# University, no friends?



## LydiaC

So I started university this year and literally made no friends. I made a few acquaintances, about 4, but we were only fb friends and they had they're own little cliques. First semester was depressing as hell, being by myself, eating by myself, being the only one in tutorials who was sitting by myself where everyone else has formed their own groups. I guess I was always shy and I tried so hard to meet people but nothing ever really happened. It got to the point where I was crying all the time and couldn't will myself to get out of bed in the morning. I still had my high school friends, but most of them all went off to other unis and made uni friends there. It was not only depressing but embarrassing when i did meet with my high school friends who always asked why i didn't bring my uni friends along. Sigh. 

Anyway, cause another uni has a degree I want I'm transferring there semester 2 and hope to make friends but I have this awful feeling that it's just going to be like semester 1. I went to a pre-orientation workshop thing with hopes of meeting new people, but I dunno if it's just me being too shy or too introverted or i just don't look like a likeable person but people really didn't seem to like me. My sister says it's in my head but for example, when I made conversation with someone she strained a forced smile then went back to talking to someone else and walked off with them as if I never said anything to her. This happened with a few other people as well. Is something wrong with me? 

This has left me pretty depressed. Fortunately I'm on holidays cause getting out of bed has become a real struggle for me, as does doing menial tasks I used to be able to do. I spend a lot of time lying in bed trying to will myself to get up then just start crying. I can't let my parents know cause all they ask for is my happiness, they don't ask for much but this is really getting me down. Every time I think of uni starting in a few weeks I get extreme anxiety thinking about going through a repeat of last semester cause I don't think I can do it, it's just too hard. 

Has anyone been through this? Do you have any advice? The literal lack of motivation to do anything will really affect my studies and I can't stand this social anxiety I have and just not having one friend i can confide in or talk to or hang out with. I'm 18 and people constantly go on about to me how this must be the time of my life, and I just fake a smile and say yes it is. I'm so tired of pretending. Has anyone got any advice?


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## prettyful

i went through this my last 2 years of college. it was hard but you will get through it. i would suggest joining some clubs


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## LydiaC

prettyful said:


> i went through this my last 2 years of college. it was hard but you will get through it. i would suggest joining some clubs


How did you get through it though? did you just distract yourself or something? I honestly don't think I'm able to go through another semester let alone 4 years of it and the thought gives me nervous and fearful heart palpitations every time. Did you spend most of your time with your family or something?


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## ImmortalOne

In my experience, I didn’t start making friends until around my 3rd and 4th semesters. Like with you, it just started out with a few acquaintances in my 1st semester, and continued into my 2nd. Don’t give up on yourself so quickly, you’ve only just begun your university experience. & you said you are transferring to a different campus for this upcoming semester, so think of it as a fresh start for yourself. Maybe because you will be pursuing the degree you want, it will be easier for you to interact with other people in your classes.


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## prettyful

LydiaC said:


> How did you get through it though? did you just distract yourself or something? I honestly don't think I'm able to go through another semester let alone 4 years of it and the thought gives me nervous and fearful heart palpitations every time. Did you spend most of your time with your family or something?


Well the first 2 years, I had some good friends but due to circumstances, they all left so I was alone my junior and senior years. I focused a lot on my schoolwork. I would suggest going into college with a positive attitude that you will make friends and joining some clubs could help.


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## Rainbat

I've been in college for about 3.5 years now and haven't met anyone, so I know where you're coming from.

It's mostly because I just don't care enough to try. And other people certainly aren't going to come to me.


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## LydiaC

Thanks guys for the responses. Orientation's next week so I'll do my best, I plan on joining a few clubs and stuff so hopefully that'll work out. I just had being so socially awkward and having such social paranoia that people don't like me.


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## TheTraveler

Stop trying so hard to make friends. I had this problem as well. my advisor told me to just focus on my studies and as i work towards my major similar ppl to me will come. And she was right for sure. If you are desperate to make friends ppl will know and be put off.


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## azzah

My first year I didn't really make any friends either. I've had more success the last two years. Don't be too hard on yourself. I felt the same at the time. Just try to focus on your work, as others have said. It will take your mind off things and be an asset in the long run. But do try to join some clubs/societies, they're the best way to meet people with similar interests (gives you something to talk about too). I haven't myself but I know people who have. Also, you'll probably meet people through group projects etc. too. That's how I met most of the people I sit with in lectures. Good luck!


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## glossy95

TheTraveler said:


> Stop trying so hard to make friends. I had this problem as well. my advisor told me to just focus on my studies and as i work towards my major similar ppl to me will come. And she was right for sure. If you are desperate to make friends ppl will know and be put off.


I hope this is right, as I'm studying very hard right now. Idk why nobody wants to talk to me, maybe I just looked scary. Sometimes I feel tired because of being so quiet all the time when actually I love to talk..


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## TheTraveler

glossy95 said:


> I hope this is right, as I'm studying very hard right now. Idk why nobody wants to talk to me, maybe I just looked scary. Sometimes I feel tired because of being so quiet all the time when actually I love to talk..


