# You're too pretty to have social anxiety



## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

What do you all think about this concept?


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

I've heard that before too. I've also heard the equally annoying "Why would _you _be depressed?" It's like people can't grasp the fact that mental illness is not a choice, Would anyone say to someone "_You're_ too pretty to have cancer"? Or "Why would _you _have asthma?" It's really difficult for people to grasp the concept that mental illness is not different from physical illness, people do not _choose _to be mentally ill.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

SamanthaStrange said:


> I've heard that before too. I've also heard the equally annoying "Why would _you _be depressed?" It's like people can't grasp the fact that mental illness is not a choice, Would anyone say to someone "_You're_ too pretty to have cancer"? Or "Why would _you _have asthma?" It's really difficult for people to grasp the concept that mental illness is not different from physical illness, people do not _choose _to be mentally ill.


very good points, Samantha.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

SamanthaStrange said:


> I've heard that before too. I've also heard the equally annoying "Why would _you _be depressed?" It's like people can't grasp the fact that mental illness is not a choice, Would anyone say to someone "_You're_ too pretty to have cancer"? Or "Why would _you _have asthma?" It's really difficult for people to grasp the concept that mental illness is not different from physical illness, people do not _choose _to be mentally ill.


 Right!..i remember walking out of Walmart and some dude was like.. youre too pretty to not be smiling.. that's a problem.. THATS A PROBLEM "

lol, I mean it was sweet to say, and it made me smile...

but being "pretty" doesn't protect you from life's bullshxt

it just doesn't.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

It's bs. Being attractive means other women getting pretty spiteful. Usually they accuse you of being stuck up and arrogant. If you try and be the nicest person on the planet they can no longer accuse you of that. They will find something else though. They always do.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Sugarslippers said:


> but being "pretty" doesn't protect you from life's bullshxt
> 
> it just doesn't.


Nope, it doesn't.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

I feel like I can personally admit that if I was ugly, my anxiety and depression would be worse. How other people perceive you and treat you is largely based on how you look after all. Next is how you act.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Lisa said:


> It's bs. Being attractive means other women getting pretty spiteful. Usually they accuse you of being stuck up and arrogant. If you try and be the nicest person on the planet they can no longer accuse you of that. They will find something else though. They always do.


very true. I was often labeled the B word because I dressed nice and was shy.


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## ChristinaButterfly (Jan 27, 2015)

I've been told the same. Even worse, the few ppl (family) I've opened up to about my severe SA say that I'm unapproachable because of my looks. No one will speak to me because I'm intimidating and more than likely perceived as conceited or I "think I'm better than others" because I dress well. It drives me crazy! I'm no model and I walk in a room with my head down praying no one will notice me, hoping no one is judging me, but at the same time hoping someone talks to me for once.


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## ElectricBlueViolet (Mar 2, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> very true. I was often labeled the B word because I dressed nice and was shy.


This is so true. For some reason, I've found out that women tend to treat other women with SA pretty badly, especially in groups. In school, no matter what I do there's always a girl or two that can't stand me. All I do is sit off to the side, lost in my own thoughts but sometimes I've been pointed at and laughed at for no damn reason! wtf!? :no


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> very true. I was often labeled the B word because I dressed nice and was shy.


And now? Have you changed the way you look? I have tried that and it works! Uglying up I call it. Women are nice to me on those days. It's a catch 22. If I am me, they keep their distance. If I make myself look different they all talk to me and want to be friends. But if one day I show up as how I usually look, they all feel uneasy.



ChristinaButterfly said:


> I've been told the same. Even worse, the few ppl (family) I've opened up to about my severe SA say that I'm unapproachable because of my looks. No one will speak to me because I'm intimidating and more than likely perceived as conceited or I "think I'm better than others" because I dress well. It drives me crazy! I'm no model and I walk in a room with my head down praying no one will notice me, hoping no one is judging me, but at the same time hoping someone talks to me for once.


I have not seen pics of you but being noticeably attractive makes people keep their distance from you. It makes you lonely and anxious and at the same time everyone expects you to have this fantastic life because of how you look.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Lisa said:


> And now? Have you changed the way you look? I have tried that and it works! Uglying up I call it. Women are nice to me on those days. It's a catch 22. If I am me, they keep their distance. If I make myself look different they all talk to me and want to be friends. But if one day I show up as how I usually look, they all feel uneasy.


Nah. I still dress the same. Thing is, I'm at a community college now, so people are a lot more accepting than they were in high school. Mostly, I've been getting the 'You're too pretty to have SA" on this forum, actually, and it's been from guys.

I know what you mean though about women being nicer when you "ugly up". I feel that vibe too when I don't make much of an effort some days.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

ElectricBlueViolet said:


> This is so true. For some reason, I've found out that women tend to treat other women with SA pretty badly, especially in groups. In school, no matter what I do there's always a girl or two that can't stand me. All I do is sit off to the side, lost in my own thoughts but sometimes I've been pointed at and laughed at for no damn reason! wtf!? :no


Sorry to hear that. :\ I've had that experience too. All I can conclude is that it's jealousy.


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## Thanatar18 (Apr 27, 2014)

As a narcissist/self hater myself I feel like I'm my biggest critic... but in terms of appearance I end up looking in reflective surfaces whenever I can, straightening my clothes, sucking my lip in, etc... basically I'd imagine being overly self conscious is possibly a problem regardless of looks.

