# 1 Week SA Free - Amazing Self Realizations & Insight



## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Man let me say this - This is ABSOLUTELY the best I have ever felt in years. INCREDIBLE! I have been in a major party and social mood since last week Tuesday, December 4th when I had the ultimate breakthrough with SA. I have like major euphoria no anxiety since December 4th, I feel like I can do anything, easily get a girlfriend, talk to anyone, do anything I want, its amazing. I conquered my 4 top fears, all in one session, with no anxiety on December 4th. Its somewhat of an interesting occurence, i'll explain below.. These breakthrough's that I could never get over before no matter how hard I tried - But I blew them away on December 4th. It has had such a drastic effect on my prior SA its amazing - it's had me cured for the past week, and I think i'm staying this way because of constant reinforcement.

Basically - Heres what happened. On December 1st, my aunts sister (my aunts sister and her husband) were killed in a car crash because of poor weather in Michigan that day. I didnt know them (I know my aunt of course), but nonetheless, I knew a funeral home/funeral was coming up. I was basically saying 'Oh god, family get-togethers is like a #9/10 out of my worst fears'. I was already 5 weeks into CBT and I only conquered my #5 fear (moving up the charts from least fears to most fears). #6 was in another week. I was really worried, skipping from a #5 to a #9 may cause a major letdown if SA conquers like usual.

I had a choice to make. It was Sunday, December 2nd. The funeral home was Tues/Wed that week. The right thing was to go for my aunt and my cousins, and be there for them. But I was so worried about SA occuring with so many family members there - it was like a worst case scenario. I wasnt sure what to do. I remembered what I read in David Burns book ' When Panic Attacks ' - to endure the situation with anxiety. I also remembered a phrase from a movie I had just watched (A Beautiful Mind), where Russell Crowe had mentioned something to the effect of 'My success at failure gives me the greatest chance at success'.

I decided, hell, i'd go I guess. UGH. I'm supposed to go to a #6 this week on my CBT hierarchy chart, not a #9. Tuesday night came. I wasnt anxious, until about 10 minutes from the funeral home, thinking of everyone being there. Oh geez. Because I have CBT going for me, it wasnt as anxious as I would be say 6 months ago. Out of a 1-10 scale, 10 being the worst, this once #9 (before CBT) was more like a #4-5 now. We pulled up to the funeral home and I was still anxious. we went inside, first person I met was one of my cousins. My anxiety disappeared after I greeted her - from a #4-5 to a #0 basically instantly. I had no idea what that was about!

Anyways, skip ahead 20 minutes. I was in the lounge, and talking to my cousin and her boyfriend. Talking to them I self-realized that I wasnt anxious and was easily speaking and keeping a conversation going with ease. I was amazed I had social skills, I recall thinking 'Wow I can really do this!'. In the past, anyone from my family would cause me a great deal of anxiety (almost like panic attacks). My other cousin and his wife joined in. Their friend stopped by and they introduced me to him. 

I had an audience of 4 now and we were all chatting together, laughing and having a good time. Mentally I would catch myself every 10 minutes realizing I WASNT anxious. I was so 'sly' and smooth with my conversations it was amazing. I had 4 people in front of me looking at me while I was chatting (I was on a chair they were on two couches). So it was like a Family-Get Together (which SA always caused me a huge deal of anxiety with), plus a little public speaking in a way.

Get this, so another young guy and his girlfriend (my age) come by and introduce themselves to me. So i'm also meeting new people - Dude, what is going on! These are all prior top-anxiety situations for me. New people, introducing myself to people, talking to people I dont know, or I do know, geez! We were 6 people (all in our 20's) chatting. I talked quite often with everyone looking at me while I talked (now 6 people!).

Meanwhile more people during the funeral home funnelled into the lounge. Some my cousins knew, and they introduced me to yet MORE people. My cousins boyfriend introduced me to his mother...then more of their friends. I probably met 10 new people there. 

Everytime - Anxiety free. What a miracle. Maybe it was divine intervention combined with CBT, plus tons of self insight therapy the 6 weeks prior. I felt I had the tools to accomplish what I needed to get done and I did it. What timing for a funeral, plus what an outcome. The funeral was a sad situation, yes, but i'll never forget this funeral. Maybe it was powers from above? I dont know.

