# Ask AllTheSame Anything. Anything. I'll Be Brutally Honest.



## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

I won't be responsible, however, if my answers freak you out, make you wish you had never asked, or make you want to quit SAS forever just for having known me. Meh. Otherwise. Ask away :grin2:


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Don't be chickens....


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## Baldy Nohairs (Jun 20, 2015)

AllTheSame said:


> however, if my answers freak you out, make you wish you had never asked












First question. Ever thought about raping a man? EVER. Even if it passed the mind for 0.2 seconds.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Baldy Nohairs said:


> First question. Ever thought about raping a man? EVER. Even if it passed the mind for 0.2 seconds.


Getting right to the important questions.


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

^^ Lmaooooo.

How long have you been a Rockets fan, and why?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Baldy Nohairs said:


> First question. Ever thought about raping a man? EVER. Even if it passed the mind for 0.2 seconds.





Persephone The Dread said:


> Getting right to the important questions.


Ffs.

Thanks. Beautiful way to start a thread @Baldy Nohairs

Ffs ffs ffs

No, I'm very straight, probably the straightest man you'd ever meet. I knew I wanted women, before I was old enough to know what to do with naked women. Sry if that offends but it's very true.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

How tall are you?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

StephCurry said:


> ^^ Lmaooooo.
> 
> How long have you been a Rockets fan, and why?


I first became a Rockets fan when I was in Little League lol. I think I was 12? I remember Hakeem Olajuwon. I remember Phi Slama Jama and Guy Lewis, and Clyde Drexler. If memory serves (this was thirty years ago) we were in the dugout playing a baseball game, my Little League team, and my dad was coaching and they had the final four on the radio and we were all listening to it.

They completely reinvented how the game was played imo. They had a completely different style of play they brought to the game.

I've seen them play a few times, was fortunate enough to get tickets about a dozen or so times and it was amazing to watch them, especially back in the 90's when they had their back to backs. I miss those days. I really, really miss Olajuwon lol.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


> How tall are you?


5'11"


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## SA go0n (Mar 5, 2014)

I'm a hot, sexy lady looking for a nice man on SAS to date. Would you be interested?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

SA go0n said:


> I'm a hot, sexy lady looking for a nice man on SAS to date. Would you be interested?


Heh.

Uhm. Yeah. Let me think.....

Heh.

I think I've been down that route. I think I've tried that before. I think I've btdt. I think I'd rather lose my left nut than do that again.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

bunch of shicken chit's that won't ask me any thing. OK.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

what is your height? Come on? Seriously?


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

Please don't roll your eyes and think "so typical of him lol" or something along those lines to this, but I'm wondering -- have you ever had any cases of same sex attraction?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

ShatteredGlass said:


> Please don't roll your eyes and think "so typical of him lol" or something along those lines to this, but I'm wondering -- have you ever had any cases of same sex attraction?


No. I'm attracted to women, without a doubt. I knew when I was I think five years old that I liked girls. I didn't know what to do with them yet lol, but I knew they looked a whole lot better with no clothes on. I was a little pervert I guess lol.

I had a bisexual friend in hs and college, and he made a move on me one night after a bunch of us had gotten really hammered. I just got up and walked away from him lol. I think I was too drunk to get pissed off at him, tbh.

You're the second person in this thread to ask me if I have an attraction to men. Although @Baldy Nohairs asked me about rape, which is just sick. Do I give off some kind of homosexual vibe or something? Ffs.....


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## flyingMint (Aug 31, 2015)

Is it really All The Same?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

flyingMint said:


> Is it really All The Same?


No, it's not lol. That's one of my favorite songs ever, by the Sick Puppies. The video tells the story of a guy and girl that fall for each other, but it's a relationship that's just doomed to fail. They're hopelessly in love with each other but they just can't make it work. I like it so much because I've been in a relationship like that before. It's very sad but still one of my favorites. It reminds of the ex I had from four years ago, the one that I lost to suicide. The girl in the video even looks a bit like her, and acts like she used to act in some ways.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

How many women have you slept with? :laugh:


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


> How many women have you slept with? :laugh:


I don't kiss and tell :grin2:


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Jeff271 said:


> Have you ever snacked on cold pizza in the shower?


No lol. I get in and get out pretty quick no time for pizza. I miss the days when my ex-gf from last year would come over to my apartment for days at a time, and we'd go to work together, and then come home and shower together. Ffs, that was waaay better than pizza in the shower. Omg. That woman was just simply amazing. I still miss her lol. I think we could be friends with benefits if we only lived a little bit closer. We probably could be in spite of the distance, actually. And I've thought about it. I just got too attached to her. She wanted a no strings attached kind of thing, and I ended up wanting more. FML.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

What do you have nightmares about?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

The Library of Emma said:


> What do you have nightmares about?


I still have nightmares about my ex-girlfriend's suicide. I witnessed the whole thing. I don't want to go into details, I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to relive it all over again right now. But she died in my arms, I called 911 of course but she stopped breathing before EMS could get to her house. There are parts of that day, and several days after that I can't recall, that I have no memory of. I remember my dad telling me that he showed up at her house before she died on arrival to the ER, and he said that after I found out I was sobbing uncontrollably on my knees in the middle of the driveway. I don't have any memory of that, at all. He said he had to literally drag me to his car.

