# Anyone have Dr. Richards' CBT Tapes?



## cicada

I was wondering if anyone out there has the cognitive behavioral therapy tapes by Dr. Richards. I seem to have trouble sticking with the program and I think it would help if I had an online buddy who was also doing Dr. Richards' program. We could motivate and encourage each other to stick with it. Anyone interested?


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## Jess

*hey*

I don't but I am considering buying them, or possibly even doing the group therapy in chicago. I am really wondering, however, if anyone has gone to it and what their experience was. Please let me know if you know of anyone that did this!


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## banaan

Count me in! When do we start?


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## cicada

This week? How about today?


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## banaan

Ok, so we'll tackle the first tape this evening and discuss/apply it during the next week?


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## darknightt

heyy....count me in on this.


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## banaan

I've just finished listening to the first tape. I've made a little summary of it to help with reviewing the material since I don't have those hand-outs myself either ops. You can find it below.

Tape 1 is only an introductory tape and doesn't yet discuss any specific CBT techniques. I propose we also listen to tape 2 this week, otherwise we won't be able to practice. Is that ok for everybody?



Code:


Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step
Summary of Session 1

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is also known as Social Phobia.
One of the biggest mental health care problems in the world; affects 7 to 8% of the population.

Method for overcoming SAD used in these tapes: Comprehensive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CCBT).
Persistence and practice are imperative in overcoming SAD!
Important: set aside 30 uninterrupted minutes a day to practice.

Main Symptoms of SAD:
Self-consciousness 
Feeling of being on display
Disliking introducing yourself
Disliking public speaking
Inhibited in social situations, even when wanting to say something
Not knowing what to say in social situations

Physical symptoms:
Accelerated heart-beat
Excessive sweating 
Tightening of muscles (neck, face)
Facial freezing
Flushing
Gastro-intestinal distress
Breathing difficulties
Eye-contact problems
Shaking hands
Swallowing problems
Zoning out when anxiety becomes too much
Body dysmorphias

Most important symptom: constant fear while in social situations!
This fear is the cause of the physical symptoms.

History of SAD:
Least-known and understood anxiety disorder.
No definitive research published on SAD until 90s.
CCBT has proved to be an effective technique for overcoming SAD.

Skills we will be learning:
Stopping and controlling negative thinking.
Slowing down and reducing anxiety.
Seeing ourselves more realistically.
Being assertive when needed.
Controlling thoughts and feelings.
Approaching situations more realistically and rationally.
Important: go slowly, steadily, step by step.

SAD typically hits in the late teenage years.
Why does SAD occur? Hereditary component, though environmental factors seems to be most important. Childhood trauma is common (being teased, negative households). Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is fertile breeding ground for SAD.

CCBT works without having to figure out every last detail of our past.
Analyzing the past often causes more depression and anxiety while it doesn't necessary provide a way of overcoming SAD. The focus in CCBT is on the present: finding solutions to SAD.

Every person falls along a SAD continuum from specific (eg: only work-related situations) to generalized (fear in all social situations). CCBT can be used for all gradations of SAD, but requires more patience and persistence for the difficult cases.

CBT specifics:
Cognitive aspect: we'll learn to think more realistically and rationally, improve self-esteem and self-confidence. Continually reinforce this to the brain so it registers deeply, on a unconscious level.
Behavioral aspect: doing things in everyday life. Move slowly, step by step.

Keys to success:
Repetition
Reinforcement
Reprogramming

Important: tapes should be listened to in order.
Pace: each tape is designed to take one week. Don't go faster, daily reinforcement is imperative because we are reconditioning the brain.


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## perfectlycalm

count me in as well, since I have the tape set, it's just been sitting there for months. I got to tape 7 or so and frusterated myself into STOPPING. But whats the point in that, I sure paid enough for it, so I might as well get something out of it. 

Although my method has been working without the tapes, I'm really on the fence about if the tape set is good for helping SA. I have my methods as well, if you'd like to hear my methods I'll share them with you.


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## banaan

perfectlycalm said:


> Although my method has been working without the tapes, I'm really on the fence about if the tape set is good for helping SA. I have my methods as well, if you'd like to hear my methods I'll share them with you.


Sure, I'm very interested, please explain!


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## perfectlycalm

banaan said:


> perfectlycalm said:
> 
> 
> 
> Although my method has been working without the tapes, I'm really on the fence about if the tape set is good for helping SA. I have my methods as well, if you'd like to hear my methods I'll share them with you.
> 
> 
> 
> Sure, I'm very interested, please explain!
Click to expand...

1- I keep a journal, or what I'd like to call a list. I call it a list because thats all it really is, it doesn't go into emotions or why I felt this or even track the level of my anxiety. All it really is, is a list of successes. My entries never describe my anxiety in it, and I never get into the past. It just states what I did, where I was and what day it was. I feel there is no need to make things complicated. By trying to figure out why my anxiety isn't controlled and what do I need to do to fix it just aggravates my motivation and stirs up frustration. When I write down what accomplishment I did, thats all I do so I can give myself credit. Imagine trying to figure out that stuff, how can you give yourself credit when you do accomplish things? If you say, "I did great, BUT it wasn't good enough and I had terrible anxiety and these are all the things I need to do" it doesn't leave room for you to be glad of what you did do. It just doesn't help to complicate things. This has been very helpful for me, cause if I think about trying something new but am afraid I can't do it, I can look into my list of things that I know I have done and remind myself that if I could do that then I can do this, it's like a reference book to recharge my confidence when it is low.

2- I don't make goals, I make ideas. When something comes to my mind that I should try and face, I don't put it into a goal. That way there is no pressure on me to get done by a certain time, if I never do it then it doesn't leave me frustrated and disappointed because I never had any real plans that were concrete. The word "goal" is pretty pressuring for me and I never end up doing them. But when I allow myself the chance to do it at my own pace I either find out that it was too hard of an "idea" or it was not the right situation for me just yet, so I can move on to the next "idea" and replace "ideas" and never have a commitment or negative feelings when I go do something else that is more fitting for me to face. I don't think it matters what you face as long as you take some sort of action facing something. The "ideas" that I think up are like goals with no bad consequences, no emotional consequences, I find that if I allow myself to know that I can change them anytime I like, that I am more likely to want to either set another "idea" or tell myself that I have the option to face this now. I say to myself, "I can drag this on or face this or not face it and do something else." I don't want to find myself frustrated because I wasn't comfortable with a goal, the last thing you need is frustration and SA.

3-I let my motivation surface and show itself, if you feel that you can handle something, just do it, don't hold yourself back for other reasons besides SA. Do things on a spur of the moment if you have to, this helps me avoid the anticipatory anxiety, then once I realize that I can do something there will be less anticipatory anxiety and then that way it will be a less of an issue for that one thing you know you can do. This is why goal setting was a problem for me, if I write it down, and it sits there on the paper, it haunts me for days weeks, I won't focus right and I'll get too scared, I'll never get around to actually doing it. Keeping it to something I want to accomplish and something that I might try has done a lot for me. It's just an "idea".

4-breathing techniques- yes this is helpful, in fact very helpful, but in social situations I tend to over analyze, so I don't work on breathing techniques in social situations, I just check in if I want to, but thinking about breathing right tends to put focus on something that may have not been a problem until I thought about it. So what I do is use breathing techniques for my generalized anxiety to calm down at home. And it helps me to more automatically breathe right in social situations.

These are some, if I think up more I'll post them. The most helpful thing for me to do was not CBT, my own plan is to go as simple as possible with my recovery, I don't feel there is this huge need to dig into thinking about our thoughts deeply. The more you analyze your thoughts the more time you spend thinking about negative irrational thoughts. To tell you the truth I don't want to spend more time on them, I ordered myself to stop saying "I can'ts" this was huge, I ordered myself to limit or stop "what if's" too. You don't need to figure out which thoughts are irrational as much as you think you do, if you drop the "I can'ts" totally and limit "what if's" then you will improve dramatically, there is almost no analyzing involved with this, it's simple and makes a big difference.

I thought up another one I do:
5- I feel like CBT is discussing irrational thoughts, I feel there is no way I need to discuss this, it's a waste of time, I should have confidence in what I believe, when I discuss whats irrational and whats not it makes me feel like I'm an idiot with no plan or stand on my own issues. So I try to keep out of a discussion, if there is an argument with irrational thinking going on in my mind I say to myself, "this is not up for discussion" I will not argue with an irrational thought, I know I don't like them, I know I shouldn't listen to them so why do I need to ask how much I believe the irrational thought. I firmly say, "I will not discuss this"

6- when you are in situations give yourself options, do not force yourself. Remind yourself of your options, sometimes I forget that, yeah, I could do this or I could face this. My whole life I automatically didn't face situations, so I forget sometimes that I can do something if I want to. Thats what makes this different this time, I actually have the options. A lot of times when I offer myself options when I start to panic in malls and stuff I actually don't leave when I had planed to run away. I tell myself, "I have the option to stay here, or leave or leave and not feel frustrated or stay here and face my fears. You could leave, but why not just stay, you are already here, why don't you just stay here and finish your goal, why walk all the way out to the car and then come all the way back in here, gee thats a lot of walking" I'll have conversations with myself, sometimes humor in what I say in my mind to show how stupid and how irrational something was, I like to make a fool out of untrue thoughts. I like the entertainment and I like to boss around and tease and humiliate irrational thoughts, I love bullying them around when I can.


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## perfectlycalm

With the dr. Richards tapes, I don't like the following just his plan routine, I'm creating my own plan as you can see. If I listen to the tapes again it will be for different reasons than before. This time I'd like to change around how things are done in the tape set. Maybe I already have, maybe thats where I got some of my ideas from. I'd like alternatives to a lot of the stuff he has us do on the tapes, so we all should not be afraid to offer alternatives to the stuff on the tapes. I'm sure the tapes can help us with being creative. His tapes are a bit boring, and I'm sure that modifying the techniques would be even better for all of us.


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## cicada

I agree with Perfectlycalm about the value of keeping a journal. I seem to make the most progress when I am regularly writing in a journal. For me, however, it helps tremendously to write down my maladaptive (for me) thoughts and to analyze them. One book that has helped me a great deal is "Dying of Embarrassment". It discusses in detail how to recognize maladaptive thoughts (what Dr. Richards calls Automatic Negative Thoughts) and how to counter them with healthier thoughts and beliefs. 

It is very important for me to be able to recognize exactly what I'm thinking and visualizing during and after an anxiety-provoking social situation. For example, I have a tendency to assume that a person's demeanor towards me is always a result of what they think of me. If I talk to someone and they have a serious look on their face and answer me in a flat tone of voice, I tend to automatically assume they hate me and I get anxious around them. I have learned from experience that it usually is not a result of what they think of me. Writing down healthier more realistic thoughts to to counter my automatic negative thoughts helps me to see very concretely why my initial perceptions might be wrong. It is also there for future reference.

