# I'm SO over social anxiety! Here's how I did it!



## Haillzz91




----------



## Kevin001

Awesome video, your such an inspiration. Love your youtube channel. You would make an excellent mod here.


----------



## Haillzz91

Kevin001 said:


> Awesome video, your such an inspiration. Love your youtube channel. You would make an excellent mod here.


Thanks Kevin! I totally would be a mod if I didn't have so much on my plate right now haha


----------



## Haillzz91

NE2 said:


> Staff Edit


I wasn't advertising for Klonopin. I was just stating my opinion on it and saying that it was something that works for me. Also, I talked about it for like a minute out of the whole video.


----------



## NE2

Sorry, I was being a bit snarky and underthinking. But the rest of my comment is more serious - it's good that you solved your problems, but for me it's not the physical anxiety that gets to me, but the mental fear of annoying someone by trying to talk with them.


----------



## twitchy666

*I saw the title as 'so over-anxious'*

so I've read it properly and will read the whole lot


----------



## Haillzz91

NE2 said:


> Sorry, I was being a bit snarky and underthinking. But the rest of my comment is more serious - it's good that you solved your problems, but for me it's not the physical anxiety that gets to me, but the mental fear of annoying someone by trying to talk with them.


That's okay.

Sorry about your problem. Have you done CBT? That totally got me out of that mindset because I used to have the same mindset as you. I thought people were annoyed by me just based on how they looked at me or said "yeah" while I was talking. Turns out they may just be tired or saying "yeah" is how they show they're listening.


----------



## lmao

Therapists hate her.


----------



## visualkeirockstar

How much do you spend for therapy and medication?


----------



## Haillzz91

visualkeirockstar said:


> How much do you spend for therapy and medication?


I have good insurance, so I don't need to spend much on my meds. I don't go to therapy, so that's free


----------



## NE2

Haillzz91 said:


> I thought people were annoyed by me just based on how they looked at me or said "yeah" while I was talking. Turns out they may just be tired or saying "yeah" is how they show they're listening.


With me it's more about not starting a conversation at all. Sometimes I worry about how anything can be interpreted as a pickup line or otherwise creepily, and other times everyone else is talking and I don't have anything to add so I just wallflower. Yeah, CBT might help, but what I've seen of it seems more focused on getting out of your own comfort zone rather than being willing to pull other people out of theirs.


----------



## harrison

That's a great video Hailey - very brave of you to make it. I'm glad your life is improving - good luck with moving into your own place etc.

I'm also glad you've found something that will help with the anxiety but I would urge you to be careful with the Klonopin and not use it every day. It can cause problems with memory etc if used too much.

Good luck to you though and thanks for the video.


----------



## Haillzz91

don said:


> That's a great video Hailey - very brave of you to make it. I'm glad your life is improving - good luck with moving into your own place etc.
> 
> I'm also glad you've found something that will help with the anxiety but I would urge you to be careful with the Klonopin and not use it every day. It can cause problems with memory etc if used too much.
> 
> Good luck to you though and thanks for the video.


Thanks! I don't use it a lot. Only as needed  Like maybe I won't use it for a week and then I'll use it 2 days, then not again for another 2 weeks.


----------



## Haillzz91

NE2 said:


> With me it's more about not starting a conversation at all. Sometimes I worry about how anything can be interpreted as a pickup line or otherwise creepily, and other times everyone else is talking and I don't have anything to add so I just wallflower. Yeah, CBT might help, but what I've seen of it seems more focused on getting out of your own comfort zone rather than being willing to pull other people out of theirs.


Well, if someone looks uncomfortable, just ask "Are you okay? You look bothered." And if they say that it was something you said, you can just apologize and tell them it wasn't your intention to make them uncomfortable....I've learned that CLEAR communication is the best way to go.


----------



## NE2

I guess I just haven't gotten to the point where I'm going to talk to someone in a way that might make them uncomfortable. Maybe I'll have more opportunities to try soon, since I'm starting to volunteer at the Orlando Science Center and I'll have a chance for small talk with the other volunteers in the break room.