I had nightmares for the first year that were very bad, I actually had night terrors sometimes. Those were scary. I was put on a prescription by my psychiatrist to stop the nightmares, and it worked. I thought they had gone away for good about a year ago, but now they've come back every now and then, though they're rare. (the nightmares, not the night terrors). My therapist says I have them because I'm not talking about it enough, I'm not engaged enough in grief counseling, I miss appointments sometimes...so my brain is dealing with it all in other ways. Idk. I try to talk about it but my therapist pisses me off so much sometimes that I won't go back for a while. We have a love hate relationship lol.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

How does the therapist piss you off?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> How does the therapist piss you off?


Because she is just....relentless. I'm convinced she has a knack, some kind of secret power, to know what I least want to talk about during any given session....and she will pick that one thing. She will make me talk about it. Either that or I will get so pissed off I will just leave (which, I've done before). She doesn't just make me talk about the suicide, she makes me talk about the parts of it that bother me the most. For example, the guilt I have. The conversation we had before we went to bed, the night before she killed herself. She's made me relive that several times. Or, she wants to talk about the relationship I have (or had) with her daughters. We don't even talk anymore really, except for her middle daughter, and it's because it's just too painful. Her daughters and I used to get together every weekend and then it just became too painful I guess. Her oldest daughter and I used to talk quite a bit. We would talk a lot about memories of her of course, we would cry on each other's shoulders at times, and I think it just got to be too much. She reminds me so, soooo much of her. She looks like her and acts like her totally. And she says I remind her of her mom when she was still here too much. So I have a lot of guilt, about her suicide in general, and I have an incredible amount of guilt about her girls no longer having a mommy. And so my therapist wants to talk about it. Over and over again.

I leave her office sometimes feeling much, much worse than I did when I went in. I've completely broken down in her office before during grief counseling, when we're digging into the suicide and what happened. I don't like talking about it. And she is relentless when it comes to talking about it. That's what pisses me off. But you're supposed to talk about it. And tbh she is a pretty good therapist. That's her job. She's supposed to make me talk about the difficult stuff, the stuff that scares you or depresses you the most.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yeah, that would do it.

I'm sorry that you have to live with that memory. 

What is the most embarrassing thing you have done lately?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Uhm....omg.

*sigh* Well I did say ask me anything, ffs.

I just started a new job, but before I left my old one, we were working in a construction zone for a grand opening, for a retailer. And getting through the aisles was tricky, I mean there was pallets of stuff everywhere, shelves everywhere. So I was walking on top of the base shelves (the lowest shelves) to get through an aisle and I slipped on something wet and lost my balance. It was like in slow motion watching me fall. I just completely busted my *** lol. And of course about twenty people saw me. Everyone was like "are you alright"? No one was mean about it but they could have busted my balls about it if they wanted to lol. I was OK. It was just kind of embarrassing. Kind of like a woman tripping on her dress. You just don't do that. You know it's a construction zone, you know there's stuff everywhere, just be careful, can you not walk?


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Would you be willing to continue going to your doctor, even with the feeling that you might feel worse than you did going in? Part of the process is to experience the pain you avoid, but in small enough doses that the doc can help you through it.

You have come a LONG way from those days......but I am still saddened to hear that you are having occasional nightmares......Ffs. :lol. I had to throw that in; you know that.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Do you really have bipolar? Not to sound accusing at all, I'm genuinely curious/concerned and would like to hear your story (if you have one). Kthxbai. :tiptoe


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

AllTheSame said:


> I still have nightmares about my ex-girlfriend's suicide. I witnessed the whole thing. I don't want to go into details, I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to relive it all over again right now. But she died in my arms, I called 911 of course but she stopped breathing before EMS could get to her house. There are parts of that day, and several days after that I can't recall, that I have no memory of. I remember my dad telling me that he showed up at her house before she died on arrival to the ER, and he said that after I found out I was sobbing uncontrollably on my knees in the middle of the driveway. I don't have any memory of that, at all. He said he had to literally drag me to his car.


 Man, that sucks. I have only really known one person who died and she died of natural causes (old age). That's one of my major SA issues. I just can't deal with a lot of the real world stuff like people dying. It would be especially traumatic if it happens like this.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

millenniumman75 said:


> Would you be willing to continue going to your doctor, even with the feeling that you might feel worse than you did going in? Part of the process is to experience the pain you avoid, but in small enough doses that the doc can help you through it.
> 
> You have come a LONG way from those days......but I am still saddened to hear that you are having occasional nightmares......Ffs. :lol. I had to throw that in; you know that.


Well thank you. I'm not so sure I've made much progress sometimes, really lol. At least I can hold a job now. At least I'm in therapy (sometimes). I have a whole lot of guilt, and trust issues, that I don't think I'm ever going to work my way through.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

coeur_brise said:


> Do you really have bipolar? Not to sound accusing at all, I'm genuinely curious/concerned and would like to hear your story (if you have one). Kthxbai. :tiptoe


Yes. Well...it depends on which of my psychiatrists you listen to. I see a woman that has diagnosed me as bipolar several times over. There is no doubt in her mind that I'm manic depressive. Then I used to see a doc in the same building actually, that says I was misdiagnosed as bipolar by another doctor several years ago. He says I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I did these psych evaluation tests for both doctors, a long sort of Q&A about everything from past relationships to my moods to trust issues to my anxiety levels. My answers for all the tests I've taken show that I'm bipolar, and borderline lol. I honestly don't know who to believe anymore. I just know I'm pretty screwed up, I have issues and I need to be in therapy and I need to stay on my meds. My psychiatrists can fight amongst themselves about what label to put on me lol.

