# Dating Sites



## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Naturally, I'm interested in finding a partner. Recently I've been feeling more confident in general, and I think I may finally have the guts to sign up for a dating site. I'd like to know a little more before I jump into it though.

For those of you who have used dating sites before, what was the experience like? Which sites have you used? Did you end up meeting anybody? Do you have any advice for newbies like me? Any info is much appreciated! Thanks =)


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Umm well I've used myspace, plentyoffish, matchdoctor, yahoo personals, gothicmatch, etc..... have had nothing but bad luck so far...but I am just bad luck. and I did meet some people from all those sites. :um 
best experience so far has been with gothicmatch...the guy I met there actually still talks to me, unlike the others. probably not for long though.


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## BJ (Mar 1, 2007)

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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I actually have more success with "normal" online communities, as opposed to ones that directly say it is for dating.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

As obvious as it is that I will never find anyone interested in me in real life, I can't imagine seriously using an online personal ad. I can just imagine setting up a meeting with someone (maybe someone who remembers me from high school), only to discover that it's some elaborate attempt to humiliate me. Even if I did legitimately meet someone, I believe they would make fun of me.

On a slightly lighter note, I set up a profile at okcupid.com once. I put down the wrong location, because I didn't want anyone who "knew" me to find me. I just wanted to see if someone, _anyone_ would respond to me. I was "woo'd" by a transvestite from Japan and a few others, I also received a few emails, along a disturbing letter from an elderly man... so that was the end of that. I seriously don't know why anyone even responded; my profile was f*cking creepy. The transvestite was pretty hot, though. I definitely would have given him a go.


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## richie (Jan 24, 2006)

I think its safe to say I probably have used these sites more than most people. I've been on them for years....match, yahoo, dreammates, lavalife, plus a few others (eharmony rejected me as too much of a loser). 

Its been a double edged sword for me....on the plus side, its pretty much my only hope (its the only place that I find women who will talk to me) but in reality these sites have destroyed any last shred of confidence I had. I managed to get good numbers of responses, but my rejection rate after sending a picture is unbelievably terrible (and I purposely only write to people without pictures or who are not very attractive). I've wasted so much money over the years, I wish I never got hooked on these sites.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



richie said:


> Its been a double edged sword for me....in reality these sites have destroyed any last shred of confidence I had. ..and I purposely only write to people without pictures or who are not very attractive


I think online dating has been overall bad for me too, although for different reasons than you. I feel that since I meet these people online, I don't get to develop social skills in real life.
And I find that you really shouldn't msg people who you are not attracted to very much. It's a bad mentality to have. For example, on this last website I went to, only girls who I thought were un-attractive would msg me. But in real life, I can get interest in girls who are much prettier.


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## mayblue (Oct 1, 2005)

I've currently got a personal ad on one of those sites and I'm messaging with someone. It's so awkward exchanging these little messages with someone I've never met and have no idea if I will like him when we do meet. But I have a feeling meeting in person might be even more awkward. We have vague plans to meet next weekend. :afr


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## richie (Jan 24, 2006)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



Strength said:


> And I find that you really shouldn't msg people who you are not attracted to very much. It's a bad mentality to have. For example, on this last website I went to, only girls who I thought were un-attractive would msg me. But in real life, I can get interest in girls who are much prettier.


I probably worded that poorly since there are two factors that I left out, 1) looks aren't that important to me, and 2) I think the prettiest women is not what "society" in general things is very attractive. So when I say I don't message the very attractive ones, I'm referring to the ones 99% of the population would be attracted to. They still are attractive to me in some way.

I don't even like the fact that I should have to rule out the fact that someone is "too attractive" for me, I wish we could all base potential partners based on personality and common interests, etc...but honestly, looks are a major factor for most people (like it or not). I could be wrong because I recently emailed a girl on a site who posted her picture after we were already corresponding and she is absolutely stunning (in my eyes and probably the general populations eyes). She's very nice and we met last night for the first time. Things went really good (I thought) but I don't know yet if she was just saying it as an easy way out as we were leaving....I'll find out more this week.


