# Counselling is making me more anxious!



## laurieidk (Mar 10, 2014)

Hi.

I started therapy in January and had my 7th session today. They have been weekly, and my therapist has seen some improvements in me since we first saw each other. 

However, I'm finding myself get more sad and anxious about the therapy itself than what I actually came for. I find it really hard to open up, and when I do it's only minimal and I always end up fading out and not going more deeper. No matter how hard I try, opening up doesn't come naturally to me and she never ends up knowing as much as I want her to know.

For example, she knows I sometimes have suicidal thoughts but she doesn't know I have these nearly every day. She knows that I'm sad, but she doesn't know the intensity of it. I'm always worried that if I tell her more than I've told her before she'll think I'm doing worse and be disappointed.

I'm also constantly worried about what she thinks of me, what I'm like compared to her other patients, and how well she thinks I'm doing. Because of my lack of ability to open up, I'm always nervous that she thinks I'm doing much better than I actually am, and with the sessions following school time (I'm in school) I don't get any during the holidays so the amount of sessions are limited.

Both these things are putting a lot of pressure on myself to tell her everything even though I can't. I often run in my head at nights what I'm going to tell her the next time I see her but I never manage to. I also worry that she thinks I'm annoying, strange or just a lot different from her other clients.

I'm finding myself becoming more worried about what I'm going to say and be like towards her rather than the problems I have myself. I don't think this is to do with the specific counsellor, as I like her a lot, but more myself and how I think. I have felt somewhat better after my first session but I feel like the anxiety about counselling itself is starting to out way the positives of having it to solve my problems.

Should I carry on counselling? Has anyone had similar problems?

Thank youu! :roll


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## secular (Mar 10, 2014)

Hi Laurie

I have also had these similar problems when I go to see a therapist. I feel as though theyre judging me and I hold back a lot because of what they will think. Although I'm sure a lot of her patients feel the same way as you.

I would suggest writing down all the thoughts you have at night that you want to tell her, but don't. Then during one of your sessions give her what you wrote down, this way you don't have to say it. For me, I have felt like that is easier. I usually have all these thoughts running through my head all day and then when it comes to therapy I blank. 

I hope this helps.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Whatever you have to tell her and could never do, just write it down. Give her whatever you wrote on your next appointment. I think it's a mistake to lie to yourself or to not be completely honest to her. She needs to know exactly where to start from. What's her reference point and how to approach your therapy. What to work on.

You shoudn't care about her other patients. It's not a competition. Everyone is unique and may be in a different stage, so it's hard to compare different cases. This is a fight/competition with yourself. Nobody else.

I guess you are very afraid not to disappoint her. Am I right? Maybe also that she might criticize you for not telling her everything from the start. I doubt she will be disappointed or angry with you. She will probably be sympathetic and think what to change in your therapy so she could adress those new issues.

I do not think you should give up therapy just because of that. 
Take care!


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## laurieidk (Mar 10, 2014)

secular said:


> Hi Laurie
> 
> I have also had these similar problems when I go to see a therapist. I feel as though theyre judging me and I hold back a lot because of what they will think. Although I'm sure a lot of her patients feel the same way as you.
> 
> ...


Thanks a lot for this reply, that's how I feel too. I have never thought of writing down the general thoughts I have at night of what to say to her. That's a good idea!


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## laurieidk (Mar 10, 2014)

sad vlad said:


> Whatever you have to tell her and could never do, just write it down. Give her whatever you wrote on your next appointment. I think it's a mistake to lie to yourself or to not be completely honest to her. She needs to know exactly where to start from. What's her reference point and how to approach your therapy. What to work on.
> 
> You shoudn't care about her other patients. It's not a competition. Everyone is unique and may be in a different stage, so it's hard to compare different cases. This is a fight/competition with yourself. Nobody else.
> 
> ...


Yeah you're right, I am afraid of dissapointing her. That's true I guess, I suppose it's better if I say everything I can for her to adjust the therapy instead of keeping it all in like this, but it's easier said than done! That idea of writing things down is useful. I need to stop thinking of what she thinks of me. Thank you for this reply.


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## nightwalker (Nov 20, 2008)

I used to have this problem with my previous therapists and it didn't help me bc I always felt that they didn't understand me enough. but now I literally tell my therapists (i change them bc i move alot) everything to the point where they tell me they're surprised at how honest I am. but it allows them to do their job better if you tell them everything in your head. i'd have to say that therapy has helped me tremendously more because of this. I feel like therapy would be a waste of time and money if i didn't tell them everything.


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## laurieidk (Mar 10, 2014)

nightwalker said:


> I used to have this problem with my previous therapists and it didn't help me bc I always felt that they didn't understand me enough. but now I literally tell my therapists (i change them bc i move alot) everything to the point where they tell me they're surprised at how honest I am. but it allows them to do their job better if you tell them everything in your head. i'd have to say that therapy has helped me tremendously more because of this. I feel like therapy would be a waste of time and money if i didn't tell them everything.


that's true. i'll have to try and get into the habit of just not caring and saying everything on my mind, which is the hardest thing for me. i suppose it'll just come with practise like it did with you.


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## symfan (Mar 31, 2014)

Your therapist might not be a good fit for you. I felt similarly about my old one, but I've recently switched and I feel way more comfortable with her. Mostly because she was straight up like, "I can tell you're closing yourself off and not being totally honest-- but correct me if I'm wrong". 

But I'd say most therapists will not actually say that to you (I think I just got lucky). You should let her know how you're feeling about therapy. She won't be upset or judge you, it's her job to help you. Good luck!


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## sickofshyness (Oct 18, 2011)

I definitely have the same problem. I have told my therapist I get anxious about going to therapy. Overtime the therapist has helped me with the anxiety and I think if I can get over the anxiety in therapy then that will help me out in real life too. Good luck, it is a long process.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

I was just thinking about this! I got stuck with my previous therapist because I had to accept some of her beliefs that I didn't believe, and am so afraid to start with someone new. I am so skeptical about CBT, don't believe in meditation, don't know how to make myself trust anything will work. (The meds help me function, but not improve). What kind of crazy system makes people who are afraid of other people talk face to face with someone to get better. There's got to be tons of us in a spiral of canceling appointments, being disappointed in ourselves for doing so, then giving up altogether because when we need the most help, going to an office full of people is the last thing we want to do. 

This is different from other mental health issues and since the first days of email, didn't any therapist think to allow patients to do an email session, or at least give them the option of some contact that way so the therapist can help the patient get to the session face to face. 

Does anyone know of any therapist that allows some kind of contact by email? (I suppose there could be plenty of charlatans who would gladly take our money and pretend to help- so verifiable credentials would be necessary.)

I want to have hope, and be more open to people, especially my husband who I shut out way too much, but can't seem to force myself to believe I can be better. I'd much rather just lay here in bed when I'm not forced to be out in the world working.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

Laurieidk - you should print this post and let your therapist see it. Mail it to her if having her read it with you there is too awful. Or tell her sometimes you just can't say things, can you email? I'm just hoping some therapist would be willing to receive input from a patient too scared to be themselves some way other than in person. I know it would be wary after she reads it to have to discuss at the next session, but at least you got this important info to her some way and can then work on it. 

Not that I'm one to give advice, I certainly get how hard/impossible it is to talk to someone face to face about how hard it is to talk to people face to face! But they are supposed to give you a safe place to be terrified and talk about it. Best of luck. I couldn't get as far as you have, so I hope out know you are succeeding, but may not see it.


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## KalamityRVT (Apr 4, 2014)

KalamityRVT said:


> I know it would be wary after she reads it


Make that SCARY not wary


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