I have huge mood swings when I go off the Lithium, that last for days, weeks sometimes. I have crazy highs and lows for what seems like no reason sometimes. I've gone on spending sprees for no reason before. I act very impulsively sometimes.

As for being borderline, I have all the signs for that, all the characteristics, except for problems controlling anger. I have huge trust issues and fear of abandonment, a history of troubled relationships, I think in black and what sometimes, "all or nothing", all of that stuff.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Man, that sucks. I have only really known one person who died and she died of natural causes (old age). That's one of my major SA issues. I just can't deal with a lot of the real world stuff like people dying. It would be especially traumatic if it happens like this.


Yeah it changed everything, it changed who I am as a person. There's the guy before it happened, and then there's who I am now, on and after 4/23/12. I had serious trust issues and a fear of abandonment before it happened so I'm really screwed up now lol.

I still slip her name into conversation sometimes, and I of course still think about her every single day. She was more than my gf, we were best friends. My family and the very few friends that know about her never, ever mention her though. I feel like it's a huge elephant in the room. People tiptoe around the whole subject and if I mention her name the whole room goes silent, you could hear a pin drop. So I've gotten to where I just don't bring it up much anymore, it seems to make people very uncomfortable.

One of the worst things is, I think every woman I'm with now, I'm going to be subconsciously comparing to her. I mean, how could I not?


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Did you miss me?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Did you miss me?


Yeah I missed you. Trouble maker :grin2:. Are you still going 12 rounds with the mod team lol?


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## The Condition of Keegan (Feb 1, 2016)

What makes you happy?


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## xLostInStereo (Jun 28, 2016)

Why did you choose to join this site?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Halfhardtim3s said:


> What makes you happy?


My kids  I'm different when I'm around them, I have almost no anxiety. I'm happiest when I'm about to see them and usually most depressed after I've dropped them back of at their moms.

Also being at the beach makes me happy. If I could I'd live by the ocean. I'm happy now because I'm spending the weekend at the lake with my kids. It's not the beach but, meh, close enough.

~sent from my GalaxyS4


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

xLostInStereo said:


> Why did you choose to join this site?


I joined in 2010 under a different user name...when I joined back then I was hoping to get some advice on how to cure my anxiety. Yeah I was pretty clueless lol. I realize now I'm stuck with most if not all my disorders until I die. The best I can do is try manage them with meds and therapy.

I still come here because there are users here whose opinions I value, and whose advice I listen to. And it's difficult for me to quit this place, it's like an accident on the side of the road. You know you shouldn't look but you do it anyway.

~sent from my GalaxyS4


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> I've seen them play a few times, was fortunate enough to get tickets about a dozen or so times and it was amazing to watch them, especially back in the 90's when they had their back to backs.* I miss those days. I really, really miss Olajuwon lol*.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

AllTheSame said:


> I joined in 2010 under a different user name...when I joined back then I was hoping to get some advice on how to cure my anxiety. Yeah I was pretty clueless lol. I realize now I'm stuck with most if not all my disorders until I die. The best I can do is try manage them with meds and therapy.
> 
> I still come here because there are users here whose opinions I value, and whose advice I listen to. And it's difficult for me to quit this place, it's like an accident on the side of the road. You know you shouldn't look but you do it anyway.
> 
> ~sent from my GalaxyS4


I must be one of those happy accidents. :lol

I am posting more about this "triumph" in the Random Thought of the Day Thread (after my 137K post milestone - yeah, I am still here too). How do you feel about people attempting to do their own repairs, taking a risk, and win?


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## Arbre (Mar 9, 2014)

What's your favourite colour?


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

When you feel down and out, what keeps you going?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

millenniumman75 said:


> I must be one of those happy accidents.
> 
> I am posting more about this "triumph" in the Random Thought of the Day Thread (after my 137K post milestone - yeah, I am still here too). How do you feel about people attempting to do their own repairs, taking a risk, and win?


You are. I think taking a risk is usually worth it. I've made car repairs and home repairs before that I didn't think I could do, that I'd never done before and they usually ended up saving me quite a bit of money. Also gives you that sense of accomplishment you can't get any other way.

~sent from my GalaxyS4


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Arbre said:


> What's your favourite colour?


Blue.

My ex gf's baby blue eyes, blue oceans and blue skies will always be my favorite things.

~sent from my GalaxyS4


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

thekloWN said:


> When you feel down and out, what keeps you going?


My kids. Some days they are the only reason my feet hit the floor. I have days, as most people here probably do, where I just want to put the blankets over my head and stay in bed all day. I'm convinced I wouldn't even be here anymore if not for them.

Meds also keep me going. I very rarely have times when I feel down and out for too long anymore. Whereas I used to go for weeks at a time feeling that way. The difference between me when on my meds and me when not is like night and day, ffs.