Anyway, this is just another way to deal with SA that has worked for me in the past. We all are different, so different techniques will work better for different people. 

Breathing exercises have also been helpful for me. I just need to start doing them more consistently. 

I'll get started on tape #2.


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## cicada

I am planning on using a combination of the CBT tapes and techniques out of the book "Dying of Embarrassment". I was just noticing that Dr. Richards ANT stoppage techniques on tape 2 only would be feasible when you are having automatic negative thoughts while you're alone. Like I'm actually going to say "Stop!" out loud when I am having the ANTS in a public place, and I certainly won't be singing! Also, he doesn't go into a lot of detail about what is considered a negative thought. He just says to tell yourself that your feelings are not rational. Having read the section in "Dying of Embarrassment" about maladaptive thoughts has really helped me to identify ANTS when I have them. 

I am also going to try to walk for at least 30 minutes, or stair step for 15 minutes at least 3 times a week. 

Hey, I practiced slow talk today! How is everyone else doing?


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## banaan

> I was just noticing that Dr. Richards ANT stoppage techniques on tape 2 only would be feasible when you are having automatic negative thoughts while you're alone. Like I'm actually going to say "Stop!" out loud when I am having the ANTS in a public place, and I certainly won't be singing!


I was thinking the exact same thing while listening  Do you know of any other ways to break the vicious cycle that do work well in public?



> Also, he doesn't go into a lot of detail about what is considered a negative thought. He just says to tell yourself that your feelings are not rational. Having read the section in "Dying of Embarrassment" about maladaptive thoughts has really helped me to identify ANTS when I have them.


Good point. It seems to me we should be practicing our social skills as well as overcoming the anxiety itself. You need both competence and confidence to succeed, don't you think? However, is there really any way to improve social skills other than forcing yourself to partake in lots of social situations?



> I am also going to try to walk for at least 30 minutes, or stair step for 15 minutes at least 3 times a week.


Great idea! I've decided to take up Judo again after 6 year of inactivity.



> Hey, I practiced slow talk today! How is everyone else doing?


Listened to the second tape yesterday. Here's the summary:



Code:


Overcoming Social Anxiety, Step by Step
Summary of session 2

Objective of CCBT: see yourself and situations around us more rationally and realistically.

Again, changing thinking habits takes times: consistency, patience, persistence and practice are very important.

We know our feelings about the world can be irrational.
Catch negative thinking and turn it around.
Multiple methods to do this.
This way, we break cycle of negative thinking, beliefs and expectations.

Essentially, we have a conflict between the cognitive and emotional parts of our brain. We know these anxiety-inducing feelings are not rational, but cannot help being influenced by them.

Repetition is most important in this stage.
It is important to be calm and relaxed while practicing, otherwise the information won't reach the brain as easily as it should.

How and when to practice:
1. It is important you become familiar with the strategies you're learning before you begin applying it in real life.
2. The therapy you're learning doesn't need to be beat into the ground.
3. Reading over your papers and notes is a great way to remind your brain what you're doing.
4. CCBT is helluva great therapy. Repetition and persistence make permanent changes in people's lives.
5. Persistence is imperative
6. Medication doesn't permanently alter brain chemistry. The only way to permanently change brain pathways is reprogramming. It takes 45 to 50 days of repetition before your brain pick up the habit.

First CBT technique: SLOW-TALK
Makes message easier to understand.
Slow down speaking pace a little bit; the brain has to slightly slow down its thinking too. This forces you to really think about the things you're saying.
Feeling of being more in control, more focused.
Benefits: easier to remain calm, prevents anxiety from rising.

Don't use in the real world the first week!
Practice slow talk for 10 minutes a day. Read the 'Short Statements' handout out loud in slow-talk.
Then, use slow-talk while talking to a friend. Then, gradually use in more anxious situations.

Second CBT technique: CHANGING NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS
Negative thought patterns often prove to be self-fulfilling prophecies.
1. Notice when you have ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
2. Make an out-loud verbal statement to yourself to make your brain realize you don't want these ANTs. E.g: say STOP! and visualize a big stop sign in your head. Say these ANTs are not healthy or helpful to you and go do something interesting, active, engaging to get your mind off these negative thoughts. Use distractions: e.g: sing, hum a positive song. These distractions are only an aid until we can stop ANTs using our thoughts alone. I.e, we will replace ANTs by positive thoughts.

Third CBT Technique: RATIONAL COPING STATEMENTS 
Read 3 to 4 'rational coping statements' out loud in slow-talk.
Copy these statements on flashcards.
Make a recording of yourself reading them in slow-talk and play it back every day.

TODO: practice these 3 techniques for 10 minutes (each) every day during the next week.

PS: I'd really appreciate it if anyone could copy a few of those rational coping statements/short statements on the board.


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## cicada

Here are some things that have worked for me in the past when I've had to deal with SA in public. If I knew beforehand I was going to be put in an anxiety-provoking situation then I could prepare. Sometimes taking a few deep breaths helped. I would also go over in my head what I needed to say. I would try to visualize myself being able to handle the situation instead of visualizing myself making a fool of myself. If I had more time I would try to do some aerobic activity like climbing flights of stairs or doing jumping jacks in the restroom. This technique has served me well when I have had job interviews to go to. Fifteen minutes before my interview I'd do a few minutes of aerobic activity. Even fast walking works. Of course, you don't want to do so much that you get all sweaty! 

The only problem is that many times we find ourselves in anxiety-provoking social situations without any time to prepare. You can try to remember to breathe and slow talk, but this is a habit that has to be developed through lots of practice because anxiety tends to make us forget to do those things in the moment. 

When I have had unforeseen social anxiety disasters it has helped me to write down what happened and how I felt. I then go through and write down what I thought the other person was thinking about me, and what I was thinking about myself. Then I identify my maladaptive thinking that led to those thoughts. After that, I write down a more realistic way to look at things. I also write down what I can do better if a similar situation arises in the future. Most likely I'll still feel somewhat embarrassed even after writing down a more realistic way to think about what happened. It helps for me to look at the situation as a learning experience.


I think it is very important to actually get out there and put yourself into social situations that cause you anxiety if you are ready. I find myself feeling a little frustrated with the pace of the CBT tapes, and I will probably go a little faster on some things. I feel like I am at a point where I can put myself in certain social situations that cause me anxiety as long as I prepare. 

I think we are all at different levels of how social anxiety affects our lives. In my case, I still have a lot of SA in many different social situations, but I am able to function out in society with some effectiveness. For instance, I am able to function alright in job interviews. I still have to do a lot of preparation beforehand, and deal with strong anxiety immediately preceding the interview, but I am able to get through it effectively. I can also make small talk with new acquaintances, but when a relationship starts heading for a close friendship I start having all sorts of trouble with anxiety, and the end result is it is rare for me to form close friendships. 

Some people have such severe SA it is hard for them to even go out in the world. For them it may be beneficial to go at the pace that Dr. Richards suggests. For me, on the other hand, I feel the need to go ahead and make some goals for social interactions. 

Here is my first one. In February I am going to look for a part-time job. I feel avoidance towards this so to prepare I am going to get out my list of possible interview questions and practice answering them in slow talk. I am also going to learn about the different companies that I want to apply to. I'll also visualize myself sitting there in the interviewer's office and appearing calm, friendly, and competent. All of these have helped me in the past so my level of avoidance is much less than what I experienced when I first started going to job interviews. The fact I have had lots of experience with many different types of interviews also helps. So, experience in actual social situations has been very helpful to me. I was only able to be successful in job interviews because I did so much preparation before hand.


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## banaan

Thanks for the suggestions and good luck with your new goal!

Personally, I do have lots of trouble to engage in conversations. The people themselves don't really scare me that much, it's the fact that most of the time I have absolutely no clue about what to say. My ability to smalltalk is almost non-existent. I dislike my voice, do not enunciate clearly, talk too quiet and too fast: often people don't understand what I'm trying to say. Additionally, I'm not 'witty', 'interesting' or 'funny' or anything remotely resembling that. 

Oops, STOP! *visualizes big red stop sign*  

The problem is, I can't really deny it, even when I think I'm looking rationally at my abilities. Compared to most other people I'm a dull boring loser :sigh


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## chocs_away

hello banna 

i use to think i was dull and boring to, but now i know it is my sa that is getting in the way, i have seen many people throughout my some what of a sheltered that say **** all but are more than happy about there life, and no one every speaks about them un a negative way. 

its how you feel about your self that is portrayed to other people. thats the beauty of doing these tapes slowly you start to become more comfortable in your own skin. what if you had never had these obessive thoughts about being boring, unwitty, uninteresting, do you think you could then give yourself half a chance at having a conversation. i started these tapes before and got up to about tape 7 but got complacent and stopped. to be honest during that time i felt better than i had in my whole life. 

count me in guys i think we can all help each other but yes it will take alot of commitment.


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## banaan

Chocs_away, thanks for the encouragement, and nice of you to join the group!

By the way, how's it going for everybody?


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## perfectlycalm

You guys talked about working on the Dr. Richards tapes together online in this forum. But it seems that nothing really happened.

I was doubtful about the tapes, and still am, but I would like to give them another shot. Maybe for each tape number we could start a different thread so that way it could stay more organized? it's just a thought

I'm feeling alone in this recovery, probably cause I am, all I have for social anxiety support is this website. There is virtually no social anxiety groups in my area.

I'd look forward to discussing the tapes every week, if you guys feel up to the challenge? 

The last time I was using the series I was up to something like tape 7, actually now that I think about it maybe my problem with the tape series is that I was prepared for more action taking, and I'm assuming that the first half of the set doesn't really get into that. So maybe thats why I got frustrated. I'm pretty ready for action taking so I'd like to find out if any of the tapes get into that. So the only way to find out I guess is to review the first tapes I did and then move on to the next one, and try to keep at it without stopping.

What stopped me the last time was the tape on relaxation, I simply couldn't use his method of relaxing. It frustrated me, and I'd like to try something else for that, because I just don't like that tape.

I'm going to do the tapes anyway, either you guys are with me or not, either way I'm not waiting around anymore.


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## banaan

Sorry for replying a bit late, but I am willing to go over the tapes again with you, perfectlycalm. I like your idea of devoting a single thread to each tape. I hope I'm up to the challenge. Do let me know something if you're still interested. (Offer is open to anyone else too, of course).


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## jeffkansas

I have the tapes too and would love to discuss them with some others. I have had trouble doing the therapy as well, although I don't blame this particular therapy, I have some other books and have just had difficulty doing any kind of therapy on a daily basis, it's stop and go. yeah I did not like the relaxation tape, but I guess it's easy enough to skip that. I think I'm finished tape 5 or something, maybe a little further I need to check.


