# Why Do Some Women Treat Men Like Wimps?



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

*Disclaimer:

I sort of have a migraine and also have drunk some alcohol. I don't know if I will feel the same way tomorrow.*

*Also, I'm sorry if this sounds sexist, but I've never actually hit on a guy before so I'm just using my personal experience as an example because I can't pretend to know anything about something I've never experienced.
* 
Why are some women so afraid to tell a guy that they don't like them? It's almost like their egos are so huge that they think it's going to destroy the "poor guy" if they are honest with them up front.

So this type of avoiding guilt ends up leading the guy to think the girl likes them and he goes and makes an *** out of himself and then waits and waits for the girl to flirt back, but it never comes and the guy realizes he just wasted a huge chunk of time, effort, and patience on somebody who wasn't even interested that he could have spent on somebody who was. Then when it finally blows up in their face they use that to justify their avoidance thinking "good thing I didn't tell him straight up or he _really_ would have been frustrated."

I don't understand. Do women think that a guy is in love with them simply because they are hitting on her? And they complain about men having egos, lol. :roll

Even worse then that, like the case with my ex, she stayed with me for years, repeatedly told me she loved me, and even accepted my marriage proposal even though she admittingly never actually loved me. I'm a lot of other girls' type, but she kept me in chains just because she was lonely and she didn't want me with anyone else. All this time I genuinely loved her for who she was and cared about her. Then as soon as I introduced her to my friend she decides that she likes _him_ more and at the first half-baked excuse she leaves me and to avoid having to feel guilty about it she destroys my friendship with him, lies to her parents, her new friends, and probably herself to make it seem like _I_ was the bad guy when the truth is that the only reason I stopped treating her like a princess is because I could tell she had a crush on the only friend I had in this town along with the fact that I was going through so much pain and stress at the time (that she claims was being exaggerated and used as an excuse of course).

Anyway, I'm actually starting to appreciate those women who are honest and straightforward (and arguably mean) to guys they aren't into. It's almost like they have _less_ of an ego then those girls who lead men on.

Do you think that sometimes girls do this to men just to feed their own egos? They would never admit it of course, but I think on some level they feed off of making men suffer in a long drawn out way.


----------



## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

No, you came across as just fine and honest imho... and yes, some women do this to feed their ego, others do it because they don't want to be the bad person, to be the one hurting someone, some are just cowards... it is pretty delusional on their part.

I think that if you aren't attracted to someone or aren't interested you should be honest, straight up front and tell them so you aren't wasting their time and yours. If you can do this as soon as you know then the feelings haven't developed to the point where hearts are broken and hopes and dreams are crushed. The worst that happens in the very beginning is disappointment and maybe a blow to the ego... but if it is done in a nice way then maybe there can be a friendship in lieu of a relationship... either way no one has to get really hurt.

Personally I think it is just downright selfish and hurtful and mean to not tell someone if you aren't interested. I haven't been on many real dates but I did go on one this one time with a guy that I was not only not attracted to but he was not my type and we had nothing in common... he plain out annoyed me... he truly wasn't even someone I would have felt comfortable being friends with (and that is harsh)... but after our date I just told him I was sorry but there was nothing there for me for him but that I had a friend that he might like to go out with, I called her (he was definitely her type)... they hooked up and have been happy ever since.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing to be honest.

Also, this isn't just a woman thing... men do it too... I just had a guy date me for an entire year before he broke up with me because he couldn't get used to the attention and affection I was feeling for him... it took him a year to decide he couldn't get used to it. I honestly believe now that he never felt the attraction from the beginning but wanted the relationship so bad that he was 'trying to feel something' ... it would have been so much less hurtful if he had just said there was no chemistry for him with us in the beginning and if we had just been friends from the start instead of him letting me hope, dream and fall deeper and deeper in love with him for a full year before he broke up with me.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

caflme said:


> Also, this isn't just a woman thing... men do it too


I believe you, and thanks for the reply. I'm sorry you experienced it over the extremely long term too.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

So your ex did it, therefore all women do it. God, don't I just love threads like this. :roll

I know you're drunk, but, please, try to be reasonable.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Kelly said:


> So your ex did it, therefore *all* women do it. God, don't I just love threads like this. :roll
> 
> *I know you're drunk, but, please, try to be reasonable.*
> 
> ...


