# I honestly can't decide whether work is better or worse for my mental health



## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

The downside of unemployment is big: no money to do anything, isolation, boredom (the worst of all) and feeling generally worthless. On the other hand being employed i find it brings out all my insecurities: feeling like i'm not as as smart and as capable as others are at work, feeling i'm too stupid to even belong in these office jobs and everyone around me gets it quicker than me and with half the fuss.
I just feel work just fuels my feelings of inferiority and i constantly find evidence to support that belief in the workplace. My OCD has worsened considerably (just in my head, people can't see it luckily) since starting my job in the middle of last year that i'm still in now and i'm sure its because of my anxieties about this job.
I really wonder if i'd be better off unemployed sometimes or doing some menial work that doesn't challenge me, i enjoy using my brain i liked being challenged, but this constant feeling of being too stupid and inferior to everybody else around me and that i'm just not good enough coupled with my horrid OCD makes everyday at my workplace a living hell.
I really wish this damned organ in my chest would just stop working so i could leave this world of unbelievable torture.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Well I dont know aboout you but working makes my depression so much worse. That's why I mainly do temporary work because after a few months of working i'm ready to have a breakdown.


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## Storm in Jupiter (May 19, 2014)

I SO understand you. I actually typically work from home doing freelance writing, but I decided recently that it was time to get a "real" job (especially since I hadn't been seriously writing in a LONG time, just being a depressed slore), so I jumped at the first opportunity that was offered to me.

I lasted all of a week at this retail job and I found that while my co-workers were all very nice, the job did nothing but compound by negative thoughts and emotions - I kept thinking about how the other new hires were faster/more efficient than me. More capable, more "normal". I think they really liked me in the interview process and I felt as though I just let everyone down and was disingenuous.

I actually was a no-call, no-show (cowardly, I know) on Monday and I e-mailed a resignation letter to my general manager and tried to be honest about why I couldn't work there anymore.

I felt bad to just abandon ship like that, but I panicked and just needed out.


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## modusPonens (Apr 19, 2014)

I know what you mean, when I started working I had really bad pure o ocd but after a couple of months working it was pretty much gone i guess it due to keeping myself busy, but now I've been unemployed for a couple of months & it has slowly started coming back but I'm learning to control it now


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

That's why I'm afraid of looking for a job. Someone might actually hire me. Now, I feel the downsides of unemployment, but I'm so anxious and comfortable in my bubble. I need some benzos to start applying, no joke.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

I'm an introvert, so obviously I enjoy being alone and just being in my own little world. Being around loads of other people can be quite draining for me. I lack the ability to empathize with most people so that makes it even worse.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

I'm glad a thread like this has come up because there's not many weeks that go by where I don't have similar thoughts and feelings. 

On the downside to not having a job, I can't live without working. Unfortunately I'm not rich enough where I can simply sit back, put my feet up and do nothing. My job that actually keeps my existence going. Pointless as it is, it keeps me ticking over and allows us to keep a roof over our heads. It pays me to basically survive and little else. Pleasures or extras? You can pretty much forget it. I save as much as I can. If it wasn't for my job, I'd lose close to everything within months of being unemployed. 

In this respect, work is a necessary evil. I accept that.

On the downside to having a job – I have spells of depression mixed in with daily anxiety and stress. I have little doubt that working is very slowly killing me. I simply can't cope when things go wrong and I'm useless at communicating with people. Whenever I try, I'm either snubbed, laughed at, looked at as if I'm an alien, spoken down to like a child or simply ignored altogether. I've completely and utterly had enough of it. I'm now losing my hair, I'm always tired (spend half the weekend asleep just to recover) and I'm always worried about queries and problems lying around. I hate it. I genuinely loathe working now.

It's not as if I'm one of those people always out of work. I've been in the 'world of work' since I was 16 and in that time have only been out of work for two months (when I was laid off from my first job). Those two months felt like a holiday. If I had more redundancy pay to live from, I would have happily extended it by another month or two. I didn't have to get up before the sun was up. I done what I wanted, when I wanted and most importantly, I didn't have to deal with problems or force myself to mix with people. It was bliss.

Unfortunately, we're now living very much in an era where you no longer work to live. You live to work – and that’s utterly wrong. Since the economy went west, it's basically the modern equivalent of slavery – especially if you're working long hours for practically minimum wage as I (and no doubt many others) now have to do.

