# Confused about sex



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I don't know why but I get really disgusted and frusterated when I hear people talking about having sex with all these people. There is this kid at my work and all he does is go for sex. He's whole motive is sex. If there is a party he wants to know who's gunna be there for his chances. I don't know if it's because people are all up for it or why I get upset but I find people like this very disturbing.

Also, I'm never suprised when I find a girl who seems so sweet and innocent just be a sex manic. Like, these girls I met the other day were single, 16 and dropping condoms out of there pockets and blatenly doing it obviously. Same place, three people hardly even knew eachother and making out. That kid I was talking about at work was getting oral. It was like whoa wth is going on here? I'm not sure if it violates my morals or what because I think if I had the opportunity to have sex with someone I LIKED I would. I've actually turned down a girl last year who basically got my number, called me and asked me to come to her house to have sex with her. I said no and she was all flabbergasted when I responded in that way. She told me how she used this guy for rides and stuff and in favor gave him oral and I was really disgusted. I know not everyone is like this but it really disturbs me.

I'm not perfect and I can't say at times I don't desire sex, but for some reason it eats me up when I see people just be upfront and like whambam thankyou you suck bye. I made a big mistake last month to where I was lonely and was on myspace looking for a girlfriend(mistake). Well, talked to her for like a month then hung out with her a few times. I knew she had a boyfriend but he was the other side of the country. We ened up having sex one night and it was so awkard. I'd go into detail but basically she was being a complete *** and it really got to me. She had no reason to and it was beyond flirting. The next day she said she was moving far far away and so I've learned my lesson. I'm not happy I did it because it was so regrettable. For 2 weeks I was depressed because of how it happened. There is a lot more involved but that's the just. I'm not perfect but I don't know if I'm suppose to learn from that or what because it really messed me up. I guess I expected something more and she didn't, I don't know.

It's not far off to assume sex is a wanted thing for most people as it's the main reason why we are here. I just don't get it why I get upset. I wonder if I'm jealous or what. I'm not sure. If I was jealous I'd know but it's more a feeling of disgust. I get frusterated and upset when I see people taking relationships for granted all the time. I've been dumped plenty of times for being me, which tells me people justd ont' take it seriously, at least at my age I would guess, I don't know. This 20 year old at my work dumped her boyfriend of 2 years for w/e reason and the NEXT DAY basically agreed to have sex with that kid I'mt alking about because he just flirst with everybody. I was so shocked and disgusted I couldn't even stand bing int he same room. It gets me when this happens and I'm confused ebcause I don't know why I feel like sex is so forbidden if it's why we are here. Not too mention how easily it seems some of these girls are so influence by what others say or think about their relationships that they break it off as if the "he say she say" is more important than a personal reason. I'm not sure of why here break up happened but I got the assumption it had a lot to do with how people fewed her boyfriend being he was always int he store seeing her and the guys I work with constantly bad mouthed him and I feel like she was influenced.

Blah, I don't know. I have so much to say about this and it's really bothering me tonight. It may be sad that I feel like venting my frusteration here but this upsets me badly. Where are people's morals? Yet on the same token, where are mine? Would I do the same thing if given the opportunity? I wouldn't think I would but may if it was discrete which really makes me question my own morals and what they mean to me. It's upsetting but I really regret some of the choices I've made and how I can ignore the same morals I hold when I'm involved. I was upset both at myself and at others and it's really confusing me. I don't want to cheat with anyone and I really regret doing what I did when that girl had a boyfriend. Probably got what I deserved. I feel like ovwing to myself never to do it again but because of my lack of concious in the past I don't want to lie to myself. Blah w/e... i should listen to my morals rather or not it makes sense to anyone else. It's something I just don't understand... :con :no


