# Stupid Question = Stupid Answer



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Pretty simple. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer from the next poster. Once you answer, ask a stupid question. The next poster will do the same.

Example:

Q: Will I be bear-hugged to death by a bear?

A: Only if you give them the Care Bear Stare.

Ok, so...GO!

-------------------------------------------------

_Is there such a thing as space bacon?_


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Only if it's not fetish prostitution dealing with animals.

How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?


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## dexlab (Mar 29, 2012)

*hurts to say it* Feathers because there would be more of them

If gravity suddenly didn't exist, would you fall into the sky or float away from earth


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

If you're in Australia, you'd fall into the sky, if it's Russia, then space! 

If you super-glued your hands together, how would you clap?


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I would find another person who has their hands super glued together and clap mine against his.

How many marshmallows have you eaten in your lifetime?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

A marshmillion. <_<

Where can I find space bacon?


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

In a pig's ***. The pig is on a Russian Satellite.

Do you wanna go fly


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Like a penguin.

Would you eat space bacon?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Not me, I'm just here for the coffee and cookies.

How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

He'd chuck Bruce Lee across the room.

Does language define a people or do people define cucumbers?

edit: super zombie thread.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

One goes "quack" and the other goes "Affleck!"

How much does your shadow weigh?


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## PlayerOffGames (Mar 19, 2007)

coeur_brise said:


> edit: super zombie thread.


yeah...thats why.


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## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

How much does my shadow way? Hmm I dont know. Tink?!

Whats darker, night or the force?


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## lifelikeahole (Nov 30, 2013)

If the rain will kill oswald. 

Do you know why that finger is hovering over my liver?


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## shouldeyefallbehind (May 26, 2014)

Where do babies come from?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Nowhere, babies just happen.

Who was the first person to walk on the sun?


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

The guy who invented sandals.

why is sandals not spelt sandles


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Because that sounds like candles made out of sand, which might be confusing.

If men have Adam's apples, why don't women have Eve's apples?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

They do, on their chest.

How do you like them apples?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

I don't because they hurt my pet mouse's stomach.

Did Carman San Diego get lost in a labyrinth or a maze?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Neither. He got lost in his aMAZEment.

Bro, do you even elevator?


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## Oblivio (Aug 3, 2014)

Only when my horse is tired. 

Why does the sky stalk my couch.


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## CasketCase (Jan 25, 2014)

They levitate.

If you're in space, does the concept of time still exist?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

*puffs joint* Dude, we're all here in this like....huge Universe man....it's like....so big...and we're like....so small......dude.....



Question: Why do clouds always let themselves get hit by airplanes....can they even see anything?


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Clouds love getting hit by planes. It's like a fetish to them, and planes like.. you know.. have a certain kinda shape..

kcid

Why do my farts smell considerably more pleasant than.. everybody else's farts?


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## Gamaur (Jul 10, 2014)

Because you're a cybernetic organism from the future and you farted a gaseous cloud of nanobots, pals of yours, that had just signed a sponsorship deal with Lynx deodorant.

Why is Def Leppard touring inside Richie Sambora's intestinal tract when there's no seating area for their fans?


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## CasketCase (Jan 25, 2014)

Because the acoustics are amazing.

Is it wrong to steal candy from a baby, even though they shouldn't even be eating it in the first place?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

CasketCase said:


> Is it wrong to steal candy from a baby, even though they shouldn't even be eating it in the first place?


Studies have shown conclusively that, as stolen candy bar rates go up, dentist salaries go down. Do you even want your dentist's kids to go to college? WELL DO YOU!??!?! I just.....I can't even look at you right now.

Where can I get some ice tea around these parts? Preferably unsweetened (i.e., under 30 g of sugar).


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## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

More to the point, where do they go?

Why do women?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Because I don't like to don't women.

Why does God just sit there and do nothing?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Because he has bills to pay. 

Why isn't the ocean the colors of the fish?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Because the fish are colour-fast.

What happens to the middle part of the doughnut when forming the doughnut?


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## juvy (Jun 13, 2014)

Do fish get thirsty?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Sure, bloodthirsty.

Should suicide be punished with the death penalty?


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## philfromgermany (Aug 7, 2014)

The Islander said:


> Sure, bloodthirsty.
> 
> Should suicide be punished with the death penalty?


_sidenote: i'm pretty sure i've heard about countries in the past that have exactly that.

_yes and also there will be a trial with the suspect's body dragged into the coutroom.

*can you clap with one hand?*


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

philfromgermany said:


> *can you clap with one hand?*


Well this guy in the hippie shop keeps asking me 'what is the sound of one hand clapping".....so I guess it's possible?

What if like....the static on TV......is what we ACTUALLY look like?!?!?!1111


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## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Then I guess we'd all need a makeover STAT!

Because water is blue, the sky is blue. But shouldn't that mean clouds should be blue?


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## kaltak (Aug 8, 2014)

the sky is blue?

From a range of one to ten (4 being the highest) whats your favorite poem


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

kaltak said:


> the sky is blue?
> 
> From a range of one to ten (4 being the highest) whats your favorite poem


Hmmm, good question, I'd have to say "The Scream", by Martha Stewart.

If a Church says they've been "Following Christ for 100 years", can they get arrested for stalking?


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## W A N D E R L U S T (Oct 2, 2012)

No because stalking isn't just a religion, it's an art. And a pretty damned sacred art it is.

If the sun's 25 meters away from the earth, how high are you?


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## woafy (Jul 9, 2014)

This high

Why?


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## Bleach74 (Aug 10, 2014)

Because I'm the god damn Batman!

What does blue smell like?


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## W A N D E R L U S T (Oct 2, 2012)

Smells like it feels like an Oompa Loompa cross an asthma attack with a pinch of MIA.

Why won't my parents let me dress in ham and cheese on Sundays?


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## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

Because they're not your parents.

Have you ever?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

Taplow said:


> Have you ever?


*fans self* OMG.....like OMG....we were LITERALLY just talking about that......

Do you think I can like....still visit Brazil even if I don't speak any Brazilian?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Sorry man, I think that's against the law.

I've forgot my password, how can I ever log in here anymore!!??


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

You'll be logged in indefinitely until you're 80 with mods making posts on your behalf.

Why did I answered that and can you buy me a toilet sofa?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

I'm afraid I can't afford a toilet sofa. I could buy you a toilet soda though. That's close enough, right?

Which state is America in?


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## Bleach74 (Aug 10, 2014)

Europe.

Are rhinos basically just fat unicorns?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

you ate what you hate... mate...you are what you eat so you must now hate yourself.

I i left my fridge door open for a very long time would start the next ice age?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Only if all the ice melted.

If the cookie monster ate a carrot cake does that mean he's changed to the veggie monster?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Hmm...911? *shrug*

If there's Europe, why isn't there Dollarpe?


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## CasketCase (Jan 25, 2014)

Tacos of course.

Why do they call unicorns, unicorns instead of unihorns?


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## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

Because their face pointer doesn't make music sounds!

Why should I wash BOTH armpits?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Because you will end up leaning your head to one side to avoid the stink of the unwashed pit and people will think you're weird.

How many Joules of energy can be extracted from the full combustion of an average sized human baby?


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Joules is a first name not energy.

Where does the sun set at the north pole?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Of course the sun sets in the north pole! How could someone say that it doesn't. That's just stupid...

If we chucked all our rubbish/trash into outer space what would happen?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

They would eventually be sucked into another dimension through a black hole and form a garbage monster that would attack the Earth through a worm hole, causing human extinction.

When there's a volcanic eruption, why don't people just vacuum up the lava before it gets to any buildings and stuff?


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## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Because people who live near an active volcano have no common sense.

Why is crazy golf crazy? If it is crazy, what mental illness does the golf have?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

themolehillismine said:


> Why is crazy golf crazy? If it is crazy, what mental illness does the golf have?


The kind of crazy where you tear down a few hundred acres of trees that have been growing for centuries, build a bunch of cookie-cutter houses and a hilton resort hotel there and wait for the entitled rich people to arrive.

What's the capital of Cleveland?


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

The letter C. Because all cities are capitalized.

Why did dinosaurs go extinct?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because Nature decided to scrap the dinosaur idea and replace it instead with guinea pigs and hamsters.

What did you eat besides food today?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Air.

Wanna buy a free phone for 200 dollars?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Right next to the vow of silence clause. 

Where is the nut inside a doughnut?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

It's in the hole.

Does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Yes because a picture of the sun is another sun. Just like, 580242385342509348250834 times smaller.

Why the heck do my feet smell right now?


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Because you're supposed to wash your feet after eating with them.

Why doesn't the sun and moon crash into each other?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Because they are the same object. When the sun goes down, it transforms into the moon and then rises as moon. In the morning it changes back to sun.

Why are **** sapiens extinct?


