# I just feel like I'm wasting my life



## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

When I look at the past 15 years, its been nothing but a lonely miserable waste, and I think about the present and I'm still wasting it. Just seems like the next 15 are gonna be the same, I could do so much, I have so much ability but this depression, this constant anger, it holds me down.


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## housebunny (Oct 22, 2010)

Yeah I really think it's a physical issue. Lately I've been thinking that a lot of my perspectives reflect what's going on with me physically. For example, I have bouts of the thought "nobody loves me." I've come to realize that there is a certain thing physically going on in my body when I start thinking like that. I think it's a blood sugar issue, that I'm not getting insulin into my cells or something. That's what "nobody loves me" means in my strange language. I imagine that could sound completely nuts to other people unless they think like me. "I'm wasting my life" to me sounds like energy is not working the way it's supposed to. Like you have the first part of the energy cycle but the second part's not working properly so the energy never gets made.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

Constant anger, living in fear, instead of embracing change. I think I have ability too, but the reality is if your social skills suck it puts you behind in basically every aspect of life.


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

I can't think about it too much but yeah I feel like it's all been for nothing and it has really. No light at the end of the tunnel just more of the same ahead lol


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## intheshadows (Apr 5, 2011)

*joins the I've Wasted my Life club


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## alexmccarthy75 (May 6, 2014)

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue"


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't feel like I'm wasting my life but that could have something to do with the fact that I don't have anything to waste.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

housebunny said:


> Yeah I really think it's a physical issue. Lately I've been thinking that a lot of my perspectives reflect what's going on with me physically. For example, I have bouts of the thought "nobody loves me." I've come to realize that there is a certain thing physically going on in my body when I start thinking like that. I think it's a blood sugar issue, that I'm not getting insulin into my cells or something. That's what "nobody loves me" means in my strange language. I imagine that could sound completely nuts to other people unless they think like me. "I'm wasting my life" to me sounds like energy is not working the way it's supposed to. Like you have the first part of the energy cycle but the second part's not working properly so the energy never gets made.


I agree that our physical health has a huge impact on our thoughts and emotions. Times I've completely neglected monitoring my body's intake are usually the hardest times to find any sort of confidence or motivation, or any sort of functioning self-esteem at all.

It sucks too because when I'm feeling such a low energy level and like everything I've done in life has been a waste it's next to impossible to make any sort of changes in how I habitually treat my body.

Still, I look for those windows where I'm driven enough to change things for myself where I can actually make better habits to take care of myself physically. And sometimes those efforts pay off big time, though it's just as hard to keep up.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

bottleofblues said:


> When I look at the past 15 years, its been nothing but a lonely miserable waste, and I think about the present and I'm still wasting it. Just seems like the next 15 are gonna be the same, I could do so much, I have so much ability but this depression, this constant anger, it holds me down.


I can't help but wonder if we all have this false preconception of what a life that hasn't been a waste would be. Like we get all this hyped up pressure from family members, or churches, or teachers, or even tv and movies.

If you ask me it gives us all this sense like unless we manage to become a rich celebrity, or some other sort of over-night success story then we are worthless and our lives have been a waste. Even in social groups when maybe you'd just like to have a normal, comfortable friend base, there's all this pressure to be the most popular and interesting person.

We give ourselves impossible standards to live up to, if you ask me, and so it only makes sense that we feel like we've wasted our lives if we don't live up to them.

The fear of missing out on life is probably one of the ugliest and most destructive pressures I've ever had. Like if I'm not out experiencing endless adventures or having a lot of sex, romance, or drugs then I'm somehow missing out. And I always seem to imagine that everyone I know is doing more of these things than me.

