# The Gym Frustrates Me



## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

Often when I go to the gym, I feel really frustrated. All of the other guys there are big, and seem to know what they are doing and aren't shy. They also always talk to each others and act all cool bros around everyone like they've been friends for years. But no one speaks to me ever, because I'm a weirdo and don't fit in. I feel weak and useless, I try to do all my exercises but it feels like I make no progress.

And the cars, oh the cars. They're all BMW, Mercedes, big crew cab trucks, etc. Even the "plain" cars are all brand new. Mine is the crappiest one there always it seems.

I don't want to feel envious, that's wrong. But it is just so depressing for someone like me. I feel like the biggest loser ever when I leave.

How are they so successful? What have I done wrong all these years? Deep inside, I feel like it's all just vanity and it doesn't matter. At the end of the day they probably have the same struggles I do but don't want to admit it or show it.

Am I wrong? At least the trainers are nice to everyone. They're the only ones that will say hello or anything.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

shyguy07 said:


> Often when I go to the gym, I feel really frustrated. All of the other guys there are big, and seem to know what they are doing and aren't shy. They also always talk to each others and act all cool bros around everyone like they've been friends for years. But no one speaks to me ever, because I'm a weirdo and don't fit in. I feel weak and useless, I try to do all my exercises but it feels like I make no progress.
> 
> And the cars, oh the cars. They're all BMW, Mercedes, big crew cab trucks, etc. Even the "plain" cars are all brand new. Mine is the crappiest one there always it seems.
> 
> ...


They're not as successful as you think they are.... There's this thing called debt, and Americans seem willing to live in it as a means of looking affluent... I work in a grocery store and half of my coworkers are on food stamps driving bmws, Mercedes, lexus, and so forth


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## AntiAwesome (Oct 17, 2015)

I have had severe gym anxiety myself and I would recommend, if it is possible, doing your workouts at home (but not becoming a recluse by any stretch) until you feel more confident. You can do quite a lot with a chair, a pair of moderate weight dumbbells and - if you are interested - one of these bad boys: http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-...514&sr=8-1&keywords=ultimate+sandbag+strength

I have done the DVD workout series 'Insanity' which is intense plyo with no equipment needed. I am fondest of the Bodyrock workout series, which you can find on Youtube (it uses a variety of equipment, but you can usually get away with just a sandbag.)

Don't sweat it (I'm punny.)


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## Gojiras (Nov 2, 2015)

I used to have severe gym anxiety. Spent my first few years of exercise in my room, using old ratty dumbells. If the gym is intimidating, consider picking up some old adjustable dumbbells and plates off craigslist or something.. They're cheap as hell! Also make sure you're eating well! Progress will come with time, effort, and nutrition.

If you're still set on going to the gym, don't even think about those "gym bros". I work at a gym and can tell you those "bros" are more insecure about themselves than 99% of people. The gym should be about *you*. Get in there, focus on your workout, and get out. It's not a place for socialization, nor should it be.

*Everyone* at the gym goes because they're insecure about something and want to better themselves in some way. Never forget that.

Also, you should totally check out scoobys workshop. Just google it. He's a true inspiration and helped me work through a dark period of my life with exercise.


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

I don't really pay attention to what other people are doing at the gym.

I know some people go to the gym and just socialize.

I just go their to lift weights.

If you are not making gains I would recommend you track your progress as well as review your nutrition.

Most people can make big gains at the gym with persistence.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Gojiras said:


> Never forget that.


...How can I forget... that you are an imposter!! :O


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I don't care about the gym - how come there are two Gojiras?


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Why come there are two?? :stuar:bat


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

One of you will have to go - it's annoying.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

don said:


> One of you will have to go - it's annoying.


Got a little dirt around ma neck.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

TobeyJuarez said:


> They're not as successful as you think they are.... There's this thing called debt, and Americans seem willing to live in it as a means of looking affluent... I work in a grocery store and half of my coworkers are on food stamps driving bmws, Mercedes, lexus, and so forth


Even LEASED, those things are expensive!

I make a pretty good living but still drive a 2006 Mustang with 211,000 miles on it.

I took on my dad's mortgages when he died - the second one ends next year. I could pay it off now, but I am not getting all that much interest at the end of it anyway, so why not just make the payments.

I will NEVER get myself in that situation! I learned the hard way with debts that weren't even mine!

***I run the streets; I have never bought a gym membership or even gone to a YMCA.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

Well,

The gym isn't a place i would envy anyone. I can see right through most of those folks. 

I've been a gym rat all over the country for many years. Professional circuit, as well.