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I actively used personals sites for over four years with profiles up on both free and pay sites and the end result was zero dates. Nobody ever responded to my profile and the few women who answered me back rejected me after seeing my picture or finding out more about me. Very few women on those sites interest me so that reduces my chances even further. It seems most of them are outgoing, socially active women who I share nothing in common with or they are the trashy types. I managed to make a friend through one site but after all those years of trying I never did get a date. I did meet a really great girl online once...never met anyone as sweet and understanding, who shared so much in common with me but I managed to wait too long before telling her how I felt so I lost that chance. I don't know...I've been rejected so much in my life and despite my best efforts to meet someone I seem destined to spend the rest of my life alone. It seems my only chance is a mail order bride but I haven't grown _that_ desperate yet...
Whatever you decide, don't set your expectations too high. If you meet someone, great; but for me they were a huge disappointment. I always thought I could fall back on the personals if everything else failed but even that doesn't work for everyone.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

I signed up for okcupid and Nerve personals and others just to check out profiles of people I knew from school... I didn't post a pic, so of course I got no response even though I put a fair amount of thought and wit into my profiles.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



emptybottle said:


> I signed up for okcupid . . . . just to check out profiles of people I knew from school... I didn't post a pic. . . . I put a fair amount of thought and wit into my profiles.


I did that, too. I just wanted to take the quizzes, though. I wrote all through the profile for people not to message me, and etc, but someone from my college actually sent me a message. I recognized him from his picture, and then I kept seeing him walking around campus. He said something about finding my sarcastic sense of humor "appealing," and that it's probably not appreciated by most people. I never replied, though.


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## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

^^ Was he cute?... I would have probably replied if someone complimented me on my sense of humor and he was at least a little bit attractive.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

No, not really, but he wasn't physically unattractive. Not that I care, though, because I would date anything that's currently living. Even the incontinent and delirious elderly who are inches from death are starting to look good. At least they have comfortable Craftmatic Adjustable beds, and I'm all for that. 
I just went ahead and assumed that this guy would discover that I am a perverse, wretched shell of a woman, and eventually file a restraining order against me.


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## nesteroff (Nov 14, 2003)

It was like a freak accident that I met my boyfriend at the one dating site I've been to - socialanxietymatch.com 

However, it is long distance, something I would stay clear of if you have the choice (now that I know how hard it is)

I think you can meet really nice people this way.


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## VCL XI (Jan 19, 2004)

I've signed up and filled profiles but have never gone beyond that. $30 a month for most of these sites always seemed ridiculous to me. Plus, "making a move" is just far too embarrassing.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

I signed up to True.com once. I did the free trial and canceled before I had to pay. haha I ended up going out with a guy from there, but it didn't work out. Big surprise. I think I joined out of curiosity, but I'm not doing dating sites anymore...well besides Myspace, but at least it's free. I hate having to fill out those stupid profiles and I don't like the idea of having to pay to find someone. Lame. I noticed on True.com they'll send you emails and make you think someone is into you, it's really just the staff trying to keep you hooked in which is even more lame. I've heard they do that on other sites too like Match.com


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## Ghost (Nov 17, 2003)

Nicolay said:


> Naturally, I'm interested in finding a partner. Recently I've been feeling more confident in general, and I think I may finally have the guts to sign up for a dating site. I'd like to know a little more before I jump into it though.
> 
> For those of you who have used dating sites before, what was the experience like? Which sites have you used? Did you end up meeting anybody? Do you have any advice for newbies like me? Any info is much appreciated! Thanks =)


Well Nicolay if you do join up for some dating site(s) you better develope thick skin quick because it' might be a very rocky road ahead.
You might get lucky or you might get burned hard for two or more consecutive times.
It was a waste of time for me but for others there might be some success.
If you do try these dating sites out don't give up on hope until you're satisfied that you've tried your hardest.
Good luck......................................


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

nolongerlonely.com is my favorite. Met my gf there who also has social anxiety. There aren't that many people on that site, but a high percentage of them have social anxiety or other anxiety related problems. I also made a friend on that site about 2 years ago and we still talk and do thing together sometimes. I had much better luck with these sites when I tried to meet people who are similar to me instead of outgoing people.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I'm seriously considering going on a dating site at some point. I'm concerned about a matter of etiquette on those sites. If someone contacts you and you see their photo and have absolutely no attraction to them, what do you do? Because I've been called ugly in the past, I never want to hurt someone's feelings or reject them just because I don't find them attractive.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

Most people who aren't interested in you just don't reply. I usually go with the honest route and tell them the truth. I would get replies from people that were far too old or far too far away from me, and I would tell them I am not interested for those reasons. I never had to tell anyone that I just found them unattractive because I've never been contacted by anyone that I found that unappealing looks wise.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

radfaraf--Thanks for your comment. Have you ever had any meaningful dates as a result of going to a dating site? 

Also, has anyone ever contacted a person via Craigslist? I've heard jokes about that site that it's a little seedy and, yes, some of the personal ads are a little strange. But you've got women on that site searching only for an intimate encounter and some of the things they say are . . . interesting, to say the least. But I'm such a loser that I'd probably get rejected even by those ladies. Oh, well.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

I've only had dates as the result of meeting women online. I can't get any dates the old fashioned way due to be too anxious to try. My current girlfriend is from a dating site, so I think that speaks a lot about what some of us with social anxiety can do with the help of these sites to break the ice. 

