# Do you remember your childhood?



## jijiji

let's say, from ages 5-10ish. do you remember what it was like? what life was like, what you were like, the general experience? not just a few scattered memories, but do you remember it?


is it odd that i don't remember mine?


i don't remember anything besides feelings of inferiority and fear, and a few scattered memories. my childhood was like a dream to me, a huge blur. it felt that way all throughout, and now when i look back i don't know who i was. it is like somebody else inhabited that body. i don't recognize myself in pictures. not physically, but emotionally, and personality-wise. i just don't understand. it seems like it was someone else


what up with that?

simply due to anxiety? a lack of regard for physical environment? is this normal?


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## Akane

The human brain is not born with long term memory. It develops over time so it is entirely normal to not remember being a young child. However I can remember stuff from before I was 3 years old. I can remember the night my sister was born when I would have been 3 1/2. I remember how much of a lazy jerk my dad was and moments when I stood up to him despite his temper. I remember getting a needle stuck in my foot and he wouldn't pull it out for me. I remember preschool. I tried to exclude someone who wouldn't play the game right and everyone refused to play with me once. Kindergarten sucked. I got yelled at a lot for going ahead in activities or doing artistic type things when bored because work was not progressing fast enough. I got someone else in trouble for the snowflakes I cut out and the mess of paper on the floor. We always got books from the library and then never were given a chance to read them so I refused to try to read a book too thick to finish in one sitting which put me behind my sister by a year when it came to reading novels. I made my first gradeschool friend by catching a butterfly and showing it to her. so on...

What I don't remember is junior high through highschool. It was so bad that it only comes in flashes when I'm stressed such as not having gotten enough sleep. I have this great memory for everything before 6th grade and then hardly anything and doctors don't find this odd.


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## millenniumman75

I have long term memory. :lol
I remember as far back as turning 3. That was my biggest year - I learned to go potty, read, do math, and tell time all in that year!


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## anonymid

My memory is pretty scattered, but yeah, I guess I can remember more or less what it was like to be a kid. It's pretty vague, though, and I can't remember a thing from before I was in kindergarten. I'm almost astonished when people say they can remember things from when they were three or four.


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## Just Lurking

Hmm, 5-10? I don't remember a whole lot. Bits and pieces here and there... I'd say the same thing about any experiences under 18. I barely even remember high school let alone my elementary years.

Subconscious repression, maybe...


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## Lifetimer

jijiji,

I'm glad you brought this topic up. Funny thing is that I was just thinking about this very subject recently. I was thinking about how I only remember bits and pieces from my childhood. It's very scattered memories for me. And even in my teenage years there is not very much that really stands out in my memory. You described your childhood memories as like "a dream, a huge blur." That is fairly similar how I feel about my childhood.

It is my belief that the reason I lack my earlier memories is because my childhood was not a pleasant one. It was a very lonely, somewhat sad childhood that was fraught with emotional/psychological pain & fear. And this can be said of my teenage years as well. My childhood is where my toxic shame originated from (toxic shame is the condition I talk about in the link in my signature below). No, I was not sexually or physically abused. It was due to other issues that I prefer not to discuss here to avoid getting off topic.

Thus, due to my toxic shame-filled childhood, I think my mind shut off most of the memories because there was not many pleasant things to remember. Despite my childhood not being an ideal one, I kind of wish I had a better memory of it, because, without a strong recollection of the memories, I kind of feel as if I didn't have a childhood.

I think what I wrote in the above paragraph may be the case with some of you here that have trouble remembering much of your childhood. Maybe there wasn't many meaningful, pleasant things to remember and so your mind - for the most part - blocked out a lot of your memories.

Well, in my case at least, there's nothing I can do about it now but move forward with my life and start building positive memories henceforth. Now that I am over my SA and working to improve myself in other areas, moving forward with my life is exactly what I am going to do.


Lifetimer


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## LALoner

Scientists say "declarative memory" begins around 3.5 years. My family moved from an apartment to a house when I was 4 and I have some memories of the old apartment. My younger siblings have no memory of the apartment, just like science predicts. Anyway I can remember a lot of stuff from my childhood but not everything and have weird gaps in my memories.


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## michiyoLove77

I can remember bits and pieces, mostly when I was in 4th grade. I slightly remember something from when I was extremely young, and it was my car seat falling over, which is really random, but meh :/


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## ImmortalxApathy

Yes, I do. I think that I have post-traumatic stress from it too.


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## Cyrus

Yup I remember a hell of a lot. All good memories too.


