# When you don't trust anyone in your family



## acidicwithpanic

What kind of things have you kept hidden for so long due to untrustworthy family members? Do you feel comfortable sharing any personal things with them?


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## Deaf Mute

Lots of things like sexuality, social life (which is barely existent anyway but still..), places I go to. I wouldn't feel very comfortable telling them many things, even to closer siblings, it's like I live a double life. They only know me through a certain light, but I'm sort of fluid with my interests and like a variety of things.


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## Blue Dino

I could really relate to this. It is often said your family are the ones you can trust and confide in in personal problems. For me, that isn't the case. But more like people I have to try harder to keep things from and try harder to impress. Thus family actually and only further adds more stress to any of my existing problems.


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## fluorish

acidicwithpanic said:


> What kind of things have you kept hidden for so long due to untrustworthy family members? Do you feel comfortable sharing any personal things with them?


Do you not trust anyone in your family?
Iv kept a secret not believing in religion anymore. My family is muslim. Pretty big secret. luckily they'll never see this.


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## firestar

I trust some members of my family but not others, depending on whether or not they're open to discussing personal issues. 

I wouldn't say I hide things from the ones I don't trust, but we definitely don't talk about things that are on my mind because they've shut down discussion about it in the past. There are also issues that we've fought about and then just don't discuss at all, even though the conflicts haven't been resolved.


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## Kevin001

Just my "sex life" is hidden I guess. They know about my anxiety and stuff. Don't understand but know.



Plight said:


> Pretty big secret. luckily they'll never see this.


I hope they don't see this lol.


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## acidicwithpanic

Deaf Mute said:


> Lots of things like sexuality, social life (which is barely existent anyway but still..), places I go to. I wouldn't feel very comfortable telling them many things, even to closer siblings, it's like I live a double life. They only know me through a certain light, but I'm sort of fluid with my interests and like a variety of things.


The comment you made about living a double life really hits home. My first therapist upon diagnosing me with SA had told me that one of the tell tale signs that confirmed her suspicions of my diagnosis was that I had multiple lives and each were present in front of a different group of people. I'm still having trouble understanding how this would be a frequent occurrence in SA sufferers and how this often manifests. My thoughts are that SA sufferers will be comfortable doing everyday tasks in front of family members but struggle to share any personal details about themselves while the opposite is true when they are around people outside of the family.


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## Chevy396

There are many things throughout my life, but lately the main problem has been with how much of a gossip my father is. I can tell him something in confidentiality, because I have no choice, ask him not to tell anyone, then a few days later find out he was blabbing about it at church and at the top of his voice in the hospital to random nurses (and any other patients in hearing distance) who have no business even knowing my name.

My whole family is creepy and they _still_ seem to think I'm someone to take for granted. Ha. Good luck with that.


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## acidicwithpanic

Blue Dino said:


> I could really relate to this. It is often said your family are the ones you can trust and confide in in personal problems. For me, that isn't the case. But more like people I have to try harder to keep things from and try harder to impress. Thus family actually and only further adds more stress to any of my existing problems.


Yup, the perks of growing up in a dysfunctional family. :serious:


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## acidicwithpanic

Plight said:


> Do you not trust anyone in your family?
> Iv kept a secret not believing in religion anymore. My family is muslim. Pretty big secret. luckily they'll never see this.


No I don't (with the exception of my younger sister).

That's tricky deciding on whether or not to tell them about your differing views on religion. If you tell them, you could risk losing support from them and this could be dangerous if you have no one else to turn to. But if you don't, you're constantly living in fear that they'll find out somehow, and that doesn't do anything to help the anxiety.


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## Ominous Indeed

My family members doesn't have the best relationship with each other, so I know for a fact that everyone hides stuff from everyone. Thinking about it my family situation feels a little bit like Game of Thrones.


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## acidicwithpanic

firestar said:


> I trust some members of my family but not others, depending on whether or not they're open to discussing personal issues.
> 
> I wouldn't say I hide things from the ones I don't trust, but we definitely don't talk about things that are on my mind because they've shut down discussion about it in the past. There are also issues that we've fought about and then just don't discuss at all, even though the conflicts haven't been resolved.


As someone who needs closure, that would drive me absolutely mad. Sweeping issues under the rug would just make the anxiety worse for some people.


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## acidicwithpanic

Kevin001 said:


> Just my "sex life" is hidden I guess. They know about my anxiety and stuff. Don't understand but know.


They don't bother educating themselves about the SA?


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## firestar

acidicwithpanic said:


> As someone who needs closure, that would drive me absolutely mad. Sweeping issues under the rug would just make the anxiety worse for some people.


Yeah, it's definitely not healthy. And since my mother was the one who exploded I've spent most of my life tiptoeing around her, which is probably one of the reasons why I developed SA. Unfortunately, since I was raised that way and I don't have a lot of exposure to other ways of dealing with conflict it's what I've considered normal for most of my life. I'm trying to learn a better way.


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## acidicwithpanic

finallyclosed said:


> There are many things throughout my life, but lately the main problem has been with how much of a gossip my father is. I can tell him something in confidentiality, because I have no choice, ask him not to tell anyone, then a few days later find out he was blabbing about it at church and at the top of his voice in the hospital to random nurses (and any other patients in hearing distance) who have no business even knowing my name.
> 
> My whole family is creepy and they _still_ seem to think I'm someone to take for granted. Ha. Good luck with that.


Hearing gossip from anyone is bad enough, but it feels even worse hearing it come from someone in your own family. My older siblings do this crap all the time and it pisses me off. I know they're already growing suspicious of my love life, but I refuse to tell them and will sometimes have to lie just to get them to **** off.


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## fluorish

acidicwithpanic said:


> No I don't (with the exception of my younger sister).
> 
> That's tricky deciding on whether or not to tell them about your differing views on religion. If you tell them, you could risk losing support from them and this could be dangerous if you have no one else to turn to. But if you don't, you're constantly living in fear that they'll find out somehow, and that doesn't do anything to help the anxiety.


No, im not really living in fear that they will find out somehow. But it is something i wouldnt mind them knowing in the future. My immediate family anyway.

I have different levels of some trust for eatch individual basically.


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## Kevin001

acidicwithpanic said:


> They don't bother educating themselves about the SA?


Nope. :serious:


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