~sent from my GalaxyS4


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

Who'd you wanna be in a parallel universe? 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

Do you say 'ffs' in real life as much as you do online?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> Who'd you wanna be in a parallel universe?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


I'm not sure. I know this answer is boring as *** but I'd just want to be normal. I get so tired (as all of us do) of battling this anxiety stuff, and all my other disorders. I'd like to know what it's like to never have to think about or worry about anxiety / depression.

I might want to be a PGA golfer. Those guys have a tough life. Playing golf all day. That's your job, ffs. Wow.

I might want to be Amy Schumer. I think she's hilarious, and she's kind of hot in a way to me lol. But then I'd be attracted to myself, so not sure how that would work. I love how blunt she is, she just says what she's thinking and she doesn't give two fuqs. I kind of look up to her in a way because her whole attitude is "this is me, love me or hate me, whatever" and she's so unafraid to be herself and express herself, damn the consequences.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

StephCurry said:


> Do you say 'ffs' in real life as much as you do online?


Almost, yeah. Ffs. I try not to irl as much because I know it would get annoying (and I've been told it's a little annoying online by one other user lmao).


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

How did you become such an awesome dad?


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Is your name a reference to the Bon Jovi song, meaning only the names will change? (Somebody else may have asked. I don't know. I haven't read the thread. Feel free to ignore).


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

Do you think life would be better for you if the average lifespan was to 50? 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

ANX1 said:


> How did you become such an awesome dad?


Well, thank you...I don't think I'm an awesome dad...I think I do the best I can. I have a lot of things I need to work on. My oldest was just diagnosed with MDD and GAD. I have a lot of guilt about that, it's something I was talking to my therapist about earlier. I think one of the best things you can do for your kids is lead by example....they don't do what I say, they do what I do, and unfortunately I've made some mistakes. I have a lot of guilt about the divorce, even though my ex-wife is the one that had the affairs. I worry about how that's affected them.

I have a pretty amazing father. There's no doubt he's been the most positive influence on me, in my entire life. He's had the biggest impact. I look up to him because he's struggled, he's fought and he's always managed to win. He wins at everything he does. He doesn't even have a college degree and he's very successful at what he does...I've met some of the guys he works with and they look up to him. He makes more per year and is more successful than I'll probably ever be lol. He has a pretty nice corner office. He also works his *** off.

I also decided at a pretty young age that I didn't want to be like my mom. She was very abusive. I swore if I ever had a family (and I knew I would one day) I'd never treat my kids the way she treated me and my sister.

My kids are my whole world, the whole reason I even bother getting up in the morning. Being a dad is a lot like being on a roller coaster. Sometimes it's scary, sometimes fun, sometimes you don't know what the hell is around the next turn, sometimes you feel sick. But mostly it's really, really fun. I'm blessed to have my kids in my life at all, they're awesome. The love I get back from them is 1,000 times what I give, and in ways I never expected.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Is your name a reference to the Bon Jovi song, meaning only the names will change? (Somebody else may have asked. I don't know. I haven't read the thread. Feel free to ignore).


Nope. It's a song by the Sick Puppies. I talked about it earlier lol...it's a song that reminds me of my ex. I think I know which Bon Jovi song you're talking about though. I used to really like them when they were big like 30 years ago I guess. God I'm old.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

How old are you?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> Do you think life would be better for you if the average lifespan was to 50?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


No, I don't think so. I used to never want to live past 30. I can remember thinking that way when I was in hs. Everything changed after I had kids. I want to see them finish growing up, I want to see them graduate hs and college. I want to be around for them as much as I can. The older I get the more I feel like life is really short...it's almost not fair in a way. I don't feel like I have enough time anymore. My kids are teenagers and it seems like just yesterday when I was helping change diapers and teaching my son how to throw a baseball and reading to them. I can't get any yesterdays back, all I have is tomorrow and I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can. This may sound really fatalistic lol, but since my ex-gf's suicide I feel like I don't know how much time I have left with anyone anymore....I mean, I really don't, no one does if you think about it. Hug the ones you love, you never know if it might be your last chance to. Part of the guilt and regret I have about my ex is I wish I had more time. One more night with her, one more time on the front porch swing watching the sunset with her in my arms, like we used to do. One more time at the beach with her, that was one of our favorite places. I'd do anything to have even just a few more hours with her. I've played over and over in my head, literally thousands of times, the things I never told her that I wanted to. The things I never did for her that I wish I'd done. So I try to live my life like it's my last day with my kids, with family and the few friends I have. But that's difficult to do sometimes. I get caught up in everyday bull****, I get stressed, I get down, I get fed up with life sometimes. But I try to live everyday like it's my last.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

thekloWN said:


> How old are you?


