# long distance relationship anyone?



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Ok so I've been thinking about the merits of a long distance relationship. In the past I've always thought it would be too difficult. Yet all my attempts at finding someone nearby on dating sites have bombed. There's just no one like me here that I can find - well there was one, but thats finished :_|. Lol, but I'm sure theres someone much better out there. Plus theres many people on here that complain about never being able to get into a relationship, and I'm so understanding of that.

Pros

Hopefully easier to find like-minded people.
Understanding of SA and each-others situation.
Less anxiety online.
I guess they tend to build up over a longer period of time, which would make me much less anxious.

Cons

More effort needed for less reward - not meeting in person.
I tend to suck at talking on the net, people fade away - but I could put in more effort if I found myself motivated enough.
Could get false impressions.
Eventually travel costs if it ever got that far.

So I guess I'm looking for people to just chat with to begin with. Get to know someone over a couple of months and see what happens. So if your a single girl and would considering getting into a long distance relationship if it felt right then message me.

MSN: [email protected]
Yahoo: andy1984_2
Gmail: [email protected]
Skype: andy1984_2

Lol I'm not at all confident about this, given all the other 'be my SA g/f' threads that have been complete failures. But I guess its like all the dating sites I've left a profile on - maybe one day the right person will see it. Probably not, but maybe.


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

I'm 0-1 with my long distance relationship! The stress and everything was a little much for me, wondering what said person was doing when she went out, etc etc. Plus the fact that she lived in Florida and i live in NY didn't help. Some women can't be trusted at all tho, especially ones who drink alcohol and don't have SA. I don't think i'd ever attempt a relationship with a female from these boards, what if something bad happens then it compromises either of your posting Andy? It'd be good to get to know somebody tho from here and then build up a relationship and eventually meet, but most of the peeps here seem like the " I NEED SOMEBODY RIGHT NOW" type! Like, chat for two days then want to set up a meeting! The girl i talked to we talked for like a year, year and a half before even considering meeting.

But i wish you luck on your travels sire! Try not to break any hearts, heart break kid!


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Also just wondering has anybody from here actually hooked up? besides Becky and Thunder? I'm not even sure if they met through here or not actually.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

I don't know for some reason I don't see long distance relationships working out? usually people go the distance and then end up with someone in their area- I guess the odds are better. However, I do know this one guy who lives here in Canada, started online dating with some woman in the US and now they're married and have a kid. Maybe if finding a significant other is really important to you you could actively pursue it from home and online. Do both, date the locals and date online. Just let who you're seeing/ chatting with know that they're not the only one you're seeing/ chatting with. :stu


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

SilentProphet said:


> what if something bad happens then it compromises either of your posting Andy?


Thats a chance I'm willing to take. I don't know what kind of bad things could happen really, beyond me or someone else feeling hurt/rejected... and thats something you just have to deal with.



gwen said:


> I don't know for some reason I don't see long distance relationships working out? usually people go the distance and then end up with someone in their area- I guess the odds are better.


Yeah I don't really see it working out either, but theres a tiny chance that it could - and at least it could be something for a while. If there were people that I thought I could date locally I would, but there are none. SA always gets in the way if I see a person I'm attracted to. I'm going to university for 3 years now, so hopefully I'll be around some of the same people for a long time, that might make things easier. But I still think its something I'm willing to pursue if someone else was interested. It would take a long time for me to trust someone from online enough to actually meet up - a really long time. And the odds of either them or me finding someone closer in that time are probably kinda high - I wouldn't want to try this with a non-SAer.


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

It takes effort but a few of them do work. If the person is worth it, I'll do it. We work hard for school, for other things we greatly desire... why not love?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Thanks Brax, I think thats a good way to look at it. Still no takers though...


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## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

LOL no takers cause you are crying all the time man  Look at you! you can easily get any girl. Man up and stop with the emo Bs!


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

I think you are over reacting. I mean, you are good looking dude. You just have to find a way to get noticed. Get involved in public activities. Get exposure to social environments, and little by little the anxiety won't take over your whole personality. You just have to have high motivation in improving yourself. "where there is a will, there is a way."

If an obese person looks at himself everyday at the mirror and wishes the fat away, that aint going to solve the problem. You can get a liposuction, exercise, or eat healthier. If you have Social anxiety and you are dying to talk to people, to get friends, then you can attend to a CBT, See a Phychologist/Councelur, or take Medecine. It takes time, and ALOT of patience. Harsh but true. And it isnt easy to just suddenly feel motivated to fix everything right. At times our negative feelings overwhelm us preventing us from doing the most simple thing. There is always a solution for everything.

