# Once you get it, do you then NEED it?



## Steve123 (Sep 13, 2009)

Often I hear people saying that they "NEED to get laid" and they seem to talk about sex as if its something like food. Now I'm a virgin (surprise surprise) and though I may have urges (and sometimes frustration) like any other mammal on the face of the planet, I never think of it as a need per se.

I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that I don't know what I'm missing. So I just thought I'd ask those who have done it, how much that it change your desire for it? Once you experience it does it become more of a need, something you HAVE to get on a regular basis? Would having done it in the past make celibacy harder to endure?


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## TheOutsider (Mar 4, 2010)

You're not missing out on much.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

^ Ditto.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'd say it probably just depends on the person. Probably due to habit and having had sex a lot of times, many people might feel that they have to have that closeness with someone else to feel validated. That's a pretty sorry way to live because one should never feel dependent on anyone else for their happiness. 

However, I think with those of use who are inexperienced at an advanced age (I'm a virgin), it'll be different. Since we didn't grow up wired and accustomed to having intimacy with another person (which is of course different than self-pleasure), I don't believe it would become a necessity. For myself, I believe that a few times having sex would be enough to satisfy me and then I could forget about it. I recall an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" in which Sara Gilbert's character has sex with Lester (even though they aren't really dating) and afterwards says something like "Okay, that'll hold me for another year." I kind of feel that way.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I don't think that it's really a need, just an indulgence/drug type thing. It's like if you're used to a coffee every morning, you'll probably start going bananas the morning you don't get it.


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## Sunshine009 (Sep 21, 2008)

People have different levels of drive. So no, you are at the level where you are normal and can control yourself where you don't feel you need it. Those that claim that they do need it, are already usually addicted to self-pleasure although they are not saying it, could be porn with it, and they are tired of it, now they want to move on to the real thing, only they just want to use the person. And not many women want that (men too), usually such people are a disease waiting to happen too. They are addicted to self-pleasure because they are not dealing with their other emotions like depression and anger and fear and jealousy in a way that is in a normal way. 

You sound normal. Don't think you are abnormal. Those that claim they need it, are abnormal, and they do not need it from another person. They have an addiction already. They are not more of a man or woman but more of a lowernatured person. It is natural to go through stages of having strong feelings though when you are younger, but usually they are tied into also not dealing with other emotions, and seeing sex as a cureall like a drug but it does not work. Those that say it does work? well do they ever stay with their parnter if they are using them for sex? no. They are talking about them like meat and they want to move onto other people. People should not talk about their intimate relationships with others in large groups to brag. They are disrespectful and loudmouths. Any woman or man that hears someone do this would be turned off from dating them.

Someone who has sex, and then feels they need it all the time like you mentioned, is someone who is using sex as an escape or got addicted to the sex in the relationship which is not good. If you are used to dealing with your emotions with commonsense like CBT and ACT, and spend time learning about what you would want in a relationship, man and woman differences, how to make a relationship last or better, then that is a useful.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

*Keep it clean.*


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

I think this is kind of true. Now that I know what it's like, even just affection like hugs and kisses, I really crave it. D: But you have to stay distracted from it because there's plenty of other good things to enjoy in life. Like cake.


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Amocholes said:


> *Keep it clean.*


Agreed. Always shower before having sex.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If you needed sex like you do food then you'd be dead by now 

If I was a virgin, I'm sure that'd be the only thing on my mind. My advice would be to go get some then your mind can shut up.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

If you don't need it after doing it then you probably didn't do it right.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Amocholes said:


> *Keep it clean.*


 oops. sorry


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

ohpewp said:


> I think this is kind of true. Now that I know what it's like, even just affection like hugs and kisses, I really crave it. D: But you have to stay distracted from it because there's plenty of other good things to enjoy in life. *Like cake.*


What about pie? I like pie.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

VanDamMan said:


> Agreed. Always shower before having sex.


Hahahaha!



counterfeit self said:


> What about pie? I like pie.


What kind? Cherry is nice.

Ahem. The sex drive can be very powerful indeed, whether you're a virgin or not. I think your desire is more likely to be decreased a bit after you "lose it," partly because the act loses its mystery. Some people have high libidos, some have lower.

