# Do guys just care about looks?



## harrisonm (Jul 22, 2008)

My sister tells me that in order to get a boyfriend, i have to "put myself out there." 
in other words, i could be the nicest girl in the world and no one would notice unless i had the looks to get thier attention frst. 
i was wondering, do guys really evaluate appearances first, and ask questions later?

:stu


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## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

I'm not going to say all guys. But yes, I am interested in approaching a girl if she looks attractive to me. There are sometimes if she says something or does something that interests me (common interests for example) that I will approach regardless of looks.

Overall, I do approach based on looks.


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## Jaded_ (Jul 25, 2008)

Yes, as far as I can tell (and in my experience) it's all about appearance for men.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

A girl needs to be good-looking to get my attention. I'm not going to approach a girl I don't know unless she's attractive to me. But to remain interesting she needs more than just looks (they get old after a while).


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Yes. I think most guys won't notice you unless they are somewhat attracted to you at first. The good news for you is that every guy is different, so you may not look attractive to one guy, but another guy might think you're a hottie.


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## X33 (Feb 13, 2005)

Jaded_ said:


> Yes, as far as I can tell (and in my experience) it's all about appearance for men.


yeah plenty of research says guys are "visual creatures." It seems so superficial and shallow but I guess that's how we (As in males) are wired.


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## juice (Nov 21, 2006)

Well, I don't approach ANYONE. But lets say I didn't have this crippling fear of people, then yea you most likely would have to be at least somewhat attractive to get approached. That being said, there's nothing stopping you from approaching others... besides the anxiety of course :afr.


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## StrangeSpirit (May 10, 2008)

I'm not like that, I have never dated (or even really talked to girls, sigh...) and even though an extremely attractive girl might draw my attention at first, I think it would be personality that would determine weather I would want to approach her. Thats not to say I don't have any physical standers, but probably less (or at least different) than most guys. You can try "putting your self out there" but you may not like the type of guys that will be drawn to you.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Yes, guys "just care about looks" in that if you're not pretty, then you might as well be a lamp or something.

Unless you want to date transgender people like me you're going to have to look pretty everytime you go out.


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

Personally, i don't put much stock in appearance, i don't really care about that stuff.

Personality is what matters.

Limits to it though, i'm not a saint. If somebody looks just repulsive, i probably wouldn't be able to get past that.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

shyvr6 said:


> Yes. I think most guys won't notice you unless they are somewhat attracted to you at first. The good news for you is that every guy is different, so you may not look attractive to one guy, but another guy might think you're a hottie.


 :ditto


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## Jellybeanz (Jul 1, 2008)

I think everyone has their standards of what they find attractive, and that's no problem. But I've met so many guys who are lacking in the looks department but reject and criticize the looks of women who are just as attractive or more attractive than them. I wonder if it has something to do with the prevalence of mismatched couples on tv or something- the overweight balding dude with the thin model looking wife. I dunno, it's a head-scratcher.

Edited to add that I don't want to sound like I'm claiming most men are this way, or that there aren't women who are stuck on appearances also


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

I don't know. There are a lot of girls who I don't consider the least bit physically attractive who still manage to get a lot of dates and have meaningful relationships. :stu It could be because different guys have vastly different tastes. Looks matter, but probably not as much as you think they do. Attraction is a very mysterious process...


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## sno (May 27, 2008)

To turn the tables on this thing, consider all the women who tolerate men with wretched personalities because they're handsome.


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

Noca said:


> shyvr6 said:
> 
> 
> > Yes. I think most guys won't notice you unless they are somewhat attracted to you at first. The good news for you is that every guy is different, so you may not look attractive to one guy, but another guy might think you're a hottie.
> ...


 :ditto so true. Still easier for women though. We have to do most of the work for the most part. However if you are a man and want to get a hot girl you better have lots of money.


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## Jaded_ (Jul 25, 2008)

Jellybeanz said:


> I think everyone has their standards of what they find attractive, and that's no problem. But I've met so many guys who are lacking in the looks department but reject and criticize the looks of women who are just as attractive or more attractive than them. I wonder if it has something to do with the prevalence of mismatched couples on tv or something- the overweight balding dude with the thin model looking wife. I dunno, it's a head-scratcher.


Me too. I've known males who would criticize or just outright "bad mouth" mismatched couples in spite of their own lack in the looks department (to be fair, I've also known women to do the same as well). I've always assumed it to be related to their own personal frustration in regards to women. As for the "overweight balding guy with the thin model looking wife"... it's just an example of an age-old stigma of beauty being a _much_ more defining factor for women than it is for men.

Unfortunately, it's common for one to argue that the woman, in this instance, simply recognized other qualities in the man that compensated for the lack of attractiveness... wealth becoming the main assumption by most, that he's obviously loaded to be able to hang-on to looker like her. (Stop me if I'm being too presumptuous). Of course, this isn't true for every "mismatched" pair in which the female is deemed more attractive than the male. Personally, I know a married couple in which this stigma can be attached to, the man not possessing a lot of money (in fact I think she brings in more income), but they are both very much happy with each other. It isn't always about money. And there are plenty more couples like this than people care to acknowledge.

