# Engram's hypnotherapy experiences



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

In this thread I am going to share my experience with hypnotherapy and regressions.

So first I should say something about myself, my case history and so on. I'm kinda lazy to do that, I've been flooding this forum with my mind waste for couple of months and I'm not going to repeat it and I also feel I'm not in so bad state anymore.. so go ahead and search my posts and threads I started, also visit my profile to get a glimpse who am I, perhaps you will find a bit of yourself in me and you may agree that hypnotherapy might be helpful for you as well.

What bothered me the most was money, work and fake society with all the sheeple who just bought it and live in predetermined social conformities. I was always outcast, I listened to metal when I was in first grade and obscure dark electronic music while others went to discos...I was always loner and geek to which nobody talked to. I kept this role throughout all the school years including high school and university. I was fine with that and I am still an antisocial individual and drop-out, I'm ok with that so far. Society sucks to me so why should I stick to it. What has worsened my state in recent years is everyday working routine and general state of things, the obvious obligation to attend office every f. day, deal with tons of complex problems in order to receive monthly salary... It's sumed up here http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/lack-of-life-152670/ if you want to torture yourself with that. The routines were killing me and the pressurising feelings from so sad reality was omnipresent in every a second. I also felt scared and anxious with every social contact that was about to happen, I had these bad vibrations in the stomach. I was crushed inside although I appeared as a confident and completely okay person. As years of work were passing and life seemed more and more unbearable, I started to seek help. Psychotherapist #1, #2, meds (Seroxat) for 4 months, psychotherapist #3, and it all just went worse and worse. I attended these classical "freudian/jungian" psychotherapy sessions where you lay on your back while the rapist was sitting behind so I couldn't see her and I talked about whatever came to my mind. I attended these sessions for 3 months twice a week and I just felt worse, several times I noticed that this is leading nowhere, because I won't tell about possible traumas from childhood that I simply can't remember. I found out that I have to sink deeper. I always thought that I have some deep black gorge in my mind from which all these sucky things, moods and feelings kept on rising. I also "saw" it quite clearly on several LSD trips that something's wrong in me and that I need to reprogram my subconscious.

So I looked around hypnotherapists in my area and I found one who is helping raped women and is also into astrology. I came first for a horoscope analysis, I gave him my time, date and place of birth. He was talking for an hour about me and he was completely right in everything, my family, my childhood, how I see things, what I'm good at and where are my weaknesses, and in the end he told the thing that got me, that I appear quite ok and confident on the outside, but I am unconfident inside, that I have problems with concentration and get often distracted, suffer from inner tension and I have low self esteem for no apparent reason. He told me that I have some traumas and/or bad karma from my past lives (allowed space for laughter here, you don't have to believe into reincarnation and be a buddhist), which I have to deal with in this life. He offered me the hypnotherapy and I agreed, having all these bad experiences with psychoanalysts and officially approved mindf.ckers behind me and knowing there's almost no other way left to get my mind fixed. I was informed that I will need 6 or 8 sessions to get the bad things out of me. Also I was warned that I may experience really awful things such as being hanged, disgraced, killed or be the killer in the hypnotic regressions.

Few weeks later I came in for the first hypnotic session. I was very nervous and full of fear and tension that I will not be able to get hypnotised because of my distracted mind that has unsorted thousands of thoughts in a second. I laid on a sofa on my back in the dead body pose (savasana) in which I felt most comfortable. I was instructed to intesively stare and concentrate on the "fixation point" which was a cross drawn on the ceiling by a marker. I stared with forcefully eyes rolled out at the fixation point. This lasted for a couple of minutes and then I was told that "my lids are heavy and tired and I want to close my eyes". As he started to countdown and told that I feel tired and fall asleep my heart started to beat around 180 bpm and I was thinking oh f.ck this won't work, but I did my best to cooperate. I was still full of doubts and fears, asking myself "is this really it", "am I already _here_"? I am experienced user of hallucinogenic drugs and I can distinguish when my mind is in altered state, I can be really resistant to it and go to work on acid. I was able to identify what an antidepressant does to my mind and perhaps that lowered their effect. I had the same doubts about the effect of hypnosis on me but thank god I was so wrong, it worked.

