# Too Distant / Too Clingy



## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

Anyone else have trouble distinguishing this fine line? I do. Looking back, I've realized that some friends have thought I was ignoring them while others thought I was always hanging around. Each group of friends have dropped me. It's happened many times in my life. 

I try to find a balance but I can't. It seems to be one extreme or another. One minute, a friend will act like I'm pushing them away so I make more of an effort then they push me away and say I'm trying to hard. 

Anyone else stuck in this vicious cycle?


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## 658298 (Jun 26, 2015)

No but something similar, kinda. I overthink everything and when I see people who aren't amongst the few I would consider close friends I don't always say hey because I think I will annoy them, and then they think I'm rude. When I was younger I was a little clingy i think with my friends and may have been a little annoying at times... Now I think I may have gone a little too distant... I don't like initiating conversations, I either think I will annoy them or i will embarrass myself..


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

This has been an old problem for me. Lately, I haven't had trouble with clinginess, although except with a few close friends, I either don't really keep up with people or deal with them as though they're mentors.

To me, getting caught up in this cycle involves thinking badly about myself: I don't enjoy my own company, but am afraid of wasting others' time too. Sometimes 1 fear overpowers the other, and then I become unhappy and turn to the other. 

With my close friends, who also have SA, I don't think about myself at all, except for what I'm giving to them and getting back. It's more about how to do new things and have fun than to escape from my troubles or something. It helps a lot that we know we're working on ourselves and trying to make more as a group than we'd have on our own. I'm still unsure about having that with other people, although I can have at least a bit more easy-going conversation lately.


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## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

Same here. When i start getting too comfortable with someone i suddenly turn into this horrible clingy monster who relies too much on them, either that or i just completely avoid people. Wish i could be more inbetween.


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## Packwolf (Oct 20, 2014)

A lot of this sounds familiar. I constantly second guess myself about whether or not I should talk to someone else because I feel like they are probably getting sick of me, so I end up holding back to talk to them another time. I end up losing them because I accidentally distance myself.


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## Penguinfan (Apr 5, 2015)

Yep, I know. If I text my friend too much, I feel like I'm bothering him even though I know I'm not because he won't text when he's busy. If I don't talk to him enough, then I get too distant and I feel alone.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Haha

I had this in my head just this morning

I had a think about people I've known..or do know

I either never initiate contact with them and inevitably stop talking to them, we probably dont even reach what you could call friend status...just acquaintance. Or the ones I do manage to get on with (rarely) I might add..I feel I bug them, especially when I'm feeling down. Unfortunately the ones I'm closer to dont even live locally so all I can do is pester them via text methods, not like we can just meet up and try and forgot about stuff for a hours...sigh :serious:

I mean I can't make friends 99% of the time..so I get all weird when I do..dunno, my lack of friends is causing me some issues at the moment, I don't know how to act with people to get the right balance..


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## digmeup (Jul 8, 2015)

I find that at parties I get too clingy on that one person/group. I follow them everywhere and it annoys them that I'm not out meeting new people.

But when I'm not forced in stressful social situations, I'm very very distant. A lot of people find me cold and aloof. I avoid people, make excuses not to be around, avoid heated emotional discussions. And I do this because I want people to feel offended and leave me alone for good. I just can't help it, it's a really bad defense mechanism.

It's a sad life knowing that I only use others when I need them.


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

I don't have much issue with being too clingy because I'm for the most part too distant. There are very few -- though sometimes, it feels like there aren't any at all -- people I consider close to me, and even then, there's a distance because I don't want to be a bother. It may be an intentional thing or not, but I just don't want to be a timesuck, and I always feel like that's what I do when I'm with people.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

HannahG said:


> Anyone else have trouble distinguishing this fine line? I do. Looking back, I've realized that some friends have thought I was ignoring them while others thought I was always hanging around. Each group of friends have dropped me. It's happened many times in my life.
> 
> I try to find a balance but I can't. It seems to be one extreme or another. One minute, a friend will act like I'm pushing them away so I make more of an effort then they push me away and say I'm trying to hard.
> 
> Anyone else stuck in this vicious cycle?


Yeah I'm stuck in this cycle. For the most part I'm too distant yet once in awhile I'll be too clingy to a person who has somehow miraculously earned my trust. Feeling accepted is a powerful emotion for lonely souls like us.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

I know that feel. It usually helps to back off if your making your friends uncomfortable, but if you haven't spoken in a while it doesn't hurt to contact them.

Also focus on more than one friend, cause when you have one friend for all your friendness its hard not to be clingy


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## FunkyFedoras (Aug 30, 2013)

Girl. GURL. 
All I did was read the thread title and I already knew what your entire post was going to be. I also experience this same dilemma. Sometimes I think it's just my personality but other times I know my anxiety plays a part for sure. I can't tell really. But I definitely understand...I don't think I can offer much words of wisdom because I still have this problem and lose relationships with others constantly but I'm there with ya..?


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

Yeah I have this problem too. 

I try to think about how often it's reasonable for me to contact/hang out with a friend. This depends on our relationship and what's going on in their life/how busy they are but as a general rule I go with about every 2 weeks.

However this never feels like enough for me, so I often feel lonely and unsatisfied. Sometimes I try to drop suggestions about hanging out more but they never get a good response :S

I'm trying to prioritize relationships with people I like in my life right now and it feels like I'm not a priority for anyone else. Like they're just busy, and dealing with their own ****.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Haha, yes. If I let myself go unfiltered I tend to come across as hyper and over-the-top. The problem with suppressing this behavior is that it requires me to think constantly about my actions and the hypothetical reactions people will have. One example is if I'm skyping with someone I'd wait a minimum of 30 seconds before typing my response to make it seem like my entire world at that moment is not focused on that one person. Can you imagine what that person would feel like if all that attention is focused on them, and they don't view me as anything more than an acquaintance? It's far too much pressure to put on them. Of course, this also makes me extremely self-conscious about what I say.


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