Nobody NEEDS it, in the sense that you won't die if you don't get any. It's just very frustrating.


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## Louis (Jun 30, 2009)

its no big deal after you get it, actually regret my first time


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

You die if you don't get it. So yes it's a _need_ - _a life or death need_. That's why I'm counting my days, I know I'm on borrowed time.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That's all I've heard is that people keep wanting it.

They even look at me like they're going to laugh, and it makes me want to CUSS....and punch them in the stomach.

I figure that once you lose it, you can't get it back no matter what. It's like a constant try to get back to that first try. It'll never happen again. I say make the first time BIG and DON'T give it away.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I haven't had sex in almost a year, and I don't crave it.

I do sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, crave affection - hugs and kisses - as mentioned above. But sex? Nope.

Food never abandons you. Sex does. This is what I have learned. Bring onnnn the dessert.


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## izzy (Dec 18, 2009)

They're just exaggerating when they say they "need" to have sex.
Whether or not the desire becomes higher or lower depends on the person and the person he/she is with, I think.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

VanDamMan said:


> Agreed. Always shower before having sex.


*dumps bucket of cold water over VanDamMan*


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

It's a "need" for "release"? Go run! :lol


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

VanDamMan said:


> Agreed. Always shower before having sex.


:haha


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## STKinTHEmud (Jun 21, 2009)

I'm a virgin, but I have a pretty healthy sex drive. I want do-it-myself on average about once a day, and I feel that I NEED to DIY about twice a week. But I don't feel like I need to have sex. Rather, sometimes I feel a big craving for cuddling or simple contact with a woman.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

No, it doesn't make it harder. Only when I'm actually with someone can I miss it much. They were all not very keen or had significant self-confidence issues. It's much easier when single. I don't tend to miss anything in general, however, living and being content inside my own head.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

*Frustration!!*

No, obviously I don't _need_ it if we're comparing it to the basic needs that we need just to survive.....

But i want to make more of my life than mere survival.

I want the kind of sex I've not experienced yet. the kind where we both look into each other's eyes unafraid. where we are both naked - mind, body, and soul. I know, I know - many won't believe me, but sex is easy. There are many avenues for the obtaining of it. It can be lied for, persuaded, cajoled, preyed - vulnerable people are everywhere - it can be bought and sold, and not just in the places where love's just a job and nothing is said.

I'm not talking Vulcan Mind Meld, but meaningful sex, along with all the other stuff that's difficult.

That is what I want and yes, need. Nothing else will do. I am left wondering sometimes if I am just setting myself up for disappointment after disappointment after....
I also wonder if it's too late, too late now that I need so much concealer?
And is it some silly hollywood machine dream? I'm normally a hopeful sort of person, but lately....

As someone else pointed out, it's very frustrating. Particularly after a very long dry spell and you start to wonder if there's something wrong with you.

So, all of you - RUN! Save yourselves!! Never have sex, or at the very least, never have it again!!


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## NotRealName (Feb 28, 2010)

^ haha

The day I'm naked and with a girl and feel comfortable, that will be the day.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Blu said:


> Yeah, I crave affection more than having sex, too.


me too, but even better if i can get both at the same time.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I don't think you need it, but sometimes it would be really really nice to have it.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I don't NEED it in the way that if I am single I have to go out and hook up with guys.That gives me nothing at all.Seems like a lot of people find that rewarding for some reason.
I need to have feelings for the person and I need to feel comfortable around them..Being comfortable around someone is something that takes a lot of time for me,but when I am in a relationship and I have become comfortable around them I want sex on a regular basis.
It's something that brings you closer to that other person and it's usually a nice experience.I'm not sure if I've experienced that deep and meaningful sex since in the two relationships I've had(have) there has usually been something that's been missing,but that's another story.
But usually when I have been single or away from my boyfriend the thing that I crave the most isn't sex,but cuddling and being near someone.
I love that feeling of being close to someone and feel their arms around you..


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## atj409 (Mar 30, 2010)

I strongly feel that when sex is used as an end in itself it is wrong.
It should always be a side effect of love.



leonardess said:


> I want the kind of sex I've not experienced yet. the kind where we both look into each other's eyes unafraid. where we are both naked - mind, body, and soul.


