# Mispercieved as homosexual



## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

Being a fully grown adult male who has never had a girlfriend, nor openly likes to show or express interest in looking for one, and who used to run away from girls back at school when they tried to pick me up. I have been often seen as a homosexual. Anyone else who has been branded something they are not.


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

I'm mistaken for straight all the time :stu


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I wouldn't be surprised if someone labeled me as a homosexual.

Though I'm more likely to be labeled a crusty old perv :con 

Sure I've been branded rude, mute, deaf, dumb, hopeless, incapable and so forth.


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## workinprogress87 (Dec 5, 2007)

I remember overhearing someone saying in a sort of hushed way in the high school locker room that there was something between me and some other nerdy Asian guy.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I sometimes wonder if my parents think I'm gay. I mean it's been almost 27 years and there hasn't been one girl to call the house asking for me...ever. I think the only thing that lets them know I'm straight is the Sport Illustrated swimsuit calender on my wall. That and I also don't have any guy friends either. I would imagine if I actually had a social life and went out with male friends, but never brought any females around, then they'd start to wonder. But that's not the case either.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I assume that my family thinks I'm a closeted lesbian. When you're a woman in her 20s who has never dated or shown any interest in men, people tend to draw their own conclusions. I was referred to as a lesbian all through high school and I've had girls hit on me, so my family aren't the only people to think this. It doesn't really bother me.. it's doubtful that I'll ever date anyone (of any gender), so refuting misconceptions about my sexuality are pointless.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

My mother of all people asked me if I was gay when I was 17. 

I don't talk to her much.


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## russophile1977 (Jan 16, 2006)

I'm 30 and I've never had a boyfriend so I can't imagine what my family must think. I don't think I've ever been mislabelled in any way, about my sexuality or about anything else.


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## eekmd (Jun 19, 2005)

It's happened to me on a number of occasions where people have assumed that I was gay. I think people assume that because we SA guys are not forward, macho, and always trying to "pick up" ladies....that it's because we're not attracted to them. They don't realize that the shyness tends to overcome such actions.

I don't really mind though. Getting hit on by a guy is just as big of an ego boost as getting hit on by a girl. Even if you're not interested.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Back in middle school some kids thought I was gay. I think this was because one of my only two friends in middle school was kind of effeminate. He was a mega-smart kid whom I met in third grade and we rode the same bus and used to sit together on the bus. So I recall a couple comments thrown my way from typical jerks about being gay and stuff. I don't know whether he is gay; it never even entered my mind in middle school because those ideas weren't really known to me. 

In high school, however, I was more aware of sex-related issues and the fact that I was suspected to be gay because I was friends with the kid actually caused me to distance myself from him a little bit such as trying not to choose him as a study partner if we had to do that in class. I'm pretty ashamed of that. In previous years we had never hung out after school or were really good friends so it wasn't like we had a solid friendship; we were just school friends who sat together on the bus and at lunch. But I felt kind of bad about it even though he probably never noticed I was behaving differently toward him. After our graduation ceremony he came up to me in the hall and kindly said that he was glad we were friends and we wished each other good luck. I saw him a couple times during college on the bus but haven't seen him in ten years. I wonder if he became a doctor; that was his ambition.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

I've always feared this. I've only heard one comment in this regard. I really don't know what women think of me. One said I'll never get a gf. She wasn't trying to be mean I don't think, I can't remember what her explanation was, but I think she said it had something to do with me not trusting.

She knows me pretty well. I wonder what others think however :stu


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

*Re: Misperceived as homosexual*

I was smiling as I read your post, also mserychic's reply.

Meh, it happens to me all the time. I'm single, my disabled sister lives with me, I'm rarely seen in public with a man, Dee is always with me, people assume. On the other hand, we are close, we call each other hon, or she is sitting there touching my hair, pulling it from my collar, I can't imagine why anyone would think I was gay......

Then, I have Marlyn Monroe posters on my wall, I recently found a playboy where she posed nude! I wear a purple leather jacket.......

I can't count how many times I've heard "OH YOU TWO ARE SISTERS I THOUGHT YOU WERE"

Oh, oh, oh! Here's a good one. When I was having my daughter, Dee was with me, we are very protective of each other, she left the room with my Mom, the two nurses (who were fantastic) said "You can tell us the truth, we don't care, is she REALLY your sister or is she your partner"............LOL!

What is wrong with people;-))))


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## markx (Dec 22, 2007)

*Re: Misperceived as homosexual*

I don't think I've ever been perceived as homosexual (apart from when my Match.com profile got listed amongst the "women seeking women" - lol, was I popular!) but because I've never shown any interest in the opposite sex (in public) I'd guess that I'd be perceived as completely _asexual_. To admit to my family now that I'm a red-blooded male after all would be akin to coming out of the closet. It's bad enough being in the spotlight at all but having to admit that I'm actually "normal" would be yet one more thing that would hold me back. I've absolutely no idea what I'm going to do if my Match ad ever leads to anything. :um


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

My cousin and her husband seemed to recently be under the impression that I was bisexual (for some reason, they didn't come out and just label me as gay!!)

