# The cute ones



## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

are all taken
or complete douches,
yes?


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## DyingInTheOutside (Sep 26, 2010)

Hmmm, are we talking about guys here? Being a guy myself I think there are plenty of attractive (by cute do you mean attractive?) guys out there who are also great human beings. Alot of them may just not stand out because they aren't cocky, at least that's how I see it.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

Or they're gay right?


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

bignate said:


> Or they're gay right?


From my experience, they're straight.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

I'm confused on what "Cute" defines.


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## Typical Guy (Mar 30, 2009)

They're out there. 

Just turn away from the darkness and look to the light!


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

Ugly people need love too.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

whatever... :[
at least at my age they don't exisit. or do drugs..or are taken..or..i'll turn my heart off now.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

and yes, non attractive or 'ugly' people ned love. they have put me on a pedestal before. but can i reciprocate the love? no. i guess because i'm sick. it's all my fault.
i'm just sitting here watching david firth animations feeling like crap.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

looktothelight said:


> are all taken
> or complete douches,
> yes?


yes, buy a puppy. not a cat. cats are bad, mmkay?


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## Typical Guy (Mar 30, 2009)

looktothelight said:


> i'll turn my heart off now.


I know it's hard for you right now but please don't give up.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

No they aren't.

There are lots of cute single guys on this thread that serve as proof.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

but in the state of mississippi? come here and find me one then. :[


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Typical Guy said:


> I know it's hard for you right now but please don't give up.


I already gave up. i had a deep conversation last night with a guy i have always liked, but years later as of now, i've become so...so i don'tknow, hard to impress or what not, that the whole time i had metal butterflies in my stomach of pain is of starting the cycle again.
I don't know if i've given up or not. I definitely have college to keep me occupied. but the other thread i made last night is about the one guy who won't talk to me that i'm so upset about. i want him to be my friend. and it's cause of him ive been having difficulty eating and i always feel achy.
maybe i need therapy. 2 months ago i said if i feel like that i should go back to therapy. but i dont want to have to tell my mom.


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## Duke of Prunes (Jul 20, 2009)

How ya' doin. :yes


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

You're attractive, you'll find one eventually. 

Occupying your mind with things other than that guy will be good for you, I'm in that situation with a girl and it's been kinda messing me up so I've been trying to shift my focus away from it.


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## benyamin (May 11, 2010)

wow your a very good looking girl.

your looking for a cute guy here at this forum?
...........and what about personalty?


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

You may be somewhat right.

I'm not a douche at all, but that's because I'm weak and insecure, partially over being ugly. That seems to be a pattern in both genders, and it seems you've noticed it as well.

But, I will say this: I think there are some average to somewhat above-average looking guys who are introverted and not "douchey," even at your age. I've known and even been friends with some before. If your standards for looks are really high, then I can see how just about all the guys you're attracted to might be a-holes, though. That certainly works both ways, too. People who are fawned over every time they breathe tend to let it go to their heads. It's only natural, really.


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## outcast2000 (Sep 26, 2010)

Obviously, don't give up. You are very young and just from your 
picture I can see that you yourself could be called a cute one. You will 
find someone who is worthwhile, give it time.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

you dont want or need a cute little pony. you want a manly man who is a tiger.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

The fact that they're taken or douchey probably makes you want them more.


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

Is it bad that I expected this thread to be started by a guy..?


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## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

nightrain said:


> Nope. I was expecting the same...


Unhappy cats in costumes are always cute.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Cleary said:


> Is it bad that I expected this thread to be started by a guy..?


Nope, as long as it's also OK that I immediately thought "if this thread was started by a guy, there'd already be 15 girls reporting it and people would be getting banned." :teeth


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

Where are all the girls with big breasts? It seems like they're all shallow and conceited.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

looktothelight said:


> whatever... :[
> at least at my age they don't exisit. or do drugs..or are taken..or..i'll turn my heart off now.


A lot of people use drugs, expecially at your age. Sacrafices have to be made to get what you want. The "perfect" guy is not out there.


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

bignate said:


> A lot of people use drugs, expecially at your age. Sacrafices have to be made to get what you want. The "perfect" guy is not out there.


