# My Plan for a better life.



## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Weekly progress reports*
Week 1 - Post#7
Week 2 - Post#18
Week 3- Post# 20
Week 4 & 5 - Post 21

I am sick of SA and depression. Last night I bottled my works Xmas party where the girl I had a huge crush on really wanted me to go (we're good friends). Instead I stayed in depressed whilst she had a really good night. With Both of us really drunk with a bunch of people trying to set us up together i might finally have been able to make a move. I bottled Uni because of it. I'm 18 and been to nearly no parties, have done next to nothing with girls and have very few 'fun and young' memories. I am not happy. I keep trying to change but i give up after a few days. By posting on here I'm hoping I'll get a little encouragement and feel it's a bit more of a commitment.

Short Term Goals

-Go for a jog twice a week.
-Work out (with weights) three times a week.

These two will help me feel and look better which will ultimately do wonders for my confidence.

-Buy a new set of clothes. Most my clothes I don't really see as 'cool' and i don't have many / anything I think looks good if i wanted to look my best. I plan to spend at least £250 ( A weeks wage) and spend a **** ton of time picking out a range of clothes i really like.

This will achieve the same as above. I have already spent round £150 quid buying more or less a whole new wardrobe and throwing out the majority of what i already owned asides from a few which were okay to just wear around the house or messing around in. I have always been very tight with money but this investment was well well worth it. I love feeling a bit more stylish and not having to panic about what to wear to things like muffty day at work because i now have lots of things that i can wear. I also have more of a range of clothes. Rather than just a bunch of similar looking gray t-shirts and plain £10 thin cardigans, i actually have a few different styles of t-shirt, jackets and jumpers. I've also brought slight more expensive things rather than just the cheapest thing that looked okay that i could find

- Twice a week make an effort to do something that involves talking to people. Can be as small as just going to buy a chocolate bar from the cashier instead of the pay by yourself counter. Preferably choosing a counter of someone my age. Lying in my bed all evening will do nothing for me.

-Eat healthier. I am very skinny but my diet is ****. I want to eat at least two extra fruit/veg portions a day instead of my pre bed time snack.

- I also plan to practice my speech a bit. I mumble really badly and talk a bit weird in general. I often come across as angry or annoyed when i'm not at all. Even to my friends.

- Update my facebook profile picture. I look like a weirdo and it's really old. HAS to be changed sooner rather than later. I'm to embarrassed to even like photos because i look like a such a goon. However i'm still too insecure to pose and upload one of myself so i'm gonna have to practice by myself and then wait till im with a friend and take one that looks like i've put no effort into but really i have

-Look for uni courses and apply. At least then i'll have the option to go. I do really want to go. Mainly for the life experience. Now i know the life is the wrong reason to go. But for someone like me who is depressed with no social life it could be a real life changer for me. And if nothing changes with my social life in the next year or two I will MASSIVELY regret not going to uni as having the chance to experience all of this 'just being young life' which i haven't had yet.

I'll update this thread as I go along. This will be like a journal to me

Anyone got any other small thing I can do to start of with? I'll build up to harder things as i Progress hopefully.

Thanks for anyone who's read!


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

Here is a list of everything I can remember doing in the last week that went badly because of my SA.

-Gave my crush a lift home but when she asked me to sing with her I awkwardly said no

I should have turned the radio up a bit louder to drown my voice out and just sung, although singing is something i'm insanely insecure about.

-Didn't go to the work Xmas party. I am absolutely furious with myself for this. I saw the pictures on facebook and it wasn't even that bad. Just a small table I could of sat on and talked whilst getting really drunk with everyone  Really really missed out on this one. Everyone at work thinks I'm a Scrooge now as well. Everyone looked like they were having such a good time and i get a stab of pain looking at the pictures of everyone. Mainly seeing my crush having fun with everyone else at work but not me and my god she looked stunning.

I should not turn down social events like that, it would have been fun.

-Shut myself in my room for hours. This needs to stop. I need to at least say something to my parents occasionally. I also didn't actually get dressed last weekened

I am making myself have a shower and get dressed for a reasonable hour


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

Schedule for next few days

Today - walk up to tesco and just buy something from the cashiers. Preferably some Xmas presents. 

