# My boyfriend got me fired



## Batty

Hello internet...I'm new to this site, and just wanted to vent. I'd also like some advice, I guess.

I'm 20 years old. I'm turning 21 sometime next month. I got fired from my 2nd job on Friday, February 28...but it wasn't my fault, it was my boyfriend's doing.
From June-December 31, I was a Shuttle driver. Then I had to step down due to anxiety.
This is important: In December, right after Christmas, I got sick. When I get sick, I'm sick for a long time. I missed 3 days in a row and my boss wasn't happy. I was throwing up constantly, couldn't breathe, had a fever, and couldn't stop shaking. I'm pretty sure it was just the flu, but my job was to drive (a lot of) people home or to work. You can't do that when you're puking constantly. When I came back to work, my boss sat me down and told me I can't be missing work like this. I just stayed quiet unless he asked me a direct question, then I would only half-answer it. That Monday, I didn't want to go to work because I was still throwing up, and the thought of going back to work made it worse, so needless to say, I was pissed when I was there. I told him I could no longer shuttle drive people, as it was making my stress and anxiety levels so high. I would be driving to work after dropping someone off, and then I'd get 4 phone calls from other coworkers that I needed to give 10 more people rides when I came back, and then I'd have a full-on panic attack, and have to park somewhere until I calmed down...I was encouraged to speed, talk on my cell phone while driving, and I had to deal with horrible customers on a daily basis. I was supposed to answer the phone, too, but my social anxiety prevented me from doing that. I would try to answer the phone, but I'd hang up just as soon as it rang...
Then comes Friday.
It started like a normal day. I miraculously dragged my sorry *** out of bed, like I'd been doing for 9 months. I went to work. For once my boss was there on time, and I was actually in a good mood! I felt pretty good. I was doing my work, but instead of dragging it out and doing it slowly, I finished everything in record time. Then my boss sits me down and talks to me.
Apparently when my boyfriend and him went to buy drinks(boss would buy them in bulk and sell them back to us at cost)my boyfriend had a small 'break down' and started confessing all these things to our boss. Since my hours got cut in half, we haven't been able to afford anything other than rent and electricity. He also told him that I hate my job. And although that is true, hate or not, I needed that ****ing paycheck. He should know, we live together and he does all of our finances. My boss had been asking on weekly basis if I was happy the answer was always "I'm fine". The truth is, I really hated that job, it was the bane of my existence. BUT IT WAS THE ONLY ****ING THING THAT GOT ME OUT OF THE ****ING HOUSE. Now I have no reason to get up in the morning, and I'm so angry at my boyfriend.

The job was going poorly, and had always been a poor fit. When my boyfriend got a job there, he quickly learned about the job I got hired for. I told him that I didn't want anything to do with it because it involved being in very close quarters with people I didn't know, talking to them and generally functioning like a normal human being, which is not something I'm capable of. But I applied and got the job anyways.
From day one I knew this job was a very poor fit, and I was planning on quitting sometime this week. But no. I don't get that satisfaction. My boyfriend instead, told my boss I hate my job, and then my boss fired me. I don't ever get a say in how things go in my life...


When I asked my boyfriend what unearthly demon possessed him to tell my boss, he said he was tired of seeing me be miserable. Now that I don't have a job that I dread, I'm supposed to be happy. He told me he doesn't want to see me depressed when he comes home from work. This weekend was exhausting, I had to pretend all was well. I'm so depressed....He'll be home in about 2 hours, or more, and I'm dreading it so much. I think he did this to help me, but all the voices in my head are trying to convince me he did it because he wants to see me suffer and the only reason he's still with me is because of the sex.
He got a massive pay raise because his coworker quit on Friday, so I guess we don't have to worry about money.
What should I do? I'm so angry and confused right now. I feel like this is the universe telling me to go ahead and end it all. I don't ever want another job again. Happiness doesn't exist.

I work in an at-will state, which means I can be fired if my boss doesn't like the way I tie my shoes. I have no job security.


----------



## Steinerz

Sucks. Find another job I guess?


----------



## Batty

I haven't been able to leave my apartment to walk either of my two dogs all day. Let alone brush my hair or eat anything.


----------



## caelle

I think he was totally out of line for what he did. You're not a child, you can make your own decisions. And if you want to stay at a job that makes you miserable, then he should respect that. Or at the very least, let you quit on your own terms and when you feel ready to.

I really think you should talk to him about this and tell him how you feel. Maybe not now, like when you are more relaxed. He definitely needs to know that what he did was not ok.

