# Why am I incapable of finding a man?



## Dsg1694 (Feb 18, 2020)

I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don’t get how I am meant to be alone. I’m 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job. I don’t think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can’t I find a man? I’ve tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don’t want. And what I do want: doesn’t like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I’m told I’m nice so what gives? I have no friends either. I’m pretty easy going and feel like I have been able to accomplish what I want out of life, for the exception of a social life and good boyfriend. I am very distrusting of people in general, due to my bad experiences. I don’t think I’m overly picky and have every right to standards. I see people bigger and uglier or average looking, capable of finding a partner that I find appealing. I was fatter and didn’t get attention, I’m smaller now and still alone. I don’t message guys too often on the app, when I do make the first move, it doesn’t work out. Am I the problem (clearly not)?


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

In my view point...what you said about not having a social life is a pretty big deal. In reality dating apps are more likely to lead to short term outcomes than long term relationships. You need to put yourself out there, step out of your comfort zone, cultivate new hobbies, meet new people, and it will happen when it happens. Your chances of meeting someone you actually like and want to be with will increase this way.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

What is your self-esteem like? It might sound like an invasive question but I get the feeling that the universe is intent on showing people how they need to love themselves and be strong so that they can learn, create, live and spread love. When you do this authentically without any sense of shifting the responsibility of your own happiness or fulfilment onto others then I feel it is then that the universe takes notice and brings you into alignment with things that embellish your life.

But therein is my point. These things only ever 'embellish' your life, they should never _complete_ you. You are already complete.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Dsg1694 said:


> I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don't get how I am meant to be alone. I'm 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job. I don't think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can't I find a man? I've tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don't want. And what I do want: doesn't like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I'm told I'm nice so what gives?


 I mean, life is complicated but what I'm getting here is you're probably just too picky. I think if you're fishing and you're not catching anything you want, you're wanting more than you can catch. Or you're using the wrong bait. Maybe the men you want do not care about the types of things you think are your strong points.

But....who knows? Maybe you're missing a trick. I don't know. This probably isn't the best place to ask.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Maybe the right ones aren't looking, maybe they're harder to find, jerks & horny idiots are a dime a dozen hence why their spawn are more prolificated, most women just end up grabbing one out of loneliness/desperation, biological clock issues.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Dsg1694 said:


> I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don't get how I am meant to be alone. *I'm 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job.* I don't think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can't I find a man? I've tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don't want. And what I do want: doesn't like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I'm told I'm nice so what gives? I have no friends either. I'm pretty easy going and feel like I have been able to accomplish what I want out of life, for the exception of a social life and good boyfriend. I am very distrusting of people in general, due to my bad experiences. *I don't think I'm overly picky and have every right to standards. *I see people bigger and uglier or average looking, capable of finding a partner that I find appealing. I was fatter and didn't get attention, I'm smaller now and still alone. I don't message guys too often on the app, when I do make the first move, it doesn't work out. Am I the problem (clearly not)?


Your description by your name doesn't give gender...so...I'm gonna assume you are female (shrugs shoulder) ....if you aren't female then...disregard this next bit.

Here goes. First of all. Congratulations on setting yourself up financially.
Now onto the subject at hand.

As @WillYouStopDave said ...a combination of being too picky and using the wrong bait is at work here.

See the highlighted part...*I have a bachelor, a condo and a decent job*. Don't lead conversations with that, please. These are personal acheivements for yourself, but non of these are particularly "sexy" qualities from a man's perspective.

I'm going to drive this point home with a very exaggerated example. Donald Trump is *very* boastful about his business acheivements, and it is well known that he has had many women in his life. However...if a successful businesswoman behaved just as pridefully as Trump...she would be very lonely.

As men we are socialized into competition from a young age. Everytime we step outside we are competing...from school life to adulthood. Failure isn't tolerated. It's a cold harsh world out there, and the last thing most men want is to feel like he is competing at home with his own woman.

If you ever fantasize about laying your head on a man's shoulder and telling him about your problems...remember men fantasize just as much about laying his head in the bossom of a beautiful woman and just closing his eyes and leaving the world's troubles behind.

