# Beautiful Women have a Harder Time Dating in Sociey



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I feel very alienated. I feel like society is causing me to become a complete b**** out of my own free will and my soul and my heart are blackening to become more bitter and jaded by the day because of the way which other people and women in particular treat you. This is what is expected of attractive people, to be uncaring of others with a complete disregard for whose feet they step on so they are treated as such. 

They will stare at you but when you try to be courteous or say hi to them, they will give you a onceover and either completely ignore you or keep their exchanges short and court. And it's a bittersweet feeling because on the one hand you feel empowered like you can rise above that bull**** and the other hand you lack that connection of human interaction. There is this one girl at my work who recently quit and I barely knew her but when she came back to visit she was referring to me as the pretty one and she had asked my friend about me but when we came face to face, she barely looked at me or acknowledged me. And my supposed friends end up being complete b****es to me when they're not feeling so great about themselves, and it's the pretty ones who are not used to having their attention stolen who are the worst. They will try to degrade you and say mean and hateful things to you, which I try not to let affect me but I'm not at that age yet where I can easily blow things off.

When your looks are the most memorable thing about you and people don't take a minute to go further or get to know you, it causes a wealth of psychological issues. I have extreme anxiety, paranoia, disillusion, depression. I can barely look at myself in the mirror because I am so obsessive about every flaw and the mental strain which is put on you but people only focusing on your appearance. There are some days where I feel so incredibly lonely, even if there are hundreds of people around me, this feeling is one of the most palpable feelings in the world. One of my friends literally tells me to not stand so close to her and I'm having trouble creating bonds that are meaningful and beyond surface level because most people don't take the time to get to know me.Married men will also keep their exchange short with you because for the mere purpose that they are looking you in the eye they feel like they are being tempted and God forbid they should look a single woman in the eyes.

You will get stares, and you will get compliments but I've hear this being said by a beautiful woman herself "I couldn't pay to get a boyfriend."

Yet people all day are interested in your love life expecting you to have extravagant tales of courtship and telling you things like, "yeah you must have no problem getting men," and blowing off all your complaints as being too picky yet in reality only 3 guys have asked you out in the last 6 months. There is some disconnect there between expectations and reality and people not having a clue what it is like to be an 'intimidating' woman. Not your average pretty girl, and intimidating woman who walks into a room and commands attention yet face to face with a man has him quivering in fear.

I feel like men feel less threatened by the average woman in society and 9 times out of 10 you will see an average women happily settled into her lifestyle. That beautiful women are a threat to their dominance and most of them will not take initiative to ask you out for fear of hurting their ego out of rejection and the experienced ones who know of their insecurities will use them as sexual exploits but in the long run, more attractive women are seen as the wild card and won't make for a stable wife at home. Yet if men knew how insecure we were, how vulnerable and lonely and fragile we oftentimes end of feeling they would take advantage of that.

I am having trouble forming relationships and friendships with men and women and I don't think other people that are not in the same situation can fathom how hard it is to get to know people on a more than surface level because of the misconceptions or preconceived notions which others females, even gay guys, straight men, have about you.' There's this gay guy at work who's called me a model and who I've caught staring at me on more than one occasion yet will barely look me in the eyes when I'm trying to have a conversation with him.

This feeling, this mental state, is not a good one. /rant


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I can acknowledge that it's difficult for more physically attractive women to make friends, very difficult potentially, and even with other women who often are jealous. And of course most men will only want to date you/**** you so few opportunities for real friendships there if every guy you meet finds you attractive.

But not for having relationships, not than less attractive women. There is extensive research and just common sense that flies in the face of your thread title.

Physically attractive people will always have an easier time dating all else being equal. That's just how it is. 

You get asked out by 3 guys in six months (and just imagine how many guys would ask you out if they weren't intimidated by you,) some people get asked out by 3 people in six years. Or never.

But you're obviously trolling, so carry on.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

this certainly looks like a lot of words


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I can acknowledge that it's difficult for more physically attractive women to make friends, very difficult potentially, and even with other women who often are jealous. And of course most men will only want to date you/**** you so few opportunities for real friendships there if every guy you meet finds you attractive.
> 
> But not for having relationships, not than less attractive women. There is extensive research and just common sense that flies in the face of your thread title.


I believe that most meaningful relationships start with friendship, so I can see how it would be hard for someone to date if they have a hard time befriending men, and even if they have a hard time befriending women because those female friends would introduce them to great guys. I don't know how it would all play out, but probably an average looking, outgoing woman would have an easier time dating than a shy beautiful one.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Mrs Salvatore said:


> I believe that most meaningful relationships start with friendship, so I can see how it would be hard for someone to date if they have a hard time befriending men, and even if they have a hard time befriending women because those female friends would introduce them to great guys. I don't know how it would all play out, but probably an average looking, outgoing woman would have an easier time dating than a shy beautiful one.


I did say all else being equal. The bubbly, friendly, more physically attractive woman will get more guys than the average looking bubbly/outgoing woman. As long as the guy perceives the woman to be approachable and doesn't have too big an inferiority complex you're good to go.

Regardless Calichick's problem is not that she's too good looking. If you read through some of her past posts you'd get the idea.

There was one time, I won't actually quote but that she said something along the lines of 'that fear in a man's eye when he knows he can't have you, that's what we should be aiming for'

That is your problem @calichick


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

So, basically you are upset for being too attractive? I was born a skeptic, so you'd have to prove it. 

I doubt beautiful women have a harder time dating if they make themselves available. They may only have a harder time if they are really picky and deem the great majority of guys unworthy of dating them.


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## Charmeleon (Aug 5, 2010)

Too long, didn't read. Thanks for sharing though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

o.o 

I'm sorry you have dealt with this personally. However, I disagree with what your trying to convey. Beautiful and attractive people have it much easier. They have an easier time in the career place and making friends. In highschool, I always noticed the more attractive girls were popular and had more friends than anyone else.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

In a way, I can relate. Basically, if you have anxiety and depression, you're ****ed no matter how good you look.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Are the politics of female friendship specifically harder for hot girls? Perhaps, because of the feelings of insecurity that you generate in other females. But I wouldn't be so sure about it. While working at the office some time ago, I witnessed that a bunch of girls were two-faced and dissed each other for the smallest of reasons: lack of hygiene, not plucking their eyebrows right, not saying "hi" often enough because she's too good for us, cockiness, dressing slightly provocatively compared to the others in the office... anything that makes you stick out can be used as an excuse to slam you.

Perhaps it's just the SA/neuroticism talking and making you feel like people are treating you worse in comparison to your standard female. Or perhaps you are a cold person, and people return the favor.

When it comes to guys, I'll give ya my point of view. You're picky and you know it; and you're not wrong for doing so. Why would a near-virgin dime not deserve the commitment of a 10? Your pool of suitors is small, but on the flip side you know you can have your pick of the most attractive guys. Average women don't get the hot rich guy. They settle for some Bob or Joe who's got a small gut, is kinda friendly, helpful around the house, and pays bills - which is better than nothing but meh.

You, on the other hand, have a shot with Christian Grey. Or maybe just some good looking charismatic chap with career prospects. Keep your chin up, be a kind person, don't act arrogant, and most of all keep squatting.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

I always get the impression that @calichick is a basement dwelling cock in a frock.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

^^ Well, that's nice.

@calichick I'm not sure I can agree entirely with your premise, since I swim at the opposite end of the gene pool, but I believe these are legitimate problems, and you have my sympathy. If it wasn't possible to have too much of a good thing, there'd be no sweet spot.

You may have to exert some effort to reassure others that you're not a threat, just as I and others must exert some effort to get others to take notice.

If you want people to treat you on a more than superficial level, you'll probably have to be a little more forthcoming about what makes you more than superficial.

If you want someone to love you, love them first. The best way to stay single for the rest of your life is to wait for someone to fall in love with you.


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## daniels2000 (Aug 24, 2014)

i wish I could relate lol


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

truant said:


> If you want people to treat you on a more than superficial level, you'll probably have to be a little more forthcoming about what makes you more than superficial.


Yup.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

If you're hot, people will have higher expectations of you as a person. BUt yea other than that, being hot helps a lot. It is much easier to get dates as a hot chick. Let's be honest. Getting asked out 3 times in 6 months is great for a SA person. That number would x10 if you were outgoing/friendly (I'm assuming you're not because you're on this site). I'd chop my penis off and put it in a blender if it meant I could live life as a hot chick.

As for making friends, being hot helps too. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't like being friends with people who aren't attractive, because I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with uglies. Call me superficial. I don't care. Maybe there are those one or two people who hate you because you're hot, but the average person is drawn to objectively attractive people (even if they aren't attracted to you).

