# Physical attraction is the most important thing to me.



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

As far as things to look for in a woman. The thing is when I'm in a relationship it really isn't about sex. I mean, I like cuddling, just that physical bonding, sharing thoughts & feelings, and although sex is great it isn't all about that for me. The first thing I do look for in girls is if I'm physically attracted to them. They can be intelligent, nice, financially secure, confident, etc, but it really doesn't matter if I find them ugly. Also, I like skinny girls (well not anorexic or anything) just thin and fit. Bones protruding can be disgusting. I am pretty shallow in the selection process but it is the way I am programmed. Makes me feel guilty sometimes, but it isn't like it is something I can really control who I am physically attracted to and whatnot. 

I say this and personality does matter though, I don't want a good looking woman who is a complete ***** or anything, but I'm willing to give the ***** who I think looks great a shot when the ugly girl who is nice & sweet and has all these other qualities that I like...we could be nothing more than friends. Am I a jerk? It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like about her and what I don't like about her appearance. Snap judgments. Also, what she needs to work on in the gym. 

Seems kind of unfair and I have these unrealistic expectations put on a flawed human being. I wouldn't want somebody else judging me so harshly, but it is just the way I am. Extremely critical of how a woman takes care of her body and what kind of body she should have. I can see me being one of those guys who nags his wife that she has gotten fat and needs to go to the gym everyday because she gained a few pounds.


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## Failure (Feb 4, 2007)

I'm sort of the same way. I *need* to be physically attracted to a woman to be anything more then a friend or aquaintance. I'd also have to enjoy spending time with the girl for more then sex if i was in a relationship. Otherwise it's basically just legal prostitution with drama if you are dating her just for sex, buy her stuff, take her out, get laid. Might as well skip the drama and save time and buy an escort.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

looks do matter to a certain extent..but i dunno. my first g/f i thought was hot as hell, but her personality just didnt fit mine. towards the end of our relationship she became so annoying and i became so turned off by her that i couldnt have sex. well i could, but i didnt want to. i avoided it.

i obviously found my other patners fairly attractive, but none of them had the qualities that i look for and need to be in a serious, long term relationship with. so as expected, nothing serious came of them.

in conclusion, while looks do matter, they have to be more than physically attractive for the long run. we have to _connect_ 
if i found a girl i connect with, id be willing to look past looks. i'd still have to be physically attracted to her in some way, yes, but i wouldnt need somebody who is gorgeous.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Different girls are attractive to different guys, but I think that every person sizes up potential mates quickly). We have a part of our subconscious brain that analyzes faces for attractiveness, health, age and reproductive potential in just a few milliseconds.

http://ucsdnews.ucsd.edu/newsrel/soc/brain06.asp

They seem to think that you are attracted to what you have seen in your past. But you also take into account health, age and other factors when checking out someone.

But as you get to know someone and see more and more of them, they will become more attractive to you. (As long as they don't do anything too bad)

I understand about wanting to tell girls what they should change, but for me it would be hair. I don't care what color their hair is now, I would what them to change the color every now and then. Blond, red, brown, blonde with red/pink streaks, black. Yeah it's weird.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I'm about the same as you, Prodigal. I have to first be physically attracted.
Although I've noticed that if I'm with someone and get to know them and click, I will like them more. So personality plays a big part too.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Heh heh - say that when your 97.4 and wearing Depends!


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## bright572 (Jan 22, 2006)

I want someone who is intelligent, opinionated and individualistic. 

Looks can be judged quickly but personality takes time. Integrity takes even longer. Do you think that your focus on physical attributes is really how you experience attraction, or is it a desire to be decisive and definitive?

I don't know why this came to mind but I was just thinking about the Myers-Briggs personality types vs. what we find attractive in a spouse.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I'm with most of the guys on this one. I feel badly though because there is this one girl who is so into me, but her size is one of the main reasons I can't be with her. I feel like I am a really good person, but I can't help but feel badly about this situation.


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## NewWorldOrder (Nov 19, 2004)

There's nothing wrong with wanting a girl to be fit. In my experience, intelligent girls with good qualities are usually thin and beautiful anyway. 

To me, 'love' is nothing more than a best friend (usually of the opposite sex) that you are intimate with... so while you can have best friends that are unattractive / out of shape / whatever, it doesn't mean you're going to want to be physically close to them. (It only gets complicated when a person you aren't attracted to is attracted to you, or vice versa.)

Also, just thought I'd add... people who give you the "I don't judge by looks routine" are liars who are afraid of offending anyone. Everyone judges by looks... it's our nature to.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Don't feel bad. Of course there has to be some kind of physical attraction. To quote a friend, "I'm a guy...I can't fake an erection."


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Thanks you two. I just wish it wasn't that way with people...I wish the physical attraction factor didn't come into play...


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

I think what's been said here is pretty reasonable. The only thing that gets real unattractive fast is the fat smelly guy on the couch telling his wife to get to the gym :fall


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*



Strange Religion said:


> To quote a friend, "I'm a guy...I can't fake an erection."


That is so true.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*

well, everyone has different standards of what's physically attractive. don't feel guilty/shallow... unless you're rejecting women with great qualities but aren't perfect size zero models or something. there is a certain point where some guys' standards are too unrealistically narrow, but i doubt you guys are like that.



NewWorldOrder said:


> In my experience, intelligent girls with good qualities are usually thin and beautiful anyway.


in my experience, they come in all packages.


