# How do you get a Girlfriend Seriously?



## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

Like you know what’s Protocol here to accomplish such a Nerve wrecking task? Is there like word or a phrase that I must say in order to even have a shot? 

I have Selective Mutism I cannot even look at a girl eye to eye without getting anxiety, is there even a slight chance of hope for me?


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Chances are you will need to build up to this. You will need to expose yourself to women in general in order to become comfortable with them. You will also need to work on your confidence and self-image. Otherwise, I'd say it would be tough, as well as a potentially devestating relationship. Don't just say "I want a girlfriend right now," you need to take it slow and work on some of this stuff first. 

That, of course, is only my opinion from my experiences.


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## Blanck (Apr 16, 2012)

Hmmm have you considered dating sites?

You would be able to build an emotional relationship with someone before seeing them in person. Even if you aren't up for the task of meeting them, you would gain a better understanding of how people interact in the first stages of a relationship. Flirting 101.


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## garycoleman (Feb 9, 2012)

Forget online dating sites. They have been the source of a lot of grief for people. Get hooked up with girls through friends or relatives if you can't approach a random girl. Usually they know if you are compatible with the girl when they set you up.

To keep a girl, that's another topic.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

First you have to find someone you genuinely like. There are plenty of pretty girls around, but attractiveness alone is a _terrible_ reason to pursue someone. You have to find female friends first so you're more comfortable around women. Don't expect anything from them because they won't give you it - just be friends with them and be happy with that. Once you get more comfortable interacting with the opposite sex you can start talking to the girls you encounter and possibly ask them out. Even if you make it to this point I wouldn't expect it to develop into anything - just enjoy it and try to have as much fun as you can. People date for _years_ with multiple different people before they actually find someone they can form a relationship with.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

ManOnTheMOON said:


> If you workout and get big the girls will come to you. lol I learned this as I watched by buff friends get approached by girls all the time when we went out. You don't even have to talk that much, as long as youre nice youre good.


Well if he's looking for relationship material he wouldn't want girls that only pursue buff guys .


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## garycoleman (Feb 9, 2012)

ManOnTheMOON said:


> If you workout and get big the girls will come to you. lol I learned this as I watched by buff friends get approached by girls all the time when we went out. You don't even have to talk that much, as long as youre nice youre good.


I sensed my last ex-g/f was not that that attracted to me because I was out of shape and had a slight belly since I didn't work out.

Before meeting my current g/f, I have been working out so I lost weight and toned up my muscles. I am not buff and still work out 3-4 times a week. She loves to feel all over my body like my arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, and thighs. Working about also helped me gain some self confidence.

Since a lot of us here, including me have SA which give us a hard time of finding a g/f, having a fit body will give you the looks and help you be confident to get girls. Think about it, if you were a girl, would you want to date some lazy over weight slob who doesn't have confidence?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Of course there is hope for you.

Really, all you have to do is approach the girl you want to approach; start a conversation; ask for date or number. Once you get her number or date then just keep dating her. It really is that simple.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Isolated Silence said:


> Like you know what's Protocol here to accomplish such a Nerve wrecking task? Is there like word or a phrase that I must say in order to even have a shot?
> 
> I have Selective Mutism I cannot even look at a girl eye to eye without getting anxiety, is there even a slight chance of hope for me?


Can you talk to guys? Do you have male friends?


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## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Dude, Plenty of Fish is free. Tons of chicks on there. The trick is, don't try to get to know the chick on the site through messaging. Waste of time. Get the basics, and then ask her out. A bar is best. Especially one within walking distance to a mall or outlet. Plenty to see and talk about. Get a couple beers, boost confidence, and then be yourself.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

I think answering this question could fill up a lot of books. If you wanna be successful at something, I think a good way of learning "how" is to find someone who's successful at it and learning from what they do. I would take a look at the person who I think has a great life and see how they handle things.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

bwidger85 said:


> Of course there is hope for you.
> 
> Really, all you have to do is approach the girl you want to approach; start a conversation; ask for date or number. Once you get her number or date then just keep dating her. It really is that simple.


And pigs will fly :yes


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

You have to have traits that some of us don't have, or do not allow to show. For example, you need to have an interesting personality, and show it. Mine is not that interesting, but I hide it anyway, so it's difficult for others to understand me and therefore even have an interest in me.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Can you talk to guys? Do you have male friends?


No..... i got no Friends, always been an outcast.