Don't believe everything you see, kiddo. Just come in and concentrate on accomplishing your goals. 

I'm at a place now, where i can't go into a gym without being hit on or people trying to to talk. I absolutely hate it. In time, it will happen to you, once you've attained your goals.. just watch.

Also, I make it obvious, that i have no objection to probably pounding anyone over the head with a #10 dumb bell if they interupt my workout. But folks will try anyway.

Don't let anything in the gym distract you from what you're truly there for. You're there for you.. like many of the posters said, what you're seeing in some cases is a big facade.


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## EllinesMono (Nov 3, 2015)

I joined the gym for a while and I had pretty decent muscle mass that was almost the same as the average person there. However I can relate to you because I just felt like a loser regardless and I never wanted to get out of my house and go to the gym so in the end I just started working out in my basement and bought a whole **** load of equipment. But I feel you, its hard.


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## Sam CY L (Oct 31, 2015)

*maybe this will help u*

I was a skinny guy who looked 5 years younger than I actually am. When I was 23, people thinks I was still in high school. And I used to feel exactly the same way as you are when I go to the gym. I was a loser who could barely do any push ups. I felt really nervous going to the gym and worried all the time about getting laughed at.

But after I took some training classes for 4 months, my problem seemed to went away. I made friends with a few classmates. I built some muscles, looked a lot bigger.

I became more confident around the gym. I know what I was doing. I know whether I was doing it right, or doing it wrong. I even notice some of those 'big guys' were having 'bad forms' and potentially destroying their own joints.

Long story short. The gym confidence will come with your body figure. Just don't give up, hit the gym at least 3 times a day. Within a few months, you will see the results it had on your mind and body.

Take a few classes, or just do some research online, even that will help you kick start it all.


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## theghost0991 (Mar 29, 2014)

Why focus on all these other people when you should be focused on yourself when you work out?

When I'm in the gym, I focus on the feeling of lifting the heavy weights, and knowing that it will make me stronger. Knowing what it will do to me. Feeling the soreness afterwards and being proud. You are improving yourself when you work out. Do you know how many people in this world don't work out? You have an edge up on those people in situations requiring physical strength. Not to mention the ladies like a guy who works out over a guy who doesn't, so at least be proud of that.

Also, be glad to have a car


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

theghost0991 said:


> Why focus on all these other people when you should be focused on yourself when you work out?
> 
> When I'm in the gym, I focus on the feeling of lifting the heavy weights, and knowing that it will make me stronger. Knowing what it will do to me. Feeling the soreness afterwards and being proud. You are improving yourself when you work out. Do you know how many people in this world don't work out? You have an edge up on those people in situations requiring physical strength. Not to mention the ladies like a guy who works out over a guy who doesn't, so at least be proud of that.
> 
> Also, be glad to have a car


Agreed, better to focus on what we DO have. Surely those other people have insecurities as well...everyone does. And everyone feels social anxiety! Just some of us much more than others.


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## gregs (Feb 27, 2014)

Personally I lift at home, that way my anxiety isn't an issue and I can focus on the exercise. I don't know why people think going to a gym is mandatory in order to work out.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

gregs said:


> Personally I lift at home, that way my anxiety isn't an issue and I can focus on the exercise. I don't know why people think going to a gym is mandatory in order to work out.


That's what I do now, too. It depends on your goals, how much space you have, money, etc.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

millenniumman75 said:


> Even LEASED, those things are expensive!
> 
> I make a pretty good living but still drive a 2006 Mustang with 211,000 miles on it.
> 
> ...


You can buy salvage title or used ones that aren't all that much. The maintenance costs a ton though if you don't do it yourself.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

The thing I hate is that they are even there. They could be all manners and quiet as church mice and just the fact that they're in the way using my equipment makes me feel angry the minute I walk into the gym. When I go there, I want to be basically alone and have the ability to use whatever I feel like without 5 meatheads standing there staring at me.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

knightofdespair said:


> You can buy salvage title or used ones that aren't all that much. The maintenance costs a ton though if you don't do it yourself.


That's one of the reasons I have never bought a foreign car like that.

My 2006 transmission brought from Detroit (I had to get a new transmission in June) was $2,850. I couldn't imagine the cost of a BMW. I couldn't have afforded it even as a software engineer


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

millenniumman75 said:


> That's one of the reasons I have never bought a foreign car like that.
> 
> My 2006 transmission brought from Detroit (I had to get a new transmission in June) was $2,850. I couldn't imagine the cost of a BMW. I couldn't have afforded it even as a software engineer


The BMWs with all wheel drive sell like hotcakes around here, and honestly once it got paid off it is probably a good idea - they last better in the snow and ice than most of the cheaper stuff, even better than trucks I am sad to say.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

The car thing is all in your mind. If you can, go around 4am-6am. Gym is nearly empty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eyedlemon (Jan 11, 2007)

Please don't be one of those guys who chat each other up for 2 hours at the gym. Real athletes aren't here to socialize. Important people with things to do don't have time to socialize either. 

