# Online dating is THE worst place to meet women as a guy



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

**_(Before we start, this is NOT a gender-bashing thread!)_**

Online dating is THE worst place to meet women as a guy. Let's be honest here, online dating swings way too far in favor toward women to even consider reasonable, and I say that respectively and modestly. It's probably the most over-rated functions a man could put himself through with regard to meeting women and hopefully more guys catch on to it dump it once and for all. In fact, I'd say online in general is a bad place for first impressions and your far better off in the real world.

"And that's all I have to say about thaaaaaat" - Forrest Gump


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## wolfpackofone (Aug 17, 2011)

This is funny because I always thought it was unfair that there were so many beautiful women on dating sites and too many creepy men.


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## Dead Leaves (Aug 20, 2011)

Uh, creepy man here. Super offended.


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## wolfpackofone (Aug 17, 2011)

number one give away, real creepy men don't know they're creepy...


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

"wolfpackofone"--You're new to the forum, so you might want to be careful about throwing around the word "creepy" in reference to guys. That's kind of a word that all us marginalized men fear. I know that I have to say this myself, as the moderators don't give a damn when something insensitive is said about men. 

As for online dating being awful, I haven't given it enough of a chance to say one way or the other. I have never sent a real message, but I'm not hopeful of success. On the other hand, I'm unable to go up to a strange woman in public because that will breed an assumption of social competence in the other person, something I definitely don't have.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

Online dating sites that tease men with hot ads of women and prospects of landing one being super extremely high but instead its false advertisement, are the worst places for men to date online. Know a person before hand through chat rooms, and if you start chatting on MSN or whatever, try to carry it over to the phone. And then try to see if you're willing to commit to a long distance relationship. If one of us doesn't commit, the relationship isn't gonna go anywhere.


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## this portrait (Jul 18, 2009)

Online dating is, in my opinion, also one of the worst places for women to meet men. Not because there are too many "creeps," though (however I have encountered a pervert or two on dating sites before), but because it's just so impersonal, and you're stuck judging people based on the most superficial garbage. You just don't get much of a perspective of what a person is like that you do in person first.

So yeah, I think it's a bad way for either gender to meet one another.


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

I understand the OP didn't mean to start any more gender debates on here, but I see it coming.


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## wolfpackofone (Aug 17, 2011)

oh don't mind me i'm just bitter.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

This is true. Especially because averaging looking girls get their ego stroked by desperate guys so they have an inflated smugness about them. Some of their "requirements" or "preferences" are ridiculous. If they didn't have a profile picture you would have figured they are a victoria's secret model with all their demands.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

laura024 said:


> I understand the OP didn't mean to start any more gender debates on here, but I see it coming.


god forbid, how ever will you survive if it does :lol


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

anomalous said:


> god forbid, how ever will you survive if it does :lol


I'm just saying that it's annoying when threads on SAS turn into sexist banter. I'll shut up and let the thread take its course.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

laura024 said:


> I'm just saying that it's annoying when threads on SAS turn into sexist banter. I'll shut up and let the thread take its course.


Most of the time it is a civil debate that gets locked because the moderators love to 'exercise' their power to closed down threads. When it becomes an ugly rant back and forth I understand but most of the time it's not.opcorn


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## wolfpackofone (Aug 17, 2011)

jamesd said:


> This is true. Especially because averaging looking girls get their ego stroked by desperate guys so they have an inflated smugness about them. Some of their "requirements" or "preferences" are ridiculous. If they didn't have a profile picture you would have figured they are a victoria's secret model with all their demands.


Yeah see, internet dating sites are evil. They make us bitter and frustrated, whether you're a man or woman. Darn things. I tried one recently for the second time and you just get left feeling very exposed. I find it strange to say this, but if I had to choose I'd rather meet someone the regular old fashion way, no matter how nerve-racking it is. (kind of feel nauseous just thinking about it.)


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

bwidger85 said:


> **_(Before we start, this is NOT a gender-bashing thread!)_**
> 
> Online dating is THE worst place to meet women as a guy. Let's be honest here, online dating swings way too far in favor toward women to even consider reasonable, and I say that respectively and modestly. It's probably the most over-rated functions a man could put himself through with regard to meeting women and hopefully more guys catch on to it dump it once and for all. In fact, I'd say online in general is a bad place for first impressions and your far better off in the real world.
> 
> "And that's all I have to say about thaaaaaat" - Forrest Gump


Dating in general is HARD. Online dating is difficult as well. How does one expect to show their full potential in a few paragraphs and a few number of the best pictures of themselves? Even if you make it to that first date, you still have about 2 hours to make someone interested in you, and you STILL cannot show your full potential in this amount of time. You are just hoping there is some spark to get more time.

