# I don't love him anymore...



## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we have 2 daughters together. These past few months I have felt so unhappy. Everyday all I can hear in my head is 'i don't love him'. I hate him, he makes me so angry. I'm just not attracted to him and I am pretty sure I do not love him anymore. But I feel so trapped ..he's the dad to my kids for a start and with me having social anxiety I don't like change..I will feel judged and I worry about meeting new people..I want to move far away but I know I wouldn't cope with my anxiety. I hate that my SA has such a hold on my life. I want to be free but I'm trapped, in an unhappy relationship not knowing what to do with my life. I Just don't know what to do !


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

It is normal to hit a rut 5-7 years in. Communication is the life blood of a relationship, and either there is some way to meet in the middle and figure things out or it will die a nasty death.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Why do you feel like you hate him? Is he mistreating you? Ignoring you? 

There is a great website for marriage advice: marriagebuilders.com


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

AngelClare said:


> Why do you feel like you hate him? Is he mistreating you? Ignoring you?
> 
> There is a great website for marriage advice: marriagebuilders.com


Everything he does just irritates me. I don't feel attracted to him anymore. He isn't very caring and doesn't support me emotionally..basically I have strong feelings of resentment towards him and I just don't want to be anywhere near him anymore..


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I don't think you're telling us the full truth but okay.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

Sacrieur said:


> I don't think you're telling us the full truth but okay.


What do you mean ?


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## Vanderfee (Aug 12, 2013)

Best to call it quits if you find yourself in an unhappy position. But have you tried expressing your feelings to him?


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Leave him.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

You've been with him since you were 15-16. You shouldn't have to be with someone you don't love. It's your life and you're not going to do yourself, your kids or him any favors by staying with him.

Edit: My brother married his HS sweetheart and they've been unhappily married for years. A few years ago, one of my nieces told my grandma all she wants for Christmas is peace in her home. Don't let that become your life too.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Rainbow369 said:


> Everything he does just irritates me. I don't feel attracted to him anymore. He isn't very caring and doesn't support me emotionally..basically I have strong feelings of resentment towards him and I just don't want to be anywhere near him anymore..


If you're married to someone long-term, eventually there's going to be conflict because you're still dealing with different people. Sometimes people are going through their own hard times and and forget about or don't understand their partner's perspectives, and sometimes they've just become a worse person or too different for a relationship to last. Sometimes people fall out of love or find there wasn't enough to begin with. Those are nobody's fault.

It's hard to know which one without dedicated efforts to uncover whatever's at the bottom of people's behavior, but I don't blame you for wanting distance or not feeling connected if your don't feel you're getting enough support and care. Lean on family and friends if you can until you know for sure what you want to do and can commit to it.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Therapy would be ideal (for your anxiety and depression).

As for your partnership. It's obviously over. You have to tell him. 

After all that there will be the custody process for your kids.


^All those things will be less stressful (and seem a lot less frightening) if you can get yourself into treatment (therapy) first.

Maybe ask your GP to refer you to a therapist (that's how I got into therapy).

If you have family you are on good terms with now is the time to ask for support.

Regretting the past is pointless. The past is done. Look to the future.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

If you loved him once the same person is there, but I have little doubt he is also pulling away and feeling angry over the lack of communication and common ground. Relationships take a ton of work and people do change a lot between teenage years and young adulthood. The media paints it as some effortless fairy tale and a lot of people like you OP think just bailing is the right answer instead of putting in some effort to fix things. Maybe splitting is the best answer, but without actually trying to figure out what and why and save the relationship you're not really doing yourself any favors, same thing will happen 5 years into your next relationship too.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Tough situation...but with so much at stake(5years/2 kids) I would try everything in the book before giving up. Do you feel like your life has become the same routine? That is a pretty common theme when one person starts to lose the "spark"...the same daily grind makes it easy to forget about a lot of important things. If you feel like you're in a rut, try doing something different from what you have been doing. It may help. Good luck!


