# Cheated on my gf HELP



## Whoareyou (Jun 8, 2010)

OK my ex has been bugging me for a real long time about hooking up, i would fondle her here and there wen she would come over, then last night she gave me oral.

My gf and I have been together for like 3 months, i told her i was suicidal when SA and secondary disordrs got the best of me and thats how we began going out. I love her but she dosent give me oral really,

I read online its selfish to confess yourself because all it does is hurt he other and make you feel better, i tell her I love her and she loves me but i dont know what to do about the GUILT.

What would you do in the situation, i didnt have full sex with mi ex but oral and a couple of kisses. HELP.


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## wraith (Feb 22, 2010)

Tell her the truth and let her decide what to do about it. In a situation like this, it is very unfair of you to string her along without her knowing what you've done. She deserves much, much better than that. She deserves your honesty. If you cannot give that to her, you are not worth her time.

But hey, we all make mistakes, the difference between a real man and a douchebag is whether you own up to your mistakes or not. What happens next is mostly up to her.


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## secretlyshecries (Sep 10, 2009)

> i didnt have full sex with mi ex but oral and a couple of kisses.


Oh because that makes it _so_ much better. I can't really sympathize with you when you said your ex had been bugging you about it for awhile. You must have known you'd feel tempted being around her and yet you did it anyway. You might like to tell yourself you're being kind not telling your girlfriend because it will only hurt her but you're just being cowardly. Tell her the truth so she can decide if she wants to stay with you or not. Personally I think she should rethink the whole thing. :|


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## Whoareyou (Jun 8, 2010)

*ok soon enough i will i wont do anything sexual with her until she knows*



secretlyshecries said:


> Oh because that makes it _so_ much better. I can't really sympathize with you when you said your ex had been bugging you about it for awhile. You must have known you'd feel tempted being around her and yet you did it anyway. You might like to tell yourself you're being kind not telling your girlfriend because it will only hurt her but you're just being cowardly. Tell her the truth so she can decide if she wants to stay with you or not. Personally I think she should rethink the whole thing. :|


yea read the headline


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

"I love her but she dosent give me oral really"

......... Just.........I presume you're talking about the love of your life here just reading it.....Err......Yeah. I can tell you feel genuinely guilty so don't worry, she's bound to take it just how you intended it, just as I have understood it myself infact "oral and a few kisses" is no worries*thumbs up*.


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## Holladayz (Jun 30, 2010)

I think you might like men. You should prob go to a male massage therapist just to see if it will move.


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## Jeff (Nov 11, 2005)

You should tell her. Like someone else said, she deserves to know. At that point, SHE can decide if you guys have a future together. I had a girl cheat on me once, and it's a really ****ty thing to do to someone you love. Are you sure you love her?


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

'Cheated on my gf, Help'

HAHA..!!
Here let me help you:
Smarten the f*** up.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I think you should talk about oral sex with your gf since it seems to bother you a lot that she doesn't do it. Maybe you want the best of both worlds. Your ex gives you the pleasure that you want and your current gf gives you the love. I don't know what you should do. If you tell your gf, chances are she won't be your gf anymore, but on the bright side, I guess you'll still have your ex to go back to.


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## wraith (Feb 22, 2010)

I've been in a position where a girl has been going back and forth between me and another guy. It is by far one of the worst feelings I've ever known. Fess up and be a man about this.


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## la la land (Jun 17, 2010)

I'm sure your vivid imagination will come up with a solution:sus


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

So selfishness is your reason for not telling her.It is worse not telling her believe you me and oral and couple of kisses isn't a minor thing if you ask me.Please be honest and then maybe just maybe you can figure out your problems.Show her the respect she deserves!
A lot of guys are so hung up on oral sex,but not all girls like doing it.I don't know if this is the case with your girlfriend because you don't mention anything about talking to her about it.If she doesn't like doing it then I don't think you should force her.The only you can do then is to live with it or leave her if it is that important to you.I don't get it because there are so many fun things you can do in bed,and one can't always get what one wants.

If you are able to figure things out with your gf then sitting down and talking with her about your wishes and your problems is a really good idea.If you don't tell her stuff you can't expect her to realize it just out of the blue.


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## silentcliche (Jun 30, 2010)

My advice? Get tested.


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## foxy (Jul 3, 2010)

silentcliche said:


> My advice? Get tested.


 really. if your talking aids ,it the 6,000/000 to 1 chance unless she had just had all her teeth out as was bleeding like her throat was cut/ an she had just bit off his penis //jesus tell him of if you like but dont make it worse for the dude


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## YouNeedHelp911 (Jul 18, 2010)

I would just lie until the guilt creeps away, no pun intended.


