# A female friend/crush is moving away. How should I interpret her actions?



## Zerocool1234 (Jun 6, 2014)

So I've known a woman for 5 months. We are not particularly close and rarely hang out. Whenever we did hang out, there were always other people around. But during those times, we often teased each other and had a good time, so I would consider myself different from her other friends.

A few weeks ago, I asked her out via email, not because I didn't have the guts, but because I didn't have her numbers and we hardly saw each other face to face. She said no and used the excuse "too much going on right now". So naturally as a guy, I assumed she wasn't interested. 

Few days later, I sent her a nice article to read and she replied asking how I was doing. I said I was doing very well because I assumed she was just making sure I was ok after being rejected.

Few days passed, she informed us via email that she was relocating for a new job, approx 4 hrs away. I was sad but remained composed enough to send a "goodbye" email back. She then replied and suggested me to attend a group event. Due to work, I wasn't able to, but I made it clear that I was not avoiding her and on the contrary wanted to meet her. I said I could visit her sometimes and we would hang out then. I asked for her # and got it. She also said she "better see me before she moves".

I don't know she turned me down cuz she was really busy with the move or wasn't simply interested in me. I don't want to add more pressure on her since she has enough on her plate. I don't mind the long distance relationship and driving to see her once a month. But I just need a clever way to find out if there is something more than just friendship between us without giving her an ultimatum. I'll ask her out again in a couple of weeks, but unsure if I should play it cool or try to get some closure? Thanks


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

She's most likely just being friendly.


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## SapphireMeadow (Feb 8, 2011)

If it were me, I personally use the "too much going on in my life right now" as a way to let people down easy but then it does seem that she is genuinely busy so I'm not sure if that's what she is doing... 

As for being clever, the only thing I could suggest is maybe asking using the moving thing to your advantage. Ask her how she feels about long distance relationships... you know not about the two of you but just in general. If she acts like she isn't keen on the idea you technically have your answer as she already rejected you and now you know a long distance isn't going to work  If she says she isn't sure or is okay with them, then your open to ask her out again.


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## persona non grata (Jul 13, 2011)

OP, you might not mind a long distance relationship but a lot of other people do. Even if she would normally go out with you, she may not be interested in part because of the move, and she might assume that you'll lose interest yourself after the move. 

I suggest that you just take her statements at face value. She's your friend and wants to see you. She's not in a position to date and isn't going to go out with you. 

If for you 'closure' partly means you want to know if she would have gone out with you otherwise, sorry, you're probably never going to be completely sure.


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## potterhead22 (May 20, 2014)

There are a few ways to tell if she is in to you. When she talks to you does she play with her hair, lick her lips or subtly touch you ? Typically those are signs of attraction. If you're having trouble interpreting her meaning, have someone else do it. A third party would be able to tell if she's flirting. Also, next time you see her, slowly lean in really close and whisper something in her ear. She how she reacts to you being in that intimate space. Positive signs are the hitching of breath and blushing. If she backs away, you have a fairly clear sign telling you that she is not interested. 

However, as a female I have to say it sounds like she's not interested. In my opinion, if she was interested he would've told you that she was moving after you asked her out. I use the "there's too much going on right now" line to let someone down easy. But you never know, so give it a shot.

Best of luck


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

Sounds like theres too much going on inside the head. You seem like you're assuming a lot, trying really hard to read her actions. This tends to get confusing as hell. Just ask her if you have a shot with her, POINT BLANK, and if she says no or doesnt give you a clear answer, move on ._.
Idk, I try to remember that while rejection hurts, being in that weird uncertainty hurts more.


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## FortuneAndFame (Dec 26, 2013)

I think she was being friendly, but take it as a positive that you are able to make some friends. Also make sure you are not coming across as desperate or needy, because it sounds like there is a chance you might be and that is a turn off. She's leaving town now anyway, so move on and find another girl to hang out with.


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## Payz (Apr 24, 2014)

Hmm it's hard to say, if she was interested I think she would have offered to meet some other time when you originally asked her out. Though like you said she may have been actually busy, you might as well ask her out again.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

Zerocool1234 said:


> So I've known a woman for 5 months. We are not particularly close and rarely hang out. Whenever we did hang out, there were always other people around. But during those times, we often teased each other and had a good time, so I would consider myself different from her other friends.
> 
> A few weeks ago, I asked her out via email, not because I didn't have the guts, but because I didn't have her numbers and we hardly saw each other face to face. She said no and used the excuse "too much going on right now". So naturally as a guy, I assumed she wasn't interested.
> 
> ...


Just leave it alone, man. She said no right now, so that's the answer. Some girls would say no, and then have nothing else to do with you, because of awkwardness. She went over all of that to keep contact going on with you. She still wants you in her life. If it's there, it's going to happen. Don't force it. Especially if you care that much.

You shouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket anyways. There are plenty of other women you could be talking to.


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## ChuckBrown (Jul 2, 2013)

That's sounds really confusing. Did you see her before she moved?


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