# Why do I freak out when a guy likes me?



## ktk (Apr 28, 2014)

Ever since I can remember, I've always had the tendency to freak out when a guy shows interest in me. By "freak out" I mean I panic and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. If a guy just thinks I'm pretty I'm usually okay, but the second he makes any sort of move or it looks like he might make a move I lose my ****. If he even speaks to me I get light headed and I feel as if I might be sick.

Growing up I was never sexually harassed or assaulted, my family is pretty normal, my parents argue but not extensively. I've never been in a relationship, partially because of this anxiety. Even as early as grade 1, this boy had a crush on me and I didn't want to go to school because of it. I had to transfer schools in grade 7 because a boy liked me, it's that bad. When I find out they like me I can't help but do anything I can to make them not like me, and this has resulted in me hurting them. I feel awful, but the anxiety is too overpowering for me to not do this.

I started liking boys when I was about 14, which is late compared to most girls. Even when I think they're really cute and think I might like if they asked me out, the second they like me I lose interest and am repulsed by them, even. I'm 17 now, and all of my friends have been in relationships and I want so badly to be in one, but the anxiety won't settle down long enough for me to get close to one! I've never even had a guy friend, so I don't really know how to connect to guys like most girls do, which might be part of the problem.

Presently, a guy likes me and I have no idea what to do. He's really nice and I liked him at first...until I found out he liked me. I don't want to hurt him but I really can't even talk to him it makes me want to throw up. It makes me feel like I'm so messed up and there's no hope for me. None of my friend understand, they tell me to just talk to him and "see how it goes" but I hate the way talking to him makes me feel.. I just can't handle it. 

Please, I know this is long to read but I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. If you've ever been in a similar situation, I'd really appreciate your advice.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

It was brave you to post that. I'm glad you did.

I would suggest gradual acclimation to the male gender. Find a male who you have no romantic interest in and talk to them, hang out with them, give them a hug, compliment them. Whether it's a friend of a friend, or just anyone. Hang out as a group at first, then gradually move to 1 on 1 activities. 

I think the more time you spend around guys your age interacting with them the easier it will become.Then you can face your fears and force yourself to go on a date with a guy.

What do you think it is, deep down? That you wouldn't know what to do or say? Or that you worry you're not good enough or don't deserve them? Or that it's just such a new/scary thing, being liked by the opposite sex?


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## Haillzz91 (Oct 26, 2013)

ktk said:


> Ever since I can remember, I've always had the tendency to freak out when a guy shows interest in me. By "freak out" I mean I panic and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. If a guy just thinks I'm pretty I'm usually okay, but the second he makes any sort of move or it looks like he might make a move I lose my ****. If he even speaks to me I get light headed and I feel as if I might be sick.
> 
> Growing up I was never sexually harassed or assaulted, my family is pretty normal, my parents argue but not extensively. I've never been in a relationship, partially because of this anxiety. Even as early as grade 1, this boy had a crush on me and I didn't want to go to school because of it. I had to transfer schools in grade 7 because a boy liked me, it's that bad. When I find out they like me I can't help but do anything I can to make them not like me, and this has resulted in me hurting them. I feel awful, but the anxiety is too overpowering for me to not do this.
> 
> ...


I had the exact same anxiety and still do, but I finally found the perfect guy and I've been dating him for 3 years.

Honestly, I don't have much advice because I get the same anxiety, but the best I could say is talk to a guy who is very shy because they won't try to hit on you (at least, not for a very very long time) and they're easy to get to know. Confident guys, on the other hand, are difficult to get to know because they end up flirting with you and just wanting "more".


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## kat37 (May 22, 2013)

I am like this too. It is confusing and makes me feel like a confused teen (which at least you are still able to be). I actually went to counseling bc I push so many people away and that was helpful for identifying why I do it.


