# So I met this girl last night....



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I went to this show last night at a restaurant. There was some bands that I wanted to see that were playing. I was sitting down just finished eating a meal and I was just waiting for the bands to set up. Then, I noticed this pretty girl standing by herself and we kinda had the whole eye contact going on, but I thought nothing of it. So, they finally set up some chairs so we can sit on. She took a seat close to where I was at, and was like I gotta go talk to her. So, I was thinking of a way to sit next to her. I had my digital camera with me and wanted to take pics of the band. But, where I was sitting at I couldn't get any good shots.

So, I went up to her and asked her if the seat next to her is takin because I wanted to take some pics of the band. She said no and I sat next to her. Then, I asked her a question about who is she is seeing, and if she came here by herself. We just started to talk about music, and the general questions like if shes going to school and what not. I would also throw out some jokes and she laughed at all of them, even the stupid ones. Then, we were hungry for a cookie and I wasn't really that hungry and niether was she. So, I threw out the idea if she wanted to get one and just cut it in half. She agreed to and we continued talking. 

Then, later on the show. She wanted to see if her car wasn't towed. So she asked me if I wanted to go with her and see if her car was there. I said sure and we walked towards the car and just continued talking. So, her car was there and she wanted to move it. So, I got in her car and she was like I just met you and you're already in my car. We kinda just laughed about. so we move her car into a different spot, and went back to the show. I was messing around with my cell phone on aim and was just like your phone has aim? I was like yeah, and then she said to put on her screen name. So I did.

We continued watching the show and just talked and her friend showed up. She was telling me how she was leaving to Brazil and they were just gonna go hangout and have her going away hangout. We were talking, and the show was finally over. She said nice meeting you, and we gave each other a handshake. I told her that I'll send her I'm when shes online and she said "go for it". Then, we went our separate ways and I went home.

Now, after 20 years of my life, this is my first time ever that I approached a girl. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. So, I was wondering when she gets online tomorrow or Tuesday, should I ask her out for a date? I don't know if she's interested in me because, I've only dated one girl in my entire life and that was set up as a blind double date. The cool things about this girl, that we have a lot of things in common. I was wondering if I ask her out should I take her to an art show. Because, we are both into art. But then again, I still don't know if she's interested in me or not. I don't really have the experience.


----------



## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

Music is always a good "in." :yes

If you know that you and she are both interested in art and you talked about art together, then there's no harm in asking her to an art show, IMO. How are you going to find out if she's interested until you ask?

:boogie


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

*Re: re: So I met this girl last night....*



Kelly said:


> Music is always a good "in." :yes
> 
> If you know that you and she are both interested in art and you talked about art together, then there's no harm in asking her to an art show, IMO. How are you going to find out if she's interested until you ask?
> 
> :boogie


 You're right, now the question is when should I ask her?


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

To me, it definitely sounds like she's interested in you. You don't end up in cars and get IM screen names from girls unless they like you.


----------



## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Very smooth how you got close to her, nice! =D

I'd say she's definitely interested, so give it a shot! Even if she says no, it's a great learning experience! This is a great first step to overcoming your anxiety... it took a lot of courage to do what you did!


----------



## SebFontain (Jan 27, 2004)

Hey sounds like something good came out of that night! I agree with Futures, make sure to keep in contact with her if you like her =P


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

Yea, chat her up next time she is online and get her phone number ASAP. As in during the first aim conversation you have. Remember women get hit on at least dozens of times per week so its important not to waste time here. 

When you get her on the phone (should be the same day you see her online next) just focus on keeping it fun. Your first call shouldn't be to ask her out, but to remind her that you were the fun guy she met the other night. Ask her out a few days later on the next phone call.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

opivy22 said:


> Yea, chat her up next time she is online and get her phone number ASAP. As in during the first aim conversation you have. Remember women get hit on at least dozens of times per week so its important not to waste time here.
> 
> When you get her on the phone (should be the same day you see her online next) just focus on keeping it fun. Your first call shouldn't be to ask her out, but to remind her that you were the fun guy she met the other night. Ask her out a few days later on the next phone call.


 So, what would I talk about on the phone conversation? I never done this before. Hey I had a good time talking to you at the show...


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I don't know if shes interested now, my internet was acting up and i asked for her number, but i kept logging off and so was she, then said she had to pick up her cousin and will talk to me later. I'm going to assume that I got rejected.


----------



## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Don't just yet. I've assumed things like that and I turned out to be way wrong. The only thing that raises an eyebrow for me is that you guys shook hands at the end. Were you the one who intitiated that or her?

