# What age did you get engaged/married?



## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Me, not yet at 23. Kind of old I know, but most likely it'll happen to me this year with me and my boyfriend.


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## Jeffrey91 (Dec 22, 2011)

23 is kinda young to get married, but I do have friends that married at 17 or 18. I would focus on my career before marrying anybody, because if they truly love you, a marriage license will always just be a piece of paper.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

22..but i still feel m too young for gettiung engaged or married..i think 29 is good for this arrangements..


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

23 is young true, but when I get engaged at 23 I won't get married until me and my bf are financially stable and he's finished with school. I'm guessing maybe when I'm 27.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

wow thats great..u guys seem mature...very great!!!


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

I was 19.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Thanks Ashley. We want to be fully ready and make no regrets or mistakes.

SweetNSour82, that's great. I've always wondered how people with SA get engaged so young. Was anxiety and depression and obstacle for you?


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

I think it was 20 or something. I dunno. But either way, I'm not sure if we're engaged any longer or if that was called off xD. We'll probably never get married anyway *shrugs*


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

I was married at 19 because I was pregnant (religious upbringing) not that we didn't want to get married, but definitely wouldn't have at that age if we didn't feel like we had to. In regards to the anxiety and depression, let's just say, he's put up with ALOT! He was also my first boyfriend and it almost never happened at all. I was so close to running!! Lucky I didn't


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Engaged at 29.
Married the week of my 31st bday.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Double Indemnity said:


> Engaged at 29.
> Married the week of my 31st bday.


So you guys were dating a long time before you got married.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

komorikun said:


> So you guys were dating a long time before you got married.


Yes, we've been together a long time.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

I wanted to be moved out and married by 21, my plan never happened and I accomplished neither goal yet. I figured get married kind of early, and that way mabye my wife has a kid mid 20's which means we both get to live longer to see our kid/s and/or grand kids grow up longer instead of waiting and being the parents with the gray hair at parent/teacher conferences.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think that'll ever happen, but if it ever does, hopefully it'll be some time after my 28th b-day. I don't see why any one would want to rush into marriage.



(I'm 22 if it's of relevance)


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I was 18. Still married.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

tlgibson97 said:


> I was 18. Still married.


That's great! What's your secret?


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## LynnNBoys (Jul 13, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Me, not yet at 23. Kind of old I know, but most likely it'll happen to me this year with me and my boyfriend.


Dating at 19
Living together at 23
Engaged at 25
Married at 27


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Ugh I've been worried about this a lot lately =/ my roommate got engaged recently. I'm so jealous.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Facepalm, this thread makes me realize that I have failed at reaching my goal of being married at about 21/22. :no


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

SweetNSour82 said:


> That's great! What's your secret?


Me too. What is your secret?


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Kathykook said:


> Ugh I've been worried about this a lot lately =/ my roommate got engaged recently. I'm so jealous.


Sorry it must suck too. I'm a very jealous person too. How old is your roommate? I will finally be engaged at 23 this year.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

thegoodtimes said:


> Me, not yet at 23. Kind of old I know, but most likely it'll happen to me this year with me and my boyfriend.


This thread will not end well.

And I am 23 and have never considered engagement or marriage and seriously doubt that I'll ever get married.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Started dating my boyfriend at 23
Moved in together at 24
Talking about getting engaged, so I'll probably be 25 or 26.
Dunno when we'll get married, but probably around a year later.


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## BellasLullaby (Apr 27, 2011)

Never have. Hopefully some day.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

SweetNSour82 said:


> That's great! What's your secret?





thegoodtimes said:


> Me too. What is your secret?


Good communication is key.

Having maturity enough to handle honest communication.

Loving someone for who they are and not who you want them to be.

Knowing up front that you are two different people with different ideas and different ways of doing things.

Accepting compromise on issues. You can't always be right. Even if you are right you still need to compromise. See things from their point of view.

Respect each other.

Luck in finding that right person that is compatible with you. I lucked out. She was my first girlfriend. It felt right frmo the begining. While dating we treated the realtionship with the same respect as a marriage. So when we got married nothing changed. Other than I had just graduated high school and was getting ready to go to college and starting our new life. There are rough patches. I'd say 90% of them deal with finances. It's always tough when you are struggling to make ends meet. Being able to stick together through the rough times make the good times much more enjoyable. Gives you a sense that if you can make it through those times you can make it through anything. But never take it for granted. It will always take effort on both sides.

