# What Did I Sign Up For???



## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

I actually cannot believe I'm doing this lol. Today was my first day alone at my new job. I'm doing outside sales for a brokerage company. Yep. Unfuqing believable I know, for someone with anxiety issues, but that's what I'm doing. Circumstances and fate just sort of threw me in this direction. I mostly promote and maintain existing product lines. It's a whole lot of interaction with retailers that sell for us, not much interaction at all with customers though. It's all about facilitating relationships. That's my job....keeping people happy. I think you really have to know your place in my position. I have so, so many bosses lol...customers, my boss, store associates, vendors of course, my boss, his boss, his boss' boss' boss, store managers.

It went really, really well today. My boss let me loose around noon, and I did four stores. I could have done more but had some issues at the last one, and I dealt with it, I got it all resolved and everyone is happy. I introduced myself to a _*lot*_ of people today. And I communicated well. I didn't mumble, I spoke up, I articulated myself well, I was respectful, I made eye contact and I got it done. I complimented one of the store associates who helped me out today on her nails, and I got an "awww, thank you" and a great big smile back from her. She was kind of cute.

I think I can do this. I just sent my boss an email with an activity log of what I did today, just got off the phone with him and he seems pretty happy. And this guy is never satisfied, never happy (and I knew that going in to this).

I think I might actually be good at this. I may have a knack for it. I know parts of it are going to get old after a while, as with any job, but so far I love it. It's very easy to me. I had some times today when I was very anxious but I fought through it and I think I did well. After our buyers and sellers get used to me and trust me and realize I'm going to be reliable and always take care of them, I think this could actually be kind of fun. I met some pretty cool people today. Fingers crossed that this works out.


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## mattingly94 (Mar 4, 2009)

I really liked the part when you had anxiety but fought through it. That takes alot of courage and strength. I am so happy for you. That's not easy. Good job!!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Good to hear, I think a lot of people here would surprise themselves if they put themselves in a situation where they are forced to face some of their fears and realise they can do it because it can be life changing.


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## 6465897 (Jun 3, 2016)

I hope this is a life changing moment for you. For the better.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

So fantastic! I read a lot of your posts and how supportive you are of people. I think you are a natural in a support role! 

My social anxiety is less when there are defined tasks to talk about and already defined relationships and I know what I am doing, so I understand why maybe your social anxiety might not be so bad on a job with defined things to do. And so cool that when you faltered and got nervous you just kept on going. Remember you can always take breaks to be there for yourself, too, and remember to let yourself be ok with it if the social anxiety does kick in. The key is to be ok with the fear. Let it be there and comfort yourself like you would your child. Judging and pushing away the fear is what intensifies it. I am learning to be ok with the awkwardness and anxiety, and that is really dispelling my anxiety like nothing else I have tried.

Glad to be with you on this journey of embracing the hard things in life and working through them! Hope you get to celebrate how awesome you are doing soon!


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Thank you to everyone for the feedback and support, I appreciate it 

@*marsia* Thank you. Yeah, I'm trying to be OK with the fear. I totally agree with you, judging and trying to push away the fear only seems to make it that much worse for me. It helps that I work on my own, at my own pace (sort of), and get a break when I travel from site to site...it kind of lets me recharge my batteries.

Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into lol. I'm only into my third week but so far so good.


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

Congrats. Glad it's working out for you. It's surprising and unexpected to find out some of the things you have a knack for sometimes.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into lol. I'm only into my third week but so far so good.


Wow, you made it through 3 weeks! Hopefully you have the worst behind you. The first few weeks at most jobs I am exhausted and overwhelmed, and then things finally start to click about that time, and they start going better. It seems like you are so good at this, maybe you even skipped the exhaustion/confused daze part!


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

marsia said:


> Wow, you made it through 3 weeks! Hopefully you have the worst behind you. The first few weeks at most jobs I am exhausted and overwhelmed, and then things finally start to click about that time, and they start going better. It seems like you are so good at this, maybe you even skipped the exhaustion/confused daze part!


Well, I'm pretty dazed and confused lol. We had a huge staff meeting today that went from 9:00am to noon, with my boss, my boss' boss who flew in from Florida, and the rep from our biggest vendor. They took us all out to lunch afterward to a nice bbq place. I'm not gonna lie I was anxious as hell at first, but I did alright. They're throwing more at me now, but so far I'm managing it alright.

