# I never thought I could do these things.



## Esmae (Feb 14, 2017)

..... When you choose to be ready, when you are tired of avoiding things & accepting that things might go a bit wrong/awkward you can achieve anything. 

January 2019, I was a stay at home mum, my youngest now in school & I was really feeling the pressure to find work. (I had a little part time job before he was born but I had to leave because I had complications) 
I had been looking at jobs for a couple of years, just thinking about it. I saw one & decided to apply, I got a interview, it was one of the worst experiences ever, manger was just awful & I couldn't wait to get out. I went home & cried. 

Couple days later I see one that's perfect, I do nothing for a couple weeks, then one day decide f*** it! Sent my cv. I got a email back same day for interview, went that day & got offered the job same day. 
One of my fears is answering phones, which I do a few times a week, it is slowly getting easier. I also accepted extra training which means I now go to meetings & recently quite alot of zoom meetings. 
Before this job I literally would have done anything other then a zoom meeting. 
I still get shakey, I still get nervous, but I write done all the info I think I might need & have my notebook open in front of me (everyone else in the meetings does that too) I've also realised that I don't care what any of these people look/sound like or if they get something wrong & then change it. So why worry that they would be judging me? & if they were it shouldn't matter to me. 

Something worse that I have always feared is speaking in front of people, I always remember once in school standing in front of everyone, I was shaking so much my words hardly came out & i couldn't read the words on my paper, I know I made no sense & i never wanted to be seen again. 
I always accepted that I would just never be able to do that. 

Last year I lost both grandparents, I decided as I would be the only grandchild there that I would speak at the funeral, I wrote a poem & I was able to stand alone & I spoke clearly, all while also being live streamed. I made sure to have the poem in big letters so hopefully I could still read it if I did shake. But I didn't, I don't really know how or why but I guess it meant alot to me & I felt this was something I would regret if I didn't. 

I have also had alot of driving anxiety, yesterday I took a route that I have absolutely avoided, I didn't have to go that way, but even on the way back I decided to & now I'm alot more calmer about it, it wasn't so bad. 

Another big one for me is getting my haircut, I just hate the whole process, on Friday I got my haircut for the first time since lockdown, & I think, finally at 30years old, I've found a hairdresser that I'm comfortable with & it's a home salon, less busy & less stressful for me. 

There's still alot of things I struggle with & all of these things have taken me a long time to even try to do. 

You have the power to decide what you are ready for & you can always change your mind 💖


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## CantGoOn (May 19, 2021)

Congratulations! That’s amazing progress.


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## snow_drop (May 15, 2021)

you are awesome <3


Esmae said:


> When you choose to be ready, when you are tired of avoiding things & accepting that things might go a bit wrong/awkward you can achieve anything.


and this might be the best motivational quote i've ever read. and it's true
and yes, congratulations! 😊


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

snow_drop said:


> you are awesome <3
> 
> and this might be the best motivational quote i've ever read. and it's true
> and yes, congratulations! 😊


A great quote, indeed!


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Esmae said:


> ..... When you choose to be ready, when you are tired of avoiding things & accepting that things might go a bit wrong/awkward you can achieve anything.
> 
> January 2019, I was a stay at home mum, my youngest now in school & I was really feeling the pressure to find work. (I had a little part time job before he was born but I had to leave because I had complications)
> I had been looking at jobs for a couple of years, just thinking about it. I saw one & decided to apply, I got a interview, it was one of the worst experiences ever, manger was just awful & I couldn't wait to get out. I went home & cried.
> ...


This is amazing.. 😁😊


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