# Would you date someone with SA?



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

I know that there was a thread similar to this one, but I can't find it. Anyway, I thought I'd make a poll to better see how it breaks down.

Let's try to keep the comments civil. I don't want this thread to get locked.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

I think that dating a guy that has SA would be so much easier because he wouldn't always be wanting to go out and do stuff when I wouldn't. Granted that it would be nice for him to be trying to overcome his SA and that we could work on it together and do stuff to push each other to actively engage life. But at least with someone who had SA he would understand my preference to come home and stay home at nights and on weekends - going out occasionally to a movie or to dinner but not clubbing, concerts, shopping and things like that.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

I wasn't sure sure what to vote on. I'd definitely go out with someone with SA but I don't really prefer it or not prefer it.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Well, it wouldn't put me off dating them.


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## luckyduck (Sep 28, 2008)

I did once, and it was really awkward, we both sat around not saying anything.

But I would still do it again. I imagine it could work out with the right person.


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

I don't really care if they have SA or not, but I think it would be nice to have someone who really understands it.


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## outcast69 (Aug 23, 2009)

All I ever wanted in my life is someone who could relate;So,yes,I would prefer to date someone with SA.


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## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

I have no real preference if she has SA fine if not that's fine too.


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## steelmyhead (May 31, 2009)

sure... together we could manage to be one semi-functional person.:mushy PM me if you're interested. I just cleared out my inbox so there should be enough space


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I think I'd prefer it. It'd be nice to have someone who understands.


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## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

uhh where's the one where it says "I'm a guy and don't really care either way as long as they love me for who I am and me for them."

lol =)


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I would vote the option: "I'm a guy, and I would date a girl without SA, but would prefer not to" if that option was there.

But in the end as long as they understand what I go through then I would not mind, because that is the most important thing.


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## EagerMinnow84 (Sep 1, 2007)

SA or no SA, as long as they are understanding and patient.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Girls with SA=Win
A girl without SA would have to be real special for me to pay any attention to her.

My girlfriend has SA btw.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

i voted for preferring SA, but reluctantly

i wouldnt necessarily prefer a girl to have/not have SA. more-so that they like me and I like them, which doesnt need to include SA.

but it might make the relationship last longer since people without SA tend to get bored of me (iv never met anyone with SA..lol..self burn).


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## JFmtl (Dec 23, 2008)

I don't really have a preference or not whether or not a girl has SA. The most important would be that there is love, that she understand me (and virce-versa) and that we "connect". 

That being said, one problem I could foresee with SA girls that has been mentioned in other threads is the fact that SA girls have problems giving positive signs to guys talking to her and they are very unlikely to take the first steps themselves. For example, assuming i miraculously find the courage to talk to a girl (which is already a longshot), if she ignores me or if she is too anxious and looks like she ignores me/turning me down, I know i won't enough courage/will left to insist.


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## Exploding Walrus Backflip (Sep 17, 2009)

If hell froze over and I actually got a choice, I think I'd choose the outgoing girl. Being with an outgoing person would help me learn how to be more outgoing myself. I'd be forced into more social situations. It would be scary at 1st, but to know that she would be there to fill in those dreaded awkward silences would relieve a lot of anxiety. 

...Oh but enough dreaming, as long as she looks human I'd probably take her.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I'd strongly prefer SA or at least very introverted if I ever had the choice.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

No, never. Nothing about that seems even remotely fun.


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## CarlitoBrigante (Oct 29, 2006)

There's different degrees of SA and that is a big factor.


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## rincewind (Sep 7, 2009)

I would, without any hesitation at all. It seems stupid to me to reject someone because they suffer from the same problems you do. Don't know about "preferring" it, I just don't think it would be important if I met someone I liked.


