# Getting too attached to people?



## justin99

Lately I've started to realize that I get overly-attached to people, and I feel as though no one thinks much of me. This problem is starting to bother me to the point where it seems like a main contributor to my depression. These strong feelings of attachment seem to start when I first make plans with a new friend. This happened the other day when I invited a girl I met recently over to my house. We planned on watching a movie, but instead ended up talking, for hours. We both seemed to relate on many levels. It was the first time I've felt genuinely happy, even secure, in a couple of weeks since I went through a rough breakup. But after she went home, I felt lost, and familiar feelings of worthlessness began crawling back into me. I started thinking about how much she really sparked my interest, and how much I just wanted to get to know her better, wondering at the same time if she thought half as much of me. Since then, we've been talking through texting, facebook, etc, but she just hasn't seemed to act the same as she did that day she came over, which is bothering me just too much. We made plans to hang out again, but she made it clear that she didn't want to anymore when our other two friends cancelled, which made me feel like she was already bored of me, or I upset her or something. I just can't stop thinking about her, the next time I can see her, and so on. I also can't stop wondering what she thinks about me, and I think attaching myself to her and other friends is my way of just trying to be accepted. But it never feels like I'm getting anything out of it except for stress and depression.

So I have this attachment problem with almost everyone I meet. There just seems to be a place in me for everyone. I think this problem was first brought up in me as a result of the many times I've lost best friends due to moving all over the US. Since those years of losing friends, I've always been so desperate to have just one genuine friendship with someone who I know I can rely on.

So I wanted to know if anyone else has problems with becoming strongly attached to others, while feeling pathetic for it. I'd just like to relate to someone, and I would be so thankful to get a bit of advice to help me through this disorder.


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## fuggitman

I also have this problem. For me, at least, I think it's a symptom of not really having anybody in my life. Aside from family, I have nobody--hardly any acquaintances and no friends or significant other(s). So, when somebody does enter my life and seems to want to stick around, I sometimes get overly excited, because it's such a rare occurrence. And because it is so rare for me, whether or not I'm conscious of it, I attach a lot of importance to the newfound relationship. It's a problem if other people don't also see things the same way, which they rarely do, because, well, I don't meet too many crazies like myself. So I have to balance my craving for attention and not wanting to come off as clingy, which is tough, but I'm rarely fortunate enough to find myself in that position anyway. Furthermore, if there isn't equal investment in the relationship by both of parties, if/when they decide they're done with me, it hurts a lot.


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## justin99

I understand you completely. I think I used to come off as clingy, but I've quickly changed that recently, to where I'm a bit more reserved around others. That only seems to make matters worse though, because the thoughts about what they might think of me increase tenfold. In addition to this, I come off as someone with not much of a personality, which makes it very hard to establish friendships. It's very hard to remain socially active/interesting when there's no guidelines to tell you if you're trying too hard or not enough to make an impact on someone.


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## Lachlan

I think its a result of not being social enough.


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## Jessie203

^ Yeah I agree with that


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## fictionz

Sort of. I went for a subject field trip last year which lasted a week with my classmates, which made me feel really happy with them within that short period. I don't think they ever thought that much of that trip or me, that the trip is just a compulsory thing and it passes by and I am just a classmate... but I felt really fond of them after that and I missed the trip and the experience very much. Even when during those times I didn't talk to them much, I was just with them, silently and they were like amazed at how quiet I was while they're all really friendly with each other (they've known each other longer and had always been good friends among themselves). They all moved on happily afterwards and I who never spoke with them much within that 1 week time, eventually had to move on myself, knowing from then on I won't be around them that much anymore and none of us will really talk about our trip anymore. I miss my classmates and the fun trip, lol  I have accepted it though. I was too attached to the good times I had with them within the time of that trip, although I don't appear like it.


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## Atomicsteph

I definitely have an attachment problem. Right now, and for the past 3 years, it's been with my boyfriend. I noticed I had a problem before then when I would get attached to any guy I dated. For some reason it's only with guys I'm dating and not friends. I don't have many close friends so I guess that could be part of it. I wish I could get over it because it prevents me from doing so many things.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

This is something I'm trying to deal with, I'm pretty aware of my general over excitment when I'm being phatically amiable. I've just learned to curb it somewhat.

It's filling the balance in needs with genuinely fulfilling relationships that's the hard part!

Especially when you're nervous..

But it's definitely possible for me, I just need to be a lot more pro-social.


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## Moony

I do that to, I get overly attached to everyone.


