# Is 30's the WORST age to make new friends?



## ScrewHappiness

I notice when I'm in class (I take art classes for fun) and talk to the 23 year olds, I get this feeling of commonality. It's that uncertainty in their voice. That "discovery" mentality. Everything is new.. looking for a job, looking for a date, looking for something to do this weekend. I sat next to this kid the other day. He probably thought I was around his age, cause I look pretty young. And I still dress like how I do, which happens to be how kids dress nowadays.

I find it IMPOSSIBLE to meet people around my age, who are like me, who have the same "need" for friends I do.

They all have it already.

It's hard to find 30's people with mentality of 20's, as far as not having anything, and searching for something. All the 20's always ask questions, like.. how can I get into.. where is there a good place to.. etc etc. Everything's a question. That's what gives me comfort, knowing they are searching for things, as opposed to having it and doing it.

LIke if I meet someone in 30's.. and seem too excited or nervous about going out somewhere.. it's odd. Because they've been doing that since they were 23. They're beyond that. They're more into the advanced aspects of it.. while I'm still in that "OMG, I'm going to this thing" mentality.

This seems trivial but trust me people will react to this as if you are a communist. Adults still have that teenish attitude like.. if someone's not at their 'level' they feel iffy about really being friends with this person.

Anyway, don't know if I'm ranting or what. Just like to hear if any of you feel this way.. so I don't feel so alone!


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## lissette

I'm 33 and most of my friends are in their mid 20s. We do seem to have a lot in common. We like to do a lot of the same things and are for the most part single. I almost never even think about age when we hang out together. Sometimes though I am reminded of our age difference, since my days of staying out all night or doing bar crawls are for the most part done. I have a few friends my age who I can then hang out with on those quieter occasions. I also have a friend that is 40 and that acts like a bigger kid than me. I have found that age is irrevelant with friendship.


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## shyvr6

I understand what you're saying. I'm kind of the same way in that I have a more younger and less serious personality that would click better with someone who hasn't already been there and done that. I would say to try and make friends with people you that you click with no matter what their age is.


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## bballfan

I'm in my early 30's and I do find it hard to find friends. I would like to have a friend(s) who share similar values as I do..but that is very hard to find.
I have one friend who I get along great(similar interests) with but we have not talked in a few months...so I don't even know if he's a friend anymore, so I guess i really don't have any friends.


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## livinginfear

I don't think age has so much to do with it really. I find it no more easy or difficult to make friends now than when I was younger. I have SA so real friends don't come easy 
-- someone's gotta know ya to love ya, right? The fact that I don't have a social life to speak of means I'm not meeting many people, and opening up is hard for me unless I feel safe, which I rarely do. My brother-in-law on the other hand is super friendly and the best talker on the planet. He makes friends everywhere he goes, literally. I laugh about it because it doesn't matter where you are, he always seems to know somebody, and if he doesn't, he'll make a new friend before ya leave. Wish I could have just a little bit of whatever it is he's got!


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## millenniumman75

Most are married and don't have time for friendships. :stu


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## dax

ScrewHappiness said:


> I notice when I'm in class (I take art classes for fun) and talk to the 23 year olds, I get this feeling of commonality. It's that uncertainty in their voice. That "discovery" mentality. Everything is new.. looking for a job, looking for a date, looking for something to do this weekend. I sat next to this kid the other day. He probably thought I was around his age, cause I look pretty young. And I still dress like how I do, which happens to be how kids dress nowadays.
> 
> I find it IMPOSSIBLE to meet people around my age, who are like me, who have the same "need" for friends I do.
> 
> They all have it already.
> 
> It's hard to find 30's people with mentality of 20's, as far as not having anything, and searching for something. All the 20's always ask questions, like.. how can I get into.. where is there a good place to.. etc etc. Everything's a question. That's what gives me comfort, knowing they are searching for things, as opposed to having it and doing it.
> 
> LIke if I meet someone in 30's.. and seem too excited or nervous about going out somewhere.. it's odd. Because they've been doing that since they were 23. They're beyond that. They're more into the advanced aspects of it.. while I'm still in that "OMG, I'm going to this thing" mentality.
> 
> This seems trivial but trust me people will react to this as if you are a communist. Adults still have that teenish attitude like.. if someone's not at their 'level' they feel iffy about really being friends with this person.
> 
> Anyway, don't know if I'm ranting or what. Just like to hear if any of you feel this way.. so I don't feel so alone!


