# where are all are you nice guys hiding...?



## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

from reading through the posts, it seems like most if not all the guys here are nice guys. personally i've given up on finding a nice guy. all the guys i meet are either in a relationship or what some what called a "bad boy". obviously there's not a shortage of nice guys out there since a lot of the guys on this forum seem to be single and nice, so my question is, where are you people hiding?!


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## jerzeyb (Nov 19, 2005)

i can't speak for all nice guys, but because this is a forum for those who suffer from SA...i would guess, like me, most of the nice guys here are the same place i am.....at home alone. lol


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## Anatomica (May 23, 2005)

yeah me too...


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## theysee (Nov 15, 2003)

...


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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

no wonder it's so hard to find a nice guy these days...


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

The problem with us "nice guys" is that we're shy and aren't good at getting out and meeting people. Hence you don't generally meet any.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

Sorry about that ladies.
I just don't know where I am half the time. :b 

Well, let me think. A SA inflicted love shy single guy( the so called "nice guy") would probably be.... either at work doing their jobs quietly, at school doing their work silently and alone, or at home doing something like writing here. Those would be my guesses.

Those shy nice guys have a good ability to be invisible, and prefer not to be noticed. They might be the nerdy looking boy who occansionly looks at you, but dodges your eyes when you notice them. They might be the guy at a gathering who doesn't appear to be having a good time or is not talking to people. They might be the one who is watching other couples and carries a look of melancholy or annoyance. I'm just listing things here that are typical of shy guy behaivor. 

I don't know if that is what you expect of your "Nice Guy" or not, but it is what guys like me do. Problem is, they just can't make themselves apparent to you. See, I can say all this stuff here because I'm just letting my hands do the talking. In real life, if I met you, you'd be lucky if I even managed to ask "How are you?" or something like that. It's still such a difficult task to do something so simple, even for me.
So if a guy does ever do that, try to engage them more. They could be a Nice Guy.

... and one other thing. Nice Guys like myself like to know if the girl is single, but won't ever try to find out directly. If they think for whatever reason that you are not "available", they might back off from you. Not because they don't like you because your unvailable, but simply they know they can only go so far with you and think of it as an instant defeat.
I know you just can't announce your status to every guy you meet, I woundn't expect it. But it's just something to keep in mind as you look for a Nice Guy like the ones here.

Umm... hope some of that helped and enlightened you. Since you're here and can understand this stuff, I'm sure you could be a great girl for a Nice Guy when you find one. Good luck.


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## soundsgood (Nov 7, 2005)

I don't even know if i'd be considered a nice guy or not.

When people get to know me I definitly am a 'nice guy' but if you don't know me then I guess I could come accross as dickhead quite easily


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## Anatomica (May 23, 2005)

^ :agree , i think a lot of times, my stoic demeanor makes people think I'm stuck up, or unfriendly.


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## Guest (Jan 3, 2006)

where in my hiding? in my room where the BAD guys cant beat me up :afr


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## Free Radical (Jan 3, 2006)

really it's about assertiveness & confidence, i think.

i'm very nice and extremely generous to people until i (or one of my friends) get crossed. i don't take crap from anybody...so if someone wants to start something with me then by all means. i suppose all the injustice i've been thru in my life has taught me to stand up for myself & others...


btw: Inane, that's an awesome quote.
I'm Damaged, btw...im sure you remember me from when i was batnuts insane on paxil


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## Anatomica (May 23, 2005)

Free Radical said:


> really it's about assertiveness & confidence, i think.
> 
> i'm very nice and extremely generous to people until i (or one of my friends) get crossed. i don't take crap from anybody...so if someone wants to start something with me then by all means. i suppose all the injustice i've been thru in my life has taught me to stand up for myself & others...
> 
> ...


oh hey, yeah i remember u, welcome back  
, and I agree with what ur saying, it's assertiveness and confidence that girls notices I think. Also, what BCdude is saying has some truth in it as well, as usually a "nice guy" lacks those two qualities. I guess a good guy, is one who is genuinely nice, but can also stand up for himself as well.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

<--- I'm over here. By train, you come via the North Jersey Coast Line. By car, I guess the Garden State Parkway.


