# Estranged from whole entire family, anyone else?



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Anyone else estranged from their whole family and have nothing to do with any of them?

My dads side I have nothing to do with because none of them ever tried to be in my life. My dad refused to sign my birth certificate and my mother took him back. They split when I was 7 and he didn't come back into my life until my mom died last December. I tried to give him a chance but he would not do anything to make it up to me, not even see if he could get his name on my birth certificate and I would also always catch him in lies. So I cut him off a few months ago. His parents and one of his brothers are dead but I hate them too because they never tried to be in my life either, I also hate his other brother for the same reason as well as my cousins who are all older then me.

My half sister I hate too. I tried to be close to her but she wasn't good keeping in touch back. About 10 years ago we were supposed to go to see a band (that doesn't normally tour) and she canceled on me because my uncle (who never wanted anything to do with me) had died and she couldn't leave the house because she thought it would look bad. (concert wasn't even next day or same day as his funeral). I've never forgiven her for that or for not being their for me when my mother died. She didn't even send me any condolences even on facebook when I posted about it or all the months prior where I had been posting how bad things were. So I deleted her. She is dead to me now.

My mothers side of the family isn't any better and I hate them all too. I never met my grandfather despite him being alive until my teens, he never called me or wrote me or anything. My mom saw him once while I was alive. He was an alcoholic when she was growing up and not a good father.

My grandmother is still alive unfortunately. She's no good either. She's a mean drunk who 2 of her 6 children want nothing to do with and another 2 kept at a great distance. Unfortunately my mom was one of the 2 who kept in regular contact with her. She always had mean remarks to make to me. My last communication with her was after my moms burial where she told me I was a horrible person. She said that because I refused to share what little inheritance I got with her when I cleaned out my moms apartment (that was infested with bugs, etc and a huge health hazard) all on my own. She also according to my second cousin said similar things to his mother (her sister) and refused to have anything to do with any of her nieces and nephews. She also refused to let me and my boyfriend stay overnight at her house when we found out how bad my moms house was when we came after driving 8 hours. She flat out said she didn't have room even though she had a spare room. And she refused to believe us when we told her there were swarms of fruit flys everywhere and needles all over the floor as well as trash everywhere. The motel we went to ending up being bad so we had to stay up all night cleaning. My boyfriend was a saint and did most of it.

My mothers brothers and sister aren't any better. My mom hadn't spoken to any of them in decades before her cancer and most of them don't speak to each other either.

I saw only my moms sister and her sister in law when I ran into them visiting at separate times. (And neither of them offered me any support or help while my mother was dying.) One of her brothers never visited her even while she was dying. Another 2 did but not until she was on her death bed. Only one visited her before then when she went into the hospital months and months ago for cancer treatment and even he didn't keep in touch with her after that. The rest of her siblings didn't visit my mom who had cancer for over half a year until about 2 weeks before she died. 

I exchanged contact with 2 of my aunts. (One was my moms brothers wife).
I talked on the phone once after getting back to Michigan (my family is all in NY ) to the one who was my uncles wife (my uncle wouldn't talk to me at all and he himself only visited my mom once that I know of during her cancer) Call seemed to go well until the end when I told her I was gonna report that someone had stolen my moms credit card.(I didn't super suspect my aunt then). I said I wish I knew who did it and how I hated that it had to have been either a relative or a nurse who took it and how I couldn't rule anyone out. She immediately got defensive and said "well you don't think I did it do you?" I just was honest and said "probably not but I don't know." She then said "I have way more money then your mother could've ever dreamed of having." She also made sure to tell me that if I went to the police about it they would just laugh at me. (her son is a cop). The call ended shortly after that but we both said goodbye and it didn't end super bad (I thought.) Anyway earlier in the call she promised to send me some pictures she had of my mom and me as a baby. She never did. I called her several times as well. She never returned any of them even in the ones where I was worried about my grandmother (despite how she treated me last time I saw her). I was worried because she was calling my moms cell that I had and leaving messages for my mom saying "patty (my moms name) call me back" as if my mom was still alive.

This aunt even facebook stalked me months later and accidentally "liked" a picture. She quickly unliked it. So I know it isn't that they haven't gotten my calls. I suspect her and my uncle (moms brother) hate me because I'm on ssi. I know from facebook stalking that they hate people on welfare and ssi and think foodstamps should only cover powdered milk, rice and government cheese. They refuse to pay for my mom to have a headstone even though they can clearly afford it and I told them I can't. 

That same aunt I suspect is the one who stole my moms change purse in the nursing home and used my moms credit card. Because of that phone call I had with her and that she kept butting in on the nursing homes investigation. I suspect she did it because she always looked down on my mom because my mom was on welfare while I was growing up. And she kept trying to talk me out of reporting it to the police saying they would just laugh at me (my cousin, her son is a cop.) This aunt also along with my grandmother kept making rude comments to me and saying I wasn't visiting my mother enough, (I visited my mom ever day). She had nerve to say this when a few days prior she went on an overnight trip out of state for a basketball game. Luckily my boyfriend told her off for that comment. She and my grandmother also kept saying that we weren't cleaning the house quick enough. Yet when we asked her or my uncle or grandmother to help they said hell no. 

