# How To Get Laid Even If You're Ugly And Desperate.



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Simply walking into Mordor is hard but getting laid is even harder. And let's face it, masturbating into enough anymore. So today, i'm going to teach you allz how to get laid! After you read my guide, it won't matter if you look like a walking trashcan or the reincarnation of a greek god/goddess; you will gain the confidence to go out there and talk to people and before you know it, have butt naked wrestling matches late into the night with the love of your life!

*1. How To Get Laid If You're Female*

Be alive...

All you have to do is go to a local bar, stand on one of the tables and shout at the top of your lungs. I'm horny, somebody please fuk me! All of the men in the room will get instant boners then sword fight each other with their dicks until there's only one man standing just to have sex with you!

Do not attempt this if you are a man, especially a fat hairy man. All of the female species will just roll their eyes at you and say "omg he's such a creeper!" And you'll be escorted out of the bar and asked to never return.

If you're a guy looking to get laid, proceed to step 2.

2. *Get the essentials...*

Condoms because no way you wanna get a girl whom you're just hooking up with pregnant. And if you do, then shoot yourself in the face with a nerf gun you prick.

Go buy some condoms (lube is optional) at Walgreens or your local grocery store. Don't be nervous about buying condoms; instead you should proudly place those condoms down with a mighty force and tell that cash register person that you're proudly getting laid. Throw some red wine and pineapples in the mix and you know that sht will be going down tonight!

Remember it's better to be safe than sorry.

Optional: Buy extra large as well then put it somewhere where it's easily visible so others think you have a really big dick. Even if you don't... Like some quirky joke that only you would get.

3. *Sign up for Tinder!*

Tinder is basically this dating app that a lot of the human female species use to either A) Get as many matches as possible with no intention of meeting up. B) Find their true love on there (haha good luck) or C) Get ****ed by some random guy they just met!

You want to find the dtf (down to "woohoo") girls. All you have to do is upload several good pictures of yourself which hides how short and fat you really are! Swipe yes to every single girl on there, proceed to message them saying something other than hey because hey is for horses! Ask to meetup, go back to your place for some fun time.

Just make sure your roommate doesn't come home early. He'll be like what the fu...?! He may ask to tag team your Tinder girl with you but you will pass out on the thought of seeing your roommate naked.

*4. Hit Da Clubs*

Filled with obnoxious bouncers, women in skimpy outfits, and random people making out in the corner, da club is the perfect place to walk up random girls and start grinding on their backside without their permission!

So if you're the ultimate **** boy looking for a lady of the night, then da club is right for you! All you have to do is find a girl who you think is attractive, engage the target in a swag like manner, seduce her, and before you know it she's puking in your car.

5. *Post a request on Craigslist*

Down in the depth and darkness of Craigslist, there is a place where horny men like you and me can post ads who are looking to get laid!

A lot of women use it surprisingly as well. Although watch out for prostitutes, cereal killers, hobo rapists, and unicorn trannies.

6. *Practice your sex skillz before you actually have sex*

You can practice your moaning skills by watching womens tennis on TV and trying to imitate them while in the shower. Practice your blowjob skills by sucking on a banana. Practice your penetration skills by thrusting your penis into a water bottle. Practice your endurance by watching the best porno ever and not giving in

7. *If all else fails, just buy a prostitute!*

Please don't ban me...


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## naptime (Aug 20, 2015)

It's less stressful for guys just to get an escort :wink2:

At least that's what I've been told :serious:


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)




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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

#6 is the only valid option for men with social anxiety.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> Yeah well I don't know about you but I have no intention of being 25 and still a virgin.
> 
> There's just no god damn place to meet women! I'm not really in college, no college dorm life for me.
> 
> Maybe my friends can help me find someone... Everybody needs a good wingman


I'm past 25 and still a virgin, looking at life right now. Honestly, it's hopeless. Go ahead and keep looking, if having hope makes you feel good. I'm pretty disillusioned with dating and women.


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## Swanhild (Nov 26, 2012)

xxDark Horse said:


> *1. How To Get Laid If You're Female*
> 
> All you have to do is go to a local bar, stand on one of the tables and shout at the top of your lungs. I'm horny, somebody please fuk me!


