# "Hanging out" / "socializing" with people bores me to bits



## tooshytosay (Dec 23, 2008)

I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.

You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.

In that time, I'd rather go get more work done, or actually go do something I like to do. I just find your classic social occasions - chatting with people over a cup of coffee / meal, loosely "hanging out" with friends, going out for a drink - all mind-bogglingly boring. In those situations I watch the time go by and wish I was doing somethiing more "productive".

The irony is, all this makes me look like someone who wants to reject human contact and be alone. But that's not true - I still long for meaningful human contact and I wish there were some people I could enjoy being with. But at the same time, I hate "socializing" the way most people do. See the Catch-22? 

Do people _really_ enjoy "socializing" deep down? Or is socializing a "price to pay" in order to be with other people?


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## Ihatethinkingofusernames (Jun 19, 2010)

I could have written that. Small talk bores me to tears. It's not that I would rather be more productive so much as I think I have more fun by myself. My internal conversations are much more entertaining to me. Talking about weather makes me want to punch people strangely enough.

I think some people really do enjoy socializing...but I am not one of them. My kids are the only meaningful human contact I need at this point in my life, but I can see how you would be incredibly frustrated.


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## Spettro (Sep 25, 2009)

I think it depends if you have an extroverted/introverted personality, and who your hanging out with. I only ever enjoyed being with my cousin as we were pretty close (not so much anymore ) We didn't spend time chatting alot but played video games, sports, hitting each other with sticks thinking we were Jedi etc :lol

and I hate small talk so much  I wish more people could be comfortable not talking


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

Hanging out can be deathly boring for me, i was never a hang out kinda person. If i did sit around with someone, it'd have to be someone i really feel close to, or someone i can goof around and act stupid with. I don't like the typical group hangouts though, they seem impersonal and a waste of time. Honestly, i don't care for a lot of people i've acquainted with, and while they've invited me to do this and that, i always say Sure and then the topic is never acknowledged again. I don't get how people can be happy at parties, i do enjoy time alone a lot more. But i can't answer your question, cause i don't consider myself a normal person at all.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

I think people should not talk and just approach each other and start playing a game of chess. That would be much better.


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## candrnow (Jun 15, 2010)

I enjoy small talk when it is with people I'm comfortable chatting with. On the other hand, when I'm talking to people I'm uncomfortable with, I tend to begin internalizing rather than being involved in the conversation. 

Maybe next time try asking the person questions about things you're genuinely interested in instead of trying to "follow a script." Find some common ground (a sport you guys both play, for example) and go from there.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I can relate so much, it's beyond belief!


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## YerBlues (Jun 17, 2010)

I hate pointless socializing, but love socializing where you get to know somebody further. So I guess I do enjoy hanging out over a meal or drinking with people as long as the atmosphere isn't too... social...

The only reason I ever don't like this activity is because it's linked with anxiety and stress... if I didn't have this response, I don't think I would do much else but socialize and chill with people.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

meepie said:


> I think people should not talk and just approach each other and start playing a game of chess. That would be much better.


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## No Surprises (Nov 1, 2009)

YerBlues said:


> The only reason I ever don't like this activity is because it's linked with anxiety and stress... if I didn't have this response, I don't think I would do much else but socialize and chill with people.


And this, I think, is where a fundamental schism arises between SA sufferers. There are those among us who genuinely enjoy quotidian fraternizing but are simply too scared to get involved, and those of us who, in addition to being frightened by such situations, or perhaps completely independently of any such fear, simply can't bring ourselves to care about the interests of those around us. I count myself as being part of the latter group, and I'm afraid it's even more dysfunctional than the former, as it has the added bonus of anhedonic characteristics that overlap with the schizoid personality profile.

Very importantly, what I would suggest to keep in mind is that friendship and socializing aren't necessarily supposed to be fun; they actually involve a considerable level of sacrifice, and to those of us for whom making friends doesn't come naturally (i.e., the vast majority of members on this forum), the sacrifices can seem all the more grating.

But the good news is that the mere recognition of friendship's shortfalls can potentially be a huge step forward, as, once you take a more cynical perspective by acknowledging that socializing is inherently unpleasant, contrived, and far less conducive to the development of knowledge than mere reading or writing by one's lonesome, you need not be quite as disappointed the next time somebody goes off on a vapid tangent about the weather, or the TV show "Entourage", or the latest World Cup match. Just play along as though you're actually interested, have a laugh, and then privately move on to more important concerns later when you're in a situation that's more conducive to proper analysis.

