# No Such Thing as Love....



## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

It's just convenient to have someone else there in our home so we don't realize how alone we actually are. Or, for some people, relationships are made for the sake of kids - so the next generation can be tricked into thinking that their parents have some magical bond called love. 

For any one person there are many matches, there is no reason 2 people would need each other forever, they will eventually get sick of each other and leave. Or if they don't leave it's because being a roommate with someone is better than being completely alone, not because the other person is so wonderful...........

I could go on but you get the idea. Love is a lie sold to us by society/books/movies...... :bash:bash I'm in a really bad mood!


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

I don't think love is a lie. I DO think the general _ideal_ of love peddled onto the populace has been _extremely_ distorted, though.

My parents are both around fifty years old, give or take a few years - they've been married for about thirty years. They are still happily married, and happily living together. They don't look young and sexy anymore, but they still love each other. Also, there are whole communities of people that are full of happily married couples until the end of their days.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such difficulty right now.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Love is an escape from life's turmoil. It's the people you turn toward when being industrious gives you headaches.

For some, it's a meaningless decoration because they refuse to pursue headaches in the first place, but that kind of life can be very lonely.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

Love is a chemical reaction. When people fall in love, their brain's serotonin levels go down, and dopamine levels go up. This is similar to what cocaine does and produces a euphoric feeling. From what I hear it is a great feeling. I hope I will experience it someday.


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## monkeymagic86 (Jun 5, 2009)

I just had a bad breakup so at the moment i reckon theres no such thing as love. I think that its all just lust.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

Yes, there is a chemical reaction involved and a stare involved but is that the essence of the thing or simple the sketch it draws in the person? The reflection of the feeling.

Love can be confused with and merged with lust, infatuation and all the rest of its children. But it remains the most powerful force in the universe. But then, I am a spiritual person. The psychological parasites make it their forte to obscure people's abilities to see love and the expression of love around them in their environment. They even make it difficult for people to appreciate, understand and feel the love being shown to them by various people. Hatred is such an intense feeling that it stands as a form of love as well as its opposite.

Love can be destructive. It's like handling a flame orb. Very warm and comforting in the right, stable hands and circumstances. A dangerous presence in other circumstances. But we are mortal and we make mistakes and circumstances fall on us like waves. So we can't blame ourselves forn the emotional cycles and feeling down sometimes.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Just because you don't spend forever with someone doesn't mean you didn't or in some cases don't love them. Any way you look at the definition I was in love with my first boyfriend until his insanity pushed me over the edge. If I wasn't I wouldn't have tried so hard to stay with him, help him, and make it work. Eventually though I had been put through too much to care and my feelings died. I also had a boyfriend I didn't love. He was nice, I cared about him, I'm sorry it turned out the way it did but I never loved him. He was there to lessen loneliness and have sex and that was always it in my mind. Now I love my husband. Will this last until the day we die? No clue and don't care. Even if it doesn't I still love him right now and right now is all that matters.

My sister was in love with her best friend since kindergarten. Our mom did not approve cause he is very lazy and has no desire for a high paying job. My sister gave under pressure and had sex with someone else the day she broke up with him. Over the next 5 years she's had a fiance (planned 2 years for the wedding and ended it 2 months before) and a boyfriend. Now she realizes she never stopped having feelings for her friend and they are starting to talk through things. 

Even when 2 people love each other sometimes things get in the way and over the years people change so that they stop being as compatible or go through stages of not being compatible. Like I said in the other thread love is fluid and ever changing. That doesn't make it wrong or invalid. It just means you have to live for and enjoy the moment since there is no gurantee it will last.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I agree.