Lol... even if you're low-inhibition enough to actually do something like this, it isn't very likely to work if you're very ugly. You'd probably get the same treatment as a man would (aka get thrown out).


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## faustian1 (Mar 6, 2016)

Dark Horse, you made me laugh. :grin2:


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

xxDark Horse said:


> *1. How To Get Laid If You're Female*
> 
> All you have to do is go to a local bar, stand on one of the tables and shout at the top of your lungs. I'm horny, somebody please fuk me!


This is posted on an SA site, so presumably the target female audience has varying degrees of SA.

So...this advice is the sexual equivalent of *"Just get out there and talk to people!"* or, even worse, *"Just be confident!"*

And we all know how useful that "advice" is for overcoming SA. :blank

...I'm not too offended seeing as this is tongue in cheek, it's just...really weird advice to give on an SA forum. :|

ETA:



McFly said:


> Easiest way for some is to crawl up into a ball and stuff yourself up a hen.


:lol


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

this is horrible advice. 

first off . condoms suck. take away all the feeling , like why even have sex if you cant feel it . i hate condoms. i like playing russian roulette. my pull out game is top notch. 

secondly f tinder and online dating sites. there are girls everywhere you go. 

next craiglist . eww....

next dont believe you got to practice your skills. i always thought i would bust real quick like everyone says happens the first time you have sex but the first time i had i had sex i lasted more then 40 minutes. i usually last a long time , its rare that i bust real quick. i usually have to concentrate to bust.

your last piece of advice was the only good one. easiest way to get laid is get a prostitute.


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## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

You don't "buy" prostitutes, you exchange cash for a service. To be blunt, you rent a prostitute. You buy a bride.


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## Acheron Black (Mar 14, 2016)

Are people seriously taking this seriously? For serious?

It's satire... Though, the best pearls of satire are embedded with grains of truth. I enjoyed this. Good job.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

lol poor virgins


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I'm assuming this topic is geared towards men since unattractive and desperate women could get laid with probably more ease than attractive and willing women, let's be honest. Men see them as a no frills, win-win situation, requiring less effort exerted on their part.

If you're a man, what you want to do is create an illusion of being well off, yes that's important.

But what's more important is that you make the girl feel like she will somehow partake in this prosperity with you. Women enjoy the promise of security, merely flaunting it in front of her tastelessly lands guys in what we term as the DOUCHE zone.

where you want to go the extra mile is offering her the future on a silver platter. You want to throw in words like, '_we_' or '_shared_' or better yet '_joint_.' You want to allude casually to this obscured notion, and almost offer it as an ultimatum as if having sex is the gateway towards realizing this fantasy.

You want to do it in an open-ended way which saves YOUR a88 from future repercussions if the woman is the belligerent or needy type.

The good thing is, most men are pretty skilled at this. They practiced their whole lives in trying to get women to sleep with them even before they had jobs or money or anything of substantial worth.

It's an art form is what it is.


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## Corey994 (Jun 3, 2015)

Back in september I got really close to getting laid the closest I got was when she was dryhumping me with just my underwear on but I was flaccid because I was nervous. Also it didn't help that I jerked off twice that day (which I hardly every do) and that I was in my friends brothers bed. Also I thought that since she was a virgin she would bleed all over the bed if I stuck it in. I researched this a few days later and I don't think this is true. Anyone know that song "if you're ****ing, you're ****ing" by Reggie Watts. This is one of those rare cases where you don't actually know if you're ****ing or not. I mean I wasn't thrusting, and in the moment that she was trying to **** me, I was extremely apprehensive. I find this funny actually and I might joke with her that she raped me next time I see her.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

calichick said:


> where you want to go the extra mile is offering her the future on a silver platter. * You want to throw in words like, 'we' or 'shared' or better yet 'joint.' * You want to allude casually to this obscured notion, and almost offer it as an ultimatum as if having sex is the gateway towards realizing this fantasy.