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## andy1984

I have a very bad memory. I don't remember much from that time and its a bit like its someone else's memory.


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## Still Waters

Not that much. I was listening to a friend talk to their mom the other day about their childhood and teenage years,I began to feel very uncomfortable. I didn't understand it at first,then I realized I was feeling jealous. They went on and on about all these funny stories and interesting events,trips etc. I've NEVER done that with my parents,because we didn't DO anything,also I lacked friends for the most part,let's face it,you don't accumulate a lot of memories from spending virtually all your waking hours just reading and endlessly observing others.


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## heroin

Like it was yesterday. It was a fairly happy one. Though I was completely stupid back then.


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## cafune

Well it wasn't too long ago, was it? So yes, I do, not too much though. I remember memories from ages 7 and up more frequently than those before that age.


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## lanzman

Unfortunately, yes.


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## Stormclouds

I seem to remember mostly negative stuff, like being picked on in school, being constantly criticized by my parents, having a huge splinter in my leg, the neighbor's dog killing my kittens, my other cat getting run over, my dad hitting me until I wet my pants.....


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## Charizard

I have a great memory of when I was 5-10, probably above average. I even have a couple flashes of memory from when I was ~1. I know that's how old I was, because the memories are from Canada and I moved to the US at that age.


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## EmptyRoom

Yeah...I was very innocent and naive, heck, I'm still naive.
But everything back then seemed...clean.
Now, it's as if my vision's clouded with negativity.
I wasn't scared of people back then, I was actually friendly, but still quiet.


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## stylicho

Some. Sometimes I wish I didn't. I think I had a dark side to me when I was growing up. But I was also good in other ways.


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## talkswithkeyboard

I remember being bullied even in Kindergarten.

And a few too many times being watched taking a leak. :?


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## Meli24R

I remember specific events. Unfortunately, I seem to remember the negative experiences(mostly bullying)the most clearly. I have gaps in my memory too..my childhood kind of seems like one big blur to me now. I think I've blocked a lot of it out.


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## Larkspur

I hardly remember any of my childhood. :|


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## Camille Katrina

I am actually going through and cataloging my childhood memories right now.


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## jijiji

talkswithkeyboard said:


> I remember being bullied even in Kindergarten.
> 
> And a few too many times being watched taking a leak. :?


haha. we tend to remember those experiences

i only remember memories of fear, embarrassment, shame, or guilt. i have always been so sensitive to that stuff


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## lissa530

*I really don't want to! *


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## Pennywise

Yes, I remember it quite well. I was 5-10 years old in the late '90s and early 2000s, and my earliest memories are from being babysat by my grandparents when I was around 3-4. I remember my first crush, which I developed in preschool and which lasted from then all the way until the middle of the 6th grade, when I finally left that school. I remember when we still used VHS and analog cable. I remember Christmas of 2001, when me and my siblings and cousins got the original Xbox, which was a major part of my childhood.

I remember how much I used to love summertime; playing under the fire hydrant (or the fireplug, as we called it), riding bikes, playing tag, etc. I remember that there was a long-abandoned house down the street from my house, which all the kids were convinced was haunted. We would always dare each other to break in and stay the night or whatever (I wouldn't do it).

I remember counting the days until Friday; every weekend I would stay with my grandparents, and they would take me to the video store every Friday to get a movie and a game for the weekend. Also, every weekend the adults would drink in the neighbors' house next door, leaving all the kids alone to play "Blackout" (in which we would basically just turn the lights off and try to cop a feel, under the guise of playing Tag). And I remember a girl from down the street who kissed me in my family's pool when I was 12-13. She moved away the next year, and I've found her on Facebook. I've thought about sending her a friend request, but I'm afraid of coming off as a creep/stalker.

I think 2009 was when "the good ol' days" ended and things started to change. After getting digital cable in early 2009, we stopped going to the video store. In 2010, the video store closed down and became a dollar store. My parents had the house remodeled in the summer of 2009, and now barely even resembles the house where I grew up in. The school I went to for years closed down in 2011 and remains vacant. A lot of the kids I hang out with have moved away, and my parents are now planning to move.

I know you asked more about my memories from ages 5-10, but I decided to go further up to now. And sorry for giving _way_ more information than you probably wanted, but I'm bored and felt like sharing. Let's hope somebody enjoys my little biography!


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## MaxPower

Nope, although I do remember bits-and-pieces.


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## UndreamingAwake

I remember most of it. And I wish I didn't, most of the time.


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## purplerainx3

I have extremely detailed and vivid memories from my childhood days.


