# Guys don't really care about looks and they won't just hook up with anyone



## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

I wonder where on earth the perception comes from that all guys are concerned with is physical appearances and they'll be quick to hook up with anyone who's remotely attractive. I've only ever met one guy in my whole life who was like this, while virtually every other guy I've seen is completely the opposite way. I don't care what anyone else says, guys care just as much about social skills/personality as girls, and a good looking girl who's socially inept (although I've never seen any apart from myself and the ones on sas) doesn't stand a chance of getting a meaningful relationship. I admit that if I lowered my standards enough, it would probably be plausible to get someone, but I know it will always be completely hopeless for me because I'm not attracted to 99% of the population and the remaining 1% is never interested in me. Oh well, I guess that's my problem, but I really wish society hasn't made me feel like any attractive female who isn't in a relationship doesn't exist outside of SAS.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I have to disagree with this... from everything I have seen in real life, and read about or heard about, guys absolutely will hook up with any attractive girl, regardless of personality... as a matter of fact, even average girls are in HUGE demand... and there are jocks in high school or college that will hook up with WAYYY below-average girls... not for relationsips, just random sex... they are going for numbers...

In terms of long-term relationships, that is kinda another story... you want to be able to communicate with someone...

For guys, looks are so high on the list nothing else even comes close... look at all these nerdy/ugly/creepy looking celebrities/rock stars marrying supermodels or gorgeous girls... every athlete I have seen is with a gorgeous girl that they may marry and still usually cheat on with other hot girls.

So most guys are absolutely shallow... yes personality, interests, etc. count but not nearly as much as looks...

The difference between guys and girls in my opinion is guys want to "hook up" with hot girls, where girls generally want to meet and get to know a hot guy with the POTENTIAL of hooking up (usually wanting something more long-term), if he in essence doesn't at any point say or do anything too idiotic rude or offensive... 

The bottom line is attractive women in any walk of life get the red carpet rolled out for them... are offered drinks, vacations in exotic locations, shopping sprees, or even actual offers for sex... creepy but that is the reality...

Same for a good-looking guy... but that guy will generally have to work harder to "close the deal" regardless of whether she is attracted to him or not. The guy may have to wait weeks or months and spend a lot of money and time getting to know her... for a woman, what guy is going to "hold out?" until he "feels ready?" almost unheard of!

Agree that I am also not attracted to 99% of the population just about 1%.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> I have to disagree with this... from everything I have seen in real life, and read about or heard about, guys absolutely will hook up with any attractive girl, regardless of personality... as a matter of fact, even average girls are in HUGE demand... and there are jocks in high school or college that will hook up with WAYYY below-average girls... not for relationsips, just random sex... they are going for numbers...
> 
> In terms of long-term relationships, that is kinda another story... you want to be able to communicate with someone...
> 
> ...


It must be different where you live then, cause guys around here are nothing like what you described. I am an attractive female who has never had experience with anyone period, so I know for fact that everything you've said is not true. The gorgeous girls that you speak of who have no trouble getting anyone have social skills 100% of the time. Guaranteed.


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## Gas Raid (Feb 19, 2014)

It all depends, everyone's different. You can't really generalize with either gender.


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## JakeBoston1000 (Apr 8, 2008)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> It must be different where you live then, cause guys around here are nothing like what you described. I am an attractive female who has never had experience with anyone period, so I know for fact that everything you've said is not true. The gorgeous girls that you speak of who have no trouble getting anyone have social skills 100% of the time. Guaranteed.


Your status says your on the wrong planet. Are you positive that you def. do reside in a country on THIS planet? Seems very unusual that you can't find a guy willing to go out with you.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Sorry but yeah, guys will hook up with a girl if given the chance. If I'm single, I have no problem doing that as long as she is clean and I can trust her. I would sleep with a friend though, not some random girl I don't know.


