# Who here is afraid to date (and has no dating experience)?



## jjj21 (Feb 24, 2012)

I’m an attractive guy and I have had many girls show interest in me throughout my life. I got out of college a few years ago. But I have never dated before. Whenever a girl shows interest in me, I never show any interest back because I’m afraid of dating so I don’t want to lead the girl on. The thing is, though, I want to date and I enjoy the idea of dating. I want to be with a girl. I think maybe the reason why I’m afraid of dating is because I have no idea what to do and I’m afraid that I won’t be good at it. I’m also worried about stuff like what if the girl shows up late, what if she texts on her phone instead of talking to me on the date etc. The uncertainty definitely causes me anxiety. But I guess it’s also because I’ve just never done it before.

For everyone here who has never dated, who here has the desire to date but is afraid to date? Why? Have you ever turned people down because of your fear of dating?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

*MM raises hand*

This will change for me in 2013. It is about time - I have waited for YEARS!

Yes - I never felt good enough or feared rejection for my awkwardness.

I have a good job, a car, a HOUSE, and yet this. :roll
I am more Millennium Man than many women can handle.


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## brettfavre4life (Apr 20, 2012)

Me!

I really want to date and I do pursue girls once in a while, but as soon as they show interest I get scared and shamefully hide. I feel pathetic for running from something I want so bad.


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## Eversosweeten (Dec 11, 2012)

You never know until you try! Part of my fear is the rejection I have experienced in the past. But, better to have experienced it and learn about what you don't want then never at all. And you sound fabulous so go get em


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yes, I have this problem. I am terrified of rejection.


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## FeelNothing (Sep 25, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> I have a good job, a car, a HOUSE, and yet this. :roll


I was actually going to ask somebody out (hopefully) but then I read your reply and realized that I won't have a chance since I don't have any of those. :no


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Dating can suck. It sometimes feels like a job interview. The last "date" I was on it was nothing special...ugh. I don't think I have that much experience. Every time I've met people I wouldn't consider it a date..it's just hanging out. Honestly what is a date? Dinner and movie? I dunno. For me I just hate telling my story over and over again but that is life and that is how you meet people. It just all get tiring after awhile. Cause nothing ever sticks...but you gotta keep trying.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Me. And like you, I have attracted many guys my way. But, it never goes further than than that. I need to get myself right though (somewhat) before I just throw myself out there...which I hate to say but it is the truth.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I don't have any dating experience, but I consider that a good thing. I like to think that I don't have as many hangups as people who do have experience.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

FeelNothing said:


> I was actually going to ask somebody out (hopefully) but then I read your reply and realized that I won't have a chance since I don't have any of those. :no


It depends on your place in life.

I am 37 1/2 years old and worked pretty darn hard to get what I got. By now, I have shown initiative to be on my own.

THINGS do not define the man, though - it is INTEGRITY, PERSONALITY, and SELF-RESPECT.


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

I've been on a couple failed dates, but I'm trying to gain some experience


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

Me! I'm the same as you, where people have expressed interest in me but I shy away from it because I get nervous about my lack of experience and not knowing how to act lol. I also get nervous letting people know I am interested as well, sometimes I think I'm expressing that I like them but because I'm so shy, it doesn't seem as obvious lol.

And well, I guess I'm nervous about dating because throughout jr. high I never got into dating. Everyone else I knew had boyfriends or girlfriends, and it's not that I didn't like anyone, I just never had the courage to ask anyone out LOL (except one guy, but he ended up turning me down) so everyone I liked afterwards, I'd kind of just admire them from afar or remain friends with them. Same thing goes for high school, though I didn't like that many people at that point (everyone from jr. high pretty much went to the same high school). I was pretty content being single, it was easier to focus on studies and develop a strong work ethic and study habits.

As for people expressing interest in me, yes I've turned them down... but not because I was anxious... I just didn't like them LOL, well most of them. There were a few cute guys but I just got nervous because they'd be extroverted, wanted to party a lot and go out all the time. That just wasn't me, and being in those situations would probably make my anxiety go up more than I'd want it to. I guess I'd also worry about being too boring, too nerdy, too much of this or that... I was just pretty self conscious and I'd wonder, "Why would people want to date me?"