Also, people do change. Hopefully those changes don't change how you feel about each other.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

tlgibson97 said:


> Good communication is key.
> 
> Having maturity enough to handle honest communication.
> 
> ...


Aaah yes, the 'c' word! Communication that is!  Definitely much needed and much lacking for me. From everything you have said, it's no wonder you have been together for so long! I might get my husband to read this! Hehe


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

I'm 24 and the idea of marriage seems too crazy for me. If I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone I want to marry, I don't plan on it happening until my early 30's. Same with having a kid. 

I feel a person's early 20's is way too young to get married.


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

Engaged at 16, Married at 17


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

AnxiousA said:


> Engaged at 16, Married at 17


Wow!! How long have you been married for?


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

SweetNSour82 said:


> Wow!! How long have you been married for?


7.5 years, been together for 11! Has been 'interesting' to say the least, growing up in a serious relationship, definite ups and downs, but definitely don't regret a minute of it.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

AnxiousA said:


> 7.5 years, been together for 11! Has been 'interesting' to say the least, growing up in a serious relationship, definite ups and downs, but definitely don't regret a minute of it.


Whoa!!! How did you guys meet? That's amazing and was your anxiety or depression bad at the time? Did you guys move in together and was money an issue? I had no money at all when I was 17 as I was still like a kid LOL. What's your secret???


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

RUFB2327 said:


> I'm 24 and the idea of marriage seems too crazy for me. If I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone I want to marry, I don't plan on it happening until my early 30's. Same with having a kid.
> 
> I feel a person's early 20's is way too young to get married.


I'm not going to get married until I'm probably inbetween my mid and late 20s and I definitely don't want kids early more like when I'm very early in my 30s.


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Whoa!!! How did you guys meet? That's amazing and was your anxiety or depression bad at the time? Did you guys move in together and was money an issue? I had no money at all when I was 17 as I was still like a kid LOL. What's your secret???


We met online :blush Looking back, it wasn't the most sensible thing, I know there are a lot of risks to that sort of thing, especially as my depression was quite bad already. Luckily I met a genuine good guy and it all worked out.

We moved in together when we married, money was tight for the first few years but we managed (with no heating!).

No secret really, communication, compromise and determination to see it through. My depression and SA got an awful lot worse over the years, and it could have easily been the end of us, but both of us wanted to stick with it, and it was worth it.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

tlgibson97 said:


> Good communication is key.
> 
> Having maturity enough to handle honest communication.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Your advice is very helpful.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

AnxiousA said:


> We met online :blush Looking back, it wasn't the most sensible thing, I know there are a lot of risks to that sort of thing, especially as my depression was quite bad already. Luckily I met a genuine good guy and it all worked out.
> 
> We moved in together when we married, money was tight for the first few years but we managed (with no heating!).
> 
> No secret really, communication, compromise and determination to see it through. My depression and SA got an awful lot worse over the years, and it could have easily been the end of us, but both of us wanted to stick with it, and it was worth it.


Was it on a dating site? I wish they had dating sites for teens otherwise I'd probably get a boyfriend before 18. Congrats though! I met my boyfriend online too.

Did you two work? How did you manage? Or your parents helped? If you don't mind me asking I'm just trying to get a point of view and some ideas.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

AnxiousA said:


> We met online :blush Looking back, it wasn't the most sensible thing, I know there are a lot of risks to that sort of thing, especially as my depression was quite bad already. Luckily I met a genuine good guy and it all worked out.
> 
> We moved in together when we married, money was tight for the first few years but we managed (with no heating!).
> 
> No secret really, communication, compromise and determination to see it through. My depression and SA got an awful lot worse over the years, and it could have easily been the end of us, but both of us wanted to stick with it, and it was worth it.





bezoomny said:


> This thread will not end well.
> 
> And I am 23 and have never considered engagement or marriage and seriously doubt that I'll ever get married.


Why do you say this thread will not end well? Did I post anything offensive?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Sorry it must suck too. I'm a very jealous person too. How old is your roommate? I will finally be engaged at 23 this year.


She is my age, 20


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Kathykook said:


> She is my age, 20


Does she have social an anxiety?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Does she have social an anxiety?


No. She's engaged to her high school sweetheart


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

BobtheSaint said:


> Facepalm, this thread makes me realize that I have failed at reaching my goal of being married at about 21/22. :no


Some things are out of our control. The right woman hasn't come along.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Some things are out of our control. The right woman hasn't come along.