The main thought that triggers crying these days is that I still have so little chance of (a) being able to meet someone I'd get along with and (b) convincing myself to talk with them. Right now in my life the only times I see people outside immediate family and my brother's friends are:
*walking or biking locally - never had more than polite greetings, even when I make myself say the unexpected 'not so good' in response to 'how are you'
*riding the bus - I feel extra anxiety (in that I'm more likely to say something wrong) talking with people who aren't as fortunate in life, which applies to most bus riders, and people are generally on their phones or listening to music
*meetup groups - my best bet, and I've had some success conversing, but also some wallflowering failures, including with people I share many common interests with, since I see myself pre-two months ago (quiet by choice) in the other geeks

Thinking about it, maybe what I have isn't exactly social anxiety, but a sort of social avoidance. The only time it becomes anxiety is when I manage to get past the avoidance but start wallflowering.


----------



## SamanthaStrange

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother dying. That's a very stressful and difficult thing to go through.

It's nice to hear that you're doing so well, you definitely inspire a lot of people here to keep fighting.


----------



## Haillzz91

SamanthaStrange said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother dying. That's a very stressful and difficult thing to go through.
> 
> It's nice to hear that you're doing so well, you definitely inspire a lot of people here to keep fighting.


Thank you, Samantha! Fortunately, she died a very peaceful death while sleeping and she wasn't in pain during her last months of life. I do miss her though!

And thank you for your kind words! Inspiring people is what I'm trying to do, so I'm glad that it's the case


----------



## Haillzz91

Anyone else overcoming SA?


----------



## Haillzz91

lmao said:


> Therapists hate her.


They do. I always leave them after like the 4th session because I disagree with them and they take offense.


----------



## Steinerz

Haillzz91 said:


> Anyone else overcoming SA?


Yeah a little bit I guess.


----------



## Penguinfan

Haillzz91 said:


> Anyone else overcoming SA?


Yes, actually. It was actually my friend, which I became acquainted with this year. He is the first person I have hung out with outside of school multiple times. Before this year, I had no friends and couldn't go out without my parents next to me. This year my friend basically made me hang out with him by going to lunch. I was so nervous I could barely eat or walk without shaking. We don't hang out often, because we live an hour away but after doing it a few times I can go somehwere and still be a little nervous but not too bad, easily manageable. I even submitted a job application recently for a summer job and hoping I get the job. I'm mostly lonely now, because he's my only friend and I want to go out more but can't so I sit at home, which is very lonely. Texting helps, but I don't like texting first because I feel like I'm bothering him sometimes.


----------



## normalsucksbutsodoesSA

Hailz, you're an inspiration! I'm going through the process myself. I thought it was gone. Turns out it's more stubborn than I thought. But I get better every day. My two cents: have people you can talk to every day. If you're not talking you're not making progress.


----------



## Haillzz91

normalsucksbutsodoesSA said:


> Hailz, you're an inspiration! I'm going through the process myself. I thought it was gone. Turns out it's more stubborn than I thought. But I get better every day. My two cents: have people you can talk to every day. *If you're not talking you're not making progress.*


This is so true! You gotta socialize every day!


----------



## Iwannabemyself

And thank you for your kind words! Inspiring people is what I'm trying to do, so I'm glad that it's the case [/QUOTE]

Thanks for the video.. inspiring indeed Would you say "love will save the day" as well?


----------



## Quatermass

normalsucksbutsodoesSA said:


> Hailz, you're an inspiration! I'm going through the process myself. I thought it was gone. Turns out it's more stubborn than I thought. But I get better every day. My two cents: have people you can talk to every day. *If you're not talking you're not making progress*.


I think this is a crucial aspect. I don't really have that cripling physical aspect of anxiety, and maybe I've never had. But right now I'm hardly seing any people at all. It can be more than a week for me between speaking to people. That completely stifles progress and makes me less social. And unfortunately I don't know of any ways to change that either. It's so frustrating, I have the courage to meet people and socialize with them, but I don't have any opportunities to do so.

Anyway, thank you for these videos Hailey. They are inspirational. I wish you the best of luck with your new life!


