# Have friends and still feel alone?



## Speratus (Jan 24, 2009)

Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I have friends, and I seem to have the capacity to make them easily enough if I have to, and yet I'm too shy to make friends who I really feel as though I fit with. Despite the fact I have people to hang around with and everything, I still feel horribly alone...


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## PetSMiLE (Oct 17, 2007)

around my friends, I try to be normal, fun guy. but every once in a while I drop the ball and I show a little of what a sniveling little boy I am. tonight was such a night. we were out at a restaurant when some dancer came in to entertain. i was content just watching her, but then she pulled me to the floor. i just couldn't do it, and i had to go back to my seat. i never asked her to dance. why was she pulling me onto the dance floor? she had no right. she could just ask, and i could have said no. but she had to start pulling my arm without asking. everyone else dance though. she was like, "good job everyone, though some were reluctant, WE WON'T MENTION WHO". goddamn bi.tch, i never asked for this. she ruined my night. now i'll probably be avoidant for the next few days, and I'll feel incredibly alone. sorry for the rant, but in short, yes, I do feel incredibly alone even with friends.


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## Pathetic (Dec 4, 2008)

Yes me too. I had and have friends, but the thing is that most of the people and friends are empty for me. All they want is to get drunk, play some poker, to hang out without any purpose, get laid and feel cool doing that. I don't know, but for me this stuff is just empty. Thats why I kinda separated from them. Now I found things that I like and I think have some purpose. But still I feel lonely sometimes.


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## telecaster (Mar 18, 2009)

Absolutely. There's only two people who don't make me feel that way. It's tough because even when I'm hanging out with people and everyone is having a good time, I still can't help but feel like nobody there really connects with me, knows me, or even understands me. Most of my friendships all seem superficial though some of these people have expressed that I'm one of their best friends.

Feeling like an outsider is one of the issues I've had since I was little. No matter what I do it never goes away, so for the past year or so I've just been trying to outwardly ignore it. My friends say I seem less apathetic than I used to so that's good, right?


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## bflygirl (Mar 13, 2009)

Excellent thread. I do not suffer from lack of friends, I lack the ability lately to overcome my SA when in the company of my friends to actually be with them in the RW. When I am with them, the issues causing my SA overtake the enjoyment I feel around my friends. When one on one with someone I do best, the least anxiety. Last year I had an experience with a close friend where my trust was violated, now it's hard for me to open up other friends for fear they will share my issues with others [which is completely different than me sharing them with complete strangers here, ha ha].


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## La_Resistance (Feb 3, 2009)

I've never been to a point where I had no friends. I've always had friends and still do. But it seems that my friend circle is getting shorter by the years and I find myself spending more and more time alone on weekends. It's not because my friends don't wanna be with me, but the other way around. 

My friends are all males and almost all of them I've known for a very long time. There is a group I always hanged out with and they were really really good friends, but they got girlfriends so whenever I was around them they all had their GF and I was feeling kinda left out and was feeling miserable because of that. So I started avoiding them.

Others kinda started going into the clubbing scene, so I stopped hanging out with them. 

Anyways, to answer the question yes I still have friends but feel lonely because I lack female companionship as a friend and girlfriend.


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## downbutnotout (Mar 19, 2009)

La_Resistance said:


> I've never been to a point where I had no friends. I've always had friends and still do. But it seems that my friend circle is getting shorter by the years and I find myself spending more and more time alone on weekends. It's not because my friends don't wanna be with me, but the other way around.
> 
> My friends are all males and almost all of them I've known for a very long time. There is a group I always hanged out with and they were really really good friends, but they got girlfriends so whenever I was around them they all had their GF and I was feeling kinda left out and was feeling miserable because of that. So I started avoiding them.
> 
> ...


That is EXACTLY THE SAME as me!


