# Getting Through Grad School with SA/OCD/Obsessive thoughts



## LDgirl07 (Apr 15, 2013)

Sorry to post this twice but thought it might be helpful in the student section as well:
I ruminate over every social interaction from disagreements with classmates to perceived social awkwardness when I go out. The big issue is that the rumination causes severe anxiety and the only way I know to cope with anxiety is to get in bed and watch TV. I absolutely can't focus on studying and if it's really bad I can't leave my room and go to class. Last night I kept waking up thinking about a disagreement with my class mate and I got so little sleep that today I slept straight through class. 

The fact that this issue is messing with my school work, which is supposed to help move my career forward and finally allow me to get a good paying job is starting to cause depression. Also I have a tendency to catastrophize so I'm convinced that if I'm doing this now it will continue when I'm working on my career. Also things I need to do to prepare for my career aren't getting done. All of this is causing me to spiral into a deep depression. 

Has anyone dealt with their anxiety and/or OCD while in graduate school? Anyone have success handling it?


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## serendip (May 26, 2015)

I'm not in graduate school, but I'm twenty-nine and in a health professions program. I used to skip class all the time during undergrad because of social anxiety, especially about group projects or oral presentations, but sometimes just general fear of being around a large group of people. In my second degree I'm finding it much easier. I sit in the very front of the classroom so it feels more like the teacher and I are having a one-on-one conversation than feeling as though I'm being observed and scrutinized by my classmates. I've disclosed to my workgroup (who I'm in clinical rotation with for the duration of my degree) that I have social anxiety, so they are a support system for me. I also have a routine for when I wake up in the morning that I stick to (wake up, take a shower, brush teeth, make toast and tea, get dressed, leave for class) so there's no room for wimping out. I've had a couple of incidents--we had to do a calculation worksheet in class and I lost it--had to go to the bathroom and throw up, started crying in the bathroom--because one of my biggest fears is doing math in front of other people. But, I took some deep breaths and went back to class, and everything was fine. Also was going to ask a teacher a question after class and felt so awkward standing there waiting to talk to her that I left, but I emailed later and apologized that we weren't able to speak (told her I forgot). I think it's important to follow up with people, especially professors. If you have a close enough relationship to them, it might also be worthwhile to tell them you have anxiety so they don't single you out.


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## identificationunknown (Jan 23, 2014)

In a long run, this ends up wasting a lot time. Do something before its too late.

Also it will take longer time to study the material with depression than without depression.


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Are you able to talk to a professor or school counselor about what you're going through? It's clearly interfering with your academic work and it's something that should be addressed before your fall further behind. I know the feeling though of feeling anxious throughout classes and dwelling on certain situations. It causes even more anxiety and draws more depression right? But it's something you need to talk about with someone. It might be scary at first, but in the long run, if you do nothing about it, it's just going to get worse. Grad school's a big step in further developing your education and career, so try to make the most of the resources your school has to offer. You will have to address your SA at some point in your life, so make it during school  your work place (whatever it may be) might have less resources on how to handle these situations.


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## LDgirl07 (Apr 15, 2013)

IDunknown: yes I think you're right- I'm wasting time and this is too important.

vanishingpt: Thank you for this advice but I am afraid of speaking to anyone. There are no real resources at my school and I don't feel close to the professors in that way. I definitely will not be speaking to other students about it. Also I read many horror stories about schools feeling like you can't handle grad school if they find out you have preexisting issues. I don't think people fully understand mental health problems. I have been in therapy for years but where I am now it's hard to get it. Not to mention paying for it as a student...

For some background I dealt with my depression and made great progress with my SA in the past 3 years. My depression has not returned for a year (until now I feel a relapse coming) and I no longer get anxious going in to social situations. But honestly I was in a deep depression for the best part of my 20s and I feel like how long can you let it run your life? So I moved for grad school and I thought feeling confident going into social situations was enough but it's clearly not as the post event rumination will have me in a rut for days and I'm clearly also OCD= which I didn't really have taken care of - I was busy dealing with the depression!