I can really relate. I look young like you do, I find it impossible to make friends at my age, and I really miss that whole "uncertainty" and youthful desire to discover the world that people tend to get when they start college. I remember that feeling so well- being on your own for the first time, having real independence for the first time, doing new things for the first time. I miss that. But I still feel more like a 20 yr old than a 30 yr old- and I dress more like a 20 yr old too. I can relate to you on that.

People our age (I just turned 30 not too long ago) mostly already have a set of friends and generally aren't looking for anymore so it's hard to find anyone even if you didn't have SA.


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## dax

millenniumman75 said:


> Most are married and don't have time for friendships. :stu


Yea, and that too. I've lost a lot of friends because I pushed them away or they just weren't interested in being my friend anymore- but I've also lost some just because they engaged and getting married soon and are focused on all that.


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## gnuSuL

Geez, I feel like I have lived three lifetimes but I have to tell ya that I do feel more comfortable around younger people. I don't have many friends but I know and interact with people at work and church. I work with the teens & college students in my church as a youth leader and their excitement is infectious. But I also like that they are searching and life is scary and new but they are ready to brave it (some of them). I don't have the fortune of looking young but I love music of all kinds and currently me and the kids have alternative and metal music we swap. They turn me on to some new bands and I do the same with old bands. They keep it real and simple, they haven't been tainted by life just yet.


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## John_in_SF

Is 30's the WORST age to make new friends?

No, the 40s are even worse. 'Cause your cohort is freaked-out going through midlife crises and besides, they all look so _old_. 50-somethings seem to have a lot more fun, and of course you are completely invisible to 20- and 30-somethings.


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## coldmorning

It's harder in the sense that most 30 somethings are married or have kids and don't usually hang out as much. People in their 20s hang out and socialize more. 

But in one sense it's easier to make friends because you're not expected to have a lot of friends or a bustling social life. So for someone with SA it might get a little easier.


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## Johnny_Genome

I have casual friends from 20-50's. I tend to be friends with people who don't live the expected life. Most are passionate about some kind art form: music, film, design. I like people who like to do things besides hang out at a bar/club every weekend—who like to create or experience new things. Most tend to be younger, but probably because a lot of times people give up on their passions and just settle into the expected life by their 30's.


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## millenniumman75

dax said:


> Yea, and that too. I've lost a lot of friends because I pushed them away or they just weren't interested in being my friend anymore- but I've also lost some just because they engaged and getting married soon and are focused on all that.


It;s like I am suddenly on another planet and that I wouldn't understand.


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## MissMay1977

Yep I am 31 and most of my friends have a husband/bf and are too busy for me.


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## orpheus

I don't care about friends, for some reason. I guess I'm used to being alone. 

I don't expect my 30s to be much different, at least in terms of human relationships, than it has been in my 20s.


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## mighty atom

I've often felt frustrated and sad about this...

I feel like i'm stuck in no mans land....
All the people my age seem to have homes and family's or at least a steady partner...and don't want to hang out and just do stuff with friends..

The few i had at my last job - it was an uphill battle to even arrange a meal every couple of months......
(plus i weirdly ended up buying a car off of a boy i went to school with - who i was friends with....he recognized me before i did him - but wow did i feel sad...he had this house, was married had a young child......

(i was still at home and buying my first car)

But at the same time i feel really ill at ease among younger people - because they've already done far more stuff than me as well.....
I went back to University as a mature student a couple of years ago.....
And made no real friends (apart from a few i'd chat to in class) because i was too terrified and paranoid that they'd find out all the sad pathetic stuff about me.....

I mean how do you tell 19/20 yrs old who are full of confidence - going out getting drunk/partying and dating etc....that you're ten years older than them and have never even had a date.

I just wasn't brave enough....

I have a couple of online friends that are about 10 yrs younger than me and we get on...but thats becuase i have the safety of the interent, which acts as a barrier and means you aren't face to face and have to face the prospect of actually going out and socialising :um


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## lilly

I think it depends on what stage of life you're in. When you're single you would feel more needy of friends and maybe seem more open to friendship. In my 30's my world was looking after my daughter who was born when I was 34. I found it difficult to even attend mothers' groups and so on - there are the opportunities to meet other mums but I was too tense to even be able to strike up friendships. I'm friendly but get nervous when people make overtures to me - I don't know what it is but it's not helpful!
I forgot to add that I really think it's great you're attending a class. I don't even have the courage to do that by myself and I'd like to. So you're a step ahead already.
I think the hardest time to make friends is when you're older like me and don't know where you'd start.


