# they don't want loners... insecure, unconfident, or not



## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

girls want guys that have friends and/or are surrounded by people. 
To me, it seems like that's the only thing that matters (not talking about who has more chances, takes more risks, or personality)
A guy that has some social status
In high school, sure they all wanted the "popular guy" even though he may be ugly and shy, but I find it to be even worse post high school life... poeple in their 20s.

Some will disagree but this was my most recent experience... that having a lack of social status or social proof was the only reason people lose interest in me. Lack of respect too, may I add. I don't even know where to start to build a inner circle of friends at my age. I'm just so used to being by myself all the time


----------



## macready (Nov 6, 2005)

I don't know man. I think there are all types of girls, and guys, who feel the same way you do. Then problem is we're dying out. Each side is too afraid to talk to the other, you know? And ugliness isn't always a factor... there are a few chicks out there who're smart enough to give up on the macho/sports fan jocks (though i admit it's a bit like winning the sexual lottery). Maybe this will give you hope? I'm ugly as hell... i mean i look like jesus christ with a bad hair do when i'm naked, all ribs and caved in chest and ****, and i've pulled a few beauties... it's all personality, and psychology. Take for example, that picture in your sig... did you make it yourself? If so, you're an artist, which automatically obliviates any of the ugly/eccentric factors (and i mean that - it's good enough to exist without the text). Develop on that stuff, the things you are good at, and the things you want to be good at. You'll find her someday... and trust me man, artist chicks.... crazy in the sack :banana


----------



## James of Maine (Sep 8, 2005)

My wife has always seemed to accept the fact that I'm a loner and an underachiever... for the most part, I think, anyway...


----------



## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

i don't think this is necessarily true. however, as a girl, i do sometimes find myself wanting to be with someone social. but i think that has a lot more to do with my own social anxiety and social troubles than anything else. if i were in a relationship with a more social person, i would have access to events and people and potential friends that i might not have the courage to reach out to on my own. so, yes, i'm a girl, and yes, i sometimes wish to be with a social, outgoing, go-out-and-do-things, sort of person, but really i think that's because it would be easier than going out and working for all those things on my own. most girls don't struggle with social anxiety the way i do, so i doubt they value those things in the same ways. if they already have friends and a social network, i can't see why they would need/require it in a partner. just my thoughts.


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Yes, I admit I am attracted to extroverted guys, mostly because I hope he would be able to help me come out of my shell. I don't know if that is a healthy way to think because shouldn't change come from inside me and not another person?


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Yep, only you can come out of your shell, another person may help influence your decision or actions, but you control, you.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Here are the so called answers.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989


----------



## Fly (Apr 9, 2004)

I think there are loads of girls/women who just want someone they think is nice, and who don't care about a guy not having lots of friends. There are many girls who would rather be with a guy who is a loner. And there are of course also lots of girls who do prefer being with someone who has lots of friends.

Perhaps it's better to ask yourself what sort of person you would like to be with and go from there?



> http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989


I weep for this world.

But i laugh at those guys, though. :lol


----------



## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

onlylordknows said:


> girls want guys that have friends and/or are surrounded by people.
> To me, it seems like that's the only thing that matters (not talking about who has more chances, takes more risks, or personality)
> A guy that has some social status


Honestly, I know that I'm definitely not like that. I just want someone who genuinely wants me in return. And with my anxiety and self esteem issues, that's going to be exceedingly difficult to find. Especially since most guys I run into only seem to be interested in sex. :fall

But I agree about having a social status... that seems to be the general thing for some girls. Guys aswell to a certain degree with trophy brides and all.

... not all men and women are like that. It's a major generalization. So try not to give up with that being said.


----------



## Whimsy (Mar 16, 2006)

whiteclouds said:


> Yes, I admit I am attracted to extroverted guys, mostly because I hope he would be able to help me come out of my shell. I don't know if that is a healthy way to think because shouldn't change come from inside me and not another person?


I'm the same, I just like them alot, the loud mouth who sits in class to heckle the professors lol. Also I know their infulence can bring me out of my shell from what i've expirenced that is. I deal with a lot of sarcastic people (my brothers...haha) to know enough comebacks when there is an annyoing person poking my back in class to get my attention... :lol My crush acts like he's 12. But he is amusing. opcorn


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Fly said:


> http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989
> I weep for this world.
> 
> But i laugh at those guys, though. :lol


Yeah, but those guys are getting all the girls, aren't they?


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I agree. Girls apparently don't want loners. Besides someone who's "hot", they demand a guy with social value.

And, I should add, money seems to be an attractant :b


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

^ The 'hot' part i can deal with. I think if i wanted to (or had any incentive) i could get myself in decent enough shape. 

It's everything else that's near damn impossible to achieve. 

Act confident, yeah sure, say interesting things, right, and how exactly i'm suppose to do that if everytime i'm near a girl my IQ drops of 80 points and i regress to a bubbling idiot who can't talk and can't think straight? 

Yes, i'm an introvert, yes, i'm a loner, a geek, a nerd, anything, and i'm fine with that. It's SA that it's ****ing killing me, because in the end, even the introverts, loners and geeks i've seen were able to achieve SOME sort of progress, which i guess beats NO progress, hu?

If there is one constant in life, is that everybody, even the most unfit are entitled to love, and they all achieve it to whatever form or degree, except for the severly disfigured or those with SA, right?

I'm sick of this, sick to the core, i can't even feel pity of myself anymore, or anything for that matter. My very soul has been obliterated to the point i don't even know who i am anymore...


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

Lyric Suite said:


> Act confident, yeah sure, say interesting things, right, and how exactly i'm suppose to do that if everytime i'm near a girl my IQ drops of 80 points and i regress to a bubbling idiot who can't talk and can't think straight?
> 
> Yes, i'm an introvert, yes, i'm a loner, a geek, a nerd, anything, and i'm fine with that. It's SA that it's @#%$ killing me, because in the end, even the introverts, loners and geeks i've seen were able to achieve SOME sort of progress, which i guess beats NO progress, hu?


So true. It isn't so much about who you are (introvert, extrovert) what you look like or what your hobbies are. It is the damn social anxiety that gets in the way and undermines a relationship.



> [quote:74863]http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989


I weep for this world.

But i laugh at those guys, though. Laughing[/quote:74863]

Wow, some of those guys list how much they weigh and what their height is in their sigline much like you'd see computer specs in a sigline on a tech forum


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> If there is one constant in life, is that everybody, even the most unfit are entitled to love, and they all achieve it to whatever form or degree, except for the severly disfigured or those with SA, right?


It looks that way.


----------



## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

scairy said:


> Here are the so called answers.
> 
> http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989


I didn't read through all of that since there's 260 pages worth, but I found this on the first page:


> When you call a girl, small talk for a minute or two and then lead into a get together. Don't sit there like her ***** and listen to her problems and then ask her to hang out. Remember your a man, not a wuss, you have better things to do.


