# What the hell is wrong with men?



## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

*-*

*Nvm*


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## rockysowner (Nov 9, 2011)

I see this to! Every single god damn guy at my college the only thing they ever talk about is girls and having sex. I have an idea that none of them ever go past kissing girls despite all the talk.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Define Me said:


> Me: Yeah I'm still a virgn.
> Friend: Didn't you have a chance with that girl?
> Me: Uhh...yes....?
> Friend: Then why not go for her?
> ...


OP, you're the real winner here, because you have some standards for yourself.


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## Dan iel (Feb 13, 2011)

The best way is to get into a relationship and then lose it, trust me, waiting for that is so much better 

Ignore your friend


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

What is so wrong with being picky? Having sex with a girl you aren't into = bad sex.


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## Syndacus (Aug 9, 2011)

Screw that guy, he's just another tool amongst other tools in a big toolbox designed for douchebags united. You can wait until you're comfortable with it, where you can seek and give the same amount of passion and feel yourself accomplished during the act. The woman you're with will definitely appreciate it.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

That's just how most guys are. Sex is a pretty important achievement when you're young. In some cases, as you get older...your priorities change and you'll put more importance on your future(relationships) rather than the present(sex). Though, this is a rare phenomenon...not all men grow up. 

Tell him that when he grows up and starts to get hair in weird places, that he will realize this. Until then, his penis owns him. :lol


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## CityslickerCody (Feb 23, 2012)

I've seen this too and hate it as well. People shouldn't use girls they don't like for sex just to get laid. What's worse is guys across our society use the excuse that this is how guys are with their sex drive to take away all responsibility in their minds. I'm a guy with the same sex drive as any other guy yet I can use my mind over my body and focus on love and caring about people above sex.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Wait a minute, how is HE the tool here?

You specifically said you were picky. Not that you had standards, but that you were picky. I don't understand why don't get that he would be taken aback by a 20-year-old virgin saying a girl is "imperfect"? WTF?


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## Radiata (Aug 1, 2011)

Peter Attis said:


> Wait a minute, how is HE the tool here?
> 
> You specifically said you were picky. Not that you had standards, but that you were picky. I don't understand why don't get that he would be taken aback by a 20-year-old virgin saying a girl is "imperfect"? WTF?


The 'imperfect' in the post stood out to me as well. I assume/hope it wasn't meant as how it came off to me.

OP: I do think it's admirable that you'd prefer to have sex with someone you're truly in love with. I wish more men/women were like you, in that sense. 
Maybe it would be easier to just accept that everyone is different. You have your own mindset, and they have theirs. I suppose that nothing is wrong with either way of doing things. Just stick to what you want to do, and if someone bothers you about it, then make it clear it's not up to them to decide on what's 'right' or 'wrong'. Especially with something so personal as this.


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## luceo (Jan 29, 2011)

OP, I get where you're coming from and I can respect or even admire that you don't have sex with people purely for the sake of sex, but really, you won't _ever_ find a single person that isn't 'imperfect'.

It also kind of irks me that you ask 'what the hell is wrong with men'. Are you not a man yourself? Perhaps you should be asking is what the hell is wrong with douches that don't respect your decisions.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Define Me said:


> Me: Yeah I'm still a virgn.
> Friend: Didn't you have a chance with that girl?
> Me: Uhh...yes....?
> Friend: Then why not go for her?
> ...


Your friend was not a friend at that moment.

I saw your pic. When the time is right, it will be okay. Forcing things only hurts people.

Keep your integrity - it's worth more than its weight in gold.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I know what you mean. I hate most people of my own gender, too; I suppose that's why I get along better with women.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

BobtheSaint said:


> OP, you're the real winner here, because you have some standards for yourself.


+1


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Keep being too picky and you'll remain a virgin.

I hope that's okay with you.


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## LittleBearBrah (Feb 2, 2011)

But I want to be a virgin till I get married :|


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I say as long as someone doesn't whine about it to me they can stay a virgin and be as picky as they want. It's hard to give sympathy to someone complaining about something they can change but choose not to.