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## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

Are they? I thought it was all legal now. 

Jesus could walk on water but could he swim on land?


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## herk (Dec 10, 2012)

Of course he was amphidextrous

Are ghosts afraid of dying


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

No, but they're scared to death of dyeing.

How could Leonardo Da Vinci still starr in Titanic, Inception, Gilbert Grape etc. if he was like over 500 years old?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Because he uses good moisturizer. 

How can author's write biographies about dead people when they're not alive?


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

"Behold, you're brother Lazarus is risen!" 

What? Never heard of zombies?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Zombies? Is that the creator of Zombocom?

Why?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

I'm not sure I'll have to ask my bedpost tonight.

Why won't Siri ever initiate our conversations????


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Hmm, she must have SA.

Does reacting mean that you act out a scene you've acted out before?


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

only if use acted out the first time then ut is yes

why are marshmallows flat and round??


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Because of gravity.

Who buried fossils in the ground and why?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

God did so that he could hide the evidence of their existence.

Why do my sweat and tears taste like the ocean?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because your ancestors came from the ocean. Wait, no because you're secretly a fish.

Why are there no stupid questions but there are stupid answers?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

The Islander said:


> Who buried fossils in the ground and why?


broad scientific concensus is that there was a primordial scavenger hunt happening prior to human existence, sometime over the last few hundred million years. Apparently the kids got hungry and decided to call it quits when Timmy's mom brought over ice cream.

If a church says they've been 'following Christ for 100 years', does that mean they could get arrested for stalking?


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## Zxcvbnm987 (Sep 17, 2014)

Because a mermaid cast a spell on you that makes your tears taste like her home
Why are carrots orange?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

Zxcvbnm987 said:


> Why are carrots orange?


tbh that's kind of racist......

Speaking of racism, why did that guy at the soccer match call me and the rest of the fans 'spectators'.....like, what did I do to deserve being called that? We bought tickets just like everyone else.


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because the sky is blue.

Orange you wondering why there were 3 answers to the same question?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

waerdd said:


> Orange you wondering why there were 3 answers to the same question?


Dude, you totally blue it......

At what age does a healthy buffalo grow its wings?


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## Neo1234 (Mar 6, 2012)

When it is ready to fly and eventually becomes a good bird !

Who comes first egg or chicken?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Wagnerian said:


> At what age does a healthy buffalo grow its wings?


The age during which I dip them in _blue_ cheese sauce.



sonny680 said:


> Who comes first egg or chicken?


Whichever's not in 2nd place.

When is it appropriate to yell "FIRE" in a public swimming pool?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

When there is a fire Sharknado happening outside.

Why can't there be croco-nadoes or crocofloods? like.. they're in the water.


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

coeur_brise said:


> Why can't there be croco-nadoes or crocofloods? like.. they're in the water.


The anti-crocodile lobby is just so powerful these days....all the politicians are in their pockets.......nothing will ever change, nothing ever does.

What time is it?


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Actually let me double-check....Oh sorry it's Hammer Time.

Why is the moon made of cheese?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

The darned Swiss got to it first. Terraformed it to cheese.

If you feel angry, how does that make you feel?


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## spitfire444 (Feb 7, 2014)

Livid, like a muppet in a food condenser.

Why was Wogan so popular with the grannies ?


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## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Because he made them feel all tingly in their lady bits.

Why do elderly people love Bingo?


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Because too many hips were broken while jumping up yelling "Yatzee!"

Why do I crave ice cream at all times?


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

Because the ice cream craves you

Why do pirates have a wooden leg?


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

No, they do not need legs - they sail on a ship. 

Why are the pigeons frequently mating on the linden tree near my balcony?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

They want you to see. They want you to be jelly.

Why'd you have to make things so complicated?


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## 525826 (Aug 29, 2014)

Because I'm a dick. I'm addicted to you.

What do you do when you see a rubber chicken hanging outside your car?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

nobutapower said:


> What do you do when you see a rubber chicken hanging outside your car?


Call animal control, I heard that species is highly venomous.

Purple is to bike as crystal is to ________

a) horseradish
b) golf course
c) ummm........
d) Ted Nugent


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Ted Nugent of coarse 

How fast would I have to flap my arms to be able to lift off the ground?


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## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

It depends how low the ground is. 

What is the speed of death?


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## Neo1234 (Mar 6, 2012)

Well,Its equal to slowness/sluggishness of life ..!

How can I type with my eyes closed? and please dont say its the same with my eyes open


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

you'd have to hire a chicken 

kitty cat kitty cat where have you been...?


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

doin the ice bucket challenge!

if I tied enough birds to me would I fly?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

You need really big birds like ostriches. They can't fly, so you'll have to tie yourself to the ostrich and then tie the ostrich to a helicopter. 

Can I teach my cat to play basketball?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

No, you should definitely teach your cat to play golf. Against Tiger.

Have you ever just ever ever ever? (what the heck kind of question is that?!) ha


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Yes, forever and ever.

Why am I dead?


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## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

You didn't floss daily.

If the guys from Kajagoogoo had sex with Lady Gaga, what would their babies look like?


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Baby gaga would probably have some crazy 80s new wave hair, and he'd get picked on for it while growing up so he'd have to say 'Guys I was born this way!"

Why does spicy food make my nose so runny?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because your nose missed the train to Iceland.

Where do old people come from? Where do babies go?


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

Babies go to heaven, old people go to hell, because they too old for heaven.

Why do they always say there are plenty of fish in the sea, when i don't actually see any fish?!


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## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

no my dog braided them this morning :yes

Why does it hurt when I poke my eye ball


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

It shouldn't hurt...you should probably go see a doctor.

Where can I find the number of 911?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

First, find a long piece of paper, then starting writing the numbers down in order: 1, 2, 3, ..., 908, 909, 910. Then write the next number and you should be able to see it.

What does a rainbow taste like?


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## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

It tastes like rain mixed with a bow.

What is your height in decibels?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

They are storing it for when the sun burns out

Why can't my cat catch a whale for me?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because your cat did not take the proper mating call lessons from Dory.

Why did he takes it from us? Why did he takes our precious, love?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

He wanted to resize your precious for you and add your birthstone. Surprise! Hobbits are so nice 

If I chop my catfish in half will I then have both a cat and a fish?


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

no you'll have 2 catfish

If I eat spinach will I become stronger..?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Only if you suck it through and eat it through a corncob pipe.


What kind of cheese is the moon made out of?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Limburger cheese. That is why more people haven't been to the moon

If fish love water, why aren't there fish living in rainclouds?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Long ago in a galaxy far far away the fish once lived in the skies with the Almighty Fish God. But because one naughty fish, Evefish, chose to eat from the flying seaweed patch of knowledge of good and evil, the Almighty Fish God had deemed fish unworthy to live in the skies and forever banished them to the depths of the oceans below for all of eternity.

Have you ever had a dreams, that's, you want him to do you so much you could do anything?﻿


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## MuffinMan (May 14, 2014)

Yes I do pee in jars, and had a dreams that'z he did do that to me.

Would fish make good gynecologists if they had human thumbs?


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

Yes because cheese

Why do I get cheese in my cheese every time I cheese


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Because you've been spending too much time in the cheese factory. 


I would like to be a gazillionaire by the year 2010. How can I make this possible?


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

Duh, just buy a gazillionaire dollars.

How do I get from point A to C when there's no B?


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Put some hunny in a jar and leave it on your doorstep, the Bs will come.

If Winnie-the-Pooh was set in the desert, what would replace heffalumps as the seemingly ferocious antagonists of the story?


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> Put some hunny in a jar and leave it on your doorstep, the Bs will come.
> 
> If Winnie-the-Pooh was set in the desert, what would replace heffalumps as the seemingly ferocious antagonists of the story?


Angry Joshua trees obviously.

If cats always land on their feet what happens if you glue two cats together by their feet?


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Every cat has microscopic furry feet at the end of each strand of fur, that is why cats always land on their feet, except furless cats, but they aren't really cats, they are giant naked mole rats who saw that cats were better cared for than mole rats and learned to gain from that.

If Poohbear never met Pigletbear who would Poohbear's constant animal companion be?


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> Every cat has microscopic furry feet at the end of each strand of fur, that is why cats always land on their feet, except furless cats, but they aren't really cats, they are giant naked mole rats who saw that cats were better cared for than mole rats and learned to gain from that.
> 
> If Poohbear never met Pigletbear who would Poohbear's constant animal companion be?


Benedict Cumberbatch

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said 'My nose will now grow longer'?


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

losthismarbles said:


> Benedict Cumberbatch
> 
> What would happen to Pinocchio if he said 'My nose will now grow longer'?