So just remember, your personal acheivements are yours. He will find out soon enough what you are passionate about you don't need to lead every conversation by talking about your qualifications etc.

Next is *the Husband Store*
I'm sure you've seen this seemingly sexist joke circulating the internet.
As sexist as the joke may seem...it does have a bit of truth to it...be weary of pricing yourself out of the dating marketplace, using these "standards" that you speak of.

Let me give you a simple personal example. When I was a teenager, I thought I wanted a woman with long flowing hair ...after all...that's the beauty standard shown in movies. However my actual girlfriend has VERY KINKY hair but has a more rare quality that I wouldn't trade for the silkiest hair in the world...and that is...comfort.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

A lot of people don't have success on online dating, but I also note you say you're very untrusting so that probably effects your ability to find/connect with people in real life.

I don't know what your standards are or what you're looking for either because you didn't say.

If you want someone who appreciates the things about you that you think are selling points, you should look somewhere like here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RoleReversal/

But I have a feeling you want a more egalitarian relationship where you're both allowed to be successful without a feeling of competition and that's basically impossible in this culture lol.

But yeah if you want someone more successful than you, and you are successful and you don't look like a model that could be a problem. The higher up the hierarchy you go, the more dimorphism there is.

Like if you want Trump you have to be Ivanka or one of the other wives, but why would you want Trump? It blows my mind lol. He's not even a goth (I mean he helped turn NYC into a gothic horror setting but I'm not sure that counts.) At least Hillary tried:










Oh man I edited this post too many times.

Hillary is terrible too. #sanders2020 even though I'm not American. (UK politics is just a competition for who is the least 'anti-Semitic' - scare quotes very necessary - now so I'ma watch you guys instead.) Peace out.

edit: I totally got his daughter's name mixed up with Melania, but I'm going to leave it there because it still fits. That was an accident though haha.


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## Matthew19 (Apr 9, 2019)

[_SNIP_]

Maybe you should lower your standards a bit when it comes to appearance? Some men have no option but to do this, we don't have the options. If you are looking for the tattooed jock with tattoos who is also a nice respectful person... you are looking for a needle in a hay stack I'm afraid.

Just because a guy is nice to you and happens to like sci fi and gaming, doesn't mean he is a manipulator or a creep. Give him a chance. 'Nice guy's' are demonised and ignored by society and many women, then they wonder why they end up with *******s.

Anyway, that's my rant over. I hope I don't sound unpleasant. [_SNIP_]


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Honestly something about the way the OP is worded seems like bait. Not many people are signing up to this forum anymore who haven't been here a long time and it just seems crafted to me. I could be wrong though.

Also it just seems like a weird first post to make but then there seems to have been tons of people signing up on this forum over the years whose only problem is not being able to find a partner so that kind of traffic has always ended up here for some reason.


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## FloridaGuy48 (Jun 30, 2014)

Can you post a picture of yourself? Assuming your at least average looking men are not that selective. They are just looking to get laid for the most part. Im sure your looking for a relationship so you want to keep away from those types of guys.


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## AV1988 (Feb 19, 2020)

Dsg1694 said:


> I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don't get how I am meant to be alone. I'm 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job. I don't think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can't I find a man? I've tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don't want. And what I do want: doesn't like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I'm told I'm nice so what gives? I have no friends either. I'm pretty easy going and feel like I have been able to accomplish what I want out of life, for the exception of a social life and good boyfriend. I am very distrusting of people in general, due to my bad experiences. I don't think I'm overly picky and have every right to standards. I see people bigger and uglier or average looking, capable of finding a partner that I find appealing. I was fatter and didn't get attention, I'm smaller now and still alone. I don't message guys too often on the app, when I do make the first move, it doesn't work out. Am I the problem (clearly not)?


I'm not sure what dating app you're using, but make it as appealing as possible! Be as creative as you can. When you speak to men, do you sound excited and outgoing via the messages? The tone can set the stage for the whole first meet.

