# i'm so quiet and have nothing to talk about



## bengo (Nov 25, 2010)

is anyone else like this. This is a pain in the arse as i would find it hard to make friends in life. Does anyone here know how to keep a conversation going. I need more hobbies.


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## stripe (Sep 3, 2009)

Yes, I am pretty much the creator of awkward silence  unless drunk. But that makes the content of conversation very silly usually..

In theory, I'd speak about whatever is currently happening. So if you're at school, talk about the class you're in. At work, some work thingys. I hope that's normal. Asking the person questions, replying with what you think or your own story or whatever.. Then there's spontaneity and whatever's on your mind. I find those hard cause anxiety often causes mind blankyness, and it's just plain scary.
Blind leading the blind


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## Tess of the Lonely Hearts (Aug 26, 2010)

stripe said:


> Yes, I am pretty much the creator of awkward silence  unless drunk. But that makes the content of conversation very silly usually..
> 
> In theory, I'd speak about whatever is currently happening. So if you're at school, talk about the class you're in. At work, some work thingys. I hope that's normal. Asking the person questions, replying with what you think or your own story or whatever.. Then there's spontaneity and whatever's on your mind. I find those hard cause anxiety often causes mind blankyness, and it's just plain scary.
> Blind leading the blind


This.

I also find it hard to keep conversation, and I just don't know how the hell people can keep one going for hours on end. I can see that this can get you at least a couple of minutes, but nowhere near that hour mark.


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## Jammer71 (Nov 19, 2010)

I can't do conversation either, I used to give myself a hard time about it but not any more. I'm not a social animal, that's all there is to it. Most of the things regular people talk about, I have no interest in and vice versa. This is not your flaw or "disorder", you are just different from most people, it's not a bad thing.


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

Keep up on current events. Read the newspapers and listen to the radio. It probably wouldn't hurt to know something about sports.

Try to know what is happening locally, nationally and internationally.

Asking people questions about themselves actually does work.

Smile.

I recently bought a book called "How to talk to anyone 92 little Tricks" by Leil Lowndes. It really does have a lot of good information in it. 

I went to a dinner party on Friday which I hate going to but this time it was different. I was up to date on the news, house prices, food trends etc. I don't have a lot of hobbies so I was worried but it went very well which felt good and it was just because I new about current events.

I find the politics in your country to be very interesting. Could you become very knowledgable about that topic?

If you are 15 or so the above information doesn't really apply!


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## Rubisco (Nov 20, 2010)

It's a daunting task most of the time. However, if you find people who are similar to you, most likely something that you both find interesting will come to the surface. For example, I'm a very academically-minded person so I enjoy talking about things we learned in class and such with my very few friends (who are similar to me in that respect, boring as it may sound!).


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## HumanWonder (Nov 25, 2010)

I have severe ADHD so even when I do have hobbies and knowledge about whatever people are talking about, I forget it right before I go to say it. 

I find that becoming knowledgeable about things I don't care about helps, because then I can talk to people about them without being worried about whether or not I know enough. I also pretend that I feel very interesting and confident, like a traveling business man : ). It might take time, but you seem to have the idea; join a club of people who are into a hobby, and then you can just talk about the hobby. After a while you might be better at casual conversation. 

The book Charisma by Marcia Grad helped me.


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## chinatownbus (Nov 15, 2010)

I have a hard time making conversation and that is part of my social anxiety, that I will fail every time interacting with people because I can't keep up for more that like five minutes. I think the comment here about keeping up with current events is a good suggestion. I have also found that if you can just keep coming up with good questions to ask the other person, you can keep a conversation going by letting the other person talk about themselves.

I really need to work on conversation skills.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

Constantly thinking to yourself that you don't have anything to say is a big part of the problem...


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## VivaEmptinessRoses (Mar 31, 2010)

I am the queen of being silent. I mostly try to find things in my environment. For example, if the person is wearing a band shirt I like, that can be a way to start some conversation. Also, if we are in class, I start talking about the professor or I ask them how they like the class or whats their major, etc. 

