# To People With No Friends



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I have no friends anymore.

Do you have no friends by "choice"- pushing people away because of SA- or by other reasons?

Do you want to have friends now and if so how many? Or are you fine with not having any friends?

For myself I would be happy with one good friend right now. I miss having that sometimes.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I don't have a choice in being dull and unable to communicate.

Just... however many it takes.


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## msh (Mar 19, 2012)

Me neither. I guess it's partly by choice. I just haven't put in any effort whatsoever anymore in the last 4 years of college and never tried to keep in touch with friends from before college (not that there would've been much of a point as beyond sarcastic banter to pass the time in school there never had been anything I wanted to do with them anyway) When I start working this fall I might try to make some friends at the workplace though.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

I don't reach out to other people because of my SA. That's my problem. 

I would like to have a good friend, but I doubt it'll ever happen. I'm not interesting enough for other people.


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## ZortnTroz (Aug 23, 2013)

Not unless the other person enjoys having a mannequin shadowing them.


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## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

I have no friends mainly because of SA I would say, I just can't seem to get that "connection" with other people, i don't talk much, but even when I do try it doesn't get me very far at all. My quietness seems to push people away, they don't even bother trying to talk to me most of the time anymore. I guess the fact that i never try to initiate conversation makes it even worse off for me. I usually never talk unless someone talks to me first, I don't know why.

Am I content with no friends?

No, every day is very lonely for me, the weekends are the worst. Wishing I could go out and see a movie with a friend or something, but I have no one who is willing to do anything with me. So I just sit at home, all day every day after work.


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## masterridley (Jan 20, 2007)

Hey, did someone call me? No friends here, never 've had any except briefly in last grade of high-school.

What I'd be happy with? Quality, not quantity. A single good friend after all I've been through would be like heaven for me.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

SA is definitely the reason for me. I'm horrible at making small talk and opening up about myself, let alone putting in energy to keep in touch and plan interesting things.

One friend is all it takes.


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## Chrissie4 (May 1, 2014)

I have no friends by choice. I've recently realised I push people away, not because of SA, but because I don't need friends right now. I am very close with my family and that's all I need. I can talk to them about anything and they are always there for me. 

So if I'm with people my own age, I tend to hold myself back and not reveal too much about myself so as to keep a distance from them and not form friendships. Which doesn't help when I want to overcome my SA. I find talking to people so difficult at times.

But I believe everyone needs someone to be able to talk to. Could be a parent, sibling, partner or friend, just anyone who cares for you and will take the time to listen to what's on your mind.


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## dictorial85 (Jun 1, 2014)

*What Even Defines a Friend?*

I have the same issue, lacking friends.But a suggestion, if you can just start a conversation sometime, you never know where it may lead and what do you have to lose? But when it came down to it I asked myself what is a friend? And to me its a person who can will stand there by you and be there in the end, and you would do the same for them. But my question do people even have the loyalty to be a ****ing friend?


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Chrissie4 said:


> I am very close with my family and that's all I need. I can talk to them about anything and they are always there for me.
> 
> So if I'm with people my own age, I tend to hold myself back and not reveal too much about myself so as to keep a distance from them and not form friendships. Which doesn't help when I want to overcome my SA. I find talking to people so difficult at times.
> 
> But I believe everyone needs someone to be able to talk to. Could be a parent, sibling, partner or friend, just anyone who cares for you and will take the time to listen to what's on your mind.


I can definitely identify with this. I'm also close to my family and can talk about very personal things with them- especially my older brother and a cousin I'm close to.

I don't have any friends but it's not like I have no one to ever confide in. I hang out with my brother and my cousin and some of his friends sometimes and that is pretty cool. I would just like one or two of my own friends that aren't family to hang out with sometimes.


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## HelpfulHero (Aug 14, 2013)

I have very few close friends. I feel it is difficult to share my mind with others.


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## Chrissie4 (May 1, 2014)

Oh I forgot about the social side of having friends. That's because I am a total introvert and just LOVE spending time by myself. I don't miss going out at all!

