# Relationship without sex?



## Mirana (May 11, 2011)

Hey everyone, just looking for some input.

Me and my gf have been together for about 9 months. We're really close, never argue, love each other blah blah

also shes 18 and im 20, both virgins. I'm afraid to bring it up to often cause she might think that's ALL I want. (at least that's what a friend told me would happen) and I don't want it to ruin things.

but not bringing it up at all seems to be making it just as bad. I am 100% positive the reason she doesn't want to is cause shes afraid it might change things between us for the worse, so what do I do about this? without coming on as the horny boy I am.

also subtly we brought it up tonight, she mentioned she "doesn't wanna think that far ahead" what the hell does that mean... I don't wanna wait damn YEARS or something.

cheating is easy, but I would just feel guilty & depressed about it. What do I do?


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## Escape Artist (Aug 23, 2011)

You've been together 9 months and she'd think you were only wanting sex if you decided to discuss it? How's that work?

You can bring it up. But you need to do so in a way that frames the fact that you want to be respectful of her. If she's not ready, you need to cut her loose or wait for her to be ready.


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## Mirana (May 11, 2011)

Bunnybee said:


> If she's not ready for it yet, then she just isn't. Either you deal with that, or find a new girlfriend.


If I said the right things, did the right things..etc I could make this happen.



Escape Artist said:


> You've been together 9 months and she'd think you were only wanting sex if you decided to discuss it? How's that work?


Maybe it sounded confusing. Well, she might think that's all I want from there-on out. I'm not in this relationship just to get action, but I really want it.


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## Escape Artist (Aug 23, 2011)

Mirana said:


> If I said the right things, did the right things..etc I could make this happen.
> 
> Maybe it sounded confusing. Well, she might think that's all I want from there-on out. I'm not in this relationship just to get action, but I really want it.


It's an eventuality that comes with being in a real relationship. She's being silly to think that's the only reason you'd want to be with her just from one discussion.


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## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

If you've been together that long and you are comfortable together, bringing it up shouldn't be a big deal at all. Just don't say "Hey, I want to **** you", I'd say try to bring it up at a time where the conversation can flow into it subtly again. You need to get on the same page though. If she doesn't want to, then she doesn't want to, end of story. Pushing it on her will only make it seem worse as well, like you only want that out of her.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

I think 9 months sounds like a lot for waiting... But what do I know :b

Just don't make her feel guilty for not doing it with you, it will just push her away from you. Be supportive.


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## gomenne (Oct 3, 2009)

Cheat.


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

Sounds like you love her enough so it's not a huge problem.

I'd say bring it up because I think in relationships you need communication. If that fails rinse the prince.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

handle yo bizness ask about a raise you see fit.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Well maybe she doesn't want to yet and it's alright to discuss it with her but don't pressure her and try to make her feel guilty because that'll push her away if she's not ready...And if that makes you unhappy then break it off with her and find someone else, but don't cheat because that's just wrong.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I would break up with her immediately. You shouldn't have to feel ashamed for wanting sex. Don't allow her to have that power over you.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

,


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

Mirana said:


> Hey everyone, just looking for some input.
> 
> Me and my gf have been together for about 9 months. We're really close, never argue, love each other blah blah
> 
> ...


The right answer is to either completely show her that you don't want it and are really uninterested in sex, or to start forcing it a little more to show her you have the balls. Girls are complicated but I am pretty sure it's one or the other.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

IcedOver said:


> I would break up with her immediately. You shouldn't have to feel ashamed for wanting sex. Don't allow her to have that power over you.


She has no power over him. If he feels ashamed it is himself who is making him feel that way not her! If she's not ready she's not ready what do you want her to do? It's not like she's feeling that way on purpose to make him feel bad. And I think it would be a big mistake to break up with someone over this.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Nine months is a long time. You sound like a saint. You need to talk to her about this. If she's not ready that's understandable, but you might need to move on. Just don't threaten to break up with her so she feels pressure to do it. It should be something she really wants to do if she's going to do it.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Bunnybee said:


> If she's not ready for it yet, then she just isn't. Either you deal with that, or find a new girlfriend.


This is pretty much what it boils down to.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

You'll have to talk about it at some point.

What happens when you're making out, you never get close to having sex? Maybe you should try to take things a little further next time you do and if she stops, ask her about it. You need to get a clear perspective of what she's thinking at least.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

She's a virgin. 'Nuff said.

She's gonna get nervous about it. Even if its been 9 months. She's obviously still uncomfortable with the idea of it. I'm a virgin & I'd be the same way. If you love her enough, then wait & keep your dick in your pants.