-Work out with weights.

Sunday - go into a shop and buy some trousers that I badly need for work. ( I plan to do my main shopping spree online. I have already spent around £150 on new clothes but as i brought them online, although they'll be great for my social life as i really like them, they didn't require me to test my SA. I need to put myself in SA positions in order to beat it. Buying clothes makes me insanely insecure for some reason. So just going into a shop, picking out a pair. If I'm feeling really ballsy I might even try them on before I buy them. 

-go for a jog

Monday - Weights
-Practice speech 

Tuesday - I want to make progress with my crush. I want to really try and find out how she feels we're good friends and i can't lost her as a friend as she is literally the only girl I have spoken to properly for around 5 years and she's already done wonders for my confidence around women.

We have lunch one on one every day so we have plenty of alone time

-Practice speech


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

This is cool. Good luck


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

The Sorrow said:


> This is cool. Good luck


thanks mate


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

This is great to see, your productivity and will to improve is going to get you far. I wish you all the best.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 1* - I'll edit this thread daily  Even if no one reads It will still help me

*Sat* - Brought my trousers for work. Went straight in brought them and straight out. For some reason shopping really effects me. I feel like the sales people are judging me.

*Sun* - Went for a jog. I can't jog on roads or during the daylight were people can see me so i ended up running through a park in the pitch black. But at least i did it. My god i've become so unfit. Couldn't pracice my speech sadly as i wasn't home alone at all and can't do it where anyone can hear me (including family)

*Mon* - I did some situps and weight lifting. Drunk a very healthy smoothie to aid my attempt of eating healthier.

*Tue* - Went out for another jog. This time i had much more of a plan which helped a lot. This is now the third jog I've been on in the since last Thursday. Feel much fitter already. Nowhere near the standard i used to be of course where i was able to run all night, but I jogged solidly without taking pointless short breaks constantly. Rethought my running track and now just run up and down the same bit of park that's a bit more open. I got a little on edge running through the forest on my old route bare in mind it was pitch black and raining. Each lap (there and back) is about half a mile which is a nice distance to work with. Ran 2 miles (4 laps) in about 16 mins 30 which considering I've barely moved for two years isn't too bad. (bare in mind i did take short breaks after every lap) Having a set route/track now means i can now a.) Work to beat this time everytime i run and b.) push myself by not taking a break no matter how much i crave it until i've finished a lap.

Went to my local super market to buy some xmas presents. Saw a cute girl staring at me on the way in so thought i might as well go to her counter. Unfortunately she was on a double counter (for basket only customers) and some other guy called me to him before she got a chance. But at least I tried, not that i would of said much to her anyway

Also had a decent day at work. Didn't really do anything social awkward (that stood out) and spoke to more people than normal.

*Wed* - Went out to see a football game. Had no time to do anything productive, but i was out the house which means the day wasn't wasted.

*Thu* - went for another jog. I have got significantly fitter already. did a warm up then ran two miles in 17:40 most notably with zero stops asides from two short 10 second stops to stretch my calves as i could feel them getting tight and didn't want to injure myself. Didn't feel out of breath afterwards, but my legs did feel like jelly a bit afterwards. I have made a HUGE improvement already in regards to fitness and no longer get tired instantly when i start running. Genuinely amazed at how quickly i have gone from the appalling fitness levels of a sloth to being able to go for a decent jog in just one week.

Tomorrow I want to really talk to my crush. Won't bore you with details but she definitely has something she is not telling me. I want to try and find out a bit more on how she feels about me and if she feels anything more as recently she's done a few... strange things. If i could find out for sure before the new year that would be great although i don't think i'm ready to really ask her how she feels yet. Sadly we'll only have 5 more lunches together before the new year. That's five hours to find out how she feels half of which could possibly be interrupted by some other guy who we both would rather stay away

*Fri* - Day off. Out with Friends. Like wednesday I'm out the house socialising so it's not a wasted day

failed to make any progress with crush though. she showed me a text were some guy was calling her the most stunning and beautiful girl he'd ever seen in his life before changing her mind about showing me and snatching her phone back. she said he must be blind. I should of just said he's right or something but i ended up just saying don't be so hard on yourself. To me she is exactly what that other guy told her she was. Thankfully she is not interested in him at all though

*Sat* - Very disappointed in myself. Completely wasted the day away. Did literally nothing but lye in bed on my laptop  Will try to make up for it tomorrow

*Sun* - Actually woke up at a reasonable hour today and got dressed.