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## jeffkansas

I forgot to add that I have actually met Dr Richards as well. Last summer. I have been wanting to get through more of the therapy so I could email him and let him know how I'm doing, unfortunately I have no progress to report so far. He is a nice guy, it was nice to meet a therapist who actually understands SA and specializes in it. The few I'd seen before I felt didn't know what to do with me. Anyway you may also know that Dr Richards has CBT group therapy in Arizona, which sounds great, but to make that commitment is a big one and I am not at that stage yet. He has sold me on the idea of group therapy though, if I could find a group where I live, I think it could be really helpful. But that seems 'advanced' and I just want to get through the tape series and make some improvement from my current bad state and then go on to that. 

I also see that he has the series in CD now, and it sucks because I have the tapes and CDs would have been so much better. haha, oh well.


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## Veggie1

jeffkansas:


> I also see that he has the series in CD now, and it sucks because I have the tapes and CDs would have been so much better. haha, oh well.


I got the tapes three years ago before CDs were available. One advantage to the tapes is that I liked to hear something over and over again, like a phrase he just said or story he just told, and I think that it's easier to just rewind a tape to exactly where you want it. But then, again, maybe I'm wrong. I'm not aware of being able to do this on CDs but I have a small selection of CDs, rarely listen to them, and only use my sound system to play them on. The darn newfangled music disks these days. :b

I got as far as tape 6 or 7 back then, then quit when I became ar about people hearing me through the walls of my apartment (I could sometimes hear them). However, I did use the slow talk and it did help me back then. So did the relaxation tape. How cool to have actually met Dr. Richards! I plan to move to Arizona this May (I'm moving somewhere, so either there or California) and join Dr. Richards' local group, the 14-week one, but that won't start until this fall. I need to contact him, though, which I haven't worked up the courage to do, yet. Where I live now is a really noisy little dump and you really can hear everything through the walls, the floor, the ceiling, etc. I can't imagine trying to talk out loud (more than I normally do) in this awful place but hope to get going on tapes again after I move from here. I don't regret buying the set at all.


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## AlekParker

What ever happened to this thread? Did anyone make other threads for the other tapes? I got this program about a week ago and already listened up to tape 7 just because I already understand a lot of the automatic negative thoughts stuff (ANTs) and have a lot of free time on my hands to read the handouts etc. As someone above said, everyone is at different levels and I feel like I will just breeze through the beginning tapes because they are kind of slow. 

I'll keep updating as my progress goes through. So far I believe in a lot of the stuff the CBT states, I'm stopping myself from doig ANTs (but sometimes it's hard to even recognize that i'm talking to myself negatively, he doesn't explain this well) 

Anyways, at least i'm being proactive about this. I've been excercising more and socializing with friends several times a week (even though i feel the SAD symptomss).


EDIT:
Ps: about the slow talk... i think the way Dr. Richards talks is VERY boring. He could try talking slow, but use better voice tone and fluctuate it more enthusiastically. I want to give you guys advice here: if you guys practice talking slow as he says to, it does calm you down, BUT you must also try to fluctuate and add emotions to your voice. I read a book on communication and it says that what you actually say is only 15 percent of what is communicated then about 25 percent is VOICE TONE and 60% is bodylanguage. I'm not exactly sure about the numbers but this is an approximation.


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## AlekParker

*notes*

I've attatched some notes below as to some of the stuff I've gone over in the past 10 days having this program. These notes are very brief, but give the gist of what the program is about.



> Tape 1 B
> repetition, reinforcement, reprogramming
> Retrain brain. - CBT is comprehensive. it will be internalized.
> **listen to ONE tape per week?
> pace yourself and do it slowly to internalize it. this is same wih learning PU.
> 
> Tape 2 A
> Slow talk
> Tape 2 B
> ANTs auto negative thoughts. Say to yourself STOP then picture a red stop sign. Then out loud say :
> "Hey, wait a minute! I'm having those thoughts again that are not good for me. These thoughts are not healthy or helpful. They always lead me in the wrong direction. I'm going to break up those negative thoughts by finding some interesting distraction that I can do."
> distract your mind from thinking of the neg thought. ie: singing
> Rational Coping Statements:
> general:
> Anxiety is not dangerous - it's just uncomfortable. I am fine; I'll just continue with what I'm doing or find something more active to do.
> I've stopped my negative thoughts before and I'm going to do it again now. I am becoming better and better at deflecting these ANTs and that makes me happy.
> before stress:
> I've done this before so I know I can do it again.
> When this is over, I'll be glad that I did it.
> during stress:
> I can be anxious and still focus on the task at hand. As I focus on the task, my anxiety will go down.
> At first, anxiety was powerful and scary, but as time goes by, it doesn't have the hold on me that I once thought it had. I am moving forward gently and nicely.
> 
> Practice
> Slow talking
> 
> 1: Say STOP
> 2: distract yourself from auto-neg-thinking
> 3: go over Rational Coping statements
> 
> don't expect perfection right away. it's a slow process of long term thinking pattern change. take it easy&#8230;
> 
> Tape 3 A
> ANTS Handout :17:22
> Tape 3 B
> This Week
> 1 continue Slow Talk -try using w/ other people
> 2 continue read Rational Coping statements -every day.
> 3 Ant's Handout read in slow talk - every day
> 4. Ants Convention
> 5 Relaxation Audio
> 
> TAPE 5
> Fighting Paradox - catch youself w/ anxiety and instead of FIGHTING it you calm it and cool it off. It's days are numbers do not approach anxiety w/ negative emotions like anger, pity, stress etc. Just avoid the negative emotions. Accept that anxiety is around now, but we are persisting and practicing to diminish anxiety and it will over time.
> 
> TAPE 6
> Attitudes Handout - every day
> How you see yourself in the world Handout
> 
> Attitudes:
> WHO CARES?
> SO WHAT?
> WHY AM I DWELLING ON THIS?
> I'M TIRED OF MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL!
> I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN WORRY ABOUT THIS!
> IT'S NO BIG DEAL!
> 
> we see ourselves in a more neg light then others see. What you believe and expect occurs.
> I am viewing myself and my world incorrectly. I need to rethink what I believe about life.
> What I give out comes back.
> 2 choices: dwell on probs and avoid in depression OR choose to start responding to life positively. TODAY is the present. We CAN Change. It's a choice. Decision.
> This week
> 
> stop beating urself up, don't get down. just take it easy and be nice to yourself.
> 
> TAPE 7
> REVIEW:
> Attitudes:
> SO what, Who cares? Why am I dwelling on this? Why am I making a mountain out of a molehill. I've got better things to do than worry about this. It's NO big deal!
> -actually FEEL these emotions when you SAY them
> How you see yourself: The way you act and behave - is you. New thoughts create new neural pathways physically in the brain. This is all logical rational thinking that I should incorporate into myself.
> 
> NO ONE ELSE NOTICES YOUR SOCIAL ANXIETY. I LOOK, TALK ETC NORMAL. If they do it's small and insignificant. WE FEEL IT"S STRONGER THEN IT COMES OFF. It isn't noticeable to others.
> 
> Maybe, People don't notice my fears as much as I think they do.
> Maybe, I don't embarrass myself as much as I think?
> 
> READ: Turning the Tables on the ANTs #1
> Acceptance handout
> 
> This Week
> *Keep up SLOW TALK
> *keep reading ANTs HANDOUT
> *Re-Read the FIGHTING paradox re-read *ATTITUDES
> Re-read *Turning Tables & **Acceptance Handouts


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## tuna

I'm on tape 8. My goal of listening to these tapes again is to fully understand and learn the cognitive strategies and get them deep down into my brain. I believe the cognitive aspect is very important to recovery, even more so than the behavioral because in order to get over this you need a sound mind. Accomplishing the behavioral components happens fairly quickly. It's the cognitive part that takes more time because it takes longer for your brain's new neural pathways to fully develop. 

This week I caught a couple of my ANTS and turned them around. A couple of times I was about to become depressed but I caught them and prevented a bout of depression. 

I've also decided to do some form of cardio everyday to release the excessive anxiety. Plus it makes me feel good and more motivated to do things.

Alek: Are you reading the ANTs handout everyday? That helped me to identify all the different kinds of ANTs so when I did have them I realized what they were and stopped them. Usual times when you should look out for ANTs would be before an anxiety-causing situation ("what ifs", "I can'ts"), during the situation ("they think I'm stupid/boring/ugly" "I sound or act weird, immature, stupid, boring, strange"), and after the situation ("why did I do/say that", "they don't like me", "I acted like a dork", analyzing your's and the other person's every move and word). Any kind of catastrophic thoughts, worrying, perfectionistic thoughts, hopelessness, and feelings of anxiety are also ANTs. I hope that helps.


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## AlekParker

Hey tuna that's awesome to hear that you're starting the tapes again. I TOTALLY agree that we have to change our cognitive minds and how we process the world around us BEFORE we are able to really excel socially. I've been putting myself in a lot of high pressure social situations for years now, and thinking about them differently will definitely help instead of just forcing myself to do things. Exposure is definitely necessary, but we have to change the way we think as well. It's really all about positivity and exposure...

Yes I have been reading the ANTs handout almost everyday. It has defintitely helped me pick out negative thoughts , and i've been catching them and trying to eliminate them as much as i can. I'm definitley having problems during the situations especially when i'm overwhelmed. It's like i think inside my head so much that sometimes i can't communicate and i come off the wrong way in some social situations. Yeah it's good to recognize that worrying, hoplessness etc are also negative thoughts.

I'm very hopeful about this. I've been working on positivity, self growth, and self development intensely for the past year. I've just been doing these tapes for 3 wks, but i will continue them until i get through all 14 wks.


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## tuna

Before the situation, try and catch your ANTs and turn them around so your anticipatory anxiety will lessen and in turn will lessen your anxiety during the situation. This is when you want to try and reduce your anxious feelings as much as you can by turning your thoughts around, saying or thinking the attitudinal statements (so what?, who cares?), using your key relaxation word, and if you can do some form of physical activity to burn off the adrenaline and cortisol. If you reduce your anticipatory anxiety, then it will be easier to feel some sort of control during the situation. 

During the situation, you should stay external and focus on what the other person is saying and doing. Don't try to catch your ANTs and turn them around during the situation because this will cause you to go internal again, which is so easy for us to do, and make you more anxious. You don't want to listen to the lies, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed because your anxiety will rise. Plus if you go internal during the situation, you won't be listening to what is going on around you which will make it harder for you to contribute and make you even more anxious because you don't know what's going on. Just focus on the task, whatever it may be, and do it. Ignoring the ANTs when you're feeling anxious in the situation is another way of turning them around.

