# How to form friendships without coming on too strong?



## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

I've never been able to effectively form friendships or relationships with people. I can form acquaintances with a good many people, but I've never actually figured out how to turn those acquaintances into lasting friendships and meaningful relationships. 

I desperately want to have people I can hang out with outside of work, do things together, and talk about more personal aspects of life. My problem is that I'm overly paranoid about coming on too strong or seeming too desperate. I realize that at this point in my life, I place an extremly high value on any friendly interaction or relationship I have with a person, and I know they don't place the same value on me because they are normal people with existing social lives involving a large number of other people. 

This causes me to want to tone down my interactions with them. Not text them too much, not tell personal things about myself or my feelings, not be too serious in our interactions. I don't want to be that creepy or odd guy who tries to get too personal with someone or seems overly clingy. I just try to be calm, funny, and approachable and I figure if they want to get to know me better or hang out with me then they'll eventually initiate that with me. The problem is that they never do. 

I'm also afraid to ask someone to hang out because I don't have any other friends to hang out with so it would just be the two of us. For other guys that wouldn't be a huge deal, other than proving that I have no social life, but how in the world do I ask a girl to hang out with me, just the two of us, without making her feel uncomfortable or like I'm asking her on a date? 

So me and this girl I want to be friends with text on occasion. If I want to actually talk, can I can call her just to talk? Would that weird her out? Should I ask her for coffee or to hang out on lunch? Would she think I'm trying to date her and turn me down? I don't know, and I'm afraid to do anything wrong to mess up the communication we do have going on.

I just don't understand the dynamics of how 'friendships' work, and I'm frankly afraid to initiate anything on my own, but I'm going to have to eventually, because it looks like nobody else is ever going to invite me to do anything with them..


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## Chapster (Mar 15, 2014)

I think you should call her up and ask her to coffee. Only /you/ know your intentions, and if a date isn't, than trust yourself on that! Trust in your ability to either explain to her that you don't have any intentions to be in a romantic relationship, or wait for her to ask herself, because it could eventually cross her mind. And remember, as much as socializing can be awkward for people like you and me, it doesn't /have/ to be that way! The cool thing is, "introvert" "shy", etc. are all /only/ labels. Don't let these words cripple you. Just hold your chin high. it's easier than you think!


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## sourgirl (Mar 4, 2015)

Chapster said:


> I think you should call her up and ask her to coffee. Only /you/ know your intentions, and if a date isn't, than trust yourself on that! Trust in your ability to either explain to her that you don't have any intentions to be in a romantic relationship, or wait for her to ask herself, because it could eventually cross her mind. And remember, as much as socializing can be awkward for people like you and me, it doesn't /have/ to be that way! The cool thing is, "introvert" "shy", etc. are all /only/ labels. Don't let these words cripple you. Just hold your chin high. it's easier than you think!


Yes I agree with chapster just do it! I know you've been hurt, I've been there. I've tried making friends with people who didn't want to be my friend or people who had enough friends... I think you got to keep trying! Good friends are hard to find (better said then done) but don't give up!


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

Whenever i meet someone new and they're a dude i make sure to put an emphasis on saying "Oh yeah he can definitely hang out again soon... you, know as friends?? "

That's the make or break right there.

I also used to struggle with not coming off as too needy or clingy. Whenever i tried making new friends they'd never call me after i gave them my number or they'd meet up with me once and i'd get all emotionally attached. I've stopped caring ^_^

I have friends on here and i have friends ive known for years. If i see them once a month, so be it. I'm sick of asking to hang out anyway. They can see me if they want to. lol


I spose if u just continue being ur awesome self and very casual, eventually u'll find someone who wants to spend time with u. I realised once i stopped trying so hard, ppl flocked to me. Go figure lol


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## CoffeeGuy (Sep 23, 2013)

Thanks for the responses and advise guys!

Unfortunately, my first real attempt at hanging out with people failed today. I met a couple of people who I know pretty well after work who were about to go off and hang out for a few hours, and I inserted myself into the group and kept up casual conversation. I thought things were going good, but then as they were about to leave to hang out I basically got told to leave (ironically by the same girl in my OP who I'm hoping to build a friendship with. lol). It was pretty obvious I wasn't welcome to come along. 

Oh well, it wasn't really a planned thing as I just happened to show up at that time, so I'm sure not including me wasn't anything personal..(i hope). I wont let it get me down, and I'll try and set up a more official meetup later with these people and see what happens.


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