# Guys: Do you like it when girls initiate?



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

When you meet a girl you like, does it bother you if she talks to you first? Or if she makes the first move?


----------



## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I would give anything to have a girl initiate something with me.


----------



## ShyGuy86 (Sep 17, 2011)

It's not that I _like_ it, it's the only possible way for me.


----------



## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

i would say 99.9999999999% of the guys here would pray for a situation like that to happen to them.


----------



## falling down (Oct 17, 2011)

It would be so much easier that's for sure, but I'm typically not shy of females.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

You guys are right, it was kind of a stupid question given the location, I guess. Haha. Ok let me ask you this: If you got over your SA and were just moderately shy, do you think you would still feel that way? What about if you were suddenly confident?


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

I've had girls intiate to me plenty of times. Took advantage of nearly every opportunity.


----------



## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

tigerlilly said:


> You guys are right, it was kind of a stupid question given the location, I guess. Haha. Ok let me ask you this: If you got over your SA and were just moderately shy, do you think you would still feel that way? What about if you were suddenly confident?


I still think non-SA guys would like it. It's usually the guy's job to initiate, which is stressful, so having a girl approach and knowing that she's already interested in you is like a gift. Even if he's not interested in you, I doubt he'd complain about being approached.


----------



## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

Ape in space said:


> I would give anything to have a girl initiate something with me.


 AMEN Brother.


----------



## Ckg2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

rdrr said:


> i would say 99.9999999999% of the guys here would pray for a situation like that to happen to them.


 Say hi to 99.9999999999%.


----------



## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

tigerlilly said:


> You guys are right, it was kind of a stupid question given the location, I guess. Haha. Ok let me ask you this: If you got over your SA and were just moderately shy, do you think you would still feel that way? What about if you were suddenly confident?


:yes It would be very flattering.


----------



## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

tigerlilly said:


> You guys are right, it was kind of a stupid question given the location, I guess. Haha. Ok let me ask you this: If you got over your SA and were just moderately shy, do you think you would still feel that way? What about if you were suddenly confident?


Lilly, just ask him lol.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

rdrr said:


> i would say 99.9999999999% of the guys here would pray for a situation like that to happen to them.


Right. I wish it were more socially acceptable for women to initiate contact with strange men. Why don't you ladies do it more often?


----------



## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

IcedOver said:


> Right. I wish it were more socially acceptable for women to initiate contact with strange men. Why don't you ladies do it more often?


Most likely one of the same reasons why men dont, fear of rejection.


----------



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

rdrr said:


> Most likely one of the same reasons why men dont, fear of rejection.


Yet they have the upper hand in dating, their rejection odds are certainly smaller.


----------



## tyleote (Dec 4, 2011)

I think it's admirable when a girl will go after what she wants. If the guy has a problem being asked out then he's probably not worth your time.


----------



## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

tigerlilly said:


> You guys are right, it was kind of a stupid question given the location, I guess. Haha. Ok let me ask you this: If you got over your SA and were just moderately shy, do you think you would still feel that way? What about if you were suddenly confident?


I've actually talked about this before with a group of friends of mine (they don't have SA and are outgoing), and none of the guys said they would mind, they said they were quite open to it haha. For the most part, the girls said they'd prefer guys to just man up and make a move. If you like a guy, go for it. He's not going to mind.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

IcedOver said:


> Right. I wish it were more socially acceptable for women to initiate contact with strange men. Why don't you ladies do it more often?


Not just fear of rejection. Girls have it drilled into their brain that guys are supposed to make the first move. So when they don't, we think they must not like us enough. Then we're too scared to make the first move because we already have it in our heads that they don't like us.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

tigerlilly said:


> Not just fear of rejection. Girls have it drilled into their brain that guys are supposed to make the first move. So when they don't, we think they must not like us enough. Then we're too scared to make the first move because we already have it in our heads that they don't like us.


Is this feeling really the dominant one in a woman's mind when a guy doesn't try to talk to her (I realize you can only truly speak for yourself, but you know what I'm talking about)? Coming from my perspective, which is of course warped from social problems, I assume that a woman is usually either glad that a guy doesn't approach her because she knows she will reject him/doesn't want to hurt another guy's feelings/genuinely dislikes guys bothering her in public. I assume that most women who are at least moderately attractive think that any guy looking at them must find them attractive, and are annoyed at it. It usually never crosses my mind what you said about a woman thinking a man doesn't like her enough or that they're not good enough.


----------



## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

Actually, I tend to screw up more if a woman initiates conversation with me. Usually it takes me by surprise and then I'm at a loss for words.


----------



## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

It depends on the girl. My first GF initiated, I liked that. Three other girls tried to initiate a relationship with me; I wasn't attracted to them beforehand, and this didn't change that. I guess in those situations I didn't like it, because it put me in a very uncomfortable place.