I actually conquered #6, #7, #8, #9 and some #10 on my fear hierarchy charts - all worst fears. All were social situations that I previously had tons of anxiety with. Ever since that day, Tuesday, December 4th, I have lost all of my fears. Basically by conquering my top fears all in one setting, I blew everything else out of the water. Nothing else could be worst than that. The worst has happened, and it wasnt bad at all, it was awesome! It totally flipped several of my beliefs.

The funeral home was closing and I didnt want to say goodbye! In the past I couldn't wait to go home from social gatherings. I wanted to keep talking and having a good time. 

I honestly feel like its gone - I feel like a different person even - Almost like I was 'possessed' (with SA, I guess you could say, lol) or something before, and now whatever was in me is gone. I feel back to my self like I was in 10th grade and prior in high school.

Hopefully I can share some things with you all that may help you in the process. I could probably write a book on everything I had to do to get over this mess so i'll try to emphasize the key points. My story (probably 1/20th of it, like I said I could probably endlessly write about everything), i'll write below.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Key points about SA and what i've learned:

1. Overcoming SA requires a lot of time and work - What you put in, is what you get out.

2. Motivation to overcome SA - This is KEY! You have to want to overcome SA to overcome it! And you have to BELIEVE you can overcome it!

2. Tons of time involved. Again, what you put in is what you get out. I wrote pages and pages of journals and self realizations, hierarchy's, sensations, affirmations, cost-benefit analysis's, distortions and much more. I'm about 7 weeks into CBT and i've probably hand written about 30 full pages into a journal,listened to my psychologists CBT cd's for hours and hours, did my 'behavioral' aspects every time, that and more. Its a hell of a lot of work, almost like a project. For the most part, some of it is pretty boring, and much of it is insight therapy.

3. Realization that SA affects you and your life more than you know - My insight therapy and CBT helped me realize that, once believed 'Nah, I dont like parties', was actually believed because of SA. However, I would rationalize these "non-interests" as being just that, Non-Interests, with nothing to do with SA. But in reality, they had EVERYTHING to do with SA. I just didnt want to believe it. Now virtually SA free, I WANT to go to parties, clubs, meet people, talk on the phone, talk to girls. Many of these situations I used to believe 'I just am not interested in those things'. In reality, deep down, I was interested, but wasnt interested because subconciously I knew SA would be a problem in those situations. I just didnt want to believe it - so I rationlized it as just something I just wasnt interested in.

4. People are nicer and less judgemental than they really are, or I onced believed.

5. The situations I believed to be threatening were totally stupid and irrational - But it took writting this down and deep insight therapy to understand that, along with CBT and exposure therapy.

6. I used to believe I didnt have decent social skills, hence I had SA. This self distortion I realized was completely untrue. On December 4th the nail in the coffin sealed the deal on this. I have awesome social skills that my self distortions and SA burried away.

7. Reinforcement - Keep self exposing yourself. Go to the stores and interact, even if you have no interest to. One of my fears was interacting with cashiers at checkout lines. With the cognitive skills taught during CBT I felt I was prepared before every exposure, so for example, I went to 2 stores twice each in 1 week, buying 1 thing everytime, just to expose myself. Go over and beyond. My psychologist only asked me to go once - I went 4 times. I did everything feasible I could more than twice for each fear, despite being asked only once by my psychologist. Again, the more you put in, the more you get out. My psychologist had mentioned most people only do what they're asked (1 situation).

8. Easy way to boost your confidence? Boost your appearance. I really did - I looked sharp whenever I did my exposure therapy. It increased confidence in those situations - Thereby decreasing anxiety, which helped in identifying that the fear in the situation was irrational.

9. Whatever helps you - DO IT! I cant speak for drugs because i've never taken any, but I will say, sometimes i'd pop a St. Johns Wort pill before some of these situations (not all situations, though - by the way, I only recently started those, without my psychologists knowledge). Whether it works or not I dont know, hard to tell. Nonetheless, whatever you need to trick your mind into believing there is NO threat in the situation, and to not have anxiety, DO IT! 

10. After all of this, you'd be surprised, but if you come off as charismatic and somewhat outspoken after your shell slowly opens up, people will also open up and talk to *YOU*. I was at a store (few weeks after conquering my checkout-line anxiety), checking out, and a lady randomly started to talk to me about the sales in the paper I was holding, probably because I came off as relaxed and calm (plus, I looked nice, again, dressed to impress, LOL - whatever works).

