# Does anyone else just want kids?



## Kinable (Apr 25, 2013)

I really want kids of my own that are from me you know? I think I can survive without a wife but for some reason just the thought of teaching my son the wonderful world of video games and cartoons as I'm still a kid inside. I would like a son and daughter but I know that some people would think id be wrong or something but I'm no pedobear or anything I'm actually great with kids. All my little cousins love me. If I had kids my parents would stop telling me to look for a girlfriend and stuff. I don't mind if all I had was a son but I just want something. I doubt that I can because I know girls can get pregnant via sperm bank and stuff but guys can't have a kid unless they have a gf or something. Anyone else feel the same way?


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

Playing with children for short periods is nothing like actually rearing them on a daily basis. I recommend you try and get some work with children. There is a good chance you will get sick of them in a month or so. Even a couple of hours with one child can be exhausting. Especially if they have a disability. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts.


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## SoWrongItsRight (May 9, 2012)

Heck no


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## Kinable (Apr 25, 2013)

wrongnumber said:


> Playing with children for short periods is nothing like actually rearing them on a daily basis. I recommend you try and get some work with children. There is a good chance you will get sick of them in a month or so. Even a couple of hours with one child can be exhausting. Especially if they have a disability. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts.


Yeah my brother has a disability and has had seizures which drove my mom into depression and made me feel lonely knowing I never had a real sibling. Either way I would still like to have kids even if it meant not having a wife. If by any chance I did get a wife would it change the fact that kids get exhausting? I think we can all agree that some kids just need to be punished especially when the parents just ignore or spoil their kids making them into these annoying monsters. I could totally raise a kid well and I know I can I've thought about it for years and how I would raise kids without hitting them. I've been hit and sure it helped keep me from being bad and social but It made my hate my parents so my way of parenting won't involve that. I just feel as though I need someone to take care of other than pets. Someone who can rely on me and I can raise to be great.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

God no. I hate myself enough, definitely don't want kids in my image. Not to mention I'd pass on all more poor genetics to them which would be really selfish of me.


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## Perception (Nov 25, 2013)

I think it would be cool to have kids and raise them the best that you could. Help share and pass down the values that you believe and hopefully help them take it to the next level. I saw this little girl at the store today and man she was cute. But I'm not ready for that yet. Still have a lot to learn. I wish that one day I have a family though.


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## Greenleaf62 (Aug 1, 2013)

I definitely want kids!  I absolutely love kids and I can't wait to have some of my own someday. I would really like a husband as well, but if it doesn't happen then I think I would be okay with having kids on my own.


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## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

I don't think there's anything wrong or unnatural about men being nurturing. I think it's a great thing when men love children, because except in the case of lesbians, single moms, and similar households at least one of the parents caring for any given child is going to be a man. Shouldn't we want the ones involved in conceiving and raising our offspring to actually _like_ them and find things like fatherhood and mentorship fulfilling?

The stranger danger attitude in this culture that drives people to fear men around children is what's truly creepy. How backwards.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Can't wait to have kids, 2 boys one girl if I could choose. Gotta find a girl first.


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## ToughUnderdog (Jul 7, 2013)

I'd like to have 2 kids of my own one day. One step at a time though.


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

I'd like to have kids some day.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Hard, hard pass.


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## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)

licorice said:


> I don't think there's anything wrong or unnatural about men being nurturing. I think it's a great thing when men love children, because except in the case of lesbians, single moms, and similar households at least one of the parents caring for any given child is going to be a man. Shouldn't we want the ones involved in conceiving and raising our offspring to actually _like_ them and find things like fatherhood and mentorship fulfilling?
> 
> The stranger danger attitude in this culture that drives people to fear men around children is what's truly creepy. How backwards.


A-freakin'-men. It's ridiculous that society can scream out about no fathers in the world, and then a second later see a father walking with his daughter down the street and shout "OMG rapist!"

I've always wanted to be a father. Still do. But damn, society sure has a way of gettin' you down about the whole business. Humanity in its base form is vile when grouped together into a single morass of stereotypes and hate.


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## VioletHour (Aug 26, 2013)

I definitely want children but I don't want to have them biologically. Anxiety, OCD, and depression all run in my family and I got the lucky jackpot of all 3. I'm stopping the cycle by not having children. Instead, I want to do older-child adoption from the foster care system. I have a lot of love and sympathy for those who struggle in life and I would love to help a child who has given up the hope of being adopted.


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## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

VioletHour said:


> I definitely want children but I don't want to have them biologically. Anxiety, OCD, and depression all run in my family and I got the lucky jackpot of all 3. I'm stopping the cycle by not having children. Instead, I want to do older-child adoption from the foster care system. I have a lot of love and sympathy for those who struggle in life and I would love to help a child who has given up the hope of being adopted.


 That's really great of you. I can only imagine what it's like for the unadopted children as they continue to grow older and wonder, "Why not me?"


