# A lot of guys/girls on SA keep saying they're ugly but they're not



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

I mean, you girls/guys have pics up and everything. 

Normally, I would think okay, maybe you have low self esteem, but some have a lot of pics up. If I had low self esteem, i wouldnt be able to choose THAT many pics i like of myself. 

Which leads me to wonder if certain people are only on here as a joke and if im wasting my time responding to some posts, like posts where good looking people put themselves down. :no


----------



## Imspartacus (Sep 29, 2012)

Yes, I've noticed this too. Luckily, I'm not like that. I'm a total hottie 

Of course anyone can feel a little down on themselves sometimes, even if it's undeserved. I guess they're probably just looking for some reassurance. Or they're just shallow and put way to much stock in appearance. Probably depends on the person.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

SA in and of itself is irrational, so why are you surprised that some people are less than optimistic about their appearance even if it's good?


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

rymo said:


> SA in and of itself is irrational, so why are you surprised that some people are less than optimistic about their appearance even if it's good?


i know SA is irrational and im not surprised that someone with SA would be less than optimistic about their appearance if it's good.. i just think that someone who really didn't think they looked good wouldn't post alot of pics of themselves and at the same time make really-what to me seem - exaggerated comments about how ugly they are. It just doesnt seem to fit to me. Maybe i don't get it, but when i feel ugly, i just wanna hide myself and i dont really want to bring up the fact that i look bad too much. I might say it as I explain to a friend why im hiding in my hoodie and trying to go home as quick as possible..but im not gonna say anything else about it. i dunno..:um


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Imspartacus said:


> Yes, I've noticed this too. Luckily, I'm not like that. I'm a total hottie
> 
> Of course anyone can feel a little down on themselves sometimes, even if it's undeserved. I guess they're probably just looking for some reassurance. Or they're just shallow and put way to much stock in appearance. Probably depends on the person.


I guess you're right... but it literally made me wonder if I think too highly of my own physical appearance in comparison to other people =P


----------



## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

A lot of people myself included have a little bit of narcissist to go along with the social anxiety. I think it has less to do with pretending that I have body image issues, as it does with fishing for compliments. A good number of SA people are perfectionists as well.

It feels good when someone tells you you look good, or that you have a nice picture or whatever. I rarely hear that in real life, so it's nice to hear it from random strangers on the internet.

This is just one variable, and I'm sure people have many different reasons for why they put their pictures up on here. I'm sure a bunch of people have BDD also.


----------



## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

There are a few who are probably trolling, but there's also a lot of people on SAS with body dysmorphic disorder. A common symptom of BDD is seeking validation, so the people you talk about may be seeking validation by constantly posting pictures. I don't think it's fair to automatically assume that every person complaining about his or her appearance while posting pictures is just an attention-seeker. Some of them are genuinely struggling.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

They are beautiful! I don't care how much I have to tell them that, I just hope one day it will sink in and they'll start believing it for themselves.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> A lot of people myself included have a little bit of narcissist to go along with the social anxiety. I think it has less to do with pretending that we have body image issues, as it does with fishing for compliments. A good number of SA people are perfectionists as well.
> 
> It feels good when someone tells you you look good, or that you have a nice picture or whatever. I rarely hear that in real life, so it's nice to hear it from random strangers on the internet.
> 
> This is just one variable, and I'm sure people have many different reasons for why they put their pictures up on here. I'm sure a bunch of people have BDD also.


I can understand fishing for compliments .. and I guess i dont know everything about SA, like BDD...


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> They are beautiful! I don't care how much I have to tell them that, I just hope one day it will sink in and they'll start believing it for themselves.


i think so too. I mean, there was this one guy i saw pic of today and i was just thinking... he's hot, what's he talking about.is he just being sarcastic? :idea


----------



## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> I can understand fishing for compliments .. and I guess i dont know everything about SA, like BDD...


Social anxiety varies wildly from person to person, some people have a hard time talking on the phone, but don't have a problem shopping, while others are the complete opposite.

For me, the internet is the only place I do not have any social anxiety what-so-ever, so naturally I can be a lot more outgoing.

I definitely have some issues with my body image, and I have a hard time in real life with thoughts of being inadequate looking. Sometimes we just need reassurance from our SA peers online.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> i think so too. I mean, there was this one guy i saw pic of today and i was just thinking... he's hot, what's he talking about.is he just being sarcastic? :idea


Hehe. Sarcastic, definitely not. They just can't see it. I used to have that problem too, so I understand it well. 

It breaks my heart that they can't see their own beauty.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> For me, the internet is the only place I do not have any social anxiety what-so-ever, so naturally I can be a lot more outgoing.


i feel the same way about the internet.

my SA also is/is not present based on emotional factors of the day.


----------



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

its hard to believe you're attractive unless you got real proof, as in, people are actually trying to get into a relationship with you.

So they put all the pics up to attract people, and if no one, or not enough people, or not a certain person/people gets attracted then they feel ugly. It is definitely not a joke!


