# What's your motivation to live knowing that you'll die a virgin?



## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I ****ing hate life and I know it won't get better.


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## cila (Oct 16, 2015)

There are more important things than sex.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

lol wtf is motivation.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

cila said:


> There are more important things than sex.


So what? This thread isn't about what's "important", I don't care what's "more important", I care about finding a reason to keep living.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

I wouldn't consider virginity my greatest concern.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Joe said:


> I wouldn't consider virginity my greatest concern.


Way too many users here are concerned about their dicks having never penetrated another human being. :no

If you base your entire life around the ideal of obtaining sex, you will live a very sad and depressive life.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

iCod said:


> Way too many users here are concerned about their dicks having never penetrated another human being. :no
> 
> If you base your entire life around the ideal of obtaining sex, you will live a very sad and depressive life.


My alternative is also living a very sad and depressive life to be honest


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## cila (Oct 16, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> So what? This thread isn't about what's "important", I don't care what's "more important", I care about finding a reason to keep living.


you can only find by yourself, it's your ****ing life...


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

iCod said:


> Way too many users here are concerned about their dicks having never penetrated another human being. :no
> 
> If you base your entire life around the ideal of obtaining sex, you will live a very sad and depressive life.


Oh, what should I live for then? You do realize that pretty much every person gets their motivation to live from their relationships, family, their kids, etc. What point is there for me to keep going knowing that I'll never be with someone else or form any sexual/romantic connections?


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

cila said:


> you can only find by yourself, it's your ****ing life...


Well that's the ****ing thread question so why answer then....


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i can kind of relate, in an opposites kind of way. not a virgin and i live with my girlfriend. which, even though its not the magical land of everything-is-better-ness, its ok. but sex/love is the only motivation i ever had. having a drama-free gf, i lapse into the same kind of state i'm usually in. its only when i'm either single and pursuing someone or in a relationship full of drama that i really feel like i'm alive.

as far as work goes, mostly i just want to stay alive and also be socially acceptable to a minimal degree. but i'm unemployed now...

i just want to be not sad.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

My motivation is to become a benevolent and powerful wizard.


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## Zadaliya (Apr 7, 2015)

I like hugs so much more and they're more than enough for me. But of course I'm 100% biased because I don't um... yeah. :serious:


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## surviving (Oct 2, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Oh, what should I live for then? You do realize that pretty much every person gets their motivation to live from their relationships, family, their kids, etc. What point is there for me to keep going knowing that I'll never be with someone else or form any sexual/romantic connections?


There are so much more than that...find what you love to do. Volunteer and help out the community, save lives by talking and listening to SA people and helping them during their most hard times, explore the beauty of nature by backpacking with a group of people who have only done it once. I think if people live to be in those type of relationships, it's only for one reason: "because I'm lonely". I'm accepted that I am lonely sometimes and it's okay, everyone feels this way and no way does it mean I have to be in a relationship unless I'm ready to be in one. Loneliness is never a good excuse pursue a relationship, and if you do go into one because of loneliness...it might not be what you expect it will be. Maybe you might find "the one" and be happy...but I don't think it'll be so simple...


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## fonz (Oct 15, 2008)

I guess you've got to ask yourself why you want to have sex. If you want to have sex just for the sake of it to lose your virginity,well anyone can do that,it's the oldest profession out there,and they don't care if you're sexy or not,they just want their money when they're done with you...


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

I don't even care about being a virgin anymore. I've already lived 20+ years being a virgin. Why worry myself after another 20+ years has passed. 

I have plenty of other things to worry about in my life currently besides sticking my penis into sugar walls that won't even accept me.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

What's your motivation to live knowing that you'll die with no one ever loving you?


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> I don't even care about being a virgin anymore. I've already lived 20+ years being a virgin. Why worry myself after another 20+ years has passed.
> 
> I have plenty of other things to worry about in my life currently besides sticking my penis into sugar walls that won't even accept me.


Having plenty of other things to worry about sounds like even less motivation to live, not more.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Honestly motivation is just a foreign concept to those of us with social anxiety. We just....can't have any of it, you know? Honestly, can any of you users on here either...
-Explain in detail what being truly motivated feels like
or
-Tell us the last time you were truly motivated.

?

Going after motivation while suffering from SA is pointless, futile, wasted effort, a pointless endeavor.

If you're looking for a reason for life/to live OP...that's something you're just going to have to figure out on your own. Maybe you'll find a passion in something and use that as an excuse to continue living...maybe there is just no real reason to be alive...Nobody knows.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Music

I actually have a list of other things but my motivational problems interfere a lot, but I've never been so depressed that listening to music and/or singing didn't help me, I guess I'm lucky I developed that coping strategy at a young age.

You could try making friends through meetup groups too, there are guys on this website who have made friends at meetup groups with other people with anxiety.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Sex isn't everything... of course, when everything else sucks, how can there be motivation?


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Having plenty of other things to worry about sounds like even less motivation to live, not more.


You're right. Luckily I have hobbies to immerse myself in.

Like waiting to watch the new Batman Vs. Superman film. I must keep myself alive till I get to see it lol.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Doing things just to pass the time is no longer good enough, since I no longer have any hope that all I need is more time. I see what my future is going to look like and it's hard to feel like it's a future worth waiting for.


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

Just never give up. I'm a late bloomer. Thought that I'd be 30 and still a virgin but yeah I beat it by several years. Definitely can relate to a lot of guys on here. I try to preach that online dating though it can be very frustrating, it actually does work. And its probably the best for introverted males especially those with no or little experience. But a lot just discount what I say…..or what others say...I was also one of those guys too.I never really got advice for online dating though(just got general advice to get the girl).....Point is, as men we many times find our own way( many times...with a bit of influence and/or guidance) especially with women. I will say it again though. SAS, online dating work.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Rex87 said:


> Just never give up. I'm a late bloomer. Thought that I'd be 30 and still a virgin but yeah I beat it by several years. Definitely can relate to a lot of guys on here. I try to preach that online dating though it can be very frustrating, it actually does work. And its probably the best for introverted males especially those with no or little experience. But a lot just discount what I say&#8230;..or what others say...I was also one of those guys too.I never really got advice for online dating though(just got general advice to get the girl).....Point is, as men we many times find our own way( many times...with a bit of influence and/or guidance) especially with women. I will say it again though. SAS, online dating work.


Online Dating only works for a select few of men. Not all introverted men who suffer from Social Anxiety. Not only does the man have to waste valuable man hours messaging plenty of women which only one woman may respond, the man has to also always lead the conversation and eventually try to pursue and achieve getting a date with the woman. Now tell me how many men who suffer from SA can achieve all of that before quitting? I didn't even mention meeting up with the woman and trying to not awkwardly mess up through the date.