It's perfectly reasonable to not want someone who uses drugs. If you ever been close to people who use them or have yourself, it can get in the way of things...


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

looktothelight said:


> but in the state of mississippi? :[


I'm afraid I got the only good one there <3

I know what you mean, though. Regular guys are terrifying/horrible. And the nice ones are in hiding or already taken.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Yep, all taken or douches.


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

dave twothree said:


> It's perfectly reasonable to not want someone who uses drugs.


I guess... but it should depend on the drug, I think.
Weed is fun, heroin is not.


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## No Surprises (Nov 1, 2009)

emptybottle2 said:


> The fact that they're taken or douchey probably makes you want them more.


Lest the truth of this post be overlooked.


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## Mr. SandMan (Aug 24, 2007)

dave twothree said:


> It's perfectly reasonable to not want someone who uses drugs. If you ever been close to people who use them or have yourself, it can get in the way of things...


Of course if someone is addicted to something they are buying off of the street you probably wouldn't want to start a relationship with that person. But college kids use drugs recreationally a lot. And really, it's the same thing as having a beer each night.


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

bignate said:


> Of course if someone is addicted to something they are buying off of the street you probably wouldn't want to start a relationship with that person. But college kids use drugs recreationally a lot. And really, it's the same thing as having a beer each night.


Of course there's a difference between smoking weed once in a while, experimenting with something once and smoking everyday, getting hooked on hard ****. When someone describes someone who "does drugs" it means the latter. There are plenty of people who don't even smoke weed, wanting someone like that is pretty reasonable.


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

emptybottle2 said:


> The fact that they're taken or douchey probably makes you want them more.


this


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I do beleive they are ou there, but in my expierence none of them give me the time of day.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

lol of course they are out there, and I think being down about it and having the attitude you currently do about the situation will not help to rectify these things at all either. I feel you are seemingly making a rash generalisation based on a couple of bad experiences or something.

Iono, 2 cents.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

sacred said:


> you dont want or need a cute little pony. you want a manly man who is a tiger.


Oh yeah, my thoughts exactly. I need me a tiger!


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> The fact that they're taken or douchey probably makes you want them more.


Maybe this is right..i've actually had 'cute' ones attempt to make me their own, and treat me right. and somehow subconsciously i took their kindness as being 'weak.' messed up, i know.
what makes me wonder, is these guys who are supposed jerks, why do they date a girl for a long period of time? and not me? what do these girls have that i dont?
do they act like a jerk as well, in order to obtain the jerk of their desire??


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

nightrain said:


> Nope. I was expecting the same...


Yea, that is the definition of cute. Stick a tiny guy in one of those mugs = cute! lol.


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Well I'm not taken. So that either makes me ugly or a douche. Hmmm...


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> Maybe this is right..i've actually had 'cute' ones attempt to make me their own, and treat me right. and somehow subconsciously i took their kindness as being 'weak.' messed up, i know.
> what makes me wonder, is these guys who are supposed jerks, why do they date a girl for a long period of time? and not me? what do these girls have that i dont?
> do they act like a jerk as well, in order to obtain the jerk of their desire??


It sounds like you just want what you don't have.


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## velvet1 (Aug 11, 2010)

For me they're either taken, douch bags or its either they're single but are afraid of taking the next step and don't act like they're interested. 

Its been the story of my life for years when it comes to the opposite sex. It's like you become so accustomed to it, that you wonder why even bother anymore. If something happens, it dies quickly :|.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Typical Guy said:


> They're out there.
> 
> Just turn away from the darkness and look to the light!


No no no! This is bad advice. You should look in the dark bits. They hide in the shadows and in dark moist places like under felled logs.


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## benyamin (May 11, 2010)

so let my get it straight;you want a cute guy(as in good looking i guess)
thats not a jerk or douhbag and guys who are actually cute and also nice that like you,you find weak?
well if thats the case good luck finding someone like that.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

^

Haha. That goes hand in hand with how girls play hard to get. They don't know what they want. Jerkiness is misconstrued as confidence, and then they try to fix the jerks who have insecurities. 