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## lonesome36

hello everyone! This is just what I have been going through for the past 6 years or so. When I was in my 20's everything was easy. Making friends was no problem. Now that I am in my mid 30's, I find myself with no real friends and struggling to connect with people socially. My anxiety because I don't have the status-Co life is so strong that I find myself pushing people away and alienating family. I am really worried that my self sabotage is going to leave me all alone. It's debilitating, I feel ashamed and think people won't want anything to do with me. O' and of course their are those people who can sense your struggle and just make it worse. I just need good friends in my life.


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## Kustamogen

Im 30 and most of my friends Ive accumulated in the last few years are 3-8yrs younger than me.....probably cuz of my maturity? lol or where i am in life


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## lonesome36

I don't even know how to make friends anymore...


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## aussiegal

The one friend I do have I met in my 30's but she will be moving away soon and now I am nearly in my 40's I don't hold out much hope of making any new friends.


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## copper

Most people I know are married and have children so they don't have time. A same goes for the neighborhood I live in. People in my neighborhood just go to work and come home. I very rarely talk to my neighbors.


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## sarafinanickelbocker

copper said:


> Most people I know are married and have children so they don't have time. A same goes for the neighborhood I live in. People in my neighborhood just go to work and come home. I very rarely talk to my neighbors.


Yeah, same here.

I make aquaintance friends at work though. Sometimes do happy hour or the occasional party. *shrug*


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## melissa75

Age doesn't seem to make a difference. I just found out a co-worker of mine is just a few months older than me. I thought she was at least 40 because of the way she acts. We have nothing in common. She's married with 4 kids and doesn't laugh at any of my jokes. Not that I'm always funny, but she just looks at me like I'm the most immature person in the room. 

Anyway, I have found that I have the hardest time relating to those that have settled down with marriage, kids, cute little house, etc. I can hardly see myself doing that someday not because I don't think I can but I just don't think I want to. I feel like it's all over once I do.


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## VanDamMan

I totally relate. 


I really like having sex with girls in their early 20s.


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## angus

VanDamMan said:


> I totally relate.
> 
> I really like having sex with girls in their early 20s.


Dude ladies in there 40's and 50's are much better in bed, it's like the difference between a white belt and a black belt.


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## millenniumman75

melissa75 said:


> Age doesn't seem to make a difference. I just found out a co-worker of mine is just a few months older than me. I thought she was at least 40 because of the way she acts. We have nothing in common. She's married with 4 kids and doesn't laugh at any of my jokes. Not that I'm always funny, but she just looks at me like I'm the most immature person in the room.
> 
> Anyway, I have found that I have the hardest time relating to those that have settled down with marriage, kids, cute little house, etc. I can hardly see myself doing that someday not because I don't think I can but I just don't think I want to. I feel like it's all over once I do.


It's like people "give up" once they settle down. Weird.

In a way, they probably wish they could laugh at our jokes. Personally, a lot of stuff that I hear from the married people about things bores me.

I find that there is more to life than what's on television or sports.


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## AK32

I hope not b/c if it is I'm screwed.


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## UltraShy

What's the good age? They all seem to suck.


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## Kon

The early to mid 30s were my worst years easily. At that stage people tend to be very materialistic and competitive with each other in terms of career/financial success, kids, big houses, etc. In their 20s everybody was more concerned about being popular/getting laid/finding the right mate, etc. 

In their 4Os and beyond though people become more disillusioned (awake in my opinion) with the "rat" race and are a lot more accomodating to lack of success, etc. and I think, it's much easier to make friends if that's what you're interested in. Many of them end up having someone close to them with psychological problems so they're more accomodating/accepting. But maybe I'm wrong?


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## Anoeth

Early 30s is sucking for me. Then again I was in relationships in my 20s so I mostly had online friends and hanging out in real life didn't matter to me because my bf/finace was my best friend and we lived together and never had to go out alone.

I don't think any age was great, there were always awkward times. I do think this age sucks more though, because less people are concerned with having friends, whereas in high school more than half the people are self conscious and worried about it.

