# Anyone have a hard time maintaining friendships?



## AndreaXo (Mar 22, 2014)

I have a hard time already just making friends but keeping them is a whole other ball game. I have had close friends throughout my life but those friendships never last very long. I don't know why I have a hard time keeping them. It'll be fine at first, then eventually, they just stop wanting to talk/hangout with me.


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## Htki (Jul 10, 2014)

I have the same problem, I think people generally get bored of me when I start declining big social activies too much.
After that it slowly fades away, sometimes you just grow apart aswell, but it does feel bad when you can't make friends as easy as most people.


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## teichan (Jul 16, 2014)

*raises hand* Me. It's difficult already just to say hi but, ugh to have a conversation to get to know them better or even hang out. It kills me a little. What do I say? I have no drama and my interest don't interest them( vise versa too). Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place?


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Do I even deserve friends? I feel as if I'm too horrible of a person and not reliable at all when it comes to being a noteworthy pal. Like, who the hell am I? Why would people enjoy my company when there's plenty of upgrades compared to me. 

I'm well aware that this mindset is counter intuitive to my long road of recovery, been having more and more sour days lately and most of failed connections obviously have to do with my infractions as a person. Logically the ideal way to counteract this and cope would be identifying my faults and taking appropriate steps to improve. I'm not just inadequate when it comes to unimportant/shallow qualities, yet when it's all on the table and I evaluate my personality as a whole, I'm not quite the loyal, emotionally invested friend am I? Could of sworn I was placing effort yet it's never enough, I often feel as if I'm trying to please everyone equally, yet this causes me to neglect everyone equally as well. All of these people are worth knowing in my opinion yet I can't seem to feel worthy of their time...


Perhaps I was born autistic or something, my mother always knew I was off as a child, she gave me nothing but love, yet I feel the aura of disappointment constantly, she'll never tell me, my bro can point out my foolishness quite easily. So people will either expect nothing from me from the beginning, so when I disappoint them it comes to no surprise. If they do believe in me and I eventually disappoint them, they'll shift and join all the others who might as well deem me as invisible. There are a select few people who make the attempt to get to know me, yet I push them away and make hardly an effort cause of my insecurities so there ya have it. I've no one to blame save for myself and really I'm aware of how important it is to love thyself, that'll never be possible. I do like myself yet it'll never be enough in the sense I'll be confident enough to initiate things with people and decide to convince them to spend time with me. 

My family doesn't expect much of me anymore. People at work don't respect me, nor even like me, it's all just pretend. Gotta find motivation... need to soon.... must do something. Come on man, think think think. Been feeling bored/depressed/cold lately. Like I yearn for isolation so people can't hurt me, yet at the same time I place up outgoing facades almost daily. So it's the tug of war and push / pull nature that's very draining for me.

This has to be temporary, gotta fight through this. Only holding on to sanity cause I've been occupied with work, yet when I'm here it comes flowing back like a wave of guilt. I've... hurt people emotionally by remaining distant towards them. I'm so sorry, no amount of apologies can make amends. I don't know what I can do to remedy the situation. I feel deep down in my heart they are completely much better off without my cynicism and pessimistic attitude. To state otherwise would be fallacious. 

I feel drained, tired, or spread thin. I feel better than I was a year ago, which isn't saying much, yet there has to be some progress. How can I help other people when I lack to ability to aid myself?


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## frog98 (Jul 14, 2014)

I have abit of the opposite problem, I have friends who I haven't talked to for nearly a year now and just recently they have called me a couple of times (they don't know I have SA) but its just really hard to face them these days of fear of not knowing what to talk about and seeming boring and just different from went they last spoked to me!


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## VeMuñeca (Sep 5, 2013)

I feel conflicted. I have people trying to hang out with me and at first I agree. But then I don't feel like hanging out with them. . . I feel bad about it all. This is why I choose to be and do things alone. No one gets hurt.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Yeah, definitely. Usually with friendship I find that people gradually stop hanging out with me, and I'm back to my lonely self. Either that or they find new friends that I happen to dislike, or a mixture of both.


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## silentstruggle (Jul 16, 2014)

I know sometimes its NOT me. Sometimes I really do try hard to make things work but they just seem to fall apart. Other times I know its my fault because I don't feel worthy of their friendship. I sabotage it by becoming distant, because I'm scared of other people judging me.


