# Reduce anxiety & stress at college



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ok, so I started college a week ago and already and Im feeling stressed out. The workload is light yet it's the feeeling of the environment that is stressing me out.

This is interesting because unlike highschool where I didn't understand how to cope with this stress, I can now see the steps that I must achieve.

I understand to enable me to lower my stress, enjoy my daily routines, and be more effective with tasks I must first uncover what it is that is stressing me out. The stress mainly comes from the environment due to the amount of people and social pressure. Therefore, I must build a sense of comfortability within myself in this environment. The question is how?


Reduce anxiety and minimize stress:


1)Gain the social proof of those around me. 

To do this I must be more sociable with those I come into daily contact with. I must communicate and get better acquainted with fellow students to create a comradery that will enhance my comfortability and reduce my stress.


I was going to write more goals but I want to take this one step at a time. I have others but this is my main stresser that I absolutely need to work on or else I'm going to be in a lot of trouble with school, work, and my overall happiness. This goal alone should reduce my stress and create positive emotional and physical support throughout my day, especially being I have classes in the mornings.


I need to find something to settle me down. I plan on working on this starting tomorrow.

I've noticed how good other students are at this.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

My previous goal seemed to be accomplished as I was able to achieve it fairly easily. One guy even asked me if I'd like to play beer pong with him this Saterday, which was a kind offer!


My next goal is one that I've been wanting for a while now. That is to get a good girlfriend. Now that I'm in college it makes it that much easier. I used to make it more complicated than it has to be but all I really have to do is try!


The gameplan:

-TALK TO THE GIRLS I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW



I waited on this goal because I wanted to get accustomed to school first. I will work on my goal starting this next week! I'll try and keep this thread updated.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I keep running into a dilemma about meeting girls. I keep telling myself I won't have time for a relationship even if I do meet a girl. This mindset alone has kept me at bay since my last post.

Another problem I am facing is that I was previously hoping I'd meet someone in class, which can be done but I think it'd be far easier to meet someone at the Student Union or somewhere of that nature out of class.

Perhaps I'm going about this all wrong and expecting too much too soon. I simply will not have much time for a relationship with work and college so I need to face that fact right there. However, for whatever it's worth, I think it'd be best I continue to challenge myself by at least attempting to get to know girls at college I'd consider dating. It will do good for my self-esteem and it will give me confidence in my abilities inw hich I can cary on later on in simular situations. 

My previous thought process was that in order to have a relationship I must talk to this person everyday and be in constant contact with them. I want a relationship like that because I think it'll be good for me but at the same time I know it will not happen due to my time restraints. I wonder if it's possible to have a relationship without seeing someone very much? I hear people talk about long distance relationships that work, which I always thought pointless because you never get to see that person, but what's really bad with just staying in contact with someone without seeing them if you don't have time? Would that still be a relationship or would that be considered a friendship?

Relationship, friendship, or neither, I think it would do me good to at least attempt to challenge my goal and attempt to stay in contact with girls at school I'd consider dating. I think it will help me feel connected and on top of things and give me confidence. I feel that exempting myself from even trying keeps me feeling dissatisfied. In other words, just knowing I am capable will help me out because it's just something I don't want to run away from.

I realize this sounds selfish but what harm am I doing by becoming friends with women? If I can't be in a relationship with them then I might as well learn as much as I can about them and feel better in the process. It'll keep me feeling good about myself and I'm sure it'll be beneficial to them as well. Isn't this what friendships are?

I will start my new goal tomorrow and make contacts with women at the Student Union, no if and or buts. There are no exemptions and you will get a description from me tomorrow. I don't want to put this off any longer and no matter how awkward I feel I will do my best.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

LOL, it's funny how I make my goals. They seem to change a lot! No matter, a goal is a goal.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I didn't do what I had planned yesterday. If any excuse was that I was too tired. I may or may be being hard on myself but not doing this goal WILL drive me nuts.

I wrote down goals I wanted to accomplish today. I am willing to embarrass myself this go around and will not use being tired as an excuse. I better do it this time...


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, I did mainly what I planned out to do for today.


My goals were:

-Sit close to girl from inside lab before lab class. If not there then sit another girl and start conversation.

-If possible, walk down to lecture conversating with girl from lab (partner).

-After Lec, go to Student Union and start up conversations with girls there.


I arrived early to my lab and saw a girl sitting down outside the room but the door was open so out of curiosity I looked in and the teacher was in so I just sat down in the room. I didn't really get to have a convetrsation with my lab partner because we had a, ugh, gram stain test today, so instead I just tried to be more open and supportive and it seemed to work well! She kind of lightened up around me and she started kidding around like how her bacterium under the microscope looked like Mike and Ikes, which was pretty funny. I noticed she stayed a little longer after she was done like she wanted me to walk out with her. I picked up on this quick and tried to finsih my test fast but had trouble focusing my microscope so she was gone by the time I was done.

