# when is it too late to start dating? or gets pathetic?



## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

at what point does it get pathetic that you've never had a real relationship experience and don't know the first thing about pursuing a woman. 

I'm soon to be a college graduate (a year late) and will be 23 when I graduate. Hopefully, I'll be starting my career. In college, I never played around much... and the sad part is, I didn't even do well academically!

Is it possible to start the "phase" as I work full time? I guess I can still meet college aged girls since I look 5 years younger anyway
I'm a bit concerned though because I'll be in a new city where I don't know anyone and it's going to be difficult to meet girls. Other guys have it easy.. they have friends that introduce them to girls and set up on dates. They have a double blind date or whatever together... I wish I can do stuff like that. I've always been a bit of a loner since h.s. and it's difficult to meet girls on my own. 

I ask this question because I'm behind my peers when it comes to stuff like this and it bothers me. Time is going to fly after college and if I didn't enjoy college and develop essential relationship building skills in college and learn how to deal with women then it's going to be all downhill from there.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

I didn't bother with post-secondary education and just jumped right into the workforce. I'm 23 now, and I've still never even been on a date. 

Unfortunately, I don't think it will get any easier now that you'll be out of school. 

Also, don't worry about age so much. When we're adults, it means only what you make it.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

It's never to late. I know a woman who is about 70. Her husband died about 5 years ago. Last year she remarried and moved to Florida.


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## daaaaave (Jan 1, 2007)

It's not too late at all. I think most high school and college dating anyways is just for fun anyways. If you live in a big city, try online dating. I have a lot of "dating" experience just by doing the online thing, no relationship experience though.


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## mal (Mar 26, 2007)

23 ???????? Come on, of course that's not late to start. It's never too late.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I honestly don't know, I'm 24(almost 25) and I haven't even had my first kiss yet.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Whether we want to or not we're pretty much stuck dating younger girls due to our lack of experience in relationships. I think it's pretty much our best shot. But in my honest opinion even then I think our chances are slim. The truth is we are different and it's not in a good way. It's a disadvantage. Every person has their faults we just have to find a way to make up for it. Make ourselves worth being with to the opposite sex. It was funny I read in a book once that you have to have something to offer. That's the way a relationship works. It said if you can't think of what you have to offer don't even bother. To this day I have figured out what I have to offer :lol Honesty? Might as well date someone in a vegetative state to achieve this, lol.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: when is it too late to start dating? or gets patheti*



scairy said:


> It was funny I read in a book once that you have to have something to offer. That's the way a relationship works. It said if you can't think of what you have to offer don't even bother.


 :agree 
Some people just don't have the goods. It's probably easier in the long run to just accept it. Or keep fighting it. Whatever....


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

onlylordknows -- You should consider trying to date someone who is also shy, at least for your first dating experience. I have a feeling that only other shy/socially anxious people can truly understand what we go through daily.


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## last_years_man (Dec 28, 2005)

Hey I was just like you except I was 28 and I thought the best years of my life were behind me! My peers were getting married having kids and I hadn't even kissed a girl. Went through all the same thoughts you are going through now



> Is it possible to start the "phase" as I work full time? I guess I can still meet college aged girls since I look 5 years younger anyway


You can start whenever you want to start you can meet college girls, 30 year old's and 70 year olds well if that's your thing . Seriously though it all begins with you, you're not pathetic now you won't be next month or next year.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I don't see myself ever dating, and I'm 26.

Life is lonely, but is it so bad to be alone? Maybe unhealthy.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: when is it too late to start dating? or gets patheti*



Zephyr said:


> scairy said:
> 
> 
> > It was funny I read in a book once that you have to have something to offer. That's the way a relationship works. It said if you can't think of what you have to offer don't even bother.
> ...


Yeah I get the feeling that there is something that I'm just missing. I don't know what it is but even girls that initially find me attractive lose interest once we converse. I just think there is something I don't have. I don't know that women even know what I'm missing, Maybe it's just an instinctual thing on their part and they don't even know why they aren't attracted to me. I'm pretty sure if a girl went to bed with me she'd wake up a lesbian :lol


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: when is it too late to start dating? or gets patheti*



Mercurochrome said:


> I don't see myself ever dating, and I'm 26.
> 
> Life is lonely, but is it so bad to be alone? Maybe unhealthy.


Well seems like i heard a stat that married people are generally happier healthier and more content with life.

I feel like this has taken about 5-10 years off my life (unhealthy). Your heart just feels sunk. Feels like you're being perpetually stabbed in the heart every morning you wake up.


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

I don't think I'll ever start dating :? I don't have anything to offer.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

*Re: re: when is it too late to start dating? or gets patheti*



scairy said:


> Feels like you're being perpetually stabbed in the heart every morning you wake up.


It's not the morning for me. Going to work in the morning is my relief. It's after the workday is done, when on my way home, I know that I'm going to spend the evening alone. That's when I feel like I'm being stabbed.


