# Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interested?



## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

I mean, is smiling & saying hi really enough?

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## NickLurker (Jun 24, 2007)

depends of the context, ive quite a while observed how other people do this "courting process", do you mean in general as in approaching someone at a coffee bar or in a night club or disco? In a disco or nightclub sitting next to someone and talking to them is usually good, starting simply commenting on the music, something light like that, open the dialogue. If its somewhere more open and reserved, say like a diner/coffee place ask if you can sit next to them. It its high school...thats a little complicated because the rules change all the time

What context were you thinking?


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

well, I talk about this in another post...see, there's this guy that works at the hospital...I'm doing clinical practicum at a nursing home (part of graduate program) & so sometimes I go to the hospital. I only see this guy briefly...he comes into the x-ray room for like 30 minutes...but during that time, about 4 other people are the room, so it's not one on one...and anyway, he's supposed to be doing work and I'm just kinda watching...not watching him, watching another professional, so it's not like I can ask him questions on his work.

I don't know. This is probably a confusing story. Basically, in a work situation where you don't know the guy and will only be around him briefly & there are no easy opportunities to start convo with him. Whadya think?

___________________________
http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

To answer your first question, yes... that can be all it takes.

to answer your second post -> a suggestion I'll give in a professional environment is to ask him to lunch. Very casual, no strings. I would say don't be real forward with him, but a simple hello. Yep, in most cases we'll fall for that.


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



Airick10 said:


> To answer your first question, yes... that can be all it takes.
> 
> to answer your second post -> a suggestion I'll give in a professional environment is to ask him to lunch. Very casual, no strings. I would say don't be real forward with him, but a simple hello. Yep, in most cases we'll fall for that.


Asking him to lunch- that'd be great, if:
1. I had the guts to do this.
2. I have to immediately go back to the nursing home after we're done...& I doubt we have lunch at the same time anyways.


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Trust me, I definitely understand the part if you could find the courage :afr

The problem is you can throw signals his way.. but we just don't pick up on signals very well. You can go to work in a bikini... that might grab his attention!

As far as lunch -> MAKE the time for it. Don't make scheduling an excuse! I'm a professional as well and I know that can't be easy, but if you are determined go for it.


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



Airick10 said:


> Trust me, I definitely understand the part if you could find the courage :afr
> 
> The problem is you can throw signals his way.. but we just don't pick up on signals very well. You can go to work in a bikini... that might grab his attention!
> 
> As far as lunch -> MAKE the time for it. Don't make scheduling an excuse! I'm a professional as well and I know that can't be easy, but if you are determined go for it.


Okay, well I don't see him everyday, not even every week....but there is a chance I could see him tomorrow morning. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll somehow find the courage to ask him to lunch or even just to talk....but I can pretty much already tell you what's going to happen...I'm going to chicken out. :hide Sometimes it really sucks to be shy.

___________________________
http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

That's a very tough situation, especially for someone shy. I think you have no other choice but to be very forward with him. Do you even get to chat with him at all? It's pretty effective when a girl is talking to a guy and she touches our forearm gently or something, that's a pretty obvious signal.


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

*Re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*



itsjustme24 said:


> I mean, is smiling & saying hi really enough?
> 
> ___________________________
> http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


No, some girl came into my work last night that really got me going. All she did was hold eye contact, smile, and while me and what I am guessing was a boyfriend or date where finishing the transaction, she stated asking how I was. I was thinking ok that's out of the blue, she must either like me or trying to get this guy jealous. Then when they were walking away she looked back and smiled again and that when too me it became clear she was interested. She was also doing one of those sexy smiles not your average smile you give to someone.

Just a smile and hi still leaves a lot of room for interpretations. when a girl smiles and say hi, a guys first reaction is: Does she like me? it is not This girl likes me! Eighter the girl or guy has to make the leap, and do one thing that is out of the ordinary and overt. touch the other person while talking, body language, tone of voice. Truly and I know some girls hate this but to get the attention of a guy the easiest and best way is traditional flirting.

while looking up overt flirting stuff above, I stumbled onto this article.

