# That terrible moment when your boyfriend breaks up with you and you're not...



## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

...expecting it at all.

Things were going awesome. We had plans this weekend, a lot of plans. Then suddenly he texts me saying he doesn't know what he wants out of our relationship and I ask him if he even wants to be my boyfriend, he says no.

He was my first everything and I thought we were going to be together for a long time. Although considering our past history, I was a fool to think that.

Now I'm trying my hardest to forget he ever existed. How do you erase someone from your memory? I am in dire need of assistance here.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Honestly, it just takes time and keeping yourself occupied with other things, be it school or hobbies or hanging out with friends yadda yadda. It will be difficult for awhile for sure but it's not the end of the world and there will be endless opportunities in the future. Chin up, go enjoy the single life for awhile and concentrate on your studies.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Did he give you a specific reason? Do you think it's related to social anxiety? I ask because I have been dumped out of the blue too. I thought everything was going just fine but you can never tell what the other person is thinking.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Social anxiety might be only a very small part of it, I'm never comfortable around his friends and I can't talk in groups. Also I prefer to be with him in isolated areas without people and he thinks it's weird. 

But I think the main part is that he just doesn't love me and he never will, and I should have foreseen that the first time he broke up with me. But nope, I got back together with him and had sex with him multiple times to make him love me. That totally worked. Not.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

It's gotta be social anxiety related. From what I can tell combining social networks and such is a huge part of dating. If you only have a few friends or have don't go out that much it looks bad in the eyes of their friends. Then they will convince him/her that you are too needy or asocial and that it is a bad fit. I think that's why finding someone on the same introvert-extrovert spectrum as you is important. If they have tons of friends and you have none they will be ashamed of you secretly I think.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

the cheat said:


> Guess what? You'll love again, and be loved. And it might end badly, too. But the point is, this guy isn't as special as you might currently think so. How he made you feel, the good parts, you'll experience that with someone else, in time. I promise.
> 
> Life can really suck sometimes.


The thing is, I'm honestly not sure if I can experience it with someone else. He was my first boyfriend and I felt the sparks instantly, I'd never felt them with anyone else before. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel that way again or if any guy will ever want me again.

I'm so ****ed up o_o


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> It's gotta be social anxiety related. From what I can tell combining social networks and such is a huge part of dating. If you only have a few friends or have don't go out that much it looks bad in the eyes of their friends. Then they will convince him/her that you are too needy or asocial and that it is a bad fit. I think that's why finding someone on the same introvert-extrovert spectrum as you is important. If they have tons of friends and you have none they will be ashamed of you secretly I think.


That may be a part of it. Most of his friends think I'm a creeper because I never talk around them.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

It's an extroverted world and we are just living in it.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

elvin jones said:


> It's an extroverted world and we are just living in it.


Pretty much. I wish I was fine with being alone but it's always eaten away at me. My lack of friends as a support system makes this even harder, he was basically my best friend. Blah.


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## bornunderprotest (Oct 8, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> ...expecting it at all.
> 
> Things were going awesome. We had plans this weekend, a lot of plans. Then suddenly he texts me saying he doesn't know what he wants out of our relationship and I ask him if he even wants to be my boyfriend, he says no.
> 
> ...


as a guy, i think it's important to realize[for gals too],that it should not be important who breaks up with whom. to get beyond the silly game of who quit whom,first. so much nonsense comes out of that. hopefully,we learn that moving on and growing as people, is what's important.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

It probably feels like having a cigarette addiction and then all of a sudden you're being restricted from smoking. It sounds like you're more in love with the idea of being in a long, steady relationship in which you're constantly being loved and supported than the actual partner in it, which is why you're so worried about the future. Like with any addiction, you need to focus your attention elsewhere. Try some mindfulness meditation to take you away from your thoughts. Your life, this world does not end just because the relationship ended.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I'm sorry sorrwel.  Out of sight, out of mind works for me. I know you will hate to hear this but it takes a little time.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> It probably feels like having a cigarette addiction and then all of a sudden you're being restricted from smoking.


