# Anyone find that they just don't enjoy socializing that much?



## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

I've come to realize that anxiety may not actually be the sole reason that I avoid socializing. I think I also just don't enjoy it that much because sometimes I feel that I don't feel anxious, but I'm quiet because I'm not that interested in what people are saying. Does anyone else feel like this?

Other people seem to love just sitting down and talking all day, but I only like doing this for a while and then get bored. I feel that conversations are typically not very interesting. They don't have much depth, they don't make me think much, that often aren't that funny, they just feel a bit dull. And often even if they are funny, they still bore me. But other people seem to find them interesting.

I hope that this isn't just the way I am because I don't want to be like this forever. I think people that are talkative are more interesting and more charismatic and make friends much quicker. I feel that I find it hard to make friends because I don't enjoy socializing much and subsequently don't talk much.

Does anyone know any reasons for feeling like this other than just 'it's the way I am'? Here's things that I have thought of:


Maybe my upbringing (only child with parents that are reclusive, and did not have many friends at school) has made me used to being on my own and now don't find much pleasure with being with others because I'm not used to it? So perhaps lots of exposure would help.
Is it a side effect of mild anxiety? Maybe I am anxious but don't realize it because it's mild and it manifests in the form of being disinterested? I have to admit that one of my safety behaviors in the past was to make myself uninterested in what people were talking about as this made me less anxious as it took the pressure off me to say anything. Maybe years of doing this have caused me to find it hard to be interested in socializing.
I have ADHD.
Dysthymia/depression caused by having social anxiety for years could cause disinterest.


----------



## cricklewood (Jun 9, 2012)

Maybe, Maybe not. Apparently if I keep on trying to be social, I would become one. People keep telling what I should be and what to like, I don't know what I like or want. 

There are some days I feel like socialising and there are days I want to shut myself off.


----------



## Seaofnames (Jul 9, 2012)

I do the same thing. I find that most of my hobbies revolve around me being by myself. Running, guitar, photography, traveling. You can do all those activities with another person but I would rather do them by myself. Well, except traveling I would rather do that with somebody else. 

Sometimes you just don't feel like being social or like me you just don't feel like it most of the time. I feel as though I don't feel like socializing because I simply don't want to feel like I have to entertain someone else all the time. I don't always feel like trying to be funny or acting interested in things that I have no interest in. Saying that it makes you sound like you think that you are better than others but really I just like being by myself more than I like being around other people. 

Most would think that would be weird but what works for you works for you. Be social sometimes or sometimes don't.


----------



## blue the puppy (Jul 23, 2011)

i find most social interactions to be utterly exhausting and not very interesting. most of my hobbies are solitary ones. i do get anxious in social situations, but i think part of the reason i'm a 'loner' is just because i prefer it that way.


----------



## Cileroot (Mar 6, 2012)

I don't like socializing and although recently it has not been anxiety causing and in fact I have done many of the things I felt anxious of doing without having second thoughts.

But I think that even though I'm not overy afraid of socializing events, the SA has generally left the mark and I do not enjoy those things still.

Like you, I can't really show much genuine enthusiasm to people's talks. I fake it mostlyjust not to sound mean or unfriendly or so :/ And I don't have much to talk about, I don't get to the level of "deep topics" with anyone and I don't have many "light topics".

Though for some time it has not been able to make me feel bad at all. I go through my days minding my own business, (mostly) doing things I like and having a smile on me face


----------



## sparkplug74 (Feb 9, 2012)

For me, it's actually both anxiety and disinterest in socializing that's keeping me from being social. I got so used to being alone for so many years that I already find it more comforting than being around with people. Don't get me wrong, I still want to have a normal social life if someday my anxiety miraculously disappears or something. But being alone doesn't really bother me that much anymore because I already coped up with it pretty well.


----------



## MissNegative (Jul 13, 2012)

I want to be social, and when I do push myself, I want to go home and be in my own company! WILL I MAKE UP MY MIND?!


----------



## Mogmop (Jul 14, 2012)

I really used to love just talking with people for hours on end. I guess I still do, but the anxiety leaves me drained after a few hours and I want to go home and rejuvenate.

Of course, as soon as I get home, I get lonely and wish I hadn't made up that excuse for leaving early :S


----------



## Lesprit descalier (Jun 20, 2012)

Yes, I definitely feel that way too. I don't know why though... I really just don't enjoy doing anything much. I'm in college, and I'm working this summer. All I do all day at work (and school) is think of how bored I am and how much I hate it... and I have to feign engagement when someone's talking to me. I'd much rather be home watching tv or something... that's really all I do with my time. And honestly, I enjoy it. I get bored sometimes, but 'going out' or being around too many people just makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather not try anymore, because the times I used to I just hated it.


