# How do you react when you feel excluded by a group?



## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

Almost no one likes to be excluded, it goes against our basic human nature. So how do you react when you are being excluded by any group whether it is at school or anywhere else?


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## Diacetylmorphine (Mar 9, 2011)

I just sit there, or try and make an excuse to escape. Initiate flight response!!!


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

i faced exclusion one or more times when i was with a friend, and a friend of my friend, who i didn't know nearly as well as he did. like because sometimes they would whisper to each other and i would be dismayed. people are sensitive to whispering around them. i am no exception. so dismay that was my reaction. i didn't call them out for whispering because i didn't want to appear upset by their private whispering, and reveal that i was hurt by it. so i kept my dismay to myself.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think most of the time now that I'm not there to be excluded. Before I think I was often apprehensive about being included and would try to exclude myself. I always felt weird in saying "no" when someone would coax you into doing something anyhow. I guess I'm messed up.


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## Melanie J (Apr 10, 2013)

This has happened a lot to me. Maybe I say or do something wrong. Or maybe I'm not pretty enough, or not out there enough. Maybe i'm too nice or maybe I don't make sense. I tend to endure the situation in silence or get up and leave (sometimes theyre the ones who get up and leave instead).


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

I generally say something along the lines of "**** you" in my head. Yeah.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

I'm outwardly indifferent but I do get pissed off. Like a girl in my group doesn't really direct her attention to me when discussing our assignment - only to the guy. It just seems like they are more easy going party types, so she gravitates more towards him? 

Anyhow, I'm pissed off cos it's so rude.. What I plan to do is direct my attention and talk mostly with the guy, concerning our assignment. She really needs to know how it feels to be a ghost.


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## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

catcharay said:


> I'm outwardly indifferent but I do get pissed off. Like a girl in my group doesn't really direct her attention to me when discussing our assignment - only to the guy. It just seems like they are more easy going party types, so she gravitates more towards him?
> 
> Anyhow, I'm pissed off cos it's so rude.. What I plan to do is direct my attention and talk mostly with the guy, concerning our assignment. She really needs to know how it feels to be a ghost.


I have had experiences similar to this as well.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

I guess because we are seemingly introverted and they think we aren't worth the attention. They are so silly


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## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

catcharay said:


> I guess because we are seemingly introverted and they think we aren't worth the attention. They are so silly


It definitely feels awful and I think it has stronger affects than people realize. After having gone through it more than enough times, it's a situation I try hard to avoid.

I'm sorry you had to go through that as well.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

It lowers my self esteem


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## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

First option. I hate and am terrified of being where I am not wanted.


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

I leave but I don't even bother to excuse myself because it isn't like anywhere cares I'm going.


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## march_hare (Jan 18, 2006)

Endure. I have been tempted to walk out of places before, but I reasoned that the consequences would be worse than just sitting there and trying not to look bothered.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I leave. Nobody would notice, anyway.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

Yeah, I just walk away. Nobody has ever stopped their conversation and been like 'NO, don't leave! Please, stay here and talk to us!' Haha. I don't even really think about it anymore when it happens.


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

"I excuse myself and try to hide somewhere." - Probably the most likely outcome for me out of all the choices listed here.

"I quietly endure the situation." - Unless I've somehow turned into a masochist, no.

"I attempt to hide my discomfort and try to join in whatever the group is doing or talking about." - Yeah, admittedly, I do this a lot. It often never works; sometimes only kinda works (but feels too weird and awkward to have anything more than a slight feeling of comfort).

"I cover up my feeling of being excluded really well, no one can tell I'm affected." - Not like covering up (or rather, just the mere attempt to) would make too much of a difference in this case. The people will see to it that I feel excluded. After all, how else are you gonna try to get a person that you don't want around your group to **** off?

"What? I am never excluded." - My joke answer to the thread, but I've already revealed enough.

"This poll is not comprehensive." - Well, yeah. It isn't. But this involves such a broad scope of possible scenarios that listing all of them would take forever anyway, and would probably just be better off asking the person what they usually do in the situation that they feel excluded. No harm done. Or you can put "Other; describe". That tends to work.

"I decline to vote." - Works better if we're talking about electing leaders for a country.


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## BlazingLazer (Jul 16, 2011)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> I hate and am terrified of being where I am not wanted.


Yep, same here. That's why I'll leave several moments before I actually KNOW for sure that I'm not wanted. My rationale was that it's better to leave a lot earlier and possibly miss out on something cool, than to ensure overstaying your welcome.



Soilwork said:


> I leave but I don't even bother to excuse myself because it isn't like anywhere cares I'm going.


I hear you on that. At times, I'll do and think exactly that because it would hurt more to excuse myself, only to not have anyone respond, or have someone give a generic, sheepish, mumbled response (which is sometimes worse than the former).



march_hare said:


> Endure. I have been tempted to walk out of places before, but I reasoned that the consequences would be worse than just sitting there and trying not to look bothered.


What makes you think that the consequesnces of leaving would be somehow worse than enduring? Just curious.



Evo1114 said:


> Yeah, I just walk away. Nobody has ever stopped their conversation and been like 'NO, don't leave! Please, stay here and talk to us!' Haha. I don't even really think about it anymore when it happens.


I've actually experienced the "NO, don't leave! Please, stay here and talk to us!" response before. Of course, there's the catch..... those people would harass me, but would to this because a) they would feel guilty about me leaving and b) they couldn't stand knowing that I had the ability to retreat; it was like "OH NO! Now who are we going to make fun of? We're screwed!".


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## CristianNC (Jun 24, 2012)

I go like "F*** you all!" and storm out like this: 









Jk, I try to cover up my feelings like always. It's starting to be too hard though.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

I just walk off. I'm never in group situations anyway o_o


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I usually quietly endure until I can take my leave


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## ashli116 (Feb 14, 2013)

I'm not the type who would quietly endure the situation, so I just excuse myself and walk away...if someone insists that i stay, I think of an excuse that would make them let me go...like my dog suddenly gave birth or something.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

That never happens to me because I'm always by myself to begin with, some people actually tried to bring me into their clique a few times but I always ended up just going away on my own again.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Silently endure, or attempt to slip away when I can without even saying anything (at school, this is very easy, whereas at organized social events it's harder to escape).


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## FireIsTheCleanser (Aug 16, 2011)

enfield said:


> i faced exclusion one or more times when i was with a friend, and a friend of my friend, who i didn't know nearly as well as he did. like because sometimes they would whisper to each other and i would be dismayed. people are sensitive to whispering around them. i am no exception. so dismay that was my reaction. i didn't call them out for whispering because i didn't want to appear upset by their private whispering, and reveal that i was hurt my it. so i kept my dismay to myself.


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## liberateme (Apr 8, 2013)

I chose the "this is not comprehensive" option.

The other day I stepped into the game room at my school and wasn't getting the attention that I wanted. I left quietly but I was angry. Maybe I'm conceited but I was outraged that they showed no interest in talking to me.


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## InimitableJeeves (Aug 27, 2012)

Sitting there in a group while everyone around you engages in wild verbal joy as I sit there a veritable ghost. At that moment you ask yourself internal questions as to why this is happening. What do I usually do? I usually endure it for a while when finally I just excuse myself.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

I just feel really weird and get quiet. I can't really say it is the same reaction across the board. But genially i believe I just feel off inside and a bit sad. But thats life. I do far better with adults. always have.


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