# Feel overshadowed by my younger brother



## takepills (Mar 25, 2013)

Background: 20 years old. No job, no license, college troubles. At least I'm an aspiring illustrator with some decent work to back me up.

Anyway...

Sometimes I get really bummed that I never went to a progressive high school.

Let's get this straight first of all: I'm NOT normal. I'm a music and movie junkie creative type who loves underground music and Criterion films and I hate pretty much all authority and I consider myself to be an atheist humanist. I've always hated sports. Despite all that, I don't think I've had very many ******* "my interests are better than your interests" moments in my life and no one ever called me a hipster. I've just always been different.

My parents always thought I was lucky to go to a catholic school. To this day they believe that, and I think in large part that's due to the fact that my younger brother went through the same school and he turned out quite different. He became possibly the most popular student in the entire building in his 4 years. He was interested in medicine and was very athletic and into sports, so many teachers got really chummy with him and were able to help him out. My school was one of those schools that was fanatical about math and science (AND SPORTZZZ) but didn't give a **** about the arts at all. Even the faculty members praised for their compassion, tolerance and service to others tended to display crystal clear apathy whenever I mentioned my intended major in art and would always go on about "the big game last night." I could relate to probably one teacher and he was the philosophy teacher and was as aloof and out-of-place as I was there.

The fact that my parents think I was lucky to be in an overwhelmingly business/conservative Catholic high school with no interest in creativity proves that they're still really far from knowing me, while at the same time they get to know my brother better and better each day. They have serious talks with him about his future career and provide him with new medical references and tips to latch on to, while they outwardly show plenty of indifference to my own endeavors and goals, which are all only semi-concrete because I have many interests and feel like I could go in a million directions into many different occupations but am too hesitant to commit to anything in particular and work on any one skill.

I think somewhere along the way my parents just gave up on me. Maybe the point where they truly did was when my anxiety started to get really bad in the middle of high school. They didn't understand why I wasn't leaving the house but wasn't studying hard either, or why I failed to maintain any friends at school and also failed to comprehend the college application process. I've already told them that I have social anxiety but I don't think they take it very seriously or even try to figure out what "social anxiety" really means. They probably think I just sit around like an immature little kid that doesn't care about responsibility or _anything_. I guess they just see so much promise in my younger brother that they don't want to believe that my pathetic little problems actually exist. I'm sure it pains my mom to see her own lack of energy and bad temper unfurling inside me, just as it probably pains my dad to see his lack of openness reflecting itself in me.

Somehow my brother was able to escape most of my parents' most unbearable traits. He could get away with anything taboo in high school and now he's the most mature and responsible 18yr old I know, getting personally deeply involved in my parents' legal and medical affairs, driving all of the time and making all of his mistakes now and immediately learning from them. He's able to continue getting away with anything he wants because my parents really respect him. I hate jealousy so much, but the dichotomy here is so absurd that I don't know what else to express sometimes. I'm just not taken very seriously, even in the rare case when I show my parents that I'm trying hard to change my life. I'm just seen as the bleeding heart liberal without a sense of fiscal responsibility, while my conservative brother (who speaks more like a Young Republican to my parents every day while acting all ghetto with his friends) is seen as the "very concerned fiscally respnosible young man."

My little advances in life just don't compare whatsoever to the great leaps my brother makes on a regular basis, and on days like today it just kills me. I just don't want to be seen as this pathetic little boy, especially when I still live at home. I'm trying to prove to my parents that I can live my own life, but I'm worried that my brother's relentless successes will continue to distract them from seeing any merit in my little successes. All of the emotional neglect from my high school years already makes it hard as it is to advance my life in the first place. I feel so sad and lost.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in the right family.


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## ShadowOnTheWall (Dec 24, 2010)

Don't rely on family for support here, draw strength from your friends. Work on the art you want to work in private, and only show those you really trust. You can share with the net,thats a great way to get feedback and encouragment and critique


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## takepills (Mar 25, 2013)

Thanks a lot for your reply! Yeah, I need to focus more on my art. I only have a couple friends and their lives are very busy, but I'm gonna do what I can to make this work. 

Maybe the more I think about working on my art the less I'll focus on my jealousy.


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