# How bad is your SA when it comes to opposite sex interactions?



## socal2095 (Oct 31, 2010)

I have really bad SA when it comes to hanging out with guys that I'm attracted to. I know it's common for people to get nervous when being around someone you like, but I tend to avoid them. Never been on a date before either thanks to my SA. 

One of my co-workers asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant with him through facebook. I never really got a chance to get to know him since we worked in different departments, but after I quit we started talking on FB. I agreed, but then the next day I started having anxiety about the thought of just sitting across from him and having a conversation. I ended up making a lame, stupid excuse as to why I didn't want to meet him up for dinner. It wasn't even a date either. Not sure if he was in into me. He said that we just "gonna know each other and that it wasn't really a date". :/ Ouch.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

I have absolutely no problem dealing with women in a professional capacity. No problem discussing work. Or even if they ask me for directions, or some other kind of info, etc., basically when there is no socialization involved.

Apart from that, I'd never even casually greet a woman (hi, hello, etc.) I might have known for years. They may or may not respond at best, depending upon what's on their mind, which I have no clue about. And at worst, they'll look at you like you're some creep trying to assault them.

I don't need that. No thanks. If they want something they can come up and ask.


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

I am way worse with females. But then with anyone once I get to know them or more they get to know me. I am fine. The amount of awkward moments I have created because of this little issue. But it is on my to do list. With a lot of other things


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Not too bad anymore. I am no good at flirting, but I can hold a conversation with any girl, no matter how attracted I may be to her.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

completely shut down


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## Syncsolo (Oct 26, 2010)

I don't interact with either gender much if I can help it, but I feel more comfortable speaking casually with females, not that' that ever really happens. As for ones I am attracted to, forget it! :hide I just freeze up and don't say a word.


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## LucasM (Dec 2, 2010)

What is this 'female' you all speak of?


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

I feel like the most pathetic person on the face of the planet when it comes to interacting with girls, especially ones I find attractive. I actually go out of my way to avoid them so I don't have to deal with the embarrassment and anxiety. It's a rather bad combination when you're straight.


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## Dub16 (Feb 28, 2010)

I'm ok with the lads. My SA still flares up, but its not so bad.

But put me in front of a girl and its a different story.

I was out a few weeks ago and this really nice and cute girl came up to me and said "i think you're really spicey". She had a lovely smile and seemed really nice.
My immediate reaction was to run away. 

I even got nervy around my ex-girlfriend and we had spent 7 years together. Its horrible. And illogical.

I've spent some time with someone off this site lately and we're getting on great.
But STILL i feel a bit nervous around her.
(and no, its not because of her silly farmers accent). haha

To the OP, theres really not a lot you can do. Just try to be yourself and if he doesnt get it then move on.

You could fool yerself by trying to hide it for years (like i did). OR you could just be yerself. At some stage you will meet a guy who you really love and you'll have to open up and tell him.

If hes the right guy then he will understand and try to get to know more about your "problem".
The guy who takes the time to do that is the right guy. In the meantime dont stress.

Best of luck and happy Crimbo.


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

Completely avoid contact with any girls that I find attractive. If I' am approached by a pretty girl I'll make the conversation as short as possible. If I'm lucky and there far off I'll walk away to somewhere I know I can hide haha

Although if I'm attracted to someone that I know I have no chance with, things are a little less awkward and I can manage to make some conversation. But this rarely happens.


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## SilentOutcast (Oct 26, 2010)

socal2095 said:


> I have really bad SA when it comes to hanging out with guys that I'm attracted to. I know it's common for people to get nervous when being around someone you like, but I tend to avoid them. Never been on a date before either thanks to my SA.
> 
> One of my co-workers asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant with him through facebook. I never really got a chance to get to know him since we worked in different departments, but after I quit we started talking on FB. I agreed, but then the next day I started having anxiety about the thought of just sitting across from him and having a conversation. I ended up making a lame, stupid excuse as to why I didn't want to meet him up for dinner. It wasn't even a date either. Not sure if he was in into me. He said that we just "gonna know each other and that it wasn't really a date". :/ Ouch.


I feel the same way, I just make up excuses to my self why I cant date someone. You think you need to have some kind of perfect conversation with this person or you will get rejected. You just don't know this person well enough yet to be comfortable.

So why not meet up with him in a group of people you are comfortable with. Your focus will not be completely one on one, and will help increase your comfort level around him. It will be much easier to start dating once you are more comfortable around them.