If you ask me it's about our state of mind. Who really cares how "productive" or "successful" I am in life. I live the way I choose to. The only way it makes any sense at all is if that's good enough for me. If it's not, well then that's my motivation to try something different. But I'm sick to death of feeding this illusion to myself like there's some magical world full of life experiences that everyone gets to enjoy but me. I experience what I set out to experience. Sometimes it's fulfilling, but more often it feels like I'm reaching for something that just isn't there. So that's what I'm trying to adjust, this notion that there's something I'm missing out on that's actually nothing more than a projection I sometimes use to demoralize myself. To hell with that. If I decide I want to experience something I'm gonna find a way to do it. If I imagine there is something I don't have that I would need to do that, like money I don't have or other people, or some ability I don't have and/or could never develop, then it's an illusion and not something I need bouncing around in my head making me feel like less of a person than I really am.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

voidincomplete said:


> I can't help but wonder if we all have this false preconception of what a life that hasn't been a waste would be. Like we get all this hyped up pressure from family members, or churches, or teachers, or even tv and movies.


An unwasteful life (in theory):

- do something (anything) that contributes to society
- grow old with a partner
- maybe have children if you feel you can give them a decent life

Personally, my problem has always been my views of the world and humanity in general. Society -- this civilization we've made for ourselves -- is all bulls***... Our reality is much different from the masks we put on to keep the "civil" in our civilization. Let's shut off the electrical grid for a little while and see what happens, or leave everyone to 'hunt and gather' for themselves... It wouldn't take long before our true selves reared their ugly heads...

I have *not* been able to find it within me to subscribe to that bulls***. I can't handle knowing that it's all fake. Our schools, our places of work, our entertainment.. everything about our daily lives.. it's all fake.. it's all to keep us from taking our masks off.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

BTW as much as I maybe try to sound like I have all the answers, I really don't. I struggle constantly with trying to apply the concepts I talk about. 

I definitely feel like my life is a huge lump of wasted potential. 

An example: I'm a musician. I love playing music more than anything in the world. It's the most gratifying thing to me, but I have some strange mental blocks that prevent me from really enjoying it. It seems like it should be so simple to just get out and play music with other people. I feel like I have enough skill to hold my own and maybe even impress some people if I were to ever give myself the opportunity. I've let go of the fantasy of "making it big" and really just want to share something I feel like maybe I'm kinda good at. 

But I have spent years and years and years avoiding jam sessions I've been invited to due to my anxieties. I always end up kicking myself when someone cool invites me to jam over and over, then they finally stop because I never go and I wonder "why is it I don't have anyone to jam with". 

lol, it's a cruel joke and full of irony. I write songs. Sometimes I like them, other times I think they're crap. I want to record them so I can at least say I've done something with my talents. But something always gets in the way. I'm either too impatient or my equipment is not up to par. I've tried making friends with "more productive" musicians thinking maybe it would be easier to collaborate with someone. But that never works because 90% of musicians out there have such sensitive egos that they'll talk til their blue in the face about collaborating, but never actually seem to want to put the time into it. And I have to admit that I probably fall in that category as well, at least to some extent. 

It's frustrating because I know my musical skills are good enough that I would really get a lot out of being a more active and social musician. But as it is I feel self-conscious even practicing if I think anyone is within earshot. It's a mental block like I said. That doesn't mean I can just flip a switch and fix it, but I feel like it's something I should be able to adjust if I'm dedicated and patient enough with myself. 

I honestly feel like as I'm letting go of the illusory pressures and projections I mentioned in my previous post that I've been freeing myself up a bit to actually develop the skills to seek the experiences I truly want. but maybe that's just me trying to be an optimist.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

I'll be 30 pretty soon, I for sure feel like I've wasted the last 8 years of my life, up to 21 I was doing pretty well but then I just got very complacent and adopted a "Why do now what I can do later?" attitude for a long time, and it wasn't even just laziness, I really just let my anxiety take the wheel, I for sure could have taken a more proactive approach in the right direction but I was just so anxious about making all the life changing decisions that come up in your 20s: career path, marriage, etc. All my friends are so far ahead of me it's just an embarrassment, I just decided to enjoy my comfort zone for a little longer, and that "little longer" turned into the majority of my 20s. I'd do almost anything to go back to 2007 and do things right. 

