# Any tips for Online dating?



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

Does anyone here do this, and more importantly, are they successful? I have been at one for about 2 weeks, and I have sent some emails and gotten some replies but I don't know how to further the conversation...I always feel like it would be too forward to ask someone on a date right away so I feel like I should try to learn about them but then I don't want to be prying into a strangers life and basically I am confused! There is one girl I really like but I can't figure out how to respond to the email she sent me and I don't really understand her intentions.


----------



## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

if you have been getting responses, you are already ahead of the game

:blank


----------



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

The best tip I could give you is to not get your hopes up.


----------



## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

nemesis1 said:


> The best tip I could give you is to not get your hopes up.


Wise words.

I always get my hopes up.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

An empty profile with just a photo of your cleavage will garner WAAAAY more messages than a real, filled out profile with normal pics.


----------



## Puppet Master (Jan 1, 2012)

evginmubutu said:


> Does anyone here do this, and more importantly, are they successful? I have been at one for about 2 weeks, and I have sent some emails and gotten some replies but I don't know how to further the conversation...I always feel like it would be too forward to ask someone on a date right away so I feel like I should try to learn about them but then I don't want to be prying into a strangers life and basically I am confused! There is one girl I really like but I can't figure out how to respond to the email she sent me and I don't really understand her intentions.


My only advice is to listen to rymo he seems to know what he's doing.


----------



## maninabox (Aug 23, 2012)

I guess I would say be patient...I met my gf online, but I started to think I would never find anyone.


----------



## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

A ego booster for women, a waste of time for men.


----------



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Canucklehead said:


> Wise words.
> 
> I always get my hopes up.


I always used to get my hopes up too whenever I got talking to a girl from a dating site. I learned my lesson after the umpteenth time of either girls randomly cutting contact with me for no reason or showing up to the date looking nothing like their pics.

Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.


----------



## Gryffindor85 (Nov 7, 2011)




----------



## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

As others have said...dont get your hopes up. I put tips on another thread but ill put a few here too.....

1) be picky. Only message girls that are your type. Worst that can happen is they say no.
2) plan to chat over a period of time...1 month maybe...advancing from dating site to facebook and text messages before meeting.
3) think that just because you have a message...it may go nowhere. Perhaps knowing that can help you be yourself.

Step 2 is important. They wont like you rushing things and equivilantly to make a date go well your better off knowing them as well as possible before meeting.

If they get bored, find someone else or stop messaging in that time then it would never of worked


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

pete24 said:


> As others have said...dont get your hopes up. I put tips on another thread but ill put a few here too.....
> 
> 1) be picky. Only message girls that are your type. Worst that can happen is they say no.
> 2) plan to chat over a period of time...1 month maybe...advancing from dating site to facebook and text messages before meeting.
> ...


Step 2 isn't so clear cut, a lot of girls will lose interest if you don't make a move relatively soon. In the 3 dates I have gone on recently, I waited only a week between messaging/emailing to the first phone call where I then ask them on a date and this has gone very well each time. When girls on dating sites have so many potential people, you have to keep things moving.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

pete24 said:


> As others have said...dont get your hopes up. I put tips on another thread but ill put a few here too.....
> 
> 1) be picky. Only message girls that are your type. Worst that can happen is they say no.
> 2) plan to chat over a period of time...1 month maybe...advancing from dating site to facebook and text messages before meeting.
> ...


Yikes, can't say I agree with #2. I wouldn't necessarily suggest meeting right away, but a month seems like a really long time.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Puppet Master said:


> My only advice is to listen to rymo he seems to know what he's doing.


LOL. Op, if you're already getting some threads of conversation going, then you're doing great. Keep the conversation as light and fun as possible, inject some sarcasm...and then go for the number after 4-6 messages. If there's any level of interest on their end, prolonging the conversation forever will only make the girl start to wonder what you're waiting for. You have to get the idea out of your head that girls need to be wooed forever before you ask her out. Just a little interest will be enough to AT LEAST get her number. So don't be afraid to go for it. Asking her # shows confidence and she'll respond to that.


