# My great battle for this summer!!! CCHHHAARRGEE!!!



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, its almost time for a social charge!!! this summer Im going to do all the following like crazy: 
-toastmasters
-nightclub/bars
-meeting SAS people in person
-speed dating
-cultural events 
-social clubs
-dating relationship bootcamp
-spiritual classes
-meetup.com
-mall excersizes(changing perceptions in cafeteria, chit chatting with salespeople in stores, asking people for time, etc)
-phone people i know for chit chat
-phone people i dont know for chit chat(may use soundboard technology for assistance)
-Dances and dance classes
-online dating
-use excort service or female friends for practice date
-webcam/mic chats
-have someone video tape me proposing marriage to random strangers 

all for one goal: to become a super duper extroverted social butterfly that can make friends or girlfriend anywhere!!!

Preparation:
secure the beliefs that: 
-the only failure is not trying, everything else is a learning experience. Going out=success, staying in= failure
-being too lazy to go out makes me weak
-people are fun to hang out with and play with
-I can have a fun time with people
-I can lead people
-I can form relationships
-fear or any other feeling is not a valid reason to stop trying 

I have to finish up my getting of abs of steel before i can commit time to this social plan. Ill have to give it a good fitness charge and dedicate the next few weeks to nothing but fitness.
Then it will be summer, people out and about, and it will be time to dedicate everything to social life! it will be time for the social charge!!! CCCCCCHHHHAAAAARRRGEEE!!!


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

sounds like a good, intense plan. good luck.


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## Dothan (Feb 8, 2009)

i just dont understand why you do this, i mean it is like you are obsessed with social interaction.
it is not a competition


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## Zeddicus (Apr 1, 2009)

Because he wants to change, like all of us, and the best way to do that is to start here and now without letting yourself be held back, which is an unfortunate mistake that I have often repeated.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

It's great to be driven, but be methodical about it AJ. Use your energy wisely because you have a ton. It'd be cool if you post a picture of your progress. When I developed a six-pack, for the longest time I didn't believe I had it, while people were calling me Bruce Lee and ****. Just because you don't have a six-pack like Vin Diesel doesn't mean you don't have a six pack.


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## Dothan (Feb 8, 2009)

Zeddicus said:


> Because he wants to change, like all of us, and the best way to do that is to start here and now without letting yourself be held back, which is an unfortunate mistake that I have often repeated.


okay that is a reason 
but to me he seems to exaggerate it, he seems to do so bad, he even bare to do all this stuff that people without SA have fear of. like speeddating for instance.

it is one thing to get socially active but to put oneself so hard out isnt healthy in my opinion


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

its less healthy being alone all the time and not interacting with people


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## Desperate (Apr 3, 2009)

don't give up have faith and you will do it!!!!!!


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## Nameless (Feb 6, 2009)

Dothan said:


> okay that is a reason
> but to me he seems to exaggerate it, he seems to do so bad, he even bare to do all this stuff that people without SA have fear of. like speeddating for instance.
> 
> it is one thing to get socially active but to put oneself so hard out isnt healthy in my opinion


I agree.

I wish you all the best, AJ. But to me, it sounds like you are being a little too ambitious, I mean all those things in the summer? Some of them are reasonable but others are way out there. You need to take it slow, you can't make your anxiety disappear overnight or in a couple of months. And just cause you do these things doesn't mean your SA will go away.

I think it's better to find long-term solutions than quick-fixes. I don't know how bad your SA is, but doing all these things in such a short-period of time is not reasonable by any standards. Some of the things you mentioned seemed way out there even for "normal" people. You might be setting yourself up for failure.

That said, I wish you all the best and hope you accomplish your goals and get rid of your SA.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

Dothan said:


> okay that is a reason
> but to me he seems to exaggerate it, he seems to do so bad, he even bare to do all this stuff that people without SA have fear of. like speeddating for instance.
> 
> it is one thing to get socially active but to put oneself so hard out isnt healthy in my opinion


Oh, I dunno. One could take things slowly and carefully, that's my way. But I don't think it's wrong to go at it full steam like AJ plans to. I guess the risk is getting exhausted or disheartened and giving up, but he seems to take a healthy attitude towards failure: it's only not trying that's a failure. I say good luck to you, AJ, let us know if it works!

Edit: I just noticed the "have someone videotape me proposing marriage to random strangers." If you did that to me, I'd be really cross! More with the videotaping than the joke marriage proposal. Don't go upsetting any random strangers now!