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## ktk (Apr 28, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> It was brave you to post that. I'm glad you did.
> 
> I would suggest gradual acclimation to the male gender. Find a male who you have no romantic interest in and talk to them, hang out with them, give them a hug, compliment them. Whether it's a friend of a friend, or just anyone. Hang out as a group at first, then gradually move to 1 on 1 activities.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I appreciate the advice! I think it could be because I'm not sure why they would like me, and it scares me that they do for some reason. I'm also not used to a lot of attention from guys (partially because I act so stand-offish towards them), and so I'm not really sure what to do when one decides to notice me. It's weird though that I would be angry at a guy for liking me. I feel like I've been alone for so long that I've just gotten used to it, and every obsticle I've come across I've faced by myself.. And when a guy likes me it feels like he wants into my inner thoughts and I don't know how, nor do I want to let anyone know what really goes on up there...


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## monkhe (Mar 11, 2014)

I think you feel a lot of anxiety because you are taking it very seriously and contemplating all the what ifs of it going wrong. Just relax and go with the flow, live in the moment and don't judge things constantly.


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## mb47 (Sep 30, 2013)

Thank you for posting this. I've been realizing something similar.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

ktk said:


> Thanks, I appreciate the advice! I think it could be because I'm not sure why they would like me, and it scares me that they do for some reason. I'm also not used to a lot of attention from guys (partially because I act so stand-offish towards them), and so I'm not really sure what to do when one decides to notice me. It's weird though that I would be angry at a guy for liking me. I feel like I've been alone for so long that I've just gotten used to it, and every obsticle I've come across I've faced by myself.. And when a guy likes me it feels like he wants into my inner thoughts and I don't know how, nor do I want to let anyone know what really goes on up there...


You're welcome. I sympathize with this because I'm a very private person, a loner mostly, introverted. I'm stubborn, like to do things myself and only ask for help as an absolute last resort. And I have a lot of strange thoughts that I wouldn't want anyone else to know.

Thing to remember is, you get to choose what you want to share or keep private. Even if they ask you directly, you can always decline to answer or change the subject.

When I was a teenager I was always in a state of shock on the rare occasion that a girl showed interest in me, didn't know how to respond, froze up, could barely speak. Finally, the loneliness overcame the fear and I forced myself to go on a date and it went really well, and I started feeling more confident. The feeling of "I'm missing out while everyone else is having a great time" pushed me forward.


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## Marko3 (Mar 18, 2014)

why do i freak out when a girl likes me? =(


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## Marko3 (Mar 18, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> The feeling of "I'm missing out while everyone else is having a great time" pushed me forward.


yeah man.. that annoys me... and funny thing I feel so great, am cute and have great body now (cycling, physical work).. but still i melt around cute girls... and still a V... but im confident.. soon ill b over that SA...:yes


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## xbre (Jul 17, 2013)

I have the same exact thing. I'm 17 as well and even if I think someone likes me I become extremely anxious and avoid them as much as possible. 
What has helped me though is to start off by at least becoming friends with guys. It's better if you're not attracted to them, so that way if something would go wrong you'd have nothing to lose, if that makes sense. 
But I think in your situation you already have an advantage. Since you already know he likes you tell him you just want to be friends and see where that goes. That way you can get more comfortable around him without any pressure.


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## ktk (Apr 28, 2014)

mjkittredge said:


> You're welcome. I sympathize with this because I'm a very private person, a loner mostly, introverted. I'm stubborn, like to do things myself and only ask for help as an absolute last resort. And I have a lot of strange thoughts that I wouldn't want anyone else to know.
> 
> Thing to remember is, you get to choose what you want to share or keep private. Even if they ask you directly, you can always decline to answer or change the subject.
> 
> When I was a teenager I was always in a state of shock on the rare occasion that a girl showed interest in me, didn't know how to respond, froze up, could barely speak. Finally, the loneliness overcame the fear and I forced myself to go on a date and it went really well, and I started feeling more confident. The feeling of "I'm missing out while everyone else is having a great time" pushed me forward.


Yeah for me it's nearly impossible to share my feelings, even with my closest friends or family members. A lot of the time I do push people away when it comes to more personal matters, and it can make me feel very alone.. And it's almost like I don't want anyone to care about me. It's sort of scary when someone shows they care about me, and it causes me horrible anxiety. I just can't figure out why anyone in their right mind would want no one to care about them..


