# Shy Encounter



## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I opened a stairway door to head down, and this girl I sometimes see (she does mail deliveries) was right there. She seems super shy, and I'm not exactly much of a talker at work too, and for a split-second we were like deer caught in headlights since we were right in each other's paths. I quietly said "hey," and she quietly responded in the same way. :lol

I love these moments. Two shy/quiet people kind of forced to interact before we both swiftly walk away. I just found it to be kind of funny. 

I'm glad I'm able to greet people though. Forced contact with TONS of people let me practice with eye contact and saying hello to people. Most people respond in the same way, and others avoid eye contact (for many potential reasons... mind on something else or they are anxious/uncomfortable, for example).


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

ardrum said:


> I'm glad I'm able to greet people though. Forced contact with TONS of people let me practice with eye contact and saying hello to people. Most people respond in the same way, and others avoid eye contact (for many potential reasons... mind on something else or they are anxious/uncomfortable, for example).


I've been practicing that too. There's this woman I always see jogging when I go back to school at lunch and I always make a note to smile at her. I do the same to people in school, saying hello and such. It's a nice feeling when they are friendly back (which is usually the case)


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

IllusionOfHappiness said:


> ardrum said:
> 
> 
> > I'm glad I'm able to greet people though. Forced contact with TONS of people let me practice with eye contact and saying hello to people. Most people respond in the same way, and others avoid eye contact (for many potential reasons... mind on something else or they are anxious/uncomfortable, for example).
> ...


Yeah, I tend to get more positive feedback than negative. It's usually either positive or neutral actually. I don't think anyone has ever acted offended, repulsed, annoyed, or bothered in any way. Considering I've probably greeted hundreds of people since this past summer, even a negative experience should be seen in light of those overall statistics.


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## IllusionOfHappiness (Sep 6, 2007)

Mhmm, realistically thinking, there is a very small chance someone will react negatively to politeness. So it's a great exercise I think. The first thing I did this morning when I entered my school was smile and say hello to two people I know from my classes. Neither seemed annoyed or angry.

And hey - since i started this, a few people actually say hello to ME instead. =)

Like they're returning the favor and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside haha.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Haha, yep!


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I always found that stuff easy to do. It's like a natural response to greet someone if you're in that kind of situation like you described. Now if we were stuck there together, then that would be the hard part, lol.


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

yea greeting people is an important part of overcoming anxiety i guess, im going to counsiling and im suppose to greet at least two people this week; which i havent done yet. but anyways if she's cute and single you should try and make something of it


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

alt1 said:


> yea greeting people is an important part of overcoming anxiety i guess, im going to counsiling and im suppose to greet at least two people this week; which i havent done yet. *but anyways if she's cute and single you should try and make something of it*


I can't really comprehend that. :stu


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

you cant comprehend, like you dont know how to approach her?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

It's hard to visualize or understand it in my imagination. With a lot of the areas in which I've improved anxiety-wise, I can imagine the situation, but I have an extraordinarily difficult time imagining talking with women for the purposes of some sort of date/romance. It's difficult to explain, but it's like the mind blocks it out involuntarily. 

I think I need to work on visualizations and comprehension before I even think about exposure when it comes to this.

I'm even a bit afraid of mentioning this to my therapist (first time I'll ever be seeing someone, this Friday). I think I'll highlight social isolation in general instead.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I thought ardrum meant by comprehend he didn't know what you meant by it. I would imagine that just passing someone on the stairs isn't really something that I would try to make a connection out of other then to greet them by a simple, Hi or Hey, and then keep walking.


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

well he said he ran into her on different occations, i dont know the situation but i assumed she wasnt a complete stranger he just said hi to, thus there could possibly be a connection without wierding the girl out..... and i know what you mean ardrum, you probably do need to work some things out before you start dating, seeing a counsilor is a great idea. I would also suggest, your therapist probably will too, seein a psychiatrist


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

ohh yea, first time at therapy they will usually ask you alot of questions and it probably wont take long for them to realize you are socially isolated, what im saying is as your therapy goes on dont hold anything back, its just you and your therapist no one else has to know anything


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I'm preparing ahead of time the major things I want to major sure to say. I think this will help out a bit, since I don't want to risk freezing up. I'd be willing to simply offer the fact that I'm isolated. My only friend here is moving to Chicago this weekend.

I don't know anything about that person at work, and I'm just not interested in pursuing anything to be perfectly honest. It's hard to develop interest without even really understanding the kind of interest you're supposed to have.


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

yea, dont pursue if your not interested for sure. But once you start overcoming your problems you have got to find someone, give yourself, and another, a chance to gain intrest in them. Having someone you can talk to can really help you out.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Oh yeah, I'm all for friendships and relationships on a platonic level. I'm just not feeling too ready for anything other than that.


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

yea thats cool; I dont understand were all abunch of silly, metabolizing chemical sacs, Do you not think people are more than that?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

It's kind of a joke. I like the phrase "metabolizing chemical sacs."


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## alt1 (Mar 30, 2008)

oh lol, howd your counciling appointment go?


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

alt1 said:


> oh lol, howd your counciling appointment go?


It went fine. It was basically just information-gathering though since it was the first time. I'll actually be assigned to a different therapist now, so then it might feel like a "real" first session.


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