----------



## NE2

Haillzz91 said:


> normalsucksbutsodoesSA said:
> 
> 
> 
> My two cents: have people you can talk to every day. If you're not talking you're not making progress.
> 
> 
> 
> This is so true! You gotta socialize every day!
Click to expand...

It's one thing to say 'oh, socialize every day'. It's another thing to actually have the opportunity to do it. Walking around my suburban neighborhood and exchanging polite greetings is not socializing. Going to the bookstore and annoying customers is not socializing. Talking with my family may be socializing but probably isn't going to help me progress. I'm still looking for that mythical place where I can go to socialize.


----------



## Haillzz91

Iwannabemyself said:


> And thank you for your kind words! Inspiring people is what I'm trying to do, so I'm glad that it's the case


Thanks for the video.. inspiring indeed Would you say "love will save the day" as well?[/QUOTE]

hmm whatcha mean by "love will save the day"?


----------



## Haillzz91

Quatermass said:


> I think this is a crucial aspect. I don't really have that cripling physical aspect of anxiety, and maybe I've never had. But right now I'm hardly seing any people at all. It can be more than a week for me between speaking to people. That completely stifles progress and makes me less social. And unfortunately I don't know of any ways to change that either. It's so frustrating, I have the courage to meet people and socialize with them, but I don't have any opportunities to do so.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for these videos Hailey. They are inspirational. I wish you the best of luck with your new life!


Have you ever been on meetup.com? I recently moved, and found that website to be helpful to meet people with similar interests in my area.


----------



## LittleEarthquakes

Haillzz91 said:


> They do. I always leave them after like the 4th session because I disagree with them and they take offense.


What do you disagree with them about? Just wondering. I've disagreed with mine too.


----------



## Quatermass

Haillzz91 said:


> Have you ever been on meetup.com? I recently moved, and found that website to be helpful to meet people with similar interests in my area.


 I looked it up, but I didn't find anything in my area.


----------



## Losti

Awesome video, pretty motivational and uplifting, your just being you. I get sick sometimes of listening to people who just like their own voice or think they know the answer to everything. I found the pact idea pretty funny. The general theme of this video about conquering SA kinda hit me towards the end though when you mentioned the pact. I realised as weird as it is, sometimes were not all completely emotionally ready to think of getting rid of SA or minimizing it. When there are aspects of your life and yourself you like while being socially anxious, it makes you fear losing these qualities if you lose the SA, even though you probably won't. Maybe a dumb question, but is there anything you miss about having stronger SA?


----------



## Haillzz91

Losti said:


> Awesome video, pretty motivational and uplifting, your just being you. I get sick sometimes of listening to people who just like their own voice or think they know the answer to everything. I found the pact idea pretty funny. The general theme of this video about conquering SA kinda hit me towards the end though when you mentioned the pact. I realised as weird as it is, sometimes were not all completely emotionally ready to think of getting rid of SA or minimizing it. When there are aspects of your life and yourself you like while being socially anxious, it makes you fear losing these qualities if you lose the SA, even though you probably won't. Maybe a dumb question, but is there anything you miss about having stronger SA?


Thanks, Losti  And no, I can't say I miss anything about having stronger SA, but I had the fear that I'd be "losing myself" if I overcame SA before I did. What do you worry about losing?


----------



## Steinerz

Losti said:


> Awesome video, pretty motivational and uplifting, your just being you. I get sick sometimes of listening to people who just like their own voice or think they know the answer to everything. I found the pact idea pretty funny. The general theme of this video about conquering SA kinda hit me towards the end though when you mentioned the pact. I realised as weird as it is, sometimes were not all completely emotionally ready to think of getting rid of SA or minimizing it. When there are aspects of your life and yourself you like while being socially anxious, it makes you fear losing these qualities if you lose the SA, even though you probably won't. Maybe a dumb question, but is there anything you miss about having stronger SA?


I can understand this.

It sort of becomes a part of your identity in a way and getting over SA is sort of like having to change your entire self. I've had those thoughts while trying to get better that the better I get the more I lose myself in the process. Though I could also see it as the better I get the more my real self shows through. Either way it's not an easy path.


----------



## D4567

i have been using my anger to beat SA. i don't know if that is good for me or not.


