# regarding looks



## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

I have a serious question to all the good looking guys out there. Being a person with SA in that you don't approach girls, do you get alot of girls that obviously hit on you, ask you out on a date, and so on. I have only had one girl ask me out my whole life but I wasn't interested in her. Also, do you think being a good looking guy will have net you a girlfriend by now, even though you never approached girls. I'm bothered by the way I look even though people consider me good looking, I still don't know how to judge myself. I believe if I was better looking I would have had a girlfriend by now. :rain


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## aj87 (May 25, 2008)

having good physical features certainly helps but i've realized having a good sense of humor and communicator can overshadow good looks, sometimes


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## juice (Nov 21, 2006)

Well I do get girls just randomly making conversation with me, which I usually tend to fail at and they walk away. Basically confidence for guys is what looks are for girls, and vica versa. Being good looking as a guy doesn't help nearly as much as being a good looking girl.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I think looks matter just like game, confidence, self esteem, personality all are power when interacting with women. Sosauve.com has tons of information on seduction and how to improve yourself as a whole.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I been hit on by girls in the past, but that attraction goes away when they realized that I couldn't communicate properly.


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## juice (Nov 21, 2006)

shyvr6 said:


> I been hit on by girls in the past, but that attraction goes away when they realized that I couldn't communicate properly.


Pretty much this. Any girl that will go out with you even though you have SA would probably go out with you whether you're good looking or not, assuming you're not hideously disfigured.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

Looks do not seem to be nearly as important to women as they are to us men. Even if you are an all-star stud, if you are awkward and socially deficient, you'll still have a difficult time finding a girl willing to go on a second date.


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## 99x (Oct 4, 2007)

When I use to go out a lot I had a few girls approach me to give me their numbers and I've had some female friends ask me out. I've never been rejected the very few times I've approached girls yet I've never had a girlfriend. After that first rush when meeting someone I'm interested in I lose all confidence and either don't call them or make a complete fool of myself and they lose interest. 

These days my SA has gotten so bad that I rarely go out, and when I do I'm just in my own world or something. Like you, I don't know how to judge myself. I have doubts on whether or not the girls I've tried to connect with in the past were just trying to be nice.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

I understand that confidence and personality are very important in initiating a relationship, but my question is does being good looking get girls to approach you and ask for your number or start a conversation


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Yes


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

In my experience...good looks by itself won't lead to women approaching you. Of course it depends on the setting and the people involved, but women get tongue-tied/intimidated just like us, and despite modern trends there's still a pretty strong stigma against women being the pursuers. I've had probably 5 or 6 girls have serious crushes on me during my lifetime, but only one of them ever made a move. And I wasn't sure beforehand that she actually liked me.

So I could have looked like either Ben Affleck or Quasimodo, it wouldn't have made any difference in that regard. I don't necessarily think of myself as "good looking" but I don't think my looks hold me back either.

My guess is that being excellently well dressed and/or being in a social setting where you can dominate the conversation would give you better odds.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

sabueed said:


> I have a serious question to all the good looking guys out there. Being a person with SA in that you don't approach girls, do you get alot of girls that obviously hit on you, ask you out on a date, and so on. I have only had one girl ask me out my whole life but I wasn't interested in her. Also, do you think being a good looking guy will have net you a girlfriend by now, even though you never approached girls. I'm bothered by the way I look even though people consider me good looking, I still don't know how to judge myself. I believe if I was better looking I would have had a girlfriend by now. :rain


Yes, all the girlfriends i've had have been girls who've approached me, and i always wait for girls to talk to me at clubs or whatever.. i've never approached a girl. unlike those who say that once a girl approaches them they can't talk or whatever, i can actually talk fairly well to a girl who has approached me cos I think the fact she approached me means she's interested in me, so the fear of rejection is gone.. on the other hand for me to approach a girl all i'm thinking is 'am i annoying her, does she even want to talk, is she gonna reject me?" and hence freeze and can't say a thing.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

in the past ive approached over 300 hundred girls and found one who was interested in me somewhere around 60 percent interests level and been asked out once but got freaked out. as the dj bible from sosuave.com says that looks are the audition must have game, confidence if not a lot of it, personality, self esteem, would be a power house if you want a lot of women.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

In the U.S., it still isn't that customary for women to randomly approach guys. It's happened to me in drunken settings though or a handful of times when girls I didn't know asked me a question or something but usually I don't even realize the subtext until it's too late. 

As for more controlled settings (camp, hs, now college), I've had my chances. Signs have been more than obvious...everything except the words "I like you." But for me, that's what it takes for me to be completely at ease because in my crazy mind I'm not "attractive" to anyone. And I'm not even talking about the physical aspect...A part of me just always questions anything good that another person does, says or FEELS about me. Thus, when I don't open up or show interest, the girl gives up. Doesn't matter what I "look" like. 