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## ktk (Apr 28, 2014)

xbre said:


> I have the same exact thing. I'm 17 as well and even if I think someone likes me I become extremely anxious and avoid them as much as possible.
> What has helped me though is to start off by at least becoming friends with guys. It's better if you're not attracted to them, so that way if something would go wrong you'd have nothing to lose, if that makes sense.
> But I think in your situation you already have an advantage. Since you already know he likes you tell him you just want to be friends and see where that goes. That way you can get more comfortable around him without any pressure.


Yeah, I don't see him often, since I met him through a mutal friend and he doesn't go to my school. He's 4 years older than me, though, which I don't really like. My friend has been friends with him for a long while though, and she says he's a really good guy. I was attracted to him when I first saw him, but now that I know he thinks I'm pretty and asked for my number I don't find him attractive anymore.. I guess I'll try talking to him and drop hints that I just want to remain friends. Thanks for the advice!


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

ktk said:


> Yeah for me it's nearly impossible to share my feelings, even with my closest friends or family members. A lot of the time I do push people away when it comes to more personal matters, and it can make me feel very alone.. And it's almost like I don't want anyone to care about me. It's sort of scary when someone shows they care about me, and it causes me horrible anxiety. I just can't figure out why anyone in their right mind would want no one to care about them..


It's hard to trust people. Takes time to build up, and it's easily lost. Good to develop a relationship with a friend or family member where you feel like you could tell them anything - usually works best with the one who trusts you the most with their personal matters. A give and take, equal on both sides.

Someone caring about you can feel like a responsibility, as in "They care so much about me, I owe them now because of this, can't let them down" and that is pressure, can feel uncomfortable. What you have to realize is, some people will care about you and love you unconditionally, expecting nor wanting anything in return, and they gain energy and happiness simply from caring. Allow yourself to accept it.

Would you say you have low self esteem issues? I think it could be helpful to identify and understand your strengths and positive attributes, get to like yourself.


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## TediousMind (Apr 4, 2012)

mjkittredge said:


> It's hard to trust people. Takes time to build up, and it's easily lost. Good to develop a relationship with a friend or family member where you feel like you could tell them anything - usually works best with the one who trusts you the most with their personal matters. A give and take, equal on both sides.
> 
> Someone caring about you can feel like a responsibility, as in "They care so much about me, I owe them now because of this, can't let them down" and that is pressure, can feel uncomfortable. What you have to realize is, some people will care about you and love you unconditionally, expecting nor wanting anything in return, and they gain energy and happiness simply from caring. Allow yourself to accept it.
> 
> Would you say you have low self esteem issues? I think it could be helpful to identify and understand your strengths and positive attributes, get to like yourself.


I just wanted to say, you've got really great advice! :yes I really liked reading this thread. I have to say thanks on my end as well.


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

TediousMind said:


> I just wanted to say, you've got really great advice! :yes I really liked reading this thread. I have to say thanks on my end as well.


You're welcome, it's my pleasure. I'm trying to work on being more concise, my posts tend to become novel length.


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## itsmandy (Mar 29, 2015)

I'm so glad I found this thread I have been looking around for days to see if I was the only one who felt this way and it's nice to see people who are experiencing the same thing. It's almost as if I can't function because I get so freaked out. Right now I'm especially nervous because I'm pretty sure this guy likes me and he's the TA in one of my classes tomorrow, so it's very hard to avoid him. I know this post is a late compared to when this thread was going on but I guess I just kind of felt the need to say something it get it off my chest because I haven't been able to talk to anyone else about it. I've noticed then trend of mine to get freaked out for the past few years. 
Thanks to everyone who gave advice this was the only place I've found so far where other people are experiencing this and people have advice for them.


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## Ressurection (Feb 20, 2015)

ktk said:


> Ever since I can remember, I've always had the tendency to freak out when a guy shows interest in me. By "freak out" I mean I panic and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. If a guy just thinks I'm pretty I'm usually okay, but the second he makes any sort of move or it looks like he might make a move I lose my ****. If he even speaks to me I get light headed and I feel as if I might be sick.
> 
> Growing up I was never sexually harassed or assaulted, my family is pretty normal, my parents argue but not extensively. I've never been in a relationship, partially because of this anxiety. Even as early as grade 1, this boy had a crush on me and I didn't want to go to school because of it. I had to transfer schools in grade 7 because a boy liked me, it's that bad. When I find out they like me I can't help but do anything I can to make them not like me, and this has resulted in me hurting them. I feel awful, but the anxiety is too overpowering for me to not do this.
> 
> ...