Jogged again. Think i have strained my calf a bit though. I should probably invest in some proper running shoes. Didn't try and beat my time on the two mile run but went for more short sprints instead. Don't think it's as effective but it makes a change.

Also did a bit of weight training and made sure to have a smoothie as i'd been slacking in the healthy eating.

Ordered a few more clothes and also spent a bit of time in the bath trying to make myself look a little cleaner eg. by sorting my eye brows out a bit.

oh, and i started reading a good book. reading have lots of benefits which i think may help with my SA and depression and as i havn't read in years i thought i'd give it a go. its good fun regardless

*Week Overview*

Overall i wish i'd of pushed myself a little harder. I started slacking towards the end of the week. My fitness has definitely improved a lot though. I think it's noticeable too. I've certainly noticed a lot more girls looking at me for a start. I also think people have been approaching me a bit more and talking to me. It could be all in my head or just because it's xmas and people are in good spirits but i like thinking the exercise is helping at least a little. Next week i want to do something that tests my anxiety a bit more. I focused 100% on health and fitness this week and didn't really do anything to put myself out there. However i accept that it's xmas next week and it won't really be a normal week so not expecting too much for next week. In summary I have made decent progress. Feeling better about myself will go along way to helping my SA and curing my depression and the jogging has made even bigger improvements than i thought it would have, so very happy about that!

Positives- 
-feel fitter with more energy
-girls have been glancing at me more often
-people seem to want to talk to me a bit more
-feel a little better about myself.

To improve next week - 
-stop delaying my tasks until the last moment. I keep going out at about 9:30pm when i could go out at 8pm, 
-Make sure to eat healthy. I slacked a little in this department
-Do something that actually tests my anxiety.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

AussiePea said:


> This is great to see, your productivity and will to improve is going to get you far. I wish you all the best.


Thanks  I just hope that posting it all here will be the thing i need to keep going, I normally slow down and stop after a week or two


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

k00ks said:


> Thanks  I just hope that posting it all here will be the thing i need to keep going, I normally slow down and stop after a week or two


It is difficult and there are setbacks but if you fight through it you will go far. I went through a similar process with setting small goals and gradually pushing myself to face my fears etc and I've come a considerable way, so much so my SA no longer impacts the quality of my life. So chin up and eyes forward!


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

AussiePea said:


> It is difficult and there are setbacks but if you fight through it you will go far. I went through a similar process with setting small goals and gradually pushing myself to face my fears etc and I've come a considerable way, *so much so my SA no longer impacts the quality of my life. *So chin up and eyes forward!


Things like this really give me hope

How long did it take you to get your SA to a level where it didn't really have that much of an impact on your life?


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## harry26 (Dec 4, 2014)

Everyone at work thinks I'm a Scrooge now as well. Everyone looked like they were having such a good time and i get a stab of pain looking at the pictures of everyone.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

k00ks said:


> Things like this really give me hope
> 
> How long did it take you to get your SA to a level where it didn't really have that much of an impact on your life?


About 12 months, it was at its peak from the ages 17-21 and it took another year from there of hard work and goal setting to get it to a level where it was not affecting my day to day life.


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## IMSOCLOSETOEDGE (Nov 4, 2013)

Your on the right track. Keep it simple and try enjoy the best you can. You will get rid of the social anxiety if you just face the anxiety and just surrender to that feeling. Once you stop caring about your anxiety it looses its power. So best way to start the change is to face those fear and really see are they so bad. If you do it you will realize someday the anxiety have wore itself down. I had very bad anxiety my 18 years but these days i can make complete fool out of myself hitting women in bar without having any spec of anxiety. I started my change just by really with 100% to enjoy life without anxiety as my goal and i found my ways and you will too.


