# Need answers on how do you do things when you don't drive?



## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSharkG1RL (Dec 31, 2014)

Hi, I posted a couple days ago about my driving fear . . . This of course has held me back from doing ALOT of things. I recently know for sure I want to go to school and I want to go this YEAR (2015) but, I live somewhat far away from the university and there is no bus system or any one I can ask to take me to and from school. Secondly I don't even know how to go about entering school. I have no idea what college life is like. All I know is I need a career, my dad told me the skills I have now are only worth $8 is why I can't get a high paying job because I haven't gone to college yet... I'm 25. . . I took a pretty long break after I graduated high school I guess you could say. But, i'm REALLY stuck. On top of it I have to force myself to have goals or things to strive for because in reality I could really care-less. I just want to do what I want when I want it. And to get lots of money at one time. I don't have an accomplishment filter well for one I hate living a minimal lifestyle and like i've never had more then $500 at one time. . So I just feel like a loser. And why would I feel accomplished when my pay checks have only ever been small amounts. I don't have a job right now because I hate breaking my back for some pointless amount of money a week. . I quit my job that I had a gas station for 3 years, 2 months ago. . and Ugh. I just gotta get on the ball and QUICK. I say alot of stuff but, I'm past letting it control me. I know I just have to buckle down and do stuff. . . . But, biggest issue. I don't drive. and No friends ect. No boyfriend. No family. Help if you have answers. . . .


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Getting over your fear of driving should be your number one priority. Having a really good driving instructor should help ease your driving fears. Let me know if I can help in anyway. I was afraid of driving, got my license at age 17 but did not start driving until I was your age, at 25. 

I don't recommend going to university unless you major in something that will land you a good high paying job. Right now a lot of graduates are having trouble getting jobs and paying off their loans. People I know who are doing well studied finance, accounting, anything computer related, anything science/medical related. What did you want to study? What is your dream job? Another good option, probably the best option, is to start your own business. Sure, you can make good money landing a good job but with a business, there is no limit, plus you have more freedom. I'm currently unable to work and drive due to an ongoing illness. So, I'm working on making money from home. Some people run multimillion dollar businesses from home, so it can definitely be done. You're 25, if you don't act now, you're going to end up in the same place at 30. Make those plans and act on them now because the next 5 years will go by fast.


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSharkG1RL (Dec 31, 2014)

Hey thanks for responding to me! I thought I wasn't going to get any responses. & I have no idea what I want to go to school for. That's been the problem. Well straight out of high school I was like I have no idea what I want to do. and I didn't want to make a mistake and have to pay back a bunch of loans. But, I still haven't figured it out. . and Hmm I do want to start my own business. It is something I think about a lot. I make home-made dog biscuits right now. Called Bethie's Biscuits. But, before that I thought of a hot dog cart named Diva Dogs. . I have no idea. I know I need to make a plan and act QUICK. and driving... im fine driving I just HATE other cars on the road. They make me so nervous I feel like i'm going to explode. Like I can drive short distances, very short I mean. But, when I drive out further the cars are just everywhere and I freak if I know itll be hard to turn around and get home quick. So it's like a mixture of other cars, and freaked about unfamiliar areas. It's been such a struggle to fix my brain about it. Like I have to just keep being like "you're in no real danger" but it doesn't help / doesn't make me drive farther distances. . :/ hmm can some people just be broken ? ? like I will never have kids ever due to I feel like they'll have a broken brain just like me + life sucks and is way too absurd/unfair. I couldn't burden my child with that. Lol. anyways. I'm here so I have to make the best of it. I have many wants. So I can't just sit around and wait for it to happen anymore. Sorry rambling a bit. But, when I was a kid I thought I was magical for real. And it's been a devastating reality getting older like dude no, nothing is in my control at all. Good deeds don't make good things happen, karma may not exist, God doesn't answer me, why was I given such a broken brain, had my first panic attack in 2014, a severe one. So now I have anticipatory anxiety. I have a job interview at a dollar store in a few days and I just feel like what if I have a panic attack at it like I did at my last job which made me quit. I'm guessing most people who have panic/anxiety have to fight through it. This 'illness' really makes you feel like an idiot because you don't know when's appropriate to say No I can't do this or when to 'suck it up' and fight ect. I remember before I had anxiety/SA I used to think people who had panic attacks or anxiety that it lasted only like 5seconds or less and then they went about their business. And I wondered why it was something that people were like omgg. this blows about. Cause it's not like a tiny lil dizzy sensation or something. It's totally crazy and can last for several minutes (as you know) and makes you feel like you're losing your mind or that you're not in your body anymore. aka a mind trick. which you have to tell yourself is what my counselor said is just keep being like its my mind trying to trick my body. . . . anyways. thanks for responding. I hope I can emerge from the rubble some how. :| I hope you feel better as well.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