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## zarathustra55 (Mar 3, 2007)

I don't think I will ever be able to date. It's hard for me to approach a girl and teh few times I worked up the courage to it went horribly. I can't recall ever getting approached by a girl, I must be extremely ugly. I believe with complete certainty that there is nobody for me.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Its too late once your dead.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

andy1984 said:


> Its too late once your dead.


That's for sure.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Yeah don't worry, it's never too late. Try not to concern yourself with such frivolous things.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

Yeah, 23's definitely not too late to start dating, onlylordknows. Some here think that most people will easily be able to tell that that you've had zero experience with dating and be turned off, but I don't think that's true.... I think it's a good idea to pursue shy, quiet girls at first and try online dating. (How about SAS Connections? Anyone here had any luck with that?)

That being said, I don't think I'll ever start dating either. But I don't think it's my shyness and inexperience that's the problem as much as it is my horrible, unpleasant personality. No one wants to be around that.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

23 isn't too late. I mean, it's never pathetic to try and find someone you want to be with. There's nothing pathetic about that at all. I know it's embarrassing to be a certain age and have little or no experience, sexually or otherwise, but I guess you have to weigh the pros and cons. What's worse, people finding out that you're inexperienced and taking the chance to be with them, or telling no one and not even trying? Personally, I see that the first option is healthier in the long run, but actually working up the courage is extremely difficult. 

I'm sure I will end up turning into some lonely old spinster who lives with her dead mother and several stray cats. I can't imagine why anyone would have a remote interest in dating me unless it was just some desperate act of charity, like a Jerry's Kids for hermits.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

Nyx said:


> I don't think I'll ever start dating :? I don't have anything to offer.


What does this mean? Not just you Nyx, but by anyone that's quoted they have nothing to offer......what are we suppose to offer? Money, cars, houses, furniture, jewels (OK, that does work with me;-D)..........

It's never too late, never.


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## green and lonely (May 29, 2006)

scairy said:


> I'm pretty sure if a girl went to bed with me she'd wake up a lesbian :lol


Hehe...I do seem to be attracted to a disproportionate number of gay men. I've even joked that it would be easier for me if I were a gay man instead of a straight woman... :lol



Bon said:


> Nyx said:
> 
> 
> > I don't think I'll ever start dating :? I don't have anything to offer.
> ...


I've said this often to myself...that I don't have anything to offer another person. Of course I don't mean material things...I just mean that I feel like I can't offer a reason for him to want to be with me.

I do agree, though, that it is never too late...I just don't know when/if I'll ever get there.


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## treksalot (Mar 9, 2007)

I used to think that I don't have anything to offer. But now I don't think about it anymore. That voice is gone after i treated myself better. I think if anyone used that fact that I'm inexperienced, I will dang straight, drop him like a hot pocket. To those that think they don't have anything to offer, I doubt it. REALLY doubt it. You all seem nice, not mocking the poster for his insecurities, etc. And niceness is underrated.
Oh, plus I totally agree with srschrim. Putting it in perspective this is not valid reason to just drop someone, it's a shallow one. A person using this is trying to justify the reason why she/he doesn't like you, when really you have no control over it. So why nit-pick. This is kinda making me mad...someone close to me got this and jeez, that person(who used this as a reason) needs sensitivity-training and needs to get off the dang high-freak'n horse...manipulative jerk...just left the person I know...caused unnecessary additional pain and insecure and afraid to even believe her own worth... 
What i want to say to any person using that weak *ss excuse is what are people with no experience not supposed to ever be in a relationship, just because of that. what they should be alone forever. Lamest excuse ever. I want to hear someone try and justify this with me.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

andy1984 said:


> Its too late once your dead.


Haha yeah, other than that, I agree that it's never too late.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: when is it too late to start dating? or gets patheti*



treksalot said:


> I used to think that I don't have anything to offer. But now I don't think about it anymore. That voice is gone after i treated myself better. I think if anyone used that fact that I'm inexperienced, I will dang straight, drop him like a hot pocket. To those that think they don't have anything to offer, I doubt it. REALLY doubt it. You all seem nice, not mocking the poster for his insecurities, etc. And niceness is underrated.
> Oh, plus I totally agree with srschrim. Putting it in perspective this is not valid reason to just drop someone, it's a shallow one. A person using this is trying to justify the reason why she/he doesn't like you, when really you have no control over it. So why nit-pick. This is kinda making me mad...someone close to me got this and jeez, that person(who used this as a reason) needs sensitivity-training and needs to get off the dang high-freak'n horse...manipulative jerk...just left the person I know...caused unnecessary additional pain and insecure and afraid to even believe her own worth...
> What i want to say to any person using that weak *ss excuse is what are people with no experience not supposed to ever be in a relationship, just because of that. what they should be alone forever. Lamest excuse ever. I want to hear someone try and justify this with me.


Yeah, I agree. I've had some bad experiences with guys and I used to find fault in myself, sure I could use improvement in certain areas of my life, but I'm not a horrible person and I'm not unworthy of being loved. 
I believe I'd make a great girlfriend. I'm changing certain things about myself, like not giving into my sexual urges. It's great in the moment, but the emotional damage lasts much longer than the pleasure. I'd rather be alone if I can't find someone who's serious about me. That's my story.


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