If I ever won the lottery or come into serious money some way, my notice would be handed in to my boss first thing the following morning and you wouldn't see me for dust. I'm not one of those idiots who would continue on regardless, when they knew full well they could pack it in. Even if the win wasn't that big where it didn't actually improve my quality of life and had to stay struggling on by – at least I had money there to afford not to have to go to the daily grind of work. I'd happily ration my winnings to annual 'chunks' I could have.

Roll on retirement as far as I'm concerned. I just want out of the work environment at the earliest opportunity when I have enough money from savings in order to do so. Sadly that's still many years away for me but every penny I save counts as far as I'm concerned.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Hayman said:


> I'm glad a thread like this has come up because there's not many weeks that go by where I don't have similar thoughts and feelings.
> 
> On the downside to not having a job, I can't live without working. Unfortunately I'm not rich enough where I can simply sit back, put my feet up and do nothing. My job that actually keeps my existence going. Pointless as it is, it keeps me ticking over and allows us to keep a roof over our heads. It pays me to basically survive and little else. Pleasures or extras? You can pretty much forget it. I save as much as I can. If it wasn't for my job, I'd lose close to everything within months of being unemployed.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean about work slowly killing you, everyday i wake up i feel so depressed that i have to go to my boring job. I'm the artistic type and my heart longs for a creative job, but my mental health issues have destroyed opportunities in the past like it ruins everything in my life.
I had about 3 months off a couple of years back, i got a big holiday pay out so lived off that, then got the benefit to keep me going. I loved it, i worked on this 3D model everyday (i studied 3d animation) so it wasn't like i was bored. Was great woke up when i wanted and had this fun creative project to work on at my leisure.
I'd like to do it again in the future take a couple of months off and do some artistic pursuit it's very rewarding. Sure i won't be earning money and i'll probably burn through some savings, but at least i won't wake up everyday full of depression at the thought of the day ahead.
Being happy is so much more important than making money, you need money to survive obviously but if it means working like an unhappy slave i have to wonder is there a better way?
I love that quote that nobody ever puts on their tombstone 'i wish i'd put in more hours at the office.' I should frame that and put it on my wall.


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## fonz (Oct 15, 2008)

bottleofblues said:


> I know what you mean about work slowly killing you, everyday i wake up i feel so depressed that i have to go to my boring job. I'm the artistic type and my heart longs for a creative job, but my mental health issues have destroyed opportunities in the past like it ruins everything in my life.
> I had about 3 months off a couple of years back, i got a big holiday pay out so lived off that, then got the benefit to keep me going. I loved it, i worked on this 3D model everyday (i studied 3d animation) so it wasn't like i was bored. Was great woke up when i wanted and had this fun creative project to work on at my leisure.
> I'd like to do it again in the future take a couple of months off and do some artistic pursuit it's very rewarding. Sure i won't be earning money and i'll probably burn through some savings, but at least i won't wake up everyday full of depression at the thought of the day ahead.
> *Being happy is so much more important than making money, you need money to survive obviously but if it means working like an unhappy slave i have to wonder is there a better way?
> I love that quote that nobody ever puts on their tombstone 'i wish i'd put in more hours at the office.' I should frame that and put it on my wall.*


Of course there is a better way,I've always had confidence in that. I just haven't done much about exploring it yet,LOL.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

The last job I had I was working 14-15 hour days with no overtime paid and no time to do anything I wanted myself I think it broke my brain I'm working in a chilled environment now feeding some animals for a relative 2-3 hours a day but the pay is not near as good


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

IDK. I wouldn't mind a job where I can just work 4 hours shifts a few times a week. For some reason I always get jobs that give me 10+ hours a day for 5 days a week. I just want a part time easy job. I can't get one. How can you expect someone with social anxiety to put on a fake face for 10 hours at a time??


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## Omgblood (Jun 30, 2010)

God work is the biggest waste of life ever. I don't want to be a damn wage slave so that some Ceo and board of directors can cash in on my labor. I was a pretty happy person before I started working, then I slowly found myself to be a slave, doing menial and fulfilling work.

I can't believe, that before I started working, I wanted to work so bad and put so much effort into finding a job. But now that I'm working.. its ****ing terrible.

Work has made my inadequacies come to surface. I see that I'm not as socially adept as the others. Conversations with others can be agonizing and they would rather avoid talking to me at times. I see that extroverts are deemed more important, and that as long as you talk well, you don't have to do **** for work. I also see that 'good social skills' are a requirement for any decent position. I also see that the people working in higher positions tend to be taller. 