Of course, if I was ugly I'd imagine I'd be way more self conscious considering I'd definitely know how I looked, and it wouldn't be good. Otherwise there are days I'm basically just checking myself out or feeling good.

I'm a guy btw.


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## ChristinaButterfly (Jan 27, 2015)

I do the same thing. Can't pass a mirror or any reflective surface without checking myself out and it has nothing to do with being conceited. I fear people will judge me or make fun of me so I make sure my children and I always look perfect. I know, they're judging anyway.


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## rdcapd (May 25, 2014)

I think with most people, a hidden compliment to get someone to smile makes them happier. It would to me anyways. Guess it works both ways for me.

If you say I'm to pretty to NOT be smiling... I'll smile

If you say I'm to pretty to have SA... I'll ignore you and be even less social then normal

To bad your to pretty to not be in my bed doesn't work... Really just a smerk

Best thing thatbhappen to me simular was a random guy flag me down just for a high five... I was ecstatic for a week. (*thinking*{me the social awkward one?} Sure! <high-five> *thinking* {that... was weird} )


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

ChristinaButterfly said:


> I do the same thing. Can't pass a mirror or any reflective surface without checking myself out and it has nothing to do with being conceited. I fear people will judge me or make fun of me so I make sure my children and I always look perfect. I know, they're judging anyway.


I think it's human nature to want to look in the mirror.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Why is it that we assume that because someone is pretty or dresses nice that they are social? Like, why do we correlate those two things?


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Haillzz91 said:


> Why is it that we assume that because someone is pretty or dresses nice that they are social? Like, why do we correlate those two things?


Because the most popular or admired people, especially at youth typically fit these categories of being attractive. Also I think "your too pretty to have sa" will be an attempted compliment in most cases.

I would imagine it's impossible to know how much different someones life would be if they weren't as attractive, it's one less thing to worry about if someone is though.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Joe said:


> Because the most popular or admired people, especially at youth typically fit these categories of being attractive. Also I think "your too pretty to have sa" will be an attempted compliment in most cases.
> 
> I would imagine it's impossible to know how much different someones life would be if they weren't as attractive, it's one less thing to worry about if someone is though.


good points.


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## Passacaglia (Mar 4, 2015)

Being attractive is a primal sign that you're physiologically able to cope with toxins and stresses, so it's somewhat reasonable that people would assume that you're "socially capable". Though, there's a whole range of psychological or emotional trauma that anyone can experience (especially in modern society) that would lead to social anxieties. 

People have said that a few times to me, being a handsome guy, though I tend to hide social anxiety by scowling or looking bored/disinterested. It makes it difficult for people to approach me for different reasons because it makes me look awkward, intimidating or serious all the time. D:


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

Can confirm, pretty women have been seen in this thread. Well I've not contributed anything. I'll see myself out .


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## Passacaglia (Mar 4, 2015)

Cmasch said:


> Can confirm, pretty women have been seen in this thread. Well I've not contributed anything. I'll see myself out .


 Wish this forum had a like button


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Cmasch said:


> Can confirm, pretty women have been seen in this thread. Well I've not contributed anything. I'll see myself out .


That's not true  You have contributed by giving the women here compliments!


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

have any GUYS been told they're too handsome/goodlooking to have social anxiety?


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

Nope. I don't get handsome every girl that likes me says I'm cute. I almost take it as an insult. Keep in mind this is when I shave and don't have my creeper mustache/facial hair haha. I guess I can live with "cute" though, considering I think I look like an evil serial killer lol.

But I think you guys probably have it worse. That would get annoying pretty quick. On the plus side you guys are pretty haha.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Cmasch said:


> Nope. I don't get handsome every girl that likes me says I'm cute. I almost take it as an insult. Keep in mind this is when I shave and don't have my creeper mustache/facial hair haha. I guess I can live with "cute" though, considering I think I look like an evil serial killer lol.
> 
> But I think you guys probably have it worse. That would get annoying pretty quick. On the plus side you guys are pretty haha.


I like your face! I think you're good looking


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I get this all the time. I'm too handsome, too educated, too well-spoken, too sexy, too this and too that. And I have nice ankles.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Zack said:


> I get this all the time. I'm too handsome, too educated, too well-spoken, too sexy, too this and too that. And I have nice ankles.


Who usually says this to you?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> have any GUYS been told they're too handsome/goodlooking to have social anxiety?


Nah, this has never happened lol.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

srschirm said:


> Nah, this has never happened lol.


awww. Well, maybe you're just surrounded by very considerate people


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> awww. Well, maybe you're just surrounded by very considerate people


Make no mistake, I'd love to be told that. Means they think I'm handsome. A compliment most guys never get.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Haillzz91 said:


> Who usually says this to you?


Women who shamelessly flirt with me all the time.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Well let me put it this way, would you rather be ugly and have SA or pretty and have SA?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Imbored21 said:


> Well let me put it this way, would you rather be ugly and have SA or pretty and have SA?


Exactly.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Imbored21 said:


> Well let me put it this way, would you rather be ugly and have SA or pretty and have SA?