A lot of girls seem to just like drama. Cuteness draws them in, and jerkiness keeps them around. It's exhilarating to them despite the paradox.


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## benyamin (May 11, 2010)

Daktoria said:


> ^
> 
> Haha. That goes hand in hand with how girls play hard to get. They don't know what they want. Jerkiness is misconstrued as confidence, and then they try to fix the jerks who have insecurities.
> 
> A lot of girls seem to just like drama. Cuteness draws them in, and jerkiness keeps them around. It's exhilarating to them despite the paradox.


i know its a bit off topic but i just dont get it if someome treats you badly and makes you feel bad logicaly you would distance yourself from him and dont try to be around him i mean even a dumb animal knows that.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

As a couple of men have already noted, this thread reads much like the oft maligned threads men start about how things aren't working out so well for them with women. Main differences being that the men who have commented here about the implied (really fairly explicit) insulting tone have actually been less antagonistic than women seem to be when the sexes are reversed, and of course the absence of any women creating balance by pointing out the infantile self indulgence of this thread, which several men routinely do when men whine on like this. 

Interesting and disappointing differences.

EDIT: My apologies to Perfectionist


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> Maybe this is right..i've actually had 'cute' ones attempt to make me their own, and treat me right. and somehow subconsciously i took their kindness as being 'weak.' messed up, i know.


Light, you're the reason I'm frustrated every day. You say you want a cute nice guy, but I seriously doubt that(even though I don't doubt that you believe it yourself). It's not messed up, it's reality, and it's most girls who prefer *******s to nice guy...


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## Hadron92 (Apr 17, 2009)

Females find a relatively low percentage of males attractive. They have to be more selective because they can only spread their genes once every 9 months. Mixing their own genes with the "top-notch genes" gives their genes a better chance of survival.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

atticus said:


> as a couple of men have already noted, this thread reads much like the oft maligned threads men start about how things aren't working out so well for them with women. Main differences being that the men who have commented here about the implied (really fairly explicit) insulting tone have actually been less antagonistic than women seem to be when the sexes are reversed, and of course the absence of any women creating balance by pointing out the infantile self indulgence of this thread, which several men routinely do when men whine on like this.
> 
> Interesting and disappointing differences.
> 
> Edit: My apologies to perfectionist


qft.


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

benyamin said:


> i know its a bit off topic but i just dont get it if someome treats you badly and makes you feel bad logicaly you would distance yourself from him and dont try to be around him i mean even a dumb animal knows that.


Ah, but emotion isn't logical. =P


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## Belshazzar (Apr 12, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> are all taken
> or complete douches,
> yes?


An economist and his friend are walking down the street when the friend sees a twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk.

"Hey, look," he says, "it's a twenty dollar bill."

"Nonsense," says the economist. "If that were a twenty dollar bill, someone would have picked it up by now."


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## Magaly (Mar 8, 2010)

yay for generalizations.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Oh, in Mississippi? Oh no, I took _care_ of all of them.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

dave twothree said:


> It sounds like you just want what you don't have.


But why can't I have it? Hm? If I find someone that there just that 'something' and I'm not acting participating annoying and we have common interests, then why does another girl get him and I do not?


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Daktoria said:


> Ah, but emotion isn't logical. =P


EXACTLY.
I wish so much the head can rule over the heart. I wish I could tell it,'no that's not right for you. Go in a direction which finds less pain.'
But nooo. 
Ps I'm back in therapy now. I don't have hope riding on that though.


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## benyamin (May 11, 2010)

can you post a picture or pictures of the guys you like?
or a picture of a guy which is your taste
(google,FACEBOOK)


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> But why can't I have it? Hm? If I find someone that there just that 'something' and I'm not acting participating annoying and we have common interests, then why does another girl get him and I do not?


Well we can't always get what we want =(

Just because you didn't get him doesn't necessarily mean the problem is with you. It's just one guy..yeah its a crappy feeling, but you're far from undesirable.


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

They're all jerks because they're cute/hot. 

Find a guy with a great personality and he'll eventually look cute. Trust me, you'll like being treated better than your eyes being pleasurably welcomed by a douch. lol


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

Hadron said:


> Females find a relatively low percentage of males attractive. They have to be more selective because they can only spread their genes once every 9 months. Mixing their own genes with the "top-notch genes" gives their genes a better chance of survival.


