# Girls with SA, how would you prefer a guy to approach you?



## Tui (Apr 7, 2013)

First of all I apologize is this is not appropriate for SAS, but I wasn't sure where else to ask.

So when I signed up to this site a couple of years ago I had pretty severe SA. For instance, my heart would begin racing uncontrollably if I was asked to answer a question in class and I'd be unable to write for 10 minutes or so because of my hand shaking so much. Somehow I've managed to turn it all around, and I can now comfortably tutor an entire class of people, not sure how it happened, just slow steps and such. 

However I still have no experience with dating since I grew up with SA, and it's something I want to work on. There are a few shy girls I've noticed around school and elsewhere who I've wanted to approach and get to know (not necessarily date, just become friends with) but I have no idea how to do it. With extroverted girls it's quite easy because often they lead the conversation if you ask a few questions, but when I've tried to talk to shy introverted ones they tend to give one or two word answers and it's hard to know whether they are just shy or disinterested.

I think I need to improve socializing with girls before I begin trying to date them. I figure getting to know some introverted girls would be nice as I'm also still very introverted. So any advice from girls here who consider themselves introverted/shy would be nice.

Thanks.


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## Surly Wurly (May 9, 2015)

people dont know what they want, and when they get exactly what they like they will deny it like hell


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

i want men to stare at my boobs for 20 minutes, and then awkwardly walk past me a few times before approaching me, then hand me a note that says "i love you please, date me" with their phone number written in scrawled handwriting, and then i want them to poop their pants and cry on the ground


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## Tui (Apr 7, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> i want men to stare at my boobs for 20 minutes, and then awkwardly walk past me a few times before approaching me, then hand me a note that says "i love you please, date me" with their phone number written in scrawled handwriting, and then i want them to poop their pants and cry on the ground


As sound as that advice sounds I'm not sure I want to **** my pants in public. :serious:


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## Surly Wurly (May 9, 2015)

RadnessaurousRex said:


> Well, do you want a girlfriend or not!


yup, lack of commitment in this thread

this is what people mean when they say "just approach her and *the rest will come naturally*"


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Come on, practically everyone would prefer being approached. I mean, I would love it if tomorrow some a nice, geeky beautiful girl would just walk up to me and say "Hey, you seem nice, wanna hang out some time", I mean, that would be amazing. It doesn't really matter whether you're a guy, girl, introverted, extroverted. Approaching someone you're attracted to is a pain, and if the other person does it for you, that's always great.


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## alienjunkie (Jul 11, 2015)

offer me one million dollars and then get away from me


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Tui said:


> First of all I apologize is this is not appropriate for SAS, but I wasn't sure where else to ask.
> 
> So when I signed up to this site a couple of years ago I had pretty severe SA. For instance, my heart would begin racing uncontrollably if I was asked to answer a question in class and I'd be unable to write for 10 minutes or so because of my hand shaking so much. Somehow I've managed to turn it all around, and I can now comfortably tutor an entire class of people, not sure how it happened, just slow steps and such.
> 
> ...


Man, you are overthinking this... if you just would walk up to the girl in question with a roll of half dollars tucked into your pants, what could there possibly be any need for conversation for, as far as she is concerned.. except for "Your place or mine".

Sound advice.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Tui said:


> First of all I apologize is this is not appropriate for SAS, but I wasn't sure where else to ask.
> 
> So when I signed up to this site a couple of years ago I had pretty severe SA. For instance, my heart would begin racing uncontrollably if I was asked to answer a question in class and I'd be unable to write for 10 minutes or so because of my hand shaking so much. Somehow I've managed to turn it all around, and I can now comfortably tutor an entire class of people, not sure how it happened, just slow steps and such.
> 
> ...


Seriously though, I think you should try something different. Tell them exactly hat you told us, just the short version. And just be confident in the facts. If you are right about the disposition and personality of the girls, it might be just what they've been wanting to hear from someone.

Either way, it's practice and exposure. Good luck, man.


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## plommer (Aug 7, 2013)

gopherinferno said:


> i want men to stare at my boobs for 20 minutes,


20 minutes seems excessive.

When I check out the assets of a young lady I will only glance at her chest, unless her nipples are erect, then its impossible to not look longer.

Headlights on!!


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## minasaki96 (Jun 13, 2015)

Tui said:


> First of all I apologize is this is not appropriate for SAS, but I wasn't sure where else to ask.
> 
> So when I signed up to this site a couple of years ago I had pretty severe SA. For instance, my heart would begin racing uncontrollably if I was asked to answer a question in class and I'd be unable to write for 10 minutes or so because of my hand shaking so much. Somehow I've managed to turn it all around, and I can now comfortably tutor an entire class of people, not sure how it happened, just slow steps and such.
> 
> ...