You might want to actually read it before _your_ sexism flares up and overflows out of your mouth.

Isn't the second thing sort of an oxymoron? Anyway, I'm not drunk. I have a migraine and a slight buzz.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Thomas Paine said:


> You might want to actually read it before _your_ sexism flares up and overflows out of your mouth.
> 
> Isn't the second thing sort of an oxymoron? Anyway, I'm not drunk. I have a migraine and a slight buzz.


I did read the whole thing. I stand by my original comments. This type of thread is old, tired, and wholly offensive. There are 18 million other ways you could have expressed the same sentiments without resorting to offensive and sexist generalizations, okay?

Have a nice day,
Kelly


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Kelly said:


> I did read the whole thing. I stand by my original comments. This type of thread is old, tired, and wholly offensive. There are 18 million other ways you could have expressed the same sentiments without resorting to offensive and sexist generalizations, okay?
> 
> Have a nice day,
> Kelly


And there are 18 million other threads you could have read besides this one, but you read it anyway and felt the need to respond in a criticizing way.

I wonder why that is?


----------



## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

I didn't read the entire thing but I got the jest of it. A lady that is smart and has class, has a way of telling the guy " No, I am not interested in dating" but would love to have you as a friend without making him feel rejected! An example would be I had this one guy like me but I was not interested in dating him. So when he had dropped enough clues that he liked me, I started asking his opinion on things. Like I was volunteering to teach 8th graders about economics and I asked him to look at the stuff I had to present and to tell me how he would present it. I thanked him for doing it and mentioned that I would of asked my boyfriend but I am not currently dating at this time. It was a win-win situation. He didn't feel rejected and I made a new friend and got another opinion on something I had to do.


----------



## Stanley (May 11, 2007)

Kelly said:


> So your ex did it, therefore all women do it.


Why Do *Some* Women Treat Men Like Wimps? 

But if I were to start this thread I would have used the world "all" :lol


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Because guys only go for the hot girls so they get burned.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I don't think this is a bad thread.

I think some women (note: some) don't like to hurt the guy if they don't feel attraction to him. So they lie and make up something in order to let them down easy. Unfortunately, this backfires sometimes, because us guys are clueless sometimes and think that she's still interested when she's not. 

The problem with telling the guy that she's not interested is that there are a lot of a**holes out there who will be cruel back and hurt the girl's feelings. Or they might get violent or abusive. It's scary what some of our gender is like, and I don't blame women for taking the easy way out. Unfortunately, it only ends up hurting the good guys.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

LoneLioness said:


> Because guys only go for the hot girls so they get burned.


I actually don't go for the girls that are generally considered "hot". A lot of times I get turned down because the girls I like have a prejudice against guys who have clear skin and take care of their bodies.

I think there is something else going on in my method of selection though. I think I like a challenge and smart,shy, cute girls are some of the most difficult girls to impress.

I really don't mind getting turned down though, it just bugs me when women treat me like I can't handle being turned down. It just sucks after you put yourself out there by hitting on her and then never get a response so you have to wonder if you embarrassed her in a good way or if she wants you to leave her alone.


----------



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Thomas Paine said:


> Do you think that sometimes girls do this to men just to feed their own egos? They would never admit it of course, but I think on some level they feed off of making men suffer in a long drawn out way.