People who don't have many friends -- and I include myself in this group -- often assume that friendship is a hallowed sphere in which people's interests effortlessly coincide. But this isn't so. If you want to present yourself more attractively in social situations -- and, as a result, come away with a more positive impression of the interchange -- you need to get into the habit of showing a certain level of enthusiasm and attention to whatever the people around you are talking about, even if you find it intrinsically boring. It's not always easy, and you may even become increasingly cynical about friendship and socializing as a result, but your perspective will nonetheless be more realistic, and, crucially, you'll help to spare your self-image by trading off negative assessments of your ability to socialize with negative assessments of the act of socializing itself, all of which are perfectly justifiable.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

I find it difficult to think of things to talk about so i end up feeling that silences are all my fault which is why i dislike it.

I also don't like going on msn because of the same problem.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I only 'hang-out' with people if alcohol and/or drugs are involved. Hanging out sobre is excruciating.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

Sitting around chatting and listening to ppl for too long does get very boring to me (and I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels this way). I do like ppl, but think it is more fun if there is some sort of activity--I guess it takes away the stress and boredom of maintaining a conversation.


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

My ex used to get mad at me because I'd bring a book to our regular hipster party's in L.A.

At most social functions I've found that everyone is stupid. Therefore I hate being engaged in boring mundane blubbering conversations that hold not a single shard of thought provoking matter. 

This is all a little less painful after I've had some narcotic's, and or drank a little to much.


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## BlueJayWay (Mar 24, 2010)

I can find it quite boring, very boring actually, depending on the person. There are some people I know I'll never just plan to 'hang out' with because we'll talk about the weather and then just be uncomfortable.
Some people do have the ability to hold conversations though, I do sometimes get bored listening, but if they've got a good personality/ are a nice person generally, I think it's alright.
I wish I didnt get bored with people speaking - I want to know what they're telling me, but I don't like sitting through all the words coming out of their mouths :S Perhaps because I have to keep up my nodding, occasional eye-contact routine whilst they talk.


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## HumanWonder (Nov 25, 2010)

If the only people you can find to hang out with are boring and you need to be around people, then you might have to "pay the price" of pretending you're interested. But there are definitely people out there who are stimulating to talk to, you just have to look harder to find them, unfortunately. 

Which might have to do with IQ-- maybe the interesting people are the smart ones, and there are fewer of them. Something like 5% of the population is considered highly intelligent. Just a theory. 

I had to train myself to be okay with being alone for the same reasons you're talking about. But my main problem is feeling judged and being too quiet. If I could somehow be included while being accepted as nearly silent, I would be set.


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## Sagacious (Jun 29, 2010)

Everything in your post is how I feel about socializing. 
The only reason I want to socialize is that it's nearly impossible to get a girlfriend when you don't talk to many people. I don't really desire friends, even those with similar interests. I'd rather be alone, but I don't want that to mean that I am actually 'alone' with no one. It just makes it that much harder to get a girlfriend if you don't have friends.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

If I have enough in common with the person I can come up with things to talk about. I don't mind small talk. This is how most relationships begin anyway. You get to deeper issues when you know the person better. It might help to accept the fact that most people aren't that interesting or original. I think the point of socializing is simply being with and connecting to the person.


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## Lejours (Dec 2, 2010)

I feel this way too. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and I don't really feel that lonely. Really what bothers me the most is what my family thinks of me not having many friends and not hanging out with people at school, and also whenever I think about getting a boyfriend it makes me discouraged when I think of how he would react to it. I think that it just depends on the people you're going to hang out with and what you're going to be doing though. For me, if we're just going to be sitting down in like a cafeteria or something, I would probably wouldn't be able to maintain good conversation and get distracted about people around me and pretty self-aware of the conversation 'material' , but if we're going to like a walk downtown or something 'active' I usually don't have a problem. I guess we need the right stimulation and setting =/


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## Jennifer Clayton (Nov 19, 2010)

Hmmm. I feel like when I think about it, it seems like the most boring thing ever. When I am actually out, chatting with people, I love it like crazy. The introvert in me rejects this idea of talking as being 'fun'. But I am partially extroverted. Talking about the right subjects, I could talk to people for hours, lol. It's just getting used to the idea. If I get use to that, I'll stop being reluctant to actually go out and hang out. I love talking. Always have. I just have that little barrier of introversion sometimes.


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## lotsatiarma (Jan 1, 2011)

I think if you enter conversations with goals in mind, you will be disappointed. My mindset used to, and still is (working on it), that I go into conversations with my values and interests and if nobody can match those with mine, then no pleasant conversation is possible. Any other words exchanged are a waste of time as I will not find them interesting. The conversation will not bring me what I desire. If you think of efficiently managing your time so that your happiness will be maximized, socializing for some of us is not a rational choice as spending time alone yields certain immediate gains. All of what I have said is assuming that you do not adapt to people, and value your feelings as the basis of good decision making. 

