# Question for GUYS



## centrigal06 (Jun 21, 2006)

I've met some interesting guys who I've had fun hanging out with and they've seemed to have fun too but after a couple of times hanging out they don't seem interested in wanting to be friends anymore. I don't let anyone know I have SA and one on one with people I'm very outgoing, so I don't understand why they just up and disappear, I guess guys decide wether they are attracted to you or not and if they're not they don't talk to you anymore? I don't know. I'm not the greatest looking person, but I'm not ugly either...and I don't understand why guys can't just be friends with girls. It seems like if they don't think you're hot they're not interested in you at all. Anyone have any thoughts? :sigh


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

I'm a girl, but can relate to what youre saying, I guess most guys dont find me fun enough and dissapear after few IM conversations, but sometimes I get really defensive and scare them off without fully realizing it.


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

:ditto I tend to feel like people are too shallow when trying to find friendship. You'd figure guys would want a friendship with an attractive girl so he could eventually 'make a move'. :stu


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## meatwad (Jul 13, 2006)

Well, that is not true for me or all guys for that matter... I like being friends with girls, regardless of if I'm trying to get with them. On the other hand, there are lots of guys who don't enjoy having girls as friends and mostly look at them in the romantic sense. 




The chemistry of a group can definitely change when it goes from a single gender group to a bi gender group. To better figure out your situation, more details would be nice. 

What do you do with these guys? Do they tend to do typical "guy" things? Do you ever feel like you are more of an observer, rather than an equal participant? Do you feel like you're the type of girl who can act like "one of the guys"?

How many people are in the group?


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Do these guys know up front that you're only looking for friends and nothing romantic in nature? If not that could explain it. Otherwise, I don't know.

And, BTW, guys get dumped for reasons unknown as well and are left to wonder, so this isn't unique to any gender.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Yeah, I don't know why people do that. Male or female.


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

When it comes to deciding whether or not someone is going to be your friend in the long-run; it all comes down to chemistry. Both men and women aren't going to make friends with every single person they encounter. Its quite rare that I meet anyone (male or female) that I feel enough of a connection to be friends with. It has absolutely nothing to do with looks; it has to do with compatible interests and personality and how comfortable you two feel being yourselves around each other. (if there is any hint of an overt desire for a romantic relationship on either end, things get much more complicated however and thats a different story)


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## Nihlanth (Sep 1, 2004)

Even if you do have compatible interests with each other and have fun, that is a very superficial reason to be friends with someone. Friendship goes much deeper than entertainment and pleasure seeking.


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## soma (Nov 10, 2003)

Yes, we are shallow and very interested in sex, but at the same time, we are capable of having friendships with girls that are not barbie dolls.


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## Lyric Suite (Mar 16, 2006)

Unless there is some sort of concrete exchange (either common interests or attraction), 'having a good time' it's almost a meaningless concept for me and a lot of guys i've met. 

On the other end, it seems a lot of girls enjoy each other's company for the mere social aspect of it. 

Both attitudes don't seem to mix very well...


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

soma said:


> Yes, we are shallow and very interested in sex, but at the same time, we are capable of having friendships with girls that are not barbie dolls.


Q: Would guys ever consider having a friendship with the barbie doll girl or dating the non-barbie doll girl? I'm curious since I've been thinking of jumping into the dating scene but really don't know where I stand, especially with my depression, and getting an idea would save me a lot of humilation. :rain


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

centrigal06 said:


> I've met some interesting guys who I've had fun hanging out with and they've seemed to have fun too but after a couple of times hanging out they don't seem interested in wanting to be friends anymore. I don't let anyone know I have SA and one on one with people I'm very outgoing, so I don't understand why they just up and disappear, I guess guys decide wether they are attracted to you or not and if they're not they don't talk to you anymore? I don't know. I'm not the greatest looking person, but I'm not ugly either...and I don't understand why guys can't just be friends with girls. It seems like if they don't think you're hot they're not interested in you at all. Anyone have any thoughts? :sigh


I think guys (or at least me) only form friendships with girls if they see them as a possible significant other. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. I know, kind of shallow, but people can tell pretty soon whether or not there is chemistry.


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## centrigal06 (Jun 21, 2006)

yeah guys are only into hot girls they can hook up with


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

"Hot" is subjective, so I wouldn't go as far as saying guys are only into beautiful looking, model-esque women (if that's what you mean by hot). I for one, actually find it hot when a girl has a bit of a tummy. But sure, who wouldn't want to hook up with a very attractive person? However, I believe we seek a certain level of attractiveness similiar to our own. It's like a sociological study I read:

On a scale of 1-10, say there was a 10 and an 8 in your class (I'm referring to attractiveness). Most people would be intimidated by the beauty the 10 possesses, and thus be drawn to the 8. It's more realistic, because we're not all 10's. So it's often the runner up who receives all the attention.

(Recently though, I have noticed that women are usually in relationships with men who are less physically attractive than their partner. But not so often the other way around.)


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

dez said:


> soma said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, we are shallow and very interested in sex, but at the same time, we are capable of having friendships with girls that are not barbie dolls.
> ...