First of all, nice job on working on your SA  not many people here make that much progress or progress at all .-. To answer the question though, as long as you just introduce yourself and tell me what stuff you like to do i will most likely try to do same and you can carry conversation on from there, but irl i would probably not be able to look you in the eye (but if you say you like pokemon or video games ill probably talk your ear off xD)


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

gopherinferno said:


> i want men to stare at my boobs for 20 minutes, and then awkwardly walk past me a few times before approaching me, then hand me a note that says "i love you please, date me" with their phone number written in scrawled handwriting, and then i want them to poop their pants and cry on the ground


Pure evil.


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## wine1345 (Dec 22, 2013)

Most women don't know what they want and most guys don't know what to do.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

alienjunkie said:


> offer me one million dollars and then get away from me


Hey want a million dollars?

Nahhh I change my mind bye.


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## alienjunkie (Jul 11, 2015)

LichtLune said:


> Hey want a million dollars?
> 
> Nahhh I change my mind bye.


that's just cruel


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

wine1345 said:


> Most women don't know what they want and most guys don't know what to do.


Most guys don't know what to do BECAUSE the woman usually doesn't know either. It is always going to be awkward to walk up to some perfect stranger who probably is married or has a boyfriend and tell her you want to bang her (probably a little different words but that's the gist of it). When they get put on the spot 99% of the time their instinct is going to be aaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh... The cold approach is really a terrible idea all around.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

plommer said:


> 20 minutes seems excessive.


I think you mean that's not long enough.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I prefer not to be approached. Online dating only here.
I prefer him to write a message that says "Hi". Just that. No more words. Like he has no common interests in any of the things I said on my profile or no thoughts of his own that he'd like to share.


No, for real though. I prefer if he goes friend first. Maybe small talks over the course of a few weeks, but not in a way that suggests he stalks me and not too much in a rush to go out or get my phone number as fast as possible.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Tui said:


> As sound as that advice sounds I'm not sure I want to **** my pants in public. :serious:


 I dunno. It's really funny when you're the one who pooped your pants and everyone else has a look on their face like they're pooping.


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## slowmotionsuicide (Feb 23, 2014)

Aw it's sweet that you want to get to know the introverted/shy girls. I was one of those girls at school and no guy ever approached me. Well, apart from creepy guys who would randomly ask me my bra size and tell me I was 'fit' and run off s******ing, to which I would turn bright red and want the ground to swallow me up. None of the decent guys ever approached me. I would have gladly welcomed a nice guy who just wanted to make nice conversation and get to know me. Even just as friends, it would mean so much. But I guess it depends on the girl. I wasn't necessarily introverted or closed off to people, just terrified of everything. So for some girls you need to break through their shell a bit to get to know them (like me), whereas for others perhaps they do just want to be left alone. Smile at her and if she smiles back I'd say you're good to go, even if it's just to say hi.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I like them to work their way into my life gradually.

I like them to take the initiative and expect them to read very subtle but telltale signs that I'm into them and I like them to not come on too strong or with too much persistence because than I just lose interest very quickly if they're offering themselves to me on a platter (which is true in the case of most people).

I love the shy ones. Yes. :yes

Well I guess most men are "shy" around me so it's hard to tell if they're naturally withdrawn or I just bring out the best of them :wink

Shy guys are so frigtin hot


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

On their hands and knees . 
Like I said before , not sure why that post was deleted . It's not rude and shows no nudity or swearing and is exactly how I would like a girl to approach me so why wouldn't a girl like a guy to approach them the same way .


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## Xisha (Apr 19, 2015)

Just make me laugh and I'll instantly start giving you over ten words per sentence. Guard goes down ten fold and brownie points if it's relatable.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Get to know me during a group activity, hang out as friends first with other people, casually flirt for a few weeks and let me get the idea that you might be interested so that I start thinking about what it'd be like for us to be together and develop a crush, then ask me out.

It's a process.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

SuperSky said:


> Get to know me during a group activity, hang out as friends first with other people, casually flirt for a few weeks and let me get the idea that you might be interested so that I start thinking about what it'd be like for us to be together and develop a crush, then ask me out.
> 
> It's a process.


This is really the only way I think I would do it IRL, don't have the nerves to do the whole wham bam thankyou ma'am deal some guys do so easily without shame.

The other positive is you get a much better idea about them before the awkward decision making moment.

In other words, I need to actually socialise in group situations! *shudders*


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## Owl Eyes (May 23, 2011)

I brush most guys off that approach me so I have no idea really.


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## sad alice (Jul 25, 2015)

I'd prefer to be friends first...so maybe just casual conversations/settings/activities. I never really know how to reply to guys who immediately ask me out because???idk who they are??? But that's just me.