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

Good luck on accomplishing those goals! I believe it is good to have plenty of ambition. Shoot for the moon and even if you miss, you will land among the stars (that is a famous quote from somewhere). Even if you don't accomplish everything on your list, you should be proud of yourself just for making the effort. 

Best of luck to you this summer! Do you have abs of steel yet?


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## John19 (Mar 14, 2009)

Great attitude! The only way to beat SA is to keep pushing yourself to do new things. Just be sure to keep it up.


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## soundofsilence (Apr 3, 2009)

Good luck! Keep us all updated on how that list is coming along


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

thanks all, and dont worry about it being too hard

Ive actually already done everything on the list at least once, cept speed dating.

I just need to do tons of it so it sticks


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> thanks all, and dont worry about it being too hard
> 
> Ive actually already done everything on the list at least once, cept speed dating.
> 
> I just need to do tons of it so it sticks


Wow! That is great! Are you sure you have SA?


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## Nameless (Feb 6, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> -dating relationship bootcamp
> -phone people i dont know for chit chat(may use soundboard technology for assistance)
> -online dating
> -use excort service or female friends for practice date
> ...


You already tried all those? I know people without SA who wouldn't do half the things you mentioned. You confuse me, AJ.


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## stealyourface722 (Aug 31, 2008)

lol u smoking crack? u seem so motovated. Good luck 
^im just kidding


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah, i can do anything now

its just about being motivated and actually wanting to do these things now


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, time to do this!!! tomorrow I will go to a seminar on self improvement


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## CandyKane (Apr 14, 2009)

ok my goal right now is to get to my ssi apoinment after skippiung 3 of them in the past i willl do it!! its april 28!!!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Ok! here we go!

yesterday I went out dancing and did both dancing on my own if front of everyone plus i danced a few times with the prettiest girl in the room
then everyone went out and I was like "group hug!!" and we all hugged, haha
and we walked around in a dark dangerous neighborhood and talked.
then I drove down to the local bar/club area and yelled stuff out the window at people, haha

and all without drinking any alchohol

today Im going to church and then out for lunch with friends


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

Wow! You are becoming quite the social butterfly


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## Encore (Apr 17, 2008)

Great stuff man


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so i went out to church and ended up meeting a bunch of people and we all went to a seminar thing for improving your life, then we went for some burgers.
and just now I went out and chilled with this girl i know

aaah, im out of control

and yet still, i must have more!!!


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Congrats on your successes! It sounds like you are doing great. It does seem like a lot, but that can be good. Sometimes the only way to overcome something like this, is to throw yourself right in to the deep end. I really should start pushing myself more.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

went out to dinner and movie with girl on friday, went out with her again on saturday and drove around seeing stuff in the city. and today I went to yoga class, went to church, went to a cultural gathering and eating, and then went to a little apartment dinner party and socialized all day.

alot of stuff, and I gotta say, this isnt going to well. Im just forcing myself to do all these things and i hate doing them. you can change things physically, but if your mentally ****ed up, your screwed. you cant cut open your brain and fix it. I dont know what to do.

possible ideas:

-develop a bad boy mentallity where I care more about myself than anyone and just do and say whatever i feel like with the goal of having fun

-develop a warm hearted mentallity where I just visuallized kindness and love in people all day long, until proven otherwise, and keep smiling and staying positive

-develop a I-suck-haha mentallity, so when I suck at something I just find it funny and keep trying


but damn, i dont know how to change mentalities, its very difficult to create a permanent change to your way of thinking. you can force it to change, but its back again the next day!!

the hypothesis is that is I keep changing my mentallity to the desired one, it will eventually become habitual

but how long will this take? and how can I keep this up 24/7????

some tests need to be conducted


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, heres what ill do:
I get tired at work and wanna just go home and relax. I will change my mentality to love work and enjoy what im doing right to the end to the point that I wanna do it again.

once ive figure out how i changed the mentality, i shall apply the same principal to the harder situation of social mentality

and ill turn the nice guy, negative thinking, 'fear of failure' attitude into a bad boy, positive thinking guy who gets a kick at being sucky at stuff

ill do it tomorrow!! and then on tuesday ill see if it sticks, meaning i enjoy my job automatically without having to think about it. if it doesnt, ill have to try again until it does become a automatic habit.
once its made clear how to and how long it takes to work, I can write up a structured instructions on how to change mentality and apply it to socializing, friends, dating, etc


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, it worked out pretty good!

I had so much fun doing my job today.
its quite the fun challenge to try to have fun when things are difficult. All day today bad stuff was happening and I was laughing my *** off threw it all. I was spilling my drink and mixing up my work and getting all lost and it was cold out, but it was fun cause I saw it all as a challenge and glorious adventure.

