# Your Anxiety: A friend or a foe?



## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

How have you come to relate with your anxiety?
Do you react negatively towards it like an enemy?
What thoughts/feelings arise when you get anxious?
How have you learned to deal with it when it comes up?

OR
Do you react with compassion and understanding when it arises?


What works best for you when you are feeling anxious?

Just let me know if you welcome it or push it away.
And does that improve the situation you're in.


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## Bizarre (Jan 21, 2014)

At this point mine is still a foe.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Hmm, interview time eh? Project or just curious?

How have you come to relate with your anxiety?
Do you react negatively towards it like an enemy? - It's mostly meaningless, so yes. I hate my anxiety...especially social anxiety. It hurts me.
What thoughts/feelings arise when you get anxious? - Depends on what is causing the anxiety. Might be anger over something. Might be "I can't die right now" (that's from back in my panic episode days though). Might be that I need to escape.
How have you learned to deal with it when it comes up? - Deep breathing, walking (pacing really), I might try to talk to someone.

OR

Do you react with compassion and understanding when it arises? - When someone else is experiencing it I react with understanding, because I know the feeling. You're talking about our own though. If it's general anxiety, sometimes I take time to recognize that it's only that and I am going to be okay.


What works best for you when you are feeling anxious? - I don't know.

Just let me know if you welcome it or push it away. - push it away
And does that improve the situation you're in.- not necessarily


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

Personally, I accept it as an inconvertible part of my life and make do as best as I can. *shrugs*


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## GhostlyWolf (Sep 7, 2015)

SAD is the ghost that lives inside of me, the one that tells me who is watching and how I can avoid them. It haunts the inner workings of my mind and turns me into it's invisible appearance. The question is without my ghost who would I be? What kind of person would I have become? I'm a cynic now so who knows.


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## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> Hmm, interview time eh? Project or just curious?
> 
> How have you come to relate with your anxiety?
> Do you react negatively towards it like an enemy? - It's mostly meaningless, so yes. I hate my anxiety...especially social anxiety. It hurts me.
> ...


Thank you sarafinanickelbocker 
Haha, Yeah I like to ask questions because I am trying to learn from you all about SAD. (not just myself). I like getting other peoples perspectives and outlooks. Not doing this for a school project, just to expand my knowledge, connect with other people/how they handle it and just see if there are any connections/patterns with each of us.
Sometimes how someone else describes how they feel (regarding SAD), I can start to relate to SAD a bit better or see something I didn't realize in myself but is there.

Why do you think we treat ourselves with less compassion or try to understand the anxiety... but when someone comes to YOU about THEIR anxiety,... we have more openness/space/understanding towards them and what they are experiencing? Why can't we treat our anxiety like how we treat another human being?

Do you feel like that would change anything/help?
When you meet another person who you realize has SAD like yourself, do you feel more okay with yourself around them, your SAD... is there less pressure, more acceptance, more space? ...Or do you hate that you have SAD even more? Basically you are looking at a reflection of yourself XD.. so just wondering if meeting another who shares that commonality makes you feel a bit better?


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## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

GhostlyWolf said:


> SAD is the ghost that lives inside of me, the one that tells me who is watching and how I can avoid them. It haunts the inner workings of my mind and turns me into it's invisible appearance. *The question is without my ghost who would I be? What kind of person would I have become?* I'm a cynic now so who knows.


Do you feel like your ghost (SAD) is something that you identify with yourself most of the time? Like.. it has become a huge part of your identity? Do you think you could ever look at it with kinder eyes?
Has it ever helped you or do you consider how it makes you feel/think creates invalid/false thoughts?

What do you do with the thoughts and feelings it creates?
You strive to be someone other than you are? or you feel like it is not really you, but just something that has attached itself to you? (separate yet attached)
So you feel like it is some kind of uninvited guest?


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## LibriArte (Apr 7, 2016)

Pretty sure it's more over to my foe. I'm not exactly seeing it like a positive part of my life : p


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## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

vsaxena said:


> Personally, I accept it as an inconvertible part of my life and make do as best as I can. *shrugs*


Interesting Xsaxena.
Do you think we can compare it to other emotions or feelings we get throughout our days? (since you say "I accept it as an inconvertible part of my life")

DO you deal with other emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, happiness, contentment, joy, excitement, the same way?

Thank you for sharing


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## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

Bizarre said:


> At this point mine is still a foe.


Hi Bizarre thank you for sharing


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## shelala1 (Mar 15, 2016)

LibriArte said:


> Pretty sure it's more over to my foe. I'm not exactly seeing it like a positive part of my life : p


Thank you LibriArte for sharing 
It is less about seeing it like a positive in your life... but more about the RELATIONSHIP we have with it. How do we TREAT it, how we have dealt with it, how has that impacted us.. and yes I guess how you end up seeing it in the end.

Do you treat your other emotions/feelings that are "negative" or "positive" differently when compared to your anxiety... Maybe it is best to compare our anxiety with another less negative (something we don't experience often but it is still negative) emotion in our lives? I wonder if that makes a difference for people and how they relate to it.

Too much of anything can be unhealthy, even too much of a good thing.