Maybe a large part of me is still a major cynic, but I believe there are features one may possess that is "universally" appealing to the opposite sex. For a female, the more of these she lacks, the less likely she will be to nail dates, let alone find a life partner. Depressing really.


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## harrisonm (Jul 22, 2008)

indeed. since im not attractive -at all-, i guess i'll have to learn to be happy on my own.
i'll deal, though.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

The guys who care ONLY about looks are guys who just want sex and nothing more. 

I can't lie though. Physical attraction is a must for me, in addition to sharing common interests and views, for a relationship to work out.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

I worked with this girl...26-years-old, a little bat sh!t crazy, and not the most beautiful girl in the world...but she was a wild child brimming with confidence and a quick smile and she bagged herself a hot 23-year-old.
I've known so many people that no one would consider traditionally attractive and to me they've been so attractive because of a smile and a radiance.


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## HumiliatedGuy (Jan 13, 2008)

If a guy only cares about looks, then they're not worth it anyway.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

looks are subjective so I think the bottom line is it matters. just like anything else. personality, money, looks, health, education, etc. two cents


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

No, not all guys.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I've an urge to say this, that I approached a guy once while feeling courageous, brave and decided to 'exchange numbers'. I approached him, but wasn't really thinking "oh he's really cute", as I only saw him from really, really far away, walking around in a bookstore and thought his "far-away" profile looked really nice. I was also thinking "Oh he seems really date-able, friendly, talkative" which was true and so that's what made me approach him. I really wasn't looking for looks or anything _physical_ to happen, probably for a friendship and potentially more. Well, I got up closer to him, and got a look at him up close and was a little disappointed but decided to give it a chance as I didn't really know him and thought I could get to know him. He had bad teeth, stained, kind of a crooked jaw, was a heavy smoker and just really wasn't my type. And while talking on the phone later, he on admitted he was "ugly-looking" or not a looker or best-looking guy around. (and asked me if I was physically attracted to him which I wasn't really). However, he initially thought that I decided to approach him purely for his looks, which was not the thing in my case. It didn't work out, ultimately. Edit: Which is to say that in the dating arena, I think guys are more influenced by looks than they perceive and that if a girl likes them, it's for their looks, (maybe) and the same goes the other way. Looks are important, yeah, but can be overlooked by many other things about a person, so that's just my opinion).


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## SaigeJones (Mar 17, 2008)

harrisonm said:


> i was wondering, do guys really evaluate appearances first, and ask questions later?


Yes. Women do it as well.


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## Pinzelhead (Mar 14, 2007)

When I was around them I would suddenly get strong attraction and infatuation feelings with women who had very little looks but only if there was some sort of personality quirk about her that made her seem odd to others or there was something else like she would be interested in something I was. There would be heaps of other reasons besides looks. Being nice to me would always trick me into liking a girl, being shy and quiet would often work.


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## Cosmin (Mar 16, 2007)

-


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## Fanciful Unicorn (Jul 19, 2007)

Yeah, looks matter to everyone.

Which kinda sucks for me :stu


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

even subconsciously, looks matter the same as if our bathroom is dirty or clean, or our natural want to see nice things. i think even if people dont 'go' for looks, its just healthier to be around good lookin people. (unless ur mind reacts a traumatic way to good lookin people) like me. I would prefer ppl with not good looks, because good looks make me anxious.


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## dyingtolive (Jul 15, 2008)

i will feel more safe around someone who is just avg.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

Jellybeanz said:


> But I've met so many guys who are lacking in the looks department but reject and criticize the looks of women who are just as attractive or more attractive than them.


Yes . . . I can't stand this. Especially when guys are actually complaining about not being able to get a _hot_ girl because _they're_ too ugly or fat.

I agree that everyone cares about looks to some extent and that preferences vary.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

sanria22 said:


> I've an urge to say this, that I approached a guy once while feeling courageous, brave and decided to 'exchange numbers'. I approached him, but wasn't really thinking "oh he's really cute", as I only saw him from really, really far away, walking around in a bookstore and thought his "far-away" profile looked really nice. I was also thinking "Oh he seems really date-able, friendly, talkative" which was true and so that's what made me approach him. I really wasn't looking for looks or anything _physical_ to happen, probably for a friendship and potentially more.


Interesting story, would be nice if more girls took that sort of a chance.


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## Jaded_ (Jul 25, 2008)

PGVan said:


> The guys who care ONLY about looks are guys who just want sex and nothing more.


I'd just like to make a general point. Whether or not a man _only_ cares for looks and sex, a woman would still need to possess good looks regardless - since on average men won't consider her as a partner if there is no physical attraction. The outcome would be the same either way for the woman.


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

Jaded_ said:


> PGVan said:
> 
> 
> > The guys who care ONLY about looks are guys who just want sex and nothing more.
> ...


Except women go for money over looks.


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## Jaded_ (Jul 25, 2008)

Peace99 said:


> Jaded_ said:
> 
> 
> > PGVan said:
> ...