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## Urkidding (Oct 12, 2005)

FreeSoul said:


> So if a guy does ever do that, try to engage them more. They could be a Nice Guy.


Bingo! It takes time and patience to get to know and appreciate a nice guy, especially a nice, quiet guy.

Now I've got Green Day's "Nice Guys Finish Last" song running through my mind. 

And Karla, I wouldn't be surprised if the nice single guys of SAS are sitting at their computers and admiring your avatar right now.


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## David1976 (Nov 8, 2003)

Hiding right here -> :hide


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

Urkidding said:


> And Karla, I wouldn't be surprised if the nice single guys of SAS are sitting at their computers and admiring your avatar right now.


aw, that's sweet :kiss

so, the only way for me to meet some cute SAS guy is if i come to your houses? :lol ....that didn't quite sound right did it? well, you know what i mean


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Karla said:


> so, the only way for me to meet some cute SAS guy is if i come to your houses? :lol ....that didn't quite sound right did it? well, you know what i mean


 :haha too funny

there was a thread started a few days ago about nice girls. a lot of similar ground is covered. take a read


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Karla said:


> Urkidding said:
> 
> 
> > And Karla, I wouldn't be surprised if the nice single guys of SAS are sitting at their computers and admiring your avatar right now.
> ...


Or you could come up to me and start a conversation with me first. But, if you are in Ohio, feel free to stop by my house.


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## elephant_girl (Dec 10, 2004)

Classified said:


> Karla said:
> 
> 
> > Urkidding said:
> ...


 :lol Um, somehow I don't think many guys here would feel _ok_ if some strang girl just showed up at their house and started talking to them. I know If that kind of thing happened to me I would pass out from the anxiety even if it was a nice guy standing at my door. But it is a nice thought, I would love to see someone actually go and do that.


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## mitch (Dec 16, 2005)

elephant_girl said:


> :lol Um, somehow I don't think many guys here would feel _ok_ if some strang girl just showed up at their house and started talking to them. I know If that kind of thing happened to me I would pass out from the anxiety even if it was a nice guy standing at my door. But it is a nice thought, I would love to see someone actually go and do that.


Karla, If you are willing to give that a try, I will attempt to not pass out when you come knocking :lol I, probably like most of the guys here, also wonder where all the nice girls are hiding. Maybe you could just be ready to catch me so I don't hit my head though? :kiss


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

elephant_girl said:


> :lol Um, somehow I don't think many guys here would feel _ok_ if some strang girl just showed up at their house and started talking to them. I know If that kind of thing happened to me I would pass out from the anxiety even if it was a nice guy standing at my door. But it is a nice thought, I would love to see someone actually go and do that.


... the stories I could tell... but another time, another place.

But a thought did occur to me regarding this whole "Nice Girl" can't find "Nice Guy" and versa issue. This place seems to be full of "Nice" people from what I've seen all over...
So, the thought is, why not anyone here? 
I can understand if you want something closer, I do myself. So is distance the only deciding factor here?...


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## Collibosher (Dec 10, 2003)

> from reading through the posts, it seems like most if not all the guys here are nice guys. personally i've given up on finding a nice guy. all the guys i meet are either in a relationship or what some what called a "bad boy". obviously there's not a shortage of nice guys out there since a lot of the guys on this forum seem to be single and nice, so my question is, where are you people hiding?!


 Across the pond from you, probably (assuming you're in the States, though you might not be...) I think the problem here is with shyness though, The nice girls don't find the nice guys easily because both parties are too damn timid to make an approach. I guess the bad boys succeed because they're more brazen.

Depends exactly on what you mean by nice, mind ... I know genuinely nice people who lead a lifestyle which might not be considered "respectable" by most people, but they're nice in all the ways that really matter (genuine, sincere, caring etc). Conversely, there are respectable people who don't strike me as being very nice at all.


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

pixiedust said:


> Karla said:
> 
> 
> > so, the only way for me to meet some cute SAS guy is if i come to your houses? :lol ....that didn't quite sound right did it? well, you know what i mean
> ...


i didn't notice that thread before, i'll definitely have to check it out


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## pixiedust (Aug 11, 2005)

Karla said:


> i didn't notice that thread before, i'll definitely have to check it out


 It's a good read, some insightful posts there. If it makes you feel any better I never seem to find the nice ones either. I always end up with the jerks and players because they're the ones that approach me. :?


