# Is physical attraction important to you?



## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

Yes?
No?

Here's the thing: my therapist is exclusively focusin on how i behave with women and he wants me to find a girlfriend as soon as i can... i know, i know what you guys are going to tell me: Don't let him push you to do something you don't want, tell him you are not ready yet for that, etc.
Thing is i am way too scared of rejection because i have been mistreated before by girls i used to like, pretty much i gave up on that. 
What did he told me? To lower my standars. 
I believe that no matter how much i could lower my standars (IMO it's impossible to have a relationship with someone you don't like phisically, if you like his/her personality, you have a friendship with them. But tha might be just me) i will be afraid of rejection. 
A guy i knwo in college (he considers himself my friend, eve though i have gave him no reason to believe that) tried to pair me up with this girl, not very attractive, and she dissed me. I was very nervous as well and i tried my best then because i thought better this than nothing.
What do you guys think? Are looks important to you? How do you deal with rejection?


----------



## Ded Negatives (Jul 16, 2013)

Yes, physical attraction is important to me. Doesn't matter how great a guy's personality is; if I can't picture myself kissing him, I don't consider him any more than a friend. Going out with ones I wasn't attracted to didn't do anything to change this approach, either.


----------



## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

The thing is, physical attraction is somewhat dynamic. Your "physical attraction" to someone can grow or diminish with circumstances. You don't want to get too caught up in whether or not you're immediately attracted in every and any case. Depending on your personality and situation it may be best to be more patient with your physical attraction and to let it develop after getting emotionally attached to someone...


We are all different so of course my perspective may not benefit you, but only you know that. Why would it be so hard to lower your standards exactly? Is it because dating a woman you don't consider a good looker hurts your self view? Does it make you ashamed of yourself? Or is it more sexual than anything? Whatever the case, find out why it's a problem and think about whether or not it's worth getting over for just this moment.


In regards to dealing with rejection, you should understand that a female's opinion of you will exist whether or not you expose her opinion or not. Avoiding rejection isn't the same as avoiding conjuring up an opinion. What you want to do is find a female who likes you, if she doesn't like you it's not because you did anything wrong.


----------



## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

Anyone who says personality is more important than appearance is lying imo. The facts speak for themselves- its astronomically rare to see a really ugly person with a really attractive partner.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Is your avatar Ingemar from "mitt liv som hund"(my life as a dog)?


----------



## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

probably offline said:


> Is your avatar Ingemar from "mitt liv som hund"(my life as a dog)?


Yes! :clap


----------



## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

Lazercarp1 said:


> Anyone who says personality is more important than appearance is lying imo. The facts speak for themselves- its astronomically rare to see a really ugly person with a really attractive partner.


I've seen not to few attractive people with rather ugly people. 
A beautiful girl with a guy that looked like he was a neanderthal... i saw that a couple of times. 
Never seena good looking guy with a butter face chick though. 
Maybe it's something we, guys, have.


----------



## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

Trademark said:


> In regards to dealing with rejection, you should understand that a female's opinion of you will exist whether or not you expose her opinion or not. Avoiding rejection isn't the same as avoiding conjuring up an opinion. What you want to do is find a female who likes you, if she doesn't like you it's not because you did anything wrong.


I know that...buth that's how i feel afterwards. 
I also know that this wasn't your whole post, i just wanted to adress this.


----------



## scum (Jun 30, 2011)

After endlessly dissecting the philosophical rhetoric of existing as both a complex social being influenced by the subtleties of intellect, and an animalistic creature driven by raw biological instinct, I've parsed through all the subliminal layers of deception and am left with the same old ultra simplistic realization: physical attraction amounts to 100% of my intent to date someone.


----------



## Meulin (Jun 28, 2013)

max87 said:


> Never seena good looking guy with a butter face chick though.
> Maybe it's something we, guys, have.


nah. I've seen an average looking girl with a very good looking guy before.

"butter face" is a stupid term so I'm not using it.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

It's necessary in a relationship for people who aren't asexual.



