# how often do you get rejected



## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

I only asked out 1 girl in my life. She rejected me. I am curious as to how often guys here get rejected, if any. I just want to know if its normal or not. Because it seems to me that people don't get rejected that much.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

It happens a lot. It's part of dating but the more you experience it the less it becomes personal and the less it bothers you. Focus on what you want, stay active pursuing it and you'll get what you want. If not soon, it'll teach you much about being aggressive. It'll force you to become comfortable with doing things you wouldn't do otherwise like approaching, asking numbers, etc.

I suppose the trick of it all is staying positive and not to be hard on yourself. If you manage to stay positive you'll be more active in your pursuits, which also increases your chances.

I'm nervous about going out tonight to the bars but it's just a small part of what I have to do to meet women I want. You have to be active.


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## glarmph (May 21, 2009)

First off, 'normal' is a relative term. Second, I myself have never been rejected. But thats because I've been so crippled with SA I haven't tried to initiate a conversation with a woman since about 9 years ago, and the one and only relationship I had, she aggressivly initiated it. Damn, I just reminded myself of how lonely I really am. Keep trying though, even if you get rejected at least you have the ability to pick yourself up and try again. Eventually you'll get there.


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## numero1 (Apr 7, 2009)

Remember this line: The one who gets rejected most is the one who leaves with the most numbers.


And its true.


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## Dempsey (Jun 27, 2009)

I never get rejected, ever. I haven't actually made any moves, either.


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## shadowmask (Jun 22, 2009)

It doesn't matter how good looking, wealthy, charismatic, or popular you are, every person who puts themselves out there gets rejected eventually. It's simply a fact of life some people need to come to terms with. Being denied a relationship isn't the end of the world.


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

I've only asked out one girl in my entire life, which was to a dance in high school, and I got rejected probably because I did it online.

I like this thread though. Getting rejected is a typical thing. I just have to find the courage to go to a bar by myself and start talking to girls I've never met before.


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## brokensaint (Aug 27, 2009)

In the last year? Probably three times.


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## duskyy (Oct 23, 2009)

Never, but I never put myself in the situation to be rejected.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Rejected 9 times. Got 1 date (but no second date).


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## illlaymedown (Oct 6, 2009)

I've only asked out two guys and one said no, but he was a bit older than me and the other said yes, but ended up not talking to me after a while  I think if I really felt inside someone liked me that I liked, I would be able to ask again...oh, I did both of those online as well. My only bf asked me out through a letter :lol and he didn't have SA...


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

thepretender said:


> Never, but I never put myself in the situation to be rejected.


Ditto.

I would probably be rejected a million times (just like everyone else, but more), if I put myself out there, but I don't.

Just remember, everyone will have to face rejection sometimes.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

shadowmask said:


> It doesn't matter how good looking, wealthy, charismatic, or popular you are, every person who puts themselves out there gets rejected eventually. It's simply a fact of life some people need to come to terms with. Being denied a relationship isn't the end of the world.


^:yes

and i know you asked about guys, but as a girl, i've been rejected...3 times? i think. one had a girlfriend, the other liked someone else, and the other, uhh, didn't believe me. xD other times i was sure they'd reject me so i got over them and never asked. it's only ended up being a relationship twice for me.

*edit: *i'm not sure if it counts but i once told a female friend that i liked her and she was straight so i knew nothing would come out of it. i don't know if that's still rejection?


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Rejection is my largest fear and I avoid it like the plague. So I will only ask out someone who I am like 99% sure will say yes, thus my 1 for 1 record  But year, my fear of it is one of the main reasons I cannot randomly go up to chicks in a bar/club and chat them up etc.


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

95%. I can't keep guys either.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

only once, but I only usually ever ask if I know for sure. I wouldn't worry about rejection, it happens to everyone, I've rejected a fair amount of guys and I'm really nothing to write home about.


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## asdf (Jan 19, 2008)

ive got a 100% rejection rate in 1 attempt


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I've rejected myself 1000's of times.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

Never, but then I've only ever asked a few girls out the rest of them approached me first.


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## ch3cooh (Oct 26, 2009)

Everytime I've put myself out there except once. And that got shut down after 1 date. Every other girl I've been involved with (mostly just casual dating and occasional sex) has initiated it.


