# Why do you "need" a boyfriend or girlfriend?



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Well, personally I don't "need" a boyfriend to make me happy, but something I noticed is that the prevailing attitude among guys is that they "need" a girlfriend in order to be happy or in order to be (insert your answer here). Why is that? Why do girls, for certain guys, equal status, confidence, happiness, or whatever they are looking for? I know I wouldn't go so far as to date Donald Trump just to get close to riches or date a rich man just because I want to be rich myself. It just sort of seems selfish to get someone else to agree to be in a relationship for your own purposes.


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

sanria22 said:


> I noticed is that the prevailing attitude among guys is that they "need" a girlfriend in order to be happy or in order to be (insert your answer here). Why is that? Why do girls, for certain guys, equal status, confidence, happiness, or whatever they are looking for?


I'd chalk it up to our sex drive. As one essay says:



> Nature has played a trick on men: production of spermatozoa occurs at a rate of several orders of magnitude greater than female ovulation (about 12 million per hour vs. 400 per life time).


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

Yeah. It's biologically imperative for us to spread our seed.


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## Colhad75 (Dec 14, 2009)

Because I've never had a girlfriend and I seriously doubt my ability to find one. It worries me greatly that I cannot find a girl.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Colhad75 said:


> Because I've never had a girlfriend and I seriously doubt my ability to find one. It worries me greatly that I cannot find a girl.


Yeah, I don't really *need* one, but I'd like to know I can get one, just to help curb my crippling inferiority complexes... :sigh


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

For me, at first, having a boyfriend proved that I was a real person. I was like, "look at me, I have a boyfriend, I know about dating, I'm like everyone else!"


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

A lot of it has to do with the social pressures that men experience, especially when growing up. Men are (inappropriately) expected to be masters of their particular social scene, and part of what makes them masters are women who will support him. The genetic imperative to breed helps spur this, and environmental selection that we often undergo helps sustain this genetic imperative, though I believe that with feminism (in the sense that true feminism promotes gender equality rather than just the rights of women), we might eventually weed this out. Right now, though, I believe those men and women that come out "winners" in this game (that is, the powerful men that get and flaunt their beautiful women and the beautiful women that get and flaunt their powerful men) perpetuate this, and, since popular media images (and especially reality TV shows) tend to sell more when they focus on the "winners" (because many people tend to prefer to watch shows about rich and beautiful people), they help perpetuate the image that beautiful women and powerful men are socially preferred. The (often) subconscious and subliminal mechanism is, to a certain degree, self-sustaining. But I believe that with activism, education, and understanding, we might get to a point where we can abandon this mechanism.

But the need for companionship is not always status-based. We are social creatures, we feel lonely sometimes, and we sometimes want people for who they are and how they complement our own lives. There was a time when I convinced myself that I could be happy without a girlfriend, and for awhile it worked, but I've come to realize that that position is untenable (for me).


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

well, to me being around a girl is completely different than being around another guy. If I had a girlfriend I can really open up and share my feeling to her and really talk. I can't really do that with a guy.

To me it isn't a biologically thing. It's more like an emotional thing that i need to satisfy in order to be happy. Someone I can love and get love back.:squeeze(companionship)

And of corse sex, but i'd like to establish an emotional connection frist.

I gusse that's the only real reason I can think of. :con


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## mardy423 (Aug 27, 2008)

SOME said:


> well, to me being around a girl is completely different than being around another guy. If I had a girlfriend I can really open up and share my feeling to her and really talk. I can't really do that with a guy.
> 
> To me it isn't a biologically thing. It's more like an emotional thing that i need to satisfy in order to be happy. Someone I can love and get love back.:squeeze(companionship)
> 
> ...


I agree. I want companionship and a close friend that I can open up to and love and be loved back.


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## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

I like to cuddle, and women are soft and cuddly.:yes


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I don't really know why. I wish it wasn't so. While I realize on a rational level that I don't "need" a relationship, and that in fact I'd probably fail at one miserably, I don't think I'll ever _not_ feel depressed on a regular basis about my lack of romantic and sexual contact with women.

