# Too late to enjoy a relationship?



## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

Hi everybody, I've just registered here. I'm a 31 year old male (almost 32!) who has never experienced love or sex. I have suffered from social anxiety my entire life... 

I just want to ask your opinion: does it really matter to experience love or sex after the age of 35? I have wasted my young adulthood, which is supposed to be the best time for enjoying sex and relationships. 

I feel like I'm aging very fast. I wasn't like this five years ago, or even two years ago. I lack energy; seeing a beautiful woman does little to me (well, I just feel pain). I assume some people's sex drive decline faster.

Should I just come to terms with reality and learn to accept this, rather than fooling myself? Thanks in advance.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I'm 27 but I feel as if I missed the boat as well. I imagine that love and sex is the best when you're youthful and everyone is at their physical peak.

Getting old sucks.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I would think that it's never too late to enjoy a relationship.


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## TorLin (Nov 14, 2006)

im 31 too. no girlfriend either. dude you have to look at the future.
change now. it can help. you can experience a girlfriend now.

only you can change the outcome of your life.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

It's never too late. Lord Baden Powell, the founder of the Boy Scouts, was not married until he was 55. I beleive that his bride was only 18.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

I truly believe that if you haven't experienced sex between 20-35 you have missed the boat.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

I completely relate, but I am a 23 year old female. And these physical expectations that we're supposed to live up to... don't make things any easier. I'm just resigned to spend the rest of my life alone. But don't you ever feel that dating culture is just hopelessly shallow and fake? I feel like dating is just this role-playing game... played to obtain the feeling of being loved. Maybe none of it's real.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

Argamemnon said:


> I truly believe that if you haven't experienced sex between 20-35 you have missed the boat.


oh don't say that... that makes me feel horribly depressed.

We don't need perfect bodies to have sex. I believe sex should be a spiritual experience.. about GIVING rather than getting. The physical conditions of your body is irrelevant. A lot of couples have the best sex when they are middle-aged.


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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

Argamemnon said:


> I truly believe that if you haven't experienced sex between 20-35 you have missed the boat.


Sex is never too late!
I was 21 when I lost my virginity, I thought I was old and late but since then I've been experiencing myself getting more well-experienced until I find someone I want to have a sexual relationship with. It feels great and I don't think there's any problem about age and sex at all.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

queequag said:


> oh don't say that... that makes me feel horribly depressed.
> 
> We don't need perfect bodies to have sex. I believe sex should be a spiritual experience.. about GIVING rather than getting. The physical conditions of your body is irrelevant. A lot of couples have the best sex when they are middle-aged.


I doubt that queequag. I don't know how it is for women, but as a man I can easily compare my physical (and mental) health to how it was 5 years ago. I'm aging and declining, it's as simple as that. I have wasted my young adulthood. I'm just starting to realize this and it hurts


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

BeautifulSorta said:


> Argamemnon said:
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> > I truly believe that if you haven't experienced sex between 20-35 you have missed the boat.
> ...


Maybe if you answered this question ten years later your answer wouldn't be the same.


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## BeautifulSorta (May 2, 2008)

Argamemnon said:


> BeautifulSorta said:
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> > Argamemnon said:
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I think I would.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

hell no. i'll be 31 in sep and sex is better now than when i was younger.


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## llj (Apr 15, 2008)

You're showing your youth and naivete a little there, and you're supposed to be OLDER than me. There are plenty of men out there who will attest to late deflowerings with unprecedented success. Someone posted an example on this thread, but it seems to have been ignored.

My first time wasn't that great (it was over too fast). I'm waiting for a second shot...but it's been almost 10 years now. That said, I don't think my lustful urges have been dampened one bit.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

It only feels "too late" if you feel that it is. There's no objective truth to that statement at all.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

I certainly feel that it's too late for me. I have this huge emotional baggage, I doubt I could ever be happy again. I have isolated myself so much from people, I no longer feel human. Maybe living alone is better for me.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

Please, please don't give up. And don't concentrate on finding true love and happiness. You won't get it from someone else. We all are empty inside.. the perfect career, perfect life and perfect love won't bring real happiness. I guess you have to re-learn to love yourself...forget about women for a while. Once you learn to love yourself again, others will see you differently.