Perhaps, you could upskill by doing a trade/ through community college, but first choose the area you want to study by researching the market. There are many ppl who change careers for an alternative/better lifestyle and of course improved pay. Like lilyamongthorns noted, a degree doesn't necessarily mean it will be beneficial to your chances of getting your desired job -- there's too many competition. Try to assess your personality and natural abilities, and whether it would fit in with that job sector because that is when you'll be more prone to excel and enjoy your job and be enthused to learn/extend your knowledge. 

With the driving issue, I think it is extremely essential for you to overcome the fear. Hypnotherapy may alleviate your driving anxiety to a state that is not punctuated by dread and where you can start learning to relax whenever you think or have to drive. Trust me, I'm anxious-ridden whenever it comes to driving but practice makes a huge impact in the bear minimum. That is, driving to school, groceries, etc..If you have someone beside you going to school a few times, you can also familiarize yourself with the route which lessens that unpredictability factor. Try to be brave, and good luck!


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSharkG1RL (Dec 31, 2014)

catcharay said:


> Perhaps, you could upskill by doing a trade/ through community college, but first choose the area you want to study by researching the market. There are many ppl who change careers for an alternative/better lifestyle and of course improved pay. Like lilyamongthorns noted, a degree doesn't necessarily mean it will be beneficial to your chances of getting your desired job -- there's too many competition. Try to assess your personality and natural abilities, and whether it would fit in with that job sector because that is when you'll be more prone to excel and enjoy your job and be enthused to learn/extend your knowledge.
> 
> With the driving issue, I think it is extremely essential for you to overcome the fear. Hypnotherapy may alleviate your driving anxiety to a state that is not punctuated by dread and where you can start learning to relax whenever you think or have to drive. Trust me, I'm anxious-ridden whenever it comes to driving but practice makes a huge impact in the bear minimum. That is, driving to school, groceries, etc..If you have someone beside you going to school a few times, you can also familiarize yourself with the route which lessens that unpredictability factor. Try to be brave, and good luck!


Thank you... I will try to be brave.. I'd like to get hypnotized tho  i'd really hope it worked. and thanks for the school info I signed up for a big university recently but, then found out about this school its called Fortis where "bums" can go, which I'm used to working with / being around bums i'm comfortable with people who arent my peers and I was thinking of going there but my therapist was like but thats your comfort level / you're not going to be challenging yourself around the bums .. . I duno I recently got a dollar store job like a day ago and i've been freaking about that. I get so much anxiety when I work with the public. I just have to think like if I start to feel anxiety, like what if you had anxiety and you said to me " Hey I'm not feeling okay I feel kinda anxious and odd can I step out for a minute? " If you said that to me I WOULD NOT think you are crazy or weird. So I have to think about that that those people arent going to think anything of it. My bosses I mean. . Thanks again. <3


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

I feel yah, Im 23 and just getting back into school..

Id definitely get a trade, you don't want to spend 4 years to get a degree (I mean it'd be different if you were young like eighteen) 

had the same talk w/ a coworker, who's 26 and in the same boat...


and even though I have a job ..im really sucky at it, like..i don't know why Im still there XD only 3-4 hrs..so sad

like i feel like a child trying to be an adult.. and I have a fear of driving too, but having a car is worlds better than taking the bus..especially when its cold and rainy...

there is no heat on the busses -___- 


so w just have to be brave :3 


we'll make it through.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

SharkG1RL said:


> Thank you... I will try to be brave.. I'd like to get hypnotized tho  i'd really hope it worked. and thanks for the school info I signed up for a big university recently but, then found out about this school its called Fortis where "bums" can go, which I'm used to working with / being around bums i'm comfortable with people who arent my peers and I was thinking of going there but my therapist was like but thats your comfort level / you're not going to be challenging yourself around the bums .. . I duno I recently got a dollar store job like a day ago and i've been freaking about that. I get so much anxiety when I work with the public. I just have to think like if I start to feel anxiety, like what if you had anxiety and you said to me " Hey I'm not feeling okay I feel kinda anxious and odd can I step out for a minute? " If you said that to me I WOULD NOT think you are crazy or weird. So I have to think about that that those people arent going to think anything of it. My bosses I mean. . Thanks again. <3


