# Will virginity prevent me from starting a relationship?



## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

Sometimes I'm concerned that at this point in my life (30 years old) virginity would be a turn off to a lot of guys. Not that I think I'll ever meet anyone anyway, but I would be embarrassed to tell a guy I've never done it before. I've heard many people say that they wouldn't want to be with someone who's inexperienced. As I get older the embarrassment increases. 

Hollywood certainly doesn't make me feel better releasing movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and various teen comedies in which the characters are determined not to go to college still a virgin. I also have to admit it really gets to me when I see threads constantly popping up here saying stuff like "I'm 19 and still a virgin. I'm such a loser." What does that make me?  Of course this means I should apologize if any virgins older than me are reading this. I do apologize.


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## peach (Mar 1, 2011)

ShyViolet said:


> Will virginity prevent me from starting a relationship?


Only if you let it.

I was a virgin until I was 28, and I had the same nervousness about it that you do. But as embarrassing at it is, you need to be honest with your partner about your lack of experience. First time sex tends to be rather painful, and you certainly don't want an overzealous man being too rough because he expects you to not be a beginner. If your partner really cares about you, he isn't going to judge you for being a virgin. Strangely enough, a lot of men have some kind of kink for taking a woman's virginity. Apparently, there's something appealing about being a lady's first.


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## faefae44 (Feb 7, 2011)

It shouldn't. When you find a good guy, he won't care if you're a virgin or not.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

I definitely would warn a guy that it would be my first time. I don't know if it would scare him off though. I believe a lot of guys do feel good about being a lady's first, but I'm thinking that might apply to a younger crowd. For people in their 30s it might be a turn off. You're right though, if he really cares about me it wouldn't matter to him. If he ran screaming into the night then he isn't right for me anyway.

I just realized sex talk isn't allowed here. I'm sorry. If this is inappropriate a mod can delete it.


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## confidencelost (Sep 3, 2010)

It isn't an issue. Nobody who really cares about you is going to mind one bit.

Some guys might find it actually a very desirable thing though. So if you meet someone who does, you might want to take a while to consider why they think that and what it says about their character. If someone genuinely cares, it wouldn't be a negative or a positive I don't think.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

It all depends how open-minded the other person is. I suppose the only thing someone who think of is if the virgin may have "problems" if they are a virgin, but any normal person would see the person for who they are regardless if they are a virgin or not, so it doesn't really matter, and if someone break sup with me because I am a virgin then they are struggling with THEIR "demons", not mine.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

ShyViolet said:


> I definitely would warn a guy that it would be my first time. I don't know if it would scare him off though. I believe a lot of guys do feel good about being a lady's first, but I'm thinking that might apply to a younger crowd. For people in their 30s it might be a turn off. You're right though, if he really cares about me it wouldn't matter to him. If he ran screaming into the night then he isn't right for me anyway.


I wouldn't have a problem with it. Then again, we would be at the same experience level.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

Someone who would throw away a potentially good relationship based on the fact that you are a virgin is a jerk, plain and simple. Sex is not the most important thing in the world, and it's beyond stupid for him to give up a relationship just because other guys haven't done you repeatedly and potentially given you all kinds of diseases. If he judges you for that, throw his *** out on the street immediately.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

It won't. Virginity isn't a problem if you're a female. You're pure. If you're a guy on the other hand......it's an epic fail to most girls you will meet. That's why I don't recommend any guy who's up to a certain age go around "bragging" about being a virgin. For you though it shows purity, and good reputation, honesty, respect, etc. Apparently, for men, it just says somehow we're a loser? It's really crazy.

BTW - the 40 year old virgin makes fun of males, not females 

society used that movie to strengthen the stigma against older male virgins


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## daniel1989 (Feb 14, 2011)

Trust me men don't care if you're a virgin, if we like someone it's not important. Actually it's a good thing you haven't slept with a lot of guys.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Only if you're a guy amirite?


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## daniel1989 (Feb 14, 2011)

Peter Attis said:


> Only if you're a guy amirite?


 Yeah and If you're over 18 and still a virgin don't tell anyone haha.