After the situation, tell yourself you were successful because you did something that causes you anxiety. Don't judge your performance or focus on any perceived mistakes. Just say "I succeeded in accomplishing a task that is hard for me to do". Then move on and don't think about it. If it's hard to just stop thinking about it at first, use your distractions to help you.

This whole process takes alot of practice but it feels great when you're actually able to do it automatically.


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## AlekParker

tuna said:


> Before the situation, try and catch your ANTs and turn them around so your anticipatory anxiety will lessen and in turn will lessen your anxiety during the situation. This is when you want to try and reduce your anxious feelings as much as you can by turning your thoughts around, saying or thinking the attitudinal statements (so what?, who cares?), using your key relaxation word, and if you can do some form of physical activity to burn off the adrenaline and cortisol. If you reduce your anticipatory anxiety, then it will be easier to feel some sort of control during the situation.
> 
> During the situation, you should stay external and focus on what the other person is saying and doing. Don't try to catch your ANTs and turn them around during the situation because this will cause you to go internal again, which is so easy for us to do, and make you more anxious. You don't want to listen to the lies, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed because your anxiety will rise. Plus if you go internal during the situation, you won't be listening to what is going on around you which will make it harder for you to contribute and make you even more anxious because you don't know what's going on. Just focus on the task, whatever it may be, and do it. Ignoring the ANTs when you're feeling anxious in the situation is another way of turning them around.
> 
> After the situation, tell yourself you were successful because you did something that causes you anxiety. Don't judge your performance or focus on any perceived mistakes. Just say "I succeeded in accomplishing a task that is hard for me to do". Then move on and don't think about it. If it's hard to just stop thinking about it at first, use your distractions to help you.
> 
> This whole process takes alot of practice but it feels great when you're actually able to do it automatically.


OK to sum it up:

Before the interaction-
-Eliminate ANTs thinking
-Relax
-Change your attitude about the situation
-Distract yourself from thinking about it

During the interaction-
-focus externally
-focus on the other person or task

After the interaction-
-Reward yourself for the interaction itself.
-Don't over scrutinize the situ

Awesome thanks. I think i was kind of thinking too much during the situation. I really need to focus on the external. A lot of times i just clam up and can't think of anything when i'm in the situ then afterwards I think back and think a lot "if only i had done this...etc"


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## tuna

Yea you got it, Alek. Everyone with social anxiety beats themselves up mentally before, during, and after social situations. It's no wonder we don't get better, even though we expose ourselves to our fears. I remember I had a real hard time with focusing on other people/task and not analyzing everything to death afterwards because I was so used to going inside my head and critiquing every movement and sound I made. I still have a hard time focusing during the situation but I've gotten pretty good at stopping my ANTs before and after a situation. Just keep practicing and you'll get it.

On tape 8, he talks about not pressuring yourself to be or not be a certain way because it just makes you even more anxious. I have a hard time with this because I try to not be nervous or to not show nervousness because it makes me feel that others will attack me when they see me in a weak state. I also feel very uncomfortable showing any signs of weakness to anyone, family, friend, stranger, it doesn't matter who. I'm going to have to learn to be more accepting of who I am and my problem and to not place importance or value on peoples' judgments and reactions to my quiet or "weird, anti-social" behavior. No more pressure. Just relax and let be.

My experiments this week:

-I've been walking my dog by myself everyday in my neighborhood and even past a neighbor's house who I feel anxious around
-smiled and glanced at people who walked past me
- went to the gym three times this week
- initiated a two-person activity in class when the teacher told us to find a partner
-walked into class a little bit late on purpose to feel the attention from everyone seated
-walked into a busy cafe by myself
-made a formal phone call
-drove my mom and her friend
-rented videos at the store
-bought a little bit of groceries by myself
-sang in the car even when stopped at a red light (windows rolled up of course)
-accepted a call from a cousin who I feel anxious around
-waited for and received some things my dad needed from his friend 
-called out to my brother loudly in public 

My experiments for this upcoming week:
-continue walking my dog everyday by myself
-walk my dog at least once at dusk when there are more people outside
-glance and smile at everyone who walks by
-increase the amount of groceries I buy at one time by myself
-call my cousin back instead of blowing her off or waiting for her to call me
-glance and smile at my gym's counter person instead of looking away or looking down
-ask someone for the time
-walk into one class a little bit late
-go into stores and ask the salespeople for a dressing room, sales information, and/or a specific item


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## tuna

I just realized today that I'm not exactly following the Fighting Paradox as I had thought before. I thought I had gone past using anger to fight my anxiety but it dawned on me that whenever I feel anxious and vulnerable I immediately put on a face that appears mad and ready to attack. I've done this so much over the years that my face just automatically goes into this defense, unapproachable mode because on the inside I feel so fearful that I don't want anyone to interact with me whether it's positive or negative interaction. I'm picking up on alot more little things this second time around so I'm really glad that I decided to listen to the tapes again.


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## AlekParker

tuna said:


> I just realized today that I'm not exactly following the Fighting Paradox as I had thought before. I thought I had gone past using anger to fight my anxiety but it dawned on me that whenever I feel anxious and vulnerable I immediately put on a face that appears mad and ready to attack. I've done this so much over the years that my face just automatically goes into this defense, unapproachable mode because on the inside I feel so fearful that I don't want anyone to interact with me whether it's positive or negative interaction. I'm picking up on alot more little things this second time around so I'm really glad that I decided to listen to the tapes again.


I have a tendency to do this too. I often frown or look angry when i'm really feeling anxious. :x Some of my friends have told me this. They'll ask me if i'm in a bad mood or angry at them, but really it's because i'm feeling anxious or just down. ops

I like what you said in your previous post about tape 8. You have to accept your anxiety and not feel so scared to show your vulnerabilities. It's OK to have anxiety, the more you fight it the more it will show. It's so true and i'm realizing this now. When I first heard the fighting paradox i didn't truly believe it, but now i do a lot more, thanks.

This is my 4th week of listening to these tapes and for some reason I've been feeling a lot of anxiety. I've been avoiding and putting off a lot of things that i should be doing... Sometimes i think i'm thinking about my SA too much and that's causing me to become avoidant. I was thinking that maybe these tapes are making me think in my head too much about this crap.. whatever... I will continue with the program anyways


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## tuna

> This is my 4th week of listening to these tapes and for some reason I've been feeling a lot of anxiety. I've been avoiding and putting off a lot of things that i should be doing... Sometimes i think i'm thinking about my SA too much and that's causing me to become avoidant. I was thinking that maybe these tapes are making me think in my head too much about this crap.. whatever... I will continue with the program anyways


Maybe you're thinking too much about what you have to do in terms of exposures and how to apply the therapy when you do them instead of just doing it? You know, thinking too much about the technical aspects of the therapy.

Another reason could be if you're spending time reading negative threads about anxiety because all that focusing and talking about anxiety, reliving past traumatic experiences, our triggers, what we can't do, and how horrible it is just makes you more anxious and depressed. That's why I don't even go in the coping section anymore. It made me more anxious and depressed. I feel so much better now that I don't read those negative threads anymore, very freeing.


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## AlekParker

Yeah I kinda agree with you here. I've been reading a lot of threads here that are negative. It's kind of hard to not think of ANTs thoughts when I'm reading all these depressing stories. They are so close to home here too, i've experienced all that crap in the past. I'm better now, but I don't want to keep reliving the fear and struggle... 

i'm going to discontinue reading all the negative threads in this forum, at least for now when I'm trying to eliminate automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) from my thinking.

One good think that i've been experiencing recently is i've actually been catching my negative thinking. It's soooo automatic right now that it usually just comes out as a bad emotion and anxiety. So now when i catch myself i shut it off then try to think more rationally. The only thing is right now i only can catch these when i'm alone or very calm. I'm still not quite thinking automatically neutral yet when i'm in SA situations, but i'm working on it. It's good to feel some progress.


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## tuna

I'm on tape 10 right now and it talks about telling yourself the words "loosen up" whenever you feel anxiety to remind your mind and body that there's nothing to fear. I did that a couple of times this week along with my calming keyword and I hardly felt any anxiety at all. Of course these were in lower anxiety type situations but still. I feel a renewed sense of empowerment now. So use the loosening up and calming keyword technique to help calm my physical anxiety and turn the ANTs to help calm my mental anxiety. Cool.


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## tuna

Slow talk: talk slightly slower than what you normally do to help calm yourself down and speak more clearly. I didn't really notice the effects of this technique on me until way later on. I realized that it did help to calm my physical nerves and slow my racing thoughts down a little so that I didn't stumble over my words. Through the use of slow talk, it's been much easier for me to get my thoughts out through verbal means in a much more coherent way.

ANT stoppage: Catch your automatic negative thoughts whenever you can, call them what they are (lying bullies), turn the thought around neutrally first (MAYBE I can do this, this MIGHT not be so bad) until your brain starts to believe in a more positive direction, and then focus outwardly and externally with distractions (t.v, books, music, singing, exercise).

Read over my rational coping thoughts, ANTs handout, attitude statements, de-stressing statements, acceptance handout, worry handout, positive self-statements, and the power questions every day outloud in slow talk so that these rational thoughts and rational feelings will automatically pop into my mind and body whenever I feel anxious, worried, or depressed.

Fighting Paradox: Do not engage in any of these five negative behaviors (insisting I shouldn't feel this way, fighting the feelings of fear with anger, bemoaning the fact that I have SA, telling myself "it's not fair", or "I don't deserve this") unless I want to give SA more power over me.

When anxiety comes to attack me, don't run or panic. Instead slow down, use slow talk, say or think my rational statements, use my calming word, "loosen up", focus outwardly.

Respond to setbacks with the new rational thoughts and strategies. Don't wallow in self-pity.

Do not pressure yourself or try to not be nervous or you'll just add even more pressure and stress to an already anxiety-filled situation. Just because we're feeling intense internal emotions, it doesn't mean other people are aware of it or aware to the degree that we are. Even if they do notice, our ANTs have overexaggerated its importance to other people in our minds. Most people do not care as much as we think or feel they do.

I can choose my new rational thoughts or I can choose to wallow and ruminate in my old defective thoughts.

Every time I replace an ANTs thought with a new rational thought or do something that causes me anxiety in a step-by-step manner of course, I'm changing my brain chemistry for the better.

I accept myself for who I am regardless of my circumstances. I am not my SA. I'm not better because of my achievements or approvals from people just like how I'm not worse for my failures or disapprovals from people. If I don't accept myself, then I'll forever be fighting and struggling with who I am.

We have to change our thoughts and replace them with rational ones or we'll never recover from SA no matter how many times we expose ourselves to anxiety.

Don't ever say: "I HATE doing this", "I CAN'T do this", "this situation or that person MAKES ME ANXIOUS", "this is SCARY". Since your brain believes everything you tell it, it will come to believe these lies. These statements just reinforce and renew our anxiety. If we expect to be anxious, we will be anxious.

