# I'm going to leave my comfort zone.



## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

No more sitting around and whining on the internet.

-I joined a support group in my city for people with social anxiety. I will try to attend their meetings. 
-I will be going to my sister's bbq next Saturday/Sunday. I'm even going to bring my swim shorts to go in the hot tub. 
-I'm going to the counseling center tomorrow (first day back at university) to discuss my anxiety with a professional.
-I'm going to the campus pub and getting a beer. 
-I'm going to stay on campus more to study and socialize. I won't just power walk from class back to the transit station and come home.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Those are really good goals. That's great you joined a support group, hope the meetings go all right. You should let us know how all these things go :] Good luck at school tomorrow!


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Yeah, tell us how you go. Good luck!


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## mkp1974 (Jul 18, 2009)

Good luck to you . I have pretty much given up on all that stuff. I have made the decision that living with low anxiety in my comfort zone is a better life for me than dealing with the anxiety that comes with trying to live like other people. I know I will never like crap like going out to bars and parties. If I have something like that planned ahead of time, I worry and ruminate about it to the point that I am miserable. If I do it 100 times, and it gets easier even, I will never enjoy it. I just hope to add a few things to my life that give me pleasure. To hell with it.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

mkp1974 said:


> Good luck to you . I have pretty much given up on all that stuff. I have made the decision that living with low anxiety in my comfort zone is a better life for me than dealing with the anxiety that comes with trying to live like other people. I know I will never like crap like going out to bars and parties. If I have something like that planned ahead of time, I worry and ruminate about it to the point that I am miserable. If I do it 100 times, and it gets easier even, I will never enjoy it. I just hope to add a few things to my life that give me pleasure. To hell with it.


I had that mentality too, for about 2 and a half years. I decided "I will never be with a women, ever." and "I'm perfectly fine having no friends."

I wouldn't classify this period of my life as 'bad'. It's been safe, comfortable, and uneventful.

However, it's been lonely, not very challenging, and hasn't allowed for much personal growth. On top of that, I still experienced plenty of anxiety, and had difficulty with normal social interactions when I had to, like at work, in class, with relatives, or even while shopping.

I can't avoid socialization. Well, I could, but that would require me to drop out of college, live in my parents house forever and be a waste of flesh. No thanks.

I can't avoid my natural human instinct to want to make friends, to be a social creature, to want to have women in my life, etc.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

I'm back from my first day, here's what happened. 

-I called the counseling center first and they got me an appointment on Thursday. 
-I visited the study abroad center and got some info, I'm also going to a information session on Thursday. 
-I went to my prof's office hours to discuss my anxiety problems. He gave me some reassurance that the presentations in the class wouldn't be so bad. 
-After that, I went to the campus pub, alone, and got a couple beers and poutine. I felt like an idiot because I was probably the only person in the pub alone. Note to self: Going to pubs alone isn't fun.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Wow, you actually did everything you set out to do. I'm so used to making goals and never accomplishing them. That's awesome. Good luck with the appointment and information session.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Hey you live in Alberta! LETS BE REAL LIFE FRIENDS WHERE DO YOU LIVE o_o

I used to do that too. I don't know what happened that caused me to change. I think the main thing was acknowledging that my current life is unsatisfying and that not doing anything to move away from my comfort zone ****ing sucks. Whenever I wanted to skip a workout, or eat white rice instead of brown, or not go outside, I would remind myself that I needed to have discipline to get anywhere. 

Here's a line from a video game (Rome: Total War) that I like to repeat to myself: "Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage."

Edit: Thanks for the link and advice Sebastian. I took a quick look at the site before I left, I'll look into it more now.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Sebastiaan: You and that site mention EFT. Could you tell me about it? What is it? How did it help you? 

Updating this thread because today i went to the study abroad session and saw the counselor. 

Counseling was very intense. She probed me and got everything. I've never told someone in real life about my social anxiety, especially all the intricate details of when it started, why, etc . It was very difficult to verbalize... I got emotional at times. That sucked. But she was so non-judgmental and extremely nice. The first 3 sessions are free as well. 