Whatever comes of this, good job. Not easy for us SAers to do.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

When I talked to her after a while, I shook her hand and introduced myself. At the end of the day she shook my hand. I was too nervous to go up and shake her hand.

I would be surprised if nothing comes out of this. I think it went to well for nothing to happen. Then again, stuff happens.


----------



## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

She likes you!!!!!! That original post reeeeeeks of her liking you. She's sweet on you. She likes you. Stop thinking. Start acting. Ask her out ASAP. And best of luck.


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

trekster said:


> I don't know if shes interested now, my internet was acting up and i asked for her number, but i kept logging off and so was she, then said she had to pick up her cousin and will talk to me later. I'm going to assume that I got rejected.


Hmm that doesn't look good. How did you ask for it and how did she respond?

Thing about getting phone numbers online is you have to do it like its natural and something you do all the time.

Otherwise on phone stuff, one of the most important things is the 'false time constraint' with a girl you don't know well yet. When you first start calling them say "hey you got a sec?" and when they say yes make up something about only having a few minutes to chat. Make her thing you're too busy to sit around talking to her for hours on end, but wanted to give her a 5-10 min phone call. Same applies for chatting online - you simply don't want to available to sit around and talk for hours on end. Busy people have higher value in the eyes of others (think about your work place - the high status people at the very least always appear to be busy and only have a few minutes to talk to you).

When you first start calling her (or she is first calling you) tell her you just walked in the door (or are about to leave). Sat around playing video games all day? Not as far as she is concerned! You had your car worked on, helped a friend with something, and played tennis for a few hours. Get the idea?

On what to talk about, well if something has been working for you why not stick with that? In the beginning you just want to remind her that you're the cool guy she met the other day. In my experience, after a few calls is the time to ask her out - not the first call, unless this is something you've already discussed. Make her wonder "why isn't this guy asking me out when he calls???" *but not in the 'oh he is scared to ask' way!*


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

opivy22 said:


> trekster said:
> 
> 
> > I don't know if shes interested now, my internet was acting up and i asked for her number, but i kept logging off and so was she, then said she had to pick up her cousin and will talk to me later. I'm going to assume that I got rejected.
> ...


 I said that I forgot to ask for her number at the place. I asked for it. I ****ed up. Ill see what happens when shes online again.

I hear from other people that you should just get right to the point when asking someone out.


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

trekster said:


> I said that I forgot to ask for her number at the place. I asked for it. I @#%$ up. Ill see what happens when shes online again.
> 
> I hear from other people that you should just get right to the point when asking someone out.


The bit about 'forgetting' to ask for it probably did it. Her take on that was probably that you were too nervous to ask. Next time try chatting for a few minutes and saying "hey chatting on aim sucks lets talk on the phone."

I 100% agree about getting right to business when it comes to asking someone out. I'll do that immediately after exchanging hellos on that particular call. What I meant was putting off the asking her out for a call or two is usually a good idea - use the first 2-3 calls to remind her *why* she was attracted to you and build some rapport.


----------



## Volume (Apr 8, 2007)

Good on you, Gilbert. Congratulations! I think you made all the right moves, most importantly, not coming across as too desperate.

Regardless of what comes out of this, the fact that you were able to approach and get to know a girl without scaring her off is an accomplishment, not only for us SAers, but many 'normal' guys too.

Congratulations again.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

update!
Im too lazy to type here's my aim log.

(4:29:33 PM) her: hey homie g
(4:29:51 PM) her did you get my digits yesterday?
(4:29:58 PM) me: no
(4:30:03 PM) me: my aim was acting up
(4:30:20 PM) her: so was mine.i had to give up on it.
(4:31:00 PM) me: so how was your weekend?
(4:31:25 PM) me: I just got back from shooting pics of ducks
(4:31:29 PM) me: at a local park
(4:32:08 PM) her: cool. i just got back from feeding ducks
(4:32:16 PM) her: my weekend was great
(4:32:29 PM) me: I wanted to feed some ducks
(4:32:36 PM) her: hey i 'm having lunch with my cousin right now.i'll talk to you late
(4:32:39 PM) me: but I forgot to buy bread.
(4:32:41 PM) me: k
(4:33:00 PM) Pher: oh and before i forget, my nuber is:xxx.xxx.xxxx
(4:33:03 PM) her: peace
(4:33:07 PM) me: laters

holy **** I'm extremely anxious right now. my hands are shaking right now.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

blah double post.


