# First session with psychologist



## justin984 (Jun 9, 2005)

Well, I went to my first session with a psychologist the other day. I thought I'd be much more nervous then I was. I guess I know so much about my social anxiety that it's easy for me to explain it. There were some times when my mind blanked out and I felt like an idiot but meh.. whatever.

A few thoughts that came to mind. First, I realized that I tend to minimize my own problem a lot. I know there are a lot of people in psych clinics with real problems.. serious grief issues or debilitating depression. And my problem is that I can't talk to people.. Big damn deal, get over it. That's what runs through my head. And I feel like my psych is thinking that too but I guess that's just sa playing tricks on me.

Second, being in the clinic makes me feel ashamed and broken. If anyone knew I was there I would feel horribly humiliated. Being there solidifies the fact that I actually have a problem and that my brain is somehow screwed up. This alone makes me not want to go back again. And I'm not sure if I will.

Another thing, and this is not so much an sa thing, but the extremely high prices make me feel like I'm dealing with used car salesman instead of doctors. I payed 104 dollars to sit and tell some guy about my problems and have him tell me a story about someone who was afraid to swim and who eventually just had to "jump in and do it". I feel like I'm being ripped off. Like these guys are preying on people who need help just to scam a buck. I suppose if they were too cheap I'd think they were incompetent. *shrug* Can't win either way.

My psych sent me home with some homework. I'm supposed to catch myself in stressful situations, remember what I'm thinking and feeling and write it down. Then identify the cognitive distortion and reframe my thought into something more realistic. Maybe it's just me but this seems WAY too easy to actually be of any use. I ALREADY KNOW MY THOUGHTS ARE IRRATIONAL. If I thought they were real, then I wouldn't think I had a problem, and I wouldn't be here. The problem is NOT that I believe my thoughts, but that I can't stop my body from reacting anyway. People with arachnophobia usually know that 99% of spiders are completely harmless, but that doesn't stop them from panicking anyway.

I guess I got my hopes up too high. I was expecting something profound. Some bit of wisdom or advice that would magically cure me. But the reality is that with or without therapy, the only real way to overcome this is, in my opinion, to either drug myself to the point that anxiety can not physically occur, or do as my psych suggested and just jump into the damn pool and drown a few times before I figure out how to swim. I just don't see the point in paying 104 dollars a week for such common sense.

So that's my rant of the day.


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## AboutTheWeather (Dec 24, 2007)

Eek thats pretty much exactly how I felt after my first session (2 years ago). 
...and I didn't go back
...and I'm going to the doc in about a week for meds. 

But having that ONE session proved to be some sort of catalyst... sort of helped me say "hey, I don't need someone ELSE to tell me how to get better, I can do it myself" I improved a little, at least.


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## justin984 (Jun 9, 2005)

Ya, I'm hoping for the same thing. I'm thinking about joining a karate class or something like that, just to "get out there" more, which is something I wouldn't have done before the visit with the doctor. I know I have a habit of minimizing my problem, but maybe it really is simpler to fix then I thought? I dunno*shrug* I sound really pessimistic after rereading that last post lol, I guess i was just kind of let down. I wish it was easier to find someone who specialized in SA.


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