We ovulate once a month


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Visionary said:


> They're all jerks because they're cute/hot.
> 
> Find a guy with a great personality and he'll eventually look cute. Trust me, you'll like being treated better than your eyes being pleasurably welcomed by a douch. lol


Nicely put. I hope i can keep up the dull routine for a year or two, without going crazy, without being sent away, because i cant get sent away again since i'm in college. but i hope..everyday the only thought that allows me to choke down my breakfast is knowing one day i can move away


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Another question: if you treated someone like utter crap, just because of your own mental problems, yet they're still BEGGING to be your friend, would that piss you off? you would see them as a person with no back bone and pride whatsoever?


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

benyamin said:


> can you post a picture or pictures of the guys you like?
> or a picture of a guy which is your taste
> (google,FACEBOOK)


facebook, ah i've got to quick logging on to that..can ruin lifes on a daily basis (exaggeration)

but yeah, i would feel like a total stalker creep if i posted a picture lol. basically only him and an ex of mine are the only ones i feel a desire for :[
the comment you said about even a dumb animal knows to leave when kicked down, that really makes sense.


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

I'm honestly feeling especially low today guys..I mean, i am completely obsessed with this guy. I don't try to contact him or anything; I still have a large amount of dignity for some reason.
But yes, my therapy was arranged today.
I felt so horrible today so the only solution i saw was to busy myself with schoolwork, jogging, etc and i did that for 4 hours. I'm not suicidal but if there were a way i can freeze myself for a good year or so i would without hesitation. I want to go to sleep for a long time, only not forever.

Every single night i'm up till like 4 a.m just thinking that..he's beside her right now..he wants his lips on her, not me..he's thinking about her..and that he's probably in love with her and doesn't even remember my name.
Today on facebook i saw some stupid mushy *** stuff they were saying and i..i threw up. I honestly felt so much negativity at that moment whatever food i forced myself to eat that morning came up. I'm going to tell my therapist that. That i always feel like i have the flu and I throw up alot.

The therapy has to help. It HAS to. I haven't felt like this since last year, that was the last time i got sent away. and that's not an option right now.

I seriously want to turn my phone off for a couple weeks. I want to be in solitude. Someone may argue and say that's not what a person needs that a person should go out, socialize. But that's what I've been doing! I have like 5 people blowing up my phone right now and I dont like ANY of them! I don't want friends right now, it's only making me feel worse!!

I'm really sorry that was so long and likely dumb sounding, but i actually feel a notch or two cooled off..typing that was soothing. And you guys are different than these friends i speak of, i actually enjoy reading and replying you guys' posts.


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## Seiyuu (Sep 22, 2010)

title sounds so random LOL.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

im not taken OR a douchebag...ladies!  lolz, how creepy am i?


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

Gah, I have to stay away from this thread, it galls me every time I read it because I am the nice guy you wouldn't respect. I don't hate being nice, but I hate knowing i have to change it...


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> Every single night i'm up till like 4 a.m just thinking that..he's beside her right now..he wants his lips on her, not me..he's thinking about her..and that he's probably in love with her and doesn't even remember my name.
> Today on facebook i saw some stupid mushy *** stuff they were saying and i..i threw up. I honestly felt so much negativity at that moment whatever food i forced myself to eat that morning came up. I'm going to tell my therapist that. That i always feel like i have the flu and I throw up alot.


I'm in a similar spot. I couldn't stop thinking of her even though it was clear her feelings for me were fading, yet I still wanted her. Then she got a new guy, and I keep thinking that she probably loves him, that they're together now, in bed laying together, that he's having sex with the girl I still love. It ****ing hurts still...I can't get over it, weird obsession I think it has become at this point. I desperately want to get this girl out of my head, but we were so close for almost 4 years.


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## dave twothree (Sep 26, 2010)

lonelyjew said:


> Gah, I have to stay away from this thread, it galls me every time I read it because I am the nice guy you wouldn't respect. I don't hate being nice, but I hate knowing i have to change it...