Plus, keep asking questions, if u can, because most talkative people love talking about themselves anyway. Then if they are talking, u wont have to say as much and u will probably relax more. 

Also, I try to keep a list of topics on what to talk about in my mind. So if it goes blank when I am anxious, I can bounce back and not be so silent. I don't get into debates about religion or politics either because I have problems stating my views because I feel like people will judge me and treat me badly. So just avoid sensitive subjects and stay on soft subjects to keep the conversation going. 


I hope this helped.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

I can't hold conversation either. Not even with my close friends and as a result I don't feel a close connection with them anymore. I love my friends and appreciate their friendship but I honestly don't know why they continue to be my friend when they could probably have a more interesting conversation with a brick wall.

This also makes it extremely difficult to branch out and meet new people.

The trouble is people are often talking about a subject I either don't know about or am just not interested in. What's even worse is sometimes they are talking about something I know, such as a movie but I still can't discuss it because my memory is bad and I can't remember the details.

I used to be upset by my poor conversation skills but these bad feelings have been replaced by apathy. I have come to the conclusion that I am just too different from everyone else.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

i have found that i can only have conversations online because it often takes me several minutes to think up the type of responses you need to use in order to keep a conversation from dying.


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## ElenaF (Sep 7, 2010)

It's also difficult to me to talk for a longer time. I tried to prepare for a conversation before, but found it stupid. That is not the life I want to have.

I also was the "question" person. That was a bit easier, to keep ask questions so that conversation could last longer, but it also didn't work. I mean, it didn't bring me any friend. People talked to me, answered the questions, but didn't want to be friends, never invited to go out somewhere etc. I guess that is not the friend-making vibe. The question strategy I think is only to survive and seem a bit normal to others. But the hell, what a life is that. I've stopped it. 

Honestly, I found it frustrating to put such a lot of interest in other people, I wish they would be like this toward me. When I catch up like this with others, my SA seems to go away, but only when I clearly know that someone is really interested and let me talk, even if I am not a quick-talker. It doesn't happen often though.


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## Ratattack (Jan 20, 2013)

*YUP*

Im so glad im not the only one. I sometimes feel like theres a whole other part to conversations that occur when youve gathered enough momentum that i know nothing about. OR is small talk all there is? This is a real problem for me. How will I ever get a girlfriend if i dont know how to master conversation longer than 20 minutes? anyways im glad im not the only one. Not a day goes by where i dont dread talking to people and running out of things to say or making the person feel uncomfortable cos i kinda cave in.


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## TSpes (Jan 20, 2013)

ElenaF said:


> I also was the "question" person. That was a bit easier, to keep ask questions so that conversation could last longer, but it also didn't work. I mean, it didn't bring me any friend. People talked to me, answered the questions, but didn't want to be friends, never invited to go out somewhere etc.


That applies to me too - I can ask, I can answer questions, maybe even slip in a comment or two if I'm feeling brave enough, but at that point the conversation just dies out. I have no idea what I can possibly say that will keep the other person at least semi-interested. I just don't feel the need to talk about anything, much less make small talk.


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## mardymoo (Jan 8, 2013)

I can't even think of anything to say about not being able to keep a conversation going. I just can't.


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## leslie46 (Aug 23, 2013)

Tess of the Lonely Hearts said:


> This.
> 
> I also find it hard to keep conversation, and I just don't know how the hell people can keep one going for hours on end. I can see that this can get you at least a couple of minutes, but nowhere near that hour mark.[/QUOTE
> 
> I feel the same.it scare's me to b alone with someone.all I seem to b able to do is ask questions or answer a question.


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## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

Wow this thread started in 2010. But yeah pretty much in the same boat.


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## Sophovot (Feb 14, 2012)

*Same here*

I know how you guys feel, I think that most people struggle with finding conversation topics. I thought this comic might be worth adding 
www.viruscomix.com/page572.html


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

bengo said:


> is anyone else like this. This is a pain in the arse as i would find it hard to make friends in life. Does anyone here know how to keep a conversation going. I need more hobbies.