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## Same Difference (Aug 26, 2010)

Love is a combination of lust, peer pressure and the need to feel secure. It's the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I'm with the OP and Same Difference ^.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

There are different forms of love. blah


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Akane said:


> Just because you don't spend forever with someone doesn't mean you didn't or in some cases don't love them. Any way you look at the definition I was in love with my first boyfriend until his insanity pushed me over the edge. If I wasn't I wouldn't have tried so hard to stay with him, help him, and make it work. Eventually though I had been put through too much to care and my feelings died. I also had a boyfriend I didn't love. He was nice, I cared about him, I'm sorry it turned out the way it did but I never loved him. He was there to lessen loneliness and have sex and that was always it in my mind. Now I love my husband. Will this last until the day we die? No clue and don't care. Even if it doesn't I still love him right now and right now is all that matters.
> 
> My sister was in love with her best friend since kindergarten. Our mom did not approve cause he is very lazy and has no desire for a high paying job. My sister gave under pressure and had sex with someone else the day she broke up with him. Over the next 5 years she's had a fiance (planned 2 years for the wedding and ended it 2 months before) and a boyfriend. Now she realizes she never stopped having feelings for her friend and they are starting to talk through things.
> 
> Even when 2 people love each other sometimes things get in the way and over the years people change so that they stop being as compatible or go through stages of not being compatible. Like I said in the other thread love is fluid and ever changing. That doesn't make it wrong or invalid. It just means you have to live for and enjoy the moment since there is no gurantee it will last.


I agree that there's value in experiencing love in the moment, even if it doesn't last.

What I don't understand is how anyone can enjoy it without feeling overwhelmed by the fear of impending loss. I *know* the vast majority of relationships don't last more than a few months to a year, so I just don't see myself getting into one and not obsessing over how painful the eventual breakup will be. It would consume my thoughts on a daily basis and probably make me more miserable than I am now.

Let's face it: ignorance is bliss. People who are capable of pushing cold, hard truths out of their minds and living in the moment are damn lucky. It must be some sort of inherent trait. Look at you: you're just as aware of the statistics and the reality of things as I am, but apparently it doesn't bother you somehow.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

anomalous said:


> I agree that there's value in experiencing love in the moment, even if it doesn't last.
> 
> What I don't understand is how anyone can enjoy it without feeling overwhelmed by the fear of impending loss. I *know* the vast majority of relationships don't last more than a few months to a year, so I just don't see myself getting into one and not obsessing over how painful the eventual breakup will be. It would consume my thoughts on a daily basis and probably make me more miserable than I am now.


I feel this. Except it seems that the value of experiencing love is equivalent to that of watching a sunrise or a good movie, finished off with a large dose off emotional pain. Which is why I don't think I will ever attempt a romantic relationship again after me and my boyfriend break up (inevitably).



Same Difference said:


> Love is a combination of lust, peer pressure and the need to feel secure. It's the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.


QFT.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Same Difference said:


> Love is a combination of* lust*, peer pressure and the need to *feel secure*. It's the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.


Two out of three ain't bad.

My *bold*


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

Akane said:


> Even when 2 people love each other sometimes things get in the way and over the years people change so that they stop being as compatible or go through stages of not being compatible. Like I said in the other thread love is fluid and ever changing. That doesn't make it wrong or invalid. It just means you have to live for and enjoy the moment since there is no gurantee it will last.


For some reason the idea of impermanence really depresses me. If people come and go so easily do they even matter? The idea that people exist to better me/make me grow/make me feel good for a couple months seems selfish and empty.



Cyber Lume said:


> I don't think love is a lie. I DO think the general _ideal_ of love peddled onto the populace has been _extremely_ distorted, though.
> 
> My parents are both around fifty years old, give or take a few years - they've been married for about thirty years. They are still happily married, and happily living together. They don't look young and sexy anymore, but they still love each other. Also, there are whole communities of people that are full of happily married couples until the end of their days.


I wish I lived in one of these communities, if they exist.

My initial response though is - just because someone is happy and married does not mean they love their partner. Maybe they just like having another person around (could be anyone) and they like the financial benefits.


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

"Love is just a word." Or so they say.

Define love. For some definitions, it exists. For others, it does not.

If you're thinking of the glass slippers definition, that probably falls into the latter category.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

Most people worry some about how it will end even after everything has gone great for years. However aside from in the situation of a really long marriage ending most also are secure enough to accept being alone for a short time at least and most know that won't last either so they get through it. You won't spend forever alone and you won't spend forever with someone. You get happy and sad moments of both. Some people also enjoy dating various people. Some are addicted to the feeling of a new relationship and can't wait for the next one to start. There really don't seem to be that many people who obsess about the end for one of those reasons. Especially the more relationships you experience. It also helps if you have friends to hang out with between relationships so you don't feel as alone or rely on a partner as much. It helps make your relationships more successful as well.