----------



## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

SA or no SA, I would definitely like it if a girl initiated conversation and tried to get to know me. However, I wish I had the ability to be the one initiate everything. Not because I don't want a women to do it, but because it would be nice if I actually could do that on my own


----------



## kiwikiwi (Jul 27, 2009)

I have written poetry before to men without expecting anything on return and that's what I got...nothing...


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

IcedOver said:


> Is this feeling really the dominant one in a woman's mind when a guy doesn't try to talk to her (I realize you can only truly speak for yourself, but you know what I'm talking about)? Coming from my perspective, which is of course warped from social problems, I assume that a woman is usually either glad that a guy doesn't approach her because she knows she will reject him/doesn't want to hurt another guy's feelings/genuinely dislikes guys bothering her in public. I assume that most women who are at least moderately attractive think that any guy looking at them must find them attractive, and are annoyed at it. It usually never crosses my mind what you said about a woman thinking a man doesn't like her enough or that they're not good enough.


I shouldn't have said "we," as I can't speak for anyone else. But yes, if I am interested in a guy and he doesn't talk to me, when given opportunities, I conclude that he must not be interested. All these guys were raised in the same society I was, and they were all taught that they are supposed to make the first move if they like a girl. I'm scared to ever make the first move because I think, if he liked me he would have talked to me already.


----------



## DI117 (Aug 13, 2010)

Ckg2011 said:


> Say hi to 99.9999999999%.


We are the 99%
We want you to talk to us sometimes.


----------



## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

lonelyjew said:


> It depends on the girl.


This.


----------



## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

tigerlilly said:


> I'm scared to ever make the first move because I think, if he liked me he would have talked to me already.


Even the most confident, extrovert guy can become shy when he really likes a girl.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

proximo20 said:


> Even the most confident, extrovert guy can become shy when he really likes a girl.


But how do you know when that's the case?


----------



## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

tigerlilly said:


> But how do you know when that's the case?


That's life. You never know. Fortune favors the bold though.


----------



## tyleote (Dec 4, 2011)

You ask him out


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

If women did initiate more, I would bet most would hit on the most attractive guys. So probably around 20% of guys would get hit on repeatedly and the rest (80%) rarely if ever.


----------



## spottedcat (Oct 27, 2009)

Oh gods yes! So far all my relationships have been with women who have initiated with me in some capacity. All three of them. 

I have a zero success rate trying to initiate, so I don't bother anymore. It's supremely unfair that society places the onus on the guy to initiate a relationship.

When a girl asks me out I feel on top of the world, because there's really no other way with me.


----------



## proximo20 (Nov 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> If women did initiate more, I would bet most would hit on the most attractive guys. So probably around 20% of guys would get hit on repeatedly and the rest (80%) rarely if ever.


Some women already do. Even in front of their girlfriends or even when they know they are married.


----------



## Glue (Oct 26, 2010)

Sure do. It's the only way I've been able to get a girlfriend. I've never asked out a girl, because I'm a *****, so I'm glad girls initiated.

This was years ago, though. No one has shown interest in me in 4 years. I'm starting to save up for a RealDoll. Have you see those things? They look so real. Throw in a can of sardines and it's pretty much like the real thing.


----------



## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

Much is made of guys' visual attraction to women, so if a woman doesn't believe she fits an attractive stereotype she may not feel confident in asking guys out. There are countless reasons why people don't initiate, and it's kind of sad that people who would make great partners will never get together because of things like quick judgments or miscommunication. I've had good relationships that grew from what wasn't the best of initial impressions (not strictly physical).


----------



## RyanJ (Mar 31, 2009)

As has been said before, everyone is bound to have a different view on this, so I can only speak for myself.

When I was a young teen, I used to think that if a girl was in any way friendly or nice to me, that meant she liked me (you see that sentiment in some threads here too). I quickly learned that this wasn't the case, and probably over-corrected for it. To this day, I always interpret friendliness as just that and nothing more.

So for me there are three main obstacles to asking a girl out. The first is that I may not think of her in _that way_ initially. I might think she is cute / interesting, but won't allow myself to entertain romantic thoughts for various reasons (we work together, she's out of my age range, she probably wouldn't be interested anyway, etc...). The second is that even if I have thought about her in that way and she does like me (and has tried to show such in covert / socially sophisticated ways), I will probably be dense / oblivious and miss any cues that she would welcome my asking her out. My goal is to never harass anyone who doesn't wish to be bothered with those kinds of advances. The third (probably related) thing is that the feeling of rejection is never a pleasant one. There isn't really much you can say about it other than that.