I have this weird complex I've built up in my mind over the years where I think women aren't nearly as interested in or emotionally bound by us guys as we are in them. While I obviously recognize that this is distorted thinking, it's interesting to hear one woman's perspective that suggests it might have a crumb of truth to it.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

So I can feel like a human being again and have someone to spend this lonely life with.


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## KumagoroBeam (Sep 15, 2008)

I think being in a relationship would be good for me. Have someone else to care for and not obsess over my own problems. Cuddling would be nice too.


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## S.T.A.T. (Jan 17, 2009)

I agree with all of the above. In addition, I feel I am frustrated with society's expectations of what I should be just because I have a penis. hell i enjoy female companionship but wish i didn't have that biological desire in the first place.


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## ruxul (Oct 22, 2008)

I would say it's more of a "want" than a "need." But yea, loneliness sucks. Coming home and having someone to talk with and enjoy physical contact with is a lot nicer than coming home to an empty house...


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

Honestly, do men feel they "need" to be in a relationship more than women? I would've thought it would be the reverse.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

men tend to be needier, they need that female companionship as they get older. a lot of girls are like my sis and all they see in a man is a warm body and a car. 
not to generalize though.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Its a human need imo.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Emotional attachment is like a drug for me. I need it. It makes me happy. It's probably the only thing that does. And thats why. Pathetic, I know, but that's how I am.


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

For the emotional attachment thing, for having someone to love and share life goals stuff with, to have a warm body in bed, to comply with the social pressure and norms that says you need a significant other, to escape loneliness and probably lots of stuff i did not think about for the moment....

That being said, I don't think I "need" a girlfriend to be happy to be happy in life, I can live without and I don't want to settle for the sake of having someone. But, maybe with a girl right for me, my life could be more happier, but that is not a absolute necessity. I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't stand.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

Need can be the wrong word. I'm a fiercely independent person and don't consider myself very needy, but I'm also human.

Going through life alone is tough. Experiences seems muted with no one to share them with. 

Some kind of mutual appreciation would be nice. I'm pretty harsh on myself as I suspect most people are, and someone actually liking you for who you are would go a long way --along with the ability to reciprocate this.

There's a bit of jealousy that goes with being in a society filled with couples -- seeing how they always have someone to do things with, someone to talk to. Someone who cares how their day went. When all your siblings bring their SO home for the holidays and I always come alone, it's not a nice feeling.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I am just as happy with or without a girlfriend. But I like the companionship of a relationship. Sharing feelings with someone, spending time with someone. There are a lot of little things I cant do with friends but regularly do with a partner. I like having someone by my side and I like being there for someone.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Maybe it is because everything tells us that this is the way to go. Movies, TV, and successful real life relationships all give us hope that it is possible and desirable. 

And if you have been single long enough, you do start to get lonely.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

sanria22 said:


> Well, personally I don't "need" a boyfriend to make me happy...


May I ask, do you have a BF? If not, could you obtain a BF with relative ease? I ask because what you said sounds like something that would likely come from someone to whom a BF isn't so totally out of reach as to be virtually impossible to even imagine.



sanria22 said:


> ...but something I noticed is that the prevailing attitude among guys is that they "need" a girlfriend in order to be happy or in order to be (insert your answer here). Why is that? Why do girls, for certain guys, equal status, confidence, happiness, or whatever they are looking for?


You're right, I've noticed the same prevailing attitude as well. I'm 36 and I'm sick & tired of being alone. Pair bonding is typical in the animal kingdom. As humans we call this pair bonding having a GF, BF, or being married. I'd love to have a woman in my life who understands me and accepts me the way I am. I'd love to have someone to discuss my thoughts & feelings with. I'd love to have someone to kiss & cuddle -- I deeply miss that physical intimacy (and that's not simply some euphemism for sex).



> It just sort of seems selfish to get someone else to agree to be in a relationship for your own purposes.


Well, humans are selfish (Ayn Rand would call that a virtue, not a vice). If one is with a partner, presumably they are getting something out of that relationship. If they were getting nothing out of the relationship they'd likely break up. I'd look at it differently and say that in a good relationship both parties are getting something out of it (friendship, companionship, sex, financial security, etc...)


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

> Why do girls, for certain guys, equal status, confidence, happiness, or whatever they are looking for?