And a long while back, a friend of my sister's who was always with a boyfriend, stated that she thought that I was gay just because I didn't bother with guys. 

....Anyhow, I figure that there is a thin line between being highly heterosexual and homosexual. ..I seem to see evidence of this everywhere. So I just take such descriptions of me as a compliment to my sexual virility. -Particularly the label of being 'bisexual' ....I figure that this is even closer to being an oversexed heterosexual. Just like I figure that a lot of oversexed heterosexual males have a 'thing' for lesbians ...isn't really 'lesbians', it's rather that they intuitively know the connection between homosexuality and hyper-heterosexuality. (Pity though, that when the same rules are applied to them they are often rather touchy about it!)


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

mserychic said:


> I'm mistaken for straight all the time :stu


 :hug


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Very interesting responses from everyone!

For some bizarre reason, people haven't suggested I'm gay despite not having been on a single date with any female or actively talking about how "hot" different women are.

In college I was suspected by people in the dorms to have had a secret, sexual relationship with this female friend of mine. Once we moved in together (for two years), this cemented some of their suspicions despite the extreme inaccuracy. So I guess they still believed I'm straight despite my total lack of "action."

I would tell them their suspicions of our relationship weren't true in a calm way (being too defensive might make it seem like they were on to something), but that didn't matter to them so I just gave up and let them believe what they wanted to believe. Eventually, my friend and I played along and told these people raunchy details of things that never happened! :lol

Ugh, this reminds me of how awkward it was for me to tell my parents I was planning on living with a girl. It probably wasn't a big deal, but they had never even met her before and I didn't want them to think there was anything more to it than friendship. Ugh, awkward!

I've also been told that I will never be in a relationship (implying romantic relationship), but I actually agree with them... and that doesn't upset me.


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## FillyPhile (Nov 28, 2007)

I've been told by more than one person that I "sound" gay. Even my wife once said I have a "lilt" to my voice. It used to bother me, but as I grow older, I've become more and more secure in my heterosexuality.

As you may have gathered by my screen name, though, my problem is that I've always been obsessed with women.


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## leavemealone158 (Nov 23, 2007)

mserychic said:


> I'm mistaken for straight all the time :stu


Me too. I'm a heart breaker with the guys.


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## bbarn (Dec 22, 2007)

i'm pretty sure my friends think i am. it's like we have girls for you and i look at them with this weird stare and don't usually say much after that. They probably talk amongst themselves and be like what's wrong with him


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## RacerX (Jun 12, 2006)

Hmm lets see here...I'm a 21 year old guy, muscular body, tanned, stylish and never had a girlfriend or had a girl call the house in my life. I'd bet money on my parents thinking I'm gay.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...I'd take it as a kind of compliment to be perceived as gay or bisexual.

...For one thing, studies done and reported of in New Scientist magazine showed that the average gay male has a more masculine physique as well as larger penis size than the average heterosexual male.

For a long time I have suspected that there is a strange dynamic going on that involves some sort of small difference between being hyper-heterosexual and homosexual. Just like I've understood and personally experienced an unusual dynamic involving a small difference between having "masculine sexuality" and "feminine sexuality". 

With the latter, an example I can give is how young women are said to be the most stressed-out group of people and that it has to do with what has been dubbed the "maddonna-hoare" syndrome; which is basically a conflict between masculine and feminine drives within a person: one part of a person wants sex for the pleasure, gain, etc and the other part wants sex in terms of commitment, security, etc. And that whilst every person has one side more 'dominant' than the other -like how some people are more interested in commitment than in easy going sexual encounters- such a person still has 'the other side' within them, often unconscious or repressed.

...Well anyhow, I went a bit off topic there (am a little bored)

I notice though that homosexuality isn't so threatening for women. I also notice how a fair few heterosexual males have "a thing" for "lesbians" -only it ain't real lesbians, it's rather that people intuitively know that there is a small difference between being an oversexed heterosexual and being homosexual. 

I also suspect (and at least once had my theory confirmed) that homophobic guys are often the ones with "a thing" for "lesbians". -Cos they don't mind the other sex doing a bit of gender bending; just like say for example they don't mind when women get in touch with their "masculine side" or "when good girls go bad" ...and their as turned on by this as they feel threatened by the same 'small difference' between hyper-hetero and homosexual showing up in them. -They don't even want to think about it. 

Then there is the phonomenon of cross dressing: Mick Jagger, arguably the face of male hyper-heterosexuality of our era, indulged in cross-dressing (even before the band became popular). Cross dressing men have been described as being "dedicated heterosexuals". ...My "theory" -if I can call it that- is that they feel the pinch -the equivalent of "the madonna-hoare conflict" that young women feel fairly intensely, or more intensely than the average male. 

My theory about cross dresses is that they are very out of touch with "the feminine within" and kind of do a bit of gender bending to 'balance out'. (Ever been to a party or dress up party where a guy or group of guys is a bit of a misogynist, and he's dressed up as a woman, almost making fun a little ...yet there's more going on than just making fun of the opposite sex.)