Old enough to know better but still young enough to not care :grin2:


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> No, I don't think so. I used to never want to live past 30. I can remember thinking that way when I was in hs. Everything changed after I had kids. I want to see them finish growing up, I want to see them graduate hs and college. I want to be around for them as much as I can. The older I get the more I feel like life is really short...it's almost not fair in a way. I don't feel like I have enough time anymore. My kids are teenagers and it seems like just yesterday when I was helping change diapers and teaching my son how to throw a baseball and reading to them. I can't get any yesterdays back, all I have is tomorrow and I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can. This may sound really fatalistic lol, but since my ex-gf's suicide I feel like I don't know how much time I have left with anyone anymore....I mean, I really don't, no one does if you think about it. Hug the ones you love, you never know if it might be your last chance to. Part of the guilt and regret I have about my ex is I wish I had more time. One more night with her, one more time on the front porch swing watching the sunset with her in my arms, like we used to do. One more time at the beach with her, that was one of our favorite places. I'd do anything to have even just a few more hours with her. I've played over and over in my head, literally thousands of times, the things I never told her that I wanted to. The things I never did for her that I wish I'd done. So I try to live my life like it's my last day with my kids, with family and the few friends I have. But that's difficult to do sometimes. I get caught up in everyday bull****, I get stressed, I get down, I get fed up with life sometimes. But I try to live everyday like it's my last.


You have no idea how much I'm rooting for you. Like if there was a petition dedicated to your happiness and joy and your children's future, I would sign it not out of pity or charity but like straight up, pure respect. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> You have no idea how much I'm rooting for you. Like if there was a petition dedicated to your happiness and joy and your children's future, I would sign it not out of pity or charity but like straight up, pure respect.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


Thank you, I appreciate that. I don't deserve respect any more or less than anyone else here, I think it's a struggle that everyone gets through in a different way and one I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't know what the hell I'm doing really, I'm just trying to fight through most of the time lol. I wish nothing but the best for you and for everyone struggling with this ****, and I wish there was a magic pill, I wish there was some therapy I could take that would make it go away. I think the best thing I can do is to not give in and not give up. I've found in the past that when I lock myself in my apartment, house, whatever, and just become a recluse, and give in to my anxiety and depression then I lose....I lose big, every time.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@AllTheSame

Ok, thank you. 

You are very blessed.


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

What's ur middle name?

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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> What's ur middle name?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


I can't say lol, I used to get teased about it when I was a little kid. It's not anything all that strange. Someone just twisted my name around and made fun of it so I don't tell anyone anymore lol.


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> I can't say lol, I used to get teased about it when I was a little kid. It's not anything all that strange. Someone just twisted my name around and made fun of it so I don't tell anyone anymore lol.


Hey now. This is a safe zone. And I know that you know that my question was not if you can or can not say your middle name... let's play hangman then. How many letters?

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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

.


MasticatorOG said:


> Hey now. This is a safe zone. And I know that you know that my question was not if you can or can not say your middle name... let's play hangman then. How many letters?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


Nah. I'm chicken.


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> .
> 
> Nah. I'm chicken.


  

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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

What are your offspring's middle names? 

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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

What are you gonna eat tomorrow? 

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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

Can you swim?

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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> What are your offspring's middle names?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


They each have more than one middle name. That's all I really feel comfortable saying...I might sound a bit paranoid but I don't want to give out too much personal info about myself, or my kids. (but tbh, anyone that wanted to figure out who I am probably could anyway. I give out way too much information on this forum lol).

My ex insisted on giving them more than one middle name and she sold me on the idea. It's kind of cool. They get to pick what name they want to go by. And only one of them goes by their given first name, the others use a middle name.


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## MasticatorOG (Apr 11, 2016)

AllTheSame said:


> They each have more than one middle name. That's all I really feel comfortable saying...I might sound a bit paranoid but I don't want to give out too much personal info about myself, or my kids. (but tbh, anyone that wanted to figure out who I am probably could anyway. I give out way too much information on this forum lol).
> 
> My ex insisted on giving them more than one middle name and she sold me on the idea. It's kind of cool. They get to pick what name they want to go by. And only one of them goes by their given first name, the others use a middle name.


Oh ok. That's coolio. What's your favorite food?

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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> What are you gonna eat tomorrow?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


Hmmm...I don't know. I went off my diet  I still haven't gained any of the weight back, though  I need to get back on it. I lost 30 pounds, but I want to lose about 20 more.

I went to the grocery store and bought a frozen pizza last night so I'll probably make that. Smh. I don't know what I was thinking. "Oh that looks good! You won't gain any weight eating that! Let's by a frozen pizza that serves four people and eat it by ourselves tomorrow! You won't regret doing that!"


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

MasticatorOG said:


> Can you swim?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


Yep. I learned to swim not long after I learned to walk. I love the water, and my parents had a swimming pool in the backyard of every house we've lived in. My kids took swimming lessons when they were very young, and they're like little fishies.



MasticatorOG said:


> Oh ok. That's coolio. What's your favorite food?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk


Hamburgers and pizza. All the stuff that's not good for ya lol. I love to grill. I live in an apartment now so that's not really an option, but before my ex and I got divorced I was always, always in the backyard grilling hamburgers or hot dogs or steaks or sausage or brisket for everyone. I miss doing that. I got to be pretty good at it.

My ex has a new live in bf now. And a new grill. And from what I've heard he's not as good as me :grin2:


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## Rex87 (Jan 5, 2015)

These might be loaded questions and personal, I usually wouldn't ask this on a public forum but because your answers probably could help more than me, I ask. So first one is when did you realize you had sa? I always considered myself socially off but having true social anxiety, I didn't realize that til 27....because yeah it affected my life previously but never where I actually couldn't work and do tons other normal social events that I always did. How long were you married? And can you give any advice to someone with sa who may be getting married?


