# Having a hard time setting a goal, is it better to not?



## tranquil_emotion (Sep 6, 2005)

I'm having a hard time setting goals because I'm afraid I'll never be able to accomplish them. Simple things like if I'm at a restaurant, instead of having the other person know what I want and them telling the waitress, I want to be the one to order my food. If I picture the whole thing in my mind, it seems weird. Like it's not going to happen, and if it does happen then that makes me nervous to think about. I think this way with just about every goal I try to set. How do you set goals without worrying so much about the outcome, is it best to not really set goals and just do things all of the sudden?


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## ABetterTomorrow (May 17, 2005)

I think starting with goals that you think you can accomplish is important. Your ordering at a restaraunt sounds like a very good one to start with. Just decide next time you go to the restaurant that you are going to order no matter what.

Just go in there with the cut throat attitude that you will accomplish this goal today no matter what.

As you accomplish small goal, you will gain confidence and will be able to set larger and larger goals.

Ive come a long way from my first goal of not wearing a hat when i go to class.


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## plavinio (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi Tranquil_emotion,

Dont let the goal setting scares you. Believe in yourself. Start setting a small goal that you can achieve, so that it raise your self confidence. And when you achieve it, it builds up your self confidence. 

From that, you can build the foundation you have and start setting goals that are slightly harder to achieve but still possible with more effort


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## jauggy (Oct 9, 2005)

I stopped setting goals because i couldn't achieve any of them, or the ones i did achieve were easy and meaningless. Then i read something in this article that made me realise my error:



> An achiever acquires confidence and pride by taking on challenging life goals, by using good models and methods for getting there, and by putting in the time and effort to make the accomplishments meaningful. In contrast, a low achiever (see attribution theory in chapter 4), preoccupied with avoiding failure, will either choose an extremely easy task or a very difficult one. Neither task puts him/her to a test, both the very easy and the impossible are cop outs.
> 
> http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap6/chap6o.htm


And also:


> a high achiever will:...Select challenges of moderate difficulty (50% success rate) because the feedback from those tasks tells you more about how well you are doing, rather than very difficult or very easy tasks which tell you little about your ability or effectiveness...
> 
> The unmotivated person will: ...Choose easy or very hard tasks to work on because the results will tell him/her very little about how poorly (presumably) he/she is doing.
> 
> http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap4/chap4k.htm


Most of the goals i have set were either impossible or very easy. Now i finally understand why i was doing it - i was lazy and didn't want to set a moderate goal to see what i was really capable of doing. I have now decided to start on goal setting again, this time making goals that are easier than my impossible goals but harder than my very easy goals, ie something in the middle. I hope it works.


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## perfectlycalm (Nov 15, 2005)

btw I'm tranquil_emotion, but not anymore because I had to change my name, lost password for here and email, so this is my new name now.

I realize I started this post a long time ago, thanks for the response guys. This is very helpful information, I did not know that about my goal setting. For three years I made no progress at anything, I didn't have the ambition I have now, but I also didn't challenge myself with normal goals, I expected quick fixes. I set too hard of goals, so usually I never set any because I didn't want to fail any.

Here's the thing, about ordering my own food, I still never did that yet, but I think it might be beyond what I can comprehend as far as what i can do. I don't believe in myself enough for that yet, but there are many things that I think I can accomplish that I have never done because I am lazy, those are the ones I should start with.


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