# Family is dead to me



## LonelyNomadJermaine (Jul 28, 2013)

At this point my pent up rage, anxiety and my family's' behavior is starting to piss me off. My Dad used to be the only one that gets on my nerves, now its everyone. I'm starting to revert back to those days as a elementary school kid where I would show up home angry every day. Aside from the food, shelter, finance and clothing I can't think of anything that would make me stay in contact with family if I ever was on my own. When I think about it, take away genetics, offspring, common ancestry, family is really nothing more than a bunch of people living together and acting really comfortable with each other whether positive or not. Ever since I thought this my family is basically strangers and I feel like a leech although my parents chose to keep me so I guess I mean something to them.

I have barely anything in common with them and they get on my nerves a lot. One of the reasons lately I've been locking myself up in my room and not leaving for anything but food and bathroom.

My mom doesn't seem to just get me, she keeps denying the fact I am an atheist no matter what I say same for my older sister. She won't leave me alone sometimes till I get aggressive. She's trying to "fix" my aspergers and social anxiety. She nags me when I don't respond back to people when from the looks of my face I clearly don't want to and when I am ready to respond back she doesn't even let me speak "Jermaine he talking to you!" right when I'm about to respond, her meddling gets on my nerves.

She tries to drag me out with the family. In result I walk at least 20 feet ahead or behind my family because they're embarrassing in public.
She makes me go to these improvisational meetings. The only good thing that came out of it was that I for the first time 16 years made a real friend, now he's going to college and I'm back to being a loser again.

My oldest sister acts like a know it all the worst part is she is wrong most of the time, for crying out loud she thinks that atomic bombs were used in the Vietnam war and she proves herself "right" by basing off the fact that I forgot the dates of the Vietnam War and WW2. 0She thinks she knows me when she barely knows what my favorite color is or my birthday for that matter.

Dad is a dick, well he hasn't been a dick lately, I guess he is more self conscious of his actions he has upon me since I'm becoming more aggressive(before I usually let him yell at me and verbal abuse for the littlest and pettiest things, now I'll actually retaliate back) and the fact that they figured out I was diagnosed with aspergers so they're trying to treat me more "special". At one point he was very two faced whenever we were out in public or had guest over he would be very kind and polite but soon as they leave or get back home he turns nasty. I remember the time when I was about 5 years old, he was real mad at my mom, grabbed a phonebook and threw it at her except it didn't didn't hit her and instead hit my baby sister.

My youngest sister turned from a sweet little girl to a hoodrat (you can thank Bronx schools for that) she gets into trouble a lot but is very sociable even though she attracts the wrong crowd. At one time she brought her friends over and they ate all my baking chocolate and used my expensive flour as make up. Since I use baking as an outlet for my anger this really made me mad. Her friends harass me and are very rude which is why I'm hating little kids of this new generation. It's amazing how she managed to be my dads favorite for a long time when the most behaved out of all of us.

My 2nd youngest sister, meh she be a bit *****y at times but she is very tolerable.

The only family I was ever actually happy around was my Mom's sisters family, they were more financially stable although my uncle was dead long before I was born and my Aunt was left to raise to boys by herself they all turned out fine. I get sad whenever I leave my Aunt's house because I'm going back to my government funded hellhole (the projects/Government housing).

This one of the reasons why I never invite people over or have a girlfriend because eventually I have to bring them to the shame I live in especially when their families are more financial off for example my only real friend lived in a pent house and his mom owned the entire building, I'm amazed he isn't a smug person and is very down to earth but then again it could because of the aspergers. Even though he doesn't make fun of me or look down on me I still feel greatly inferior to him.


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## Eco (Aug 7, 2013)

Parents think they made us, but when it comes to things they don't like about us, they deny their responsibility. I am sure that each of us are unique and if it weren't for the damage we absorbed from our family and environment, we'd each be living our lives to the fullest without dependancy or disorder or aging for that matter.. we weren't meant to have broken wings. I think that we are each the perfect soul to HELP our parents, to let them see their own condition so they can correct it but we haven't understood the symptoms are a result of some real cause, every action has a reaction..

Question is, what's the solution?

I hear you love cooking  pleanty of work there, we all need grub! Does the aspergers stop you from working/living elsewhere?

I know we need our families but they're not always serving our better good.. we have to love ourselves more than this, achieve little things to gain confidence, believe in ourselves... Good luck!


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## LonelyNomadJermaine (Jul 28, 2013)

Eco said:


> Parents think they made us, but when it comes to things they don't like about us, they deny their responsibility. I am sure that each of us are unique and if it weren't for the damage we absorbed from our family and environment, we'd each be living our lives to the fullest without dependancy or disorder or aging for that matter.. we weren't meant to have broken wings. I think that we are each the perfect soul to HELP our parents, to let them see their own condition so they can correct it but we haven't understood the symptoms are a result of some real cause, every action has a reaction..
> 
> Question is, what's the solution?
> 
> ...


I'm normally not comfortable around people and it takes time for me.
If I were to work in a kitchen and someone pissed me off it wouldn't be pretty considering what I could use to beat said person with.

I don't think I can handle working with people unless the people I work with I enjoy and feel comfortable around. Workplace bullying is becoming more common and I have been a recent victim of it. The only way I can see myself making money is I'm my own boss or am fortunate enough to work with decent people.


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## JadedJade (Feb 12, 2013)

LonelyNomadJermaine said:


> This one of the reasons why I never invite people over or have a girlfriend because eventually I have to bring them to the shame I live in especially when their families are more financial off for example my only real friend lived in a pent house and his mom owned the entire building, I'm amazed he isn't a smug person and is very down to earth but then again it could because of the aspergers. Even though he doesn't make fun of me or look down on me I still feel greatly inferior to him.


Anytime I think of making friends or possible close relationships I become greatly concerned of how my parents or other family members would act. Most would make some stupid joke or ask intimate details, while others would not approve regardless of the person for the sake of not approving. I desperately, especially now, need to get out from under my parents, but I depend on them greatly with my poor health I was born with.



LonelyNomadJermaine said:


> My mom doesn't seem to just get me, she keeps denying the fact I am an atheist no matter what I say...


Can really relate to this. Anytime I have an issue, problem or show even a hint of a negative emotion I'm told to just "go read your bible" "go talk to god" This is my parents excuse for not dealing with me.


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