There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person. To the OP, if you're happy with waiting then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

heroin said:


> Keep being too picky and you'll remain a virgin.
> 
> I hope that's okay with you.


What you're advocating is essentially using a girl. Though to be honest with you, women do this all the time with men. By the time a woman wants to settle down, many of them lower their standards to get a husband. Particularly if she's getting on up there in years. Plenty of women marry men they are not sexually attracted to. Which I think is way worse than using a girl for sex.

I think you owe it to yourself to be picky. I have done the lowering my standards thing to "get laid" before. While this removes you of a certain socially undesirable status, you're essentially living your life for other people if you live this way. Sex is not good with a woman you're not into. Don't put you know what on a pedestal. Just the other day this girl I slept with was calling me "I want sex" and I just shrugged it off. Sex is not exactly like food. If I was starving to death, broccoli would do just fine even though I hate broccoli. But I am never starved. Because there's always masturbation. So what I crave is good sex, not just sex. Masturbation is better than bad sex. Because at least my orgasm is pretty much guaranteed when I masturbate. I think what a lot of desperate male virgins on SAS don't understand is that it's more than just the physical sensation itself. Sex is more mental than it is physical.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

GoldenBear said:


> But I want to be a virgin till I get married :|


AHahahahahahaahaaaaaaaaa :haha


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

Men are scum.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

Cletis said:


> Men are scum.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Thx for the support everyone!

With imperfect I meant not physically attractive to me. And definitely the personality too, but it's a combination of both to me. If a girl is really hot, but a mean person, then thx but no thx. If a girl is really nice and has a great personality, but is ugly, thx but no thx.

Sorry, that's just how it is.....


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Your friend was not a friend at that moment.
> 
> I saw your pic. When the time is right, it will be okay. Forcing things only hurts people.
> 
> Keep your integrity - it's worth more than its weight in gold.


My picture? I'm not very outgoing lol, and I rarely talk to females. It was just a train of thought.


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## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

Define Me said:


> My picture? I'm not very outgoing lol, and I rarely talk to females. It was just a train of thought.


You should definitely talk to more people, not just women but everyone as frequently as you can. Overcoming social anxiety takes effort and exposure. Just because you are talking with someone doesn't automatically mean you want to date them. Just because you go out on a few dates with someone doesn't mean you are obligated to marry them. Picky? :roll

People who say they have really high standards and then complain about the lack of dating success they have is hypocritical. Why don't you give more people a chance since it's not like you are swimming a pool of potential dates. You are a 20 year old virgin, if you keep this up you'll die a virgin.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

gentleman caller said:


> You should definitely talk to more people, not just women but everyone as frequently as you can. Overcoming social anxiety takes effort and exposure. Just because you are talking with someone doesn't automatically mean you want to date them. Just because you go out on a few dates with someone doesn't mean you are obligated to marry them. Picky? :roll
> 
> People who say they have really high standards and then complain about the lack of dating success they have is hypocritical. Why don't you give more people a chance since it's not like you are swimming a pool of potential dates. You are a 20 year old virgin, if you keep this up you'll die a virgin.


Oh but then if you give a girl a chance and then dump her afterwards, then you are seen as "leading her on" and "using her for sex." You just can't win my friend. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. This is why I don't give chances anymore to girls that I'm not into. I don't care if that makes me "picky" or "shallow" or what. Attraction is a very important element in a relationship.

In my personal opinion, men should be pickier if anything. Lots of American and Canadian (perhaps British and Australian too?) women in 2012 have a gross sense of entitlement. Why? Because guys kiss their *** way too much and put them on a pedestal. We place so much value on you know what. We give women the power. We willing emasculate ourselves. They rally cry for "equal rights" but yet they want their cake and to eat it too