Happy to help! I met my wife on a dating site 7 years ago!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Persephone The Dread said:


>


That picture is so real...&#8230;.so lifelike. That ain't a costume :lol.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> That picture is so real...&#8230;.so lifelike. That ain't a costume :lol.


Well it's definitely photoshopped lol.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

VIncymon said:


> See the highlighted part...*I have a bachelor, a condo and a decent job*. Don't lead conversations with that, please. These are personal acheivements for yourself, but non of these are particularly "sexy" qualities from a man's perspective.
> 
> ...
> 
> As men we are socialized into competition from a young age. Everytime we step outside we are competing...from school life to adulthood. Failure isn't tolerated. It's a cold harsh world out there, and the last thing most men want is to feel like he is competing at home with his own woman.


 Speak for yourself. I'm not a misogynist.

EDIT: God this the replies in this thread have me so fired up rn. Like wtf?


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

She probably doesn't want to be with men that don't find her personal achievements sexy and are instead intimidated by it.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Well, as far as the OP goes, there's a woeful lack of detail in that post so it's hard to say exactly what the issue is.

EDIT - Also, just from the post, OP says she is very distrusting (which is probably wise, TBH). The problem is that when you're very distrusting, that's a trait that you have to conceal (Because it's not very attractive and it's sometimes a red flag). And it's also a trait that is very difficult to conceal in person. Especially when you're dealing with someone who may also be apprehensive and is prying. If it gets to a point where both parties seem to be gently prying, it gets tense and uncomfortable. If the other person senses that you don't trust them after they make concessions, they may start to get a bit frustrated in dealing with you. 

I mean, really. It's hard to say. This forum exists because socializing is a minefield these days. Most of us are here because we're confused and/or frustrated or have just plain given up.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

aqwsderf said:


> She probably doesn't want to be with men that don't find her personal achievements sexy and are instead intimidated by it.


I wouldn't blame her, but that seems to be the norm with a lot of guys. That's why I posted that subreddit, because if you're failing everywhere else the guys there are guaranteed to not be intimidated.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I wouldn't blame her, but that seems to be the norm with a lot of guys. That's why I posted that subreddit, because if you're failing everywhere else the guys there are guaranteed to not be intimidated.


If that was the norm I'd rather stay single forever &#128514; (obviously not OP's case). I'll never understand how someone in a relationship wouldn't want both people to be successful.


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## Matthew19 (Apr 9, 2019)

I'm pretty shocked that I just got censored. Apparently pointing out how one gender may have a different experience is 'gender wars' now. I wonder if the same censorship would apply if someone claimed that men had it easy in some way?


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

aqwsderf said:


> I'll never understand how someone in a relationship wouldn't want both people to be successful.


People can define success at different sides of the spectrum, is being a successful hobo a valid success ?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

aqwsderf said:


> If that was the norm I'd rather stay single forever &#128514; (obviously not OP's case). I'll never understand how someone in a relationship wouldn't want both people to be successful.


I hate to break it to you but this sort of thinking is the norm like if I just quickly google:

https://www.insider.com/modern-dati...-achieving-women-struggle-to-find-love-2019-3



> In their love lives, they need to learn to lead with their "feminine" energy, she said, which is essentially realizing you are loved for who you are not what you do, and allowing yourself to sit back and relax.
> 
> Wunder, who runs a seven figure company, knows what it's like to be a successful woman on the dating scene.
> 
> ...


https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/li...ssful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html



> We encourage girls and women to be educated and ambitious, to kick-arse in the boardroom, but then expect them to play a subservient role in their relationship.
> 
> "It is tougher because it takes a very confident man who probably isn't on the same rung of the corporate ladder, not to be intimidated," says Rembrandt. "Very ambitious and very capable women are still very scary for the majority of men."
> 
> ...


Tbh though I don't believe society is a meritocracy (Western society is kind of timocractic, increasingly oligarchic) so hearing someone say that they have x, y, z traits that society thinks = success doesn't mean much to me really. But that goes for both sexes. I also think that if you are above average in most traits (according to popular standards,) you have to accept that you might have to date people who are below average just because there will be less options for you if you don't. Not implying the OP hasn't considered that though since as I said they didn't mention what their standards were.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Well first...I'm glad I don't know a guy like that. 