Yes i can talk to some guys to some degree, as long as there not the "out-going type"


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

bucklti said:


> Dude, Plenty of Fish is free. Tons of chicks on there. The trick is, don't try to get to know the chick on the site through messaging. Waste of time. Get the basics, and then ask her out. A bar is best. Especially one within walking distance to a mall or outlet. Plenty to see and talk about. Get a couple beers, boost confidence, and then be yourself.


Plenty of Fish in sea, HA!!!! i disagree on that Comrade, but you know
thank for the advice in all. BARS!!!!!!! hell no!!!!!!! i'm Rebellious against all those places, Meds is what i need!!! and to be experimented on in a Lab.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

It seems that getting one is not the only issue, it's keeping one and building a truly strong relationship on the right foundations that is the hardest part. But heck, with the way people are these days, it seems it's hard for us to even maintain friendships well 100% of the time. 

I've realised it's probably just me, but anyway there are my thoughts on the matter. We all yearn to be close to others.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

Blanck said:


> Hmmm have you considered dating sites?
> 
> You would be able to build an emotional relationship with someone before seeing them in person. Even if you aren't up for the task of meeting them, you would gain a better understanding of how people interact in the first stages of a relationship. Flirting 101.


Dating Sites will never work for me ether. I'd be a disapointment to the girl if we where to ever meet in person.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

Nidhoggr said:


> It seems that getting one is not the only issue, it's keeping one and building a truly strong relationship on the right foundations that is the hardest part. But heck, with the way people are these days, it seems it's hard for us to even maintain friendships well 100% of the time.
> 
> I've realised it's probably just me, but anyway there are my thoughts on the matter. We all yearn to be close to others.


But if that's true that you must be your self In life to at lest be happy?
Even thou I'm always depressed and enraged shoulden't I just Embrace the Inevitable.


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I have no idea how people hookup and date.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

Ckg2011 said:


> I have no idea how people hookup and date.


Me ether&#8230;&#8230; "IF" it ever happens in this lifetime. It'll be such a glorious day for me.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Isolated Silence said:


> Dating Sites will never work for me ether. I'd be a disapointment to the girl if we where to ever meet in person.


don't pre-reject yourself. i met my first gf on plenty of fish.

i used to work with a really pretty girl who has never had a bf. she wont try internet dating either. i think thats kind of sad.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

I don't know, but I can give you advice on how to a get a girlfriend jokingly.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

andy1984 said:


> don't pre-reject yourself. i met my first gf on plenty of fish.
> 
> i used to work with a really pretty girl who has never had a bf. she wont try internet dating either. i think thats kind of sad.


Trust me on this there aren't plenty of fish out there for everyone, sadly I'm one of the few that must remain in the shadows, in other words remain Unseen. I'll never ask a girl out I can never do that it's just impossible, I don't like the thought of rejection. It's ether some girl asks me out or someone sets me up with one, but don't know anybody (got no friends) so option two is impossible as well.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

the easiest ways are to either be very attractive or have lots of money

women love money more than they do men/sex


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

And if you don’t have any of those your screwed, if only I can teach my self to stop caring, little hard when I "see" thing's during the day on TV, mall etc, of all the luck.


Life isn't fair, really it isn't.


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> the easiest ways are to either be very attractive or have lots of money
> 
> women love money more than they do men/sex





Isolated Silence said:


> And if you don't have any of those your screwed, if only I can teach my self to stop caring, little hard when I "see" thing's during the day on TV, mall etc, of all the luck.
> 
> Life isn't fair, really it isn't.


 Then why do I see lovely ladies with broke *** guys who look like they are not that far removed from sasquatch?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Isolated Silence said:


> Trust me on this there aren't plenty of fish out there for everyone, sadly I'm one of the few that must remain in the shadows, in other words remain Unseen. I'll never ask a girl out I can never do that it's just impossible, I don't like the thought of rejection. It's ether some girl asks me out or someone sets me up with one, but don't know anybody (got no friends) so option two is impossible as well.


i dare you to go on PoF right now and ask a random girl out. she'll say no. you wont feel bad.


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## Isolated Silence (Apr 16, 2012)

andy1984 said:


> i dare you to go on PoF right now and ask a random girl out. she'll say no. you wont feel bad.


