# How long should you wait until having sex with someone you are dating?



## littlesongbird (Jan 20, 2008)

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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Until I was inlove and had a pretty sure feeling things are going to last. 1 month probably wouldn't cover that, but who knows.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I am waiting until marriage. An unpopular view, yes. but there is a goal of commitment. I'm 33 and still won't give myself away.


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## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

until marriage


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

2-3 dates


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## Kardax (Dec 29, 2004)

Since it involves at least two people, you have to consider it a shared decision. You have to talk it over 

It's entirely possible that one of you has a minimum or maximum allowable time; you have to either accept that or forget it.

-Ryan


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I don't think there is a set waiting period, just whenever it feels right. If ever a time comes in which I'm less ambiguous, I'll maybe provide a more circumscribed answer.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

^ what he said (kardak). Well, the way one comes to such a decision depends on what gender or sex you are. If you're male, you make a move, and if she rejects it, then you got your answer. From there you might talk about it. If you're female, you'll play the waiting game, unless you're an aggressive female. However, if you think he has taken too long to initiate you may want to strengthen hints of what you want, or talk about it.

But, if you're young you might as well take advantage of an increased sex drive. You might kick yourself when you're older for not doing so (my uncle constantly laments, in front of his wife even, how he should have gotten more tail when he was younger lol).


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## MeganC (Nov 23, 2008)

Setting a timeline is an exercise in futility, but I would say to wait, at the very least, until after the first 3 dates.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

MeganC said:


> Setting a timeline is an exercise in futility, but I would say to wait, at the very least, until after the first 3 dates.


If the timeline is set in stone, sure. But, having a heuristic of when one typically wants to start going at it, seems just fine to me. Conflicting interests and expectations of where the couple wants to take the relationship can end disastrously, so one might as well have some sort of heuristic to go by. I think everyone does, to some extent.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

1st date would be ideal


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

20 minutes?


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## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

when you are both ready

could be 10 days or 100 days, i'm sure you will know when you are ready.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

Interesting question. It completely depends on the individual relationship, I think you can't set a date in stone.

Personally though, I feel my preference would be to wait until I felt very comfortable around the person. I can't see that happening in the first few weeks.


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## kaylarose (Nov 21, 2006)

i think u should wait a few weeks to more..the longer u wait, the better and long lasting the relationship will be. might sound old fashioned but it works everytime. as long as u keep a balance and u get to know each other first, u will have a deeper connection.


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## MeganC (Nov 23, 2008)

Want2Bconfident said:


> 20 minutes?


Whoa! Take it easy, boy!

One hour...minimum.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

MeganC said:


> Whoa! Take it easy, boy!
> 
> One hour...minimum.


Well, seriously, it will just happen when its the right time. Like you say setting a time limit is fruitless, its not something you can push for, just go with the flow.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Want2Bconfident said:


> 20 minutes?


Really, that long?

:b


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Right after our first hello.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

When I am dating a person I really love. Well, some ppl date ppl that they like but not much...maybe one day I would too be doing that...so if it is, sex after marriage is ideal.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

For me: Marriage.

When did my ex-boyfriend want to have sex? A month and a half into dating. lol

ONE WARNING: If you are sensitive and afraid to get hurt than wait wait wait. If sex is just sex than...I guess you don't have to.


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## tiberius (Feb 9, 2007)

Form couple of hours to 5 dates. Depends on how well you're getting along.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

What's so great about marriage? Do people get some sort of fidelity skill boost when they go through with it? It reminds me of RPGs were you can just open up an in-game book and you automatically get a skill boost. A lot of people seem to have a fantasy that, if one gets married one's SO will be less likely to cheat. So, what's so great about a sheet of paper or some ceremony, besides the legal benefits? It all seems pretty superficial to me.


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## 2Talkative (Nov 1, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> I am waiting until marriage. An unpopular view, yes. but there is a goal of commitment. I'm 33 and still won't give myself away.


What happened to try before you buy ?


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## Joelle (Sep 24, 2008)

As a female, and even as a painfully shy female, I have run into guys who seem perfectly willing to make out only upon the second meeting - not even the second date, but the second MEETING. That's creepy to me, very much. Because it says that a guy willing to go so far so soon just wants me for sex. I find that not only creepy, but hurtful. Because that means they don't want me for my personality.

If they really wanted to get to know me, they'd WAIT before making such bold moves. I'm not at all comfortable with casual sexual encounters, even with casual kissing. Because it says, again, that the person seeking it wants only one thing. 

