# Therapy makes me feel worse



## Sunny Day (Aug 1, 2006)

I,too, always think that people are really trying to hurt me with their cruel or backhanded comments. 
I am so sensitive to words. My family says I am reading too much into comments I receive. I agree at times, but sometimes I just think people are rude and they want to make someone else feel bad.
Maybe they are unhappy with themselves and they feel they should bring someone else down. 
Another thing, I get nauseated with overly competitive types. A little competition can be healthy, but I try to avoid people like that. 

I have had a therapist that started out okay, but I really thought she was immature and did not understand me. I would talk like you are supposed to in "talk therapy" and then I would get some giggles from her. SOme of the situations may have seemed silly to her, but I was having problems.

When I do emerge from my house and try to be social one day, I am ging to try to look for nicer people to speak to. One thing that happened to me several years ago was when I took a new job in another state. I worked with a woman who I trusted at first. I told her that I did not know anyone in the city where I lived. She then tells me a story about a woman she had worked with years ago that was friendless but kept busy with a job her entire life. 
It was as if she was comparing me to this other person. As if I would always be friendless. I found out from others that woman just could not stop gossiping.


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## reticent (Jul 10, 2006)

Aren't they aggravating. They are excellent with messing with your sense of control and excellent at pissing you off to the point you do exactly what they want you to do. Try to hang in there like you said for about 2 more sessions. Then ask yourself am I starting to make some connections, is there anything starting to click here.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I feel this way true. I don't even know why I bother.


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## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

*anyone having any luck w/ their therapist*

I honestly think that some therapists do enjoy "****ing with your mind"- excuse my expression! but sometimes I feel like rather than wanting to make me feel better she actually wants to try to get different reactions out of me or something. Maybe it is just my paranoia.

Also, she seems to get kind of annoyed with me when I dont do the "work" I am supposed to be doing. She said that I have been living in my head for too long and I keep talking about all these different things I want to do but then I never do them.

I think in my next session with her I am going to clarify what I need from her, which is:
-I want to know what I do to make myself have anxiety (what happens in my brain)
-what has caused or influenced it
-figure out what the best lifestyle for me is when dealing with this

I just feel like overall im not getting a lot out of it. I go in there, usually kind of late, and she asks me how i am feeling, how i have felt in the past week and then she asks me to rate my anxiety on a scale. Is anyone having any kind of success with their therapist?


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## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

It's hard to find a decent therapist. Some of them really don't have any useful advice. My first therapist and I didn't click, yet I still let my parents pay out of pocket for her for about 4 months. 

I think CBT is a better way to go than talk therapy if your main focus is social anxiety. But then again, people who do CBT have more experience with anxiety disorders in general, so there's a lot of benefit in that alone. You shouldn't stay with someone who makes you feel like they aren't taking you seriously. Even if you get a really great therapist, therapy at times can really challenge you and make you realize the extent of your problems. There's no point in having a therapist that you can't rely on and trust in those hard times.


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## reticent (Jul 10, 2006)

*Re: anyone having any luck w/ their therapist*



Mngirl said:


> Is anyone having any kind of success with their therapist?


Actually, I am not by leaps and bounds or anything, just small incremental changes in thinking. I knew I had some deep seeded control and trust issues, but no matter how much my therapist can piss me off, it absolutely amazes me how he can challenge and effect a small change in my thinking although I'm kicking and screaming all the way, basically getting me to do exactly what he wants. So it is encouraging to know that some behavioral changes are possible. I'm just really impatient and hardheaded.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> There's no point in having a therapist that you can't rely on and trust in those hard times.


Thats my problem, I don't feel that way about anyone! I can't trust or feel comfortable with any therapist simply because of my anxiety.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Therapy was often disappointing for me, sometimes I left feeling worse than when I walked in.

I think society builds our expectations of therapists way too high, giving us the false impression that they will magically change our lives, and ease our problems.

I've seen many therapists, and the vast majority of them (even the ones who claimed to be experts in CBT) just passively talked with me for the entire appointment, and didn't have me take any real action. It's like paying someone to have a listening ear, rather than helping me recover. I would often leave their office feeling disappointed and disillusioned, with the grim realization sinking in that I would have to endure my crippling depression for yet another week until I see them again.

I once had an excellent therapist with whom I made some progress with. Yet sometimes I would feel depressed leaving him too, because any progress I made was very little or very slow. I can do some things now that I couldn't before, but my therapy with him certainly wasn't life-changing. I still face major problems fitting into society, working for a living, dating, etc.

Some therapists are downright horrible. They will talk down to you, ignore your problems, or dismiss your feelings completely. And when you point this out to them or act frustrated in any way, they tell you that you should consider learning more coping skills or read anger management books.


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## friendless (Jul 17, 2006)

I never tried meds I am afraid to use it


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## Ross (Apr 10, 2004)

valerie, the next time you see your therapist, tell him/her what you've said here.


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## Fighter86 (Jun 3, 2005)

I think the trick is in finding a suitable therapist for yourself. I've had 2 therapists before. The first one, I liked quite a bit. We could communicate and she was encouraging. Actually, leaving her after the sessions makes me feel better. I stayed with her for 6 months and admittedly, I made lesser progress that I thought I would have. That was due more to my part of underestimating SA than her fault though. In my course of therapy with her, I had this important goal that I wanted to meet and when I failed, she didn't blame me but was surportive and encouraged me to try other small steps before I try to attempt the goal again. As for the 2nd therapist, she was terrible for many reasons. Firstly, we didn't click. Secondly, I think she was trying to find fault with me, and was basically unsupportive. But also, I think she was overloaded with cases and couldn't be bothered much about the improvement her patients make or the lack of it. As long as she sees her patients when she's suppose to, she feels her duty is done. No supportive words or encouragement. Lastly, I was seeing her once every 6 weeks instead of once a week compared to the previous therapist. Seeing such therapists really does dampen one's confidence and make them feel worse.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

valerie said:


> I just started therapy and already I want to quit. The last session made me feel like everything is my fault. I get that it's the way I interpret what people say to me that makes me feel bad, but I don't think that means it's ok for them to be rude or cruel to me. And yes, anticipatory anxiety is a huge constant in my life, and yes, I should learn to live in the present, but hello! I have a problem! It's why I'm there in the first place, damn it! Yes, I'm responsible for the way I feel (or at least partially, I wasn't the one who raised me), but does she think I enjoy this? I would love to feel confident, and to "live in the now", and to be able to just forget all the negative things that people say to me, but I f*cking can't!
> And what is so horrible about me that people can't respect me? I feel like a disgusting thing.
> I'll give it one or two more chances, but that's it. I already feel like crap everyday, I feel worthless and guilty for everything, and I don't need to feel worse. Damn it, she made me feel bad for feeling bad.
> I know that therapy is supposed to be difficult. But maybe I'm not strong enough to go through with this.


Valerie,

Everybody does respect you. With me, I think it's other people feeling like they are walking on eggshells because they might offend me with anything they say.

With our thoughts, it is kind of our fault, but it's not something we knew about. Part of the "tearing down" is to get us motivated to change. There are sessions where I leave worried about my recovery or whether I cam getting anywhere. The thing is I can't get anywhere unless *I* make the effort. That's just the way it is - NOBODY can overcome my SA but me. :stu


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Weak moments happen, that's where you have to shake things up to stay on track. It's good to keep fighting! You have it in you! :yes


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