# My therapist asked me if I masturbate



## tayzipporah

:um is that legal?


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## pbanco

tayzipporah said:


> :um is that legal?


I don't know, but I'm guessing you didn't like the question.
Right?


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## tayzipporah

pbanco said:


> I don't know, but I'm guessing you didn't like the question.
> Right?


Correct. It freaked me out. :sus


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## sansd

This didn't seem so weird until I saw that you were under 18. Now I'm not sure how weird it is.


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## Samtrix

I have no idea if it's legal or not, but it does seem suspiscious. Maybe this will help? http://website.lineone.net/~vex/How Therapists Abuse.htm


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## tayzipporah

cypher said:


> You should provide the context in which the therapist asked you the question.


I was just talking about how I was lonely and wanted a boyfriend, and it was like BAM!


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## catcharay

Is your therapist male? That does seem overly personal to me. If it makes you very uncomfortable you should definitely express this to them and ask them why the question was asked. Clarification may help you to judge the intentions behind the question.


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## kast

I don't think it's illegal, but the fact that you're a minor makes it questionable, and that the question came out of nowhere. Even if it's legal, it _is_ unprofessional (in the context) and you have a right to object to talking about anything you don't want to talk about, or to call them on it when you feel they're being inappropriate.

I would only expect a question like that from a therapist if I were already voluntarily discussing my sex life, and I'm an adult. A therapist asking a minor about their sex life or masturbation is a suspicious response to a simple "I'm lonely".


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## forex

lol


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## DesertStar91

When I was 17, some therapist kept asking me questions about sex and he was a guy. I thought that was kind of creepy, but no. I have no idea. It might be.


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## GrindGirl

kast said:


> I don't think it's illegal, but the fact that you're a minor makes it questionable, and that the question came out of nowhere. Even if it's legal, it _is_ unprofessional (in the context) and you have a right to object to talking about anything you don't want to talk about, or to call them on it when you feel they're being inappropriate.
> 
> I would only expect a question like that from a therapist if I were already voluntarily discussing my sex life, and I'm an adult. A therapist asking a minor about their sex life or masturbation is a suspicious response to a simple "I'm lonely".


:ditto


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## changeme77

tayzipporah said:


> and it was like BAM!


are you talking about popping the question or.... ? :um


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## Brasilia

What did you say?


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## noscreenname

I would start looking for a new therapist.


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## AngelClare

Wow, I'm surprised by the responses here. He's a therapist. It's his job to ask personal questions like that. We're not in the 16th century anymore. 

Now if your dentist asked you the same question that would be different.


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## Craig788

well either way... its to get into your head and try help you, i wouldnt worry about what questions you get asked, just be open and honest, the more open and honest you are, the more they can help, i dont shy away from any questions.... no matter how uncomfortable they are, they ALWAYS end up revealing something about myself and often lead to a place where i can better myself and understand myself more

also, everything is confidential anyway

as for the underage thing, lets be honest people younger than 17 are having sex, no doubt about it... so a question like that is appropriate for this day and age...in my opinion anyway


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## Fenren

It's things like this that put me off trying therapy again, so nosey and full of clueless unhelpful ideas also.


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## noscreenname

AngelClare said:


> Wow, I'm surprised by the responses here. He's a therapist. It's his job to ask personal questions like that. We're not in the 16th century anymore.
> 
> Now if your dentist asked you the same question that would be different.


What would a therapist learn from the fact that you masturbate? If it did go down like she says it did it is extremely suspect that a male therapist asked an underage girl this.


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## kast

Craig788 said:


> well either way... its to get into your head and try help you, i wouldnt worry about what questions you get asked, just be open and honest, the more open and honest you are, the more they can help, i dont shy away from any questions.... no matter how uncomfortable they are, they ALWAYS end up revealing something about myself and often lead to a place where i can better myself and understand myself more
> 
> also, everything is confidential anyway
> 
> as for the underage thing, lets be honest people younger than 17 are having sex, no doubt about it... so a question like that is appropriate for this day and age...in my opinion anyway


A teenager saying she's lonely and wants a boyfriend is much more likely to mean "I want emotional connection / a friend / romance" rather than "I'm frustrated and mostly want sexual gratification". So the masturbation question seems only vaguely relevant in the context. It's a healthy habit for a lot of reasons, but I don't think it has anything to do with how lonely someone feels. I'd think it would be safe to assume that many teenagers masturbate, and the ones who don't might be creeped out by a therapist telling them to do it.