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## mjkittredge (Sep 8, 2012)

what would your plan be if you were to leave? Is that even an option you'd consider? Would you just stick it out for the next 15+ years for the sake of the kids but be miserable all that time?


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

I wish you luck anyway. It's perfectly normal for you to loose feelings for him. People can change a lot in 5 years especially when transitioning into an adult.

I don't know if any of us can really give you honest advice. We have no idea who you are, what your life goals are, what your life situation is, what your options are after divorce, etc. We can try to give you support but this is ultimately your decision. Weigh your options and decide.

_Staff Edit_


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

It sounds like a natural phase in a relationship. Raising children is hard and can take a toll on a relationship.

Go to marriagebuilders.com. Lots of support and resources.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

The main argument in your post is that "he's" making you unhappy. 

Reality is you're responsible for your own happiness. You got yourself pregnant before you even matured physically and emotionally


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

People change. Life is full of change.

You may be one of those people who goes through 10 people before you find someone you want to be with or just one person.

The bottom line is: it is okay. It is okay to make a decision to be with someone and do something like have kids with them and want to leave them. It is okay. 
It is okay to have had kids at a young age. That's just how your life worked. The past is set in stone and you should not be questioning that. What you should be questioning is how do I feel* now*?

First, make sure there are no repairable things in the relationship such as communication issues; if you've talked it all out with him, and he's not meeting your needs then you've done your everything. Why stay with someone you're not attracted to? Are you afraid of being alone again? Do you fear your kids will be without a stable home? The fact of the reality is that your kids will understand if you are ready to explain to them and do this in a healthy way.

Take care of yourself. A negative, unhappy relationship with this guy will affect your kids more than divorcing him. A negative household just creates too many issues in the future.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young ! Things happen, I didn't plan it and I certainly can't change it ! I work and I provide for them so what's the problem !?..my life isn't 'ruined' because of them ..yes sometimes I think my life would be easier without them but I do not resent them in anyway. I've tried all that I can with my boyfriend , I've tried to explain how I feel and I've tried to change the way I feel towards him but I can't ! .. I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Visit your local counselor and get help.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

Rainbow369 said:


> If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


Yeaaaah, that is what this forum does. Anyway, can you ask your parents for support or anything? The bottom line is that you need to leave him asap. You can't afford to be trapped like that at the young age of 21. Maybe ask your parents to hold onto your kids for a while as you look for a new place, then once you get settled take'em back.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Rainbow369 said:


> Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young ! Things happen, I didn't plan it and I certainly can't change it ! I work and I provide for them so what's the problem !?..my life isn't 'ruined' because of them ..yes sometimes I think my life would be easier without them but I do not resent them in anyway. I've tried all that I can with my boyfriend , I've tried to explain how I feel and I've tried to change the way I feel towards him but I can't ! .. I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


Yeah, I don't think you deserved the hate you got in here. Sorry you had to deal w/ that when you were just looking for help. Hope you can figure out what to do w/ your situation.


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Rainbow369 said:


> Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young ! Things happen, I didn't plan it and I certainly can't change it ! I work and I provide for them so what's the problem !?..my life isn't 'ruined' because of them ..yes sometimes I think my life would be easier without them but I do not resent them in anyway. I've tried all that I can with my boyfriend , I've tried to explain how I feel and I've tried to change the way I feel towards him but I can't ! .. I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


This forum is not the best place to get advice. I would suggest a marriage or relationship forum. The fact of the matter is that many people on here are so isolated from people that they do not have enough empathy to relate to people anymore or they are just bitter. I find it funny that some people on a social anxiety forum are afraid of being judged when they tend to give out the harshest judgements towards other people in real life and the forums. Psychologically I wonder if social anxiety for some people is a projection/fear of being judged on the same level as they excruciatingly judge others. Most people would understand your situation. Good luck . :squeeze


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Rainbow369 said:


> Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young !


Well that's inevitable I'm afraid. People are going to judge.

