# Y'all check this out! Phoenix, Arizona!



## SwtSurrender

In the Phoenix, Arizona finally.... No srsly, contact the owner of the group and you'll see that I am not scamming anyone! I was blessed to have been in contact with the owner through email since Dr. Richards himself stopped messaging me. So this group is like the same as if Dr. Richards were to own it, but he doesn't sadly, but hey maybe we get to see him too anyway!

This feels like a very pure group for social anxiety. You are all cool people so you can go there! I will try.... I must go! Just wanted to share with y'all just in case.

https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-thephoenixgroup/


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## SwtSurrender

*spongebob...One month later....

Oh man, looks like I am going to be the only female there.... It kind of reminds me of special ed. In special ed classes I was the only female surrounded by males. But at least in special ed I had female teachers!!! Here in this meetup group by the sound of their usernames - MALES!!! Honestly, this doesn't scare me away at all so I am glad. Honestly, you guys don't have to study this therapy - the organizer mentioned that "you don't have to do anything!" in terms of participation and you can just lay low with a hood over your face in the back of the room until you're ready to join in. What can hurt yo? C'mon! Wanted to have a girl friend, but I guess I'll have to find them at college. I hope these guys in this group don't climb all over me just cuz I might be the only female in there! So, you can come too females as I said, you can lie low but you still have to pay for members. I don't care - I'm going to go there motivated and will stay right up until the end even if everyone else stops coming and I am alone with the organizers!!!!!!!!!!! :mum :haha


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## SwtSurrender

Did you see those guys in this group?!?!!?!?!? They're all so frikkin cute!!!!!!!!!!!! C'mon why are there like no girls but me? Doesn't make any sense, what is there to be afraid of?!?!!? Oh sorry, maybe I am in a different social anxiety level than other girls? Okay okay cool then, maybe I am. But those super frikkin cute guys tho!!!!!!!!!!!! I should stay calm....... I promise I'm not going there just for the boys! But I am nice and would like to practice social interaction with them, and it helps if there's a girl or more girls so please girls come on!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, attractive young men not boys or guys.


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## sad1231234

Good for you!


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## SwtSurrender

_FWD:
_
I've received an email from Justin Bashore himself, he's the editor and has worked closely with Dr. Richards. He says there will be Summer and Fall groups run by SAI so anyone who is interested email him at [email protected]

As for me, I'm not going to bail this meetup group for Justin - he's saying he works remotely for Dr. Richards, so he's not even in Phoenix. I hope this meetup group might get into those summer and fall groups or I could go to both woophee! Jesus this stuff is confusing, what's wrong with these people are they starting a war? I thought they were nice people who worked together. Justin bailed on everyone and now he thinks someone will like him - assuming that's what's going on.

Every time I tried to get into Dr. Richards' groups he kept coming up with a different excuse and that he doesn't have enough people. Boy who cried wolf - what if it's the same thing this time round, **** me, I am over him. Good luck (sarcasm) to the lucky people who are gonna get into Dr. Richards' so called group! Now it all makes sense, he found a way for me not to go in his group because I am not 100% social anxiety! Yes, it finally makes sense now, he must hate me! Don't worry dude, I won't go to your special pure group, I'll wonder elsewhere! Jeez, talk about a judgmental psychologist with a Ph.D!


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## SwtSurrender

If those guys think they can date me, they're wrong. I used to be very easy on prozac and I didn't even realize how stupid I was. Girls aren't easy. So when they saw me they knew they could take advantage of me, they have no souls. I understand it's hard to get girls with SA, I used to be the same and still am. But I don't want to get used. Like I bet they're all so damn jorny! I'm not scared but I bet that's why there's no females here, it's gonna be like a damn men's convention. Like maybe I shouldn't be there but I will be but then I feel like I'll make them uncomfy. We will see what happens, I will post about it hey! But yeah, I will have to turn everyone down cuz I want to focus not be distracted with dates. Sad world.

The organizers mention doing behavioral therapy and eating lunch together so that is a date! Nah jk... but still.


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## SwtSurrender

Well today was the first meeting, yes I showed up on time, no I didn't talk but I did say, "Wow big room!" or something along the lines of that when I entered.... And also I said, "OMG!" in more of a whisper when we left. Yep, they heard me. What can I say I did have the normal social anxiety torture of depression and extreme worrying and trouble sleeping as the days led up to today. My god it was so hard to fall asleep last night, I kept getting all these thoughts playing in my head and stuff that I wanted to talk about but apparently I couldn't talk at all!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I worried SO MUCH for no reason, I also told myself to calm down as I was trying to fall asleep, I think I finally fell asleep around 3 am. Anyway I always have problems like this especially when there's something social going on the next day, first days of school and college were always like this!

But yeah.... I did talk actually when I first arrived, the organizer was like, "Nice [Confidential]?" and I immediately felt it was like small talk practice and I smiled and said something like, "Yes it's very nice." I just have such hard time with introductions, but when I was taking prozac I did not have a hard time at all!!!!!!!!! Meh. Man, I had alot of fun, and was extremely aroused by them apparently, meh can't help but get aroused when they're so attractive. I mean, I couldn't even look them in the face, well, except the organizer since he was talking the whole time. But if only we had to stand up and introduce ourselves then I would have had a chance to stare.... :haha

Lots of fun, apparently only half showed up.... But everything else is [Confidential]. I did learn alot from the organizer about social anxiety, he's so intellectual!!!!!!!!

Wow, can't believe it, my 1st Meetup group! Dude... this is legendary! So not something I could fathom doing last year, but now I can??? WOWWWW!!! Yes, I believe we can overcome social anxiety if we try.


