# Accessing unexpressed anger



## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

For a while now my therapist has suggested that I need to get better at resolving one particular emotion: anger. I have always tried to be a very steady person and most people in my life have never seen me angry at all. To the world I am exceedingly mild-mannered. Inwardly I'm lonely and miserable, but I'm not usually aware of feeling angry at anyone, except myself.

Through therapy I've come to realize that many of my private fantasies - like the fantasy of getting beaten up in public, which I've discussed here before - are symptomatic of buried, unresolved rage. But beyond that I haven't made much progress. I still have those fantasies, and I still don't know how to find or express anger without directing it back at myself.

It just... doesn't feel safe, I guess. I mean, who am I to get angry at anyone? I was never molested or abused by my parents. My life is all my fault.

Anyone else have issues like this, in therapy or otherwise? How do you resolve emotions you're not even conscious of?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Hm.. tough one. I can relate because I'm the queen of unresolved emotions. Maybe try talking it over with your therapist and clarify what kinds of methods she thinks would help?


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## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

sanria22 said:


> Hm.. tough one. I can relate because I'm the queen of unresolved emotions. Maybe try talking it over with your therapist and clarify what kinds of methods she thinks would help?


Yeah, I think this is definitely on tap for our next session.

It's just weird, because when she brought the issue up for a long time I didn't believe her. I thought 'I don't have a lot of anger. I'm a nice guy.' Now I'm coming around to the idea that she's right, but it's strange, because this means the anger is buried so deep that I can't even feel it, at least not directly. I'm not used to thinking about my own mind this way.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Discuss it in detail with your therapist.

I could offer advice from my perspective but I think this is best looked at by someone who is working with you on a one to one, regular basis.


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## WanderingSoul (Apr 22, 2012)

I've been trying to figure out ways to get unresolved anger out of my psyche. Have you tried EMDR? I heard it can uncover lots of buried emotions.


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## fm5827 (Mar 7, 2011)

I feel I can relate a little, I'm so calm and mild mannered around people that I let them push me around so much that all my anger bottles up inside. I'm really scared one day that it will all release at once and something really bad might happen.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

My mum has a similar problem. She was raised by very narcissistic and somewhat abusive parents and she has always had a hard time realising that she is anrgy about it. As a result she has suffered from depression most of her adult life and has had very low self-esteem. She is beginning to overcome this with CBT and with the added bonus of my relentless rationality. 

I have always had the opposite problem of finding difficulty in containing my anger. It has always seemed so alien to me that some one can actually repress their emotions in this way...


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