# pof.com



## Buckyx (Nov 1, 2014)

.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

What were you complaining about? Lol


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

Buckyx said:


> about 0 views on my profile there, considering what I heard about that site


bro you got spam msgs


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

Buckyx said:


> bro no message at all, quite obvious without any profile view


i meant you gotta spam msgs (to the chicks)..


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

Use the "meet me" feature and you'll get people wanting to talk to you, in addition to profile views.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

You have to actually send messages on there, there has to be some sort of impetus for people to start looking at your profile. Otherwise, what do you expect?


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

I've been on and off that site for a few years. Here's what I found:

There are far more guys on these sites than there are women. So, there's more competition for us, and this gives women the privilege of being picky. Many guys send the same message to tons of women to increase their chances. They even do this for women they're only willing to have sex with and not any kind if relationship. 

Women get tons of messages. I know, because some have shown me, and it's all the same type of thing across the board. Tons of lame lines, long messages that have been copy and pasted (because they have some other chick's name in them) and dick pics. So, either they'll happen to see your message, and be interested, or maybe they'll see your picture and be interested. 

With that being said, I've had my most success with the meet me feature on POF and the quickmatch feature on OkCupid. 30 matches on OkCupid and around 15 on POF over the course of a month. I've been told I'm a good-looking guy, but of course that doesn't mean I look good looking to everyone. 

I've come to realize race also does play a bit of a part in it, because the majority of people want to date someone within their own race. If you're a minority (like me), you will not find as many people on these sites. If you aren't a minority, you may have a better shot.

Forgot to add this, but yeah, it's much easier to match with people, then end up with a group of people who actually want to talk to you. One more thing to note is that profile views don't often mean something, because you never know if someone accidentally clicked on your name. Most of my matches didn't even view my profile and decided they wanted to meet me based on my profile picture.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

As a male, you have to send messages to hundreds to thousands of different girls if you want to get a date.

Unless you want to date one girl per year. I've had about one girl per year that will initiate a message to me _and_ want to meet up in person. All my other dates were ones where I sent the first message.

Of course this does depend on looks and money. I am decent looking but don't have a college degree and a low-wage job so that factors into my results.

A good-looking guy who has money could probably get better results than someone like me, for example.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

Buckyx said:


> no, I've sent only one message on okcupid and it was ignored


That's extremely common. The average guy on there only gets a 1 out of 20 girl response rate.

I've gone 50+ different girls in a row without any of them responding to my message.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

Buckyx said:


> theres not even 50 girls from my country lol
> 
> I just tried tho, I liked her profile before then she liked me and the site convinced me I should send a message.... she also stated in her profile shes looking for friends omg


Something you need to learn about women is even if they seem available, the majority of them will ignore the guy's message. Women are _very_ flaky.

Sounds like you live out in the country huh? That's tough. If you are seriously interested in dating you may want to consider moving to a more populated area.

If a guy wants to date, he usually needs a good-sized social circle or thousands of women to choose from unless he is extremely alpha.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

skyisblue said:


> Something you need to learn about women is even if they seem available, the majority of them will ignore the guy's message. Women are _very_ flaky.


I'm convinced it all comes down to the numbers. There are many more guys trying, so the women are more selective. That's why you see these crazy requirements on their profiles like, "You must be 6 feet tall to talk to me", or "You must be black/white/Asian/hispanic" or "No beard/no thanks". Some even ask for money. Many will say they're looking for a nice guy, then a nice guy will contact them, and they won't respond

They can do all of that, and still have a guy give them exactly what they want, because there are desparate guys out there willing to do anything for female contact.

I don't think it's just a character thing only found in women though, lol. If there was a surplus of women instead, guys would do the same thing.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Women/girls ignore and flake because they literally have unlimited options right there in their little smart phones. And they know it...
Combine this with the modern female orgy of(and the societal embrace of) female hypergamy and what you get is a pool of guys who will never be good enough to warrant her choice.
This is also known as "choice paralysis".
Also, the more choices(options) someone feels that they have, the less value each of those individual choices represent to the chooser.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

AntiAnxiety said:


> I'm convinced it all comes down to the numbers. There are many more guys trying, so the women are more selective. That's why you see these crazy requirements on their profiles like, "You must be 6 feet tall to talk to me", or "You must be black/white/Asian/hispanic" or "No beard/no thanks". Some even ask for money. Many will say they're looking for a nice guy, then a nice guy will contact them, and they won't respond
> 
> They can do all of that, and still have a guy give them exactly what they want, because there are desparate guys out there willing to do anything for female contact.
> 
> I don't think it's just a character thing only found in women though, lol. If there was a surplus of women instead, guys would do the same thing.


That's true on the main dating sites. The free sites are the worst because guys outnumber girls on those sites because they don't even have to pay to play so to speak.

I once counted in my area on OKcupid . com and found the ratio of males to females to be at least 3 to 1 or maybe it was 4 to 1, something like that. With ratios like that, it immediately puts the odds against the guys knowing that a girl already has 3 to 4 times the selection compared to the guys.

The funny thing is the truth is it tends to be women have all these standards and guys either just wanna get laid or they just want a girl who will show up and treat him fairly. It makes it harder when guys don't have as many standards as women because it means women have an easier time getting guys to message them and the guy will be easier to please.

There is more, but i won't get into all of it. Point is, you are very right, women tend to have a huge advantage in dating.

About the nice guy thing. A lot of girls say they want nice guys, and they do want nice guys, it's just there are so many nice guys out there. When there are so many nice guys, then girls aren't going to pick a guy just cuz he's nice. That's when the standard thing kicks in.