Well done with the job, whoo! Customer interaction can be v. anxiety inducing but if it looks like you''re doing the best and being helpful..then they will no doubt appreciate it. Definitely, I think ppl would be understanding if you reveal your anxiety problems so keep thinking that if it helps you feel less pressurized.. the mind can be tricked if thoughts are habitual. The main goal is to focus on your work performance to keep it at its optimum level so you're confident and your anxiety won't affect you intensely. Good luck..you've done good:clap


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSharkG1RL (Dec 31, 2014)

Thanks sugarslippers. Yes we must be brave. Seriously once you drive, driving comes naturally like riding a bike it's those darn other cars on the road that freak me out. I just have to not worry about them, in the same way that I try not to worry what people think about me. Because that's part of it I'm worried what they're thinking about my driving, am I too slow, do I suck, ect. Cause some people can be so ZOOMY around you it's annoying. Like dude... there is no large reason to pass me for reals unless it's an emergency. and hmmm. so you think getting a trade is better? ? What about doing hair and nails? I've wanted to do that FOR A LONG TIME. but, since schooling is a subject I am un-knowledgeable in, I just believe WHATEVER people tell me. & I heard hair and nails is a hard job once you're in it because it's hard to gain clients. I already have decent skill set in hair and nails tho. I'm decent at dyeing hair and somewhat cutting, I just suck at cutting mens hair. I'd love to learn how to do ethnic hair... anyways. Thanks for your support SSlippers. <3 ... & Thank you catcharay !! Im trying to be "excited" like I posted on Facebook that I got the job at a dollar store and it had so many congrats and likes and in my head I was like 0_o it's very odd that you're supposed to be happy or excited about getting a job, cause to me, a job is like a waste of a lifetime esp if its something you dont want to do. And after a while of me being at a job in the past no matter how much I told myself yay I have a job i'd be like 0_0 omg. . . i'd rather die then be an employee for a few pennies a week. . . to me it feels like i'm getting paid pennies in comparison to what like a football player makes or something. -_- man I shouldn't have been born unless my fam was royalty. or lol it feels like i'm getting paid in crayons. xD and then if I have a boyfriend which I don't (thank god) I usually find bum type boyfriends who want to borrow money from me and I used to be like, I got 5 CRAYONS from working this week, and you want to take 3 of my crayons ?!? they'd be like uhhh  yeah. . . I just hate.. anyways thank you tho for being happy for me i'm going to stay positive cause I know it just hurts me to be mad about it. So im going to be a drone. <3


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## bfs (Jan 9, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> *like i feel like a child trying to be an adult..*


This is me in a nut shell.

Funny example yesterday I had to return some headphones and I'm always confused of what to do when it comes to mailing stuff and the worker there didn't say anything but I know in her mind she was like "wtf is wrong with you" lol.

Having to go to UPS and mail something is the absolute worse for me...

But yeah I live in NYC so I don't really need to drive but at the same time I feel immature not knowing how to at least...


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

SharkG1RL said:


> Hi, I posted a couple days ago about my driving fear . . . This of course has held me back from doing ALOT of things. I recently know for sure I want to go to school and I want to go this YEAR (2015) but, I live somewhat far away from the university and there is no bus system or any one I can ask to take me to and from school. Secondly I don't even know how to go about entering school. I have no idea what college life is like. All I know is I need a career, my dad told me the skills I have now are only worth $8 is why I can't get a high paying job because I haven't gone to college yet... I'm 25. . . I took a pretty long break after I graduated high school I guess you could say. But, i'm REALLY stuck. On top of it I have to force myself to have goals or things to strive for because in reality I could really care-less. I just want to do what I want when I want it. And to get lots of money at one time. I don't have an accomplishment filter well for one I hate living a minimal lifestyle and like i've never had more then $500 at one time. . So I just feel like a loser. And why would I feel accomplished when my pay checks have only ever been small amounts. I don't have a job right now because I hate breaking my back for some pointless amount of money a week. . I quit my job that I had a gas station for 3 years, 2 months ago. . and Ugh. I just gotta get on the ball and QUICK. I say alot of stuff but, I'm past letting it control me. I know I just have to buckle down and do stuff. . . . But, biggest issue. I don't drive. and No friends ect. No boyfriend. No family. Help if you have answers. . . .