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## SwtSurrender

Man, feels sad, I was assuming the worst about everyone but it just feels so relieving when they're not like the majority of normies forcing you to talk and getting mad if you don't! I felt so bad and still do anyway, I couldn't really be there I was a bit sleep deprived but I still had the will to go! I feel so bad, they all so nice and super sexy and it feels like they're all stuck-up and mean. Now I understand how normies see someone like me or someone with social anixety; not taking the time to acknowledge them, greet them, excessive eye contact, excessive head turning, excessive small talk, NO! It mostly feels like the first day of school but not so exciting. Maybe I should think to myself that this isn't a group for social anxiety at all and people don't talk to me and I to them because of some strange reason. NO! It all feels so wrong!!!!!!!! Man, I wish I could talk but then I'm scared of scaring them all away cuz when I do talk it's mostly flirting. :crying: I am lusting over a couple of them already!!!!!!!!! It feels so bad when you care so much but it's so hard to connect!!!!!!!!!


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## SwtSurrender

I was dreading the first meeting so much, almost didn't want to go. My whole week was filled with depressed moods and lack of sleep. I kept looking at the days passing and the time kept ticking - I hoped time would stop for me! But now I miss them! Now I can't wait for the next meeting to arrive faster! Well, this means that my dopamine is working very well in my brain. My brain now knows that this event will cause pleasure and now my whole being wants to experience this event over and over again as long as it's going well and doesn't make me feel bad. Hmm doesn't make me feel bad because I chose to think rationally about everything. Now if only I can take this same experience and use it for college and a job! Ahh :smile2:


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## SwtSurrender

I was able to talk today! Man, it just happened outta nowhere! Third time's a charm! Actually, I did want to talk today cuz it was of the utmost importance. The sleep deprivation helps so much, I had no choice, I woke up at 10 pm friday night yo. Wow you slept all day friday and you missed out on extrovert ****!? Yep. Honestly my whole weeks and sleep are messed up cuz of this group - I mean - cuz of my anxiety fluctuations. Maybe I wasn't 100% sleep deprived but I still felt it. You know how you feel when you're in a daze and the world goes by slow-mo. Good thing it was a good sleep deprivation day, I felt so confident and happy, man, I feel so confident when I don't sleep. All those ANTs were nowhere to be found! It is kind of hard to think about the sessions and refresh myself with what I've learned especially when I don't sleep, but whatev... I feel so attuned with myself like prozac! So then I stayed up all night cooking some pizza, drinking 2 cups of coffee to get my digestive goin' cuz I feel better when I poo, and the chamomile tea was nice too.

I could feel the haze and daze creeping up on me as sunrise approached, went out at 8 am and did some PMR in the sun. Man feels bad cuz I haven't seen the sun in about 5 days cuz I slept all day the majority of this week and felt very depressed. The sun is amazing combined with no sleep. I mean, I'd rather compromise my sleep just to get a day to see the sun. It's an amazing worthwhile meditation at sunrise with the sun and doing some PMR, like wow! I come up with so many new things when I don't sleep, like my routines are offtrack and I feel like a free spirit.

So, we met up at [Confidential] and I anticipated this day wayyy too much, the thoughts 
kept coming in my mind and what I was going to say and it worked out just fine!!! It wasn't half as bad, because people are attune with me and they understand without me having to tell them. I really like that. Everything went just fine!!! Like thanks anxiety for the anticipation but seriously all you do is make me overthink and I don't need that. I did try to stop those thoughts and distract myself and also calm myself down like don't listen to those thoughts and tell them that I'll be okay. Rational thinking so and so, yeah it really worked out well, really helps calm me down.

I seem to be okay with small talk probably due to all my years of dating okcupid guys, I just got used to it. I'm not dating these guys but that dating experience bled over to small talk with guys and I can do it now just fine. I didn't even flirt, I just talked and laughed? Omg I laughed. Man. When you overcome social anxiety you feel like meh but it deserves so much more praise but you're like meh whatev, next goal! :haha I was so super talkative today, I'm glad [Confidential] started talking with me, I think that really got me rolling!!!!!!! I seem to have difficulty in the other [Confidential] meeting place and with introductions and just talking in a room sitting down. But maybe in the future, sometime soon, I'll be able to try if I remember that it's the same as when I did group-work in college. Ahh today was such a beautiful day, so nice and hot outside like 100*. I'm a helpful honest person, I'd like to show that as much as I can verbally and by taking action. And with time, I will be. I'm very thankful for this opportunity. :squeeze Man, if I can [Confidential] a [Confidential] - I can do anything!


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## SwtSurrender

If such an [Confidential] can go to Dr. Richards CBT headquarters then so can I! That's it! I'm going too! I came to realize, if I'm not somewhere then the majority of people there are missing out! No, not narcissism, the total opposite! I used to think if I was somewhere that I would mess up everyone's lives, but no!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TO BE THERE!!! Now, if I can just take this mentality and use it for going to college and work, I will be living my life. Thank ye gods! :nw


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## SwtSurrender

I just feel cheated with this meetup group. [Confidential] piece of ****. Now I understand why no females want to partake in it, only I, I must be 50% stupid or 50% smart to want to attend more than 1 group at a time! OMG I am like so cool yo! But the organizer is very intellectual, I admire his work! But otherwise it's not a fun group at all. I'll still crawl on my hands and knees for any social anxiety group that involves Dr. Richards CBT.

Piece of **** or not it's the only other social anxiety support group which is directed with Dr. Richards CBT!!! So, I am thankful anyway, anyway it is a good enough group other than Dr. Richards original group at his headquarters - if I never get accepted into it - bad luck tsk tsk.