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I know most these peoplea re young but at the same time I can't ignore the statistics which implay 50% or more are divorcing and the rate is going up. It makes me not want to get involved with someone. What's the point of being with someone if your always worried about her/him cheating? Taht's very unhealthy but because of what I see and what I've expeirenced it happens so often it really disgusts me. It makes me wonder why children are born as well. As if many children are born out of sexual intrests and desire rather being thought fo rtheir importance. As if there is no concious in some people. It's really disturbs me. Is it just me or does it seem that way with most people? Maybe I haven't seen enough honest, loyal people to see the otherside or what. What is wrong with our generation? Women mainly scored on looks as it's always been. It's almost as if women except this now and are easily induced. As if it's not abnormal or not important to be a lady as if it's nonexistent in men and expected for ment o be sexual maniacs without concious. It's in the news, in the paper, on tv, in music and drilled into our past and it's a reality. What is going on!?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

BWidger85,

That's why they divorce - no morals and total fickleness.
Eventually, their actions will catch up to them.
Your one experience proves it. When you have that kind of activity, there is more to it than a physical act. You know it; they don't know it yet.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I remember hearing that I think 1 out of every 4 teen girls has some kind of std.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

I got the same problem. I think it may be jealousy or envy because I am really horny myself and tend to have uncontrollable sexual fantasies when people talk about sex. I may also feel guilt for having the similar desires.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

The best comparison I can make to how I view sex and relationships is that it is something that you see in movies that never really happens to people. I honestly don't know how it is ever going to happen for me.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Pinzelhead said:


> I got the same problem. I think it may be jealousy or envy because I am really horny myself and tend to have uncontrollable sexual fantasies when people talk about sex. I may also feel guilt for having the similar desires.


i think this may be the reason too. you feel resentent toward these people because they are doing something you wish you were.


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## HoboQueen (Jan 25, 2008)

Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds to me like you want everyone to take relationships and sex as seriously as you seem to. Then when it becomes obvious that they don't, it upsets you. That's understandable. 

You shouldn't worry too much about it. There are people out there who share your values. You can't really do anything about the people who act in a way you don't approve of. All you can do is live your life the way you think is best.


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## hhbecks (Jan 2, 2008)

Girls today are kind of expected to be ****s. Really, that's all they see on TV. In any movie you watch about college, it's all about casual sex. You just need to be more selective about the girls you hang out with. Try a church or volunteer group. In other words, go where the morals are.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i agree that i don't like how a lot of people in my age group seem to treat sex as being cheap and meaningless. it kind of discourages me to be honest because i think i would only want to have sex with someone if there was some kind of meaning or connection between us.. and it seems difficult to find guys like that.


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## learning07 (Jan 3, 2008)

Ya sex is like nothing to some people. I remember in class, kids next to me talking about what they were going to do after school. He said he was going to get oral while sitting in a chair. His friend told me that theres this one girl that will give you oral and blah blah.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

I didn't have sex until I was 27 years old. I was proud to be a virgin. I wanted to be different from all the other girls. I wanted to wait until I met the right person. Other girls made fun of me, but I stood my ground. I did other sexual things with a handful of people before then, but I only did it because I didn't know how to say no. I thought I would be weird if I did. 

I ended up having sex with a friend of mine who was in love with me. I didn't return those romantic feelings, but I cared about him and it seemed like the right choice. I don't regret my decision. 

I have a very high sex drive. I'm a bit obsessed with it and I'm interested in a lot of deviant things. I'm bisexual. But this doesn't mean I want to have 100 or so partners! It also doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on someone because I desperately need to have sex with someone else. Character determines the people who will do these things.

I analyzed myself over this issue. Is my SAD the reason I was holding back from having sex? I've been working through facing my sexuality this past year. How would I feel if I just had sex with anyone just because I was feeling horny? I think I would feel bad about myself the next day. I'd really rather be in a loving relationship... with lots of sex of course 

If I was dating somebody who was a good person and committed to me, I would never dump that person or cheat on them. I would feel really lucky to have someone like that!

The number of young people who have a STD is rising, so this is an important reason to be cautious and careful about casual sex.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

HoboQueen said:


> Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds to me like you want everyone to take relationships and sex as seriously as you seem to. Then when it becomes obvious that they don't, it upsets you. That's understandable.
> 
> You shouldn't worry too much about it. There are people out there who share your values. You can't really do anything about the people who act in a way you don't approve of. All you can do is live your life the way you think is best.


