# Constant Social Rejection



## lindsayy (Feb 8, 2014)

How do you deal with constant social rejection? Even when I talk to people, they STILL don't want to be friends with me. They'd rather get away from me and make new friends the first chance they get. Literally. I don't understand it. There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I can't think of another explanation for why this ALWAYS happens. It's like, they don't like me as a person or something. It really hurts emotionally and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what I can do, I can't change the person I am.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

It was so much easier as a kid,


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## Mustafa (Aug 15, 2012)

That's how life is am afraid, people are like that. They enjoy making others feel like crap, it brightens their day.


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## bewilderedminerals (Sep 26, 2013)

I know exactly how you feel, lindsayy. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you; a lot of the time it really is just other people who are ****ty and they're not worth bothering with anyway. I promise you'll find people eventually.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

lindsayy said:


> How do you deal with constant social rejection? Even when I talk to people, they STILL don't want to be friends with me. They'd rather get away from me and make new friends the first chance they get. Literally. I don't understand it. There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I can't think of another explanation for why this ALWAYS happens. It's like, they don't like me as a person or something. It really hurts emotionally and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what I can do,* I can't change the person I am.*


You are not alone and there's really nothing wrong with you. As long as you be yourself, eventually you will find someone that will accept you.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

I changed myself for years, and it didn't make any difference.
Don't get me wrong; now that I'm completely alone, I'm still miserable.
But at least I'm free.


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## plant (Mar 28, 2014)

hey pal!!!
firstly it sounds like to me perhaps people do want to hang out w/you maybe its the anxiety that is making you think they dont?? 
dont worry about befriending or pleasing people, just focus on being kind and honest! keep trying you can do this!!!
good luck :^)


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## lonelyalways (Jun 19, 2012)

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice because I am in the exact same situation. I just wanted you to know you were not alone.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Oh, I run into the same kind of stuff. I imagine that you are awkward, and don't talk much (people feel awkward and uncomfortable themselves if they can't keep a good conversation going and/or sense that YOU are uncomfortable). You'll bump into folks though, that are nice and will talk to you etc. Don't give up.


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## AdvicePlease (Mar 23, 2014)

lindsayy said:


> How do you deal with constant social rejection? Even when I talk to people, they STILL don't want to be friends with me. They'd rather get away from me and make new friends the first chance they get. Literally. I don't understand it. There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I can't think of another explanation for why this ALWAYS happens. It's like, they don't like me as a person or something. It really hurts emotionally and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what I can do, I can't change the person I am.


 I've seen some of your posts before, so I thought I'd give this one a shot. Please understand. I'm not trying to sound like I know the answer. I'm not you so I can't possibly know exactly what you are going through. That being said I will give you some advice. My sources being first hand experience along with some second hand resources via the internet and friends. 
If you can't figure out what is "wrong" with you, then there probably isn't anything wrong. You are just approaching your goal the wrong way. I whole heartedly believe that if you want to change your situation, you should start with yourself. Understand who you are and what you like. If you are just living life, waiting for yourself to become magically confident, don't. Confidence comes through having the courage to take action. Through taking action you will gain experience, and through gaining experience you will add value to yourself. That is, value that others (potential friends) can see. The more value you can add to yourself, the more people will be interested in starting a friendship with you. 
Think about it. Strong friendships require work to maintain. So why would anyone in their right mind want to be friends with someone who doesn't have much to offer. No one is going to come along and build you up to be who you want to be. You need to take responsibility for your current circumstances and take steps in the direction you want to grow in. Every day. Even if they're small steps. Everything counts as a choice, and that goes for those of us choose to do nothing. If we do nothing we are choosing to go that route, just as if we choose to better ourselves. We will eventually get to the point where we are valuable human beings deservedly. Understanding who you are and what you like to do is key to forming a social life. Try to pursue as many interesting hobbies as possible so you can find like-minded people.

