# Getting through depression alone



## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

So pretty much, I'm wondering how to get through depression alone. 

I'm 18 and if anyone's read my previous threads, i am a total loner, as in have no friends, as in going through uni by myself. I used to have a whole group of friends in high school but since starting uni we drifted apart and now i'm alone and they have all of their friends. Anyway, lately i've just been so miserable. ie; crying everynight, the urge to self harm, depressing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, social anxiety, oversleeping, overeating to try and numb the pain and emptiness (i soon got addicted to chocolate cause it released endorphins, the only thing that gave me some sort of happiness), nothing makes me happy anymore, the total lack of motivation to do ANYTHING. It takes me so much effort just to get out of bed every morning. But even worst, it makes it hard for me to study and it's affecting my grades. I was a straight A high school student, but i bombed the exam last week and only got a credit for one of them. I find it so hard to study or do assignments, i just feel like crying and going to sleep and i hate to say it, but just taking a bottle of sleeping pills and never waking up. 

I studied depression in high school before, I did a few reports and i fear i have neurotic depression or dysthymia. But now i don't know what to do. I saw a counsellor but she just made me feel worst, by the end of the session she looked like she was about to cry and said 'i'm so sorry for you, but i don't know what to do'. It was a lot of help. :roll My parents know but can't help. Dad just keeps on telling me to "go out, hang with your friends". Well to say the least i would if i had any, and that just makes me feel worst. My sister believes that 'i just need to stop thinking about it, you don't need friends just study' kind of thing. That doesn't help either. 

Basically, i don't know what to do. I can't turn to my family and i have no friends to support me. I'm completely alone. It's painful everymorning to go to university and get through all of it, cause everyone around me's so happy and they're all partying and enjoying the university life, and i just want to sleep forever and never wake up. I guess this is what woke me up, the fact that if i had accessed to drugs, i would purposely overdose so i could escape it all. and these thoughts scare me. but i feel so utterly alone and don't know where to go or who to turn to. 

I have all these expectations placed upon me (from my family, cause everyone in our family has graduated from uni and are all successful) and i just bombed this exam due to my depression. How am i supposed to graduate and become successful? I really wanted to get into honours and everything! But at this stage, i don't know how i'm ever going to do that. 

Sigh I'm sorry for the long message but i just need advice. this depression is severely affecting my grades and i know it's cause i feel so alone and have no one to talk to (i have tried countless times to make friends and i've just given up, i'm sick of being rejected and it never works out). Anyway, i need these good grades to get into honours, i need to get rid of this depression NOW. Someone please help me.


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## Aiglenoir (Sep 4, 2013)

I don't know if it can make you feel better, but the exact same thing happens to me. I used to have a good friend and be top of the class, had to change schools, now I'm alone, unable to study and I feel like dying ... (I had created a thread here http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...nge-schools-because-of-social-anxiety-614554/) 
Obviously I don't have much advice to give, but now you know you're not the only one. I'm sure we can do it... If you want to chat, just PM me.


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## TheEngineeringKid (Aug 25, 2013)

*I known what you are going through.*

Same deal with me. I am also in college and deal with many of the issues you face.:afr


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## StNaive (Feb 21, 2013)

Most universities have free counseling services, that might be a really good option for you; I know they've helped me before, during some seriously rough times.


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## Bianca424 (Sep 5, 2013)

StNaive said:


> Most universities have free counseling services, that might be a really good option for you; I know they've helped me before, during some seriously rough times.


Yes, this is true. You can actually seek help from these people when you don't know where else to go. It's not ideal to cope with depression alone. You should, at least, have someone to talk to.

Relax Lydia ! I know you will get through from that situation.


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

Bianca424 said:


> Yes, this is true. You can actually seek help from these people when you don't know where else to go. It's not ideal to cope with depression alone. You should, at least, have someone to talk to.
> 
> Relax Lydia ! I know you will get through from that situation.


Thanks guys! It's nice to know that i'm not the only one. I have seen a counsellor before, as i mentioned. It's not an option. The counsellor almost burst into tears by the end of the session and said "i don't know how to help you". Pretty helpful right? I have seen others and it's been more or less the same thing. Pity stares, sympathetic looks etc. But none of them are helpful at her, and instead of feeling lighter and better after leaving, i usually leave feeling heavier and crappier about myself. So i've made the right decision to never do counselling again haha i do wish that i had a friend to confined in, like in high school.