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## SwtSurrender

Today was so nice! I still got very aroused... teehee. Wow, I already have their phone number... teehee. Happens fast, I enjoy it, and my dopamine is flowing well. Not only that but I felt really comfortable today. Doh I know why! I slept well!!!!!!!! I learned alot today, and it feels good to be learning about social anxiety from someone who went through the same. Really makes sense. You really feel the hope and recovery. I didn't talk tho but I did feel better like I could but I still didn't, but I know I could try again next time. Really felt different this time, I really wanted to do it. I told you, it's difficult in the classroom setting whereas so easy outside or meeting up somewhere else!!!!!!!! I'm gonna miss these guys, idk what's gonna happen, but it was/is a good start.

Why yes, they all behave so uninterested in me and I in them. Although, I do steal quick glimpses of them and they of me!!!!!!!!! That's always a good feeling.... But here in these situations are where my automatic rational thoughts come in handy! They desire to pork me just as much as I them. Yep, whatever you choose to believe comes true for you. I used to be so irrational when I was younger but that's normal! People can change and see things as they really are. One other thing, they did share their numbers online and that was cool so I responded. I was thinking if I would have done the same that no one would have responded to me. What a bunch of ANTs. Anyway, I'm glad I responded to the numbers provided. It really shows how much I desire to pork! I mean - it shows that I like them? :haha


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## SwtSurrender

Sucks, I haven't been to any of their weekly behavioral activities except the one I provided [Confidential]. Their idea of fun is like so not something I would do... I do feel out of place sometimes being the only female... even though it's not intentional - that I don't have a voice but they do and they're male AKA anti-feminist **********. I'm not kidding, it does feel like that and it makes me feel bad. Oh ****, my dopamine is running out! Their weekly behavioral activities are like so far away, who the hell lives in Scottsdale!!!!!!!????? Uhmmm never mind, Dr. Richards' headquarters is even farther than that. The activities are also like male-oriented... I would like to do what I want not what they want, but whatever. I can't believe they go to bars... they must be extroverts with social anxiety and I must be an introvert after all. I am sure I will enjoy Dr. Richards' more, at least he takes us to the mall and celebrates our birthdays out loud. :um :rofl


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## SwtSurrender

I'm not gonna go today. I feel weird, like suicidal. No, more like social anxiety or something. Maybe I hate them or something. Or maybe it's just my dopamine. I feel like it's a waste of time? Whatever, at least if they stuck with the rules and studied one session per week, now they do two, what the hell. It's one session per week not two. Idk, probably it's the anti-feminism and the early time. I feel out of place anyway. Who cares. Now I feel like the ANTs are making me feel this way. Meh. I'd rather just isolate and wait for Dr. Richards groups only. I feel weird, like I am irritated and angry. Why?! I exercised just fine the last couple of days. Maybe it was meant to be! For me to drop out on my own to show them that I don't feel okay in there! Rofl. Like they or anyone cares. If they text me, I won't answer. Feels the same way I felt when I stopped going to college. I feel like someone died, or like I am awaiting a death. Sucking strange feeling. Maybe I feel this way cuz I am choosing to give up on the group. Beating myself up. WOW!


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## SwtSurrender

Oh man, they found me out and read everything I wrote. I feel very regressed. Maybe it's because I was so open with them and wrote about myself and got their numbers and had small talk. Whatever, the phone number thing was and is just a joke anyway. I don't even want to pork them. I can find better ones to pork in 50 years. There must be something wrong with me especially when I am in a group with only men. I should be strong and not let other men get to me like this. Maybe I have some competition problem and hate men entirely. If I hate men then I should stand my ground and continue going to the group. No, maybe I really am a lazy fat cow. Yeah, totally, I was wayyy too outlandishly positive about everything. Well, this is how I learn. No, I don't want to use violence because it doesn't make any sense when it's just social anxiety and some other stuff that's wrong with me. They're actually not to blame, it's just me causing myself alot of ****. And if Dr. Richards keeps cancelling his groups, I might as well just have no groups to go to and then I have to study on my own and just start living my life any way. My 2017 is almost over and I haven't done anything! I feel weird, maybe I have a brain tumor or maybe I am getting early onset dementia.


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## SwtSurrender

Ah yes, I know why I felt like ****, I stopped studying again. Studying is like your preventive asthma inhaler. It's so hard when I am addicted to internet, that's why Prozac was so much easier. Didn't have to do anything. Sure, I can work it up to study for 2 weeks but then blah. And this group doesn't help either. Maybe I will be the same with Dr. Richards. He'll think I am not motivated enough. I was. I can still be. I need someone to punish me. My father gave up punishing me. He always pampers me now. I want to be on Prozac. Please, it was so much easier. I don't even live my life. Just sit around and sleep all day and wake up at night. What is this bull****. No definitely Zoloft.


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## SwtSurrender

This group was awesome. I've come to the rational conclusion that my cognitive distortions - mainly emotional reasoning - got in the way. The whole sleep deprivation thing gets in the way of my true self entirely, look what happened, I did something stupid and now I regret it. Seems that I really care about embarrassing myself, and I really hold on and replay scenes in my head just cuz someone was nice to me and I am lonely. I can't use sleep deprivation to face my social fears, I only end up acting manic and regretting everything, then it's goodbye.

Now the way Dr. Richards described the behavioral activities/hanging out with group members really gave me the piece of the puzzle. He described it more like, "being there for each other and supporting each other in the experience/moment..." I mean ****, I was skeptical up until then, I was thinking it was bull and added my emotional reasoning to it. But no way, my **** doesn't matter, what matters most is getting lost in the moment and having small talk while getting drunk - if we go to a bar. Imagine that, my time to just let loose and be wild with my ID card and no parents in the world to tell me otherwise.