Yes online dating would be more convenient for us but it can be as bad as cold approaching offline since you would eventually meet the person and have to maintain to be an casual, confident person. Something like being someone you're totally not. Why? Because woman and people in general do not find attractive the recluse and introverted person who suffer from SA.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Nothing really motivates me that much. I'm just here existing.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Online Dating only works for a select few of men. Not all introverted men who suffer from Social Anxiety. Not only does the man have to waste valuable man hours messaging plenty of women which only one woman may respond, the man has to also always lead the conversation and eventually try to pursue and achieve getting a date with the woman. Now tell me how many men who suffer from SA can achieve all of that before quitting? I didn't even mention meeting up with the woman and trying to not awkwardly mess up through the date.
> 
> Yes online dating would be more convenient for us but it can be as bad as cold approaching offline since you would eventually meet the person and have to maintain to be an casual, confident person. Something like being someone you're totally not. Why? Because woman and people in general do not find attractive the recluse and introverted person who suffer from SA.


In the end, online dating has to go offline and you have to actually impress her on a date in person. A guy with social anxiety can't do that. If you're a guy with social anxiety, the odds are pretty high that you're just going to die a virgin, for guys it's just too hard. I tried the online dating thing, and I've given up now. I'm doomed to a lonely, celibate life and I need to find a reason to live that life.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> In the end, online dating has to go offline and you have to actually impress her on a date in person. A guy with social anxiety can't do that. If you're a guy with social anxiety, the odds are pretty high that you're just going to die a virgin, for guys it's just too hard. I tried the online dating thing, and I've given up now. I'm doomed to a lonely, celibate life and I need to find a reason to live that life.


No comment.

You basically summed up everything I mentioned and have been thinking.

Well, I don't know what to tell you to give you reason to live as we are two different people with only SA in common. I have found my reason, I hope you find yours.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

Rex87 said:


> Just never give up. I'm a late bloomer. Thought that I'd be 30 and still a virgin but yeah I beat it by several years. Definitely can relate to a lot of guys on here. I try to preach that online dating though it can be very frustrating, it actually does work. And its probably the best for introverted males especially those with no or little experience. But a lot just discount what I say&#8230;..or what others say...I was also one of those guys too.I never really got advice for online dating though(just got general advice to get the girl).....Point is, as men we many times find our own way( many times...with a bit of influence and/or guidance) especially with women. I will say it again though. SAS, online dating work.


Online dating absolutely killed my self esteem. I've lost count of how many times I've been rejeted.


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## Charmeleon (Aug 5, 2010)

If I could afford it, I'd buy y'all prostitutes.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

SASers just need to get together and have a big orgy so everyone can lose it together.


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## bittersweetavenue (Jan 1, 2015)

I just want to see what I look like when I'm older tbh.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

McFly said:


> But it would probably only be guys that show up


LOL'd!!!


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Online Dating only works for a select few of men. Not all introverted men who suffer from Social Anxiety. Not only does the man have to waste valuable man hours messaging plenty of women which only one woman may respond, the man has to also always lead the conversation and eventually try to pursue and achieve getting a date with the woman. Now tell me how many men who suffer from SA can achieve all of that before quitting? I didn't even mention meeting up with the woman and trying to not awkwardly mess up through the date.
> 
> Yes online dating would be more convenient for us but it can be as bad as cold approaching offline since you would eventually meet the person and have to maintain to be an casual, confident person. Something like being someone you're totally not. Why? Because woman and people in general do not find attractive the recluse and introverted person who suffer from SA.


I hate to sound cliché but trust me if I can do it so can everyone else. While my sa may not have been as bad as some in the past, it is now. And also it took me over 3 years to get my first date off online dating back when I didn't even have bad anxiety issues.Definitely won't take me that long to get a date these days though...Anyway my point is, I was able to get a gf with pretty bad anxiety(I still do have it, getting better though),heck I don't even have a job right now. Again if I can do it why can't other SAS members do it???


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## klavak91 (Oct 13, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I ****ing hate life and I know it won't get better.


Plenty of people get by without having sex. While it is enjoyable and intimate (if done with someone who you have a strong connection with), it's not a requirement to having an enjoyable and successful life. That being said, however, I wouldn't give up on it if I were you. Not everyone loses their card in high school or early 20s. While that's when people typically think it to be done, stuff like this doesn't have a countdown that states "if you don't do this by age **, you suck". The great thing about life is there's so many variables that you can't assume that since your experiences thus far aren't the same as someone elses that you are worth any less or have any lower potential to do great things.

Self worth should never be measured by one individual factor. You can do great things if you put your mind to it. Just don't give up, that's all.


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## CheezusCrust (May 23, 2013)

I have a lot of difficulty finding motivation myself and hate waking up, so sadly I don't have a good answer for you. It can be really difficult being a virgin because of our biology and also because of societal pressure. Some people say it doesn't matter, but why would feminists use "neckbeard virgin" as an insult if it doesn't? I received a lot of shaming even from people who were my friends, including the person I'm going to mention next. A former roommate of mine was depressed and ended up getting married, buying a house, etc. (and he had another long relationship before that) and he ended up committing suicide. I do think it could help since relationships and/or sex are important to a lot of people, but the point is that it won't necessarily solve all your problems. While it's probably on your mind a lot of the time, be aware that it might not be as pressing of a need in the years to come. Sometimes with enough time and new experiences, things that formerly bothered you won't be as important to you as difficult as it can be to see now. I will say that you should try online dating if you haven't already, though (okcupid, Craigslist, etc.)


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

gunner21 said:


> Online dating absolutely killed my self esteem. I've lost count of how many times I've been rejeted.


Rejected and/or ignored thousands of times myself my friend. Online dating can be very frustrating. It happens.....what can I say? Keep trying and you'll find someone you connect with.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

If you stopped trying, it must not be that important to you. 

If it's not important to you, then you already have something else to live for.
If it's important to you, then you have no business giving up!


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Rex87 said:


> I hate to sound cliché but trust me if I can do it so can everyone else. While my sa may not have been as bad as some in the past, it is now. And also it took me over 3 years to get my first date off online dating back when I didn't even have bad anxiety issues.Definitely won't take me that long to get a date these days though...Anyway my point is, I was able to get a gf with pretty bad anxiety(I still do have it, getting better though),heck I don't even have a job right now. Again if I can do it why can't other SAS members do it???


The majority of men who suffer from SA who use online dating sites tend to not stick with it after a week if they put in a lot of effort with no or little reward at all. It took you *3 years* to get your *FIRST* date online.. I'm sorry but that is totally not worth it. And imagine that first date not going well at all, that can lead to some major depression in not even giving it a go at all a second time.

Well they can *try* it but as I mentioned in my post earlier, not everyone will get the same results as we all are different people with SA in common. And even our SA is not borderline SA as we all have different severity amounts of it.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

If im 30 and still a virgin, i'm losing it to a prostitute. Why? Because by that time, I will be old enough to no longer want to wait for the right person and still young enough to not look old.


