# I need a girlfriend.



## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

I hate being lonely, shoot me .


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

voodoochild16 said:


> I hate being lonely, shoot me .


sex is the devil's temptation


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

Some Russian Guy said:


> sex is the devil's temptation


Hmm.. cool.


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## asdlkm (Jul 31, 2010)

A relationship isnt a viable solution by itself.


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## LucasM (Dec 2, 2010)

Do you really NEED a girlfriend? Sure it would be nice to have, but it's not necessary in order to feel happiness.


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## ImWeird (Apr 26, 2010)

You don't need a girlfriend, you want one.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

asdlkm said:


> A relationship isnt a viable solution by itself.


To loneliness... what if it was?



LucasM said:


> Do you really NEED a girlfriend? Sure it would be nice to have, but it's not necessary in order to feel happiness.


Being alone is the problem, finding a relationship is the solution.



ImWeird said:


> You don't need a girlfriend, you want one.


I've been told I NEED a girlfriend, it's not just something I want.

Thanks for all your somewhat helpful suggestions though, as all my friends are in relationships I think it's quite normal to think this way. FML until a solution is found..


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

If you're making threads about how you need a girlfriend, you don't need a girlfriend.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I was just as miserable with a gf as I am now. Completely overrated, dude. Is it just for the sex or companionship?


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

thekloWN said:


> I was just as miserable with a gf as I am now. Completely overrated, dude. Is it just for the sex or companionship?


its for companionship and everything else. Everyones opinion is different and im very confident im not the only one who thinks this way. Maybe your relationship just didnt workout and every relationship can be different. Im just looking for opinions of people that can compare or relate but screw it theres no use. If anyone else has anything more to say keep your negative comments to yourself, thanks.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Let me ask you this if you don't mind: Have you ever been in a relationship?


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

thekloWN said:


> Let me ask you this if you don't mind: Have you ever been in a relationship?


ive come close before, but ive never been in a full fledged gf/bf relationship. How about you "theklown"?. Out of all the people that have social anxiety out there where most of them or a high percentage havent been in a relationship how about you?. If your going to say relationships suck then tell that to all my friends and family who are in relationships.


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## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

asdlkm said:


> A relationship isnt a viable solution by itself.


It could be.


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## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I think I'm getting married soon. My first girlfriend . I'll pretty much marry anyone if she is skinny and short. The caste that I am considers light skinned girls to be more attractive. But TBH I think Tamil girls look better when they are dark. My mom wants me to marry a light skinned girl (I think she wants her grand kids to be light skinned ) but I prefer darker girls.


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## lucyinthesky (Mar 29, 2009)

Have a really irritating girlfriend for a week... then you'll realise how lucky you are


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

It doesn't make you any better of a person. Trust me.


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## Resonance (Feb 11, 2010)

I dont think a girlfriend in of it(her?)self is a solution. You need, or at least want, a _good_ romantic relationship. I went out with a girl for the sake of having a girlfriend, it was terrible. Like anything else, relationships/girlfriends come in the good and bad variety.


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## Kustamogen (Dec 19, 2010)

going into any relationship where you feel you NEED it will only end in trouble...big trouble


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## i a (Jan 5, 2011)

voodoochild16 said:


> I hate being lonely, shoot me .


If problem is single. The solution is girlfriend.

If your lonely then you need more. You need connection. You need companionship. A girlfriend alone won't solve loneliness.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

Im surrounded by people in the real world (reality) that pressure me because i dont have a girl. But cou.tless opportunities have come up but ive put them down.. Because i guess my standards are high. Not every relationship is the ****s like you guys claim. Im lonely, like alot of people here and thats normal. Im not remaining single my whole life, thats for sure and im not going to remain *totally afraid* my whole life of women. Why dont we get some people posting in here with positive opinions on relationships that worked out, not opinions of the worst possible outcome (failed relationships).


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## ChubbyFish (Jan 8, 2011)

voodoochild16 said:


> Im surrounded by people in the real world (reality) that pressure me because i dont have a girl. But cou.tless opportunities have come up but ive put them down.. Because i guess my standards are high. Not every relationship is the ****s like you guys claim. Im lonely, like alot of people here and thats normal. Im not remaining single my whole life, thats for sure and im not going to remain *totally afraid* my whole life of women. Why dont we get some people posting in here with positive opinions on relationships that worked out, not opinions of the worst possible outcome (failed relationships).