As for cars...like others have said here, the model of your car is often a poor predictor of wealth or success. I consider myself fairly successful and, although I could afford better, I buy new cars for $20k or less and run them into the ground before I buy a new one. Spending a lot on a car is a poor investment choice. 

Lastly, everyone has to start somewhere in terms of strength training. For starters, you're there, which is more than a lot of other people can say. I'm sure there are hundreds of people on this forum who can't even manage to set foot in a public fitness center. I'm 33 now and have worked for over 10 years to get to where I am now mostly by reading muscle and fitness magazine. I can only suggest you start there. When I started lifting I seemed to hover around 135 no matter what I did. In 2006 in my darkest days I had dwindled to 122lb at 5'6. A few years later something clicked and I started to pack on pounds, and have recently slimmed out to 163lb with a goal of about 150 with current muscle mass. I am by no means a hulk and I won't be entering any powerlifting competitions any time soon, but I continue to tweak my routine and try new lifts and techniques To the point where I'm hitting all time PRs even after all these years. It comes easy and fast for come guys. For others like me, it's a longer and tougher road. Good luck.


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## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

My biggest issue is probably nutrition. When I get depressed for feel bad about myself, I just don't eat as much. Also I've been tending to skip lunch lately which isn't as good either.

And when I get busy or feel behind I work I start staying late and skipping the gym. So some weeks like this one I've only been once. I could go on Saturday but don't want to waste the gas to go all the way there just to work out.

I have dumb bells at home but they aren't that heavy. I used to work out at home but started going to the gym because at first it made me more likely to work out than at home.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

eyedlemon said:


> Please don't be one of those guys who chat each other up for 2 hours at the gym. Real athletes aren't here to socialize. Important people with things to do don't have time to socialize either.


Oh, try telling that to basically everyone at the front desk at every single gym i've been to. From the front desk personnel, to the custodians, the gym is a social event.

The 24 hour fitness personnel are "trained" at the Mickey Mouse club (aka corporate), that they are supposed to be open, friendly and give "positive reinforcement" to gym members.

They don't realize that there are some of us that really don't need this. But because they don't know any better - they come over and try to compliment, play with, or do "small talk". Most members that are extroverts - eat that s***t up.

I for one, find it annoying as hell..

They have no idea how to handle really serious athletic types. The ones that DON'T need their BS. Many of them get offended, and downright pissed off, and vengeful. Especially if you're a girl.

Then we have the coffee-cache clan members. They're in every gym. They hang out on one piece of equipment for 45 mins. to an hour - yacking.

At one gym, Santa Fe Spa, there are guys that pull up in the parking lot. They wait in the car for their buddy, or scan the parking lot for a familiar face. Then they pull up right next to that person or that car, chat for 1-2 hours, and when they're done - they go home and tell their wives they had a great workout.

i really did relate to that statement and am glad you posted it. Thanks.


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## jawad (Nov 12, 2015)

quit it to be honest!


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## Rayzada (Jul 31, 2014)

It may be different for me because I'm a girl and I don't lift free weights. I used to dread going to the gym because of fear everyone was looking at me, but gradually after the years passed, I eventually and now today want to go because of runner's high and how good I feel after the workout is over. Another thing that helps is trying to to compare yourself to others, as much as possible. I was recommend to focus on the accomplishment of the workout (no matter the extent of it, because it is worth acknowledging).

I've learned in therapy that there is no way to tell what is really going on in someone else's life unless you ask them. They may look rich and successful, but there may be so much underneath that is hidden. They may even be unhappy beneath what you see. Seeing them as successful and ideal can be a viewpoint that is not accurate - and that's also unfair to you.


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## Pernny (Nov 17, 2015)

thinkstoomuch101 said:


> Oh, try telling that to basically everyone at the front desk at every single gym i've been to. From the front desk personnel, to the custodians, the gym is a social event.


thinkstoomuch101, this and your other post are SO true. I can't tell you how much I relate. I've been going 24 hour fitness for a while and getting good at what I do. I work hard and focus on what I'm doing. MOST people don't, and they feel the need to try to ruin your workout because of it. If I have headphones on, am avoiding eye contact, have sweat pouring down my face, and am breathing heavily then WHY would you try to start a conversation with me and get mad when I blow you off?!