Yeah I hear you. I am definitely more tired when i do not socialize. However, I found that even though I am very weird, as long as im polite and smile i will make a friend eventually. I became friends with this girl in bio lab because she thought it was funny how id have to stick my tongue out to look through the microscope to see the bacteria. From there I just realized that this perception of normal isn't there in the world. People like the crazy weird people who can let loose. Don't get me wrong, it isn't like id die for them but they consider me a part of their lives. I do go into periods where I don't talk to people and just crawl in bed and sleep. And then it is like starting all over again. But I have many friends who aren't interested in dating like me etc. we all met in class to. It is just one of those things where you need to just be comfortable being different.


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## Nono441

I tried to make friends first semester.. tried to interact with people in labs, etc.. didn't work.. kept going to uni half-heartedly for the second semester (why even bother going there if you're not going to be talking to anybody there? might as well study online) but still no result. Next year first semester, basically stopped going to uni at all (grades are fine though), I think my attendance was around 5%. Starting my second trimester tomorrow, not high hopes but w/e, I'm just gonna go and see.


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## glossy95

TheTraveler said:


> Yeah I hear you. I am definitely more tired when i do not socialize. However, I found that even though I am very weird, as long as im polite and smile i will make a friend eventually. I became friends with this girl in bio lab because she thought it was funny how id have to stick my tongue out to look through the microscope to see the bacteria. From there I just realized that this perception of normal isn't there in the world. People like the crazy weird people who can let loose. Don't get me wrong, it isn't like id die for them but they consider me a part of their lives. I do go into periods where I don't talk to people and just crawl in bed and sleep. And then it is like starting all over again. But I have many friends who aren't interested in dating like me etc. we all met in class to. It is just one of those things where you need to just be comfortable being different.


This is great. I wish to be like this too, but the people in my class just seem to think so bad about me. I think this is the reason.. I don't smile at all (just a little maybe). And it's hard to be polite sometimes I just feel anxious even to say thank you. But when I think about it, when I used to be myself and smile freely, I did have more friends.


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## Dunban

I'm heading to my 3rd year of university and haven't made a single friend. I never even talk to anyone in my classes. I honestly don't care anymore.


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## northroad

I graduated last year and got through all four years without knowing anyone, let alone making friends. I can't recall if I even told anyone my name... Lol


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## J0HNNY

On my first day on university I legit went around talking to strangers who were just hanging around campus (although I looked for people who were alone). All of the people I met were actually happy to meet me and were friendly. 

The good thing about my uni is there is so many people, unlike HS where most people know each other. If your uni is big then you could try meeting strangers and if it doesn't work out go to another spot - unless you're really unlucky, you probably won't HAVE to coverse with that person again.


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## J0HNNY

^*If meeting them doesn't work out.


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## glossy95

J0HNNY said:


> On my first day on university I legit went around talking to strangers who were just hanging around campus (although I looked for people who were alone). All of the people I met were actually happy to meet me and were friendly.
> 
> The good thing about my uni is there is so many people, unlike HS where most people know each other. If your uni is big then you could try meeting strangers and if it doesn't work out go to another spot - unless you're really unlucky, you probably won't HAVE to coverse with that person again.


This is what I wish to do. But I'm confused how do you start a convo normally? Even for a talk between friends I'm still confused sometimes..


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## LydiaC

My sister told me what a lot of you guys said. Just focus on your studies and you'll make one eventually. I really hope so. And I wish I could do that! I have tried before, introducing myself etc but i don't know if it's how I look, but I always get blank, weird stares in return. Or when someone does reply there's always an awkward silence cause we don't know what to talk about.

I did join a club, people there are friendly but everyone's mostly older then me or already do have their cliques unfortunately so it's hard. What makes it mostly hard I guess is that i always bump into my old high school friends who are hanging with their friends and i'm always alone. it's getting to the embarrassing point where I try to avoid them to avoid another scene of 'you should bring your friends down sometime and we can hang'. Sigh. I guess if it wasn't for that and work (my work colleagues always remind me about my birthday and tell me to go out clubbing with friends, have fun with friends cause i study too hard, my boss wonders why i don't take more saturday nights off like the others do to go out with friends etc) anyway, if it wasn't for all of that i guess i would be able to not care. But how can I? When i'm at the years of my life when i'm supposed to be going out, having fun and i would love to but can't, for the simple fact that i have no friends. How did you guys stop caring? Cause right now, I've been so depressed that i'd love to just get to that stage.


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## Skeithz

Maybe it's better to try be friend with a group rather than everyone, start slowly


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## J0HNNY

glossy95 said:


> This is what I wish to do. But I'm confused how do you start a convo normally? Even for a talk between friends I'm still confused sometimes..


I say hello, ask how they are and introduce myself, then just ask basic questions - like what are they studying.


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## TheTraveler

glossy95 said:


> This is great. I wish to be like this too, but the people in my class just seem to think so bad about me. I think this is the reason.. I don't smile at all (just a little maybe). And it's hard to be polite sometimes I just feel anxious even to say thank you. But when I think about it, when I used to be myself and smile freely, I did have more friends.


Im good with thank you but your welcome gets me. I end up saying thank you back etc or just saying yup. which pisses me off cause i sound like a douche. But everyone has their weaknesses. Just trying is all anyone can ask. just pretend your mother is there when you are talking to someone. you will for sure be on your best behavior.  I tend to think of my aunt being around and she loves to loose shoes up my *** so to speak. What ever you do shake hands! I do that a lot now. I never say much except hello my name is "------" and shake hands. I also leave after that and ppl think im just soooo nice. Formalities are so rare that if you can get that down you will be admired even if you dont talk a lot.


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