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## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

Not me.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

JakeBoston1000 said:


> Your status says your on the wrong planet. Are you positive that you def. do reside in a country on THIS planet? Seems very unusual that you can't find a guy willing to go out with you.


Well, it's not completely true. I could have gotten a relationship with a guy who I felt less than zero attraction towards, but that doesn't really mean anything, does it?


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## MrKappa (Mar 18, 2013)

Lady I just don't care anymore. I don't think there is anything a woman can offer me that's of interest anymore.

It's been a long time since I shut off the empathy switch, but yeah, now animals are repulsive and annoying to me. I tried it everyone else's way, but apparently it's a crime.

So, screw it all... I simply do not care.

Think I'm going to invest in a bow and arrow and go hunting squirrels when the weather gets nicer. Only so there is something entertaining to do.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> Well, it's not completely true. I could have gotten a relationship with a guy who I felt less than zero attraction towards, but that doesn't really mean anything, does it?


Can you post a picture of yourself? I am not doubting that you are good-looking... but you can tell a lot from a pic, more in person, but still... you also may be good-looking but don't appear sexual or stand-offish...

Also I think if you want to attract a guy, being flirty or acting s****y, (no offense) at least in the beginning, will attract more guys than developing an outgoing personality... even if your eventual goal is a quality guy or relation, you need to build initial attraction, clothes matters...

The other problem is no matter how good looking someone is, if they don't go out to places where people are, and sits in their apartment, that also can make it tougher...

Most super-attractive women that I see have men almost stopping them on the street to flirt with them... they may not be all quality guys, but there seem to be more opportunities.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Guys don't all go after just the super hot girls. Just the players do that.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Guys don't all go after just the super hot girls. Just the players do that.


Exactly...and players are a lot more rare nowadays than people realize.

@ConquerFear: I disagree. I tried coming on to a guy I had a crush on in exactly that way, and he actually asked me to give him some 'space' as a result. Needless to say, I was pretty mortified and would never try that again as a result. :roll

I would say that I probably look better in person than in photos given that I hardly ever receive 'validation' online as compared to IRL. But here's my picture anyway, for what it's worth.


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## Morumot (Sep 21, 2011)

You look nice, also your avatar is very nice


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

You are very attractive.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

I've always felt girls & guys cared relatively equally about looks, but simply for different reasons . If I say what those reasons are, I'll probably get **** for gender wars or something although neither reason really casts either gender in a particularly positive spotlight.

But in terms of attracting girls, it can be supplanted with other reasons, which simply hearkens back to my original feeling of what girls are actually attracted to.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> You are very attractive.


Too bad I don't care about that and it doesn't help me in the slightest...it has never, ever helped beyond establishing initial impressions.


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

It is somewhat true in a way. Even if a woman is good-looking, if she's socially awkward players won't bother her. I've been complimented as being good looking by many guys but a player has never once asked me out or taken interest in me beyond a compliment. I'm not 'easy' to 'get' sex out of so they don't bother with me. Players just want sex with a average-looking or higher girl, they don't care about long-term relationships to begin with. This the same deal I've with player girls. They go for any guy who's decent-looking and easy.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> Exactly...and players are a lot more rare nowadays than people realize.
> 
> @ConquerFear: I disagree. I tried coming on to a guy I had a crush on in exactly that way, and he actually asked me to give him some 'space' as a result. Needless to say, I was pretty mortified and would never try that again as a result. :roll
> 
> I would say that I probably look better in person than in photos given that I hardly ever receive 'validation' online as compared to IRL. But here's my picture anyway, for what it's worth.


Trisquel? :con


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

arnie said:


> Trisquel? :con


Yeah, that's me. I changed my name a while ago, in case you hadn't noticed.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Yea you are definately very attractive... you mentioned in your original post the word "completely hopeless" and while you look mysterious and sexual and attractive, that hopelessness or desperation comes through in the picture as well...

