# i need help to sort my life out...



## shell145 (Oct 3, 2011)

I split up with my bf of 4 and a half years about a month ago. Well he split up with me. I don't think it was because of my SA - it might have affected a few things, but not the reason.. 

But - although I'm still feeling crappy about the split, I know I need to look at myself now and work on myself. I put it off when I was with him, now I know i need to deal with it finally..

I find it very hard to make good friendships, I always have done. I've never had many friends - i find it hard to 'click' with people. I don't like being in big groups - i'm scared to make a contribution to the conversation. And when there's new people there and i'm left alone with them, i find it impossible to think of things to say... even if its people like my ex's family after 4 years...

I do have friends - but only one that I feel as relaxed and at ease with as I did with my ex. I am in a band, and get on ok with them - but if i'm left with just one of them on my own, I feel mega uncomfortable - even though we've been in the band 7 months.. 

I also do do various activities with friends - but again I don't really ever hang out with anyone of them one to one - I'd feel very uncomfortable.

So i need help. I need to sort my life out and progress, so I can be happy. 

I really want CBT - I think it's the only thing that might help me feel comfortable around people, build proper friendships - turn it so the friends I have now become close friends and make new ones... to be able to connect with people and have relationships (I'm not talking about with a man - just friendship)

Does anyone no how hard it is to get CBT on the NHS, because that's my only option... 

How long the waiting list is - I'm in Birmingham.

How I convince a doctor that I need to do it. I don't want drugs and I don't want to be fobbed off.

I really really want to get through this


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## HyperActive (Sep 28, 2011)

Hi Shell, 

I can relate to most of your statements, it usually takes me about 10 years before I am comfortable around someone. When my anxiety/P.T.S.D acts up around any number of people my speech become paralyzed. It is so obvious something is wrong sometimes I have to laugh at myself of how incompacitated I can be. Although I laugh it is so painful most of the time. 

However when I absolutely need to do something I can usually achieve it, just not in a social situation. 4 years ago when I lost my kids, house, dog and wife I thought I hit rock bottom and spend a month or two "getting better" by myself. 

It worked until recently, now I am a mess and just get by hour by hour. I am in a pretty strong relationship but it isn't fair for me to put my girlfriend through all of the ups and downs, I don't feel like there is an immediate danger of losing her but I know things can't continue like they have been and remain as strong as we are. 

I think what my point is is wanting help, accepting help and dealing with your issues is a great step. I am currently waiting to get into one of Canada's best in-patient programs but I should have done it sooner to save myself and loves ones all the grief I am putting them through now. 

I am proud of you that you are looking for help and you seem dedicated to receiving the help. I'm not too sure we can just put Mental Health issues on hold and expect them to go away. Once again i am proud of you and wish you all the best of luck finding and being receptive the the best treatment possible.


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