# So how is a shy/quiet guy supposed to attract a girl's attention?



## freakingout (Feb 6, 2010)

So how is a shy/quiet guy supposed to attract a girl's attention?
Seriously, I'm more of quiet, reserved and probably seem like the very serious type untill I'm comfortable around the people that I'm around. Then I start to get more outgoing, relaxed, more willing to show emotion, and have fun. But it's like how am I supposed to get a girl's attention long so she'll be able to get comfortable around her when the most they'll do is basically just say hi to me then just go on somewhere else? I'm not even getting hugs from girls anymore, even around the girls that are really the huggy type...
But then still is a problem of a lack of social skills. I still don't really have a good idea how to act normally. Then there's also the fact that I hate small talk since it seems so pointless. I'd rather just get into the real deep stuff. Really I'm running out of options on where to go to find new girls. I mean there's school, but most of the girls that I'd be into have a boyfriend, and it's the samething in chruch. It's like everybody already have someone. meh, I'm just not sure about what I should be doing to get a girlfriend.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Stop being so shy and quiet. That's the answer.

You really need to break out of your shell. Not become a social butterfly, but try to be more outgoing.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

shyness won't attract a girl's attention. they won't know you there if you don't say something to them. rarely, a girl will make the first move.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

You sound a lot like me. I also tend to want to jump into the "deep" stuff. How good are you at making eye contact? That's a major weakness of mine, and something I need to improve.

As others have said, it's generally up to us to make the first move. How do you meet the girls you know? At work? At school?


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

The instances I seen where a "shy guy" was getting female attention without doing any work is when he has good looks(if you are good looking you will be on their radar) and if they know you have $$$$$$$$$$$$$$, or star athlete(yes some star athletes are shy). If you have neither of those working for you, you have to buck up and take "shots".


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

theseventhkey speaks the truth. Sitting at home waiting for something to happen will get us nowhere.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Deep conversation is not really the way to attract a girl's attention at first. It can be in certain situations, but what you're missing is the focus on _fun_ conversation. Most girls want to know if she can have a good time with you first and foremost. It's great that you have enough depth so that when you get past that initial phase you have something of substance to say, but you want to be able to mix up serious talking with joking, flirting, sarcasm, this kind of thing. Something that really helps is to watch other people do it so you get an idea of how it's done, for example:











Two very different styles, but you can see they keep things light when they first start talking to the girl(s).


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## shy_guy (Oct 11, 2009)

Booze and questions! Most of the time all u got to do is ask questions about her and let her do most of the talking. This only works the first couple of dates though good luck!


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Try finding social events where you naturally spend a lot of time around women. This will help your social skills until you are able to talk to them more easily.


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## 9mm (Feb 12, 2013)

The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


-_-


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## creasy (Oct 29, 2012)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


This is true. Women especially love it when you call them fat with a disgusted look on your face. When they start crying, you know you're about to get some *****.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


Yeah. Thats EXACTLY what turns me on. /sarcasm

How many women have you actually met?


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## Atari82 (Jan 19, 2010)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


Not saying this is true but ive seen a lotta guys like this WHO ALWAYS get the sweet girls. Makes me mad.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I think some of you guys target the wrong sorts of women. 

A super, super hot extroverted girl who has every guy in the world slobbering after her is likely just going to see you as some loser. She probably rejects tons of guys all the time. 

You are all better off pursuing a shy unassuming girl who would be a better fit for your personality.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

Sindelle said:


> I think some of you guys target the wrong sorts of women.
> 
> A super, super hot extroverted girl who has every guy in the world slobbering after her is likely just going to see you as some loser. She probably rejects tons of guys all the time.
> 
> You are all better off pursuing a shy unassuming girl who would be a better fit for your personality.


get a spear to. that way she will surely not move when you are hunting her. lol


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

If you like a girl enough, you'll find ways to release your inner extrovert side. Nobody is 100% shy/introvert or 100% outgoing/extroverted. We have got a little mixture of both; just happens to lean towards one side more than the other. That's why some people, even shy people, are more talkative and outgoing with their inner crowd and closest friends. 