Trust me, I have felt hopeless and pathetic and horribly about myself for most of my life... partially because I was bullied, but I honestly never really liked myself anyway... I am just recently started in recent years to work on literally not hating myself.

I don't think the problem is your lack of social skills or personality, but probably more negative thinking patterns... you then will project negativity which can turn people off...

I still find it hard to believe, especially after seeing your pic, that you can't find a guy... maybe not the perfect guy, but I would at least lower your standards and get some practice even with a semi-loser/creep which will help your confidence...

Date an ugly/fat guy, they would worship you haha or at least an AVERAGE guy, anything... just go to a freaking bar, even if you meet a guy in a bookstore or Starbucks, that is just as sleazy meeting someone as a bar in a way, just look anywhere...


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I agree the generalisation that guys will just hook up with anyone remotely attractive is false.

Believe it or not, we do have feelings and are not just mindless sex-machines.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> I still find it hard to believe, especially after seeing your pic, that you can't find a guy... maybe not the perfect guy, but I would at least lower your standards and get some practice even with a semi-loser/creep which will help your confidence...
> 
> Date an ugly/fat guy, they would worship you haha or at least an AVERAGE guy, anything... just go to a freaking bar, even if you meet a guy in a bookstore or Starbucks, that is just as sleazy meeting someone as a bar in a way, just look anywhere...


Yeah...the guy I tried coming on to before was vaguely like what you described - not conventionally attractive at all, and someone I initially thought I would only hook up with while drunk. He also admitted to being somewhat of a loner and an introvert as well, and even complained to me about not having a gf or someone to have sex with...maybe it had to do with the fact that he was a crackhead, but anyway, I don't think it's as simple as you put it as that example illustrates.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Yea well being very attractive can also be incredibly intimidating to guys... they assume you are taken or are scared off by good looks...

In my case, I dated a girl who was extremely unattractive out of desperation about a year ago for like 5 months... I could barely perform with her due to being turned off to her physically and it was not really a sexual relationship...we had very few sexual encounters.... I was even pretty embarrassed to be seen with her in public even though I am not God's gift....but at the same time, I learned a lot about how to talk to a woman, I wasn't alone and liked having conversations with her, and I built confidence... 

Anyway, I then met another woman who was very attractive pretty soon after, and I am completely convinced that if I did not date the first girl in which I felt no physical attraction to and learned what to say or not say, etc. I would not have been as confident talking to the next girl I met...

My point is, you have to start somewhere....things go in cycles, if you are alone, you tend to want to be alone more and get more comfortable with it... then breaking out of the cycle becomes harder...

I would first work on your self-esteem and also hang around guys and get used to being around them and comfortable... because if you are not used to being around them, you will not be as relaxed or confident...

You are definately hot, I would more concentrate on flirting, dressing sexy, and being cute... don't worry about what to say/your personality... there is nothing wrong with it most likely... 

I would just hit a bar or club... even alone, it doesn't matter... you would look more approachable alone, guys will come up to you... if you get a decent vibe ask for his number, if he doesn't seem like a total creep.


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

There are 3 types of guys when it comes to hookups. Those who go for looks, those who go for a vagina regardless of its owner, and those who lie.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Mr Bacon said:


> There are 3 types of guys when it comes to hookups. Those who go for looks, those who go for a vagina regardless of its owner, and those who lie.


So you think any guy who says they wouldn't sleep with a girl who didn't mean anything to them must be lying?


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> So you think any guy who says they wouldn't sleep with a girl who didn't mean anything to them must be lying?


I'm talking about tendencies. Averages. You'll always find people who don't 'fit the mold.' So, to answer, your question: no, they're not necessarily lying.

