# Are crappy friends better than no friends?



## Heiditort (Aug 5, 2013)

When I was a kid, I was super outgoing and had tons of friends. I don't know what happened, but I gradually became more introverted and feel super anxious when meeting new people, not exactly helpful for making friends. Right now I've moved away from the town where I went to college and so have lost touch with most of my friends. I've tried texting and calling them to catch up but the gesture is never reciprocated. We'll say 'you should come visit soon' and bla bla bla but then it never happens. I recently texted a friend about a beach weekend we had talked about and she asked when and what beach. After I answered her, she never responded. It's been a week. 

The only friend I have in town is a girl I met at work. She's fun to hang out with and I use to consider us pretty close friends. And then I noticed that she'll call me when she needs something or wants to talk but if I need someone to listen she doesn't respond half the time. It also sometimes seems like I'm a 'second choice' friend, someone she asks to hang out when other friends are busy. I feel almost submissive in the friendship sometimes and I hate it. She's the girl that has to be the center of attention that everyone loves to be around. If i suggest a bunch of us get drinks after work, no one really decides until she says she's going. Once she's going, everyone jumps right in. It drives me nuts. I think she probably sense that i dont have a lot of friends which of course gives her all the power and makes me seem needy. But then i think, how can I complain? I don't have a lot of options for people to hang out with. And sometimes she is there for me and I do need someone to go out with rather than sit at home. But is it worth the times she blows me off or ignores my texts? What makes it harder is im going through a divorce right now and reallyneed a friend to talk to. Should I live with it cause I have no other options or just be friendless? 

Sorry for the long post. I feel so lonely and lame right now.


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## littlemissbashful (Jul 29, 2013)

No!!! ***** friends drag you down and make you feel worthless trust me on that! I had a friend who did nothing but make fun of me made me feel like dirt, copied off of me, made me cry when I told her about my anxiety, One day I had enough!!!! I said to myself this it why am I doing this to myself? She is doing nothing but dragging me down and making me miserable! I cut her out of my life 3 years ago and here am I now! My therapist said I did a wonderful thing and she is very,very proud of me and one day I actually thought about backtracking and giving her a call because I was so lonely and had no friends but you know what forget that! I would rather be lonely than be miserable and the same goes for you! No one deserves to be miserable! You can be your best friend! No one needs toxic people!


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## twistedlogic89 (Jul 13, 2013)

I know the feeling. It is maddening when a friendship is on THEIR terms only.

To answer your question, I would like to say that no, crappy friends are not better than no friends because they just make you feel worse. Feeling alone and being alone are very different. But at the same time, even a crappy friend is at least someone in your life that you probably have contact with sometimes. It's hard to say... but I feel for you and your situation.


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## littlemissbashful (Jul 29, 2013)

I guess I should add it's not nice she is doing that to you. I mean ultimately it is your decision of course but they aren't being very nice and she is taking advantage of you. A real friend would respond to your texts a real friend would be your first choice a real friend would listen to you especially since you are going through a divorce! I would ignore her for awhile and see how it feels and see if she comes crawling back and then tell her how you feel and if you do not feel comfortable you can text her or e-mail her explaining everything and if she doesn't get it then tell her peace out it's been real I do not need a friend like you.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

I once had a crappy friend _(i dont know if he was just the comedian type or a genuine a**hole but I'm sensitive) _who used to yell at the top of his lungs _"OPEN THE DOOR F***OT"_ when he's outside trying to get me to go out somewhere with him or come in.

Now I'm not gay but no one has ever seen me with a girl so I'm already self conscious about how I'm perceived by people..... and he blurts it out loud as hell, loud enough for the entire block to hear.....

ugh

One day out of the blue I decided to just stop answering his phonecalls......Haven't spoken to him in about 2 years

No friends are better


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## Letmebe (Dec 17, 2012)

No!
I had a group of those over the last year, they were not really my friends they were using me (and then another person did the same after them, since dealt with) all they did was make me hate myself more and feel MORE isolated and drive me to the brink.

No crappy friends are not better than no friends, if you are that desperate just get a cat; at least they won't treat you like garbage.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

No.