Some girls do get loose if you offer them weed.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

McFly said:


> Some girls do get loose if you offer them weed.


well, I was not implying drug usage, but a joint account.
You don't really want to do anything which can land you incarcerated and a woman can't blame you for making reasonable assertions related to the future.

You may even go insofar as to include her in on your decision-making processes, whether it comes to purchasing decisions, lifestyle habits or career moves.

Women _love_ to make decisions for you, especially if she sees an investment opportunity. And by investment, I mean her time, effort and willingness to sample the goods.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Corey994 said:


> Back in september I got really close to getting laid the closest I got was when she was dryhumping me with just my underwear on but I was flaccid because I was nervous. Also it didn't help that I jerked off twice that day (which I hardly every do) and that I was in my friends brothers bed. Also I thought that since she was a virgin she would bleed all over the bed if I stuck it in. I researched this a few days later and I don't think this is true. Anyone know that song "if you're ****ing, you're ****ing" by Reggie Watts. This is one of those rare cases where you don't actually know if you're ****ing or not. I mean I wasn't thrusting, and in the moment that she was trying to **** me, I was extremely apprehensive. I find this funny actually and I might joke with her that she raped me next time I see her.


; ...


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

McFly said:


> True that. This is good advice.


thank you.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

First what you want to do is get to know each other for a few months without having sex.
You have to make sure not to do anything respectful for each other.
Don't humiliate yourself or your possible romantic partner.
Don't dress up, don't bathe more than normal or think about them as more than just another person.
Definitely don't share any financial info, and dress as plainly as you possibly can.

All you have to do next is look at each other, and decide whether you can forgive them for that awful first impression.
Now you will know whether your partner is going to be compatible with you for a long term relationship.
Make sure not to apologize. It was all done on purpose. That would be pedantic.
Compatibility is the only valid way to impress a possible long term partner.

From step one, you remembered to address your emotional and sexual needs plainly and openly, right?
Finally, indulge. Give everything you know your partner wants. Both of you. You've invested too much to turn back now.
Every day, as you get old and wrinkled and ornery, remember how hard it was to find someone in the first place, smile, and give your partner a peck on the cheek.

If you can't see yourself doing this, forget about seeking someone.
If you're lucky, you'll find someone, otherwise, stick to hookups.
The writing is on the wall.


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## Arcases (Nov 20, 2015)

gotta live with your dreams , don't make them so hard


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I think my main priority in life is to look like Kylie Jenner. And then get laid.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

calichick said:


> well, I was not implying drug usage, but a joint account.


A joint account...

Should guys work that into their opening line, or save it until she has a few drinks in her?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Just Lurking said:


> A joint account...
> 
> Should guys work that into their opening line, or save it until she has a few drinks in her?


Hey, you'd be surprised what a cheesy, but bold first line can make on her first impression of you.

Most guys end up being too overly modest that they lose her attention in the first few moments.

Like this guy who came on to me recently. He was obviously smart and well read but I kept trying to implore about his field profession but he would not reveal. I mean what the heck? How am I going to know if I like you or not if I can't estimate your pay grade?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

For all the men who are lost, confused or think I'm joking, it's the equivalent of a woman wearing a wool turtleneck on a first date.

Stop, you're ruining it!


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I for one thing think this is a great advice!


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

calichick said:


> I'm assuming this topic is geared towards men since unattractive and desperate women could get laid with probably more ease than attractive and willing women, let's be honest. Men see them as a no frills, win-win situation, requiring less effort exerted on their part.


Point me towards these guys, please, I have yet to find one.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> *1. How To Get Laid If You're Female*
> 
> All you have to do is go to a local bar, stand on one of the tables and shout at the top of your lungs. I'm horny, somebody please fuk me! All of the men in the room will get instant boners then sword fight each other with their dicks until there's only one man standing just to have sex with you!
> 
> Do not attempt this if you are a man, especially a fat hairy man. All of the female species will just roll their eyes at you and say "omg he's such a creeper!" And you'll be escorted out of the bar and asked to never return.


how will women (what you call "females") with SA do this???? stand on a table in a bar and yell they're horny?
why would unattractive women even bother attempting this?