I would never want or need any other kind


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## demian1 (Dec 11, 2006)

Steve123 said:


> Often I hear people saying that they "NEED to get laid" and they seem to talk about sex as if its something like food. Now I'm a virgin (surprise surprise) and though I may have urges (and sometimes frustration) like any other mammal on the face of the planet, I never think of it as a need per se.
> 
> I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that I don't know what I'm missing. So I just thought I'd ask those who have done it, how much that it change your desire for it? Once you experience it does it become more of a need, something you HAVE to get on a regular basis? Would having done it in the past make celibacy harder to endure?


LOL...sex is not a cigarette for the 2-pack/day lifetime smoker, nor is it the heroin for the junkie. It's way overrated, especially in the mind of a young, healthy SA-er. It's nice, especially if you have feelings for her. But you won't die until you have it again.


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## TheOutsider (Mar 4, 2010)

Once you get it, do you need it? No



Once its gone, do you want it?!?!?! YES!!!


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

VanDamMan said:


> Agreed. Always shower before having sex.


Lol, I love it.


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## lde22 (Oct 19, 2009)

I've heard that once you get laid you will want to have sex all the time. I'm a virgin so I don't know how true that is.

As far as if it is a need or not, I think it is a need. People need to have sex otherwise the human race would go extinct.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

It becomes another item on an ever-growing list of activities to take pleasure in. Nothing more, nothing less. There are times where I'd rather have a great cheeseburger than sex. There are times where sex trumps said burger. And there are times where I'd like both, possibly at the same time. Take all of this feedback with a grain of salt. What it will mean to you will be different than what it means to people replying to this thread. For example, the people saying you aren't missing much probably just had fumbling, inexperienced partners and therefore never got to enjoy it on the same level as the rest of us.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

I don't need it, but it would be nice to have it more often. I first had sex at 18 (though I've never had it regularly), and I'd say my drive has remained at about the same level in adulthood as it was when I was a teenager.


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## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

joinmartin said:


> "You die if you don't get it. So yes it's a need - a life or death need. That's why I'm counting my days, I know I'm on borrowed time."
> 
> Are you saying you die if you don't get sex? How? You pretty much die anyway, whether you get it or not. We are, after all, mortal beings. Unless we want to go into the after life stuff and spirituality which is a tad more complicated but if we stick to the whole mortal thing then we die whether we get sex or not. My father had sex in order to produce me. But I am not my father. When I have sex, I don't stop myself from dying by doing it.


I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

I think it depends on how stressed out you get at work.


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## Haydsmom2007 (Oct 16, 2009)

The more you have sex the more you want it (supposedly) so yes.


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## egghead (Apr 12, 2010)

I agree with the statement earlier in the thread that if you dont need it, you havent done it right.


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## Cheyko (Apr 23, 2010)

First of all sex is a biological need. Every living creature is designed to crave it for the purpose of producing offspring and continuing the species and blah blah blah.
Now on the humans, when two human beings have sex their brains release feel good hormones; just like when you eat; and this is because we are biologically hard wired to want sex. Once those hormones are released you're going to want it more to experience that 'high' again. Of course just like every other hormone there are issues involved in some people. Some people get too much of a 'high' off sex, and literally become addicted and others don't get any high at all and never develop a sex drive.
Normal people enjoy it, a lot, but don't go around needing it at every moment of their life. So after the first time do you want it again? Yeah, if you're like every other 'normal' human being and it wasn't a traumatic experience (which means you were also at a mental maturity to handle it), but do you necessarily crave it? Depends on how happy other things in life make you I guess. If nothing but sex forces your brain to release those hormones then you just might crave it for that high again.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

My drive appears to be normal, but I still do not need it. As proof, I have shared a bed with my ex a few times since breaking up and did not allow anything to happen, despite still enjoying physical contact with her. I still seek hugs, and we will lie down holding each other. Being closer would be nice, but we know it isn't the right time for us. If I could not handle the temptation, I would refrain from these behaviours. For me, actual need comes into it only for particular people at particular times; it's not generalised.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

egghead said:


> I agree with the statement earlier in the thread that if you dont need it, you havent done it right.