That's actually really accurate, it's exactly how I'm feeling. I'm seeing him one last time tonight for "casual sex" so I can feel like I'm still with him, and I always promise myself that I'm not going to stoop so low and then end up doing it. xD


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## kj87 (Sep 30, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Although considering our past history, I was a fool to think that.
> 
> Now I'm trying my hardest to forget he ever existed. How do you erase someone from your memory?


Unless you get Amnesia, you don't. He's going to be in your memory for a while, and you just have to try to come to terms with that. The healing process takes time. There's no quick fix for this one. It can take a couple weeks, or a couple months to move on, and it's a harsh reality when it hurts as bad as it does. It does get better though. Slowly, each day, each week will be a little better. You'll go from thinking about him all the time, to thinking about him sometimes, to occasionally, and the pain will dull away. The timeframe is different for everyone but it will come 

It sounds like in hindsight you can see some things not working or some potential red flags. Remember them... You don't want to forget him. You want to use this experience to your advantage when you get to the point when you're ready to start dating again, because it will help you be a stronger and more prepared person 

Try to surround yourself with family and friends. They can help the healing process too. I'm sorry things didn't work out. :hug


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## olschool (Sep 3, 2011)

sorrwel said:


> That's actually really accurate, it's exactly how I'm feeling. I'm seeing him one last time tonight for "casual sex" so I can feel like I'm still with him, and I always promise myself that I'm not going to stoop so low and then end up doing it. xD


 It is quite funny how causally u put that statement, but do you really think thats the best thing to do?


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> That's actually really accurate, it's exactly how I'm feeling. I'm seeing him one last time tonight for "casual sex" so I can feel like I'm still with him, and I always promise myself that I'm not going to stoop so low and then end up doing it. xD


Tell him you don't want to do it, and that way you'll have the last upper hand before you break up.

Don't give in, sex one last time isn't going to bring him back! If you do, the terrorists win.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Canucklehead said:


> Tell him you don't want to do it, that way you'll have the last upper hand before you break up.
> 
> Don't give in!


Agreed. And then have sex with his best friend.


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## olschool (Sep 3, 2011)

rymo said:


> Agreed. And then have sex with his best friend.


she dosnet sound like that kind of girl


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## Laith (Mar 20, 2009)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...eave-him-since-hes-already-planned-on-208152/

lol

grow up


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## olschool (Sep 3, 2011)

Laith said:


> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...eave-him-since-hes-already-planned-on-208152/
> 
> lol
> 
> grow up


 You know what?, 
Why dont you grow up!!!!


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## Laith (Mar 20, 2009)

=D


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Laith said:


> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...eave-him-since-hes-already-planned-on-208152/
> 
> lol
> 
> grow up


Sorry I started a thread about it a month or so ago, jeez. I'll try not to burden you all with my problems next time


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## Jimmi Barrett (Oct 13, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> That's actually really accurate, it's exactly how I'm feeling. I'm seeing him one last time tonight for "casual sex" so I can feel like I'm still with him, and I always promise myself that I'm not going to stoop so low and then end up doing it. xD


Limerence.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

sorrwel said:


> The thing is, I'm honestly not sure if I can experience it with someone else. He was my first boyfriend and I felt the sparks instantly, I'd never felt them with anyone else before. I'm not sure if I'll ever feel that way again or if any guy will ever want me again.
> 
> I'm so ****ed up o_o


These feelings are normal, so don't be afraid of feeling this way. Give yourself some time to heal...and if you're serious about moving on, then you'll stop screwing your ex. That is a surefire way to keep the wound open. Sorry to hear, and good luck!


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Laith said:


> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...eave-him-since-hes-already-planned-on-208152/
> 
> lol
> 
> grow up


Something tells me you and her ex would get along just fine.


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## Spacefaring1 (Sep 18, 2012)

Okay, I didn't bother to read all those unhelpful comments, but here's my opinion to help you out: It probably has nothing to do with social anxiety. My reasoning? He wouldn't be with you in the first place if that was the case. He most likely has been thinking about it for a long time before doing it, and it could be any number of things. The same thing happened with my ex and I, and after a month of grieving, I found out from one of her ex best friends, who is dating my brother, that for the last year and a half of our relationship, she had lost interest in me and was using me for money, rides and comfort. That made me lose all respect for her and I got over it pretty quickly. Think about it this way; maybe he was doing things behind your back too. Also, if you constantly think of all the things you hated about him, you'll get over him really quick


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

the cheat said:


> And it might end badly, too. But the point is, *this guy isn't as special as you might currently think so. How he made you feel, the good parts, you'll experience that with someone else*, in time. I promise.