My father was already married at my age, and I'm just really jealous of him. I'll be happy when I'm committed and done searching for women.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

BobtheSaint said:


> My father was already married at my age, and I'm just really jealous of him. I'll be happy when I'm committed and done searching for women.


My parents were too (for 10 years at that). Things are different now, and my personality is quirky and evidently not fit for many women.

What I find funny is when women say guys just want sex. That couldn't be farther from the truth for the vast majority of us.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

srschirm said:


> My parents were too (for 10 years at that). Things are different now, and my personality is quirky and evidently not fit for many women.
> 
> *What I find funny is when women say guys just want sex. That couldn't be farther from the truth for the vast majority of us*.


Maybe I did, when I was a virgin trying to find out what sex is like. But, I'd rather have a committed relationship. I'd think women who'd say that has had bad experiences in the past with selecting guys.

I'm not giving up, marriage is possible for me.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

srschirm said:


> What I find funny is when women say guys just want sex. That couldn't be farther from the truth for the vast majority of us.


I've had three boyfriends, and only the second one was overly interested in sex. I wouldn't say he _just_ wanted sex, but he wanted it way too much.

I have come across guys who just want sex, but I'd agree that they aren't the majority.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

What is way too much for you?


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Well the relationship was long distance for a while, and when I went to visit him he expected that we would have sex basically constantly while I was there. He was always horny and couldn't understand why I wanted to do other things instead.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Well, seeing as I'd like to have my first date before I marry, I guess that puts things some ways off into the future.
I hear an increasing number of people in nursing homes are marrying though, so I guess that's something to look forward to :um :lol


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

I got engaged at almost 22, but because of family crap couldn't get married until I was almost 27.


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

thegoodtimes said:


> Why do you say this thread will not end well? Did I post anything offensive?


People might take it the wrong way that you act like 23 is sooo old to get engaged. There are probably people looking at this who are 40+ who have never come close to being engaged (even if they would love to) and they might end up feeling bad about themselves.

And at any rate, 23 is actually younger than average for an engagement/marriage.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

​


gustafsg said:


> People might take it the wrong way that you act like 23 is sooo old to get engaged. There are probably people looking at this who are 40+ who have never come close to being engaged (even if they would love to) and they might end up feeling bad about themselves.
> 
> And at any rate, 23 is actually younger than average for an engagement/marriage.


Sorry that wasn't my intention to offend. People I talk to online are either engaged or married my age. I have an online friend who's around the same age as me and she's married. I post another forum and a lot of people got engaged at 20 or 21 and/or married at 22 or 23. I'm jealous. I really think I'm behind everyone else. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18 while everyone else got one at 15 or 16 and didn't lose my virginity until I was 19. Sorry it's just how I feel. At the end of the day I should just appreciate it, but compared to my normal friends I'm the latest to experience all this it's kind of like I'm the black sheep. Ugh I'm a loser when it comes to the dating department.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

gustafsg said:


> And at any rate, 23 is actually younger than average for an engagement/marriage.


In some communities, yes. In others, not so much. 85% of students at the university my husband attends are engaged by senior year, and those who got engaged earlier usually get married senior year, and those who got engaged during senior year get married right out of school. So 20-22 is average here. If there's one thing about this school it's worse to get out without your MRS than without a Bachelor's degree.

Actually long ago in this school's history, a woman could only attend as long as she was not married. Once you married you were expected to stay home and be a housewife. I don't agree with what was done then, but this was in the 1930s, when teachers still had to be unmarried.

Young marriages are the norm in the society surrounding this school as well.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Revenwyn said:


> In some communities, yes. In others, not so much. 85% of students at the university my husband attends are engaged by senior year, and those who got engaged earlier usually get married senior year, and those who got engaged during senior year get married right out of school. So 20-22 is average here. If there's one thing about this school it's worse to get out without your MRS than without a Bachelor's degree.
> 
> Actually long ago in this school's history, a woman could only attend as long as she was not married. Once you married you were expected to stay home and be a housewife. I don't agree with what was done then, but this was in the 1930s, when teachers still had to be unmarried.
> 
> Young marriages are the norm in the society surrounding this school as well.