Just one example: the guy has to take the entire bill on a date instead of letting her cover her own tab. Give me a good case as for why a woman with a job and just as much opportunity as men in 2012 should have me pay her way as if she's a little girl. It's not chivalry. It's sexist BS. The same goes for men who expect their girl to work and pay her way but then don't put in a fair share around the household. If you are a firm believer in, "the asker has to pay", I don't mind paying for the first date. But you better reciprocate. And no I'm not talking about sex. You have to reciprocate by paying for the second date. Or you have to reciprocate in other ways that demonstrate that you care about me. A relationship is supposed to be an equal give-and-take. And in a relationship, we're supposed to communicate, negotiate, compromise, etc. I had a big argument with a SAS poster about this. She said I'm cheap. But it's not about the money. It's about principle. I want to feel loved, appreciated and desired. I don't like being taken advantage of (whether it's financially, emotionally, whatever) or being the needy one. I'm tired of being in this position. The so-called "nice guy". Or more accurately, the doormat.


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## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

It doesn't work that way. I dated this one girl who said that her mother told her that women shouldn't have to pay for anything. Just by being there the woman is doing her share and that men are supposed to be the providers. Pretty old fashioned but I think a lot of people still think this way. Crying about inequality is going to get you nowhere as a man. Unfair, maybe. But society reinforces this idea that men are supposed to be leaders and protectors.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

gentleman caller said:


> It doesn't work that way. I dated this one girl who said that her mother told her that women shouldn't have to pay for anything. *Just by being there the woman is doing her share* and that men are supposed to be the providers. Pretty old fashioned but I think a lot of people still think this way. Crying about inequality is going to get you nowhere as a man. Unfair, maybe. But society reinforces this idea that men are supposed to be leaders and protectors.


ROFL! What a gross sense of entitlement. That's exactly what I'm talking about. They look at it like they are doing you a favour by going out with you.

How are men supposed to be the providers when in this economy, men are getting hit the hardest and you need two incomes in order to run a household these days? Women wanted jobs. Now they have them. Now pay your own way. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Why were you with that girl btw? Do you really want to have a long-term rewarding relationship with a girl who thinks she's doing you a favour just by being there? You did it for the nookie didn't you? Why else do men willingly put up with this ****? I reserve the right to be picky when it comes to a relationship. If I feel like the girl isn't putting in an equal investment into a relationship, I'm bailing. That doesn't make me a jerk. I have that right. I have the right to want an equal partner in life. If I'm in a relationship, it's because I want to love and be loved. And a one-sided relationship is not love.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

millenniumman75 said:


> Your friend was not a friend at that moment.
> 
> I saw your pic. When the time is right, it will be okay. Forcing things only hurts people.
> 
> Keep your integrity - it's worth more than its weight in gold.


Excuse me? He did nothing wrong here. Basically, all he said was that life was too short to be "picky." What's wrong with that? He is entitled to that viewpoint, just like the OP is entitled to his. It doesn't mean he's not a friend, or he's a tool, or he's a pushing the OP to have sex when he doesn't want to. I really don't see where people are getting that.

This is really a non-issue. There are only two reasons the OP could have made this thread: 1) He's gay, or 2) part of him knows his friend was right.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Peter Attis said:


> Excuse me? He did nothing wrong here. Basically, all he said was that life was too short to be "picky." What's wrong with that? He is entitled to that viewpoint, just like the OP is entitled to his. It doesn't mean he's not a friend, or he's a tool, or he's a pushing the OP to have sex when he doesn't want to. I really don't see where people are getting that.
> 
> This is really a non-issue. There are only two reasons the OP could have made this thread: 1) He's gay, or 2) part of him knows his friend was right.


And how would you assume that #1 is correct?


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## CoolSauce (Mar 6, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> I know what you mean. I hate most people of my own gender, too; I suppose that's why I get along better with women.


which also is why most of us are still virgins :|


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Peter Attis said:


> Excuse me? He did nothing wrong here. Basically, all he said was that life was too short to be "picky." What's wrong with that? He is entitled to that viewpoint, just like the OP is entitled to his. It doesn't mean he's not a friend, or he's a tool, or he's a pushing the OP to have sex when he doesn't want to. I really don't see where people are getting that.
> 
> This is really a non-issue. There are only two reasons the OP could have made this thread: 1) He's gay, or 2) part of him knows his friend was right.


