# How do you actually kick this disorder's ***?



## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

I am so sick of having it and everyone thinking there's something wrong with me.
Just tell me how to become a loud-mouthed people person and fake extroversion besides "pretend you already are". I don't know what it is to be truly extroverted, so I can't pretend.
I need step by step instructions.


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## 000XXX000 (Dec 1, 2013)

SmokeGem said:


> I am so sick of having it and everyone thinking there's something wrong with me.
> Just tell me how to become a loud-mouthed people person and fake extroversion besides "pretend you already are". I don't know what it is to be truly extroverted, so I can't pretend.
> I need step by step instructions.


k. here ya go:

http://www.wikihow.com/Go-from-Introvert-to-Extrovert


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

000XXX000 said:


> k. here ya go:
> 
> http://www.wikihow.com/Go-from-Introvert-to-Extrovert


Read it, millions of times, did me no good.
I need it straight from the experts themselves. In their own words.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

Looks like nobody has any advice for me.


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## Fear Goggles (Dec 18, 2011)

All too frequently people equate introversion and social anxiety. You need to learn to accept yourself and your introverted qualities. Paradoxically, once you become more comfortable with your introversion, you'll find yourself more sociable than ever before. Introversion/Extroversion is a spectrum and no one person only possesses introverted or extroverted characteristics, though one is usually more dominant than the other. 

I believe much of the problem for introverts who think there's an inherent problem with their introverted preferences starts in childhood. The majority of the population is predominately extroverted (about 60%), and schools make the mistake of trying to foster those qualities in students whilst failing to champion the strengths and advantages of introversion. Too many people grow up with the opinion that there "must be something wrong with them" because they don't share the same interests as their peers and are rarely praised by our extroversion-driven society. These experiences of alienation at a young age create feelings of anxiety which can sometimes spiral out of control and leave people with debilitating anxiety disorders. Remember, it's not your introversion which is the issue; it's the way in which you've been conditioned to react to it. What prevents you from integrating into social situations is your presumption that you can't, and all the negative thought patterns associated with it. It's likely that you've felt socially inadequate for a long time and so isolated yourself, never giving yourself the opportunity to develop social skills. From my experience; introverts are better conversation partners than extroverts, it's just a matter of learning how to talk freely, and not listening to your anxiety. It takes time and patience; nothing is going to change over night. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is an extremely useful tool in dealing with anxiety, I suggest you look into it.


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

I used a lot of caffeine paired with nicotine. I then thought of how I wanted people to see me. I decided that I wanted people to see me as a super outgoing extrovert. So I walked through the parking lot. I saw a security guard in the distance and thought to myself, "this is a good chance to put things into motion, you must say hi to the security guard. It will kick start your outgoingness". I walked by the security guard, looked, and waved. Right then and there, I had built a small amount of confidence. From that moment, until the end of the week, I was very outgoing. It just takes one triumph to start a chain reaction. Find some way that you can make a simple display of extrovertedness, and before long, it will be second nature. Once you start, you have some momentum. You must not get complacent. You have to exercise your abilities each chance you get, and over time, you will become a lot more outgoing. It honestly just takes effort on your part. It is very easy to sit and complain about not being an extrovert, but you must be proactive and take action. Don't waste an opportunity.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Find a way to invalidate your insecurities. It can be a person, place, or thing.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

Fear Goggles said:


> All too frequently people equate introversion and social anxiety. You need to learn to accept yourself and your introverted qualities. Paradoxically, once you become more comfortable with your introversion, you'll find yourself more sociable than ever before. Introversion/Extroversion is a spectrum and no one person only possesses introverted or extroverted characteristics, though one is usually more dominant than the other.
> 
> I believe much of the problem for introverts who think there's an inherent problem with their introverted preferences starts in childhood. The majority of the population is predominately extroverted (about 60%), and schools make the mistake of trying to foster those qualities in students whilst failing to champion the strengths and advantages of introversion. Too many people grow up with the opinion that there "must be something wrong with them" because they don't share the same interests as their peers and are rarely praised by our extroversion-driven society. These experiences of alienation at a young age create feelings of anxiety which can sometimes spiral out of control and leave people with debilitating anxiety disorders. Remember, it's not your introversion which is the issue; it's the way in which you've been conditioned to react to it. What prevents you from integrating into social situations is your presumption that you can't, and all the negative thought patterns associated with it. It's likely that you've felt socially inadequate for a long time and so isolated yourself, never giving yourself the opportunity to develop social skills. From my experience; introverts are better conversation partners than extroverts, it's just a matter of learning how to talk freely, and not listening to your anxiety. It takes time and patience; nothing is going to change over night. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is an extremely useful tool in dealing with anxiety, I suggest you look into it.