First impressions are even worse in person as people are sometimes unaware of the body language they display. It IS easier to reject someone online, but the ways one can be rejected in person can be far worse on the psyche.

There may be more women on dating sites, but these women still have to find someone to date, but it doesn't have to be from online just because their on the site.

Some people work constantly and really don't have time to go out and meet people. Online dating could be their only source of opportunity for that. You can have SAD or SA or shyness, and have online dating your only means of meeting people as well.

I think it's not going to work well when ANYONE uses ONLY online dating as a source for the procurement of dates and meeting people and the like.


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## jamesd (Feb 17, 2011)

wolfpackofone said:


> Yeah see, internet dating sites are evil. They make us bitter and frustrated, whether you're a man or woman. Darn things. I tried one recently for the second time and you just get left feeling very exposed. I find it strange to say this, but if I had to choose I'd rather meet someone the regular old fashion way, no matter how nerve-racking it is. (kind of feel nauseous just thinking about it.)


I have used dating sites in the past just to get over a slump. Nothing serious but trying to get laid when I didn't feel up for hitting the bars. Now I realize a real life connection is much more satisfying. For some reason it just feels artificial and forced, online dating I mean. Sucks to be a lovelorn in the time and age of the internet.


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## bittertaste (Jul 2, 2011)

I thought you were going to say "Because women on dating sites are psychopaths and/or always overweight." I am disapoint.

I have been thinking about dating sites lately, but I have no interest in a long-distance online relationship, and would want to meet in person as soon as possible if I ever tried it. I would still rather date someone I met in meatspace first, but some of us make better first impressions on the internet. Not that I am one of those people.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

there are lots and lots of trolls there
guy trolls
who pretend to be hot girls, and reject other guys
they get their kick out of it


Why U no can understand it!?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ah heck, what do I know? Dating is fraught with uncertainty anyway...eh :stu and im an idiot too btw


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

I disagree, I think the worst place to meet women is randomly out in public. 

The best place IMO is through friends of friends, work, or doing things as part of an activity or club you enjoy, where it's likely you'll interact or meet someone with common interests.

Where online dating has it's advantages, is that at least most of the women on there are 1) Available 2) Interested in Dating. The majority of women I come across in day to day life are usually either not single, or not interested in a relationship (more often friendship).


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

wolfpackofone said:


> number one give away, real creepy men don't know they're creepy...


Dammit! And I try so hard not to be creepy


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## Matt J (Oct 19, 2006)

Best way to meet women, is, im told, by talking to them...

I know, sux doesn't it.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Yeah I come to the conclusion that I'm viewed as a creep. I just message girls trying to start a conversation about something they listed on their profile and I get ignored, likely because they think I'm creepy. Granted I really suck at having a conversation but man. Ever thought to yourself that because you didn't try, you overvalue your abilities until you actually try and find out you completely suck? That's the case for me.


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## spaceygirl (Dec 4, 2009)

dating and relationships are over-rated, no matter how they get started. although, this is coming from a person who actually misses the single life. grass is always greener i guess...


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## VIncymon (Apr 16, 2009)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> Yeah I come to the conclusion that I'm viewed as a creep. I just message girls trying to start a conversation about something they listed on their profile and I get ignored, likely because they think I'm creepy. Granted I really suck at having a conversation but man. Ever thought to yourself that because you didn't try, you overvalue your abilities until you actually try and find out you completely suck? That's the case for me.


Thus only proving the point that constant use of dating sites, doesn't help a man's SA, nor his confidence .


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

I mean it has to be that for some reason, I'm giving off some creep vibe when I'm just trying to find a woman who I can relate to. I figure that if it something that truly interests them, they would reply back. But nothing. They must be seeing something in me that must either be 1. creepy 2. hideous 3. so flawed. I been completely myself yet it's nothing that interests any woman. Well I couldn't say that, I did get some interest from someone I met a long time ago. But she's not the one, she's a serial dater. 

