# Lack of confidence (thinking you suck at everything)



## Steve215 (May 25, 2005)

Anyone else litterally over examine every little thing you do and always think you messed whatever you're doing up? When I was young I started messing with computers and to this very day think I know less than average what others do. Yet if I look at it seriously, i've designed websites, i've programmed, I even "hacked" and found a lot of cool exploits in software. No, I never did any damage though. Yet if you ask me if I know a lot about computers, i'll say "nope".

I also play the guitar and have been playing for about four years. Yep you guessed it, I think I suck at it. The funny thing is, people compliment me on my playing and when I send aduio out online I usually get complimented on it. Whenever I get compliments I shrug them off and say to myself "ahh they are just saying that to be nice".

Now that i've started college i'm expirencing the same thing. For instance, I get an essay I have to write and I litterally think about it 24/7. I'll litterally work insanely hard on it and do my very best and then when I finally get it finished and proof read it I almost always come to the same conclusion, it sucks. Yet then I turn it in and get an A. Even then, I see the A and think "wow, that paper really sucked. How the hell did I get that A?!"

I never really noticed I did this until one day my mom says "you litterally stress over everything and always think everything you do sucks. give yourself a break for once!" It was cool of her to say that considering I never really noticed it before. The only problem is, now I know I do it and yet still continue to beat myself up regardless. Reminds me of that song, "my own worst enemy". :lol


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## Syanis (Aug 20, 2005)

I tend to think whatever I do is bad or a failure also. Its a sign of depression and possible other things. I'm trying to rethink each thought when I just deside its bad and try and think of reasons why its actually bad. I'm finding alot of things I think are bad I do aren't as bad or even good. 

However some things I just haven't been successful in thinking positively about. But try analzing why its a failure or whatnot, see if you can come up with logical reasons.... more then likely half or more of the things won't be as bad.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

.


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## missnat84 (Dec 31, 2004)

whiteclouds said:


> Me too. I pretty much think my life is a failure.


 :dito I think that about myself too.


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## Steve215 (May 25, 2005)

I guess we'll all have to wait until one of the big drug companies invents a magical confidence pill. Of course considering the drugs already on the market, it'll probably decrease your sex drive, increase your chances of a heart attack and kill your liver. Hey but at least we'll have confidence. :lol


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## cuddles (Oct 14, 2005)

I have this problem every moment of every day. I've had therapy and medication and it still couldn't make my anxiety go away. Not that I relied on "happy pills" - I put in a lot of work trying to change. I was always a straight A student because I stressed over everything to make it perfect. I felt so nervous waiting for the grade to come on papers that I should have known would come back perfect. Now I have problems getting and holding a job because I get so messed up in the head that I'm going to screw everything up that I psych myself into doing just that. I also have these thoughts that just pop into my head for no particular reason at any time. You know, the really embarrassing moments of the past. Then I feel worse and try to shake them out of my head or tell myself to get over it. Sometimes I realize people are looking at me because I'm yelling at myself and then that makes me feel even worse! I can't control it. I've tried giving myself a designated period of time to think only about all the embarrassing stuff (like 15 min. at a specific time of day) in hopes that it would help control it and make them just pop up. Sometimes it helps - other times it makes me a nervous wreck.


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

I think my life is a total failure. I am hopeless.


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## island (Aug 9, 2005)

I can't even post without thinking that the post sucks! Seriously, I almost always think this way. Even if I were the "best" at something within my school or city or state, I'd always feel as though another person elsewhere would possess superior skills. And unlike some of the previous posters, my SA and lack of confidence do nothing but hinder my efforts. What annoys me more than not feeling like I'm good at anything, is the fact that I'll pass up opportunites or new things because of the mindset.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

island said:


> Even if I were the "best" at something within my school or city or state, I'd always feel as though another person elsewhere would possess superior skills. .


Holla. I basically *look* for someone to be better than me, just so I can sit there insulting myself for hours on end. Win an award? So what. Someone out there must have won two. Sports MVP? It was a small tournament, no good players were there, so it doesn't matter.


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## NewWorldOrder (Nov 19, 2004)

I actually do suck at everything. A lot of the time I judge myself based on what skills I have.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

Yeah, lack of confidence is a big problem for me. Funny what you say about getting A's on papers: I'm in grad school (completed a master's and am currently working on my PhD), and I still feel the exact same way. I'm thoroughly ashamed of pretty much everything I write, but obviously it's all been good enough in other people's judgment to advance me to the point I'm at today. Hardly matters, though: I still firmly believe that my intellect is not up to snuff, that I'm not PhD material, and that it's only a matter of time before I'm exposed as the fraud that I am. (Whether that's true, who knows. I probably shouldn't be that hard on myself. But the reality is, that's how I feel most of the time.)


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## BeautifullyDemented (Oct 17, 2005)

I *always* have that problem. I've gotten ALL 100%'s in english, yet when I turn something simple in I stress, thinking its not good enough, thinking I messed something up, did grammar wrong, did SOMETHING that isn't right. When I get it back, its 100%, but I still think 'She's being nice, I did something wrong'. I just can't get over the mind set.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

.


