# If you're a male that has shy traits, you might as well stick your head in the sand



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

It's a dating death sentence for males. Even if you get dates, girls will be bored and lose interest, possibly at the first moment of prolonged silence.

So your only option if you have such traits? Either work on them/improve them, or by ear plugs that can keep sand out, because you're going to need them. 

The truth sucks.


----------



## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

*sticks head in the sand*


----------



## GoingBaldSucks (Mar 16, 2013)

It's all looks.

A shy good looking guy is sexy.


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

GoingBaldSucks said:


> It's all looks.
> 
> A shy good looking guy is sexy.


He's "sexy", but he's still not getting anywhere on a date unless he's not akward shy and just shy by choice.

My "ex" (and I use that term loosely since we only dated 3 times) said I was a beta-male trapped in an alpha males body. So you can say it's looks all you want, but if you're boring or akward, you're toast. Plain and simple.


----------



## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

A lot of people with "shy traits" are perfectly capable of opening up if they're with the right person. I'm shy in general, but if I'm with someone I have a lot in common with, I have little difficulty carrying a conversation (at least if it's a one-on-one setting, anyway; in groups it can still be kind of difficult for me).

If _your_ shyness is so severe that you have prolonged silences even with people you have a lot in common with, then yes, absolutely, do what you can to work on it. But you don't speak for all shy people, and all you're doing by declaring shy traits a "death sentence" is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself (unless, again, you're willing to make an effort to improve what you think you have to improve).


----------



## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)

I think there's a difference between being shy and just being socially awkward. A girl would be turned off right away regardless of looks if the guy is socially awkward. Unless he's a model status looking guy and all she's looking for is just to get laid.


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

anonymid said:


> A lot of people with "shy traits" are perfectly capable of opening up if they're with the right person. I'm shy in general, but if I'm with someone I have a lot in common with, I have little difficulty carrying a conversation (at least if it's a one-on-one setting, anyway; in groups it can still be kind of difficult for me).
> 
> If _your_ shyness is so severe that you have prolonged silences even with people you have a lot in common with, then yes, absolutely, do what you can to work on it. But you don't speak for all shy people, and all you're doing by declaring shy traits a "death sentence" is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself (unless, again, you're willing to make an effort to improve what you think you have to improve).


I only said "shy traits" because that suggests unassertive and "wimpy" traits would probably been seen as trolling.

Also, a lot of people proclaim to be shy when they aren't(_I'm not saying you, just in general_), so I probably should have went ahead and used a more direct term. And I've been on dates, more than a hand full, so I'm speaking from experience: if you're passive, you're going to have much less success as a male who isn't. It's as simple as that.


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

SupaDupaFly said:


> I think there's a difference between being shy and just being socially awkward. A girl would be turned off right away regardless of looks if the guy is socially awkward. Unless he's a model status looking guy *and all she's looking for is just to get laid*.


Which is rare for women. And his awkwardness would eff it up somehow. If she really wants to get laid, she'd just find a slightly less attractive guy that's not awkward. Don't ask me how I know...


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Theillusiveman said:


> It's a dating death sentence for males. Even if you get dates, girls will be bored and lose interest, possibly at the first moment of prolonged silence.


 Yeah - that happened to me plenty. I didn't stick my head in the sand. I stuck my dick into some hookers!


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

scarpia said:


> Yeah - that happened to me plenty. I didn't stick my head in the sand. I stuck my dick into some hookers!


lol


----------



## Lelii046 (Apr 15, 2013)

I'd rather have a shy guy, because my first ex was extremely outgoing, and he turned out to be a jerk in the end. I think I'd connect better with a shy guy.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Lelii046 said:


> I'd rather have a shy guy, because my first ex was extremely outgoing, and he turned out to be a jerk in the end. I think I'd connect better with a shy guy.


Many shy guys are jerks too.


----------



## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

No social skills and being socially awkward plus shyness is a killer

I am 23 and still cant talk to women under any circumstance - I practically avoid all women now.


----------



## Khantko (Apr 27, 2012)

sticking head in sand


----------



## stinky (Oct 24, 2009)

i wonder how long we'll keep posting about this.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

Cool story. I will now take your advice and base my entire live off of it.


----------



## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

all lies. i'm the shyest guy ever and i've had some great gfs.


----------



## Sanctus (Dec 10, 2010)

8 failures in 3 years due to shyness and so far i had little succes to get over it , its breaking my heart so deep


----------



## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Read my signature.