Trademark said:


> The thing is, physical attraction is somewhat dynamic. Your "physical attraction" to someone can grow or diminish with circumstances. You don't want to get too caught up in whether or not you're immediately attracted in every and any case. Depending on your personality and situation *it may be best to be more patient with your physical attraction and to let it develop after getting emotionally attached to someone...*


Yeah, that's the way I see it too.


----------



## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

Physical attraction is important. However, it is not the most important element. I value an emotional and intellectual connection far more than the physical. I also think an attraction can develop after strongly connecting on a deeper level. But unfortunately it doesn't always translate into a strong physical connection. I think chemistry is a necessity in a romantic relationship. But you don't need an overtly attractive person to accomplish this.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

It's important to me, if I don't feel physically attracted to someone then I cannot imagine having a successful relationship with them. However I also realise that ones perception of somebody can change as you better get to know them and this has happened to me in the past.


----------



## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

I think it is pretty certain that physical attraction is important. I don't see that as meaning that all people are vain or immature. I am neither- i think- but i cannot be in a sexual relationship with a woman if i do not at least find her a bit attractive. Obviously her personality matters hugely in whether or not i will want to be with her. It is just two different issues, looks and personality, it is not either one or the other.


----------



## Lazercarp1 (Jul 2, 2013)

max87 said:


> I've seen not to few attractive people with rather ugly people.
> A beautiful girl with a guy that looked like he was a neanderthal... i saw that a couple of times.
> Never seena good looking guy with a butter face chick though.
> Maybe it's something we, guys, have.


yeah I think this more applies to ugly girls with good looking guys. I think it's possible for an ugly guy to get a good looking girl. Just I've never, ever seen a really ugly girl with a really good looking guy.


----------



## RadioactivePotato (Jan 6, 2013)

I don't think I'd be willing to date a guy who I didn't find attractive, I'm not trying to sound shallow. Personality and interests play a large factor as well.


----------



## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Not really. I mean, you can think a person looks nice or cute without being attracted to them. Otherwise, I'd be fine if I wasn't attracted, sex isn't in my top ten of necessary things anyway x_x


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yeah, I think it is on an unconscious level. There's this chemistry I don't experience it really in life with people I meet usually, perhaps because I rarely open up and personality and getting to know people is more important to me than whether or not they are physically attractive. If I found them unattractive physically I probably wouldn't be attracted to them in general. Sometimes there's someone who doesn't particularly stand out to you in any way and then you get to know them better, and then you appreciate everything about them more.

I don't know why I try to answer these questions lol there's no straight answer for me.


----------



## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

Made this just now thinking of this thread


----------



## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Anybody who says looks don't matter is either lying to you or lying to themselves.


----------



## max87 (Aug 7, 2010)

MoniqueS said:


> Physical attraction is important. However, it is not the most important element. I value an emotional and intellectual connection far more than the physical. I also think an attraction can develop after strongly connecting on a deeper level. But unfortunately it doesn't always translate into a strong physical connection. I think chemistry is a necessity in a romantic relationship. But you don't need an overtly attractive person to accomplish this.


I believe that one must think that a person is "cute" or "handsome" to go out with and eventually have a relationship. 
Doesn't mean he has to look like Zack Efron or Brad Pitt for a girl to date him, neither does a girl must look like Katy Perry or Britney Spears for a guy to date her.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Yes it is to a certain point. I've noticed that when I have a crush, I start finding things about them that I see as attractive that I wouldn't see if I didn't have a crush on them.


----------



## Glass Child (Feb 28, 2013)

I voted no as a majority,_ but it does matter_. Never any reason to deny it since it is such a huge influence on everyone. It just isn't super important for the long run.


----------



## Auroras (Jul 24, 2013)

Yes AND No.


----------



## Starss (Apr 27, 2013)

Yes physical attraction is very important. It's more important than personality for me. Can't be with someone


----------



## Starss (Apr 27, 2013)

Yes physical attraction is very important to me. Can't be with someone I don't find attractive.