He would become mighty confused. He would begin to regret having spent years inside his head creating a fantasy life filled with phallic symbolism. He would seek help in the form of online therapy, but his therapist would turn out to relate everything to penises, even the tiny fraction of things that aren't actually related to penises, so Pinocchio would need to try another therapist. The next therapist would, over the next few months, help Pinocchio to beat his agoraphobia and stop subconsciously punishing himself over his pathological lying. Pinocchio would then begin a new existence as a self-actualised real boy down at the local gay bar, and would fulfil his lifelong dream of being a plaything to kindly old men.

If Winnie-the-Pooh Bear and Benedict Cumberbatch Otter were best friends, would they more often be found in the sea or the Hundred Acre Woods?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Hundred Acre Woods because Pooh is a glutton for honey.

If Peter Pan and Edward Cullen got in a fight, who'd win?


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## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

Fruitcake said:


> He would become mighty confused. He would begin to regret having spent years inside his head creating a fantasy life filled with phallic symbolism. He would seek help in the form of online therapy, but his therapist would turn out to relate everything to penises, even the tiny fraction of things that aren't actually related to penises, so Pinocchio would need to try another therapist. The next therapist would, over the next few months, help Pinocchio to beat his agoraphobia and stop subconsciously punishing himself over his pathological lying. Pinocchio would then begin a new existence as a self-actualised real boy down at the local gay bar, and would fulfil his lifelong dream of being a plaything to kindly old men.


..............



Fruitcake said:


> If Winnie-the-Pooh Bear and Benedict Cumberbatch Otter were best friends, would they more often be found in the sea or the Hundred Acre Woods?


Idk, I heard Winnie-the Pooh Bear bought a yacht after years of making mad $$ from his TV show. Kind of the cliche thing to do but w/e, it's what he wants.

What do you say when someone asking for directions asks, "Which way to secondy-second street*?"


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

JustThisGuy said:


> Hundred Acre Woods because Pooh is a glutton for honey.
> 
> If Peter Pan and Edward Cullen got in a fight, who'd win?


Peter Pan would be about to throw the first punch when Edward would confuse him with an angsty smouldering look complete with fantastically flared nostrils. Peter would lose the ability to breathe and begin to remove his clothes and profess his love using really long words that aren't necessary to profess love or anything else really. Edward's never developed a very extensive vocabulary in his hundreds of years of life because like most men he's been too busy sniffing girls, so he would mistakenly think Peter was suggesting they trade outfits. Edward would take Peter's outfit and on his way home a modelling scout would spot him dressed in the pixielike ensemble and sparkling beautifully. This would lead to his career as a model in advertisements for funny-smelling Hallowe'en costumes in two dollar shops.

Peter would be left alone and naked and, after seeing one of Edward's pictures on a pot of body glitter a couple of years later, would forevermore be reminded of his shame every time he went to a school disco.

So, in short, Edward.



Wagnerian said:


> ..............
> 
> Idk, I heard Winnie-the Pooh Bear bought a yacht after years of making mad $$ from his TV show. Kind of the cliche thing to do but w/e, it's what he wants.
> 
> What do you say when someone asking for directions asks, "Which way to secondy-second street*?"


..............?

You point them to seventhty-seventh street because they didn't say please.

If Benedict Cumberbatch Otter and John Watson Hedgehoglet were both equally covered in hunny and lying in the sun on Pooh's shipdeck, what sort of berries would Pooh Bear most like with his Pancakes?


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## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Huckleberry.

Fin.

You're lost in the woods and are ambushed by a mother bear, severely injured, and held down to be fed to her cubs. One of the cubs about to devour you is Winnie the Pooh. What would you say to him? Please provide details and algorithms in addition to your solution.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

I would demand a final pot of hunny, as is my right in the Hundred Acre Wood, and then offer to trade the hunny for my life. I don't know what an algae rhythm is, but when I searched for it this is what I found:










I suppose if my hunny plan fails, I could dress in an algae-like shrub and do an interpretive dance similar to the mating ritual of the lesser great heffalump to scare Pooh and his family into submission.

If Pooh Bear was a blue bear what colour would the other animals be?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

The other animals would be black and playin' the blues. (I apologize) Thus began a new age of music dubbed the Hundred Acre Woodstock.

If Winnie the Pooh's sexual orientation were gay and his friends were making fun of him, what would George Takei say in Pooh's defense?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

All your base are belong to us
(its somethin he said in a command and conquer trailer lol)

If u were stranded on a desert island with 1 coconut would would u do?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

I would invoke the spirit of MacGyver and turn that coconut and anything else I could find into a rocket pack. I would then fly back to the mainland with plenty of fuel left to spare.

How many ice cubes would it take to cool the inside of the Earth?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

February May have Marched towards December to roast marshmallows.

How would you order the following words: three, pig, sky, balloon, apples, stairs.


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

No sorry come back later 

if u found a magic lamp with a genie inside would u let me have the wishes?


----------



## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

FunkyMonkey said:


> No sorry come back later
> 
> if u found a magic lamp with a genie inside would u let me have the wishes?


Yes but only if you agree to wish for things I want.

If 1/3 = .3333~
and 2/3 = .66666~
and 1 = .9999~
Why the heck didn't the cashier at Taco Bell give me my .11111~ in change even after I explained the math to her very clearly?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because she thought the digits weren't significant enough. She was looking for different kinds of digits. 

Why should you always stare directly at the sun?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because the most vitamin D in your body comes from exposing your eyes to the sun.

How come Tommy couldn't call Jenny at 867-5309? Did she change address?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

She had no choice but to change her number after he made it into a popular song. People were calling her at all hours telling her that they had her number.

Could I make a true perpetual motion machine by sticking a piece of buttered toast to a cat's back, with the butter against the cat's back, and dropping it?


----------



## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

I would say that the toast's inner compulsion to land buttered side down - toast being toast - would be stronger than the cat's need to always land on it's feet because the cat, knowing it had all those lives left, wouldn't put up as much of a struggle. 

If Muslim women don't want to be looked at, shouldn't they wear net curtains?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

No they should walk around with a huge mirror infront of them with 2 little eye holes specially cut out in a workshop :yes 

How long would it take to ride down the rainbow on ur tummy?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

.62 seconds *and* you can see into the future.

If the future is the present and the present is the past, why isn't the past the future?


----------



## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

I already answered that question tomorrow.

What would be the minimum time that you should travel into the future for it to make any difference?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

A plane can, when flying watermelon clouds through a high water, content as it may be.

Who would win in a rap battle, George Lucas or Nicholas Cage?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

George Nicholas would Rap Battle in a Cage

how many flower petals in the Amazon rain forrest?


----------



## Sean07 (May 9, 2014)

About 98 petals, not including the other petals.

If you listened to the song bump n grind by R Kelly five hundred times in a row, how would you react?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

pleasantly relaxed, becasue id make my own version of that particular song that bears no resemblance to the song you are thinking of.


for what use would you find for a bag of peanuts weighing 500 grams?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Free-base it with an elephant.

I have 2 apples and I take 3 away: how many apples to I have?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

You have the square root of negative one number of apples which is imaginary, and somewhat true. No, I take that back, you have 5 cuz you're a filthy thief! :evil

Was that answer too smart or too intelligent?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

that answer was both too smart and too intelligent , therefore I am .


Hydrogen is to helium is to argon is to neon is to a Banana? true or false?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

50% true, 100% false. 

What's not your name?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

my name is not the one you think it is, but the one that you dont already know.


pigs and penguins may be permitted to fly , but in what situation are they not permitted to fly?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

During BBQs and global warming.

If someone got ebola from a shark bite because the shark was irritated by being struck by lightning, should that person go play the lottery?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Only if they found a swollen can of vegetables, then yes its a good sign to play.

Will you take care of my hamster, it's barking a lot and I think it has rabies. It could be a cat too.


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

He not only sunk the Bismark he also blew up the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Can yo speak fluent Pigeon Wasabi?


----------



## SoyUnPerdedor (Aug 22, 2014)

Cubans' way of getting to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base with their special someone. Chicken, pot, pie.

Successfully hitting the trifecta: piecost.


If men are from Mars, and aliens are from Venus, and Bluto hasn't even heard of Pluto was it truly over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

It was only ever over when Shakespeare professed, "Let them eat cake!"


If Nessie is a plesiosaur and bigfoot is hobo wearing bearskin and chupacabra is just a lizard midget that sucks goats, then why doesn't the mothman combine themselves into a super team to fight the Jersey Devil, Chris Christie?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because it is a known fact that all cryptids are Republicans.

If a chimpanzee married a wallaby on the island of Venice, Antarctica and honeymooned thereafter, does phylogeny recapitulate ontogeny?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

possibly... unless it only creates a progeny with identical alleles , and a mixed phenotype. 


i am blind..... but my friend tells me that my TV has sound and no picture.
should I buy a new fully working TV?, or should I just buy a radio that also shows pictures?


