# Are you suspicious of people who "over compliment" you?



## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

Do you get suspicious when a person, who doesn't want you as a bf/gf, compliments you a lot. 

Yes or no? why? 

When I know a girl isn't attracted to me but compliments me a lot over simple things, I start to feel suspicious. I start to feel like she is trying to manipulate me in some way. I may look shy, timid, etc... but I'm not an idiot. Am I being "paranoid?" I feel like I am not, but you know, anxiety...


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

I feel suspicious when anyone compliments me at all. Not really because I think they're trying to manipulate me in some way (usually--I actually often end up falling for it when they genuinely _are_ manipulating me, because I'm an idiot); but because I feel like they must have some kind of ulterior motive... Any kind. Even if it's just a misguided attempt to make me "feel better" about myself, without actually believing what they're saying. It's demeaning.

On the other hand, when they _do_ mean it, my awkward aversion to their compliments usually ends up driving them away...

The price of cripplingly low self-esteem, I guess.


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## butterskenny (Nov 3, 2016)

It depends for me, but most of the time it is a 'Yes' for suspicion. 

I have had a former friend try to reach out to me, but only when her boyfriend didn't pay much attention to her. Most of the other times she would ignore my messages and just spend time with her boyfriend, so when they didn't spend time together she would just compliment me a lot until I finally messaged her back. It really bothers me, but I've learned to just accept that she's going to treat me this way if I message her back, so I stay friendly with her and don't give her a lot of my time since it doesn't make me feel right.

I wouldn't say you're paranoid, but you're more alert in situations than others are. Maybe your friend is just being friendly or it is something else, but in the end, it all depends on the person and situation. Try talking to her about it and see what she says.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

It seems like you're overthinking it. People don't typically compliment others for ulterior motives. At least, I don't think so lol


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Ai said:


> I feel suspicious when anyone compliments me at all. Not really because I think they're trying to manipulate me in some way (usually--I actually often end up falling for it when they genuinely _are_ manipulating me, because I'm an idiot); but because I feel like they must have some kind of ulterior motive... Any kind. Even if it's just a misguided attempt to make me "feel better" about myself, without actually believing what they're saying. It's demeaning.
> On the other hand, when they _do_ mean it, my awkward aversion to their compliments usually ends up driving them away...
> The price of cripplingly low self-esteem, I guess.


^ 
This. This is so me.
It doesn't happen a lot for people to compliment me though, because I try to hide anything worth complimenting about because of my insecurities.


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

Definitely. Whenever I hear someone give me a compliment, I just think they're doing it out of pity. If they give me multiple compliments, I'm thinking, "What does this person want from me?" Nine times out of ten, there's an ulterior motive.


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## NerdTron (Jan 25, 2015)

All the time lol


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## Moxi (Nov 24, 2015)

Yes, but in my experience it's always men who "want something". People who compliment you might also just be trying to get you to like them or cheer you up, there's a lot of reasons for it. It's not necessarily a negative manipulation.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

Yep, every time. Nobody has ever complimented IRL without wanting something. Now it's just habit to assume, and it keeps me safe in case they're messing with me.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Yeah, usually they either want money, sex, or some sort of favor. Now if they are a teacher of some kind, they may just be carrying over their work persona.


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## asynje (Oct 24, 2016)

Yeah I feel suspicious too.. I guess I'm just feeling that I'm not worth complimenting at all so why do they bother? They can't possibly mean it xD


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## Wolfology (Nov 14, 2016)

No. I take it for what it is - a compliment. I rarely get complimented at all, so when it does happen it boosts my self-esteem massively.


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## ShadowOnTheWallAlt (Jun 27, 2016)

Sometimes I wonder if the person is being sincere if I think they are I let my guard down.

I think part of the fear is explained in a School of life video


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

I'm suspicious of anyone who compliments me because of course they have to be lying or at least that's what my mind tells me.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

People compliment me because of pity or they want something from me.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

Yes it's a defense mechanism to prevent me from feeling to comfortable around someone I don't know too well yet.


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## Shadow5 (Jul 12, 2016)

I think genuine compliments are extremely rare. I think that in 95% of the time, there is an ulterior motive. But as others have said, this motive isn't always harmful. In fact, most of the time it probably isn't.

For instance, I have a friend who I know try to distract me with compliments when I am feeling down. I know my boyfriend will compliment me when I feel insecure. In these cases im not suspicious because I know their motives. 

When it is an acquaintance or a stranger, it might just be that they try to connect and/or make small talk. But I must admit that i really hate it when they do, because most of the time I feel like their interest is fake. They're not ill intentioned or anything, but I'd rather just hear very rarely a true compliment than try to find where is poop each time I hear one...


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

No. I have a dangerously huge ego. I love compliments.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Atheism said:


> No. I have a dangerously huge ego. I love compliments.


You are def in the right place then to boost that ego


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

rdrr said:


> You are def in the right place then to boost that ego


Why


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Atheism said:


> Why


Why? Check the post a pic of yourself thread.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I don't recall girls ever complimenting me after not wanting to go out with me but in general people who do that excessively are just manipulators .


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

rdrr said:


> Why? Check the post a pic of yourself thread.


Oh lol

(P.S. sorry for giving you a notification literally just to say "oh lol")


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

I didn't reply to this thread yet? must remedy this.

Yes, this drives me crazy. I appreciate a thoughtful compliment, of course, but to be "over complimented" just makes me uneasy. If there's no reason behind the words, it's a very strange feeling.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Atheism said:


> Oh lol
> 
> (P.S. sorry for giving you a notification literally just to say "oh lol")


What, i love these kinds of quotes. He's happy now, trust me


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Yeah. I usually think they are just sucking up to you for some other agenda, or they are just passive aggressively insulting you with sarcasm.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Atheism said:


> No. I have a dangerously huge ego. I love compliments.


This. Except I don't quite love compliments, it's sorta just icing on the cake.

What I love is as plain as input.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Atheism said:


> Oh lol
> 
> (P.S. sorry for giving you a notification literally just to say "oh lol")





The Library of Emma said:


> What, i love these kinds of quotes. He's happy now, trust me


Oh, ok lol


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