You can get around on the bus, try to make friends, friends are here to help us and we help them, everyone needs friends, humans are social beings, we are healthier when we have friends, when we celebrate life with them, and when we help them.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

SharkG1RL said:


> Hey thanks for responding to me! I thought I wasn't going to get any responses. & I have no idea what I want to go to school for. That's been the problem. Well straight out of high school I was like I have no idea what I want to do. and I didn't want to make a mistake and have to pay back a bunch of loans. But, I still haven't figured it out. . and Hmm I do want to start my own business. It is something I think about a lot. I make home-made dog biscuits right now. Called Bethie's Biscuits. But, before that I thought of a hot dog cart named Diva Dogs. . I have no idea. I know I need to make a plan and act QUICK. and driving... im fine driving I just HATE other cars on the road. They make me so nervous I feel like i'm going to explode. Like I can drive short distances, very short I mean. But, when I drive out further the cars are just everywhere and I freak if I know itll be hard to turn around and get home quick. So it's like a mixture of other cars, and freaked about unfamiliar areas. It's been such a struggle to fix my brain about it. Like I have to just keep being like "you're in no real danger" but it doesn't help / doesn't make me drive farther distances. . :/ hmm can some people just be broken ? ? like I will never have kids ever due to I feel like they'll have a broken brain just like me + life sucks and is way too absurd/unfair. I couldn't burden my child with that. Lol. anyways. I'm here so I have to make the best of it. I have many wants. So I can't just sit around and wait for it to happen anymore. Sorry rambling a bit. But, when I was a kid I thought I was magical for real. And it's been a devastating reality getting older like dude no, nothing is in my control at all. Good deeds don't make good things happen, karma may not exist, God doesn't answer me, *why was I given such a broken brain, had my first panic attack in 2014, a severe one. So now I have anticipatory anxiety.* I have a job interview at a dollar store in a few days and I just feel like what if I have a panic attack at it like I did at my last job which made me quit. I'm guessing most people who have panic/anxiety have to fight through it. This 'illness' really makes you feel like an idiot because you don't know when's appropriate to say No I can't do this or when to 'suck it up' and fight ect. I remember before I had anxiety/SA I used to think people who had panic attacks or anxiety that it lasted only like 5seconds or less and then they went about their business. And I wondered why it was something that people were like omgg. this blows about. Cause it's not like a tiny lil dizzy sensation or something. It's totally crazy and can last for several minutes (as you know) and makes you feel like you're losing your mind or that you're not in your body anymore. aka a mind trick. which you have to tell yourself is what my counselor said is just keep being like its my mind trying to trick my body. . . . anyways. thanks for responding. I hope I can emerge from the rubble some how. :| I hope you feel better as well.


This, i feel like I have a broken brain.... my friend looked at me weird b/c i still couldn't find my way around after being on campus abt 2 weeks.. and im like... dude... if you knew the anxiety I deal w/..you'd know..Im just trying to function (get by) : /

but congratz on the job 

you seem really amazing, I'd love to talk to you more b/c we share the same trials and you seem like a good person


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSharkG1RL (Dec 31, 2014)

Sugarslippers said:


> This, i feel like I have a broken brain.... my friend looked at me weird b/c i still couldn't find my way around after being on campus abt 2 weeks.. and im like... dude... if you knew the anxiety I deal w/..you'd know..Im just trying to function (get by) : /
> 
> but congratz on the job
> 
> you seem really amazing, I'd love to talk to you more b/c we share the same trials and you seem like a good person