Absolutely man... it's happened to me, and I've watched it happen dozens upon dozens of times to friends/acquaintences. And I'm not just talking about rejection; I'm talking about clear-cut cases of a woman "leading the man on" in such a way that it seems highly probable the goal was to feed her ego, not just to be nice. In several cases, the girl seemed to wait until she could make the biggest public spectacle possible out of her rejection of the guy, even after flirting with him for an extended period of time leading up to said rejection. My contact with girls my age is admittedly well below average, but I'd say a sizable percentage of the girls I know have done this to a guy at one point or another so far in college.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Thomas Paine said:


> And there are 18 million other threads you could have read besides this one, but you read it anyway and felt the need to respond in a criticizing way.
> 
> *I wonder why that is?*


It is important to speak out against bigotry and intolerance.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


----------



## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

Sorry but it is also important to speak the truth and talk about how you feel about things... everyone here is doing that. I think we all learn from threads like this and I personally, as a woman, have seen 'A LOT' of what these guys are talking about. 

There are a lot of clueless, heartless and selfish women out there that the a) don't give men enough credit b) are insecure about being honest or c) just want the attention to make them feel good.

The OP said SOME


----------



## whiterabbit (Jan 20, 2006)

Well, I may have inadvertently led a couple of people on because I _really_ had no idea they were interested. Once I realised I wasn't exactly straight to the point in rejecting them because I'm a huge coward and I'm not used to being confrontational. It had nothing to do with feeling guilty that I might hurt their feelings, because I knew they'd get over it in less than a second. It's just that it's an uncomfortable thing to do. Maybe this kind of thing would only happen with some people with SA, or similar characteristics to somebody with SA. Anyway, I went the route of being very stand-offish and quiet (not a huge effort) to give them a hint that I wasn't interested, rather than just saying outright "I'm not interested". Though if they asked me a direct question I would say "no". These weren't prolonged situations though. Except for one guy when I was 16 but I was young, it was the first time anybody had shown an interest in me, I didn't understand why, and I was having panic attacks over it because I didn't have a ****ing clue about any kind of normal human interaction rules.

For people who aren't as stupid as me, the reason may be that they feel that they're going to destroy the person who is asking. But I think those who are worried about hurting someone's feelings aren't necessarily arrogant people in general. Some do just want to feed their own egos, but others won't be consciously thinking about why they're doing it. I think. I don't know, I can't get inside their heads. But I tend to think sometimes it's a case of wanting to let somebody down gently, maybe not being quite sure of how to go about saying they're not interested, trying to pick a moment, maybe being a bit of a coward. It's a difficult thing to act perfectly all the time. Sometimes people do stupid things without meaning to be horrible. And other times people are just horrible on purpose. I don't know what the ratios are because I don't get out into the real world enough.


----------



## Mr. Frostie (Nov 2, 2008)

If a woman treats you like a wimp, she's not a good woman. Kick her to the curb!


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Thanks whiterabbit for the very insightful post, and thanks caflme for defending me while I slept off the majority of my hangover.

To Kelly: Please stop trolling my thread. I'm neither a bigot nor intolerant, even when I'm drunk. I'm sincerely curious as to why some women do this. You've somehow created this illusion on your own, I'm guessing because I am male and complained about *some* members of the opposite sex. Or maybe you are simply sexist? Now I think you are just trying to defend yourself instead of considering that maybe you were wrong. I realize that you've probably met a lot of sexist guys, but that doesn't mean you have to become reverse sexist.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Thomas Paine said:


> To Kelly: Please stop trolling my thread. I'm neither a bigot nor intolerant, even when I'm drunk. I'm sincerely curious as to why some women do this. You've somehow created this illusion on your own, I'm guessing because I am male and complained about *some* members of the opposite sex. Or maybe you are simply sexist? Now I think you are just trying to defend yourself instead of considering that maybe you were wrong. I realize that you've probably met a lot of sexist guys, but that doesn't mean you have to become reverse sexist.