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## sarahsjourney (Jan 5, 2014)

Awesome thread! I look forward to reading your progress


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

Thanks guys, your encouragement genuinely spurs me on! I determined that this time I will not give up and this 'plan' is the plan that will beat my SA and depression or at least get it under control 

If anyone wants to leave some small goal suggestions feel free as well


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

I think you should do something that gives you only a small/medium anxiety, so that you can repeat this over and over again. We humans learn by repeating. So you can experience anxiety many times and learn how to cope with anxiety and that it is not that bad. And to learn how to make overcoming anxiety a habit.

So think about something that makes you uncomfortable, but doesn't give you a panic attack. And do this many times.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

The Sorrow said:


> I think you should do something that gives you only a small/medium anxiety, so that you can repeat this over and over again. We humans learn by repeating. So you can experience anxiety many times and learn how to cope with anxiety and that it is not that bad. And to learn how to make overcoming anxiety a habit.
> 
> So think about something that makes you uncomfortable, but doesn't give you a panic attack. And do this many times.


that's the plan just gotta find the right task. Something like going to a good looking cashier is what I've been looking for an opportunity to do.

Right now though i'm focusing mainly on health and fitness as i've noticed a big improvement in my happiness since i've started working on it which I think will ultimately result in helping my SA and definitely my depression


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 2*

Was really busy this week so couldn't get much done and had to rush this summary but will be back to normal after new year

Mon - Work out
Tue - Run
Wed - Went to town with crush. Went really really well. We're definitely getting closer.
_Thu_ - Merry Xmas
Fri - N/A
Sat - N/A
Sun - Went out for a run

*Week Overview*
Xmas week, didn't really do a lot but am getting along better with my crush so thats great. She even got jealous when another girl kept looking at me. She told me this herself


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## 1Pet57 (Dec 6, 2014)

Yay this is inspiring, thanks for posting.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 3*

Week Overview

Didn't do the daily thing as I'm not sure it's needed. This was a big week. New years eve. Would i bottle it?

I honestly never even considered bottling it. In fact i asked people to go out. We went in clubs and were out all night. I had a really really good night. this is a HUGE step for me. HUGE. Ever time i've been invited out i've either said no. Or spend the whole week worrying and cancelled. But this time for some reason i just didn't care. I went out and spoke to people. Saw loads of people. And just had a great night. I've noticed a significant drop in the amount that I analyse things. I've stopped worrying so much and i've accpted who i am a lot more.

Whatever I've been doing it has made a big improvement so far as i no longer worry so much about what others think and i've had a bit of reality check as to how much people actually care about what I do.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 4 & 5
*

Right so I've been slacking on updating on here and starting to slack a little in general so from now on I'm going back to editing every 2/3 days with updates.

So I have still noticed significant signs of improvements. I don't feel so depressed. I am getting more done, i am not constantly worrying about my crush, i am enjoying my life WAY more.

My car has given me far more independence. I have started to venture out by myself a bit more.

I stopped working out this week as i was Ill and i did notice I started to slip back into depression a bit again so i've started that up again as of today as already feel a bit better.

I want to push my anxiety a bit this week. Not sure what i'll do exactly by my goal for week 6 is to actually do something. Anything at all, not matter how small that causes me anxiety. I imagine it will be something like asking a stranger in tesco for the time


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 6*

Monday - Worked out. Almost asked my crush if she had feelings for me but I didn't. But i got closer than ever before so I guess It's progress....
Tuesday - Worked out - Spent a lot of time looking at new clothes. I've already spent a Lot of new clothes in the last few weeks but I want more. I've decided what I like now and I love always having something I like to wear as I have a selection of things I consider acceptable if I want to look good. I've started looking on different websites to the usual ASOS I've been looking at and have ordered some things that are slightly different that I also really like.
Wednesday - Went out with friends.
Thursday - Felt really ill and didn't get anything done 
Friday - Really really upset my Crush She was trying to get rid of some stalker so I said to put zero effort in and make to make herself look ugly and she almost started crying as she thought I called her ugly. I sent a long text explaining how that was the opposite of what i really thought
Saturday- went out with friends
Sunday - sorted a lot of little tasks I had to do. Now i'm far more organised


