# Girls who like eccentric and unsocial guys?



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Instead of ranting that they don't exist, as I so often have in my time here, I thought I'd try a different approach and ask: *where does one find them?*

You see, I've moved around quite a bit in my young life so far, and found myself in various settings, schools, etc. In each case, I've been able to find at least a handful of guys who are approximately like me, in a social sense: openly nonconformist, totally disinterested in most popular contemporary social activities (drinking, clubbing, partying), and generally spend their time on more specific and/or intellectual pursuits (i.e., nerdy). This is just who I am, and it's never going to change for anyone; not even a girl.

What I almost never see are girls who are roughly the female version of myself or my friends. I'm not saying there aren't shy girls, nor nerdy girls, nor girls who might even have some of the same "unique" mental wiring I do. But (a) there appear to be noticeably fewer, and (b) the ones who do have some of these traits appear to blend in much more unoffensively in the social and dating worlds, such that they get pulled more toward the norm over time. The result is that, rare as shy, nerdy girls are to begin with, ones who actually seek out like company appear exponentially rarer.

Note that I'm not claiming knowledge of the entire species with the above paragraph; I'm relaying *my experiences* in an effort to define my question more clearly.

To cut to the chase, I'm curious about where I might find girls who are into, or at least don't mind, a guy who:

- Is shy and awkward around large groups and new people
- Does not party or club or barhop, _ever_
- Can be funny and adventurous at times, but only in a "nerdy" context and not in a conventional way that will make her friends (if any) jealous
- Is not socially confident; only confident in his principles and life decisions
- Does not give a rat's behind about "the crowd" and needs someone who truly feels the same, and strongly

Right now, I'm a grad student in a science major where one might expect to find nerds. Many of the girls in the program may jokingly refer to themselves as nerds, but I dare say not one of them is really that similar to me on a more fundamental level. Most spend much of their spare time actively trying to compensate for any perceived "nerdiness" associated with their major and career choice (as do most of the guys, too, I must admit). So, the seemingly-obvious answer of "right under your nose!" or "in a club related to your interest" is out the window from the get-go.

So, girls of SAS who believe you might roughly fit the description, please enlighten us as to where you may be hiding. Guys, if you've dated/known girls you think actually go for what I described (as opposed to just saying they do verbally or on a profile, which is a whole different ballgame), feel free to chime in.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Try shy girls.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Is the internet too obvious of an answer? I met my husband online.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Double Indemnity said:


> Is the internet too obvious of an answer? I met my husband online.


Not too obvious; just not specific enough. Where at? I'm generally averse to the idea of online dating sites for a lot of reasons (Exhibit A, if you'd like). But, that doesn't make it an invalid answer, and all input is welcome.


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

anomalous said:


> Not too obvious; just not specific enough. Where at? I'm generally averse to the idea of online dating sites for a lot of reasons (Exhibit A, if you'd like). But, that doesn't make it an invalid answer, and all input is welcome.


Well, this is going to date me but it was an AOL chat room. Haha.


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## xxLambyxx (Aug 2, 2011)

Well, I am attracted/don't mind shy or nerdy guys.

-I'm shy, nervous and awkward around large groups and new people. Of course I am, that's why I'm here 

-I do go to my best friends birthday parties and go clubbing/barhopping whenever my friends drag me out (every few months or so, generally when there's a celebration or if we haven't seen each other much).

I don't mind if someone I was dating didn't go out partying etc, but asking for a girl that _never_ went for a night out is asking quite a lot and is something you'd probably have to compromise on and anyway, you and your partner would need at least some time apart to do separate stuff.

-I get told by some people that I'm funny, mainly friends.

Again, asking for a girl that _only_ finds nerdy stuff funny is asking a lot. If I find something funny, then I find it funny.

If I want to explore something or do something, then I'll most likely explore it. I wont be put off just because its not nerdy enough for me, I'll only be put off if i find it too embarrassing or too scary. 

I don't go out of my way to make other people jealous, that's not my aim in life. I'd rather do what ever It is that I want to do, rather then worry about if others are envious of what I have.

I'm bit socially confident, but I am working on getting to the point where I can function/cope in situations that I will need to be in for what I want to do.

I suppose I am confident in my principles, but not too sure what you mean. I know the difference between right and wrong, but then I also believe that there are exceptions to every rule.

