# Does anyone here have BDD(Body dysmorphic disorder)?



## Addi (Jan 3, 2008)

I don´t know about myself. Sometimes I think I have this and sometimes I don´t. I couldn´t get out of the house for 2 years because of this and after a couple of times in the summer I sometimes stayed inside for weeks and months. My doctor says I have this and I look normal, other hospital staff also always say the same thing, that I´m just normal. I don´t believe them. I think I´m right. When I see pictures of myself I see a monster. I feel like the hunchback of Notredame. Think I see people just stare at me like I´m a monster. It´s tough to see yourself like this. Thinking also you´re gonna be alone for the rest of your life cause you´re so ugly. I´m also convinced although my doc says it´s impossible that my skull really changed form, very much. Think it´s changing again. In the pictures new years eve I noticed my chin was alot bigger. I used to see veins all over my face and colors, yellow, green, blue. I´ve been this way for 8 years now. This blends in with the immense SA I have. It´s a really bad combination. Just wanna hear from those here that have BDD cause this is so rare a condition I have nobody to talk to about this but my doc. :sigh


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## Lilfly (Feb 16, 2007)

Hi Arni,

I don't think my condition constitutes BDD but I understand (to a degree) what you are saying...
Anytime I leave my house (rare) every hair has to be in place...make-up perfect...clothes just right..its a freckin nightmare. People around me say stuff like "don't worry so much, you look fine" or "we're not meeting the president"...and sometimes it is seen as vanity, which it is not...it's fear.
I relentlessly pick myself apart...feature by feature..and as I get older (which seems to be a sin for women in this country) the problem only gets worse.
I'm working with some 'self-talk' and unconditional self acceptance at this point. Not a 'cure' by any means...but it lets me, at least get out of the driveway.


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## Addi (Jan 3, 2008)

It´s a symptom of BDD to have to scrutinize one self everytime one goes out. Stand infront of the mirror going over everything, details. I spend time infront of the mirror going over myself even if I´m just going out to the hall, out with the trash or shopping for dinner. If something isn´t good enough I don´t go outside, if my hair stands out somewhere I don´t go out hehe. This is such a weird condition. Then I get someone in my family to shop for groceries for me. 

Do you feel like people are watching you, laughing at your appearance in their mind when you go somewhere, I do, and I expect someone to yell at me how ugly I am.

I think maybe positive affirmations can work, I don´t know about BDD but it once helped me with my phobia, maybe I´ll start again, give it a try. 

But I´m worried that when it gets hot here and bright I won´t be able to venture outside my apartment, it´s happened many times. I can´t show my hair.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i've never been diagnosed with it but i've done a lot of reading and i think i have a lot of the traits. i don't really talk openly about my appearance and how much i hate it and how much i obsess over it with my doctor and therapist. mostly because when i tell them i know they will be thinking "she really _is_ the ugliest girl ever" and i know whatever they say will be a lie. :/


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## Lilfly (Feb 16, 2007)

Yeah, I pretty much don't believe people when they say I look fine either...I don't think they're lying per se...just maybe their standards aren't quite as high as mine are (for myself).
And Arni, I have tried positive affirmations...and they have never worked for me..instead what I'm doing with the self-talk and unconditional acceptance is to say, for example:"OK, so I don't look that good maybe I really am (name a flaw). So what, I still have the right to exist..I still have the right to be in public...there are a lot of people with this problem and I see them out." That kind of 'self-talk'. It's geared more toward cooperation with your beliefs than in trying to refute them. I don't know, I just find it a more effective approach. I just wanted to pass it along for what it's worth.


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## nenad (Jan 3, 2008)

post deleted


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## hockeybabe (Nov 10, 2003)

For several years I was very self conscious of my chest/stomach area. I have scars on my chest (albeit very faint now) from several central line placements and I was always drawn to them right away if I looked in the mirror in a skimpier top. With my stomach I ended up with some really bad stretch marks and it took a while for them to go away. I found a low dose of celexa eased this symptom up.


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## Melmo (Jan 31, 2008)

I have been thinking I have this for about 6-7 months now. When I go out, my hair has to be perfect, if the wind blows my hair a certain wya, I get extremely self conscious about it. Throughout the day, I look in the mirror a lot. Maybe once every hour or two, scrutinizing my appearance. 
I have kind of come to think, screw it, who cares what I look like, and have just gone through my life knowing im ugly, but sometimes I look in the mirror and get truly depressed about it, and not want to leave the house. I even call in sick from work, or consider quitting.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Accept yourself as you are. You are not here to live up to anyone else's expectations.


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## Pole Pig (Oct 30, 2007)

I think I have it. At least I hope so. Either that or I really am hideously ugly.

I read an article recently about how people who suffer from this problem actually perceive faces differently than normal people.

Here it is:

http://www.salon.com/mwt/mind_reader/20 ... ind_reader


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

I think (or more accurately hope) I have BDD but in reality I fear that I will just be told that I am in fact really, really ugly. 

Unfortunately for years I have believed that I was reasonably attractive and the reason why the occasional girl would stare at me was because they thought I was handsome.

I realise now that the reason girls have stared at me is because I am so weird looking. The fact that I am destined to spend my life alone because of my physical appearance is one I'm not dealing with very well at the moment.

I made the mistake of putting my picture on a website that rated you a '10' if you were 'hot' and a '1' if you were 'not'. I kept getting a '1' until I couldn't stand it any longer and removed my photo a day or two later. That episode really hurt me and now when I see a girl I like I find myself thinking she's lovely but...'catch yourself on, your a '1' remember'... she would never, ever be interested in me.

I feel such a fool, that all these years it has been obvious to people that I am really ugly and I'm only finding out now.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror closely examining the way I look. The first thing I do when I enter a building is check a mirror. At school, I run to the bathroom to check how I look as soon as I enter the building. Then, I get on the elevator to go to my floor, and then I immediately run to another bathroom to check a mirror again. I do that every day. I refuse to leave my home without makeup on, and I have to wear nice clothing even if I'm just running to the videostore. I wear make-up just to go to the gym. I always catch people staring at me, and I just assume that it's because I'm hideous and bizarre looking. I dread passing people in the streets, because I hate feeling that they're focused on how ugly I am. I hear people talking around me, and even if I can't make out what's being said, I twist their mumbles until I hear definitive critical remarks about my appearance. When I look at pictures of myself, I feel incredibly depressed. I can't stand to look at them, much less allow myself to be photographed. To me, my beliefs are all valid and acceptable, because I am completely heinous looking. I highly doubt that I have BDD, simply because I think you have to be remotely attractive in the first place. Otherwise, it's just low self-esteem or something.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Every woman who is married or has had a date in the last year yet thinks that she is a bit overweight and needs to get a makeover (read: fat and ugly), has BDD.

