. I was extremely attracted to them and was more interested in the possibility of a relationship.

I don't see any problem with her giving out her phone number in a situation like that. If she found him attractive enough, then why not? It sounds like it's worth the chance to me. Just because that guy turned out to be a douche bag, that doesn't mean every guy in the future that makes this same type of approach is going to be the same way.

You also have to consider the situation. Sometimes, people aren't in a position where you have much time to really talk to them. If you're out somewhere at store or wherever, and you spot someone working there that you find atttractive, you have to realize that they can't take 10 minutes out from work to stand there and talk to you. So if you're going to make a move on that person, then you have to make it fast and to the point.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Woody said:


> Maybe you should not be so liberal about giving out your phone number. I don't really understand why this incident would make you feel glad to be single. Not all men are like this. I don't think you will find a good man by giving your phone number out to any stranger who asks.
> 
> If a man has never seen you before and he asks for your phone number then it should be pretty obvious what he wants. Or even if he's seen you before but never talked to you then you should be suspicious.


Hey, Hey, Hey!!! Wait one second. That's about the only way a girl would end up with me because that first conversation is harder for me than the date itself. I consider myself a good guy (not all about sex, honest, faithful, down to do various activities).

Your second statement isn't always true as well. Everyone knows that people are attracted to other people through the eyes. There's nothing wrong with approaching a woman that is a stranger in hopes of getting her number so you can go out sometime and get to know her. But I guess it could be risky in dangerous for the woman. Who knows he could be abusive, serial killer etc. But that could be the case with any guy. He could talk smooth and then when alone turn into another person.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Futures said:


> Woody said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe you should not be so liberal about giving out your phone number. I don't really understand why this incident would make you feel glad to be single. Not all men are like this. *I don't think you will find a good man by giving your phone number out to any stranger who asks.
> ...


Nice to know I'm not alone.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Futures and scairy, I can understand your situation. I've had SA my entire life but I've never approached a girl out of the blue and asked her for her phone number. That would be a very hard thing for me to do because the odds of rejection are very high and I'm just not that type of person. Also, look at it from the girls point of view. The percentage of men in the general population that have SA or are shy is quite small. And out of that small percentage how many are going to have the courage to ask a girl for her phone number? A girl could go her entire life and never be asked for her phone number from one of "us". So when she is asked by a stranger it is only natural for her to be cautious and reject you. Now it is a different story if you have had some contact with her over a period of time. Such as being in the same class or workplace. Anyway I think you know what I'm talking about.

I really think you guys should try a different approach if you want to find a girlfriend.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

Woody, glad that worked for you, but if you just e-mailed a girl off the internet (who ended up becoming your gf), you're essentially approaching a stranger, just on a different medium.
I think that the rejection rate is actually higher in the online community due to all the emails that a girl gets, it's just that it is less personal because they can't see us.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Strength said:


> Woody, glad that worked for you, but if you just e-mailed a girl off the internet (who ended up becoming your gf), you're essentially approaching a stranger, just on a different medium.


Yes, that's true. But it's a lot easier and it's not likely to cause you to have an anxiety attack.


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## MissChocolateMilkshake (Jul 25, 2004)

I know thats what Most guys want is sex. This was my first time ever within the first night of calling me, a guy wanted to go to a hotel. I rarely give my number out to strangers unless I am attracted to them. But anyway, Usually when guys call me up that first time, they atleast ask to go on a date first. You know to the movies or out to eat. 
I just never experienced that from a Man that called me the first night, when I meet him that day.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Woody said:


> Futures and scairy, I can understand your situation. I've had SA my entire life but I've never approached a girl out of the blue and asked her for her phone number. That would be a very hard thing for me to do because the odds of rejection are very high and I'm just not that type of person. Also, look at it from the girls point of view. The percentage of men in the general population that have SA or are shy is quite small. And out of that small percentage how many are going to have the courage to ask a girl for her phone number? A girl could go her entire life and never be asked for her phone number from one of "us". So when she is asked by a stranger it is only natural for her to be cautious and reject you. Now it is a different story if you have had some contact with her over a period of time. Such as being in the same class or workplace. Anyway I think you know what I'm talking about.
> 
> I really think you guys should try a different approach if you want to find a girlfriend. I met my gf online and we emailed each other for 3 months before we even talked on the phone. But that's just what worked for me.


