# How do you find social activities?



## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

How do you find social groups of people to join that meet regularly with the same people?

I've exhausted the listings on meetup.com and still can't find anything for me to join. I don't know where else to look.


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I always see the same people at the gym. We have a little group of us that usually work out together. Seems common if you're in there at the same time every day and have similar goals.


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

JH1983 said:


> I always see the same people at the gym. We have a little group of us that usually work out together. Seems common if you're in there at the same time every day and have similar goals.


The gym I go to no one ever talks to each other. Everyone works out alone.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I don't find social activities.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Just throwing these out there...

Are you looking for social activities or social meetups?
Also - what have you done thus far, apart from looking at meetup.com, in order to search for activities? If looking on the internet, what have you specifically been searching for?
Since @JH1983 mentioned the gym - does that gym have any classes? Not sure if you do heavy weights but if so then can you not ask somebody if they can "spot" you i.e. give you assistance, or offer to spot someone?
You've mentioned a cooking class as being the only thing going on at the moment, and it's only a one-time event. How did you find out about this, and why would the establishment facilitating this only have one class on one subject for one lesson, and nothing else? Is that cooking class related to a wider cultural event happening at that time?
Are you restricting your social acitivity search only to activities you want to pursue?
By the way, if you are comfortable doing so, feel free to PM me the name of your town and, without publicly naming your town, I will share my insights on opportunities... after you've answered the above questions first. Obviously you don't have to share your town but as it stands, we can only take your word for it that you yourself have done the most thorough research possible. Unless if your answers to the above provide some success, then us making further suggestions despite having less visibility would seem arguably redundant.


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

macky said:


> Just throwing these out there...
> 
> Are you looking for social activities or social meetups?
> Also - what have you done thus far, apart from looking at meetup.com, in order to search for activities? If looking on the internet, what have you specifically been searching for?
> ...


 I don't know the difference between a social meetup and a social activity. I also did use google to just search for things but not really any luck with that. My gym doesn't have any classes, it's a rather small place. I don't need anybody to spot me - I don't lift heavy enough to where it's an actual concern. And while there are a couple people at my gym who are fairly strong, walking up and offering to spot them seems a bit overzealous to me... in my experience, people ask for a spot, you don't go around offering to stand over someone while they lift.

The establishments sells one time classes because people use them as dates, or go with a friend as a night out. In short, they offer them because people pay a lot for them (I'm sure tourists go a lot too). There are other cooking classes on slightly different subjects available, but they are of the same nature - lectures where you don't talk to others, and they are standalones so the people attending are different each time. Or, there are also the cooking classes where it is explicitly a date thing - you sign up as a pair and go with your girlfriend because, I guess, she thinks its a fun thing to do together.

I'm not restricting my social activity to things I want to pursue, because I only really enjoy solitary activities. But I am restricting it to things that I can afford, and things that I think I can realistically get myself to do. So, I'm not going to go to a drinking tour or a bar because I don't drink alcohol. I'm also not going to go to a group that is about reading your own poetry to people because I don't know anything about poetry or how to write it.


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## alwaysrunning (Sep 7, 2019)

Nextdoor might be good, if you've not tried it, they may have groups close to you www.nextdoor.com or there is the app.

I have seen a number of people write on Reddit how they have lost touch with people they used to know so are looking for people to go out with. Not in these words exactly. This seems successful from what I have seen. Maybe in Reddit you could write an activity that you are interested in, I will use tennis as an example and say you don't know anyone else who is interested in playing tennis and does anyone want to meetup and play.


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## Sainnot (Feb 6, 2021)

alwaysrunning said:


> Nextdoor might be good, if you've not tried it, they may have groups close to you www.nextdoor.com or there is the app.
> 
> I have seen a number of people write on Reddit how they have lost touch with people they used to know so are looking for people to go out with. Not in these words exactly. This seems successful from what I have seen. Maybe in Reddit you could write an activity that you are interested in, I will use tennis as an example and say you don't know anyone else who is interested in playing tennis and does anyone want to meetup and play.


I don’t like how next door requires you to submit your name and address to them before you can view threads. Reddit I’m worried about using because a lot of psychopaths are on there.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Hi Sainnot. I see that you are no longer with the forum, for whatever reason, and I will respect the forum as such. But I do believe in personally giving everyone a chance. In my signature is a link to my YouTube channel, but if you leave a comment saying its you, I’m sure we can find some way of private contact. This probably isn’t really advertising, as I have no intention of being active on the channel itself in the foreseeable future.

But until then, I'll respond to your post - for yourself and others that may be reading.



Sainnot said:


> I don't know the difference between a social meetup and a social activity.


Personally, I’d define “social meetups” as events are set up for the specific purpose of meeting other people, and “social activity” as a type of class or event set up with the prime focus of facilitating an activity, rather than collaborating people.

The definitions aren’t mutually exclusive and so there’s plenty of overlap. Cooking classes, poetry, board game cafes 
In your "Cooking Class" thread, I mentioned that most of these activities/clubs/meetups fall into 2 types - "Socially-focused groups" and “Front-Facing classes”. Feel free to look at the thread for further information, but the gist was that each type has significant obstacles for the social anxiety person - some of which you’ve already acknowledged. The (social) learning curve can be steep and sometimes a bit unforgiving.