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## komorikun

I only remember isolated events and a few trivia until age 9. From around age 9 or 10 the memories are much clearer. Many memories before age 9 I'm almost not sure if they really happened or not. 

I have one weird memory of being age 2-4 and I was having a temper tantrum. So I was crying and hysterical. I remember my parents recording my crying and then playing it back for me to teach me a lesson or something, to see what I sounded like. I asked my dad and he doesn't remember this, so who knows.

Yeah, most of my early memories are kind of creepy. Maybe not all. I remember my kindergarten teacher asking me when the baby was going to be born (my little sister) and I happily told her. This is the same teacher that almost flunked me for refusing to talk to the other little kids. 

When I was 6 my family lived in student housing for married students at this big university where my dad was going to. Sometimes me and this other little girl would go to the regular student housing to mess with the 18-22 year old students. I think one time we ran into a crazy guy. And he chased us while we were running down the hill to get back to the married student housing area. I think there was something wrong with that guy. I kept running and running but my friend froze from fright.

My family moved a lot. We lived in one place when I was 5-6, another when I was 7-8, and finally moved to LA when I was 9. I remember the place in LA but I have no memory of my bedroom or the living room of the places before. I have some memory of the outside of our house when I was 7-8. Cause one time the shrubs caught on fire when we were lighting fireworks. The flames went super high and unfortunately the hose was not working. My dad was pissing his pants hoping it wouldn't spread to the house we were renting. I remember one time one of our cats caught a shrew and it was horrible. It was all bleeding and the cat was playing with it. Horrifying.


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## applesauce5482

There were some pretty dark days, but some awesome days as well. I wish I could go back


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## Brad

Some of it, most of highschool was a blur because of my SA though.


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## Kascheritt

Just some fragments.


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## visualkeirockstar

Yup. Me enjoying my toys my dad always pick up in dumpsters. Yeah we were poor. I enjoyed my childhood because of no responsibility.


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## Diacetylmorphine

I can't really remember anything before 5 (ish) and only small flashes from 5 - 10.


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## Skeletra

I remember bits and pieces. I don't remember chronology, or time itself, though. I just make a mild guess based on what I remember when it comes to height, surroundings and clothes.


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## Suffer Little Children

No. I only remember a few isolated incidents. People have made remarks about my very poor memory before.


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## ttrp

Not much. In fact, I feel oddly disconnected from my past experiences.


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## typemismatch

Very few scattered memories of being a kid - even up to my teenage years. When I hear other people talk about being a kid they bring up all kinds of stuff that I have completely forgotten - like tv programs. I often think this must be because I have such an uneventful life that it means I basically have nothing to remember.


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## Xenidia

I remember some stuff


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## mdiada

From 5-10, I had one friend. Then she moved to a different school district and we lost contact. Almost everything I remember involves her, lol. But yeah, I remember being way more shy than I am now. Like, *painfully* shy. Being picked on over everything, my parents fighting all the time, my sister and I fighting, all the pets we had, my favorite kindergarten teacher and her hawt soldier sons (lol all us girls were in the corner giggling about how cute they were. and we were five years old!!! Lol) I remember my first crush.... Ahhhh I had a crush on him for the longest time, I was so sure, even at that young an age, that I would marry him, lol. I remember so many good and bad things.


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## louiselouisa

yep, I remember I watched michael jackson with my aunt when I was two


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## Nekomata

I remember a lot of things. I'm quite surprised I didn't surpress such memories though, since my childhood wasn't all that great...


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## Joe

Suffer Little Children said:


> No. I only remember a few isolated incidents. People have made remarks about my very poor memory before.


I love your name lol 

As for me I remember quite a bit, I have stronger memories then of my teenage years (because I done nothing) but I guess it'll fade as I get older.


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## Firebird

*Childhood Memories*

I had a difficult upbringing. I am the oldest of 4 boys. My parents divorced when I was 8. We lived in a housing project with my mother who received no support from my father. I remember my early childhood and years up until around the age 13 extremely well. I even remember television shows, actors and actresses, songs, bands, pop culture and many other things. My memories include events, holidays, family, classmates, teachers, friends, pretty much everything. For some reason, I have a very limited memory when it comes to my teenage years. I remember where I lived, went to school and friends but can't remember specific events, teachers or casual acquaintances. I can recall everything after high school but not much between 6th and 12th grade. I never did drugs or suffered any traumatic events but for some reason most of my teenage years are not easy to recall.


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## Marakunda

Do I remember my childhood? 

