# Meeting through personals?



## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

I want to hear from people who have gone out with someone or are currently in a relationship with a person they have met online.
Do you find it easier than meeting someone in real life? How did your first meeting go? would you do it again? 
Any feedback is appriciated.


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## James of Maine (Sep 8, 2005)

I met my wife online. She responded to a personal ad I had posted. We emailed back and forth for a couple of months... there were no "sparks" or anything there, but it was friendly. She was the one who took the initiative and finally just walked up and introduced herself to me, at the store where I worked at the time. We agreed on a date, and it went from there. We've been together for 7 years and married for the past 5. So I guess it worked for me! I can't _not_ recommend it. I don't think I ever would have met anyone if not for the miracle of the Internet! :nw


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## Babygirly (Dec 2, 2004)

I posted an ad on matchdoctor about 2...2 1/2 years ago.. I found the site by a link from someone here on SAS ..

I talked to a few guys on there, but nothing really "caught" my eye..

Then I was notifed I had new mail thought: "oh.. great.." <! sarcasm> and, just thought it was another dime-a-dozen lame-wad. Lol. But, no. This reply was much different, long and thoughtful. He put a lot into it, make personal comments towards what MY profile said.. I mailed him back and we knocked back and forth some looooooooong e-mails..

He never ASKED to see my photo, so he scored beaucoup points.. He did offer to send his, however, and i felt comfortable enough to send mine... we talked, gosh, about 2 months EVERYDAY thru email, then moved to the phone... it went GREAT. It was like talking to a long, lost friend..

We finally met up, and again, things were GREAT.. His first impression had me hooked. He was very funny, kind and all that jazz....

We were together almost a year and a half.

To make a short story long, I finally gathered enough nerve to leave him because he was still posting on personal ad sites <~ yes, that's plural.. it was like he was addicted or something.

Anyhow, I haven't had much of any luck, most of the men just weren't compatable with me. Really old, Or only wanting sex... Most just seem to be flakes. blah blah blah

Would I do it again? Umm, perhaps, tho only as an absolute last resort. . . I dont say that because of what he did, I was just never impressed by the selection (or lack there of) of the men online.

But, I would def. say it has helped me with going out/"dating" and all that, so it wasn't a TOTAL waste..


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Babygirly said:


> To make a short story long, I finally gathered enough nerve to leave him because he was still posting on personal ad sites <~ yes, that's plural.. it was like he was addicted or something.


So, he was like a personal dating site addict/expert? Wow.

I met Darrin through SAS, and he's the greatest guy in the world. I am SO lucky.

xoxo
Maggi


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Babygirly- wow, thats quite an adventure, even though you didnt stay together, I'm sure that was valuable experience. 

JamesofMaine- thats a great story, very sweet. 

Megs- I'm still amazed you found someone on this board that you have things in common with and plan on meeting, thats awesome :banana 

Thanks guys. 
The reason I'm asking is because I signed up at couple dating sites and even though have gotten some replies, I'm too scared to meet any of these guys.. theres still a lot of self esteem issues I must overcome, I feel like I will never be good enough for that person which makes me feel pretty worthless.


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## James of Maine (Sep 8, 2005)

Equisgurl said:


> Thanks guys.
> The reason I'm asking is because I signed up at couple dating sites and even though have gotten some replies, I'm too scared to meet any of these guys.. theres still a lot of self esteem issues I must overcome, I feel like I will never be good enough for that person which makes me feel pretty worthless.


Unfortunately there are a lot of real creeps and dishonest guys that use personal sites... I can't gloss over that fact. You just have to trust your instinct... if something doesn't 'feel right' about someone, that probably means something. Among other things, the truly 'right' guy will _never_ make you feel worthless, quite the opposite.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

jamesofmaine said:


> Unfortunately there are a lot of real creeps and dishonest guys that use personal sites... I can't gloss over that fact. I you just have to trust your instict... if something doesn't 'feel right' about someone, that probably means something. Among other things, the truly 'right' guy will _never_ make you feel worthless, quite the opposite.