Tried it. I can probably deal with blushing and sweating or shaking by ignoring it and maybe others will (otherwise I will act like I don't know what they are talking about or change the subject quickly) but I can't seem to shake my serious outlook on life.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

You can't shift from introversion to extroversion, whatever you are at your core is who you will always be with few exceptions. You can widen your zone of comfort little by little but your introversion will always play a role in your social life. I think you'll be ok little smokey, just keep trucking along.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Welcome, SmokeGem!


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

Check out Lifetimer thread on overcoming SA.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...d-the-cause-of-sa-for-most-98335/index18.html

It will be process to overcome SA. I have been going through the process for a while now. I went from severe to mild SA and extroverted too. Dont expect instant gratification.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

rambo said:


> Check out Lifetimer thread on overcoming SA.
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...d-the-cause-of-sa-for-most-98335/index18.html
> 
> It will be process to overcome SA. I have been going through the process for a while now. I went from severe to mild SA and extroverted too. Dont expect instant gratification.


Then that just makes me think I can validate my blame on others for giving me this. Which is where my desire to rebel so badly stems from.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

SmokeGem said:


> Then that just makes me think I can validate my blame on others for giving me this. Which is where my desire to rebel so badly stems from.


If you read about it more, it will tell you not to do that and how not to do that.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

SmokeGem, do you like long walks on the beach per chance?


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

you can't really get rid of it. Just try and control it.


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## hworth (Mar 31, 2013)

Here's the best advice you'll ever get: Start on nardil (phenelzine)


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## tobi08 (Dec 29, 2008)

its hard for us who are so vulnerable to criticsm to be around people. Thats why its hard to accept ourselfs because it makes us vulnerable and "weak" so to say. I really cant hide my anxiety/boredom/irritation from others... but let me say it this way: people who judge you because of your bad qualities have these qualities in some kind in themselves too. Otherwise they wouldnt see your insecurities, they would just say "he has a bad day" but they dont judge you as a bad person. 
Its hard i know.. im also trying to accept myself with all my flaws. Its not easy but its the first most important step i believe.#Trtying to fake the confidence will not do you any good in the long run because you are betraying yourself. I know that, have been doing that for awhile.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

crimeclub said:


> SmokeGem, do you like long walks on the beach per chance?


I despise the beach.


hworth said:


> Here's the best advice you'll ever get: Start on nardil (phenelzine)


I no longer believe in synthetic medications nor have the money for them.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

SmokeGem said:


> I am so sick of having it and everyone thinking there's something wrong with me.
> Just tell me how to become a loud-mouthed people person and fake extroversion besides "pretend you already are". I don't know what it is to be truly extroverted, so I can't pretend.
> I need step by step instructions.


Ok, I have had this disorder for 40 + years and I haven't overcome it, it has been greatly improved over the years. I am not a loud mouthed person and I don't fake extroversion. What I do is that I take a genuine interest in others, I remember other peoples' names, I do volunteer work and I call others' from time to time. I also do things for others. So for example, if there is an event at church where I can take pictures, I do and give the pictures to others. It doesn't cost much, people appreciate the pictures and I am doing something for someone else. At work, if someone needs a ride once in a while, I help them. Now I have a few friends, not many. I have a friend who is VERY outgoing and from what I see, she takes an interest in other people, she forgives people easily. She is involved in church and makes friends very easily and she has an interesting personality and is a lot of fun. She can relate to others easily. Extroversion is not something that can be faked, you either have it or you don't. Her father is very outgoing so she takes after her father in that regard. I think genetics play a big role in whether you are outgoing or not. I have another coworker who is very outgoing and she takes after her father as well. He used to talk a lot and so does she. She is very friendly and is invited to all the social events and gives parties as well. She has many friends, a large family and a boyfriend, most people like her. She is the life of the party, as is my outgoing friend. Both outgoing women are also leaders, they make things happen, they don't sit back and let things happen.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

Now I will say this, my father is very outgoing and has many friends. He can't remember peoples' names but people allow him to do this because he is friendly. But I have tried it and I can't LOL!!!! My mother is very outgoing and she used to be shy early in life but not for long, she learned to be outgoing and she also had many friends and was very outgoing. She had to be in order to be with my father, my father liked to spend time with friends and he liked to travel and he needed a wife that was like him. My mother used to always call people and ask them how they were doing (she took an interest in other people). She got that from my grandmother who was the same way. People like when you take an interest in them, that is how relationships develop and friendships develop among people. People like to talk about their lives, their children, their spouses, they like to talk about the similarities and differences that they are dealing with in life. Watch and see what people are talking about on a daily basis among themselves, they are talking about what they did over the holiday, their children, their spouses, how they dealt with a problem they had to face and the list goes on. What we reveal and how we can help others determine how and when people reach out to us for advice or help or just to talk.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

Tried it all. Still have trouble _keeping_ said friends.