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## socal2095 (Oct 31, 2010)

Futures said:


> I feel like the most pathetic person on the face of the planet when it comes to interacting with girls, especially ones I find attractive. I actually go out of my way to avoid them so I don't have to deal with the embarrassment and anxiety. It's a rather bad combination when you're straight.


That's how I was when I was in high school and college. Now that I'm 25 and working with older people, I'm expected to make small talk with my co-workers, and greet everyone. I need to let go of my fears from high school and college. Teenage boys and guys in their early 20's can be very immature when it comes to socializing with people.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

I'm really nervous around the opposite sex, whether or not I'm attracted. As soon as a guy walks into the room I often get all flushed and red and my confidence plummets. I guess I haven't spent enough time around them. Growing up I never had any male friends. I feel like men are aliens, and I have no clue how to interact with them. It's a shame.


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## marielabete (Dec 14, 2010)

Ha, I can't stand being alone with a guy in the same room! I just jolt out there. So um, that bad?


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I'm fine with them as coworkers and acquaintances. But when I want to be friends with them, I'm overcome with the fear that they will be creeped out by me or think that I secretly have a crush on them. When I want to date them, I think they wouldn't be interested so I don't try.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

My SA is at its worst around women im attracted to, i suddenly become ultra self-concious about every single thing about me, everything im saying......etc, im terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing.....as others have said, i also go out of my way not to approach women :|


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Better than it was, but I still manage to fluff it up des temps en temps!


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## socal2095 (Oct 31, 2010)

I think the reason why I do avoid men, is because I don't want them to think that I have a crush on them. Again this stems back to my high school experience.


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## Judith (Sep 27, 2008)

I feel way more comfortable around guys actually, even hot ones. I feel like girls aren't as accepting of my "uniqueness" in general.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Dealing with woman is where my SA lies. I am so bad with talking to girls who I know are single and therefore in my mind at least, judging my every move lol.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I'm poor at conversing in general but with the opposite sex there's the element of flirting even if it's just friendly banter not meant to lead to anything & flirting as a skill is nonexistent in my repertoire. My SA is pretty high around gals so I avoid them often


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## Stantheman (Oct 11, 2010)

Pretty bad.. Just yesterday I went into the liquor store, and I seen that there were 3 cashiers working, and all 3 of them happened to be VERY attractive young girls about my age.. I turned and walked right back out the door, drove across town and bought my beer from a 60 something year old bald man...

I cant even do the:
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Is that everything"
"Yes"
with a good looking girl at a til.. Id say theres not much hope for me.


Tho actually, if the girl is unattractive to me, Im actually pretty confident and normal.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

its the worst if there's an attractive girl and i want to make her like me. but generally speaking, i would say my SA is the same for both sexes. like someone else said, if there's an attractive girl but she is married or something, so i know i haven't any chance, then my SA drops to normal levels. it used to be that i had more SA around girls, like when i was in school all my friends were male. but i think as ive gotten older, my SA has gotten worse around guys.


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## Brightpaperwarewolf (Oct 16, 2008)

Very bad! I get pretty nervous, especially if they are attractive. The more I like someone, the more I try to not seem interested but inside I wish I could get to know her.


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## goldendaze (Dec 26, 2010)

i am so bad with the opposite sex. i assume every time i meet a guy thats attractive, even if im not attracted to him, there is this looming idea that i have to flirt with him or something. i dont know, i cant explain it well. but i nip any chance of attraction in the bud. i act as *****y and aloof and uninterested as possible. i dont know why. 

even with my guy friends that ive had for a while, i STILL get that way.


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## uhhhbrandon (Dec 21, 2010)

I'm a cashier, so I have women I am attracted to coming by all the time. I always just try to get them out as fast as possible. lol


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## HeyGuys (Sep 5, 2010)

I never have interactions with the opposite sex, so i have no idea


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## house bound (Dec 13, 2010)

every girl i had left me for someone else cause im too quiet i dont bother trying now cause i know exactly what would happen


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## Cyber Lume (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm terrible around men. Especially the ones who look interested. I end up casually (and sometimes not-so-casually XD) hiding in the clothes section at a store, walking into different aisles, hiding behind other customers. "Hmm, I need peanut butter today." *notices guy looking a little too long* "What was I saying? Oh yes, rice. I need more rice today." *escape*

And when I've been hit on, my mind goes blank. My face apparently is a bad sign, though. I don't know, I don't even realize what's going on with my face at that point. Usually their apologies snap me out of my weird funk. 