Pretty and have SA, of course. However, I'm just pointing out that the insensitivity of "oh hush. You don't have SA. You're too pretty for that.", is hurtful.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> Pretty and have SA, of course. However, I'm just pointing out that the insensitivity of "oh hush. You don't have SA. You're too pretty for that.", is hurtful.


I agree. But, I'd take heart in that it's also a compliment. I'm sure if you continually heard it, it'd get old though.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

No one has ever said what the title of this thread says because I never say anything about social anxiety, but I've had a lot of people be surprised I don't have a bf because I am good looking, according to them. One woman said how could this girl I worked w/ (someone she considered less attractive than me) have a bf and not you. I've also had people think I have a lot of friends, but I don't know if that's necessarily because of the way that I look.

They don't know that I have a lot of issues w/ my appearance, though, and it is related to my SA a lot. I also can't really make friends because after some point, I start getting embarrassed about having no life to talk about, and try to end things or disappear. That, or I just avoid starting anything w/ people, period.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

srschirm said:


> I agree. But, I'd take heart in that it's also a compliment. I'm sure if you continually heard it, it'd get old though.


Ya, I just don't think much of it anymore because prettiness is what I'm "known for". I've always been insecure about my intelligence though. I never felt smart enough and it was a constant balancing act of trying to be smart n trying to be pretty.

However, if I adapted to the intellectual lifestyle, I found that I was more sedentary because I was reading a lot n would gain weight, so then I'd take on the vain lifestyle and use my time to dress up, exercise and cook healthy meals....Then, go back n forth between lifestyles. Ugh. The struggle is real lol


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> Ya, I just don't think much of it anymore because prettiness is what I'm "known for". I've always been insecure about my intelligence though. I never felt smart enough and it was a constant balancing act of trying to be smart n trying to be pretty.
> 
> However, if I adapted to the intellectual lifestyle, I found that I was more sedentary because I was reading a lot n would gain weight, so then I'd take on the vain lifestyle and use my time to dress up, exercise and cook healthy meals....Then, go back n forth between lifestyles. Ugh. The struggle is real lol


I understand what you mean, lol. It's all about a balance. You can be healthy yet still pursue intellectual things. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Haillzz91 said:


> have any GUYS been told they're too handsome/goodlooking to have social anxiety?


I just keep running into your threads, haha. Guess you're generating lots of discussion, getting to the top of the pile. Half of it is having an enticing thread title.

Some women have been surprised that I'm shy, they just assume I'd be more confident and aggressive/outgoing in social situations based on my appearance. They don't know about the lifetime of bad experiences that hid my confidence from me, without which their assumptions would be accurate, I'd be a happy guy comfortable socializing, comfortable with being myself around others.

Don't think I've been told I'm too good looking to have SA, but when I discuss my dating history on here or try to share relationship 'wisdom' I've learned over the years people question whether or not I actually have SA. And the answer is yes, unfortunately I do. Having nervously asked girls out online and nervously gotten through dates and established some relationships doesn't mean I'm a faker. I've made strides over the years to overcome SA in some ways, just not as fully as I'd like. Compared to people who haven't left the house in umpteen years we're all doing f***ing fantastic! Does that mean they are the ones who really have SA and we're too social to have it by comparison??? It's not a contest whose life sucks worse.

I've come to the realization that if I want to completely beat SA it won't come from any accomplishment outside of me, I'll have to realize and utilize my own inner strength, do the inner work to build myself up. As Morpheus said to Neo - "I'm trying to free your mind. I can only show you the door, you're the one who has to walk through it."


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

mjkittredge said:


> . I've made strides over the years to overcome SA in some ways, just not as fully as I'd like. Compared to people who haven't left the house in umpteen years we're all doing f***ing fantastic! Does that mean they are the ones who really have SA and we're too social to have it by comparison??? It's not a contest whose life sucks worse.
> 
> I've come to the realization that if I want to completely beat SA it won't come from any accomplishment outside of me, I'll have to realize and utilize my own inner strength, do the inner work to build myself up. As Morpheus said to Neo - "I'm trying to free your mind. I can only show you the door, you're the one who has to walk through it."


Yeah, you pretty much nailed it here.


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## Robert1985 (Mar 5, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> What do you all think about this concept?


It's moronic to judge anyone by their looks or appearance, untill you fully understand an individual for who they are and what they have been through or any issues they have to deal with they should just keep their opinions to themselves.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> What do you all think about this concept?


I think it's clear that there is disassociation between looks and mental health. However, people do naturally judge the correlation in the same way we make any first appearance judgments. I don't think it truly holds up to further scrutiny as long as people are willing to get to know each other.

I do wonder, though, if conventionally attractive SAers are sometimes being given that kind of left handed compliment simply as an ice breaker by flirting?

Maybe, it's not meant as a slight or a poorly intended generalization. If it's coming from a guy, it could be their "safe" way of actually giving you a compliment on your appearance. If it's coming from a girl, perhaps there is either a bit of envy or merely surprise as people just can't put themselves in your shoes.

I'm "color blind" or color deficient, technically. Once people learn this of me, they are fascinated and start to test me by pointing to things and saying..."What color is this? What does it look like to you?". I find it annoying, but they're also just trying to get a perspective on me. I guess I really should take it somewhat as a compliment that they're even interested, though I realize that some may just find it freaky and they want to quell their curiosity.

