# forcing myself to get my social life moving.



## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

I have a job interview this friday which would be a much needed career improvement if I get it. I'm also trying to learn and grow from some rejection I just went through with a girl I liked and be more pro active about dating.

I've been talking to a few girls online and I have one date setup for friday after my interview and working on another date later in the week with another girl.

I've met people on dating sites before, but whenever it came down to trying to setup a date I always chickened out basically. this time I'm trying to go through with it and just push through the anxiety.

we'll see how it goes.


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## brunteca (Jan 17, 2013)

What was the trigger to get things going?


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

brazteca said:


> What was the trigger to get things going?


well,the job thing I have been working on for a while off and on and happened to come across an opening at a company I interned at when I finished school so I'm hoping my chances are pretty good.

as far as dating its because things didn't work out with another girl yet again. and part of the reason she told me is because I'm too reserved. not expressive enough. So I was just thinking about that and other past relationships/attempts at relationships, advice from friends etc. I've known for a while as I'm sure a lot of you feel the same that the lack of success is partly because of a lack of effort/fear to try and fail.

but I'm really sick of being where I'm at. I save myself from rejection by not trying too often, but I deny myself a chance at success too.

plans are not set in stone yet, and I haven't actually gone through with anything yet, but at this point I'm still determined to try.


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## Cake (Jan 9, 2008)

that's awesome. make sure you let us know how the interview goes on friday


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

I will be sure to do so.. tomorrow is the big day. interviewing and taking a test all day and then a first date with a stranger right after.. Oh and a first date with the second girl has been arranged for next tuesday!

I actually don't feel nervous at all. just excited. we'll see how long that holds out


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

So just a quick update. the interview/test went pretty well. I knew what to expect from the test because of my internship and wasn't really nervous and as soon as the guy started looking at my results he was asking if I'd be interested in the job, what I would do about the commute "I currently live about 2hrs away.." etc. he wants to hire me, but said to not quit my other job just yet. he has to talk to his manager and I'm suppose to call him on monday, but its looking pretty good.

and then there was the date. it actually went ok all things considered. We didn't really have a lot in common, and I didn't feel any chemistry between us. it was kind of like chatting with some stranger on the bus or something, but we got a long ok. I had a hard time thinking of things to say once or twice, but luckily she was talkative so it didn't last.

next up is a date with a girl on tuesday. we're gonna hang out around the city. I actually have high hopes for this one. on paper we look like a great match. same career field, hobbies etc. but she said she's fresh out of a relationship and looking for friends so I have to keep things in perspective.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

Wow good for you. You're doing things I'm trying to push myself to do, it's inspiring to see. Well done with the job interview it sounds like you nailed it. And sounds like you handled the date well even if the chemistry was off. Good luck on Tuesday!


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

UPDATE!:

Date with second girl went very well! much better than I had expected. We met up in the center of downtown and went to starbucks to talk. I was a little surprised because she tried to pay for my drink, but I quickly told her its ok I would buy my own. 

So we sat down and since we both have animation degrees are and in a similar line of work I had suggested we bring sketchbooks so we looked at each others drawings while talking about work, school experiences etc. conversation flowed quite nicely. after we finished our drinks we went to our next stop which was a curiosity shop down by the water and looked at some of the odd souvenirs and whatnot. conversation was a little slow in the shop but there was a lot of stuff to look at and point out so it didn't seem so awkward.

After that I suggested food and she picked an Ivars that was close by. it actually ended up being a fancy looking restaurant for something normally thought of as just another family food joint, and we both joked about it a couple times during the meal. Our conversation here was a bit more personal. we talked about family, growing up etc.

There was one awkward silence when she was starting to talk about other people she had met online besides me and mid sentence she got self conscious about something and said "I'm just gonna stop talking now.." I didn't feel like she had said or was about to say anything awkward so I was kind of caught off guard, but after a 10 seconds or so I thought of something to pick up the conversation again and all was good.

After dinner I figured that would be the end of the date, but when we got outside she asked "do you need to head out or would you like to do something else" I said sure, and she suggested coffee and some more talking. which we did and ended up talking for another 2 hours, until finally I suggested we call it a night as I had a long commute and we had been together all day.

all in all we hung out for about 5 hours! way longer than I had planned, but for the most part everything went real smoothly.

when we parted ways I gave her a hug and said we should do it again, but I chickened out on trying to kiss her.. I told a friend about it afterwards and how long we had been together and he said I was an idiot and should have kissed her. but ah well. he said I should call her tomorrow and try to set up a second date and to make sure I kiss her next time lol.

