# I need help (depersonalization)



## VintageClothes (Mar 12, 2012)

This is my first thread, a quick background; my DP started when I was 12 and has progressively gotten worse I;ve never had anything traumatic happen to me, nor have I been abused, nor have I done any form of drugs. Around the same time my DP started, so did my SA, and T.M.J. as well as a few other "symptoms" (really cold all of the time, then lost I 40 lbs, I'd feel tired); I've had my thyroid tested already. At first I just had periods of time where I'd feel a little out of it, like I was on auto-pilot, and I'd be forgetful, not really aware fully of what was happening or what I was doing--it felt more like a dream moreso than reality. It then slowly became the new normal, more times of DP than not and now it's constant, I can't feel anything, I've tried to snap myself out of it, tried to "wake up" but nothing works; I'm barely aware of what's going on and I'm desperate I'm feeling almost suicidal. I recently missed my entire birthday, I can't remember it nearly at all, like it never happened.
Please
Does anyone know what could've caused all of this?
Has anyone else had and fixed their depersonalization/derealization?


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## rustybob (Nov 19, 2009)

Sometimes depersonalization is just one of those unexplainable things. I suffer from it, and I don't have any explainable cause just like you (although it's become increasing clear that I have Asperger's, and some of the negative effects are probably the cause of the depersonalization).

How are you anxiety levels on a day-to-day basis? I have GAD and SAD, and at best it's moderate, at worse borderline crippling. There's some evidence that, while not truly a direct cause of depersonalization, anxiety and depersonalization can go hand in hand. Although, when you think about it, what's your body's defense against severe trauma (something I'd say severe anxiety is)? Depersonalization. And then, it basically becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy. The severe anxiety can cause depersonalization, and depersonalization can cause severe anxiety.

Medication supposedly has minimal use in depersonalization, although it can help with some of the co-morbid issues that come up. I just started Valium, and it has significantly reduced my depersonalization, even at a low dose of 5mg/day, by lowering both GAD and SAD. Ritalin helps a bit during the time that it lasts, both in a slight reduction in both depersonalization and anxiety.

The one thing I've found to help a ton for depersonalization is mushrooms. I take a mild dose bi-weekly, and it lowers anxiety, it opens up my emotional range, increases motivation and focus, increases cognition, decreases negative thoughts, and just generally makes me feel alive.

Each of the three things above on their own only slightly help the depersonalization, but combined, the effect is huge. There is still certainly a degree of depersonalization, in that I still feel that I have a ways to go to fully pull myself out of this state, but it's not even close to what it used to be.

I haven't been to the point that I literally don't seem to recognize the person I see in the mirror in about two years. Even though I still knew it was me, it was an awful feeling to be that depersonalized. Once this year I had a short trip into derealization. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I knew I was in my room, and yet it didn't feel like I was in my bedroom. The thing that I think ended it so quickly was that right away I started to get a feeling that this is a place I've been to before. The interesting thing about that, it wasn't that I realized that I was in my bedroom, it was that I finally realized that _this_ is what derealization was, and it's taken me to this exact place before, so suddenly it wasn't so unreal.

Talk therapy is supposed to be the best thing for depersonalization. I can attest to the fact that it can be a very powerful tool in recovering from depersonalization. My talk therapy wasn't with a psychiatrist though, although I'm sure they can do a great job as well. My talk therapy was from someone I became friends with. It didn't happen overnight, but I had a degree of trust with this girl that I've never had with anyone before, or since. We told each other everything, and never judged each other about anything that was spoken of. There are things I told her that I've never told anyone else. Unfortunately, we don't speak anymore (she got a boyfriend, and with how close we were, we both knew that it had to be that way).

But during that time, in general, my depersonalization was massively reduced. Around her, it was non-existant. Believe me, when you're chronically depersonalized like you and I are, the times that you pull yourself out of that state are absolute bliss. You may or may not relapse, but the fact that I really, truly did hit full remission for a while, I hope that gives you hope that this is something that you can recover from. I'm not going to lie, it can be a long, frustrating journey back, but it can be done.

There is a book that I bought that has really helped me recognize the symptoms, and contains case studies that have helped in making me a believer that this is something I can overcome. It's called "The Stranger In The Mirror: Dissociation - The Hidden Epidemic". I haven't finished reading it yet, but it was only a few pages into the book, when all the things that are wrong that I could never described, were right there in front of me. The more I realized that I'm not alone in this issue, the more I seemed to feel some relief from the depersonalization.


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## hello world (Jul 9, 2012)

I have depersonalization moments too! it used to last a long time before, but now it comes and goes for some reason : S
I remember riding a bus on a school field trip, and everything just seemed like a dream...

I didn't really have a reason either..
But then again it may have started when I was bullied by my 'friend' way back when?

For myself, it got a bit better with time. 
For some reason, it seemed to get better as I (kinda) made friends! So perhaps social interaction with ppl might help?


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## VintageClothes (Mar 12, 2012)

Thanks for the replies!
(to rustybob) I've actually had _the same exact experience_ as far as the being in my room and momentarily not knowing it was my room in a way, so that was comforting to know I'm not totally out there. My anxiety levels are fair enough on a day-to-day basis, but I do tend to stress alot over some simpler things (as par one of my many other psychological issues at play). It's interesting that you mentioned you have Aspergers, as I've suspected that I may have a spectrum disorder (though I've been to afraid to ask the doctor on it, or anything really...as far as my doctor knows, I am a healthy, happy, normal girl with an avid social life and hardly drinks soda).
But thanks again for the help, I'm looking into my options and I hope that whatever has been working for you keeps on doing so (hopefully I'll follow suit...)


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## EICATSKI (Aug 6, 2012)

I've suffered from DP/DR for 25 years. It is the most horrible thing I've ever experienced. I believe that social anxiety was a contributing factor to me developing DP/DR.


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