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## coyasso (Dec 21, 2003)

Oh man, this one really hits home. I'm a drummer for almost 20 years, and I think I'm absolutely worthless at it. I think my groove is off, my chops suck, and I'll never be anything. This is kind of a conflict, because I know want to be professional, which is good in the sense that it forces me to deal with this self-perception. My friends are always like 'your awesome!' and people always tell me I'm so talented, but I don't believe it. All I do is focus on everything I can't do, and all of the faults in my place, and not what I can do and have fun with that. It takes all of the fun out of the playing. It sucks because before SAD and depression, I feel like I was better becasue I didn't think so much. Now I think too much. This goes for everything too like you said. In sports, I used to be a natural when little. In high school, I thought I sucked, even though I really didn't suck as bad as I think. Even with people, I think I'm a terrible person and stuff and so bad at conversation, yet people seem to like something about me, yet I don't take any credit for it, I just shirk it off as a mistake. I always think I'm not as good as I SHOULD, if I were perfect. It's perfectionism basically, at its worst: self-destructionism (if that's even a word). Perfectionism is very bad, and points to many faults in thinking and perception that need to be fixed to get rid of it. Super high expectations are a problem. I believe its tied to SAD. I think we care so much about what other people think, they we're afraid they'll judge our work, or our craft, just like we're afraid they'll judge our social lives. I think it's all related to SAD and what people think.


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## Punisher (Oct 4, 2005)

This is the big road block I face with SA. Whatever the situation I think I am inferior. It causes me to allow opportunities to pass me by. I don't even apply on many jobs that I would love to have because I figure that there is no way I would get it. I'm not qualified enough, smart enough, etc. Screwing up on so many interviews for other jobs plays with my mind there too.
Annoymid - I know exactly what you are saying about feeling like a fraud. All of my marks were great in university and the few courses I did afterwards were A's and A+'s but yet I still feel like somehow I didn't deserve any of it. I've submitted papers that I thought would result in being laughed out of university, but ended up with an A. I always attributed it to a very easy going grader. I still wait for a time when someone will call and tell me that they made a mistake on all of my marks and I will have to return to finish it, lol 
I've done a lot of computer work and fixed a lot of people's computers (I'm the first person everyone who knows me calls to fix their computer or tv), yet I feel that I don't have any real knowledge in that area. Every compliment is a lie or just people trying to be nice. That happens in so many areas with me.
Much of it might come from never feeling like I actually gave it 100%. I could have done more, invested more time, read more material. I think holding such high expectations for ourselves is the cause of this. I've gotten 99% and spent the rest of the day annoyed that I missed out on 1 mark. I'm really attempting to reverse that now. I'm trying to make a point of talking positive to myself and finding the good in every situation. I still can't bring myself to apply on the job I want and know I would do well at though. I think that it is dooming me to a life of underachieving by choice (or in my current form, zeroachieving).


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## cuddles (Oct 14, 2005)

What you said about thinking you're a horrible conversationalist really hit a note with me. It's something I don't understand about myself. I feel really uncomfortable talking to new people and I feel like I hardly say anything because I don't want to make a fool of myself, but almost everybody I know loves me for some reason. I tell them I'm really shy and they give me looks like they don't believe me. I'm always thinking that they're being nice to me now and then they'll talk about me later. I also hate it when people tell me I'm exaggerating (I'm talking about people I love and who know about my problem - and that's not too many). They just don't understand what's it's like to be us. For them it's like water rolling off a duck's back and to us it's the end of a good day or a good job, or a good relationship, take your pick. I wish I were wealthy and invisible.


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## Qurat (Feb 12, 2013)

cuddles said:


> I have this problem every moment of every day. I've had therapy and medication and it still couldn't make my anxiety go away. Not that I relied on "happy pills" - I put in a lot of work trying to change. I was always a straight A student because I stressed over everything to make it perfect. I felt so nervous waiting for the grade to come on papers that I should have known would come back perfect. Now I have problems getting and holding a job because I get so messed up in the head that I'm going to screw everything up that I psych myself into doing just that. I also have these thoughts that just pop into my head for no particular reason at any time. You know, the really embarrassing moments of the past. Then I feel worse and try to shake them out of my head or tell myself to get over it. Sometimes I realize people are looking at me because I'm yelling at myself and then that makes me feel even worse! I can't control it. I've tried giving myself a designated period of time to think only about all the embarrassing stuff (like 15 min. at a specific time of day) in hopes that it would help control it and make them just pop up. Sometimes it helps - other times it makes me a nervous wreck.