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

calichick said:


> I'm assuming this topic is geared towards men *since unattractive and desperate women could get laid with probably more ease than attractive and willing women*, let's be honest. Men see them as a no frills, win-win situation, requiring less effort exerted on their part.


 then why are they desperate???


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Q003 said:


> then why are they desperate???


There it is


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Q003 said:


> then why are they desperate???


Desperate for sex obviously.

Who's not desperate for sex?


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

calichick said:


> Desperate for sex obviously.
> 
> Who's not desperate for sex?


if it's so obvious why even mention it.
desperate isn't the same as willing, and i know you were able to distinguish that yourself when you wrote ugly women who are _desperate _and attractive women who are _willing_.

btw a) i am unattractive, but not desperate. b)i am unattractive and not a single guy has shown sexual interest in me. so what you wrote in your posts is wrong.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Q003 said:


> if it's so obvious why even mention it.
> desperate isn't the same as willing, and i know you were able to distinguish that yourself when you wrote ugly women who are _desperate _and attractive women who are _willing_.
> 
> btw a) i am unattractive, but not desperate. b)i am unattractive and not a single guy has shown sexual interest in me. so what you wrote in your posts is wrong.


When you're HORNY, desperate and willing go hand in hand.

You said it yourself, you are not desperate, therefore you don't get sex.

I know plenty of BBW women who could get some because they actively pursue men for sex.

Men don't say no!

It's a fact of life.


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## Euphoric (Mar 11, 2016)

I wanted to add a suggestion to this. Tinder and other dating apps are definitely a good way to find a hookup, but just don't be that guy that messages girls "Hey, wanna bang?" right off the bat. Even if I were on Tinder looking for sex, I would be far less inclined to have sex with a guy that seemed that desperate. No girl likes getting bombarded with pervy messages, even if sex is what they are looking for. 

And contrary to popular belief, sex is based on more than just looks. If a crazy attractive guy messaged me on Tinder but was so obviously incredibly unintelligent or just an overall ****ty person, I really wouldn't have much interest. Because even if the end game is just sex, I still have to talk to them for a little bit, right? And I don't want to have sex with someone who has a horrible personality. So even if you are just looking for sex, try to be at least somewhat interesting. Message a girl and mention a couple of the interests from her profile, and try to actually engage in a conversation that's more than "Yo let's bang." That way even if you're not the sexiest guy she's ever seen, your personality will win you some points and give you more of a chance.

Also kudos to all you guys for the efforts you make to get laid. Lol. That's probably a weird thing to say. But seriously, it's so much more difficult for guys and I give you tons of credit :laugh:


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Let's face it, if any of us females were THAT desperate, we could get sex in a heartbeat.

But seeing that we women mostly need men to meet xx number of criteria, before letting them 8 inches of our vagina, I guess sex isn't that important after all.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

nevermind, you and i just seem to have different views on what the word "desperate" means

the thread title must also confuse you... 

i don't know what bbw is


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

"females" lmao. also, before you said "who is not desperate for sex?"


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

also as you're posting on a sa forum you probably realise some of us "females" with sa are too anxious to have sex. doesn't mean it doesn't bother us that our mental illness prevents us from having sex. according to your theory if the despearate "female" who is ugly or whatever BBW means, and therefore actively approaches a guy, can get laid, so can desperate males who are ugly and bbw. the problem might be SA. for both.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

I say if society says women shouldn't respect me, I shouldn't have any obligation to respect them.
That doesn't mean I can't have a perfectly harmonious relationship with one.
I test people for respectability all the time, and they continuously fail.
There's a difference between treating someone with dignity and actually feeling respect for someone.
It's called manners.
Seems everyone has forgotten, whether they're a criminal, a bum, a priest, or the king, they deserve the same basic respectful treatment.
How you treat someone reflects back on you. What you think of someone stays between your ears, hopefully.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

That's 10 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

Bye sweetheart, go fetch a bone.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

k_wifler said:


> I say if society says women shouldn't respect me, I shouldn't have any obligation to respect them.


why does society say that? maybe take a look at yourself to find out why women don't respect you.