----------



## mahnamahna (Apr 10, 2013)

This is so true! I'm socially awkward, and can be initially outgoing but after a whole I get anxious and turn girls off. I hate how a simple love connection is convoluted with me lol


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

andy1984 said:


> all lies. i'm the shyest guy ever and i've had some great gfs.


I wish more people on here were like this

I'll admit a man being shy is probably a turn off to some women but not all.


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

stinky said:


> i wonder how long we'll keep posting about this.


When it stops being true.


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

This is what I fear being considered boring and the girl losing interest in me. Its hard enough finding a girl who wants to go out with me much less keep her interested. What's worse is that it leads to me putting on a show when I notice a girl getting bored. But me pretending to be this confident extrovert guy isn't me and then its not long until I tell her how I really am and screw everything up. I still hold the idealistic belief that there is someone out there for me. Have to keep some optimism to keep motivated and keep trying.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Only if you're socially awkward.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I'm going to state the obvious here because it seems like nobody else has yet. ~*~A lot of shy girls like shy guys specifically.~*~ You're welcome. There you go.


----------



## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

You're right.


----------



## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

lisbeth said:


> I'm going to state the obvious here because it seems like nobody else has yet. ~*~A lot of shy girls like shy guys specifically.~*~ You're welcome. There you go.


Only thing is you'll then have a situation were neither will make the move and one will assume that one isn't interested, that's what happened to me at least.

Plus the awkwardness thing is just pure murder for starting a relationship. Not even shy girls like that.


----------



## CruisinAround (Aug 9, 2013)

Yup all women like and dislike the exact same things in guys.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

The Phantom Pain said:


> Only thing is you'll then have a situation were neither will make the move and one will assume that one isn't interested, that's what happened to me at least.
> 
> Plus the awkwardness thing is just pure murder for starting a relationship. Not even shy girls like that.


I mean, if it's as bad as the situation you described, then yeah. It depends _how _shy both of them are.



CruisinAround said:


> Yup all women like and dislike the exact same things in guys.


^^^


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

I'm a shy guy and have done alright. (Not amazing, but okay).

The idea that you can just say "women do/don't like this" and "men do/don't like this" is just insane. The diversity between those "gender" groups makes that sort of generelaisation just useless.


----------



## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I don't have any sand. Will my *** do?


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

SteinerOfThule said:


> I don't have any sand. Will my *** do?


Maybe, but I wouldn't recommend it...Unless you do yoga that is


----------



## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

the problem isn't your shy traits, its you.


----------



## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

And why dont you deserve it? the only time you dont deserve something is when you are not willing to fight for it. As long as i am self aware and conscious i will use the gift to fight for what i think is right and true even if it does seem impossible or inevitable! because if i just lay down and take it because i believe that i can do nothing you know i might as well be dead!


----------



## Theillusiveman (Mar 18, 2013)

Elad said:


> the problem isn't your shy traits, its you.


Yeah, that wasn't personal...And you truly have to have severe SA to know what I'm talking about.

People who just "think" they have it will always say the same thing.


----------



## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

Theillusiveman said:


> Yeah, that wasn't personal...And you truly have to have severe SA to know what I'm talking about.
> 
> People who just "think" they have it will always say the same thing.


Let me be more clear, its not meant to be a personal attack. People with shy traits still get girlfriends, its not the death sentence as you put it (which is pretty ridiculous). The death sentence is how much you make of your shy traits, if you base your identity around it and go around dating with the mentality of "urh this girl will hate me i'm shy. ugh i'm so shy i suck" then obviously you're going to fail. When I say its you I mean its what your turning your shy traits into in your head - a death sentence - when the reality is a lot of people have shy traits and understand it, its only when we blow it up in our heads that it becomes a "death sentence".

Also, if you're alluding that I don't actually have anxiety and just think I do, I'm clinically diagnosed since I was about 15. The only reason it might sound like I don't have it is because over the years we find ways to cope and move forward in our own ways, that doesn't necessarily diminish our problems.


----------



## pinkkeith (Jul 25, 2013)

anonymid said:


> A lot of people with "shy traits" are perfectly capable of opening up if they're with the right person. I'm shy in general, but if I'm with someone I have a lot in common with, I have little difficulty carrying a conversation (at least if it's a one-on-one setting, anyway; in groups it can still be kind of difficult for me).


I find that if I like someone I tend to be more quiet. I think the thought is if I open my mouth and say something I'll look stupid and the other person won't like me back.


----------



## Scruffy The Janitor (Oct 21, 2013)

Theillusiveman said:


> It's a dating death sentence for males. Even if you get dates, girls will be bored and lose interest, possibly at the first moment of prolonged silence.
> 
> So your only option if you have such traits? Either work on them/improve them, or by ear plugs that can keep sand out, because you're going to need them.
> 
> The truth sucks.