That is just a stigma, which people can plainly see if they are willing to see past their own views on the matter. I've already voiced my thoughts on this in an earlier post. Just because the media propagates this doesn't make it the be all end all while the reality is quite different. Those real women who do not place finances above all else (the number being much higher than people care to realize in spite of the general assumption) are cut short if they are lacking in physical attraction.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

sh*t, i'm a guy and i wouldn't mind me finding a sugar momma, haha


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Hey guys and gals,

I apologize to myself if I haven't read the whole thread, but I just want to share. I've worked with an older, double my age, female therapist, and her personality, warmth, and ridiculous concerned towards at me and for me, turned me on (romantically and emotionally) ridiculously on later during us working together. And again this person was old and that you can see her wrinkles on her face, yet again for me, her personality and concerned for me, glowed so bad that I just wanted her. 

So meaning what?

Personally again, I don't necessarily think looks is what people care about. 

And I don't mean to be mean or directive, but I'm sorry you have that concern with yourself, Maya.

There are many things you could do of course. You could try your best in looking good such as getting in shape and dressing in a way (if not extreme) that would attract potential guys, developing your hobbies and interests, working on your personality and relationships issues in being more whole and loving. And hopefully, a really authentic loving guy will feel attracted to you and accept you lovingly and unconditionally for the person you really are.


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

..


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

Peace, you are completely right, a lot of women do marry men for their money.

But on the flip side of the coin, the same men that are married to those gold diggers are marrying those women for their looks.

In the end, the gold digging women and the superficial men are like two peas in a pod. They are meant for eachother and they exclude themselves from the dating pool and let all the normal folk be.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

> The other thing women go after is famous men/athletes/wwe wrestlers but that's another issue.


I can understand the gold digging thing, but the whole famous thing is something I never figured out.

I went to high school with some kids that were in a heavy metal band that was somewhat big. They got played on MTV, toured on Ozzfest. Anyhow, the girls at my school went absolutely bat sh*t crazy over these guys. It didn't matter if they actually liked their music or not, every girl in my high school was waiting in line to date these guys and they had to be the biggest douch* bags I had ever personally known.

They could demean could just about any girl publically and it wouldn't make the least bit of difference, they would still go crazy for them.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

^ Fame relates to power. If you're famous, you have more "pull" than the average person (or it's at least perceived). Power is just as good as money.


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## Peace99 (May 27, 2008)

colonelpoop said:


> Peace, you are completely right, a lot of women do marry men for their money.
> 
> But on the flip side of the coin, the same men that are married to those gold diggers are marrying those women for their looks.
> 
> In the end, the gold digging women and the superficial men are like two peas in a pod. They are meant for eachother and they exclude themselves from the dating pool and let all the normal folk be.


I agree with what your saying. Both are at fault. I was just trying to make a point that men aren't the only ones with a fault. 
Bottom line is there are good men and women out there, who are not superficial and after only money or looks. There are kind genuine people out there who want more than that.


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## HumiliatedGuy (Jan 13, 2008)

Just Lurking said:


> ^ Fame relates to power. If you're famous, you have more "pull" than the average person (or it's at least perceived). Power is just as good as money.


I look at it from an evolutionary standpoint. Women want someone who can provide resources for themselves and her children. A woman needs protection for the children and also herself when she is pregnant, when she is "doubly" vulnerable.

Fame and money both go under the category of social status and/or power. Social status and power allows the female access to more resources.

Here's an example. Let's take someone who is not wealthy but has many powerful friends because of his high status within a company. Because of his social status, he has access to friends who can provide resources (not necessarily money). If he has a friend who is a good doctor, then the woman can get advice which in turn helps out with "protection" for her and her children.

This is changing somewhat as women themselves gain more power. These more independent women will seek those men who can provide emotional support and devotion.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I dont care as much about looks anymore. I just want a good personality with someone who isnt repulsive looking.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I actually thought that the OP was just talking about first impressions rather than getting to know them, and eventually liking them for their personalities, and not just for their looks.


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## Pure Maniak (Jul 27, 2008)

repulsive lookin lol yall hate to be judged but use tat word hmmm


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

yes, to some point.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

On the plus side, us guys can finally stop worrying about being socially competent. Now we just gotta make a lot of money!

Sounds a hell of a lot easier than working on my social skills and I can probably land me a much hotter babe too : )


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

colonelpoop said:


> On the plus side, us guys can finally stop worrying about being socially competent. Now we just gotta make a lot of money!
> 
> Sounds a hell of a lot easier than working on my social skills and I can probably land me a much hotter babe too : )


and once she gets old you can just dump her for a younger one. brilliance

......now how do i get rich.....


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

I know! We can all be 80 years old and still rocking the sheets with hot 20 sumthins! 

I was thinking we could just get Noca to sell his narcotics on the black market and he could split the cost evenly with all of us here on the board. The kid's sittin on a gold mine and he doesn't even realize it.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I'm a girl and being attracted to the person matters the most. If your not attracted to him then you probably never want to be with him.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I think until I get old (like 50+) looks matter the most when choosing a girlfriend. At least initially, although I'm not super picky, you gotta be physically attracted to the person.


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