# Selective Mutism in Adults



## cmw198302 (Feb 24, 2006)

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I just had a few quick questions and concerns that maybe some of you could help me with. First of all, I'm about to turn 25 and I am convinced I've hit rock bottom; damaged beyond repair. I've always been shy, since my earliest memories as a child. In grade school, I wasn't fully aware nor was I concerned with any issues about my emotional stability. Until the first day of 6th grade, I considered myself absolutely normal with a thriving confidence not in any way ready for what was in store next. Before I shut down completely, I excelled at most every thing I participated in. My grades were literally perfect, I was a stand-out athlete, I had friends and I believe during these periods I was a happy person. However, all along I was severely selectively mute during these times as well. It wasn't apparent to me how important it was at the time to seek advice being that I was only 10 or 11 years old. It was like I realized that I knew something was wrong but somehow convinced myself that I was just dealing with normal adolescent issues and I would look like a weakling if I cried about it. I remember not liking the feeling of being around people I was unable to talk to. I just sort of grit my teeth and got through it. But remembering back on it, it was just a complete nightmare. I would rather do ANYTHING, literally, anything than have to be around those I just could not talk to. I mean like, even if they came up to me and said hello, I would show physical signs of nervousness and remain silent. It's ridiculously embarassing. I stuck to putting on a happy face and prentending that everything was OK. My parents were always so proud of how well I was doing and have told me that they wished they had known that something was wrong. They thought there wasn't a possibility in the world that my life could be in the shape that it now. I'm sorry for the lengh of this rant, I'm simply desperate and optionless in terms of seeking any kind of treatment, nevermind the fact that treatment is nearly a guaranteed failure in my case. Most kids with this problem must be helped before the age of 6 or 7. I'm about to turn 25 and all of this stress has woven itself into my personality, leaving me with a feeling of detachment and feeling completely oblivious to who i am. Please, if there is anyone out there whom is in a similiar situation as I, please respond back to me either here or contact me via e-mail.

[email protected]
Thanks


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## buffalo (Sep 15, 2008)

dude, reading your post definitely reminded me of myself. I didnt realize that I was at all different from anyone else until around the sixth grade. Since then I have an impossible time trying to communicate with people I do not know. Now, Im stuck in my dorm playing xbox by myself.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Sorry, try posting in paragraphs(4-5 sentences max) rather than one big unreadable blob. Us ADD'ers cant read big blobs.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

CMW198302,

I still think treatment will work for you. There is nothing weak about asking for help. I guess I would say my rock bottom was the summer of 2004 where my SA was so bad, I was in the fetal position and could eat half a Wendy's value meal during a whole day. That's all I could eat . I have made huge strides since then - I was also afraid of people big time. 

If it's really bad, I would go to the medication route until things get back on track and then work from there.

You're not beyond help by any means .


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

selective mutism is an extreme form of sa and rare for some reason I read somewhere on this site the symptoms inability to speak in a given situation fail to do so/ I can relate because im so terrified to talk or out of my own comfort zone since being 3 years old.


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## FlametopFred (Apr 27, 2012)

*wow*

i have just today stumbled on the wikipedia Selective Mutism description - and it appears to be me, almost to a T.

I am so happy I've discovered this - - it's been with me my whole life and baffled me why I would remain silent when required to speak. Awesome to know, and to be here ....phew!


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## FlametopFred (Apr 27, 2012)

Does this make me a Selective Mutant ? What would be the term ... I need to print up a T-shirt I can just point to, rather than say anything


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## oscar2422 (Sep 12, 2012)

I didn't even know selective mutisim was a thing until just now. It describes me perfectly, except that I'm 33 years old. Most everything I see is geared towards children. Is there any resouces for adults?


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## Apego (Jan 4, 2013)

Similar to other posters, I did know know about selective mutism I always thought I just just the only one with this problem. It is very comforting to know that I am not alone.

I always just thought it was something i would one day outgrow, but that day has yet to come (i'm 25, and have had this problem since age of 16)

Reading other peoples experiences and stories is helping me to face my fears and try to break out of this problem. I feel a lot more brave now, i'm not alone.


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## lucylou (Mar 21, 2013)

I am an adult suffering from selective mutism. I am a 31 year old female and have had this condition since I was about 4. Although my family thought I had grown out of it I feel that it has never really changed. I have managed to complete my education and find work, but I have never had any friends or been in a relationship because of my anxiety issues.
2 years ago, when I was feeling particularly low, I took the step of going to my GP to talk about any help I could receive. My GP had never heard of selective mutism, but did refer me to mental health. When I finally got to see someone and was assessed my only option was to take up CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). I went through a number of these sessions but found it did not help me in any way. I even went back to my GP to ask for any alternative treatments, but nothing was offered to me. I am now back to square one, a diagnosis but no solution.


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## SeekingLight (Jun 4, 2013)

I found out about the concept of selective mutism on a wikipedia article yesterday. I'm a 29 year old and the symptoms match perfectly for me. But probably unlike others, my selective mutism is towards my mom. (I'm even embarrassed to say this). I've been shy in general for the most part of my life, but during last few years I've managed to improve my communication, especially with random strangers. But to this day, I can't look at my mom and say more than a sentence without a lot of courage. Needless to day, this comes with a blank, expression-less face.

