# Why do I get treated like trash?



## CappnPoopdeck (Apr 3, 2012)

I always help out. I clean the house, get the mail, make dinner, and vacuum. I do my best in school to get good grades. But no matter what, I get treated like trash,unlike my little sister who gets treated like a goddess. 
Here's a little background information on her: She is 13 years old, yet she literally can not go an hour without throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old. She refuses to help around the house, (She'll throw a fit if you ask her to) and she makes me feel horrible all the time. She makes fun of me for not having any friends, she ruins everything I own, gets me in trouble for nothing all the time, and it isn't fair! A few days ago, on my 16th birthday, I was at the dinner table. She wouldn't stop interrupting me no matter what. I politely asked her to let me finish a sentence. So my dad turned and screamed at me and said I was being a *****, and then my grandparents also yelled at me. I told them how my sister always makes me feel horrible, and how she says horrible things to me all the time, and she never gets in trouble.
So my dad continued screaming at me, and he said, and this is the exact conversation:

Dad-"I don't care"
Me-"But she literally makes me feel horrible every single day"
Dad-"Stop being such a snot. You are always putting her down."
Me-"The only thing I say to her ever is to stop interrupting me, because I'm never allowed to finish a sentence."
Dad-"Why do you have to make everything so miserable?"
Me-"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make everyone miserable.."
Grandma-"Well obviously you are."

I started crying and I ran upstairs, and when I was in my room, I heard everyone laughing with my little sister, praising my little sister, telling her how great she is. Then they called me down because I had to open a birthday card from my uncle. I came down opened the card, and said thank you. My dad said "Oh my god, Sarah." in an extremely unhappy tone. I don't even know what I did.
When everyone left, my sister came up to me and said, "At least people at my school don't hate me, unlike you. And because of you, dad has to change what school you go to."
I told her that the reason I have to switch schools is because the bullying I deal with is getting completely out of hand, to the point where I have to eat lunch in the bathroom.
She kicked me and said, "Well if you knew how to handle yourself it wouldn't happen."
I told her not to kick me. She screamed and Dad came out of his office and yelled at me.

This happens all the time. I don't understand why she is practically worshiped, because she always is a brat to EVERYONE. My dad hates driving and is always busy with work, but my sister demands that he drives her somewhere almost every day, and throws a fit if he doesn't. She always tell him he has to bring her to stores and to her friends, but doesn't tell him until the last second. She screams and cries if he says no. 
Then whenever we are at my mom's house, (My mom is really poor and has no teeth,) My sister treats her like garbage, and won't do anything by herself. She only talks in a high pitched baby voice, cries every day we are there many times a day, and if my sister wants something, she'll force my mom to spend the little money she has on it. She screams and cries until my mom bakes something for her every weekend, and she acts like she has authority over me and orders me to do things for her, orders that I let her use my stuff, (Which she always does regardless of what I say,) and she insults me brutally about very personal issues, like my best friend who recently hung himself. And everyone is okay with her treating me this way. Nobody ever corrects her. When I try to tell her she is being really mean, she throws a tantrum and everyone yells at me. 
She is always allowed to have tons of friends over, and I'm not allowed to leave the house unless it's to go to my job. 
No matter what I say, I always get yelled at for it. When my uncle asked me where I get my lunch money, I laughed and jokingly said that I pull it out of thin air. Everyone at the table yelled at me.
And my sister always steals funny jokes I make up, and tells them to everyone. She takes credit and everyone yells at me if I try to tell them I made it up. 
If I am in the middle of telling a story or a joke, my sister will cut me off, finish it, and take credit. And if I try to talk over her after she interrupts me, I get in trouble for interrupting HER after she interrupted ME.
And since I turned 16, my Dad has been reminding me that I need to take my written permit exam, and says it as though he's mad at me for it, because he has to drive me to the DMV so I can take it. He reminds me constantly that he'll me really mad if I fail it, and that if I fail it, I'll be considered a lazy *******.
Please give me advice to stop this, whenever I tell ANYONE they don't care and literally just tell me to stop speaking to them, that's what the school guidance counseler said, that's what everyone one both sides of the family said, and all the kids at school make fun of me, so it's not like I can tell them.