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## queequag (May 4, 2008)

Says the perpetually single-23-year-old kid with who must obviously be an authority on love and relationships.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

I feel like crap after reading this thread.....same boat but 26 and only getting older and more depressed.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I feel indifferent to this topic because it doesnt matter for me anyway. My advice would be to see a doctor or several doctors than to have a whole bunch of different opinions. I personally just see escorts and thats not good sex eventhough I pay at least 400 in less than an hour.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> I personally just see escorts and thats not good sex eventhough I pay at least 400 in less than an hour.


I have never had sex.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Argamemnon said:


> MavenMI6Agent009 said:
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> > I personally just see escorts and thats not good sex eventhough I pay at least 400 in less than an hour.
> ...


Well, people may disagree with my idea but you could see an escort but one that charges at least 400 dollars an hour so youre less likely to catch any stds. escorts can range from 100-1000 an hour depending where you live. thats my two cents bro. I mean I was so worried about being a virgin and never having a relationship at 21 so I decided to go see an escort. and not just one and now I see some every now and than and the escorts I have seen seem to have mental problems as well like depression substance abuse, a lot of single parents, college students, etc. Im 23 and still havent had a relationship either and worried sick about it its like obessional. but if you see an escort there will be a two minute or less of satisfaction and than the majic stops there as the problem is not eliminated unless somewhow you get some sort of connection with the prostitute but she has to be at least 500 an hour not including the service fee which is like 100 to start. my two cents


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## tainted_ (Feb 20, 2008)

It is never too late to enjoy a relationship! Especially at 31! Thats young! Look at Hugh Hefner :lol But seriously so many people get married even late in their 50's and 60's. Don't give up! Also about the sex thing IMO it's a good thing you haven't been sleeping around and slept with a lot of women. You can save your love for when you meet the right person for you :cuddle


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> I feel indifferent to this topic because it doesnt matter for me anyway. My advice would be to see a doctor or several doctors than to have a whole bunch of different opinions. I personally just see escorts and thats not good sex eventhough I pay at least 400 in less than an hour.


$400? gadzooks. i know what youre doing with your stimilus check


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

tainted_ said:


> Also about the sex thing IMO it's a good thing you haven't been sleeping around and slept with a lot of women. You can save your love for when you meet the right person for you :cuddle


Men are quickly losing their sexual energy after 30-35! It is still there but it's nowhere near what it was. I'm experiencing this myself now. It's really painful to realize I have wasted my most "energetic" years :cry


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

Lesson to learn for the younger people among us: Do NOT delay your life.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I personally don't define the quality of my life upon the sex variable. I can see how difficult it would be for people though if they were doing that and finding they were losing this drive.


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## Disintegrate (Jun 28, 2006)

Argamemnon said:


> Men are quickly losing their sexual energy after 30-35! It is still there but it's nowhere near what it was. I'm experiencing this myself now. It's really painful to realize I have wasted my most "energetic" years :cry


This is news to me. :sus

Seriously, maybe you should see a doctor if you feel that you have lost that much sexual drive.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

^ yea. i think my sexual drive peaked at 27 and has plateaued since


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

Disintegrate said:


> This is news to me.


Disintegrate, are you the same as when you were 25?


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## Disintegrate (Jun 28, 2006)

Argamemnon said:


> Disintegrate said:
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> 
> > This is news to me.
> ...


I don't know...probably not. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference, though.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

Disintegrate said:


> I don't know...probably not. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference, though.


Maybe in my case it's mainly because of depression.


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## Disintegrate (Jun 28, 2006)

Argamemnon said:


> Disintegrate said:
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> > I don't know...probably not. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference, though.
> ...


That's quite possible.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

...I'm in the same boat.. i'm not high school age, or even (traditional) college-age anymore, so I'm well beyond the natural setting of meeting girls/women who at least have school-issues in common... so many women around my age 30+ are in the 'settle-down' phase of their life, and some have kids, they feel their 'wild & loose' days are behind them, maybe they've experienced sex however often so it's not a "priority" anymore.. I really am 'not' in any kind of settle-down phase, not interested in marriage any time soon.. so I feel like i'm searching for something that's not even out there..


