# Having no relationship experience at this age



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

It feels increasingly likely I'll never find anyone, I wish I didn't care but it's one of the major things that gets to me in my lowest moments. I start thinking about it more when I drink too, but I've cut back a lot and never have enough to get drunk lately. 

I know most 30+ have at least 1 relationship and have had sex, hell even teenagers have. Someone just PM'd me on another forum in reply to struggling to develop a first relationship. He said he got lots of rejection and stand ups then got one night stands from online dating and finally a relationship which he's in now. Then ended it with, I'm 26 so if I can do it anyone can :blank. 
But what about if you're 36 or 46, more will be expected. Starting from scratch in your mid 20s would be tough enough! 

I have tried again, but it took ages to get someone genuinely interested and then the first meeting up was a disaster. Why should I even bother now trying to put myself through it all again?


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## cavemanslaststand (Jan 6, 2011)

ZeroPoint said:


> ...
> But what about if you're 36 or 46, _*more will be expected*_.
> ...


In many cases, _*less will be expected*_ since the people expecting it were probably parents, and they are/were too aging/sick/dead to expect it much further.

If you want it, you just have to keep trying while you are alive and semi-well regardless of failures.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

At least someone liked you back. That's never happened to me, and now that I'm 35, unemployable, and living with my parents, it never will.


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

You may have bad feelings about this, but you have to learn to not regret things that happened in the past. There is nothing you can do about the past and being very sad about it won't help you, I don't think. You need to become less attached to your negative thinking. Some things you can learn from the past and it will help, but often negative thinking about the past just disables us like we all know. You can't block it out I don't think, but maybe there are ways to realize its not the way things really are. 

I am 37 and I have never been in a relationship. I now realize that this is neither good or bad. For instance someone in a relationship or who has been in a relationship can be very sad or even kill themselves. I can have negative thoughts about what my lack of relationships make me, but they are not really true. Because I can still have a connection with a woman and fall in love then she won't care if I have not been with a woman before. 

If any of us fell in love with a woman or man we would not care if they had problems the same goes for other people. 

It is not easy to change but we have to start to get more realistic. Many of these type ideas of not judging come from books like Tao te ching and other type of things that I have read. And there is something good to living in a more aware state that I have felt, but it is not easy for most people to do. And I still have a long ways to go.

Falling in love is not the answer to things either. It would be nice, but as we know many people who fall in love end up being very sad some years later. And they might fall in love again at a later time and then become sad and unhappy again.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Sonnyboy said:


> If any of us fell in love with a woman or man we would not care if they had problems the same goes for other people.


What woman is going to fall in love with a guy so soon that she still doesn't know he's a virgin?


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

Mongoose said:


> What woman is going to fall in love with a guy so soon that she still doesn't know he's a virgin?


Some woman won't mind that your a virgin and some might prefer it. It should not block a woman from falling in love with you. Being a virgin is not that bad its more the negative thinking that you and others have about it that makes it seem bad.

Some woman might really like you before you have sex and be willing to be your first woman. I don't really know how fast people fall in love,but maybe it could be before you have sex, I don't know.

I think the main obstacle is the negative thinking and not the virginity. Like I said if I love someone I am not going to mind their problems,that is part of who they are and I love them. Maybe some people would think she looks ugly but if I like the way she looks then its not a problem.


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## overandunder (Sep 26, 2013)

How old are you? I'm 25, but I've never had no one ever, at all.


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## Lize4 (Sep 23, 2013)

I can relate to this. As a 29 year old woman, I feel society's pressure to get married and have kids, especially because I come from a small town where everybody gets married young.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Sonnyboy said:


> Some woman won't mind that your a virgin and some might prefer it. It should not block a woman from falling in love with you. Being a virgin is not that bad its more the negative thinking that you and others have about it that makes it seem bad.
> 
> Some woman might really like you before you have sex and be willing to be your first woman. I don't really know how fast people fall in love,but maybe it could be before you have sex, I don't know.
> 
> I think the main obstacle is the negative thinking and not the virginity. Like I said if I love someone I am not going to mind their problems,that is part of who they are and I love them. Maybe some people would think she looks ugly but if I like the way she looks then its not a problem.


That's a very nice sentiment but naïve.