----------



## Haillzz91

D4567 said:


> i have been using my anger to beat SA. i don't know if that is good for me or not.


Anger is a healthy emotion, but just make sure it doesn't get out of hand  How are you using it to beat SA?


----------



## D4567

Haillzz91 said:


> Anger is a healthy emotion, but just make sure it doesn't get out of hand  How are you using it to beat SA?


Being angry with my self for not doing many things people in my age group enjoy doing. i become a bit aggressive in my mood and become unafraid to talk to people but i have a soft voice so that would balance things out.


----------



## xxDark Horse

Change the speed to 0.5 LMAO.


----------



## ShadowUser18

I'd say I'm almost SA free, I'm not as anxious around people and I'm able to hold my own in conversations with strangers now =]


----------



## Haillzz91

CloudsOfPurple said:


> I'd say I'm almost SA free, I'm not as anxious around people and I'm able to hold my own in conversations with strangers now =]


congratz!!!


----------



## RelinquishedHell

Must be nice. I wish I could've been born a pretty rich girl.


----------



## Nada

Thats great your anxiety wasn't too severe and you were able to overcome it easily.


----------



## Iwannabemyself

Haillzz91 said:


> Thanks for the video.. inspiring indeed Would you say "love will save the day" as well?


hmm whatcha mean by "love will save the day"?[/QUOTE]

Haha.. Have you heard the song by Desiree...You gotta be bold, you gotta be tough, you gotta be wiser. I find that when someone you love belives in you helps overcome life's difficulties..


----------



## Haillzz91

Nada said:


> Thats great your anxiety wasn't too severe and you were able to overcome it easily.


Actually, it was very severe. I couldn't even make eye contact with people from ages 8 to 19. Once I'd say "hi", I'd turn as red as a lobster and feel so embarrassed, I'd run away without saying anything else to the person. I worked really really hard to get to where I am today anxiety-free.


----------



## crimeclub

Positivity on SAS? Unleash the neg hounds!


----------



## UniqueUserName

Haillzz91 said:


> Actually, it was very severe. I couldn't even make eye contact with people from ages 8 to 19. Once I'd say "hi", I'd turn as red as a lobster and feel so embarrassed, I'd run away without saying anything else to the person. I worked really really hard to get to where I am today anxiety-free.


Good to hear you beat your anxiety. I'm getting there for sure. I've been battling it for more than 10 years. I found it was best to get out there and face the problem head on. I'm gonna check out your vid.

So, just watched the video. Props for putting that on youtube, there's no way I could do that. I just tapered off zoloft because of the side effects, and I never really felt it got me very far even when taking it for 2 years. If I feel like I'm getting more anxious again, I think I'm going to try klonopin.


----------



## twitchy666

*I never had any social anxiety*

until I lost a job:crying:


----------



## Haillzz91

crimeclub said:


> Positivity on SAS? Unleash the neg hounds!


haha I know, right? No positivity allowed!!


----------



## Haillzz91

UniqueUserName said:


> Good to hear you beat your anxiety. I'm getting there for sure. I've been battling it for more than 10 years. I found it was best to get out there and face the problem head on. I'm gonna check out your vid.
> 
> So, just watched the video. Props for putting that on youtube, there's no way I could do that. I just tapered off zoloft because of the side effects, and I never really felt it got me very far even when taking it for 2 years. If I feel like I'm getting more anxious again, I think I'm going to try klonopin.


Sounds like you have a great attitude approaching it. 10 years is a long time and it's so strong of you to have not given up! My SA was severe for 11 years so I can relate. Klonopin definitely helped me though.


----------



## CosmicLow

What was the name of the medicine again ? i couldn't get it.


----------



## Haillzz91

CosmicLow said:


> What was the name of the medicine again ? i couldn't get it.


Klonopin. It's very strong though, so I recommend only using it as needed or once a day at most.


----------



## UniqueUserName

Haillzz91 said:


> Sounds like you have a great attitude approaching it. 10 years is a long time and it's so strong of you to have not given up! My SA was severe for 11 years so I can relate. Klonopin definitely helped me though.


