# 40 Years OLD and Alone



## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

I am always alone. I never had a girlfriend. Women were never interested in me. I would get turned down when I asked a woman out on a date. They would humiliate me or become hostile. Female friends turned into enemies. Many good friendships were destroyed this way. Lowering my standards was no different. Even ugly women would turn me down to my surprise. Women disappoint me. I am sad that no one was a match. These experiences have turned me into more than a misogynist; I am a misanthrope. I hate alpha males and I despise beautiful women. They are all shallow and materialistic. 

I tried everything to improve myself. I did research books in the library, I read online forums, I tried to be bolder and more sociable, I tried online dating and even speed dating. Nothing worked. Despite being very unlucky, I had high self esteem in my late 20's and early 30's. I was told on few occasions that I was a handsome man. I really believed that for a time. I could never figure out why women my age would not agree. They always found me to be boring and unattractive. Sometimes they would ignore me completely. It hurts me to think about this. It hurts me more to know that my parents will never be grandparents. In my youth I desired many women whom I could never be the man of their dreams. Girls never in a million years would fight over me. How I still envy the popular men. What is their secret? What is an unfortunate man like myself to do? I prayed to every god for help. None responded. 

I have forced myself to accept that I am better off alone. Relationships would not work for me as evidenced by my short list of friends. 

I have only one suggestion for all of you who are like me: get a pet. This helps tremendously. It feels good to have someone who appreciates you even if it is only for food.


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## JohnDoe26 (Jun 6, 2012)

Esp1138 said:


> I am always alone. I never had a girlfriend. Women were never interested in me. I would get turned down when I asked a woman out on a date. They would humiliate me or become hostile. Female friends turned into enemies. Many good friendships were destroyed this way. Lowering my standards was no different. Even ugly women would turn me down to my surprise. Women disappoint me. I am sad that no one was a match. These experiences have turned me into more than a misogynist; I am a misanthrope. I hate alpha males and I despise beautiful women. They are all shallow and materialistic.
> 
> I tried everything to improve myself. I did research books in the library, I read online forums, I tried to be bolder and more sociable, I tried online dating and even speed dating. Nothing worked. Despite being very unlucky, I had high self esteem in my late 20's and early 30's. I was told on few occasions that I was a handsome man. I really believed that for a time. I could never figure out why women my age would not agree. They always found me to be boring and unattractive. Sometimes they would ignore me completely. It hurts me to think about this. It hurts me more to know that my parents will never be grandparents. In my youth I desired many women whom I could never be the man of their dreams. Girls never in a million years would fight over me. How I still envy the popular men. What is their secret? What is an unfortunate man like myself to do? I prayed to every god for help. None responded.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear about your experiences. I'm in my 30s with no friends and have never been in a serious relationship, either. I've come to the same conclusion that it just isn't for me. I'm not sure if I even want friends if given the chance, and I mean that in the most kindest way possible (I have no feelings of animosity toward anyone). I just don't click with the majority of people.

Another advice I would add is to find a hobby, an ideology, or a religion. Something that will take you out of yourself; something greater than yourself you can give yourself to. I find that in my case that helps immensely.

Welcome to the forum btw, hope you stick around and contribute to some of the discussions around here.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Esp1138 said:


> I am always alone. I never had a girlfriend. Women were never interested in me. I would get turned down when I asked a woman out on a date. They would humiliate me or become hostile. Female friends turned into enemies. Many good friendships were destroyed this way. Lowering my standards was no different. Even ugly women would turn me down to my surprise. Women disappoint me. I am sad that no one was a match. These experiences have turned me into more than a misogynist; I am a misanthrope. I hate alpha males and I despise beautiful women. They are all shallow and materialistic.
> 
> I tried everything to improve myself. I did research books in the library, I read online forums, I tried to be bolder and more sociable, I tried online dating and even speed dating. Nothing worked. Despite being very unlucky, I had high self esteem in my late 20's and early 30's. I was told on few occasions that I was a handsome man. I really believed that for a time. I could never figure out why women my age would not agree. They always found me to be boring and unattractive. Sometimes they would ignore me completely. It hurts me to think about this. It hurts me more to know that my parents will never be grandparents. In my youth I desired many women whom I could never be the man of their dreams. Girls never in a million years would fight over me. How I still envy the popular men. What is their secret? What is an unfortunate man like myself to do? I prayed to every god for help. None responded.
> 
> ...