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## Lize4 (Sep 23, 2013)

Mongoose it depends on the woman. I will say that there is a bigger stigma for men than woman when it comes to virginity. If I met a man who was a virgin, I would not care. I think you are being way too hard on yourself.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Lize4 said:


> Mongoose it depends on the woman. I will say that there is a bigger stigma for men than woman when it comes to virginity. If I met a man who was a virgin, I would not care. I think you are being way too hard on yourself.


Maybe women are more likely to be tolerant of virginity in Tennessee, but not here, that's for sure.


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## Lize4 (Sep 23, 2013)

Where are you from?


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

Lize4 said:


> Where are you from?


A Yankee state.


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## Lize4 (Sep 23, 2013)

I see. Yeah, down in TN it is more conservative and traditional. I don't think you would be looked down upon for being a virgin.


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

* Mongoose *

*That's a very nice sentiment but naïve.*

Yes, well these are not really my ideas. These ideas mostly come from people who have attained some sort of enlightenment. I have started to follow their ways as like you I find life to difficult to live with the type of conditioning of thought that is rampant in our society.

You can see people talking about these sort of things on you tube and there is the audio book "Tao Te Ching" on you tube also and you can see what becoming more awake is. The idea is basically that many judgments are not really true and we should not be so set in negative ideas about ourselves as they are often illusions.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I don't think it matters very much. The reasons why you haven't had a relationship are more of an issue.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I don't think it matters very much. The reasons why you haven't had a relationship are more of an issue.


Same difference. I started out shy and was self-conscious about my looks. I had a minimum wage job after college and had to live with my parents. I tried to turn my life around by going back to school, but instead, I ended up unemployed and in debt. So now I'm already 35 and worse off than before. I still can't ask a woman out because I'm broke and living with my parents.


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## zork2001 (Oct 29, 2011)

You’re a virgin because you are not confident\attractive around women. Being virgin is just the symptom of that not the problem. You can go to your local Asian massage and no longer be a virgin it is still not going to change anything for you.


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## zork2001 (Oct 29, 2011)

You’re a virgin because you are not confident\attractive around women. Being virgin is just the symptom of that, not the problem. You can go to your local Asian Massage and no longer be a virgin it is still not going to change anything for you.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

zork2001 said:


> You're a virgin because you are not confident\attractive around women. Being virgin is just the symptom of that, not the problem. You can go to your local Asian Massage and no longer be a virgin it is still not going to change anything for you.


I agree. Losing my virginity to a prostitute wouldn't make a difference because then the issue would be that I waited so long and then went to a prostitute. I'll always be back to square one. Acting confident will only get me to the first couple of dates.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Sonnyboy said:


> It should not block a woman from falling in love with you.


It's a nice thought but in my 40's and in the same boat as the rest of you in this thread, I have to disagree. I've fallen in love like 4 times in my life. And it made no difference if they knew it or not. (now they are all married or with someone else , someone they chose to be in love with); I was friendly with a lady in her 40's and now just last week found out she's on vacation with her new bf. And I was heartbroken again first time in over a decade. This was about the worst because it makes me want to give up on my life. Currently "picking up the pieces". ]



ZeroPoint said:


> Why should I even bother now trying to put myself through it all again?


 Exactly. The worst part is, the "chance of a lifetime" is wasted on a lady one may really like because of inexperience , it's ruined forever. When in a another life, it could certainly be possible the ruined "courting" was with a very compatible soul mate.

It's not about love or because of love, it's a competition no matter what the "civilized" world says. And the lowest on the totem pole are not going to be attractive even if one lives for a thousand years.


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## Overthinker80 (Jun 19, 2013)

I disagree that it's not possible or even highly unlikely one could have their first relationship in their 30s, 40s, or even later.

I won't deny that inexperience could provide a whole lot of problems and make things more difficult, but the more you have going for you the better your chances of success, and that doesn't only mean looks, money and status it also means attitude and outlook.

All it takes is finding ONE single person you like who likes you back.

With the overwhelming number of people in the world the odds are VERY strongly against you failing if you REALLY put yourself out there.

The reasons WHY one hasn't had a relationship MIGHT make it harder, but that all depends on what they are, who the other person is and whether or not you have overcome any of those problems or are working towards it.