Perhaps you could join a SA group. That's what I would do. You would be able to hang out with people like you who understand the awkwardness of SA. Do some research online.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

Darktower776 said:


> I can definitely identify with this. I'm also close to my family and can talk about very personal things with them- especially my older brother and a cousin I'm close to.
> 
> I don't have any friends but it's not like I have no one to ever confide in. I hang out with my brother and my cousin and some of his friends sometimes and that is pretty cool. I would just like one or two of my own friends that aren't family to hang out with sometimes.


Same, I'm very close with my immediate family (relatives not so much). My older brother and I do a lot of stuff together like going to games and certain hobby expos.

At some point, though, spending too much time with family gets old and you start craving interaction with different people. Problem is, besides SA I am very slow to open up, so I would have to find people patient and understanding enough to hang with.


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## GrainneR (Feb 7, 2014)

Yeah, no friends. It's been a combination of rejection, and then isolation. I'd like to have a few good friends.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Jammer25 said:


> Same, I'm very close with my immediate family (relatives not so much). My older brother and I do a lot of stuff together like going to games and certain hobby expos.
> 
> At some point, though, spending too much time with family gets old and you start craving interaction with different people. Problem is, besides SA I am very slow to open up, so I would have to find people patient and understanding enough to hang with.


Yep, same here. I like hanging out with my bro but it definitely gets old sometimes.

I too am usually slow to open up to people. Part of it is my own fears about certain things and I don't want to come off as desperate or anything so I think I play it cool with new people I meet. The problem is I usually can't or don't get any deeper, emotionally, with those people and end up with only passing acquaintances instead of friends.


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## Just Here (Jul 16, 2013)

My problem is trust. I just have been burn by friends. I have made a choice not to have any close friends at this time. I to am close to family and that seem to be enough for me. But I do get lonely at times.

Here what my close friends have done to me over the years.

1. My best friend at the time cheated with my girlfriend.
2. My friend's wife spy on me and follow me around trying to make my life a living hell. 
3. Talk about me behind my back.
4. Made me feel like a piece of ****.

I know this not health but they have cause me a lot of pain I don't need.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Just Here said:


> My problem is trust. I just have been burn by friends. I have made a choice not to have any close friends at this time. I to am close to family and that seem to be enough for me. But I do get lonely at times.
> 
> Here what my close friends have done to me over the years.
> 
> ...


Wow, sorry you had to go through all of that. They are all terrible experiences but I have to think your best friend cheating with your girlfriend had to be especially painful.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Chrissie4 said:


> Oh I forgot about the social side of having friends. That's because I am a total introvert and just LOVE spending time by myself. I don't miss going out at all!
> 
> Perhaps you could join a SA group. That's what I would do. You would be able to hang out with people like you who understand the awkwardness of SA. Do some research online.


I like my alone time as well. Sometimes I'm not positive if that is how I naturally am or just the SA talking. I do think I'm probably more of a natural introvert though.

Good advice on joining an SA group. I'll have to check that out.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

I have difficulty starting conversations, I never have anything interesting to talk about, and there are many times where I just have no desire to socialize. I wouldn't say I have no friends, but the reasons above can explain why I only have a few friends, none of whom are very close to me.


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## Life Underneath The Soil (Jun 1, 2014)

I have friends, but I'm slowly losing them all. I moved a couple years ago, and it's made it that much harder to see them. It's only a matter of time before I stop going to their house altogether because we keep drifting apart from each other, but honestly, that isn't going to bother me, because they've treated me like ****.

I don't want any more friends. I don't even think I have it in me to _make_ any more friends. I'm tired of getting close to people just to be treated like an option.


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## FelineFatale (Nov 30, 2013)

Friends throughout my life seem to part ways with me gradually. I can't imagine keeping the same close-knit group of friends for years like most seem to be able to. My friends after just a few years of talking and hanging out just seem to give up on me and just cut me out completely. So I think I'm destined to remain alone until death.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Years ago I had two best friends. We were like brothers- or so I thought.One I had been friends with since elementary school the other since middle school. 