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## VictoryOverFear (Mar 18, 2014)

Gotta talk, talk, talk. Don't make me talk. Just do all the talking yourself. Then ask me out to something specific and definite, no vagueness.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I think every single girl I've dated or been in a relationship with has been very extroverted. Opposites attract I guess.

I agree with @knightofdespair, nobody wants to be cold-approached, and nobody wants to do the cold approaching. Fwiw I'd suggest talking, becoming friends, getting to know her. But...I think that if it's going to become something more it usually has to happen pretty quickly. Or you're just going to stay friends. She's not gonna want to be stuck in limbo for too long, and neither are you. You both have to know exactly what it is that you're doing with each other lol. Just my experience.


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## Conviction07 (Aug 23, 2013)

Keep this going, I'm taking notes.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

calichick said:


> I like them to work their way into my life gradually.
> 
> I like them to take the initiative and expect them to read very subtle but telltale signs that I'm into them and I like them to not come on too strong or with too much persistence because than I just lose interest very quickly if they're offering themselves to me on a platter (which is true in the case of most people).
> 
> ...


Wait, you want the guy to take the initiative, meaning he should approach you and lead on the conversation etc. but on the other hand you like shy men?
That's confusing. o_o


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Hmm. I don't know. Maybe ask my opinion on something (or any kind of harmless question, really).


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Am I the only one who was confused by the sarcasm at first? 

Anyway talking to shy or introverted girls is my kryptonite. It seems like I can't get a shy girl interest to save my life...probably doesn't help I'm often usually equally as shy and took a millennium tó work up the courage to talk to her so the whole time she's probably thinking I'm a stalker for constantly looking her way :lol


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

honestly i don't know? if you come on too strong my SA will cause me to shut down and avoid you like hell, even if i like you.
i just started talking to my current bf and things started pretty slowly without pressure so that was probably ideal. i was already comfortable talking to him before things got flirty.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Skeletra said:


> No, for real though. I prefer if he goes friend first. Maybe small talks over the course of a few weeks, but not in a way that suggests he stalks me and not too much in a rush to go out or get my phone number as fast as possible.


Interesting, I've never been a fan of being friends first with a woman I like because that tends to end up in a state where she only sees me as a friend and I miss out on asking her out.

If a guy did go friends first would you be okay with knowing he is interested in dating you from the start? Or does that turn you off to the possible friendship?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Orbiter said:


> Wait, you want the guy to take the initiative, meaning he should approach you and lead on the conversation etc. but on the other hand you like shy men?
> That's confusing. o_o


Yes, you got it right.

There are plenty of shy men who muster up the courage to talk to the girl they like, whether out of necessity or sheer willpower.

I definitely like the guy to show interest in me (whether flirting, checking me out etc) but I *don't* want him to constantly be in my business. I get both types, I get guys who are REALLY into me and are not afraid to make that clear, and I get the guys who I think may possibly feel something towards me but I am not their whole lives. They are going to live on with or without me and that's what I like. I like the fact that I may have to act on it to accelerate things forward because I'm afraid of losing them.

I want him to show me signs that he's into me in the most discreet way possible that keeps me guessing, doubting myself, and even afraid that I may lose him or lose his interest in me.

That is what attraction is after all. It's a push and pull, it's not thrown into your lap without working for it.

Caliupdate, unrelated: I really like a few guys right now in my life and I'm excited about my future. I think I've been pretty lucky as to what I've been dealt in life and I'm just sad that I was on hormones for so long that I wasn't interested in entertaining men and sex and all that. Because now that I'm drug free, I feel entirely liberated and in control of my destiny. It's nice having male "interests" (some who are so f***ing hot at that it's not even funny...I'm getting giddy just thinking about it :8) It's nice also feeling good about how you look and what you bring to the table and feeling "sexy" and "confident" and all that.

let's just work on the boyfriend status now ^-^


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## Helixa (Feb 1, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> No, for real though. I prefer if he goes friend first. Maybe small talks over the course of a few weeks, but not in a way that suggests he stalks me and not too much in a rush to go out or get my phone number as fast as possible.


This is what I'd prefer too but mainly because I'm a freak with trust issues so I need to get to know them properly before actually going out with them and it's easier to open up to people when we start off as friends because I feel like there's not as much pressure so I can be more myself.



Jesuszilla said:


> If a guy did go friends first would you be okay with knowing he is interested in dating you from the start? Or does that turn you off to the possible friendship?


I'd be okay with this so long as he didn't constantly push to go out. I just want to be sure that he likes me past the surface that I usually hide under during the first few times I meet someone.


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## namaste34 (Jul 30, 2015)

Prefer to be approached naturally. Say 'hello' to me and let me know CLEARLY (I can sniff if you're not into hanging out without you saying) you want to hang out with me. I like a short small talks that pivot to conversations quickly. The shy, introverted girls usually cannot manage small talks very very well (Because I myself is an introvert with SA) but they are reaaally good in conversations with concrete topics. 