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## Doni

Yeesss sir i def agree with that. I walk around everywhere being open and friendly to people even when they dont open back up to me. The the thing i hate is that its not that i dont like talking to people but when i do it, right after i feel bad and cant stop thinking about it, like i did something wrong to myself its weird. I've always been attached to people since young but i used to have control over it. I always kept a close circle of friends, a few guys i hang out with that really know me. Now all my friends grown up and moved on, started relationships and got their own places. Im still stuck at my crib with my mother, grandmother and annoying sister (who also suffers from mental illness but isnt open about it). Nowadays my attachments to people is out of control im all gushy and soft to everybody i meet, its annoying. The real reason why i do that is because of being single for over 2years. I kno if i met a girl similar to me with my same issues it would prob go away and i will get that feeling of warmth and connectness that i havent felt in a long time. IDK all my friends say im a loverboy and its prob gonna b the death of me but i cant help it, I am truelly from the bottom of my heart a "romantic," till the day i die. Some of my boys advise me to make myself feel better to treat girls like **** but i cant. Thats who I am I have a natural respect for people, even when they treat me like ****. I might be mad at that person and want to hurt them, but I always refrain myself from going out of character and calling a girl a ***** or curse them out. I always choose to swallow whatever pain and move on, show love to somebody else. So yea i too get to attached to people, it started off with women from puberty, but now at 23 its with everybody. Its almost kind of impulsive, Maybe its a disease who knows everything is a disease now. What i really feel is the cure for alot of people on this site is to just find love, one person or thing that makes u dont care about nothing or nobody else, and be able to share what precious time you share with that person and dont worry about nobody else or death or insanity and just enjoy every day like its ur last.


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## GunnyHighway

It's hard to not become attatched to people who are your friends, when they're so few and far between. I know this is a huge problem I have and it really hurts at times, trying to get close to someone only to have them disappear...



Doni said:


> IDK all my friends say im a loverboy and its prob gonna b the death of me but i cant help it, I am truelly from the bottom of my heart a "romantic," till the day i die. Some of my boys advise me to make myself feel better to treat girls like **** but i cant. Thats who I am I have a natural respect for people, even when they treat me like ****. I might be mad at that person and want to hurt them, but I always refrain myself from going out of character and calling a girl a ***** or curse them out. I always choose to swallow whatever pain and move on, show love to somebody else.


People on this forum seem to be able to explain my thoughts better than I can.


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## avoidobot3000

> I think this problem was first brought up in me as a result of the many times I've lost best friends due to moving all over the US. Since those years of losing friends, I've always been so desperate to have just one genuine friendship with someone who I know I can rely on.


Im no psychologist but, I have to agree with this theory, I've noticed clingy-ness in people, myself included, who have lost someone through death, painful break-up, divorced parents, moving etc. Because losing someone can create a massive void that you feel desperate to fill. You've just got to try and dial it down a bit.. not everyone that talks to you for ages wants to be your best friend don't take it personally.. sometimes they are just good talkers or friendly/polite. Have patience, good friendships take time.


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## Freiheit

I get too attached to people...what's worse is that I actually trick myself into thinking that we are actually friends when that isn't so, since they only talk to me once in a blue moon...I think people want to do stuff with me only as a last resort but when someone else comes along, they're happy to ditch me...This is why I sort of gave up on having friends...


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## Donnie in the Dark

we all want really badly to properly connect with people- everyone does, and being sensitive and awkward socially I think exacerbates this. Its hard not to get carried away as soon as you have a decent time with someone.Leads to disappointment later, but...

"Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."

(Tennyson)


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## Vip3r

Olazet91 said:


> I get too attached to people...what's worse is that I actually trick myself into thinking that we are actually friends when that isn't so, since they only talk to me once in a blue moon...I think people want to do stuff with me only as a last resort but when someone else comes along, they're happy to ditch me...This is why I sort of gave up on having friends...


 :ditto


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## xtina

YES. i'm "seeing" a guy for the first time in my life. we've only been doing this for a little over a month and i feel like we've known each other for forever - he's actually the one that said "we're getting way too attached to each other" mehhhhhh :/ i'm scared. he's leaving soon on a road trip across the country - he assures me he wants to be with me when he comes back, says he might even take me on vacation somewhere, but i'm so afraid of losing him..

done rambling.