(1/2)


----------



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

(2/2)

The hypnotist told me to think of something nice, so I imagined a mind picture that always soothes me, I visualised myself sitting on some coastal cliff, listening to seagulls and waves and breathing the salty air. I concentrated on breathing and started to feel alright. Pranayama fixed that nervousness finally, and perhaps the fact that I came to hypnotic state as well. Later on the picture came alive, it took some "will" and "force" to keep myself attached to the picture. I saw the waves moving, grass and palm leaves waving in the wind, seagulls flying above my head and I just observed the sea and waves hitting the coast while trying to calm down and feel comfortable with/in that picture. A ship sailed into that picture and I moved on the board - somehow, I just mentally transfered there. I saw an archetypal pirate there with wooden leg and metallic hook instead of hand and of course the one-eye patch, like from a fairytale. He opened the mouth and laughed showing me the scurvy, utter look really. I really like Rime Of The Ancient Mariner and The Talisman by Iron Maiden and this felt interesting, such as materialising the lyrics of these two songs. Flying albatross, thirst, water water everywhere nor any drop to drink, I felt extremely thirsty in the hypnosis. Suddenly there was another ship coming and two crews clashed in fight, "our" ship won and took some gold from the other ship. "Our" ship came later to some port, the pillage was unloaded while locals were celebrating the immoraly gained wealth (here the projections of how I see the world come). I observed the celebrating people and they were all dressed like in 15th century, the town near the port had just wooden buildings. There were just muddy roads, horses and wooden chariots. Think what you want to think, it was either a true past life or just a projection. I'm undecided yet, but I have had an out of body experience on acid and I am a fan of K-Pax movie  

I stepped off the ship and began to explore the outside world. I couldn't understand what the people talk, I didn't knew their language. I began to identify myself there and I found my character. I was a blonde haired wanderer without knowledge where I come from, what is my mother tongue, or without knowing where am I and why am I there (compare with my view of today's world, it's all just work and fake society to which I have absolutely no attachment whatsoever). I walked along the coast and enjoyed the nature, I kind of felt like on holiday, it was really cool virtual reality after all and it seemed like a RPG, having a character and exploring the world. The night fell and I came to a huge fireplace with a fire burning, the flames rose up to 5-8 meters in the sky, it seemed like someone was being burnt there, but there was nobody around. The place had mystical feeling and the stones of the fireplace had interesting symbols and runes on it. I sat there for a while observing the fire, chilling out, doing nothing, thinking of meaning of life in that time and place mostly. 

In the middle of the night I went back to the town near the port. I saw a blood stains on the ground, but there was no one around. It was middle of the night and silence. Obviously a murder happened there few hours before, I felt it this way. I was strolling further through the town. There was a pub with some noise and drunks, but I did not even think of sitting even though I had huge thirst. The antisocial me just kept going and I passed the pub without even looking who is there. I was broke wanderer and I did not really want to beg or ask someone to get me a drink. I got out of the town and laid on the coast, watched stars and relaxed. In the morning I went back through the town and I start to understand what people are saying to each other, but I did not join a conversation with anybody. I was jobless, broke wanderer and others were all dressed up and seemed to go to jobs or school. I observed some craftsmen at work and thought what they are doing and why, some blacksmith was manufacturing knives and swords and I thought for what.. for killing for gold? Why should I join this... why should I work, conform, submit and fit into the society. I just don't f.ckin care. I left the coastal town and explored the mainland, I wandered through the mountains for a couple of hours and then I swam in some river. I felt so good in the nature without anybody else near me. As I do in my real life but it's hard to find such places when you're working slave and have no cash for expensive traveling to distant uninhabited places... 

For now I was in hypnotic state for about 80 minutes - inside the hypnotic plot it lasted around 30 hours but I could somehow fastforward the plot when nothing was happening. I started to feel uncomfortable with laying in one position for over an hour and I changed my position of legs several times. The hypnotist found out that it's time to leave and he woke me up. Before awaking from the hypnotic state he gave me suggestions and has "rewritten" the bad programs in my subconscious (that I'm bad, weak, afraid, no self esteem, tha I f.ck up everyhting). He was repeating me that basic state of my mind is peace and calmness, I am concentrated, confident, everything goes as I wish, I have success and feel good and healthy, blood is flowing in all my organs and these are all healthy, I feel powerful, energic and positive. Then I woke up and it was like I came from holiday. I was previously unable to repeat these positive words to myself, I ironically laughed to myself when I heard me talking "You will make it". Now, after having my subconscious mind reprogrammed, I can do it. I am starting to believe in myself...

Then, in sober state, we discused the pictures and situations I was in and how it fits. The first session is often expected to have poor results with no visions and possible interpretations, but I somehow did well (as he said) and told a lot of things. There is just about 50-60% of the content in this post, not all detail are mentioned. 