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

_AJ_ said:


> its hard to believe you're attractive unless you got real proof, as in, people are actually trying to get into a relationship with you.


EXACTLY! Take me for example - I might get a lot of compliments on my looks or people saying i'm not ugly (especially from girls, which don't really mean much because i'm attracted to men), but if guys don't show interest or approach me in real life, and many guys are friends with me and say I have a great personality, then those compliments and statements are REALLY hard to believe! External proof means the most of all, because actions speak louder than words! :no


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

_AJ_ said:


> its hard to believe you're attractive unless you got real proof, as in, people are actually trying to get into a relationship with you.
> 
> So they put all the pics up to attract people, and if no one, or not enough people, or not a certain person/people gets attracted then they feel ugly. It is definitely not a joke!


I guess... i can see how if people aren't trying to get into a relationship w u, you can feel ugly... but if youre good looking, i bet you get hit on on the street all the time and you would notice that people are attracted so if ur issue is no one trying to get into a a relationship w u, i would think that makes me feel ugly on the inside, like damn... they must think I have the worst personality ever... thats actually how i feel when i think of how im relationshipless


----------



## Brasilia (Aug 23, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> I mean, you girls/guys have pics up and everything.
> 
> Normally, I would think okay, maybe you have low self esteem, but some have a lot of pics up. If I had low self esteem, i wouldnt be able to choose THAT many pics i like of myself.
> 
> Which leads me to wonder if certain people are only on here as a joke and if im wasting my time responding to some posts, like posts where good looking people put themselves down. :no


Tell it to Oprah...


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> EXACTLY! Take me for example - I might get a lot of compliments on my looks or people saying i'm not ugly (especially from girls, which don't really mean much because i'm attracted to men), but if guys don't show interest or approach me in real life, and many guys are friends with me and say I have a great personality, then those compliments and statements are REALLY hard to believe! External proof means the most of all, because actions speak louder than words! :no


ok, so you're saying that its hard for you to believe compliments on your looks/personality from people because guys you don't know on the street don't show interest/approach you?

but what does that have to do with posting pics on this site and saying you're not attractive when people on this site repeatedly say you are? What would the point of it be? it doesn't seem like the compliments would help anyway, because you dont consider them "external proof" or do you consider people's compliments on this site external proof?


----------



## squall78 (Feb 17, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> i think so too. I mean, there was this one guy i saw pic of today and i was just thinking... he's hot, what's he talking about.is he just being sarcastic? :idea


Oh cool you saw my post (jk)

Its hard to determine if we are attractive or "normal" if we've never gotten responses from not being in the "game"


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

_AJ_ said:


> its hard to believe you're attractive unless you got real proof, as in, people are actually trying to get into a relationship with you.
> 
> So they put all the pics up to attract people, and if no one, or not enough people, or not a certain person/people gets attracted then they feel ugly. It is definitely not a joke!


Exactly.

And then when you fish for compliments, people think you're attention seeking, and ignore you. Or at least they do me.


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Moongirlie said:


> ok, so you're saying that its hard for you to believe compliments on your looks/personality from people because guys you don't know on the street don't show interest/approach you?
> 
> but what does that have to do with posting pics on this site and saying you're not attractive when people on this site repeatedly say you are? What would the point of it be? it doesn't seem like the compliments would help anyway, because you dont consider them "external proof" or do you consider people's compliments on this site external proof?


It's not just random people on the street, even people I know don't show interest. I'm only seen as a close friend that's not "pretty enough" to date.

I do it on here mainly just to vent about it because I really thought that people wouldn't be like my family and friends who will always compliment me and say that my thinking is irrational. I thought opinions might be different from people who don't know me. I really feel alone in my thoughts so it's nice to go on here and see that some people feel the same way and experience the same things as me. I do sort of consider these opinions external proof, but it baffles me that despite the compliments, nothing in the external world is showing that the compliments are true. Everything is just confusing!


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

I'm ugly and i know it.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

squall78 said:


> Oh cool you saw my post (jk)
> 
> Its hard to determine if we are attractive or "normal" if we've never gotten responses from not being in the "game"


I can see that. I saw your post about your OK Cupid profile. I think for guys on sites to get a successful experience, they have to play the numbers game and message alot of girls, bc usually on sites, girls don't message guys... but also, keep in mind that if your message is not indicative of the fact that you read the girl's profile and are truly interested in her, she might not reply even if she finds you attractive.

A lot of guys tend to send messages that seem like they were copied and pasted and sent to all the girls on the site, which makes me NOT wanna respond... when i was on a site, i wanted a guy to point put something in my profile he really liked and also, i wanted a guy not to just obviously be messaging me simply bc he thought i was attractive.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> It's not just random people on the street, even people I know don't show interest. I'm only seen as a close friend that's not "pretty enough" to date.
> 
> I do it on here mainly just to vent about it because I really thought that people wouldn't be like my family and friends who will always compliment me and say that my thinking is irrational. I thought opinions might be different from people who don't know me. I really feel alone in my thoughts so it's nice to go on here and see that some people feel the same way and experience the same things as me. I do sort of consider these opinions external proof, but it baffles me that despite the compliments, nothing in the external world is showing that the compliments are true. Everything is just confusing!