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## LonelyEnigma (Jan 7, 2007)

....


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

> Extremely critical of how a woman takes care of her body and what kind of body she should have. I can see me being one of those guys who nags his wife that she has gotten fat and needs to go to the gym everyday because she gained a few pounds.


Hopefully you will never get married.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

this post makes me laugh. But I guess it goes for both genders. 
For me its more of a health issue than appearance per se. It would make me question their character if one lays around all day, eating twinkies and playing video games and walking around wearing stained shirts with grease stains, or holes in it. Thats just plain unsightly ,I'd like someone who can take care of himself hyegiene/health wise.


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## Failure (Feb 4, 2007)

Quite a few overweight unfit people have bad personality traits although that isn't always true it usually says somthing. While I have met some guys and girls who are overweight and great people, most people who are fat are stuck up assholes, this usually applies more to women. Just because someone is pretty doesnt mean their an ***, and just because someone is ugly doesnt mean they have a good personality.

Being overweight usually means you're a lazy person with low will power and you have no self control (while a FEW people have medical conditions, 95% ate them selves into their current bodies.). They are fat because they have too low will power and self control to stop eating and to RUN. This says alot about their personality. If they don't care about them selves how are they going to care about someone else? And fat is physically unattractive as well.

Basically if they are trying to keep them selves or fit or not will tell alot about their personality. It is usually a case of not trying. I've seen guys lose 30-50 lbs in the military because they were forced to get off their lazy asses and work. It's completly possible to lose the weight, you just need to get off your ***. 

And the other way too, I was skinny at the beggining of highschool and started working out. I gained around 50 pounds of lean muscle by the time I was 22. You just need to try if you want to look beter.

And there are pretty people who are pricks as well. I've seen women act like *****es because they know they're sexy. There are guys who are compete arrogant douches because they are toned. 

A mixture of the two would be ideal. I'd want a girl who is pretty and stays in shape, hell i work out every other day, why can't she put in some effort to look nice? I'd also like her to be a nice person too.

I'd want a pretty girl who's nice and i get along with for a relationship. Although my personality isn't too great I'm not a mean guy, just kind of uninteresting.


I'd have no problems being friends with a girl who's not attractive if i got along with her, but i wouldn't want to be more then friends.


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## bright572 (Jan 22, 2006)

...


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*



Failure said:


> Quite a few overweight unfit people have bad personality traits although that isn't always true it usually says somthing. While I have met some guys and girls who are overweight and great people, most people who are fat are stuck up @$$#, this usually applies more to women. Just because someone is pretty doesnt mean their an ***, and just because someone is ugly doesnt mean they have a good personality.
> 
> Being overweight usually means you're a lazy person with low will power and you have no self control (while a FEW people have medical conditions, 95% ate them selves into their current bodies.). They are fat because they have too low will power and self control to stop eating and to RUN. This says alot about their personality. If they don't care about them selves how are they going to care about someone else? And fat is physically unattractive as well.
> 
> ...


Yep, that goes both ways...and I do notice that there are a lot of unattractive people who are way too confident for their own good. I mean, good for them for being confident, but when they're overboard with it and arrogant when they're ugly as sin, that's what annoys me.

...and regular guys who are fat as a pig and expect their partner to be fit have too much damn nerve...

You said you keep yourself in shape so I don't blame you for wanting someone who does the same.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*



Strange Religion said:


> ...and regular guys who are fat as a pig and expect their partner to be fit have too much damn nerve...
> 
> You said you keep yourself in shape so I don't blame you for wanting someone who does the same.


That annoys me as well. It is the reason I don't watch any sitcoms on TV. I do watch the Simpsons, but According to Jim and Family Guy among others that have an overweight, stupid, and demanding Dad, and an skinny attractive wife.

I am in shape, but the last person to see me naked was my doctor 5 years ago. I'm going to the beach pretty soon, so I started exercising a lot again, and I didn't gain any weight since last November because I still ate good foods.


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## Vincenzo (Sep 24, 2005)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*



Strange Religion said:


> Yep, that goes both ways...and I do notice that there are a lot of unattractive people who are way too confident for their own good. I mean, good for them for being confident, but when they're overboard with it and arrogant when they're ugly as sin, that's what annoys me.


I'd say there's an element of psychological trickery here. I have a friend who is consistantly successful with women in spite of his corpulent body and stomach-churningly repugnant features. The fact that he's somehow embraced his lot in life means he has no self-conciousness whatsoever and can approach women without any hesitation. Women see this and the fact that he's a monster probably enhances it in some cases because there must be something really special about him to make him so confident.

I'm pretty sure a lot of them just choose him as the ugly guy they have to f**k to prove they're not shallow, but there's definitely something to my theory.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

That's another aspect of it and I agree with you. Confidence goes a long way with the ladies, but when it turns into cockiness, that's when I'm turned off. 

I went out with a few guys who weren't that attractive and I still got ****ed over. I think some of 'em are too full of themselves and don't realize a good thing when they have it...and it's a real blow to the ego to be dissed by an ugly guy. If I'm gonna be messed over anyway, it could at least be from a hot guy.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I actually admire those guys, especially the overweight non attractive ones who at least appear to be very sure of themselves and confident. It's different if a person is going around acting superior to everybody and making people feel like crap, but if it is just personal confidence and no jabs at anybody else, I don't think that is a bad thing.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

*Re: re: Physical attraction is the most important thing to m*



emptybottle said:


> NewWorldOrder said:
> 
> 
> > In my experience, intelligent girls with good qualities are usually thin and beautiful anyway.
> ...