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## Interlude (Dec 11, 2013)

I used to feel this way. I have always wanted to be a mother-- it didn't matter whether I had a husband or not. In fact, it was harder to picture having a husband than it was to have the child. 

When I found out I was pregnant, I was completely overwhelmed. I was excited, don't get me wrong-- but I think, in my heart, I thought that having a child would be this magic cure-all. It would give my life meaning. It would fill in the part of me that was missing. I would be happy. Nothing changed. I was still me and still felt the same as always. And the worse part was the realization that I had spent my whole life wanting children to satisfy my own needs. Not in a healthy way-- I was thinking of children as some sort of medication. 

My daughter is now seven months old, and she is the reason I joined these forums. I'm still anxious and depressed and there are times that I feel completely detached from her. I need a place to talk about these emotions, or they might start affecting her. 

I don't regret having my daughter. But I do wish that I had worked past these feelings before having her. I guess my point is (aside from taking over your thread to vent), anyone who experiences similar feelings should be cautious when considering the possibility of having children. I feel so much guilt right now, and that's not fair to me, my daughter or my family.


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## SocialDebris (Oct 13, 2013)

It might seem weird what I'm about to say... But I could see myself with one kid in the future if:

My husband (Yes I'd want to be married) would want to have one
I loved my husband to the point of me wanting to pass on his genes mixed with mine
I was sure that this love would be the one everlasting (can't really ever know that, so would most likely have to go for how it felt at that moment..)

I wouldn't want to have a kid if it meant I'd be alone in raising it. I am (in a month) a fully educated teacher for kids ages 6-12 and I adore my nephew so I truly don't have any problems whatsoever with kids


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## russianruby (Jan 29, 2013)

I don't even want myself.


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## summersuxx (Dec 8, 2013)

I didn't even like kids but I got pregnant unexpectedly. I'm five months now. I couldn't imagine raising my kid alone, which is why I'm still with the baby's father. But I get super anxious every day because my home life sucks and I've still got some minor mental issues I need to work out...


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Nope. The world doesn't need more humans. Besides, I was a relatively okay child, but even I would have wanted to slap me around when I was around 8-12 considering the fact that I was pretty much an emo zombie or something.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

Having kids when you've got emotional problems is VERY hard. Nothing I say is going to convince anyone I'm sure. Aside from the all nighters while your baby cries you have to navigate their school years while you watch them form (or not form) social bonds and not let it destroy you.
Especially with you as a role model. There is so much pain you can't filter out for them. You have to be able to look at the world in a positive way and teach them to be good people. How can you do that if you think the world is scary and people are shady.Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world. Not because of the time and expense and all that but because they're smaller versions of you. And what if you dont like yourself? How can you sacrifice everything for them when you feel like you can't even take care of yourself? Giving of yourself when you feel like there is nothing left to give. Rewarding yes...but sooooo much harder than you could ever imagine.


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

I have nephews. They're fun. They love me. At the end of the day I return them to their mother. I sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep.

Don't need/want any of my own, but many think I'd make a great father. They could be right, but I'd need an excellent woman to have them with, which is something I'd probably never find.


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## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

I don't even know if i have kids or not


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Yes but with my wife too.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Inside of a healthy marriage, yes. By myself, no. 

Don't really care what other people do but I like the support of having a family structure of 2 committed parents and kids.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

not by myself and not with my with my job atm I would want to have a better paying job if I had kids


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## nullptr (Sep 21, 2012)

Raeden said:


> Nope. The world doesn't need more humans. Besides, I was a relatively okay child, but even I would have wanted to slap me around when I was around 8-12 considering the fact that I was pretty much an emo zombie or something.


*kills you* yay i just earned the kill emo zombie achievement .


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## ksinev (Dec 14, 2013)

I have the opposite problem. I used to want to have kids when I was super young. However, when I realized how much problems are created by social anxiety and knowing that it is genetic I would have serious reservations about passing it on to them. It is sad to say but I don't like myself and there doesn't seem that there could be anything in this world (even if I did have a loving husband and committed relationship) that could convince me to pass all this suffering on to someone else.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

I commend those who say they wouldnt have kids because they dont want to pass on their bad genes. I know thats it s completely politically incorrect to agree and everyone loves to say "as long as theyre loved". But honestly why do we subject someone else to live with depression, anxiety, ADD, OCD etc etc. If I knew then what I know now...


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

The thing is that most of these traits exist for a reason. It is only this peculiar modern situation we find ourselves in that makes them aberrant. In the past the people that can barely talk to the opposite gender here would have been matchmade and would have made excellent, devoted, parents and spouses.

Our current culture is tailor-made for inhibition-free extroverts. Worse yet, the situation has only been like this for a little over a hundred years (and became much worse starting around the 1960s-70s). In another 50, for all we know, our traits will be more valuable as technology makes extroverts less and less necessary.

I just can't accept that severely debilitating traits would have survived this long in the gene pool if they didn't serve some useful purpose. It isn't like we all got the same accidental mutation here.


