# If I had just 1 truly quality friend irl then...



## lily (Nov 9, 2018)

things would be a lot easier and happier for me. Anyone feel this way? I would like to be comforted/supported, thank you


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## lily (Nov 9, 2018)

No one even replied to this? it seems to show what unquality people most of the people are on here.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Friends are nice, a goal of mine .


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## lily (Nov 9, 2018)

Thanks for your reply. I thought you had friends  I hope you get the right kinds of friends. I'm going to post in the Spiritual section now.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Um...it would be cool, but I'm used to not having that. My friendships are _always_ shallow...I think it's mostly because it's hard for me to open up and be vulnerable.

I'm the friend that listens to your problems, is always making jokes, but you've never seen me cry. You've never heard me say anything about my mental health. I wouldn't tell you if I was scared or lonely or depressed. And most people don't care to ask anyway. :stu


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## zkv (Feb 18, 2020)

I feel ya. It'd be nice to know someone cares. School was a nightmare for me though, no real friends there, the "friendships" I got there were superficial and kinda toxic. I had one pretty loyal friend outside school until I was, I don't know, maybe 17 or 18. I was so beaten down by then that I felt I was a pathetic black hole of depression so I cut contact. I do that. He kept trying to get in touch with me (a really sweet dude) but I guess eventually he got tired. Big mistake on my part really.


lily said:


> No one even replied to this? it seems to show what unquality people most of the people are on here.


There are plenty of possible reasons for it. Doesn't really say anything clear of their character.


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## lily (Nov 9, 2018)

mezzoforte said:


> Um...it would be cool, but I'm used to not having that. My friendships are _always_ shallow...I think it's mostly because it's hard for me to open up and be vulnerable.
> 
> I'm the friend that listens to your problems, is always making jokes, but you've never seen me cry. You've never heard me say anything about my mental health. I wouldn't tell you if I was scared or lonely or depressed. And most people don't care to ask anyway. :stu


So there are some people you feel who care so it's ok to be open to them if they do care.



zkv said:


> I feel ya. It'd be nice to know someone cares. School was a nightmare for me though, no real friends there, the "friendships" I got there were superficial and kinda toxic. I had one pretty loyal friend outside school until I was, I don't know, maybe 17 or 18. I was so beaten down by then that I felt I was a pathetic black hole of depression so I cut contact. I do that. He kept trying to get in touch with me (a really sweet dude) but I guess eventually he got tired. Big mistake on my part really.
> 
> There are plenty of possible reasons for it. Doesn't really say anything clear of their character.


If someone kept cutting contact with me, I'd feel they don't care or they have issues and I'm obviously not getting a friend. lol, but one thing I'd like to say is if he was really sweet, I think you shouldn't have cut contact with him, but then again, you could be afraid that one day he wouldn't want to be friends with you, it's that insecurity that comes with it when you don't have confidence. I know I can take things personally about what I said about the site, it could be that people are insecure but that's just how I felt that probably people don't like me.


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

lily said:


> things would be a lot easier and happier for me. Anyone feel this way? I would like to be comforted/supported, thank you


Yes I feel this way too. I did have a really good friend (BFF) a few years back and I felt more secure/happy overall...&#8230;.but life was not THAAAT different lol. It still felt the same....just a little less lonely. Of course I didn't meet my BFF in real life every day. I used to meet her maybe once every two weeks but we used to chat every day. I wonder if I would have felt any different if our real life interactions were daily.


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## RSxo (Apr 19, 2018)

Friends can be very valuable! But just as people can come together without reason, they can also move apart. It's important to learn how to be okay in your own company


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## irishkarl (Apr 20, 2020)

i d like alot to have a loyal good friend.....but im currently friendless.....have been so for 11 yrs.....the friends i grew up with cause resentment as they were disloyal.....they didnt call on me at all when i suffered from depression


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

lily said:


> No one even replied to this? it seems to show what unquality people most of the people are on here.


LOL

If you are looking to make friends then that's not how you do it.


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## Sekiro (Dec 29, 2019)

mezzoforte said:


> Um...it would be cool, but I'm used to not having that. My friendships are _always_ shallow...I think it's mostly because it's hard for me to open up and be vulnerable.
> 
> I'm the friend that listens to your problems, is always making jokes, but you've never seen me cry. You've never heard me say anything about my mental health. I wouldn't tell you if I was scared or lonely or depressed. And most people don't care to ask anyway. :stu


 Aw don't say that mezzo, I'd hang out with you if you weren't so far away from me <3

you could take me shopping :D


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

I have a fairly good friend but it's not enough.


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

lily said:


> Are you having a go at me? I said "irl"


In the post that I quote you specifically said "on here" and not "irl"

If you want to interpret that as me having a go then ok.


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## Shadow123 (Sep 13, 2019)

lily said:


> No one even replied to this? it seems to show what unquality people most of the people are on here.