This is probably like 90% of the female population (how many women wouldn't be happy if they lost an extra five pounds, even if they're under average weight?).


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Drella said:


> I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror closely examining the way I look. The first thing I do when I enter a building is check a mirror. At school, I run to the bathroom to check how I look as soon as I enter the building. Then, I get on the elevator to go to my floor, and then I immediately run to another bathroom to check a mirror again. I do that every day. I refuse to leave my home without makeup on, and I have to wear nice clothing even if I'm just running to the videostore. I wear make-up just to go to the gym. I always catch people staring at me, and I just assume that it's because I'm hideous and bizarre looking. I dread passing people in the streets, because I hate feeling that they're focused on how ugly I am. I hear people talking around me, and even if I can't make out what's being said, I twist their mumbles until I hear definitive critical remarks about my appearance. When I look at pictures of myself, I feel incredibly depressed. I can't stand to look at them, much less allow myself to be photographed. To me, my beliefs are all valid and acceptable, because I am completely heinous looking. I highly doubt that I have BDD, simply because I think you have to be remotely attractive in the first place. Otherwise, it's just low self-esteem or something.


all of this is exactly what i go through too.

i check mirrors so much it's ridiculous. as an example, i check four differenct mirrors/reflections when just going in the building to work. at home while i'm getting ready i'll check a variety of different mirrors with different lighting.

this is a huge issue from me but i hide it from my psychiatrist and therapist because i know they will just notice how hideous i am and agree with me. and honestly i don't think i can have BDD if i am this ugly.

(actually when i was hospitalized for suicidal ideation on two seperate occaisions this was one of the main reasons why i was going to kill myself. but i never revealed it to any of the doctors because i know they would just secretly agree with me and i can tell if they said any differently that they would be lying.)


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

Does anyone else find it strange that while we are contantly craving reassurances about our looks, when someone does say 'you look fine' we totally disregard them and think they are just lying? 
I mean, what are we looking for?

I would find it a big help if we all could be put into groups or something and all the hot people would be given A's all the way down to us in the XXXX's. At least this way you would know where you stand and it would avoid you falling for someone you just do not ever have a chance with.

It freaks me out that occasionally a really pretty girl will smile at me and say hello. It makes me annoyed, people like that shouldn't even acknowledge my existance, it isn't fair, they inhabit a different stratosphere and it just ends up making my head even more messed up than it already is.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

^^ They never do that to me. So now you know that there are some people uglier than you are.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Ken_Noddy said:


> Does anyone else find it strange that while we are contantly craving reassurances about our looks, when someone does say 'you look fine' we totally disregard them and think they are just lying?
> I mean, what are we looking for?


"disqualifying the positive", i do it all the time. i often think back to any "compliments" i received about my looks and find excuses for every single one and i conclude that none of them were sincere, and they were either said out of pity or sarcasm or something to that affect. yet i believe that the few negative reactions i've gotten about my appearance are 100% true and even if one person said that, i'm positive everyone else feels the same but lies and i can't see it any differently.

although i find that sometimes i get stuck and i can't find excuses or reasonsns why someone complimented me - mostly because they seem very sincere. these really confuse me and i think it must be some fluke or the person obviously hasn't actually looked at me... even though if i had been around that person a lot i still refuse to believe that it is true. eh.. i don't know. it's pretty weird. i can't ever take compliments "as they are" and constantly find excuses.


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

Yeah, I'm the same. I'm always seeing the negative side of things, wondering what is the ulterior motive to any compliments made.

I find that I generalise way too much as well. If I go out for a walk and I come across a group of teenagers, I immediately get anxious and intimidated as I expect them to poke fun and humiliate me. This never seems to happen but I always find the excuse that I was just lucky and got away with it on that particular occasion. My confidence maybe builds a little and then all of a sudden I meet a group of teenage girls and when they see me they say 'oh my god' and I'm right back down in the gutter once again.


There is another point which I can't quite get my head around at the moment:

I may be mistaken but I believe I have read posts on here from people (mainly girls I think) saying that they doubt that they have BDD and instead are just really unattrative. 

They then go on to mention that they have a boyfriend! Forgive me but I don't understand this? If they are as unattractive as they say they are then surely they would not have a partner? When you think about it, is that not what attractiveness is all about? Attracting someone. They have succeeded in doing this so in my opinion they cannot be considered unattractive.
Now I'm not for one minute saying that anyone here is lying but rather that the society we live in today has built up false expectations and benchmarks that we all feel we must live up to in order to fit in.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Ken_Noddy said:


> I may be mistaken but I believe I have read posts on here from people (mainly girls I think) saying that they doubt that they have BDD and instead are just really unattrative.
> 
> They then go on to mention that they have a boyfriend! Forgive me but I don't understand this? If they are as unattractive as they say they are then surely they would not have a partner? When you think about it, is that not what attractiveness is all about? Attracting someone. They have succeeded in doing this so in my opinion they cannot be considered unattractive.
> Now I'm not for one minute saying that anyone here is lying but rather that the society we live in today has built up false expectations and benchmarks that we all feel we must live up to in order to fit in.


yeah this is something that has especially confused me. i have no idea how i managed to get in a relationship. it didn't last long, but it still really perplexes me how he could have been attracted to me.


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out but, looking at it purely from a mathematical/ probability point of view, if there was only one person out there that was attracted to you, the odds of you managing to find them so soon are so astronomical that it simply can't be the case, there have to be others.

I'm not sure how much sense I'm making here but I can totally understand what your saying about your low confidence being the reason for the relationship finishing. I have exactly the same trouble, a lack of confidence really holds me back from doing alot of things and when people/ parents say that 'you've no reason not to be confident, you're tall, good looking and intelligent' it only makes me feel worse; it's like I've been given every opportunity to be a success yet I've still managed to mess things up.

When it comes to relationships, I seem to find all these excuses why someone shouldn't like me. 