Even if we think this way, sometimes I feel like I can enjoy idle conversation if I did something the same day that was productive and meaningful. If your issue is that you don't want to waste time (so you can do meaningful work), I think you'll feel the same way. You feel like you can reward yourself for doing hard work, so it's more an issue with guilt in that situation.

I've been trying to understand how the average joe converses with people and what goes through their mind at the time. I ask people what they talk about with their friends and nobody seems to know. I think conversation skill is actually an automatic process where you don't really think. You just flow with the other person and respond accordingly, abandoning your self somewhat and taking on roles as you need to. There is no measuring of feelings, no comparisons of yourself to other people. At first, I thought that you could never take pleasure in doing this because roles can be contrast to your personality, but enjoyable conversation is not necessarily centered on matching values and interests, but more so on sharing positive emotions.

I think this is why relationships can work out even when two people don't share the same interests. Even though they don't particularly care about the content of the messages they send each other, you empathize with their excitement and take it as your own. So if you don't find something someone says interesting, at least try to make them feel like they can tell you happily? Haha, I'm not sure myself. I came to these thoughts when even though I don't like baseball, the hype still affected me when the local pro team went on a random baseball winning streak. The whole city was in bliss, myself included.

Anyway, I really like this topic and lets continue to talk about it.


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## timeslikethese (Feb 11, 2011)

Good topic, actually. 

I do think from reading this thread, however, you gain an understanding of how people with SA are often deemed to be 'aloof'.


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## Anon7 (Nov 16, 2007)

tooshytosay said:


> I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.
> 
> You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.
> 
> ...


You don't have interest in the sort of socializing you've been doing. Really though, social is the best sort of situations to have fun...

You can always change the way you socialize and make it interesting. You can't be afraid though, because what you'd really find interesting is also probably quite frightening at the moment.


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## CrazyCatLady (Feb 8, 2011)

I hate small talk and always have. Funny thing is it's the only interaction that I don't think is due to my anxiety. It's stupid and it's boring. If we both know it's 70 degrees and sunny why do we have to talk about? If I don't know you well and I ask you how you are doing you are going to say "Fine" or "Great" because it would be impolite to be honest so why bother asking to begin with?


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

It entirely depends on whom I'm with. If I'm with a good friend, I love just hanging out and doing nothing (in fact, I much prefer that to going out and doing something structured and organized). On the other hand, I dread hanging out with people I'm not comfortable with. Casual, unstructured interaction with people I don't know well and/or don't connect with causes me a lot of discomfort.

Also, I'm much more comfortable hanging out with just one person than with multiple people. The more people there are, the less comfortable I am and the more self-conscious I feel. But really, there's nothing I'd like more right now than to have just one good friend that I could hang out with on a regular basis. I miss having that.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

Ihatethinkingofusernames said:


> I could have written that. Small talk bores me to tears. It's not that I would rather be more productive so much as I think I have more fun by myself.


I also think I'm more entertaining to myself for ideas than most people I've met. But then again, I think others may find me boring also because thinking stuff and expressing it to others are a whole different matter. We may be misinterpreting them too.

On the other hand, I like doing stuff with people like hiking, sports, exploring, working, joking, camping, playing games with people but the small talk is really boring as I'd rather read a book, internet, lecture, etc for cognitive/intellectual stimulation. As bad as it sounds, I need people only for sex/companionship/mutual support, humour, exploration/adventure, etc. but they are pretty useless for intellectual stuff unless they have something that I'm really interested in. I think most people are like this. When one thinks about it most of our most interesting thoughts/ideas are internal and used not for communication to others. I would guess that over 90% of my thoughts are internal (talking to myself). I'm guessing most people are like this and have little desire to share their thoughts directly to others, especially if they're introverts. Probably because the difficulty introverts have in expressing/thinking "aloud" their ideas.


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## Jennifer Clayton (Nov 19, 2010)

It really feels fake at first. Like when I try doing small talk, I can get suuuper bored, and just want to zone out. I'm like I could be doing anything else right now, why am I talking to this person? But sometimes, it's about finding people with similar interests. That helps a lot. Another thing is that you start to get used to it over time. I know when I first started it, I only hated it. I hated all the chitchat, with random people. But the more I do it, the more comfortable I feel with it and I feel with myself, and the more I start to have a good time. I knew it just took time and practice for me to start getting used to it.


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## WTFnooooo (Mar 27, 2010)

Small talk can be pleasant in intervals, like a break from deep thinking, but hanging out with people who only engage in small talk, who cannot engage in a philosophic discussion, these intellectually lazy sometimes cowardly people who are too scared to give an opinion about a controversial subject like politics or religion, is something I detest.
I rather be doing something productive, of course.


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## Tinklepee (Feb 2, 2011)

You just have to find the right people. 

Some people are just boring and like to talk about their cats nonstop. You may have the same interests as other people which can lead to very fun and self improving conversations.