Not surprised, everyone too preoccupied with themselves.


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## Lelouch Lamperouge (May 13, 2013)

It's nice having one friend, love her to death. It makes all the difference in the world having a support system


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## irishkarl (Apr 20, 2020)

it would be nice to have a friend.....i have currently zero friends and its been that way for over 20 yrs


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## W00DBINE (Sep 13, 2016)

Trouble with only having 1 friend is, when they hang out with their others friends and go out for drinks without you etc, and your friend never invites you, it kind of makes you feel left out and unwanted. Yes, I talk from experience.


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## Saeta (Jul 31, 2018)

That's inevitable. Sometimes, even people who have lots of friends can't hang out because all of them are either busy or hanging out with someone else. You could try to get closer to your friend's friends, to have more chances to be invited to things, or go to meet ups when none of your friends are available.


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## Oiche (Jul 22, 2017)

You can still find a true friend or at least friendly people here that will lend you their ear (love that saying) but yes I've had issues with "friends" bailing out once they realized I wasn't useful to them anymore.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

I think most people feel this way at some point, but especially introverts. I always ever wanted just one person who knew and understood me really deeply, who would accept all my flaws and enjoy spending time with me anyway. Having multiple friends made me feel uneasy because I didn't like having to divide my time and attention, and I didn't like being around multiple people at once. 

But at some point I realized how unrealistic that is, at least as an adult. I think kids manage to find that kind of friendship because kids are relatively simple, in terms of typically not having strong views with regards to things like religion, politics, sexuality, etc. After you grow up it becomes far less likely that you'll find someone you mesh with that closely. Adults also tend to have more ulterior motives for friendships, whereas at least young kids typically don't. 

I also realized at some point that I could be that friend for myself. Maybe that sounds crazy to some people but it works for me.


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## Harveykinkle (Apr 26, 2019)

Like Tetragammon said, we can be that friend to ourself, and I think that's usually the best route to take. If we make someone else our rock, if we lean too heavily on them, then we'll feel like the rug is pulled out from under us when they can't support us anymore or for whatever reason choose not to. The most stable thing is to become your own rock.

Don't get me wrong, friendship can be a wonderful thing. But it can also be messy and complicated especially if we bring a lot of emotions into it. So for me at least it's about finding that balance between building each other up while not putting too much pressure on each other. It helps if you're on a similar life path so the friendship isn't just about the two of you but the journey you're both sharing and pushing each other forward on.


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## irishkarl (Apr 20, 2020)

i forgot to menation lily a mental health club might be a good option for you.....im a member of one and i find you meet nice, humble folk there who understand.....as i said mental health clubs are places where you can go to participate in art, craetive writing, drama, yoga or group therapy to name but a few or else you can just drop in for a coffee.....these places are invaluable.....just ask your psychiatrist if you have one as social anxiety is regarded as a mental illness and thus you could qualify for membership......or else you could just say you have depression as well....PM me if you want to know more


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

I wish one person took/takes me seriously when I say something is wrong, or when I'm having off days due to what is wrong. But I think we all wish for that.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

I completely feel the same way. I think this is why I tried to get close to people are my job because I that's the only time I really talk to anybody. 
But wow! Big mistake!! They acted very friendly towards me but once they quit they vanished from my life. That hurt. Now I realize work needs to stay at work. It's not a place to build friendship. 

But yeah, I'd love one good friend for that support and just someone to hang out with. I feel so self conscious doing certain things alone in public, I could really use a buddy.

It's difficult because people my age already have their own family and friends and I'm not a competitive person. I mean what would I have to offer? Why would they choose to hangout with me instead of someone they've known for years? Just really sucks.


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## hateliving (Jun 12, 2018)

I'd be happy if i had a friend irl too. Or even online but yea i doubt that will happen ever.


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## dinosaurparty (Oct 18, 2019)

I've never actually had friends so I'm not exactly sure what that means. But sure I would like one. 

Problem is I have nothing to bring to the table. I have no interests, I'm bad at conversations and absolutely no drive to do anything these days. I don't know why anyone would waste their time with me.


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## melancholyscorpio (Aug 14, 2015)

mezzoforte said:


> Um...it would be cool, but I'm used to not having that. My friendships are _always_ shallow...I think it's mostly because it's hard for me to open up and be vulnerable.
> 
> I'm the friend that listens to your problems, is always making jokes, but you've never seen me cry. You've never heard me say anything about my mental health. I wouldn't tell you if I was scared or lonely or depressed. And most people don't care to ask anyway.


I relate to this.

I'm lucky to have one friend. We met in high school and 17 years later we're not even that close.

She always chooses others over me. She used to be close to her younger brother and when we went out, she always went off with him. I always felt like the third wheel.

I would be happy with her as an only friend if she actually treated me like a real friend and I know that I can trust her.


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