Gradually though they just kept drifting away, but I also found out that they were not great friends in reality. One would keep ditching me after making solid plans over and over again. I was so stupid that I didn't call him on it until years later when we met again by chance. Haven't talked to him since.

I had a couple of girls that were friends after high school but one drifted away and then I found out she moved out of state. The other I just lost contact with.


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## vivibe (Sep 25, 2013)

It used to be not by choice, but now it kind of is. I don't have a very strong desire to make friends, and I have made a few but broke contact with them because I didn't enjoy talking to them anymore. But I do remember my one very good friend from middle school, I'm talking sleeping at her house multiple times a week, waking up and walking to school together, walking home together and going to sleep together, then waking up the next day and repeating... I have a problem with remembering my life from that time period and getting very depressed that I'll never be that happy again. So I'm not sure.


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## Boomaloom (May 28, 2014)

I'm not sure I've ever had a real friend, in the sense of someone you could be completely yourself with and talk about anything with. But maybe, that's just a guy thing anyway. Even normal guys with no social issues have trouble with that.

To be honest, I think to date I've had 3 friends who I could call up at any time and it would be completely fine. I still have semi-regular contact with one of them. One guy just left me behind in the great race of life and I fell out with the other guy over something stupid over 10 years ago. (My fault) I have always had a tendency to push people away, I can clearly remember doing that with a primary school friend when we were 10 or 11. He used to come to my house everyday during summer to the point where it started to irk me. Even as a 10 year old I liked my space! I told him I wasnt happy about it bluntly, and that was that. What an ******* I was.

I guess as for future friendship, I live in hope. But I realize that when a group of people my age get into conversation, its largely about significant others, careers, social lives etc and that for me is like walking into a group of people speaking Japanese and being expected to make a contribution! We can but try though.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Boomaloom said:


> I guess as for future friendship, I live in hope. But I realize that when a group of people my age get into conversation, its largely about significant others, careers, social lives etc and that for me is like walking into a group of people speaking Japanese and being expected to make a contribution! We can but try though.


Right it does get harder once you get out of your teens and 20's IMO. By then a lot of people are either married, have kids, careers, or all three etc.


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## Steestee (Feb 20, 2014)

I don't have any friends because my friends just suddenly stopped wanting to hang out with me and started going behind my back so I told them to go **** themselves. But then again I'm a schizotypal-avoidant freak, so even though I don't feel like I did anything wrong, I'm sure it was partially my fault in some way.


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## lynnette546 (Jun 4, 2014)

I have no friends - and it is certainly not by choice! I've been wishing for friends for as long as I can remember. It seems like no matter how hard I try, or how much I appreciate having someone there as a friend, I am always the first one to be overlooked and forgotten. I see many people who treat their friends poorly, yet they have no trouble with keeping them! 

:no I don't understand this world lol.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

lynnette546 said:


> I have no friends - and it is certainly not by choice! I've been wishing for friends for as long as I can remember. It seems like no matter how hard I try, or how much I appreciate having someone there as a friend, I am always the first one to be overlooked and forgotten. I see many people who treat their friends poorly, yet they have no trouble with keeping them!
> 
> :no I don't understand this world lol.


I understand what you mean. Sometimes I'm okay with not having any friends, but I think it is just that I've gotten used to it. From elementary to a few years after high school I had a few close friends. I'd talk to them on the phone, occasionally hang out, etc.

When I think back on that I do miss it and hanging out and talking to people that aren't family.