I don't understand why this happens to me, I help everyone whenever I can, hoping that they'll acknowledge that I'm a human being, but I always watch them yell at me, (For example, if I bring in all the groceries for my grandma, she will simply watch me, wait for me to be done, and then yell at me to get out of her way.)

And then at school, everyone treats me like some kind of punching bag, and no matter how much I try to stand up for myself, it get worse and worse. I tried telling the administrators at my school, but they won't do anything. Everyone sees me as a weirdo, everyone hates me, makes fun of me, and throws things at me. Nobody wants to be my friend, because they don't want to get made fun of for being near me. I try to make friends, but no matter what, I can't. 

I used to have a best friend, he was a bit older than me, (he was 19) and he was homeless. But recently, he hung himself. It's like the world doesn't want me to be happy. Every time anything good happens, it quickly is ruined. And it's almost never even my fault! I don't get it... I honestly can say that I think I'm destined to either die young or be miserable for my entire life.

I just want someone to treat me like a human... Just once...
It's not fair that everyone loves my sister when she is the exact opposite of a good person... :'(


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## bedroommonster (Apr 2, 2012)

Sounds brutal dude. I can kind of relate. My sister is 4 and if I tell her no I will have he!! to pay


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## smenon (Apr 3, 2012)

Well, it is very unlikely of me to give such an advice, as usually I am on the receiving end of things but...

Dude! Man Up! Grow some balls. Stop being such a wuss. I empathize with your situation, I really do... But, empathy will get you nowhere! 

You talk as if you are destined to be bullied all your life. Don't you realize that what's wrong is not the people around you. What's wrong is your attitude. You let people bully you. Some people were always mean. And you seem to have a whole lot of those hovering around you. But, people survive in prison's of another hostile country for godsake.

I accept that people shouldn't treat you like that. But, how people behave is not something you can control. But your attitude is something YOU CAN control. Can't you go and live with your mom? Or some nice relative? Oh nevermind.. Can't you go out and find a place for yourself. You are 16 and I know some people in America who moved out of their houses at that age.

Your only friend was a suicidal homeless guy? Then I don't believe you are trying to make friends.. at all. There are good people everywhere in the world. Period. Maybe no one wants to be your friend at school. Okay. What about where you work? There must be someone there who is nice to you. No matter what age. Make friends with a girl. Girls are more empathetic than guys. At least the nice ones are. It's not that hard. Just go to them and say "Hi". If you say "Hi" to enough people, you'll make a friend eventually.

Also, don't let your family treat you like crap. Stand up to them! There is nothing wrong with you. NOTHING. And they shouldn't treat you like how they treat you. When your sister said, "Well if you knew how to handle yourself it wouldn't happen." she was right! That's what you need to learn - to handle yourself.

Also realize that you are not in competition with your sister. Being better than your sister doesn't define you.

So, go ahead. Stand up to yourself (no matter how hard it is), make some friends and be happy. 

Sumit.


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## CappnPoopdeck (Apr 3, 2012)

*reply to: smenon*

I'm afraid my dad is going to scream at me more than he already does, that's generally what happens whenever I try to stand up for myself.... and I try really hard to make friends, but once I make them, I end up getting scared of them not liking me, and I end up pushing them away almost immediately. And the homeless guy was a really nice guy, don't get me wrong... 
I can't live with my mom because with the welfare plan she's on, nobody else is allowed to live with her in her apartment. 
I'm not looking for empathy, I was looking for advice, but I guess with the amount of whining in my post I probably do sound like a wuss..
And the only people I work with are whomever's house it is I'm cleaning/installing a floor into.

Thanks for the advice you did give, though.. I'm going to try harder to stand up for myself..

(P.S. Sorry if I seem like a total whiner..)


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## whatevzers (Jan 26, 2012)

I can't really say I relate, but man, that sounds horrible. I have a feeling that one day, you're going to reach a breaking point where you'll just stop giving a crap what everyone says and just try to live your life. Hopefully.


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## Setolac (Jul 26, 2009)

I suggest that you do everything you can to learn how to be independent. Learn how to make money and soon enough once you turn 18 you could get your own place to live in and hopefully have a stable job that could support you.


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## peril (Jan 7, 2012)

Please don't be offended...but are you sure you're not adopted? I just can't understand why'd they favor her so much considering the age gap is just 3 years. 