----------



## winduptoy (Jun 21, 2005)

Way to go! Congrats on getting her number. I hope it goes well.


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

trekster said:


> update!
> Im too lazy to type here's my aim log.
> 
> (4:29:33 PM) her: hey homie g
> (4:29:51 PM) her did you get my digits yesterday?


This is great =p She's wondering why you didn't call. Looks like you're doing good so far! Keep it up.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

opivy22 said:


> trekster said:
> 
> 
> > update!
> ...


 I'm going to give her a call tomorrow in the afternoon and just chit chat for like 5 mins. and call her again on Wednesday and ask her out.


----------



## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

Nice work, keep us posted opcorn 

Oh, and I think the reason she cuts you off so quick on AIM is not because she dislikes you...it's likely because she too is a little nervous (worried maybe you'll ask her out), but still going forward with it, so she keeps it short and simple. If she gave you the number i'd say you're almost there. I think she gave you the number maybe 20% for talking as friends, but more less 80% for a relationship or to have you ask her out via phone.

Keep in mind, you could always ask her out via AIM, in the worst case scenario, if you're not comfortable with the phone. You can call her via phone and chat, but if you're worried you'll sound awkward/nervous asking her out on the phone, just bring it up on AIM...I dont think it'd be too bad or inappropriate that way.

Aim chat: 'Well hey, i'm going to go take some photos of some more birds/ducks this weekend, wanna come along?', etc., or the same via phone, or what not. Maybe she'll likely agree, or ask what shes doing this weekend, -then- ask 

I'm not sure how you'll ask her, but I dont always think just outright saying 'Hey you wanna go out sometime?' is the best way to do it though i'm not sure what you had in mind. Make sure you think of some activity to do together before you call, so if she says 'Ok so where do you wanna go?', you dont have to think of something in the split second on the phone.

Probably best to just ask her sometime during the chat (phone or aim, phone is probably best though, aim as a backup if you're worried of getting anxiety)... 'yeah...hey, you busy this weekend?', no, why? - 'wanna go to the park to feed ducks then grab something to eat after?', is just one example.

Hope this helps somewhat, lol, good luck man!


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Since, I got her number last night. I'm going to call her tomorrow and ask her out. To anxious to make a phone and just have a 5 minute conversation.


----------



## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Sonds good. But don't just drop the bomb. In other words, initiate a casual conversation, ask her what she's up to and THEN ask her out. Don't do what I did in the past and after agonizing for 2 hours or maybe even 2 weeks and then "so...uhhh...there's something I need to say...wanna go out?"

Good luck!


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I just got off the phone with her. I asked her how shes been and what shes been up to. I also asked her if she had any plans for the weekend and she said no why. I was wondering if you want to come with me to the getty museum this weekend? I think she said to hang out? She asked me why I wanted to go and just because I haven't been there before. Well, she said yes and I was going to message her on myspace (she requested me earlier today) for what day this weekend we are going to.

Now, since I heard the word hangout, I don't know if she's implying anything? Do I still count this as a date?

Well, I left a message on her myspace saying if Friday night was cool and we can eat at a restaurant after the museum. I said restaurant as an indication as a hint that it's a little more formal than just hanging out.

If she doesn't get the hint, we can always go to like a chilis. Where it's a casual resturant. Now, how should I dress, since I really don't know if it's a date or not. Also, how do I fore go on paying for the food. I was thinking that I pay for the food and if she wants to pay I can just reply, just get me next time.

This is getting complicated.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Well, she read my message and hasn't replied to it. I'm not going to message her anymore, unless she replys to my message.


----------



## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

aw this is cute. Just dress casual, offer to pay, if she declines, then dont push it, I dislike when guys pay for me though they always insist on it.
good luck


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

This is blind leading the blind here... but you're overthinking a bit. Relax... 'hanging out' is fine. The key here is to just be comfortable and enjoy yourselves. Who says the word 'date' has to be involved? You aren't going to show up in a tuxedo are you? :lol 

You handled it well, just be yourself (just like you were in your original post) and you'll be just fine. Don't overdo it, don't try to impress her... no flowers or candy or gifts, just be yourself.

I think the ladies can probably give you more tips on what to wear. And yes, absolutely pay for everything. You asked her out, you are taking her out. It's your show


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I apologize I tend to over analyze everything and I need reassurance from people. I was actually thinking of wearing a black polo shirt, some jeans, and my black converse, I just need to clean them up a bit. But then again, she hasn't replied to my message. Well, shes read my message but, I'm thinking she must of read it late last night, and I'm she didn't want to leave me a message at 2am or something.