----------



## Jene (Jan 13, 2012)

I feel the same way a lot of the time too, and I think it's because most of us who have social anxiety also have the quality of being introverted, which basically just means losing energy from being social, rather than gaining it the way extroverts do. We get our energy from being alone. It can be kind of tricky, because we want so badly to be less anxious around people, and to be better at socializing, but really the only way to do that is to put ourselves in social situations. And that can be so tiring that it makes us want to give up.


----------



## NumeroUno (Oct 23, 2009)

Jene said:


> I feel the same way a lot of the time too, and I think it's because most of us who have social anxiety also have the quality of being introverted, which basically just means losing energy from being social, rather than gaining it the way extroverts do. We get our energy from being alone. It can be kind of tricky, because we want so badly to be less anxious around people, and to be better at socializing, but really the only way to do that is to put ourselves in social situations. And that can be so tiring that it makes us want to give up.


Truth.

I enjoy being around people sometimes - like I enjoyed going on vaction/holiday with my girlfriend, her friend and her friends boyfriend. It was pretty cool to go as a 4 rather than just the 2 of us - the drive was funner, the stress of packing and just the time in general.

But on a day to day basis I definitely prefer being alone. I just feel exhausted when I get home from work. The idea of coming home from work THEN being social is just a no go lol. It's like people at work who say ''i'm going out tonight'' like damn, I can't wait to get home and eat and sit on the computer for 6 hours...I genuinely look forward to it? Plus most of my hobbies are again introverted. Making music, gaming, reading - all solo stuff.


----------



## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

I'm a very independent and reclusive person, and I'd much rather be in bed at eight o'clock with a cuppa than be out on the town any day. I think some people are just this way.


----------



## NumeroUno (Oct 23, 2009)

lucyinthesky said:


> I'm a very independent and reclusive person, and I'd much rather be in bed at eight o'clock with a cuppa than be out on the town any day. I think some people are just this way.


Snap.

Although I hate drinking culture I don't mind ANYTHING else. Cinema/Meal or something..but if drinking is the only option then stick the kettle on!


----------



## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

NumeroUno said:


> Snap.
> 
> Although I hate drinking culture I don't mind ANYTHING else. Cinema/Meal or something..but if drinking is the only option then stick the kettle on!


Exactly. If I were invited to something that didn't involve drinking, I'd probably go depending on how I feel. People find it strange that I've never been clubbing as a uni student :b


----------



## NumeroUno (Oct 23, 2009)

lucyinthesky said:


> Exactly. If I were invited to something that didn't involve drinking, I'd probably go depending on how I feel. People find it strange that I've never been clubbing as a uni student :b


Well I'm 23 and i've been full on clubbing...twice. Hated it. Funnily enough I went both times with a uni crowd. I just don't ''get'' nights out. Much rather stay in. It's funny cuz the first time I went we went in this old ''traditional'' pub/bar to start and there was this girl in there just drinking a coffee and I was in love. Then you go clubbing and it's just...trashy people everywhere.


----------



## Charlize184 (Jul 17, 2012)

owiej said:


> I've come to realize that anxiety may not actually be the sole reason that I avoid socializing. I think I also just don't enjoy it that much because sometimes I feel that I don't feel anxious, but I'm quiet because I'm not that interested in what people are saying. Does anyone else feel like this?
> 
> Other people seem to love just sitting down and talking all day, but I only like doing this for a while and then get bored. I feel that conversations are typically not very interesting. They don't have much depth, they don't make me think much, that often aren't that funny, they just feel a bit dull. And often even if they are funny, they still bore me. But other people seem to find them interesting.
> 
> ...


I feel you. There have been many times where I have been quiet because I simply wanted to be quiet or I was not interested in speaking at the time really. Then, there have been times where everyone else around me had been speaking with one another, but I was sitting there quietly, feeling extremely uncomfortable because I was the only one who didn't have anyone to talk to. Now since I have been out of high school for quite a while, I don't really find myself in those types of situations anymore where everyone around me is talking besides myself. I am not forced to sit in classrooms while everyone speaks to one another. In college, you pretty much have the freedom to get up and walk out of the classroom whenever you feel like it. So things are better now for me in that sense.

Now, I more find myself just not really wanting to socialize with others at times, and I feel like it is more accepted, because normally I will not be the only one who is not socializing with others. I even sometimes find myself speaking with strangers sometimes, but never any really in-depth conversations, I am normally feeling uncomfortable, so I respond with short answers that will end the conversation as soon as possible.