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## aloss4words (Jul 17, 2007)

PetSMiLE said:


> around my friends, I try to be normal, fun guy. but every once in a while I drop the ball and I show a little of what a sniveling little boy I am. tonight was such a night. we were out at a restaurant when some dancer came in to entertain. i was content just watching her, but then she pulled me to the floor. i just couldn't do it, and i had to go back to my seat. i never asked her to dance. why was she pulling me onto the dance floor? she had no right. she could just ask, and i could have said no. but she had to start pulling my arm without asking. everyone else dance though. she was like, "good job everyone, though some were reluctant, WE WON'T MENTION WHO". goddamn bi.tch, i never asked for this. she ruined my night. now i'll probably be avoidant for the next few days, and I'll feel incredibly alone. sorry for the rant, but in short, yes, I do feel incredibly alone even with friends.


She probably felt like you were rejecting her based on something about her personally. Maybe that made her feel hurt and she wanted to hurt you back. I think it was wrong of her to just assume you wanted to dance with her though. A lot of people make that mistake with SAers.

Yes, I do have people I can call my friends. But I don't hang out with them enough to call them close friends. Therefore, I do feel incredibly lonely.


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## bbarn (Dec 22, 2007)

always, i guess because i haven't built the courage to tell them that I have S.A. Even though they may suspect something about me because i'm not very social in most of our social gatherings. I just don't feel the need to bring it up to them or even talk about it, i guess because i am kind of ashamed by it. I guess that's the reason why i still feel isolated even when i'm with them.


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## J_111 (Jan 23, 2009)

bbarn said:


> always, i guess because i haven't built the courage to tell them that I have S.A. Even though they may suspect something about me because i'm not very social in most of our social gatherings. I just don't feel the need to bring it up to them or even talk about it, i guess because i am kind of ashamed by it. I guess that's the reason why i still feel isolated even when i'm with them.


i feel the same way


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I've found that most of the time when I'm alone I don't feel lonely but when I'm around people I often do. Even when I was hanging out with others all the time or gathering with people I've known for a while. It's strange I suppose, a part of me always feels like an outsider when I with people & that's very lonely


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## roverred (Dec 23, 2007)

Laith said:


> . My friends knew me but no one _knew me_. If that makes sense haha.
> .


I know what you mean. But a few of my friends have gotten to know that me, and I dont feel any closer. Wonder what makes us feel distant.


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## Writer of Fictions (Mar 20, 2009)

telecaster said:


> Absolutely. There's only two people who don't make me feel that way. It's tough because even when I'm hanging out with people and everyone is having a good time, *I still can't help but feel like nobody there really connects with me, knows me, or even understands me. Most of my friendships all seem superficial though some of these people have expressed that I'm one of their best friends.*
> 
> Feeling like an outsider is one of the issues I've had since I was little. No matter what I do it never goes away, so for the past year or so I've just been trying to outwardly ignore it. My friends say I seem less apathetic than I used to so that's good, right?


This is true for me. I mean, I have friends but there really isn't that connection there at all. I've always felt like I just had acquaintances because school forces them onto me. And yay for being less apathetic! That's always a good sign of something or another....


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## Mike25ca (Mar 18, 2009)

Having friends and still being alone...


I ask you, are you confident in what you do for a living? 

Do you enjoy what your studying? Does it spark your interest?

The older I get the more I realize this fact.

We should focus on one thing and do it really well but with proper balance of other areas i.e. social, girls, etc. 

If your not passionate about something than you are not 'fully' expressing yourself through something... We are just 'instruments' that channel vibrations, give off body language etc. 

The expectation that friends will make you feel better is both true and false.. friends are great to chill with, relate feelings, ultimately you are a singularity in the universe. 

If your still feeling alone than I suggest you look at your thought patterns and why you limit your actions and ability to enjoy yourself.



If you get caught up in trying to know a bunch of stuff about everything or pretend to 'fit' in by liking what others like they see right through you... When your passionate and genuine/honest then you act like a magnet and draw people in to your life... now the trick is not to be selfish and self serving... but to be grateful for what you have to offer and what you give to others.... 

People will gladly talk about themselves and their 'passions' and if your interested enough they will help you out.

The real trick....... is to follow your inherent 'value' system... anytime you deny yourself an aspect of life your interested in.... you learn nothing and it serves as anxiety/depression later on because your drawn into these situations and see that whether it's an age thing (I should know more by now) etc.. you give yourself less value = worthlessness. The source of this is all in preconceived ideas possibly by a troubled past... re-enforced un-intentionally. 

