# Physical Touch



## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

I'm craving physical touch from someone. I want to just feel conected to someone that way. I spend too much time on the impersonal internet and I just want to feel a real connection with another human being. I'm too shy though to ask most girls out, and even when I do I get scared and don't intiate anything physical. I'm a dope in that area. I wish I could just feel totally relaxed with a girl and hold her and kiss her and all that stuff. But instead I pull away and am alone. Anyone else crave that touch?


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## peregrine (May 31, 2005)

---


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## allalone9863 (May 25, 2006)

i relate completely. i push people away but want to be touched so badly. does it make sense? of course not.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Makes perfect sense to me. I have never been held before, not since I was a baby at least. Sometimes I really crave physical contact.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Great, this thread reminded me that I haven't really hugged anyone in years. I mean, there's my sister's occasional hug, but that doesn't count.

I guess I'll go hug my pillow.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

oh, and have you heard of "cuddle parties"? heh


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## matt404 (Feb 8, 2006)

I get this feeling a lot, too. On the rare occasions when I get a hug or a touch from a female friend (AKA "my friends' girlfriends") I'm practically elated since it's the only physical contact I ever get from girls (and I can't show it because that would be creepy).



Inturmal said:


> I guess I'll go hug my pillow.


It's kind of funny that you mentioned that. Ok, this is an embarrassing story so don't make fun of me. Once when I was really depressed about not having a girlfriend I started sleeping with my arm around a pillow at night, just so I'd have _something_ there. I did it so much that I got used to it and now it's sometimes hard for me to fall asleep unless I have my left arm around a pillow!


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

There's nothing wrong with hugging pillows. 

oh, and I just remembered the first time a girl gave me a hug. It was during lunch in high school, and I was totally surprised by the experience. I was pretty clueless before then. still am. heh.

well, I'm off to go find two big pillows that I can hug! :banana

edit: man, that's pretty sad, isn't it. :agree


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## salty (Mar 21, 2006)

matt404 said:


> Ok, this is an embarrassing story so don't make fun of me. Once when I was really depressed about not having a girlfriend I started sleeping with my arm around a pillow at night, just so I'd have _something_ there. I did it so much that I got used to it and now it's sometimes hard for me to fall asleep unless I have my left arm around a pillow!


i used to do that too, then i stopped for a bit, and now i'm doing it again. i don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about.


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

matt404 said:


> I started sleeping with my arm around a pillow at night, just so I'd have _something_ there. I did it so much that I got used to it and now it's sometimes hard for me to fall asleep unless I have my left arm around a pillow!


Wow. I've done this since I was fifteen. It's surprisingly nice to close my eyes and pretend with my pillow. But alas, the face on my pillow is a fantastic unreality. ; - ; It's not so nice now that I know the face is just a dream, and that's all it will ever be. I need to find a new face or something.


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## allalone9863 (May 25, 2006)

it never even occured to me that hugging pillows was weird! i can't fall asleep unless i'm surrounded by them and snuggled up in a blanket (even if it is 100 degrees outside). 

this is making me want someone to cuddle with so bad! the last time i was held i was too drunk to remember  i can never handle physical touch unless i'm drunk, though. tonight my mom asked if i needed a hug and i screamed "NO!!" and sort of freaked out. it's like i want it but i don't want her to know i do. that makes no sense.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I've never been touched by a girl


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

> It's kind of funny that you mentioned that. Ok, this is an embarrassing story so don't make fun of me. Once when I was really depressed about not having a girlfriend I started sleeping with my arm around a pillow at night, just so I'd have something there. I did it so much that I got used to it and now it's sometimes hard for me to fall asleep unless I have my left arm around a pillow!


Dont feel bad man, I made out with my hand :lol


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

ColdFury said:


> I've never been touched by a girl


Me either. I think you can catch things from them though :b


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

I've never even been hugged. Physical contact and affection is something I strongly desire. I don't care about sex, I just want someone to hold


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

pfffft Ive made out with my hand too


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

If you can do it with your hand, I've done it with my pillow. Imagination is pretty neat. =l


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

I could use a hug now


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

Nyx said:


> I could use a hug now


((((Kat)))) :kiss


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

ColdFury said:


> I've never been touched by a girl


Perhaps one day you'll get lucky and a girl will kick you in the balls. You won't forget that touch! :lol

Now I'll be serious. There is this nasty stereotype about men that says all we want is sex, like some horny dog that will hump any leg in sight. I can't speak for other guys, but I'd like more.