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## brooke_brigham (Nov 28, 2013)

ericj said:


> The thing is that most of these traits exist for a reason. It is only this peculiar modern situation we find ourselves in that makes them aberrant. In the past the people that can barely talk to the opposite gender here would have been matchmade and would have made excellent, devoted, parents and spouses.
> 
> Our current culture is tailor-made for inhibition-free extroverts. Worse yet, the situation has only been like this for a little over a hundred years (and became much worse starting around the 1960s-70s). In another 50, for all we know, our traits will be more valuable as technology makes extroverts less and less necessary.
> 
> I just can't accept that severely debilitating traits would have survived this long in the gene pool if they didn't serve some useful purpose. It isn't like we all got the same accidental mutation here.


None of those traits are life threatening no. ADD can be useful in some professions. But living a life with depression is a terrible, miserable curse. Add to that anxiety and other "quirks" and you're going to be raising a child that is (possibly) as messed up as you while _you _go through the same issues. I am speaking from personal experience here. If anyone was unable to handle the issues (a whole variety of them) it would be me. But once you have kids obviously you love them and you do your best. But is your best good enough for their needs?? Thats the question anyone should ask themselves before having kids.


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## Kami E (Jun 11, 2013)

Kinaibhlan said:


> I really want kids of my own that are from me you know? I think I can survive without a wife but for some reason just the thought of teaching my son the wonderful world of video games and cartoons as I'm still a kid inside. I would like a son and daughter but I know that some people would think id be wrong or something but I'm no pedobear or anything I'm actually great with kids. All my little cousins love me. If I had kids my parents would stop telling me to look for a girlfriend and stuff. I don't mind if all I had was a son but I just want something. I doubt that I can because I know girls can get pregnant via sperm bank and stuff but guys can't have a kid unless they have a gf or something. Anyone else feel the same way?


Dude.

This is so interesting. I've always wanted to get married and have children. It was my dream for the longest time, except no one wants to be in a relationship with me... I thought about just getting a sperm donor and have children on my own, and I know a lot of other _women_ feel this way, but I never thought about if guys felt this way. I simply assumed they didn't. Wow, egg on my face!

Kinaibhlan, you're still a teenager, so you have A LOT of time to think about, but if you really feel this way, and you end up not meeting anyone, you should go ahead and do this anyway. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I don't know about egg-donors for men (I'm sure the science is there, but I've never heard of it), but you could always adopt! I don't know you, but from your post, you sound like you could become a wonderful father


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

For a long time i just couldnt see myself ever being a mom. But lately, the urge to have some babies is really starting to kick into gear. Im not ready financially yet, but eventually, i really hope to be a mommy.


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## licorice (Oct 5, 2013)

People who really want kids might also enjoy a Big Brother or Big Sister type program.


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## Boring Loser (Oct 21, 2011)

I don't think i'd be a good parent at this point in my life. I'd like to some day. But i doubt i can ever find the right romantic partner for me. And i woudln't be allowed to adopt if i'm single.


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## DenizenOfDespair (Aug 13, 2012)

Nah, I've already decided I never want to be a father. And as a father I'd probably end up like this:shock


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

No. I think I'd be a good dad as in teaching values, but I don't want to pass on the loser genes of mine.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

I've had dreams where I was a parent and very happy.

Reality is more difficult. A kid might be better off raised by someone else.


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## ksinev (Dec 14, 2013)

ericj said:


> The thing is that most of these traits exist for a reason. It is only this peculiar modern situation we find ourselves in that makes them aberrant. In the past the people that can barely talk to the opposite gender here would have been matchmade and would have made excellent, devoted, parents and spouses.
> 
> Our current culture is tailor-made for inhibition-free extroverts. Worse yet, the situation has only been like this for a little over a hundred years (and became much worse starting around the 1960s-70s). In another 50, for all we know, our traits will be more valuable as technology makes extroverts less and less necessary.
> 
> I just can't accept that severely debilitating traits would have survived this long in the gene pool if they didn't serve some useful purpose. It isn't like we all got the same accidental mutation here.


Maybe to help keep out dangerous people from the community?


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## Hermiter (Dec 15, 2013)

Not really honesty.


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## Parsnip (Sep 5, 2013)

Honestly - I have terrible womb longings and get incredibly clucky, but not for birth children. My preference would be for adoptive children, but even then my cluckiness is counterbalanced by the fact I don't want to negatively impact upon the life of a child. I'm not sure it's fair for me to care for a child when I'm so messed up.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

Nah not me


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## Iic400 (Apr 13, 2013)

Interesting topic. I have a beautiful daughter and no wife. 100% custody. Its tough, but rewarding. Had SA my whole life til I was married. Still had it, but not with her around. Almost overcame it afterwards, but SA snuck back on me. Just hang in there man.


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## kuhan1923 (Oct 28, 2012)

I had to babysit my niece a long time ago, it was awful. She'd crawl all over the apartment and i'd be following her worried she'd get injured. Kids have so much energy, can't keep up man.


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