# Answer to "Do you have a BF GF and why not?"



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

What's your current popular response? I still haven't used the whole I'm gay thing, lol. My current answer is the opposite sex doesn't like me. It works well because then if it's a girl and she says "really" or "why" you can respond with "you tell me". If it's a guy and he says "really" you can :stu and just look baffled and confused :b.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Wow, Scairy. :eek :lol

I just say that I have too much going on in my life right now - no time. For me, this is basically the truth.


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## girlleo19 (Feb 23, 2008)

no because my parents are strict,, :lol


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## Lilium (Feb 24, 2008)

I usually say that I'm just really picky and haven't found the right guy yet...otherwise I tell people that I don't mind being single, and that I really like the independence that comes with singledom. People usually seem pretty satisfied with these answers


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

I just say, its not one of my top priorities at the moment.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

No one asks me, so I suppose the reasons I'm single are completely obvious. If someone did ask, I guess I would just say that I'm too busy with school and realizing my full potential or some other bs along those lines.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

if they are married i tell them im waiting for them to ask me out. if they arent married then i tell them i havent met someone who doesnt want to get married or have kids (not ive made up my mind on marriage/kids)


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## roswell (Feb 4, 2006)

"No."

"Iunno..." *shrug*


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Believe it or not, I can't remember anyone even asking me this question. Perhaps it has happened, but if so, it had to be many years ago since I have NO memory of being asked this. :shock

I suppose I'd just say I'm not really interested enough in relationships to pursue them.


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## RedRascal (Dec 7, 2007)

i can predict this question before it happens and i usually just find a way to leave the room before hand


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## HangNail (Sep 1, 2005)

nobody has ever asked me that before :um 

if somebody did, I'd prolly say "I'm too busy" (which is a flat-out lie :lol )


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## WhatsThePoint (Feb 6, 2008)

"Yeah, your mom."


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

"What? You think I can't make it on my own without some useless man to watch over me? I'm an adult and can do things for myself, thank you very much, you stupid beyotch. :mum "

Or:

"Why don't I have a boyfriend? Why don't you have ______ is more like it, you stupid beyotch."

Or something like that. I actually haven't gotten that question yet, but something tells me it will be along those lines. 

In any case, the conversation isn't going to go well. Hooray for repressed anger! :banana

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Kuromi (Mar 1, 2008)

if somebody asks me, I simply tell the truth. I'm too shy and ugly, so nobody ever shows any interest. (except of course psychotic stalkers, but I won't get into that :lol )


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## AJFA88 (Jun 16, 2007)

i usually say that im too busy to engage on a relationship


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

No one ever asks me that. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing :con


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

mserychic said:


> No one ever asks me that. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing :con


Yeah, I never get asked that question either.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Me either. I assume it's pretty obvious.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

No, It's because I'm too busy with school and I spent the last six months crushing over a guy who was 11 years younger then me and that's the truth.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

SAgirl said:


> No, It's because I'm too busy with school and I spent the last six months crushing over a guy who was 11 years younger then me and that's the truth.


Yeah I used to say this when I was in school but I've finished. I guess I could use my career but currently I'm not in a position where I'm furthering my career.


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## Big Me (Dec 27, 2007)

no, because I suck 

seriously, either because i'm too shy or ugly or stupid, but no one's ever asked me either


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## HumiliatedGuy (Jan 13, 2008)

You might be lucky that you're getting asked. I never get asked. I have a medical condition and I've moved around a lot and I have often have to tell a secretary or nurse whether I am single or married for registration purposes and they never ask why. Also, my acquaintances and people who almost became my friends always knew but they never asked either.

It's because if you look at me it's not surprising at all.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

"**** off"


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

:lol


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## ynoh (Jan 15, 2008)

I normally just say "Nope. Not interested in those kinds of things at the moment. I'm focusing in my personal life atm." Usually they reply with a "why?". Then i go on tell them the story of how tiring and draining a relationship can be and relating the 6 yr. relationship i had.

Recently, told this story to a lady who tried to match me with her cousin (apparently cute), i think she got embarrassed or just turned off haha. Another lady colleague asked, and I went on rambling.  Her poor choice of question and responses made be feel so wierd. I dunno why the hell i talked so much about my past relationship. Lol... i definitely need to fine-tune how and what i say to people in this matter.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

I say I haven't met someone I like yet and it's true. I rarely like people, no one intrigues me. And then of course, there's the fact that I don't get out much, so there's no way I could meet anyone decent, but I can't tell them that haha.


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## ebolarama (Nov 13, 2006)

-


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## refined_rascal (Dec 20, 2005)

I don't have a girlfriend because I'm a coward.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

-


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

My aunt asks, and I try to dodge. I'm truthful and she doesn't understand it at all. I hate when she does that and it's one of the reasons I've been going over less often lately.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

Luckily I'm never asked such an awkward question. There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face.