Now I'm finding the people I meet online are starting to feel young to me. The people I meet irl from Meetups and whatnot are all 'old'. I mean they really are old like 40s - 50s, but also they act old, as in they have 'settled down' done the kids thing, etc, which I have not. I'm not working and that doesn't help, because then anyone past university/college has zero to say to me other than tell me about their great life.

I feel weird making friends with older males because they end up hitting on me and I feel so ashamed and creeped out at that, and I ignore them completely after that happens because it's too awkward. It also makes me sad because I worry that I look 10 years older than I am if they think it's appropriate to hit on me when they're 20+ years my senior.

I agree with the poster above who said something about being disillusioned etc, at the mid life crisis age. I think more people at that age are looking for friends and by then it's too late to have 2.5 kids/American dream etc, so the sense of urgency is gone.


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## Eukre

I also do not know how to properly make friends. I haven't quite grasped the whole concept of life and am still learning whatever it is I need to know. I find that I do relate better with the younger crowd and makes me feel a bit taboo. I realize with today's world that age does not mean much as it once had but a part of me thinks that friends my own age are past a certain acceptance level and if they don't like me instantly, they won't ever. <frown>


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## mismac

justlistening said:


> This has been on my mind a lot since I turned 30. I don't care about the years I've wasted, but the realisation that I didn't take anyone with me to this stage in life has often kept me awake at night. I feel like it wouldn't bother me as much if I at least had a brother or a sister.
> 
> Oh man, if only I had a sister.


May not have made any difference. I'm the oldest of 4 (2 brother, 1 sister) and I'm not close to any of them :no


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## Skitzoid

I am glad to see this thread; atlast I am not alone here...
Teen mind stuck in an aging body, LOL


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## binsky

Probably it starts being hard to make friends at 30 and then gets worse as we get older. *sigh*


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## Observer

Figured now would be a good time to re-post something I wrote about making friends at 30+ back when I first joined this forum:



Observer said:


> I think making friends gets more difficult with age, certainly not impossible, but there comes a time when its no longer just a simple case of going outside and striking up friendships with the random people we meet.
> 
> As school kids we are taught to work and share with others, we are forcefully put into an environment where cooperation and friendship (even in the most weakest sense) is drilled into our minds, you may not like the other kids but damn you had better get along with them or else there will be trouble! This forced bonding means that in time friendships are formed and this notion also expands to colleges and universities. Just look at all those subjects and courses that require us to team up or to work in groups. They're testing our co-operation and friendship skills just as much as our knowledge on the subjects .
> 
> These friendships are further emphasized due to the fact that during that time, educational institutions play a very large role in all our lives, we simply do not have the option to be anywhere or go anywhere else and thus we are forced into making friends (or at least tolerate) other people if we are to succeed. Ever wonder why the bad kids are always labelled as outsiders? They didn't pass the friendship test.
> 
> Then we hit adulthood, the working world, and all of a sudden we have options! Don't like the people at the office? Well then ignore them. Still don't like them? Then leave the job! Don't like your neighbour? No problem, just ignore them, nothing says you have to be friends does it? What about a person you meet in the street? You're not expected to be friends with them are you? I don't know about you but at my age, except for common social etiquette, I don't _have_ to behave in a certain way to anyone and people certainly don't _have _to be my friend. And therein lays the problem. Once we hit adulthood we're no longer forced to make friends, no more forced social interaction and the sad fact is that a majority of society the world over are not bothered to do anything about it.
> 
> Then again, why should they? Chances are those same people have a partner and a couple of kids waiting for them at home, they have parents they call on weekends or public holidays and if all else fails, a handful of friends (who they met in school, back when they were forced to make friends) to call on for anything else. Why should they take the time and effort to meet someone new and to form a bond with? Why should they do it if they DON'T have to do it? Oh humans are such lazy creatures! Thus I do believe that making friends gets more difficult with age because we (as a society) are no longer forced into it. Heck striking up a random conversation with someone now is usually considered suspicious more than anything else.
> 
> I wish I had an answer, some sort of wonder solution, I really do but I am in exactly the same boat as a lot of people here my heart really goes out to all of you. I came back to the United Kingdom (after years abroad) to find myself marooned on an island full of empty strangers. What childhood friends that I once had are long gone and a lot of people I meet now just aren't bothered. Most people my age are too busy obsessing over their partners/kids/pets/mortgages (which I have none of) and as a result only want to talk about their partners/kids/pets/mortgages and truth be told a lot of the younger folks aren't much different. I work with a lot of 18-23 year olds and you would not believe how many of them sound like elderly people, complaining about the weather being a little cold or how much the cost of milk and bread has increased. Somebody please shoot me.


