# I have a crush on a MARRIED guy at my work!



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

...I'm in a huge dilemma. I got a job a week ago, and there's this really attractive guy there. He's JUST my type...tall, dark hair, dark eyes, nice (from what I can tell), outgoing, funny..he might be late 20s I believe...oh my god, I am head over heels at the moment.

Only problem is, I think he's MARRIED. I was eavesdropping on him talking to his friends, and he was like "my wife, so and so.." this friggin sucks! I haven't had a crush on a guy in 2+ YEARS...and damn, the first job that I find, I'll be stuck here for who knows how long, and he's the only decent one I have my sights set on...

So, the question is....do I pursue...or do I not? I don't really have a flippin problem with pursuing if he's married because I don't believe in it.

I have a plan too...for the past week I've been looking pretty crappy to say the least, but, if I just do my self up a little, wear a low cut top, wear a little extra makeup, do my hair nice, I can catch any guy....(for the past week, I've been wearing SWEATERS and baggy pants!!! ugh! )

What are your opinions on this? I really need help. I've been depressed for the past half year, and he's made me optimistic again...like literally, when I saw him today, he just brightened my whole mood.......I've been feeling suicidal and don't know where my life is going and so sh*ty lately it's not even funny.


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## jaymusic1992 (Dec 14, 2011)

i personally would persue it i think u should respect there relationship just put urself in his wife shoes .would u want some girl hittin on ur man??


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## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

Married plus he's a coworker, it's not worth it unless you want lots of drama for a few good moments.


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## Demerzel (Nov 13, 2003)

I wouldn't pursue it. Like jaymusic said, put urself in the wife's shoes. If he was the type to have a relationship w/ u, why would he stay w/ u if he'd cheat on his wife?


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## kreeper (May 21, 2008)

Don't pursue it. Like Demerzel said, if you did get this guy to ditch his wife for you, you would then be with a guy who is clearly not trustworthy. Whether you believe in marriage or not, it's a pretty safe assumption that this guy and his wife are in a close relationship with a serious commitment --- if he cheated on his wife, that would be a clear indication that he cannot be trusted to hold a commitment, especially one that, when broken, causes such heartbreak. I know it's easy for me to say all this, not having the crush, but really, pursuing this guy will only cause problems (too, think of how co-workers would view you if you were the girl who wrecked a marriage. Not that other peoples opinions should matter, but this could cause you a lot of distress at work). 

It sounds like you know you're an attractive girl --- I'm sure you'll be able to catch another guy that's just as amazing, who is also unattached.  I'm sorry about your tough situation.


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

No


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

married dating ain't my thang. i wouldn't do it.


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## TigerRifle1 (Jan 25, 2012)

Sounds like you should deal with your depression first. Relationships aren't cure-alls, what chance would you really have if you are depressed.


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## kreeper (May 21, 2008)

I think what Nada meant was that the amount of good that would come out of pursuing a married guy is outweighed by the amount of bad it would likely produce.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

calichick said:


> What are your opinions on this? I really need help. I've been depressed for the past half year, and he's made me optimistic again...like literally, when I saw him today, he just brightened my whole mood.......I've been feeling suicidal and don't know where my life is going and so sh*ty lately it's not even funny.


So he brightened your mood... and you're trying to repay him by making him go through a messy divorce that may or may not put HIM in depression?

I don't necessarily think married people are off-limits either, but if you really care about someone, you'll put their happiness above your own. It's not his problem you haven't had a crush in 2+ years. And honestly, it's not his problem either that you're suicidal without him.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

kreeper said:


> I think what Nada meant was that the amount of good that would come out of pursuing a married guy is outweighed by the amount of bad it would likely produce.


I'm hoping he's not married and I just overheard the wrong guy's voice. Cause I was already picturing what our kids would look like on the first day I met him LOL


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> So he brightened your mood... and you're trying to repay him by making him go through a messy divorce that may or may not put HIM in depression?
> 
> I don't necessarily think married people are off-limits either, but if you really care about someone, you'll put their happiness above your own. It's not his problem you haven't had a crush in 2+ years. And honestly, it's not his problem either that you're suicidal without him.


hahahahhah, you do realize how common divorce is right, like 2 out of every 3 people are going to get divorced eventually...and I'm not "suicidal" without him, I was feeling that way, but meeting him made me more optimistic because now I have a goal in mind..


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

So I guess when people say "don't be so selfish," they have people like you in mind. :roll


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

By the responds your giving to the other members, it look like your going to pursue him no matter what. My suggestion is like everybody else. Don't do it. Do it only if you want to waste your time. Plus, he works with you. Lol. Go ahead, "drip your pen in the company ink." Watch your not going to like the down fall IF he's MARRIED. 

Now, if he aint married, you can pursue him if you want to. If I was in your shoe and it was a dame that I like that I work with. I wouldn't pursue it. That's just my opinion. I'm the type that dont like mixing business with pleasure. The pleasure will jeopardize my cash flow. I dont need that. Plus, I believe there are plenty of fish in the water. There's always another one out that. So if one aint available, there are plenty that are. 

it's up to you.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rednosereindeer said:


> So I guess when people say "don't be so selfish," they have people like you in mind. :roll


How would it be selfish if he is into it? Isn't all love a little selfish in a way, I think it is.



rombow said:


> Plus, he works with you. Lol. Go ahead, "drip your pen in the company ink."
> it's up to you.


No actually he doesn't work with me at all. It's like two entirely different departments, I wouldn't even know him, if he didn't introduce himself to me. I never have to talk with him or come across him except when I'm passing his desk, which is the bright point of my day lmao



> By the responds your giving to the other members, it look like your going to pursue him no matter what.


yes that is true, but pursuing doesn't mean doing anything other than a little harmless flirting....I don't even know if I'll have the courage to do that.....it's so hard for me..