I am simply quite adept at basic reading comprehension. I am also not an idiot. And I have read far, far too many threads such as these on this board to think that maybe I am mistaken. I'm sorry if you find my style too blunt, but sometimes the truth hurts. And my opinions can only be based upon the information you, yourself, have provided. :stu

Have a nice day,
Kelly


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Kelly said:


> I am simply quite adept at basic reading comprehension. I am also not an idiot. And I have read far, far too many threads such as these on this board to think that maybe I am mistaken. I'm sorry if you find my style too blunt, but sometimes the truth hurts. And my opinions can only be based upon the information you, yourself, have provided. :stu
> 
> Have a nice day,
> Kelly


LMAO, so you are judging me based on all the other posts you've read instead of based on my words and the fact that I've tried to explain my intentions.

I'm not going to respond to you anymore, so if you need the last word, go ahead.


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

I really hate to say this, but she treated you like a wimp because she thought you were a wimp. She didn't want to hurt your feelings. She was in control of the relationship and was getting bored. Girls want a man who can stand up to her and challenge her. They hate being worshiped by desperate guys. Once you start to get desperate they think they can do better. This goes both ways, guys do this to girls too. I guarantee she was looking for new guys well before she met your friend. She only stayed with you because you provided for her.

I know it's tough to hear, but I think it's the truth.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Redefine said:


> I really hate to say this, but she treated you like a wimp because she thought you were a wimp. She didn't want to hurt your feelings. She was in control of the relationship and was getting bored. Girls want a man who can stand up to her and challenge her. They hate being worshiped by desperate guys. Once you start to get desperate they think they can do better. This goes both ways, guys do this to girls too. I guarantee she was looking for new guys well before she met your friend. She only stayed with you because you provided for her.
> 
> I know it's tough to hear, but I think it's the truth.


With my ex it was actually a lot more complicated then this. I know that was part of the problem though. It's kind of weird because for some reason I always try to seem more desperate then I am, *on purpose*. I guess part of it is that I don't want to seem conceded because that is a huge turn off for the type of girls that I like too, and it seems mean. Another reason is that I don't want the girl to feel pressure to impress me. Another reason that I'm starting to realize though is that I kind of want to see if the girl is wise enough to see past desperation and see potential in a guy even when he's down on his luck. The reason for that is because being desperate happens to everyone at some point and it's not so much a permanent personality trait as it is a temporary situation. If a girl doesn't understand that, then what is going to keep her from dumping you at the first sign of "becoming a loser" instead of looking into ways to _help_ you succeed.

Sometimes it seems like you just can't do anything to win over my type of girl though. Maybe there is something wrong with me that affects who I am attracted to.


----------



## Jrock (Dec 16, 2008)

Kelly said:


> It is important to speak out against bigotry and intolerance.
> 
> Have a nice day,
> Kelly


Whats wrong with generalities?


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

Thomas Paine said:


> Sometimes it seems like you just can't do anything to win over my type of girl though


Why do you have to win over the girl? Why can't the girl try to win you over? Why can't you be the prize? Let the girl try to impress you, because you're worth it right?

Most girls know when they see a great catch. It's ok to show some weakness and insecurity. This means you're human and I'm sure girls must appreciate that. However, if this is an on-going thing and your needy all the time, it gets annoying to girls. Maybe you reached the point where it was just too much for her.

I hear a lot of guys complaining that girls don't like nice guys. That's not true. There's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, girls despise wimps. All they want is a man. A guy that is passionate about his values and stands up for himself and what he believes in.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Redefine said:


> Why do you have to win over the girl? Why can't the girl try to win you over? Why can't you be the prize?
> 
> Most girls know when they see a great catch. It's ok to show some weakness and insecurity. This means you're human and I'm sure girls must appreciate that. However, if this is an on-going thing and your needy all the time, it gets annoying to girls. Maybe you reached the point where it was just too much for her.
> 
> I hear a lot of guys complaining that girls don't like nice guys. That's not true. There's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, girls despise wimps. All they want is a man. A guy that is passionate about his values and stands up for himself and what he believes in.