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## cindy8701

*i know exactly how you feel*

Hey justin99
I know exactly how you feel, i have the same problem.
When I meet a new person I instantly become attached to them. I feel as though I have the potential to love this person (whoever it is at the time) wholly and unconditionally, despite there faults and flaws, in my eyes they are perfect and I treat them as such. I become addicted to them, needing their constant attention and reassurance. 
This attachment problem has obviously caused me alot of problems in relationships, in one relationship- caused me to be used, as he could see this all unfolding and abused it, having me basically pay for everything, his rent, drug habit etc. In my last 'relationship' in ended it, it was long distance and so obviously most of our communication was internet/phone based. It got to the point that I would get upset and feel abandoned when he had to get off the phone, despite talking for several hours.

Despite being obviously aware of these problems I can't seem to break the behavioural cycle, it seems as though I can only value people at the two extremes, either not at all, or they are my entire world. And when they leave my world shatters

I think it is because I really don't have anyone else in my life, no real friends or family, no other social support. So they instantly take on all of those roles.

It is somewhat comforting to see that I am not the only person suffering in this way.


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## Paragon

Hmm i know how this feels too. Definitely because there's not enough people in my life. When i have a few plans and one falls through it doesn't bother me as much. I've only felt like someone was more attached to me than them maybe once or twice in my life.


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## lonely metalhead

I have this same problem I'm glad other people know what I'm going thru I have lost alot of friends cuz of it


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## BoAKaN

fuggitman said:


> I also have this problem. For me, at least, I think it's a symptom of not really having anybody in my life. Aside from family, I have nobody--hardly any acquaintances and no friends or significant other(s). So, when somebody does enter my life and seems to want to stick around, I sometimes get overly excited, because it's such a rare occurrence. And because it is so rare for me, whether or not I'm conscious of it, I attach a lot of importance to the newfound relationship. It's a problem if other people don't also see things the same way, which they rarely do, because, well, I don't meet too many crazies like myself. So I have to balance my craving for attention and not wanting to come off as clingy, which is tough, but I'm rarely fortunate enough to find myself in that position anyway. Furthermore, if there isn't equal investment in the relationship by both of parties, if/when they decide they're done with me, it hurts a lot.


This is pretty much exactly what I would have said about myself.
I actually had a moment just recently where I got hurt after being too attached to someone too quickly. It's a horrible feeling...


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## AshCash

In reaction to the OP's situation I feel that the girl you seemed to have a "connection" with didn't mean much to her,it seems like she just wanted someone ANYONE to talk to and you were there and she's probably a social type of person that can relate to most people on many levels,and even if you guys had more in common than most,it still don't mean anything really.My guess is that she's found someone else that she really likes,and she's probably just a fair weathered person. I am like this to,not only do I cling to people,but I lie to myself by thinking as if I had a strong connection with a certain person,when it was nothing to them.I just think its good to develop the ability to step outside of your emotions and look at the situation realistically,and not to take it too seriously.


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## loribugb

I have this issue... it seems like every time something good happens I become jaded and used to being happy. Then shortly after things get boring again... and the depression creeps its way back into my life. I especially have this problem with "significant others". I grew up with a severely bi-polar dad... and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because that has made me who I am today. But because of that I have problems trusting people. I recently began talking to a guy who i really though was the one. We had to break up though because neither of us could take a long distance relationship. We were 120 miles away from each other and I was head over heals. Of course I was left broken. But I'm trying to look at it as a learning experience. He told me it was okay for me to trust him.... and that it was a good thing. Now I catch myself wanting to be anti-social and untrusting... but I now know life happens. I'm not going to become a emotional shut-in because of this. I'm not going to let this kill me. Because when I do find the one... I'll know it.  Good luck justin99... my heart goes out to you. And everyone else out there. Good luck and know you have people out there... even if it is the overly analytical chick on the forum


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## daydreamer90

Sorry to drag up an old thread, but reading this thread has been really interesting for me because I have this exact problem! For me it seems to be cropping up with lecturers at uni. I don't have many friends and none of them know about my SA and panic disorder, whereas my lecturers do and are highly supportive of me (even more than my parents at times), and I feel like I have this real closeness with 2 of them in particular because of it. I am very conscious that the reason I feel so strongly attached to them because of all the personal info I have shared with them so that they can help me at uni, and therefore I make an effort not to be over-friendly with them. I have been feeling like a bit of a freak because of these feelings, so it is really comforting to read that other people experience similar problems.


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## booklover26books

I feel so relieved to know know that other people are going through the same thing. It especially surprises me that guys feel this way too. I wish I had more friends and didn't obsess over mere acquaintances.