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## UltraShy

noscreenname said:


> If it did go down like she says it did it is extremely suspect that a male therapist asked an underage girl this.


So the exact same question in the exact same circumstances just changing it to a female therapist would make it entirely different?

This implies that a male therapist is getting off on such questions, which assumes the therapist is both straight & a pervert. He could be gay (the gay community claims 10% are) and thus find the issue of female sex totally uninteresting. Seems a therapist who happens to be a lesbian or bi female could get off on such questions as well, though it's regularly assumed the only men are pervs while women are pure and would never ask inappropriate questions. That's obviously a sexist assumption.


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## Towers

Your sexuality greatly influences your mental state and psychology, so it might have been relevant. Either way, he's a professional on the same level as a doctor, and you could have easily told him you were uncomfortable with the question or jokingly said "no comment". He would have understood completely.


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## JustSmileZee

Maybe he just wanted to know, if you had some form of relieving stress, what did he ask or did you 2 talk about before he asked?


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## Twelve Keyz

maybe this is why they call them "the*rapists*"

but seriously, it depends on the context. If you weren't discussing anything sexual to begin with then yeah it's kinda weird. I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet though. How did you answer him anyway?



catcharay said:


> If it makes you very uncomfortable you should definitely express this to them and ask them why the question was asked. Clarification may help you to judge the intentions behind the question.


^


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## patientx

If i were you I'd switch therapists.

It seems rather insensitive and very careless for a male therapist to ask an underage girl who was in a room alone with him such a sexually charged question.

It also makes me question his real motives.

If it was a male female therapist asking the same question, then it would be different (unless she likes girls).


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## moments

To be frank, most intake forms include a section on sexual history and functioning. If you're uncomfortable with the question you're free to express that and ask him to move on. 

Perhaps the therapist does a thorough intake which, unfortunately, many therapists don't bother with.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Well that setlles it. I'm never trying therapy.


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## Secretaz

Mine suggested me to masturbate because she thinks ive never touched myself... lol

And yes it is legal, its awkward to talk about but important to do.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity

I think depending solely on the context of the situation is the deciding factor as to whether it is morally inapt or contrariwise an acceptable question to ask provided the specific circumstances.

If the person you speak to is male and the discussion doesn't naturally pertain to or necessitate coverage of the topic, then it may be deemed ethically wayward and I would be pondering if the questions asked were ostensibly influenced or not.

On the other hand should the question have been asked by a female therapist such as in Secretaz' case, then my tendencies to become suspicious on the matter may be less likely.

Either way you can simply enquire on the motives involved with your psych/ therapist, in which case they have a professional duty to oblige to any questions asked.

With regards to the actual legislation encompassing doctor/ patient discretion in your situation, I am of the impression that such intricacies are not as clearly defined. I wouldn't quote me on that though. I'd certainly be interested in taking a look if anyone could provide that information.


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## CWe

Pervert !!!!!!!!!!!


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## yay

What a perv. As if this made any difference wether you masturbate or not.
:roll

I don't want to know what he did after the session. Maybe he directly rubbed one off before treating the next patient. Is it possible to report such incidents? I'd try to find out if it can be reported.


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## won

it's legal. and sometimes (don't know about you) actually relevant to the therapy.
you should be concerned only if and when he starts being pushy and creepy about the topic.


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## yay

won said:


> it's legal. and sometimes (don't know about you) actually relevant to the therapy.
> you should be concerned only if and when he starts being pushy and creepy about the topic.


Yeah, definitely watch out for red flag questions like:

So, how many times have you masturbated since we last saw each other?

or

What do you think about when you masturbate?


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## ThePeon

Use common sense, your "creepdar" if you will, but also realize that a therapist will ask uncomfortable questions.

To those who say it isn't relevant, uh, sexuality and social stuff are often interconnected, and she was talking about wanting a boyfriend. 

That said, just tell him it makes you uncomfortable. A good therapist may try to convince you that it is worth discussing, but they certainly won't pressure you and will back down if you really don't want to talk about it.