I kept up that attitude for 8 hours straight, and although i slipped into negativity occasionally I just kept correcting myself with the goal of building the good mindframe into an automatic habitual thing.

so I should have form a little bit of a habitual response today, so tomorrow when bad things happen, I should automatically find it funny and stay positive. If theres even a little bit of the habit formed, then this is a success, ill just have to repeat what i did today again and again until this habit is very strong and can stand on its own.

then I can use this same technique for social situations.


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## Freedom2010 (Jan 29, 2009)

I'm glad you are enjoying your job. You seem to have a very positive attitude. With that positive attitude, you will be able to accomplish many great things


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## anzoh (Dec 17, 2008)

Sounds like you have really really decided to get better. That's good!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah!!! its now or never!!! 

ok, my brain's habit forming ability seems to be functioning properly. There was some automatic response today at work, it was great! now i need to apply this with social scenerios.

I went out with a girl today and we went shopping and eating and then parked on a cliff and chatted for a bit.

It felt much better today


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, went to a cultural dance and dinner thing today.
it was pretty depressing watching the children have so much fun running around and playing, while the adult all just sat and talked. I dont know why adults enjoy talking so much and hate playing tag and hide and seek and stuff.

ah well, what can ya do


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## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> I went out with a girl today and we went shopping and eating and then *parked on a cliff* and chatted for a bit.


See, I don't think that would help my anxiety... 

This is a very interesting read, and I hope you keep posting. I feel motivated just reading it...


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

excellent, i like to motivate 

Im gona take a rest today from all this socializing to work on my plan in more detail. I know how to put an end to this SA problem once and for all. 
its just doing the following a zillion times: 

push yourself to change mind frame to a friendship oriented mind set while exposing yourself to social scenerios.

sort of like the whole cbt+exposure therapy route, but Im doing this myself so its more custom made for the type of person i want to be and i dont rely on a therapist to guide me, instead ill guide myself since Im available 24/7

Ive been able to force my thinking to be better and also get myself out into real social situations, but the hard part ive been having is doing it a zillion times or however times necessary for the change to be permanent.

but im working on a new plan right now to deal with this problem right now


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## alohomora (Apr 5, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> alright, went to a cultural dance and dinner thing today.
> it was pretty depressing watching the children have so much fun running around and playing, while the adult all just sat and talked. I dont know why adults enjoy talking so much and hate playing tag and hide and seek and stuff.
> 
> ah well, what can ya do


Yeah, nonverbal expression is so much better than verbal. Adults are pretty boring. I can't understand it either when the dance floor is empty and people are just chatting...and I won't take the initiative to go out on the dance floor by myself because I have SA, lol. Kids are have much better times at parties. I know I used to have much more fun as a kid when I attended wedding parties. Now I have to be like all the grownups.


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## Globe_Trekker (Jan 29, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> alright, its almost time for a social charge!!! this summer Im going to do all the following like crazy:
> -toastmasters
> -nightclub/bars
> -meeting SAS people in person
> ...


I'm not sure it's as easy as you make it sound...some of these things you propose doing are kind of crazy (the ones I've underlined in fat - phoning people you don't know just for chit chat is odd and sort of rude - using escort service just to practice a date is a waste of the escort' time (using a female friend is fine) - I'm not sure random strangers will like you proposing marriage (or secretly videotaping them)...I would be careful with that one. The rest seems like a good idea...just go for it I say!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah, some of them are kinda out there, haha
I wont video tape anyone or use any escort services.

but yesterday I went and hung out with a girl, and today I went to an assertiveness training thing and then had coffee with them all afterwards


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## Globe_Trekker (Jan 29, 2009)

_AJ_ said:


> yeah, some of them are kinda out there, haha
> I wont video tape anyone or use any escort services.
> 
> but yesterday I went and hung out with a girl, and today I went to an assertiveness training thing and then had coffee with them all afterwards


^ that's really great! :clap


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## rockst4r (May 4, 2009)

good job ;]


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## rockst4r (May 4, 2009)

damn thats a lotta goals aj, but good luck!! my one in only right now is to register and pass this damn speech class i need to graduate!!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

thank you, thank you
good luck with that speech class


yesterday I went out and had coffee with my buddy. I had alot of fun chatting with him, which is excellent!
then we went to see a movie and we couldnt find seats and then I saw some, but instead of going all the way around, I just jumped over all the chairs to beat other people to them! I felt a little embarrassed, but thats ok, I did it anyway.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Ok, heres my new subconsious programming, starting today:

If I see someone:
I assume friendly until proven otherwise and am happy to see them

If I feel someone doesn't want me there:
I stop judging them as being snobby without proof, and assume friendly until proven otherwise,
Then I ask myself "Why so serious?"
Then I stop any desire to please them and ask myself "How can I enjoy myself here"

If I am angry over something small:
I find it humorous and think "why so serious??"