I mean I been kinda conservative, merely trying to strike a conversation. But even people who have direct common interests, it's like no response or the responses come initially and then fade away after 2 messages. They check out my profile and guess see something they really don't like, even though the lifestyle choices are similar. Then there was some girl I got her number we talked and out of the blue, she deleted her profile. Not like I said anything to her after that, but man it's disheartening.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

Dating sites for men is like a wheel for a hamster. Lots of spinning your wheel but it gets you nowhere. I find most on dating sites are too judgmental or unrealistic for my taste.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

> Some of their "requirements" or "preferences" are ridiculous.


People always have these preferences and requirements. They just don't put them down on paper. Check out any of the threads on such things as turn ons/turn offs or what women want. You also don't get a list of the other person's details and a snapshot of their personality in real life to apply your preferences to instantly. It just happens faster online. Most people will easily date outside their preferences and make exceptions. It just depends how you approach them and if you impress them some other way. Very few people spend most of their time in a relationship with someone that has even half the characteristics they'd list as ideal.


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## Cole87 (Aug 15, 2011)

Your right about that. Guys have no chance of finding Women on online dating, no matter the info you list or the pictures. Women have the better luck with that even if the guy is a "nut job" your still getting noticed, even if sometimes its because of the way you look but its something. I had joined a site like that ones and after a month no one had looked at my profile and I had info about myself and want I liked and a picture ?! I don't even try sites like that anymore.


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## Decrement (Aug 23, 2011)

wolfpackofone said:


> This is funny because I always thought it was unfair that there were so many men pretending to be beautiful women on dating sites and too many creepy men.


Fixed


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## Wacky Wednesdays (Apr 10, 2011)

this portrait said:


> Online dating is, in my opinion, also one of the worst places for women to meet men. Not because there are too many "creeps," though (however I have encountered a pervert or two on dating sites before), but* because it's just so impersonal, and you're stuck judging people based on the most superficial garbage*. You just don't get much of a perspective of what a person is like that you do in person first.
> 
> So yeah, I think it's a bad way for either gender to meet one another.


That sums it up nicely!


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

It's only the worst place if you're lazy or just flat out stupid. No offense, but I'm sure plenty of people on this site took 4 minutes to create their profile and now come and ***** about how no one is contacting them.

I've had hundreds of messages and 10+ dates in the couple months I've been using online dating sites. My profile is very descriptive, well organized, casually funny, and unique.

If you use the word "Fun Loving" anywhere in your profile you're the type of person I'm talking about.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Xeros said:


> It's only the worst place if you're lazy or just flat out stupid. No offense, but I'm sure plenty of people on this site took 4 minutes to create their profile and now come and ***** about how no one is contacting them.
> 
> I've had hundreds of messages and 10+ dates in the couple months I've been using online dating sites. My profile is very descriptive, well organized, casually funny, and unique.


Or, you know, it could be because you're better-looking and have a more interesting life than some of us? Just maybe?

No offense, but I remember your thread about your "fall from grace" after HS and subsequent recovery. I'm not trying to diminish your struggles, but come on; you know your experience and past makes you a lot more attractive to many girls than those of us who have been unsocial losers since our heads popped out of the womb.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Xeros said:


> It's only the worst place if you're lazy or just flat out stupid. No offense, but I'm sure plenty of people on this site took 4 minutes to create their profile and now come and ***** about how no one is contacting them.
> 
> I've had hundreds of messages and 10+ dates in the couple months I've been using online dating sites. My profile is very descriptive, well organized, casually funny, and unique.
> 
> If you use the word "Fun Loving" anywhere in your profile you're the type of person I'm talking about.


Me, lazy or stupid? Naw. My profile has been commented on plenty of times for it's long description and genuineness, so I don't think it's that. The only thing that probably separates your success and my failure is the fact that when you send messages - as I've read from your previous thread - you send super thought out and complex messages. Me, on the other hand, do not for reasons of time consumption. I can also point out certain things in their profiles and ask them about it (I do often) and still not get responded to.

Maybe it's the site yo u use or maybe it's because your so darn pretty, but it definitely ain't the fact over a profile description. One thing about me is that I will not sing and dance for every girl I know simply because I personally feel it is just unfair considering the amount of effort we have to put in anyway. I will comment on their profile or ask simple questions and if they don't respond to hell with them, and the reason they typically DON'T respond is because they have an influx of messages! It has nothing to do with my "normal" message sent nor my profile. This is why I feel it is unfair online and better in real life. I'm not going to sing and dance and put my balls on the table for every girl to decide to smash them or not from the get-go. I'll put more effort in when I at least get a response and she shows some attempt to respond. My profile is good enough and I have enough pictures and my messages aren't too crappy. This is why I don't like online because it's way too impersonal and one-sided, even more so than real life.