 I agree. Thin and beautiful? A bit of a narrow perspective, no? I suppose fat is ugly? There are other body types that don't fit within those two stereotype that are beautiful.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am attracted to guys of all shapes and sizes. You do need to be physically attracted to someone in order to be intimate, but all in all personality is the most important thing. You can look really good, but if I don't like your personality it can make me immediately turned off in just a few minutes.


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

If you're really picky about who you're attracted to, that is, if you're not attracted to many people, only the super-fine ones, then that's fine, you can't train yourself or anything to want to date less attractive people enough. You didn't do anything wrong, not a bad person, don't beat yourself up. People that um don't meet your standards of attractiveness wouldn't want to see you struggling when you're dating them anyhow. 

I'm surprised about what a couple of you have said about overweight people. I totally don't believe they're any lazier than any other group of people. I had thought it was just a physical issue in most people's eyes (most people who aren't attracted to overweight people that is), but i guess overweight people's collective traits are just as much of a turnoff. yikes.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Prodigal Son said:


> It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like about her and what I don't like about her appearance. Snap judgments.


I'm like that too, with guys. It's natural, to size people up when you first see them. When I'm looking at people, I am gathering data, just like I am when I'm talking with them. First impressions have a powerful impact, because you're left with a feeling, an emotion that lasts, even after the person is gone.

Many people think that emphasis on appearance = shallowness, but I don't think that's true, in all cases. I'm a visual person, who loves to take in visual cues. My eyes are my windows to the world. When I speak of appearances, I'm refering to everything I can see...body, face, hair, clothing, mannerisms, body language, the general impression I get. It's easy to tell what attracts me, because I'm left with a deep and profound feeling.

Appearance can give clues to what's on the inside. Sometimes, I can look at someone and tell what kind of personality they have. Other times, they might surprise me.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Prodigal Son said:


> As far as things to look for in a woman. The thing is when I'm in a relationship it really isn't about sex. I mean, I like cuddling, just that physical bonding, sharing thoughts & feelings, and although sex is great it isn't all about that for me. The first thing I do look for in girls is if I'm physically attracted to them. They can be intelligent, nice, financially secure, confident, etc, but it really doesn't matter if I find them ugly. Also, I like skinny girls (well not anorexic or anything) just thin and fit. Bones protruding can be disgusting. I am pretty shallow in the selection process but it is the way I am programmed. Makes me feel guilty sometimes, but it isn't like it is something I can really control who I am physically attracted to and whatnot.
> 
> I say this and personality does matter though, I don't want a good looking woman who is a complete ***** or anything, but I'm willing to give the ***** who I think looks great a shot when the ugly girl who is nice & sweet and has all these other qualities that I like...we could be nothing more than friends. Am I a jerk? It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like about her and what I don't like about her appearance. Snap judgments. Also, what she needs to work on in the gym.
> 
> Seems kind of unfair and I have these unrealistic expectations put on a flawed human being. I wouldn't want somebody else judging me so harshly, but it is just the way I am. Extremely critical of how a woman takes care of her body and what kind of body she should have. I can see me being one of those guys who nags his wife that she has gotten fat and needs to go to the gym everyday because she gained a few pounds.


Ineteresting. I guess it just depends on the person. No offense but i was this way when i was younger. i'd pass on the hot girl in a heart beat if she's got a crappy personality. the good looks can't make up for the pain and agony she'd cause. i will say i have my preferences when it comes to looks because saying that looks mean nothing to me would not be the truth. But looks have less of a role than personality because if you're mean to me and try cutting me down i'm going to pass. however if you're not particularly good looking to me but are kind and seem good hearted this can be attractive. i found someone that fits both the personality and looks. :yes just don't know how much i want to risk because not sure how into me she is.

As for whether it's bad. i'm drawn heavily to personality is that bad? It's just preferences i guess. only thing is i'd say if you let looks blind you, you could be in for some sad times ahead.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

whiteclouds said:


> Prodigal Son said:
> 
> 
> > It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like about her and what I don't like about her appearance. Snap judgments.
> ...


Believe me i'd go right under your radar with your first impression of me. Is that a bad thing? No because perhaps a person like me wasn't meant for you. i guess it's all part of the game of compatibility.


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

I'd have to be able to find a girl attractive in some way in order to date her but I'm not seeking perfection and personality and other stuff is really important as well.......


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Our brains are wired for sex (reproduction). I can't deny that physical attraction matters a lot to me. But personality really is more important.

I'd take an average looking girl with a great personality, over a totally hot girl with no personality, any day. 
oooor.. both at the same time! yea! :banana


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

> It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like.


I thought our judgment of the attractiveness of someone was evaluated even quicker -- under a second. Maybe it just takes our conscious selves 5 seconds to get the signal.


