# What Are Your Relationship Deal-Breakers?



## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

What are your relationship deal-breakers?


I don't think I could date someone who didn't love dogs.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Doesn't enjoy sex.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Hates me.


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## CoastalSprite (Sep 8, 2011)

Apathy.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I couldn't date someone who is unmotivated.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

I see u back and in action lilinator!!! Hmmm, someone who hates basketball. I dont mind if they dont care about it, but the moment i get nagged for liking basketball or hear her say **** about the sport, you are getting the boot. 

Other than that there are the usuals like lying and cheating and being a *****!!


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## whatyoumustthink (Apr 25, 2012)

- Selfish
- Immature
- A snob
- Shallow
- Patronizing
- Plays mind games
- Constantly talks about celebrity crushes
- Controlling
- Downright cruel


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## MNM (Oct 3, 2012)

If you are a hunter, I wont even think for a second about dating you. 

If you don't LOVE my dogs and understand that they mean so much to me, we wont get far

If you don't RESPECT my choice to not eat meat, then, it will never work

Plus you must be older than me and not want kids or marriage

Not too picky right? LMAO  Nah I know I am and thats why I wont ever have someone


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## whatyoumustthink (Apr 25, 2012)

One more I missed out - dishonesty!


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## Aussiery (Sep 17, 2012)

The same as whatyoumustthink said plus she also must have a pulse.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> I couldn't date someone who is unmotivated.


How do you define motivation?


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

lack of intelligence


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

MNM said:


> If you don't LOVE my dogs and understand that they mean so much to me, we wont get far


:high5


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## halfly (Sep 18, 2012)

Smoker.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Smoking.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> How do you define motivation?


the desire and willingness to change negative aspects of one's life.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

- Has kids.
- Wants me to buy her things.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> the desire and willingness to change negative aspects of one's life.


Wow, I really like that one. Usually when women say motivation it's a codeword for $.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

srschirm said:


> Wow, I really like that one. Usually when women say motivation it's a codeword for $.


True. Luckily, not all of us are gold diggers. :yes


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

Licks their fingers before turning a page.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

rednosereindeer said:


> Licks their fingers before turning a page.


:haha


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

can't be a ho


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Has to enjoy deeper conversations and cannot have terrible grammar. I'm not a grammar snob, but I really appreciate being able to communicate with someone in both writing and face-to-face.


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

I have around 30 deal breakers, do you really want to read them all, lilyamongthorn?


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

I think it's easier to list requirements

1. must "click," as in we can have a flowing conversation
2. must have a similar sense of humor - we need to make each other laugh
3. needs to be smart enough - I guess this is under 1
4. needs to have a developed morality - if something is wrong, you should be able to explain why you think it is wrong
5. needs to be nice to me - I have a fragile ego, which is my problem, but I couldn't be in a relationship if it was constantly hurt
6. needs to not be bothered (or ideally enjoys) by my clinginess/attention
7. needs to be nice to others (within reason)
8. can't be overly judgmental 
9. must be physically attractive enough (it's not shallow to admit that physical attraction is important.

There's probably more, but thankfully I've been lucky enough to find a girl who fits the mold .


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Schizoidas said:


> I have around 30 deal breakers, do you really want to read them all, lilyamongthorn?


I do. :yes


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

lonelyjew said:


> I think it's easier to list requirements
> 
> 1. must "click," as in we can have a flowing conversation
> 2. must have a similar sense of humor - we need to make each other laugh
> ...


I'm clingy too, I hope I can find a man that can handle that, haha.

You have a good list, and congrats on finding your girl!


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Thinks dogs are better than cats.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Smoking.

Homophobic.

I think I'm also at the point in my life where I might add religion to this list. I don't know if I could date a religious person.


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

Vanity

Taking too many pictures of herself 

Wearing too much makeup 

Makes that stupid V sign with her fingers and sticks her tongue out.

Sleeps around.

Has had more than 3 partners.

Bisexual

Can't cook or doesn't enjoy cooking.

Has kids

Online type person, goes on dating sites, chat sites etc

Swears, burps or farts. 

Talks about sex too much openly to everyone.

Materialistic

Feminist/sexist

Princess issues

Prude

Supports circumcision 

Wants her next relationship to last only several years/months.