Now I am unsure what to do... Does anyone have any coping mechanisms???


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## LDgirl07 (Apr 15, 2013)

serendip said:


> I've disclosed to my workgroup (who I'm in clinical rotation with for the duration of my degree) that I have social anxiety, so they are a support system for me. I also have a routine for when I wake up in the morning that I stick to (wake up, take a shower, brush teeth, make toast and tea, get dressed, leave for class) so there's no room for wimping out. I've had a couple of incidents--we had to do a calculation worksheet in class and I lost it--had to go to the bathroom and throw up, started crying in the bathroom--because one of my biggest fears is doing math in front of other people. But, I took some deep breaths and went back to class, and everything was fine. Also was going to ask a teacher a question after class and felt so awkward standing there waiting to talk to her that I left, but I emailed later and apologized that we weren't able to speak (told her I forgot). I think it's important to follow up with people, especially professors. If you have a close enough relationship to them, it might also be worthwhile to tell them you have anxiety so they don't single you out.


I think you are incredibly brave just for talking about this issue with others and forcing yourself into these situations. I haven't had any situations that are this public and severe - my severe issues all occur alone. It's not always great but unfortunately telling students at my school is not an option -these are not nice caring people! Luckily I have no anxiety before or during social situations - my issues are all after when I'm alone. Support group is also out of the question as I don't speak the language where I am.

Your reply does still give me hope though. Or at least makes me think I have to keep pushing myself!


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

The best thing that's helped me in grad school (though I need to step it up) is time management. Like you, my anxiety is mainly bad when I'm alone, because I'm afraid of wasting my time, missing something, or not doing my heavy homework fast/effectively enough. 

What may help in addition to sorting out your day could be to have a notepad or something to write in when you're anxious. Then you can track your thought process and go from hopeless catastrophes that may not happen to at least thinking through and applying yourself to what you can.

Do you not know the language at all? Because going to a support group was also great for me and put my fears of inferiority into perspective, since other people were also stressed. I met a foreign dude there who's now my best friend on campus.


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## LDgirl07 (Apr 15, 2013)

Yes the time management thing is huge. That's what I've been trying and it's all I think is getting me through right now -even though I'm not doing it as well as I should be. I also have this weird fear of wasting time which pretty much always ends up happening!

No it's a long story but I can't speak the language at all so no support group. May have to shell out the money somehow for meds.


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## westgreen (Jun 7, 2015)

LDgirl07 said:


> Sorry to post this twice but thought it might be helpful in the student section as well:
> I ruminate over every social interaction from disagreements with classmates to perceived social awkwardness when I go out. The big issue is that the rumination causes severe anxiety and the only way I know to cope with anxiety is to get in bed and watch TV. I absolutely can't focus on studying and if it's really bad I can't leave my room and go to class. Last night I kept waking up thinking about a disagreement with my class mate and I got so little sleep that today I slept straight through class.
> 
> The fact that this issue is messing with my school work, which is supposed to help move my career forward and finally allow me to get a good paying job is starting to cause depression. Also I have a tendency to catastrophize so I'm convinced that if I'm doing this now it will continue when I'm working on my career. Also things I need to do to prepare for my career aren't getting done. All of this is causing me to spiral into a deep depression.
> ...


Hey, right now I'm in graduate school, finishing my masters this December. I deal with anxiety all the time. It affects my sleeping schedule quite a lot. I'll wake up in the middle of the night thinking about a test I might have failed, how I'll mess up talking to little kiddos, how i may have forgotten to do my homework, etc. It's not easy, but one thing I find helpful is taking time for myself out of the day and clearing my mind. I try to do some meditation outside where I go for a walk and let my mind wander. I focus on just the sounds I hear outside and how my feet feel walking on the pavement. I focus on the "now" versus the past and the future. It helps me get away from it all and relax. Anyways, hopes this helps!


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