aww thanks sugarslips. I can tell you are very awesome as well ! If you lived in ohio i'd sooo be like let's chill  we both love grav3yardgirl which is sweet and we both have the same issues, if either of us figures out the answers to our probs I will definitely share with you my story of how I got through something.... Like today I had my first panic attack at my new job actually. and it sucked I felt totally crazy but, like I had to do all this testing on the computer right well you'd think I wouldn't have panic i'm on a computer all the time. Well after about 2 hours of reading my eyes started to blur together and I wasnt on any of my meds or anything and I had eaten pizza so I have no idea what the factors were that made my eyes blur and me have panic. . well anyways I started freaking out that I couldn't see and I work at a dollar store so I got up and borrowed a pair of reading glasses off of the shelf to see if that would help.. It didnt my eyes were still blurring together when I tried to read anything so I went into the bathroom (luckily no one was around and I could just get up and leave what I was doing) and I started to feel like out of body experience you know what I mean like when you look at the wall and everything feels crazy and unfamiliar & you feel like you're about to die or have a heartattack I got that feeling and I was like oh shoot so I splashed my face with water and that didn't help it just made me feel droplets on my face. So I went outside to get fresh air and that didnt help either so I just went and sat back at the computer and I kept breathing slow and watching my breathing. and I kept making myself cough for some reason. Nothing took it away but time..... after about 10 mins or less I started to be okay-ish.. Luckily one thing about anxiety / panic is that it factually doesn't last for hours on end ect. it just sucks..... so anyways my success of the story is to let yourself just feel the anxiety / panic DO NOT fight it, try to act as professional as you possibly can (if youre at school or work) and if you have to talk to someone just say you don't feel well and need a second and get to an area where you can be alone and take as much time as you need until you feel strong enough. close your eyes maybe for a while. just know it doesn't last to to long. and just wait and breathe. .. it's hard i know. it makes me sad. . .broken brains SUCK. <3 thanks for hitting me up. ill talk to you soon probably. - love beth.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

I only learned how to drive when I was 21. I was terrified of driving. The very first thing I did was borrow my parents car and drive in circles around my driveway and backyard (we had a large backyard) to get comfortable with the feeling of the car and being behind the wheel. After a few weeks I was very confident with going in circles, turning on and off the engine, going in reverse, breaking, turning on my signals, looking at my mirrors etc...just little things like that. I think I ventured out a few times onto the street in front of my house but would freeze up if I saw a car coming, even if it was super far away. And could not even THINK about going out into regular streets with lights and traffic and all that. The thought of it made me panic.

Next thing was my parents literally got me an instructor without telling me about it and basically forced me to go. Its where a driving instructor sits in the passenger seat next to you (in a special car where the passenger side has break and gas pedals as well as you so that your teacher can correct your mistakes in case of an emergency, it made me feel safer) and tells you where to drive and what to do. My first time I think I started driving on the wrong side of the road and some other stupid mistakes that discouraged me, but the lessons were 3 hours long each time so I had no choice but to keep going even if I felt scared. I think my biggest fear was being the first in line at a light. I had a lot of adrenaline pumping through me the entire time. But I was forced to do it for a week every day. We went through school zones, round abouts, practiced parking, being in different speed zones, controlling my speed, reading signs, changing lanes, turning, yielding...It was the best thing ever for my driving phobia. With my new confidence I started driving to close by places like the grocery store, with my parents in the car. Then I would go by myself.

Then my parents bought me a car. Very very happy that day  My own car.

The fourth thing that helped me tremendously (because at this point I could drive but only if the place I was going to was very close, I had to always use a gps and would never take freeways) was me and my family were going to move from las vegas to Miami, by car!! And we all had to take our own cars. I was TERRIFIED!! The trip took about 8 days, 8 hours a day, constantly on the freeway, going at high speeds, through heavy traffic, even at one point through a hurricane weather with ZERO visibility!!...but as the days went by I got very comfortable. Granted I was following my parents' car the entire time...but I would have my windows open, my radio on, taking photos while driving, looking at the scenery...I actually ended up having fun.

Now I have zero fear of driving, im actually quite good at it, and I enjoy it. I have never been in an accident, I'm always in the left lane with the fast drivers, I can change lanes in any situation, weave through traffic... The only thing I fear is getting lost so I always take my gps. But im constantly going to new and unfamiliar places, far away places...and I consistently visit my parents who live in a different state now, 5 hours away. I have broken down a couple of times (once in the middle of a busy freeway!) but those types of things just make me a better and better driver. My next hurdle will be trying to learn the map and going places without a gps. Oh and parallel parking.

I know its not what you want to hear but you have to just face your fear and learn how to drive! It is definitely worth it! I look back at the times I was scared and think to myself how silly I was being! Driving is fun, the feeling of going fast and being control of your vehicle is amazing! Im actually considering taking an advanced driving course where you learn tricks and stuff, just for fun. Sign up for a week long driving class, just one on one with an instructor. and just force yourself to do it. The teacher will be there to help you feel less scared.


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