# Question for females here: Is it sexist/offensive when a guy compliments your looks?



## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Do you get offended or find it sexist when a guy compliments you on your looks?

I have come across a video where a nervous guy with social anxiety tries to practice having confidence by complimenting a female on her looks. The normal female got offended and found it sexist. It's at the 1:37 mark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3BEtw_gMX8#t=97
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3BEtw_gMX8#t=97

I wonder if you ever feel objectified whenever a guy does this to you. I'm trying to come up with a reason why this is offensive and sexist for you and the only thing that I can come up with is that maybe you feel objectified whenever this happens to you. I guess you want people to compliment you on what's in the inside rather than what's on the outside.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Context, always context.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Lol. Somehow as soon as I saw the thread title, I knew it was you who made this thread @Setolac. 

If someone were to compliment me on my looks in person, I would feel flattered but also a little nervous/awkward and suspicious that they've complimented a bunch of other girls that day.


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## Charmeleon (Aug 5, 2010)

Again with the "females". Is there like..something preventing you from referring to women as women and not female's :/


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Technically, I think it is sexist, but for some reason, it doesn't offend me- it annoys me. I think it's because men are more often judged on their skills and personal attributes- what makes them an interesting individual. Women are often just judged by the way they look, something 100% incidental and that says nothing about your character as a human being. 

I understand that some people are just trying to be nice though, and so I just smile and say thank you graciously, and try to change the subject of conversation. 

I would much prefer if men just tried talking to me like a person, like ask me about my interests, or what I am like, or what I like to do? Once someone has taken the time to get to know me, then I don't mind compliments about appearance as much, but I still prefer them to be side-notes in conversation, and not a focal point of discussion. It can also just be embarrassing to get compliments on appearance. 

I don't see myself as pretty, and I don't really have a strong desire to- I just want to be a worthwhile person, in a more meaningful way. I want my value to largely be judged on things I have control over, and my appearance is just something I inherited by chance. I didn't earn it. It has nothing to do with who I am. Besides, when too much emphasis is placed on female beauty, that just makes it so that when someone dislikes you, they immediately try to insult your appearance to knock you down a peg, as if that is the worst thing they could do to a woman, and that's the other side of the coin, as far as placing too much emphasis on beauty in evaluating women.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

I don't see it as offensive.. I know how to take compliments ^^


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## DeniseAfterAll (Jul 28, 2012)

Awkward people are like spiders and mice . 'Normal' people are terrified of them .. when in fact , they're twice as scared as they are .. and will only ever bite if provoked .. or will likely just take the knocks and run away .

Nature arranged a pretty paradoxical existence for us to figure out . Life would be a lot easier if you could just adhere to a single ideology and just keep moving in that direction . Sadly .. you're always going to offend people and make them unhappy .


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Sugarslippers said:


> I don't see it as offensive.. I know how to take compliments ^^





mezzoforte said:


> Lol. Somehow as soon as I saw the thread title, I knew it was you who made this thread @Setolac.
> 
> If someone were to compliment me on my looks in person, I would feel flattered but also a little nervous/awkward and suspicious that they've complimented a bunch of other girls that day.


That's interesting. So you don't feel objectified and don't find it sexist at all?



mcmuffinme said:


> Technically, I think it is sexist, but for some reason, it doesn't offend me- it annoys me. I think it's because men are more often judged on their skills and personal attributes- what makes them an interesting individual. Women are often just judged by the way they look, something 100% incidental and that says nothing about your character as a human being.
> 
> I understand that some people are just trying to be nice though, and so I just smile and say thank you graciously, and try to change the subject of conversation.


So it would be better if a guy compliments you on your personality and skills rather than on your looks?


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Setolac said:


> That's interesting. So you don't feel objectified and don't find it sexist at all?


 no, my friend told me that I looked nice, one that I was beautiful, pretty ect.

I see nothing wrong with it... they're positive comments..

its not like they said.. "ay, you got a fat azz... or tig old bitties"XD

As long as the compliments aren't derogative .. Im fine

and I also wouldn't mind getting comps on my personality, or other traits..

as long as its positive..