Having said this, there is the question of whether or not I would be alright with a girl initiating things. Even setting SA-related issues aside, I can fairly confidently say that I would be perfectly fine with it. There is a part of me that wants to be the suitor, but this can still happen within the context of the relationship once it has started. If I liked someone, I would not reject them based on the silly notion that it was imperative I must be the one to initiate. I guess if there is a way you could let him know that you like him without going all the way and asking him out, I might give that a try first. However, I think the most important thing is that you act on your feelings and find a way to tell him how you feel - social conventions be damned. For me at least, regrets have always been built on the foundation of inaction. Carpe diem, Lilly. : >


----------



## Charizard (Feb 16, 2011)

You're asking on an SA website. I would be very surprised if the majority of men here didn't appreciate women initiating.


----------



## tardisblue (Dec 4, 2011)

To be honest, I would prefer the girl to show interest and hint at getting together, but I'd prefer to be the one to initiate and schedule the date, etc. It's different for everyone, but I would feel more in charge if I set it up.


----------



## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I like it, as long as they aren't high pressure, won't take no for an answer types.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

tigerlilly said:


> When you meet a girl you like, does it bother you if she talks to you first? Or if she makes the first move?


Not at all. It's only when the feeling isn't mutual that things get awkward.


----------



## quietmusicman (Feb 3, 2012)

Makes it a lot less stressful and easier for me.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

TPower said:


> Yet they have the upper hand in dating, their rejection odds are certainly smaller.


Maybe if she's looking to get laid, that's true. Otherwise, oh hells no. It's probably harder now more than ever to get a guy to commit (especially marriage).


----------



## Meta14 (Jan 22, 2012)

Virtually every female friendship I've ever had was initiated by her. It's almost required.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> If women did initiate more, I would bet most would hit on the most attractive guys. So probably around 20% of guys would get hit on repeatedly and the rest (80%) rarely if ever.


I have thought about the 80/20 rule recently. And honestly I'm not even sure if it's really valid. I was at a strip club last night and I got approached by a dozen + strippers that wanted me to go upstairs with them for a lap dance. I turned them all down (I had already had lap dances with 3 strippers previously in past weeks. Not something I'd wanna make a habit of. The expenses add up. But worth trying just so that you can have that experience). When you have power (in this case, $$$), you have options. And if I really wanted a lap dance that night, I'd probably go with one girl or maybe two girls. Not all 12+. I don't think the alpha male guys would sleep with every decent-looking woman that came his way. I know in your experience, good looking guys have approached you on dating sites or bars to get laid. But maybe you are under-rating your looks and those cute guys that have one-night stands with you just don't want anything serious right now in that point of their lives.

Trust me, if I had my pick of the litter, I wouldn't be sleeping with average looking girls (unless she made it worth your while somehow. ie. Girls who like to stray away from the vanilla side of things get bonus points). Would be a waste of my time. I wouldn't date a girl I wasn't attracted to and it's not like I'm flush with options right now. But I place a high premium on commitment. Not so much on sex. But if I was getting more *** than a toilet seat, I'd be raising my minimum requirements even for sex. Why would I keep hunting out average looking girls for sex if I could text a hot chick I hooked up with previously for Round 2 or find another hot chick?


----------



## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Well....If/when a girl approaches me, I get this odd idea that she likes me. I mean, for a guy to approach you it's pretty straightforward: he wants to befriend you and hang out, np.

But when a girl, and particulary one good looking one approaches you out of the blue, I think men tend to get the idea that they like you. Not that it's uncommon for a girl and guy to be 'just' friends, but, you know right?

Personally I wouldn't mind it at all, and would actually love it seeing as I'm pretty shy when it comes to women in general >..>.


----------



## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Yes please.


----------



## Emsipoo (Jul 13, 2011)

I sort of agree with what another female said earlier. I feel like if a guy hasn't already made a move on me, I'm going to think he's not interested. So no matter how much I like him, I'm not going to initiate anything and risk being rejected. I'm used to those not so 'classy' males being so forward and expressing their perverted feelings RIGHT AWAY, so when a guy doesn't do that, even if he's interested...I'll be thinking he doesn't like me in that way. So now I just pray that if a good guy is genuinely interested, he'll let me know. And if he doesn't, we miss out. I guess it's not worth looking like a fool. Damn pride.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I think whether your male or female it is always good to pursue what your interested in regardless of any other thought process. Occasionally I may get weirded out by a woman approaching me but overall I understand the process and I can't blame a woman for doing so. I also think if I was approached regularly like some people are the less affected I may be toward it, but this shouldn't detour you from going after what you want because rejection for most people is inevitable with dating and quite normal.