I can understand that. A lot of times when i think about the compliments i get from family/friends/and creepy guys on the street who whistle, i wonder, why aren't at least some of the guys im interested in asking me out? Bc ive been single for a really long time. Sometimes, this makes me feel unattractive, but in general I am pretty confident in my appearance.

So, then it makes me think that the reason you and I and girls like us are not being asked out has nothing to do with our looks. Actually, this scares me bc i start to wonder if im just the worst person ever n the inside that people would rather date anyone than put up with me.... im sure my personality has something to do with it, but its not that bad bc i still have a good amount of friends... we need to ponder this more i guess...

but lets say a guy thta you really like/are interested in were to ask you out tomorrow... would that make you feel attractive?


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> Exactly.
> 
> And then when you fish for compliments, people think you're attention seeking, and ignore you. Or at least they do me.


im sorry this has been your experience.. if I ever notice you are fishing for compliments, I will make sure not to ignore


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

visualkeirockstar said:


> I'm ugly and i know it.


I don't believe this


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Moongirlie said:


> I can understand that. A lot of times when i think about the compliments i get from family/friends/and creepy guys on the street who whistle, i wonder, why aren't at least some of the guys im interested in asking me out? Bc ive been single for a really long time. Sometimes, this makes me feel unattractive, but in general I am pretty confident in my appearance.
> 
> So, then it makes me think that the reason you and I and girls like us are not being asked out has nothing to do with our looks. Actually, this scares me bc i start to wonder if im just the worst person ever n the inside that people would rather date anyone than put up with me.... im sure my personality has something to do with it, but its not that bad bc i still have a good amount of friends... we need to ponder this more i guess...
> 
> but lets say a guy thta you really like/are interested in were to ask you out tomorrow... would that make you feel attractive?


I know, it's going to be a long and annoying search for answers but I hope both of us come up with one soon! In the meantime I try to improve my personality as much as possible, and try to look less shy and closed-off. And if a guy I was attracted to/interested in did ask me out, I would feel attractive. Even if a guy just genuinely complimented me to my face it would make my year.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

When I said fish for compliments, I think you misunderstood me.

I meant that it is verified that I am not ugly, because I do feel, inside, that I am. I see pictures that are half decent, and I post them, hoping someone will not call me a monster.

Then, when they ignore me, I figure I'm right.


----------



## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I know I'm not good looking in my current state, but I'll still post a pic in case someone is curious to know what I look like.


----------



## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

post it! I'm curious.

I'm kinda defeatist when it comes to how I look. I don't think I look bad but could clean up and look better sure. 

Thing is logically me being un-attractive or ugly is the only thing that makes sense. I don't get compliments or checked out or (presumably) thought of in any naughty way at all. makes me feel ugly and creepy... and it just spirals down from there.


----------



## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

brownzerg said:


> post it! I'm curious.


They are in my profile which is what I was mainly referring to.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> When I said fish for compliments, I think you misunderstood me.
> 
> I meant that it is verified that I am not ugly, because I do feel, inside, that I am. I see pictures that are half decent, and I post them, hoping someone will not call me a monster.
> 
> Then, when they ignore me, I figure I'm right.


but if it is verifies that you're not ugly... and I misunderstood how you fish for compliments, bc i thought u fished for physical compliments... then how do you figure you're ugly on the inside ... and then post pics and when people don't "call [you] a monster" based on those pics, assume you're ugly on the inside?

are you expecting people to compliment your personality based on photos you post?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Moongirlie said:


> but if it is verifies that you're not ugly... and I misunderstood how you fish for compliments, bc i thought u fished for physical compliments... then how do you figure you're ugly on the inside ... and then post pics and when people don't "call [you] a monster" based on those pics, assume you're ugly on the inside?
> 
> are you expecting people to compliment your personality based on photos you post?


To answer the last question, not really. I know people like me, or at least tolerate me, here. 

The issue is that I look in the mirror one day, and think I look wonderful. Then I look in the mirror the next day, and think I look horrendous.

For example, I just looked in the mirror a few mins ago, and disliked the way I looked. An hour ago, I looked in the same mirror, and thought I was quite dashing. :mum

I have been diagnosed with BDD. And I know I look different in different photos. I just wish I knew if it was my personality, or looks, that are detracting women from wanting to date me? Or if it is my low self esteem and shyness?


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> So, then it makes me think that the reason you and I and girls like us are not being asked out has nothing to do with our looks. Actually, this scares me bc i start to wonder if im just the worst person ever n the inside that people would rather date anyone than put up with me.... im sure my personality has something to do with it, but its not that bad bc i still have a good amount of friends... we need to ponder this more i guess...


