# What would you do?



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I was talking to my gf last night, and she brought up that she fantasizes about having sex with two men at the same time. She said it was a fantasy, and that she would never act on it. She then asked if I fantasized about being with two girls. I said no. I understand that people have fantasies, but isn't that something that you keep to yourself? WTF? Its like she wants me to be jealous. I've been with her for a couple months, but the crap that comes out of her mouth is really starting to irritate. Would you say that to your bf?


----------



## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

If she fantasizes about it and brings it up, I would think that that means she's interested in trying it though she doth protest. Consider it a good thing that she trusts you enough to share. It seems that couples are supposed to share their fantasies, particularly the sexual, idk. It's some form of closeness. Or maybe she wants to have a little _fun _xD

If it bothers you that much, maybe you two aren't right for each other?

I'm no expert but I've read enough Dan Savage to have the slightest of ideas. :roll


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

bucklti said:


> I understand that people have fantasies, but isn't that something that you keep to yourself? WTF? Its like she wants me to be jealous.


Just a guess here, but it doesn't sound like she's trying to make you jealous. More like she wants a threesome and she's putting out feelers to see if you'd be game.


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

I didn't get pissed or anything. I played it cool. I just wanted to know if that seemed wrong to anyone else. She wasn't drunk or anything, so this was a sober thought for her. I'm not down for that swinger stuff, so maybe i'm not right for her. Just wanted some opinions on the matter. I mean, we were just chillin on the beach, and she starts talking about some kinky stuff. If a chick wanted a threesome, I don't think it would be hard for her to find. Why screw around with me? Something stable on the side? A lot of the stuff this chick says, doesn't read right on my radar. I guess i'll have to start thinking about how to break it off.


----------



## Tu Cielo (Jun 5, 2011)

I don't see anything wrong with sharing your fantasies with your significant other. I can understand how some of that might bother you though. My boyfriend wants to have a threesome with me and his ex-girlfriend. His ex was the one who actually suggested it haha. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the idea and I think I'd only go through with it if I was really, really drunk. He told me if I wanted a threesome with another guy, he wouldn't mind as long as it was one of his friends he was comfortable with. I definitely wouldn't want to. I just think it would be incredibly awkward. Anyway, your girlfriend did say she'd never act on it, so I wouldn't think too much into it. If it bothers you so much, then I would talk to her about it or break it off with her.


----------



## arni1sv (Aug 14, 2011)

bucklti said:


> Would you say that to your bf?


My gf said something like that (her fantasies, etc). But she is not my gf anymore after that :sus


----------



## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

You should feel glad she's comfortable enough to share her fantasies with you. People can have really crazy fantasies. It doesn't mean that that's what they want to actually do, or that you'd have to fulfill it. I don't see her trying to make you jealous, unless there's more to the story. It's not a good sign when your girlfriend is starting to really annoy you.


----------



## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

arni1sv said:


> My gf said something like that (her fantasies, etc). But she is not my gf anymore after that :sus


girls just wanna have fun... Y U be so insensitive ?


----------



## RockBottomRiser (Jun 5, 2011)

Leave her. Let her find a man she can speak openly with. You're just getting in her way.


----------



## sas111 (Oct 20, 2010)

Everyone has fantasies, she probley can't help those thoughts. Just look at is as her being comfortable enough to share her secrets, & if you think she could potentially act on it then leave her.


----------



## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

Um, to me it is quite offensive, assuming you are in a serious relationship with her. If she fantasizes about having sex with two guys, then one of them can obviously not be you. And since she already has the option of having sex with you alone, it seems that what she means in the end is that she wants sex with one guy that is not you. Which is akin to contemplating cheating on you.

If you chalk up something like this as a playful sexual fantasy, then really you are redefining the word "cheating."


----------



## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

I know my gf's fantasies. I also know that even if I gave her the opportunity to act on them, she wouldn't in a million years (well, some of them).

Don't be so insecure.


----------



## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

I was asked a long time ago if I wanted to have a foursome (two guys two girls). I passed lol.


----------



## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Run. This girl sounds like a skeezer, tbh.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If she said she fantasizes about it and then said she would never do it then she is lying. She has most likely wanted it for a while now and nothing you can do will change that. You can't change someone and you shouldn't be angry at her for having natural sexual feelings. In a way she was being hoenst and respectful for your feelings at the same time. That is my take on it.


----------



## alone33 (Oct 3, 2009)

So You are saying that that crap comes out of her mouth. i don't have an answer for you.


----------



## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

*If A=B and B=C, then A=C*



sighsigh said:


> Um, to me it is quite offensive, assuming you are in a serious relationship with her. If she fantasizes about having sex with two guys, then one of them can obviously not be you. And since she already has the option of having sex with you alone, it seems that what she means in the end is that she wants sex with one guy that is not you. Which is akin to contemplating cheating on you.
> 
> If you chalk up something like this as a playful sexual fantasy, then really you are redefining the word "cheating."