 :yes


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

egghead said:


> I agree with the statement earlier in the thread that if you dont need it, you havent done it right.


:no


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## JinxosGirl (May 8, 2010)

When I was a virgin and didn't experience it, I couldn't care less about it and didn't see the big deal.
AFTERWARDS, when I was in a few relationships, I liked it and wanted it.
Now that I'm with my b/f who is amazing at it...I NEED it like a freakin' drug, lol!
It's like nothing you'd ever experience once you do it the way God intended.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

Perfectionist said:


> I do sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, crave affection - hugs and kisses - as mentioned above. But sex? Nope.
> 
> Food never abandons you. Sex does. This is what I have learned. Bring onnnn the dessert.


Food and sex affect the pleasure centres in the brain so I understand why everyone is comparing food to sex.

I miss affection alot too. No hugs in 4 years. I think that I am due for some.

Yes, I think about sex, but this is more likely when I start to care about someone.


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## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

If you have bad sex, you probably won't really crave it later

But if you have good sex... especially if you have someone to have it with regularly... you will crave it like a drug.


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## cv2010 (May 6, 2010)

I do,you just get the urge.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I do miss the sex but I miss being with someone I care about/cares about me more.


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## caflme (Jun 7, 2009)

If I am not in a relationship or not with someone I feel really intimate and connected to it's not a need, it's a want but not a half to have by any means... but when I am with someone that I really love and am intimate and connected with, feel safe with and trust and it is mutual... then it shifts to being a really strong need.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yes, part of Maslows Hiearchy of Needs.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

I need non-sexual physical contact much more.


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## Hiro (Apr 10, 2010)

joinmartin said:


> "You die if you don't get it. So yes it's a need - a life or death need. That's why I'm counting my days, I know I'm on borrowed time."
> 
> Are you saying you die if you don't get sex? How? You pretty much die anyway, whether you get it or not. We are, after all, mortal beings. Unless we want to go into the after life stuff and spirituality which is a tad more complicated but if we stick to the whole mortal thing then we die whether we get sex or not. My father had sex in order to produce me. But I am not my father. When I have sex, I don't stop myself from dying by doing it.


I think he's speaking in evolutionary terms. ie the death of your genes.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

I would say that as far as sexual need goes, a partner is a luxury rather than a necessity. Nobody needs a partner. Learning to live that way is not necessarily always easy or fun but it's not that hard.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I kind of assumed it's masked bragging when people whine about not getting it recently. An acquaintance once told me "man I haven't gotten laid in almost 2 weeks now." I looked at him like :roll


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## AliBaba (Nov 16, 2005)

Luckily, as mental patients, we all have access to any number of psychiatric medications that can completely destroy our libidos and/or ability to achieve orgasm.



SAgirl said:


> Food and sex affect the pleasure centres in the brain so I understand why everyone is comparing food to sex.


There are sickos out there who COMBINE food & sex:


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

theres still alot of work to be done on yourself as a person once you get it


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## GnR (Sep 25, 2009)

Yes. Sorta. Today I can barely think straight, but for me it comes and goes (no pun intended).


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## drealm (Jul 7, 2009)

joinmartin said:


> "You die if you don't get it. So yes it's a need - a life or death need. That's why I'm counting my days, I know I'm on borrowed time."
> 
> *Are you saying you die if you don't get sex? How? You pretty much die anyway, whether you get it or not. We are, after all, mortal beings. Unless we want to go into the after life stuff and spirituality which is a tad more complicated but if we stick to the whole mortal thing then we die whether we get sex or not. My father had sex in order to produce me. But I am not my father. When I have sex, I don't stop myself from dying by doing it.*


How many 90, 80, 70, 60 year old virgins do you see?

That's right. They're all dead.


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## fluidglide (Mar 1, 2009)

*reply*

"""So I just thought I'd ask those who have done it, how much that it change your desire for it? Once you experience it does it become more of a need, something you HAVE to get on a regular basis? Would having done it in the past make celibacy harder to endure?"""

after i had sex for the first time, my desire for sex actually increase. i felt my emotional desire for sex decreasing but a physical need to have sex increased.

once i experienced it, it did feel at some point like something i needed. i wanted it physically really bad every day.

don't know how to answer the last question.


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