As a result, I've only had one relationship to date and ironically that was with me persuing for the first time, not waiting around.


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## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Zen Mechanics said:


> sabueed said:
> 
> 
> > I have a serious question to all the good looking guys out there. Being a person with SA in that you don't approach girls, do you get alot of girls that obviously hit on you, ask you out on a date, and so on. I have only had one girl ask me out my whole life but I wasn't interested in her. Also, do you think being a good looking guy will have net you a girlfriend by now, even though you never approached girls. I'm bothered by the way I look even though people consider me good looking, I still don't know how to judge myself. I believe if I was better looking I would have had a girlfriend by now. :rain
> ...


Really? You're lucky. For me, if the girl shows interest, then I worry about being perfect and her losing whatever positive feelings she had about me initially if she actually gets to know me.


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

Zen Mechanics said:


> Yes, all the girlfriends i've had have been girls who've approached me, and i always wait for girls to talk to me at clubs or whatever.. i've never approached a girl. unlike those who say that once a girl approaches them they can't talk or whatever, i can actually talk fairly well to a girl who has approached me cos I think the fact she approached me means she's interested in me, so the fear of rejection is gone.. on the other hand for me to approach a girl all i'm thinking is 'am i annoying her, does she even want to talk, is she gonna reject me?" and hence freeze and can't say a thing.


same here. all the girls i dated asked me out (6 girls. there were a few other girls that were interested in me but i wasn't into them). i met them all in school or at work (and 1 online) and they were the ones that approached me and did most of the talking. i still don't know why those girls asked me out, i'm i'm definitely not good looking and i have no personality or a sense of humor. i've only asked out 2 girls im my life. my anxiety got really bad and turned out bad. its much easier when a girl asks you out.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

shyvr6 said:


> I been hit on by girls in the past, but that attraction goes away when they realized that I couldn't communicate properly.


Yeah, as soon as I open my mouth, it's game over. They quickly realize I'm a social retard and that's it. ...Not that I ever really get hit on. I can probably count on one hand the number of girls that were obviously interested in me. I'm mostly basing things on when random people say something to me, at work or wherever.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I would never approach a guy even if he was good looking. I would just stare from afar.


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## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

Well, I never get approached by women ever. None ever try to start conversations with me, and if I try and chat with them, I have to make all of the effort, and they give me essentially nothing.

Although I try and stay in pretty good shape, it doesn't make a difference. Regarding looks, I am hideous. :rain


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

I dont think their is a definiton for "goodlooking" besides a subjective empirical myth that looks matter or not.


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## ShyGuyy420 (Jun 5, 2008)

I'm not sure if i would consider myself "good looking", but i would say that im decent looking at least. But it hasn't helped me to gain any relationships. I've never had a girlfriend (except back when i was like 13, but i don't consider that to be a meaningful relationship, just child stuff). There was one girl last year though that I definately could have dated if it wasn't for me being socially inept when it comes to the opposite sex. She made an effort to get to know me and told me that she was interested in me, but i just didn't know how to deal with this.

Christ, and then there was the girl that i barely even knew who left me a voicemail on my phone asking me if i would "come over to her house and **** her". I guess shes not one to beat around the bush! I didn't call her back, but if i didn't have SA i would of definately jumped at that chance. She asked my friends if i'm gay ops. God, im such a coward.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

whoever said looks don't matter is a liar!!!!!!!! I do believe if you are a really good looking guy you will have been approached by a lot of women.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

everything matters health, education, money, personality, looks, self esteem ,confidence, game, hobbies, alone time, lesiure time, personal growth, work, cars, family , friends, at least to me


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

ANCIENT said:


> Zen Mechanics said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, all the girlfriends i've had have been girls who've approached me, and i always wait for girls to talk to me at clubs or whatever.. i've never approached a girl. unlike those who say that once a girl approaches them they can't talk or whatever, i can actually talk fairly well to a girl who has approached me cos I think the fact she approached me means she's interested in me, so the fear of rejection is gone.. on the other hand for me to approach a girl all i'm thinking is 'am i annoying her, does she even want to talk, is she gonna reject me?" and hence freeze and can't say a thing.
> ...


You're lucky you got 6 girls and more. None of the guys I dated approached me. :rain


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## M.Coob (Aug 13, 2008)

id agree that confidence must go along with any appearance whether it be looks or style. i've always found that looking back on situations where i clearly had the interests of a woman, that mind blurring has just been too powerful and what i should have said always seems so obvious. so by focusing so much on looks, it seems that you can look beyond what you should really be concerned with. this would seem to be the mistake ive made most of the time


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## jlaw629 (Nov 12, 2007)

This is a tricky subject... kind of a catch 22. I believe if you are very good looking, women may have a hard time approaching you if they are intimidated by you. Maybe not though, I am no expert for sure. I think I fall into the "ok" catagory but a bit too low to make them go out of thier way to catch my attention. I rarely get approached, I have had three girlfriends and one of them intitiated it, the other two I had to chase.