It is like a series of hurdles;

the first hurdle is my appearance, most girls are going to be put off by such a repellant creature but say that is overcome somehow (don't ask me how, they are blind or something!) 

the next hurdle is my negative attitude and insecurity that they are about to come to their senses and leave me

then after that , they would realise that I'm such a boring person who has no friends and finds it difficult in social situations (hardly the perfect date!)

and finally, if all of the above haven't succeeded in putting a girl off, the fact that at 32 I have no sexual experience and can hardly be considered a perfect physical specimen should be enough to end things once and for all.

Wow, what a catch I am!

I mean, why should a girl have to put herself through that? There are plenty of guys out there only too happy to step in and they don't have these problems, they have the experience, they are simply better in every way.

I guess I have also had a bit of a sexist/selfish attitude in the past also, I had believed that girls didn't have these problems, they didn't know what it was like to feel unwanted and unlovable as no matter what they looked like there was always a man that was only too happy to be with them. 

I understand now that this is not the case, forgive me, I seem to have got a bit mixed up along the way!


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

I wonder if I do, I have some symptoms of it. Like just a few days ago I literally spent 3 hours just looking in the mirror and obsessing and fretting over my right eye. Looking at photographs of myself often causes instant depressive feelings. I know there's at least one guy in the world who finds me attractive but sometimes I wonder if his standards aren't just really low. I'm very insecure about the way I look, and even now I'm convinced that my bones/skull are underdeveloped or I was somehow undernourished as a kid or something, and it's a major, major part of my SA. There are some good days though, when I can accept the fact that I'm on the plain side and believe that being neat and taking care of yourself are the most important. I mean anyone can be born with a pretty face. Just 'cause you didn't get a winning ticket doesn't make you less worthy or deserving of happiness.


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## bchavez2 (Mar 6, 2005)

I know the feeling. I check myself in the mirror relentlessly. I do it before leaving for work, several times, I do it at work all day long and I do it on my way home in the car. BDD is such a crazy condition because its incredibly difficult to control. I get really sad sometimes, deeply depressed. Sometimes, I wish I were somebody else completely. Maybe that way I'd have a chance at a better more normal life. Everyone has issues, and most people's issues aren't a visual matter so you can't tell by looking at someone. I know most people don't know about my issues. People that know about BDD and SA can sometimes tell, but only if they know me or are around me long enough. I really really hope that someday, I'll be able to overcome this and that there'll be a strong chance of recovery for all people that suffer from BDD. I'm a positive person, I practice being positive everyday and I work on thinking of myself from positive perspectives, but its not always easy to keep that up. One things for sure, I'm not giving up. I refuse to go on thinking that I'm physically deformed for the rest of my life. Trust, I know the feeling


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## Ken_Noddy (Jan 31, 2008)

I'm really struggling today.

My horrible hair and my ugly face are the main things I hate about myself right now.

I have been trying to grow my hair longer so it would mask the fact that I'm going bald but the slightest bit of wind blows it about so much that I look ridiculous so I always wear a cap or a hat when I go out. I can't go on living like this.

I decided to get it cut, of course it had to be the really hot hairdresser this time, I'm sure she's never seen anyone so grotesque, but she cut way too much off, now I have this massive big forehead exposed and it really shows off my hideous features to everyone.
How am I going to face people and look them in the eye looking like this?


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## livingnsilence (Feb 4, 2008)

first I gotta say that I do the whol disregarding positive comments as lies thing all the time too and not just for my looks.

I'm pretty sure I have BDD. I constantly look at myself in the mirror and in photos and think about all my bad features. The next few things I do sound a little crazy. I meassure different parts of my body like the width of my head or the size of my nose a lot, I also measure my proportions and I compare the measurements to the averages found on the internet. I also measure the size of my forhead and width of my head in pics and do the same for the others in the pics and compare. I once read that babies tend to look longer at pretty faces than ugly ones so I if I ever see a baby look at me I try to see how long they look at me compared to how long they look at other people. I'm actually real comfortable about my body, it could be improved slightly but it's not necessary and most people would kill to have my body, it's my face I have problems with. Luckly I deal with BDD real well though; I don't think my looks will ever really hold me back in life so there is no reason to go through drastic measures to try to change them.


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## busstop (May 28, 2006)

BDD is killing me.


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## bchavez2 (Mar 6, 2005)

Well, anything that's a personal issue, if you're looking for answers, they all lie in you. Its NOT about what others are saying or in getting reassurance from others. Its all in yourself. So, I think that getting over some of the thoughts associated with BDD and SA, OCD even, its something that comes w/ work and practice. The more you practice saying positive things to youself (make a list of things to carry with you) and practice on negating the negative thoughts, the more rational your thinking becomes and consequently your conditions starts to lessen (intensity of). We're all human. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not so I know the feeling well. Sometimes, I feel so ugly and deformed that its almost like I'm not human or a creature of some sort. But deep down, I know that there's definitely something wrong with seeing myself this way. So, I WORK on my thoughts. Its the best solution there is. Get a work book, and start now. Because the longer you wait, the more it will stick to you. I'm not giving up on myself, and neither you or anyone here.


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## paranoid (Oct 17, 2006)

I think I might..my perception of how I look changes drastically, some days I think I'm ok, other days I feel so ugly I can't leave the house. Especially different mirrors, different lighting really confuses me how I really look. I check mirrors a lot too. I once recorded myself with a digital camera and moved around to see how others might see me and I was disgusted. I hide the camera now. I have an obsessive compulsion about my hair, if I can't get it to look decent I just give up and refuse to leave the house. I probably have it..if not a very confused idea of my own self image...I can never figure out how other people see me. Definitely feel ugly in general though.


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## misskiki25 (Feb 17, 2008)

I feel your pain... I have been suffering from bdd since I was a teenager. I used to try on everything in my wardrobe for hours and then not even go to school. It takes me on a good day, 3 hours to get ready & if I don't have time to make my hair/makeup/clothes look perfect, then I will actually skip a day of college or work. This disease has made such a negative impact on my life... I have no self esteem & I've never had a boyfriend - I can barely even look the opposite sex in the eyes w/o turning red & worrying that they think I'm so ugly and fat. I hide in the house and am scared to go out in public since I always worry about a hair being out of place or my stomach sticking out, etc etc. I've never been to a therapist but I'm interested to know what they can do and if anyone has had success?


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## carolinagirl113 (Feb 28, 2008)

Ken_Noddy said:


> Does anyone else find it strange that while we are contantly craving reassurances about our looks, when someone does say 'you look fine' we totally disregard them and think they are just lying?
> I mean, what are we looking for?
> 
> I would find it a big help if we all could be put into groups or something and all the hot people would be given A's all the way down to us in the XXXX's. At least this way you would know where you stand and it would avoid you falling for someone you just do not ever have a chance with.
> ...


agree. 
same with me for weight. So I've struggled with BDD. I have to be perfect. I'm trying to get over issues with eating because I've been to hell and back with it. But honestly I think I just have to learn to live with it.


