# Met a local SASer and went for a short hike :)



## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

*Met a local SASer and went for a short hike  eta- funny story*

Kinda last minute, was pretty anxious about this and avoiding but we finally were able to just go do it and meet up.  Yay @*Cheesecake* we are making progress overcoming this bit by bit. Also exercise is a bonus and deeeer, loooots of deer. Need to go earlier next time to take in all the history but it was a good first meet.

Funny story to it....
I pull into the parking lot, we agreed to meet in the back of the lot (yes it's a public park with people in the daytime). This way it's easier to see eachother. I see this _solo_ car sitting there and think, OH THAT'S CHEESECAKE! Hilarity and awkwardness ensues....

He looks over at me as I open the door. I realize. It is NOT Cheesecake same time I look at him expecting him to _be_ cheesecake.

Man: "Do I know you? Because you're looking at me like you know me?"
Me: Kinda smiling and confused "No, but I am looking to meet up with someone who should be here soon." (I make note of all the random junk he has in his car and empty boxes? Boxes o'stuff. Then start questioning and doubting self....this _isn't_ cheesecake right? Lol
Him: "What is your dog's name?" I brought my dog.
Me: "Binkie"
Him: "Well, he is cute...." 
Me: "Thank you."

Feeling mighty awkward at this point and realizing that I've created this awkward situation by parking next to this random guy I don't know lol >_>

Anyway, Cheese comes in and I tell him what I did, we're both amused and then realize I forgot the camera. So I _insist_ he go back there with me because I feel awkward. Meanwhile, man watches entire everything unfold XD

So yup, I'm A+ at this.

Also we have been working on a book together by Dr. Burns in overcoming issues- proud to say we are _at least_ half way though :yay Just need to keep it up in this direction and not slow down. I think we can and others can as well. It helps to have fellow SAS support, makes it easier. I would also encourage anyone who wants to do self help books to pair up or group up with other SASers to get it done. It's much easier and more fun this way.

Anyway, feeling a little proud as this was a big deal I think for both us since we deal with SA. I might have a dark video or picture later to upload but it's back to preparing for therapy ect tomorrow.


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## TheClown7 (Oct 15, 2013)

That's great. :clap


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Glad to see at least some of us are improving. Congrats.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

That's fantastic. Congratulations. It's got to be great to have someone close by you can be anxious and progress with.


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## Zadaliya (Apr 7, 2015)

That's awesome!


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Good job and good luck with your therapy.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Phew , glad you didn't get murdered 
Lol


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## XRik7X (Jun 11, 2014)

Good job! Wish that I could find people with SA in ecuador but seems that they dont exist .


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Grog said:


> Phew , glad you didn't get murdered
> Lol


How would she? She met the guy (or girl?) in public first as people should.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

LichtLune said:


> How would she? She met the guy (or girl?) in public first as people should.


Yeah and then went for a hike where a murder could easily take place .


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Aww awesome, that's great to hear  I've met @Cheesecake before, he's a cool guy!  Hope you can overcome stuff together. It always helps to have some good support in person.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Grog said:


> Yeah and then went for a hike where a murder could easily take place .


You have to have some form of trust in your life or you're in for a bad ride. The reality is that anyone could kill you if they wanted. You gotta go off your own intuitions.


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## quesara (Jul 25, 2015)

Aw, that's awesome! I wish someone lived closer to me. But I love the idea of working through a book together.


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## TheOLDPrince (Jan 18, 2014)

@Cheesecake you lucky bast*** :lol


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

TheClown7 said:


> That's great. :clap


Merci!



Kevin001 said:


> Glad to see at least some of us are improving. Congrats.


You are too and thank you Kevin



minimized said:


> That's fantastic. Congratulations. It's got to be great to have someone close by you can be anxious and progress with.


It certainly helps and thanks for the support!



McFly said:


> Good job and good luck with your therapy.


Thank you, need it, anxious about it tomorrow. Much appreciated.



Zadaliya said:


> That's awesome!


Ty!



Grog said:


> Phew , glad you didn't get murdered
> Lol


This is irrational but thanks? I guess I'm glad many people aren't murdered at any point in time.



Richi97 said:


> Good job! Wish that I could find people with SA in ecuador but seems that they dont exist .


There are basically none of us in Atlanta apparently. I did try to look before and so far it's just Cheese and I. Which is fine and thank you!