How did people get engaged so young? Faithful guys and girls? Maybe I should've moved there!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Wheres my ring at YO... We been dating 2 weeks BRO!
^my saying every 2 weeks i wonder where they go hahaha jk

Waiting lol gotta meet a rich guy ...i mean uh prince charming.. first *troll face*


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

Revenwyn said:


> In some communities, yes. In others, not so much. 85% of students at the university my husband attends are engaged by senior year, and those who got engaged earlier usually get married senior year, and those who got engaged during senior year get married right out of school. So 20-22 is average here. If there's one thing about this school it's worse to get out without your MRS than without a Bachelor's degree.
> 
> Actually long ago in this school's history, a woman could only attend as long as she was not married. Once you married you were expected to stay home and be a housewife. I don't agree with what was done then, but this was in the 1930s, when teachers still had to be unmarried.
> 
> Young marriages are the norm in the society surrounding this school as well.


I suppose you're right. In some communities, being 23 and never engaged (like me) is basically being an 'old maid." Where I live, most people don't get married until they are at least 25-26. And in most of NYC, the norm is to not get married until after you are 30.

I am SOOO glad that I don't live in a society where young marriage is the norm. I'd feel like even more of a loser for my limited dating history than I do now. It's nice not feeling overly pressured to get married right now.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

gustafsg said:


> I suppose you're right. In some communities, being 23 and never engaged (like me) is basically being an 'old maid." Where I live, most people don't get married until they are at least 25-26. And in most of NYC, the norm is to not get married until after you are 30.
> 
> I am SOOO glad that I don't live in a society where young marriage is the norm. I'd feel like even more of a loser for my limited dating history than I do now. It's nice not feeling overly pressured to get married right now.


Me too. Maybe it's the forums I post at. A lot of women there got engaged and married young and nearly 97% are taken or married. It's a women's forum ie a purse forum.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

I think in Northern Europe at least, the norm is to marry after 30, though most have been together for a long time at that point and probably even have kids.
For people who get married before 25, usually one part is from a strongly religious background (which is very rare) or people are from poorer backgrounds, but even there it seems rare.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Right now, the median age at first marriage is 28 for men, 26 for women in the US.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

I had not thought to check for statistics on that!
Found this list on wikipedia now though:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_at_first_marriage


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Don't get married until you know yourself really well and also know what you want in a partner and a marriage. 

In my opinion, 23 is way too young.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> How did people get engaged so young? Faithful guys and girls? Maybe I should've moved there!


Yes, faithful guys and girls. This is also a Christian college, and though not all of the students are Christian most were raised going to church and have intact homes themselves.

Used to be the college gave a tuition discount to married students but not anymore; there were reports of people getting married then their marriages fizzling right after school. However, this was far from the majority of marriages here.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Double Indemnity said:


> Don't get married until you know yourself really well and also know what you want in a partner and a marriage.
> 
> In my opinion, 23 is way too young.


What I'm doing. I've been with him for two years, known him for three. I'm not going to get married at 23, but we're very serious about each other.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> What I'm doing. I've been with him for two years, known him for three. I'm not going to get married at 23, but we're very serious about each other.


That's good to hear. Have you both dated other people?


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

BobtheSaint said:


> My father was already married at my age, and I'm just really jealous of him. I'll be happy when I'm committed and done searching for women.


When i compare what my parents had at my age now i feel ashamed. Like my parents had their own house, and had me and my older sister. I suppose when they were young it was normal to get married and have kids in the early 20's age range.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> That's good to hear. Have you both dated other people?


Not everyone NEEDS to date other people.

Actually IMO, dating other people when a relationship is going just fine is a sign that you can't settle down and would not make a good marriage partner.

I was my husband's first girlfriend.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Far be it from me to be a Debbie Downer, I think engagement/marriage to someone you met in your teens limits your growth as a person. I don't think everyone has to date as many people as possible before they know who they are or what they want, but I do think it's unwise to get to the engagement stage with someone you met before you turned 25 (that number is not as arbitrary as it sounds, I swear). It's a little counterintuitive, I know. When I was in my early twenties I always had the impression that I had to get married by 25 or officially become the neighborhood weirdo (at the time I was just a nondescript weirdo, which was not so great but not so bad either), and I imagine it's also the impression that many girls today have.

I'm sure there are some marriages between two people who met as teens that do last, but I don't think the length of marriage itself should be used to indicate "success." Potential divorce is not the reason I frown upon young marriage anyway. My reason has more to do with the it-limits-your-growth thing, especially for people who are generally described as "good girls."