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## wanderer82 (Feb 24, 2008)

Addi said:


> It´s a symptom of BDD to have to scrutinize one self everytime one goes out. Stand infront of the mirror going over everything, details. I spend time infront of the mirror going over myself even if I´m just going out to the hall, out with the trash or shopping for dinner. If something isn´t good enough I don´t go outside, if my hair stands out somewhere I don´t go out hehe. This is such a weird condition.


Ugh, I do this all the time too, it's so exhausting. I just want to be able to walk out the house w/o consulting a mirror first... sometimes I don't even want to answer the door. I've wondered if I have BDD because I really think my nose may be getting bigger, or my head smaller... either way, all I see when I look in the mirror is a giant nose... like those old Afrin commercials.. that's me!



bchavez2 said:


> I check myself in the mirror relentlessly. I do it before leaving for work, several times, I do it at work all day long and I do it on my way home in the car. BDD is such a crazy condition because its incredibly difficult to control. I get really sad sometimes, deeply depressed. Sometimes, I wish I were somebody else completely. Maybe that way I'd have a chance at a better more normal life.


I totally feel you on this one, it's the cause of my depression, & I always wonder how much easier my life would be, how much happier I would be, if I had just gotten lucky like so many other people, and be attractive.



paranoid said:


> ..my perception of how I look changes drastically, some days I think I'm ok, other days I feel so ugly I can't leave the house. Especially different mirrors, different lighting really confuses me how I really look. I check mirrors a lot too.


Me too, it seems silly, but I know I look best when I turn off the lights in my bathroom, and look in the mirror with just sunlight... so that's how I look at myself before I leave everyday, b/c I know I'll feel better that way. I know that's not how I'll look everywhere though, so I don't know what the point is. I try to avoid the mirror in the bathroom at work b/c I look horrible in it & it depresses me. I wish we lived in a world with no overhead lighting.



misskiki25 said:


> I used to try on everything in my wardrobe for hours and then not even go to school.


I still do this, I've been late for work more times than I can count b/c of this obsession. It takes me FOREVER to get ready, & 9 times out of 10 I still feel ridiculously uncomfortable where ever I go. And my roommate just jumps out of bed and runs out the house looking incredible with no effort, it's so depressing.

I always worry about things like what if I end up in the hospital & have to be seen in one of those gowns, or if I get hurt & my shirt has to be removed to treat an injury... things I can't control.

I don't even like people looking at me from the side b/c I hate my profile.. but how can I avoid that?

The list could go on...


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

.


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## carolinagirl113 (Feb 28, 2008)

misskiki25 said:


> I feel your pain... I have been suffering from bdd since I was a teenager. I used to try on everything in my wardrobe for hours and then not even go to school. It takes me on a good day, 3 hours to get ready & if I don't have time to make my hair/makeup/clothes look perfect, then I will actually skip a day of college or work. This disease has made such a negative impact on my life... I have no self esteem & I've never had a boyfriend - I can barely even look the opposite sex in the eyes w/o turning red & worrying that they think I'm so ugly and fat. I hide in the house and am scared to go out in public since I always worry about a hair being out of place or my stomach sticking out, etc etc. I've never been to a therapist but I'm interested to know what they can do and if anyone has had success?


I've had a lot of the same issues, and I go to a therapist. Right now I'm dealing with some other issues that are too emotionally intense to get into dealing with BDD. 
What they do is try to find the root of the problem and work through it, so that kind of therapy can be really hard to do. But I'm sure it's worth looking into. Try it and see!


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## yes (Feb 27, 2008)

nothing_to_fear said:


> wanderer82 said:
> 
> 
> > I always worry about things like what if I end up in the hospital & have to be seen in one of those gowns, or if I get hurt & my shirt has to be removed to treat an injury... things I can't control.
> ...


In the summer, you can always try products with silicones in them. Those really work for humidity but you might have to clarify and deep condition if you don't use quality haircare. You could use a primer to keep your makeup on longer, but most of them contain tons of silicones and could break you out if you didn't make sure to remove them ALL. To keep your makeup on, use a finishing power. Everyday Minerals is very ingredient and price smart and their products actually work too. Lights - don't know if you use them, but fluorescent is not the best. Even though it's less bright, they're not that flattering unless you "shape" them lol. But who does that? Unless you buy lights with accurate color too (that means 6500K or D65) and leave them on for a couple of minutes, you'll be having a color cast but your eyes will correct for this so you won't see it.


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## smoothjuk (Apr 24, 2008)

busstop said:


> BDD is killing me.


I have only suffered from BDD for 6 months. It has completley runied my life. I still work but i feel sooooo sick every morning before leaving the house. People stare and laugh at me all the time. I have a fixation about my nose, It was broken when i was a child and i had it fixed . I liked the results at first but as the swelling went down my face started changing. It started as 1 bad comment and i focused on that for weeks. My CBT therapist tells me there is nothing wrong with my nose and so does my family. I know they are lying which frustates me even more. I mean everyone laughs at me everytime i go out.

I can't tell friends because they will not understand. I really can't see a future anymore but the worse thing is, i am probably one of the most cheerful, happy and fun going people i know which makes this much harder. I don't know if anyone else feels the same as me but i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Old men laugh at me. How bad is that?

I just take it day by day.


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## Shauna (Jul 29, 2006)

[right:1jsm51l6]I've been battling BDD...long before i even knew what it was. I can't even leave my apartment anymore. I'm repulsed by how i look. I feel like i'm too ugly to live sometimes.

When i was in high school, these guys that were in my class used to bully me all the time, and one of them said that if he was me, he would never come outside. I have never forgotten about that :rain[/right:1jsm51l6]


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Shauna said:


> When i was in high school, these guys that were in my class used to bully me all the time, and one of them said that if he was me, he would never come outside. I have never forgotten about that :rain


:hug
surprisingly i didn't get a load of negative comments, except for once in junior high this ******* said "what's wrong with your face??". it has had the same effect on me, i think about it regularly and i feel like that's the truth, i really am that hideous but no one else had the guts to tell me. i block out any positive comments and only focus on this one..