(Ya my advice is basically advice id give to myself haha)

Wow.... 

All knowledge is ultimately SELF KNOWLEDGE..... remember that.


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## mebadi (Jul 8, 2010)

yeah. I'm like you. I have of course friends. We had fun. and i have really many friends. We are in my class 8 children. and we 6 are very close to each other. but in the last time i feel very alone. think that they don't want to be with me. and coz this thoughts i loss them all. Right now i have only 2 real friends. Not from the class. in my class are two twins. they embroiled with the girls (they are too in my class). In the last time i have really strange toughts.E.g When i should say a joke i think lots about it (before i say. and when i do this then becomes the joke no more funny) so i behave every time. I think lots abou everythink. I'm like a stupid. fool and idiot. Maybe it only my thoughts and in real im not like that. But this are my emotions. My psychologist sad that i should learn to govern my emotions but i can't do it. It can be the same to you. or not. So i am. And today my class went to the bowling club. One girl asked to come me with but i sad no. I said no, because i can't watch how the twins joke. they joke really good : ))) but i feel not very good when they dont laugh on my jokes. I dno;t say that i am envy, maybe i'm not, but my subconscious  (. And i don't joke good because i think about the jokes too much. but i cant change it. Those are my problems. ))) I like one girl but i don't met her anymore, because i'm like that this time (((. Can help me someone ;(


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## mebadi (Jul 8, 2010)

Oh and there is one more thing. When the twins joke good and the girls laugh on it, then i think that they 5 are very good and they need me not anymore.


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## MrJones (Jul 8, 2010)

I feel alone and weird when I hang out with my friends. I feel so different, it sometimes feel like I'm born on the wrong planet, that my brain doesn't work the same way. And I always think that people hate me, that they hang out with me out of pity... even though people tell me I'm their friend, it always sound strange >.<

Oh, and, the other day, I told someone about my SA. He was very nice to me, and 3 days after he told me it was my fault if my "life sucks" (I don't think it sucks, but whatever)... so clearly, people realy can't understand SA and can't understand me !

And I don't like speaking with more than 1 person... I feel so anxious when more than 1 person is looking at me !


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## EYB (Jun 20, 2010)

When I was younger I had a few friends but as I got older and felt how different I was from the others I separated myself from them-not because they weren't nice or not even because they were doing things I didn't like but because I never knew how to connect with them.

The more I hung out with people the more I saw and felt how different I was. I spent so many years pretending to be something that I wasn't that in the end it got too much and the best I could do was separate myself.

And now I've learnt who I am, what I like and when I decide I want more friends they will be based on me being the real authentic me.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

yes, theme of low self esteem


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## JPcelticfc (Jul 9, 2010)

I feel this way to....
it doesn't help that I'm the embarassing one too (saying something stupid etc) and always get slagged for it. It makes me feel worse and makes me want to avoid these situations even more. There only 1 person I can truly say I could spend a long time with. Unfortunely she lives miles away and I only really see her during uni!!

I'm dreading whats going to happen after uni, as these mates have all settled girlfriends and will ultimely get married/have children etc. and leave me alone as the only single one...


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## More Peace (Jul 8, 2010)

If you feel alone with the people you are with, you need to find new friends you relate to better.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

maybe you just make acquaintances quick. Meeting people can be easy for some. But continually providing presence and socializing and thus strengthening the relationship takes patience, persistence, and a means to relate to the other person on a more human level.


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## wxcwman (Jul 7, 2010)

Speratus said:


> Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I have friends, and I seem to have the capacity to make them easily enough if I have to, and yet I'm too shy to make friends who I really feel as though I fit with. Despite the fact I have people to hang around with and everything, I still feel horribly alone...


 Yep sure do man. I feel like I can hang out with friends and feel ok when I do, but at the end of the day I feel alone. It's almost like im trying to use others to fill a hole within my soul.


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## chromian81 (Sep 14, 2011)

I feel the same way sometimes. Especially now. Most of my friends are or have moved out of town. 