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## Misanthropic (Jun 25, 2010)

Prodigal Son said:


> As far as things to look for in a woman. The thing is when I'm in a relationship it really isn't about sex. I mean, I like cuddling, just that physical bonding, sharing thoughts & feelings, and although sex is great it isn't all about that for me. The first thing I do look for in girls is if I'm physically attracted to them. They can be intelligent, nice, financially secure, confident, etc, but it really doesn't matter if I find them ugly. Also, I like skinny girls (well not anorexic or anything) just thin and fit. Bones protruding can be disgusting. I am pretty shallow in the selection process but it is the way I am programmed. Makes me feel guilty sometimes, but it isn't like it is something I can really control who I am physically attracted to and whatnot.
> 
> I say this and personality does matter though, I don't want a good looking woman who is a complete ***** or anything, but I'm willing to give the ***** who I think looks great a shot when the ugly girl who is nice & sweet and has all these other qualities that I like...we could be nothing more than friends. Am I a jerk? It's terrible because in 3-5 secs I can look at a girl and physically tell you what I like about her and what I don't like about her appearance. Snap judgments. Also, what she needs to work on in the gym.
> 
> Seems kind of unfair and I have these unrealistic expectations put on a flawed human being. I wouldn't want somebody else judging me so harshly, but it is just the way I am. Extremely critical of how a woman takes care of her body and what kind of body she should have. I can see me being one of those guys who nags his wife that she has gotten fat and needs to go to the gym everyday because she gained a few pounds.


You shouldn't feel guilty for having the preferences that you have, so long as you don't mistreat women you aren't attracted to. We can't rationalize why we should be attracted to someone, we should just remember that what someone looks like has nothing to do with who they are as people.

I don't know how to explain but I think romantic love is overrated. Not overrated in that it doesn't feel nice but overrated in that it's shallow (since it's based partly on physical appearance) and we shouldn't place too much importance on it. If you genuinely love someone you love them for their mind/personality and that wouldn't change even if they develop a bad case of acne and gain 200 pounds.


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

It also goes the other way - if you loved someone, you'd do your best to remain fit and healthy for them. Not obsessively, but I find it also highly irresponsible and disrespectful to your partner and kids (if you have them) if you aren't aging but let yourself go without any effort. Kids need healthy parents, your partner deserves the best you can give him or her.

My grandfather was lifting weights and walking daily even at 70. Died in his late 90s. It annoys me when people let themselves go when they don't have a medical condition and have others depending on them, and they don't see anything wrong with it.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Both physical and mental qualities I have to like. I can date a girl who is a little overweight if there is something I find physically appealing about her, but if there isn't, I'm just not attracted at this point in my life.

And girls feel the same way unless they have some incredible secrete or perception that overrides that lack of attraction, but it isn't likely. I remember when I didn't shave my head and I had long hair, the girls loved it and I was actually approached often! Now that I am losing some of my hair in the front, I keep it real close and girls don't react the same way at all. So save me the excuse that women aren't attracted to physical appearance as well. What a big crock of ****.

If you have the 'secret' for being attracted to someone when they aren't physically attractive, please share it with me because that is a wealth of sexual intimacy I simply do not understand.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Making physical attraction the most important thing is just poor planning. Long term, no beauty can make up for a lesser personality. The novelty will wear off. On the other hand, I don't know if it's realistic to see someone who looks revolting to you in romantic terms.

I see physical attraction as a qualifying criteria that doesn't help much beyond qualification. Probably at least 80% of women my age are pleasant enough to look at that they're qualified. Amongst those 80%, I'd favor a slightly more compatible personality over drastically better looks. As far as the other 20%, I don't know, maybe a great personality would convince me or maybe not (would need actual experience to know).

On the other hand, when you're talking about getting approached or approaching people, physical attraction is the only thing you have to go on. It's not like people's personalities are written on their foreheads. It's natural to make those decisions by the only criteria you have available to you to judge by.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Here something to think about:

Let's say your at the worst shape of your life. Let's say your really old, overweight, w/e. Do you think, then, your qualifications for a partner would change to fit more of the personality/compatibility realm?


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

Looks beat everything. Relationships are off limits to ugly people.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

another necrobump in progress.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Hoth said:


> I see physical attraction as a qualifying criteria that doesn't help much beyond qualification. Probably at least 80% of women my age are pleasant enough to look at that they're qualified. Amongst those 80%, I'd favor a slightly more compatible personality over drastically better looks. As far as the other 20%, I don't know, maybe a great personality would convince me or maybe not (would need actual experience to know).


This is a perfect description of how I view attraction, too. I wish physical appearance didn't matter to me, but it does in the sense of a "qualifier." As long as the girl "qualifies," though, whether she's a "6" or "10" to me matters far less than other factors.

The only thing I'd differ on is your 80% figure. It's probably more like 50% for me, which is funny, becuase I'm in the bottom 5-10% of males by looks.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

There have been times when I've been a fool. There was this girl in sixth form who was stunning. I mean, heart beat faster stunning. And she knew it. Well, she knew people thought it. And I wanted her. Her intellect was powerful too and that made me want her more. But her personality? Well, she was dangerous. The relationship we did end up having was chaos in the extreme and she almost finished me off and I don't mean in a sexual way. I mean in a literal, very nearly dead way. That taught me a lot. The sexiest things about a woman are her personality and her brain.

"Now that I am losing some of my hair in the front, I keep it real close and girls don't react the same way at all. So save me the excuse that women aren't attracted to physical appearance as well. What a big crock of ****.
If you have the 'secret' for being attracted to someone when they aren't physically attractive, please share it with me because that is a wealth of sexual intimacy I simply do not understand."