Assuming the worst is one of the biggest reasons people are unsuccessful in dating. I should know lol.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Emsipoo said:


> I sort of agree with what another female said earlier. I feel like if a guy hasn't already made a move on me, I'm going to think he's not interested. So no matter how much I like him, I'm not going to initiate anything and risk being rejected. I'm used to those not so 'classy' males being so forward and expressing their perverted feelings RIGHT AWAY, so when a guy doesn't do that, even if he's interested...I'll be thinking he doesn't like me in that way. So now I just pray that if a good guy is genuinely interested, he'll let me know. And if he doesn't, we miss out. I guess it's not worth looking like a fool. Damn pride.


This is interesting, and helps guys like me out tremendously.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Emsipoo said:


> I sort of agree with what another female said earlier. I feel like if a guy hasn't already made a move on me, I'm going to think he's not interested. So no matter how much I like him, I'm not going to initiate anything and risk being rejected. I'm used to those not so 'classy' males being so forward and expressing their perverted feelings RIGHT AWAY, so when a guy doesn't do that, even if he's interested...I'll be thinking he doesn't like me in that way. So now I just pray that if a good guy is genuinely interested, he'll let me know. And if he doesn't, we miss out. I guess it's not worth looking like a fool. Damn pride.


I'm scared of rejection too. Makes my self esteem worse as well.


----------



## lightsout (Jan 8, 2012)

rdrr said:


> i would say 99.9999999999% of the guys here would pray for a situation like that to happen to them.


Quoting this saves me from being redundant, lol.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

It doesn't. Matter if you're a wimp I had a hot babe ask me out but I chickened out cry I'm worried to death I wont have a gf


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I think you underestimate how much guys want variety. Also probably casual hookups with good looking women is even harder to get than with average looking women.
> 
> I guess maybe since women know that good-looking men are unlikely to commit with average looking women, maybe women would actually hit on the top 40% rather than just the top 20% but for a potential relationship, not for casual sex. I still think for casual sex, only the top 20% would ever get hit on by women.


I don't think guys liking variety translates to 80%. 80% is a huge level of variance. Especially in a society where so many people don't take care of themselves and where unhealthy lifestyles are the norm. Especially when women get older. I work in an office with lots of soccer moms. And I scratch my head wondering why they are married or have boyfriends and feel depressed thinking that this is what I have to look forward to when I get older. Except for the resident 41 year old MILF in my office. In my last job, my supervisor was a MILF and there was another MILF working there. But they are a small minority. I understand the need for companionship. But to me, a companion who I don't want to have sex with is called a friend. Not a wife/girlfriend.

To me variety means: attractive girl-next-door brunette, hot redhead, attractive blonde, attractive asian, attractive Girl with the Dragon Tattoo type of chick (and that's only because I'm a bit of an oddball and like alt girls like that), attractive punk girl, attractive cougar. They may vary within the rating scale but not by that much. If I had options, I wouldn't be like "oh I'm sick of girl-next-door brunettes, I think I'm going to have sex with that homely redhead who I consider a 5 at best." In Jersey Shore, the guys typically reject unattractive woman that they call "grenades" and make fun of them.

Casual sex with good looking women may be harder to get. But at the same time, if you have a good looking girl as a girlfriend, that's like a steady supply of sex with an attractive woman. More enjoyable than resorting to one-offs with women who are average or unattractive because you don't want to hit a dry spell. I can get bored of chocolate. But chocolate will always taste better than brocolli. I can understand being tired of steak and going for a burger. But burgers taste damn good still.


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

rdrr said:


> i would say 99.9999999999% of the guys here would pray for a situation like that to happen to them.


^ This


----------



## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

phoenixwright said:


> I don't think guys liking variety translates to 80%. 80% is a huge level of variance. Especially in a society where so many people don't take care of themselves and where unhealthy lifestyles are the norm. Especially when women get older. I work in an office with lots of soccer moms. And I scratch my head wondering why they are married or have boyfriends and feel depressed thinking that this is what I have to look forward to when I get older. Except for the resident 41 year old MILF in my office. In my last job, my supervisor was a MILF and there was another MILF working there. But they are a small minority. I understand the need for companionship. But to me, a companion who I don't want to have sex with is called a friend. Not a wife/girlfriend.
> 
> To me variety means: attractive girl-next-door brunette, hot redhead, attractive blonde, attractive asian, attractive Girl with the Dragon Tattoo type of chick (and that's only because I'm a bit of an oddball and like alt girls like that), attractive punk girl, attractive cougar. They may vary within the rating scale but not by that much. If I had options, I wouldn't be like "oh I'm sick of girl-next-door brunettes, I think I'm going to have sex with that homely redhead who I consider a 5 at best." In Jersey Shore, the guys typically reject unattractive woman that they call "grenades" and make fun of them.


Jesus Christ, no wonder the women here would get so antsy about it.

Is that really true, you think that if the "shoe were on the other foot" and girls initiated guys more most guys would be just as picky?


