# BDD- Body Dysmorphic Disorder



## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

Its not really a secondary disorder for me, its probably the main disorder and my social anxiety is a result of that. The reason why I find it so hard to be around people is because I always think my face is going to depress them or that they won't want to be around me because of how I look/ I often get the feeling people take an instant dislike to me because of this.

Im very into design (graphic design) and often see myself as a rubbish piece of design. I get frustrated that I can make my work look good but I can't make myself look any better. Im very visually lead and I think this makes it harder.

Anyone else here suffer from this?


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## jasminex (Jan 3, 2009)

Finally someone who has the same problem as me. Were you made fum of as a child; i was, and i think it has something to do with that. When kids called me ugly i assumed they meant my face and i think that's why the worry now is about what people are thinking about my face. I also have OCD which makes it hard to get the negative images i have of myself out of my head. 

Have you started any therapy for BBD or tried any conventional or alternative medications yet?


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## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

thats the weird thing, I was never made fun of because of how I looked but I sort of sensed people thought I was ugly because of how they were around me/ certain things they said. But no one ever said ' you are ugly'. I just really hate my face.

I only recently went to my GP about this and she was lovely about it and referred me to a mental health link nurse who is going to start CBT with me at some point this year. How about you?


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## jasminex (Jan 3, 2009)

Because i have agoraphobia i had to find someone who was willing to do therapy with me over the phone. So I am now doing CBT over the phone. I had my first session yesterday but mostly did a lot of crying, I wasn't expecting that to happen. I tried Paxil and Prozac for anxiety but had an allergic reaction to both so now i"m looking for something natural to try.

Just curious - are you a perfectionist?


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## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

yeah, I've also only had one session so far and I cried pretty much throughout. I forgot to mention I take propranolol 40mg to ease the physical effects of anxiety, but it seems to work less and less everytime I take it.

In answer to your question, I would definitely say I was a perfectionist - yes. Not so much with having to be successful in everything in life, but in terms of visuals/my work - yes.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

RibbonBows said:


> Its not really a secondary disorder for me, its probably the main disorder and my social anxiety is a result of that. The reason why I find it so hard to be around people is because I always think my face is going to depress them or that they won't want to be around me because of how I look/ I often get the feeling people take an instant dislike to me because of this.
> 
> Im very into design (graphic design) and often see myself as a rubbish piece of design. I get frustrated that I can make my work look good but I can't make myself look any better. Im very visually lead and I think this makes it harder.
> 
> Anyone else here suffer from this?


I could've written this post. I too am dissatisfied with the way I look and feel anxious as a result. I also happen to be into graphic design as well and that doesn't help the situation.


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## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

Olazet91 said:


> I could've written this post. I too am dissatisfied with the way I look and feel anxious as a result. I also happen to be into graphic design as well and that doesn't help the situation.


wow really?
I've been reading 'The Broken Mirror' - a book about BDD and i found it really interesting to read of the link between being in the art/design field and having increased anxiety/BDD concerns. I felt like it explained why I feel this way - I wasn't particularly bullied or teased for the way I look but 'I' hate it - I just can't stand the look of myself.

I often feel like other people are solid and defined whereas when I look in the mirror everything seems blurry and lacks definition.


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## Dreamer'sHideaway (Jan 8, 2009)

I'm pretty sure I have this. I've had excema my entire life and I never wear shorts in public- THIS lead to odd skin pigmentation (chemicals in creams probably lead to the problem too) and I have freckling patterns on my knees and elbows but nowhere else. Most freckles are tiny... these ones aren't. I've had them since I was... oh, about 8 years old. I have a hard time wearing a t-shirt in public but in the last 2 years I've been able to. I still avoid t-shirts when I can and I still never wear shorts in public. I probably have BDD for other things that I'm not even aware of.


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I have not been diagnosed with BDD so I have a question for those who have been diagnised with BDD;

The last couple of years (of which I have not been to any doctor or therapist) I've had a lot of trouble looking at myself in mirrors and in photos. I avoid all photo opts; at work, at home, anywhere really. I cannot look at any photos of myself, old or new. I cannot look into mirrors most of the time, only when I am at home and I do that with a lot of fear. I have a tiny mirror (on purpose) just to put on my make-up; I cannot leave the house without make up. I hate it when people talk about myself, come close to my face or body. 

I don't know...most of the time it feels like I am the ugliest person on earth and I hate myself. Is this a part of BDD or is it just low self confidence?