I think I do take it too seriously but am in awe with myself for the times I've thought it was ok for me to do so. Such a complex and contradicting set of beliefs and emotions I just can't seem to make sense of.

I tend to look down on people for it yet it is natural afterall. Can't decide why I am so serious about it. I think a lot of envy may be caused due to the fact that, being a man, it's almost seen as weak not to be able to do certain things for the opposit sex. Almost as if I am not capable enough to make the moves and be "the man", or be a man, for that matter. The combination of my complex beliefs about sex and my desire to be able to achieve it is so retarded I can't even put in words. Oddly, I've found the times I have had sex were very regrettable. blah


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

venusfruit said:


> I didn't have sex until I was 27 years old. I was proud to be a virgin. I wanted to be different from all the other girls. I wanted to wait until I met the right person. Other girls made fun of me, but I stood my ground. I did other sexual things with a handful of people before then, but I only did it because I didn't know how to say no. I thought I would be weird if I did.
> 
> I ended up having sex with a friend of mine who was in love with me. I didn't return those romantic feelings, but I cared about him and it seemed like the right choice. I don't regret my decision.
> 
> ...


That's how I feel exactly. I too feel bad about having sex with someone just to have sex with someone. It's nice to know people are out there who think the same.

Great posts from everyone so far. I guess it's best for me to continue following my own beliefs and try not to betray them again as they have caused me much pain and guilt for doing so. I wish I can forget about the world for a second and have enough strength in myself to stand my ground without reacting negatively towards them. It's a challenge for sure but it gives me strength to know there are others who feel and think the same way.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

Bwidger85, any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you! I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with girls who didn't appreciate you.

Sex is very confusing, but I think we all need to learn to not beat ourselves up so badly over past mistakes.


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## Vito (Mar 14, 2008)

Good luck to you.


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## butology (May 13, 2008)

venusfruit said:


> I didn't have sex until I was 27 years old. I was proud to be a virgin. I wanted to be different from all the other girls. I wanted to wait until I met the right person. Other girls made fun of me, but I stood my ground. I did other sexual things with a handful of people before then, but I only did it because I didn't know how to say no. I thought I would be weird if I did.
> 
> I ended up having sex with a friend of mine who was in love with me. I didn't return those romantic feelings, but I cared about him and it seemed like the right choice. I don't regret my decision.
> 
> ...


you had sex to the person you don't love? What's the point of being virgin for 27 years?


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## smalltowngirl (Feb 17, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> Maybe I haven't seen enough honest, loyal people to see the otherside or what. What is wrong with our generation? Women mainly scored on looks as it's always been. It's almost as if women except this now and are easily induced. As if it's not abnormal or not important to be a lady as if it's nonexistent in men and expected for ment o be sexual maniacs without concious. It's in the news, in the paper, on tv, in music and drilled into our past and it's a reality. What is going on!?


Yeah I think you just haven't had a chance to be around people who aren't like that.

I used to feel the same way. It seemed like everyone was a cheater and no one took relationships seriously. I used to read that Cosmo magazine. Oh, boy, did that thing screw with my head. They have personal stories from readers and some of the readers would talk about how they had sex with their girlfriend's mom and got away with it, or how if you've been dating a guy for three weeks and you still haven't had sex with him then _of course_ he's going to leave you. When I would read things like that I sort of thought that was just how it was. This was reality. It made me want to completely withdraw and never have a relationship.

I've since learned that view of relationships is completely ridiculous and flawed. Everyone's sex lives and relationships are different. Maybe for some people that is their reality, but there are plenty of people out there that actually cherish their relationships and are interested in more than just sex and multiple partners.

I've since started reading magazines and stories that follow more closely to my own personal values on relationships. There are plenty of romantic movies, books, and songs out there that are about a lot more than casual sex. Try and surround yourself with things and people that take on a more meaningful view of relationships, and I think that'll help you realize you're not alone.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

hhbecks said:


> Try a church or volunteer group. In other words, go where the morals are.