----------



## Taplow (Apr 18, 2014)

Now that's funny because I'm deaf and I've got a TV which my friend tells me has a picture but no sound. I found that the best solution to this was to lock my friend in the cupboard. I couldn't hear him screaming to be let out. Perhaps he's still in there. 

Is it a wrong for a man to indecently expose himself to a blind woman? Or come to that to make obscene phone calls to a woman who's deaf? And one more point, why does the deaf woman have a phone anyway?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

the man may only expose himself if the letter of the womans name begins with not one of the letters of the alphabet. as we know it.


how many degrees are there in a five pointed triangle, given that all triangles can only contain 18o degrees? will An exception exist for a triangle made of pastry?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

None because the Bermuda triangle said so :yes

Why can superman fly but I cant


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Superman drinks over 100 coffees a day. When he has a really tough super villain to fight he might drink as many as 1000 :eek

If I put a spider in a microwave and then let it bite me will I gain superpowers?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

No, not really. If it's a brown recluse, then it'll cure chronic masturbation if applied to your favored hand. Because the poison will eat away your flesh due to necrosis.  [Microwave optional]

Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Nope, I don't like dancing. But I do sing karaoke with the devil, he's so into that...

I know Jupiter has 67 moons, but how many suns does it have?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

67 moons?! Where'd they come from all of a sudden, I need to memorize them quick. And Jupiter has one son. Two daughters.

How many earths does Saturn have and why?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Saturn's earths rotate around it and help keep its rings together with their gravity. This is why Saturn grows one new earth every year, which means it has like 100 of them now.

Which state of England is America in?


----------



## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

Goth'ham

Why is ebola so deadly?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Because ebolas are faster and secrete ten times more poison than other snakes.

What gender of books do you prefer?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

only those books of the gender in which they are spineless ( invertebrate ) the only problem is the pages all fall out and the story becomes mostly incoherent and unfathomable.


Pink is to green is to blue is to black is to ....transparent is to......? (what?)


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Plaid, of course.

If you fight the law, why does the law always win?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

the law many only be guaranteed to won on sundays, but every other day whether or not the law wins or not is regardless on sunday, unless it is monday.


my helium filled incandescent light bulbs keep floating toward the ceiling, so what other suitable gas can I fill them with?


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

The amount of wood that a woodchuck can chuck depends on the height of the woodchuck. A tall woodchuck is able to woodchuck more wood than a smaller, lighter woodchuck. This is because of the gravational pull from the earth's crust.

Why is the colour red more red than the colour blue ?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

neither color is more like any other color becasue the noun that we know that particular wavelength on light by... is arbitary . For all we know, the sky is green, or red, or yellow. 


if you had three arms what would you have to do with 'T ' shirts... what'd it be called then?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

Would be called a TKirt :yes

if u had eyes in the back of ur head. wouldn't the hair hurt ur eyes?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Nah, I mean we have eyelashes around our normal eyes, so they'd just be longer on our extra eyes.

If Jesus is chocolate and the Buddha is caramel, then what flavor is Thor?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

Thor is the flavor of the hammer of the gods. So what ever that is?


13, 23, 35, 45, 56 ,67, 69, 89 ,104, 123, ...... what is the next number in sequence?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Um, can I skip the question? my brain is hurts.

Why should I keep 100 million tabs open on my browser?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

because if yo can open 100000 you will feel so great , because my crappy computer cannot hardly handle 8 tabs open.... bit it gives me a reason to thump the computer with my fist in frustration.... so its somewhat therapeutic. 


when is a number divisible by zero.?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

All numbers that have a zero in them is divisible by zero. Dividing by zero takes one zero out of the number, for example dividing 10 by 0 makes it 1, 100 becomes 10 etc.

Wtf is Obama's last name? Or is he just "Obama", you know, like Oprah or Moses or something?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Amabo. 

What's a honeymoon on the moon called?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Honeyearth.

I'm trying to use the hippocampus in my brain, but I'm not seeing hippos or any college campuses. What am I doing wrong?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

You first need to activate it. Find/steal a hippo and take it to the nearest college campus. You'll figure out what to do once you get there.

How would I go about making a lever big enough to lift the Earth and where would I stand?


----------



## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

slyfox said:


> How would I go about making a lever big enough to lift the Earth and where would I stand?


Hmmm, this is a hard one. But you need something pure within you to be able to do it. Don't let anything hold back your spirit. You know what I mean. Whatever drug you take, it has to be pure.

My grandma was watching the MLB playoffs and complaining, "What happened to Ted Williams? Why is he not playing anymore, is he injured?" I no longer follow baseball, can someone let me know what the deal is so I can tell my grandma.


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

He's now a black man with a "golden voice".

What's 50% lime, 45% manatee and 5% jinxed?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Florida orange juice? :shrug

Whycome you have no tattoo of (insert race here) pride on your forehead? I'm so disappointed right now.


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Whycause I don't want to label myself. I prefer being labelled a **** sapien, just like everyone else. Any other form of addressing me will be ignored.

If you were to go to Mars today, what would you say to your loved ones tomorrow?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Hi everybody. Just thought i'd stay here for a bit until you all die of ebola or get slaughtered by IS. I'll come back when the coast is clear.

Can humans survive on diet of dog food?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

I'm pretty sure dead birds and dead squirrels that've been crushed by traffic is on every human's menu.

If Jim Morrison is Luke Skywalker, Janis Joplin is Princess Leia, and Hendrix is Han Solo, then who is Darth Vader?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

That would have to be Jim Morrison's father, George Stephen Morrison.

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its turning on?


----------



## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Because "going off" means going off as in a bomb going off. Same difference.

If you believe in six degrees of separation, and Kevin Bacon gets Eboli, aren't we all just screwed?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Kevin Bacon's Footloose dancing is magical and cures all, so no worries.

If my cat tells me to rob a bank, shouldn't he go to jail with me?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

No, he will just lose one of his 9 lives

If I run fast enough off a cliff will I fly?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

if you are Wylie E Kyote yes..... but you will only fall if you look down, and then when you realize this.... an exclamation mark will come above your head.

then you plummet, you grab the exclamation mark and try to bend it into an question mark, which yo then use as a hook to break your fall on a jagged rock, therefore saving you.


hand is to glove as head is to hat is foot is to..... what ?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Mouth.

Is it legal to get an abortion in the 12th month of pregnancy?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

yes but only if the mother forgot she was preg.

Why can't you just put a massive air conditioning unit somewhere on Earth to stop global warming?


----------



## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Because then the oceans would freeze and a new ice age will be upon us.

If a unicorn and a leprechaun mated would their child make rainbow colored gold?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Not sure but he/she it would probably end up in Wonka's chocolate factory. 

Can you sing a high E5 octave note just like Mariah Carey?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Yes. Autotune, my friend.

How many different ways can you spell _onomatopoeia_?


----------



## 525826 (Aug 29, 2014)

1? @[email protected]

What does SNSD stand for?


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Sinister ninjas staring dangerously


----------



## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

nobutapower said:


> What does SNSD stand for?


Snorlax-Nosepass Standoff Directory. It's a catalogue of all the battles that have ever happened between Nosepass and Snorlax.

Has anyone ever done a blood test to see if John Madden really is Santa Claus' illegitimate son?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

I believe so. And Steve Madden, Santa's other son, makes Santa's boots. 

Has anyone ever done a blood test to see if Larry King really is Santa Muerte's son?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

yes Dracula did a test...... he says that they taste a little different ..... so they cannot be related.

When *should *you eat yellow snow?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

As soon as you see it. It quickly loses its freshness

My cat prefers canned cat food to most human food. Does this mean cat food is better and I should also be eating it?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Most definitely. You should also be using kitty litter. Saves on toilet paper. 

Halloween is coming, if I stock up on garlic to protect me from vampires and silver bullets to defend myself from werewolves, will zombies still devour me in my sleep?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Most likely. Your only chance is to devour them first.

If you are what you eat, doesn't that mean cannibals are the only real human beings?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Yes, we are basically walking food pyramids.

Why haven't you switched to gluten-free foods yet?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

no because gluten is not afraid of me, and I am not afraid of it.


what is a mathematicians favorite food... apart from 'pi ' of course ?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Baby formula. 

Why is snow cold?


----------



## Flamrazzle (Apr 9, 2013)

Because cats are photoluminescent.

Why did you spill the yoghurt?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because the yoga hurt and I couldn't hold it anymore.

Why was the X prefix from _Stacy's Mom_ removed?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Because she's no longer got it going on. 

Why don't humans lay eggs?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

because they are afraid that Hens capture them and boil them and eat the Human embryo within.


what is the next letter in this sequence. ?

A, Z, B, Y, C, X, D, W, T....... ?


----------



## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

KILOBRAVO said:


> what is the next letter in this sequence. ?
> 
> A, Z, B, Y, C, X, D, W, T....... ?