I'm not gay......And I don't use females as tools to get something done...That's just disgusting.


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## shyguyy (Mar 1, 2012)

Define Me said:


> I'm not gay......And I don't use females as tools to get something done...That's just disgusting.


U should though, thats my new plan in life.

Using a girl for sex is nowhere near as bad as a girl who leaves a man and takes alimony and child support, thereby effectively making him her slave. Plus women like sex too, they just pretend they're being used so they dont feel like ****s.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

Biological programming. 

And be picky. Don't be shallow. There's a huge difference. Shallow people are generally the ones who end up lonely, alone and/or unsatisfied. Picky people end up happy because they didn't get into a serious relationship with someone they had to settle for.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

Enderbean said:


> Biological programming.
> 
> And be picky. Don't be shallow. There's a huge difference. Shallow people are generally the ones who end up lonely, alone and/or unsatisfied. Picky people end up happy because they didn't get into a serious relationship with someone they had to settle for.


Wow. No.


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Define Me said:


> I'm not gay......And I don't use females as tools to get something done...That's just disgusting.


Post of the day. :yes


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

If you're speaking about being perfect physically then that's definitely not a good way to get laid. Sex is suppose to be about love. Not based on attractiveness but sadly, that's the way how our society is these days.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Good for you for being able to stand up for yourself and not use someone you're not truly interested in, but.........

No one will ever be imperfect, even in your eyes. Perhaps you just misused the word and you meant something like "even if I'm not attracted to her." Anyways, my issue is with the word "picky," which is thrown around this website like confetti. It makes you seem like you're self-absorbed and superficial. Not having sex with a woman because you have no interest in her is fine, but when you state that it's because you have standards, it sounds like you're saying you're above her or "of better quality." In summary, it makes you come off as a douche instead of the "good guy" you may be trying to look like.

I'm not saying that this is what you meant with the word. I'm just saying that's how it comes off. At least to me.


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## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

phoenixwright said:


> ROFL! What a gross sense of entitlement. That's exactly what I'm talking about. They look at it like they are doing you a favour by going out with you.
> 
> How are men supposed to be the providers when in this economy, men are getting hit the hardest and you need two incomes in order to run a household these days? Women wanted jobs. Now they have them. Now pay your own way. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
> 
> Why were you with that girl btw? Do you really want to have a long-term rewarding relationship with a girl who thinks she's doing you a favour just by being there? You did it for the nookie didn't you? Why else do men willingly put up with this ****? I reserve the right to be picky when it comes to a relationship. If I feel like the girl isn't putting in an equal investment into a relationship, I'm bailing. That doesn't make me a jerk. I have that right. I have the right to want an equal partner in life. If I'm in a relationship, it's because I want to love and be loved. And a one-sided relationship is not love.


Because in the past I was pretty insecure. Even though our values didn't exactly mesh I was happy that someone actually took an interest in me. That's the thing with social anxiety, you feel happy at any opportunity to be social and have the opposite sex be interested in you. Now I realize I was just being self destructive.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Good for you for being able to stand up for yourself and not use someone you're not truly interested in, but.........
> 
> No one will ever be imperfect, even in your eyes. Perhaps you just misused the word and you meant something like "even if I'm not attracted to her." Anyways, my issue is with the word "picky," which is thrown around this website like confetti. It makes you seem like you're self-absorbed and superficial. Not having sex with a woman because you have no interest in her is fine, but when you state that it's because you have standards, it sounds like you're saying you're above her or "of better quality." In summary, it makes you come off as a douche instead of the "good guy" you may be trying to look like.
> 
> I'm not saying that this is what you meant with the word. I'm just saying that's how it comes off. At least to me.


I'm sorry if I came over wrongly. With 'perfect' I meant attractive to me and being able to enjoy their presence. I did not mean perfect, as a perfect female for me.

I'm picky because I'm shallow, I'm shallow because I refuse to date women I'm not attracted to. Attraction is a big factor in any relationship, so don't blame me for that. If you're not attracted, then it's not gonna last long.