Don't have to generalize. Just because a guy is "nice" and does his best to treat a girl right doesn't mean the girl has to automatically like him =|


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

dave twothree said:


> I'm in a similar spot. I couldn't stop thinking of her even though it was clear her feelings for me were fading, yet I still wanted her. Then she got a new guy, and I keep thinking that she probably loves him, that they're together now, in bed laying together, that he's having sex with the girl I still love. It ****ing hurts still...I can't get over it, weird obsession I think it has become at this point. I desperately want to get this girl out of my head, but we were so close for almost 4 years.


I'm so glad you understand and youre willing to share with me..i think therapy is the prelude to step one. They can tell you what they recommend the first step to be. At least I hope..but i'll keep updating about how therapy is going. Maybe they'll give me new medication.

But yes, my ex of 6 years his girlfriend is talking to me on facebook and whole bunch of stupid drama I dont even care about..it's like i got over that. but this guy. I CANNOT GET OVER IT. i absolutely cannot. save me


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

lonelyjew said:


> Gah, I have to stay away from this thread, it galls me every time I read it because I am the nice guy you wouldn't respect. I don't hate being nice, but I hate knowing i have to change it...


No!! You definitely do not have to change it. Dont let anything i type influence what you think. I'm likely sick. There are plenty of other girls who can handle being treated like a princess. In fact, the majority of the girls are in a healthy state of mind. If you're as sweet as you say, you will have someone too! I know it!


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

I think that some (not all) girls like douches or taken guys because there's this sort of masochistic element in their personalities, or because they enjoy drama, or because they don't actually want a relationship. I've met heaps of girls who seem to place drama and tension above everything else...

Nothing is more exciting than pining... pining is probably more exciting than an actual relationship, because you get to feel like you're in love with this _thing_ that isn't even a real person, more like something you've built up in your mind.

As soon as the relationship begins, all you can think is 'okay, we're together... so now what do I DO with this person?'... and there are power struggles, and boundaries being set... a lot of it is actually kinda cruddy. It's actually really odd how in the opening stages of a real relationship people kind of go into their shells and sort of wonder how everything is going to happen... because no one really knows if it's going to last or even how they're going to feel about each other in the long term.

But yeah, with jerks and taken guys, girls don't have to worry about that... the jerks aren't going to take things seriously enough for it to matter and chances are they're only there for the sex and the giggles, and the taken guys are just going to be these objects in the female brain forever, made even more desirable by the fact that it's been proven they actually can function in a relationship... or so it would seem, anyway.

The 'nice guys' without girlfriends really don't have very much to offer... some of them don't even know how relationships work, or how to make them work, or what to say, or how to make girls feel nice about themselves... even things like not knowing what they like to hear (beyond the movie/TV cliches), not knowing how to initiate sex without getting all clumsy, or not knowing when it's good idea to back off. The 'nice guys', especially on this site, really only know how to take care of themselves, but for the most part they can't even do that properly... so what exactly are they going to be able to offer their potential SO? Nice guys are always too quick to follow the formulaic notions of what women want and how to treat them, and they've never really got their heads in the game and don't know how to pay attention... because they've never had to before. Their hearts are in the right place, probably... but that doesn't really go very far with most girls.

Wow... I'm just ranting and ranting today. I guess because I'm sick and can't stand up without getting woozy...


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

*blink* :um

'Wallflower' comes to mind. Frankly, this subject is a two-way street. So I'd have to say NO, we do exist; you're just not looking in the right places.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

looktothelight said:


> But yes, *my ex of 6 years* his girlfriend is talking to me on facebook and whole bunch of stupid drama I dont even care about.


I had no desire to post in this thread again but I had to ask: you started dating him when you were 12?

To lonleyjew, rawrboy, and all the other nice boys who are frustrated by this thread, come to Vancouver. I will make you feel better.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Don't do it guys, she needs to feeeeeeeed!

/scampers


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## Timeofallout (Jun 23, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> I had no desire to post in this thread again but I had to ask: you started dating him when you were 12?
> 
> To lonleyjew and all the other nice boys who are frustrated by this thread, come to Vancouver. I will make you feel better.