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## endtroducing (Jan 6, 2008)

I think I have a lot of the traits of someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, but I don't compulsively check mirrors (actually try to avoid them sometimes), or seek reassurance, etc.

If my hair doesn't look right or I have no make-up on, there is NO WAY I am leaving my room. Not even to go to the bathroom (I live in a dorm), unless it's late at night and there's little chance of seeing someone else. Oh yeah, I HATE having to walk back from taking a shower--walking down the hall with exposed skin, no makeup, and hideous hair. I loathe it. 

I also take a long, long time to get ready, even if it's just to go join my boyfriend for a cigarette. For everyday things, like going to class or the store, I'll probably change my outfit twice, and use a substantial amount of make-up. For parties and bigger events, I'll change clothes several times, and spend loads of time perfecting my hair and make-up.

Here's a tip for girls with BDD: If your eyeliner constantly smudges and looks gross, invest in Urban Decay primer potion and MAC Fluidline. Use 'em both, and your eyeliner will never smudge, or fade. Not having to worry about raccoon eyes is a nice thing.


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## John_K (Aug 21, 2004)

BDD for me was an extension of my OCD. I've always found one feature to obsess over. I've never been mistaken for a good-looking guy, but I know my physical problems could have been a lot worse. Yet some days I can't leave the house or even my bed because I know I can't go outside feeling confident about myself. I've pretty much reduced my BDD down to a science. I don't have a symmetrical face, like the psychologists say is an indicator of attractiveness. I don't have a well-proportioned body like Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. I looked up statistics on average human proportions and my head size is about 2 standard deviations above the norm, while I am slightly shorter than average. I have an noticeable underbite. I always wonder how pathetic looking I am in my clothes. And on and on.

To me, BDD is almost like a fight against being mundane and unimportant. I might not look completely hideous, but I feel that my looks are holding me back from progress in life. It's always such an uphill battle to change people's first impression of me.


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## quietgal (Oct 18, 2007)

I'm pretty sure I had some kind of developmental problems as a kid. Everything about me is just so small and young and kind of abnormal, I get rude comments all the time from relatives who are upset that I never change and that I've failed to grow up. I hate the way I look, I think I just look like **** most of the time, especially during the winter when I just become devoured by the clothes I wear. I don't wear makeup or anything usually. What's the point? Exercising myself to death and generally being clean and eating right makes me feel a little bit better, but in the end I still feel like a shoddy, cheap product. No amount of window dressing can change that. I don't know if that's BDD, but whatever it is, it sucks.


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## Vito (Mar 14, 2008)




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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i hate bad make-up days. 
i went out with friends last night and before leaving i applied make up, washed it off then reaplied three times, and it still looked horrible. maybe it was the sudden cold weather.. my skin was drier than usual making it hard for the foundation to set in. it just always looked calky and uneven no matter what i did. i'm just glad it was night and i was mostly outside so no one was able to see just how terrible i looked.


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## Half_A_Person (Jun 1, 2007)

I've never been diagnosed with BDD but I sure as hell have a lot of the symptoms so I think I can probably relate to those with BDD. However, I am not imagining my flaws at all. They are very real and they would cause distress to anyone. 

Some days I'll be looking at myself in mirrors practically all day and start pulling on my face and body. If I'm feeling particularly bad about myself, I'll sometimes scratch, hit or slap my face. Other times I avoid mirrors and any other reflective surfaces. I have mirrored closet doors (quite possibly the worst invention ever) and I'll cover it up with a bed sheet or something. I also spend hours on my makeup but I'll end up dressing in sweatpants and a hoodie. I have hundreds of pictures on my computer of people I want to look like. They are mainly of celebrities but I have some photos I got off MySpace of some girls I go to school with.

I'm not saying that being attractive is the most important thing in life, but I swear that I'd be SO much happier if I were. I'd be confident, meaning I could make friends easier, get a boyfriend, go out and have fun and most importantly, I'd like myself. I'd do anything to just wake up one day, look at myself in the mirror and feel beautiful.


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

BDD is a big problem for me. I'm always obsessing over my looks and I always compare myself to other people. I look at other girls and they seems so much prettier than me and it makes me feel depressed. I can't stop thinking about food. I think about what I should eat, how much, and when I should eat it to avoid gaining weight. I even dream about binge eating and wake up and feel grateful it wasn't real. I work myself really hard at the gym. I feel ugly and fat if I miss workouts. I used to buy makeup and clothes all the time because I thought a certain outfit or kind of makeup would make me pretty, but I was always disappointed. If I had the money for plastic surgery, I would get work done on my face, but I'm afraid I would look worse afterwards. I have so many acne scars and it makes me feel like a freak. Nobody else seems to have them. Girls walk around in tank tops and bathing suits and I can't wear them  I had a few people point out my scars and one boy basically said I was ugly and I will never forget it


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i've been trying to buy nicer clothes lately, and they help slightly with my confidence.
but when i'm out i'll often walk by a very attractive female and i'll feel like **** because i look hideous in comparison..


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

nothing to fear said:


> i've been trying to buy nicer clothes lately, and they help slightly with my confidence.
> but when i'm out i'll often walk by a very attractive female and i'll feel like **** because i look hideous in comparison..


I feel this way too. Exercising helps boost my confidence, but then I start comparing myself to the other girls in the gym! There is no way in hell I could wear a sports bra like they do! :sigh


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## minnie187 (Jan 30, 2009)

i think i might have this disorder as well .. i just saw something on tv about it and it sounded exactly like me so i googled the disorder and found this .. i have a lot of the symptoms mentioned and i had no idea that there were so many other people probably everywhere i go that are thinking the exact same things i am !


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

I feel like most women feel that way, even when they look beautiful enough to be a top model or something.
I feel that way a lot, but I try not to think about it and I haven't been diagnosed with it. To me, that would just make me think about it even more.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

Mildly, but it's better than it used to be.

Even though I'm kind of short (5'6) and borderline underweight, I have a hard time believing that I'm not a giant. Sometimes I'll see a picture of myself and I'll think, "Oh hey, I'm actually kind of a small person," but I never really _feel_ that way. It doesn't help that I attend a school which is full of girls who are five feet tall and have BMI's of 17.


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## nemasket (Mar 23, 2007)

I think I have BDD too, although I've never been diagnosed. I spent Junior High through early college never looking a mirror and feeling bad for anyone who had to talk to me because they had to look at how hideous my face was :/ I recognize that I'm not the most attractive person out there, but the way I feel I have to hide from the world because I'm "too ugly" has always been a problem.