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## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

victoriangirl said:


> I have not been diagnosed with BDD so I have a question for those who have been diagnised with BDD;
> 
> The last couple of years (of which I have not been to any doctor or therapist) I've had a lot of trouble looking at myself in mirrors and in photos. I avoid all photo opts; at work, at home, anywhere really. I cannot look at any photos of myself, old or new. I cannot look into mirrors most of the time, only when I am at home and I do that with a lot of fear. I have a tiny mirror (on purpose) just to put on my make-up; I cannot leave the house without make up. I hate it when people talk about myself, come close to my face or body.
> 
> I don't know...most of the time it feels like I am the ugliest person on earth and I hate myself. Is this a part of BDD or is it just low self confidence?


I would say this is almost certainly BDD - the low self confidence is obviously coming from issues with your appearance. The stuff you describe about mirrors and photographs and feeling the ugliest person in the world - I can relate to. However, I find that when I'm on my own I look in mirrors a lot, sometimes just sitting in front of one and thinking 'Oh god what the hell is that' but if there are others with me/in the same room I avoid them completely. I never get my photo taken - ever, this used to annoy my family but I think they've just learnt to respect that I hate photos now.

I went to my GP with my sister as she had seen a documentary on TV about BDD and immediately realised this was what I had, so we got some print outs and went to the GP. I was referred to a mental health nurse and I am starting CBT - but the CBT this woman does is not specifically for BDD, it is for general self- esteem and social phobia.

So, although it sounds as though this is what you have, its not a big deal to get it 'officially diagnosed' I don't think. I don't know whether you are getting treatment/therapy but the CBT techniques used seem to be tailor made to everyones circumstances.


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## ecstasy (Jan 4, 2009)

victoriangirl said:


> I cannot look at any photos of myself, old or new.


I feel the same way because I always think photos aren't accurate representations of who I am. (I have BDD as well)...there's this discrepancy between who I feel I am..identity-wise and how I am on the outside. I still hate looking at photos of myself (esp. bad ones where my skin is horrid..that's where my BDD/OCD originated from...years of acne)..all the albums my mom made years ago with photos she'd taken from vacations, I just began to flip through them this month. And I think to myself..ugh I was so ugly back then (I was WAY too skinny and tall and gangly and my skin is so oily it's like a mirror) how in the world did I even go out..


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

i don't think i have BDD - i think i have right to feel so obsessed with my appearance since i really am that hideous. i think it's a bit better than before now that i've found the right make-up and clothing that makes me look presentable but i still obsess about it a lot. i avoid being in front of cameras like the plague - people always joke about it and think its just shyness but i hate it so much and get such a strong reaction from being photographed that i almost feel physically ill. even harder now with digital cameras and facebook and alcohol.. haha.
actually a major (srsly) leap in my "progress" in obsessing about it less is that i've had a picture of myself as my profile pic on facebook for the past few months. for the whole eight years i've been using the internet and social networking sites this is the first time i've willingly put a posted a picture of me online. no one in my life has any idea but thats a big thing for me.

whether i have BDD or not - my appearance is a major barrier in life. on top of my SA, even if i feel confident about having things to say i can't approach people esp guys because i feel like they will ridicule my appearance. example i'd love to approach guys at concerts but i'm sure they would just glance at me and have no interest in continuing conversation. there are people i know online who i'd like to get to know better or IRL but that would require me showing them my photo or having to meet them face-to-face and once they know how ugly i am they won't want to. it's not even the opposite sex too - i feel like my appearance is being judged negatively by both genders and all ages.

like a couple of you i was never made fun of which is why i'm a bit confused as to where this obsession came from (besides the fact that i feel i am this ugly). i have had guys ask me out and talk to me but.. i don't know. i can't possibly see what they are attracted to in the slightest bit. i am even weird about my body. i only weigh 100 pounds but i still think i look horrible 24/7.
some mornings are extra difficult to, if i feel like my make-up isn't perfect or my eyebrows look odd, or if i can't get my outfit right. this is something i've very embarrassed about as well - i was hospitalized a couple times for strong suicidal urges and one of two reasons i felt life wasn't worth living was because i was so hideous, but i couldn't even tell any of the docs that because i knew they would agree with me secretly and i wouldn't believe any of the lies they'd tell me in an attempt to convince me otherwise.



