# Advice for a dude with SA getting back into the dating scene ?



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Any advice ? Although I'm only in my early 20's I'm coming back into it from a short hiatus - from what I remember, dating women is difficult and often completely immune to any kind of logic (I kid, I kid...mostly. Please don't castrate me Feminists :um) 

Hmm, well I guess I should mention that I'm currently working on my conversational skills in general, particularly with people I don't know to well - and have improved immensely over the last month or so. Apparently also I'm attractive (I have no idea myself) - people seem shocked if I mention the relatively few relationships I've had. 

Would you suggest internet dating ? I've heard it's a mix bag... of poop mostly, especially if you're a guy. But cold approaching as an alternative is a very daunting prospect. 

And finally I'm not into clubbing types so any advice to hit the night scene is probably pointless, I'd much rather date a cute, intelligent, somewhat geeky girl being honest :b


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

No to internet dating. I know a woman who met her husband in a bowling league. Do you guys bowl over there?


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## feverfew (Jan 11, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> And finally I'm not into clubbing types so any advice to hit the night scene is probably pointless, I'd much rather date a cute, intelligent, somewhat geeky girl being honest :b


I'm exactly the same way, all the way down to the geeky girls! I don't have any advice, but I'd be interested in seeing what others have to say.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

scarpia said:


> No to internet dating. I know a woman who met her husband in a bowling league. Do you guys bowl over there?


We don't tend to have bowling leagues and stuff like that over here sadly. In fact what is commonly referred to as 'bowling' is actually another game entirely which is seen almost exclusively for old people :b












feverfew said:


> I'm exactly the same way, all the way down to the geeky girls! I don't have any advice, but I'd be interested in seeing what others have to say.


It's good to know I'm not the only one.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Take yoga classes maybe? I hear Alec Baldwin met his wife that way. She's a bit less than half his age!!!!!!

Edit - I know a woman who said her brother got a gf at a health club. He tried to impress her by lifting a really heavy weight - it was so heavy that he passed out. Here's a gread vid of a guy doing that- http://www.jest.com/video/2808/weightlifter-squats-1000-lbs-pukes-passes-out


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## Things Unsaid (Nov 26, 2012)

I would say to use online dating, but limit the time you invest in it to maybe half an hour of browsing and sending messages a day or something. There's just too many potential dates pass it up entirely even if the odds aren't good.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Lol, well it looks like there's not to much advice on this subject. :um



Things Unsaid said:


> I would say to use online dating, but limit the time you invest in it to maybe half an hour of browsing and sending messages a day or something. There's just too many potential dates pass it up entirely even if the odds aren't good.


I'm tempted now to actually try this online dating thing myself, just to see if it's as awful as some people have said. :b Would it be bad though if I were to make a profile, but not have any intention of meeting people straight away - I think i need a bit more exposure exercises before I dive into a full blown romantic date.

Also, would you guys be willing to judge/give me pointers/heckle any potential profile I manage to cobble together :teeth ?


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

First off, it's best not to let embittered condemnation from socially awkward depressives sour your view of online dating. Really, it has a huge amount of potential, particularly for someone with a lot to give, and if you excuse the lame compliment, you are one. 

I'd recommend OkCupid, but only because it's the only one I've tried. The fact that it rates potential dates in terms of how compatible they are with your personality is really useful, and it makes deciding who to message a lot easier. It's all fairly intuitive, you learn what is charming and what isn't along the way. But yeah, feel free to post your profile here if you need advice. 

It's important to both not overinvest in any one person (conversations fizzling out after a few exchanges is kind of normal) and not to be caught up in the illusion of choice. It's a lot of work and you'll (most likely) have to deal with a lot of rejections. But you get used to it. Best of luck to you.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

I came to this thread pretty much to say exactly what Kiirby posted. 

Dating sites have a bad reputation, but if you use it seriously there is a lot of potential to meet someone. I've been using OKcupid for a while now and have met someone who seems really awesome and who I can relate to in a lot of ways. I'd highly recommend you give it a shot.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

kiirby said:


> First off, it's best not to let embittered condemnation from socially awkward depressives sour your view of online dating. Really, it has a huge amount of potential, particularly for someone with a lot to give, and if you excuse the lame compliment, you are one.
> 
> I'd recommend OkCupid, but only because it's the only one I've tried. The fact that it rates potential dates in terms of how compatible they are with your personality is really useful, and it makes deciding who to message a lot easier. It's all fairly intuitive, you learn what is charming and what isn't along the way. But yeah, feel free to post your profile here if you need advice.
> 
> It's important to both not overinvest in any one person (conversations fizzling out after a few exchanges is kind of normal) and not to be caught up in the illusion of choice. It's a lot of work and you'll (most likely) have to deal with a lot of rejections. But you get used to it. Best of luck to you.





Cam1 said:


> I came to this thread pretty much to say exactly what Kiirby posted.
> 
> Dating sites have a bad reputation, but if you use it seriously there is a lot of potential to meet someone. I've been using OKcupid for a while now and have met someone who seems really awesome and who I can relate to in a lot of ways. I'd highly recommend you give it a shot.