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

*Week 7*

*Mon- *First thing i did was to tell this guy who sits with us every now and again that I wanted to speak with her alone today. She then emailed me saying she wasn't having lunch today as she finished work early. So i told her what I'd done as she started asking why I wanted to be alone with her. We spoke via the work email all morning. I knew I couldn't tell her I wanted to ask how she felt about me so I hinted I was going to ask her out. I said I can't tell you over email. before saying it didn't matter anymore when she said she was seeing this guy at lunch (even though this was the stalker guy i knew she had no interest it) Later on in the day she asked me if I wanted to see a movie with her. Turns out this movie isn't out for another month but we'll sort something out tomorrow.

*Tuesday-* So apparently i actually made her cry She said she never wanted to see me again after than lunch. She's okay now though and understand more what i meant. I'm taking her home tomorrow. Maybe we can talk more privately about stuff there.

*Wednesday -* So the drunk texts she sent me (but saved to her drafts) were apparently her hitting on me! She was almost shaking when telling me but I'm kinda hoping Drunk texts and sober thoughts. didn't push too much about it because I could tell how uncomfortable it was making her. She stopped before she told me more. I'll try and find out more. Arranged to go to the cinema with her on friday though. Not a date but it's something.

Thursday - wasted a day

Friday


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

k00ks said:


> *Week 7*
> 
> *Mon- *First thing i did was to tell this guy who sits with us every now and again that I wanted to speak with her alone today. She then emailed me saying she wasn't having lunch today as she finished work early. So i told her what I'd done as she started asking why I wanted to be alone with her. We spoke via the work email all morning. I knew I couldn't tell her I wanted to ask how she felt about me so I hinted I was going to ask her out. I said I can't tell you over email. before saying it didn't matter anymore when she said she was seeing this guy at lunch (even though this was the stalker guy i knew she had no interest it) Later on in the day she asked me if I wanted to see a movie with her. Turns out this movie isn't out for another month but we'll sort something out tomorrow.
> 
> ...


It is almost a month! What happened? Don't give up, better watch this:





The constant effort is what makes up great!


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## Ressurection (Feb 20, 2015)

k00ks said:


> *Weekly progress reports*
> Week 1 - Post#7
> Week 2 - Post#18
> Week 3- Post# 20
> ...


I think the most important thing you have to work on, the one you haven't mentioned is your self-esteem. Your have such a negative self image that anything else might not work well for you. Working on the inner self is the most important thing. Once you change the outlook you have on your inner personality and appearance, you can move forward on feeling good, and not being so insecure. I'd say work on this first before anything. Keep telling yourself you're a good person, and you love yourself. I don't care how bad you think you look, if you present yourself as humbly confident you'll show respect for yourself, and others will respect you.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

The Sorrow said:


> It is almost a month! What happened? Don't give up, better watch this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hey thanks for noticing! Other people really spur me on with this so it's nice to have your support.

So here's my

*Update:*
The night out with her went well, we went out after the film and i had a nice time. thought we got a bit touchy as well at times.

Anyway since then i've just been working out and eating healthy as i have been. I still suffer badly from SA but it is now effecting my life a little less. I no longer feel as anxious and i've been putting myself in situation were i'm in large social situations and i've started going to speak to people on the phone/ in person at work where as before i'd ignore the phone or put of seeing anyone i didn't know. Guess i've realised people care too much about themselves to really think about me.

I'm ready for the next step now, i want to try slightly harder tasks...any ideas?