I've read what you do and it sounds like a lot of energy for messages in my opinion, and in my mind it's totally unfair. I remember a couple girls from this site complaining about getting simple messages - they have no idea. They have influx verses a guy who has to write an epic message to even be considered. That's pathetic and I opt out of it for that.

It's like college - the more diplomas they spit out the less of value a graduate is and the higher the education requirements must be. I hate college for that and I hate online dating sites for that as well. I opt out and will take another route.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I got lots of messages from women- when I said I was a rich banker. I got a lot when I had the blond male model pic too. But that rich banker did well - and he was UGLY. I picked just about the ugliest pic of a guy in a suit I could find.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I just don't like it. I've thought long and hard about it for years and I'm tired of thinking about it when there are probably easier and fairer ways for me, at least I feel.

If it works for other people, great! If it works well for women then great too! It just doesn't work for me...


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

I've never used a dating site, but I have given out my picture through random girls on omegle and sometimes they give me their MSN address in return. Some girls I've met on omegle have called me cute and even "gorgeous", which just proves that anyone can look good in a picture if you get the lighting and angles just right.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Yeah i gave up with online dating too, its just too frustrating for normal guys.

I would have to send out 20+ messages before i would get one reply, and those that did reply would expect you to do all the talking and make all the effort. Some would just suddenly 'disappear' from msn. And the girls i did end up meeting almost always turned out to be nothing like how they came across online. And the few i got messaged by i wasnt interested in.

If your a tall, good-looking rich guy, you will probably do well with online dating. For other guys you might aswell forget it.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

It's a bit like finding a needle in a haystack, but as someone else mentioned unless you're part of the social circle ones options are otherwise limited. Most girls that i have been remotely interested in before have had boyfriends. I guess one can try to befriend those ones and look to exploit weaknesses in their relationship. At least some of my former girlfriends have been stolen from me by that approach. There is meeting girls in bars i guess but that's quite hard to pull off, especially when you have SA.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

this portrait said:


> Online dating is, in my opinion, also one of the worst places for women to meet men. Not because there are too many "creeps," though (however I have encountered a pervert or two on dating sites before), but because it's just so impersonal, and you're stuck judging people based on the most superficial garbage. You just don't get much of a perspective of what a person is like that you do in person first.
> 
> So yeah,* I think it's a bad way for either gender to meet one another*.


I agree.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

CrashMedicate said:


> Yeah I agree. I wouldn't waste time on a dating site again. I think it would actually be easier to work up the courage to approach someone than monotonously send out hundreds of personalized messages that don't get responded to.


I'm in the process of doing that and finding out. So far it has been MUCH better than online. If your interested, read my blogs.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

Where have you been approaching people bwidger?

I've never tried online dating and I suck at meeting women at all but I still feel like it'd be easier to meet girls in real life. You know straight away whether there's gonna be anything there or not.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Paragon said:


> You know straight away whether there's gonna be anything there or not.


Yeah, that's why I like it. Plus less competition unlike a dating site. It has been my goal to meet them wherever I can and stretch some personal boundaries of mine.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

I think it's better for me, 'cause otherwise guys would never talk to me and I'd never get the courage to talk to them. I see my profile as them getting to know me a little, something they wouldn't do in person. More guys talk to be online than is person.

It feels harder in real life. I get so exhausted interacting with people. It saves me some of the leg work.

I assume a guys didn't reply to my message because he didn't find me attractive or didn't like what I said in my profile. Sometimes not replying to say you're not interested is better than replying that you aren't interested. I've had guys be mead to me when I told them I wasn't interested, so I just try not to reply at all if I don't want to talk to them. Starting a random conversation isn't creepy...now asking for a booty call at 2 am from someone whose profile you clicked on seconds ago...or asking if someone likes to be urinated on...not that's creepy.

I don't like long messages, I just want to know whether or not the guy that just viewed my profiles likes me. That's all I need to know. If there is something I think he should have said, I'll ask him in my reply...start a conversation.

I don't know about other women, but I'm having no luck...or maybe I'm too picky. I haven't like any of the guys that have sent me messages lately. Even if we end up going on a date in real life, nothing sticks, so I still consider myself unlucky. I don't think women have it better...maybe really beautiful women/guys do, but they do have their pick in real life as well.