Smelly body parts

Only goal in life is to get knocked up, then leech 

Party personality

Loud

Ditzy, like; "omg I can't wait to get drunk wif ma gurlies... Tattoos and piercings are totes hot!"

A pushover

Plays mind games


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

lilyamongthorns said:


> I'm clingy too, I hope I can find a man that can handle that, haha.
> 
> You have a good list, and congrats on finding your girl!


Thanks! I'm lucky, especially because I have SA. I'm pretty sure anyone who makes the effort to meet lots of people will be able to find someone who fits the bill for them, it's just a matter of wading through everyone, and ending relationships that aren't going anywhere instead of wasting their time, but people with SA have trouble doing things like that (meeting and making relationships with lots of people). I happened to meet her when I was at a high point in dealing with my SA/low self esteem, otherwise I would never have worked up the courage to approach her, let alone call her up to get her to hang out with me.

Anyways, the basic way to put what a person should look for is someone who can be their *best friend, that they want to have sex with*. I'd imagine that if you don't have one the relationship can be fun for a while, but unsatisfying in the long run (who wants to marry a great person they don't want to sleep with - and therefor probably never have sex, or someone who they have great sex with but don't get along with?), and if you don't have either than why are you that relationship in the first place?

As far as the clinginess goes, I personally would like it if she was *more *clingy - to a reasonable point anyways lol. If you find a guy with a fragile ego like mine, they will need constant reassurance that you still like them, and clinginess works well for that .


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Schizoidas said:


> Vanity
> 
> Taking too many pictures of herself
> 
> ...


Wow. I'm none of those things, except one. :b


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

Has or likes cats, I've been at war with the cats since one put me into hospital.



lonelyjew said:


> As far as the clinginess goes, I personally would like it if she was *more *clingy - to a reasonable point anyways lol. If you find a guy with a fragile ego like mine, they will need constant reassurance that you still like them, and clinginess works well for that .


I second this.:yes


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

MNM said:


> If you are a hunter, I wont even think for a second about dating you.
> 
> If you don't LOVE my dogs and understand that they mean so much to me, we wont get far
> 
> ...


Nah you just need to find one of those weak passive guys who let women beat them up and boss them around.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

The way I'm feeling anyone with 3 holes and not over 160 pounds.


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

Too long list to write.

I am telling one. If he is not honest. I don't care of his reasons to avoid clear truth. We can or we cannot deal with issues but if I smell he is lying about something he is out. I can deal with many kind of ugly truths but with a liar I don't spend even a one day. I hate that feeling when I have to think what is going on.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

If he belittles my opinions on things and only uses me as a sounding board. I can't stand conversations where you know you're not being listened to.
If he doesn't understand or appreciate (after I have explained to him) that when I'm painting/creating/generally being a whirlwind of seemingly random nonsense, I really just need patience, space and maybe a word of encouragement. 
If he tries to psychoanalyse me without actually getting to properly know me.
Cheating.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

A girl with kids,snobby,loud,too skinny


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## GroupHug (Jan 27, 2012)

I'm not picky or anything, but she has to be -


Omnipotent
Over 25 feet tall


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

lonelyjew said:


> As far as the clinginess goes, I personally would like it if she was *more *clingy - to a reasonable point anyways lol. If you find a guy with a fragile ego like mine, they will need constant reassurance that you still like them, and clinginess works well for that .


Unfortunately, I'm well-acquainted with this feeling.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

-Has kids
-Cheated on their previous partner. A leopard doesn't change it's spots.
-Feminist
-Not physically attractive to me personally

There's more but it's late here and I'm too tired to think properly.


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

-Smoker
-Heavy drinker
-Watches reality shows
-Cares what celebrities wear to award shows

That's really about it, if those aren't you, you've got a shot


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Drinks and parties
Cares what others think
Views introversion as a "problem" that needs to be "worked on" (see this one on SAS constantly)
Attracted to assertiveness/confidence/dominance
Has or wants kids


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Not enough passion for me grouped with wandering eyes. Shallow, superficial, keeps belittling me then says it's banter. Morally corrupt.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

srschirm said:


> Doesn't enjoy sex.


:yes

Smokers.