Grog said:


> Yeah and then went for a hike where a murder could easily take place .


Are you trolling? I guess I mean, we were lucky to escape the deer - that doe tho and happy families with kids.



meepie said:


> Aww awesome, that's great to hear  I've met @Cheesecake before, he's a cool guy!  Hope you can overcome stuff together. It always helps to have some good support in person.


Yea! He told me and then I got super excited, you can ask him.....thinking you were here too but you aren't  lame. Come back!



LichtLune said:


> You have to have some form of trust in your life or you're in for a bad ride. The reality is that anyone could kill you if they wanted. You gotta go off your own intuitions.


This is true ^_^ otherwise you live in a bubble and never do anything or live. Thank you for the support @LichtLune

Also everyone again, thank you! I also need to get over my thread starting anxiety. The struggle is real.


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## LoneWolf14 (Dec 18, 2014)

Congrats!


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## MissIndependent (May 31, 2010)

Reaffected, that's awesome!



reaffected said:


> Also we have been working on a book together by Dr. Burns in overcoming issues- proud to say we are _at least_ half way though :yay Just need to keep it up in this direction and not slow down. I think we can and others can as well. It helps to have fellow SAS support, makes it easier. I would also encourage anyone who wants to do self help books to pair up or group up with other SASers to get it done. It's much easier and more fun this way.


Awesome, way to go!!


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

@reaffected: Nah, only reason I visited was my family was on vacation in yoru wonderful state, so I got to see a good friend of mine online. I'll be back one day though, maybe next summer, and we all three can meet


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## Cheesecake (Feb 2, 2007)

It was a nice time, despite the physical toll the hike had on my body. I thought I could handle it, but I was deerly mistaken.

Thanks for the help you've been, it's much appreciated. Making progress, and hopefully we can keep making progress.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

that sounds lovely


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

yay! that sounds like something exciting ! 

OMG ! and the little debacle with the guy at the beginning who wasn't cheesecake LOL

see! people dont bite  most of them are pleasant i would like to think


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## klvmm (Sep 16, 2015)

That sounds like fun.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

*Thank you everyone for the support (hugs) means a bunch to me (sure cheese as well)!*

Hard overcome the fear and anxiety, you know? I was fairly nervous before but we braved it.

@*quesara* Well, the good thing about the book is that you don't have to find someone close. 

@*TheOLDPrince* Lawlz. I don't think he was feeling that way 1/4 into it lol.

@*LoneWolf14* Merci beaucoup!

@*MissIndependent* Thank you! Still much more progress to do. I'll get there.

@*meepie* Where all did y'all go? There are a decent amount of things to do here and I know many of the secrets  Unfortunately, I'll be moving out of state my next summer if everything goes to plan (easily by then).



Cheesecake said:


> It was a nice time, despite the physical toll the hike had on my body. I thought I could handle it, but I was deerly mistaken.
> 
> Thanks for the help you've been, it's much appreciated. Making progress, and hopefully we can keep making progress.


CHEESECAKES!!!!!!!!!!! Deerly mistaken eh? Just as I was deerly mistaken at who I pulled up next too >< You were a deer though and didn't embarrass me further for it  We'll go again (to the top!) and should completely watch a reenactment and/or get something from the gift shop. Dress up? Maybe? Or Trilobites is an option... Applefest is soon as well... TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!









@*Joe* Thank you, it was good progress for both of us. Better hike in the future! Will go earlier.

@*KILOBRAVO* It was of sorts! Ha! Glad you got a kick out of my awkwardness and the random man "Do I know you because you're looking at me like I know you..." >> Maybe that's just my normal face... lol

I'm _slowly, very slowly _learning that not everyone bites and I need to get myself out there more and hiding less.

@*klvmm* It was! You should do something similar sometimes. In fact, many of us should.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

I've had a few of those events when I asked strangers who seemed like as if they were also coming for a certain event a mall food court turn out ... they weren't.  Interestingly, for me SA symptoms were only there before approaching and during asking but I didn't worry about it when it turned out that they weren't.



reaffected said:


> I also need to get over my thread starting anxiety. The struggle is real.


You've already taken the steps needed. Just a "few" more and you'll be done!