I am 21 years old, and haven't made a new friend (in real life at least) in ages. Every time I meet new people, I am generally quiet, and more of the 'listener.' Normally, I don't come out of many social situations with any new contacts. It's weird though, because I am not really *complaining* about it. I feel at peace when I with myself. I am one of those people who enjoy being alone sometimes. I think it is important for people to learn how to be by themselves, happily. I am happy that I don't find myself so dependent upon others.

Anyway, yes OP, I completely understand what you mean!

I feel that it is normal to just not be interested in socializing sometimes. There is no law that says that you must constantly be searching out social interaction. If anything, I find a person who does not real the need to constantly be running their mouths much more likeable. The only time I really worry about the fact that I haven't made any new friends in the last few years is when I think about getting married and how I will not have nearly as many people there for me as my groom...

If it really bothers you that much though, I would suggest you force yourself into new social situations and see how you make out. Or force yourself into social interaction and maybe you become immersed in an awesome conversation with an awesome person....


----------



## pegger18636 (Aug 3, 2010)

I don't enjoy socializing at all anymore, because no matter what I do or think or try, I still feel the same way. This ****ing awkward monkey on my back making me feel crazy blanketing me from feeling or acting like my true self. I can push myself into social situations again now, do them and not avoid them like they will tell you to do bc avoidance will just make things worse, and with medication it's tolerable, but it is far far from enjoyable.

At the same time I crave and desire nothing more than to feel normal and be social and have friends and a girlfriend again. Some people are introverted yes and it's fine to enjoy and prefer doing things alone sometimes.

But to always be alone, hours and hours to pass going around and doing things by yourself and having no one to talk to and not say anything but be left alone to your thoughts, I can't convince myself I am happy this way.

The loneliness is killing me, before much longer I'm pretty sure it literally will.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I really don't want to be a social butterfly and get out there a lot. I think this is one place where my therapy went wrong. I'd be content with just one or two friends and the occasional outing, and nothing hardcore like partying or anything. I don't care to hold many conversations because most people aren't interested in the things I'm into (find somebody interested in my subjects of interest, though, and just try to shut me up). I'm largely uninterested in many other people's lives because we just don't have anything in common and I'm tired of putting in a lot of effort showing interest in people who won't do the same in return. Even "socializing" as in replying to a lengthy e-mail or several short e-mails in a row exhausts me for the rest of the day. I can only handle a little bit at a time before I wear out.

So, we all desire socializing in different amounts. Some of us want a lot, some want just a little, some want barely any at all or none. It's not necessarily abnormal unless you feel it is. If that's the case, you could look into such things as schizoid personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, or perhaps Asperger's for possible alternatives. You might just not want much socializing, though, which I understand, since even though I'm terribly lonely I really don't want to be all out there all the time, I think my head would implode. :stu


----------



## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

I feel the same way. I don't get much pleasure from socializing. It's perfectly normal. It's part of being introverted. Some of us were born to be more social like dogs and others (like many on here, I think) prefer to be in their own thoughts and more loners like cats. The only reason why some may feel uncomfortable with this is because the "dogs" tend to run/rule the planet, because they get a "high" from such stuff.


----------



## Shayd (Oct 19, 2010)

Kon said:


> Some of us were born to be more social like dogs and others (like many on here, I think) are prefer to be in their own thoughts and more loners like cats. The only reason why some may feel uncomfortable with this is because the "dogs" tend to run/rule the planet, because they get a "high" from such stuff.


Nice analogy


----------



## BoringBum (Jan 10, 2011)

Tough question, I've had this too. Now, I feel better about it; I'm a bit more outgoing and tend to enjoy social relationships rather than get bored by them. Here's a thought to ponder:

For the things which we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing: men become builders by building houses, and harpists by playing the harp. Similarly, we become just by the practice of just actions, self-controlled by exercising self-control, and courageous by performing acts of courage . . . [W]e must see to it that our activities are of a certain kind . . . Hence it is no small matter whether one habit or another is inculcated in us from early childhood;on the contrary, it makes a considerable difference, or rather, all the difference. -Aristotle


----------



## Bryan108 (Mar 1, 2012)

I've been thinking about this too myself. Like if I do get rid of the anxiety I'm still not sure if I will go out socializing and making friends simply because I don't find them very enjoyable :/ I wonder does it become more enjoyable as you do it more often and get better social skills? Or maybe I'm just not a very social person.