But with this group, I felt like they'd be okay off without me cuz me and my emotional reasoning got in the way. Although I really felt great hanging out/supporting each other in the one behavioral activity I did go to.... If they took the time to go there, why was I acting so *****y and refused to go with them elsewhere? Avoidance, waste of time!, eh, no, who cares if it is a waste of time, it is the experience of being together and having fun/getting wild that matters most! I admit, I do have them in my memory storage and thinking back I feel good remembering them. Sucks I had to cut it short cuz my brain got overloaded all a sudden and couldn't think straight.

Apparently, there is a bar in any place these days. Just because there is a bar doesn't mean I should be stubborn and not go. I can go, I went, but I don't have to order beer baby. I don't. I won't even get peer pressured, that only happens when you're a teen. HA! But red wine, oh yes, would like sum.


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## SwtSurrender

Wow this group sucks. They formed a new group and won't even let me back in. They're having Zoom meetings without me and just because I ****ed someone in this group and I have a bad emotional reaction to it, they just use this as a way to keep me out, to isolate me, and well thank god for the Coronavirus. Just another reason to isolate me. I didn't realize back then what a sad group of people these are. I returned in late 2018 because my father kept shoving me around and I obeyed. Anyway it was going great for a while until I took Prozac in early 2019. Jesus, it's unbelievable how different everyone is. On Prozac I had a relationship with a Confidential and then it went bad as always, as you know Prozac shoots too far too fast. Anyway, there's a Confidential in this group who loves to judge me. Why? Why are people in this group targeting me? Just because I took Prozac and was blind for a while? Why are they talking behind my back and isolating me on purpose?

On Prozac I was able to hug everyone and talk to them so much. I discovered so many ****s and blind spots, I mean, without Prozac I am like Aspergers. I don't understand their body language or "social language" or something! On Prozac I was able to understand that but then this other part of me that I have, which is overthinking, overanalyzing, schizophrenia-like thinking/believeing/feeling, paranoia, depression, low self esteem, etc. You know those things we have that protect us from going too far or keeping ourselves in check so we don't get hurt. Prozac took all that away from me. I can't live like this! And I wonder what really happened.

It's really sad, most of them are people I wouldn't want to interact with at all, but Prozac me does want to. It sucks. I would never take medication again. It destroys all my group friends, it destroys any beginnings I try to create, it just makes people see me and judge me, but this is not the real me! I am so not sorry for what happened. I'm just sorry you guys are so judgemental of me. It's really sad. Do you think maybe I should go? I should give up and not go back to this group? Just because I ****ed someone and have breaking up feelings?

Man, why did I take Prozac when I have Bipolar I? I am so crazy. Man those guys judged me so bad. I mean, when you break up with someone you're not supposed to talk **** and blame me, just say you're Confidential and that's all. It's pretty sad, how dumb in my cognition and consciousness I become on Prozac. Jesus. But one nice thing that comes from Prozac is that I learned to retaliate. When they say something bad to me -- I say something bad in return. Sure it feels like having Borderline Personality Disorder, but it helps. Otherwise I'd keep blaming my own self, forever and ever, and well I blame Confidential.

Another thing I learned is that I can't take Prozac and be my careful, calculating, loner, schizo, paranoid, depressed, laid back, introvert, celibate, extra virgin oily self! Man what a ride, another ****ing mess! Maybe one day I will get it right. Yes maybe I should go about my life with what friends I did get from this group, that was so nice, ahh, like a dream come true. How do I get so many awesome people?! But some of them are really bad, oof, what is wrong with these people? I don't know but it seems those people who have trouble with other people and join in a group for social anxiety have much more problems it seems.

I should be like most of you guys who keep your emotional distance from people. Don't join groups, don't have emotional attachments when dating. But I can't do that. I am so emotional in dating and on Prozac it's even worse. It's like, I am okay right now but if I take Prozac I become a self that's very similar to Psychopaths and Borderline Personality Disorder. This one Confidential was probably unavailable emotionally and when I take Prozac that's all I get with. It's pretty obvious, Prozac just introduces me to my subconscious behavioral self and I live out her life not mine. Oof, what a major pain in the arse that is matey. That's like reliving a major nightmare over and over again about my traumatic childhood, my mother beating me to a pulp and my father joining in, and then several other crazy horny males having their ways with me on Prozac-dating, Jesus, that's enough to kill someone. But I don't want to give up, I deserve better things without psychiatric medication in my life.

Yeah so since they're ignoring me until I go away, uh well okay then. I think I can handle my life and probably don't need to go back to this special oh so special group! You know how it is when they isolate someone right? Everyone talks **** about you and even others trust and agree with Confidential that yes, I am wrong and they are all right. It's a pretty sad bullying tactic in groups and I think that's how the majority of my life has been. Everyone finds a reason to ignore me or tell others to stay away from me. Ouch I wouldn't do that to you baby. Well anyway, meh, I don't feel bad. But I should talk about it. It feels good to v-e-n-t.

But yeah yeah, I think I can socialize okay by now and things don't last forever so, I'll be okay with my introvert loner self. I won't be alone forever, I already have a couple bosoms happily shaking to my frequency and we so happy together or so I'd like to think. And Coronavirus just introduced us to a whole new world so, well I never thought I'd live to see this reality, but here it is, now I can go back under the rock and it's normal. Thank God, you know. Try so hard to fit in and taste everything and then you end up under a rock all over again. But no, I lost and won. I came out so, so strong. Ahh, I will always remember his smile, such an attractive Confidential. Well I stay acquaintances/friends anyway, I can't, we have so many memories together, eh um I am not talking about the guy I ****ed though. Haaaaaa. Oops. I hope they see this. Lol!