"According to the study from _Archives of Sexual Behavior_, *men regret not having sex with more people* while women regret the people they did have sex with. The surveys - which included more than 24,500 heterosexual, bisexual, and gay individuals - found the three most common sexual regrets for women were losing virginity to the wrong partner (24 percent), cheating on a present or past partner (23 percent), and moving too fast sexually (20 percent). For men, these were being too shy to make a move (27 percent) and not being more sexually adventurous in younger years (23 percent) or single days (19 percent). Women were also more likely to regret "having sex with a physically unattractive partner." The researchers suggest this is an evolved function so that women wouldn't reproduce with the wrong kinds of men."


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## ThisGirl15 (Mar 1, 2014)

I wonder if people feel that way because of social conditioning or something else?

In my opinion men seem to be look down upon by others if they're a virgin more than women.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

Mr Bacon said:


> So, to answer, your question: no, they're not necessarily lying.
> 
> "


Yea i dont fall into of those 3


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I tend to agree with "Conquer Fear".

I think a lot of relevant points were made on another thread. If a guy wants just a bit of fun, he probably wont care what she looks like. For something long term though attraction does count.

I know for me personally, attraction does count. I'm very realistic in the way I know full well I will never exactly pull the next supermodel but equally i'm probably above average. 

I could only be with someone I find attractive as the times when I have given the benefit of the doubt to someone and gone by looks rather than personality, I have become really bored and even avoided being close with them


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

CEB32 said:


> Yea i dont fall into of those 3


Me either


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## DeniseAfterAll (Jul 28, 2012)

If your intention is to grab a guy's attention without making much of an effort , you need the right tools for the job . The vast majority of girls will probably not be able to achieve that without make-up , high heels .. .. or at least a loud , bubbly .. out-going .. cheerful personality , like you said .

If a girl isn't wearing any make-up , she won't be able to compete with the rest of the girls who Are wearing makeup , who may or may not be naturally attractive . 80% of girls do , on a daily basis .

I'm glad you feel confident without make-up though . You're cute , I won't disagree . You have really good skin .

But like I said .. most young girls wear makeup and are all done up . If you're good at drawing , you'll be good at make-up . And if you use it , you'll get what you want .


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> I admit that if I lowered my standards enough, it would probably be plausible to get someone


You don't have to lower your standards. You just have to find what it is about another human being that brings you genuine happiness.

A lot of people don't realize that they use others as a means of boosting their ego. If a supermodel wants me that must mean that I am great. I can show her off to my friends.

Others chase after heightened sexual pleasure. When you first meet someone pleasure is at it's highest, then it declines.

Genuine sustainable happiness comes from a deeper connection with another human being. That should be your standard.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I agree the generalisation that guys will just hook up with anyone remotely attractive is false.
> 
> Believe it or not, we do have feelings and are not just mindless sex-machines.


This is just like saying that women don't have a hive-mind and all want, feel and think the same things; totally true, but appearantly no one (wants to) believe(s) it.


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## Mlochail (Jul 11, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


>


For what's it worth I can tell you your looks are not the problem.

Carry on.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Mlochail said:


> For what's it worth I can tell you your looks are not the problem.
> 
> Carry on.


I never said that I thought they were. Someone else asked for proof, that's all.


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## ineverwipe (Jun 16, 2013)

Some guys are, some aren't. Everyone's different. I'll admit, I've turned down a girl before because I didn't find her attractive. Then after getting to know her I ended up in love with her.

Same goes the other way. I've been turned down but she was interested after getting to know me.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> So you think any guy who says they wouldn't sleep with a girl who didn't mean anything to them must be lying?


Yea. Guys don't don't even care about looks for a one night stand.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

nubly said:


> Yea. Guys don't don't even care about looks for a one night stand.


Oh well, in my experience this isn't true at all.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Guys definitely care about personality as well. Even for hookups you need to have at least the minimal level of socializing ability in order to attract someone, unless the guy is drunk or high as hell or at a club where looks are literally all that matters (because you can't hear or even see clearly for ****). Again, how many times do we need to stress that only the super rare alpha as **** player types will sleep with or hit on anything that moves?