I miss the old days when I once in a while actually got to be close to a woman. I loved to kiss and cuddle and just feel her soft, warm skin against mine. I loved to run my fingers through her hair and simply be close to her.

I'd actually rate that as higher than sex. I have a hand and a porn mag subscription, so I can give myself an orgasm. Intimacy, touching, and affection, well, I can't pull off that stunt with my lone hand.


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

UltraShy said:


> Now I'll be serious. There is this nasty stereotype about men that says all we want is sex, like some horny dog that will hump any leg in sight. I can't speak for other guys, but I'd like more.
> 
> I miss the old days when I once in a while actually got to be close to a woman. I loved to kiss and cuddle and just feel her soft, warm skin against mine. I loved to run my fingers through her hair and simply be close to her.


I feel the same way, I think I would be happy just holding a girl and touching her and laying together. Of course I've not done that or had sex so I have no real comparison, its just what I think I would want since I'm starving for physical closeness with someone.

I still don't get it, us guys on here mostly seem like if they had a girlfriend we'd treat them so well. We want to hold and cuddle them, we wouldn't act like a-holes to them, we'd never even think of cheating on them. I think most guys here with SA would be perfect boyfriends, yet for so many here no girls want us. Its sad I think. :rain


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## IntrovertGirl (Apr 17, 2006)

.


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## Jimi_Hendrix17 (Apr 14, 2006)

You're right, Writer81. I feel exactly the same.
Physical touch is what I really need from a girl, but never got it yet 
This loneliness is the reason I feel so down and insecure most of the time. Sometimes I feel like my life would be perfect if I just had a girlfriend to hug, kiss and be close to.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

I always crave touch. I love hugs, and when I haven't touched anyone in a while, I'll actually start to get depressed. My little brother's the same way. Every once in a while when we're sitting together watching TV, he'll put his hand out for me to hold, just for a few seconds. It's like it re-energizes him.



matt404 said:


> Once when I was really depressed about not having a girlfriend I started sleeping with my arm around a pillow at night, just so I'd have _something_ there.


I actually sleep in such a way that there SHOULD be a person there... I need to wrap my leg around something -- right now, I fold my blankets underneath me, so I can use those. But really, I think I do that because I'm supposed to have a body to wrap my leg around. Maybe one day. 

xoxo
Maggi


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

Yes, i actually need more physical stuff, just hugs or gentle touch of a hand brushing my hair or back, it feels so good. I remember awhile back some lady was walking behind me and gently put her hand on my back and it tickled and felt so good and the feeling lingered on and i felt so good that day. I never get hugs  So it's always a welcomed treat...


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## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

I thought having an SA guy would be great so I got a little too trusting with one and got really bad hurt. Seriously, I've spent most of the day lying on the floor sleeping, I'm either severly depressed, sick with something or knocked up. I wanted someone like you guys..I just got another a-hole.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

ShesKrayZ said:


> I thought having an SA guy would be great so I got a little too trusting with one and got really bad hurt. Seriously, I've spent most of the day lying on the floor sleeping, I'm either severly depressed, sick with something or knocked up. I wanted someone like you guys..I just got another a-hole.


I feel your pain, honey. But there ARE nice guys out there. Guys that don't make up a whole bunch of crap just to justify treating you like garbage.

You don't want to be with someone like that. You deserve better. And you'll get it, I promise you.

In the meantime, get together with a friend and hang out and watch a movie or something. Cuddling with my friends helps a lot when I'm craving some sort of physical touch.

xoxo
Maggi


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## moejo (Aug 29, 2005)

nm


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## moejo (Aug 29, 2005)

moejo said:


> Writer81 said:
> 
> 
> > UltraShy said:
> ...


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## starblob (Oct 23, 2005)

I never craved it until i had my first boyfriend - he got me used to it and now i miss it. It was actually scary at first to be touched by someone. It certainly wasn't hard to get used to though.