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Harpuia said:


> Jesus Christ, no wonder the women here would get so antsy about it.
> 
> Is that really true, you think that if the "shoe were on the other foot" and girls initiated guys more most guys would be just as picky?


Guys have to deal with the same sting of rejection. But they approach anyway. What's the difference?

Also don't judge until you actually know what it's like to be in a position of power. If you were actually approached by a lot of women, you would naturally gravitate towards being choosy. At that strip club, I was approached by a dozen + strippers. Those strippers were really trying to hustle hard that night. And they kept bothering me all night. It's actually a pretty weird feeling when the tables are turned and you start to realize why hot women get annoyed with guys constantly approaching them or bombarding their inbox on dating sites. In that environment, $$$ makes you a 10 and those girls need to get paid son. Now if you were an alpha male and you could get a dozen+ women without paying for it, you tell me with a straight face that you wouldn't be choosy. I'm actually not that picky because I am not a so-called "alpha male". But if I was, I would be. It's not being shallow. Women are just as shallow as men. You found that out personally when you get way more replies when you posted your real income on a dating profile. It is what it is. Those really hot strippers wanted my wallet. Those girls on the dating site wanted your wallet.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Harpuia said:


> Jesus Christ, no wonder the women here would get so antsy about it.
> 
> Is that really true, you think that if the "shoe were on the other foot" and girls initiated guys more most guys would be just as picky?


Guys have a different way of rejecting women. Women will either just ignore you or say no thanks or put you in the friend zone.

Men will often have sex with you once or twice as long as you aren't too ugly/fat (this also depends on how desperate the guy is and if he is in a relationship or not) and then ignore you like the plague afterwards. I've actually had a guy who wouldn't even say hi to me the next day when I ran into him at a party.


----------



## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

Harpuia said:


> Jesus Christ, no wonder the women here would get so antsy about it.
> 
> Is that really true, you think that if the "shoe were on the other foot" and girls initiated guys more most guys would be just as picky?


I honestly don't, no. When I was in high school there were two guys in my group of extended friends who were known as ladies men. They were having sex with senior girls as freshman. They slept with some of the best looking girls in the school and yet and if a girl threw herself at them, unless they just totally found her ugly, they would sleep with her. I think guys in general are far less picky about who they sleep with. Now, when it comes to actual relationships, I'd say theres less of a difference, though I'd say men are more concerned with a girl's looks, while women are more concerned with the guy's social status.


----------



## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I do not like girls who don't initiate.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

komorikun said:


> Guys have a different way of rejecting women. Women will either just ignore you or say no thanks or put you in the friend zone.
> 
> Men will often have sex with you once or twice as long as you aren't too ugly/fat (this also depends on how desperate the guy is and if he is in a relationship or not) and then ignore you like the plague afterwards. I've actually had a guy who wouldn't even say hi to me the next day when I ran into him at a party.


How can you possibly equate a one-night stand or a fling with REJECTION?

If the guy was going to reject you, you wouldn't have gotten as far as a flirtatious look, let alone sex. The guy, in your case, is just over you. There is a difference.

And you can't condemn guys for ignoring you after a fling. Girls do the same thing. That's the nature of the fling, and it doesn't discriminate by gender.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

The Silent 1 said:


> I honestly don't, no. When I was in high school there were two guys in my group of extended friends who were known as ladies men. They were having sex with senior girls as freshman. They slept with some of the best looking girls in the school and yet and if a girl threw herself at them, unless they just totally found her ugly, they would sleep with her. I think guys in general are far less picky about who they sleep with. Now, when it comes to actual relationships, I'd say theres less of a difference, though I'd say men are more concerned with a girl's looks, while women are more concerned with the guy's social status.


I'm not about to doubt what your friends' do. But why would they do this? If you were trying to get with a hot chick at a party but this homely looking girl kept trying to get with you, would you go with the homely girl if you were a ladies man? Do those guys need to have guaranteed sex every single weekend night or something? Don't they ever worry about their penis falling off from all the STDs? (for the record, condoms don't protect too well against HPV and herpes. And oral sex is completely unprotected. If condoms were really effective, girls wouldn't have an astronomic HPV prevalence rate. Even herpes is rather common.)


----------



## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

Maybe I'm the only guy in the world then who feels that being rejected by both ways, one night stands or screaming at the top of your lungs that a guy is creepy is just wrong.

I'm usually the type of guy who's willing to be friends with almost anyone, so if I ever got the chance to be choosy and reject a girl (doubt that would happen), she usually ends up a good friend and I try to help her find someone who isn't taken. Plenty of guys could use a good girl and there's plenty of good girls to go around.

Acting like we should accept this as "part of life" is stupid.