I've been searching for any possible solution for last couple of days, and it seems like all the treatment types are for children and teenagers. So I feel like I've missed the boat and may have to live with it for the rest of my life.


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## The Misery Chick (Jun 30, 2013)

OP, I can relate all too well. I wasn't aware of selective mutism until about a week ago. Excelled in most of my studies throughout the years, but can't keep anyone's interest for longer than five minutes because of anxiety. At twenty-five years old, I can just barely look people in the eye without trepidation.


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## Anxietyriddled (Jan 5, 2013)

Ouch! what a terrible affliction..I too have this, eye contact is very hard and awkward for me, I feel intense pressure and fear when ever required to do any thing social, I just choke up and my voice is caught in my throat. It's fricken maddening. Know that you aren't alone! I really hope all of us can get some sort of help with this...


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## ChuckAlderaz (Aug 16, 2013)

*Baby Steps*

I get that. I was undiagnosed. I treated myself. Mind you, I'm not you.

But what I suggest is BABY STEPS! Think up a goal about talking to a random stranger. Imagine it will work out. Think that they will respond to you in a positive way. Imagine that "Hello." Or "Will you touch my penis" (Not being a douche bag, humour doesn't always translate).

Once you have that imagined that, remember why your out.

Remember that your mission is either to say hello to people or just to be out.

Like I said baby steps.

The image of interaction is important in your head, BUT (and this is what few people will tell you [especially the psychs]) is that you need to want it more than wanting the fear. And I get fear. . . I still have issues if the social gathering reaches six people, but after that I couldn't care less. . .

How ****ed up is that. . . Also, for whatever reason I feel that the need to become an internet personality calling my name yet, for whatever reason six is my magic number for shut down. . . I suddenly have to sequester people like I'm plotting against others. But like I said, baby steps.

Think about what you want. Think about how you're going to accomplish it. And always remember, if a ****ing retard like the Kardashinins (I don't care if this is the wrong spelling) can keep spewing **** out of their mouths. . . Gawd dammit, I must be able to do the same!

Positive negativity was my trick. . . I know it sounds terrible, but try it. . . Think of whatever demographic you think are slower than you and remember, they can do it so why can't you? Sure you might be wired different, but they aren't better than you! We're all the same in most regards, it's just how we handle things that differs.

I wish you luck! And please let me know if this helps!


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

Am I looking in a mirror? What is this witchcraft.


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## flykiwi (Jul 18, 2011)

I usuallythink imover this..but i always
comeback to it.. its so stupid and annoying.
I cant ask questions when i need to for class...
It makes me mad.my
grades show it. I cant talk to people online..
... i hate it


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## Turnip (Nov 10, 2013)

*Don't know how to help my sister.*

I have been diagnosed with GAD, social phobia and finally aspergers. Mostly I'm finally ok though it took me to age 41 to be able to say that. My sister however, not only has severe anxiety she also has selective mutism, depression and anger issues. She lives with my mom in a rural area, has no job, no friends, hasn't spoke to me for a year, drugs and therapy failed and she's getting worse. I know what I've done to help myself but she has too much anxiety and anger to even try. Does anyone have any ideas? And is the extreme anger unusual?


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## Losti (Aug 23, 2012)

The actual condition or even just the symptoms (which many social phobes can experience) is no fun all, so I can empathise with the frustrations of some here. I never understood why such an overlooked condition like this only ever seems to fall within the 'childhood disorders' umbrella. That surely must alienate enough adults who really do suffer this. For me, I have always just managed in one-on-one situations where its not too busy, though for whatever reason, I choke up the greatest and mute myself in work, schooling, social venue and public transport kinda environments.


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## Trevor700 (Nov 29, 2013)

I sympathise with all of you who have selective mutism. My sons girlfriend has it and has told us, (after 1 long year of silence) of the torture she has suffered as a child at at school. She was called deaf, retarded, rude ignorant, the list goes on. Her parents ignored the issue by saying she was shy even though she knew it was more than that.My worry now is that she has had a child 8 months ago and hasn't said a word to her baby


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## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

I'm selectively mute selectively.


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## shellrowe (Jan 28, 2014)

Has anyone tried EFT. I ve just startred using it for this and it has strtd to help more than any conventional treatment or herbal remedy ever has. Here is one video. The host has a bunch more and has a free newsletter by email offered.


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## Snowman 23 (Jun 8, 2014)

I'm in the same boat as all of you. Although I've never actually been diagnosed, I spent grades 4 through 9 not speaking to anyone in school at all and grades 10 and up just speaking a few people I've been around a long time and feel more comfortable with. I always got this extreme fear when it came to social situations. I would look at everyone else and wonder what was wrong with me. I knew that the fear was irrational, and I tried to relax myself and talk to people, but I just couldn't do it. It was really, really frustrating (still is). About two years ago I found out about selective mutism from an online comment board elsewhere and looked it up. I am positive that that is what I have. It was a bit of a relief to finally know what has been plaguing me all my life and to know that I am not alone in this. I'm currently trying to learn some social skills at my workplace. I have a long way to go, but at least I have progressed a little bit. Good luck to all of you. I hope we all develop normal, healthy social lives and love lives


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Holy necromancy.