:wtf
Stuff like that is exactly why I ignore pretty much everything on those "how to meet women" sites. Maybe I am a wuss, but if a girl trusts me enough to talk about her problems I'm the type of guy who will listen to her and offer my support and encouragement. I've read alot of similar stuff on those types of sites and its pretty much useless information for someone who is sensitive and caring rather than a macho jock.
I've always been pretty much a loner and probably always will be. I'm pretty much unknown other than a small group of friends and some customers I know from work. I cannot meet new people on my own because of my shyness. Even if I was introduced to someone I fear they would quickly lose interest in me once they find out how quiet, boring, and shy I am.


----------



## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Lonelyguy, give yourself a chance, how do you know the other person would find you boring, or dull. How do you know you would be quite with someone you developed a repore with?

I don't know if it was in this thread or another where Gumaro has problems approahing a women, I don't know of many women that would flat out reject him, yet because of our sa we don't see ourselves in the proper light.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Lonelyguy said:


> Maybe I am a wuss, but if a girl trusts me enough to talk about her problems I'm the type of guy who will listen to her and offer my support and encouragement.


In short, you are trying to be her female friend, think about it for a moment.



Lonelyguy said:


> I've read alot of similar stuff on those types of sites and its pretty much useless information for someone who is sensitive and caring rather than a macho jock.


You can be sensitive and caring if you want, and i'm sure any sane person will appreciate that, but that's not exactly the point, isn't it?

If your purpose is to make a friend, then by all means, go for it, but if you are looking for something more, then you need to act in a way the will make you attractive to a girl in the right way, and girls are not attracted to caring and sensitive guys, not in that sense.

If you think this is unfair, consider this: what makes YOU attracted to a girl in the first place?


----------



## sprinter (Nov 22, 2003)

I'm not really all that interested in making guy friends though I wouldn't mind it if I did happen to connect with some guys I can relate to. Even back when I was in HS and had plenty of friends whenever I was hanging out with them I was always wishing I was hanging out with a gf instead. But yeah I know it's true that women don't find loners attractive these days. I guess it used to be the independent, self-reliant loner Clint Eastwood western types were seen as attractive but maybe that was just Hollywood anyway. But I know one thing it would be wise to choose any guy friends carefully. I don't think it's uncommon for a guy to lose his gf or wife even to one of his so called friends. :afr Having lots of female friends could be problematic in the girlfriend department too I'm sure. A couple of trustworthy guy friends who women don't seem to find attractive is probably the best situation. :lol


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

sprinter said:


> I guess it used to be the independent, self-reliant loner Clint Eastwood western types were seen as attractive but maybe that was just Hollywood anyway.


Huh? That's not the type of loner we are talking about here.

Clint Eastwood is alone because he wants to. In reality he is still a top rank male and above the pack.

Other type of loners are alone because they can't even make it into the pack in the first place.


----------



## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

It's not so much wanting someone popular or anything; I just like knowing that the guy I'm with has no significant people problems. I'm not talking about shyness or SA; I'm talking about chronic selfishness or just an inability to be nice. If he has at least some friends, or reliable people who can vouch for his kindness, it's just easier for me to open up and persue a relationship with him.

I'd actually much prefer a "homebody" or someone who doesn't enjoy being with a whole bunch of people; it means we could just be okay with it being "just the two of us."  But I think most successful relationships involve people who enjoy being with each other one-on-one. Obviously.

xoxo
Maggi


----------



## sprinter (Nov 22, 2003)

Lyric Suite said:


> sprinter said:
> 
> 
> > I guess it used to be the independent, self-reliant loner Clint Eastwood western types were seen as attractive but maybe that was just Hollywood anyway.
> ...


Well the thread title says unconfident, insecure *or not.* And the first post it seems onlylordknows is making the point that nothing else matters.Clint Eastwood was never surrounded by tons of friends in most of his movies. He was never the life of the party. He wasn't a people person. He had poor people skills :lol 


> girls want guys that have friends and/or are surrounded by people.
> To me, it seems like that's the only thing that matters (not talking about who has more chances, takes more risks, or personality)
> A guy that has some social status
> In high school, sure they all wanted the "popular guy" even though he may be ugly and shy, but I find it to be even worse post high school life... poeple in their 20s.


----------



## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

...


----------



## SupportiveGF (Apr 25, 2006)

Lonelyguy said:


> whole dating process seems so @#%$ up and complicated it only reinforces my beliefs that I'll probably always be alone.


the dating process is screwy...but I fully believe that there is someone for everyone. I believe you will find a girl who loves the fact that you can be her friend AND her lover. It's true girls go through the whole "i want a bad boy" phase, but after my divorce (I got married really young) i am completely turned off by the "jock jerk" attitude. I have a sweet and sensitive guy who loves me and is there for me good days and bad...and I believe that this is true for others too. I have to believe that being a good friend and a good person will get you that kharmic reward... :kiss


----------



## BabyG (Nov 8, 2003)

:agree 

With an understanding of yourself like you have, Lonelyguy, you are already farther along on the path to a successful relationship than you know. Indeed farther along than people who feel the need to play games. When it happens for you it will be real. You don’t need ‘arrogance,’ you only need to start feeling better about you…after that it will get easier to put yourself out there.

BabyG


----------



## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

dez said:


> onlylordknows said:
> 
> 
> > girls want guys that have friends and/or are surrounded by people.
> ...


 :agree ! My boyfriend happens to be somewhat of a social butterfly, but I don't like him because of that, rather, I like him in spite of it. It is true that he has helped me tremendously in meeting new people, but sometimes I wish that he were more introverted like me. It can be very annoying meeting all those people all of the time, spending hours with him and his friends, etc. and it makes me feel like i can probably never live up to his expectations as an ideal girlfriend. I definitely like him better when we are by ourselves and no one else is around that we have to put on some type of a show for. Being with a more introverted person would make things so much easier and I find them very attractive anyway.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Lonelyguy said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Here are the so called answers.
> ...


I actually think there is some truth behind it. If you just met the girl you don't want her to tell you all her problems because part of the danger is you get put in the friend zone. I don't believe it has as much to do with a need to be macho and above this it has to do with falling into the friend zone.

I believe one of the keys to a longterm relationship is being best friends but you don't want to be friends first. You want to initially come in showing you have an intent for a romantic relationship.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> Fly said:
> 
> 
> > http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989
> ...


THis is a generalization but most of these techniques are probably used to get sex and nothing more.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Lyric Suite said:


> ^ The 'hot' part i can deal with. I think if i wanted to (or had any incentive) i could get myself in decent enough shape.
> 
> It's everything else that's near @#$% impossible to achieve.
> 
> ...


I know how you feel. I seemed to have progressed recently to the point where I don't know if I will be able to approach another woman; this popped into my head on Tuesday. I honestly think out of anyone we are the least likely to be in a relationship. I'm beginning to not care what I look like as it finally dawned on me that even if I was the best looking guy in U.S. I still wouldn't have a chance.