Yeah because only church going folks have morals right? :no


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

NeedleInTheHay said:


> hhbecks said:
> 
> 
> > Try a church or volunteer group. In other words, go where the morals are.
> ...


yeah what's with that?

to be honest i'm not too into the one night stand thing either, but that's mainly cos i find sex much more enjoyable when you really like/care about the person. but getting upset cos there are people making out at a party who hardly know each other? tha'ts pretty much *all* that happens at parties/clubs, people who don't know each other making out!


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 3, 2008)

You're not jealous, you're feeling what you think it is... disgust. Because, well, it IS disgusting.
I know what I'm about to say may upset some people here. I'm sorry, but this is just my opinion, ok? 

My boyfriend and I bought a book written by a guy who has been married for 15 years and has not had one fight with his spouse. The book is about what he does and how to have a blissful relationship. This is what he says about sex:
* Firstly he acknowledges that this will upset some people but this is just his advice on blissful relationships
* Our bodies aren't designed for sex until after marriage. Separating the two causes emotional turmoil. It pushes the relationship further along than what it actually is
* Sex is suppose to be special and going around sleeping with anyone makes it ordinary
* Your partner may start to worry about how many people you have slept with and vice versa
* If you are willing to have sex with someone you aren't married to, will you feel the same way after you're married?
* It can create emotional attachments with the wrong people (you might even barely know them). People that shouldn't be married are because the sex 'bonded' them
* He has talked to quite a few people about the issue. None of the people that waited until marriage regreted it. Practically all the people that didn't wait did regret it.
* If you do wait, your partner will honour and respect you a lot more

That all being said, my boyfriend and I have had sex (but only to each other) and we now both wish we had have waited. We will probably end up getting married anyway, but still...


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

WhiteRaven said:


> You're not jealous, you're feeling what you think it is... disgust. Because, well, it IS disgusting.
> I know what I'm about to say may upset some people here. I'm sorry, but this is just my opinion, ok?
> 
> My boyfriend and I bought a book written by a guy who has been married for 15 years and has not had one fight with his spouse. The book is about what he does and how to have a blissful relationship. This is what he says about sex:
> ...


sorry but pretty much all those points are really stupid. our bodies aren't designed for sex before marraige?? marraige is a purely social construct, our bodies design has nothing to do with it. we're designed to procreate and further the species, marriage has nothing to do with it. people that shouldn't be married are because the sex bonded them? i think it would have more to do with people getting married for the wrong reasons ie for money, for security etc etc. not because the sex 'bonded' them. and if you wait your partner will honour and respect you more? none of the girls i've been with have been virgins, well one was, but i didn't respect them or 'honour' them any less just cost they'd slept with some other guy. i could go on but you get the idea..

frankly i don't know how you could marry someone *without* having slept with them. sexual attraction and connection is a huge part of a relationship. what if you get married and suddenly find out the sex is terrible?


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Zen Mechanics said:


> frankly i don't know how you could marry someone *without* having slept with them. sexual attraction and connection is a huge part of a relationship. what if you get married and suddenly find out the sex is terrible?


 :ditto "you dont buy a car without taking a test drive"


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## HoboQueen (Jan 25, 2008)

WhiteRaven said:


> My boyfriend and I bought a book written by a guy who has been married for 15 years and *has not had one fight with his spouse.*


Not one fight? That's very scary if it's true. Argument is a normal and healthy (to a certain extent) part of any relationship. I find this claim hard to believe.



Zen Mechanics said:


> frankly i don't know how you could marry someone *without* having slept with them. sexual attraction and connection is a huge part of a relationship. what if you get married and suddenly find out the sex is terrible?


That's a great point. I've heard plenty of stories where people rush into marriage because they want to have sex. Only to find that the relationship is dysfunctional and end up divorced in a couple of years.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

You have a point, Jason. I was close friends with this guy for years. We had a very strange relationship. I only wanted to be friends, but he wanted more, yet we got along really well. I was starting to think that maybe I was being shallow and too picky. I decided that I would try to make it work. I was lucky to have a guy who loved me that much. He stuck around for years without sex. Not surprisingly, the sex wasn't good. Physical attraction is an important element to have in a relationship. He deserves someone who can return his feelings.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 3, 2008)

@ Zen Mechanics: You have some good points.  Some people are uncomfortable thinking that their partner for life has slept with someone else before, while others don't really mind, infact sometimes it is desireable. However, I do believe that sex and falsely 'bond' some people who otherwise would not be bonded.