As I said, the past is the past, there's no point dwelling on it too much. What you should focus on is getting therapy for your anxiety difficulties so you will be in a better/healthier frame of mind to tackle the next stage of your life, which will be the separation from your boyfriend.


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## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

nubly said:


> You've been with him since you were 15-16. You shouldn't have to be with someone you don't love.* It's your life and you're not going to do yourself, your kids or him any favors by staying with him.*
> 
> Edit: My brother married his HS sweetheart and they've been unhappily married for years. A few years ago, one of my nieces told my grandma all she wants for Christmas is peace in her home. Don't let that become your life too.


if you take anything from this thread... this. my parents stuck together because of my brother and i. 20 years later [not the best years]. SHTF...

if youre unhappy and he is unwilling/unresponsive for change, leave.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

It's just a low point , it happens . 
Try some time away like a Holliday . 
And you must talk and tell him your feelings . 

As said its just a low point


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## Corvus Cowl (Apr 25, 2012)

Judging from your posts, you may want to spend less time here and getting ready for child custody stuff... just saying.

All relationships have their roadblocks, and it sucks having to deal with them, but if you're honestly fed up and not wanting to deal with your partner (and you've done everything from talking to complaining about it), then start making preparations for separation.

Come back and let us know how it went, but for now I would take care of it over continuously posting about the current situation.


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I find it sad how after posting just a small bit of information, people here are ready and willing to recommend that you leave. Good intentions or not, this is not the time or place to be recommending such drastic action like that. A topic for another thread no doubt - but yeah, I'm seriously unhinged by my generation's inability to see anything past the short term and impulse. The best piece of advice, has already been given in my opinion:


> Visit your local counselor and get help.


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## Riri11 (Mar 24, 2013)

Rainbow369 said:


> Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young ! Things happen, I didn't plan it and I certainly can't change it ! I work and I provide for them so what's the problem !?..my life isn't 'ruined' because of them ..yes sometimes I think my life would be easier without them but I do not resent them in anyway. I've tried all that I can with my boyfriend , I've tried to explain how I feel and I've tried to change the way I feel towards him but I can't ! .. I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


hi, I'm sorry I sounded judgmental. Being a single parent is awful to anyone.

taking responsibility that you CHOSE that person "their dad" and had kids, you need to also CHOSE to change your direction in life.. that meaning leaving your current relationship/giving away your kids to someone who is more stable emotionally and a place where they would have more support, for the mean time.

your children are receiving 0 emotional support from you, because you are unable to support yourself "emotionally".

not sure how it works in the UK. but here in canada CAS "children's aid society" is more than happy to take care of children until their parents put their life together and happily give the children back to you when you are ready to have them. right now, you need a break from your children and they need a break from this toxic environment "you and your boyfriend not getting along must have a HUGE effect on them"

Take care


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)




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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

LichtLune said:


> Staff Edit


Wow:no

...

Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you're feeling about the relationship, OP? Do you think that the love has died for both of you(assuming it was there to begin with)?

*edit:* I just read your other post where you said that you have. What did he say when you brought it up?


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

probably offline said:


> Wow:no
> 
> ...





crimeclub said:


> Staff Edit





Rainbow369 said:


> Just hate it that I'm being judged by a lot of you for having kids young ! Things happen, I didn't plan it and I certainly can't change it ! I work and I provide for them so what's the problem !?..my life isn't 'ruined' because of them ..yes sometimes I think my life would be easier without them but I do not resent them in anyway. I've tried all that I can with my boyfriend , I've tried to explain how I feel and I've tried to change the way I feel towards him but I can't ! .. I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


It was completely predictable though. I was talking to someone else about that post, sex and having children, are the things this site is most judgmental about.

And this is another useless post, why am I posting, I have no advice. I just want to say to the thread starter that there have been a lot of good posts in this thread too, and try not to dwell on the negative ones. There are caring people here.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Rainbow369 said:


> Everything he does just irritates me. I don't feel attracted to him anymore. He isn't very caring and doesn't support me emotionally..basically I have strong feelings of resentment towards him and I just don't want to be anywhere near him anymore..