In social situations, I NEVER have a rational reason to feel uncomfortable or anxious. I'm not in immortal danger. These anxiety feelings are just more lying ANTs. Our anxiety feelings lie to us just as much as our anxious thoughts do.

Worry is another ANT that can never help you or solve your problems. It just reinforces and strengthens your anxiety and depression.

Relaxation: I don't use his relaxation tape because it's too long. Instead I just lay down on my bed, relax my muscles, and repeat my calming keyword, "relax", in my head. Before I say my word, I take a deep breath and exhale slowly while saying the word in my head. As I exhale and say my word, I loosen up my muscles. I repeat the word once for every exhalation. I do this for about a few minutes every day. By using your calming keyword when you feel anxious, you remind and reinforce to your brain that you have nothing to be anxious about. Your body and your mind are liars when it comes to anxiety situations.

Our feelings and thoughts lie to us when it comes to anxiety so don't pay them any attention. Don't do things based on how you're feeling or thinking. Your body and mind will try to persuade you not to do exposures or think rationally by bringing about anxious feelings or by clinging on to depression because it's become an ingrained habit for us to think negatively and avoid things. But don't give in to anxiety's protests just as how you wouldn't give in to a child throwing a temper tantrum. It might stop the stress momentarily but in the long run you'll be the worse for it. Keep on thinking rationally and do exposures in a hierarchical fashion. 

Don't expect something to happen or force something to happen by a certain time period because then we'll just be setting ourselves up for feelings of defeat.

Actions ALWAYS comes before feelings. Feelings are a RESULT of the actions you take. So in order to not have these anxious feelings, we must expose ourselves to our fear through small baby steps every day. We won't suddenly feel non-anxious out of the blue. Remember to turn your ANTs around and think rationally before you do the exposures.

Don't focus on your anxiety. Wondering why you have it, how you got it, remembering and reliving all your horror stories, talking about your horror stories, concentrating on your anxious feelings and thoughts, focusing on your increasing anxiety will just make your SA worse. Don't wallow in self-pity. Instead focus and dwell on your rational thoughts. Build up your peaceful, accepting, positive, calm side. Don't think, just do.

Okay that's a good summary of the therapy so far. There's so much information that I had to write this out.


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## tuna

I just finished listening to tape 11 a few days ago so I'm on my 11th week. 

The slow talk does help me calm down my physical nerves somewhat so that I'm not stumbling over my words. It helps calm down my racing thoughts a little because the physical act of talking slower slows everything else down too. Since my thoughts are slowed down a little, I'm able to speak what I'm thinking in an understandable way whereas before I would just blurt things out and stumble because my mouth was trying to go at the same pace as my mind. It helps relax me a little bit also. I use this technique along with the others to try and reduce my anxiety as much as I can and it works. I didn't even realize I was using slow talk for a long time until one day I realized that I was automatically using them in social situations. Once I realized I was using slow talk, then it also dawned on me that I had better control over my words than before I started using slow talk. Pretty weird how I didn't see these changes in me. You just need to keep practicing and it will happen automatically for you too.

What tape are you on?


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## AlekParker

*re: Anyone have Dr. Richards*

I too don't really like the meditation tape partially because of it's length.

Right now I'm starting tape 9. This is actually like my 6th wk, but I have skipped some parts and tape 1 and 3 don't really count as wks.. I'm kind of getting eager to start some more exposure stuff because as this has been going along I've been exposing myself to a lot of situations. These are things I either have to do or else my friends inviting me out to do things. For instance a lot of times for work i have to talk to people who scare me. Also during Thxgiving I had to meet with a lot of family and also had a reunion with some old friends.

During the situations my mind often race and it's hard to get control... I think I can pretty easily shut off negative thoughts, but I'm eager to get on with this because it's getting really repetitive and i'm not getting better when I'm in the situation. It's weird though when I'm in a REALLY GOOD mood I lose my anxiety. Also when I have some momentum and have talked to people all day and expose myself to a lot of situations slowly (whether i was forced to or not) i feel less anxious later on. Maybe I have to keep exposing myself to stuff gradually and forcing myself into hard situations instead of doing all this practice by myself. I feel like it's making me think in my head even more...

I'm thinking of skipping foward because it's getting kind of slow. I think the best thing in the situation is probably slow talk, but sometimes it's too monotonous. For example i was using it on the phone with my sister the other day and she kept asking me if i was tired or sick.

I duno...

edit: this is a long process and it's not going to be easy or overnight. You have to really push yourself through this pain period because no one else is going to.

i think i will start using the key words "loosen up" and the trigger of my fingers together while i'm in stressful situations as you guys suggest thx w3st and tuna


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## tuna

Alek:

Maybe you're pressuring/forcing yourself to get rid of your anxiety while in the situation, focusing on your anxiety feelings and how overwhelming they seem instead of focusing on the other person or things around you, or maybe the situations you're in are too hard for you right now?


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## tuna

I play it on my stereo and lay down on the couch listening to it. It was hard for me to listen to it at first because I would have to keep myself from falling asleep but now that I'm even more motivated to do this therapy, it's easy for me to focus on what he's saying instead of daydreaming and I actually look forward to my tape days.


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## triscuit80

I have been on tape ten for two weeks. I have trouble doing this therapy when my anxiety is in check because of my medications. I almost feel I don't need the therapy, but I do know that it is the only permanent solution to this problem.


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## tuna

Thanks Backofclass. Now I'm going to write a list of tools that we have so far to keep them in check.

Tools:

Slow talk-Always use in anxious situations. You can slow talk your rational statements to yourself before and after a situation to help calm down also.

Turning the ANTs around-Catch them, stop them, replace the ANT with a rational thought (go neutral until your brain starts to believe it, then go fully positive), and then use your distractions.

Calming keyword & "Loosen Up"-Use before and after an anxious situation to feel a sense of relaxation. This feeling of relaxation reinforces the rational thought and reminds yourself there's nothing to be scared of. In time it will help your body to react in a relaxed calm way instead of anxiety.

Attitudinal statements, power statements, destressing statements, worry statements, ANTs handout, deserving statements, moving in a positive direction statements-Use any of these statements or phrases when you turn your ANTs thought around. These can be used in conjunction with your own made up rational thought, slow talk, acceptance, calming keyword, and "loosen up" techniques to reduce anxiety.

Acceptance-Accept yourself no matter what happens. Don't pressure or force yourself into being or not being a certain way. Don't get angry at yourself or wallow in self-pity.

Focusing-Focus outwardly and externally. Never focus on your anxiety or check in with your anxiety to see how you're doing. During a situation, focus on the task or on other people. Focus on the things going around you. Focus on what you're doing. If you start to go internal again, stop the thinking and focus externally again. Before or after a situation, turn the ANTs around, and then *focus* on your distraction (t.v, books, exercise, etc.)

Viewing the world more rationally and positively-This one is really hard for me so it's something I need to work on. Basically you can choose to either focus on the bad, depressing, negative things in the world or you can choose to focus on the good, beautiful, and positive things in the world. Choosing the good, beautiful, and positive things makes you happier and healthier. Choosing to focus on the positive things in life doesn't mean you live in a bubble world nor does it mean that you don't acknowledge that there are negative aspects as well. It just means you choose to dwell on the good things because you know that will help you and your health.

Social anxiety is a cycle of fear, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. We need to substitute our tools in place of fear, anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem to break up our social anxiety pathway. The more we break it up with these positive tools, the faster we'll recover from social anxiety.

To replace the feelings of fear and anxiety, use your rational statements so that you can begin to think more rationally about these anxious situations and to remind your brain that there is nothing to fear. Use your calming keyword, "loosen up", slow talk, acceptance (staying as calm as you can instead of fighting the anxiety), and focusing outwardly to help relax and remind your body that the anxiety you're feeling is not rational at all. These relaxation techniques help to reinforce the rational feelings and not the anxiety feelings that we're so used to.

Replace the feelings of depression and low self-esteem with acceptance and rational statements about yourself. Congratulate yourself for doing an exposure of any kind based on the fact that you did something that was hard for you. It takes courage to stand up against fear so no matter what happened, tell yourself you did good. Then use one of your distractions and *focus* on it.


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## AlekParker

Thanks for the notes again tuna. I think I need to focus externally when in situations. Also I think i have been putting myself in high anxiety situations like meeting with big groups of people at parties so i get overwhelmed. During these situations I should focus on the other people there and not just on my sa Symptoms. Ughh it's annoying how overwhelming this is. Anyways i cover it up with alcohol a lot which is probably not the right route. I just went to a party the other day and some girl i was talking to gave me some feed back. She said that i come off kind of goofy and silly, then she said i was cute and also friendly. I think I come off kind of silly and playful a lot this way to cover my SA. Oh well I guess it's not that bad, i should just accept this... it's not really that bad. But i want to be a more confident, outgoing, calm person.


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## tuna

What happened to my post?


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## AlekParker

it's on page 3


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## tuna

> It was lost when SAS moved to a new server. Some 8 hours of posts were lost.


Okay I see.

You guys should read the Q&A section of the help and support pages on the SAI website. It might answer your questions and clear up any confusion you may have.

I'm having a slightly depressed day so it's harder to keep the ANTs away. It's like your mental immune system is down so the ANTs become stronger, invade your mind, and do more damage than they would otherwise. I'm thinking of listening to his tapes everyday to really grasp the therapy. He said that's not a bad idea and it's better to overlearn the material than to stop short of fully learning it so why not?


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## tuna

I listened to tape 13 today and here is my summary:

Tape 13

This tape focuses on building and feeling our peaceful, calm emotions so that we begin to take control of our feelings and be able to employ these positive feelings in anxiety filled situations to help us calm down. Just as we have been building up the cognitive parts of our brains, now we need to focus on building up the emotional parts of our brains. We've started to build this part up with slow talk, "loosen up", acceptance, and our calming keyword. We want these peaceful feelings to reach the emotional brain so that they become automatic and habitual.

Peace zone concept:
Tell yourself "I choose to move into my peace zone" and exhale a long, deep breath. If you can, visualize a peaceful image in your mind. Anything that gives you a sense of peace and calm. Loosen up your muscles and relax. The most important part of this is to FEEL the peace and calm. Practice this everyday when you're alone so the peaceful feelings will become stronger and more powerful. When you're able to feel the peace, practice this in anxiety situations. Don't do this during the exposure but before and after the exposure, especially before to help you relax. Using this technique, you won't feel as relaxed when you're anxious as you do when you're by yourself but with practice those calm feelings will grow and become strong.
_I visualize a beautiful beach on a bright sunny day with colorful flowers, birds, and trees, bright blue waters, and white sands._

Determined slow talk:
Slow your slow talk even more so that you can feel the peace and determination. Don't use determined slow talk in public or around others. This is just used when you go over your daily handouts so you can feel calm and strong. Read over one of the peace zone handouts using determined slow talk every day.
_I alternate reading the "Acceptance is an active experience" handout with the "Seeing the present" handout everyday using determined slow talk. This method really helps me to feel very relaxed and peaceful. I feel waves of relaxation flowing through me while I'm reading in this way. Pretty cool!_


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## AlekParker

Hey Tuna. So thanks again for the notes, they've been helpful. 