If someone is angry at me over something small:
I find it humorous and think "why so serious??"

If someone is angry at me over something important:
I be solution oriented and find win-win solution

If facing any difficulty in life:
I see it as a fun challenge

If I experience any failure in life:
I see it as a humorous screw up and a good learning experience

If I feel depressed:
I appreciate everything I do have that the less fortunate do not

The programing procedure will be as follows:
1) memorize the above list
2) At any point that I notice that I am not doing the conditions, I immediately correct myself
3) I mark the beginning of this on the calendar, and 
if at any time I am aware that Im breaking the conditions and don't correct myself immediately, 
then I declare it a failure and mark the failure date and then see how long I lasted for. Then I try again and try to beat my own record.

the combination of this programming with all my social outings should create rapid change


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Ok, i havent done anything in 4 days!! 
I need to do something!!
I just dont want to

but i gotta do something!!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, I went out for dinner with family on my birthday on friday, whoopidy do, big accomplishment, haha

and on saturday I went to the world water park with some friends, and i felt a bit anxious being in a swim suit with them all day, but I got over it , yay

then we all had dinner and babbled. I was having trouble remembering those subconsicious conditions up there^ while i was socializing. and when im socialing is when its most important to apply them!! so ill have to really memorize them.

but compared to previous outings, I felt muuuuuuch more comfortable after applying those conditions for a week 


the best way Ive found of realizing Im breaking them is if Im feeling any painful emotion like fear, sadness or anger. so ive learned to make corrective thinking immediately when i feel any of those


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

AJ, this is very inspiring. Keep up the good work.

I think I will try this once the things in my life are situated (job in the summer, school in the fall). Maybe not as much as you, but now I realize that in life, you need to contribute in order to receive.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

thanks


well i went to a law of attraction meetup alone, and it was all total strangers. everything was fine. Then my nose started running, so i made a break for it


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## rockst4r (May 4, 2009)

you're the man AJ! ;]


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

AJ, congrats on your successes! You are doing great  At least you gave the law of attraction meatup a chance. That can be really annoying when your nose starts running. I hate when I'm sick and that happens in class.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

daaah! havent dane anything in awhile

this isnt over though!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Ok, new policy:
socializing is the same as excersizing

I expect it to be painful, and thats ok
the more pain the more gain
it is a freakin chore and thats ok

who cares if almost everyone else finds it fun!


ok, now once i can get myself to agree with that and accept that, then i just need to get this workout plan going


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, thats it! I ve had it!!

Im gona put an end to this sa ****!!

me and some friends have formed a goal setting group where we all help each other achieve goals.

Im gona use this group support to give me the final push i need to beat this!!!


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

_AJ_ said:


> Ok, new policy:
> socializing is the same as excersizing
> 
> I expect it to be painful, and thats ok
> ...


I like the way you think 

That's great about the goal setting group. I hope it helps you to finally conquer sa. Wish I could form something like that in my area.


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## DanCilley (Jul 13, 2008)

AJ, this is very inspirational. This is the kind of enthusiasm needed to overcome SA. You are motivating me.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

one of the better threads...

good job

can i ask, are these people you are just randomly meeting, or are they long time friends/acquaintances?


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## Catlover4100 (Feb 10, 2009)

I especially like the one about proposing marriage to random strangers lol Good luck, you can do it!

My goals are slightly less ambitious haha! But I am getting my learner's permit and taking driver's ed (driver's ed is an SA thing, getting my permit is more of a symbolic achievement over my phobia of driving). I am also shadowing a veterinarian for a few days so I can ask for career advice, and doing community service for NHS.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

thanks everyone, I like reading these comments 



fallingdownonmyface said:


> one of the better threads...
> 
> good job
> 
> can i ask, are these people you are just randomly meeting, or are they long time friends/acquaintances?


they're part of a social anxiety group Ive been attending for a year, so they're friends

so i met up and did the goal setting thing yesterday, and one of the goals is to initiate conversation to one stranger every day, and make a phone or skype call everyday.

the objective: 
Become Socially Independent!
Characteristics of a socially independent person:
-They do not let fear stop them from approaching strangers
-They can go alone to a party or social gathering and enjoy themselves by interacting with others
-They can form close friendships and relationships without needing others to do it for them

The talking to a stranger is a fear-busting excersize
Calling someone is for conversation practice

so basically, ill just keep trying talk like its an excersize, and while doing the talking i will maintain a positive, relaxed, acepting, fun attitude about the whole thing. (like cbt+exp)

today:
I talked to the guy at macs and he responded quite nicely, which was unexpected to my negative thinking, it was fun having a little conversation.

