# What do you do when you have a persistent boner and the mail man knocks on the door?



## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Seems to happen a lot recently.


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

Why would the mailman be knocking? He's supposed to put the mail down and walk..


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## In a Lonely Place (Mar 26, 2012)

I just throw on my cape and top hat really quick.


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Omg I don't know if you are joking but this happens to me. Except it will keep happening all day sometimes. I wish it would just do what I want it too. I have to stand or sit motionless for like 10-15 minutes and focus for it to go away. But then sometimes it will keep coming back anyway. It will happen at like the store and when I'm talking to people or at work. When it last happened at the store I must have looked like I was crazy. Standing still too long or leaning over and walking around weird trying not to make it worse. I can't just stand there in the aisle for 10-15 minutes motionless like some kind of creep.
But if someones at the door just pretend you aren't there, or go after it's gone and say you were in the shower or something. I'm sure the mailman is used to people not being home.


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## fishinbarrel (Jan 19, 2015)

Check and make sure any pills ur taking don't say viagra on them lol


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## darkhoboelf (Mar 3, 2013)

Put on a heavy zip up jacket that will comedown past your boner so no one can tell that you have one.


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## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

Now that's one thing I prefer not having to deal with. I only answer doors in emergencies anyway.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Just don't open the door all the way, thats what I do when I have to answer the door with an erection.


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## nervousbat (Nov 16, 2014)

Zack said:


> Seems to happen a lot recently.


This might be out of the ordinary, but it happens to some girls too, only it's not the same anatomical boner of course lol, but yeah this has definitely happened to me before. The feminine version. I just think "Okay, forget about it, now is not the time." This topic reminded me of this funny video I saw by zefrank on youtube. I lol'd. XD


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I guess I'm gonna have to buy a wheelchair and leave it by the door... and perhaps have some kind of pillow under my shirt (with a large hole in it) so I look like a disabled obese person _who certainly is not hiding an erection in a false apron of imitation blubber_. I'll open the door and try to distract the mail man with some idle chatter.

"Lovely morning, isn't it? What? Oh, is that for me? What's that you say? An erection? Ha! If only. [Winks.] No, I'm obese and can no longer walk, hence the wheelchair. [Points at wheelchair.] Running down the stairs, you say? No, no, that was my dog! He always comes running when he hears the door bell. His name? Um, um... yes, he does have a name... er, um, well, thanks for the mail. Bye. [Closes door. Runs upstairs.]"


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## Srylance (Apr 20, 2014)

Just go and open the door, he won't even notice probably. And because your mind is distracted now, it will go away shortly. No biggie, done it b4.


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## Venom Boss (Dec 4, 2014)

Whenever I receive a package, they always knock on my front door three times then leave the package by my door. I never get a chance to answer the door before they leave. Can't blame them though; they have other mail to deliver.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

In six grade I had a boner and stood up in front of class. I think 2 people noticed. It was science class and everyone was busy. But I'm pretty sure 2 people saw. It haunts me. :blank



nervousbat said:


> This might be out of the ordinary, but it happens to some girls too, only it's not the same anatomical boner of course lol, but yeah this has definitely happened to me before. The feminine version. I just think "Okay, forget about it, now is not the time." This topic reminded me of this funny video I saw by zefrank on youtube. I lol'd. XD


Haha! Great link. Erect clits are a lot less noticeable.


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## nervousbat (Nov 16, 2014)

JustThisGuy said:


> In six grade I had a boner and stood up in front of class. I think 2 people noticed. It was science class and everyone was busy. But I'm pretty sure 2 people saw. It haunts me. :blank
> 
> Haha! Great link. Erect clits are a lot less noticeable.


Yeah, indeed they are. Don't worry, there are mature people who understand your situation and aren't judging you!


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Give the man what he wants.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

nervousbat said:


> Yeah, indeed they are. Don't worry, there are mature people who understand your situation and aren't judging you!