I think online dating will always be a better option for me, until I conquer my fear of talking to strangers. I'm just not courageous enough for real life. I'm not brave enough to be straight forward. Online I can just get to the point without feeling embarrassed.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I lucked out on a dating site. But yes, it is quite difficult to get something going even on there.
I am extremely unwilling to message someone first, so it was kind of fortunate that I received a couple or so messages and it seemed to work. Else, my profile doesn't even get a look most of the time. It gets like, 1 visitor in 2-3 months if I'm lucky. I don't really mind right now, since I am not single, but it is going to be pretty demoralizing if/when I need to look again...

Also, I conducted that experiment people have mentioned on here before. Created a female profile, put a picture of a bouquet on it, and added a 1-line introduction (Hi I'm a girl looking to date..). The results were.... predictable.


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## Salus (Feb 27, 2011)

I guess its how you meet them online. If you're paying $4.99 a minute to see her live on webcam I must say you're on the wrong site to be "meeting" women..

It's hard for both genders.. women are hoping to meet a nice bloke thats not a creep and men want to meet women that are sexy.. aint much of either of these types online


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

I like online dating for one reason. It brought me back to the realization that I wasn't the sexiest, suavist beast alive. I quit even looking at women for ****s and giggles online about 6 months ago. What's the point? I have been in a half *** relationship with somebody for almost a decade anyways. But it's fun to see what's out there at times. We swing :lol


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Oh NO!!!!! Are you suggesting that it is better to go find a woman in real life, at say a book store or a class, rather than searching through pictures of them online and sending them a message?! I'm absolutely astonished by this incredible idea - you mean people actually meet people in real life first before looking them up online!? How could you possibly get to know someone without reading their dating profile first!? What sort of a world do we live in!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Oh NO!!!!! Are you suggesting that it is better to go find a woman in real life, at say a book store or a class, rather than searching through pictures of them online and sending them a message?! I'm absolutely astonished by this incredible idea - you mean people actually meet people in real life first before looking them up online!? How could you possibly get to know someone without reading their dating profile first!? What sort of a world do we live in!


Wait....

Are you being sarcastic?


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> Wait....
> 
> Are you being sarcastic?


Yeah sorry. Rough day, so I was being a dick. Totally unnecessary to be so rude about it.

But my point still stands - online dating is not necessarily the best place to meet women. Men outnumber women, and you don't really get a chance to sell yourself like you would in person. Not to mention it seems foolish to me to cut out so many women just by saying you don't likethe same music or whatever, when you meet someone in real life first you get a chance to see if the chemistry is there before you worry about how much you are alike or not alike.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

I guess I like it better 'cause I suck at talking. I could never sell myself in person, I just don't interact that well. I need to get their attention.

I don't really pay too much attention to music taste and such. I usually at whether or not they have children, smoke, do drugs, like clubbing and partying, are religious, and the kind of relationship they're looking for. I use OkCupid. Does anyone else use that? I like the site.


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## Wall of Red (Jun 24, 2011)

I have been using online dating for the past 4 years or so now and during that time I have met around 26 women. Out of the one I wanted to meet again though only 2 met me for 2nd dates and even those quickly fizzled out. It can be a very frustrating process on the whole what with the huge number of messages you need to send out and the rubbish you have to put up with.

The main sites I use are plenty of fish, OkCupid, FreeDating (UK only site I think) and Match. If anyone is interested I review these sites on my youtube channel www.youtube.com/user/DawsonSpeaks85


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

nemesis1 said:


> If your a tall, good-looking rich guy, you will probably do well with online dating.


The funny thing is that most of these guys you describe wouldn't even consider using online dating because they are already successful with women IRL. If they did they would use it as a joke.

As for the OP, yeah I agree. Although in most cases, the guys that use online dating already struggle with women IRL, so it's not as if they have much options anyway. I don't even use online dating because I don't even think I would be successful at it either.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

On a side note. I better delete before people ask me who lol.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Akane said:


> Most people will easily date outside their preferences and make exceptions. It just depends how you approach them and if you impress them some other way. Very few people spend most of their time in a relationship with someone that has even half the characteristics they'd list as ideal.