With someone I genuinely do trust and care about, I love letting go; I really do. I love submitting to those desires. But I like it only if I really like the person and trust them. If I find them to be kind and compassionate. If I truly trust that they would never hurt me intentionally, and that if they did unintentionally, they would be sorry, because they care about me. That's the kind of person I'm comfortable being raw and unbridled with. 

Or maybe I intuitively know that the kind of guy I'd most likely have a long companionate relationship with would be rather shy, introverted, careful, too intelligent for his own good, and wouldn't be comfortable making the first move - certainly not soon, anyway, if at all. 

I think someone who really liked me would be careful not to scare me off, which means they'd be slow with me, especially knowing that I'm really rather inexperienced. 

It's funny, though, because even though my alarm bells go off thinking about someone being too aggressive and forward, my body still reacts to the idea of going further with, well, with anyone, in a purely hormonal way that I have absolutely no say in. Rather strange, how your mind - your ideals and philosophies - can conflict so starkly with your body - with the simple biological fact that you are made to reproduce. I find it rather creepy that my body reacts as strongly as it does to sexual advances, even unwanted ones, because that could work against my safety. My body would be up for any sexual encounter, I think. My brain decides if that's a good idea or not. And for this brain, it's absolutely NOT a good idea to do it too soon with anyone. It doesn't matter how much you like them or how well you get on with them. Wait.


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## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

> Personally though, I feel my preference would be to wait until I felt very comfortable around the person. I can't see that happening in the first few weeks.


Agreed.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

marriage


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

Drella said:


> I don't think there is a set waiting period, just whenever it feels right.


.


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Drella said:


> I don't think there is a set waiting period, just whenever it feels right.


+2. For me it depends on a lot of variables but I don't actively think about it.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Ideally until you know you love them and are in a committed relationship. But usually it happens before that because it's a hard thing to control when you really like someone.


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## Dark Angel (Nov 12, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> I am waiting until marriage. An unpopular view, yes. but there is a goal of commitment. I'm 33 and still won't give myself away.


Its not unpopular. I agree with you too. I"m planning on staying a virgin till marriage.


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## Micronian (Nov 11, 2004)

Drella said:


> I don't think there is a set waiting period, just whenever it feels right.


I agree. sex is sex, love is love. Sex is passion, expression. You can't schedule that. It doesn't suddenly come on once you place the ring on a finger.

Sadly, that is the cruel joke that nature/nurture has bestowed upon us humans: Men want sex, women want a relationship. Each has to give a little and not go to extremes. Women have to trust that their man isn't going to leave once they "do it", and men have to put in their time--and a heck of a lot of effort--to make a relationship for a woman.

In the end, neither sex or a relationship have that much to do with love.


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## heyubigrockstar (Jul 15, 2008)

I don't think theres one set time for everyone. it depends on how fast you get comfortable with the person and deside you can trust them and know its real.


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## NeedleInTheHay (May 20, 2007)

NoMarriageHole said:


> depends on how long it takes to throw back a few carbombs.


we have a winner


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

When it feels right? I dont know, every guy I've been with where its gotten to the point maybe, I was way too self concious and uncomfortable, even after dating for 5 months. But thats a pretty major sacrifice for most guys, since they are really to go after the first week. Thats a frightening concept altogether. I guess if youre not a virgin anymore, its more sponteneous. I have no idea, just babbling incoherently. 
One thing I do despise when men say " well, I've been patient long enough, I cant do this"... ok,... moving on, thats even when you tell them about anxiety and all. I wonder if I can find a guy who just wants to go out and enjoy good restaurants, symphonies or a stroll in the park, maybe some cuddling, but thats it, leave sex out of it. 
I'll just order mail in robot... sigh.


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## AnxiousAirman (Oct 15, 2004)

*When in doubt, wait it out....*



littlesongbird said:


> How long should you wait until having sex with someone you are dating?


Is this a trick question?
WAY too many variables for anything but an entirely personal answer.
Your religion, his...
Your Upbringing, his...
Your moral standpoint on sex, his...
Your comfort level with him, his with you...
I was friends/roommates for 8 months before I realized we were more. After that, we didn't take a whole lot of time...
That being said... retrospect being 20/20; I think we both rushed in pretty fast.
Take your time, don't rush into something if your not comfortable. Too many regrets come from those who have...


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## Daniel78 (Dec 7, 2008)

Before you get their name and once more after that...for good measure.


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Equisgurl said:


> One thing I do despise when men say " well, I've been patient long enough, I cant do this"... ok,... moving on, thats even when you tell them about anxiety and all. I wonder if I can find a guy who just wants to go out and enjoy good restaurants, symphonies or a stroll in the park, maybe some cuddling, but thats it, leave sex out of it.
> I'll just order mail in robot... sigh.