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## Traci (Jan 26, 2004)

I'm a girl and I would date a girl with SA.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

zomgz said:


> uhh where's the one where it says "I'm a guy and don't really care either way as long as they love me for who I am and me for them."
> 
> lol =)


And options for guys who like guys (or both), and "girls" who like "girls" (or both), or those who identify with no particular gender, etc. I couldn't vote for these reasons.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

certainly. i think i prefer that in fact. but from experience of being with someone with SA briefly it was a bit difficult, though his eventually faded away after getting a bit more comfortable with me, but mine was still bad enough at the time and i never managed to get over it enough for it to be successful.


however it would still be very difficult, in the beginning at least since people with SA can be pretty hard to read when you can't tell whether their shyness is as a result of disinterest or just SA and it's difficult to know what they think of me being quiet and whether they are fine with it enough. 
then there's also the issue of someone having to take the first step in making a move eventually in letting the other person know how they feel. personally i think it really sucks when you can't tell whether it's because of SA that is holding them back or just overall disinterest. gah.


so it can be extremely difficult if both have very severe SA and at least one of them would have to be able to take initiative eventually and be assertive or else it would go nowhere.


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## Lithium4 (Nov 23, 2007)

I voted prefer, but as someone else pointed out all that would be required is that they be understanding. If I knew that she had dealt with SA or depression then I would probably feel much more comfortable not having to worry about how she'll react when she finds out about my problems.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

EagerMinnow84 said:


> SA or no SA, as long as they are understanding and patient.


Understanding is the main factor regardless of whether they have SA. Some extroverts can really take to & enjoy introverts/shy types because it's a breather from all the activity they are used to. That said for me having a gal with SA as my partner I feel would be good for me because I think it would bring out more in me. I think I would take a little more charge once we had gotten past the awkward bits of trying to read what SA might mask initially



CarlitoBrigante said:


> There's different degrees of SA and that is a big factor.


This is another truth, the degree of SA in the person is of significance, you would likely have to be fairly close in this regard also


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Prefer it. Otherwise, we'd be spending most of our time apart and that's not really a relationship.


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## leomouse (Dec 1, 2008)

i would not date a guy with sa (well never say never), but i would not try to. the reason for this is that in any type of relationships i think the other person should help you grow as a person and i think an outgoing guy would help me come out of my shell and i can teach the outgoing guy some of the characteristics that i have as the more introverted person. sorta like the yin yang symbol, i find that we would complete each other better.


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## Hypnos (Aug 17, 2009)

I think i d definitely prefer someone without SA, because when i m around outgoing people, that gives me energy and i tend to reflect them with the opposite happening around people similar to me, it tends to heighten my natural personality. I much prefer myself when i m with someone sociable, because it makes me feel good and want to be sociable too.

But of course the person would need to be understanding and i m sure that s possible without them having to suffer from something.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I'd probably lean towards someone with SA.


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## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

The poll results are a little depressing. What is it about SA this is considered so much less attractive in men then it is in women?

BTW, I do prefer women with SA.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Thomas Paine said:


> The poll results are a little depressing. What is it about SA this is considered so much less attractive in men then it is in women?
> 
> BTW, I do prefer women with SA.


Eh, when you look at it it isn't that bad. The number of girls who wouldn't or would prefer not to date a guy with SA is balanced out by the number who would prefer a guy with SA.

It isn't as bad as it could be.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Thomas Paine said:


> The poll results are a little depressing. What is it about SA this is considered so much less attractive in men then it is in women?
> 
> BTW, I do prefer women with SA.


Honestly, I'm surprised it's not worse than it is so far. Then again, it seems quite possible that the guilt/sympathy factor could be nudging the results in a positive direction, so the reality may well be "depressing."


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

anomalous said:


> Then again, it seems quite possible that the guilt/sympathy factor could be nudging the results in a positive direction, so the reality may well be "depressing."


Now that's a cheery thought.


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## Thomas Paine (Mar 29, 2008)

Maybe we just need to start a men's SA public relations campaign.