Vancouver sounds so nice right now :b


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Perfectionist said:


> I had no desire to post in this thread again but I had to ask: you started dating him when you were 12?
> 
> To lonleyjew, rawrboy, and all the other nice boys who are frustrated by this thread, come to Vancouver. I will make you feel better.


I miss Canada


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

seahorses? the cute fish?


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## outcast2000 (Sep 26, 2010)

It doesn't look like you are.


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

it's the inside that counts...


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Perfectionist said:


> I had no desire to post in this thread again but I had to ask: you started dating him when you were 12?


I'm still curious about this, btw. Dating dynamics during recess have always fascinated me.


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## duskyy (Oct 23, 2009)

lonelyjew said:


> Gah, I have to stay away from this thread, it galls me every time I read it because I am the nice guy you wouldn't respect. I don't hate being nice, but I hate knowing i have to change it...


 You and me both... -_- I'm lucky enough to have an amazing girl that I love, but this thread made me strike up a conversation with her on this subject and apparently I make her feel "too loved" sometimes. I just don't know how to change this before it gets to be a bigger problem. :|



looktothelight said:


> No!! You definitely do not have to change it. Dont let anything i type influence what you think. I'm likely sick.


 It's not just you, as a "nice guy" myself I have known many girls to be like that.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

thepretender said:


> You and me both... -_- I'm lucky enough to have an amazing girl that I love, but this thread made me strike up a conversation with her on this subject and apparently I make her feel "too loved" sometimes. I just don't know how to change this before it gets to be a bigger problem. :|
> 
> It's not just you, as a "nice guy" myself I have known many girls to be like that.


Yeah, you have to think with as many girls as there are willing to admit they think this way, there are probably a lot more who don't want to admit it or don't even realize it. (I only say that because most girls' behavior and dating patterns suggest that they think this way, so if a sizable number admit to it, I'd assume the same explanation applies for most of the others' behavior).

It's just the basic, depressing nature of how females are generally hard-wired to feel attraction. I don't think what looktothelight nor your GF said is at all surprising to people who are realistic, even though guys are usually crucified for saying it here. The ones doing the crucifying must be conveniently blind to posts like the OP's and yours (about your GF).

Sorry to hear about your troubles, BTW. Wish I had some advice other than "change the core of your personality, even though it's objectively good, simply because most girls find it arbitrarily unattractive"... but that's about the best I can do.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

Your pretty. If I lived in Mississippi I would have loved to have gone out with you  you will find someone


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

anomalous said:


> Yeah, you have to think with as many girls as there are willing to admit they think this way, there are probably a lot more who don't want to admit it or don't even realize it. (I only say that because most girls' behavior and dating patterns suggest that they think this way, so if a sizable number admit to it, I'd assume the same explanation applies for most of the others' behavior).
> 
> It's just the basic, depressing nature of how females are generally hard-wired to feel attraction. I don't think what looktothelight nor your GF said is at all surprising to people who are realistic, even though guys are usually crucified for saying it here. The ones doing the crucifying must be conveniently blind to posts like the OP's and yours (about your GF).
> 
> Sorry to hear about your troubles, BTW. Wish I had some advice other than "change the core of your personality, even though it's objectively good, simply because most girls find it arbitrarily unattractive"... but that's about the best I can do.


_
Guys go for looks, girls go for status. There's just so many nights where this is just how it happens..

_If true according to the Hold Steady (lol)_, _then being an always available partner may ruin the perceived status, making the relationship feel as if the female could acquire a higher status by evidence of the male acting so attached, without other perceived options (hence the flowering of attention), which translates into lower status which translates into a hit against perceived attraction.

Don't mind me I'm just rambling.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

Nae said:


> _
> Guys go for looks, girls go for status. There's just so many nights where this is just how it happens..
> 
> _If true according to the Hold Steady (lol)_, _then being an always available partner may ruin the perceived status, making the relationship feel as if the female could acquire a higher status by evidence of the male acting so attached, without other perceived options (hence the flowering of attention), which translates into lower status which translates into a hit against perceived attraction.
> ...


No, you said it way better than I could. I think that's pretty much it.