You hate him just because? lol That's pretty messed up.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

RelinquishedHell said:


> You hate him just because? lol That's pretty messed up.


No I don't hate him just because ..it's a lot more complicated than that. it's lots of little things that ultimately lead me to hate him. The main one being that he's not a great father. He doesnt spend much quality time with them. he just does the minimum. Also it's difficult that I have 0 emotional support from him. He doesn't even try to understand how I feel. It's so much stress on me who provides for the whole family. I feel trapped by the whole situation and just want to run away from it all (not that I would ever leave my kids). But yeah ' I don't hate him Just because'...


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

Do what is best for your children unless there is any kind of conflict of abuse that is affecting them negatively in the household. If your mental and emotional state is affected to such an extent that you think living in your current situation is keeping you from being a good parent, it could be wise to move. Otherwise, just see if you can manage. And don't think you deserve to have to be unhappy in your relationship just for your kids...you shouldn't sacrifice the health or stability of your children's lives for your own comfort, but you don't have to be miserable if you can keep raising them in a healthy way and be healthier yourself. A stressed and miserable parent is not as good a parent as a happy one. Give it some time and seriously think about it. If it's only been a few months that you've felt this way, I'm sure you can manage another few months or even a year to figure out what needs to be done.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

Rainbow369 said:


> I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we have 2 daughters together. These past few months I have felt so unhappy. Everyday all I can hear in my head is 'i don't love him'. I hate him, he makes me so angry. I'm just not attracted to him and I am pretty sure I do not love him anymore. But I feel so trapped ..he's the dad to my kids for a start and with me having social anxiety I don't like change..I will feel judged and I worry about meeting new people..*I want to move far away* but I know I wouldn't cope with my anxiety. I hate that my SA has such a hold on my life. I want to be free but I'm trapped, in an unhappy relationship not knowing what to do with my life. I Just don't know what to do !


Talk to him first. You want to move far away and that means taking his kids with you, and thats just wrong. You say you are unhappy with him, but is he honestly happy with you? It takes an effort from both people. If you give nothing but just expect stuff from him, it wont work.

_Staff Edit_


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

OutsideR1 said:


> Talk to him first. You want to move far away and that means taking his kids with you, and thats just wrong. You say you are unhappy with him, but is he honestly happy with you? It takes an effort from both people. If you give nothing but just expect stuff from him, it wont work.


If you read it properly I said I 'feel' like running away ! I DID NOT say I was going to ! So before you go calling me _Removed_ read it properly. I don't know wether he is happy with me or not but he still wants us to be together. And I give a lot into the relationship. I offer him support I'm understanding and I provide for him. And yes I have spoken to him about it which I mentioned above.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

^ FYI wanting to be happy in life isn't being selfish. If you want out and stay with him, you may resent him which will not turn out good. Do what your heart tells you to do, not what random people on the internet say.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Rainbow369 said:


> I came on here for support , not to be judged about having kids at my age! If anything I feel worse than I did before coming on here ..ughh


Yeh, unfortunately people love to judge.

In my experience when asking for advice and opinions you need to be quite discriminating in who you ask. Asking on an internet forum, where people have zero investment in the situation (and don't know you, or care about you) will likely spend all of 20 seconds coming up with their 'help' 

My advice is going to be limited to what i am able to comment on. I agree getting some form of therapy (I would advice CBT with a good therapist) would probably be a good idea. It might help you directly with the decision (with some rational problem solving skills), but also it might help with the anxiety. You should also be aware that as you have anxiety (and possibly depression?) kicking about, this might be directly affecting your thinking, and even your thinking about your partner.

If you are depressed, I would hold off on any major decisions until you aren't, or at least don't take your current thinking at face value. Depression might be distorting things.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

Rainbow369 said:


> If you read it properly I said I 'feel' like running away ! I DID NOT say I was going to ! So before you go calling me selfish read it properly _Removed._ I don't know wether he is happy with me or not but he still wants us to be together. And I give a lot into the relationship. I offer him support I'm understanding and I provide for him. And yes I have spoken to him about it which I mentioned above.