I think we can probably all agree that outlook and self confidence play a HUGE factor.

Two people of the same age, same looks and same background, neither has ever had a relationship but one has given up hope and the other thinks things just haven't gone his way so far but knows why, isn't giving up and keeps working on himself:

Which one gets a relationship first?

Or do they both stay single forever?

If the person who gives up locks himself in a closet he might be single forever, otherwise both probably find someone sooner or later and no question that the optimistic one finds someone sooner.

Therefore, work on your opinion of yourself and it can only help.


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

ils25r said:


> It's a nice thought but in my 40's and in the same boat as the rest of you in this thread, I have to disagree. I've fallen in love like 4 times in my life. And it made no difference if they knew it or not. (now they are all married or with someone else , someone they chose to be in love with); I was friendly with a lady in her 40's and now just last week found out she's on vacation with her new bf. And I was heartbroken again first time in over a decade. This was about the worst because it makes me want to give up on my life. Currently "picking up the pieces". ]
> 
> Exactly. The worst part is, the "chance of a lifetime" is wasted on a lady one may really like because of inexperience , it's ruined forever. When in a another life, it could certainly be possible the ruined "courting" was with a very compatible soul mate.
> 
> It's not about love or because of love, it's a competition no matter what the "civilized" world says. And the lowest on the totem pole are not going to be attractive even if one lives for a thousand years.


I think its ok to not try and fall in love with woman. Always yearning for woman is really not a good way to live, its horrible.I think its possible for a older virgin to fall in love though. I myself am not trying to fall in love either I am more trying to give up on my ego . I am open to the idea that I could still fall in love with a woman, but I am not really trying to fall in love with a woman. I have everything I need.

I am sorry to here you have broken your heart, I know the feeling.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm 38 and have zero real life experience with women...not even a first kiss. I spent over half my life trying only to be rejected and crushed every single time. I'm just so broken inside I have no hope or motivation left to even try anymore because I've been hurt so many times.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

> You're a virgin because you are not confident\attractive around women. Being virgin is just the symptom of that not the problem. You can go to your local Asian massage and no longer be a virgin it is still not going to change anything for you.


Oh please, these places aren't like Burger Kings :no, you have to be "in the know" to find out where they are and what all services they provide.. and then there's the money factor and the legality risks..


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I don't think it matters very much. The reasons why you haven't had a relationship are more of an issue.


Care to elaborate, Komorikun?

What are the acceptable reasons vs. the unacceptable ones?


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Here's the case about George Soldini. He had also gone to a PUA seminar by R.Don Steel and studied and talked about that book. "How to date young women for men over 35". 
But his case was still social phobia and anxiety. Links:

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/08/why_did_george_sodini_shoot_wo.html#c005017

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/08/why_did_george_sodini_shoot_wo.html#c005010

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/08/why_did_george_sodini_shoot_wo.html

The article also mentions social anxiety may be a form of some kind of autism. (I never
really understood what autism is anyways, except something one is born with and so a lifelong crippling effect)


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Overthinker80 said:


> Therefore, work on your opinion of yourself and it can only help.


It may not help in the end, but I agree the best productive thing for those of us in this horrid life situation is to keep on working on something that can be worked on within one's capabilities. Better to have died having tried, success or not.



Sonnyboy said:


> I am sorry to here you have broken your heart, I know the feeling.


Thanks very much. I hadn't been in love for years, but it happened again. It's a wake up call for me. It feels like it could be a funeral. Mourn for the future that will never be now, then continue to improve oneself to maybe have a chance in the future.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Lonelyguy said:


> I'm 38 and have zero real life experience with women...not even a first kiss. I spent over half my life trying only to be rejected and crushed every single time. I'm just so broken inside I have no hope or motivation left to even try anymore because I've been hurt so many times.


Sorry to hear this. I was the same at your age , still am now. Unfortunately it may be the social anxiety needs to be fixed first or the dating skills still won't work. Or the skills work and "fool" the date, but then they find out about the SA anyways real quick then t could be all over in an awful way. I wish there was also an industry teaching people how to be social effectively just like they have all these ads for dating skill training and PUA skills.

