# 'It's personality that counts'



## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Do any men actually honestly look at a girl's personality as a primary factor for attraction? I mean, if I'm 100% honest, I'd go out with a girl who had the worst personality on earth if she looked like a model. Personality barely even enters the equation for me. Am I just horribly fickle or is anyone else the same??


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## Mystic Force (Jun 26, 2013)

Personality all the way for me, I have met girls that over time I have judged to be more or less physicaly atractive over time because of their personality. After all I want someone interesting to talk to with ideas and thoughtful insights. This might have been one of my problems though.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Damn it's probably just me then. To be honest, you feel a bit hypocritical when you're incredibly fickle but not particularly good looking. I wonder if there's a way of consciously making yourself less fickle??


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## Dark Shines (Feb 11, 2013)

It's really very important to me, there has to be emotional chemistry between me and a woman. I'm not about to say that physical compatibility doesn't matter, but I'd rather spend all my time with an average looking woman I really click with, than a gorgeous looking woman I clash with.

I suppose it might depend on age and what you're hoping to get out of the relationship. But would you really like to spend 90% of your time, _long term_, with somebody who basically just drives you 'round the twist?


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Good looks make people *think* you have a better personality. On dating site forums when good looking women act like b1tches the guys all say how smart and funny they are. But not when a plain or below average woman acts like that. The same with guys. A good looking guy can get away with incredible antisocial behavior.


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## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

Came for the looks, stayed cos the personality.

Ive been waiting forever for an opportunity to say that.:lol

But yea, looks are the main reason id approach a girl, try to get with a girl... but id fall for a girl because of her personality, i have had crushes on girls simply because i got to see how cool they were, when previously i would have just been like, hey. soooooooooo would i go with a girl because of her looks even is she had a terrible personality ... no, it wouldn't last and id feel kinda ashamed of my self. i have done it before and it doesn't feel good looking back on it and there would have been nothing i could have done to make it something that wouldn't annoy the **** out of me, all it did/would have done was damage my self esteem.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

scarpia said:


> Good looks make people *think* you have a better personality. On dating site forums when good looking women act like b1tches the guys all say how smart and funny they are. But not when a plain or below average woman acts like that. The same with guys. A good looking guy can get away with incredible antisocial behavior.


yeah I think this is actually true. I think women judge men on more factors than just looks though. I mean theres very few men who would turn women of impeccable good looks down but you get the impression a lot of women would turn extremely attractive men down if they didn't tick certain boxes


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

Usually good looks are what sparks the interest, and a good personality is what maintains it. 
Though this applies only in "real world" situations.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

first I think a girl is physically attractive, then if I get to know her, I find her either more or less attractive.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

looks don't really make me interested in girls except in a superfical i'm-sure-i'll-dislike-them-as-soon-as-i-talk-to-them kind of way. personality is important! looks can put me off someone but personality is the main thing.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Pretty much has been going in this order every date I've had.

1. Behaviour/Attitude; I notice a mature, modest, feminine nature that draws me.
2. Figure out her personality and her stand in life, not minding her appearance more than a few glances.
3. After a date, thinking about wether the looks were adequate enough for me to make it 'work'.

Most women are up to size if I notice they make an effort to keep fit.

High standards over anything.


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## xtmtx (Apr 17, 2012)

Ya I think its the girls looks that first make you attracted to her but then if they have a bad personality you probably wont stick around with them for very long. I guess its sorta like a book, if you see it has a really cool title/cover it will probably catch your attention and you will want to read it, but then when you start reading it and its a really bad book you'll probably not stick with it and stop reading.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

If a girl doesn't turn me on with her looks, I don't think I'd go for her. There's no way I'd go for an ugly one, even if she had a sweet personnality. I think most guys tend to think looks are the first factor, at least in the beginning of a relationship.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

*Personality CAN trump looks... but it doesn't always.*

If I say to a girl (or guy) I could fall in love with someone based just on personality even if they aren't physically attractive. The person I am talking to would probably think that means "having a great personality is more important to me than looks."

NO! NO! NO!!!!!

What it means is there is a One in Million woman who's personality is so amazing, and matches or clicks with my on, that for some reason I am so attracted to her personality I barely notice her looks.

I would say that has only happened once or twice in my whole life, and I'm a lot older than most of you.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Lazercarp1 said:


> Do any men actually honestly look at a girl's personality as a primary factor for attraction? I mean, if I'm 100% honest, I'd go out with a girl who had the worst personality on earth if she looked like a model. Personality barely even enters the equation for me. Am I just horribly fickle or is anyone else the same??