Celestite said:


> I don't have bdd, I just desperately want to look like miranda kerr or lily cole or devon aoki.


from seeing your pictures and reading your posts, i really think you have BDD.. just my perception though.


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## RibbonBows (Jan 6, 2009)

nothing to fear - That is exactly why I didn't want to go to the doctors about it, I just thought the symptoms of BDD were just natural reactions to looking disgusting and I didn't want them to judge my looks so they could decide whether what I was feeling was founded/unfounded. But I later read that BDD is not always just an imagined-ugliness but a preoccupation with ugliness - and a feeling of never getting used to the way you look. Some people can just accept the way they look and try to work with it but I can't seem to do that.

So yeah, judging from what you've said I would say it is likely this is BDD, I can certainly relate to everything youve said.


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## lonelysoul1980 (Jul 26, 2008)

I have some issues regarding how I look esp. my face. I'm also very design/artist oriented person so I'm sure that doesn't help because aesthetics are important to you. Couple that with being raised in an environment where no one around me looked like me and were so culturally different, I felt alienated and I thought it was mostly because of my "different" look.

For me my issues were worst when I reached adolecense and into my college years. I wouldn't even look in a mirror or have my picture taken. I was convinced I was super ugly. I boxed and played contact sports like football and basketball, so I also broke my nose a few times and this left me convinced I was a monster due to a lack of symmetry..

Now, I've kind of settled into who I am and for the most part, like how I look but it's still an on-going process.


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## Dreamer'sHideaway (Jan 8, 2009)

nothing to fear - i could relate with a lot of what you said. I definitely was never made fun of for my appearance either so I also don`t know where the obsession came from. With me though, I don`t really know how to put on make up in a way that helps - which can be a problem. I think if I knew how I might be able to feel more confident maybe. Generally I`ve always disagreed with make up but occasionally wearing masquera helps because my eyelashes do not stand out at all since they`re light coloured (I have red hair). Most days I look tired (people have told me that many times and its starting to get annoying) and I feel ashamed to make eye contact with people. I think that is something that has gotten worse as I`ve gotten older.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

This has been my problem too, I felt so self conscious and ugly that it made me anxious in situations where people would be looking at me, I felt so uncomfortable and awkward. 
I felt this way due to many put downs, insults, called ugly, etc and it just brainwashed me into believing I was ugly and shameful and that people only judge me that way when they see me.

But I posted in 'positive thinking' section of this forum 'I look fantastic', because I realise I lost the plot, I totally started believing all the negatives and ignored all the positives. I believed the flaws in my appearance which people judged me negatively for were so terrible and people saying I was ugly made me think I really am so ugly. But looking back, when most of these comments were said, I didn't look my best whatsoever, I was scruffy, spotty, skinny, awful hair, cheap clothes, to be honest I did look crap but who wouldn't if they just looked their worst possible. But also I analysed who said these things to me and they were all people who were shallow, insensitive and had no brains. People like that will be critical of how people look and what I realise now is that I need to understand and make an agreement that there are people like that out there who will judge me negatively for some 'flaws' and who will think negatively of how I look, but I need to realise the people who think like that are these people I cannot stand, shallow, insensitive, no brains and I have no time for such people, I don't want people like that to like me, I don't want to give those people a second thought. I really need to realise this because its crazy living life fearing what people you cannot stand think of you. 

Anyway, I do aim to look my very best now, I look nothing like I did when I was judged negatively. But the biggest thing is that I have had positive comments and dated some women I liked and had women show interest in me. This feedback is more valid and relevant than the negative ones because for people to say nasty things about how you look to your face proves they have motives to want to say this - to make you feel bad, to make themselves feel better, maybe to show off to friends. So now I have adopted a self image of remembering when women said I looked good and showed an interest in me, I look my best now and I think of myself as looking fantastic. I think about it all the time thinking only positives and when I look in the mirror look positively of myself. This is IMO the answer to beating this problem. People with BDD or close to having BDD are stuck feeling so negative and ashamed and ugly, they dwell on just negative experiences/comments or look at themselves in a hugely critical way. Whilst you are stuck thinking like that you cannot beat this problem, you cannot stop being anxious and self conscious. We all have flaws, we all have imperfections. Look at the people you have really liked and found desirable, if you look at a critical eye at those people I bet you can find flaws or imperfections. You don't have to be perfect to be good enough and worthy. 
And remember confidence is a huge factor in attractiveness. Very few confident men or women will be interested in a man or woman who has no confidence in themselves. Believe you are beautiful, concentrate on looking your best, think of yourself in terms of self image based only on positive comments and experiences as these were comments on you! Don't dismiss them! And make an agreement with yourself that some people will not like you and will judge you negatively, but realise what sort of people they are, people who see beauty is skin deep, they are shallow, insensitive, they have small brains, these are people you should have no time for, don't care about them and what they think.