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## Jennifer1234 (Feb 17, 2008)

I was single until I was 35, so was asked this question more than I care to remember. I can't believe people ask this...totally none of their business. I would usually just answer "I haven't found the right one, yet."


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Jennifer1234 said:


> I was single until I was 35, so was asked this question more than I care to remember. I can't believe people ask this...totally none of their business. I would usually just answer "I haven't found the right one, yet."


If you want to make them uncomfortable, just say the person recently died and look really sad. :evil

Disclaimer: Not sincere advice! :lol


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## morningmud (Jan 17, 2008)

I haven't been single since I was 15! I would love to experience that freedom of not having to answer to anyone. I'm in a relationship that I don't want to be in because my SA prevents me from doing anything about it. I've told him to leave 3 times but he cries and I give him time to find a place. Then he doesn't leave and I never say anything else because I don't want to go through it all over again. One day... :sigh


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I don't have a BF because I'm not gay.

I don't have a GF because I've given up looking.


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## Roped (Feb 24, 2008)

i dont have a GF co's...i dont know really but..one big reason right now is that i've given up and that probably comes from i'm too afraid of not being good enough,and then i probably mirror that onto the other person so she thinks she's not good enough..or whatever..i dont know anymore..and i guess i like too much being on my own...allthough i dont like it...and thats just confusing


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## ericj (Jun 20, 2007)

I got the question again yesterday, sort-of. I just said I was too busy with work.

:sigh


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i've been asked a few times.. makes me pretty uncomfortable and i just mumbled "i don't know". i actually think it's quite rude for someone to ask why, unless you're having a personal discussion of some sort. but for a random coworker or peer to randomly ask that is just plain rude. i think the best response would be "it's none of your [goddamn] business".


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

:ditto 

People don't tend to ask me that, because the people I associate with aren't that rude.

Seriously, you guys, it's about *them*, not what's supposedly wrong with you (nothing, btw).

Perhaps in Australia it's not seen as shocking to be single as it is in America. 

You all have the right to tell them to mind their own business.


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## theturtle (Nov 24, 2005)

No.

I am a 28 year old undergrad. Most of them are 19-22. Too young!


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## Stanley (May 11, 2007)

Nope. I'm too ugly.


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

I was just asked that by a friend yesterday. And this friend kept giving me the "why?, why?" with every answer I could come up with. It was embarrassing. Guess he really wanted to get to the bottom of it? Hey, maybe I should just start answering "because I'm gay, thats why!" (even though I'm not) That would certainly shut them up I bet haha.


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## metabeta (Feb 20, 2008)

I have been asked a couple of times by family and relatives. They probably think I'm a sexual deviant or something, because they don't understand how hard it can be to get a girlfriend when you're really unsecure and have SA.


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## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

I was asked by my cousin once and my answer was "there's no girls I like around here" ..:lol :lol :lol :lol But yeah, he's aware that I never leave the house, I don't think he knows I have SA though. That's all I could come up with.


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## Brax (Jun 15, 2005)

"No."
"Why?"
"*shrug* ..."


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

:afr Well the question of do I have a gf came up. Fortunately the other person that was there with me switched topics thank goodness so we never made it to the next question of "why not?" :sigh of relief, lol. Bad part is I have a feeling I'm going to get asked by a friend I haven't seen in a while this weekend. Maybe I'll chalk it up to people caring about me :lol

I saw someone post they thought about telling someone it was because they were gay that they didn't have a gf. In the past I've wanted to do this but now I know some gay people so I don't want the word to get back to them.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

I've been asked this question in the past. Usually I'll get really offended and say it's cause I'm the ultimate loser or something. That's exactly how I feel. :rain


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

When I was younger I usually ended up saying "I just broke up with mine". If I said no and then got asked "why ?" I would say "what, you think its that easy to pick up do you ?" And if they said "you must be gay ?" I would ask them "so when you were single you were gay were you ?" That would shut them up. But now at my age I just say I'm married unless it someone from my family.


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## russophile1977 (Jan 16, 2006)

When people jokingly ask me why I don't have a husband yet, I usually say that I just haven't found the right person for me yet. Which is true, and it doesn't reveal just how little dating experience I have. It seems to be a good way to dodge the question. Since last fall I've had another good excuse for being single: I knew that I'd be moving to a different city this summer so I could just say that there was no point in getting into a relationship if I'd have to end it a few months down the road.


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## theman (Mar 29, 2008)

how about the truth, OR "I like keeping my options open" OR "why are you asking - jealous?"

Some of the most successful people with dating relationships often don't have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. They keep themselves open to seeing many people at a time.