I don't think it'll work out&#8230; your missing the point here! I got Selective Mutism, I've had it so long that I can't get rid of it, I'm inborn/condemned with it and Alcohol doesn't even help me on this ether. Now how is some girl going to accept that, Online dating or what not?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think before you worry about getting a girlfriend you need to work on your social skills. You don't need to be outgoing but will need some social skills to function in society and some friends so you don't go nuts with loneliness.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Isolated Silence said:


> I don't think it'll work out&#8230; your missing the point here! I got Selective Mutism, I've had it so long that I can't get rid of it, I'm inborn/condemned with it and Alcohol doesn't even help me on this ether. Now how is some girl going to accept that, Online dating or what not?


i just went to my 50th meetup with an anxiety group. i sat there and listened to everyone else talk for most of the night, like i do at pretty much every other meetup (even though i've been to more of these meetups than almost all of the others).

but i met my gf at one such meetup. i didn't talk to her. i emailed her after. then the next meetup she was at i didn't talk to her untill after because we were walking in the same direction. then i emailed her some more and eventually asked her out. we've been together for about 4 months.

sometimes we both go to meetups and we don't talk much except to each other and often not even to each other while we're still around other people. when its just the 2 of us i talk much more than i would with anyone else. i do run out of stuff to talk about after a bit, but it doesn't matter.

anyway, i'm just saying its not hopeless and there are girls out there in the same position as you are. i've dated a girl with pretty bad panic disorder, one who had chronic pain issues, one who had only one friend, 2 transexuals, and even one or two 'normal' girls all who i met from online dating sites - the normal ones were the least good! sure i was rejected 1000 times, stood up, lied to, etc. but that stuff isn't actually that bad.

someone out there needs you, so you'd better try to find her before its too late.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

Ckg2011 said:


> Then why do I see lovely ladies with broke *** guys who look like they are not that far removed from sasquatch?


there are always exceptions to rules my friend


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> there are always exceptions to rules my friend


 Yeah, the only rule with no exceptions is, _No girl's will ever like me. _


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Knowbody said:


> there are always exceptions to rules my friend


But if there is always an exception to the rule, then is there an exception to the rule that there are always exceptions to the rule?


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Witan said:


> But if there is always an exception to the rule, then is there an exception to the rule that there are always exceptions to the rule?


 Now I'm confused. :um


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

To start, you need to simply expose yourself to plenty of girls. No, that doesn't mean look online. All the things I've heard about online dating make it sound like an extremely competitive place for men.

Just go join a bunch of clubs in your city (or your university). I'd start with volunteer work... join a bunch of charity events. There should be plenty of girls there, and you'll have plenty of time to converse with them. Charity work itself is undemanding.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

sighsigh said:


> To start, you need to simply expose yourself to plenty of girls. No, that doesn't mean look online. All the things I've heard about online dating make it sound like an extremely competitive place for men.
> 
> Just go join a bunch of clubs in your city (or your university). I'd start with volunteer work... join a bunch of charity events. There should be plenty of girls there, and you'll have plenty of time to converse with them. Charity work itself is undemanding.


Great advice, I love it.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

Despite what others have said I would still recommend the internet and dating sites as a good starting point in overcoming your fears. You might be burned a few times but that's part of the learning process.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

Ckg2011 said:


> Yeah, the only rule with no exceptions is, _No girl's will ever like me. _


Do u realize that a woman is basically a man without a penis and enlarged breast?

they're overrated man, you're not missing anything, believe me.

Having good friends >>> Having a significant other


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## CK1708 (Mar 30, 2011)

Money, looks and been confident....the three musts for girls who are looking for a boyfriends.

Of course girls will say I am looking for a guy with a GSOH, that's rubbish girls aren't


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## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Knowbody said:


> Do u realize that a woman is basically a man without a penis and enlarged breast?
> 
> they're overrated man, you're not missing anything, believe me.
> 
> Having good friends >>> Having a significant other


Then this is one beautiful look man.










I'm just going to give up, I mean, I cannot approach a woman and even if I did I wouldn't no what to say. An the more I think about it, the more I am feeling scared to have sex and fear being laughed at and humiliated. :afr


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Knowbody said:


> Do u realize that a woman is basically a man without a penis and enlarged breast?





Ckg2011 said:


> Then this is one beautiful look man.











Mmm, I think I might just be gay with all these nice looking men out there....


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## Param0re (Apr 11, 2012)

there are no such fixed formula. it is always good to be yourself and keep your eyes & ears open. who knows! when & where! g'luck!


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## ChiefHuggingBear (Sep 10, 2011)

You haven't met someone that you care about, once you do just let nature take its course.


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