*So...to sum up the ramble. First, you (and other pretty SAers) may just be receiving flirtatious attention. Second, it is an awkward way for people who don't understand to try to understand the correlation between looks and social comfort.*


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Robert1985 said:


> It's moronic to judge anyone by their looks or appearance, untill you fully understand an individual for who they are and what they have been through or any issues they have to deal with they should just keep their opinions to themselves.


I agree.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

KyleInSTL said:


> I think it's clear that there is disassociation between looks and mental health. However, people do naturally judge the correlation in the same way we make any first appearance judgments. I don't think it truly holds up to further scrutiny as long as people are willing to get to know each other.
> 
> I do wonder, though, if conventionally attractive SAers are sometimes being given that kind of left handed compliment simply as an ice breaker by flirting?
> 
> ...


I see what you mean by your 3rd paragraph.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

I wish someone would say I was too pretty to have SA. =(
Seriously though people in real life wouldn't believe I have SA and I am deathly afraid of anyone finding anything like that out. But I'm sure if I explained it them none of them would believe a word of it. I just wish people would understand that things aren't always what they seem. Of course I stupidly said someone on SA was pretty and asked why did they have SA. Though in my defense I was being nervously impulsive. =(


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## MetroCard (Nov 24, 2013)

You're lucky


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

losthismarbles said:


> I wish someone would say I was too pretty to have SA. =(
> Seriously though people in real life wouldn't believe I have SA and I am deathly afraid of anyone finding anything like that out. But I'm sure if I explained it them none of them would believe a word of it. I just wish people would understand that things aren't always what they seem. Of course I stupidly said someone on SA was pretty and asked why did they have SA. Though in my defense I was being nervously impulsive. =(


You're too pretty to have SA


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

MetroCard said:


> You're lucky


Nah. I can actually look very ugly, but I work hard on my appearance.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> You're too pretty to have SA


Lol it doesn't count if someone says it after I complain about it. XD
But thank you.


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## SwerveMcNerve (Sep 2, 2012)

"Too attractive to have social anxiety" Wouldn't the implication then be that they're faking it? And who in their right mind would fake having social anxiety? Yeah, its an absurd statement.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

Haillzz91 said:


> What do you all think about this concept?


SA does not discriminate, and good you came to help us out haha. We really need it. But, yes, a lot depends on environmental factors as well, not just looks. Looks aren't everything.


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

tea111red said:


> No one has ever said what the title of this thread says because I never say anything about social anxiety, but I've had a lot of people be surprised I don't have a bf because I am good looking, according to them. One woman said how could this girl I worked w/ (someone she considered less attractive than me) have a bf and not you. I've also had people think I have a lot of friends, but I don't know if that's necessarily because of the way that I look.
> 
> They don't know that I have a lot of issues w/ my appearance, though, and it is related to my SA a lot. I also can't really make friends because after some point, I start getting embarrassed about having no life to talk about, and try to end things or disappear. That, or I just avoid starting anything w/ people, period.


That's almost exactly my experience too, as a bloke. I have generally had a policy of not talking about my personal life so nobody has referred to my SA. I've had the occasional question about not having a girlfriend but they've kind of stopped as I won't really talk about it, I just say I'm shy and change the subject. I've had compliments for a while but it's generally on the 'cute' side which I'm not sure how to take.


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## MoniqueS (Feb 21, 2011)

I have been told this as well. I know that they meant well, but it is such a misguided and narrow-minded statement to make. Metal illness is far too complex to be reduced to such a superficial statement. But again, I know that people are not coming from a place of ill-intent. I just wish we could omit the latter part of that statement.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

SwerveMcNerve said:


> "Too attractive to have social anxiety" Wouldn't the implication then be that they're faking it? And who in their right mind would fake having social anxiety? Yeah, its an absurd statement.


I don't get that either, and it's very rude to accuse someone of something like that. It's also important to remember that people have different triggers. Their SA manifests in different ways. You might be unable to do something that someone else can do(even though that person has just as much anxiety in another situation that you can handle). Some people can't make a phone call, some people can't leave the house because of the fear of running into a human, some people can't handle parties and social gatherings, some people can manage to seem somewhat "fine" on the surface while panicking inside, some people stutter and blush while trying to talk to someone and some people get anxiety from it all. They all experience SA. To accuse someone of not having SA, just based on their appearance, is a strange thing to do. I guess if someone believes that their SA is linked to/caused by their appearance, they'll assume that it's the same for everyone else :stu Humans tend to have an egocentric view on things. It also implies that SA is some kind of choice. Not many would say "you're too pretty to have schizophrenia".


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

SwerveMcNerve said:


> "Too attractive to have social anxiety" Wouldn't the implication then be that they're faking it? And who in their right mind would fake having social anxiety? Yeah, its an absurd statement.


haha I don't think anyone in the right mind would fake SA.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

MoniqueS said:


> I have been told this as well. I know that they meant well, but it is such a misguided and narrow-minded statement to make. Metal illness is far too complex to be reduced to such a superficial statement. But again, I know that people are not coming from a place of ill-intent. *I just wish we could omit the latter part of that statement.*


Ya, it's like a backhanded compliment.


