# i don't have friends in school and it hurts



## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

I am a senior (female) , and I still haven't made a group of friends in my school. 
I used to have a few friends in middle school, but i went to a high school not knowing anyone. On the first day, everyone was already gushing over the popular girl. I managed to end up with three girls, but they were mean and made comments on how awkward I am. So they eventually got sick of me after days, and ditched me. I occasionally made efforts to join them again, but it never worked out after a few days. I don't know any of their outside jokes, wasn't invited, were pitying me, and eventually got ignored again.
I was alone until this other girl had no friends too. Until the end of Year 1, she left to study abroad and left me alone here, friendless again. 
Meanwhile, it still hurts until today, because my middle school friends have went on without me, they still keep in touch, and seem to have forgotten me, like I have never existed. It hurts seeing pictures of them have fun without me, because they say it's too far to travel to come to meet me (1 hour's drive). 
Halfway through Year 2, an old friend actually came into my life again. We both made sacrifices to visit because of distance, we had phone calls, and met up as much as we could. I lost her a few days ago in an argument, because she offended me about my social anxiety and i lashed out at her about her own personal problems. 
In school, two girls occasionally talk to me, but it is so obvious that they are using me. One of them literally said to my face that "XXX is not here today, so I'm going to sit with you." and that "I missed hanging out with you!" but she vanished as soon as XXX was back from vacation, and never showed up until the next time. The other one lost some friends due to friendship drama, so she only hangs out with me after the incident. Both of them has their group of friends, it's not like I'm even part of them...just people who use me.
I used to have a boyfriend, but he only used me. And he hurt me, too.
My acquaintances also only talk to me when no one else is around. Like I'm invisible until they need me as temporary entertainment. It hurts so much. I was never invited to parties, never included in any outings. I'm so invisible.
I just never belonged to this school. I have no support system, not even my counsellor. 
I got bullied and picked on when i joined a club, and entirely ignored for the second one, so i tried joining clubs and it didn't work out.
I am so hurt that even my relatives judge me for having no social life.
I feel so terrible about myself and it feels like i can never have friends again. The only trusty friend has told me she doesn't want me in her circle after that argument, and she's still my friend, but not as close anymore. In school, it's like occasionally being the "last choice" to people is worse than not talking to anyone. Because feeling left out hurts so badly. Feeling like they're using you. 
I'm just being me, I'm the quiet girl, I don't speak up often, but other than that why don't people like me? 
Could I get some reassurance? I just started this forum because i needed to let this out. It's been almost 3 years in this unyielding isolation. I want to be like the normal teenagers, with their groups of friends, so i won't be judged for being a loner anymore.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

there's some errors, i meant inside jokes.


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## Hfish (Sep 7, 2017)

Hi, I'm new here as well.

I'm sorry to hear about the bullying and judgment from your relatives. You don't deserve it, no one does.

I can't really speak as to why it happens, but I spent most of my time alone during my last year in highschool and you're definitely not alone in this situation. By the sounds of it you're quite introverted, there's nothing wrong with that, but it can make reaching out or sustaining relationships challenging... especially when coupled with anxiety and other mental health issues. What got me through school was focusing on work during class and finding a quiet spot to draw during break and lunch.

Easier said than done, but try to occupy yourself with something you enjoy and in the meantime keep an eye out for like minded people.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

thanks for replying me Hfish appreciate it... 
i already have a quiet spot and all, and i'm focusing on schoolwork too, but other than that it still hurts, and i'm so worried about the future.


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## SerialPillock (Mar 17, 2017)

Sorry to hear it, I'm sure a lot of people here will understand where you're coming from and be able to relate. Wish I knew how to make things better for you : /


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

thank you...yep i seen a few posts  Just that within the people ard me irl, i feel rly alone in my situations and whoever i reach out to end up judging me...


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## Sweetyhs (Sep 7, 2017)

Hi.. I am also new here. 
When i was in school, i also don't had many friends. I used to just talk to one or two friends that's it. 
Having less friends doesn't mean that you have no social life. Its just that i am scared of getting close to people.
I actually don't like to make many friends because if i get attached to someone and when they leave, it hurts very badly. I have many experience in that matter. so now i always think twice before getting close to people.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

aw thank you...yeah the one or two friends use me as a backup plan. i lost my only true friend. it feels like i have no social life now...  everyone around me are very social and i'm sitting here wondering what is life even.


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## Hfish (Sep 7, 2017)

silentwallflower said:


> thanks for replying me Hfish appreciate it...
> i already have a quiet spot and all, and i'm focusing on schoolwork too, but other than that it still hurts, and i'm so worried about the future.


You're welcome. Yes, it's absolutely is painful to experience people drift away or ignore you. I really hope your current situation changes for the better.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

thanks again.


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

i think a lot of us here went through similar things.

some things you can change are they way you think about it. you say you think they use you as a backup plan - but its normal for people to have best friends and also other friends. don't feel like you can't be a friend to those people while also being a bit of an outsider of their group(s). if they said they missed hanging out with you, they probably meant it.


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## AntiguanGiant (Aug 8, 2017)

Relate to this heavily. I guess just try to prioritize yourself while still putting effort into finding friends who're similar to you, so as not to be used again. I spent three years with a group of friends who eventually talked sh*t and abandoned me bc of how quiet I'd become. Tbh the only reason I'd become quiet was bc I was tired of being fake just to get a couple laughs; I falsely believed that they'd be okay w/ me just being myself. 

Friends are nice to have, but only when you mean as much to them as they do to you.

Hope things get better for ya, homiie.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

i understand what u mean but no this girl literally said to my face that XXX's not here that's why she's hanging out with me. She brushed me off the moment she was back. I've known her for quite some time to make that judgement and i know that she's nice for at least being a friend but...it's what she did that shows she uses me this way.


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## silentwallflower (Sep 7, 2017)

thank youu.


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## suigetsu (Sep 16, 2017)

i know how it feels i also dont have friends in my collage even my best friend left me cuz i mostly talk about my problems and about my social anxiety we were three friends so my best friend dont know what told the other guy he starts to hate me. it really hurt me.what kind of friends hate their friend when they know i got social anxiety and dont have any friends... i really really hate u guys well after that a new guy join our collage we become friends but when he become friend with other guys in collage he also left me and start to ignore me world is only filled with mean people i wish the whole world got anxiety then they will know how much it hurts


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## mimi2772 (Sep 25, 2017)

I managed to get through high school with the cattiest girls and was always being hurt. So tbh I was very passive aggressive towards everyone and realized the only person you need is yourself. You won't ever see these people after high school so pay no attention toward them now. Focus on yourself and striving toward whatever goal it is you have for the future. Highschool is just drama drama drama, no need in getting yourself tangled up in it. And for your friend who you had a fight with, **** her. If she's going to pick at your anxiety like that, she's no friend at all, especially if she's going to pick on you and then expect no lash back in return. Pick up some hobbies outside of school like reading or art or music. You may easily find friends out side of school.


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