# Confrontation by teachers/professors



## tranquilheart (Jul 7, 2011)

I'm just curious as to if anyone has been confronted by a teacher/professor (in front of the whole class) regarding not speaking in class?

In one of the classes I'm taking currently, we occasionally have class debates. My professor divides the class into 2 groups, where we all discuss the issue/topic & come to a consensus. Then both groups state their opinion/thoughts. 

Today in my group a few people were discussing the subject.. while I couldn't think of what to say/contribute. In this type of situation there are usually people who tend to dominate the group & don't leave much room for anyone else to speak. There was only one other guy in my group who didn't say anything.

Anyway, my group announces that we're ready to talk about what we've discussed. We picked one person to be the speaker. My professor informs everyone that in future classes, everyone will have to speak for a group. 

After both groups spoke, my professor stands in front of my desk and asks (in front of the entire class) "Did you contribute anything/talk? You need to start doing that." I was so so so embarrassed. Then when he asked the other guy in my group that didn't speak if he participated, the boy lied & said yes.

I can appreciate that my professor may have been trying to be encouraging, but the last thing that's going to make me WANT to speak in the class is being humiliated in front of my peers. Also, the fact my professor was near my group when the discussion was going on & more than likely already noticed I wasn't speaking the entire time, makes me feel singled out.

Perhaps I'm being too sensitive over this situation, but this was the second incident of a Professor confronting me about being quiet this week. The first occurred on Tuesday, when a Professor asked me what grade he gave me on a paper (an A) and he said to me "Well, it would be a higher A if you talked more in class discussions."

I just don't know. Ever since I've been in school the fact that being quiet gets treated like an abomination is beyond me. I learn so much more from listening than talking the entire class. If I were the opposite, never stopped talking or texting in class, then I can understand confronting me.. but over simply being quiet? 

Sorry, for the long post, I just wanted to see if anyone else on the forum has had the same/similar experiences.


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## santhauro (Feb 14, 2013)

All of the time. All. Of. The. Time. I've never been singled out in front of a class-that's so rude of your professor-but I've been pulled aside after class and told I need to start speaking up in class, or asked why I'm so quiet. One professor I had practically jumped me on my way out of class one day and bluntly laid it down on the line that my "participation grade" would be effected if I didn't start making comments. I was so startled at being confronted like that, and so embarrassed, that I started crying... a lot. And that was even more embarrassing... but then she offered to talk it through with me if I went to her office hours. So I did, and, as I explained how anxious I was to speak out in class, it was clear she didn't understand, she even _laughed_ at things I said. And would sometimes laugh at things I haphazardly stuttered out in class from then on. I don't know why, or what I was saying that was so goddamn amusing. It's like, _thanks lady, you're sensitivity and support really inspires me to take the stand..._

And another professor once said to me, "You're very quiet in class. Why is that?" And since I didn't feel like splaying my crazy all over the place at the time, I just said, "Oh, sometimes I get a little stage fright." And she tells me "Don't be, we're all adults here, nobody is judging you." _Oh. OK. So I just "don't be" so terrified out of my mind to the point of losing a sense of reality when I mean to say something in front of a large group of people. Yes, thank you, you're right, that's it! I simply won't be from now on. Sweet Jesus, it's a miracle! You're words have set me free!_

...sorry for all the snark. What you said about how being quiet is treated like an abomination definitely resonated with me. I learn much more by simply listening too, but apparently it would seem that listening doesn't show we're engaged enough. Or contributing enough. But like you said, there are usually those few who dominate the discussion. And I say good for them, let em have at it. Let them be good at what they do, which is talking, while I stay good at what I do, which is listen. It's not that I'm not participating in the class, listening and taking notes and considering the topic at hand. I'm just doing so quietly. And while the professor may _think_ they're being encouraging, they're going about it an unhelpful, unsympathetic manner.

I never understood why it wasn't OK to be quiet in class either. I was always so grateful for the professors who let it slide for once.


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## Noely G (Feb 19, 2012)

This year my professor had a little talk with me. It wasn't really a "confrontation" in fact, a lot of good came out of it. He sort of asked me why I was so quiet and "reserved" that was the word he used. He was concerned that something was wrong with me. He said I was one of the smartest students he has had, but that the class would never know it because I never said anything. He remembered me from last year because that's when I had him. He made an effort to find me and talk to me which I did appreciate. I guess a "friendship" formed. He wants to help look for accounting jobs too. Nice guy. It was wrong of your professor to do that, but not all professors are like that. If anything major happens again with you I think you should talk to him.