They invited me out to an Astros vs. A's game tonight at the Insperity Club...premium seats, in the private club section right behind home plate. I'm a bit anxious because I don't know these guys very well. My boss took me aside today and said "Just relax man, you're doing fine, these guys are just like you, we're all here to just get the job done". So I guess I was coming across as a little anxious. And I'm trying to talk more, but I'm just quiet, that's just my personality. I'm gonna try to loosen up, have a beer tonight and enjoy the game. I'm still gonna be at work, though. We're entertaining one of our biggest clients, so I need to loosen up but also keep things somewhat professional lol. Ffs, there's a lot of grey area there. I think I'll do fine once I get there though. Fingers crossed.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> Well, I'm pretty dazed and confused lol. We had a huge staff meeting today that went from 9:00am to noon, with my boss, my boss' boss who flew in from Florida, and the rep from our biggest vendor. They took us all out to lunch afterward to a nice bbq place. I'm not gonna lie I was anxious as hell at first, but I did alright. They're throwing more at me now, but so far I'm managing it alright.
> 
> They invited me out to an Astros vs. A's game tonight at the Insperity Club...premium seats, in the private club section right behind home plate. I'm a bit anxious because I don't know these guys very well. My boss took me aside today and said "Just relax man, you're doing fine, these guys are just like you, we're all here to just get the job done". So I guess I was coming across as a little anxious. And I'm trying to talk more, but I'm just quiet, that's just my personality. I'm gonna try to loosen up, have a beer tonight and enjoy the game. I'm still gonna be at work, though. We're entertaining one of our biggest clients, so I need to loosen up but also keep things somewhat professional lol. Ffs, there's a lot of grey area there. I think I'll do fine once I get there though. Fingers crossed.


Wow, so great you got such great seats! If you have time, maybe you could research stuff about the teams to talk about, and since you're new, you can ask everyone questions about themselves professionally and about their families, the area around where you work for restaurants, ... It's great you will be where there is something to all watch (and comment on) together. It's great your boss likes you enough to try to get you to relax! Don't worry, most people are nervous when they start a job, so you are not going to look unusual if you are on the quiet or a little nervous side! Wishing you lots of luck, and would love to hear how it goes!!!


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

marsia said:


> Wow, so great you got such great seats! If you have time, maybe you could research stuff about the teams to talk about, and since you're new, you can ask everyone questions about themselves professionally and about their families, the area around where you work for restaurants, ... It's great you will be where there is something to all watch (and comment on) together. It's great your boss likes you enough to try to get you to relax! Don't worry, most people are nervous when they start a job, so you are not going to look unusual if you are on the quiet or a little nervous side! Wishing you lots of luck, and would love to hear how it goes!!!


Thank you so much for the advice...I know you're right, everyone is a little anxious at first when starting a new job. I just feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when I get anxious lol. I think tonight went really well, though, overall. I'm tired but it was fun. The seats were just incredibly awesome. I just feel like I've been at work for the last 14 hours.

We parked less than 100 feet from the entrance to the stadium. My boss' boss opened a tab and bought me a beer (they all had about four or five each, but I didn't want to get tipsy so I just had one). The food was incredible. They had waitstaff that brought us food and drinks, and constantly checked on us. They had salmon, prime rib, a huge potato bar, ice cream and all the junk food you could imagine and it was all complimentary. I sat in between my boss and his boss and talked to them both. I was anxious as *** at first but I calmed down pretty quickly and we all talked and laughed and got along really well. It didn't feel forced or anything. I think it went really well.

I get in this frame of mind every once in a while where I think this was just a huge mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, why did I believe I could handle this kind of a job, I'm in over my head, this was a stupid idea. But I think I need to keep pushing myself, I think I can do this if I don't give up and don't give into the anxiety. Thanks again for the advice


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> I just feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when I get anxious lol. I sat in between my boss and his boss and talked to them both. I was anxious as *** at first but I calmed down pretty quickly and we all talked and laughed and got along really well. It didn't feel forced or anything. I think it went really well.
> 
> I get in this frame of mind every once in a while where I think this was just a huge mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, why did I believe I could handle this kind of a job, I'm in over my head, this was a stupid idea. But I think I need to keep pushing myself, I think I can do this if I don't give up and don't give into the anxiety. Thanks again for the advice


Wow, I think you did incredible! I don't know anyone who wouldn't be nervous socializing with their boss and boss's boss, especially when you just met them a few weeks ago. So cool you all get along! The whole event sounds so amazing, too.

I also don't know anyone who doesn't say to themselves at least once in a new job, "what the hell did I get myself into?!!!" My husband works as a freelancer and does start ups, and what he does when he is over his head is he asks his boss or friends in the same field to mentor him. Since your bosses both seem to like you, hopefully that will work out to ask them.

I have been embracing my awkwardness, just not getting upset when I am that way, and I feel a lot better about myself lately. It really helped my self esteem to stop judging myself so much and to be on my own side. It's kind of a paradox - being comfortable with being anxious. The anxiety doesn't leave, it just doesn't affect me as deeply.

Congratulations on doing so well at your new job and at not letting fear stop you!!!


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

^ Thank you  I'll remember the advice you gave me, thank you for that.


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