# therapy (rant)



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Therapy today was another session of my therapist saying things that make complete sense and perhaps a normal person could make use of but I just end up saying 'hmmm, yeah' to everything. I try to listen and take in what hes saying but I keep thinking about how I can't even talk back. Theres something about therapists, the way they make a dynamic of them asking questions and me answering right from the beginning that makes me unable to talk to them in an unstructured way - and maybe thats the only way they can get me to talk to them - but thats just how it is.

The stupidest thing is when he asks me what my goals are (a couple of times in different ways), I just say I don't know. I have a bunch of goals right now, I don't know why I'm ashamed of the things I want to do or what makes me keep them secret. My goals are even written on this forum, which I told him about not that long ago. Then of course he says that maybe I could go back to uni and study psych or something (a goal that I put on here) - he gives a reason why he came up with the idea, but I can't help but think that that was just so I would think that he hasn't read what I write on here - so I can't help but get a little paranoid about it. Having said that I don't care that he might have read the things that I post on here as opposed to the heavily censored, 99% mute version that barely manages to pass out of my mouth. Thinking about goals annoys me a bit at the moment though, just cause everything I do is because of my SA - I can't imagine not having SA, and when I do make goals its pretty much always things I can't achieve if I still have SAD.

Anyway the whole thing started out with how I wasn't finding situations to test my anxiety very well and that that was mostly because I don't know who I am, I don't know what I like, and I'm completely boring. So now he wants me to just try out different things - some of the things he suggests are things that I am am nowhere near capable of, but some things I could do - some I'm already doing. All this freaks me out and I think I'll probably end up hiding away getting practically nothing done. 

I wish I could stop clinging to comfort and security and escapism but I'm trapped. I wish I could deal with my problems in isoaltion, but I have everything going on at once, it just makes things crazy.


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## Softy785 (Apr 16, 2006)

Andy,

I'm sorry your therapy sessions aren't going so well. I've been on this board for a while now and have read a lot of your posts, and you are a great guy. A _really_ great guy. That's why I hate seeing you talk this way about yourself. You're not completely boring, and you're not trapped. Don't give up hope. You should be proud of yourself for going to therapy at all. You are actively taking steps to get better. And if you keep moving forward, and don't give up, then you will overcome social anxiety. No doubt about it  BUT, you gotta have the right attitude. Don't throw little pity parties for yourself, but focus on any positive thing you can grab hold of. Good luck!


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Wow, someone actually reads my posts? :b
Yeah I try to stay positive, but sometimes its hard. Haven't given up hope yet.


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## Softy785 (Apr 16, 2006)

andy1984 said:


> Wow, someone actually reads my posts? :b


Of course! Your posts are well worth reading. I'm glad you're not giving up hope. I will never give up hope, no matter what circumstances life throws my way. Life is what you make of it, afterall.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hi Andy

What kind of therapy are you doing? I've tried 4 different kinds, and three were awful! I did person centred counselling, normal counselling, psychodynamic therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Only the last one was any good, and you still need to find a therapist you 'click' with.

Reading your post again it looks like you may be doing CBT or ABT because s/he is trying to get you to test your anxieties. My goals started as "I want to be supremely entetaining, witty and charming and have women fall at my feet". I was pretty ashamed to say that and it took ages for my T to get it out of me and then put it in a rational perspective - i.e. that people may be hostile, indifferent or all over you. 

I know what you mean - a lot of what he says makes *intellectual* sense, but I don't FEEL it deep in my gut. My approval needs still require work in this regard.

Good luck

Ross


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Okay, this isn't helpful, but I can totally relate. To quote Relient K, I struggle with forward motion. I feel like I have the same ****ing goal every ****ing day.

She's right about the positive thing, though. I've kinda been figuring out that, at least for me, it's damn near impossible to work towards confidence because you need confidence to work toward goals in general. Kinda puts me in this vicious cycle.

Anyway, keep striving. We're still so damn young. Hope is not lost. Blah-blah-****inig-blah :lol


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Yeah I'm doing CBT. And yeah its ****ed.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hm CBT is usually pretty good. If your T isn;t making the effort to try to get through to you on an emotional level, then maybe raise this with her / him. CBT is meant to work through gradual persuasion - of yourself by yourself and by the therapist. 

He may be asking you about goals because that way he can understand what is frustrating you.

I take it you are doing 5 or 7 column mood diaries? If you look at column B - your automatic thoughts - after a while you will begin to see a theme emerging. The same things will come up again and again - and its THESE that are your 'goals' - the things you desire, in the here and now, or want to change but are being held back. (I find it confusing that he is talking of long term goals - as my therapist pointed out, when your most basic emotional needs are not being met in the here and now, it is difficult for you to think ahead to the future. Once you begin to feel better, then you can cast your mind forward more)

Then, with this in mind, the bit your T should help you with is the 'alternatives' column. Its here that you firstly provide the rational perspective (and hopefully receive some emotional relief) and then later allow you and your T to dig down and find the core belief which causes your behaviours and depression / SA. Once you find it, and come up with the healthy alternative, you should go about looking for daily evidence and behaviours to support it. Thats the core of CBT.

I know this is easy to say, but you will save yourself loads of time if you assert yourself a bit and explain that you don't emotionally 'feel' the new belief your T is trying to get you to take on. I sometimes battle my therapist and he is great at sitting through it and understanding my confusions, however ot took time to build up the trust to the point where I could do that. This part of the therapy should feel like a heated debate - and if the therapist wins, well then so do you!

Ross


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