That is brilliant. I applaud your rationalization sir. :clap


----------



## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

I would tell I would be up for it, but in exchange for her having two guys I get her and another girl latter. Just be glad she is more experimental and doesn't want just normal sex.


----------



## kenny87 (Feb 22, 2009)

> Um, to me it is quite offensive, assuming you are in a serious relationship with her. If she fantasizes about having sex with two guys, then one of them can obviously not be you. And since she already has the option of having sex with you alone, it seems that what she means in the end is that she wants sex with one guy that is not you. Which is akin to contemplating cheating on you.


maybe she likes DP every now and then? that would be a experience no one guy could provide so it doesn't really mean he isn't good enough. Besides sex and love are 2 different things, I can love someone, but still want all the sex I could get from every hot girl who let me, its natural instincts.


----------



## alone33 (Oct 3, 2009)

I'm glad you can talk to your gf. i still do not have an answer for you


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'm surprised at how many people are voicing against this so strongly. All she really did was communicate a few fantasies... _Everyone_ has them!!



sighsigh said:


> Um, to me it is quite offensive, assuming you are in a serious relationship with her. If she fantasizes about having sex with two guys, then one of them can obviously not be you.


It's not cheating if the partner's into it. Look at swingers. Is that cheating? I don't think so.

If she's REALLY into it and you're REALLY NOT, then maybe you're not quite a match for each other. I wouldn't fault her *at all* in that scenario though (unless of course she actually went out and tangoed with two other guys which, from what I'm reading here, she's not about to do).


----------



## rumjungle (Feb 13, 2009)

Just Lurking said:


> I'm surprised at how many people are voicing against this so strongly. All she really did was communicate a few fantasies... _Everyone_ has them!!
> 
> It's not cheating if the partner's into it. Look at swingers. Is that cheating? I don't think so.
> 
> If she's REALLY into it and you're REALLY NOT, then maybe you're not quite a match for each other. I wouldn't fault her *at all* in that scenario though (unless of course she actually went out and tangoed with two other guys which, from what I'm reading here, she's not about to do).


I concur. Really...sometimes a fantasy is just that, we all have them. She stated she has no interest in acting on it, maybe you should trust her what she says? I don't think she's trying to make you jealous, but perhaps she didn't realise that expressing her sexual fantasies would upset you. If you can't handle this kind of open communication with a partner it may pose bigger issues. Fantasies are extremely common and don't necessarily say anything about the person, it's not worth the big deal over it.


----------



## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

Something things are just best left unsaid. What if you told her that you fantasized about her younger and much cuter little sister. Thought about how she is in bed. Pretty sure she'd be raging.


----------



## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

What's wrong with having fantasies? It's harmless. And no, it doesn't always mean a person wants to make them come true. The fact that she told you her sexual fantasies means she trusts you. Now if she actually suggests a threesome, then you should tell her you're not comfortable with that.


----------



## gaz (Jun 27, 2008)

I would be insecure.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

soundlessenigma said:


> If she fantasizes about it and brings it up, I would think that that means she's interested in trying it though she doth protest. Consider it a good thing that she trusts you enough to share. It seems that couples are supposed to share their fantasies, particularly the sexual, idk. It's some form of closeness. Or maybe she wants to have a little _fun _xD
> 
> If it bothers you that much, maybe you two aren't right for each other?


:ditto

If it bothers you, I think you should talk to her about it. She probably doesn't even know that it bothered you.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

bucklti said:


> I was talking to my gf last night, and she brought up that she fantasizes about having sex with two men at the same time. She said it was a fantasy, and that she would never act on it. She then asked if I fantasized about being with two girls. I said no. I understand that people have fantasies, but isn't that something that you keep to yourself? WTF? Its like she wants me to be jealous. I've been with her for a couple months, but the crap that comes out of her mouth is really starting to irritate. Would you say that to your bf?


I think it's fine, especially since she said she would never act on it. I'm the same way, and maybe a lot of other girls as well. If you're dating, what's wrong with sharing your fantasies? Openness is important in a relationship, and she's just being open with you.


----------



## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

mezzoforte said:


> I think it's fine, especially since she said she would never act on it. I'm the same way, and maybe a lot of other girls as well. If you're dating, what's wrong with sharing your fantasies? Openness is important in a relationship, and she's just being open with you.


What mezzoforte said.

It's a fantasy, I think if you can't share your fantasies with your partner who can you share them?