Ever seen that movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black? Everyone has their own tastes, if you know what you want, why not just pay for it? But I myself would much rather be with someone I just click with and can count on to get my back and want me to support her back as well, etc. That type of partnership is rare. I often see couples in the store squabbling, I see these young girls in their 20s with their 30 or 40 yr old boyfriends/husbands, asking questions like: "Why don't you ever buy this brand?" and he blatantly retorts: "Cause I'm not f'in stupid that's why.... " And I wonder if they're just used to that type of honesty or if he really doesn't appreciate her opinions at all, it just seems all so weird and off to me. I once even saw a woman with a bruised eye and her husband next to her seemed angry and she seemed scared... Yeah... Some couples, mostly young ones mind you, they're not as jaded seem happy and lovey dovey, yet it's only a matter of time before those two undergo some trials and problems, and I think how they both handle it together as a team, will inevitably determine their commitment and loyalty to one another.

Or perhaps I'm wrong, I don't know, I'm just making a guess.


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## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

Personality can make a plain girl beautiful...and a beautiful girl ugly...


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

Primary factor? No. It only matters if you're thinking of a long-term relationship.


> good looks are what sparks the interest, and a good personality is what maintains it.


^



scarpia said:


> Good looks make people *think* you have a better personality. On dating site forums when good looking women act like b1tches the guys all say how smart and funny they are. But not when a plain or below average woman acts like that. The same with guys. A good looking guy can get away with incredible antisocial behavior.


very true.


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

They both have the same importance for me, but which appearance I find attractive is very very broad so I find most girls physically attractive. Im far more selective about personality, specifically how close it is to mine.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Amphoteric said:


> Usually good looks are what sparks the interest, and a good personality is what maintains it.


This is how it usually happens when you're interested in dating someone, yes. This applies to guys and girls.

I think the people who don't consider personality at all are usually just looking for sex, not someone to date long-term. And they definitely aren't looking for love.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

This is very true. I often think it's a bit horrible for unattractive girls for people to perpetuate this 'guys will go for personality first' myth. It's like saying, 'You must have a bad personality as well' to them. To the guys who are saying they wouldn't date girls with bad personalities, are you seriously trying to tell me that if a supemodel had a bad personality you'd turn them down? Because I really don't believe it. Most guys would do whatever it took to convince themselves that they liked their personality and make things last as long as possible too, although may eventually end things.

The thing is what I see in real life doesn't tally up to what I hear on here. You often see guys being treated like s** by attractive women and staying with them in spite of it. I think it works on a relationship level as well as a sexual level as well. I wish it didn't I don't really like to think of people being rewarded just for looking good. The world's not fair I guess.


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## Lazarusx (Apr 14, 2013)

Appearance will create the initial attraction, but the personality will determine the depth of that attraction.

Personality can overshadow appearance, i've usually seen this with friends who become lovers, initially there was no attraction but over time an attraction develops through personality.. but if we're referring to instant attraction, appearance will always dominate.

You also have to consider that biology plays a massive role in determining attraction, although it may be a subconscious influence it has a major role, you will generally seek out someone who looks healthier then someone who doesn't.


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## mahnamahna (Apr 10, 2013)

For me... personality, but it's more that attractive girls bore me to tears since they tend to like Pretty Little Liars, Twilight, etc and they also only see me as an adorable Care Bear since I'm so small (I think cute girls don't even see me as a potential bf at all) while the less attractive girls tend to be blessed with intelligence, humor, humility (since guys ignore them for the most part).

So it goes like this for me: If she's sweet, Christian, has a decent figure (a healthy weight - not skinny, but not fat), loves sci-fi and ice cream, and has beautiful feet... I don't need much else lol. 

Of course, guys look for looks first - they won't admit it but it's 100% true - but I wouldn't date a girl who's boring or an airhead. I'd want a smart girl who can talk about most anything - politics, sports, movies, TV, music, food, random stuff, etc. 

But I'll be honest... I wouldn't date a girl who I personally found unattractive in the looks department - I don't want to any girl on, since I know how much it hurts :/


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Both, I could not got either way. I wouldnt find her attractive if she had a bad personality, and if I was not physically attracted to her, I could not maintain the feelings.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

Lazercarp1 said:


> Do any men actually honestly look at a girl's personality as a primary factor for attraction? I mean, if I'm 100% honest, I'd go out with a girl who had the worst personality on earth if she looked like a model. Personality barely even enters the equation for me. Am I just horribly fickle or is anyone else the same??


i dont think anything as a primary for me... i look at the total package... which means that personality can make up for someone not being all that attractive while looks can make up for someone not being super charismatic... it also means someone who has a balance of both with out one necessarily being a strength is ok too...

but that doesnt mean that a girl can be a ***** if she looks good... i wont put up with a bad personaility... i just mean she doesnt have to be the funniest or most charming but she still has to be level headed


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## Dark Shines (Feb 11, 2013)

Beingofglass said:


> 1. Behaviour/Attitude; I notice a mature, modest, feminine nature that draws me.