And, of course, online dating profiles change that. Both parties do not take that into consideration. It's all based on these paragraphs and messages exchanged that fade into nothing, when in the end I bet there so many people that probably would like to meet at some point, get together and, heck, maybe go to a bar, get drunk and go screw! The lack of bodily expression and visual cues totally ruuunes it. So many profiles seem to be written in response to previous relationships, whether their own or someone elses, or just the very idea of something and not even based in real life experiences (as in the lazy boyfriend portrayed in movies with no job, sitting around like Owen Wilson or something). It's not very easy to be impressive online, especially if you are just a boring socially anxious person. I think it's important to meet the person you are messaging with as soon as possible as to get it out of the way and see if it can become anything. I'll also add that I used to go on these sites and I did have girls that were into me. Some even just wanted to have sex, or at least one pretty much was open about just being into sex. I was always just too shy, and the ones I did meet didn't work out for different reasons. I have a girlfriend I met in everyday life now so I am biased towards that.

I just look back at my years on personals sites and see how many times I could have done it and it sucks. There were some cool and good looking girls! Some of them are hanging around this area.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I met my current gf off this site, then in real life =) Is that considered online dating? Or are you just talking about pure dating sites?


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

I think that's more the same as just meeting someone in every day life Dr House... unless you browse internet forums specifically looking for a partner lol. Dating websites are the online equivalent of going to a bar I guess.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Brightpaperwarewolf said:


> I mean it has to be that for some reason, I'm giving off some creep vibe when I'm just trying to find a woman who I can relate to. I figure that if it something that truly interests them, they would reply back. But nothing. They must be seeing something in me that must either be 1. creepy 2. hideous 3. so flawed. I been completely myself yet it's nothing that interests any woman. Well I couldn't say that, I did get some interest from someone I met a long time ago. But she's not the one, she's a serial dater.
> 
> I mean I been kinda conservative, merely trying to strike a conversation. But even people who have direct common interests, it's like no response or the responses come initially and then fade away after 2 messages. They check out my profile and guess see something they really don't like, even though the lifestyle choices are similar. Then there was some girl I got her number we talked and out of the blue, she deleted her profile. Not like I said anything to her after that, but man it's disheartening.


Maybe they don't think you are a creep - just that you don't have any physical attraction or enough in common to respond. Or maybe they just signed up for the site and haven't used it much.

I really do NOT think that online dating is a good idea who suffer from severe or untreated SA.

Hell, I'm a functional person with SA and I wont do the online dating thing.


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## Xeros (Oct 19, 2006)

I know I've already posted my thoughts, but I just want to again vouch for online dating. I met my last two girlfriends through two different sites. I just officially asked out my current girlfriend last night and couldn't be happier.

I get a fair amount of messages out of the blue, but my current girlfriend would have never messaged me if I didn't first. You have the break the ice, seem interesting, and leave her to respond. Don't ever ever ever repeatedly message her. There should never be 4 of your messages, between two of hers. That's too much and makes you seem too eager.

If a girl who would like you in person is on the same site as you, you'll find her. The key word there being you. Girls don't do near as much work as they probably could, but they don't need to. You have to go to them. 

And don't just wait for Ms. 100% perfect. Each and every girl you find at least a little bit interesting/attractive should get a message from you. Start as many conversations as possible and (nicely and respectfully) weed out those who aren't your type and hopefully you end with one left who you can go further with.


I know it's easier said than done, but I know 100% that if everyone here put a solid couple months or maybe a bit more they would find someone. Maybe not their soul mate, but someone they can at least have fun with. But you really have to try. As in instead of sitting on your *** watching TV, you should be browsing profiles and composing personal messages. 

Call it pathetic if you want, but I spent hours on these sites talking to various people. Seems like a lot, but if you're intentions are what they should be it should be fun. Talking to all those people is at least interesting, and there should be a couple of people who you really love seeing a message from.


Do 6+ hours a week at least for at least a month and tell me you don't have a few dates. I don't believe it's possible unless you have an obvious disability (which pretty much no one here has).


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

OldSchoolSkater said:


> Maybe they don't think you are a creep - just that you don't have any physical attraction or enough in common to respond. Or maybe they just signed up for the site and haven't used it much.
> 
> I really do NOT think that online dating is a good idea who suffer from severe or untreated SA.
> 
> Hell, I'm a functional person with SA and I wont do the online dating thing.


I don't like to brag but I feel I'm a pretty attractive person, at least an 8 or 9. Yeah, I don't have much in common with anyone though.