There is probably much more that I cant think of right now.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Uplifting story. I've had similar experiences but they've only lasted at best a day or so. I'm a better person for them but sometimes you have to learn something more than once, you know? Hope you can ride this amazing week to a completely new, permanent life.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

The 'Fallout Effect' - After Conquering SA

- If you create a hierarchy chart and accomplish and conquer each step, from least-anxiety situation to most anxiety situation, you'll start to realize that everything else really isnt 'as scary' as you once thought. As you move up in the chart, everything kind of decreases in anxiety. Thats how you know CBT is working.

- Since December 4th, I feel like such a different person, its amazing. Even when i'm out and about I feel like i'm myself, not self-concious like I once was. I am so hyped and pumped up and motivated. Accomplishing SA helps you realize that you can just about accomplish anything. I would love to meet new people, interact, go out, talk to girls, get a girlfriend, go to clubs, parties, movies, whatever. In fact, the past week i've been thinking about going back to College - TO PARTY! Yeah, some schoolwork, but not so hardcore student like I was in college. I'd still want to maintain my grades, but I want to meet a bunch of people now, go out, and have fun. I missed out on so much and I want to experience that now.

I would love nothing more right now than to be out with some friends. I'd never say that before. Of course, I have to make some local friends first (have none locally - because of prior SA, haha). I want so much more than ever now - In fact i'm already, erm, on the 'lookout' for a girlfriend  I havent really accomplished THAT goal yet. But accomplishing SA has given me so much courage to do anything - I feel like asking a girl out is a walk in the park compared to what i've done. Just apply the same techniques of CBT to that situation, and it should work, just like everything else 

I dont know where to start right now, meeting friends, going out, doing things, I live in a rural area so its somewhat tough. Another goal to work through, but it can be done.

So anyways, its 4am, radio blasting (has been for 4hrs already  ), time to grab a beer, chill, enjoy my new life, and think about what to do with my newfound freedom.

CHEERS!


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

SADFighter said:


> Hope you can ride this amazing week to a completely new, permanent life.


Thanks! It's been a week already and i'm still riding smooth 

I'm certain it'll last (or god forbid I at least hope so, LOL). I can just feel it inside, its like its gone. Its weird. Even the way I act in public is different, I act like myself and different than I did before my self-concious ways. All the fears from #1-#5 that I conquered before December 4th have lasted (such as #1 and thats been a month and a half almost) so by blowing out #6-#10 on December 4th i've basically swept the board clean. I just hope I dont have some kind of traumatic accident and forget that day or my accomplishments so far :lol


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

SADFighter said:


> I've had similar experiences but they've only lasted at best a day or so.


Before going through CBT at all I would sometimes have those days too - they were awesome! But when i'd wake up the next day its almost like I had a system reboot and i'd be back to my SA ways. Have you tried going through CBT?

Awesome book to get, almost like CBT combined in a book, is 'When Panic Attacks' by David Burns, that helped me a ton. And I dont even like to read books, but I read about 1/3rd of the book and it held tremendously. But in many ways I still need someone (a human) in person to tell me what I need to do so I still go to the CBT sessions (in fact I have one this Thursday - have to keep reinforcing) - But the book definitely helped reinforce a lot of CBT and teach me several examples and aspects in order to conquer virtually any fear really.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

I did the Dr. Richards CBT tapes a few months back. It was more focused on the cognitive side though or at least I never put in enough effort with the behavioral suggestions, specifically related to approaching one's fears in a hierarchical way. The problem, IMO, is that his route highly emphasized social anxiety behavioral groups. Being a starving college student, I am not about to fork over 500 bucks for his behavioral group and I can't find one in my area. That said, I meditate daily, do video feedback experiments on my own, keep a video journal that applies rational-emotive therapy, play basketball,--everything under the sun except specifically the hierarchy. Don't get me wrong, things have changed...I bought a car with own money, have the intership of my dreams and even engaged in the dreaded relationship process. On some level, though, I guess it just feels like I'm still going against my nature. The thought of asking a girl out still frightens me, even though I've gotten beyond those stages and learned that I can actually be a good partner and that pretty girls are human too. Cognitively I know that. But it isn't sticking completely and I don't know why. 

Anyway, I'm hijacking your thread. :afr I'll try to go back and do what you suggested with a hierarchy. Congrats again.


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## NewDayRising (Jul 8, 2006)

Thanks for the inspiring post!


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

Congrats!


