# if someone stares at you in a hostile or judgmental way



## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

how do you deal with the situation?


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## cubsfandave (Jul 20, 2016)

I usually automatically assume I look like an idiot or something. Negative thoughts kill me


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Am I cornered? Can I leave? How big/fit are they? Can I kick their ***?

There's a lot to this question that makes it hard to answer without details.

I'm usually one to avoid conflict, and I don't physically fight unless I have to, so I would probably just walk away. If they were a stranger, I would assume they were a nutbag and not give it much thought.

If it were someone I'd have to form a functional relationship with (coworker, for example), I'd probably ask them if everything was okay.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

A judgemental stare would be a difficult thing to identify I think. A hostile stare, sure, heh, but judgemental is a little more nuanced and could be easily misidentified.

At any rate, my policy for hostility would be pretty much "do whatever not to escalate it", which usually means ignoring it / simply pretending I didn't see it. I am a best outcome kinda guy so whatever it takes to get that. Leave bravado for the people who want to get injured.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

Karsten said:


> Am I cornered? Can I leave? How big/fit are they? Can I kick their ***?
> 
> There's a lot to this question that makes it hard to answer without details.
> 
> ...


sorry should have added context. the situation would be a stranger passing you in the street alone or in a crowd.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

splendidbob said:


> A judgemental stare would be a difficult thing to identify I think. A hostile stare, sure, heh, but judgemental is a little more nuanced and could be easily misidentified.
> 
> At any rate, my policy for hostility would be pretty much "do whatever not to escalate it", which usually means ignoring it / simply pretending I didn't see it. I am a best outcome kinda guy so whatever it takes to get that. Leave bravado for the people who want to get injured.


yea it is difficult, and it's quite tricky for me to explain a judgmental stare. but its like a stare thats given when someone doesn't like something about another person if that makes sense? in my case it seems to be either someone looks at me with a wary, concerned look, or like i'm crazy. i'm no threat to them, which is why I perhaps feel it's judgmental towards myself.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

One time I was playing 9 hole golf at the local pitch and put range, and a strange old man stood atop a grassy mound and stared at me through holes 3-6. Other people noticed it as well. I ignored it and never did find out what the deal was. 

I think it's better I didn't find out what the deal was as it makes the mildest of mildly amusing anecdotes (the toughest slot of humorous anecdote to fill).

Had I asked him, and it turned out it was my dad or something, it would have been moderately amusing, and I have tonnes of those anecdotes in the bank.

I should point out he wasn't staring in a hostile way, but it might have been judgemental (I wasn't the best golfer).


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

splendidbob said:


> One time I was playing 9 hole golf at the local pitch and put range, and a strange old man stood atop a grassy mound and stared at me through holes 3-6. Other people noticed it as well. I ignored it and never did find out what the deal was.
> 
> I think it's better I didn't find out what the deal was as it makes the mildest of mildly amusing anecdotes (the toughest slot of humorous anecdote to fill).
> 
> ...


Maybe he just liked your short shorts?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Karsten said:


> Maybe he just liked your short shorts?


It might have been, I do wear improbably short shorts for all sporting activities, but old men are _never_ sexual, you know that full well. I challenge you to pr...


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Karsten said:


> Maybe he just liked your short shorts?


Wait, I just realised you might have been implying I have multiple bodily exits..


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

if in a hostile way, i'll do something snarky like smile or lift my eyebrows in a whatever kind of manner

if it's on the road i'll just flip them off 

if in just a weird, staring way, i'll make some obnoxiously awkward cringy face at them or laugh like a dying llama to make them recognize that i don't like the attention


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Take a video of the person staring and post it on YouTube. Caption it: "******* staring at me"


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Wink at them


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Throw em through a table.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

I just look at them with disgust. Like i make my face seem grossed out and weirded out and i stare at them like they're evil or something lol. Often times they look away in embarassment. I love it when some stupid person stares at you in a really judgemental way, and i just creep them out by staring at them in a weird way lol. You can do a lot of mental damage to someone just by looking at them, especially if you have no shame lol.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

splendidbob said:


> A judgemental stare would be a difficult thing to identify I think. A hostile stare, sure, heh, but judgemental is a little more nuanced and could be easily misidentified.
> 
> At any rate, my policy for hostility would be pretty much "do whatever not to escalate it", which usually means ignoring it / simply pretending I didn't see it. I am a best outcome kinda guy so whatever it takes to get that. Leave bravado for the people who want to get injured.


I like that mindset. The main thing with me i guess is that i am creeped out that they might have some psychotic intentions.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

sad1231234 said:


> I like that mindset. The main thing with me i guess is that i am creeped out that they might have some psychotic intentions.


Probability wise it is very rare though, and whilst my approach _would_ be looking away, I would try to make it "look away as if I hadn't noticed". I figure you definitely don't want to show aggression (that would be the worst response, since it's an invitation), you maaaybe don't want to show weakness (a timid looking away), though that likely would be fine, but best might be that you didn't even notice, or care about the hostile look. It isn't inviting a reaction, isn't inviting being bullied, and also projects the idea that you aren't actually phased by someone staring you down. It's showing a kind of confident but non confrontational strength that might make you more trouble than it's worth.

