# Question about CBT. Dropping safety behavior.



## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Ok, my self-help CBT book teaches that the most important step in beating CBT is "experimenting" with dropping safety or avoidance behavior and observing what happens.

What if my safety behavior is thoughts? What if it's self-consciousness? I mean, I look tense/freaked because I over-think the idea of looking so. In other words, I try to protect myself from looking terrible by consciously monitoring my senses & body. Paradoxically, this inner spot-light is the source of looking bad.

Dropping safety behavior to me, would mean dropping the thoughts. How the hell can I stop thinking about something?

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Yeah, I understand, that if only I could FORGET myself, I would be healed. But how can you forget yourself?

Any ideas? Please write whatever you know about the matter.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

well, my opinion for what it's worth:

in CBT, behaviour and thoughts are two different things. 

A behaviour is an act, not a thought. 

say one of your typical behaviours is scanning the street ahead of you to see if anyone is walking toward you. Upon seeing someone, what you typically do is cross the street to avoid them. That is a safety behaviour. 

Instead, stay on the same side of the street, keep walking toward them, and pass them. That would be *not* following through with your typical safety behaviour. 

that is what is meant.


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

yeah, that makes sense and it's probably the right way to look at it...


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## Stargirl09 (Dec 14, 2009)

Andy I must be reading the same book cos I asked about this recently too.

Safety behaviour is actions, behaviour is the B in CBT, The C is what you think (cognition), the B is what you physically do in response to that thought or the feeling that the thought creates.

A safety behaviour cannot be a thought, it's an action which allows you to avoid social situations or the potential for embarrassment, but it starts with a thought.


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

Yeah Stargirl09, that sounds like CBT. 

I consulted one CBT professional about my matter via email (I plan to contact more of them) and he offered to try showing anxiety/fear symptoms on purpose.

I've heard about this technique before and even tried it with success. I will use it with even more energy knowing that professional recommends it too.


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## AndyLT (Oct 8, 2007)

The technique is called Paradoxical Intention. I'm putting tons of hopes into it.


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## AnxiousIaM (Jan 14, 2010)

I don't know if this applies to everyone, but in my CBT therapy, a big part of it is becoming accustomed to sitting with anxiety instead of rushing to distract myself or engage in a ritual of some sort.


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

That is really cool. I have only had a little CBT for OCD and have not got to my social anxiety yet.

I noticed just this year that people without social anxiety take a more experimental approach to life. They do something, then see what happens, then make adjustments and repeat the cycle instead of trying to figure out what is safe and then make choices based on safety.

I am often too anxious to drive. I worry about having an accident or embarrassing myself by holding up traffic or something. A lot driving is social interaction, such as who goes first at a four way stop. I was trying to plan the route in my head, trying to anticipate every possible encounter with another driver, worrying about what to do at each interection and turn. I just said to myself, forget this, I am just going to get in the car, start down the road and "I'll see what happens." I felt confident driving that day.

I've expanded this "I'll see what happens" attitude to other areas of my life.

A woman was walking up the sidewalk on my way home. Normally, I would go out of my way to avoid her. I started to wait or go around, but the snow blocked the other walk, which encouraged me to take the sidewalk. I was still hesitant, but then I said to myself, you are not going avoid her. I was determined this time to not indulge my avoidance behavior. I continued down the sidewalk with her approaching me. I went through the whole song and dance people do when passing one another, she looked at me then glanced away, then looked ahead. I tried to mimic her. As she got close, I said 'good morning' (of course, I freaked out wondering whether it was still morning or afternoon, not having my watch) and she sort of acknowledged me. It was a small success.

The trouble is, social anxiety reasserts itself.


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

AnxiousIaM said:


> I don't know if this applies to everyone, but in my CBT therapy, a big part of it is becoming accustomed to sitting with anxiety instead of rushing to distract myself or engage in a ritual of some sort.


Yes, this is the same for me. I have to just allow myself to feel anxious and try to calm myself by using my coping statements and positive thinking rather than calm myself by thinking about Harry Potter or Hot Hot Heat or my boyfriend or the job I really want after graduation.