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## Nani (Sep 19, 2009)

There's no choice for me. I wouldn't date any guy. :lol


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

anomalous said:


> Honestly, I'm surprised it's not worse than it is so far. Then again, it seems quite possible that the guilt/sympathy factor could be nudging the results in a positive direction, so the reality may well be "depressing."


hey i was being completely honest, no guilt or pity there.
plus there are lots of girls here who are with other SAers. plenty of love here for you guys. :heart


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

I'd prefer not, mostly because I need someone to translate my averted-gaze mumblings into normie-speak. And if I'm the bubbly outgoing one of the pair, that's bad, bad news.

However it would be nice to have someone who understands. In my experience trying to explain it to someone who doesn't get it never works out well.


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## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

I'd prefer to date a girl with SA or an introvert. I think it would be easier to relate to a girl like that. Problem is they're harder to get to know than extroverted girls. And, like nothing_to_fear said, its hard to know if someone likes you, but just anxious, or if they are not interested in you at all.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

ShyFX said:


> Problem is they're harder to get to know than extroverted girls. And, like nothing_to_fear said, its hard to know if someone likes you, but just anxious, or if they are not interested in you at all.


Yeah, I had this problem with a girl in my French class. I thought she might be interested, and I was interested, but I couldn't tell when we talked because she was shy. Eventually I decided not to make a move because of that, (and also because of my insecurity with my social life and the fact that I was graduating at the end of the semester and moving back home anyway.)


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

And on a positive note, my fellow shy guys, there are now more girls who would *prefer* to date a guy with SA than ones who either wouldn't or would prefer not to *combined*.


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## Bobby (Sep 22, 2009)

As long as we got along and it was a good healthy relationship, it wouldn't matter to me SA or not.

But with that being said, I would love to find someone with SA that had the same type of mindframe as me so we could help each other overcome it and really push ourselves to become better people and help each other out! But at the same time knowing how one another feels and having no judgements about it. That would be awesome!

But the sad fact, is that meeting people like this in public are few and far inbetween if not non-existant. If one were to notice someone in public one (or both) would be too shy to say anything or try to introduce themselves.


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## Emerald3 (Sep 17, 2009)

I'm not sure, dating someone with SA will know what you're going through but someone without can help you change.


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## Bobby (Sep 22, 2009)

Emerald3 said:


> I'm not sure, dating someone with SA will know what you're going through but someone without can help you change.


I disagree with the last part of this. I dont believe someone that doesn't have it can help you anymore then your friends that dont have it would be able to help you. In order to change you have to be willing to change. Dating someone that doesn't have it isn't going to change what your willing to do to change it.

What I could see happening is you relying on them for everything, making the plans to go places, always making the first moves, therefore giving you a false sense that your being more social since your following them along doing what they usually do. But in the end if it doesnt work out you'd be right where you were before the relationship if not worse.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Bobby said:


> I disagree with the last part of this. I dont believe someone that doesn't have it can help you anymore then your friends that dont have it would be able to help you. In order to change you have to be willing to change. Dating someone that doesn't have it isn't going to change what your willing to do to change it.
> 
> What I could see happening is you relying on them for everything, making the plans to go places, always making the first moves, therefore giving you a false sense that your being more social since your following them along doing what they usually do. But in the end if it doesnt work out you'd be right where you were before the relationship if not worse.


Gotta agree with this. I think people put too much stock in a non-SA person helping them. They probably won't understand fully what your mindset is, and what Bobby said in his second paragraph is what is likely to happen. That's pretty much what I ended up thinking in my one LDR, and you can bet that didn't end well.

I think it would be better to have somebody who has SA also, and risk becoming complacent, then having a non-SA person and end up totally dependent and misunderstood.


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## nightrain (Nov 17, 2008)

I absolutely would date someone with SA 



zomgz said:


> uhh where's the one where it says "I'm a guy and don't really care either way as long as they love me for who I am and me for them."
> 
> lol =)


You are a wise person  I feel the same way.


