# My parents don't respect me



## melogna (Nov 19, 2013)

Hey guys, first I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Melanie and I'm a college student from NY. I've always had problems with social anxiety, primarily due to my mood problems, and hopefully I could get some support through this forum and in turn, get to hear your experiences dealing with SA.

This might be long, but PLEASE bear with me, because I'm in a huge rut and I would appreciate some feedback.

My parents have financial problems and it's the root problem of 99% of their fights. Their relationship overall has deteriorated to the point one could wonder why they haven't divorced yet. As a result, they take out their anger on me, or at least that's how it seems.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 12 (I'm 22 now), although I don't believe it was ever accurate. I was also diagnosed with depression. 

The thing is, every single mental health professional I've consulted agree that Aspergers was a misdiagnosis, but my parents don't. That diagnosis forever tainted my parents' perception of me. Ever since I got it, my mother, in particular, has judged me by that label - telling me I take things literally, my perception is off 99% of the time, I have "obsessions", etc. 

I stress that the diagnosis "tainted" their views because in any argument I have with them, no matter how irrelevant, they typically play the Asperger's card, saying I take things literally and my perception is off, which couldn't be further from the truth. They have nothing to back up those statements. It's practically their mantras already. 

The basis of most of my arguments with my parents is that my depression makes it hard for me to perform basic tasks around the house, like cleaning my room, helping around the house, etc. For this, they call me lazy and selfish.

I then tell them that they don't have to like the way I live. They can be frustrated, but that's no reason to call me lazy and selfish because it's not true.

One reason I don't come out of my room is because my parents have screaming matches VERY frequently and I want to drain it out.

My father will tell me that I'm just "punishing" them by not being part of the household. I responded to this with, "It's actually much simpler reason: when people make me feel bad about myself, I avoid them". 

Because of this I just want to sulk more. I'm in college, and I'm lucky that I even stay motivated to study. It's VERY HARD to do with my underlying issues. I get stressed when my parents fight, so I try to drain out the stress so I can study in peace. If i'm stressed, I get anxiety to the point I have to lie in bed, and this prolongs studying. Because of the way I've dealt with it, I've been getting straight As. This is what I do to try and get my life together.

I have literally sat down with my mother and went symptom by symptom of Aspergers she threw at me, explaining why I am the way I am, and why it is NOT fueled by autism. .
She laughed in my face and just waved her hand, telling me "no". 

To sum it up, I feel like the way my parents treat me, they're completely disregarding the fact that I have emotions and the capability of being hurt, and I feel like I've been emotionally abused. Might sound extreme, but if I had a boyfriend who did what they did, it certainly would qualify, wouldn't it? 

Important things to note is that I have NEVER called my parents names. My mother has had a habit of cursing me out ever since I was a child when I didn't listen to her. My father, in turn, would call me his favorite words: lazy and selfish, all while instilling Catholic guilt into me if I dare defend myself, such as "you should always respect your parents"... "you should be grateful because we feed you, give you shelter, etc."

Like hey, I didn't ask to be f-ing born, but of course - you're not really my parents, you found me on the side of the road and like the Good Samaritans you were, you took me in and took care of me, right? I didn't know taking care of your child was a courtesy. It's not like parents are BIOLOGICALLY PROGRAMMED to care for their children, no.

Meanwhile, I'm "ungrateful"? What have I done that's so horrible, disagree with their wacko and hateful opinions of me?? I was generally a well-behaved child; I always obeyed my parents, never did drugs, generally never engaged in risky behavior, always let my parents know what was going on- and I feel underappreciated! Where's MY cookie for being a good person??

I actually believed what they told me for years, that I was lazy and selfish, although I knew I wasn't at the same time. I figured, okay, my parents know better, and I have Aspergers anyway, so I'm probably wrong.

Now, in my life, I feel constantly guilty, even for no reason; I don't trust my own instincts, and I feel like other people's needs are way important than my own. I even feel guilty discussing it in therapy and on a website like this, because it feels like I'm "dissing" my parents, and then I hear their voices in my head, telling me how ungrateful I am and how ashamed I should be.

Only recently have I started to trust myself due to therapy and, well, growing up. Now I realize my parents both have issues. My parents are passive-aggressive, self righteous and yeah, they exhibit some really SELFISH behavior.

I feel now that I can't get close with my parents. It makes me feel so alone and it doesn't help my depression in the least. My goal is to try to not let my parents' comments cripple me. I want to be independent and my own person, and I want to be content and comfortable in my own skin.


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## 337786 (Nov 6, 2013)

your the punching bag and their the boxers ,i know you wish they could see you through your eyes but its not goin to happen any time soon focus on yourself accomplish things of your own desire <3 good luck


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Well, first...

Aspies don't have perceptions that are "off". They're more in tune with their environment than NTs and tend to be extremely adept at analyzing data and seeing patterns. We may have trouble when it comes to actual interactions with people, but when it comes to facts written down on a sheet of paper, we tend to see connections NTs don't.

Second, aspies don't tend to be "obsessed". We have thing we like doing and are fascinated by, but it's not an obsession. You may find it difficult pulling an aspie away from their lego creation, but we're not number junkies or something.

Third, we have a tendency to take things literally but we can in fact learn how to use language in vague and more complicated ways.

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The fact your father thinks you're punishing them and believes you to have a mental condition that you can't control suggests that he's employing doublethink. It is potentially emotionally distressing for him to consider that you're not normal, and views you as sick (many people do view people with AS as ill). As a coping mechanism, he also is blaming you perhaps because he may feel guilty.

But who knows, NTs are strange creatures. Your parents don't understand what AS is though, that's for sure.


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## Ryan358 (Feb 7, 2014)

This is a great thread! I feel as if I myself wrote it. Just bumping in case anyone else can contribute


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