I don't know what you should do about finding more employment. I know how difficult that is. I haven't even tried looking for a job in so long. Maybe give yourself time to get over this situation first so you don't stress yourself out too much.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

Yeah that really sucks. You should leave him and get a better job. You deserve better.


----------



## Batty

I already talked to him about this. He told me it's because he knew I wasn't going to say anything to my boss, and he didn't think my boss would just up and fire me. My boyfriend thought my boss would talk to me, like a normal human being.

My boss told my boyfriend that he let me lead the conversation, and I decided I wanted to be fired on my own. That is literally what he told him.

I can't help but feel the only reason he fired me was because I wouldn't answer the phone or make phone calls unless I absolutely had to...


----------



## Lifeofanartist

Wow what a betrayal! Your bf really was out of line.

Is your bf working?


----------



## Batty

Yeah, he's working...He'll be home in about an hour.

I'm trying so hard not to be mad at him. I mean, it's not like he just walked up to my boss and said "Batty hates her job, you should fire her." And I don't know if I made it clear enough or not but we worked at the same place, so it's not like he left his job to do this...
And I did tell my boyfriend I was thinking about killing myself a lot while I was working there, so I think he was afraid I would and so he stepped in?


----------



## Batty

I'd like to add that the only reason I was working here is because of money problems
That's why I didn't quit, because we couldn't have afforded it...


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Hopefully you can try and find another job that's a better fit. I think your boyfriend probably did it because he cares about you and maybe got a bit desperate to see you happy. I think you should actually talk to him about the whole situation.



Batty said:


> This weekend was exhausting, I had to pretend all was well. I'm so depressed....He'll be home in about 2 hours, or more, and I'm dreading it so much. I think he did this to help me, but all the voices in my head are trying to convince me he did it because he wants to see me suffer and the only reason he's still with me is because of the sex.
> He got a massive pay raise because his coworker quit on Friday, so I guess we don't have to worry about money.
> What should I do? I'm so angry and confused right now. I feel like this is the universe telling me to go ahead and end it all. I don't ever want another job again. Happiness doesn't exist.
> 
> I work in an at-will state, which means I can be fired if my boss doesn't like the way I tie my shoes. I have no job security.


This part seems particularly worrying though to me, you shouldn't be hiding how you feel about this from your partner especially when it's clearly made you so upset. Is there any concrete reason you think he's just using you for sex? Or do you think that's possibly just an irrational thought? I feel like it's probably the latter.

If your anxiety is so bad maybe you could try getting professional help of some kind?


----------



## Batty

Persephone The Dread said:


> Hopefully you can try and find another job that's a better fit. I think your boyfriend probably did it because he cares about you and maybe got a bit desperate to see you happy. I think you should actually talk to him about the whole situation.
> 
> This part seems particularly worrying though to me, you shouldn't be hiding how you feel about this from your partner especially when it's clearly made you so upset. Is there any concrete reason you think he's just using you for sex? *Or do you think that's possibly just an irrational thought?* I feel like it's probably the latter.
> 
> *If your anxiety is so bad maybe you could try getting professional help of some kind?*


It's probably just irrational, because my mom was a rape victim, and she beat it into my head as a kid that sex is the only thing men want from women.

And that's just not an option. I'm not going to let them lock me up in a padded cell or hold me overnight for any sort of mandatory evaluation.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Batty said:


> It's probably just irrational, because my mom was a rape victim, and she beat it into my head as a kid that sex is the only thing men want from women.
> 
> And that's just not an option. I'm not going to let them lock me up in a padded cell or hold me overnight for any sort of mandatory evaluation.


Wow I'm sorry to hear that. And I didn't mean like that, but some kind of therapy or something? I know the healthcare situation in the US is pretty crappy though so not sure what options you have available.


----------



## Batty

Persephone The Dread said:


> Wow I'm sorry to hear that. And I didn't mean like that, but some kind of therapy or something? I know the healthcare situation in the US is pretty crappy though so not sure what options you have available.


I'm just **** outta luck. There's no help for people like me in the US. I basically can try to kill myself, fail, end up in the hospital and maybe get help that way, or sit here in self-loathing pity. I have no option.

Unless I don't want to pay rent, electricity, or any other bill.