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> The majority of men who suffer from SA who use online dating sites tend to not stick with it after a week if they put in a lot of effort with no or little reward at all. It took you *3 years* to get your *FIRST* date online.. I'm sorry but that is totally not worth it. And imagine that first date not going well at all, that can lead to some major depression in not even giving it a go at all a second time.
> 
> Well they can *try* it but as I mentioned in my post earlier, not everyone will get the same results as we all are different people with SA in common. And even our SA is not borderline SA as we all have different severity amounts of it.


I was saying the same thing when I was your age. To be clear I was on old off n on for over 3 years til I finally got my first date. I was also very cynical at that time, I was like why am I still doing this....But yeah it actually finally worked. It took over 3 years to get my first date simply because I didn't know what I was doing.

You know I actually did get depressed on my first date ever from old....got depressed when I left her. I just couldn't get enough of her....depressed that the date ended. Can a date go real awkward, bad, or fail? Yeah. Best way to avoid is to really be comfortable with who you are about to meet. I usually talk n text a lot before meeting. Also don't be afraid to tell the person your flaws. Tell them you have sa, that's what I did.

It took a bit over a month to get my current gf number from old. It can take as little as a couple hours to get a number if you are lucky though. And lol as long as over 3 years. See I bet you, if getting the girl was as simple as shooting a couple messages you would be praising old and many others would be too. But that's just not reality. When getting the girl you are going to have to put in some work. You're going to get rejected.....a lot! You're going to need patience. I mean getting a woman to like you isn't the easiest thing in the world. And yeah man she's definitely worth it!


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Rex87 said:


> I hate to sound cliché but trust me if I can do it so can everyone else. While my sa may not have been as bad as some in the past, it is now. And also it took me over 3 years to get my first date off online dating back when I didn't even have bad anxiety issues.Definitely won't take me that long to get a date these days though...Anyway my point is, I was able to get a gf with pretty bad anxiety(I still do have it, getting better though),heck I don't even have a job right now. Again if I can do it why can't other SAS members do it???


Ha, if it took you 3 years, it would take me... never.


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

If it was that high on my priority list I'd just save up for/sell my **** to buy a prostitute.
What people on here fail to understand is that it isn't virginity that's the problem but rather the lack of romance/intimacy and the feeling of alienation from everybody else.Also the confirmation that you're deemed attractive enough to get sex.So simply losing one's virginity isn't what people on here are upset about, I think.anyway i just got up and im already speaking gibberish lol


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

senkora said:


> If you stopped trying, it must not be that important to you.
> 
> If it's not important to you, then you already have something else to live for.
> If it's important to you, then you have no business giving up!


I'm not going to have hope in impossible things, if I was able to fool myself like that then I'd just still be a Christian and be happy all the time because of heaven.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

SaladDays said:


> If it was that high on my priority list I'd just save up for/sell my **** to buy a prostitute.
> What people on here fail to understand is that it isn't virginity that's the problem but rather the lack of romance/intimacy and the feeling of alienation from everybody else.Also the confirmation that you're deemed attractive enough to get sex.So simply losing one's virginity isn't what people on here are upset about, I think.anyway i just got up and im already speaking gibberish lol


:agree


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

senkora said:


> If you stopped trying, it must not be that important to you.
> 
> If it's not important to you, then you already have something else to live for.
> If it's important to you, then you have no business giving up!


I have dreams, very big things. I have aspirations that I want to achieve in my life that I know are near-impossible for me to do because of my SA and such, but I still dream of reaching for them.

However, when you* lack all motivation and willpower and have no support network, *it doesn't matter if you try extremely hard or don't at all, you will never be able to achieve anything you want to because you don't have the motivation to do so nor the support network (family and friends, something SA also destroys) to push you to keep on going harder to reach your goals.

This is something many people in the real world and even on here just somehow aren't able to understand. Everyone has dreams. Not many of the motivation to be able to have the willpower to endure the immense hurdles it takes to _reach _said dreams. This is something I believe even the normies have difficulties with.

In essence, 
*no motivation* (caused by depression) *+ no support network* (caused by SA, you expect to make friends and have a good relationship with your family while you're a social retard?) *---> no willpower to achieve in life *(How do you expect to have the will do to anything when you're depressed with no motivation?)* = Inability to achieve dreams, goals, happiness, etc...

*This is why Social Anxiety is such a roofless and secretly punishing illness. It quite literally destroys the fabric of human nature. That nature of having the natural will and determination to achieve your true dreams, to do the impossible to reach your ultimate goal, your calling in life.

Slap on depression with the SA and you *will *destroy a human being. Once you have SA and/or depression, you lose all the qualities that make you a real human. You just become a being...a very different kind of being...if you get what I'm saying. You become broken, really...a broken human.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

iCod said:


> I have dreams, very big things. I have aspirations that I want to achieve in my life that I know are near-impossible for me to do because of my SA and such, but I still dream of reaching for them.
> 
> However, when you* lack all motivation and willpower and have no support network, *it doesn't matter if you try extremely hard or don't at all, you will never be able to achieve anything you want to because you don't have the motivation to do so nor the support network (family and friends, something SA also destroys) to push you to keep on going harder to reach your goals.
> 
> ...


I do understand ... I think these things all the time. Part of me refuses to believe it because I feel I owe it to myself to not completely give up and so that voice comes out when I respond to others on SAS as I feel and experience their suffering much more abstractly than my own. I want you to know I and others who may sound so different aren't unlike you. I also am fractured. We all ignore that fact and express ourselves through our favored fragments which don't readily acknowledge that they are one of a number for they are all empires and presume rightful dominion over all and the belief in successful future integration. Self-confidence is rewarding after all. Each nation tells world history with itself in a favored light.

In summary, forgive me for insensitivity. My words are selfish and I appreciated your sincerity and reminder that we are not alone.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I'm not going to have hope in impossible things, if I was able to fool myself like that then I'd just still be a Christian and be happy all the time because of heaven.


What I should have said is what @SaladDays said. None of this really has anything to do with virginity. ... I guess it's for that reason I just focus on the relationships I DO have. What can I do for my friends and family? How can I make the tiniest incremental and perhaps temporary step to bring just a little light to someone else. It is the frontier of what is actually practical, and what is beyond the practical just has to be relegated to the dreamed, the planned, the direction of our effort, for at this particular moment there is some small positive thing that can be accomplished. There is some next step. There is work to be done. And with a dream known to not yet be realizable and something finally broken down enough that it is within our ability, which honored in truth, does bring us some measure of happiness and reward, we can feel some inspiration and the heart of motivation. There is work to be done. OUR work awaits us.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

SaladDays said:


> If it was that high on my priority list I'd just save up for/sell my **** to buy a prostitute.
> What people on here fail to understand is that it isn't virginity that's the problem but rather the lack of romance/intimacy and the feeling of alienation from everybody else.Also the confirmation that you're deemed attractive enough to get sex.So simply losing one's virginity isn't what people on here are upset about, I think.anyway i just got up and im already speaking gibberish lol


You're 100% right.