I asked people on chat to skype, but they didnt want to, so I tried calling some people, but no one answered. so i ended up calling someone from the goal setting group, which is better than nothing. we didnt talk long, but we did talk, so yay!


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

> I asked people on chat to skype, but they didnt want to, so I tried calling some people, but no one answered. so i ended up calling someone from the goal setting group, which is better than nothing. we didnt talk long, but we did talk, so yay!


I'm not sure how calling from Canada to the US works, but I would answer if you called. I can't use skype, because I don't have a mic on my computer 

Congrats on continuing to stick with your goals!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

slylikeafox said:


> I'm not sure how calling from Canada to the US works, but I would answer if you called. I can't use skype, because I don't have a mic on my computer
> 
> Congrats on continuing to stick with your goals!


awesome! whats your skype name?

today I succeeded in my goals by:
talking to a different guy at macs, but this time I told some jokes and was funny, which was fun.

I called a different person from my SA crew today. she seemed to enjoy chatting with me, which is cool.

man, this is tuff, but i gotta stick to it
Im building a social muscle here


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I use the same name as on SAS, but can't speak on skype. I might be getting a new computer soon. Hopefully that one will have a mic or I'll buy one seperately.

Keep working those social muscles


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, what a weekend!

on saturday I met up with people from SAS

today I met up with some others 

yay


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## Omnium11 (Feb 11, 2009)

You have some serious balls AJ, I've been seriously contemplating doing something similar just haven't summoned up the courage yet. Very tempted to start toastmasters as thats one of my worst fears.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

yeah, my balls have their own gravity, haha 

yesterday I went to a bar and hung out with a buddy and we talked about ours goals and a little goal setting thing. It was so much fun! I cant believe I had "fun" at a bar!

today I went out with a beautiful girl.
I went to meet her at starbucks at 6pm, as planned and she wasnt there. I waited till 7:00 and she still didnt show. I forgot to put her cell number in my phone, so i was sitting there waiting for her to call and she didnt. I was sure I got stood up and then i remembered the library was nearby, so i went there and checked my email and got her cell number.

I called her and it turned out that there was two starbucks in the area and she was at the other one and she hadnt put my cell in her phone either!

so i met up with her, and wow! she was even prettier in person than in her photo. She was really easy to talk to, we talked for two hours without an awkward silence. 
I was so nervous , but i did it anyway!! yay!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Wow man...



See, this is what I'm always talking about....

Your doing it bro... it's not that bad... and your learning many great things that will all become clear in the future and be with you forever.


I'm almost jealous honestly because last I read one of your articles was like in October(?) and your already doing things that took me years!

Congrats! Life is a learning experience. Give yourself permission to be naive and try new things because you always start somewhere

Where are you meeting these women and how are you doing it? I'm curious.

Tomorrow I plan on going out to a dance club alone and just having some fun. Never done it before but I want to make it a weekly activity. I'd like to meet more women, sure, but I know that I need to learn how to rid myself of the "loner" stigma and enjoy mingling and breaking some more barriers


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

oh man, i need to take a break from all this for awhile


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

alright, break times over

time to put this technique to the test! --> 




I just went to the store and the technique seemed to work well. of course i dont have problems at the store.

Im going to the gym today , where i feel a bit more anxious. ill try the techinique there.

and then tonight I go to a bar for a friends farewell party! thats where I really put this to the test!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

so i went to the bar, sat there and socialized with people, danced with 3 different girls, rode a mechanical bull, went out for pizza with two girls afterwards. both of them wanted me to be their roomate, haha.

the techniqued worked quite well. it didnt turn me into a social butterfly, but it kept me from getting all anxious and wanting to get out of there. I was just being an observer, observing the people, observing the anxiety and just acccepting everything as is. so i was very calm and cool.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so last saturday i went out with a girl to a movie and coffee, then went out with her to the gym on tuesday.
I had coffee with another girl on wednesday.

then i just got bummed out and canceled everything from thursday till now and have just been going to work and then coming home and relaxing.

oh man, this feels like im draggin myself threw everything.
If i could just feel a desire for all this stuff somehow, i could achieve everything i want in a week.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

I had a revelation the other day:
I say I have SA because its a good excuse to avoid social situations and to avoid being weak.