I'm far from a wimp and I'm not needy either, although sometimes I think I probably appear as both because I don't care to put on a show of strength anymore. I've been through enough in my life to know that I can live through almost anything and come out of it if I try my hardest, so I don't feel the need to prove it to anyone else unless I'm trying to impress them. Also, I don't think all women are that way. Anyway, with my ex the problem was more that she saw my temporary yet fairly lengthy illness (migraines that I hadn't figured out how to manage yet) as a weakness, and I also accidentally made her jealous by visiting an ex-girlfriend of mine who seriously needed a friend to talk to and when everything spiraled out of control I was too worn down from the migraines to take her attitude so I pretty much ignored it but she found a way to make sure I couldn't ignore it. At least that's my take on the situation today. It varies day to day. Also, I don't want to share every detail, so I can understand how this is getting varied responses.

My main question has nothing to do with my ex though. Just about why some women treat men like they have such delicate egos, even if they don't really think that (sometimes maybe they treat us this way without meaning to). I have heard that a lot though about men's egos being so delicate, but I haven't heard it on this site, and it's not something I'm accusing anyone of unless they actually think that. In that case I would like to know what made them start thinking that way. My hunch is that it is a projection thing, *but I don't want to start a gender war. I'm sure both genders are guilty.*


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Kelly said:


> So your ex did it, therefore all women do it. God, don't I just love threads like this. :roll
> 
> I know you're drunk, but, please, try to be reasonable.
> 
> ...


kellys right not all women are like this. the ones that were born male are not like this


----------



## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

Why do some men treat women like tramps?


----------



## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

*Some* men treat women like tramps because their mom's were tramps, because their dad's exhibited bad traits and treated women like tramps, because they didn't know any decent women growing up to model decent female behavior for them while they were growing up and also because they get bitter as they hit relationship after relationship and are continually screwed over and hurt and used, discarded and further damaged. Sometimes men treat women like tramps because they behave like tramps, or because they are tramps...

The same reason *some* women treat men badly... because they grew up with moms that talked garbage about their dad's and other men, because their dad's were jerks, because they had no positive male role models or because as they grow up they are used, abused or treated badly by enough men that they have zero self-esteem and start to hate men and want to punish them... or they are just so screwed up that they don't even know what they are doing. We learn what we live.

Parents get one chance to NOT screw up their kids... but it happens every day that kids get the short end of the stick through divorce or dysfunctional upbringings and then we have more damaged people walking around.

JMHO


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Uh, yeah, ya knew this was coming!

****Thread Lock Watch****
Please keep this on the topic and no attacking.

There are some women who treat men like [email protected] because they do - problems with men growing up, bad experiences with tougher men, feminism, who knows?

Guys have also done this with women - ex. trophy women, Chauvinism, maternal role missing or downplayed, etc.

It's ALL unhealthy no matter how you slice it. If there is something wrong with the relationship, fix it or move on.


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

caflme said:


> *Some* men treat women like tramps because their mom's were tramps, because their dad's exhibited bad traits and treated women like tramps, because they didn't know any decent women growing up to model decent female behavior for them while they were growing up and also because they get bitter as they hit relationship after relationship and are continually screwed over and hurt and used, discarded and further damaged. Sometimes men treat women like tramps because they behave like tramps, or because they are tramps...
> 
> The same reason *some* women treat men badly... because they grew up with moms that talked garbage about their dad's and other men, because their dad's were jerks, because they had no positive male role models or because as they grow up they are used, abused or treated badly by enough men that they have zero self-esteem and start to hate men and want to punish them... or they are just so screwed up that they don't even know what they are doing. We learn what we live.
> 
> ...


I think this is absolutely true.

Also I think some guys treat some girls like tramps because those particular girls act like them. The same reason some girls treat some guys like wimps, because those particular guys act like wimps.

Thomas Paine, I reread your first post and saw that you were jealous when you thought she liked your friend. That's a sign of insecurity. Maybe that was the last straw. I mean did she end up with him?


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Redefine said:


> Thomas Paine, I reread your first post and saw that you were jealous when you thought she liked your friend. That's a sign of insecurity. Maybe that was the last straw. I mean did she end up with him?