----------



## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

I've only been initiated by like 2 or 3 tops, I doubt I've initiated more than 3 in my life, myself. Of course I like it, I couldn't imagine someone that doesn't it's a refreshing difference.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I'd still give off the wrong signals and probably **** the whole thing up anyways.

Initially, sure, but in the long run, it doesn't make any difference. Lol.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Just Lurking said:


> How can you possibly equate a one-night stand or a fling with REJECTION?
> 
> If the guy was going to reject you, you wouldn't have gotten as far as a flirtatious look, let alone sex. The guy, in your case, is just over you. There is a difference.
> 
> And you can't condemn guys for ignoring you after a fling. Girls do the same thing. That's the nature of the fling, and it doesn't discriminate by gender.


So according to you if you have sex it is not rejection? It does discriminate by gender. That sort of rejection that I described probably happens more than 10 times more often to women than to men. I wanted to see the guys I slept with again probably 90% of the time. There is no rule that you can't see a fling again. Two of my ex-boyfriends came from one-night stands.

It's nicer to just say no thanks if you aren't interested in the first place than have sex with someone and then completely ignore them.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Just Lurking said:


> How can you possibly equate a one-night stand or a fling with REJECTION?


What the...there's no way I'd want to sleep with somebody I rejected.


----------



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Ape in space said:


> I would give anything to have a girl initiate something with me.


Couldn't have said it better.

Also, I doubt this is even a serious concern for girls, in general. It's possible that some dumbass guys would be put off by aggressive initiation IRL, but online, I think 99.9% would welcome a girl striking up conversation.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

komorikun said:


> So according to you if you have sex it is not rejection?


This is correct.



komorikun said:


> It does discriminate by gender. That sort of rejection that I described probably happens more than 10 times more often to women than to men. I wanted to see the guys I slept with again probably 90% of the time. There is no rule that you can't see a fling again. Two of my ex-boyfriends came from one-night stands.


It's Dating 101 - If you want anything real to happen with a guy, don't put out so early.

Of COURSE you can have sex on the first meet and still have him get attached to you. I would suggest, however, that it's not the most, umm, 'efficient' way of starting a real, long term relationship.

At least go out to dinner or something and get to know each other? If you're only relying on a physical encounter to form an attachment, you're just _asking_ to get yourself burned.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

phoenixwright said:


> But why would they do this? If you were trying to get with a hot chick at a party but this homely looking girl kept trying to get with you, would you go with the homely girl if you were a ladies man? Do those guys need to have guaranteed sex every single weekend night or something?


It's a foreign concept to me, but I've known guys who would have sex with anyone who had two legs and a vagina.

I can remember this one guy, he was so funny to watch. He'd come onto ANYONE. I asked him about this one time after he'd come on (very strongly) to a very 'homely-looking' girl (who entirely brushed him off).. Afterward, I was like "Dude, what was that?" and he remained so enthused about it - that "as long as she's a girl" (he phrased it a little more colourfully), he didn't care. I don't really know how many girls he actually got together with, but the guy had NO FILTERS. Some guys will be picky; others just don't seem to give a damn.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Just Lurking said:


> he remained so enthused about it - that "as long as she's a girl" (he phrased it a little more colourfully), he didn't care.


Dude hook me up. Seriously. My kind of guy!


----------



## The Silent 1 (Aug 21, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> I'm not about to doubt what your friends' do. But why would they do this? If you were trying to get with a hot chick at a party but this homely looking girl kept trying to get with you, would you go with the homely girl if you were a ladies man? Do those guys need to have guaranteed sex every single weekend night or something? Don't they ever worry about their dick falling off from all the STDs? (for the record, condoms don't protect too well against HPV and herpes. And oral sex is completely unprotected. If condoms were really effective, girls wouldn't have an astronomic HPV prevalence rate. Even herpes is rather common.)


Well, of course if the better looking girl is available at the time, they'll go to her, but if not they werent really that picky. As far as the STDs go, people overestimate the power of the condom and too many guys play Russian roulette with their dicks. But I think you underestimate the power of horniness in a lot of guys and you know how everyone looks a little better when your drunk.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Perfectionist said:


> Dude hook me up. Seriously. My kind of guy!


DUDE, the guy was a sleazeball. You could do better 

Maybe that was harsh. A step below sleazeball?


----------



## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

Her initiating is preferable, although I would still not completely trust my ability to follow up due to my lack of social skills.


