# My third date!!!



## bloodswordfire1473 (May 23, 2011)

It took me about two years to sort some stuff out with my SAD. I just got comfortable with putting a profile up on a dating site. Usually guys don't even get a date. If I manage to go on a date, it never goes further.

Well I've just had my third date with someone and I can't believe it! I can't fault him - we share the same outlook in life. Now my SAD head keeps going with it's negative thoughts: 

"I have nothing to talk about because I have no hobbies/interests, so we have nothing in common. If he talks, I lose focus and forget to hear what he says. He talks about general everyday stuff that I know nothing about because I've lived in a bubble/under a rock for over a decade. I'll panic if he wants to come over to my house, it's not good enough, I'm not good enough, what if this happens, what if that happens?" 

.....and the list goes on!

Any thoughts??


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## Nessy (Mar 3, 2011)

Everyone are nervous when it comes to dating, for people with SA and people without. In all likelyhood you will have something to talk about even though you dont have interests/hobbies, you must do something with your time? If you just sit around or sleep all day, why not get a hobby or an interest, that way you'll have fun and something to talk about too.

Also, if he talks about everyday things its not like you need to remember every little detail, if its something more personal like "My mom just got cancer" then it might be smart to try to remember it.

If its gone well this far I'm sure you'll keep seeing each other, after 2-3 dates you pretty much know if you want to keep seeing this person or not.

My advice is to take one step at a time and deal with problems as they come. Worrying about something only zaps you of energy and puts you in a bad mood, it never changes what actually happens so why not relax and see if things arent going better then you might think.

Best of luck to you!


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

Does he know you have SA? Maybe it would take some pressure off if you told him. Don't act all weird after you say it though. Just say it quick and then say something right after demonstrating that you still have high value and that SA is just a minor thing that may make make you a little reserved when it comes to conversation... until you open up. I really don't think this will scare him off, and if it does then you know the guy would be a d*** anyway and you wouldn't want to go further with him.

I sometimes have trouble listening to what people say too, it should fade for you though over time as you become more comfortable with him (maybe go on dates that don't involve eye contact if that is what is distracting you). Take on this frame of mind: the guy is really nervous and that is why he is talking a lot (which may be true)...He is trying to prove himself to you and the fact that you don't say much makes him think you aren't _that_ interested in him. You are in control!

Good luck


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Good luck!


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## OGirly (Aug 2, 2011)

The Prof is right  Telling him is a good idea if you are considering seeing him regularly; I mean if it gets serious you'll have to tell him anyway, right?


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## pasc (Mar 26, 2014)

*Third date :S*

Hi. So I had two dates with this girl that I met online and I'm having some problems to read her because I'm not sure what she really wants.. :S

First date was very good, we went to a restaurant. She texted me after to thank me for the evening and the invite. So decided to invite for another second date and I want it to be something convenient for her so I ask her out for a coffee nearby her place, we had a great time again, we even end up going to a restaurant nearby.. Than I walked her into her place, but we didn't kiss, didn't see any signs or I was blind or I don't know. She said that she had a good time and I asked what's her schedule like next week, she said flexible and if I want to get off work and go out, i should text her.. I waited 2 days, she didn't text or anything so I was about to move out but since I liked her, I said well let's give her another chance, I invited her (again) for a movie night and she said yes right away, she even thanked me for inviting her, that it was nice coming for me.. etc etc.

I'm clearly planning to make a move next week but not sure if she is more looking for a friendship, relationship or I don't think. What do you think?

Thanks.


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## pasc (Mar 26, 2014)

pasc said:


> Hi. So I had two dates with this girl that I met online and I'm having some problems to read her because I'm not sure what she really wants.. :S
> 
> First date was very good, we went to a restaurant. She texted me after to thank me for the evening and the invite. So decided to invite for another second date and I want it to be something convenient for her so I ask her out for a coffee nearby her place, we had a great time again, we even end up going to a restaurant nearby.. Than I walked her into her place, but we didn't kiss, didn't see any signs or I was blind or I don't know. She said that she had a good time and I asked what's her schedule like next week, she said flexible and if I want to get off work and go out, i should text her.. I waited 2 days, she didn't text or anything so I was about to move out but since I liked her, I said well let's give her another chance, I invited her (again) for a movie night and she said yes right away, she even thanked me for inviting her, that it was nice coming for me.. etc etc.
> 
> ...


Oups. I opened a new thread for my issue.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/third-date-s-931921/


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