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## spacefiller (Apr 2, 2009)

Lots and lots of times but they range from diplomatic snubs to getting shot down in flames. Might be difficult or impossible depending on your situation, but distance yourself from your rejector to help you put it out of mind and move on.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

A few times... I've never been rejected when asking someone out because I only do it once I know they're interested lol. But I've been rejected when wanting something more than just a hookup. I told this guy that I wanted to date him and not just have sex but he didnt' want to date me. Probably because I am 10 years younger than him. (Funny thing is, a couple months later I met my boyfriend and this guy started texting me again and I told him I was dating someone and he goes "What?!? Man, we could have dated!" lol... dumbass.) Another guy stood me up a few times and I was totally in love with him :'( He was a jerk. 

It doesn't get my down. I "click" with certain people, I don't with others, I'm simply not attracted to some (whether it be their personality or looks), so when someone is not interested in dating me, I don't take it personal.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

An absolutely ****ing ridiculous amount of times.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

whats rejection.. :um


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

I don't know. 

I'm afraid of rejection yet I've never been rejected, since I've never even tried asking anybody out.

I know that I have turned down a few girls in the past though. I mean not literally rejecting them up front, but avoiding talking to them due to my SA. Come to think of it I had a lot of girl opportunities pass by, especially in high school. This girl even flat out gave me her phone number when I was 15 (and she was ultra hot) and I never even called her due to my SA. I regret that soooo much to this day. I'd dream of an opportunity like that now. But girls don't seem to come up to me anymore now in college.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Think of it like sales. 

Salesmen only expect to sell a certain % of clients they pitch to. You want 5 clients, gotta ask 50. You want 10, gotta ask 100. Its the market demand of dating and socialization.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*Hmm*

Fear of rejection is a bit like fear of flying. You don't have a fear of flying. You have a fear of flying one minute and falling to your death the next. Fear of rejection only has real power if the person gets rejected enough times for the dark nonsense of the thought that there's something wrong with them to seep through into the thinking. That's the fear. Not the rejection really so much as the fact that the more rejections a person gets, the stronger the body of evidence that they are unattractive or there's something wrong with them appears to get. At least in the thinking.

So much of the whole SA thing is not about beliefs as such but about things people fear might be true. If you go out there and ask people out, there's a chance you'll meet someone you connect with and you'll discover a positive truth about yourself. But there's also a chance you'll get rejected or it won't work out. And, particularly if you're dealing with depression or SA etc, getting rejected can seem like evidence of a failure of the person and that really does hurt emotionally. To many people, such a thing is simply not worth the emotional risk.

That said, you can play things differently by detaching from the outcome. I mean, who says you have to ask someone out? Why not just go out there and, if you're comfortable with it, talk to girls/guys you meet and like. If the opportunity arises, swap numbers. If it doesn't, no big problem. If you've got the outcome of "I want to ask this person out and have her say yes" in your head and that's not what happened, you may end up focusing on that thing not working out rather than on other positive stuff that happened that evening.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

^ good post, joinmartin. I agree. I'm not sure I would have SA if I hadn't been rejected so much without any successes (counting up all the times I've tried and failed, I'm 0 for 12). When I go out these days, I make my goal "to have fun, come what may." Still working my way up to asking women out, but until I can, I'll keep landing myself in friend zone and having fun talking with people.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

Twice but I only started this summer.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

joinmartin said:


> Fear of rejection is a bit like fear of flying. You don't have a fear of flying. You have a fear of flying one minute and falling to your death the next. Fear of rejection only has real power if the person gets rejected enough times for the dark nonsense of the thought that there's something wrong with them to seep through into the thinking. That's the fear. Not the rejection really so much as the fact that the more rejections a person gets, the stronger the body of evidence that they are unattractive or there's something wrong with them appears to get. At least in the thinking.
> 
> So much of the whole SA thing is not about beliefs as such but about things people fear might be true. If you go out there and ask people out, there's a chance you'll meet someone you connect with and you'll discover a positive truth about yourself. But there's also a chance you'll get rejected or it won't work out. And, particularly if you're dealing with depression or SA etc, getting rejected can seem like evidence of a failure of the person and that really does hurt emotionally. To many people, such a thing is simply not worth the emotional risk.
> 
> That said, you can play things differently by detaching from the outcome. I mean, who says you have to ask someone out? Why not just go out there and, if you're comfortable with it, talk to girls/guys you meet and like. If the opportunity arises, swap numbers. If it doesn't, no big problem. If you've got the outcome of "I want to ask this person out and have her say yes" in your head and that's not what happened, you may end up focusing on that thing not working out rather than on other positive stuff that happened that evening.


