# What the heck?



## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

So, I was thinking about something last night. Maybe it's crazy but please bear with me.

I'm betting that most folks here on SAS have fairly lousy social skills. Or if not lousy, at least rusty. I know I've seen plenty of people complaining that even if their anxiety went away, they would still be fairly worthless people socially. And I've even seen people saying that their anxiety was, in fact, gone or almost gone, but that they still sucked at everyday social interactions.

Even sadder still is the fact that we have tons of young, decent-looking guys and girls here who love to lament that they don't have a special girl or guy to go out with.

Why the hell aren't we doing anything about this? Yes, sometimes, small groups of SASers meet up for a day. But I'm going to guess that most posters here have never been to a SAS meet. Meets are hard to organize anyway - good luck getting numerous people who all work and go to school and do other things together at the same place at the same time.

I hereby propose that we all start randomly PMing each other and getting together and doing things in real life. It totally makes sense. Most of us don't have very many friends anyway. I know I would kick it with just about anyone here, even if we didn't really have anything in common, just to do it. And I'd happily 'date' any girl here, even if I didn't like her, again, just to do it. Lonely people can't be picky and there's always something to be said for just practicing one's social skills.

So what says everyone? Bad idea?


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

I would do it if I actually lived anywhere near another person that visited this board.


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## Zebrahead (Dec 12, 2006)

Yeah, same here. Unless you're all willing to get on a plane and fly over here... I have yet to see one person from my country on this. And since the Scottish website refuses to work for me....yeah...


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

Hah, I'm already gonna do this with someone from SAS this weekend.  EDIT: I wasn't very clear. I meant I'll be meeting someone from SAS this weekend. 

But yeah, it is a good idea. And it does kinda suck for people who do not live near anyone else on SAS.


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

person86 said:


> So, I was thinking about something last night. Maybe it's crazy but please bear with me.
> 
> I'm betting that most folks here on SAS have fairly lousy social skills. Or if not lousy, at least rusty. I know I've seen plenty of people complaining that even if their anxiety went away, they would still be fairly worthless people socially. And I've even seen people saying that their anxiety was, in fact, gone or almost gone, but that they still sucked at everyday social interactions.
> 
> ...


What's your Tues/Thurs schedule like? 

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

I've actually met up with quite a few sas folks. I'm lucky I live in the Bay Area and there's lots of us around. It can be hard with so many work and school schedules but it's always worth all the planning


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Some of us might get along, but really, we all don't want to hang around each other. At least if people are judging me by my posts, I don't think they want to hang out with me. I don't drive, either, so someone might end up having to pick me up.


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

That's a great idea, but there are two major flaws. There's this:



> Meets are hard to organize anyway - good luck getting numerous people who all work and go to school and do other things together at the same place at the same time.


coupled with the fact that we have social anxiety.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

person86 said:


> I hereby propose that we all start randomly PMing each other


No one bother me! :lol


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I don't see how that would work given that 99% of anyone here I could PM is far far away from me and therefore we could never meet.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

If it were as easy as just meeting people then that would be great (and I guess it is for some), but I don't really have enough social skills (nor ability to suppress anxiety, maybe) to effectively deal with even SASers in person. I don't know how to just make friends with random people, have no idea how to "kick it" or what that even means, would tend to bore most people to death, and am too old to change who I am.

Then, of course, there's the prospect of such failure which prevents trying too often. Why PM people if I'm just going to find out that I'm unable to sustain a conversation with 95% of them? It feels like too much effort and suffering. Avoidance remains the tried and true route to a tolerable life.


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## MissBrownEyes (Nov 6, 2006)

I've only came acorss a few ppl that live in Maine, and i'm afraid to fly, but I think you havea good idea going on. 

If you want to chat w/ me on PM that'd be cool, and my aol name is LemonLime06 we should deff become friends  :yes :hug


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

person86 said:


> I hereby propose that we all start randomly PMing each other and getting together and doing things in real life.


I don't mind the first part; sounds quite fun. But I'm not up to meeting face-to-face, even if distance weren't a problem.


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## person86 (Aug 10, 2006)

*Re: re: What the heck?*



Njodis said:


> I would do it if I actually lived anywhere near another person that visited this board.


I bet you do and you just don't know it. A lot of people don't post their locations, and many others just lurk mainly. That's why we need to establish a culture that supports folks randomly soliciting each other for whatever.



Hypatia said:


> What's your Tues/Thurs schedule like?