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Lonelyguy said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Here are the so called answers.
> ...


Whoa, doggie-I dunno about you guys, but after a hard day of yelling at women who walk past my construction site, that makes me feel like whippin' off my shirt, grabbing a couple o' lite beers and a Hungy Man TV dinner, poppin' in a porno, and maybe lettin' fly a belch or too. We're men, baby! Where my dinner at?!!

This is why dating sites are full of [email protected]'re aimed at the "Maxim" audience.

And Clint Eastwood may be a loner, but don't forget that he's waiting around for punks to make his day. Besides, the man with no name can always call that orangutan from _Every Which Way But Loose_ to get his back in anybody messes with him.


----------



## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> If your purpose is to make a friend, then by all means, go for it, but if you are looking for something more, then you need to act in a way the will make you attractive to a girl in the right way, and girls are not attracted to caring and sensitive guys, not in that sense.


I had a thread on the forum (the "Voting Booth" section) asking if women want a sensitive man or a manly man. Judging by your post I would say your vote would be that women want a manly man. :b I think in most cases that is true.

Lifetimer


----------



## Fly (Apr 9, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> Fly said:
> 
> 
> > http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989
> ...


There are 3 billion women on this planet.(Give or take a few))There is no "one way to act so that all women will rip off their clothes and throw themselves at your feet while kissing the ground you walk upon". I simply do not think it is very useful to try to chase some vague ideal of how a guy should act to be attractive to women. And taking advice from people who come up with gems like:



Totally cool playa dude from the testosteron powered forum said:


> Keep phone calls at a 3:1 ratio-I never ever call girls until they have called me 2 or 3 times. I'm not talking about calling a girl back. If a girl calls you, you should call her back. I'm talking about initiating the phone coversation. If she *****es and says, I always call you etc. then your doing good!!!
> 
> What to say-When you call a girl, small talk for a minute or two and then lead into a get together. Don't sit there like her ***** and listen to her problems and then ask her to hang out. Remember your a man, not a wuss, you have better things to do.
> 
> ...


is, in my view, not the way to woo women. :b

I don't care if they "get all the girls". I wouldn't want to be like that or feel like i had to act like that. And any girl that would prefer to be with manipulative arses like that than a guy who is perhaps a but anxious and shy but has much more to offer than mere "mad playa skillzzzz" is simply not a girl i would want to be with.

Plus, always having to worry if you are still following the guide to ultimate manliness (tm) and "acting like a man" is a perfect way to end up extremely anxious about it all. I prefer not to add to my anxiety by following some extremely silly advice about the perfect way to get lots of girls and be a totally cool player, who can brag to his friends about how many "hawt chicks" he can get.


----------



## Longie (Jul 14, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> Fly said:
> 
> 
> > http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=141989
> ...


It really bugs me how these 'pickup artist' cults are. They even have all their own jargon and abbreviations - AFCs and all that. From what I can tell the vast majority of it is hokum, apart from a _few_ gems of good advice, but these are few and far between, and couched in so much macho crap that it makes it nearly impossible to read without wanting to vomit.



> What to say-When you call a girl, small talk for a minute or two and then lead into a get together. Don't sit there like her ***** and listen to her problems and then ask her to hang out. Remember your a man, not a wuss, you have better things to do. So after you small talk immediately ask for a get together. You do this my first asking her what her schedule is like for the week.


Like this - according to this if you listen to someone's problems, you're a 'wuss'. What the hell is that about? OK, perhaps its not such a wise idea to do this right away, but unless you're going to share problems, how on earth will you ever have a relationship? This kind of stuff is aimed at getting a 'quick lay' and nothing else, lets' at least remember that. That's not to say I'm against that per se, but you'll need more than this if you're ever actually going to make anything work more long-term.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

scairy said:


> THis is a generalization but most of these techniques are probably used to get sex and nothing more.


Mmmmh, no, they get girls to be attracted to them and to fall in love with them by pulling the correct strings.

Girls don't fall in love with guys because they are sensitive and caring, you need to get that notion out of your head.

This romantic ideal of sensitivity, caring and intimacy is a purely female reaction. That's _their_ responce to guys, NOT the other way around.

You will never get a girl to fall in love with you by acting like a girl...


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Lyric Suite said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > THis is a generalization but most of these techniques are probably used to get sex and nothing more.
> ...


I dunno...I'd like to think people are better than that. But I've never been in a relationship, so what would I know?


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Longie said:


> Like this - according to this if you listen to someone's problems, you're a 'wuss'. What the hell is that about? OK, perhaps its not such a wise idea to do this right away, but unless you're going to share problems, how on earth will you ever have a relationship? This kind of stuff is aimed at getting a 'quick lay' and nothing else, lets' at least remember that. That's not to say I'm against that per se, but you'll need more than this if you're ever actually going to make anything work more long-term.


This kind of stuff is aimed at creating attraction, and that's all that matters.

Sharing problems, being sensitive to one another, that stuff comes much, much later.

What truly matters is that special, wonderful feeling for one another which people call 'love', but that in fact is but a chemical reaction in your brain called attraction.

For man, attraction it's easely triggered by beauty. For women, it's triggered by all those superficial macho things which jocks are so damn good at.

Without attraction there is no being togheter, there is no relationship and there is no love.

[Edit] Why is D A M N censored?


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

VelvetElvis said:


> I dunno...I'd like to think people are better than that.


Are you better then that? When was the last time you had feelings for a caring, loving and utterly unattractive girl?


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

reaver221 said:


> No, not really. I've fallen in love before (yes, she loved me back) without any of that baggage.


I've fallen in love before, and they all felt for other guys who used that kind of baggage instead.

Perhaps you'd like to share what you did to make this girl fall for you?


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

reaver221 said:


> We just hung out and stuff. Nothing special.


You mean no special conversations? No sensitive sharing? Just hanging togheter, _feeling_ for one another?

I think in your case it's just first impression doing it's thing, particularly considering your age. The grand majority of those 'tricks' are meant to sparkle attraction by first impression, after that it's all game...


----------



## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

*Lyric Suite wrote:* 


> mmmh, no, they get girls to be attracted to them and to fall in love with them by pulling the correct strings.
> 
> Girls don't fall in love with guys because they are sensitive and caring, you need to get that notion out of your head.
> 
> ...


I've never heard such a thing in my life! I actually fell in love with my boyfriend because he exhibited many of the characteristics that you just claimed girls don't find attractive. I think it would be best if you actually asked girls what they thought about this, because many of these claims are simply not true. I'm honestly not trying to be mean spirited, but being a girl, and knowing other girls, many of us do not think so superficially, and if they do, than maybe such girls aren't worth being with at all.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

brownkeys said:


> I've never heard such a thing in my life! I actually fell in love with my boyfriend because he exhibited many of the characteristics that you just claimed girls don't find attractive. I think it would be best if you actually asked girls what they thought about this, because many of these claims are simply not true. I'm honestly not trying to be mean spirited, but being a girl, and knowing other girls, many of us do not think so superficially, and if they do, than maybe such girls aren't worth being with at all.


