# Why bother adding people to facebook if you're not gonna at least try to talk?



## primalrose (Sep 28, 2010)

I've really tried to go out of my way to chat to people I've recently added, some who've added me, and on other places on the internet too, but inevitably, they seem to have other things to do. I get the world does not revolve around me, people are busy sometimes and have other priorities, naturally. But if you add somebody at least try to talk to them and get to know them eh? If you visit these forums, I presume you are adding them to improve yourself socially. Treat them like they exist and make them feel comfortable. I always do my best even if makes me my anxious beyond belief. Cause that's sort of the point, isn't it? I want to talk to like-minded people and try to improve my SA. 

I find the majority of the time I am the one who is trying to initiate convos and they give off the vibe they don't care. Even people I've added here, do not even make an attempt to talk. Or they talk once and never bother to chat ever again! Why bother adding somebody then? I feel so disheartened.

Sorry I'm ranting. And I'm not trying to attack anybody. It's just disheartening when you feel like people are ignoring you for whatever reason. I'm also just wondering if anybody is feeling the same way.


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## Grimsey (Apr 21, 2012)

Facebook is based on people's tendency toward self-centeredness. More friends means more people looking at _my_ updates. It's a sea of people who are speaking without listening.

I suggest deleting facebook entirely, unless it's the only line of communication available.


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## primalrose (Sep 28, 2010)

Grimsey said:


> Facebook is based on people's tendency toward self-centeredness. More friends means more people looking at _my_ updates. It's a sea of people who are speaking without listening.
> 
> I suggest deleting facebook entirely, unless it's the only line of communication available.


Unfortunately I think you are speaking the truth. I'll try some other outlets. Thanks.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Everyone I've added from here I've messaged. Though I do see your point some people don't bother responding at all, oh well.


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

For most people, Facebook is just a popularity contest. I suggest deleting those people who are clearly just there to fill up their numbers and instead focus on the ones who do want to talk.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Wow - this thread is a reminder that I should try and send message to some people on my SAS Friends list. :um


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## Shadow2009 (Sep 25, 2010)

I think it's probably better to get to know the person on here first before you add them on Facebook. Posting your link and going "add me" doesn't tell you anything about yourself. Just because we all have SA doesn't mean we have anything else in common 

At least if you speak to someone on here first for a while you get an idea if you can properly be friends with them or not


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## jgentle (May 23, 2012)

Ill add people b/c they are interesting and then not talk to them and Im sure people do with me
the right moment doesnt come sometimes or just hasnt yet
I dunno Ive had people on there for years Ive never talked to then years later we suddenly start talking
its timing, the format is difficult there as someone mentioned
lots of people are just playing vid games ect

Id def never not respond to someone though
imo the world is very socially anxious too, everybody


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## talkswithkeyboard (Dec 28, 2010)

This is why I started liking Twitter. The world can view my tweets and it doesn't bother me if people respond or not. Facebook makes me depressed because there's an expectation that your 'friends' will 'like' the things you show them.

Sure, Twitter can be a popularity contest with the number of followers, but it's less personal there.


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## kapa (Dec 31, 2011)

Gotta get that friend count high, mang.
GOTTA GET IT HIGH, cause you know, facebook friends = real life friends.
T_T


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## Inscrutable Banana (Apr 1, 2008)

The South Park episode about Facebook comes to mind. All these social networking sites have kind of diluted the meaning of the word friend; most of the people populating facebook friends lists are merely acquaintances, if even that.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Some of us add people from our workplaces who we only interact with on a superficial level; they're not our friends, but a lot of times it's handy to be able to get ahold of them. Plus it's a way to say, "Even though we're not buddies on the job, I'm cool with you."

Also, if you're a part of some sort of social group, and someone you barely know is friends with everyone else from that social group, it looks awkward if you're not friends with them too (provided you're going to see them again). So once again, adding them becomes a way of saying, "hey, I just wanted to let you know, I'm cool with you, and I'd like to be accepted by you, too." If there's the chance you're going to have any conversation in real life, there's no need to start a convo on fb.


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## GreatHeartly (Jun 13, 2012)

I agree and I think it applies to most social websites too ... it's all about getting the numbers up. Quantity over quality.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

So true. But you gotta remember. Not everybody, have your values and principles. I'm one of them with the same values and principles as you. I msg everybody who msg me back. I make big leaps of trying to connect with them too. And some people just dont care. Or too busy working, or whatever. When it comes down to that, they dont have the same values and principles as us. That's it. Some people add people to impressive others who come online. So they can't feel "lonely" to others.

Dont feel like your doing something wrong. This is a valid rant. Your expressing your pain. It's a good thing. Plus, a valid one.


