# The aftermath of cutting a friend out



## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Over the years I want to say I've read threads on here about people cutting friends out/de-friending on social media, etc.... or at least the desire too.

So I did cut one friend out. Haven't spoken to him in over a year. Long story short I ultimately just came to think he wasn't the best influence on me over the years and especially now. I wish him well in his endeavors and don't dislike him... I just aren't feeling it anymore I guess?

It can be hard though as he was sort of in my "friendship comfort zone" if that makes sense. I still struggle with wanting to get back into touch with him but I know it's kind of a dead end. At least for now.

Is anyone else going through this or something similar?


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## sersesat (Apr 28, 2011)

I have at least gone through that in the past with cycles of cutting contact and talking again. Right now I'm more of in a state of not caring. I guess I still do humor the thought of getting back in contact once in a while, when I feel particularly lonely. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be so bad if I reply, but I don't really think about it too much.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I do have a friend who is sort of to me a "friendship comfort zone" in a sense. And she definitely isn't a good influence of a person due to her drug use and her wide array of mental issues. Although I am probably nowhere to be in a close enough friendship with her for her bad influences to really matter to me. Her bad influences I could see it taking an effect on people who she is actually close friends or close relationships with. I am not one of these people to her nor she is to me. Probably better if we kept it that way mutually. But I am aware if we do keep it this way, the friendship would definitely fizzle away eventually.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Blue Dino said:


> I do have a friend who is sort of to me a "friendship comfort zone" in a sense. And she definitely isn't a good influence of a person due to her drug use and her wide array of mental issues. Although I am probably nowhere to be in a close enough friendship with her for her bad influences to really matter to me. Her bad influences I could see it taking an effect on people who she is actually close friends or close relationships with. I am not one of these people to her nor she is to me. Probably better if we kept it that way mutually. But I am aware if we do keep it this way, the friendship would definitely fizzle away eventually.


Since you mentioned this was a friendship comfort zone as well were you the one who initiated the contact most of the time? For me that was the case. Plus I noticed I wasn't being myself around this person to some extent and felt the added pressures of taking on his problems as my own.

Is that all familiar to you?


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Dan the man said:


> Since you mentioned this was a friendship comfort zone as well were you the one who initiated the contact most of the time? For me that was the case. Plus I noticed I wasn't being myself around this person to some extent and felt the added pressures of taking on his problems as my own.
> 
> Is that all familiar to you?


No usually she initiates contact. Because whenever I do, she rarely responds. It's like a "you don't find me, I find you" kind of thing. Like a mafia boss. If you're always trying to take his problems as yours, that's probably not a healthy relationship. Whether he's making you take on his problems, or you trying to do so. In most cases, all a friend can do is listen and give them an ear, and that's about it. I have a family member like that who whenever she has problems, she makes sure the entire family will have to share her burden equally or more than her. That has been a very toxic and miserable dynamic for us.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

I’ve had a couple of friends that I’ve had to end contact with, it was just toxic in the end and I think that I had them around knowing that they were bad for me because they were my only connections. It hurt a lot and I always think about them, but I really just want good people in my life that want me in their life too


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

Yea I’ve cut contact with all my friends and family for years now. I’ve never had the urge to contact them again though. They generally try multiple times to contact me but eventually give up and leave me alone.


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## Dan the man (Jul 4, 2013)

Blue Dino said:


> No usually she initiates contact. Because whenever I do, she rarely responds. It's like a "you don't find me, I find you" kind of thing. Like a mafia boss. If you're always trying to take his problems as yours, that's probably not a healthy relationship. Whether he's making you take on his problems, or you trying to do so. In most cases, all a friend can do is listen and give them an ear, and that's about it. I have a family member like that who whenever she has problems, she makes sure the entire family will have to share her burden equally or more than her. That has been a very toxic and miserable dynamic for us.


Yeah I used to initiate it more often than not with this person because that was kind of all I had. It's my fault as well. 

My main problem was his train of thought became my own... making me something I wasn't. Kind of my thing with starting the thread if there were other people who went through this but had to be strong enough to let it go.

Good luck with this "friend".


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## Steelfox (Nov 10, 2003)

About 15 years ago I cut contact with all my friends. I wasn't very close to any of them so for me it was pretty easy. It did feel pretty bad after a year and I realized none of them ever tried to contact me to see why I stopped being around. That's when I realized they were never really my friends.


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

Recently I have cut two people. They both have crossed boundaries. Sometimes I have had a bit of panic thinking " I haven't got anyone" when in reality I didn't have anyone anyway; it's just now it is official. They are blocked/ deleted etc.


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## Karoshka7 (Jun 20, 2021)

Dan the man said:


> Over the years I want to say I've read threads on here about people cutting friends out/de-friending on social media, etc.... or at least the desire too.
> 
> So I did cut one friend out. Haven't spoken to him in over a year. Long story short I ultimately just came to think he wasn't the best influence on me over the years and especially now. I wish him well in his endeavors and don't dislike him... I just aren't feeling it anymore I guess?
> 
> ...


Man, I had to cut out pretty much my ONLY girl friend a year ago..but it was cuz she decided to talk **** about me to my sister..ugh. It sux not having anyone close like that now but yunno what, I remind myself how she made me feel pretty ****ty like that over and over for years. you think you know someone, right? If you feel deep down that person wasn't the best person to keep as a friend then screw it...but the aftermath still sux plenty of times. Loneliness is a beotch


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