Don't beleive me? Let's trade bodies. I'll be a hot girl and you'll be a demented mama's boy.

BUt at the end of the day, we both have SA and therefore no future.


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

@Persephone The Dread I've also read some of her posts. I can't tell if she's a troll or just insanely full of herself. Anyways the relationships being harder for beautiful people thing is pretty far fetched. If you know about genetics, you know beautiful peoples genes literally make it easier to form relationships, so they can pass those good genes onto the offspring.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

As a pretty average guy, the women that know they are hot are the worst risks for guys like me to take, they want everything you have and then the second someone else gives them any attention they drop you. Most people with SA have a hard time even taking the risk, but the feeling that they will treat you like crap makes it even less likely to take place.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Cmasch said:


> *I've also read some of her posts. I can't tell if she's a troll or just insanely full of herself. *


If there was a female version of PUA - calichick would be it's founding member. :b


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Paper Samurai said:


> If there was a female version of PUA - calichick would be it's founding member. :b


Exactly, she's downright bragged about ditching a dozen guys a week - and wonders why few are willing to crawl into the spider's web?


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I don't let anyone make be someone I'm not. I don't give a damn if someone is rude to me. I'm not a rude person so I'm not going to deal with it by trying to offend rude people in return. lol so many people love to argue and even physically hurt someone when they get offended. Calm the **** down. Not everyone is going to be your friend.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

knightofdespair said:


> Exactly, she's downright bragged about ditching a dozen guys a week - and wonders why few are willing to crawl into the spider's web?


It could be a lot of different things to be honest. She mentions that some people struggle to make eye contact with her - so she could be giving off a really intense vibe. (etc.)

Whether she's trolling or not btw - I'm usually entertained by her posts lol :b - so please don't stop OP.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Paper Samurai said:


> It could be a lot of different things to be honest. She mentions that some people struggle to make eye contact with her - so she could be giving off a really intense vibe. (etc.)
> 
> Whether she's trolling or not btw - I'm usually entertained by her posts lol :b - so please don't stop OP.


Well lets take her at face value.. If she really is that gorgeous then I'd certainly look but lets face it, in 95% of situations I'm probably not going to do much because I either don't want to blow it or I feel intimidated or I feel like she's going to take advantage of me. She might be the best person I would ever meet, but thats 3 steps along in a process that makes it hard to get through step 1 and 2 for most guys especially with SA.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

Most hot chicks think they deserve to be treated like a princess because they're hot. They can't stand the thought of us lowly, peasant, perverted men even fathoming to speak to them. So many have treated me like **** in my life, so now I just return the favour.

I even heard one proclaim to her friends: "Everyone calls me a *****. Well, I AM a ***** and I'm proud of it." Always hated her after that.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Hmm. Fairly easy to become less attractive no?

I have managed quite well over the years personally what with all the self made botched haircuts, bad clothes and overeating 

OP do you wear makeup and take care of your appearance?


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

I don't think your problems are due to your appearance. As others have pointed out, your attitude is what needs an overhaul. /constructive criticism


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

It sounds like you understand the issue pretty well. You're just feeling bad about it. Even though I'm sure you know it's your SA that's the root of the majority of these problems. Yes, even if you had no SA at all you would still have some problems with dating.



> I feel like men feel less threatened by the average woman in society and 9 times out of 10 you will see an average women happily settled into her lifestyle. That beautiful women are a threat to their dominance and most of them will not take initiative to ask you out for fear of hurting their ego out of rejection and the experienced ones who know of their insecurities will use them as sexual exploits but in the long run, more attractive women are seen as the wild card and won't make for a stable wife at home.


Being beautiful doesn't make up for engaging socially and sharing your personality. You can be hot as hell and people can stare everywhere you go, but very few will be brave or pushy enough to initiate anything with you. And that's the problem because having SA will make you seem off putting.

So I don't like when people here are like "if i was hot all my problems would be solved!" Like shut up, no they won't be, you will just be a walking mannequin.

I'm sure people are hating on OP a lot but this is a real issue and there was a lot of thought and emotion poured into writing it. I'm at least glad there's not a lot of hateful stuff being said here.


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

East said:


> this certainly looks like a lot of words


haha owned

*puts cigarette out on this threads tombstone and rollerblades away*


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## Barentin (Apr 1, 2015)

maybe it's because they're dumb


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## Drusiya (Feb 21, 2015)

calichick said:


> There is this one girl at my work who recently quit and I barely knew her but when she came back to visit she was *referring to me as the pretty one* and she had asked my friend about me but when *we came face to face, she barely looked at me or acknowledged me*. [...........] I can barely look at myself in the mirror because I am* so obsessive about every flaw* and the mental strain which is put on you but people only focusing on your appearance*. One of my friends literally tells me to not stand so close to her* and I'm having trouble creating bonds that are meaningful and beyond surface level because most* people don't take the time to get to know me*.


About a month ago, one of my colleagues discussed a situation similar to your problems. But he is at the opposite extreme. He's one of those sarcastic-know-it-alls that loves talking about workplace issues, such as physical and facial discrimination.

He stated, "Beautiful people have a whiff of arrogance...an arrogance so overwhelming that it almost makes them uglier than the most ugliest of ugly people."

Did I agree with what he said? Yes/No/Maybe/Whatever. I have one of those books in my cabinet that has a title, "Beauty fades but DUMB is forever." That's the only retort that I could tell my colleague.

Is it that important for you to have reassurance from them to recognize you unconditionally and wholeheartedly? You almost make it sound like your 'beauty' is such a repulsive weakness that it's unbearable to the people around you, so then they don't want to communicate with you. Maybe you're giving off that kind of vibe where they won't let you into their lives or be 'kind' to you.

If that's the case, oh well. People either like you or not. No big loss. Seek out people who are similar to you...if that's at all possible.

I know my comment may read quite condescending. However, I've learned from personal experience that whether you're a beautiful person or you're ugly as f**k (like me), people will NEVER be satisfied with who you are. And while it may sound difficult to shrug it off and say "F**k them"...well, that's what I usually do. :b


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

knightofdespair said:


> Well lets take her at face value.. If she really is that gorgeous then I'd certainly look but lets face it, in 95% of situations I'm probably not going to do much because I either don't want to blow it or I feel intimidated or I feel like she's going to take advantage of me. She might be the best person I would ever meet, but thats 3 steps along in a process that makes it hard to get through step 1 and 2 for most guys especially with SA.


Not sure if I'd actually want to meet OP in real life tbh - but as a tall pale dude, I doubt she would care too much lol ...


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Paper Samurai said:


> Not sure if I'd actually want to meet OP in real life tbh - but as a tall pale dude, I doubt she would care too much lol ...


Nothing wrong with tall and pale haha.. I'm tall and pale myself but mostly because my state forces us all to work 8-5 5 days a week during the best hours for getting some sunshine. The thing about beauty is that it will fade.. Some of the hottest women in their 20s are total trolls by 40, and some look not amazing but good, and look even better at 60. I think whatsername nailed it up above there - most super hot women are not really seen as a good risk for a long term spouse. They will get attention everywhere they go whether they want it or not, and after all those years and coworkers and drunk guys and hell even maybe just plain better dudes the chances of keeping things stable is not that great.


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## Fetchbarbie (Apr 12, 2014)

calichick said:


> When your looks are the most memorable thing about you and people don't take a minute to go further or get to know you, it causes a wealth of psychological issues.


my life. but i make it hard for people to get to know me. i give off that "dont talk to me vibe" when all i want is to be talked to. i dont want to intimidate anyone but i feel as if i do...


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Sorry; disappeared for a little bit, Internet anxiety.

I'm gonna f***ing kill myself


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Note to self: do not browse Facebook while single and fragile

Note to self: why the f*** am I still single again?

Oh right, because I'm shy as f***/people are intimidated by me. These two things do not the perfect combo make. Because I see people who are "socially" less desireable happy and paired up and I'm like well f***. Well f*** it what does a girl have to do around here to get a man to 'man' up? On the verge of going to bar solo/diving off the deep edge and trying online dating again.

I am incredibly, incredibly depressed. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of being single and people assuming I'm getting laid by a different guy every night. My anxiety is shooting through the roof I'm a f***ing bipolar mess.

Met a new guy at work (no romantic, just friend), he's saying things like "Men just want to get with you so they can brag about it to their friends later" and other things like discussing another girl's dating online profile, "oh why don't we just put her [my] pic on it" I'm sure that'll attract more attention, and when guys honking at me along the street, he's adding flame to fire.