> Seems everyone has forgotten, whether they're a criminal, a bum, a priest, or the king, *they deserve the same basic respectful treatment.*


 cool you even contradicted yourself.


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## Batcat (Nov 19, 2014)

OP is definitely onto something, this thread should be stickied for everyone's benefit.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Buy a nice used sports car, a fake Rolex and dress really nice. Then go to a club just before last call. 

Or an easier method is to take a vacation to Japan and go to a night club and tell them you're an American. You can also find a chat room with Japanese girls and start communicating with one before you go. This works in plenty of countries.


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## Acheron Black (Mar 14, 2016)

Q003 said:


> also as you're posting on a sa forum you probably realise some of us "females" with sa are too anxious to have sex. doesn't mean it doesn't bother us that our mental illness prevents us from having sex. according to your theory if the despearate "female" who is ugly or whatever BBW means, and therefore actively approaches a guy, can get laid, so can desperate males who are ugly and bbw. the problem might be SA. for both.


Idk, there are porn websites specifically geared towards men attracted to BBW and obese women, I have never seen a romance novel (girl porn) where the male had a comparable disorder, like social anxiety or autism.

Any novel I have seen where the male character had a disorder and there was a romance, it was a typical drama that many types of readers could pick up, not a "steamy romance novel".

The closest I could find, and I **** you not, is this lol:

So you basically you can be "Archer Hale, an isolated man who holds a secret agony of his own. A man no one else sees...", as the book's synopsis states, but you also must possess the body of Ryan Gosling... That's an example of some of the differences some men and some women with anxiety face.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20639274-archer-s-voice


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Q003 said:


> ..........
> 
> why does society say that? maybe take a look at yourself to find out why women don't respect you.
> 
> ...


1.Superficial reasons. I have a disease and was mistreated as a child. Hopefully you can do the math...

2.Respectful behavior is independent of respectful beliefs or feelings.

LOL @Euphoric, I dub thee Sir Euphoric, knight of Camelot.

I seriously can't decide whether @calichick is a troll or just really mean and stuck up.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

i think "she" is a troll and a guy.



Acheron Black said:


> Idk, there are porn websites specifically geared towards men attracted to BBW and obese women, I have never seen a romance novel (girl porn) where the male had a comparable disorder, like social anxiety or autism.


in my post i meant that the problem some women face is SA. what if they are scared to show themselves naked to a guy? what if they can't hold a conversation with a guy? what if they are too scared to go to a bar? to flirt?
Acheron Black, i've never read a romance novel & i hated every "romantic" movie i have watched. i used to want a boyfriend though, but then i came to know myself well enough that a relationship with a guy is not what i want. i only want sex. even if it's just once in my life. also, i am not obese. my body looks normal, so that is not my problem. however, just as you, i have a social handicap PLUS mental illness. i'm a 23 yo autistic woman with sa. no guy ever wanted sex with me or would ever approach me. i think normal women can at least send out body language signals so that men approach them. i don't send out body language signals to men. i can't flirt. yes, i understand it is difficult for you, but it is difficult for women like me too. i am not lying when i say no man ever wanted sex with me or has approached me in a sexual way. some women die a frustrated virgin for lack of opportunity, just as some men. it is not a pity competition.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

calichick said:


> Let's face it, if any of us females were THAT desperate, we could get sex in a heartbeat.
> 
> But seeing that we women mostly need men to meet xx number of criteria, before letting them 8 inches of our vagina, I guess sex isn't that important after all.


Absolutely no criteria. I'll take anyone human.

Still a virgin.

I wish what all y'all say is real, it's just not.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

The Sound of Silence said:


> Absolutely no criteria. I'll take anyone human.
> 
> Still a virgin.
> 
> I wish what all y'all say is real, it's just not.


i have the feeling cali is a guy.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Plenty of ugly guys get laid. The trick is to talk to women and get to know them. If that's too much of an obstacle for you then work on yourself first. Self pity is annoying and doesn't help you get laid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

dont you just miss the times when you could simply own women? I do...

edit: and what genius gave them the right to vote look at what they've done to this country!