SA and inexperience will do that. You just have to begin your journey into the world of dating and other things that pertain to that.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

I'm the same way as well. I was molested as a child and raped; I feel like those experiences have influenced my failing relationships. However, I'm still able to have male friends that I feel comfortable around. Maybe having them as friends for now would help prepare you for a relationship in the future. I know it has for me. (I just got out of a three-year relationship which was my first ever.)


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

First of all, just because a guy likes you, you are NOT obligated to talk to him or go on a date with him. Unless you actually like him back, don't let anyone make you think you should. It's a new experience and you're scared so when you do it, do it because you seriously want to. Not just because you feel you should. 

I was exactly like you until I finally started dating when I was 18/19. At 17 I still could barely have a conversation with a guy. Simply put, you'll get used to it. It'll still be awkward and scary, but that mystery will be gone. I kinda miss the mystery to be honest. I wish I could go back and not know what dating was like because it's kinda lame sometimes.


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## Iwannabemyself (Mar 24, 2004)

ktk said:


> Yeah for me it's nearly impossible to share my feelings, even with my closest friends or family members. A lot of the time I do push people away when it comes to more personal matters, and it can make me feel very alone.. And it's almost like I don't want anyone to care about me. It's sort of scary when someone shows they care about me, and it causes me horrible anxiety. I just can't figure out why anyone in their right mind would want no one to care about them..


Hello I know how you feel. I feel the exact same way. I don't for the life of me understand it because all I really want is to be loved, but when I am loved, I get all anxious and nervous. I feel this pressure of wanting to impress the other person and to keep them liking me. Also, I just feel really anxious overall when someone likes me. I need to feel as if I am making a good impression too.(eg. the way I look, come across, talk) the problem is I hate myself when I am nervous! I get so bimbotic. SIGH


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## Iwannabemyself (Mar 24, 2004)

mjkittredge said:


> It's hard to trust people. Takes time to build up, and it's easily lost. Good to develop a relationship with a friend or family member where you feel like you could tell them anything - usually works best with the one who trusts you the most with their personal matters. A give and take, equal on both sides.
> 
> Someone caring about you can feel like a responsibility, as in "They care so much about me, I owe them now because of this, can't let them down" and that is pressure, can feel uncomfortable. What you have to realize is, some people will care about you and love you unconditionally, expecting nor wanting anything in return, and they gain energy and happiness simply from caring. Allow yourself to accept it.
> 
> Would you say you have low self esteem issues? I think it could be helpful to identify and understand your strengths and positive attributes, get to like yourself.


Hmmm... I think you are right. I feel the pressure of wanting to impress them and wanting them to like me. And I get so nervous when they do look at me. (even though I know they do it lovingly) But my mind is going, I am looking weird, I can't think, I am so nervous. All I can think about is him looking at me. And that I look weird.


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## Esther1123 (Oct 10, 2015)

I go through something like this too. It just doesn't compute in my head why a guy would like me like that, when they seem to really like me. I guess I just don't think of myself like that. I usually somehow convince myself that they're really trying to talk to someone else nearby or I'm in their way, even though they're right in front of me and looking at me. It doesn't help that they don't say anything. 
I do usually like them back, though.

There currently is a guy in my class who sometimes gives off a strong impression that he wants to talk to me.
Before he would wait in the hallway during break and kind of move to right next to where I was going to be when I went through the door, and then try to make eye contact with me with a sort of smile on his face. I just wanted to get back to class before the break was over, so I ducked my head down and hurried past him. Then he tried standing away from the door and walking towards me when he saw me coming. I panicked a little and quickened pace. Last week I found that he was standing right across the hall from me after class. I panicked, ducked my head against my books, and left.
After each of these incidents I promised myself that next time I would smile and say hello, but when the moment comes I never feel up to it. 
I also feel like he would think I was weird if I just went up and said hello when he isn't already looking like he wants to talk to me at that particular moment. Which I know is irrational.

It would be a lot easier if he would just say something. I can hold a decent conversation if someone else starts it.