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## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> Far be it from me to be a Debbie Downer, I think engagement/marriage to someone you met in your teens limits your growth as a person. I don't think everyone has to date as many people as possible before they know who they are or what they want, but I do think it's unwise to get to the engagement stage with someone you met before you turned 25 (that number is not as arbitrary as it sounds, I swear). It's a little counterintuitive, I know. When I was in my early twenties I always had the impression that I had to get married by 25 or officially become the neighborhood weirdo (at the time I was just a nondescript weirdo, which was not so great but not so bad either), and I imagine it's also the impression that many girls today have.
> 
> I'm sure there are some marriages between two people who met as teens that do last, but I don't think the length of marriage itself should be used to indicate "success." Potential divorce is not the reason I frown upon young marriage anyway. My reason has more to do with the it-limits-your-growth thing, especially for people who are generally described as "good girls."


I kind of agree with this. The period between your late teens and early adulthood is usually a time of change for people. You start working or go off to college where you step outside your comfort zone and get exposed to new people and ideas. A lot of times you get home and find you now have little in common with people you used to know. I also think your young adulthood should be a time where your not restricted and are free to explore different things, so being engaged that young does limit your growth. Of course thats not true for everyone, but I think its true for most.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It's really bad when people stay together with their high school sweet hearts even though they are going to college in different towns. When I was living in this small college town, I saw that all the guys with girlfriends in their hometown were going to tons of parties and cheating. Their girlfriend would never find out of course. Even if she visited the boyfriend, all his roommates and friends would never tell her. But if the girl stayed in the hometown she could not cheat because all of the guy's friends were still there and would rat on her.


My parents weren't that young when they got married. My mom was 33 (b. 1943) and my dad was 26 (b. 1950). My mom was pregnant with me at the time.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Milco said:


> I had not thought to check for statistics on that!
> Found this list on wikipedia now though:
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_at_first_marriage


There are something interesting ages on that list:

Iceland: 34.3 for men, 32.1 for women. 
Norway: 33.4 for men, 31.1 for women.
Sweden: 35.1 for men, 32.5 for women.
Germany: 33.0 for men, 30.0 for women. 
Denmark: 34.8 for men, 32.4 for women. 
Finland: 32.5 for men, 30.2 for women. 
Italy: 32.8 for men, 29.7 for women.

South Korea: 31.8 for men, 28.9 for women. 
Japan: 30.5 for men, 28.8 for women.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

It's interesting because my parents got married when my mom was 16 (almost 17) and dad was 17. My mom was pregnant with my older brother. They've now been together 42 years. 

I think a lot of people these days aren't mature enough to get married at those ages. Times are different.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Double Indemnity said:


> That's good to hear. Have you both dated other people?


Yes we have in the past. I've dated numerous guys and have an ex before meeting my bf. My bf has an ex too.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

The Silent 1 said:


> I kind of agree with this. The period between your late teens and early adulthood is usually a time of change for people. You start working or go off to college where you step outside your comfort zone and get exposed to new people and ideas. A lot of times you get home and find you now have little in common with people you used to know. I also think your young adulthood should be a time where your not restricted and are free to explore different things, so being engaged that young does limit your growth. Of course thats not true for everyone, but I think its true for most.


It's true to some people, but I don't think this applies to me and my bf. My bf is 26 going to turn 27 and I'm turning 24, both later on this year. And just because you're taken doesn't mean you can't live a free life either. We've been through a lot already prior to meeting each other. I dated guys and hung out with people in my teens going to loud music shows. I think I've lived a life or exploring around as you call it.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

komorikun said:


> There are something interesting ages on that list:
> 
> Iceland: 34.3 for men, 32.1 for women.
> Norway: 33.4 for men, 31.1 for women.
> ...


Oh wow I didn't know a lot of people got married late 20s early 30s. How come in the US people marry younger?


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

thegoodtimes said:


> Oh wow I didn't know a lot of people got married late 20s early 30s. How come in the US people marry younger?


Culture/expectations and probably quite influenced by religion as well.

People are too busy acting like kids here well into their 20s :b
You don't finish university here until close to 30, so there's not much time to get married in.
And marriage really isn't a priority for many.


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## Lasair (Jan 25, 2010)

I will not even think about getting married until I have my career established, I need to know I have my own independence - gosh 23 to me is really young!


