# Suicidal thoughts on Citalopram?



## Desmond1990 (Jan 23, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I have been taking Citalopram 20mg per day (aka Celexa) for a little under three weeks now. I am taking them because I have been depressed for several years of my life.

So far, I haven't seen any positive changes in my mood. I have however, been going through some pretty tough situations at uni, which seems to have sparked some pretty dark thoughts in the last three days or so. I've been feeling significantly more suicidal and have felt the overwhelming need to start self-harming again. I actually did end up self-harming on monday when an argument with my girlfriend made me feel 1000 times worse than I already was.. 

Obviously suicidal thoughts are a known side effect of Citalopram, but my question is: Will this feeling pass?.. or is citalopram just not working for me? To be honest, I don't really want to tell my GP, just in case she takes me off it and these last few weeks will have been for nothing.

Other than suicidal thoughts, I'm not really experiencing any other side effect at all (apart from INCREASED libido).. and to be honest, I have had suicidal thoughts for most of my life.. so it's nothing new, and I feel like I can hang on with it for a few more weeks if I have to.

Can anyone give me any advice? Will the suicidal thoughts lift when the positive effects start, or do I need to try a different medication all together?

EDIT: I should also add that my doctor really doesn't seem to give a crap about me. She completely rejected an explanation/description of my depression when I first saw her, she just did a stupid test, and immediately printed a prescription for Citalopram, 20mg. I just feel like she doesn't give a damn, and wouldn't really give a crap if I went to her with any concerns (which is why I'm asking you guys here on SAS). She didn't even tell me there WERE any side effects for Citalopram!!.. I had to find that out on my own!..


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

Judging by the what you told me, it doesn't seem like the citalopram is causing the suicidal thoughts. If you've hurt yourself before, and you're going through a rough patch, it could just be the depression. Think of it this way. Are you in a period of your life where you feel like you would be hurting yourself anyway?

On the other hand, if it really is the citalopram causing suicidal thoughts, this could be really bad.

Did you notice a distinct difference in your thought patterns or emotions since going on citalopram? If not, I would guess it's just your depression. I'm not a medical professional, and really encourage you to take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I don't think citalopram is causing your suicidal thoughts.


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## Desmond1990 (Jan 23, 2012)

wxolue said:


> Think of it this way. Are you in a period of your life where you feel like you would be hurting yourself anyway?...Did you notice a distinct difference in your thought patterns or emotions since going on citalopram? If not, I would guess it's just your depression. I'm not a medical professional, and really encourage you to take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I don't think citalopram is causing your suicidal thoughts.


To be honest, I think my depression has got slightly worse since taking citalopram, but so has my life lol!.. so it's probably just me being me.. It's impossible to tell, I guess. I am pretty sure that my thought patterns are the same, although I have probably been calling myself names, and taking people 'ignoring' me to heart a little bit more than usual.

Although, I have never thought SO seriously about suicide as much as I have this week. I have also never self-harmed in a visible area, although I did the other day..

I tend to be fine as long as I have someone else around to keep my mind off it, but when I'm on my own it comes straight back.


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

Is this just me or should medicine actually help people and not make them worse? Why even take this **** if it increases the chance of killing yourself?
I think if I was a doctor I couldn't prescribe SSRI with a clean conscience.


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## pixies (Oct 28, 2009)

SSRI's are just like that. It is worse in younger people, especially 21 and less. Some doctors don't prescribe certain SSRI's to young people any more because of this, but obviously there are exceptions.

A lot of these drugs take a long time to kick in, but not does it take time for them to start working, but it takes time for the negative effects to fade too. It is usually around 3 months for some of the SSRI's, which sucks... But if you can last that long, then usually the negative effects and thoughts will stop happening, and the positive effects will start, and then things get good 

You should always remember that it's a risky thing though. If you get more suicidal thoughts, you have to remember that it's not your natural real thoughts, it's the medication screwing with your brain. So try to reject it! If you reject the thoughts it really helps. Hopefully in time it will get better, and if not, then you should go and see your doc and try a different drug or a different approach. For me, when trying a new drug, the first 1-3 weeks are usually hell, and then things start to settle down. But even then, it still takes another month or so until things start to actually feel good.


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## norad (Oct 24, 2011)

That is a real problem.

What do you do if you're totally depressed but simply cannot afford taking something which might help but will make you feel even more depressed for weeks? What if you simply cannot do that cause you need to feel better as fast as possible in order to work and function?


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## pixies (Oct 28, 2009)

norad said:


> That is a real problem.
> 
> What do you do if you're totally depressed but simply cannot afford taking something which might help but will make you feel even more depressed for weeks? What if you simply cannot do that cause you need to feel better as fast as possible in order to work and function?


I don't know. For me I had to stop working and claim unemployment money from the govenment. It took me a few weeks of feeling like hell and then the pills started to work. And even then it was weak. It was more like 3 months before they kicked in.

Although when I was younger I was on a different drug and that was great, it worked in about 2 weeks and didn't make me feel bad in those first weeks.