Emenello? Just a wild guess though......

Someone told me that they had bruno mars at the last super bowl.......what's a bruno mars? Why not dippin' dots like at basebal games?


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

A Bruno Mars is like a Mars bar, only it's made with Earth dust instead of the orignal Mars bars, which is made with Mars dust. 'Bruno' is the latin for Earth, hence why it got that name.

Why does the Canadian flag have a maple leaf on it?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Because they worship syrup there.

If a Sasquatch and a Yeti fought, who'd win?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

They wouldn't fight. They'd agree to settle it with a dance off, which would never happen because there aren't any dancing shoes that'll fit their big feet. 

Where are the pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

On a Pizza or a sub sandwich, obviously!

Why is there currently a conflict over which is the best species to have as household pet? I thought the war ended.


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

coeur_brise said:


> On a Pizza or a sub sandwich, obviously!


Great, now I'm hungry.



coeur_brise said:


> Why is there currently a conflict over which is the best species to have as household pet? I thought the war ended.


It did. And dogs were the winners -- paws down.

Where did the seashells she was selling at the seashore go?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

The little mermaid needed a new bikini.

How do you know when you've eaten way too much Boo Berry?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

You get berry runny boos . 

Why does the sun set in the west


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Because it likes to go to sleep at night amongst beautiful scenery. 

Would a woodchuck still chuck wood if he had to file tax returns regarding all the wood the woodchuck chucked?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Yes, woodchucks are very competent when it comes to their taxes.

What if bats aren't just rodents with wings, what if mice and rats are wingless rodents?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Then you would see tears in their eyes when they listen to R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly.

A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. When is the day?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

This will happen if the price of Prozac gets so high that only wealthy business women can afford it.

Can of beans cat flap it's wings on a spitfire without smoke?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Sure, if the flame is coming from a djinn, a demon of the smokless fire.

If you have to puke and poop at the same time, how would you handle it in the bathroom?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Puke from the behind, poop from the other end. It works that way.

If you mix chicken wings with buffalo wings, what do you get?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

Somehow, I thought those wings would look much more meaty and tasty. :/

Why do I keep having to clean my apartment? What happened to the trolls, elves, or fairies who are supposed to take care of these things while I'm asleep?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Trolls are illegal immigrants and were taken back to Europe. The elves are on strike. And the faeries became strippers for better pay.

How come there aren't any video games where you're a serial killer, like a GTA styled game where you hunt people down for kill cred?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because it's more real when you're just a regular Joe trying to get to the other side of the town. With hookers and gangsters in your way.

If you and your smart phone took an IQ test, whose would be higher?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Me, because my brain is like a whole two iPhones.

Who'd win in a knife fight, a sushi chef or a roast chef?


----------



## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

The creepy guy from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre would kill them both.

How do you know when you're truly koo-koo for CocoPuffs?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

I imagine when you start crushing them up and snorting them is when you should realize you have a problem.

How come in horror movies ancient evils are always hibernating--does the evil get bored or something?


----------



## FunkyMonkey (Nov 26, 2012)

no bugs have to slowly peice together their decayed bones which takes years an years until finally they form an army to take over the world! 

Why does rain always make me wet


----------



## dontbelong (Oct 16, 2014)

Smash mouth 
have you seen my wifes placenta?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Yeah, um. Some guy took it to the lab to turn it into pill form. You should be receiving your wife's placenta pills in the mail.

So... What are you going to do with those pills?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Take all of them so that I can become a superhero with the proportionate strength and abilities of a fetus.

What should my fetus-powered superhero name be?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

The Fetal Position? 

Can I be as strong as Popeye if I eat nothing but spinach?


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

No, you'll be as strong as the Hulk, and your skin will have the same green hue. 

Are you REALLY what you eat?


----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Does a cow eat beef?

Does the new deadly virus Ebola scare you?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Yeah I have ebolaphobia.

Would you trust a guy named Hitler to run your country even if he has nothing to do with Adolf Hitler?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

yes. because surely its wrong to tar all Hitlers with the same brush. Give tht namesake a second chance. . even if the First name was Adolf. 


what is the next word in this sequence.?

Apple, Banana, Cherry, Date, .....?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

You have to glue enough together into a shape big enough to fit an elephant tusk if it was a box. Once the glue dries you then carve it into the shape of an elephant tusk.

If I take a piece of coal and squeeze it hard enough with my hands can I create a diamond?


----------



## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

No but you will probably give yourself hand cramps. 

Have you ever head butted a wall on purpose?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

No, but a wall head-butted me.  Walls turn into dicks when your drunk.

How many toes am I holding up?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

if I guess corectly then i hope its 10 . and they hold you up.... not the other way round.


if I replace the vinegar that pickles are in with sugar water are they still pickles?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Yes cause although they ain't pickling anymore they have been Peter Piper picked.

Can you make lemons out of lemonade?


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Yes you use reverse psychology

Who would win in a fight robocop or terminator..?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Harry potter of course 

Why are cats hairy .


----------



## Wagnerian (Aug 5, 2014)

Grog said:


> Harry potter of course
> 
> Why are cats hairy .


Billions of years of interbreeding with furbies.

If you eat too many donuts will you turn into a cop, or is that something they just try to scare you with in health class?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

You have to be infected with the a-hole virus for the donuts to mutate you into an authority abuser. SCIENCE!!1

Is Ebola being racist?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Quite honestly yes, and I'm getting sick of it. 

What is Taylor Swift's charm, her country-ness or red lipstick?


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

Her red lipstick, which is able to convince the world that she's actually a good singer.

If a Octopus has eight tentacles, and a Octogen has eight sides, why is October the 10th months of the year and not the 8th ?


----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Because Plato and all the other guys that supposedly "mapped" the cosmos forgot that "oct" means 8.

Do you think the snickers commercial with the horseless headsman is funny?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Do you think the snickers commercial with the horseless headsman is funny?[/QUOTE]

Yeah i snickered uncontrollably. Sorry.

What?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

what? such an ambiguous question . 

how many feathers on the last pigeon you saw?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

None. It was a clay pigeon.

Is it possible to understand nonsense?


----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

Is it possible to understand Yoda's parables?

Which is brighter: a star, or our sun?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

The star is brighter and better. The entire world doesn't revolve around the sun, you know. Such arrogance. 

Why do people say French sounds like frogs, I've never heard a frog speak french?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

It's because ******* frenchies who won't help English only speaking folk in France make as much seance as a frog . 
Sorry for the serious answer . But they wouldn't help me cause I can't speak French even though I tried . Jerks the lot of them smelly stinky jerks . 
The few that did help this doesn't apply to them . 


Where do cats go when they disappear for days


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

They go on stealth hunts and reconnaissance missions to gather information on other cats. They have secret places, nooks, survive on mice and/or other unknown human providers who may be supporting their cause.

Where do dogs go when they disappear for days?


----------



## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

To plan and plot strategies for their war against cats. The rumors you heard are true, they DO NOT like each other. 

What planets do cats and dogs originate from?


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Cats are from the planet where nobody notices if you're crazy and dogs are from the planet of the most underrated teeth.

If everyone on earth pooped at the same time, what would happen?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Utter chaos and worldwide panic will be unfolding just before everyone did as there won't be enough toilets to cope with the demand. It's a possibility that the Roman empire collapsed due to such an occurrence.

Is it illegal to do absolutely nothing but breath?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

It is in North Korea.

Captain Planet vs. The Toxic Avengers--who'd win?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I'll just go with Toxic Avengers because Captain Planet did not take pollution down to zero. ough he did say "The power is YOURS!" which means we have to do the rest of his work. aw crap.

Why can't I erase/rewrite part of my history, I mean Kim Jong Un did it, why can't I?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Because he has the pen you know THE peeeeennnnn oooohhhhh. 

Why is blood red in colour and not green


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

blood is green in things like crabs .. there use cuprocyanin (copper) rather than hemoglobin (iron). trouble is that its not nearly as good as carrying oxygen that in hemoglobin..... so if you chase a crab it gets tired easily,. ( hey... thats not a stupid answer.. it the truth!!)


what is next number in sequence. ?

-1, 5, 1, -2, 10, 2, -3, 15, 3, -4,, 20, 4, -5 ..... ?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

An arbitrary number. Let's say:698,999,871,653,760,456,877.85745436546347436213214212967008798770965575674

Can making rules ever be banned?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Paradoxical rules happen all the time. Look at democracy. Without a strong republic, people, apparently, have the right to vote against others' rights.  (I realize that wasn't a necessarily silly answer, but sometimes the truth is sillier than what can be make up.)

Isn't reclassifying Pluto as a dwarf planet considered planetist?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

No because that's like saying an Asian person is Asian. It is what it is. Pluto should honestly accept himself for who he is to be described as, a dwarf planet.