I agree. It was so hard on me before to approach women because I always felt like if I got rejected it was proof of my horrible-self. Since then I've come to realize that if I get rejected it's usually not because of me, and if it is then I know that there is someone who will appreciate the good qualities I bring. With that said, I realize I have great qualities to bring to someone and when I get rejected I almost feel as if those people aren't seeing those qualities.

I also would agree with what you said about approaching women just to talk. I also believe that if you put too much pressure on something it could make you very nervous, so maybe it's best to start off just talking with girls. No big rush to get numbers.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I'm two for two (or rather, zero for two).


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

more times than i can count. at least i know i try and Ive been successful a few times. The thing is it can get frustrating but that's life.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

You know, I was thinking about this and decided to look it up online and see what others had to say...

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=251739

If I would of known of people getting rejected this much I would of started trying much earlier!

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=251739


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

thanks for the link bwidger85


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Wow, you don't really realize how much guys get "rejected" until you just ask. I had a buddy who says he hardly ever gets rejected, but how many times does he try? Also, the kind of girls he goes after aren't the ugliest in the world but their personalities make me want to vomit...

Well crap, be proud your a guy then! In a way, we are able to build confidence by approaching and getting rejected. Sounds bad, but I'd rather love myself at the end of it all and NOT have a girlfriend than have a girlfriend and hate myself. I JUST finally am starting to enjoy the process of "playing the field". Still, these stats are amazing…

I honestly feel proud of at least trying.. this is the first time in my life I think I've ever said that! Wow, that's kind of an accomplishment in itself! So I guess this is how some guys are so light-hearted about approaching -- they ared use to getting rejected! LOL. Ironically, I've heard that if you expect it not to work out with regards to dating you won’t be so nervous about being perfect... there is no such thing as perfect anyways…


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Haha... "All the time... in fact, I'm getting rejected as I type this!"


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

delirium said:


> Haha... "All the time... in fact, I'm getting rejected as I type this!"


Haha! I must of missed that one...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Here's another one:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/67/student-life/how-often-do-u-guys-get-rejected-365972/

this is actually pretty funny...


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I have never been in the game to get rejected. I have been off the market since high school and only just now been single for 2 months. I am pretty contempt to just enjoy being by myself. Not interested in one nighters so I dont see the point in trying to pick up right now and deal with rejection.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Well crap, be proud your a guy then! In a way, we are able to build confidence by approaching and getting rejected.


Hah, good idea, bwidger!

Just for kicks I decided to look up my stats on OkCupid. Thus far, I've messaged 28 women, and of those 28, 3 responded, but neither were interested. 7 women I haven't messaged and haven't shown interest in expressed some kind of interest in me (either by sending me a message or adding me to their favorites), but I was not interested in any of them. 3 of my real-life female friends have sent me a message, but none of them are interested in me (even though I would go for them in a second if I thought they were interested). Oh well.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I'm 0 for 2...sort of.

The first girl actually said yes but then changed her mind a few days later upon learning how much of a social loser I was.



VanDamMan said:


> Think of it like sales.
> 
> Salesmen only expect to sell a certain % of clients they pitch to. You want 5 clients, gotta ask 50. You want 10, gotta ask 100. Its the market demand of dating and socialization.


Good analogy, but it's hard. I would probably ask more women out if I actually communicated with more of them in the first place. But I don't as their presence is rather non-existent in my life. I'm not even capable of talking to women long enough to establish any type of rapport. If I could only get to that point, I would definitely ask out more women.


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

A thought: Lets say you continue to play this game... and you face 500 rejections with no success... how are you to continue after this? CBT suggests you look for disconfirming evidence... but the evidence is overwhelming... 500 women do not find you attractive... you would need some incredible resilience to put into practice the belief that "maybe the 501st will like me"... 

I'm interested in how anyone can be this resilient. Can I learn how? Edison is my role model here... he learned something from all of his so called "failures", and he persisted until he invented something fantastic.


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

um I don't know, but its probably like 2-3 -- and they weren't really "getting rejected" -- 1 I went to a movie with a girl alone after an SAS meeting - I didn't really ask her out because I knew the ugly truth -- I think I just ranted a bunch to her via PM  We still talk so it's cool.