I'm also not trying to come over as the 'good guy', this is just me.....And above someone? Hmmmm......Not really.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

I know how this guy feels, I spent time around guys who wanted to tap every girl they layed eyes on, it's sad. :roll I've always just liked that one cute girl and I couldn't ever really be intimate with someone I wasn't attracted to in all aspects. It would be wrong for both people.


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## erasercrumbs (Dec 17, 2009)

GoldenBear said:


> But I want to be a virgin till I get married :|


That's awesome.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

NatureFellow said:


> I know how this guy feels, I spent time around guys who wanted to tap every girl they layed eyes on, it's sad. :roll I've always just liked that one cute girl and I couldn't ever really be intimate with someone I wasn't attracted to in all aspects. It would be wrong for both people.


That's just like me!


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## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

NatureFellow said:


> I know how this guy feels, I spent time around guys who wanted to tap every girl they layed eyes on, it's sad. :roll I've always just liked that one cute girl and I couldn't ever really be intimate with someone I wasn't attracted to in all aspects. It would be wrong for both people.


Some people just have a higher sex drive. I noticed that some people who decry about how some guys sleep around admit that they would do the same if they had the ability to do so themselves. A case of sour grapes I think. Not that I am saying you are but a lot of people who get angry at other guys getting laid are this way.


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## CoolSauce (Mar 6, 2012)

NatureFellow said:


> I know how this guy feels, I spent time around guys who wanted to tap every girl they layed eyes on, it's sad. :roll I've always just liked that one cute girl and I couldn't ever really be intimate with someone I wasn't attracted to in all aspects. It would be wrong for both people.


even though we had an incident at the animal thing this words my experiences/viewpoints exactly


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## DAM71392 (Jan 28, 2012)

i like how ppl who dont have SA tell you its a problem that ur a virgin and ppl that do have SA tell you it ok just goes to show u theres better ppl out there somewhere :hide


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

gentleman caller said:


> Some people just have a higher sex drive. I noticed that some people who decry about how some guys sleep around admit that they would do the same if they had the ability to do so themselves. A case of sour grapes I think. Not that I am saying you are but a lot of people who get angry at other guys getting laid are this way.


Having high hormones is not a good excuse for having low standards. There are some people like that who their let their brains control them, not hormones.


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## Enderbean (Mar 14, 2012)

DAM71392 said:


> i like how ppl who dont have SA tell you its a problem that ur a virgin and ppl that do have SA tell you it ok just goes to show u theres better ppl out there somewhere :hide


Well....what is wrong with being a virgin?


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## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

i def get what youre saying op, but there have been times when guy has told me he didnt like girl or he had high standards and girl was very attractive

chalked it up to the guy is not telling the truth <___<


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## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

Quinn the Eskimo said:


> i def get what youre saying op, but there have been times when guy has told me he didnt like girl or he had high standards and girl was very attractive
> 
> chalked it up to the guy is not telling the truth <___<


It has to be a case of sour grapes. Reject them before they have a chance to reject you kind of thing.


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## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

and to the guys saying they only want to have relations with one girl, or wanna wait for the right girl

give me a friggin break

its one thing to want a good relationship, but come on, even girls have *desires. *Even if they're taken. its not "sad" to have fantasies about different people. they dont have to be acted upon, thats a personal preference, but come on give me a break o____0


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## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

gentleman caller said:


> It has to be a case of sour grapes. Reject them before they have a chance to reject you kind of thing.


agree 100%


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## nonesovile (Dec 4, 2011)

I personally think all this "i'm waiting for the right person" stuff is ridiculous. It's better to have experience so when you do meet the right person you'll perform better for them D: Though it is good that you have standards.


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## Paperwings (Mar 6, 2012)

it's ok to be picky, but on the same token you have to be realistic


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

^^^this.


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

shyguyy said:


> U should though, thats my new plan in life.
> 
> Using a girl for sex is nowhere near as bad as a girl who leaves a man and takes alimony and child support, thereby effectively making him her slave. Plus women like sex too, they just pretend they're being used so they dont feel like ****s.