I really enjoyed my 20s, it was fun hanging out with friends and putting off responsibility but it sucked eventually realizing I was the only one actually putting off responsibility during that time, I just continued to gravitate towards other friends that didn't get married as each friend of mine got married, and now I pretty much have one friend left that's still single. I'm really not just feeling sorry for myself, I'm actively working on changing everything, for the first time in years I finally feel like I'm in the driver seat of my life. I just need to keep the "prize" in my sights so I'll continue being proactive with my life's progression.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

Just Lurking said:


> An unwasteful life (in theory):
> 
> - do something (anything) that contributes to society
> - grow old with a partner
> ...


I definitely agree with you. Society as expanded so much that the system of order we use to avoid total chaos has got us wandering through life like machines, mindlessly bumping into each other with no real humanity left in us.

We've gotten to where we have to hide our real selves and our emotions because if we were to just live from our instincts we would probably revert to a state where rape and murder was an acceptable norm. Everyone fend for themselves and pay no heed to structure or fairness.

I feel like there should be some sort of balance. Would it be so impossible to function as our natural selves without becoming ego-driven hedonists?

Perhaps if the driving force of our societal structures was more geared towards idealistic values rather than monetary wealth. Maybe the profit driven machinery of society feeds more latent hedonism than anyone is willing to admit. Is it really our nature to provide for ourselves only by taking from others? I want to say there is a more balanced function in nature. An egalitarian philosophy is labeled as an idealists pipe-dream, but egalitarian cultures have survived for thousands of years.

So I guess I wonder, would our "true selves" be an anarchistic flocking to militias and gangs who use violence to take from others? Certainly it seems like that would be the nature of some. But how many of us would live more passive and balanced lives were we free to develop our lives based around "natural" values rather than those force fed to us by the media, or those arising from the desperation of needing to "fight to survive"?


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

voidincomplete said:


> BTW as much as I maybe try to sound like I have all the answers, I really don't. I struggle constantly with trying to apply the concepts I talk about.
> 
> I definitely feel like my life is a huge lump of wasted potential.
> 
> ...


Its like that Nirvana song 'something in the way', thats how it feels to me, something in the way that stops me from achieving my full potential, something i can't see, something underneath it all.
Like you, i also have a talent i'm artistic, i'd like to become a 3d artist (its what i studied) but my constant negativity and depression prevent me from getting anywhere.
I've often wondered what it would be like being a musician if you had SA, like wouldn't you get anxious playing in front of a crowd? If you're serious about being a musician you'd have to play to a live audience, i'd be too anxious i'd **** up playing my instrument. But i guess if you're confident in your abilities that would help.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

crimeclub said:


> I'll be 30 pretty soon, I for sure feel like I've wasted the last 8 years of my life, up to 21 I was doing pretty well but then I just got very complacent and adopted a "Why do now what I can do later?" attitude for a long time, and it wasn't even just laziness, I really just let my anxiety take the wheel, I for sure could have taken a more proactive approach in the right direction but I was just so anxious about making all the life changing decisions that come up in your 20s: career path, marriage, etc. All my friends are so far ahead of me it's just an embarrassment, I just decided to enjoy my comfort zone for a little longer, and that "little longer" turned into the majority of my 20s. I'd do almost anything to go back to 2007 and do things right.
> 
> I really enjoyed my 20s, it was fun hanging out with friends and putting off responsibility but it sucked eventually realizing I was the only one actually putting off responsibility during that time, I just continued to gravitate towards other friends that didn't get married as each friend of mine got married, and now I pretty much have one friend left that's still single. I'm really not just feeling sorry for myself, I'm actively working on changing everything, for the first time in years I finally feel like I'm in the driver seat of my life. I just need to keep the "prize" in my sights so I'll continue being proactive with my life's progression.


I can't help but wonder what sort of ways you feel you could have been more "productive." I don't want to challenge your perspective in an unwelcome way, but would being married really make you feel as if you've done something more with your life? I can only imagine a person being married or not has a lot to do with whether or not they've met someone they feel they could love for the rest of their life. Not to mention the mutuality of that feeling having a large part to play in it as well.

