# Do you purposely drive the opposite sex away?



## No-Sturm-und-Drang (Jan 21, 2009)

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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

I don't think I do. At least, I don't realize I do it, if I do.
I admit to definitely driving away guys I don't like who keep giving me attention, though.


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## Alone42Long (Apr 23, 2009)

I reject myself before anyone else has the opportunity to. It's painful but less painful at least short term. Even when I don't want to like you mentioned about becoming second nature.


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## blockhead (May 23, 2009)

I tend to drive the opposite sex away because of my personality. I avoid them because of my SA, and then act really awkward around them. Its really frustrating.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Iced Soul said:


> I don't think I do. At least, I don't realize I do it, if I do.
> I admit to definitely driving away guys I don't like who keep giving me attention, though.


Good for you, seriously. As a guy, my view is that the best thing a girl can do is be frank about her disinterest in a guy who shows interest in her. Far too many girls will milk any attention they get for all it's worth just to increase their own self-esteem (the whole phenomenon in which they go around "complaining" that "some creep keeps hitting on me," while blatantly encouraging it whenever they're around said "creep" ... yeah, I see it constantly and it makes me sick).


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Probably....they've had about 20 years to notice me. Now, it's almost too late.


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## blockhead (May 23, 2009)

anomalous said:


> Good for you, seriously. As a guy, my view is that the best thing a girl can do is be frank about her disinterest in a guy who shows interest in her. Far too many girls will milk any attention they get for all it's worth just to increase their own self-esteem *(the whole phenomenon in which they go around "complaining" that "some creep keeps hitting on me," while blatantly encouraging it whenever they're around said "creep" ... yeah, I see it constantly and it makes me sick)*.


You are so right..i hate it too.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

anomalous said:


> Good for you, seriously. As a guy, my view is that the best thing a girl can do is be frank about her disinterest in a guy who shows interest in her. Far too many girls will milk any attention they get for all it's worth just to increase their own self-esteem (the whole phenomenon in which they go around "complaining" that "some creep keeps hitting on me," while blatantly encouraging it whenever they're around said "creep" ... yeah, I see it constantly and it makes me sick).


Yeah, I think it's kind of sad, in my opinion. I've seen it a lot, too.
If you don't like someone, be frank about it. Why play with emotions or lead someone on, it's just wasting time (you could be focusing on someone else and so could they) and possibly hurting the other person's feelings.

That's just my take on it.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Purposely? No. Do I? Yes, SA side effect. (At least for the girls I'm interested in.)


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## Aurora (Feb 27, 2009)

You know, I did everything I possibily could before starting my current relationship... 5 years later, hes still here!
But yes, I still do.. drive people away from becomming too close. Either that, or I cease all contact with them until they disappear. I think its my way of dealing with a loss or rejection before it happens.


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## tree1609 (May 22, 2009)

i don't think i drive away guys, unless i don't like them i which case i don't want to lead them on. i think i might drive away a lot of guys and not realize it, i might come off as cold sometimes when i actually like someone, but im just really shy and i need time to get used to new people.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Some things just come naturally to me.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

Yes, I have driven some men to various places on purpose as like when I was in my twenties I used to drive my older brother around because he lost his license. Actually I have driven all my immediate male family members places that were away from where we were to begin with. Also, the next door male neighbor and his son sometimes needed a ride and that was quite a ways away, yes. It was 3 towns over. I have driven male co-workers home and also used to give a ride to the grandfather of my friend at church quite frequently. All on purpose, planned out. I only did it on accident once when my friends brother hid in my backseat of my car and I didn't know it til we got to the destination which was a way.


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## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

No idea. Probably to an extent. I'm getting more into the idea that having a significant other is not really important. I'm selfish and want to find out what makes me tick and go out and do that. I don't need someone else in my life to complete me or make me happy. I am responsible for my own happiness and choices in life.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Heh, what women are there to drive away? They've always avoided me.