for example, when I have to fight for my rights against someone, I dont. My justification for that my SA prevents me. cause thats less hurtful than knowing im weak.

when I want to make friends or form relationships, I don't. my justification is that I have SA , so 
"I can't have a fun conversation cause i have sa"

I also use laziness alot.
"Im too lazy to go out and meet people, Im too lazy to put the effort in to conversation"


but the thing is, it does hurt and there is painful anxiety to do these things! theres no doubt about that. BUT avoiding the real problem is not the answer.

so Im just gona face the real issue here! and that is that I am weak socially! I am weak compared to all these extroverted people i see. 

so when someone asks: "Why so quiet?"
my response: "cause Im weak, but I dont wanna be, so lets talk "


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, SAS meetup 2 is happening tomorrow, yay


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

_AJ_ said:


> ok, so last saturday i went out with a girl to a movie and coffee, then went out with her to the gym on tuesday.
> I had coffee with another girl on wednesday.
> 
> then i just got bummed out and canceled everything from thursday till now and have just been going to work and then coming home and relaxing.
> ...


Holy crap AJ... that's a lot of dates! Amazing! I have a hard time getting girls to do anything let alone what you did in one week! Anything special with them? Any chemistry? Where are you meeting these girls? Are they pretty? Info! Info! 

Also, how do you feel about doing all this social stuff? Is being social feel like work to you or are you truly enjoying yourself? Your doing some amazing things right now!

Sorry about all the questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to but I'm super curious...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

_AJ_ said:


> I had a revelation the other day:
> I say I have SA because its a good excuse to avoid social situations and to avoid being weak.
> 
> for example, when I have to fight for my rights against someone, I dont. My justification for that my SA prevents me. cause thats less hurtful than knowing im weak.
> ...


That's awesome, seriously. Being "weak" as an introvert does not mean your helpless. In fact, your willpower speaks for itself! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Astonishingly, even some extroverts think of themselves as shy at times. It's our choice to be either at any given time because we are neither concretely introverts nor extroverts if we take action. Our focus remains on our perceived "negative" aspects of ourselves, yet we can always use these emotions as something positive. We can turn our negatives into motivation, into learning, into confidence. My point is, as often as you may of heard this before, whether extroverted or introverted, we ALL are set on the same playing field with the same rules. Being introverted means you may have to work harder on the inside to do things but on the outside your amongst the same VIP's in the arena, and if you give yourself the chance to be in the same league you'll do just as well or better than anyone else because we are all on the same playing field. Your doing a great job AJ! Your achieving so much more than you know! I'm almost jealous about the girls, seriously... 

If I asked why someone was quiet and they told me because they felt weak I would instantly admire their honesty. It's refreshing to hear someone speak from their heart rather than what others want to hear.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

aw man, havent been on in awhile

Im been busy moving into my new place

its an apartment by whyte ave, the central party area in edmonton

and its all to myself! yay

we had a party here on saturday with people from SAS chat. was fun

oh ya, and this technique worked great for getting rid of anxiety 




but it doesnt make me any more social, Im just calm cool and relaxed. now i just gotta be extroverted somehow


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> Holy crap AJ... that's a lot of dates! Amazing! I have a hard time getting girls to do anything let alone what you did in one week! Anything special with them? Any chemistry? Where are you meeting these girls? Are they pretty? Info! Info!
> 
> Also, how do you feel about doing all this social stuff? Is being social feel like work to you or are you truly enjoying yourself? Your doing some amazing things right now!
> ...


I usually meet people online, but these i met in a bar and the other at the mall. 
being social does feel like work, but i am feeling a bit of fun, so all i focus on is that fun and its growing veeeerrrry slowly.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> That's awesome, seriously. Being "weak" as an introvert does not mean your helpless. In fact, your willpower speaks for itself! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Astonishingly, even some extroverts think of themselves as shy at times. It's our choice to be either at any given time because we are neither concretely introverts nor extroverts if we take action. Our focus remains on our perceived "negative" aspects of ourselves, yet we can always use these emotions as something positive. We can turn our negatives into motivation, into learning, into confidence. My point is, as often as you may of heard this before, whether extroverted or introverted, we ALL are set on the same playing field with the same rules. Being introverted means you may have to work harder on the inside to do things but on the outside your amongst the same VIP's in the arena, and if you give yourself the chance to be in the same league you'll do just as well or better than anyone else because we are all on the same playing field. Your doing a great job AJ! Your achieving so much more than you know! I'm almost jealous about the girls, seriously...
> 
> If I asked why someone was quiet and they told me because they felt weak I would instantly admire their honesty. It's refreshing to hear someone speak from their heart rather than what others want to hear.