This makes me wonder how *anyone* can truly be special. I mean, if you can always just go out and find the same passionate and loving experience with someone else, then no lover is particularly unique or special.


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## Spacefaring1 (Sep 18, 2012)

PathologicalSigher said:


> This makes me wonder how *anyone* can truly be special. I mean, if you can always just go out and find the same passionate and loving experience with someone else, then no lover is particularly unique or special.


Because everyone is different; everyone has different personalities and different idiosyncrasies, different passions and different lifestyles. There are different aspects of people you'd like over others. Therefore every relationship will be unique, aside from the feeling of love and affection.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Thanks to everyone who replied. I am trying to see it rationally instead of emotionally at this point, I apologize if this thread irritated anybody. I was extremely upset.


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## Spacefaring1 (Sep 18, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Thanks to everyone who replied. I am trying to see it rationally instead of emotionally at this point, *I apologize if this thread irritated anybody*. I was extremely upset.


Don't apologize. If anyone was irritated by it, they should just leave or not even open the thread. If you need help, ask away.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I was in the same boat not too long ago. 1 weekend we were together baking cakes, she was telling me how much she loved me and how she never wants anyone else. But then the following weekend (after a week of distant texting as we both had busy weeks) I was dumped via txt the day we were due to meet.... Also was out of the blue.... seemingly.

Some people may say the other person had been thinking about ending it for many months.... but not always true. I put it down with my x that the distance was getting too much, she wasnt ready to settle down and she wanted to catch up with what she missed out on before she met me (she was a virgin before meeting me).... and what made her realise was the week we were so busy we were barely even in contact.

Moving on is tough too, because they usually try and remove every part of you from their life as quickly as possible. Like an "out of sight, out of mind" situation. 

Sleeping with him again is bad because he could be just using you until someone he likes comes along and then stop all the casual sex for them.



PathologicalSigher is right. Yea everyone is different. Whilst you could meet others who are the same sort of fun and make you happy in other ways, theres also a lot of idiots about with things you will hate about them.

I think of that and I find it hard to see the point of trying for a relationship in the future. Its harder in breakups like this that end all of a sudden because often the dumpee has done nothing wrong, and even if they treated the dumper better than anyone else could... They may not be ready to settle down and may leave. 

It leaves the feeling that things were perfect, no closure,


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## Cam1 (Dec 4, 2011)

By text? was he 12?


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## rubia (Oct 26, 2012)

well i got dumped today so i know how u feel if u need someone to talk to im here = )


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## Laith (Mar 20, 2009)

sorrwel said:


> Sorry I started a thread about it a month or so ago, jeez. I'll try not to burden you all with my problems next time


Its not a burden. You asked for advice and I gave some. Excellent advice I might add. I don't do the sugar-coated BS some people are feeding you in hopes to appease you.

You've had this problem before, yet you stayed with him. He broke up with you before and you responded by having sex with him. then you say he's planning on leaving you again. Then he does leave you, and you're first response is to hang out with him again for "casual sex".

Sure he's a prick, but you're immature. So if you ever want a normal, healthy relationship please follow these steps: 1) Quit being dumb, 2) stop dating douche bags, and 3) grow the hell up. 

You'll either have an epiphany now, or figure this out yourself in your mid 20's after a dozen other trainwreck relationships.

Best of luck.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

It wasn't out of the blue, i'm guessing it was the guy from the other post. You knew what he was like. I dated a guy for 7 weeks once who appeared to be infatuated with me. His feelings went for me rapidly now that was surprising. The quality of people i have dated has evolved since him and now i think omg i cant believe i gave him the time of day. I didn't know any better i was close to your age.

Don't sleep with him he will respect you less.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Laith said:


> Its not a burden. You asked for advice and I gave some. Excellent advice I might add. I don't do the sugar-coated BS some people are feeding you in hopes to appease you.
> 
> You've had this problem before, yet you stayed with him. He broke up with you before and you responded by having sex with him. then you say he's planning on leaving you again. Then he does leave you, and you're first response is to hang out with him again for "casual sex".
> 
> ...