Butt yeah, **** this group, if someone asks why I ain't got no group I should just tell the truth that I am those rare loners that don't want to fit in cuz I be woke af like Jim Carrey foo, *******. Seriously without Prozac I would never know they were talking **** about me and others as well. Immature *****. My higher self(no Prozac) doesn't want me hanging with these mother****ers, so whatever already. I just can't seem to let them win, but maybe I should, because I ****ing deserve better. So I should say thank you for ignoring me and yeah I'll just show myself out.






Hmm nah, I contributed a lot to this group so I don't have it in me to just leave just because they're judging me. I contributed a lot, I have an attitude and I met some awesome people and I had a lot of socializing with them and I enjoyed it. It must be the Coronavirus and a lot of people crying with unstable moods, so I'll give them time to get back to me when they can, without pressuring. I'm not crying, I'm handling this Pandemic very okay, I'm surprised. But it seems I'm just not the kind of person to use Zoom or other video chatting. I keep to myself and just hang with whoever is in the household/family. It doesn't bother me much to be alone with internet, books, games, painting, dreams, music. Yeah take your time guys, cry together, I am not missing out. I think they're sending me messages with their silences, that's okay, as you can see I understand their messages with my (schizophrenia-like thinking/feeling/behaving) rofl. But it's good, I do need a break anyway, I need to flow in other directions as well, it's good for growth.

It doesn't make any sense. :rofl Maybe I graduated this group and I can move on. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe it's the same as the Social Anxiety Institute groups, maybe it's just for a while. Anyway, all this just takes me back to where I am in my core, alone/loner/solo, but with a lot more programs in my subconscious, so thanks guys, I should thank myself because I did it. Ahh I love my core self, it shows me that I don't need anyone, or any groups, what matters most is my lit core and choosing to be around the right people that aren't too jealous of me to put my fire out. Yes, maybe I should move on. It's okay for me to be alone with my core, cuz at least I don't feel as alone as I feel when I go to this specific group. Hmm maybe I can be part of this group as a graduated person without actually going to it. Yeah, pretty twisted but yeah, alrighty then.


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## SwtSurrender

It's pretty sad, they were avoiding me when we used to hang out at events and some people in the group have such a untasteful disgusting personality where they think it's funny to plan an event and then just because they don't show up for it then it never takes place. Who the **** is that? A ****ing huge ego! A disgusting individual. The last time I went there was just me by myself in July 2019. We were supposed to meet and hang out together as a group but just because I was there, no one came. I had to go by myself. Why should I be part of this group when I am a loner every single time? Sure it was fun in the beginning when I was new, but now they're all acting retarded and I am not interested in this disrespectul bunch. ****ing bull**** thing this so called "social anxiety support group" this is. **** you and **** your social anxiety bull****. I can find better people, even crazier people like me who will respect me. This group is nuts. Stay away folks.

There's a huge problem here because I am female and most of them are males, they get scared or something when I take charge and act like I own the group. So what!? They get so scared when I have a penis all of a sudden and am not a submissive *****! Don't need to apologize for the way I handle events or the way I want to plan some events. There's no freedom here, you either follow the rest like a sheep or you get the **** out. I can't stand groups, I found out, I need to be in charge and they got scared. Oops! I guess I am really a real loner and I don't want to be your ***** just to fit in and have a submissive bowing and scraping life. So what if I ****ing went to the Social Anxiety Institutue? I ****ing studied better than that distasteful Confidential and I'm proud. And it shows.

Anyway, someone else who isn't in this group inspired me to just go solo to events I wanted to go outside of this group. This person probably doesn't like this group as well and can smell the stench from miles away. Good on you! So then I went solo, flying high, alone, with no one to put my fire out since late 2018. And guess what, it's a whole lot more fun than going with this group. This group doesn't even exist for someone like me, whenever I want to go they just avoid me, or don't show up. Alot of people do show up but not all of them, and they love to manipulate me emotionally. I'm not schizophrenic but I'd sure love to be to make this group come out in a better light but they don't deserve it. Fine don't talk to me! I'm a ****ing loner and I am ****ing proud! **** this society and all this fitting in bull****. You can fit in like a loner and you're okay. My social anxiety keeps me away from *******s like these.

I'd rather do the online therapy and go to events by myself, far far away from this group or anyone in it. Yeah, that's what they wanted. Whatever, go see them and give it a try for yourself, maybe you are a ***** and they can make you bow and scrape. No the thing is, I'd be a loner if I continue to hang out or try to fit in with a group of people that are not for me. Yeah, that's ****ing it! Wow. I finally realized why most loners just stay loners. ****! I think I have a huge ego and I wonder if people with Personality Disorders just don't fit in and are more likely to be loners. When they judge me they judge in their own language. They'll never judge the real me because I am Romanian and I am ****ing glad, *****! I'd rather go to Romanian group than this bull**** social anxiety English group. :rofl


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## SwtSurrender

I hope the Confidential people in this group, some acquaintances some enemies, will be open to receive my apologies, condolences, forgiveness for my cluster A, B, C, or D personality disorder. Aside from that, no one really cares what disorders I really have, if it's a social anxiety group, it is just that. So then, without my emotional reaction, I am very grateful for this group. It really helped me achieve a couple of baby steps. After I was done with the Social Anxiety Institute group I was very depressed all over again and this group was life saving. I was actually able to start again with this group in 2018, the first time was 2017. So I was having selective mutism in the SAI group and couldn't talk in the classroom setting, but with this group I could. It's a major achievement to be able to baby step in this group and talk like I just don't care, major!

