# Yesterday my dad told me i was "social"! Are you social even though you have SA?



## supersoshychick (Jun 4, 2009)

*Yesterday my dad told me i was "social"! Are you social even though you have SA?*

OMG, i couldn't believe my ears at all. My dad has always been negative towards me, telling me how miserable i am, how i need to "get out in the world". How i need to meet people, yet yesterday he said, "your social" WHAT!?!?!. lol.

I guess because i've been putting myself "out there" in the world recently....well very little. Like when i come home (my mom and i are really close) i usually go speak w/ my mom for like 2 hours, and my dad is in the room too. I talk w/ her about my day and my social situations.

From the day i was born until like the middle of this year, i've let people control me, take advantage of me, saying "yes" to everything, and being afraid to speak up for myself. But i've realized that i shouldn't be afraid to say what i need to say; because there's nothing that other person can do to me. They won't kill me because i said "no" or because i stood up for myself.

I'm still understanding that not everyone will like me, and i try my hardest to please people so i can have acceptance from them. And what i'm puzzled about is, people that i hate, i continue to try to please them, so they're my "friend" in the future. I feel now, why would i want them to be my friend if i hate them, or if they hate me? I have to learn to let people go and not force them to like me.

I'll be 20 in a couple of months, and it's scary because i feel like a 12y/o mentally, and i'm forced to grow up now and act like a mature person.....

Well anyways, my question for you all is, do you think your social, even though you have social anxiety?


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

I'm not very social though I'm not as bothered by being in public as I use to be, I still try to avoid it as much as I can.

Congrats on your "Social Butterfly" status!


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

I would say so. I've been putting myself out there a lot and I'll be more involved in the campus then anyone I know next term. Also with my friends back from winter break I've been going out and doing stuff most of the time. So I think soon I'll be more social then most non SA people or at least that's the idea. 

For the feeling like your 12 I think that will go away once you get out there more or at least it did for me. I realized that I wasn't socially stupid because I really was that dumb but that anxiety impared me. I can relate a lot to the trying to please people you hate and having no idea why. I still have trouble with it too.


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

Nah. My family members always refer to me as the hermit, recluse, shut-in, loner, wallflower, etc.--because I am all of those things. ​


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## HTF (Nov 15, 2009)

not really, parents always tell me to go and and do stuff, and to get out of my cave(my room). but i can be social if i'm in a comfortable situation.


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## sash (Nov 16, 2009)

I'm categorized as friendly and likeable...but not social...no, I think I have a ways to go. I'm pretty sure I can get there, if I can get out and do more. Great job, though! And keep it up! :|


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## Lost_loner (May 3, 2008)

If I'm comfortable around the person I can be pretty social. I think a lot of us are like that...unfortunatly there's only about 4 people who i'm comfortable talking to.


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## Bankai (Dec 20, 2009)

Try being an extrovert with anxiety, it's one of the most repugnant issues to try to work through.


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## izzy (Dec 18, 2009)

Bankai said:


> Try being an extrovert with anxiety, it's one of the most repugnant issues to try to work through.


I've been wondering what it'd be like to be an extrovert with SA...

8th grade, I became social...but just for that year. I went back to being quiet, but a different quiet prior to 8th grade. Even though I rarely socialize, I was able to call someone out for being a moron in class.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

I'm not that social I guess. People call me quiet. But I hope I can try to change the way I interact with people next year for my final year in university.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

I'd say in general I am. As when I'm around people I feel comfortable with, my family included, I can be very chatty and outgoing in conversation. Same goes for when I talk with people I'm comfortable with talking to online. On the other hand if I'm around other people - or in a situation - that provokes anxious feelings in me then I feel and behave very differently. I do think if it weren't for my SAD/OCD then I would be a pretty sociable person in general though.



supersoshychick said:


> I'm still understanding that not everyone will like me, and i try my hardest to please people so i can have acceptance from them. And what i'm puzzled about is, people that i hate, i continue to try to please them, so they're my "friend" in the future. I feel now, why would i want them to be my friend if i hate them, or if they hate me? I have to learn to let people go and not force them to like me.


I'm the same too  I tend to seek other people's approval alot - even those who I don't especially like. As I guess I hope going out of my way to be nice to them, will make them change. This is something I'm trying to change though. As unfortunately, there are some people out there who will never like you - or are likely to ever posess the traits that you personally appreciate in a person. Not because of anything personally to do with you, but because of factors out of your control. I appreciate it's not a quick or easy process though. I still slip from time to time!


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## Duke of Prunes (Jul 20, 2009)

I'm not really very social or sociable without the aid of certain substances. It takes a few shots or a few pints (or a joint) before I can really be myself and have the confidence to socialise "normally". Without any kind of substances, I'm pretty distant and not very talkative (unless I'm conversing with someone I know really well on a one-to-one basis, but even then I still hold back a lot), and most people assume I'm some autistic-y person with little-to-no social skills (when in fact I have decent social skills, I'm just usually too anxious to utilise them).

For example, at parties, I usually drink a little bit, enough to get a mild confidence boost (I don't usually like to drink to get drunk, I'd prefer to get high instead as it's far more pleasant), and I have multi-way conversations with ease, then when I wake up next morning, I can't even look at the same people in the face let alone talk to them.


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## Wulf chan (Oct 28, 2009)

Around certain people I'm very socialable, which is weird. Some people I'm just quiet with and it's frustrating because I can be extremely social with some people :\ not even people I know. I can randomly talk to people I don't know about crap making myself look like a moron yet it's funny. What the hell XD


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## supersoshychick (Jun 4, 2009)

Wulf chan said:


> Around certain people I'm very socialable, which is weird. Some people I'm just quiet with and it's frustrating because I can be extremely social with some people :\ not even people I know. I can randomly talk to people I don't know about crap making myself look like a moron yet it's funny. What the hell XD


lol same here. Social anxiety has stolen my Christmas  
I went to my family's home, and towards the end when more people came, idk i just freaking frozed.