Just bits and pieces really. Wasn't very eventful, to say the least. My parents split up when I was really young, and since then I feel like my life has just been a blur, passing me by. That's probably why I don't remember too much of it, it wasn't the best childhood, my parents used to constantly argue and even fight. Meh, I'd rather forget most of it.

Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nostalgic about certain things.


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## halfly

I wish. I only have little remnants of memories, but no idea just how distorted they are.


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## Unknown88

I remember it well  my school life sucked (bullied) but my home life was awesome. I have an amazing family and I'll always be glad they looked out for me.


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## Secretaz

It is normal to forget your childhood if it was traumatic and ull of fear and such. Your brain make you forget it so you could live better without thinking about your past every day and getting depressed of it. I don't remember what this thing is called, but i've read about it somewhere.


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## yourfavestoner

I feel like I don't remember as much of my childhood as I should, especially my younger years. Blurry.

Then again, there's so many bad memories there I'm probably repressing a good bit of it.


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## Insider

I don't remember it clearly, but I do remember some parts. I mostly have bad memories.


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## 0589471

I remember too much of my childhood. I feel like my brain is backwards. My parents are astonished I remember things from very early on, mostly starting at three years old. But when it comes to now or in the past couple years, I have trouble remembering things. The worst is right now, if I try to remember something I did earlier on in the day, I'll completely forget. Before I go to the store, if I don't make a list, I'm completely lost. And at work, taking orders from customers, if I don't write it down, I'm constantly asking them to repeat. It's miserable xP


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## Tristeza

jijiji said:


> My childhood was like a dream to me, a huge blur


This is so true for me!


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## mysterioussoul

I can't remember anything in detail, it's all very vague and I only have memories of the bad experiences.


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## burnoutx

I can remember joining pre school at age two, they took me on because I was walking, talking clearly, and was potty/toilet trained. I think I was the youngest there. I remember my first day, my mum took me. I was excited, but once we arrived I was crying and clinging to her legs. :') 

We also moved into a new house when I was two, and my aunt bought me this lovely pink heart shaped helium balloon. I was out in the back garden with it and accidentally let go, I was so gutted.

Then I remember my third birthday, the slide my grandma got me, my birthday cake and blowing out the candles. 

First day of school, age 4, and that's where I remember a lot of things, not just bits. From age 4, I can remember a lot.


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## curiousmemory

Just found this old thread whilst googling why I remember so much. I remember the most mundane normal things from my childhood from age 2 onwards (I'm 30 now and it's all so clear still!) I don't know why. ...I'm had an idilyic childhood with great parenting ... I can remember that my concious thought and inner voice was the one I have now - I remember where I was, how old I was, what I was wearing, how I felt, how it looked and what I was thinking with each memory I can recall from it.... what is this??? I wish I could put it on hold sometimes. It's like a loop. 28 years of memories and information is hard to keep looping all the time. My brain is full by now surely? Wonder if anyone will see this and at least have experienced similar. It's like I have terabytes of stuff saved!


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## curiousmemory

I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2013 - had propranolol for a little bit and then gave up on it because I don't feel like I have anxiety! I'm happy as Larry and love my life and myself!


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## Cletis

I can remember a few things at age four. But I remember the 5-10 age range well. I had friends back then, quite a few, actually. I was an anxious kid. I was bullied in grade school and high school. Middle school wasn't too bad. I was never popular and the girls ignored me for the most part. I was skinny and small. I didn't play organized sports but did play with my neighborhood buddies in the yard. We were fairly well off and I never wanted for any material things. I don't recall having to go without anything. When all my friends started growing and I didn't that was rough. Seemed like everybody was sprouting like a weed but I seemed to stay the same. I was 5' 9" and 120 lbs. at high school graduation. That really bothered me. Girls teased me all through high school. I was so happy to graduate and get out of there!

All in all, my childhood was pretty good.


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## Nonsensical

I try not to think about those times but I do unfortunately remember my childhood fairly well starting from the age of 2 or 3.


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## TenYears

Yes, I remember a lot. I went through regression therapy with my first psychiatrist, and that brought up even more, so yeah, I really remember...too much. Way too much.


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## givinganonion

I remember very little, and there's plenty that I'm unsure about or don't quite trust, since my perspective was affected by SA. I can recall bits and pieces, but often without context and what was particularly said or went on. What comes to mind first would be situations where I was confused, did something awkward, had some kind of conflict or dispute, my daydreams, and my main source of fun: legos. 

I'm especially bad at remembering classes, inside/group memories, and church services from before college. I generally didn't pay attention because these situations were social and my attention would mainly be on myself.