@ HoboQueen: I will have to disagree with you there.  I have yet to see a single arguement that I would consider healthy, despite how normal they may be. Discussing issues, working them out, communcating your feelings are healthy, yes. But I believe that fighting is not.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

You're not even 21 yet. Wait until your friends start going to bars. Ugh. 

I'll admit I am pretty afraid of any potential sexual moment. Of course I am horny, but that doesn't mean I want to do it, or at least not with some random person. I honestly don't even know how to make out (well), and I don't really want to. I prefer my tongue for it's original use as a sensitive centered around taste. Yeah. I've never even gone down on a girl. It's pretty sad. ::gets another beer::


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

smalltowngirl said:


> I used to feel the same way. It seemed like everyone was a cheater and no one took relationships seriously. I used to read that Cosmo magazine. Oh, boy, did that thing screw with my head. They have personal stories from readers and some of the readers would talk about how they had sex with their girlfriend's mom and got away with it, or how if you've been dating a guy for three weeks and you still haven't had sex with him then _of course_ he's going to leave you. When I would read things like that I sort of thought that was just how it was. This was reality. It made me want to completely withdraw and never have a relationship.
> 
> I've since learned that view of relationships is completely ridiculous and flawed. Everyone's sex lives and relationships are different. Maybe for some people that is their reality, but there are plenty of people out there that actually cherish their relationships and are interested in more than just sex and multiple partners.


I think a lot of this kind of stuff on TV and what not is actually really immature. The way that sex is referenced to and discussed actually seems really repressed to me, even though it's so entirely blatant. If anything, I think it's overdone. It's reality and part of our lives, but it's not as important as it seems to be made out to be.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Zen Mechanics said:


> sorry but pretty much all those points are really stupid. our bodies aren't designed for sex before marriage?? marriage is a purely social construct, our bodies design has nothing to do with it. we're designed to procreate and further the species, marriage has nothing to do with it. people that shouldn't be married are because the sex bonded them? i think it would have more to do with people getting married for the wrong reasons ie for money, for security etc etc. not because the sex 'bonded' them. and if you wait your partner will honour and respect you more? none of the girls i've been with have been virgins, well one was, but i didn't respect them or 'honour' them any less just cost they'd slept with some other guy. i could go on but you get the idea..
> 
> frankly i don't know how you could marry someone *without* having slept with them. sexual attraction and connection is a huge part of a relationship. what if you get married and suddenly find out the sex is terrible?


The sex is a spiritual bond, but the marriage is the symbol of the relationship behind it! Sex can be worked on.
I plan on having the relationship without the sex until marriage whether I like it or not. I've gotten this far; why ruin it now.

When sex is taken out of the picture, the rest of the parts of the relationship - the parts many are afraid to deal with - are there to be addressed.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

nubly said:


> Zen Mechanics said:
> 
> 
> > frankly i don't know how you could marry someone *without* having slept with them. sexual attraction and connection is a huge part of a relationship. what if you get married and suddenly find out the sex is terrible?
> ...


But it doesn't give the couple the right to test drive all the time. Even car dealerships keep a record of who visits them for test drives!