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

@calichick I love you


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

SaladDays said:


> dont you just miss the times when you could simply own women? I do...
> 
> edit: and what genius gave them the right to vote look at what they've done to this country!


 In the good 'ol days you could trade half a cracker and what ever loose change was in your pockets for a woman. Now thanks to political correctness and all that, you actually have to talk with 'em !

The world's gone crazy I say...


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

The Sound of Silence said:


> Absolutely no criteria. I'll take anyone human.
> 
> Still a virgin.
> 
> I wish what all y'all say is real, it's just not.


how are you a virgin. your such a cutie.


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

Paper Samurai said:


> In the good 'ol days you could trade half a cracker and what ever loose change was in your pockets for a woman. Now thanks to political correctness and all that, you actually have to talk with 'em !


and all these feminists have impossible standards and they are destroying men...i think we need to take what belongs to us BACK!


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I think it's safe to say women definitely have it easier getting laid. 

#InB4RemovedByModsForPreachingTheTruth


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

andretti said:


> how are you a virgin. your such a cutie.


Thanks, I think it's the wings. Guys are really put off by them.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

calichick said:


> I'm assuming this topic is geared towards men since unattractive and desperate women could get laid with probably more ease than attractive and willing women, let's be honest. Men see them as a no frills, win-win situation, requiring less effort exerted on their part.
> 
> If you're a man, what you want to do is create an illusion of being well off, yes that's important.
> 
> ...


That is way too much work!!! You really gotta be into that getting laid nonsense to do all that...I only really have a slight interest...not high enough to really pursue it. Kind of like my interest in college baseball. I will watch it if I go past it on the tv, but I won't plan a Saturday around watching it. So, I will just remain contently parked in front of my tv whilst not getting laid and maybe somebody will like me for being myself at some point in my life (not that I really care though).

Laid shmaid. Life is more enjoyable not pursuing that ****. Music, movies and sports are all that are really required to enjoy life.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

calichick said:


> How am I going to know if I like you or not if I can't estimate your pay grade?


 lmfao.......


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Christ, this thread. I really don't understand people. At all.

*edit:* Oh god it's Ryan Gosling again I can't escape him ffs :haha


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## JDsays (Oct 20, 2015)

xxDark Horse said:


> You can practise your moaning skills by watching womens tennis on TV and trying to imitate them while in the shower. Practise your endurance by watching the best porno ever and not giving in.
> 
> 6. *If all else fails, just buy a prostitute!*
> 
> Please don't ban me...


You had me laughing in your entire post, this is so great. It's both funny and practical.

You should write for a blog on SA or something


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

xxDark Horse said:


> Simply walking into Mordor is hard but getting laid is even harder. We all want to make love otherwise there'd be no kids. So today, i'm going to teach you allz how to get laid! After you read my guide, it won't matter if you look like a walking trashcan or the reincarnation of a greek god/goddess; you will gain the confidence to go out there and make love!
> 
> *1. How To Get Laid If You're Female*
> 
> ...


I dont think an attractive guy can give advice on "how to get laid if you are ugly". How would you know "how to get laid if you are ugly", if you aren't ugly?

I strongly dislike the thought of casual sex so I will not comment on what you have written.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

calichick said:


> I'm assuming this topic is geared towards men since unattractive and desperate women could get laid with probably more ease than attractive and willing women, let's be honest. Men see them as a no frills, win-win situation, requiring less effort exerted on their part.
> 
> If you're a man, what you want to do is create an illusion of being well off, yes that's important.
> 
> ...


So you are saying rather than buy them fish and chips from the local chippy and eat them with her at the bus stop, take them to one of those fancy sit down fish and chip places?


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I dont think an attractive guy can give advice on "how to get laid if you are ugly". How would you know "how to get laid if you are ugly", if you aren't ugly?


Well i'm 5 ft 3, skinny as a rail, shy, and have Aspergers.

I think that's close enough.

Me with women is like my sister with trying to play Call of Duty online. We both suck and have no idea what we're doing. But despite sucking, we keep playing the game

And still continue to suck...