If a guy can't get a GF he's likely to feel like a loser, because his inability to find a woman who wants a relationship say something about him. It suggests that he has problems and isn't desirable. Instead of being a much-sought-after treasure, he's more like a pile a trash that you'd have to pay somebody to haul away.

How is one going to have confidence when they've failed at this rather basic task of forming a relationship? You see couples all over the place. You can't even look out your window without seeing a seemingly happy couple strolling down the street. This annoys men who don't have that to no end. They wonder why they can't have what so many others seem to get with such ease. They wonder what's wrong with them such that women flee from them.

And I'd suspect a woman who has a dozen cats instead of a BF might well have similar feelings as I suspect this crosses gender lines.


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## Franky (Nov 15, 2008)

I dunno it's just natural I guess. Like everyone else does it. All the people I know are getting in and out of relationships. Then like the media is a bit annoying and influences everyone. 

Just for me personally, I just want someone I can talk to everyday and someone that I can care about and they care about me. So I guess the girlfriend is the best option for that. Like I get lonely and have no one to talk to. Having someone I can talk to everyday might just make me feel a hell of a lot better about myself.


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## butterfly0924 (Sep 24, 2005)

I didn't mind being alone that much before,but the last two years I have really wanted someone in my life. I would like to have someone to cuddle with and talk to and have them truly care about me.


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## Emptyheart (Sep 15, 2009)

To fill the lonliness.


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## Narcissus (Aug 28, 2007)

I need to feel that I'm living for someone other than myself.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

SOME said:


> well, to me being around a girl is completely different than being around another guy. If I had a girlfriend I can really open up and share my feeling to her and really talk. I can't really do that with a guy.
> 
> To me it isn't a biologically thing. It's more like an emotional thing that i need to satisfy in order to be happy. Someone I can love and get love back.:squeeze(companionship)
> 
> ...


Yeah same here


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## TheJoker (Dec 24, 2009)

To not be lonely, to have someone I can trust and have them trust me back, to feel close to someone, to cuddle and all that stuff...


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## kikyoumiko (Nov 24, 2009)

I want someone to confide in, share experiences with, to have an emotional and physical connection...*Sigh* it's been so long


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

UltraShy said:


> If a guy can't get a GF he's likely to feel like a loser, because his inability to find a woman who wants a relationship say something about him. It suggests that he has problems and isn't desirable. Instead of being a much-sought-after treasure, he's more like a pile a trash that you'd have to pay somebody to haul away.
> 
> How is one going to have confidence when they've failed at this rather basic task of forming a relationship? You see couples all over the place. You can't even look out your window without seeing a seemingly happy couple strolling down the street. This annoys men who don't have that to no end. They wonder why they can't have what so many others seem to get with such ease. They wonder what's wrong with them such that women flee from them.
> 
> And I'd suspect a woman who has a dozen cats instead of a BF might well have similar feelings as I suspect this crosses gender lines.


that's like a catch 22... like... you gotta have a girl, to get a girl...


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

Definitely craving it more the older I get. It was fine during late teens - early 20's, as I was really into my own hobbies and stuff... and you're young, you know that you're young and you'll find someone later on.

But I'll be 28 soon, and you start to think how nice it would be to come home to a beautiful woman every night. Plus travelling overseas would be awesome with a gf.


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## adi1909 (Jan 1, 2010)

*Yes I do feel the need but for the right reasons*

I have been in a serious relationship and I adored it to the best but unfortunately it did not work out. I am not sure about most of the other "guys" you are talking about here but for me being in a relationship is a big deal of moving towards peace in life and satisfaction, obviously provided that she is the right one !!

Like you mentioned, it is the case with many guys I know that they need a girl friend as a status symbol... but then I fall in the other category and its really frightens me that I might not be seen with suspicious eyes by my hopefully future companion..

I think its going to be great for me to be in a relationship and have a girl friend cause I know she truly thinks of me and I would feel completely free to care for that one person I am sure about, who truly deserves it !!

Well this is the most important and probably the biggest reason why I think that I need a girl friend apart from that obviously there are all the other needs and perks but I hardly ever think about them...