People are upset because for most (non-SA) people losing their virginity is something that will just happen because getting in romantic/intimacy is a given.

For many SA people just having a romantic partner is unlikely or extremely hard. Getting a kiss, holding hands, a nice walk in the park with that special someone... things non-SA's take for granted in relationships are nearly impossible for these SA people.

Achieving sexual relations with another person is (usually) after several dozen if not hundreds of other successful social interactions with said person.


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## LustfulLibra91 (Oct 17, 2015)

I think what OP is getting at is that the most basic human drive is survival/procreation. Dying a virgin represents never forming an intimate relationship with someone, having biological kids, being "in love" and could result in a version of yourself you can't imagine tolerating (i.e. a depressive, alcoholic & bitter old person with no motivation to fight disease or other life-threatening hardships) and he's right. I've already made the conscious decision to end my life if I'm not at least dating/talking to women by the end of my 20's.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

Well i am living for my parents i was pissed once left my phone at home and went for a two hour drive came home to find my mum crying and told me not to do that again
i know i wont make a friend let alone find a girlfriend and get married no matter how many time i have been told i would make a good husband (all by old people that i work for) it cant happen if i dont go anywhere and talk i have tried to go places i just end up standing there listen to them talk about stuff in the end i feel so depressed i cant wait to get home


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

mike91 said:


> Well i am living for my parents i was pissed once left my phone at home and went for a two hour drive came home to find my mum crying and told me not to do that again
> i know i wont make a friend let alone find a girlfriend and get married no matter how many time i have been told i would make a good husband (all by old people that i work for) it cant happen if i dont go anywhere and talk i have tried to go places i just end up standing there listen to them talk about stuff in the end i feel so depressed i cant wait to get home


You make a good point. If you don't go anywhere but home you pretty much have set yourself up to be alone. Even if you go out and rarely talk you still have better chances than staying at home being on your PC 24/7. I don't go anywhere but school and a small gym, I have already realized that my chances are void as I don't even like the women at my campus and the women that frequent my gym are scarce and they are older women anyway.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

LustfulLibra91 said:


> I think what OP is getting at is that the most basic human drive is survival/procreation. Dying a virgin represents never forming an intimate relationship with someone, having biological kids, being "in love" and could result in a version of yourself you can't imagine tolerating (i.e. a depressive, alcoholic & bitter old person with no motivation to fight disease or other life-threatening hardships) and he's right. I've already made the conscious decision to end my life if I'm not at least dating/talking to women by the end of my 20's.


Well, not all men find these things that you mentioned as a priority in life. Survival is a requirement to live your life comfortably and in intact (In this day and age: Getting a job, having a vehicle, having a roof over your head: rent or own a house).

Procreation on the other hand is a *choice* and is not required, many people live their lives comfortably while abstaining from sexual intercourse.

To end your life shortly because you haven't talked to a woman or dated is pretty hilarious in my point of view. But that is your decision and *choice* you have made to fulfill in your upcoming days. I hope you're more enlightened in the future and decide to change your way of thinking before it's to late.


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## Joe (May 18, 2010)

no one here is actually a virgin right?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

If I may give my thoughts (for what they are worth).

Its worth looking more closely at what exactly is causing your discomfort here. You feel like its not having sex (or a relationship or whatever), that the absence of this is *directly* causing you such distress you can't see a reason for existence. But it is clear that:

1. Some people can live perfectly happy lives without sex or relationships
2. If you imagine a world where you have never even heard of sex / relationships its absence wouldn't be causing you any misery.

The conclusion here is that the majority of the pain being inflicted isn't from the lack of sex at all. What is happening I think here is you are actually inflicting unnecessary misery on yourself by _allowing_ this to become such an important thing.

So in reality, you should think of things like sex and relationships as a bonus, that is they can enhance your life. On the scale of happiness, if you are say 5/10, a good relationship might move you from a 5 to a 7 out of 10. What you appear to be doing however is allowing 'the lack of something which can enhance' to actually directly cause you misery, so instead of being 5/10 you are letting it drive you to a 2/10 or so.

My advice for what it is worth would be to minimise the unnecessary harm. Remind yourself that these things are a _bonus_ that you don't need them, and that not having them shouldn't cause distress in itself.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

splendidbob said:


> If I may give my thoughts (for what they are worth).
> 
> Its worth looking more closely at what exactly is causing your discomfort here. You feel like its not having sex (or a relationship or whatever), that the absence of this is *directly* causing you such distress you can't see a reason for existence. But it is clear that:
> 
> ...


Thank you!!


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## LustfulLibra91 (Oct 17, 2015)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Well, not all men find these things that you mentioned as a priority in life. Survival is a requirement to live your life comfortably and in intact (In this day and age: Getting a job, having a vehicle, having a roof over your head: rent or own a house).
> 
> Procreation on the other hand is a *choice* and is not required, many people live their lives comfortably while abstaining from sexual intercourse.
> 
> To end your life shortly because you haven't talked to a woman or dated is pretty hilarious in my point of view. But that is your decision and *choice* you have made to fulfill in your upcoming days. I hope you're more enlightened in the future and decide to change your way of thinking before it's to late.


It doesn't change the fact that it's still an underlying human drive, even if you try to hide it behind things like a house, car, etc. This all sounds like rehearsed script to make a lonely virgin feel better about themselves. Keep it for yourself.


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## Tomcat123 (Sep 30, 2015)

I think one of the big issues here is that this is one of those matters that basically everyone expects you to go through in life, and only gets harder once you pass a certain age, for many reasons, not all you can control. But I think it is both environmental and biological reasons people get upset about this. Personally, it's not actually sex itself that is a big deal to me, but as others have said, to never have had one really care about you (in the intimate sense) or the love a child feels for their parent, plus I think that is how most people get meaning and fulfillment in their lives looking back.

On a side note, I think it's funny sometimes when read those how to think more positively or not be depressed they always mention a strong support group, but there are many who do not have that, what do they do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

LustfulLibra91 said:


> It doesn't change the fact that it's still an underlying human drive, even if you try to hide it behind things like a house, car, etc. This all sounds like rehearsed script to make a lonely virgin feel better about themselves. Keep it for yourself.