But maybe that will never happen. Powerful social skills seems to be secretive just like money and business secrets. The 1% never want to share, they just want it all.


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## hammerfast (Mar 8, 2012)

i'm 30 and I've never had relationships yet


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## BadGirl (Jan 6, 2013)

hammerfast said:


> i'm 30 and I've never had relationships yet


Sad,


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Dane said:


> Care to elaborate, Komorikun?
> 
> What are the acceptable reasons vs. the unacceptable ones?


I don't know. Give me examples.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Overthinker80 said:


> I disagree that it's not possible or even highly unlikely one could have their first relationship in their 30s, 40s, or even later.
> 
> I won't deny that inexperience could provide a whole lot of problems and make things more difficult, but the more you have going for you the better your chances of success, and that doesn't only mean looks, money and status it also means attitude and outlook.
> 
> ...


Well said.


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## LoungeFly (Jun 25, 2011)

Female, 35, I've had a couple dates, but my anxiety always makes me run. I'm a virgin, it's whatever at this point. I know I'm not terrible looking, and that I have a kind heart, and want a relationship, but when the idea of dating comes into play, or I get asked out, I get full on panic mode. I get dizzy, break out in a cold sweat, and feel overall sick and like I'm going to pass out. 

I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive. 

I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


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## Mongoose (Oct 26, 2012)

The idea that "it depends on the reason" is hardly reassuring. The reason is always bad as far as people are concerned.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

LoungeFly said:


> Female, 35, I've had a couple dates, but my anxiety always makes me run. I'm a virgin, it's whatever at this point. I know I'm not terrible looking, and that I have a kind heart, and want a relationship, but when the idea of dating comes into play, or I get asked out, I get full on panic mode. I get dizzy, break out in a cold sweat, and feel overall sick and like I'm going to pass out.
> 
> I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive.
> 
> I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


I wish we could hang out, just as friends. I wish I knew women in my area who had SA to compare notes.


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

Mongoose said:


> The idea that "it depends on the reason" is hardly reassuring. The reason is always bad as far as people are concerned.


I see and know lots of people who don't have much money, are not conventionally good looking and are not particularly smart in what seem to be good relationships. Of course we have sa and other related mental problems, but maybe we can get better.

I am in the same situation in you in some ways and I don't want to think that it is impossible for me to one day have a partner.

I think we should be content to be on our own also and not wishing for things, but I would not totally close the door on something like this. I think its good to focus on other things in our lives though. If we never have a partner we should still be able to be content.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I'm quite the loser, and never have had the relationship. That said, I'm very charming and good looking, with a muscular body and relentless sexual drive.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

It's gotten to.the point where I simply don't see it happening. Oh well, more freedom I guess...


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## LoungeFly (Jun 25, 2011)

hypestyle said:


> I wish we could hang out, just as friends. I wish I knew women in my area who had SA to compare notes.


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## Gizamalukeix (Sep 16, 2012)

LoungeFly said:


> Female, 35, I've had a couple dates, but my anxiety always makes me run. I'm a virgin, it's whatever at this point. I know I'm not terrible looking, and that I have a kind heart, and want a relationship, but when the idea of dating comes into play, or I get asked out, I get full on panic mode. I get dizzy, break out in a cold sweat, and feel overall sick and like I'm going to pass out.
> 
> I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive.
> 
> I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


I suffer from most of these things too except I haven't been on a date before. I don't like the idea of dating sites as I feel like I'm trying too hard. I'd rather it happen more naturally than go looking for a girl; I never liked that. LoungeFly, I don't know if this helps but I think if you do find out what makes you feel anxious and think about why you're nervous in certain situations then you'll have a much better chance of overcoming it. I wish you the best of luck, though.


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

LoungeFly said:


> I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive.
> 
> I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


Have you tried using self-help books written for people with SAD? That might help without going to therapy. Many of those books also discuss common causes of SAD. In most cases, the origins of SAD has more to do with what our parents did and less to do with what we did.


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## LoungeFly (Jun 25, 2011)

Gizamalukeix said:


> I suffer from most of these things too except I haven't been on a date before. I don't like the idea of dating sites as I feel like I'm trying too hard. I'd rather it happen more naturally than go looking for a girl; I never liked that. LoungeFly, I don't know if this helps but I think if you do find out what makes you feel anxious and think about why you're nervous in certain situations then you'll have a much better chance of overcoming it. I wish you the best of luck, though.