I mean I had success in the past, but I can't put my finger on what's wrong with me. I'm only aiming for those that match interests, not even about attraction. Yet nothing works. At least I got some last week from someone who I dated in the past, but she's using me.

I can't even find a person who genuinely likes me. I'm just real sad man.


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## Propaganda (Oct 26, 2010)

I've met IRL two girls from a dating website. The first one was too young for me and we had nothing in chemistry. Then the second one called me a creep after a week, rightfully so. (long story, not worth it) Then I am about to meet a 3rd person.

All and all, for me, it's entertainment and if I look at it much differently from that perspective then it's a huge waste of time compared to going to social events or making friends and meeting a mate through friends. 

If I lived in a well populated area then online dating would be a valuable tool for meeting similar people without the huge bar tab and chest puffing around town.

But, it's all how a person handles rejection and humiliation. Dozens of well crafted messages go unreplied and many hours tweaking a profile seem futile at best. 

Personally online dating, mostly the profile setup, is extremely difficult because I am a silly complex person amoung other aspects.... blah blah blah


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

I think its the opposte. Its worst when ur a girl trying to meet a guy becuse most idiots that are on a dating site only want sex and are perves. 

i get where ur going though.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

yes it could be you still got to meet them in life or its not gonna be like 
you expect. lol like they say women rule the world and decide how it goes down.


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## Nessy (Mar 3, 2011)

Its not that bad, met both my ex and my current gf on datingsites


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> I know I've already posted my thoughts, but I just want to again vouch for online dating. I met my last two girlfriends through two different sites. I just officially asked out my current girlfriend last night and couldn't be happier.I get a fair amount of messages out of the blue, but my current girlfriend would have never messaged me if I didn't first. You have the break the ice, seem interesting, and leave her to respond. Don't ever ever ever repeatedly message her. There should never be 4 of your messages, between two of hers. That's too much and makes you seem too eager.If a girl who would like you in person is on the same site as you, you'll find her. The key word there being you. Girls don't do near as much work as they probably could, but they don't need to. You have to go to them. And don't just wait for Ms. 100% perfect. Each and every girl you find at least a little bit interesting/attractive should get a message from you. Start as many conversations as possible and (nicely and respectfully) weed out those who aren't your type and hopefully you end with one left who you can go further with.I know it's easier said than done, but I know 100% that if everyone here put a solid couple months or maybe a bit more they would find someone. Maybe not their soul mate, but someone they can at least have fun with. But you really have to try. As in instead of sitting on your *** watching TV, you should be browsing profiles and composing personal messages. Call it pathetic if you want, but I spent hours on these sites talking to various people. Seems like a lot, but if you're intentions are what they should be it should be fun. Talking to all those people is at least interesting, and there should be a couple of people who you really love seeing a message from.Do 6+ hours a week at least for at least a month and tell me you don't have a few dates. I don't believe it's possible unless you have an obvious disability (which pretty much no one here has).


You should be a paid advertiser for those dating sites lol


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Uh, got about 3 dates from online dating, one developed in a short relationship. How is it worse than real life? I tried flirting with a few girls IRL, but they probably just thought I was being a creepy-*** lunatic. The worst part is if she sends you a message or interest notification or what have you, you send a few mails back and forth and all of a sudden it's silent on the other end, while she still has you added as a favorite.
Meh, starting to think it's all one goddamn waste of money.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

How many messages do you typically have to send out before you get one to actually date you? For me, it was way too many in my mind - literally over 50 sometimes. Personally, my dating success in person seems much better, but to each his/her own, and I realize I jumped the assumption-gun heavily on this thread btw.

Like I said though, it's probably my "not-so-good messages" I sent out...I just don't like feeling like I have to jump through so many hoops just to get my foot in the door, which may be my downfall ultimately. I'm not that freakin' lame. Once again, some other experiences may of been different for you but it was typical online stuff for me.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> How many messages do you typically have to send out before you get one to actually date you? For me, it was way too many in my mind - literally over 50 sometimes. Personally, my dating success in person seems much better, but to each his/her own, and I realize I jumped the assumption-gun heavily on this thread btw.
> 
> Like I said though, it's probably my "not-so-good messages" I sent out...I just don't like feeling like I have to jump through so many hoops just to get my foot in the door, which may be my downfall ultimately. I'm not that freakin' lame. Once again, some other experiences may of been different for you but it was typical online stuff for me.