If its that big a deal for you - then break up with her. Patience is a big part of a sex life for one whose still a virgin.


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## RockBottomRiser (Jun 5, 2011)




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## foxy (Jul 3, 2010)

sex is the bond to love, if after 9 months she aint cool with you, then your with the wrong woman. :yes


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## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

Relationship? No sex? Does not compute. 

Without sex you might as was be just friends.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Don't force her into it, but let her know you want it. If she still isn't interested and you can't handle it, then it's time to let go because it'll only lead to frustration-fueled arguments. 
Plus, while it sounds romantic and sweet, I'd always advise a guy against losing his virginity to a fellow virgin, unless they were married(or were going to get married). Otherwise, you'll get to experience finding out how it feels to learn of the girl you lost your virginity together with, is now with another guy. Not fun...at all. Rather painful, actually.


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

How far HAVE you gone? Is it just vaginal penetration you haven't done, but you've done other things? Have you seen her naked? Have you made out?


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

I knew the exact same situation with a friend

They were together for a year and no sex. Then they broke up, and he found out she met some guy and slept with him only after the second week

She was ready all along, but he never made the moves. Its a mans job to make a move not her. Sex will only strengthen your relationship

P.S. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your needs satisfied if you are in a loving relationship


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

If you're not comfortable talking to her about that after 9 months, sounds like you're in the wrong relationship. Just break up with her. And if she suddenly decides she's ready for sex before/after the break-up, don't do anything. She's the wrong girl for you and you know it, so don't take advantage of her.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

Agreed.

You are not in a real relationship if you have to tip toe around the issue of sex. NOT SAYING YOU MUST HAVE SEX, but you have to be able to talk about it. You have to know her feelings and she has to know yours. Maybe she is waiting for true love, maybe she is waiting for marriage, maybe she just doesn't like sex in general, maybe she waiting for you to make the first move.

It doesn't matter you need know what her feelings about sex are so you can decide if you share those views, or at least live with them.

If you guys have been dating 9 months and you can't even talk to her about sex, you are not her boyfriend, you are just good friends.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

9 months and she's doesn't "want to think that far head". That is so ridiculous. If she's not ready now, then chances are she'll never be truly comfortable with the idea.

If I were you, I'd start being more vocal in your desire to do the deed. If that doesn't work, then look for a new GF.


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## nessersqt (Jul 21, 2010)

Sex can wait, MASTURBATE!


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

Isn't a relationship without physical intimacy just friendship? It's obvious you are not just it in for the sex and I might be in the minority here but I think it's selfish of her to expect you to wait indefinitely. Sex is an important part of a fulfilling relationship and without it I couldn't see myself being with someone for very long.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

sighsigh said:


> How far HAVE you gone? Is it just vaginal penetration you haven't done, but you've done other things? Have you seen her naked? Have you made out?


I second these questions.

She might not want to think that far ahead because she just wants to avoid talking about it.

You've been together for 9 months? The few dating things I've had, I get more adventurous as time goes on and ease into it. You don't nessecarily have to talk about it, just let the context do all the talking. Its not like 'surprise, now its time for sex'. Did you get up to a point and then never go past it? Why not? Does she stop you?


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

Whether or not she is ready to have sex, in no way should she get pissed at you for talking about it with her or thinking that is all you would want from her. You have been going out for 9 months, and at this point in your relationship, if she gets offended by you bringing the topic up, than she is the one with the problem and you should move on.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

The problem isn't so much the amount of sex but the fact you don't feel even comfortable discussing it with her. Sex is optional, communication isn't.

Be honest and tell her you've felt like cheating but you don't want to hurt her. She may decide to have sex rather than risk losing you.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

VanDamMan said:


> Be honest and tell her you've felt like cheating but you don't want to hurt her. She may decide to have sex rather than risk losing you.


I don't know if it would be wise to say this :|


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Zeeshan said:


> I knew the exact same situation with a friend
> 
> They were together for a year and no sex. Then they broke up, and he found out she met some guy and slept with him only after the second week
> 
> ...


Stories like this makes me want to be a hermit living alone for the rest of my life.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Classy.
> 
> Pressure her into sex by saying you'll cheat/leave her if she doesn't sleep with you. That's a great way to ensure nothing goes wrong with the relationship. (note the sarcasm, please)


Its not pressure if he is honest about leaving.

Sex is a normal part of a relationship for most people.

Its not unreasonable to expect a sexual relationship with someone after dating almost a year.


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## Snow Bunny (Jan 28, 2009)

I agree oldschoolskater.