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## orwen2000 (Feb 24, 2004)

Story of my life. I've had problems with touching people and being touched all my life. Especially the opposite sex. I still haven't touched a woman in any romantic way. Or even in just a friendly way. Handshakes are the furthest I dare to go. I've gotten used to them, at least.
Also, I've been seeing this girl, we've been talking for hours each day, going out to movies & shows for the last 8 months, it's all very new and wonderful for me, I still can't quite believe it's happening, but... I still can't bring myself to touch her. I try not to make it a big issue and to think in circles around it, but it bothers me and I keep thinking about reasons why that may be.


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## C3P0 (Apr 10, 2006)

Inturmal said:


> oh, and have you heard of "cuddle parties"? heh


Never been to one. http://www.cuddleparty.com

Pajama party where people pay a fee and cuddle each other. But you are not immune from rejection through, and it still may not be helpful for SA sufferers since, in a sence you have to socialise with people in such a venue who may, or may not be sympathetic to people with SA. Although, given the nature of event, you'd imagine most people would be sympathetic and let you cop a feel or two.


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## tewstroke (Feb 18, 2006)

Sometimes I cringe when my mother touches me, other times I like it when she gives me hugs. :stu


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## weatherman (Apr 19, 2006)

I hate anyone touching me ever. I especially hate people who put their hand on my shoulder when they try to talk to me. I just don't understand it at all. I have never been comfortable with physical contact. Partly due to the fact that I'm a germaphobe. I have to be really comfortable with someone to be OK with them making any sort of contact with me. I hate handshakes and I have to wash my hands right after. I have never understood handshakes either. What's wrong with a simple "Hello, nice to meet you"? But at the same time I crave physical contact. With a girl anyways.


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

i feel conflicted about touch. it's something i crave and feel is missing. but at the same time my natural instinct is to recoil from it, to feel shy about it, to feel uncomfortable. i guess what i really want is to find a way to feel comfortable with touch; it's something i have never yet been able to do.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

orwen2000 said:


> Also, I've been seeing this girl, we've been talking for hours each day, going out to movies & shows for the last 8 months, it's all very new and wonderful for me, I still can't quite believe it's happening, but... I still can't bring myself to touch her. I try not to make it a big issue and to think in circles around it, but it bothers me and I keep thinking about reasons why that may be.


You mean you've been dating this girl for 8 months and not even hugged her once? If that's true then you better make a move very soon or she will end up dumping you.

Lifetimer


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

I don't like touching of any kind.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

Wow.. 8 months, thats a long time.. maybe she just assumes you guys are friends? is she really shy too?


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## Melusine (Jun 19, 2004)

I don't usually like strangers touching me, but if someone who is considered polite, kind, and most importantly, clean, then it is very soothing. I always have thoughts are just being held by someone. I have huge cravings to squeeze someone so tight they'd be lucky if i didn't break something, JK.


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

orwen2000 said:


> Story of my life. I've had problems with touching people and being touched all my life. Especially the opposite sex. I still haven't touched a woman in any romantic way. Or even in just a friendly way. Handshakes are the furthest I dare to go. I've gotten used to them, at least.
> Also, I've been seeing this girl, we've been talking for hours each day, going out to movies & shows for the last 8 months, it's all very new and wonderful for me, I still can't quite believe it's happening, but... I still can't bring myself to touch her. I try not to make it a big issue and to think in circles around it, but it bothers me and I keep thinking about reasons why that may be.


Well, unfortunatly you are not really dating her, because I'm almost certain she only sees you as a friend if you've never touched her in 8 months. I went out with a girl 4 times and she assumed I was a friend since I also never touched her apart from a hug. I think its too late with this girl, since if you make a move now she might get freaked out. Yet you never know, but I'd try to bring it up in a conversation first and see how she reacts to both of you moving beyond just friends.


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

umbrellagirl1980 said:


> i feel conflicted about touch. it's something i crave and feel is missing. but at the same time my natural instinct is to recoil from it, to feel shy about it, to feel uncomfortable. i guess what i really want is to find a way to feel comfortable with touch; it's something i have never yet been able to do.


 :ditto Same here. I don't know how I got this way.


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

human touch is necessary for mental health period. if i didn't have a friend to cuddle with i would be severely as opposed to moderately depressed.

once an experiment was done in which an otherwise healthy adult woman lived in a solitary bubble for a few months with no human contact.

i don't remember the exact details but she came out of the experiment and died a year later.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> don't remember the exact details but she came out of the experiment and died a year later.


Eeep! I'm overdue then!