I really...I just can't...should it be this hard to get a man? I'm shaking my head is about to explode, my friend, my 'friend' has started to shun me, can't even pay attention to people my age partying it up at Coachella and 'Festival season'. Ugh. What I wouldn't do for an introverted guy who understands me.

#iwanttomove


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

calichick said:


> Well f*** it what does a girl have to do around here to get a man to 'man' up?


Why do you have to wait for a guy to ask you out? If there's a guy you like the look of and seems nice, try and find a way to start a conversation with him - and ask him if he wants to get a coffee or something.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

It's not hard unless you suffer metal illnesses.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

don said:


> Why do you have to wait for a guy to ask you out? If there's a guy you like the look of and seems nice, try and find a way to start a conversation with him - and ask him if he wants to get a coffee or something.


I talk to men (ones that I am not deathly afraid of that is) and a lot of them are intimidated by me.

I don't think any of you quite comprehend what this phrase means.

It means only months, years later you will uncover what the man was actually feeling about you. In fact, you might even feel like they strongly dislike you because they act so standoffish when in reality this is a defense mechanism to protect against their own ego and story of my life!

It means they might secretly like you (some not so discreetly) it means they do a hundred and one things but express their true feelings about you.

It means you feel unattractive and unwanted and like leftover dogmeat (basically how I've felt my entire life) until some random chance occurrence of some blatant guy shocks you back to life which I am forever indebted to them for for reasons not so meaningful.

The 'intimidating' woman, so highly misunderstood..



> In fact&#8230; she's been single for a while now.
> 
> And not for a lack of trying, mind you. She's done it all; dating sites, meeting guys at cons, the comic store, chatting up friends from class and at work. And yet, Friday still remains the most lonely night of the week when she sees all of the happy, laughing couples making plans, having romantic dinners and enjoying all the sex while she's at home with Fringe on the DVR and a bottle of Malbec breathing in the kitchen.
> 
> ...


_http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/04/intimidating-woman/all/1/_


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

calichick said:


> I talk to men (ones that I am not deathly afraid of that is) and a lot of them are intimidated by me.
> 
> *I don't think any of you quite comprehend what this phrase means.
> *


It's Ok - I'm a guy, and quite an old one, so I know exactly what it's like to be intimidated by a beautiful woman.

Good looking women can be scary - bloody scary. They don't bother me as much as they used to, but there's this one lady that I know (a little) who is well into her 40's and she still makes me nervous talking to her.

I was very, very lucky when I was younger, and even not so much younger. I was asked out a lot by girls I worked with etc. If not I would have gone out much less, if at all.

It doesn't matter if you know whether the guy likes you or not, whether you can tell etc - if _you_ like _him_, ask him out. Otherwise you might be in for an even longer wait.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

don said:


> It's Ok - I'm a guy, and quite an old one, so I know exactly what it's like to be intimidated by a beautiful woman.
> 
> Good looking women can be scary - bloody scary. They don't bother me as much as they used to, but there's this one lady that I know (a little) who is well into her 40's and she still makes me nervous talking to her.
> 
> ...


Yup I have read it. I have read the advice from other intimidating women that your only option if you don't want to be single and miserable your whole life is to make the first move.

Well- problem. There's a REASON why I'm on this anxiety website, it is immensely hard for me to open up around men who I like. So it's a crapshoot all around. Oh thank f*** when he makes the first move...plz don't make me do that.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Can I just take a minute and laugh at a dude for a minute though.

Man, men can act strange.

There's literally not a day in the week that goes by when I'm not having a chuckle over something a guy does. And some can be _really_ entertaining.

One dude at my work...Jesus of all mother and glory, the way he acts...I'm just laughing constantly. all this mating ritual stuff is extremely entertaining to me (aside from the fact that I'm dying a bit inside from being single), wonder if anyone feels the same way.

Men can act really, really dumb to put bluntly. I mean shucks.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

calichick said:


> Well- problem. There's a REASON why I'm on this anxiety website, *it is immensely hard for me to open up around men who I like. * So it's a crapshoot all around. Oh thank f*** when he makes the first move...plz don't make me do that.


Yeah, I think we're all like that - especially those of us on here. I even get nervous talking to this one particular lady after we've started talking - I used to be OK once I'd met them but with her the anxiety is still there ages later, it's terrible.

Not sure what else to tell you, except at least you know you're not alone.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

calichick said:


> I talk to men (ones that I am not deathly afraid of that is) and a lot of them are intimidated by me.
> 
> I don't think any of you quite comprehend what this phrase means.


On this site of all places I think more understand than anywhere else. Why would a beautiful woman intimidate us so much? Because we know they are probably judging us, because we know they could get pretty much anyone and we feel like anything we mess up will ruin our chances, and even if we put ourselves out there the chance of crushing and humiliating rejection is like 99%.. What are you doing that makes people feel reassured that you won't crush them to tiny bits in front of everyone?

If nothing else, it just hurts *more* to get rejected and humiliated by pretty women that you hoped something would work out with.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Male or female, pretty or ugly, you're going to have a hard time finding a partner if you have a boring and/or crappy personality.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> What are you doing that makes people feel reassured that you won't crush them to tiny bits?


What am I doing?

I entertain the possibility of being open and/or interested by attempting to make conversation with some, smiling at them, having positive body language when with them, trying to BUILD a foundation even if not for a relationship but for the sole purpose of friendship and still...

Nadda

And you can judge a straight woman and gay man's reaction to you likewise as it will be exact opposite in intention versus a straight male.

Anyways, there is this guy I like at work (who came to talk to me twice before..omigod), and I slipped up an opportunity with him in the hall today because he looked right at me and smiled and I was having an extremely intensive BDD episode this morning and gave him the cold shoulder...shame on me, bad girl.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

nubly said:


> Male or female, pretty or ugly, you're going to have a hard time finding a partner if you have a boring and/or crappy personality.


That is what I have been preaching since Day 1.

Beauty is IMMENSELY OVERRATED.

I don't understand why the guy next to me is STILL intimidated by me, I just don't. I was discussing it with my friend yesterday, and I'm like, ok so the dude had a little crush on me and I understand it can be hard to talk to someone when you find them so attractive but it's been THREE months. I'm old news- he realizes I pee and s*** and talk with my mouth full just like everyone else, I'm not that interesting, and I'm no saint and I'm not all that. Aka I'm just human.

I don't understand it. Even with guys who I find hot upon meeting after awhile, they won't *intimidate* (being the key word) me after some time has passed I'll just be more curious to find out more about them. (Anyone else feel the same way? Is it actually possible for a crush based solely on physical appearance to sustain itself for more than a few months? A few years? MEN are bat**** crazy if this is how it works for them- and I know it's true based on 3/4 of my interactions with them over the past years. I mean _come on_. What's sad is even guys to this day who I knew 2-3 years ago will be stalking me weekly on social media but are still . . . Intimidated. Urggggg)

Attraction with me is like a bee sting, it wears away after awhile and you're only left with a feeling.

It's just old news with me. I don't know how the whole process works with each and every one of you but after only being recognized on my looks for a handful of years it's a TIRED subject...if the guy is dull or bland or lacks sense of humor in any way, he'd basically be a gay man to me - not-worthwhile in other words. They need to have charisma..


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

You guys do actually not know how:

1. Deluded
2. Paranoid
3. Mind*****ed

I'm becoming. From being treated accordingly and in a daze and misled over true intentions.

And up until a certain age I was quite convinced that I could be one of the ugliest people in the entire world on top of that add some various medications and I would have been content being single my entire life because I felt unworthy and undeserving of love (I guess many of us have this problem here) and whenever I found out a guy would like me I attributed to him, having some sort of singular fetish or him having low standards and growing up very insecure and still very insecure to this day.

But only in these past few months have I realized that I am actually worth something. That I am capable of loving and being loved and the power I have to rectify all my fears and overcome my love shyness gradually.

It's so damn strange. like I wake up and think, why is this happening to me? It's so weird. I'm discovering the power I have and I'm only regretful that it took me a quarter of a lifetime to realize it. Ugh. (And yes I do realize that I've come across as quite the narcissist on these boards in particular over the past few years but a lot of it was inner fluff, I didn't really believe it. Truly believe it)


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

calichick said:


> (*And yes I do realize that I've come across as quite the narcissist on these boards in particular over the past few years but a lot of it was inner fluff, I didn't really believe it.* Truly believe it)


I think quite a few of us could see that it was a symptom of something deeper with you, plus it was actually quite entertaining at times. 