One of the pressures I was mentioning that I disagree with is this notion that a person getting married and starting a family is somehow more productive than being single.

I personally feel as though it is much healthier for myself, society, and my potential family for me to not pressure myself into starting a family with someone.

I've known a lot of people who have come from families that didn't work out the way their parents expected when they were young. Some of those situations became abusive even though the parents weren't abusive people, they simply committed themselves to a situation they weren't fully prepared for. Then these normal, human pressures hit them as they got older and they realized they didn't really want what they thought they wanted.

I think that's one of the biggest concerns about people starting families at a young age, or thinking that that somehow makes them a "more productive" person. It's almost like this drive to be a good person and live up to these preconceived standards of what a good person is has, in some cases, actually resulted in irresponsible decisions that their children have to pay for.

I'm not trying to say people shouldn't get married and start families if they want to, but I don't think it should be done out of some notion that that is what all normal, productive people do. Making those kinds of choices out of some feeling of societal obligation I think can result in a lack of foresight, and potentially an unhappy situation that may not be healthy for the developing psyche of a child to be born into.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

bottleofblues said:


> Its like that Nirvana song 'something in the way', thats how it feels to me, something in the way that stops me from achieving my full potential, something i can't see, something underneath it all.
> Like you, i also have a talent i'm artistic, i'd like to become a 3d artist (its what i studied) but my constant negativity and depression prevent me from getting anywhere.
> I've often wondered what it would be like being a musician if you had SA, like wouldn't you get anxious playing in front of a crowd? If you're serious about being a musician you'd have to play to a live audience, i'd be too anxious i'd **** up playing my instrument. But i guess if you're confident in your abilities that would help.


Yes, definitely something in the way. I have layers of mental blockage myself. Sometimes creatively, sometimes socially, always seeming to hinder my potential.

The odd thing about me and social anxiety, well maybe not so much odd since it makes sense to me, is that I can handle performance anxiety and "stage fright". Part of this is because as my social anxieties were really setting in, in high school, is when I picked up the guitar. In fact, guitar class was the only class I was ever that comfortable going to. In that class we had to perform in front of the class every week, so it became normal and even sometimes something I looked forward to. I fought a lot of my anxieties off around that time by sort of having this "rock star" persona. I just imagined I was Jim Morrison and that if I was super weird, or even shocking that people would respect me and I wouldn't be paralyzed with anxiety. And it actually worked. It was a sort of reaction formation I think.

Anyway, another reason performing isn't as difficult as socializing is because it is just me, projecting my thoughts and feelings in one direction, in a way in which I already have some confidence. For me the real fears and dangers with social anxiety is in the "back and forth" interaction with people. I'm not very good at sharing my personality with people. I can flaunt my ego around like it's the greatest thing, which works out alright on stage, but actually connecting and sharing empathy with people is more difficult. I have interest and concerns for people's feelings, but I have trouble communicating that to them.

Although, since socializing and networking with people would be a large part of getting gigs as a performing musician, I have often wondered if I could focus on being a recording artist, songwriter, or composer. Those are things I can do in the comfort of my home, without having to "mingle" with all those scary people.

So by 3D art are you meaning CGI stuff? It seems like the video game and virtual entertainment industry is growing pretty steadily lately, and with technology advancing so fast it seems it's easy for amateur programers to have a chance at getting some work out there and noticed. I've often wondered about composing music for video games.


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

voidincomplete said:


> I can't help but wonder what sort of ways you feel you could have been more "productive." I don't want to challenge your perspective in an unwelcome way, but would being married really make you feel as if you've done something more with your life? I can only imagine a person being married or not has a lot to do with whether or not they've met someone they feel they could love for the rest of their life. Not to mention the mutuality of that feeling having a large part to play in it as well.
> 
> One of the pressures I was mentioning that I disagree with is this notion that a person getting married and starting a family is somehow more productive than being single.
> 
> ...