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

Thank you for an inspiring post. You will make it as you are determined to overcome SA. You are right; your desire is the key. You may have bad days. So what? 

I bought the book When Panic Attacks by David Burns. I followed his therapy of maintaining a Daily Mood Log. In a month of faithfully maintaining this log, my SA fell noticeably. Now I just write my moods in my journals instead of the log. My severe SA is now mild. In fact, I volunteered to facilitate meetings at work next week. Something I would never do.

Congrats!


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

I don't know what to say but your story is quite unique and interesting. 

Huh, anyway congratulations and like what SADFighter said, "keep riding!"

Best wishes,
Gerard


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Hi all,

Sorry for responding a bit late here. The night after I wrote that, I woke up the next morning with a major sore throat with major body aches, must have been some kind of virus or something. Nonetheless i've felt like crap since Wednesday morning but I feel a lot better tonight.

Anyhow, I saw my psychologist today. He doesnt know I post here, hehe. But he emphasized that to keep reinforcing exposure is key. He really didnt know what to say after everything because we were supposed to be moving steadily up the hierarchy chart, but it all kind of exploded and now we're both unsure of what to do next, lol. Basically he told me 'Hmm okay, well, just go to some more stores and shop around, keep getting more exposure to the situations you can go and do'. He also said 'The walls really expanded especially after last week Tuesday (December 4th) but many times they will slowly close in again if you dont practice exposure enough and you can slowly fall back into habitual SA activities and sometimes not even recognize/know it. '

Nonetheless it'll be a work in progress for quite some time I think. All of this is probably comparable to coming off a drug addiction or something. Keep taking some 'anti drug pills' (exposure) to rid yourself of your desire (habitual avoidance) need for irrational drugs (comfort/safety/SA!). So if you lay off the remedy, you may catch what you originally had. Makes sense anyways. 

It's sometimes hard (and funny) to go to stores for no reason but to go and do the situation. If only the people knew what I was there for, haha. 'Do you need help finding anything sir?' 'Nope, i'm here for nothing but to be here, thanks', or, 'Alright, bye - I'm going to the store to look for nothing, be back in 20 mins' 

I went to one last night actually because that was part of my exposure 'homework'. Had no interest in going at all because I didnt want anything, but I went just to walk in and walk around to accomplish the situation. Nonetheless its a walk in the park now with 0 anxiety.

My psychologist stressed to keep going to all of these situations as much as possible, even if I dont at all feel like going. Some situations are hard to 'schedule' or endure all the time (such as family get togethers - I really cant make that happen), or some other scenarios. But the ones you can make happen its important to do so.

I also feel really 'loose' spirited, I guess you could say. In the past I used to be pretty self concious of how I acted, walked, talked, everything in situations. Now it doesnt even cross my mind. My psychologist and I really went over a lot of my self-distortions (ridiculous beliefs), and everytime he acted them out or said them out loud, and I bursted out laughing at how stupid my beliefs were, LOL. It was hilarious to see my irrational beliefs/thoughts played out - all were very comical. Its part of the cognitive aspect to recognize that, though, and it helps to laugh at what you so believed in, but once you see the flipside acted by someone else, you find your own irrational beliefs to be ridiculous and hilarious 

Honestly I think all those self-help programs are great for reducing SA, but if you really want to eradicate it completely, the self-help materials plus CBT really gives you the best shot. Everyone is independent though and some people benefit one way and not the other, so whatever works for you really. Part of what really helped me was having someone *OTHER* than my immediate family (parents/siblings) tell me what I needed to be told. I guess we dismiss our family as 'just being nice', or whatever, while we value other people's opinions of whom we truly dont know. My family could tell all day long how irrational a thought was, and even make jokes about it in a non-offensive way, but I still probably wouldn't listen unless I had some 3rd party person do the same (ie: my psychologist).

The psychologist-part I also think makes you feel like you have a 'sidekick' in a way, and support beacon. Someone who'll tell you the truth, straight up, other than your family, you know? 

When my psychologist and I were discussing my fear of checkout lines (this was way back on session /fear #2 or so), i'll never forget what he said after I rambled on about 'Well I dont want to be a pain in the *** customer, so I prefer to go through self checkouts'. 'Yeah but if I have 2 items, why go through the checkout line, and not self checkout? People behind me will get angry'.