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

It actually is pretty good and it is not like those stupid make me a pimp video's. All of it is based off stuff you would learn about in Psych. 101, but expanded on a bit. It's long and trying to use all the info in a real situation would be hugely overwhelming, plus you do some of the stuff automatically. I'll take some parts that are easy to do and post them here. I know some of these are our weak points but still good to know stuff.



> Touching :
> 
> "The first rule, for both sexes, is: touch, but be careful. Women are much less comfortable about being touched by an opposite-sex stranger than men, so men should take care to avoid any touches which may seem threatening or over-familiar. Men are inclined to interpret women's friendly gestures as sexual invitations, so women should be equally careful to avoid giving misleading signals with over-familiar touches.
> 
> ...





> Asking guys out :
> 
> Dating manuals and articles in glossy women's magazines also constantly insist that it is perfectly acceptable nowadays for women to take the initiative in asking men out. In fact, they never fail to exclaim, men love it when women take the initiative. This is quite true, and if you read the more scientific research on the subject, you will find out why. The studies and experiments show that men perceive women who take the initiative in asking a man out as more sexually available. To put it more bluntly, if a woman asks them out, they think they have a better chance of 'scoring'. Naturally, they are delighted.
> 
> If you are female, and wish to avoid giving this impression, there is a simple solution. Instead of asking for his phone number, offer your own. Say something like: "Maybe we could have a drink sometime? - here's my number". This makes it perfectly clear that you are interested, but still requires the man to take the initiative in asking for a date.





> Reciprocal disclosure
> 
> One of the most important aspects of verbal flirting is what psychologists call 'reciprocal disclosure' - the exchange of personal information. In fact, unless partners disclose at least some personal details, the conversation can hardly be called a flirtation.
> 
> ...





> Humour
> 
> Humour is a powerful flirting tool. It is almost impossible to flirt successfully or enjoyably without it, and yet it can easily backfire if abused or misused.
> 
> On the positive side, studies have shown that people who use humour in social encounters are perceived as more likeable, and that both trust and attraction increase when a light-hearted approach is used. Judicious use of humour can reduce anxiety and establish a relaxed mood which helps a relationship to develop more rapidly. A slightly risqué joke can help to escalate the level of intimacy in a flirtatious conversation.





> Eye contact
> 
> Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter.
> 
> ...


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Great site!


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Wow, R, thanks so much! Great info!


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

a smile and hi doesnt really say much


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



Gumaro said:


> a smile and hi doesnt really say much


Yes it does, but I think she is asking is it enough? Generally you need to do just a bit more to hook one of us guys.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*



itsjustme24 said:


> I mean, is smiling & saying hi really enough?
> 
> ___________________________
> http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


After a recent situation with a shy girl I honestly don't know. I'll admit it's hard for you girls that are shy especially if you're interested in a quiet, shy, guy that doesn't know what to say or how to start a convo or an sa guy. The girls that are more outspoken are much easier to talk to if I'm being honest  Believe it or not your best move may be somehow revealing that you are shy. Because shy can be confused with a girl that has zero interest in you.

Great song choice on your myspace by the way. The Fray are awesome! And now I've lost all if any credibility that I had :lol


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



R said:


> Gumaro said:
> 
> 
> > a smile and hi doesnt really say much
> ...


Yep, I'm just asking is it enough to give off some initial sign of interest...enough for him to notice, to get him thinking.

Gumaro, if you are very upfront with girls, then good for you. But I'm shy & I need to ease into it...or else I'm just not going to do anything at all.


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*Re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*



scairy said:


> itsjustme24 said:
> 
> 
> > I mean, is smiling & saying hi really enough?
> ...


Yeah, I can definitely see how shy can be confused with no interest. That's a good idea about revealing my shyness. I do that a lot anyway actually. If I sort of jokingly say I'm shy just to get it out there, people seem to think that's cute (versus not saying you're shy & being interpreted as cold/unfriendly).

Thanks! I think The Fray are awesome too. 