Well the only difference between my sister and I is that she doesn't care she sucks at Call of Duty. I however care that i'm terrible with women.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Evo1114 said:


> That is way too much work!!! You really gotta be into that getting laid nonsense to do all that...I only really have a slight interest...not high enough to really pursue it. Kind of like my interest in college baseball. I will watch it if I go past it on the tv, but I won't plan a Saturday around watching it. So, I will just remain contently parked in front of my tv whilst not getting laid and maybe somebody will like me for being myself at some point in my life (not that I really care though).
> 
> Laid shmaid. Life is more enjoyable not pursuing that ****. Music, movies and sports are all that are really required to enjoy life.


I would rather much be enjoying life mounted on top of a bareback stallion of a man.



splendidbob said:


> So you are saying rather than buy them fish and chips from the local chippy and eat them with her at the bus stop, take them to one of those fancy sit down fish and chip places?


I reckon that would suffice sir. You could even go to one which overlooks the water as the sun is setting and put your arm around her while you enjoy deep-fried deliciousness.


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## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

calichick said:


> I would rather much be enjoying life mounted on top of a bareback stallion of a man.


Well said, only I would prefer to be the man under you.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

TAruba said:


> Well said, only I would prefer to be the man under you.


Most men would, my friend.



SaladDays said:


> @*calichick* I love you


That's sweet.

That's one guy I know would love to be under me.


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## Acheron Black (Mar 14, 2016)

Q003 said:


> in my post i meant that the problem some women face is SA. what if they are scared to show themselves naked to a guy? what if they can't hold a conversation with a guy? what if they are too scared to go to a bar? to flirt?


All valid concerns. Women have problems, too.



> Acheron Black, i've never read a romance novel & i hated every "romantic" movie i have watched.


I meant that it's a thing, that many women read read/like them.



> i used to want a boyfriend though, but then i came to know myself well enough that a relationship with a guy is not what i want. i only want sex. even if it's just once in my life. also, i am not obese. my body looks normal, so that is not my problem. however, just as you, i have a social handicap PLUS mental illness. i'm a 23 yo autistic woman with sa. no guy ever wanted sex with me or would ever approach me. i think normal women can at least send out body language signals so that men approach them. i don't send out body language signals to men. i can't flirt.


It's not specifically about knocking boots lol, but you might find this to be a relevant documentary. I enjoyed it.

*Autism In Love*
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/films/autism-in-love/



> yes, i understand it is difficult for you, but it is difficult for women like me too. i am not lying when i say no man ever wanted sex with me or has approached me in a sexual way. some women die a frustrated virgin for lack of opportunity, just as some men. it is not a pity competition.


I understand that. There are women that experience the rejection and problems with being found suitable too.

My main point of contention was this statment:



Q003 said:


> According to your theory if the despearate "female" who is ugly or whatever BBW means, and therefore actively approaches a guy, can get laid, so can desperate males who are ugly and bbw. the problem might be SA. for both.


True, the problem is SA, for both. But I believe that the standards by which men are judged are awfully strict in the media (obviously for women too, but I think it isn't recognized how common it is for men). But that doesn't invalidate that some women also face rejection and judgement.

Also, my point about porn, is that there is at least a portion of men specifically attracted to overweight women, around 15% of pornography searches are BBW, which bodes well for those women.

But I cannot find much in the way of romance novels (girl porn) where the man has SA or autism (or some kind of related disorder comparable in dating terms to obesity) where the man also is just average looking - if they have SA they also must be extremely handsome in the novel, which is shallow, imo.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

xxDark Horse said:


> I mean yeah, autism and social anxiety makes it that much harder to date, especially autism.
> 
> I mean yeah there's an increased prevalence of asexuality or no interest in dating for autistics but many of us want to date and find love as much as anybody else does, perhaps even more. And it ****ing sucks.
> 
> ...


32 and never been in a relationship, kissed, on a date, etc. and definitely NOT by my choice. So much for just being alive. Anyone who says such nonsense obviously has no idea how to even pretend to imagine what life is like for other people. All they see is their own life experiences and have this odd, yet very strong belief that their own subjective opinion is fact. Like me saying that all dogs are loves because I've never encountered a mean one.