I accept it lol


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

Setolac said:


> So it would be better if a guy compliments you on your personality and skills rather than on your looks?


Yes, absolutely! I mean, you can only say so much about appearances anyway. The whole conversation is shallow, and bound to collapse into itself. I know a lot of us hate small-talk, and I think those kind of compliments, PARTICULARLY when they are made as a greeting from people you don't know, fall into the small-talk category.

I would also like to talk about opinions, ideas, interests, ambitions, and share some laughs. I think good conversation is universal, regardless of genitals, and I'd much rather talk about a great deal of things that are not at all related to my appearance.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Depends on the way it's done


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## lethe1864 (Jun 25, 2014)

It just depends, if the compliment is sleazy then yes i would be offended, if it is respectful like (you look nice today) that's fine 

sleazy = sexual overtones (mentioning certain body parts etc..), predatory behaviour (just trying to get a date/number; pickup lines; being aggressive)

in general i dont take compliments well.. but that's just me, but i wouldnt feel objectified if it was respectful i would just be speechless lol

haha i just realized someone already said this


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

@Setolac why do you ignore the questions about only using the words female or females?

*prepared to be ignored*


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

It's only creepy an offensive if you're ugly. Sad, but true. My sis actually says she wouldn't mind receiving those kind of compliments as long as the guy is hot and not old.


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## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

Setolac said:


> I have come across a video where a nervous guy with social anxiety tries to practice having confidence by complimenting a female on her looks. The normal female got offended and found it sexist. It's at the 1:37 mark.


This part sounds like a transcript from the Discovery channel tbh... definitely some othering going on with the referring to the guy as just a "guy" but the girl as "the normal female"


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

East said:


> Staff Edit


I have warned you time and time again that you should be careful with your words.



sad vlad said:


> Staff Edit


It is not me that sees sexism in everything, as you can see that it is the female in the video who has mentioned it. I am merely an observer that is questioning what other people are manifesting.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Men complimenting isn't any different to women complimenting me imo, especially these days. Sleazy comments will just get ignored.

_Staff Edit_


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Men complimenting isn't any different to women complimenting me imo, especially these days. Sleazy comments will just get ignored.


This was originally posted in the frustration part of the forum. Someone decided to transfer it here. Why are you mean to me?


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## Choci Loni (May 12, 2011)

Well, I'm not a woman (=female) but I think it's kind of tiring how women get complimented on their looks while men get complimented on being funny or smart etc. Things are changing in the right direction, but still.

Not saying it has to be wrong in all contexts. Just trying to comment on the general patterns.


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## GangsterOfLove (Apr 23, 2013)

No, I take what I can get.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

We live in a patriarchal society where women have to deal with getting lots of comments and sometimes compliments about their looks, but not as many comments and compliments about their personality, knowledge, and skills. But I think most women have learned to deal with this fact and expect having guys who like them compliment them on their looks. Because of this, I think it's a good idea for most guys to compliment women on their looks, especially if they're in a relationship with her.



DeniseAfterAll said:


> Awkward people are like spiders and mice . 'Normal' people are terrified of them .. when in fact , they're twice as scared as they are .. and will only ever bite if provoked .. or will likely just take the knocks and run away .


Wow never thought about it that way, but what you said is absolutely right.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Woman at 1:37 is a confirmed women's study major. For the ~min afterwards that I watched, no other girl accused the youtube dude of being sexist.

That being said, I don't like compliments. They just seem insincere for the most part, especially if they were to come from someone that I don't know.



RadnessaurousRex said:


> Again with the "females". Is there like..something preventing you from referring to women as women and not female's :/





East said:


> Staff Edit


I also do this a lot. Usually we seem to be talking about college aged people on SAS, and I just find it awkward to refer to college aged kids as "men and women". I guess I tend to reserve that for people ~>25. So, I instead just tend to use terms like "males, guys, girls, females" to include people of all ages.