It's kind of like saying since you will die eventually you might as well not do anything that would make yourself happy while your alive. Sure a few take that point of view but it's easy to see why that doesn't work. Death will happen eventually but it doesn't keep you from having fun now. Difference is death is permanent where being single usually isn't life long provided you make some attempts to change it.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

I could go there sometimes. However, my parents have been married forever. They bicker a lot, but they still love eachother. I can tell. They're a good couple. 

Love expands beyond romantic too. Not what your talking about, I know. But I know love exists, because I love.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

When you've known someone for a long time it seems wrong to leave them to their own devices. I couldn't leave my family and I couldn't leave some of my friends that I've experienced so much with. I think love is somewhat correlated into that feeling—you care a lot about someone even when you may not realize it up front.


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

> I wish I lived in one of these communities, if they exist.


They do exist, because I _live _in one of them. Or did, rather - since my social anxiety hit a high point, I've kind of avoided them and everyone else.

And just because someone is married and happy for a long time doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, either.

I think the problem with most failed relationships is _selfishness_. I could see why younger people have problems - they are still going through stages of their life where they are developing, and who you are with when they are 18 is not necessarily who they will be when they are 25. I can see that. But all these excuses people are posting seem to be about all about themselves.

Yes, sometimes things get in the way - but it is up to _you_ to try to work through them. And if your partner doesn't want to try, then, yes, break up. Your relationship _will _go nowhere if both parties don't want to do anything to keep it alive. A fire doesn't stay alive if you don't tend to it, and neither will your love.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

Belshazzar said:


> Define love. For some definitions, it exists. For others, it does not.
> 
> If you're thinking of the glass slippers definition, that probably falls into the latter category.


Romantic love, specifically that which lasts a lifetime. Not sure if that is what you consider glass slippers.... but if it doesn't last a lifetime seems it would just be considered infatuation.



bwidger85 said:


> When you've known someone for a long time it seems wrong to leave them to their own devices. I couldn't leave my family and I couldn't leave some of my friends that I've experienced so much with. I think love is somewhat correlated into that feeling-you care a lot about someone even when you may not realize it up front.


You are lucky to have friends and family that you could never leave. My family lives 9 hours away from me, and I have moved 10 times already. Friends have always come and gone, and maybe that's why it feels so distressing that love would be the same way. People just come and go and seem to lack importance.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

Cyber Lume said:


> They do exist, because I _live _in one of them. Or did, rather - since my social anxiety hit a high point, I've kind of avoided them and everyone else.


Where is this? If you don't mind me asking. Or where would one be?


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

Akane said:


> Some people also enjoy dating various people. Some are addicted to the feeling of a new relationship and can't wait for the next one to start.


So the trick is to disregard the fact that you are breaking up? Just date, break up, date, break up, repeat and only pay attention to how good you feel when you find a new person?



> It's kind of like saying since you will die eventually you might as well not do anything that would make yourself happy while your alive. Sure a few take that point of view but it's easy to see why that doesn't work. Death will happen eventually but it doesn't keep you from having fun now. Difference is death is permanent where being single usually isn't life long provided you make some attempts to change it.


Not quite... When I die I will not be able to look back on life and wish I had it back. When I break up I will look back and wish I had someone who cares about me and likes me and vice versa to go through life with. I might as well try to enjoy life whereas trying to be in a lasting relationship may cause more pain than happiness.

It is distressing to me that people come and go faster than I need a new pair of shoes. Are people no more connected to me than shoes? They get old and then I move on?


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

> Where is this? If you don't mind me asking. Or where would one be?


You may not like the answer...but that's my church community. And YES, there are a lot of lasting, loving relationships there, but NOT because people are afraid to deviate from religion. I can't stand the image people have of church people quivering under the weight of their Bible and the "wrath" of their God. (Actually, it's ridiculously funny when I write it out...) But I digress.

I have heard that not all churches are like that - in my experience, the smaller the church, the better.


