# Why do I have to be the one who contacts people first?



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Why does it seem like I always have to be the one to contact people to hang out? It makes me feel like people are doing a favor for me when we hang out because they don't ask me. This contributes to my low self-esteem. Then again, it could be a chicken and egg situation. Maybe my low self esteem makes people NOT want to hang out with me.

If it makes me "entitled" because I think friends should contact me once in a while out of the blue, then I guess I am entitled.


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## 2school4cool (Nov 10, 2014)

Well I'm sorry to say you might not be firmly established as part of the regular "hangout buddies" then. It sucks but when someone's already part of a group that hangs out together regularly, this stuff happens. 

But depending on the activity, it could be easy for you to become part of the group. Let's say you know some people who like to go shoot some pool after work and get along well with them. Maybe one day when they're about to go you could assert yourself and ask to come along. Then next time be around when they're about to leave for pool and I'd think they'll extend the invitation to you. Repeat until you're a group regular.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

same here.. which is why I dont text my acquaintances -___-


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## bfs (Jan 9, 2015)

Well this is one of the reasons I don't hang out with people who aren't my friends most of the time. 

I think you are expecting more from people than what the relationship actually is. Like you believe you're friends with the person/people while they probably think of you as another person at the job. Or something to that effect.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I've been on the same boat more times than you can count. At first I thought that's just the way they are, never contact people and just sit around waiting for others to contact them. But then I found out they often times would initiate contact with other friends and vice versa, and they only don't initiate contact with "me only". That messed up my self-esteem, and still to this very moment.


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## jim11 (May 23, 2011)

Because you're not considered as their close friend, or you're the needy one?


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

I've wondered about this sometimes. Most times I have to be the one who organizes a night at the movies or whatever. Although it seems like certain people are the ones who wait around for me to initiate contact. One friend of mine never texts me first. I'm always the one who texts him first and asks to go out. However he says he is always busy so I can kind of understand. Another friend always invites me everywhere he goes but it doesn't happen that often, but I never really organize anything with him myself. I think the way it works is that once someone is the designated "organizer" of events, they will always be the one who suggests when to go out, and the other person will just wait until they suggest something. That's probably why you're the one who always has to initiate contact first.


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## sourgirl (Mar 4, 2015)

vicente said:


> Why does it seem like I always have to be the one to contact people to hang out? It makes me feel like people are doing a favor for me when we hang out because they don't ask me. This contributes to my low self-esteem. Then again, it could be a chicken and egg situation. Maybe my low self esteem makes people NOT want to hang out with me.
> 
> If it makes me "entitled" because I think friends should contact me once in a while out of the blue, then I guess I am entitled.


I don't have friends but I hate being the one to initiate things first...


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

I don't necessarily mind doing it. I feel like I can tell how people feel about me regardless of who contacts who and how often, and something like not reaching out to me or ignoring me is just confirmation after the fact. When I started growing apart from a childhood friend and we rarely talked or were able to arrange time together, she didn't need to say that she cares enough to keep in touch but mostly moved on to people who are part of her new lifestyle and like the things she likes.

I do hate complaints on the matter, though, like "all women are constantly surrounded by people seeking to be their friends."


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

I used to be exactly like this. I'd try and try and try to make plans with my friends, and they'd either be too busy or not reply at all, and if and when we DID hang out, it'd be for like an hr or 2 and thats it. We'd get lunch at a local cafe and then they'd have to rush off to something else more important.. -__- It would be the highlight of my week to see them, whereas i felt like a 'chore' they needed to sort out before they could really finish off their day and enjoy it.

The solution;

I made friends on here who text me alot and who reach out to me first (i never would've ever imagined that happening to me!), i joined a shelter to volunteer at.
I go for lots of walks and do reading and writing etc... and most of all, i stopped caring.

If they wanna see me, they make it happen. Cos i cbf with ppl anymore lol. I usually have more fun on my own anyway


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## music understands me (Mar 12, 2015)

vicente said:


> Why does it seem like I always have to be the one to contact people to hang out? It makes me feel like people are doing a favor for me when we hang out because they don't ask me. This contributes to my low self-esteem. Then again, it could be a chicken and egg situation. Maybe my low self esteem makes people NOT want to hang out with me.
> 
> If it makes me "entitled" because I think friends should contact me once in a while out of the blue, then I guess I am entitled.


YES!!!!!!!! I am ALWAYS the person reaching out and seeing if anyone wants to hang out or talk. If i dont, then I lose that person as a friend because they never ccontact me for ANY reason. I don't get it.


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## SuperSaiyanGod (Jan 21, 2014)

That's always been me. I just don't bother anymore since I know nobody cares. I guess I'm not friend material.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

I get this too. I'm always thinking to myself "Do they not value the friendship as much as I do?" Since they don't really bother to reach out to me, I just always feel like I'm bothering them whenever I do try to initiate.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i think my main reason of never contact anyone first were 1. i'm afraid of being ignored 2. i'm afraid to succeed, but being ignored can be comic and being sucessful is not possible so why not>


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I don't because I don't want to be ignored. Also if they respond, I feel like I have to be fun, because I started the conversation.


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## 0FoxFire0 (Mar 20, 2015)

music understands me said:


> YES!!!!!!!! I am ALWAYS the person reaching out and seeing if anyone wants to hang out or talk. If i dont, then I lose that person as a friend because they never ccontact me for ANY reason. I don't get it.


Same here, and I don't get it either. Other people seem to be hanging out and making plans together and exchanging phone numbers and it all comes so easily to them. No one ever wants my number, or if they have it I never hear from them anyways unless I make an effort. And then it's all weird and awkward, because then I feel like if they never initiate contact, maybe it's because they don't want contact. How can it be so difficult to have friends?


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

This usually happens to me too to be honest and I have no idea why this happens to me. Nobody ever asks me to hang out first and I only have 2 friends in my area and neither one of them really ask to hang out with me. They're both on my Facebook and I hate using Facebook cause I hate seeing everyone's posts, I use it strictly to keep in contact with people and that alone. I did ask them and most of the time, I always get them telling me that they're busy and that usually bums me out. So trust me I know where you're coming from. It really bums me out to be honest.


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