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## B-Dog (Dec 19, 2003)

Im hiding in Ohio, heartbroken. Trying to figure out if its possible to give my self a frontal lobotomy so my mind stops racing :lol


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

B-Dog said:


> Im hiding in Ohio, heartbroken. Trying to figure out if its possible to give my self a frontal lobotomy so my mind stops racing :lol


I don't think they do those anymore but I'd be interested too. I think I'm already partway there....


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## SoulAssasins (Nov 2, 2005)

Yeah where the hell are you nice sweet girls?


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

darknightt said:


> To be honest, its easy to find a nice guy. You just have to be more assertive. Initially, us SA guys would love for a pretty girl (like the two girls above me) to make the first move!
> 
> This isn't a come on by any shape or form by the way :lol


i never approach a guy first, i always wait was them to talk to me. i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger? it would be kinda awkward to not know what to say.


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## Molten Universe (Feb 17, 2005)

Karla said:


> i never approach a guy first, i always wait was them to talk to me. i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger? it would be kinda awkward to not know what to say.


Exactly. There are plenty of girls in the world I'd love to get to know, I see them at the mall and other places. But it's not like I'd go up to them and just start talking to them. Starting conversations with complete strangers is not my cup of tea.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

Molten Universe said:


> The problem with us "nice guys" is that we're shy and aren't good at getting out and meeting people. Hence you don't generally meet any.


Pretty sums me up. I am not aggressive enough to go out to meet anyone. So pretty much I will spend my life alone.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> i never approach a guy first, i always wait was them to talk to me. i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger?


Well, uh, yeah, but did you ever consider that's what guys are supposed to go through?


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## Ktgurl (Dec 6, 2005)

Zephyr said:


> > i never approach a guy first, i always wait was them to talk to me. i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger?
> 
> 
> Well, uh, yeah, but did you ever consider that's what guys are supposed to go through?


that's why it's so hard to meet guys that arn't jerks cause they're bascially the only people who approach girls. not to say that all outgoing guys are jerks or anything, but you get my drift


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

My cousin keeps telling me to try match.com. He's met a couple of women through this site. The first relationship lasted almost a year. He's now on to the second girl and sounds extremely happy. You would start out by emailing and on the phone...so that would be a way for an SA person to cut down on some of the anxiety of meeting new people. You also know the other party is interested or else why would they be there? All that said...I have yet to try it  

Matt


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

> i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger? it would be kinda awkward to not know what to say.


This is the reason I have never dated. I'm too nervous and shy to approach anyone and I have no idea what I would say or how to keep a conversation going if I was able. Its extremely frustrating to say the least.
I would consider myself a pretty nice guy, maybe even too nice as I tend to be a doormat and let people take advantage of me. After a lifetime of being rejected and put down by people I'm so desperate to feel liked and accepted by others that I don't know any better. To the outside world I probably appear rude and unfriendly because I never make eye contact or act friendly toward anyone else. But inside I'm a very sensitive, gentle and caring person.


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## FailureGene (Nov 12, 2005)

> world I probably appear rude and unfriendly because I never make eye contact or act friendly toward anyone else


This is also definatly my problem as well. I'm generally a pretty nice guy, but it's not much good if I appear outwardly defensive and anti-social most of the time.

So the awnser the question. We're probably everwhere, you just don't notice us because were good at hiding it. :um


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## AppleEatsWorm (Apr 2, 2005)

how is "nice guy" defined? sounds like a pretty vague term.


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## jtb3485 (Nov 9, 2003)

*raises hand* I'm right here!

Yesterday I was getting my car washed and while I was waiting there was this really pretty girl sitting in front of me. I wouldn't of tried to talk to her anyway because there were a lot of people around and they would have been listening in on what I was saying. I know this because if someone else had tried talking to her I'd probably eavesdrop myself. 

I tried to hypothetically think of what I would say if I did talk to her and I could not think of anything I would say even in a no pressure situation where I wasn't really going to be talking to her. *sigh* What do you say to someone to get a conversation going?