I have periods where I've been better and worse. I work out like crazy and am very food conscious, and generally have felt good about my body for the last couple years. My face I can't get over. I had the unfortunate experience last year of someone saying about me (I got told second-hand, but a not-so-good friend) that he could forgive my ugly face because I had a hot body. It was devastating - both insulting me and objectifying me at the same time. Took me a good 6 months to not feel ashamed every time I went outside. 

I can also relate to feeling terrible around other attractive women - it seems like the world is just crawling with them, and it makes me feel so inadequate in comparison. And then I get resentful and jealous, and then feel bad for being resentful and jealous.


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## lissette (Jan 20, 2009)

I don't think I have it even though I can pinpoint flaws in almost every feature in my body. I sometimes make a mental list of everything that is physically wrong with me. It's quite a long list. Sometimes I think I'm ugly but on my good days, I think I can look cute. I don't have too many good days though.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

i probably do, but in a good way...


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I dont believe I do.


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## timmytim7 (Feb 15, 2009)

hello,

please does anyone know any forums or chat rooms for bdd?


tim


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## timmytim7 (Feb 15, 2009)

i have got depression, bdd and social anxiety. i'm 27, male, from uk. if anyone would like to make friends and chat online please message me

thanks,

tim


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Drella said:


> I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror closely examining the way I look. The first thing I do when I enter a building is check a mirror. At school, I run to the bathroom to check how I look as soon as I enter the building. Then, I get on the elevator to go to my floor, and then I immediately run to another bathroom to check a mirror again. I do that every day. I refuse to leave my home without makeup on, and I have to wear nice clothing even if I'm just running to the videostore. I wear make-up just to go to the gym. I always catch people staring at me, and I just assume that it's because I'm hideous and bizarre looking. I dread passing people in the streets, because I hate feeling that they're focused on how ugly I am. I hear people talking around me, and even if I can't make out what's being said, I twist their mumbles until I hear definitive critical remarks about my appearance. When I look at pictures of myself, I feel incredibly depressed. I can't stand to look at them, much less allow myself to be photographed. To me, my beliefs are all valid and acceptable, because I am completely heinous looking. I highly doubt that I have BDD, simply because I think you have to be remotely attractive in the first place. Otherwise, it's just low self-esteem or something.


This sounds just like me! I have an obsession with lighting and have rigid ideas about what kinds of lighting are flattering and unflattering. It means I check my face and hair in a mirror anytime I go anywhere to see how bad I look in the lighting that is around. If I haven't checked my face in a certain light I will form an idea of how I looked in my head and convince myself I looked that way at the time. It's very tiring!


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

no


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I used to have it but after I left HS, it slowly dissipates.


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## Someone Is Here (Feb 22, 2009)

"Does anyone here have BDD(Body dysmorphic disorder)?"

If you mean do I suffer from the symptoms that the BDD criteria specifies, then yes, I'm confident that I suffer from BDD.

Though when I brought it to the attention of my therapists in the past, they disagreed with me. They weren't able to tick enough of their little boxes to warrant me/my self-diagnosis being taken seriously.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

I obsess over my appearance a lot and seem to meet a lot of the criteria, like constant checking etc. So yeah, probably.


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## ilikebooks (Nov 26, 2008)

I'm not sure. I've only really found out what BDD is in the past few months, but I've had symptoms for years (I'm 16).

I can't look at mirrors or anything reflective. If I'm washing my hands in public, I have to look either way down or way up so I don't catch my reflection at all in the mirror. I can't look at people who wear glasses where things are reflected in the lens, and walking by buildings with large windows terrifies me. I have to brush my teeth with the lights out as well.

I also can't have pictures taken of myself. My parents get extremely mad at me for avoiding family pictures (especially when relatives are visiting), but I _can't_. People will look at the picture and will have concrete proof that I really am hideous. Any picture that I'll agree to people taking of me has me covering my face with pretty much anything I can find. I become mysteriously sick on days where I know they'll be taking pictures at school.

I don't really spend much time on my appearance, though. It depresses me to know that no matter what I do, I'll still be hideous despite the hundreds of dollars I've spent on trying to avoid this. There's no miracle cure, so why should I even bother? Avoiding mirrors is much cheaper and easier.

I think some of it stemmed from me breaking my nose in gymnastics when I was younger. My nose wasn't exactly small before then, but now I still get asked around once a week if my nose is broken. Yeah, thanks, that really makes me feel a lot better. Like other people said, I'm too scared that if I talk to my doctor about this, he'll snort and say that people who are as ugly as I am can't have BDD, that I'm just realistic -.-


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

Heh. I always think 'it's not BDD if i'm genuinely ugly'. 

I'm sure that even if you really are as unattractive as you believe (which i doubt!) it's still not normal to obsess so much over appearance, so it'd still warrant a diagnosis of BDD. I think?


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

timmytim7 said:


> hello,
> 
> please does anyone know any forums or chat rooms for bdd?
> 
> tim


there is a small bdd forum i was a part of.. i'll go find the link


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

There's a forum at BDD Central

http://www.bddcentral.com/


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yea, this is the direct link: http://www.bkbreflections.com/cgi-bin/yabb2.1/YaBB.pl


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i've never known for sure if i have had BDD because i mostly kept these feelings to myself, but i think my confidence in my appearance has been getting a bit better. the majority of the days i can leave the house and don't feel like hiding or like breaking down in tears/hurting myself if i catch my reflection. i don't feel so ugly that i avoid eye contact (not as much), and i check mirrors a pretty average amount rather than fifty times a day.

getting ready in the morning - applying my make-up and choosing my outfit still takes a long time but the fact that i don't obsess over 24/7 is a really big thing for me. i never thought it'd become less of a worry.
i still hate having pictures taken though. even to the point where i feel physically ill afterwards. oh well.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

I used to worry about my appearance to the point where on some days i'd just refuse to leave the house at all. These days it's nowhere near as bad, i can function fine most of the time... though it's never good when people bring cameras near me.

I did manage to have a photo taken a work a while back without really stressing about it, so that's something i guess. Mainly 'cos i had to have it taken, if it were optional then no way. I forced myself to just get it over with.

Actually, yeah i'm pretty sure i must've met the criteria for BDD in the past. Possibly not now. I still can't say i'm happy with the way i look though.


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## bonz (Jun 6, 2007)

I've recently been diagnosed of BDD by a doctor, and let me tell you, it wasn't fun admitting it to someone all in a very short time of after all these years how I felt about myself and kept it locked up.