But you're not taking into account that this may be the only shot you have with this particular girl that is in front of you. And with my lack of social skills especially towards a complete stranger there isn't much else I can do. I'm going to be quick and to the point. If I'm going to go to a very structured environment like dating sites I might as well get totally structured and picky and just look for girls out of my area that are more likely to be compatible with me.

There isn't much different between everyday world and dating sites. The difference is the women are openly admitting they are seeking a relationship online. If I get signs from someone in public that aren't as obvious and pursue them I don't see that as being problematic.


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## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

Everytime a guy does something that hurts me like that and feels disrespectful or abusive I get angry at men. It's not because all men are like that, because in my experience very few really are, it's just the reaction to feeling that someone has chosen me as a victim and the outrage I feel at being seen that way. I don't get angry at women that way because I don't date women. Women do not get to accept or reject me in such a personal way. Guys probably see it the opposite way with women being the ones with more power to inflict pain.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

This sounds like me except it doesn't really happen to me in an abrasive way. Most of the guys I meet just find me good looking and want to do friends with benefits or whatever the hell they want. I doubt I'd ever find a guy that wants to actually DATE me. Argh. I know what you mean.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

deadrun said:


> This sounds like me except it doesn't really happen to me in an abrasive way. Most of the guys I meet just find me good looking and want to do friends with benefits or whatever the hell they want. I doubt I'd ever find a guy that wants to actually DATE me. Argh. I know what you mean.


Shows what society is coming to for someone to ask you about friends with relationships. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever revert back but I doubt it.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I guess he just was too blunt, and didn't know the dating ritual.


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## Moody99 (Dec 20, 2008)

I feel what you are saying everytime i go IM on other social/dating sites,i go private with a guy...and after or before we introduce ourselfs or share common interest,the guys i have ran across only want to talk about sex,they would ask do i have a webcam show my body parts, and i'm just pissed off...and just log off or i would say i'm not looking for no bootycall/onestand or cyber sex when i say that,they log off...but yeah i do want to run into a decent guy who i would be attracted too and he attracted to me,and we share hobbies and interest,and start a good friendship with,and maybe later serious relationship...it's hard these days...


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

Thats probably why a friend of mine never gave her # to the guys that hit on her while she was working at K-Mart.


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## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

Woody said:


> Futures and scairy, I can understand your situation. I've had SA my entire life but I've never approached a girl out of the blue and asked her for her phone number. That would be a very hard thing for me to do because the odds of rejection are very high and I'm just not that type of person


Let us say you have a 49:50 chance of being rejected. Those are better odds than the 100% chance of failure you'll most certainly have if you never approach the girl.

If its a once in a lifetime shot sort of thing, the humiliation of rejection is nothing compared to the regret you'll feel for never asking in the first place. Humiliation you'll get over, but regret lingers on much longer. Believe me, I know this.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

rejection is much better than regret


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

its ok to give numbers to strangers. dont be a stranger-hater


I freakin hate these stupid playas

they create this view of strangers as all being *******s. I got sa, I dont have many friends, I have to to search threw tons of women to find someone compatible, so theres a good chance ill be a stranger asking a girl out.

the real world isnt a big happy family where everyone knows everyone

i know some girls get harrassed on the phone by guys. I think they should just give out their emails or msn or something, if they're worried about that. then you can just block anyone whos an ***.


also, i dont appriciate being sorted into this bad group just cause im male.

so ya, no stranger-hating, no gender-hating. hold individuals responisble for their actions and thats it


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

There are good men out there. They don't act like what you described!