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## THEuTASTEsOFeINKd (Apr 10, 2010)

Talking is fun sometimes... At school it sucks because I feel people find what I say boring so I end up stopping. When I was more outgoing I enjoyed getting together with friends and hanging out and just talking about random stuff. You probably find it boring because you're talking to someone that you don't have a strong connection. Now when I talk to old friends (rare) they kind of stop talking and then I'll try to keep talking but it seems like they're irritated (what's up with that?). Over all though I'd rather be doing an activity with a person instead of talking. When my parents have friends over, all they do is sit at the table all night drinking and talking which sounds like a waste of time to me but what ever, lol.


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## Anon7 (Nov 16, 2007)

No Surprises said:


> And this, I think, is where a fundamental schism arises between SA sufferers. There are those among us who genuinely enjoy quotidian fraternizing but are simply too scared to get involved, and those of us who, in addition to being frightened by such situations, or perhaps completely independently of any such fear, simply can't bring ourselves to care about the interests of those around us. I count myself as being part of the latter group, and I'm afraid it's even more dysfunctional than the former, as it has the added bonus of anhedonic characteristics that overlap with the schizoid personality profile.
> 
> Very importantly, what I would suggest to keep in mind is that friendship and socializing aren't necessarily supposed to be fun; they actually involve a considerable level of sacrifice, and to those of us for whom making friends doesn't come naturally (i.e., the vast majority of members on this forum), the sacrifices can seem all the more grating.
> 
> ...


I'd disagree with your advice. You accurately describe the situation, but that's not much a of a resolution.

Why would you waste your time pretending to be interested? It's rare, but I really think people appreciate honest behavior more than anything.

The important thing is to show the person that, you know, it's nothing against them, but the topic just isn't your thing.

Being the odd one out is okay, because it makes you different. And different can be very good... It's just that most people are ashamed of their differences, and can't take flack from others... but the ones that can take it, and are happy with who they are... They make interactions a lot better.

Be polite, but don't pretend you're interested in something you're not. You're not here to entertain people around you, I'd say you're here to entertain yourself... AND that, coincidentally, is usually the best way to entertain other people anyway.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

Anon7 said:


> It's rare, but I really think people appreciate honest behavior more than anything.


I think these points between you and No Surprises is a tough call. I've struggled with it my whole life. I think most people fake it a bit. I just think that being too honest with people can sometimes make you a very lonely person. But I understand where you're coming from.


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## St Deutsch (Jan 8, 2011)

Maybe you're a boring person... And of course people put on a face to entertain, THAT is the fun.


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## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

I think another thing, though we hate to admit it and most of us probably won't, is many of us with SA are self-focused (some may even say self-centred or selfish). Not in the sense we want everything to ourselves, dislike others or think overly highly of ourselves (quite the opposite), just that our world is very internalized and we try to find meaning in everything (how we relate to the world) as a result. Thus it can be hard to put up with things we find shallow or pointless, in relation to our search for meaning. Yet of course this becomes a viscious circle, when others think differently and when the desire for human contact still exists.


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## Trexsis (Feb 2, 2011)

Absolutely incredible.

Several of the ideas and thoughts in this topic have been my own at one point or another. I find this to be refreshing and it actually renews my hope in meeting good people who are fine with doing absolutely nothing. Except maybe RC cars. Those things rock.

@Tooshytosay

Both. 

It depends on how far you are willing to take it. Some people are willing to pay the price and pretend to be interested. This offers an easier path to friendship then say traveling a couple states to hang with someone you actually want to be around. People can be lazy or impatient about it.

Then there are those that genuinely enjoy talking about anything and everything. I know someone just like that. But, even they have limitations on what they like to talk about and usually gravitate to people with characters that compliment or match their own. Too many reasons to count really.

You seem to be very goal oriented. Perhaps you feel there has to be some end result that involves an activity or some reward as a result of the meeting.

Another explanation is that you are a workaholic and prefer physical accomplishment to socializing.

No matter your reason a few things are clear. You will either conform. You will keep searching until you find the kind of social atmosphere you truly desire. Either that, or you will continue to be lonely and find other ways besides socializing to entertain yourself. Very few people can do absolutely nothing.


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## dano (Feb 15, 2011)

hey i read your hanging out bores you . i agree im 62 yrs old and gone thrue my whole life feeling the same way. every once in a while i will find someone i enjoy talking to. i cant seem to think what every body has so much to talk about.


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## Tinklepee (Feb 2, 2011)

spaceygirl said:


> I think another thing, though we hate to admit it and most of us probably won't, is many of us with SA are self-focused (some may even say self-centred or selfish). Not in the sense we want everything to ourselves, dislike others or think overly highly of ourselves (quite the opposite), just that our world is very internalized and we try to find meaning in everything (how we relate to the world) as a result. Thus it can be hard to put up with things we find shallow or pointless, in relation to our search for meaning. Yet of course this becomes a viscious circle, when others think differently and when the desire for human contact still exists.


