# College cliques?



## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

I just moved in to my college on Monday; so far, it hasn't been awful, but it hasn't been great, either. I'm in a really small dorm, only 12 people, and the majority of them are twenty-something transfers. I'm in a single, and I'm happy about it, because I wouldn't want to be stuck with someone who's out until three in the morning, but at the same time I am kind of lonely.

I have managed to make friends with a girl on my floor; she's a lot like me, in the same program and all. The guys (all three of them) pretty much keep to themselves, and they really only come out at night.

Now, I've always heard that college isn't as clique-y as high school. Has that been true for you? Because from what I've seen, there are nothing BUT cliques here. The kind of girls I hated in high school are here, too. They're judgmental as hell, and unless you're just as loud and superficial as they are, you're nonexistent.

There's one girl, in particular, in my hall who's like this. I can't STAND her. We were waiting in line to get our student IDs done yesterday, and she looked behind us and said, "oh my god, there's some really ugly people behind us." She then went on to explain that she doesn't associate with ugly people. ("I don't really _do_ ugly.") I don't mean to be judgy myself, but honestly she's not as hot as she thinks she is. :mum She's so spoiled, she thinks money is the answer to everything. She seriously grates on my nerves, but I tolerate her.

The other girls in the hall are nice, but they're not openly talkative, and it's nearly impossible to make friends with people in other dorms since classes haven't started yet. There have been a few people I've had conversations with, but nothing lasting. I'm trying to be open and receptive and confident, but it's hard when I'm surrounded by the same girls that made me want to drop out in high school.

I'm hoping it gets easier when classes start tomorrow, because so far, college isn't at all what I expected.


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## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

The first weeks of college are hard on everybody. You can easily spot freshmen because they travel in packs. In a new environment, it's scary to be alone, and there's comfort in groups and cliques. 

This uncertainty and fear makes people act weird. For example, people are desperate to prove they're cool (everyone wears their nicest clothes the first week, but will be in dirty sweats come exam time. Or they drink and party more than they really want to. Or call people ugly.). Try talking to those transfer students, they might act more normal because they're not as scared. 

Some people lose the fear and become more friendly, and others stay their bratty selves. In the end though, because there's so many students in university, that with all the efforts you're making, you're bound to find decent people.


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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

People seemed pretty cliquey in college, but I think that's just human nature. People want to be around people like them. There are a lot more people in (most) colleges than in your HS, so therefore a greater chance that you'll meet people like you. You just have to get out there and find them... which was a challenge for me. I never really make any great friends in college.

-Solitario-


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

Solitario said:


> There are a lot more people in (most) colleges than in your HS, so therefore a greater chance that you'll meet people like you.


My college actually isn't much bigger than my high school was, since it's a small private college (around 1700 students).



jane said:


> Try talking to those transfer students, they might act more normal because they're not as scared.


Edit: the transfers are actually really down-to-earth. I was just with them for a few hours, and they're definitely easier to talk to than the rest of the house.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

I think if you give it a few weeks people will start to branch out from their small groups. Everyone kindof clings to the few people they knew previously early on in the semester, but I think that will fade after a while and you'll find people are a lot more open and relaxed about chatting with new people.


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## Ignivomous (Mar 31, 2008)

From my perspective, there's just one big clique consisting of the entire student body minus myself. I'm one of those transfer students and have never really been able to relate to anybody in all of my years of higher education. Any attempt I've made has failed based on how easily I see these same people meeting and conversing with others. I think I'm out of touch with most people in college, because I really can't think of anything to discuss even when the anxiety is at a manageable level. It's gotten to the point where just being at school puts me in a foul mood and leaves me no longer even open to trying. 

I wouldn't worry too much about things. You've already made more progress socially in 2 days than I have in 3 years. Things can only get better from here, right?


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## Kathy11 (Jul 20, 2008)

I also go to a private college about the same size as yours. It seems like most of the cliques here are made up of sport teams. They practice together every day obviously, eat together, and spend most of the weekend together preparing for games, celebrating, etc so really they do everything outside of the classroom together which is bad for me because with my medical problems I'm not even able to be on the golf team. Other cliques seem to be made up of kids who like partying or extremely smart kids who study together. Also tables in the dinning hall have room for about 8 people and they're circular so everyone can see if you're eating alone. I'm not sure where I might be able to fit in because I get good grades but I'm not that smart. I wonder if most small colleges are like this. I've made acquaintances from classes but they only last until the end of the term so I haven't found any close friends at college yet. But like another poster said, it will get better. Before I came to college I didn't have any acquaintances but now I have at least one from each class. Hopefully that will help me to improve my social skills.

Have you thought about joining a club? Sometimes kids from clubs become friends especially when they join a popular one with lots of meetings and events like a political club (college democrats, republicans, amnesty international, etc). Good luck


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## shelovescliche (Dec 17, 2006)

Kathy11 said:


> Other cliques seem to be made up of kids who like partying or extremely smart kids who study together.


There are SO many cliques here comprised of all-out party girls. I don't mind going to a party here and there, but I don't drink, and I don't do random hookups, which, by the way, is ALL these girls do every night. One was throwing up in the bathroom next to my room yesterday morning.



Kathy11 said:


> I wonder if most small colleges are like this. I've made acquaintances from classes but they only last until the end of the term so I haven't found any close friends at college yet. But like another poster said, it will get better. Before I came to college I didn't have any acquaintances but now I have at least one from each class. Hopefully that will help me to improve my social skills.


I've made a few acquaintances so far, though yesterday was my first day of classes. I'm hoping some of them will evolve into friendships outside of the classroom, but who knows? I'm not exactly good with asking people to hang out or getting their numbers.



Kathy11 said:


> Have you thought about joining a club?


There's actually a club fair sometime next week; I've heard there's an animal health club, and if there is, I'm going to join that one. I'm pre-vet, so hopefully I'll make some friends from there. I also have work-study at the vet clinic, so maybe I'll meet someone there, too. Who knows? :stu


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