# Worried about facial expressions when talking to someone



## 40watta (Oct 12, 2008)

Im trying to get over this problem where I focus so much on how I appear to the person im talking to that I sometimes lose track of what is being said. Especially when they say something that is supposed to get a smile/laugh and then id fake a smile just to make them feel comfortable while at the same time wondering if the person noticed my fake smile. This usually happens with people im not that comfortable around, but occasionally it happens with friends also. I hate it cause when im at home watching tv, my reactions and facial expressions are so natural and so are my smiles. I always say to myself, why cant I be like this in front of people?

Has anyone else had this problem?


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## Metallic (Apr 6, 2009)

I have this problem all the time! It's more everything physical than just facial expressions though. It's incredibly annoying because I know I'm acting strange because everything I do is forced versus natural. For example I'm always aware of how I'm talking and that's probably why I sound so dumb when I do presentations. It's like I put more energy in listening to how my voice sounds versus what I'm actually saying. I'm also always paranoid about how my body is positioned so if I'm sitting I may cross my legs, then uncross them, then cross them again, then put my hands on my lap, then cross my arms, etc. I'm even aware of how my legs are moving while walking around campus. It makes me wonder if I'm walking weird because of it.


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## 40watta (Oct 12, 2008)

Metallic said:


> I have this problem all the time! It's more everything physical than just facial expressions though. It's incredibly annoying because I know I'm acting strange because everything I do is forced versus natural. For example I'm always aware of how I'm talking and that's probably why I sound so dumb when I do presentations. It's like I put more energy in listening to how my voice sounds versus what I'm actually saying. I'm also always paranoid about how my body is positioned so if I'm sitting I may cross my legs, then uncross them, then cross them again, then put my hands on my lap, then cross my arms, etc. I'm even aware of how my legs are moving while walking around campus. It makes me wonder if I'm walking weird because of it.


lol yea I do that also, especially the walking. I always look in mirrors or reflections when im walking to see if I look weird. I guess the best solution is to not think about your physical appearance and just follow whats on your mind. So much easier said than done though =(.


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## vivienlyle13 (May 2, 2009)

*Fatal expressions*

I too worry about this all the time. I especially always worry that people are gonna think I'm lying when I'm really not. Sometimes it gets so bad that I actually can't even remember myself if I'm lying. It's so confusing. And I cannot pass a mirror or window without checking that I don't look weird. I worry people are gonna think I'm narcissistic or something but I'm really not at all. Not only do I pay attention to my facial expressions but I analyze the person I'm talking to as well to gauge their reactions to me. I'm fairly certain most of the time I read way too much into them. I pay attention to the way I walk so much that sometimes I end up tripping over myself in trying to correct myself. It's so stupid, but I can't help it. I'm always sabotaging myself.


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## 40watta (Oct 12, 2008)

well past couple days ive been improving alot with this. Basically I stopped putting people on a pedestal and just focused on the conversation and whats being said. That way I come off very natural and I could tell they were comfortable talking to me. I had a group study session last night and it went well. I conversed with two people all night and not once did I get anxious by just focusing on whats being said and just relax. Hopefully I get better and better and my sa will be done with. But I am definitely seeing progress. =)


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

My nervous smile feels very awkward and like it probably doesn't look "right". Sometimes when I'm stuck with a smile I can't get rid of, my lip gets twitchy. It's possible it's not even noticeable, but I don't know . . .


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## ThirdEyeGrind (Feb 7, 2006)

I still get this sometimes. My face actually use to hurt after a day at work cause of all the expressions I had to make myself make to look normal. I even told my doctor, "aren't facial expressions supposed to come naturally?" Its really annoying when it happens.


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

I get worried about facial expressions, because I have a natural snobby look. Too try and compensate I over do my expressions, so I look connected and then I'm worry how I look. I have been told I look stuckup, but I am not.

I can be in a neutral mood not happy not sad and I've been told I'm a grump. Anywonder I have trouble with facial expressions.


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## unconvinced (May 11, 2009)

My face is naturally in a moody expression. People take it the wrong way, but what am I suppose to do? Walk around grinning? No. 
I dont seem to feel the right emotion when I should, so my facial expressions don't reflect what I'm suppose to be feeling.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

i hate this because it like a "face lock" there is nothing you can do to change it. kinda scary actually.


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## yogonu (May 2, 2009)

Same here, I'm constantly trying to reconfigure my facial expression so I won't feel out of place, but I still do.


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## mirakaigh (Jun 5, 2009)

my natural expression is this :blank

lol, people are always asking me to smile more or if i'm 'mad' (which i'm usually not).

i usually just come back with my own request for them to frown more often, or if they're 'happy'


eventually i got tired of not only having social anxiety but having expectations from others lumped on top of that thereby compounding it, so just stopped caring about my expression.


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## wiselittleracoon (Jun 4, 2009)

I get like jaw or ear aches from smilling to much when I'm at my fiances parents house to show that I'm having a good time.There have been times when I was so nervous being around someone that my lips would like shake.I also went through a phase where my eyelid would twitch every time I got nervous.I don't know how I made that go away but I'm glad it did.lol.I just really hate when my face turns red.There is no hiding that.