What a boss. I applaud you, blunt yet sound advice.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Laith said:


> Its not a burden. You asked for advice and I gave some. Excellent advice I might add. I don't do the sugar-coated BS some people are feeding you in hopes to appease you.
> 
> You've had this problem before, yet you stayed with him. He broke up with you before and you responded by having sex with him. then you say he's planning on leaving you again. Then he does leave you, and you're first response is to hang out with him again for "casual sex".
> 
> ...


^Very blunt and rudely put, but it is true.

Krista you need to understand that your deserving of so much better. From what I've gathered since I have been talking to you, I think your a great person and you deserve someone who isn't going to use you like your just a piece of meat. It actually hurt me to know that you were letting him use you like that.
I know it's really hard to let go when you love someone, but once your able to do it you'll be like "WTF was I thinking?!?!"

Your pain will heal with time and you will eventually find someone that will treat you right.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Sometimes I think there are more douchebags than non-douchebags and the non-douchebags get taken really quickly. While the douchebags get taken and spit out repeatedly, so there are many of those on the market.


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Sometimes I think there are more douchebags than non-douchebags and the non-douchebags get taken really quickly. While the douchebags get taken and spit out repeatedly, so there are many of those on the market.


Can I ask which one are you ? :clap


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## Scorpio90 (Oct 17, 2012)

He even never said he loved me, and he still missed his gf... I don't know what I did wrong that I had to suffer from such a pain. Just cried all those days in a small corner with the darkness outside and inside... What a nightmare and now I even daren't fall in love again cuz I'm so scared of break - up.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

bigblue38 said:


> Can I ask which one are you ? :clap


Hey. That's not nice. I've always been an angel to all my boyfriends.


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## evginmubutu (Sep 12, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Sometimes I think there are more douchebags than non-douchebags and the non-douchebags get taken really quickly. While the douchebags get taken and spit out repeatedly, so there are many of those on the market.


sometimes there are non-douchebags who feel more comfortable talking on internet forums than with real people so they end up alone at 3:15am and not taken. but then maybe that makes them douchebags in the first place.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Welcome to the human life.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> Don't sleep with him he will respect you less.


More importantly sleeping with him will be detrimental to her own self-respect.

Considering it would be their last meeting his respect for her becomes redundant and has no impact on the rest of her life.

In regards to moving on, the majority of people here are right. It will take time, and focusing on your hobbies and friends and people who are actually worthwhile will help you spring back. Also, don't be afraid of setbacks and rough days.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

komorikun said:


> Hey. That's not nice. I've always been an angel to all my boyfriends.


We're all douche-bags sometimes. Recognizing that is important in gaining some humility and ensuring you are always learning and becoming a better person along the way.


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## Lonelygirl1986 (Sep 4, 2012)

Scorpio90 said:


> He even never said he loved me, and he still missed his gf... I don't know what I did wrong that I had to suffer from such a pain. Just cried all those days in a small corner with the darkness outside and inside... What a nightmare and now I even daren't fall in love again cuz I'm so scared of break - up.


I know how you feel I sometimes wonder what have I done in life to get so much pain.


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## Scorpio90 (Oct 17, 2012)

Lonelygirl1986 said:


> I know how you feel I sometimes wonder what have I done in life to get so much pain.


The only thing we did wrong is loving an unworthy guy so truly, madly and deeply


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Laith said:


> Its not a burden. You asked for advice and I gave some. Excellent advice I might add. I don't do the sugar-coated BS some people are feeding you in hopes to appease you.
> 
> You've had this problem before, yet you stayed with him. He broke up with you before and you responded by having sex with him. then you say he's planning on leaving you again. Then he does leave you, and you're first response is to hang out with him again for "casual sex".
> 
> ...


I will take it under advisement, jeez.