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## flamingwind (Jan 1, 2013)

I just cannot see myself dating someone. I'm more of a friends turn into lovers kind of person


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

meganmila said:


> Dating can suck. It sometimes feels like a job interview. The last "date" I was on it was nothing special...ugh. I don't think I have that much experience. Every time I've met people I wouldn't consider it a date..it's just hanging out. Honestly what is a date? Dinner and movie? I dunno. For me I just hate telling my story over and over again but that is life and that is how you meet people. It just all get tiring after awhile. Cause nothing ever sticks...but you gotta keep trying.


You are the most cynical person I've seen on this site lol.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Ya and if you ask for the 2nd date and they say "ah no..." that would be a blow to self-esteem.


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## gof22 (Dec 25, 2012)

I would like to date someone but I am to scared to talk to women. I don't have any dating experience either. A couple of years ago when I went to a community college and a woman in my math class did tell me she liked me and asked if I was interested in dating her. I did like her but I was afraid she was just trying to hurt me and that if I said anything she would laugh at me. Instead I just sat there and said nothing and she got mad at me and left.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

meganmila said:


> Dating can suck. It sometimes feels like a job interview. The last "date" I was on it was nothing special...ugh. I don't think I have that much experience. Every time I've met people I wouldn't consider it a date..it's just hanging out. Honestly what is a date? Dinner and movie? I dunno. For me I just hate telling my story over and over again but that is life and that is how you meet people. It just all get tiring after awhile. Cause nothing ever sticks...but you gotta keep trying.


Dating isn't dinner and a movie. It's when two people spend time alone together talking and getting to know each other.

I just wonder what you call it when you're already in a relationship and go out to eat together or something versus actually getting to know someone new via a series of dates. I've only done the first one. :stu


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> *MM raises hand*
> 
> This will change for me in 2013. It is about time - I have waited for YEARS!
> 
> ...


Go for it bro.

Any SAS girls in Ohio?


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Yeah, to be honest it fills me with dread, I've had good chances with women I've been attracted to, but I ruined it. I acted a complete fagpuss, they wanted to meet for a date and I wussed out. It's more a worry too, as I get older and have no experience in intimacy or a long-term relationship. 

I just joined a dating site yesterday and already have 3 messages, from 30s single mothers. They think I will be sorted in life at this age, not living at home with bleak prospects, but I shall lie and try and get the sex - that is all women are useful for, sex and for company and cooking dinner after all. 

Women can ALL take a short walk off a long plank as far as I'm concerned now!:mum


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Fenren said:


> I just joined a dating site yesterday and already have 3 messages, from 30s single mothers. They think I will be sorted in life at this age, not living at home with bleak prospects,* but I shall lie and try and get the sex - that is all women are useful for, sex and for company and cooking dinner after all*.
> 
> Women can ALL take a short walk off a long plank as far as I'm concerned now!:mum


Doesn't get more sad than that :-/


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## Fenren (Sep 20, 2009)

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> Doesn't get more sad than that :-/


Ohhhhh I was joking! ...............kind of :um


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Dating can suck. It sometimes feels like a *job interview.* The last "date" I was on it was nothing special...ugh. I don't think I have that much experience. Every time I've met people I wouldn't consider it a date..it's just hanging out. Honestly what is a date? Dinner and movie? I dunno. For me I just hate telling my story over and over again but that is life and that is how you meet people. It just all get tiring after awhile. Cause nothing ever sticks...but you gotta keep trying.


Agreed !! I went on a couple of dates with a guy asking me what my career, investing and 5 year plans were... o--0
Jesus.

Dating shouldn't have to be so hard...it shouldn't be overwhelming to enjoy a simple cup of coffee with someone ??!


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Fenren said:


> Ohhhhh I was joking! ...............kind of :um


Oooooh okay then, phew ! Sarcasm can be hard to read.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> Agreed !! I went on a couple of dates with a guy asking me what my career, investing and 5 year plans were... o--0
> Jesus.


Either he was bankster or communist lolz


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## Neddy123 (Jan 2, 2013)

I have spent time one on one with single women.....whether that means I have "dated" i don't know, and don't really care.