So to conclude, I completely understand, and you're not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ret3 (Nov 16, 2015)

Omg you are my twin!! I feel the exact same way and I don't know what to do.


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## adrianasmith (Feb 4, 2016)

*literally the exact same thing happens to me*

im sick of leading on boys!!
i have been trying to get over it and i almost did recently until i thought too much about it and then the anxiety kicked in.
im sick of being like this, it has to come to an end but i feel like it wont !! 
did you ever find a solution to it?? 
please help me i feel like an idiot, nobody i know understands !!


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## RatherBeRose (Nov 15, 2016)

I cant describe the happiness this comment made me feel. I thoght i was the only one one earth who freaks out when a guy likes them. Like im as straight as a wall so i know its not that, its just ever since i could remember when i found out someone liked me i would FREAK and i dont know why. Most girls would try talking to the guy and maybe start dating. Me? I would avoid the living hell out of him ?. Like last year this guy came up to me on valentines day and told me i was cute. Of course i had no idea who he was (turned out he was in my grade and has moved the week before) i said thanks really awkwardlly and got all hot and sweaty and red. Then i went to class after Very awkwards silence. A few days after i was walking to my class and he passed by me we made eye contact and he motioned for me to come over to him. I freaked. I told him i needed to get to class in the politest way possible. This kept going on for about threee days. Thwn he started showing up outside the band hall which i had second period. I would walk with my friend to that class. Each time he wanted to talk to me i would just give him a hesitent look and said i have to get to class. It became to daily that i DREADED going to second. I would feel sick to my stomach like i had diarreah or somwthing like i had to throw up. I started to get really sad before school knowing he was going to be there. There was nothing wrong with him. It was all me. I always tried to hide behind my friend walking to band hoping and praying so much that he wouldnt see me. My friends told me to just talk to him but they didnt understand how anxious it made me feel. Then one day i FINALLY stopped when he motioned me over because he had started following me to my class. I was walking with my friend when he said he needed to tell me something. So i stoped walking and turned around still scared. My friend kept walking but i told her to stay with me. When he caught up he looke at her and said "why is she here?" in a disgusting way. And she replied "becasue i want to" ??? that. Made me feel so happy. There was an awkward silence after that and i decided i needed to get to class. When i was walking away i heard him say "thats fu*ked up." and turned my head to see him walking away. That got me mad. And i kind of felt less guilty for pushing him away. He was one of those guys who did drugs and talked really gehtto. I was far from that group. Idk that was what happend last year. This year im 16 and a junior, never had and friends that were boys, never invited anyone to my house, never had a boyfriend or have kissed anyone. I dont know whats wrong with. I spend a lot of time alone. But i have friends that i text and hang out with at school. Its just once i leave sxhool, thats where the line crosses. No one has really came to my house or ive never hung out with anyone. Idk why, maybe its because ive always been alone that ive grown used to it. I dont hate being alone, but i am alone a lot and that gives me room to think and think and worry a d worry and critisize myself and idk what to do. I hate socializing because i feel like im the ugliest girl in the world. I hate going to school because i feel lime everyone is staring at me and i get really hot sometimes then i feel like a smell when i start sweating and i dont like getting up close to people because i feel like my face is gross. I disgust myself and i dont know why. I jsut want tl be one of those girls who have pretty skin and hair and can talk and ask questions in front of class and arnet afriad to talk and flirt with boys or get insecure when Guys stare at them. I cant have a guy staring at me without feeling insecure. Idk idk idk. Its probably not that big of a deal anyways. Ive told my parent that i might have social anxiety but they just go on telling me that they struggle sometimes with presenting too. I ca t help but feel this is something different. Though. Like when a teacher gives out and assignment that we are going to present like a month later, that presentation will not leave my mind. I will think, think and think of ways i could avoid of presenting even if it costs my grade. I almost forced myself to throw up just so i can pretend im sick that day so i wouldnt have to go to that class and present. I HATE being late to anything because when you walk in the room evrryo e is staring at you. Idl if its really a big deal. I have just had ths teoublw fora while now. Also my at random times my heart rate picks up really fast for like 3 seconds to where i can feel it in my throat and then goes away. Idk what thTat is either. Anyways back to the boy likeing topic, idk what to do. I mean i desire the opposite sex but whenever anyone starts showing appeal towards me i FREAK.hahahahHHHH i think im going crazy? idk what to do. Glad to know someone feel the same though. I really thought i was alone


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Maybe if you can overcome your anxiety then it wont be as much of an issue?


