# I want to share this...



## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Well, ages ago(really like two months ago, the thread is buried somewhere deep in here) I asked this girl out I like at work. She didn't want to go out with me, so I let her be. I still liked her, so I'd still try to talk to her, compliment her, visit her occansionaly and be friends.

Fastfoward though all the crap since then...

Yesterday i saw her being very cozy and such with a new co-worker. It took me by surprise and made me feel quite awful and angry.
I was still angry this morning when I got up. I worked today and throughout the day I thought about it and what I should do. I knew I was going to do something because I couldn't ignore these strong negative feelings i had for now. 
But I calmed down as the day went by and started to think more reasonably. I was going to see her at the end of my shift and I needed to come up with something to do to try and resolve this angst of mine. I didn't really want to stay angry at her, so I thought of a compromise.
Well as the time drew near I was becoming increasingly anxious and agiated. 
Well when she did in come in I got her aside for a bit and talked a bit. It was quite hard for me to do, but I did find out she was now dating this guy. Then I let her know that I was interested in her(I figured she would have already had an idea of that, but she said she didn't know :stu ) and I told her that seeing her flirt around with him in front of me bothered very much and I asked to try to not do that when I'm around. I let her know i have a hard life and I don't want to have any more pain than necessary to deal with right now.
She seemed to understand and said she would try her best not to.

So I guess thats it then. I don't feel angry at her anymore, but I don't feel happy either. I still feel fustrated a bit that even though I've been working to combat my anxiety, I feel I have little to show for it so far. I don't know what else to do now.  I'm so tired...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

FreeSoul,

Perplexing. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. You did tell her your feelings, but I am not sure if that was the right context. 

If the relationship didn't start because you didn't ask her, then that is something you will have to work through. She can flirt and do what ever she wants. I would have just avoided her at costs. Telling her how you felt kind of gave her power against you. If she went after the co-worker herself, then that is her deal.

I would have probably let it go from the start.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

millenniumman75 said:


> If the relationship didn't start because you didn't ask her, then that is something you will have to work through. She can flirt and do what ever she wants. I would have just avoided her at costs. Telling her how you felt kind of gave her power against you. If she went after the co-worker herself, then that is her deal.
> 
> I would have probably let it go from the start.


 :con Not sure what you mean in the first statement... I did her ask before...

I did think about the other concept. It is her choice and all. However we will have to work together so avoiding her entirely would be impossible. The way it was making me feel was likely to make me do something I might regret trying to bottle all that up. I've been through a hell a lot of stress the past month and I almost felt on the verge of a mental breakdown. It certainly wasn't a perfect choice, but I do think it was the better choice in staving off some of this until it blows over in my mind.
Maybe in another month I won't really care anymore


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's different, then. You did ask her, she said no, but is dating another co-worker. I think you may have ended up with the better end of this. There isn't much mroe damage that could be done to your working relationship. Dating co-workers is a personal no-no to me (it's never come up, but I am against dating co-workers). It causes a lot of extra stuff that shouldn't have to be dealt with.

I would keep the relationship platonic regardless. :yes


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Hmm... I did some more thinking about this today...

I think this was wrong for me to do. I don't think she should be trying to accomodate my weakness. I'm starting to feel bad about this now and I worry she might too.
:sigh 
I know I should probably leave things alone before I mess things up more and that would be the easy route... but the next time I see her I'm going to tell her I was wrong about this, apologize, and that it's none of my business. I'll just have to figure out how to deal with it on my own.


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## itchynscratchy (Apr 8, 2006)

FreeSoul,

think about it some more first. i don't know about where you work, but dating in the workplace is discouraged where i work and flirting out in the open is a _major _no-no! i think you did have a right to express that her flirting with the co-worker IN THE WORKPLACE makes you uncomfortable. if i were in your place it would have made me uncomfortable even if i hadn't asked her out. she does have a right to flirt, but not everywhere.


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

itchynscratchy said:


> i think you did have a right to express that her flirting with the co-worker IN THE WORKPLACE makes you uncomfortable. if i were in your place it would have made me uncomfortable even if i hadn't asked her out. she does have a right to flirt, but not everywhere.


That's really more of an employer's job, though, to say that. If you're just a fellow employee you can come off as kind of a busybody (or worse) to be telling people not to flirt, have fun, blah blah blah. I don't think the poster who started this thread should have said anything, but now that he has he should tell the girl, "Don't worry about it, I was being silly, forget what I said" and drop it entirely.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

*pokes with a fork*

Well I didn't expect to see her yesterday, but she did come by. So I did it.
She was okay with I said and I'll let it go. 

Couple things I want address here before letting the topic go.

One. I understand none of you know anything about this girl and that by your nature you assume the worst case scenario. I assure you she is not some taking-advantage of, insensitive, lazy female like some are. I've been around her for several months and if she was like that, most likely I would never had ever said anything to her at all. I could only be open with her like this because on level on trusted her and that things weren't as bad as I was imagining them.

Second. I really don't have have much of any social interaction outside of work. So even seriously trying to find dates away from my only social network at the moment is practically impossible. People at school ignore me, online dating makes me far too nervous and going to clubs and bars is just out of the question for me. Work is the only place I got where people will talk to me(I'll argue not enough, but it's better than nothing) and be nice to me. So the dating thing is something I will keep open on there, even if there are no more potentials at the moment. I know not everybody is the same, but I respectfully disagree with the "no dating at work" concept.

Eh, well i guess this issue is done then.


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## moon37 (Feb 27, 2006)

Hey Freesoul, 

The thing with acting co-workers is exactly that. If I get rejected, I have to see them everyday and its hard on ANYONE, not just people with SA. 

It reminds me of when I was in HS, I asked a girl out who I liked for around 2 years, and she rejected me. But she was in like 3 of my classes and I still talked to her, but barely. I just wanted to get over her. I would get jealous if she was with other guys and what not, and then I found out that was interested in some guy in my school. And ofcourse he was on of those [email protected] 

I felt angry and jealous...but what can I do. It's her life and its her personal choice. 

She was very nice, well I thought she was, but you don't really know someone until you go through experience with them. 

(Later on in college, I heard some stories about her from one of her best friends.) 

But what I am trying to get to, is you have to try to learn to forget about her. It's going to tough and don't put pressure on yourself. When you feel the jealously coming on, its all normal. Tell yourself its normal, and I think you just need some time. 


I think you should try joining some classes or doing a little volunteer work to meet people. 

Right now try to meet as many people as you can, instead of looking for a relationship, because I think it will eventually just happen. 

Good Luck.


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