Guys don't ask me out either, but I'm sure it has nothing to do with my looks. A man wants more than just looks, he wants a girl that can capture his heart. And I am sure you and tbyrfan have sweet personalities, however, the shyness can hinder you both from getting dates. Not that it is offensive to men, but they think you don't want them to approach you. At least, that's the way it's been for me. I'm working on opening up more too.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> To answer the last question, not really. I know people like me, or at least tolerate me, here.
> 
> The issue is that I look in the mirror one day, and think I look wonderful. Then I look in the mirror the next day, and think I look horrendous.
> 
> ...


ok, i totally get this... right now i feel gross, fat, even... yesterday i felt pretty, skinny...

also, i hate sharing photos bc i dont think photos accurately depict how i look in real life... n that makes it hard for me to believe a dating site would work for me... and makes it hard for me in real like to keep the same level of self esteem going all the time


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Moongirlie said:


> ok, i totally get this... right now i feel gross, fat, even... yesterday i felt pretty, skinny...
> 
> also, i hate sharing photos bc i dont think photos accurately depict how i look in real life... n that makes it hard for me to believe a dating site would work for me... and makes it hard for me in real like to keep the same level of self esteem going all the time


Well, some photos I look good in. Some I look horrid in.

I guess I should be grateful that I'm not at the age where every photo will look horrid, but I still don't know if I'm loveable.

That is, to say, if being loveable is only for good looking people.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

I'd also like to point out, I don't gravitate toward men just because I find them physically attractive. In the same way, men are selective and are looking at the over all package. Does he find you attractive? Do you have the same values? Are you kind? Are you going toward the same goal in life? Etc...

He can check off beauty from the list but he needs to be able to check off the others. Not saying you fall short, you probably just haven't met him (your match) yet. And honestly, it is hard, it's hard to find someone you like, that likes you back. This whole love thing isn't easy, but I have faith it will happen.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

That's true, lily.

And for the same reason, I wouldn't want to be with just an attractive girl. Well, maybe just for sex, but personality counts a lot...I want someone who will be there in the long run, through thick and thin, and it can't be someone that I hate or will end up hating!

And I figure, if I have waited this long, I might as well wait until the right person shows up. I definitely am looking for the right person, but there are so many wrong ones.


----------



## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I know, it's going to be a long and annoying search for answers but I hope both of us come up with one soon! In the meantime I try to improve my personality as much as possible, and try to look less shy and closed-off. *And if a guy I was attracted to/interested in did ask me out, I would feel attractive*. Even if a guy just genuinely complimented me to my face it would make my year.


I think this is the issue where I feel ugly myself. My attractions are rarely mutual so =/

Nothing against tbyrfan, just usin' the quote as a point of reference. I truly hope that someone wonderful comes into your life and helps you to feel beautiful inside and out


----------



## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

I hate taking pictures of myself, and I don't think I'm really attractive, but I put them up so people know what I look like, and so they're not scared off when the see what I actually look like.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

When reading quotes from John Lennon, I feel much better. 

Because he definitely had some sort of inferiority complex. He would describe himself as a freak, an outcast, and as someone who was ugly and had a terrible voice. He was really hard on himself.

As a musician, I relate best to John Lennon.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

IcoRules said:


> I hate taking pictures of myself, and I don't think I'm really attractive, but I put them up so people know what I look like, and so they're not scared off when the see what I actually look like.


I can see how this would work to help people know what you look like... but im sure you dont scare people away


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> When reading quotes from John Lennon, I feel much better.
> 
> Because he definitely had some sort of inferiority complex. He would describe himself as a freak, an outcast, and as someone who was ugly and had a terrible voice. He was really hard on himself.
> 
> As a musician, I relate best to John Lennon.


Musicians can really make us feel better abt this topic... take for instance PINK!... when she said in her song "I hate being compared to Brittney Spears, She's so pretty, that's just not me."


----------



## stoolie (Feb 12, 2011)

tbyrfan said:


> It's not just random people on the street, even people I know don't show interest. I'm only seen as a close friend that's not "pretty enough" to date.


So if you would be rated high on a site like hotornot.com by hundreds of people, you still wouldn't believe it?


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

stoolie said:


> So if you would be rated high on a site like hotornot.com by hundreds of people, you still wouldn't believe it?


I don't trust the reliability of those sites. I've perused hotornot and the ratings are hugely inflated.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I don't trust the reliability of those sites. I've perused hotornot and the ratings are hugely inflated.


so ur saying the people who think they are hot on that site are ugly or just not really that attractive?


----------



## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Moongirlie said:


> so ur saying the people who think they are hot on that site are ugly or just not really that attractive?


There are hot people that are rated as hot on that site, and also ugly people rated as hot. Maybe it's because looks are so subjective for the raters. I don't think getting a rating of "hot" on that site says anything about how you look, whether it is positive or negative.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

For years I would look at myself in the mirror and I would think that I looked horrible. For over 20 years I was very overweight and I hated the way I looked. Now that I've lost a lot of weight I'll look in the mirror and sometimes I think I look good and other times I think I look bad. 