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## Conquistador954 (May 15, 2011)

I'm kinda guilty of this myself. But I'm gonna work on it. The thing is, I hate chatting there 'cause my social anxiety acts up a little plus for the most part my life is pretty lame plus there's really embarrassing stuff I try not to reveal. In the end though, I feel like I make no friends. So, with all my sas contacts from now on, I'm gonna try to be more open and social. I shouldn't have to fear u guys, and u have no reason to fear me.


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## primalrose (Sep 28, 2010)

rombow said:


> So true. But you gotta remember. Not everybody, have your values and principles. I'm one of them with the same values and principles as you. I msg everybody who msg me back. I make big leaps of trying to connect with them too. And some people just dont care. Or too busy working, or whatever. When it comes down to that, they dont have the same values and principles as us. That's it. Some people add people to impressive others who come online. So they can't feel "lonely" to others.
> 
> Dont feel like your doing something wrong. This is a valid rant. Your expressing your pain. It's a good thing. Plus, a valid one.


Thank you, wise words. =) I ended up cleaning my facebook up a little. I'm tired of being made to feel just like a statistic, especially when I really try to go out of my way to get to know people. But you're right, not everybody has the same principles so hey. That's just life.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

primalrose said:


> I've really tried to go out of my way to chat to people I've recently added, some who've added me, and on other places on the internet too, but inevitably, they seem to have other things to do. I get the world does not revolve around me, people are busy sometimes and have other priorities, naturally. But if you add somebody at least try to talk to them and get to know them eh? If you visit these forums, I presume you are adding them to improve yourself socially. Treat them like they exist and make them feel comfortable. I always do my best even if makes me my anxious beyond belief. Cause that's sort of the point, isn't it? I want to talk to like-minded people and try to improve my SA.
> 
> I find the majority of the time I am the one who is trying to initiate convos and they give off the vibe they don't care. Even people I've added here, do not even make an attempt to talk. Or they talk once and never bother to chat ever again! Why bother adding somebody then? I feel so disheartened.
> 
> Sorry I'm ranting. And I'm not trying to attack anybody. It's just disheartening when you feel like people are ignoring you for whatever reason. I'm also just wondering if anybody is feeling the same way.


I use Facebook for creeping, lurking, and stalking. My three best talents! I'm kidding, but it is a way to keep tabs on old classmates and family members.


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## Don Gio (Dec 14, 2011)

primalrose said:


> I've really tried to go out of my way to chat to people I've recently added, some who've added me, and on other places on the internet too, but inevitably, they seem to have other things to do. I get the world does not revolve around me, people are busy sometimes and have other priorities, naturally. But if you add somebody at least try to talk to them and get to know them eh? If you visit these forums, I presume you are adding them to improve yourself socially. Treat them like they exist and make them feel comfortable. I always do my best even if makes me my anxious beyond belief. Cause that's sort of the point, isn't it? I want to talk to like-minded people and try to improve my SA.
> 
> I find the majority of the time I am the one who is trying to initiate convos and they give off the vibe they don't care. Even people I've added here, do not even make an attempt to talk. Or they talk once and never bother to chat ever again! Why bother adding somebody then? I feel so disheartened.
> 
> Sorry I'm ranting. And I'm not trying to attack anybody. It's just disheartening when you feel like people are ignoring you for whatever reason. I'm also just wondering if anybody is feeling the same way.


 I agree


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## Shadow2009 (Sep 25, 2010)

What do you guys do when the person doesn't talk much? I have a bit of OCD with Facebook and hate having random people from SAS on my friend list that don't talk (what's the point of having them as a friend?) and i'd feel bad if I deleted them. :\ I added someone recently and we had a conversation on the first night but it's been three days and there's been no interaction and I made an effort earlier and just got short (but friendly) answers.

Do I persist with conversations and run the risk of pissing the person off? Or do I delete them (since they clearly aren't going to make the first moves)?


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## Okajuurou (Jan 6, 2012)

Shadow2009 Why does it have to be one or the other? I would suggest to keep them on friends list and chat time to time, if you want to.


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## primalrose (Sep 28, 2010)

Shadow2009 said:


> What do you guys do when the person doesn't talk much? I have a bit of OCD with Facebook and hate having random people from SAS on my friend list that don't talk (what's the point of having them as a friend?) and i'd feel bad if I deleted them. :\ I added someone recently and we had a conversation on the first night but it's been three days and there's been no interaction and I made an effort earlier and just got short (but friendly) answers.
> 
> Do I persist with conversations and run the risk of pissing the person off? Or do I delete them (since they clearly aren't going to make the first moves)?