Thanks! It's been one hell of a journey. One of the hardest parts was changing jobs. You know how vulnerable you can be when you have SA. I was constantly belittled and pretty much the butt of everyones joke where I worked. While it was horrible, I feel like it built me into a stronger man. The more it continued (which was over a year) the less I started caring what people thought.

In a way, I guess I'm grateful that I went through this, because it actually was a big step in helping me beat this terrible disease. I kind of have a "what's the worst that could happen" mentality now because I've already experienced the worst of it.


----------



## Junebuug

Haillzz91 said:


> Once I'd say "hi", I'd turn as red as a lobster and feel so embarrassed, I'd run away without saying anything else to the person.


Oh God, I remember going through school that way, anyone would just look at me for too long and my entire face would go bright red... Blushing has been a pretty big problem for me. I will definitely subscribe to your channel!


----------



## Haillzz91

Junebuug said:


> Oh God, I remember going through school that way, anyone would just look at me for too long and my entire face would go bright red... Blushing has been a pretty big problem for me. I will definitely subscribe to your channel!


Have you found anything effective for blushing? Medication is the only thing I found controls it.


----------



## Haillzz91

In a Lonely Place said:


> Yeah it's allowed, just be mindful that a lot of peoples lives are destroyed by mental illness. How are your MGTOW pals?


I don't know. I don't really talk to them much. I've been busy with a lot of stuff.


----------



## Junebuug

Haillzz91 said:


> Have you found anything effective for blushing? Medication is the only thing I found controls it.


Not the blushing specifically.. but just controlling my anxiety has made my blushing less of a problem, cause now even if I do blush, I really don't care as much as I did before. I'm on the generic brand of Lexapro, so far I think it's working.


----------



## a degree of freedom

Great video! I'm happy so much is getting better for you! :clap It definitely made me think. What do I want exactly and such. I don't know what your business is or anything, but that has to be very exciting! Burn bright!



lmao said:


> Therapists hate her.


I don't understand, I click on this but am not taken to another site. I click and click and nothing happens why!?



Haillzz91 said:


> This is so true! You gotta socialize every day!


I dunno, the feeling of a productive day every now and then where I didn't have to talk to anyone is pretty pleasant ... do I have to do it /every/ day? (This is a genuine question.)



Junebuug said:


> "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." - Woody Allen


Great quote ^^


----------



## Junebuug

senkora said:


> Great quote ^^


Yes! I love it! Thanks


----------



## Haillzz91

senkora said:


> Great video! I'm happy so much is getting better for you! :clap It definitely made me think. What do I want exactly and such. I don't know what your business is or anything, but that has to be very exciting! Burn bright!
> 
> I dunno, the feeling of a productive day every now and then where I didn't have to talk to anyone is pretty pleasant ... do I have to do it /every/ day? (This is a genuine question.)


Thank you! And what have you thought about doing? 

lol if you take a day off to sit home and not socialize it's totally healthy, but MOST days it helps to socialize because then you get used to it. Think of it as a sport or exercise. You need to practice regularly to get better and stronger.


----------



## Nada

Haillzz91 said:


> Actually, it was very severe. I couldn't even make eye contact with people from ages 8 to 19. Once I'd say "hi", I'd turn as red as a lobster and feel so embarrassed, I'd run away without saying anything else to the person. I worked really really hard to get to where I am today anxiety-free.


I did not mean yours wasn't severe in its own right. Over the years and experiences I have seen some severe cases of SAD, so I may gauge severity differently. To be honest, I've never considered mine severe even at my worst when my anxieties was so debilitating I did not leave my room for months at a time, could not talk to anyone or even do mundane tasks. It took me being institutionalized several times, trying different medications, many therapy sessions and just years of exposure before I felt like I overcame much of mine. I also come from a family with a history of disorders. My mom and older brother are bipolar and my younger brother have GAD. Anyways, I apologize if I offended you.


----------



## Haillzz91

Nada said:


> I did not mean yours wasn't severe in its own right. Over the years and experiences I have seen some severe cases of SAD, so I may gauge severity differently. To be honest, I've never considered mine severe even at my worst when my anxieties was so debilitating I did not leave my room for months at a time, could not talk to anyone or even do mundane tasks. It took me being institutionalized several times, trying different medications, many therapy sessions and just years of exposure before I felt like I overcame much of mine. I also come from a family with a history of disorders. My mom and older brother are bipolar and my younger brother have GAD. Anyways, I apologize if I offended you.