The true enemy of attraction is insecurity. What? So bald guys never girl girlfriends? Never seen a bald man dating a woman? Explain the Patrick Stewart female fan club to me? You've just assumed that it was the hair that they approached you for. So, when you started to lose it, that made you insecure and that's the enemy of attraction. Just as the spore of my self hatred is my enemy at the moment. Just because they're not approaching doesn't mean they are not attracted.

"Looks beat everything. Relationships are off limits to ugly people."

No, they don't. And even if they did, you can't be sure of your own looks and this from the guy who got smiled at by some woman (I seem to remember from another thread). So what that does say about your looks? Or did your belief system filter that one away? There are no "ugly people". Well, personally, I find serial killers and people who hurt others ugly and revolting. But that's my personal preference. Talking about "ugly" as if it is some "static" thing is daft. A so called "beautiful" person can do a "ugly" thing or act in an "ugly" way in an instant.

Some guy I know. Works in the gym a lot. Apparently "good looking" but the girls in our social group rejected him. So I asked around and discovered it was because he went around treating women like objects rather blatantly. One example is not necessarily proof but that was a case where looks didn't beat everything.

The "beauty to ugly" spectrum is a nonsense. It's relative, subjective, fluid and moving.

People on here talk of "looks" of being important. Well, fine. But that's not a static. That's not "someone told us what good looks mean and we are all following that". Everyone has preferences and perceptions and those are fluid and subjective and relative and they move.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Physical attraction is pretty much essential if you want a well-rounded relationship with a women (that is, physical intimacy as well as love and companionship). It's natural and how animals chose their mates, though humans are much more complex and there are other additional factors that tend to affect romantic feelings/love.

But having very high expectations and being turned off at the slightest flaw can be just detrimental for you in the long run... Even the most beautiful of girls have flaws that you may not notice until you are regularly intimate or live with them. It's completely normal and would be very unusual and extremely rare for anyone to exist without "flaws". 
The post above I think has a lot of truth in it, if you date more over a long period of time I think you begin to not really care about the minor flaws and probably realize the pointlessness in having super high expectations (oops, it was deleted, but joinmartin's post is helpful too as usual).

However if you are going to be judgmental on your s/o or wife's body, best to be with someone who takes criticism well and perhaps really likes to keep good care of their body (e.g. really into keeping fit) and may even find it helpful (assuming you don't act like a dick about it).  Being with someone who you know has problems with insecurities - if you absolutely _can't_ help being critical - would just be emotionally abusive in a way, particularly if you make a commitment to be with them for a very long time but don't warn them how you'll react if they don't keep themselves preserved in their current state.

And hey, if you are with a girl and give her criticism on her body, don't forget that she has every right to (and should) critique and tear apart your appearance just as much as you do. :b


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

LaRibbon said:


> This thread makes me sad.


:sigh

This is why people should stay inside their cutegories when they date.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> _
> "Looks beat everything. Relationships are off limits to ugly people."_
> 
> No, they don't. And even if they did, you can't be sure of your own looks and this from the guy who got smiled at by some woman (I seem to remember from another thread). So what that does say about your looks? Or did your belief system filter that one away? There are no "ugly people". Well, personally, I find serial killers and people who hurt others ugly and revolting. But that's my personal preference. Talking about "ugly" as if it is some "static" thing is daft. A so called "beautiful" person can do a "ugly" thing or act in an "ugly" way in an instant.
> ...


No women have asked me out, therefore I'm ugly. I know I'm ugly because acne scars are cratered across my face. I'm slightly above a burn victim, I might as well just peel off the remaining flesh and finish the job my diseased genetics started.

You notice the irony about they guy who works out at the gym a lot? All the women know exactly whom you're talking about. What does that mean? He registers on their radar, I don't. They all secretely find him attractive.

I guess I'm superficial and not enlightened enough to see the beauty in everything. I think the world works on a 1 - 10 number scale.

Even good looking serial killers get more women than I do. I mean what the hell? Isn't that bogus? Or a clue that this society sucks? This society is in decline and I don't give a damn anymore. The mating game is creating a male holocaust of lonely men. We're dieing en mass. Why the hell should a freaking serial murderer get a free pass with hot chicks just because he's handsome? This game sucks.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I'm not about to say that looks don't matter to me. of course they do. but you just never know. or I guess *I* just never know. 

My current boyfriend I met through POF. it was the eighth time I met someone from the site. by this time, I had given up meeting someone I wanted to be with romantically. This after many many messages and writing and rewriting my profile like, six times just because I got a kick out of writing them. 

and then this guy messaged me. he seemed nice enough, but I saw his picture and I thought hey,he'll make an interesting friend. we clicked humor-wise. so we met and hung out for a day. we ended up walking all over the city and simply talking. Still, I saw him as only a friend. 

we met up a couple more times and before I could say hey man, you're totally bald, I developed feelings for him. Not just the warm fuzzies feeling, but full and complete physical attraction. He's 5'10", bald, wears glasses, and ever notice how guys who are bald always seem to have yeti - like hair everywhere else? as I got to know him, the more I was attracted to him. totally and hopelessly physically attracted. 

not typical, is it? or at least not what most people seem to think is the "typical type" that women are supposed to be attracted to. 

but without going into detail, I'll just say things are pretty passionate.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> Heh heh - say that when your 97.4 and wearing Depends!


I wish there was a "Like" button.. Haha!!! Nice!


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

"No women have asked me out, therefore I'm ugly. I know I'm ugly because acne scars are cratered across my face. I'm slightly above a burn victim, I might as well just peel off the remaining flesh and finish the job my diseased genetics started."

