# uncomfortable being touched



## hope76 (Jul 19, 2011)

does anyone else experience this?? any touching of any kind just makes me extremely uncomfortable. i can't even hug my own mother...i have no idea how this has developed or why but i really think it might be holding me back in dating and stuff (alongside many other issues). i have difficulty even just sitting in a cramped car with my friends when our legs might brush against each other...can anyone else relate to this or know how to get over it??


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## alwayswannabe (Jul 18, 2011)

you might feel unsecured. you should just relax and trying to enjoying the touch. maybe you can starts owning a pet like a dog or a cat.


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

I always pull back whenever someone touches me as a reaction. I use to get hit a lot from my father / bullies in school when I was younger so it ingrained the reaction into me. 

Its going away with time. However it is kinnda annoying to have your arm snap back the second someone reaches out to touch you; makes ya look like a spaz. :/


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

OpiodArmor said:


> I always pull back whenever someone touches me as a reaction. I use to get hit a lot from my father / bullies in school when I was younger so it ingrained the reaction into me.
> 
> Its going away with time. However it is kinnda annoying to have your arm snap back the second someone reaches out to touch you; makes ya look like a spaz. :/


Thats so weird.. I was physically abused by my dad too a lot maybe thats why hugging people i dont know well feels weird.. never make the connection.. people touching me im not EXTREMELY comfortable with makes me flip out a back and snap back.. i may try to do the hug back but u could prob see it on my face id rather do a back pat and be like ok now.. moving along lmao.. 
ill try to get over this though it is really stupid bc people r just showing u love


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## luffy (Jun 2, 2011)

I agree with the pet suggestion.


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## JanaNanner (Jul 20, 2011)

I have some problems being touched as well, even by my own family. I can't hug my father and hugging my mother makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, even though I allow her to hug me when she initiates it. Hugging outside of my family is very difficult for me, even though there have been times when I have wanted to. For instance, there have been times when someone has been upset and I've wanted to offer them my shoulder or hug them, but I just can't. Then the other day a guy put his arm around me and I pulled away from him as if he had a disease... o.o;;

I do want to be the kind of person that is open to physical intimacy across the spectrum and I have no idea why it is so difficult for me.


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## s0dy (May 23, 2011)

I fail to see the connection between feeling uncomfortable being touched and owning a pet. Most of us have problems with people, not other animals.
I've owned a pet since I was 5 years old and the only physical contact, with humans obviously, I'm completely comfortable with is handshakes (of course, not counting with physical contact while playing sports or something like that, I'm talking about reasonably intimate contact)
No matter if it is family or stranger, friend or foe, anything that is not a handshake makes me really tense.

To be completely honest, I think the only way it gets better is with practice (ie. the more you get hugged/kissed/whatever the less you'll feel uncomfortable). Which is quite a problem for most of us...


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## roxyruby (Apr 20, 2008)

hope76 said:


> does anyone else experience this?? any touching of any kind just makes me extremely uncomfortable. i can't even hug my own mother...i have no idea how this has developed or why but i really think it might be holding me back in dating and stuff (alongside many other issues). i have difficulty even just sitting in a cramped car with my friends when our legs might brush against each other...can anyone else relate to this or know how to get over it??


Anyone having this experience would be extremely uncomfortable and unhappy. :afr

It sounds like obsessive negative thoughts about unsignificant, petty, meaningless things.

The disorder in your mind will lie to you that the tiniest social things are extremely dangerous and meaningful. It's just a lie.

DON'T LISTEN TO IT'S LIES - DON'T LET IT WIN. LET THE WELLBEING OF YOUR LIFE WIN.

*!!!!!!!!!The wellbeing of your life is highly significant and meaningful & completely overrules small, petty, meaningless social things/social whatever!!!!!!!!!*

~Health, Strength, & Wellbeing


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I hate being touched. I don't how intimacy will work with me.


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## nmpennea (May 16, 2011)

I don't let people most touch me. One day a guy at work touched my shoulder and I started to shake.

But my close friends and family I don't have issues with.


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## lissa530 (Oct 29, 2009)

I definitely used to feel that way and I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the way I grew up. My family did not for the most part show much emotion and could be kinda "cold" at times. I also can only think of a few times when we hugged. Now I am much more comfortable with physical contact.


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## SolaceChaser (Jun 8, 2009)

hellll no


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## StarlightSonic (Jul 12, 2011)

I can relate to this. I hate being touched. 
I have a lot of pets but that doesn't make any difference to the way I feel around people.


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## 161 (Jul 12, 2011)

i love being touched........just no one likes touching me


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## Shooterrr (Jul 19, 2009)

It's kinda of weird but sometimes when someone touches me by accident and I don't see it coming I sot of twitch a little. I don't get "touched" often so when it does actually happen I'm not used to it.