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## Cashel (Oct 29, 2013)

Who's your favorite Disney princess?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Rex87 said:


> These might be loaded questions and personal, I usually wouldn't ask this on a public forum but because your answers probably could help more than me, I ask. So first one is when did you realize you had sa? I always considered myself socially off but having true social anxiety, I didn't realize that til 27....because yeah it affected my life previously but never where I actually couldn't work and do tons other normal social events that I always did. How long were you married? And can you give any advice to someone with sa who may be getting married?


I knew there was something wrong with me, that I was different even as a little kid. I knew I was anxious but I didn't know why. For years I really, seriously believed that I was crazy because nobody is that anxious just in everyday situations....there had to be something seriously wrong with me, but I didn't know what. I saw my first psychiatrist when I was 15 years old, but it wasn't until I was in my thirties that I was diagnosed with anxiety. I remember what a huge relief it was to get diagnosed. I also think now that I don't like the labels my doctors have put on me so much. I just try to keep in mind that I have issues, and I very much need my meds and I very much need to talk to my therapist. If I start thinking I'm OK without either of those I go into a downward spiral, fast.

I was married for 18 years. She was my complete opposite....she is still one of the most outgoing, extroverted, social butterflies that I've ever known. She was very popular in hs and college, and still is among the people she works with. She's loud and somewhat of a party girl. I'm not sure what advice I'd give to someone with SA who's getting married. Communication is everything, really. Being open with your partner is everything. The moment you shut each other out I believe it's over. Maybe not over for good but that's a very wrong turn to take. My marriage ended for different reasons, but the fact that she couldn't understand my anxiety and depression was a big factor. Yeah, and there's also the fact that she fuqd around. I hired a private investigator to follow her for a few months and some of the stuff she did just blew my mind. Anyway you think after being with someone for 18 years you know them. But, nope.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Cashel said:


> Who's your favorite Disney princess?


Princess Fiona :kiss:


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

AllTheSame said:


> Princess Fiona :kiss:


What's your MBTI personality type?

https://www.16personalities.com/


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

AllTheSame said:


> Hmmm...I don't know. I went off my diet  I still haven't gained any of the weight back, though  I need to get back on it. I lost 30 pounds, but I want to lose about 20 more.
> 
> I went to the grocery store and bought a frozen pizza last night so I'll probably make that. Smh. I don't know what I was thinking. "Oh that looks good! You won't gain any weight eating that! Let's by a frozen pizza that serves four people and eat it by ourselves tomorrow! You won't regret doing that!"


Bad AllTheSame. Burn it in the oven so you burn that calorie intake quickly.

What's your diet?


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Was there ever a point in time you regretted having children? Did your relationships end all of a sudden or did things gradually change for the worse? Super personal questions.. hope that's ok. I've read some of your posts and you sound like a pretty cool, down to earth guy and a wonderful father.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

ShatteredGlass said:


> What's your MBTI personality type?
> 
> https://www.16personalities.com/


It's kind of ironic that you asked....I took the test a few days ago (on a different site) and got ISFJ. I had no idea what a personality type is (and still don't, really) but I answered honestly and that's what I got back. Reading some of the feedback on that personality type is depressing as ***, tbh. But I guess it is what it is, that's who I am lol.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Demon Soul said:


> Bad AllTheSame. Burn it in the oven so you burn that calorie intake quickly.
> 
> What's your diet?


Meh. I'm all or nothing. I'm either on my diet or I'm eating junk food lmao. Though the last few weeks, I have actually been pretty good. Which is why I think I haven't put any of the weight back on (but I'm not losing any weight, either).

My diet is 1,500 calories, absolutely no sugar, no junk food oc, and very low fat, I usually ate less than 9grams of fat per day. I tried to get in as much protein as I possibly could.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

KelsKels said:


> Was there ever a point in time you regretted having children? Did your relationships end all of a sudden or did things gradually change for the worse? Super personal questions.. hope that's ok. I've read some of your posts and you sound like a pretty cool, down to earth guy and a wonderful father.


I never, ever regretted having kids, they are my whole, entire world. I do regret having put them through some of what they've had to go through....the divorce, and I'm also sure they would have been better off sometimes if their dad was "normal" and didn't have all the disorders he has. I can't pretend that they wouldn't be, or that things wouldn't be different. But I also can't do anything about that, or...I feel like there's not much I can do at this point. What's done is done, I can't change the past. All I can do is be there for them, work on myself, and try to move forward. I have a lot of guilt about not being enough for them. It's something I talked to my oldest daughter about in family therapy not long ago. I actually apologized to her, in front of a huge group, about not always being what she needed in the past. I promised her that I'd be what she needed going forward, and I'd always be there when she needed someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. And we've had some pretty good one-on-one talks since then. She trusts me. She comes to me when she needs advice and when she's not doing well.