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## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

@reaffected Oh! I'm just seeing this! This is awesome! Your idea to team up on the Burns book is genius. I think my unaccountable self who always starts things and never finishes would benefit from something like that. Congrats!! :squeeze


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

@reaffected and @Cheesecake hiking in my neck of the woods soon? I wish. It's cool meeting people.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

VanDamme said:


> I've had a few of those events when I asked strangers who seemed like as if they were also coming for a certain event a mall food court turn out ... they weren't.  Interestingly, for me SA symptoms were only there before approaching and during asking but I didn't worry about it when it turned out that they weren't.
> 
> You've already taken the steps needed. Just a "few" more and you'll be done!


That's awesome! So you cold approached them? I should challenge myself to do this and actually approach/talk to a stranger even if it's something small. I try to compliment people at checkouts or lines if I see something that I fancy.

Just a few more would be a job then career and I'll be good (fingers crossed)



kesker said:


> @*reaffected* Oh! I'm just seeing this! This is awesome! Your idea to team up on the Burns book is genius. I think my unaccountable self who always starts things and never finishes would benefit from something like that. Congrats!! :squeeze


Exactly! It's fantastic accountability and kinda interesting to compare scores and learn about the other person's issues in what areas. Then you both tackle them. I'm now wishing I started a thread a while ago with an open invite to do the book as a group. :squeeze Kesker! *supporter of hugs*! You need this title!



JustThisGuy said:


> @*reaffected* and @*Cheesecake* hiking in my neck of the woods soon? I wish. It's cool meeting people.


You aren't too far right...Road trip? :lol I know of some cool places to hike in NC and family there as well. If I'm ever in that area I would definitely be up for it. Certainly next time I visit family


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

reaffected said:


> That's awesome! So you cold approached them? I should challenge myself to do this and actually approach/talk to a stranger even if it's something small. I try to compliment people at checkouts or lines if I see something that I fancy.


Yep. A wrote about it in my recent (rather looooong  ) progress update http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...re-for-social-anxiety-has-been-found-1617434/ that I could "push through" SA most of the time. So, I could do it ... but it wasn't "pretty"  I even did cold calling a few times when I was looking for work. Even with a script it was quite difficult. As someone also mentioned it, talking in person was a little easier though than talking on the phone (e.g. ordering pizza) http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f25/hi-fellow-sufferers-1621889/

I don't usually go to fast food places but this week I felt like doing a little progress check so I dropped by Wendy's and Subway. Last time I was there was probably a year ago. It was soooooo amazing to not have those extra SA processes! As with other situations, I still felt a little tension but that was it! It's kind of like leaving a noisy club at night and there's barely any sound on the street. So different.

Interesting, that you mentioned complementing strangers. I remembered hearing about that but never actually did it. In fact, it was only in the last few months that I noticed that I was noticing certain things that I could compliment, probably because SA was diverting my attention in the past. Unfortunately, the people weren't that close to me so I couldn't actually talk to them. But sooner or later somebody will. 

Someone in a support group did something similar: he asked random strangers (on transit) the icebreaker question: "What's your favorite vegetable?" 



reaffected said:


> Just a few more would be a job then career and I'll be good (fingers crossed)


You'll be there soon enough. You have the spirit. I believe in you.


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

VanDamme said:


> Someone in a support group did something similar: he asked random strangers (on transit) the icebreaker question: "What's your favorite vegetable?"
> 
> You'll be there soon enough. You have the spirit. I believe in you.


Thanks, I certainly do have the spirit: stubborn. I also find it _much _easier to talk to someone in person than on the phone. There is a 10x difference. Much like webcam. I would rather just meet in person than do that.

One of my roommates wants to take me with him to bars and work on approaching people (he has a problem with this too-he doesn't have SA at all but problems approaching women). The idea intrigues me but also terrifies me (naturally). I would say baby steps to that but I'm sure he'll just go for it.

After my running/hiking injury I was glad/proud to be able to sit here, be approached by a handsome guy, and handle the conversation just fine with very little anxiety. In the past flashing lights of *RUNRUNRUN* would be going off in my head.

Another fun exercise is going into the grocery or any store and asking for help even when you don't really need it. Using that opportunity to make small talk as well. I've noticed most people smile and light up at the talk since it's kinda breaks up the monotony of it. Last time I did this I was offered a phone number though >>


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## dj51234 (Dec 31, 2011)

Lol that's awesome!


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

dj51234 said:


> Lol that's awesome!