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## Peanutbutter Toast (Jul 20, 2011)

I don't know if "hate" is the right word. I think it's the first word that comes to mind, but honestly, I think I would love to be able to enjoy physical contact. And yet somehow it bothers me. It's like a knee-jerk reaction that doesn't stop, I guess. 



I'm surprised, though. I always thought my problems with being touched were separate from my social anxiety. But a lot of people here seem to be the same way, so I guess there's a correlation.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

Peanutbutter Toast said:


> . I'm surprised, though. I always thought my problems with being touched were separate from my social anxiety. But a lot of people here seem to be the same way, so I guess there's a correlation.


I think this is an introversion thing? This seems to be common in AS/autism also. Maybe we want to be in control of when the hugging/touching occurs? Or we have a larger personel space? I hated even being touched/kissed/hugged by my parents. Even if a partner comes and hugs me when I'm doing something I get very angry and irritated but when I'm in the mood, it's a totally different story.


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## s0dy (May 23, 2011)

Peanutbutter Toast said:


> I'm surprised, though. I always thought my problems with being touched were separate from my social anxiety. But a lot of people here seem to be the same way, so I guess there's a correlation.


In my "couch psychologist" point of view, I'm starting to think SA is not so much a distinct disorder, but mostly a end result of a mix of other disorders.
Probably real psychologists would disagree and that's the reason why I'm not a real one. 

But, as Kon said, maybe it's just an introvert thing.


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## 161 (Jul 12, 2011)

it seems to be people on here are either desperate for human contact(me) or dont like it, so that is interesting(to me anyways)


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## wootmehver (Oct 18, 2007)

I have always been pretty obsessed with sex which is hilarious considering I dislike being touched.


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## Kon (Oct 21, 2010)

Kevco said:


> I have always been pretty obsessed with sex which is hilarious considering I dislike being touched.


The former serves a purpose/function while the latter does not? Maybe it's kind of why some of us hate small talk, hands-shaking, greeting people by names, clapping after a speech, making toasts, congratulating people, etc. I have a lot of trouble understanding why we do this stuff in most cultures. Even some ceremonies. What purpose do they serve?


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## wootmehver (Oct 18, 2007)

Social rituals serve the function of reassuring others that you believe that behaving in a friendly and comprehensible manner is important and acknowledges the importance of group think. It's a kind of social glue. I'm sure it has its roots in evolutionary psychology.


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## NaturalLogOfZero (Sep 29, 2010)

It's weird, I have had that discomfort with touch for as long as I can remember. Touching other people, brushing shoulders or hand shakes always leaves me feeling weird. More intimate things like sitting beside someone, or being forced to lean into someone on a busy bus sends a shiver down my spine. It's always worse with girls. It's like I'm afraid my touch is going to offend them or hurt them. 

Growing up, my mom had issues with her TMJ (nerve in the jaw I believe?). Well it made her very sensitive to vibrations. I was always being scolded for touching her chair or other weird things like that. It was like my touch was tortureous. Or maybe the light physical abuse I endured by my brothers causes it...


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I'm uncomfortable being touched by the sharp end of knives.


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## Peanutbutter Toast (Jul 20, 2011)

*Pokes BetaBoy90 with the sharp end of a knife.*


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## hope76 (Jul 19, 2011)

i guess with me it is not that i hate being touched. i do want physical contact. it's just that i guess i don't really know how to respond to it and i always think about everything too much. i am not totally comfortable with acknowledging or expressing my own emotions and feelings so when someone expresses something towards me i just get extremely anxious and nervous and usually respond in a very awkward way by saying something stupid or making awkward gestures. i never initiate any sort of physical contact because i don't want to be rejected and i don't want people to think i am being weird or being a creep. and when someone tries to touch me or hug me i always think "what is behind this? why is this person hugging me? what should i do? what are their emotions right now to make them do this?" and then, if other people are around and someone tries to hug me i am just like "what are these other people thinking about me doing this?!?!?!" and, if someone touches me or something, it means that at that moment they are focusing all of their attention on me, which i am definitely not comfortable with


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## hitthelights (Feb 21, 2011)

I don't like people touch my head or back of my neck.. freaks me out.


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## OpiodArmor (Jun 15, 2011)

kathy903 said:


> Thats so weird.. I was physically abused by my dad too a lot maybe thats why hugging people i dont know well feels weird.. never make the connection.. people touching me im not EXTREMELY comfortable with makes me flip out a back and snap back.. i may try to do the hug back but u could prob see it on my face id rather do a back pat and be like ok now.. moving along lmao..
> ill try to get over this though it is really stupid bc people r just showing u love


Yeah it is probably why you act like this. Almost everything that happened to you as a child affects you as a adult; I'd go as far as to say everything.

And yeah, you should try to get over it while realizing it. It is a huge advantage to realize why you are how you are; hence why people pay so much for shrinks, lol.