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## Chris1987 (Aug 14, 2009)

Id love to date a girl with SA because we'd have a far better understanding of each other and could help each other out in different situations.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I would prefer to date a relatively introverted girl who has moderate social problems and hang-ups, not tremor-producing anxiety or agoraphobia which keeps her homebound.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

IcedOver said:


> I would prefer to date a relatively introverted girl who has moderate social problems and hang-ups, not tremor-producing anxiety or agoraphobia which keeps her homebound.


Yeah, same for me. I want somebody who's suffering from SA, but wants to overcome it to a reasonable extent.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

I didn't quite like the answer choices in this poll. I am actually in between preferring to date someone with SA, and dating someone with SA but preferring not to. I don't think I have a preference either way - just dating someone would suffice.

Although dating someone with SA would make relating a lot easier. An understanding of the crap one can go through. That said, I wouldn't want their SA to be extreme. I don't consider mine to be on the severe side, so the level of SA would matter to an extent.


I work in market research though, so naturally I'd find reason to complain about the answer choices! :roll


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Come to think of it, I once dated an introvert for a few months many years ago who was shy in addition (but not to the extent of SAD). Over the course of the relationship we only kissed twice and did not meet very often because neither of us could take the initiative.

I remember it was their friend who match-made us. She thought our personalities meant we would be well-suited.


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## mistermet (Jan 26, 2008)

personally, it doesn't matter to me. i could see potential positives and problems on either side, so it would just come down to it being the right girl for me.


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## El Sonador (Sep 25, 2009)

yep, I wouldn't mind, I will be glad to have someone I can relate to, as long as she's willing to work on the relationship, and try to be positive and fight this SA with me.


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## Havalina (Dec 18, 2004)

I don't care either way. I have dated both.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

Thomas Paine said:


> The poll results are a little depressing. What is it about SA this is considered so much less attractive in men then it is in women?
> 
> BTW, I do prefer women with SA.


I'm just guessing, but it might have something to do with the unfair expectations in our society that men "take charge", make the first move, etc. etc. So perhaps to some women the idea of dating a guy with SA contradicts those general social expectations. It seems more acceptable for women to be the shy/anxious ones.

I don't agree with that, if it's true, but I'm thinking that could be part of the reason behind the poll results. (realized later that this thread is like two months old.... )



ShyFX said:


> I'd prefer to date a girl with SA or an introvert. I think it would be easier to relate to a girl like that. Problem is they're harder to get to know than extroverted girls. And, like nothing_to_fear said, its hard to know if someone likes you, but just anxious, or if they are not interested in you at all.


As a quiet/introverted woman with SA, I couldn't agree with you more (and with *nothing_to_fear*). I have been on both sides of this -- unsure if a guy likes me and is just too anxious/shy to let me know, or just plain doesn't like me that way; and liking a guy but being too shy/anxious to give the appropriate signals. (And maybe a third one: thinking I'm giving subtle signals, that are actually completely off the person's radar.)

It sucks.

I definitely wish I had developed into a more extroverted person. Maybe in my next life.


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

If I like her whether or not she has SA doesn't matter to me.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I'd prefer someone with SA, but someone who still likes to do things e.g., go to the movies, hockey games, etc. I like this type of stuff. I think that I just don't do it since there is noone to do it with.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

I would prefer a girl who is introverted because i think we could both help each other become more outgoing.Id definitely date a girl with SA because i would understand them and they would understand me for the most part.At least my anxiety and stuff.I happen to find shy quiet girls cute as well


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## IHeartSteveMcQueen (May 30, 2009)

I don't think it makes that much of a difference. Lots of people with SA are pretty functional and normal.


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

Steve123 said:


> If I like her whether or not she has SA doesn't matter to me.


Ultimately that's the right answer. :yes

(Who would choose _not_ to date someone they liked, simply because they didn't have SA? That would be weird!)