The other was asked in a jokingly way, and denied in a completely No ****ing way answer  

As for your above question, you would need to change Variable -- Question/Location would be easiest, but that many no's would probably need to be more dramatic - looks weight/clothes/smell even.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

delirium said:


> A thought: Lets say you continue to play this game... and you face 500 rejections with no success... how are you to continue after this? CBT suggests you look for disconfirming evidence... but the evidence is overwhelming... 500 women do not find you attractive... you would need some incredible resilience to put into practice the belief that "maybe the 501st will like me"...
> 
> I'm interested in how anyone can be this resilient. Can I learn how? Edison is my role model here... he learned something from all of his so called "failures", and he persisted until he invented something fantastic.


I think your looking at CBT wrong. I don't think its necesarily all about going out there and finding disconfirming evidence. Thats part of it. But I think its more about acceptence and overcoming fear. So its more about it being ok with to be rejected and realizing it shouldn't control your life. Once you reach that point you can be yourself, show interest, and be comfortable around women. As cliche as it sounds if you can be like that you are sure to find a girl eventually.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

delirium said:


> A thought: Lets say you continue to play this game... and you face 500 rejections with no success... how are you to continue after this? CBT suggests you look for disconfirming evidence... but the evidence is overwhelming... 500 women do not find you attractive... you would need some incredible resilience to put into practice the belief that "maybe the 501st will like me"...
> 
> I'm interested in how anyone can be this resilient. Can I learn how? Edison is my role model here... he learned something from all of his so called "failures", and he persisted until he invented something fantastic.


It won't take a guy 500 approaches to get a girlfriend. Online is even worse for guys because there are so many factors playing against a guy. However, in real life I think your chances are better. I'd say out of every 10 women you approach in real life 8 are going to give you their numbers. Of those 8, 2-3 are looking to date. Of those 2-3 maybe 1 is compatible for you and her. Stay positive! I think that's what makes people resilient.

On top of all that, I honestly think you have to believe that you have something to give or offer. You have to appreciate the qualities you have and think that they can compliment someone else or that you can compliment each other. You have to believe that another level of fun and excitement and perhaps love can blossom from your efforts. You may have to incorporate a sense of fun into your efforts to become more resilient. Whatever it is, stay positive!


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Catching Fire said:


> I think your looking at CBT wrong. I don't think its necesarily all about going out there and finding disconfirming evidence. Thats part of it. But I think its more about acceptence and overcoming fear. So its more about it being ok with to be rejected and realizing it shouldn't control your life. Once you reach that point you can be yourself, show interest, and be comfortable around women. As cliche as it sounds if you can be like that you are sure to find a girl eventually.


Acceptance of what? And how do you overcome fear? CBT is about (a) going out and testing out behaviors you think are scary, (b) troubleshooting cognitive distortions that arise from those new behaviors so that you become comfortable enough with the new behaviors to practice them until they become habitual.

The whole point of CBT in this context is to become comfortable with rejection -- I agree with you there. But my thought experiment (my scenario about the 500-in-a-row rejections) was supposed to raise the question: can CBT work when there is no cognitive distortion to troubleshoot?

A man who faces 500 rejections without a single success cannot rationally convince himself that his cognition, "I am unattractive to women", is irrational because all the evidence supports the truth of this cognition.

That is the issue. If you're going to comment on this issue, please stay relevant to the topic.

And, responding to *bwidger85*: I agree that in reality one probably won't face 500 rejections in a row. And I also think your advice for staying positive is good advice. But, how can the man in my scenario stay positive when it seems he has no hope. What rational reason could he give himself to stay positive?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

**The following has been edited 6,000 times** 

You talk about disconcerting evidence to prove otherwise against a scenario of a guy who gets rejected 500 times, so against that evidence I couldn't imagine how you could stay positive. However, that's not realistic, and so by being more realistic you can imagine only approaching 10-15 girls, which is actually a lot, and find a good girl. But if your unrealistic then of course it's going to seem or feel hopeless, so be more realistic.

Edison probably stayed positive and focused because he understood that he was learning as he went and with every attempt he got closer and closer to a goal. He said that he didn't fail 5,000xs with the light bulb but instead found 5,000 different ways to get it right. In other words, he understood it was a learning experience but he kept positive and motivated because he kept getting closer and he knew eventually it was possible to achieve the goal. It wasn't unrealistic for him to feel like he could make it happen because there was evidence before him that proved the existence of light through certain means (he wanted to simply make it more cost efficient and sustainable). He knew it was possible but had to basically figure out a way to make it happen. In a way, wouldn't you feel like it could happen to if you have all that past evidence to be supported by? He just felt that all he had to do was figure out a way to harness it differently (I don't know the exact story).