So for a change I guess it might help you to have a different take on relationship from a guy's point of view...


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

CeilingStarer said:


> Definitely craving it more the older I get. It was fine during late teens - early 20's, as I was really into my own hobbies and stuff... and you're young, you know that you're young and you'll find someone later on.
> 
> But I'll be 28 soon, and you start to think how nice it would be to come home to a beautiful woman every night. Plus travelling overseas would be awesome with a gf.


Yup I agree... the older a male gets, the more sex he wants...


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## ShrinkingViolet (Jan 13, 2010)

We all need someone to share our lives with. For companionship and love. To have someone not only there for you, but to also give love to. The need to give love is just as strong as the need to recieve love. 
For physical affection and sex which are all basic human needs. No one truly likes or should go without all those things for TOO long. IMO. If they do, there is usually a psychological reason behind it or they are in some serious denial.

The answer to this question is really a no brainier to me.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> Yeah, I don't really *need* one, but I'd like to know I can get one, just to help curb my crippling inferiority complexes... :sigh


I feel the same way


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

UltraShy said:


> If a guy can't get a GF he's likely to feel like a loser, because his inability to find a woman who wants a relationship say something about him. It suggests that he has problems and isn't desirable. Instead of being a much-sought-after treasure, he's more like a pile a trash that you'd have to pay somebody to haul away.
> 
> How is one going to have confidence when they've failed at this rather basic task of forming a relationship? You see couples all over the place. You can't even look out your window without seeing a seemingly happy couple strolling down the street. This annoys men who don't have that to no end. They wonder why they can't have what so many others seem to get with such ease. They wonder what's wrong with them such that women flee from them.
> 
> And I'd suspect a woman who has a dozen cats instead of a BF might well have similar feelings as I suspect this crosses gender lines.





Some Russian Guy said:


> that's like a catch 22... like... you gotta have a girl, to get a girl...


It seems sometimes that confidence and "personality" (aka the positive vibe) is (among other things) to many women what looks are (among other things) to many guys. Confident guys tend to be as attractive to women as beautiful women are to men. Therefore, not-so-confident guys like ourselves would be equally attractive as not-so-good-looking women. Yes, it's messed up on both sides, and yes, this is over-simplifying things, and this is definitely not true for all people, but I have a purpose in what I'm saying.

But just as not-so-good-looking women can become more attractive to men with diet, exercise, a new wardrobe, and makeup, I think not-so-confident guys could become more attractive to women by working on confidence. I'm thinking that real confidence with women comes from 1. a long string of past success with women and 2. recognizing that success as success. Since we have SA, we might have problems with both.

Solution: Date those women who are not regarded as good looking by the majority of men. Studies have shown that members of couples tend to be approximately equally attractive, and since (as we have assumed) confidence in men is as important as looks in women, we might assume that not-so-confident men might just be able to get dates with some not-so-good-looking women. These relationships (though they only need to last a short while) will establish that long string of success that we may need for confidence, so long as we can recognize them as successes. As our confidence grows, we will become more and more attractive to women, and thus be able to date women who we find more and more attractive. Essentially, we can work our way to an approximation of what we want in a woman over time, until we find something close to "the one".

There are a lot of lonely women out there, and many of us who have gone without women for a long time might just need to get off our high-horses and give them a shot. I've sent about 50 messages to women I find very attractive on an online dating site and received no positive interest from any of them. Meanwhile, I ignored those few women that sent me messages and those women whose pictures I found not-so-good-looking. As soon as I started messaging these women, I had an overwhelmingly positive response from them. I'm not too serious about any of them, but I am dating them, and it's getting easier and easier to date.

Just a thought.


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## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

Honestly relationships are nice in a number of ways, but there is something to be said for feeling autonomous too.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

I don't need it, but there's a lot of things that go with that I don't want to die having never experienced.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I'm simply a 'better' person with than without. I've spent my fair share of time living the single life in one bedroom apartments. And there are some perks to be sure; it's nice to be able to just relax without having to worry about offending anyone by not doing the dishes for three days or staying up until 2:00am on a Saturday night, etc. But I simply do no know how to live a healthy, single lifestyle. A relationship, for me, provides stability, increased self-esteem and accountability. For me, someone who tends to self-medicate whenever possible, the latter is of the utmost importance. 