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

rednosereindeer said:


> Far be it from me to be a Debbie Downer, I think engagement/marriage to someone you met in your teens limits your growth as a person. I don't think everyone has to date as many people as possible before they know who they are or what they want, but I do think it's unwise to get to the engagement stage with someone you met before you turned 25 (that number is not as arbitrary as it sounds, I swear). It's a little counterintuitive, I know. When I was in my early twenties I always had the impression that I had to get married by 25 or officially become the neighborhood weirdo (at the time I was just a nondescript weirdo, which was not so great but not so bad either), and I imagine it's also the impression that many girls today have.
> 
> I'm sure there are some marriages between two people who met as teens that do last, but I don't think the length of marriage itself should be used to indicate "success." Potential divorce is not the reason I frown upon young marriage anyway. My reason has more to do with the it-limits-your-growth thing, especially for people who are generally described as "good girls."


An interesting point of view, and I agree with you in part, although probably not to the same extend.

I think it can be challenging to grow up in a relationship, and the relationship remain happy and stable. Many do end - young marriages have a higher divorce rate IIRC. However, it is possible to grow, change and thrive in a relationship - it depends very much on the people involved.

I don't think being in a relationship has affected my growth, more likely helped it - encouragement, love, support and access to different opportunities. It may have been different for me though, as my partner is slightly older than me, so he has remained largely the same, as I grew and changed.

I suppose I'm also rather open minded about relationships and specifically non-traditional relationships. I think the measure of success is happiness, and sometimes different things make different people happy. I think an unhealthy relationship can stunt growth and development at any age, and a happy relationship can support someone in growth.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

The whole thing about successful or not successful marriages is hokey. If you're looking for marriage to be a lifetime of hormone induced humping, you're not thinking correctly. Marriage is hard work and compromise and it seems to me that people are not willing to work hard, realize that their wants are not the end all, and make a commitment to anything anymore. A marriage has just as much chance of success at 16 or 17 as it does at 29 or 30 as long as the couple involved decides that divorce is NEVER an option and works with their spouse.


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I can see how marrying young could hamper your personal growth. In Japan, I saw that the foreigners that came to the country single learned Japanese much faster and better than those that came with a spouse. My ex-boyfriend was Bolivian and several of his family members were in Japan too. His uncle and aunt (by marriage) could speak almost no Japanese even after living in Japan for over 4 years. They were with each other too much and other family members and used Spanish all the time. One time they asked that me and my bf go with them to a nearby city for shopping cause they were afraid that they'd get lost. They didn't speak English either, so they would not be able to ask anyone for directions or what train to take. I moved to Japan single and picked up Japanese fast because I was dating Japanese guys and just had more time for friendships. If I had moved to Japan with a spouse, my growth as a person would have been inhibited greatly.


I don't think you can generalise so much. Perhaps you might have bed. That way? And that family were (perhaps more as a cultural thing rather than a relationship thing? Expats generally stick together). Being married doesn't mean you can't/dont want friends of other experiences.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Revenwyn said:


> The whole thing about successful or not successful marriages is hokey. If you're looking for marriage to be a lifetime of hormone induced humping, you're not thinking correctly. Marriage is hard work and compromise and it seems to me that people are not willing to work hard, realize that their wants are not the end all, and make a commitment to anything anymore. A marriage has just as much chance of success at 16 or 17 as it does at 29 or 30 as long as the couple involved decides that divorce is NEVER an option and works with their spouse.


Somewhere in your post is the idea that "love" isn't that important, which I agree with. What I don't agree is the assumption (which I think is the view that most people hold) that lasting marriage is proof of success that anyone who's had to get a divorce should consider themselves a failure and be ashamed of themselves. A lot of people get married out of love (lust?) and divorce sometimes happens when people no longer put love as their highest priority, and I don't see that as a bad thing. Now I don't recommend that people get married with the attitude that if things don't work out divorce is always an option (and I think we can re-insert your post here), but I think people should be allowed to change their mind as the grow up (not necessarily age-wise) and realize there are more important things they prefer to do than being with someone their love.

In my previous post I put an emphasis on "good girls," which I did because I think a lot of good girls are "repressed" and wouldn't be able to break free and discover who they really are until they fail to meet societal expectations (e.g., not sleep with someone unless they really love him, not get pregnant unless in a stable relationship with someone they'll eventually marry, be in a committed relationship by the age of 25, etc.). I'm not saying that stereotypical "bad girls" are superior to good girls, but in some ways they probably are in a better place than girls who have always done what they're supposed to do, which is why if you're the type of person who has never made a mistake in your life... by all means you should start. The younger you are when you make a mistake, the sooner you'll recover (unless, of course, you become too depressed/suicidal to function).