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> Zen Mechanics said:
> 
> 
> > sorry but pretty much all those points are really stupid. our bodies aren't designed for sex before marriage?? marriage is a purely social construct, our bodies design has nothing to do with it. we're designed to procreate and further the species, marriage has nothing to do with it. people that shouldn't be married are because the sex bonded them? i think it would have more to do with people getting married for the wrong reasons ie for money, for security etc etc. not because the sex 'bonded' them. and if you wait your partner will honour and respect you more? none of the girls i've been with have been virgins, well one was, but i didn't respect them or 'honour' them any less just cost they'd slept with some other guy. i could go on but you get the idea..
> ...


marriage is the symbol of the relationship behind it? so if there's no marriage you have no relationship? sex is a huge part of any relationship, whether married or not. for a lot of people marriage is just a legal institution, it doesn't actually change anything int heir relationship. i mean if you aren't expressing affection/sexual desire with your loved one then you may as well just be friends, right?

and to your second point re taking sex 'out of the picture':
why wouldn't you address these parts of the relationship as well as having sex? and does that mean once you get married and start having sex that you stop addressing these things again?

i just think the whole line of thought that you're somehow less of a person cos you've had sex before marriage is stupid. or that having sex before marriage 'ruins' you. you mention you're in a relationship where you're waiting till marriage. so have you had sex before? you say 'sex can be worked on', but from personal experience i can tell you there has been a huuuge difference in the sex between some of the partners i've had. and, surprise surprise, the ones which the sex was the best with were those who i cared most deeply for, and sometimes i didn't realize that *until* i'd slept with them and realized they were just no connection there.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

WhiteRaven said:


> You're not jealous, you're feeling what you think it is... disgust. Because, well, it IS disgusting.
> I know what I'm about to say may upset some people here. I'm sorry, but this is just my opinion, ok?
> 
> My boyfriend and I bought a book written by a guy who has been married for 15 years and has not had one fight with his spouse. The book is about what he does and how to have a blissful relationship. This is what he says about sex:
> ...


The problem I have with such advice is that is it based on religion. Not everybody is religious and plans to get married. I also don't believe that "practically all the people" that didn't wait for marriage regretted it. Saying that is just pushing his agenda that people should wait for marriage to have sex.

The author's credibility is thrown out the window when he says our bodies aren't designed for sex before marriage. Am I missing something here? Do our bodies morph into something else when we get married?


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

sorry... :? :dd :cup


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

bwidger85 said:


> I don't know why but I get really disgusted and frusterated when I hear people talking about having sex with all these people. There is this kid at my work and all he does is go for sex. He's whole motive is sex. If there is a party he wants to know who's gunna be there for his chances. I don't know if it's because people are all up for it or why I get upset but I find people like this very disturbing.
> 
> Also, I'm never suprised when I find a girl who seems so sweet and innocent just be a sex manic. Like, these girls I met the other day were single, 16 and dropping condoms out of there pockets and blatenly doing it obviously. Same place, three people hardly even knew eachother and making out. That kid I was talking about at work was getting oral. It was like whoa wth is going on here? I'm not sure if it violates my morals or what because I think if I had the opportunity to have sex with someone I LIKED I would. I've actually turned down a girl last year who basically got my number, called me and asked me to come to her house to have sex with her. I said no and she was all flabbergasted when I responded in that way. She told me how she used this guy for rides and stuff and in favor gave him oral and I was really disgusted. I know not everyone is like this but it really disturbs me.
> 
> ...


Welcome to the World!

...it's a bizarre and very enigmatic place. You never ever stop learning about it -and, yet, that is half the fun.

My only 'advice' to you is to embrace all of this, no matter how overwhelming or strange -and to not doubt: relish your own personal experience of it.

But, all-in-all, mistakes aren't necessarily so bad you know: for one thing, they just mean that everyone who you know making them is figuring out who they are.

-Keep that in mind.

Because, those girls you mentioned are right in the sense that it is 'a ride' . Everyone is figuring out who they are. And there is no one RIGHT way of doing it.

Approach it from a SOUL perspective. -By which I just mean that, whatever way people figure themselves out: remember that: they are figuring themselves out.
-Don't be disturbed by it. Be encouraged. Since it shows that there is so very much more to a person than meets the eye.

Be amazed. We're all so much more than how we seem.