This isn't to say that I simply must be in a relationship at all times and just latch on the first 'ok' girl that comes along. I just recognize(and others seem to as well), that I do better with than without.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

path0gen said:


> I'm simply a 'better' person with than without. I've spent my fair share of time living the single life in one bedroom apartments. And there are some perks to be sure; it's nice to be able to just relax without having to worry about offending anyone by not doing the dishes for three days or staying up until 2:00am on a Saturday night, etc. But I simply do no know how to live a healthy, single lifestyle. A relationship, for me, provides stability, increased self-esteem and accountability. For me, someone who tends to self-medicate whenever possible, the latter is of the utmost importance.
> 
> This isn't to say that I simply must be in a relationship at all times and just latch on the first 'ok' girl that comes along. I just recognize(and others seem to as well), that I do better with than without.


Well said Path0gen.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

1.) Companionship - as other people have said, loneliness is not pleasant

2.) Family - nothing worse than coming home to an empty house

3.) Physical intimacy and sex - I won't pretend this doesn't factor into it

4.) Safety net - if you lose your job and have a wife and kids, you have something to fall back on until you get back on your feet. If you don't, you're out on the street. If you have a family, you have somebody to keep you grounded in reality. If not, it's easy to fall into a self-reinforcing negative loop.

5.) Personal validation - it's hard to keep telling yourself you're a worthwhile person when nobody seems to want to be with you.

6.) Societal expectations - because lord knows if you're still a virgin by the time you're 14, something is horribly wrong with you.


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## Sweetness (Dec 31, 2009)

At my age, I would think that women are more needy for companionship and they thrive on the feeling of a man "needing" them.


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## Lumiere (Jun 13, 2009)

Far too much emphasis now is placed on the need for intimate personal relationships as the only means of happiness, when really it's *a* possible means of happiness amongst many others (and, in many cases I've witnessed it's more a means of unhapiness than anything else). There are other sources of contentment besides relationships. So, no, we don't *need* significant others... but, yes, it would be nice. : P


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## Catty (Jan 4, 2010)

After having a child the "need" is only there to help provide.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

Catty said:


> After having a child the "need" is only there to help provide.


Even that is subjective. I've known quite a few women that decided they didn't want anything to do with the father, be it financial or otherwise. I understand what you mean though.


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## kiwikiwi (Jul 27, 2009)

Lumiere said:


> Far too much emphasis now is placed on the need for intimate personal relationships as the only means of happiness, when really it's *a* possible means of happiness amongst many others (and, in many cases I've witnessed it's more a means of unhapiness than anything else). There are other sources of contentment besides relationships. So, no, we don't *need* significant others... but, yes, it would be nice. : P


:ditto I have often asked myself :where does it says that we need to be happy ? its all a lie , a powerful programming to keep us going in circles , like a dog trying to catch its own tail .


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

Because... I want to share commitment and love with someone.


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

I personally don't want a girlfriend. I think my genes actually want one a lot more than i do. If my genes were able to talk, that's probably how their message will look _roughly_:

Genes: "Come on you worthless little imbecile, get yourself a girlfriend right now and procreate... Or... else... the consequences will be terrible. you'll become the most awful predicament to us...An evolutionary failure *GASPS* - A.K.A we wouldn't get passed forth to the next generation. So just get on with it right now or else, we will make your life a living misery! MUHAHAHAHA!"

Yeah,_ roughly_ I think...


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## stevenhz (Jan 20, 2010)

sanria22 said:


> Well, personally I don't "need" a boyfriend to make me happy, but something I noticed is that the prevailing attitude among guys is that they "need" a girlfriend in order to be happy or in order to be (insert your answer here). Why is that? Why do girls, for certain guys, equal status, confidence, happiness, or whatever they are looking for? I know I wouldn't go so far as to date Donald Trump just to get close to riches or date a rich man just because I want to be rich myself. It just sort of seems selfish to get someone else to agree to be in a relationship for your own purposes.


I can't agree with you any more. It seems you are living a happy and self-fulfilling life. The prevailing attitude is misleading.


