# Befriending you out of pity



## green20ghouls (Oct 10, 2014)

Has always happened to me for as long as I can remember. It annoys the hell out of me. People try to be my friend out of pity, and they think I don't realise it. They are so patronising and condescending towards me. Like I'm a charity case and they are saints for being my friend and inviting me places. I want people to be my friend and invite me places because they genuinely want my company! It's so frustrating. Does this happen to anyone else?:|


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Nope. No one would do that for me. So you have it good.


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## green20ghouls (Oct 10, 2014)

But wouldn't that make you feel humiliated and awful? Like you're not even human, but something less? Come on, I want genuine friendships. Isn't that what everyone wants?
But I manage to ruin every friendship I ever make, so I always end up alone.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Eh, there's not much anyone can do to make me feel worthless. I do that all on my own the whole time. I wouldn't stick around long in an abusive type of relationship though.


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## green20ghouls (Oct 10, 2014)

I realise my post makes me seem like an ungrateful person who just complains about everything. I am grateful when I have friends, just I want them to like me genuinely. Just needed to vent a little frustration that I've been feeling a long time.


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## TheLoser (Jul 16, 2014)

Yeah, I experience this too. People dont ask me to go with them though, they just ask or if I go to places.. The guys I live with are pretty nice, but they act different to me than they do to each other. We can talk sometimes but its not like we're friends. Just today I heared three of them inviting each other to hang out with other friends of them, just out of nowhere. That would never happen to me.


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## melonelywalk (Oct 5, 2014)

I feel this way with my family.


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## anyoldkindofday (Dec 16, 2012)

I think in some sense being worthy of being a charity case also means they think you're capable of getting better and worth the time investment. Don't think there's a lot of people out there that would waste their time on someone they'll never like.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

People have only interacted with me out of pity or for free tutoring.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

I've experienced people talking to me, inviting me places, or hanging out with me out of pity, but not befriending me. I don't think anyone would do that. I can see someone feeling pity and doing something, but not something that would involve so much continuing effort as befriending would. If someone is your friend, I would assume they get something out of seeing you.


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## green20ghouls (Oct 10, 2014)

Maybe 'befriending" is the wrong word. They don't put in that much effort. But they definitely treat me differently to how they treat each other. But you do have a point. I never thought of it that way. Maybe they do feel I have potential and are genuinely trying to get me out of my shell..interesting.


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## InDelirium (Jul 15, 2013)

Not many people have genuine friends. So being social from time to time is something you should be glad for.


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

I get that it kind off sucks when you think that people are only inviting you out of pity, but you'll probably feel a whole lot worse when they'll stop doing it.
I think you'll miss them when you're just staying at home every weekend, and have no one to call. Maybe one of these "acquaintances" will turn into a genuine friend over time.


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

I appreciate it, but then it seems to me like I can't give enough. When I recognize that, or I get weird looks or signs of differentiation, what I really want to do is figure out how to say 'thanks' somehow and quietly disappear. 

Even if things like that go badly, I'd rather have the experience and learn how to handle myself, how I'm seen as weak, or just about life from a socially-'normal' perspective and wind down than not to.


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## Snowman 23 (Jun 8, 2014)

I had a girl befriend me out of pity. She was kind and not condescending. I am very grateful to her, even tho I know it was out of pity. Thanks to her, I'm slightly less scared of being in a social setting. She never really minded that I was very quiet, and she tried to coax me outta my shell.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

I've had some people befriend me out of pity but I am sure it's also because they find me useful for something, I am usually the go to guy for help from quite a few people sadly. But most of them never invite me out for a drink or hang out with me. It's got to the point where I've just given up on trying to make friends and I feel a lot happier now that I am not constantly trying anymore. I've learnt being too nice is a major bad thing as well, it'll get you used and abused and not making any friends.


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## towmotor610 (Oct 20, 2014)

@ vision i hear that man, i get befriended out of pitty then comes the part where they borrow money that i never see again lol. Im right there with you, i don't know what it is about me but every one of my "friends" just seem to be setting me up for a fall. One of these days i'll find a true friend but to this day it has not happened yet.


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## Visi0n (Jul 3, 2014)

towmotor610 said:


> @ vision i hear that man, i get befriended out of pitty then comes the part where they borrow money that i never see again lol. Im right there with you, i don't know what it is about me but every one of my "friends" just seem to be setting me up for a fall. One of these days i'll find a true friend but to this day it has not happened yet.


Well, I've decided if you can't beat them, join them. I've turned into a major prick these days, enough is enough I reckon. Now I only seek out what's going to be a good investment for myself. I don't get asked to borrow money, I get asked for favors all the time instead. Like oh I am feeling down, then they come to me to play Psychologist. Oh my computer isn't working or something is wrong with it, let's go to Vision, oh **** my car needs a repair, let's go to vision. That's my life pretty much, spend a lot of my time learning how to do things and gaining skill sets and then all of a sudden I have all these friends that want me to help them with their problems but I stand up for myself and don't let myself get used and abused, it doesn't make me friends but at least it doesn't make me look weak and put in a situation where I am only going to get used and abused and spat out when they have finished with me. I'd prefer to stand up for myself and have no one compared to the other option.


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## m20srr184 (Sep 24, 2014)

In my experiences, people generally don't invite you places out of pity. They could be genuinely trying to reach out to you. Nevertheless, you're not obligated to maintain unfulfilling relationships. If you don't feel like you're getting anything meaningful out of these friendships, then why continue them? 

Even so, try to keep in mind that there are all sorts of different layers to friendship. Sometimes your interactions with others are superficial and circumstantial at best -- most people would consider someone like that an "acquaintance." Other times, you connect with someone on a more personal level, usually though mutual interests. That's how most friendships begin, and in those cases there's going to be a different degree of closeness involved than with the former. Time affects the quality of this as well. That could be why you're picking up on a different attitude towards you than with other members of the group: You may simply not have that same degree of closeness yet. But it can eventually happen. 

At the end of the day, friendship is a two-way street. Both parties have to be willing to put forth effort in order to procure a desirable result. Meaningful relationships don't spawn overnight. And if for whatever reason it doesn't seem worthwhile? Move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.


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