Massive sweeping assumptions. No women have asked you out so you're ugly? That's a negative cause and effect. Well, it pretty much stands as: "you think you're ugly and no women have asked you out so you use that to re-enforce your own idea that your ugly". A belief system feeding itself. I'm sure I read on this forum a thread about some woman smiling at you. How did your belief system dismiss that? And, if a woman asked you out tomorrow, what would you do? Because, by your own admission, the belief that you're ugly is based on the fact that no women have asked you out. If a woman did ask you out then the belief system would have to fall, would it not? You've got acne scars across your face? Okay, I get that that could make you self conscious. But what's all this about being slightly above a burn victim and having diseased genetics? Basically, this sounds less like a "real" or a "static" and more like a way you see yourself. Which is fine. You have authority over that. You choose your self image.

"You notice the irony about they guy who works out at the gym a lot? All the women know exactly whom you're talking about. What does that mean? He registers on their radar, I don't. They all secretely find him attractive."

With the guy from the gym it would be difficult for them not to know who he was. He hits on everything in a skirt. And whether they find him secretly attractive or not, I don't know but to be honest I doubt it. And how do you know you don't register on women's radar? Didn't a woman smile at you recently?

"I guess I'm superficial and not enlightened enough to see the beauty in everything. I think the world works on a 1 - 10 number scale."

Beauty is subjective, relative, fluid and it moves. It's not a "static" so much as a force, a perception, a perspective and, unfortunately in this world, a contributing factor to certain people's false ideals.

"Even good looking serial killers get more women than I do."

Well, that is an assumption. Unless you've gone and looked at every single serial killer on the face of the planet. Plus, "good looking" is subjective, relative and fluid so you wouldn't necessarily know whether the serial killer was good looking or not in the first place.

"I mean what the hell? Isn't that bogus? Or a clue that this society sucks? This society is in decline and I don't give a damn anymore. The mating game is creating a male holocaust of lonely men. We're dieing en mass. Why the hell should a freaking serial murderer get a free pass with hot chicks just because he's handsome? This game sucks."

Well, he doesn't. That's not society. That's your belief system making judgements about things. You're entire idea about being ugly is based on the fact that no women have ever asked you out. So, for all you know, you're gorgeous and women just haven't had the opportunity to pluck up the courage to ask you out. Men making the first move and all. You are entitled to your own perception of yourself. But don't be too secure in it. Because it's that which holds you back not the decline of an idea of society.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I think there must be some attraction there. I don't buy into the view that looks don't matter, which i've heard said to me by a few people in the past. If i find a person physically disgusting i'm not going to be hitting on them with the aim of not being perceived as shallow or out of a sense of charity. It's unnatural to be with a person you aren't attracted to and there is no reason for feeling bad about acknowledging that, as there are lots of other unnatractive people for that person to hook up with. If a person is too good looking though that can be a turnoff as well, as these women are always getting hassled by lots of men wherever you go.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

You need to be physically attracted to your partner, that's a given I think. But there's so much more to it than that. So much more.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

"I think there must be some attraction there. I don't buy into the view that looks don't matter, which i've heard said to me by a few people in the past. If i find a person physically disgusting i'm not going to be hitting on them with the aim of not being perceived as shallow or out of a sense of charity. It's unnatural to be with a person you aren't attracted to and there is no reason for feeling bad about acknowledging that, as there are lots of other unnatractive people for that person to hook up with."

Lots of unattractive people for that person to hook up with? So, you assume someone is "unattractive" and then decide that they have to hook up with other people you think of as "unattractive"? And besides, it would be "unattractive to you" or "attractive to you". It's a fluid, subjective, relative, moving thing and not a static. Looks are one very small part of attraction but again that's not a static. It's about personal preference and perception and those things are, once again, fluid, moving, relative and subjective. Married couples grow accustomed to each other over time and sometimes that results in them losing attraction for each other. It moves. It's fluid. It's relative and it is subjective.


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## Anxious Angel (Oct 25, 2009)

I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend tells me I am beautiful all the time. I have a great body and am thin and my boyfriend likes me for both my looks and personality. My boyfriend likes me for more than just my looks, my boyfriend likes me for who I am inside. I have anorexia, so I am skinny and have a great body and am considered very good looking. I'm skinny and told I was good looking a lot. I starve myself to look this hot. My boyfriend is an amazing guy, he plays guitar in a band and I like him for who he is on the inside, he's amazing.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

Prodigal Son said:


> Also, I like skinny girls (well not anorexic or anything) just thin and fit. Bones protruding can be disgusting.


Do you keep fit yourself? I'm not saying you shouldn't want that if you don't, I'm just wondering if it'd benefit you if you joined a club or something that's about something active since it's more likely there would be fit women there.



Prodigal Son said:


> Also, what she needs to work on in the gym.


DON'T TELL HER! Please, just don't! We know, we know already! Trust me.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

I don't know...I agree with you, OP. To me, the most unfulfilling relationships were those where I was not physically attracted to the guy. Without that initial, "I would" in the back of your mind, or the front of your pants, what's the point? For those who have had success with 'waiting it out', til the person's true personality shows, why even waste your time when there are people who you are probably madly and passionately attracted to, sexually, right off the bat? Objectively attractive people are a dime a dozen, as are fit girls if you're in the right location, so why waste your time _hoping _someone's personality overcompensates for something they don't have, when you can start from the reverse, and move on if they're an idiot? Just my point of view. Besides, what happens when someone's character begins to change with their maturation? You then most likely not only start to pick out their personality flaws, but their sub-par physical ones too, leading to _nothing _being redeeming about the person. Ooo...bleak.