I remember all of a sudden a while ago your posts seemed to change - there was a very noticeable difference, almost like your medication had started to work or you had a sudden moment of realization or something. (no offence there, I tend to think in terms of medication quite a lot)

Is it possible for you to try and talk to that guy you saw in the hallway again tomorrow? I know you'd be nervous but it's worth a shot.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

don said:


> I think quite a few of us could see that it was a symptom of something deeper with you, plus it was actually quite entertaining at times.
> 
> I remember all of a sudden a while ago your posts seemed to change - there was a very noticeable difference, almost like your medication had started to work or you had a sudden moment of realization or something. (no offence there, I tend to think in terms of medication quite a lot)
> 
> Is it possible for you to try and talk to that guy you saw in the hallway again tomorrow? I know you'd be nervous but it's worth a shot.


Rofl, I am not referring to any medication that you are thinking of.

I am talking about the Pill. I've been on the pill for 6 years and you (women) don't realize what's normal anymore when they are on it for that long. Rewiring your hormones changes your path in life. It changes your body chemistry, it changes your brain, it loosens some screws, everything down to your scent and how men are attracted to you. You become someone that you weren't not meant to become. If I am scaring anyone on the Pill....just..It changed my life. Possibly altered the course of where it was heading.

And I don't think my posting style has changed at all, in fact I think I was a lot nicer back when. I'm still argumentative, I still am quite arrogant.

The noticeable difference you are referring to dear sir, is being threatened to get permanently banned . Hehehe. So maybe I am still a big b**** underneath and would still have flame wars on random heated debates but I am on two strikes. Lol I think a little sass is enduring after all.

I'm gonna say hi to him if I see him tomorrow. Give him a big big smile.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Give him a big come hither smile I am ready for you to take me.

Oh my god, tame yourself woman.

One result of being unapproachable is you're super horny all the time.

He was talking to me the other day and I was just looking at his arms and his nails and his fingers, all perfect but not too perfect and thinking, _wow_...what I'd let a guy do...

:blush

He's not that tall either which is a new thing for me :/.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

From what I observe, hot girls are always being asked out by guys, yes some just for sex but not everyone is like that. Sex seems fun but a beautiful women has more to offer than looks she has interests and talents and wants to talk normal. See with guys talking to girls means your friend zoned so it needs to be talking as a couple.

Popular girls have it rough with other girls who are jealous or spread rumors, then you have the pressure to maintain that popular image. Where as unpopular people have it hard being they are ignored.

Never realized you get anxiety from too much attention, why not approach a shy guy you will be doing him and yourself a favor! 

Beauty is also an opinion so you say your beautiful but that depends on who you ask. 3 guys asking you out in a month is damn good so guess you have to be very pretty.


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## Buckyx (Nov 1, 2014)

tldr, thread name for real? peoples logic here is really weird, everyone has it harder then it means they are all equal


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> From what I observe, hot girls are always being asked out by guys, yes some just for sex but not everyone is like that. Sex seems fun but a beautiful women has more to offer than looks she has interests and talents and wants to talk normal. See with guys talking to girls means your friend zoned so it needs to be talking as a couple.
> 
> Popular girls have it rough with other girls who are jealous or spread rumors, then you have the pressure to maintain that popular image. Where as unpopular people have it hard being they are ignored.
> 
> ...


It was actually three guys in two weeks but they were all duds.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I can't believe so many people here try and respond lol...you guys don't understand, calichick is BEAUTIFUL...no one here could possibly understand the depths of her problems because no one here is as beautiful as she is.

:troll :troll :troll


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

calichick said:


> It was actually three guys in two weeks but they were all duds.


Plenty of guys on here, I'm single and don't know you or what you look like but you sound interesting sort of like not a boring girl or crazy kind of in between which is good.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

the cheat said:


> I can't believe so many people here try and respond lol...you guys don't understand, calichick is BEAUTIFUL...no one here could possibly understand the depths of her problems because no one here is as beautiful as she is.
> 
> :troll :troll :troll


I don't think I was actually looking for an answer, just a place to vent...

I already did all my research online, seems like it's a common trend for intimidating women to have a tougher time breaking down boundaries.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> Plenty of guys on here, I'm single


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

calichick said:


> I don't understand why the guy next to me is STILL intimidated by me, I just don't. I was discussing it with my friend yesterday, and I'm like, ok so the dude had a little crush on me and I understand it can be hard to talk to someone when you find them so attractive but it's been THREE months. I'm old news- he realizes I pee and s*** and talk with my mouth full just like everyone else, I'm not that interesting, and I'm no saint and I'm not all that. Aka I'm just human.
> 
> I don't understand it. Even with guys who I find hot upon meeting after awhile, they won't *intimidate* (being the key word) me after some time has passed I'll just be more curious to find out more about them. (Anyone else feel the same way? Is it actually possible for a crush based solely on physical appearance to sustain itself for more than a few months? A few years? MEN are bat**** crazy if this is how it works for them- and I know it's true based on 3/4 of my interactions with them over the past years. I mean _come on_. What's sad is even guys to this day who I knew 2-3 years ago will be stalking me weekly on social media but are still . . . Intimidated. Urggggg)
> 
> ...


Most men care about looks more than anything else. Everything else is gravy to them. So if you're drop dead gorgeous you're already as intimidating as you'll ever be.

Men don't seem to be like women, in that regard, who seem to care more about whether or not the man is dull or lacking a sense of humor, etc.; ie. having charisma. I can look at a man and find him attractive but that's as far as it ever gets unless he's got personality to back it up. Without an appealing personality he's just ornamental. But a man who can make me feel passion -- well, I don't much care what he looks like, tbh.

So while your feeling of intimidation is waning as you get to know someone and realize that their candy coated exterior contains an entirely bland nut, the intimidation that men feel toward you never varies so long as your appearance doesn't fundamentally alter. They won't get bored of you if you have a boring personality; they'll simply overlook it because they like the package it's wrapped in.

These men who aren't approaching you are probably afraid because they know they don't have the other half of the equation. They don't feel like they measure up. They're the ones who say: "Looks don't do you any good if your personality sucks." You can find people like that on this very forum.

What you need is a man who feels like he does measure up ... and, well, I wish you the best of luck.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

truant said:


> Most men care about looks more than anything else. Everything else is gravy to them. So if you're drop dead gorgeous you're already as intimidating as you'll ever be.
> 
> Men don't seem to be like women, in that regard, who seem to care more about whether or not the man is dull or lacking a sense of humor, etc.; ie. having charisma. I can look at a man and find him attractive but that's as far as it ever gets unless he's got personality to back it up. Without an appealing personality he's just ornamental. But a man who can make me feel passion -- well, I don't much care what he looks like, tbh.
> 
> ...


A lot of men are like that but not all thank the all heavens above that God made Decent and Good Men.

Like:

Ones that don't look at my boobs while talking to me. Straight in the eyes never flinching.
Ones that don't cock their heads for every girl with a Gina that passes.
Ones that don't act chauvinistic and haughty towards other men.
Ones that don't pick up chicks for the sake of sex and another notch on their belt.
Ones that appreciate a woman for how she looks but sees beyond the outer layer to form something potentially more enduring.

...you know what the tough part is finding a good guy but they do exist. I try to pride myself on picking out the "good" ones in a bunch the only problem I have is discerning shy guys as not automatically being good guys.

Cuz shy guys are generally what I like as they seem less douchey but in the end they could just conceal it well.

Like myself for example, rather shy and "innocent" upon first glance (attractive to a lot of men) but really feisty and stubborn in the end

Looks can be deceiving. 

Thanks for your response dear :lol


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

calichick said:


>


The answer is Both.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

keithp said:


> The answer is Both.


LOL. ok sweetheart..

I wonder if Keithp remembers me posting in his thread 4 years ago. Cause every time I see his username it reminds me of that Michael Phelps discussion lol.

Alright I'm off to bed lovelies...

God I want my guy at work so bad...he's so cute I just want to sit on his face...in the nicest way possible


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

calichick said:


> LOL. ok sweetheart..
> 
> I wonder if Keithp remembers me posting in his thread 4 years ago. Cause every time I see his username it reminds me of that Michael Phelps discussion lol.
> 
> ...


I do remember that discussion! The question is do you find him (and me) attractive LOL. I'll stop now :b


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

calichick said:


> One result of being unapproachable is you're super horny all the time.
> 
> He was talking to me the other day and I was just looking at his arms and his nails and his fingers, all perfect but not too perfect and thinking, _wow_...what I'd let a guy do...
> .


:um

Is it me or is it getting hot in here?


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

calichick said:


> A lot of men are like that but not all thank the all heavens above that God made Decent and Good Men...
> 
> ...you know what the tough part is finding a good guy but they do exist. I try to pride myself on picking out the "good" ones in a bunch the only problem I have is discerning shy guys as not automatically being good guys.