 This has pretty much always been the initial step for me. I don't tend to look around for a *body and a face* that I like, that's not enough for me.

I'll be attracted by a woman's demeanor, how she carries herself, how she's dressed, how she stands, how she smiles, how she expresses herself, it's amazing just how much of a person's personality is reflected in their physical character and this is my cue to decide whether she is somebody I want to be with. I tend to cast a broader net aesthetically than I do with these things.


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## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

I know of a couple where the wife is very beautiful, honestly better looking than he is and no matter how badly she behaves the husband puts up with it.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

all these people saying they wouldn't find a supermodel attractive if they had a bad personality. Are you sure here?? Coz I know for a fact that there are girls who if they asked out anybody in a room, the person would say yes on the basis of the girl's looks without knowing anything whatsoever about her (unless the guy had his pick of women and even the most attractive girls were ten a penny to him I guess)


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

My male friend had prettiest wife ever. Whole town admired her. He left her after she started to beat him. He says now looks does not matter. I believe him.


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

Lazercarp1 said:


> all these people saying they wouldn't find a supermodel attractive if they had a bad personality. Are you sure here?? Coz I know for a fact that there are girls who if they asked out anybody in a room, the person would say yes on the basis of the girl's looks without knowing anything whatsoever about her (unless the guy had his pick of women and even the most attractive girls were ten a penny to him I guess)


Well there's a difference between a 10/10 who you know nothing about and a 10/10 with a terrible personality. Might aswell give it a shot, get to know her a bit on that date and if she turns out to be a horrible person leave it at that one date.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Lazercarp1 said:


> all these people saying they wouldn't find a supermodel attractive if they had a bad personality. Are you sure here?


I'm pretty sure. I'd rather have tacos anyway. Great tacos look beautiful and have a brilliant personality.










But seriously, I'd come to terms with well under even/proportionate, with an inclination towards personality. Though it would take longer for me to develop any sort of romantic feelings for the person. I don't talk to people solely because of their looks anymore; I have to know them as a person to develop any sentiments for them further than "Wow, you're really pretty." And even then, I wouldn't act on just that.


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## Beingofglass (May 5, 2013)

Lazercarp1 said:


> all these people saying they wouldn't find a supermodel attractive if they had a bad personality. Are you sure here?? Coz I know for a fact that there are girls who if they asked out anybody in a room, the person would say yes on the basis of the girl's looks without knowing anything whatsoever about her (unless the guy had his pick of women and even the most attractive girls were ten a penny to him I guess)


Sure. Try to put up with an insecure woman with issues in a relationship for atleast a year or so, then you'll be inclined to understand that looks are extremely overrated and it's all about all the other stuff. The diffrence between average looking woman and a "10/10" is surprisingly TINY.
Who would've thought hot women are'nt magical?? Gasp! Blasphemy.


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## Spungo (Jul 30, 2012)

scarpia said:


> Good looks make people *think* you have a better personality. On dating site forums when good looking women act like b1tches the guys all say how smart and funny they are. But not when a plain or below average woman acts like that. The same with guys. A good looking guy can get away with incredible antisocial behavior.


Those men aren't stupid. They're lying and they know it. I've done that lots of times. "Oh you're so funny! " 
I just said that to be nice because I'm nicer to people who look better. It's risky to do that to someone ugly because then they think you're hitting on them. Example: a woman laughs at a greasy nerd's joke. She's totally screwed after that because he thinks she's interested in him.



> I know of a couple where the wife is very beautiful, honestly better looking than he is and no matter how badly she behaves the husband puts up with it.


Lots of ugly men and women get away with abuse. The real lesson here is that humans love being abused. Women even have a name for the test to see if they can get away with abusive behavior, called a sh!t test. Google that term and see how many millions of results you get.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

A lot of people share your views OP. They feel as though there is no point in having a relationship with someone that isn't gorgeous. It seems like the only thing that matters.

