# Why does no one ever invite me?



## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Why does no one ever invite me anywhere (social outings, whatever)?
Why is it that I go to university, I go to gym, I have been practicing martial arts for over a decade with various groups of people and yet no one in my lifespan has ever invited me, not even after a decade! How is this possible?! Why is this?!

I have tried to understand this problem. I have tried to look at the sociological and the historical aspect of it. I cannot come up with a convincing argument for myself. I cannot deduct a good reasoning.

Why do people never invite me? I can't stop asking myself. What am I doing wrong? Is society ****ed up? It must be because of their nationality (which I will not mention). Lately I read in the newspaper that 60% of this population does not interact with foreigners. Surely that must be one of the reasons. But I am missing something. I am missing some secret society contract that I don't know of. Why am I being ignored? Why does no one in my social circles acknowledge my existence? Why am I never invited anywhere by anyone? Why are they so selfish that they go out every weekend, do whatever in whichever week and don't ever THINK of inviting me? It baffles me.

So many questions that drive me crazy and SAD...
Could someone please shed me some light on this?


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## Ronald yek (Dec 8, 2013)

Well I understand how you feel man cause I have actually the same situation as you . I think in life it is too short to feel all sad and lonely. I think just feel happy the way you are. I think you will definitely find the special someone that will always be there for you. Good luck


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Honestly people are self centered and probably don't realise you feel left out. I personally generally unless I have reason to know otherwise (like a personal conversation) assume that everyone has their own lives going on and generally don't invite people to do things repeatedly. 

I find that until you are the one taking the initiative things get lonely people tend to reciprocate invitations that have been offered to them. Except for a few rare super warm and welcoming people . It sucks but unless you are willing to go out on a limb and risk rejection of your friendship thats probably where things fall off. 

I get that we don't want to come off as desperate but I don't know sit and wonder why we're alone or take chances. Its a toss up... I sat and was in painful lonliness for years. I'll take the risk of rejection in my case, after a rough start and some embarassing moments (like inviting people who had no interest in being my friend to do things which got awkward oopsie) ultimately its had a huge payoff in my quality of life.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

Ronald yek said:


> Well I understand how you feel man cause I have actually the same situation as you . I think in life it is too short to feel all sad and lonely. I think just feel happy the way you are. I think you will definitely find the special someone that will always be there for you. Good luck


Thanks man.  I hope so.


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

awkwardsilent said:


> Honestly people are self centered and probably don't realise you feel left out. I personally generally unless I have reason to know otherwise (like a personal conversation) assume that everyone has their own lives going on and generally don't invite people to do things repeatedly.
> 
> I find that until you are the one taking the initiative things get lonely people tend to reciprocate invitations that have been offered to them. Except for a few rare super warm and welcoming people . It sucks but unless you are willing to go out on a limb and risk rejection of your friendship thats probably where things fall off.
> 
> I get that we don't want to come off as desperate but I don't know sit and wonder why we're alone or take chances. Its a toss up... I sat and was in painful lonliness for years. I'll take the risk of rejection in my case, after a rough start and some embarassing moments (like inviting people who had no interest in being my friend to do things which got awkward oopsie) ultimately its had a huge payoff in my quality of life.


You are a very brave person then..


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## dkarazhov (Dec 2, 2013)

That's kind of a normal thing when you are at uni. When you are done with it and get a job you will get invited all the time for social gatherings. In fact you will start to get invited so much that you will stop wanting to be invited. 

I know how it can be at university though. It can be painful sometimes. 

Also, you may or may not be lucky to meet with the like-minded people. My second year of uni wasn't that much fun, but my 4th year was great thanks to my housemates. 

I was also lucky to have been randomly arranged to be in a group with 3 other people at the start of my degree, with whom I'm still close friends after years. 

It may be that you want to be friends with people, but you are scared of the social things you would have to do with them (like I am), and people can feel that, so they stay away. When we are scared (-SA) we tend to always be protective of ourselves, and maybe a little aggressive sometimes, people sense that. 

Maybe YOU could try inviting others instead?


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

dkarazhov said:


> That's kind of a normal thing when you are at uni. When you are done with it and get a job you will get invited all the time for social gatherings. In fact you will start to get invited so much that you will stop wanting to be invited.
> 
> I know how it can be at university though. It can be painful sometimes.
> 
> ...


Housemates.. funny. I can't afford a separate place. I live with my folks. I know some very like-minded people in my classes but only one of them took initiative to start a friendship with me. I am also starting to suspect things from him because the first times he went out of a dim sum dinner with me and now he just heads straight home without asking me anything. Maybe I did something wrong. I don't know.

I hate it when people can feel what I am feeling. It would be better if they didn't - because basically I hate and distrust everyone very much. I am indeed extremely defensive and it has pushed away some of the people I work with. They are much more frigid to me now. What can I say? If the professor states there is a -5% grade deduction for spelling and grammar mistakes and I point the finger at them, telling them the document should be one hundred percent correct according to the latest spelling and grammar rules, DIN norms etc., they start looking ugly at me. I always criticize people very hard as well, but that's just how I am. I hate slackers.

Like my parents said: if people don't bother contacting you, don't bother contacting them. Only go for those who are truly worth your time and personality. And they're right.


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## Khorneflakes (Oct 20, 2013)

to sum up your last post, you hate and distrust everyone very much, you critize people very hard and you won't bother contacting people who you judge beneath your time and personality.

and you say that people never invite you and that you're being ignored. 

to be blunt, it would appear that your associates don't think you're such a comfortable person to have around. i don't know you personally, but from the things you've said about yourself i could imagine why they would behave that way


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

So if you hate everyone, why do you care if they invite you out? I wouldn't want to spend time with people that I hated. (I don't really hate anyone I know in person though). And vice versa, I probably wouldn't rush to invite someone I was sure hated me to do anything. Why make both of us miserable...


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## s12345 (Jul 11, 2011)

awkwardsilent said:


> So if you hate everyone, why do you care if they invite you out? I wouldn't want to spend time with people that I hated. (I don't really hate anyone I know in person though). And vice versa, I probably wouldn't rush to invite someone I was sure hated me to do anything. Why make both of us miserable...


There are people out there I like.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

s12345 said:


> I hate it when people can feel what I am feeling. It would be better if they didn't - because basically I hate and distrust everyone very much. I am indeed extremely defensive and it has pushed away some of the people I work with. They are much more frigid to me now.


You sound a bit like me, don't trust people push people away, and that's part of why we're always alone.


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## Dimmie (Nov 17, 2013)

hmmm, mix it up and invite them...


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