Regarding your sister, I think she might be acting like that because of peer pressure. Maybe some people are teasing her for being related to someone who got bullied out of school. Maybe one of the reasons why she tries so hard to be liked is because she's afraid to get bullied herself so she projects this tough-yet-envied-by-all persona. Lastly, maybe she thinks if she bullies you, she won't be like you.

That's no excuse though, she's your sister, she should act like one.


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## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

smenon said:


> Well, it is very unlikely of me to give such an advice, as usually I am on the receiving end of things but...
> 
> Dude! Man Up! Grow some balls. Stop being such a wuss. I empathize with your situation, I really do... But, empathy will get you nowhere!
> 
> ...


 I'm sure you mean well but that's some really ****ty advice. You're telling the person that they don't have any balls and being a wuss. That's not how you encourage a person. A person in the situation the OP is in probably feels like a loser already and saying things like that just makes a person feel even more like a loser.

And if you're not in a household like that, it's easy to say "stand up for yourself." But really, what's going to happen? The OP gets yelled at. Then she yells back. Then she gets yelled at back. Sometimes I'd get into those shouting matches and I'm glad I did because they made me feel good but other than that they didn't fix anything. And for me, standing up for myself ended up translating into running away from home, getting into drugs, getting into trouble and catching a felony case for something I did out of desperation. My little brother was a lot like your little sister but he watched his mouth around me because I stood up for myself. How did I "stand up for myself?" I used to beat him.

Standing up for yourself isn't always a good thing and it isn't always a bad thing. I'm not saying not to stand up for yourself but if your dad screams at you, you don't have to scream back at him if you don't want to. If you can walk away, it might be better for you to just do that.

And unless the state she lives in has completely different laws than mine, it's not legal for her to move out unless her parents give their permission. The OP is not discussing easy problems so she will not be helped by easy answers. Acting like her problems are more simple and easy to fix than they really are is an insult to her because you're distorting the true nature of her problems by making them look petty and thus making her seem petty for being bothered by them.

And just because she doesn't have a lot of friends doesn't mean she isn't trying. Getting bullied is like a vicious cycle. Kids get bullied because they don't have many friends. And why do they not have many friends? Because they get bullied. It's not an easy problem.

Anyways, what I want to say to the OP is my hope is that you realize it's that you are perfectly normal. It's the way your treats you that isn't normal. What you're going through and what you're feeling is perfectly normal for anyone in your situation. You were born into that family and it's not your fault.

I've been in a situation like that and so have a lot of other people. You're keeping up good grades, you're keeping the house clean and cooking for your family? I'm not a loser and I didn't even accomplish what you're accomplishing right now. You're doing better than I did. I barely passed my classes and I barely avoided dropping out of high school. You're doing good and you should keep it up. One day those grades are going to pay off.

People might say some hurtful things to you but they're wrong and you might not realize they're wrong but I hope one day you can hear what they tell you and know in your heart that they're wrong. The people that act like you're not going through anything and people that make you feel like you're whining for talking about your problems? They're wrong. Having to deal with people like that is normal too. I've been there before and as I got older I met more people and they understood me better. And the people that do understand aren't going to make you feel like a loser because they know you're not a loser.

And honestly, things are going to get better but it's going to take time. I don't know who your favorite singer or actor or whoever it is, but suppose you watch a movie about their life. How much of the movie is going to show their life at 16 years old? That part of their life will probably get shown for 5 to 10 minutes and then the movie will move on to the really interesting stuff that happened after they became adults. How I look at my life is it's kinda like a movie and all the stuff that happened to me when I was your age was just the beginning of the movie. It's not the end and it's not even the middle of the movie. Hopefully five years from now you'll look back on when you were 16 and think "You know, those were hard times for me but they're over now and I have a whole life time ahead of me to enjoy."

And a lot of those people that get movies made about them, a lot of those people you see on TV... they got picked on in high school, too. Eminem, Barack Obama, Lady Gaga, Robert Pattinson from Twilight, they were all picked on too. And look how successful they are now. And a lot of the popular kids in high school, those football players, those kids that everybody loves... you'd be amazed at how many of them never go anywhere after high school. They were so big in high school and then after high school they become sad people who wish they still in high school because it was the high point of their life. You can be the opposite. Instead of having the high point of your life be in high school, the high point of your life can come after high school. Just like Eminem and the other people I named.

