# Frustrated with college



## KAP (Jan 6, 2012)

A bit of background about me first. I've always suffered from pretty extreme social anxiety. I would get nauseous and have stomach cramps if I knew I had to read aloud or present in front of the class. I took 2 years off since high school grad because I wasn't prepared to deal with college yet.

Well, I'm now in my first year feeling kind of lost. I have no friends because my very few high school friends are now 3rd year while I'm still first year. That means I'm always alone in my classes with nobody to talk to. 

I've chosen mostly large lecture classes, because I have a crippling fear of mandatory class discussions or oral reports. I've already dropped 2 courses only after the first class because I knew they would include those in their content. One of those courses is mandatory for my degree, but I simply can't deal with it right now. Even in the first class I was already feeling extremely uncomfortable and on the verge of running out of the class (but then I'd just make a bigger fool of myself). We only had to read a very short statement aloud, and I was already feeling faint and extremely nervous. I have to complete this course by my second year, but I don't know how I will handle it. I feel like a coward because I'm taking the easy way out by picking courses that don't require me to speak. 

I just feel really depressed with college life so far. If I hadn't already disappointed my family by wasting 2 years, I would consider dropping out. I just don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it, and I don't want to waste money for a wasted experience. Especially one where the fear is disabling in some cases. Luckily, I have a pretty doable load to finish the rest of the year up (2 online courses and only large lectures where the professor speaks the whole class). But the thought of having to do oral presentations in the years to come is an ever looming fear in the back of my mind. I'm fine with casual conversations with other people, but when I'm forced to discuss about course content on the spot it feels like my mind freezes up. I stutter and get tongue tied, unable to form my thoughts into organized and intelligent sentences.

Thanks for listening to me. I don't really have anybody to talk with about my feelings, and it's great that I can do so anonymously here.


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

Thanks for sharing your story, KAP. I mumble and stutter too and eventually had to learn how to take time to speak slower (i.e. nervous hurried speak was sort of what caused my stammering speech).

Like you, I avoided classes that had too much public speaking. In other words, ended up in science and engineering. The forth year, I had to make speeches on projects to graduate, but by then it was brutally objective material and dry organized presentation points (as opposed to subjective fields where people can go on arguing in circles about what's essentially interpretation or pointless political debate). The classes where people are expected to openly publicly discuss political opinion or over-interpretation of arts really annoyed me and felt like a waste of time.


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## offbyone (May 5, 2010)

Its really hard to do what you are doing but I really advise you to stick with it. Soon enough you'll be out of the intro classes and with older classmates and won't feel so alienated. Take this opportunity to define yourself with something other than your SA.

I too struggled with speeches and even a speech class. I finally forced myself through one this last summer and it was a really positive thing for me. It was hard but It gave me confidence and practice fighting my SA.


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