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Leave married men alone.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I would leave it alone. I don't know about anyone else but once I find a guy married I stay away from them meh. Unless he is willing to cheat then he's not really trustworthy.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I think we've moved past the debate whether I should do it or not part, to the give me advice on how to win him over part lmao

i can't believe I've ever been so excited for Monday to come around!!!!! He is really smart and intelligent and ambitious...he is like the perfect guy...


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

So sick. Hopefully if this guy is as great as you say he is then he won't cheat on his wife. Personally, no matter HOW hot the chick is, if I hear that she's in a relationship, most of the attraction I had towards her dies. Off limits. Plenty of other fish in the sea.


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## Buerhle (Mar 6, 2006)

Why did you ask then?

I think experiencing life is really important. But if he is married, it's a mistake.

But you already made up your mind anyways.


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## TigerRifle1 (Jan 25, 2012)

calichick said:


> hahahahhah, you do realize how common divorce is right, like 2 out of every 3 people are going to get divorced eventually...and I'm not "suicidal" without him, I was feeling that way, but meeting him made me more optimistic because now I have a goal in mind..


 The actual divorce rate is somewhere in the high thirties, once all age groups are factored in. The often reported high divorce rates are done by politicians and preachers in an attempt to exaggerate the supposed decline of American family values.


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

Is this what people mean when they say they don't believe in marriage? Complete disregard of another person's current relationship?

It just seems disrespectful to _him_.


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## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I don't want to be mean. But it just bothers me when people still go after someone that is already in a committed relationship even marriage like here. That's just what I feel.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

yeah man, thats a no no, dont be a homewrecker


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rymo said:


> Personally, no matter HOW hot the chick is, if I hear that she's in a relationship, most of the attraction I had towards her dies.


Really? For me it's like the opposite,.....in a relationship, he's off limits, that makes me want him EVEN MORE because it means a bigger chase.....I want everything I can't have because in my mind, nothing is impossible.



Whir said:


> Why did you ask then?


I was just venting my story here since I don't have anybody to discuss this with elsewhere...



TigerRifle1 said:


> The actual divorce rate is somewhere in the high thirties, once all age groups are factored in. The often reported high divorce rates are done by politicians and preachers in an attempt to exaggerate the supposed decline of American family values.


You don't need to listen to a politician or preacher to observe that. I bet that the majority of all of us here are more familiar with family and friends getting divorce, than the other way around. It is rare to find a happy couple that is in their first marriage. More rare than not. The connotation of family values does not only refer to a married couple that has never been divorced, how about the family values in the increasingly single households that are having children these days? Willingly unmarried?


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

So what if he takes you up on your advances? What does that say about his character, that he's willing to jump ship so fast? What kind of man does that? And what happens down the line when he grows tired of you too and wants the next pretty little thing that comes along? Is he going to resist that urge this time around?


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Caggee said:


> Is this what people mean when they say they don't believe in marriage? Complete disregard of another person's current relationship?
> 
> It just seems disrespectful to _him_.


haha that's a good one...when I say I don't believe in marriage, it means that I think claiming you will love someone consistently and persistently till death do you part is ABSURD. I think that if you have a connection with someone and it wears away over time that is almost natural. Or if you come across someone you have an instant spark with, a greater spark than your former partner.......I think that it is nature calling you........And the people that stay with their spouses or in their relationships even if it's not 100% binding them to it, not only by paper or whatever, but by free will, are doing a greater injustice to themselves and are cowards most of the time..

No, if anything it is disrespectful to her.. I mean I'm not going to force him and say LEAVE HER!!



Just Lurking said:


> So what if he takes you up on your advances? What does that say about his character, that he's willing to jump ship so fast? What kind of man does that? And what happens down the line when he grows tired of you too and wants the next pretty little thing that comes along? Is he going to resist that urge this time around?


I think the question you should be asking me, is when will I get bored and tired of him and want the next hot guy that peaks my interest....I become obsessed with men for a short while and then my interest kind of wanders since I have so little contact with men in my every day life, I put them on a pedestal immediately, but realize that there are so many options...

:yes


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

You are an awful person.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

elvin jones said:


> You are an awful person.


aw that's sweet


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Daaaaaamn, can't turn a ho into a housewife.


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## BarryLyndon (Jun 29, 2010)

Maybe next lifetime...


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Xtraneous said:


> Daaaaaamn, can't turn a ho into a housewife.


:con and.....where did it say that I wanted to be a housewife? PUKE


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## BananaCat (Jan 30, 2012)

This feeling of infatuation is a completely capricious sentiment and will likely be gone within the next month, if not sooner. It sounds like you barely know him. You might not be able to help the initial attraction you had to him, but now that you know he's in a committed relationship, it's time to be rational and let go. As someone else said, there are plenty of people out there for you to meet.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

calichick said:


> :con and.....where did it say that I wanted to be a housewife? PUKE


I didn't even read your post, lol. That just makes it funnier, tho it would be hilarious if she found out and fought you.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

TigerRifle1 said:


> Sounds like you should deal with your depression first. Relationships aren't cure-alls, what chance would you really have if you are depressed.


I think there is just an infatuation there - still, do NOT pursue it.



calichick said:


> What do you mean a few good moments, what would make you think I only want a few good moments
> 
> On a side note, I just remembered I have access to everyone's finances and info and that way I can check if he is in fact married....evil..


Trust me, pursuing it would be a BAD idea. Why in the world would you want a married man? He's married for a reason.



calichick said:


> I'm hoping he's not married and I just overheard the wrong guy's voice. Cause I was already picturing what our kids would look like on the first day I met him LOL


 I would stop picturing the children with him. It's only a setup for disaster. There are plenty of available men out there.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Xtraneous said:


> I didn't even read your post, lol. That just makes it funnier, tho it would be hilarious if she found out and fought you.


You didn't have to read my post to make that assumption. you can read the title can't you "I have a crush on a married guy at my work".

