# Stuck in my Apartment



## zarasmith (Jun 12, 2016)

Since I am going to a community college, I knew I would have a harder time making friends. I'm already lonely as it is, so I knew I had to do something to prevent this from getting worse. 

So, I found this apartment building in the downtown area of where I live made specifically for students. I worked all summer for it, and today is my first day of living with my two roommates. 

They seem really cool, very extroverted and independent, though. One of the girls was telling me how she went up to the pool (by herself) and started chatting with these other people, (Which I couldn't even imagine doing!) And then proceeded to ask me what I was doing today. 

I didn't know..nothing? Like I always do... I am perfectly okay with just watching tv, using the internet, but I forgot how lazy that is to other people. 
She was referring to all of the amenities that our apartment has - a rooftop pool, gym, saunas, hang out area, etc, but I really don't plan on using any of this because of my anxiety. 

I don't even know what floors these are on, too shy to ask, and the thought of me walking in a swimsuit or even working out in front of everyone is terrifying. 

I signed the lease for this place knowing I had to push myself with my anxiety. But now I'm sitting in my bedroom too afraid to even take the elevators somewhere in case I do it wrong/someone talks tries to talk to me. 

I was kind of hoping that I would become friends with my roommates and that they would almost "make friends for me", by like inviting the people they meet over to our apartment if that makes sense. But now they are gone majority of the day and I am alone. 

I'm also too scared to drive places by myself (besides school) because this is a completely new area and driving has always made me anxious. 

Has anyone been in the same situation as me? I just feel so lame here. Everyone is so smart, physically fit, outgoing, etc. and i'm none of that and just from a small crappy town. I feel trapped in my room.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

This how I felt everyday in college. I just did my own thing......in my room. I just said I have a lot of studying to do. People judged ofc....I just couldn't do much or wanted to do much due to anxiety and me being an introvert. I mean it would be nice to challenge yourself though. Maybe little by little?


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## NerdRage (Dec 27, 2013)

Oh my goodness! I came on this site to make a post very similar to this. So you aren't alone!
I just moved about two hours from home to attend a four year university. I attended community college before that, where I was too shy and awkward to make any real connections with anyone. And of course, I had big dreams of my relocation - I too found a roommate and hoped that she could be my gateway to friends. So far I have met one person through her, but nothing substantial. Mostly it's just me hanging out at the apartment.
What I have been doing (amid some very loud ridicule from my inner dialogue) is just showing up at different places where there are a lot of people my age. Like, a free concert at the park near the apartment, or a social function for a school club, or a random protest that was happening near our library. I didn't talk to anyone, I just kind of existed there, smiling at a few people here and there when it seemed natural. Which seems super weird and creepy, I know, but I have to start somewhere - and literally getting out into the world is sometimes the hardest step.
I think that we need to get comfortable with being alone in public. Idk about you, but for me that has always been a big "no-no", because "other socially-competent people will think I'm stupid and friendless and weird". If I can make myself feel okay about being alone (as is natural when you move to a new place where you don't know anyone), then I can eventually move on to initiating conversations with people. You deserve a place in the world as much as anyone else, and just because you feel awkward and not good enough doesn't mean your place is at all diminished!
Feel free to message me if you want to chat more


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## zarasmith (Jun 12, 2016)

NerdRage said:


> Oh my goodness! I came on this site to make a post very similar to this. So you aren't alone!
> I just moved about two hours from home to attend a four year university. I attended community college before that, where I was too shy and awkward to make any real connections with anyone. And of course, I had big dreams of my relocation - I too found a roommate and hoped that she could be my gateway to friends. So far I have met one person through her, but nothing substantial. Mostly it's just me hanging out at the apartment.
> What I have been doing (amid some very loud ridicule from my inner dialogue) is just showing up at different places where there are a lot of people my age. Like, a free concert at the park near the apartment, or a social function for a school club, or a random protest that was happening near our library. I didn't talk to anyone, I just kind of existed there, smiling at a few people here and there when it seemed natural. Which seems super weird and creepy, I know, but I have to start somewhere - and literally getting out into the world is sometimes the hardest step.
> I think that we need to get comfortable with being alone in public. Idk about you, but for me that has always been a big "no-no", because "other socially-competent people will think I'm stupid and friendless and weird". If I can make myself feel okay about being alone (as is natural when you move to a new place where you don't know anyone), then I can eventually move on to initiating conversations with people. You deserve a place in the world as much as anyone else, and just because you feel awkward and not good enough doesn't mean your place is at all diminished!
> Feel free to message me if you want to chat more


Thank you so much for replying! Its nice to know that someone is in the same situation as me. 
I will say that things have gotten a tiny bit better. I'm still awkward around my roommates but I am starting to do more things outside of my room. I went outside my apartment (by myself) and just walked around, even bought some things at this one shop. I stood in line in an extremely crowded bookstore to buy supplies for school, which normally I would avoid doing at all costs. I also drove 2 hours back to my parent's house to spend the weekend, & driving makes me terribly anxious.

For me personally, I like being alone in public. If I feel too anxious, I'm able to just get up and leave and not have to make up excuses. If it helps, just know that low self-esteem goes along with social anxiety. So the next time you think you look stupid or friendless just know that no one is even paying attention to you, its just your anxiety making you think that.