What looktothelight said about "viewing nice guys as weaker," and the other dude's GF's comment about "feeling too loved," fits right in line with that theory.

I don't think that *every* girl on the planet feels that way, but I dare say it's the majority, and possibly a strong majority. With any of these girls, a guy who's basically kind, humble, and giving by nature *must* artificially modify his personality in order to keep her interested long-term. This indescribably depressing reality is why I've long since given up on girls, and don't even really care anymore, because the whole game is such a crock of ****.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

anomalous said:


> I don't think that *every* girl on the planet feels that way, but I dare say it's the majority, and possibly a strong majority. With any of these girls, a guy who's basically kind, humble, and giving by nature *must* artificially modify his personality in order to keep her interested long-term. This indescribably depressing reality is why I've long since given up on girls, and don't even really care anymore, because the whole game is such a crock of ****.


Exactly, it ****ing sucks. The girl I like tells me she's having a very ****ty day today, I know she's been super stressed, and I just want to make her feel better. I was extremely tempted to send her a message that said something along the lines of "if you ever need a vent, I'll always be there, I know what it is to bottle up thoughts and feelings, and how much it sucks, so if you ever want to talk feel free to call me. And no pressure, if it's something private, that's completely cool, just saying I'm there if you need me." I want to be a good friend, be moral, and offer my support, but I know that will only hurt the way she looks at me, and work towards killing any chance I have left.

I'm stuck making choices I see as selfish and amoral, towards a friend, and that's something I hate hate hate. I ended up caving a bit, and sending her a message on facebook, which just said chear up and had a cute/funny video I thought she'd enjoy(she was at least amused in correcting my spelling), hoping that a non overtly strong surprise message would possibly make her actually like me more, or at least leave me neutral, but who am I kidding, it probably hurt me....


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## looktothelight (Jan 16, 2010)

Perfectionist said:


> I'm still curious about this, btw. Dating dynamics during recess have always fascinated me.


YES WE STARTED DATING WHEN I WAS 12 OK.

It's rude and misunderstanding comments that i get on this site that made me decided that i'm not coming back.
havent been on in a few weeks because apparently no one is interested in understanding me. just further letting me know how messed up and crappy human being i am.
No one one understands me. not here. not anywhere. not my therapist. no help at all. no release.

have a nice life everybody. and be sure to stay away from anyone remotely like myself.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

Drama.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

indeed


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Did I just bounce a member out of here? That's a first.

Bounce bounce bounce bounce.


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## LittleOwl (Aug 17, 2010)

I always presume the nice guy type are taken, yeah even the shy ones.


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## DyingInTheOutside (Sep 26, 2010)

looktothelight said:


> YES WE STARTED DATING WHEN I WAS 12 OK.
> 
> It's rude and misunderstanding comments that i get on this site that made me decided that i'm not coming back.
> havent been on in a few weeks because apparently no one is interested in understanding me. just further letting me know how messed up and crappy human being i am.
> ...


Ummmm, this doesn't sound very good to me, but maybe I'm just assuming something I shouldn't....


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Ospi said:


> Don't do it guys, she needs to feeeeeeeed!
> 
> /scampers


Bahahaha!

Don't fall for it guys she's a vampire!!


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

I think we might need to give Dr. Phil a call here.... 

Let's all pause for a moment and think: *What would Dr. Phil say about this??*


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## Cedilla (Dec 25, 2009)

Just Lurking said:


> I think we might need to give Dr. Phil a call here....
> 
> Let's all pause for a moment and think: *What would Dr. Phil say about this??*


KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!11111:um

To the OP, you are not screwed up, and you are being too hard on yourself. Lots of people still feel some sort of an attachment towards an ex. Its normal to feel jealous towards your ex's partner. However its pretty unhealthy to dwell on feelings like that for a prolonged period of time. You will find a suitable mate, you just have to open up if give guys a chance, not all guys are raging douche-canoes.


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## forever_dreamer (Jul 8, 2008)

looktothelight said:


> are all taken
> or complete douches,
> yes?


yep taken, douches, or gay...DARN! lol!


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'd say this about attractive women, yes.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

That's been my experience.


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