If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation."
As we waste our breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last. Change what you can, let go of what you can't. Appreciate what you have!!!
Whoever you are - where ever you are - know who you are - the power you hold - connect with your community - share information - treat others as yourself - learn the power of giving - and most importantly lead by example in all that you do.
Negative thinking can be useful to help assess the possible consequences in a potential plan of action, but you need to be able to turn it on and off at will. Otherwise, negative thoughts will impair your self belief, your confidence and your achievements.
http://www.unknownhypnosis.com/hypnosis-downloads-mp3/stop-negative-thinking-now


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## Qurat (Feb 12, 2013)

anonymid said:


> Yeah, lack of confidence is a big problem for me. Funny what you say about getting A's on papers: I'm in grad school (completed a master's and am currently working on my PhD), and I still feel the exact same way. I'm thoroughly ashamed of pretty much everything I write, but obviously it's all been good enough in other people's judgment to advance me to the point I'm at today. Hardly matters, though: I still firmly believe that my intellect is not up to snuff, that I'm not PhD material, and that it's only a matter of time before I'm exposed as the fraud that I am. (Whether that's true, who knows. I probably shouldn't be that hard on myself. But the reality is, that's how I feel most of the time.)


A man is a product of his thought. How you think controls your actions. Lets take a chance to boost up your confidence with high esteem and positivity. 
Have you ever tried self hypnosis ? 
Take a chance and go to 
http://www.unknownhypnosis.com/hypnosis-downloads-mp3/boost-your-confidence
I hope it will work great with you !


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## SVIIC (Apr 15, 2005)

...you realize this was from infinite years ago, right? 

:teeth


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## DesertStar91 (Feb 1, 2012)

I am not sure, but I am a writer and no one has really seen my work. I wrote a novel that's over 1,000 pages long and no one really even knows what it's about. 

I also know I suck at math. I failed the math part of the GED the first time with the lowest score possible. I got like 4 out of 60 questions right.

I wanted to be a geologist, but I gave up because I thought I sucked at that too.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I have close to no confidence.


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## BigBlueMoon (Feb 7, 2013)

Ohhhh yes. I experience this everyday. I have lost interest in so many hobbies just simply because I've always felt that I sucked, that everybody else was better at me and that nothing would ever come out of practicing. 

For instance; last year I was really getting into guitar. For a couple months, I practiced every night and I was learning really quickly. I was getting into music theory, I was slowly learning how to shred and I was actually getting quite good at it. And then something happened along the way that just made me think to myself "Why am I wasting my time? There are plenty of guys in my school that are better than me and will succeed in this art more than I can ever dream of. It's not like I'll ever join a band or anything, I ****ing suck." And so I haven't practiced in a year now...I have a 1000$ guitar just sitting there in my room as a door stop and my 600$ amp that I saved up for in a month sitting in my closet, never getting used. And the sad thing is, I feel like it's too late to pick things up again and start playing again, even though my family is always telling me that I should start doing again. Just the idea of it brings me down and depresses me.

And guitar is not the only thing I've experienced this with. I've tried martial arts, figure skating, hockey, computer programming...lots of things. And I've failed to develop a commit with each thing. Mainly because of low confidence which spawns depression and a lack of interest.

It's quite sad and pathetic what I've become, really.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

SVIIC said:


> ...you realize this was from infinite years ago, right?
> 
> :teeth


And here I was getting hopeful. If somebody at the age of 30 (like me) could start college... But thanks for pointing that out regardless I missed that fact haha.

Anyway I think I suck at everything too. But I think it's not fictional. I have no proof whatsoever that I actually am good at anything I do.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

My confidence is really up and down, although its leveled off a bit in the past few years. (I don't have such an inferiority complex) but when my esteem gets low for whatever reason its impossible to not doubt yourself and second guess every decision you've made, becoming the most indecisive man in the world.

yes. no. yes. i mean no. yes.. ;_; when your self esteem deflates to this point its almost impossible to carry out simple tasks without over thinking it and making yourself look like a complete unco idiot.l 

(I keep saying you and you're but I mean me)


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## NeuromorPhish (Oct 11, 2012)

Huh, this thread seems to have been revived, flourishing on the inferiority of fellow forum members... 
I couldn't help but internally nod to myself when reading most of these posts, in agreement with the feelings expressed and especially the debilitating effect on motivation that a lack of confidence can produce.



BigBlueMoon said:


> And guitar is not the only thing I've experienced this with. I've tried martial arts, figure skating, hockey, computer programming...lots of things. And I've failed to develop a commit with each thing. Mainly because of low confidence which spawns depression and a lack of interest.


This happens to me too, and is probably the main reason i rarely finish projects i start with, or continue learning processes in whatever subject catches my interest at the moment. 
It's so hard to stay devoted to learning something, when all you can think is "why on earth am i doing this?" or "what's the point?". The feeling of worthlessness sucks away all the fun.

I try not compare myself to others, and to find (rare) positive feedback, but for me it's not a feeling produced by thoughts of inferiority; i _feel _worthless no matter what i _think_. 
This ambient feeling is coupled with a belief that i am insignificant, unwanted, needed by no one, and utterly unable to contribute to anything. 
I won't go into the reasons for why i believe this, but simply end by saying that, although perhaps exaggerated, i do have reasons..


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