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## MochaLatte (Mar 14, 2011)

Pay one lol


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

ShyViolet said:


> Sometimes I'm concerned that at this point in my life (30 years old) virginity would be a turn off to a lot of guys. Not that I think I'll ever meet anyone anyway, but I would be embarrassed to tell a guy I've never done it before. I've heard many people say that they wouldn't want to be with someone who's inexperienced. As I get older the embarrassment increases.
> 
> Hollywood certainly doesn't make me feel better releasing movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and various teen comedies in which the characters are determined not to go to college still a virgin. I also have to admit it really gets to me when I see threads constantly popping up here saying stuff like "I'm 19 and still a virgin. I'm such a loser." *What does that make me?*  Of course this means I should apologize if any virgins older than me are reading this. I do apologize.


:doh :lol
*A person who doesn't care what society thinks and is willing to wait for the right guy and not some dude who just happens to cross your path on a night of alcohol haze. *
*This doesn't even take into account all the tropical diseases out there.*

Virtuous Valentine? Valtrex Vixen? I'd date the former.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

Also, anybody who sees someone being a virgin as some kind of "red flag" BS...this tells me 1 thing about that person....they don't know what love is....that's lust.....that's right girls. You're "red flag" means lust, not love.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

The guy might wonder about the reason why you are a virgin. Guys seldom care about virginity itself.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

stranger25 said:


> It won't. Virginity isn't a problem if you're a female. You're pure. If you're a guy on the other hand......it's an epic fail to most girls you will meet. That's why I don't recommend any guy who's up to a certain age go around "bragging" about being a virgin. For you though it shows purity, and good reputation, honesty, respect, etc. Apparently, for men, it just says somehow we're a loser? It's really crazy.
> 
> BTW - the 40 year old virgin makes fun of males, not females
> 
> society used that movie to strengthen the stigma against older male virgins


I've really only been rejected for being a virgin once. Once. And I kinda saw it coming.

There have been at least six more common reasons for why I was rejected. I guess I fail to see why the virginity one would be so common, especially for you since you're still quite young, man.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

stranger25 said:


> It won't. Virginity isn't a problem if you're a female. You're pure. If you're a guy on the other hand......it's an epic fail to most girls you will meet. That's why I don't recommend any guy who's up to a certain age go around "bragging" about being a virgin. For you though it shows purity, and good reputation, honesty, respect, etc. Apparently, for men, it just says somehow we're a loser? It's really crazy.
> 
> BTW - the 40 year old virgin makes fun of males, not females
> 
> society used that movie to strengthen the stigma against older male virgins


Sadly there does seem to a double standard when it comes to male virgins vs. female virgins. I don't know why. I think it's stupid. Personally if I met a man my age or older who was still a virgin I would really like the fact that we could share our first times together.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

ShyViolet said:


> Sometimes I'm concerned that at this point in my life (30 years old) virginity would be a turn off to a lot of _*guys*_.


Stopped reading there. Not for this guy. I don't care if a woman is a virgin, however old she is, period. If anything, it's a turn on, and I'm sure lots of other guys would agree.

So does that answer your question?


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## LifeGoesOn (Feb 7, 2011)

ShyViolet said:


> Personally if I met a man my age or older who was still a virgin I would really like the fact that we could share our first times together.


Me too. I want my first time to be with a guy who is also a virgin. I'm sure there are other people who feel that way too, regardless of gender.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Why virginity is *apparently* (so don't jump on my back) more of a problem for guys: click



> ....
> They showed pairs of male faces to 28 women, who were asked to rate their attractiveness. The faces had been previously rated by 40 different women as of about equal attractiveness.
> 
> The researchers then showed the same pairs again, but added a third female face _in-between_ the two male faces, with the female face looking at one of the two guys, and either smiling or not smiling.
> ...


*Apparently*, women find a guy *more* attractive when other women find a guy attractive. And women find a guy *less* attractive when other women don't find a guy attractive. Being a male virgin means no other women found you attractive enough to sleep with. Therefore, you mustn't be all that attractive (or maybe, there's something wrong with you).

This is not the case for female virgins, because female virginity has historically been associated with good character, virtue and purity. While male promiscuity (non-virginity) has been associated with virility. So, ideal masculine manly man = dude who ****s around. Ideal feminine womanly lady = virgin.