 :agree completely. You'll know. It sounds cliched, but you really will.

xoxo
Maggi


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## Bon1 (Jan 17, 2005)

Thanks jamesofmaine for saying this. I have met a few people from the personals............Eons ago...............I married one, and this is NOT a good example.............A couple others, wonderful people, we stay in contact, , even the ex has one or two good points............

No one says you have to meet anyone right away, email back and forth, you can find out much about someone this way..........How do you know they're telling the truth, you don't, just as you wouldn't if you met someone in passing.............

Two things...............Always meet the person in public.............Watch for men (or women) that are on all dating sites, or, people that never seem to find the "one"............ Honestly, I feel the personals can become an addiction for some, they never give it up (gave it up) met one like this.............

Other than that.........Some people go to bars, some meet people at the park, at the laundrymat...........Whatever works for you.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

I've met or tried to meet girls from these sites for a few years now. Usually one phone call or one meeting was enough to confuse them with my SA, such that I never heard from them again. This year I ended up with a girlfriend for a few months before figuring out I made a bad choice. Shortly after I met someone else online who has became a good friend. We go somewhere almost every weekend. Neither of us are interested in each other as more than friends. That makes things a whole lot less complicated. She's meeting other people online and telling me about how things are going with respect to that and i'm doing the same. So hooray for me making a friend. :banana 

I ended up meeting someone else two weeks ago. Went to a movie with her chatted a little and that was that. Didn't hear from her again, figured it was time for bad luck after a good streak. Ended up talking to her again online and she invited me to a party. Which I was totally nervous about and not willing to accept. She was super nice about it, even after I tried explaining that I couldn't handle that kind of situation. I ended up accepting after she said she was shy too and never told anyone. We never ended up going because the day we were supposed to go she canceled due to some bizzare story about being harassed over the phone by some dating site she joined. Convinced her (or so I think) that we would maybe go somewhere else later. I asked that she call me if she wanted to later. She ended up calling and leaving a message saying sorry that she wasn't going to go anywhere with me that day. Haven't heard from her now in a week and the only way I can contact her is through yahoo messenger and she always uses invisible mode. So I don't even know when shes on and if shes avoiding me and why. A bit frustrated at the moment, I know very little about her and got super interested after she was telling me she was shy too and never told anyone. Usually people who don't want anything to do with you after meeting you online do something like this, totally disappearing. Trying to not let that get me down, going to NYC with my friend tomorrow and then meeting someone else on Sunday. That would make it four new people that I met online this year plus all the people (a good 10+ people) with social anxiety I met at meetings started on this message board. That's more than I meet in person without the internet. :um


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## Fireflylight (Sep 2, 2004)

I'm curious to know, did anyone here who put up a profile on a personals site put up their picture too? I did, but I'm still paranoid about people I know finding me there, etc. :hide


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## Bon1 (Jan 17, 2005)

I've done that.........So what, someone finds you there;-))) What are they there looking for;-)))


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Babygirly said:


> I posted an ad on matchdoctor about 2...2 1/2 years ago.. I found the site by a link from someone here on SAS ..
> 
> Then I was notifed I had new mail thought: "oh.. great.." <! sarcasm> and, just thought it was another dime-a-dozen lame-wad.


I have a profile there. It's been there for a few years now i think. Hopefully, i'm not one of the "dime-a-dozen lame-wad" you were talking about :hide :lol

I haven't been lucky so far though. The only people who write to me are girls from russia or the philippine who probably are spammers or only want their papers or whatever 
I did speak on the phone with one girl for a while, but it didn't go far beyond that. She was a bit too weird for my taste.

Overall, my experience wasn't very good with those sites.



> I'm curious to know, did anyone here who put up a profile on a personals site put up their picture too?