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

pollster said:


> (Who would choose _not_ to date someone they liked, simply because they didn't have SA? That would be weird!)


(raises hand)

i can like someone who is outgoing, and they can sometimes even like me, but it usually ends in disaster.

i prefer being able to really relate to someone. i realize the odds of being able to actually find that PLUS mutual attraction are kind of low though.


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

if they have sa eew??? of course no! gross!

seriously,just kidding, if any Barrie<->Toronto Ladies want a free meal/night out, send me a message - seriously  I'm normal, ask all the SAS gathering people! just a little bit sarcastic 

We'll have a good time and you can leave at any point you like (first 10 minutes would hurt my feelings, after that I can always pretend family emergency out the washroom window)


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

Saqq said:


> if they have sa ewwwww??? of course no! gross!
> 
> seriously,just kidding, if any Barrie-Toronto Ladies want a free meal, send me a message haha - seriously  I'm normal, ask all the SAS people!


lol. do you send free meals in the mail? I'm kind of hungry.


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

pollster said:


> lol. do you send free meals in the mail? I'm kind of hungry.


Possibly, or a bomb, up to you if you want to leave me your address 

edit: domestic - probably bomb, less security


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## zookeeper (Jun 3, 2009)

Saqq said:


> Possibly, or a bomb, up to you if you want to leave me your address
> 
> edit: domestic - probably bomb, less security


Are we talking a flavour explosion here? Or some other, less enjoyable, type of explosive?


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## pollster (Oct 4, 2009)

"It's like a party in my mouth!"


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## Saqq (Dec 1, 2008)

zookeeper said:


> Are we talking a flavour explosion here? Or some other, less enjoyable, type of explosive?


Bubble Explosion for someone from Soap Fortress -- note, does not taste good - also note: may cause some external damage to male members.


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## matt22 (Nov 25, 2009)

I could never date a girl with SA. impossible. at least not to the level I have it. I mean, I don't think I have to worry about this, as every girl I"ve ever seen is sociable enough, but if she was as shy as me, that would be a problem.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Interesting how there are many more guys who would date a girl with SA than girls who would date a guy with SA. Or is that just an anomaly of not enough girls voting?

I mean no harm by this post, just an observation is all...


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Totally.


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## OverAnalyzer2989 (Mar 25, 2009)

I would think that the poll would have obvious results of people with SA dating others with SA simply because they understand your situation better.

Personally I prefer a guy with SA because of that reasons. I would want someone with SA that is in a bit less introverted than me so that I can grow with him. I'm not the type to iniate things so if he could help me along, I think it would work well. Does that sound like that wouldn't work for some reason, please comment on my page with your comments.


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## sublimit (Aug 16, 2009)

The only successful relationships I've been in is with other guys with SA (not sure if you could call any of my relationships "successful" though). All others ended before they got serious, due to my SA. I'll probably never be able to have a healthy relationship because of my other mental health issues regardless if my partner has SA or not though.


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## FlickeringHope (Oct 12, 2009)

Really interesting poll. I'm actually kind of suprised so many guys said they'd prefer a girl with SA and not so many girls have expressed the same. 

I went ahead and said I'd prefer a guy with SA....but really, he'd just have to have some sort of shyness issues (past or present) or be more introverted than the norm...in other words, as others have said, be able to understand me. That's really the key. 

Ideally, we'd be able to help each other out with our stuff, trying to get past crappy SA issues together. It would be so much better to have someone by your side understanding and being supportive, rather than getting frustrated (and maybe angry/resentful) with your 'shortcomings.'


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

I don't really prefer it or not prefer it; if I liked someone, it just wouldn't matter if they had SA or not. I do feel like it could go both ways, though. It could be beneficial to both, or it could just backfire, if one person's SA is much worse than the other's, and they don't try to make a conscious effort to improve it. But it could also just help both. Every situation's different.


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