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## Cerrada (May 26, 2009)

Do I do it on purpose? No. I'm all natural.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Yeah, part of it is SA. I often avoid the attention or don't reciprocate. I probably come off as a jerk, but it's better than setting someone up for disappointment or trying to explain something to them later.


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## leomouse (Dec 1, 2008)

sometimes but i usually tell them all my bad qualities because i'm scared that if they notice them themselves they won't really like the real me (that way if they're still interested i feel a lot more confident around them), i usually keep the good qualities to myself unless they notice them.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

A couple times I purposely did so.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

If they seem interested in me I do because 99% of the time they aren't someone I like back. Actually I'm pretty distant and aloof with just about everybody, I need to think somebody is really really super awesome before I'll let them get close to me.


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## Omnium11 (Feb 11, 2009)

Yeah I have done it every chance I've had.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Nope, I don't need to do anything on purpose to drive the guys away :b


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## mjatte (Feb 10, 2007)

yea kind of..come to think of it I should stop doing that..


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## AshenSpirit (Jun 1, 2009)

Yeah... 

It's kind of a surreal mix between doing it on purpose and doing it subconsciously.

Sometime I try to logically justify it, but I know I don't want to do this. I just feel like i want people to know the real me and see past all of my problems.


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## Hellosunshine (Mar 13, 2009)

I don't let a guy get close to me period! I always feel way too insecure and self-conscious. I don't feel good enough for male attention or that I deserve any.


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## Girl_Loner (Mar 17, 2009)

Zephyr said:


> Some things just come naturally to me.


heh,

Well I've always thought I could read body language/cues if a guy was into me, I read about what females did when they were with someone they were attracted to and MADE SURE that I never did any of those things. Not because I wasnt interested..I'm just so aware of my actions that it didnt seem natural and felt really obvious (to me) as if I was saying *I LIKE YOU* to their face..


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## Hippo (May 10, 2009)

i don't know how to smile and make eye contact.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

Yes because I always figure they think I'm confident (I can sometimes fake it okay), or like how I look (which is not that great anyway). I know that once they get to know me better they'll lose interest because of all my insecurities. So as much as I hate doing it, I try to avoid them.


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## Hank Scorpio (Oct 28, 2008)

Never had any need to _purposely_ drive them away.


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## pinklove (Oct 19, 2008)

Not on purpose, but unconsciously ya (it sucks)...I've driven away some great guys. Once they have interest in me I freak out and try to back out. It's scary letting people in and trying new things.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

yes


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## SlightlyJaded (Jun 5, 2009)

Yeah, I definitely drive men away. The more attention they give me, the more I withdraw into myself. Every time I talk to a guy who appears interested in me (which is rare, because it involves actually conversing with someone), I make sure I mention that I'm not interested in being in a relationship right now - which is a complete lie. I'm really tired of being alone, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself in a relationship. I wouldn't know how to make myself believe that someone actually wants to be with me. I feel like if he truly got to know me, he'd see all the flaws I see in myself and would just completely reject me, so I reject him before he even has a chance to get my emotions involved. It's a sick cycle that keeps repeating itself. It's really frustrating.


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## RoninDistance (May 23, 2009)

Yeah, I do. I don't take care of myself, let my beard grow, and don't really pay attention to what I wear. Even that way and being the anti-social person that I am, I know of a few women who are interested in me. I do my best to ignore them. I don't think I can handle being in a relationship, even if it's probably the thing I most desire. :sigh


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Yep. From here on out I'm trying out the lesbian life.


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Chance would be a fine thing. There's been no men to drive away. Though I do think I give off a certain vibe; 'get the hell away from me' or something to that affect. But that's for all people.


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

yeah I just recently did this. Basically I told her I was anti-social and had problems with forming relationships and to pretty much go away. I'm asexual for the forseeable future.


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## KumagoroBeam (Sep 15, 2008)

The idea of being in a relationship is as absurd to me as learning to fly. 
I never had to drive anyone away, because nobody ever showed any interest in me.