I got this funny feeling like she really wanted to talk with me after the lab. When I was walking down to the Student Union I saw her waiting beside the lecture room. It was odd because we have like a hour before lecture after our lab and there she was. I almost stopped where I was going to talk to her but instead I kept walking towards the Student Union.

She also mentioned how her friends are always trying to get her to go clubbing so this indicates she is single. Still, I plan on asking for her number anyways 

So, I didn't get to walk with her but that's ok. It will happen. I have another plan to talk to her before lecture next go around.

The Student Union intimidates me a little but I know I can set out what I have to do. Today I went to the Starbucks inside then to the main cafeteria room to get some cheesesticks (not so good). Just standing in line I was coming up with ways to meet women. I could possibly just start conversation in line waiting for food! Duh.

One thing about the cafeteria that intimidates me is going up to a table of girls and just sitting down and starting up a conversation. I guess I would typically do that with a girl sitting by herself but I need to plan ahead and also plan to sit by a set of girls.

Anyways, I got my cheesestick and sat by a guy instead. That's when I thought to myself I need to refine my goals and make them clearer and more percise. Perhaps next time I go to the cafeteria I will make a goal to ONLY sit by a group of girls whetehr the table is packed or not. This means I do not make two goals for one purpose. I do not say I will sit by EITHER one girl or a table of girls. It helps that I make my goals short and percise with no exeptions.


So then after lunch I went back to the hallway outside of lecture class. I saw a girl who was in my lab class and sat down by her. A minute or two went by then I asked her how she thought she did on her gram stain test. She said she probably got a few wrong and she asked me the same, which I replied the same. I was a little bit nervous but also thrilled because I was accomplishing my goals and it was actually fun talking to these people! So after a few words the conversation went dry and I stopped talking. She tried to keep the conversation going by asking how my lecture test did, which I thought was cool because she was happy to talk to me.

I don't know, this past year I've really come to a deeper understanding of people. Everyone just wants to feel comfortable and if you support them they will try to be supportive towards you. The more comfort you give someone the more you recieve back, which ironiclly highlights the phrase, "Treat people the way you want to be treated", and it seems to be true. Very good day today and all because I tried!



Mental notes:

-People who treat you badly have issues themselves and are not worth your time. There are great people out there who want to love and give love! This applies to all sorts of love: affection, support, empathy, kindness, etc.

-People seem put off by you because you seem put off by them. Ironiclly, they are thinking you are put off by them by your non-verbal communication. This means that quote, "normal people", are just as self-conscious about themselves as you are. The only reason people act put off, once again, is because you seem put off by your nervousness, which is fine. Counteract this by activily being the one who opens the other person up and supports them and ironicly you will see them wanting to be around you and NOT put off.

-No matter what anyone has ever told you about sterotyping women and men they probably aren't trure. One of the purest things about women and men are that we are much more alike than what some people may say. Stereotyping leads many to think men are too aggressive and women are too passive, etc. This is sterotyping as it isn't true. However, there are passive women as men and agressive women as there are men. Perhaps it has to do with the IDEA that womena re one way and men are another that many of us believe men are one way and women are the other. In fact, we are all different and there is no one set in stone.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, I finally feel like I'm at that point in my life where I can finally be rest assured of my abilities. It's interesting how long it has taken me to get this way, yet it was only in my attempts did I manage to truely progress. Without my active duty in changing myself I could possibly be the same person I was 5 years ago onn the inside.

It's not that I never gave up being a more diverse person when I was a teenager, I just simply did not have the mindet nor the skills to feel confident about my abilities. However, I feel like I can now be afriad and still be progressive in life. Ironicaly, just the thought of knowing I can still ahieve things under a negative mindset motivates me to try harder. I want to try harder because I now know that I don't have to feel negative. I am beginning to believe more and more that by actively attempting whether under a negative mindset or not, plays a great deal in our positive attitude about our lives. So obviously having a more positive outlook on life goes beyond just thinking positive but actively pursuing life's challenges.

I can think positive all day but without doing the goals I set for myself this thinking is often overrun by more negative beliefs. For instance, if I plan on talking to a girl one day and do not do so I managed to fail in my attempt to recieve a positve outlook. If, however, I do manage to achieve the goal I set out for myself then I am creating a positive outlook which in turn produces motivation and more positive thinking. It's almost like a math equation multipying negative signs: a positive Xs a negative = negative, positive Xs a positive = positive). Just an example - I am no expert of corse.

This isn't to say setbacks will not occur. I do feel apprehensive and intimidated about a lot of things. However, I now know these feelings are something I can overcome and reap rewards from. This all ties into my abilities as a person as we all have equal capabilites. The tricky part is understanding how to create positive outlooks on your own without assistance. This, of corse, is something we must learn how to manage ourselves. I feel like I am now capable of managing my emotions and achieving my goals.