This. A lot of small talk is about shallow pointless things such as work or school. It's hard for me to care about my own job and schooling let alone have a convo about it with people I am just meeting.


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## WolfGirl1 (Feb 13, 2011)

BlueJayWay said:


> I can find it quite boring, very boring actually, depending on the person. There are some people I know I'll never just plan to 'hang out' with because we'll talk about the weather and then just be uncomfortable.
> Some people do have the ability to hold conversations though, I do sometimes get bored listening, but if they've got a good personality/ are a nice person generally, I think it's alright.
> I wish I didnt get bored with people speaking - I want to know what they're telling me, but I don't like sitting through all the words coming out of their mouths :S Perhaps because I have to keep up my nodding, occasional eye-contact routine whilst they talk.


So true BlueJay! I had to laugh about the latter part of your comment. Not laughing at you or the comment...laughing because there was some sort of relief knowing someone else experiences the same feeling. If that makes sense? You explained it to a "T"!! It happens to me almost everyday!

Another thing that happens, is that when people do talk to me I don't remember what they said because I am too focused on what my response will be.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

lotsatiarma said:


> I think if you enter conversations with goals in mind, you will be disappointed. My mindset used to, and still is (working on it), that I go into conversations with my values and interests and if nobody can match those with mine, then no pleasant conversation is possible. Any other words exchanged are a waste of time as I will not find them interesting. The conversation will not bring me what I desire. If you think of efficiently managing your time so that your happiness will be maximized, socializing for some of us is not a rational choice as spending time alone yields certain immediate gains. All of what I have said is assuming that you do not adapt to people, and value your feelings as the basis of good decision making.
> 
> Even if we think this way, sometimes I feel like I can enjoy idle conversation if I did something the same day that was productive and meaningful. If your issue is that you don't want to waste time (so you can do meaningful work), I think you'll feel the same way. You feel like you can reward yourself for doing hard work, so it's more an issue with guilt in that situation.
> 
> ...


Amazing post! I think a lot of people on this board need this kind of info. Socializing is not about content, its about connection. People who are really smart tend to not understand this. I used to be this way but now I realize that I have made useless conversation with my smart friends. Instead of talking about events or acting silly we were analyzing things and talking about ideas. It was still conversational BS. Kind of like what we do on this site:roll


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## WolfGirl1 (Feb 13, 2011)

I try to tell myself in every social outing that "I am not here to entertain". Very well said, Anon7.


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## WolfGirl1 (Feb 13, 2011)

Anon7 said:


> I'd disagree with your advice. You accurately describe the situation, but that's not much a of a resolution.
> 
> Why would you waste your time pretending to be interested? It's rare, but I really think people appreciate honest behavior more than anything.
> 
> ...


I tell myself at every social event that "I am not here to entertain". Very well said Anon7.


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## SydneyCarton (Jan 4, 2011)

Ditto. Not only am I very bored with small talk and socializing, but it tires me out very quickly. If I am in a social situation for even 5 minutes at the end I feel exhausted. So the combination of the boredom and the exhaustion hits me over the head like a baseball bat and I come away from most social interactions feeling very dazed.


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## jimkon1479 (Sep 23, 2011)

*low conversational skills*

I'd love to talk to people, but I've been quiet for so long, my conversational skills have atropied and haven't gone far beyond the "how you doing" phase. I sometimes make small talk when it gets too quiet, but no stimulating conversation. When I'm at work, I just crash in the break room and nap. I also notice this that when a friend is talking and seems bored, I cut the subject short, and find something else to talk about.


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## roses6 (Sep 6, 2011)

tooshytosay said:


> I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.
> 
> You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.
> 
> ...


I do feel the same in many ways, though I wasn't always like this.
But over the past couple of years, and especially the last year, I've hated socialising more and more. Now whenever I get invited to parties I, more often than not, tend to make excuses to give them a miss.
I suppose it's not a healthy attitude but then I've increasingly been finding social gatherings 'exhausting'.


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## thankyouberry (Aug 11, 2011)

As you get closer to the people you hang out with, you start to have more interesting conversations. The smalltalk is kind of an icebreaker.


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## DanaWK (Jan 15, 2012)

I know right!? I usually just sit there and don't say much, unless the conversation is really funny or interesting, or even intense. I ride crotch rockets so usually we drive to one spot and chat for a bit, ride somewhere else and do the same thing, its fun and i can socialize without S.A.D because i'm not doing something boring. Its like the adrenaline helps me talk lol


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

Yeah, i'm not the kind of person who likes to sit around and talk. I prefer to do stuff with people and not say much.