I guess that just screams I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE....

housewife is a sexist term anyway, who uses it in 2012..no one


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

BananaCat said:


> This feeling of infatuation is a completely capricious sentiment and will likely be gone within the next month, if not sooner. It sounds like you barely know him. You might not be able to help the initial attraction you had to him, but now that you know he's in a committed relationship, it's time to be rational and let go. As someone else said, there are plenty of people out there for you to meet.


the problem is we spend about what? 2/3 of our lives at work...hence....why I am so interested..you see..

I work with a bunch of girls in my department so THATS no fun.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> I would stop picturing the children with him. It's only a setup for disaster. There are plenty of available men out there.


lol...it's an automatic instinct. I can't help it!


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## BananaCat (Jan 30, 2012)

Yes, much of our lives are spent working, but I think another thing to consider is the fact that you've been there for one week. I think this may be something to discuss in counseling. To be honest, this type of impulsive decision-making sounds like a deep-seated problem that I'm guessing affects other areas of your life. I don't know you or what you've been through, but there is a lot you can do to help your depression and trying to force your way into the heart of a married practical stranger is not the way to do it. I almost feel like this is an April Fool's joke or something to see what people will say in response to such an obviously irrational decision.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

U know what its a common thing...my sister too ahs acrush on his senior..but she knows that what her limit is..having a crush isnt a sin...i have many crushes on married Actors ...thats doesnt mean I want to live with them..
if u run from this job ..may be there are cahnces u will find another men who is married on some othe rwork palce...
so there is no sense if u run from ur job..it takes nothing..u try to resist him as wide as possible....


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

It looks like you make this thread in the hope that at least someone would agree that it's okay to do bad things if you feel like it.


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

Wow. You seem like such a sweet person. Omg, women like you *shakes head*


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## Wicked (Feb 17, 2012)

Soo... from what I've gathered, you like the chase. You're going to chase this married man in hopes he'll pursue you. Once you have him chasing you you'll get bored and leave him behind. I hate women like you.... You're essentially wrecking a marriage for sport.

If it's just a crush and you don't do anything about it then it's fine I guess. However it's obvious you have every intention of going after him. I hope you fail, but if you happen to succeed you better pray his wife doesn't find out and she is nothing like me.


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## rambo (Nov 14, 2010)

lol. by the responds your giving lol. U seem like a cool chick except for the i-wanna-mess-with-a-married-man (but I understand a bit. Your in a company pack with pure fish. Basically a fish department. So I see why your a bit like this. Plus you haven't be drawn to somebody like this in a while)... Anyway, keep me update. I wanna see what happen.

Also, I like how you try to resist dripping your pen in the company ink by saying there's different department. Yall still in the same building anyway. Yall still going to pass each other. Yall still going to be around other people that seen yall together. Gossip can start. Rumors can start (or FACTS that are damaging can start. Can you handle that?) etc. Iknow what your going to do anyway. So imma shut up right now and zip my mouth up like a zip lock bag. Keep me up to date if you wanna. I'm curious.


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## Sam1911 (Dec 4, 2010)

this is why I wear a wedding band, chicks love married guys :yes:yes


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

calichick said:


> haha that's a good one...when I say I don't believe in marriage, it means that I think claiming you will love someone consistently and persistently till death do you part is ABSURD.


While it's a commonly-used wedding vow, promising 'till death do us part' is _not_ something you are required to say when getting married. So perhaps it is an absurd thing to guarantee another person, but that is unrelated to what the actual gist of marriage is. (Heavily opinionated.)



calichick said:


> I think that if you have a connection with someone and it wears away over time that is almost natural. Or if you come across someone you have an instant spark with, a greater spark than your former partner.......I think that it is nature calling you........And the people that stay with their spouses or in their relationships even if it's not 100% binding them to it, not only by paper or whatever, but by free will, are doing a greater injustice to themselves and are cowards most of the time..


I do agree that it is an injustice to themselves when they stay with someone they no longer love. It is usually uncomfortable for both parties and there's (again, usually) no good reason for it. That leads me to wonder... You're going after a man who you consider, judging by what you have just said and assuming he is going to respond positively to you, cowardly enough to stay with a woman he doesn't love? If he's just settling for her until he meets someone that catches his eye, perhaps that is even more cowardly because he is waiting for an _excuse_ to leave her ("I'm sorry, I can't help that I fell in love", "There was just this spark between us", or insert reason). That doesn't seem like much of a challenge in the first place.



calichick said:


> No, if anything it is disrespectful to her.. I mean I'm not going to force him and say LEAVE HER!!


I suppose I shouldn't have gone so far as saying it's disrespectful to him, considering that would depend so heavily on his values and if he is the type of man to decline your advances. &Yes, disrespectful towards her as well. I rather mean that it is discourteous towards their relationship as a whole.

&Of course, arguing over something that is a matter of opinion is pointless.... but sometimes I find it hard to resist.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Ashley1990 said:


> U know what its a common thing...my sister too ahs acrush on his senior..but she knows that what her limit is..having a crush isnt a sin...i have many crushes on married Actors ...thats doesnt mean I want to live with them..
> if u run from this job ..may be there are cahnces u will find another men who is married on some othe rwork palce...
> so there is no sense if u run from ur job..it takes nothing..u try to resist him as wide as possible....


haha I always love your advice :b



Rufus said:


> It looks like you make this thread in the hope that at least someone would agree that it's okay to do bad things if you feel like it.


looks like that isn't the first time someone has said that to me...guess it's true then



Koolio said:


> Wow. You seem like such a sweet person. Omg, women like you *shakes head*


I am a sweet person, that's the beauty of it, you never know what goes on in someone's head. I am like an angel in real life.. the internet is like a crazy dumpster for all my true feelings as I'm sure for everyone else's



wickedlovely said:


> Soo... from what I've gathered, you like the chase. You're going to chase this married man in hopes he'll pursue you. Once you have him chasing you you'll get bored and leave him behind. I hate women like you.... You're essentially wrecking a marriage for sport.


Um no, I don't treat it as a sport, I listen to my head and my heart and right now it's saying, I WANT THIS GUY. Whatever my head/heart tells me to do...Not just for the fun of whatever you were saying.