Does anyone know any good books about this disorder?


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I haven't been diagnosed with BDD but I seriously fit the bill... My problem is with my calves, I think I have really big calves and I'm always looking at myself in the mirror almost like a compulsion to do it and it kind of makes me feel better because I see that it doesn't look that bad. 
I think it's just a problem because I'm tall and big build (not fat), ladies say I'm handsome btw, heaps of girls in the past have said I'm attractive but...

Whenever I'm out of the house I think people are laughing at my legs.

I realise that it's totally ridiculous for me to feel how I feel but I can't help it.


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## downbutnotout (Mar 19, 2009)

Phibes said:


> I haven't been diagnosed with BDD but I seriously fit the bill... My problem is with my calves, I think I have really big calves and I'm always looking at myself in the mirror almost like a compulsion to do it and it kind of makes me feel better because I see that it doesn't look that bad.
> I think it's just a problem because I'm tall and big build (not fat), ladies say I'm handsome btw, heaps of girls in the past have said I'm attractive but...
> 
> *Whenever I'm out of the house I think people are laughing at my legs.*
> ...


I have the same fear, because my legs are long.


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

downbutnotout said:


> I have the same fear, because my legs are long.


 *Pats your head*


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## Razorblade Kisses (Apr 17, 2009)

I've always had this, even when I was actually thin, in my mind I was a fatso. Now that I've actually put on some weight due to being stuck in my house like a caged animal for a year...forget it. I might as well be 500 f*cking pounds because my mind blows it way out of proportion. I've never been a good judge of myself because I don't see things realistically. I still get hit on when I go out so I must not look like the monster I feel like. It doesn't make a difference though, my mind is wired to think the worse about myself.


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## 1luv24 (Nov 22, 2008)

I'm not sure if I slightly have BDD or just very bad self-image problems. I'll be running late for work because I can't get out of the mirror. Make-up dosen't do me any justice I feel like a drag queen with it. My problems are with my face which I believe is manish and my body(tall/slender frame which I hate). The way I feel about my physical appearance derived from teasing in high school about how I look. I used to experience public humiliation daily because of the way I look. I don't experience much of this now, but my thoughts and not liking what I see in the mirror keeps me in the house and alone.


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## seanybhoy (Mar 2, 2008)

I show traits of it but nah i don't have it fully blown.


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## icannotthinkofausername (Sep 2, 2010)

I seems as though most females and certainly males experience some or all of the terrible symptoms of BDD. But I'm wondering what is it that confirms BDD and not just a case of low self-esteem etc? I know that with anxiety disorders etc its considered a disorder when the problem starts affecting your everyday life and its activities. Is this the same for BDD? Because I have all of the symptoms and its ruining my life!! Despite being somewhat intelligent, I'm failing my studies because I never want to leave the house, this also makes having any sort of social life difficult and don't even get me started on the problems it causes between me and my boyfriend! It's completely ruining out relationship and I don't have anything without him! Is the fact that I'm stuck between my convictions of myself and feelings that maybe I'm being irrational enough to rule out BDD? I'm so confident that I have this, I just don't want to seek help until I know for sure out of fear for being told there is nothing wrong with me and that I'll have to live like this forever


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## iwishiwasaway (Dec 7, 2006)

Never was diagnosed, but I think it could be a possibility for me.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

icannotthinkofausername said:


> I seems as though most females and certainly males experience some or all of the terrible symptoms of BDD. But I'm wondering what is it that confirms BDD and not just a case of low self-esteem etc? I know that with anxiety disorders etc its considered a disorder when the problem starts affecting your everyday life and its activities. Is this the same for BDD? Because I have all of the symptoms and its ruining my life!! Despite being somewhat intelligent, I'm failing my studies because I never want to leave the house, this also makes having any sort of social life difficult and don't even get me started on the problems it causes between me and my boyfriend! It's completely ruining out relationship and I don't have anything without him! Is the fact that I'm stuck between my convictions of myself and feelings that maybe I'm being irrational enough to rule out BDD? I'm so confident that I have this, I just don't want to seek help until I know for sure out of fear for being told there is nothing wrong with me and that I'll have to live like this forever


You don't need to necessarily meet _all _the requirements for BDD in order to have it significantly affect your life to the point where you should seek help. A good psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist should know that and still give you treatment for your problems even if you don't fit the diagnosis perfectly.... Often for a lot of mental disorders it can vary from person to person. Don't worry about what they'll think in regards to you having it for sure, once you tell them your problems in depth they will see how much they are affecting your life and should give you treatment regardless. 

I really should have sought help for my BDD-like symptoms when they are at their worst... but I sort of rejected anything anyone said about my appearance. Though to be honest whenever I brought up how I thought I was the ugliest person ever (seriously) the response I'd get from psychiatrists and my therapist was "That isn't true at all! You like perfectly fine", which I could see right through and giving reassurance like that just makes it worse (for several reasons). I thought mental health professionals would know that it's not how you go about treating people with body image problems.

Anyway so much (most) of my past self-harming and suicidal ideation had to do with me feeling so incredibly unattractive that there was absolutely no hope and no reason for me to live. It's very contradictory to what my values and standards are for others since I see appearance as being completely insignificant when I judge others and how I see them as a whole. Everyone else's beauty and attractiveness is based on so much more but I felt I had such a bland/ugly personality and was so hideous that I was an exception to the rule. *shrugs*

Soo I don't know why I'm doing so much better now, I hardly obsess about my appearance/body which is odd considering I live with my significant other so he sees my body and my non made-up/morning self every day. I still think I'm not very attractive but I don't want to analyze why I don't care as much out of worry that it will bring back those old thought patterns.


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## wjc75225 (Jul 24, 2010)

I think I do .. I do a lot of research on what makes a man "good looking" ... talk to my parents about it, and they laugh and just say "looks don't matter" .. Have friends who girls drool over, so it makes it even worse ... Usually, I hate looking in the mirror.


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## Vitruvia (Jul 29, 2009)

Oh no. You are not ugly, you look like an attractive, nice guy to me! 

I am not sure if what I have is BDD, but I do have an obsession about my weight. I can look in the mirror one day and look fine, a good healthy size, reasonably attractive etc. Then, the next day I can look in the mirror and I see a fat, unattractive person looking back. I am CONSTANTLY looking at other people and comparing myself to them...are my legs that size? does she have the same size chest as me? Not to make myself feel bad about being less attractive, but in an attempt to visualize what I actually look like-body size wise I mean. Does that make sense? I don't seem to be able to accurately see myself. I can see a person who is a certain dress size and even though I am the same dress size I feel that I look alot bigger.