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## alte (Sep 4, 2010)

2 weeks ago, at age 27. I am not 100% sure if she is the right person but she is extremely caring, supportive, kind and going through difficult times. It would have been heartbreaking to have said no or to have called off the relationship.

I don't know what to expect for the future though. Atleast, I can focus on my work now and stop searching for/chasing after girls.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

I was married 5 days after my 18th BD. Was married 17 years.


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## KatInKy (Feb 27, 2012)

I was 22. Married 16 years now.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

Bon said:


> I was married 5 days after my 18th BD. Was married 17 years.


So by 'was' do you mean you're now divorced? Please tell me to mind my own business if you don't want to answer, but have you ever regretted it? I'm sorry if that's a really stupid question.


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

twenty


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

thewall said:


> twenty


How did you get there regarding with anxiety/depression/money? Advice will be very helpful and appreciated, thank you.


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

alte said:


> 2 weeks ago, at age 27. I am not 100% sure if she is the right person but she is extremely caring, supportive, kind and going through difficult times. It would have been heartbreaking to have said no or to have called off the relationship.
> 
> I don't know what to expect for the future though. Atleast, I can focus on my work now and stop searching for/chasing after girls.


Congrats on the wedding!! That is very exciting. I hope the rest of us will be lucky enough to find caring and supportive partners.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

So many people got engaged/married young. I still had trouble getting a boyfriend at 20!


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Onigiri said:


> Wow, I'm surprised by how young some people want to get married. I agree with the statement - your twenties is about discovering who you are. If I got married to who I was dating at 22... omfg, it would have been really bad. I'm glad I didn't want to settle down throughout my twenties until now - would have missed out learning who I really am.


What about the people that got married young?


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Not got married yet, but hopefully sometime in my 20s if I ever find someone. I dont need to wait.. Ive already 'found myself'


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## xTaylor (Aug 18, 2011)

Very possible this year, at 18. We've been together for 3 and a half years. And been long distance for a year, since he joined the Marines. He just turned 20.


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## missalyssa (Jun 18, 2011)

Engaged at 23 :3

Not getting married for a couple years though.

Probably 25.


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## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

A marriage when you are young has just as much chance of success as one when you're older, depending on how mature you are, and likely, the way you were raised. It takes an understanding that divorce is NOT an option unless there is chronic cheating or abuse going on in the relationship. If you feel divorce is an option just because the person no longer makes you happy, or you no longer feel in love with them, then you're not marrying for the right reasons anyway. Marriage is not about what they do for you. It's about what you can do for them, on both sides. 

I'm sorry, but love is not JUST a feeling. I grew up in a family that said that there was no feeling to love, that it was wrong to feel like you were in love with a person before your parents arranged a marriage for you and you've said your vows, but that is just as wrong. 

There is a feeling portion of love, but let me tell you, there are days when I just feel like smacking my hubby in the face. I don't do it of course, but those days are there. But there are also days when all my sacrifice on his part has been worth it. And the good days don't necessarily occur more frequently than the bad days. But think about the wedding vows. For better or for worse. This means no matter what, you have agreed to stick to their side. For richer or for poorer... yes, even if you end up homeless. My husband and I STARTED out homeless. In sickness and in health... yes even mental health. Even if they become a crazy loon who no longer remembers your name. To love and to cherish... How do you treat those you love? This means that even if the feelings go away you promise to treat them as if it hasn't. And usually when you do, you fall in love with them again. 

Above all, TIL DEATH DO US PART. There's no wiggle room here. Now I realize a lot of places have changed this where they shouldn't have. When my husband and I got married at county offices they wanted us to repeat "as long as the love shall last" which we refused to do and they actually APPLAUDED us for changing it to "Til death do us part". 

Seriously, making it all about the wedding and all about feelings is what has cheapened marriage and made it so that marriages don't last anymore... it's not based on age, it's based on conviction.


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## kiwikiwi (Jul 27, 2009)

thegoodtimes said:


> So many people got engaged/married young. I still had trouble getting a boyfriend at 20!


tell me about it, im 24 and I just got my first kiss the other day, very pathetic in my opinion. If it wasn't for my belief in god I would have slashed my own throat a long time ago, I have like 3 suicide attempts in the past and it has very little to do with having or not having a boyfriend, it is far more complicated ...im glad you all got your significant ones early or not...you don't have additional diseases like I do, my face is disfigured by a skin disease, my mind corruptedby my past and society just being a jerk in my face...at least you all got a good partner by your side...