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## Pialicious88 (Sep 23, 2009)

Whoareyou said:


> OK my ex has been bugging me for a real long time about hooking up, i would fondle her here and there wen she would come over, *then last night she gave me oral*.
> 
> My gf and I have been together for like 3 months, i told her i was suicidal when SA and secondary disordrs got the best of me and thats how we began going out. I love her but she dosent give me oral really,
> 
> ...


wow can u say that on SAS? i'm shocked.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Tell your gf and deal with it from there.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

Whoareyou said:


> I love her but she dosent give me oral really,


are you sure this isn't just lust?


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

You should arrange to go out with both girls. 

Monogamy is only the norm based on social conditioning. So if you want to have more than 1 gf, you have to be open and explain it to them so that they can enter into your world.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

secretlyshecries said:


> Oh because that makes it _so_ much better. I can't really sympathize with you when you said your ex had been bugging you about it for awhile. You must have known you'd feel tempted being around her and yet you did it anyway. You might like to tell yourself you're being kind not telling your girlfriend because it will only hurt her but you're just being cowardly. Tell her the truth so she can decide if she wants to stay with you or not. Personally I think she should rethink the whole thing. :|


I agree. Although, I'm having trouble believing that the OP can be serious. Cheating on someone you supposedly love because "she dosent give me oral really,". What a ridiculous reason. You don't love her - if you did, you wouldn't have cheated on her.

If you can't commit to one person, don't get into a monogamous relationship. Simple really. And yes, tell your girlfriend. She deserves to know so that she can (hopefully) end things and find someone mature enough to treat her with respect.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

Relaxation said:


> You should arrange to go out with both girls.
> 
> Monogamy is only the norm based on social conditioning. So if you want to have more than 1 gf, you have to be open and explain it to them so that they can enter into your world.


Lol.Only problem is that very few people like to share their bf/gf so not sure that this would make the situation any better :b


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

This is a situation that never seems to have the perfect answer. She will likely be hurt if you tell her, but you'll aways have this part of you that your hiding from her if you don't. Whether to tell her or not is your decision. Since you feel this guilt, though, perhaps you should take this as a sign that it doesn't make you feel good and that you shouldn't do it again. Someone else mentioned bringing this up to a therapist...that may be a good idea.


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

foxy said:


> really kick him in the balls,if your talking aids ,it the 6,000/000 to 1 chance unless she had just had all her teeth out as was bleeding like her throat was cut/ an she had just bit off his penis //jesus tell him of if you like but dont make it worse for the dude


Two things,

a) Getting tested for chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. is a very good idea. They can all be transmitted orally. They have flavoured condoms for a reason.

b) There's no such thing as an AIDS test. Transmitting HIV in this way is _very_ hard to do, but if you're getting everything else done, why not?



kathy903 said:


> 'Cheated on my gf, Help'
> 
> HAHA..!!
> Here let me help you:
> Smarten the f*** up.


It's not very helpful, but I'm gonna have to go with this one.


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## TheCanadian1 (Sep 14, 2009)

Best to just fess up and be honest.


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## TheDaffodil (Jun 20, 2009)

You should feel guilty as hell. And she shouldn't be with you to be totally honest. You've been with her for 3 months and you've already cheated on because she doesn't give you oral? Get outta here with that, man, c'mon. You're obviously not meant to be in a relationship with anyone right now and it's not her fault. You're the one who did this and she should be with someone who would not cheat on her. If you really love her, you know that. Not telling her and staying with her is more selfish than letting her decide if she wants to be with someone who can't commit to her this early in a relationship.
And getting tested is a very smart idea.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Watch****
Another thread going down the tubes....and this one should be in Relationships, not Coping!
You cheated....oral sex is sex and that is TMI for this thread and forum!
3 warnings
1 infraction (so far!)


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> Another thread going down the tubes....


You say this like it happens often!! :teeth


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah, can't see the need for the details. 
You cheated because it felt good and now that it's over, you don't want to lose what you have. I don't think you love your girlfriend but if you insist you do, then you'll tell her. 
She deserves to know you're capable of lying and cheating so she can decide if she can accept that.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

If you really do care for her an want a future, tell her. While her not willing to blow you provides some softening for the act, you did cheat and she'll be pissed.


If you don't see a future with your current gf though, I say keep it to yourself.


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## NotRealName (Feb 28, 2010)

You messed up, its your fault. Tell her and see what happens. If she walks out, well lesson learned. If she decides to stay you better realize you got a second chance.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Tell her and if she's smart she'll dump you.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

Whoareyou said:


> I love her but she dosent give me oral really,


Oh, well, that justifies it. :roll


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

QuackQuack said:


> Oh, well, that justifies it. :roll


:agree


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

You cheated on your girlfriend and you are asking for help?