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## BAC (Aug 16, 2015)

I have learned a lot from growing up with social anxiety. It's taught me to analyze instead of being impulsive. From listening more than speaking, I have gained a pretty good grasp on how many different kinds of people work. It has taught me empathy. Most of all, it has taught me patience and perseverance. 

All of that said, I think I have gotten every positive of SA out of the way, and I am working hard to continue to move on.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

Why, thank you for thanking me for sharing, .

Good question. Very good question.

Um, not exactly. I try to control my anger, joy, excitement, etc. (particularly anger), but I make very little effort to deal with my anxiety -- save for ensuring that I take my medication every day.

Um ...

I cannot change my anxiety, but I suppose I can change how I deal with it. So I try not to get angry anymore about the circumstances of my life. Being this nervous in public and especially around women sucks, but it is what it is, and I really do not believe I can magically change it on my own.

Does that make sense? So I control my joy/anger/etc., but I let the anxiety just do its thang.

Sincerely,
V



shelala1 said:


> Interesting Xsaxena.
> Do you think we can compare it to other emotions or feelings we get throughout our days? (since you say "I accept it as an inconvertible part of my life")
> 
> DO you deal with other emotions like anger, sadness, jealousy, happiness, contentment, joy, excitement, the same way?
> ...


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

@shelala1

Thank you sarafinanickelbocker 

Sure. 

Haha, Yeah I like to ask questions because I am trying to learn from you all about SAD. (not just myself). I like getting other peoples perspectives and outlooks. Not doing this for a school project, just to expand my knowledge, connect with other people/how they handle it and just see if there are any connections/patterns with each of us.
Sometimes how someone else describes how they feel (regarding SAD), I can start to relate to SAD a bit better or see something I didn't realize in myself but is there.

Oh okay. I can relate to that.

Why do you think we treat ourselves with less compassion or try to understand the anxiety... but when someone comes to YOU about THEIR anxiety,... we have more openness/space/understanding towards them and what they are experiencing? Why can't we treat our anxiety like how we treat another human being?

Good question. As that old cliché goes, "we are our own worst critics." Maybe we feel guilty about feeling compassion for ourselves. Yeah, I don't know.

 Do you feel like that would change anything/help?

Pushing it away? It's just an attempt at trying to feel better. Sometimes I push myself to be more outgoing...that often backfires.

When you meet another person who you realize has SAD like yourself, do you feel more okay with yourself around them, your SAD... is there less pressure, more acceptance, more space?

I don't know that I feel more okay with myself, but it is nice to be with someone who understands why I do the things I do.

I had a friend with which I shared this predicament. I lost her to the excitement of the college world ages ago. C'est la vie. Anyway, we could talk about it (she was the first) and it was nice.

I just started going to a support group for people like me. I get an adrenaline rush and it's still embarrassing to share these types of feelings with them (I have a hard time sharing _anything _personal, even with my own family, because it's one of my biggest struggles). However, I know they are in the same boat and I love that they nod in understanding when I talk about my "stuff." I feel for them when they talk about theirs. They _know_ and I'm not alone. There is more acceptance for sure.

Space? All of us SAD folks have varying levels of introversion. I desire a lot of alone time and it extends a little beyond the level I need to nurture relationships (something to work on), even with other people with SAD.  So, no.

...Or do you hate that you have SAD even more? Basically you are looking at a reflection of yourself XD.. so just wondering if meeting another who shares that commonality makes you feel a bit better?

No, I don't hate it even more, because I'm not alone. It needs work, sure. I like not being alone in it. With the support group, I hope we can help each other move towards something healthy.


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## gynniet17 (Apr 9, 2016)

I used to think Foe at the time as I didn't know what to make of it but now with the right help I would call it IT not friend yet but something else. 


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## quietone37 (May 17, 2015)

it's vey well a foe:serious:


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## littleghost (Oct 29, 2016)

I'm scared of my anxiety, I'm afraid of the way it makes me feel. My therapist says I need to learn to accept the anxiety, that pushing it away only makes it worse. We've tried working on it but I just get a stomach ache (my main reaction to anxiety is stomach ache.)


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

My anxiety is like a friend I don't want to be around that follows me everywhere with no concept of personal space!


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Social anxiety is not my enemy. General anxiety is not exactly my friend but they are not the same.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Anxiety is my friend. I don't care for the amount of anxiety, but it is a necessary part of me. It serves a purpose and does a job. It's an understandable reaction by my body attempting to get me away from situations that were once actually VERY overwhelming and dangerous for me. There was no love in my home, no way to relax, violence and lots of criticism.

For where I am now that anxiety has gone overboard, reacting to situations that pose no threat. It's going to take some time for me to rewire my reactions and calm my nervous system, but i understand what's happening and why. Even though sometimes i'm frustrated, it's very important to give myself compassion, patience, kindness and understanding. That which was so sorely lacking in my upbringing. Anxiety is difficult enough without me beating myself up on top of it. I deserve love and kindness all the time ESPECIALLY when i'm suffering. We all do.

PS- I know this is an old thread, but thanks OP for the question. I needed to center myself because recently I have been taking more of an adversarial stance against my anxiety, when in reality I just need to be patient and work with it rather than "beat it."


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