In short, there's nothing to worry about.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

People look at virginity a funny way sometimes, but really if you meet someone and you really hit it off, I would be willing to bet they won't mind. I don't think virginity will keep you from starting a relationship.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

joinmartin said:


> Again with the research studies. And the flawed logic. Being a male virgin means no other women found u attractive enough to sleep with u. Rubbish. It means something hasn't happened yet. What were the women who liked the guy that way supposed to do, jump onto of him?
> 
> I don't know how u jumped from the mild concept if female social proof to a male virgin automatically being so because he's unattractive?
> 
> It just doesn't follow unless u already accept the creed that if something hasn't happened in your life then u must have been judged as bad or wrong or unattractive. Far too many people jump on that bandwagon.


Hey, don't shoot the messenger. 

It's just a study about how human female attraction works. *You don't need to accept it as the gospel truth.* I don't either. And I wasn't looking to annoy anybody, therefore the use of "apparently" in bold.

I just thought it was an interesting phenomenon and wanted to share it. It's good to be informed of what research turns up. *Even when different research turns up contradicting results.* It is open to debate, challenge, discussion, whatever. Again, nobody has to "accept" it.

I'm far less bothered by my virgin status btw, than most people on here, perhaps including the original poster in this thread. So, I'd like to stress that this isn't about me.

Yes, I speculated about how that might lead to a male virgin being thought of as unattractive but so what? It wasn't something entirely without merit. There is a logical link between attractiveness and mate desirability. Maybe it is a lot more complicated than the simple connection I made, but it's not like I am correlating the price of grapes in Iran to that of mangoes in Brazil. Also, people are free to disagree if they think I am wrong, and even free to express why they think I am wrong.

Would you rather that we never look up anything that challenges our views? Or never read about anything that is written from a different point-of-view than ours? Or shun anything that makes us uncomfortable? Never have discussions about anything controversial?


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## daniel1989 (Feb 14, 2011)

It's only a problem if you make it a problem.


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## krista91 (Feb 11, 2011)

stranger25 said:


> It won't. Virginity isn't a problem if you're a female. You're pure. If you're a guy on the other hand......it's an epic fail to most girls you will meet. That's why I don't recommend any guy who's up to a certain age go around "bragging" about being a virgin. For you though it shows purity, and good reputation, honesty, respect, etc. Apparently, for men, it just says somehow we're a loser? It's really crazy.
> 
> BTW - the 40 year old virgin makes fun of males, not females
> 
> society used that movie to strengthen the stigma against older male virgins


The fact that female virgins are seen as pure is actually a way to oppress women and prevent them from having an active sexual life. I mean, do men who sleep with loads of women get called ****s?

And to answer the OP I guess nothing new to add. If a guy cares about you, he won't mind about your virginity.. at least I should hope so.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

heroin said:


> This is not the case for female virgins, because female virginity has historically been associated with good character, virtue and purity. While male promiscuity (non-virginity) has been associated with virility. So, ideal masculine manly man = dude who ****s around. Ideal feminine womanly lady = virgin.


Not in modern world though. It's so uncommon for anyone over 20 to still be a virgin that people are bound to think it's weird and that you must have some sort of problems. I guess, SA can be considered a problem..

But I agree that if two people love each other, they won't put emphasis on such things. Being someone's first is special, so why wouldn't anyone want that with the person they care about? If they don't it only goes to show how shallow they are and that they don't love you.


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## peach (Mar 1, 2011)

heroin said:


> Why virginity is *apparently* (so don't jump on my back) more of a problem for guys: click
> 
> *Apparently*, women find a guy *more* attractive when other women find a guy attractive. And women find a guy *less* attractive when other women don't find a guy attractive. Being a male virgin means no other women found you attractive enough to sleep with. Therefore, you mustn't be all that attractive (or maybe, there's something wrong with you).


I would take any article entitled "Social Proof, The Secret To Selling More And Being More Attractive To Women" posted on a website called "Internet Influence Magic" with a huge grain of salt. As someone who often has to do a lot of research for editorials and essays, I understand how important the credibility and reliability of a source can be when quoting from it. And I have to say, this sentiment is pure crap. I have not now, nor have I ever, been attracted to men because I saw that other women were attracted to them. On the contrary, I've been more attracted to men who don't appear to have a lot of female attention (less competition for me), and I certainly couldn't care less about anybody's sexual history, whether they are virgins or raging ****s. To each his/her own. And I can safely say that a lot of women feel the same way I do.



> This is not the case for female virgins, because female virginity has historically been associated with good character, virtue and purity.