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

Mr Bacon said:


> I'm talking about tendencies. Averages. You'll always find people who don't 'fit the mold.' So, to answer, your question: no, they're not necessarily lying.
> 
> "According to the study from _Archives of Sexual Behavior_, *men regret not having sex with more people* while women regret the people they did have sex with. The surveys - which included more than 24,500 heterosexual, bisexual, and gay individuals - found the three most common sexual regrets for women were losing virginity to the wrong partner (24 percent), cheating on a present or past partner (23 percent), and moving too fast sexually (20 percent). For men, these were being too shy to make a move (27 percent) and not being more sexually adventurous in younger years (23 percent) or single days (19 percent). Women were also more likely to regret "having sex with a physically unattractive partner." The researchers suggest this is an evolved function so that women wouldn't reproduce with the wrong kinds of men."


Interesting....


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Again, I doubt that personality and holding a conversation is the problem... I could never go to a party and comfortably talk to large groups... I have rarely even been invited to parties but that is another story....

You need to look and act sexy and flirty to get guys attention... you have the look but if you don't exude sexuality to spark guys interest, it really won't matter how good-looking you are...

Certain celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Anniston, and even Kim Kardashian for example, to me i am convinced are simply not sexual... I saw Kim's sex tape online (a few minutes, I didn't pay for it, don't ask) and she is simply not sexual... as good-looking as those women are, I would not generally be interested in them in real life because they don't exude sex and simply would not be good in bed, no offense.


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## CEB32 (Mar 6, 2014)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> Oh well, in my experience this isn't true at all.


Because its not true lol. There will be some guys who dont care, i would assume the poster of that comment is one of them.

Your photo shows you would not have to sink to that depth though


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm not sure who is easier with love, men or women. You have materialistic women who look for a rich (old) partner probably more than men, you have girls who only want to screw and guys just as much, groupies are mostly women I believe, you have the intelligent serious types who want more than sex and also a mental relationship, I believe at a certain adult age women and men both are equal when it comes to wanting a partner. But at a young age you are probably right that guys are more hornier and easier to sleep with any girl because they just want to get that instant satisfaction and brag to their friends about having sex. Girls always are more careful with screwing around since accidents can happen and since they are reserving their eggs for a special person. I also believe it has to do with the way they grow up and what their parents teach them


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> Again, I doubt that personality and holding a conversation is the problem... I could never go to a party and comfortably talk to large groups... I have rarely even been invited to parties but that is another story....
> 
> You need to look and act sexy and flirty to get guys attention... you have the look but if you don't exude sexuality to spark guys interest, it really won't matter how good-looking you are...
> 
> Certain celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Anniston, and even Kim Kardashian for example, to me i am convinced are simply not sexual... I saw Kim's sex tape online (a few minutes, I didn't pay for it, don't ask) and she is simply not sexual... as good-looking as those women are, I would not generally be interested in them in real life because they don't exude sex and simply would not be good in bed, no offense.


Honestly, I think acting like a **** is generally seen as a turnoff because men are supposed to pursue by instinct...


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

I have to agree with the OP here.

From listening to my male friends (who don't have SA) describe their dating lives it definitely seems like they care most about qualities which might not seem that obvious, such as intelligence and career ambitions. I've even had someone who is quite experienced with women describe to me how he doesn't think his girlfriend is very good looking, but that he's learned that looks don't matter that much and that when is was younger he was naive for going for the best looking girl in the room. I've also observed guys in school turn down offers to hook up initiated by girls.

Outside of the realm of SA sufferers, most guys don't seem to have too much trouble dating.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

absreim said:


> I have to agree with the OP here.
> 
> From listening to my male friends (who don't have SA) describe their dating lives it definitely seems like they care most about qualities which might not seem that obvious, such as intelligence and career ambitions.


Intelligence isn't really important for most. Just like for establishing friendships, being social/pleasant/outgoing is key for most people when it comes to relationships.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> Intelligence isn't really important for most. Just like for establishing friendships, being social/pleasant/outgoing is key for most people.