Three weeks have passed since my first hypnotic session and I still feel ok. Relieved. That's the main word to describe my state. I don't feel the corrupted world sitting on my shoulders all the time. I have less unsorted streams of thoughts, I'm less distracted, my mind works better, I manage work faster and easier and in the spare time I do what I like - I learn to trade forex intra-daily - and my results and market analyses improved. I feel genarally more hopeful about my life and that it will all develop the way I want. Relief. Huge relief. I feel less anxious in interpersonal contact and generally I stress myself much less about anything.

Sorry for mistakes and typos, there must be tons of it
Think whatever you want, I am not bullsh1tting you (I won't make such effort to do this), this is what happened to me and I am being honest with good will that this could help others. What I felt especially good with was the fact that the hypnotist knows me precisely from the horoscope... he has proven it the first hour I was there. I felt safe and I was sure that he knows what there is to fix.

My second hypnotic session takes place at the end of january. I can keep on sharing my next experiences, if just some of you won't think this is nonsense. I believe this is the least painful way to cope with anxieties and various disorders, no matter what your religious and esoterical beliefs are, you should try it... even if you are 100% materialist/realist/scientist - AFAIK this method has still not been accepted by scientists in the fields of psychology and psychiatry. It really helped me to feel better and also the experience matters, it's really, really very interesting and safe thing to try. If only I knew about hypnotherapy before I started to spend money on med-business and classical psychotherapists...


----------



## lala24 (Dec 3, 2011)

wow, this sounds really cool. I'm sure hypnotism can really help with anxiety if you find someone who knows what they are doing. Where is this hypnotist located? I would really love to go to one but I don't know how to find a good one. I would also love to hear how your other sessions go


----------



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

lala24 said:


> wow, this sounds really cool. I'm sure hypnotism can really help with anxiety if you find someone who knows what they are doing. Where is this hypnotist located? I would really love to go to one but I don't know how to find a good one. I would also love to hear how your other sessions go


this hypnotist is located in europe (and he does not speak english), quite far from TN. but I'm sure there must be some hypnotist around. you will find if you ask around and search. I really like his approach and his precision in astrology, I consider this helpful, he knows more about me from looking in my eyes and looking in the aspects, this has shrunk 15 hours of explaining in classical psychotherapy into a single hour where he talked and was right...

Anyway, I'm done with second session and I feel again better. I start to believe that listening to positive suggestions in hypnotic state strongly rewrites the patterns you blindly and involuntarily follow for years... Will post more about it soon.


----------



## borbiusle (Sep 26, 2009)

The part where you said you took LSD and have also done hypnotherapy kinda interested me. I've had a brief stint with hallucinogens (ayahuasca specifically) and saw things that horrified me, much like opening up a portal into a demonic version of this world. I'm interested in trying hypnotherapy but I know at some point, I might very well have to face whatever I "saw", and the mere thought of this terrifies me. I'd like to know if anything difficult you saw during your LSD trip popped up in your hypnotherapy session, and if so, how do you deal with something like that?


----------



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

I faced more difficult issues in the hypnotic regression (plague, murders, wars) than I faced on LSD (ego death and facing the fear itself which all turned out to be brain construct and I could easily let go these bad visions and reorient to something different and less uncomfortable). I didn't try ayahuasca yet, but it is in my list.) 

Nothing from what I saw on acid popped out in the hypnotherapy, these are a bit different worlds. I just mentioned LSD in relation of experiencing an altered state, which is very helpful for further orientation and 'accepting' the hypnotic state and not fighting it, flowing easier with it. Acid has learned me that fighting anything makes things worse and it is better to 'go with the stream' and 'letting things go'.

There was always significant emotional detachment from what I went through in the hypnosis. I saw people dying and burning dead bodies on the streets and it did literally nothing to my emotions, I was just an observer. From my point of view there is nothing to fear of - so far. I had two sessions, six more are there to come, I may change my mind in the future 

I haven't had a real bad trip like those I read about on the net. I had moments of fear, paranoia and so on but it were just 30-60 minute episodes during the trip, the rest of it was always OK... So actually I never ever had a bad trip. There were some frightening episodes, but that's the way it should be - you learn nothing as long as everything is alright and fun. Hypnotherapy has shown me very tough scenes (looking into a barrel of a gun) but it was like an RPG - you feel nothing when your character is hurt. Also in the hypnosis (perhaps the experience with altered states and hallucinogens helped) it was easy to switch between conscious and hypnotic state. The awareness that you are actually laying in warm bed in civilized world of 21st century is killing the thrill that you may have experienced from living in the times of plague or famine. You always know it is just a movie projected by your subconscious. The hypnotist said that some people have trouble facing the hypnotic visions, some patients panic (just low percentage) and want to wake up back to conscious state, but this is not our case for sure, since we have already seen things...