Thanks for the pep talk. :b


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## AntiAnxiety (Jan 8, 2011)

I see we're going to ignore the whole mailman-not-knocking-on-your-door logic >____>


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

AntiAnxiety said:


> I see we're going to ignore the whole mailman-not-knocking-on-your-door logic >____>


They do everywhere else in the world, dude.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Have a banana in each of your pockets. He'll think that there's a hidden pocket for a 3rd banana in front of your crotch.


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## black eye (Feb 14, 2015)

bananas? we have some unpractical minds here.


just put the head of your penis beneath the elastic of your trousers,
so that it points upwards instead of forwards... and hang a tshirt over it

what do i win?


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

black eye said:


> just put the head of your penis beneath the elastic of your trousers,
> so that it points upwards instead of forwards... and hang a tshirt over it
> 
> what do i win?


Yup, that's a winning suggestion that will serve one well till you get old enough that you don't walk around with a raging erection 24/7. Actually, I guess old guys can have raging erection problems too. My brother uses an injectable ED drug where the erection doesn't go away after orgasm, as would be the case with any of the oral ED pills (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) Instead it's an erection that's going to stick around for hours whether you want it or not, so pretty much the same as teens get without pharmaceutical intervention.

Despite the Viagra joke in an earlier post, that's still not going to produce an erection without stimulation and most guys aren't turned on by their mail man.

As for women, they don't have to worry. The mail man or UPS guy isn't going to have a clue how wet your are, and if he does, well, then you're certainly getting a whole lot more intimate with him than merely signing your name & accepting your delivery.


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## Karkay (Feb 17, 2015)

Zack said:


> I guess I'm gonna have to buy a wheelchair and leave it by the door... and perhaps have some kind of pillow under my shirt (with a large hole in it) so I look like a disabled obese person _who certainly is not hiding an erection in a false apron of imitation blubber_. I'll open the door and try to distract the mail man with some idle chatter.
> 
> "Lovely morning, isn't it? What? Oh, is that for me? What's that you say? An erection? Ha! If only. [Winks.] No, I'm obese and can no longer walk, hence the wheelchair. [Points at wheelchair.] Running down the stairs, you say? No, no, that was my dog! He always comes running when he hears the door bell. His name? Um, um... yes, he does have a name... er, um, well, thanks for the mail. Bye. [Closes door. Runs upstairs.]"


Heheahha this is brilliant


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

black eye said:


> bananas? we have some unpractical minds here.
> 
> just put the head of your penis beneath the elastic of your trousers,
> so that it points upwards instead of forwards... and hang a tshirt over it
> ...


Yeah I did this in school all the time. It hurts like hell, and now I'm pretty sure people could still tell. And you can't stand up straight when you do that or it starts to hurt a lot.


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## black eye (Feb 14, 2015)

losthismarbles said:


> Yeah I did this in school all the time. It hurts like hell, and now I'm pretty sure people could still tell. And you can't stand up straight when you do that or it starts to hurt a lot.


 maybe you have a bigger penis, or a more sensitive one. or a tighter shorts.
i never had a real problem with it.


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## George115 (Feb 22, 2015)

With what I've got nobody would notice!


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

George115 said:


> With what I've got nobody would notice!


It's not the size that counts, it's the... the... I mean... it is more... um... OK, it is ALL about the size.

I just can't lie.


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## black eye (Feb 14, 2015)

Zack said:


> It's not the size that counts, it's the... the... I mean... it is more... um... OK, it is ALL about the size.
> 
> I just can't lie.


i don't know,
as long as u are average most girls wont complain,

and some girls even stay with guys with small dicks,
just cuz those guys have nice personalities and they can do other things well in bed...

so its not all about the size


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

black eye said:


> i don't know,
> as long as u are average *most girls* wont complain,
> 
> *and some girls* even stay with guys with small dicks,
> ...


Who said anything about girls?