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## AngelClare

It's relevant. If you don't ever masturbate maybe your libido is low.


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## yay

Or maybe she's now trapped in her therapist's basement.


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## SVIIC

catcharay said:


> Is your therapist male? That does seem overly personal to me.


Yeahhh... it sorta does but at the same time... these are very personal issues we're dealing with anyway, and maybe stuff like this matters.

Then again... seems kind of jumping the gun if it wasn't in a context of rather deep discussion on the specific subject of relationships/sexuality, but different people (and I guess therapists are going to do things differently than normal people) have different ways of approaching things...

I'd definitely be shocked/perturbed/embarrassed though.



AngelClare said:


> Wow, I'm surprised by the responses here. He's a therapist. It's his job to ask personal questions like that. We're not in the 16th century anymore.


I'm personally conflicted. You're probably right though.

While probably knowing how uncomfortable it will make a 17 year old (especially girl, or just different gender as it would go in general), he probably both doesn't wanna waste time by circling around the issue with sensitivity and can't be bothered doing so either because he deals with that stuff all the time.



Craig788 said:


> as for the underage thing, lets be honest people younger than 17 are having sex, no doubt about it... so a question like that is appropriate for this day and age...in my opinion anyway


Agreed. Masturbating at 17 is certainly nothing out of the ordinary. Even 15, even at 14 it would be a reasonable question. Still shocking, but that's the reality of opening up to someone with all of your personal experiences I'm afraid.



UltraShy said:


> So the exact same question in the exact same circumstances just changing it to a female therapist would make it entirely different?
> 
> This implies that a male therapist is getting off on such questions, which assumes the therapist is both straight & a pervert. He could be gay (the gay community claims 10% are) and thus find the issue of female sex totally uninteresting. Seems a therapist who happens to be a lesbian or bi female could get off on such questions as well, though it's regularly assumed the only men are pervs while women are pure and would never ask inappropriate questions. That's obviously a sexist assumption.


I didn't want to be the one to say it myself...

But yeah, I kinda agree :clap.

Not that I wouldn't, myself, imagine a random male therapist to be more likely to perv over a random girl than a random female therapist, but that's not entirely the issue and indeed such prejudice may lead to actual offenders going unnoticed due to profiling looking for other people.



Towers said:


> Your sexuality greatly influences your mental state and psychology, so it might have been relevant.


I was thinking that perhaps excessive masturbation might have been part of the reason? Like withdrawing from life and being so bored and lonely that you do it compulsively? That would make it relevant anyway.



Twelve Keyz said:


> maybe this is why they call them "the*rapists*"


It often has amused me that therapist looks just like "the rapist"...

ZOMG SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NOT FUNNY.
*Goes back to making jokes about safer subjects like mass murder* :b



patientx said:


> It seems rather insensitive and very careless for a male therapist to ask an underage girl who was in a room alone with him such a sexually charged question.


Definitely. Therapists, however, may wish to get an overview of the situation ASAP and, through overexposure, not fully realize how these things come off though, perhaps?



yay said:


> I don't want to know what he did after the session. Maybe he directly rubbed one off before treating the next patient.


:teeth

I did lol IRL.



yay said:


> Or maybe she's now trapped in her therapist's basement.


In her the rapist's basement?!!?!?? IT'S ALL ADDING UP!!! 

...you know she probably IS trapped in a basement while we're joking about this :teeth.


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## yay

SVIIC said:


> ...you know she probably IS trapped in a basement while we're joking about this :teeth.


Maybe if she doesnt log on here anymore someone should inform the authorities. Cant be cautious enough. :blank


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## tayzipporah

I'm not trapped in a basement.


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## yay

tayzipporah said:


> I'm not trapped in a basement.


How do we know that this really is you and not your therapist who got a hold of your laptop and now pretends to be you?


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## SomniferumPapi

i wouldnt think it was weird because masturbation can cause problems mentally so i would understand why she said that. Just dont take it as in a sexual way and more in a professional way


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## britisharrow

It's right in the right context.


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## yay

NoSocialButterfly said:


> Good point! Now that the therapist knows we are on to him, he is obviously going to pretend to be her to diffuse suspicion. What are we going to do?


She has to provide proof. We need a pic of her in public with a recent newspaper which proves that she's not locked in a basement strapped to some weird sex chair.


