# Lunch time problems



## Raspberriexx (Dec 3, 2014)

So there's 2 places to eat lunch at my workplace. A place behind some shelves near to the bosses office with fridge and 2 tables only, and another big room where's kitchen and many tables. I have always eaten in this small place, and in the last 4 weeks there has been no one else eating than me. I thought it's great, i'm an outcast there and no one talks to me anyways even if i sat in same table as them. But i'm starting to feel weird about it, bosses see i always eat alone and sometimes people ask why i don't eat in that other, bigger place where everyone else eats.

So i'm wondering should i also go to the place where everyone else eats? I dunno whose table to sit there because no one really likes me. Also i have shaky hands when eating around many people, so i would always have to be taking beta blockers before lunch... Which is better, eat alone and be seen as a weirdo or take betablockers and sit in table with people who don't like me?


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## thunderface (Nov 25, 2014)

Lunches are HORRIBLE in that situation. In my last job, we had a tiny canteen and all the colleagues I couldn't stand used to have the same lunch hour as me. I would have to walk 20 minutes just to get to a bus shelter (one no-one ever used) and then eat my lunch in there alone. THEN I'd have to walk back (another 20 minutes.) So my lunch hours were actually more like 20 minutes, but it was worth it to have some time away from the idiots. 

Don't change your behaviour because you feel you should. Spend your lunch however the hell you choose. It's hard enough working with others all day, you deserve a break where you don't have to worry about others looking/judging/speaking to you.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I personally would stay where I am, but if you want to get out of your comfort zone go for it.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

Lunch times at our place are horrible. We don't any 'official' time as such and only get half an hour. We just stop for lunch when we want. However if our 'pod' (four desks/workstations together in a square - there's two in our office) is on phone duty in the afternoon, it's a case of simply grabbing something between calls. Therefore you never really stop during the day at all. Don't answer the phone and at least two of the women in the office will start kicking off and look at you in disgust. Yet these expect their break when it's their turn on the phones in the afternoon...

You have three options of where to eat. At your desk - which as above, means you don't really get a proper break at all. If a boss comes in and starts handing work to you, you feel compelled to stop eating and get on with work. The second option is to go downstairs into the warehouse canteen which basically contains a desk, six chairs and a small window. It's never empty whenever I've been in there (feel awkward considering it's not really meant for office staff) and it's always freezing cold even with the door closed. When it's open to the warehouse, you could almost see frost forming on the table and chairs as you sit there. The third option is to basically leave the building and sit in your car. This is okay in the summer, but not even a consideration in the winter.

I absolutely hate it.

Lunch times were nicer in my last job. We had a full hour and as I lived less than two miles away, drove home, has 35/40 minutes rest and then drove back.


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

We get a half hour lunch and 2 15 minute breaks.
The office building has a parking lot in the basement that some workers will walk laps around. 
I tend to go when no one else in my department is for my breaks.
For lunch we have a break room but most people in the office eat at their desks. I use the break room. So few people use it, there's just one person at each of the 6 small tables, and it's library-quiet.

So the breaks are awkward because I'm alone but that's not that bad considering how it could be.


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

Raspberriexx said:


> So there's 2 places to eat lunch at my workplace. A place behind some shelves near to the bosses office with fridge and 2 tables only, and another big room where's kitchen and many tables. I have always eaten in this small place, and in the last 4 weeks there has been no one else eating than me. I thought it's great, i'm an outcast there and no one talks to me anyways even if i sat in same table as them. But i'm starting to feel weird about it, bosses see i always eat alone and sometimes people ask why i don't eat in that other, bigger place where everyone else eats.
> 
> So i'm wondering should i also go to the place where everyone else eats? I dunno whose table to sit there because no one really likes me. Also i have shaky hands when eating around many people, so i would always have to be taking beta blockers before lunch... Which is better, eat alone and be seen as a weirdo or take betablockers and sit in table with people who don't like me?


Can you eat at your desk? Are there set lunch times?


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## Raspberriexx (Dec 3, 2014)

wmu'14 said:


> Can you eat at your desk? Are there set lunch times?


I don't do office work, we don't have any desks. Only these 2 places i mentioned are where i can eat


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

Raspberriexx said:


> I don't do office work, we don't have any desks. Only these 2 places i mentioned are where i can eat
> 
> *sometimes people ask why i don't eat in that other, bigger place where everyone else eats.*


When people ask you about eating alone, take that as a between-the-lines invitation you can't refuse and just flat out tell them you're wanting to eat at their table today.

Maybe just even go into the large room without someone bringing it up. Do you have a cell phone? Just whip that out and play on it. At a factory I worked at one summer, I even just acted busy on my internet-less flip-phone that only got texting. I'd just scroll through the settings or write notes to myself.

Find a quieter table in the large room and sit there.

So I'd say don't continue sitting in the room by yourself.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

You should eat with everyone else. When I worked, I would just go to my car and cry during lunch.


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## ctbooty (Feb 1, 2015)

You should eat with everyone else. You'll see that you'll be accepted and that you had nothing to fear. Thats the biggest step.


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## buutenks (Mar 15, 2012)

Here;s a tip for future work.Always stay with the grp,eat with them etc say hi or how are u all.This is a must in a work situation,u must do this or you proly wont spend much time at that job since people will think u dislike them.I used to do that at first,but my second job or third well anyways my last job i was social with the people,which was a plus,they like u and all is cool.