Woah, no need for name calling. How am I supposed to know how serious you are over the internet?

So how did it go when you told him about your issues?


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Riri11 said:


> The main argument in your post is that "he's" making you unhappy.
> 
> Reality is you're responsible for your own happiness. You got yourself pregnant before you even matured physically and emotionally


+1.

If you think your relationship to this man was a mistake then I suggest try to do relationship counseling if you intend to save it. However if you feel that deep down you don't want a relationship anymore with him - then move on and evaluate what you have learned from this relationship so that walk away with a bit more wisdom in life and for future reference.

Everyone makes mistakes - big or small - it's whether you learn from them that matter.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

OutsideR1 said:


> Woah, no need for name calling. How am I supposed to know how serious you are over the internet?
> 
> So how did it go when you told him about your issues?


There was also no need to call me _Removed_..yes maybe I shouldn't of called you an _Removed_ but I'm just fed up of being constantly criticised by a lot of people on here ! ... He doesn't really listen..and when he does he'll tell me that he will listen more and support me but that just never happens..I've told him how I feel many times but he doesn't seem to care and is uninterested really.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

Have you tried couples therapy? This is a tricky one. I'd hate to give you bad advice, so I'd rather let a professional help you.

I have one question, does he still love you?


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

lilyamongthorns said:


> Have you tried couples therapy? This is a tricky one. I'd hate to give you bad advice, so I'd rather let a professional help you.
> 
> I have one question, does he still love you?


No Havnt tried therapy..and as for your question I'm not sure if he loves me ..I don't feel that he does but he says he loves me and wants us to stay together ..


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

uffi said:


> This advice is insane. Also how could you possible know that her children are receiving 0 emotional support WTF?


I know right !? They get plenty of emotional support from me and I'm not just going to 'give them away'..


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

You kinda have to assess how much your SA is going into this.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

millenniumman75 said:


> You kinda have to assess how much your SA is going into this.


I think the only reason I'm still with him is because of my SA ..I'm not happy but I'm also scared of being alone if that makes sense


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Rainbow369 said:


> I think the only reason I'm still with him is because of my SA ..I'm not happy but I'm also scared of being alone if that makes sense


Feeling trapped? Yeah.

Overcoming SA is actually a personality shift as well. There will be things you don't put up with.....being put down is one of them.


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## Dre12 (Jul 25, 2014)

If you want out you want out. Do you not see any chance of repairing the relationship if he changes?


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's a complicated situation. Try to excuse all the criticisms, it's hard to know what to say, whether or not we should give tough love or be more gentle.

The choice you're about to make wont be ideal, either way. What you can do is be proud and be happy. You can still be there for him without taking on too much stress. You're a family, but you're all human. Take your time, there's no need to complicate things by jumping into a new relationship or completely ditching him too soon. Take things slow and keep things digestible, find your sweet spot between you and him, whether that's as partners or just friends. Add some love to the not so romantic aspects of your life while you're at it.

Really think this through, take your time. You'll make the right choice, make yourself proud. Be strong and be happy, for the whole family. Everything is going to be ok.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Dre12 said:


> If you want out you want out. Do you not see any chance of repairing the relationship if he changes?


I think they're both 50/50 it sounds like. She gave up and so did he, funny how that happens and things don't just magically get better.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

The love we had stays on my mind


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

knightofdespair said:


> If you loved him once the same person is there, but I have little doubt he is also pulling away and feeling angry over the lack of communication and common ground. Relationships take a ton of work and people do change a lot between teenage years and young adulthood. The media paints it as some effortless fairy tale and a lot of people like you OP think just bailing is the right answer instead of putting in some effort to fix things. Maybe splitting is the best answer, but without actually trying to figure out what and why and save the relationship you're not really doing yourself any favors, same thing will happen 5 years into your next relationship too.