If s process A, which is running with a quantum greater than its run to completion, is preempted due to ready process B having a lower remaining CPU time, what is the likelihood that process A's feelings get hurt?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Chances are high if process B intercepts A with direct current as opposed to alternating current. Then their two energies clash at different points in time, basically whichever one does a complete cycle of circuitry and administers a flow to the other will hurt the other and vice versa.

Have you ever run into a magnet that hurt like hell?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Only when I wear my knight armor. Which is sadly quite a lot. I love wearing my armor...in my house.

How come south is down and north is up on maps?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Because if you unscramble the word maps you get spam. The map creators had no idea what they were doing so they spammed random words they could find as their keywords. They happened to be north south east and west. Does that mean Kanye West's name is inherently spam? Yes, yes it is.

What happens when an ostrich sticks its head under quicksand?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

the head gets sucked into a black hole... a singularity in terms of quicksand gravitation. the neck gets longer and longer and time stops for the ostrich as Special relativity stared. it was knows and the Einstein-ostrich hypothesis.

If I have 2 apples , but eat 3 times.... how many have I left? what can I do with the banana?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Zero apples plus 1 apple in negative space. The banana you can eat then throw the peel on the ground so a cartoon can walk by and slip on it.

Do you ever think what it'd be like to be ruled by giants who kept humans as pets and patted them on the head whenever they were being "good"?


----------



## DanTheOutlaw (May 29, 2014)

coeur_brise said:


> Zero apples plus 1 apple in negative space. The banana you can eat then throw the peel on the ground so a cartoon can walk by and slip on it.
> 
> Do you ever think what it'd be like to be ruled by giants who kept humans as pets and patted them on the head whenever they were being "good"?


Only when I masturbate, more on a fantasizing level actually.

Did it occur to the German SS that they were the bad guys when they noticed they had skulls and bones on their caps?


----------



## Baalzebub (Jun 15, 2013)

No, they just thought it looked really metal.

Why isn't melted ice cream called "water cream?"


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

That's a really good point, it's because the ions in the cream have changed thus rendering it, non-aqueous "not-water cream".

Why does cough syrup taste like energy drinks?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Yes, I think about how great the Snu Snu would be.

Wrong question answered, awkward. Cough syrup tastes like energy drinks because the first thing you need for a sore throat are wings to fly away from the problem.

If the Spanish word adios means bye, and the word dios means god, does that mean that the word adios really means you are saying bye to the gods?


----------



## Baalzebub (Jun 15, 2013)

Yes, but the gods just don't get the hint; Ishtar just left me 3 messages on my answering machine.

How is rock-paper-scissors a fair game if rock realistically has the advantage over both scissors and paper?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

neither object has any advantage over the other,. its nothing more that a game of utter nonsense. if you disagree..... then we must play ''rock, paper , scissors' to decide the argument. ( best of 3 wins )


What was the name of Chuck Norris school bully?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

His reflection doesn't have a name.

I think my cat has ebola--what should I do?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

give it a cat enema..... that will clear the ebola.....it shoudltn have eaten it in the first place.


it is snowing yellow snow...... so what can be done about the other yellow snow... how the hell can we tell it apart now? OMG , then we cant risk any yellow snow !


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

If it smells like lemons, make a lemonade slushi. If it smells like piss...make a urine slushi! 

Why does my carpet keep moving? Note: I ate a lot of shrooms...that were growing out of my carpet.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

check under that carpet.... because maybe it is begin carried away on a regimented platoon or ants.


what is the next word in sequence?

ant, bin, cat, dog, egg, zulu, .......


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

The top hat Monopoly piece.

Did I create this thread or am I hallucinating -- http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f31/versus-1224801/ ?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

The hallucinatory effects should wear off soon. I think that could be a parallel universe thread that somehow ended up here. Weird.

Can you be so smart that your dumb.... is like ten points smarter than you are?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Indubitably. Using certain diction to propagate higher levels of mental faculties to your fellow ****-sapiens may come across as an ineptitude in social interaction due to a lack of practicality in speech. Also, over-analyzing of one's self may cause paranoia and anxiety, thus causing more of a social segregation.

Poop: why does it smell?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I've always wondered about this. And I think simply that the poop molecules float into the air, eventually hitting the receptors in your nose. So its like you're literally inhaling molecules of... Crap, I don't know!

So who do you think is going to win the Nobel Prize this year, Kim K. or that dude you never heard about until he won the Nobel Prize?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Pinky, much to the chagrin of Brain, will win by not only proving that mice should be treated like people and animals rights should be put on the list of civil rights, but that he's, albeit accidentally, stopped Brain's many concocted plans of world domination.

If the Star Wars Empire is to WWII German Soldiers/Nazis, then what are the Borg from Star Trek the equivalent to?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

Chuck Norris.

May I take a selfie of you?


----------



## spitfire444 (Feb 7, 2014)

Yes, using your pinhole camera, and black cape.

Is this all we have ?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Nah, we also have that. This and that.

If we know how many licks it takes to get the center of a Tootsie Pop (364), how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Earth?


----------



## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

If a Tootsie Pop takes 364 licks, then the earth must take 36,400, because the mathematical formula is Tootsie Pop licks multiplied by 100 to get the total number of licks it takes to reach the earth centre. 

If the Earth is round, why don't Australians fall off?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Magical dungaroos. (Not to derail, but click "true shape of Earth" into Google Image and you'll see that without the atmosphere, our planet is lumpy as crap. It look like an asteroid. Which kind makes sense.)

Why hasn't James Cameron made a sequal to Titanic where Rose discovers Atlantis and then becomes a mermaid like them to defend against invading humans trying to take their special atlantium through military force?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

He was too busy making Avatar, the next Ferngully.or perhaps there was no need for a sequel since all that mattered was the old lady throwing away a precious sapphire necklace into the ocean like a bad ***.

I missed this thread. Anyway, what happens if you mix Pepsi and Coke products together - do they explode?


----------



## BackToThePast (Aug 31, 2012)

Well it depends how you mix it. If you snort the Coke and then drink the Pepsi-Bismol and mix it in your bowels that way, surely you will explode.

How does one go about going one dozen howitzers?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Skipping through the battlefield I against them, or, if on the offensive side, tying them all together to one big rope and pulling. 

If The Flash can go faster than the speed of light, than wouldn't he be unable to see?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

The flash can see because he has really really good long vision .

If the world spun the opposite way at the same speed and every thing would it change any thing for us .


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Yea, we'd start rewinding, walking and talking backwards, etc.

Is the moon jealous of the sun? I mean, gets less hours of notice, more often than not.


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Do you think the planet will ever sink?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Moon isn't jealous because it can get in between the sun and earth every now and then. Plus it rules the tides mwahaha! 
@Amon: Yes.

If you had a million kajillion dollars, would you make it rain by building a rain machine?


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Yes I can see the investment potential for making a rainbow whenever I want 


If real money was made of chocolate would you eat it or spend it ..?


----------



## willowmore (Nov 28, 2014)

Hmm. Eat all the chocolate. And all real money. And then use Monopoly money to buy more chocolate.

Will the daffodils ever blossom like they did last Spring? (a la homage Tom Odell <3)


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

They'll blossom exactly like they never did before.  Nothing's a perfect copy.

Try, try they might, but why, why they fight?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Travel to the sun and take notes for our Astronomy class?


----------



## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

JustThisGuy said:


> They'll blossom exactly like they never did before.  Nothing's a perfect copy.
> 
> Try, try they might, but why, why they fight?


For taco's obviously.



Amon said:


> Travel to the sun and take notes for our Astronomy class?


No that's silly it's really dark in space you won't be able to see your notes.

If a person who loves fish is a icthyophiliac, and I love taco's with chicken, rice and cheese with sour cream and lettuce, what am I?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Poultry-tacophiliac with rice?

Who named Yoo-Hoo "Yoo-Hoo"?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

To party in the woods and oceans and even behind the moon.

Why is entropy the end?


----------



## Harbinger1 (Feb 23, 2014)

i dont know what entropy is 

why didnt i google it?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Google can send a psychic link to our brains now, refusing the use of it by sheer willpower. Soon it will rule us all.

Why am I procrastinating doing fun things, like reading?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because you secretly know that reading's not cool and that motorcycles are way funner and getting drunk while pretending to be cool is way cooler and fun.

Should Harper Lee name her sequel something like "Tequila Mockingbird: Scout's College Experience" or will a lawyer come up with some other name unlike anything Lee agreed to?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

They'll probably go with Swig and Swallow: College Daze.

Must the entropy come so soon? Billions of years is nothing in the cosmic grand scheme of things.


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

yes

How much moral fiber should be in your diet if you wanna be a good person?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Not too much,If the world was upside down,would we fall into space?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

No, the grass will turn to Velcro and grab our shoes, and all shoe makers make a special sole that we don't know about, just in case this happens. Only Aussies know about it, but they keep it a big secret.