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## GloomyTracy (Jan 17, 2015)

When I first started, I would eat lunch in my car, until my boss walked out one day and asked me in more-or-less words to eat indoors from now on.

What I do now is I eat lunch before the others do, if they stop and have lunch at 12-noon daily, then I start my lunch around 11:45 and am finishing up when they start. 

I always remain standing when eating, this way I can move quickly to seek privacy. I eat at my little work station, I do not use break rooms, I do not use lunch rooms, and if anyone at work asks me about it, I just shrug it off, I don't explain any actions or tricks I employ to shield me from anxiety.


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## Raspberriexx (Dec 3, 2014)

I just couldnt go to eat where others do. How do i get myself there? 

I dunno whose table to sit and i'm not good at talking in a group... especially if they hate me.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

Thats a tough situation you are in. I would just bite the bullet myself one day if I was you and make an effort to sit with other people. Although I know it is easier said then done.


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## keithjm (Apr 25, 2014)

In 25 years of work, I have always eaten alone. The few times when I was forced to eat with coworkers it was such a bad experience that I declared I would never do it again. I also have sworn to never again go to any offsite event. I tried for 20 years and it only got worse each time. It is a surreal feeling when you are in a business social situation and everyone is talking and having a good time while you are completely ignored. The detachment from the event is like watching a movie--you are there but no one sees you or hears you--but they do avoid bumping into you. And when you try to start a conversation, it lasts a minute, then they meet someone else and say goodbye and you are alone again. I have the power to part the seas of people. All I have to do is walk across a room and everyone will move away from me and mingle with everyone else.


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## Raspberriexx (Dec 3, 2014)

So i went to eat in the place where others do.. They didn't seem to mind i was in their table, but i was too nervous to join in their conversation and just kept browsing my phone quietly. Should i do it again?


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## wmu'14 (Sep 17, 2010)

Raspberriexx said:


> So i went to eat in the place where others do.. They didn't seem to mind i was in their table, but i was too nervous to join in their conversation and just kept browsing my phone quietly.


That's the way!



Raspberriexx said:


> Should i do it again?


Most definitely.

The struggle I have sometimes is looking too clingy. I'd probably do it for a week or so and then go back to the old eating area for a couple days, then return to this main lunchroom, just so I don't appear too depended/clingy/wanting to fit in. But I don't know about that. I'm a screw-up socially.



GloomyTracy said:


> When I first started, I would eat lunch in my car, until my boss walked out one day and asked me in more-or-less words to eat indoors from now on.


Ouch



keithjm said:


> I have the power to part the seas of people. All I have to do is walk across a room and everyone will move away from me and mingle with everyone else.


Oooooh!
Love this quote!

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I just hate the idea that employers pretty much require their workers to eat with each other.


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## agaW919 (Jan 27, 2015)

I can so relate to this. We can take our breaks and lunch when we want so I always wait until the break room is empty and then go in. The water fountain is there as well and i just HATE it when someone comes in to get water while im eating. We exchange hellos and then its the awkward silence and just the sound of water filling their cup. So uncomfortable! Sometimes this one lady eats lunch with me and she's nice. I noticed im usually ok eating lunch with one person if they are nice and approachable but if theres more people i get very nervous. I cant participate in group conversations whatsoever. I always get super self conscious and think i have nothing interesting to say.


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

I say continue trying to integrate into the big lunchroom if it's at all tolerable to you. The longer you stay in the other room, the harder it will be to make the switch and the more self-conscious you'll become - trust me I speak from experience. Once these become long-term habits, they are really hard to break. Even if you're quiet in the big room, you wont stick out as much as if you're in the other room alone. Hopefully you'll gradually get more comfortable with it.


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## NotLovedRejected (Sep 21, 2014)

Raspberriexx said:


> So there's 2 places to eat lunch at my workplace. A place behind some shelves near to the bosses office with fridge and 2 tables only, and another big room where's kitchen and many tables. I have always eaten in this small place, and in the last 4 weeks there has been no one else eating than me. I thought it's great, i'm an outcast there and no one talks to me anyways even if i sat in same table as them. But i'm starting to feel weird about it, bosses see i always eat alone and sometimes people ask why i don't eat in that other, bigger place where everyone else eats.
> 
> So i'm wondering should i also go to the place where everyone else eats? I dunno whose table to sit there because no one really likes me. Also i have shaky hands when eating around many people, so i would always have to be taking beta blockers before lunch... Which is better, eat alone and be seen as a weirdo or take betablockers and sit in table with people who don't like me?


^^ Wow, quite interesting that your office has several locations for employees to eat.

Within my company, we only have one break room on each department floor.

I don't mind eating in those break rooms, as most of them have TV's, and most of the co-workers are good to talk to (but depends on the shift hour, and which floor/dept I am assigned to work in, some of the co-workers are, eck!) during my lunch or dinner break.

Depending on my mood, sometimes I eat in the cafeteria area and eat alone, and other days, I sneak away from the department I am assigned to, and go to another floor and eat in their break room.

Ironically, since we have to "rotate" our lunch or dinner breaks often, so that there is enough employees in the department, there have been many times I eat alone. The good part is that there is some peace and quiet time to myself, to relieve some stress. LOL!


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

I used to eat in my car, listen to the radio, and enjoy the change of scenery. Granted, I knew it would probably be better to eat in Employee Dining but that rarely happened.


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