I also mentioned that there were a few activities that didn't fit in neither, and also provided the best chances of developing both social skills and making new friends. Since you're unable to ask me directly, I'll list these here - and these are the top 3 activities _and also_ the only ones I can think of:


*Partner-based, non-private dance classes (e.g. salsa, ballroom, jive etc.) *– yes I know – dancing, having people touch you etc. can be triggering for an SA sufferer. Though this was my own personal path with salsa classes, I don’t think this recommendation derives from bias. Basically, if you can overcome these initial challenges and plays their cards right, what you’re left with is arguably the most accommodating, effective and _accessible_ avenue for developing social skills _and_ making new friends. Though there are many social benefits, it mainly revolves around how the class structure enables your interactions and rapport with multiple people, with near-zero chance of ostracization. True friendships (i.e. more than acquaintanceship) admittedly does take time and commitment, but overall this is the only social activity I can think of where it’s more difficult to fail than to succeed.
*Board Game Cafés or clubs* – in terms of social opportunity, this is a significant downgrade from partner dances – but it has direct person-to-person interactions over a board, so as to get to know each other and talk with each other directly. You can also benefit from sharing strategies with each other, working your way up, and gaining respect. I’ve never been to a board game café/ club, and the social exposure is not as much as partner-based dance lessons, but this is the second-best alternative I think. Note I refer to real-world cafes and _not_ online ones.
*Competitive team-based activities (e.g basketball, football etc) *-especially if it’s relaxed competitiveness and they mix the teams up. Comradery can bring you together but with this level of competitiveness may come higher levels of social expectation. It can be easy to get overshadowed by the rest of the team and not have the chance to build rapport. However, respect can be gained via upskilling yourself and showing that you are trying your best. Not saying you can walk up to a local match and say "hey, can I join your team?", but there may be some beginners clubs somewhere where you can learn the skills and also network.
Unfortunately, most other activities I can think (or that have been suggested) fall into either "Socially-focused groups" and “Front-Facing classes”. I think the emphasis of the above 3 activities is their focus on collaboration in order to improve oneself and enjoy the activity, in a non-contrived manner.

Ideally there'd be a larger variety of activities that provide reliable social results. But the fact is for SA folk wanting to improve their social lives, such success for most activities/ clubs rely more on luck than anything else. I was even hesitant to include board games and competitive sports, for which I only decided to add these this year.

One more thing however - skills obtained through one activity can be transferrable to other activities. So if you could only choose one activity, perhaps it would be best to focus on ones which boost your social skills first and foremost – and then later perhaps moving on to an activity you are actually passionate about, as you then have the best chances of hitting the ground running.


Sainnot said:


> And while there are a couple people at my gym who are fairly strong, walking up and offering to spot them seems a bit overzealous to me... in my experience, people ask for a spot, you don't go around offering to stand over someone while they lift.


Okay Sainnot - I acknowledge your points and so if your gym doesn't have classes and heavy lifting isn't what you are going for, this mightn't be the best place for socialising. But just ensure to keep a lookout just in case.



Sainnot said:


> The establishments sells one time classes because people use them as dates, or go with a friend as a night out. In short, they offer them because people pay a lot for them (I'm sure tourists go a lot too). There are other cooking classes on slightly different subjects available, but they are of the same nature - lectures where you don't talk to others, and they are standalones so the people attending are different each time. Or, there are also the cooking classes where it is explicitly a date thing - you sign up as a pair and go with your girlfriend because, I guess, she thinks its a fun thing to do together.


This is understandable. I mentioned this in your Cooking Class thread that, though not impossible, these are not the best places to learn socialising skills – and that goes double for one-time events (which aren’t even intent on making people good cooks).

But perhaps we can look outside the box in this. A good method for “How to not be boring” is having a busy and active life outside of the normal routine, and letting these things influence your conversation. So cooking classes do count as a potential conversation piece for other social interactions, including work for example.

Generally, this is always more interesting to hear than of you sitting at home. Going full circle, the added social exposure and positive feedback allows you to acquire skills for capitalising on the rarer opportunities like with the cooking class scenario.



Sainnot said:


> I'm also not going to go to a group that is about reading your own poetry to people because I don't know anything about poetry or how to write it.


Well a group for experienced poets indeed wouldn’t be an inviting place for a complete beginner, so I’d be disinclined to recommend this anyway. If poetry was something you were passionate about for example, a poetry class would be a good way to start and work your way up.


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## dearestjane (Sep 4, 2021)

Some activities I've found through social media have been yoga/mindfulness-type gatherings, beach clean-up groups, community gardening. Taking classes at a community college can also be a way to interact with the same people, although right now with covid, most classes are online. I am taking online classes, and for one of them there is a group project involved. Most of my classmates will be way younger than me but whatever. Lowkey I am dreading this assignment as I hate working in groups... 



macky said:


> A good method for “How to not be boring” is having a busy and active life outside of the normal routine, and letting these things influence your conversation. So cooking classes do count as a potential conversation piece for other social interactions, including work for example.


Yup. You just have to do things, right. I type that to remind myself of this.


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## Inner-Garden-8309 (Dec 2, 2021)

Why type of job do you have? There might be professional organizations you can join.

Meetup groups. If there isn't one that pertains to your interests, you could start your own.

If you're creative and like working with your hands you could, look for a makerspace. The one in my city has classes in wordworking, 3D modeling/CAD, 3D printing, electronics. You can get a membership and use the equipment for your own personal projects.

Continuing Education/adult education classes - painting, cooking, dance, all kinds of stuff


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