That is true. I just happen to have a social circle that isn't all that representative of the population. Most of my friends are Ivy League (or the like, such as MIT) graduates.


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## MoonlitMadness (Mar 11, 2013)

Conquer Fear said:


> Again, I doubt that personality and holding a conversation is the problem... I could never go to a party and comfortably talk to large groups... I have rarely even been invited to parties but that is another story....
> 
> You need to look and act sexy and flirty to get guys attention... you have the look but if you don't exude sexuality to spark guys interest, it really won't matter how good-looking you are...
> 
> Certain celebrities like Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Anniston, and even Kim Kardashian for example, to me i am convinced are simply not sexual... I saw Kim's sex tape online (a few minutes, I didn't pay for it, don't ask) and she is simply not sexual... as good-looking as those women are, I would not generally be interested in them in real life because they don't exude sex and simply would not be good in bed, no offense.


So women have to exude sexiness in order for you to be interested? Can you give a personal example?


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## Mr Bacon (Mar 10, 2012)

MoonlitMadness said:


> So women have to exude sexiness in order for you to be interested? Can you give a personal example?


I believe he meant that when women give out signs that they are interested, by being flirty, it makes them more arousing in the eyes of males. I've seen a couple Kim Kardashian interviews, and she seems to act rather distant/cold in them. The "_I'm way too good for you to have sex with me_" vibe. For many folks, that's a boner killer - though some persistent guys will still push through it.

By comparison, a girl who keeps smiling, laughs at your dumb jokes, maintains eye contact, touches you lightly during conversation... that's the kind which gets you in the mood to have sex.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

I think it varies a lot with environment.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

MoonlitMadness said:


> So women have to exude sexiness in order for you to be interested? Can you give a personal example?


No I just meant initially, to catch a guy's interest... later on, I am sure most people want something more serious or substantial... but the bottom line is, if a woman shows up on a date wearing a sweatshirt and old sneakers, as opposed to a skirt and high heels, she will spark more interest regardless of what she has to say or how the conversation goes...

Beyonce is another celebrity who simply looks asexual... there are tons of women like this... she can wear the sexiest outfits imagineable on stage, but I have seen her at games in person a bunch of times with Jay-Z, she DOES NOT EXUDE SEX...

This is what I mean about flirting... if a woman doesn't flirt well enough or give the right signals, it could turn guys off, regardless of how great her personality is, what you have in common, or her looks.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> No I just meant initially, to catch a guy's interest... later on, I am sure most people want something more serious or substantial... but the bottom line is, if a woman shows up on a date wearing a sweatshirt and old sneakers, as opposed to a skirt and high heels, she will spark more interest regardless of what she has to say or how the conversation goes...
> 
> Beyonce is another celebrity who simply looks asexual... there are tons of women like this... she can wear the sexiest outfits imagineable on stage, but I have seen her at games in person a bunch of times with Jay-Z, she DOES NOT EXUDE SEX...
> 
> This is what I mean about flirting... if a woman doesn't flirt well enough or give the right signals, it could turn guys off, regardless of how great her personality is, what you have in common, or her looks.


Okay, so who do you think is an example of someone that 'exudes' sex?


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## Mersault (Dec 18, 2012)

I don't think it is much different than for girls. I care to a degree about looks, but i also care a lot about being compatible personality-wise with the girl. I mean that i want to be able to have fun discussions with her. By now i don't really focus on sexuality much, although i always like beauty in the body as well as in the mentality 

Beauty is always positive.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Earl of Lemongrab said:


> Okay, so who do you think is an example of someone that 'exudes' sex?


Marylin Monroe exudes sex (back in the day), Madonna also did (not anymore she is not skinny muscular and bizarre looking) Rihanna to me does too, as far as celebrities, I can't really think of any others...