----------



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

AussiePea said:


> Step 2 isn't so clear cut, a lot of girls will lose interest if you don't make a move relatively soon. In the 3 dates I have gone on recently, I waited only a week between messaging/emailing to the first phone call where I then ask them on a date and this has gone very well each time. When girls on dating sites have so many potential people, you have to keep things moving.


Yeah I agree with this. Go for a quick meet every time. Some women will get freaked out by this and cut contact, but forget about them and move on. You really don't wanna waste months texting/emailing someone only to find out that you don't like them (or they don't like you) in real life.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I definitely need tips for online dating. I have a profile on OkCupid that I haven't filled completey out yet. It's tough thinking what to put on it.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

1. Don't put what type of woman you are looking for alot of sneaky people will pretend to be what you want, not sure if this is just a male thing.

2. Watch out people sometimes tend to pretend they have the same interests.

3. Before you meet ask for a full body picture.

4. Don't build your hopes up in your head when it comes to how their picture looks, I would often think they are better looking than they are and then when I see them they are totally different. I'm not saying looks mean everything but it can be off putting when you have been imagining they look different.

5. Don't ask to meet like within a few days of talking to them it comes across as desperate. At least give it a week.

6. You probably know this but don't ask rude, dirty questions like what's your bra size.

7. Don't mention anything about looks in your profile as in "i want a pretty girl" 

8. Try to have a catchy headline, not the usual looking for a nice girl stuff..

9. Try not to unleash deepest darkest secrets too early this will make you think you have some kind of connection it will hurt more if it goes wrong. On the internet you forget they are real sometimes lol

10. If you end up in a relationship check they have taken their profile off/hidden it.

11. If you are a woman seeking to find a man don't be surprised if they are a massive porn fan.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

First tip: Be a woman
Second tip: If you aren't, be homosexual
Third tip: If you don't want to be, then be handsome

Ugly people will never get dates on the internet. Average looking people may be attractive to some, so yeah, they may get dates, but they'll be hard to find.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

TPower said:


> First tip: Be a woman
> Second tip: If you aren't, be homosexual
> Third tip: If you don't want to be, then be handsome
> 
> Ugly people will never get dates on the internet. Average looking people may be attractive to some, so yeah, they may get dates, but they'll be hard to find.


You calling the OP ugly?


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I guess I should've tried to get a girlfriend when I was younger and had a few girls tell me that I was good looking.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

Hey i may not be a regular brad pitt (or whatever the kids are into these days) but I don't think I'm ugly. 

To rymo - Yeah i just have this fear that if I ask for their number they are going to freak out like 'ahhh who is this guy trying to get in my pants' I guess that's just indicative of my hesitancy with sex in general though


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> 1. Don't put what type of woman you are looking for alot of sneaky people will pretend to be what you want, not sure if this is just a male thing.
> 
> 2. Watch out people sometimes tend to pretend they have the same interests.
> 
> ...


Was agreeing all the way and then I read your last point and laughed, you really need to get over that. Apart from point 11, all good advice.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> You calling the OP ugly?


Nope, as a matter of fact, I don't even know what he looks like.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

TPower said:


> Nope, as a matter of fact, *I don't even know what he looks like*.


Obviously.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I didn't realize he actually had a picture, I didn't visit his profile until just now.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

My best advice, if you are a guy, is to try real life dating, and put online dating on the backburner. 

Men are overpopulated 4-1 by women on these sites, which is why so many guys have trouble finding dates. It's better to not invest too much in this, and work on getting over your shyness and anxiety in the real world. 

Of course, I am a hypocrite, because I need to take my own advice!


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't write generic: "wow ur so pretty" messages. Girls get so many of those that they get ignored. Instead, actually read her profile and comment on something in it. Be original, be fun and you will get noticed.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

AussiePea said:


> Was agreeing all the way and then I read your last point and laughed, you really need to get over that. Apart from point 11, all good advice.


