# Just some controversial thoughts



## caseybug (Nov 1, 2004)

hmmm not sure this is the right forum for what I want to say but I dont think it fits anywhere else either.

I was talking to sabbath the other night and we were discussing 'cures' for social anxiety. He asked me to consider buying a book on ACT therapy which some of u may of heard of.

I disagreed saying that for me, what has worked best is getting away from all the meds, all the doctors and all the so called cures and just accepting that social anxiety is not a problem, its a part of who i am and perhaps i dont want to get rid of it.

then last week in a lecture at uni another thought came to me which is 'A person has a disorder but a person does not necessarily suffer from a disorder'. i can think of many times in my life where social anxiety has caused me nothing but happiness, other times i can recall it actually helping me. and further more i am convinced that social anxiety has turned me into the thoughtful compassionate person i am.

i guess we all focus so much on the negatives of sa and doctors tell us that its 'a problem' thats its 'not normal' and we expect we have to change. but i believe everything has a purpose and i also believe that god will never give me anything i cant handle. life is meant to be a challenge, i want to embrace it, not hide from it or try to eliminate those challenges by finding a cure.

SA is me, i am sa.


----------



## Pongle (Aug 31, 2004)

I can understand that someone wouldn't mind having SA. When you've had it long enough you get used to it in a way and begin to accept it as a part of who you are. 

In many ways SA can be compared to a drug addiction. When you've been doing it for as long as you can remember and it makes you feel good, you don't want to stop. It's natural. Nobody wants to walk around being afraid all the time, so instead we seclude ourselves from reality thus getting our 'fix'.

If your SA doesn't get in the way of what you want to acheive in life, then I reckon there's no need to fight back. However, for me, this is not an option. I want to experience the world and take an active part in my own life and not just stand idle whilst it passes me by.


----------



## JohnnyEnnui (Jul 10, 2005)

...


----------



## Goran (Dec 9, 2003)

I find it very difficult to draw the line between what i am and what SA is. I often had discussions with my family, who would object that I am trying to side with SA (protect it), by not taking immediate action against it. I don't know exactly why, but sometimes i feel compassion for SA, becase it IS so fused with me; that those "cold" propositions by others feel like trying to rip my heart out. 

I think there's a lot to discuss here. It's difficult to say just how much damage you open yourself to by allowing others to get involved in your battle. But it's also difficualt to say how much damage you do by thinking this is only your battle.

Hm, i've been told here before of being a contraversial try-hard, so i'll stop right now.


----------



## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

Technically, I do not want to have SA, but I cannot do anything to make it go away. So i mine as well except it because as long as I keep fighting it, I will not like myself. I go from hating myself to liking myself....
I do however like some of the things that i have come to learn in my life because of SA. We also have a deeper appreciation for small things in life and see the many detail of it because of our sensitivity. 
I think it's important to see the deeper things.


----------



## Where the river goes (Aug 4, 2005)

SA saved me from making some really stupid mistakes...then again many of those situations could have been avoided if I didn't have SA. 

SA has made me a compassionate person...perhaps to a fault.

Let see...

NO SA: I'd have a job, I would have been done with college by now, I would have my drivers license and I feel like I would be much happer feeling like I am doing something with my life.

WITH SA: None of the above. Add depression and almost no self-esteem. BUT I have learned more about my inner strengths and more about what I really want in my life than I would have learned if I didn't have to live with the hell that is SA.

It's a double edged sword if you ask me.


----------



## rb27 (Jul 17, 2005)

I've been coming to the slow realization that I'm always going to have SA, even if it's just a little. Even if it's ten years from now and I have a family I gotta believe that there'll be sometime when it pops up. That's not to say I want to live with, I want to get better. I just think instead of imagining a succesful life without SAD, I should start imagining one with it. I'm not going to wake up one day and be magically cured--the only way I'm going to get better is if I learn to cope with it.


----------



## Fawn (Apr 28, 2005)

I won't accept it. I won't accept the life I'm living. To be terrified to go out and do simple things is not a life at all. I want to beat this and I will.


----------



## Vizion24 (Aug 12, 2005)

I'm glad that your happy. That being said, I have no idea what your talking about. To not want to cure yourself from something that is tearing you apart (which i think it does to those who have SA), I don't know how to answer that. Having SA has NEVER helped me in any way shape or form. There are a number of good things in my life i would give up in order to get rid of this anxiety. Anxiety, by its nature, causes unsettling feelings and an overall unplessent state of mind. But maybe thats how you and I differ, by being religious (which im guessing you are) i suppose you don't look at the natural side, just look at things as the way 'god made them'. 