So if you guys are going through this, how do you do it, without letting all this **** interfere with your studies? Thats my greatest concern.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

See a doctor immediately. What you're describing is fairly advanced Major Depression. I went through the same thing and treatment helped immensely. Help is there, there's no shame in seeking it.

Don't be embarrassed to talk to a GP, they treat depression every day. I'd go alone, if you can, as involving parents might just complicate things further for you. You're 18 now, and are entitled to take complete control of your health.

Early intervention is really beneficial, so don't delay. I put off seeking help until my mid 20's by which time so many life opportunities had passed me by. Don't make the same mistake.

Good luck


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## ingenious53 (May 27, 2011)

Do you believe in Jesus Christ by any chance? Reading and meditating on the bible has helped to calm my depression down.


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

I know I have depression. I don't think it's clinical, major depression though as there are some days when i feel okay (eg; my nephew's birthday and being with the family). But i just can't take it anymore. lately i've found myself drowning myself in Sylvia Plath's poetry cause i feel like she's the only one i can relate to, and she's dead. 

I have thought about seeking help. but it would complicate things. I dunno what to say. I have terrible social anxiety and can't imagine myself just making an appointment and going to speak to a Doctor. I dunno. lately i've just been trying to not think about it, fight through it, but i guess that's not a good solution huh? I guess for now i'm just counting down the days till uni ends and hope il feel better after. 

no i don't believe in God. I used to. Then i discovered that god is a man made super human being created out of desperation, sorrow and hope. To give people hope. Just my opinion entirely. I do wish i was religious, cause i was much happier believing that no matter how **** im feeling, someone in this world cares about me and there's a better life.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

There are many paths to strength, and I only know the road of thorns. I couldn't tell you what the others are, I don't know them. Pain is my virtue and fire is my will.

But I do know that there is strength within each of us. Conquering the self starts with looking inside.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

LydiaC said:


> I know I have depression. I don't think it's clinical, major depression though as there are some days when i feel okay


"Major Depression" (or Clinical Depression) is just the official title doctors use for Depression, I guess to distinguish it from the normal sadness that everyone feels from time to time. It's not so much a question of scale.

The word major doesn't mean that only the most extreme cases are "real" depression and worthy of treatment. Everybody is slightly different, it doesn't mean that what you're experiencing is less worthy of treatment at all, quite the contrary.

If it's having a detrimental effect on your life (which it sounds like it is), and preventing you from doing the things you would like to do, then it is serious enough to be worthy of treatment.

It's also a normal characteristic of depression to have some days that are better than others (often due to specific events, as you said), but if it is a consistent, reoccurring feature of your life these days (which it certainly sounds like it is) than it is a problem that needs to be addressed. It sounds like you have been feeling this way most of the time for more than just a week or two, which is one of the markers of serious depression, rather than just a general, "normal" sadness.

_"crying every night, the urge to self harm, depressing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, social anxiety, oversleeping, overeating to try and numb the pain and emptiness nothing makes me happy anymore, the total lack of motivation to do ANYTHING. It takes me so much effort just to get out of bed every morning. But even worst, it makes it hard for me to study and it's affecting my grades."_

These are all very serious signs of Depression (let's just stick with that term for now). They really should not be taken lightly. Loss of enjoyment in the things that normally would make you happy is a classic symptom, for example. The symptoms you describe are very similar to what I was experiencing before I finally went and asked a doctor for help and was given a diagnosis by a psychiatrist.

I hate to sound like I'm berating you, but I'd be careful not to let your perfectly understandable fear of seeing a doctor convince you that you aren't worthy of treatment, or that your problems aren't serious enough. They clearly are.

Before I sought treatment I told myself exactly the same things:_ "My problems are not as bad as people who really need treatment, I'm just being week. Everybody else can handle things much more severe, it's just because I'm useless that I cant sort this out by myself. If I try and seek treatment it will just be embarrassing. I won't be taken seriously"_

It turned out I was wrong to think those things. That was just my anxiety speaking. The health professionals I ended up seeing were very helpful and understanding.