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## paper heart (Jan 22, 2009)

Yeah, i'm a sufferer.

I have Crohn's disease and was on steroids when I was about ten years old to basically save my life. The side effects are terrible--i was pudgy and had a round face to say the least.
I was called everything.
Monster, ugly, fatty, fatass, hideous, etc.

Since then, I've shrunk a lot. The names are still stuck to me.



Anyway, why do hate your face so much?!
If you're comparing yourself to people in magazines or something, that is so unrealistic.
I think people are so effing fake nowadays. 
It's like, people are faking reality.
They try to be real but they are fake.
And it's obvious.
So they are ugly.
Because they are fake.

if that makes any sense.



Please don't tell me you're comparing yourself to plastic people!


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## paper heart (Jan 22, 2009)

RibbonBows said:


> nothing to fear - That is exactly why I didn't want to go to the doctors about it, I just thought the symptoms of BDD were just natural reactions to looking disgusting and I didn't want them to judge my looks so they could decide whether what I was feeling was founded/unfounded. But I later read that BDD is not always just an imagined-ugliness but a preoccupation with ugliness - and a feeling of never getting used to the way you look. Some people can just accept the way they look and try to work with it but I can't seem to do that.
> 
> So yeah, judging from what you've said I would say it is likely this is BDD, I can certainly relate to everything youve said.


FASDFDJFH

I'm so excited to hear this from another person besides myself.

fdjfhsdjfdsfhdhasdhfsd


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## koblags (Jul 15, 2011)

is this thread still active?


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## Sosay (Oct 30, 2010)

I've read what you've written and I think I have BDD. I always think I'm ugly. My ears, my nose, my hands.. All parts of my body are ugly. I think people don't like me because I'm ugly. I also think I'm ugly when I make-up. :rain


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## Hiccups (Jul 15, 2011)

very much so.... the worst thing is that ok maybe it's just my own view of myself but what I feel about myself to me is most important, I'm the one that has to live with me every moment. If I ever mention anything to my parents etc it's just "oh you're being silly", oh...ok how silly of me! :S It can make it hard to trust and believe the opinions of those that are close to you, they want you to be happy and are more likely to play stuff down to make you feel better. And ugghh cameras get them away from me now or run the risk of sweeping it up with a pan and brush.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

I look at my face in the mirror and I hate it... I take pictures of myself and like them temporarily and then I delete them later. The way I feel on the inside doesn't match my outside. I think it's bull**** when people say things like "Accept yourself" Maybe you're okay with your appearance and can live with it but not everyone can. Honestly I wish I could have plastic surgery or just become a different person entirely sometimes. I hate living in this limiting, mortal, ugly, meat sack of a body. I hate my human flaws.

I love beautiful things and when I look in the mirror all I see is a monster.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I think I might have that, never happy with my body.


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## macrotus (Aug 31, 2014)

If you believe you have it, see a professional, the internet can be helpful, but it's not a diagnostic tool.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

LichtLune said:


> I look at my face in the mirror and I hate it... I take pictures of myself and like them temporarily and then I delete them later. The way I feel on the inside doesn't match my outside. I think it's bull**** when people say things like "Accept yourself" Maybe you're okay with your appearance and can live with it but not everyone can. Honestly I wish I could have plastic surgery or just become a different person entirely sometimes. I hate living in this limiting, mortal, ugly, meat sack of a body. I hate my human flaws.
> 
> I love beautiful things and when I look in the mirror all I see is a monster.


Yeah, I feel pretty much exactly the same way. I wish I could accept the way that I look; I really do try. But it's hard when there isn't a single feature that you like about yourself. I hate knowing that people are looking at me. That's why I avoid leaving my house unless I absolutely have to.

I just wish I was invisible, just a disembodied voice. Or that I could wear a mask. Like a supervillain. That would be cool, too.


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## loneranger (Dec 29, 2012)

I see my deformed chest and always think if somebody would love me like this.


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