# Getting an attractive female psychotherapist



## dice3510 (Sep 16, 2016)

How does that notion sound to you? Please understand that I would not choose her _only_ on the basis of her attractiveness: a necessary and far more important precondition that must be respected is that she is a good therapist who possesses the professional skills required to help me.

But why do I contemplate the notion of an attractive therapist? Because as a consequence of my social isolation and never having a girlfriend at age 22 (and having extremely little contact with women and people in general) there is nothing that I desire more than the care and attention of women. Even a smile from a pretty girl in the grocery store is enough to make me happy for hours.

Working with such a therapist might motivate me to actually get s--t done. I would indulge in the care and attention that I got from her, and the result of that might be the motivation to fix my life.
I would look forward to every session to talk to her and tell her about the challenges and successes I'd had over the past week. And I wouldn't want to disappoint her.

Perhaps this all sounds juvenile and pathetic to you. Perhaps it's a bad idea. But tell me what you think.


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## Lightly (Jun 5, 2013)

Going in with the intention to impress seems counterproductive because that doesn't exactly inspire honesty, does it? And candor is essential in therapy, and what you'll talk about might be potentially embarrassing, perhaps even shameful. Sure, it makes for a satisfying fantasy because it's meant to be a safe and supportive environment and that is something you've been lacking, but it's best to think of what will help your situation in the long-run and this fantasy seems to be motivated by your longing for intimacy more than anything else. Of course, your therapist can help with that but not in the way you're imagining but rather by working with you on building relationships outside of her (or him if you go that route).

It's great that you're considering getting help whatever the reason, and this isn't to say that a therapeutic relationship can't be a great comfort, just that there will be boundaries. Romantic feelings towards a therapist are quite normal, and they might develop regardless - but remember what the relationship is and why you're there. It would probably be best to try out a few and see who you click with and try not to focus too much on the fantasy. After all, it's already difficult to be open in therapy.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I didn't necessarily look for an attractive therapist, but I did want a female one. She was in her 40's and wasn't bad looking. There is no way I would be able to talk to a male one like I did, and she did challenge my way of thinking. It was good practice too. And she came up with answers that I didn't anticipate.


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## nbar (Jun 11, 2010)

I think its asking for trouble as you'll probably fall in love with her


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

That sounds like trouble to me, and I agree with @*Lighty*

Having said that, almost all the therapists I've been with have been women because I just find it easier to talk to women for some reason. (I'd go into some of why but I don't want to derail the thread). I think it's important to be aware of what you're biggest issues are...some people aren't, believe it or not....and to evaluate whether or not you can really get comfortable, and I mean brutally honest talking to them about it.

If you had an "attractive" female therapist would you be comfortable talking to her about your anxiety around women? And the reasons behind your anxiety? Would you feel comfortable talking about feelings of worthlessness you might have, and low self-esteem, and rejection, and feeling like you aren't enough? Not suggesting you have all these issues but a lot of guys with anxiety do. I think you have to be prepared, ready to be somewhat vulnerable and emotionally....naked....in front of your therapist (and it might be a fantasy of yours but I'm talking figuratively)...and talk about the ugly truths. My therapist is just relentless....she has a gift for knowing what I least want to talk about, she can hone in on what's bothering me and she goes there, and she does not let up until I talk about it.

Therapy can be a growing experience, definitely, but it can also be very, very painful and very uncomfortable. There are days when I dread going to my therapist, and I cannot wait to get out of there.

It may not play out like you're thinking it will. If you can be totally honest with her, fine, go for it, but if you're there to impress her or something, if you're doing it to just say you can talk to a beautiful woman, if you're going to be less than totally, brutally honest with her you are wasting your time and your money. And you're wasting her time.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Lightly said:


> Going in with the intention to impress seems counterproductive because that doesn't exactly inspire honesty, does it? And candor is essential in therapy, and what you'll talk about might be potentially embarrassing, perhaps even shameful. Sure, it makes for a satisfying fantasy because it's meant to be a safe and supportive environment and that is something you've been lacking, but it's best to think of what will help your situation in the long-run and this fantasy seems to be motivated by your longing for intimacy more than anything else. Of course, your therapist can help with that but not in the way you're imagining but rather by working with you on building relationships outside of her (or him if you go that route).


This.


