# Can't get anyone else



## boonel (Feb 14, 2007)

Has anyone on this board ever stayed in a relationship because you felt like you can't get anyone else? 

Whenever you're in a relationship, do you get "clingy" from fear that you would lose them? I've done this in the past and lost a lot of boyfriends this way. 

I want to know if there's anyone who has been (or is currently) in this situation. How did you deal with it?


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

I've never experienced it, but I know I would be damn clingy if I ever got into a relationship.


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## in_my_prison (Mar 14, 2005)

It got to the point that I really couldn't stand my gf. But I thought that I couldn't get anybody else, so I didn't dump her and got really clingy because I was afraid to lose her. Then she dumped me and said every mean hurtful thing she could think of. One of the reasons I don't ask people out is that I'm afraid I'll get desperate again.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Relationship what is that. I never experienced one, so I wouldn't know. I guess I am going to be on my own for the rest of my life. There is no one that has ever given any crap about me outside of my parents.


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## green and lonely (May 29, 2006)

When I was 16 and 17, I stayed in an abusive relationship for reasons I still haven't been able to determine...I seriously feel like I was someone completely different at the time. In any case, I know that one of the reasons I stayed was the fear that I couldn't do any better. I knew that if I left him I would be alone. Well, it turns out that I was correct in thinking I would be alone. I haven't had a boyfriend since. However, even as miserably lonely as I am now, I know that I am far better off alone than in a horrible relationship like that.


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## green and lonely (May 29, 2006)

*Re: re: Can't get anyone else*



no_name said:


> [quote="green and lonely":c6a60]When I was 16 and 17, I stayed in an abusive relationship for reasons I still haven't been able to determine...I seriously feel like I was someone completely different at the time. In any case, I know that one of the reasons I stayed was the fear that I couldn't do any better. I knew that if I left him I would be alone. Well, it turns out that I was correct in thinking I would be alone. I haven't had a boyfriend since. However, even as miserably lonely as I am now, I know that I am far better off alone than in a horrible relationship like that.


 :hug My sister, 18 years old, is in a very similar position. How many years did you stay with him? She's known him for over 4 years now. [/quote:c6a60]

Only a year and a half. I can't imagine going through that for four years. I really feel for your sister.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I stayed in my past online relationships for that reason. And I'm always clingy and it always seems to drive guys away  Aww well, the right guy for me will love my clingyness.


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## workman (Mar 5, 2004)

Nope, gotta go looking for someone else. You may end up alone, but I don't think you can stay in a relationship with someone you don't really care about. If you do stay in the relationship, you'll never know if you could have found someone that you really did care about.


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

*Re: re: Can't get anyone else*

No, I've never done that. I'm not someone that needs to be in a relationship. Whenever I do want one with someone, its cause I truely like _that_ person. Otherwise I'd rather be alone. I know I could find someone if I put forth the effort, but if they're not really what I'm looking for, why?



copper said:


> Relationship what is that. I never experienced one, so I wouldn't know. I guess I am going to be on my own for the rest of my life. There is no one that has ever given any crap about me outside of my parents.


I give a crap about ya, Copper :yes.
But I don't swing that way bro, sorry :b


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: Can't get anyone else*



Scrub Ducky said:


> No, I've never done that. I'm not someone that needs to be in a relationship. Whenever I do want one with someone, its cause I truely like _that_ person. Otherwise I'd rather be alone. I know I could find someone if I put forth the effort, but if they're not really what I'm looking for, why?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 :lol

Thanks Duckie. My anxiety and depression are shooting through the roof since spring came. I feel better in the winter and feel worse in the spring and summer. I guess its from seeing everyone walking outside with other people that gets me down. In the winter most people hold up in their houses.


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## Mngirl (Jul 13, 2006)

YES I have done this a few times actually, I stayed with a guy for THREE YEARS because of this. I did like the guy- this was quite recent that I actually broke things off-but I was also trying to deal with so much with myself like my anxiety, self esteem, etc that I probably didnt show very much interest in him. I actually used alcohol to cope with my anxiety a lot (im in college so binge drinking appears normal rather than alcoholism) but I know that the relationship wasnt healthy because when I would drink I would say stupid things like being paranoid that he cheated on me and other stuff (he eventually did cheat on me though, so I guess it wasnt that stupid)! Anyways, it was a long complicated uhealthy relationship and not until just recently when I found out that he cheated on me was I able to call it quits for good.

I kept waiting until I "get better" with this whole thing so I could feel safe enough to be single again and I hate to say it but if I didnt find out he was cheating on me I might have still been w/him now so maybe its a good thing I found out. 

You dont need a boyfriend to be happy and its also not fair to the other person if you are only with them because its safe or you dont think you can do any better. How would you feel if you were that person and you found that out?? You should just work on your SA first and practice being yourself, there is always going to be SOMEONE that will like you, that goes for romantically and friendships. Hope it helps, and by the way I need to be taking my own advice!


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

I know the feeling because when I do feel lonely and depressed I would usually want to go back to my ex when in reality I know I wouldn't after what he's done to me. Then again it is better to stay single than be in a relationship with someone that didn't work out. Sometimes it just makes you wonder especially when you're depressed.


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## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

boonel said:


> I want to know if there's anyone who has been (or is currently) in this situation. How did you deal with it?


Oh gawd, if I had a nickel for every time... :roll :fall

Yeah, I've had several, one abusive both mentally and physically that I stuck with, knowing that it wasn't good for me because I just didn't want to be alone.

How I dealt with it? Eventually, I left every single one because I couldn't deal with feeling crappy about being with someone that I didn't really care about. Yeah, it was hard but in the long run, I was much better off. It didn't really have to do with knowing that I could do better, just that I couldn't deal with the situation(s) as they stood :stu


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