With regards to the girl...She kept saying really odd things. I won't bore you with the story but i finally got out of her that she was thought i was semi hinting at wanting to be more than friends. She said she'd been giving me mixed signals because i'd sent them to her. I told her she was right and i think we'd work as more than friends. She is really awkward (like me) and makes a huge deal of things so as i expected she really overacted and went weird but she said we'll talk about it tomorrow. She sort of said she could see herself with me but there are things she's not sure about like the fact we work together and she said she always messes things up. I'm fairly sure's she is considering it at least. I know she fancied me at first. Guess we'll find out if she still does and if i'll be the one to break her non dating period. I just wanna say I am so glad this has happened no matter the result. for the first weekend in ages I haven't worried about her going out and finding another guy because i know she now has me in her mind for a fact. I won't be forever regretting not telling her:clap

So wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have the confidence to say how I really feel, but at least she knows I want to date her


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

Good to hear 

No need to stress about telling her your feelings, if you did fine, but don't stress about it. She knows you want to date her, this is enough at first, I guess. Maybe only tell her if she doesn't want to date you.

At the mean time, you should work on your SA and low self esteem, parallel. 
It is good that you eat healthy and do sport, you should continue this. But now talk to your coworkers and try to form other friendships(even causal or superficial). To kill low self esteem, I used this in my training schedule:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

It worked incredible well for me and is based on experience of real life therapy.


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

Okay well here it goes. The first talk with her got a bit delayed as i bottled it slightly and so did she. Finally we went on a date today though after brining it back up.

She likes me. A girl who actually got to know me likes me. She did say she didn't at first and i am the opposite to her normal type but she does and we're giving it ago. I don't really know what to say. or do. I said so many stupid things and yet for some reason it worked and she likes me.

It's funny she said she stated to first like me around November. That was around the time is stopped letting her get to my head and panicking around her. the whole 'just be your self thing worked.' Honestly more or less the moment i stopped obsessing with her, calmed down and was just myself was the moment she started to like me. This that is a valuable lesson. I'm very tired now which i think is hiding my excitement a little as i didn't sleep well last night. But it is nice to know that it is possible for someone to like me and want to be with me.

All i need to do is not mess this up now. I am Terrified at our first kiss. It will be my first kiss. She thinks i've had a couple of short relationships but i havn't. I heard girls have dumped guys because they're poor kissers a I'm sure has kissed a lot of guys as well. I am worried she'll think there is no real spark after our first kiss.

She is very awkward like me but usually dates confident guys who take the lead. I am not confident enough to do that really. So on the first kiss I'm even more worried as I will have to create the moment and take it myself. Two awkward people trying this is just asking for disaster.

I am also praying to god she is a virgin as if we ever got serious I'd rather lose it to a virgin although I don't expect that any time soon. my hunch is that she is although there is one guy fairly recently I'm a little worried about but guess it's not worth worrying about. Sorry to ramble but I'm in a bit of a strange mood right now


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

kOOks, This thread is so inspirational, I wish I took as many chances at your age to fight against social anxiety as you are doing. May you continue to succeed in overcoming your SA. It makes a big difference when you start young to change socially. I am trying to change socially but because I am almost 50, I am having trouble achieving my goals but I will not give up. Good luck to you in achieving your goals!


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## k00ks (Apr 26, 2014)

We have our first date on wednesday. I'm not *too* nervous but I need some help.

At the moment it's a bit strange. We are having lunch together everyday at work like we always have. And it doesn't feel any different. It's like neither of us really know what we are right now.

She really upset me today by saying her best friend wants to set her up with some other guy like she has been for a few weeks. She still said no like she always has but i am wondering why her best friend wants her to date this other dude. She also told me about a mildly sexual experience she once had.

It really hurt me as i thought she was really cute and innocent but maybe not so. I pray to god she is a virgin as i don't think i could take it if she wasn't. My anxiety is going to be seriously tested over the next few weeks. First kiss is what i'm nervous about ATM. it will be my first ever kiss. How do i go in for it? She is just as awkward as me but says she normally dates the cool confident type who take the lead with her. Something I can't do. She has also had a lot of kissing experience whilst i have zero.

Finally should i not sit with her at lunch for the next couple of days? To make wednesday feel more date like and so we have more to talk about?


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

Relax.
The less you think about it the better you perform.


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