# Is this normal in counselling sessions?



## Eppychu (Dec 20, 2015)

Hi,

I am not sure if I am posting this in the right exact place, sorry if not.

Basically, after a rough breakup nearly a month ago (be a month tomorrow), I have had a huge relapse in my mental health and have been struggling with depression and anxiety. These are problems I have faced before but this is the first time I've been able to afford some private counselling so I have been giving it a go.

So far I've been 3 times although the first time was an assessment. The last two times, whilst we got talking and got somewhere in what I was going through, it felt really awkward. Especially at the start, I would sit down, she would sit down, and there would just be a long awkward silence whilst I look down and twiddle my thumbs.

I've never been to counselling before so I wasn't sure what to expect but as this has happened at the start the last two times, I'm wondering if this is normal to have the awkward silence at the start? I was convinced I'd be asked questions and be put at ease but I just felt sick with nerves both times. 

My next session isn't till the 9th Jan now but I'm honestly not sure if I should continue with her or see someone else but I honestly don't know if I'd get a similar experience or not...I just don't know what is "normal" in these situations I guess.

Thanks to anyone for reading, I joined this forum a week or so ago and I've had a few nice PM sent which I plan to reply to asap, it's just been a rather busy time lately!


----------



## Boby89 (Nov 28, 2015)

It kinda happened to me as well, the awkward silence at the beginning. I don't know if it's normal either, but I just got used to being the first one to start talking.


----------



## likeaspacemonkey (Aug 16, 2013)

Quote Pulp Fiction and see what happens. Just kidding. It's completely normal. Just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, however silly or irrelevant it may seem. If she's any good it'll end up going somewhere. It's your space, go nuts with it. Though I understand you just started, so you're not comfortable yet. You could ask her to ask you questions, but in my experience the questions she'll ask will be predictable and things you could just say from the get-go, like how you've been doing or what you've done that week.


----------



## hereandthere (Dec 7, 2015)

Eppychu said:


> The last two times, whilst we got talking and got somewhere in what I was going through, it felt really awkward. Especially at the start, I would sit down, she would sit down, and there would just be a long awkward silence whilst I look down and twiddle my thumbs.





likeaspacemonkey said:


> It's completely normal. Just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, however silly or irrelevant it may seem.


Just as likeaspacemonkey said, totally normal. In a way, they're kinda supposed to allow you to feel uncomfortable. That's when the more interesting stuff tends to come to your mind, and it's when it's best to just blurt it out and see where it goes. It is, indeed, your space, as uncomfortable as that might sometimes be. "Think out loud," I always said to myself. So, maybe take a chance and think out loud, even if the first thought that comes to mind is, "I'm so uncomfortable!!!"


----------



## Eppychu (Dec 20, 2015)

Thank you all for the replies! Glad to hear it's sort of the done thing and yes so far we'll eventually get talking. I just hate the awkwardness though. I was told to say whatever comes to me but when that happens I feel so under pressure, my mind goes blank. I just feel sad and pathetic like I'm being judged for it...which is stupid, I know.

The last time I spoke to her too, right near the end of the hour, I got quite annoyed by something she said when I tried to explain why I can't make any new friends even when I've tried to do all the right things. So I guess I shall see what happens next in January

Thanks again for your responses! I don't really know anyone or have any friends in the same boat as me at all or would know/understand the situation I am currently in


----------



## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

What kind of 'counselling' is it?


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yeah, seems normal to me. The awkwardness at the beginning and throughout really. Every time you go try to have something to talk about. Bring up issues. If you don't feel like she gets you, I'm sure you can switch counselors/therapists.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Eppychu said:


> Hi,
> 
> Basically, after a rough breakup nearly a month ago (be a month tomorrow), I have had a huge relapse in my mental health and have been struggling with depression and anxiety. These are problems I have faced before but this is the first time I've been able to afford some private counselling so I have been giving it a go.
> 
> ...


The last time I tried counseling, this happened to me. I found the guy completely strange. I never went back for session 2. He hardly asked me any questions, just sat there looking at me. Ain't nobody got time for that...


----------



## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

They should have some kind of direction for you, I'd think. To get you going, get you started. Instead of having you sit there becoming more and more uncomfortable not sure what to say or do.

I've had bad luck with therapists, they've been pretty much useless all the times I've been to them. They barely talk to me or ask me questions and I just blather on about my life and thoughts. Such an easy job for them, they show up sit there do nothing and get paid.

Give them a nudge. Let them know your feelings about therapy, about what you want out of it, how you want things to go, what you need from them. They may think their approach, or lack thereof is helpful and not realize that it isn't, for you.


----------



## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Pretty much no point in 'therapy' unless its CBT or ACT. Anything else doesn't have an evidence base behind it afaik.


----------



## hereandthere (Dec 7, 2015)

Eppychu said:


> ...I just hate the awkwardness though. I was told to say whatever comes to me but when that happens I feel so under pressure, my mind goes blank. I just feel sad and pathetic like I'm being judged for it...


That's the sort of thing you might want to express. If you feel able, just say, "Uhm... My mind is kind of blank. Maybe because I feel like I'm going to be judged for whatever I might say. I just hate this feeling of awkwardness!" Been there, done that. Not saying it's easy to force the words out, but it can be a liberating experience.



Eppychu said:


> ...which is stupid, I know.


Not stupid at all. I would imagine most (all?) of us are very familiar with the feelings you described. Try not to be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. After all, by describing your own feelings as stupid, you're doing to yourself what you probably fear others will do you -- judging somewhat harshly. Let yourself off the hook if you can, Eppychu. I know it's not easy, but you can do it.



Eppychu said:


> The last time I spoke to her too, right near the end of the hour, I got quite annoyed by something she said when I tried to explain why I can't make any new friends even when I've tried to do all the right things. So I guess I shall see what happens next in January


I'd likely bring that up, too. Again, not easy. But it's important to feel that you can trust the person with whom you're working, and there's really only one way to do that -- say what's on your mind and let the chips fall where they may. If you don't feel like you can form a good relationship, so be it. It's not uncommon to go through a few before you find the right one for you.


----------