I for sure don't see marriage as a thing to check off of a to-do list, it's only going to happen when the right situation presents itself whether that's a few months from now or 10 years from now. I'm not trying to fit any societal mold by getting married, it's just something that I personally want at this point in my life. There's nothing inherently wrong with starting a family, it just depends on the people involved, and sure divorce happens and that's never a fun situation, but that's the risk, and almost anything potentially good in life comes with risk, but that's not a reason to avoid things that you want.

As far as productivity goes marriage doesn't really have anything to do with it, I was mostly talking about my regrets of not being more productive with my life in general, like with school, work, and just day to day stuff.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

crimeclub said:


> I for sure don't see marriage as a thing to check off of a to-do list, it's only going to happen when the right situation presents itself whether that's a few months from now or 10 years from now. I'm not trying to fit any societal mold by getting married, it's just something that I personally want at this point in my life. There's nothing inherently wrong with starting a family, it just depends on the people involved, and sure divorce happens and that's never a fun situation, but that's the risk, and almost anything potentially good in life comes with risk, but that's not a reason to avoid things that you want.
> 
> As far as productivity goes marriage doesn't really have anything to do with it, I was mostly talking about my regrets of not being more productive with my life in general, like with school, work, and just day to day stuff.


You sound to me like you have a pretty clear-headed and mature perspective. I guess I was just trying to support the notion that sometimes being willing to hold out for the right situations, whether it's love and marriage, or starting a family, or work or school, is actually more productive than blindly pummeling ahead in directions that life hasn't taken us naturally.

I could definitely say there are countless ways I wish I'd spent my 20's more productively. But the situations I did find myself in, and the trials I lived through taught me a lot about myself and the rest of the world that I probably wouldn't have learned had I been so focused on things I maybe would have felt like were more productive.

Regret is a hell of a thing, and it can sometimes help us to keep certain lessons close, but more times than not I think it just ties us to the past in ways that hold us back.

I personally feel like I've still got a whole lot of life and potential ahead of me, as well as having a clear understanding of plenty of mistakes I'll never make again. That, to me, it is the real productivity in life, and it's real value is getting as much as you can out of what you experience, no matter what it is or isn't.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

bottleofblues said:


> When I look at the past 15 years, its been nothing but a lonely miserable waste, and I think about the present and I'm still wasting it. Just seems like the next 15 are gonna be the same, I could do so much, I have so much ability but this depression, this constant anger, it holds me down.


 I think we all have the power to change our lives for the better. Hey I know your circumstances are worse than mine but still.
Reread this post. Your post I mean. Can you see what a negative tone it is? There's a saying a problem can't be fixed with the same mindset that caused the problem in the first place. Time to look at your situation in a different way. Seek out some support in your local area. If there is none, move to where you can find some.
I've been stuck in ruts before and thought I would never get out. But I eventually did. So maybe patience is important too. But one mistake I remember making was trying the same strategies to solve a problem. You need to think outside the square. be creative, be open, flexible to new opportunities. Don't rule out anything.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

riderless said:


> I think we all have the power to change our lives for the better. Hey I know your circumstances are worse than mine but still.
> Reread this post. Your post I mean. Can you see what a negative tone it is? There's a saying a problem can't be fixed with the same mindset that caused the problem in the first place. Time to look at your situation in a different way. Seek out some support in your local area. If there is none, move to where you can find some.
> I've been stuck in ruts before and thought I would never get out. But I eventually did. So maybe patience is important too. But one mistake I remember making was trying the same strategies to solve a problem. You need to think outside the square. be creative, be open, flexible to new opportunities. Don't rule out anything.


Yeah i am getting some support i've been seeing a counselor just about my drinking, i've not intention of going back into therapy again, i'm done with that. So i am taking some positive steps, what you said is true, the reason i've sort help is cos i've been trying to battle this problem on my own for years now and i've got nowhere.
As my sister says 'nothing changes if nothing changes.' I'm not gonna just lie down and do nothing to improve my situation, i want to take steps to improve my lot in life.
But christ its hard to change, really really ****en hard. My brain constantly sabotages me, the ****.