Yeah, I agree. I have the basics I need to survive, I'm not going to struggle to live, but that doesn't make me happy. Living and working just to keep living and working is not a worthwhile life.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

In time my desire to have sex, and specially having to interact with somebody else that way, has completely vanished. It was probably because of porn xD


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

eukz said:


> In time my desire to have sex, and specially having to interact with somebody else that way, has completely vanished. It was probably because of porn xD


So true, anytime I'm feeling for an Asian woman. What do I do? Look up Asian porn and get to select the best looking Asian female. I'm tired of Asian.. I saw a hot looking blonde today..I know I can't get her. What do I do? Look up hot blonde in porn and I get to view a even more attractive blonde then the one I saw in person today.

Get what I'm saying? Porn has actually disabled any sort of drive I've had to even approach a female. Why bother when I can view a more attractive one doing all sorts of things in a video on my electronic device, the one in the video is talking dirty to me and doing all kinds of things I will never see or get in real life. I don't even face rejection or being ignored. She's right there in my electronic device ready to be played or paused at anytime in the day.

Porn has crippled our drives to approach women. But, having SA we wouldn't even have succeeded anyways. It's either prostitutes (Risk of STD and you have to pay cash) or free acces to internet porn ready right on your device.

Pick your poison men.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

LustfulLibra91 said:


> It doesn't change the fact that it's still an underlying human drive, even if you try to hide it behind things like a house, car, etc. This all sounds like rehearsed script to make a lonely virgin feel better about themselves. Keep it for yourself.


Lol, what ever makes you think you will sleep better at night is up to you.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

Elliot Alderson said:


> So true, anytime I'm feeling for an Asian woman. What do I do? Look up Asian porn and get to select the best looking Asian female. I'm tired of Asian.. I saw a hot looking blonde today..I know I can't get her. What do I do? Look up hot blonde in porn and I get to view a even more attractive blonde then the one I saw in person today.
> 
> Get what I'm saying? Porn has actually disabled any sort of drive I've had to even approach a female. Why bother when I can view a more attractive one doing all sorts of things in a video on my electronic device, the one in the video is talking dirty to me and doing all kinds of things I will never see or get in real life. I don't even face rejection or being ignored. She's right there in my electronic device ready to be played or paused at anytime in the day.
> 
> ...


Yes, I've picked porn. And I'm never gonna pay for a prostitute either. And currently, I'm pretty fine with this choice. I don't owe society anything.


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## Moment of Clarity (Nov 3, 2011)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Oh, what should I live for then? You do realize that pretty much every person gets their motivation to live from their relationships, family, their kids, etc. What point is there for me to keep going knowing that I'll never be with someone else or form any sexual/romantic connections?


 I agree that most people depend on what you listed for motivation and some other things, but that list is far from conclusive.

Flow states where you can fully engage in something can be incredibly important.

Eventually mastery of a narrow skill set, will carry over to other aspects of life.

Two books I'd recommend are the Art of Learning, and Mastery.

It doesn't really matter what skill you develop, but pick something you like (or at least don't dislike). If you spend enough time cultivating a skill, you may experience how the act of performing skillfully is in itself a type of reward. When that happens you have a great opportunity to learn about how to have a nice life, regardless of what people commonly rely on.



surviving said:


> I think if people live to be in those type of relationships, it's only for one reason: "because I'm lonely". I'm accepted that I am lonely sometimes and it's okay, everyone feels this way and no way does it mean I have to be in a relationship unless I'm ready to be in one. Loneliness is never a good excuse pursue a relationship, and if you do go into one because of loneliness...it might not be what you expect it will be. Maybe you might find "the one" and be happy...but I don't think it'll be so simple...


 If you pursue a relationship because of loneliness, you may find temporary relief, but that will not cure it.



gunner21 said:


> What's your motivation to live knowing that you'll die with no one ever loving you?


What happens is not relevant once you give up your conditioned reactions.
Regardless my motivation to live is the same.



iCod said:


> Honestly motivation is just a foreign concept to those of us with social anxiety. We just....can't have any of it, you know?


 Yes. That is what should happen, because a consequence of the conditioning that leads to SA is a huge waste of energy. When someone has SA, there are incredibly taxing and conflicting cognitive tasks that usually result in some type of burnout. Just like trying to drive with your brakes on, it's super inefficient at best, and can easily bring things to a complete halt.



SaladDays said:


> What people on here fail to understand is that it isn't virginity that's the problem but rather the lack of romance/intimacy and the feeling of alienation from everybody else.Also the confirmation that you're deemed attractive enough to get sex.So simply losing one's virginity isn't what people on here are upset about


 I pretty much agree. It's just that you really don't need to depend on other people for happiness at all. It can be done, it's just that everyone was taught to be dependent and now most people believe that friendship or companionship is a requirement for happiness.



iCod said:


> However, when you* lack all motivation and willpower and have no support network, *it doesn't matter if you try extremely hard or don't at all, you will never be able to achieve anything you want to because you don't have the motivation to do so nor the support network (family and friends, something SA also destroys) to push you to keep on going harder to reach your goals.


The conditioning you were raised with has caused you to burnout. Lack of effort is not the problem, it's just that the brakes are still being applied. The answer is simple but takes focus and time. If you're sick of the consequences of your current thought pattern, become aware of it, and try to understand why the problems you face, occur.

If you persist in a somewhat objective manner, you may eventually understand why SA happens. From there you will know to direct your mind in ways that will have less negative consequences.


> In essence, *no motivation* (caused by depression) *+ no support network* (caused by SA, you expect to make friends and have a good relationship with your family while you're a social retard?) *---> no willpower to achieve in life *(How do you expect to have the will do to anything when you're depressed with no motivation?)* = Inability to achieve dreams, goals, happiness, etc...*


That is correct. You have to find a way to stop applying the brakes.
For me that was by identifying, and understanding the thought pattern that inevitably produced this lack of motivation.

Just takes time and honest introspection. Cognitive dissonance has to be navigated objectively. There is no room for ego issues.

One of the hesitations I had to overcome was related to what would remain once my conditioning was gone. In a way the "you" that you currently know dies, when your conditioning goes. If you're willing to die in that way, and give it up, change is possible.


> Slap on depression with the SA and you *will *destroy a human being. Once you have SA and/or depression, you lose all the qualities that make you a real human. You just become a being...a very different kind of being...if you get what I'm saying. You become broken, really...a broken human.


 I was there. Completely broken and close to dying.

The suicides of my father and two friends (I never had many), were constantly on my mind. I couldn't function. If I was less fortunate I would have gone to live in the woods during that time.

Luckily I had a thought in the back of my mind that my issues were, a product of my beliefs. Once introspection, awareness, or meditation, (it's all the same) caused me to begin to understand, I was able to get past the bump in the road that will stop most people. That was because I had suffered enough to be disillusioned with the brainwashing we were all raised with.

On the other side of that bump there are many similarities to being in a flow state. I think it's fair to say that's where happiness is found.



LustfulLibra91 said:


> I've already made the conscious decision to end my life if I'm not at least dating/talking to women by the end of my 20's.