To be truthful if you were okay with it (and its fine if you are not) you should consider trying to make her fantasy come true. IMO that is a true breaking point in a romantic relationship, finding out if your partner is willing to help you explore your sexual desires or not.

If they are, that's a big plus, that means there are no walls, there is nothing you have to hide, you can be totally open and vulnerable with them and share a kind of closeness few people will ever have.

If not, then that means that will always be a part of yourself you have to keep closed off, you can not be "that person" around them, you will have to keep that fantasy locked away forever and forever.

IMO the later is bad.


----------



## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

sighsigh said:


> Um, to me it is quite offensive, assuming you are in a serious relationship with her. If she fantasizes about having sex with two guys, then one of them can obviously not be you. And since she already has the option of having sex with you alone, it seems that what she means in the end is that she wants sex with one guy that is not you. Which is akin to contemplating cheating on you.
> 
> If you chalk up something like this as a playful sexual fantasy, then really you are redefining the word "cheating."


see below.



Just Lurking said:


> I'm surprised at how many people are voicing against this so strongly. All she really did was communicate a few fantasies... _Everyone_ has them!!
> 
> It's not cheating if the partner's into it. Look at swingers. Is that cheating? I don't think so.
> 
> If she's REALLY into it and you're REALLY NOT, then maybe you're not quite a match for each other. I wouldn't fault her *at all* in that scenario though (unless of course she actually went out and tangoed with two other guys which, from what I'm reading here, she's not about to do).


^ agree. But, I will also agree that at only a few months into dating, most rational people would not bring up a fantasy that they know many people would be uncomfortable with or take the wrong way. Sounds like you've already made up your mind though anyways about your relationship with this person, if you are annoyed at her in general.


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Apparently she likes to see how I react to such things. She has already told me this. I told her that I don't play mind games and I don't bluff. If she wants to mess with me, I will drop her like a bad habit. I don't tell her about fantasies I have about other women. I wouldn't want to upset her. But apparently, she doesn't feel the same. Act on it? Really? Like I want to see two other guys with my gf? Like I said, i'm not down for that kind of stuff. It makes me sick to my stomach how many people out there really are though. There's some sick pups out there. Thanks for the replies. Monster house done.


----------



## angus (Dec 18, 2010)

Dude discussing fantasies with your partner is normal, it's like part of foreplay.
And what do you mean you don't fantasize about 2 chicks at the same time I fantasize about having mass orgies that involve hundreds of woman.


----------



## buklti (Jul 23, 2010)

Uhh, dude. I told my gf I don't. Of course I fantasize about other women. Need I go into detail. I told her I don't for that reason. I don't consider that normal conversation. Even with foreplay.


----------



## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

I think your girlfriend wants you to be one of the guys. Cmon man, it's just a fantasy. You are making a mountain out of an ant hill.


----------



## Tipa (Aug 13, 2011)

Yeah I'd say it! I have before to my bf! We believe in open communication and a judge free environment lol. He says it back. Sex is a mystical world of many preferences that is to be enjoyed, not criticized.

A good relationship means barriers of normal conversation are off. If you can't talk and say what's on your mind, then there's too much tension. It's too superficial. But then again, I'm liberal so I'm probably a little biased, sorry

And yes, she could of been testing the pool. She may have an interest in group sex, so what? If you don't want to she should be cool with not doing it.


----------



## bittertaste (Jul 2, 2011)

bucklti said:


> I understand that people have fantasies, but isn't that something that you keep to yourself? WTF? Its like she wants me to be jealous. I've been with her for a couple months, but the crap that comes out of her mouth is really starting to irritate. Would you say that to your bf?


It sounds like you are freaked out. It seems pretty normal to me for partners to share their sexual fantasies. Just because she fantasizes about a threesome doesn't mean she wants one (although she might, and was just testing the waters) but that she wanted you to know something intimate about her. She doesn't want you to be jealous, and it's kind of odd that you're reacting so negatively to an imaginary threesome when you would probably be one of the men involved, not just watching. She's not thinking you're not good enough, she's probably just curious.

Also yes, if I was comfortable enough with my partner I would tell them my fantasies and expect to hear some of theirs, and if there was enough interest from both of us we might be able to try it. If not, it wouldn't hurt my feelings or be the end of the world. It sounds like you have more issues with her than just the fantasy thing.


----------



## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

I'd tell him that it's irritating me and I'd prefer he keep it to himself (if it was indeed bothering me).


----------



## fatelogic (Jun 21, 2011)

Either she was trying to test you or she was trying to get something off of her chest.

Don't get feminized though. I can just imagine the tantrum she would have thrown if you where the one telling her your fantasies about two females first. She would probably had slapped you plus get mad... and you would have ended up making it up to her... lol. 

You played it right sir but don't allow her to bring it up again in your face.


----------