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

C3P0 said:


> Inturmal said:
> 
> 
> > oh, and have you heard of "cuddle parties"? heh
> ...


That sounds kinda scary. Then again, if I had to, I'd only want to be touched with mechanical poking sticks.


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## vincentgallo4president (May 13, 2006)

orwen2000 said:


> Story of my life. I've had problems with touching people and being touched all my life. Especially the opposite sex. I still haven't touched a woman in any romantic way. Or even in just a friendly way. Handshakes are the furthest I dare to go. I've gotten used to them, at least.
> Also, I've been seeing this girl, we've been talking for hours each day, going out to movies & shows for the last 8 months, it's all very new and wonderful for me, I still can't quite believe it's happening, but... I still can't bring myself to touch her. I try not to make it a big issue and to think in circles around it, but it bothers me and I keep thinking about reasons why that may be.


Just make your move already! Don't be like how you've always been, be bold my friend! Be bold!


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

bent said:


> once an experiment was done in which an otherwise healthy adult woman lived in a solitary bubble for a few months with no human contact.
> 
> i don't remember the exact details but she came out of the experiment and died a year later.


I think you're going to have to come up with a lot more information than that in order to draw any kind of conclusion.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

Zephyr said:


> bent said:
> 
> 
> > once an experiment was done in which an otherwise healthy adult woman lived in a solitary bubble for a few months with no human contact.
> ...


yeah. the "exact details" was that she was 118 years old, and smoked 3 packs a day. :lol

That reminds me of a Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episode where a guy didn't talk for a year (on a bet), and then was unable to ever talk again. Absurd.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

itsmemaggi said:


> ShesKrayZ said:
> 
> 
> > I thought having an SA guy would be great so I got a little too trusting with one and got really bad hurt. Seriously, I've spent most of the day lying on the floor sleeping, I'm either severly depressed, sick with something or knocked up. I wanted someone like you guys..I just got another a-hole.
> ...


 My faith in the notion that these men exist seems to diminish with each passing day even though I'm aware they are out there.

What can a person do in the meantime if they are alone and crave the companionship of another person? Other than wallow in their own self pity... I don't see many options.


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## orwen2000 (Feb 24, 2004)

Wow, 4 respones to my post in the previous page. :blush
I left out a lot of stuff which may or may not have helped you guys understand the situation better. I actually wrote a long and detailed post about it all some time ago, but decided not to send it.
The situation is, in a nutshell, she knows all about my SA, and she has been very supportive and encouraging.
Several months ago I asked her if I could do something simple, just shake her hand. This simple thing put me under so much pressure, I tried to prime myself for this touch a whole week in advance. Finally I did that at the end of a date, and she smiled. I was so sensitive at that point that I thought she was snickering, this really hurt me, I got depressed for several days, my SA increased, I couldn't concentrate on anything, etc. I decided to stop seeing her for a while. This was hurtful for both of us. 
I got back to her after a week, she apologized, I apologized, we continued going out, but since then she has been very careful about not touching me, she says she's afraid I'll freak out again. 


Lifetimer said:


> You mean you've been dating this girl for 8 months and not even hugged her once? If that's true then you better make a move very soon or she will end up dumping you.


Yes, that's just the case. But we haven't been officially "dating" (but that's what we've been doing, except for the physical part). We both agreed to remain as "just friends" after that incident. 
I've been afraid from the very beginning that she'll dump me. I still have that fear. She hasn't done this, though, so far. Truth is, I don't actually mind being just her friend, we share a lot of interests and I like her a lot, but it's getting slightly ridiculous as everyone I know assumes we're really dating.


Equisgurl said:


> Wow.. 8 months, thats a long time.. maybe she just assumes you guys are friends? is she really shy too?


Yeah, tell me about it... And she isn't what I'd call shy at all. She used to be more shy but she's way past that now.


Writer81 said:


> I think its too late with this girl, since if you make a move now she might get freaked out. Yet you never know, but I'd try to bring it up in a conversation first and see how she reacts to both of you moving beyond just friends.


We haven't really talked about it, but I've hinted that I'd like that, and she hinted back that she's ready and will help me out. But because of that incident I mentioned there hasn't been any progress. Despite many many opportunities we've both created, I still can't bring myself to do that simple thing of just holding her hand, not to mention hugging. This frustrates me and I'm sure she feels frustrated too.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I feel like all girly saying this, but I like cuddling and hugs. Sometimes better then sex, well not really but that physical contact is natural to crave from the opposite sex, yet not necessarily sexual? Does that make sense? Maybe not. 