Hope this helps. Best of luck to you!:yes


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## AndreaXo (Mar 22, 2014)

I know exactly what you mean and I feel the same way a lot of the times. i currently go to community college so you can imagine that a lot of younger kids go there lol. I can't seem to relate to most of them. They still have this high school mentality where they want to act like they're "cool" or "normal" so they do things to try in fit in with everyone else. I admittedly am a little bit geeky but most of the people I know that like to refer themselves as "nerds" are actually just hipsters that act like everyone else. They only call themselves that to try and make themselves feel unique lol. I feel like I don't fit into that crowd either. I've had a lot of bad experiences with trying to keep my friends. What always happens is that they'll will get bored of me and eventually stop talking to me in favor of other people. It feels like I'm living in this sad cycle that I have no idea how to end.


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## lindsayy (Feb 8, 2014)

Thank you for all the kind words! I think it is my anxiety that makes me seem like I'm not interested in being friends and then people finally just give up in favor of people who talk more. It just really sucks when you actually do make an effort to be friends and it's going well until you get to the point where you have nothing to talk about and then it all goes downhill. They find new people and act like you were never "friends" in the first place. I think it's just the fact that I did put in the effort with this one friend but they didn't, and now this new person comes along and they're like best of friends. So it just felt to me like a personal insult or something, like they don't like me as a person. I don't know. It just makes me not even want to bother anymore.


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## thestolenlife (Apr 3, 2014)

Hey darl, it is nothing about who you are as a person. It is when we are anxious it seems that it causes a block between ourself and others. It is really strange but it is like fear disconnects us from others. I have so much sa for the last 2 years that I am avoiding most of my friends that I have had for a long time because it is so awkward around them and I just cant be myself. I used to talk to people in the shops years ago so easily and Now I am anxious I feel they dont want to talk to me. The way I think of it is that now I am very nervous and I look upset when I nervous, people may feel uneasy because they may think something is wrong. I think people find it difficult to talk to me when I look stressed because I may not look approachable. Years ago when I didnt have much sa I was more approachable because I probably come across more friendly and at ease and people could feel that warmth from me. Now that I am permanently anxious, I probably come across as icy cold lol I cant help that I have this and I have to think f....... if people cant accept me at this time of my life. Easy said than done. Take care


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## lonelyalways (Jun 19, 2012)

thestolenlife said:


> Hey darl, it is nothing about who you are as a person. It is when we are anxious it seems that it causes a block between ourself and others. It is really strange but it is like fear disconnects us from others. I have so much sa for the last 2 years that I am avoiding most of my friends that I have had for a long time because it is so awkward around them and I just cant be myself. I used to talk to people in the shops years ago so easily and Now I am anxious I feel they dont want to talk to me. The way I think of it is that now I am very nervous and I look upset when I nervous, people may feel uneasy because they may think something is wrong. I think people find it difficult to talk to me when I look stressed because I may not look approachable. Years ago when I didnt have much sa I was more approachable because I probably come across more friendly and at ease and people could feel that warmth from me. Now that I am permanently anxious, I probably come across as icy cold lol I cant help that I have this and I have to think f....... if people cant accept me at this time of my life. Easy said than done. Take care


I feel like everything you said is so accurate. Logically, I understand my anxiety makes other people feel uneasy and that is why they don't like me. However, this is also the most frustrating part of SA for me because I am drawn to people who look upset. Despite my anxiety, I muster the courage to approach people who are upset and offer assistance. Granted it is rare that the person will want to talk to me. They would rather sit and cry until someone cooler takes pity on them, but I still usually try. I would not be happy with myself if I saw someone upset and ignored them.


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## lona (Apr 3, 2014)

some times happen for me and i don't understand the reason.
i'm usually nice to people but some seems to be really selfish.they dont want me to be with them.
(not always i have good people around me too)
but what hurts is the question that consumes me 
why should some one try so hard to compete or get rid of me?


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## pens001 (Mar 19, 2014)

It is because you are now convinced that people will reject you! 

Look around you and observe those who are most successful and have a wide social circle. I did this, and what I found was that these people are all different, but they are all similar in that they are confident, and have a positive attitude. When you are comfortable with yourself and abolish the anxiety that you feel when socializing, people will stop 'rejecting' you so much, I promise. I know it is easier said than done, though, as I honestly feel the same way.


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## lona (Apr 3, 2014)

thanks pen i know its hard
actually rejection happens when after too much caring about their emotions.
maybe some people don't like to be pampered lol


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