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## tayzipporah

NoSocialButterfly said:


> Thank you for clearing that up. Have you still been going to that therapist?


Yes, and she continues to ask me questions that make me feel uncomfortable. I found myself crying after the last session. :|She's either one hell of a therapist, or just asks really invasive questions.


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## SVIIC

tayzipporah said:


> Yes, and *she* continues to ask me questions that make me feel uncomfortable. I found myself crying after the last session. :|*She*'s either one hell of a therapist, or just asks really invasive questions.


Huh... just realized you never said it was a man. I could've sworn you did. I must have misinterpreted other people's comments...

Therapy will almost definitely be pretty awkward though... especially when your whole problem revolves around being uncomfortable with people.


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## tayzipporah

Therapy has never been THIS awkward for me though. :| It's just this particular therapist who puts me on edge. She's from Israel and she doesn't take any ****.


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## yay

What exactly does she ask which is so terrible?

Making you feel bad doesn't mean that she is good. She could as well simply totally suck. Maybe you should confront her and tell her straight in her face that you ask yourself if she might not simply absolutely suck and then see her reaction. Maybe you can turn the stick around a little bit.


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## tayzipporah

yay said:


> What exactly does she ask which is so terrible?
> 
> Making you feel bad doesn't mean that she is good. She could as well simply totally suck. Maybe you should confront her and tell her straight in her face that you ask yourself if she might not simply absolutely suck and then see her reaction. Maybe you can turn the stick around a little bit.


Like, when topics arise that are somewhat traumatic for me to talk about, she'll keep trying to make me talk about it instead of leaving it alone. But maybe that's her job.


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## tayzipporah

NoSocialButterfly said:


> I also thought it was a male for some reason? Anyway, I'm not going to say it's inappropriate because I don't know the context.
> 
> But to the OP, if you legitimately don't feel comfortable with this therapist then don't continue to go to her.


Well, my mom thinks she's a brilliant therapist, so she's making me go. And I don't completely dislike the lady...


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## yay

tayzipporah said:


> Like, when topics arise that are somewhat traumatic for me to talk about, she'll keep trying to make me talk about it instead of leaving it alone. But maybe that's her job.


Does she only force you to talk about it while sitting there making "uh hum" noises or does she also come up with solutions? Or is this not her _task_ and she only sits there and makes it look like you have to find solutions on your own and she's just the one who listens? Cause that's BS imo. When I go to a therapist I want solutions. If he has none then he's useless.

In the end you have to decide if this is making you feel better or worse. My experience is that even writing about negative thoughts which I have already drags me down. Talking will do the same. So unless she really brings some solutions to the table it wouldn't be worth it for me to go to someone and being dragged down and also having to pay for it.


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## ThePeon

yay said:


> Does she only force you to talk about it while sitting there making "uh hum" noises or does she also come up with solutions? Or is this not her _task_ and she only sits there and makes it look like you have to find solutions on your own and she's just the one who listens? Cause that's BS imo. When I go to a therapist I want solutions. If he has none then he's useless.
> 
> In the end you have to decide if this is making you feel better or worse. *My experience is that even writing about negative thoughts which I have already drags me down. Talking will do the same. *So unless she really brings some solutions to the table it wouldn't be worth it for me to go to someone and being dragged down and also having to pay for it.


Really? Many people would say the _exact opposite_. That talking helps them process things. In my experience this is certainly the case.


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## Lassitude

what does the fact that she's from Israel have to do with anything?!


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## SVIIC

NoSocialButterfly said:


> I also thought it was a male for some reason?


Yeah, I just... read the other replies and got the feeling we'd already established it was a male :um.



NoSocialButterfly said:


> But to the OP, if you legitimately don't feel comfortable with this therapist then don't continue to go to her.


At the same time though...

Don't be too hasty either. A therapist is going to be uncomfortable at first, especially if you're not used to therapy, and being 17 doesn't help either.

Make sure it's not just inevitable discomfort caused by discussing your problems and all.



Lassitude said:


> what does the fact that she's from Israel have to do with anything?!


Perhaps TC was misled... she doesn't recognize Israel and she doesn't do therapy with Israelis...? :b














Thought that was real funny.


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## arealghost

Maybe he asked that because lack of masturbation can add to the depression, you know, make it worse or something.

