# Possible to have a platonic friendship with someone your physically attracted to?



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

So I've been googling random information on platonic relationships and I just don't know... it is kind of depressing to think you can't be a friend with the opposite sex. They say it is possible if your gay or if your not sexually attracted...I wish I could comment on this but I don't have the experience...it makes sense that feelings can turn later on down the road, especially if you find them the least attractive... this is an impossible question for me to answer at the moment..

I imagine the responses to be mixed on this forum as well. So many questions to ask about this one too from varying thoughts and feelings. crazy stuff


----------



## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I don't understand why it wouldn't be, but I guess maybe it really depends on the person and how they experience attraction.


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

No.


----------



## Devdas (Mar 17, 2011)

Would have voted yes if not for the 'physically attracted' part.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I like to think it's possible. 
But I dunno...if you click well enough to become close friends, and you find him/her sexually attractive as well, then it can get really difficult. It's easier if the person is already in a relationship with somebody else but then it's hard to wonder 'what if...?'


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Even though I don't have much experience in this, I'm going to vote yes. I've had semi-friendship with girls before but they were older or in a relationship with a close friend. I kind of agree that if you have self control it could work. You just have to be weary of certain events or actions so you don't put yourself in that situation. Damn, this is a hard one to answer!


----------



## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

Self control is key. If you have it, then yes. Otherwise you can forget about it.


----------



## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Very much so.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Any personal experiences regarding this would be greatly appreciated if you feel comfortable to talk about it!

(looking like i need to reevaluate some mental barriers here!)


----------



## atticusfinch (Dec 18, 2010)

yes, of course.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah now that I think about it, if it's _just_ physical attraction, then it's possible.


----------



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Like no desire whatsoever to go beyond friendship?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

the cheat said:


> Yeah now that I think about it, if it's _just_ physical attraction, then it's possible.


But here is the kicker (at least for me): I really don't want friendships that I'm not emotionally "attracted" to or, in other words, like their personality. Or are we thinking two different things here?

There were girls I had the ample opportunity to be friends with at work, and some even perused the friendship with me! Some were pretty and some weren't. I never knew their true intentions but I could never bring myself to feel comfortable with the idea because I just didn't like their personalities. So for me personally, if the woman was attractive and I desired a friendship with her it would have to be on a personal/mutual personality agree-ability as well. I can't have friends with someone of whom I dislike their personality.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

StevenGlansberg said:


> Like no desire whatsoever to go beyond friendship?


Hm, I see your point and why you raised this question lol...

Let's say, like no desire to go beyond a friendship even though your physically attracted?


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

It's easy if you're only attracted to them physically but mentally you don't quite click. Once you've been in enough relationships you basically learn to look past just the looks and know whether you'll click personality wise aswell. No point trying for anything more than friendship if the answer is no.

I've been there a number of times.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Misanthropic79 said:


> It's easy if you're only attracted to them physically but mentally you don't quite click.


as i told thecheat, i'm not sure a friendship with someone of whom I don't respect their personality can happen for me.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> But here is the kicker (at least for me): I really don't want friendships that I'm not emotionally "attracted" to or, in other words, like their personality. Or are we thinking two different things here?
> 
> There were girls I had the ample opportunity to be friends with at work, and some even perused the friendship with me! Some were pretty and some weren't. I never knew their true intentions but I could never bring myself to feel comfortable with the idea because I just didn't like their personalities. So for me personally, if the woman was attractive and I desired a friendship with her it would have to be on a personal/mutual personality agree-ability as well. I can't have friends with someone of whom I dislike their personality.


It's a confusing question, that's for sure...I voted 'no', then wrote 'yes', and I'm still not completely sure of what my answer is. :lol


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I think I could be friends with a girl whom I'm physically and emotionally attracted to, without expecting/trying to have it go beyond friendship...while still being somewhat hopeful that maybe someday...

...but I dunno if that meets the definition for 'platonic friendship', when deep down, you have hope she'll develop feelings for you.


----------



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

If there are boundaries you aren't willing to cross then yeah, I think so. Like if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend or you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you aren't willing to cheat/be a homewrecker.

But if you're attracted to them (not just physically) aren't you always going to want to move to a more fulfilling relationship? If you go for it and get rejected you can kind of pretend like you're okay with being friends but really you're always going to want more.

IDK...it's complicated...


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

the cheat said:


> It's a confusing question, that's for sure...I voted 'no', then wrote 'yes', and I'm still not completely sure of what my answer is. :lol


lol, right? :roll

Unfortunately, I think finding that kind of friendship would be a lot harder then same sex friendships if your straight. I'm assuming automatically you'll have to be very upfront and have a very good reason as to why you desire a friendship with them, and even that takes time to build trust and comfort, so the hardest part may just getting over the first hurdle to explain boundaries? man, idk...