The only guys I do okay around are the ones who appear to be really shy.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

I can handle short conversations, and I have met some girls before. Yet, I dread long car trips and weeks after weeks of having to come up with new things to talk about and keeping things interesting.


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## amandamariec23 (Dec 29, 2010)

If I really like the guy then I get so nervous that I honestly can't text them or talk on the phone without feeling sick. With my friends who are girls if I haven't seen them for awhile I get really nervous too. Id have to say guys I'm interested in make me more nervous then anybody.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

At its worst. I guess the internet is the only place I can hold a decent conversation with any member of the opposite sex. In real life I overthink and worry and try desperately hard to be funny the whole time. Well, I mean, I do that online, too, just less so.


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## Cyrus (Oct 25, 2009)

Don't really have any problems.


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

I am bad with both sexes, but more so with girls, even if I am not attracted to them. I have led a life of mainly isolation and I have never had a friend that was a girl or even had a girlfriend. I get nervous around guys whenever they talk about sex, which they always do, because I really don't have much experience in that area. I guess I feel they will mock me. But with girls, I just simply haven't had much exposure to them. I didn't date in highschool, and the line of work that I am in is composed of purely males. So for my whole life, my main social interaction with people has been with males and not females.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

I go into hiding, so these so called interactions don't even register on the scale...


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

I guess it depends on the girl. With some girls I just feel like the same social retard as I do when I'm around people in general. While with other girls I get a bit more anxious.


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## ronniejamesdio (Dec 30, 2010)

As bad as it can get. I feel like breaking my chains when the girl is not around whom i find attracting. Think about it, you like a girl but you limit your behaviour in front of her and she thinks you're a boring person. Indeed i am boring but not as much as i look like. A knotted situation.


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## CynicalOptimist (Dec 31, 2010)

Ugh...I feel your pain! It can be so hard when I am forced to socialize face to face with men sometimes. Especially the really good -looking, confident ones. So intimidating! If I have to talk to them I get so nervous and start talking all fast and stuttering....so embarassing! It's even worse if I expect that men may be checking me out. I get all nervous and my body temp rises and I start to sweat sometimes, and I just feel so awkward and like I can't just be natural. I'm so scared I might do something that will look stupid in front of them and have them become all turned off from me, or that they'll realize I was not all that hot after all and move on. LOL. It might kind sound of paranoid and/or pathetic, but that's how it is most of the time with me. Unless it's one of those days where I seem to be lucky enough to have a burst of confidence to ignore all that anxiety.


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## Kakaka (Apr 7, 2010)

I am much, much worse around _attractive _women. Actually, it's probably my main cause of SA followed by public speaking. I'm aware most guys get this to some degree but with me it's almost as though I become a different person.

When I get on a train/bus I avoid sitting by cute girls simply because I know will feel horrifically self conscious for the whole journey. Whereas if I'm sat by some old bald guy I can just relax and not care about anything. Yeah, I know that doesn't do me any favours.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

My anxiety around girls is THROUGH THE ROOF. Not surprisingly, I've never had a girlfriend, a female friend, or even a meaningful conversation with a girl.

If a girl suddenly appears and looks at me or comes to talk to me, my knees often will physically start to buckle.

I am always afraid that anything I do or say to a her will be considered offensive to her and she will shatter into a million pieces. If I'm sitting next to a girl on the train, I am nervous even to move my leg because she will think I'm trying to move closer to her and touch her.

Whenever I have had any kind of interaction with a girl, no matter how mundane or short, I will ruminate on it for a long time, analysing every aspect of it to see if it was 'okay', almost as if I'm on my knees asking the universe, "Ape do good?" If I said something nonsensical to the her (which I usually do), I will beat myself up for hours.

I don't know why females have such power over my stupid brain. :|


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## OtherGlove (Dec 28, 2010)

I'm actually much better around most women. I trust them a lot more than men. Aggressive women can be a little intimidating, but even then they're agressive because they are interested.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

I can handle conversations with guys as long as I don't have to talk about myself much. Physical attractiveness isn't nearly as intimidating as being extroverted.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Wouldn't know. Don't have enough interactions to tell.


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

When it comes to meeting new girls I always think that she would be creeped out or wouldn't want to talk to me, so I never try. Negative self thoughts just prevent me from ever going in first =[


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

It's about the same but sometimes it does depend on my confidence level(especially about my looks) if I'm really down on myself an attractive lady can be more intimidating


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## Graye (Jan 21, 2009)

Extremely bad... until I actually start talking to them. After that, I'm fairly confident and I treat them like anyone else.