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## LDR (Jan 25, 2012)

tooshytosay said:


> I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.
> 
> You know, just casually chatting with people, doing nothing much in particular, to me seems to be such a waste of time.
> 
> ...


A lot of very successful people have a reclusive nature and are introverted, often preferring to hone their craft and improve their skills rather than socialize. From the sounds of it you're going to be one of them. Good Luck.


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## Imthagirl55 (May 24, 2013)

I'm the same, social interaction bores me to death. I don't find people interesting. Or i could say i don't find anything interesting to talk about. NOTHING is interesting... i don't care about anything they have to say, or anything i have to say. I just don't know why.


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## Kiba (Apr 26, 2013)

Most people understand that pretty much* any* relationship goes through an orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like 'Life's like that', following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness (ie "testing the waters")... If you cant "handle" getting through the menial and trivial groundwork of a relationship, then don't, however believing that you're somehow more interesting just because you prefer your own company is a spotty assumption at best...


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I'm horrid at smalltalk it and it stresses me out BUT I don't hate it based on principal. I wish I was good at it, I look at my friends who can work a room and make instant friends with complete strangers and I am in awe. I stumble awkwardly for words despite genuine interest in getting to know people. I feel extremely lucky when I can have conversations with people. I love to listen if I meet a 'talker' its awesome it takes the pressure off, if I can keep them talking? Even better... 

Hanging out is usually surrounding an activity though, even if its a passive activity like watching a movie, or having drinks or going for a walk, working out etc. 

I agree that having a central activity like a video game or a poker game to fill in the silent moments inbetween the ebb and flows of conversation is helpful in making things less awkward. No arguments there but I don't care if conversation is deep I just enjoy conversation period.

I enjoy it even if I appear shy/lonerish to others because I let my fears stop me.


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## SilentlySuffering (Oct 14, 2010)

I find socializing and hanging out to be boring too. I've noticed it even more after going to a family gathering not too long ago. All they would do was talk 24/7, laugh about things I didn't quite understand and it was just a bunch of loud nonsense. I'm so used to it being very quiet back at home, so I'm not used to speaking so much. I often complain that I wish I had someone to speak to, but when I am hanging out with others I often wish that I could be back at home by myself. I guess I wasn't meant for socializing because it doesn't interest me at all. The worst part is when everyone all of a sudden stop talking then they look at me and ask why am I quiet or not talking.


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## Moomin22 (May 23, 2013)

i know exactly what you mean. i cant stand small talk, bores me to tears. i never have anything interesting or relevant to say.. 
but then sometimes i long for it. just a causal chat about nothing.. 
i just cant make my mind up


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## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

I hate socialising and will avoid it at all costs. When I'm around others I usually feel a mixture of anxiety, boredom and annoyance. Just hearing everyone around me at work banging on about the same tiresome topics every single day has me reaching for my mp3 player to drown it all out. 

Any time we finish early at work on a Friday afternoon to get together over drinks and chat is my cue to make a quiet escape and head home early. Staying around to drink and chit chat just holds no appeal to me whatsoever.


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## needwater (Dec 27, 2011)

"Let me find the man who has forgotten words"
..Or something like that

I just find people who have actual reasons to speak to socialize with. That way you prevent all the annoying people from pestering you. Well, mostly.


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## green9206 (May 13, 2013)

Hanging out does not bore me at all. In fact i would be hanging out all the time if it were not for my severe social anxiety.


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## dharana (May 29, 2013)

I can't stand small talk though I don't always know ways around it, particularly in social situations when I don't know many people (or anyone). I don't mind just hanging out with good friends, but I'd much rather *do* something together. I feel like that's so much more comfortable. 

When I was first together with my partner he and his friends had regular routine of hanging out most weekends and it drove me mental; they'd go to each other's houses to drink, someone would start watching YouTube clips, and I'd be ready to leave an hour into it (if that). It got so that I'd be panicking before we were supposed to go out and meet them because I *so* didn't want to participate in the same old routine. So we found a compromise that worked great for me. We'd invite people out to do things together - hiking, day trips to different places, camping, concerts, making a huge dinner all together, whatever. We lived in a small city where there wasn't much happening but we tried to make our own fun. This made it far more enjoyable for me to hang out and get to know his friends and not have to just sit around. We also found that the people who were most content to just sit around (and who, therefore, I was least compatible with) wouldn't accept these invitations, so I ended up becoming closer with the people I have more in common with in the end. This worked wonders for me. That is not to say that I don't still face anxiety about social situations (you can't always resist 'just hanging out') but it has improved things.


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

tooshytosay said:


> Do people _really_ enjoy "socializing" deep down?