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## Marc (Feb 19, 2007)

i just say that i don't know because it's true. if they ask me how i don't know, i'd say something to the effect of if i knew how i could know, i would know but i don't so i can't and that's that. i've only really been asked that question online to be honest. it's an unpleasant question and i think people are more reluctant to be rude in person.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

I usually just try and change the subject. If they persist, I laugh and grin. If they persist, I'll attempt to confuse them. I've thought about saying I'm gay, even though I'm not, just for kicks. Sometimes I think that's the answer for which they're looking. Strange people. 

And sometimes I just tell the truth. I'm single because I'm sensitive and I was raised in a dysfunctional family. My parents dislike each other, and my mom never ceases to ***** about my dad to me, even though I tell her not to. I'm also crazy.


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## homebody117 (Mar 31, 2008)

Normally if someone asks me if I have a girlfriend I just pretend to have not heard the question until they ask someone else, usually to someone else. Only happens a few times a year during the holidays. Think they're learning to just leave me alone, finally.


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## bender3008 (Jan 17, 2008)

for me, this is easy to answer actually

"Because I am not interested in girls/women who say they need a man to be "confident" and "outgoing" or "ambitious" and "goal-oriented"
(those last two are total red flags. Anyone that "requires" ambitious and goal-oriented will never be content with anything-they'll never be happy.)

I am interested in a girl/woman who is looking for "quiet, introspective intellectual' who prefers creative fantasy and ideas.

If you go to "personals" anywhere, 80+% of the women will come right out and say they are looking for "confident" and "outgoing". They wan't that more than anything else. By light-years. That's why you will almost never see a sales-type that is single. Or at least not for long.
They're confident, outgoing and good smooth-talkers.

Plus, I am looking for a shy girl that has social-anxiety. I don't wan't
a "confident" and "outgoing" partner. I've had a couple of girlfriends like that. It was no good. They're never happy. They constantly have to be doing "stuff" for nothing more than the sake of doing "stuff". Never content. The type that just can't stop to be grateful for what they have. ever.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

chic_canadian_gurl said:


> Since I'm ugly, people don't need to ask, given it's obvious.


Hey don't say that  :hug


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

I say "I'm enjoying the single life", even though I'm not.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

chic_canadian_gurl said:


> Since I'm ugly, people don't need to ask, given it's obvious.


Yes, same here. No one bothers to ask, because they automatically assume that I don't have a boyfriend and it's blatantly obvious why.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I've never been asked this question. In fact, it seems like an odd question to ask...

Oh wait, my dad sometimes asks, quite tactlessly. He asked me last night! I vaguely told him "because stuff like that doesn't happen to me".


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

My parents have never asked me or even hinted at even the topic of romance and me. That's just another taboo in my family.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

I tell them the honest truth - I'm pathologically shy. That usually does the trick and they stop asking


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## ahmerw007 (Feb 11, 2008)

I just simply say No, not knowing if they are being serious with me or if they are mocking me.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

What's even worse is someone asking "have you _ever_ had a GF?"

I've gotten that one once or twice.


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

I don't have this problem because no one ever asks me. i am surprised people get asked that queston.


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## learning07 (Jan 3, 2008)

I've got asked that and how many ex's I've had by a girl.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

It comes as a great surpise to many people, including many psychotherapists, that a significant amount of many successfully married and attached American men had never asked their partners out on a single date. 

Cupid does not accomplish his goals in places such as clubs, bars, malls, the work place, and other formal meeting grounds such as these like many people are fooled into believeing.

The vast majority of people meet their partners through their extended kinship and peer group networks. Through being introduced to someone through someone they know. And this method results in more budding romances than all formal meeting grounds combined.

Lets face it, if every man had to go up to a strange woman and introduce himself to her the percentage of married and attached men would be significantly less.

In other words, it is NOT merely the anxieties pertinent to social interaction that keeps some social phobics (especially males) from ever obtaining meaningful companionship with the opposite sex.

The fact that they are not well integrated (if at all) members of extended kinship and peer group networks represent a formidable factor in the reason why some of them remain single throughout their lives.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Someone actually asked me if I had a girlfriend the other day. I was happy that they thought I might actually have one. :lol


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## Raplovehate (Jan 15, 2008)

Heh, my mtoher asks me this shiz all the time. I just say something along the lines of "I don't care " or "it doesn't really matter."


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## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

I've been asked this question many times and it makes me very uncomfortable. But in the past I have just said that I am focusing on getting myself through college and don't need to deal with a boyfriend right now. And what's funny is many people usually agree with me and say "You should stay away from those boys right now, anyways; they're bad news." :lol So much for improving my outlook on guys, right? Especially never having had a relationship.

But in reality it hurts when they say that because I'm thinking that I would like to have a boyfriend but my problem is not school, it's me. 

