# My accomplishment on conquering the attractive check out chick



## pushmanrev (Feb 25, 2014)

i know this is a LOOONG post, but i think it will benefit who read it, and they will show already what is needed, and thats patience.

checkout girl, hairdresser, insurance advisor, and gym partner.

if she was attractive - i was doomed.

first it was a lump in my throat, then it was sweating then it was shaking then a simple deep manly voiced "hello, how was your day?" came out as a mumbling, nervous squeal.

this was me for at least 5 years ( iam 23 now) and if this sounds like you? then dont worry, it is fixable and i did it with no psychologist, with no meds, no alcohol - just plain old practice and fail and try again.

the key is to taking the girl off her pedestal in my mind.

to me this attractive woman that i need to socialize with is now another, normal person in my world. yes she is beautiful, but so are all the other woman that i will meet, so automatically she is one of MANY, and many means everyone, and we humans all act the same fundamentally regardless of our looks, and that means she is not a fixated in my mind as ONE. She is just another person.

she is the old lady next door, she is the mom librarian, she is like every other woman out there - so that means that she has no special powers to make you not worthy of a normal conversation with her.

dont worry about flirting, just start with saying words and if their is awkward silence, then the trick is to understand that she also contributed this awkwardness, so its not just you!

the trick is to just say a normal thing that is daily and that rolls of your tongue ( pretty hard i know for a SA lol) but if you buy 5 things and you think "man! thats expensive" - just say it aswell. 2 things are happening here if you do.

1 - you actually said something, which might get a response ( does not matter if it doesn't, plenty of other girls out there)

2 - you are being yourself, which in this case might be a money saver - which in relation it might get her to say "i know!, iam a tightass aswell haha"

Now this is the basic first step that i went through. i just said what i thought and i didnt care if i impressed her or not because i knew that all my life i will be bumping into beautiful woman and slowly but surly everything i say will get more wittier and confident - you just have to start from the first step and this is the NO 1 rule that worked for me.

these tips are not for finding a gf, this is just simply "how to talk to an attractive girl"

atm my SA is rampant and destructive at work, but my dating game has improved massively only because i followed my own rules of taking her off the pedestal, she is like everyone else ( NO 1 rule) and start small, no matter HOW small its still a start for you and thats all that matters,

i promise it will get easier, just read how hard i have worked JUST to have a conversation with a woman - and thats unfortunately what life is, just hard work in any of the thousands of life situations we all go through.

now a bullet that will get alot of guys straight away will be "iam not tall, good looking, stylish, rich, confident " - and the list goes on.

i was ALL OF THESE, i was once called a pansy right in front of people by a girl i was trying to impress. Did this deter me? yes it did, and this is when i came face to face with failure as a young man.

what did i do?

i went for a jog, then i started running, then i started kick boxing then i started to research buying better cloths, then i started to observe what makes me look better as a man, what increases my desirability! - this was a process over 2 years so another rule is just patience and persistence

we all know that SA cant be cured over night, and i am still struggling to get along with very super confident males, especially at work ( iam a carpenter), i have no friends, and iam regarded as a loner. But, i have given myself a goal to find a beautiful woman, for me, to be my wife in the future, to be the mom of my kids - and thats where i think my life with actually begin and thats all thats gonna matter.

but, till that moment comes i need to fulfill my dutys as a man:
and those duties are:

To be good
To be fair
To be strong ( as yourself) 
To be confident with woman
To be Healthy and fit ( this is important)

this sounds pretty standard for a man i believe, and all are achievable

what are your duties as your own man!!

hope i helped


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Sounds like a good start. I'm old so it's probably too late for me. But I hear you in all aspects. Unfortunately being a loner never worked out for me re: women. They don't want loners, not even on this board. Females want a leader or some guy other guys follow i.e. social influence ; seemingly without it, nothing else counts no matter how good; some fake it (fake social confidence etc.) and get a gf, but eventually the girl leaves. 

The pretty women all know full too well they are desirable. I guess fooling them to think one isn't affected by them because it gives the impression one already has a lot of experience with pretty women only goes so far. There's far too many guys without SA, far too much competition. Far too many people and economic choices etc. (similar to lack of good jobs).

Anyways, thanks for the post. I wish I could solve these dilemmas myself. I know I should spend more time reading up , but how much of that stuff ever helps and how much is 98% pap by authors who just want to make a buck being writers of stuff that doesn't help.


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## pushmanrev (Feb 25, 2014)

it is true, most beautiful woman will be taken by confident and non SA guys.

but, they are in their own class of people

we are in our class.

and i know the age difference between us might make it hard, but i believe you still have the same "fail" mentality that i mentioned that alot of guys get stuck with "but i am this, and their that, and i dont do this" -so on

and good people, with good accepting personalities also come with good looks. Besides if you love a girl she is gorgeous to you anyway otherwise you wouldn't have been attracted to her.

and things work like a pin ball game. we all bounce around, hitting each other getting close, getting far and then eventually fill the right slot

i believe if you are a leader in your own life and only have yourself to lead then woman will be attracted to this, this is natural confidence and they cant help but be naturally attracted to them.

you just have to separate and accept that you have your own category of leadership and confidence and not worry about other confident guys - because they are working on their own game 

work on your own game, and it will get results - woman are receptive to that no matter how you look And unfortunately the law of attraction is cruel because we, as men tend to concentrate on looks first.

whilst woman tend to look at a personality, and guys have the ability to increase their personality. 

so yes, i do feel for woman because at the end they do get it harder in life then us guys.

I recently went to a singles night and now you wont believe how many successful, beautiful, NORMAL woman i talked to. that just wanted a guy who was genuine, NORMAL and a good provider. these woman were desperate for a man, a husband. Now it goes to show that the competition is pretty even considering beautiful woman are here, looking for a partner.

yes, they were turned off by guys that dont know what they are doing - here is the trick though, you need to un-learn what not to do , and start learning what do to and ( ironically) you un-learn by watching the guys who dont know what they are doing and watching females reactions.

be your own leader

and iam glad i helped, because iam in this aswell


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## jdrubnitz (Jan 26, 2013)

Thank you for sharing. this approach is exactly what has been leading me out of the depths of social anxiety. I have a post somewher eon here about how conquering social anxiety is like muscle growth:

*It requires persistence, adequate rest, and CONSISTINCEY. Stimulation every so often. Committment.


Thank you so much for sharing.


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