# Social Anxiety WITH my therapist...



## Zadra (Jan 14, 2011)

My therapist is one of those "head nodders". She doesn't say much, all she really does is listen. I'll usually have a decent amount to say, but when I stop talking, she just sits there.... and stares. It's very awkward and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I force myself to keep talking (I really have to squeeze it out), or I'll look down at my phone and make believe I got a text/start playing with something on my bag, etc. I wish she would say more back to me.

When she does talk, it isn't very helpful. She'll say things like "Well why do you think you feel that way?"

Gee *I DONT KNOW*, maybe thats why I'm in therapy? To figure out _why_? Asking me over and over isn't going to solve everything. Does she want me to be my own therapist in her office and do her job for her?

At the same time, she's a really nice lady, and I can't bring myself to approach this bothersome situation, nor would I know how to or what to say. I have medicaid (government trash) and go to a clinic, so finding a different therapist is quite impossible.


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## AlekParker (Oct 31, 2006)

Zadra said:


> My therapist is one of those "head nodders". She doesn't say much, all she really does is listen. I'll usually have a decent amount to say, but when I stop talking, she just sits there.... and stares. It's very awkward and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I force myself to keep talking (I really have to squeeze it out), or I'll look down at my phone and make believe I got a text/start playing with something on my bag, etc. I wish she would say more back to me.
> 
> When she does talk, it isn't very helpful. She'll say things like "Well why do you think you feel that way?"
> 
> ...


Hehe Zadra I like the way you write. it's kind of comical like a seinfeld episode :clap:
"My therapist is one of those "head nodders". She doesn't say much, all she really does is listen. I'll usually have a decent amount to say, but when I stop talking, she just sits there.... and stares. It's very awkward and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I force myself to keep talking (I really have to squeeze it out), or I'll look down at my phone and make believe I got a text/start playing with something on my bag, etc. I wish she would say more back to me."

That's really funny hehe... sorry, please don't take offense, I just really like the way you describe things, and can actually see my self in that situ. (I'm not trying to make lite of your situation either I'm sure it's frusterating)

I'm guessing she hasn't treated many with SAD? or maybe does not understand it fully. Is it like CBT or is it more talk therapy? Also how many sessions into the therapy are you in?

Maybe you should address her about it. Just ask her something like "So I'm curious what you think about my situation (or what I just said) do you have any advice to give me, I'm rather at a loss" or something like that. If she continues staring and bobbling her head, then maybe you should be more specific and ask her about the therapy --where it's going, what you are going to get out of it, goals etc? or even specifically what you're supposed to do in the therapy, ie get advice or just talk about feeling etc..

I'm guessing that asking this might be hard since you have SA... but I think that would be the proper way to go. We have to be assertive!


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

I have had quite a few awkward moments and silent periods in therapy. Sometimes I would talk, for what I felt a good amount of time, and my therapist would just stare me right in the eyes waiting for me to say more. I supposse part of therapy is the "unburddening" of issues that we keep locked away inside of us. But there should be periods when the therapist interjects and perhaps offers alternatives or different viewpoints, especially if the one of the client is distorted.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

Zadra said:


> My therapist is one of those "head nodders". She doesn't say much, all she really does is listen. I'll usually have a decent amount to say, but when I stop talking, she just sits there.... and stares. It's very awkward and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I force myself to keep talking (I really have to squeeze it out), or I'll look down at my phone and make believe I got a text/start playing with something on my bag, etc. I wish she would say more back to me.
> 
> When she does talk, it isn't very helpful. She'll say things like "Well why do you think you feel that way?"
> 
> ...


How does this make you feel?


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## Zadra (Jan 14, 2011)

@ Alekparker, thanks for the advice. I'm not at all offended that you find my post to be comical, a lot of people find my style of writing to be very comical and even realistic to the way I speak. When I want to, I can be very expressive :lol

I've been seeing the lady for about 6 months now, I think it is about time I stop and ask her what she thinks about the big picture.


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## NVU (Jul 1, 2010)

This makes me nervous a little as i'm due to see a NEW therapist soon (never been to therapy before). Maybe you could tell her straight.. I get uncomforable when there is a period of time when we don't speak. Therapists are very understanding as they treat all sorts of patients.