With all this said, I have still found many women on there and met them on the date and they had the same mindset as a lot of guys.....they mainly wanted sex. It was cool with me, I don't mind having some fun here and there, so I usually wound up making a move on them and yadyada.

I could say more but I'll shut up now.


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## skyisblue (Nov 7, 2014)

funnynihilist said:


> Women/girls ignore and flake because they literally have unlimited options right there in their little smart phones. And they know it...
> Combine this with the modern female orgy of(and the societal embrace of) female hypergamy and what you get is a pool of guys who will never be good enough to warrant her choice.
> This is also known as "choice paralysis".
> Also, the more choices(options) someone feels that they have, the less value each of those individual choices represent to the chooser.


I agree with all of this.

About your last sentence, if a guy can adopt that mindset (which a lot of alpha guys have and guys that are pros at picking girls up) they can actually give themselves more of a selection than women have because the advantage men have is the semi-normality of the approach.

Guys can approach thousands of women and if they master that art they can start putting less value on each choice. That's where I want to be.

I think abundance mentality is the best mentality in the world, it's a beautiful thing.


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## ArrowFan84 (Jan 17, 2015)

AntiAnxiety said:


> I'm convinced it all comes down to the numbers. There are many more guys trying, so the women are more selective. That's why you see these crazy requirements on their profiles like, "You must be 6 feet tall to talk to me", or "You must be black/white/Asian/hispanic" or "No beard/no thanks". Some even ask for money. Many will say they're looking for a nice guy, then a nice guy will contact them, and they won't respond
> 
> They can do all of that, and still have a guy give them exactly what they want, because there are desparate guys out there willing to do anything for female contact.
> 
> I don't think it's just a character thing only found in women though, lol. If there was a surplus of women instead, guys would do the same thing.


This is definitely true. I started doing a profile 2 weeks ago just to see how it would go and some girls looked nice and I'd message them but then came the Read/Delleted status on my message. Those were brutal. I didn't even give the lame "Hi there'/ I looked at their profile and asked questions but they'd have none of it.

Fourtunately it's going a little better now. I'm talking to at least 4 girls right now and seeing where it'll lead, whether friendships or relationships.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

BondFan84 said:


> This is definitely true. I started doing a profile 2 weeks ago just to see how it would go and some girls looked nice and I'd message them but then came the Read/Delleted status on my message. Those were brutal. I didn't even give the lame "Hi there'/ I looked at their profile and asked questions but they'd have none of it.
> 
> Fourtunately it's going a little better now. I'm talking to at least 4 girls right now and seeing where it'll lead, whether friendships or relationships.


Good to hear that. Yeah, it's somewhat silly, because you know damn well you'd get a response if you met her in public, and odds are you'd probably get her number. Good to hear you're getting somewhere though.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

Buckyx said:


> nobody cares nor do I but still..
> 
> suddenly girls started checking my profile and 2 used that meet me on my profile LOL
> one is rather repulsive seriously will all respect to women
> ...


There's a lot more where that came from. Trust me :clap


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

AntiAnxiety said:


> There are far more guys on these sites than there are women. So, there's more competition for us, and this gives women the privilege of being picky. Many guys send the same message to tons of women to increase their chances. They even do this for women they're only willing to have sex with and not any kind if relationship.


There's a study where they did speed dating with women being the ones who had to move when the time runs out, rather than the usual setup with men, and they found that men became a lot more pickier and women became more "desperate", because then men became the choosers.



AntiAnxiety said:


> I've come to realize race also does play a bit of a part in it, because the majority of people want to date someone within their own race. If you're a minority (like me), you will not find as many people on these sites. If you aren't a minority, you may have a better shot.


Deep down I know this is true, and that if I was White I'd probably get 3 times as many replies, but it's not useful to think about this fact, in fact having this fact in mind when you message girls will only lower your self-esteem and make it less likely for them to reply. It's better to have a 12% reply rate than a 4% reply rate.



skyisblue said:


> Something you need to learn about women is even if they seem available, the majority of them will ignore the guy's message. Women are _very_ flaky.


Too much choice. I think the flakiness comes from having so many conversations open that they can't keep up with all of them and let some of them slide and get ignored. I.e. it's not necessarily personal.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

vicente said:


> There's a study where they did speed dating with women being the ones who had to move when the time runs out, rather than the usual setup with men, and they found that men became a lot more pickier and women became more "desperate", because then men became the choosers.


Yeah, it's all numbers, man. Anytime you have options, you're more likely to take your time and really decide.



vicente said:


> Deep down I know this is true, and that if I was White I'd probably get 3 times as many replies, but it's not useful to think about this fact, in fact having this fact in mind when you message girls will only lower your self-esteem and make it less likely for them to reply. It's better to have a 12% reply rate than a 4% reply rate.


Well, you don't have to think about it, but it's a reality. Experiments have also been done on this kind of thing, and they've all come back to support that. Should that stop you from trying? Absolutely not. That's silly. I also don't think it's going to make them less likely to reply, unless the thoughts about it somehow affect how you communicate. If you're not getting replies, you should look at yourself and not everybody else. What could you change? Perhaps you put up a picture of yourself fishing and a few people who wouldn't have been interested before have changed their minds. You never know.

I'm on the right here:










Now, I was a little turned off here that she said she didn't find black guys attractive, LOL (all members of a race don't act/look the same way) But they're not always going to tell you something like that.


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