# Teenager wants to quit job



## epril

hi all, I have a dilemma. My daughter got a job, has worked there for a month or so, first job, and she wants to quit. She hates her job. I think it's because she doesn't like standing, being told what to do, etc. She is shy and has SA. Should I insist she keep working, to experience more social activity and learn to go through the unpleasantries of work, or should I just lay off and let her quit? She wants a job that is more fun, so she says. They may fire her anyway because from what she's said, I think her attitude is bad. Ex. she is supposed to get 6 carts at a time and she said she can only push 4. She's small, but, I think she's not giving it enough effort. I can understand any difficulty she may feel as far as SA goes, but she insists she's not scared, she just hates it there. She says no one talks to her, but she has also asked me why a cashier tried talking to her. 

Comments? Advice?


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## ecotec83

I would sit her down and ask her why she wants to quit and find out why instead of guessing. I had a horrible job at a wrecking yard a few years back and i tried to tell my parents i wanted to quit and that my boss was an *** to everyone and that i felt my safety was at risk. They thought i was exagerating being treated badly and they told me to stick it out and even went as far as getting mad and telling me you cant enjoy every job you have. I was utterly miserable and got depressed, hated getting up to go to work. The boss would either be nice and say good morning or he would start berating you and treating you like garbage. He even threatend to run me over with a gaint forklift because i accidently drove to close when he was in it. Tried to get me to memorize 200+ part numbers in a month and would interogate me about them or tell me to study them at home for no pay. First day he had me lifting 100lb car doors to shoulder level in 30 degree weather and i'm not a muscular. I didn't think much of the equiptment either much of it seemed unsafe. Eventually i made a mistake that was not even my fault and he fired me, i was so glad. I guess what i'm saying is from a parents point of view it may seem like a son/daughter is making excuses to justify quitting a job but in reality there may be something happening at work that is causing her to want to quit. Asking her is the only way to know for sure, perhaps she is not being treated nicely or is uncomfortable in that work setting like i was.


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## facade

Try and talk to her to see if maybe there is something more going on at work. When my daughter got her first job at a fast food place, turns out there was more drama there then at High School. Our maybe she can try and look for work else where before leaving the job she is at. Anyways I hope it works out being a teenager is a difficult job in it self..


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## Colhad75

Get her to look for another job while she's still working at that place.


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## leonardess

yes, a discussion is in order, but not a heavy handed one. 

my youngest told me that when she started having a lot of difficulty, unsatisfied with life in general, unhappy, rebelling against family, teen angst and all that, her dad changed his tactics and really started talking to her, and listening. She was troubled, and she said it made a big difference.

she got a job at one of the six flags amusement parks, and loves it. 

hope this gives you some ideas?


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## VanDamMan

Let her quit. 

Also don't give her any allowance. Let her figure out money on her own.


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## epril

ecotec83 said:


> I would sit her down and ask her why she wants to quit and find out why instead of guessing. I had a horrible job at a wrecking yard a few years back and i tried to tell my parents i wanted to quit and that my boss was an *** to everyone and that i felt my safety was at risk. They thought i was exagerating being treated badly and they told me to stick it out and even went as far as getting mad and telling me you cant enjoy every job you have. I was utterly miserable and got depressed, hated getting up to go to work. The boss would either be nice and say good morning or he would start berating you and treating you like garbage. He even threatend to run me over with a gaint forklift because i accidently drove to close when he was in it. Tried to get me to memorize 200+ part numbers in a month and would interogate me about them or tell me to study them at home for no pay. First day he had me lifting 100lb car doors to shoulder level in 30 degree weather and i'm not a muscular. I didn't think much of the equiptment either much of it seemed unsafe. Eventually i made a mistake that was not even my fault and he fired me, i was so glad. I guess what i'm saying is from a parents point of view it may seem like a son/daughter is making excuses to justify quitting a job but in reality there may be something happening at work that is causing her to want to quit. Asking her is the only way to know for sure, perhaps she is not being treated nicely or is uncomfortable in that work setting like i was.


Thanks for the info. She's only been there for several days; I can't imagine something bad happening so quickly, but maybe.