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## Chrzschy (Nov 20, 2016)

I know I'm about two years late to this party but gosh I am so grateful for your authentic honesty and the wholesome advice and agreement of others on this forum. So thank you first off! Secondly it seems like we are not the only ones who feel this way which is encouraging. Although our reactions are different our reasoning is very similar. Personally I will develop feelings for a guy. I may even start to like him. But as soon as I find out he likes me, I start freaking out. Even being asked out on a date causes me
to not sleep at night. I am trying very hard to pin point what could be causing me to feel this way. I too have grown up in a healthy and loving family and have not faced any kind of sexual violence or assault. 

For me this is how the process has happened in the past. I start liking the guy. I think. Oh I could totally see myself dating this guy and I wish we would. And then, when I begin to realize he might feel the same way, I get excited. But as soon as he makes it clear, or asks me on a date, or as soon as I anticipate he is going to confess his feelings for me I feel really stressed and anxious, and I have a series of repeating thoughts....mind you, many of these are selfish, but I am just being honest. 
?what if I date this guy and there is a better guy that I meet, or another guy currently that is better for me when we become serious?
?what if I lead him on and then lose his friendship in the process?
?how will I know? 
?will his cons outweigh his pros?
?am I responsible enough to not lead this person on and to be what they need?
?are they good enough for me? Am I good enough for them?
?what will people think of us together?

It's not even specifically these questions all the time, most of the time the thought of a guy liking me just freaks me out. it makes me anxious. I love romance, I love supporting my friends in relationships and there are many tv and movie relationships I adore and think, I want that someday. But as soon as someone asks me on a date I freak out.

Specifically right now, there are a few coworkers of mine that I find so attractive and have hearts of gold. But one has asked me on a date. I literally couldn't sleep. I begin thinking, I can't date a coworker and I can't date since I'm not fully sure if I like him. Which by the way, when ARE you fully sure when you like someone???

I also have noticed and am not certain if any of what I'm about to mention coincides with my anxiety of people liking me. But I've never enjoyed holding hands. I have wondered if this is because I'm a very independent and extroverted person and holding hands makes me feel controlled, but I am not sure. I simply can't pin point it. Does anyone else have this issue? Or may be able to contribute to why I don't want to hold hands?

I am so grateful for a space where I can be honest and dissect my thoughts...a place where we can all do it together!


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## rufior (Sep 5, 2017)

I never realized that other people felt this way. For me, it has mainly been a problem in recent years. When I was in my earlier teens I wasn't interested in guys and guys weren't interested in me, so it wasn't an issue.
It was only when I got to college and guys started being interested in me that I discovered it was a problem. I was friends with a guy until he expressed he was interested in me romantically. I panicked immediately and cut off all communication with him. In retrospect, it was a really ****ty thing for me to do, and now it's awkward between us.
Worst part is that the same thing has happened with a couple other guys, and it is happening right now with yet another one. I don't want to be weird, or to feel awkward, but that's just what happens. 
I like the idea of romantic interactions, but reality is a different story.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

I was this way too and still a bit and I'm 35 now lol, but this was only with guys not women. Thankfully I never brought much attention to me and I was rarely hit on, flirted with and so on, even if I had zero interest in the guy I would feel anxiety as I was thinking that they would discover I'm not so good, that there was nothing likable of me... my mind exploded thinking all those why not and then I was fearful of that person to be staring at me and "discovering" me. However with the time is less awful and I'm in a point now in which I just have accepted that is ok if someone stop liking me, is ok that they find out I'm nothing likable to them, is ok if certain person don't love me. I don't think what applies to me may apply to you, but I stated in another post I have some characteristics of the avoidant personalities, I'm guessing that in my case it was caused by a mix of stressful things that happened to me when I was a child.


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## rockbottomrage (Feb 26, 2017)

I hope the teens in this thread can find a resolution before it becomes full blown philophobia.Im 30 and philophobic, and its not pretty. Its a vicious cycle.


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