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

Don't worry about it. I'm very much the same way. It's a curse. :afr


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

trekster said:


> Now, since I heard the word hangout, I don't know if she's implying anything? Do I still count this as a date?
> 
> Well, I left a message on her myspace saying if Friday night was cool and we can eat at a restaurant after the museum. I said restaurant as an indication as a hint that it's a little more formal than just hanging out.


Hanging out is fine - that is how "dating" is really done these days. Never use (or imply) a date to a girl, unless she is the really old fashion type.

We actually covered this topic in the adolescent development seminar I finished a few weeks ago. The entire 'dating' thing was really something that came about in the early 1900s & its going out of style again. One of the key problems with 'dating' is it was designed to remove the power previously held slightly more by women in courtship. Before the early 1900s girls had guys call on them and they did a cheesy version of hanging out - 'dating' turned all of that around and put women in a situation of going in the guys car, the guy paying, and as a result of the male having the sole power in that situation, 'expectations' for the time, money, and effort spent became pretty common. Society is shifting away from this again and back to a more equal position in courtship behavior.

So stay away from dating as your parents and grandparents knew it. Yeah, forget what you see in all the movies too. In general, the best way to go about this is just invite her along to do fun stuff. No fancy dinners and no trying to impress her. Women can smell attempts to impress them from a mile away and its very unattractive because thats what every other guy is doing! It sounds crazy, but one of the most effective things you can do when dealing with women is really not worrying too much about what they think.

This means don't ask her if she likes art before you ask her to the museum - just ask her to go with you. If you end up eating out together (nothing is wrong with this! just don't try to take her to something fancy!) don't ask if she likes that kind of food! I've read stories written by women in various books about how to succeed with women about guys that ask if restaurant X is OK with them, if table Y is OK with them, and even the guy asking what kind of food the woman likes and ordering it himself!

_The problem with these behaviors is they reek of a guy doing anything he can to get in their pants instead of being_* himself* _and this is a great way to turn a woman off._

Going Dutch is usually a good idea too because it shows that you aren't trying to buy your way into her liking you. Airick10 is 100% right about no flowers, gifts, and such for this very reason, and the same applies for spending money on her in anyway.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Thanks, I told her that I was going to a art museum and wanted to know if she wanted to come. Now, the only thing that I'm a little worried about that I asked her if it's alright with this certain date and time. I told her to message me back. I'm kinda worried that she hasn't messaged me back. :/ I'm not going to message her again.


----------



## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

How long has it been since you sent the message?


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

Opivy is right on the money with a lot of what he says. Also, it's fine that you asked her about the time and place and all that, but in the future it should be more of telling her where and when. Most women want a guy who takes control and doesn't ask if it's okay. Opivy hit on this a lot, which is correct. As mentioned, many guys do this but it also shows insecurity and a lack of confidence that she won't approve.

Good luck! Things look good so far. Just relax and have a fun time, no need to try and impress. She likes you for who you are. She already accepted this date, so there is no need to push it.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

*Re: re: So I met this girl last night....*



davemason2k said:


> How long has it been since you sent the message?


 Last night, I'm worried that she is going to back out of it.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

*Re: re: So I met this girl last night....*



trekster said:


> davemason2k said:
> 
> 
> > How long has it been since you sent the message?
> ...


 "that would be perfect if i didn't have to go out with my famiy.this will have to happen when i'm free, i haven't been to the getty in a while. "

This is the respond that I got from her. What should I do now? Am I done?


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Of course i'm done. I have nothing to offer to the opposite sex.  I'm ugly as ****, and being anti-social doesn't help either. Being myself doesn't work either.


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

*Re: re: So I met this girl last night....*



trekster said:


> "that would be perfect if i didn't have to go out with my famiy.this will have to happen when i'm free, i haven't been to the getty in a while.


She might still be open to it. There are probably several different things going on here - first she might really be busy and second, a lot of the time women are going to do things to test your character. If that is the case here (which I suspect because you asked her out over myspace instead of the phone) you can probably still recover from it by showing you weren't hurt by her turning the offer down and you don't give up that easy.

Like I said, women do this kind of thing often to see if you give up at the first sign of trouble. It makes sense too - if you were a woman would you want a guy that threw his hands up the first time something got in his way? Wait a few days and send her a text about something funny and random to show that you weren't upset and you are still the cool, funny guy she met last week. You know something random like "I like bananas" or what ever and if she responds play around with it a little, but stop responding before she does!