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## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

I need friends more than anything right now. Close friends I can trust and be open with.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

nightrain said:


> I need friends more than anything right now. Close friends I can trust and be open with.


I feel the same way and I think it would help more then a relationship. Plus I think if you had a good group of close friends you could probably get into a relationship without too much trouble. Not with one of them per say but you would be able to meet people through them. They could also help you out by asking for their opinion and giving you support.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

The only thing I need in the world is the feeling of being accepted, which I've lacked through most of my life. It's my only desire, to show someone my true self and know they appreciate me. Friendship can provide it, but not to the extent a romantic relationship can. Of course, I can literally survive without it, but my life would be unfulfilling and pointless, so I've got no choice but to pursue it.


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## ArcheKoeln (Mar 28, 2012)

Serotonin from physical human contact. That's why. Plus societal expectations for a guy to have a female partner are very high in many cultures, leading many men to dread taking too long lest it hurt their social standing, which as you can see from this forum, is a real issue.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

To complete you.


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## Garretoo (Jan 19, 2011)

It is not necessary that's for sure. I have never had a real relationship except a couple that lasted a week or less when I was a young teenager, which probably plays into why I still don't have one. I think about having a relationship quite a bit lately, but in the past I never gave it a ton of thought and just kind of wrote it off and an impossibility. There is other ways to be happy and content, for me it had always been video games, family, and friends. If masturbation didn't exist there would be big problems with not having a girlfriend though lol.


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## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

For me it's the need to feel loved, and to love. I'm not going to lie by saying that sex is not another reason but it's not the primary reason.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

At OP: If you were in some of our positions you would probably understand.

I mean you have probably had at least one boyfriend amiright?


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Because they haven't invented an adequate, customisable virtual one yet.


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## Revan (Jun 28, 2009)

Good question. I suppose when it comes down to it, I don't really "need" a girlfriend. Hell, I've survived this long on my own and have a better head on my shoulders than most. For me though, I guess the reason is because I'm bored. I've been on my own for a while, you know? That's bound to do a number on you mentally. So I just want to experience what it would be like. It's like "Come on! Let's see what all the fuss is about!" lol


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## JudgeDreddlikescookies (Dec 13, 2011)

humans are inherently social animals, most people want someone they can be emotionally & physically connected to. They want to be able to share themselves with another human being.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't _need_ a boyfriend, but I'd like one. There are certain things that people experience in relationships (if it's a healthy one) that I'd like.


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

I don't "Need" it but I'd really like someone special to be in a relationship with, someone I can always rely on who I love and who loves me. And we would have fun together and do things we enjoy. Adventures, world domination etc.

It's a great thing to have.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

companionship in a romantic sense, not just platonic in a friends sense.


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## ravagingthemassacred (Aug 2, 2011)

It's a strong desire yet not a need....for partnership, sex, companionship. To kill boredom, learn more about myself, for pleasure, to experience some of what the world has to offer


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

if people were jumping off roofs then others would follow


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

I sure hope people don't want a significant other just so they can feel complete or "feel alive" through their partner and make them realize that life can be good. They themselves are also human beings as well and have flaws, not just us. Don't put them on a pedestal. Those seeking validation through a relationship will never be in a good one.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Perkins said:


> I sure hope people don't want a significant other just so they can feel complete or "feel alive" through their partner and make them realize that life can be good. They themselves are also human beings as well and have flaws, not just us. Don't put them on a pedestal. Those seeking validation through a relationship will never be in a good one.


If this were true, at least 75% of the population could never be in a good relationship. Oh wait... :lol

Seriously though, almost every precondition I see listed on SAS for being in a relationship ("must be confident," "must already love oneself before one can be loved," "must not seek validation through others") is violated by 2/3 of the couples I know IRL. Most of these "rules" are simply rationalizations for why people with SA can't find someone attracted to them, IMO.


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## LordScott (Apr 9, 2012)

to have sex with? its soo obvious


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Droidsteel said:


> At OP: If you were in some of our positions you would probably understand.
> 
> I mean you have probably had at least one boyfriend amiright?