Girls who like to cuddle, I say :two big thumbs up:


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## VelvetElvis (Apr 29, 2006)

Prodigal_Son said:


> I feel like all girly saying this, but I like cuddling and hugs. Sometimes better then sex, well not really but that physical contact is natural to crave from the opposite sex, yet not necessarily sexual? Does that make sense? Maybe not.
> 
> Girls who like to cuddle, I say :two big thumbs up:


Yeah, well, I wouldn't know.


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## Writer81 (Dec 19, 2005)

orwen2000 said:


> Wow, 4 respones to my post in the previous page. :blush
> I left out a lot of stuff which may or may not have helped you guys understand the situation better. I actually wrote a long and detailed post about it all some time ago, but decided not to send it.
> The situation is, in a nutshell, she knows all about my SA, and she has been very supportive and encouraging.
> Several months ago I asked her if I could do something simple, just shake her hand. This simple thing put me under so much pressure, I tried to prime myself for this touch a whole week in advance. Finally I did that at the end of a date, and she smiled. I was so sensitive at that point that I thought she was snickering, this really hurt me, I got depressed for several days, my SA increased, I couldn't concentrate on anything, etc. I decided to stop seeing her for a while. This was hurtful for both of us.
> ...


Sounds like you have a phobia about touching maybe. The fact shaking her hand caused so much anxiety shows that this is way beyond just being shy. Yet I think even if it is some sort of phobia, you can overcome it. You are lucky you have this girl that is understanding about things. Most girls would have been freaked out and not wanted to ever see you again. I think you should try to talk to her more about it and try to get her to help you overcome it. Maybe at the end of a date, ask her if you can hug her and then just do it. Its better to just do it and not think about it beforehand. So don't even plan it really, just in the next couple times you see her, at some point ask to hug her and just do it without thinking. Or maybe ask her to hug you and see how it feels. Maybe you just need to start doing it more and you will begin to grow acustomed to the feel of another's touch. This girl knows about your anxieties and I'm bet would be willing to help since she's stuck by you this long, so let her help you if you can.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

> That reminds me of a Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episode where a guy didn't talk for a year (on a bet), and then was unable to ever talk again. Absurd.


Actually, in the episode in question, the guy got surgery to cut his vocal cords to ensure he would win the bet.


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## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

ColdFury said:


> > That reminds me of a Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episode where a guy didn't talk for a year (on a bet), and then was unable to ever talk again. Absurd.
> 
> 
> Actually, in the episode in question, the guy got surgery to cut his vocal cords to ensure he would win the bet.


wow, I looked it up, and you're right. :nw

http://tzone.the-croc.com/tzeplist/silence.html

I guess I just like to remember things differently from how they happened. :b

I actually surprised I even remembered the show, since I probably saw it about 15 years ago.


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## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

My parents very rarely hugged me growing up and we still don't hug much.


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

Hugging was not a thing in my family either. All my life I've been uncomfortable with hugging or touching in any way - until I met my girlfriend. Now I can't wait to hold her in my arms again. :mushy


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## bent (Aug 4, 2005)

Inturmal said:


> Zephyr said:
> 
> 
> > bent said:
> ...


hey, if you don't need touching good for you, i think you're in a minority that may have an advantage in that respect. i wasn't really mentioning that story as the sole and determinative scientific evidence to argue my opinion. although i bet there is evidence that mental health is affected by physical touch. from what i've read and seen with other people and myself i would have thought that that is not really a contentious issue but i guess it is.

and i don't see why the notion that stopping to do something for prolonged periods can result in permanently loosing that activity is categorically absurd. in any case that wasn't the conclusion i was driving at. what i was suggesting was that lack of physical touch and in the case of the woman, human interaction, is bad for the health. not that it means you can't interact or give and receive touch anymore.

anyway, i need physical touch or my health, both mental and physical, suffers.


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## Whimsy (Mar 16, 2006)

I'm not a touchy feely person, don't need it 24/7, I won't suffer or die or whatever. I'd rather go out with my BF than stay in and just cuddle seems pointless after a while. Its not a bad thing I just like going places or doing things not just sitting around and cuddling.


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