Thank you. I'm not sure what the root cause is of why I get so nervous. Hopefully something I can find out though.



Morpheus said:


> Have you tried using self-help books written for people with SAD? That might help without going to therapy. Many of those books also discuss common causes of SAD. In most cases, the origins of SAD has more to do with what our parents did and less to do with what we did.


I honestly don't think my parents did anything. I'm the oldest of 3. My younger brother and sister are both married with kids. My parents were great. I was always shy and quiet though. Always, and the older I got, the worst the SA got, and the nervousness got with relationship stuff. Like dizzy, feeling like I'm gonna throw up nerves. And I'm now at the point that I can't help but wonder if guys my age would't want me cause of how "far behind" I've fallen from my peers.

I also haven't tried self help books for SAD. Have any that you may of found helpful?


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## Martindn (Oct 14, 2013)

I have a question, this may or may not be taken out of context and is likely in the wrong topic, but where do you feel you guys went wrong? Lack of confidence? Or was it fear of rejection that prevented you from approaching the opposite sex? I want to understand my own problems.

Im 22 and a virgin, i have had quite a few chances during highschool with girls that are friends or on a night out i just either ignored them or i just did not approach girls. I dont know what it is but i never found sex to be something important maybe i just dont have that specific gene, friends have asked in the past why i dont put more effort in and i could never give a meaningful reason. If i had to guess it would be a mix of not caring about it, SAD and of my looks...i dont know, i would not say im ugly but im very self conscious.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

ZeroPoint said:


> It feels increasingly likely I'll never find anyone, I wish I didn't care but it's one of the major things that gets to me in my lowest moments. I start thinking about it more when I drink too, but I've cut back a lot and never have enough to get drunk lately.
> 
> I know most 30+ have at least 1 relationship and have had sex, hell even teenagers have. Someone just PM'd me on another forum in reply to struggling to develop a first relationship. He said he got lots of rejection and stand ups then got one night stands from on line dating and finally a relationship which he's in now. Then ended it with, I'm 26 so if I can do it anyone can :blank.
> But what about if you're 36 or 46, more will be expected. Starting from scratch in your mid 20s would be tough enough!
> ...


I know exactly how you feel. I will be 35 next week and I have never had a relationship. The only time I ever had sex it was forced. So obviously I have had issues in the past and still do. But as you said I do find myself wanting to have a relationship and wanting to have sex, my only problem is trusting a man enough to let him get that close.


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

LoungeFly said:


> I also haven't tried self help books for SAD. Have any that you may of found helpful?


I found the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne helpful.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

Morpheus said:


> I found the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne helpful.


what is helpful about that book? how much of it deals with SAS?


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## Morpheus (May 26, 2006)

hypestyle said:


> what is helpful about that book? how much of it deals with SAS?


I found the parts discussing ways to reduce anxiety helpful. The chapters on self-talk, relaxation, desensitization, mistaken beliefs, etc. The majority of it is applicable to all anxiety disorders, including SAD. SAD is the only anxiety disorder I have, and it wouldn't have helped me if it didn't address SAD.


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## Sonnyboy (Dec 8, 2011)

Martindn said:


> I have a question, this may or may not be taken out of context and is likely in the wrong topic, but where do you feel you guys went wrong? Lack of confidence? Or was it fear of rejection that prevented you from approaching the opposite sex? I want to understand my own problems.
> 
> Im 22 and a virgin, i have had quite a few chances during highschool with girls that are friends or on a night out i just either ignored them or i just did not approach girls. I dont know what it is but i never found sex to be something important maybe i just dont have that specific gene, friends have asked in the past why i dont put more effort in and i could never give a meaningful reason. If i had to guess it would be a mix of not caring about it, SAD and of my looks...i dont know, i would not say im ugly but im very self conscious.


My problem was thinking woman would not like me. If you think woman don't like you, you will not get very involved with them. I think this came from having negative thoughts about myself.