Even going to different gyms it's the same atmosphere. As long as you're working hard, the people who treat the gym as a social club feel the need to try to stop your workout to chat about nothing. And I also understand hating "encouragement" from staff and gym-goers as if it's your first time in the gym. If I'm doing more than most people and doing exercises you haven't even thought of then does it look like I need your encouragement? It's just another excuse to try to start another pointless conversation.

Can't wait to get a home gym, since apparently people don't go to public gyms to exercise anymore.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

Pernny said:


> thinkstoomuch101, this and your other post are SO true. I can't tell you how much I relate. I've been going 24 hour fitness for a while and getting good at what I do. I work hard and focus on what I'm doing. MOST people don't, and they feel the need to try to ruin your workout because of it. *If I have headphones on, am avoiding eye contact, have sweat pouring down my face, and am breathing heavily then WHY would you try to start a conversation with me and get mad when I blow you off?!*


yep..If you had read in the* random workout thoughts* threads, you can see many of us who come in to "work out" (what a concept), get messed with quite a bit.

some of those situations are comical. I think i had posted currently in that thread about a guy getting pissed off at me for not paying him any attention? He went a bit off the deep end, after i ignored about *4x?* He ran to the front desk and complained, then lost it with the manager. they had to call the police on him. Why? because the arrogant individual was yelling that he was a physician. "Do you know who i am??" really??

We can ignore every one else in the gym - but certainly not a physician.:blank:blank

I believe the gym is a majority or extroverts. Get rid of THEM, and we'll have a REAL gym. :lol


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

People who talk to each other at the gym instead of working out are weak, in my opinion. When I hit the gym, I hit it hard; intensity is a must!

With that said, I work out at Snap Fitness, a nationwide "private" chain whose individual outlets host fairly small numbers of people. The gym lacks benches and racks -- because it is a 24/7 facility, they cannot risk people getting hurt -- but you still have access to barbells, dumbbells and plenty of other equipment. 

Anyway. I like this gym because at it, I am pretty much one of the big guys, LOL. Granted, I am very strong for my weight, but I am certainly no meathead. Regardless, I feel much more comfortable at Snap Fitness than I do at a regular gym, where I would be one of the small guys.

Check if your city has Snap. It would be a worthwhile investment, IMO.


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## Pernny (Nov 17, 2015)

thinkstoomuch101 said:


> We can ignore every one else in the gym - but certainly not a physician.:blank:blank
> 
> I believe the gym is a majority or extroverts. Get rid of THEM, and we'll have a REAL gym. :lol


That sounds hilarious and insane. It's amazing how people react just by not reacting to them.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

vsaxena said:


> Check if your city has Snap. It would be a worthwhile investment, IMO.


The smaller the gym, *the bigger the clique. *

I worked out at many gyms. Snap and Anytime Fitness are the two franchises i stay away from.

The problem for women in gyms like those? Well, over here in cloverdale, CA, There's one down the street from me. One of the personal trainers posted a review on yelp giving an "insider review" of the place.

She stated that the manager posts cameras around the gym. This is supposed to deter theft? Not really. Apparently, most of the male managers have the cameras where they can look at female members on certain equipment. Usually the hamstring curls, or the squat rack, or places where the most of the ladies stretch before working out or they'll have their butts in the air.

This i've personally observed this at an "Anytime Fitness" near the border.

a 24/7 facility is not safe for a female if she doesn't know how to defend herself. Especially late at night. Not too many guys i know of in the gym - or anywhere for that matter, will run to a females defense if she's being hassled.

Then we have the coffee claches in the smaller gyms where there is a limited amount of equipment, and all of them are standing around it - yacking.

THEN you have the people in smaller gyms, who act as if they have never seen the more advanced fitness level types in the gym. So, they stand there and stare - sometimes in a group - as if they're watching a movie. And - they are more apt to approach to ask questions.

In larger facilities, there are far more fitter people, thus, you will have the "staring" but the more "fit types" won't be so "uncommon"..

At least, if there are too many people hogging one piece of equipment in a larger facility, you have other options.

Then we have the ones that will put a rock in the door way of the smaller 24/7 access key facilities - so that their buddies can come in and work out with them.

Been there, done those..


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

Pernny said:


> That sounds hilarious and insane. It's amazing how people react just by not reacting to them.


that's right.. I couldn't believe it..* "Do you know who i am??"*

I guess he was REALLY reacting.:lol


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