You know how people say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? It's true. I know you feel weak right now but when all this is over you'll be a stronger person because of what you went through.

Something I do when I'm not feeling happy is listen to music and I don't know what kind of music you listen to but this is a song I listen to help myself stay positive:


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## damn (Feb 17, 2012)

why dont you take self defense lessons in a martial arts school? that would help you build self confidence and you'll feel safe in school.


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## rapidfox1 (Sep 13, 2010)

Wow, your family is cruel. My advice is to deal with them, ignore their insults, and hope for the day where you will no longer have to live with them.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

You see the problem is your parents never see your little bratty sister being mean towards you and they only see you being mean towards her. Try not to be mean towards your sister whenever your parents are not around. Say a smart *** remark to her whenever your parents are not around just like she does to you. If she tattletales on you, tell them that it's not true. I have a bratty older sister and she does the exact same thing to me as well. She has gotten in trouble a few times thank God because she did deserve it. People need a taste of their own medicine and it's time your sister gets hers. Blackmail her in a way.


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## Miikser18 (Jul 12, 2011)

You are having a hard time for sure. I can kind of relate because my mom yells at me a lot more than at my younger brother (2 yrs younger). Especially it's sad to hear that your parents strictly stand for the good of your sister but ignore your opinions completely. Not the best set of parents, because children may receive different care from parents, but deserve mother's love and father's love equally.

I'd advise you to spend more time outside your home, perhaps hanging out with your friends, or looking for some outside-school activities (for example, I go to a local art school, which is like institution for school-aged children to go after school's over, then they go to art school and they can like practice drawing in various lessons, there are teachers who guide and give advice, and since there are no strict rules there, you can socialize freely and talking/having fun is not prohibited).
Perhaps you should take up something that interests you and start investing more time in it, like sports, drawing, music instrument, dancing, singing, acting etc. It's a way to get more away from home, you can escape from the stress your home might cause you and who knows, maybe what you are doing today is going to shape your future perspectives soon enough. Being skilled in playing a guitar for example might get you in a famous rock band and get you on with rock'n'roll lifestyle !


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## smenon (Apr 3, 2012)

BobbyByThePound said:


> I'm sure you mean well but that's some really ****ty advice. You're telling the person that they don't have any balls and being a wuss. That's not how you encourage a person. A person in the situation the OP is in probably feels like a loser already and saying things like that just makes a person feel even more like a loser.
> 
> And if you're not in a household like that, it's easy to say "stand up for yourself." But really, what's going to happen? The OP gets yelled at. Then she yells back. Then she gets yelled at back. Sometimes I'd get into those shouting matches and I'm glad I did because they made me feel good but other than that they didn't fix anything. And for me, standing up for myself ended up translating into running away from home, getting into drugs, getting into trouble and catching a felony case for something I did out of desperation. My little brother was a lot like your little sister but he watched his mouth around me because I stood up for myself. How did I "stand up for myself?" I used to beat him.
> 
> ...


First of all, I didn't know the OP was a girl. I wrote the advice for a guy. If I'd known I would've used better language. I apologize for that.

Secondly, I still stand by what I said. Ignoring the problem is not the answer. You solve a problem when you do something about it. I've never gotten better by the things will get better advice. (No offense to anyone.) Things have only gotten better when I did something about it (or was made to do something about it.) As an example, I have all my life been told I was shy and when I was young, people said he'll grow out of it when he is older and I believed them. But, I'm older and NOT better. I've recently come to realize that I gotta do something to make things work.

At 16 you are not a kid anymore. You're practically an adult and nobody is going to treat you differently. She spent all her life taking **** from other people. And I'm sure that hasn't done any good to her self-respect. She needs to gain more of that. And giving in doesn't necessarily help the cause. And standing up isn't just arguing. (Let's face it. Kids will never win an argument with their parents) It's doing the opposite of what other people expect you to do. It's saying, "Sorry, I don't play by your rules no more." Walking away works just as well. But not standing there with the I'm Sorry look.

Also, I didn't mean to insult her. I'm sorry if she felt that way. I'm sure a lot of people who she has talked to have been empathetic to her situation. But, that evidently hasn't solved the problem.