Yes, they do. Or at least _I _do. What I've gathered from your post is that you probably are not hanging out or "socializing" with the right people. When you're talking with people that you truly get along with, chatting isn't boring at all.


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

This is why I drink myself silly at social functions.


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## PaxBritannica (Dec 10, 2012)

I do find being around people boring, even when I used to go to parties I thought this. On the other hand, I rarely have anything to say to most people.


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## modus (Apr 27, 2011)

allthatsparkles said:


> Yes, they do. Or at least _I _do. What I've gathered from your post is that you probably are not hanging out or "socializing" with the right people. When you're talking with people that you truly get along with, chatting isn't boring at all.


I was gonna come here to say this.

The right group of people is everything. That doesn't necessarily mean people with the same interests either. It means people who are interesting to you and at least a little unpredictable.


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## tristatejosh (Mar 10, 2013)

For me, my enjoyment of "hanging out" can depend on the person and how close I am to them. I hang out with my family and enjoy that to a degree and I would enjoy hanging out with best friends that I can really be myself around and they bring out the best in me.

But hanging out as in like just sitting around or doing/talking about stuff that I don't have much knowledge or regard for, forget about it. 

But I would like more close friends .


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## Ayvee (Jan 3, 2013)

It doesn't necessarily bore me all the time, although it can, and is certainly a waste of time. It's more that I am incapable of socializing normally because I never do...I always end up awkward and lurking if it's more than one or two people, and don't say much, and I hate being constantly anxious and worried about saying something stupid and what they think of me...those are more of the reasons I can't stand hanging out and small talk.


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## luvit (May 23, 2013)

lol, this is great. New here, so reading a topics like this one is quite novel and refreshing. We should all get together at the pub and hash this out in person! ;P 
I've struggled with this issue over the years, desperately wanting to be able to comfortably 'socialize' (my older siblings were quite popular:roll, i was the 'shy one') and yet at times when i was able to be social, i often found it boring and tiresome....damned if i did and if i didn't!?! I still admire the ability to work a room....an undeniable social 'skill' with many payoffs (business/job contacts, helpful acquaintances, friendships, dating, etc) and haven't yet figured how to make my sa payoff. And the fact that i've often found socializing boring/stressful has taken motivation away from learning/ improving it.
1/2 a century of age has snuck up on me while i've been 'hiding out' eek and i'm thinking life is too short to live with SA! :mum Anxiety robs you of your ability to act intelligently, and so much more....

@ the OP, yes all those extrovert types really do, deep down, like being social, the rest of us struggle thru with varying degrees of success....


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## Alyce (Nov 17, 2013)

I am a very talkative person when the time and place are right and I love catching up with a friend over coffee and have really long conversations that have substance and make sense. I love talking to just one person or two at the most, and pretty much everyone I know who sees me in such situations comments on how much fun I am.
However, I hate socializing amid a group of people I know fleetingly or not at all, and the bigger the group, the worse it is for me. I have difficulties understanding how people can congregate in a room to talk about basically nothing for hours and hours. I went to a birthday party with my boyfriend recently and after four hours I simply couldn't bear to sit on my behind any longer, I thought I was going to go crazy! 
One of the guys who'd come with his girlfriend got drunk and started spouting misogynistic nonsense-is this what passes as 'conversation' in such situations? Is this in any way edifying, interesting, intellectually engaging or even pleasant? Personally, I think that people who enjoy this kind of thing must be either crazy or severely lack any intelligence, empathy and understanding.


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## Wulfgar (Aug 23, 2013)

yeah I feel the same...i hate having to smalltalk with prudish/uptight people who have really strict coversation etiquette and they get offended whenever you bring up a topic they arent into....like as soon as I start talking about aliens, humbolt squids, or anything like that, everybody just looks at me all bug-eyed and then they brush it off and go right back to talking about sports or facebook or some other typical bull**** that "normal" people are into....usually thats when I decide i'v got better thing to do and just walk out the door.

If I cant have ridiculous conversations with people about bizarre topics then I really dont have much of a reason to hang out with them at all...I mean I understand there's a limit but I really dont think I come of as "creepy" weird....but rather "quirky" weird

but SOMETIMES I dont feel like talking at ALL around such uptight people (because I just KNOW they'll misunderstand and judge me harshly )so I just keep to myself sometimes.

which is also a reason why iv always had trouble talking to girls...it seems like theres some special way you have to talk to them....which I find to be completely fvcking ridiculous i mean really as long as you have interests in common, are nice to her, and she's at least mildly attracted to you then I dont see WHAT the problem is...but I guess some girls like to play little games and make things more complicated than they really are...