Think of human development like this kids playing -> adults doing courtship dances. The point here is that its really based on playing around and having fun, and if you get too serious/upset/whatever at what happens you strike out.

If she responds to the texts well (on the phone, forget myspace! women get *tons* of messages on there) give her a call the next day and mess with her a little more, but don't bring it up again yet. Save that for the next call. Always remember the goal here is to have some fun and lighten up her day, not to win her over.

When you do ask again make it something different (to show you didn't get hung up on the museum before) and suggest two different openings. 
"Hey, how about lunch this week. I'm thinking Wednesday or Thursday."


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I'll text her in a few days, and throw out some random messages. If it goes well, i'll give her a call the following and chit chat the general bs. If that goes well, I'll her again and ask her to lunch.


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

I agree with the advice given and it's a good approach. The only thing I would recommend changing is when you do ask her again, don't really ask her. Tell her what to plan on. Example, instead of saying "Hey, do you want to do lunch Wednesday or Thursday?", try something like "I am going to take you to lunch, there is a wonderful spot that serves such and such. When can you meet me there?" It displays a bit more confidence that she will enjoy the place you've picked out and a sense that you're taking control.



trekster said:


> Of course i'm done. I have nothing to offer to the opposite sex. Sad I'm ugly as @#%$, and being anti-social doesn't help either. Being myself doesn't work either.


Are you kidding me? I admire you, what you've done is amazing. I wish I could follow my own advice. You sat down next to her and approached her, and we can tell she liked it. You're doing something right. Tell me, what is YOUR secret?


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

shes on aim now, i'm not going to message her until tomorrow.


----------



## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

You're doing a fine job, man.

Good call on trying to take her to the Getty center BTW - the gardens there are awesome.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Well, I send her a random text, she replied with a random text 10mins later. I didn't reply until a couple of hours later because I fell asleep and I wrote another random message. She hasn't replied. O well. I'm clueless when it comes to women. :/


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

trekster said:


> She hasn't replied. O well. I'm clueless when it comes to women. :/


Because you haven't got a reply yet, you assume you are clueless? I realize you're posting that here and we can all relate to this but when you do see her, she can read that off of you. Women have this power to read us like a book. Texting and myspace can limit your tone and body language, but smile! It looks like you're talking to a cool girl, I'm very very jealous. The negative tone needs to stop.


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

Also, a lot of the time people get busy and forget to reply, or simply see no need to reply. Don't take this personal and let it get to you! Its really easy to think not getting a call back or what ever means you need to drop this now. Even knowing this, I'm bad about feeling the same way. Try texting or calling again in a day or two.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

opivy22 said:


> Also, a lot of the time people get busy and forget to reply, or simply see no need to reply. Don't take this personal and let it get to you! Its really easy to think not getting a call back or what ever means you need to drop this now. Even knowing this, I'm bad about feeling the same way. Try texting or calling again in a day or two.


 I'm sorry for being so pessimistic.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

Well, I talked to her on aim for a bit last night. Just asking about her weekend n stuff. I don't know if I should just give up or give her a call. :/


----------



## SADFighter (May 4, 2007)

Huh? Of course don't give up. You haven't done anything (wrong) anyway. :yes


----------



## opivy22 (Mar 1, 2005)

trekster said:


> Well, I talked to her on aim for a bit last night. Just asking about her weekend n stuff. I don't know if I should just give up or give her a call. :/


How did the conversation go and did she ask about yours/what you're doing this weekend?

Give her a call in a day or two. Calling every few days is always ok so long as she is picking up and returning your calls.


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

opivy22 said:


> trekster said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I talked to her on aim for a bit last night. Just asking about her weekend n stuff. I don't know if I should just give up or give her a call. :/
> ...


 Well, the conversation went alright. I asked her about her weekend, then she asked about what I did during the weekend. Then we had some random talk about cereal lol.


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

Remember, try not to overthink the room here. Take it easy and let it flow naturally. Things sound okay right now. I agree to call her as long as she answers or responds.

I'm curious - who started the IM conversation?


----------



## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

*Re: re: So I met this girl last night....*



Airick10 said:


> Remember, try not to overthink the room here. Take it easy and let it flow naturally. Things sound okay right now. I agree to call her as long as she answers or responds.
> 
> I'm curious - who started the IM conversation?


I did. I threw out a random message/\. Did she said hey whats up?


----------

