# I hate talking to or being around people.



## MissKarlie (May 2, 2014)

I am not a shy person, and never have been. I go to the gym regularly, I am in a skydiving club. I used to perform on stage in front of hundreds, from presentations to drama performances.

The thing is I just don't like socialising. Not out of fear of saying something stupid. I'm just not interested in people at all. I don't care what anyone's opinion is. I hate sharing anything, or giving anything to anyone.

I know all this makes me an *** and that's why I tend to stay away from everyone as well, so I don't annoy them. I just cut contact with people altogether. On holiday I'll feel really happy, because I'm not around anyone. If people text me, ask me to meet up with them I'll just completely ignore the message.

The only time I talk to people is when I'm forced, like university. Even then I'll try to avoid everyone as much as possible. I hate clubs and drinking, I hate loud people. I just hate everyone my age. The only people I like are people who keep themselves to themselves.

Or maybe this is all from lack of experience? When I was a kid I was bullied, and never had friends at all. I've never had a friend once in my life. I've never fancied a girl because I just stay away from them. Even if I did fancy someone I wouldn't think of flirting, or asking them on a date. It's like all these social rules just don't happen with me.

What is this? Does anyone know?


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## Therin (Aug 12, 2014)

I don't think you should ignore other people's messages... even though you may not have attachments to other people that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings. Just tell them you don't want to hang out with people?

I get into that mentality where I feel like it's best to be by myself too, and I felt my conversations with people at university were forced as well (even though I did not want them to feel that way.)

Not sure is there is a label for what you're describing, but it sounds like you conditioned yourself not to want or need social things. Do you think it's a problem or are you alright with the way you are?


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## Justlittleme (Oct 21, 2013)

maybe you're just upset.


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## parabolarbear (Aug 3, 2014)

You are not an ***, your are just honest. But I think maybe your question shouldn't be - 'Why do I hate conversation?' But rather - 'What about a conversation do I hate?' And also, 'Which conversation would I perhaps not hate?'

The first question asks for a psychological assessment; a _passive_ what is _wrong_ with me? Perhaps that which is the error, or at least a way to frame the error, is not you but the people in your culture. The suggested second and third questions, asks rather for the subtlety of understanding; an uncovering of a phenomena; whose answers opens up to a more_ creative, active,_ encounter.

For instance: 'Say it is not conversation, per se, you hate, but the boredom it entails, or the stupidity of the speakers, or the pressure of delivering a point of interest up to your own standards. In any such cases the naturally following questions of a 'what can I do about that? nature, would empower you, and not analyze you. Or say there exists certain enriching, inspiring, challenging, conversation partners/topics of interests, it is just that they aren't currently drifting about in your surroundings for you to encounter: 'Where would you go to find them?' 'How could you change a conversation to your own benefit?' These are just examples.

In any case you would probably do well to second guess your own immediate responses to whichever questions posed, and to reflect and asses the motives of your own mind in answering them.


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## MissKarlie (May 2, 2014)

Therin said:


> I don't think you should ignore other people's messages... even though you may not have attachments to other people that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings. Just tell them you don't want to hang out with people?
> 
> I get into that mentality where I feel like it's best to be by myself too, and I felt my conversations with people at university were forced as well (even though I did not want them to feel that way.)
> 
> Not sure is there is a label for what you're describing, but it sounds like you conditioned yourself not to want or need social things. Do you think it's a problem or are you alright with the way you are?


I get really lonely and miserable a lot. But I hate the idea of talking to others so much. I have conflicting thoughts. I think it's a problem though, I don't want to be alone forever.


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## SpiderInTheCorner (Aug 10, 2014)

so you are outgoing but you are not sociable. people are drawn to you even though you hate the idea of talking to them. that's very strange. problem could be with being bullied
and not developing social skills early in life. 

but then again people seem to like you for who you are but you are probably afraid to be rejected by them once they get to know you a little bit better.

true or not?


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## kamwbe (Aug 12, 2014)

*I can relate*

I realized in first grade that I didn't fit in and decided if others didn't like me I would like myself. That worked for me for a long time. My greatest relationships were with past thinkers and writers like Dostoyevski, Socrates or Walter Scott. Compared to these people the people around me were boring. But I've hit the wall and can no longer go on in this way. I need face to face contacts with real contemporary people. I'm going to try doing one on one tutoring for the adult literacy project locally. I'm going to become active again in my religion. I think you need to look ahead at where your behaviour is leading you and take steps to avoid coming to the bad place I am currently in.


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## Draconis (Jul 24, 2014)

I'm absolutely the same OP. I live alone for 8 years now. No friends or acquaintances for that matter.But it's by my choice, and unlike most people here I'm not shy or anxious around new people. In Fact I'm totally fine with talking up strangers. I like to talk about myself or the things I enjoy way too much, and I have complete disinterest in other people experience, personal information, hobbies etc.
Many people here struggle with loneliness , but I find it most suitable and pleasant state of being.I don't have to share anything , no one wants or needs me to do anything beyond my capacities, like empathy. I loose interest in the new people I meet almost instantly after our initial conversation. I avoid loud places and people like the plague, they are extremely exhausting. The thing is people are confusing , they have little subtleties that go right over my head.
So basically, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, since I don't think there is anything wrong with me. You seem to be searching for someone who's like you. You should know that you're not alone.


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