:lol



> Another thread going down the tubes


It began in the tubes and now it is plummeting further and further into the abyss.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

Tell her the truth, hopefully she leaves you and hopefully you learn a very important lesson. 

You will both move on and be the wiser for it. 

Oh and you dont love her. I can see it from all the way over here.


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## QuackQuack (Mar 18, 2008)

EagerMinnow84 said:


> You cheated on your girlfriend and you are asking for help?


Why not? He needs help.


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## hatepickingnames (May 14, 2010)

I am usually opposed to being harsh on people but cheating is inexcusable. No matter what she did or did not do YOU chose this. You have no excuse but poor judgment. I also agree that you do not love her or you would not be in this predicament. Love is better defined as "respect". You were not respectful.

You can tell the truth and suffer the consequences, or keep lying and hope she never finds and that you can live with the lie. 

Cheating doesn't mean you are an evil or worthless person but it is WRONG and there is no justifying it. You know what the right thing to do is but you want another way out.

Don't act like anyone is insulting you here or telling you that you are a pathetic worthless human...it's not like that. It's about your actions. They were pathetic and wrong. Make it right and don't do it again...then you can be proud of yourself for growing and doing the right thing. It is NOT hard to be faithful. Nobody forces you to drop your trousers...no excuse can justify it.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

After re-reading your post, I realized that there's more than "just" a one-time oral encounter for your current gf to potentially worry about. Per your explanation, you seem to have a regular difficult time keeping your mitts off your ex. Sure, fondling might seem innocent in comparison to oral sex, but big picture: it means you seem to have very little willpower, and I would question just how strong your feelings are towards your current gf.

No offense, but she deserves better. Period. And hopefully she's smart, and has enough self-respect, to realize that when you tell her about your cheating.

Sympathy = none.



Whoareyou said:


> OK my ex has been bugging me for a real long time about hooking up, *i would fondle her here and there wen she would come over,* then last night she gave me oral.
> 
> My gf and I have been together for like 3 months, i told her i was suicidal when SA and secondary disordrs got the best of me and thats how we began going out. I love her but she dosent give me oral really,
> 
> ...


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

You don't deserve her. You need to fess up to her, let her kick your *** and learn from it, because no one deserves to be treated like you are treating her.


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

To the OP: Do you know how much it hurts to be cheated on? Don't try to rationalize it or justify it. Guy's (and gals) who cheat on their significant others because they feel "their needs" aren't being met make me sick. Grow up and face the mistake you made like a man. If you think you want to try to patch things up, then honesty is your only legitimate option. I will never understand people who cheat, I mean I know nobody is perfect, but if you're gonna do it why the hell are you in a relationship in the first place?


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## hatepickingnames (May 14, 2010)

Sex is not a need it is a want. I too tire of people saying "but I have needs". You NEED food, water, shelter. Nobody died or even got ill from not getting laid or blown.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

hatepickingnames said:


> Sex is not a need it is a want. I too tire of people saying "but I have needs". You NEED food, water, shelter. Nobody died or even got ill from not getting laid or blown.


They often increase their social anxiety.

Is social anxiety an illness?

The kid knows he messed up. He is looking for constructive feedback. Not to turn into a judgmental abuse receptacle for every bad relationship you've ever had.


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## foxy (Jul 3, 2010)

*ok*



zookeeper said:


> Two things,
> 
> a) Getting tested for chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. is a very good idea. They can all be transmitted orally. They have flavoured condoms for a reason.
> 
> ...


 ok an hiv test is that better as for the other std,s apart from chlamydia, he no soon enough in a week..test clamidia is cool just pick a kit off the surgery desk//but this is his ex girlfriend he split from 3 months ago ..wow she would have to have been around a bit for all those std,s in three month,s //the oral bit is very rare//even porn stars who wear condoms for sex dont for oral /try an look on red tube see what i mean


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## foxy (Jul 3, 2010)

*ok*



zookeeper said:


> Two things,
> 
> a) Getting tested for chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. is a very good idea. They can all be transmitted orally. They have flavoured condoms for a reason.
> 
> ...


 ok an hiv test is that better as for the other std,s apart from chlamydia, he no soon enough in a week..test clamidia is cool just pick a kit off the surgery desk//but this is his ex girlfriend he split from 3 months ago ..wow she would have to have been around a bit for all those std,s in three month,s //the oral bit is very rare//even porn stars who wear condoms for sex dont for oral /try an look on red tube see what i mean


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

*This thread has become a bit to explicit for our PG-13 rating and has resorted to personal attacks.*


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