Getting their attention shouldn't be hard if you actually try. It's getting a date that is the hard part. And dealing with rejection is even harder.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

You have to initiate some kind of conversation. Make a bit of effort to get to know them. Obviously that will be daunting for someone with SA but unless you get lucky and a chick throws herself at you, this is how it works. The big problems are fear of rejection and what to talk to them about. First of all rejection affects most people, don't beat yourself up over it, move on. Say simple things and don't be worried if it seems a bit awkward, whatever it takes to break the ice. Also be realistic and don't just go after the ones that all the guys are into.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

TheTraveler said:


> get a spear to. that way she will surely not move when you are hunting her. lol


Hey that's a good idea.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

you're good looking
you have amazing body
you're very talented


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## freakingout (Feb 6, 2010)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


Yes, because this will really attract the cute Chruch girls.

Anyways, I guess I'm gonna start with getting to know the girls I do know and talk to a little bit easier better.


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## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


So many bitter posts like this on this site.


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## Logitech (Jul 30, 2011)

Yes, because this is all he (probably) and I have experienced. If you haven't seen anything else, how can you believe anything else? Plus, at this point, it gives me a strangely sweet feeling to be bitter at these things because the majority of people have so much faith and optimism in them, and they've already screwed me over big time.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

The answer is that we don't. We have to rely on fate if whether we will get one or not.


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## freakingout (Feb 6, 2010)

Anyways, I'm planning on calling a girl that I haven't talked to in a few month to hang out with me and a couple of my friends. Hopefully that'll go well. And hopefully I won't loss my nerve and wait another couple months before I call. Basically she isn't someone that I'd normally see through out the week... Which makes things a little harder to deal with...


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

How does a shy guy attract a girl? He doesn't. This is why he has to overcome his shyness.

This is like asking "How do I stop it from hurting when I bang my head into a wall." You don't. It is always going to hurt. What you do is stop banging your head into the wall.

Getting over your shyness is not easy, lord knows I know, but that is the answer.


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## freakingout (Feb 6, 2010)

But yeah, it just seems like things are going nowhere. I tried to talk to a girl today, and I just ending doing some the dishes for the chruch today. >_<

I mean, I know God wants me to make the first move, but when I do... It just seems like things keep going wrong...


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## DreamerInSlumberland (Mar 6, 2013)

9mm said:


> The basic idea is to pretend that you're more popular than you really are. Girls care almost entirely about popularity, and only pretend to care about other things. Strut around with an arrogant smirk on your face. Tease and mock everyone, but don't be too friendly about it -- the more hostile your teasing the better.


You clearly know very little about women. I've known men who are popular, and _some _of them are quite deceptive. They are the type I tend to avoid.

The best way to attract a woman is to be confident, or at least fake it. All I need to know is if you're interested. Muster enough confidence to approach her.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

rymo said:


> Deep conversation is not really the way to attract a girl's attention at first. It can be in certain situations, but what you're missing is the focus on _fun_ conversation. Most girls want to know if she can have a good time with you first and foremost. It's great that you have enough depth so that when you get past that initial phase you have something of substance to say, but you want to be able to mix up serious talking with joking, flirting, sarcasm, this kind of thing. Something that really helps is to watch other people do it so you get an idea of how it's done, for example:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sarcasm is not for everyone. For me, it is a big turn off. So it depends on a person.


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## lexir (Mar 9, 2013)

WintersTale said:


> Stop being so shy and quiet. That's the answer.
> 
> You really need to break out of your shell. Not become a social butterfly, but try to be more outgoing.


Yes, we know that. But many people fail to realize how difficult that is (and don't dare say we don't try).
It's like telling an obese person to stop eating, without realizing the many things that are involved (stress, genetics, unable to afford an exercise regimen, hormonal imbalances, inactivity due to injuries, etc).


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Generally I like shy guys. Though I must admit, if you hardly ever speak, you must either be physically attractive/dress well... or those few moments you do speak, say something intelligent, witty, etc. Those two things especially combined will always catch my attention and interest.

And being shy is attractive as well... cause then I know the guy won't be blabbering off about irrelevant things LOL and knowing he can maintain a good conversation is attractive.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

TheTraveler said:


> -_-


X2.










Oh 9mm, I used to be like you. When I realized I was bitter from past relationships and that I was being ******* to girls who had never done anything to me I changed. Hopefully the same will happen to you.


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## LorenLuke (Jan 3, 2011)

I am shy wrapped in a chatterbox. If I'm at ease, I can talk to you about absolutely nothing, or absolutely everything. Otherwise I generally keep to myself. However, when I'm out talking to people (albeit still in my comfort zone), I don't try and make it more of a struggle than it is. I try to enjoy myself; I'm genuinely interested in what others have to say, whomever they may be. And it shows if I enjoy myself. I don't talk to people to get there attention or to pick up anyone, I talk to them to learn all I can about them and enjoy the conversation in the process. I choose not to expect anything, rather than invest in just one person or whathaveyou, and am pleasantly surprised when I make friends. 

