# I can't go back to school



## Dermatillomanias

Hi. I'm new to this site so I'm not really sure how it works. Anyways, I am a senior in high school and so far I have missed a lot of school days. Last week I didn't go to school for two days and have a cut a class for more than a week now. Yesterday, I skipped school because I fell off my bike while riding to a early morning class. When I got up from the fall, I felt like fainting and I started to panic so I went home to heal the wounds. It wasn't that bad of a fall, I had worse, its just that I was so nervous and anxious that I couldn't handle going to school. I could of went to school but I was nervous of how the teacher would react because I screwed up in her class (arrived late, skipped due to having a fever, and just oversleeping). So I stayed home, cried a lot in front of my mom, vented about how I screwed up everything and how I'm always depressed no matter what I do. Today I woke up early, got ready for school, dressed up brushed my teeth and once I came close to the door, I couldn't get out. So I just stared at my shoes and at the door for a good hour. So my mom started yelling at me because I'm not like everyone else and how I'm too lazy to go to school. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I skipped school so much due to my anxiety. I can't even go outside and get to school. I hate the feeling that I get when I'm in school. Its horrible. Especially when I'm in English. The teacher is terrifying, she expects so much from each and every student. And when I'm in that class, everyone participates, everyone understands everything. I feel like I'm the dumbest one in that class. Even before I started skipping so much, I still felt like this. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt like my head was hollow when I did the homework. I remember I once tried really hard on one of her homeworks and my head even hurt for a good 2 days or so. It took me more than 3 hours to do that single assignment because I wanted to fully engrave the information in my brain. Now I can't even look at the homework assignments online, I'm too scared to look. I'm too scared of how much I missed. I'm just terrified of ruining everything even though I'm ruining myself by not doing the assignments and getting to school. Even when I try doing well in school, I still feel like I'm not good enough. I try hard when I want to but its just hard to try hard. I don't know if I'm just lazy or I seriously have a problem with going to school and doing homework. My mom says I'm just too lazy and I don't want to do anything. The thing is I want to do something! I don't want to be walking around in this world empty minded but I'm slowly doing that at the moment. I'm not going to school, I'm not doing my assignments and its killing me inside what I'm doing. I just have a constant fear when I sit down in class or when I'm at home doing homework. Thats why I stopped. I didn't want to feel that constant fear of how I'm not good enough or how I'm too stupid to even get this done. I don't know how to get rid of this fear. Its kind of how people have a phobia for spiders, I have a phobia for school. I'm terrified of being in school, I'm scared of the judgement of teachers, I'm scared I'm going to fail everything, I'm just scared of everything that is related to school! I don't know how to break this fear. I mean I know I have to face it but I'm too scared of even doing that! I was suppose to go today to school to tell my teacher that I am having huge anxiety and depressive issues but I skipped because I was too scared to tell her that. I know she can help me but I'm scared she might give me attitude or send me off if I tell her my problems. I never had a good relationship with teachers. I never fully exposed myself to a teacher, I always kept it "business-like". If I needed help, then they can help me. It almost seemed robotic in a sense. I never told a teacher about how I actually felt, I just came to class, sat down, and did the work no matter how hard it was. But every since my depression and anxiety hit, I can't do that anymore. When a teacher gives an assignment, I run away from it, I don't ask for help because I seem like I'm weak if I ask for help or that I'm too stupid to understand the material. So now I'm just writing this goddamn thing down while I'm suppose to be in school learning. I want to learn, I want to learn as much as I can its just I'm too much in fear, anxiety, and depression to do the work or even arrive to my classes. I'm not sure if this is laziness but I don't know all I know is when I sit down in class I am scared. I shake, my heart beats really fast and I don't know how to decrease this anxiety! Afterschool I go biking all the time, I walk my dog, I have a blog, I draw/write/read when I want to. I don't know what else I need! I'm not satisfied, I'm not happy! My mom says that I'm making this all up, my mom always says these horrible things she doesn't know what to say anymore. I'm not sure what to do. I'm so tired of going in the same cycle all the time. Every goddamn day, I cry for no reason at all. I just cry because I am always sad and I am not doing anything good with my life. Two years ago, I wasn't like this. I use to dance at a professional ballet school. I danced every single day, did my school work, and I lived my life. But once depression hit, I gave up on dance and school. Maybe its the boredom thats causing this depression/anxiety. I'm sorry if this is so long and random, I'm not really sure how these forum's works. I'm not sure if someones going to read this because its way too long but if someone does please I am begging you, I am desperate for help. I don't know how to fix myself. Currently I tried many unprescribed stress relief medication pills. But today my mom gave me prozac, so I could get to school (which didn't work). My mom also signed me for a therapist to talk to. I'm so confused, if someone actually read this please reply to this thread! I'm in desperate need for advice, assistance, anything really even someone to care.


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## fire mage64

Dermatillomanias said:


> I know she can help me but I'm scared she might give me attitude or send me off if I tell her my problems. I never had a good relationship with teachers. I never fully exposed myself to a teacher, I always kept it *"business-like"*. If I needed help, then they can help me. It almost seemed *robotic *in a sense. I never told a teacher about how I actually felt, I just came to class, sat down, and did the work no matter how hard it was. But every since my depression and anxiety hit, I can't do that anymore. When a teacher gives an assignment, I run away from it, I don't ask for help because I seem like I'm weak if I ask for help or that I'm too stupid to understand the material.


Its important to remember that teachers are humans too. They have a life to go back to after their work is done and they experience many of the same frustrations of life that you and everyone else faces each day. Teachers are there to help you - most do not derive satisfaction from telling you that you are academically inferior - they _want _to you learn and they _want _you to do well.

You used the terms business like and robotic to describe your relationship between you and your teachers. Its true that college relationships can be less personal and geared toward acquainting you with the real world after you graduate but like I said they are there to help. The terms you used imply that you are purposely distancing yourself from them because of your perception that they won't want to help you. But that is just _your perception_ - you cannot assume that they see things the way you do.



Dermatillomanias said:


> My mom also signed me for a therapist to talk to.


I'm sure a therapist can help you out a lot. They should be your primary source of help because they are qualified to help improve your mental health.


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## Odinn

Okay, I've experienced a lot of that School fear/anxiety and even family issues surrounding that. I was called lazy by my parents, teachers and even a social worker.
I won't go into how badly it turned out for me.

Firstly, a therapist will help, yes. If it is a psychiatrist they will be able to prescribe to you a medication that will work.

Secondly, if you can make it to school, instead of going into class go into the guidance office and talk with a Guidance Counsellor about these problems right away.

That way you may be able to get placed into a smaller class, recovery class or even online schooling/home schooling.

Obviously people will tell you the best choice is to "tough it out" and "just go" but those simply don't work. Sometimes the fear is too powerful to overcome and you need to choose other options.

If you can't physically go in and talk to a guidance counsellor then your school may have a website where you can find the emails to teachers and counsellors to contact them that way, look into that if possible by searching the name of your school on google, bing...etc

As for ways to deal with the anxiety and fear, aside from therapy and medication I am not sure as I am still struggling with significant anxiety to this day.

That's all I can offer for now, I hope it helps and you can overcome this obstacle.
:squeeze


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## yeppp

going through the same issue rn


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## CopadoMexicano

i cant get financial aid anymore through my university anymore and its a shame because im close to finishing my bachelors but ive attempted too many hours and didnt complete my education yet


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