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

The only times I had sex and got into relationships were when the girl made the first move. I feel so pathetic and useless as a man. I really need to work on taking the initiative. My SA prevents me from reading the obvious signs.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

I find it easier when girls are more assertive. More willing to drop obvious hints or if she's more direct. I didn't really put myself out there in college and I didn't take care of myself as well in college so I wasn't "approached" by a woman. Or at least it seems that way. And if I was, it wasn't an obvious approach. And at work there aren't any girls around my age in my office. And I never get initiated on POF or OkCupid even though I was rated in the top half of attractiveness on OkCupid and multiple girls have said I was cute/looked nice/attractive (I'm guessing physical attractiveness is not my problem. At least not these days)... Not taking the initiative is a big disadvantage for a guy. If you're not taking the initiative, it's like you are invisible.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Just Lurking said:


> This is correct.
> 
> It's Dating 101 - If you want anything real to happen with a guy, don't put out so early.
> 
> ...


Intellectually I do realize that but I still consider it rejection. It's not always easy to say no to sex when the guy is very attractive and you've been making out for over an hour. Sometimes I think other women must have either really low sex drives or have will powers made of stone. Anyways, I don't party anymore so it's a thing of the past.


----------



## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

It's weird, my boyfriend initiated our friendship, a year later I initiated a closer relationship. He told me that he had no idea that I liked him, that's why he never asked me out.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

Just Lurking said:


> It's Dating 101 - If you want anything real to happen with a guy, don't put out so early.
> 
> Of COURSE you can have sex on the first meet and still have him get attached to you. I would suggest, however, that it's not the most, umm, 'efficient' way of starting a real, long term relationship.
> 
> At least go out to dinner or something and get to know each other? If you're only relying on a physical encounter to form an attachment, you're just _asking_ to get yourself burned.


This is sooo true. lol. But I don't like it when girls take this advice. Because it seems like every time there's a chick that wants to bang me (and that doesn't happen very often since I'm really shy, don't talk with girls much, I don't put myself out there much, even online and girls typically aren't that assertive), she wants a relationship and has idealized me in her head and she wants to fall in looooovvee. And if she's like say a 2-5 on the 10 point scale, that puts me in an uncomfortable situation. Do I say "no thanks" and not get laid? Or do I let her throw herself at me and then have some fun but then bail and break her heart when she's all like "I LUV U!" SAY IT BACK!!! SAY IT BACK DAMMIT!!!!" Though a forum member on here once told me that I'm living in the 1930s like many other SAS guys and underrating just how much women are able to separate love from sex. I have stopped myself from taking advantage of women in those situations. But I have regrets about not doing so because it's frustrating not getting any.

I do feel for girls who keep getting burned like that though. They want to feel loved. I do too so I understand where they are coming from. But if I "settled" for a 2-5, I would constantly be thinking about the grass on the other side. And I would be unhappy (a big part of it too though is that I don't have much relationship experience. I really need to play the field and date lots of girls so that I can get a realistic understanding of what I can tolerate in the long-term). I understand that there is more to a relationship than the physical. There's companionship. But there are friends for that. What else would be the point of "settling"? A steady, convenient supply of sex? (ok that probably IS reason enough to "settle" for a lot of people! lol) I think this is why they teach you that you seeking external validation is a bad thing and that you have to love yourself first and foremost. Because the world is a cruel-hearted ***** and people are kidding themselves when they tell themselves that they aren't shallow. When our generation grows up, I guarantee that there are going to be a lot of single, never-marrieds and divorced people. There is a lot less social pressure to marry now and less and less people feel like they need to have kids no matter what.


----------



## PLarry (Apr 2, 2011)

tigerlilly said:


> When you meet a girl you like, does it bother you if she talks to you first? Or if she makes the first move?


Girls that make the first move are sooooooooo attractive. You have no idea.


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Intellectually I do realize that but I still consider it rejection. It's not always easy to say no to sex when the guy is very attractive and you've been making out for over an hour. Sometimes I think other women must have either really low sex drives or have will powers made of stone. Anyways, I don't party anymore so it's a thing of the past.


Over an hour? How do you make it so long? After 20 minutes my pants are coming off. There is no way I can just sit around just make out without wanting more.


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> This was in South America at bars/clubs/parties. Latinos are real big on kissing and don't mind PDA.


Sounds like a real tease. Hours of making out with no sex? I would get pissed.


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> It's normal in Brazil. For every 10-15 people you kiss, you only have sex with 1 maybe. Kissing is taken lightly. I had a great time.


Brazil the land of the blueballs. No thanks.


----------



## Catnap (Dec 5, 2011)

Call me the "Initiator". :teeth


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

komorikun said:


> It's normal in Brazil. For every 10-15 people you kiss, you only have sex with 1 maybe. Kissing is taken lightly. I had a great time.


I wish I was there. I love kissing.


----------



## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

So the girls in Brazil aren't DTF then? I don't mind making out. But after a certain point, you just want to **** a chick. I have had a couple good lap dances recently and it's such a ****ing tease because you can't bang the strippers (unless they happen to double as escorts and slip you a business card) or at least get a bj.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

phoenixwright said:


> So the girls in Brazil aren't DTF then? I don't mind making out. But after a certain point, you just want to **** a chick. I have had a couple good lap dances recently and it's such a ****ing tease because you can't bang the strippers (unless they happen to double as escorts and slip you a business card) or at least get a bj.