From my experience, reality and what goes on in your head do no coincide.

Superficial you say? Why, aren't we all just human?


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

All that "game" stuff is pure garbage.


----------



## fraidycat (Oct 29, 2004)

wow lyric suite, you have to stop reading maxim..lol

Alot of advice dispensed there and whereever else are based on generalizations. They might work on some, and they might not. The best thing to do is go out there and find what wrks best for you. Personally though, being yourself sans mind games would be a lot less stressful and healthier in the long run. 

The type of attraction you're trying to manipulate a girl into only wrks from experience (as a female) when you're already interested in a guy but are on the fence about him. Playing hard to get will only keep you in the game longer. But if he's someone I have no interest to start with, he'll just be seen as jerk. For guys I'm already smitten with, it doesn't matter. He can play hard to get, or listen to my problems till the cows come home, i'll still be interested.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I hate the way this whole stuff is referred to as "game". What a horribly unfortunate and stupid term.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

fraidycat said:


> wow lyric suite, you have to stop reading maxim..lol


I don't read maxim. My room mate does, and apparently he must be doing something right because girls literally drop on his feet, where as I, on the other hand, i had one girlfriend experience and that only lasted 3 months (i was too nice apparently. Her words). I must conclude that something is wrong here, right?


----------



## Longie (Jul 14, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> What truly matters is that special, wonderful feeling for one another which people call 'love', but that in fact is but a chemical reaction in your brain called attraction.
> 
> For man, attraction it's easely triggered by beauty. For women, it's triggered by all those superficial macho things which jocks are so @#$% good at.
> 
> Without attraction there is no being togheter, there is no relationship and there is no love.


But that's a contradiction. First you said attraction is the same thing as love, then you said without attraction there is no love. You're right in a way though - there probably isn't love between a man and a woman in that way without attraction first. But its not the same thing as love.


----------



## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Longie said:


> But that's a contradiction. First you said attraction is the same thing as love, then you said without attraction there is no love. You're right in a way though - there probably isn't love between a man and a woman in that way without attraction first. But its not the same thing as love.


Well, personally i don't think love really exists, at least not as intended by society.

What you call love, i call emotional attraction (not to be mistaken with physical attraction, which it's something else also), nothing but a triggered chemical responce that forces two people to stick togheter by creating a sensorial/emotional emphaty for one another. Generally speaking, attraction lasts up to 8-12 months, which is surprisingly close to the time a couple requires to have baby.

The 'feeling of being in love' is not love at all, it's merely nature's way to make a man and a woman be with each other long enough to procreate.

Love to me is something else, something that you build over time as you get to know your beloved more and more. It's a conscious sense of 
_fondness_, not at all dissimilar to the love for a parent, or the love for a child.

I think this type of connection is very rare and very special, but i don't think you can ever get to this point without attraction.


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Zephyr said:


> I hate the way this whole stuff is referred to as "game". What a horribly unfortunate and stupid term.


 :agree


----------



## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> Girls don't fall in love with guys because they are sensitive and caring, you need to get that notion out of your head.
> 
> This romantic ideal of sensitivity, caring and intimacy is a purely female reaction. That's _their_ responce to guys, NOT the other way around.
> 
> You will never get a girl to fall in love with you by acting like a girl...


I agree.

I think that women want a man to act like a man - not a girl. I believe even though many times women may say they want the sensitive, caring type, in reality this is not true. I think they (as well as us guys) have become brainwashed by the feminists and the media. These entities promote this ideaolgy as to how they think a man should act and we passively go along with it and buy into it.

There is nothing wrong with a man showing sensitivity in a situation when it is truly called for. However, a man shouldn't base his personality on being sensitive and he shouldn't walk around living his life like a sensitive flower.

Otherwise he just becomes another "girl friend" for his wife/significant other.

Lifetimer


----------



## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Lyric Suite said:


> fraidycat said:
> 
> 
> > wow lyric suite, you have to stop reading maxim..lol
> ...


I have also seen much too often the same thing. I have seen guys that were downright ugly & were jerks (there was a guy at my last job like this) have a lot of success with women because they were bold, confident, aggressive and good at talking. These type of guys never acted sensitive, they were the Alpha-Male type. And guys like me... withdrawn (me because of my SA), non-aggressive, sensitive, nice guy -- well, us type of guys turn out to be the losers. We stand on the sidelines while our opposite personality fellow men get the women. Yes, there will be women point out here how they like the nice, quiet, passive, sensitive guy. However, they are in the minority of women overall. And, when you think about it, it is to be expected that the women here with SA would naturally prefer this type of guy. This is obviously because a guy like this is easier for a woman with SA to deal with.

I think women view the nice, quiet, passive, sensitive guys like me as "wimps" (even if it may be just on a subconscious level). A guy being a wimp doesn't serve any useful purpose.

I'm now working on breaking a lifetime of passiveness and sensitivity. No, I'm not going to become a jerk like the guys I alluded to earlier. But I will hopefully become more assertive, confident, and not act so sensitive.

Lifetimer


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

Fly said:


> ... I simply do not think it is very useful to try to chase some vague ideal of how a guy should act to be attractive to women....


 :agree

anyone who follows such outlandish generalisations such as the claptrap found in the quoted thread, deserve to be ignored. Forever.



Fly said:


> ...is, in my view, not the way to woo women. :b ...


Woo hoo! There's hope left for men afterall! :fall Some men at least.



Fly said:


> ... I wouldn't want to be like that or feel like i had to act like that.


Excellent. A man who has a backbone. Now **that's** attractive. Trust me.

It's quite a depressing thought that some men are blindly following this "advice" as if it were TheTruth. *newsflash* it isn't.

Perhaps some of those guys should spend more time trying to be comfortable with how they actually are, rather than trying to create something so fake? :stu

It's also a pity that some of the males on this board don't actually read much less *think* about what some of the girls/women on the SAS board have to say about the whole thing. Perhaps if they did, if they were less close minded they might learn something of value.


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Maybe it is stereotypical, but putting out a bad boy alpha male image does appeal to a lot of women. Of course, they don't want you to be an abusive nut job who can't take care of his own either.

I agree with some of that. Also @ times what women say and what they truly want are two different things. 

I love generalizations.


----------



## Longie (Jul 14, 2004)

penguin said:


> It's also a pity that some of the males on this board don't actually read much less *think* about what some of the girls/women on the SAS board have to say about the whole thing. Perhaps if they did, if they were less close minded they might learn something of value.


Outlandish generalisations?

Anyway, picking up your point - what _is_ it that they are saying? Does it just boil down to that old chestnut - 'be yourself'?


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

On "outlandish generalisations" - please note my use of "some."


----------



## Catarina (May 3, 2006)

I'm attracted to guys who are like me... alone, shy, don't seem to fit in. Quiet guys are hot! But of course you're probably referring to 'normal' girls, since I have SA I guess it's natural I'd be drawn to someone who's similar to me.