Tuesday: usually free from 11:00 to noon and then from 2:00 on. Thursday: usually free from 11:00 to 2:00. Where do you like to eat around campus? I'm rather partial to the Indian places on Ludlow myself. opcorn

(that's Indian popcorn BTW)



BeNice said:


> Some of us might get along, but really, we all don't want to hang around each other. At least if people are judging me by my posts, I don't think they want to hang out with me. I don't drive, either, so someone might end up having to pick me up.


Screw all that. You seem like a good person.



Zephyr said:


> coupled with the fact that we have social anxiety.


But that's the great thing about hanging out with other SA people. We understand weirdness and awkward silences and all that. So it shouldn't be half as stressful as most social events. And plus, if things go badly... they're just people from some message board, it doesn't really matter.



Paul said:


> If it were as easy as just meeting people then that would be great (and I guess it is for some), but I don't really have enough social skills (nor ability to suppress anxiety, maybe) to effectively deal with even SASers in person. I don't know how to just make friends with random people, have no idea how to "kick it" or what that even means, would tend to bore most people to death, and am too old to change who I am.
> 
> Then, of course, there's the prospect of such failure which prevents trying too often. Why PM people if I'm just going to find out that I'm unable to sustain a conversation with 95% of them? It feels like too much effort and suffering. Avoidance remains the tried and true route to a tolerable life.


Hmm, good points, some of them. But...

Avoidance is comfortable, but what about trying to connect with a fellow human being at least occasionally? I know, it can be hard as hell and can just leave you feeling like sh*t in the end, but isn't it better to at least try something new instead of simply giving up in advance? At the very worst, you'll come out with an interesting story about how you failed.



odd_one_out said:


> I don't mind the first part; sounds quite fun. But I'm not up to meeting face-to-face, even if distance weren't a problem.


Bah! You're not allowed to only choose the first part.



MissBrownEyes said:


> I've only came acorss a few ppl that live in Maine, and i'm afraid to fly, but I think you havea good idea going on.
> 
> If you want to chat w/ me on PM that'd be cool, and my aol name is LemonLime06 we should deff become friends  :yes :hug


See! That's the spirit! Random friendliness is where it's at. I'm not on AIM a ton but I'm adding you.


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## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

> I don't know how to just make friends with random people, have no idea how to "kick it" or what that even means, would tend to bore most people to death, and am too old to change who I am.


ditto...Ive been here for years & Im still a stranger..and my Asperger's kinda makes it harder cuz I actually enjoy being alone...


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## Becky (Nov 5, 2003)

You could join our dating site and see what you find over there 

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/con ... /index.php


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

Sad to say I've had worse luck meeting anyone here then from most other sites. :sigh Everyone here stops responding to me after a while so it can't even get to the meeting stage, I haven't even talked on the phone to anyone here. :cry


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

> I haven't even talked on the phone to anyone here.


I doubt many people have. I hear phoning is pretty expensive these days. Plus, you know, of course, the whole social anxiety thing, which pretty much goes without saying...even though I just said it.


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## joe81 (Dec 16, 2006)

seems people here prefer to at arms length with each other.....I haven't been a member that long....but its how it seems.....


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## Jamie is friendless (Jan 22, 2007)

If I were anyone else here, I wouldn't really want to meet myself.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

*Re: re: What the heck?*



Jamie is friendless said:


> If I were anyone else here, I wouldn't really want to meet myself.


That's what I said about myself at one time.....our SA keeps us so pre-occupied, we can't tell if any girl is interested. :stu


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

I think that's what a lot of people here think. We're also too socially anxious to even PM that much. I always assume it'd freak the person out too much so I hesitate. If they don't reply to a message, I assume I've offended or scared them.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Haha, yeah, I feel that way too. I don't think anyone here would want to meet me, either. :lol


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## quagaar145 (Feb 8, 2007)

I don't post here much, mostly lurk, but I would be happy to be in contact with y'all.

A lot of people seem to be afraid of reaching out because they think it would be bothering the other person or something? Well, I am really lonely these days and would love getting email or IMs from people! So I will just say, if you want to reach out to someone, email me at [email protected] and we can talk. I wanna get to know you guys, because we are a lot alike.

And don't not email just because you are far away and you think it will do no good to have a friend across the country... I moved to England to get married to a guy I met online, so it does happen (although it didn't work out and we divorced, so maybe that's not the best example).


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## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

Njodis said:


> I would do it if I actually lived anywhere near another person that visited this board.


 :ditto No one lives where I live :rain


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