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## Aron23 (Aug 10, 2011)

Alright Andy i get what you mean about your behaviour being thoughts. i used to think that if i was thinking purer thoughts i,e your a good looking guy, these people are nice , no1 dislikes you etc then in reality that would become apprant. But a found myself everytime socially trying to maintain that thought pattern and ending up getting thought bounce back. ie yea that persons luvly you say to yourself - then your thought rebound hits you with that persons a fat ugly mess - causes you to be anxious then avoid looking at the person then you end up feeling like **** because you think your a bad person for thinking that about them. Kinda confuses me where the difference between social anxiety , obsesive thinking and ocd come in.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

AndyLT said:


> Ok, my self-help CBT book teaches that the most important step in beating CBT is "experimenting" with dropping safety or avoidance behavior and observing what happens.
> 
> What if my safety behavior is thoughts? What if it's self-consciousness? I mean, I look tense/freaked because I over-think the idea of looking so. In other words, I try to protect myself from looking terrible by consciously monitoring my senses & body. Paradoxically, this inner spot-light is the source of looking bad.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you should try metacognitive therapy. Thinking about your thinking and how you react to your own feelings and thoughts is metacognition. You are aware that your safety strategies involve some kind of cognitive control (your awareness of this is called meta awareness). Self consciousness is a form of threat monitoring where you have the idea (cognition) that you look tense and you respond to this idea with self consciousness (looking out for threats to the self). When you feel tense, you can choose to ignore the tense feeling which in turn won't draw attention to the inner feeling of being tense.


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## foooofoooo (Jan 23, 2012)

*This is not fair .. not fair !!?*

I'm a 14 years old .. And i haven't done anything with my life! Nothing that i could remember forever or something stupid .. I have no friends.. Never had a bf ..I hate my body, i have talents that has no use for me in this world, i'm in love with a guy that i'm pretty sure doesn't even love/like or even look at me,I'm not good at taking school tests.. I just don't get it .. I'm 57 kg and 1.54 cm tall .. I have breasts,you can little see small waist ,but i have no butt which looks so weird because i have huge thighs that can't fit into jeans and it look so disgusting i feel so disgusting i mean if i had something at least little thing behind i would be happy but no .. there is nothing it's all flat ! Whenever i go up in Weight the fat goes to my thighs and nowhere else .. just thighs not butt ! I know it's not the worlds first problemm but i just feel so sad because of all these things going into my life and getting oout .. I just feel so alone and so ugly ..


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## StimulateYourBrain (Nov 20, 2011)

jimity said:


> Sounds like you should try metacognitive therapy. Thinking about your thinking and how you react to your own feelings and thoughts is metacognition. You are aware that your safety strategies involve some kind of cognitive control (your awareness of this is called meta awareness). Self consciousness is a form of threat monitoring where you have the idea (cognition) that you look tense and you respond to this idea with self consciousness (looking out for threats to the self). When you feel tense, you can choose to ignore the tense feeling which in turn won't draw attention to the inner feeling of being tense.


Im always starring people in the eyes very self consciousness to see if the notice my anxiety.. Can you comment on that?


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## Leopiero (Jun 24, 2015)

foooofoooo said:


> I'm a 14 years old .. And i haven't done anything with my life! Nothing that i could remember forever or something stupid .. I have no friends.. Never had a bf ..I hate my body, i have talents that has no use for me in this world, i'm in love with a guy that i'm pretty sure doesn't even love/like or even look at me,I'm not good at taking school tests.. I just don't get it .. I'm 57 kg and 1.54 cm tall .. I have breasts,you can little see small waist ,but i have no butt which looks so weird because i have huge thighs that can't fit into jeans and it look so disgusting i feel so disgusting i mean if i had something at least little thing behind i would be happy but no .. there is nothing it's all flat ! Whenever i go up in Weight the fat goes to my thighs and nowhere else .. just thighs not butt ! I know it's not the worlds first problemm but i just feel so sad because of all these things going into my life and getting oout .. I just feel so alone and so ugly ..


Hi fooofooo...i'm italian so sorry for my language...i wanted to tell you that you have not to worry about your body...if you have no boot it suffice you make exercises for that in order that you boot muscle get bigger...go to the gym and they will teach you how to do....for exemple for the boot it suffice that you push up your leg in a horse position...you have to push back your leg upwards...first one and then the other...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leopiero (Jun 24, 2015)

AndyLT said:


> Ok, my self-help CBT book teaches that the most important step in beating CBT is "experimenting" with dropping safety or avoidance behavior and observing what happens.
> 
> What if my safety behavior is thoughts? What if it's self-consciousness? I mean, I look tense/freaked because I over-think the idea of looking so. In other words, I try to protect myself from looking terrible by consciously monitoring my senses & body. Paradoxically, this inner spot-light is the source of looking bad.
> 
> ...


Hi andy...how has it gone with experimenting the drop of your safety beahaviours and chane focus attention?have you healed?i would be very interested in knowing the results of your therapy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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