Most of the time I can't stand my photos. My mother one day saw some of the pictures that I have of myself and she told me that they don't even look that much like me.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

Really, what metric can you trust? Is number of dates, or number of times asked out, or number of googly eyes made at you directly related to how attractive you are? I haven't had a girl show interest in me in over eight years, does that mean I'm abysmally ugly?

I don't believe so. I'll never be a model, but I'm not going to send people running for the hills either. There's so many other factors at play here, you can't focus on physical attractiveness as the only reason people get in relationships.

For myself (and I bet for a fair few others on here), I'm pretty sure it's a lack of opportunity for people to experience me socially coupled with a negative attitude. These are both things I can work on, but they're both things that affect girls becoming interested in me and have nothing to do with how attractive I am.

All that is to say, I could be the hottest guy on here and still have social anxiety as bad as the next guy.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

And just as an aside, I think people posting their pics on here is great. I don't care if someone is fishing for compliments or not, or if they're seeking attention or not. If I can convince one person that they're attractive and worthy of a romantic relationship, then I'm satisfied with giving cheap compliments to a thousand attention-seekers.

And for what it's worth, tbyrfan, if that's a picture of you in your avatar, I think you're gorgeous. Beautiful smile. If I met you in real life, I wouldn't ask you out, but that's only because I'd be too scared


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've thought that the reason that I've not been approached is that I'm not that attractive. The more I think about it it's more of not going anywhere to meet girls that is the problem. I was almost never approached in school but I was when I was 14. I can say that there was 1 girl that thought I was attractive. If I would've stayed and not moved away then she would've been my girlfriend. I was attracted to her but I only lived there for a couple of months.


----------



## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Being attractive is only the start (for guys anyway). I know I must be attractive because iv had people tell me quite often. Confidence and knowing what to say is something thats just as important though. I find if your not that, then your looks count for barely a thing (for guys anyway).

Dating sites are a massive putdown of that confidence, with more guys joining now women get a bigger pick, and when a girl I like the look of doesnt even reply to me, it sinks my confidence


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

ravens said:


> I've thought that the reason that I've not been approached is that I'm not that attractive. The more I think about it it's more of not going anywhere to meet girls that is the problem. I was almost never approached in school but I was when I was 14. I can say that there was 1 girl that thought I was attractive. If I would've stayed and not moved away then she would've been my girlfriend. I was attracted to her but I only lived there for a couple of months.


you're prob accurate in this. I wish you luck meeting someone.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

pete24 said:


> Being attractive is only the start (for guys anyway). I know I must be attractive because iv had people tell me quite often. Confidence and knowing what to say is something thats just as important though. I find if your not that, then your looks count for barely a thing (for guys anyway).
> 
> Dating sites are a massive putdown of that confidence, with more guys joining now women get a bigger pick, and when a girl I like the look of doesnt even reply to me, it sinks my confidence


That works in reverse too though, everything you said-- i feel it all applies to me.. leading me sometimes to question my personality, ability to develop connections, etc... I'm sure for a lot of people, im just not their cup of tea, regardless of how attractive they may find me.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I think I'm just average looking.


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I think I'm average. When/if I say I'm ugly it's because thats what everyone else thinks I am.


----------



## DiceOfDiscord (Sep 9, 2012)

Hard to say. I have low self esteem but I don't think I'm ugly. I've seen ugly people. At the same time, people don't compliment my looks ever so I don't feel attractive. Plus my avatar on this site is a little gloomy lol so I don't get compliments on my looks on sas.


----------



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

DiceOfDiscord said:


> Hard to say. I have low self esteem but I don't think I'm ugly. I've seen ugly people. At the same time, people don't compliment my looks ever so I don't feel attractive. Plus my avatar on this site is a little gloomy lol so I don't get compliments on my looks on sas.


Aww Dice, the first time I saw your avatar, I thought, _she's pretty_. =D


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I find it annoying when anyone posts a picture of themself on a forum and adds comments bawling about how ugly they are etc. Just post the damn picture. It's especially annoying if the person is what most people would consider attractive. I'm not saying that everyone can't feel ugly(I'm no exception), but that type of fishing for praise is so annoying. If you like attention hoaring/need other people's opinions about your appearance - own it like a boss, no matter what you look like!