And unfortunately this all sounds like you have to navigate through a lot of unspoken rules. Then you have men saying the dating scene is hard because they have to give more to receive. But then we have others saying they're intimidated when the woman tries to make it more equal and show she can also provide and be willing to contribute. 

This is why I put emphasis on my original post. It's better to meet someone when the sole intention isn't to establish a relationship. When you're not solely searching for it. Meeting someone via your hobbies or interests you are pursuing will lead to better outcomes overall. 

Don't have to put up with the extra garbage


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

aqwsderf said:


> Well first...I'm glad I don't know a guy like that.
> 
> And unfortunately this all sounds like you have to navigate through a lot of unspoken rules. Then you have men saying the dating scene is hard because they have to give more to receive. But then we have others saying they're intimidated when the woman tries to make it more equal and show she can also provide and be willing to contribute.
> 
> ...


Yes I agree online dating sites make you basically upload a CV like you're applying for a job. Then you go to an interview which is the date. It's pretty unnatural when you think about it.


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## fluorish (Sep 24, 2016)

When you say bigger ugly or average looking people can find men but u can't. I pretty much see the problem right there. You sound self conceited. 
And this is my honest opinion. Without trying to offend you.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

VIncymon said:


> Your description by your name doesn't give gender...so...I'm gonna assume you are female (shrugs shoulder) ....if you aren't female then...disregard this next bit.
> 
> Here goes. First of all. Congratulations on setting yourself up financially.
> Now onto the subject at hand.
> ...


Oh, how I've missed this site...:lol

I didn't think the OP sounded like she was bragging. It sounded like she was simply painting a picture of her current situation. Do men need to be the breadwinner in order to feel like a man...? I would think that in a serious relationship, you would want your partner to succeed. You should be rooting for her, and she rooting for you.


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

@OP I see a bit of myself in your post. I'm not as settled as you are. But I am very distrustful of other people too. When you don't see the world as a safe place, every social interaction feels like a game of spy vs spy, where you are on the lookout for the smallest hint that the other person doesn't like/approve of you. Even on those rare occasions when you do manage to 'be yourself', it takes sooo much energy that you wonder how long you can keep this up before your 'mask' slips, and the other person discovers the 'real' you and gets turned off by it. There's rarely enough momentum to even go that far, and before you know it, you've become accustomed to keeping everyone at a distance and walling yourself in. It sounds ridiculous when I type it out here, but at the same time it feels so real in my head - the stress, the fear, the imminent dangers, of being close to someone. Being picky is a defense mechanism. Maybe being shy and passive is, too.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

mezzoforte said:


> Oh, how I've missed this site...:lol
> 
> I didn't think the OP sounded like she was bragging. It sounded like she was simply painting a picture of her current situation. *Do men need to be the breadwinner in order to feel like a man...? I would think that in a serious relationship, you would want your partner to succeed.* You should be rooting for her, and she rooting for you.


sigh....

The "corrected response" is just be yourself and the right person will come along, there is nothing wrong with you, if you can't get a date the fault is everyone else of the opposite gender that you've encountered and nothing to do with your own actions. That is *NOT* helpful advice.

Helpful advice doesn't always have to be what you want to hear. But it is what you need to hear.
@Dsg1694 I'm sure you didn't come here just for complements. I could sit here and tell you that you are a beautiful, kick** woman, and a real catch...I'm sure you are. But what would be the point of telling you that ? Wouldn't you rather find out what it is you may or may not be doing that may be stilting your lovelife.
@mezzoforte to answer your question directly ...yes. And the woman needs to feel it too, or else she loses attraction for him.

Do you know how hard it was for me too accept that?

Accept that I was too much of a push-over passive nice guy, that I had to become more manly and tap into my masculine energy in order to succeed at romance? My first few years on SAS I kept stubbornly insisting that society was wrong, eventually I had to make a decision...rage against the whole of society and remain an angry lonely incel...or *learn what really works* in the game of love and apply it.