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## Zam (Nov 17, 2008)

I don't drive them away by purpose but, by my silence. It really bores them or frightens them I don't know for sure.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I think I do this by feeling things too deeply, wanting to give too much, wanting to share too much and expecting others to reciprocate... I don't mean right off the bat in a relationship but over time... I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months.

My boyfriend is totally driving me away. I think he feels guilty because he can't respond to me the way he thinks he should or the way he thinks I want him to, the way I do want him to. But, what he doesn't get is that I am willing to take what he can give as long as he is trying... as long as he is giving something. Right now he has pretty much shut down... I get hugs, hand holding during walks and that's it - nothing else. Maybe that is all he can give right now - maybe I should be happy he can still give that much. Maybe my expectations are too high for someone with SA - I wish I knew how much was too much to ask.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I think I subconsciously drive away women at times as I can be very closed in my body language when I am out. It's a sort of SA defense mechanism, to appear with a leave me be look. I'm also not very adept with flirting/signals & should I catch them I'm usually not sure how to respond anyway. My introverted nature may play a role as well because the more high maintenance gals want someone who can keep up so if you're not on top of the initial hint then they'll often just move on to someone who is


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I need not make any effort to drive girls away. Just being me seems quite enough to send them running.


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## supersoshychick (Jun 4, 2009)

most of the time, yep


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yes - if a guy hits on me or asks me out i always turn them down. the exception being one of the first times a guy i liked has expressed interest back, and i tried to get into a relationship with him but that was hell for me and i could not do it. since that was the first instance and it was an epic fail on my part, it really did affect my self-esteem regarding getting in a relationship with a guy, and even just interacting them anyone in general.


for a while i would purposely act cold towards a guy if a stranger showed interest, but i'm trying to at least act more friendly, while still politely turning them down. i'm just trying to work on my body language or minor skills that most people are fine with, e.g. eye contact, smiling, making small talk. i don't do it to the point where i am leading them on but those brief situations as good practice for when i like someone.



actually, even when i do even slightly like someone i tend to freak the **** out and am so nervous that i act incredibly awkward and i can't think. there's a guy i met recently and i got his contact info so i have talked to him briefly online. and i really want to get to know him better even if it's just platonic but i think he's way too awesome/cute to even pay attention to a painfully shy and awkward girl like me. i don't know if i'd be able to hang out with him one-on-one, and if i wanted to get to know him i'd have to since i met him randomly and not through people i know.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

I'll get to know someone then as i get to know them better i start to ignore their messages. I know this is shameful but i ignore them to make them worry about me...As a test of how much they care about me. I have extremely low self esteem...I can't imagine why any girl would be attracted to me and why they would want to be with me.

I get jealous when a girl i like talks to other guys, i actually give up on being interested in her because i am convinced that she wants to be with these other guys. I feel very inferior and inadequete.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

*Reply to Gaz's Comment*

You post was very helpful to me... thank you... I think this is what my boyfriend does to me. It is very hurtful but seen in the context of what you said it makes sense. I am so trying to figure this thing out - but, being on this site I can see that you are all doing the same thing.

caflme


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

I never have to drive them away purposly. I have a special, natural gift


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Not purposefully obviously, but I probably am without realizing it? :stu

EDIT:


gaz said:


> . I have extremely low self esteem...I can't imagine why any girl would be attracted to me and why they would want to be with me.
> 
> I get jealous when a girl i like talks to other guys, i actually give up on being interested in her because i am convinced that she wants to be with these other guys. I feel very inferior and inadequate.





Canadian Brotha said:


> I think I subconsciously drive away women at times as I can be very closed in my body language when I am out. It's a sort of SA defense mechanism, to appear with a leave me be look. I'm also not very adept with flirting/signals & should I catch them I'm usually not sure how to respond anyway. My introverted nature may play a role as well because the more high maintenance gals want someone who can keep up so if you're not on top of the initial hint then they'll often just move on to someone who is


^ both sum up pretty much everything...