No idea if Setolac is the same, though.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

Whether someone uses "female" or "woman" is a matter of preference. Stop trying to shove your preferences down other people's throats.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Setolac said:


> I have warned you time and time again that you should be careful with your words.


then let me tell you for the four billionth time: _*i do not care*

_


Esteban said:


> Whether someone uses "female" or "woman" is a matter of preference. Stop trying to shove your preferences down other people's throats.


lmfao this isn't about *~*preference*~*

_Staff Edit_


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

some people can take a compliment BADLY... because it conflict with their inner belief.


if you compliment a person with BDD or maybe very bad self esteem about how they look ( like I had used to) because the person perceiver themselves as ugly,,, then they will take a compliment as a rotten lie... and they wont believe the compliment and could even be hurt of upset by it ( like I used to be)

otherwise, I cannot understand why someone would think a compliment was sexist.

I'd like MORE women to give me compliments on how I look. But I have been told that women hardly ever do that to a guy. other wise I can never know if no one thinks me attractive.... or they do and just not prepared to say it.


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

oh gawd another one of these threads...


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

No, that's great, in fact, I was awaiting a compliment from one guy but never got it.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> No, that's great, in fact, I was awaiting a compliment from one guy but never got it.


You are cute. Now you got it.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

Depends.

If a stranger called me a sexi mami, that would make me uncomfortable. Don't do that unless I have on booty shorts with my booty cheeks hanging out. Honestly, when I see women walking down the street like that, I want to holla at them too. It looks like that's what they want anyways.

If a stranger said I looked beautiful, I'd be flattered. A homeless guy on the side of the street said that to me and I thought it was sweet lol.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

sad vlad said:


> You are cute. Now you got it.


Thank you, Vlad. :hug You are hot.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Holy **** that creep in the video. I'd be looking for security guards. 


Also, females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

Shameful said:


> Holy **** that creep in the video. I'd be looking for security guards.


Isn't that part of the act? These guys are obviously trolling, even though they're pretty bad at it...



Shameful said:


> Also, females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys females guys


Shemales?


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## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

I actually decided to watch the video. Looks like she tried to ignore him and only said something _after _he tried to guilt trip her with the "you hurt my feelings with that" line. Dunno about you, but that sounds like the response of a rational person, not the next Andrea Dworkin.

The anti-intellectualism concerning women's studies is also getting pretty old. Legitimate criticism may exist of the field, but most bashing of it I've seen is simply people regurgitating what their paranoid, anti-SJW buddies have told them.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

It wouldn't bother me because it hardly ever happens. If it did, and it was a positive comment, if anything it would cheer me up.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

East said:


> lmfao this isn't about *~*preference*~*


No. It isn't "_extremely_" telling. It's only telling within context. But, since I don't know anything about the OP...



East said:


> Staff Edit


I don't care.

I only care insofar as I use the word "female" at times to describe women and girls, mainly for reasons similar to what Raeden laid out.


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Esteban said:


> No. It isn't "_extremely_" telling. It's only telling within context. But, since I don't know anything about the OP...


Really??



Esteban said:


> I don't care.
> 
> I only care insofar as I use the word "female" at times to describe women and girls, mainly for reasons similar to what Raeden laid out.


yes, _at times, _as in "there is a time and place for using this word but not all the time exclusively" did you totally miss my point completely

_Staff Edit_


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

East said:


> Really??


Cut out the arrogance. No, like I said, it depends on context, meaning the person's character. It could simply be an idiosyncrasy. If I met some random dude who did that, I wouldn't think anything of it unless his tone and his other statements indicated otherwise. That was the point I made that you clearly missed.



East said:


> yes, _at times, _as in "there is a time and place for using this word but not all the time exclusively" did you totally miss my point completely


Yeah. Great. Gloating. Good for you. You are intimately familiar with the OP. Congrats.