By saying that you are implying that girls are only after one type of guy which is an outgoing, talkative type. Why can't there be girls out there who are not interested in that type of guy? Or are all girls the same to you?



Lelii046 said:


> ...


BTW, I love your avatar, Pon & Zi are awesome.:clap


----------



## Putin (May 21, 2013)

Theillusiveman said:


> It's a dating death sentence for males. Even if you get dates, girls will be bored and lose interest, possibly at the first moment of prolonged silence.
> 
> So your only option if you have such traits? Either work on them/improve them, or by ear plugs that can keep sand out, because you're going to need them.
> 
> The truth sucks.


Sad but true


----------



## AndyCab (Oct 15, 2013)

Listen, folks. You are putting _way_ too much into one part of who you are. Yes it effects every part of our lives and, yes, many of us have it coupled with other things (like depression). 
But ya know what? For every kind of person and their disabilities, there is a completely opposite person with a matching ability. That helps me not feel so helpless. Now, that doesn't mean I've excused myself from challenging my SA and making a move or reaching out. 
I'm 25 and I've only have 2 girlfriends and only slept with one once. I didn't have a girlfriend til I was 21. That one lasted about 3 weeks before she broke up with me for no reason. Second one, we spent about 4 months getting to know each other and flirting through aim, fb, skype, oovoo, texting. Then I came back and about a week later she broke up with me. For the past 3 years I've been struggling withe the damage these girls have caused. I felt like it must have been all my fault: I moved too fast or too slow or wasn't interesting enough or didn't like the right things. 
But listen, all I had to do was comment on one of their photos an they pretty much carried me the rest of the way (the damn b's). And you know what? I had the same effect on them that they had on me, at least physically. Like when I was around them they couldn't eat and were anxious. Is that why it didn't work? No, it didn't work because they both are messed up in the head from past lovers which shouldn't have effected my chance at happiness, but who's bitter?
In short, MY POINT is that girls are gonna happen whether you have SA or not. When they do, you might end up wishing they hadn't happened. Just do you and learn to enjoy your own company. If someone is lookin for you they will find you (and possibly make your life a living hell). Worry about developing other parts of your life. Concentrating on working on this. 
Or be like me and get a cat.


----------



## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

The Phantom Pain said:


> Only thing is you'll then have a situation were *neither will make the move and one will assume that one isn't interested*, that's what happened to me at least.
> 
> Plus the awkwardness thing is just pure murder for starting a relationship. Not even shy girls like that.


Story of my (non-existent) dating life

Also, getting really tired of the trendy, sarcastic replies about how generalizations are completely meaningless because everybody is an individual. If generalizations are entirely meaningless, why do the SAME situations and complaints pop up AGAIN and AGAIN from both men AND women about each other? There's a reason. And you can't say it's all in people's heads, because people continuously have experiences that reflect others' experiences TIME AND AGAIN. But no, men don't TEND to do anything and women don't TEND to do anything either, because we're all unique snowflakes. Why is there constant conflict repeating the same patterns again and again? Seriously, I want an answer for this. And don't even say if's only about negative stereotyping, because these people who say generalizations are meaningless ALSO say that men and women don't have ANY preferences or characteristics as a group GENERALLY, because again, we're all unique and beautiful snowflakes. It's a logical fallacy to claim that a generalization is 100 percent false because there is 1 exception to it.


----------



## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

This is probably going to be something of a speech, but whatever, I have to get this off my chest.

It is perfectly possible to get a girlfriend if your shy. Many girls love shy guys. They think "Oh, deep down, I'm sure he's amazing, I'm sure he knows how to have fun, he seems so different from all the other guys". And often, this is true. Many shy guys have a whole army of secret admirers, but they are unable to read the signals they give. You just have to be shy, but also have a personality to that shyness, take care of your looks, basically everything the average guy has to do to be desirable.

But me, well, yes, I'm shy, but there is nothing special about me. I'm not some mysterious romantic figure with a deep past. I'm not some artistic guy with a secret talent. I'm not some lost soul, rebelling against society, even though I sometimes wish I was. I'm not even a regular guy with a bit of a shy streak. I'm just a worthless loser wasting his life away doing literally nothing productive with his life. What you see is what you get with me. 
I'm not a closed book waiting to be read, I'm an empty cover with no pages in it. I'm not special or above the average guy in any way, in fact I'm worth less than them.