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## Yori (Feb 15, 2013)

That's ****ing retarded. Class discussion is supposed to help with learning, and if someone is getting an A without it, clearly they don't need it to benefit it. Penalizing someone for not talking in class just seems ironic.

Anyway maybe you should talk to your prof if you're really distressed about it. Don't forget to show your anxiety. It may sound embarrassing but in the long run it'll benefit.


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## Yori (Feb 15, 2013)

santhauro said:


> All of the time. All. Of. The. Time. I've never been singled out in front of a class-that's so rude of your professor-but I've been pulled aside after class and told I need to start speaking up in class, or asked why I'm so quiet. One professor I had practically jumped me on my way out of class one day and bluntly laid it down on the line that my "participation grade" would be effected if I didn't start making comments. I was so startled at being confronted like that, and so embarrassed, that I started crying... a lot. And that was even more embarrassing... but then she offered to talk it through with me if I went to her office hours. So I did, and, as I explained how anxious I was to speak out in class, it was clear she didn't understand, she even _laughed_ at things I said. And would sometimes laugh at things I haphazardly stuttered out in class from then on.
> 
> I never understood why it wasn't OK to be quiet in class either. I was always so grateful for the professors who let it slide for once.


What a sadistic freak dillhole the one who laughed was. Maybe you could've talked to a head about it, and highlight that she laughed at your crying and she frightened you, even if it was more offensive and disgusting than frightening.

In the mean time, I'd beg to do extra work or something to prove you really don't need class discussion to learn.


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## snapethemusical (Jan 24, 2013)

I haven't had it happen yet, but I'm totally expecting it to happen soon. My Spanish prof will randomly call on me to get me to talk during class, so I wouldn't be surprised if he said something to me. My history prof is really big on participation and that worries me to no end. I've raised my hand a few times in class and she always calls on me, but I'm terrified she'll say something to me about it. I really hate participation grades.


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## frimasdejanvier (Feb 24, 2013)

That's horrible! I rarely had classes in university with participation grades. But when I did, my anxiety went through the roof. Often, I would just take a bad grade instead of dealing with the stress. And I was obsessed with my grades too, so that just goes to show you how much anxiety I had.


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

participation is like the tiniest part of the grade typically isn't it, and if it's not even going to kill it but only _hurt_ it if you don't volunteer to talk then i would just forget about talking. and like focus on the other parts of the grade which don't require speaking up in class. the professor saying it's going to 'effect your grade' sternly is just an intimidation tactic since kids are so obsessed with their grades, when the truth is that it really won't - not by much.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

Yes, it's happened before. What's even better is how they never offer any support whatsoever and somehow have no understanding of the concepts of shyness and anxiety.


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## talkswithkeyboard (Dec 28, 2010)

I pray that I get classes that are "normal" lectures where the professor does all the talking, but that doesn't happen very often since class sizes at my colleges are reasonable enough for discussions.

I've had professors ask me, "do you ever talk?" in front of other classmates. It's a joke to them but I get offended by it... Not necessarily going into a rage or anything, I just think it's rude and shrug it off yet still taking it as advice to talk a little more.

For a class that holds debates, I wouldn't be surprised by a professor asking students to speak up. It's the same as classes that force you to do presentations, though debates would be more nerve wracking for me.

For you, OP, just remember that you've got a team behind you. Even if there's a rebuttal or whatever, at least if you get stumped I'm sure one of the alphas will take over as they usually do.


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## Ellie242424 (Jan 4, 2013)

tbyrfan said:


> somehow have no understanding of the concepts of shyness and anxiety.


THIS! I feel like most of my lecturers at university just automatically assume that everyone is this confident person who can speak in class or read from a book or do a presentation. I avoid any situation where I have to do this and it's really bad.

When I was in school, I had this one teacher who always used to make me really nervous. She was the type of teacher that would ask you anything just out of the blue. Anyway, one day she'd asked us a question or something, and went round the class, and of course I was last and this made my anxiety worse, my heart was beating, I think I was on the verge of a panic attack and then when she got to me she said something like 'and now you, I can see you're doing breathing excersies' and I was mortified that I was so nervous about something so little. It was humiliating. I just tried to laugh it off and went bright red.

Now I'm at university, I'm happy to listen instead of speak in class, like my English class which I feel pretty relaxed in for an education environment. I went up to her at the end of the class to give her some work, and most of the people had gone from the room, and she just gently said 'try and speak' but that was okay, because it was out of genuine concern that she wants me to understand the work.

However, for my other class, which is quite 'practical' you have to present ideas to the rest of the group, and I don't feel relaxed so I've missed every session.

Argh, sometimes I wonder if education was the right choice for me. Feels like I'm never going to get anywhere in this world because everyone expects me to be confident.


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