It's kind of painful to go back six years and see someone who thinks they are as hopelessly broken as I am. Are they still alive? Are they better?

26 years old and 6th grade is still the thing that defines me.


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## esci (Jun 24, 2014)

For what it's worth--

Earlier this year I started reading a lot of Autistic blogs, and seeing comments and videos about nonspeaking and sometimes-speaking Autistics typing during ordinary conversations in order to communicate. And I saw that it was good.

I'm not suffering from much by way of anxiety these days--I had it all through preschool till the time I graduated college and then the lingering effects of it phasing out as I settled into a fulltime job that ended up proving, bizarrely, that the severe anxiety I experienced (including anorexia, self-injury, conversion disorder, selective mutism, and hallucinations) was actually situational. I still can't always speak with my mouth, though, and particularly anxiety-invoking was the sexual trauma I'd suffered while unable to say "no", and the fear that I'd never be able to communicate in a relationship since intimacy remains one of my mutism triggers.

I'm not "cured" either, though: I've recently developed a tic where I hit myself in the head, either because of general stress/twitchiness or remembered social interactions; I end up rocking to comfort myself when I'm tired; if I try doing too much I end up in a catatonic state for a few hours; I still have occasional suicidal thoughts and so on. I'm just at a point where none of this particularly bothers me, and it isn't interfering with my work or social life.

Typing during conversation is finally enabling me to have a happy relationship with a very cool significant other. 

All this sums up to me being a proud selective mute (selective mutant is a cute name), who's trying to lay down a positive roadmap for living as a selective mute adult, since there's so little online about it. I don't think it matters for selective mutes whether we "cure" our selective mutism or not, as long as we find an effective way to communicate when we want or need to.

If this sounds like you'd want to read more about my life and thoughts on selective mutism and related topics, I've started blogging at muteability.blogspot.com.

(Putting the word "cure" in scare-quotes because I'm much more into living with my weird, awesome, wide-ranging the brain the way it is-the way I am-than in medicalizing my emotions and seeing my cognition as defective. Obviously I'd be more into medicalization if that was my current need and I'd had good experiences with the mental healthcare system, so not here to criticize anyone, just to present an alternate perspective because I didn't always know there was another one.)


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

What the ****? How do you get a career? How to you get a significant other?

I just want to cut my throat.


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## Xander916 (May 30, 2014)

I have it. im 27. it sux. 

its funny on some days when im feelin less anxiety I just talk normally at work and it just feels much better. im gonna work my way up slowly.


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## hexfur (Jul 5, 2014)

I didn't have this problem (selective mutism i mean) until about this week or so. I had a lot of stressful events happen and now i refuse to speak to anyone if i can help it. I have been forcing myself to speak but for about 5-7 days, I just dont want to talk anymore.


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## ASadSummer (Jul 5, 2014)

This is so eerie because it reminds me of myself as well. Now I play mmorpg's alone all day and what i just realized after playing these games for almost 6 years... I dont have 1 person on my friends list. .. not 1. tres depressing... This site is my last resort before I remove my pointless self from existence... but for once in my life since I was an adolescent i dont feel alone.


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## logodaedaly (Jul 7, 2014)

I am an adult who is selectively mute with immediate family. I joined to connect with others in this situation, as I'm a bit desperate for answers and I've not seen the topic addressed anywhere else.

As others have said, this is embarrassing to admit to, and makes one feel like a terrible person. How to even begin to deal with it? Why did I stop talking to them? I don't remember anymore, but I can't simply start again. Do I want to repair relations with my family, and what would a healthy relationship even look like?

The first question is perhaps, can I forgive myself? Can I get past the shame that I have done this? Esci's words above make me hopeful there is a path toward positivity and peace.


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## sab w (Sep 15, 2014)

I'm 57 and have had selective mutism. I only noticed it between the ages of 20 and 26. Now I'm still extremely shy and introverted.

I noticed some posters had trouble talking to their mothers... I hadn't ever thought about that but it was an effort to talk to my mother about anything meaningful. She's dead now.


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## verdurousglooms (Nov 14, 2014)

I have some of the traits of selective mutism : stopping speaking when someone comes in the room but this isn't always the case, using someone I'm close to as my speaker and whispering to them in company, but most of all I have only really been myself with one person and with the rest of the world I am in shut down mode - but they don't realise it, they just think I'm shy or don't have much to say. I talk only to manage the situation, give advice or learn something. really and every word that comes out is not from my own personality...It's a shadowed, oppressed version of myself, squashed down to almost nothing. But other people think 'oh shes just like that, she's a quiet person.' it doesn't really bother me, I just want to know does anyone else experience this shut down feeling where their personality is nowhere to be seen but it suddenly flows in full force with someone or some people they are close to. Were you diagnosed with something?


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## milo001 (Nov 26, 2008)

I have it when I was a kid. And now I don't work for many years.


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