So, no...Im not going to sit here and feed the OP advice that will lead her to do things that turn men off... just to make her feel better about herself...anymore than I would tell an incel that his shy, self-doubting, unambitious behavior is attractive.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

VIncymon said:


> @mezzoforte to answer your question directly ...yes. And the woman needs to feel it too, or else she loses attraction for him.
> 
> Do you know how hard it was for me too accept that?
> 
> ...


Nah, bro. :lol

I'm glad you've become more "manly", but surprisingly there are plenty of women who are successful in their careers AND are actually desired by men...these men aren't intimidated by them, because they are confident in themselves and want their partner to succeed. I guess I'm speaking from experience...and you are too.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

No the OP came here to troll, but in fairness their post would have seemed perfectly normal if not posted here. It's only because of the kind of people who frequent forums like this that this kind of trolling attempt works at triggering people lol.

They posted another thread three times and one was the day after they posted the first two. People like this kind of just go around to various places posting stuff and see who bites.

Let's actually break down the post:



Dsg1694 said:


> I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don't get how I am meant to be alone. I'm 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job. I don't think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can't I find a man? I've tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don't want. And what I do want: doesn't like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I'm told I'm nice so what gives? I have no friends either. I'm pretty easy going and feel like I have been able to accomplish what I want out of life, for the exception of a social life and good boyfriend. I am very distrusting of people in general, due to my bad experiences. I don't think I'm overly picky and have every right to standards. I see people bigger and uglier or average looking, capable of finding a partner that I find appealing. I was fatter and didn't get attention, I'm smaller now and still alone. I don't message guys too often on the app, when I do make the first move, it doesn't work out. Am I the problem (clearly not)?


The red highlighted parts were to annoy men, and the blue parts were to annoy women. It definitely worked so honestly at this point I'm just like grats.

I dunno that the part where they list achievements was intended to be annoying in a gender specific way probably just to add fuel or something same with 'am I the problem (clearly not)?.' I cba doing the same with their other post but I think that one was better.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Get a boob job & ride a pogo stick everywhere, works evertime 😉


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

would you consider yourself more successful than most of the men you are coming across? if so, that probably explains it. (if OP is making a serious post but also in case anyone else reading has the same problem and is being genuine) 
the solution could be that you might need to aim higher. look for men that earn more, have a more successful career than you. from your opening post you seem to be quite focused on achievement, men who are achieving less than you aren't what you want long term.

part of this comes down to smv, women want a man with more sexual market value than themselves. you increase this smv by doing things like self improvement, or competing and winning at something, or having high goals and lists of potential achievements. if you are in the situation as a woman in the OP I would suggest looking for guys who are more pro active in those things listed above than you. the goals always shift with this and to stay at a high smv you need to always be on the ball and making yourself the best person you can be.


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## 10k (Aug 19, 2015)

Don't use apps. I did and now I regret it. A wish can become a nightmare.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Persephone The Dread said:


> No the OP came here to troll, but in fairness their post would have seemed perfectly normal if not posted here. It's only because of the kind of people who frequent forums like this that this kind of trolling attempt works at triggering people lol.
> 
> They posted another thread three times and one was the day after they posted the first two. People like this kind of just go around to various places posting stuff and see who bites.
> 
> ...


Yeah it's always great to know you wasted your effort with a genuine response for someone who's only intention was to bait people. The first thing is that they never respond to anyone.

And I guess the rest only works of you're triggered by that kind of ****.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Oh strange. I thought some of the responses were trolling 🙂


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

^ I don't think so. Well my original post was purposefully facetious. I did start out writing it seriously and then just sort of descended into ****posting about the direction the thread took.


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## thomasjune (Apr 7, 2012)

Did someone yell troll? Let's all jump on the bandwagon and kill it! &#128528;
Or maybe the OP is not used to posting on furoms and don't know how things work around here. Who knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jhinds (May 30, 2011)

Troll or not, I just wanted to point out that I'm one of those men who would prefer to be in an egalitarian relationship, one where she at the very least pulls her own weight. I make decent money so it's not like I want to leech or anything. It's just that I've never felt like being the provider type that society expects of men looking for a long term partner. 