I won't make any excuses for myself because that would be stupid, I know what I did wasn't smart or mature at all, it was irrational and emotionally fueled. I'm trying to make improvements with myself.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Pretty much. I wish I was fine with being alone but it's always eaten away at me.* My lack of friends as a support system makes this even harder, he was basically my best friend. Blah.*


I'm currently in a similar situation and it sucks. We agreed on the breakup, but stayed close friends for 2 years - until he met a new girlfriend(I obviously can't hang out with him anymore now). Sorry to hear what happend to you. Don't give him sex after he said that he doesn't want to be with you. Keep your head held up high and eat lots of candy and ****.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

ThatOneQuietGuy said:


> ^Very blunt and rudely put, but it is true.
> 
> Krista you need to understand that your deserving of so much better. From what I've gathered since I have been talking to you, I think your a great person and you deserve someone who isn't going to use you like your just a piece of meat. It actually hurt me to know that you were letting him use you like that.
> I know it's really hard to let go when you love someone, but once your able to do it you'll be like "WTF was I thinking?!?!"
> ...


Thank you Brandon.  I know. I've been resorting to sex far too much to help me get back control of situations, which really doesn't seem to work the way I thought it did. I definitely need to take a step back here.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Thank you Brandon.  I know. I've been resorting to sex far too much to help me get back control of situations, which really doesn't seem to work the way I thought it did. I definitely need to take a step back here.


So did you guys have casual sex again? Or did you do the right thing and keep the upper hand by telling him no.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> So did you guys have casual sex again? Or did you do the right thing and keep the upper hand by telling him no.


Yes, I did have casual sex with him the night before last.

Like I said, I'm working on it...


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Yes, I did have casual sex with him the night before last.
> 
> Like I said, I'm working on it...


Are you feeling better or worse for it?

Or are you feeling equally just as hurt as before?


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Canucklehead said:


> Are you feeling better or worse for it?
> 
> Or are you feeling equally just as hurt as before?


It honestly just made me feel more confused because he acted so loving during it.
So yes, I suppose it made me feel worse.


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

I haven't read every post in here so someone has probably said it but, feeling hurt and going a little crazy is all part of the healing process. Take solace in the fact everyone has felt the same crap and all came back saying they're better off, its just another experience in life you have to go through to evolve and get stronger and unfortunately, will probably have to go through again just better prepared.

Use all the negative energy, maybe not now while the wound is still fresh but once you have the energy hit the gym and destroy it  The best revenge is bettering yourself.



probably offline said:


> Keep your head held up high and eat lots of candy and ****.


**** yeah. Icecream, licorice, chips, fastfood.. just get it out of your system but only for a short period, dont become that girl who gets diabetes after a breakup.


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## mysterioussoul (Jul 17, 2010)

I'm sorry OP about your situation especially since things seemed to be fine and you didn't expect it.

*


elvin jones said:



It's gotta be social anxiety related. From what I can tell combining social networks and such is a huge part of dating. If you only have a few friends or have don't go out that much it looks bad in the eyes of their friends. Then they will convince him/her that you are too needy or asocial and that it is a bad fit. I think that's why finding someone on the same introvert-extrovert spectrum as you is important. If they have tons of friends and you have none they will be ashamed of you secretly I think.

Click to expand...

*Hmm .. I do agree with Elvin but that's not always the case, there are exception. My friend didn't have a lot of friends and her relationship with her bf was great. He passed away but she's now friends with his friends and they're close. I guess she's not that awkward and made an effort to socialise with them and also they bonded after his death.


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## bornunderprotest (Oct 8, 2012)

rubia said:


> well i got dumped today so i know how u feel if u need someone to talk to im here = )


 language is powerful, why do you need to say you were dumped. i assume you're not garbage. additionally, the other person has as much right as anyone else, including yourself,to fall out of love, or lust, or whatever. lets not be such romantic masochists. it's really just another form of self-absorbtion. "oh woe is me, how could they drop[dump], the wonder that is me". non of us are that important. keep some perspective,about it all. it's not dire,no matter how much it may hurt.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

you cant erase, you can only replace


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Noo don't bump this thread x___x.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

mysterioussoul said:


> Hmm .. I do agree with Elvin but that's not always the case, there are exception. My friend didn't have a lot of friends and her relationship with her bf was great. He passed away but she's now friends with his friends and they're close. I guess she's not that awkward and made an effort to socialise with them and also they bonded after his death.


I think that was an unique case due to her personality and his unfortunate death.


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