 That was a few months ago but now I think it could be more of a common interest issue than an age issue. I still stand by my proposal that as people get older they become too lazy to make new friends (people grow comfortable with what they have and with that comes a fear of uncertainty in anything new) but even when I do talk to people (of all ages) I can't help but to find most of them boring. What friends I have had in the past have always been the oddballs and eccentrics (much like myself) but the people I meet these days seem so dull and jaded in comparison.

People make too much fuss over existing and not enough about living.


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## millenniumman75

Do you think that people still want to seek friendships but resign to it?


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## Pam

No. Wasn't it even harder during childhood? :um


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## Observer

millenniumman75 said:


> Do you think that people still want to seek friendships but resign to it?


 I think that most (though not all) people don't want the hassle that comes with making new friends such as learning interests, accepting differences, finding common ground etc. Perhaps the desire is still there but people have just become too comfortable with their adult life ("these are the people I know and I'm sticking to them") to feel the need to venture out in making new friends. Since the vast majority of people make friends in their childhoods, maybe they associate the act of making new friends as childish?

I think it comes down to people who have retained a lot of their childhood friends not feeling the need to add any new ones (just look at those sites to get in touch with old school friends, why bother making new connections when you can just resume older ones). Those people have their quota; they have enough people to engage with, send Christmas cards to, share stories with etc so the doors (of friendship) can be closed.

Then you have people like me (and dare I say others on this forum) who have little or no friends from childhood so have to keep our friendship doors open if we are to have the same experiences as the other people. Alas we're in the minority (and it shrinks smaller as time goes on) so finding likeminded folks who also want to make friends can be quite a challenge.

As a kid I could walk into a room of ten people and make friends with at least seven of them. As an adult I would take those odds down to making friends with just one. It gets to a certain age when people just aren't in the market for making new friends.


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## sea glass

I agree with Observer about friendships happening because we are forced into a group, especially during childhood. 

For example, I know of homeschool family A with two kids that were basically ditched by homeschool family B (four kids) and homeschool family C (one kid) because homeschool family B and C decided to send their kids to public school this year. So, homeschool family B & C's kids are now forced into a different group of kids and even though they used to get together with homeschool family A's kids on a weekly basis, they instead formed a new group of friends within their new realm and don't think about homeschool family A's kids anymore. So homeschool family A's kids learned a harsh lesson about friendship. Sorry if that was confusing, I am really bad with examples. 

I am a member of a couple of other forums though, and I find that many people are lonely and really open to meeting people and creating friendships. And while I do understand that maybe older people who have settled down don't want/need the hassle of nurturing a new friendship, I also think that people generally want to have fun and what better way to do that but with a new friend. I think people are a little more open to this than most think but it is just difficult to find others who think alike.

Gosh, I'm sorry I wrote a book up there. I didn't realize it was so long.


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## sensitiva

*It can be tough...*

It is tough, mainly (as others here have said) most 30 somethings are too caught up in their relationships with their spouses and kids. I recently came across this quote from Sarah Vowell, though, that gave me hope:

"Being a nerd, which is to say going too far and caring too much about a subject, is the best way to make friends I know."

It makes me want to learn how to play flute and join some kind of concert band for (nerdy) adults. I played alto sax in high school, but always envied the flute players because their instrument was so much easier to carry and sounded so pretty. Just have to figure out how to do this...


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## Johnny_Genome

I think it's important to be aware of our habits in terms of making friends. I find myself always doing things when I'm least likely to run into someone. For instance, I only do laundry at my building when most people are asleep or at work. I use the automated checkout in the grocery store. The little choices I make through out the day all add up to missed opportunities.


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## binsky

Johnny_Genome said:


> I think it's important to be aware of our habits in terms of making friends. I find myself always doing things when I'm least likely to run into someone. For instance, I only do laundry at my building when most people are asleep or at work. I use the automated checkout in the grocery store. The little choices I make through out the day all add up to missed opportunities.


That's true. I wish I had more friends, but I never go anywhere in order to meet people. I'm always at home or work, with the occasional shopping trips. Pretty much a homebody though.

When I was younger, it was easier to make friends but I was in school with the same people every day. Now, I'm never around the same people every day, except at work... and no luck so far making any good friends there. My co-workers are nice enough, but interactions at work are always so political.