I am confident in my life decisions, in that I know what I ultimately want to do with my life and how to get there. My ultimate goal never really changes, but then again, my plans regarding what i want to do _before_ i get to my ultimate goal changes a lot.
E.g. Where I want to travel to, what I want to do before, during and after I university.

I generally prefer to have flexibility in my plans and would rather go with the flow then have definite plans that have no room to move.

-I generally don't care about "the crowd" and try to avoid people who are stereotypically plastic, but if they talk to me (which they generally don't) I'll be polite and respectful, because that's just what I do.

Sometimes I find that those people that I thought were plastics, actually had more to them then I realised and have sometimes managed to have a few good conversations.

If I get lucky enough to find someone I can talk to easily, then I'm not going to push them away just because they were a part of "the crowd." but then again, I won't go out of my way to join "the crowd" either. Popularity is just not important to me at this point in my life.

I'm not sure if I fitted your criteria, but whatever. If I did, then I'd just like to say that I'm not hiding, I'm just in my mums room watching the IT Crowd after watching a Doctor Who marathon.

Is that nerdy enough for you?


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Good stuff, Lamby. I do think you misread one significant aspect of my post, though: that list was describing _myself_. I don't expect the girl to be exactly the same; just to tolerate those qualities in me.

Also, with regard to "never wanting her to have a night out" -- that's not necessarily my position, but if I'm totally honest, I'd love to find someone who actually _dis_likes those activities, too. A girl whose idea of a fun "night out" doesn't involve those stereotypical, purely-social activities that are so unrewarding for me. I realize that such people are a small minority in both genders, which is why I'm having to ask where to find 'em to begin with.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your job and/or educational background? I'm really curious as to any trends or common themes in those areas among nerd-accepting girls (lol).

Double Idemnity, I (not-so-fondly) remember the good 'ol days of dialing up AOL and getting the busy signal about 28 times before finally connecting at 28k. That's interesting to hear, inapplicable as it may be to this millennium :b. I'm usually very impersonal when I'm on forums or (occasionally) in chat rooms, so maybe I'm losing out on some opportunities there.


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## xxLambyxx (Aug 2, 2011)

Yeah, I _thought_ I'd probably misread something. I tend to skim things through then reply without really reading it properly.

I don't really like having those nights out, but I just get a little drunk so that I can get the courage enough to dance around with friends.

When I go out, it's not so I can meet new people or whatever, it's because I want to be with my two best friends and have fun or if we want to celebrate something... I don't really know where to find anyone apart from the internet I suppose? I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to that.

As for my educational background, I went to high school and hated it so much that it interfered with my GCSEs, and I think it was where most of the worst experiences Ive had happened and so my SA got majorly bad.

I went to an agricultural college after and did a BTEC in animal care and then went on to do a level 3 diploma in animal management and welfare, but then I left right at the end of college and only passed three modules for a number of reasons (that was last year).

This year I needed to be closer to home, so I enrolled at the college in my town and got onto a gateway course, where you retake GCSEs. I don't really need to, but all the other courses at the college were either full, or were in a subject that I really was disinterested in.

So basically,I'm doing GCSEs because 
I needed to be closer to home, there was nothing else on offer that I was interested in and because I thought I might as well use this year to do something beneficial.

Next year I'm planning to redo the animal management and welfare course, which would take two more years after this one. 

Ultimately I want to work with lions and other big cats, it's what iv wanted to do since I was little, but I've got a long way to go before I get there.

I dunno, I read and write a lot... People think that's kinda nerdy? And I like runescape and such... I dunno, people generally class me as nerdy... Maybe it's my glasses? 

Im quite sciencey too and I used to carry a rubix cube and a 15 slide puzzle everywhere with me and just solve them whenever I was bored.

And I definately remember AOL dail up, I used to copy the noises the computer made when ever they came up on my dads computer xD
And I dunno about finding anyone on the Internet, I literally fail when it comes to meeting guys and getting in to a relationship.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

Nerds can be fun. Shy guys and awkward guys can be fun.
Not every girl out there is interested strictly in a Brad Pitt type, trust me. 

If you're real and kind, girls who are worth going after will acknowledge it.


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

would that include guys in cults? i ask because i have contemplated joining one on several occasions.


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## hey you (Oct 2, 2011)

hmm. Good question. Personally, I like nerds as long as I can understand them and they are reasonably confident.