The reason for this is historically, a female's value has been placed on her genitals. Only until relatively recently have women been considered more than factories for making babies and the property of a man, first her father, then her husband. Why? Because of inheritance. Long before the days of paternity testing, the only way a man can be sure that the children he passes his possessions on to were really his was to control the sexual behavior of his wife. What better way to instill this control than to indoctrinate young people with believing that a female's chastity determined her worth as a person.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

peach said:


> I would take any article entitled "Social Proof, The Secret To Selling More And Being More Attractive To Women" posted on a website called "Internet Influence Magic" with a huge grain of salt. As someone who often has to do a lot of research for editorials and essays, I understand how important the credibility and reliability of a source can be when quoting from it.


I first read of that particular phenomenon when reading an article about the ****/stud dichotomy. Couldn't find the original source, but it's there somewhere. I'll post it if I ever find it.

Here is a more reliable article: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619-its-true-all-the-taken-men-are-best.html
Here's another: http://www.scienceblog.com/community/older/2000/D/200003128.html



peach said:


> And I have to say, this sentiment is pure crap. I have not now, nor have I ever, been attracted to men because I saw that other women were attracted to them.


The phenomenon is not supposed to be a conscious one.



peach said:


> On the contrary, I've been more attracted to men who don't appear to have a lot of female attention (less competition for me), and I certainly couldn't care less about anybody's sexual history, whether they are virgins or raging ****s. To each his/her own. And I can safely say that a lot of women feel the same way I do.


Fair enough.

This is not about you. You may not find "taken" guys attractive. That is not what we are discussing. It's about the results of a few studies conducted to better understand human attraction. And they suggest that this is what was observed and may hold true as a general rule. There may be other studies out there that don't say so or say the exact opposite. I don't know why everyone takes discussions like these personally.


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## Chris16 (Nov 1, 2010)

I think people like Stranger25 have trained a lot of posters to immediately react negatively if they see anything resembling a study put onto the table for discussion.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

Chris16 said:


> I think people like Stranger25 have trained a lot of posters to immediately react negatively if they see anything resembling a study put onto the table for discussion.


It's not him. You've obviously never heard of "ghosting". (Not that I don't think he is one.)


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## suddenstorm (Feb 2, 2011)

Ape in space said:


> Someone who would throw away a potentially good relationship based on the fact that you are a virgin is a jerk, plain and simple. Sex is not the most important thing in the world, and it's beyond stupid for him to give up a relationship just because other guys haven't done you repeatedly and potentially given you all kinds of diseases. If he judges you for that, throw his *** out on the street immediately.


I agree with this x2!

OP, I don't see why it would prevent a relationship. If he is a good guy, it really won't matter. Just make sure when you do sleep with him, hes worth it and YOUR body.

From this female viewpoint, I actually find guys more attractive when they haven't been around town. Guys with a lots of sex partners are definitely a turn-off.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

Chris16 said:


> I think people like Stranger25 have trained a lot of posters to immediately react negatively if they see anything resembling a study put onto the table for discussion.


Nope, what others right has nothing to do with me.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

No. It won't. And if a guy finds it a problem, there is something wrong with his brain...So you have nothing to worry about.


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## Judith (Sep 27, 2008)

Oprah did an episode recently on 30 year old virgins to show it's really not unheard of at all as the media would have us believing.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

It wouldn't bother me in the least and as others have said if it does bother the guy hes not right for you anyhow. I never really thought about what it would be like to date a virgin, actually i think it'd be a pretty cool experience certainly different.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Like others have said, you're at an advantage because of your gender. If you get along with a guy and intimacy seems imminent, I doubt very much that he would ditch you because of your inexperience. Sure, it would be a shock, but rarely will a man pass up sex. The one exception would be if it is for religious reasons. That, and the fact that a guy knows he won't be getting into a girl's pants until he makes the awful mistake of "putting a ring on it", would be a turn off to many and send them packing. 

I, who am older than you, am at a disadvantage being a virgin at this age and male. I've never been on a date, so can't relate any experiences of failure, but I'm sure it would be a much tougher sell for a man to admit it than a female. However, it's not something I would keep a secret from a woman I really liked and with whom I would want to have my first time. If that means she would run screaming away, then so be it.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

No, it won't.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

OP, there was this interesting article a few years ago about involuntary virginity among women in their late 20s and 30s: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2006/09/06/virgins/index.html

Something like that scenario in the first paragraph happened to me a year ago.


