# Fighting my online social anxiety



## ambivalentloner (Feb 2, 2012)

I've been absent from social media, forums, and other forms of social interaction online for years. I still lurked here and there, mainly reading what others have posted, but felt too anxious to say anything. I was afraid of being judged, being rejected, being embarassed, etc. I felt so isolated.

Now, I'm slowly getting myself back out there. I still get butterflies in my stomach and tend to hold my breath when I see that someone has replied to what I've posted, but hopefully that feeling will dissipate soon. I'm trying not to be a perfectionist when I type my responses and I'm also trying to be more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes.

It's just people talking to each other online. I need to chill.

Anyone else here who used to struggle with this? Or is it an ongoing battle for you?


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## CalvinCandie (Aug 1, 2016)

I have trouble with online discussion as well. I'll be able to post here and there, but for the most part, I feel like I don't have much to contribute. I feel this way because I'll read replies to a post and realize that they have already said what I was thinking of saying. It doesn't really matter though, not every comment has to be completely original or interesting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GenreSpooky (Jun 2, 2016)

I understand your concerns OP. I have problems at times socialising on video game consoles especially when it comes to talking over mics or webcams.

I decided to steer clear of Facebook recently as I felt it can denote negative energy. Not to mention the power some of these websites have to draw comparisons between yourself and someone more successful than you. I don't think it's healthy to do that. I feel much more at home on web forums. Although I sometimes use Twitter from time to time.


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## ambivalentloner (Feb 2, 2012)

Alpaca said:


> Ah dude, same way. I do post a lot more now but it still takes me damn long to actually get it out there because I'm constantly revising and editing it like I'm writing a f****** novel, as if I have some ancient wisdom to impart and s**t.
> 
> No lie, no matter how short the post is, I probably took my sweet a** time.


lol This is precisely what I did with this thread. Oh well, maybe someday we'll either get quicker/better at making posts or stop caring so much altogether. It's not like we're being graded on our posts. 



CalvinCandie said:


> I have trouble with online discussion as well. I'll be able to post here and there, but for the most part, I feel like I don't have much to contribute. I feel this way because I'll read replies to a post and realize that they have already said what I was thinking of saying. It doesn't really matter though, not every comment has to be completely original or interesting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is true for me as well. I need to remember my thoughts and ideas don't always have to be impressive nor do they have less value than everybody else's. Plus it feels nice to be a part of something even in a small way.



GenreSpooky said:


> I understand your concerns OP. I have problems at times socialising on video game consoles especially when it comes to talking over mics or webcams.
> 
> I decided to steer clear of Facebook recently as I felt it can denote negative energy. Not to mention the power some of these websites have to draw comparisons between yourself and someone more successful than you. I don't think it's healthy to do that. I feel much more at home on web forums. Although I sometimes use Twitter from time to time.


Yeah, sometimes I think other people are so much more eloquent when they write/speak and my attempts are complete garbage when you put them side-by-side. But I think the effort counts for something. Forums are more fun than FB any day.

Thanks for listening and sharing, guys.


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## Inescapable (Jun 2, 2016)

ambivalentloner said:


> Yeah, sometimes I think other people are so much more eloquent when they write/speak and my attempts are complete garbage when you put them side-by-side.
> 
> .


I feel the same way. But this isn't like some competition... I'm thinking do people look down on others who do not write/speak well?


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## tsal19 (Aug 10, 2016)

Same here just created my account today so hopefully ill get better at it as the time goes by!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Antiquated Mech (Jul 9, 2016)

Another person with the same issue here. It feels a bit strange, as I was relatively active on a couple of forums a few years back and had some good things come from the experience but now I find it so difficult for some reason. 

I commend everyone here for making the effort though.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I used to be very chatty and outgoing online, back in 2000. Would be posting on forums and replying to people and writing e-mails and commenting on other people's work all day long. Then I went through _so many_ repeated negative experiences I can't even list them all, people would think surely I'm exaggerating. But my luck socializing online has _really_ been that horrible.

So it's an ongoing battle for me, and with every day it just seems to get worse. For example it takes me months to reply to my one online friend (my one friend, period), *whom I've met in person twice*, if I even reply at all. She's never even been mean to me. People who aren't my friends, i. e., everyone else?--they're lucky if they ever hear from me even once.

This is what I have to show for 16 years socializing online. Scores of bad experiences, and one friend I'm usually too scared to write to.

Interacting online never gets any easier for me, only harder and more discouraging. Nothing I've tried has helped--my efforts always seem to end disastrously and just make me feel worse.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Yes! When i first started online gaming, i was afraid to chat much, especially in large chatrooms. A few years later, i completely annihilated 95% of my online anxiety. I still feel slight anxiety while posting here, and it took me about a month to gain the confidence to start a thread post. 

To be honest people arent judging/criticizing whoever makes posts in that manner. Its not like socializing in real life, because here people cant see your face, or judge you. And when they see a post they arent thinking "how weird" or anything like that. I use to feel that way, then i realised no one cares about that stuff.


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## TheWarrior (Jul 9, 2016)

lol that's funny, I feel like an extrovert person reading about introvert people's issues, haha.
I'm very outgoing online, unfortunately the same is not true for "real life" interactions, and that's why I'm here.

