# Approaching Women in the Library



## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Is it weird to approach women in the library that appear to be studying? Or is this considered obnoxious and rude? 

Women how would you feel if a guy approached you in the Library? 


I am in the library a lot during the day and I have approached one but have wanted to approach more but I just don't know if it comes across as strange.


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## Potato Girl (Jul 22, 2013)

Personally I wouldn't mind, probably flattered if they did it in a respectful way.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

I always want guys to approach me at the library. Only one has and it was to tell me that at least half the books must be written by women now and that when he was young only a small portion of them were. He seemed lovely.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

When you did it, what did you say?

Also, I wasn't aware that people still went to the library.
Have you tried Barnes & Nobles instead?



Ignopius said:


> Is it weird to approach women in the library that appear to be studying? Or is this considered obnoxious and rude?
> 
> Women how would you feel if a guy approached you in the Library?
> 
> I am in the library a lot during the day and I have approached one but have wanted to approach more but I just don't know if it comes across as strange.


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## bubbletea (May 31, 2014)

as long as you are nice about it and not bothering her she will probably be flattered. but then again it might depend on whether she finds you attractive or not, or whether she is very busy at that moment


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

I don't study in libraries anymore usually. However, if I was studying in a library, then I'd be pretty annoyed if someone approached me to chat me up while I was trying to be productive. Unless you're in one of her classes and offering to study together, then you probably shouldn't do it.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Raeden said:


> I don't study in libraries anymore usually. However, if I was studying in a library, then I'd be pretty annoyed if someone approached me to chat me up while I was trying to be productive. Unless you're in one of her classes and offering to study together, then you probably shouldn't do it.


Wouldn't you get annoyed if anyone approached you to chat you up at any time?

Assuming of course, they're not cats.


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## Putin (May 21, 2013)

Really not a good idea man. Most girls will give you the deer in headlights / wtf look.


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## bluecrime (Jan 27, 2013)

Women get upset if guys randomly ‘hit on them’ in random and inappropriate places. A library would be one of them. Just let them be. Learn to be respectful of others, yeah!


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## snowinginmyheart (Oct 30, 2014)

I wish someone would do that to me lol


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I'm not saying I'd react positively (deer-in-headlights forever) but I wouldn't be offended. I'd probbaly be suspicious he was making fun of me. Once I got over the shock I'd be chuffed to bits, but by that time the guy would have walked away. I will abort any interaction like this within about three minutes max, because I am just that awkward.

I'd feel better about it in a campus library than a public library. If I know somebody else is a student at the university too, it automatically feels more unthreatening.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

I'm with the idea that nearly any situation that you would see a girl some place would be inappropriate. The only reason people go out are to do stuff so often times they are busy. If you want to try and talk to a stranger 9/10 they will be annoyed/creeped out unless you were attractive to them i think. Honestly it shouldn't be like this in my opinion though. Why do we make it so difficult to befriend each other? This is the reason so many of us are single because there's literally NO situation where we wouldn't be bothering the person or creeping them out in some way. How many public settings would be appropriate to bother a stranger then?

I think it's nearly impossible to get to know a girl you may like unless you had a class with them or something else to do with them. It honestly should be easier than this... why can't us guys just be like "Hey I'm interested in you may i have your number?". That seems so cliche yeah but it would make life so much easier. I guess this would work if you were really slick about it though.

Most of the time a guy would be considered creepy because he's either not attractive, awkward, or unknown to the girl. A guy will forever be a stranger unless he's figured out a way to speak to a girl without it being inappropriate. Why don't you girls give us some examples of situations which wouldn't be creepy? If a library is not appropriate then what is? Girls seem to get annoyed when guys they aren't interested in flirt with them but at the same time won't make any moves on the guys they like.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Conversation isn't weird, like talking to a girl about what she's reading or if you've seen her in a class, deciding you like each other, and going out for coffee later. Going with the purpose of picking up women or getting dates is.

I'd be annoyed because typically men in those positions have nothing of value to say or offer (a penis doesn't count), because the selection is either random or appearance-based. They're not genuinely into discussing our shared field, our shared interests, learning about each other's fascinating personalities, or having a laugh because it's not about connection and there's nothing shared in the first place. 