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I was 99.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> I was 99.


You sir, broke the world record for the oldest person to get married/engaged. :clap

Joking aside, I know how you feel about not getting anyone.


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Married when I was 26.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Still confused how people with anxiety or depression get married/engaged young. No it's not meant to be an insult, I just want some genuine advice. I'm with my boyfriend and we're not engaged/married yet due to money constraints and my depression/anxiety isn't helping. How do you guys get there so fast??? Was money an issue?


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Still confused how people with anxiety or depression get married/engaged young. No it's not meant to be an insult, I just want some genuine advice. I'm with my boyfriend and we're not engaged/married yet due to money constraints and my depression/anxiety isn't helping. How do you guys get there so fast??? Was money an issue?


Money wasn't a huge issue, we had a small budget and stuck to it, weddings dont have to be very expensive. Anxiety at the event wasn't too bad, we had 38 guests who were all family and friends, and I drank a lot! We didn't really do the big party afterwards, just ceremony and sit down meal, which suited us better.

We were together for 3 years before we got married, so Im not sure that counts as fast or not.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

I never have gotten married. At this second my interest in love has really declined. I kinda question whether or not I would even need a girl lol.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

AnxiousA said:


> Money wasn't a huge issue, we had a small budget and stuck to it, weddings dont have to be very expensive. Anxiety at the event wasn't too bad, we had 38 guests who were all family and friends, and I drank a lot! We didn't really do the big party afterwards, just ceremony and sit down meal, which suited us better.
> 
> We were together for 3 years before we got married, so Im not sure that counts as fast or not.


How did your SO deal with your anxiety/depression? My bf doesn't want to propose because I have depression/anxiety.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

thegoodtimes said:


> Me, not yet at 23. *Kind of old I know*, but most likely it'll happen to me this year with me and my boyfriend.


No need to rub it in, now....


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## Kyrsta (Jan 23, 2012)

I got engaged at 20, probabl won't be married until two years from now...


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Kyrsta said:


> I got engaged at 20, probabl won't be married until two years from now...


How did your bf deal with your social anxiety and depression?


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## UgShy (Mar 6, 2012)

Engaged at 21 and split up at 25.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

UgShy said:


> Engaged at 21 and split up at 25.


I'm sorry. What happened?


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

This thread makes me cry


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

BobtheSaint said:


> This thread makes me cry


Why?


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> How did your SO deal with your anxiety/depression? My bf doesn't want to propose because I have depression/anxiety.


It was never a deal breaker, he had experience of a family member with mental health problems so was aware of the issues it might present in the future and that he might need to support me more than he would a normal partner, but it was never that big an issue. Things got significantly worse after we married (not because we married, but other circumstances) and now are starting to improve, but he has never not wanted to be with me because of my anxiety/depression. Not all folk are able to or willing to support a partner though, a friend of mine recently ended it with his girlfriend as he just didn't have the capacity to support her through depression.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

thegoodtimes said:


> Why?


Marriage and love, I see it all the time IRL and on TV, I just hate being starved of it. But I'm happy for those who've attained it.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Got married at 23...separated at 24, divorced at 25! Haha


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Shauna The Dead said:


> Got married at 23...separated at 24, divorced at 25! Haha


Ouch


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## erikahawkins (Mar 19, 2012)

I got engaged at 18, but then we separated. I'm single until now, most of the people around me think that I can't let go of him, but I already did. Though I can't say that I'm happy. I'm pretty much okay now.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

BobtheSaint said:


> Marriage and love, I see it all the time IRL and on TV, I just hate being starved of it. But I'm happy for those who've attained it.


I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry I'm 23 and not engaged never have been.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Bump.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

BobtheSaint said:


> This thread makes me cry


Don't be sad. I'm guessing there's a lot of self-selection bias going on in this thread: those who've never been engaged or married don't post. Those who have been engaged or married, do.


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## duckie (Apr 30, 2012)

24 and it was over at 25... some of societies traditions are not for everyone.


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## madsv (Mar 19, 2010)

I got married at 27 and I didnt have had a girlfriend before that. So to you who are frustrated about not having any experience. I didnt have it either but I did get married so it is possible for you too


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

madsv said:


> I got married at 27 and I didnt have had a girlfriend before that. So to you who are frustrated about not having any experience. I didnt have it either but I did get married so it is possible for you too


This is an encouraging post. And congrats! :boogie


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