# Nothing to show for my life - wasted youth



## PepeSylvia (Dec 1, 2016)

Hi Guys, 

Lately I've been super depressed because I have zero life experiences that I can talk about with other people. I've always been a loner so I went through all of high school and university with no fond memories to look back on, and almost no friends that I can get back in touch with. 

I started hanging out with this girl recently, and she keeps telling me story after story of crazy adventures that she used to get in with her friends. Me on the other hand, I've literally just existed for 26 years. And I just know she's wondering why I'm not contributing anything. She has already acknowledged that she does most of the talking when we hang out. 

I have no close friends, haven't had a best friend since middle school, and feeling crappier by the minute. If I somehow found someone willing to marry me, I would feel even worst because I have no friends to share the experience with. 

Somebody please tell me you know this feeling. It feels awful. If any younger people are reading - please, go make some memories.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I know the feeling (never had a friend until adulthood), but over time youth ceases to matter. Teenage-hood was half a lifetime ago, and I barely remember it anyway.


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## RacerX75 (May 13, 2018)

I feel the same way. I've been through so many jobs it's ridiculous. And it has nothing to do with my job performance, although the management always uses that as the reason to let me go. It does have everything to do with my awkwardness and anxiety issues. 
It also has affected my social life. I have a girlfriend but she's just as depressed and anti-social as I am. I would love to have friends but for whatever reason nobody wants to maintain a friendship with me. I feel like people, especially these days, are extremely competitive. Whenever I have had friends the relationship always breaks down and people get this better than though attitude. I know somehow I'm partly to blame but I have no idea what it is about me that makes people respond this way towards me. It's beyond frustrating.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Dont worry im right there with you. I was homeschooled by strict parents if you can imagine. 4, homeschooled, 6, homeschooled, 12, homeschooled, 13 finally got enrolled at school where i was anxious and friendless, 14 pulled out of school and isolated, 16 walked around the house all day, 17 literally beat myself up every day in anger at my life, 18 drugs and alcohol and attempted suicide. Sigh...


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## EagleNinja (Jun 10, 2018)

RacerX75 said:


> I would love to have friends but for whatever reason nobody wants to maintain a friendship with me. I feel like people, especially these days, are extremely competitive. Whenever I have had friends the relationship always breaks down and people get this better than though attitude. I know somehow I'm partly to blame but I have no idea what it is about me that makes people respond this way towards me. It's beyond frustrating.


Hi RacerX, i thought ill respond to this part of your quote because i totally relate to that 1000%. I have no issues getting that "initial" friendship and or relationship, but just like you the relationship/friendship be it at work or outside work always breaks down, and i also get the EXACT same "better than though attitude" you're talking about.

Indeed we are partly to blame, maybe because it's hard for social anxiety people to maintain a consistent personality? Like you I have found it extremely difficult to figure out what exactly is it about me that makes people respond that way. For example even if someone knows me for more than a year, we would chat all the time, joke, laugh similar interests but they never consider me a "friend" even if i do, and it always ends up breaking down.

This happened to me very recently actually with a female (whom i thought was a friend) who moved town she didn't even tell me goodbye or give me her contact details to stay in touch, infact she told me that i have 48 hours if i need anything from her before she left. I wanted to scream at her telling her how dare she treat me that way after all those times we spent together, we chatted, helped each other, etc and that i demand some respect and this and that, but that only played in my head lol. It was very painful experience (still hurts)

i hope we can share and help each other with our experiences


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## EagleNinja (Jun 10, 2018)

PepeSylvia said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Lately I've been super depressed because I have zero life experiences that I can talk about with other people. I've always been a loner so I went through all of high school and university with no fond memories to look back on, and almost no friends that I can get back in touch with.
> 
> ...


First of all i'm new to this forum, i came here searching for answers and to read each others experiences, i think it helps when we see we are not alone.

You are still young at 26, i totally understand how you feel and im sure most of us here share similar experience, my advise being slightly older is to try and create your "own" adventures (minus the friends), go Travel on your own, go on a cruise, go watch a movie, a game, whatever friends do together do it on your own, if you find and make friends along the way GREAT, if you don't then atleast you experienced things in your own way and you still have some stories to tell (even if there are no friends to tell your story to).

You might say well how will you enjoy these things on your own it "sounds depressing". Yes maybe, but you will learn to enjoy things on your own as time goes by, we will always "Crave" for friendship but that is part of our suffering we need to figure out.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

The sooner u realize things won't get better the easier and less miserable ur life will be. It's the hope and expecting things to get better that actually kills u inside. Let go and learn to accept the reality of existence. It's the best option, I know from experience.


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## VirtousD (Apr 2, 2017)

I can relate to this 100% it really is a catch 22 in terms of trying to build relationships after about 21 since most people in their twenties are already well established socially and you'd need a really good selling point if you wish to be added to their circle otherwise there is no incentive. It's almost chicken and egg in terms of trying to meet people and build memories. 

In order to build relationships you need good conversations/memories to share in order to hold their interest. However, no interesting experiences can be created if you are unable to sustain friendship with people. Almost like the situation with the job market..... need experience to get a job but need a job to get experience.

On the bright side i guess mid twenties is still young enough to catch enough people without responsibilities tying them down so there are fair amount willing to expand their network.


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## rmb1990 (Jan 16, 2015)

Yup. nearly 30. Don't feel proud of anything. Getting more and more depressed each day. Wanna die most days. Life is pointless af.


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## callmeSong (Jun 29, 2018)

I want more to show for myself. I want credentials, certificates, and financial assets under my name. I need good friends behind my back.

I'm mid twenties. I'm actually turning 26 in August so I guess that I can't say that I'm only halfway to 30 anymore. 
It's hard to feel like I'm in control of my life, when I don't have a stable career and no big group of friends who love me deeply. My expectations for my life have gone down steeper every season I live through. I think knowing that my family is always there has been both a source of comfort and ordeal for me. 
They coddle me with their advice, to say the least. 

But I'm not sure what else to do with myself. 

I would love to tell my past self to live more vivaciously, but with money saved rather than spent. 
Depressed only in bouts, but that seems to do enough damage.


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## Beast And The Harlot (Jun 14, 2015)

Yes, I have a similar story..although, mine tends to differ from others here.

In my entirety of being, I have had not one friend to my name. Narry a single one. Not a friend and certainly not a "romantic partner". Alls I've ever had is myself.

They all turn their nose up at me like I'm some kind of lowly bottomfeeder.

To hell with "friends".


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## fantaspaceunicornz (Jun 30, 2018)

I can completely relate. Lately I've been feeling super depressed because of this same issue. I felt like I've wasted a lot of time at university because I was too scared to put myself out there. I don't think I've ever once invited a friend to come hang out with me. And after four years of living on campus in a very social atmosphere, I've only made it out with one friend who I can form a long term friendship with. I feel so ashamed for not knowing how to socialize and so regretful for having let down all the people that tried to befriend me at school over the years. Lately I've been trying to get into therapy to see if things will get better. I wish the best of luck to you.


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## jmn51297 (Jul 7, 2018)

I know how you feel. My social anxiety has effected my life to a ridiculous degree. Like you I haven’t had a real friend since middle school, who I stopped talking to since he seemingly decided to move on. You’re a couple years older than me (I’m 21) but have nearly identical circumstances. Basically all I want right now is to have some type of consistent relationship / friendship that actually lasts with everyone still being happy. Feel free to message me if you want, maybe we could develop some sort of friendship if you’re open to it (this goes out to anyone on the site for that matter 🤗)


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