I co-sign this.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Paper Samurai said:


> I find it sad how after posting just a small bit of information, people here are ready and willing to recommend that you leave. Good intentions or not, this is not the time or place to be recommending such drastic action like that. A topic for another thread no doubt - but yeah, I'm seriously unhinged by my generation's inability to see anything past the short term and impulse. The best piece of advice, has already been given in my opinion:


Couldn't agree more...


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Y'know, actions sometimes speak louder than words, perhaps he's not a very emotional person on the outside but if you both went to therapy or talked out your communication issues perhaps he could realize his cold and calculating nature, possibly place more effort in connecting with you and the kids?

Out of curiosity how many hours of work does he do a week?--Is it brutal physical labor or a demanding high stress job? He very well might love you and the kids, no one on here can formulate an opinion based on limited information and you shouldn't break up your family if you can afford not to. You were initially attracted to him and felt a spark, now the flame has died out, is there no possible way to rekindle that romance? Love takes hard work, sacrifice and compromise, communication, trust and acceptance.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Malek said:


> Y'know, actions sometimes speak louder than words, perhaps he's not a very emotional person on the outside but if you both went to therapy or talked out your communication issues perhaps he could realize his cold and calculating nature, possible place more effort in connecting with you and the kids?
> 
> Out of curiosity how many hours of work does he do a week?--Is it brutal physical labor or a demanding high stress job? He very well might love you and the kids, no one on here can formulate an opinion based on limited information and you shouldn't break up your family if you can afford not to. You were initially attracted to him and felt a spark, now the flame has died out, is there no possible way to rekindle that romance? Love takes hard work, sacrifice and compromise, communication, trust and acceptance.


Wise words.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

Malek said:


> Y'know, actions sometimes speak louder than words, perhaps he's not a very emotional person on the outside but if you both went to therapy or talked out your communication issues perhaps he could realize his cold and calculating nature, possibly place more effort in connecting with you and the kids?
> 
> Out of curiosity how many hours of work does he do a week?--Is it brutal physical labor or a demanding high stress job? He very well might love you and the kids, no one on here can formulate an opinion based on limited information and you shouldn't break up your family if you can afford not to. You were initially attracted to him and felt a spark, now the flame has died out, is there no possible way to rekindle that romance? Love takes hard work, sacrifice and compromise, communication, trust and acceptance.


Thanks for the advice. As for your question he does about 6 hours a week work..I wouldn't call it hard graft. It's me that works full time and supports the whole family.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Wait, so you work 40 hours a week at least and he works 6? Is he at least going to college, university, or something? Does he pull his weight around the house? Raising the kids in a responsible manner? What does he do all day aside from making you feel unloved?


I'm very sorry for being judgmental here, I'm just curious as to what exactly are you both getting out of this relationship aside from clinging to history?

If my partner didn't work, I'd at least hope they make me feel loved, I'd date an unemployed girl if I fell in love with her and still honestly believed she genuinely loved me. But like, you stated you don't even feel loved or don't love him back.

Is he looking for more work at the very least?--I know it's hard out there, but there's a huge difference between trying and not.

I can't tell you what to do, I can only state my personal opinion and hopefully not offend too many people. Time is precious, spend it on people who yield happiness in your life.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

Malek said:


> Wait, so you work 40 hours a week at least and he works 6? Is he at least going to college, university, or something? Does he pull his weight around the house? Raising the kids in a responsible manner? What does he do all day aside from making you feel unloved?
> 
> I'm very sorry for being judgmental here, I'm just curious as to what exactly are you both getting out of this relationship aside from clinging to history?
> 
> ...