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## big leaf (Jul 7, 2014)

yeah sometimes. i've been getting a lot better with not declining every offer to hang out, but i still really struggle with initiating stuff which gives people the idea that i don't like them. it may seem bleak now but i promise one day you'll find friends who accept your SA and stuff and it wont be hard to maintain it anymore


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## Slytherclaw (Jul 16, 2011)

I'm having the same problem, it's absolutely awful. I feel bad because when we first started hanging out, he tried to welcome me into his group of friends, but of course it takes me forever to become desensitized to a bunch of new people like that, so I was uncomfortable and closed-off for months around them. (Still am.) Now it doesn't help that he doesn't invite me to things with them anymore & I get the feeling they're not very fond of me. He only hangs out with me as a last resort, I'm pretty sure. He actually told me last week, "We'll hang out tomorrow if I don't think of any other plans." Maybe I'm taking that the wrong way...but that sounds like he's only going to spend time with me if there's literally nothing else to do...right? :/ I did everything wrong from the start of this damn friendship. If only I could just be friendly and open with people.


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## StevenRonan (May 20, 2014)

I have a fairly hard time maintaining friendships , I think I give off a vibe that I'm not interested in knowing them. I never really call somebody first , I hate talking I never know what to say and it ends up being awkward. My friends have to make all the effort which I'm sure is very aggravating for them , I don't know how I even have friends.


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## soulsurviver (Jun 17, 2014)

I'm rubbish at maintaining friendships. I'm either too quiet, too sad or too negative, there's always something. Most people I try to befriend have mental health problems, so I'm starting to wonder if they are just projecting their own negative flaws on to me


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*They start easily*

They don't last.

No fault of mine.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

CravingBass said:


> Yeah, definitely. Usually with friendship I find that people gradually stop hanging out with me, and I'm back to my lonely self. Either that or they find new friends that I happen to dislike, or a mixture of both.


I can somewhat relate to this. I've had friends in the past that stopped hanging out with me after a few months or they found other friends and preferred to hang out with them over me and at times it was because I didn't like their new friend and hence why I didn't bother trying to maintain my friendship with that person. I sometimes found that friend of mine found new friends and some of those new friends didn't like me much and then they would talk **** about me to the person that was my friend.

I don't mind talking and making friends and everything but I don't go right out of my way to make friends anymore.

Someone has to make someone else pay to make themselves feel better, now that is a true fact in this world that I have come to learn. I don't mean to sound negative or anything when I say this but while we may be intelligent mammals and useful to this planet and all the rest of it. We are also the worst thing on this planet as well, we take out our insecurities on other people to make ourselves feel better, we put people down that are considered lower than ourselves. There has been world wars and civil wars that were caused by humans, people kill other people and so on.

I personally have gone to doing a lot of sport and working out to substitute for my non-existent social life.


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## AndreaXo (Mar 22, 2014)

I'm not sure how many people feel the same way but I realized that I have a hard time being authentic. I want to "be myself" but I tend to cave into the need of acting in a certain way. i've always been a big people pleaser so I guess that might also be why people find me uninteresting


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## SvanThorXx (Jun 27, 2014)

The problem I have is that people are afraid of my problems and they see my weird qualities as a reason to leave. In turn, I trust few people.


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## radiation (Jul 20, 2014)

AndreaXo said:


> I have a hard time already just making friends but keeping them is a whole other ball game. I have had close friends throughout my life but those friendships never last very long. I don't know why I have a hard time keeping them. It'll be fine at first, then eventually, they just stop wanting to talk/hangout with me.


I can really relate to this. I've had a lot of friendships that never lasted long. I have a hard time keeping friends and meeting new friends. And they really do eventually stop wanting to talk and hangout with me.. Lol.


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## vanillabeanplease (Jul 18, 2014)

I always end up ignoring their calls/texts and then eventually they stop trying to contact me. Ugh  
But I'm working on it! And I've actually just rekindled an old friendship.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

my closest friends are the ones that understand that I need space and don't like being hounded 24/7 by them.


Not everyone can comprehend and they often get upset.



Back when I was a normal social being and has a girlfriend she would actually get upset because I didn't call her 7 days a week. In my mind 3 phone calls a week was sufficient, but in hers it wasn't.


I usually check up or text all my friends atleast once a month, week, and sometimes every other month.


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## The Radiant Hero (Jul 20, 2014)

I'm pretty terrible at maintaining friendships. At least, that's how I see it.


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## StrongerthanYesterday (Sep 26, 2013)

lol I have the same problem... I guess I am 'ok' at meeting people but I guess I'm afraid that if I keep being friends with the person they will find out how boring I "really" am..

