# Selective Mutism



## cclivesinherhead (Dec 14, 2008)

I watched a video about social anxiety disorder, and they mentioned (briefly) something called Selective Mutism. 

They said it's mostly seen in children. At a young age, some kids won't say ANYTHING to people outside of their family. Nothing. 

The people in the video were saying that it's an early indicator of SA because some people don't develop SA until adolesence, while some have it all their lives, so Selective Mutism is a way to know early on if SA will be a problem.

I didn't know there was such a thing. I actually just realized that I even have SA, but I had Selective Mutism when I was little. My parents told me that from the time I was 3 til around 5, I wouldn't talk to anyone (I remember being that way). My sister had to talk to others for me. I'd tell her what to say, & she'd speak for me.

But they also said that they took me to the doctor when I was 3 or 4 because of it, and the doctors thought I might have some sort of mental disorder, that I might be mentally challenged. So they gave me tests. But it turned out, I was extremely intelligent  lol I scored MUCH higher than most. So they ignored it.

It's just a little upsetting that doctors didn't know about this back then, because they could have treated me at an early age, and I may not have this problem now.

So, just curious if anyone had selective mutism when they were younger? Similar stories?


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## Whimsical Thought (Dec 13, 2008)

I did talk when I was a young child to people outside of my family, but not very much. I got held back in Kindergarten because apparently I wasn't "mature" enough, but I'm starting to think it was because I rarely talked.


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## beautibelle (Dec 13, 2008)

I had SM since I started kindergarten right up till my 3rd year of university. I had only a year left in my undergrad and there was no way I could get a job because I couldn't speak outside my family. A big problem in the treatment of SM comes from guidelines written prior to 1990 that told professionals that it's a conditon that can be outgrown. It wasn't until the late 1990's to 2000 that it was linked to social phobia. SM was linked more closely to personality disorders and learning disabilities before. So there are a lot of professionals out there that give unhelpful and even harmful advise.


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## Jinnix (Jul 6, 2006)

You know what I'm scared my half sister got the same genes that cause my social anxiety, if there's a genetic factor at all. My half sister screams and is terrified of anyone other than my dad or her mom, and if someone comes in who she doesn't know she runs and hides.


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## cclivesinherhead (Dec 14, 2008)

beautibelle said:


> It wasn't until the late 1990's to 2000 that it was linked to social phobia. SM was linked more closely to personality disorders and learning disabilities before. So there are a lot of professionals out there that give unhelpful and even harmful advise.


Ya. I hope more professionals are taking it seriously and looking out for it. 
I would think that after they found out I didn't have any learning or mental disabilities, they would have at least suggested my parents take me to a class or something. One of my old friends said she went to a "shyness class" when she was little. Why wouldn't they have told me to do something like that?
Anyways, I guess I shouldn't dwell on the past...

While I outgrew my SM, I've still been very shy. I think sometimes, in a way, I still have SM. But that probably wouldn't really be the right way to describe me anymore.


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## Derekgnr (Nov 9, 2003)

I had SM. And still do I guess. I went through school without talking in class. I barely talk to anyone now, even my family.


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

I had this as a child. I wouldn't say a single word when I was in school until I'd been there for about a year. I guess I have returned to being somewhat like that now, I can go almost a whole week without saying anything now that I live at uni and am not around my family


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## lemmur (Dec 12, 2008)

I had selective mutism for at least a year when I started school. My mom didn't do anything about it though.. 
I remember not talking to her at one point, but my grandmother instead. (she wasn't mean or anything, my mom)
A random memory of it is we were playing some game in school with numbers and the teacher asked a question and I knew the answer. It happened to be zero so I made an "O" with my hand and the teacher said I couldn't play unless I talked and I remember sitting there crying while everyone else was playing.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I think I had this ever since I was little. I used to be scared of talking to anyone outside of my immediate family members. I remember in the younger grades my mom getting called in to talk to a teacher because people were concerned why I never talked in class and rarely socialized with other children. I still have this cos I'm usually silent, though I talk to people if I really have to. I still get people asking me why I'm so quiet but I think I definitely got better about it over the years. But yeah, no one ever took this seriously, just thought it was extreme shyness and my mom insisted that I'd "grow out of it." I actually didn't know thay had a name for it and that it is actually a condition 'till like a few weeks ago. I just always thought I was weird.