----------



## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Me too. There is some extent to which I'm just inhibited and so I don't enjoy it as much as I could if I were less inhibited. Maybe if I felt more free in social situations, I would find less satisfying the freedom of being alone so much. All of us want to express ourselves. I feel like I have to be alone for the most part to do that ... maybe that's unfortunate.

(Funny I should reply that way ... I'd be the first to wholeheartedly agree with you with a "THANK YOU!!!!!!" ...)


----------



## VisualAttraction (Jun 12, 2012)

I'm pretty sure I'm naturally introverted. Sometimes I dread talking to people not because of SA, but because I'm just too damn tired to. it can get pretty draining.


----------



## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

Bryan108 said:


> I wonder does it become more enjoyable as you do it more often and get better social skills?


This is something else that I think is very possible. People will often enjoy something more when they do it more. And obviously, everyone here probably hasn't socialized nearly as much as those non-SAD people which is a big reason why we find social situations anxiety provoking. At the same time though we don't really get to correct his by socializing more because our anxiety stops us from socializing even when we are in a social situation.

I used to HATE reading. I've read about 8 books in my life and I'm 25 soon. (This probably has something to do with my ADHD too which basically makes me bored if I'm not doing something active). But my girlfriend reads loads and has made me read more. After getting over the initial feeling of restlessness which always made me put the book down in the past, I now enjoy reading. I NEVER thought I would feel like this in my life but I look foreward to reading my book again now.

So perhaps socializing is something that, AFTER we get over our anxiety, then we can actually talk more in social situations and may subsequently actually start to enjoy them more


----------



## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

Yes, it's too mentally exhausting. Afterwards I just analyze everything I did wrong and end up hating myself more. 

When that passes I feel like a loser for not socializing and the cycle repeats.


----------



## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

One more thing that I just thought of is the possibility of negative conditioning.

I don't know if this is something that has been thought of already (probably given the amount of books on SAD) but perhaps the years of feeling anxious in social situations has conditioned our brain not to enjoy socializing.

Much like getting drunk too many times on the same beverage can make you not enjoy that drink anymore, or if you ate a certain food when you were really ill in the past you may no longer enjoy this food. Both of these things have happened to people I know so I know it is possible. It's just that the effect of anxiety on the enjoyment of socializing is obviously much longer term.

Again though, AFTER we manage to get rid of anxiety then we can become more talkative and perhaps this conditioning will be reversed?


----------



## Bryan108 (Mar 1, 2012)

owiej said:


> This is something else that I think is very possible. People will often enjoy something more when they do it more. And obviously, everyone here probably hasn't socialized nearly as much as those non-SAD people which is a big reason why we find social situations anxiety provoking. At the same time though we don't really get to correct his by socializing more because our anxiety stops us from socializing even when we are in a social situation.
> 
> I used to HATE reading. I've read about 8 books in my life and I'm 25 soon. (This probably has something to do with my ADHD too which basically makes me bored if I'm not doing something active). But my girlfriend reads loads and has made me read more. After getting over the initial feeling of restlessness which always made me put the book down in the past, I now enjoy reading. I NEVER thought I would feel like this in my life but I look foreward to reading my book again now.
> 
> So perhaps socializing is something that, AFTER we get over our anxiety, then we can actually talk more in social situations and may subsequently actually start to enjoy them more


Yea totally agree with this. Thinking over it again, I know that I do enjoy socializing with my best friend for example, and that is because I am not anxious and feel I can express myself openly.


----------



## Tu Cielo (Jun 5, 2011)

I think that's what prevents me from making friends, along with my anxiety. My friend from work/school invited me and my sister to the beach tomorrow and I'm dying to back out of it. Her family is going to be there and the idea of having to socialize with them makes me so uneasy. I keep thinking about all the things I could be doing at home instead. I already backed out of two social events recently, so I doubt I can do it again. I just don't like making the effort to hang out with people because I end up so drained at the end of the day.


----------



## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

I wonder if we feel drained after socialising not because we are 'introverts' but because the anxiety and the constant battle to try and ignore it is what drains our energy. After all, anxiety is essentially our thoughts going into overdrive which will obviously use up more energy that other people, and the mental effort of also trying to ingnore these thought and concentrate on the situation this will use up even more energy. Other people don't have this, they just think about what is happening around them and respond...much less mental effort needed.

I also wonder if perhaps 'introvert' is another word for somebody with social anxiety. Is there really anybody out there in the world who has never felt socially anxious yet still prefers to be on their own?


