# It been a while



## Lioninthenight (Apr 28, 2007)

I have been off the net for the last year and a half or so and have been unable to keep up with the posts here, but my thoughts and prayers have been with you all. 
Last time I talked to you all my life was seemingly in shambles. I had just lost my home, owed lots of money in the process, and was so distressed I guess I had become a burden to my gal pal at the time, so she ultimately dumped me which made me that much more depressed. My friends(what few I kept in touch with) didn't understand whyy I was so stand offish and aloof. My family had never seen me so out of touch, and I was so confused and overwhelmed simply coming onto SAS and typing my thoughts was an impossible task. I sat at my friends house alone, destitute, and wishing I had never been born. No doubt you all can sympathize. I remember asking God what the hell He wanted from me? "What have I done to deserve this turmoil?" For a long time I couldn't figure it out. 
I went to work where thankfully all I had to do was stand in a trailer and load conveyable boxes onto trucks. Very little need to socialize but it was still torture because the job became so redundent that I began to think non stop about my problems which only made my anxiety all the worse, and this is just the summary of things I was dealing with. Someday i'll give you all the book. ;-)
One day a guy at work and I started talking. Of course I wasn't much for talking but there was something about this guy that just told me he cared; even if just a little. We discovered that we enjoyed reading similar books. He told me that I should check out "The Richest Man Who Ever Lived" by Steven K. Scott. At the time I was on a tight budget and it took months to be able to buy it. Finally I was able to get it and lets just say that this book got me to take my mind off of things I was worried about, and more concerned with others and their struggles. It wasn't an overnight fix but looking back it was a focus change that had to happen. It also got me to independently study several books of The Bible especially the Book of Proverbs from a spiritual perspective as well as philosophically.
Since then i've experienced mental, even spiritual shifts and times that make me realize that we're not here to be the greatest, or even neccessarily liked by others. Jesus even said that "it's the sick that need doctors, not the healthy". 
Anyway, back on topic this guy and I became good friends, talked about some of our inner turmoils and to this day i'm grateful to him and to God for getting me out of my own head. Even to this day I tend to be stand offish and aloof but it gets used towards a common purpose rather than endless worry and cynicism. I spend alot of time researching news and studying the Bible, and even other religions in an effort to understand people more. 
One of the things i've come to understand is that people with SA are really misunderstood. We see the world through a different lens. We worry about our communities, our countries, even our planet while everyone else just talks like the only point of view that matters is theirs. We ask ourselves why while others say "who the hell cares!" We contemplate daily the things that many are afraid to admit. Hell, God gave us all two ears, two eyes, and only one mouth for a reason. Think about it. Maybe; just maybe we are the ones who are to be commended for how we live our lives while the rest of the world dances, beats it's chest, and says "Look at me! I'm the greatest!" We look at them and say "so your the greatest??? who really cares??
This really started out to be a triumph thread; but I guess I got slightly scatter brained. Another common but important trait of the SAer. 
Bottom line friends. The guy that recommended the book and offered simple friendship, and encouragement with no strings attached was a God send to me. I hope and pray that I or somebody can do the same for you reading this thread. 
The email is [email protected] Feel free to email anytime. 
Thanks for letting me rant. Ya'll are the greatest. God Bless..


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

It sounds like you went through a really bad time of it. But really glad to know in the end you found some good support and came through it. Your experience goes to show 
that even in really tough situations it is possible to discover light at the end of the tunnel and overcome troubles. Many thanks for sharing it! And glad that things are now better for you.


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## calexandre (Apr 10, 2009)

Kudos for finding yourself again after that turmoil. It is not easy to go through what you did!


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## Lioninthenight (Apr 28, 2007)

Difficult times indeed. I'm better for having dealt with it. Happy Easter to you all. Talk to you soon.


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## soundofsilence (Apr 3, 2009)

Thank you for posting such a positive thread! I think we SA sufferers really need to be told good things about ourselves more often. Too many people make us feel like we're not worthwhile. So thank you for doing that.


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## Lioninthenight (Apr 28, 2007)

No problem soundofsilence. Thanks to you and all SAers for having the courage to be different even if it seems painful. We're stronger than we realize. ;-)


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## Lioninthenight (Apr 28, 2007)

Just a bump for my personal story. My hope and prayer is for you all to overcome the anxious thoughts, scattermindedness, and feelings of inadequacy. PM me, email me, or visit my myspace at myspace.com/daveydreamer 
See you around..


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## Lioninthenight (Apr 28, 2007)

Amazing when you look thru posts from years ago and see all the things that you have been thru, and somehow overcame. Things picked up as I met a great woman, and we became blessed with twin boys. Things were on the up and up until suddenly my father passed away in Oct 2010. The only light at the end of that tunnel (besides him going to the heavenly light) was inheritance money that enabled my wife and kids to purchase a home in East Tennessee. We quickly learned that a great looking home comes with lots of work and fix ups. We muscled thru it somehow though. 
Then came Nov 2012. I suffered a brain aneurysm, and 3 sub-sequent strokes after the aneurysm ruptured. Spent 7wks in the hospital, and another 5wks at home recovering. Miraculously I returned to work and was able to do much of the things I was able to do before the strokes. Accept being only 34 years old I feel like I aged 20 years during that time, and with the new found feeling of inadequacies, and sluggishness; the social anxiety has reared its ugly head in a big way. 
I don't hide around the house or anything, but trying to be one of the fellows is harder than ever. Day by day I slowly improve, but its almost like Michael Jordan losing an arm and trying to dunk again. Will probably never be the same. 
Well got the latest off my chest. Thanks for being here to listen, read, and relate.
God is good, but sometimes He is all the good we can find..


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## coming home (Feb 24, 2014)

Lioninthenight said:


> I have been off the net for the last year and a half or so and have been unable to keep up with the posts here, but my thoughts and prayers have been with you all.
> Last time I talked to you all my life was seemingly in shambles. I had just lost my home, owed lots of money in the process, and was so distressed I guess I had become a burden to my gal pal at the time, so she ultimately dumped me which made me that much more depressed. My friends(what few I kept in touch with) didn't understand whyy I was so stand offish and aloof. My family had never seen me so out of touch, and I was so confused and overwhelmed simply coming onto SAS and typing my thoughts was an impossible task. I sat at my friends house alone, destitute, and wishing I had never been born. No doubt you all can sympathize. I remember asking God what the hell He wanted from me? "What have I done to deserve this turmoil?" For a long time I couldn't figure it out.
> I went to work where thankfully all I had to do was stand in a trailer and load conveyable boxes onto trucks. Very little need to socialize but it was still torture because the job became so redundent that I began to think non stop about my problems which only made my anxiety all the worse, and this is just the summary of things I was dealing with. Someday i'll give you all the book. ;-)
> One day a guy at work and I started talking. Of course I wasn't much for talking but there was something about this guy that just told me he cared; even if just a little. We discovered that we enjoyed reading similar books. He told me that I should check out "The Richest Man Who Ever Lived" by Steven K. Scott. At the time I was on a tight budget and it took months to be able to buy it. Finally I was able to get it and lets just say that this book got me to take my mind off of things I was worried about, and more concerned with others and their struggles. It wasn't an overnight fix but looking back it was a focus change that had to happen. It also got me to independently study several books of The Bible especially the Book of Proverbs from a spiritual perspective as well as philosophically.
> ...


 Anyone who thinks they are the greatest are the least in reality.
Thank you for sharing


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