Actually I think the real reason I can't maintain friendships is because it's easier to just NOT be friends! lol It's way more stressful to figure out what to say, how much contact I should have, how often to talk to them etc which gives me constant anxiety. So the only friends I have now are like 1 or 2 people I trust and have known for a long time.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

Yea it's mainly because I flake out on my friends at social gatherings. My stupid anxiety prevents me from hanging out with them, which causes them to think that I'm not interested in being around them, which leads to them not sending me any invites to hang out


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

Yep...


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## DiskOperatingSystem (Jul 22, 2014)

Now, I have a very very tight knit group of friends which I have had for almost 5 years. We don't really let many people in but we sometimes do. I don't have a hardtime maintaining friendships, but I have a hard time maintaining friendships with girls.


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

Friends are fickle *****es. Whether online or in real life, friendship is a fleeting thing in my experience. I guess the people you befriended were only meant to be there for you for a certain amount of time to give you what you needed at that time in your life or to give them what they needed. Or both. And once that happened the friendship ran its course and there was no need to continue.

Or life intervened and your paths went opposite directions, which also happens. Or of course, betrayal.

I've had people tell me over the years that there are people out there that are capable of sticking through it all. _Your _all, but I find that hard to believe.


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## Wrong Galaxy (Aug 13, 2010)

Same problem I have. After high school's over, friendship cutoff. After college, friendship cutoff. I can't maintain friendship like normals do screw this life.


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## Demure (Jul 14, 2014)

I graduated from high school last month. Before graduating, I had the illusion that my friendships could somehow overcome this obstacle, but now I'm in the process of just accepting the fact that my friends probably don't care about me anymore. I need to move on, but it's so hard. I've decided to thwack myself with a rubber band every time I think about my fri- OW!

I don't understand. Why do I even bother with friendships when I know they'll never last and I'll just end up getting hurt in the end?


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## Fat Man (Nov 28, 2013)

I do, I think. When I meet someone new I meet and talk with them for awhile, but for some reason I grow afraid of my new friend and I stop seeing them.


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Happens to me all the time, everyday.. >.> its like they cbf with me anymore, even tho I don't ignore their calls or texts!! I try to see them and they're too busy! I'm not rude, arrogant, mean or insulting. I'm the opposite. Im a good listener, I go out of my way for ppl all the time and im non judgmental..yet.. I haven't got anyone I feel emotionally close to.

Someone be my friend? ^.^


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## justin25 (Sep 7, 2014)

The worst is having friends in different groups. Its hard maintaining a balance and eventually one group will be left out and you end up losing them.


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## HenceNoStepsTaken (Oct 2, 2014)

Yeah, I don't have friends.


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## AndreaXo (Mar 22, 2014)

Yup. I still feel this way even now. I think my problem is, is that I have a hard time forging deeper connections with people. All I ever had were shallow relationships so I never really knew anything else.


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## BlueDay (May 6, 2014)

Yes, and it's getting tougher as I get older. All you do is meet new, single people in high school and college. After that, they start to get married and raise families and hang out with other families. A single person with SA is like a leper.


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## spiritedaway (Aug 5, 2014)

Yeah and it's 100 % my fault. Most of the really good friends I make never last for very long. After a certain amount of time, I usually start pushing them away and I always feel so bad afterwards. The sad thing is, they always make an effort to try to keep contact with me but I just never can. I feel like such a bad person for pushing them away but I just can't stop myself. Im just not meant to have friends.


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## green20ghouls (Oct 10, 2014)

I have never been able to keep friends. I'm so envious of people who have the same best friends since childhood.. I've never even had a best friend since I was 10  Because I'm boring, annoying, and weird. And I just recently lost another friend that I made this year..I'm not surprised because I knew this would happen. Still gutted though.


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## Tazrael (Oct 11, 2014)

Bunnymoo7 said:


> Someone be my friend? ^.^


I'd like to be.

I could just say ditto to most things people already posted here.
I can count the number of friends I've made in my whole life on one hand, and the number of friends kept equals zero. I know that, I know if I ever have anything to do with anyone, it's temporary. But everytime I like someone, I still do, like, everything for them they think to ask of me. I listen, I lend out my stuff or money even if I don't have much, I try to build up their self-esteem, help them through trouble, but in the end, when they don't need me anymore, they're all gone at some point. My record holder was a girl I'd known for five years, and that was probably only this long because she lived in another country and we kept in touch via chat programs.

I've begun to wonder if my image of friendship is all messed up somehow. I always thought it means to have one another's backs, but what I learned it is, well...use and be used, no more use, friendship over.


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## Cilla (Oct 9, 2014)

Sometimes i just wish there was a way for all the SA people out there to be friends with each other. It would be so much easier to find someone like yourself, instead of all these rejecting extroverts I am forced to be around.