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## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

I'm 100% sure I have SM. I just can't talk around certain people, which is basically everyone. I just won't talk. It literally feels like my mouth is sewed shut. A while back I was forced into a "conversation" with someone, and I couldn't get any words out at all. I only managed to nod my head "yes" a couple of times, and that was it.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Not in the least. I was crazily outgoing and chatty as a child. Didn't last long though.


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## Meli24R (Dec 9, 2008)

I had this as a child. When I was around 4 I wouldn't talk to anyone but my mother..not even my own father or grandparents. This went on for about a year. I don't really remember how I came out of it around family members. When I started elementary school I would only talk to my teachers if they asked me questions, but I never spoke to other children. Eventually I began talking to other students in junior high and high school, but I've always been quiet because of my sa. I can only really be talkative around family members and one friend.


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## snowfly (Dec 14, 2008)

Damn.. my 10 year old brother doesn't talk to -anyone- outside of the family and if someone talks to him he looks pissed off and ignores them while my mom has to answer for him. I hope he doesn't turn out like me.


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## TheGecko (Nov 26, 2007)

Mc Borg said:


> I'm 100% sure I have SM. I just can't talk around certain people, which is basically everyone. I just won't talk. It literally feels like my mouth is sewed shut. A while back I was forced into a "conversation" with someone, and I couldn't get any words out at all. I only managed to nod my head "yes" a couple of times, and that was it.


It's such a horrible feeling  I got like that with my new psych, I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't even talk to him :no


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## yakubu (Nov 4, 2008)

cclivesinherhead said:


> I watched a video about social anxiety disorder, and they mentioned (briefly) something called Selective Mutism.
> 
> They said it's mostly seen in children. At a young age, some kids won't say ANYTHING to people outside of their family. Nothing.
> 
> ...


i dont see how a person can tell if theyve got selective mutism or not. selective mutism is were you just stop talking completely when in certain situations or around certain people. but thats a big part of sa too. if youve got sa then more than likely when you are around unfamiliar people or authority figures etc.... you will go on mute. so it can just be your SA. how can you tell if its selective mutism


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## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

one of my sibs did when he was little, i think it lasted less than a year, he doesn't seem to have any trouble now thank God. but i didn't, i was just quiet and i ended up with sa so ... idk.

oops, i forgot about this, my new therapist asked me if i had any relatives with mental disorders and i said no. would this count? he wasn't diagnosed, my mother just read up on it and found out the techniques to use. whatever, she doesn't have to know about this.


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## Bandy (Jan 23, 2009)

I had this or something very similar from pre-Kindergarten to about 8th grade.

Had my share of students ask me throughout those years if I was capable of talking, or if that got ignored, they'd follow me around asking inane questions just in hopes I'd say something at all.

Only people I really talked to during this period was my immediate family, if teachers asked questions and I just couldn't nod or shrug to them, and the friend I had during that period.

By the time I was in my Senior year of High School I was quiet, but certainly not mute by that point. Took it upon myself to talk and elaborate more in conversations, but they were still rather short lived even then.


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## Halcyon Daze (Dec 22, 2008)

xMagicWorks said:


> I had Selective Mustism when I was little. All through elementary school (7 years), I didn't say a single word. I had two best friends in my class, and I didn't even speak to them when at school. At home I would speak to my parents and sister, my grandparents, the other neighbourhood kids I'd known since I was/they were born and my two best friends, but noone else.


That sounds similar to me. I never spoke in school from kindergarten to eighth grade and then all through high school. When I was younger I was okay w/ a few neighborhood kids and had one best friend in school who I would never speak to unless we were out of school.


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## nobodyuknow (Aug 31, 2008)

I think I had this when I was a kid. In elementary school I didn't talk all day. I used to get "sick" quite often and I would stay home from school and watch sesame street and talk shows. The only time I talked was to maybe one or two friends at recess, and after school. I used to get home and I would have all this pent up energy. I used to get teased about how quiet I was. A friend of my friend's older brother used to be a real jerk. He would always come up to me (right in my face) and say, "Hi, [My name], can you taaaaaaalk?" Of course I can talk you @#$%er... is what I always wanted to say to people like him.

