# One Night Stand



## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

With someone I met on POF...
Good or bad idea?
I just don't want to be a virgin anymore and I could care less anymore who it is.
He wants me to go to his house tonight.I think I'm going to do it.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

If you truly think you won't regret it and will use protection, go ahead. Personally I think it'd be more fulfilling to wait for someone you care about a lot.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

I lost mine in a one night stand, I don't regret it or anything like that but I wish I could have lost to a girl I dated, a girlfriend.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

laura024 said:


> If you truly think you won't regret it and will use protection, go ahead. Personally I think it'd be more fulfilling to wait for someone you care about a lot.


I don't think that will ever happen. I might as well just get the deed done. I'm also prety bored and lonely. I don't have any friends. I don't have much of a future.


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Have you actually met this guy before?


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

Ignoring the emotional side of things (are you genuinely ready to have sex? Are you in a good enough place for it to be healthy?) - have you given any consideration to your personal safety?


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

While I'm not a big fan of the idea of having sex just for sex, looking at this objectively I would say that if this is something you really want to do, then do it as safely as possible. If you haven't even met him before and are going straight to his place, I'd say that's a bit worrisome. Is there a way you can meet elsewhere and at least eat something, spend some time together, get a feel for him as a person? If you see that he's a complete psycho you can still get out of that situation.

Going in blind is fairly risky. Once you're at his place, that's kind of putting him into the power position for the rest of the night and horrible people will take advantage of that. Don't let desperation lead you to making mistakes.

If you're absolutely going to do it, at least let someone know where you're going. Better safe than sorry. And protection is an absolute must.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Innamorata said:


> Have you actually met this guy before?


 No. I've just seen him on Skype


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> With someone I met on POF...
> Good or bad idea?
> I just don't want to be a virgin anymore and I could care less anymore who it is.
> He wants me to go to his house tonight.I think I'm going to do it.


Are you not going to dated the guy a while first? Get to know him? You may find that you don't like him personally. Would you rather you find that out after or before?

Be careful meeting people on the internet. I met someone online and I had a 3 year relationship. We got on great, but I think that I got lucky. This guy might be great and you might get along like a house on fire, or it could turn out differently. 19 isn't really that bad. No reason why you can't wait a little longer just to make sure that you will look back on it favourably.

Otherwise, I say go on. Take the initiative. Too many people on here are griping about not getting it but they don't seem to want to sort it out.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Siertes said:


> While I'm not a big fan of the idea of having sex just for sex, looking at this objectively I would say that if this is something you really want to do, then do it as safely as possible. If you haven't even met him before and are going straight to his place, I'd say that's a bit worrisome. Is there a way you can meet elsewhere and at least eat something, spend some time together, get a feel for him as a person? If you see that he's a complete psycho you can still get out of that situation.
> 
> Going in blind is fairly risky. Once you're at his place, that's kind of putting him into the power position for the rest of the night and horrible people will take advantage of that. Don't let desperation lead you to making mistakes.
> 
> If you're absolutely going to do it, at least let someone know where you're going. Better safe than sorry. And protection is an absolute must.


Who should I tell? I don't have anyone who cares enough for me to tell it to.
Either I go **** him, or end up staying the whole night in my room AGAIN


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Kathykook said:


> No. I've just seen him on Skype


Why don't you go out on a few dates with him first?

Maybe a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship develops, then when sex comes it wouldn't even be a one night stand.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

jonny neurotic said:


> Are you not going to dated the guy a while first? Get to know him? You may find that you don't like him personally. Would you rather you find that out after or before?
> 
> Be careful meeting people on the internet. I met someone online and I had a 3 year relationship. We got on great, but I think that I got lucky. This guy might be great and you might get along like a house on fire, or it could turn out differently. 19 isn't really that bad. No reason why you can't wait a little longer just to make sure that you will look back on it favourably.
> 
> Otherwise, I say go on. Take the initiative. Too many people on here are griping about not getting it but they don't seem to want to sort it out.