----------



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

I'm done with second session. I've looked into three past lives. I am bit lazy to write thoroughly about it, it was all very detailed like a proper RPG game. In the first life I was a farmer in the middle of nowhere. I was living in a wooden house where nothing was happening for months. The hypnotist was able to shift me back and forth on the timeline, so I could see in few minutes what has happened in that entire life. I was born in that wooden home, my mother bled out right after my birth. Father left the house (war I guessed) when I was around 10 and managed to get me a nanny. It was totally boring life where nothing happened, I just took care about the farm and sold some products in the town nearby which was struck by plague. I saw dead people laying and burning on the street with black stains on their bodies. I left the town (luckilly? healthy) and died in my farm house. I was emotionally detached from what was happening in the hypnosis although it was horrifying, actually I was really happy realizing that this is an alternate reality and I am laying in a cozy bed of the 21st century and that I will wake up and go post crap on the internet and listen to heavy metal... which I could not do in the times of plague.

Second life was different story, I was rich owner of a company that manufactures steel and rail during the industrialization of the US. I was also hiring workers for building the railway. I had high social status, both my kids were attending prestigious college and I was respected by other citizens. Unfortunately some of the workers were dying during the works and I was blackmailed and threatened by some of the bereaved. I solved this by giving them what they want. I had moral dilemma about all that I was doing, rich entrepreneur exploiting cheap labor in brutal conditions, but I excused it by "someone else would do that in my place anyway". 

Third life was a bit short, I was already a bit tired and nothing special was happening. I was a buddhist monk somewhere in the far east. I was fat and my students were mocking me, but still they were listening to what I learned them and I really did not care about my ego at all, I was just happy that I have knowledge to pass on for future generation, in the same way as I got it from my teacher.

So this were the tree lives in 90 minutes, in the next 30 minutes I was listening to suggestions how strong, successful, confident, calm, happy, focused and full of energy I am. These suggestions were recorded into my mp3 player. The record contained the hypnotising countdown preparation phase, the suggestions, and the waking up phase. I was told that it would be good to listen to this record 3-4 times per week. I found it really helpful listening to this record of suggestions each alternate day I came exhausted and disgusted from the messy code and IT systems I deal with at work.

Interesting karma. I began to understand why women hate me, I killed my mother so I had to experience hate and bullying from my own mother in this life...

Personally I feel better, I am still not an extrovert seeking company and hyperactively talking to everybody (I don't even want to be that!). I have still reserved attitude to people and society (as most people are pain in the *** and I am far far away from mainstream culture - I have no common topics to talk about with the majority). Experience with past lives gives a different perspective to the current life. I realize that it is not so bad in this time and place after all. Anxious and nervous feelings in the stomach almost completely disappeared. There are still 6 sessions ahead as my hypnotherapist says and I do observe improvement already after two sessions. There's no usage of chemical products of profit seeking pharma corps, it is just rewriting subconscious program and it works and it's an interesting experience. I like that.

I hope it provides helpful information to people thinking of trying hypnotherapy or trips to past lives. If you have any questions or suggestions of things to focus on don't hesitate to post these...

Sorry for my english...


----------



## engram (Jul 1, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> Okay, I'm going to have to mention this:
> 
> Pretty much all professional hypnotherapists will not work with anyone who is under the influence of LSD or any other form of drug.


I am not under the influence when I attend hypnotherapy. I have taken a break from hallucinogens for more than 6 months before the first session. I planned it this way myself.



joinmartin said:


> It is worth noting that Engram's experiences are not typical of what people experience in hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is not like being on drugs.


It is totally different state from being on drugs. It is an altered state of consciousness. Sorry if it appears from my descriptions like 'being on drugs', this was not an intention. I have no option to compare my experiences with numerous experiences of others, only with one experience of my girlfriend who went to the same hypnotherapist and had very similar experience as I did - "past life" fashion.



joinmartin said:


> You will, in most cases, not "have to face hypnotic visions". Again, if you feel you may have deeply buried stuff to deal with see a professional about this and maybe incorporate some other kind of therapy into the mix so you can really deal with this.


I am seeing a certified professional for hypnotherapy. Perhaps mentioning his interest in astrology lowered his credit. I tried psychotherapy with different therapists who had slight differences in their approach but results I get with hypnotherapy outdo all the psychotherapists together.


----------