----------



## sure thing (Dec 7, 2012)

*Feeling less like a loser *

I have finally got to the place where I am accepting that I would rather be in on a Friday or Saturday night than be out - and telling myself, I am not a saddo - stupid how we let society dictate what is "normal" and put pressure on ourselves! Pathetic as it seems, I still struggle a little but much less than before with the feeling that I am missing out by not being out....and then if I go out, I hate it and wish I was home! The noise, the crowds, everyone pissed, making polite conversation UNTIL everyone is pissed. I know a lot of nice people who are kind of "friends" but I don't really enjoy their company. If I don't feel like going out with them at the weekend, then I don't. And instead I have great Friday nights in, gaming, on the internet, reading, listening to my tunes. I only really click with a few people and when I get calls from those people and we do something we all really want to do, then I respond and its good. :boogie


----------



## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

I'm not too keen on socializing all that much, either. Even though I enjoy interaction once in awhile, I'm still a huge introvert and I much rather prefer time to myself. Even as a child when I didn't have SA, I was still fairly introverted and would much rather stay with a small group than try and be outspoken like everyone else. 

I'm starting to feel confused if my anxiety is moderate, or if in reality I have mild anxiety and my introverted nature just makes me dislike some socializing. Hrm.


----------



## oreo7 (Jan 11, 2013)

Sometimes we are just meant to be forever alone. Like it or not.


----------



## missalice0306 (Sep 21, 2012)

I think that's one of the main differences between introverts and extroverts: extroverts gain energy from socializing while us introverts expend energy, and therefore feel extremely tired at the end of it all.


----------



## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

missalice0306 said:


> I think that's one of the main differences between introverts and extroverts: extroverts gain energy from socializing while us introverts expend energy, and therefore feel extremely tired at the end of it all.


That is true. However one need to make the effort in 2 cases: Job & relationship(s). Otherwise both will be huge problems to cope with. And heres the problem: If "socializing" wouldn´t be neccesary for these I would not think much about being a loner and introvert. However it isn´t so....:afr


----------



## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

I'm definitely an introvert - socialising drains me. I hate it and have no interest in it. For instance, occasionally on a Friday they will have after-work drinks at my office, where people will either stay at the office to drink and socialise, or go to the bar across the road. I can't personally understand why anyone would want to stay behind and just drink and talk with each other - as soon as the work stops I am out of there so fast, and after a long day of work surrounded by other people can't wait to just get home to be by myself, to make a coffee, browse the net, play games, watch TV or whatever.

It's not just because of the SA - I just don't particularly enjoy the company of most other people, and don't have much in common with many people to have any interesting conversations. The only time I came into contact with another living being yesterday (Saturday) was when I went outside and petted the neighbour's cat - and that's just how I like it


----------



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I don't enjoy socializing at all. I don't desire it in the least... I lost my first best friend simply because I hated hanging out and socializing. She eventually got tired of me backing out of invitations, and stopped talking with me. I didn't care at the time either because well.. I don't care for socializing. Nowadays I feel I'm even worse, so I really don't see myself having friends again in real life any time soon.


----------



## pondedward (Jan 8, 2013)

magicfuture said:


> yea but thats because I suck at socializing.


Me too, I am not good in socializing but I know we can learn to socialize little by little if we only try hard.


----------



## Twigster (Jan 9, 2013)

I just feel really awkward talking to people. I'm not sure what to say to keep the conversation going.


----------



## John The Great (Jul 23, 2012)

So I'm going to a club tonight with some friends and looking at the situation on paper I feel that I won't enjoy it (why would anyone?). However, I've got to at least try. What can I expect?


----------



## owiej (Mar 29, 2009)

If it's because of anxiety that you wont enjoy it (and since everyone here has anxiety in socialsituations then this must apply to everyone ) then it is imprtant to still go and force yourself to talk to people that you feel anxious talking to. It is exposure and is necesary to overcome SA. IMO, one you have one this enough and over time your anxiety is low enough, you will start to enjoy social situations.


----------



## John The Great (Jul 23, 2012)

owiej said:


> If it's because of anxiety that you wont enjoy it (and since everyone here has anxiety in socialsituations then this must apply to everyone ) then it is imprtant to still go and force yourself to talk to people that you feel anxious talking to. It is exposure and is necesary to overcome SA. IMO, one you have one this enough and over time your anxiety is low enough, you will start to enjoy social situations.


Got cancelled anyway lol.

Not sure how everyone else feels, but I used to always get the feeling that everyone's paying attention to me and judging me, when in reality I'm nothing to most people. Like if I start dancing everyone will stop and look at me, but in reality if I do dance badly no one's even going to care because they're too focused on their own thing.