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## ShyViolet (Nov 11, 2003)

emptybottle2 said:


> OP, there was this interesting article a few years ago about involuntary virginity among women in their late 20s and 30s: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2006/09/06/virgins/index.html
> 
> Something like that scenario in the first paragraph happened to me a year ago.


Thanks for the link. It was an interesting read. It talks about exactly what I fear. I'll try to remind myself that if a guy does end what could be a great relationship simply because I'm a virgin, then he's no good for me.

Thanks everyone.

If only there was a dating site for virgins.  Doubtful anyone would want to put their face on it.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I have actually been rejected for being a virgin.

Hoenstly I think men believe if they take a woman's virginity she will be clingy.

But according to others I'm not supposed to lose it, but wait for the right one to come along.

I don't see that happening. I guess from now on I will not tell whoever I meet that I am a virgin and let him do whatever to me to get it done with. At least I won't have this problem hanging over my head anymore.


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

ShyViolet said:


> Sometimes I'm concerned that at this point in my life (30 years old) virginity would be a turn off to a lot of guys. Not that I think I'll ever meet anyone anyway, but I would be embarrassed to tell a guy I've never done it before. I've heard many people say that they wouldn't want to be with someone who's inexperienced. As I get older the embarrassment increases.
> 
> Hollywood certainly doesn't make me feel better releasing movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and various teen comedies in which the characters are determined not to go to college still a virgin. I also have to admit it really gets to me when I see threads constantly popping up here saying stuff like "I'm 19 and still a virgin. I'm such a loser." What does that make me?  Of course this means I should apologize if any virgins older than me are reading this. I do apologize.


Should be proud of it IMO.
When the time comes the guy knows he's your first it could be something really special. Atleast he'd know you don't sleep around for one.


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

Sindelle said:


> I have actually been rejected for being a virgin.
> 
> Hoenstly I think men believe if they take a woman's virginity she will be clingy.
> 
> ...


clingy like the female character in the wedding crashers if you've seen it.

Depends who you want to sleep with doesn't it. The guy could be a real prick.

I couldnt imagine what its liek for women...Imagine if you lost it to a black man or some guy thats hung like a table leg. That must hurt.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

ShyViolet said:


> Sometimes I'm concerned that at this point in my life (30 years old) virginity would be a turn off to a lot of guys. Not that I think I'll ever meet anyone anyway, but I would be embarrassed to tell a guy I've never done it before. I've heard many people say that they wouldn't want to be with someone who's inexperienced. As I get older the embarrassment increases.
> 
> Hollywood certainly doesn't make me feel better releasing movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and various teen comedies in which the characters are determined not to go to college still a virgin. I also have to admit it really gets to me when I see threads constantly popping up here saying stuff like "I'm 19 and still a virgin. I'm such a loser." What does that make me?  Of course this means I should apologize if any virgins older than me are reading this. I do apologize.


I am almost the same age as you and have my "V-status" as well. I also had the same reaction when the 40-Year-Old Virgin came out, I was mortified and laughing at the same time. Like "OH NO! This is going to be me!!" :b It was hysterical how he was counting down the number of dates and how his co-workers seemed to be "cheering him on" and asking him what # date he was on.

I have been trying to make myself feel better about it as of late:

1) I try to go easier on myself because I have had a lot of issues going all the way back to childhood that make it hard for me to get emotionally close to anyone (never mind the physical stuff).

2) my sex drive has increased a ton in the past year or so, so that doesn't make me feel so "asexual", if you will. Has this happened to you recently as well? Sex drive increases significantly for women who are our age. Do you know what turns you on? Becoming more comfortable with your sexuality and your body will make you feel more confident and not so "inexperienced".

3) I have shared my humiliation about being a virgin with a few close friends of mine (although these people are all girls). Some of them were surprised when I told them. None of them judged me at all nor said anything unkind or made me feel childish. One person shared with me that she didn't lose her virginity until she was 24, and she was someone whom I figured had probably had sex in college. I think that if anything, showing your vulnerability to someone (and this is pretty vulnerable-feeling stuff!) makes you even more lovable to someone else. For instance, sometimes I watch that show "In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman" on the Oprah channel (even though I hate Oprah, I feel like a hypocrite for watching it :teeth) and you know what? I genuinely like every single couple at the end of an episode because they have showed their most vulnerable, personal selves.