ESP1138.

Welcome - and happy 40th birthday! :yay :clap :hb :clap :yay

I turn 41 next Monday.

It's hard not to have this mindset at our age, but I am breaking it. I have come to realize that a good number of people presently in relationships have issues that we cannot see.....within themselves and in their relationships.

The day will come when we are in our own relationships. The difference is that we will take them a whole heck of a lot more seriously than many....and they would have broken up/divorced a few times!


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Move to another country. Problem solved. 

I hear stories like yours all the time. The world is full of women. Women in different countries have different preferences. If you have a job, any job you're automatically a good catch somewhere. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Welcome :hs

Experienced some of that so I understand. Channeling your frustration into hobbies and finding something to be passionate about is important. You're right about getting a pet. Pets are hobbies and they do offer quite a bit of companionship, so they can make a positive difference.


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH for the warmest welcome. Long distance electronic forums really are better than the real world.

You all give great ideas. My hobby is art and photography. And my best friend did tell me the same thing about moving to a far away place. Women seem friendlier elsewhere except the USA.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but how do you feel about men? Are you at all attracted to them?


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

I am not sexually attracted to men. To answer your question Path0gen, I think the most beautiful man was Christopher Reeve. He is my super hero.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

Welcome to the family, brother. You sound like a great guy, and I feel your pain. Just know that countless other men share your frustration and struggle. In the words of Tupac Shakur, "There's a million mother****ers stressing just like me; Only God can judge me, only God."


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

By the way, never apologize for being an alleged "misogynist" or "misanthrope." Do the people who make these sorts of judgments about you pay your bills, cook your meals or do anything at all to better your life? Nope. Hell, do they even pay their own bills, LOL? Moreover, are they even slightly aware of the experiences that triggered these emotions in you? Probably not. Instead they live in a bubble of presumption. 

Look, I get called all sorts of names by my many haters (who by way pale in number compared to my fans) -- "racist," "sexist," "bigot," "Islamophobe," etc., but I never it bother me. Be proud of yourself, and rep what you believe. WOOT!


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Esp1138 said:


> *I prayed to every god for help. None responded.*
> 
> I have forced myself to accept that I am better off alone. Relationships would not work for me as evidenced by my short list of friends.
> 
> I have only one suggestion for all of you who are like me: get a pet. This helps tremendously. It feels good to have someone who appreciates you even if it is only for food.


ROFL! That part was hilarious. Oh man.. The tears I just cried.. Lol..

Short list of friends? At least you have a list lmao. I have no friends. I have reached the point of no return. I'm a misanthrope. I find pleasure and humor in my pain and others who suffer like us. Everything is futile. I commend you my good sir for accepting this truth.

As you mentioned it is best for men like us to forget about women and live our lives contently surrounded by nature, animals and filled with hobbies. We will still live miserably as society will still deem us weird, kisses virgin beta males.. Because we are the opposite of "normal" or "alpha" males. But who cares. We live and then we die.. At least enjoy something before the unfortunate happens. I mean come on!! Have you not seen Sony E3 event. Lol..