That won't matter if you drop your dependency on other people for your emotional well-being.
If you are able to do that, you will no longer pursue relationships while implicitly demanding that the other person emotionally support you. A consequence of that is that your chances of finding someone will improve.



splendidbob said:


> You feel like its not having sex (or a relationship or whatever), that the absence of this is *directly* causing you such distress you can't see a reason for existence. But it is clear that:
> 
> 1. Some people can live perfectly happy lives without sex or relationships
> 2. If you imagine a world where you have never even heard of sex / relationships its absence wouldn't be causing you any misery.
> ...


 You get it!



Tomcat123 said:


> On a side note, I think it's funny sometimes when read those how to think more positively or not be depressed they always mention a strong support group, but there are many who do not have that, what do they do?


I can't advise it because would be too reckless but what happened to me (getting close to rock bottom) worked. The point is if you're truly sick of the conditioning that causes these issues, then you're probably unlikely to resist giving it up.



Elliot Alderson said:


> Lol, what ever makes you think you will sleep better at night is up to you.


It's interesting that you are able to be more objective, about his post than your own.

"Pick your poison men." There are more options, but like you said it's up to you.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

None at all. Im just afraid to die.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

I probably will and it could be soonish, but I don't see why I should care about not having poked.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I'm not a virgin but have had no use for sex (other than masturbation) for the last 10 years or so. Most likely I will not have sex again in my life. Frankly, the libido really dwindles past a certain ago and I don't really feel the urges like I used to in my 20s. 

I live for existence. If that's not enough I don't know what to tell you.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> In the end, online dating has to go offline and you have to actually impress her on a date in person. A guy with social anxiety can't do that. If you're a guy with social anxiety, the odds are pretty high that you're just going to die a virgin, for guys it's just too hard. I tried the online dating thing, and I've given up now. *I'm doomed to a lonely, celibate life and I need to find a reason to live that life*.


I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this - you definitely sound quite different to what I remember a few weeks ago.

Just because your last experience with online dating didn't work out that good doesn't mean the next one will be a disaster. I think a lot of the time it comes down to a bit of luck with it - and also perseverence, especially for us guys. My gf was telling me today just how many men she used to get messaging her - she usually didn't even look at their messages. I was lucky she decided to look at mine.

Having sex is not going to be the answer to all of your problems mate. Even getting a gf isn't. There will always be other things that get you down.

We need to find reasons for ourselves - not ask anyone else why we should keep going. (with all due respect of course) I think it's different for all of us.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Moment of Clarity said:


> What happens is not relevant once you give up your conditioned reactions.


Yup. If you're unaffected by the idiotic social stigma towards virginity, you're kind of puzzled as to why it's supposed to be bad. I seriously doubt anyone could convince me with logical arguments that virginity is something shameful, but by all means, they can try.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

LawfulStupid said:


> Yup. If you're unaffected by the idiotic social stigma towards virginity, you're kind of puzzled as to why it's supposed to be bad. I seriously doubt anyone could convince me with logical arguments that virginity is something shameful, but by all means, they can try.


I agree.

My take: it's better to be a virgin than an STD collector and distributor. :grin2:


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

McFly said:


> So it worked out with the lady from Indonesia you met online? If so then congrats :clap


Thanks a lot mate.  Yes it has worked out very well so far. I arrived here in Jakarta a few days ago and it's been extremely intense since then. We hit it off straight away which is great.

My point though is that just meeting someone nice and starting a relationship is not necessarily in itself going to be the answer to all of our problems. We have to maintain that relationship, deal with all the ups and downs etc. I've never really been under any illusions that another person will fix all of my problems.

I'm certainly not going to get rid of her though.


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## Genos (Dec 17, 2014)

i refuse to die a virgin
like ill shoot up heroin with a hooker before that happens


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Touka said:


> i refuse to die a virgin
> like ill shoot up heroin with a hooker before that happens


I probably will hire a prostitute at some point, but that's not going be a good enough motivation to live since I don't really have the money to do that consistently.


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## RetroAesthetic (Sep 26, 2015)

There are plenty of reason to live, though that's something we can't help too much with.

Although, there are a few people here who think sex isn't important. I must disagree, I think it's completely understandable that many individuals wish to have sex. Survival is very important to human beings. But then no human can survive forever, so what then? Reproduction! It makes sense to me that the desire for sex and/or love is a strong need for some people. 

Just my thoughts. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad for completely natural feelings. All I can advise you on, is to try and look for things that make you happy. Try new things. And when I've felt bad, it help when I remind myself that I've always gotten over it.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've figured that it will never happen and that's how it will be.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> I probably will hire a prostitute at some point, but that's not going be a good enough motivation to live since I don't really have the money to do that consistently.


Make the prostitute your girlfriend.

Problem solved.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

I remembered my reason to continue live. 

Until the Berserk manga finishes.. yep, I have plenty of time to live.


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## Genetic Garbage (May 7, 2011)

Forgot to add that I want to know the identity of the boss of the black organization in Detective Conan even though I don't give a flying **** about the manga anymore.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Make the prostitute your girlfriend.
> 
> Problem solved.


But there lies the issue. If he could make a girlfriend then he would and wouldn't need a prostitute.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

VanDamme said:


> But there lies the issue. If he could make a girlfriend then he would and wouldn't need a prostitute.


Let's assume he already bought the services of the same prostitue multiple times. All he would have to do is to take the woman out on dates and tell her how he likes her and wants her to change her profession and how he wants to build a relationship with her and Bam!!

It may take time.. And lots of money. 

The traditional way of getting a girlfriend will require way more time and certain skill sets that SA men do not have. Oh, and money also lol.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Oh, what should I live for then? You do realize that pretty much every person gets their motivation to live from their relationships, family, their kids, etc. What point is there for me to keep going knowing that I'll never be with someone else or form any sexual/romantic connections?


There's more to experience in life than people. Greater pleasures than just sex.

A whole big beautiful world to explore. All sorts of things to do and see. All kinds of nice things you can buy for yourself.

You can rent a girl, get laid, or get a g/f. But it just leads to further emptiness & heartache once that is over. Nice for the moment in time you are with them. But it's always over afterwards.

Then you're back to loneliness but this time it's worse because now you know what you are missing and you crave it. You crave the person and all the things you enjoyed about them, the affection, the sex, the conversation, the comfort, the excitement, having someone to look forward to. And it kills you inside each day knowing you had it and you lost it. Lonely depression is a pleasant place compared to the hellish nightmare of being heartbroken, where you're not hungry and barely eat, can hardly sleep, every thought is of them driving you mad.

Have experiences in life and develop things that can't be lost so easily. Skills, talents, adventures, exploration and discovery, trying new things. Build yourself up so you have a life others would want to get involved in.