One of my friends started a relationship two years ago, broke up with the guy last month, and has gotten engaged last week. (Yeah, that fast.) 

I have friends on facebook, but when I leave a message to say hello, most of the time, they don't respond. 

Lately I have been feeling like I no longer exist. IF I make new friends, they are just going to treat me the same way my current ones do already, so what's the point?


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## Lets Beat Social Anxiety (Jul 12, 2010)

It's important to find friends you're compatible with. As you grow as a person (or your friends do) you'll naturally head in different directions. With you and your current friends, the best analogy I can think of is you're all at the train station together, but getting onto different trains.

Do you know exactly the sorts of people you want to be friends with? Don't go out of your way to make friends with them. Friendship happens naturally and takes lots of time to develop, it cannot be forced. Try to get in situations where you're with those people because of hobbies. You must have something in common with people you wanna be friends with, so attent some stuff that people with the same interests will be at. Once you're consistently doing that, it's only a matter of time until a conversation starts naturally.


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## Hugz (Oct 30, 2011)

*.....*

so i got friends, alot of them to be honest. I am confident with myself and i get laid if i whant to... But still i feel so lonely. I am looking for a girlfriend but when i meet a girl i just find ways to reject them.... any help please, this sucks.


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## roses6 (Sep 6, 2011)

I do have friends as well, and a few of them have been very close to me over the years. I don't make friends easily but don't have difficulty in doing so either.
Recently though because of other issues I've been distancing them because I just need to be alone.


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## bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Speratus said:


> Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I have friends, and I seem to have the capacity to make them easily enough if I have to, and yet I'm too shy to make friends who I really feel as though I fit with. Despite the fact I have people to hang around with and everything, I still feel horribly alone...


Yepp, I feel like this, particularly recently. I just feel like my friends arnt really like me. Not just because they are confident and like to go drinking etc, but on a deeper level they just seem different.

I have one friend who is quite like me and I do connect with him though. But sadly I only get to see him about twice a year these days.

I do sometimes meet people who I feel I would like to be friends with who seem more 'my kind of people' but I always seem too shy to make friends with them. Its like im more confident around the people who are less like me because I dont really care about them so much, I feel I have less to loose.

When I went to university I made friends with the first group of people I met (they happened to live in my flat). Then about half the way through the year I realized I was nothing like them. So I completely ditched them and made a new group of friends who are better but I still dont think theyre very much like me.

Its weird, I find that the vast majority of people I meet I dont really think are very much like me. But maybe thats how it is for everyone.


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## Grimnir (Jun 10, 2012)

I am 24, I just graduated college last month and am preparing to finally move out of my upper middle class home in 2 months. I have never felt a kindred connection with other people in my social "class", I have never had a problem making friends, I've had to learn how to connect with people the hard way in high school when I got expelled and had to start over. I discovered that we are all more alike than different and you can connect with anyone, but I feel like a wolf who has made connections with a bunch of cats and a few dogs. I don't know how to properly interact with other wolves and whenever I see them it's like I'm caught by surprise because I don't know how to be a wolf. 

That was my analogy for how I feel. I use the term "kindred spirits" to refer to the kind of people I feel isolated from. I think my problem is low self esteem, but I am trying to change that and am having some success. The problem is that I won't really see the changes for many months. I also need to move out of my parents house. They have a toxic influence over me that causes me to feel hopeless, regardless of their good intentions. I hope that when I move out in a couple months and have a better self image that I will feel more confident when I encounter people like me. Right now, whenever I see them, I might make a friendly acquaintance, but I don't feel as though I ever make a true friend, and I think it's because of my low self esteem.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

Yeah I have friends, good ones that I really like. But they don't know about SA. It's just to embarrassing. They just don't understand. You'll just get some generic advice that doesn't help. I'm really down lately though because I'm not doing so well finding a job and I'm broke. I don't want to ask for help... I'm already such a failure. It's killing me.