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## Ashley1990 (Aug 27, 2011)

calichick said:


> haha I always love your advice :b


Thanks I just want to tell u..dnt just think aths u r wrong..it happens..my sister is stuck in same condition..but that doesnt mean that she wants to get that man ..just concentrate on work..tahts a common thing in offices..i have too worked in three places ...i understand how it feels..

at one time u feel so greay for being crushy on that man n secondly u hate urself for this too..isnt it....
I take u as my sister today..u can share anything with me reagrding this..
n pls ls pls..dnt let this above posts hinder ur mental silence...
I dnta gree with that hot chick crush on married man..
this is just an accident..no gauy is labelled married on his forehead..so consider it has a stupid mistake n let go off ur head...:yes


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I have been trying to come up with something that accurately describes how much the OP disgusts me, but it's almost beyond words. And she even seems to get off on the negative attention here. What a vomitous human being.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rombow said:


> lol. by the responds your giving lol. U seem like a cool chick


I'd like to think I am



> Anyway, keep me update. I wanna see happen.


 I will



> Also, I like how you try to resist dripping your pen in the company ink by saying there's different department. Yall still in the same building anyway. Yall still going to pass each other. Yall still going to be around other people that seen yall together. Gossip can start. Rumors can start (or FACTS that are damaging can start. Can you handle that?) etc. Iknow what your going to do anyway.


LOL I like you already hey.....this is funny....yes actually we are literally like 35 feet away from eachother haha, but different divisions in the office...you know....I don't know what I'm going to do so it kind of scares me that you know what I'm going to do..

what's weird is, my horoscope online has been right for this entire past month...maybe I will check it now for advice on my love life


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## Zypherus (Mar 30, 2012)

If you pursue him wouldn't that make you a home-wrecker? Não bom... muito ruim


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## Daft (Jan 5, 2012)

Girls shouldn't go for a guy who'd mess around behind his girl's back for her, and guys shouldn't go a for a girl who'd disrespect his marriage. I really hope he's not only not the type to mess around, but also the type with enough self-respect to not go for women who'd try to tempt him out for their own personal gain in the first place.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Sam1911 said:


> this is why I wear a wedding band, chicks love married guys :yes:yes


Oh crap I totally forgot bout checking his hand for a ring!! haha good thinking..jesssuuus, I was looking everywhere online for his info....facepalm moment


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Caggee said:


> While it's a commonly-used wedding vow, promising 'till death do us part' is _not_ something you are required to say when getting married. So perhaps it is an absurd thing to guarantee another person, but that is unrelated to what the actual gist of marriage is. (Heavily opinionated.)


YEA well the actual gist of marriage was "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife" until recent years, where they added a "same sex" clause so what exactly is marriage besides an outdated institution eh? Times are changing....you can't stop it..



> You're going after a man who you consider, judging by what you have just said and assuming he is going to respond positively to you, cowardly enough to stay with a woman he doesn't love? If he's just settling for her until he meets someone that catches his eye, perhaps that is even more cowardly because he is waiting for an _excuse_ to leave her ("I'm sorry, I can't help that I fell in love", "There was just this spark between us", or insert reason). That doesn't seem like much of a challenge in the first place.


I did not say being a coward was the only path...I also mentioned finding a greater spark with someone or a natural separation...get it?



rymo said:


> And she even seems to get off on the negative attention here. What a vomitous human being.


I don't see it as negative attention that's where we differ, I see it as "misinformed opinions" of others. Jus cause you don't agree with someone else's actions doesn't make them wrong!



Zypherus said:


> If you pursue him wouldn't that make you a home-wrecker? Não bom... muito ruim


english please


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

calichick said:


> YEA WELL the actual gist of marriage was "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife" until recent years, where they added a "same sex" clause so what exactly is marriage besides an outdated institution eh? Times are changing....you can't stop it..


Er, what? You went pretty off track with that. The only thing adding a "same sex" clause would change about that definition would be the wording, making it "the social institution under which two people establish their decision to live as spouses". That doesn't make marriage outdated, that makes it evolved. It doesn't change the rudimentary point of getting married, at all.

Edit;

Also, were you trying to imply that just because I value marriage that I would be against same sex marriage? Two people progressing as a bonded couple has nothing to with gender, and allowing two people of the same sex to do this would not deteriorate it's meaning at all. ...I'm just repeating myself now, ahh... Anywho, isn't it a bit funny that the word 'assumption' has the word '***' in it?
-hypocrite-



calichick said:


> I did not say being a coward was the only path...I also mentioned finding a greater spark with someone or a natural separation...get it?


I 'get it', but I do not get how what you are saying solely contradicts what I said.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

calichick said:


> Um no, I don't treat it as a sport, I listen to my head and my heart and right now it's saying, I WANT THIS GUY. Whatever my head/heart tells me to do...Not just for the fun of whatever you were saying.


....but feelings can LIE. SAers should know this with all the "what if" thinking we do in our worry.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

calichick said:


> Oh crap I totally forgot bout checking his hand for a ring!! haha good thinking..jesssuuus, I was looking everywhere online for his info....facepalm moment


Did you check FB yet to see if he's on there and possibly has a wife? If he does, then of course, people can and will say what they want. But even if he does have a wife, imo, it'd be selfish to keep him for yourself just because he's a great catch and you're attracted to him, even though he's married.


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## Demerzel (Nov 13, 2003)

I'm not sure if u're trolling or looking for attention. If u're serious, I hope someday u can find close & rewarding relationships instead of endlessly chasing "happiness" without regard for others. I hope all the depressed people out there can find meaningful & happy life paths.


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

Demerzel said:


> *I'm not sure if u're trolling or looking for attention. If u're serious, I hope someday u can find close & rewarding relationships instead of endlessly chasing "happiness" without regard for others.* I hope all the depressed people out there can find meaningful & happy life paths.