No i meant especially because they are on a dating site. I made the school girl error that a lonely middle aged geek was suddenly going to fall at my feet and lose all interest in using porn it didn't happen.

I believe I might be suffering from some kind of sexual anxiety disorder.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

arnie said:


> Don't write generic: "wow ur so pretty" messages. Girls get so many of those that they get ignored. Instead, actually read her profile and comment on something in it. Be original, be fun and you will get noticed.


Agreed unless you use an usual word for attractive ie. radiant


----------



## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

evginmubutu said:


> There is one girl I really like but I can't figure out how to respond to the email she sent me and I don't really understand her intentions.


You and her are on a dating website and she is messaging you on that website, so unless she or her profile says otherwise she's interested in dating you.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

arnie said:


> Don't write generic: "wow ur so pretty" messages. Girls get so many of those that they get ignored. Instead, actually read her profile and comment on something in it. Be original, be fun and you will get noticed.


Message content is meaningless unless she finds you attractive.


----------



## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

TPower said:


> Message content is meaningless unless she finds you attractive.


You say that like it's a bad thing, I wouldn't want to date someone who doesn't find me attractive. That is of course if you are actually talking about attractiveness, as in individual subjective preferences and not society's preferences, if it's the latter then :twak.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

well ok an example - 

i say "hey i liked what your wrote on profile headline, it made my laugh very refreshing!" blahblah a few more things i said

she writes like 5 days later "thanks i'm glad someone appreciated it i thought it was quite fitting"

i write "yeah i struggled to come up with stuff on my profile i never took marketing classes and the product is tricky to sell" (which i thought was quite clever)

and now i haven't heard from her and i don't know what to do. by the way i know you can't really help me with all of this i am just interested in your opinion on how to proceed.


----------



## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

evginmubutu said:


> well ok an example -
> 
> i say "hey i liked what your wrote on profile headline, it made my laugh very refreshing!" blahblah a few more things i said
> 
> ...


She isn't interested, move on.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

evginmubutu said:


> well ok an example -
> 
> i say "hey i liked what your wrote on profile headline, it made my laugh very refreshing!" blahblah a few more things i said
> 
> ...


I don't know about other people but I lack creativity, so it's often hard to think of what to say. So I appreciate it when I get questions. Preferably questions that are not too hard to answer. But yeah, most likely she just isn't interested period.


----------



## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

The conversation did die there, when messaging make sure you always add something to keep the conversation alive, when in doubt ask a question. However, she isn't interested.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

MaxPower said:


> The conversation did die there, when messaging make sure you always add something to keep the conversation alive, when in doubt ask a question. However, she isn't interested.


i write "yeah i struggled to come up with stuff on my profile i never took marketing classes and the product is tricky to sell" (which i thought was quite clever)

Some people don't appreciate that kind of nerdy humour, was she a dolly bird lol


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

I would appreciate some honest feedback to my questions.

How silly/crazy should you allow yourself to be on your profile? (Like randomness, Internet meme references, etc.)

Is seriousness a turn off? (I'm a serious guy working on his professional life, I'm so serious the call me Serious Sam, etc.)

Is it all dependant on the individual girl? (worst alternative, means I have to be myself).


----------



## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> i write "yeah i struggled to come up with stuff on my profile i never took marketing classes and the product is tricky to sell" (which i thought was quite clever)
> 
> Some people don't appreciate that kind of nerdy humour, was she a dolly bird lol


Why did you quote me?:sus I liked that joke.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

just read back and seen that, yes why did I quote you i don't know lol i might of got used to reply being on the right side or something sorry.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Ivan AG said:


> I would appreciate some honest feedback to my questions.
> 
> How silly/crazy should you allow yourself to be on your profile? (Like randomness, Internet meme references, etc.)
> 
> ...


I'd say just be yourself honestly, who else can you be?