Of course there are plenty of good men, but they like all the same things as the bad ones. They just treat you better.


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## VeMuñeca (Sep 5, 2013)

OP,what you wrote makes sense. People assume since you're attractive that you must go on a lot of dates. Then some people only want to be your friend because you are attractive so they hope to get something out of the friendship.

What annoys me is how people expect anyone to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or expect most people to date. They forget there are people like me, as well as others, who choose to remain single because we are in a position of our lives where we are either preoccupied or emotionally not ready for dates or a relationship.


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## LoveMissesG (Dec 21, 2011)

Being pretty & having social anxiety is HELL on earth.

1. People expect you to be bubbly, perky, smiley, confident & carefree. Especially if you try & dress nice & wear makeup.

2. When you are none of the above they begin to wonder "what the hell is wrong with her? She must be stuck up, disinterested or thinks she's better then us." 

3. Guys will catcall as you walk down the street. And since you have social anxiety this terrifies you more then the average person. Even cute guys that approach you correctly make you freeze up. 

4. From my experience pretty ppl with social anxiety seem to be thought of as narcissistic & attention seeking, maybe even a cold hearted b*tch. Whereas average or "unattractive" ppl with social anxiety tend to get more sympathy.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

calichick said:


> I don't think I was actually looking for an answer, just a place to vent...
> 
> I already did all my research online, seems like it's a common trend for intimidating women to have a tougher time breaking down boundaries.


Maybe it'll help if you post pics of your feet.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

calichick said:


> That is what I have been preaching since Day 1.
> 
> Beauty is IMMENSELY OVERRATED.
> 
> ...


A lot of it could also be thinking you're most likely married or spoken for, and also the danger of ****ing up everything at work. I actually find it way easier to talk to women at work than just out and about, but usually the only ones I can't talk to are the ones that are hot, pretty much just because they are hot. It is like this moth to flame thing, you can't help but be mesmerized but there is this feeling like you're going to get burned.

I think the problem is often an imbalance of power.. In most relationships there are a lot of ways both have to trust and compromise and feel comfortable with each other.. With women that make everyone in a quarter mile freak out, there is always this feeling like some guy is going to steal her away or that she will get fed up and leave and it makes a lot of guys feel like it isn't even worth the effort and inevitable pain.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

More like ''socially unskilled women have a harder time dating in society''. 

There are lots of beautiful women who are still able to form meaningful friendships and relationships. You intimidate people mostly because of your demeanor. Like emotional contagion, others can sense your social discomfort and they get infected with it. I know because I do intimidate people but I'm no head turner.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

nubly said:


> Maybe it'll help if you post pics of your feet.


Awkward foot fetish?


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## Hurrikan (Mar 22, 2015)

calichick said:


> I feel very alienated. I feel like society is causing me to become a complete b**** out of my own free will and my soul and my heart are blackening to become more bitter and jaded by the day because of the way which other people and women in particular treat you. This is what is expected of attractive people, to be uncaring of others with a complete disregard for whose feet they step on so they are treated as such.
> 
> They will stare at you but when you try to be courteous or say hi to them, they will give you a onceover and either completely ignore you or keep their exchanges short and court. And it's a bittersweet feeling because on the one hand you feel empowered like you can rise above that bull**** and the other hand you lack that connection of human interaction. There is this one girl at my work who recently quit and I barely knew her but when she came back to visit she was referring to me as the pretty one and she had asked my friend about me but when we came face to face, she barely looked at me or acknowledged me. And my supposed friends end up being complete b****es to me when they're not feeling so great about themselves, and it's the pretty ones who are not used to having their attention stolen who are the worst. They will try to degrade you and say mean and hateful things to you, which I try not to let affect me but I'm not at that age yet where I can easily blow things off.
> 
> ...


it's just as hard for us super duper attractive men


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

LoveMissesG said:


> Being pretty & having social anxiety is HELL on earth.
> 
> 1. People expect you to be bubbly, perky, smiley, confident & carefree. Especially if you try & dress nice & wear makeup.
> 
> ...


It's weird though because I can come across as pretty bubbly. Outgoing and carefree at times even when I'm in the right mood....

People don't seem to be too keen on that either. They think it's fake or contrived and want nothing to do with you.

I guess attractive people just don't rub too well on other people?

It's intimidation is what it is. Take it back to the wild kingdom- fear is one of the strongest incentives to alienation....

I really do, I try to make people like me by being smiley and friendly with them....some of them -most of them just have this expression on their face like why the hell is she messing with me?

:lol human behavior is interesting.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

An attractive person with a seemingly "stuck up" attitude

vs

An attractive person who is down to earth and friendly

Um...correct me if Im wrong but 9 times out of 10, people don't differentiate between A and B. It's the logical fallacy of "because you are attractive you must be a complete b****, therefore I want nothing to do with you" etc even if you are acting nice, you must want something out of me or are using me for your own intentions. There's no such thing as a genuinely kind-hearted person who can do so much damage with the blink of an eye eh? :lol



Hurrikan said:


> it's just as hard for us super duper attractive men


I never doubted that. In fact I know it more closely now observing how people interact with this one guy at my work. He looks like a model, is intelligent, bit bland but people keep their distance. Most of the time he's alone.

Also for the guys here, you should know that as much as men gloat about the hot women in such a place, women are discussing the exact same thing, I swear the number of older women who have said some mildly pervish stuff about the hot men in the office is rather amusing


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Freiheit said:


> *In a way, I can relate. Basically, if you have anxiety and depression, you're ****ed no matter how good you look*.


Yes this^^^^^^

If youre anxious and melancholy 90% of the time..people can see that on you and feel it.. and will make a bee line in the other direction..


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

knightofdespair said:


> A lot of it could also be thinking you're most likely married or spoken for, and also the danger of ****ing up everything at work. I actually find it way easier to talk to women at work than just out and about, but usually the only ones I can't talk to are the ones that are hot, pretty much just because they are hot. It is like this moth to flame thing, you can't help but be mesmerized but there is this feeling like you're going to get burned.
> 
> I think the problem is often an imbalance of power.. In most relationships there are a lot of ways both have to trust and compromise and feel comfortable with each other.. With women that make everyone in a quarter mile freak out, there is always this feeling like some guy is going to steal her away or that she will get fed up and leave and it makes a lot of guys feel like it isn't even worth the effort and inevitable pain.


This makes me really sad though because I am all too familiar with being treated like her mighty highness, encased in some pretty bubble wrap and not being able to have a deeper relationship with a man, and I know I've discussed this before on here multiple a time, but somehow- deep down- miraculously I expected it to become easier with time. As I grew up and as I became more socially adept and able to flirt and make eye contact and engage men. Truly engage them, but it seems to be stagnant.

And I don't know how to alleviate insecurities and all it boils down to is meeting the right man who is willing to take a risk or not have inhibitions hold him back 

And Ive been wishing this with every single man that has liked me...but it just seems to hit a dead end every time.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

wrongnumber said:


> More like ''socially unskilled women have a harder time dating in society''.
> 
> There are lots of beautiful women who are still able to form meaningful friendships and relationships. You intimidate people mostly because of your demeanor. Like emotional contagion, others can sense your social discomfort and they get infected with it. I know because I do intimidate people but I'm no head turner.


Yall are missing the grand point here.

I can turn on extroversion when the time is right. I can openly flirt, yell across a room, meet a girl and and try to get buddy buddy with her.

And with men although I'm aiming practically, I can engage the ones that don't frighten me. I'm not shy around the right people.

have any of you girls experienced this feeling.

There's a classmate or a coworker, female, who you want to be friends with. You've talked to them before out of strictly work related matters and then on the odd occurrence that you two bump paths you try to get to know them better.

Ask them about something, compliment them...

They are not interested in any of that with me. They'll give a one worded answer without looking me in the eye and retreat. Some of them won't even return a courteous "hi" back but just ignore me.

Half of the time I'm like WTF? What the f*** really? It's absolutely hilarious. It's hilarious that we can be blamed for intimidating people when we do everything in our power to get people to open up and yet it's still our fault. Something must be wrong with us because people are fearful.

People, intimidation is a f***ing blessing and curse in disguise. There's like this invisible bubble around you so you're all by your lonesome most of the time. There is a certain amount of respect that comes along with it that I'm not complaining about.

People assume you're well educated and trust you more ^_^ not saying this isn't a valid assumption but it's nice to be held in high regards sometimes.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

calichick said:


> Yall are missing the grand point here.
> 
> I can turn on extroversion when the time is right. I can openly flirt, yell across a room, meet a girl and and try to get buddy buddy with her.
> 
> And with men although I'm aiming practically, I can engage the ones that don't frighten me. I'm not shy around the right people.


