# Is it wrong to choose a therapist based on her appearance?



## finolamartin1999 (Oct 16, 2020)

So I recently started seeing a therapist as my family said it would be a good idea. I made sure though to choose a good looking woman. Not because I think anything romantic would happen (I know there are clear boundaries between therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists) but I feel it's easier to talk to an attractive therapist about more intimate things.

I told my family this and they say it's a bit immature but I'm not sure.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

This thread was originally posted in the "Therapy" subsection, which is actually located under the section that is supposed to be for Treatment reviews. So it is being moved to a section that is simply for discussion about Therapy.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Well I don't get how it's easier but I don't know. It probably won't be as effective if you do become attracted so I recommend being honest with yourself about what you're doing.


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## TheOriginalBlah (Mar 17, 2018)

Nope.

Whoever says yes, either is a hypocryte or "not living in reality".

But then, maybe you don't need a therapist. Maybe you need a date....

Just sayin'


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

TheOriginalBlah said:


> Nope.
> 
> Whoever says yes, either is a hypocryte or "not living in reality".
> 
> ...


I don't see how his family's opinion is not living in reality. Most of the time you have no say in your therapist they're assigned to you, and ability to be a good therapist has nothing to do with physical appearence...


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Seems like it would just make things more difficult, personally. I wanted a female therapist partly because I knew having a male therapist would be too much of a distraction. I'd be too tempted to misrepresent myself because I'd be worried about what he's thinking. And you're not going to get good therapy if you're misrepresenting yourself. But I can't tell you what's right for you, only what was right for me.


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## either/or (Apr 27, 2020)

Personally I would be intimidated by an attractive therapist and be less likely to open up to them. However, picking a therapist is pretty much a crapshoot no matter how you do it so while the criteria you have chosen to select one is somewhat random and arbitrary I don't think it's any worse than any other criteria really. An attractive therapist may be younger and therefore less experienced though. That might be something to consider.


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## firelight (Jan 31, 2019)

I've found it difficult to open up to attractive social workers that were around my age. With older therapists it is better, although I inevitably end up fantasizing about them. It sounds like a bad idea to choose based on that criteria if your goal is to get better.


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## AnxsyAna (Jan 12, 2019)

Wrong? Well honestly, maybe. But I mean you're the one paying and you should pick someone who you feel the most comfortable with. I've had both attractive and not that attractive therapists (when I say this I mean what I personally perceive as attractive to me only) I actually found the attractive ones a bit distracting, but I was able to open up to them almost equally, after a while, if you really are hoping and willing to get help, and you open up to them, that superficial stuff just goes out the window. To me it's more about building some type of connection with my therapist, this can be based on so many things, our first meeting, how they talk to me, how they treat me as a patient, the energy they give off and etc...In the end, you should just focus on going to therapy for what you are there for and of course, choose someone you are comfortable with opening up to, but don't make that decision based on meaningless superficial matters.


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## Whatswhat (Jan 28, 2018)

No, it’s not wrong. It’s fine. Being comfortable with them is important.


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## zkv (Feb 18, 2020)

finolamartin1999 said:


> I feel it's easier to talk to an attractive therapist about more intimate things.


I want that superpower. (With people who attract me, not therapists.) I tried a therapist I found cute a few times, and I couldn't even look at her a lot of the time. That's my experience with that, so we're very different that way. But specifically seeking out a therapist with them being attractive as a requirement is odd to me. I don't understand the upside, and I imagine it's likely or at least possible for it to to lead to an infatuation, since they're on your side and talking to you on a regular basis and trying to help you. On top of that, they're attractive. In my case it would be a recipe for disaster. What I'm saying is cuties can't be therapists.


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## ShyVegan (Nov 19, 2020)

finolamartin1999 said:


> So I recently started seeing a therapist as my family said it would be a good idea. I made sure though to choose a good looking woman. Not because I think anything romantic would happen (I know there are clear boundaries between therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists) but I feel it's easier to talk to an attractive therapist about more intimate things.
> 
> I told my family this and they say it's a bit immature but I'm not sure.


There is nothing wrong with it. If an attractive therapist makes you feel more comfortable about talking about different things, then that's okay. Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable is perfectly acceptable. Because if you don't feel comfortable with talking to a specific therapist, then there is really no moving forward in your advancement of properly healing. I believe comfort is extremely important when choosing the right therapist.


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## jojy1 (May 31, 2021)

finolamartin1999 said:


> So I recently started seeing a therapist as my family said it would be a good idea. I made sure though to choose a good looking woman. Not because I think anything romantic would happen (I know there are clear boundaries between therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists) but I feel it's easier to talk to an attractive therapist about more intimate things.
> 
> I told my family this and they say it's a bit immature but I'm not sure.


I kinda think it’s shallow, you won’t get what you need from therapy. If you picked a therapist so you could speak about “intimate” things then it’s a bit creepy


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## HeatherGrey (Sep 27, 2017)

finolamartin1999 said:


> So I recently started seeing a therapist as my family said it would be a good idea. I made sure though to choose a good looking woman. Not because I think anything romantic would happen (I know there are clear boundaries between therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists) but I feel it's easier to talk to an attractive therapist about more intimate things.
> 
> I told my family this and they say it's a bit immature but I'm not sure.


It kind of sucks, but people are drawn to people with good looks. I am drawn to old female psychiatrists (females are more comfortable to talk to because I'm one myself). I don't know I feel like I trust them more than young people. Old people are just so gentle and understanding and they have so much experience in life.


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## RSxo (Apr 19, 2018)

The most important thing is that the therapist is helpful and understanding - if you feel more comfortable around attractive therapists then I think it's fine. I wouldn't pick based on appearance alone though x


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## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

Penis said:


> Yes.. yes it is.


You will never have the moral high ground... Mr P


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## Lauralyn (Jun 21, 2021)

Doesn't make any sense to me but do whatever you think will be most helpful for yourself, doesn't really matter what other people think, its your mental health.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Don't think I'd like that - too distracting. One of the doctor's I see is very attractive and it can be a bit tricky sometimes. 

It's not good for my blood pressure.


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## Shiny-appocalypse-cookies (Jul 4, 2021)

IDK, If you were drowning & someone threw you a lifebuoy would you not grab it if you didn't find them attractive enough ? ....


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

Idk but I’m the opposite. I feel better talking to unattractive people probably because I’m ugly and it’s embarrassing to interact with good looking people.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

For me the therapist just needs to not look distracting, but that's definitely part of my selection criteria. For some reason a lot of the ones available to me have something weird about their appearance - I'm sure I'd eventually get used to it, but I don't need that as a distraction to begin with. I even find it weird when I see my current therapist side-on since I'm used to the front-on screen view.


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## extremly (Oct 25, 2012)

I am considering a therapist whose practice is very near my place, and she is attractive. I am questioning if a person like her would even understand my problems? And whether or not I am choosing her services because she is attractive and the primal brain associates attractiveness with a bunch of positive traits. My sister is in the healthcare field, and she told me a few stories about the people in her sphere (during university). A lot of them (doctor types) seem to be sociopaths.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

This isn't really something I'd have to think about tbh since I don't find most people attractive irl.


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## Myosr (Apr 8, 2016)

I went to ... eh I donno I counted them once but can't remember .. but more than half a dozen therapists over the years.

I don't think appearance is important to me, but I've noticed early on that I'm a lot more open with womem therapists. So, I don't really even consider male therapists or psychaitrists anymore.


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