If I was in a club and someone I didn't know was dancing badly, would I care? No.


----------



## DistantConnect (Apr 9, 2012)

Yes. I also feel that anxiety's not the only reason I don't socialize.


----------



## Relz (Oct 31, 2011)

I get tired of socializing; no matter how interesting someone is, after an hour of them speaking all I can think about is wanting to go home where I can be alone. I can't just sit and talk to someone for hours. I can't even listen to class lectures for an hour either-- I will inevitably tune them out after 10 minutes (or less) as I will with any one-sided conversation.

I think having an aversion to intense socialization is just part of being an introvert.


----------



## Ranz (Sep 12, 2013)

*I feel the same way*

I sort of feel the same way. Where Im from, connections are everything, having a good PR can make you or break you, so imagine the pressure to try and be as social, outgoing and "normal" as possible when most people simply bore you! I cannot bear the thought of ever being a social outcast, I have a clue what jt feels like as there have been times in my life when I have withdrawn myself a bit from the surrounding friends and the results arent generally good. So now i know for a fact that i MUST be social, in a way, in order to "survive". At the same time, it is boring to hear what people have to say a lot of the time. A lot of thr time, i cannot relate to most people or they cannot relate to me, so I end up talking about things that I know would be of their interests or just have shallow conversations and pretend things are funny when in reality, they arent very funny to me. I dont know if what i said makes any sense? Sometimes, the people that actually do interest me are few and I cannot hang out with these people too much because they would either be not too social themselves and thus would require me to exclude myself from friends and hang out with them alone or would have the disadvantage of not being too social. Bottom line, the people who "matter" in society and in life in general are often too boring for me and shallow whereas the people who i find fascinating cannot help me much in terms of socialization and PR (which i believe to be something of extreme value, at least it is this way where I live).


----------



## Ranz (Sep 12, 2013)

owiej said:


> I've come to realize that anxiety may not actually be the sole reason that I avoid socializing. I think I also just don't enjoy it that much because sometimes I feel that I don't feel anxious, but I'm quiet because I'm not that interested in what people are saying. Does anyone else feel like this?
> 
> Other people seem to love just sitting down and talking all day, but I only like doing this for a while and then get bored. I feel that conversations are typically not very interesting. They don't have much depth, they don't make me think much, that often aren't that funny, they just feel a bit dull. And often even if they are funny, they still bore me. But other people seem to find them interesting.
> 
> ...


I sort of feel the same way. Where Im from, connections are everything, having a good PR can make you or break you, so imagine the pressure to try and be as social, outgoing and "normal" as possible when most people simply bore you! I cannot bear the thought of ever being a social outcast, I have a clue what jt feels like as there have been times in my life when I have withdrawn myself a bit from the surrounding friends and the results arent generally good. So now i know for a fact that i MUST be social, in a way, in order to "survive". At the same time, it is boring to hear what people have to say a lot of the time. A lot of thr time, i cannot relate to most people or they cannot relate to me, so I end up talking about things that I know would be of their interests or just have shallow conversations and pretend things are funny when in reality, they arent very funny to me. I dont know if what i said makes any sense? Sometimes, the people that actually do interest me are few and I cannot hang out with these people too much because they would either be not too social themselves and thus would require me to exclude myself from friends and hang out with them alone or would have the disadvantage of not being too social. Bottom line, the people who "matter" in society and in life in general are often too boring for me and shallow whereas the people who i find fascinating cannot help me much in terms of socialization and PR (which i believe to be something of extreme value, at least it is this way where I live).


----------



## Ranz (Sep 12, 2013)

Seaofnames said:


> I do the same thing. I find that most of my hobbies revolve around me being by myself. Running, guitar, photography, traveling. You can do all those activities with another person but I would rather do them by myself. Well, except traveling I would rather do that with somebody else.
> 
> Sometimes you just don't feel like being social or like me you just don't feel like it most of the time. I feel as though I don't feel like socializing because I simply don't want to feel like I have to entertain someone else all the time. I don't always feel like trying to be funny or acting interested in things that I have no interest in. Saying that it makes you sound like you think that you are better than others but really I just like being by myself more than I like being around other people.
> 
> Most would think that would be weird but what works for you works for you. Be social sometimes or sometimes don't.