So everything you said, yeah i am on the same exact page as you. I have a weird combo of high standards and low self esteem, so half the time when i do realize i cant have everything i think I am not good enough for others and i run away from perfectly good opportunities. I tried just being with my friends and it really helped that "needing" a relationship...until they all started dating. Literally all of my friends within a week lol. First things first, those high standards have got to go. When you put up a high fence a lot of great opportunities cant even clear the wall in a first leap (awesome metaphor right?!). I dont know if you have this problem too but dont think of everything being serious. All thats going to do is toss a bunch of stress on you. 
I wish you happy hunting :b


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

ChubbyFish said:


> So everything you said, yeah i am on the same exact page as you. I have a weird combo of high standards and low self esteem, so half the time when i do realize i cant have everything i think I am not good enough for others and i run away from perfectly good opportunities. I tried just being with my friends and it really helped that "needing" a relationship...until they all started dating. Literally all of my friends within a week lol. First things first, those high standards have got to go. When you put up a high fence a lot of great opportunities cant even clear the wall in a first leap (awesome metaphor right?!). I dont know if you have this problem too but dont think of everything being serious. All thats going to do is toss a bunch of stress on you.
> I wish you happy hunting :b


Thanks fish , now I feel better. I definitely do have that combo too but my opportunities are not meeting my standards, if I had them I would of taken advantage of them by now. My low self esteem comes from my appearance which does factor in to my mood, I just think I'm overweight.. and it's not a decision I've made to feel like **** because of that but it's just a natural part of SA.

All my friends eventually all got into relationships then got married, almost all of them, but their all in relationships that's the point. Now I am the third wheel whenever I hang out with them. I hope in time this will change. Thanks for stepping in .


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## Allegory (Jan 8, 2011)

voodoochild16 said:


> I hate being lonely, shoot me .


Yes yes. I am tired of being lonely too. I do agree with some poeple, you dont need a girlfriend to be happy.. But sometimes it can extremely helpful to your self esteem to know someone finds you attractive or interesting.
loneliness can be crippling. I often feel this type of pain and its one of the main causes of my depression.


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## RUFB2327 (Sep 28, 2008)

you say all of your friends have significant others, right? and I'm assuming none of them have SA? The reason I ask is because most people who do not have SA are happy with themselves and do not have the issues that come with having SA which allows them to be in happy, fufilling relationships. 

Now, that is not to say that people who have SA can not have happy relationships, in fact, there are some that do, but sometimes people who suffer from SA are unhappy with themselves and they feel they need a relationship to be happy so they jump into one for all the wrong reasons and do not feel any better about themselves.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

RUFB2327 said:


> you say all of your friends have significant others, right? and I'm assuming none of them have SA? The reason I ask is because most people who do not have SA are happy with themselves and do not have the issues that come with having SA which allows them to be in happy, fufilling relationships.
> 
> Now, that is not to say that people who have SA can not have happy relationships, in fact, there are some that do, but sometimes people who suffer from SA are unhappy with themselves and they feel they need a relationship to be happy so they jump into one for all the wrong reasons and do not feel any better about themselves.


Good thanks for mentioning that, and that is why I haven't been in a relationship lately. I've had many opportunities but I've put them down mainly because I would be unhappy. And it's very common for us, your right, that some people just take any relationship they can get and end up being unhappy with that relationship probably in most cases and don't feel any better. I predicted this before I stopped and thought again for a second when those opportunities came up. For a year I was unintentionally leading a girl on at work and she was always friendly and **** and we would go to movies, she thought I was her boyfriend and that I agreed or something.. I didn't.. at all... I just wanted to be friends so that's when I became more communicative with woman that wanted to go out with me, I just made it clear from then on.

It also mentions in this video:


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Peter Attis said:


> If you're making threads about how you need a girlfriend, you don't need a girlfriend.


This.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

who doesnt need a girlfriend. Its a human need.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> This.


And?.



MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> who doesnt need a girlfriend. Its a human need.


Yes it's the meaning of life.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> who doesnt need a girlfriend. Its a human need.


I for one don't "need" one. Women are VERY low on my list of priorities right now.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

voodoochild16 said:


> And?.


And? ... how constructive.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> And? ... how constructive.


Just thought I'd get you back in a worthless one-word response, so there! in your face!. I made a thread on how I need a girlfriend because it has to do with relationships and I think we're in the right place .


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

MavenMI6Agent009 said:


> who doesnt need a girlfriend. Its a human need.


I don't. Commitment frightens me.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

Patron on a ship of fools said:


> I don't. Commitment frightens me.


Only the afraid will remain afraid.


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## Sadaiyappan (Jun 20, 2009)

I need to stop flirting with girls that are half my age. I do it without thinking about it sometimes. I don't see many hot indian girls in the US, so now that I'm in India and they are all over the place I'm used to acting the way I do in the US (noticing an Indian). And sometimes a girl will flirt with me, but then that puts me in a different mood, and I end up flirting with someone else which I need to stop doing. Because the next ***** might not really be in a mood to flirt.


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## Patron on a ship of fools (Nov 17, 2009)

voodoochild16 said:


> Only the afraid will remain afraid.


If it means I get to keep avoiding commitment, I'm completely okay with that.