I did put up my picture, but like you, i'm a bit paranoid about it.
By putting a pic up you have more chance of people writing to you.


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## Planewalker (Feb 5, 2004)

I've been using a Croatian dating site actively for several months now. So far my experience has been positive. The male:female ratio on that site is 2:1 (which is good), and there aren't too many weirdos. I was once contacted by an older gay man, but even he was polite and knew what "no" meant. On that site I met lots of nice girls, and I've gone on coffee dates with three of them. Nothing more has developed from those, but that's only because I'm very inept when it comes to offline flirting.

I find it much easier to meet people online because of the search engine. You can filter out all those personality traits you think you won't get along with and look for people who have something in common with you. Other people's profiles are always good conversation starters, especially if you share common interests. In real life, you don't know anything about the other person until you've spent at least half an hour talking to them. Online you can find out much about them without even initiating a conversation.

As for possible negative experiences, I probably haven't had any because I've learned to judge people according to their style of writing and what they put in their profiles. Especially when I exchange a few messages with them. It's difficult to describe it, but there's something in the overall style that tells much about the person. Some former classmates of mine have recognised me on that dating site because I have my picture there, and I welcome that. They messaged me in that "hey buddy, nice to see you here!" tone, so being recognised can be good for those old friendships. With one classmate I became closer because of this. She saw my profile, messaged me and we began exchanging e-mails. Through that correspondence, I learned much about her I'd have never drawn out of her in real life. To sum up, my personals site experience has been that of bonding.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

Dreamy said:


> I'm curious to know, did anyone here who put up a profile on a personals site put up their picture too? I did, but I'm still paranoid about people I know finding me there, etc. :hide


I always do because I know that I'm not ugly (or so I think :b ), so that atleast perhaps my pic will get more replies. Your pic will probably get you more replies too.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

:banana My latest meeting of someone from online today went well.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

:banana 
Good for you rafraf, thanks guys for the input, I'm much more motivated now to go out and look. One of my resolutions for this year would be to get a boyfriend... :lol


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

the ones I signed up for are
match.com
yahoo personals
nolongerlonely.com
okcupid.com

good luck! :b


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

I am seriously thinking I would try at least one of these sites, since meeting people in real life doesn't seem to be happening. But not now. Because at the moment I feel like I'd have nothing to offer a potential date, being sort of an unemployed bum.


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## Bon1 (Jan 17, 2005)

Molten Universe said:


> I am seriously thinking I would try at least one of these sites, since meeting people in real life doesn't seem to be happening. But not now. Because at the moment I feel like I'd have nothing to offer a potential date, being sort of an unemployed bum.


A job is what you do, not who you are;-)))

You could start working on your ad, on Word or MS...........An outline so when you're ready...


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

I met two people from both
nolongerlonely.com
and okcupid.com 
I won't touch dating sites unless they are free like these.


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

Bon said:


> A job is what you do, not who you are;-)))


Well yeah, I have my own project I'm working on that is more in keeping with my "true personality." But nevertheless, women seem to prefer it if their boyfriends have a job...but I'm thinking about what I will eventually put on my ad.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

Last one at a museum, the one before that at the movies, the one before that at an astronomy viewing, and the one before that one at the mall. Yeah all different places. :lol


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## Kimmyshell (Dec 4, 2005)

I met my boyfriend on yahoo. He is younger than I am and I blew him off about three times before I finally started talking to him. We hit it off immediately, met after a few weeks, and have been inseparable ever since. I did meet quite a few guys before him that were only looking for sex, some of whom I am pretty sure are married. I learned to stay away from the free sites if you want to find someone who is serious about a relationship. A lot of married men/women use free sites as they don't want the charge showing on their credit card! Also - I was embarrassed about putting my pic up but it's the only way to get replies. Besides, I saw my eye doctor on there and if he's not too embarrassed to put his pic then I figured I shouldn't be. The only bad part is when people ask how you met and you have to tell them you met online!


