# This sounds stupid, but... How do I make friends at school??



## Jonny-5 (Jun 19, 2006)

I have been going to Louisiana State University for about a year now, and i have yet to meet one friend. None. And I wouldn't have posted this topic if I wasn't completely deperate. It's like I simply forgot how to make friends. I have a girlfriend, but I would like hang out with guys and have friends like a normal person. I just feel so awkward when I'm around new people, and I don't know what to say. Whenever my classes are over, I just leave campus and go home for the rest of the evening. At home, I turn on the TV or radio to hear people talk; because I'm so damn lonely. What bothers me the most is that once people get to know me, they see that I'm cool, and once i'm comfortable around them I'm sure I make a great friend. But if I don't know someone, I am awkward, I mumble, and I seem overly tense. It's killing me... :con


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## jca (Feb 7, 2005)

Yeah, I would like to know too


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

You're asking the wrong board, but would it make you feel better to know that it's okay to be awkward and nervous when you first meet people? It takes a while to develope the comfortable ease that we're all so envious of. Give your first encounters with people some time to develope into something more. This happens with everyone, I promise you. There are some people that you become instant best freinds forever with...but most people are of the first variety and it takes time.

I'm going to college next year and this is what my therapist recommended: get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way. haha, sounds so easy right? This is why I'm going on paxil this coming fall.


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## Jonny-5 (Jun 19, 2006)

NightinGale said:


> You're asking the wrong board, but would it make you feel better to know that it's okay to be awkward and nervous when you first meet people? It takes a while to develope the comfortable ease that we're all so envious of. Give your first encounters with people some time to develope into something more. This happens with everyone, I promise you. There are some people that you become instant best freinds forever with...but most people are of the first variety and it takes time.
> 
> I'm going to college next year and this is what my therapist recommended: get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way. haha, sounds so easy right? This is why I'm going on paxil this coming fall.


 Thanks for the reply. What board should I have posted this on, for future reference? Lol, yea that sounds real easy. Look open and inviting, huh? Maybe i will try that. I think I'm going to sit down in the cafeteria with a sign around my neck that says: "The first person that strikes up a conversation with me, wins fifty bucks!" 
Maybe that would be open and inviting enough...


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way. haha, sounds so easy right?


I don't mean to be a downer, but I wouldn't pin too many of your hopes on this plan.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

> I'm going to college next year and this is what my therapist recommended: get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way.


I've done that a zillion times and nobody has ever approached me.

Anyway, I can't believe a therapist said that. Seems like a very passive way to get friends. Everything is left up to the other people. Usually therapists discourage passive behavior and encourage assertiveness, they want you to be empowered, and want you to take action to change your situation.


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## MannishBoy (Jun 24, 2006)

I'm currently a gradute student at the University of New Orleans (or what's left of it). I attended LSU for about a month after Katrina. In 5 years of college, I haven't made any friends either.

I have no advice. Just letting you know I can relate to your troubles and your geography.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

I'll try my therapist's little plan and we'll see if it works, mwhahahaha. She's never let me down before. She also said that you'll want to invite people from your class out to lunch or whatever like within the first week of class. Just be like, "Hey are you hungry? I'm starving, you want to get something from the cafeteria?" Everyone's in the same lonely boat the first week of classes and are probably dying to have a security buddy to hang out with. My SA is doing really well so I also plan on joining lots of clubs, too. Um, I'm not sure if this will work for you but you could try! 

And as for my previous plan: Maybe you could read a funny book that would get you laughing and make you seem very warm/inviting. I read alot and everytime I'm carrying a book around people always ask me what I'm reading.


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## Jonny-5 (Jun 19, 2006)

MannishBoy said:


> I'm currently a gradute student at the University of New Orleans (or what's left of it). I attended LSU for about a month after Katrina. In 5 years of college, I haven't made any friends either.
> 
> I have no advice. Just letting you know I can relate to your troubles and your geography.


 It's cool being able to hear from people who share the same problem, so it's cool. Maybe I have a big imagination, but when I decided to go LSU, I thought it was gonna be really cool. I envisioned having a lot of friends, going to parties, maybe even running for a position in a club or something. But I haven't did anything yet. Usually, after two weeks or so, I feel defeated and I lose all hope of having a good semester. Everytime I hear someone say LSU is a party school, I think: what does that mean? I have yet to run across one of these parties, lol. :stu


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## keem (Jun 23, 2006)

I also found that just carrying a book around can start conversations. People will ask me what I'm reading and how I like it and sometimes I'm able to continue the conversations.

Another thing that has always helped me is to carry a pack of gum with me and take it out when the classroom starts filling up. Lots of people chew gum and usually somebody sitting around me will ask if they can have a piece. Sometimes it can get a conversation going.


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## MannishBoy (Jun 24, 2006)

The gum thing is sort of helpful. I had a girl in one of my history classes who knew me only as "gum man" because I always had some on me. This is because I'm paranoid about bad breathe.

As far as college parties go, I have only heard of the phenomenon but have no first hand experience. I had a freshmen roommate who would get invited to parties and I was a senior locked up in my room all of the time. It was so discouraging. He has so many more friends than me and was out all of the time. 

Having not been invited to any parties, I don't know how I'd react, but I assume I'd turn it down even if I was, which would only be more discouraging.


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

NightinGale said:


> I'm going to college next year and this is what my therapist recommended: get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way.


That's terrible advice. If you're reading, you look busy, and unapproachable. I guess it might work if you just sit there and drink coffee, but you'd probably have better luck if you went to places where people are actually meeting: clubs at school, parties, etc.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

> She also said that you'll want to invite people from your class out to lunch or whatever like within the first week of class. Just be like, "Hey are you hungry? I'm starving, you want to get something from the cafeteria?"