Yes, hot friends = you meet more hot girls, hot girls usually have hot friends. Dating the non-barbie doll? hardly.. lol jk Id date the non-barbie doll if her personality was really awesome


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> I think guys (or at least me) only form friendships with girls if they see them as a possible significant other. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. I know, kind of shallow, but people can tell pretty soon whether or not there is chemistry.


I make friendships all the time with girls just for the sake of friendship, regardless of a relationship.


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## soma (Nov 10, 2003)

dez said:


> soma said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, we are shallow and very interested in sex, but at the same time, we are capable of having friendships with girls that are not barbie dolls.
> ...


Would guys consider having a friendship with the barbie dollr girl?
Absolutely yes. This is a confidence booster for guys, and it just is always nice to spend time with girls that are really good looking, even if there is nothing beyond friendship.

Would guys consider dating the non-barbie girl?
Absolutely yes. There is the whole issue of supply and demand, and barbie doll girls just aren't all that.


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## silverstein (Jul 9, 2006)

Restless Mind said:


> I think guys (or at least me) only form friendships with girls if they see them as a possible significant other. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. I know, kind of shallow, but people can tell pretty soon whether or not there is chemistry.


I get along pretty well with women and do form friendships with them even if we won't ever be significant others. In fact, since I've been living in this area, I've only gotten a call or two from guys to get together, while women have shown a lot more interest in me as a friend. The times I've gone out, it was almost always due to a woman inviting me. If I had to choose, I'd say my best friend in this area is a woman, even though she has a boyfriend and is pregnant with his child so there's obviously no expectations on my part for us to be more than friends (and I think her boyfriend has also accepted that so he doesn't mind it as much when we get together). Once she gives birth in a couple of months and I won't be seeing her at work anymore, I plan to call her and go visit her to maintain that friendship.

I went out a few times with a co-worker and her friends, and while I'll admit that I'd give my left arm to be more than friends with her, she's just such a good person that I'll settle for friendship.

Addendum : If I can be a friend to a woman, barbie-doll girl or not, I'd go for it even with no prospect of a relationship beyond friendship. I'd also go out with a less than perfect woman if I feel comfortable with her and feel we can be happy together. Besides, I believe that only when you truly know someone can you decide if that person is truly beautiful or not. That friend I mention above and my crush are both decent looking women, but they're both beautiful to me for different reasons.


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## centrigal06 (Jun 21, 2006)

Ok, here's another question....I guess it kind of runs contradictory to my first question but oh well...I have had good friends who have split from their boyfriends and their boyfriends move onto girls who are even less attractive than them...which is odd to me because I percieve my friends to be attractive and have good personalities but then their ex's move onto girls who are less attractive and seem to like them better, maybe I'm just biased tho. cause they are my close friends...but I don't get it


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

centrigal06 said:


> Ok, here's another question....I guess it kind of runs contradictory to my first question but oh well...I have had good friends who have split from their boyfriends and their boyfriends move onto girls who are even less attractive than them...which is odd to me because I percieve my friends to be attractive and have good personalities but then their ex's move onto girls who are less attractive and seem to like them better, maybe I'm just biased tho. cause they are my close friends...but I don't get it


Well, there's other things besides physical attractiveness that can make you attractive, plus I don't think everybody judges physical attractiveness on the same scale anyway. In my case, I think what is physically attractive to me is somewhat out of sync with most other people. Occasionally somebody will post a link to HotorNot, and the ratings I give to the pictures are often way out of line with the general trend.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

silverstein said:


> Restless Mind said:
> 
> 
> > I think guys (or at least me) only form friendships with girls if they see them as a possible significant other. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. I know, kind of shallow, but people can tell pretty soon whether or not there is chemistry.
> ...


I guess you're right. I tend to forget that not everyone is as horny as I am. :cuddle


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## jer (Jun 16, 2009)

centrigal06 said:


> I've met some interesting guys who I've had fun hanging out with and they've seemed to have fun too but after a couple of times hanging out they don't seem interested in wanting to be friends anymore. I don't let anyone know I have SA and one on one with people I'm very outgoing, so I don't understand why they just up and disappear, I guess guys decide wether they are attracted to you or not and if they're not they don't talk to you anymore? I don't know. I'm not the greatest looking person, but I'm not ugly either...and I don't understand why guys can't just be friends with girls. It seems like if they don't think you're hot they're not interested in you at all. Anyone have any thoughts? :sigh


I know it is hard to analyze what went wrong when the other party is not going to tell you what's on their mind.

The only thing I can think of is that one of them might have made a romantic overture and you might have unknowingly rebuffed him.

I have had this problem for ever . Sometimes the friendship lasts only one conversation.


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## Catching Fire (Apr 23, 2009)

I'm a guy and don't have a problem being friends with girls and have friends who are girls. Also one girl I became friends with to try to go out with rejected me. I'm still good friends with her and don't talk to her any less then when I thought I had a chance. I also hooked up with one girl about a week ago. Sadly I couldn't pursue her because we are both going off to college very soon. I've also remained friends with her. So not all guys leave when they find out there are no romantic possibilities.


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