# SA giving you trouble to hold conversations? here's a tip!



## LonerInTheCrowd (Oct 15, 2005)

*WARNING: If you don't want to be turned into a garrulous, confident conversationalist, do not read this thread!!! You WILL become one.*

OK, so I'm at work eating a sandwich in the break room, and I move over to join four coworkers having an animated discussion next to the copy machine. I assume it's work-related, but as soon as I make my presence known, I realize they are discussing whether it's true that time and space are calculated by the direct ratio of interplanetary magnetism to solar radiation, a subject I have little interest or knowledge in. Moments later their topic changes into debating the merits of our city's basketball team, another subject I know nothing about. I really want to join in but feel awkward in saying anything, and I can't leave for fear of them thinking their conversation scared me away.

I've learned a way to enhance creativity during conversation is to engage in _divergent thinking_. That means generating many new ideas or bringing together two or more that may have remote connections. Basically, if you practice divergent thinking, you'll be able to thrive in conversations confidently and fluently without those awkward silences, uncomfortable feelings, and negative inner voices.

*Here's how to practice divergent thinking:* Starting on a piece of paper, jot down every use you can imagine for a brick. Start with the obvious--building a house, paving a patio, holding up bookshelves--and advance to more creative uses such as flowerpot stands, doorstops, footrests, shooting targets, and so on. Choose new and unusual objects, and repeat the exercise. Don't evaluate your ideas as you go along. That reduces creativity. Brainstorm for fifteen minutes, and then go back to link ideas and evaluate. After a while you'll be able to do this activity in your head anywhere making it easier for you to spontaneously speak whatever comes into your mind during conversations. For instance, you may compliment a pearl brooch your partner is wearing, then remember a documentary on pearl diving, and finally relate all of that to a vacation in the Bahamas. Taking turns in the conversation, you could ask your partner if she has ever visited the tropics or gone scuba diving. Or you could inquire about what other sports she enjoys, and so on. After 10 minutes or more, you'll realize you were speaking fluently with more courage than usual. Always remember, since creativity is unrelated to intelligence and keeps a good conversation flowing, the secret therefore in creating fluent conversation is _to practice creativity_. Divergent thinking does just that!

If you attempt the divergent thinking process yourself, let us know how it turns out for you.

:sas


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

Interesting, thanks. I have heard of something like that.


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## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

I'll have to admit that I was a bit skeptical at first, but since you've posted I notice that I've been using your advice and it has been working for me. Thanks!


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## Szattam (Nov 11, 2003)

Thats cool thanks! I read comedians are really good at this sort of thing...


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## WhyMe888 (Aug 22, 2005)

thanks for posting that. i'm always been horrible at continuing conversations. maybe this will help


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## seagreen16 (Sep 24, 2005)

It seems to me that this advice will help most in situations where you socialize with others. Like some party or big social gathering. It's not really the kind of socializing that will draw people closer to you and make close friends. People want to be friends with someone they feel a connection with so being a big talker won't necessarily win you a lot of friends unless someone else likes to be around someone who talks a lot about a lot of things.


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