# "Hi! How are you?" or meaningless chat



## seadevil (Mar 3, 2014)

"Hi, how are you?"

Probably you know that phrase very well, it is the start of any chat or message, any intercation online or in reality starts this way.

But my question is have you felt confused about it? Have you felt that most of the time people who ask you this seemingly innocent question don't care at all how are you and what you feel, but are just bored or want something for them or mostly doing that mechanically, even without using their brains.

"Oh, my life really sucks, I'm feeling so miserable now and don't know what to do anymore. Now I even regsitered to SAS forum to find some support here, but who knows".

That could be a true answer, but you will never tell that, because the question has already established the answer and you reply in a more neutral way: "It is OK" or "So-so" or "Usually". An honest answer probably will scare people off, but also will leave a very negative impression about you.

Another problem with such a scripted communication is that sometimes people desperately want to know news and they somehow believe that we have a lof of new them to tell (which also may irritate us, because of a lack any positive news at all).

"Oh, I'm totally find. Yesterday arrived back home after dozens of adventures in tropical rainforests where I catched an unique butterfly and just couple of hours ago I played a part in a new indie-film about dreams and just now when I walked home I met about ten friends and we are all going to have a cheesecake party now".

But usually there's nothing to tell and you feel how unhappy another person is, because you can't entertain him or her properly.

Of course there is another option to write something unique and special and receive a philosophical "OK" type answer as a most common reply. Plus the person may not answer back.

Once years ago I got irritated by such a bit meaningless conversations without any actual interest from other side, but now I mostly try to avoid them and can hide my own troubles and "no news" quite well or even not respond (depends who is asking of course)

And what about you?


----------



## perennial wallflower (Feb 17, 2014)

I'd like honest answers to small talk questions, but admittedly not if it was a vent. Talking is often too slow, mundane, or emotional for me. I'm one of those people who'd love it if someone just started talking about a strange and offensive topic out of the blue.


----------



## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

hey, folks... what's up?


----------



## Monster123 (Aug 15, 2013)

Kanfusuuruq said:


> My opinion towards the phrase is largely dependent on who is offering it to me. If it's the first sentence that a complete stranger has ever said to me online, I'm likely to see it as merely flirtation's antecedent. Probably the rather awkward and irritating sort. Passing someone in a hallway I would think I would be likely to know the person little bit, at least. If they are a close friend I may be inclined to update them on my situation, and I will not fear that I've overstepped the boundaries of tactful conversation.


Yep it all depends who is saying it to me. In most cases it's just to be polite and simply a way to acknowledge the other person. Either that or everyone would just ignore each other all the time. I don't see that much of a problem with it.


----------



## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Many times there is nothing new to talk about or you simply are not familiar with another person. The only thing you can do, so you won't just stay quiet, is to make small talk. Or those around you will initiate this small talk. Could be the ''How are you?'', could be something related to weather, something seen on Tv and so on. It doesn't really matter. The point is to have a starting point for your conversation and get to a topic that is interesting for both.

Nobody is talking all day, every day, about the meaning of life, the immortal nature of the soul, the physics behind the Big Bang, and so on. It is this small talk that is used most often and sometimes can spice up your life a bit. Or, at least, it helps you to break down that wall of silence.


----------



## DecMate (Mar 6, 2014)

I know exactly what you mean. The fact the script is written and you have to say "yes im fine" when in truth you feel the opposite. Or at least that's me.

But do remember that alot of people just say it in a light-hearted way so don't take it too serious. If you've only spoke to someone a couple of times and you come out with a life story to them when they ask, they're obviously going to react in a "WTF" sort of fashion lol.

It's just a shame it's frowned upon to openly talk about things at any time. Pisses me off.


----------



## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

In a Lonely Place said:


> That used to confuse me a little when I played games online with a bunch of American guys. When I would join them I'd get 'Hey mark, what's up' I was never sure how to respond
> 
> What's up guys? :sus
> 
> ...


hey dude, what's up?

_good, thx!

_how are ya?

_nothin' much_


----------



## seadevil (Mar 3, 2014)

Thanks to everybody for answers! It was interesting to read them. I just felt curious about how different communication scripts work and how they may be connected with social depression as well. As I think now it is at one point depends on the culture (for instanse I also found "what's up" replique a bit of mystery for me). Now I believe that kind of small talk is a OK prechat or start, but not the real conversation. And I may feel a bit odd when small scripted talk is like the whole conversation, especially if you want to see more effort from some important for you people.


----------