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## Tazrael (Oct 11, 2014)

At least the SA people cluster on the Internet.
But I agree with you, having friends that know what social anxiety means is like, having friends that actually understand you. Which sounds pretty much like paradise to me. I kind of resent society for favouring people with the biggest mouth instead of the ones with the biggest hearts.


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## AndreaXo (Mar 22, 2014)

Tazrael said:


> I've begun to wonder if my image of friendship is all messed up somehow. I always thought it means to have one another's backs, but what I learned it is, well...use and be used, no more use, friendship over.


I've considered the same possibility for myself. For a long time, I've had this certain image of what a friend should be.. and thought I had to act a certain way to attain this kind of friendship. I used to be a total fraud and in that respect, I can see why I was rejected all of these years. I'm overcoming that now, but I wonder if I still have high standards for what a friendship should be. I mean, I usually feel underwhelmed by the people I'm already friends/acquaintances with. There isn't anything wrong with them, but I guess I always expect something more glamorous or "special".


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## sophiam (Mar 9, 2014)

I feel like I've never really had a true friend. I feel like I've never maintained a stable relationship with someone who I can tell absolutely anything to and call them up to hang out and they'd be willing to do it, no questions asked. Every time I've come close to calling someone a "true" friend, something goes wrong. I don't even want someone who I've been friends with for a long time. I just want to call someone a true friend.


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## BlueDay (May 6, 2014)

Purple Clouds said:


> Yea it's mainly because I flake out on my friends at social gatherings. My stupid anxiety prevents me from hanging out with them, which causes them to think that I'm not interested in being around them, which leads to them not sending me any invites to hang out


This.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Just forget about them.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Just keep chatting but make sure you also talk about stuff that intrests them


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

AndreaXo said:


> I'm not sure how many people feel the same way but I realized that I have a hard time being authentic. I want to "be myself" but I tend to cave into the need of acting in a certain way. i've always been a big people pleaser so I guess that might also be why people find me uninteresting


I have that problem. What usually happens with 'normal' people is that they see my shyness and want to help invite me into their stuff, but I can't reciprocate or engage fully: I find myself either too silent or trying badly to 'fit in.' I tend to need to get along with people closely and be able to talk seriously about where I'm coming from (so it's established I'm strong and they're not reaching down to me) before I can laugh and mess around.

Also, because I'm used to having a lot of time to myself, it can be tough for me to plan, especially when I think to myself, 'No, no, it's trouble, stay where you're used to at home.'


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## iControl (Oct 10, 2014)

I have a few guy "friends" that share similar interest as me. But have zero friends that a girls. I'm always jealous of people that can make friends with them because my social anxiety goes through the roof when they look at me and smile at me. I try to become friends with them but extremely difficult. Help D: I just wanna talk to them with out feeling so anxious and panicking.


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## Thedood (Nov 27, 2013)

Yeah, people get tired of me, I guess. I'm not the most exciting and "crazy" person in the world, and being the nice, kind, friendly person just gets old to other people apparently.


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## Snowman 23 (Jun 8, 2014)

I did make a few friends in the past, but we were never really close friends; we just called each other friends on the surface and spoke when we saw each other. And after we left high school/job, I never really was able to keep in touch with them. I would try to message them on Facebook once in a while, but they would respond with "I'm good. You?". I gave up on trying to message them after those awkward messages.

In terms of making friends, I was never really successful at that. I have a lot of acquaintances, but none of them turn into friends. At work, I notice that my coworkers are friendlier towards me when I start talking to them. But when I'm not talking, nobody approaches. I don't really get invites to lunch with them anymore either. I suspect that maybe I give off unfriendly vibes, when in actuality I want people to approach me but just stay quiet because I don't know how to start a conversation with anyone.


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## marsupilami29 (May 28, 2014)

Yes, I am so bad at both making friends and maintaining friendship that now I am friendless and alone.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

The only friend I've been close to for a long time is my boyfriend. The rest of the people I know I only see as acquaintances. I actually have a hard time even seeing anyone as a friend, generally speaking everyone I talk to leaves me in the end, thus why I never even bother getting close to anyone. I haven't actually hung out with anyone besides my boyfriend in years, most of the time I'm either at work or by myself.. meh. Not that I care, much >.>;


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## ComfortWhereWeOverlap (Sep 3, 2014)

Absolutely. And when I find people I think I could be good friends with, i'm afraid to open myself up to them because I fear i will become to attached and annoying even though the "friends" that I do have unload **** on me all the time and I listen, sometimes resentfully. So frustrating.


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