You guys have me convinced then (well, as much as you can do), I'll try and create myself a profile in the next day or so, but at the same time will mentally prepare myself for epic failure. :b


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## feverfew (Jan 11, 2012)

Paper Samurai said:


> Lol, well it looks like there's not to much advice on this subject. :um
> 
> I'm tempted now to actually try this online dating thing myself, just to see if it's as awful as some people have said. :b Would it be bad though if I were to make a profile, but not have any intention of meeting people straight away - I think i need a bit more exposure exercises before I dive into a full blown romantic date.
> 
> Also, would you guys be willing to judge/give me pointers/heckle any potential profile I manage to cobble together :teeth ?


I tried it online dating (OkCupid) a couple of years ago. I didn't see anything all that wrong with it. I was only on for about a month, but in that time I chatted with a few girls and actually got the phone number of one. I quit mostly because my anxiety was really bad at the time (I was just diagnosed with depression, SA, and I was in my first car accident). I would prefer to try to meet people IRL, but I wouldn't be against trying online dating again somewhere down the line. There was nothing about the people or about the site that was terrible.

Feel free to create a profile without feeling like you have to meet people straight away. I'm sure half of the profiles are made by people trying to see what's out there.

I'd also be glad to give you some tips on what helped me during the short time I was on.


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## Motionless Sway (May 30, 2011)

1. If you want to meet only a geek girl that you know you'll like before finding out by talking to people at bars or whatever, then go online. As others have said, okcupid is the best. I've used it off and on for years and back on again myself after a breakup. With the profiles you read, you know who you're sending a message to already (just be creative, girls with online profiles get so many horrible messages online, that they have to delete so many from a-holes).

2. If you want to meet a cool, geeky girl, then meet them at places where they would be...


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Motionless Sway said:


> ...
> 
> 2.* If you want to meet a cool, geeky girl, then meet them at places where they would be...*


I wish I could physically travel to the internet then :b

Ok, I said I would try and create an OkCupid profile, and here it is :

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Paper_Samurai

your thoughts? :um


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Paper Samurai said:


> I wish I could physically travel to the internet then :b
> 
> Ok, I said I would try and create an OkCupid profile, and here it is :
> 
> ...


Profile is excellent - reads well, quick, interesting.

Get rid of your third picture (the other two are way better) and try to work on taking one that's more exciting. Preferably in a social or adventurous setting. Not easy for someone with SA but it's something to keep in mind.

Also, self-summary could use a slight bit of clean-up. You don't want to say things like "hope I haven't scared you off!" Because when you think you'll scare a girl off, then you kinda will. Just my opinion of course:

-----------------------------------
_I'm a cocktail of ethnic diversity lol - British, French, Mauritian and East Asian - it makes filling out these sort of online profile things a tad more difficult ('other' isn't very descriptive).

I'm a total geek as well. I like foreign movies, Sci-Fi, video games, animation and hypothesizing. And to top it all off, I'm also a programmer. In other words, being manly and awesome is my forte.

Finally, I'm a genuine person who is very accepting. I don't make any distinction based on religion, ethnicity, politics or anything like that. I'm even somewhat idealistic in some regards. *[idealistic how? maybe needs some expanding]*_
-----------------------------

Overall, really good - just a little summary improvements and get a better third pic.


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## scott rudd (Jan 10, 2013)

just wanted to say thanks for the q & a's im in the same boat and has given me things to think about / do 
thank you


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

rymo said:


> Profile is excellent - reads well, quick, interesting.
> 
> Get rid of your third picture (the other two are way better) and try to work on taking one that's more exciting. Preferably in a social or adventurous setting. Not easy for someone with SA but it's something to keep in mind.
> 
> ...


Cheers for the advice. I'm not to sure though about taking down the 3rd pic. I don't want them all to be a show case if you know what I mean. I look like that from time to time and I'd rather it be known :b - in said pic's case when I'm stressed out a bit and haven't had a lot of sleep + a mild bad hair day.



scott rudd said:


> just wanted to say thanks for the q & a's im in the same boat and has given me things to think about / do
> thank you


No problem dude ! Glad to be (unintentionally) of help


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Paper Samurai said:


> Cheers for the advice. I'm not to sure though about taking down the 3rd pic. I don't want them all to be a show case if you know what I mean. I look like that from time to time and I'd rather it be known :b - in said pic's case when I'm stressed out a bit and haven't had a lot of sleep + a mild bad hair day.
> 
> No problem dude ! Glad to be (unintentionally) of help


You're obviously a very honest and good guy, but wouldn't you rather let your appearance and personality on the first date do the talking? OkCupid's sole purpose is to get you in the door, and you want to maximize your chances of doing so. Then once you get the date you can be as real as possible. Anyways, it's not like you're lying to people by not showing your most flattering pics. That's just the way i see it - less time wasted on the site and more time actually meeting people.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

Paper Samurai said:


> I wish I could physically travel to the internet then :b
> 
> Ok, I said I would try and create an OkCupid profile, and here it is :
> 
> ...


Looks great. We have a pretty high match percentage lolo.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

Cam1 said:


> Looks great. We have a pretty high match percentage lolo.












:b:b:b


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