Aye, this. Well-spoken.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

First time I ever heard of a homewrecker on SAS....lol


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)




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## UgShy (Mar 6, 2012)

If a woman knew i was with someone and pursued me.. i would find that very unattractive. You know if this backfires you may disgust him? I'm surprised to have found something like this on these forums YIKES


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Caggee said:


> It doesn't change the rudimentary point of getting married, at all.


and it doesn't change the fact that I don't believe in marriage. I think that if people placed less of this holy grail on the marriage thing, then if it failed, there wouldn't be so much drama and divorce wouldn't be associated with failure and sin, and it WOULD be possible for couples that split to remain cordial and even friendly with eachother which most of the time does not happen because one party is embittered....

See, the original point of marriage was to sign a business contract between families. Only after many years did sentimental and emotional value get attached to it, as you can see so many people in this thread are over sensitive to the issue because of fairy tale stories ingrained in their minds, they forgot to act on basic instincts and are just substituting lack of mindfulness for what's fed to them since a young age



millenniumman75 said:


> ....but feelings can LIE. SAers should know this with all the "what if" thinking we do in our worry.


I don't really think I have feelings as of now, it's purely libido lol



sanria22 said:


> Did you check FB yet to see if he's on there and possibly has a wife? .


Yes he doesn't have a FB and the pics of him online on other sites don't include a woman in them, so here's hoping



Demerzel said:


> I hope someday u can find close & rewarding relationships instead of endlessly chasing "happiness" without regard for others.


I don't chase happiness. I'm not one of those people who goes out of their way to find a date. Or goes out of their way to do anything for that matter, I like to ride the wave of life....U know as they say, when you're least expecting it, you will find it..


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

calichick said:


> I don't see it as negative attention that's where we differ, I see it as "misinformed opinions" of others. Jus cause you don't agree with someone else's actions doesn't make them wrong!


Except that you are greatly outnumbered in your opinion. Notice no one has encouraged this behavior thus far. We may have a true narcissist in our midst.


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## HammerAndLife (Mar 17, 2012)

Wow, I've made mistakes, and I've felt pretty terrible, but you make me feel much less worse about myself.


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## HammerAndLife (Mar 17, 2012)

Ospi said:


>


:lol Reece xD


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rufus said:


> Notice no one has encouraged this behavior thus far.


well duh, no one is going to openly admit that they have cheated or would cheat (or even know if they would cheat if the opportunity arose)....so conservative here on SAS



HammerAndLife said:


> Wow, I've made mistakes, and I've felt pretty terrible, but you make me feel much less worse about myself.


 I have a pretty great life, so tell yourself what you need to to get on with yours, but it's sad really if u need to compare yours to someone else's to make yourself feel better...


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## HammerAndLife (Mar 17, 2012)

calichick said:


> I have a pretty great life, so tell yourself what you need to to get on with yours, but it's sad really if u need to compare yours to someone else's to make yourself feel better...


What can I say? I'm a sad person lol


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## HammerAndLife (Mar 17, 2012)

I was just pointing out your apparent complete and utter lack of moral backbone. I'm not going to sit here and throw stones in glass houses, and don't feel like I was personally attacking you (you're just text on my screen after all) but people are pointing out why it is 'wrong' for you to do such things and you're justifying why it isn't and suggesting it is perhaps the 'right' thing to do. If you feel that way inclined then there is no need to be here having everyone tell you what you already know they're going to say.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

calichick said:


> I have a pretty great life





> I've been depressed for the past half year, and he's made me optimistic again...like literally, when I saw him today, he just brightened my whole mood.......I've been feeling suicidal and don't know where my life is going and so sh*ty lately it's not even funny.


It doesn't sound like you actually believe you do.
It sounds like you're just using him as an escape from how you've been feeling.
Not only is it disrespectful of him to be trying anything, you're setting yourself up to get seriously hurt.
If you have been using this to escape your feelings, they'll come back quickly and a lot stronger.
This is an incredibly bad idea for everybody involved; yourself included, but you ignore everybody telling you this.



> so conservative here on SAS


Respecting other people's decisions and feelings has nothing to do with being conservative.
And not caring about other people's feelings but just using them for your own advantage doesn't make you progressive, it just makes you heartless.
You don't want to be that person.


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## HammerAndLife (Mar 17, 2012)

Milco said:


> It doesn't sound like you actually believe you do.
> It sounds like you're just using him as an escape from how you've been feeling.
> Not only is it disrespectful of him to be trying anything, you're setting yourself up to get seriously hurt.
> If you have been using this to escape your feelings, they'll come back quickly and a lot stronger.
> ...


You've basically summed it up really well.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Milco said:


> It doesn't sound like you actually believe you do.


having a great life doesn't mean I don't have mental issues. I bet we all have great lives here, loving families, stable income, houses, cars, jobs, it's essentially a great life. The psychological issues sometimes are senseless in the whole wake of things. Sure I sometimes think life would be easier if I wasn't living it, and being so uncertain about the future is easily depressing, not knowing anything about what lies ahead...


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

Sorry for the sloppiness, it's a bit early and I haven't gone to bed...~



calichick said:


> and it doesn't change the fact that I don't believe in marriage.


It is none of my concern what changes the fact that you don't believe in marriage, but it is the equivelent of saying you don't believe in intimate relationships as a whole. ...And as I mentioned a few responses ago, arguing with opinions is a battle rarely won by either party, so I am by no means trying to make you believe that marriage is anything special (all the more if you don't believe in intimacy altogether). I merely suggest you respect the boundaries of people who _do_ consider marriage something special (which is not all married individuals, by any means). But again, I have no conviction that anything said to you would affect your opinion on the matter.



calichick said:


> I think that if people placed less of this holy grail on the marriage thing, then if it failed, there wouldn't be so much drama and divorce wouldn't be associated with failure and sin, and it WOULD be possible for couples that split to remain cordial and even friendly with eachother which most of the time does not happen because one party is embittered....