(a bit off topic) It's sort of a bad habit of mine, I seem to only look for friends in other loners and outcasts. As soon as someone appears to have a friend or be popular or whatever I lose interest, thinking I can't be their friend. So instead of looking to join a group of friends I'm looking for just one other person... which is tricky, and I don't do it deliberately. ;/


----------



## John_K (Aug 21, 2004)

after reading through this thread, i have to wonder where all these women are who prefer loners, because i've yet to meet one. even girls i thought were shy have told me i don't talk enough.


----------



## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

John_K said:


> after reading through this thread, i have to wonder where all these women are who prefer loners, because i've yet to meet one. even girls i thought were shy have told me i don't talk enough.


that is exactly what I'm saying

Also, about shyness... I guess this pertains to the "non-SA" girls
using shyness around a girl is usually a big no no. It just doesn't work for the most part. You 'could' find a girl that likes that but most girls simply DO NOT dig it in a guy. They want a guy to be a man usually. No girl would attest to digging 'shyness' as a positive attribute in a guy.


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

onlylordknows said:


> Also, about shyness...
> 
> ...They want a guy to be a man usually. No girl would attest to digging 'shyness' as a positive attribute in a guy.


Interesting.  I would. And I know I'm not the only one. And no, it's nothing to do with prefering a particular type of guy, or whether SA is a factor or not.

And, may I point out that if a person is shy, it does not automatically mean that they are of the loner, all-the-social-skills-of-a-swamp-thing variety. I know a lot of people might find that hard to swallow, but there are many guys (and indeed, women too) who are labelled with the crippling stereotype of "being shy: he doesn't talk much" or whatever other labels people use and so on, but, who are actually ok once they get talking and feel relaxed in whatever situation they find themselves in.

These guys are not bound to a warped, albeit pervasive, stereotype. Sure, I'm not saying they don't find it initially difficult. Then again, most people can relate to that. But, the key difference is these guys take the chance *regardless.* They realise they are shy, and they do something constructive about it. They haven't turned into something they are not; they haven't compromised their core self. They don't have to follow misguided "rules" about being "manly."

I guess it comes down to each individual's view of what constitutes "manly qualities." To be able to say: "I'm shy / I'm feeling nervous right now I think I'm gonna throw up!" is perfectly ok: it's not a weakness, it's merely part of being human, of acknowledging a part of themselves. And what's wrong with that? Nothing at all. I once knew a man who was 6'2'', built like a tank and who had a reputation for being "hard." His outward appearance and demeanour actually put off a lot of people from getting close to him. Cut through all the layers, and he was the nicest bloke you could ever wish to meet. He told me one time that the "shell" he wore was like armour. He was actually incredibly shy. He was due to go into the army but was diagnosed with cancer. His physical appearance radically changed; his life changed. His attitude changed. But, he was still a man.

Muscles, a player attitude, this misguided media macho- hype we are fed on a constant daily basis - does not make a man. Likewise the belief that being shy is weak; that being sensitive is weak; that crying at a movie or being moved by a particular song, or a sunset, is just for saps. That if you have muscles and are good at sports, then you must be a neanderthal idiot, who is unable to tie his own shoe laces, because such a man couldn't possibly be intelligent and pleasant to be around? All of this rubbish is totally illogical.

"Being a man" is far more complicated. Far more. To be honest, I'm not at all surprised that so many men are having crises of confidence and have no idea how to live their lives, let alone worry about all the hassle that comes with trying to create a relationship. It makes me so angry that men are being subjected to the rot that women have been subjected to for years about how men should be; what they should look like; what sort of job they should have; how many holidays they should take; what type of car they should drive, on and on and on.... :mum

There's no Idiot's Guide for attracting members of the opposite sex - or even of the same sex. (heh, is there? ) You can't follow a set of stringent "rules" religiously hoping they will get you want you want because everyone is different. Some women like certain things; just like some men like certain things. :stu It's just how it is.

I still think that if you are not comfortable first in your own skin - with how you actually are - warts, good bits and all, then how can you truly expect to be confident with anyone else? And if the other person can't accept you for who you are, then they are not the right person for you.

As the song goes...

_"I don't pretend to be a saint, my sins they are many
But there's no-one perfect in this universe
And though you think I'm weird, don't try and change me dear

'cause if you want me you'll take me for what I'm worth
(if you want me you'll take me for what I'm worth) _

The Searchers - "Take me for what I'm worth."

opcorn


----------



## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

great post penguin


----------



## brownkeys (Sep 19, 2005)

Amen Penguin. Amen!


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

:agree Preach it! Great post indeed. I can be fairly negative, but even I realize everyone's different and there's no set Bible for relationships.


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

onlylordknows said:


> John_K said:
> 
> 
> > after reading through this thread, i have to wonder where all these women are who prefer loners, because i've yet to meet one. even girls i thought were shy have told me i don't talk enough.
> ...


Yeah. A girl even said once when someone else asked me why i don't have a girlfriend that i was too shy for that.

Most shy girls that don't have anxiety go for confident extroverted types. The new shy girls that me and my friends meet always end up with one of the most extroverted of my friends.


----------



## Fly (Apr 9, 2004)

penguin said:


> Excellent. A man who has a backbone. Now **that's** attractive. Trust me.


Thanks!! :banana 



penguin said:


> Interesting. Smile I would. And I know I'm not the only one. And no, it's nothing to do with prefering a particular type of guy, or whether SA is a factor or not.
> 
> ........
> .......
> ...


Very good post, penguin!!


----------



## Fly (Apr 9, 2004)

Lifetimer said:


> . And guys like me... withdrawn (me because of my SA), non-aggressive, sensitive, nice guy -- well, us type of guys turn out to be the losers. We stand on the sidelines while our opposite personality fellow men get the women.
> Lifetimer


But don't you see how much you put yourself down here? You immediately equate (or so it seems to me) sensitivity, "niceness", and shyness with being a loser. Furthermore, you seem to be basing your worth on whether or not you can attract women. So, following that logic, guys who are the total opposite like that, really unsympathetic people, are "successfull" because they attract lots of women?

Is a guy who attracts 1 great girl less succesfull then a guy who attracts 20 women? Is success merely to measured on how many woman you can attract?

Also, when you think of yourself as a loser right away, and ignore everything else about you, all sorts of good qualities, you are putting yourself down, and you are putting yourself on the sidelines, not all the girls that you think equate shyness etc. with being a loser. It's not them doing that, it's you. You are saying, in your post, that you're a loser. There are so many guys who are sensitive and non-agressive and all that, who do find a girl, and who do seem to be attractive to girls.

Also, in this very thread, there have been a fair number of women who indicated that they are more attracted to shy guys than to the more extroverted types. And some who said that they are more attracted to outgoing types, but hardly everyone. I think you might be surprised how many girls do seem to hook up with shy, sensitive guys.