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

probably offline said:


> I find it annoying when anyone posts a picture of themself on a forum and adds comments bawling about how ugly they are etc. Just post the damn picture. It's especially annoying if the person is what most people would consider attractive. I'm not saying that everyone can't feel ugly(I'm no exception), but that type of fishing for praise is so annoying. If you like attention hoaring/need other people's opinions about your appearance - own it like a boss, no matter what you look like!


while i know how that can be annoying, i can see how it might be difficult for someone to be direct about this..what do u say?? I'm feeling really ugly today.. here are some pic of me, compliments would be appreciated.

then all those compliments would be literally asked for. While saying ur ugly and posting pics is an indirect way of doing this, it kinda makes more sense. ...

i dont have the guts to even put up pics =P... im always paranoid someone who knows me will see it, and tell people, forcing me to exact revenge in the form of a diabolical plan to destroy them hehe j/k.. but not completely :evil


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> while i know how that can be annoying, i can see how it might be difficult for someone to be direct about this..*what do u say?? I'm feeling really ugly today.. here are some pic of me, compliments would be appreciated.*
> 
> then all those compliments would be literally asked for. While saying ur ugly and posting pics is an indirect way of doing this, it kinda makes more sense. ...
> 
> i dont have the guts to even put up pics =P... im always paranoid someone who knows me will see it, and tell people, forcing me to exact revenge in the form of a diabolical plan to destroy them hehe j/k.. but not completely :evil


You still mentioned the ugly thing! Skip the ugly thing. There are other ways to be sneaky if you really feel a need to "ask" for comments. Ugh, I don't know. It just rubs me the wrong way when people do this.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

probably offline said:


> You still mentioned the ugly thing! Skip the ugly thing. There are other ways to be sneaky if you really feel a need to "ask" for comments. Ugh, I don't know. It just rubs me the wrong way when people do this.


lolol... i see your point, You could easily post photos and say you want an opinion for some made up reason.. i dunno, i never did it, so can't really say if it would work for people who do.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

probably offline said:


> I find it annoying when anyone posts a picture of themself on a forum and adds comments bawling about how ugly they are etc.


:lol I'm guilty of this. Though I managed to post a picture today without commenting on anything more than the slightly annoyed look on my face.


----------



## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

probably offline said:


> I find it annoying when anyone posts a picture of themself on a forum and adds comments bawling about how ugly they are etc. Just post the damn picture. It's especially annoying if the person is what most people would consider attractive. I'm not saying that everyone can't feel ugly(I'm no exception), but that type of fishing for praise is so annoying. If you like attention hoaring/need other people's opinions about your appearance - own it like a boss, no matter what you look like!


I think I am fairly good looking but I have been told that I have very low standards regarding appearances so it could be that I am doing the same when looking at myself in the mirror.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> I think I am fairly good looking but I have been told that I have very low standards regarding appearances so it could be that I am doing the same when looking at myself in the mirror.


Oh I never said that anyone isn't allowed to dislike their appearance! I just don't like it when people post pictures on forums etc and add text about how ugly they are just so people will be like "gguurl r u crazy u r so bötiful i'd die if u evr luk @ me u________u "

becuase it's annoying and "pretty" people do it more often than "ugly" people.


----------



## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

probably offline said:


> Oh I never said that anyone isn't allowed to dislike their appearance! I just don't like it when people post pictures on forums etc and add text about how ugly they are just so people will be like "gguurl r u crazy u r so bötiful i'd die if u evr luk @ me u________u "
> 
> becuase it's annoying and "pretty" people do it more often than "ugly" people.


Well it could be that the person is curious what others think of them or they could even have body dysmorphic disorder. There are hosts of reasons why people do this.

Sometimes I wonder myself because like I mentioned people have told me that I have very low standards of beauty. For instance I would be like wow that girl is really cute then the friends I am with respond by asking what the hell is wrong with me and that I should be ashamed of myself.


----------



## Manners1994 (Jul 25, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> I mean, you girls/guys have pics up and everything.
> 
> Normally, I would think okay, maybe you have low self esteem, but some have a lot of pics up. If I had low self esteem, i wouldnt be able to choose THAT many pics i like of myself.
> 
> Which leads me to wonder if certain people are only on here as a joke and if im wasting my time responding to some posts, like posts where good looking people put themselves down. :no


I do have a genuine insecurity regarding my appearance. The reason I have pictures up is because of a social reason really - If I am talking to someone and wanting to make friends with them then they might as well to a certain degree see what I look & act like even if it is virtually.

Although I am maturing more I think as time passes. Even though unfortunately for me some Women may find be repulsive there are others who probably don't and it's just something I should accept


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

probably offline said:


> Oh I never said that anyone isn't allowed to dislike their appearance! I just don't like it when people post pictures on forums etc and add text about how ugly they are just so people will be like "gguurl r u crazy u r so bötiful i'd die if u evr luk @ me u________u "
> 
> becuase it's annoying and "pretty" people do it more often than "ugly" people.


Im gonna have to agree with this. A lot more "pretty" people do this. That's what has me skeptical.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> I think I am fairly good looking but I have been told that I have very low standards regarding appearances so it could be that I am doing the same when looking at myself in the mirror.


Join the CLUB... lol. Sometimes, I wonder if I imagine how attractive I am. But I have those days when i feel soooo ugly, that it balances out haha... so maybe im not really overestimating my assessment that i am "reasonably attractive." Haha


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Manners1994 said:


> I do have a genuine insecurity regarding my appearance. The reason I have pictures up is because of a social reason really - If I am talking to someone and wanting to make friends with them then they might as well to a certain degree see what I look & act like even if it is virtually.
> 
> Although I am maturing more I think as time passes. Even though unfortunately for me some Women may find be repulsive there are others who probably don't and it's just something I should accept


Yea. There are guys who are not attracted to me and i think they are not as good looking as guys who are attracted to me, so there is a matter of preference in life... you can't control what you are attracted to.. and shouldnt blame others for being the same.