Bigger than me. I like to feel that I can protect her. I want to be able to sweep her off her feet and wrap my arms around her at night.

Shallow

Constant need to make smalltalk about trivial things.

Has kids.

****ty

Cheated on past boyfriends

Overly feminist (offended if I open the door for her)

Loud / Extroverted

Republicans / Tea baggers

Creationist

Close minded


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> I'm clingy too, I hope I can find a man that can handle that, haha.
> 
> You have a good list, and congrats on finding your girl!


I actually like clingy. It's nice to be needed and know that a girl likes you enough to be like that.


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

- doesn't like/want kids
- doesn't like feminism
- isn't intelligent or funny
- doesn't like sex as much as I do
- is too conservative or libertarian 
- isn't compassionate
- is ignorant
- can't admit when he's wrong
- lies or cheats in relationships
- doesn't believe in long term commitment 
- sleeps with anything that moves/has no standards
- is shallow
- is smug

*edit* forgot the most important one 

- doesn't like cats


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

I reckon I could take on a kid if the girl was awesome enough. Pets on the other hand. :no


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## Christian S (Aug 2, 2012)

Similar to what others have said:

Has / wants kids
Shallow
Smoker
Drinker / Partyer - I'm ok with drinking but she should know her limits and stick to them.
Frivolous and obsessed with celebrities
Vain
Large ego
Is not clingy
Doesn't accept that I'm needy at times
Thinks romance is creepy
Has ulterior motives for being with me
Obsessed with social networking
Always on the lookout for a 'better catch'
Wants me to change the way I am
Pettiness
Afraid of commitment

Tall order... :roll


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

- Smoker.
- Hates kids.
- Religious.
- Conservative.
- Sexist/racist/homophobic.
- Stupid.


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## kj87 (Sep 30, 2012)

Can't really think of too much that's an actual 100% deal breaker. Tattoos and body mods are a really big turn off for me personally though.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

-Has lots of female friends
-A little "too" friendly
-Outgoing 
-Not into the visual arts or very intelligent
-Too persistant


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Bad taste in music (from my point of view).


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Christian S said:


> Similar to what others have said:
> 
> Has / wants kids
> Shallow
> ...


Good list.


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## Mysteriousvirgo (Mar 6, 2012)

Liberal (if you're at least moderate on certain things, then maybe).
****ty.
Ditzy.
Feminist.
Looks down on guys with little life/romantic experience.
Tattoos/piercings (earrings/nose stud ok).
Loud and very extroverted/aggressive.
Overly foul-mouthed.
Smoking and heavy drinking.
Has kids.


Just a few things here...I'm sure Ill think of more things later.


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## MrQuiet76 (Aug 26, 2011)

anybody who has issues with my friends or me spending time with my friends... I'm not wearing no ****en leash

also anybody that's not open-minded

there's probably others, my lack of experience doesn't help here


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

The biggest dealbreaker for me is if they are ... BORING! 

I swear, I meet all the quiet ones who almost never talk. And talk very briefly and shallowly when they do. No matter my attempts to create stimulating conversation, it goes nowhere, one word or one sentence replies. And my mind is turned off by them, and I lose interest. Most of them really really like me and are upset when I start to lose interest and eventually end things, but I need intellectual stimulation for it to be a meaningful relationship. Otherwise it's just comforting affection and sex, and even that gets old after a while and I crave stimulating conversation.


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## DiceOfDiscord (Sep 9, 2012)

- a hypocrite in denial 
- doesn't like to travel
- isn't open to being spontaneous for fun
- doesn't call me on my bs
- pessimistic about relationship problems; thinks that once one problem arises, that's the end
- doesn't love fantasy
- says rude things and then says it was just a joke
- doesn't apologize 
- doesn't acknowledge when there's an elephant in the room


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

mjkittredge said:


> The biggest dealbreaker for me is if they are ... BORING!
> 
> I swear, I meet all the quiet ones who almost never talk. And talk very briefly and shallowly when they do. No matter my attempts to create stimulating conversation, it goes nowhere, one word or one sentence replies. And my mind is turned off by them, and I lose interest. Most of them really really like me and are upset when I start to lose interest and eventually end things, but I need intellectual stimulation for it to be a meaningful relationship.