I still find the idea of sex sort of icky, and I'm 21. I've never even /tried/ to find myself a relationship despite how much the idea of it (except sex of course) because I fear I'll be in the same position as this girl. I'll be 9 months in, emotionally attached, still not ready for sex and he'll turn around and go 'sex or gtfo' and then I feel guilty for 'leading him on'.
Maybe I'll just be asexual.


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Snow Bunny said:


> I agree oldschoolskater.
> 
> I still find the idea of sex sort of icky, and I'm 21. I've never even /tried/ to find myself a relationship despite how much the idea of it (except sex of course) because I fear I'll be in the same position as this girl. I'll be 9 months in, emotionally attached, still not ready for sex and he'll turn around and go 'sex or gtfo' and then I feel guilty for 'leading him on'.
> Maybe I'll just be asexual.


I used to think that, and then I initiated it after three months. Oops.


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Mirana said:


> Hey everyone, just looking for some input.
> 
> Me and my gf have been together for about 9 months. We're really close, never argue, love each other blah blah
> 
> ...


 Atleast you have a GF that loves you. I don't have anyone and I feel so lonely and depressed.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I could dig it. I think I've grown into an asexual anyway. So dig it.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> "Either sleep with me or I'm leaving you," - sounds like pressure to me.


 Its a dysfunctional relationship for this guy. Sorry its reality. He shouldn't ask her to do anything, just respectfully acknowledge her decision and let her know his. 


OldSchoolSkater said:


> And I don't disagree that sex, these days, is a normal part of a relationship for a lot of people.
> 
> I do, however, think that you need to respect the women that choose not to sleep with anyone until they are married/ready. There are a lot of people out there that still believe sex should be reserved for marriage - due to religious or personal beliefs/morals.
> 
> I find it sort of disgusting how sex has become such a huge part of our culture. It's no longer that special thing you share with one person anymore, at least not for a lot of people.


I didn't get the sense she was waiting until marriage. She was just waiting out of fear and insecurity.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Zeeshan said:


> I knew the exact same situation with a friend
> 
> They were together for a year and no sex. Then they broke up, and he found out she met some guy and slept with him only after the second week
> 
> ...


What kinda bull**** is this?


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## Arisa1536 (Dec 8, 2009)

Dan iel said:


> Sounds like you love her enough so it's not a huge problem.
> 
> I'd say bring it up because I think in relationships you need communication. If that fails rinse the prince.


Yeah I agree, I mean she cannot keep avoiding it, especially if you are in a serious relationship and there is genuine love involved then it should be discussed and out in the open

also if she is a virgin remember its more intense and scary for her the first time since sex takes time getting used to for both but its painful often for the girl, not the boy so be gentle


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

*I am not at all interested in doing it.i wonder why people need to have that.i m really ok with my virginity.a relatioship without sex-why cant it be..*


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Zeeshan said:


> I knew the exact same situation with a friend
> 
> They were together for a year and no sex. Then they broke up, and he found out she met some guy and slept with him only after the second week
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, but I have to go back to this story... cause this doesn't make any Goddamn sense.

You mean to tell me that she was ready, willing, and able to have sex for an ENTIRE YEAR and there was never any kind of initiation on either side?

Also, how is it his job to make a move? That's one of the biggest problems men have with women--they expect a man to "just know" what they want.

Sorry to break it to your friend, but that wasn't his girlfriend.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Relationship without sex? What's the point?????? :b


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## foxy (Jul 3, 2010)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Notice how I said "married/ready." It doesn't matter what the reason is, if you actually care about the person enough you should just accept it and deal with it. If you are unable to do that then let the person know and move on.
> 
> I do think that it is sort of shallow to say that just because they wont sleep with you that you need to either pressure them into it or dump them. And to those who said, "A sexless relationship? That's just a friendship not a relationship," haven't you ever thought that your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend should be your best friend? That's how I've always thought about it.


 my mom was my best friend, but i didnt want to shaft her ????????????


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

Trying to come off as someone you aren't is silly, just explain to her that it's important to you and if she still brushes you off I'd move on, long term relationships where your partner rejects intimacy are not, in my personal experience, good for your self-esteem.


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## katiebird (Sep 25, 2011)

um wow.. This is hard to give advice to, 9 months seems like a very long time, she hasn't been like horny at all either?..anyways well the last thing you want to do is push it too much and make her feel bad about it (obvisously), hm i think you should talk to her about it though, bring it up and see if she's even interested. be patient but know your limit and do what you think is right in the situation. The way I look at it it's bond to happen real soon, and when it does happen it will be special for both of you.


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