I'm actually on tape 10 now, but i'm thinking of skipping ahead. I can't wait to get to the behavioral parts of the tapes because i feel like the tapes are progressing really slow. They make me think inside my head too much. I'm just battling all these inner ANTs but since i've started these tapes i've been avoiding a lot of things i need to do throughout the day even more. 

Lately i've been exposed to a lot of high anxiety situations. For instance I have been in quite a few social gatherings/reunions, but i haven't gradually exposed myself. It's like i'm either alone in front of the comp, or i'm exposed to a big party with friends and people i don't know. In this situ i just drink to take away my anxiety. Also i've been going on dates with girls which is realllly anxiety provoking, but i just take a xanax before. It's like i've already been in a lot of high anxiety situations, so i think i should just start gradually doing more instead of holding back with the prog.

I think exposure really is key, and it's taking soo long to get to that point with this program. I'm already a social person, but i happen to have SA. How is the behavioral stuff in the tapes? I haven't got there yet and i'm really getting impatient about listening to them already. I hide it a lot by avoiding things, but i think it's time i start gradually exposing myself to the world again...

One thing that I think i have cognitively changed though is that i'm starting to accept myself more for who i am. I'm an anxious person and people sometimes even find it endearing. often it will come off as me being goofy, but it's in a friendly way so i've received some pretty decent feedback. I've been asking my friends how i come off and one said carefree, but also goofy and shy. Kind of paradoxical... Anyways I'm going to keep pushing with this program to get better and I'm glad a lot of you are taking part for self improvement as well.

This post has become yet another one of my rambles lol...


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## tuna

Don't rush things Alek. Telling yourself to hurry up is another way of beating yourself up because you're putting pressure on yourself. I understand that you want to get better quicker, but the more you pressure yourself, the more your anxiety grows. This could be partly why you feel bad right now. Accept where you are on your recovery path but calmly determine that you will get better and reach your goal.

The behavioral portion is very important to recovery but equally so is the cognitive portion. You can expose yourself to anxiety as many times as you want, but if you don't have the cognitive tools secured in your brain, it's pretty worthless. The way we get over social anxiety is by building up our rational thoughts and feelings while doing gradual exposures. I really don't see any other way to overcome social anxiety but through changing our neural pathways and that takes repetition and time. I know it's hard because the therapy seems to be moving at a slow pace and we all want to get rid of this asap but you need to take the time to learn how to think and feel rationally with the techniques Dr. R lays out for you. Practicing the tools and reading the handouts will make you feel more calm and confident.



> They make me think inside my head too much.


I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. The therapy tells us not to think too much. Whenever we feel anxious or beat ourselves up we're instructed to focus outwardly and use distractions. Don't try to "look" for ANTs. Don't pressure yourself. Instead, just go about your day and when you notice the ANTs thoughts or feelings then turn around the thoughts and distract yourself with something so you focus outside yourself. Use this same technique when you notice you're ruminating about anxiety too much.Thinking about anxiety and paying attention to it just makes the social anxiety stronger. This might be another reason why you feel bad.

Yes, start slowly moving into the exposures. Don't hold back on doing exposures just because you haven't reached the behavioral therapy tape yet. Start your exposures slow. You have to feel your confidence rising and your anxiety lessening before you move up your hierarchy. Right now you're doing the two extremes: avoidance and flooding which just make your anxiety worse. Actually since you're drinking at the parties, that's avoidance too. So avoidance and avoidance. What I did is make a list of what is hard for me and then re-wrote them in the order of least to most anxiety causing. Then I wrote down some exposures I can do so I target everything on my list. For example, one of my things is using the phone. So an exposure I wrote for myself is to call up a store and ask if they carry a certain item. Then I rank my exposures from low anxiety to high anxiety so I can work my way up. That's just the way I do it because if I don't write it down it's easier for me to blow it off and procrastinate.


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## tuna

Tape 14

*Behavioral Therapy*
We do not want to avoid or flood ourselves with anxiety. Avoidance worsens our SA and flooding usually reinforces our feelings of inadequacy and makes us more anxious.

We want to start the behavioral therapy slowly and move up our hierarchy slowly. Getting over SA takes time so do not rush and try things that you may not be ready for at the present moment.

Do activities that cause only *slight* anxiety. Don't move up to the next step in your hierarchy until you are able to feel calm and confident with the previous step. Keep repeating a step until you feel that calmness and confidence. Repetition is key.

Before you start, imagine yourself handling the situation with calmness and peace. Use the peace zone handout, "loosen up", or your calming keyword to help calm yourself down. Use any of your rational statements to remind your brain the rational truth. Repeat all this several times but stay externally focused. Notice what's going on around you or distract yourself with something fun.

During the situation, keep staying externally focused. Use slow talk. Don't use any of your cognitive strategies (calming down techniques or rational statements) at this point because it's too much to think about. Just focus on what the other person is saying and what's going on around you. If it's a job you have to do, stay focused on the job. Focus on the task and nothing else. If the situation causes you too much anxiety then feel free to leave because you have done what you can for the moment.

Afterwards, congratulate yourself for doing the exposure. You were successful because you tried. You did something that causes anxiety for you and you did it. That's all that matters. Don't analyze or nitpick the situation. Don't beat yourself up over a "flaw" or mistake that happened during the exposure. If you realize you're doing this, then stop your thinking and focus outwardly again with a distraction. *Stop the thinking and start the doing!*

*The Power of Acting*
Be proactive by smiling first, saying hello first, initiating a conversation first.
Talk in an assured voice instead of a hesitant one.
Speak a little more louder but use slow talk.
By acting more confident and calm, you will FEEL more confident and calm. Remember the profound concept: Taking action always begins to create feelings. Feelings NEVER come before actions. This is another technique that needs to be practiced.
By being proactive, it reduces your hesitation, anticipatory anxiety, wondering what the other person will do or say and how you will respond to them.


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## Steve85

Sounds great guys. Wish I had the money.


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## SpesVitae

Oh wow. I wish I had seen this thread earlier. I'll be on Tape 20 later this week. I haven't exaclty been doing the behavioral exercises but I should have more opportunities to do so soon. Anyway, if you guys wanna share experiences or chat or anything like that, let me knw. =)


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## tuna

Tape 15 & 16: Behavioral therapy

*Look-Around Technique*
Whenever you feel like everyone is staring at you, test this out by slowly and naturally looking around to see just how many people are actually staring at you in judgment. Repeat this technique in different situations so that your perception changes and your inhibited feelings decrease.

Don't make yourself more self-conscious by keeping your gaze fixed in one direction. That will let your irrational, negative thoughts go wild.

Keep doing your exposures in a step by step manner.

Don't engage in highly anxiety causing situations or avoid doing exposures at all because then you will just reinforce all the negative feelings and thoughts you already have about it.


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## Softy785

This is a really great thread. I'm sorry to be jumping in so late. I got the tape series about 2 and a half years ago, went through the therapy and felt a lot better, but then I got lazy and reverted back to anxietyland. I have been going over the handouts again every night for the past several weeks, and am determined to drill the ideas and concepts into my head until my automatic negative thoughts become automatic positive thoughts and until I can function well in my day-to-day activities without the usual feelings of anxiety and avoidance. I know that this is possible for me if I keep moving forward and don't give up!

I have complete confidence in Dr. Richard's methods. I'm trying to get the therapy into my brain by any means possible. I try to have rational talks with myself each day and I'm working on changing the image I have of myself into a more rational image. People really do like me and value my opinions and I'm trying to realize this and accept this. 

Some of the concepts I'm struggling with are:
Taking the pressure off myself by realizing I don't have to be perfect
Realizing that my successes or failures do not determine who I am
Accepting myself for who I am
Engaging in small talk- asking questions and commenting on what other people are saying
Loosening up my body when I get anxious
Realizing when I'm having ANTS thoughts and turning them around

Keep up with the therapy, guys. You all are moving in the right direction and making progress, whether you realize it or not. Remember to focus on anything that's beautiful and positive, and that setbacks are a natural part of recovering from anxiety disorders.


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## tuna

Softy, I can tell you listen to Dr. R's tapes by the words you use. That's good because it shows you're getting his therapy into your brain.

I also have trouble with not putting pressure on myself to be perfect and totally accepting who I am. I realize that when I'm in anxious situations I try to be perfect by putting pressure on myself to be the perfect conversationalist-interesting, silly, witty, intelligent, charming, etc. I also put pressure on myself to not show my fears and to appear relaxed, calm, and confident. I'm working on it but it's one of my biggest issues.

My other big issue is with focusing on the good things in people and the world around me. I find myself stereotyping all people as being bad and looking to take advantage of me, but I'm noticing when I do this and changing the irrational thinking. Sometimes I wonder what's the point of all this? Everything around me seems to be negative or end up in that direction anyway, but I'm slowly starting to see that's just a big ANT.

Anyways keep up with the therapy everyone and good luck.


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## tuna

_Tape 17_

*Letting Go of the Negative Past: Embracing the Positive and Healing Future*

Most of us with SA have extremely negative experiences in our past. We still hold onto the anger as a result of those experiences. This anger fuels our SA even more. We need to get rid of the anger and any other negative emotions (shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc.) associated with past experiences in order to move forward. We're not looking to forgive anyone or trying to look back and analyze the situations. Our goal is to be able to remember those experiences and not FEEL any negativity. Read over this handout everyday in slow talk if you have this problem until you reach the goal.

*What To Do When The ANTS Come Crawling*

Whenever we feel depressed, defeated, or stuck in a rut, we need to get up and get active. Don't give in to ANTS fatigue. Break up the negative thinking using distractions, slow talk, singing, determined slow talk, reading over handouts, exercising, dancing, walking, anything to get our mind off these ANTS. The ANTs WANT us to feel this way so we need to refuse to give in by getting active and turning the thoughts around.

*Stay Away From Perfectionism And Pressure & The Perfectionism Pit*

Perfectionism is an IRRATIONAL EXPECTATION. No one is, can, or ever will be perfect. We can NEVER achieve perfection. It's a never ending, never accomplishing struggle.

There is no pressure to put on ourselves because there is no perfect way of doing anything. We can handle the consequences of our actions so there is no pressure. By pressuring ourselves to be, act, or do something perfectly, we only hurt ourselves and our performance. Just do what you can do, calmly accept it, and then move on. When we feel pressured, we'll stop the thinking and start the doing.