Where can people in their 30s go in order to naturally meet people and make friends? *shrug*


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## millenniumman75

sensitiva said:


> It is tough, mainly (as others here have said) most 30 somethings are too caught up in their relationships with their spouses and kids. I recently came across this quote from Sarah Vowell, though, that gave me hope:
> 
> "Being a nerd, which is to say going too far and caring too much about a subject, is the best way to make friends I know."
> 
> It makes me want to learn how to play flute and join some kind of concert band for (nerdy) adults. I played alto sax in high school, but always envied the flute players because their instrument was so much easier to carry and sounded so pretty. Just have to figure out how to do this...


Count me in on that one - flute and clarinet player here .


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## kesker

lonesome36 said:


> I don't even know how to make friends anymore...


I know. Most friendships evolve out of continued interaction. I don't believe I've ever made a friend outside of work or school. I think about joining clubs etc. and then all kinds of resistance kicks in. "Clubs are for sheep." "Groups are for people who don't have their own mind." That sort of jibberish. I'm contrary and want to preserve my individuality and I also want to believe that I can do this on my own and be the all powerful being I always envisioned I'd be--I'm a loser if I have to join a group to get where I want to go.....So I'd say, "Go join a group."


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## Catty

I can relate to people in their 20's. The people in their 30's appear more older and set in their ways. I haven't much in common with them. Many people assume I'm in my 20's and they get a shock when I reveal my age! I must look younger, and I must appear to be immature. 

When I was in my 20's though people thought I was a teenager.


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## Fenren

It sucks trying to start a new anything in your 30s I think, be it friendships, relationships, new careers, unless you have a solid foundation from past experiences...it's no picnic!
Just don't throw in the towel before trying though, trying properly I mean, hard and consistently. Yeah easier said than done. I've lost the will to follow my own lame advice anyway.


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## Witan

I wish it seemed that way to me. It seems like all the other 20-somethings already have everything figured out, have their groups of friends, etc., and I don't.


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## sanspants08

Catty said:


> I can relate to people in their 20's. The people in their 30's appear more older and set in their ways. I haven't much in common with them. Many people assume I'm in my 20's and they get a shock when I reveal my age! I must look younger, and I must appear to be immature.
> 
> When I was in my 20's though people thought I was a teenager.


Same here. The upside of making friends when older, however, is that other people your age won't necessarily reject you based on how cool you seem to be, or seem not to be, since peer pressure isn't such an issue anymore.

Nowadays I can say to a dude at a hobby convention, "Hey, we should hang out sometime" and have the chance of getting an enthusiastic "Yeah man." At 18, talking to another 18-year-old, the same question would probably have gotten me, "Dude, um...are you gay?"

So I'd say making friends definitely gets easier with age.


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## Sunshine009

^yes in some ways I agree


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## teniralc21

sensitiva said:


> It is tough, mainly (as others here have said) most 30 somethings are too caught up in their relationships with their spouses and kids. I recently came across this quote from Sarah Vowell, though, that gave me hope:
> 
> "Being a nerd, which is to say going too far and caring too much about a subject, is the best way to make friends I know."
> 
> It makes me want to learn how to play flute and join some kind of concert band for (nerdy) adults. I played alto sax in high school, but always envied the flute players because their instrument was so much easier to carry and sounded so pretty. Just have to figure out how to do this...


Have you looked into playing in a local community band? I currently play in two community bands, and that's where I've met several of my current friends.


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## Haribo Lector

lonesome36 said:


> I don't even know how to make friends anymore...


I don't think I ever did.

When I was at school the rigid social framework common to that sort of institution forced me to interract with others, so I formed a couple of friendships.

When I started university I found that the friendships I'd somehow made at school fell apart. I know that's normal, but it still hurt. Plus, the group I'd attached myself to managed to stay friends with each other - I just wasn't included any more.

I pretty much gave up trying then, and I'm 30 now and literally don't have a single friend. I can interract with people in a social situation, but that's not the same as having a friend.


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## Odelius

Haribo Lector said:


> I don't think I ever did.
> 
> When I was at school the rigid social framework common to that sort of institution forced me to interact with others, so I formed a couple of friendships.
> 
> When I started university I found that the friendships I'd somehow made at school fell apart. I know that's normal, but it still hurt. Plus, the group I'd attached myself to managed to stay friends with each other - I just wasn't included any more.
> 
> I pretty much gave up trying then, and I'm 30 now and literally don't have a single friend. I can interact with people in a social situation, but that's not the same as having a friend.