Sorry you went through that


----------



## Hamster

I think this was posted before on here, but where do you suggest socializing when you have no friends around you? How can you practice socializing in public? I understand exposing yourself to public places with people around helps, but how on earth do people make friends outside of school or work?


----------



## Haillzz91

Hamster said:


> I think this was posted before on here, but where do you suggest socializing when you have no friends around you? How can you practice socializing in public? I understand exposing yourself to public places with people around helps, but how on earth do people make friends outside of school or work?


Depends how friendly a community you live in. I live in santa monica and now make friends just talking to people at a bus stop or in a low-key cafe or even shopping. Best way though would be meet up groups from meetup.com or googling clubs in your area such as cooking clubs, yoga clubs, hiking clubs, etc.


----------



## Hamster

Haillzz91 said:


> Depends how friendly a community you live in. I live in santa monica and now make friends just talking to people at a bus stop or in a low-key cafe or even shopping. Best way though would be meet up groups from meetup.com or googling clubs in your area such as cooking clubs, yoga clubs, hiking clubs, etc.


Wow, I never knew a site like that existed. That's a good idea to find a club. Thank you, I'll try my best


----------



## Haillzz91

Hamster said:


> Wow, I never knew a site like that existed. That's a good idea to find a club. Thank you, I'll try my best


Wish you the best of luck! They have everything on that site


----------



## fm5827

Sorry for your loss Hailey, such a great video. I agreed with pretty much everything you said. I wouldn't say I'm completely over it but in the last year my SA has gone from about an 8 down to a 2 or 3. In that time I've got my first girlfriend, first full time job and and am going on a trip overseas. All things I didn't even think would ever be possible because of SA. I don't think I will ever get rid of it completely but I'm glad I now have it under control.


----------



## Haillzz91

fm5827 said:


> Sorry for your loss Hailey, such a great video. I agreed with pretty much everything you said. I wouldn't say I'm completely over it but in the last year my SA has gone from about an 8 down to a 2 or 3. In that time I've got my first girlfriend, first full time job and and am going on a trip overseas. All things I didn't even think would ever be possible because of SA. I don't think I will ever get rid of it completely but I'm glad I now have it under control.


Thanks for your condolences 

And congratz for decreasing your SA so much!! Those are amazing accomplishments and you gotta know YOU made that happen!!! You reached those goals because you work hard! Where are you going on your trip??


----------



## ShellKy

I am new here. Enjoyed reading the comments here. Someone mentioned going out with a friend to eat and not being able to eat because of the SA and the accompanying shaking. I have that issue and I freeze up when I eat in some public settings or other situations where the SA rears it's ugly head. Interesting to see others out there feeling that way - often I feel like it's just me because I don't know of anyone like me. Meetings where I have to talk (even just to say my name!!!)are THE WORST. Once I faked a coughing spell to get out of the room before my turn to speak so as you see its bad. I so want to overcome. Any tips on dealing with the meeting issue I have?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Andre

Haillzz91 said:


> Sorry you went through that


It's, "I'm sorry that happened to you."


----------



## shyfighter

Congratulations, I'm very happy for you! It's really good to see that people can get rid of that. One day I'll get there


----------



## lonerroom

Haillzz91 said:


> Anyone else overcoming SA?


I'm trying, I am doing things such as forcing myself to ride on crammed buses and trains, I make the effort to talk to cashiers if I need help finding an item in the store. I keep active, I've always kept active though but that didn't really help me but I can't stand being in my room all day regardless of how bad my SA is so I always kept active anyway. But now I am trying to do things outside my "comfort zone". The only problem I have is having conversations with people. I can never keep anyone in a converation too long


----------



## lonerroom

I'm happy for you that you got rid of your Social Anxiety completely.


----------



## bintuae

sorry but this is not a cure I mean not a permanent one. You have to depend on a pill which maybe overtime lose its effectiveness. Anyway I'm happy for you.


----------