I shouldn't talk negatively about this group. I had a lot of fun going to places to hang out with them and do things together. I just have too big of an ego and when I take Prozac it just erases my mind and mixes me up and I forget the nice times we had together. But Prozac also helped me in this group when I took it, at least this group was there for me with meds and without meds. It was something interesting to experience for me personally as I am interested in my psyche. I'm ****ing crazy! But I don't want to be drugged against my will. It was my choice to take the meds, I was feeling so bad, mostly because my family doctor looks down upon me. Now I feel a whole lot better. What a ride! So if I do get to have chances to go to similar groups or this one, I will try again with none of the old problems. :rofl


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## D'avjo

are you still dirty as fck?


lol jk


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## SwtSurrender

D'avjo said:


> are you still dirty as fck?
> 
> lol jk


Yes I am


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## SwtSurrender

It's interesting how I went from having social anxiety about joining this specific group all the way to being thrown out and socially rejected by them. Why do they ignore me when I message them even? Where are their ****ing balls? Why not confront me and tell me what the hell is up? Well at least I have ovaries. It's fine, I feel better if I don't become so enmeshed with them anyway, I'm too easily influenced and can become enmeshed and forget myself in groups or in relationships. It's funny, very funny. 

I don't want to tell them what I am doing every single day, as it was how we were doing things, because that's how it was at the Social Anxiety Institute. My ****ing daily journal, my ****ing "proactivity report". Sometimes it's better to be an independent loner, because that's what you become anyway, there's no real groups out there unless you give yourself up completely because you're a ****ing coward and want to fit in. That's the only way to fit in, you become no one, you become them. No thanks. 

There's too much gossip in groups and disgusting personalities. And my bipolar has nothing to do with it, even better for being bipolar that I can be a ***** and refuse their bowing and scraping. Imagine that, a social anxiety group actually judging you and guess what social anxiety is real! Here it is! They're causing social anxiety for me, especially in the form of social rejection, their accumulation of disgusting personalities, their silent treatments, and judging. 

Is it really that hard to reply to me? Even on this website, is it really that hard to read my review and reply, show me you have balls? I have ovaries and I am ready to be harvested and no one ****ing wants it! Well, at least I learned something about groups now, especially for specific disorders, ****ing they're ****ing causing this disorder. Maybe not in the beginning because it's like new, like a dating/relationship, you know how in the beginning everyone is on their best behaviors. But as times goes by, all this gossiping and judging and the way they treat you, ugh, then it ends finally, like ghosting, okay bye ***************. 

Whatever, I am an individual and I feel much so much better, alone, loner life. I have so much proof that I am a loner. It's obvious that other people cause me/us to be this way. Other people, hmm, maybe I should use it, this social anxiety disorder, to keep me away from these mothersuckers. Wow, imagine that, imagine you can use your disorders to save your ****ing life. Thank God! God, if you exist, I ****ing love you. Why cry and be depressed when your disorders are your saving grace? Haha, I ****ing love my disorders now and forever and I am ****ing happy.


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## D'avjo

SwtSurrender said:


> Yes I am


lol ok.


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## SwtSurrender

Hmm maybe I shouldn't date and have sexual feelings within my own circle. This was apparently a social circle of mine next to the Social Anxiety Institute one. I didn't date or sex anyone there, I should have kept it that way with this group. **** I messed up! That's what dating sites are for. 

Hmm maybe even in the jobs that's why they recommend you don't have sexual relations there. You might lose your job! Like I lost this group. ****, my ****ing social circle. Man how sad, extremely sad. But it's all prozac's fault, the prozac personality I get is extremely retarded and destroys everything. 

I wouldn't have sex with anyone in my circle without this personality from prozac, I promise! I know better! My social anxiety disorder knows better, it knows how to behave and keep circles I worked so hard for! I'm very disappointed in prozac, look what it has done to me! I am inexperienced with groups and social circles, it seems, especially when I take prozac. 

Man what a pity. A huge mistake! I keep making such stupid mistakes and am always in revenge mode and attacking people with my toddler emotions while on prozac. Oh man I am so saddened by the turn of things. I guess losing a group or social circle means that I broke a rule. 

I probably broke some rules if they don't want to accept me in their new group. Maybe there's a no dating rule I didn't know about. I guess all things have their place in this world, prozac is for mental hospitals, dating is on dating sites, social circle is friendship only, jobs are jobs, sex is sex, everything should fit in a certain box. 

And I should be more careful with my bipolar mania and avoid stimulating drugs that turn me into a different personality that takes social circles for granted or uses them like dating sites. I'm so disappointed in myself, I deserve to become a nun, and close this door between my legs forever. Until one day I get reincarnated again and come out the door, and it opens once more into infinity.


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## SwtSurrender

Hmm I guess they keep me in their friend's list on facebook like watching me but not wanting to talk to me. I have several people who do that, it just feels like they don't respect me and don't like me and like I don't deserve a reply. Touche. I also have a couple of people in my friend's list on facebook who I treat the same. I can feel it, especially if I don't like them and they give me bad vibes in my gut instinct and mood. 

Yeah yeah, it's definitely very nice to just keep each other in friend's list and just keep our distances and avoid talking to each other, because let's face it, we're not on the same level. Anyway, I don't get mad and abuse them for an answer, no no, I have extra dark chocolate to take care of that and my personal health adventures for extra raging hormonal relief.

Otherwise, most of my comments I hope they can get inspired by because that's all I can offer if they don't want to reply to me. Maybe if I was taking Prozac then yes, I would probably abuse them with my toddler emotions. But now, years can pass by and there they are still in my friend's list, and who cares. I don't want anyone to babysit me or me to babysit them.

I realize I am a bad girl sometimes, especially with my toddler emotions whilst in love on Prozac. I realize I have bipolar and sometimes I make stupid choices and treat people like ****. I do realize that. But I am done crying, I won't cry and ruin their moods. Too bad they don't know I am different now. I chose the light side, since then, never felt better, since I stopped looking for it, it just comes and bothers me instead. 

