# Losing friends because of mental health.



## humblelulu (Jun 2, 2008)

I often look at other people in the streets or online or where ever and admire their ability to have effortless friendships. Even if they have other problems in their life, theyre at least able to socialise okay. When i'm struggling however, I find it so difficult to get the energy or find the words to speak to friends. But that's actually when i need them the most. I do have a few friends that ask how I am when they notice i'm being quiet, as they've learnt to recognise it's a sign im not doing well. And I really appreciate them taking the time to message me, it actually makes my day go better knowing that even if im finding it difficult to socialise, that my friends still care enough to stay by my side. 
This past year though I lost a few friends, it was purely because I couldn't hang out with them as much as they wanted (because of my social phobia/anxiety getting worse to the point of barely being able to leave the house) and also because I couldn't talk as frequently as they wanted me to. I always appologised and explained why I was quiet (because i was struggling) but they never seemed to understand . At a time that I need as many friends as I can, because im doing super badly atm. It just feels really upsetting to lose friends because of how badly im doing. I already feel unworthy of friends enough as it is, but having people actually leave me because of my issues is just super heartbreaking. 
It makes me feel like as long as I have social anxiety, that I'll never be able to have a life like other people have. It's so so diffuclt getting the energy to talk to people when all you think about is not wanting to live all day. Thinking how dissapointing you are and a failure you are. I've been kinda numb for the past few months where i couldnt think of what to say because all that was filling my head was either nothingness or negative stuff. And because I don't ever want to burden anyone with how i feel, i tend to go quiet during those times. and then speak when im feeling a bit more up beat or having a good day. I decided to just be honest with a few friends towards the end of last year as i was worried i was going to lose even more friends, and so i just outrightly said i was struggling with anxiety and depression really badly and that was why i wasnt my usual chatty self. I had a really positive reaction from a bunch of them and theyve been supportive since and will message me now and then to check in on me, which is very sweet. I just can't get past the feeling of being let down by the friends who have left. To me true friendship is when youre there for someone at their worst and their best, but it seems a lot of people these days put too many high standards on you even when youre at your lowest, and if youre not the person they want you to be then youre not good enough to be their friend anymore. 

Like I said its not the case with everyone, as i do have good friends still who i am so grateful I know. I just wish that when it came to stuff like mental health..whether its anxiety, depression, etc etc. people should stick together surely? more than anything! Mental health problems are well known for making you feel alone in the world and sad, so having compassion, patience and understanding from people/friends means the world during those times. It can help someone potentially get better and out of their bad situation. I don't blame the friends i had for leaving, but I'm just dissapointed that its because of my mental health. Knowing that had i not being going through a super bad time in my life, id likely still have those friends still now, because id be more enjoyable for them to want to stick around. 

That being said, be grateful of the good people in your life. I've learnt from all this that no matter what you say to some or do, they will always think what they want about you. You can only do your best in life, and if youre struggling then you shouldnt be made to feel bad for it. you make yourself feel bad enough as it is, you don't need someone else to make you feel worse for it. You need to surround yourself with people who care and help you grow. I've spent far too much of my time these past few months beating myself up over the fact being depressed meant id lose friends. It made me feel even more unworthy and upset. But the truth is no one is unworthy, everyone deserves friends, even in their darkest moments. it sucks losing people because of it, but it's good in a way too, because it shows you which are the true life long friends, and which are the ones youre better parting ways with. Everyone wants different things from friendships, I get that, and I respect everyone is different. So just focus on what makes you happy and what helps you. if taking things slow and finding people who are patient and understanding with you helps, then do that. There are plenty of those people out there


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