But are all relationships not the same way? If a couple breaks up and both parties continue to be perfect buddies, that would make it seem as if their relationship was not on a higher emotional level in the first place. (More opinion, of course, and also a completely wasted statement if you hold no emotional value in relationships.)

It would most definitely be less dramatic if there would be no ideals of higher intimacy in marriages, but that could be extended to emotions in whole. I cannot speak for anyone else, but it would defeat the purpose of it all for me. I fail to see the point in even establishing a family, if not for the emotional value, in our current society where it is not necessary to breed for the continuation of our species.



calichick said:


> See, the original point of marriage was to sign a business contract between families. Only after many years did sentimental and emotional value get attached to it, as you can see so many people in this thread are over sensitive to the issue because of fairy tale stories ingrained in their minds, they forgot to act on basic instincts and are just substituting lack of mindfulness for what's fed to them since a young age


I do not care about the origin of marriage (though its origin is fairly obvious and I would hardly need you to inform me of it), I care about the relationships that forge one and what it resembles in our current society. I repeat myself and remind you that I believe in the evolution of marriage, which should lead you to already think I would approve of it progressing towards a more passionate meaning.

That seems very strange of you to say they are sensitive to the issue because of fairy tale stories. It makes it seem like those are _your_ reservations.

Also, I fear I will not be able to continue our conversation for very long if your ethics are purely carnal. :C The little sentimentalities and bonds between people that life provides are the whole world to me, and because I hold this view I'm certain I will find myself making the same points to you over and over again, especially when I never had more than one point to make in the first place... Nevertheless, it is unfortunate for you (again, from my beliefs) if such is the case. I couldn't imagine such a gluttonous and solitary existence. On a brightside, I suppose you might not even feel lonely if you were emotionally detached enough... O;

I hate when I end up using the same words over and over again, it looks so repetitive and annoying.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

calichick said:


> having a great life doesn't mean I don't have mental issues. I bet we all have great lives here, loving families, stable income, houses, cars, jobs, it's essentially a great life. The psychological issues sometimes are senseless in the whole wake of things. Sure I sometimes think life would be easier if I wasn't living it, and being so uncertain about the future is easily depressing, not knowing anything about what lies ahead...


Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really using your quote to in the context you had made it in, so I guess that wasn't completely fair.
But I do not consider my life great exactly because of my emotional problems.
There is every chance that this will only make your emotional problems worse among other bad things.
I'm pretty sure I've gotten crushes just to escape my own loneliness or feeling of emptiness and it sounds like you're doing the same. 
Fantasies can be fun, but when they involve other people, you have to be really careful what you're doing. And when reality comes back, it hits you hard in the face.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Whoever said narcissist...totally agree. She doesn't believe in marriage so she believes she has the right to interfere with others who DO. It's like, I'm an atheist but im not going around preaching about how there's no god to people who do believe, all for a thrill or personal gain. It's insensitive, obnoxious, and completely devoid of empathy or consideration.

Also, she is so set in her ways that she refuses to even consider the opinions of others and even makes endless excuses to justify her actions. With the previous example, if someone presented me with a well-thought out argument for why God exists, I would at the very least listen and consider all of their points. Now, that example is very heady and philosophical and spiritual and all that. However, the marriage thing is more grounded in everyday life and common sense and yet she still has no regard for it or others who believe in it! Sick.

Completely out for her own satisfaction without regard for others. I saw the hunger games last night and someone brought in a baby in a stroller. A baby in a mother ****ing stroller. That thing cried for half the movie. OP is exactly the type of person who would do something like that.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

rymo said:


> Whoever said narcissist...totally agree. She doesn't believe in marriage so she believes she has the right to interfere with others who DO. It's like, I'm an atheist but im not going around preaching about how there's no god to people who do believe, all for a thrill or personal gain. It's insensitive, obnoxious, and completely devoid of empathy or consideration.
> 
> Also, she is so set in her ways that she refuses to even consider the opinions of others and even makes endless excuses to justify her actions. With the previous example, if someone presented me with a well-thought out argument for why God exists, I would at the very least listen and consider all of their points. Now, that example is very heady and philosophical and spiritual and all that. However, the marriage thing is more grounded in everyday life and common sense and yet she still has no regard for it or others who believe in it! Sick.
> 
> Completely out for her own satisfaction without regard for others. I saw the hunger games last night and someone brought in a baby in a stroller. A baby in a mother ****ing stroller. That thing cried for half the movie. OP is exactly the type of person who would do something like that.


I think it's extreme to say the OP is a narcissist. People cheat all the time in North America and try to justify it to boot. It's one thing to be self-serving. But narcissists are an extreme outlier.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Naw I wouldn't cheat, and no I believe in undying love for people, but if she cheats she's going to get kicked out and live on the streets. But in all seriousness, OP can believe whatever she believes, but I find it wrong that people would cheat, then again it may be that I hold loyalty more so then what it appears other people do so here.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

wickedlovely said:


> You're essentially wrecking a marriage for sport.


Not really. From what _I_'ve gathered, she's doing it to help build her personal self-esteem with hurting the wife and the guy as an inevitable side effect, which is somewhat better than doing it to directly hurt the wife or the guy. Not by much, though.

Anyway, I'll never understand how some people would actually take pride in doing things most people would be ashamed of. She reminds me of the lady I heard on the radio the other day, who brags about having to ask her parents for money every month as an adult. Why? Why would anyone brag about something like that?



> I'm surprised to have found something like this on these forums YIKES


And they say SASers are nicer and more considerate than the average person...


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

phoenixwright said:


> I think it's extreme to say the OP is a narcissist. People cheat all the time in North America and try to justify it to boot. It's one thing to be self-serving. But narcissists are an extreme outlier.


Try to justify it to their significant others, maybe. To try and justify it to a group of random internet people who all disagree and then not even take into account anything that they are saying is totally narcissistic. But I'm not going to get hung up on labels because regardless of what you want to call it anyone who cheats or messes with someone who is already involved and thinks that's OKAY is either incredibly immature or very selfish with a big dose of not giving a **** about other people.