She told me that she had a crush on him because I let her know that it didn't bother me if she told me about natural crushes she had on other guys as long as she was honest with me about it and didn't take it any further then that. I even asked her if she liked him more then me and she said she needed time to think about it (this is after accepting my marriage proposal). Then I accidentally caught her trying to sneak over to his house when she said she was going somewhere else.

She probably saw it as a sign of weakness that I "let" her have a crush on my friend. Who knows. I'm trying to put that all behind me. I don't know if she ended up with him or not because I don't pay any attention to either of them anymore. I sometimes get upset about it when I'm drunk, but I'm actually thankful that it's over most of the time.

Thanks for trying to help, but I really don't want to talk about this. The thing about some women treating men like wimps has to do with girls that I've been hitting on lately. My ex actually treated me like I could handle whatever she threw at me. Like I said, there are many many details I don't want to share.


----------



## Jrock (Dec 16, 2008)

Women will treat men like wimps if men allow it. Only one person can drive a car so your best to grab the keys or don't complain when you've gone in an opposite direction then you've intended


----------



## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

LoneLioness said:


> Because guys only go for the hot girls so they get burned.


Not always. The last girl I fell for I fell for largly because of her personality. Not that she wasn't very attractive but there were better looking girls in the room. Even if all those girls were interested in me I still would have picked her.


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

I can understand you not want to talk about it. It looks like a hard situation, I think you handled it well. Maybe she was afraid of commitment. Personally I don't like the whole marriage thing. I feel like humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Anyway it would have been a bad marriage if she went through with it if she felt the way she did. At least you know now and can move on. There are other girls out there man. For now just don't put all your eggs in one basket if you know what I mean.


----------



## Jrock (Dec 16, 2008)

Redefine said:


> I feel like humans weren't meant to be monogamous. .


Then why do humans feel jealousy if we weren't intended to be monogamous?


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

Jrock said:


> Then why do humans feel jealousy if we weren't intended to be monogamous?


People get jealous because they feel somehow insecure with _themselves_. You get jealous because you feel like your partner likes their new mate better than you and this hurts your ego. People get jealous of a lot of other things too. Say your friend gets a very high paying job and you're stuck washing windows or something. You'll get jealous because you feel somehow like your suddenly not as good and it hurts your ego.

If humans were meant to be monogamous, then why do people constantly get bored with relationships and cheat? Why do a lot of single people sleep around? Why don't we just like one person our whole life instead of having multiple interests over time? What about the 50% divorce rate?


----------



## Ununderstood (Jun 8, 2005)

Somen females who posted here need to listen more to Caflme; this womans posts are unbiased and well thought out.


----------



## hyacinth_dragon (Dec 28, 2008)

some men are just as big of wimps as women who can't tell a guy that they are not into them.


----------



## Ununderstood (Jun 8, 2005)

hyacinth_dragon said:


> some men are just as big of wimps as women who can't tell a guy that they are not into them.


This is true, though for the most part, women do it a lot more often and for longer periods of times than men.


----------



## miminka (May 10, 2009)

LoneLioness said:


> Because guys only go for the hot girls so they get burned.


Typically with the big egos.



Thomas Paine said:


> I don't understand. Do women think that a guy is in love with them simply because they are hitting on her? And they complain about men having egos, lol.


So I suppose they're hitting on her just for kicks? That's kind of absurd.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

AudreyHepburn said:


> So I suppose they're hitting on her just for kicks? That's kind of absurd.


I really wish I hadn't posted a lot of what I posted, but I'm leaving it up to deter myself from posting while I'm drinking again.

I think your question is a trap though, and I'm no longer drunk. :b


----------



## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

Redefine said:


> People get jealous because they feel somehow insecure with _themselves_. You get jealous because you feel like your partner likes their new mate better than you and this hurts your ego. People get jealous of a lot of other things too. Say your friend gets a very high paying job and you're stuck washing windows or something. You'll get jealous because you feel somehow like your suddenly not as good and it hurts your ego.
> 
> *If humans were meant to be monogamous, then why do people constantly get bored with relationships and cheat? Why do a lot of single people sleep around? Why don't we just like one person our whole life instead of having multiple interests over time? What about the 50% divorce rate*?