_Staff Edit_


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## East (Jul 22, 2013)

Esteban said:


> Cut out the arrogance. No, like I said, it depends on context, meaning the person's character. It could simply be an idiosyncrasy. If I met some random dude who did that, I wouldn't think anything of it unless his tone and his other statements indicated otherwise. That was the point I made that you clearly missed.
> 
> Yeah. Great. Gloating. Good for you. You are intimately familiar with the OP. Congrats.


this is almost funny, thank you for the almost-laugh


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

East said:


> this is almost funny, thank you for the almost-laugh


More arrogance. Great. How lovely.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Honest to god guys, speaking from a woman with a lot of experience in this department, you don't want to outright compliment a woman on her looks, you just lost all your power, a part of your appeal and you pushed her further from your **** than you intended.


There's this pick-up technique which I can vouch for that works on me, it's called the 'neg' combined insult disguised in the form of a compliment.


Usually if he's complimenting like that from the start I assume he's super horny and therefore desperate which undermines the sincerity of it and I take it with a grain of salt, it's a small ego booster but doesn't hold any weight with it in the end.

You want to come off with a SLIGHT bit of arrogance, combine that with raw sexual appeal, where can I sign up?


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

A few might think it's sexist.

_Staff Edit_


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## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

A compliment is a compliment. Just nowadays it seems people keep getting sexual harassment and compliments confused.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

Esteban said:


> Whether someone uses "female" or "woman" is a matter of preference. Stop trying to shove your preferences down other people's throats.





Raeden said:


> Woman at 1:37 is a confirmed women's study major. For the ~min afterwards that I watched, no other girl accused the youtube dude of being sexist.
> 
> That being said, I don't like compliments. They just seem insincere for the most part, especially if they were to come from someone that I don't know.
> 
> ...


I don't understand why they accuse me of being a misogynist. I use the term "female" because I believe it is the most politically correct term to be used to refer to the opposite sex in order to be neutral, impartial, and formal so that no one would be offended in some sort.

One of the reasons why I permanently stopped watching pornography a few years ago and started practicing noFAP™ is that I wouldn't objectify females anymore. I even created a thread here a few days ago stating that we should stop objectifying females but unfortunately it got locked because one of the females got offended for some reason I do not understand. I have even befriended some of the females here in this forum.

It just hurts me when people say that I hate females when in fact it is not true at all. I have feelings too.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Why would anyone compliment someone on their looks? It's not like they did anything to deserve the compliment as they were born with their looks.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Setolac said:


> I don't understand why they accuse me of being a misogynist. I use the term "female" because I believe it is the most politically correct term to be used to refer to the opposite sex in order to be neutral, impartial, and formal so that no one would be offended in some sort.
> 
> One of the reasons why I permanently stopped watching pornography a few years ago and started practicing noFAP™ is that I wouldn't objectify females anymore. I even created a thread here a few days ago stating that we should stop objectifying females but unfortunately it got locked because one of the females got offended for some reason I do not understand. I have even befriended some of the females here in this forum.
> 
> It just hurts me when people say that I hate females when in fact it is not true at all. I have feelings too.


I don't know if you've done this already, but you really need to start reporting some of these people. I've noticed a lot of people here have started being openly nasty to you recently and it seems they think they can get away with this. Just because your views are different to theirs does not mean you deserve to be treated this way.

If you had been putting others down or personally attacking them I might understand where they were coming from but these people are simply doing it because they don't like your views on things.


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

apx24 said:


> I don't know if you've done this already, but you really need to start reporting some of these people. I've noticed a lot of people here have started being openly nasty to you recently and it seems they think they can get away with this. Just because your views are different to theirs does not mean you deserve to be treated this way.
> 
> If you had been putting others down or personally attacking them I might understand where they were coming from but these people are simply doing it because they don't like your views on things.


There are a lot of sick bullies on here.

And, once again, it's evident most of this website reinforces negative thinking rather than alleviating it.

_Staff Edit_


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

apx24 said:


> Why would anyone compliment someone on their looks? It's not like they did anything to deserve the compliment as they were born with their looks.


I put _A LOT_ of work into my looks.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Depends on the guy and the situation.


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## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)




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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Conflicts


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