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

Cyber Lume said:


> You may not like the answer...but that's my church community. And YES, there are a lot of lasting, loving relationships there, but NOT because people are afraid to deviate from religion. I can't stand the image people have of church people quivering under the weight of their Bible and the "wrath" of their God. (Actually, it's ridiculously funny when I write it out...) But I digress.
> 
> I have heard that not all churches are like that - in my experience, the smaller the church, the better.


If only I could bring myself to believe in a religion....


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Great. said:


> If only I could bring myself to believe in a religion....


LOL. My thoughts exactly.

Hopefully this isn't derailing the thread too much, but I feel like some of my religious friends have it a bit easier in this department. Specifically, I have a few friends who aren't that much more attractive, confident, or socially-accepted than myself (and that's not saying much), yet they've dated and even married smokin'-hot girls. How? IMO, largely because they're part of a tight-knit community (Mormonism in one case, evangelical sects in the others) where both genders are pressured from day one to value traditional/moral personality traits over raw attractiveness. That is to say, it's a lot more likely for the "good guys" (and gals) to win in a highly-religious community.

It makes me jealous for about five seconds sometimes when I think about it... and then I realize most of these folks probably live their lives struggling to suppress the same raw emotions and elements of attraction that secular society embraces. In the end, I guess I'd rather be miserable in a reality-based world than well-off yet conflicted in a fantasy world.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

> It is distressing to me that people come and go faster than I need a new pair of shoes. Are people no more connected to me than shoes? They get old and then I move on?


i know the feeling. people are connected to you through the memories you form with them and the things you learned from them. of course this is true of shoes as well, but hopefully less so.


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

> Hopefully this isn't derailing the thread too much, but I feel like some of my religious friends have it a bit easier in this department. Specifically, I have a few friends who aren't that much more attractive, confident, or socially-accepted than myself (and that's not saying much), yet they've dated and even married smokin'-hot girls. How? IMO, largely because they're part of a tight-knit community (Mormonism in one case, evangelical sects in the others) where both genders are pressured from day one to value traditional/moral personality traits over raw attractiveness. That is to say, it's a lot more likely for the "good guys" (and gals) to win in a highly-religious community.
> 
> It makes me jealous for about five seconds sometimes when I think about it... and then I realize most of these folks probably live their lives struggling to suppress the same raw emotions and elements of attraction that secular society embraces. In the end, I guess I'd rather be miserable in a reality-based world than well-off yet conflicted in a fantasy world.


...Pressured? Uh, no. Maybe it was just because I was raised in a religious community, but I have never felt pressured to value traditional/moral personality traits over raw attractiveness, and nor should you. I only do what I think is right - and if I happen to think the personality is more important than attractiveness, well, I don't think you have to be in a religious community to think that.

You make secular society sound so desirable for the average person raised in a religious group. Peculiar. Not that everything in secular society is bad or unenjoyable, but.... I don't see very many people longing to participate in every aspect of secular culture and just barely holding themselves back, crying themselves to sleep at night. XD

Honestly, I think their success rate has a lot more to do with their morals, but... That's just my opinion. I know most of you will disagree anyway, but since I'm a human being with an opinion that counts (Am I allowed to say that on a SA board?), there it is!


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

LOL. My thoughts exactly.

"Hopefully this isn't derailing the thread too much, but I feel like some of my religious friends have it a bit easier in this department. Specifically, I have a few friends who aren't that much more attractive, confident, or socially-accepted than myself (and that's not saying much),"

Well, it's an assumption based judgement so, in a way, it is saying much. You have a view of how attractive, confident etc you are and that's basically supported by a belief system. It's not objective. And neither is your assumption based judgement on how confident, attractive etc your friends are. 

"yet they've dated and even married smokin'-hot girls. How? IMO, largely because they're part of a tight-knit community (Mormonism in one case, evangelical sects in the others) where both genders are pressured from day one to value traditional/moral personality traits over raw attractiveness. That is to say, it's a lot more likely for the "good guys" (and gals) to win in a highly-religious community."