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

I don't understand any of you telling this guy he's right or wrong in looking for a relationship to feel better about himself when all you have is personal experience. You've not lived his life, only your own. I'm not one to decide for a person what changes them for the better. Even Relating to past experiences you people have had "I went out with a girl, it was terrible so girlfriends aren't the answer necessarily." If this is the best way you'd appeal to m experience thenmy experienewould still suggest to me that noone would know. If experience coutned for as much as that then the older people would get te less they would suffer and I don't think anyone could probe that to hold true.

"Caius was a man, all men are mortal to Caius was mortal." Noone has ever been Caius though and Caius isn't going to die for no reason. Anything other than his death caused from nothing is irrelevant advice to me because there the similarity between the rest of the world an Caius ends with each of us I feel. I could gabble on about American or Western culture, past experiences, how we've all felt the same(which seems ridiculous but I'm open to that possibility too) and alternative treatments but like a moth to flame there's noone in this world that could tell a moth to feel differently about the light so long as he sees it, as he does. Not to say that we're all the same moth, not all moths die, some moths hit the light hard one day and never look back and some just drift away of their own accord and EVEN THAT'S discounting ALL the moths I've never seen! Even the space to listen to someone is a step too far for some moths not that in listening advice is even relatable enough to affect the moth anyway, however gingerly you whisper it to them. Moths either die or decide not to follow the light for themselves, it's not for us to swatt them away. We're not all cowboys though. I feel, when we're ready to accept that that's when hearing other people feeling the same thoughts impartially comes into play maybe not even asking for it but feeling it for themselves(my experience which I hold unreliable even having lived it). This guy is feeling something now so far once again that my experience would suggest. The feelings have built up of him seeing his friends happy with girlfriends within a culture that I suspect glorifies relationships with the outside world before that of your own heart, feelings of other people giving him THIS VERY nature of life altering expertise and I don't think he truly felt any of it for himself but that's no more than my experience either...


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## ChubbyFish (Jan 8, 2011)

Have you tried trying to focus more attention on yourself? (specifically what you think a relationship will fulfill) I found that a lot that I believed a relationship would fix or add can be found in other ways. I had like zero hobbies, took up photography, painting, sculpting, ect. and being able to make a good piece of work really helped with my "need" for a boyfriend. I'd still like one, buts its not as bad as it was before. You might want to give it a try seeing that it seems like me and you are on the same page for a lot of this.


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## asdlkm (Jul 31, 2010)

To elaborate on what I said.. A relationship can definetely help, but to rely on it to turn things around by itself, or moslty by itself, isnt going to work. Youll have too much invested unto it in a way that will make every notpositive thing become a much bigger deal to you than it should be. If things went sour youd be in a worse place than when you started. You need to improve your social standing in general, be more social, maybe make a friend or two. You need to improve your selfesteem somehow (work out, learn french, making friends, whatever it may be). A gf will help, absolutely, but its a bad idea to make it the biggest part of it all.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

asdlkm said:


> To elaborate on what I said.. A relationship can definetely help, but to rely on it to turn things around by itself, or moslty by itself, isnt going to work. Youll have too much invested unto it in a way that will make every notpositive thing become a much bigger deal to you than it should be. If things went sour youd be in a worse place than when you started. You need to improve your social standing in general, be more social, maybe make a friend or two. You need to improve your selfesteem somehow (work out, learn french, making friends, whatever it may be). A gf will help, absolutely, but its a bad idea to make it the biggest part of it all.


Well just to elaborate on what you guys don't already know. I've overcome alot of my Social Anxiety, it's no longer a fear of mine to leave the house to check the mail, or stand in line at the checkout. I delivered papers first, then got a job stocking shelves overnight, then unloaded trucks and had gradual exposure to customers for a couple years and now I'm the one standing in a million checkouts bagging groceries, so thats no problem, theres just minor Social Anxiety symptoms that I have to conquer still.

I also believe that a big chunk of my Social Anxiety is from Body Dissatisfaction, and I do plan to work on that. I have a few plans to do make the changes required to get to where I want to be socially, and physically, that I can't not see helping me win a relationship, as confidence increases. I've made lots of friends already, I just have limited time to spend time with them with two jobs, while going to school.

I also certainly have hobbies, so a relationship is not something to just kill time, but in a companionship kind of way entirely... not being lonely is my main goal, but again I don't want just any female to hang out with, theres my standards that stand in my way... which I'm comfortable with. I'm glad the tables have turned on this thread by sticking to what I believe in, with more people that can relate that are stepping in to share your opinion, I thank you for that. Anyone else that can relate share anything more if you want.


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## fredbloggs02 (Dec 14, 2009)

What leads you to believe your problem is body dissatisfaction? I was just curious how you planned to work on that? Going to a gym or looking inwards. I suspect you meant gym membership.


