# cancelling plans due to anxiety



## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

Anybody else here make plans with friends/acquaintances, then stress out over it the day/night before, and end up coming up with some excuse and cancelling? And then just sit on your butt and do nothing at home? I do this and it really annoys me. It makes me feel like a loser, but sometimes I can't stop myself from doing it. 

But, if I don't make plans in advance, then I never end up doing anything ever, b/c I just put it off, or don't want to ask people at the last minute who are actually busy (not like me).


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## sukanya (Mar 22, 2015)

Maybe the cancelling happens because of thinking a lot.. This can also happen if the person is not an "outgoing extrovert" who prefers a quite, time at the end of the day.


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## ShrimpSauce (Jan 12, 2012)

I have...do you truly want to go places with your friends?


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## smidly (Mar 16, 2015)

Yes I do this quite a lot.. I contemplated going out last weekend and I decided to go through with it because I haven't been out in so long. I ended up feeling really overwhelmed, like people were judging me because I wasn't talking a lot. It makes me even more anxious because I feel like they know I'm socially awkward and weird or something, and my fear of that makes me act even more weird. They invited me out again this weekend... but I think I'm probably going to cancel this time.


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## VeryLoco (Mar 23, 2014)

yeah and eventually everyone stop calling and inviting


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

FerretCrazy said:


> I have...do you truly want to go places with your friends?


Yeah, I do. I don't do this EVERY time. Just some days if I'm especially low or hopeless I feel like I'd rather not go than be a huge downer or pretend I'm okay when I'm not.

Or, in the case of acquaintances, I'll sometimes accept an invitation to do something even though I have reservations about it. I'm trying to push myself to be more social, so I think I should just do it instead of overthinking, but then when it gets closer to the time I get super nervous and cancel rather than making myself super uncomfortable or looking like an idiot/whatever. But then I just end up feeling disappointed in myself


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

smidly said:


> Yes I do this quite a lot.. I contemplated going out last weekend and I decided to go through with it because I haven't been out in so long. I ended up feeling really overwhelmed, like people were judging me because I wasn't talking a lot. It makes me even more anxious because I feel like they know I'm socially awkward and weird or something, and my fear of that makes me act even more weird. They invited me out again this weekend... but I think I'm probably going to cancel this time.


Yeah, I can relate to that. It's like this horrible balancing act. You know you need to practice being social just like any skill, but then the constant obsessing and going over everything that happened later or even while it's happening if you're uncomfortable can make it feel like it's totally counterproductive. And then there's the added neuroses of trying to maintain relationship(s) w whoever this whole process involves if they are of value to you.


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

sukanya said:


> Maybe the cancelling happens because of thinking a lot.. This can also happen if the person is not an "outgoing extrovert" who prefers a quite, time at the end of the day.


definitely overthinking. I'm not sure how to stop myself from doing this. But even if I don't do that, I'll panic during the travel time to wherever it is I'm going


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## sukanya (Mar 22, 2015)

*solution to over-thinking*

i used to over think a lot too, but fortunately once it it happened that, i came across this article on the net which said, you need to remind yourself that the event your going to be a part of is just a passing cloud, you are not going to be there* forever* so just chill and enjoy the moment, be humorous and take things lightly when you are out with your friends.. i mean when your with friends who care.


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## Stookified666 (Jan 6, 2015)

Ya it sucks!! I was invited to a lil dinner party last wednesday to celebrate an acquaintance's new job. I couldn't muster up the courage to go. I have socialized in the summer with her and her friends but Its winter I feel less motivated to go out. The worst part is that she wanted me to meet her friend. I felt a lot of pressure cause she talked to her friend about me and that she was looking for a good guy and that I was one. Idk if I will be invited again. But ya it is the worst ahhh damm


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## Spectre91 (Mar 26, 2015)

I used to do exactly that when I still hung around people. The people were never really friends though anyway.


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## Sabby09 (Apr 4, 2015)

Yes this has happened to me so many times I actaully managed to find the corsge to go out for a dinner with a few of my daughters friends mums a while back but I suffer so much from anxiety, the lady who organised the dinner put little notes in every kids draw but I never received one and overheard and totally panicked thinking I hasnt been invited and she said she had put one in for me but u never found one? But I oushed on with it as I new I was beings really paranoid and felt like cancelling as u have done so manybe times but I went and had a good time


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

I don't go through that, because if anybody tries to make any plans with me that involve going out, I immediately make up some excuse. I know I'm not going to have fun being outside, so I'm really just helping myself out in the long run.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

chompers said:


> Anybody else here make plans with friends/acquaintances, then stress out over it the day/night before, and end up coming up with some excuse and cancelling? And then just sit on your butt and do nothing at home? I do this and it really annoys me. It makes me feel like a loser, but sometimes I can't stop myself from doing it.
> 
> But, if I don't make plans in advance, then I never end up doing anything ever, b/c I just put it off, or don't want to ask people at the last minute who are actually busy (not like me).


Yes, sometimes I'm just not up to it!


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I never make plans. I don't mind going with the flow aka doing what others want to do but when they cancel, I'm not going to lie, I do feel relieved. I can call it a night in and make dinner for myself and have wine.


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## Brownlkirs (Sep 22, 2014)

I do this a lot when I'm not comfortable with the person/people. and if I get asked out on a date I'll avoid it for ages until I lose my chance. Sometimes it's like I forget I have SA and end up hanging out with a group of friends that I'm not all that close with, and there will be a moment where I realize I'm being really quiet and awkward, which will make me feel even more awkward. I also avoid being alone with certain people that I know I'll struggle to hold a conversation with. 
Oh and if I'm at a night club / bar and I'm too sober I feel extremely uncomfortable and have to lie and say I'm too tired/hungry/my feet are too sore and go home


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