Show interest and remain at ease when talking. Enjoy yourself. That's all.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

WintersTale said:


> Stop being so shy and quiet. That's the answer.
> 
> You really need to break out of your shell. Not become a social butterfly, but try to be more outgoing.


What he said.

The emphasis is on you. Lately, I've been reminded of what it feels like to be convinced that you can't imagine doing such thing. We all have what it takes, but unless we are taking progressive action, then sometimes we forget it just takes a little warming up and practice.


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## Jironasaurus (Mar 14, 2013)

Change. That's the only option you've got. It took me about 3 years to change from utterly introverted to outgoing. But it's so worth it.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

quietenfp said:


> You clearly know very little about women. I've known men who are popular, and _some _of them are quite deceptive. They are the type I tend to avoid.
> 
> The best way to attract a woman is to be confident, or at least fake it. All I need to know is if you're interested. Muster enough confidence to approach her.


Okay, so if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for other women?

Confidence is BS. Confidence (as in social confidence) is a result of social success which is proxy to high social status.

A guy with the attitude 9mm described will get MUCH MORE success with women than the OP.

Women are attracted to success (socially, financially, etc), not confidence.


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## Jironasaurus (Mar 14, 2013)

Correction. EVERYONE is attracted to success AND confidence.

I know of friends who aren't successful at all, but women LOVE them for their attitude. They'll easily get women any day.


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## DreamerInSlumberland (Mar 6, 2013)

TPower said:


> Women are attracted to success (socially, financially, etc), not confidence.


A lot of the men I've been attracted to aren't "successful." I think I know what I'm attracted to, especially since I am a woman. I've turned down several successful men. It's the confidence that wins me over, even if it's a fragment of confidence.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Jironasaurus said:


> Correction. EVERYONE is attracted to success AND confidence.
> 
> I know of friends who aren't successful at all, but women LOVE them for their attitude. They'll easily get women any day.


Success doesn't always translate into cash.

People can be successful and poor. Those friends you are referring to are socially successful.

Nobody has any business being socially confident (and that's why they aren't, even if they try real hard to fake it) when they're been rejected and treated like sh!t by their entourage for most of their lifetime.


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## vatefairefoutre (Mar 21, 2013)

idk, use the magic of mindfulness. so just like, one day, just like smile at her or watch her or some **** and then dont really notice her a bit and then she'll be so ricking curious and be all like "who is he? why did he look at me? why isn't he looking at me now? was he looking at me just now?" all that just small things so she notices you!!!!!!!!!!


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## TJenkins602 (Jul 18, 2012)

freakingout said:


> So how is a shy/quiet guy supposed to attract a girl's attention?
> Seriously, I'm more of quiet, reserved and probably seem like the very serious type untill I'm comfortable around the people that I'm around. Then I start to get more outgoing, relaxed, more willing to show emotion, and have fun. But it's like how am I supposed to get a girl's attention long so she'll be able to get comfortable around her when the most they'll do is basically just say hi to me then just go on somewhere else? I'm not even getting hugs from girls anymore, even around the girls that are really the huggy type...
> But then still is a problem of a lack of social skills. I still don't really have a good idea how to act normally. Then there's also the fact that I hate small talk since it seems so pointless. I'd rather just get into the real deep stuff. Really I'm running out of options on where to go to find new girls. I mean there's school, but most of the girls that I'd be into have a boyfriend, and it's the samething in chruch. It's like everybody already have someone. meh, I'm just not sure about what I should be doing to get a girlfriend.


Here's something you might not like to hear (I didn't really want to hear it, but I needed to). Go out and meet people. You may not like small talk, but you might as well get comfortable with it because that is the kind of talk that breaks the ice. It is more of a numbers game. As you get more into talking to people, you may find yourself in a romantic relationship.

Some good ways you can learn how to act is by observing people. It is easily done when you can go to Church because people can be the most welcoming in that setting. You can observe what some church goers talk about. A lot of them talk about the same things that non church goers talk about. As you figure out the common subjects. Get familiar with them if you are not already. That way, you can add to conversations.

Also, it is important to know when you can introduce yourself. If a group of people are busy, then you might want to find someone else to talk to. As you get comfortable talking with others, then you get closer to actually finding a girl. This is really easier said than done. You just have to start small. Get help if you can, too. Do whatever you can to build social skills, they will make it that much easier for you to get a woman.


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