Entirely depends. I got bad vibes from some people and deleted them, but I'm trying to just be a little more laid-back about it now. I realize having expectations of strangers is completely pointless and counter productive. And we've all got the same problems here a little sympathy goes a long way me thinks.


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## Shadow2009 (Sep 25, 2010)

Okajuurou said:


> Shadow2009 Why does it have to be one or the other? I would suggest to keep them on friends list and chat time to time, if you want to.


I just think if you're "befriending" someone and giving them access to your profile/having them read your updates/be on eachothers news feeds then you may as well get to know the person as well otherwise it's just a random name appearing on your page. A few people i've added from here (not everyone) have added me, not even said "hi" and then gave me a few word responses on the occasional times I message them. It's like, what's the point in adding me then? Just to boost your friends list? :\

I hope I don't sound like a dick here.  It's just that when I bother adding people I also make the effort to get to know them as well, otherwise the whole thing is just pointless.


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## Gunter (Aug 24, 2011)

Shadow2009 said:


> I just think if you're "befriending" someone and giving them access to your profile/having them read your updates/be on eachothers news feeds then you may as well get to know the person as well otherwise it's just a random name appearing on your page. A few people i've added from here (not everyone) have added me, not even said "hi" and then gave me a few word responses on the occasional times I message them. It's like, what's the point in adding me then? Just to boost your friends list? :\
> 
> I hope I don't sound like a dick here.  It's just that when I bother adding people I also make the effort to get to know them as well, otherwise the whole thing is just pointless.


:ditto
I've also taken the first step to chat with ppl and some give me these 2 word answers. :sus. I already have a hard time trying to converse with people, but you're giving me NOTHING to work off of. I'm trying to have a legit conversation with someone, but its disheartening when it feels like the other person is completely turned off/uninterested in talking (even though that is me most of the day) with you. Why accept the request in the first place, is what I say to myself. I don't mind it that much really. Ppl are busy, some are not really in the mood. No common interests. I can't control the way their feeling. My main reason for adding ppl anyways was to improve small talk/social skills and making good first impressions.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Yeah u just reminded me i should delete some people.


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## Sameer (Feb 2, 2010)

primalrose said:


> I've really tried to go out of my way to chat to people I've recently added, some who've added me, and on other places on the internet too, but inevitably, they seem to have other things to do. I get the world does not revolve around me, people are busy sometimes and have other priorities, naturally. But if you add somebody at least try to talk to them and get to know them eh? If you visit these forums,I find the majority of the time I am the one who is trying to initiate convos and they give off the vibe they don't care. Even people I've added here, do not even make an attempt to talk. Or they talk once and never bother to chat ever again! Why bother adding somebody then? I feel so disheartened way.


Absolutely right..As as you said,if we add someone or we are added by someone,we could try to talk and know each other.But not everyone have same character.I will understand if the other person is interested in me or not.If they are not,then i will remove them because i can't be like them to add someone for no reason and to hide or avoiding.There are many people who adds plenty of people to increase their friend list.There is no use doing that.You can see there will be some people having friend list even more than 5000.That's a joke.Those people won't talk to most of the people they add.They do these things for no reason.When i chatted in chat site long before,i added one by one.Most of them were same.The first day they talked and from the next day totally they avoided the conversation.Not only that,most of those use to be in invisible mode and talk with someone else.I asked the same thing, if you are going to hide and talk to someone,then why you added me.Some of them use to lie saying they were busy and some don't even reply.I mean..anyone can be busy..But for how many days ? Can't even able to say a hello..That much busy,..Huh.Well,diamonds are not easy to find.


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## vinylman (Apr 22, 2012)

I know what you mean, I feel left out on this site because nobody talks to me. I feel like I have to be the one to talk to someone, and add people as friends. Of course I could put in the effort to do that more myself.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

vinylman said:


> I know what you mean, I feel left out on this site because nobody talks to me. I feel like I have to be the one to talk to someone, and add people as friends. Of course I could put in the effort to do that more myself.


I know how you feel man....same here.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

Because a lot of people, myself included, feel awkward with conversing with certain types of people. It's a struggle - remember everyone has SA here and that may prevent them from responding normally to people they don't click with very well.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Because it's just Facebook. I don't feel a pressing need to talk to everyone on my friend list all the time.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Crystalline said:


> Because a lot of people, myself included, feel awkward with conversing with certain types of people. It's a struggle - remember everyone has SA here and that may prevent them from responding normally to people they don't click with very well.


That's understandable. I just have to keep it in my mind that I have to make the effort---not just here, but in real life also. Nothing is going to happen unless I make it happen.


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