Recently, I saw this guy I went to school with that I hadn't seen since I was fourteen, and he said that I was the only person who was shyer than he was, which was kind of cool because I never really thought about it, if anything that was what I liked about him. Which is kind of funny, because that is what I have always hated the most about myself. :stu


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## PsyKat (Sep 25, 2007)

I had it when I was little. Didn't change around to anxiety until halfway through elementary school, don't remember when exactly. Honestly, I don't know if I'd rather be mute or have anxiety right now. At least with the former there were no physical symptoms. :/


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

This is interesting, I've witnessed this before with some children but I didn't think much of it, I just assumed they were shy. My personal experience has been the opposite of this though, I was very energetic & outgoing as kid. From junior high on I've become much quieter as this is when my SA started to develop. Carrying conversation is far from my strong point now, I can listen for hours though.


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## Georgina 22 (Jan 4, 2009)

I wasn't diagnosed with SM but when i read about it, the symptoms are what i was like at school etc. I barely talked in class or generally school. I only talked when i was asked a question but i would not answer the question in like a sentence just Yes or No. 
When i got home. I used to be a right chatterbox. 

I still do have it, or ok it's anxiety now. If I am out with my mum and she sees someone she knows ans stops to talk. I will not join in the conversation, just smile and only talked when asked a question. I have it when i am with my family, not the one that i live with, but family i rarely see. I will sometimes only talk if asked a question.


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## jim695 (Jan 19, 2009)

Oh my God yes!
When I was a child, I almost NEVER spoke to anyone. Even my parents. I literally almost never opened my mouth. I was petrified and terrified of people.

It has nothing to do with intelligence or having a severe mental aberration as retardation or autism. I ended up as an honor student for a good while and a chemistry major at a large university.

I had to endure such comments as: " is he a mute?", " " doesn't he ever talk?", " Jim is out of touch", and so on many times said right to my face. People would think I was mentally retarded, deaf, a mute unable to talk, schizophrenic; you name it, until they saw how good my grades were.

It took me years to get to the point where I could actually talk to people. It was a hellish road.


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## Globe_Trekker (Jan 29, 2009)

I hardly spoke a word as a child. The other kids at school either just ignored me or they would ridicule me. It was horrible! I remember during breaks, I would stay in class while all the other kids went out and played. No one really cared, not even the teachers. For 6 years I did that. 

In high school it got a bit better, and I started opening up, going out more, making friends etc. 

Since beginning university though, I have become very isolated and lost contact with most of my old friends. %&/ SA! :twisted


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## milo001 (Nov 26, 2008)

i know about sm since last year.i thought i just shy for all my life but no i have sm forever.and after that i develop SA when i started talking to my classmates when i was in secondary school.:no


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## Orcaholic2001 (May 31, 2007)

I had that growing up i didnt talk to no one in school or on school grounds for years and years... i still have it at times... it sucks


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I think i still have a residual of sm because when Im expected to talk I dont only with certain people I feel safe with.


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## Tasha (Feb 10, 2004)

I was a complete mute in the first grade and failed the grade because of it. I was put in special classes and my hearing tested. It just made me feel stupider than I already felt about myself as I didn't understand why I was the way I was. I rarely if ever spoke as I grew up, if I ever did say anything, there would be utter shock from everyone that I actually had the ability to speak which just made me withdraw into my shell again.


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## naomi (Oct 30, 2005)

I definately had sm until I was a young adult. I don't believe I have it anymore because now it's just part anxiety, part habit, and part lack of communication skills. I'm getting better though. Working with children helps a lot.


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## imt (Sep 22, 2008)

I think I have this.


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

Check this out:

I was just like the girl you see in this video (in kindergarden):






Despite this, I did very well in school. My teacher didn't grade me based on what I said (or didn't say actually) in class. Students thought I was incapable of speaking. I wanted to prove them wrong but I couldn't get myself to verbally respond to them. I gradually improved in first grade and up. However, my SA kicked in during adolescence.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

http://www.webmd.com/video/too-scared-social-anxiety-disorder


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## livinginfear (Jan 31, 2009)

I had selective mutism as a child as well -- of course I didn't know it nor did my parents, it just seemed to go along with being painfully shy.


