# My boyfriend left me and I feel completely lost



## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

We were dating for two and a half years, we lived together, I feel like my whole life just fell apart overnight. I don't think we're going to be able to work it out, he said he was unhappy for a really long time (but he didn't tell me???) This came as a complete shock to me, we didn't even fight for the last 4 months. He must have given up caring and was just waiting for the right time to end it.


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## girafa (Apr 9, 2017)

My ex left me in a similar fashion. Never told me she wasn't sure about how things were, just randomly decided to leave me one day. In the final couple of months of us being together she felt more distant, it was torture for me.

The only advice I can give is to find distractions. Take your mind of them, and try your best to move on.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sorry to hear this, I know the feels.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

Act to fall said:


> We were dating for two and a half years, we lived together, I feel like my whole life just fell apart overnight. I don't think we're going to be able to work it out, he said he was unhappy for a really long time (but he didn't tell me???) This came as a complete shock to me, we didn't even fight for the last 4 months. He must have given up caring and was just waiting for the right time to end it.


Sorry to hear.

Happened to me, 12 years, 2 kids, mortgage - gutted me but you move on as best you can.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

90% of the time it means they met someone else.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

girafa said:


> My ex left me in a similar fashion. Never told me she wasn't sure about how things were, just randomly decided to leave me one day. In the final couple of months of us being together she felt more distant, it was torture for me.
> 
> The only advice I can give is to find distractions. Take your mind of them, and try your best to move on.


It felt so random to me too. We were just watching tv and out of nowhere he told me he wasn't happy. I don't know if he knew he was going to break up with me when he said that or if he decided to do it because I wasn't able to convince him things could get better with us.


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## abhinav54pm (Mar 30, 2017)

does he know you have anxiety?


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

abhinav54pm said:


> does he know you have anxiety?


I think that's a big part of why he was unhappy and felt that things weren't going to get better. I wasn't getting better.


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

Sounds like a real Social Anxiety problem.


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## Kandice (Jan 26, 2017)

I've noticed that some people stay in relationships so they won't be alone regardless if they actually care or love their partner or not.

I hope you get through this <3


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Yikes! That sounds like the worst thing that could
Ever happen 

Hope you feel better soon


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

It's alright, you'll find another one soon. How many options do you have right now?


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## scott83 (Aug 10, 2014)

knightofdespair said:


> 90% of the time it means they met someone else.


Off topic, but is your profile thingy a Final Fantasy IV reference?


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Kandice said:


> I've noticed that some people stay in relationships so they won't be alone regardless if they actually care or love their partner or not.
> 
> I hope you get through this <3


I'm sure I'll get through, I'm certainly not going to kill myself over this. It hurts a lot and I don't know what to do though. All my plans and my future had him in it and now it feels like I'm starting completely over.



Aribeth said:


> It's alright, you'll find another one soon. How many options do you have right now?


I don't know if I'll ever find someone else, meeting him was a miracle in the first place.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Well his fault for not communicating


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## Spindrift (Mar 3, 2011)

I've been in a similar situation. It hurts now and will hurt for a long time, but it will fade. It's difficult to do, but it helps to stay distracted, like someone else said. So just stay busy, keep your mind engaged on something that requires focus. Go to school, get a job, start going to the gym, start a project, it can be anything. You'll destroy yourself if you spend all day thinking about what went wrong or whose fault it was, and those days will quickly turn into weeks and months before you know it.

Be careful with rebounds, too. It can be intoxicating to think that you've immediately found someone just as good or even better than the person who just left you.

It will get better with time. Just keep going forward. It will hurt less, you'll think about it less, and you'll eventually see that your life will keep going and can be better.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Look you'll get over it, he didnt want you so you both werent meant for each other. It is heartbreaking but you will get over it soon and probably quickly, considering the fact that he doesnt want to be with you. Some day if you keep looking, you'll find someone who is perfect for you.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Don't look at it as "getting over it" but how you'll grow from it.

We're a product of our experiences.

This can fortify you in positive ways.

Don't let his actions create future barriers in your life.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Cold Cold world. I could make a comforting comment about him being a douchbag for leaving you and how you don't deserve it (which no one does obviously) but the truth is, you probably should have been cheating on him so in the event that something like this were to happen you'd have more boyfriend's to fallback on. Now that sounds like terrible advice I'll admit but the truth is this world is dog eat dog and nobody really cares about anyone else. You either continue to be the prey or become a predator yourself


my 2 nihilistic cents


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Spindrift said:


> I've been in a similar situation. It hurts now and will hurt for a long time, but it will fade. It's difficult to do, but it helps to stay distracted, like someone else said. So just stay busy, keep your mind engaged on something that requires focus. Go to school, get a job, start going to the gym, start a project, it can be anything. You'll destroy yourself if you spend all day thinking about what went wrong or whose fault it was, and those days will quickly turn into weeks and months before you know it.
> 
> Be careful with rebounds, too. It can be intoxicating to think that you've immediately found someone just as good or even better than the person who just left you.
> 
> It will get better with time. Just keep going forward. It will hurt less, you'll think about it less, and you'll eventually see that your life will keep going and can be better.


I definitely don't think I'll be rebounding, I'm not looking for anyone right now. I am spending most of my time repeating conversations in my head though and thinking of what I could have said.


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## mj123 (Apr 10, 2017)

I'm in the exact situation (been 3 months), except she strung me along until she found another ship to hop to.