4) I could never have sex with anyone I don't love. I wouldn't be turned on. I have never fallen in love with anyone because I have never loved myself. And isn't that the key to loving someone else? I'm not on a religious or moral crusade, I'm not "saving myself" for the right person, and I'm not kidding myself...I know my eventual partner will most likely not be a virgin and I am not judging. Here's what I would do if I were in a situation...I think you should avoid disclosing this until you really, really get to know a guy and feel that you are ready to discuss taking it to another level. Then, tell him. He deserves to know and you deserve to know his history. If he is put off by it, then he really isn't in love with you.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

ShyViolet said:


> If only there was a dating site for virgins.  Doubtful anyone would want to put their face on it.


LOL, could be interesting...but I don't think there would be any effective way to screen for people who are playing games!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Anyone worthwhile won't care if you are a virgin.. if you want to wait that's your choice it's your body and your life. Plz plz plz... pretty plz don't feel worried/insecured about this!
Anybody whos matters wont mind, and people who minds wont matter.. or however that goes.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

Ape in space said:


> Someone who would throw away a potentially good relationship based on the fact that you are a virgin is a jerk, plain and simple. Sex is not the most important thing in the world, and it's beyond stupid for him to give up a relationship just because other guys haven't done you repeatedly and potentially given you all kinds of diseases. If he judges you for that, throw his *** out on the street immediately.


Well said.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

senrab said:


> LOL, could be interesting...but I don't think there would be any effective way to screen for people who are playing games!


I doubt that anybody over 25 would lie about it...


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

true


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.

I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding.


You essentially just called about 50-75% of the male membership of this board creeps and "worth avoiding." Have a cookie.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.
> 
> I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


:yay


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.
> 
> I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


Why? Really? Couldn't you have just kicked a puppy or something?


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.
> 
> I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


:sus

Wow.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Life is nothing like the movies. It really doesn't matter unless you think about it enough to make it so.


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## Harpuia (Apr 10, 2010)

Hey Sindelle, I think I know how it feels now to know what it's like to not count as a real person after that last paragraph comment.

Can I join ya? lol.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.
> 
> I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


Your candour is very much appreciated.

I am not being sarcastic. I really wish people would be more honest when faced with an uncomfortable question instead of just lying in order to "be nice".


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## the lost one (Mar 25, 2011)

*Dont be embarrassed*

You still have something that a great deal of people would love to have back. Good on you! I can guarantee that there are more people in the world would like to have their virginity back because of a bad experience than went to go see "The 40 year old virgin".

Personally I think it is an endearing achievement and would never percieve you as a loser


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> The virginity of a person shouldn't matter, but in a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, (relatively older) men who are virgins and not by choice are usually just bad news and probably worth avoiding. This is especially true if they're not just socially awkward... but also the type who watches porn and masturbates all the freaking time.
> 
> I would feel less suspicious of men who choose to be virgins for religious or personal reasons. But as for everyone else, if I must proceed I would do so with caution. :|


In a society that doesn't shy away from sex and where guys have been trained since they were young to hump anything that moves, I would be wary of the guys who hump anything that moves.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

heroin said:


> Your candour is very much appreciated.
> 
> I am not being sarcastic. I really wish people would be more honest when faced with an uncomfortable question instead of just lying in order to "be nice".


Is an unsolicited and off topic caution about men who are virgins a better example of candour than "you'll be OK" comments directed toward a woman OP, or does rnr's comment just confirm what you believe and so you're more comfortable with it?


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

Only you will prevent yourself from having a relationship. If it was not possible for a virgin to have a relationship then no one would have one.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Atticus said:


> Is an unsolicited and off topic caution about men who are virgins a better example of candour than "you'll be OK" comments directed toward a woman OP, or does rnr's comment just confirm what you believe and so you're more comfortable with it?


It isn't that far off topic. And it's candour doesn't have to be compared to that of answers to the OP because her post only talks about male virginity.