Most likely whats preventing you from going into the dating scene is anxiety. So in the meantime, why not reduce the amount of anxiety to a moderate level where you can feel comfortable talking to other people. Most relationships develop from acquantances at work or your common everyday places. 

I dont trust online relationships. If you are looking foward to having one here, dont get your hopes up. It is more likely you'd find someone in real life. As I wrote in some other post, us having SA tend to be more judgemental. We always look to the perfect friend or perfect match who could 100% understand us and confort us, that we often reject simple friendships.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

SilentProphet said:


> LOL no takers cause you are crying all the time man  Look at you! you can easily get any girl. Man up and stop with the emo Bs!





Auron said:


> I think you are over reacting. I mean, you are good looking dude. You just have to find a way to get noticed. Get involved in public activities. Get exposure to social environments, and little by little the anxiety won't take over your whole personality. You just have to have high motivation in improving yourself. "where there is a will, there is a way."
> 
> If an obese person looks at himself everyday at the mirror and wishes the fat away, that aint going to solve the problem. You can get a liposuction, exercise, or eat healthier. If you have Social anxiety and you are dying to talk to people, to get friends, then you can attend to a CBT, See a Phychologist/Councelur, or take Medecine. It takes time, and ALOT of patience. Harsh but true. And it isnt easy to just suddenly feel motivated to fix everything right. At times our negative feelings overwhelm us preventing us from doing the most simple thing. There is always a solution for everything.
> 
> ...


*disclaimer, I'm a little pissed off*

Before I read this today I was thinking 'am I an emo?'. I decided that I f*cking well am. Man up? Thats such f*cked advice. I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't have these problems. I'm doing what I can. Maybe you can't see what it could be like from my position. Yes, I'm dying to talk to people. I'm seeing a counselor, I'm doing what little exposure stuff I think I can handle. Today I ate out in a f*cking crowded food court in a mall. I went to a movie. All alone, cause I have no one. One friend that can't help me and no acquaintances. I have a weekend job, I'm going to university in 2 weeks. Not cause I need money, not cause I want to learn stuff, but to meet people. My life is 100% about overcoming SA.

I was trying to reach out to someone, I don't want a f*cking lecture about how this isn't gonna work.

[/rant]

Ok but still no takers...


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## oceanchief (Jan 6, 2007)

Andy, if you really were emo you would have cried emo tears and not got angry.

P.s. Emo tears are to an emo what urinating is to us 'normal' folk.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Oh frig the "emo" foolishness. I certainly get what you're saying.

And maybe we are all too shy to bite :hide :b


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

isnt emo a muppet??? how does crying relate to a muppet? that little guy is always joyful


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## Gabriellabos (Jun 26, 2007)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*



Gumaro said:


> isnt emo a muppet??? how does crying relate to a muppet? that little guy is always joyful


You're thinking of Elmo, lol, emo is short for "emotional"


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*



Gabriellabos said:


> Gumaro said:
> 
> 
> > isnt emo a muppet??? how does crying relate to a muppet? that little guy is always joyful
> ...


oh yea. oops :lol


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

andy1984 said:


> *disclaimer, I'm a little pissed off*
> 
> Before I read this today I was thinking 'am I an emo?'. I decided that I f*cking well am. Man up? Thats such f*cked advice. I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't have these problems. I'm doing what I can. Maybe you can't see what it could be like from my position. Yes, I'm dying to talk to people. I'm seeing a counselor, I'm doing what little exposure stuff I think I can handle. Today I ate out in a f*cking crowded food court in a mall. I went to a movie. All alone, cause I have no one. One friend that can't help me and no acquaintances. I have a weekend job, I'm going to university in 2 weeks. Not cause I need money, not cause I want to learn stuff, but to meet people. My life is 100% about overcoming SA.
> 
> ...


from your posts I can tell that you are definitely an achiever. I think you have a lot a courage when it comes to fighting SA- I think you kick SA A**. The toughest issue for you is probably this relationship one. I think you are a good looking guy- why don't girls come up to you? I mean I know some girls are shy, but a lot of them aren't. You said you had a ex-girlfriend- how did you get her? Maybe try the same approach? I think there are no takers because most are unconvinced that this long distance thing will work- especially since you live quite far. 
Maybe you're trying too hard to be in a relationship? You fight for everything, maybe this is one area where fighting is futile- you just have to let it happen to you. Or maybe you want a relationship because you feel like you should be in one- not because you really want one? I don't know- don't get mad :afr 
Maybe this one will happen when it needs to happen- maybe this one isn't about SA at all.