I put up walls and they come out of nowhere and tear it down. Why? Just leave me alone. But no. Once you stop looking, you really do get what you want. Oof. A whole new world. Dang, why, I didn't even want this, but here it is. Yes, I got it, because I stopped looking for it so hard. And now it's ****ing annoying and I can't make them stop bothering me.

I have no problem being a schizoid and people in my friend's list not replying or talking to me, even when I initiate conversations myself because I don't take it personally. That helps, I understand the desire to ignore people who are giving you bad vibes with their bipolar problems, bad memories together, it feels like replying to your ****ing ex's who only want more casual stuff. 

Actually not replying and talking to someone makes me feel so good, especially when it takes weeks, months, to reply. And with these Confidential I don't care if they never get in touch with me. I definitely need to run for the hills from them, it's so helpful for my own personal health and self care to avoid these Confidentials and well it's nothing personal I promise. I just feel like I deserve respect and I need to widen my horizons. They showed me the door and I shouldn't take the exit for granted!


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## SwtSurrender

**** I just had a dream about them last night! Omg, this never happened in a million years to dream about them! It's so uncanny! Well the dream was nice, it was too expected to feel like a dream so it felt like real life. We were nice together to each other and I was socializing and not cursing or throwing tantrums. They were behaving with me like they did in the past, very nice and the same behavior it seems. 

Hmm, very interesting. I wonder maybe I send myself dreams with certain people so I can send myself messages to my own subconscious. So, all in all, dreaming about them is not a direct message between our subconscious. Hmm, dang, I always thought we were communicating together in dreams. But guess not. Otherwise, it was nice to see them in my dream and I'm glad it was a pleasant dream of friendliness and nothing bad. 

Oh I think I was without clothes and my body was weird and I was hugging someone I love. We were stuck together, I was lava and my skin was glued to them after I took them out of the swing. I told them they were swinging on their belly and it was funny. And others were looking at us being stuck together so close, skin to skin. Dang, that was a weird dream, even worse I was in their apartment and was gathering up my stuff and there was a lot of stuff. So I guess I was saying my goodbyes.


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## SwtSurrender

I sent that request to join their new group *months ago* and *crickets* and a few months ago I saw on my facebook timeline their facebook page about a zoom meeting in May. Oh my guts are spilling over with immense jealousy of missing out! I realized something, I've fallen off the horse this year a lot, not caring so much to overcome my social anxiety anymore. Especially not in terms of forcing myself to go in a group that my gut and instincts scream no and suffocate me with bad vibes and negative emotions. I shouldn't force myself to overcome social anxiety and my avoidance if I feel this bad about something. Feeling bad should serve as a dead end and take a new path in life, I shouldn't have to force myself into this feeling so I can feel better, I don't think I would feel better. 

I realized something about the facebook timeline, I've followed some pages which I don't like at all so I unfollowed them and this process is similar to what we allow in our minds, our thoughts and feelings and even who we allow into our lives. I should be a coward and unfollow people I don't like and not keep them around just for the sake of it. I should be a true loner. But nah, my schizophrenia vibes are too huge and I am a friendly person to the right people, I won't let a few stinking rotten eggs change who I am. If I made some stupid mistakes they weren't comfortable with, it doesn't mean someone else will react the same. I should keep being me and making the same stupid mistakes, like becoming intimate with someone at first sight. It's just my fairy dust and it works for me. When these stinking rotten eggs approved of me they were drunk, at least I was sober.


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## SwtSurrender

I think people in this group have Aspergers. The worst time in my life is when I decide to take Prozac and put moves on guys with Aspergers. The worst time! I'd rather be without medication so I can understand my own way of understanding social cues and what they give out to me. They don't give out anything to me, and because I take Prozac and am blind, I just put moves on them and think they like me, but they don't! That's why when I take antidepressants, especially the stimulating Prozac, I behave strange like I have Aspergers.

I don't want to do the dating job for men, they're supposed to put moves on women. I'm sick and tired of taking Prozac because I am desperate and blind myself to the reciprocating ability to read social cues 100% to a T with my own social anxiety disorder powers. **** that **** mate! It's pretty obvious when you're highly stimulated on amphetamine drugs like Prozac, Adderall, etc which make you behave like you have ADHD and Aspergers, then no wonder you'll put moves blindly on people. It's like being drunk and not having a say in the matter. Just have to go along with whatever chemicals are reacting in my brain that special day.

I'd rather have Antisocial Personality Disorder and stay away from people because they all suck. Here I am a nice retarded girl that takes Prozac because I'm desperate to overcome my social anxiety and they take advantage of me. Why can't they just say no and avoid me from the beginning? Why do they have to give me a chance and take advantage of me and diagnose me in the process? I don't need their diagnonsense, I already have one from a doctor. I can diagnose them of course, but they can't do it to me. That's insulting. Anyway, majority of people who have socializing problems have Aspergers and are on the Autism Spectrum. And I'm done blinding myself with Prozac just to give them a piece of me which they stomp on and throw away.

Man think about it, all of life depends on how you socialize with folks, can't live life without this socializing. In Autism, I read there's a problem with understanding social cues and emotion on people's faces. So being in a group which gives you these strange folks who have trouble understanding you is a major disaster because they end up blaming you because they don't understand you. That's Austim for you, even high-functioning Autism is that same. Alot of anger, avoidance, and fear. That's why it's better to keep to yourself, have a job, go to school, and avoid groups for socializing problems because they're too ambiguous, and they are inherently extra bullying you don't need.

