# Senior in college, feeling really depressed



## julie14401 (Jan 10, 2011)

I am a senior in college and this is my 3rd day back. You would think that by my senior year I would have a ton of friends and be having the time of my life. Instead, I feel almost like a freshman again. My problem is, I am really awful at making friends. I am socially awkward, have social anxiety and just feel really uncomfortable around new people. Its frustrating for me because I know that I am a really good and loyal friend. I am fun to be around once people get to know me. But, it takes me a while to get to the point when I can open up and be myself around people. Who has the patience to go through a ton of awkward moments in order to access all the good parts in me?

I had a pretty good year last year. I had one really good friend who I lived with. I can't say that I was completely satisfied with my social life but, having 1 friend was enough to keep me happy and prevent me from constantly worrying about not having friends. We pretty much did everything together and we got very close. We had classes together, studied together, ate together, went to the gym together, and hung out all the time. Unfortunately she is a year older than me so she graduated. I just feel lost without her now. I became very dependent on her and I miss her so much. 



Its not like I am completely alone this year. I am friends with my roommate (we have been friends for 2 years) but we aren't really 100% compatible. She is kind of immature and gets on my nerves sometimes. Knowing that she is my closest friend at school right now makes me feel extremely sad. We don't connect the way I did with my friend from last year. My other housemate seems really nice and seems interested in being friends with me but she already has a ton of other friends. (I don't really understand how because she just transferred so  this is her 2nd semester here. I don't get how people can make friends so easily). I don't really know how close we are going to get since she already has a group of friends. I have a few other close acquaintances that I can try to get closer to but I am not sure how that will turn out.

It just really sucks being back here. I feel really depressed and anxious all the time. I want to enjoy my last year, not count down the days until I get to leave like I did Freshmen and Sophomore year. I am just sick of being miserable all the time while everyone else is having fun and enjoying their youth. Everyone who I live with goes out every night with their friends and I am stuck home alone with nothing to do but study. I don't even know how to go about trying to make new friends my senior year. I feel like everyone my age has friends already and doesn't need any more. Should I even try to make new friends or should I just deal with only having a few and stick it out for 1 year? I feel like if I try to make new friends I will just set myself up for disappointment and anxiety.


To top it all off, I am extremely embarrassed by my lack of friends. I feel like everyone who I live with knows that I basically have no friends since I am always here at night and never have friends over :blank


----------



## Gordom (Aug 17, 2009)

Hi Julie,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and have had to deal with some not so good experiences in college myself at one point. It's tough to be somewhere and feel somewhat "lost" because of not having someone to relate well with. I had a somewhat similar experience where I didn't quite "click" with anyone exactly right. I ended up transferring to another school and ended up having a much better experience there but when I was at the first school it's as if a cloud was hanging over me that I couldn't see improving. Some schools really are much more cliquish than others, too, so you may have run into some bad luck in that regard. Being a shyer person doesn't help, I know from experience, but even then, you can have better luck with some situations than others

Even if you haven't made those good connections in your senior year, maybe you can at least be looking at trying to find a good fit for yourself if you're going to be continuing your education or getting into the workplace after you graduate and you'll find a good group of people who match your personality, values, etc. What worked well for me was getting involved in a smaller group in my college, in my case a ministry and working on some community service projects, where there were quieter people who were more concerned about being genuine than trying to be trendy and going out and getting drunk, being inconsiderate, snotty people who were all about themselves. Sometimes it may take some trial and error to find a good fit with the right people (either on campus or off) and that can be frustrating but if you developed a good friendship before I'm sure you can do it again. I'm sorry things have been a tough go for you so far though.


----------