His response:

'**** THEM!' Haha. I loved that. Of course thats not what he said for all scenarios, but some of them, LOL. Its the truth though and it needs to be said by someone i'll believe it from. I dont know what it is exactly, but when I hear that from someone other than family members/friends or whomever, I believe it.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

SADFighter said:


> The thought of asking a girl out still frightens me, even though I've gotten beyond those stages and learned that I can actually be a good partner and that pretty girls are human too. Cognitively I know that. But it isn't sticking completely and I don't know why.
> 
> Anyway, I'm hijacking your thread. :afr I'll try to go back and do what you suggested with a hierarchy. Congrats again.


Hijackers are welcomed in this thread :lol

I think i've heard of the Dr. Richards tapes or what not before, rings a bell, though nonetheless the behavioral aspect I think is probably the most important. You could learn all day about how irrational thoughts are and learn the cognitive portions of all the scenarios, but if you dont do them...ehm, your just back where you started I think.

But I understand the $$$ issue too, thats an issue of everyones (even myself), its hard, yeah. A lot of times its hard to find self-motivation to do the behavioral aspects, or all the writing involved. I think what motivates me the most is knowing someone is there with me, listening to me, listening to my accomplishments, praising, guiding, etc. (that'd be the psychologist). I almost feel like I have to live up to his expectations (being I need to get over SA), which is fine by me 

As far as asking a girl out, I recognized that virtually every guy has that fear, the only difference is that guys with SA think they have that fear because of SA, not because its natural. On that December 4th funeral home ordeal, there were some pretty hot young 20 year olds in there, and I was feeling ultra confident and all (I wouldn't try anything in a funeral home, eww, not the right scene, lol) But even with no SA, and place myself outside of a funeral home that night, and into a nightclub, say, with the same confidence, i'd still be sketchy walking up to a girl. Its unfamiliar terrain, really. I recognized that when I was there, that even with no anxiety, I was still sketchy/second guessing approaching any girls to chat (I didnt cause I was engaged with family members/cousins anyways).

I think the natural response is to be weary/nervous, until you get the hang/jist of it, with anything really. Then it'll be come second nature (experience and all - which'll be ever-increasing). Taking the first step is the hardest of course, believe me man thats something I have to work on myself, and I totally get now that much of the blame lies within myself, not SA like I always believed.


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## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

tomcoldaba said:


> Thank you for an inspiring post. You will make it as you are determined to overcome SA. You are right; your desire is the key. You may have bad days. So what?
> 
> I bought the book When Panic Attacks by David Burns. I followed his therapy of maintaining a Daily Mood Log. In a month of faithfully maintaining this log, my SA fell noticeably. Now I just write my moods in my journals instead of the log. My severe SA is now mild. In fact, I volunteered to facilitate meetings at work next week. Something I would never do.
> 
> Congrats!


Thanks! 

I havent done the daily mood logs but I do the journals. My journals somewhat include a description of my mood and overall anxiety for the day though. The SA definitely starts to drop especially after you start doing a lot of insight (which is basically what the journals are).

Thats awesome that you volunteered for the meetings (great exposure!), congrats! I'm sure it'll go well for you especially with the progress you've made so far. Keep up the great work! 

Good luck!

:boogie


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## tomcoldaba (Jul 1, 2007)

aviator99 said:


> Anyhow, I saw my psychologist today. He doesnt know I post here, hehe. But he emphasized that to keep reinforcing exposure is key. He really didnt know what to say after everything because we were supposed to be moving steadily up the hierarchy chart, but it all kind of exploded and now we're both unsure of what to do next, lol. Basically he told me 'Hmm okay, well, just go to some more stores and shop around, keep getting more exposure to the situations you can go and do'. He also said 'The walls really expanded especially after last week Tuesday (December 4th) but many times they will slowly close in again if you dont practice exposure enough and you can slowly fall back into habitual SA activities and sometimes not even recognize/know it. '


To get the same exposure join a book club, toastmaster club or any other social organization in your neighborhood. I joined 3 toastmaster clubs in October. Each club meets 2 a month. I gave 5 speeches. I was shocked when I volunteered to facilitate meetings. Amazing.

Good Luck


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## Blackhole105 (Nov 28, 2007)

what does CBT stand for exactly, and I agree; whenever I force myself to do something or go somewhere I feel a lot better afterwards!


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## sadguy (Aug 25, 2007)

Thank you, aviator99, you are inspiring. I hope I can do what you have done.


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