That sounds like a good plan. I see people do that all the time. They ask each other to lunch. And they form bonds that way. Plus, you learn to take the initiative.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

ianthe said:


> whiteclouds said:
> 
> 
> > > She also said that you'll want to invite people from your class out to lunch or whatever like within the first week of class. Just be like, "Hey are you hungry? I'm starving, you want to get something from the cafeteria?"
> ...


Yep. Me.

If you want to get better and improve your situation than you will stop thinking so negatively and DO it. Easier said than done but all you've got are your thoughts so start doing something proactive with them.


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## bk (May 2, 2004)

Take classes with labs that require partners/groups. That's pretty much the only way I met people in my first couple years of university.


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## idunnoimnotcreative (Jul 11, 2006)

Im in the same situation as you, in that my first year of university was a flop. The thing is, I stayed locked up in my dorm room most of the time. You need to go to the place where everyone hangs out, and then look for people you know and then try and strike up conversations with them. Then hopefully you can network from there, and meet their friends etc.


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

I'm a bit more social every semester I go to school. Again it depends whether or not I feel comfortable with the class (teachers and as classmates) My social skills aren't up there but I manage to get to know a couple in some of my classes and when we see each other in the campus we greet each other hi. I'm not sure about making friends though. For me it's hard, for one it feels like it depends on the person if they like you (I think I'm generally liked in my classes) but chances of more contact outside of class doesn't happen much in school so I don't know. 

For me there's always a 1 or 2 that I would like to get to know better. My therapist suggested one time to survey the classroom and find someone who might be comfortable to talk to and would like to get to know better. 

Of course there are organizations in school that might share similar interests which personally I haven't persued yet but I will in the Fall. Another aspect I talked to my therapist was about having in a friend is sharing similar values, interests, and beliefs. I haven't met anyone that has, yet. 

To sound a bit hopeful but my therapist met his best friend in college. and personal I too might met my best friend in college or in my career path. I'm hopeful. I wish you guys/gals are hopeful too.


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## emmak218 (Jul 14, 2006)

NightinGale said:


> I'm going to college next year and this is what my therapist recommended: get into the cafeteria with a book and a cup of coffee and sit there and read and look open and inviting and eventually people will mirgrate your way.


I know it really isn't my place to agree or disagree with what you're therapist recommended. My opinion is that there's definitely nothing wrong with giving any method a chance. No, I don't believe that this method will attract people towards you...it won't repell them, but it still won't attract. I think that this method is actually more of a activity for one to practice being open, inviting, and especially being in public so that you can hopefully get over the "everyone is watching me" thoughts that many people with SAD experience. You do need to practice making yourself obtainable and accessible.

I definitely agree with asking fellow classmates to lunch during the first week or two. I hate the feeling after you missed your opportunity, and how you feel that everyone has already made their friends who they will "hang out" with for the rest of the semester and/or year. I feel that way regardless though...whether it's the first class day or the middle of the semester. I always feel as if everyone around me has enough friends that they hang out with and they're not looking for someone who wants to become their friend. I hate the feeling and idea of looking like I'm trying to become someone's friend.

Emma


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## Sunny Day (Aug 1, 2006)

It is tough meeting people in school. I went to a school of 30,000+ students and I think the size of the school was overwhelming. I met some people in the classes of my major ( I would see familiar faces for junior and senior years). They were never good friends though. 
I think most people are just so busy with focusing on studying and work maybe, too. 
It is probably difficult for most students and not only those with SA.


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## TheTrickster (Nov 27, 2005)

sit next to people in a class, ask questions even if you know the answer, and maybe ask to see some notes that you "missed" even if you didnt miss them.

I havent met many people in college, most people actually talk to me first and start a conversation every once inawhile. but the first real friend i made in college i made b/c i sat next to her and asked for notes that i missed when i was sick. now she is actually my girlfriend. hazaa!


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## Chameleon (Aug 12, 2006)

Join clubs you're genuinely interested in.

It's been a tough ride for me too. Don't worry. I've yet to make new friends here.

I think we all need to just get out there and at least try. You'll feel better if you try more. It will be overwhelming at first, but give it a shot. You might be very pleased with the results.

I really need to work on my "approachability" as well, because people very rarely approach me. I always have to end up approaching them. Any SAer's here want to tell us how they improved their approachability? The other day I thought about getting one of those webcameras and watch myself walk around and talk in my room and practice improving that (yeah sounds really silly!).


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## ShyandmoreShy (Aug 10, 2006)

Just smile, and be yourself. The friends that like you for who u r, r your friends. thanx


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## microbe (Apr 3, 2006)

living in the dorms makes it easier to meet friends. My freshman year, there were liek 50 people on my hall, all living in a very confined and close space. It's hard not to see and talk to people, especially roomates. After about the first few weeks, you'll see who's similar etc. For example, most of my friends freshman year were the kids who were still around the halls on thursday-saturday nights.

Although, now that i've moved out, i haven't made nearly as many friends, and none of which i talk to on a daily basis.


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## uptheanty (Sep 22, 2006)

in a life skills course at college i took, the lecturer said theres a 3 week period, were everyone forms there groups

Most people are apprenhensice on there first day of whatever may it be school or work etc, at college everyone is new so everyone even those who are more confident are worried about not making friends or having people to relate too

Use those early weeks to best use, after that it becomes very very hard, most people once they have a group will be scared of new members as they will see you *** a threat to there place in the group

Good Luck!


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