Don't wait until your 30s to wake up and finally realize "Shoot, I should do something with my life besides work dead end jobs and mope about.What am I good at, what do I really want to do?" This might seem off topic but it's directly tied to how desirable women will find you.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

Elliot Alderson said:


> Oh, and money also lol.


Of coures, that will work for MOST women, "regular" or prostitute. 



Elliot Alderson said:


> Let's assume he already bought the services of the same prostitute multiple times. All he would have to do is to take the woman out on dates and tell her how he likes her and wants her to change her profession and how he wants to build a relationship with her and Bam!!
> 
> It may take time.. And lots of money.
> 
> The traditional way of getting a girlfriend will require way more time and certain skill sets that SA men do not have.


That applies for ANY woman, even prostitutes. If they don't find you attractive (e.g. as you mentioned, don't have certain skill sets) then just because you bought their services is not going to be enough. There are prostitutes who specialize in GFE (girlfriend experience). That might be an option but, as mentioned, you need lots of money for that


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

I really wanna know how A song of Ice and fire will end, and I'd like to finnish Candy crush Saga and Soda. That'll give me another decade.


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## That Random Guy (Jan 31, 2015)

*Uh..*

Motivation?

Knowing I won't die a virgin.

- T.R.G.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

splendidbob said:


> If I may give my thoughts (for what they are worth).
> 
> Its worth looking more closely at what exactly is causing your discomfort here. You feel like its not having sex (or a relationship or whatever), that the absence of this is *directly* causing you such distress you can't see a reason for existence. But it is clear that:
> 
> ...


You are right but it bloody hard to ignore when 90% of songs are about it tv shows even movies even on the internet "meet the girl of your dreams now" walk down the street even books there no way to keep it off our mind and if we try some ******* has to say you will meet her one day and you wont be able to stop it
I try and stop think about it but everywhere i go i am reminded yeah it a bonus but it like everyone else is getting it besides me then you end up questioning yourself as to why it like this then depression kicks in and around it goes so it impossible to not think about it


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Joe said:


> no one here is actually a virgin right?


Are you serious?
Just take a look at the frustration section.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

mike91 said:


> You are right but it bloody hard to ignore when 90% of songs are about it tv shows even movies even on the internet "meet the girl of your dreams now" walk down the street even books there no way to keep it off our mind and if we try some ******* has to say you will meet her one day and you wont be able to stop it
> I try and stop think about it but everywhere i go i am reminded yeah it a bonus but it like everyone else is getting it besides me then you end up questioning yourself as to why it like this then depression kicks in and around it goes so it impossible to not think about it


I ****ing know right?
Every damn show has to have some stupid romance going on.
As soon as I see even a trace of romance in a show I instantly zap away.


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

If this is all you're worried about, you're doing fine.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Rex87 said:


> I hate to sound cliché but trust me if I can do it so can everyone else. While my sa may not have been as bad as some in the past, it is now. And also it took me over 3 years to get my first date off online dating back when I didn't even have bad anxiety issues.Definitely won't take me that long to get a date these days though...Anyway my point is, I was able to get a gf with pretty bad anxiety(I still do have it, getting better though),heck I don't even have a job right now. Again if I can do it why can't other SAS members do it???


"If I do it you can do it".

Well, yeah. Everybody who says that, didn't have the pleasure of meeting me yet. lol


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

If a fortune teller told me I was going to die a virgin and they were right, then i'd probably assume i'd die in my 20s.

I highly doubt I will die a virgin unless I die in my 20s or something. 20 year old is still pretty young


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> If a fortune teller told me I was going to die a virgin and they were right, then i'd probably assume i'd die in my 20s.
> 
> I highly doubt I will die a virgin unless I die in my 20s or something. 20 year old is still pretty young


Yeah, well...I had hope when I was 20 too.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

McFly said:


> What are you doing to get beyond virgin status, just curious? You come off as a smart, educated guy with a career. Even though online dating is a hit or a miss, and much more difficult for guys with social anxiety, you have more going for you than a lot of fellows out there with minimum wage jobs and and a non existing social life.
> 
> Some guys in the past here on SAS had some serious psychological issues but they did online dating, had random dates, posted their accomplishments and eventually got the chance to hook up with a woman. So it's definitely not impossible if you put yourself out there.


Well I gave up now. I tried online dating, and in college and grad school I tried asking women out the normal way. I don't think there's really anything left to try, and it's too stressful to just keep going on dates that go nowhere.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Well I gave up now. I tried online dating, and in college and grad school I tried asking women out the normal way. I don't think there's really anything left to try, and it's too stressful to just keep going on dates that go nowhere.


At least you tried.
There is no reason you should feel bad about yourself when it comes to this.
I on the other hand can't even try because well, nature just did a ****ty job with me. lol


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> In the end, online dating has to go offline and you have to actually impress her on a date in person. A guy with social anxiety can't do that. If you're a guy with social anxiety, the odds are pretty high that you're just going to die a virgin, for guys it's just too hard. I tried the online dating thing, and I've given up now. I'm doomed to a lonely, celibate life and I need to find a reason to live that life.


I think you're largely right. Guys do actually have to do a lot to impress the ladies - especially at first.

But that's not saying you have no chance at all. I think it's possible for you to meet someone. Maybe try a meetup group for people with anxiety? There were a few girls in the group i used to go to that were very quiet - i'm sure they would love to meet a guy like you. And they would understand the situation.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Orbiter said:


> At least you tried.
> There is no reason you should feel bad about yourself when it comes to this.
> *I on the other hand can't even try *because well, nature just did a ****ty job with me. lol


Why?

I seem to remember you're a good-looking young guy. You just need to work on your self-esteem a bit.


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## pandana (Jul 13, 2015)

Why worry about virginity when you can worry about the original Wiggles reuniting for an 18+ event only. Next year.


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## DiscardYourFear (Oct 19, 2015)

pandana said:


> Why worry about virginity when you can worry about the original Wiggles reuniting for an 18+ event only. Next year.


Oh my god, this made me laugh so hard.

Good one! :laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## pandana (Jul 13, 2015)

DiscardYourFear said:


> Oh my god, this made me laugh so hard.
> 
> Good one! :laugh::laugh::laugh:


Haha it's actually true though. :lol They announced it on the news this morning right before the story about the 80 year old grandma that does aerials in the air for fun. :um News, bringing important things to a tv near you...


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

don said:


> Why?
> 
> I seem to remember you're a good-looking young guy. You just need to work on your self-esteem a bit.


I need to work on my self-esteem a damn lot actually.
It's almost non-existent.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Orbiter said:


> I need to work on my self-esteem a damn lot actually.
> It's almost non-existent.


Yes, you do.

I haven't looked at this forum for about a week but i remember a girl saying a while ago that they found you attractive. Maybe not in those words but it was obvious. Can't remember who it was though.

You should look into that.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Well I gave up now. I tried online dating, and in college and grad school I tried asking women out the normal way. I don't think there's really anything left to try, and it's too stressful to just keep going on dates that go nowhere.