My ex boyfriend put on his hands up who wants to see a spider with 1 eye bigger than the other? //\oO/\\ lol that was a little too cheesy for me.


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

I went a bit crazy with the sarcasm and general randomness in my profile and I'm just concerned that she'll skim over my page and think "Who dafuq is this guy and is he even normal?".

It's being myself, but sometimes that can go bad.


----------



## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

Ivan AG said:


> I went a bit crazy with the sarcasm and general randomness in my profile and I'm just concerned that she'll skim over my page and think "Who dafuq is this guy and is he even normal?".
> 
> It's being myself, but sometimes that can go bad.


you need to stop thinking so much

sometimes analyzing things is not that good


----------



## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

WintersTale said:


> My best advice, if you are a guy, is to try real life dating, and put online dating on the backburner.
> 
> Men are overpopulated 4-1 by women on these sites, which is why so many guys have trouble finding dates. It's better to not invest too much in this, and work on getting over your shyness and anxiety in the real world.
> 
> Of course, I am a hypocrite, because I need to take my own advice!


I agree with WintersTale. Stick to getting out and meeting people offline if you can.


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

Are family photos a good addition to a profile?

I've got some family photos from a restaurant but am unsure if they'll be seen as creepy.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I have my own problems with online dating, but if you are talking to a girl and things are going smoothly ask if she'd like to talk on the phone. I think talking on the phone before asking on a date is what most people would prefer as they can gauge each other better without investing too much on an uncertainty.

Before all that, send out LOTS of emails lol


----------



## Openyoureyes (Jun 13, 2012)

I hate online dating.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

Holy **** while I was writing a "I give up" reply on here my phone buzzed that somebody winked at me on match.com god I hope she's good looking and not crazy


----------



## orpheus (Nov 16, 2003)

I haven't found my type yet and I've had a profile for more than a year!


----------



## Scorpio90 (Oct 17, 2012)

Try to ask for some advice from your female friends?


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Avoid them. Online dating for guys is like finding needles in haystacks. Unless you go with the nuke from orbit option...


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

I am actually sending emails daily with a girl I really like now. I didn't need any advice I just needed to be myself, who would've thunk it.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Do not talk about sexual things for at least a few weeks. 

Be wary of any personal information they give out about their exs if you should ask, I won't mention names but I had a guy last night tell me when I had only known him for like 24 hours that his ex was raped by one of her boyfriends. 

Don't let them find a way of knowing your second name, what school you went, your email address that you have registered your facebook with because they can put it in facebook and locate your second name.

One of these days I'm going meet a right weirdo on POF. I only dated one guy off POF and I already knew him from the pub.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

Well i am at this point now where we've exchanged like 5 emails and getting know to eachother but I am kind of in the dark about how to 'progress' things, like eventually meeting her in person. I guess I should just casually suggest it but I am not sure when to.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

It's crap people sometimes don't read your profile, and just send some message like hi, and just pretend to be what you want ie. having the same interests. I swear some guy read my profile then updated his to be like what I wanted. I'd say don't put what you want because people will pretend to be that person. I swear I had someone change what they were looking for on Pof it went from something like casual to long term.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> Do not talk about sexual things for at least a few weeks.


What the effing feck.

Might as well ask her to be just friends. You know, this attitude may work with you, but it won't with the vast majority of women.

I think that's horrible advice, the girl will most likely friendzone you by lack of initiative from your side.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

TPower said:


> What the effing feck.
> 
> Might as well ask her to be just friends. You know, this attitude may work with you, but it won't with the vast majority of women.
> 
> I think that's horrible advice, the girl will most likely friendzone you by lack of initiative from your side.


The conversation will end up going down south and then turning into a sexual relationship pretty quickly before you know them.

Another online dating tip is if someone claims to have a similar interest question them about it. Asked a guy if he watched the Mighty Boosh he said it's great he had seen 1 episode.


----------



## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

srschirm said:


> Yikes, can't say I agree with #2. I wouldn't necessarily suggest meeting right away, but a month seems like a really long time.