I want to meet a woman who isn't looking for a man to support her. Sadly, personal dating experience has shown that that isn't the type of woman I seem to attract. I met one woman...ONE...who was much better off than me and didn't care. Unfortunately other things got in the way of that potential relationship.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> ^ I don't think so. Well my original post was purposefully facetious. I did start out writing it seriously and then just sort of descended into ****posting about the direction the thread took.


It was a troll the whole time??.....:serious:
well whatever....

It crossed my mind when I say two other threads by the same person on the same day with almost the same topic....


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

mezzoforte said:


> Nah, bro. :lol
> 
> I'm glad you've become more "manly", *but surprisingly there are plenty of women who are successful in their careers AND are actually desired by men...these men aren't intimidated by them, because they are confident in themselves and want their partner to succeed*. *I guess I'm speaking from experience...and you are too.*


And I am sure those men you speak of are at least on a similar social/financial level to the women in question, hence why the attraction remains palpable.

Look... we are both speaking from experience. Life experiences shape people's opinions. That's why we would go around in circles on this. I have had some *very* bad experiences where I was basically told I'm unworthy-of-dating because I didn't have xyz status symbols that any eligible man should have to be taken seriously.

I have seen a roommate of mine have his heart crushed because his girlfriend who graduated before him at university, started ignoring him and eventually cheated and broke-up with him as soon as she became a Doctor whilst my roommate was still in med-school.

I have had a cousin whose wife started cheating on him, after he got laid off in his job. They eventually divorced, and he at least go custody of the kids.

I knew this other guy who was a junior in the bank whilst his wife went to become a lawyer...they divorced too.

Look I am not trolling here. *These* are the experiences I have to draw from, every romantic situation which I have experienced personally, or witnessed from close range where there is a significant social/power difference in the woman's favour, have ended with the woman losing respect for the man and leaving...

So this is how I have come to have this sort of opinion now. But its not like I bear this inherent hatred or mysoginistic view of women or anything of the sort (that kind of thinking keeps you as an incel) .

But rather I have more of a "*this is just how the world works*" opinion/outlook. At this point in my life why be angry about ? Being angry about this is like...being angry that the sky is blue.

It's like for me....this is just how it works...and I can either fight it and remain miserable...or accept it and adjust accordingly.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

^ I feel like it depends on your class. You seem to know a lot of successful people who have become doctors and lawyers etc. Working class women are often more successful than working class men these days at least in the UK. Working class men are the least likely group to be university educated for example. My family aren't working class but they're like I dunno lower middle probably maybe my mum's was more working class. My mum was more successful than my dad ended up going to university later on, but never left him she was always dissatisfied with the relationship because he didn't show affection because of his mental health issues and other things I won't go into (although it is highly relevant.) They're still not divorced but he was the one who moved out, he cheated on her at least once early into the relationship and nearly twice because she caught him trying and I overheard that argument when I was a kid. He spent a lot of time with this one female friend my mum always assumed he'd run off with (and who he nearly kissed that one time.) Their relationship always seemed ****ed up to me, but I'd say 70% of it was my dad the other 30% was my mum not leaving him or communicating either. All I'll say is she still didn't technically leave him even though their relationship was completely broken down even when he went to prison for something ****ed up.

This is why I remain convinced that dimorphism increases with class (I think the gender difference with physical violence is also lower at the bottom, still huge because it's probably the biggest sex difference but actually reducing in size as time goes on.... I think in some countries this is sped up by private prisons like this one.) There's also the matter that Western countries have larger personality differences between the sexes than other countries do.


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

I remember the last guy I was with being concerned about that cause he worked at a store and I had a masters degree. 

It's a valid concern. I can hear my parents already saying "why" lol. Especially as immigrant parents.

But his concern was more about being accepted. Not that he felt less attracted to me cause of it.


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## asittingducky (Apr 23, 2013)

@10k what happened?!?


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Wonder if OP ever found a man...


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

funnynihilist said:


> Wonder if OP ever found a man...