I've also used Craigslist before, I got way more replies when I posted that I had social anxiety and was looking for similar people on there than I did when I said I was shy looking for a shy girl. That made me scratch my head a bit :con. 

The intimate encounter posts are a bit funny.. I never responded to any of those types as I wouldn't want someone like that. One of my friends had a theory that most of those posts on Craigslist are just looking for email addresses to harvest for spam usage. And honestly even if the posts are real, how many guys do you think email these types of girls in response? Probably hundreds, I wouldn't be insulted if I got no reply knowing how many emails they probably receive. They probably just reply to whatever guy they find the most attractive since that is what they seem to be looking.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

radfaraf--Again, thanks for your advice. It's good to hear that you met someone via a dating site. It must be great. I agree with you that such sites can be good for shy people because we're better at expressing ourselves in writing than in words and we can let someone know who we are via that writing before we ever talk to them. 

As for Craigslist, your friend might be correct about the "casual encounter" posts. I hadn't thought before about the possibility that they may be fake or a scam but they are a little too perfect. They're exactly what a guy would want to hear. Aside from it being a scam, another possibility is that it's just girls who get off on posting such over-the-top, baldly sexual things about themselves and who would never actually go through with it. 

When (and if) I'm ever ready, I'm going to make it clear in my dating site profile that I'm a very shy guy who is looking for someone else who is shy or at least someone who is willing to be with a shy guy. I don't think it would be prudent to say in my profile that I've never been on a date; that might weird someone out. Would you agree? I definitely would want to tell that to a girl I was going to date at some point but it might not be the best idea to put it in my profile. What's your opinion?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



IcedOver said:


> radfaraf--Again, thanks for your advice. It's good to hear that you met someone via a dating site. It must be great. I agree with you that such sites can be good for shy people because we're better at expressing ourselves in writing than in words and we can let someone know who we are via that writing before we ever talk to them.
> 
> As for Craigslist, your friend might be correct about the "casual encounter" posts. I hadn't thought before about the possibility that they may be fake or a scam but they are a little too perfect. They're exactly what a guy would want to hear. Aside from it being a scam, another possibility is that it's just girls who get off on posting such over-the-top, baldly sexual things about themselves and who would never actually go through with it.
> 
> When (and if) I'm ever ready, I'm going to make it clear in my dating site profile that I'm a very shy guy who is looking for someone else who is shy or at least someone who is willing to be with a shy guy. I don't think it would be prudent to say in my profile that I've never been on a date; that might weird someone out. Would you agree? I definitely would want to tell that to a girl I was going to date at some point but it might not be the best idea to put it in my profile. What's your opinion?


There was an article in Details magazine a couple months back about people putting up fake personals on Craigslist in order to discourage people from seeking homosexual and casual encounters. In effect, they were trying to be moral crusaders.


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## mranonhello (Nov 13, 2003)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



IcedOver said:


> When (and if) I'm ever ready, I'm going to make it clear in my dating site profile that I'm a very shy guy who is looking for someone else who is shy or at least someone who is willing to be with a shy guy. I don't think it would be prudent to say in my profile that I've never been on a date; that might weird someone out. Would you agree? I definitely would want to tell that to a girl I was going to date at some point but it might not be the best idea to put it in my profile. What's your opinion?


Basically be honest without being negative about yourself. If you find the right person then you can share more private details about yourself in time. Things that may scare someone away at first become no big deal once they get to know your positive qualities.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

*Re: re: Dating Sites*



radfaraf said:


> I've also used Craigslist before, I got way more replies when I posted that I had social anxiety and was looking for similar people on there than I did when I said I was shy looking for a shy girl. That made me scratch my head a bit :con.
> 
> The intimate encounter posts are a bit funny.. I never responded to any of those types as I wouldn't want someone like that. One of my friends had a theory that most of those posts on Craigslist are just looking for email addresses to harvest for spam usage. And honestly even if the posts are real, how many guys do you think email these types of girls in response? Probably hundreds, I wouldn't be insulted if I got no reply knowing how many emails they probably receive. They probably just reply to whatever guy they find the most attractive since that is what they seem to be looking.


Craigslist is probably 85-90% men and, in my opinion, only good for selling things and killing time reading all of the flaming, ranting, and of course racist banter on R & R. You're right about harvesting e-mail addresses, especially the personals. The number of real women in personals is probably about 5-30%, depending on when and where.


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