With concern to dating, I suppose you have to expect a certain number of rejections to occur and be ok with that to stay positive and motivated. I honestly feel like I may have to approach 10-15 girls before I find 5 that want to date, let alone be my girlfriend. However, I'm still learning and so I don't expect even those numbers to be correct. All I know is that I have to keep trying and if I approach 30 girls and get rejected 30 times in a row then I can have something to not stay positive about, but I don't think it's going to take me 30 attempts in real life (not online) to find someone. And if that does happen to me in real life (not online because there's a difference) then I can be certain I am looking in the wrong places, going after the wrong people, or possibly doing something wrong myself. In other words, getting rejected 30 times in a row in real life may be evidence that I'm being too unrealistic in my attempts (possibly looking in wrong places, etc [it's a learning experience]). Therefore, find a more realistic scenario, and if you can't fathom a scenario then try different things and find evidence to support an easier way (if that makes any sense to you). I think eventually it will become much more clear to you the more avenues you travel.

Give me a more realistic scenario (not someone getting rejected 500 times in a row) and then I feel I can represent my opinions better. If you approach 20 girls, get their numbers, ask them out, I guarantee you you'll have a girlfriend by then, but are you or have you? I've spent years simply figuring out if guys and girls are different emotionally let alone finding out if I can get a number, dates, "connections", girlfriends. I've probably only approached 10 girls in my entire life cold and out of those 10 probably only asked for 6 numbers. Hey, those aren't very many it just seems like a lot... (you want evidence on how long it took me to go out to bars and approach 1 girl check out my thread http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f10/doing-the-nightlife-68416/ to see what I mean). My point is, it may seem it takes us forever to get somewhere but that's because we are learning different things in the process... blah, I'm getting way off topic here and I've edited this so many times..I'm done...


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Trying to paraphrase your main points: treat rejection as a learning experience and stay positive because even though you're getting rejected there is plenty of evidence (e.g., the existence of the human race) that men (in general) can succeed in dating.

Clearly you don't like the thought experiment approach (which is fine). But my query is perhaps this: how does one go about cultivating optimism when it comes to dating? And you've given my plenty of answers: have fun in the process, treat it as a learning experience, know that the more you try the likelier it is that you'll connect with someone who is available and reciprocates attraction, recognize that even after a string of rejections you're still the same person and have good qualities that someone out there will eventually be open to appreciating and loving, etc.

Perhaps that's it: recognizing the innate okay-ness of yourself. That's the backbone. Not everyone will like you, and even if you face 500 rejections in a row, though it may be discouraging, as long as you recognize that you're okay just as you are (and this is to bring in *Catching_Fire*'s point about acceptance) then other people rejecting you doesn't matter because you haven't rejected yourself. I forgot about that concept, it's called "unconditional self-acceptance".


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, that probably is the backbone and to get it you may need to do things, learn things first.


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, that probably is the backbone and to get it you may need to do things, learn things first.


like, for example, teaching yourself that rejection is harmless. "Even if some random girl rejects me, so what? They don't know me, and they could've rejected me for a whole bunch of reasons -- maybe I'm just not her type, big deal... not everyone is my type, and of those that aren't my type it's not like I think anything is wrong with them as a human being (and even if I do think this, it doesn't follow that there is anything wrong with them -- I can't possible know everything about them)..." Rejection is just a fact of life, but it doesn't mean you can't still treat yourself with love, respect, kindness, and compassion. And, if you're optimistic: add hope -- "Someone else will eventually recognize my good qualities, etc."... and so on.


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## ecotec83 (Sep 7, 2009)

5-6 in the last few months, even the seemingly nice guys ignore me. Starting to think most of them are liars and don't want relationships or to meet friends.


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

The ones that are interested in me I am not interested in, and the ones that I am interested in aren't interested in me.

Draw a Venn diagram, and you get two mutually exclusive sets. This is the reality of rejection.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Stamina.

Let's see, I asked out a girl when i was 13. Then I seriously started again at 16. I have seriously tried to get 6 girls in that time. No its more than that.. probably closer to 10-13. 

Keeping up the stamina to press on gets tougher each time.


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

maybe you are asking the wrong girls?