Ugh. Many people want to make friends with me, but due to my stupid SA I never made friends. So maybe the traditional 'hi' approach doesn't work with me 100% of the time. I sniff and filter people and hang out with the people who match my sensors. Fellow introverts, actually.


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## Genos (Dec 17, 2014)

be extremely straightforward because i will brush off subtlety because of insecurity


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Helixa said:


> This is what I'd prefer too but mainly because I'm a freak with trust issues so I need to get to know them properly before actually going out with them and it's easier to open up to people when we start off as friends because I feel like there's not as much pressure so I can be more myself.
> 
> I'd be okay with this so long as he didn't constantly push to go out. I just want to be sure that he likes me past the surface that I usually hide under during the first few times I meet someone.


This exactly, Jesuszilla


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

calichick said:


> Yes, you got it right.
> 
> There are plenty of shy men who muster up the courage to talk to the girl they like, whether out of necessity or sheer willpower.
> 
> ...


So you kind of like playing it out a little.
One of the reasons why I just suck at flirting, I'm just not cut out for this. lol
Deep inside me I know that I don't really care about dating or getting laid as much as possible, it's just that stupid lack of confidence that makes me think that I have to participate in that "game", just to feel good about myself.
Anyway, good luck to you on that boyfriend status.
In your case it's probably just a matter of "when" and not "if".
Just don't let your crush (if there is one right now) wait too long (not that you would need my advice lol).


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## dune87 (Aug 10, 2015)

Starting conversation for something within eyesight or about something happening right now or generally about something within context is great. I'm a terrible flirt so I prefer a human approach.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*this is actully a great question*

I like a guy to say Hi from at least 3 feet away. Im not kidding, if you are too close i am going to feel threatened ad dismiss you. SO MANY GUYS STAND WAY TOO CLOSE. STand just close enough to her so she can hear you without you yelling. SMile, and say Hi. then maybe do something else, look away, let her get her barrings. she might have not seen you before so she needs a moment to decide if you are 1) a threat to her 2) a creep 3) seem like a nice guy who she want s to get to know. I am assuming for this example that you ARE a 3 and that she decides you are a 3. after about a full minute say something else. it could be anything polite such as Sure is Rainy out or Nice sweater Or so Have you been to this place before. Oh, and this is NOT just my opinion it is based in sociological facts. Women need to gauge a few things from a feeling of safety:wink2: in order to go on


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## Amolivares28 (Apr 17, 2015)

Why don't you approach her and tell her your interested in getting to know her then ask for a social media account intend of her number. Asking for a number will just scare her away. At least that's what I'd prefer.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

If I were the type of girl a guy wanted, which I am not...my advice would be...

*Show interest in something I'm interested in.* Genuine interest. Which means, if you aren't genuinely interested in something I'm interested in, then don't bother approaching me, because I won't be able to emotionally connect with you beyond mere smalltalk. If you're into the same things I am, it's no guarantee I'll want to date you, but it at least opens up the possibility which wouldn't otherwise be there.

And to echo a post somewhere above, *don't be pushy about dates or demand even "insta-friendship."* I've had over 20 years of negative social experiences, so it will take a LONG time to wear down my defenses--be ready to be in it for the long haul, and to be friends with me first, or else leave me alone and go find a more trusting and less anxious girl. *Anxious girls, like anxious guys, take work to get to know. Hard work.*

I've had people (usually guys, so maybe it's a guy thing?) put a strict time limit on how long it should take me to completely trust them. Apparently I should trust them within several e-mails or after two weeks, tops. (Not exaggerating here.) No thanks. That's not how it works. I also had a guy I went to school with (but never talked to, so, I don't think he even knew me, much less knew what I look like) contact me on Facebook once and in his _*second*_ message to me, ask me out for coffee. :wtf Maybe that's how it works for normal people, but not for me. That scared me off very fast. (When I told him I wouldn't be able to for various reasons, he lost all interest in further communication; not even a thanks or oh well or goodbye. That's a big turnoff, too. If you don't want to get to know me, then I don't want to get to know you. Ironically, his first message to me tried to allay my fears by saying he understood social anxiety. Really, dude? When you ask me out for coffee in the very next message, I don't think you do understand.)

Disclaimer, no guys need to be offended or to assume that I'm too picky or will reject them too quickly, because so far I have never been put in a position to do that to a guy (well, except maybe with that guy I mentioned above). Plus most of my comments pertain to platonic friendships as well. This entire post is basically moot though, since I am not the type of girl a guy would want. :stu


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

@tehuti88 I haven't seen you around here in forever. Hope you're doing well all things considered.


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