# Counselor doesn't seem to understand



## rachelynn (Sep 12, 2008)

One reason I avoid library is because of the doors, they have an alarm system thing on them. What if it goes off? What if they think Im taking books out without checking them out? What if I look so nervous to them? What if I can't confront them? What if this, and that. 

My counselor told me, that if the alarm goes off, don't worry, everything is ok, and do you know what to do then? just go up to the desk and they'll check your books. You are an honest, good person.
She doesn't really get it. It's not the alarm itself that may cause me anxiety but the AFTER effects of it, dealing with people and what they will think or say and what I will do and how I can handle the situation. 

Going to a class. She tells me, well if you need to leave the room, go outside for a while, then go back in and if anyone asks just say you needed to get some fresh air for a moment or needed the bathroom or something. But what if I leave, what will people say or think of me then?? what if they stop me? what if they see me?
she says if anyone asks just tell them it's none of their business.

She doesn't really understand that its not the feeling of being trapped, and worry of a panic attack, but of PEOPLE, that is why I'd have anxiety. 

:blank


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## ecotec83 (Sep 7, 2009)

I can relate to your fear of those anti-theft devices. I also fear that one will go off and bring me into the center of attention. It actually did happen to me twice, i turned to go back to the cash but the clerk just waved and told me i could go, the other time the clerk just rescanned the item to disable the sensor chip. While i was nervous that someone would think i was a thief if just took on the frame of mind "why should i care what these other people think of me, the clerk waved me through so he/she knows i did nothing wrong and chances are i wont see any of these people again and if i do they wont remember me or know my name"

The leaving and coming back into class would be a major issue with me since everyone instinctively looks when a door opens. I always hated being late for class as it kind of made me the center of attention. While the counselor may be a bit misguided when it comes to your concerns her advice can still be of use, by leaving class and coming back in you are exposing yourself to your fears, exposure therapy can be helpful by getting you used to a situation that causes discomfort until it no longer bothers you . Also many people need to take a break during classes, to use the bathroom get some fresh air, stretch their legs or get a bite to eat. I don't think anyone will judge you because you left class for some fresh air most of them are to busy listening to the lesson or worrying about their own problems or what other people think of them to really care that someone left class for a bit.


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## kc1895 (Sep 4, 2009)

I used to remember people leaving during class and not coming back. They were sorta ditching, but a lot of people did that. If you leave your stuff there, I think people normally assume you're going to the bathroom.

In one class, the TA (a foreign guy) would glare at everybody who stood up to leave or hush students who were talking. He was really anal, but nobody payed attention to him. Usually when I have to leave for some reason, I do it quickly without making eye contact with anybody. It is better to sit in the back to avoid lookers if you're in a crowded room.


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

This is why therapists aren't supposed to give advice. You're trying to figure out why you feel the way you do, and she's just trying to give you solutions to each scenario. I'm not surprised you dont find that helpful.


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## chriswatch (Oct 6, 2010)

This time in college, the teacher handed out test scores, and the minute he turned his back, this guy jetted out the door. It was so funny. For some reason, I'd never seen anyone leave like that in college. A year later, I did the same thing, and never came back. I kept getting bad test scores and got fed up, so I dropped the class.


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

She seems a bit uneducated about CBT. If she knew what she was talking about, she would have told you that whenever you worry about what someone thinks (you usually make an assumption about what they think. its hard to detect. very automatic. For example, you don't ask yourself what people think when you step out of the room and say "oh, they probably thought I was just using the bathroom. no biggie." you tell yourself "they know I have anxiety and can tell I stepped out of the room because I looked so nervous."), FORCE yourself to think of the opposite, and then put the thought out of your head. You won't believe what you're telling yourself. Not for maybe a month. Do this to the best of your ability for at least a month and you might start to feel better. noone said getting over anxiety was easy...


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## King Moonracer (Oct 12, 2010)

I've been to 3 therapists. My secondnone was Siooooo rediculous.. She was like 80 and had her 6 month old grandson in the room.. I was so pissed .. The 3rd one was a huge bicth who thought my anxiety was there because she thought I went to school with a bunch of stupid farm kids.. So biased... It just wasn't meant to be for me to get help.


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

they practically hand out psyc degrees these days. don't give up though. keep looking and you're bound to find one that knows what they're talking about.


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## daytimedreamer (Jun 16, 2010)

I totally sympathize, rachelynn. My last therapist didn't think social anxiety was a problem at all. She just said "Everyone is a little nervous in social situations. It's not a big deal." and would never let me talk about it again. She didn't seem to understand that social anxiety is a problem that my entire life is built around.

I am also very concerned about what other people are thinking, even in situations where it's extremely unlikely that anyone is thinking about me at all. I can do little things that will make it a little better, but I think these kinds of things are so personal and what works for me might not work for you.

For example, if you are worried about the library beepers going off (for me, I worry about the alarms in shops), there are some things you can do to take the suspicion off of yourself. You can leave your bags at home so that there is nowhere for you to hide a book to steal. Then they will know that it is their fault for checking you out improperly or that the alarm is broken. Another thing you can do is make sure that you go through the gates while no one else is going through. That way, if someone else is stealing, you won't get pulled into the fray.

As for class, I have not really found a solution for that. That is one of my big "trigger" situations. I never went to college because of my anxiety and in high school, my attendance was... spotty. If I was even 30 seconds late, I just wouldn't go to class, because I couldn't stand the thought of everyone else being seated and ready to go when I walk into the room. Then everyone would turn to stare and there would be whispers and rumors... yeah. No. No thanks.


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