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

Ultimately, in my case, it doesn't matter what women like or dislike. Since I'll never meet any of them, it doesn't really make a difference as to their preferences.


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Maybe we just notice all of the extroverted people more. The shy guys that do have relationships don't go out to clubs, bars, parties, etc... They stay at home and watch movies and cook dinner together.


----------



## drago762 (Nov 17, 2003)

Why does it take getting into a bad relationships in order for women to wise up? Why don't they learn from others' mistakes?



SupportiveGF said:


> Lonelyguy said:
> 
> 
> > whole dating process seems so @#%$ up and complicated it only reinforces my beliefs that I'll probably always be alone.
> ...


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

ColdFury said:


> Ultimately, in my case, it doesn't matter what women like or dislike. Since I'll never meet any of them, it doesn't really make a difference as to their preferences.


Indeed. I'm starting to realize the problem is anxiety, not neccessarily who you are. It's hard to say what type of guy a particular woman (I'm speaking for myself and other guys here) is or is not interested in without talking to her, but with anxiety that's pretty much impossible.


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

awww!! ops :thanks



drago762 said:


> Why does it take getting into a bad relationships in order for women to wise up? Why don't they learn from others' mistakes?


I could say the same about some men? Again, we back to generalisation. Why don't people learn? Because people rarely learn from other people's mistakes - they have to do it themselves. If I told you (generic you) that putting your finger in a candle flame would burn and hurt you, you wouldn't believe me until you tried it out for yourself. If you burnt the fingers on your right hand, then went ahead and stuck the fingers of your left hand in the candle flame, then you'd be a fool. Sometimes people keep on making the same mistake over and over again until they wise up. Sometimes, they never do. Also: people rarely learn from their own mistakes, let alone other people's.

Plus, it's the same sort of thing when nice guys repeatedly go for women who treat them like doormats. Or when the slightly older guy goes for a girl barely into her twenties because he thinks she loves him. She rarely will: she'll use him to see what she can get out of him; or because it's a notch on *her* bedpost. :stu Then of course, you do get the odd case where they fell in love and lived happily ever after. :yay

But, all of this negativity is just no good. I always find it curious that negativity feeds on itself and is able to spread so quickly, so that positivity is left rather like this: :door

Wouldn't it be great if instead of saying what women (or men) do or do not want (which, as we have seen already is pretty much an exercise in futility :lol ) people could say:

I have this ..... (insert good quality here)...to offer someone.
I ....(insert curious fact #1253) ....that someone is going to find interesting.
I'm a stud muffin, come get me! <--a joke, but hey...it's good to laugh. and anyways: why not think it? :b

eh. well. You get the idea. Told you it was hard to do


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

VelvetElvis said:


> Indeed. I'm starting to realize the problem is anxiety, not neccessarily who you are....


 yes!! Exactly. And anxiety can be dealt with. It's really hard work, but it can be sorted out.

Plus, at least with anxiety, you know what to expect and can deal with it. You never know what to expect with the opposite sex.


----------



## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> Indeed. I'm starting to realize the problem is anxiety, not neccessarily who you are....


I'm starting to wonder if that's the case with me though. Even taking away all the social anxiety, I'm still a pretty boring person with no interests or humor. My personality is pretty much a zero on a scale of....whatever.


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

That's just skewed self-belief talking. 

I always thought some of your posts here at least, were quite interesting. 

What sort of hobbies / interests would you like to be involved with?


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> I have this ..... (insert good quality here)...to offer someone.
> I ....(insert curious fact #1253) ....that someone is going to find interesting.


Unfortunately some of us have no such equalities. Women don't want to date a virtual hermit. They don't want to date a guy who barely ever leaves his apartment. People who date, want to do things together and have fun, not hide. I can't share with them what they want to do.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

penguin said:


> onlylordknows said:
> 
> 
> > Also, about shyness...
> ...


Wow that's an awesome post.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Fly said:


> Lifetimer said:
> 
> 
> > . And guys like me... withdrawn (me because of my SA), non-aggressive, sensitive, nice guy -- well, us type of guys turn out to be the losers. We stand on the sidelines while our opposite personality fellow men get the women.
> ...


My only goal is to attract one woman that I'm attracted to. It's strange in any other area it seems I can achieve better than the average, but here I just feel like it is impossible to succeed.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

If only _they_ wanted a cynical, self-involved halfwit, I'd be beating them off with a stick!

Heh... if I removed "with a stick" from my last sentence, I'd be a real pervert.


----------



## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> If only _they_ wanted a cynical, self-involved halfwit, I'd be beating them off with a stick!
> 
> Heh... if I removed "with a stick" from my last sentence, I'd be a real pervert.


ewww Drella! :lol


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

_If!_


----------



## BabyG (Nov 8, 2003)

:lol


----------



## sparkler (Aug 10, 2005)

I'm not sure where the idea that all women prefer outgoing, muscle bound cheesy men comes from..i think thats just a myth, someone with a bit of intelligence, a sense of humour ( not meaning that they'd have to tell jokes or anything) but someone who can see the funny side of things.. little things like that should be more important to be able to get along with someone.

And remember one thing..we all know when we're being kidded..anyone quoting lines from one of those "How to" websites would be spotted right away, its all shallow rubbish and sounds exactly that if you actually followed the advice from them. Why try to make yourself into the very people you despise? i don't get all that.


----------



## penguin (Feb 6, 2005)

Scairy,
thanks! *blushes some more.

Drella,
you always make me laugh. 



ColdFury said:


> "Unfortunately some of us have no such equalities. Women don't want to date a virtual hermit. They don't want to date a guy who barely ever leaves his apartment. People who date, want to do things together and have fun, not hide. I can't share with them what they want to do.


I really don't believe that ColdFury, that you have zippo to offer. You've said what you can't do. What *can* you do? 

As for hermitude. I hear you! I truly do. But, it *is* possible to still be engaged in things around you; it is possible to make connections with people and have fun whilst doing it - and no, you don't have to go out to do it. You have to try and adapt so that the depression of your situation doesn't drive you totally insane, and the time comes when you are strong enough to go out and about more, "like the normal people do."

I say this to you because I *was* a hermit for well over a year. I'm gradually getting over it (and out and about a bit more) but it's still incredibly hard work. But, even throughout that time, I still made connections with people.

Start small on your road to recovery - even if that's "only" reaching out to people via the 'net, and just see where you end up.

It doesn't always have to be the way it currently is, even if it feels like it will never in a million years change. I know for sure that the belief that things could be different, is the hardest thing of all to get over.

I'm still working on it myself. :stu 

Good luck to you ColdFury.


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

penguin said:


> Scairy,
> thanks! *blushes some more.
> 
> Drella,
> ...


Thanks, but I've been on the road to recovery for 7 years and it hasn't gone anywhere. Reaching out to people on the net doesn't do anything for my anxiety and I've tried nearly everything.

I am what I am, and its not appealing for women.