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## dice3510 (Sep 16, 2016)

Lightly said:


> Going in with the intention to impress seems counterproductive because that doesn't exactly inspire honesty, does it? And candor is essential in therapy, and what you'll talk about might be potentially embarrassing, perhaps even shameful. Sure, it makes for a satisfying fantasy because it's meant to be a safe and supportive environment and that is something you've been lacking, but it's best to think of what will help your situation in the long-run and this fantasy seems to be motivated by your longing for intimacy more than anything else. Of course, your therapist can help with that but not in the way you're imagining but rather by working with you on building relationships outside of her (or him if you go that route).


When did I say I would want to impress her? Especially by being dishonest?

I did say I would probably end up not wanting to disappoint her. However, by that I didn't mean that I would lie about my accomplishments or whatever, but that I wouldn't fail to do the "homework" she gives me, homework required to fix my life.

Her being female and me having romantic feelings for her might give me the motivation to get things done that no other therapist could.

I've heard that people manage to achieve fantastic changes in their personality when they're in a relationship and their partners motivate them to do the necessary hard work to fix themselves. Isn't it possible that this would work similarly?

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it doesn't work that way. But perhaps.



AllTheSame said:


> If you had an "attractive" female therapist would you be comfortable talking to her about your anxiety around women? And the reasons behind your anxiety? Would you feel comfortable talking about feelings of worthlessness you might have, and low self-esteem, and rejection, and feeling like you aren't enough? Not suggesting you have all these issues but a lot of guys with anxiety do. I think you have to be prepared, ready to be somewhat vulnerable and emotionally....naked....in front of your therapist (and it might be a fantasy of yours but I'm talking figuratively)...


I actually think I would have no problem with this at all.

I actually think what I desire the most is a "maternal" figure who cares for me like her child (but I'm simultaneously attracted to her). And she sees all my weaknesses and everything (not sure if having this kind of fantasies means that I'm ****ed up beyond repair... but that isn't the topic now).



> It may not play out like you're thinking it will. If you can be totally honest with her, fine, go for it, but if you're there to impress her or something, if you're doing it to just say you can talk to a beautiful woman, if you're going to be less than totally, brutally honest with her you are wasting your time and your money. And you're wasting her time.


I don't think I'm doing it just so I can "talk" to an attractive woman. However, I am doing it because I want to get the care and attention of an attractive woman.

I have absolutely no interest in impressing her.


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## dice3510 (Sep 16, 2016)

I'd like to say that there's a 95% chance that I won't be doing this. It's probably just better to find a good therapist. But this is an interesting idea that I came up with and I wanted to discuss it with someone. Maybe, just maybe, there is some value in that thought.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

@*dice3510* So...why does it have to be the care and attention of an attractive woman?

If you had the choice between a very, very attractive therapist whose ink wasn't even dry on her diploma yet, and who really didn't know her *** from a hole in the ground, didn't know what she was talking about and had no idea what she was doing....

Or you could choose a woman with whom you felt absolutely no attraction whatsoever for, but was really looked up to and respected by her colleagues and had done groundbreaking research into how to treat anxiety and was incredibly intelligent...

Which one would you choose?


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I have an attractive therapist (probably in her early 30's I'm guessing). I didn't seek her out, I just said 'female' when I was asked what gender I preferred. I just go for help dealing with stress...don't care too much about the anxiety. And she's trying to help me be less 'avoidant' and 'passive aggressive'. So not like I have any deep/dark **** to talk with her about.

Maybe it could help you be at least a little more comfortable in being around and talking to attractive chicks, but much, much, much more likely, you will fall for her and then be depressed and have horrendously awkward/pointless therapy sessions.


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## Lightly (Jun 5, 2013)

dice3510 said:


> I've heard that people manage to achieve fantastic changes in their personality when they're in a relationship and their partners motivate them to do the necessary hard work to fix themselves. Isn't it possible that this would work similarly?


I don't know, romantic relationships can potentially change a person for the better, but they won't make the problems you've been carrying around with you for years just _disappear_. They'll still be there and be apart of the relationship; you can't forget that. It seems that you're giving too much power to the to the other person and ignoring the relationship you have with yourself.

Besides, a relationship between patient and therapist just isn't the same as one you'd have with a significant other.



> I actually think what I desire the most is a "maternal" figure who cares for me like her child (but I'm simultaneously attracted to her). And she sees all my weaknesses and everything (not sure if having this kind of fantasies means that I'm ****ed up beyond repair... but that isn't the topic now).