Not going to lie though, I wasn't happy in that relationship at all and wanted out myself at times. I was almost waiting for her to change. She showed very very distinct signs of borderline personality disorder and it wrecked havoc on me emotionally, very hot and cold relationship. I suffered through the 90% cold just for the other 10%. It may be for the best, only the future will tell.


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## Entrensik (Apr 25, 2014)

Whats a boyfriend/girlfriend?


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## mj123 (Apr 10, 2017)

Act to fall said:


> I definitely don't think I'll be rebounding, I'm not looking for anyone right now. I am spending most of my time repeating conversations in my head though and thinking of what I could have said.


I did this too. For the first two months after the breakup I paced around re living every fight we'd ever had and all the things I could have done. Especially our final fight, the one that happened hardly a week before our breakup.

As hard as it is to believe, there is such thing as a grass is greener breakup, and there is a chance he may come back. But you can't hold out on hope for this.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

mj123 said:


> As hard as it is to believe, there is such thing as a grass is greener breakup, and there is a chance he may come back. But you can't hold out on hope for this.


I don't know how I'd feel about that. He was pretty clear, this wasn't just a fight into a breakup, he's been unhappy for months. If he came back, why wouldn't he still just be unhappy? Even if we didn't break up that night, saying that to me would have killed the relationship soon enough anyway.


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## mj123 (Apr 10, 2017)

Act to fall said:


> he said he was unhappy for a really long time (but he didn't tell me???)


I still can't edit posts, so I wanted to comment on this too.

Sometimes people themselves aren't happy and they take it our on their partner and blame the relationship. They will then end the relationship and for a short while feel they have 'fixed' what was causing them to feel so unhappy. This usually backfires, and as the single/new relationship high fades they fall back into the same rut.


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## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I'm so sorry  That must be really painful to have that happen after you'd been together so long...


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

Just get a new one.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Act to fall said:


> We were dating for two and a half years, we lived together, I feel like my whole life just fell apart overnight. I don't think we're going to be able to work it out, he said he was unhappy for a really long time (but he didn't tell me???) This came as a complete shock to me, we didn't even fight for the last 4 months. He must have given up caring and was just waiting for the right time to end it.


Almost the exact same thing happened to me, only I'd been living with my partner for 10 years. I thought everything was going fine, though she'd been acting a little odd/distant for about two weeks before she did it. We hadn't had any disagreements, no arguments, no discussions. I had no warning whatsoever. It was just "I can't do this anymore" out of the blue. It was just over. I was absolutely crushed.


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## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

Act to fall said:


> We were dating for two and a half years, we lived together, I feel like my whole life just fell apart overnight. I don't think we're going to be able to work it out, he said he was unhappy for a really long time (but he didn't tell me???) This came as a complete shock to me, we didn't even fight for the last 4 months. He must have given up caring and was just waiting for the right time to end it.


I'm so sorry to hear that :hug 
I just recently went through a breakup myself, but I was the one who did the dumping even though I loved her. I knew that she didn't take the relationship seriously like I did and had to part ways even though it killed me inside. Word of advice to others, never let urself fall in love with someone who doesn't want a life partner. It is just a huge waste of time and they just stomp on your heart in the end...


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

It pains me to hear this. That's really harsh. 



knightofdespair said:


> 90% of the time it means they met someone else.


I think this is both untrue and harmful to think.


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## naes (Nov 1, 2013)

mj123 said:


> I'm in the exact situation (been 3 months), except she strung me along until she found another ship to hop to.
> 
> Not going to lie though, I wasn't happy in that relationship at all and wanted out myself at times. *I was almost waiting for her to change. She showed very very distinct signs of borderline personality disorder and it wrecked havoc on me emotionally, very hot and cold relationship. I suffered through the 90% cold just for the other 10%*. It may be for the best, only the future will tell.


Same... it sucked...


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

I've been in the same situation and turns out he found somebody else. He didn't have the balls to tell me to my face because he was a coward. The same thing happened to me and he remained distant. Than as I thought back, I remembered him accusing me of cheating on him and I wasn't cheating on him at all. He just felt guilty and tried to pin something on me to make me look like the bad guy. 

I'm not saying this happened in you're situation at all. Don't contact him for any reason and try to distract yourself as much as possible. If you need to cry, cry it out and try to heal. It may take weeks or months to heal. That's perfectly okay too. Just do anything you can to make you feel good about yourself. Eventually one day you'll meet someone else. Things have their way of turning themselves around and working out for the better. Trust me. =)

Stay strong!!


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> Stay strong!!


Thank you.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

senkora said:


> I think this is both untrue and harmful to think.


My life experience tells me it is almost always true. It is rare that something is going along swimmingly and then just ends. Usually there is an outside influence.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

For those who keep saying this, no, he didn't leave me for someone else.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@Act to fall

Sorry to hear.  :hug

Sometimes with a period of time before they say no more, they just don't know how to say it to you, to not hurt you emotionally. Usually there is no easy way to say it.


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

how is your living situation? will you have to find a new place to live?

hope you are doing well... everyone deals with breakups differently. do whatever you need to do.


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## Act to fall (Apr 15, 2017)

andy1984thesecond said:


> how is your living situation? will you have to find a new place to live?
> 
> hope you are doing well... everyone deals with breakups differently. do whatever you need to do.


Yeah I moved back in with my parents. I got all my stuff out of his place now as far as I can tell. I have no real ideas on what to do next.


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

Act to fall said:


> Thank you.


You're welcome. Feel free to pm me anytime. I'll do the best I can to support you through hard times. ^_^


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