Study abroad session was generic information session, I'm not sure I'm going to apply. They say that the best kind of students for studying abroad have good communication skills, strong sense of self, all that stuff that I don't have yet. And that stress and emotional problems often magnify while abroad. Seems like an extrovert's adventure.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Sebastiaan said:


> This does not mean that you change your personality IF YOU DON'T WANT TO...
> 
> You just peel of the layers of social anxiety that are now covering up your true personality. You will be more of yourself. And you will love the person you are, you feel great.
> 
> You can however, use it to me more extraverted if you wish to be more extraverted.


I'm responding to all of your post but quoting this part in particular,

You bet I want to change my personality. I want to break down everything I know about myself and restart. My values, my beliefs, my perception of the world. So, sounds like a study abroad program is definitely for me. I want to become a changed person.

I;m at home today because of a nasty cold, so I'm going to look at all your EFT stuff in more detail.


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Great thread. Interesting links, Sabastiaan and well done Saillias on achieving your goals! And I'm really glad your counselling has started off well.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

I signed up and downloaded your videos / PDFs yesterday. 

I just thought I'd bring something to your attention. Once you click on the link that is sent via e-mail and are sent to the page with the download links, if you close that window it doesn't allow you to return to that page unless you subscribe again with a different e-mail address. 

I only downloaded the first video and exited the browser, so when I wanted to watch the 2nd video I had to sign up again with a different email to watch the other video.


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## Happ2beme (Jul 13, 2009)

> No more sitting around and whining on the internet.


Good for you! :clap


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Well, I pretty much finished my list by going to my sister's BBQ and going in *gasp* the hot tub... With girls there! 

I was worried the whole time about what people think of me. I'm trying hard to stop. I had plenty to drink and even did the EFT tapping in the washroom. I guess I loosened up, don't know if it was the EFT or the copious amounts of alcohol. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (or later today I guess) if all those people think I'm a CREEAPY WERIDO FREAK or a cool guy.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

That's great. I'm really impressed. I should make a list for myself, only it would be more along the lines of... get the courage to pick up the phone and make a phone call. Those girls should feel lucky


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Text from sister today:



> Lol that's good! You're not nautious? Everyone thought you were hilarious last night, you should party with us more.


Now that I actually got social approval my first instinct was to believe my sister's friends lied to her because I'm her brother. With some time to think and recap, I feel like I embarrassed myself, and that I did exactly what I want so hard to avoid, which is being perceived as "creepy."

Whatever, my goal is to stop being reactive to what others think of me. Pretty soon my sister is going to upload all the pics from the night to facebook. As part of my "stop being reactive to what others think" goal, I'm not going to untag a single one, even if the pictures are extremely embarrassing.

Also, a guy at work who also goes to my college invited me to join his intramural ball hockey team. It meets all the criteria I require to play a sport: a) The games aren't too often, b) the league isn't super serious or competitive, and c) the sport is known as "hockey". It's like karma is rewarding me for going out?


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

New goals for the week.

-Sign up for ball hockey... oh wait I already did, a guy from work invited me to his team.  Games are Tuesday/Wednesday. I'm going to have to bring my hockey stick to class on Tuesdays. That will help my anxiety in that class a bit. Potential conversation starter. 
-Join a club. It's club week and their booths are all over the main student center. I walked around and looked yesterday but I chickened out because it was extremely busy. 
-Contribute to my group discussion in my long class tonight. Answer prof questions during lecture.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

Wow I'm really impressed. Good for you.



saillias said:


> Whatever, my goal is to stop being reactive to what others think of me. Pretty soon my sister is going to upload all the pics from the night to facebook. As part of my "stop being reactive to what others think" goal, I'm not going to untag a single one, even if the pictures are extremely embarrassing.