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## epril

facade said:


> Try and talk to her to see if maybe there is something more going on at work. When my daughter got her first job at a fast food place, turns out there was more drama there then at High School. Our maybe she can try and look for work else where before leaving the job she is at. Anyways I hope it works out being a teenager is a difficult job in it self..


I want her to find another job first. But I also don't want to pressure her to feel like she has to work, because I think school is more important. 
If there is drama, I doubt she's involved, because of her SA, but to have it swirling around her and not relate could make her uncomfortable.


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## epril

leonardess said:


> yes, a discussion is in order, but not a heavy handed one.
> 
> my youngest told me that when she started having a lot of difficulty, unsatisfied with life in general, unhappy, rebelling against family, teen angst and all that, her dad changed his tactics and really started talking to her, and listening. She was troubled, and she said it made a big difference.
> 
> she got a job at one of the six flags amusement parks, and loves it.
> 
> hope this gives you some ideas?


I think I should back off and eventually she may find a more interesting job, but then I think I'm not pushing her hard enough, considering most of us don't like our jobs.


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## epril

Husband and family want her to keep working. I don't mind her quitting, but I think she should have another job first. I don't want her to quit so easily. But, I do worry about her being anxious. Of course, it's hard to tell if she's being anxious or lazy.

If I tell her she can quit , husband will be pissed at me.


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## nothing to fear

i've only ever worked at one place, and had a few difference jobs there, but i absolutely despised all of them at first and would have to hold back from telling my mum that i'm not working there anymore.
i'm glad i didn't do that, except for one of them which was horrendous for my SA and i'm glad i did decide to stop doing that particular job.


it would be a good idea to have a talk and figure out what it is that is bothering her so much. i think 1-2 months is decent for finding out if you truly hate that job. although it is good for teen's to start working and making their own money, if it's making her miserable and in turn affecting her overall well-being and other areas of her life, then i don't think she should continue and hopefully doesn't feel pressured into it.


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## splattice

epril said:


> ...She wants a job that is more fun, so she says...


What kind of work would she like to do?


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## epril

nothing to fear said:


> i've only ever worked at one place, and had a few difference jobs there, but i absolutely despised all of them at first and would have to hold back from telling my mum that i'm not working there anymore.
> i'm glad i didn't do that, except for one of them which was horrendous for my SA and i'm glad i did decide to stop doing that particular job.
> 
> it would be a good idea to have a talk and figure out what it is that is bothering her so much. i think 1-2 months is decent for finding out if you truly hate that job. although it is good for teen's to start working and making their own money, if it's making her miserable and in turn affecting her overall well-being and other areas of her life, then i don't think she should continue and hopefully doesn't feel pressured into it.


She's only miserable when she's there. It doesn't affect any other part of her life. She also says she wants money but doesn't care if she get's fired or quits. She is not materialistic at all. If I told her she'd get no money from me if she quit, she wouldn't care..at least for a long while until she wanted her own tub of popcorn at the movies..she has anxiety sharing it!


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## epril

splattice said:


> What kind of work would she like to do?


She wants to work at a movie theater, comic store, Hot Topic, Game store...Those jobs I think are hard to come by because they're more fun and coveted by more teens than packing groceries.


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## pita

My own parents told me not to quit my job until I found another. I never found another, so I'm still here, half hating my job and half not minding it. It depends on the day.

I don't think you should have to stay at a job you hate, but I dunno if the other jobs she mentioned would be much more fun. Comic book store might be alright, but the others sound stressful.

Then again, maybe I'm just repeating too much of what my parents have already told me, which can be summed up as "All jobs are awful." I hope they're wrong, however.


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## GermanHermit

IMO it's important that kids learn to sit through dull and unamusing situations. They will stumble across those all through life.


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## VanDamMan

pita said:


> Then again, maybe I'm just repeating too much of what my parents have already told me, which can be summed up as "All jobs are awful."


Even with rockstars, it is a job.

Touring around the country in a cramped bus.

Singing the same exact songs over and over again night after night trying to give your best performance.

You have a cold, too bad. People paid to see you that one night.

You don't see family or friends.

Don't have any personal time alone.


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## epril

You all have given me things to think about. I think I'll let this job take it's course, whatever that may be, without me interfering, and help orient her toward another job. Hmmm...but I still don't think she'll be hired at a 'cool' place to work with so much competition. One day a week should not kill her, and I don't seem overly strict and pushy...