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## tednugent2007 (Oct 28, 2007)

hypestyle, I feel like you. If I somehow manage to get my anxiety under control and get over my huge fear of women, I'm not sure I even wanna date girls my age. Most 26 27 year old girls are looking for a husband.... I just wanna have fun right now. Maybe I'll go after the 19 year olds. hahaha


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Disintegrate said:


> Argamemnon said:
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After reading this thread, I think it's definitely possible. Are you (Argamemnon) getting help for your depression? If not, it's something you should look into. Then at least you'll have a better understanding of what's going on, if it's depression or not.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

hypestyle said:


> ...I'm in the same boat.. i'm not high school age, or even (traditional) college-age anymore, so I'm well beyond the natural setting of meeting girls/women who at least have school-issues in common... so many women around my age 30+ are in the 'settle-down' phase of their life, and some have kids, they feel their 'wild & loose' days are behind them, maybe they've experienced sex however often so it's not a "priority" anymore.. I really am 'not' in any kind of settle-down phase, not interested in marriage any time soon.. so I feel like i'm searching for something that's not even out there..


I've never wanted to do anything but settle down. The "having fun" (aka hookups and casual sex) has never appealed to me. What else doesn't appeal to me is being the guy who women settle for after "having fun" during their young adult years. I don't want to be with a woman who has a long sexual history.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

Kelly said:


> After reading this thread, I think it's definitely possible. Are you (Argamemnon) getting help for your depression? If not, it's something you should look into. Then at least you'll have a better understanding of what's going on, if it's depression or not.
> 
> Have a nice day,
> Kelly


Hi Kelly, currently no.. but I did take antidepressants and had CBT in the past.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> Argamemnon said:
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> > MavenMI6Agent009 said:
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You should try talking to them.

I remember reading "The Catcher in The Rye" in which the main character, Holden Caulfield, naively hired a prostitute and spent the whole session just talking to her.

-Why not? ...You might learn something about another human being. And that'd certainly be worth it.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Argamemnon said:


> tainted_ said:
> 
> 
> > Also about the sex thing IMO it's a good thing you haven't been sleeping around and slept with a lot of women. You can save your love for when you meet the right person for you :cuddle
> ...


You should read my thread in the "Cricket's" section, titled: "Women and Aging" ... :yes

...and though I honestly feel for you: the truth is that the whole sex/biology thing is much harsher on women than it is one men  :yes


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

RubyTuesday said:


> You should read my thread in the "Cricket's" section, titled: "Women and Aging" ... :yes


I did.. interesting thread.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

tednugent2007 said:


> hypestyle, I feel like you. If I somehow manage to get my anxiety under control and get over my huge fear of women, I'm not sure I even wanna date girls my age. Most 26 27 year old girls are looking for a husband.... I just wanna have fun right now. Maybe I'll go after the 19 year olds. hahaha


the bugged-out thing is, there are 8th graders with more dating experience than me, and in the back of my head I'm seeing women getting easily annoyed/impatient with a guy who's "never" dated, and I dread having to get into why.. :rain


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Those of you who fear that "its too late" might be missing the point that your present concern about your inexperience is at least partly a function of your anxiety. If you make progress on managing your anxiety, then your fear of how you'll be perceived (as being inexperienced) will lessen also.



RubyTuesday said:


> You should read my thread in the "Cricket's" section, titled: "Women and Aging" ... :yes
> 
> ...and though I honestly feel for you: the truth is that the whole sex/biology thing is much harsher on women than it is one men  :yes


Ruby, I think you're right that women are viewed in a harsher light, but I think the differences are less than in the past. For men, the rates of cosmetic surgery, eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, and the use of things like steroids and human growth hormone are on the increase.

None of that is good news. Much better that women feel less pressure to look a certain way, than that men feel more, but I think youth is being served more than ever.

Sorry for the hijack.....


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