We got a long real well, she was all smiles and a good amount of eye contact the whole time, but I'm still hesitant about trying to make a move since her profile had said she was only looking for friends.


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## DamnExtr0verts (Jan 9, 2013)

im happy for you man
love is in the air


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I have been making the move to be more social, too.
Hang in there, and be patient!!!!!


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

You are makings huge strides man! Good job and keep it up! The date sounded amazing!


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

thanks for the encouragement guys. I did end up calling her the next day. She had started coming down with a cold so we didn't talk long, but I asked if she wanted to hang out again. She said yes and we made plans to go to the zoo the weekend after next and then she said she was glad we were meeting again.

Since its a ways away I've been trying to keep some light contact every other day via text or im. 

I think when we go to the zoo unless I get signals to the contrary I might try to push the romance a bit more and see how she reacts. like a bit more touching, maybe some light flirting. we'll see..

oh and I think I forgot to mention previously I did get the job I interviewed for and actually start the week after our 2nd date.

we'll see how it holds up but so far 2013 is looking to be a good year for me.


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## reaal (Jul 15, 2011)

andytenshi said:


> thanks for the encouragement guys. I did end up calling her the next day. She had started coming down with a cold so we didn't talk long, but I asked if she wanted to hang out again. She said yes and we made plans to go to the zoo the weekend after next and then she said she was glad we were meeting again.
> 
> Since its a ways away I've been trying to keep some light contact every other day via text or im.
> 
> ...


things are looking great, keep up the positive attitude!

i wish i could have half the amount of courage you have right now


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## socialanxietyfix (Nov 30, 2012)

Andy, this thread rocks! It has all the makings of a shy guy gets girl romantic comedy 
Good on you for making moves and facing your fear head on.

Rejection builds character and integrity. Succeeding past rejection builds a life of triumph. You're a hero dude - seriously. Congratulations on your powerful strides towards complete social confidence.


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## Coastal (Aug 5, 2012)

Forcing yourself to get your social life moving???

You are killin' it dude! Keep up the good work man, you seem to be in a good place.


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

well, its not all sunshine and rainbows. I've been talking to the girl and its looking like it wont be more than a friendship. She has said she's just looking for friends right now. She's just out of a 4 year relationship (it hasn't even been a month) and said the idea of an actual date freaks her out still. Furthermore the several attempts I've made to flirt or compliment her have all been completely ignored..

It's a shame because otherwise we get along great..
one more week til our zoo trip


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## andytenshi (Jan 21, 2012)

UPDATE:
just got back from second date with girl. I think it went alright. not as well as I would have liked and maybe not as well as the first date but definitely not bad.

It was kind of a rocky start because we were to meet at the entrance. I got there early and bought our tickets, even though during one of our IM conversations she had talked about here extreme aversion to guys paying for everything.

So when she showed up we said hi, hugged and I have a quick peck on the cheek and she unhappily said that I didn't need to buy her ticket, but I told her that I thought it would have been quicker, and if she wanted she could pay for lunch and she said ok, that's fair.

She then apologized that she had been out with friends the previous night, had a bit too much to drink and stayed up til about 3 so she was quite tired. I told her I too didn't get much sleep and she joked "oh why was that, were you just that excited to see me again?" I laughed and said yes, I think that was it.

after we got coffee and both woke up we made our way around the zoo. drew a bunch of animals, had some ok conversation (though maybe a few more silences than before)

The one big down point of the date, was during one of our conversations about work, she said how it sucked that she was finally starting to make friends up here, but is pretty sure that she's gonna end up moving back to California for a better work opportunity within the year.

I didn't really let it show, but hearing this really took the wind out of my sails. Now I'm wondering if I should even try to pursue something more if she's just gonna end up leaving. Do I set myself up for possible disappointment later or just get the most out of the time we have now.

at the end of the date we had to part ways kinda quick cause it had started raining pretty bad. we hugged again and I asked if she'd like to get together again. she said yes, but would probably be busy until march so she would message me when she could take a better look at her schedule..

ALSO: new job starts this Monday


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