Socially unskilled doesn't have to mean introverted. I was specifically referring to social skills only. Obviously if you're on this forum you have anxiety, and you have social problems. So chances are, if you have a problem with getting close to people, you're the common denominator. And there are scores of attractive people who can get close to people just fine, so it's probably more likely your personality and not society. You do center everything on your looks however, so you probably have some BDD issues going on which is partly why you think everyone must be stand offish due to your appearance.



calichick said:


> There's a classmate or a coworker, female, who you want to be friends with. You've talked to them before out of strictly work related matters and then on the odd occurrence that you two bump paths you try to get to know them better.


This is typical in those who lack social skills. They do fine in structured conversations, where they know their roles. But the minute they're in a casual setting they flounder.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

wrongnumber said:


> Socially unskilled doesn't have to mean introverted. I was specifically referring to social skills only. Obviously if you're on this forum you have anxiety, and you have social problems. So chances are, if you have a problem with getting close to people, you're the common denominator. And there are scores of attractive people who can get close to people just fine, so it's probably more likely your personality and not society. You do center everything on your looks however, so you probably have some BDD issues going on which is partly why you think everyone must be stand offish due to your appearance.
> 
> This is typical in those who lack social skills. They do fine in structured conversations, where they know their roles. But the minute they're in a casual setting they flounder.


Oh sweetie....

If you could walk a day in my shoes, you wouldn't be posting in this topic.

Cheers


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

P.S don't proclaim to know an ounce of what an "attractive" person goes through if you've said yourself you're not a looker.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

...the only contempt and maltreatment I get in life is by straight women and some gay guys and this above is what I call selective reading. So I must be incapable of having a decent conversation if most women are not open to the idea of looking at me. Yet I can carry on a convo with a dude for days on end if he isn't shaking in his boots.


Women. I try to stick to men I just can't deal with the sexual tension sometimes. It has its benefits though.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

calichick said:


> ...the only contempt and maltreatment I get in life is by straight women and some gay guys and this above is what I call selective reading. So I must be incapable of having a decent conversation if most women are not open to the idea of looking at me. *Yet I can carry on a convo with a dude for days on end if he isn't shaking in his boots.*
> 
> Women. I try to stick to men I just can't deal with the sexual tension sometimes. It has its benefits though.


I'm sure it's because of genuine interest in you as a person...


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Interesting reaction.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

AussiePea said:


> I'm sure it's because of genuine interest in you as a person...


Yeh I'm sure if I could offer straight women sexual favors too they'd be all over me and then I'd be miraculously cured of my "social disorder" cuz the problem is all me. I must have a ****ty personality ROFL :lol

Lesbians. Much easier than their counterparts.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Interesting reaction.


Not really,i just don't tolerate haters

Haters are people that make you feel like the problem is you.

I've had to deal with it my whole life, nothing new.

And why is it that 10 out of 10 times its women?

I don't mess with women normally. They ca be crazy b***es


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Men have their own downfalls, but most of it revolves around a sexually predatory nature.

Sometimes when I am around men for too long, I feel like a part of my mind has reverted back to a time when we didn't use intellect and mental capacity to reflect

LOL just kidding.

They can get really sexually invasive sometimes though no joke. Even if they're not intentionally doing it it can be a bit abrasive at times. 


Like guy right next to me @ work. Dude makes me want to call HR to ask him about his work history . Has that stalkerish vibe like when I'm getting ready in the morning and half expect him to be in my doorway carrying some duck tape and ammonia..


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Oh no, but the problem is me.

Right.

:lol

Ciao


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

She wasn't hating. You appear to deflect criticism by using your physical appearence as a shield in order to protect your ego.

But it's OK, nobody is perfect and it's not your fault, but you should think about what you can realistically change about your approach to social situations unless you really want this to continue.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Sweetie ptd this:

"This is typical in those who lack social skills. They do fine in structured conversations, where they know their roles. But the minute they're in a casual setting they flounder"

Is a clear personal attack. And I've been giving an infraction on these boards for making indirect statements like this

AND NO ONE HAS YET TO ANSWER WHY IF ITS MY OWN ISSUE THAT MEN ARE MORE RECEPTIVE TO ME.

Face it, if you know what I'm talking about (maybe a handful of people on this board) you would know what it's like....

To be an attractive woman in society. I call tell yall stories upon stories of irony, entertainment, harassment, whatever

But I need to get my beauty rest #1 thing is sleep. Widen those eyes freshen that skin...

I love some people's advice on other websites -let go of yourself, get fat, stop wearing makeup dressing up.

My response: eat me. B****. :rofl


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

but in all seriousness, I am pretty good-looking. Model looking. Get stopped by strangers type.


I was thinking that back then when people used to ask me to model I thought they were just saying that cause I fit the profile -tall shapely pretty etc

Now when they say it, I guess it's because...


I'm actually quite attractive. Never really believed it until I quit the Pill recently. That s*** is wretched. Changed my life for 5 years, maybe it's a good thing, didn't think about d*** much killed my libido finally regaining some of that feeling..


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Yeah right 
I'm too sexy for my shirt , so sexy it hurts . 
lol


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

They have a harder time dating than who? Unattractive people with social anxiety? Certainly you jest baby girl.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

calichick said:


> Oh sweetie....
> 
> If you could walk a day in my shoes, you wouldn't be posting in this topic.
> 
> Cheers


Honestly, your reaction just makes it look like you are easily and extremely threatened by what I said... condescending me, implying that I'm a hater, feeling like a victim etc. The way you act here could practically be a microcosm of your real life.

Yet the fact is I was actually relating to your problem because I also intimidate people. The difference is I don't blame everyone else. I don't believe most people are vacuous, or have something against me from the outset, but that seems to be the conclusion you jump to. The BDD issues... pretty sure I've read posts of yours in the what's bothering you thread, where you were lamenting your looks and how insecure you are over them. I wouldn't suddenly blame that on the pill. The insecurity is likely latent.

Fact is, other people are just people, and they pick up on non verbal social cues. This is an area of interest to me since I've read and studied a lot on the topics of social anxiety and related social problems. So that's actually why I even posted on this topic. I almost always post whenever I see someone here saying they intimidate others.



calichick said:


> P.S don't proclaim to know an ounce of what an "attractive" person goes through if you've said yourself you're not a looker.


I know because I've been close to a couple of female friends who are considered very attractive. Who have at times, received attention daily for their looks. They never had trouble getting dates, intimidated people, experienced the social disconnect you describe, nor lamented society. I also have a couple of cousins who also modeled and were in beauty pageants. Again, they never had trouble forming close friendships with women, or getting into stable and long-term relationships. If anything it seemed they had life easier for being so attractive. All of them are free of significant mental illness, (SA, BDD etc), so that's probably what sets them apart from you. Which was my original point.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

calichick said:


> ...the only contempt and maltreatment I get in life is by straight women and some gay guys and this above is what I call selective reading. So I must be incapable of having a decent conversation if most women are not open to the idea of looking at me. Yet I can carry on a convo with a dude for days on end if he isn't shaking in his boots.
> 
> Women. I try to stick to men I just can't deal with the sexual tension sometimes. It has its benefits though.


Interesting, because this just further confirms what I was saying. Men are often easier to socialise with in the sense that they're more straight forward, and often less socially nuanced than women. A lot of those with social problems say, like you, that they find it easier to socialise with men.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Grog said:


> Yeah right
> I'm too sexy for my shirt , so sexy it hurts .
> lol


Hey; some people here have been intimidated by me since I first joined and I had some two bit crappy selfie picture of me...

Actually I take that back, I liked that photo, it was Classy. :lol


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

calichick said:


> Hey; some people here have been intimidated by me since I first joined and I had some two bit crappy selfie picture of me...
> 
> Actually I take that back, I liked that photo, it was Classy.


I don't think it's your looks that intimidates people , more of your fiery defensiveness and confidence .

I like it


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

SA go0n said:


> They have a harder time dating than who? Unattractive people with social anxiety? Certainly you jest baby girl.


Who you calling baby girl sweetheart? :rofl

You know I might see eye to eye with some of you here if I had never experienced the other side.

Meaning I went through an ugly duckling phase growing up and also had anxiety tenfold compared to now and people were rather nice to me. In fact men were more willing to approach me I was not intimidating and I made friends easily.

It's strange how their opinions change of you when you suddenly pose a threat to them.

