# Too kinky/perverted for most relationships



## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Does anyone else feel they are too kinky and perverted for most people of the opposite sex? I'm not going into details here, but to me, vanilla sex can get pretty boring, even though I've only had two experiences, they weren't as thrilling as my fantasies by any stretch. Some of my fantasies can't become realities because they involve magic and stuff that isn't real. I really wish I could be more forward in the early stages of relationships. I don't know if using "must love spanking and ropes" would work as a dating site headline. I don't think I could be happy in a relationship where my sexuality is repressed in some ways.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Maybe you need to get involved in a kink community.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Maybe you have desensitized yourself by watching too many weird pornos or whatever else you are looking at. Also the sex may have not been very good in those two experiences because you had just met them. It can take a while for it to get good with a partner and condoms make things less enjoyable in my opinion.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> Maybe you need to get involved in a kink community.


I have recently joined Fetlife, but my SA prevents from going to any meet ups.



komorikun said:


> Maybe you have desensitized yourself by watching too many weird pornos or whatever else you are looking at. Also the sex may have not been very good in those two experiences because you had just met them. It can take a while for it to get good with a partner and condoms make things less enjoyable in my opinion.


The stuff in most pornos is really tame compared to my fantasies. If you're familiar with fan fic stuff, it's those kind of fantasies. I do understand that regular sex could get better over time, but it seems to me, it would also get boring over time


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Does anyone else feel they are too kinky and perverted for most people of the opposite sex? I'm not going into details here, but to me, vanilla sex can get pretty boring, even though I've only had two experiences, they weren't as thrilling as my fantasies by any stretch. Some of my fantasies can't become realities because they involve magic and stuff that isn't real. I really wish I could be more forward in the early stages of relationships. I don't know if using "must love spanking and ropes" would work as a dating site headline. I don't think I could be happy in a relationship where my sexuality is repressed in some ways.


Aren't there special areas in dating sites for that sort of thing?


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Try not to be discouraged. I'm sure there are other people like you out there, you're just going to have to look harder to find them.


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## ivankaramazov (Aug 22, 2009)

Gryffindor85 said:


> The stuff in most pornos is really tame compared to my fantasies. If you're familiar with fan fic stuff, it's those kind of fantasies. I do understand that regular sex could get better over time, but it seems to me, it would also get boring over time


What is fan fic stuff?

If it's anything like role playing, that's not abnormal at all.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

ivankaramazov said:


> What is fan fic stuff?
> 
> If it's anything like role playing, that's not abnormal at all.


Harry Potter fan fiction is full of some of the kinkiest and most bizarre sex acts imaginable. And I love role playing too. I don't think I'm abnormal, just imaginative.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Well yeah, sometimes I feel like that. I would probably find it difficult to date
someone with a low sex drive, or someone who is only into vanilla sex.


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## Larkspur (Sep 30, 2009)

It kind of depends on what sort of things you are talking about. Some people might get freaked out by the more "extreme" fetishes. ...Roleplaying isn't that abnormal, at all. Then again, it could also depend on some of the scenarios that you wanted to play out for some people. It really depends on the person. If your fantasy is something very specific, it could be harder to find someone that 'matches up'.

Maybe the phrases "sexually adventerous" or "open-minded in bed" might work on dating sites? Or, maybe, you could ask a potential partner in the early stages of the relationship what their fantasy is? That seems like a pretty tame question --the other person can answer as little or as much as they wanted to. Plus, they are bound to ask about yours then.


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## LordScott (Apr 9, 2012)

kinky is my middle name!


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

ivankaramazov said:


> What is fan fic stuff?
> 
> If it's anything like role playing, that's not abnormal at all.


LOL^

um, Hi ivankaramazov - meet the internet.
Internet, meet ivenkaramazov.

Down, internet, down. That's not a nice thing to do to a persons leg.

:um


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Does anyone else feel they are too kinky and perverted for most people of the opposite sex?


Yes. I'm an unashamed pervert.



Gryffindor85 said:


> I don't know if using "must love spanking and ropes" would work as a dating site headline.


Perhaps not on match.com or whatever, but there are sites where that is a pretty tame headline for most people.

Besides, from what I've noticed, most vanilla women are kinky to some degree anyway. That badly written romance novel, 50 shades of grey isn't topping the book charts for nothing.