I have to be more careful about airing my complaints to my co-workers. Of course they'll go back and tell the supervisor that I complain. 

I may be projecting, but one time I called my supervisor and he rejected my call. I'm not offended about that part, I mean he may of been busy, but what I was offended by was that instead of rejecting he actually picked up the phone thinking he rejected the call. Then, all I could hear was him talking to his friend about me.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i dont give a **** about how i feel, as long as i get paid i'd suck dicks if i can make six figures a year which would be the only way for me to attract girls


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## mysterymachine (Mar 6, 2015)

Likewise.

Being unemployed made me stressed out and depressed because i felt like i was inferior to people who do have jobs.

But having a job is even more stressful because even though i'm pretty good at the work, it's stressful and overwhelming sometimes and really bad for my mental health ever since they gave me the late night hours. And on top of that, it's painful to watch everyone else at work talk to each other so well, while i try to talk to them and they don't even give me a response. And i feel like the people who are good with people get the easier work.


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## NicholasLG (Jul 26, 2014)

Both have downfalls. But the reality is, money is a necessity unfortunately. My job hurts my mental health and its only part time but it also is teaching me how to deal with it to a certain degree. I just wish i could find a job i enjoy and feel comfortable with to go to everyday.


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## Zero Escape (Mar 7, 2015)

I feel like every day I spend at work is a step backwards as far as my mental health is concerned, but unfortunately most of us need to do it. In the corporate atmosphere everyone is just pushing their own agendas and trying to get promoted. I've found they will stab you in the back the first chance they get, regardless of how friendly they have been in the past. I've also found that coworkers love to tear others down to build themselves up. So of course this is terrible for anxiety and depression of any kind. And the fact that I won't fight back just makes me an easy target.

I've been in the workforce for about 5 years and it's been an awful experience. Has anyone felt like their office is at about the same maturity level as a high school? I was admittedly naïve when I started my first job. I thought I would be working with responsible adults. Instead I found people talk behind the backs of others and love to point out mistakes and shortcomings. Worst of all, managers tend to play favorites and let's face it, shy and anxious people are rarely going to be picked as a favorite. It seems more like a popularity contest than actual work. Isn't the point of working to grow a business and team up to achieve results? I don't see the atmosphere changing, so finding a way to cope is necessary. Easier said than done.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I can't function successfully at work without benzos. It depresses me, because I know they are not meant to be a long-term solution. I also know that doctors prescribe them for long stretches of time despite that, so I feel like in order to survive, economically, I have to take these pills that I know jeopardize my cognitive capacities, including memory and possibly intelligence loss. 

I feel like I can't win, and I can't really tell anyone about my situation, because they would all just tell me to get off the meds, but they just don't understand what I'm going through. Work is constant exposure therapy for me, and I don't notice I'm getting better. I think some people are just wired to be like me, and it served an evolutionary purpose at some point, and arguably still does, and I can't be talked out of what I feel is a physiological, genetic base-line of emotion and behavior. 

*sigh* I feel so alone, and like there is nothing I can do. I hate that I have to keep this all to myself. I would share it, but only if the person listening recognized that there is no solution. I just need someone to know what I'm going through, but they all want to give their worthless advice. 

And beyond any of that, I still can't find anyone who can figure out a way to love me.


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## Braaainns (May 17, 2012)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> Well I dont know aboout you but working makes my depression so much worse. That's why I mainly do temporary work because after a few months of working i'm ready to have a breakdown.


This is exactly me- no matter ho much you hate your job/co-workers you know you only have to endure them for a few weeks/months before you can start fresh somewhere else. I couldn't imagine being in a permanent job, doing the same thing and seeing the same people day in, day out. I get depressed doing the same job for over a month so that's not an option for me right now :/ thank god for temporary work!


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Braaainns said:


> This is exactly me- no matter ho much you hate your job/co-workers you know you only have to endure them for a few weeks/months before you can start fresh somewhere else. I couldn't imagine being in a permanent job, doing the same thing and seeing the same people day in, day out. I get depressed doing the same job for over a month so that's not an option for me right now :/ thank god for temporary work!


oh so you're a temp too? awesome!! it sucks when you're in between jobs and cant find anything like me atm


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## JamesM2 (Aug 29, 2012)

I quit my job a couple of months ago and don't miss it at all. I'm not the type of person who gets a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment out of being a wage slave - I hated every bit of it. Spending all day chained to a desk, KPIs, networking, corporate values/philosophies, personal development reviews - what a load of absolute crap, the lot of it.