I think this is likely because you haven't connected with anyone on a non-superficial level yet. In your perspective, it's impossible to feel anything other than lust towards a woman. You aren't concerned about her thoughts, her feelings, her character, her interests, her past, her future, or anything of the sort. You want pleasant visuals, because that's the only thing that piques your interest. Until you experience what it's like to be with a woman that you genuinely connect with, it will never seem like something you want to pursue.

It could also be because the only thing you're looking for is sexual gratification. Plenty of men and women are like that. For them, a relationship means that you have access to sex on a regular basis. That's it. No more, no less. Their significant other isn't really all that significant; they're just a tool used to satisfy sexual urges when they crop up (because masturbation just doesn't cut it).

Everyone is shallow to a certain extent. I wouldn't date someone that I had zero physical attraction towards, but if given the choice between a girl of average attractiveness that I had a lot in common with or a supermodel that I thoroughly disliked when we weren't in bed, I would choose the former. Sure it might seem awesome to roll around in the sack with a gorgeous woman, but eventually you get used to it. You will get bored and likely want to move on to a new woman. People are only captivated by pretty things for a little while and then they grow out of it. Why do you think the fashion industry changes so often? People might like how something looks one day, but they'll hate it the next.

Aesthetics are short-term, character is long-term.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Daveyboy said:


> Personality can make a plain girl beautiful...and a beautiful girl ugly...


^This is very true.



Grand said:


> Hot girls with horrible personalities will always have boyfriends.


^This is also true, *but* those boyfriends will usually be arseholes. Arseholes who'll probably cheat or leave once they get tired of her or her looks start to go.



Lazercarp1 said:


> To the guys who are saying they wouldn't date girls with bad personalities, are you seriously trying to tell me that if a supemodel had a bad personality you'd turn them down?


Yes I would. I think you're conflating "Date" with "Stick around", or a "Relationship". Sure the super hot girl will have absolutely no trouble getting a date, but whether those guys stick around for more than a few dates will depend on her personality (_and_ the guy's personality).

Daveyboy is right. You'd be surprised how a bad personality can kill physical attraction. By the same token, I've found that if you discover that someone who you initially weren't all that physically attracted to has a great personality, then they can begin to seem physically attractive to you. I've had both experiences before.

Trust me OP, one day you'll meet someone who you are initially very physically attracted to, but then she'll mention that she molests puppies or collects Nazi memorabilia and suddenly she won't seem attractive to you anymore.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I also think it's worth mentioning that supermodels are not actually the most physically attractive people around, they just have the particular body type that the fashion industry is looking for at this point in time.


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## Spungo (Jul 30, 2012)

Rainbat said:


> Aesthetics are short-term, character is long-term.


This is exactly why abusive relationships last forever: people love being abused. Men lose their hair, women start eating 3x as much, but it's that violence that keeps us together. I just found out my brother still talks to his crazy ex who obviously has borderline personality disorder, and she starts screaming at him for no reason at all. If she was like any of his nice or sane ex girlfriends, she would be gone and they would never talk again, but that violent behavior keeps the lines of communication open. I know lots of people like this. My best friend still sees his insane ex from time to time, and she was crazy as hell. Another friend has been breaking up and getting back together with the same guy for about 5 years now, and they're the kind of people who get in screaming matches where people slam doors and break things to express how angry they are.

If you want a long lasting and satisfying relationship, go to an Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meeting and start hitting on people. Eventually they'll get back on heroin, drama ensues, you try to murder each other, and you'll still claim to like each other after all of that.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> ^This is very true.
> 
> ^This is also true, *but* those boyfriends will usually be arseholes. Arseholes who'll probably cheat or leave once they get tired of her or her looks start to go.
> 
> ...


So you think a super hot girl with a bland personality will struggle to find a boyfriend who isn't an arsehole then by that logic? Again, are you sure?????


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## Spungo (Jul 30, 2012)

Lazercarp1 said:


> So you think a super hot girl with a bland personality will struggle to find a boyfriend who isn't an arsehole then by that logic? Again, are you sure?????


She thinks they're dating, but they're really just sleeping together. Eventually she'll say they should get married, and he'll say "I'm not ready to commit at this time" which is his way of saying "you're a horrible person, I don't like you, and I'm just here for the sex."


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Lazercarp1 said:


> So you think a super hot girl with a *bland* personality will struggle to find a boyfriend who isn't an arsehole then by that logic? Again, are you sure?????


Well not a _bland _personality no, I was more talking about people who actually have a _*bad*_ personality. The person I quoted mentioned *"horrible"* personalities.