Now THAT is someone no girl will ever want.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Ntln said:


> This is probably going to be something of a speech, but whatever, I have to get this off my chest.
> 
> It is perfectly possible to get a girlfriend if your shy. Many girls love shy guys. They think "Oh, deep down, I'm sure he's amazing, I'm sure he knows how to have fun, he seems so different from all the other guys". And often, this is true. Many shy guys have a whole army of secret admirers, but they are unable to read the signals they give. You just have to be shy, but also have a personality to that shyness, take care of your looks, basically everything the average guy has to do to be desirable.
> 
> ...


To be honest chap you're pretty poetic with your emo-ism. Overly happy girls love that attitude!


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

You should only stick your head in the sand if Family Guy is about to air an episode with Muhammad.


----------



## vinylman (Apr 22, 2012)

always starting over said:


> Story of my (non-existent) dating life
> 
> Also, getting really tired of the trendy, sarcastic replies about how generalizations are completely meaningless because everybody is an individual. If generalizations are entirely meaningless, why do the SAME situations and complaints pop up AGAIN and AGAIN from both men AND women about each other? There's a reason. And you can't say it's all in people's heads, because people continuously have experiences that reflect others' experiences TIME AND AGAIN. But no, men don't TEND to do anything and women don't TEND to do anything either, because we're all unique snowflakes. Why is there constant conflict repeating the same patterns again and again? Seriously, I want an answer for this. And don't even say if's only about negative stereotyping, because these people who say generalizations are meaningless ALSO say that men and women don't have ANY preferences or characteristics as a group GENERALLY, because again, we're all unique and beautiful snowflakes. It's a logical fallacy to claim that a generalization is 100 percent false because there is 1 exception to it.


great, and here i was hoping social stereotypes weren't always true. oh well i guess i'm safe being sheltered from the world. i have too many features about me women supposedly don't like in a man, so it's for the best.


----------



## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> To be honest chap you're pretty poetic with your emo-ism. Overly happy girls love that attitude!


I should make that my signature or something


----------



## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

vinylman said:


> great, and here i was hoping social stereotypes weren't always true. oh well i guess i'm safe being sheltered from the world. i have too many features about me women supposedly don't like in a man, so it's for the best.


This is the whole problem, people think it's either all or nothing. They think it has to be 100 percent of men do X, or 0 percent of men do X. There's no in between. I'm not saying stereotypes are true, I'm asking why do the same complaints pop up over and over again? These complains are just as old as human history, so they had to come from somewhere. It's possible to acknowledge this possibility and at the same time recognize that generalizations are just that - GENERAL.


----------



## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

Correction, if you're a shy male that has no charisma, intelligence, interesting hobbies, psychical attractiveness, a good ability to listen, a good economic position and lives in your parent's basement at age 30 then you won't have much of a chance.

That idea that unless you're some super "alpha" male then you're invisible to women is quite nonsensical, all women are different and they all look for different things. If you just happen to be unattractive in every single category imaginable then... Well, what the hell do you expect?


----------



## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

Schierke said:


> Correction, if you're a shy male that has no charisma, intelligence, interesting hobbies, psychical attractiveness, a good ability to listen, a good economic position and lives in your parent's basement at age 30 then you won't have much of a chance.
> 
> That idea that unless you're some super "alpha" male then you're invisible to women is quite nonsensical, all women are different and they all look for different things. If you just happen to be unattractive in every single category imaginable then... Well, what the hell do you expect?


This seems like common sense, though. I'm shy with lots of good qualities that I'm confident about, and the reason I don't get dates is because I hate small talk and I don't initiate conversations with women.


----------



## jessabones (Jun 25, 2013)

I love shy guys....and the ones from Super Mario.


----------



## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

This thread is the truth

I get spoken to and treated like a child because of me being 'shy'


----------



## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Theillusiveman said:


> It's a dating death sentence for males. Even if you get dates, girls will be bored and lose interest, possibly at the first moment of prolonged silence.
> 
> So your only option if you have such traits? Either work on them/improve them, or by ear plugs that can keep sand out, because you're going to need them.
> 
> The truth sucks.


...or you can look for women that have things in common with you. :idea


----------



## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

Rich91 said:


> This thread is the truth
> 
> I get spoken to and treated like a child because of me being 'shy'


This happens to me all the time.

A few weeks ago a woman at work who is the same age as me called me a 'boy' and not in a jokey way either, I'm 23 years old ffs. I think people genuinely see me as a kid because I am socially stuned and they know it Also just because I look like a 15 year old doesn't mean you have any right to treat me like one.


----------



## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

jessabones said:


> I love shy guys....and the ones from Super Mario.


You have just won the thread.


----------



## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Lol..right


----------