B***es are real these days.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Grog said:


> I don't think it's your looks that intimidates people , more of your fiery defensiveness and confidence .
> 
> I like it


Nah it was the pic, for real :lol


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

wrongnumber said:


> Socially unskilled doesn't have to mean introverted. I was specifically referring to social skills only. Obviously if you're on this forum you have anxiety, and you have social problems. So chances are, if you have a problem with getting close to people, you're the common denominator. And there are scores of attractive people who can get close to people just fine, so it's probably more likely your personality and not society. You do center everything on your looks however, so you probably have some BDD issues going on which is partly why you think everyone must be stand offish due to your appearance.
> 
> This is typical in those who lack social skills. They do fine in structured conversations, where they know their roles. But the minute they're in a casual setting they flounder.





wrongnumber said:


> Honestly, your reaction just makes it look like you are easily and extremely threatened by what I said... condescending me, implying that I'm a hater, feeling like a victim etc. The way you act here could practically be a microcosm of your real life.
> 
> Yet the fact is I was actually relating to your problem because I also intimidate people. The difference is I don't blame everyone else. I don't believe most people are vacuous, or have something against me from the outset, but that seems to be the conclusion you jump to. The BDD issues... pretty sure I've read posts of yours in the what's bothering you thread, where you were lamenting your looks and how insecure you are over them. I wouldn't suddenly blame that on the pill. The insecurity is likely latent.
> 
> ...





wrongnumber said:


> Interesting, because this just further confirms what I was saying. Men are often easier to socialise with in the sense that they're more straight forward, and often less socially nuanced than women. A lot of those with social problems say, like you, that they find it easier to socialise with men.


You've hit the nail on the head:b


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## Oh Dae su (Nov 21, 2013)

Your personality is the most abrasive I've seen in a while. I personally wouldn't want you as a friend, let alone anything else :lol. I think the problem lies somewhere else, not entirely with your looks...Whatever though. I've seen how you respond to people who disagree with you...No real point.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

calichick said:


> Nah it was the pic, for real :lol


Well no good comes from selfies lol .


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Oh Dae su said:


> Your personality is the most abrasive I've seen in a while. I personally wouldn't want you as a friend, let alone anything else :lol.


Don't worry i have high standards so our paths would probably never cross


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

wrongnumber said:


> Interesting, because this just further confirms what I was saying. Men are often easier to socialise with in the sense that they're more straight forward, and often less socially nuanced than women. A lot of those with social problems say, like you, that they find it easier to socialise with men.


Nope sweetheart. Try again.

You can keep making excuses for the discrepancy is how males treat me versus females, you can say males are not as advanced socially or have alternate intentions on their mind, or maybe my boobs are just pushed too high and this is a negative non-verbal cue :lol Gay men are a tell all and refute every last point that you made.

I READ people for a living. I am intertwined with everything from facial assessment, body language, perception etc. this is a hobby of mine too sweetheart 

within 2 minutes or less of meeting someone, I can look them deep in the eyes by the way they react to me and by the way they are looking at me, if they like me or not.

-women will usually give you a onceover, and gaze at your entire form, and you can see the look of distraught in their eyes. 
-men, they have this thing, where they stare a moment too long into your eyes. You'll be having having a conversation with him and there's this moment of lull in speech -an ever so slight lull- and he'll just be gazing into your eyes, eyebrows slightly raised, half grin on his face.

I love it :blush

Dude I live for those moments.


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## Oh Dae su (Nov 21, 2013)

calichick said:


> Don't worry i have high standards so our paths would probably never cross


Clever retort. Really got me there.

I could list a million other reasons as to why they wouldn't. Your standards probably being the least likely. I'd rather drag my balls over dying embers than spend a minute with your company.

When you age and your looks whither (this is assuming you're even remotely attractive physically), you will be left with nothing but that personality of yours....and you'll soon come to realise people still treat you the same way. You'll realise quite quickly that people weren't intimidated by your looks after all, just your overwhelming **** storm of a personality. No one likes to hang around with someone who is so conceited.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Oh Dae su said:


> Clever retort. Really got me there.
> 
> I could list a million other reasons as to why they wouldn't. Your standards probably being the least likely. I'd rather drag my balls over dying embers than spend a minute with your company.
> 
> When you age and your looks whither (this is assuming you're even remotely attractive physically), you will be left with nothing but that personality of yours....and you'll soon come to realise people still treat you the same way. You'll realise quite quickly that people weren't intimidated by your looks after all, just your overwhelming **** storm of a personality. No one likes to hang around with someone who is so conceited.


Make you feel better hun?

:lol did some pretty girl wrong you in the past week?

I'm not here for ppl to reflect their problems on me.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

No offense but create your own thread if you're looking to vent :lol


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Fs, leave her alone. There is some really good advice on here and you are partially right, I have seen it firsthand with myself (though I don't class myself as beautiful) and other women in the past. A lot (not all) of men try to play and objectify women they see as attractive (Sometimes because they have issues of their own.) This can build up a lot of trust issues when it comes to dating someone.. Even if they turn out to be decent. 

I'd advise talking to a professional who specialises in your issues about this, as I've seen you post about similar issues in the past.

Too many bitter unhelpful d***s on SAS.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

dontwaitupforme said:


> Fs, leave her alone. There is some really good advice on here and you are partially right, I have seen it firsthand with women in the past. A lot (not all) of men try to play and objectify women they see as attractive. This can build up a lot of trust issues when it comes to dating someone.. Even if they turn out to be decent.
> 
> *I'd advise talking to a professional who specialises in your issues about this, as I've seen you post about similar issues in the past.*
> 
> Too many bitter unhelpful d***s on SAS.


I agree. With only the bolded part.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

calichick said:


> I love some people's advice on other websites -let go of yourself, get fat, stop wearing makeup dressing up.


I don't understand though, what is the problem with this advice? (I think I gave it also early in this thread). Not intended with any hostility or anything, its just a logical solution.

I don't doubt there are issues with being very attractive, both in terms of backstabbing from other women, and men acting weirdly. But, if being attractive is the problem, why not make yourself slightly less attractive?

Certainly it isn't optimal that you would need to consider doing this, a perfect world for you would be to have the benefits of being attractive without any of the costs - but people are people, and they react to attractiveness, and ugliness in certain ways, for good and bad.

_You won't ever be able to change how other people react to your beauty._

You therefore have three practical ways to attempt to overcome the problem, that are within your power to do so.

1)Somehow learn to tolerate / not be affected by the way in which others react to you.
2)Act to modify the thing that causes others to react to you in the way they do
3)Avoid people entirely

Being stubborn myself, if I had your issue I would probably pick 1) - but I don't much want to find a partner and be social 

If the problem is so bad its causing you real pain, solution 2 is the easiest fix.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I agree. With only the bolded part.


Im just curious ptd what's your reaction when you see an attractive woman?

Personally I'm not going to be a hypocrite, when I see a woman who's even better looking, I die a bit inside....lol

Human nature.

Ps thanx @dontwaitupforme


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## Oh Dae su (Nov 21, 2013)

calichick said:


> Make you feel better hun?
> 
> :lol did some pretty girl wrong you in the past week?
> 
> I'm not here for ppl to reflect their problems on me.


Pretty baseless assumptions. Again.

I know it's hard to believe someone is frustrated by you, since you seem to have some massive ego going for you...but believe me. You alone have annoyed me enough to warrant a rant. I simply don't like you, and felt like expressing it. People who are full of themselves irk me, like they do most people.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

calichick said:


> Im just curious ptd what's your reaction when you see an attractive woman?
> 
> Ps thanx @dontwaitupforme


I don't really react to strangers at all, and I don't talk to people in real life often these days.










you sure are fun.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

calichick said:


> Oh sweetie....
> 
> If you could walk a day in my shoes, you wouldn't be posting in this topic.
> 
> Cheers


Open toe shoes I hope.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

I'm so glad I got to witness this thread.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

splendidbob said:


> I don't understand though, what is the problem with this advice? (I think I gave it also early in this thread). Not intended with any hostility or anything, its just a logical solution.
> 
> I don't doubt there are issues with being very attractive, both in terms of backstabbing from other women, and men acting weirdly. But, if being attractive is the problem, why not make yourself slightly less attractive?
> 
> ...


I will never let go of myself plain and simple.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I don't really react to strangers at all, and I don't talk to people in real life often these days.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nope I didnt ask if you talk to people. But good on you for having a self esteem fortified by bricks, I wish I could say the same.

Men and women,

We you see someone of the same sex who is so ridiculously fine cross paths with you where half the world stops breathing for a second, is your reaction a positive one? A woman who's t*ts are perfection and has legs a mile long and a mane of hair that rupunzel would envy? Or a man who looks like an imitation Greek God 6'4 with striking features and all the women have their panties in a bunch over?