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## ivankaramazov (Aug 22, 2009)

So it's just people reading and writing about Harry Potter tossing salads and stuff?

That seems more like a hobby than sex.


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## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

I love erotic fan fiction too. It's true, Harry Potter and Twilight fans have some of the dirtiest minds. 50 Shades of Grey started out as a Twilight fanfic. And almost all of these fans are girls/women. You're not alone.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

FetLife, like you mentioned, would be a good place for you. I'm also a member, but just like in regular dating, I don't fit in. I'm way more vanilla than anyone who is on that site. Plus, it's very clique-ish. It almost seems more like a chat among a close group of friends than a welcoming community. I've also found that women who are into fetishes are extremely cold, stuck up and jaded.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

IcedOver said:


> FetLife, like you mentioned, would be a good place for you. I'm also a member, but just like in regular dating, I don't fit in. I'm way more vanilla than anyone who is on that site. Plus, it's very clique-ish. It almost seems more like a chat among a close group of friends than a welcoming community. I've also found that women who are into fetishes are extremely cold, stuck up and jaded.


One thing is that I don't post my face on Fetlife due to the other "pictures" I have on there. I would send a face pic though if someone was interested. I'm more vanilla than some of the extreme kinky people. I'm into spanking, ropes, leashes, collars, role playing, online exhibitionism, and rough sex, I'm not into electro shocking genitals and cutting people or anything that would cause a lot of pain.

Most women on regular dating sites tend to be cold, jaded, and stuck up as well from my experience.

Also, the women from the two experiences I did have said I was too forceful and aggressive during sex, when I thought I was holding back.


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## Fima (Mar 17, 2012)

http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series
its a side effect of porn, stop watching it


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## Tyler Bro (Apr 27, 2012)

Go to Australia and find the nearest brothel.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Fima said:


> http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series
> its a side effect of porn, stop watching it


I have no problem with being perverted, most porn is vanilla anyway.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Yeah, Fetlife is good as I too am a member *shifty eyes* anyway, if you're into kink and all that, instead of attending get togethers and stuff, try and obtain a slave or a sub instead, so a one-on-one with another person instead of meeting a ton of people at once. Get to know that person before teking it offline - those kinds of bdsm things really work once you get into the kinky spirit~


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## Igitur (Apr 29, 2012)

Gryffindor85 said:


> Harry Potter fan fiction is full of some of the kinkiest and most bizarre sex acts imaginable.


Enlighten us?


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

I may visit this Fetlife. I too feel like I am a bit too perverted for some.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

I can't stand vanilla sex either. I prefer chocolate or strawberry.

Mmmm.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Nekomata said:


> Yeah, Fetlife is good as I too am a member *shifty eyes* anyway, if you're into kink and all that, instead of attending get togethers and stuff, try and obtain a slave or a sub instead, so a one-on-one with another person instead of meeting a ton of people at once. Get to know that person before teking it offline - those kinds of bdsm things really work once you get into the kinky spirit~


Yeah, I hope I can get some one's attention on there, at least I feel I can be a little more honest about myself there. On regular dating sites, I always have to hide my perverted side and it's such a part of me, that I don't begin to show my true self without expressing it.



Igitur said:


> Enlighten us?


Some of the things I can't describe on this forum, but google and you shall find more than you could ever read. Let's just say that some of the rape and incest ones are tame compared to some of the stuff that's out there..


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

komorikun said:


> Maybe you have desensitized yourself by watching too many weird pornos or whatever else you are looking at. Also the sex may have not been very good in those two experiences because you had just met them. It can take a while for it to get good with a partner and condoms make things less enjoyable in my opinion.





Gryffindor85 said:


> I have recently joined Fetlife, but my SA prevents from going to any meet ups.
> 
> The stuff in most pornos is really tame compared to my fantasies. If you're familiar with fan fic stuff, it's those kind of fantasies. I do understand that regular sex could get better over time, but it seems to me, it would also get boring over time


I would have to say that the pornography fueled it. How do you _really_ know that the people involved honestly don't like it.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> I would have to say that the pornography fueled it. How do you _really_ know that the people involved honestly don't like it.


Erm... I've been a pervert since I was 10. Way before any porn fuelled it.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Igitur said:


> Enlighten us?