It's quite obvious you hate women or something, and you're generalizing all of us to make it seem that using women is ok, which it's not. Honestly the child support system is needed for some situations. There are some men who would just like to run away from their responsibilities and leave the mom to care for the children (which happens a lot with teen moms). There's also instances where having to pay alimony and child support seems unfair, and sometimes it's women that have to pay it, not only men, so it's not just black and white.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

NatureFellow said:


> I know how this guy feels, I spent time around guys who wanted to tap every girl they layed eyes on, it's sad. :roll I've always just liked that one cute girl and I couldn't ever really be intimate with someone I wasn't attracted to in all aspects. It would be wrong for both people.


I used to hang out with guys like this when i was younger. They would act as though they was interested in a girl just so they could have sex with them, and as soon as they got what they wanted, the girl would get dumped and ignored. And whats even worse is that they feel no guilt whatsoever about dumping them after they had had their little bit of fun. They would even brag about it saying stuff like "another girl humped and dumped! high five!" :|. Its too bad that so many guys these days have been conditioned by society to think that this type of behaviour is perfectly acceptable and its what 'real men should do'. :roll


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

I don't know.

No really I don't.

I had a friend back in junior high school who told me we should hook up with ugly girls, date for a while and then break up with them. All to gain dating experience and confidence. Even back then it seemed cruel and wrong to do that.

But now looking back, said friend was never without a girlfriend, I'm 33 and I never had one. Also these were girls who did not get asked out by the "popular boys." maybe it would have helped their confidence. And also these girls weren't "ugly" they just weren't the alpha girls that all the boys wanted, who knows if I would have given one of them a chance I could have found a diamond in the rough. 

I think SA virgins are way to obsessed with sex, both the frustrated virgins and the "i'm waiting for the right person" virgin. They are all obsessed with either having sex or obsessed with not having it. 

The TC's original post talks about how a guy was pressuring him to have sex with a girl, but he's picky. Well what about dating A girl, rather than waiting for a perfect one. Because no girl is perfect, no guy is perfect, it's smarter to get to know a lot of different kinds of people than to avoid any form of relationship. 

You don't have to have sex until you find "the perfect person." But how will you find the perfect person if you don't give people a chance?

Unless the reason you didn't even give this girl a chance is because you have SA, in which case this topic isn't about guys pressuring you to have sex, it's about you having SA and being too scared to act at all.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

^
hmnut, I agree with you.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Define Me said:


> I'm sorry if I came over wrongly. With 'perfect' I meant attractive to me and being able to enjoy their presence. I did not mean perfect, as a perfect female for me.
> 
> I'm picky because I'm shallow, I'm shallow because I refuse to date women I'm not attracted to. Attraction is a big factor in any relationship, so don't blame me for that. If you're not attracted, then it's not gonna last long.
> 
> I'm also not trying to come over as the 'good guy', this is just me.....And above someone? Hmmmm......Not really.


So I was basically right with my last post by the looks of yours... :roll

If you admit to being shallow it's because you yourself believe you're deserving of someone ALL MIGHTY (physically).
I see nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who you find physically attractive, but when you state beauty is the only thing that matters (i.e. admitting you're shallow), then yes, you do believe you are above other people.

You wonder what's wrong with men; I hope you weren't excluding yourself from that question.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> So I was basically right with my last post by the looks of yours... :roll
> 
> If you admit to being shallow it's because you yourself believe you're deserving of someone ALL MIGHTY (physically).
> I see nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who you find physically attractive, but when you state beauty is the only thing that matters (i.e. admitting you're shallow), then yes, you do believe you are above other people.
> ...


The OP never said anything about beauty being the only thing that matters.

Heres my thought on the matter: Sexual attraction is a pre-requisite. But once that condition is fulfilled, I look at other factors in the person.