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## George115 (Feb 22, 2015)

black eye said:


> i don't know,
> as long as u are average most girls wont complain,
> 
> and some girls even stay with guys with small dicks,
> ...


Well, you can move it around a lot searching out sensitve target spots! (And then I can be creative! Now really, for Males or Females it's more fun if they want their "bottholes surfed"! :boogie)


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## George115 (Feb 22, 2015)

Hey! Why was my hard on so visible when those 5th, 6th, 7th grade teachers called my name to "stand and read out loud"? *****es! They had to _know_ exactly when every boy had a ****ing boner! How did they know just _when_ I was rock solid?


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## losthismarbles (Jul 5, 2014)

Luckly I don't think I ever had to stand in class when I was called on. However we had mandatory swimming class. -.-


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

George115 said:


> Hey! Why was my hard on so visible when those 5th, 6th, 7th grade teachers called my name to "stand and read out loud"? *****es! They had to _know_ exactly when every boy had a ****ing boner! How did they know just _when_ I was rock solid?


You should have used the wheelchair and pillow tactic.


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## AaronWilde (Jul 31, 2012)

I get this sometimes on bus rides. Something about the bumpy soothing nature of being on a bus. Next thing I know I am turned fully on haha. I just pray by my stop it has gone away.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Zack said:


> I guess I'm gonna have to buy a wheelchair and leave it by the door... and perhaps have some kind of pillow under my shirt (with a large hole in it) so I look like a disabled obese person _who certainly is not hiding an erection in a false apron of imitation blubber_. I'll open the door and try to distract the mail man with some idle chatter.
> 
> "Lovely morning, isn't it? What? Oh, is that for me? What's that you say? An erection? Ha! If only. [Winks.] No, I'm obese and can no longer walk, hence the wheelchair. [Points at wheelchair.] Running down the stairs, you say? No, no, that was my dog! He always comes running when he hears the door bell. His name? Um, um... yes, he does have a name... er, um, well, thanks for the mail. Bye. [Closes door. Runs upstairs.]"


Wheelchairs are for people who can't get up....you can.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Wheelchairs are for people who can't get up....you can.


_Hahaha!_ Nice play with words... Getting up isn't a problem; it's coming down again.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

AaronWilde said:


> I get this sometimes on bus rides. Something about the bumpy soothing nature of being on a bus. Next thing I know I am turned fully on haha. I just pray by my stop it has gone away.


I heard just this but about WOMEN! Apparently the bumps and vibrations make some women actually orgasm...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Zack said:


> _Hahaha!_ Nice play with words... Getting up isn't a problem; it's coming down again.


:lol - yeah, I had to be careful how I worded it, but you caught it.

Apparently, if you grip the top and hold it for a few seconds, it'll deflate.


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## Bert Reynolds (Dec 18, 2013)

Me, having never come onto this triumph section nor this entire site for that matter with a serious, hopeful mind, have decided, out of the blue, that maybe for once I should be serious and maybe there is hope out there. And so with this rare mindset I have astonishingly obtained, I've decided to enter "Triumphs Over Social Anxiety" only to quickly find in a second's time, at the very top, that here beholds a thread with a topic about boners and mailmen. I am truly blessed to say I have finally found the answer to all of life's questions and have come to the conclusion that there is no hope and may God have mercy on my soul..and yeah, and I should go back to acting like an idiot just as I always do on here and type this.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

I've been thinking about alternative strategies since starting this thread and I think I have an alternative plan that might just work. Here goes - if I answer the door with a gun in my pocket then if the mail man uses the line "Is that a gun in your pocket or..." I can confidently answer that it is not *just* a gun in my pocket but *two guns* in two pockets and, furthermore, I can reassure him that "I'm not _that_ pleased to see you"...


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Why don't they ever employ twinkies to deliver mail, anyway? They discriminate against pretty slim young men and seem only to hire ugly overweight people with fewer social skills than myself.


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