The belief system is challenged and countered and the belief systems needs an escape route. How did these people get to do things I think I can't do? Ah, it must be because they are religious. It could be for any number of reasons but it has to be because they are religious because that supports the negative belief system logic. Then a bunch of guesses about what it is like in those communities has to be made to support the assumption. All people in these communities are pressured to value moral personality traits over raw attractiveness (whatever that is).

People can't find personality traits sexy or attractive in the outside world. That idea simply does not compute with the belief system. Then there's a bunch of belief system based assumptions that "good guys" aren't attractive in the outside world and the only way they'd get good looking people to be with them in the religious community is because the girls in that community were taught to value personality traits. Phew, the negative belief system survives. 

"It makes me jealous for about five seconds sometimes when I think about it... and then I realize most of these folks probably live their lives struggling to suppress the same raw emotions and elements of attraction that secular society embraces. In the end, I guess I'd rather be miserable in a reality-based world than well-off yet conflicted in a fantasy world."

But that's just it, you're not miserable in a reality based world. You're miserable in a map of the world created by your own belief systems. We don't see the word "as it is" (however much the worshippers of the bleakness want that to be true). We have our own maps of the world inside our heads. That are tonnes of things that can counter and even sweep away those belief systems that hold you back and you don't cling to them because they're real or objective. Life is not a science experiment and none of us are one hundred percent objective. You cling to them because that's how you see the world and have seen it for a long time and to do anything else would cause a lot of conflict and choas in the life.

Something has become familiar. Doesn't make it true. Just makes it a negative constant companion.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

Love is real. Too real.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

i guessing you have never been in love


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Great. said:


> It's just convenient to have someone else there in our home so we don't realize how alone we actually are. Or, for some people, relationships are made for the sake of kids - so the next generation can be tricked into thinking that their parents have some magical bond called love.
> 
> For any one person there are many matches, there is no reason 2 people would need each other forever, they will eventually get sick of each other and leave. Or if they don't leave it's because being a roommate with someone is better than being completely alone, not because the other person is so wonderful...........
> 
> I could go on but you get the idea. Love is a lie sold to us by society/books/movies...... :bash:bash I'm in a really bad mood!


I'm not in a bad mood and I agree with your views on "love." 98% of the marriages I've witnessed, the people seemed miserable, like they were just putting up with each other. I know only one couple that withstood the test of time...


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## Dark Drifter (Sep 24, 2010)

I used to believe in love when I used to be some stupid 14 year old who thought it was possible for me to get a girlfriend and fall in love. I no longer believe in such stupid fairy tales because I realized there is no one meant for me. No girl will ever love me for the person that I am because I'm either an empty bus seat or some pathetic waste of fat that doesn't deserve to live. I used to think everyone was meant to be loved by that so-called special someone but that's just a load of lies now. So except for Natalie Horler, I don't care about girls or relationships anymore.

I've slowly accepted my fate as being some lone wanderer with no girlfriend, bit that doesn't exactly mean I'm happy about it. After all girls can't stand the sight of me or how ugly I am. What happened to loving a person for who they are inside? I ask you what happened to that idea? I'll tell you. It was nothing but some stupid lie people told children so they'd be ignorant of the truth behind love. I treat girls with love and respect but they don't love me back so why should I bother anymore?


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I understand what you're saying, and I've thought the same thing. I don't like how relationships just come and go so quickly, either, and maybe that's one reason I'm reluctant to put the effort into something, only to have it wasted. I can't think of a marriage where it seemed like the couple were in love. I'll take my parents, for example. They get along, though their personalities are very different. They are just roommates. My dad gets the benefit of the comfort of having someone nearby, while my mom has financial security. They say they love each other, but it's not the kind of love that I think you mean.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Mindset change - SA clouds everything. We have to reverse the thinking and become more optimistic.


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## ivankaramazov (Aug 22, 2009)

If there's no love, explain poetry.