My parents went the route of marrying someone they dated because they were cute and nice, and stayed with because they got along. They were miserable for 20 years. I don't want to be with someone because they're cute, nice, and approached me at work or in a library and be miserable with them for 20 years. That is my argument to men who think I should be open to cold approaches from people who have no meaningful reason to be talking to me or caring about me, along with many, many cases of people being miserable with people who are nothing like them but not a terrible person.

In a library setting, yeah that's disruptive.


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## Shameful (Sep 5, 2014)

Kind Of said:


> Conversation isn't weird, like talking to a girl about what she's reading or if you've seen her in a class, deciding you like each other, and going out for coffee later. Going with the purpose of picking up women or getting dates is.
> 
> *I'd be annoyed because typically men in those positions have nothing of value to say or offer (a penis doesn't count), because the selection is either random or appearance-based*. They're not genuinely into discussing our shared field, our shared interests, or having a laugh because it's not about connection and there's nothing shared in the first place.
> 
> In a library setting, yeah that's disruptive.


This bothers me about every form of cold approach. I think it's the silliest and least effective way to meet someone and at best I would be annoyed by someone doing it because now I have to find my place in what I was reading again and I'm forced now to interact with this person and make him leave me alone.


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## Hikikomori2014 (Sep 8, 2014)

Interesting perspective.
IMHO, the only "inappropriate" place to hit on someone is
at a funeral.



LichtLune said:


> I'm with the idea that nearly any situation that you would see a girl some place would be inappropriate. The only reason people go out are to do stuff so often times they are busy. If you want to try and talk to a stranger 9/10 they will be annoyed/creeped out unless you were attractive to them i think. Honestly it shouldn't be like this in my opinion though. Why do we make it so difficult to befriend each other? This is the reason so many of us are single because there's literally NO situation where we wouldn't be bothering the person or creeping them out in some way. How many public settings would be appropriate to bother a stranger then?
> 
> I think it's nearly impossible to get to know a girl you may like unless you had a class with them or something else to do with them. It honestly should be easier than this... why can't us guys just be like "Hey I'm interested in you may i have your number?". That seems so cliche yeah but it would make life so much easier. I guess this would work if you were really slick about it though.
> 
> Most of the time a guy would be considered creepy because he's either not attractive, awkward, or unknown to the girl. A guy will forever be a stranger unless he's figured out a way to speak to a girl without it being inappropriate. Why don't you girls give us some examples of situations which wouldn't be creepy? If a library is not appropriate then what is? Girls seem to get annoyed when guys they aren't interested in flirt with them but at the same time won't make any moves on the guys they like.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Kind Of said:


> I'd be annoyed because typically men in those positions have nothing of value to say or offer (a penis doesn't count), because the selection is either random or appearance-based. They're not genuinely into discussing our shared field, our shared interests, learning about each other's fascinating personalities, or having a laugh because it's not about connection and there's nothing shared in the first place.
> 
> In a library setting, yeah that's disruptive.


My sentiments exactly. The library is no place for PUA tactics - or anywhere, for that matter.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

What it really comes down to is, if you aren't...

1) Offering me something, as in a business connection or two people who need each other's skills.
2) A genuine connection, such as a friend who has my back or someone who feels a draw to me and wants to learn more.
3) Someone just passing by who doesn't ask for more, like the barista I chat to.

Then you have no business in my life. I'm not a charity for other people's social shortcomings. 

I'm sure it sounds horrible and all, but thankfully this also applies to every other type of relationship, such as men and their friendships. If someone comes out of nowhere and wants to befriend you but doesn't really connect with you, doesn't have anything in common with you, and doesn't bring anything you want to the table, you're not obligated to keep an open mind and give it a try.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Quietly


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Kind Of said:


> Conversation isn't weird, like talking to a girl about what she's reading or if you've seen her in a class, deciding you like each other, and going out for coffee later. Going with the purpose of picking up women or getting dates is.
> 
> I'd be annoyed because typically men in those positions have nothing of value to say or offer (a penis doesn't count), because the selection is either random or appearance-based. They're not genuinely into discussing our shared field, our shared interests, learning about each other's fascinating personalities, or having a laugh because it's not about connection and there's nothing shared in the first place.
> 
> ...


But you want to know what my problem with this is? The notion that if a guy is interested in you or try's to talk to you that he only wants to stick his dick in you. How do we know if we have anything in common with this girl? We want to talk to you because we want to see if you are the kind of person we might get along with. The only way of knowing that is by going out on a date or something along those lines. Isn't that what a date is for? To get to know who they are? Sure maybe they had a physical attraction for you initially or maybe something else about you was interesting to them but never mind that.

