# The Healthier I Get the More Angry I Become!



## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Hello everyone,
So recently I have become better at saying "no" to people and not being so overly nice to everyone I meet. This feels good and I realize that I have never behaved this way before! The result is a lot of unexpressed anger that is now surfacing. I tend to get angrier at people easily and I get worried that people are trying to take advantage of me. Has anyone else experienced this? Once their assertiveness skills increase they find themselves angry a lot?


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## jbel1021 (Apr 21, 2011)

When you say healthy, does that suggest that you are eating healthier? Are you eating enough? I have a SHORT temper when I don't eat enough.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Yes, this will definitely happen. It's part of the process of overcoming anxiety. You are starting to test your ground in areas where you used to retreat. Basically, you are too fired up (for now) because you feel that that is what it takes to be able to be assertive. With new skills, it takes a little while to find the middle ground.

I would definitely monitor the situations where you have to stand up for yourself. Make a quick note on things you might do different. 

It is simply an adjustment.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> Yes, this will definitely happen. It's part of the process of overcoming anxiety. You are starting to test your ground in areas where you used to retreat. Basically, you are too fired up (for now) because you feel that that is what it takes to be able to be assertive. With new skills, it takes a little while to find the middle ground.
> 
> I would definitely monitor the situations where you have to stand up for yourself. Make a quick note on things you might do different.
> 
> It is simply an adjustment.


Thanks Millenniumman! This is what I thought! Jbel, I used healthier to describe that I'm more assertive with others.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

JoeMagaro said:


> For sure. You are just feeling around the boundaries of what you perceive as passive and what you perceive as aggressive. Assertiveness feels really good after a long time of just going along with what everyone said, doesn't it?


Sure does!


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## Christina123 (May 26, 2011)

Wow. It's not just me You're describing exactly what I'm experiencing in your OP.


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

Yup, twill happen to ya!

But see this as something you can learn from. Next thing, you notice the anger before it gets a change to bubble. Controling the anger comes next. Try not let yourself cross the line of assertiveness to anger, and you will do it. You have proved that by steeping over the line of the 'nice' person. Now you step from the anger back to assertivness.

Assertivness can be a difficult tool to learn. Once learnd, it is a master piece in action and can make you feel quite empowered...

The unexpressed anger, is there another way you can take this and project it? IDK, but just putting an idea out there...


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Ambitious, I don't really know what to do with the unexpressed anger except to be as assertive as possible and use anger appropriately from now on. I have noticed that being more assertive has been a massive improvement for me (more so than learning how to do small talk and other superficial social skills) I don't feel the pressure to be "nice" anymore and it feels really good. I can finally just be me. I don't let insults from others "slip' anymore. Instead of being overly empathetic and only looking at it from the other person's perspective I focus on how the comment made me feel and I respond to it. I encourage anyone who thinks they may have issues with assertiveness to work on it because _you can change._


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## bigcat1967 (Apr 20, 2010)

It sounds like there could be some anger issues from being pushed down all those years. I've had something like that years ago - but learned how to release the anger after a while.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Thanks for the replies! Bigcat, I think my "issue" is that I realized I never expressed anger to people and I now realize how unhealthy that was for me. Now that I'm expressive it seems excessive because I've never done it before.


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

Are you taking about unexpressed anger from the past or is it the bubbling anger you are trying not to express when you become assertive?


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

After I learned to say no, the next thing I learned to say was **** you, mother****er!

I'm considerably more chilled-out these days, but that could just be a function of my having worn out both middle fingers.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

That happens to me. I remember situations where I didn't do anything I think its my mind's way of trying to see what I could do if I wanted to. I think it will take me and you time.


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Ambitious said:


> Are you taking about unexpressed anger from the past or is it the bubbling anger you are trying not to express when you become assertive?


I think it is going overboard with anger and boundary setting because I've never done it before.


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## Curtis090 (Feb 19, 2011)

Mae West said:


> Hello everyone,
> So recently I have become better at saying "no" to people and not being so overly nice to everyone I meet. This feels good and I realize that I have never behaved this way before! The result is a lot of unexpressed anger that is now surfacing. I tend to get angrier at people easily and I get worried that people are trying to take advantage of me. Has anyone else experienced this? Once their assertiveness skills increase they find themselves angry a lot?


Oh WOW! I thought I was the only one having these severe anger issues! I'm getting a lot better too and I'm getting a lot more frustrated too! I worry about them taking advantage of me too and I get angry at small things, Thinking they are trying to manipulate me! I could have wrote this myself! Exactly how I've been feeling.

I've always thought it was just bottled up anger over the years, I've also been wondering if I should maybe take anger lessons. But from the replies, It looks like it is normal.


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

Maybe if you have something to can use to take the anger down a little. Maybe something you can have in your pocket and hold in your hand, so that when you feel the anger you can squeeze it and let the anger get directed some place else? Just an idea...

Begin to conciously reconise you behaviours, both verbal and physical, and become aware of when the assertivness turns into anger.

Hope you find your way soon anyway...


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Curtis,
I'm glad you can relate. I'm going a bit overboard challenging people these days but I think it's OK. I have been so caring and comforting and self sacrificing for others in the past that it is time to do the same for myself. I think it's healthy to wonder if people are taking advantage of you. Many have their own agendas and want for you what's best for them not for you. I think I'm probably shocked by my own anger because I've never experienced it before so _any_ anger seems inappropriate. Ambitious, I'm starting to notice when my reactions are too strong to perceived insults. I think sometimes they are based on the built up anger I have for the person and I may be responding to what they are saying in the present _and _what they have said in the past...


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## Ambitious (Apr 17, 2011)

Well i hope you can find your way soon. You will, with time, as time is biggest healer and informer..

Good luck


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## Mae West (Sep 15, 2005)

Ambitious said:


> Well i hope you can find your way soon. You will, with time, as time is biggest healer and informer..
> 
> Good luck


Thanks!


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## perpetualreeling (Jun 13, 2011)

Right on mae west! great thread.
I think it's healthy to see it as part of the healing process. It's currently happening to me occasionally and I'd always gone Oh not another thing, so I think I'll try to see it your way. As far as channeling goes, I think the best thing I can do when I start to feel the anger is to make sure that what I am talking about is specific to the argument/slight. sometimes helps with perspective, I wonder if there's constructive assertive anger and overwhelming, blind anger? Still not great to feel angry...


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