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## fcmallari02 (Dec 2, 2013)

Omg, I feel so outcast, I'm on family gathering, all my cousin having a goodtime, while me sitting on the corner with oldies :/


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

Fear Goggles said:


> *You need to learn to accept yourself and your introverted qualities. Paradoxically, once you become more comfortable with your introversion, you'll find yourself more sociable than ever before. *
> 
> I believe much of the problem for introverts who think there's an inherent problem with their introverted preferences starts in childhood.


*Lies, lies, lies, yeah!* - That is just self-defeating behavior to "accept" my introversion, when to cure it, I need to go _against_ it. Or else I will live with regrets like "I should have gone out with my friend" and now it's too late when it's 3 am and he's no longer awake.

My introversion came from being a homeschooled loser because I was a mama's girl who believed I had asperger's disease for 8 years. And I let that limit my life.


rdrr said:


> Find a way to invalidate your insecurities. It can be a person, place, or thing.


My insecurities are completely validated, if my extreme social awkwardness is anything to go by. Hence why I made my "please act like a normal human being thread" I made as the title is an actual quotation from my ex-friend.

So it is bullcrap.


nothing else said:


> you can't really get rid of it. Just try and control it.


No ****, Sherlock

Now the question is "how"?


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## Jfisch (Mar 11, 2014)

Well one of the best things to do, is stop thinking of having that disorder because it just makes anxiety where there wasn't before. 

Think of maybe why you feel the need to make friends so badly, and what you even consider a friend in the first place. Because you can be a person not controlled by their anxiety who simply chooses to have a small amount of friends.


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## SAnonimous (Mar 20, 2014)

1. Positive thoughts only
2. Get out of your comfort zone
3. Don't overthink
4. Don't procrastinate
5. Meditate to relax and calm down your nerves.

Every mental disorder, including SA, can be completely cured. It's all in your brain - you can't erase or create new brain cells, but you can alter the connections between them.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

Seems like your attitude is the real issue, being overly self depricating,defeatist and wanting things on a plate.

Everyone is different, there is no magic cure or bullet point to sucess list which anyone give to an individual,even more so without knowing every single detail about your issues and life


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## paulyD (Feb 16, 2011)

SmokeGem said:


> I am so sick of having it and everyone thinking there's something wrong with me.
> Just tell me how to become a loud-mouthed people person and fake extroversion besides "pretend you already are". I don't know what it is to be truly extroverted, so I can't pretend.
> I need step by step instructions.


1) Your unconcious mind is putting you into an anxious state to protect you because it percieves social events as threatening. The very first thing that you need to do is resolve this inner conflict. You do this with NLP (neuro linguistic programming). The NLP techniques that achieve this are parts integration, fast phobia cure and time line therapy

2) Become an expert at getting yourself into a confident state. Social phobia is just a state (a state is like a mood e.g happy, sad, angry etc...). It's just an anxious state. The opposite is a confident state. So you need to become an expert at getting yourself into a confident state. this is how you do it :

*pattern interupt. Interupt your anxious pattern. When you are in a negative state this is refered to as a pattern. A pattern is like a dvd. It's like your brain is running the social phobia dvd. What happens if you scratch a dvd ? it wont work aswell next time, it will jump and skip etc....

You can use literally anything as a pattern interupt. Personally I have a few videos on my mobile of things that inspire me. Every time I watch them it interupts my pattrn

*change physiology. Relax your body, use deep breathing exercises, move around a lot

*change focus. Your focus is what you are thinking about and where you place your attention. There are countless positive thinking technqiues from NLP and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) so just play around with them until you find one that suits you. 
Focus your attention outside of yourself onto other people and things indtead of focusing on yourself

*anchoring. remember a time from the past when you was confident. step inside your body and feel the feelings of confidence. then squeeze your thumb and finger together. if you do this everyday then eventually whenever you squeeze your thumb and finger together you will put yourself into a confident state

3) Secondary gains. You get a secondary gain fromsocial phobia. a secondary gain is like a benefit. all problem behaviours offer benefits. for example some woman beleive that if they lose weight they will become sexual objects. therefore being fat gives them a benefit. 
the benefit you get from social phobia is that it keeps you safe from rejection, ridicule, humiliation etc..... .

You need to find another way of getting the same benefit that social phobia gives you. You need to find another way to keep yourself safe from rejection etc.... . But you need to find a way that doesn't ave consequences. social phobia gives you benefits but also consequences. the consequences of social phobia are loneliness, boredom and isolation.