> I have thought about seeking help. but it would complicate things. I dunno what to say. I have terrible social anxiety and can't imagine myself just making an appointment and going to speak to a Doctor.


Again, I felt exactly the same way before I finally made an appointment, which is why I put off seeking help for so long (sadly). Afterwards, the only regret I had about making the appointment is not having done it *years *sooner.

Depression is one of the most common things that doctors treat these days. When I went in to my first appointment I had no idea what I was going to say. I couldn't even really make eye contact with the doctor. I just shuffled in and mumbled something like _"I've been really depressed."_ 
Luckily the doctor knew exactly what questions to ask to draw information out of me. He was very understanding and sympathetic.
Afterwards I felt such an overwhelming feeling of relief that I'd done it and someone was taking me seriously and was going to help.

So I'd really urge you to consider seeking help.

Look at it this way: If you had blood gushing out from a deep wound in you leg, for example, nobody would think it at all strange that you would seek medical help. In fact, if you turned up at college or work with such a wound and tried to carry on working/studying people would be shocked. They'd probably say _"What on earth are you doing here? You should be at a hospital or something. Go and get that seen to!"_

Mental health problems are just as legitimate and worthy of treatment as any other physical problems. Sure, your depression is less visible from the outside than a wound like that, but it is just as real. You are really bleeding. You're perfectly entitled to seek the help that is out there. 
Mental health problems are a normal part of being human. It doesn't mean you're a freak, in fact it means your perfectly a normal human (even if you might not feel like it a lot of the time ).


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

^ That's really good advice. Do that.


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> "Major Depression" (or Clinical Depression) is just the official title doctors use for Depression, I guess to distinguish it from the normal sadness that everyone feels from time to time. It's not so much a question of scale.
> 
> The word major doesn't mean that only the most extreme cases are "real" depression and worthy of treatment. Everybody is slightly different, it doesn't mean that what you're experiencing is less worthy of treatment at all, quite the contrary.
> 
> ...


I may and part of me knows that i should but besides all the hassel and embarrassment and stress with my family finding out, (i had depression before and it caused so much stress within the family and frustration and anger and conflict) i know that they'll just get me to see counselling, which doesn't help. or put me on drugs. which i don't want. but then i see no other alternative.


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## zeflyguy (Sep 25, 2013)

I'm basically in the same boat. Studying is impossible for me at this point. I want to drop out and go home. I want to get a psychiatrist, too.

I'm too afraid to tell anyone this, though, because of my social anxiety. It's a real *****. I figure I'll break at some point and finally call my parents and tell them that I can't take it anymore.

The call will be the hardest. I feel like I'm going to let down my parents, my friends, my pupils, and myself. I know that's bull****, though. My life is about me. I should focus on what I want and need, which is hard as ****. My social anxiety makes me super self-conscious, like it does with many others.

Mostly venting here. Just wanted to give my 2 cents


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

zeflyguy said:


> I'm basically in the same boat. Studying is impossible for me at this point. I want to drop out and go home. I want to get a psychiatrist, too.
> 
> I'm too afraid to tell anyone this, though, because of my social anxiety. It's a real *****. I figure I'll break at some point and finally call my parents and tell them that I can't take it anymore.
> 
> ...


I think you should tell them, as hypocritical as it sounds coming from me. but it sounds like you actually have people to turn to, friends and family members. so turn to them. i hate social anxiety. lately im convinced that im just such an unlikeable person, since i've spent the majority of my tutorials being the only one sitting by themselves. am i really that bad people?


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## Thatguy55 (May 23, 2013)

LydiaC said:


> I think you should tell them, as hypocritical as it sounds coming from me. but it sounds like you actually have people to turn to, friends and family members. so turn to them. i hate social anxiety. lately im convinced that im just such an unlikeable person, since i've spent the majority of my tutorials being the only one sitting by themselves. am i really that bad people?


You're not a bad person for sitting on your own. Doing something that makes you comfortable, and isn't harming other people is not something that can make you a bad person. People may think that but how do you know that they're thinking that? Because of that look in their eyes? No. That's dumb evidence and it's not enough evidence, you can only tell if people dislike you if they flat out tell you they hate you or you're a mind reader.