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## Nekromaur (Jun 5, 2014)

I've had several groups of friends (maybe 2) over the last 10 years, and each time something has happened where I lose all of them in the end, partly down to my anxiety issues, i tend to push them away after a while, then later regretting it and having no way of regaining them after long periods of time pass....right now I just split up with my gf of 8 years, and literally have been left with no one, my life consists of working , then sitting at home doing nothing, I get my daughter on my days off and weekends which is the only thing keeping me going right now, but its horrible because when i take her back to her mum (who has now moved on) all sorts of horrible depressing thoughts come to the surface because I can't be part of their lives anymore, I really hope there is a way out of this! :idea


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

I don't know. People aren't really interested in being friends with me in the first place. I try to be socially present when I'm forced to be around others but I'm pretty sure people dislike me. I wouldn't expect otherwise though. But yeah, I feel like I have pushed the few people away that might have wanted to be casual friends. I can't help it. I don't want friends right now because I'm so unhappy with myself that I don't even want to go in public. The other part of me desperately wants friends.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

myersljennifer said:


> I don't want friends right now because I'm so unhappy with myself that I don't even want to go in public. The other part of me desperately wants friends.


I can identify perfectly with that sentiment. Sometimes I might appear slightly aloof or kind of distant to people that I, maybe, could be friends with because I'm ashamed of where I am in life. But the truth is I'm terribly lonely most of the time.

And sometimes I get upset because I feel like I'm a pretty decent and kind person and that I don't deserve to be so alone. But it is also at least partly my fault that I'm in the position I'm in.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

I don't have any friends now. the old friends probably disdain me for leaving or the other way around. It doesn't help being unemployed and a school bum. Probably made it worse. 

What about gf? practically never had one.

one things for certain. with my SA i never had real friends. And there isn't any female worth being a gf with who would ever be with someone who doesn't have real friends and struggling with unemployment. Even when I was employed which took most of my energy, I had no social life, and no real good friends since I was always a tag along or whatever.

So I was never taken seriously to be a good friend with, much less a serious date or chance to find a gf, etc.

Anyways, it's a trap for this severe type of SA.


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## myersljennifer (Sep 6, 2013)

Darktower776 said:


> I can identify perfectly with that sentiment. Sometimes I might appear slightly aloof or kind of distant to people that I, maybe, could be friends with because I'm ashamed of where I am in life. But the truth is I'm terribly lonely most of the time.
> 
> And sometimes I get upset because I feel like I'm a pretty decent and kind person and that I don't deserve to be so alone. But it is also at least partly my fault that I'm in the position I'm in.


I'm so sorry. :blank


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## layl14 (Apr 7, 2014)

as much as i want companionship i feel like i have nothing to offer. when i talk to someone i'm hyper aware of how i communicate. my face, voice, movements, eye contact, everything, make socialization tiring. i try to mimic a normal human being communicating lol. that's what i always keep in mind in conversations so i don't make a full effort in forming a relationship because i think they think i'm inadequate. 

i want to surround myself with people who i trust and will be there for me, whose company i enjoy so i could do the same. but i don't think i deserve such a person in my life, i feel like i'm a waste of their good energy.


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## PerfectlyIsolated (Oct 12, 2013)

I have no friends now, just acquaintances with co-workers. The only reason we talk now is because we HAVE to interact (usually over smoke breaks) and even then I get the impression the discussions are strained. They talk about what they are interested in, I try to be a good listener but I am always afraid to talk about things I am concerned about. This is because if I do, the response is usually to passively ignore me or say "wow that sucks, I don't know what to say". 

At this point, I don't know if this is by choice. I've been quite depressed for the past few years and have found it hard to interact with people outside of work (or doing things like shopping). I've found that I do want to talk to people but wanting to talk about not so nice feelings (to relieve my anxiety about issues) is very off putting. So I end up feeling worse and just not saying anything at all; thinking it over instead.

The last (and really only) person I really considered a friend, my ex, tried to re-establish a friendship in the last few months. We went out for coffee back in March, and typically I was distant, avoided going out with her again (though she cancelled once). Combined with other life problems, we didn't get together for another two months. It seems the interaction was much more awkward this time (I asked if she wanted to see a move, and presented several options, but she just wanted to see another). I became really self concious over lunch (acting "weird" as she puts it, which is a turn off). After, I thought that maybe what she liked in me to begin with was a fake persona I projected while dating. And so I don't really want to put too much more effort if she now doesn't really care to begin with. So I didn't contact her for a few weeks. No surprise when I ask her to lunch again on Thursday night I get no response. So I guess that's yet another relationship gone.