yeah, Im out of shape socially, but i can get in shape, but i gotta figure out how the hard way cause theres no personal trainers for this


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, so im just gona summarize my plan for the next three months for my own records, and so that Im clear about it and so that I am held accountable

now that I have my own place, i can do many things! heres the plan:

1)
listen to all the good affirmations on my "think right now" cd's all day at home, and with headphones at work.
(source: http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/social-anxiety.asp)
now that I have my own place i can listen to it all day without embarrassment, and being a mailman means i can listen on my headphones all day.
it says stuff like:
"I welcome close relationships with other people 
I can quickly develop a rapport with almost anyone
I've replaced all fear of disapproval with confidence and courage
I have a great sense of humor about myself now
I'm free of all resistance to meeting people and making new friends.
I am very comfortable expressing my needs and desires
I can be myself and still be well-liked by others
I know being judged is part of life, so when it happens, I just let it go
Anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend"

so its non-stop good thoughts 

2)
use the self-therapy technique whenever in any social situation
(source: http://www.selftherapy.org)
its like just feeling the anxiety and acceptingg it and accepting the situation and not caring about it all, just acknowledge it and it slowly fades away

3)
hang out with SAS edmonton peeps and have fun. i now have a place to invite them over.
more fun = more attraction to the idea of hanging out with peeps

4)
cut off my family, the original source of the SA. having my own place works great for that. They were just making me wanna never talk to anyone ever and repelled from everyone. Im finding myself less and less repelled by people now

5)
use my own place to enhance fitness and nutrition. I only buy nutritious food, and have all this space to work out in! yay
ill keep doing this plan: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f10/abs-of-steel-round-2-fight-67984/

this will be done for three whole months and then a full report will be made right after halloween

the original plan was to charge into everything. the new plan is more about creating an attraction to people as opposed to rushing in, having a bad time and feeding the phobia of people


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've also found moving out of my dad's house helped me focus more on myself and the things I needed to accomplish. Good luck!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

damnit, i need a way to create an attraction to socializing with humans!!!

right now i got maximum repulsion!! the idea of talking to people makes me wanna throw up!! however, I seem to like typing....odd

anyways, lets use some patterning, nlp, conditioning, whatever stuff to create an attraction to this blah blah blah crap!

here we go!:

aaah socializing, such a beautiful joy it is! how i love to share my thoughts with people! its like that feeling when your ear pops releasing the pressure and relaxing and feeling goood. and i like joking around and laughing together, hahahaa. its so much fun, its like a pleasant warm feeling of closeness and happiness when you can find fun together and bond.


there, now after reading that, who among you wouldnt want to socialize!! who I say! who!


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

aahh, i how I love to meet new people! you never know what they're gona say or how they're gona be! the suspense is like picking a chance card in monopoly and seeing what you get! its like trying new food and seeing how it tastes! getting to know them is like drawing a picture, filling a blank page with everything your curious about! will they be friendly or not? what will they have in common? its so interesting to find out!


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## Gary (Oct 19, 2008)

awesome man, I find it funny that peopel actually freaked out on this thread all like "not even non-saers would do that why are you doign this?"

I dont know why even ask that question, the man is shooting for social excellence give him props, dont question it.

Mad resperect seriously.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

man, im just gona stick to 1on1 outings with sa people. everything else is way to hard.

not hard to do, but hard to do and achieve fun

im putting together a controlled plan to force fun to happen

the base of the conversation will be escalating small talk. By "escalating" i mean it will start with simple formal topics like the weather and move to more personal ones slowly and gradually.
some examples of escalating small talk topics are here:
http://searchwarp.com/swa45156.htm
the escalating small talk will be what I turn to when there is nothing else to say.

the escalating small talk will bring about a variety of different topics that can branch off into telling of experiences, thoughts and feelings relating to that topic.

and of course, theres tons of ways that these topics can be mocked to create humor. but there must be a serious topic to mock or else humor cant exist. even comedians need to start with a serious story before they mock it.

talking and listening must be equal, fun shall be achieved mainly threw humor, but also threw expression and curiousity satifaction.
junk food will be allowed on all social outings to add more to the fun.

positive attitude will be maintained by looking at good things. happy pills will be used to help

there can be no chance of being alienated due to everyone talking to each other and avoiding me, so 1on1 outings only.

if the fun is not controlled and forced to happen, then boring painful anxious experiences are guarenteed. Every boring painful anxious experience is a failure, regardless of what i achieve. Even if I were to go sing in front of the world, jump around naked in front of the president, go propose marriage to everyone i see and go to the bar and jump on the table and dance and scream obsenities and then at the end of the night I associate pain to the outing, then its a failure, because if I dont want to do it again and have associated pain to social outing, then SA grows stronger, period!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, I need to work on this goal myself. GL


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## roverred (Dec 23, 2007)

Great job Aj. You're always improving. 