Basically you need to 'counter' social phobia with something else. You counter it with :

1)come out 
2)lower your standards

come out - you need to come out as a social phobic like people come out as homosexuals. you need to tell people what you are going through. That way other people will help you to build your confidence. If you dont come out then people wont understand you. they will percieve your quiet behaviour as unfriendly and aloof and they will react negatively to you

lower your stadards - don't try and hang around with the cool and popular people. if you do that then you probably will receive the rejection and ridicule that you fear. lower yur standards and hang around with anybody. hang around with the freaks if you have to cos even the freaks have got social skills. hang around with literally anybody

4) helping relationships. get help and support from people. join a support group, see a counsellor, ask friends, family and work colleagues to help you

5)Reward. reward yourself for facing your fears

6)enviroment control. put yourself into a sociable enviroment and around sociable role models. you might even have to move to a new place. you wont be able to blossom socially in a bad enviroment around bad role models

7)focus on progress not perfection. start small , take it step by step and be happy with your progress no matter how small. forget about being perfect and if you make a mistake its not the end of the world. you'll learn from it

8) self help products. every day listen to a hypnosis cd or thinkrightnows social anxiety cd www.thinkrightnow.com


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

CEB32 said:


> Seems like your attitude is the real issue, being overly self depricating,defeatist and wanting things on a plate.
> 
> Everyone is different, there is no magic cure or bullet point to sucess list which anyone give to an individual,even more so without knowing every single detail about your issues and life


Of course, being in special ed for so many years made me used to that expectation.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

Familiarity in this case is an illusion which only hurts though, best to toss it to the kerb ;-)


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

paulyD said:


> 1)
> 
> 1)come out
> 2)lower your standards
> ...


I have tried to come out, but nobody understands. They think it's regular shyness.

I also had someone guess right away without getting to tell them that I'm "agoraphobic".

There are no freaks in community college. And in my stupid useless occupational center class there is only old people and young people and inbetweeners.

My standards are the lowest of the low right now and lowered since high school.

Freaks move on to employment after graduating high school.

The absence of freaks might make me feel better, seeing as I don't have to see myself as one but the cool people are all that's left. And even the "normal" people are too cool for me.

I'd have to advertise my self as a freak and just wear weird hats or just try to act *NORMAL *for once.

My life is broken aesop after broken aesop now that I'm an adult.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

Answer: Manipulative Psychology. 

It rewires your personality into an extrovert.


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## Karl20 (Mar 26, 2014)

Learn how to control your emotions and recognize those emotions if your mad over a small thing snap out of it , you have to understand that being alone is okay you actually will get tired of people once you get on extrovert side and you will want time from people to recover if your real introvert.Another thing you have to challange yourself and move out of your comfort zone doesn't matter what it is you have to keep challanging yourself.

Now for the tips that can help you do this take care of your self .
1.Be clean , if your a guy take care of your skin wash your face be well groomed get a haircut if you need one.
2.Clothing you have to have a nice wardrobe it makes you feel better about yourself and makes you feel more confident.
3.Exercise/eat well there's a lot of studys showing that exercise helps with depression and SA also having a nice body is a + in no matter what you do people do look at your looks first impression lands you a job or a date with a girl most of the time.
4.Don't compare yourself to other people this is the worst thing i ever did to myself is look at my ex-friends , classmates seeing where they are in they're life's going to college having a job etc.
5.Challange yourself with small tasks like saying Hi to your Gym trainers or cashier look them in the eyes and smile while saying it.Then move on to bigger tasks like having a small talk or speak out for example if someone is skipping in line don't be afraid to speak out.Look people in the eyes when you walk past them don't keep your eyes down.


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## Gas Raid (Feb 19, 2014)

SmokeGem said:


> I am so sick of having it and everyone thinking there's something wrong with me.
> Just tell me how to become a loud-mouthed people person and fake extroversion besides "pretend you already are". I don't know what it is to be truly extroverted, so I can't pretend.
> I need step by step instructions.


Nobody thinks there's anything wrong with you, I guarantee it. You don't have to fake anything, be yourself no matter what, and the rest will gel.


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

KvLT said:


> Nobody thinks there's anything wrong with you, I guarantee it. You don't have to fake anything, be yourself no matter what, and the rest will gel.


:rofl


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## anxietysux9 (Mar 25, 2014)

You cant kick it there is no ****ing fix just either take drugs or drink smoke whatever to numb the feeling man


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## SmokeGem (Mar 19, 2013)

anxietysux9 said:


> You cant kick it there is no ****ing fix just either take drugs or drink smoke whatever to numb the feeling man


And get a humiliating job to boot.


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