Well at least you tried which is a lot more than I've ever done.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

ravens said:


> Well at least you tried which is a lot more than I've ever done.


It's not like it mattered.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Well I gave up now. I tried online dating, and in college and grad school I tried asking women out the normal way. I don't think there's really anything left to try, and it's too stressful to just keep going on dates that go nowhere.


Cougar bar, and you're a fighter pilot on leave just before going over.

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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Well, even if I wasn't a virgin, I still wouldn't have any motivation.

Plus I bet food is more satisfying than sex.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Well I gave up now. I tried online dating, and in college and grad school I tried asking women out the normal way. I don't think there's really anything left to try, and it's too stressful to just keep going on dates that go nowhere.


So you get dates, but they go nowhere? Are the woman rejecting you or are you rejecting them? Have you talked to a therapist or dating coach?


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## TruthAndOtherDisasters (Dec 17, 2013)

I get the virginity thing, we live into society that has made both losing your virginity and having sex into those monumental huge things.
Not saying that it's not important, or great, but I do think that because of the way society is organized, if you haven't done anything by certain age, you start obsessing about it...Sadly obsessing doesn't help it happen faster.

Anyway, as far as motivation, I have to say *passion*.
I have deep passion for something, and that is pretty much comparable to love and sex.When you have huge passion for something, you love it, you want to do it every day, it makes you feel so fulfilled, just getting to do it for a little. It's hard to achieve at times, but what it gives you back is SO worth it. It becomes a whole lifestyle that is part of you. You also feel like you belong a little more- there is a community of people, passionate about the same thing. SO yeah, definitely passion. It has saved me from giving up in some pretty dark moments.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Music keeps me alive.


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## Wizard Lizard (Aug 25, 2015)

My husbando keeps me going. <3


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Well there are three new Star Wars movies coming up.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Music keeps me alive.


Music, hi-fi audio, single malt, and sex.

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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

cila said:


> There are more important things than sex.


Yeah like watching pron. Seriously though sex is an important part of life. It's just below the need for food and shelter.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Why have you not paid for it yet?


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## theghost0991 (Mar 29, 2014)

splendidbob said:


> If I may give my thoughts (for what they are worth).
> 
> Its worth looking more closely at what exactly is causing your discomfort here. You feel like its not having sex (or a relationship or whatever), that the absence of this is *directly* causing you such distress you can't see a reason for existence. But it is clear that:
> 
> ...


Lol stfu
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

jimity said:


> Why have you not paid for it yet?


It's illegal where I live so I wouldn't want to rape someone. I am considering paying for it somewhere it's legal, but the main problem with that is I wouldn't be able to consistently do that, it'd be something I could do once or twice a year. That wouldn't be enough to fix this pain.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

theghost0991 said:


> Lol stfu
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Starry night (May 23, 2015)

Is it sex you want or a relationship? You can have sex and still feel crap about yourself but if you're in a relationship with someone who cares about you then you wont feel lonely or worthless.

Anyway some of you dont want to be in relationships and just need sex...eventually you will find someone to have sex with.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

The Starry night said:


> Is it sex you want or a relationship? You can have sex and still feel crap about yourself but if you're in a relationship with someone who cares about you then you wont feel lonely or worthless.
> 
> Anyway some of you dont want to be in relationships and just need sex...eventually you will find someone to have sex with.


But not if they stay at home in their rooms they wont :laugh:


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)




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## JTHearts (Nov 4, 2015)

I'm not a virgin and I'm not sure what my motivation is  that's depressing

Thanks for making me realize that :/


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

ravens said:


>


The Law of Attraction at work! :grin2:


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## Apoc (Nov 12, 2010)

I have worse things to worry about than not having sex. My motivation is that I'm still alive to experience the immense majesty of the universe and the potential for things to improve.


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

Relationships & Sex are not the be all and end all to life. Comes highly over rated. 


There is considerably more to life than the above. The real question you should be asking your selves is this: Have you ever met anyone you truly loved that loved you back?


I've been single my whole life. At first when I was younger it was by choice. Never met anyone that was worth the effort. Now that I'm considerably older my time has pretty much past.


If you want some advice don't leave finding the right one until the end. By which point you'll be out of time I like I am. 


I'm quite happy being on my own but I do sometime reflect and think to myself. It would have been nice to have had a loving relationship & a family.


Don't leave it too late.


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## theghost0991 (Mar 29, 2014)

JTHearts said:


> I'm not a virgin and I'm not sure what my motivation is  that's depressing
> 
> Thanks for making me realize that :/


Your motivation? To have more sex, of course


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## Ineko (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm no where near a virgin but I might as well be, since I know I have no idea the next time I will have sex. (it's already been way too long)


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Ineko said:


> I'm no where near a virgin but I might as well be, since I know I have no idea the next time I will have sex. (it's already been way too long)


Doesn't matter.. You had sex.

You're not a virgin.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

Aphotic Apathy said:


> Doesn't matter.. You had sex.
> 
> You're not a virgin.


But as Ineko pointed out, in the big picture it doesn't matter much.

It's similar to having a drivers license without a car.. Sure, you accomplished something, but ...


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

EMPx said:


> Relationships & Sex are not the be all and end all to life. Comes highly over rated.
> 
> There is considerably more to life than the above. The real question you should be asking your selves is this: Have you ever met anyone you truly loved that loved you back?


As I said to the last one who posted **** like this, saying that there's even more important **** to worry about is giving me more motivation to quit living than to continue.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

EMPx said:


> Relationships & Sex are not the be all and end all to life. Comes highly over rated.
> 
> There is considerably more to life than the above.
> 
> .


Sex is a fundamental need. It's not "overrated".

How ironic that there's an "anti no-fap" thread on the forum, arguing that it's not good to suppress your natural desires so might as well do it whenever you please, yet at the same time many on this forum will argue things like sex with another is overrated , don't listen to society's pressures regarding sex, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 30, etc.

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## Apoc (Nov 12, 2010)

caveman8 said:


> Sex is a fundamental need. It's not "overrated".
> 
> How ironic that there's an "anti no-fap" thread on the forum, arguing that it's not good to suppress your natural desires so might as well do it whenever you please, yet at the same time many on this forum will argue things like sex with another is overrated , don't listen to society's pressures regarding sex, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 30, etc.
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


But we're talking about peoples motivation to live here. If your only motivation in life is to have sex then that's pretty sad.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

No one is saying its your only reason to live.


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## AxeDroid (Jan 11, 2013)

It doesn't matter.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)




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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

iCod said:


> Way too many users here are concerned about their dicks having never penetrated another human being. :no
> 
> *If you base your entire life around the ideal of obtaining sex, you will live a very sad and depressive life.*


Yes. People are making themselves sad. Not the other way around.


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