# Would you stay friends with an ex?



## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Even if you've never had a bf/gf - what do you think?

I've heard arguments on both sides. Do you think it's a bad idea?

Oh and I'm not asking for myself BTW. Just curious about everyone's view on the subject.


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

As it would happen, I'm friends with almost all of my exes. Thats not by design though, it just happened that way. For anyone to give you any semblance of a useful answer would have to know an inordinate amount of particulars regarding you and your ex. Thus, I would say you should look inward for your answer. (I think this makes me 2 for 2 for trite advice lol)


----------



## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

waterfairy said:


> Even if you've never had a bf/gf - what do you think?
> 
> I've heard arguments on both sides. Do you think it's a bad idea?


Usually drift apart when they find someone new. They tend to talk to you less and less. More so during first stages of a new relationship. Then no contact at all.


----------



## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

What do you mean by friends? Not severing all ties or something more. I occasionally would write to my previous partner in the first years after the breakup. Since then its become less frequent and the exchanges briefer. 

My current partner has wanted me to meet up with her old boyfriend and his wife but I've never felt it would be a good idea. I don't imagine many people would to be perfectly honest.


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I don't know if I'd be able to, to be honest. I'm kind of a grudgy person. :/ When I burn bridges, I really burn bridges.


----------



## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

I only wanted to with one ex, but she didn't want to.


----------



## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

I only have with one and we keep ending up back together. Normally I don't care to ever talk to my exes again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

It's difficult to keep the right boundaries with an "ex". I wouldn't want to hear about them dating other people and I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing that information either.

As such, you'd ultimately end up with a friendship with limitations. Not sure if that'd be healthy for either party long term.

As @novalax said, our opinions really shouldn't matter since they lack specific context to you and your ex's.


----------



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Depends on the circumstances on why the relationship ended. If they have been nothing but truthful to me yet the relationship had to terminate for whatever reason, I'd be willing to put feelings aside and have a strictly platonic relationship. But there does need to be boundaries set to make sure reconciliation doesn't happen especially for the wrong reasons. I would never hang out with an ex one-on-one because of that, and keeping contact a few times a month should be the maximum. 

However, if they were the type to be abusive, manipulative, a pathological liar, or a cheater, then it's best to cut ties for good. You don't need anymore of that negativity in your life, and if they change at all, it will be a slow process. Really not worth waiting for when there are potentially tons of better people that you could be seeking.


----------



## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)

Tried it, can't do it.

It was a year and a half of fighting, jealousy, and sometimes relapsing back into sex which made being "friends" extremely complicated. Maybe it would have worked if we were more emotionally mature but we weren't.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I tried to with my ex but she couldn't because of her new man so.


----------



## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I could not do that if that ever happened. It would hurt me too much.


----------



## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

While I still feel a strong bond with them, I tend to rather just keep moving. My desire for friendship is mostly satisfied with a number of weak connections that seem to form inevitably of themselves by seeing the same people everyday. I just don't form or keep close, active friendships long term I guess.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

My best friend is an ex.


----------



## ShadowOne (Jun 27, 2016)

i wanted to. but part of me hoped we'd get back together and i thought cutting contact would kill that potential, so it probably wasn't healthy to keep in contact since that didnt flow both ways

But we've pretty much lost touch. it's sad when someone really important to you just becomes a memory and just another person in the world. But in ways, not having contact is probably the healthier option for me in this case.

If i generalized for myself, i'd probably follow that rule of thumb that it's better to not have contact, especially if I still have feelings


----------



## feels (Jun 18, 2010)

It doesn't work if you still wanna jump each others bones all the time. Or if one of you is still hoping things will continue one day.

Otherwise...maybe.


----------



## Sabk (Jun 15, 2017)

Yes I could. Once it's established it's all over.
I was friends with an ex for a while after the break up. 

Sent from my SM-G900H using Tapatalk


----------



## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I tried with my ex, but then he became borderline psycho and insanely clingy so I'm probably not going to do that again.

Ok. Borderline psycho might be a *bit* of a stretch, but his next ex and I both have an agreement to support each other in court should we need to go that far and we are both just waiting for the newspaper to write about a teacher that snapped.

If you try, and things get uncomfortable, do tell him. You may have to tell him 5 or 6 times before he registers it, but don't just ghost him. That's rude, and if he knows where you live, that could get *really* uncomfortable. And after that you might have to block him everywhere.
If you secretly want to get back together, then I'd advice against it.