But this brings me to a question I would like to ask, and I might end up making this another discussion topic, but I want to ask the guys this question: 

Guys, if I go out on a date with a guy (and this is not happening any time soon, but I'm just curious) and he wants to know anything about former boyfriends and I have nothing to tell him, what do guys usually think about this? I mean, how might a guy react if I tell him I've never been in a realation ship and I'm in my 20s? I would really like to know.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

I think it's rude when people ask me if I have a boyfriend. I hate saying no, especially when they're in a relationship and they act like you're weird because you're not. If the person asking me is single, then I'm ok with it, because we can joke about it.


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## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

ugh, this is one of the questions that makes me pull the "deer in headlights" look, along with "do you work?/ what kind of job do you do?"

and even worse is if they ask me "have you ever been in a relationship before?" which for me would be a "no" & then, I just want to run away before they ask me more embarrassing questions.



> Guys, if I go out on a date with a guy (and this is not happening any time soon, but I'm just curious) and he wants to know anything about former boyfriends and I have nothing to tell him, what do guys usually think about this? I mean, how might a guy react if I tell him I've never been in a realation ship and I'm in my 20s? I would really like to know.


Im not a guy but from what Ive read, if youre young (late teens/ early 20's)they might actually prefer this. But after a certain age(late 20's/30's) it may just seem weird. :\


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

venusfruit said:


> I think it's rude when people ask me if I have a boyfriend. I hate saying no, especially when they're in a relationship and they act like you're weird because you're not. If the person asking me is single, then I'm ok with it, because we can joke about it.


I definately understand that! It's like they think less of you because you don't have something that they have which is someone that loves them and wants to be with them. Ugh.


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## yardsale (Mar 13, 2007)

no - i just dont.

if that fails i sit them down and turn on a projector- its the story of my life.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

Really nice avatar yardsale


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

I reply differently to different people. A few weeks ago I was asked this by a friend (a distant relative), and I just looked so unwelcoming that he immediately changed the subject and I'm sure he will never ask again. 

People are so intimidated by how I look. I assume I look angry and aloof because of my depression, and even agrier when somebody irritates me :lol


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## yardsale (Mar 13, 2007)

venusfruit said:


> Really nice avatar yardsale


thank you! i just googled bird :>


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

Fortunately I've not had to answer that question, I guess it was obvious just from looking at me.


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## spinal97 (May 11, 2008)

No because I always move way too fast with the girls which scares them away. I try to take it slowly but I can't help it. I just have no more patience anymore. Most of my classmates are already married and I haven't even had a first kiss yet or even a date. I think another fact is that I look a lot older than I am. I'm only 24 and I've had guesses from 35 to 50. Not that I'm ugly, I just look and act older. So unless the girl is into older men, she will just ignore me. I've actually been hit on by women twice my age, which is really awkward. I want a girlfriend so badly.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

spinal97 said:


> No because I always move way too fast with the girls which scares them away. I try to take it slowly but I can't help it. I just have no more patience anymore. Most of my classmates are already married and I haven't even had a first kiss yet or even a date.


LOL! I totally understand. The lack of sex life that a lot of us suffer through due to our problems with SA is very frustruating. I tend to scare guys away, because after a couple of drinks, I act like a cat in heat, and they don't like it because they stereotyped me as being conservative and reserved. I hate being judged.


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## spinal97 (May 11, 2008)

Yeah, it has gotten pretty frustrating. What I wouldn't give for some romance with a girl in my life.


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## HoboQueen (Jan 25, 2008)

spinal97 said:


> No because I always move way too fast with the girls which scares them away. I try to take it slowly but I can't help it. I just have no more patience anymore. Most of my classmates are already married and I haven't even had a first kiss yet or even a date.


If it's any consolation, most of them will probably be divorced within a few years anyway.


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## spinal97 (May 11, 2008)

HoboQueen said:


> spinal97 said:
> 
> 
> > No because I always move way too fast with the girls which scares them away. I try to take it slowly but I can't help it. I just have no more patience anymore. Most of my classmates are already married and I haven't even had a first kiss yet or even a date.
> ...


Yeah, someone told me that people marrying who they dated in highschool rarely last long together. A lot of them did marry I each other so I heard.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

The day before my 30th birthday, my sister asked if I was even interested in a relationship/marriage. 

My answer was that first I'd actually have to get a life going in the first place.
...maybe when I'm 60 I'll finally have gotten my act together.


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## Argamemnon (May 3, 2008)

RubyTuesday said:


> The day before my 30th birthday, my sister asked if I was even interested in a relationship/marriage.
> 
> My answer was that first I'd actually have to get a life going in the first place.
> ...maybe when I'm 60 I'll finally have gotten my act together.


I totally agree with you... I have to love myself first, discover who I am, "getting a life" etc. before even contemplating a relationship.


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

No, because I'm awkward in person if I'm nervous. I really don't like the way I look, so I always feel like there's no point.

There have been potential boyfriends, but I never did anything about it.


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