I've gotten better with the whole accepting physical affection ... however it still feels strange regardless of how much I think about it. The same goes for compliments; for the longest time I could NOT accept one... at least I've gotten that one fixed. ;D!

Best of luck boss.


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I always flinch or step back when someone randomly touches me. i.e. tapping my shoulder or putting their hands over my eyes for a stupid game of Guess Who? 

Sometimes the last thing I want is to be touched and other times I'm desperate for it. 

It depends on who touches me. If it's someone I don't care for touching me in some way I'm gonna dislike it. A lot. If it's someone I'm fond of then I'd welcome it.


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## Owl Eyes (May 23, 2011)

I can relate to everything you said, how it holds you back from dating, sitting in cars, etc. I don't really know self-help methods of fixing this though


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## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

I don't want to be touched either unless it's by someone who i'm into...so, basically it's been forever since i've been touched & enjoyed it.

I can't remember the last time i've hugged my parents, were just not the touchy feely family & i'm perfectly fine with that. If I hugged my parents they would probley assume i'm really, really high.


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I do feel a little uncomfortable, mainly because it's so foreign to me. (Aside from handshakes)

I don't even hug or touch my own family, I guess it would depend on who it was (doing the touching :b) and the circumstances surrounding the paramount event.


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## seriouskid (Jul 17, 2011)

I feel disgusted when people touch me. It's like being uncontaminated with something hideously dirty.
Being touched by my family feels worse than being touched by others... I don't know why this is? (N.T.S. Maybe I should explore this with my psychiatrist or something...)

It wasn't always like this, for e.g. I used like to physical contact from my mum the most. We didn't talk much but I used to love being held. Sometimes when I'm drunk and miserable, I wish that my mother would hug me. Weird, eh?

My dad (who almost solely brought me up) didn't hug me at all when I was kid and rarely showed any affection. First time he hugged me was post-mental health problems and so I don't see any affection from him as genuine.

Nowadays I physically recoil or flinch if I can't prevent someone from touching me. I actually attempt 'to wipe it off on something'. I've found this momentarily helps... 

I was given a tip by someone a while back on this issue. Which has already been mentioned but it's a good one so I say it again  : Touch has to be slowly reintroduced by 'safe' things like touching/stroking/hugging a pet or soft toy etc... I try that occasionally, it's sort of like practising a kind of intimacy, I think... I dunno... :blank


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Kevco said:


> I have always been pretty obsessed with sex which is hilarious considering I dislike being touched.


I'm pretty much the same. Also the idea of getting sweaty with someone and exchanging bodily fluids kinda grosses me out. The handful of times i had sex i felt really dirty after.


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## josh23 (Nov 26, 2010)

I love being touched, but it is anxiety raising. I shake a fair bit.


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## tropic (May 28, 2011)

I don't really mind hugs/handshakes/kisses, but I feel really uncomfortable when people touch my face. I like it, but I feel weird and awkward when someone does that. And I'm not talking about strangers (that would seem weird to anyone, I guess), I'm talking about people close to me.


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## Bethy (Jun 23, 2011)

Yeah I'm the same way. I can hug my Mother and all, but it can't last for more than a few seconds and then I'm done. As far as anyone else touching me? It creeps me out. I have to wash my hands a million times afterwards.


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## Iamjohn (Aug 16, 2010)

I don't have it to the same degree as you, but I can't stand be stroked or affectionately touched. Not that it happens very often, but when it does I find it very irritating.


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## cpben (Jun 10, 2015)

*help me please*

hi im not here for me but for my friend she hates being hugged or touched and not just me but all of her friends so if anyone has suggestions that would be great


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## sporteous (Mar 26, 2012)

s0dy said:


> In my "couch psychologist" point of view, I'm starting to think SA is not so much a distinct disorder, but mostly a end result of a mix of other disorders.
> Probably real psychologists would disagree and that's the reason why I'm not a real one.
> 
> But, as Kon said, maybe it's just an introvert thing.


How do we get these disorders though?


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## sporteous (Mar 26, 2012)

Kon said:


> The former serves a purpose/function while the latter does not? Maybe it's kind of why some of us hate small talk, hands-shaking, greeting people by names, clapping after a speech, making toasts, congratulating people, etc. I have a lot of trouble understanding why we do this stuff in most cultures. Even some ceremonies. What purpose do they serve?


Sex serves a purpose; obsessively thinking serves no purpose. Therefore obsessively thinking about that which serves a purpose negates the purpose because we are uncomfortable even with simple touch. Perhaps the purpose of obsession is to occupy the mind from unpleasant things.. maybe? Maybe some of us hate people being congratulated and applauded because we think we'll never be on the stage, under the lights with attention on us and although we feel incapable of doing that, deep down we want the attention.


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