I honestly don't want anything to do with him after it happens. I probably won't talk to him ever again


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> No. I've just seen him on Skype


And you would go to his house? How do you know that he's not a complete psycho? Something really bad could happen.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I think you should wait it out. Think about it clearly. Don't make decisions while you're feeling lonely and vulnerable, because emotions too often cloud our logic. You might very well regret it later.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Innamorata said:


> And you would go to his house? How do you know that he's not a complete psycho? Something really bad could happen.


I don't really care. If I get ****ed, good. If I get killed, then even better.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> I don't really care. If I get ****ed, good. If I get killed, then even better.


Then why the hell are you even asking peoples opinions?


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## Innamorata (Sep 20, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> I don't really care. If I get ****ed, good. If I get killed, then even better.


Well if that's how you feel, I feel sorry for you.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

jonny neurotic said:


> Then why the hell are you even asking peoples opinions?


 Because I have no one to tell it to.... at least SOMEONE out there in the world will know.


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Who should I tell? I don't have anyone who cares enough for me to tell it to.
> Either I go **** him, or end up staying the whole night in my room AGAIN


No even family or small acquaintances? And though that doesn't sounds like a fun night, beats making in irreversible mistake.


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## jonny neurotic (Jan 20, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Because I have no one to tell it to.... at least SOMEONE out there in the world will know.


You crazy! I just hope the guy you are meeting up with isn't a nice guy. Otherwise I feel sorry for him...


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## Huk phin (Oct 30, 2011)

You need to be careful. Like maybe you want to make a post when you head out or something to mark the time. Than post again when you get home. That way everybody reading the thread will know you are safe.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Seems like you have self esteem issues, not sex.

Ask yourself this question, would the one night stand sex help you get better or feel better about yourself? 

I doubt it, so sex wouldn't really be the answer to your problem.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

foe said:


> Seems like you have self esteem issues, not sex.
> 
> Ask yourself this question, would the one night stand sex help you get better or feel better about yourself?
> 
> I doubt it, so sex wouldn't really be the answer to your problem.


I guess I'm just trying to prove to myself that I can be like other people.
I'm tired of being alone too.
I get more depressed being alone than anything else.


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## ShyGuy86 (Sep 17, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> I don't really care. If I get ****ed, good. If I get killed, then even better.


With the kind of people on this planet... there are fates worse than death. Do _not_ hook up with a perfect stranger you just met online.

If your only way to meet someone is online (like it was for me, so I totally know what you're going through), get to know them. Meet them for coffee, go on dates. Chat with them for a few weeks.

I know what it feels like to be alone for so long. I know how much it hurts. But there are things that hurt a lot more, don't risk it.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

Kathykook said:


> I guess I'm just trying to prove to myself that I can be like other people.
> I'm tired of being alone too.
> I get more depressed being alone than anything else.


Building friendship is what you need to work on.

I mean, you said it yourself that you wouldn't even talk to him after the sex so you'll be alone again anyway. Same lonely place, same lonely isolation state.

I'm in the same situation of being friendless too, but I'm definitely working on it. Talking to and doing study meet-ups with a couple of classmates. I'm talking to co-workers more and more, still no friendship or anything. I don't know if I'll make friends out of any of them, but I'll still keep trying.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Nothing against one-night-stands. 

But why don't you want to go on a date first with him?

You're in a time in your lie when you can choose when and where to do it. Take advantage of it, meet some guys and pick the one you like the best.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I think you should first meet him in a public place and get to know him and see what happens. I know I've done my fair share of meeting people online and doing the deed...and I'm lucky to not have anything happen to me. One incident was weird. Anyways....I'm all for doing sex when you want to and feel you are ready but the way you put it bothers me...."if I get killed, then even better" :/ Dude just be careful..I don't want some psycho raping you or something heh.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

foe said:


> Building friendship is what you need to work on.
> 
> I mean, you said it yourself that you wouldn't even talk to him after the sex so you'll be alone again anyway. Same lonely place, same lonely isolation state.
> 
> I'm in the same situation of being friendless too, but I'm definitely working on it. Talking to and doing study meet-ups with a couple of classmates. I'm talking to co-workers more and more, still no friendship or anything. I don't know if I'll make friends out of any of them, but I'll still keep trying.