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Futures said:


> Good analogy, but it's hard. I would probably ask more women out if I actually communicated with more of them in the first place. But I don't as their presence is rather non-existent in my life. I'm not even capable of talking to women long enough to establish any type of rapport. If I could only get to that point, I would definitely ask out more women.


My 2 cents. Even if you hate PUA stuff, they have some good techniques.

Try going out and NOT getting a girls #. Tell yourself you'll talk to 10 girls and purposely try to fail. Do it for a couple days or a week. You'll be surprised how you start establishing a rapport and aren't even trying.

Every single one of us has a casanova in us. Problem is we never get the rust off. Get the rust off.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

There are less stars in our god forsaken galaxy than the amount of times I've been rejected for the past 15 years...


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## Franky (Nov 15, 2008)

I can't really say I've ever been really rejected by a girl because I have never really tried I guess.

I like to be sorta friends first and see what might happen after that but I can't even do that. 

I got rejected earlier this year when I asked a girl out to lunch TWICE and she said she was too busy both times...but she kept texting me for some reason. Yeah she was just using me for attention so yeah I have been rejected at least once actually.

I can think of a couple of other occasions, but mainly it was just me not trying hard I guess and girls stuffing me round. I don't think I'm really worth getting to know and I just think once someone gets to know me they won't like me, so I prefer not to get close because rejection after dating for a while would hurt more.


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

IHeartSteveMcQueen said:


> maybe you are asking the wrong girls?


Really now ? and who are the right girls ?

I have asked out girls that were catholic, or non catholic,
party girls and borderline atheists, 
and shy girls 
girls whom i've known for years, 
and girls whom i've known for weeks
girls who were vert fit, and girls who were not so fit,
girls who shared my opinions of the world, and girls who thought me eccentric

But if i put it like that, you would probably say I am 'whining'
Its funny how stating an unpleasant truth is always described as whining.

Maybe I should move to China and ask the girls there instead


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

VIncymon said:


> Really now ? and who are the right girls ?


I know how you feel, man. Seems like we can't cut a break when we like someone. But I think we should keep the mindset that every girl is potentially the right girl, and if they say no, then that girl was not the right girl.

Another concern of mine: I tend to be worried that I'm confirming a girl's vanity if I ask her out. I feel that they are going to do that thing that some girls do: go back to their friends and pretend to complain that I was all over her when she's really just bragging about another conquest, perhaps ruining me for all her friends in the process.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

STKinTHEmud said:


> I know how you feel, man. Seems like we can't cut a break when we like someone. But I think we should keep the mindset that every girl is potentially the right girl, and if they say no, then that girl was not the right girl.
> 
> Another concern of mine: I tend to be worried that I'm confirming a girl's vanity if I ask her out. I feel that they are going to do that thing that some girls do: go back to their friends and pretend to complain that I was all over her when she's really just bragging about another conquest, perhaps ruining me for all her friends in the process.


Any girl that does this needs to grow up because you have every right to ask them out. If a woman is in disgust at the request then she is simply playing her immaturity card. It's a friendly gesture not sexual harassment!


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> any girl that does this needs to grow up because you have every right to ask them out. If a woman is in disgust at the request then she is simply playing her immaturity card. It's a friendly gesture not sexual harassment!


amen


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Any girl that does this needs to grow up because you have every right to ask them out. If a woman is in disgust at the request then she is simply playing her immaturity card. It's a friendly gesture not sexual harassment!


Amen to that.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> Any girl that does this needs to grow up because you have every right to ask them out. If a woman is in disgust at the request then she is simply playing her immaturity card. It's a friendly gesture not sexual harassment!


Yeah, but the reality is that it happens _all the time_. I mean constantly. As little experience as I personally have with dating, I see it happen to my friends -- and see my female acquaintances actually do it -- quite regularly.


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## shyman1918 (Apr 28, 2008)

In my life thus far (mainly in high school), I asked four girls out. They all smiled and said that they "might have something going on...but they'll let me know as soon as possible!"

Of course they were lying...typical...and so I've mainly counted myself out of league since. Now whenever I see an attractive woman, my mood usually turns grim and I breeze on by with an ache in my h.eart.

I know it's something I've got to change, otherwise I'll always wind up alone, but it's both so difficult and frightening that I never know what to do and how to go about doing it. 

Oh well...just workin' my way through.


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## theJdogg (Sep 18, 2009)

Word. I reject myself long before I even talk to a woman. I reject myself everyday. I've even been told by tons of girls that I'm cool as hell, but that does not alter my reality at all.