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## DudeHere (Jul 10, 2008)

As for myself, I am a bit confused. I used to get jealous about people who constantly had casual sex, I now realize the mistakes of that, there actions and my jealousy. I went into a depression, regarding sex, I felt like a loser, no one wanted me, and I was going to be alone forever, when I was about 16,17. It was hard. I still have some feelings like that. I finally did have sex for the first time when I was 19 almost 20, I screwed that up, well, with the girl I was seeing. I am still no "ladies man" if you would. I don't regret what I did, but am in this constant cycle of negative emotions.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

I definitely think sex is much better when it is in the context of a relationship.

I've gone so long without it though, that I would have a hard time passing on a one night stand as of now.


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

The idea of casual sex disgusts me as well. I can't hold anything against people who do it though. its just not for me. I have to remain a virgin for the rest of my life. I gotta stay pure, i have no other choice.


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

one part of me says, i think being bothered about what other people do that is not directly relevant to us is dangerous. i think we should live and let live. let other people live their own lives. 

however i can relate with u. i think people shouldnt be eating all that fast food and unhealthy stuff they do.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

colonelpoop said:


> I definitely think sex is much better when it is in the context of a relationship.
> 
> I've gone so long without it though, that I would have a hard time passing on a one night stand as of now.


lol i hear you. its been over a year for me so if one happens to pass by me i'll take it

i really need to start making changes in my life


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

nubly said:


> colonelpoop said:
> 
> 
> > I definitely think sex is much better when it is in the context of a relationship.
> ...


:ditto


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Zen Mechanics said:


> WhiteRaven said:
> 
> 
> > You're not jealous, you're feeling what you think it is... disgust. Because, well, it IS disgusting.
> ...


Harsh harsh harsh....


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> The sex is a spiritual bond, but the marriage is the symbol of the relationship behind it! Sex can be worked on.
> I plan on having the relationship without the sex until marriage whether I like it or not. I've gotten this far; why ruin it now.
> 
> When sex is taken out of the picture, the rest of the parts of the relationship - the parts many are afraid to deal with - are there to be addressed.


I gotta admit--I really like the idea of waiting 'til marriage. Whether that will happen is uncertain, but it's something that I want to try. All my guy friends are hilarious, though, because they all try to push me to do it feeding me that same line: "WHAT IF THE SEX IS TERRIBLE?" Can terrible sex really break up a marriage? lol, I'm pretty sure we could work on it. Also, I've DEFINITELY been in a relationship where we pretty much could not communicate or even really get along with eachother unless we were making out or fooling around (no sex, though) and yet I let myself believe that we were "alright" even though the relationship was terrible. So for me, since I'm so young and figuring out myself, I would really like to NOT have sex in a relationship until marriage so I can figure out that relationship to its fullest. *I get it that this doesn't hold true for everyone, but for me it makes so much sense. *



RubyTuesday said:


> Approach it from a SOUL perspective. -By which I just mean that, whatever way people figure themselves out: remember that: they are figuring themselves out.


RubyTuesday, that was some killer/wise advice =)

Zen Mechanics, I don't think religion is saying you or your relationship are "less than" by having sex outside of wedlock. I once read that some of the "rules" are guidelines to keep people from getting hurt. Maybe you've been lucky, but I know myself and a lot of others have gotten sexual with people only to regret it later. I think the Christian idea of "waiting" is kind of like a parental mechanism placed on Christians to keep them from making a decision that could potentially hurt them later.

My parents had my oldest sister out of wedlock and they've been married 25 wonderful years so I got no beef with pre-marital sex. I may not be here today if they hadn't! lol


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I could never have sex with somebody I didn't love, it would just be pointless. I might as well just mastur-****in-bate as I been mostly doing for the past 23 years. Love and understanding is a prerequisite for me, and for the most part has nothing to do with sex. I want to explore it with a lover, not a ****in stranger. I love my baby, why would i want sex with anybody or anything else. I've only encountered three women in my life who take my breath away - and i've only gotten to know one. I'm really fortunate. it's not unusual or wrong to be who you are.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

I feel the same way about sex. It seems everyone has such an easy attitude about it these days, like it's no big deal who you do it with. I wish more guys thought the same as you. Around here most guys are just after sex and it's frustrating. I do believe sex is best when it's with someone you care about, not some random person you just met.


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