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## kanra (Nov 27, 2011)

rymo said:


> I have been trying to come up with something that accurately describes how much the OP disgusts me, but it's almost beyond words. And she even seems to get off on the negative attention here. What a vomitous human being.


I second that.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

Guys...yhbt. Every single one of the OP's posts are so obviously meant to get some kind of shock value reaction.


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## Mind in Flight (Feb 24, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> I think it's extreme to say the OP is a narcissist. *People cheat all the time in North America and try to justify it to boot.* It's one thing to be self-serving. But narcissists are an extreme outlier.


Just because it's common doesn't mean it's any less horrible - it's still extremely selfish.

@OP I say go for it! :yes I hope any married man finds your advances as disgusting as I would, then maybe next time you see someone you fancy you won't disrespect their relationship (if they're in one). And on the off chance he does go after you, I hope you'll at least let the wife know after. If he's only a little older than you, I'm guessing he's only been married for a little while, so, although I feel sorry for the wife, it's probably better she knows now what kind of man she married than 20-30 years down the road.

And regarding your plan to do yourself up a little, make sure you stay within the dress code at your work.


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## Bunyip (Feb 6, 2012)

au Lait said:


> Guys...yhbt. Every single one of the OP's posts are so obviously meant to get some kind of shock value reaction.


I agreee

...but I'm just wasting my life anyway so why not reply ;`;


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

calichick said:


> well duh, no one is going to openly admit that they have cheated or would cheat (or even know if they would cheat if the opportunity arose)....so conservative here on SAS


conservative? no its just that people know the difference between right and wrong, but hey its just advice were givin you, go out there and do whatever the **** you wanna dooooooooooo!


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## GotAnyGrapes (Dec 7, 2011)

> See, the original point of marriage was to sign a business contract between families. Only after many years did sentimental and emotional value get attached to it, as you can see so many people in this thread are over sensitive to the issue because of fairy tale stories ingrained in their minds, they forgot to act on basic instincts and are just substituting lack of mindfulness for what's fed to them since a young age


What a load of nonsense.

Lets just keep it simple here before we start talking about how different religions and cultures deal with marriage. So lets keep it very simple here, 2 people get married because at that moment of time in their lifes, they loved each other and got married as a sign to show each other just how much they loved the other.

It really is that simple. Your view comes across as very immature, I'm just waiting for a "well thats what my great great gran told me people get married for!".



> having a great life doesn't mean I don't have mental issues. I bet we all have great lives here, loving families, stable income, houses, cars, jobs, it's essentially a great life.


Sorry but no, having a great life is measured by your overall happiness, not money. Clearly your life isn't great if your thinking about killing your self.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Interesting.

I seem to have a different view on pursuing married people than most people here. I would never ever ever do it, but I think it's fine if other single people do. I think it's the responsibility of the person in the relationship to fend them off and not go around cheating. If you made the commitment, you live up to it - a single person hasn't ever made a commitment to not go around chasing married guys. Yes, it's socially frowned upon to chase married guys, but I still think the onus lies on the one with the ring on his finger.

If he tells her to get lost when the OP flirts with him, good for him for sticking to his commitment. if he doesn't, congrats OP, you caught yourself a scumbag.


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## billeh (Mar 28, 2007)

If a person cheats WITH you, they will cheat ON you. Just keep that in mind.
So if the guy is willing, you two deserve each other. Despicable.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

au Lait said:


> Guys...yhbt. Every single one of the OP's posts are so obviously meant to get some kind of shock value reaction.


I don't understand what that has to do with anything..I actually have a crush on a guy at my work and I'm going to try to seduce him. If you think that has shock value, you might want to look around, this happens in just about every office.



Caggee said:


> It would most definitely be less dramatic if there would be no ideals of higher intimacy in marriages, but that could be extended to emotions in whole. I cannot speak for anyone else, but it would defeat the purpose of it all for me. I fail to see the point in even establishing a family, if not for the emotional value, in our current society where it is not necessary to breed for the continuation of our species.


So getting married is now establishing a family? False. How is a married couple any different from an unmarried couple, besides the legal differrences...how does it make the relationship any differrent? There are no ideals of higher intimacy in marriages, if anything there is lower intimacy in marriages....

Are you married?



> I believe in the evolution of marriage, which should lead you to already think I would approve of it progressing towards a more passionate meaning.


Funny you use that word, passionate, so you are saying that relationships should progress towards passion, governed by intense emotion/feeling, led by your DESIRES.....I think that is what I was getting at earlier...Passion does not limit itself and it cannot be limited.



> That seems very strange of you to say they are sensitive to the issue because of fairy tale stories. It makes it seem like those are _your_ reservations.


I don't have any reservations lmao...I'm a very open minded person..



> Also, I fear I will not be able to continue our conversation for very long if your ethics are purely carnal. :C The little sentimentalities and bonds between people that life provides are the whole world to me


But you JUST said you believe in progressing towards passion....What you mean to say is that "dutiful and unyielding faith" from a partner means the world to you.


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## AnxiousA (Oct 31, 2011)

Perfectionist said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I seem to have a different view on pursuing married people than most people here. I would never ever ever do it, but I think it's fine if other single people do. I think it's the responsibility of the person in the relationship to fend them off and not go around cheating. If you made the commitment, you live up to it - a single person hasn't ever made a commitment to not go around chasing married guys. Yes, it's socially frowned upon to chase married guys, but I still think the onus lies on the one with the ring on his finger.
> 
> If he tells her to get lost when the OP flirts with him, good for him for sticking to his commitment. if he doesn't, congrats OP, you caught yourself a scumbag.


The way I see it, it is like dieting. It is your responsibility to stick with it, but it is unkind, selfish and thoughtless for someone to continually attempt to tempt you or undermine you and keep offering/pressuring you to eat cake. I think marriage should be assumed as a statement of not wanting to be persued (I know it isn't always, but I think that should be the presumption) and people should respect that.