That is good to know. Sometimes I can be brief in my conversations, but I guess that is something I need to work on! There are times, however, when I hold back on purpose, because I want to see if the guy is able to hold down a conversation. This whole getting to know someone thing can be confusing.


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## Schizoidas (May 11, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> Wow. I'm none of those things, except one. :b


The farting one?


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

This thread is why people on here complain about being single...


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> That is good to know. Sometimes I can be brief in my conversations, but I guess that is something I need to work on! There are times, however, when I hold back on purpose, because I want to see if the guy is able to hold down a conversation. This whole getting to know someone thing can be confusing.


ONce you trust a person, don't hold back. If they like you they will be curious to know your thoughts, how your mind works, what your personality is. Getting to know someone on a relationship level, it's like an adventure, should be exciting and fascinating. Add fuel to the fire, pour your innermost thoughts right on and watch the flames rise. Or snuff out the flames of interest with silence.


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## Cheskey (Jul 6, 2012)

- doesn't read- doesn't understand that sometimes I can't be around peopleannnd other than that whatever. I feel like I could date a cheater/liar ect cause that's more than I deserve anyway.(clingyness is bonus points though


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm not really sure if I have any seeing as I dated guys I didn't have much respect for. I just went with the flow. As long as I was physically attracted to them and they were loyal to me it was okay.

-has kids
-dull ("I love sports, fishing, sex, and hanging out with the boys.....herherherher")
-conservative/libertarian
-doesn't like cats (or animals in general)
-too in love with himself
-uptight/stiff/dry 
-tight-lipped
-cold
-controlling 
-protective of his privacy and likes to hide things (locks cell phone for example)
-type A (real into working)
-complains about my body or my clothes ("you need more exercise to work off that pot belly", "stop wearing that ugly hat")
-works in one of the creative professions (music, art, theater, writing, acting, etc.)
not that I have anything against creative types it's just that we wouldn't work out as a couple


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

mjkittredge said:


> ONce you trust a person, don't hold back. If they like you they will be curious to know your thoughts, how your mind works, what your personality is. Getting to know someone on a relationship level, it's like an adventure, should be exciting and fascinating. Add fuel to the fire, pour your innermost thoughts right on and watch the flames rise. Or snuff out the flames of interest with silence.


Thanks. This is something I need to work on too. I need to learn to open up more and not be scared of what people think.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

- Self-resigned
- Compulsively analyses and classifies people according to behaviours (everyone is individual)
- Emotionally irrational
- Uppity attitude or obnoxious in any way/shape or form
- Blame
-Overly dramatic
- Self- contradictory
- Too much book knowledge and not enough life wisdom
- Interpersonally unwilling to accept responsibility
- Emotional blackmail
- Immaturity
- Lack of open-mindedness when it comes to path chosen in life (once again everyone is individual)
- Shallow/ fickle
- Tries to change me in any way/ shape or form
- She can't have kids
- I must find her attractive subjectively


I have just listed every deal-breaker/ turn off I could think of referring back to my past relationships. In the future I will be vigilant towards these behaviours/ dispositions.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

mjkittredge said:


> ONce you trust a person, don't hold back. If they like you they will be curious to know your thoughts, how your mind works, what your personality is. Getting to know someone on a relationship level, it's like an adventure, should be exciting and fascinating. Add fuel to the fire, pour your innermost thoughts right on and watch the flames rise. Or snuff out the flames of interest with silence.


Thank you, that's good advice. I'm learning to open up. I know guys have backed away from me because I was too closed off... not that I was boring, but they thought I was not interested in them.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Droidsteel said:


> This thread is why people on here complain about being single...


LOL. There is some truth to this. You'll find some deal-breakers that are negotiable, but some are non-negotiable. :b


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Schizoidas said:


> The farting one?


A lady doesn't fart. :um

Kidding. We all fart! Why are you making me talk about fart?

Anyway, no, I wasn't referring to that one. :teeth


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Droidsteel said:


> This thread is why people on here complain about being single...


There is some truth to that. I don't have many true deal-breakers. There are so many barriers to people getting together, why put more up? You just make life harder on yourself.


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## Glambada (Sep 12, 2012)

sean88 said:


> Bad taste in music (from my point of view).


Oooh yeeeeea!!! *scratches arms in disquist*


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