----------



## x Faceless x (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't care what someone looks like. If I like them as a person, that makes them attractive to me.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

not as much as it used to be. or at least, not as much as I thought it had to be. for most people, I think it takes some time and maturity to get past how their partner looks being a reflection of them, to some degree. taken to extremes, this is narcissism of course, but that's not what I'm talking about here. 

it's all a balancing act. you have to decide what's most important for you in a relationship, and there's several factors involved. only you can decide what those are and in what proportion and importance they fall into for you. the only way you figure that out is by interacting with the opposite sex, dating, etc. 

there's no other way. you can have ideas, but until you try them out, you'll never know for sure.


----------



## MsKarma (Jul 31, 2013)

Physical attraction is important, but for me personality can make guys more attractive. Many girls I know have told me my fiance isn't very attractive (nice of them, right?), yet I find him dead sexy.


----------



## jasiony (Aug 15, 2010)

Physical attraction is very important to me. It has to be there for me to be romantically interested.


----------



## mesmerize (Oct 19, 2012)

its all connected to me. i cant find a person i dont love physicaly atractive and i cant love people i dont find physicaly atractive ...at least used to be like this lol but now i can tell the diference according to common standards but still its all conected to me


----------



## alenclaud (Mar 31, 2013)

I like to look at beautiful stuff, so yes, it matters to a degree.


----------



## ChaoticSoul (Jul 10, 2013)

Lazercarp1 said:


> Anyone who says personality is more important than appearance is lying imo. The facts speak for themselves- its astronomically rare to see a really ugly person with a really attractive partner.


yep, true. Lowering your standards is a pretty dumb suggestion lol, in most cases anxiety will persist when you meet a girl you're attracted to. And i know i will look like an *** now for saying this but i don't have anxiety when i talk to girls im not attracted to, so there's no anxiety when talking to girls in general. But when i meet a girl i like:um


----------



## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

I couldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to physically or mentally. People have different taste and I feel like this is a bit of a silly question..


----------



## Kirit3 (Jul 30, 2013)

No

Do you know how easy it is to change your appearance? As a girl who worked back stage doing lighting in school I can see that. Depending on the lighting
and make up a girl can look like a completely different person every scene. It's all completely meaningless. In my country every other classmate gets cosmetic surgery on their eyes or nose or boobs or chin. They look absolutly beautiful.

Know everyone can be beautiful but it depends at the same time. If you can't accept your partner not being "good" enough then it's not worth hurting someone over. 

If I date someone that person will be the most beautiful person to me. Say if I date a short guy then after a while all guys who are tall are mehh to me, because short is beautiful.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

If im not attracted to a girls physical traits at first I look for psychological traits..


----------



## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

Kirit3 said:


> No
> 
> Do you know how easy it is to change your appearance? As a girl who worked back stage doing lighting in school I can see that. Depending on the lighting
> and make up a girl can look like a completely different person every scene. It's all completely meaningless. In my country every other classmate gets cosmetic surgery on their eyes or nose or boobs or chin. They look absolutly beautiful.
> ...


So you'd still be attracted to the small guy you were dating. If you found him _beautiful_.. It's surely because you find his appearance attractive, as well as who he is as a person? Not what modern society portrays.. But you would have your own personal preference in a man, would you not?


----------



## shatteredself (Jun 4, 2013)

MoniqueS said:


> Physical attraction is important. However, it is not the most important element. I value an emotional and intellectual connection far more than the physical. I also think an attraction can develop after strongly connecting on a deeper level. But unfortunately it doesn't always translate into a strong physical connection. I think chemistry is a necessity in a romantic relationship. But you don't need an overtly attractive person to accomplish this.


I started to write but I saw your comment.
this pretty sums up what I want to say.


----------



## Rubixkoob (Sep 17, 2012)

I would say that it's necessary for initial attraction. If you grow to like them or love them then the need for them to be as attractive as they were when you met them doesn't matter as much, that's my opinion anyway.