Sitting by yourself isn't the most productive thing you can do with yourself though, it's counter productive and it's turning people away from you because they might see it as being anti social rather than just plain shyness or SA. Doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you though.


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## findingme (Aug 27, 2013)

LydiaC said:


> I think you should tell them, as hypocritical as it sounds coming from me. but it sounds like you actually have people to turn to, friends and family members. so turn to them. i hate social anxiety. lately im convinced that im just such an unlikeable person, since i've spent the majority of my tutorials being the only one sitting by themselves. am i really that bad people?


Hey,

I don't know if this applies to you, but for me, in my final year in university, I decided to put myself out there and know more people. Previously I would just sit alone in class, preferably in some corner or at the back, away from people. I think I probably managed to give off the back-off-from-me feeling In my third year, I would choose to sit beside people, and make a conscious effort to give off the vibe that i want to make friends/ I am open to speaking to you/ I am willing to help you (Give off smiles, or at least look pleasant). Body language helps. Don't cross your arms or give off a black face. The easiest way to start talking to people is to talk about the work being taught in that class. Ask them questions, clarify doubts you have with what is being taught with them. A good timing to speak to the people beside you is during breaks in class. Sure, there'll be people who will not continue the conversation or express interest in you. But there'll be people who will too. You just have to keep trying. You're not a creep anyway. Nobody can judge you for being friendly or for asking for help on class work. You're just a fellow university student I'm sure most people wouldn't mind adding to their contact list!

When you are anxious, you become so self-conscious and closed up, and you are afraid of people coming to talk to you. People can sense the don't-talk-to-me body language you have a s a result. Why not try to see class in a more relaxed manner. Don't think of it as a place where you are seen being alone, but think of it as a place where you go through homework and learn from your mistakes. That would really make you feel much better in class. Focus on the true purpose of being in class instead of the social aspect of it.

Whether you are sitting alone or not does NOT translate into you being likable or not. There are people sitting with a bunch of friends in class and they may be *****ing about others. Are these people likable? You are alone, but that doesn't mean you are any less likable. Everyone has their positive and negative traits. There are people who PREFER to sit alone too, and it really makes sense because going to tutorial with friends can be a pain in the arse as they can keep going on and on about themselves when all you want is to focus on what the teacher is saying. Look at the positive traits of yourself (there is never none. Are you a listener? A sensitive and caring person?) instead of blowing up the negative ones and using that to judge yourself as a person. Also, don't judge yourself based on your social success. The only person you ever really need to account to in your life is yourself and the people you really care about in your life, and for myself I live by my religion's principles too.

I also have my my own battle of trying to stay positive and hopeful everyday. I think you should join in too  Things will get better, start first by changing the way we think and seeing delight in every single thing in life. I'm also learning to take life less seriously and lighten up


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

Thatguy55 said:


> You're not a bad person for sitting on your own. Doing something that makes you comfortable, and isn't harming other people is not something that can make you a bad person. People may think that but how do you know that they're thinking that? Because of that look in their eyes? No. That's dumb evidence and it's not enough evidence, you can only tell if people dislike you if they flat out tell you they hate you or you're a mind reader.
> 
> Sitting by yourself isn't the most productive thing you can do with yourself though, it's counter productive and it's turning people away from you because they might see it as being anti social rather than just plain shyness or SA. Doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you though.


Well Id love to sit with other people but i'm pretty sure no one wants to sit next to me :| And the semester is almost over il just attract too much attention if i suddenly sit with a group of people, i'm worried they'll be pissed off at me if i do, like that seat may be saved for their friend or something and i took it....


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

Cerberus said:


> I have the same problem. It's making it really difficult to study. This isolation is causing a breakdown in my sense of reality. My sense of time is all out of whack.


YES I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE TO THIS POST! That's what i've been going through. my days have become a blur of sleeping and eating and internet, such a struggle to study haha

@FindingMe

Yes i've been trying to do that. stay positive, fight it every day, day after day i've just been fighting it. i try to smile at people. but it's hard when i feel myself breaking down inside. but i've been trying.