For some reason, many ladies get extremely comfortable around me, and have no problem confiding in me. Unfortunately, that means they also dump their issues on me and reveal way too much.

Just yesterday, a coworker I'm not extremely close with told me her boyfriend's cheated on her twice. Another one told me she just went around telling people she had a boyfriend, but they were in fact broken up, and there was someone else. The best one had to be the one who told me she tried OD'ing twice. Like, personal much? I barely know you...


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

Oh yeah, I get wicked nervous around girls. :\ Much easier for me to socialize with guys.


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## Lesic67 (Dec 13, 2010)

Im awful around males, and I have been for years, since the beginning of high school. ESPECIALLY if they are attractive and around my age. I assume they are scrutinizing my every move, and I dont know how to act around them. They intimidate the hell out of me. Dating is terrifying to me because it means that someone will get to know me, which scares the **** out of me. Its annoying, because guys tend to be interested in me, but I tend to act so nervous and strange around them they end up giving up. Happened many times. really frustrating.


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## FakeFur (Nov 4, 2009)

I'm terrible with guys. There have been guys who are interested in me. I always end pushing them away though, whether it's by being too scared to do anything, being confusing and hard to read, or truly not knowing what I'm supposed to do because of my lack of certain social skills.

I hate it because I do get opportunities to probably date someone, but I _always_ mess it up. I have yet to ever get a boyfriend or even go on a date.


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## kerosene (Oct 26, 2010)

Yesyesyes. I've had relationships and sex partners but a lot of times when I'm unhappy in a relationship or single I don't do anything because it's way too much effort to fight the anxiety. So i'm not really unhappy but it has held me back a lot in terms of expressing who I like.


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## i a (Jan 5, 2011)

Very bad.

Whenever people come close I push away. It is worse with the opposite sex.


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## vegetarian (Dec 30, 2010)

This is actually where my SA usually goes away quite a bit. I feel so much more comfortable around the opposite sex which is why I tend to have more guys for friends. Talking to guys and hangin out with them just comes more naturally.


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## CandySays (Apr 6, 2008)

socal2095 said:


> I think the reason why I do avoid men, is because I don't want them to think that I have a crush on them. Again this stems back to my high school experience.


This ^. I feel like guys will be repulsed or offended if they even think I like them, so I tend to be more evasive.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

In terms of being friends, I'm a little less awkward around women for some reason.

But 'romantically' with women is probably when I'm at my worst. Do the same things that pleatherboots is talking about. Plus I HATE the feeling of being vulnerable and letting someone who doesnt like you know that you like them..and I assume everyones in that 'not interested' group


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I can talk to women I don't know better than I used to but I would not say I am too comfortable with it yet.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

My anxiety is at it's worst when I'm around men especially if it is a guy that I'm attracted to.


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## DoveAgain (May 22, 2010)

I have SA around both guys and girls but it's probably worse with guys. I have so little experience talking to guys that I just don't know how to act or what to say. I feel like I have to be this playful and happy person whenever a guy talks to me (the rare times that they do), but that's just not who I am. I don't know how to flirt or joke around. I also have SA with guys I'm not attracted to and it's worse if they seem intelligent. I just don't want to speak at all when I'm in front of one.


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## candy24 (Jan 3, 2011)

Actually its not that bad with the opposite sex, its the other way around. But I can't Really put my finger on why my SA gets bad when I'm around other girls. Some of it I know is because imo I feel like they're judging EVERYTHING about me from my physical appearance to my posture/body language to my voice. Sometimes I feel like i they can even see & read my shy personality.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

When it's just friends, or a coworker or family member it's the same SA as with girls.
With dating, it goes up a bit, but it has more to do with me thinking I may not be looking nice and I wonder what they think of me in general. Self-conscious type crap lol.


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## That guy over there (Jan 18, 2011)

I feel more comfortable talking to guys than girls. If its a pretty girl then thats when it gets bad and I try to avoid them otherwise I risk looking a total prat in front of them


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

My SA is at it's worst when I try to interact with men.


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

Not as bad as it used to be. Now it's about equal with males/females. My only problem is I don't know how to initiate any sort of relationship with females (like asking for phone number, dating, etc.)

Don't put the opposite sex on a pedestal. I think I did that (and still catch myself doing it sometimes) and that's what caused so much anxiety around girls. I would start to feel inferior to them and not feel worthy of their time. We're all human believe it or not.


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