I can imagine myself in the same situation though. An awkward silence would make me really nervous (i.e playing with my phone or flushing red in the face).


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

I would suggest getting a new therapist.

I saw a therapist when I was in high school and she was a lot like that. She would just stare at me sometimes for an uncomfortably long period of time, without saying a word....I guess it's to try and get us to talk more. But I really don't understand that technique at all, especially with a patient who has SA. It seems like a therapist should know that awkward silences are like a person with SAs biggest nightmare. Also I go to therapy to get feedback on my thoughts and feelings. If I just wanted to hear myself talk I'd buy a houseplant and have a conversation with it.

The therapist that I have now is wonderful. She always has something to say to me and I gain a lot of insight from her. Is there any way you can switch to another one?


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## wxolue (Nov 26, 2008)

I have been in potentially awkward silence situations with my therapists too, but then I remember three things.

1) It takes two people to make silence. If he/she isn't talking, why should you be expected to talk, especially after just finishing a thought? The therapist isn't sitting there saying "omg omg silence jeez I hope he says something, what should I say!" There's probably a reason why he/she isn't saying anything. Perhaps they want you to reflect on what you just said. Perhaps they're thinking about what you just said. Therapy isn't like a typical conversation where you're supposed to go back and fourth the whole time.
2) Even IF I was causing the awkward silence, I don't know why in gods name this would seem weird or odd to my therapist, seeing as how im there to treat my SOCIAL ANXIETY.
3) My therapist has seen way worse cases than me. I doubt she would be judging me. Even if I was the worse case, why would she go into therapy if all she does is judge people? It's like being a stock broker and hating rich people, or being a fitness instructor and hating fat people. You are her client. There's no logical reason she would see you in a negative light.


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## AlekParker (Oct 31, 2006)

wxolue said:


> I have been in potentially awkward silence situations with my therapists too, but then I remember three things.
> 
> 1) It takes two people to make silence. If he/she isn't talking, why should you be expected to talk, especially after just finishing a thought? The therapist isn't sitting there saying "omg omg silence jeez I hope he says something, what should I say!" There's probably a reason why he/she isn't saying anything. Perhaps they want you to reflect on what you just said. Perhaps they're thinking about what you just said. Therapy isn't like a typical conversation where you're supposed to go back and fourth the whole time.
> 2) Even IF I was causing the awkward silence, I don't know why in gods name this would seem weird or odd to my therapist, seeing as how im there to treat my SOCIAL ANXIETY.
> 3) My therapist has seen way worse cases than me. I doubt she would be judging me. Even if I was the worse case, why would she go into therapy if all she does is judge people? It's like being a stock broker and hating rich people, or being a fitness instructor and hating fat people. You are her client. There's no logical reason she would see you in a negative light.


@Zadra - good to hear you took it that way because it's a sincere compliment  If you are with her for 6 months and it still seems she doesn't have set goals you are on and it's just a 'talking to the wall' session, then you should probably address her about it directly. Remember you're paying her!!

@wxolue you give some good advice/perspective as always.


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

I have a friend who will be a psychologist in a couple years...she says the uncomfortable silences are intentional, it's called "appropriate use of silence." FWIW, she says she is uncomfortable with it too because she just wants to talk! It is really helpful to see that "human" side of a therapist (even though my friend is obviously not MY therapist) and not just the professional front/boundaries they have to maintain. 

Ironically, my SA ratchets up with my therapist too. I have had a few instances where stuff outside of therapy has made a brief entrance into our relationship. I remember one time when I was coming out of her office, and realized I locked my keys (along with my cell phone) in the car. I died a little inside :um because I realized I was going to have to go back in there and ask her to use the phone. 

I hate the silent eye contact, it's excruciating for me. She also used to ask me before we started if she could get me something to drink, and I always declined, out of fear of spilling it or dribbling when taking a sip. LOL it makes me laugh, because this is the one person who really is not judging me at all and totally understands my condition! :roll


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## senrab (Apr 23, 2006)

LALoner said:


> How does this make you feel?


What do you think that means?

 :teeth


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