This is how i feel but i think that in a lot of situations, the way to get ahead in life and be able to reach success revolves around socialization and having the ability to "entertain" people or make them feel interesting or like you have things in common with them even if in reality you dont very much. Does anyone agree with this? For instance, I feel like people will open up and trust you more and like you more and be willing to help you out more when they believe that you have something in common with them or can relate to them in some way, so the way to gain people's trust in this sense would be to feign interest and try to understand how they think and act as if you have similarities and might be able to help them deal with their own situations or simply make them believe that you are fun to be around with because you think the same way they do.


----------



## IllmaticJJ (Dec 29, 2013)

blue the puppy said:


> i find most social interactions to be utterly exhausting and not very interesting. most of my hobbies are solitary ones. i do get anxious in social situations, but i think part of the reason i'm a 'loner' is just because i prefer it that way.


this. as long as you're happy, its ok. dont force yourself to be somebody else just to "fit in"


----------



## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

Yeah, I definitely don't crave socializing as much as most people, probably due to my extreme introversion. It's probably safe to say that I'm more introverted than 99% of the population.


----------



## SociallyAnxiousCoffee (Sep 8, 2012)

I've thought about this a lot lately. I hate being alone 24/7, but my problems with making connections are compounded by the SA, and the fact that I just don't enjoy socializing a lot of the time. I didn't start to realize this until recently, when I found myself avoiding social situations just because I didn't want to talk to people. 

I often feel like I can't relate to the vast majority of human beings, and the level of conversation they're capable of providing just isn't good enough for me. It's not fulfilling. I like deeper, more personal and intellectual conversations, and most people just aren't capable of that. My lived experiences are also very different from those around me; I feel like a gulf exists between me and most of the world. I just can't relate. And they can't relate to me either. So talking to them is often a chore.

There's a big social event going on tomorrow night that I'm beating myself up over for not wanting to go. Some 30 plus people will be there, and I know all I'll do is flounder around, hover, and not really talk to anybody. I don't see myself enjoying the experience. I don't socialize the way other people do. So I don't see myself gaining much from the event. It's frustrating when you want to meet people, just not MOST people 

I think I try to force myself to be social the way other people are. I feel like I have to be that way in order to make friends and have any kind of healthy, meaningful social life. So in regards to the event, I guess I feel like I'm trying to force myself to wear shoes that don't fit for me.


----------



## Kenan A (Dec 24, 2012)

In my experience, the reason why you find conversations exhausting and not interesting is because you are still hiding a lot of embarrassment and shame from others. What happens over time is that the more people judge and criticize you, the more embarrassing things you say and do that other people don't approve of, the more times you say something and get called an idiot for saying something, eventually you just give up and prefer to play it safe.

This conditioning makes you very passive when it comes to interactions because you subconsciously want to just play it safe. You are tired of being ridiculed for saying out of the ordinary things so you shut down and just say what needs to be said. Jokes are hard to think of because you are too nervous to think of one (even if you don't feel that anxious, 99% is subconscious) and the lack of entertainment in these conversations make them energy depleting.

To turn on your drive for socializing, you have to go back and reintegrate yourself with your traumas. You have to remember all the reasons why you shut yourself down and chose not to feel inspired around others and start to see that you never did anything wrong. Once you clear all the limitations in your mind through self love and acceptance, it will feel like everything about you is starting to open up.

Hope that helps


----------



## Oogieboogie (Aug 28, 2013)

owiej said:


> I've come to realize that anxiety may not actually be the sole reason that I avoid socializing. I think I also just don't enjoy it that much because sometimes I feel that I don't feel anxious, but I'm quiet because I'm not that interested in what people are saying. Does anyone else feel like this?
> 
> Other people seem to love just sitting down and talking all day, but I only like doing this for a while and then get bored. I feel that conversations are typically not very interesting. They don't have much depth, they don't make me think much, that often aren't that funny, they just feel a bit dull. And often even if they are funny, they still bore me. But other people seem to find them interesting.
> 
> ...


 Actually they recently showed in a study of ppl with sa, that ppl with sa do jot derive enjoyment out of social situations. Introverts like socializing, but only in small amts.


----------



## Oogieboogie (Aug 28, 2013)

Kenan A said:


> In my experience, the reason why you find conversations exhausting and not interesting is because you are still hiding a lot of embarrassment and shame from others. What happens over time is that the more people judge and criticize you, the more embarrassing things you say and do that other people don't approve of, the more times you say something and get called an idiot for saying something, eventually you just give up and prefer to play it safe.
> 
> This conditioning makes you very passive when it comes to interactions because you subconsciously want to just play it safe. You are tired of being ridiculed for saying out of the ordinary things so you shut down and just say what needs to be said. Jokes are hard to think of because you are too nervous to think of one (even if you don't feel that anxious, 99% is subconscious) and the lack of entertainment in these conversations make them energy depleting.
> 
> ...