I don't know how to make friends. Nor do I understand human reaction. Kinda sad but ugh =/. I tried, though. People just don't like me.
I really dislike myself for being a pathetic, friendless, lonely individual, but I am.
I've lliterally made zero friends since I've been here in college.
The amount of self hate I have for myself is endless. Im surprised this semester didn't end in suicide. I'm on the same path I've been on since gradeschool. Life can't get much better than this.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Even if you plan on having a one-night stand, you need to meet the guy first in a public place just to get a sense of what kind of person he is. Some people look completely different from their photos and some are just kind of creepy in person. You might also find that as a socially anxious person that sex with a stranger is quite nerve wracking. I get very nervous, so I really need to talk to the person for 2 or 3 hours before even trying and alcohol is necessary.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Even if you plan on having a one-night stand, you need to meet the guy first in a public place just to get a sense of what kind of person he is. Some people look completely different from their photos and some are just kind of creepy in person. You might also find that as a socially anxious person that sex with a stranger is quite nerve wracking. I get very nervous, so I really need to talk to the person for 2 or 3 hours before even trying and alcohol is necessary.


 Yea, I'm probably going to get really drunk before I go there. Then I'll just walk to his house and walk back, without a vehicle.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Yea, I'm probably going to get really drunk before I go there. Then I'll just walk to his house and walk back, without a vehicle.


I don't think it would be a good idea to get drunk with a stranger you just met. You can get tipsy but not really drunk.


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## losinghope (Mar 29, 2011)

Hey Kathykook, 
I'm so sorry for how you feel. You will regret this. Please be careful, There are some really sick people out there that will take advantage of you. And i'm sure you are a sweet person you are just in too much pain to see it right now. Please go talk to someone a counselor/a friend/family member/ or you can even Private message me. Anytime. Please be careful!


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I don't think it would be a good idea to get drunk with a stranger you just met. You can get tipsy but not really drunk.


Agreed. You'd just be begging for something bad to happen in that situation.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Siertes said:


> Agreed. You'd just be begging for something bad to happen in that situation.


No, no one is begging for something to happen..if she does get drunk the guy should be smart enough not to grab her but yeah you never know in those type of situations. I'm just paranoid and overly cautious.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Since you don't have much experience in dating, I would advise you to just talk for a few hours and if you feel like it, make out with the guy at a public place. Go home and then think about if you really want to sleep with the guy or not. If you are really lonely and want company any way you can get it, the best thing is to drag it out. Having sex with a guy is often the quickest way to lose his company.


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

meganmila said:


> No, no one is begging for something to happen..if she does get drunk the guy should be smart enough not to grab her but yeah you never know in those type of situations. I'm just paranoid and overly cautious.


You have to be overly cautious these days! I know no one is literally begging for anything bad to happen, but there are so many despicable people online and on those sites...


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Alright, I'm going. Thanks everyone for your advice.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Siertes said:


> You have to be overly cautious these days! I know no one is literally begging for anything bad to happen, but there are so many despicable people online and on those sites...


Yes I agree...but like I said I've met people online before and nothing bad happened...thankfully. So not everyone online are psychos. I actually met nice ones or respected me. But hey that's a few...


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Alright, I'm going. Thanks everyone for your advice.


Well good luck.


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Alright, I'm going. Thanks everyone for your advice.


Best of luck to you.


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## losinghope (Mar 29, 2011)

Be careful, you should post here after to let us know you are okay.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

Kathykook said:


> Alright, I'm going. Thanks everyone for your advice.


Good luck Kathy


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> With someone I met on POF...
> Good or bad idea?
> I just don't want to be a virgin anymore and I could care less anymore who it is.
> He wants me to go to his house tonight.I think I'm going to do it.


Don't do it to get rid of your virginity. If you're gonna have sex, do it to have fun at the very least.

And if it's some dude you met online, at the very least meet at a public place first and talk. Like a coffee shop, a bar, a casual restaurant hang-out, whatever. If you sleep with him on the first date, there's no shame in that. I find it pretty repulsive that society socially engineers women to believe that women who jump into bed are "****s." But I also find it equally repulsive that people are pressured into losing their virginity (ESPECIALLY MEN. But clearly women feel this social pressure too. As in Kathykook's case) so that they don't appear to be a "loser". You don't have sex for those reasons. You do it because it's fun and/or you really like/love the person.