Also, I envy those who can at least talk to their family. I don't feel comfortable around mine at all, even though they have been helpful, kind and supportive. There are a lot of sensitive topics concerning religion that always seem to be sitting like and 800lb gorilla in the room the second I express my true thoughts or feelings during conversation. My sister is living across the country and is too busy to care. The only person I can talk to is my therapist, who has been helpful. But still, when you have to pay someone to listen to your true feelings, your social life is truly in a sad state. I sometimes feel like I haven't said anything (outside of small talk or standard pleasantries or anything work related) for weeks on end.

And I have tried a SA support group. I ended up having major anxiety about what happened (felt people there didn't respect anything I had to say) and never again went back the way I always do when I feel rejected. Same reason I haven't posted anything on SAS since last fall.

Everyone just takes one listen to any of my thoughts, gives me a weird look, ignores me or I end up killing yet another thread.

Sometimes I think that is my only role in this society; a monetary transaction (being taken advantage of for money it, being my therapist's customer, helping my family pay bills, paying my own bills, or providing a service to my employer, etc, etc).

Who is a cog to complain about anything?


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

PerfectlyIsolated said:


> Also, I envy those who can at least talk to their family. I don't feel comfortable around mine at all, even though they have been helpful, kind and supportive.


If it wasn't for my family I don't know what I'd do. I'm glad I have them to talk to at least because without them it would be pretty much no one.

Sorry you feel like you can't talk to yours but at least they are help and supportive. Maybe if you keep trying to talk to them they would listen to you.


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

Other than my brother, nope. I did in my twenties when I played hockey regularly. Of course I knew them from my teens, so that's why I was on those teams. Even then I would sorta limit how often we got together because of SA and how drained I could get.

I should add, I do have a couple of people online I talk to fairly often. I guess I do have online friends.


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## Pompeii (Aug 25, 2013)

I pushed my friends away, yes. Over the last three or so years, no friends at all. I've never had trouble making friends in the past, although I tend not to have more than one or two very close friends at a time.

I'm at the stage where I'm ready to attempt making friends again, but what an incredibly daunting effort to start from scratch. I have had ex-friends contact me to reconnect over the last few years, but somehow rekindling friendships, and consequent judgement of the complete stalling of my life progression, scares me more than finding fresh friends. I would be very happy to have a best friend once again. One meaningful friendship is all I need and anything more is a bonus.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Even once I get my life in order I'm still not sure I remember or know how to make new friends either.

I had friends in elementary, middle, and high school with some being friends since elementary while also making a couple along the way. I'm not even sure I can still do that now.


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## Destabilise (Jun 3, 2013)

uhm few friends i had from highschool i lost touch with because of them not putting the effort in really, one 'friend' wasnt much of a friend so i stopped bothering with her and another wasnt a friend either really they treated me like crap so yh id rather have no friends then crap friends that get me down, but truthfully i'd just be happy with 1-3 good friends then alot that aren't genuine, i miss just laughing with people and feeling comfortable & close with people and i miss going out to places because i have basically noone to go to places with now!


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## aloneallday (Jun 11, 2014)

All friends end up judging me or leaving

I have trust issues because of this and am hesitant, but not against friends. I would love nothing more than to have a friend. Every "true friend" ends up sick of me. :yawn


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## duckie (Apr 30, 2012)

Darktower776 said:


> I have no friends anymore.
> 
> Do you have no friends by "choice"- pushing people away because of SA- or by other reasons?
> 
> ...


i think most of us would like a close "like minded friend". problem is anyone i allow to get that close ends up taking advantage of my friendship. meh, idk... probably better off to continue my lonely path. it would be a bit more enjoyable if i could experience this life with someone but it's still a little enjoyable even if by myself.


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

I'm just beeing myself. Having no friends comes naturally with that.


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## Chump Change (Jun 11, 2014)

I have no friends. I haven't had any in 5-6 years. This really sucks because outside of my family of 3 people, I talk to no one. I really want friends again.

I think I don't have any friends because I'm terrible at conversation and I'm too shy.


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