This is how i see it, the very first thing in determining if someone is a worthy partner for me is if they are attractive. I won't sugarcoat this. If I'm not attracted to you then i can't love you. I can't force love and i can't force physical attraction it won't happen sorry.

That being said it's only the first thing i look for and not the only thing and certainly not the most important quality i look for. Maybe they have a **** character but i don't know that yet. If they do i wouldn't be interested in them plain and simple. If I'm a guy and i try to talk to you then I'm interested and see potential in you for whatever reason. Gauge the guys intentions later don't just assume things.

Though i agree that you shouldn't settle for someone just because they are nice to you or because there's a mutual attraction. All of those other things are very important too but those things are revealed after getting to know the person.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

LichtLune said:


> But you want to know what my problem with this is? The notion that if a guy is interested in you or try's to talk to you that he only wants to stick his dick in you. How do we know if we have anything in common with this girl? We want to talk to you because we want to see if you are the kind of person we might get along with. The only way of knowing that is by going out on a date or something along those lines. Isn't that what a date is for? To get to know who they are? Sure maybe they had a physical attraction for you initially or maybe something else about you was interesting to them but never mind that.
> 
> This is how i see it, the very first thing in determining if someone is a worthy partner for me is if they are attractive. I won't sugarcoat this. If I'm not attracted to you then i can't love you. I can't force love and i can't force physical attraction it won't happen sorry.
> 
> ...


Easily avoidable by talking for the sake of talking and going from there, without trying to lead the conversation to flirting, whether or not she has a boyfriend, or getting a number. I already said that there's approaching a girl to talk and approaching a girl with an end goal in mind.

An evening for a date is a pretty big commitment to "get to know" someone versus a 10- or 20-minute conversation in a library, especially when most random people just aren't going to get along in the first place. That's another problem with cold approaches - it tries to make functional what doesn't even work for friendships, then acts like it's the end of the world when that doesn't happen. Many cultures, US included, also typically handle socializing in particular ways right down to where you make your friends. It's not some horrible plot or prejudice against men, it's men thinking that everything from cultural social norms to plain and simple odds won't affect their social lives at all.

Try it with men as friends. They will similarly have limited to no interest in you selecting them from the cafe, sitting down next to them, and asking to hang out later to study, play basketball, or play videogames. They do not know you. They do not have any reason to want to know you. They want to select from places like their classes, workplace, clubs, and existing social circles. Women are the same.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Kind Of said:


> Easily avoidable by talking for the sake of talking and going from there, without trying to lead the conversation to flirting, whether or not she has a boyfriend, or getting a number. I already said that there's approaching a girl to talk and approaching a girl with an end goal in mind.
> 
> An evening for a date is a pretty big commitment to "get to know" someone versus a 10- or 20-minute conversation in a library, especially when most random people just aren't going to get along in the first place. That's another problem with cold approaches - it tries to make functional what doesn't even work for friendships, then acts like it's the end of the world when that doesn't happen. Many cultures, US included, also typically handle socializing in particular ways right down to where you make your friends. It's not some horrible plot or prejudice against men, it's men thinking that everything from cultural social norms to plain and simple odds won't affect their social lives at all.
> 
> Try it with men as friends. They will similarly have limited to no interest in you selecting them from the cafe, sitting down next to them, and asking to hang out later to study, play basketball, or play videogames. They do not know you. They do not have any reason to want to know you. They want to select from places like their classes, workplace, clubs, and existing social circles. Women are the same.


Talking for the sake of talking? Don't forget you're talking to someone with social anxiety after all! But i understand lol. Honestly though i would rather get to know a girl in text a little first and then call her or plan a date later.

Anyway my main point is simply about how difficult it is to gauge the right moment or which would be appropriate to try and sit down and talk to someone you don't know. Do you honestly think most people would sit down and have a conversation with a complete stranger for 15/20 minutes? more than likely not.

So then i guess what I'm getting at here is that the only appropriate areas to try and strike a date/flirt would be at a club, In your class, at your work area, or some other social event? I always thought of clubs as merely hooking up. Your work place or classroom is very limited... honestly not a lot of choices unless you go to a music festival or something i guess.


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