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## LeftyFretz (Feb 12, 2011)

Oh Christ, if you want to just go.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Good luck Kathy. Lost mines the same way to a nice person, and it was fun. I hope this experience is with a nice guy and helps relieve your SA.


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## artandis (Jun 5, 2011)

If you choose to go, tell someone where you are going and who he is, what he looks like, his number, tell them you will call them after and when they should worry. And let him know you did this.

If you can't do this, don't go. 

(probably said by someone before, but it's worth saying again)


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

It sounds little dangerous. I hope you know what you are doing Kathy.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

Wouldn't be surprised if a missing person's report shows up a week later in florida....


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Syndacus said:


> Wouldn't be surprised if a missing person's report shows up a week later in florida....


Well that is great thinking right there.


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

I hope she posts again soon!


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## TinyFlutter (Jun 19, 2011)

I hope you'll be alright, Kathykook. At least post back here to let us know you're okay .


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## losinghope (Mar 29, 2011)

yes please post and let us know you are okay.


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## liktheangel (Oct 23, 2010)

I hope she's okay. Yesterday morning I watched Vanished on E! and I haven't been able to go to sleep since. There are too many creeps out there.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

This seems like a very bad idea. 

I am worried.


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

Yeah, I think we're all getting even more worried now that it's the next morning and you haven't logged in since you last posted before your meeting . Please check back and let us know how you are.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

crazy thing to do.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yea please post.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

11:40 AM. There's always the possibility she's still with the guy or something. But holy cow, this was not a rational decision to make. Picking up a guy at a bar or club might not be the safest thing in the world (though honestly you just never know sometimes. A large proportion of women are raped by men they know and trust.) But I think you lower your chances of danger significantly by meeting with the guy in-person first, getting to know him, getting a feel for him, etc. 

This guy sounds like a "class act". Just wanting to skip an actual date and skip right to the sexy time. There are lots of guys on POF and OkCupid like this. And most women puke in their mouth when they see their messages in their inbox.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Kathykook said:


> Yea, I'm probably going to get really drunk before I go there. Then I'll just walk to his house and walk back, without a vehicle.


Please tell me this is trolling. No one is that stupid, right?


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## scum (Jun 30, 2011)

> Please tell me this is trolling. No one is that stupid, right?


maybe it was just her way of faking death from SAS. not rational enough to ask for a permaban, and too aggravated and ashamed to orchestrate goodbyes. creative. we may never know.

her sarcastic impression is so deeply rooted in the toxic shame expressionism. i understand she might have been completely serious, and therefore, she should have realized that they could have just tried to do it in a public setting, limiting the overall safety risk. getting arrested for indecent exposure isn't that big of a loss here, since fifteen minutes of fame IRL can go a long way for an SAer.

i think she'll be back here tonite, because, chances are, this kid has SAD too, and his hesitation would prevent any drasticness from occurring. it also seems unlikely that someone could hurt her emotionally, nearly as much as she's prepared to add to the damage herself. case in point.

noneltheless, she does deserve some credit for taking that leap (if so), regardless of the consequence. i don't judge people based on the critical intelligence level or their decision making abilities, because that would be too hypocritical.

good luck!


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Not a wise idea at all IMO.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I admit I have done what she has done... luckily nothing happened. But yeah you can never be too sure.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

There are a lot of evil guys out there only after one thing.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Yeah but then there are also nice guys. Not every guy is some crazed sex driven evil guy.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I am one of those,pretty rare to be apparently.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Well that's not really true...but yeah. Talking about the rare thing.


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## Siertes (Oct 27, 2011)

Still no word huh? Hope she's alright. Im sure she is but just hasnt had the chance to update or simply hasnt bothered to.


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## Huk phin (Oct 30, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Not every guy is some crazed sex driven evil guy.


True. Some of us are crazed sex driven awesome guys!


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

So...is this girl still alive or what?


