# I went to a party



## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

Actually, it was mostly lame.

But I went. That's something, right?

There were a few good moments in which I was talking to people and they acted like I was their equal instead of a crazy quiet guy who never talks. Friendly people are nice.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

Friendly people _are _nice! It's the unfriendly ones that make us nervous to jump into social situations I think. Of course, maybe those "unfriendlies" are me or you? Hmm. Regardless, kudos on the party going


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## Dipper (Jul 15, 2007)

I find that there are more friendly people than unfriendly people. It's just that we, as people with SA that don't get out much, are quick to misjudge people simply because it's harder for us to make friends or that some people don't understand our problem.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

Thank you for the support, Chef Hulk Hogan.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

So I've been forcing myself to go out with the same people whenever offered. I've hung out with them probably 6 or 7 times now, and.... it's really really difficult.  I am actually crying, which doesn't happen often.

Hanging out with two other people in an apartment and playing games was fine. They're kind of nerdy, too, so it's not intimidating, and I've been around them a few times now so I'm getting more comfortable.

Going out to bars was not fine. I was in a group of like 8 to 15 people who knew each other. The one place was a beer garden, completely ****ing surrounded by hundreds of people on all sides, shouting and trying to impress each other. I was surprised at how relaxed I was, but it was still really difficult. I just sat there listening to the people nearby and smiling so that people don't think I hate them (which is what they usually think when I don't talk). The one guy who I am closer friends with came over and talked to me, which was nice, but I didn't do any talking otherwise, and he can't be expected to sit with me the whole time. The other place was a lot more relaxed, but I still felt hyper self-conscious after I walked in.

I'm really intimidated by the things people do and the way they talk to each to each other. The only times I hung out with groups of people as a teenager were church events, so, although I'm not offended or anything, it's always a bit of a shock how uninhibited people are.

I ordered my own drinks twice, which was a very good step for me! I've only done that a few times in my life. The bartendress at one place was pretty flirty with me, which was nice.  She was pointing at me and wanted to take my order from several feet away, but I knew she wouldn't be able to hear me, and I didn't want to be overheard making an awkward order by everyone nearby, so I didn't even try. I just went up close to the bar and got her to come over closer.

People seem to clump together into small groups for talking to each other. Any time there were circles like this, I tended to be outside all the circles, ignored. I didn't even try to participate, since I didn't have anything to say anyway. I wish I knew people who had conversations about things I'm interested in. I'm not sure what those would even be, though. Walking around in the city, I noticed that the people tend to clump into linear groups of 3 or 4 in the same way, talking side-by-side, and I was similarly left out.

This and a few attempts at dates are the only social life I have anymore. Although I superficially did better than in the past, by going out and socializing, I felt zero connection to the other people, and I think it actually makes me _more_ lonely. If I don't have close friends because I'm incapable of hanging out with people, well ok, fine. But if I can't make friends even when I _am_ hanging out with people and socializing, what the hell am I going to do??


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## jigme911 (May 3, 2010)

plz last post was too much detail n rite now, i am not feeling well so it really bored me 
plz next time try to write it small, cuz u r wasting time


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Ya parties are good especially when your not so conscious of your anxiety!


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## SeekingHappiness (Dec 14, 2009)

QuackQuack said:


> So I've been forcing myself to go out with the same people whenever offered. I've hung out with them probably 6 or 7 times now, and.... it's really really difficult.  I am actually crying, which doesn't happen often.
> 
> Hanging out with two other people in an apartment and playing games was fine. They're kind of nerdy, too, so it's not intimidating, and I've been around them a few times now so I'm getting more comfortable.
> 
> ...


I also feel the same way, when in large groups and everyone is conversing with everyone I am always the one with nothing to say or add to the conversation, and after a while it just gets really awkward for me and everyone else, and the longer you wait to say something the worse it becomes.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

SeekingHappiness said:


> I also feel the same way, when in large groups and everyone is conversing with everyone I am always the one with nothing to say or add to the conversation, and after a while it just gets really awkward for me and everyone else, and the longer you wait to say something the worse it becomes.


Yeah, that's a good point. After a while of not participating, it feels like there's no way to start.


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

CandySays said:


> It's the unfriendly ones that make us nervous to jump into social situations I think.


I disagree. If a person has the capability of judging, he will cause me problems.