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## Omgblood (Jun 30, 2010)

JamesM2 said:


> I quit my job a couple of months ago and don't miss it at all. I'm not the type of person who gets a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment out of being a wage slave - I hated every bit of it. Spending all day chained to a desk, KPIs, networking, corporate values/philosophies, personal development reviews - what a load of absolute crap, the lot of it.


Personal developement reviews. Wth is that exactly?


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Oh i so agree with you. Joining the workforce scares the crap out me. The work, the ppl, the idea i might get fired or talked down to.. AGAIN.

Thats why for now im volunteering at local animal shelter. I'm busy, it gets me out of the house.. i can socialise as little or as much as i want with other ppl, theres no tight time crunch, just so long as things get done, its fine. No backstabbing... its like.. awesome..

And as soon as July comes around im going to be studying as well.


I totally know what u mean tho, OP. I think this on a daily basis. Glad you brought it up. It's like i could've written it myself. Except for that very last part, cos i dnt want my heart to stop suddenly. I'm actually happy atm  But yes, i agree with everything else u said.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

monotonous said:


> i dont give a **** about how i feel, as long as i get paid i'd suck dicks if i can make six figures a year which would be the only way for me to attract girls


Gay porn pays well. I think gay pornstars have to be hot white guys though. DAmn.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Braaainns said:


> This is exactly me- no matter ho much you hate your job/co-workers you know you only have to endure them for a few weeks/months before you can start fresh somewhere else. I couldn't imagine being in a permanent job, doing the same thing and seeing the same people day in, day out. I get depressed doing the same job for over a month so that's not an option for me right now :/ thank god for temporary work!


Yeah i like temping, i couldn't imagine staying where i am the moment for years. I get bored of jobs so easily, temping means change and variety and although it brings about anxiety when starting a new job, its stops things getting too much like groundhog day for years on end.
I kind of feel more free when temping, i don't feel like i'm tied down to this company or that, i'm just here to help them out for a bit then be on my merry way.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

i "temp" all over the country. We're known as "travelers" or "independent medical contractors" - even though we still go through an agency.

With the job market the way it is now, the only places you can take a position temporarily? Are facilities out in the middle of Nowhere, or facilities that are so highly dysfunctional that no one can stay in those environments - but for short periods of time. 3-6 months.

Even when i first graduated from college, instead of taking the full time jobs that i worked at in my clinical rotations, i immediately started seeking work at local temp agencies. That was pretty "ballsy".. because of lack of experience-but i was smart enough to "hold my own"..

Each time i would TRY to work full time, i got bored with the same damn personalities, 
the same dysfunction, 
the same lying, 
same gossiping, 
same backbiting, 
the same trees, 
rocks 
traffic.. 

then depression sets in, and i just want to get the hell out of there. 

I've come to the conclusion that the work environment is nothing but a large sanitarium. Where people are actually paid to be f****king crazy.


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## SickAndTiredofSA (Mar 31, 2015)

mcmuffinme said:


> I can't function successfully at work without benzos. It depresses me, because I know they are not meant to be a long-term solution. I also know that doctors prescribe them for long stretches of time despite that, so I feel like in order to survive, economically, I have to take these pills that I know jeopardize my cognitive capacities, including memory and possibly intelligence loss.
> 
> I feel like I can't win, and I can't really tell anyone about my situation, because they would all just tell me to get off the meds, but they just don't understand what I'm going through. Work is constant exposure therapy for me, and I don't notice I'm getting better. I think some people are just wired to be like me, and it served an evolutionary purpose at some point, and arguably still does, and I can't be talked out of what I feel is a physiological, genetic base-line of emotion and behavior.
> 
> ...


HEY if you need someone to vent to email me [email protected]  i'll listen


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## WishingIwasnt (Apr 3, 2015)

I love my co-workers but I feel like my job is like being in purgatory (spelling?). It's like going to hell every day so that I can feed and house myself and my husband. I sit at a desk in a corner and it's so boring I want to die. I appreciate all of you writing so that I don't feel so alone.
Sending you all my sympathies...really.


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