Thought it was a guy. Sorry.


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## arealghost

SomniferumPapi said:


> i wouldnt think it was weird because masturbation can cause problems mentally so i would understand why she said that. Just dont take it as in a sexual way and more in a professional way


Yeah all that sexual stuff is linked to aggression/mood swings.


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## SomniferumPapi

arealghost said:


> Yeah all that sexual stuff is linked to aggression/mood swings.


Not even trying to troll man, but if you masturbate, have you tried to go a week without it? I mean sex with another person is more okay and causes less problems mentally


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## PaxBritannica

Do you??


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## tayzipporah

PaxBritannica said:


> Do you??


Why does it matter to you? :blank


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## arealghost

SomniferumPapi said:


> Not even trying to troll man, but if you masturbate, have you tried to go a week without it? I mean sex with another person is more okay and causes less problems mentally


I've never masterbated, it comes out via my sleep. But I'd hate to be asked such questions by a therapist.


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## SomniferumPapi

arealghost said:


> I've never masterbated, it comes out via my sleep. But I'd hate to be asked such questions by a therapist.


lol yea that i would probably lie and ask what would the consequences be *if* i did..plus theres so much info on the web these days you can literally be your own therapist, but it takes willpower


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## mzmz

OP you ought to not be forced to go see a therapist your uncomfortable with.

Have you mentioned the masturbation question to your mother?

I also think that, since you were talking about loneliness, it was inappropriate to bring up that subject just then. she could have recommended you do or dont, without asking you to tell her which camp your in. she isent orthodox jewish, is she? that could effect everything.


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## tayzipporah

mzmz said:


> OP you ought to not be forced to go see a therapist your uncomfortable with.
> 
> Have you mentioned the masturbation question to your mother?
> 
> I also think that, since you were talking about loneliness, it was inappropriate to bring up that subject just then. she could have recommended you do or dont, without asking you to tell her which camp your in. she isent orthodox jewish, is she? that could effect everything.


yes, i told my mom about the masturbation question. she didn't think it was a big deal. she says it's good that i have someone i can talk about sex with... :no


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## Dissonance

tayzipporah said:


> Why does it matter to you? :blank


We must know, for science.


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## jimity

Dissonance said:


> We must know, for science.


Just like how Japan needs to catch whales for "scientific purposes" lol.

She is single so the answer is probably a "yes". It is common knowledge that most people have engaged at least once or often do it.


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## jimity

tayzipporah said:


> yes, i told my mom about the masturbation question. she didn't think it was a big deal. she says it's good that i have someone i can talk about sex with... :no


I don't think it is really a big deal unless your therapist is asking you to go into detail about it or for you to masturbate in the room or something like that.


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## Bloodyneptune

Is there some link between masturbation and SA I don't know about? xD


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## BonnieG2010

I don't think that legal or not is the big problem here.
You didn't like the question, so simply say so to your therapist. 
Whatever question he/she asks, answering it is not mandatory. It can be a way for you to think about the matter.
One important thing about therapy is trust. So please say how you felt to your therapist right away


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## yay

I also want a hot female therapist to discuss masturbatory issues.
I wonder if the health insurance would cover this. It could go under
_sexual healing_.


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## arnie

Look your therapist in the eye and say: "Yes. I fantasize about you every night."


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## yay

arnie said:


> Look your therapist in the eye and say: "Yes. I fantasize about you every night."


Or move your tongue over your lips while gently rubbing your crotch, bite your lips, roll your eyes back as if you were having a seizure and give off a slight moan.


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## liberateme

Bloodyneptune said:


> Is there some link between masturbation and SA I don't know about? xD


There is for me. I masturbate frequently to relieve the anxiety of loneliness. Perhaps the therapist asked him if he masturbates to establish if this is the case for him.


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## StNaive

I think it's pretty typical for therapists to ask about your sexuality+how you express it, simply because it is a part of most peoples' lives. Obviously don't stay with a therapist who makes you uncomfortable, but I personally wouldn't worry about it too much. Also maybe tell your therapist it made you uncomfortable, so they know to maybe stay away from that in the future?


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## michijo

therapists of the opposite sex are no good. I would not go to a female therapist again either. if it is a male therapist then switch.


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