Personally I could live without intercourse or wait a long time if the girl wasn't comfortable, but I think basically every guys needs some kind of sexual contact with the girl he's with. I dunno, to me it's not just sex, it's part of the whole emotional and physical connection. I would be willing to wait a long time for the girl to be comfortable, but ultimately I'd want to be able to share that part of yourself that you don't share with anyone else with her. If she couldn't do it at some point, I don't know if I could date her. I don't know if that is mean or anything, but to me it would be like dating without ever talking or ever going out or anything. Something would be missing.

Are you asexual? You might want to check out this forum. It might be a good support for you: http://www.asexuality.org/en/


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

I once waited 4 hours


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

no, I'm not, but the meds dont help either...


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Noca said:


> I once waited 4 hours


hah! Thatta boy!


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## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

Equisgurl said:


> no, I'm not, but the meds dont help either...


Oh I getcha...SSRI's? I felt similar when I was on lexapro.


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## thenextgeneration (Dec 7, 2008)

Well if I was really feeling the person..the first date. What's the big question about that..


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## mousam (Dec 5, 2008)

It's different for everyone, but I personally would wait awhile. I prefer getting to really know someone over a period of time before ever having sex. I think it can create a more meaningful relationship than just doing it right off...

Plus, when I am with someone I have interest in, I get really nervous so it's not like I could probably even be capable of actually doing it.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Sex is like giving your all. There doesn't seem to be much more after that. Give it away too soon and it's weird, I guess.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

millenniumman75 said:


> Sex is like giving your all. There doesn't seem to be much more after that. Give it away too soon and it's weird, I guess.


What do you mean? Once you have sex with someone that's it? You have nothing new to experience with that person? I don't really understand.

Personally, I feel sex can bring you much closer to someone, if you really care about them. It brings more chances to feel connected to them and enjoy your relationship, not less.


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## fauxhawk (Oct 26, 2008)

I think I get MM75's drift for once. If you're just in your first few weeks of dating it is weird to shift from extreme intimacy back to the primary stages of getting to know someone.


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## JaiUnSoucis (Oct 22, 2008)

i think a week to 3 weeks would be good, depending on how long you knew her b4 dating-

just my opinion though


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## Red Sun (Jul 6, 2008)

Cerberus said:


> What's so great about marriage? Do people get some sort of fidelity skill boost when they go through with it? It reminds me of RPGs were you can just open up an in-game book and you automatically get a skill boost. A lot of people seem to have a fantasy that, if one gets married one's SO will be less likely to cheat. So, what's so great about a sheet of paper or some ceremony, besides the legal benefits? It all seems pretty superficial to me.


Don't think you understand the concepts of marriage or symbolism mate! It's what the paper represents, of course the paper itself is superficial. They really oughtta teach this in school haha, I think a lot of people feel the same way you do.


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Red Sun said:


> Don't think you understand the concepts of marriage or symbolism mate! It's what the paper represents, of course the paper itself is superficial. They really oughtta teach this in school haha, I think a lot of people feel the same way you do.


No one should need a paper or ceremony to express what should already be evident to them. So, again, what's so great about a sheet of paper or ceremony, besides the legal benefits? It all seems pretty superficial to me.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

sex is awesome. anywhere within 1 day to 3 weeks is long enough to wait. any longer than that its time to bail on the relationship


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## Aeterna (Nov 24, 2008)

I want to wait until marriage. With the last person I was dating, I waited until I was 100% certain it would last... and it didn't. Now I kind of regret sleeping with them.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I'm waiting till marriage or at least engagement. I think society would be better off if everyone waited until they were commited to the other person.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

LoneLioness said:


> I'm waiting till marriage or at least engagement. I think society would be better off if everyone waited until they were commited to the other person.


the problem with that is that you might end up with someone youre not sexually compatible with


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## Paul'sBunyon (Dec 7, 2008)

I like to actually know someone before I have sex with them. I think sex for sex sakes before a commitment is gross and shallow. So for me if sex becomes an important part of a relationship before the actual relationship (communication, fun, time spent together=enjoyable) develops, I know that is a red flag.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

nubly said:


> the problem with that is that you might end up with someone youre not sexually compatible with


I agree with that completely.