Why me think?


----------



## The Islander (Nov 11, 2013)

You no Think, you Tarzan.

My eye hurts when I poke it with a stick. Is this normal or should I be worried?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

It's normal,but poke it more until it deflates..The earth is flat?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

With some bumps on it. You know, mountains. It looks like LIFE board game, or Candyland.

My does my surgical incision hurt?


----------



## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

because you didn't staple it enough 

Can you make grape juice from grapes?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Only if they're made of wax.

(Weird, I just got my staples out.)

How many soldiers will it take to fight a war for peace?


----------



## Barakiel (Oct 31, 2013)

Two - one to screw in the lightbulb, the other to watch

How do you prevent a stream of consciousness from spilling?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

You boil it 450F and let it steam.

I found a turtle, why isn't it a ninja?


----------



## IveGotToast (Jan 1, 2013)

No, just a used Hyundai. 

Is it okay to get a sponge wet?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

As long as your not a tease and follow through, then no, I don't think so.

Why won't my truck turn over?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Because it's not a truck..If you go to China,will you get eaten if you're dressed up as an animal?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Apparently not Hello Kitty cats or Pandas. They stopped that.

How much pizza is too much pizza when the topping is nothing but cheese and pineapple?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

It's a secret..Science dont make no sense,If heat rises,why antarctica on the top of the earth?


----------



## Choci Loni (May 12, 2011)

If heat rises the antarctic glaciers will melt. This will disrupt the millennia long balance which is only upheld by the fact that Antarctica is heavier than Arctic. The center of mass of earth will shift ever so slightly, causing the now lighter southern hemisphere to float to the top.

Imagine the scenario where 84% of the population gains mind reading abilities over night. How would the resulting drastic plummeting of dating advise books sales affect the economic development of former Soviet republics? 

Illustrations supporting your answer are desirable, but in no way mandatory.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Despite the mind reading, the traditional ways of marrying would still hold in the former Republics. No dating books need be sold. Though, the thoughts of the republic may form a collective and through that alone, would bombard the current president's head with opposition causing his head to explode thus ushering in a new era for their country. Um.. 20% is my answer plus a pickle.

What time is it on the Sun? And how many Sun days would it take to travel around the earth?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

no time on the sun. there never was time on the sun. but eventually all there will exist time wise.... in the constant time of night . which wont exist in out time .


where is the thing, on the thing, that was next to the last thing you remember?


----------



## Choci Loni (May 12, 2011)

It's there behind that thing which isn't there because I put it there on the other thing which resembles that things which is a flan.

If you were a glowing ball of light radiating 200 lumen equally spread in all directions whilst floating in the center of a sphere with reflective surfaces- why would you still be convinced that squirrels secretly control the world?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Because, every single squirrel controls each site that those lumen cover. Some acorns aren't acorns, there acornicopia of alarms and surveillance. They're always watching. I've already said too much. *runs*

Wait... My question... Why do some birds not fly south for the winter, like cardinals and bluejays?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

They are allied against the squirrels that control the lumens. Their primary job is to annoy the squirrels that bark up the wrong tree. Plus they steal their food and distract squirrels so they forget where they hid the acorns. Some birds gotta eat. Do not tell anyone that this is an intelligence unit.

Why don't humans migrate down south for the winter? It would save a lot of grief and frostbite. Or do they fly down there like birds too?


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Because they feel sorry for their houses that they would have to leave behind.

Where would you go if you (literally) disappeared?


----------



## Choci Loni (May 12, 2011)

I would go to the place north of the north pole. I would go where you end up if you dig a hole straight down from the center of the earth. I would go to the nonexistent space enclosed within the singularity of a black hole. I would go beyond the edges of the universe and all dimensions known and unknown to man.

Nah.. In fact I'm hiding behind that tree.

Why don't sheep eat sharks?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

They are not a fan of seafood,Why do they need to teach us Math in school,we have a calculator for a reason.


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

It's a long-winded answer, but to sum 8) it up... Pyramid scheme.

Why are the trash guys picking up the trash on their left than their right now, like they used to?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

There are rumors going around that their right arms were cut off during their interviews and replaced with a robotic arm,but are keeping it a secret and plotting something big.Death is coming to me,but it's been hours...does death not have a GPS?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Death still uses the stars to track people. Give him time. 

Why are car crashes fun to watch but terrible to experience? It should be like rollercoaster, shouldn't it?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Glue yourself to the seat and get rid of your emotions during the accident.Servant,will you run 5 miles non-stop because I told you to?


----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

No, I can even run 5 seconds without getting winded.


If my phone is so smart, why does it let me use it?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

It's lazy,0asdcjnwe2j3f?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

до пожалуйста. я плохо говорю по-русски.

I forgot my stupid question. Can you remember it for me?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

No,I lost it,Will you give up a vital organ,and play soccer with it?


----------



## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Yes, i would play soccer with my balls


Why can't i think of an stupid question?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because they don't exist. People are hiding the truth. The government doesn't want you to know

Why do we have to have punctuation marks it doesn't make sense


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

It makes the word look more fancy,Why won't it stay dark all day,the sun needs a break.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Cuz God said, "Let there be light." And so light, being his first child was like, "You can't tell me what to do, I do whatever I want so nyahhh" And then it flies away at high speed, waving good bye (meaning go-be-wi-ye)

I'm tired. Can you put me to sleep without the use of chloroform?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

But I thought you liked chloroform? Carbon-monoxide it is.

Is the time stream pee from a giant?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

time stream pee is actually an inversion of the term 'pee stream time', an annual event wherebye thoasands of participants store pee in their bladders for weeks and then pee at the top of a hill. The locals then slide down the hill on a stream of piss. 

how much of my leg would have to be cut off for me to be able to claim benefits?


----------



## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

A foot in the middle 

Are words stupid or is stupid the only stupid word ..?


----------



## GameGuy (Oct 5, 2011)

No, words are just how stupid people communicate. 

Which is bigger, Uranus, or Your Anus?


----------



## Gothic Cupcakes (Mar 24, 2015)

UrAnus is smallbigger.

What is the keyboard shortcut for a question mark?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

A quicker way to type question mark is to spit on the keyboard.

Can you shoot yourself in the back if you live on a small planet like a small planet like Pluto?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Only if you have a long enough gun with a curved barrel

What are the best building materials to build a tower to heaven?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Legos.

What kind of fuel do I need for my robotic dinosaur?


----------



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

whale sperm 


What's a stupid question?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

A question with an answer. 

What's a stupid answer?


----------



## Memories of Silence (May 15, 2015)

An answer that doesn't know what the question was.

What do rocks eat?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Additional minerals

If I treated it like a very complex jigsaw puzzle, could I reassemble a cow from various kinds of ground meat?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

You could but you would need to dress it in leather boots, trousers and jacket to achieve the correct surface finish and texture

is the see level rising because the poo we dump in it is displacing the water?


----------



## Demure (Jul 14, 2014)

Go "see" for yourself.

I can has cheezburger?


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Cat's don't get human food. Sorry.

I can has cat food?


----------



## Demure (Jul 14, 2014)

Hoomanz cant haz kat food!

What's your favorite idea? (Mine is being creative!)


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

A jukebox in a bar that's wired to make a loud record scratch noise followed by a few seconds of silence every time someone walks in the door. 

Snuggies are awesome, but are they so awesome that you actually drove somewhere at night with one on like I definitely didn't do a couple nights ago?


----------



## Demure (Jul 14, 2014)

Instead of buying a snuggie, you snuggle with porcupines (believe me, they'll love it; and it's SO comfortable).

Have you ever cried because you found a fanny pack filled with chocolate pudding instead of vanilla?


----------



## themolehillismine (Aug 7, 2014)

Yes you will get 1000 honey but if you're playing Streetfighter you won't be able to punch or adorkin.


how much does pubic hair sell for?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Depends. Black is common, so that's $50 an ounce. Blonde'll get you $100, but red will go for $500 a pop.

Is stupid is as stupid does?


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

stupid did as stupid did as is always, or nearly always as it prefers to do.

Now then? how do i collect the rainbow and put it in the jar, without the colors recombining back to white light again? CAN I have 7 jars, each of the separate colors?


----------



## NE2 (May 5, 2015)

Rainbows turn to gold when you try to catch them in containers.

Wherefore art thou Romeo?


----------



## Boertjie (Aug 7, 2014)

Going through some serious detox...

Do you like bellydancing in a grass skirt on a wet trampoline while juggling three peeled overripe mangos?


----------



## NE2 (May 5, 2015)

Boertjie said:


> Going through some serious detox...


He's Romeo because he's going through detox? Weird.


----------



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Boertjie said:


> Going through some serious detox...
> 
> Do you like bellydancing in a grass skirt on a wet trampoline while juggling three peeled overripe mangos?


