# I got into a frat, but still friendless!!!



## paintgirl (Mar 7, 2013)

So during the rush events, I mostly talked to the brothers (people already in the frat) rather than any of the rushees. I rushed with two of my friends but they didn't get in. 

Now, I'm supposed to be doing all this stuff with my pledge class (people who rushed with me and got in) but I legit know NONE OF THEM. And they all knew each other from before/got to know each other during the rush week events and so now it's like a giant clique. 

I really love this frat but I feel so left out and now I'm not even sure if greek life is right for me anymore. And the social anxiety thing makes it worse since I had my moment of triumph but now am wondering if it was all a fluke.

EDIT*** By the way, I'm a girl and this is a co-ed frat


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## Mr snooze (Feb 11, 2014)

Imo i dont think thats how you'd get "friends". Nways try to mingle i guess since ur the newcomer.


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## Ms Yesterday (Jan 28, 2013)

Although I'm not familiar with how frats work (I'm Australian) I think of all the places to make friends, you're in one of the best places to do so. 
You could get out of it but I think you'd definitely regret it! Keep at it a little longer and I'm sure after being friendly with people in it you'll make some friends


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

:clap



Ms Yesterday said:


> Although I'm not familiar with how frats work (I'm Australian) I think of all the places to make friends, you're in one of the best places to do so.
> You could get out of it but I think you'd definitely regret it! Keep at it a little longer and I'm sure after being friendly with people in it you'll make some friends


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## DrPepper31 (Jan 27, 2013)

Congrats! Yeah, I think those are places where you can easily make friends, don't they say frats/sororities are friends for life? I wish I would have gone to college and joined a sorority.


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## paintgirl (Mar 7, 2013)

Thanks everyone! I will definitely keep going at it to try to make friends but I do have to admit that my anxiety is at at an all time high right before each meeting/gathering. Hopefully this changes soon! I would hate to "waste" such a great opportunity to turn my social life around :/


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## mitsu3kgt (Mar 11, 2014)

Hey, at least you got a bid. You should be happy about that. I'm sure as the semester progresses you'll grow closer to your pc. I rushed this fall, and seemed to get along really well with the brothers from one house despite my sa. Still never got a bid though, and wasn't contacted by any other houses, as I'm sure my social awkwardness was quite noticeable during chapter visits. Good luck to you, I wish I was as fortunate to have the same opportunity to change your life as you do now.


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## paintgirl (Mar 7, 2013)

mitsu3kgt said:


> Hey, at least you got a bid. You should be happy about that. I'm sure as the semester progresses you'll grow closer to your pc. I rushed this fall, and seemed to get along really well with the brothers from one house despite my sa. Still never got a bid though, and wasn't contacted by any other houses, as I'm sure my social awkwardness was quite noticeable during chapter visits. Good luck to you, I wish I was as fortunate to have the same opportunity to change your life as you do now.


Hey, thank you for putting it in perspective for me! I was feeling very burdened by this frat thing when I should have been feeling very blessed.

I'm guessing you rushed a social frat? I would have stood no chance at that (I rushed a professional frat). Good luck with everything though!!!


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

Can someone please explain to me the idea of 'rushing' and 'bidding' for a frat? Having been to a UK university, i don't get this whole frat malarkey.


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## mitsu3kgt (Mar 11, 2014)

SouthernTom said:


> Can someone please explain to me the idea of 'rushing' and 'bidding' for a frat? Having been to a UK university, i don't get this whole frat malarkey.


Ok, so basically a social fraternity is an organization of men who are referred to as "brothers" who usually live together in a large house on campus. A sorority is the equivalent for women. These organizations will often host philanthropic events and throw parties. While people will choose to join for many different reasons, the main point is to meet new people and build up relationships with these people, many of whom will become your best friends for life.

The process starts through "rushing", a week or two in which you have the opportunity to visit the different houses and talk to the brothers. If they decide they like you, they will usually text/call you to invite you back to more events that week to get to know you better. After attending these events, if the brothers decide they still like you, and think that you would be a good fit for the house, they offer you a "bid" which is basically an offer to begin the process of becoming a member which is known as "pledgeship." This process usually lasts anywhere from 8 weeks up to a semester in which you basically prove your worth to the brothers by cleaning the house, bartending at parties, and driving people around (pledge rides). During this period you will also learn the history and rules of the house, and in most cases will be tested on it. After the pledgeship process is complete there will be an initiation ceremony where you will officially become a brother of the house.

In the op's case, she joined a professional fraternity which are often co-ed, and have a different membership process.


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

^Oh right. Interesting. And I thought making friends over here was hard enough. That process sounds horrific!


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

SouthernTom said:


> ^Oh right. Interesting. And I thought making friends over here was hard enough. That process sounds horrific!


LMAO...nonprofessional Frats/Greek houses are popular w/ extroverts who are more interested in partying than studying. Basically, underage kids have easy access to alcohol (which is the MAIN draw) that is purchased by their "Brothers". They are also famous for hazing (sometime resulting in death) & orgies (sometimes resulting in sexual assault). They also discriminate against students based on race/socioeconomic status.

Professional frats are usually for high achieving students where members get together and study/mentor/volunteer.

For me the best way to make "friends" was through intramural sports....basically get together & play sports w/ other students. You eventually get to each other well after a couple of weeks.


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## mitsu3kgt (Mar 11, 2014)

MildSA said:


> LMAO...nonprofessional Frats/Greek houses are popular w/ extroverts who are more interested in partying than studying. Basically, underage kids have easy access to alcohol (which is the MAIN draw) that is purchased by their "Brothers". They are also famous for hazing (sometime resulting in death) & orgies (sometimes resulting in sexual assault). They also discriminate against students based on race/socioeconomic status.
> 
> Professional frats are usually for high achieving students where members get together and study/mentor/volunteer.
> 
> For me the best way to make "friends" was through intramural sports....basically get together & play sports w/ other students. You eventually get to each other well after a couple of weeks.


This is not true, but an instead a stereotype portrayed by the media. I'm definitely not an extrovert, and that's exactly why I rushed because being an introvert it would be a great opportunity to take myself out my comfort zone and meet new people. On average in the U.S., Greeks have higher GPA's than non Greeks. Every house also has mandatory study hours during pledgeship. There has also been a major crackdown on hazing in recent years, especially at my university. One house was kicked off campus two years ago here for hazing. I know at my university at least, there are several houses with African-American and Asian-American members. In general though, many students who are minorities tend not to rush for whatever reason. As far as sexual assault goes, there's been a major crackdown on that here as well. Although, that is problem on nearly every college campus, and is not restricted to the greek system by any means.


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