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## jennlynne5 (Aug 6, 2010)

Love exists. It is not just a feeling. It is committing to someone for life. It is having a partner to experience life with - the joys & sorrows. It is having someone there for you no matter what & being there for them. People believe love isn't real because it is so distorted - like someone else said. When people say their wedding vows they claim it's for better or worse - but they really mean only for better. Most people seem to run away when things get bad. Real love is forever. As long as both people are completely devoted to each other it will work out. Unfortunately, most people aren't that devoted. But...I'm experiencing the best kind of love & it makes life worth living. It's worth searching your whole life to find that one person who will love & accept you for who you are.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

Love is the coolest thing on the face of the earth. I'd safely say that the best feeling I've ever had is Liverpool winning the european cup.
Oh crap, I meant to say "love".

But seriously mate, aye love exists. and its the nicest feeling you'll ever have. I hope you get to experience it one day. Its pretty much the only reason I bothered getting out of bed at times, in the past. Its a wonderful thing to experience.


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## princessorwhat (Mar 30, 2007)

Love definitely exists but I don't know if it exists for me. I don't seem to be very good at the relationship things although I have shared amazing moments with people. My longest relationship was close to 3 years...

I am not sure if I have loved anyone before. If yes, it was one person... but our circumstances were too different for it to work out.

I might be too independent and wrapped up in myself to actually love someone. I often keep a distance from people. Sad thought really. I am working at opening up more. I will work at that even harder...


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

ivankaramazov said:


> If there's no love, explain poetry.


 Poetry = People + Too much time on their hands :b


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

veron said:


> I'm not in a bad mood and I agree with your views on "love." 98% of the marriages I've witnessed, the people seemed miserable, like they were just putting up with each other. I know only one couple that withstood the test of time...


I know of more than a handful of people in my life that have developed successful relationships/marriage for years. My parents married right out of high school and were happy together (well they did bicker some, but what couple doesn't) for 30 years until my dad died. My 3 older siblings are married and doing very well.

Yes, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but there is the other 50 as well. There could indeed be some in the other 50 that are married and just putting up with each other every day, but from what I've seen, most people in my life/family are (seemingly) happily married.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

^Well that's good to hear. You must live in a different neighborhood than me, lol. My parents and grandparents are in miserable marriages. I have 5 close family members who have been divorced, some several times. My brother and I can't seem to find suitable mates either. It must be in the genes.


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## cubanscorpio (Jun 30, 2010)

I think love does exist. Are there gonna be problems in a relationship thru the years? of course. but if you're both smart enough and mature enough to know how to handle such problems fairly, and how to communicate effectively and compromise, then those problems will always be miniscule compared to the love and great times you will share with each other thru the years.


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## Want To Be Normal (Oct 31, 2010)

I don't really believe in love either. Sometimes I think "love" is for those people who are truly terrified of being alone and need someone to be with them.

I don't get why people would want one partner anyway for life, when there are so many people in the world and people are constantly changing.

I've tried being more optimistic and open to relationships, but every single time, I am the only one doing the work in the relationship and it never moves past the first stage of talking/getting to know one another, never even a date. I always put others ahead of myself and go out of my way for others, it's taken me a long time to realize I deserve the same treatment back from someone. I still don't believe it's ever possible for me either though, like you, I feel ugly and unlovable.

I think love is a myth that people trick themselves into believing.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Companionship validates who we are.

It can cost a lot, but if the chemistry is there, it's wonderful.


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## ChadsWick1234 (Oct 31, 2009)

Great. said:


> It's just convenient to have someone else there in our home so we don't realize how alone we actually are. Or, for some people, relationships are made for the sake of kids - so the next generation can be tricked into thinking that their parents have some magical bond called love.
> 
> For any one person there are many matches, there is no reason 2 people would need each other forever, they will eventually get sick of each other and leave. Or if they don't leave it's because being a roommate with someone is better than being completely alone, not because the other person is so wonderful...........
> 
> I could go on but you get the idea. Love is a lie sold to us by society/books/movies...... :bash:bash I'm in a really bad mood!


 I don't know what love is? I hope I find it before I die.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

People here seem to try and define it one way or another. Well, it is different for everyone. Some soulmates are happy forever, other couples are not. Some people are extremely content with the one person they love, others are not. And all for so many reasons I don't have the time to type them all down. Some people never find love, others do often. Some people love a person they will never be with. Some people love without being romantic. Love is a beautiful feeling of joy and care towards another human, be it romantic, family, friendship, or other. There is no defining answer except that love exists for most people in various ways.