But however long you wait or dont is completely up to the individuals involved, whatever works for them. Hell, I slept with my ex husband the first night but since we ended up marrying and having a kid I guess he still respected me in the morning  :lol

So the question being How long should you wait? As long or as little as you want to. I think one's age should have more to do with it. The younger one is, the more one should wait it out. Dinosaurs like me tend to know what they want more so then younger people. :b


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

nubly said:


> the problem with that is that you might end up with someone youre not sexually compatible with


Thats what talking about sex is for, I already know I'm submissive and what things I'm into. Its also not all that important to me that I marry someone sexually compatible.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Notice how many hits this thread got before it was removed? ^^ lol


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## Iced Soul (Jan 28, 2009)

Before you even really meet, I think. Why wait for the name and all that? You don't need it.


Just kidding. I don't think there is a time for it. It just happens when it feels right, I think.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

LoneLioness said:


> Thats what talking about sex is for, I already know I'm submissive and what things I'm into. Its also not all that important to me that I marry someone sexually compatible.


talking about something doesnt always end up as good as it did in your mind. ive only been with seven women. my first and current girlfriend and this other girl i briefly dated are the only ones that i enjoyed sex with. the other four sucked because they didnt really know what to do


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Talking about it and the act itself are miles apart...I agree with Nubly here 100%.


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## Fireflylight (Sep 2, 2004)

wait until you are ready. Whether that's 3 years into the relationship or three hours.


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## Fairyxo (Jan 28, 2009)

Me and my fiancé waited 1 year, 2 months before we had sex, and we both lost our virginities to eachother on Valentines Day 2007.

We're both glad we waited, it made it so much more special and worthwhile, and we both knew we were ready for it.

Only you can know if you're ready, whether or not that means you wait for years on end or until marriage.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

nubly said:


> talking about something doesnt always end up as good as it did in your mind. ive only been with seven women. my first and current girlfriend and this other girl i briefly dated are the only ones that i enjoyed sex with. the other four sucked because they didnt really know what to do


Can learn together then when married. But besides that even if they are horrible and I found that out before marriage what am I gonna do....I'm not gonna break up with someone who is perfect for me in every other way just because of bad sex.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

not too long


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## Dothan (Feb 8, 2009)

why do girls think they have to wait for it? if you feel for it, do it! if not get rid of the guy anyway. 

girls that think they have to make me wait for it, after we have reached certain degree of comfortableness, can get lost - easy as that.


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## Fireflylight (Sep 2, 2004)

LoneLioness said:


> Can learn together then when married. But besides that even if they are horrible and I found that out before marriage what am I gonna do....I'm not gonna break up with someone who is perfect for me in every other way just because of bad sex.


I agree. I think that if you're right for each other, you can learn to plese each other. Tho, I'm not really one to talk. I haven't had that many great relationships. Yet. But, yeah, I'd think that's how it works anyway lol.


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## Red Sun (Jul 6, 2008)

Cerberus said:


> No one should need a paper or ceremony to express what should already be evident to them. So, again, what's so great about a sheet of paper or ceremony, besides the legal benefits? It all seems pretty superficial to me.


I think it's like asking, why hand out the noble peace prize? It's already evident that those people helped better humanity. Society is built on symbolism as tangible reminders for things that may otherwise go unrecognized. It's a way of making it 'official'.


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## Red Sun (Jul 6, 2008)

LoneLioness said:


> Can learn together then when married. But besides that even if they are horrible and I found that out before marriage what am I gonna do....I'm not gonna break up with someone who is perfect for me in every other way just because of bad sex.


Haha very well said!


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## serolf (Jan 10, 2008)

.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Bad sex isnt good for a marriage; it would be quite frustrating if you ask me. 

Its a personal choice; and no amount of advice can change that, but for me, esp at this stage in my life, I find waiting to be somewhat overrated. Maybe when you are younger but at 40, if I were single, waiting wouldnt be at the top of my agenda. I am not some loose **** type of person but I am not a young teen either. Sex is a big deal; its not everything but its important. And also in my age group one has a much better idea of who they are and what they want. Just saying... :stu


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

She'll have my ring on her finger, and her ring on mine.


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## TipTup (Jan 28, 2009)

Time is not what I'd consider the deciding factor for something like this; As long as you know the other person well enough then I would consider it fine, whether that be in weeks or even years. Though personally, sex is not at all important to me in a relationship.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

LoneLioness said:


> I'm not gonna break up with someone who is perfect for me in every other way just because of bad sex.


sex and money are major arguments for couples. being with someone that isnt sexually compatible with you just isnt a good idea. it may sound petty but sex and money are two major things that people deal with in life


Dothan said:


> why do girls think they have to wait for it? if you feel for it, do it! if not get rid of the guy anyway. .


yea most guys wont stick around that long


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