Our self esteem is not determined by how we perform at a task or whether others judge us as being smart, competent, interesting, good-looking, or nervous. We can accept it if someone judges us negatively, because we don't need their approval to sustain our self esteem and sense of worth. We are learning to accept ourselves no matter what our strengths or weaknesses are so external comments don't matter. Do things for your own personal satisfaction.

Our best is good enough. Mistakes just prove that we're human. Mistakes are there so we can learn from them.

Deliberately reject the negative pressuring feelings and deliberately accept calmness, peacefulness, and strength. Build up these positive emotions and weaken the negative emotions until they're gone by turning the thoughts/feelings around and ignoring them with distractions.

Read over these two handouts everyday in slow talk if you need to.


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## AlekParker

Hey guys i haven't posted here in a while, I've been busy lately... Tuna it looks like your doing well on progressing. Do you feel a lot better? How was the behavioral parts comming? 

I'm still on tape 10 and i need to move on. I've been on it for the past 4-5 wks. I should probably proceed with it now....

I'm also starting to take Effexor XR (been taking it for 3 days now) so maybe this will help me feel better...

But yeah, i'm gonna start listening to these again and read the handouts etc every day.


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## tuna

Hey Alek,

I was wondering where you had gone. I was going through a rough patch about four months ago, before I started the tapes again. So I decided to listen to Dr. R again and as a result, all the good, positive emotions came back to me so I've been feeling good and at peace ever since. 

I'm still working on my behavioral exposures. Like today for example, I went to the store to rent some videos and didn't dwell on the fact that I stumbled on my words when I spoke to the cashier (yay!), went to office depot and when an employee asked me what I was looking for I was able to answer back but I had to stop and take a big gulp before I answered (one of my symptoms) so there was an awkward pause but I didn't dwell on it either (yay!). Also when I had to interact with the cashier who seemed very cold, I didn't let her energy affect me in a negative way. Back then I would have felt she was looking down on me and get a little depressed and feel a bit inferior or get angry. I also went into another store and asked someone to help me find what I needed so today was a good day. I've been running at the park because I tend to feel a little self-conscious about people seeing me run. I've also been working on walking past people, making eye contact and smiling. I've also called up stores to practice using the phone.

Hopefully the med will work for you. If it works, it will help you get more out of therapy.

The other day I actually typed out the main handouts because I had highlighted all over the pages and it just looked messy. It took four hours but it was worth it. Now they look all neat and clean in their clear plastic covers. Haha yes I'm a dork.

Good luck on your progress!


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## lostwitness

Is anyone doing these tape series between the age of 16-21? If so I think it would be great if we could add eachother to MSN and discuss it, I think it would help a lot in discussing our progress and related struggles and help eachother out.

If you want to please send me a private message, or reply to this message with your email.

I am 17/M/Canada btw.


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## AlekParker

On tape 11.

It's cool because he starts telling you to focus externally, and not to dwell on the anxiety etc. This has helped me lots this week. I'm trying to not think of myself as socially anxious and to focus on what i'm doing or who i'm with instead of how i feel. At the same time i'm shutting off ANTs thoughts. THis past week i've been so busy/ externally focused with crap that the momentum has kept my mind off my anxiety.


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## Softy785

I haven't listened to the tapes in probably well over a year, but am currently trying to transfer them from cassettes to mp3 files so that I can listen to them on my ipod! But I am going through several therapy handouts every day, and am working my way from the first handout to the last. After I finish the last handout, I start back at the beginning. This is working well for me and I feel the therapy being pushed deeper and deeper into my mind all the time. 

I've recently been thrust back into school and work after having several weeks off. I think I am handling things pretty well overall but my biggest fear is being called on in class. I also have a huge fear of blushing, which sometimes makes me avoid social interactions in which I feel that I might blush. Other than that, I am feeling very positive about my abilities and responsibilities. I'm trying to cut out the useless junk in my life, (like watching too much tv, playing video games, napping, etc), and replacing it with much more positive, uplifting activities, like studying, exercising, playing the piano, reading my bible, cleaning, etc.) I find that this makes me feel so much more happy and productive. 

Its really about taking each day as it comes and staying focused on the present. We all have the peace and the confidence already there inside in us, we just need to find the way to tap into it. Good luck everybody, I wish you guys all the best!


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## Steve85

I have just started these tapes. Dr. R seems to really know what he's talking about. I'm on cd 2 right now. I have a question though. How do you practice catching ANTs during the 30 minute practice session? I really don't have any during that time. Should I be trying to force them? Or is the ANTs practice supposed to be throughout the day? Thanks.


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## AlekParker

During the day you should try to catch them, and ignore them.


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## Steve85

AlekParker said:


> During the day you should try to catch them, and ignore them.


Cool. Thanks!


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## AlekParker

Hey guys i've been taking my sweet *** time on these tapes. I think they've helped a lot overall with my world view and belief systems. I've also 
been 
-generally trying to improve myself (read books on positivity, wtched the movie "The Secret", try to have a positive attitude about EVERYTHING throughout the day, listen to audios on positivity/habit forming, any sort of self-help materials etc)
- staying as busy as possible (calling old friends, meeting with family, working a lot)
- taking effexor regularly
- take journals as much as possible
-write down long term and short term goals

my anxiety has reduced greatly and i feel like a much happier person. My depression has drastically been reduced.
combined these have helped so much


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## decodude

This post is great. I'm going to start these tapes as well. One thing that was really helpful o me was Tuna's summary of lessons. We should make a summary of every lesson, so that it could be looked over during the week.


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## phob33

Me and my 13 year old daughter started these tapes 2 weeks ago. I want to stay disciplined and motivated - for me and especially for her. LIFE is worth it so why do we drag our heels????


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## AlekParker

Update on me:

I've been kind of procrastinating on this program still but doing other things that have greatly helped me at dealing with SA. I can definitely say that I have began to accept it and do stuff despite any fear I feel. I started this program like 7 months ago but I'm still on wk 14. I haven't been deligent about listening to it, but I've been doing so many other positive things that I'm just so busy now.

Here are some things i've been up to: I've been doing some travelling, catching up with old friends, dating etc. I'm doing great basically. I owe it to a bunch of different things. Basically I've been pushing myself to become a better person and filling my life with positivity, motivation, etc.


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## SpesVitae

*Dr. Richard's CBT Online Support Group*

Hi guys. Eclectic and I were thinking about starting a Dr. Richards support group which would involve meeting on MSN every so often to discuss the CBT material. Perhaps we can practice some of the exercises together as well. We'll all have to discuss the logistics later. Anyway, we're hoping to get a couple extra dedicated and motivated people who can help keep all of us accountable as a group together. We've done some of the program on our own but would like to start again from the beginning, or somewhere close to it. It'd also be really cool to make some more friends. Let us know if you wanna join a group and help get one going. Thanks! 

BTW, three quarter tosses produced THT, and because T won, we decided to not make a new thread and keep it in this old one. This is very important. :boogie


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## Eclectic

SpesVitae, nicely said. It'd be fantastic to have a group of maybe 4 or more together. I think the support from the group will allow each of us to get more out of Dr. Richard's program and increase our progress.


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## Steve85

Hey guys, I am currently on session 12, and have found the tapes very helpful. My thinking has seen a drastic change. I find that rational coping statements, questions about my negative beliefs, and all that good stuff popping up in my mind whenever my negative thoughts come up. It's definitely helped my anxiety levels and my ability to cope. I'll be moving into the behavioral part of the therapy pretty soon.

Anyways, I know I'm not at the beginning, but I'd love to discuss the therapy tapes with you guys. It would help me keep refreshed. I have been spending at least the 30 minutes a day Dr. R suggests, so I am very dedicated to this series. I think a weekly or so meeting would be tremendously helpful for those just going through it. I know I had some questions that I had to do some research on when I first went through the opening weeks. I'd love to help you guys out if need be. Let me know what you guys are up to!


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## amber

hey I was wondering if anyone could tell me how they caught their ANTs, because right now I'm on CD 3 and I have no idea how to do it, I will just feel really negative and down and not know why....sometimes I cant even hear the thoughts, and what do you do with them once you've caught them...........I need some strategies, please help


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## lostwitness

If anyone wants these tapes for free, message me and I'll give you the link


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## CopadoMexicano

lostwitness said:


> If anyone wants these tapes for free, message me and I'll give you the link


hey, I want those tapes.


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## jealibeanz

I bought those tapes off of Ebay. I have to say, it's got to be one of the biggest financials mistakes of my life. Here I thought I was being proactive and helping myself by doing this "cognitive therapy" before my anxiety got out of control.

No way! I found no benefit. I'm a very tolerant and accepting person, but the narrator's voice was horribly annoying! He moans through the entire program!

His ideas just sounded ridiculous. There are odd ideas, sayings, and chants.

Plus... it was like listening to his own pity party! He complained about his own life and why it's not his fault he has anxiety. He out right states that other people did it to him!

Can you say lack of self-efficacy!? And lack of professionalism?

I felt that those comments alone were enough to give him little credit for his ability to help others. If he isn't mature enough (I believe he's middle-aged at this point.) to take responsibility for his life, I sure don't expect that he's all that good at helping others.

I had a hard time taking his lectures seriously after that statement alone. He even went so far to say that all people with social anxiety can attribute it to others from their early years.

Pleeease! That's an sweeping generalization... and I personally think it's wrong! (not to say that some people were influenced by those around them, but even they can take responsibility for their behaviors and actions)

Maybe part of my problem was also that he only focused on social anxiety and I was looking for help with GAD.


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## CopadoMexicano

wow, thanks to Mr. lostwitness I have a differernt perspective on myself and others. Man these tapes help a lot on my distorted self image and irrational thoughts.


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## lostwitness

*Re: re: Anyone have Dr. Richards' CBT Tapes?*



jealibeanz said:


> I bought those tapes off of Ebay. I have to say, it's got to be one of the biggest financials mistakes of my life. Here I thought I was being proactive and helping myself by doing this "cognitive therapy" before my anxiety got out of control.
> 
> No way! I found no benefit. I'm a very tolerant and accepting person, but the narrator's voice was horribly annoying! He moans through the entire program!
> 
> His ideas just sounded ridiculous. There are odd ideas, sayings, and chants.
> 
> Plus... it was like listening to his own pity party! He complained about his own life and why it's not his fault he has anxiety. He out right states that other people did it to him!
> 
> Can you say lack of self-efficacy!? And lack of professionalism?
> 
> I felt that those comments alone were enough to give him little credit for his ability to help others. If he isn't mature enough (I believe he's middle-aged at this point.) to take responsibility for his life, I sure don't expect that he's all that good at helping others.
> 
> I had a hard time taking his lectures seriously after that statement alone. He even went so far to say that all people with social anxiety can attribute it to others from their early years.
> 
> Pleeease! That's an sweeping generalization... and I personally think it's wrong! (not to say that some people were influenced by those around them, but even they can take responsibility for their behaviors and actions)
> 
> Maybe part of my problem was also that he only focused on social anxiety and I was looking for help with GAD.