Love - _noun, verb_*. *A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A sexual passion or desire. A beloved person; used as a term of endearment. In Tennis: a score of zero; nothing. To embrace and kiss, as a lover. To have sexual intercourse with; copulation. A love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour. Amore. Amor. Aşık. Liefde. Zamilovanost. Forelskelse. Armastus. Ai. Oi. Cinta. Rakkaus. Liebe. Ljubov. Szerelem. Sevdalı. Sagapo. Ahava. Ástfanginn. Kærlighed. Įsimylėjimas. Forelskelse. Miłość. Mīla.


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## jennlynne5 (Aug 6, 2010)

I hate how marriage has a bad reputation because so many end in divorce. Marriage is not the problem. People are the problem. People aren't committed enough to their marriage. There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage itself.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Love is infatuation. That is all it is.

Why do we infatuate? We do it because it ensures our genes to survive beyond our own generation and onto the next, etc. Everything in this world is motivated by self-interest. Even altrustic (selfless) behaviors are done to be reciprocated. You don't do favors for someone for too long if they don't reciprocate favors back (look up reciprocated altruism). People go to church to worship God because if they didn't they would be punished. People get into relationships not because it is beneficial to the other person but more because it is for them and for their genes. People don't join SA simply to help others, but also to reflect their thoughts and interests. Everything is done for selfish reasons, but that is normal. Being selfish is surviving, and if we are not, we do not surive and nor does our genes.

Love is infatuation. We love our family, our friends and lovers because it is beneficial to us in one way or the other. Family is important to most of us because of these reasons.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I was thinking about this again today. So this guy I am "dating" believes to be in love with me. He's said it many times and in many ways. But once he said that the only deal breaker might be if I did not want to marry him (which I will not). But if you're in love with someone, wouldn't you rather be with the person, and care less about security (financial, sexual, emotional)?



veron said:


> Poetry = People + Too much time on their hands :b


lol Has anyone ever told you you're romantic?


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I fell in love for the first time at 46. I guess I'm a believer now.


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## Surrender (Jul 19, 2010)

Doobie Bros. Long Train Running


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## Strategist (May 20, 2008)

solasum said:


> I was thinking about this again today. So this guy I am "dating" believes to be in love with me. He's said it many times and in many ways. But once he said that the only deal breaker might be if I did not want to marry him (which I will not). But if you're in love with someone, wouldn't you rather be with the person, and care less about security (financial, sexual, emotional)?


How long have you been going out? It has been my experience that if a guy says he loves you it's only a matter of time before that wears off.

But yeah, I've also felt that love, if it exists, would be an unfailing/unconditional thing. Not some intense but short lived confusion. And with deal-breakers.... he's saying there could be things about you he doesn't know that could completely change the way he feels around you. It doesn't sound like he loves or even knows the whole picture of you.

That's just my reaction to what he's said anyway, I'm no expert on these things.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

http://loveandrespect.com/


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## Shrinking Violet (Oct 11, 2010)

I would say that love is definitely real, but it comes in different forms. The joy of love is your brain and body saying that you're doing something that benefits your life. Most people are genetically programmed to feel love very strongly because our survival used to depend on having safe and strong social bonds. I think a lot of love today is a superficial variety though because people are emotionally immature and confused. I believe that true love requires a long time to develop, and a great deal of honesty and respect. The ultimate is when you can show your entire self to another person and be accepted and loved for who you are, and do that in return.


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## Selbbin (Aug 10, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Even altrustic (selfless) behaviors are done to be reciprocated. You don't do favors for someone for too long if they don't reciprocate favors back (look up reciprocated altruism).


That's not always true. I pay my flatmates rent, simply because he can't. I could find another flatmate or move out on my own easily enough, but I don't. Because it's cool to help him out and f it, I have the money. I don't expect the money back. I don't expect to get anything back. I don't even think about it. He doesn't even provide me with someone to talk to. Just sticks to his room.