I love hearing from everyone. It's hard just listening to my relatives and husband. They're tougher, I'm..not weaker, just more sensitive and open minded I hope.


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## epril

EremitaGermanus said:


> If I may also add my two cents worth:
> 
> The jobs she wants instead are not exactly SA friendly either and according to her own arguments, the reasons for wanting to leave that place are not primarily SA related but simply lack of fun and being reluctant to accepting a subordinate role.
> 
> IMO it's important that kids learn to sit through dull and unamusing situations. They will stumble across those all through life. That will also make her stronger for dealing with the pains of SA and other anxieties.


Yes, lots of my jobs have been tediously boring. And I've survived, and learned patience and humility. I'd like that for her. I'm shocked she has such a lazy attitude toward work. She does have a.d.d.inattentive dx, which means she does get bored and has a very low attention span, but that's not going away so she needs to learn how to cope.


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## scarpia

epril said:


> Yes, lots of my jobs have been tediously boring. And I've survived, and learned patience and humility. I'd like that for her. I'm shocked she has such a lazy attitude toward work. She does have a.d.d.inattentive dx, which means she does get bored and has a very low attention span, but that's not going away so she needs to learn how to cope.


You just said she has ADD. She's probably not being lazy. She's not well. How would you like it if you couldn't work because you were sick and people were calling you lazy? Who diagnosed her with ADD? Has she had treatment for it?


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## epril

scarpia said:


> You just said she has ADD. She's probably not being lazy. She's not well. How would you like it if you couldn't work because you were sick and people were calling you lazy? Who diagnosed her with ADD? Has she had treatment for it?


She's been dx'ed by several dr.s for A.D.D, PDDNOS, learning disabilities, and SA. It's been years, and she's 16. I don't want to call her lazy. She's not on any meds right now. She hasn't been able to tolerate any ADD meds.

I do understand how hard it is for her. I hate the term 'lazy' and the implications. I used it probably because I'm unsure how to deal with this work issue. I don't think she's just lazy. I feel bad that I said that. I'm frustrated I guess. Part of me gets flustered when people around me, like her dad, think she will act 'normally', just because? in 'normal' situations like a part time job. 
So, knowing all this, what do I do? Talk to the manager? Get her counseling? Let her sit home? Help her find a job that fits her better? 
I defend her most of the time. Most of my relatives think I'm too easy on her. 
Thanks for the reply!


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## scarpia

It's a really tough situation. Hopefully she will grow out of it. That does happen. She is only 16. I know a 17 years old kid who has ADD and has been going from job to job trying to find something he can do. 

If she can't tolerate ADD meds then try counseling. ADD is a disability and is recognized as that by the Americans with Disabilities Act. There are places that are willing to hire people with disabilities. Workplaces are supposed to make accomadations for people with disabilities.

At this point I think the most important thing is to make sure she gets through school. How are her grades? Kids with ADD often have a lot of trouble in school.


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## epril

scarpia said:


> It's a really tough situation. Hopefully she will grow out of it. That does happen. She is only 16. I know a 17 years old kid who has ADD and has been going from job to job trying to find something he can do.
> 
> If she can't tolerate ADD meds then try counseling. ADD is a disability and is recognized as that by the Americans with Disabilities Act. There are places that are willing to hire people with disabilities. Workplaces are supposed to make accomadations for people with disabilities.
> 
> At this point I think the most important thing is to make sure she gets through school. How are her grades? Kids with ADD often have a lot of trouble in school.


She's doing ok. She gets either A's or F's, depending on how organized and motivated she is. Ha.. 
I wonder how to find out if an employer would hire a kid with A.D.D. I know I've seen people with disabilities working at grocery stores, or Walmart. I'll look into that. Thanks. I'm taking her tonight to see if she can push those carts. I wish I could get her counseling but it's very expensive.


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## epril

Update: She's working about one day a week, fine with both of us. She is enjoying having money; went to a movie yesterday. Also perhaps the initial shock of working is wearing off a little, so I'm glad she's stuck with it with a little less complaining.


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## Atticus

Sounds like a pretty good outcome. Good to hear.


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