I actually find Mariah Carey, Kim Kardashian and J Lo wayyy better looking than most other celebrities, but they all seem asexual to me.

But there are women all over that exude sex you would see around...

With men, I don't think having that quality is as important...


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I think guys care about looks, its just that thats not the only thing that matters. 

So while if you are attractive physically (like you) thats a good thing, a guy won't date you if you have nothing else to offer. If you're not friendly or caring or giving them attention. Or at least most won't. While I think guys are not AS needy and about 'getting attention' as we women are. Someone who acknowledges and pays attention to them back yes, thats important. 

You may be rejecting guys before they even approach you based on your body language. No one likes to be rejected and if you put off a vibe that you are not going to be interested it might dissuade most, if not all guys from pursuing you despite the fact that they might really wish you were interested. Most people men AND women don't like being rejected so if you suspect someone isn't interested you are probably not going to approach.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

awkwardsilent said:


> I think guys care about looks, its just that thats not the only thing that matters.
> 
> So while if you are attractive physically (like you) thats a good thing, a guy won't date you if you have nothing else to offer. If you're not friendly or caring or giving them attention. Or at least most won't. While I think guys are not AS needy and about 'getting attention' as we women are. Someone who acknowledges and pays attention to them back yes, thats important.
> 
> You may be rejecting guys before they even approach you based on your body language. No one likes to be rejected and if you put off a vibe that you are not going to be interested it might dissuade most, if not all guys from pursuing you despite the fact that they might really wish you were interested. Most people men AND women don't like being rejected so if you suspect someone isn't interested you are probably not going to approach.


I must admit I'm not the nicest or most empathic person, (although I attribute that to being influenced by mostly horrible people throughout life) but I am definitely not rude or cold towards people without reason. I still maintain that the kinds of guys who are willing to sleep with almost anyone are in the extreme minority. It's because they're at the extreme ends of the population - on the one hand, you have the extremely undesirable types who are willing to do so out of desperation, while on the other hand, there's the extremely desirable types with an extremely high sex drive who aren't afraid to be forward with anyone who happens to be available. It happens that most people fall into the 'in between' category, and therefore have some semblance of standards or are just too passive to be able to put the effort required in pursuing tons of women.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

I am also terrible with giving off bad vibes... I recommend internet dating... although hard to tell who you are dealing with until you meet them, and even on OKCupid, very hard to tell much even from extensive profiles... you have to kind of look for clues they are nuts... which is why I get so few responses, I assume I answer one question wrong and they are outta there...

I still think with a hot chick, guys will forgive almost any behavior, especially in the beginning... my problem is people are such idiots that they all hate me without knowing me... I look walk and act odd and I am gawky/geeky... and tall, say bizarre things... ironically if I could relax and be myself I wouldn't say such dumb things, I am just never myself, whoever the hell that is anymore.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> I still think with a hot chick, guys will forgive almost any behavior, especially in the beginning... my problem is people are such idiots that they all hate me without knowing me... I look walk and act odd and I am gawky/geeky... and tall, say bizarre things... ironically if I could relax and be myself I wouldn't say such dumb things, I am just never myself, whoever the hell that is anymore.


I hear you. On the rare occasions when I've been able to relax and be more like 'myself,' (whatever that means) people actually like me and guys seem more interested; however, it seems that the moment when I express any kind of negative thoughts or feelings or show vulnerability is when they lose interest. I can't stand that, because I know I really am the person that they initially showed interest in and the fact that I can't keep up that persona isn't really within my control.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Yea well something about this society promotes "positivity" where you can't show any kind of negativity... total bullsh*t which is why the book "Catcher in the Rye" is like my bible, I only read it a few times but the overall theme is just exposing people's phonyness...

Life is a balance of good and bad, so why should I not be able to ***** and moan as much as I talk about great/fun aspects of life... most people are idiots and will go OUT OF THEIR WAY to talk about how "nice the weather is" or how "they like that house" or "do you like these flowers" and most people have like zero substance behind them. I may be braindead from years or drinking/smoking/weed/medication but in actuality they are more zombie-like than I ever am... 

