# Unmotivated/Procrastination



## Jrs9012 (Jul 12, 2013)

Hey so this is my first post and it will be a long one. 

So lately i have been afflicted with a serious bout of melancholy. This is really affected my grades. I would not say it is depression but I have always had random month long of multiple month long periods when i just fell lethargic, unmotivated, lonely and hopeless, this is one of those times. 

I developed the SA disorder trichotillomania when i was, i would say 14. My SA is partially genetic but was brought out from the bullying i went through when I was an early adolescent and maybe even before i was ten. The worst bully was a neighborhood "friend" who made sure i was constantly the center of the joke. The consistent teasing and put-downs convinced me to stop going outside to play with the neighborhood boys. This was from 5th grade to half way through 7th. I was an A and B student until 7th grade, once the SA really kicked in i was a straight D student. My mother took me out of school and sent me to a private school, which was the best move she could of made, and the bullying lessened for the most part but the new kids still thought i was weird. Once i switched schools I decided to never go outside to play or talk to the neighborhood boys so for a solid year i only played video games and watched TV, this was extremely detrimental to my development. I missed out on all of the "normal" middle school- early high school activities of going on those group dates to the movies, having a first girlfriend, first kiss, etc. Knowing that i was missing out on all this made me feel very depressed and i just sunk my life into video games to escape, i had zero friends. I could not do any homework and i developed terrible procrastination habits which i still try to work through. Things got a little better around 10th grade, i started to talk to neighborhood kids again, not the bully, and by 11th grade I transferred to their public school and joined the water polo team. Fast forward to the last 3 months of senior year. I was in really good shape, I had a group of friends and i began experimenting with alcohol. I had my first kiss while completely drunk at a high-school party senior year, and later i became known as a "tank" with in my group of friends for my drinking ability, haha. So i started to "self medicate" with alcohol before anything social and i wanted to be that "party guy." I wanted to catch up with what i missed out on because of my SA. 

I barely graduated with a 2.2 GPA that year, i went to a community college. I thought "College is a fresh start to make up (catch up) on my awful GPA i made in high school." Every semester in community college was a "New beginning." I never really cared about my grades in community college i always thought i would have a second chance or a new beginning to make up the C i got last semester or i would not study for the Wednesday test on Monday but i would buckle down and study Tuesday night for sure, which never happened. I would put it off till 8pm then 10pm then 1am then 2am then i would just stay up all night attempting to study but never doing it. I would say the next day "i pulled an all nighter." This gave me the illusion that I made an effort, but in reality I had not read so much as 100 pgs in my 3 yrs in community college. I graduated with a 2.6 from community college. 

Then i went to University for a "Fresh start." At first i was proud of myself, my grades were : B+,B+,B,B. Which is not too great, but for the fist time in 10yrs a C was not good enough for me. Well now im taking summer classes and I can just not bring my self to do the work. I failed every assignment i had scheduled last week and i will now have to work really hard just to get a C in the courses. 

It is so frustrating for me, I feel like a failure. I moved back in with my parents a year and a half ago to focus on school but lately i have continued my bad habit of playing video games and generally doing nothing when i should be something. I feel worthless I do have a job but I am 22 and I am playing video games to pass time instead of being a ****ing adult and being responsible. I just cant bring myself to do the work lately i feel like my life has been a exhausting effort to CATCH UP, to make up lost time, and make up my poor grades from 7th grade. Well in a year i have no fresh starts i will graduate and my parents will cut me off financially. This has been stressing me out i feel as though my procrastination and lack of motivation is finally catching up to me and it it now time to "Pay the Piper." I have developed deep rooted terrible habits that are still with me. I have continually put things off till tomorrow, like getting and internship or joining a school group, and now i feel as though i have no more time left. 

Well that is all i know it is long and i would be appreciative if someone responded but i don't expect it. What inspired this post was that today i forgot to go to the financial aid office to hand them a paper, i was playing games all day. My mother used the word disappointing because i have been forgetting assignment since high school. Sometimes i feel as though I have not grown past that 15 year old boy who couldn't do his homework. 
Thanks for reading.


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## H8PPLNDGS (Mar 15, 2013)

Not much advise but I can probably sympathize.
Again people can motivate or seriously demotivate you to the point you don't want to ****ing do anything at all and distract yourself with something that either involve others who are doing the same or just be away from everyone else. 
Then you waste your time/energy/health impressing others who did not give a **** in the first place just to fit in. Worse when you are not around very motivating or not influenced enough by very focused people at school or wherever so that you can succeed because you do have the potential to do so especially if you pick the right thing for you etc. 
I don't blame you if you would prefer to sit 12-15 hours playing video games or getting into other distractions that you don't turn around as something you can do for profit or anything productive in some way. Dealing with people regardless of what you want or need is indeed ****ing stressful and yep if you can avoid it you will want to by any means. 
Just as you have developed a habit of procrastination you can reverse it but it would be harder to do.


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## Brendon19 (Aug 31, 2012)

Even though I'm younger than you, I can relate. I have to redo this school year because of my SA, missed alot of school and stuff. It really makes me feel like a failure.
Now all I do is play videogames, watch movies etc. Alot of times I just think, **** it, I'll just be a loner without a job who plays video games all day, but that's not what I want at all.

I procrastinate alot as well, I really enjoyed playing music, drawing and writing in the past but I just can't get myself to it for some reason. I Don't have friends on a deeper level, so they don't motivate me. My parents don't even know what I do half of the time so I'm pretty much stuck with trying to find motivation in other ways. 
Not really good advice, but you could try to motivate in new ways, maybe try to find motivation in yourself instead of trying to live up to the expectations of other people (if you do right now).


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## Anxious2 (Jun 5, 2013)

I can definitely relate to your problems with procrastination.

I managed to do pretty good in high school, even though I would always leave everything to the last minute. I was considered one of the smart kids. The standards there were pretty low and there wasn't too much homework.

Then when I got to university everything was different. I found out that I never learned any good work habits or how to study anything on my own. I procrastinated on everything like I used to in high school and there was no way I could do it. So my grades went down hill.

If I would have worked hard enough I think I could have done alright but I didn't I just kept procrastinating and saying I would do better later, and so I started failing, and feeling worse and worse.

Now I've quit school and I feel like a complete failure. I'm thinking of starting school again at a local college in September because I think it will be easier but I'm scared I'll just do the same thing again and fail again.


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## Downtheroad (Jul 20, 2013)

I miss most of my classes because I get too much anxiety to go and I have a problem doing my assignments because I get in a rut thinking "whats the point." I haven't really had anything to motivate me to do so, myself alone cant motivate it enough. It's pretty bad, wish it would go away but I always get into that rut and don't come out, sucks.


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