----------



## StarDude (May 29, 2011)

Ded Negatives said:


> Yes, physical attraction is important to me. Doesn't matter how great a guy's personality is; if I can't picture myself kissing him, I don't consider him any more than a friend.


This is the most truthful post I've read in this thread so far.


----------



## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

No. In a level of minds passion it does not matter.


----------



## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

I was one of those people who fully believed that personality always wins over physical attractiveness. But on the very few dates I've been on, the guy was not attractive to me at all, and I felt like I was forcing myself to be around them because deep down I didn't see it happening. One guy even had a decent personality and we were well matched in most areas, but I cringed on the inside whenever I saw his face. (There were other issues as well.) So, even though personality is still very important to me, I've got to find the guy physically attractive or it won't work and it won't be fair to either of us.

My standards aren't even that high. He doesn't have to look like Brad Pitt (who by the way isn't all that great looking in my opinion).


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

I'll answer your question with a question. If indeed looks are so important why should you stay married to your spouse when they get old if you have the option to get someone younger?

If it is true that looks are important then it only makes sense for a 40 year old man to dump his 40 year old wife for a younger woman.


----------



## Kirit3 (Jul 30, 2013)

dontwaitupforme said:


> So you'd still be attracted to the small guy you were dating. If you found him beautiful.. It's surely because you find his appearance attractive, as well as who he is as a person? Not what modern society portrays.. But you would have your own personal preference in a man, would you not?


 Honestly I don't. Is that really strange ? I always wonder if there is something wrong with me... I never dated before so my mates would sometimes bring me out to meet people. When they point out "cute" guys I honestly can't tell who they're talking about lol! Do I find actors and actresses attractive? Not really. I kinda wish I do so I would have something to fangirl over with my mates haha. I draw people naked in life drawing biweekly. Classmates would tell me "oh the model this week is sexy!" or "The model this week is so ugly!". I just go ,huh? Is it because this model is skinny? But then this model is also skinny. There is something wrong with her nose? What's wrong with it? It's too big? What on earth is too big? Maybe I'm over thinking it, maybe I just haven't met the right person, but so far I haven't figured out what's physically beautiful or physically ugly yet. It's frustrating in a way haha, my parents are pressuring me to get married.


----------



## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Yes phsyical attraction matters, its not ALL about looks but they are involved.


----------



## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Well looks matter to some degree. I would have a hard time being attracted to someone who is 400 pounds and a big foot look alike. However I would much rather be friends with someone first, and fall in love based on the way they act and treat me. Not based on how they look and my first impression. I honestly take no stock in first impressions. I do not want to date someone just because their face looks nice. I don't understand why so many people (mostly guys that make these kinds of threads) need someone that is super attractive, when theyre miserable and single and usually call themselves ugly. Like the world owes you at least a 7.5 to be happy. Im getting so tired of these threads. Its no wonder why these types of people are single for years and years.


----------



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Yes it is important to gain an initial interest, the guys I know who look the best facially and have good bodies get random girls approaching them. But acting confident and being flirty help the success even more.


----------



## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I think it certainly is important. I want good looks in a person and then I consider their personality and humor, but they need BOTH to attract me - perhaps that's why I'm single?


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Of course it is...


----------



## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

Let us remember that there is such thing as a type of appearance. And every person has his or her ideal and lovable TYPE of appearance. So for some person some definite type of appearance my be just ordinary but for another one it may be quite attractive and so on. So it differs.


----------



## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

But I think personality is more important than looks. But the person should be tidy regardless of whether he/she is attractive or just average.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> I'll answer your question with a question. If indeed looks are so important why should you stay married to your spouse when they get old if you have the option to get someone younger?
> 
> If it is true that looks are important then it only makes sense for a 40 year old man to dump his 40 year old wife for a younger woman.


No one who claims that attraction is "important" ever answers this question.