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## theysee (Nov 15, 2003)

...


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## Urkidding (Oct 12, 2005)

Ktgurl said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > > i never approach a guy first, i always wait was them to talk to me. i never know what to say. i mean seriously, what do say to a complete stranger?
> ...


How 'bout saying "Hi"? Easy to do, straightforward, friendly. Aside from the struggles with social anxiety, I don't know why a woman shouldn't be able to take the initiative and show interest in a guy and throw something nice his way. Women have such an advantage when they opt to approach a guy. Men are much less concerned with what is said, how it's said, and non-verbal communication. There are exceptions, but I'd say most guys are more concerned with the woman's looks and
react better when the intro was at least "friendly."

Women are more apt than men to feel threatened if approached in public. And it doesn't take gorgeous looks before a guy will respond to a woman's initiation. What do you say beyond the greeting? It depends on the situation;if you are at a health club, ask him if he's been working out there long or how to use the equipment (guys love to educate women). If the guys outgoing, he's likely to respond. If he's shy and/or has SA, you may need to be patient and take time to gently ask him questions that aren't too personal. Throwing in a smile and nodding your interest and attention, and maybe following up on his answers slowly, most likely will work wonders.

Finally, have you ever considered shooting off a PM to a single guy here on SAS and keeping it short, sweet, and simple by saying something like "Hi, I've really enjoyed reading your posts. How have you've been doing recently?" Sure, you might not get a response--SA can be a real hurdle, but I can assure you that years ago when I was single, if a woman had done that, I'd be flattered and would have nothing to lose in sending a reply.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

"Hi" is too difficult and strikes me as awkward with a stranger. Doesn't it imply the person should know you? Maybe ask them what time it is or something like that, a plausible question which invites a response. The health club duration question works too, if you're a social enough person to be spending your time at health clubs. Then there's always the old "How are you doing today?" or "Nice weather, isn't it?" approach. (Disclaimer: I've never tried any of these.)

On the original question, though I'm not sure I qualify as nice (I should qualify as not intentionally mean though), I'm sitting at home like the others and can only be met via the internet.



Urkidding said:


> guys love to educate women


I know it's not quite what you were getting at as you were talking about a legitimate question, but it annoys me that the "play dumb so he feels smart" strategy seems to be used by a lot of women. Seems to me it'll only attract a certain type of guy.

_There are exceptions, but I'd say most guys are more concerned with the woman's looks_

Sure, every non-gay non-blind guy will notice a girl's looks to some extent, but he doesn't have to judge the conversation based on it or make it a critieria for being willing to talk to the person again. Despite my lack of conversational experience it seems to me that the actual nature and subject of the conversation would be the most important thing. There's no sense in avoiding a conversation because you think you're ugly.


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## AppleEatsWorm (Apr 2, 2005)

Urkidding said:


> Women have such an advantage when they opt to approach a guy. Men are much less concerned with what is said, how it's said, and non-verbal communication. There are exceptions, but I'd say most guys are more concerned with the woman's looks and
> react better when the intro was at least "friendly."


that's an advantage? maybe if you're blessed with an attractive body. I'd be less comfortable approaching someone I thought would be judging me based on my looks rather than what I said (though neither would bode well for me).


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## Karla (Dec 26, 2005)

i'm in florida


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## mobile363 (Apr 11, 2004)

I'm right here 

But no, seriously. Nice guys are far and few between, and strangely, a lot of them do suffer from some degree of SA, so meeting them is hard.

However, guys will often put on a show to appear nice, but then stab you in the back later on. Im guilty of it myself, though I don't feel like im an ***. But I do have an alternate ego when it comes to meeting girls initially.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

re: nice guys
i'm here! really!


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

Gumaro said:


> Karla said:
> 
> 
> > i'm in florida
> ...


Oh, there's certainly more there than just yourself. But most of them are either not coming out, or are outgoing only because they're drunk. :b


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## Your Lover Scrub Ducky (Jul 26, 2004)

I'm only nice to people i like.


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

Scrub Ducky said:


> I'm only nice to people i like.


I think I can come off as rude and standoffish to people I do like.


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