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## cloister2 (Sep 2, 2011)

No maybe you can make real friends.


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## Autumn26 (Aug 1, 2013)

littlemissbashful said:


> No!!! ***** friends drag you down and make you feel worthless trust me on that! No one needs toxic people!


Definitely with you on that one! If people who I consider my friends disappoint me, it really hurts and ends up making me feel depressed. On the other hand, just being by myself doesn't seem as bad compared to that. At least then, I'm not being deliberately hurt. I can hang out with myself!  ...Lonely, but at least not hurt o_o


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## Trigo (Aug 3, 2012)

I had a toxic (borderline personality disorder) friend yet I'd take her back in heartbeat because of how lonely I am right now. It's probably for the best that she completely ignores me now.


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## kaatherine (Jul 31, 2013)

No! I'm friendless at the moment because I chose to cut everyone toxic out of my life. It's lonely, but it does beat the alternative. 

Being the second-choice friend, having abusive friends... It all sucks, and you won't get what you really need to out of a friendship (connection) because they're not real friendships. You'll meet better friends eventually. Don't give up.


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## chickenfett (Jun 2, 2011)

"Crappy friends" aren't really friends.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

No I downgraded all my crappy friends to just acquaintances that I might occasionally run in to at a gathering. I only keep in touch with those who actually care about my existence. I will initially reach out to people for a couple months, yet if they make me upset or disappointed more than happy they are cut. I have to trim the fat as it were, I learned this the hard way by having dozens of abusive friends who borrowed money and bullied me. I am my own man now and I don't need friends for the sake of having some, being with me is a privilege in my mind because my time is precious and if I'm wasting my time with them, I'm not doing the activities that actually make me happy with those who do matter.


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## Tomfoolery (Mar 31, 2012)

Nope. Having no friends is far better than unsupportive people that just tolerate your company rather then celebrate it.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

ive definatly had crappy friends like you describe. And a lot of times it would always have to be me making the first move to hang out or call...otherwise they never would.

Worse still, ive had friendships where we both used eachother. In other words, we were each others second choice, like if she had 2 social engagements she would ask if I could hang out in between so she wouldn't have to go all the way home and back out, lol, I was a filler for her. And she would always disguise it with 'I have something really important to tell you' but there never was.

Oh and one im actually ashamed of, I made friends with a girl who had mental problems (very severe ADD to be exact, who did not medicine for it)...and I guess I kind of used her just because there was no one else to hang out with...

Another girl I knew, after having a bad experience together (an experience including alcohol, puking and a hospital visit), even TOLD me she hated me but didn't want to be loner and kept hanging out with me. lol.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

No, I'd rather have no friends.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I'd rather have no friends over crappy friends any day.


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## Miss quiet (Jul 26, 2013)

Heiditort: I completely understand your situation. I am 26 and I have been dealing with these types of "friendship" situations since middle school. It sucks not having someone to do things with, not having someone to go out and have fun with you. Its only what they want to do, when they feel like doing it.
From my experience, the best advice I can offer is this: be your own person. Do what you want, when you want, even if you have to go it alone. Those types of friendships only reinforce feelings of being "less worthy". You're not less worthy of someone's time. You're not less interesting. You're not less fun. You're just different from them and if you can be willing to stand alone and honor yourself by making your own choices, you will meet new people, new friends


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

No they aren't.

A big problem i have is judging incorrectly/caring too much about my status in certain peoples lives.

Like if i am not the most important thing, i am nothing.

Which is irrational


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

Miss quiet said:


> Heiditort: I completely understand your situation. I am 26 and I have been dealing with these types of "friendship" situations since middle school. It sucks not having someone to do things with, not having someone to go out and have fun with you. Its only what they want to do, when they feel like doing it.
> From my experience, the best advice I can offer is this: be your own person. Do what you want, when you want, even if you have to go it alone. Those types of friendships only reinforce feelings of being "less worthy". You're not less worthy of someone's time. You're not less interesting. You're not less fun. You're just different from them and if you can be willing to stand alone and honor yourself by making your own choices, you will meet new people, new friends


+1


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## Valtron (Jul 6, 2013)

What's the point? You're just lying to yourself.


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