*sigh* When my relationships end they sort of slowly slip away. I can see it happening. It's like watching yourself slip off the edge of a cliff in slow motion. The reason I divorced my ex-wife was because I caught her ****** around. But it really started long before that. I went through a time where my anxiety and depression got much worse, it was pretty bad, and she wasn't there for me at all. Her answer for everything was "man up, just get over it, just deal with it, I don't want to hear about this b.s.". I was there for her through her battles with PMS (and they were very real, it got reeeeally bad at one point), I was there for her during her postpartum depression, and that went on for months. I was there for her when her best friend abandoned her. I was there for her when she and her mom went through a really, really nasty fight that lasted for months. And looking back, when I needed her most, she was never really there for me. I'm very, very sorry that my children are having to go through this but me and my kids are better off with us divorced. It turned into a very toxic relationship, one that my kids didn't need to be a part of.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

AllTheSame said:


> It's kind of ironic that you asked....I took the test a few days ago (on a different site) and got ISFJ. I had no idea what a personality type is (and still don't, really) but I answered honestly and that's what I got back. Reading some of the feedback on that personality type is depressing as ***, tbh. But I guess it is what it is, that's who I am lol.


I like to know the MBTI type of everybody I find to be beyond vaguely interesting. If I were to guess, I'd say that ISFJ would be accurate for you; from what I've seen you write on here, anyway. 
Sometimes the results gained on personality tests are inaccurate, and for people like me who are almost obsessed with personality psychology, it can become essential to learn about the cognitive functions and how the they manifest in each personality type. Only when I did that did I discover that I'm indeed _not _an INTP, or an INTJ, or even an INFP as I tested as, though didn't completely identify with the descriptions of, but rather an INFJ. The lettering can be confusing and the system is flawed, though an understanding of the Jung functions allows me to mitigate the issues I have with the MBTI system. It looks like I'm trying to put people in a box, and admittedly, I am to a degree, though I think it's important for people to realize that I'm still taking unique differences into account. Personality theories can only provide an idea of one's thoughts, feelings, and actions. If anything, it's an indication of the efforts I will go to in order to procure an a general understanding of human behaviour that I deem adequate for having the knowledge to change my behaviour according to the personality types with which I am associating with at a given moment.

Not really related, but I gathered from a post that you made against me last year (on your old account) that you had a somewhat negative opinion of me. If you're in need of a refresher, you quoted a post of mine where I was talking about my enjoyment of the experience of witnessing a girl at my school cry about being continually failed on an important test, saying that such enjoyment would be typical of a person like me, or something along those lines. I can't really remember. I'm not worried or anything, I'm just curious. Me being my typical egocentric self, I suppose.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

@*ShatteredGlass* I agree, it's really interesting to me also. It's kind of hard for me to believe I just now took the test for the first time. You'd think with my history of mental disorders and having spent most of my life seeing a psychiatrist, a therapist or both, sometimes more than one of each, and also given the fact that my mom is a psychologist (though the woman is, in fact, seriously crazy), you'd think I'd have taken it years ago, but nope. I've seen threads here and on the other sites I'm on but tbh I think I was afraid of the results I'd get, I was too chicken to take the test. There does seem to be a lot of truth in my results. I'm at times painfully shy, very, very introverted of course, and very quiet and somewhat untrusting and skeptical of people's motives at times, sometimes without reason but once I warm up to someone, once I get close and that trust is there I tend to trust all the way. To my own detriment sometimes...history has proven that, ffs, my ex-wife has proven that over and over again ad nauseam. I did some digging on the internetz about my results and it's definitely me, it's so "me" it's actually scary. I tend to place a very, very high value on relationships, more so than some people for sure. I have an overwhelming desire to please in a relationship, to go out of my way in every way possible to make her value the relationship herself, to make her happy. And that's not always an attribute you want to have in a relationship. That's a really good way to end up getting used, imo, if you're not careful. I think there has to be a balance there. Nobody wants to be a people-pleaser or an *** kisser, and I don't think that's how any of my exes would describe me. I keep things real, lol. But I also tend to overthink things, I have this never ending desire to make her happy, to make her value the relationship, and I can't ever seem to turn that off. The same goes with friends irl, or on this site. Part of that stems from being a Borderline, no doubt. The whole fear of abandonment. Ffs I could fill up my therapists appointment book for years, just talking about that one issue. And I have.

INFJs are interesting (in a good way) because from what I've read they only make up 1% of the population. There are a whole lot of positive attributes associated with them and they're pretty complex lol (as is every type, if you think about it).

I don't have a negative opinion of you at all. Tbh, I feel like I don't know you well enough to have a negative opinion. I vaguely remember the post you referred to. If I offended you in any way, I really am sorry. Seriously. I don't have any intention of rubbing anyone the wrong way or offending....that's not why I'm on this site. I'm not suggesting you think that, I'm just putting it out there, for what it's worth. I have enough stress and unwanted drama in my life as it is, I'm not interested at all in creating more. I think with all the topics that get thrown around on this site, and considering the issues we're all dealing with, people are going to get offended, users here are going to get their feelings hurt, their toes stepped on, no doubt It's just going to happen on a site like this I guess. But it's really not my intention to be negative, or to offend anyone. Having said that, I'm also not going to be anyone's doormat. That's not directed at you, at all, but I have had to make some decisions in the past about whether a friendship was really worth pursuing, especially when taking into consideration the differences we had in how we defined "friendship", what that meant, how much (or little) they valued the friendship to begin with. And unfortunately in a couple of cases I've decided it just wasn't going to work. I'm going to wrap this up because I really didn't intend for this to turn into a book lmoa. But I also think there's sort of an epidemic going around that seems to just get worse and worse, of people that have this "righteous indignation". (again, not directed at you, I don't think about you that way at all, I'm just throwing it out there). It seems like it's very trendy lately to find a reason to get totally butt hurt, to be so offended and so "done wrong". I can imagine some people's world and there's an Alanise Morrissette song always playing in the background, that's the soundtrack for their life. Omg. I just want to scream sometimes, get over yourself! Ffs! If you get your feelings hurt that easily then life is gonna really nail you to the wall, you're in for a very rough ride. I'm obviously not gonna call anyone out, I'm just making a statement. Again, not directed at you, or at anyone on this site :grin2: It just gets really, really old.