No but I enjoy twerking in my brony and proud t shirt on the mcdonalds lunch table.

Why is hillbillies twerking so bootylicious?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Because they can make a full moon shine. ;D

Why does my arm hurt when I pinch it?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Because you didn't pinch hard enough to destroy the nerves

Why don't dragons exist even after I tried believing really hard that they did?


----------



## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Because you are not chasing the dragon hard enough.


Why am I straight!?!?!


----------



## Mikko (Jan 21, 2014)

Because you are sit straight.

Why can't we sit on clouds?


----------



## digmeup (Jul 8, 2015)

Because if we could, we'd be able to fly and the birds would get jealous.

Why do gnomes wear pointy hats?


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

The hats make them seem taller than they really are. They are very self-conscious about their height

Who has been turning gnomes into statues and placing them in peoples yards?


----------



## whatever234 (May 22, 2015)

when santa runs out of ideas for presents he turns his elves into stone and use them as presents why else

why can't i think of a question?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Because all the questions in the world have a conspiracy against you.

Why does this grape soda taste like medicine?


----------



## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

Grape soda is a conspiracy.

Why is Packard second to Hewlett?


----------



## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Obvious,because P comes after H..If today is yesterdays tomorrow..what is last weeks yesterdays tomorrow today?


----------



## owls (Oct 23, 2010)

it makes sense that yesterday is today what tomorrow is for last week.

why is my phone off?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

It got tired of your yakking.

Why does everything I hug to death start smelling?


----------



## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

JustThisGuy said:


> It got tired of your yakking.
> 
> Why does everything I hug to death start smelling?


Because you bathed in princess juice.

How would you feel if your foot had 19 children inside it?


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I'd be horrified and yet... I might get a t.v. show.

How do you define bad blood between two feuding superstars?


----------



## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

Ratings *__*

When will chat come back..


----------



## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

When we pay our subscriptions. Duh. 

Where does the sun go at night?


----------



## samiisprink (Jul 27, 2015)

It doesn't go anywhere. It turns around on its side so we only see its dark side. Thats why its dark at night. 
Do you think its easier for smart people or dumb people to think of stupid questions?


----------



## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Dumb people because they just whack their head on the keyboard and create a question without overthinking it.

Should I make my home turtle-proof or hare-proof?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Turtle-proof. They always win at the end so it must mean they're use some sort of tactic. Once you're not looking its like 'boom. Got you with a homemade turtle shank mother****er'. Then they smile and cross the finish line.. Lol

Classic question, if I travel to Sweden and its already nighttime there, does this mean I've time traveled?


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Yes but you are not permitted to look at your watch during the travel.

Can i sue myself for being socially anxious and win the case and put me in jail for 20 years and then cure myself one way or another because I'm not going to spend 20 years of my life in prison?


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## samiisprink (Jul 27, 2015)

Yes, but only if you ask judge that you paid off before to put you in jail for the money back so that the entire trial could be undone in order to have a solid case to get you out of jail.

If i eat 10 cupcakes but tell everyone that I've only eaten 2 have I eaten 10 cupcakes or 2?


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## Peighton (Jun 12, 2015)

samiisprink said:


> Yes, but only if you ask judge that you paid off before to put you in jail for the money back so that the entire trial could be undone in order to have a solid case to get you out of jail.
> 
> If i eat 10 cupcakes but tell everyone that I've only eaten 2 have I eaten 10 cupcakes or 2?


Neither. You took too long deciding so I burnt them in the freezer.

How come the freezer doesn't cook?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Because you have it set to frap.

How come Jebus doesn't love me?


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## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

It is really Jeepbus and he is mad you haven't gotten him a jeep and a bus

If I am what I eat, why don't I grow leaves and roots when I eat vegetables?


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## seeking777 (Oct 24, 2012)

Because your pores are clogged with fat from ice cream and fried chicken so the roots and leaves can't get through. 

Why do people ask why the chicken crossed the road rather than why the road crossed the chicken?


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## samiisprink (Jul 27, 2015)

Because no one has cared about the road ever since "that day". We cant talk about it.

When humpty dumpty fell off the wall why didnt the soldiers and horses call their wives to help put him back together.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

They were at a concert listening to a cat with a fiddle.

Why don't aliens probe hot people?


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## Perkins (Dec 14, 2010)

Because all the hotties are aliens.

How do you spell F-B-I?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

E-F-B-E-I.

What's the difference between butt cheeks and face cheeks?


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## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

The distance from Uranus. Your face is obviously closer, since it's higher above the earth and, therefore, nearer to the sun and the rest of the solar system. 

Why is it acceptable to bite your fingernails in public, but not your toenails?


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

CharmedOne said:


> The distance from Uranus. Your face is obviously closer, since it's higher above the earth and, therefore, nearer to the sun and the rest of the solar system.
> 
> Why is it acceptable to bite your fingernails in public, but not your toenails?


A: because toes can talk and they often fly at night while you sleep, toes also sing the kitchen song.

Q: Gulenshnoo vor loxy von helgi shoop?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

0abewur32brwk3ln
Water doesn't come out from the other side of the planet because?


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## Baldy Nohairs (Jun 20, 2015)

Because the world is flat

Why do people always lose their tubes of chapsticks and hair elastics?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think those are for communal use. Lay it down on the ground and the next person can use it.

If the end is near, are you staying for the credits?


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Yes, so I can see the post-credits scene. opcorn

If green eggs and ham are green, what color is the bacon?


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

If the ham's green, then the pig's green, so I'm guessing the bacon is green too.

Say that you travel through a wormhole. What's on the other side?


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## Baldy Nohairs (Jun 20, 2015)

Guessing you entered thru the mouth, and now you're leaving out the butt... poo, poo is on the other side

Why are rocks hard


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Most of them appear to work out at the gym I'm at.

Who crossed the road first the chicken or the egg?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

The egg because it cracked and the yolk decided to slide it's way across
Why did you fail your Math class in the year 1514?


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Because I skipped class to time travel to the year 2016.

How do I make lemon cake without adding any citrus ingredients?


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## Amethyst Forest (Jul 29, 2012)

Go buy some lemonade mix, lemon flavored juice, or imitation lemon extract, but be sure that whatever you choose contains 100% artificial flavors (preferably something that says "all artificial: no natural anything"; that's the only way to ensure that your cake will earn the Certified Citrus Free seal of approval.

Why do we drive on parkways, only to end up parking in driveways?


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## Baldy Nohairs (Jun 20, 2015)

Because everyone in the world doesn't know how to drive, therefore making the person in charge of naming that stuff absolutely clueless. 

Why do doctors ALWAYS have something bad to say about you.


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## Wanderlust89 (Apr 4, 2014)

It's their job. They can't make money by giving you good news.

Why aren't real bears as soft and cuddly as teddy bears?


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## SwerveMcNerve (Sep 2, 2012)

They are, go pet one.

What color is the color blue?


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## Baldy Nohairs (Jun 20, 2015)

You know that liquid stuff you drink - water? well... look at water, lots of water. That is the colour of blue

Why do we have 10 fingers and 10 toes?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

I have 9 fingers and 10 toes. Everyone else is a mutated freak.

Why don't androids dream of electric giraffes?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Harrison Ford likes mutton and wookies better.

Do you think people who never get sick are being rejected by disease causing organisms?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Yes because something went wrong during the date
Why won't the moon & the sun take a photo together?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

The moon is self-conscious and feels the sun is far more photogenic.

How come there's no channel 0 on the television?


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

There is. You have to press the power button to view it.

What is a 'rude boy'?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Nobody knows..Is 60 seconds the same as 1 minute?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I think it is sixty firsts in a minute. 60 minutes is the time required for a womin to get ready since time dilates according to Einstein's relativity and speeding things up would warp the space-time continuum and probably your face.

If you have to wait an hour after you eat to go swimming, what do fish do?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

No..How come the color white is so white?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

crest white strips

Ever sold something that wasn't worth anything?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

A life..Why can't people accept the fact that common core math will become common?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Since the total sum of all events is zero, math is little more than rearranging the furniture.

If we are mostly made of water, shouldn't most of the water run down to our toes when we stand up?


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## BAH (Feb 12, 2012)

Negative because stuff is like blocking it.
When it's foggy outside..why doesn't the fog come into my room & make it impossible to see?


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Fog is claustrophobic, which is sad because all it does is make others feel the same way. Poor fog. So alone.

If I say Trump 5 times in a mirror, will his hair appear and _get me?_ :/


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Yes. Not only will his hair attack you but you'll get the same hairdo. Best not to play with fire. 

If you fathered Ivanka Trump, would you make weird comments about dating her?


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Maybe he's worried about Bill making a move.

If you kiss a frog to get a prince, what do you have to kiss get to get Keira Knightly?


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