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

No-Sturm-und-Drang said:


> Or if you are gay the same sex. I know i tend to do this. Everyone has been hurt by the opposite sex, I am not alone in this. I tend to purposely drive them away so they wont get too close. And now its become like second nature. Does anyone else do this?


yeah I do it
every time I see a girl looking at me 
I start picking my nose...


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## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

Yeah pretty much, _especially_ if I don't know them very well. It's more ignoring/avoiding them than anything.


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## xLinnyx (Jul 5, 2007)

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## elvm (Jun 28, 2009)

If there is one thing that terrifies me is someone that seems interested in me. Because A. Why would anyone be interested in me? and B. I won't be able to impress them at all. 
I also pretend that i'm not interested in anyone, which is so silly, and of course i won't make friends like that, but i can't help it.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I drive men away but it's not always intentionally.


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## pokeherpro (Jun 17, 2009)

For the most part, girls see right through me, which is really quite an accomplishment cause I'm a big guy. The only time I ever really talk to girls is online. Even if I like a girl I only know online, I will often talk about things you shouldn't talk about with a girl you are attracted to...like, my ex-girlfriend, sports, weed, my lack of life, etc. I desperately want to give another girl my heart, except it's laying on the ground in a billion different pieces. So I definitely drive them away, cause I can't give a girl what she might want from me if she liked me.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

The fact that a girl could even be attracted to me feels extremely foreign and surreal. I have liked girls in the past, but most have turned me down. On the rare occasion that a pretty girl i was attracted to did like me, i was too in shock to believe it to be the truth, and so it would always end up in this catch-22 cycle, much to my own abhorrence.

The last girl I dated it was the same type of situation and because she was so pretty i just freaked out majorly and ended up getting all socially anxious at about the third date, she then made excuses from then on to cease meeting up with me, i dont blame her. from memory i saw her in the arms of another guy not 2 weeks later, ugh.

So to answer your question, yes, i may be inclined to push the opposite sex away from time to time, that is ofcourse until i am _certain_ i may even stand some sort of chance or i am in the right headspace to start something else. but until such time, any girl who somehow finds me attractive and finds herself uncomfortable with social anxiety and any of my abnormal 'quirks', then she will just have to accept that.

There is this one girl i really like though, and she hangs around here fairly often. She's beautiful. Once again, don't think i would stand a chance tho..


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## Jurexic5 (Jun 23, 2009)

elvm said:


> If there is one thing that terrifies me is someone that seems interested in me. Because A. Why would anyone be interested in me? and B. I won't be able to impress them at all.


I tell myself these things too, and then I don't even bother trying.


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## fc045 (Jan 4, 2007)

Even if I get into a conversation with a girl I'm attracted to. I can't help it. One part of my brain says i should be flirting or trying to be funny , even try if I don't know how to. And the scared part says don't even try, and then I monotone something about work, or helping her find something, or some inane general topic, nothing flirty or funny at all, not even trying , actually NEVER trying. probably making a fool of myself is worse for my psyche, than any and all trying. Funny, I would still be the same probably when I'm at the end of my life.


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## fc045 (Jan 4, 2007)

It's more involuntary, than purposefully driving them away. And actually the competition's too tough. You always see the few guys getting all the girls to like them anyways. And if you really try, the girl is attracted to all the other guys , even not just the ones who always attract the girls. You really try, the girl gets annoyed, then actually try to hurt you by hooking up with some other guy, sometimes anyone else , you'd wouldn't expect.

It's like when you try, then the reaction is "ANYONE but you!". 

The only comfort is knowing what to expect and feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction when the prediction comes through. But it still hurts, badly.
As of this point, I try not to care, i.e. have other interest that probably doesn't involve people, but in the end, it still comes back to haunt oneself.


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

I know I do. I've been talking to this guy for a while from my school, and he's interested in me and I feel the same about him, but I'm starting to push him away. He wants to start a relationship in the fall when school starts up again, and I'm terrified of the prospect. Kind of odd, considering he's the one who was scared of a relationship initially since he was hurt in a serious relationship last year, and now I'm the one running away. Ironic.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

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