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## lightune (Jul 2, 2013)

Hi there,

I understand that this is a late reply so your original problem, but I thought I'd shine some light on the situation I've been facing with Citalopram 20mg.

I started this medication last week. The dose was to be 20mg daily. I understood that this would cause some side-effects, but overall I was assured that even though starting at 20mg is a big step (most people start anywhere from 5-10mg), I would be absolutely fine and have no problems other than a bit of sickness. With that in mind, off I went with my new tablets and started taking them that night.

The following day, I felt quite queasy. I was a little bit spaced and not myself. I felt pains in my lower abdomen, which is because this is where the Serotonin is released from. I researched this and found that this sort of pain was normal, so I forgot about it and carried on my daily intake.

One of my problems had always been my temper, my mood swings and my constant ability to find a bad thing out of a positive situation. For the good of my relationship, this was the reason I started this medication.

As time grew on and I reached day number 4/5, I felt sub-human. By this, I felt like somebody else. It was like someone had taken my emotions and burnt them, leaving me with an empty body that's living, but idle. That phase lasted a day and I went out with some friends that evening. Even though you don't EVER drink on this medication, I did. I found myself excessively drunk on Friday night and fell out of the taxi when I got home. I was carried to bed by a sibling and my father.

The next day was a typical hangover phase, but this day more importantly I went without the pill because I thought my sickness was bad enough without that adding to it. Arguments with my partner were increasing and I hadn't seen her in over a week, after spending a solid week with her away on holiday. We returned home to an overwhelming situation of anger and disappointment from each other. Saturday was the crucial day that things went down hill.

After popping out with a friend on Saturday night, I returned home and woke up the next day feeling like I had a job to do. It was as if I was trying to talk myself out over what was about to come later on. I did some idle tasks, returned home and sat on my bed. The final argument was the peach that kinda toppled my over the edge. My girlfriend stated she wanted nothing more to do with me, even though the full relationship was spent caring for her, not for me. Everything was always for her, not for me. Even still, she constantly hurt me and left me disappointed. I loved this girl more than words can ever say.

Before I even understood what I did, I had consumed 3 sleeves of Tramadol 100mg Slow Release tablets. The second after I consumed them, I knew I did the wrong thing. I knew that the decision I had just made wasn't made by me and that something was wrong. I was rushed into hospital and nearly died. The next day after passing my psych evaluation, I was allowed home. 

I suffered from a racing heart, a blood pressure in excess of 180/60 and every time I closed my eyes, I felt myself drifting off as my oxygen levels fell rapidly and I thought my heart was going to stop beating. It was the single most horrifying and saddest moment I've ever experienced, both what I went through and seeing the effects on my parents, my brother and my partner.

I asked myself, 'Why did this happen? You've never thought of anything like this before in your life, you're not stupid, why did you do this to yourself?' I researched this question and found my answer, Citalopram. 

I had problems with depression, feeling low, general life deprivations. But after researching this tablet, I strongly believe that it was poisoning me, it disabled me and that it caused my mind to think that what I was about to do was perfectly fine. 

I urge anyone, looking at this or thinking about trying an anti-depressant to seriously, evaluate your life and everything involved in it, and ask yourself, is it that bad? This tablet will turn you upside down. Nobody knows how it will affect an individual. You have people saying it's amazing, I'm telling you it's not. I'm telling you that because due to this overwhelming release of Serotonin, I came crashing down and tried to kill myself. A thought I've never had before and would never dream of having.

My relationship is over, my parents think I'm crazy and my medical records will now stop me getting specific jobs I wanted. Please, if you're going through ****, speak out, get help and try to feel better before pumping yourself with chemicals. Sometimes, definitely in my situation, it does more harm than good. Just remember, everything can be fixed in one way or another, but nothing can be fixed if you're not here. Not only will you be broken, but everyone that has any involvement in your life will be dismantled and it will ruin their life as well as yours if you try to self harm and succeed. 

I count myself as one of the luckiest people alive. I didn't want to die, but I nearly did and I knew that every second throughout my time in hospital, and even now. I know that if it wasn't for the team of doctors and nurses surrounding me, I would've been dead. 

Yes, my partner has left me and yes, I feel down and upset, but ultimately, this is my life. I have my friends, I have my parents and I have myself. People may move on with their lives, find partners and live happily ever after. That's great for them, but unfortunately that's not your life. You just need to make it your life. It gives you a goal to work towards and ultimately, focussing on something else will make you think a year down the line, 'what was I even worried about?' Emotions can be replaced. I know how much love can break your heart and I've realised that first hand. But that wasn't my only problem. I was in a dead-end job, I had debt coming from my arse, I had no ambition and a lot of things never worked out as they should've. But this is the worst thing that can happen to me, me dying. And that's something I don't want to happen. 

If anyone has any personal questions about anything to do with Citalopram emotions or even what it's like to physically go through suicide, then feel free to comment or message me. I'd rather have you know first hand, than you trying to live this experience for yourself. Learn from my mistakes so you don't have to make them.

Brandon.


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## Billius (Aug 7, 2012)

It might be the anti dopamine effects(maybe?). When I used ssris I got suicidal out of boredom.


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