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

i dont want a gf at all. It would be really annoying. We would have to be absolute best riends.

However, i would like someone to cuddle with. That would be nice. Not really a sex buddy, but ya know. Someone i can experience physical euphoria with to release tension. Ive been deprived of physical contact with a girl. It really sucks.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

fredbloggs02 said:


> What leads you to believe your problem is body dissatisfaction? I was just curious how you planned to work on that? Going to a gym or looking inwards. I suspect you meant gym membership.


Well most people dissagreed with this idea but I know it's purely the reason I feel like **** all the time, and low self esteem/confidence because of the way I look. But my the BMI for males in my age of 22 (19-25) is in between the weight of 148-194, and I'm in between at 170, so I'm gonna aim for 150 by going to the gym and eating a little more healthy. I know I have a eating disorder so I'm seeing a neurologist in over a week from now. So that's my step towards moving in the direction I want to go in terms of conquering my Body Dissatisfaction, which is a cause for alot of things. 
Heres a couple links on the subject for those who are going through the same thing:
http://www.helium.com/items/1875204-how-being-overweight-can-affect-your-social-anxiety
http://www.suite101.com/content/mental-health-effects-of-obesity-a27133


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## asdlkm (Jul 31, 2010)

Youre doing damn well it sounds like, congrats on that.

Good luck on the being healthy thing too. Eating right and exercising really has a positive effect on you. I need to get back into that myself, especially since I think my body might be starting to slow down and I might not be able to eat/sit around all day and not pay for it ;x


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

asdlkm said:


> Youre doing damn well it sounds like, congrats on that.
> 
> Good luck on the being healthy thing too. Eating right and exercising really has a positive effect on you. I need to get back into that myself, especially since I think my body might be starting to slow down and I might not be able to eat/sit around all day and not pay for it ;x


It's going to be hard, and thanks for the strong encouragement. Only in time I will see results, not overnight (remember that brain). Stupid perfectionism, gets the best of us. I tried going to the gym every day for an hour to two hours and then stopped completely, I'll try just toning it down a notch and never go beyond my limits if it's for the medium or long term. I'm waiting on my appointment on the 17th with the Neurologist before I start really getting into my goal of eating healthier and going to the gym, I need to know the facts, and most importantly the right way of doing it.


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## deadwarrior666 (May 12, 2009)

Sadaiyappan said:


> I think I'm getting married soon. My first girlfriend . I'll pretty much marry anyone if she is skinny and short. The caste that I am considers light skinned girls to be more attractive. But TBH I think Tamil girls look better when they are dark. My mom wants me to marry a light skinned girl (I think she wants her grand kids to be light skinned ) but I prefer darker girls.


LOL I know how an indian family is, they all prefer light skin, but I prefer darker girls too


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Do you *need *a girlfriend, or *want *a girlfriend? There's a difference.

Also, don't listen to what society says. Society is screwed up, that's why babies are having babies.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

WintersTale said:


> Do you *need *a girlfriend, or *want *a girlfriend? There's a difference.
> 
> Also, don't listen to what society says. Society is screwed up, that's why babies are having babies.


That is also why "idiots" are having babies.... maybe I'm being too cynical but I've known a few!


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Do you *need *a girlfriend, or *want *a girlfriend? There's a difference.
> 
> Also, don't listen to what society says. Society is screwed up, that's why babies are having babies.


i think everyone both want and need a girlfriend despite their fears of having one if that fear is of rejection. The answer for me though is i both want and need a girlfriend, and im working towards that ****. Not anyones opinion stands in my way. But if you actually want and suggest to have a girlfriend.then welcome to the club!. Dont waste your time man.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Although I believe I do not need a gf to survive and be happy, I almost feel like I'd be a better person if I did, and not because of my esteem but mainly because it'd bring *new* experiences in my life that would be beneficial to me both to conquer that sense of loneliness and to help me learn and grow as a person. I think learning from a healthy relationship will do leaps and bounds for me as a maturing person. In that sense, it feels like I'm being denied a chance to change, but I know this probably isn't exactly true.


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## voodoochild16 (Jan 20, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Although I believe I do not need a gf to survive and be happy, I almost feel like I'd be a better person if I did, and not because of my esteem but mainly because it'd bring *new* experiences in my life that would be beneficial to me both to conquer that sense of loneliness and to help me learn and grow as a person. I think learning from a healthy relationship will do leaps and bounds for me as a maturing person. In that sense, it feels like I'm being denied a chance to change, but I know this probably isn't exactly true.


The problem lies where the barrier blocks us from getting through and succeeding in recovery. It's a one man/woman mission, which would/has torn any human being apart. The only solution is a timely and very gradual change, putting time aside each day. As much as I say that I find it impossible to believe and stick to. Until then I'm an outcast, no girlfriend with most people that know me, thinking less of me.


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