But yeah, when I started my life in online foruns I used to be kinda anxious everytime I would click on "Send". With time I got used to it.
I think the main difference between online and offline interactions is because here on the internet there are a lot of people like me, with similar hobbies, similar problems, etc. But in my daily life it's very different, most people I know has absolutely nothing to do with me. There's nothing I can relate to them.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

JacktheNewOne said:


> lol that's funny, I feel like an extrovert person reading about introvert people's issues, haha.
> I'm very outgoing online, unfortunately the same is not true for "real life" interactions, and that's why I'm here.


Same here lol. Its amazing.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Actually what has helped me in the past was to go on chats as anonymous.

You can screw up as many times as you want, and when you do, you get another nick. And the best part is there are no consequences when you screw up. It also takes almost all the pressure off of you when you know nothing will happen if you mess up the conversation.


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## bluehog9 (Nov 25, 2015)

I know just how you feel; On Facebook, for example, it's like I never know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I mean, it seems like people have different unwritten rules for how much each person is supposed to like things, where they should post and when, etc. I have developed a paranoia I guess you can say, where I feel that people could very well be talking about me and my posts behind the scenes, suggesting perhaps I shouldn't have replied to something, for example. This feeling is especially heightened when I see other people are being replied to, or replied to with more enthusiasm, while my posts (seem to be) just left there. It can generate some awkward feelings where I'm never quite sure what the appropriate way to address them is.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

sad1231234 said:


> To be honest people arent judging/criticizing whoever makes posts in that manner. Its not like socializing in real life, because here people cant see your face, or judge you. And when they see a post they arent thinking "how weird" or anything like that. I use to feel that way, then i realised no one cares about that stuff.


I've had numerous people criticize or outright ridicule my posting style, including on SAS. 

My earliest online memories (2000-2001) are of regulars on other forums picking apart my posts (I once _literally_ had somebody analyze an entire post of mine, as a public example of why I didn't belong there) and even trolling me off their sites. (And no, I might have gotten emotional at times but I myself was never a troll or troublemaker.) I would try hard to alter my posts to suit everyone else and would still get ridiculed. The strange thing is that my posts weren't too different from some of their posts, so that just confused me even more--I couldn't tell what it was I was doing "wrong."

This is one reason I'm too afraid to send chatty e-mails to people anymore, because I've gotten lots of criticism to "keep things shorter, nobody wants to slog through all that" (including from people I thought I was befriending/getting to know).

And it's a wonder I'm even still able to post on this forum with how often other users have snickered about what a "windbag" I am, or have replied with nothing more than "LOL, too long, didn't read it." -_-

(I just noticed this is the Triumphs subforum, so I guess I should not be sharing more of this here. I wish I had suggestions on how to fight online anxiety, but nothing for me has worked.)


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

tehuti88 said:


> I've had numerous people criticize or outright ridicule my posting style, including on SAS.


Everyone gets criticized and ridiculed. Often unjustly. You just have to accept that there are a lot of idiots in the world and everyone has their own opinion. You learn to learn to not care too much about other people's criticisms.

Try to imagine a world where everyone thinks you're an idiot...but you don't care. You just go on being you.

Other people's thoughts have no real power over you. Yet you've become a prisoner of the fear of other people's thoughts.

I believe that most things that are difficult to change about ourselves are really habits. It's not enough to understand that you should not care what others think. You have to break the habit of speculating, wondering and obsessing about what others think. You have to break the habit of worrying about what others think. Catch yourself doing it and stop it.

I've come to understand that the things we don't accept cause us the most pain. If you could only accept that someone thinks you're an idiot. Or accept that someone doesn't like you. Accept that many people may not like you. Once you can accept that, without constantly resisting it and fearing it, you'll feel such a great relief. Like a huge weight lifted from your shoulders.

I wish there was something I could say. You just have to take that journey deep inside your own soul and find out why you can't just accept criticism and even insults. Why are you so convinced you will shatter? It's a journey inside yourself that you have to make.

Remember, the door is not locked.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

ambivalentloner said:


> I'm trying not to be a perfectionist when I type my responses and I'm also trying to be more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes.


That's a very good approach. I was a perfectionist too, I was my harshest critic, I was way more judging at myself than at other people.

Now when I make a mistake I don't think about it all day and bash myself. I say to myself that everybody makes mistakes, we're humans, and I move on.

I too have online anxiety, but only in real time chat, witch is nearly impossible to do for me. I get so freaked out that my mind goes blank, I dunno what to say anymore and even if some ideas come, they all seem so stupid, childish, etc. Usually can't make it more than a few minutes, best case scenario.

On forums it's easy, you can take all your time to write a post, correct it, review it, and if you run out of things to say there are no consequences, you just finish the post there or you can even erase it completely if it seems too out of place.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

tehuti88 said:


> I've had numerous people criticize or outright ridicule my posting style, including on SAS.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I guess i was talking about people in general. There will always be stuckup people who seem to get aggravated by someone merely talking online, and there's always the occasional troll/s. Cant really get away from people who will critizise whatever you say. But in this forum i have noticed that many people dont have a problem with you merely trying to express your opinions.


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