...Anyhow, to me I just see all this evidence of a fine line between polar opposites -a line that is finer for people who have stronger inclinations, are more extreme (though a little difference comes out as a lot -which is my whole understanding).

O.K. there you go!! I'll be quiet now. It's just that sex is such an interesting topic...


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

It's happened before. I know some people thought of me that way in HS and got hit on that way once.

Not many guys ever work where I am now. Those that do, more often than not are gay and it's usually no secret(with all the gossiping girls). I wouldn't be surprised if some co-workers think I'm gay since I've talked about any relationships, or girlfriends, or have any female friends visit me... blah, blah, blah. Not that I ever talk about much anyway.


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## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

Hah. Here is the rundown with me.

I love to workout (must be part of the gay bodybuilder culture)

I have turned down advances from undesirable women in the bar (He must be gay as that is the first time some dude drinking by himself turned me down)

Always seen in public by myself (I've known him for years and I have never seen him with a woman)

When at bar does not show any apparent interest in women (He must be gay as he never womanizes.)

30 years old in a small town...not married with any kids. (Must be gay..that is why he isn't married)

The sentences in parenthesis is what I ASSUME people are thinking/talking about me. But they have never questioned my sexuality to my face. Maybe behind my back But that is part of SA. You think people are always talking about you.

I do kid with my friends about being assexual from time to time. But my close friends know that i am a closet heterosexual.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Some insecure women rely on the "gay" accusation in order to shield their bloated egos from the possibility that not all men are sexually attracted to them.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Sometimes I thought a couple guys (2-3) on my floor in college maybe thought I was gay. That was probably because a gay guy (whom was friends with everyone on the floor) was chatting with me in the hallway for about 30 minutes, and they saw that. 

The next day they were in the hallway and jokingly said (I knew these guys since they lived a few doors down, so I really didnt take any offense or anything), 'Where were you man, hanging out at gregs place?', and I responded 'No, just came back from the store', 'Oh sure you were hanging out at gregs place man, cmon, gayyyyy!', and I responded 'Haha sure, yeah whatever man, i'm not at all gay, you can check my computer and verify my several gigs of straight downloads'. They laughed, lol. 

Geez you nicely talk to someone thats gay for 30 minutes in the hallway and everyone auto-assumes because you talked to them, you must be gay too. :wtf is that.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i bet my family (and maybe friends) would think i was gay, since i didn't talk openly about my crushes and i'm not the kind of person who would say "goddamn that guy is fine". i also have a lot of lovely paintings of (some of them) nude women on my wall (by edvard munch) so maybe that would give them the "wrong" idea, even though i can obviously still appreciate the female figure even if i'm straight. 

either way i don't really care if they thought i was gay, unless they did something like bother me about it and try to set me up with someone.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

ardrum said:


> Some insecure women rely on the "gay" accusation in order to shield their bloated egos from the possibility that not all men are sexually attracted to them.


That happened to me during one of my four "Saturdays" clubbing in June, 1999. It was a turning point in my life, but I have say what happened.

Yes, I was by myself and this girl came up to me and asked me if I wanted to what amounted to sucking a LifeSaver candy off the shirt of a girl for a dollar. I was never raised to do that kind of thing, or had never had any girlfriend, so you could obviously tell how shellshocked I would be at that moment. I was only 23. They had no idea how uncomfortable that made me. I ended up doing it, but it was just weird - they congratulated me and then proceeded to accuse me of being homosexual.

As it turned out they were part of a bachelorette party. To reaclim any kind of ego, I asked one of the girls - who seemed quiet if she would like to dance. I was practically laughed out of the club.

Let's see - that was over 8 years ago. I don't even care in the least bit what happened to those girls or if the "bride" is still married.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Um.....that's illegal on two fronts. Showing it in a certain area, and more importantly - in the workplace. There are laws against what you are experiencing at that gold mining company, at least here in the U.S.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

The Australian Wild West! :lol


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## Prism (Dec 17, 2004)

When I was growing up in middle school and early high school I was called gay a few times but probably no more than any other kid. It was just a popular insult. It bothered me at the time, like I think most kids would be bothered, but I am now completely secure with my heterosexuality.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

mserychic said:


> I'm mistaken for straight all the time :stu


You're in the Bay Area! They have straight people there? :lol


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

UltraShy said:


> mserychic said:
> 
> 
> > I'm mistaken for straight all the time :stu
> ...


In spite of stereotypes, even there homosexuals are a minority.

In response to the original subject:
Yes, fairly regularly. There have been off-hand comments about other things that make me feel worse, even though I think they though they were helping.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm just perceived as weird. I've never had a problem of people thinking I'm gay. They probably expect gay men to have style, which I clearly lack.


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## Shaundion (Nov 12, 2003)

My lack of girlfriend growing up often led to people believing I was homosexual...of course they were right, but still they shouldn't have assumed


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## Jenikyula (Nov 7, 2007)

I like homosexuals. =)


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