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## riderless (Jul 21, 2013)

> But christ its hard to change, really really ****en hard. My brain constantly sabotages me, the ****.


 Reminds me of how I talk to myself..:um.so I'm not one to preach...honestly good luck with everything....


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

voidincomplete said:


> I can't help but wonder what sort of ways you feel you could have been more "productive." I don't want to challenge your perspective in an unwelcome way, but would being married really make you feel as if you've done something more with your life? I can only imagine a person being married or not has a lot to do with whether or not they've met someone they feel they could love for the rest of their life. Not to mention the mutuality of that feeling having a large part to play in it as well.
> 
> One of the pressures I was mentioning that I disagree with is this notion that a person getting married and starting a family is somehow more productive than being single.
> 
> ...


:yes Agreed, just look at what happened to ian curtis from joy division, everyone said he got married too young. I do feel, maybe more so with my parents generation and their parents, that people get married because thats what society expects of you. Not all us want to settle down start a family and have a nice picket fence. I personally couldn't imagine anything worse.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

I just was thinking about the lyrics you mentioned "There's something in the way." If you think about it that line is a sort of double entendre. Like you could take "there's something in the way" as saying "there is an object blocking this path", or it could also mean "there is a quality to this method". 

I guess I always kind of heard it the second way. As if he was going to follow it up with "she moves" or something Beatlesesque hahaha. Obviously Kurts lyrics were the furthest thing from any Beatles song ever. He had a talent for words with layered meanings. The Piscean poster child, saying it's okay to eat fish because they don't have feelings.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

voidincomplete said:


> I just was thinking about the lyrics you mentioned "There's something in the way." If you think about it that line is a sort of double entendre. Like you could take "there's something in the way" as saying "there is an object blocking this path", or it could also mean "there is a quality to this method".
> 
> I guess I always kind of heard it the second way. As if he was going to follow it up with "she moves" or something Beatlesesque hahaha. Obviously Kurts lyrics were the furthest thing from any Beatles song ever. He had a talent for words with layered meanings. The Piscean poster child, saying it's okay to eat fish because they don't have feelings.


Sorry not sure what you mean by "there is a quality to this method", but the interpretation of the song which came to me when i was quite under the influence could be wrong, or maybe its like david lynch says there is no one right interpretation, the viewer is left to make their own personal interpretations. That's what i love about Nirvana, on first glance it just sounds like catchy heavy pop, but listen to the lyrics and they're as deep and obscure as anything a great poet might say.
Thanks for your posts in this thread BTW, your insights have got me probing deeper into this psyche of mine, its great to connect with people like you on this site that are quite frankly a lot deeper than the average joe i meet IRL.


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## Hyperborea (Aug 28, 2011)

waste away.


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## voidincomplete (Apr 5, 2014)

Thanks, that means a lot to me to have you say that. Likewise, it's good to know there are people out there still willing to even look for the deeper meanings to things. 

As for the words "there's a quality to this method". I was just meaning that the words "there's something in the way" could be taken in a context as if saying, "there's some quality in the way this is done". Alternately, the lyrics could also mean "there's some obstruction in the way ahead". Sort of a double meaning thing.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Just Lurking said:


> everything about our daily lives.. it's all fake.. it's all to keep us from taking our masks off.


Fake? How so?


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

In a Lonely Place said:


> I can't think about it too much but yeah I feel like it's all been for nothing and it has really. No light at the end of the tunnel just more of the same ahead lol


This is how I feel as well. I identify with so many of the posts in this thread. I don't want to just lie down and be complacent, I want to fight for improvement but when I think of how far I need to go to be where I want to be, it just all seems so insurmountable. It's not healthy to think that way and I know I need to break things down and work on one thing at a time, but it's easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. Everyone I know is light-years ahead of me. Although friends may not be where they want to be in all areas of their lives, I I'm behind in all aspects. I love being with my friends and family, but I also feely deeply ashamed when I think of my life as compared to theirs. It's so difficult to keep going when you feel that every decision you've made and all the effort put in up to this point, hasn't lead you and further than where you started. I don't even know where to go from here.