Me too. 
I'm not up to date with popular things.


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## Pike Queen (Oct 16, 2013)

I feel like this too. Especially all through grade school. I remember in my Marine Biology class one day everyone was talking about Jersey Shore and I was just like "...............".

I just laughed about it later. xD Although yes, it is difficult to make friends when you have nothing in common with the majority. -le sigh-


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## Nessie91 (Jan 5, 2012)

You do have something to say..everyone does. It is your social anxiety making you think that you don't have anything interesting to say.

Do you ever listen to what other people talk about? And I mean _really_ listen..what people talk about most of the time is utter bull****.


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## Pike Queen (Oct 16, 2013)

Nessie91 said:


> what people talk about most of the time is utter bull****.


My mom and I say this all the time. xD It's so true.


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## JohnWalnut (May 2, 2012)

I try to think about recent events and ask the person about themselves. But it's hard when my mind goes blank and I don't know much about the person or feel like certain subjects are too sensitive to bring up.


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## Lonelyguy111 (Oct 14, 2013)

When I was younger I almost never opened my mouth and talked about anything. I was silent most of the time and faded into the shadows when people would have conversations. I would sit there like a bump on a log as the saying goes and let everyone else talk. When I was a kid I thought that was normal but as I got older I realized that made me look bad and it was humiliating.

Nowadays I either say too little or say too much and when I do carry on a conversation I tend to ramble on on and on about one subject until people are bored with it and run off. 

Sometimes I think it is better for me just to shut up.
I stink at chatting.

Chuck


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

sigh


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## 06FordM (Oct 26, 2013)

*i know exactly how you feel*

im fed up of having little confidence in myself, holding a conversation is painful for me too, i become embarassed because i always worry about what others think of me...


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## ilovechocolate (Sep 2, 2013)

Lonelyguy111 said:


> When I was younger I almost never opened my mouth and talked about anything. I was silent most of the time and faded into the shadows when people would have conversations. I would sit there like a bump on a log as the saying goes and let everyone else talk. When I was a kid I thought that was normal but as I got older I realized that made me look bad and it was humiliating.
> 
> Chuck


Yeah, kind of the same thing here.
Unless I know the person very well, I'm usually quite silent, or not talkative at all.
The thing is I wasn't even aware of that until I Heard some comments about me not talking too much.

Now I'm conscious about that and I feel bad for it :/

It's just hard for me to come up with something to say...


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

h00dz said:


> Wow this thread started in 2010. But yeah pretty much in the same boat.


I know


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## fairdesires (Oct 26, 2013)

I find it myself feeling very uncomfortable trying to hold a conversation with somebody, I never know what to say, to keep it going. Then when it's silent and the person's looking at me, I feel so akward and out of place. Like there waiting for me to say something, but I don't know what to say, I feel like just crawling back in my shell, wishing I wasn't there.


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## samm007 (Aug 27, 2013)

we have so much in common....
I can talk, make conversation work.. but every time i do that .. i feel something is wrong.. people don't take me serious either.....


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## MJohn (Oct 26, 2013)

One time, I went to a party back in high school which I normally never do but I thought I may as well try it out. So we come into the mingling sessions and I went up to a girl. She asked me my name, I answered, she told me hers, and we never spoke to each other ever again.

I couldn't help but feel so stupid and stiff during that time. I just suddenly felt the fear and anxiety act up and I couldn't even utter another sound leaving behind a really awkward atmosphere between us. And yet eveyone else seemed so fluid and comfortable, chatting away, even for hours and hours on end. It's a real pain but I don't really know how to get any better at it. I sometimes act this way even with the very few close friends I have... 

That's just how it is. And I guess we either have to learn to get better or to accept it.


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## Damiennn (Sep 5, 2013)

I am also a man of few words. I blame it on my bad memory.


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