Its worth it, seeing how it unfolds only can boost your chances or prevent and upsets.

Logically after a month you will know a lot about them, it increases date success as theres more to talk about.

If after that time they are visiting the dating site still quite often, you will know chances are the date with you will be 1 of many for them, where they will take their pick after. If they have barely been on the site since and contact is going well, then it looks like they will date you, see how it goes, give it more of a chance and not date anyone else until they know the score with you.

If its going to work, then theres no need to rush.

Usually I talk on dating site, then add on FB after a few days, chat on FB then a week or few days after get their number


----------



## low (Sep 27, 2009)

evginmubutu said:


> *Any tips for Online dating?*


Don't do it. It's embittering.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

It's actually going really well now this girl seems to be into me we are sending emails quite a bit. I didn't really expect it to work out but we'll what happens now.


----------



## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

tried it for a week... stopped using it cause i didnt find it very effective... but dont let that sway u cause it probably just wasnt for me, but u might have alot of success...


----------



## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

My biggest issue with online dating is that it seems I'm constantly finding girls that don't have much to say. Getting a conversation going is like pulling teeth. I see 3-4 word replies (non open-ended too) and it makes me lose interest. Even bringing up something that they say they like, they still don't have much to say. Maybe I'm just finding the wrong people.


----------



## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

I think there is an element of luck as with most things in life.


----------



## Guldove (Oct 17, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> It's crap people sometimes don't read your profile, and just send some message like hi, and just pretend to be what you want ie. having the same interests. I swear some guy read my profile then updated his to be like what I wanted. I'd say don't put what you want because people will pretend to be that person. I swear I had someone change what they were looking for on Pof it went from something like casual to long term.


Part of the reason I haven't had the guts to set up a profile is people like that. I'm nervous enough without putting myself in a situation where people will be actively trying to manipulate me on such a personal level.

What if some of them even recognize me offline?


----------



## Ivan AG (Sep 29, 2010)

I just had a woman old enough to be my mom check out my profile.

The cougars are out on Ok Cupid.


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Guldove said:


> Part of the reason I haven't had the guts to set up a profile is people like that. I'm nervous enough without putting myself in a situation where people will be actively trying to manipulate me on such a personal level.
> 
> What if some of them even recognize me offline?


Yes very manipulative. I guess they would recognize you but they see alot of people a day on there.

I once had a weird thing happen to me, a guy in a shop was acting strange and he came right up to me looking at the drinks, I later saw him walking along and smoking. I came home to find he was on my most attracted list or something like that and it said he didn't smoke aswell!


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Guldove said:


> What if some of them even recognize me offline?


You would explode, obviously.


----------



## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Ivan G the older people found OK cupid in general I am feeling bored so I signed up I haven't even finished filling out my profile and this guy who is old enough to be my dad is messaging me. And it is creepy apparently it was attempted dirty talk but I was really too naive to get it... at all...until he spelled it out... go me, I had to BLOCK someone already. I don't even know if I want a picture up because I am nervous and worried about someone seeing that I am registered. And I kinda want to just not finish my profile if thats how things are going to be :-|


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

The cleavage pic on my fake profile was removed by OKCupid.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

komorikun said:


> The cleavage pic on my fake profile was removed by OKCupid.


Now that's a shame. :boogie


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Don't know...


----------



## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

I wouldn't want to do long distance, I once dated someone for 11 months who lived half an hour away. It seemed like a long drive only saw him once week.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Nada said:


> A ego booster for women, a waste of time for men.


Pretty much. The only advice I can give the OP: It's a numbers game. Don't just spam the same message over and over, and avoid just saying "hey what's up". Respond to what's actually in their profile. However, statistically speaking, if you send 100 messages, maybe 10-15 will respond, and 5 will go out with you.

That or pay some guy to drive dating traffic to your profile. May get expensive though...
(internet marketing has screwed up my brain :b)


----------