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## wjc75225 (Jul 24, 2010)

Vitruvia said:


> Oh no. You are not ugly, you look like an attractive, nice guy to me!


Thanks!  .. I guess I just need to change the way I view myself .. I HAVE been actually told I'm unattractive, which doesn't help, but I shouldn't let some people's opinion of me put me down. I'm pretty fit, so I'm not worried about my weight/body .. It's mainly my face that I'm too critical of.

Again, thanks for the compliment!


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## anon123 (Aug 24, 2010)

Phibes said:


> .
> 
> Whenever I'm out of the house I think people are laughing at my legs.
> 
> I realise that it's totally ridiculous for me to feel how I feel but I can't help it.


lot of people would kill to have big calves especially bodybuilders

one of the hardest muscles to get bigger

my are 14 inches around my brothers are 16inches around (just guessing ) but they are a little bigger then my

my at one point was 16inches around when i was working them out like crazy

but I am concentrating on my upper body right now because I know my legs can get big any time I want with out trying much


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## radames (Jul 6, 2009)

Wow, I can definitely relate to these stories. Weighing 335 pounds throughout college brought some image problems but even after I lost sixty pounds I was still obsessed with eliminating my "man boobs." Currently I am a lot better about my image (maybe it's because I have built my chest up to be very chiseled except for some fat pockets on the bottom of them) and I have found that exercising and weight lifting is really satisfying to me. I just love the endorphin rush!

I still have a perfectionist approach to my body and would like to be a chiseled as possible but I allow myself to feel more confident about myself due to my extremely hard and dedicated work over the past ten years.


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## abracadabra (Dec 5, 2009)

I don't know if I have BDD or if I just have very low self-esteem, but I've always had difficulty going anywhere because of my negative perception of my appearance. When I was thinner, it was difficult. Since gaining weight, I don't think I should be seen at all. My weight has always been the primary focus for me, but I also have a crooked nose and various other things that I don't necessarily obsess about always.

I guess something that worries me sometimes is that I don't find myself physically attractive, so I don't think I'm ever going to be in a relationship. It doesn't matter if I can tell that someone else finds me attractive; if I don't think so, there's no chance.


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## SarahClare (Feb 18, 2011)

Either that or I'm a rhinoceros with no personality. :stu

I have no friends in real life, which I can only attribute to being ridiculously unattractive because people I've met online seem to enjoy talking to me and I act the same way in person as online. When ever someone sees me though and they tell me I'm attractive I always put it down to them being extremely misguided because if I was even ok looking I would have friends.

My mum also tells me I've become to skinny because I don't eat enough but all I can see is this huge bulge on my stomach, it looks like I'm pregnant, that's how fat I am. I want to hit her for lying to me like that sometimes. :/


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## LilA67 (Jan 14, 2011)

I have been wondering about myself with this, but has anyone in this thread believed that they were never supposed to be the ethnicity they are?

I've been diagnosed with BDD for many reasons, but this reason I would have to disagree with as being a symptom of BDD. I believe it's more like a former life of mine.

I remember as early as 4 years old, looking at my friend's braided hair, and believing I was supposed to be of African descent. This has always been a huge part of why I've always been so uncomfortable in my own skin. When I was little, I always asked for the brown Barbie or babydoll and that's what I got.

I've always believed that I would be more beautiful and look how I believed I should look. 

Maybe I will get a lot of slack for this, but it is how I've felt since I was 4 years old. I would be more than proud to be of African descent. 

If you don't understand, you never will.


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## hummingbird01 (Feb 23, 2011)

1luv24 said:


> I'm not sure if I slightly have BDD or just very bad self-image problems. I'll be running late for work because I can't get out of the mirror. Make-up dosen't do me any justice I feel like a drag queen with it. My problems are with my face which I believe is manish and my body(tall/slender frame which I hate). The way I feel about my physical appearance derived from teasing in high school about how I look. I used to experience public humiliation daily because of the way I look. I don't experience much of this now, but my thoughts and not liking what I see in the mirror keeps me in the house and alone.


I am too like this. I dont know if its BDD, but I feel horrendously ugly. i hate looking at myself in reflective surfaces and photos, I feel sick if I catch a glimpse of myself. I sometimes even hate day light or switched on lights indoors.

When I catch people watching me on the streets, I think they must thing I look like a freak or a man, or the ugliest thing they have seen. I get told Im pretty, and Im quite skinny, and get asked out by guys...but deep inside I dont feel attractive at all. If someone gives me a compliment I think they are being sarcastic or lying, or drunk.

I scrutinise myself in front of the mirror at home, feeling depressed, and when I go outside I avoid any kind of reflective surface. I dont know if its BDD or Im just quite self aware of how unattractive I am, but its hard feeling this way everyday. Ive thought about cosmetic surgery but Im scared I get even more depressed if I dont like the results.

Im not a shallow person and hate myself for feeling like this. I dont even want to be beautiful, just normal, and not feeling freakishly ugly.


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## hopethishelps (May 20, 2010)

I think everyone is aware of themselves to some extent. Take a look at this article. It shows what people look like when they looked into a reflective surface and there was a camera behind it. It all comes back to self esteem. Some people just look at themselves and go 'whatever'. They don't hold themselves to an unreachable imaginary standard. http://www.fastcodesign.com/1663282/photos-that-capture-the-piercing-looks-we-give-ourselves


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

I have BDD that was officially diagnosed to me because of an irrational fear of a certain bodypart. I had this checked out numerous times, and every time the doctors said to me you are completely normal, there is nothing wrong with you. Therefore, it is all in my head. I have slowly begun to accept myself by going to nude beaches last summer, and the exposure therapy helped me trememdously. I can't wait for the summer to arrive again so I can go back to this nude beach again. I would encourage anyone, male or female, to try going to a nude beach. The initial anxiety will be terrible, but eventually it will subside, and you will find your confidence to grow.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

My mom thinks I do because she's always comparing me to Michael Jackson. My mom thinks I'm handsome but I feel she's only saying that because she's my mother. I've told her I thought about getting plastic surgery on my nose and she thinks it looks just fine.


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## feronelegio (Nov 22, 2011)

Stop hack the program!!!


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## AndryStivis (May 5, 2012)

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## spankyy (Feb 12, 2012)

i think i got this :/


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