It becomes a language barrier if all someone can talk about is something I don't even know the jargon for. For example: sports fanatics *(if it is the only topic they will discuss)* have a whole language to themselves that I don't know and am not interested enough to pursue. The same is true for videogames etc.

Any time a guy becomes self-depricating or demonstrates massive lack of self confidence it is also a turn-off. If you don't like yourself... why should I?

So realize those two stumbling blocks.

Girls who may like you are probably laced throuout campus, at the local church, and serving your coffee at the diner. If they can't find your common ground or see you too nervous (which does signal lack of confidence) they may not see the potential.

There are also people like me, who if I see someone I like... I ironicall run in the opposite direction or feign disinterest out of anxiety if flight is not an option. If I do, however, gather enough courage to stick around, I usually don't have enough to show interest. Just being there is all that I can manage so far.


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## thankyouberry (Aug 11, 2011)

Elite colleges/universities, labs, libraries, museums, bookshops, and of course, the internet. Try joining clubs geared at obscure or nerdy interests. They usually have at least one girl.


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## Ballerina (Jul 14, 2011)

That ^.
There's an abundance hiding in the woodwork. On a not really related tangent, what's mildly annoying are pseudo-intellectuals. Of which there's unfortunately also an abundance. I'm not sure why they try and deny their true nature. There's millions of different species on Earthhh and as a human being you're characteristically intelligent by default. COME ON, sit in the mud with me and watch sitcoms while clutching our lottery tickets.


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## caseyblue (Oct 3, 2011)

I think your best bet is really online dating. Yes it sucks and you are probably going to meet a lot of crazies and a lot of incompatible people but I have found it's the best way to find what you're looking for when its hard for you to go out and actively meet people. You can describe yourself exactly as you are and look for women with the same characteristics. You would probably want to find a site that you have to pay for, at least you'll know the women are more serious about dating. 

Just go into it knowing its a long process and might take awhile. Good luck.


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## WalkingDisaster (Nov 27, 2010)

To the OP: 

They're the same place you are: at home wondering where the guys who like eccentric and/or unsocial girls are.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

WalkingDisaster said:


> To the OP:
> 
> They're the same place you are: at home wondering where the guys who like eccentric and/or unsocial girls are.


 Then when will we ever meet? I'm almost 29, and never had a girlfriend. Clearly, being eccentric and unsocial doesn't work!


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## Dead Leaves (Aug 20, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> *Then when will we ever meet?* I'm almost 29, and never had a girlfriend. Clearly, being eccentric and unsocial doesn't work!


They're at home... on the internet.


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## BeaT (Sep 23, 2011)

There was an add on craigslist a while back that said something along the lines of "I like shy nerdy guys, there is just something about them. Come let me help you out of your shell." It was in the casual encounters section. Just a bit too far away from me or I would have replied.


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## Kathykook (Aug 16, 2011)

Let me tell you where they are all at......THE LIBRARY


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## anti-socialsocialite (May 1, 2011)

Date an SAS girl ROFL.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

Kathykook said:


> Let me tell you where they are all at......THE LIBRARY


This be true :yes

*disappears into maze of bookshelves*


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## Mouse (Jun 2, 2006)

Dead Leaves said:


> They're at home... on the internet.


Yep. 8)


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I'm in pretty much in the same position. Girls like these are very rare or might not even exist. House-dwelling geeky guys are pretty much doomed unless they are physically attractive or a miracle happens.


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## rgrwng (Aug 25, 2011)

shynesshellasucks said:


> I'm in pretty much in the same position. Girls like these are very rare or might not even exist. House-dwelling geeky guys are pretty much doomed unless they are physically attractive or a miracle happens.


Or Vin Diesel. He's a D&D player. My hero.


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## Metal_Heart (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm that type of girl, I met my partner on the internet. Back when I had a myspace I sent him a friend request, and then he messaged me and it all went from there. The good thing about online is, you can be open and honest and get to know someone personality a lot better before having to come face to face with them. 

You could perhaps find a website/forum which involves an interest you have, and strike up private conversations with people on them knowing you have a common interest.

Other than online, I'm generally found in the camera shop or taking long walks by myself... so I can't really say where other girls like me would be in the outside world.. I just know personally, because I don't go to bars, clubs, parties etc. that I'm generally on my own walking places and feeding my own personal hobbies.


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