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## Orior (Oct 7, 2013)

I just wanted to say that at 18 I went through something similar. In high school I didn't even know what Social Anxiety was, I had a great group of friends, a girlfriend, I played rugby, I used to party all the time (I loved being the centre of attention). After I started university I just completely imploded. I made friends initially but I soon lost interest in everything, shut my Facebook down, split with my girlfriend, disconnected from life in general and just sat in my room brooding all day. Eventually I just dropped out, and after a year of regret and doing not much, I rejoined.
I'm in my second year now and I still have no one I would call a friend (I still go to lectures and seminars alone), all I'm really focused on now is life beyond university. Focus on what you want after you graduate - there is so much more life to live afterwards. Your not a "failure" just because you're not having a great time at uni, the whole "university are the best days of your life" is a load of spiel, it's not true, plenty of people just grit their teeth and bear university to get the piece of paper at the end of it - there are people in the same position as you. Just please don't quit until you have really given it a go, or you'll be like me and have the pleasure of watching all your old friends graduate and move onto to "adult" jobs - really not a great confidence booster.

Just hang in there, I'm sure you will eventually find some friends or at least acquaintances to make life a bit more bearable, but if not, it does get easier - try not to get hung up on what a small group of people are or aren't doing.


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## LydiaC (Jul 10, 2013)

The thing is though, it would be easier to just focus, put my head down and do the work, get through this alone if i wasn't constantly reminded by my siblings about how 'jealous they are' that im going to uni cause it was the best years of their life and all the parties and fun they had at uni, or my old high school friends who constantly go on about how amazing their uni friends are and how uni is heaps better than high school and they're loving it. and i kind of smile and pretend it's the same for me even though i'm dying inside. sure i could probably take the depression and get through this but it's the constant reminder by others of what i'm going through and others don't have to that really kills me. and the constant pretending of a great time i'm having when i'm not. especially by my parents or work colleges, who i have to pretend to that i do have heaps of friends or stuff and plans that im dong so i dont seem like such a pathetic loser.


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## Jessycat (Sep 26, 2013)

LydiaC said:


> Well Id love to sit with other people but i'm pretty sure no one wants to sit next to me :| And the semester is almost over il just attract too much attention if i suddenly sit with a group of people, i'm worried they'll be pissed off at me if i do, like that seat may be saved for their friend or something and i took it....


Hey... If you've seen any of my other posts you'll know how much I'm hating uni too. In fact, I made this account specifically because of my hate for uni XD

I know that sometimes it can make you feel better to know that others are in a similar situation, even though it doesn't feel like it because at uni every other person appears to have their fantastic group of friends.

Maybe counselling didn't work out for you, but unis tend to have people you can ring and talk to about your problems, and they give you advice, even if you just want to rant about it all. I think it's called Nightline here. So if you don't feel you have your family to talk to, or friends, there's that.

If you're honestly depressed, you can get help from a doctor. You might as well try, it's confidential. The point is, you don't have to go through depression alone.

I understand how you're feeling, I can't wait to sleep at night and dread getting up in the morning, basically, I'm counting down the days until the holidays.

You can totally sit with people though, in lectures. Just sit down and say "hi" and then anything else you can think of, or just leave it at that. But then that gives you the opportunity to go on and say hi next time and builds familiarity. I think it'd be harder to do that sort of thing at lunch, I still haven't figured out what to do then :roll

The annoying thing is, it does affect grades. If you're feeling down the last thing you want to do is work which is funny because if you have no friends you'd think you'd at least be able to get work done in all that time you're alone... but no.

I don't know if you said about joining societies/ groups, but that's a good way to socialise and get out, even if you don't make friends.

I think one of the hardest things is seeing all my friends having the best time, and everyone else here, and having these huge expectations of how uni would be.

Other than the societies, I don't really have any advice, because I'm in the same situation myself. Just thought it might be a bit of a comfort to you.


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## Love4Lyricism (Oct 22, 2013)

Severe Social Anxiety
Depression
_________________

If you simply long for a more social lifestyle; try meeting up with someone on this site who you can relate to.

You could try a Skype group.

Find something to look forward to other than poetry.

Find something you can take pride in.


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## Eazi (Mar 27, 2013)

*cough smoke some weed


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