EEEEeeeee! Thank you <3 Also huge thank you for resume help, I'll be PM'ing you soon.  Baby progress.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

reaffected said:


> Thanks, I certainly do have the spirit: stubborn. I also find it much easier to talk to someone in person than on the phone. There is a 10x difference. Much like webcam. I would rather just meet in person than do that.


By stubborn, do you mean commited?  Sometimes, we have to follow OUR path and thay may not agree with others' opinion



reaffected said:


> One of my roommates wants to take me with him to bars and work on approaching people (he has a problem with this too-he doesn't have SA at all but problems approaching women).


So, you're going to be his wing ... [hmmm, what is the politically correct term nowadays] ... wingPERSON?  As far as the approach is concerned, what does he have in mind? It might work if When I had to give a speech as part of the group it was a bit easier but for having conversation it was a lot better to have someone you know there because if you didn't know what to say to or ask from the new person then you could always ask the known person and the conversation would continue.

You mentioned that he doesn't have SA. Basically, for him the approach is no problem and he just needs to practice the other areas (what he says and notice what works with different types of people)?



reaffected said:


> Another fun exercise is going into the grocery or any store and asking for help even when you don't really need it. Using that opportunity to make small talk as well. I've noticed most people smile and light up at the talk since it's kinda breaks up the monotony of it. Last time I did this I was offered a phone number though >>


Yes, it works both ways! You just have to go for i..... Oh wait, I'm guessing the expression at the end is indicating the opposite.

I also gave my phone number to lots of people .... and by that I mean, when I was asked  A few situations were good practice though. e.g. instead of giving my store card, I would say my phone number (only few stores have that functionality).


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Way to go!


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

Another idea might be to do what this person did.

How to become more confident? lay down on the street for 30sec - Till H. Gros





The "fun" part is that chances are sooner or later somebody will ask you "Are you ok?" or "What are you doing?" so you have chance for small talk. To take care of possible worries, try to:
1) count the number of seconds till somebody approaches you
2) as people approach you (and pass by) try to guess who will be the next person asking the questions above.
Have fun! :grin2:


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## rosecolored (May 13, 2012)

That's great  Congrats!


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## reaffected (Sep 3, 2011)

*There is more to come soon- Event #2*

@*Noca* I'm just now seeing this but I would like to say thank you "you're face _is _really soft." :lol

@*VanDamme* I actually quite liked of what I thought was going to be a rather gimmicky video but I gave it a chance. He has many valid points such as his simple/easy to understand curve of anxiety vs exposure. It couldn't be explained in an easier way. The methods might be a bit err unconventional but the lesson is the same. I did like when he said "let's just get this fear of rejection over with." I did something like that in NYC but more like "flooding" in regards to being an agoraphobic with anxiety.

@*rosecolored* Just now seeing but you aren't without recognition! Thank you for the support


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## LostCause2011 (Apr 18, 2013)

That's really nice to her I'm happy for you. Also I'm trying to write a book any tips on publishing and how are you doing self published or going to publishers if you want to here what my story is about I'll post back. The main character of my book has social anxiety.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

reaffected said:


> The methods might be a bit err unconventional but the lesson is the same. I did like when he said "let's just get this fear of rejection over with." I did something like that in NYC but more like "flooding" in regards to being an agoraphobic with anxiety.


Yep, different things work for different people. 

I wish "flooding" was working for me. The first time I attended Toastmasters for 9 months, every meet was pretty much "flooding" as the fear response symptoms were really intense and didn't decrease. Now that I think of it, I'm not even sure how I was able to push myself through that and many similar social events. :con Probably, I was really motivated!


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

reaffected said:


> @*Noca* I'm just now seeing this but I would like to say thank you "you're face _is _really soft." :lol
> 
> @*VanDamme* I actually quite liked of what I thought was going to be a rather gimmicky video but I gave it a chance. He has many valid points such as his simple/easy to understand curve of anxiety vs exposure. It couldn't be explained in an easier way. The methods might be a bit err unconventional but the lesson is the same. I did like when he said "let's just get this fear of rejection over with." I did something like that in NYC but more like "flooding" in regards to being an agoraphobic with anxiety.
> 
> @*rosecolored* Just now seeing but you aren't without recognition! Thank you for the support


Yes my face is soft and squishy lol. It is very much real if that was your next question.


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