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## 40watta (Oct 12, 2008)

Well I relapsed again at a family reunion/bday party. I made the mistake of intentionally being late and got greeted by tons of relatives all at the same time wanting to shake my hand and smiling at me. I had to fake a smile the whole time which probably looked forced, but I didnt want to come off as being cold, being that I havent seen some of these people in years. I find that im much better when its one on one or just a couple of people. Im still trying to work on this, maybe practice a facial expression that is warm and inviting without having to have an ear to ear grin.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

I can't smile whatsoever when I'm talking to a person that I don't know


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## PurpleLamb (Sep 16, 2016)

I can completely relate to this post. 
It's really not a good feeling to constantly worry about everything around you, and who's looking at each little twitch you have..
I often have trembling episodes too, most of them being in social situations, or when I constantly worry.
I've noticed it's easier when I just try my best to relax, but when I think too much, I can't even focus on what the person in front of me is saying, which is what causes more social anxiety, because the people can tell sometimes when you're not paying full attention. @[email protected] Which just makes the situation awkward..

I also have this feeling other people are better than me, for some reason.


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## SacherTorte (Sep 7, 2016)

This happens to me a lot. I find it difficult to express my emotions in some social situations, so I try to fake them. The harder I try, the weirder I look... Moreover I am not able to really pay attention to what is being said, and this increases my anxiety.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

Same. I'm not good at controlling my facial expressions but I tend to smile ALOT when I'm in social situations (so much that my jaw hurts sometimes) because when I don't people think something is wrong, guess I have a RBF. :lol


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## OneStarOneWish (Sep 12, 2016)

I have a resting b itch face so am probably not scoring good first impression points with people .


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Yeah. I was reminded of this again the other day. When people glance at me and smile and I'm expected to smile back to not be rude, I have a hard time forcing myself to smile back unless it's genuine. I just feel like smiling for no reason is a waste.

I also tend to have a stone face or whatever a lot of the time when listening to people talk, lol....I think this probably makes people uncomfortable. 

I also tend to not laugh at a lot of things people laugh at when in a large crowd of people listening to a lecture, lol. I feel bad for the speakers....hahaha.


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## HelianthusSpiral (Sep 17, 2016)

I had no idea so many people also experience this! It causes a "pasted on", grimacy (as my facial muscles tire!), non-spontaneous expression. I too have difficulty following the conversation as a result.

I find it helps to envision what the other person is speaking about, to replace the images of my own face. Just put your focus on Them, what they are trying to communicate through speech and subtler communication cues. If you focus on simply Being a vessel for information transfer, then your brain has no room for anticipatory thoughts. Anxiety is simply exaggerated, compulsive anticipation.


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## SacherTorte (Sep 7, 2016)

CurrentlyJaded said:


> I tend to smile ALOT when I'm in social situations (so much that my jaw hurts sometimes) because when I don't people think something is wrong, guess I have a RBF. :lol


Me too, my jaw muscles surely are very well exercised :grin2: People often ask me if I am sad or tired when I feel perfectly normal, and I believe my facial features are to blame (the eye area mostly). This is one of the reasons why I usually wear makeup, as with it I can slightly modify my features and look less serious/sad.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Your particular chemistry is such that you FEEL somewhat more than what is good for you and it seems you don't have a force in your life to help you sort out what's good and not so good to emotionally invest in. I know where you are coming from because I am a "feeler" too who once experienced what is often simplified as "fight or flight" (mostly flight) chemicals being released in my guts that cause blushing and SA, even stammering and shaky hands for some people. The cure for me was discovery--discovery that could only come about by first, learning yourself and your patterns, second, taking an SSRI medication, keeping expectations low but not giving up if results aren't quick, three, after about two or three months, take serious note of any softening of intensities, four, repeat until you feel you have subdued your-self consciousness somewhat or considerably more. 

You're then ready to practice convincing yourself that everyone else is also feeling self-conscious in some regards and they are concerned only with their feelings--not YOURS. When you finally start to discover that this IS THE TRUTH, you can start measuring yourself by how well you've changed to switch the tables on your feelings and build upon the confidence that has come by putting yourself into social situations and making it your duty to put others at ease that they are not being scoped out for defects and/or having embarrassing judgements made about them. This is how I have come to be. It took a few years but I arrived and never turned back. I still take the medicine because after a few days without it I start to see bad signs like becoming more temperamental and passively exaggerating frustrating things. No one wants to listen to me complain or cuss and whine. So, I stick to my therapy.


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## pearlgrey (Jul 31, 2016)

I have this problem too, I never know what to do with my face. I have it all the time when speaking to people (nowadays even my friends). I never know what my expression should be, when I should smile and where my eyes are supposed to be looking (I guess eye contact but I can't do that). I get so anxious I can feel myself getting hot and I just act so completely awkward I always embarrass myself. Even on the bus I get this because I don't know how to stand, where to look or what face to be making. Everyone else seems to be able to do a normal neutral face with ease but I always look awkward and strained. I can't carry a conversation because I'll get so fixated on what they're perceiving me as that I won't pay attention to what's being said.


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## In The Shade (Jun 26, 2016)

I have this problem too, for example I hate smiling because I have big crooked buck teeth and will often find myself trying to not laugh at things.


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