----------



## Fey (Nov 4, 2014)

One of my exes is one of my best friends. We only ended it because it turned out that he was gayer than a rainbow lol but we're still great friends nonetheless.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Not in general, no. Very rarely does a relationship end mutually.


----------



## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

I've tried, but it never works in the end.


----------



## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> Even if you've never had a bf/gf - what do you think?
> 
> I've heard arguments on both sides. Do you think it's a bad idea?
> 
> Oh and I'm not asking for myself BTW. Just curious about everyone's view on the subject.


I imagine this is probably one of the least satisfactory answers to this question but it's also the accurate one.

It depends.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No. There is a reason why I broke up with them. And I don't want them to know what is going on in my life. Even having them as a Facebook friend kind of weirds me out.


----------



## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

Maybe

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk


----------



## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I'm not interested. But there's no way to find all the missing pieces from the explosions and glue them up together again anyway. And my exes live kind of far from me now. It would be pointless friendships, no different than a friend you never talk to on social media.


----------



## NickNock (Jul 6, 2017)

No can do, I'm far too petty for that.


----------



## Dissipated (Aug 10, 2016)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Depends on the circumstances on why the relationship ended. If they have been nothing but truthful to me yet the relationship had to terminate for whatever reason, I'd be willing to put feelings aside and have a strictly platonic relationship. But there does need to be boundaries set to make sure reconciliation doesn't happen especially for the wrong reasons. I would never hang out with an ex one-on-one because of that, and keeping contact a few times a month should be the maximum.
> 
> However, if they were the type to be abusive, manipulative, a pathological liar, or a cheater, then it's best to cut ties for good. You don't need anymore of that negativity in your life, and if they change at all, it will be a slow process. Really not worth waiting for when there are potentially tons of better people that you could be seeking.


Exactly my thoughts.Saved me some typing :nerd:.


----------



## Witchblade (Jun 17, 2017)

I don't have any exes so I don't really know, but I wouldn't rule it out, if we still got along.


----------



## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*who decides?*

https://personalexcellence.co/blog/time-to-move-on/

push-pull

individual?

both people

or knee-deep in swarms


----------



## Moxi (Nov 24, 2015)

I think it should be on an individual basis. Maybe some people were really bad matches when it came to being serious and living together, but are great people, anyway. Maybe some are just cowardly, obnoxious human beings or there's too much built-up hurt.


----------



## LilMeRich (Jun 2, 2017)

Only had 1 gf & it ended badly when she confessed to sleeping around. Not interested in keeping in touch with people like that. 
If you were friends before & it became romantic but then it didn't work out, then probably would stay friends yes. 

It all depends on situations I guess.


----------



## master32 (Jul 13, 2017)

Would you stay friends with an ex? - Nope!


----------



## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

If it was a long term relationship I would want to. They were once an important and essential part of my life. It's sad to let someone who once held so much meaning become irrelevant. But unfortunately things can't always be that way, and both parties could be better off letting go. Nevertheless, many other factors come into play, but idealistically speaking this is my stance on the matter.


----------



## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Bbpuff said:


> If it was a long term relationship I would want to. They were once an important and essential part of my life. It's sad to let someone who once held so much meaning become irrelevant. But unfortunately things can't always be that way, and both parties could be better off letting go. Nevertheless, many other factors come into play, but idealistically speaking this is my stance on the matter.


pretty much my opinion. it's hard for me to accept not being able to talk to someone anyone that I Really love.

another thing is relationships have the good parts too, not just their bad ones when they end. or maybe there was a difference in life goals. who wouldn't want to cherish that?


----------



## Raies (Nov 3, 2016)

Depends on the situation, but most of the times, I would. (And have in the past..?)

I mean, why not? You are together because you like the person....


----------



## Drose24 (Aug 11, 2017)

It depends if it ends amicably.


----------



## Moxi (Nov 24, 2015)

Raies said:


> Depends on the situation, but most of the times, I would. (And have in the past..?)
> 
> I mean, why not? You are together because you like the person....


I left my last relationship intensely disliking him as a person.

Not a _bad _human being, just... a pathetic one. Broke a lot of commitments and gave lame excuses (like "I thought it would make you happy"), gave his friends a wildly inappropriate amount of say in our relationship, let them trash talk our relationship in front of me, and a lot of other things.