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## McBeef (Jan 5, 2008)

I get some attention from women. Like yesterday I was at a crosswalk waiting and I was scanning the cars and noticed a fairly attractive woman looking at me and smiling. She waved at me and laughed when I noticed her.

I've been at a social work party type of deal and had an attractive girl walk up to me, place her hand on my cheek and start massaging my ear lobe saying 'oh he's soo sweet I just want to stuff him with cotton and lay him on my bed!' but I wasn't able to initiate/carry a conversation or ask her for her number and then she left the party.

So for me its like someone putting a slice of delicious pie in my hand and saying 'go on! have a bite!' and then after a minute or two of paralysis the slice of pie is taken away; 'guess you don't like pie. Hmm.'


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## McBeef (Jan 5, 2008)

sabueed said:


> whoever said looks don't matter is a liar!!!!!!!! I do believe if you are a really good looking guy you will have been approached by a lot of women.


Oh yeah, definitely. I've gone through several phases and changes. I've had long hair, shaved head, dreadlocks, a beard, trendy hair, been fat, thin, dressed nice, dressed lazy, etc. I don't believe, I KNOW that the way you look determines how people will treat you until they get to know you. That until they get to know you part may sound like it trivializes the effects of your appearance but then again your appearance will determine wether or not they bother to get to know you.


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## juice (Nov 21, 2006)

McBeef said:


> So for me its like someone putting a slice of delicious pie in my hand and saying 'go on! have a bite!' and then after a minute or two of paralysis the slice of pie is taken away; 'guess you don't like pie. Hmm.'


I know huh, it's the literal representation of "You can't have your cake and eat it too"



McBeef said:


> sabueed said:
> 
> 
> > I don't believe, I KNOW that the way you look determines how people will treat you until they get to know you.


Agreed, right now my hairs all grown out and shaggy and I don't try to dress up, just throw on whatever is clean. There's definitely a noticeable difference on the way people, mainly girls, act towards you when you're not looking as attractive. But then again the way people dress and groom can show a lot about how they feel, maybe people are just picking up on a "don't talk to me" vibe.


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

SAgirl said:


> I would never approach a guy even if he was good looking. I would just stare from afar.


You women are so good at that. It's so easy to tell when a guy is checking out a girl, but I never notice women check out guys, or me 

Anyway to the OP: 7 girls have come on to me where it's lead somewhere and probably three times that many that i didn't follow up because i was to busy being a deer in headlights. few of them actually lead to relationships, sometimes my fault, sometimes theirs, but mostly because the girls weren't anything like "my type". After HS and college it's a lot harder to find yourself in environments like parties where it isn't uncool for girls to approach guys. So it just gets harder after that stage in your life so if you haven't got a serious girlfriend by then, even good looks won't help you out. Hell I haven't even made friends with anybody let alone girls for the last five years.

Even when girls show overt interest in you, generally they still won't make the first move and so you still face the same problem and the girls that do aren't generally girls you want a relationship with... When they are then thats the hardest part, you have to maintain a relationship.


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

I wouldn't consider myself a very handsome guy, but I get alot of guys hitting on me, unfortunately. Girls are a little more subtle. They will sit next to me or study with me... but I never know their real intention.


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

SAgirl said:


> I would never approach a guy even if he was good looking. I would just stare from afar.


I used to do that to girls when I was in high school. It never worked.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

If you are not the most attractive looking guy, dressing well and having some confidence is more attractive than you think. Well at least I think so. You don't need natural good looks to get a date. But one way not to get a date is to hate who you are, hate how you look, not put any effort into your appearance and then expect someone to be attracted to you.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

A good hair cut, nice eyebrows (not unibrow) stylish clothes, not expensive, but nice. not the kind of jeans that are tapered at the bottom from the 80's or whenever it was. lol no nose hair, i dunno lots of little things... when it comes to appearance i find these things more attractive than a "pretty boy". In fact not sure I've ever been attracted to that type. Even if you are thin/over weight, dress in clothes that flatter your body type.


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## Zen Mechanics (Aug 3, 2007)

everyone (around my age anyway) is wearing those skinny legs jeans here at the moment, and i reckon they look awesome on guys and girls. if you aren't fat or have malformed legs that is.


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## colonelpoop (Jun 18, 2008)

^

I hate it when I see big guys wearing those skinny jeans. They totally don't get it.


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