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## Anxious Angel (Oct 25, 2009)

I'm attractive and have an amazing boyfriend. I am thin, attractive and have the best boyfriend ever. My boyfriend likes me for who I am. I have a lot of learning disabilities and mental problems, but my boyfriend likes me because of my quirks. My boyfriend is both physically and emotionally attracted to me.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Their has to be "chemistry" if im attracted to a girl. I use to care a lot about looks but it still matters.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

Amocholes said:


> another necrobump in progress.


It's annoying, and if people respond to something you do not remember the context in which the post was made or may not remember making the post at all..eesh. Especially since threads you've replied to are marked with an icon, I assure you it is a surprise to see a 'new' thread which you've apparently already been involved in. Nothing like re-reading a discussion trying to figure out what you replied with years ago.


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

What I consider attractive is usually not what other guys find attractive.

I tell them that I like the way that person looks. They sort of give me a weird look.

Honestly, I like it when girls are plain. Jeans, sweatshirt, and a pony tail. That's it, no need to be fancied out to compete with others. Glasses? Yes actually, I like when girls wear glasses. I like the geeky look to girls, they seem very real to me. Unlike the others I avoid, the ones that are from an inbred corporate infested landscape they dwell on. Just a bunch of walking billboards to impress others, thinking labels are so important.

If it were my way, girls wouldn't have to shave their leg hair. They wouldn't have to smear makeup on their face to impress. 

But it's too late now, since we all grew up in a world where girls have to shave, it's considered gross if they have hairy legs. A bunch of utter bull**** to me.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

I don't get this whole looks thing. 90% of all people in relationships are with people at their same level of attractiveness. I don't have proof of that, its just what I see. Just find someone you think is cool whose in your range and be happy. Stop making life so complicated.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

jlotz123 said:


> What I consider attractive is usually not what other guys find attractive.
> 
> I tell them that I like the way that person looks. They sort of give me a weird look.
> 
> ...


You know, the glasses fetish is becoming pretty popular.:con If there's anything people compliment me about, it's the glasses, haha.

And yay for being against shaving! :boogie


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## Caterpillar13 (Nov 10, 2013)

Wow this post has knocked my confidence.. and do u guys make judgments only on girls u could date or would u think about it with any girl u talk to? For example if I was making polite conversation with u and feeling good that I'm not being 'paranoid' that people are judging me...

Are u saying that infact they ARE judging me?

She needs to work out more, her teeth are crooked etc.

Oh god, I need to find a rock to hide under...


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

I'm happy that I don't have the same taste as most guys in this thread. I have been attracted to girl of all sizes except super skinny.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

I'm ugly, hostile, angry, and shallow with no job, car, or any accomplishments to date in life. To say that finding a girl is the last thing on my mind is an understatement.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

Ofcourse first impression (looks and social connection) is the most important. But after is chemistry and mental and spiritual connection. In the end, you don't love someone because they are physically attractive but because of who they are (character, mental and spiritual state). Because looks change. And that is just the truth


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

I believe in a double standard, if I want physically fit and attractive girls then I have to be physically fit and attractive as well.

I'm a fit-buff dude, but I don't have the best face myself. So if I get with a girl who is fit as well and doesn't have the best face herself then hey, I'm content. Who am I to ask for more?


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Caterpillar13 said:


> Wow this post has knocked my confidence.. and do u guys make judgments only on girls u could date or would u think about it with any girl u talk to? For example if I was making polite conversation with u and feeling good that I'm not being 'paranoid' that people are judging me...
> 
> Are u saying that infact they ARE judging me?
> 
> ...


Please don't beat yourself up over these thoughts, I promise you, there are plenty of people that don't think like that! ESPECIALLY if they are our friends or just a friendly person.


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## The Enclave (May 10, 2013)

Well you're going to run into a lot of crappy chicks that will use you and not even give you a real kiss then so...


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

I think physical attraction must have


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## King Sean (Dec 9, 2013)

Hmm, I hope this doesn't make me look like a jerk, but so far I have *only *been physically attracted to women. I don't mean that in a creepy way either, it's just that I have never met a women and thought "Wow, I could see myself in a committed relationship with her." I have never made a romantic connection with another person my entire life, nor have I ever felt the urge to pursue a relationship. That's not to say that I have never loved someone as there are women out there that I would trust with my life, but I have never liked a girl (or anyone for that matter) in a non-platonic sort of way. Little school yard crushes are the closest I have ever gotten to having feelings of affection for anybody. Even then, those crushes tend to revolve around the fact that I thought the girl was cute.

It's weird for me to explain, and I feel like a jerk in doing so, and I really hope I didn't give off the wrong vibe with this post. I don't only think of women as objects of lust or anything. I just have trouble explaining the lack of an emotion I haven't really experienced. Also, I am new to sharing thoughts, feelings, and concerns with people on the internet.

Anyway, everyone tells me that the issue lies in the fact that I'm young and haven't met 'Ms. Right' yet. I can believe that, and I'm not fretting over it either. Relationships, sex, and love don't feel all that important to me.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Physical attraction is very important. No need to deny it. I only date women I find attractive and hope those same women think the same of me.