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Real talk though I don't think I'd want to date a competitive/ambitious woman because they tend to look down on people that aren't on their level (not all but a lot,) with men they either do that or expect you to fulfil a different role I'm not interested in.

But I can think of reasons why I wouldn't date anyone so, and most people wouldn't date me lol but I don't wonder why. It's sort of amazing that there are people (I mean not the OP probably but I know other people are similar so there are people,) who are like 'I have no idea why I'm single' really? You can't think of a single thing about you that others might be put off by? Haha. I have a huge list.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Real talk though I don't think I'd want to date a competitive/ambitious woman because they tend to look down on people that aren't on their level (not all but a lot,) with men they either do that or expect you to fulfil a different role I'm not interested in.
> 
> But I can think of reasons why I wouldn't date anyone so, and most people wouldn't date me lol but I don't wonder why. It's sort of amazing that there are people (I mean not the OP probably but I know other people are similar so there are people,) who are like 'I have no idea why I'm single' really? You can't think of a single thing about you that others might be put off by? Haha. I have a huge list.


I tend to avoid ambitious people altogether because these are the people who have been indoctrinated into society the hardest.
Dating/befriending them is like dating/befriending the worst parts of the matrix.
They say "I got this and I've done this therefore I'm a real person"(because that is society's checklist)
Anyone who doesn't have all this cannot be "real".
And since their lives look so good on paper they can't imagine how they could possibly have any personality flaws because...muh "achievements".


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

funnynihilist said:


> I tend to avoid ambitious people altogether because these are the people who have been indoctrinated into society the hardest.
> Dating/befriending them is like dating/befriending the worst parts of the matrix.
> They say "I got this and I've done this therefore I'm a real person"(because that is society's checklist)
> Anyone who doesn't have all this cannot be "real".
> And since their lives look so good on paper they can't imagine how they could possibly have any personality flaws because...muh "achievements".


Yeah that's the thing I suppose, most people don't believe they have inherent worth so they have to look to those checkboxes. If they get those things they believe they have worth because of those things. Actually the use of the word real is interesting because I never thought of it exactly that way, but I can see people doing that too. 'I'm a valid/real member of this group because I have x, y, z you're not' Hmm. But yeah it's just how most people view hierarchies I think but also in/outgroup dynamics.

It's really difficult to break away from that because it's constantly reinforced by society.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Yeah that's the thing I suppose, most people don't believe they have inherent worth so they have to look to those checkboxes. If they get those things they believe they have worth because of those things. Actually the use of the word real is interesting because I never thought of it exactly that way, but I can see people doing that too. 'I'm a valid/real member of this group because I have x, y, z you're not' Hmm. But yeah it's just how most people view hierarchies I think but also in/outgroup dynamics.
> 
> It's really difficult to break away from that because it's constantly reinforced by society.


I don't completely fault people for being like that because the indoctrination is real, but damn, some of them can be so smug.
And the kicker is that many of these people don't actually own anything. They just got to a point in life where institutions will loan money to them/rent stuff to them.
But the boxes are checked, so all is well!


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## 10k (Aug 19, 2015)

asittingducky said:


> @10k what happened?!?


Well, we matched on tinder. Thought she was good for me (for my anxiety and stuff). Now I can't breath. My problems are bigger than ever.

Cheers


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## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

I can't find anyone either. I don't do online dating though. 
I might also be affected from my first relationship, which i just went for because i was lonely and curious.. And in that relationship i spent so many days anxious, to the point of actual hair loss. 
I have become more cautious. 
I'm happy single now ( though more paranoid)
And my hair grew out again and is healthy. 

Btw i get rarely get flirted with myself. I'm a bit chubby though in my case, but it is okay. 
Hehe. I travelled to Thailand this year and a guy from Italy flirted with me and i was like.. Woah! A guy noticed me, weird.

Though if you are shy it might be hard no matter the gender. I feel it is the way for me. 
I remember a guy used to say about me some years ago: '' Your expression intimidated me so i never know if i should talk to you or not'' since apparently i don't smile enough. 

Just perhaps keep trying 
And if you fail, don't feel it is something wrong with you. It is so many people out there and some will be into you, while others not.


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