Don't you just love life sometimes?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

^*crickets*

And END thread.

That's what I thought.

Take all yall hypocritical selves to the bank with that :lol

Beautiful people are intimidating.

For you for me for everybody.

End of story.
@splendidbob some of us were lucky to have been dealt a good set of cards in life and not one moment I wouldn't be appreciative or wish otherwise. Other people's perceptions should never reflect on your own.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

calichick said:


> Nope I didnt ask if you talk to people. But good on you for having a self esteem fortified by bricks, I wish I could say the same.
> 
> Men and women,
> 
> ...


lol my self esteem is terrible.

But yeah, it's pretty positive if I like her style - hair/clothes etc I'm like 'cool' otherwise I don't think much. I get jealous if a guy I like starts dating another woman or admits to liking someone else though that's regardless of physical appearance.

You know I don't do Greek Gods Calichick... Well... Except Hades obviously. ;D










right?

I'm so sorry.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

If half of your face were covered with burns, what would you have?

Do you think you would have an easier time dating, then?



calichick said:


> Or a man who looks like an *imitation Greek God* 6'4 with striking features and all the women have their panties in a bunch over?


The word you're looking for here is Adonis.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Persephone The Dread said:


> lol my self esteem is terrible.
> 
> But yeah, it's pretty positive if I like her style - hair/clothes etc I'm like 'cool' otherwise I don't think much. I get jealous if a guy I like starts dating another woman or admits to liking someone else.
> 
> ...


All for the better. Most of them would rip your heart in two.

Ouch. Stereotypical much? Lol I can play the game too ^-^


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Sacrieur said:


> If half of your face were covered with burns, what would you have?
> 
> Do you think you would have an easier time dating, then?
> 
> The word you're looking for here is Adonis.


Opposite problem different side of th spectrum.

Physical health is the first thing people look for in a mate.

I would never wish this upon me or my worst enemy


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

calichick said:


> Opposite problem different side of th spectrum.
> 
> Physical health is the first thing people look for in a mate.
> 
> I would never wish this upon me or my worst enemy


What do scars have to do with physical health?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Correction burns

They signal physical malady

Alright I'm out this calichick has to go work to make her living

Ciao


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

calichick said:


> Nope sweetheart. Try again.
> 
> You can keep making excuses for the discrepancy is how males treat me versus females, you can say males are not as advanced socially or have alternate intentions on their mind, or maybe my boobs are just pushed too high and this is a negative non-verbal cue :lol Gay men are a tell all and refute every last point that you made.
> 
> ...


You sound like a nut. Nuts have a harder time dating than beautiful women.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I was pretty pissed about this at the time to be fair. That ***** Aphrodite.
> 
> So much incest and kidnapping in Greek mythology.


Don't read up about Greek society and culture, then.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Sacrieur said:


> Don't read up about Greek society and culture, then.


It was a joke -sigh- I need to leave this website. Between this kind of thing and the trolls telling me guys would rather rip their balls off I mean... It's all fun up till a point but I'm done. I clash with too many people here.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It was a joke -sigh- I need to leave this website. Between this kind of thing and the trolls telling me guys would rather rip their balls off I mean... It's all fun up till a point but I'm done. I clash with too many people here.


Aw Persephone don't say that, you're like one of the coolest people here <3

If it makes you feel better I'll go beat them up for you.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Sacrieur said:


> Aw Persephone don't say that, you're like one of the coolest people here <3
> 
> If it makes you feel better I'll go beat them up for you.


Sorry, kind of an overreaction but I'm just pretty sensitive today apparently. I shouldn't really be here when I'm feeling like that and I've spent too much time here again today.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Sorry, kind of an overreaction but I'm just pretty sensitive today apparently. I shouldn't really be here when I'm feeling like that and I've spent too much time here again today.


I think someone needs more eyeballs.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

scarpia said:


> You sound like a nut. Nuts have a harder time dating than beautiful women.


I don't think I ever doubted the fact that I'm completely bat**** crazy.

Being beautiful and crazy are not two mutually exclusive things.

In fact, if anything, I think it's quite a common association...


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

calichick said:


> Men and women,
> 
> We you see someone of the same sex who is so ridiculously fine cross paths with you where half the world stops breathing for a second, is your reaction a positive one? A woman who's t*ts are perfection and has legs a mile long and a mane of hair that rupunzel would envy? Or a man who looks like an imitation Greek God 6'4 with striking features and all the women have their panties in a bunch over?


I'm envious of beautiful women (most women, really). But I know that about myself, so I try not to let it cloud my judgment. And two of the most beautiful women I've ever met were also the nicest, so I know that appearance has nothing to do with character.

Most men intimidate me (for entirely different reasons), and really attractive men are more intimidating at first, but after that initial reaction it's the men that I'm most _interested_ in that I find most intimidating, which isn't always the most attractive men. It's the men whose judgment I'm most concerned about, which is correlated more strongly with how much I respect them.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

calichick said:


> Gay men are a tell all and refute every last point that you made.


I don't get that reasoning. Are you saying gay men are intimidated by the looks of an attractive woman? Why would they be if they can't possibly be attracted nor threatened? If anything it actually further supports what I said because gay men are socially more akin to women (hence why they usually hang out with women over straight men). I just didn't bother to say it in my last post because I wanted to keep it as simple as possible.



calichick said:


> I READ people for a living. I am intertwined with everything from facial assessment, body language, perception etc. this is a hobby of mine too sweetheart


Don't you read computers for a living? Pretty sure you read people about as much as the next person.



calichick said:


> within 2 minutes or less of meeting someone, I can look them deep in the eyes by the way they react to me and by the way they are looking at me, if they like me or not.


This is a pretty ubiquitous skill. Most people can roughly tell whether someone likes them or not within the first few minutes.



calichick said:


> Opposite problem different side of th spectrum.
> Physical health is the first thing people look for in a mate.
> I would never wish this upon me or my worst enemy


Being socially 'off' is also a sign of poor mental/physical health, and therefore it's also one of the first things people look for in a mate.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Well if they'd stop actin so snobby and prancing about like they own the place I'd ask them out :/


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

truant said:


> I'm envious of beautiful women (most women, really). But I know that about myself, so I try not to let it cloud my judgment. And two of the most beautiful women I've ever met were also the nicest, so I know that appearance has nothing to do with character.
> 
> Most men intimidate me (for entirely different reasons), and really attractive men are more intimidating at first, but after that initial reaction it's the men that I'm most _interested_ in that I find most intimidating, which isn't always the most attractive men. It's the men whose judgment I'm most concerned about, which is correlated more strongly with how much I respect them.


Completely agree dear

If there's a ridic hot guy, it'll frighten me off the bat but after awhile it'll grow old if something else doesn't form- an emotional bond, mutual interests etc

I guess if someone becomes obsessed with someone than its easy to carry on some kind of false fairy tale without actually really getting to know the person first.

And yes, I admit...I've been obsessed before.

I'm sure we all have eh?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

blue2 said:


> Well if they'd stop actin so snobby and prancing about like they own the place I'd ask them out :/


But let me guess, on the odd chance that they talk to you, you are suddenly overcome with an overwhelming fear.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

obsession happens when you build up a false perception of another person based on your own misconstrued needs and biases, and id say the longer a person entertains such a fantasy the longer the gap of disillusionment becomes, and havoc ensues...


Mental mainly...you become perplexed by said person for reasons completely irrelevant and often times based on no solid grounds


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

truant said:


> I'm envious of beautiful women (most women, really). But I know that about myself, so I try not to let it cloud my judgment. And two of the most beautiful women I've ever met were also the nicest, so I know that appearance has nothing to do with character.
> 
> Most men intimidate me (for entirely different reasons), and really attractive men are more intimidating at first, but after that initial reaction it's the men that I'm most _interested_ in that I find most intimidating, which isn't always the most attractive men. It's the men whose judgment I'm most concerned about, which is correlated more strongly with how much I respect them.


This is true for me too, it's not someones appearance which determines how they intimidate me but how much I respect them and their opinions.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

AussiePea said:


> This is true for me too, it's not someones appearance which determines how they intimidate me but how much I respect them and their opinions.


The problem is many people base their judgments and opinions of people on completely superficial things.

this largely works in my favor though in most situations so I can't complain about being held in high regard. I just hope I don't disappoint people :afr


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

like OMG totally. its so hard being beautiful. and a woman. every day is a struggle.

lol yeah everyone has various stereotypes to combat. except the people that don't. who are they? how can i be them? probably they're just in serious relationships so they don't need to date. lets do that. stay. work out our problems together. be less fickle. settle down. thats the plan.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

calichick said:


> And END thread.


I agree.


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