----------



## Tasha (Feb 10, 2004)

Fly said:


> I think there are loads of girls/women who just want someone they think is nice, and who don't care about a guy not having lots of friends. There are many girls who would rather be with a guy who is a loner.


100% :agree I'm one of them.

The guys that have shown interest in me have always thought I was some sort of party girl, they all quickly vanished upon learning that I'm a loner. Loner=Loser in their eyes


----------



## lonesomeboy (Aug 29, 2005)

girls dont want a NICE guy, they want a guy that makes them FEEL nice.


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

SupportiveGF said:


> It's true girls go through the whole "i want a bad boy" phase...


There are certainly songs written about it :lol

From the musical, "Showboat":
_Tell me he's lazy, tell me he's slow
Tell me I'm crazy, (maybe I know),
Can't help lovin' that man of mine!_

Carly Simon, "you're so vain"
_You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner..._


----------



## Chris435435 (Nov 6, 2005)

don't some guys simply use what's discussed on this message board to gain a natural comfort with being around women?

I said *some* guys because I know many others want to learn these techniques simply for the sex.

I think for guys like us though, it doesn't hurt to try it at least once or a few times. I see it as a confidence builder and a bit of risk taking. You learn to approach girls and carry a decent conversation. You learn how to make women feel comfortable with you. The fact is that you're trying and not sitting around doing nothing about it.

I used to think guys like these were the scum of the world, but I don't think so anymore. These techniques are very useful because I think there's a lot to learn from it, especially a guy with SA.

I'm certainly no expert at making women feel completely comfortable around me, but I've worked at it in some ways. I can tell you that teasing a woman definitely helps and I've learned that! :lol. They'll like you more for it (or hate you more depending on how you do it).


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

The guy who is the cute guy sitting by himself in the corner really does it for me. I like geeks! I hate the body builder types myself, but I am attracted to someone who likes to go for walks outside. 

As far as the gym thing goes, I would just like to say that when I was going to the gym 3-5 times a week, I was feeling a lot better about myself and this added confidence will make someone attracted to you.


----------



## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

SAgirl said:


> The guy who is the cute guy sitting by himself in the corner really does it for me.


Amen to that. The guy I'm currently interested in is the quietest of his two friends (I talked with all three of them at the same time) and as lovely as the other guys are, he's the most interesting to me. I can't stand macho bravado- it turns me off big-time.


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

ooh....yeah i totally agree, shy guys are really cute, and iv seen that most of them have the most beautiful eyes *heart melts* plus personality is mostly what i look for, cuz if u fall in love and marry ur gonna have to deal with his personality everyday, his looks can change over time


----------



## [insert_name_here] (May 26, 2006)

*sits in the corner by himself and waits* la la la.... :lol


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

hahaha, u got a sense of humour too...


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

Well, apparently not many of these girls that like the shy guy that sits in the corner lives here.......


----------



## moejo (Aug 29, 2005)

None of the "shy guy" girls live here either. The louder, more confident, gold chains, nice cars, big bucks, dark tans, get the girls.

It's not surprising that female SAers want shy guys.


----------



## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

moejo said:


> None of the "shy guy" girls live here either. The louder, more confident, gold chains, nice cars, big bucks, dark tans, get the girls.
> 
> It's not surprising that female SAers want shy guys.


Oh God I really dislike macho men, does anyone like a macho man? :stu


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

no way! macho is so....so...argh, i just hate macho so much
and today, this guy walked down the street and i could see him from my window, he was wearing all black and his hair was dyed black, then he sat on the pavement and i saw that he was crying, he looked so alone and helpless, i wanted to go comfort him ant tell him that everything will be ok, but im so shy i couldnt bring myself to it


----------



## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

tewstroke said:


> moejo said:
> 
> 
> > None of the "shy guy" girls live here either. The louder, more confident, gold chains, nice cars, big bucks, dark tans, get the girls.
> ...


I don't really see people that are loud and confident or rich and showing off as macho. Some of them are pretty funny but most are not my type of personality. It's just things many girls seem to like and they make it easier to meet someone.

Most shy girls end up with extroverted partners because if you're cute many guys will approach you even if you're shy. But if you're a shy/insecure and cute guy it seem to be a big turnoff for many girls and not as accepted as a girl being shy.


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

im a shy girl, i know i am, but it is true aint it, all my exes are extroverts, really loud ppl, but i was never like them, i just liked them


----------



## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

I think theres a difference between quiet and beign really insecure, one doesnt mean the other is true, I know that confidence really atracts the girl, its liek universally atractive, sometimes Ive found that some girls liked the shy guys and I was confused and this is why that happens, beign quiet doesnt mean being insecure (oposed to the atractive characteristic that confidence is) Im friends with thiz girl and she really liked me at first but I just tried to get her to be my friend so I talked to her about my lack of self-confidence and she didnt stop likeing me but its a turnoff universally it is.

If you think about the whole human reproduction thing  a girl will like a male that will give good babies, I guess confidence is like a "social status" thing and the bigger the confidence the higher status a guy would have, of course excesively arrogant guys will actually come across as insecure. Anyways never think that theres such things as "social status" nowadays (never think that youre "ranked lower" because those things are just self-limitation) it all happens at a subliminal level. So confidence would be universally atractive.

Reason why teasing works so well, it shows that you arent scared of the girl all kinds of things that project this will be more atractive.

I once asked this girl what she think of the LB characters and she said that dieter wasnt as atractive, that stephen was hot and that jason was just "sexy". Whats the difference between the 3? Confidence levels.

Tease, have fun, dont kiss up, dont compliment too much, act in control of yourself and you'll get 12583512876538152386 girls STALKING you 

If you learn to do it right the whole misterious quiet guy thing can really work for you.


----------



## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

> Reason why teasing works so well, it shows that you arent scared of the girl all kinds of things that project this will be more atractive.


Maybe I'm weird but I don't get how teasing a girl will get you anywhere. To me, that's just annoying :con


----------



## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

I was having this conversation with a friend. He wants to be loud and "Macho", seems the more out going you are, the more women will be attracted to you? 

It's the opposite for me, I've typically ended up with the guy sitting in class/work/meeting by himself, where we would make eye contact over something someone said.......... Nothing, overt.

Most of the men I've met (not all) that have been loud (obnoxious, all in perception!) have been shallow, party types, def not my type. It's the quite ones you have to watch out for;-)))


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

im still sticking with what i first said, shy guys are cute, they look helpless sometimes and sometimes they look lost, i dunno why but i always seem to wanna help them


----------



## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

GaryUranga said:


> I think theres a difference between quiet and beign really insecure, one doesnt mean the other is true, I know that confidence really atracts the girl, its liek universally atractive, sometimes Ive found that some girls liked the shy guys and I was confused and this is why that happens, beign quiet doesnt mean being insecure (oposed to the atractive characteristic that confidence is) Im friends with thiz girl and she really liked me at first but I just tried to get her to be my friend so I talked to her about my lack of self-confidence and she didnt stop likeing me but its a turnoff universally it is.
> 
> If you think about the whole human reproduction thing  a girl will like a male that will give good babies, I guess confidence is like a "social status" thing and the bigger the confidence the higher status a guy would have, of course excesively arrogant guys will actually come across as insecure. Anyways never think that theres such things as "social status" nowadays (never think that youre "ranked lower" because those things are just self-limitation) it all happens at a subliminal level. So confidence would be universally atractive.
> 
> ...