___________________________
http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


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## GaSS PaNiCC (Mar 27, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

It all depends on the level of intention behind your smile and hello really. It really does not take much for a guy to recognize when a girl likes him, really it isn't that hard. Most guys are reaaaaaaallllllly flattered actually, so i think you'll actually be surprised in the outcome if you remember to approach him with a positive expectation rather then a negative one. Expect the best, even if it doesn't turn out as you hoped, there is no harm in trying for only the best can happen really. If it doesn't then move on he clearly did not get the message and is not worth your time.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

You might want to try asking this question on a regular romance message board. Perhaps our views are skewed by the fact that we have social problems. For instance, I'm so starved for affection that if a girl smiled at me or even gave me a second glance I'd think she found me attractive (even if that isn't the case and not that I would talk to her anyway). Some girls recently have given me a glance that said to me they were checking me out but I could have been wrong. Because I'm starving I'll take anything. But perhaps the guy you are talking about isn't starving and it might take a little more than just a smile to get his attention. Good luck.


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Update for ya: He wasn't working on the day I went in, so I didn't see him. Probably never will again. Hate to be one of those people who says nothing good ever happens to me...but it seriously doesn't!...nothing good when it comes to relationships.

I did the whole serious relationship thing, dated a guy for close to 6 yrs. Ever since then, no relationship has even close to worked. Maybe I just somehow lost it. Maybe I'm not cut out to be in a relationship anymore. Ugh....

____________________________
http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Perhaps you should try registering for an online dating site. That way you can let guys know in your description that you're kind of shy. Considering that you're shy it might be easier for you to get a guy's interest with your words than with little signals like smiling and flirting in person. A few dating sites exclusively for shy people exist but depending on where you live you might have a lot or very few members in your area: ShyPassions.com, SocialAnxietyMatch.com and NoLongerLonely.com (this last one is for anyone who is mentally ill, not just those with social anxiety). I hope your dating situation gets better!


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll try it out later, but I'm just not that into the idea of online dating. It doesn't seem romantic. And it seems like too much pressure. It's like from the very beginning you are trying to see if you are a match or not. I'd rather have that period of flirting & mystery as to whether the other person likes you or not.

Anyways, I'm not that shy as to where I absolutely can't meet anyone. I'm just shy to the point where I won't make the first move with someone I barely know...but probably lots of people are like that. My problem is I just never meet anyone that I'm interested in. I haven't met anyone that I'd give a second glance to in a couple years. Then, when I finally do, it's not a good situation to get anything started &, like I said, I don't make the first move.


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## justlistening (Dec 4, 2006)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



itsjustme24 said:


> I'm just not that into the idea of online dating. It doesn't seem romantic. And it seems like too much pressure. It's like from the very beginning you are trying to see if you are a match or not. I'd rather have that period of flirting & mystery as to whether the other person likes you or not.


That's exactly why I would never consider online dating either.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

*re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's interes*

Granted the circumstances, maybe you could slip him a note while you are around him with a little friendly message and your telephone number? What have you to lose? Fortune favors the brave. ; - +


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## itsjustme24 (Jan 2, 2007)

*Re: re: Guys:what can a shy girl do to let ya know she's int*



dosmuski said:


> Granted the circumstances, maybe you could slip him a note while you are around him with a little friendly message and your telephone number? What have you to lose? Fortune favors the brave. ; - +


Good idea. I could probably work up the courage to slip him a note.

Although, me being the negative person I am, I'm already envisioning that he almost certainly will not contact me back.

I mean, I would think it was endearing if a guy slipped me a note. Let me rephrase, I'd find it endearing if I found the guy attractive & had some initial interest in him. What if he's doesn't find me attractive? What if he's like, "who is this weirdo girl?" Haha.

We'll, see. I only have one more chance to maybe run into him at the hospital. If he's not working on that day, then that's the end of this story.........
___________________________
http://www.myspace.com/mariposa8i8


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

she would have to be direct.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Old thread you bumped up... but perhaps relevant topics still.

I have had women looking and smiling at me before, probably some were doing it as a sign of being interested, but the 1 or 2 I approached were not interested so it has to be more direct than that.

Maybe some shy women should try small talk if they like the guy. So if the guy goes outside for a smoke on his own, go out for 1 also (if you smoke) and just make general small talk.

If you don't smoke then maybe go to the bar when they do and also try small talk


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