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## forgetfulnessextreme (May 10, 2014)

Hey, you never know what the future's gonna be like. Anything could happen.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

the collector said:


> Fake? How so?


'This' isn't who we are...

*We *are animals...

Our governments... our structured cookie-cutter lives _(school -> 9-5 job -> retirement -> death)_... It's all to keep us distracted and busy to suppress the animal within us. So much of what we do today goes against what all of us are on the inside.

Yeah, our little 'civilization' keeps the lot of us from drowning in anarchy and killing each other, but personally, I haven't been able to come to terms with the amount of '*fake*' that is required to do that.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

^
Interesting philosophy...


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

Just Lurking said:


> 'This' isn't who we are...
> 
> *We *are animals...
> 
> Our governments... our structured cookie-cutter lives _(school -> 9-5 job -> retirement -> death)_... It's all to keep us distracted and busy to suppress the animal within us. So much of what we do today goes against what all of us are on the inside.


Totally, its how i feel. I love the ending in 'the hurt locker' from 3.56 onwards:






Where he just returns to the war zone because its just who he is. I just find that scene so inspiring, like i'd never sign up to be a marine but what the film captures is the spirit of a man who just does not fit the normal 9-5 raise a family type mold.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

TryingMara said:


> It's so difficult to keep going when you feel that every decision you've made and all the effort put in up to this point, hasn't lead you and further than where you started. I don't even know where to go from here.


ditto


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## Nightwisher (Apr 2, 2013)

I to have wasted a big portion of my life. I blamed my family, and maybe they had something to do with it (childhood abuse) But I'm not a kid anymore and I've decided to stop it, as of today.

Yes, I'm 32 and I've wasted many years...but I and everyone else my age can and decide if they do or don't want to waste the next forty or so years of our lives as well.

Write after I get done posting this message I'm gonna open a new email account and email myself everyday, saying what I want from life and how to get there. That way I can see what I'm doing and how to fix it. And I'm gonna take advantage of my health insurance at my job and start seeing a shrink, and finding a mental health service center around me is what I'm gonna do after I make that email account...and then I'm gonna go for a jog before the sun goes down (I can use to lose a couple pounds)

And no, you are not too old. Colonel Sanders didn't open up the first KFC until he was sixty. But it only gets harder as you get older.

Sulking never solved anything...say that three times to yourself. You just need to do something and stick with it. Even if you fail, you'll learn from it for the next time.

I saw this video on Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I'm sure I have...notice how it begins, with an old man on his rocker, alone, with cobwebs on the phone because no one calls...last night I was stoned and watched this and, for the first time in years, I cried.






I laid in bed, and realized it was my day off and that I didn't speak to a single human being aside from a clerk a convenience story I went to for a soda that day. I went to sleep crying telling myself "that is not going to be me". And it won't be. I will change or I will dying trying to change. I've lived enough of my life like this. You me and everyone on this planet has two choices: we can get busy living, or get busy dying. It's never too late to do something new...

^hell, I just actually said what I'm feeling for the first time ever, and to total strangers!


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## CatTheMinion (May 14, 2014)

The societal paradigm IS a load of crap. I too am an artist, and I know I could do really well with it, but the self-doubt, exhaustion, depression, brain static, whatever, prevents me from excelling at it. I have too many worries. Too much negativity in my living situation. Makes me wish some days I was a little more dim, a little more messed up, because living at a mental institution with the nice young men in their clean white coats almost sounds okay if I could just not have to worry about anything but making art and chillaxing.

Or, if I were ABLE to relax, maybe I could focus enough to be able to make art. I half a half finished 18x24 that I HATE strapped to the easel behind me. If I could focus, i would have made it better...