There are these few hundred stories where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy get each other pregnant...

And those are some of the tamer ones..


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

heroin said:


> There are these few hundred stories where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy get each other pregnant...
> 
> And those are some of the tamer ones..


I've never really understood mpreg, I hate accidentally reading slash. Chapter 1- Harry and Ron on Hermione through glory holes, Chapter 2-Harry on Ron...Gryffindor85 stops reading.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

heroin said:


> Erm... I've been a pervert since I was 10. Way before any porn fuelled it.


How were you punished as a child?


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> How were you punished as a child?


Like any bratty kid. Clip around the ear for acting like a brat.


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## closed99 (Feb 15, 2012)

I think perversion is a judgement. I no longer judge myself or others so harshly or try to live by someone else's ideas of what is acceptable. 

Like anything in life, there is always someone a little better at things than you and someone who is a little worse at things than you. Sex is no different. You will find a match, or better yet, someone willing to learn your tastes and improve on your ideas. 

Don't worry about what others think so much. It's your sex life.


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## Iamjohn (Aug 16, 2010)

It's my understanding that most couples who are comfortable with each other will be happy to experiment and try new things. Just don't take sex too seriously and people will be happy to play along. Even if it's not their thing, they'll still occasionally indulge you, provided you reciprocate by doing something for them in turn of course. 

I don't think you necessarily need to find someone into kink and try and build a relationship around that, you can just as easily do the opposite with fantastic results. Give people credit for having a greater sexual imagination than might at first be apparent. Most people are just looking for an excuse to play.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

oops...looks like I dropped my pencil.... .....


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

Sdwarcher said:


> I think perversion is a judgement. I no longer judge myself or others so harshly or try to live by someone else's ideas of what is acceptable.
> 
> Like anything in life, there is always someone a little better at things than you and someone who is a little worse at things than you. Sex is no different. You will find a match, or better yet, someone willing to learn your tastes and improve on your ideas.
> 
> Don't worry about what others think so much. It's your sex life.


That's a great attitude, Sdwrcher!

+1


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*Gryffindor85*



Iamjohn said:


> It's my understanding that most couples who are comfortable with each other will be happy to experiment and try new things. Just don't take sex too seriously and people will be happy to play along. Even if it's not their thing, they'll still occasionally indulge you, provided you reciprocate by doing something for them in turn of course.
> 
> I don't think you necessarily need to find someone into kink and try and build a relationship around that, you can just as easily do the opposite with fantastic results. Give people credit for having a greater sexual imagination than might at first be apparent. Most people are just looking for an excuse to play.


:clap

I think this is also true...and i am just finding it out, now. I was always willing to play with whatever a partner wanted but i've finally found someone im comfortable with & now can express myself, too. So yeah, it's finding the right person, and it's finding someone who is willing to try things out becuase you have give and take and trust and love.
I think a kinky site is a good idea, if only becuase those people are going to be more open minded; however I disagree about working it out online.

Meet them early on to see if you have chemistry becuase otherwise your just wasting time with someone you'll never have a satisfying life with.

You'll meet your match i'm proud of you for trying, for putting forth effort!

You can do it!


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## little lion (Apr 28, 2012)

Maybe being too forward sexually during the early stages of a relationship could make you come across like you lack a bit of respect?


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## Igitur (Apr 29, 2012)

heroin said:


> There are these few hundred stories where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy get each other pregnant...
> 
> And those are some of the tamer ones..


Yeah thats pretty far from the worst thing imaginable.


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

I wish people were naturally more forward about sexual things on dating sites and stuff, that's what I like about Fetlife. Everyone is interested in sex, but they always try to put a facade up on dating sites, and I always felt dishonest hiding behind a facade where I tried to act like I wasn't perverted.

Anyway, I have met some long distance online roleplay partners on Fetlife, but haven't found anyone nearby, too nervous just to start randomly adding friends because they are local. Also terrified of going to socials as I mentioned before.


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## fanatic203 (Jun 23, 2010)

Igitur said:


> Enlighten us?


The giant squid.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

NatureFellow said:


> oops...looks like I dropped my pencil.... .....


you mean wand?


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## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)

Even on Fetlife, one girl I'm roleplaying with says that my aggressiveness is too much for her. She's a switch, guess I really do need a sub or slave.


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