> I don't think I'm doing it just so I can "talk" to an attractive woman. However, I am doing it because I want to get the care and attention of an attractive woman.


Again- it's understandable wanting to receive care and attention after years of isolation, and a good therapist will provide a safe and accepting environment, but try to remember it probably won't go as you imagine. You don't necessarily know how you'll react if you do become attached or maybe you'll be disappointed by the experience. And if it is this desire driving you to seek help, in a way it's a good thing, but ask yourself why. Why aren't you able to experience the connection you desire outside of therapy? How can you change that? Are your expectations of others realistic? etc Long-term recovery is what's most important.


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## Bg55 (Sep 19, 2016)

I'm actually the opposite, I usually prefer males over females since they're more relatable, a female would just make me uncomfortable and nervous 90% of the time.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I had an attractive female doctor examine my eyes at a hospital a while ago. I was worried the whole time that my pupils would be dilated or something because I thought she was attractive :/ I don't want anyone I find attractive to be my therapist it would be very awkward.

Also



> And I wouldn't want to disappoint her.


therapy doesn't work when you start worrying about that. I speak from personal experience. Not just therapy either other stuff.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Sounds like an overall bad idea. Women aren't stupid and a therapist in particular is going to spot what you're up to pretty quick. I don't know. I mean therapists are a whole different breed from the types of people we tend to interact with so maybe she wouldn't be entirely creeped out if she thought one of her patients might be stalking her but ummmm...yeah. Not good.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Sure, why not? Therapy is where you can practice you social skills, so why not do it with a hot therapist? Especially since they charge $100 or so an hour. Otherwise, you could just get a book and learn CBT or whatever modality you're into.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

I had a model looking therapist with a very short skirt that used to cross it's legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and all it did for me was distract my attention from therapy itself, made me think about sex the whole session, and raised my anxiety to levels that I couldn't think straight.

If you do this there is also the risk of you becoming too attached to her or developing a crush to her witch will sabotage your whole therapy. Also, if impressing her will be the thing motivating you to get s__t done, then you're heading on the wrong road.

If you really really want a girlfriend then ask girls out, it's ok. But mixing that kind of emotions into therapy is going to be overall counterproductive. And if you think of it one of the points of therapy is to make you confident enough to approach girls in the first place.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

RenegadeReloaded said:


> *I had a model looking therapist with a very short skirt that used to cross it's legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct *and all it did for me was distract my attention from therapy itself, made me think about sex the whole session, and raised my anxiety to levels that I couldn't think straight.
> 
> If you do this there is also the risk of you becoming too attached to her or developing a crush to her witch will sabotage your whole therapy. Also, if impressing her will be the thing motivating you to get s__t done, then you're heading on the wrong road.
> 
> If you really really want a girlfriend then ask girls out, it's ok. But mixing that kind of emotions into therapy is going to be overall counterproductive. And if you think of it one of the points of therapy is to make you confident enough to approach girls in the first place.


Jesus, why don't I ever get therapists like that. I'm glad my shrink doesn't wear short skirts - I don't think he's got the legs for it.

This really doesn't sound like a good idea OP - you'll just fall for her and then where will you be? Plus you'll probably be too intimidated to tell her how you really feel anyway, so the therapy won't get anywhere.


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## Mr A (Oct 7, 2015)

The first time I attended therapy at my local clinic, I was assigned an emotionally pleasant, attractive female therapist who would wear a knee high skirt. Sadly though, because I have such extreme issues with timekeeping and going to bed too late (really bad habit), I constantly overslept and missed all of them. When I got there I was late, and she told me she would have to discharge me from it, which was a shame because I thought I would get along with her well (I'm phobic of females anyway, but I still find it easier to open up to girls than guys). When I called back recently, I though they would pair me up with her again, but I guess that's not gonna happen.

Uh, my internet/media addiction has ruined me.

I know how you feel OP, I can't bring myself to form a supportive romantic relationship with someone else either, even though I feel so depraved of affection and respect. I feel that a dozen or so sessions with an attractive female therapist would not only help with my problems, but also actually make me feel like I'm not a scumbag to everyone else around me, and actually feel validated by her. Regardless, it may not go as you planned, maybe she would be nice to you, but at the end of the day you would still be nothing more than a "patient" to her.

But nah, I don't think this makes you juvenile, it just sounds like you're just as depraved of affection as me.


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