# Male or Female therapist?



## centrino (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm deciding to go to a therapist. The last therapist (1 session only) who I talked to about my latest depression happened to be a man and I didn't feel comfortable with him because he seemed to not care much about my problem, like he wasn't interested.

I've heard that female therapist are more assertive.

What do you guys think?


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Go with the female. Maybe you'll score a date!!


----------



## VagueResemblance (Apr 17, 2010)

cedward said:


> I've heard that female therapist are more assertive.


They're people like any other people, some will be assertive, some will be gentle to the point of uselessness.

Depression? doesn't matter the gender of the therapist.
Relationship issues? there it might matter, but it's you to decide you'd value the female perspective more than another male's.


----------



## Lonely Hobbit (Aug 31, 2009)

I'm actually in the opposite situation. The last three therapists I went to were all women and all three were crappy. When I look for a therapist again, I'll specifically request a male therapist.



Just Lurking said:


> Go with the female. Maybe you'll score a date!!


:lol


----------



## mrfixit (Jun 25, 2009)

i've never been to therapist but if i ever decide too, i would prefer a female since females are more caring by nature and i hope she's this caring like leonardo dicaprios therapist in this scene in the 'the departed'.


----------



## macaw (Sep 6, 2010)

Initially I wanted to go to a female therapist, but ended up going to a male because he was the only one available.

I've since learned that *gender isn't relevant to how helpful someone can be.*


----------



## VC132 (Sep 1, 2010)

For myself, I preferred a male therapist.

I felt that I was more likely to be honest about my irrational thinking.

Like in high school, my first 2 therapists were female and I never told them certain things that triggered my Social Anxiety(e.g. I was afraid of girls and other stuff) that I would otherwise tell a male therapist.


----------



## popeet (Dec 8, 2005)

I wonder what Leonard DiCaprio's real therapist is like? 

I'm a girl and I've had good and bad female and male therapists. The good female ones were down to earth and frank. I had this one that was just amazing, she was very honest and cool with me. She was good about exploring my internal dynamics in terms of mechanical models. I loved this.

The bad female ones were dismal. They were so distant, so beat around the bushy and almost never were frank. I think I intimidated them a little. One who was extremely helpful as a friend, but as a therapist told me not to go to grad school, but instead get a job working at Barney's. WTF. Was she serious? I was so so pissed off because this woman didn't care how many times I had forgone real work and real goals for some stupid retail job. Sick sick sick.

The male therapists who were just excellent, they just clicked. I can think of three. They were warm, caring, encouraging and constructive. Two were interns and were very very good. TWO of them told me that I made them really nervous and afraid of saying the wrong thing, but they were best therapists I'd had. One told me that my eyes were like intense lasers, lol. I was like "what? I think you're wonderful, I'm just desperate for help, that's why I'm staring at you. I'm listening intently." 

Then I had this *****y male therapist who yelled at me that I'm an elitist. Because at the time, I wanted to go into neuroscience (why is that a problem?), played lots of SimCity (an elitist game apparently!) and didn't like cars. He told me that my goals "sound impressive" and thought I was being grandiose. He also said that "not everyone is cut out" for this or that, and that he wasn't going to be a cardiac surgeon. This person had a serious complex. Of course I believed him at the time and gave up on my goals. A short time later I dropped him and went into a deep depression. 

I also had another insane male therapist who complained about my cleavage, wanted to know why I was dressed so weird (because I was wearing a fedora hat with a scarf tied underneath it-- a traditional style for my culture but he didn't know that I guess) thought I was being grandiose and lying pathologically when I told him what my siblings did for a living. Once when I came in he asked me: "so, how are the doctors?" I was like "what doctors?" I was like WTF. 

And the last female therapist I had was good but very stoic, she didn't like when I had feelings. She was quite divorced from my reality. I appreciate her, but I think she was a bit narcissistic. Not in a malignant way, just... I think she came from a family where image, accomplishment and stoicism were really valued.

In summation, I'd have to say, that, male or female, the best therapists I've had were frank with me, down to earth, and honest about their humanness. The worst ones had huge fragile egos. I hope this helps.


----------



## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

Depends on how attractive she is. If it's a distraction, then sessions won't be constructive. That's not saying I won't open up to her, but it's a matter of honesty. Also, whether or not I open up would be a matter of confidence on that particular day which is the problem I have in general, keeping an even keel. I like being dynamic, but I mistake dynamism for erraticism when my intuition isn't rolling. 

I'd rather be with a companion or escort (or better yet, a friend) than an attractive therapist, haha. She wouldn't be professionally restrained from working on smooth introductions to intimacy either which is important to finishing/polishing/maintaining my personality. If it's left unresolved, then everything else unwinds like a loose knot.

Men are valuable too for the same notion however. They help cultivate the industriousness required to exhibit masculinity, but again, I'd rather be with a coach or trainer instead. A woman who's showing how to be a man isn't optimally in touch enough with her feminine side. She's averaging herself out. Even in intimacy, she'd be showing existentially what women demand, not the internal structure and support of how to supply it.


----------



## Toad Licker (Nov 2, 2007)

I can only use female counselors I don't know why it's been that way since I started seeing them.


----------



## catalinahx (Jun 8, 2010)

I personally prefer female therapists. I get really anxious around males. Part of one of my anxiety quirks.


----------



## mjhea0 (Oct 1, 2009)

I prefer male. I've found it much easier to open up to men than women. I tried seeing one female therapist, but I only went to 1 session. I was really attracted to her and felt inferior. I knew that it would be good to continue seeing her, to work through that issue. But, at the time, I just wanted to focus on the anxiety itself.


----------



## neeko (Aug 9, 2010)

I saw a female therapist when I was a kid but it was a long time ago and honestly it was just a moment ago that I remembered that the therapist was female. At the time though, I was pretty shaken up and just about anyone would have intimidated the crap out of me. But I think she tried, but I wouldn't budge I was kind of shaken at the time.

But, I did see a good therapist for a couple of years, and the therapist was male. I felt fairly comfortable talking to him and he was really great.

These days, I think that it wouldn't matter so much. I think it is just a case by case basis.


----------



## Shizuko (Sep 4, 2010)

catalinahx said:


> I personally prefer female therapists. I get really anxious around males. Part of one of my anxiety quirks.


 Me too


----------



## Giraffe (Sep 7, 2010)

My feelings towards females are less complex than my feelings about males. Accordingly, I listed a slight preference for females when my university was setting me up with a therapist. For most men, it's probably the opposite. All other things being equal, you should probably go for the male.


----------