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

Met another at the movies. It was very awkward, she has no car, and so I drove her to the movies and back home. I barely spoke and just before going she told me she had a good time, and that she thought I didn't (obviously interpreted by my quietness). Then two things happened, but I don't remember the order because it took me by surprise. 1) She gave me a kiss on the cheek which was totally unexpected. 2) I told her i was quiet because of my social anxiety and that I'm always like that.
I was too ops to remember which one occured first.

After talking briefly with an online friend about this, she suggested I write down things to talk about. Then memorize the list sorta so I'm prepared with thinks to talk about. Apparently she does that when she meets people, and to me from knowing her online she does not seem at all like the shy type who would need to do that.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I dated a few guys I met through online personals, but nothing serious ever came out of it. It would be a few dates and then I wouldn't hear from them again. I feel so jealous of people who are able to start long-term relationships, like my friend for example. The very first guy who responded to her personal ad she dated for two years. They broke up, and a week later she was seeing someone new. Their one year anniversary is in a few weeks. Meanwhile, her previous boyfriend still wants her back. Why can't I have that kind of luck?


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## living in darkness (Apr 17, 2005)

Just never give up on love, you guys. I think the internet can be a great way to meet someone. I met my last girlfriend through phone personals, and I just started looking online again. I'm using OKCupid and Craig's List. So far I've only had a few responses, and nothing serious, but it hasn't been that long. I feel really confident about this because I'm feeling so much better about myself. In the past, I've gone out on dates with some really nice girls I met online. I met most of my girlfriends through work or school, or a friend or whatever, but like I said I think the internet can be an excellent way to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

...


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## Nikabar (Dec 16, 2005)

I'm slightly bitter towards personal.There not the best place to meet people when your ugly. I had tried personal awhile back when I was felling better about my self.I did the whole thing put up a picture and profile.I got 2 message both from philippine girls that want there paper or it was spam could not tell which and nothing else.In frustration I decide to see if it was really my looks that was the problem.So I put up a second personal with the same profile but with a picture of better looking man and guest what 10 hits 2 days and with my picture I got nothing.That was the end of personals for me.

Personals are a very great thing for a lot of people It leads to a lot of happy relationship and its a good thing that it exist.The problem is it relies a lot on looks and pictures. Allot of people wont even give you chance if you don't have a picture.Not the best place for some one that really ugly.

Sorry for the rant :hide


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## living in darkness (Apr 17, 2005)

Equisgurl said:


> :banana
> Good for you rafraf, thanks guys for the input, I'm much more motivated now to go out and look. One of my resolutions for this year would be to get a boyfriend... :lol


You're going to make some lucky guy a wonderful girlfriend. You should be proud of yourself, I think that's a wonderful resolution for next year. Even though I will be a little jealous, of course.  Too bad we don't live closer to each other.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Thanks, Living in Darkness- youre really sweet :kiss 
I still have a long way to go, really need to work on my social skills and my trust issues.. :sigh , but I'm ready to do it ( I think :lol )


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## Luscious Luke (Nov 12, 2003)

Well if you need a little inspiration, I met my girlfriend online and we are moving in together next week after almost a year.



> Do you find it easier than meeting someone in real life?


Well, having SA, I certainly find it easier than asking someone out in real life. First meetings with a person online are quite nerve-wrecking though.



> How did your first meeting go?


Wonderfully! We were both a little awkward at first which is to be expected when meeting for the first time but once we got over that first hump and became comfortable with each other, we hit it off like crazy!



> would you do it again?


If we didn't work out? Absolutely!

Since you are female, you have to be very weary though. There are a ton more males online than females so if you have a decent picture you will have plenty of interested guys to choose from. You will have the luxury of being picky. Put safety above all else. Talk on the phone before you meet. Don't tell him where you live or any other personal information he could use to find you until you meet him in person in a HIGH TRAFFIC PUBLIC PLACE!


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