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## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

Any reason used to discount someone else's source of pain is abhorrent.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Passacaglia said:


> *Being attractive is a primal sign that you're physiologically able to cope with toxins and stresses, so it's somewhat reasonable that people would assume that you're "socially capable".* Though, there's a whole range of psychological or emotional trauma that anyone can experience (especially in modern society) that would lead to social anxieties.


Wow .. never knew that...

But man that's bullisht... a huge load

a lot of attractive peeps have mental illness...and problems

I think I rather be avg looking or ugly than...

'beautiful and nuts" lol

to me that's the worst, I hate that w/ a passion


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Buckyx said:


> I am too normal(compared to this sites standards) to have such a bad social life LOL


have people on the forum said that to you?


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

wait good looking people can have unpleasant feelings?


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Great video! I agree. You don't have to be unattractive to suffer from SA. My looks have never been a part of my social anxiety, even when I was a lot more self-conscious about them. For me, it's always been low social skills and feeling different/disconnected from everyone.

I think it's the fact that so many people just completely misunderstand and misrepresent what anxiety is, including people on this site, as much as I hate to say it. There are two main reasons for it, they either:

1) Take a possible cause (or consequence) of SA and assume it is a central aspect of social anxiety.
An example of this would be what was discussed in the video, the idea of being unattractive (potential cause of social anxiety as it can make you feel self-conscious or judged) being seen as an aspect of social anxiety, when it's really just one of pretty much endless potential causes. Another would be not having a partner (possible consequence of SA) being, for whatever reason, seen central to social anxiety

2) They have a vastly oversimplified view of social anxiety as "low self-esteem". My entire life I've heard people say this: "You just have low self-esteem", but it doesn't address the root of the problem. While it's true that most, if not all people with SA suffer from low self-esteem, the two things aren't synonymous. Low-self esteem indicates not being satisfied with one's self, while social anxiety is feeling anxiety and discomfort ins social situations. There's a lot of overlap, but ultimately, they're still two separate issues. For example, I have worked on my self esteem as of late, and it's gotten much higher in the past year or two, but my anxiety levels are still the same, if not worse.



Joe said:


> Because the most popular or admired people, especially at youth typically fit these categories of being attractive. Also I think "your too pretty to have sa" will be an attempted compliment in most cases.
> 
> I would imagine it's impossible to know how much different someones life would be if they weren't as attractive, it's one less thing to worry about if someone is though.


I also think this is true. We have a stereotypical image in our head that most popular extroverted people are always going to be attractive, and every loner is going to be off putting and creepy looking, which is obviously not true, but regardless, it makes us assume that attractive people can not have any social problems whatsoever by default.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

monotonous said:


> wait good looking people can have unpleasant feelings?


what a concept, right?


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

I' ve had those thoughts run through my head a few times "pretty people are confident what do they have to be anxious about around people"

smack me


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

CWe said:


> I' ve had those thoughts run through my head a few times "pretty people are confident what do they have to be anxious about around people"
> 
> smack me


Pretty people can still be negatively judged on their personality though. That's something to be anxious about. People would say about me, "Hailey's pretty, but she's just... i don't know. She's kinda boring." It was like a knife to the heart


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Haillzz91 said:


> Pretty people can still be negatively judged on their personality though. That's something to be anxious about. People would say about me, "Hailey's pretty, but she's just... i don't know. She's kinda boring." It was like a knife to the heart


Yea i didn't think about those areas. "F" those people who said that as well


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## SwerveMcNerve (Sep 2, 2012)

probably offline said:


> I don't get that either, and it's very rude to accuse someone of something like that. It's also important to remember that people have different triggers. Their SA manifests in different ways. You might be unable to do something that someone else can do(even though that person has just as much anxiety in another situation that you can handle). Some people can't make a phone call, some people can't leave the house because of the fear of running into a human, some people can't handle parties and social gatherings, some people can manage to seem somewhat "fine" on the surface while panicking inside, some people stutter and blush while trying to talk to someone and some people get anxiety from it all. They all experience SA. To accuse someone of not having SA, just based on their appearance, is a strange thing to do. I guess if someone believes that their SA is linked to/caused by their appearance, they'll assume that it's the same for everyone else :stu Humans tend to have an egocentric view on things. It also implies that SA is some kind of choice. Not many would say "you're too pretty to have schizophrenia".


 You bringing up egocentricity is interesting. It's funny because I noticed in my self about five years ago. My psychiatrist had brought up a former client who dealt with social anxiety. He brought her up to make the same point you made above - everyone's anxiety is different. The woman was a singer, went on tours, and performed in front of large audiences. I distinctly remember being very confused by that, it made no sense to me. Apparently she described herself as being a different person on stage, and that's how she managed to do it so effortlessly - because she was playing a role, rather than going on stage as herself.

So I guess the issue may be education. People only have themselves and their experiences as reference because they don't make the effort to learn how people would have wildly different responses to the same situations. Still, its hard not to get upset with statements like "you're to pretty to have social anxiety".


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

SwerveMcNerve, I love your screen name.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

laysiaj said:


> Any reason used to discount someone else's source of pain is *abhorrent*.


Nice vocabulary word there 

Have you done any more live updated date stories lately for us to live vicariously through you and hang on your every word?