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## tngrn

I would say I remember a significant portion of my childhood. But then again, I grew up during the early-mid 2000s, which wasn't that long ago.


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## lonerroom

Yes, my earliest memories were of my parents screaming at each other, always having to hear fighting and screaming, they didn't have the decency to fight away from me. then they divorced and I got sent to Seattle, all before kindergarten. Then moved back to California to start Kindergarten in a special education school that mixed K all the way to 12th grade. I was put on a school bus full of teenagers who would often get into violent fights, I was a terrfied 5-year-old who watched those things everyday. In first grade my school bus would go to another school to pick up these mentally retarded teenagers. One boy had to be restrained to his eat, and his eyes were always closed, he looked a little like a zombie. He would often bang his head against the windows. I was so scared, I thought he would get me one day, but he never did, and his eyes were always closed. The driver would sometimes say, "No stop that Willy." when he hit his head. He was often covered in his own blood. 

In 2nd grade, it was the same thing. 

In 3rd grade I got moved to a normal elementary school that had no teenagers in it. But sadly I was put into a small class of only 8 kids as it was special ed. (I was put in special ed for being a quiet strange child who drew too many pictures...) 3rd grade I thought things would be better, I thought I would finally make friends and not be scared everyday. But as soon as I was put into the after school daycare, a mean girl named Emily found out I was in the special class and told everyone that I was in the "retarded class" and then since I was the only kid in my class who went to that daycare, I was bullied by every single kid there from every single grade. They would often throw things at me, and they would trip me in line up time, and they would prank me by pretending to be my friend to play a joke. And they never wanted me on their team for P.E. The teacher would have to choose for them. 

4th grade, things got worse, when new kids came to the daycare, the other kids would tell them not to be my friend. On summer break, I was forced to go to the all day day camp held at that daycare. A new boy came and on the field trip to the teddy bear factory, he was being nice to me and I thought I had a new friend, but then Emily came and said "You can't be friends with that retard, or else no one will like you either." then the boy stopped being my friend and left me. Then on Halloween, a bunch of kids ganged up on me with twigs and hit me with them while others threw tanbark at me because my costume was stupid. 

In 5th grade I met a girl, she became my friend, she went to the daycare too, her brother was mean to me like all the others, but not this girl. She said I looked really lonely and then we played stuffed animals together. Her friends all started to not like her for being my friend, and they started to call her names but she stayed my friend, when her mommy came to pick her up from daycare, her brother would say really mean things about me to make her mommy not let us play anymore. She was my only friend ever, until I had to change schools when 5th grade ended and we didn't get to play anymore. 

After 5th grade, I was all alone again, her mommy said we couldn't play anymore because the mommy's new boyfriend didn't like me and his kids went to daycare with us and he didn't want me around his kids because he thought I was a weird child. So I was alone again. And this is one of many reasons I have social anxiety and PTS...


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## twitchy666

*maybe not when I was in the womb*

every home I moved out and into with people. Every school, every person

I expected my final resting place to be here, alone, bought in 2001.

Can't remember any movie; only a vague summary or title, so love rewatching a decade later.

I think my short term memory ( ~ 10 seconds ~)
causes me to be rubbish in live conversation. I could burble on about my life for hours about what happened today, yesterday or back to birth. If a person makes a noise, using their mouth, however loud, all I could remember is equivalently a housefly landed on my skin and flies away. The fly action is 15 billion times more exciting than any human utterance. Dogs' bark is a deep meaningful piece of music to me.

Some speech or sermon, I could listen indefinitely, staring, but could only grasp a notion of one word over several hours but might walk away after 10 seconds of piecing together any syllables not forming any phrase at all. They're eating simultaneously or started intoxicated

If I was given the speech to be read, I'd digest the whole lot before the speaker makes a start

When meeting, after leaving, I come up with large amounts I wanted to say for the rest of the day


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## TryingMara

Yeah, there are a lot of good memories related to friends and school. Bad home stuff sticks out, too. I remember being much more confident, which may sound silly because I was so young. Though anxiety was always present, the self hatred had not manifested yet.


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## SD92

I don't remember much before the age of 4-5. From then on I remember some things like my first day at school and other key events but I can't remember much else.


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## Perspicacious

I wish I couldn't remember anything starting from every single second that passes. I know this sounded silly because if it were to be like this, I wouldn't be a able to realize anything. I'd like to keep my social skills, knowledge, expertise and skills. The rest may rest in oblivion. I simply don't like memorizing events from the past, good ones or bad ones.


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