That's a good goal.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Did you speak up in your class tonight? Are there any clubs that caught your eye? Yay for being part of the hockey ball thing. Or ball hockey. I bet that will help with anxiety a lot.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Thanks for the continued support everyone. It motivate me to continue updating.

I did EFT before I left for class. It definitely helped with my general anxiety. 

No, I didn't say anything, unfortunately. The long transit ride there and the 2 hours of lecture + group meeting before the actual class discussion sapped my energy. I'll need an energy drink or coffee next time. I met with my group for the first time though, and the 2 that actually showed up to class were nice, so that's good. 

No club scouting because of my schedule today (I only go to class at 4). Tbh most of the clubs that I've seen in the past are very uh... well, there's Pro-life club, ISRAEL IS APARTHEID Club, lots of stuff for raging hippies and the religious crowd, lots of ethnic oriented clubs, etc. The history club has never set up a booth in the past 2 years, and they don't even have a website, but maybe they got off their *** this time. 

Edit: I just went to the clubs listing page and surprise the troglodytes at history still don't have a website... hurf durf. There are a lot of new clubs on the list though. One of my more long-term goals is to learn how to dance, and there's 3 dance clubs, so maybe I'll join one. I'll try to talk to them at their booth tomorrow, and if not, definitely Friday. 

I got an e-mail from the counselling office saying I can schedule an appointment again. I'm excited to see what they can do for me.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Time to UPDAET! 

I went to a comedy club with my sister last night. They put us at the front and she warned me that the comics make fun of the people at the front but we were left alone and they were all hilarious. 

I had my player's meeting for my ball hockey team today... My team is cool, this is going to be awesome. Also I did something that believe it or not I haven't done in 2 years: I raised my hand and asked a question. 

I'm still contemplating sending one of the dance clubs an e-mail and joining up, but I think I'm going to be a little strapped for free time in between floor hockey, counseling, school work and my job.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

I raised my hand again in a class today. Tomorrow I have my first presentation, which is supposed to take 10-15 minutes. I think, after doing this I will be effectively cured of my classroom presentation SA.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

My goal threads always seem to be only me posting after the second page, but whatever. 

I have a huge update. I've raised my hand in class a couple times, said a few things to people beside me in class, and overall just feel a bit better being social at a very basic level. 

I had my presentation yesterday in my long class and I did a good job, I didn't die and I won't be dwelling on it as some horrible experience like my past presentations. My prof even sent me an e-mail praising me and saying "for someone who said he has anxiety you made a good presentation" etc. It's very surprising to receive an informal, congratulatory e-mail from a professor. It's hard not to feel a little good after that.

I had my first floor hockey game today, which made me realize I am in serious need of cardio. We lost. Still it was fun. 

I have my second counselling appointment tomorrow morning. There's a LONG waiting time in between appointments, not surprising in a school of 20,000 kids but still kinda lame.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

Sounds like you're doing really well. I should have done this when I was still in college...


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

It's probably time to update again.

On Thursday, I had my counseling appointment like I said. My counselor was really impressed with everything I did in the 2 weeks in between appointments. She said she thinks I am really interesting and she believes I will overcome social anxiety. I don't really feel as though I've done all that much, but her encouragement is helping me change my mindset. And I got 2 new exercises to do everyday to help reduce my anxiety.

I didn't do anything else in between Thursday and now directly relating to overcoming social anxiety, I don't count things I always do like going to work, or going to watch hockey games. 

However, the prof in the class where I did the presentation sent out a class e-mail saying to consider my presentation as a sort of model, and that everyone should do their presentations like I did. Wow, I'm really glad I chose to present early. 

The most exciting part of this update: Today I received an e-mail saying I was approved for the study abroad group in France. I'm going to be there for New Year's and my birthday. It's going to be amazing.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

That's awesome you were approved for the study abroad group. You're going to France! I'm sure it's going to be a birthday you never forget.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Hell yeah. The more I learn about it the better it gets, too.