----------



## jasiony (Aug 15, 2010)

AngelClare said:


> No one who claims that attraction is "important" ever answers this question.


Because A bond eventually develops between these two people to the point where you dont have to be the hottest anymore, they love each other and look past such things, even though there are people out there that do what you suggest.However I dont think they really see each other getting ugly, once you feel that way about someone you sort of keep seeing them in a good light.Yet, I firmly stand by the point that initial physical attraction is important.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

jasiony said:


> Because A bond eventually develops between these two people to the point where you dont have to be the hottest anymore, they love each other and look past such things, even though there are people out there that do what you suggest.However I dont think they really see each other getting ugly, once you feel that way about someone you sort of keep seeing them in a good light.Yet, I firmly stand by the point that initial physical attraction is important.


Great. You're admitting that, in the long run, the bond you have with someone completely overshadows physical attraction. In other words, in the long run, physical attraction is NOT important.

I would even argue that the intensity of the initial attraction is actually due to a false belief that their beauty will make you happy. It's more cultural and psychological than physical. Your friends will envy you. You will feel special because if someone so beautiful wants you that must mean you are not as worthless as you thought.

I'm not claiming that I am somehow beyond physical attraction. But my life experience and the more I have thought about it, lead me to conclude that chasing after beautiful people is a road to misery. It's hard to appreciate people who you really get along with very well when you're so fixated on the idea that a sexy man/woman will bring you happiness.


----------



## jasiony (Aug 15, 2010)

AngelClare said:


> Great. You're admitting that, in the long run, the bond you have with someone completely overshadows physical attraction. In other words, in the long run, physical attraction is NOT important.
> 
> I would even argue that the intensity of the initial attraction is actually due to a false belief that their beauty will make you happy. It's more cultural and psychological than physical. Your friends will envy you. You will feel special because if someone so beautiful wants you that must mean you are not as worthless as you thought.
> 
> I'm not claiming that I am somehow beyond physical attraction. But my life experience and the more I have thought about it, lead me to conclude that chasing after beautiful people is a road to misery. It's hard to appreciate people who you really get along with very well when you're so fixated on the idea that a sexy man/woman will bring you happiness.


Not really, I still think you would see them in a good light. Sure you would notice in 20 years that they have lost some of it, but I don't think you will ever consider them ugly. I'm not arguing that physical attraction is all there is, I am saying that it is important to forming that relationship which goes beyond the friendship level, I mean why do most people approach someone they would consider dating? because they saw them and thought they were attractive, if they thought they were ugly they wouldn't bother with trying for a potential date.


----------



## Mtnman (Aug 1, 2013)

Yeah it's important. Not necessarily from a cosmetic view (though like anyone else I am attracted to certain features) but also knowing she takes care of her body.


----------



## Noll (Mar 29, 2011)

i'd be lying if i said it wasn't.


----------



## Ded Negatives (Jul 16, 2013)

StarDude said:


> This is the most truthful post I've read in this thread so far.


Good to know someone appreciates it.


----------



## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

Yes, but they don't have to be a supermodel. I am attracted to many different types of women. Tall, short, skinny,fat, brunette, blonde, red head,...etc.


----------



## WBK2013 (Apr 15, 2013)

More important than personality if I'm honest, but only just.


----------



## Kirit3 (Jul 30, 2013)

dontwaitupforme said:


> No, there's nothing wrong you at all. I think we've had our wires crossed  Having models/actors/actress etc shoved in your face doesn't necessarily make them attractive. And a lot of people I don't think could go for someone just on face value. However if there was a person you had gotten to know, taken an interest in and started to feel attracted to them. There would be something about their looks that would also draw you in. Little qualities you never realised you were into until you found yourself enamoured by them in some way?


Thank you . For not calling me a weird person and breaking down the feeling for me who doesn't understand.

Since I never had a romantic relationship I'm not sure I can really answer. Guy friend wise they're all awesome so arrrgg.  I think I will pay more attention next time I see guys.


----------