For eg. Say there is a woman who I am really sexually attracted to. If she has an ugly personality, I'm not quite sure I want to sleep with her. Let alone have a relationship with her. I have social anxiety disorder and sex is a source of social anxiety in of itself. I worry about other people evaluating me and judging me every single day in everyday interactions (not as much as before thankfully!). So it's only natural I worry about the same thing in bed.

And there are other factors. For eg. I have a thing for good looking older women who like young men ("cougars"). But I'm not sure I'd date a woman in her mid-late 30s or 40s because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't be attracted to her anymore when she ages. But a girl around my age or hell even a 18 year old can be hot now and then let herself go too while the hot cougar 9 years my senior may still look hot 10 years from now. It's always a gamble. Relationships are always a gamble. This is why I'm terrified of commitment. I get nervous signing a 3 year cell phone contract ffs.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*judgement*

LOVE how Define me complains about unwarranted advice..and ends up getting even more!

His sex life is his business..Define, I support you with whatever decisions you make. When I was an 18 year old with SA, I chose to give my virginity away to a guy I wasn't attracted to and did not like, becuase I felt desperate.

That basically defined my sex life, for the rest of my life.
Don't settle, although I encourage you to check out this link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogeny

not becuase I think u are one, but becuase a man needs to be aware of how our society blames women and over sexulizes them, etc etc.


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## mzmz (Feb 26, 2012)

*oh yeah*

and every time i read a thread about women and men, 
I hear men on here blame woman, say how they are picky and snobby, bring up the fact that men pay etc etc etc.

Men still make more, guys, not to mention woman are expected to dress well and wear make up- you would be amazed how much it all costs to just look "Acceptable" as a woman in this society.

there are an equal amount of men who are jerks, as there are woman.


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## Dr Hobo Scratch MD (Jun 24, 2011)

nonesovile said:


> I personally think all this "i'm waiting for the right person" stuff is ridiculous. It's better to have experience so when you do meet the right person you'll perform better for them D: Though it is good that you have standards.


i can agree with with this. i think the whole waiting for the right one thing could blossum when you have found a girl who is your or very close to your equal in level of sexual experience. but what if you find the right girl who is experienced with relationships know who she is and what she wants sexually and is use to receiving a particular level of sexual experience from the men she is with? will that women be willing to be patient and take the time to go through the motions of the trial and error process of the man learning how to satisfy her? all in all there is going to have to be some experience learned by the man. i think thats the benefit of the bang buddy. you both get to learn who you are sexually from each other. skills and a way of being that will be with you your whole sex life. i really dont see a huge amount of women unless they really like you being ok to deal with a lack of experience and hanging there own desire for getting there own sexual needs met in the closet for awhile.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

Im different to the OP, Ive asked out a girl I wasn't attracted to just to get in a relationship (we were friends though) but she rejected me anyways so yeh.

I really wouldn't care now, if I still haven't lost it by 20 then prostitute it is.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

mzmz said:


> and every time i read a thread about women and men,
> I hear men on here blame woman, say how they are picky and snobby, bring up the fact that men pay etc etc etc.
> 
> Men still make more, guys, not to mention woman are expected to dress well and wear make up- you would be amazed how much it all costs to just look "Acceptable" as a woman in this society.
> ...


I've seen studies that show that among my age group, women and men make about the same. It's in the later years where women hit a glass ceiling career-wise. Because they have babies. At my workplace, there are plenty of successful working mothers. But my employer gives maternity leave for up to a year at like 50% pay. And those women choose to go back to work after the year. That's why they keep advancing up the latter and reaching their career goals. But plenty of working mothers have ****** employers and have to choose between going back to work soon after giving birth or quitting their job/scaling down to part-time to take care of their babies.

Men spend money and time on looking good too. We just don't wear make-up and don't have 60+ pairs of shoes.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

phoenixwright said:


> The OP never said anything about beauty being the only thing that matters.