What if you legitimately find other ppl a little boring to talk to? Don't say that internally I'm just anxious. Internally, I'm just bored and faking enthusiasm for their topic. When they talk about something interesting, i enjoy social interactions much more.

When you are acting, ppl can tell. But its the only thing i have for them. I don't / really / care about you latest drinking adventures, or your weekend plans, but you gotta play the game right?


----------



## harletta (Nov 4, 2012)

I don't really hate it, I'd kinda like to do it more but I don't really have anything to say usually. I see people on here make really long posts and I wonder how they think of all those things to say.


----------



## Kenan A (Dec 24, 2012)

Oogieboogie said:


> What if you legitimately find other ppl a little boring to talk to? Don't say that internally I'm just anxious. Internally, I'm just bored and faking enthusiasm for their topic. When they talk about something interesting, i enjoy social interactions much more.
> 
> When you are acting, ppl can tell. But its the only thing i have for them. I don't / really / care about you latest drinking adventures, or your weekend plans, but you gotta play the game right?


Well it depends on how you truly feel outside of social events. If outside of socializing you are inspired, energetic and feel a high sense of well-being, then it may just be introversion. If you find yourself constantly bored, unsure about what to do with your life, nervous around others or just kinda numb going through each day with no real highs or lows then I would say you've got some issues you need to reintegrate yourself with. At the same time this _is_ a Social Anxiety website, so I think it's fair to assume that people on here on part of the latter.

For me personally as well as many others, when you are really inspired about life and feel good, whenever you talk to people you just have this natural interest in them and want to know all about them. You don't necessarily feel annoyed about what they are talking about because you are spontaneous enough to liven it up with jokes and energy. Ultimately it's all your decision though and how it makes you feel.


----------



## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

I feel I need it occasionally, once a month or something to get it out my system. Any more than that and I find it tiresome, I don't actually get to socialize as much as once a month anyway unless you count typing online, its maybe every couple of months which I feel isnt quite enough..


----------



## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Yeah. Usually I find conversations pretty dull and I'm not the best actress lol


----------



## Mousey9 (Dec 27, 2012)

I certainly don't desire to socialize. I never found it to bring any sort of happiness or enjoyment for me. It exhausts me really. I only do it because I have to, it's expected from me but as time goes on, I find myself resisting to societies demands and generally not caring. 

Unfortunately, opting to not socialize isn't possible. It really wouldn't impose much of a problem if I didn't get an antsy unsettling feeling after going a week or two without socializing. Isolation will only generate more anxiety until I decide to go out and feel grounded again. That's the cycle i'm stuck in.


----------



## Caleb7 (May 13, 2013)

Another thing to take into account is that people with SAD often suffer anhedonia as well, which could affect your enjoyment of pretty much anything. 

Dopamine desensitization is a culprit. Ditching porn and supplementing inositol could help…


----------



## spike2001 (Feb 22, 2016)

I've never joined a forum before but for this subject matter i really needed to. Reading everyone's posts have made me feel better. I experience the same with not feeling like I want to socialise ... wanting to be on my own and feeling like I don't fit in or belong anywhere. I used to be such a sociable person and the pressure I put on myself to be that person again makes me feel sad. I think for me personally it's been due to many elements built up over the yrs and having to cope with loss and depression alone. I cut myself off from ppl and the only person I could rely on was myself. Now that I'm in a new relationship I feel pressured to fit in ... socialise and be this funny person. They r such a close family and it's totally alien to me. I feel anxious in there Comany and find myself being false just to fit in. I don't know if this is something I will over come in time. Maybe it's due to grief as my only true friend in this world my mum died of cancer 18 mnths ago. Has anyone else felt like this after loss.


----------



## odetoanoddity (Aug 5, 2015)

It depends. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it, sometimes I'm not. It can be quite tiring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SPARTANMST (Feb 10, 2016)

I find it exhausting, even when I'm having a good time I get tired very quickly. It's very hard for me to go out and socialize though, I haven't done anything like that in about 2 year. I've lost all my friends and when I did used to get asked to go out I would feel crippling nerves and apprehension about going out.

I've accepted now that I just don't enjoy going out and socialising, I get very tired and I prefer to do things alone. I get very sad sometimes but it's just who I am it seems.


----------



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

It's a lot of work and keeps me from getting the things done that I am trying to achieve. I think it is a balance, with mine not being as needed as most people, because I usually feel more depressed if I spend too much time alone.


----------