Oh yeah! I hope you make it to Wraith my master. You are a true Wizard.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

Same here. Welcome to the dateless older club. I hear you about a short list of friends. Now I have none again. it's not just having a friend or two, women want someone who is popular and has social influence or something special everywhere they go. I've heard about happierabroad.com ; but it also seems like a bunch of scams as well as fake members from ghana on those online dating sites. As fellow disenfranchised nerds, I think we all know 1138 is from Lucas' thx1138. "-> thx sound " sometimes I think those old THX movie ads with the flying robot should have showed scenes from the movie like the naked black lady dancing to show what a nihilistic and lucas acid-trip movie "thx" really came from.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

> By the way, never apologize for being an alleged "misogynist" or "misanthrope."


It's not alleged, he admitted to thinking this way. Do you even know what these words mean? Arbitrary hatred of women isn't a good thing, in any context. Especially when you're trying to be with one.


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## hopelesslife (Jun 19, 2016)

I dont know its wrong or right, you are from USA there are lots of women who want US Visa or citizenship and many of them are very beautiful .this one model i think her name was denise milani she married some oldman to get her way to USA . maybe you too can find some nice girl.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

One thing here - the mindset that alpha males and beautiful women are "all" shallow and materialistic. That isn't true. I suppose it's natural to think that those enjoying life and having fun are just shallow, but we are not, and therefore better than them. But given the chance, how many of us would jump to that so-called shallowness if we could? The reality is they are having fun, we're not. That fun may be classified as shallow, but it's part of life, you don't have to be in deep mode all the time, and doesn't mean they are shallow period.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

Have you always lived in Los Angeles? I suspect a good part of this problem is regional. Considering gender relations in a general sense has taken a big dive in the past couple decades, I guess that's a moot point.


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

@ilsr: 1138 is a reference to THX. @hopelesslife: Holy cow! Denise Milani is one of my favorite models. @caveman8: Perhaps not everyone can be classified as shallow. But if they really are not, then why don't they accept us as friends? @DarrellLicht: I did live in Mexico for 2 years of my childhood. They were the best years of my life.


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## ShhBrad (Apr 23, 2013)

I'm in a similar position as OP and others that I've seen on here, but I do see things differently. First of all, I should mention that to my knowledge, I don't have social anxiety whatsoever. I signed up on here specifically for relationship issues. I've had 2-3 girlfriends in my life, the longest relationship being 11 months and was a fluke. We lasted that long based on the fact that she was a genuinely sweet and patient woman. Most of my whateverships last about 6 weeks. Women usually in love with me very quickly, and then basically as soon as I've gotten comfortable enough to open up to them and reciprocate lovey-dovey feelings, they change their minds and dump me. Often refusing to even by my friend. I chase women because women NEVER naturally notice me or pay any attention to me. Many couples meet in innocuous ways during everyday events like school, a visit to the park or library, work...but not me. None of the women I've ever come into contact with in any of these places have ever expressed any interest in me.

However, unlike OP and many others on here, I'm not giving up. I'm turning 32 this year and I'll keep going until the last day of my life if I have to. I do get laid. Sporadic and rarely lasts longer than a few weeks or months, but I end up with women. How do I do it? Numbers. 

After 10 years on dating sites, despite hooking up with a fair number of women in that time, I've come to the conclusion that dating sites are just awful. They are NOT HELPING you with the social skills you're (and I) obviously lacking...and that's probably what's causing our problem to begin with. Sure, my problem is a little different. While I can usually GET women, I just can't KEEP them. The reason this is so important is because I used to not be able to get them. I was too shy to even talk to women. I changed that. Use dating sites as a supplement if you want, but the only thing that will help fix your issues with women is getting out there and meeting women! That's it. The more women you meet, the more you'll see what works, what doesn't, and that while women may sometimes seem angry, annoyed, *****y, etc. at first glace, they're often sweet and patient if you actually smile and talk to them, rather than stare at them blankly, trying to gauge what they're thinking about you.