I'm happy that your happy with your situation, but i refuse to believe that god gave me anxiety for eternity and that i should not try to cure it. Life is about being happy and spending it with the ones you love. I believe if you accept SA and don't try to kick it, your settling with being unhappy. 

just my opinion


----------



## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I'd rather accept it, and try to integrate it, instead of saying that everything's wrong with me, I'm flawed, I'm diseased, I have to be cured. Because frankly, I know what causes my SA now. More than I ever did before. What caused it in me initially was the fact that no one ever accepted I was an introvert. Expectations were placed upon me. Harrassment took place. And criticisms were tossed about on a regular basis. All of that took whatever self-esteem I had as a child and tore it to shreds and reduced it to nothing. That's why I developed SA. And for me, if I say, "Oh, I need to be cured," then I'm giving into a majority and saying they were right about me. And then I'll become a fake, just like all of the "healthy" people. Because so many people want to pretend their lives are okay, but they aren't. 

God forbid you show weakness in this society. To hell with it, I'll stay an introvert and like it. I actually prefer spending time with my thoughts. They're more original, more intelligent than the vast majority of people I'll encounter, and at least THEY know when to be quiet (unlike people).


----------



## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Personally, I am not happy with SA. 

There is just too much I want to do and experience in life... and having this state of mind and fearing the smallest things has held me back... dredged up a lot of misery and hopelessness. Yes, life is a battle--but if that means accepting SA as who I am, accepting I'll forever be unhappy because that's just who I am--I may as well be on the loosing side of the fight. 

Being a compasionate individual is something I've always been even without having SA... but I can see how having it will make someone more receptacle to that quality.


----------



## caseybug (Nov 1, 2004)

Vizion24 wrote 'I believe if you accept SA and don't try to kick it, your settling with being unhappy.'


I guess i never looked at it in this way before but your exactly right. I am settling with being unhappy and i guess thats because thats what ive done my whole life, i dont know any different. id rather be unhappy and help others around me then ever look at something for myself.


----------



## countrybumpkin (Dec 31, 2004)

I might agree with the fact that experiences with SA can make you a better person if you let them as far as being more patient , compassionate and less judgemental , but I feel like I've lost a big part of my life to it , so I can't give in to the notion of being happy with it or anything like that. I do realize that I'll probably have it for the rest of my life to one degree or another , and I suppose I can cope with that idea , but I still hope to at least master it to the point that I might be able to have a meaningful relationship with a woman.


----------



## Guest (Aug 23, 2005)

i have to disagree entirely, and fully, even though you titled your post controversial

SA, is not who i am. I know this because i've been actively social my entire life, and it was only 2 years ago, when i was 14 that i started to not be able to talk to people i was REALLY FAMILIAR with 
i used to be the most uninhibited person... but stressful circumstances have caused my body language and thought processes to change when in social situations

i think its a really futile thing to think this way; i mean you as yourself might be able to accept it, because perhaps it doesnt bother you
but to others its crippling... oppurtunities pop up and because of the anxiety they don't take it... the anxiety makes the decisions for you, instead of you making the decisions as an individual

i also think its strange that you would post something so awful here, as it is so easy to give up hope ... this is a social anxiety support forum... not a social anxiety acceptance forum

:con

also, excuse me if im coming off harsh or whatever. it just upsets me a lot


----------



## RedBlueFish (Nov 11, 2003)

I don't like having SA either and am still working on accepting it. I want to be able to accept it as part of who I am. I do have friends that know I have it and that I take medication for it, and they are still my friends. I'm told that I come across as shy and a bit nervous when I first meet them, but once they get to know me I seem pretty normal. I feel fortunate to have the friends I have because they accept me as who I am with SA, and when I'm feeling nervous or scared about something they always try to be encouraging and supportive of me even when something goes well. Often times I will talk to them about things that I'm afraid to do or worried about, and they will listen to me and give me suggestions on how to deal with that situation. I know they are my real friends because they try to help me when I need it, they listen to me, and they don't think I'm a total freak if I screw something up. And if I screw something up they try to help me feel better. That's what helps me not COMPLETELY hate myself for having SA. I still beat myself up about it and I still hate it, but I have a few good friends who make it a little more tolerable.


----------



## caseybug (Nov 1, 2004)

sleepswithbutterflies

this is a support site for social anxiety, agreed and i believe people find support in many different ways.

i noticed that you have only just joint SAS, therefore you may not be aware of all the different opinions, strategies and mechanisms that people are interested in to overcome their anxiety.

you also wrote that you have only had SA for a short period, where i have had sa my whole life. so for u SA is something that is a problem that u feel you need to get rid of. where i feel SA is part of me and something i need to accept.

thanks for ur opinions but i need to say that i have every right to post my opinions here (as long as they follow moderator guidelines). this support site is for everyone, not just people who fit into a particular mould.

just something for u to think about anyway.


----------

