# no friends, no hobbies, no social life



## jongle (Jul 26, 2013)

My town is quite large but unfriendly. There's nothing I'm interested in doing and no where for me to go. I'm not interested in sport which seems to rule out 90% of potential friends and activities. I have many interests but none that I hold deeply as a part of my personality, I find people get attached to one topic and can talk at great lengths about that topic whereas I can't talk at length about anything and no one wants to listen to me. I sit in the house wasting away.

If I manage to go somewhere with people then I'm just lonely in the crowd. The rare occasion I do connect with anybody, its like they're rationing their precious time and once I get my quota they never speak to me again. I might as well be an android going to these places and nodding and being polite but if I wasn't there nobody would notice or care. I have to invite myself most of the time. 

Has anyone actually got out of this terrible situation before?

The early stages of trying to craft a social life from scratch are tough, just a constant reminder of what you don't have. Going from group to group like a social nomad I get flashbacks to my days on the school playground, I never found acceptance there either.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Any clubs or hobby groups you could join, preferably inside college? Book groups, anime groups etc?

My dungeons and dragons group helped me a lot


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## jongle (Jul 26, 2013)

That's the thing, anime seems to be a common interest among people like us except it doesn't really interest me. Same with popular TV shows, I don't follow them. I don't have anything against them it's just so hard for me to get into when everyone has their own favourite shows. I'd have to watch a dozen different shows just to be able to talk about TV with people. I don't have the patience. Maybe I should give anime a try.


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## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

I've experienced this so many times in my life I can't even count. I've had times I felt like people were taking me out just out of pity like I was some charity case. But then I realized so what use those opportunities to make friends with other people. 

Not sure if you have museums where you are or if you like that but I would suggest going to places you actually like and meeting people there so that way you already have a common interest. Google your town and see what places you may like and google the places you already know of and see if there are parts of the places you might like. If you like video games or something go find some conferences or competitions to go to. 

Don't give up and don't feel embarrassed.


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## jongle (Jul 26, 2013)

I can go to museums and places but I don't strike up conversation with people there. I don't even know how. I think I rush and don't take my time maybe that's part of the problem. When I go out to have fun I end up rushing around just as fast as if I'm late for work.

Supposing I spoke to someone the gap between that and having friends seems like an enormous blank that I can't figure out. I need to learn to just enjoy talking to people for the sake of it, but I don't enjoy talking to strangers.


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## LunaBlitz (Nov 1, 2014)

Talking to people you don't know is part of it. Don't be afraid if you creep someone out the worst of it is they never see you again that's all. Practice is the only thing that can really help. And yeah like you said don't rush enjoy the moment. But don't think too much when about to talk to someone cause then the opportunity might pass you by. 

Nothing is learned over night. Take small steps and have fun with it.


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## Robot the Human (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm in the exact same situation. Most social events seem very uneventful and so painfully temporary. I always feel more teased than satisfied, any time that I go to social events.

As a kid, I felt it was a bit too overwhelming being forced into all of these social events, but at least there was a consistency of opportunity. Now as an adult, it's much more difficult having to choose for yourself when and where to go. It's like I don't know what to do with all of this freedom most of the time.


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