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

_AJ_ said:


> its ok to give numbers to strangers. dont be a stranger-hater


 :agree

The problem isn't with strangers at the grocery store (you can meet the same type of guy at a bar or a library or even through a friend). The problem is with males in general and that a lot of them are pigs - that's just the way it is.

There are diamonds in the rough out there and they can be found anywhere, even at the grocery store (EVERYONE has to shop there, not just the pigs).


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

I'm with Woody. If some stranger came up to me and immediately asked for my phone number, I'd think he was a weirdo at best or a violent psycho at worst. No way in hell I'm giving my number to a strange guy I've never even spoken to.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Non (Jan 27, 2009)

wow. so getting a number at first glance is ok?
I always thought it would make me look like a dog!

I would never do that, and just ask for a number, without having a convo first.

It is kind of honest though. You let the girl know you are interested in getting to know her. But it makes you look selective because you only ask for a girl's number who you think looks good, or "attractive". ie looks good. and that you dont have time right now to chat... or whatever.

maybe that's why I never meet anyone?


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## kiss (Jul 25, 2008)

I agree with Woody.



ShesKrayZ said:


> Everytime a guy does something that hurts me like that and feels disrespectful or abusive I get angry at men. It's not because all men are like that, because in my experience very few really are, *it's just the reaction to feeling that someone has chosen me as a victim and the outrage I feel at being seen that way*. I don't get angry at women that way because I don't date women. Women do not get to accept or reject me in such a personal way. Guys probably see it the opposite way with women being the ones with more power to inflict pain.


I feel the same way. Which is why I am cautious about giving out my phone number to random guys. If someone comes up to me out of the blue and asks for me phone number just like that, I think what he wants is very clear. The odds of him being a prick who only wants sex is rather high.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

It was a red flag when he didn't bother to start a convo but instead went straight to asking for your number. His decision was based on looks alone then. There are still good guys out there; they just need to be weeded out from the bad ones.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I find it sad that theres so many guys being pricks and make us good guys look bad too.
It would be rather hurtful if i were to ask out a girl and she were to assume I was a prick without giving me a chance.

still, hearing all you talk about your reasoning, makes me more sympathetic to your problem of having the difficulting of figuring out whos is being genuine. I guess knowing that will help me not take it so personally


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

viva la singledom


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## Liesmith (Nov 22, 2010)

It always raises my hackles to read the generalizations, but these forums are for venting...so I don't really know what my complaint is, really.

The guy approached the OP, asked for a number based on physical attraction, and she gave her number based on physical attraction. 

He called, wanted to skip to sex, and she hung up. He called back. She didn't answer. Maybe he was going to try being charming, maybe he was going to cuss her out, or maybe he was going to apologize and ask her if she'd instead like to go get coffee and just chat with no obligations for anything further. Hell, maybe he was a guy with SA who was just going waaaaaay overboard on faking confidence. Who knows? Neither of them got to know one another.

Admittedly I'm not exactly "easy on the eyes". Some might even describe me as "OH MY GOD WHY IS THAT SHAVED BEAR WEARING A T-SHIRT?!", so I can't really identify with having a stranger approach me and ask for my number. Also, I'm a guy, and there's still some archaic aspect to our society that means I'm supposed to be the aggressor. 

My point is that saying "most men this" or "most women that" is an inherently flawed and insulting train of thought. Heck, the OP even admitted that this has never happened to her before.

I don't know what I'm even arguing about...just ignore me...I'm kind of a douche.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

^Welcome to SAS =P (Funnily enough I was able to guess you were new before looking at your join date).


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## Rushes (Mar 31, 2009)

If a man asks for your number and then calls you up later for sex, you can either

a) Tell him to get lost
b) Go over and give him some loving
c) Say that you want to wait to get to know him better first

Either way a man hoping to get quick sex is not a negative thing. Don't act like women never do this. If you are not interested then just move on, no need to pretend he is a horrible person for acting on his urges. Get off your moral high horse.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Warning****
This thread was started in 2006!


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