I think American/Canadian women are easier with regards to sex and Brazilians are easier to kiss. I'm not 100% sure though cause men are almost always willing no matter what country you go to. I did find that Brazilian men wouldn't really try very hard to get sex probably because kissing didn't lead to sex very often.

There was a recent survey done by Durex that found that New Zealand women have the highest number of sex partners in the world.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promiscuity#Global_studies



> Global studies
> In 2008, a U.S. university study of international promiscuity found that Finnish people have had the largest number of sex partners in the industrialized world, British people having the largest number among big western industrial nations. The study measured one-night stands, attitudes to casual sex, and number of sexual partners.[9][10][11]
> 
> Researchers said Britain's position on the international index "may be linked to increasing social acceptance of promiscuity among women as well as men". Britain's ranking was "ascribed to factors such as the decline of religious scruples about extramarital sex, the growth of equal pay and equal rights for women and a highly sexualised popular culture".[9][10][11]
> ...


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

30 partners on average? I wonder what is considered a high number...like a 100 or something? If I am making out with a chick for an extended time I expect sex. It's only normal right? How do you just make out and not have sex. That would drive me crazy. This is why men do not like women who tease.


----------



## the dead poet (Feb 1, 2012)

Like it? I depend on it, most of the time.

To the above post - yeah, I think its safe to expect sex after you've been 'making out' with a woman for an extended amount of time, absolutely. Considering both of you are aroused you should each be willing.


----------



## the dead poet (Feb 1, 2012)

Actually wait - no, scratch that. Its never ok to 'expect' sex.


----------



## roylee1970 (Dec 11, 2011)

I love women who initiate contact. It shows strength in them and if they are willing to take the risk of embarrassing themselves to approach me it shows they stronger interest in me then the ones who do not or that I have to approach.


----------



## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

lol, who doesn't....

If you feel like "initiating", please do.


----------



## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

I always liked it more when the girl initiates, makes things alot easier.


----------



## merryk (Dec 25, 2008)

komorikun said:


> It's normal in Brazil. For every 10-15 people you kiss, you only have sex with 1 maybe. Kissing is taken lightly. I had a great time.


Sounds very sensual. I like that. 
Kissing is great


----------



## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

I think all guys like getting hit on by pretty girls. :yes


----------



## roylee1970 (Dec 11, 2011)

Cletis said:


> I think all guys like getting hit on by pretty girls. :yes


Nope not the pretty ones. When they approach they are usually also the loose ones. I like myself to much to take a risk like that. Of course it was not always this way it's been a learning experience thankfully not through diseases.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

dkriot said:


> 30 partners on average? I wonder what is considered a high number...like a 100 or something? If I am making out with a chick for an extended time I expect sex. It's only normal right? How do you just make out and not have sex. That would drive me crazy. This is why men do not like women who tease.


But teasing is sooooo much fun. :b

When I first got there I thought the kissing was kind of childish but after a while I came to like it. You can have some fun and see if you have any chemistry with the guy, without risking getting any STDs and I don't get my feelings hurt if I never hear from the guy again. With sex, I just can't help but feel kind of sh*tty if the guy doesn't want to seem me again.


----------



## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

I must have some kind of approachable but masculine aura or some ****, because im kinda chubby but big framed and 6'3, and i hardly talk. But still during school random girls, usually pretty ones, will just start talking to me,as if they are interested in me in some way. And of course i dont know how to reply.

What i want to know is how to initiate small talk with a quiet girl. I always get paired up with these really cute quiet girls during a class project, and it gets awkward some of the time....what do i do?

o ya, and im really...well....horny a lot haha....and im a psychology major..i find the unconscious clues we give off as body language fascinating...and insight?


----------



## dkriot (Dec 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> But teasing is sooooo much fun. :b
> 
> When I first got there I thought the kissing was kind of childish but after a while I came to like it. You can have some fun and see if you have any chemistry with the guy, without risking getting any STDs and I don't get my feelings hurt if I never hear from the guy again. With sex, I just can't help but feel kind of sh*tty if the guy doesn't want to seem me again.


I think guys would tease girls more if it was actually worth it. Women have the ability to get off on making guys squirm just with teasing. I wish it was just that easy for us.

If I have sex with someone I am clearly interested in them. If I had sex with her I will keep trying to have sex with her unless she was a complete basketcase, seemed super clingy or was a bad lay. There is no reason to commit all that time and effort just to sleep with her once and be done with it.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I love when women initiate. I'm sure most of us do.


----------