So, sorry if you didn't like the advice. I can only tell you what has worked for me.

Thank You,
Sumit.


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## Saekon (Jan 13, 2010)

smenon said:


> Secondly, I still stand by what I said. Ignoring the problem is not the answer. You solve a problem when you do something about it. I've never gotten better by the things will get better advice. (No offense to anyone.) Things have only gotten better when I did something about it (or was made to do something about it.) As an example, I have all my life been told I was shy and when I was young, people said he'll grow out of it when he is older and I believed them. But, I'm older and NOT better. I've recently come to realize that I gotta do something to make things work.


I agree, I don't feel ignoring the problem, or waiting for it to get better and letting people tread over you is the right way to approach this. Then again, I don't think that's the right way to approach anything... From my experience. Standing up for myself greatly improved my self-esteem and was definitely something I should have done earlier. Of course, we all have different situations, but the advice is still there.



CappnPoopdeck said:


> I'm going to try harder to stand up for myself..


That's the spirit!


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## Cat5 (Dec 12, 2010)

It's bad enough that your classmates pick on you because of your lack of self-esteem. But for your parents and grandparents to be that wicked is shocking.

I really feel sorry for you.

The only solution is for you to build your self-esteem. This will be a difficult task in the environment in which you live, but obviously if you don't help yourself no one in your family seems to care enough to help.

Go to the library and get out a book on how to build up your self-esteem / confidence / etc.. You have to be your own best buddy to get through this.

Being good and doing everything right is not the key to building a happy life. The key is to focus on your own needs and take care of you.

I'd recommend the book: "No More Mr. Nice Guy", but if you get it keep it out of sight so you don't get picked on for it. But it would help you. Being a Nice Guy doesn't work. That doesn't mean you should be a jerk. But running around doing things for other people who don't appreciate it is being a "Nice Guy" and it won't bring you happiness. You have to spend your time doing what's best for you.

Edit: I guess that you may be a girl instead of a guy. But the truth remains. Being a perfect little servant girl will not get you love and respect. You have to look out for #1 - and that is you! Go after your dreams, and stop kissing ***. Get out of that situation as quickly as you possibly can and when you are on your own you can begin the healing process.


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## CappnPoopdeck (Apr 3, 2012)

Thanks for the help, everyone; I went to the library and got some self esteem books.. I hope they will help.


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## ihatemylife16 (Jul 29, 2012)

*me too*



CappnPoopdeck said:


> I always help out. I clean the house, get the mail, make dinner, and vacuum. I do my best in school to get good grades. But no matter what, I get treated like trash,unlike my little sister who gets treated like a goddess.
> Here's a little background information on her: She is 13 years old, yet she literally can not go an hour without throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old. She refuses to help around the house, (She'll throw a fit if you ask her to) and she makes me feel horrible all the time. She makes fun of me for not having any friends, she ruins everything I own, gets me in trouble for nothing all the time, and it isn't fair! A few days ago, on my 16th birthday, I was at the dinner table. She wouldn't stop interrupting me no matter what. I politely asked her to let me finish a sentence. So my dad turned and screamed at me and said I was being a *****, and then my grandparents also yelled at me. I told them how my sister always makes me feel horrible, and how she says horrible things to me all the time, and she never gets in trouble.
> So my dad continued screaming at me, and he said, and this is the exact conversation:
> 
> ...


the same thing happens to me exeped with my mom and my step dad is nice to me !!


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## ihatemylife16 (Jul 29, 2012)

me too the same thing happens to me with my mom but my step dad is nice to me


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## Daisy Jr (Feb 10, 2013)

Hon, I'm sorry. I might be younger then you but I know how you feel and are there for you until the end of time. Maybe the world is testing you. And I know why. Its because you will be destined for GREAT things. And this will help you on your way to that in a twisted way. And I think I know what you are saposed to do because you hae inspired me to stand up for myself because as much as I hate to admit it I am basically a shadow that is nice but mistreated, but I think if people give us, the shadows, a chance in the light we will truely shine!

P.S. I think you will be famous and inspire bulled and troubled kids and help parents become better fathers and mothers through speaches and counseling.
And I will look forward to that!

There for you always,
Andromeda the Teller


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