I went to the information session they held about it yesterday, and basically it's one big vacation slash sight-seeing tour. Half the grade component isn't even done while over there; we write a quiz before leaving and write an assignment after coming back. The only course components actually graded while in France are 2 oral presentations, and a participation grade. Presentations and participation aren't a problem for me anymore.

As for the trip itself, we get a free day on New Year's, we spend a day at the Louvre, with 3 hours to wander around on our own (any nerd's dream who read the Da Vinci Code), and a full day at Paris of sight-seeing. Not to mention a few travel days where we go from Paris to Arles and back and will have nothing to do but check into our hotel rooms and then go find a bar or something. 

I'm going to buy a new camera and a huge memory card just for this.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I can't believe how comfortable you seem with presenting now. Doing that one presentation helped you get over the fear? 

Have you seen/met the people you're going to be going with? Well I guess you've seen them if you're going to all these meetings. Do they seem nice enough?

Hm... What kind of dance did you want to do?


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Monday update:

Today I went to a prof's office hours to try and get her to change my grade on an assignment I thought was marked too harshly. I was having an argument with myself about going at all, saying "Just forget about it, you didn't fail, it's only worth 10%." or "Just do it on Wednesday." I refused to let myself chicken out and went there. I got an extra .5 out of 10 for my efforts LOLLLL. I'm so glad I did it though.

This is going to sound lame but I also turned to someone sitting next to me in class and said something. I never do that.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Friday update: 

-I had my second ball hockey game Wednesday, and was less out of shape this time and the team is getting better too.

-Met with my counselor Thursday and got more activities to do. I now have to leave my comfort zone twice a day at school, which means talking to someone, or raising my hand. Gulp. (I completely forgot today) Plus some other things. 

-In the board right above this one there is finally a meetup being organized in my city.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

It's OOOOOOFFICIAL SAILLIAS UPDATE TIME

-The Roman Provence trip was canceled. ****! It's extremely disappointing but not the end of the world. I'm looking at going on a month long trip to China in May instead. It's about twice as expensive and in a subject I'm not nearly as interested in, so I'm on the fence about it. However there's nothing else interesting available, so it's this, or no study abroad at all... Unless I went on an individual student exchange, which means going alone for a full semester, taking classes and living on my own. That's pretty scary. I don't know if I'm ready for that. 

-I had my last shift at work. I did well on my end of season employee evaluation. One of the things my boss said was "I can tell you're naturally introverted, but I have no problem at all with how you deal with the public." I honestly expected to be chided for my shyness and quiet demeanor. That was good to hear. Too bad it's only a summer job. I now have one less social activity per week and I have to find something to replace it.

To be honest, nothing good has really happened . I haven't had the opportunity to do the whole leave my comfort zone twice a day thing because I've really only had 2 full days of class since last Thursday due to class cancellations, midterms, and holidays. I'm writing this mainly to give myself perspective and a kick in the *** to charge into next week.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Meh, you don't have to be perfect every day. As long as you try your best, that is good enough .


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Sorry the trip got cancelled but I hope you find a suitable alternative. And well done on all this leaving of your comfort zone! You're doing really well. Keep it up


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Thanks to the both of you for the support. I appreciate that you actually read this stuff, and for breaking my 3-post chain.

It's been 2 weeks since my last update. I've been sick for almost the whole 2 weeks. As a result I've missed a ton of class and overall spent a lot of time being in my room and not around people. Here's what I HAVE done:

-Went to hockey game with my sister last week Saturday. Had lots of fun and talked a lot, I'm getting more comfortable talking to her. 
-I met with the coordinator of the other program, and I'm doing it. I am studying abroad for a full month in May. I registered and everything, deposit is paid, and there's no way this one gets canceled, knock on wood. 
-I tried again to go to a social anxiety meetup 2 Fridays ago, which fell through. I tried to organize another one for last Friday but that didn't work either. I think that it's going to happen this week though.
-2 Tuesdays ago, I had to speak up in class again and comment on a group member's presentation. Then I talked a bit with my group members. 