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

I've only been rejected once in my life, but that's actually not a good thing. It's because I'm so afraid to take risks that I don't even _try_ until I'm at least 99% sure I won't be rejected.

So I never really learned to deal with rejection. And now I'm set in my ways and probably never will. And that's not good.


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## matt22 (Nov 25, 2009)

bezoomny said:


> An absolutely ****ing ridiculous amount of times.


lol..that makes me laugh...

same here, the rejections just keep coming..

it goes something like this. I get a very strong crush on a girl, I ask her out, she tells me she's not interested. or we go on a single date, and then she ignores me after. I'm crushed., I go listen to Paramore's "That's What you Get" ; I meet another girl I like. same story.

rejected every single time, in the sense I've never had a second date...


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

Not enough, I don't put myself out there like that but I should.


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## WR1986 (Nov 30, 2009)

Only two women have ever shown interest in me and a third actually dated for a month until she just stopped talking to me. Well most women just stop talking I get no reason or anything. I just want to know why women just say no. I guess I like reasons with everything so I can learn from my mistakes... I don't know..........


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

Asked two girl to a dance once and got rejected by both (one of them actually wanted to go with me, but she had to go to vegas, I don't think it was just an excuse because I think she actually liked me). It turned out that their friend wanted to go with me, but felt rejected because I asked her friends instead of her...Got asked out to a dance once, but it wasn't that great and I was nervous the entire time. I've gotten numbers before, but I've never asked any girl on a date. I really need to get some conversations going and ask one already!


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## dontemailme (Nov 10, 2009)

Never put myself out there to get rejected, because me rejecting myself is enough, tyvm.


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## april showers (Jun 27, 2009)

I never asked anyone. In a way though, I've felt rejected many times when I had crushes on guys but they don't see me as anything more than an aquantince. :/


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## thewall (Feb 1, 2009)

2 out of 2 times. Never asking again.


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Just have been, damnit. Three weeks of fear and doubt and a ridiculous phone bill and all for absolutely s-d all. :sus

Ah well. Can I have a hug? Please? 

:rain

Edit: You don't have to give me a hug! Just kidding! Carry on posting, I don't want to kill *another* thread lol


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

^That sucks, dude. That is, it sucks for her! She doesn't know what she's missing.


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

STKinTHEmud said:


> ^That sucks, dude. That is, it sucks for her! She doesn't know what she's missing.


Lol, she was from Essex, she was divorced, she dressed bad, she was a chav, she... Oh well actually she was wonderful. Such a GSOH. So homely and pretty and kind... Sigh... :blank Spent the last month dreaming about holding her in my arms... :cry

Oh me, I'm so lonely... :rain

But yeah, she's missing out on a bald, short, unemployed Suffolk inbred with social phobia so basically not much. But thanks for the hug!  Yeah I can do better lol... :teeth


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## Zombie Sheep (Oct 3, 2009)

Thankyou for that Joinmartin. Shame you're not gonna be on here so much now. Hope it wasn't anything I said. I should try and post less too. I don't really help, I just moan about myself. I hope you have some luck with those things you want to sort out.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Sorry to see you go, join. Try to drop us a line every now and then.


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## Lovesick Loner (Oct 19, 2009)

sabueed said:


> I only asked out 1 girl in my life. She rejected me. I am curious as to how often guys here get rejected, if any. I just want to know if its normal or not. Because it seems to me that people don't get rejected that much.


I think you're onto something, man. I don't rejected that often because I don't take risks that often. But for someone with SA, if you get rejected once, you usually don't forget that for a long time. It's all in your head.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

I don't know what 'often' is, but I've gotten rejected quite a few times.
It doesn't get easier over time, but I'd think having some positive experiences to mix it with would help. Each time I want to ask someone out it takes so long trying to mentally prepare, but each time so far has been a no.
It still hurts like hell and can zombify me for a week, but what's the alternative?
I won't believe it can't ever happen, so stop trying simply isn't an option imo.


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

Someone make a poll on this already.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Always without exception. Every time I've ever shown romantic interest in someone I've been eventually rejected.


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## mbp86 (May 11, 2010)

0 for 3 is my record


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

Very rarely....I cleverly don't ask anyone out so as to keep my rejection count to a minimum hahahaha!....I'm so alone.


I have actually been rejected by someone(s) preemptively though. Those really suck!


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