----------



## squall78 (Feb 17, 2012)

I've been told I am ugly more then good looking so I guess I need the validation. But the girls I was interested in never either so its really hard to tell where I stand.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

People who truly feel ugly are not going to post pictures of themselves.

I know for sure I never posted/wanted to post pictures of myself anywhere when I had severe acne.


----------



## lizzy19 (Jun 16, 2012)

TPower said:


> People who truly feel ugly are not going to post pictures of themselves.
> 
> I know for sure I never posted/wanted to post pictures of myself anywhere when I had severe acne.


 I agree


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I don't plan to post a recent pic of myself anytime soon. I'm still paranoid someone I know might find out. Yeah I did post a pic but it's like what 7 yrs old? Meh. :afr My low self-esteem gets in the way of a lot of aspects of my life. I think I'm ugly, therefore I am.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> *Well it could be that the person is curious what others think of them or they could even have body dysmorphic disorder. There are hosts of reasons why people do this. *
> 
> Sometimes I wonder myself because like I mentioned people have told me that I have very low standards of beauty. For instance I would be like wow that girl is really cute then the friends I am with respond by asking what the hell is wrong with me and that I should be ashamed of myself.


1. I wasn't interested in reasons, I was talking about methods.
2. I was generalizing.

also, TPower pretty much said it up there ^


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

i want to post pics of myself, but i dont want u guys to call me ugly... also, i dont want pity compliments.. haha, jk


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> I don't believe this


What if i was ugly?


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

visualkeirockstar said:


> What if i was ugly?


what if I'm ugly, too?

i'd rather be ugly than have a disease/cancer that kills me, hurts me daily... i think too much emphasis is placed on looks. Also, id rather be friends/more than friends with an ugly person who was good to me, than someone who is a soulless fool on the inside.. and ultimately, i hope to find someone to be with and they are the only person whose opinion i would care about regarding my looks.


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm repulsive, hence why I haven't got a picture up.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> what if I'm ugly, too?
> 
> i'd rather be ugly than have a disease/cancer that kills me, hurts me daily... i think too much emphasis is placed on looks. Also, id rather be friends/more than friends with an ugly person who was good to me, than someone who is a soulless fool on the inside.. and ultimately, i hope to find someone to be with and they are the only person whose opinion i would care about regarding my looks.


I cloud have a disease or cancer. Idk i haven't been to a doctor for years.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

visualkeirockstar said:


> I cloud have a disease or cancer. Idk i haven't been to a doctor for years.


Me too... damn. Maybe we should both get checked out.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Seosa said:


> I'm repulsive, hence why I haven't got a picture up.


I don't have one up either... it could be bc im ugly, and could be bc im paranoid that people who know me will find this.


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> I don't have one up either... it could be bc im ugly, and could be bc im paranoid that people who know me will find this.


Definitely the latter, plus someone on here could use for their own means, :um


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Seosa said:


> Definitely the latter, plus someone on here could use for their own means, :um


Oh, No!! i did not consider that last part... now i must be extra vigilant:sus


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> Oh, No!! i did not consider that last part... now i must be extra vigilant:sus


Vigilantee Warriors of the World Unite!


----------



## samwell9b (Oct 13, 2012)

_AJ_ said:


> its hard to believe you're attractive unless you got real proof, as in, people are actually trying to get into a relationship with you.
> 
> So they put all the pics up to attract people, and if no one, or not enough people, or not a certain person/people gets attracted then they feel ugly. It is definitely not a joke!


This summarises things up for me and my situation! I am 25 never been in a meaningful relationship and just always feel there's something massively wrong! 
It is a massive thing I am very hung up about but seems impossible to fix as it's like a never ending negative cycle of destruction. The longer iy goes on the worse I feel the less confident I become! Not really worked out how it's going to all change. People say don't go looking for it, it will come to you but I don't see it like that.


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

"_AJ_" put it perfectly, it's human nature, we need reassurance and when we don't get it we feel worse


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

people are posting pics of themselves on this thread: * Post a pic of yourself RIGHT NOW

and i am looking thu it right now. One guy has his shirt off... i mean, c'mon.. he can't this he's ugly and post that at the same time, tho,im pretty sure he made that comment... i dunno.. maybe im confused :sus
*


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> people are posting pics of themselves on this thread: * Post a pic of yourself RIGHT NOW*
> 
> *and i am looking thu it right now. One guy has his shirt off... i mean, c'mon.. he can't this he's ugly and post that at the same time, tho,im pretty sure he made that comment... i dunno.. maybe im confused :sus*


If you really want to, do it,


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Moongirlie said:


> people are posting pics of themselves on this thread: * Post a pic of yourself RIGHT NOW*
> 
> *and i am looking thu it right now. One guy has his shirt off... i mean, c'mon.. he can't this he's ugly and post that at the same time, tho,im pretty sure he made that comment... i dunno.. maybe im confused :sus*


One look at that thread tells you everyone here is hot. :-D I have those same insecurities at times though.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

samwell9b said:


> This summarises things up for me and my situation! I am 25 never been in a meaningful relationship and just always feel there's something massively wrong!
> It is a massive thing I am very hung up about but seems impossible to fix as it's like a never ending negative cycle of destruction. The longer iy goes on the worse I feel the less confident I become! Not really worked out how it's going to all change. People say don't go looking for it, it will come to you but I don't see it like that.


i guess i can understand this.. but how are u looking?? i think this fraze can get really confusing: "People say don't go looking for it, it will come to you."

what do "people" mean by "looking?" ... and is it the same for girls and guys, considering guys are supposed to be hunters/pursuers??? How can guys pursue if they don't look? Can they just browse all the places they frequent for potentials and then pursue???

WHat about girls?? Are they allowed to browse the places they frequent, according to this? Are they supposed to wait for the guys to "come to them".. and how to the guys "wait for the girls to come to them" in the same situation?


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

Seosa said:


> If you really want to, do it,


lol no... if i wanna see what i look like, i will send you a pic in a private chat, but im am not posting there... i really think im fine looking, i dont have a problem with my looks most of the time.. its my personality that i fear it not well liked... im a bit weird, and most people think its too weird for their taste... also, im outspoken, sarcastic..and a smarta$$ lol... i can be annoying too =P.. im sure someone, somewhere, will like this whole package ... someday.. ughhh... i feel like explaining every last thing when i write.. i cant do this anymore lol..


----------



## Seosa (Oct 13, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> lol no... if i wanna see what i look like, i will send you a pic in a private chat


Erm, feel free,


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Moongirlie said:


> Me too... damn. Maybe we should both get checked out.


Nope. Not anytime soon.


----------



## brownzerg (Jan 8, 2012)

its hard to post up recent pictures of myself since I don't have much of any really. I've tried to put what good ones I do have up in the olde profile, as well as in some of those member photo album threads in a "am i ugly or what?" kind of capacity. 

I don't usually make as big of a splash as some do but I did get one positive comment that made me feel special.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I wish I had some pictures from when I was in my 20's and 30's. The only older pictures that I have are from when I was a kid and ones from high school.


----------



## Moongirlie (Jan 1, 2012)

i really think if people truly just dont feel attractive and post that they are ugly and post their pic along w it, to get a second opinion, then its cool.

And it might just be my high level of skepticism that just thinks some people really think theyre hot and are just posting anyway for some reason, but then again, who am i to judge, if they feel an emotional need to do so, then who am i to judge that need... so go on ahead, people..


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I want to be considered hawt.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I don't consider myself ugly anymore and I actually muscled up the courage to post some pics. :um. I mean, even in my eyes I'm average looking, which is fine I guess. Some days though in the morning I look at the mirror and think to myself, man look at that ugly mug. It's all in my head, as I said before, sometimes I think I'm ugly, therefore I am. People who scowl all the time aren't attractive. :stu. Well, for the most part.


----------



## Scorpio90 (Oct 17, 2012)

If I love someone, he, in my eye, has a flawless beauty  So, plz don't think so much abt ur looks, cuz in ur beloved ones' eyes, u'r still the most beautiful


----------



## Guldove (Oct 17, 2012)

I wouldn't really care about people's private endeavors here if we didn't have so many thread derails arguing over their appearance, and those of us with self-image issues who are not very attractive and don't have the courage to post our pictures didn't have to listen to the ceaseless flood of compliments some receive outside of picture sharing threads.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I need to post a picture of myself when I was in my early to mid 30's. I weighed a lot more back then. I hated the way I looked back then.


----------



## CrimsonRaven (Apr 3, 2012)

For 11 years I dealt with low self-esteem but nowadays I have some really high self-esteem, I actually think I'm pretty hot lol.


----------



## whatyoumustthink (Apr 25, 2012)

I've had mixed responses to the point of confusion over the years, but basically most girls have acted as if I'm unattractive, therefore I accept that I can't be that great. I agree that it would be really painful for others to sit back and see a blatantly attractive person getting their desired prophecy fulfilled with compliments, though, (I say that as if it's not me, I've had to deal with it on other contexts) and that's something of a grey area.


----------



## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

If I looked like the best picture that I have of myself everyday, then I would be ok with it.
But how I normally look is far different from the pictures that I have of myself.


----------



## Joan Of Narc (Dec 8, 2011)

I know I'm not considered attractive by most beauty standards...


----------



## ThatLonerChick (Feb 4, 2012)

Hmm... well I guess I'd consider myself okay looking but definitely not attractive.. even though I post a lot of pics of myself lol :/


----------