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

scum said:


> maybe it was just her way of faking death from SAS. not rational enough to ask for a permaban, and too aggravated and ashamed to orchestrate goodbyes. creative. we may never know.
> 
> her sarcastic impression is so deeply rooted in the toxic shame expressionism. i understand she might have been completely serious, and therefore, she should have realized that they could have just tried to do it in a public setting, limiting the overall safety risk. getting arrested for indecent exposure isn't that big of a loss here, since fifteen minutes of fame IRL can go a long way for an SAer.
> 
> ...


That's what I'm thinking as well, since her POF profile is different from what she says on here. She probably didn't go through with it and neither did the guy. That's the hopeful outcome.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Hey guys, I'm alive.


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## SPC (May 14, 2011)

good.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Hey guys, I'm alive.


How did it go?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

meganmila said:


> How did it go?


It was incredibly awkward. We did stuff on his couch and he offered me some food. We did not go all the way, and he tried to get me to smoke pot. I stayed at his house and he invited some friends over. I barely said anything


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> It was incredibly awkward. We did stuff on his couch and he offered me some food. We did not go all the way, and he tried to get me to smoke pot. I stayed at his house and he invited some friends over. I barely said anything


So, you're still a virgin?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

BobtheSaint said:


> So, you're still a virgin?


Yes


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> It was incredibly awkward. We did stuff on his couch and he offered me some food. We did not go all the way, and he tried to get me to smoke pot. I stayed at his house and he invited some friends over. I barely said anything


Oh well it's always awkward the first time of meeting someone lol. Yeah I wouldn't smoke or drink anything the first time with a stranger...maybe I'm just overly paranoid I dunno. So you spent the night there?


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Oh well it's always awkward the first time of meeting someone lol. Yeah I wouldn't smoke or drink anything the first time with a stranger...maybe I'm just overly paranoid I dunno. So you spent the night there?


Yea. I slept on the couch


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Yea. I slept on the couch


Yea, well as long as you were safe and all.


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## losinghope (Mar 29, 2011)

Glad you are okay kathy


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## liktheangel (Oct 23, 2010)

I'm relieved that you're okay. I was worrying about you morning. I think everyone here was. I'm sorry that you didn't lose your virginity but maybe sometime in the future.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

Kathykook said:


> I don't know how to make friends. Nor do I understand human reaction. Kinda sad but ugh =/. I tried, though. People just don't like me.
> I really dislike myself for being a pathetic, friendless, lonely individual, but I am.
> I've lliterally made zero friends since I've been here in college.
> The amount of self hate I have for myself is endless. Im surprised this semester didn't end in suicide. I'm on the same path I've been on since gradeschool. Life can't get much better than this.


In the state you're in right no, having something bad happen to you might make things worse for you. Have you ever listened to rape survivors? Nothing about them makes me thinks it will ever be anything to just get over. It could be even harder for you if you're in a vulnerable, depressed, or low self-esteem state. It's an ordeal I wouldn't wish on anyone. You can still get the deed down and be safe. Why make things even harder or more difficult by putting your self in danger?


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

meganmila said:


> I don't think it would be a good idea to get drunk with a stranger you just met. You can get tipsy but not really drunk.


I agree. I'd want to be completely aware. I recommend only getting drunk with someone you trust.


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## wrongnumber (May 24, 2009)

Blue Bird said:


> In the state you're in right no, having something bad happen to you might make things worse for you.


Yes. You may feel like you don't care what happens to you but if something bad does happen, it will make everything so much harder.



Blue Bird said:


> I agree. I'd want to be completely aware. I recommend only getting drunk with someone you trust.


I agree with this too. Don't accept drinks and food from complete strangers and watch your drinks / food like a hawk so that it is not tampered with. I know 2 people who have been date raped due to their drink being spiked in a club. Can you imagine how much easier it is to do if you are already in their house and they are personally providing the drinks?

I also don't recommend getting high / doing drugs with someone you don't know well. They may take advantage.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Glad you're ok. That could've turned out bad.


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## Phoenix Rising (Jul 7, 2011)

I'm glad you're okay!!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Warning****
This thread was beyond words. :doh


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