I unfortunately know how that goes. Wish I didn't. Somehow a friend walked in out of the blue this summer for me and having one single friend really does a lot for a person.


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## jamesd

This thread deeply concerns me of my own future


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## randomprecision

Even at my age I still feel a sense of dread whenever someone is getting too close. I'm happy talking shop and weather all day but that is it so making close friends is impossible.


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## Nichiren

Well in my area being a guy in his thirties who has no children and has never been married raises a few eyebrows among my supposed peer group.
Many assume I am homosexual, which i'm not and others assume I am some sort of creepy old man... which might be closer.

Like the OP I still have the mind of a young person but it is the mind of a young nerd/geek.
The kind of person who is always playing video games, watching anime and asian horror, reading scif-fi fantasy books, owns almost all of the star wars expanded universe books and who would go to comicon/dragoncon/videocon if I was not so anxious around crowds.

Which is the same person in their 20's who has few friends unless he meets them online or at said conventions.


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## Divasmurf

Good thread. "It's hard to find 30's people with mentality of 20's" I cant recall who said that but i agree. Most people my age are unhappily married and resigned to live out the rest of their days the way they think society expects them to. I cant even count the number of times i have suggested doing somehting to a friend of mine and hearing the phrase"oh we're too old to do that stuff". Since when? That was also one of the problems with my ex-husband, he grew old before his time. Im constantly ribbed for my style of clothing,my interests and the fact i still enjoy cartoons. Just because we dont feel old doesnt mean we are not responsible or have peter pan syndrome or whatever they call it. Most of my friends were lost when i ended my marriage and since then its been so hard to find friends, and im talking about the true friendship, people you have a deep bond and respect for,not just the shallow company of aquaintances.Add to everything the fact that if you dont have many friends and your over 30 people think theres something wrong with you and will avoid you on that alone.We cant win eh? lol


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## LadyDarkness

My mentality is quite "young", maybe because it's like I'm in a time capsule, things have been put on hold pretty much since I was 20. I'm now 43, but I guess I'm mentally "younger" at least in some ways, probably not completely, though.


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## komorikun

melissa75 said:


> Age doesn't seem to make a difference. I just found out a co-worker of mine is just a few months older than me. I thought she was at least 40 because of the way she acts. We have nothing in common. She's married with 4 kids and doesn't laugh at any of my jokes. Not that I'm always funny, but she just looks at me like I'm the most immature person in the room.
> 
> Anyway, I have found that I have the hardest time relating to those that have settled down with marriage, kids, cute little house, etc. I can hardly see myself doing that someday not because I don't think I can but I just don't think I want to. I feel like it's all over once I do.


I agree with this. I can't really relate to people with kids and even if they don't have kids, they are probably married. Married people are just kind of glued to each other and I'm not into being the 3rd wheel.

With age, I find that the social anxiety is decreasing a bit but perhaps cause of the years of not using my social skills I'm left with being socially inept. I'm not very good at asking questions and getting the other person to open up. And, I say things that are not relevant to the conversation. Not very good at giving compliments either. I tried going to quite a few meetups for a while but haven't gotten any friends out of them. It was good socializing practice but I'm still left disappointed and lonely. Does anyone else feel this way?


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## Escape Artist

I'm 30 and I'll be damned if I ever make a good friend again. 

Seems ****ing impossible. I can get past SA, but I can't make people like me. Makes me feel like a real *******.


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## cher35

Yes, I'm 35 and recently divorced. All of my social support is gone. I never encounter anyone friendly out in daily life... at the gym, yoga class, etc. It feels impossible and I think I will be alone forever at this point. I moved to the city I live in for my ex so now I am 800 miles away from any friends and family from earlier life and I can't afford to move back there. 
Feel totally alone and have tried all the lame advice about joining "groups" and doing hobbies, etc. Nothing works.. feel completely hopeless right now and can't keep dumping on my long distance friends because they are sick of me.


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## LadyDarkness

I think the older you get, the more difficult it is to make new friends. That's just the way it is.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I am 28, and:

- Can't relate to people at college, who are 18-21 years old
- Can't relate to people my own age

This leaves me with no social contacts, as you can imagine.


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