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## compulsive dreamer (Dec 9, 2009)

Actually, I don't think like I'm social, I'll never start a conversation with anybody if ii don't know them, but in college when someone starts a conversation with me, I'll try to give a good first impression...


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## Hamster (Sep 3, 2009)

i feel like socializing A LOT (i get the entire conversation in my head and what to say), but then fear strikes, nausea, heart beat, gah.


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## epril (Mar 24, 2009)

Bankai said:


> Try being an extrovert with anxiety, it's one of the most repugnant issues to try to work through.


Fascinating. I don't think of extroverts having social anxiety.

I'm an introvert, and I'm social as much as I can be, though most of it is unnatural and I need to make myself socialize.


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## freshjive (Jun 4, 2008)

I think social anxiety=low self esteem. 

Im sure there are countless stories on here about how people have been social but still felt like they werent good enough. 

I think to truly overcome SA you need to correct the root of the problem, which, imo, is low self esteem. After that, I think you can truly be cured of SA.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I voted "I don't know." I get worn out by too much socializing, but I still like to be social from time to time. It's probably why I spend so much time on this message board.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

The only people in my town who know my name are my apartment managers and the maintenance guy, so... no, I can't call myself social.

Being social with SA is admirable though. Shows that you're willing to fight through it and won't run and hide just because it's hard.


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## Akira90125 (Jun 12, 2009)

- im a social person but that doesn't=extrovert. extroverts with social anxiety probably suffer much more than introverts with social anxiety.


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## Mello (Oct 1, 2009)

Usually I speak when spoken to, but once I see that someone wants to talk to me, i become more at ease and talkative. When I'm high or drunk i'm all out there I'd say anything on my mind. The only people I feel 0 anxiety with is family and few friends.


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## Atari82 (Jan 19, 2010)

Alright lets put it this way for lotta people

I Think Lotta People Here are "social" otherwise they wouldn't have SAD
We all are "social" but we have a fear in us that can't bring are "social" side out of us around people
Thus we have SOCIAL ANXIETY


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## asgoodasitgets (Jan 21, 2010)

I have been told that I am very cordial. Well ya, cuz I learned to ask people about themselves and people just love to take about themselves.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Bankai said:


> Try being an extrovert with anxiety, it's one of the most repugnant issues to try to work through.


I am a pseudo-extrovert. Yes, it is hard, especially when some of my symptoms are visible.


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## Shystah (Jan 25, 2010)

Ever hear of a hairdresser with SA? lol. I am social but struggle with each client. Some clients more than others. But I love doing hair and refuse to stop what I am doing because of my SA. In fact, in some ways it has made me deal with it, address it, and face it full on. MY SA might actually be worse if I didn't have the job I do. Practice makes perfect.


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## SocialGuyWthSocialAnxiety (Jan 26, 2010)

freshjive said:


> I think social anxiety=low self esteem.
> 
> Im sure there are countless stories on here about how people have been social but still felt like they werent good enough.
> 
> I think to truly overcome SA you need to correct the root of the problem, which, imo, is low self esteem. After that, I think you can truly be cured of SA.


I agree 100%
my screen name fits this thread well..lol


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## SocialGuyWthSocialAnxiety (Jan 26, 2010)

i never heard of....Extrovert

But i looked it up and its fits me well.... except only sometimes when i see ppl i shake and get extremely nervous for no reason!! :|


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## stars (Nov 20, 2009)

I like people and i prefer being around them than being alone but because i get so anxious i started being on my own a lot. Now i'm miserable.


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## sberkley (Jan 28, 2010)

I dont know if being an extrovert with SA is harder , I think the opposite is true . Because when you go to a party an extrovert is mingling and not standing out like a sore thumb like and introvert would be . At a party I try to hide , and if I do become noticed i get horrid anxiety and often find a reason to leave the room .


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## Drew (Jan 23, 2006)

Yep, even my brother was surprised that I came out and told him I'd dealt with social anxiety for so long. I did a really good job of hiding it for a long time, which of course made the anxiety worse by trying to keep it hidden.

I would consider myself social at times and shy at times...it depends on the situation and the level of anxiety I'm feeling. Back when my social anxiety was its worst, I'd work my anxiety up so much that I'd get physically ill and throw up before and sometimes during social events. People wondered why I'd never want to go when I seemed to "enjoy" myself so much. :roll


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## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

That's a great compliment. I don't know if i'm all around "social," but i'm definately more social on the inside than I appear to be on the outside.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I've been doing more social things lately, but I don't know that I would identify with that word overall. My mom told me I'm "fun" though. Does that count for something, even if it's from your mom?


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## Cerz (Jan 18, 2010)

I have no friends here, i recently moved to Canada. I don't mind though, i find people on the internet more fun and easier to talk to anyway


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## Saekon (Jan 13, 2010)

There's a group of people that consider me "social" and another group that consider me a hermit. The group that consider me a hermit are the people I've never talked to, because they've never talked to me, I'm not a conversation starter when it comes to strangers. I wouldn't consider myself a social person, though, I'm really quite unfeeling when I talk to people, it's more like information gathering, than socialising most of the time...


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## sara01 (Feb 4, 2010)

I am sometimes...but it's almost like I use all my energy doing that for a bit. Then I get shy again and I try to hide from people. My "friends" always get very confused by this. I'll call them and go out with them for a few days, then they won't see or hear from me for a while. Yeah, I'm erratic with social stuff. Courage one day, then it's gone the next.


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