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## Schnapps

I get too attached to people also. All of my "friends" are people who I only meet up with maybe 3 times a year even though I try to see if they have a weekend free or something. I know they probably aren't worth being friends with if they don't have the time for me. I guess I can also come across as unfriendly because of my SA or disinterested, sometimes I run out of things to say with a good friend who I still respect, but feel embarrassed around because I'm boring. 

But I am also "clingy", in the few times I've been to a party I'll try and talk to one person, but I think they get creeped out by me repeatedly seeking them out for discussions. My boyfriend also gets sick of my clinginess and wants me to go out and do things by myself sometimes, which terrifies me. 

I have come to the conclusion that I do need to change something about myself to attract friends, but I don't know what. I am also hoping that I will find someone I connect with here who will understand if sometimes I have nothing to say, or too much, or if I say it the wrong way.


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## Aphexfan

Yea I go through the exact same thing! I get overly clingy towards people Ive just met, and tend to get attatched very easily....so whenever I get hurt, I get really hurt cause that person usually means alot to me and my sa makes me assume that I meant nothing to them...happens all the time really. It also keeps me from getting close to people cause I just feel like whats the point, Im just going to get burned in the end


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## Schnapps

I see this is an old thread too, but I'm new here so it's new to me. I don't know about forum ettiquette yet


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## Derossi

justin99 said:


> I understand you completely. I think I used to come off as clingy, but I've quickly changed that recently, to where I'm a bit more reserved around others. That only seems to make matters worse though, because the thoughts about what they might think of me increase tenfold. In addition to this, I come off as someone with not much of a personality, which makes it very hard to establish friendships. It's very hard to remain socially active/interesting when there's no guidelines to tell you if you're trying too hard or not enough to make an impact on someone.


This is me down to a T, i came out of a 5 year relationship about 12 month ago (mutually and quite happy we are still amazing friends (rare)
and 6 months ago got into another with a much more successful, mature older bloody stunning woman (not much older perhaps .. ive just turned 25 she's 28.. but much more mature) 
Any way, my personality litrally dissapeared, i wouldnt dare say or act in certain ways around her for fear of her judgement (which mind you.. she did readily dish out) .. any way.. i seemed to fall for this girl immediately even though we agreed to 'nothing serious' 6 months later of on and off and intense emotional moments and ice cold periods on her part and my wanting to see her every moment of every day, thinking about her constantly etc.. she finally told me she couldnt handle just 'being friends'.. she needed space to 'get over me' etc and then she would be able to be my friend properly.. (that could sound worse right?)
Naturally i have all the classic break up problems but i have high anxiety and now acute stress and im taking 80mg beater blockers .. the problem is, even though our relationship wasnt all that good, i was hugely stressed and not myself 90% of the time and really quite unhappy, i idolised her and i am utterly devistated by losing her.
I wish i could controll how much i emotionally invest in someone.. right now i feel like its just too dangerous to get into any more relationships as this happened with the one before also. (luckily got 5 years and it naturally died out.. she apparently was hugely overwhelmed by my behaviour but deeply loved me.. and im aware i took advantage of her all be it unintentionally)
If im honest.. i have abandonment issues with my mother and no real support system/ connections family wise etc... i really feel like the effection i crave and dont get from my family, coupled with my feelings of being abandonned and lonely for many years now, have lead me to take what i need from girlfriends in an unhealthy way (reverse daddy issues maybe?) i put too much stock into feeding my need for effection.. and ultimately ruin the relationship by being needy and smothering... ?

FML.


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## calichick

Derossi said:


> right now i feel like its just too dangerous to get into any more relationships as this happened with the one before also..


I feel this way too. I can get suicidal crazy psycho b*tch if someone I like isn't feeding me constant attention. I'll get so deeply depressed and cry for months (has happened before) and do things like get angry with them and try to inflict emotional pain on them.

Being single is not the worst thing ever in light of these problems. eh.. I will have a relationship with myself and be happy about it!! lol


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## ManuelVinn

The person think you have no friends but him, than he/she get scared of becoming like you.


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## gabe9

Sorry for bumping an old thread but I totally understand what everyone is going through in this thread.. 

I'm currently in a relationship and I feel very attached. My girlfriend is attached too but I'm a lot more. I also feel like its because I don't have many close friends and other options. I too have had close friends move away or become unstable to the point I can't hang around them. So I'm very dependent on my girlfriend. Its a very new feeling, before her I was someone who cheated and didnt take girls too seriously. Now I'm faithful and in deep love and I'm miserable when I'm away from my gf.