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> http://www.webmd.com/video/too-scared-social-anxiety-disorder


That's interesting that the girl was able to socialize so well (apparently) after taking meds (in addition to CBT). I still refuse to take meds though.


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## John19 (Mar 14, 2009)

I had this from elementary school all the way up through high school. I would never say anything at school unless I really had to but at home and around my family, I would talk normally. After I started college, this switched over to anxiety and I can talk to people a little now.


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## jaysshadows (Apr 13, 2009)

I had this until I was probably in about third grade. I would only talk to immediate family and a few close family friends if they came around enough. Then when I went into school I refused to speak in class and only one on one with teacher or another student and even then sometimes I wouldn't. At family gatherings I tended to whisper to my mother or big sister and have them tell others what I wanted or said. I even got in trouble in school for not answering questions, etc. I'm not sure how I ever found my voice, but even when I did, I had this odd, weird false voice at school and didn't manage to get 'my' voice back until about sixth grade.


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## ChrissyQ (Apr 15, 2009)

I think i have Selective Mutism. If i'm around someone who I don't know very well & haven't talked to much before if i'm not sure they would like me I don't say a word! If I'm sure of being liked i talk alot more


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## princesseli (Jul 5, 2009)

I used to have selective mutism for like 9 years and I seriously wonder to this day how my life would have been without it. I finally started talking when I was 17, It took a lot of hard work to not have a problem with saying something.


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## vak3 (Jun 25, 2009)

I had it in kindergarden and first grade. I would only speak to my family. I got through school fine, I think the teachers understood and they knew I was smart, I just didn't talk. I could read and write and all that. I would whisper in a girl classmate's ear and she would answer for me. I went to counseling twice a week, and we did things like sing in the girls locker room behind closed stall doors (no one used it for sports, it was always locked) and make paper airplanes in the gym. But in order to play, I would have to ask the gym teacher, do stuff like that. 

I actually remember the first time I spoke aloud in school- I said the alphabet with my first grade teacher while we were all sitting in a circle. It was an easy thing that I knew by heart and I had her holding me, her arm around my shoulder, and I was able to do it.


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## blank_mind (Feb 14, 2007)

I suffered from selective mutism for my entire school life, from when I first started school up until when I left at the age of 16. I was never diagnosed as having it, even though my family/teachers knew there was something wrong with me. In school, as I got older I became more afraid to talk to people, as I was scared of having all the inevitable attention on me if I suddenly started talking after years of being silent. It wasn’t until when I started college that I began to force some changes in my life, though it was certainly not easy (probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done ). I spent my 2 years of college mostly alone, though I did manage to start talking to people in small amounts, which helped me gradually build up some confidence in my social skills. I also discovered about SM and found other sufferers online around this time, which helped me a lot. 

I then started university, which has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I jumped in at the deep end at uni, by moving into my own flat and doing as many social things as I could possibly do in the first few weeks. It paid off greatly, and I started to make friends, and over the last 2 years my SM has almost completely faded.  However, I am still very quiet around people until I get to know them better, and I’ve never been able to get a job/girlfriend due to my anxieties. I feel pretty optimistic though, and feel like I’m making improvements on overcoming my SM/SA every day.


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## Arachne (Jun 25, 2009)

cclivesinherhead said:


> But they also said that they took me to the doctor when I was 3 or 4 because of it, and the doctors thought I might have some sort of mental disorder, that I might be mentally challenged. So they gave me tests. But it turned out, I was extremely intelligent  lol I scored MUCH higher than most. So they ignored it.


Funny story.
I couldn't talk until I was 3 years old. I could only say the whole alphabet, and identify every letter. But I couldn't say a word.
My pre-school teacher told my mother was mentally challenged and I could have some developing disorder, because I would always be looking at everything except to whom was talking to me. My mom never took me to a psychiatrist because she thought I was fine.
I wish I could show those pre-school teachers my marks now. Heheh 

Sorry, no help. :um


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