I might be talking **** though.

I think in doubt though, avoid all conflict. No points scored if you end up having the **** kicked out of you .


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

Maslow said:


> Take a video of the person staring and post it on YouTube. Caption it: "******* staring at me"


lol

I have thought about attaching a gopro to my head whenever I go out and see if I can capture something on film? I can't really afford a gopro though.. plus if its too big and distracting I might end up getting more stares at it, which will ruin or potentially bias the experiment...
@splendidbob
that sounds like a good way to handle it, I have a hard time being unphased by a stare and I have tried on occasions to pretend I didn't see it, the problem I find is if they are staring me down and they are looking at my eyes and they clock that I see them stare at me then it puts me into a bind where I think I can't ignore this because surely they know I know they are trying to intimidate me?


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

@unemployment simulator worst case, avoid conflict. There is a time and a place for being assertive, and practising being assertive, but when it is a situation where you have literally _no stake_ in the relationship (a dude staring you down), it ain't worth it. When you want to be assertive is when the relationship matters to you in some way (those are the times it is hardest to be assertive I find).

The relationship you have with the person staring you down though is totally meaningless, so I certainly wouldn't think too much about it at all. Look away and mentally smile to yourself, because remember this is someone who is so insecure they feel the need to bolster their self esteem by trying to intimidate people. They are literally demonstrating their weakness. A strong or confident person doesn't need to pull any of that ****.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

splendidbob said:


> @unemployment simulator worst case, avoid conflict. There is a time and a place for being assertive, and practising being assertive, but when it is a situation where you have literally _no stake_ in the relationship (a dude staring you down), it ain't worth it. When you want to be assertive is when the relationship matters to you in some way (those are the times it is hardest to be assertive I find).
> 
> The relationship you have with the person staring you down though is totally meaningless, so I certainly wouldn't think too much about it at all. Look away and mentally smile to yourself, because remember this is someone who is so insecure they feel the need to bolster their self esteem by trying to intimidate people. They are literally demonstrating their weakness. A strong or confident person doesn't need to pull any of that ****.


thanks man. I will try and find a way to practice non confrontational confidence and see if I can find a way through this. you are right though it does seem like a projection of insecurity.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

unemployment simulator said:


> thanks man. I will try and find a way to practice non confrontational confidence and see if I can find a way through this. you are right though it does seem like a projection of insecurity.


I am worried you will listen to me and get yourself in trouble lol  - play it safe


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

I think I will be ok though, I have not got myself into any problems thus far in life. even the few times when I experimented with staring back. I just wish I didn't get stared at. I don't ever go looking for trouble it does distress me and makes me wonder why I am being targeted.


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## JohnDoe26 (Jun 6, 2012)

I get stared at constantly due to my asymmetrical facial features (or to put it colloquially, I'm really damn ugly). I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that every single person I pass by on the street looks at me in shock and disgust. 

In my experience, the last thing you want to do is confront the person. Unless you're prepared for the possibility of them retaliating and being aggressive. You also don't want to show that it bothers you. Because a lot of peopled are f'd up, and when they find out that something gets to you, they do it over and over again just for the amusement of it. The best thing to do is to keep things moving. Walk away or keep busy doing what you're doing and just ignore them. 

If you want to engage them, try glancing their way to let them know you see them (in my experience they don't give a **** and stare anyway). You can try smiling at them or nodding your head. But once you do that and they continue, just ignore it and keep things moving. There's no sense in messing up your day even further with a confrontation.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

depends if i'm feeling particularly riled up or just anxious. most of the time i'd just immediately look away or attempt to flee. if it's someone who has been hounding me with stares all day or encountered me in a hostile manner before, i'll give them a ****ing nasty eye. i'll probably walk up to them, actually, if no one else is around, and try to have a word with them. usually snarky, sometimes straight up nasty. i can be very aggressive when provoked, but never physically violent ofc.


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## Reset Button (Feb 2, 2017)

I picked smile at them because I did this to someone a few hours ago, he was just a kid, probably 15, he looked away and then back again with a blank stare. I do the blank stare back also, depends what gender or age I'm dealing with.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

I stare nastily at them in return for a seconds, become slighly agitated and/or uncomfortable, disregard that persons presence, then go on with my day.** 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*anyone shouts at me*

I shout explosively in public (inside / outside)

declaring "I never ever shouted until someone did. Now You're doing it"

everything usually does well

only trigger of bad is if we don't share the same sense of humour

always about exhibiting control over me. I can reverse it or settle it.
I'm not going anywhere until I get what I need.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

Been on the receiving end of many a judgemental look in the past, ain't no thing; the correct answer is: do nothing, go home, stew in bitter self-hatred, cry self to sleep, wake up, pick self up, dust self off, and rinse, repeat. Hope someday to grow a skin 2 metres thick, become impervious to the thoughts of others. Nothing really matters; in the long run, none of this matters, anyway.


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