And yeah, you got me. Some part of my comfort with it comes from it being more in line with what I believe. But much of it also comes from the poster's ability to voice an unpopular opinion. For some reason, it seems pretty easy to tell people what they want to hear than to tell them what they don't want to hear (she did take flak for it). I suppose that made it easier for me to comment on its candour. It was just a sort of encouragement to not stop voicing unpopular opinions due to fear of being set upon by other posters.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

heroin said:


> It isn't that far off topic. And it's candour doesn't have to be compared to that of answers to the OP because her post only talks about male virginity.
> 
> And yeah, you got me. Some part of my comfort with it comes from it being more in line with what I believe. But much of it also comes from the poster's ability to voice an unpopular opinion. For some reason, it seems pretty easy to tell people what they want to hear than to tell them what they don't want to hear (she did take flak for it). I suppose that made it easier for me to comment on its candour. It was just a sort of encouragement to not stop voicing unpopular opinions due to fear of being set upon by other posters.


In the context of this site and it's stated purpose, and knowing that the issue of virginity beyond a certain age is especially painful for men here, I think the comments are designed to inflict pain. Add the context of this thread, which is about a *woman and her virginity*, and this sort of vague caution to avoid virgin men because they are "bad news" shows someone going out of her way to make a point. A hurtful one.

If she had plainly said that she personally has issues with men who are virgins past a certain age, I'd respond differently, if at all. Same if she had said that men who are virgins past a certain age face a stigma if they make this known. I see that as being more about candour.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Atticus said:


> In the context of this site and it's stated purpose, and knowing that the issue of virginity beyond a certain age is especially painful for men here, I think the comments are designed to inflict pain. Add the context of this thread, which is about a *woman and her virginity*, and this sort of vague caution to avoid virgin men because they are "bad news" shows someone going out of her way to make a point. A hurtful one.
> 
> If she had plainly said that she personally has issues with men who are virgins past a certain age, I'd respond differently, if at all. Same if she had said that men who are virgins past a certain age face a stigma if they make this known. I see that as being more about candour.


Maybe she didn't word it very well. But we're adults. Shouldn't we be able to deal with unpleasant opinions and arguments? Instead of just avoiding them because they're "hurtful"?

I'm one of them too-old male virgins who are bad news, by the way.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I have to agree with the banned stranger, at least somewhat.

But I also have to say that, as a 28 year old virgin, that the right person won't care. However, finding them will be the problem.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Screw what society says... they try to control me with shame... but I just bypass it. I'll tell her straight in her face that I'm a virgin. Like it or lump it. She can screw her face up in disgust for all I care. Plenty more chicks out there.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

I think the best scenario would be find another virgin. I think it would be quite romantic too


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## kiwikiwi (Jul 27, 2009)

Amocholes said:


> Only you will prevent yourself from having a relationship. If it was not possible for a virgin to have a relationship then no one would have one.


Yeah exactly everyone has been a virgin at some point does it really has to matter if it is 5 or 10 years later.


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## caithiggs (Jan 11, 2009)

I know it's difficult to be a virgin because of all the "unknowns" I guess, however I'd take it any day over having sex before you're ready and then leading life after that in a way where you never open up to the idea of being ready for sex. If it already happened when you were a teenager there is nothing to open up to anymore, right? I am 25, still wish I was a virgin so that I could do it the right way! 

If you are a virgin you got promise and a future ahead of you. You can get in touch with your sexuality first, and then make a conscious decision to lose your virginity (obviously teenagers can do this too, I'm not saying they can't, but how often do they, really?) 

Anyway, when you're worried about how people will view your virginity, it's really all about how you carry yourself. And it's just like ANY other insecurity. If you want people to respect you, you should want to master it. I mean master the insecurity. Stop feeling insecure about being a virgin and start feeling proud! If a guys sees a woman in her thirties who is proud to say she is a virgin because she knew how long to wait before she was ready to lose it, nobody can rightfully judge her. When that woman tells a man she's ready and willing to now lose her virginity to him, that man better realize what an amazing compliment that is, and realize what an amazing sex life they can have together because they'll be going into sex with a fresh mind. That's hot, if you ask me! Nothing to be ashamed of. Seriously, you just have to think about your sexuality in the right way and then nothing society conditions us to believe matters. And whatever outsiders might believe will not matter either. 

Hey, there are plenty of non virgins out there too, who will absolutely never be sexually in touch no matter how many times they have sex. How is that better than being a virgin for decades of your life except that they got the card of losing virginity? Some status symbol? What does that mean in the end, really?


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