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## Esteban (Dec 8, 2014)

I think part of that sentiment on this site is blowback from all the people who obviously know they are attractive and so post ample amount of pictures of themselves. Then some of them go around virgin shaming and acting as though their looks have given them some sort of license to look down on others and belittle their problems. And, of course, some of that, in turn, is blowback from having their problems minimized. 

There's a certain clique on this site who frequently engage in this sort of behavior. It's like high school social dynamics for the mentally ill. It's all really sick and oddly amusing.

I'd highly recommend making use of the enhanced ignore feature that was posted in the feedback section. Some of the posters on here are far more toxic than anyone I've encountered in real life.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

Haillzz91 said:


> Pretty people can still be negatively judged on their personality though. That's something to be anxious about. People would say about me, "Hailey's pretty, but she's just... i don't know. She's kinda boring." It was like a knife to the heart


It's no different than someone being called boring and ugly. Though at least it implies positive features.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Joe said:


> It's no different than someone being called boring and ugly. Though at least it implies positive features.


I guess that's one upside to it lol


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

Esteban said:


> I think part of that sentiment on this site is blowback from all the people who obviously know they are attractive and so post ample amount of pictures of themselves. Then some of them go around virgin shaming and acting as though their looks have given them some sort of license to look down on others and belittle their problems. And, of course, some of that, in turn, is blowback from having their problems minimized.
> 
> There's a certain clique on this site who frequently engage in this sort of behavior. It's like high school social dynamics for the mentally ill. It's all really sick and oddly amusing.
> 
> I'd highly recommend making use of the enhanced ignore feature that was posted in the feedback section. Some of the posters on here are far more toxic than anyone I've encountered in real life.


Really? I'm genuinely interested as I've not really come across that on here. I can kind of think of one user who is almost a parody but I can minimise the amount of her I read by steering clear of certain threads but I've not seen much of a clique.


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## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> Nice vocabulary word there
> 
> Have you done any more live updated date stories lately for us to live vicariously through you and hang on your every word?


Ahahahahahaha, you remember that? lol, no I haven't. I've been very busy with school and work. I'm hoping to secure a date or two in the future. I don't know, I'm not having much luck to be honest.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Comments like that are typical of our culture which has no formal social development, is actually economically anti-social, and is very much still shaped by the ignorance of creationism. All our developmental institutions--education--are steeped in creationist rational rather than in knowledge of and acceptance of truer nature which includes evolution. I call it "de-facto creationism" to indicate that when people consciously assert we are a "created" being or not, the society does and in that certain sweeping generalities which are NOT true linger in popular assumption often doing damage or contributing to social pain. 

We are NOT a created being. We are all unique products of genetic compositing where there is a wide range of differentiation between individuals. This include the capacity to feel and a range of levels of feelings that individuals have which are unique only to them. If "creation" were true, why would their be autism, sexual mis-assignment of gender attributes and a spectrum of sexual orientations other than those of text-book hetero-sexual, people with Downs syndrome, Aspergers, and a myriad other genetically related developmental handicaps? I'm not here to talk abyone out of their beliefs but there are consequences for insisting on dragging wrong ones into the future and continuing to legitimize thinking which produces social and political dysfunction when it comes to accommodating the reality that the nature of nature is imperfection being the rule whereas with the defacto creationism, a false standard is observed and all people misjudged according to it with points taken off for conditions they may have no choices over.

Because were are unique and have ranges of differences, obviously one such range is the level of "fight or flight" adrenaline released in the gut when certain stimuli exist. Recognition of this fact is what the SSRI medication is founded under--i.e. using a medication to "fine tune" the brain's neurotransmitter systems to create a capacity to allow reason to guild feelings rather than just let feelings misguide reason. I am a long time benefactor of this medication which I was prescribed once for depression after a failed relationship but found it completely seemed to cure my blushing and take away my social fear of appearing shy and nervous when approaching other people. Being clear that I am not a "created" being but instead a unique product of a nature we can understand and conventionalize anew has vastly elevated my crasp and my desire to share perspectives which may help people realize the benefits I have. Good luck to all.


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

I too get that disbelief from people when I tell them of my anxiety. I actually don't blame them for that common misconception.

Nowadays I know to people in general, "I am too cute to be having anxiety problems", but I will no longer be afraid to tell people I have this problem if the chance is right. Screw what they think of me based on how I look like.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

fictionz said:


> I too get that disbelief from people when I tell them of my anxiety. I actually don't blame them for that common misconception.
> 
> Nowadays I know to people in general, "I am too cute to be having anxiety problems", but I will no longer be afraid to tell people I have this problem if the chance is right. Screw what they think of me based on how I look like.


Have you ever worried that your cuteness will come off as weird as you get older? I worry about that. I'm 23 and still behave "cute".


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## fictionz (Nov 18, 2006)

Haillzz91 said:


> Have you ever worried that your cuteness will come off as weird as you get older? I worry about that. I'm 23 and still behave "cute".


I'm 27 this year and to people, I look like 20. That's physical-wise, in terms of my face and size etc (I'm rather short and small... Asian). Behavior-wise, I think I'm quite a serious, quiet person - in other words- my behavior isn't exactly "cute".