I am more interested in making some new friends and maybe finding someone special that way than sitting across a table from a total stranger making small talk and trying to impress them.....the whole concept of it makes no sense to me.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

im more excited about it than scared... but the two can feel very similar at times


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

Nexus777 said:


> Either he was bankster or communist lolz


Hahaha ! A financial advisor ! :no


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

I'm not afraid to do it, but I've only done it once and it was with a girl I had known for a long time so I wasn't uncomfortable talking to her. but yeah.


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## Anxietyriddled (Jan 5, 2013)

At least you guys had girls to even talk to! I have never had a female friend in my life. Or really any friends that I talk to over the phone or go out with. damn !....feel like failling in a shallow grave....


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Anxietyriddled said:


> At least you guys had girls to even talk to! I have never had a female friend in my life. Or really any friends that I talk to over the phone or go out with. damn !....feel like failling in a shallow grave....


Neither did I until I met someone on the Internet. You should try it. Just start by sending messages back and forth to build up your confidence and social skills before you jump into meeting them.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Anxietyriddled said:


> At least you guys had girls to even talk to! I have never had a female friend in my life. Or really any friends that I talk to over the phone or go out with. damn !....feel like failling in a shallow grave....


Mmmm...never had a female friend or much female interaction at all until I was 24 when I just started forcing myself to talk to random girls...

If you have no experience, only way to gain some is to...well, do it - no matter how impossible it seems.


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## thebluewarrior (Mar 28, 2006)

Yeah, the "lack of experience" definitely holds me back. I wasn't in any hurry to be in relationship in high school and college, focused on my career instead. But now that i feel like it's time my social circle is completely gone and I have no idea where to start. Damn.


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## gusstaf (Jan 1, 2012)

I've been on several dates through the years...most of them haven't gone anywhere. As in, few second dates. I was in a relationship for a short period of time but that ended years ago. I am absolutely terrified of rejection, so I do a terrible job of putting myself out there. And when I think someone actually has potential, I inevitably self-sabotage and drive him away. I guess I'm destined to be alone.


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

I'm not really afraid of meeting people or hanging out, but I'm afraid of what guys will think if they know about my lack of experiences. I'm really afraid of when the time for kissing will come with a new guy because I don't know how to kiss and it's kind of obvious >_<


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## mesmerize (Oct 19, 2012)

ive never even kissed anyone and im afraid to go out to places, even worse for a date..


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## Something (Jun 2, 2010)

I've been so afraid to date that I just completely rule out the thought of dating when I meet someone. I would always hear about how they always have guys hitting on them, asking them out and whatnot, so I never tell them how I feel or ask them out.


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## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

Yeah i'm scared of dating aswell, but no girls show interest anyways. :/


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'm more afraid of hiding from my fears, which used to include dating. Exposure is what changes everything.


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## hazelblue (Jun 6, 2012)

mesmerize said:


> ive never even kissed anyone and im afraid to go out to places, even worse for a date..


:rub

You'll be ok don't worry about it! I'm the same but it shouldn't hold you back in future.


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## jayjaythejetplane (May 13, 2011)

The prospect of a date excites me. I especially like how you can tailor the days events to each girl's interests rather than just doing something generic like go to the cinema.


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## Soilwork (May 14, 2012)

I'm somebody else who has no dating experience. I'm considering signing up for some online dating sites but I'm not sure if there will be many women my age on there as it seems like dating sites are for people who are older than myself. Does anyone know if this is true or not?


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I guess I'm in the same boat. I like the _idea_ of dates but I can't really be myself around people so what's the point. I'd just act fake and mislead them or turn them off by coming off as distant, boring, and aloof. I'm not even sure what type of behavior or topics are appropriate while on a date. Everyone has different expectations. I'd probably freeze up while dwelling on the possibilities.


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## Raulz0r (Jun 4, 2011)

Me I guess, I had a few dates, but I have no idea what to do, and I eventually end up actually scaring them away, out of the 5-6 failed dates I had only 1 still talks to me after we met...


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

apparently i've been on several dates without knowing it. this is how bad at dating i am.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Brian76 said:


> Some of aspects of it scare me like introducing the girl to my family and me meeting her family...


This scares me, too.


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## hydinthebasmnt (Aug 26, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> This scares me, too.