Beyond that, then you have to contend with the possibility of outside ridicule or questioning regarding your friendship, which could be a lot easier to handle. Initially, if your attracted to someone it could lower after you become platonic friends. But then that begs the question if the only possible way to become platonic friends with someone your physical attracted to is to get rejected first...and I say this because you may just have to get the "hint" that they aren't into you like that....but theeeeeennnn you have to probably content with jealousy or "hurt" feelings (possibility)...so idk.... if your mature enough, it probably could work...just take it in stride i guess


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

StevenGlansberg said:


> But if you're attracted to them (not just physically) aren't you always going to want to move to a more fulfilling relationship? If you go for it and get rejected you can kind of pretend like you're okay with being friends but really you're always going to want more.


I really don't know. I'll have to think about that or experience it first. I think I have in the past but of course we didn't remain friends so it probably doesn't count. I mean, I guess your right though. blah


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> lol, right? :roll
> 
> Unfortunately, I think finding that kind of friendship would be a lot harder then same sex friendships if your straight. I'm assuming automatically you'll have to be very upfront and have a very good reason as to why you desire a friendship with them, and even that takes time to build trust and comfort, so the hardest part may just getting over the first hurdle to explain boundaries? man, idk...
> 
> Beyond that, then you have to contend with the possibility of outside ridicule or questioning regarding your friendship, which could be a lot easier to handle. Initially, if your attracted to someone it could lower after you become platonic friends. But then that begs the question if the only possible way to become platonic friends with someone your physical attracted to is to get rejected first...and I say this because you may just have to get the "hint" that they aren't into you like that....but theeeeeennnn you have to probably content with jealousy or "hurt" feelings (possibility)...so idk.... if your mature enough, it probably could work...just take it in stride i guess


Yeah, I think for it to be a long-term platonic friendship, you'd have to first have some sort of reason to feel connected to each other, and you'd also have to enter into the friendship with the near full expectation that friendship is all it'll ever be. It's okay to have hope for more, as long as it's not the thing that makes you want to be friends in the first place.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

the cheat said:


> It's okay to have hope for more, as long as it's not the thing that makes you want to be friends in the first place.


Good point. Good point.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I look back at some of my "tried" relationships and a lot of them didn't have the sexual tension. What ended up happening was the girl usually broke it off. So I'm thinking if there was sexual tension...wow, that'd be tough to deal with!


----------



## GunnyHighway (Sep 28, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Any personal experiences regarding this would be greatly appreciated if you feel comfortable to talk about it!
> 
> (looking like i need to reevaluate some mental barriers here!)


I said yes because of a personal experience of mine. I don't really want to elaborate on it, but if you have the self control it is a non-issue.


----------



## Misanthropic79 (May 6, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> as i told thecheat, i'm not sure a friendship with someone of whom I don't respect their personality can happen for me.


It's possible to like someone's personality enough to be friends but still not quite enough to be atttracted personality wise.


----------



## the talking one (Jun 9, 2011)

It's a hard question. I have a girl I'm really attracted to, she's gorgeous and I really, really like her personality, I can't stop thinking about her even for a moment, whenever I stop doing something she's the first thing that springs to mind.

Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same way towards me, she's still meeting with me occasionally (she's very, very busy this time around, I can't even ask her out, she's the one who always offers us to meet since, usually at night when she has time) and we talk a lot. I try to hug her and keep her close, or at least carry her bags or offer my jacket when it's really cold but she refuses everything, she could be shy but I doubt a shy person would have THAT many friends.

It doesn't bother me that much when we are together, I just enjoy her company a lot and it's pretty much the only time when I feel truly happy to be alive, but it goes horribly wrong when I'm alone and start thinking that she'll never be mine, that I can't even kiss her or hug her. I get these stupid thoughts that make me upset you know?

So I think it's possible to be friends with someone you're attracted with (or even in love, if it's true love), but it's very, very hard.


----------



## fingertips (Jan 11, 2009)

yes.


----------



## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

That's kind of a contradiction. If you're attracted to her, it's not platonic. You can have a friendship where you don't have sex or kiss or anything, but you are still going to have romantic feelings, so I wouldn't classify that as platonic.


----------



## Godless1 (Aug 1, 2008)

A platonic relationship... I guess so. 

A healthy platonic relationship... Abso****inglutely not!


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Godless1 said:


> A platonic relationship... I guess so.
> 
> A healthy platonic relationship... Abso****inglutely not!


Haha, I agree. Keeping a secret and not letting her know would be so hard mentally I think. Still, if she's worth it...


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Yes, but there are varying degrees of attraction and, to me, there is a line where a platonic friendship wouldn't be possible.


----------



## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Misanthropic79 said:


> It's possible to like someone's personality enough to be friends but still not quite enough to be atttracted personality wise.


This. There are degrees of friendship and degrees of "clicking." Friendship compatibility and relationship compatibility are two different things. I can find someone physically attractive, and find them friendship-compatible, without necessarily wanting to be in a relationship them.

I feel like I know myself well enough by now, and have just enough relationship experience (even though it's not a lot), to have a sense what kind of people I'd be relationship-compatible with.


----------



## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

In high school I had several female friends who I was attracted to. It was never weird or awkward or anything. I just never told them that I was attracted to them. *shrug*


----------