I work 50+ hours a week. I work from home. It's not physically draining but it is mentally. He's not looking for more work no. He's never really worked. He's almost 6 years older than me. And I guess I fell in love with him when I was 16 because it was exciting dating an older guy. But now I'm just thinking what the hell have I done with my life. I work all day while he sits back and does what he wants. He does the minimum with the kids and the money he earns from his 6 hours he spends on things he wants. I wish I hadn't of been so naive but I was only young when I met him and had no idea things would be like they are now. I havn't felt any love for him for about 2-3 years now. I found out he was planning to cheat on me with an ex a few years ago and that really broke my heart. It's only because I saw the messages that nothing happened.. I Havn't been able to trust him since and I guess my love for him has slowly faded and I'm at the point where it really wouldn't bother me if he went. I don't feel any attachment to him anymore. I've tried and tried to salvage the relationship but there's only so long I can fight for something I don't think I truly want anymore. I'm just scared of being alone..that's why Ive put up with him for so long.


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## Rainbow369 (Apr 5, 2015)

He used to emotionally hurt me a lot. He'd walk out on me and not come back for days. He'd say nasty things and occasionally hit me . I really did love him and for a long time I would beg him to come home and not to leave me I was just so scared of losing him is put up with almost anything .. But now I'm numb to it all .. He can't emotionally hurt me anymore because I've detached myself from it all I suppose. He hasn't been violent towards me for a long time now . He has some anger issues but he's learnt to control them a lot better...I didnt want to go into this much detail about my relationship but seeing as a lot of people seem to be judging me and accusing me of not trying and wanting a quick way out I thought I'd put it out there because I really honestly have tried for a long time. But it takes 2 to make a relationship work and I'm sure I've done my part. Why should I keep trying if he doesn't ?


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

I'm sorry you feel trapped in this situation, you have to realize that you don't have to settle for this life for yourself nor your kids if you desire a happier life. Is there any close by relatives you could bring the kids to?--Since you work at home I assume that means it wouldn't be too much of a hassle to move, so aside from being attached to him or the kid's school, what else is keeping you there living with him? Either that or have him somehow leave since you're probably paying most of the housing fees.

As for people judging you, well they don't know firsthand what your life is like in your shoes in the past, so try not to pay much heed. The past is the past, yet living in the present now, you claim you're not happy, haven't been happy for years. You have the option to break up with him y'know, why are you afraid to be alone? There are tons of single moms these days and they still date, chances are you could at the very least find a decent bloke who works more than 6 hrs a week or is attending school. 

You're 21, it only gets harder as you age, I know of at least three or four girls at work who used to be in your situation but they moved on and got 2nd boyfriends, or still date. I honestly don't see why this fear of loneliness should be an ample excuse to deter you from an opportunity of a real life of happiness. You're not even married to him, should make things easier. Plus you could demand child support. If I were in your situation, I'd ask friends, positive acquaintances/role models at work, or of course family members for support in following through this process.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Rainbow369 said:


> I work 50+ hours a week. I work from home. It's not physically draining but it is mentally. He's not looking for more work no. He's never really worked. He's almost 6 years older than me. And I guess I fell in love with him when I was 16 because it was exciting dating an older guy. But now I'm just thinking what the hell have I done with my life. I work all day while he sits back and does what he wants. He does the minimum with the kids and the money he earns from his 6 hours he spends on things he wants. I wish I hadn't of been so naive but I was only young when I met him and had no idea things would be like they are now. I havn't felt any love for him for about 2-3 years now. I found out he was planning to cheat on me with an ex a few years ago and that really broke my heart. It's only because I saw the messages that nothing happened.. I Havn't been able to trust him since and I guess my love for him has slowly faded and I'm at the point where it really wouldn't bother me if he went. I don't feel any attachment to him anymore. I've tried and tried to salvage the relationship but there's only so long I can fight for something I don't think I truly want anymore. I'm just scared of being alone..that's why Ive put up with him for so long.


I was going to say that if he was also 21, in a way such behaviour could be expected...it's extremely hard having kids at a young age and growing into adulthood.

But 27, not working and not paying enough attention to the kids, is not acceptable. Any reason he won't work?


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## Tony9113 (May 10, 2015)

You'll make the right choice. Be strong and be happy. Everything is going to be ok.


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