Seriously messed up.

Life ****ing sucks, I'm lonely as hell, and have never found another person even a little willing to go anywhere near me, let alone touch me.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Honestly, I don't know how to recognize a hooker or whatever. I've heard that there are crooked massage parlors around here, but I wouldn't want to meet a sex slave in a slave massage place! I've heard about people having escorts in Seattle, but I have no idea how to find such a service around here. It would probably be easier to go into a club and find a drunk/high chick than it would be to find a prostitute or something. I'm still not sure that it's even a little bit legal.


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

xxDark Horse said:


> then shoot yourself in the face with a nerf gun you prick.


lmao


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## AlwaysAlive (Feb 22, 2016)

eh I'd say the advice is ok


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## Hopeless Aspie Guy (Mar 21, 2016)

naptime said:


> It's less stressful for guys just to get an escort :wink2:
> 
> At least that's what I've been told :serious:


Less difficult, but very pathetic and a big no no!!


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## Hopeless Aspie Guy (Mar 21, 2016)

xxDark Horse said:


> I mean yeah, autism and social anxiety makes it that much harder to date, especially autism.
> 
> I mean yeah there's an increased prevalence of asexuality or no interest in dating for autistics but many of us want to date and find love as much as anybody else does, perhaps even more. And it ****ing sucks.
> 
> ...


You'll only feel more pathetic by using desperate measures me thinks. 



The Sound of Silence said:


> 32 and never been in a relationship, kissed, on a date, etc. and definitely NOT by my choice. So much for just being alive. Anyone who says such nonsense obviously has no idea how to even pretend to imagine what life is like for other people. All they see is their own life experiences and have this odd, yet very strong belief that their own subjective opinion is fact. Like me saying that all dogs are loves because I've never encountered a mean one.
> 
> Seriously messed up.
> 
> Life ****ing sucks, I'm lonely as hell, and have never found another person even a little willing to go anywhere near me, let alone touch me.



You're so right on almost everything you just said. I'm happy I've given up, I just wish I could stay committed to that :frown2:


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

xxDark Horse said:


> I mean yeah, autism and social anxiety makes it that much harder to date, especially autism.
> 
> I mean yeah there's an increased prevalence of asexuality or no interest in dating for autistics but many of us want to date and find love as much as anybody else does, perhaps even more. And it ****ing sucks.
> 
> ...


Desperate measures?! I wonder what those are. Please enlighten us. Are you going to put up a billboard?

There is a misconception that people with aspergers do not have facial expressions and are monotone, which could be causing you problems.

Do you know for sure that you are autistic? Because there are other things that cause the same symptoms. Lack of perception can be easily caused by lack of knowledge. People hide emotions and humans are used to perceiving non hidden emotions.

Anyway i did watch this video of another cute guy with aspergers who had a girlfriend.


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## naptime (Aug 20, 2015)

Hopeless Aspie Guy said:


> Less difficult, but very pathetic and a big no no!!


Why's it pathetic and a big no no? Not that I've done it but what's the big deal?


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## rm123 (Mar 21, 2016)

Your attractiveness is based more on personality than looks. There are a ton of guys who I haven't thought were nice lookin at first glance and then developed major crushes on them bc they're funny or whatever. I see a lot of people calling themselves unattractive but once you learn to manage your SA that will be irrelevant
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I don't want a sallow personality like in this song.....


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

wtf John. I mean, honestly.


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## GenreSpooky (Jun 2, 2016)

Cereal killers?

Do what you want with me just keep away from my cereal. :wink


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I almost forgot about this thread, lol


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## CaptainMarvel (Dec 5, 2016)

Look at Donald Trump. I doubt Melania is with him because of his good looks or charm. Unattractive men can attract women by being successful. You don't have to be a billionaire. A steady job is all that's required.

So a lot of guys here need to focus on improving their economic situation. Ge a job, get an apartment, get a nice car. Buy nice clothes and go to the barber regularly.


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