:fall

Wow, you completely misunderstood the whole point of the audio series - and it seems to me like you are the one moaning and trying to find something wrong where there isn't, not him. I have listened to all 20 tapes, and I haven't heard him moan about anything once. He was just stating what he went through so that the listener can relate better.

And sorry to burst your bubble, but he is right, it isn't us who brought social anxiety upon us. It is outside influences. It isn't us who filled our heads with this negativity, and irrational thinking -- this is backed up by a significant amount of literature, this is not just his opinion. BUT (I think you selectively chose to ignore this part) the only person who can get over this is you, and only you can take on the responsibility to change.

And I bet you probably didn't listen to the whole series in the first place, or you wouldn't have said half the things you did! And if you did listen to all of them, you clearly had your ears plugged. Plus another reason you didn't like it because his voice was annoying??? Are you kidding me?!? That is a shallow thing to say.

And finally, if you were looking for help with GAD -- why the hell did you buy an overcoming social anxiety disorder audio series. GAD and SAD are not the same thing, this audio series was specifically for SAD!

Please, next time when you try and seek help, walk in with an open mind, and don't selectively choose what will enter your ears. And if you don't like something you hear, ok great, ignore it but at least listen to the rest of the advice and give it a try. So what if you don't agree that other people caused your social anxiety, accept that you filled your head alllll by yourself with the irrational thoughts, or you got these irrational thoughts from your mommies genetics ( :um ), whatever, but move on with the rest of the therapy with an open mind at least.

Sorry if I'm harsh, just what you said really frustrated me because you seem to be nitpicking like crazy.


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## jealibeanz

I certainly do have an open mind. I wouldn't have purchased the tapes if I didn't.

I have a bit of SAD as well as GAD. If you must know, I purchased the tapes because I thought they'd be beneficial for both types of anxiety.

You have every right to like the tapes. I have every right to dislike them.

There is one tape in particular where he dwells and dwells on the fact that other people did this to him! This is not my opinion. It's a fact. It's recorded on the audio series and stated several times.

So, here's my opinionated side of the issue:

It's not professional to blame others for his short-comings during a series that is supposed to be helping his audience. It does him no good personally to think that way. It doesn't help his audience to know that he felt that people in his early years completely controlled him. It's inaccurate for him to assume that all people with anxiety were "harmed" by people in the past.

I highly dispute the fact that outside influences had a *major* role in my anxiety. If they had, all the people I grew up with would have an anxiety disorder... they don't.

Alright dear, I'll give you a bit of maternal advice for the future:

- You are young. You are inexperienced. That is fine. However, you seem to shoot you're mouth off in many of you posts without much ground to stand on or any sort of sensitivity, empathy, realism, or manners.

- It is rude to "yell" at people, regardless if it's via the internet or not.

- It is rude to curse.

- Here's a little tip/life lesson: Things are much easier when you learn to respect your peers/elders, no matter if you agree at all times. You can disagree respectfullly. Flat out arguing and fighting is immature. You will need to learn self-control if you intend on functioning well in the real working world.


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## lostwitness

I like how you chose to ignore half the things I said, and if that is your idea of an open mind I can see how the tapes didn't help you. It's also interesting how you immediately resort to pulling up my age as an insult, and putting words in my mouth, as well as stating things as if you know my experiences. You also seem to over analyze what other people are telling you. Hmm...

Let me put this in quotes so you don't ignore it again, as well as bold the necessary parts.


> And sorry to burst your bubble, but he is right, it isn't us who brought social anxiety upon us. It is outside influences. It isn't us who filled our heads with this negativity, and irrational thinking -- this is backed up by a significant amount of literature, this is not just his opinion. * BUT (I think you selectively chose to ignore this part) the only person who can get over this is you, and only you can take on the responsibility to change.*


For your information, Dr. Richards spends SEVERAL tapes discussing the importance of leaving the past behind, focusing on the present, and not wallowing in the past or playing the blame game. *Shock* I guess you selectively ignored these tapes as well?



> There is one tape in particular where he dwells and dwells on the fact that other people did this to him!


He does tell that other people caused our irrational thoughts, but he certainly does not dwell on it. After that he then proceeds to say that although other people caused our anxiety disorder, it is up to us to take control of our lives, not dwell on the past, move forward, and take responsibility for what we are currently doing. Lets repeat that: *it is up to us to take control of our lives, not dwell on the past, move forward, and take responsibility for what we are currently doing.*

Again, I find it amazingly odd that you try to disprove an ENTIRE audio series over one statement you don't agree with, an annoying voice, and 'weird' chanting (???)



> It is rude to "yell" at people, regardless if it's via the internet or not.


THIS IS CALLED YELLING OVER THE INTERNET.

This is called expressing yourself over the internet!!

Big difference.



> It is rude to curse.


I never cursed anywhere in my post? Maybe you are referring to my ONE post in an entirely different topic. Dwelling on the past now are we?



> Here's a little tip/life lesson: Things are much easier when you learn to respect your peers/elders, no matter if you agree at all times. You can disagree respectfullly. Flat out arguing and fighting is immature. You will need to learn self-control if you intend on functioning well in the real working world.


Funny, if you look at all my other posts not directed at you, I show respect to everyone, but I guess that is just the way you think. You see one cuss word, and you generalize and say that I always "cuss", you see one argument, and you say that I always "argue" and that I am always "rude."

*'Life Tip':* I read your past posts, and I notice how you try and start arguments and look for wrong where there is none whatsoever. Maybe you should take some RESPONSIBILITY for what you are doing, and just *Loosen Up!* AND *Don't take life so seriously!* Let me post one of your posts where you VERY rudely try and stir things up, and are just plain rude and uptight:



> It bothers me very much that you are disclosing such information on forum members who put their trust in you during a phone conversation. They are or were active members on this site. Do you think they intended for you to write about your interactions and their personal habits? I highly doubt this.
> 
> I suggest you think twice before doing so again. *They are people, not your lab rats.*


It is rude to act as a 'back door moderator' on online message boards as well, and if you acted like this on other online message boards you would probably be warned. I have noticed you did this in a couple of other posts as well.

It's also funny how you assume that because of my age I lack experience with social anxiety. It seems like the only things you are open minded to and educate yourself over is medication, a simple band-aid for social anxiety, certainly not a solution. You seem to have zero knowledge of cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as how it works by your posts.

As a matter of fact, I probably know more about social anxiety and how to get over it more than you will ever know. In fact, I am practically over it after working constantly on it for the past years. I am now exposing myself to real life situations, meeting friends, and more. Here is a little bit of a advice for *you*: if you ever want to get over social anxiety, *GET OVER YOURSELF*. I don't care if you are 25, or 55, don't assume that you are better or know more than anyone else, because you don't. Your posts are living proof of that.

Now go ahead, ignore half the things I said, and go back to nitpicking one thing to try and disprove my entire post. I notice you like to do that. It'll be a waste of time anyways, because I'll skip right over it and ignore your useless negativity.

-lostwitness


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## mshopeful

Hey Lostwitness, I'd like to try those tapes. Thanks!


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## SADFighter

Yeah, those tapes have been very helpful to me and the cause of much more positive things happening in my life, despite the (lol) less than positive reactions.


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## CopadoMexicano

yes, those tapes are designed to help people with social anxiety.


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## marvintmartian

lostwitness said:


> If anyone wants these tapes for free, message me and I'll give you the link


First post on here (and there will probably be more to come). Can i get that link please if you still have it? Thanks a lot


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## CopadoMexicano

yeah, those links are going to help many people unnecessarily suffering from social anxiety.


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## Light

Dr.Richard CPT Tapes contains is an important material for anyone who wants to get out of social anxiety, I listened to the tapes and I was amazed by how many things I didn't know about it, had I listened to the tapes before few years, I wouldn't be in social phobia at all, it is a golden piece of knowledge that is essential to anyone who wants to get out of social anxiety.


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## same

Hey guys, I just discover the therapy know and I'm doing it. 
But in session 2 on Side B at minute 4:57 when he talks about "shor statements handout" where is it in the book ?
And what about your own progress ?

Thanks


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## thenyteowl

*Week 2*



cicada said:


> I was wondering if anyone out there has the cognitive behavioral therapy tapes by Dr. Richards. I seem to have trouble sticking with the program and I think it would help if I had an online buddy who was also doing Dr. Richards' program. We could motivate and encourage each other to stick with it. Anyone interested?


You can count me in. Tomorrow will end week two for me. So far so good. I am surprised at how simple stopping the ANTs are. It really does work and has done so consistently. I have also tried the slow talk in real life also. I know I jumped the gun a bit but the situations seemed to call for the slow talk.

I guess this will be the place where I post over the upcoming weeks on my progress, and to see how other are doing.

It's time for me to lick this problem. I can see how it can affect my social life, my career progress, my intimate relationships, and my overall happiness. I would really like to give the program a try. So far soo good.


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## Squiggledibble1

Hey all, 

I am currently doing session #13 - I started in May and must say: Do not give up.

You must do at least 30 minutes every day, consistently and persistently. You must practice the techniques whole-heartedly. You must follow the instructions carefully and closely. It is not hard work, but it is a lot of work. You must take this one step at a time.

Like he says "the only way you can fail is if you give up". This is true. 

Another thing: It's not "the tapes work" or "the tapes do not work". It's all about you. It's all about your effort. 

The tapes guide you. If you listen closely, follow along and be persistent and consistent, you can basically guarantee that you'll overcome SA. 

But it's not just about overcoming SA. It's about permanently liberating yourself, feeling freedom once more, and finding everlasting peace and happiness. 

Do not give up


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## waterbottle

I'm in the middle of session 9 and I definitely recommend these tapes. You would be surprised when you start to see progress. When you do get surprised it will keep your rational thoughts flowing instead of negative thoughts. Social anxiety is a series of negative thoughts that have become habit over a long period of time.


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## glenduval

I just started session 1. 
I hope this will help me


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## PinkRabbit

I'm on week 4 at the moment and I've hit a weird moment. I feel like I can't have a single negative emotion about myself and it's frustrating to me. I keep thinking of that ‘relinquishing junk’ scene from Trainspotting; I feel like I have the soothing music and ten ****ing tins of tomato soup but I also feel like that all I need is that one hit to soothe the pain while the therapy takes effect. In other words, it’s like one half of me hopes for better days and the other half just desperately needs to bemoan and be negative to keep the whole sane. I don't know how to pull myself together to continue the proccess. I'd welcome any recommendations/opinions from people who've tried those tapes


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