Yeah, I've thought about this for some time, I guess two years after starting this thread and now I can see where people are coming from. It was in response to the whole "I don't have a girlfriend, how can I get one because I need one" kind of threads that were going around on SAS at the time (and still kind of are). As in guys don't feel like men because somehow they don't have a woman.. and having a woman would just validate their entire existence that they've had up until that point. Maybe.

At the time too, I thought I really didn't "need" one but two years after this thread, being physically, yet not entirely emotionally, alone I can see what the appeal of having a boyfriend around is. So yeah, it'd be nice but then partial singlehood doesn't bother me either.


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## Toppington (Oct 26, 2011)

I admit that I desperately *want* one, but I definitely don't *need* one. Which is probably why I still have a couple of (mostly intellectual, couple physical) standards left. I've tried to drop the desperation lately and I think I've done pretty well compared to how I was feeling just a month or two ago. It'll happen when it happens as long as I don't isolate myself. I'm just trying not to think about it too much. Or when I can't help myself, I kind of have myself convinced by this point that I wouldn't be truly happy in a relationship with just anyone that fit my (kind of already low) standards. I'd be happy if I was getting laid, but I don't think it'd be enough for me to be in a relationship with someone. That'd feel wrong to me.

I think the attitude you gave an example of is kind of the product of getting next to no attention from the opposite sex growing up. I know that I'd be a lot more confident if I could say "Yeah, I've had a girlfriend". Hell, I'd be confident saying someone had flirted with me at this point. It's hard to not think it'd solve all of your problems when it's made out to be so great and you've yet to experience ANY of it.


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## Sameer (Feb 2, 2010)

This is not suppose to be a question...


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## upndownboi (Oct 7, 2010)

there are lots of wrong reasons for wanting a relationship but only one right- to share a life you already enjoy with someone special.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

I want a girlfriend because im bored..........


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## Marleywhite (Aug 24, 2012)

It is not really a need. I don't really want it either. Still waiting for persocons to be made. :/


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

gaz said:


> For me it's the need to feel loved, and to love. I'm not going to lie by saying that sex is not another reason but it's not the primary reason.


I've never been in love with a woman before or have ever been loved. I've just always wanted someone to love me and me to love her. I've never had sex and I would like to have sex but like you said sex is not the primary reason.


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## Xenidia (Aug 4, 2012)

I need one before i commit suicide, i seriously lack some love.


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## Furious Ming (Dec 13, 2011)

Because I at least want to know what it's like to have one.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

You will get one, then you guys will break up, and you'll be even more ****ed up than before.

At least, that's what happened to me.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

PathologicalSigher said:


> If we're being honest, doesn't this describe all relationships?


True, it does describe a lot of relationships, but then again some people meet on equal footing because they have similar interests and get along well (like friends). Ah, it's complicated.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Canucklehead said:


> You will get one, then you guys will break up, and you'll be even more ****ed up than before.
> 
> At least, that's what happened to me.


Aw I'm sorry that happened. This seems to happen to a lot of guys, their hearts get broken by the first girlfriend (or second, whatever). Well forget her man, plenty of fish, No'm sayin'?


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## John316C (May 1, 2011)

for temporary support and lifelong love


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

sanria22 said:


> Aw I'm sorry that happened. This seems to happen to a lot of guys, their hearts get broken by the first girlfriend (or second, whatever). Well forget her man, plenty of fish, No'm sayin'?


But, but, you dont understanddd.....

(I jest)


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## youngloc (Dec 23, 2009)

I don't do it for social status, or because people keep asking me why I don't have one. I want one because I'm sick of being alone all the time. I want to have a connection with someone and also the x rated stuff as well. I'll never settle for somebody just for the sake of being with someone, I really want it to mean something to me


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I'm sick of being alone. I've never had a girlfriend in my whole life and it's getting old. I want someone who loves me and I love them. I wish I would approach someone but I've never been able to do that. I just don't think I'm that attractive to women.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I like men, I have to have more reasons than that?


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## Gurosan (Sep 4, 2012)

never had a real gf so i would need one to see if i can actually feel love for special some1 like gf that is really cewl.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

This thread rears it's ugly head again!

It's a natural biological urge given to us by our genes to insure that they get reproduced. The Selfish Gene!!


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