OP and anyone else struggling with women (like I still am, looking for love) get your butts out in the real world, and approach and talk to women. Ask them for their phone numbers, ask them out. The way people have always done it. That's the only way to develop the skills you're lacking. By doing it. Go out and meet 1,000 women. One thousand. Then post your findings on here. By the end, your life will have changed and you'll probably not even be single anymore.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

ShhBrad said:


> First of all, I should mention that to my knowledge, *I don't have social anxiety whatsoever. *I signed up on here specifically for relationship issues.
> 
> OP and anyone else struggling with women (like I still am, looking for love) *get your butts out in the real world*, and approach and talk to women. Ask them for their phone numbers, ask them out. The way people have always done it.That's the only way to develop the skills you're lacking. By doing it. *Go out and meet 1,000 women. One thousand.* Then post your findings on here. By the end, your life will have changed and you'll probably not even be single anymore.


You're on the wrong site m8.


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## ShhBrad (Apr 23, 2013)

Nope, don't think so.


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## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

most likely more common than we think


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

JohnDoe26 said:


> Sorry to hear about your experiences. I'm in my 30s with no friends and have never been in a serious relationship, either. I've come to the same conclusion that it just isn't for me. I'm not sure if I even want friends if given the chance, and I mean that in the most kindest way possible (I have no feelings of animosity toward anyone). I just don't click with the majority of people.
> 
> Another advice I would add is to find a hobby, an ideology, or a religion. Something that will take you out of yourself; something greater than yourself you can give yourself to. I find that in my case that helps immensely.
> 
> Welcome to the forum btw, hope you stick around and contribute to some of the discussions around here.


Jeez! attending church every Sunday might be a realistic way to meet. Just looking at a stranger can be effective. I do this on a train and have a chat

Forces of nature

I got birthday cards from nieces, sis-in-law but widow: "Don't forget - life begins ay 40" who might have said that when we met at pub but I have a big problem understanding human speech

Dad's funeral happened on my 40th birthday, this month.


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

@twitchy666: I am sorry that your father died on your birthday. Mine died seven years ago, one week after his 60th birthday.

Perhaps it is true that 40 is not the end. Just the same way that 60 is not old anymore given that those people are still working now.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Esp1138 said:


> Women seem friendlier elsewhere except the USA.


It can't hurt to travel and experience other countries and cultures. If you're traveling alone, you can get to know someone online and then go and visit them. Of course you should be very careful and take all precautions.

There are far too many women in the world for you to be alone.


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## nun (Aug 24, 2016)

Quite obviously, both the beautiful and ugly women can easily feel op's resentment against them, no? Why on earth would a woman want to go out with a man who hates her, either American or overseas, unless she has absolutely no respect for herself, and would accept any men as they come along? 

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

@AngelClare: I am always thinking the same thing. How can people like myself feel alone in a world full of people. We just do not fit in with normal people. @nun: Of course with my negative attitude no one wants to be near me. I wish to have a relationship with a normal woman yet I cannot. I am in a catch 22.


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## societe anonyme (Dec 12, 2009)

I'll soon be joining the '40 years old but never had a real relationship' club. It's a not good place to be, because I think of the things I miss out on. 

For all the platitudes flung my way of there being plenty of women out there (20 years worth now and counting; sigh!), finding one who will click is difficult because I'm eccentric yet bland, don't actively seek out social activity and would want a relationship with someone who DIDN'T want a hectic social life. Women who want eccentricity and a quiet life from a relationship are, I suspect, few and far between...


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## Esp1138 (Jun 13, 2016)

societe anonyme said:


> I'll soon be joining the '40 years old but never had a real relationship' club. It's a not good place to be, because I think of the things I miss out on.
> 
> For all the platitudes flung my way of there being plenty of women out there (20 years worth now and counting; sigh!), finding one who will click is difficult because I'm eccentric yet bland, don't actively seek out social activity and would want a relationship with someone who DIDN'T want a hectic social life. Women who want eccentricity and a quiet life from a relationship are, I suspect, few and far between...


I very much agree. How do social outcasts like us find a match? Quite impossible. I am living proof.


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