2 years ago I broke my foot and the doctors said I'd need surgery. I'm in a lot of pain still and can't afford to do anything about it.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Batty said:


> I'm just **** outta luck. There's no help for people like me in the US. I basically can try to kill myself, fail, end up in the hospital and maybe get help that way, or sit here in self-loathing pity. I have no option.
> 
> Unless I don't want to pay rent, electricity, or any other bill.
> 
> 2 years ago I broke my foot and the doctors said I'd need surgery. I'm in a lot of pain still and can't afford to do anything about it.


well are there any jobs that you think would be more comfortable for you? and maybe you could try and find some online resources (there's quite a lot of stuff people have linked on this forum before actually) to help aid you in overcoming some of your anxiety. Perhaps just focus with practical stuff first like overcoming your fear of answering phones bit by bit so you could do that in jobs you get later.

I know it'll sound like an impossible feat right now, but you've got to work at things bit by bit.


----------



## Batty

Persephone The Dread said:


> *well are there any jobs that you think would be more comfortable for you?* and maybe you could try and find some online resources (there's quite a lot of stuff people have linked on this forum before actually) to help aid you in overcoming some of your anxiety. Perhaps just focus with practical stuff first like overcoming your fear of answering phones bit by bit so you could do that in jobs you get later.
> 
> I know it'll sound like an impossible feat right now, but you've got to work at things bit by bit.


No, not at all. My boyfriend and ex-boss have made it clear to me that dream jobs do not exist, and even if they do, are too much of a pipe dream.

The only thing that would make me comfortable is only having to work with one client at a time, and at my pace, not anyone else's. It doesn't exist.
Kinda like happiness


----------



## Batty

Just an update if anyone is subscribed to this or whatever idfk

So I took my boyfriend some lunch today, 'cause I was in the area and he was hungry, and apparently my boss has been telling people I quit. Is this normal? He fired me. It wasn't my choice to leave, although I was planning on quitting.

Some of the higher-ups found out that I was fired when I told them, and they're pissed. They were told I quit. Haha, my ex-boss is going to get yelled at. Take that, douchebag!


----------



## MaxAnxiety

you should at least be able to get unemployment since you were fired (as opposed to quitting)


----------



## BKLD

Geez, what a mess...

I don't think there's anything I can say or do right now that'll help, since I'm not exactly in a good place myself and I'm currently looking though the black tinted glasses. Just hang in there. I also think that you should try to find professional help. I know that the healthcare system sucks, and I know that treatment is never one size fits all, but gems do exist out there.


----------



## Sacrieur

He can't fire you for having anxiety.


----------



## Batty

Sacrieur said:


> He can't fire you for having anxiety.


Since I live in the USA and work in an at-will state, I can be fired for any reason, including none at all. I could go to work and be wearing mis-matched socks, and get fired. There are obvious exceptions to this rule, like discrimination clauses and what not, and even if depression and I'm pretty sure anxiety are protected under the Americans with Disability Acts (ADA), I can still loose my job if my 'reasonable accommodations' create hardships for the company.

-deep inhale-

Also it's worth noting that I wasn't fired solely for my anxiety- I know it's an underlying reason that my ex-boss gave me the boot, but he fired me for hating my job. Plain and simple. Even though I can think of 5 people down there, off the top of my head, who I know for sure hate their jobs, my ex-boss doesn't know that. He told me that he doesn't think that someone should do something they hate. Even if that's the only way they get to eat.


----------



## blueidealist26

Batty said:


> Just an update if anyone is subscribed to this or whatever idfk
> 
> So I took my boyfriend some lunch today, 'cause I was in the area and he was hungry, and apparently my boss has been telling people I quit. Is this normal? He fired me. It wasn't my choice to leave, although I was planning on quitting.
> 
> Some of the higher-ups found out that I was fired when I told them, and they're pissed. They were told I quit. Haha, my ex-boss is going to get yelled at. Take that, douchebag!


There might be a silver lining in this. If a future job calls for a reference, he may tell them you quit, which looks a bit better than you being fired. As long as he doesn't lie to unemployment about how you left, I don't think it's a huuuge deal.


----------



## Batty

blueidealist26 said:


> There might be a silver lining in this. If a future job calls for a reference, he may tell them you quit, which looks a bit better than you being fired. As long as he doesn't lie to unemployment about how you left, I don't think it's a huuuge deal.


I don't feel comfortable using him as a reference in the slightest...

If I tried to apply for unemployment, he'd make it his life's mission to make sure to tell them that I quit, and you can't get unemployment for that...

Then again I've only been on it once and I couldn't figure out how to work the damn site so I lost it, so I don't really know what I'm talking about


----------



## Batty

And now my loving boyfriend has informed me I can't just sit on the couch all day anymore.
Are you ****ing kidding me?

Thanks, I'd love to be doing something productive, like, I don't know, work, but YOU GOT ME FIRED YOU PIECE OF ****


----------