Anyway,I once recorded a solo black metal demo and sent it to a girl I knew on facebook...she subsequently deleted me, blocked me, and I havent heard from her since....but the thing is she actually LIKED black metal..I mean she's a FAN of that type of music....so really I dont see what I did wrong....if someone had sent ME a black metal demo that they had recorded solo style (Burzum style) then I would have been like "This is AWESOME!!! lets collaborate!!!" but I guess some people dont appreciate such things :rain


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

Agreed.
Though I find that if I find someone I really like or we're talking about an interesting subject, it can be the most fun and bonding experience, and that's the best feeling ever.
Sucks that we have to sift through so many boring people though, it's such a waste of time.


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## cricklewood (Jun 9, 2012)

It depends on the topic for me. If we're talking about something technology related, I would love to hang about and carry the conversation. Anything else (i.e. b****ing) bores me.


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## decemberxx (Jan 11, 2013)

I think the problem lies within the context of the social situation.
You want to socialize, I take it. The difference is you prefer deeper more meaningful conversation. Am I wrong?

I feel this way often. I want to find people to relate to and hang out with so badly, and feel lonely often.
Yet, I find myself turning down opportunities to make new friends, or find time for previous friends, because I feel like it's so boring at times. The same small talk after a while, just gets to me. Then I feel bad for not spending more time with others.
It seems very contradicting doesn't it?
It doesn't make much sense at first, but it does if you really really think about it.
Then whenever I'd have opportunities to hang out or be around others, I'd feel like I was just sort of sitting on the side, I wouldn't say much. I'd go along with the conversations, blend in, but always felt like I could never truly be my true self. Most people don't seem to care to discuss or even contemplate deeper topics or anything other than small/typical talk. 
So maybe part of why you feel so bored is you feel you can't relate.
You just need to find different people to socialize. People who can hold the same level of conversation you prefer/desire. Not saying it will be easy, necessarily. 



I'm starting to wonder if more anxious people are more easily understimulated. We think too much. Hence, where are anxieties come from I guess. We need things to do, to occupy our minds.
Though, I can't speak for every anxious person. Just a thought.


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## radio8 (Nov 1, 2015)

congratulations,

you are right. people are boring as ****, and humans a pretty horrible species.

dumb

jealous

greedy

violent

lying

gross

pathetic 

vain

and

irrelevant.

yet, they think they are the spearhead of evolution...but that´s characteristic to all losers.

good luck having fun with them.


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## XRik7X (Jun 11, 2014)

Thats why I avoid it


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

tooshytosay said:


> I just can't stand "hanging out" with people - I find it extremely boring.


In a way, everyone is like that - but maybe not to the same degree. Two opposing areas are FACTS vs FEELINGS. Those usually don't match. Then, there's also the finding common interest via relevant topics.

There are many different types of people so if you can't fake it, your best bet is to find people who are similar to you ... if you're lucky.



tooshytosay said:


> Do people _really_ enjoy "socializing" deep down? Or is socializing a "price to pay" in order to be with other people?


Yes, some people DO enjoy it!

Just like a roller coaster ride. Some people complain that there's no story, no character development, etc ... while others enjoy the FEELING.


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

I see a lot of people saying socializing is boring but I don't think that's what they really mean.

You may dislike social interaction because you are bad at it but that's not exactly the same thing.

I dislike socializing usually because I am not with people who I am comfortable with...either I feel they are too normal or I don't have things in common with them.

I don't think people with SA are so interesting or so intelligent that everyone else and their topics are plain boring.

I think if we felt comfortable around people we could be ourselves and if we were with people who shared similar interests then we would enjoy our interactions.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

radio8 said:


> congratulations,
> 
> you are right. people are boring as ****, and humans a pretty horrible species.
> 
> ...


And add judgemental to that list, considering yourself. Some people will never get over SA if they are cynical of others.


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## jim98000 (Nov 4, 2015)

*interaction is excruciatingly boring and painful.*

I have reached total social anhedonia. I don't care to be around anyone regardless of my relationship with them as i can no longer stand conversing. It's more excruciating talking on the phone. I will never find the slightest bit of joy in interacting with anyone nor will I ever feel anything for anyone. I am not a sociopath as I still take people's feelings and well being into account but I just get no pleasure or enjoyment out of being around anyone even my closest friends and family. This happened about a year ago and it won't change.


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## teopap (May 12, 2013)

I don't enjoy hanging out with people. I am so anxious during this time and can't wait to leave and get back home again alone. They are usually talking about stupid and non-sense stuff I have no interest at. I prefer staring at a wall for hours and listening to music. It's much better.


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## b96 (Oct 6, 2015)

same goes for me it's that I don't enjoy socializing, is that I become anxious with people I'm not usually with and end up just being a bore. Put me in with some of my close friends from high school, I could go on and talk for hours. Just depends on the situation and people around, this hasn't helped me much to make friends at uni though :/


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