I am worried about classes, though. I'm in the art field so for all of my classes we have to do critiques, which is where you present your work and other people give their thoughts/feedback. Presentations are hell for me. I have beta blockers and xanax, but both of those only help so much, I still stutter and trip over my words. I also find it extremely hard to make eye contact.


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## Ammarl1332 (Sep 5, 2016)

I am in an very similar situation, except I transferred into a 4 year university in the US from a different country (India)! It's been so nerve racking! I too moved into an apartment building on campus for university students in hopes to find cool roommates who would help me build a social circle. My roommate did take me out to meet some of his friends and he became my closest buddy here, but my anxiety prevented me from ever chilling with any of his friends again, and me and him would only hang out in the apartment or rarely go out. And now, a year later, I moved out to a different apartment and hes going to be off working for 6 months. I hope it goes well in my new apartment with these roommates of mine (I've only met one of them so far).

I like being alone in public for the same reason as well, so I can leave. I tried going to a bar today, but couldn't get myself to enter because it was a college bar and I was afraid of being judged for entering alone. It sounds silly to me now, but the fear is so real and present in the moment that I can't think rationally. Anyways, Ended up coming back furious with myself, and stumbling onto this website.

Also, don't worry about class! Everyone is scared of presentations and so even if you do happen to stutter, it's completely understandable and you won't be the only one to. And classmates tend to be pretty lenient when it comes to peer feedback, so don't think to much about that either. A trick to help with eye contact is to try to figure out the eye-color of the person you are talking to. That way you don't end up staring too long and it takes your mind off the uncomfortable feeling you experience during eye contact.


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## Lavilavi (Sep 6, 2016)

I am new to this forum, but when i saw this post i just had to reply. I couldnt relate more to what you are all talking. I also live in an apartement in a building full of students and it is so hard for me. I am at my second year at college, have no close friends and this social anxiety is driving me crazy. I stay in my room the whole day, i fear of going out so i dont meet any neighbours. When i am alone at home i turn off all the lights and close all the windows so nobody knows i am home and they dont come and talk to me. The roomates living in my apartement are really good friends with all the people on our hallway, so a lot of people come to our place. And if the roommates are not home and someone comes i have to talk to them, wich always ends in awkward silence and me being all nervous and my voice shaking and being confused and just wanting to cry of embaressment. I am so happy when i am all alone so i dont have to interact with anyone, but this loneliness is destroying me from the inside.


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## TreeOfWolf (Oct 17, 2016)

I am a shut in with zero social skills, so you sound way more courageous than you give yourself credit for.

When she asked you what you were doing today, to me it seemed like an invitation to do stuff with her as if you're already friends, not a question to judge you. Try "I'm free, would you like to do something fun?"

I understand terror, I've been abused and again recently... But you worked all summer to be with people... Was it really to sleep in the same room while you were in your comfort zone watching TV? Or was it to get out of your comfort zone to eventually find even more happiness in a weird zone? From what I see, all you have to lose is your anxiety and you actually want to lose it.

Saunas are very relaxing. I think you're allowed to go in with a towel. No one will complain anyway, if they do they're jerks. Once you're in the water, no one can see your swimsuit, and I had a lovely 2 pieces that was very covering. A tank top with a skirt. It covered up my stomach better than a one piece.

If people judge you as bad, you'll end up with no friends. But since you have no friends, you have everything to win by risking finding someone who'll judge you positively.

I talk too much and can't shut up... and I like hard core creepy stuff... so sooner or later I scare the hell out of people... But I saw many shy people who never contributed to the conversation, they just sat there and enjoyed the board games we played... without a word... so no one could judge them, everyone loved them as quiet and no offensive... So maybe you can just stand there and hope for the best, try to think positively little by little. I like negative stuff, so I'm doomed. But if you'd like to have fun, then expect fun. And go for fun... If staying isolated staring at a screen truly is good enough for you, then you really don't need friends. Or find some introvert into the same stuff. If you fail to make friends with the complete opposite of you (outgoing party people) it can simply mean that you don't want the same things and aren't compatible, not that you're bad.

Have small aims and welcome opportunities. People actually did serve friends on a silver platter... but you were so convinced that they wouldn't want to be your friends that you didn't see that they probably already were. So maybe it's not others that need to give you a chance, but you, you need to give them a chance to show you that they can be good, and give yourself a chance to try. It will probably end horribly, grief always feel that way, especially when we lose something good... but it can be good for a while... and nothing is eternal, not even life... life is merely a succession of small moments. The best we can do is seize opportunities and do the best we can at the time.

So congratulate yourself for going to school. Congratulate yourself for being able to sleep while having roommates. Congratulate yourself for the smallest steps... and you'll go far before you know it. You even had a job and they kept you. What more do you want? Go for it already. If you don't want to step out but want the fun of going out... If you don't want to deal with the downside but want the reward... That won't get you very far... but if that's what you want it's ok, if you don't need more then don't force yourself... but if you do...

Then try. And if you fail. Congratulate yourself for trying.

But what do I know. I'm a wolf.


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