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## Martinzky (Apr 10, 2012)

Totally understand you man. I was out on town with friends on friday. Then on saturday i went to a friend's beach house where we watched the Euro 2012, we also had some drinks and bbq'ed as well. I feel that any other person would feel accepted and content with a weekend like this. But no, not me.. I felt alone, alone with my thoughts, alone with my misery. It's like the more people I'm with the more alone I feel, because it's just a larger number of people who don't understand me.. I'm trying to learn techniques to live more in the moment, like mindfulness. I've read a lot of places that living in the moment (i.e. not worrying about the past or future) gives a feeling of belonging and togertheness with immediate environment and people, which I truly hope will make me feel less alone.


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## The Sleeping Dragon (Sep 29, 2011)

rweezer36 said:


> I sort of have friends. They occasionally invite me to do stuff, but I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. They're talking about their girlfriends, families, jobs, cars, horrible dubstep, sports stats, sports leagues etc. and I never have anything to add. It feels like I'm a clown who's only there for the occasional comic relief. It's not their fault, I just need different friends who I can relate better to. The crappy part is I don't feel I really have the opportunity in my current situation to make new friends.


This hits home pretty close. Except that I'm content with my friends. Most people say our 'group' is pretty different individual. I think that's kinda awesome. And they all have a good taste in music, movies and games and other stuff I kinda like. But I get the girlfriend, jobs, car and sport talk. I have nothing to contribute most of the time. Most of the time it's about games, which makes me feel I come across as some nerd. And just be the occasional comic relief, just like you said, is pretty much how I feel. I don't have a need to make new friends though. Though maybe I could use some friends who are girls. It's kinda limiting to know only guys. Though I freak out when a girl asks to hang around whither or not they are interested in me romantically. It has happened one time. I was like: "RUNNNNNN". I'm such an idiot when SA kicks in. Which is rarely since I usually avoid.


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## PaulSanders (Feb 26, 2012)

Speratus said:


> Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I have friends, and I seem to have the capacity to make them easily enough if I have to, and yet I'm too shy to make friends who I really feel as though I fit with. Despite the fact I have people to hang around with and everything, I still feel horribly alone...


I used to have this until two things changed in my life :

- A very close friend of mine decided to be a 100% HONEST with everyone. He started talking about his insecurities to everyone, even his mom, dad, girlfriend,... EVERYONE.
- I read the book "Radical Honesty". That book inspired me to open up and share more of my stories with people.

I discovered that a couple of things : 1. People are too concerned about their issues to care about yours. 2. I have a lot more in common with people than I thought.

And most importantly : SHARING MY LIFE WITH PEOPLE LEADS TO A GREAT LIFE.

(includes sharing problems, insecurities, happy events,... etc.)

Cheers
-Paul


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## rios2000 (Dec 4, 2014)

*My best friends are never there*

I have two best friends whom I've known for years and I used to trust completely. 
A few years ago, my girl best friend was diagnosed with limit personality disorder and fell into big depressions from time to time. I have tried to be a friend and be by her side, even if it meant her pushing me away and feeling bad about myself. 
Then, my guy best friend lost his job and felt like crap for months. Once again, I tried to understand and be a good friend. 
In the past weeks I haven't felt really good: I broke up with my boyfriend, I am looking for a job but keep getting rejected, fought with my parents, amongst others. I want both my best friends to be there, but it seems that now that they are doing well, they don't have time to listen to me. Sometimes, I question whether I'm making a big deal of this... but I really want someone to listen, and I find it a little hard to trust just any person. 
I don't know what to do, I feel quite lonely and sometimes want to just send both of them really far away, but then, I appreciate them a lot. I mean, I believe my problems are "normal" (in the sense that some people have it way worse) ... but I still want someone to talk to. 
What is wrong with me?


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## azzy229 (Dec 4, 2014)

Tell me about it. All my friends are at stages of their life where I should feel I should be, so when they talk and do things that I don't, I feel so ashamed and pathetically behind. Of course that just leads to more shame and embarrassment, which leads to dreading social events even with them, and my inability to do more than just socialize. Talk about a never-ending, self destructive cycle. 

However I'd like to think that just by reaching out to a online forum, that's a start in trying to fix the problem. I work to make myself believe that it'll take some time to do that, but it won't last forever either.


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