I like writing about things like this because I am proud to do so and also I feel those who read can be benefitted. I am not attempting to put down or compare your progress with SA. Rather, I am honestly giving what I THINK to be benficial to this board.

Recently, one of the coolest things I've discovered is writing down daily goals. So far, it has really served it's purpose quite well. It's a new thing I use that helps me stay motivaed upon preconceived goals. I used to write goals that encompassed using large amounts of time to accomplish. I now write goals that are daily and require a daily list of things to do. Compared to long-term goals, short-term goals seem to be much more effective and I find myself staying consistently motivated, which is something I need. It seems like life is more structured with short-term goals than long-term.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

My goal for the Student Union still hasn't been accomplished and it was really bugging me. In fact, I was feeling a pretty depressed the last couple days because of that and other things that are related to girls.

I called my sister last night to talk because I was feeling down and odds were she was going to a club. My sister is four years older than me and I guess she goes to this gay club in downtown Akron every Monday. I'm not gay but I've been there before with her and it's really not that bad. There are a lot of straight people who go to. Anyways, she invited me to go out with her and we both thought it'd be a good thing for me and so I went.

We got there a little after 11pm and my sister already knew a whole bunch of people in there. Last time I went to a club it was with people I hardly knew and I remember going home pretty ticked off. However, this time around I had a lot of fun!

My sister is obviously lesbian but she is really cool and down to earth. Well, it was pretty funny because she was almost coaching me how to approach women and stuff. She's like, "Hey bro, have you ever heard of the ten second rule?". She continues, "Yeah, it's when your checking someone out you have to wait at least 10 seconds before you look again". I knew the rule didn't really mean much but just having her talking about it I had looked around and noticed a lot of girls were doing this to me! So I started doing it back. I approached and I managed to dance with a few and score a couple of numbers. My sister actually brought a really good looking girl home with her in whom I guess she knew from like a year ago.

My last post about clubbing was pretty negative. I think the last club I went to was in October of last year. I've learned it's not so bad if you have good company. Another thing I learned is just talk to people and get to know them. Everyone was really friendly and I found myself having a lot of fun!

Also, my lab partner was there!!!!! I almost couldn't beleive my eyes when I saw her! This was the same girl I planned on getting her number in college if you read up. I said what's up to her and low and beyond she was with her GIRLFRIEND! Double-shocker there! LOL. So much for that goal...


Anyways, it was actually pretty therapeutic and I'm glad I went. Who knows what will come out of my encounter with the girls I met but who cares because I had fun and I proved to myself I can do that at such a location AND meet girls, which is a bonus.


I plan on continuing to work towards my goals at school. Today I have off school because of the holiday - I think it's the holiday? No matter, when I get back to school I must follow through on my goals or it will eat at me like it was the last couple of days.

One thing I will incorporate into my Student Union goal is when I sit next to girls at lunch I MUST introduce myself off the bat and get a conversation going. Yesterday I had gone to the Student Union after class and actually found a table with a girl by herself and sat at the opposite end of the table from her. I don't know why I did that. I should of sat right next to her and introduced myself. I sat there a little while longer, said nothing, and then decided to go to the campus library to see if I could redeem myself by finding another girl to talk to.

There was actually another girl sitting alone by herself working on some homework. I walked right over there and sat two seat beside her but once again I said nothing. By this point I was disapointed in myself for not following through on my goals once again. My spirit was exhausted and so I left after finishing my math homework without saying a word. ARG

I went home and took a nap after I had left the campus. I slept for about four hours. I thought I must of really stressed myself out the last couple of days to nap four hours after sleeping eight the night before. After my nap I went back to the campus to try and redeem myself once again but by that time it was the Union was pretty dead and all I managed to do was succeed in finding more defeat and loneliness. On the way back home I called my sister and that's when she invited me to go out with her.



Sorry, I'm writting a lot here, I know...



It's interesting because I had pictured my sister to be a total different personality than I was. In some fashion I didn't like her personality. However, seeing her seperate from her ex-girlfriend, I noticed me and her bonding much better. Inside I know the reason I didn't like her personality before was mainly derived from my own thinking. This last week I have really found how my mind makes things seem negative when they really aren't. My sister, girls, peers, everything tends to STILL be seen through a somewhat negative perspective. Even in the mist of great things, my mind is still wokring on a negative scale. I have found myself really focusing on that lately, especially when it comes to girls. I think this is one contributor to my depression over the last few days.


I am really pinpointing things much better now. It's like I know what I have to do and what will make me feel better. All I have to do now is do it and I honestly believe my life will be so much more free. I can't believe how hard I am on myself but I don't know if I'd be so motivated all the time if I wasn't. I think I am on the brink of something explosive here and if I keep working on it I'll break through. I will not stop working towards my goals no matter how depressed I become int he process. It's a learn situation and it's suprising how much better I feel when I actaully follow through with them.

My Student Union goal:
Approach girl or girls in Student Union. Introduce myself and start conversation. Recieve number(s).


----------