I don't hate him, but I'm happy that I'm never going to see him again.


----------



## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

Not a chance.

The reasons would vary based on circumstances but overall, I would not want to stay friends and can't imagine a circumstance where I would want to.



komorikun said:


> No. There is a reason why I broke up with them. And I don't want them to know what is going on in my life. Even having them as a Facebook friend kind of weirds me out.


Another plus for me - no facebook!

My brother can attest to a potential problem with keeping an ex on facebook. Years ago my brothers high school ex and her best friend plastered his facebook wall with various obscenities one night, the highlight being he "had a small penis."

My brother, naturally, was quick to assure me she was lying about his penis length. Lol!


----------



## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Maintain a business like relationship. If you do meet in person, keep the conversation short but polite... if they start flirting...create a believable excuse to leave. 

Why ? ....Because you never know who's help you may need in the future.

This is a tip I got from an extrovert. He has probably had a dozen girlfriend's.... each woman has a different job now...and since he never left any of them on arguing terms....I've seen him cut lines at offices etc.. simply because of his X.


----------



## u0700 (Aug 18, 2017)

It depends. I still talk to a couple of my exes, however, there's a few I'd like to avoid. Now, if you asked me if I would get back with the exes I still talk to, I'd have to say no. What I had with them was great, but there's a reason we had to end things. Either the chemistry died off or it just wasn't what we expected it to be.


----------



## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

Personally, no. You can't move forward if you're holding onto your past and even if you parted on good terms, things are awkward and forced.


----------



## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I did. We shared a lot of years together and didn't really part on terrible terms (although the breakup itself was very traumatic at the time for me!), so it feels like it would be a shame to lose touch completely. 

However, we've both long since moved on and each of us are in another relationship so I think it was inevitable really that we've still drifted apart quite considerably. Still, there's the odd message once in a while and happy birthday messages and all that. We haven't seen each other in person for a long time (I know it's different for other people, but with both of us being with other people I don't really see it as ideal or necessary for us to go out of our way to meet up physically when we can just stay in touch online).

I think it's possible and can definitely be maintained in a healthy way, so long as there are no lingering feelings or desire to get back together. If a breakup is still very fresh I think it's usually better to drop contact for however long needed until things are more settled, and only then consider getting back in touch.


----------



## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

No, there's a reason why their your ex. Usually people stay friends with their ex so they have something to fall back on when they're lonely or their girlfriend/boyfriend are tired of their bs. I stayed friends with an ex once and it never worked out. They were stalking my boyfriend or trying to flirt with me. It was creepy to say the least. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I tried to do that with my first ex, but for me it felt weird and awkward. When I found a new boyfriend it felt really weird to talk to my ex and be friendly towards him when my boyfriend was standing right beside me listening. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, so I kept it short.

I recently went single again, and I can't really imagine being friends with him either. It just feels wrong for me, but of course I can talk to him if I see him. I just can't imagine hanging out and stuff like that.


----------



## PrincessV (Aug 17, 2015)

Yes but they never want to stay friends with me. I don't get it?

I'll elaborate. I think that even if things have gone bad, you'd still benefit from having that person as a friend. It makes me feel the guys who don't want me as a friend afterwards indicate that we wouldn't have worked in a relationship anyway. If you can't stay friends or simply be friends first, then the relationship isn't worth it.

(It also depends on how sour the relationship went though. I'm talking about little flings with guys - they were hardly relationships)


----------



## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

There was a time when I'd be all "Nope!"

But due to a buddy who has remained friends with his ex, I'm presently friends with one of my exes.

It's hard to explain honestly, but there are few people I trust but she does know and accept me for me...so if I have a concern I know I can rely on her for an opinion.

I would love to be friends with all of the indivuals I've "dated" but yeah. Trust issues...


----------



## Dratini (Aug 7, 2017)

I've stayed friends with one, it's much easier since he's now more interested in men than women (insert joke about how I turned him gay) 

Most find it too difficult to remain friends though, and I respect that.


----------



## MondKrabbe (Sep 7, 2015)

If I even had an ex to begin with, probably not. Not out of malice, but just the awkwardness of it all. Especially if it was a longer relationship.


----------



## Vivian Darkbloom (Aug 26, 2017)

I did before, and it was probably one of the dumbest things I've ever done.


----------