Think back to everything that happened in your life and how you blamed yourself that's it's your fault everything ended. Nah, it's not all my fault. They're also to blame. No one is mental disorder free, everyone has something. I don't like when people become victims and they take all the blame when things go wrong and they say they don't deserve this or that because of their mental disorders. Excuse me? Everyone has mental disorders, so get it in your head that it's not your fault, even if I did take Prozac and my persona turned upsidedown, it's my fault I ****ed up theirs as well. But it's also their fault for ****ing with me. So in this way, if you look at the big picture of life and psychology of people's ****ed up brains, it's no one's fault, we just all have to be clear-minded and stay away from drugs and trust our own social cues/gut instincts and to be extra careful when interacting with people because they could be like us but very different.

And it's okay to be alone.


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## SwtSurrender

I wonder why I want to read books about how to get a job. I don't need to read books about how to get friends or how to socialize except the Social Anxiety Institute for overcoming social anxiety. Why is it not already in my subconscious and I have to learn it? I have to learn it in my conscious mind and hope I learn it, practice it, overlearn it, until it goes inside my subconscious where I can use it freely whenever I want like how you drive a car.

Oi it makes so much sense now! I also needed to learn how to ride a bike before I did it whenever I wanted. I also had to learn how to socialize before I did it whenever I wanted! So what's the big deal if I have to read how to books aka self help books? Why the heck is my subconscious so deprived?! Is it Aspergers or avoidance from social anxiety disorder? The answer could be both and more! But it's so easy to blame others for my lack of things in life, it's not their problem that my subconscious is deprived, it's my own fault for avoiding to learn more!

Ah Bruce Lipton, he said it first and then I finally understood the problems in my life! Like they send us to school early in our life just to get those programs of life loaded into out subconscious and when we grow up they expect us to have it all there to figure life out and live happy! But things do go wrong with childhood trauma, blockages in subconscious programming, family teachings and environment teachings, and your own temperament, and so much more!

I wonder why I'm throwing such a huge tantrum and I dread learning new things! I need to learn these things to program them in my subconscious so I can live a better life! You know that first episode in Electric Dreams where you can choose to live a good life or to live a bad life? Your subconscious chooses for you! It's so ****ing nightmarish the decisions my subconscious chooses because there is no me!

The subconscious is habits, o m g, habits! That's why we have to learn new things to make them stick in our subconscious so they can become habits! Wow I love learning about the brain but at the same time I love giving up and becoming a victim in my life because my subconscious is choosing to sabotage! My subconscious, like in episode one of Electric Dreams, is choosing the bad life! O m g, my subconscious feels like I deserve loss! I don't know but it feels like I deserve to be punished and having a good life feels like I don't deserve it. I guess that's how Prozac + other medications can help you overcome your own subconscious and choose a better life for you.

Don't blame me, blame my subconscious.  Ah yes, now it makes sense why people want to get better but they can't because of their subconscious. But it's hard to change, for change you need to go against your subconscious and go with your 5% conscious where you have to learn and repeat something that you do want to become part of your subconscious.


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## SwtSurrender

Maybe I have Autism. But listen, it's not nice of them to compete with me and call me immature and a house plant vegetable just because I'm not at the same status level as they are. Like they don't have empathy to avoid calling me names and bullying me. <--This is one reason I think they have Aspergers. It's like they avoid and ignore me just because I'm not at the same level they are. That's fine, I realize it that it's better to run away and ignore and avoid a person that doesn't help themselves climb the social ladder like you. I mean what have you got to lose? Run away from me, ignore me, avoid me, don't talk to me until I reach that social ladder.

Anyway, it's not nice of them to do that but I guess I deserve it. I wouldn't "change" otherwise so I think they're smart for the way they choose to treat me. But anyway some of them who call me names just because they're climbing the social ladder so effortlessly and I'm not, well this makes me think they're Aspergers. I had another experience with an Aspergers person before and they called me names too just because I wasn't improving my life as fast as they were. I mean what the hell? I hate this competition and making others feel worthless just because you can do it and I don't want to do it, yet. It's ****ing sad. But I know what I have to do now, once I get on with it finally then I will continue to ignore them, avoid them, run away from them. I'm not looking to get on the social ladder and then come back to this bull****.

Thank God for female Autism, we're much different and we get stomped on from competitive males who treat us like **** and run like horses and throw hooves of **** on us. It's strange but I enjoy being a female, males are coldhearted and race and compete and show off in your face how much better than you they are just because they have status. That's not nice. They're lacking in something when they treat me like this or maybe there's just something wrong with me and by being shunned out and treated like **** maybe I am supposed to learn something. I learned something alright, which Prozac took away from me, social anxiety AKA keep to yourself and take care of yourself because no one else will. 

**** these kinds of people who I try to date and befriend who only care that I don't become a parasite who sucks on them like I suck on my own family. I didn't want to suck on anyone I thought that's how dating works. No that's not how life works people! You need to take care of your own *** financially first before dating. No one wants to take care of you and no one is expecting to take care of you. I can't suck anyone but myself. I can't expect anyone to take care of me, thanks Prozac. Anyway it feels better to own myself and who I want in my life, who can suck on me and who sucks on them. They're probably scared that I would suck on them which is why they run away from me. Haha. Guess again *****. I'm more mature than they are. And I'm not coming back.


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## SwtSurrender

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do."


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## Fixxer




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## SwtSurrender

The worst part is they ask money to be in this group. How the heck does everyone in this group have a job and I don't? I don't know! I didn't even have $25 a month, it's like going to church, another judgmental place and donating just to feel like you fit in but actually you don't, you just give your money away. At least in a job, they pay you and you still get to be around judgmental people and you don't fit in. 

I don't want to pay you money to go to your group baby.

Even worse, while being on Prozac I wanted to give them large amount of donations as any crazy manic person does. Why on earth? This is my ****ing money, and I feel much better when I bury myself with it in my own grave than give it to you. I think we share those feelings, yes, mutually we can agree that it's better to eat than share our food with someone.


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