My moms sister is evil too. Told me she wanted to get to know me and keep in touch but what she really wanted was to find out what type of cancer my mom had. Because we exchanged numbers when I ran into her when she was visiting my mom and I called her a bunch but she never answered or returned any of my calls. I believe it's cause I stupidly caved in and told her after we exchanged contact info what type of cancer my mother had. I wish I hadn't.

My cousins aren't any better. No condolences from any of them either. And I know from facebook some of what kind of people they are. Like to brag about money and my one cousin cheated on his wife with her friend.

I miss my mom, she was the only family I ever really had. But if I'm honest I think I would have cut her off too this past year. Before she found out about her cancer she had "borrowed" a couple hundred dollars off my credit card for her cable bill (we didn't live together at the time and she had promised me she would never use my credit card again). Before then she had charged a couple thousand to it, she claimed for bills but I wonder about that now. I was living with her on SSI at the time and didn't handle my own money. I didn't even want or apply for the credit card either and I'm now in debit cause of it. She also threw my stuff when I was a teenager and had me forcibly put in a mental ward for 2 weeks. Even though she needed to be in one herself IMO because she thought she was an angel sent to earth and all kinds of other stuff. Anyway she was completely unapologetic about everything up until she died. In fact with the credit card she even a month before she died told me that my boyfriends parents should pay it and thought I should just forget about it because of her cancer and she kept trying to guilt me. She even tried to guilt me into buying her a 500 dollar IPAD a week before she died. She also never tried much to pay off any of my credit card, every month she would be late making payments. She also spent 250 dollars on a computer monitor and then made snarky comments when my boyfriend and I bought a 60 dollar one, calling it a piece of crap. 

Most people have at least one decent family member. Now I do have a 2nd cousin I found through genealogy research who I keep in contact with, who did give me condolences when he found out his cousin my mother had died. But I think most people would consider that kind of far of a relation. I'll also note that when his mother (my grandmother sister) died he told me he was very upset that none of Jean's (my grandmothers) family contacted him at all. 

Is there anyone else who has such a bad family and is estranged from all of them? I feel like I'm the only one alive who is in this situation. I mean you hear about people having a bad relative or even a few bad ones, but even in families where theirs abuse I don't think you usually hear about every member being bad as is the case in my family.


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

*hugs* Just wanted to say glad we have each other  My parents also like you. Read your post but you know that I already know all of this. You did put up with a lot from your family when your mother passed away. You put a lot more effort into being civil than any of them.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

slyfox said:


> *hugs* Just wanted to say glad we have each other  My parents also like you. Read your post but you know that I already know all of this. You did put up with a lot from your family when your mother passed away. You put a lot more effort into being civil than any of them.


Thanks  I'm glad I have you and your parents. It's just hard not having any blood family, or at least not any who have any shred of decency.

I notice I have no other replies. Dunno if people feel awkward now that you replied or if people just aren't smart enough to read through my post, know I made it pretty long. Although not reading a post all the way through doesn't usually stop most people from replying. Maybe just no one else out there that can relate in the least.


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## soulsurviver (Jun 17, 2014)

My parents are both dead but I never knew my real dad. None of my mum's family is alive and my step dad's family have turned their back on me because I am not a blood relative. Not quite the same as your situation but still hurts. As a result of having no family, I have become overly dependent on my husband and am terrified of what I will do if anything happens to him. I'm scared of going it alone. I feel for you


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## 15 feet (Jun 8, 2014)

I have family members I am at least semi estranged from.

I live in this building on the second floor and my aunt who (or whom) I don't even talk to lives on the first floor. How's that for awkward?

I could go on with the details but don't wanna make it a long read for lurkers.

Basically my dad's side (and his mom's side; my granny) of the family are ego maniacs who love to leech money off of each other. They would help each other out but would overly brag about while diminishing the help they got from the other person. Embezzlement, larceny, lying, and back stabbing are rampant throughout the history of this family.

My mom's side is bad too. Just a bunch of egos colluding against each other and creating drama etc...I was not exposed to it as much as my dad's side. But there was and probably still is plenty of back stabbing and gossiping going on in this family.

I blocked out all of my cousins from Facebook and started a new account with only 6 friends on it. My brother and his wife (they have a daughter so I do love seeing pics of her), my friend (and his GF so it is a package deal), another from college, and a female from HS.

Life has been reduced of stress when I ceased all communication with them.


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## PennSavage (May 1, 2014)

That was a truly moving and incredible post. Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences. You have my deep appreciation at any rate.

I always look for ways to transform circumstances. Not really the circumstances themselves, but what use I might put them to. As I was reading your words, I was reminded of Joseph Campbell's monomyth. Specifically the phase where the hero of the journey withdraws from his family and community in order to meditate and prepare for a heroic quest. I always liked that because it takes something which feels painful and negative, like being estranged from family members, and transforms it into something useful: preparation for the heroic quest ahead.

Sometimes solitude is a blessing I suppose. It frees you in many ways to pursue what you deeply desire. Or to discover what you deeply desire.

Anyway, I wish you good fortune and comfort.


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