You sort of answered yourself with the above paragraph. People cheat for all sorts of reasons, insecurity within themselves is definitely one of them. Another reason is because we're all inherently selfish. We want our cake and eat it too. Its hard being monogamous, but in the long run it pays off...save on divorce, messed up kids, cut up clothing or broken dishes/things of value, small claims court...etc. etc.


----------



## miminka (May 10, 2009)

Thomas Paine said:


> I really wish I hadn't posted a lot of what I posted, but I'm leaving it up to deter myself from posting while I'm drinking again.
> 
> I think your question is a trap though, and I'm no longer drunk. :b


Yeah.. that really sucks what happened to you though. I'm sorry about that. I mean, that would upset anyone, drunk or sober.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

AudreyHepburn said:


> Yeah.. that really sucks what happened to you though. I'm sorry about that. I mean, that would upset anyone, drunk or sober.


Thanks. I'll be alright though.


----------



## Redefine (Jan 11, 2005)

justpassinby said:


> You sort of answered yourself with the above paragraph. People cheat for all sorts of reasons, insecurity within themselves is definitely one of them. Another reason is because we're all inherently selfish. We want our cake and eat it too. Its hard being monogamous, but in the long run it pays off...save on divorce, messed up kids, cut up clothing or broken dishes/things of value, small claims court...etc. etc.


I don't think people cheat because of being insecure. The one who is insecure in the relationship is usually the one who gets cheated on. I think they cheat because they lose interest in their partners and find someone else who can give to them what their partner can't anymore. I guess you can call it selfish, but it's just the nature of people. They will always be looking for the new, better thing. When they aren't satisfied with what they got, they are going to look for that something/someone else that can satisfy them.

Obviously in a perfect world we would all be happy with one partner our whole life, but that isn't the case. People fight, break up, get divorced, get cheated on all the time. I can't stand when I see my grandparents fight. They absolutely hate each other. What kind of way to end your life is that?


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Maybe drugs are the only way to make monogamy work.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Thomas Paine said:


> at the first half-baked excuse she leaves me and to avoid having to feel guilty about it she destroys my friendship with him, lies to her parents, her new friends, and probably herself to make it seem like _I_ was the bad guy when the truth is that the only reason I stopped treating her like a princess is because I could tell she had a crush on the only friend I had in this town along with the fact that I was going through so much pain and stress at the time (that she claims was being exaggerated and used as an excuse of course).
> 
> Anyway, I'm actually starting to appreciate those women who are honest and straightforward (and arguably mean) to guys they aren't into. It's almost like they have _less_ of an ego then those girls who lead men on.


Wasn't in the exact same situation, but rather similar. I can relate to most of what you said here. Especially (as much as it pains me to admit it) the last paragraph.

Also, this:



LoneLioness said:


> Because guys only go for the hot girls so they get burned.


----------



## Jrock (Dec 16, 2008)

Redefine said:


> I don't think people cheat because of being insecure. The one who is insecure in the relationship is usually the one who gets cheated on. I think they cheat because they lose interest in their partners and find someone else who can give to them what their partner can't anymore. I guess you can call it selfish, but it's just the nature of people. They will always be looking for the new, better thing. When they aren't satisfied with what they got, they are going to look for that something/someone else that can satisfy them.
> 
> Obviously in a perfect world we would all be happy with one partner our whole life, but that isn't the case. People fight, break up, get divorced, get cheated on all the time. I can't stand when I see my grandparents fight. They absolutely hate each other. What kind of way to end your life is that?


Very well said


----------



## justpassinby (Oct 21, 2008)

Idk, but i'd much rather look into the eyes of someone who knows/loves me, than someone who couldn't give a s*it about me, just for the sake of a momentary thrill. Yes its nature to want to go from partner to partner but its also our nature to be self destructive. Nothing good comes from it, raises your chances of getting an STD, getting hurt or used, getting a bad rep, and having your property ruined. If thats not self destructive I don't know what is.