I don't have any regrets for being on this site, except for the incredible amount of time I seem to spend here, that I could be doing more productive things with. I've made one lifelong friend here...we don't always talk, not every day or anything because she has a life that keeps her very busy (and a bf now, too) and I'm just busy too, but she knows things about me that I've never told anyone before, not even my ex-wife. I trust her all the way, and she's an awesome friend, she's an inspiration. I have a couple of "friendships" that also didn't work out. But I have no regrets.


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## The Condition of Keegan (Feb 1, 2016)

What do u think he's thinking about?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Halfhardtim3s said:


> What do u think he's thinking about?


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

Do you think they are going to make a clerks 3 and do you watch comic book men?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Mehhhh...Idk, maybe. Kevin Smith has talked about it before but Idk, and to be honest I haven't kept up with it or anything, because I kind of doubt they will at this point...it's been a while since the original was released...years...and while I think there is most definitely still an audience there for that film...you know, they're in their 30's now, ffs, the first one was released in 1994, when I was 24 years old and I'm old as *** now. It's a cult classic and I'm not saying younger people don't know the film...they most definitely do, but it's just been a long time. The audience might have changed a bit, and they also have to worry about whether or not they can make money on a third one. Third sequals are...tough, they usually don't go over very well, and yeah, this is like I said a classic but still.


I've never watched comic book men.


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## theDiff (Jun 29, 2016)

What action or actions have you been unwilling to take to overcome SA?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

theDiff said:


> What action or actions have you been unwilling to take to overcome SA?


Cognitive behavior therapy. Actually, I've tried it, and it didn't work for me, at all.

There aren't many therapies that I haven't tried, tbh. My mom has a masters degree in psychology, but that never helped me growing up (she was very abusive). I have tried hypnotherapy. I have been through psychodrama (hours and hours of it). And hours and hours of every different kind of group therapy you can probably think of. I had a psychiatrist years ago that had me go into a quiet, dark room and listen to..."positive reinforecement" messages, through headphones...I'm drawing a blank, I can't remember what that therapy was called but it didn't do much for me, other than relax me during the sessions. I've been through regression therapy, and I would really encourage anyone that's thinking about that to think twice. Some things are better left buried in your psyche, buried in the past, imo. I'm completely open to new ideas about therapy for me, from my therapist, from whomever. But my therapist keeps regurgitating CBT and I won't waste my time with that again.


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## The Condition of Keegan (Feb 1, 2016)

Can the letter P be turned into a H?

What do you think life would be like after us? 

If humans were able to teleport, where would be the first place you teleport?

If you were given an assignment to math problems in thirty minutes, do you think you could do it?

If pigs can fly, cows jump over the moon, what does the horse do?

How long do you think you would survive in the dinosaur era?


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Halfhardtim3s said:


> Can the letter P be turned into a H?


Yep type "P" hit backspace then hit "H".:grin2:



Halfhardtim3s said:


> What do you think life would be like after us?


Idk, that's a pretty broad question that could have a billion different answers. I think people will make huge advancements in medicine, in fighting disease and it will not be unusual at all for people to live into their hundreds. I think huge advancements will be made wrt psychiatric meds. It's incredible to think about what's happened just in the last 35 years since I started taking them.



Halfhardtim3s said:


> If humans were able to teleport, where would be the first place you teleport?


To my kids. My kids are my whole world. My ex-wife most definitely does not have their best interests in mind, she is a huge narcissist, she's selfish, and she has very serious problems even acting like a mom, much less being one. So I'd want to be there with them, to help show them the way. To be their dad, they need one.



Halfhardtim3s said:


> If you were given an assignment to math problems in thirty minutes, do you think you could do it?


I'm pretty good at math. Not sure which problems you're talking about but when you get into the really big questions, proving the really tough theories and all that....no, *** that, I'm no math genius lol. But it was always my favorite subject. I very rarely had to study much, I just got it, it clicked with me. I aced a few standardized tests in hs. Other subjects, like English Lit or Chemistry, I just really struggled with.



Halfhardtim3s said:


> If pigs can fly, cows jump over the moon, what does the horse do?


Horses go to the racetrack and bet on their friends, other horses.



Halfhardtim3s said:


> How long do you think you would survive in the dinosaur era?


I'd find a cave somewhere, I'd surround myself with rock walls and then I'd use my stealthy ninja skills to go out when they were least active and hunt and gather firewood and water, and whatever I could use to protect myself, I'd gather flint, or small rocks, grind them down to arrow tips, gather bamboo or whatever else I could find to make spears.

Then I'd grill dinosaur burgers.


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