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## lesedwards (Oct 7, 2013)

Try online


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

It's still a joke for me when I try to go out for a date (if I actually make it out of the home on one) Having to "fight" to pay for all the dinner or drinks or whatnot before the female starts to try to show it's just "friendlY' and dutch. Then the woman I'm with starts trying to treat me like a little kid, or like she's my mom. Or the worst case, acting totally bored.

It's like the same question. "Have you been on a date before?" "When was your last gf?"
How about answering "I've been on 10 screwed up dates in my life now counting this one." or. "yes, I've never had a real gf. You can call a taxi now/or I'll take you home" <grumble>


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

AK32 said:


> I know exactly how you feel. I will be 35 next week and I have never had a relationship. The only time I ever had sex it was forced. So obviously I have had issues in the past and still do. But as you said I do find myself wanting to have a relationship and wanting to have sex, my only problem is trusting a man enough to let him get that close.


Forgive my random thoughts. And sorry for your experience before I go on. 
Trusting exactly what? that they won't leave soon after they got close? There are many guys in the SA camp who want a stable relationship but they will never be "chosen".

Well it's not just that, I find it increasingly sickening in society, that most guys who are successful with women are still players. How often playing until 5 years, 10 years? before the next divorce etc? How can anything be counted stable in this day and age anymore. They hide their real thoughts of insecurity when SA guys don't or can't so they get offed early in the dating game and never make it to round 26 or whatever. It's all become a stupid game.

This society has no qualms about leaving SA guys behind in life that they are still lost trying to have their first relationship or even sex 20 years or decades after they've outgrown their teens and just labeled "losers".
In fact the society still wants some "losers" around so they can be laughed at and stepped over to make others feel better about themselves. It's just sickening and delirious.

Anyways, I'm in a mood. should I delete this post.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

LoungeFly said:


> Female, 35, I've had a couple dates, but my anxiety always makes me run. I'm a virgin, it's whatever at this point. I know I'm not terrible looking, and that I have a kind heart, and want a relationship, but when the idea of dating comes into play, or I get asked out, I get full on panic mode. I get dizzy, break out in a cold sweat, and feel overall sick and like I'm going to pass out.
> 
> I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive.
> 
> I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


I'm curious. Have you had a crush on a guy before. That you wanted to actually go on a date with but had too much of the panic and fear from the SA ruin the chance?

I still feel similar anxiety when going on a date or pseudodate with a female. Either I lazily give up and let it just become a "friendly" outing knowing I gave up completely on the original goal ( and hating myself
for it later). , or the anxiety turns into a severe embarrassing situation for myself and then another set of bad memories I rather not think about
but depresses me again when I have to remember it.

Trying to be more "pyschiatric" here as opposed to my last posts just prior. A controlled mood shift. But hope there was something worth discussing I may have brought up.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

so what have therapists suggested for ways to address lack-of-romantic-history anxiety?


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## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

hypestyle said:


> so what have therapists suggested for ways to address lack-of-romantic-history anxiety?


My therapist just laughed it off and said it doesn't really matter basically, even though she understood it made me feel worse. Just said, well go out more, join a sports club and talk to women. Yes OK. :|


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## wvbry (May 17, 2014)

LoungeFly said:


> Female, 35, I've had a couple dates, but my anxiety always makes me run. I'm a virgin, it's whatever at this point. I know I'm not terrible looking, and that I have a kind heart, and want a relationship, but when the idea of dating comes into play, or I get asked out, I get full on panic mode. I get dizzy, break out in a cold sweat, and feel overall sick and like I'm going to pass out.
> 
> I wish I knew how to change this without therapy, cause that's expensive.
> 
> I also wish I knew what I did to have anxiety about this so badly.


I do the exact same thing - I even refer to it as panic mode! I had a date a couple of weeks ago and barely slept the night before because I was so nervous. Then all day before the date I was sick at my stomach. The date itself wasn't a complete disaster, but I felt so upset after because of the way I reacted beforehand that I actually cried. I also haven't heard from the guy again - so of course I am sure that it was my fault...whether it was or not :/


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

AceP said:


> My therapist just laughed it off and said it doesn't really matter basically, even though she understood it made me feel worse. Just said, well go out more, join a sports club and talk to women. Yes OK.


that's horrible advice. They just laughed. That's not nice at all. :mum


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