# Singing in public



## Wherewolf (Jan 16, 2020)

Hello everyone,

I‘ve recently started seeing a therapist about my social anxiety and I wonder, if what she suggested is actually a valid instrument of professional behavioural therapy or psychotherapy in general. She suggested things like singing in publing, talking very loud on the public transportation, begging... She said, after doing that for a while I would realise that people don‘t care about what I‘m doing just like they don‘t care about anything I would do, so after that I would feel more free to behave more confidently and without a fear what others might think. 

Well that sounds like extreme actions and I can‘t imagine being able to do that. Besides that, I myself for example actually care when someone e.g. talks or sings loud on the public transportation. That‘s annoying to me and I‘m sure, not just to me, so I doubt people wouldn’t care if I were to do that. That makes me question my therapist‘s professionalism.

By googling, unfortunately I wasn‘t able to find anything on that. Could anyone help me in that regard?

Thanks


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

I guess the key is baby steps, so asking you to do that seem like a bit of an extreme step initially. But maybe she can gauge that this is a good starting step for you base on how bad your social anxiety is perhaps.



> Besides that, I myself for example *actually care* when someone e.g. talks or sings loud on the public transportation. That's annoying to me and I'm sure, not just to me, so I doubt people *wouldn't care* if I were to do that.


The underlined words are where most of your social anxiety rests upon, so I figure singing in public is a way to try to force you to confront and expose yourself to trigger your social anxiety and to hopefully try to get desensitize to it.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Her suggestion isn't too uncommon because I've heard it before, but I think she's an idiot. People assuredly *do* care if you sing, talk too loud on the bus, or beg. You can get away with it, but people will hate you and if you have a conscience you'll come to hate yourself for it. Unless you're training to become a criminal, it's not useful to find out what bad things you can usually get away with.

Her theory is that you need to desensitize yourself so you can eliminate your filters and say whatever comes to mind. I think that's a fundamental misjudgment of the problem which will backfire in decent people. And it reinforces black and white thinking, where the only choices are to act totally inconsiderate or totally hide yourself -- which will lead to you flipping back to doing the latter. Your goal should be to _train/trust your filters to work correctly_ so you can express the correct shade of gray without having to worry about going to the extremes.

Now, there is value in learning to take risks and make mistakes and accept that the mistakes aren't a big deal. But I don't believe aiming for the mistake is the way to go about it. Aim for something you actually want.


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## HannaB (Dec 25, 2019)

A couple of years back now, there was a story about an American Airlines flight that made an emergency landing when one of their passengers refused to stop singing at the top of her lungs. LOL  People DO care!


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

Some of that seems like pretty bad advice. I do care when people are talking really loud in public. I don't like loud noises. Begging is also a violation of my space and boundaries. The ones that just stand with signs are fine, but I do not like it when people come up to me and beg. I deal with that occasionally at truck stops when I'm fueling my truck. I just want to be left alone. Singing doesn't bother me though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dispatch (Jun 25, 2019)

... your therapist may be mad


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

You have a bad therapist.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Sing Celine dion "my heart will go on"


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## aqwsderf (Aug 16, 2013)

Everyone saying you would care if people sang loudly or begged...but would you even remember the person who did it? It'd probably be like "some guy was singing loudly on the train today" but it wouldnt be something youd take with you for the rest of your day or even week. I think that's the rationale behind it. That even though you do something disruptive people will still be more preoccupied with themselves than with you.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I think it's bad advice. Too much too soon, would just do more harm than good I'd say.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I guess if you can sing, singing in public would seem as natural as talking in public as long as everyone is doing it (I can't think of many settings where that actually happens). Bursting out in song on the bus or the elevator where no one else is even speaking is probably gonna be super awkward and will likely result in intense embarrassment. Which does not seem like a good thing to me.

Even if you can sing well, you WILL obviously attract attention to yourself by being the only person singing.


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## Dispatch (Jun 25, 2019)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You have a bad therapist.


I concur ...


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