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## DeniseAfterAll

I have the exact same problems. I appreciate people too much, even if I get little in return.


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## bribri22

I have been having similar problems to everyone else here and its great to know im not the only person. But that still leaves me with my problem and i have no idea how to fix it. If anyones interested heres a bit about it. So right now i have a boyfriend who ive been with for almost 2 years now but the thing is is that he is my first boyfriend ever and i know ive become majorly attached to him. Im pretty sure its happening both because ive never had that many close friends and every friend i do have will drop me the instant another of their friends is around. Also i think it is relevant that my mom died almost 3 years ago and at the time she was the person i was closest to because of my lack of friends. Even though i realize all this i have no idea what to do about it. I basically shut down when my boyfriend isnt with me even for small amounts of time so we are together most of the time but i feel as though i am threatening both our futures by doing this because right now neither of us has a job and i go to school but hate going and being away from him. Sorry for the rant but without friends to talk to i didnt know where else to go. Thanks to anyone who reads this


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## callmebas

I also experience this condition. Because of loneliness you appreciate too much the little things someone gives you and hold them high, when for them you are just another one person in their circle and not even in the close friends. 

I have been attached to one 'friend' in school, then another uni and hiding in their shadow and not take action by myself for matters that involved me. In uni Since it was hard for me to present in classes i had been needy for someone to do the job, and although i would prefer to work a project on my own, i couldn't due to severe anxiety. As a result my 'friend' took advantage of my neediness and had me following his program , adjusting to his routine, and i even waited him 1-2 hours of being late for a meeting...

Same thing with my ex gf. She left me due to my SAD symptoms and i was so attached that she was all i had. After 5 years although i knew, i now experience the lonely life i am into. Every day is the same... But i do realise that i should stand by myself and never be attached to anyone that much. Relationships aren't that simple and you have to keep space and live your life for what you are and want to be and not to fulfill others needs and imagination.


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## AlphaHydrae

I have something similar. I moved while my two close friends stayed but I gave up on them, I'm tired of being to one trying though they always make it sound like I'm the one at fault anyhooo~ I have a few online friends so I'm oay but I do want one genuine one whom I can be with 24/7 lol.. 

I sometimes think I'm a parasite. I just need a host and I'd be fine :/""


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## Bobious

I'm having this problem. Known this girl for many years. and recently started talking again. We hang out almost every day, have had sex a couple times, and a friend of hers has told me that she told her she thinks she is falling for me. but she wants to move slow. I'm overly attached and think about her constantly. I always mess things up because of this, and really don't wanna mess this up. I posted a status about her in coded in binary and she found out what it meant and just said "for real for real??" its like i think about her and wanna tell the world about how awesome she is and can't stop myself from it..


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## Morumot

I'm definitely like this, that's why I tend to close myself off to people. I'm scared of being hurt. There is someone I have opened up to however.


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## Samblam

Same problem here, i've believe it's the main reason why i have yet to get a girlfriend.

It's rare to spend extended periods of time with people other than family and when i do i guess i just don't know how to react to the situation.


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## zachgenco

I've always had an overly attachment personality and it didn't happen to just anyone it happened to people I felt connected with...But Last April/May I started a job and I worked with two other people one was a 75 year old man and I started to get to know him and started to get attached to him he became like a father figure to me (Didn't have the best father growing up) and well in late June he retired and I was sad so I started to get to know my other co-worker (Now good friend) whose 32 years old and my feelings have grown for him alot (Not in a romantic kind of way like a brotherly friend way) I care about him alot and he knows how I feel so its not like I am hiding it form him..It's just hes married and has two foster kids and he lives an hour away form me so its hard and I don't drive so makes it harder for me to travel. I just always want to be around him now and I miss him so much when I am not. I've been told happiness comes form within but I can't find happiness in me so my friend is my happiness I am always truly happy when I am around him even when I am in a bad mood. If I could move in with him I would. He says he is my friend but he said he doesn't have time for me right now cause of his "busy" life. I am trying to understand it but I want him to understand if I was around him more I'd be a whole lot happier..Right now I am only seeing him once a week before my job ends for the winter and I really sad because I am not sure if I can see him or not...I am not sure what to do I really depresses me...I've tired to forget about him by watching my favorite movies/tv shows and doing other things but it just doesn't work..I just want to be apart of his life more and then I will be happier about life.


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## Mikeshea2016

I started crying reading this because this is my problem as well thank you thank you so much. I'm on the journey to self knowledge.


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