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## defoe (Jan 31, 2010)

well thats a good archievement...

if you want to stay in touch whith these nice people, id recommend you to go to the next party again


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## pilot84 (Jun 7, 2010)

That's cool  I want to go partying in Long Island right about now...


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## CrisRose (Jan 29, 2010)

pilot84 said:


> That's cool  I want to go partying in Long Island right about now...


haha why is that? :sus


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

jigme911 said:


> plz last post was too much detail n rite now, i am not feeling well so it really bored me
> plz next time try to write it small, cuz u r wasting time


I actually liked your long, detailed post. What do people talk about when they clump together? Do they talk to the same people the entire time?


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## pilot84 (Jun 7, 2010)

Because I'm drinking tea, wearing unisex boxers and watching youtube. I think even a Sunday night should be cooler haha  yet I kind of like it.


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## CrisRose (Jan 29, 2010)

pilot84 said:


> Because I'm drinking tea, wearing unisex boxers and watching youtube. I think even a Sunday night should be cooler haha  yet I kind of like it.


hehe sounds like fun to me! I thought you meant you wanted to go to a party on Long Island and I wasn't sure why anyone would wanna do that (I'm from Long Island also)


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## pilot84 (Jun 7, 2010)

I meant that too. Just think partying in Long Island would be more fun than my current arrangement. I lived in NYC for 5+ years and kind of wanted to visit there to get away from the city lol


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

That's funny, we visit NYC to get away from Long Island.


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## tennislover84 (May 14, 2010)

Damn, it seems you do the same thing that I do when I sometimes manage to go for a drink with a friend. :blank At first you're proud of yourself for facing your fears and going into a social situation. For a little while you feel on a bit of a high, like you're a "normal" person.

But then you start to go over it again in your mind and pick apart everything that you did wrong. Thinking about the times that you wanted to join in a conversation but didn't have the courage to speak up, and stuff like that.

You've gotta remember that you still did it, which is a success in itself. You went to the bar and ordered drinks, and I know how hard that can be, so think about the things that you did well.  You can work on the other stuff that you wish you did better later. Try not to let the negative thoughts take over so much that it turns everything bad, because going out and not being as confident as you wish is still better than not leaving the house.

Oh and Pastamania will live forever, brother!


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

tennislover84 said:


> But then you start to go over it again in your mind and pick apart everything that you did wrong. Thinking about the times that you wanted to join in a conversation but didn't have the courage to speak up, and stuff like that.


I was feeling that way already while doing it. :/



> You've gotta remember that you still did it, which is a success in itself.


Yeah, it's just like, I've finally overcome this big step, and then I get over it and realize there's a lot more big steps that I couldn't see before.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

I hope my company BBQ is rained on today so I don't need to hang out with people outside. :/ I'm not friends with anyone at work. Some people tried, but they've just given up on me.


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

Everyone at my workplace inwardly groans (hard enough that it's perceptible) when it's clear to them that they've failed to avoid an interaction with me. Sucks to be a bore.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

james25 said:


> Everyone at my workplace inwardly groans (hard enough that it's perceptible) when it's clear to them that they've failed to avoid an interaction with me. Sucks to be a bore.




I don't think they're annoyed to interact with me, but they avoid it because I'm so awkward.

So, this guy that I've been trying to be friends with, who has been throwing these parties and stuff. I like a girl who also likes me, but we haven't met, and now he's started talking to her and trying to date her.  In a sense, that's ok, because we're not in love or anything, and I had plenty of time to make a move, but in a sense it's weird, partially because I was avoiding pursuing her because I knew he liked her. Then he wants the three of us to hang out tonight. This whole situation makes me very uncomfortable and I've cut off all forms of contact and am just sitting in my apartment alone.

When faced with situations I'm not familiar with, I don't get mad or anything, I just retreat, because I don't know how else to act. Yet other people have much more dramatic situations every time they socialize every weekend, running into their exes or cheating on each other with their best friends or whatever. Gah. Social interaction is really difficult.

Like I said, you finally clamber over the top of one step, and think for a few seconds that you've accomplished something, until you realize there are many more equally high steps after it that you couldn't see before.


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

Wow, that sounds like it would be super awkward for anyone. I have no idea what I'd do in that situation, either. To be honest, I'd probably go along and try to get to know the girl a little better (without being a dick about it) so that, if things don't work out between her and your friend, you'll know her. That may be very sleazy, though. But if she likes you and your friend likes you, hanging out with them both seems like a great way to get better at socializing.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Nice job! :boogie :boogie:boogie


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