He said he was shallow, so in other words, he did.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

I don't understand why people are going out of their way to make the OP seem like some noble guy and his friend is just some jerk who uses women when every post he's made in this thread proves he's no better than his friend.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Oh hai.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

*Nvm*


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

mzmz said:


> LOVE how Define me complains about unwarranted advice..and ends up getting even more!
> 
> His sex life is his business..Define, I support you with whatever decisions you make. When I was an 18 year old with SA, I chose to give my virginity away to a guy I wasn't attracted to and did not like, becuase I felt desperate.
> 
> ...


I grew up with 3 sisters......I'm slightly feminine myself............How does me being shallow correlate with abuse of women? I wouldn't hurt anyone......let alone a woman.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

See, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. You deride your "friend" and make him look bad when you're just as shallow as you say he is. The only difference is, he cares more about getting laid and you care more about looks. You're no better or worse than he is.

Also, you've got some kind of audacity to come in here like, "Oh, I don't use girls for sex. That's disgusting" (because it's not like the girls don't enjoy it or do it too, right) when it's clear for your last post that you WOULD if she met your "standards."

And to be clear, I have no problem with your preferences. That's your business and you're more than entitled to them, but I did take offense to the holier-than-thou attitude you displayed, then contradicted, throughout this thread.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Peter Attis said:


> See, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. You deride your "friend" and make him look bad when you're just as shallow as you say he is. The only difference is, he cares more about getting laid and you care more about looks. You're no better or worse than he is.
> 
> Also, you've got some kind of audacity to come in here like, "Oh, I don't use girls for sex. That's disgusting" (because it's not like the girls don't enjoy it or do it too, right) when it's clear for your last post that you WOULD if she met your "standards."
> 
> And to be clear, I have no problem with your preferences. That's your business and you're more than entitled to them, but I did take offense to the holier-than-thou attitude you displayed, then contradicted, throughout this thread.


I never stated I'm holier than anyone.......That's what you presume.


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## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

Topic is going nowhere.......Nvm.


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## billeh (Mar 28, 2007)

I get crap for this all the time, but I have zero interest in sex with a woman I don't have feelings for. And as far as relationships are concerned, I'm looking for forever, not flings.


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## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> Excuse me? He did nothing wrong here. Basically, all he said was that life was too short to be "picky." What's wrong with that? He is entitled to that viewpoint, just like the OP is entitled to his. It doesn't mean he's not a friend, or he's a tool, or he's a pushing the OP to have sex when he doesn't want to. I really don't see where people are getting that.
> 
> This is really a non-issue. There are only two reasons the OP could have made this thread: 1) He's gay, or 2) part of him knows his friend was right.


You're just arguing for the sake of arguing. You jump on this OP for being too picky, but you contest another OP for not accepting that a picky person can have their preferences.

So someone who will only date those with blue eyes, just has preferences. Yet a 20-year old virgin doesn't have standards, he's just being too picky. Sounds like your playing devil's advocate for those who aren't here, just so you can vent on those who are here.


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

F1X3R said:


> You're just arguing for the sake of arguing. You jump on this OP for being too picky, but you contest another OP for not accepting that a picky person can have their preferences.
> 
> So someone who will only date those with blue eyes, just has preferences. Yet a 20-year old virgin doesn't have standards, he's just being too picky. Sounds like your playing devil's advocate for those who aren't here, just so you can vent on those who are here.


No. I had no problem with the girl in the OKCupid thread because she made her preferences clear and was unashamed about them. I took issue with THIS post because the OP acted like his friend was a jerk/womanizer/pig because they didn't share the same viewpoint, and everybody in the thread tried to make his friend seem like the bad guy when he did NOTHING WRONG. If you bothered to read the thread (including THE VERY POST YOU QUOTED), you'd see that I had no problem with the OP's preferences.


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## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

Peter Attis said:


> No. I had no problem with the girl in the OKCupid thread because she made her preferences clear and was unashamed about them. I took issue with THIS post because the OP acted like his friend was a jerk/womanizer/pig because they didn't share the same viewpoint, and everybody in the thread tried to make his friend seem like the bad guy when he did NOTHING WRONG. If you bothered to read the thread (including THE VERY POST YOU QUOTED), you'd see that I had no problem with the OP's preferences.


You don't think the OP's being too picky?


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