My goals for this week: 
-Go to hockey. I've missed the past 2 games and I feel like a lousy teammate atm.
-Resume going to the gym, something I haven't talked about here, but I was doing it regularly before getting sick killed my fitness level. 
-Go to the doctor and hopefully diagnose this brutal cough.
-Go to every single class. Last week, I went to 4 classes the whole week. 

Extra: I take this time to congratulate myself for my work this semester, not just in social issues but in all aspects of my life. I'm keeping on top of my studying, assignments, etc. and enjoying what I'm learning. I held a job and actually didn't quit due to laziness, I lasted it out until it was over. I'm eating healthier than I used to and working on my fitness as well. I dress better than I used to. I procrastinate less on things and am more organized in general. I feel less stress and anxiety on a day to day basis. It's amazing how much more I can accomplish when I just take an extra couple hours a day that were being wasted on nothing activities.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Sounds like you're doing good at managing a pretty busy schedule. Good job on challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone  I think I'll stay in mine for a bit...it's just too comfortable and I don't wanna leave ;O heh


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## Alys (Oct 29, 2009)

saillias, you are an inspiration.


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## ZAFFAR (Jun 23, 2009)

saillias

Keep going man. you are doing really well.


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## jellybelly (May 10, 2009)

Well done on all your work. That's really great that you're definately doing the study abroad!


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

Thanks guys, anyway what have I done lately...? Lets see if I can remember everything.

-Played hockey again for the last game of season.
-Met up with SA meetup "group" a couple of fridays ago. 
-Went to doctor and got prescription for a drug called cipralex. Or ciraplex? I dunno. Been using it for a week and 3 days, so far nothing. 
-Re-established contact with some old friends. I may be hanging out with them soon.

I probably missed some stuff but it's been too long in between posts to remember everything I've done since


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## Girl_Loner (Mar 17, 2009)

*My goodness you are a MACHINE!* LOL
You are doing great, very proud of you even though I don't know you haha.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

This man is a machine ---> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/yay-i-dont-have-anymore-problems-73613/

Today's update:
-This week I sat down beside a girl in 2 of my classes, said hey, talked a bit. She also studied abroad in China and was very friendly.
-I messaged an old friend on facebook, said hi, she messaged me back a big reply with her life story, seemed happy I re-contacted her, so I said we should get coffee or lunch sometime (Not looking to date her, she's got a BF). She didn't respond. I'm not too concerned about this because she was always sort of a flake.
-Went to a small house party with my old group of friends that I fell out with 2 years ago last night.


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## ZAFFAR (Jun 23, 2009)

Keep it up Saillias. many small things make a huge difference in life. Great work.


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## saillias (Oct 5, 2008)

-Talked to a person in class, again, just small talk, but hey it helps knowing I can initiate convo with someone and they don't want me to go away. 
-Oddly, lots of people been initiating conversations with ME lately. Maybe the changes i've been making have just made me appear more approachable. in the past i would be too anxious and end the convo after a few words but they've been going fine.
-went to same guy's house gathering again on friday.
-had another SA meetup today, we saw a movie. it was fun.


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## stars (Nov 20, 2009)

that's awesome! well done :high5
even if it seems like a small thing it's a big step towards the right direction..


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

That's really cool you have been able to do all this. Sounds like you're getting a good amount of human interaction (or maybe I just get very little ). I would find it hard to connect with people I had lost touch with, so I'm impressed you tackled that. Keep it up saillias.


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## rrcc21 (Nov 2, 2009)

Good to keep going...maybe I should make some goals too. The problem is that I don't focus at them and get sidetracked.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

great to have these! I wanna have one of my own like these too. keep it up!


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## GhostT (Dec 11, 2009)

Hey saillias, I find it amazing to see how far you've come with your goals. It's very inspirational to see someone who is constantly pushing themselves to try to get passed the SA.


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