I feel like my youth is wasted and I never got to have a life. I thought I was on my way when I was in college, and my twenties were just crap on suck, all the way through. Some people dread 30, but I was chomping at the bit for three years for it to please come and change my misery. But yeah, I never got to have any fun. never got to be carefree and go out, or travel, or anything. just being poor, working, just about to get to the next level, and had a financial emergency, back at square one. now i'm not working, but i'm still poor, and i have the added stress of being tied down to what my parents are doing and their problems, while trying to fix my own life. I just don't have all the energy to deal with no fun, no life, being stuck here, no job, no apparent future, languishing, and then not taking care of myself, and then being upset because i am trying to make inroads but i'm so slow. TOO MANY! and i feel like the last 20 years of my life have been wasted


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## ben888 (Aug 12, 2014)

life is not serious, it is all in your conscious mind, you don't have to do anything, you are born complete 
life has no destination, life is a mathematical improbability, but by some evolutionary marvel we are born, so I guess find what makes 
you happy, and spend your life doing that, no one can judge you, no one is your authority
do what you want!


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

Nightwisher said:


> I to have wasted a big portion of my life. I blamed my family, and maybe they had something to do with it (childhood abuse) But I'm not a kid anymore and I've decided to stop it, as of today.
> 
> Yes, I'm 32 and I've wasted many years...but I and everyone else my age can and decide if they do or don't want to waste the next forty or so years of our lives as well.
> 
> ...


so does your job offer a pretty good mental health outpatient coverage?


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

ben888 said:


> life is not serious, it is all in your conscious mind, you don't have to do anything, you are born complete
> life has no destination, life is a mathematical improbability, but by some evolutionary marvel we are born, so I guess find what makes
> you happy, and spend your life doing that, no one can judge you, no one is your authority
> do what you want!


Sounds nice, but you only get to live that way if you can afford it. Ralph Emerson wouldn't have written books on nonconformity and wandered the forest if it weren't for slaves handling the menial work.


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## SpiderInTheCorner (Aug 10, 2014)

just do what others do eat, work, eat, rest don't over complicate your life


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I used to think like this. But really you have to consider what constitutes a 'wasted life'.

I would think, it is something like how far away:

1)Your _ideal life_ is, from

2)Your _actual life_.

So there are really 2 ways to live a non wasted life.

Firstly, you improve your actual life so it gets closer to your ideal life. This might be impossible (and likely is) as (as alluded to by other posters) your ideal life is likely to be almost certainly unreachable (as you see lives in the media that only 1/10000 people ever get close to).

Secondly, you modify your ideal life into something you can actually achieve. You might not even really want the 'ideal life' you think you want upon close inspection. What you deem to be your ideal life is most likely what you have been made to feel envious about.

Once you realise the bull**** we trick ourselves into thinking is important _isn't important_ (and even, is negative in some respects) you are free to more realistically appraise how wasted your life is (if you even need to do this at all, I don't).

From my own perspective, doing **** I _don't_ want to do is wasting my life. Being productive for the sake of it doesn't feature at all for me.


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

splendidbob said:


> I used to think like this. But really you have to consider what constitutes a 'wasted life'.
> 
> I would think, it is something like how far away:
> 
> ...


There's a lot of truth here. I'm always thinking I should be doing X or Y, but it's mostly because I was taught those were good things.

It's funny that my father was never around and my mama said 'do what you love', but neither one of them thinks highly of my English degrees or my teaching.

But neither one of them guided me much either, and I'm happy with my life--I have a great family, loyal wife, my son is in perfect health at 4 months and gets compliments from everywhere. I make decent money and work very hard even though I don't carry a briefcase and kiss *** all day.

Ideally, I guess I should be some engineer or businessman swinging my dick around, but I'm not really cut like that. Yeah, I spent some time drinking and smoking--but I had fun, and I still held it all together. I've learned a lot in these 27 years so far. And my father really can't say ****--even though he tries to. Where the **** was he?


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

-- I guess we'll see how much time I've wasted. I'm seriously tempted to quit work a month from now. I don't want to be in the same job by the end of the year. I may have to try my hand at an unpaid internship in the field I'm actually interested in, if I can get away with it.


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