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## ohgodits2014 (Mar 18, 2011)

AnxiousA said:


> The way I see it, it is like dieting. It is your responsibility to stick with it, but it is *unkind, selfish and thoughtless* for someone to continually attempt to tempt you or undermine you and keep offering/pressuring you to eat cake.


+1

I think it's fine if OP had a genuine connection with someone who happens to be married but who is in a loveless/unhappy marriage, but to actively pursue a guy who's mostly happy with his situation fully aware that she only wants him until she finds a hotter guy? And to then act as if there was nothing wrong with using another human being because, after all, it wasn't like she held a gun to his head and force him into cheating with her on his wife?

Suddenly, the word "sociopath" comes to mind.


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## Ventura (May 5, 2009)

You seem like you like the thrill.... And yet some married guys like the thrill too, and think it's hot to cheat *sigh*. It's just dishonest. I am hoping this guy is decent, and is worthy to his wife. 

I'm sure if the tables where turned- you'd not be really happy


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## Meta14 (Jan 22, 2012)

At least you can take solace in the fact that your SA will prevent you from talking to him.


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## GotAnyGrapes (Dec 7, 2011)

> If you think that has shock value, you might want to look around, this happens in just about every office.


Funny how your trying to make out like its the norm and everyones at it lol. Either way you'll be seen as _that_ woman, so more power to you.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

rymo said:


> It's like, I'm an atheist but im not going around preaching about how there's no god to people who do believe, all for a thrill or personal gain. It's insensitive, obnoxious, and completely devoid of empathy or consideration.


That analogy isn't consistent, I'm not talking about theories and abstract concepts which don't ever manifest themselves.....If we are dealing with actions, and abiding by what you believe in, you should be saying "I'm an atheist but I still abstain from gambling, having premarital sex, indulging in excess food and alcohol because I respect the Christian laws"....NOT...You sir, are probably doing a great disrespect to Christianity every day.

Now what if I'm not "preaching" anything to anyone and just being my NORMAL self, it doesn't quite qualify as being "insensitive, obnoxious and completely devoid of empathy or consideration" lolololol....am I forcing anyone to do anything? Am I that powerful? I didn't know...



> Also, she is so set in her ways that she refuses to even consider the opinions of others and even makes endless excuses to justify her actions.


 How do you know I'm not considering it? Or that I haven't already?



Meta14 said:


> At least you can take solace in the fact that your SA will prevent you from talking to him.


yea but he is very extroverted and he comes by my desk every day...



> Anyway, I'll never understand how some people would actually take pride in doing things most people would be ashamed of. She reminds me of the lady I heard on the radio the other day, who brags about having to ask her parents for money every month as an adult. Why? Why would anyone brag about something like that?


LOL wtf with these analogies



> And they say SASers are nicer and more considerate than the average person...


I disagree with that, some people here are very bitter from their social awkwardness . I think the "average" person without SA is actually more friendly for obvious reasons



rymo said:


> To try and justify it to a group of random internet people who all disagree and then not even take into account anything that they are saying is totally narcissistic.


I wasn't aware that talking about controversial subjects on the internet was narcissistic. I think that's the whole point of the internet, for you to discuss things you wouldn't talk about in real life with friends or family.



Mind in Flight said:


> .
> :yes I hope any married man finds your advances as disgusting as I would, then maybe next time you see someone you fancy you won't disrespect their relationship (if they're in one).


That's news to me: Married Men find Advances from Pretty Girls to be Disgusting...Sounds like a Yahoo news article LOL



> And regarding your plan to do yourself up a little, make sure you stay within the dress code at your work.


I am, I already have my whole outfit planned out. I have this top, it is my secret weapon top....it is not too low cut, but soft and clingy and makes my boobs look bigger...Whenever I wear it, guys ask me out, no joke!


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## prow (May 8, 2010)

"I have a crush on a MARRIED guy at my work!" - Then leave it at that. 'Nuff said.


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

rymo said:


> Whoever said narcissist...totally agree. She doesn't believe in marriage so she believes she has the right to interfere with others who DO. It's like, I'm an atheist but im not going around preaching about how there's no god to people who do believe, all for a thrill or personal gain.* It's insensitive, obnoxious, and completely devoid of empathy or consideration.*
> 
> *Also, she is so set in her ways that she refuses to even consider the opinions of others and even makes endless excuses to justify her actions.* With the previous example, if someone presented me with a well-thought out argument for why God exists, *I would at the very least listen and consider all of their points.* Now, that example is very heady and philosophical and spiritual and all that. However, the marriage thing is more grounded in everyday life and common sense and *yet she still has no regard for it or others who believe in it! Sick.*
> 
> Completely out for her own satisfaction without regard for others. I saw the hunger games last night and someone brought in a baby in a stroller. A baby in a mother ****ing stroller. That thing cried for half the movie. OP is exactly the type of person who would do something like that.





Perfectionist said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I seem to have a different view on pursuing married people than most people here. I would never ever ever do it, but I think it's fine if other single people do. *I think it's the responsibility of the person in the relationship to fend them off and not go around cheating.* If you made the commitment, you live up to it - a single person hasn't ever made a commitment to not go around chasing married guys. *Yes, it's socially frowned upon to chase married guys, but I still think the onus lies on the one with the ring on his finger.*
> 
> *If he tells her to get lost when the OP flirts with him, good for him for sticking to his commitment. if he doesn't, congrats OP, you caught yourself a scumbag.*












:yes


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## GotAnyGrapes (Dec 7, 2011)

> I have this top, it is my secret weapon top....it is not too low cut, but soft and clingy and makes my boobs look bigger...Whenever I wear it, guys ask me out, no joke!


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

calichick said:


> I don't understand what that has to do with anything..I actually have a crush on a guy at my work and I'm going to try to seduce him. If you think that has shock value, you might want to look around, this happens in just about every office.


 Actually, no it doesn't. That's really not a very good rationalization either.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

****Thread Lock Warning****
I think enough has been said here to take it to the warning.


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