# Went to a graduation ceremony



## sslhea (Sep 30, 2005)

I went to my cousin's 8th grade graduation yesterday. I was surprised that the ceremony was on a Mon. evening. 
Thankfully the church was only half full.
It took place in a church. It wasn't a cross shaped church but the dreaded(well for me) half circle shape.

The church was beautiful and spacious but I felt so out in the open and my eyes crashed into alot of other eyes. I did my best to focus on the priest and the graduates but there was alot of acitivity in front of me. Relatives taking pictures,fidgety kids and talkative teenagers. I kept looking down at the floor but I didn't want that to be my only memory of the event. 
I just kept saying to myself, "I'm here to support my cousin." even if I have to shut everyone/everything else out and risk appearing rude.

Although I could manage this seating arrangement now with less paralyzing fear (because I knew I wouldn't be back here in a really long time) I don't think I could go to this church every Sunday. I honestly didn't see how a person with SA( maybe mild SA, but that's pushing it too)could go here either. And if they did, I do so admire their courage and my heart goes out to them. There really is no private corner to hide out unless you stand in front of a pillar. lol

It was a tight knit community. These kids have been to school together since pre-k, 10yrs. I felt good to be a part of this school family for awhile. 

Afterwards, everyone was taking family pictures in the courtyard. So that I didn't overwhelm myself, I focused on my family. It was fun to be around the excitement but kind of sad to see the wistfulness in parent's eyes. I did mess up a little when I told my goddaughter to take her nose out of her fingers before we took their family pictures. :lol 

The best part was going to a buffet afterwards and hearing about all of my little cousin's party plans and summer plans. He is such a great kid with a sharp sense of humor and he's open to hugging. I felt such pride at being able to play a part in helping him become who he is today. This kid used to have such a bad fear of dogs. I used to coach him to be able to walk past his cousin's dog.....(hanging my head) It was my dog who traumatized him by nipping his legs as a toddler)

I feel good about making the commitment to go this event.( Actually, I was decisive 3hrs before the event.) I have had a serious setback and this step is helping me rebuild my confidence. :b 

Congratulations Class of 2006! :banana


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

thats awesome  keep that comitment and you'll improve so much beign used to the situations and such


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## sslhea (Sep 30, 2005)

Thanks for the encouragement Gary!


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## roswell (Feb 4, 2006)

wow! that sounds really great.  

I know how nerve racking it can be to go to an event like that with your family (especially with fidgetty kids running around), but i think it kind of pays off in the end. I'm glad that you were able overcome your own anxiety to be there to support your cousin.

Churches are a pretty difficult place for an SA'er to attend, myself included. My mom likes to actively participate in church, but she pretty much always has to go by herself. Every once in a while i suck it up and go with her so she won't have to sit alone. Usually just on special occasions though. I feel pretty uncomfortable when i'm there.

But like i said it's usually worth it to face something like that in the end. 

It sounds like you're just recovering from a low point so it's good to hear that you are thinking positively! :yes


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## sslhea (Sep 30, 2005)

Thank you roswell!

That is so sweet of you to keep your mom company. I'm sure it makes her very happy. (I hope she doesn't force you to go?)


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## nairam (Jun 9, 2006)

Congratulations semi-stalled...i appreciate you for taking the risk to went to that kind of event just to show your full support to your cousin...


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

That's wonderful, semi-stalled! 
:yay 

It defitnitely sounded like a stressful set-up, especially with the seating arrangements and whatnot, but you got through it. Good for you! That's cool, too, that you are so involved in your cousin's life.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

That is wonderful - Semi-stalled! :boogie :boogie :boogie. You made the decision to do it, and you did it!


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## sslhea (Sep 30, 2005)

Thank you guys for the praise. 
It is such a big accomplishment for me to go to church.
There's a part in the mass where the priest says, "And protect us from all anxiety..."
In the beginning I had hope in that phrase. I'd get really teary eyed because I wanted so desperately to believe that....When my SA spun out of control, that phrase made me incredibly bitter.

I have a better today.

And if I stand in line to get communion that is huge triumph for me as well. I couldn't do that in forever.


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

I'm so happy for you! It's great to be around family and participate in celebrations without fear. This sounds like a big step in many good directions. Congrats to you and your lil' cousin.


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