It is like same person/different shell...

My point is, I actually don't consider myself that negative, but wayyy more negative than the average person...

You have to COMPLETELY ADAPT, if you are going to be negative, you have to control yourself to an extreme level... people especially in the U.S. in this culture are idiots, we watch reality TV... a million sports channels, texting, twitter, myspace, facebook, yoga... the whole generation is nuts...

I would much rather ***** to someone about how my family annoys me, but most people would rather hear one-liners... dirty jokes, etc.

You have to change... after a while, you can become more negative, but you can't show signs of that for a while...


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Well, if you're not attracted to 99% of the guys, then it's going to be pretty tough to say the least.


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## saline (Feb 16, 2011)

I'd also have to disagree with the OP (and agree with the first response they were given)

I know loads and loads of guys who, given half a chance, would sleep with any girl of average looks. Personality really wouldn't come into the equation.
If she's particularly hot, she could be a deaf mute.

Even One of my best friends from years ago who looks like a male model and would sleep with different hot girls each weekend, sometimes resorted to sleeping with what might be called 'unattractive' girls if it was getting late and he couldn't be bothered to put the effort in into chatting up a hot girl.

But if you are talking about an actual 'relationship' then I guess you're correct in that, of course, social skills etc do matter.


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## absreim (Jun 19, 2012)

Conquer Fear said:


> Yea well something about this society promotes "positivity" where you can't show any kind of negativity... total bullsh*t which is why the book "Catcher in the Rye" is like my bible, I only read it a few times but the overall theme is just exposing people's phonyness...
> 
> Life is a balance of good and bad, so why should I not be able to ***** and moan as much as I talk about great/fun aspects of life... most people are idiots and will go OUT OF THEIR WAY to talk about how "nice the weather is" or how "they like that house" or "do you like these flowers" and most people have like zero substance behind them. I may be braindead from years or drinking/smoking/weed/medication but in actuality they are more zombie-like than I ever am...
> 
> ...


I used to think much of the same way. However, now I realize that people are often far less shallow than they may appear on the surface. Pointless small talk like talking about the weather is more of a protocol of how people are expected to act rather than what they are actually thinking inside their minds.

Also, a lot of things in popular culture are less shallow than they appear. Not all TV shows are bad. Breaking Bad for example, has a vast amount of intellectual depth in the plot. I don't see anything wrong with Yoga either.

I think once you overcome your SA and are more sociable your opinion will change as well. When people are socially isolated (like I was in the depths of my SA), it is easy to think of people in abstract terms like statistics and miss a lot of other aspects that can only be gleaned by face-to-face interaction.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Well I agree that some people can be less shallow after you know them for a while, I find that most of the friends I have had have never really been that deep or intellectual and preferred instead to go for "quick one-liners" or "amusing anecdotes" instead of serious discussions... Even after years knowing someone, they seem to have not evolved, regardless of work success or career/family.... I just simply find people overall not to be genuine....Part of it in this culture is everyone is so uptight that everyone is afraid to offend... politics are usually a taboo, sex is even a taboo, although if you don't have a girlfriend you are basically a loser in their eyes...

True that in isolation, you overblow or imagine many things, I am also guilty of idiotic addictions, sports addictions, (watching/going to games) reality TV (pointless for the most part and usually a waste of time) facebook/twitter/myspace is generally pointless... Yoga/meditation... I mean if you feel more peaceful and relaxed doing this than all the power to you, I simply cannot do these things and I have tried...This culture in general is just more isolating/fearful of face-to-face interaction, self-absorbed, and basically no one is going out anymore, because they have everything they need at home. If you date someone, you don't meet through friends anymore, you meet on OKCupid or Match.com... instead of talking to people in cafes, people are typing on laptops... just strange culture.


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