Assuming that was directed at me. I'm kind of selective to whom I send messages. If a girl has similiar interests or makes me smile in some other way, i'll send her a message. If she shows interest first by winks/sharing pics, whatever, i'll message her if the profile (and i'm not gonna lie, to a certain degree the photo too) seems appealing, i'll message her. I mean, she already has shown interest in me, right? All in all, from the +/- 100 women who showed an interest in me on dating sites in the past 6 months, i've replied to about 20 of them, and two actually send me an email first. One of them I actually dated, the other, last week, never replied back. Guess my reply was just bland to her or something, I dunno.

Messages I send out myself are probably around 15 or so? :b I got a response to about 7 of those, 3 members I wrote appeared to no longer be active by the time I messaged them, and the others where no replies.

I think it's the big picture; if you have a good description in your profile, a good pic to go with it, and send out personal, good messages, you're appearantly set.

While I hear you on the jumping through hoops, let me just say one thing about replies; when i'm in a good mood, I tend to write more spontanous messages, and I almost always get a reaction back, and every reaction I did get, was positive. Ask her questions about her interests and hobbies, whatever. Just be sure to genuinly be interested in her and also tell a bit about yourself, but not too much!

Maybe you're a bit less reserved IRL? Also, you probably don't dress "alternative", like I do. I've had women call me names simply because of my clothing. Some women dig it, others hate it.

EDIT: try different dating sites. There's one site where I get a lot of views/winks etc, and there's a site where I get no view or anything at all. I found different sites have different types of girls, and it's a good idea to look around for what suits you best.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> How many messages do you typically have to send out before you get one to actually date you? For me, it was way too many in my mind - literally over 50 sometimes. Personally, my dating success in person seems much better, but to each his/her own, and I realize I jumped the assumption-gun heavily on this thread btw.
> 
> Like I said though, it's probably my "not-so-good messages" I sent out...I just don't like feeling like I have to jump through so many hoops just to get my foot in the door, which may be my downfall ultimately. I'm not that freakin' lame. Once again, some other experiences may of been different for you but it was typical online stuff for me.


You shouldn't have to. The way I see it, if I have to put up an act (jump through hoops) or pretend to be this super awesome person, which I'm not than the guy and I aren't going to be a good match. You never feel like you have to be someone else to be liked/loved. It's a horrible feeling. I shouldn't have to try that hard; I should just be me...however boring I may be.

Do women ever message you first?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Blue Bird said:


> Do women ever message you first?


I haven't been on in a while but the ones that do typically are the ones I'm not interested in.

Btw, Metalunatic, 100 girls messaged you first in 6 months? That's pretty darn good for a guy in my opinion!


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> I haven't been on in a while but the ones that do typically are the ones I'm not interested in.
> 
> Btw, Metalunatic, 100 girls messaged you first in 6 months? That's pretty darn good for a guy in my opinion!


That's what happens to me. When guys match me first, I don't like and usually the guys I message, or rate anonymously (I'm on OkCupid) don't like me. It seems like the guys that are my type don't like girls that are/look like me.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> Btw, Metalunatic, 100 girls messaged you first in 6 months? That's pretty darn good for a guy in my opinion!


If you read what I wrote again, I said that only two women actually messaged me, and that rougly 100 girls showed an "interest" in me via those winking/flirting/sharing pics/what have you systems they have.  Lol, 100 girls messaging me, I wish. I know i'm not ugly, but I doubt i'm that attractive. :lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Metalunatic said:


> If you read what I wrote again, I said that only two women actually messaged me, and that rougly 100 girls showed an "interest" in me via those winking/flirting/sharing pics/what have you systems they have.  Lol, 100 girls messaging me, I wish. I know i'm not ugly, but I doubt i'm that attractive. :lol


oops, my bad...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Blue Bird said:


> That's what happens to me. When guys match me first, I don't like and usually the guys I message, or rate anonymously (I'm on OkCupid) don't like me. It seems like the guys that are my type don't like girls that are/look like me.


i complain about sites being unfair for men when women struggle too. sometimes i suppose i don't get the differences well enough i guess. ah well


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Seen on a profile: 

-Must be caucasian white
-Must be over six feet tall
-Must be under 30
-Must be my age
-Must NOT have children
-Must NOT be a smoker


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

bwidger85 said:


> i complain about sites being unfair for men when women struggle too. sometimes i suppose i don't get the differences well enough i guess. ah well


You can only speak from your personal experience.


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