If you're arguing that the bar is lowered slightly for good looking people then I suspect there might be some truth in that. That's true in many aspects of life, not just for personality.

But what is certain is that if a woman is an unpleasant person, then a lot of guys, myself included, aren't going to put up with her ****, no matter how physically attractive she may be.

Can I ask, is there at least one personality trait that you yourself absolutely can not stand? e.g. selfishness, cruelty, racism etc...


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Hell yeah, I want a real girl anyday over a fake girl that has model-like appearance but a shallow personality. If the real girl is a looker as well, well hot-damn everything's coming up Milhouse!


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Spungo said:


> Abusive relationships.


You're right man. By encouraging people to care more about personality and character, I'm an inconsiderate jerk.


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Spungo said:


> She thinks they're dating, but they're really just sleeping together. Eventually she'll say they should get married, and he'll say "I'm not ready to commit at this time" which is his way of saying "you're a horrible person, I don't like you, and I'm just here for the sex."


haha yeah that's actually true I guess


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## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Well not a _bland _personality no, I was more talking about people who actually have a _*bad*_ personality. The person I quoted mentioned *"horrible"* personalities.
> 
> If you're arguing that the bar is lowered slightly for good looking people then I suspect there might be some truth in that. That's true in many aspects of life, not just for personality.
> 
> ...


I don't think it's just lowered though I think they need to have a really negative personality trait to be rejected. I've always thought it must be good for girls in a way being judged so heavily on appearance because it means that if a guy likes them, he will be there for them whatever. If they lose their job, get really depressed or suddenly decide to become a Jehovah's witness then **** it, if they are attractive enough, the guy will still be accepting. I guess in some weird way, it's less judgemental than judging someone based on every aspect of their character.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I don't think being shallow is necessarily bad, it all depends on your motives and expectations. Regardless, personality tends to be a significant factor for me.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

i think its a combination of personality and looks.


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## OwlGirl (Jun 28, 2013)

Dangers of having an ego disorder are as follows


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I am repulsed by ugly personalities.

Get them away from me.

Please.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

There is no denying it, looks matter. But every girl Ive found extremely attractive, I've found so because of her personality and every girl I've found repulsive is repulsive to me because of her personality (most of those girls are even failry good looking). I'd rather date a sweet, caring and fun 5 than a dumb, shallow annoying 10.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

any guy who says personality doesnt matter has never been in a relationship. they dont matter for casual sex or a fling, but if you're going to be spending a lot of time around a girl and she has a ****ty personality, its going to be hell. they both matter. there is no reason you cant find someone with a personality who you're also physically attracted to.

being attractive and having a good personality are not mutually exclusive, I hate it when people make it seem like you can _only_ be good looking or have a personality.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

People sure do like to assume that the "10s" have crap personalities.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> People sure do like to assume that the "10s" have crap personalities.


unrelated, but did you find a gf from sas


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Elad said:


> unrelated, but did you find a gf from sas


I did.


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## OtherBrain (Jul 4, 2013)

Looks for short term, personality for long term


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I did.


well I guess thats that

proof to everyone alone on these forums that sheer persistence and borderline harassment pays off

bravo sir

bravo


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Elad said:


> well I guess thats that
> 
> proof to everyone alone on these forums that sheer persistence and borderline harassment pays off
> 
> ...


I didn't even know what she looked like. I just decided to begin developing friendly bonds with women on here via text messages and phone conversations. I ended up meeting some of them. When I met my girlfriend, I was immediately attracted to her. I didn't hesitate to tell her how beautiful her eyes were.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I didn't even know what she looked like. I just decided to begin developing friendly bonds with women on here via text messages and phone conversations. I ended up meeting some of them. When I met my girlfriend, I was immediately attracted to her. I didn't hesitate to tell her how beautiful her eyes were.


congrats, dont take what I said to heart. nice to see some positive coming out of the negative.

gjdm


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Elad said:


> congrats, dont take what I said to heart. nice to see some positive coming out of the negative.
> 
> gjdm


I didn't. I just wanted to provide some background for our curious readers out there. Thanks bro-lad. :]


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## MM Gloria (May 14, 2012)

I'm all for personality first and foremost; I consider looks afterwards. I know looks don't last forever...and so if I want to be with a girl, and I want our relationship to last forever, I look to make sure that she has an excellent personality (or at least excellent to my standards).


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This question gets old after a while. For me, it has to be someone I'm physically attracted to, for w/e reason, and we have to get along and I like her personality. She can be really pretty but if we don't click or if her personality sucks then I won't want to date her very long.


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