The same goes for love. It's not always about gain, although I agree it often/mostly is. It's emotional. Often it does more harm than good. It's something that can't be turned of on a whim. Sometimes it's not about gain. Sometimes the giving is honestly never about getting anything back. I found out my ex is having trouble paying for food, so I want to call the place where she eats all the time to cover her bill. I know she will never know it was me and she never wants to see me again. But I love her and want to do it because of that love. Not to get anything out of it at all. Even a good feeling. I'd just feel worried to be honest. I don't know exactly why. But that's what love does.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Great. said:


> How long have you been going out? It has been my experience that if a guy says he loves you it's only a matter of time before that wears off.
> 
> But yeah, I've also felt that love, if it exists, would be an unfailing/unconditional thing. Not some intense but short lived confusion. And with deal-breakers.... he's saying there could be things about you he doesn't know that could completely change the way he feels around you. It doesn't sound like he loves or even knows the whole picture of you.
> 
> That's just my reaction to what he's said anyway, I'm no expert on these things.


We've been going out for several months. The fact that he would break up with me eventually if I never wanted to marry him indicates that he doesn't love me (I agree that if it exists, it is unconditional) - he really craves security.

In my hated oral expression class I'm taking, last week there was a discussion about love and how it changes one's behavior, etc. I didn't say anything the whole time, neither in a small group, nor in front of the class, until the end when the teacher asked me what I thought. I responded that I wasn't convinced that love exists, and gave a couple of reasons why. I think most of the class disagreed, saying it does exist and that I was a pessimist.


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## apartment7 (Aug 25, 2007)

Love exists but it gets tied up with too many other things. 

Personally, the greatest thing for me is loving a partner but I've learned that love has nothing to do with sex or co habiting or starting a family or sharing a mortgage. 

All those things work best with someone you love but some people get so obessed with them that they leave behind the truy important thing, love, and end up with an empty shell. I've seen it happen and I've been in situations where that could've happened to me.

I suppose you know you're in love with someone when you could happily be homeless and penniless with them and still be happy and not want anyone else. "Love makes no demands and isn't selfish". (if anybody has that full biblical quote they can post in full but those two lines always stayed with me as are so true).


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Everything in this world is motivated by self-interest. Even altrustic (selfless) behaviors are done to be reciprocated. You don't do favors for someone for too long if they don't reciprocate favors back (look up reciprocated altruism).


a friend of my dad's is a long time pilot. he has had a plane of some kind for years. anyway, he was taking off from a runway that was right next to a golf course. His engine died at the takeoff, meaning he was well in the air at the time, but had not reached proper altitude. being an experienced pilot, he did not just simply turn the plane - that woudl have caused it to flip over and crash hard into the ground. instead he used the rudder to guide it back around toward the runway. at that moment, he was over the golf course and two men in a golf cart drove right in front of him. In order to keep from crashing into the two gentlemen, he then instead turned the plane and crashed into the trees instead. He broke his back, but not so badly that he could not make a full recovery. If that ain't altruistic, I'm not sure what is.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I believe love exists.


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## Christa25 (Oct 2, 2010)

Love does exist. Love is an emotion, a feeling. You can't say how someone feels doesn't exist. I have been in love and it was the most beautiful feeling in the world. If love doesn't exist, then neither does hate or fear or any other emotion for that matter.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

leonardess said:


> a friend of my dad's is a long time pilot. he has had a plane of some kind for years. anyway, he was taking off from a runway that was right next to a golf course. His engine died at the takeoff, meaning he was well in the air at the time, but had not reached proper altitude. being an experienced pilot, he did not just simply turn the plane - that woudl have caused it to flip over and crash hard into the ground. instead he used the rudder to guide it back around toward the runway. at that moment, he was over the golf course and two men in a golf cart drove right in front of him. In order to keep from crashing into the two gentlemen, he then instead turned the plane and crashed into the trees instead. He broke his back, but not so badly that he could not make a full recovery. If that ain't altruistic, I'm not sure what is.


I agree with Bwidger that no action is selfless. I think this man took a risk to save those men because he would have felt terrible if they had died, and because he would hope that the same would be done for him were he one of the golfers.


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## pumapunku (Oct 29, 2010)

love does exist, is just a human word trying to explain that feeling a mother/father feels for a new born child.


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