You say you feel you are forcing yourself to be social. So do you feel like you are being yourself or forcing yourself to be the person you want to be? Also when you have anxiety, do you use positive thinking to counter thought or channel the energy into doing something kind of out there. Just curious to see what can work.

Keep it up man.


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## hihoum (Aug 22, 2009)

i advice you to do exposure technque....so you rate the anxiety level of each situation, then you'll start from least to most difficult situation....oce you can reduce anxiety in the first situation by 50%, you can pass to next action...


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

roverred said:


> Great job Aj. You're always improving.
> 
> You say you feel you are forcing yourself to be social. So do you feel like you are being yourself or forcing yourself to be the person you want to be? Also when you have anxiety, do you use positive thinking to counter thought or channel the energy into doing something kind of out there. Just curious to see what can work.
> 
> Keep it up man.


i feel like im forcing myself and i dont really get anxiety anymore
I just feel very bored trying to socialize
positive thinking feels fake
negativity feels real

but at least all this **** got rid of the anxiety, eh


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

my latest victory
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/sas-crew-goes-on-drunken-rampage-pics-and-video-70628/

yaaaa!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, I also find myself pretty bored in social situations. I've been reading a lot on this and one source suggests it may be our level of interest in the other person(s) in general. So I'm trying to discover what interests me about most people. I think sometimes we need to create a connection before we can have an interest. We need to let go of prejudices w/e those might be and look at what is fascinating about that person. Sometimes we aren't interested not because the person isn't interested but because we have cut them off for some reason. Well, that's my take at it anyways, but I still need to work on this myself. People were much more exciting when I was younger, but I’m not sure if that was because I had confidence or I was generally interested in those people or a combination of both, but I could literally have an exciting conversation with anyone of any age. Most of connecting with people has to do with how you make them feel; a connection with you.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I also find myself pretty bored in social situations. I've been reading a lot on this and one source suggests it may be our level of interest in the other person(s) in general. So I'm trying to discover what interests me about most people. I think sometimes we need to create a connection before we can have an interest. We need to let go of prejudices w/e those might be and look at what is fascinating about that person. Sometimes we aren't interested not because the person isn't interested but because we have cut them off for some reason. Well, that's my take at it anyways, but I still need to work on this myself. People were much more exciting when I was younger, but I'm not sure if that was because I had confidence or I was generally interested in those people or a combination of both, but I could literally have an exciting conversation with anyone of any age. Most of connecting with people has to do with how you make them feel; a connection with you.


holy crap, did you read my mind today! i was thinking this exact thing! its all about being genuinely interested and them returning it. I just find myself faking interest and i dont know why. I think its cause i feel like it doesnt matter anyway, they dont wanna get to know me


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

hihoum said:


> i advice you to do exposure technque....so you rate the anxiety level of each situation, then you'll start from least to most difficult situation....oce you can reduce anxiety in the first situation by 50%, you can pass to next action...


yes, im gona do this now

no more jumping to the heavy weights


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## Firecracker73 (Aug 21, 2009)

*good luck!*

Good luck brother! just keep this in mind- face your fears one at a time or you could have more added on top of the others.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, summer is pretty much over

so that concludes that

a few photos from some of my outings: http://s73.photobucket.com/albums/i228/rfdfgdfgdfssgd/

im just gona do stuff i enjoy now
no more testing my might


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, I'm in the same transition. I don't really feel like pushing myself too hard right now but rather enjoy myself and all the small things.

I've read somewhere else that you feel like you understand your very capable in social situations now. It's great to hear of your trials providing you with this new found confidence. I also had to discover this capability through the same manner. It’s always inspirational to hear of such success and I hope you continue to allow yourself to grow and learn more.

You've accomplished a lot! You should be very proud of yourself


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## DanCilley (Jul 13, 2008)

It is very good to see stuff like this...evidence of someone overcoming SA. Seeing the pictures makes me happy and very excited for you, AJ. I have been putting myself out there, too, lately. I started broadcasting myself on Blogtv.com. I did the show for 33 days straight, but then my throat has been sore due to too much talking, so I haven't done the show for the past few days. I'll probably do it only a few nights per week, and fewer hours each night.


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