# My Sister has Ignored me for Years



## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

My sister lives in California and I live in New York City for the past 4 or 5 years. Growing up, we had a pretty bad relationship, I always thought she hogged all the attention and dominated while I was left behind. She was always the good kid with high grades and friends and I was the opposite. 

For the past 10 or 15 years or longer, I have tried seeing her when she visits NY, bought her expensive gift cards, tons of tickets to games with me. In all that time, she never that I can remember ever got me any real gifts or invited me out anywhere. 

She has carple tunnel, but every time I see my mom and dad she is constantly texting them while I am there, but she hasn't texted me more than once or twice in the entire last year. 

I don't even know why I care so much, it seems she doesn't care about me and probably never did. I made a HUGE EFFORT to establish a relationship and since I have stopped texting her she has not texted me on her own more than probably 5 times in the past 10 years. 

How do I stop caring that she wants nothing to do with me? I just want to move on from her without feeling bitter or resentment. I feel like everything is unresolved because when I am direct and I tell her how I feel she denies it all.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

It's hard to move on when a relationship has been unresolved. I have the same sort of relationship with my older brother. We have a lot of bad history. I've tried to reach out to him, but he's rejected me. We haven't spoken in years, not even when I went to visit my parents (he lives in their house) last Christmas. 

My family assumes I hate him. I don't. What I hate is that there's this barrier of silence surrounding him. I can't even discuss him with my parents, much less talk to him directly. He's more distant to me than a complete stranger. 

I wish there was an easy answer, but the sad truth is that if she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't. I would work at maintaining the relationships with the people who do care about you. I have three other siblings who I am on good terms with and that means a lot to me.


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## cmed (Oct 17, 2009)

That has to suck. Well if she doesn't want you to be a part of her life then maybe cut off contact completely? I mean no texts, no emails, no gifts, not even Facebook likes. For holidays send everyone gifts accept for her? I don't know, that seems really manipulative and crude but maybe it's necessary and maybe she'll have a revelation when she notices that happening and try to reach out once in a while. You have to be willing to forgive and forget if she does though. Sometimes people need to be completely cut off when they're not meeting you halfway, but then again with family it may be different.

I really don't know what to say. That's a tough situation that I've never been in.


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

Thanks for the responses. My sister sent me a brief E-mail asking how I was. I just have to hope that she wants some type of long-distance relationship, as distant as it would be.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

Send a birthday and Christmas card one year, if you get nothing back stop sending and drop contact all together unless she invites you out.

I see my sister but she is the same way I always seem to make the effort to do something and she doesn't do anything with me, doesn't want to. We don't even hug when we say goodbye we just say bye. We still exchange birthday/Christmas gifts but if my parents weren't alive would we still talk, I don't know...


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## Conquer Fear (Aug 11, 2013)

keithp said:


> Send a birthday and Christmas card one year, if you get nothing back stop sending and drop contact all together unless she invites you out.
> 
> I see my sister but she is the same way I always seem to make the effort to do something and she doesn't do anything with me, doesn't want to. We don't even hug when we say goodbye we just say bye. We still exchange birthday/Christmas gifts but if my parents weren't alive would we still talk, I don't know...


Yea, at this point I would actually be happier if she told me she phucking hated me and didn't care about me, as opposed to killing me with phony kindness and not trying to resolve any of our issues.

One side of my family is white/jewish and they all act so damn overpolite with you but then either stab you in the back or snap at you sarcastically when you least expect it. They are so damn unpredictable and are never upfront about anything. Black and spanish parents are the best cause growing up if the kids ***** up they smack them in the head or curse at them, which honestly is just as good a technique as what my parents used haha


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