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

> *disclaimer, I'm a little pissed off*
> 
> Before I read this today I was thinking 'am I an emo?'. I decided that I f*cking well am. Man up? Thats such f*cked advice. I wouldn't be on this site if I didn't have these problems. I'm doing what I can. Maybe you can't see what it could be like from my position. Yes, I'm dying to talk to people. I'm seeing a counselor, I'm doing what little exposure stuff I think I can handle. Today I ate out in a f*cking crowded food court in a mall. I went to a movie. All alone, cause I have no one. One friend that can't help me and no acquaintances. I have a weekend job, I'm going to university in 2 weeks. Not cause I need money, not cause I want to learn stuff, but to meet people. My life is 100% about overcoming SA.
> 
> I was trying to reach out to someone, I don't want a f*cking lecture about how this isn't gonna work.


 :stu my apologies, sir. I guess I got off topic with my "ranting." You seem desperate into finding an online relationship, I speculated you werent really involved in social situations due to social anxiety, but i see you are already working on it. Good luck. :lol


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

gwen said:


> andy1984 said:
> 
> 
> > ...
> ...


Hehe I wont get mad :b. I got my last g/f off a dating site. I've been trying to find someone on dating sites for the last couple of months with no luck.

You're right, I give up.


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

andy1984 said:


> You're right, I give up.


 :lol

She's gonna be knocking down your door before you know it!


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

I don't think many girls with SA are going to be the ones to step up in this sort of situation. I think you're better off PMing a girl you are attracted to and building a friendship first. 

Just a warning, though, these kinds of relationships almost always lead to heartbreak due to the distance factor. 

and there's nothing wrong with emo.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

...


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

My apologies.

Just a warning though, from what I've seen most of these relationships end up in heartbreak due to the distance factor.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*



libbyberk83 said:


> I don't think many girls with SA are going to be the ones to step up in this sort of situation. I think you're better off PMing a girl you are attracted to and building a friendship first.
> 
> Just a warning, though, these kinds of relationships almost always lead to heartbreak due to the distance factor.
> 
> and there's nothing wrong with emo.


Lmao. PM coming your way Libby .


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*



andy1984 said:


> libbyberk83 said:
> 
> 
> > I don't think many girls with SA are going to be the ones to step up in this sort of situation. I think you're better off PMing a girl you are attracted to and building a friendship first.
> ...


 :yes The LDRs I've been in didn't work out, but I've heard of plenty that have. I vowed I wouldn't get into one again, but who knows if I'll be able to find someone where I live? Good luck mate.


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## Mayflower 2000 (Nov 11, 2003)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*

I had a long distance when I was like, 15ish. With someone from this board actually. I never met her, but it was still a really cool experience. I had a few local relationships before and those 'had more to them' in a sense, but I was never as crazy about a person as I was in the LDR. That was a unique time of the past though.



libbyberk83 said:


> I think you're better off PMing a girl you are attracted to and building a friendship first.


That's a good idea. Maybe I should try it sometime. :tiptoe


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## gwen (Feb 16, 2007)

*Re: re: long distance relationship anyone?*



libbyberk83 said:


> I don't think many girls with SA are going to be the ones to step up in this sort of situation. I think you're better off PMing a girl you are attracted to and building a friendship first.


Nice one Libby- SUBTLE!


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

For some reason I get the feeling that people are taking that the wrong way. :roll


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Yeah, sorry. I really was meaning just to be helpful, not set myself up. Feel free to poke fun, though. That's what I'm here for.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I'm a closet EMO then......hmmm. Andy I think you are going about this the right way. To get what you want you got to make it known what you want, right?


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

FairleighCalm said:


> I'm a closet EMO then......hmmm. Andy I think you are going about this the right way. To get what you want you got to make it known what you want, right?


Lol, yeah. Plus its been a pretty fun thread for me so far.


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## Andrew White (Aug 18, 2007)

I met someone onlnie once and we started a relationship, if you can call it that. It's hell and I would NEVER in a million billion years consider it ever again. If I ever started to feel that way about someone that far away again I would just stop the whole thing right there.

Maybe they work for some people, maaaaybe there is more chance here (SA land) as a lot of us seem to be in the same boat when it comes to contact with other people, but I would have to say they are best avoided, based on my own single experience of it. 

Maybe it was just me being an idiot. Just make sure you actually like the other person and aren't just liking the idea of there being another person.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Did you visit them often?

I got my long distance relationship now. Shes in NY. I might be visiting end of this year or next. See how things go. Shes great and I like her a lot. 

I guess I have problems with it being online, but I can get past that I think.


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