I have stopped worrying how that cuteness factor affects me as I get older. There's no pleasing people in how I behave. Asian parents will keep asking me when I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna get annoyed at the question every time lol :b and I will still be who I am, cute or not cute in other people's eyes.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

probably offline said:


> I don't get that either, and it's very rude to accuse someone of something like that. It's also important to remember that people have different triggers. Their SA manifests in different ways. You might be unable to do something that someone else can do(even though that person has just as much anxiety in another situation that you can handle). Some people can't make a phone call, some people can't leave the house because of the fear of running into a human, some people can't handle parties and social gatherings, some people can manage to seem somewhat "fine" on the surface while panicking inside, some people stutter and blush while trying to talk to someone and some people get anxiety from it all. They all experience SA. To accuse someone of not having SA, just based on their appearance, is a strange thing to do. I guess if someone believes that their SA is linked to/caused by their appearance, they'll assume that it's the same for everyone else :stu Humans tend to have an egocentric view on things. It also implies that SA is some kind of choice. Not many would say "you're too pretty to have schizophrenia".


Well said and very true.


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## Unit731 (Mar 6, 2015)

You can have SA and be pretty , but being good looking makes your life a whole lot of easier since there is a good chance you will get approached first and even a complete idiot can take it from there .


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

laysiaj said:


> Ahahahahahaha, you remember that? lol, no I haven't. I've been very busy with school and work. I'm hoping to secure a date or two in the future. I don't know, I'm not having much luck to be honest.


That thread was just so funny with everybodies reactions, it was like all the people tuning in during the Joe Dirt movie, lol. I hear you on that, not having the greatest time either, but that can change any day, you know? Have a date lined up for Thursday, looks promising so far.


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## Genos (Dec 17, 2014)

Unit731 said:


> You can have SA and be pretty , but being good looking makes your life a whole lot of easier since there is a good chance you will get approached first and even a complete idiot can take it from there .


this isn't true at all, just because someone approaches you doesn't mean they're still going to be interested in you after they find out you have no social skills at all. in fact i'd say having sa and being decent looking is worse because no one will ever like you for your personality


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## SamanthaStrange (Jan 13, 2015)

Being in a relationship is not a cure. I still have social anxiety and depression even when I have a boyfriend.


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## Unit731 (Mar 6, 2015)

Touka said:


> this isn't true at all, just because someone approaches you doesn't mean they're still going to be interested in you after they find out you have no social skills at all. in fact i'd say having sa and being decent looking is worse because no one will ever like you for your personality


It all depends on the level of SA, i have noticed there is a huge difference here between people's severity of SA and it kinda makes discussions like this moot . But yeah i get what you are saying i just don't see any downside of being good looking in today's shallow society .


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

SamanthaStrange said:


> Being in a relationship is not a cure.


A bad relationship can make it even worse!


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## AmandaMarie87 (Apr 24, 2013)

This is a very good video. Social anxiety doesn't discriminate based on physical appearance.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

AmandaMarie87 said:


> This is a very good video. Social anxiety doesn't discriminate based on physical appearance.


Thank you, Amanda Marie! And you are right. SA doesn't discriminate against anyone.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

slowlyimproving said:


> A bad relationship can make it even worse!


So true! That's what happened to me after a 3 year toxic relationship. That's when I entered the outpatient program I told you about! It seriously healed me.


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## laysiaj (Jun 28, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> That thread was just so funny with everybodies reactions, it was like all the people tuning in during the Joe Dirt movie, lol. I hear you on that, not having the greatest time either, but that can change any day, you know? Have a date lined up for Thursday, looks promising so far.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh, let me know how that goes. I'll live vicariously through you then.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> So true! That's what happened to me after a 3 year toxic relationship. That's when I entered the outpatient program I told you about! It seriously healed me.


I went through the exact same thing, not recently though...Ha! I could go on and on about this topic!


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

Touka said:


> this isn't true at all, just because someone approaches you doesn't mean they're still going to be interested in you after they find out you have no social skills at all. in fact i'd say having sa and being decent looking is worse because no one will ever like you for your personality


You are right on on thing, about it not being easy for good looking people with SA to just be able to pick it up when someone approaches them. I agree with that, but I don't agree that being good looking and having SA is worse because just having SA is terrible, every case of SA.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

slowlyimproving said:


> I went through the exact same thing, not recently though...Ha! I could go on and on about this topic!


What happened??


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> What happened??


Hahaha! OMG! I'd rather not go into details.......But, I need someone more like myself, kind and giving.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

slowlyimproving said:


> Hahaha! OMG! I'd rather not go into details.......But, I need someone more like myself, kind and giving.


YES! I agree. I think the whole "opposites attract" is BS. I dated a jerk (by accident. Thought he was nice at first) and it did not go well. Finally, I've found a guy that's loving and generous and we get along SO WELL! Good luck, slowlyimproving! There's someone out there for you! Nice people still exist!


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> YES! I agree. I think the whole "opposites attract" is BS. I dated a jerk (by accident. Thought he was nice at first) and it did not go well. Finally, I've found a guy that's loving and generous and we get along SO WELL! Good luck, slowlyimproving! There's someone out there for you! Nice people still exist!