To the original poster, i'm sorry you went through that, I went off topic a bit.


----------



## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

I'm a very straightforward person... from the beginning I'll let the guy know that I'm not interested in a relationship or anything, if he seems to be getting the wrong message. However... in my experience, a lot of guys DO NOT LISTEN. I mean seriously. I'M VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD, TO THE POINT. It's very frustrating. It seems that they interpret my attention and ... niceness... friendliness? as OH SHE LIKES ME IM STILL GOING FOR THIS, then when I set it straight ONCE AGAIN, that it's not going anywhere... ever... they get all hurt and stuff :/ The straightfowardness is my sad attempt to avoid hurting someone. It's like they only get the message when I AM mean, and I kind of.. am mean sometimes. sorry, rant. Just kinda related  And I realize all guys aren't like this. And I'm not saying the OP is like this.


----------



## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

yellowpaper said:


> I'm a very straightforward person... from the beginning I'll let the guy know that I'm not interested in a relationship or anything, if he seems to be getting the wrong message. However... in my experience, a lot of guys DO NOT LISTEN. I mean seriously. I'M VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD, TO THE POINT. It's very frustrating. It seems that they interpret my attention and ... niceness... friendliness? as OH SHE LIKES ME IM STILL GOING FOR THIS, then when I set it straight ONCE AGAIN, that it's not going anywhere... ever... they get all hurt and stuff :/ The straightfowardness is my sad attempt to avoid hurting someone. It's like they only get the message when I AM mean, and I kind of.. am mean sometimes. sorry, rant. Just kinda related  And I realize all guys aren't like this. And I'm not saying the OP is like this.


I heard somewhere that being _too_ nice is just a way to avoid guilt, so I applaud you. Does it bother you when people tell you you're mean though, or do you feel like thanking them for stating the obvious?. I can be a pretty big ******* sometimes, but I don't really care that much because I know that everyone is an ******* in their own way - sometimes just passively. I can be a pretty nice guy too though.


----------



## SilentLoner (Jan 30, 2006)

Redefine said:


> People get jealous because they feel somehow insecure with _themselves_. You get jealous because you feel like your partner likes their new mate better than you and this hurts your ego. People get jealous of a lot of other things too. Say your friend gets a very high paying job and you're stuck washing windows or something. You'll get jealous because you feel somehow like your suddenly not as good and it hurts your ego.
> 
> If humans were meant to be monogamous, then why do people constantly get bored with relationships and cheat? Why do a lot of single people sleep around? Why don't we just like one person our whole life instead of having multiple interests over time? What about the 50% divorce rate?


Human monogamy is not natural, it is an intelligent choice made by a species capable of understanding the consequences of bad choices. 
Why is it always stated as a 50% divorce rate and not 50% successful marriage rate?

Why do people get the urge to "settle down?"

Maybe I skimmed through this thread too quickly, but I did not see any references to STDs. IMHO, they represent the single most powerful reason for any human being to choose monogamy. Throughout most of human history STDs have been fatal, and the deaths they caused were horrible. To make matters worse, you could give this disease to your children and watch them die or live their lives with the disease.

I think the only reason we are thriving as a species is because we do not let nature rule us. We find all kinds of clever ways of overcoming "natural" things like baldness, tooth decay, and cancer. I think the naturalness of any behavior is irrelevant at this point in our evolution, what matters are the choices we make. I personally think monogamy a very reasonable choice.


----------



## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

Thomas Paine said:


> I heard somewhere that being _too_ nice is just a way to avoid guilt, so I applaud you. Does it bother you when people tell you you're mean though, or do you feel like thanking them for stating the obvious?. I can be a pretty big ******* sometimes, but I don't really care that much because I know that everyone is an ******* in their own way - sometimes just passively. I can be a pretty nice guy too though.


Yeah, I'm the same way.


----------