To me its only a problem when you put up with bull crap because you finally got the hot girl/guy. I don't think anyone should sacrifice their self worth for a good looking person.


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## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Ya I agree.
1. face needs to be on par with brad pitt's. 
2. his belly button needs to be a certain shape. 
3. his ears can't stick out AT ALL. 
4. He has to have really BIG eyes
5. His teeth need to be extremely white and straight. 
6. He has to smell good at all times. 
7. He has to have nice large hands 
8. He has to be over 6 feet tall

Lol
How would it feel if a girl you really liked required all those and you didn't make the cut? 
Not good, huh?

Point made.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> Ya I agree.
> 1. face needs to be on par with brad pitt's.
> 2. his belly button needs to be a certain shape.
> 3. his ears can't stick out AT ALL.
> ...


Most guys here are always being rejected so I'm not sure how you made a point. They already complain about not having such features to begin with.


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## Tinydancer20 (Jun 17, 2013)

Jesuszilla said:


> Most guys here are always being rejected so I'm not sure how you made a point. They already complain about not having such features to begin with.


reread op's post and the title of this thread. Saying he judges girls on what he likes and doesn't like about their appearance. It's actually pretty offensive, I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine .


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> reread op's post and the title of this thread. Saying he judges girls on what he likes and doesn't like about their appearance. It's actually pretty offensive, I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine .


I didn't realize this thread was 6 years old


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Tinydancer20 said:


> reread op's post and the title of this thread. Saying he judges girls on what he likes and doesn't like about their appearance. It's actually pretty offensive, I was just giving him a taste of his own medicine .


Eh so long as he sees the double-standard then it's all good I guess.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

Im not a guy, but physical attraction isnt the most important to me. Ive met plenty of men who wete hot as hell, but once i got to know who they were as people, i was completely turned off. Just the thought of anything sexual with them was revolting.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

Caterpillar13 said:


> Wow this post has knocked my confidence.. and do u guys make judgments only on girls u could date or would u think about it with any girl u talk to? For example if I was making polite conversation with u and feeling good that I'm not being 'paranoid' that people are judging me...
> 
> Are u saying that infact they ARE judging me?
> 
> ...


:squeeze 
Not every man is like this! Ive met awesome guys who were so down too earth and who didnt put so much emphasis on physical attraction. They were more realistic with their expectations. Try not to let it get you down!


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Everyone has their preferences. But I assure you this way of thinking will most likely bring you great misery.

Let's say breast size is the physical attribute that attracts you. Big breasts are what turn you on. Imagine how absurd it is to pick a life partner where breast size was the most important thing to you. This person's is going to bear and raise your children.

Oh, wait till you see what childbirth can do to a woman's body. The breasts inflate and then...deflate. Stretch marks all over the place.

And what happens when you she gets older? 40? 50? Trader her in for a new model? Cheat on her?

I'll fast forward to your future: Divorced, 50-year-old dude drinking away his problems at the strip club.

And even if by some miracle you find a hot woman whose breasts remain perfectly perky forever, you'll get bored of her. It's a basic law of nature. Everything is especially exciting at first and then it becomes normal. Two years into a relationship sex with a gorgeous looking woman is no different than sex with an average looking woman.

Don't get me wrong, when a sexy woman walks by I turn my head too. It's just that I've learned through painful painful experience that it's a temporary excitement. A good, kind, supportive woman you click with is absolutely priceless.

But maybe it's just one of those things you have to learn the hard way.


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## fineline (Oct 21, 2011)

if physical attraction is all that is important to you then...

well i'll just cut to the chase.

good luck treating your herpes.


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## Deuce92 (Dec 11, 2013)

Caterpillar13 said:


> Wow this post has knocked my confidence.. and do u guys make judgments only on girls u could date or would u think about it with any girl u talk to? For example if I was making polite conversation with u and feeling good that I'm not being 'paranoid' that people are judging me...
> 
> Are u saying that infact they ARE judging me?
> 
> ...


Yes, usually in only a few seconds. Pretty sure it's human nature. I wish it were different, but sadly it's not.

Don't worry about it though, because a great personality can easily turn the tide! While it may not seem like it, personality does matter more than looks to the majority of people.

And to those who only care about looks, well... you probably wouldn't want to hang out with those people anyway. :b


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

same for every guy, whoever says otherwise are liars


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Caterpillar13 said:


> Wow this post has knocked my confidence.. and do u guys make judgments only on girls u could date or would u think about it with any girl u talk to? For example if I was making polite conversation with u and feeling good that I'm not being 'paranoid' that people are judging me...
> 
> Are u saying that infact they ARE judging me?
> 
> ...


Everybody judges eachother.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

As an Asian tanned male with dark eyes and dark hair I tend to be more attracted to pale girls with bright eyes and bright hair (blonde, brunette, redhead). There was one girl I found very attractive and she had dark hair and dark eyes but it was her beautiful personality that drew me to her. I guess it wasn't attraction but more a deeper emotional connection - it's funny because she likes dudes with bright eyes and it's a thing we have in common. 

So I think physical attraction can play a big part in relationships, but given the right mix of persoanlity and looks then you've found yourself a keeper.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

In similar news: the sky is blue.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

The only hope you have when you are ugly is to try, try, try and hope a good looking girl settles for you. If you are like me, love is an accomplishment, and it must be how you want it. I would choose death over settling. That's how strongly I believe in this.


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