Yeah. What's up with that?! Why can't they date their own kind instead of preying on people like us?! I know, they're so clever at playing nice at first.

Thanks! I deserve someone nice. She will be treated like a queen.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Sugarslippers said:


> Right!..i remember walking out of Walmart and some dude was like.. youre too pretty to not be smiling.. that's a problem.. THATS A PROBLEM "
> 
> lol, I mean it was sweet to say, and it made me smile...
> 
> ...


He was hitting on you


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

knightofdespair said:


> He was hitting on you


Yes he was.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

slowlyimproving said:


> Yeah. What's up with that?! Why can't they date their own kind instead of preying on people like us?! I know, they're so clever at playing nice at first.
> 
> Thanks! I deserve someone nice. She will be treated like a queen.


awww. Well, she'll be a very lucky woman!


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> awww. Well, she'll be a very lucky woman!


Thank you!


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I don't find myself attractive but I do often get comments that I'm pretty or even "beautiful" and that I could model. And things of that nature. So I can somewhat relate to this. Most people avoid me, and avoid talking to me as soon as they realize I'm quiet and a lousy conversationalist. There really is no benefit to being perceived as good-looking while having moderate to severe social anxiety.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Freiheit said:


> I don't find myself attractive but I do often get comments that I'm pretty or even "beautiful" and that I could model. And things of that nature. So I can somewhat relate to this. *Most people avoid me, and avoid talking to me as soon as they realize I'm quiet and a lousy conversationalist.* There really is no benefit to being perceived as good-looking while having moderate to severe social anxiety.


Same here. It made high school hell for me.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

knightofdespair said:


> He was hitting on you


But he wasn't my type....

he was kinda old

:no

All the guys im interested in... don't pay my any type of mind lol

so im just gonna do me ^^


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Freiheit said:


> I don't find myself attractive but I do often get comments that I'm pretty or even "beautiful" and that I could model. And things of that nature. So I can somewhat relate to this. *Most people avoid me, and avoid talking to me as soon as they realize I'm quiet and a lousy conversationalist. There really is no benefit to being perceived as good-looking while having moderate to severe social anxiety*.


Amen....

my looks only attract creeps,weirdos and pigs....

they haven't really benefited me in a positive way.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Sugarslippers said:


> Amen....
> 
> my looks only attract creeps,weirdos and pigs....
> 
> they haven't really benefited me in a positive way.


You'll find your non-creep one day


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Haillzz91 said:


> You'll find your non-creep one day


I think we should form a prayer circle concerning this matter XD

I'm serious


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

You're only a creep if you're ugly and have crappy dress sense. If James Bond were not handsome, he'd be considered to be a pervert and a creep with his incessant advances and innuendo.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Sugarslippers said:


> I think we should form a prayer circle concerning this matter XD
> 
> I'm serious


LOL I'm imagining this prayer circle where a bunch of SAers are holding hands and they're shaking. Then one person says "who wants to go first?" and it's just dead silence. Probably not the most affective prayer circle >.<


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Haillzz91 said:


> LOL I'm imagining this prayer circle where a bunch of SAers are holding hands and they're shaking. Then one person says "who wants to go first?" and it's just dead silence. Probably not the most affective prayer circle >.<


Hahaha! That's hilarious!


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Haillzz91 said:


> LOL I'm imagining this prayer circle where a bunch of SAers are holding hands and they're shaking. Then one person says "who wants to go first?" and it's just dead silence. Probably not the most affective prayer circle >.<


Nah, id probz start it off... im not that shy..atleast not anymore..


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Well like a lot of SA people have mentioned, younger guys probably notice you but what are they going to do, just walk up and say "do me?" Even if they did they would be ugly younger guys. Most guys even with borderline anxiety won't just walk up to girls they don't know and say anything but the most bland things to feel out what you think - only real creepos walk up and ask women point blank if they're single or want to get down... And you might be flattered when some guy does just that - but that type of guy asks every girl he sees the same thing.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

knightofdespair said:


> Well like a lot of SA people have mentioned, younger guys probably notice you but what are they going to do, just walk up and say "do me?" Even if they did they would be ugly younger guys. Most guys even with borderline anxiety won't just walk up to girls they don't know and say anything but the most bland things to feel out what you think - only real creepos walk up and ask women point blank if they're single or want to get down... And you might be flattered when some guy does just that - but that type of guy asks every girl he sees the same thing.


Ya, I don't like when creepy guys come up to me and hit on me. They're usually very disrespectful when I tell them I'm dating someone.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

There really are many ignorant perceptions in general that perceived bad things do not happen to "pretty" people. Many tend to associate good things can only go with good, and bad things can only go with bad as a generality.


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Blue Dino said:


> There really are many ignorant perceptions in general that perceived bad things do not happen to "pretty" people. Many tend to associate good things can only go with good, and bad things can only go with bad as a generality.


Good observation. This is true.


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## Inknotmink94 (Mar 5, 2015)

If I had a penny for every time someone said something like that to me I'd be rich. Why can't attractive people be down or have anxiety? Ridiculous


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

Inknotmink94 said:


> If I had a penny for every time someone said something like that to me I'd be rich. Why can't attractive people be down or have anxiety? Ridiculous


if I got money every time someone said it to me, not only would I also be rich, I wouldn't mind anymore lol


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