No offence but, ughhh


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

to tewstroke:
hahaha, do u like quiet or loud guys?


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Lonelyguy said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > Here are the so called answers.
> ...


Well I view it a little differently. If I'm just starting to talk to a girl on the phone I'm not going to get to know her on the phone because honestly I'll run out of things to talk about on the date. You may say you're eventually going to run out of things to discuss eventually and sure that may be true but I don't want this to happen when the pressure is on and you're in the stage of trying to get her interested or into you.

The worst part is I don't even think I have the ability to talk on the phone to set a date anymore.


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

tiane said:


> im still sticking with what i first said, shy guys are cute, they look helpless sometimes and sometimes they look lost, i dunno why but i always seem to wanna help them


Not to make women pissed but I think that's a part of a women's tendency to nurture like they nurture their young. Not all women see shy guys this way of course but that's because for some a shy guy doesn't illicit this nurturing response.


----------



## tiane (Jun 29, 2006)

eh man! fine say we wanna nurture, but were not all that way, i only wanted to cuz he was so obviously emo, since emo is me and my friends, i know how hard it is to find friends, i could have just helped him find friends like me, all i wanted to give him was connection to his own kind


----------



## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

tewstroke said:


> GaryUranga said:
> 
> 
> > I think theres a difference between quiet and beign really insecure, one doesnt mean the other is true, I know that confidence really atracts the girl, its liek universally atractive, sometimes Ive found that some girls liked the shy guys and I was confused and this is why that happens, beign quiet doesnt mean being insecure (oposed to the atractive characteristic that confidence is) Im friends with thiz girl and she really liked me at first but I just tried to get her to be my friend so I talked to her about my lack of self-confidence and she didnt stop likeing me but its a turnoff universally it is.
> ...


 :lol


----------



## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

tiane said:


> to tewstroke:
> hahaha, do u like quiet or loud guys?


Umm yeah well actually I prefer girls :lol Why the hell am I even on this topic, I guess I just like to disagree huh? :stu But I do kinda like guys and the ones I usually like are shy so there.


----------



## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

My problem is that I'm so unattractive I desperately need to compensate for it, and my anxiety/self-esteem gets in the way of that. There are plenty of unattractive people who do well for themselves, but they tend to have "out there in the open" personalities.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

VelvetElvis said:


> There are plenty of unattractive people who do well for themselves, but they tend to have "out there in the open" personalities.


Yeah, but I think an insecure and shy person who also turned out to be incredibly attractive wouldn't have as much trouble attracting anyone. My problem is looks, but the bigger problem is that I don't have stand out qualities. I'm too shy to be myself around anyone, even family members. No one knows the true me. I've tried so hard to blend in my whole life, and it's really come to bite me in the ***.. for lack of a better term.


----------



## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Drella's_Rock_Follies said:


> Yeah, but I think an insecure and shy person who also turned out to be incredibly attractive wouldn't have as much trouble attracting anyone. My problem is looks, but the bigger problem is that *I don't have stand out qualities. I'm too shy to be myself around anyone*, even family members. No one knows the true me. I've tried so hard to blend in my whole life, and it's really come to bite me in the ***.. for lack of a better term.


I have no idea what you look like, but I happen to think you have an awesome sense of humor, that is a stand out quaity to me.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

realspark said:


> Drella's_Rock_Follies said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah, but I think an insecure and shy person who also turned out to be incredibly attractive wouldn't have as much trouble attracting anyone. My problem is looks, but the bigger problem is that *I don't have stand out qualities. I'm too shy to be myself around anyone*, even family members. No one knows the true me. I've tried so hard to blend in my whole life, and it's really come to bite me in the ***.. for lack of a better term.
> ...


Thank you for your kindness.  I meant more that I don't have qualities that make me stand out.. as in through life I'm a background character that no one really knows well. You know, some people make sarcastic quips in life and they are known for that. Or they're nice and sympathetic to all and people associate those qualities with them. I'm more associated with being quiet and alone. Even my family associates me simply with that. I'm constantly told to go ahead and hide in my room because people are coming over. I would like to be known for something other than that, but my anxiety makes sure otherwise.


----------



## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

guys, guys, dont bring it on yourselfves if someoen else can do it then you also can.


----------



## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

It certainly helps to have friends for 2 reasons:
1) If they meet you through a social circle, they will usually already think positively of you at the beginning without uttering a word. Although after that, you still have to proceed as usual.
2) I do find that girls like guys who have lots of friends. They view them as being confident, outgoing, and fun. One time i was dancing at a club with a group of friends (all female), and this attractive girl walked over to me and danced beside me! If I was by myself, I doubt that would have happened. I would have needed to initiate.

So I mean it helps, but it's not the be all end all. 

I once asked a girl who was quite pretty, if she would go out with a guy who didn't have many friends. She responded with "I would, but I would wonder if there's something wrong with his personality for him to not have any friends."

I've been in relationships, where I meet all of my gf's friends, but she never meets any of mine or just a couple of acquantences here and there because I don't have a lot of friends. It's not that bad...I think the key is to become friends with her friends....that way it's not too bad....and if she likes me and I talk to her a lot, she won't think there's anything wrong with me and that I'm just independent. When the question comes up with where my friends are, I just say they moved, and I don't keep regular contact with the others. 

If there's one thing they don't want, I don't think it's being a loner, rather, it's being boring. I guess it can be kind of harder to have an exciting life style if you're alone all the time, but it's still possible. Join some clubs, go out by urself and talk to people. The most important part is probably willing to put yourself out there, not seeking them for approval (by being comfortable with yourself) and build up your social skills.


----------



## Failure (Feb 4, 2007)

Women generally prefer outgoing, fun, exciting, talkative guys. Most people with SA will have trouble with this. If you don't have many friends (like me) there are usually reasons for that which lead to you not getting a girl, just not having friends wouldn't matter to much if she liked you. But then again from first hand experience if you don't have friends i dont think there will be much to talk about in the first place and the girl won't like you anyways. I don't share intrests with many people, and the intrests i do hold are not things where i meet women.

I think a girl would concider a guy who is a loner, as long as he wasn't boring. But most loners are loners for a reason, they are boring.


----------



## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

Actually I prefer guys who doesn't have very many friends/unpopular. Too much attention drawn towards guys is not good because the guy would be too busy with other friends and women. Wouldn't have time for me.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

this is like going around in circles. "Attraction is not a choice", David deangelo "Attraction is character" Dr. Paul.


----------



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I like loners. :yes


----------