Me too. Even if I would ever be in a position to date anyone, my family would frighten them away.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yes fear/intense nervousness of dating and zero dating experience. :um


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

Im not afraid im just not good enough

its not even like im average looking, im really ugly and im a dunce too so I cant see me ever getting a woman to be honest.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Dating someone you really like can even scare the most confident of all people.


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I wouldn't say I'm afraid, I'm just too ugly and not desirable so it's not possible for me because no girls like me in that way. Some people in life are not datable, it's just probability.


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## jlscho03 (Sep 5, 2012)

jjj21 said:


> I'm an attractive guy and I have had many girls show interest in me throughout my life. I got out of college a few years ago. But I have never dated before. Whenever a girl shows interest in me, I never show any interest back because I'm afraid of dating so I don't want to lead the girl on. The thing is, though, I want to date and I enjoy the idea of dating. I want to be with a girl. I think maybe the reason why I'm afraid of dating is because I have no idea what to do and I'm afraid that I won't be good at it. I'm also worried about stuff like what if the girl shows up late, what if she texts on her phone instead of talking to me on the date etc. The uncertainty definitely causes me anxiety. But I guess it's also because I've just never done it before.
> 
> For everyone here who has never dated, who here has the desire to date but is afraid to date? Why? Have you ever turned people down because of your fear of dating?


That is exactly me. I'll also add that it just seems so stressful (of course, SA makes it seem worse than it really is). I have gone on a couple of dates but I can count them on one hand and all were back in high school or early college.

I also have the exact same problem of not being able to show interest, when I am actually really interested in the person. Such a pain.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Would dating sims help the anxious and inexperienced?


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## EddieDee (Jan 13, 2014)

No experience here! I met a total of 13 girls and only 5 still talk to me (They're vegans) the rest are non-vegans. If these were all non vegan.. I wouldn't be talking to anyone now. I almost asked one of the girl I am talking to be in relationship with me, but I thought about it carefully. She's 34, has been married for 8 years and has a son. She doesn't want anymore children. She just wasn't for me.


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## yesterdays (Dec 31, 2013)

CopadoMexicano said:


> yes fear/intense nervousness of dating and zero dating experience. :um


Yep


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I've always been too afraid to date. Part of it is scared of being rejected. Part is always being nervous around girls. Also never making that much money to go on dates. There were times I didn't make any money for several years and when I did it might be a few thousand a year.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

It doesn't seem to get easier with experience, maybe you need a lot of experience.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I have a small amount of dating experience, so technically I don't fit your criteria, but it still makes me anxious going on a date.


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> Would dating sims help the anxious and inexperienced?


Good question. It would be interesting to see such a thing.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

If not dating sims what about anonymous chatlines like Omegle? It's a great way to interact with strangers on a real-time basis to practice social interaction because you're under that pressure to talk immediately unlike on a forum where you can form your words before posting them.


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## WastedYouth0123 (Jan 19, 2014)

.


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

ive had two boyfriends and it never lasted longer than a few weeks with the both of them. i would like to be in a serious relationship that lasts.


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## Ineko (Jan 5, 2014)

I've had a few boyfriends that I never really "dated".
We talked to each other til we were like "hey I really like you, wanna like be a couple?"
so no I'm in a place that I would like to meet someone, and yeah actually going on dates, nope don't wanna


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

prettyful said:


> ive had two boyfriends and it never lasted longer than a few weeks with the both of them. i would like to be in a serious relationship that lasts.


Why is that?



Ineko said:


> I've had a few boyfriends that I never really "dated".
> We talked to each other til we were like "hey I really like you, wanna like be a couple?"
> so no I'm in a place that I would like to meet someone, and yeah actually going on dates, nope don't wanna


How do you have boyfriends without going official in the first place?


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## Ineko (Jan 5, 2014)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> Why is that?
> 
> How do you have boyfriends without going official in the first place?


Meaning I "date" them, most people go places and spend time together before they decide to be a couple. I've never done that, I just talk online or via phone become exclusive then do couple stuff together

if that doesn't make sense sorry:um


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Ineko said:


> Meaning I "date" them, most people go places and spend time together before they decide to be a couple. I've never done that, I just talk online or via phone become exclusive then do couple stuff together
> 
> if that doesn't make sense sorry:um


So you become official through talking first then do the couple stuff together but haven't done that 'couple stuff together part yet'?

:con The detective part of me is glowing...


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