# Feeling like a failure around family



## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

I feel like an utter failure and disappointment around my family. This is why I don't look forward to seeing relatives during the holidays. I love them, but I come home feeling really bad about myself after we get together. I've got a cousin who is a few years younger than me and she has already accomplished so much. She is pretty, talented, adored, bubbly, outgoing, finishing up college, and following her dreams. This girl is gonna be a huge success. She's already well on her way. Then there's me - sad, weak, insignificant. My life is a ****ing joke, a joke that isn't funny. I feel like crying. I did not have a merry Christmas. :no

Can anyone here relate?


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

My younger sister surpassed me ages ago. I think I have the most struggles in the family. While I've been working on them, it doesn't change my family standing.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

It's sad how the holidays, xmas and thanksgiving was originally about willingfully reuniting with your loved ones and family. Eventually it became a dreaded obligatory stressed out meeting with your narcissistic family, relative and in-laws that you cannot stand. Eventually this dreaded situation became a mainstream societal theme that we make fun of.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

shorefog said:


> My younger sister surpassed me ages ago. I think I have the most struggles in the family. While I've been working on them, it doesn't change my family standing.


Right, even though i have a job... i still feel like im looked down on


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## i suck at life (Mar 14, 2014)

SAME!!!! i hate when they ask me about my life. im just like ugh kill me now. i am thee biggest failure ever, and i hate having to explain. ugh. just ugh! when they ask me hows school goin? im just like good HOWS WORK GOIN? i am such a loner when i go too. i always distance myself and just go sit on the couch, while theyre all in the kitchen socializing. its not that i hate them or anything cuz they are the nicest ppl, its just tat i ate myself and dont wanna expose them to my dumb, boring awkward self.


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## h87 (Nov 12, 2009)

Exactly the same, I'm the oldest out of my generation of the family. All of my cousins have now finished their education and are working. And all are doing so much better than me. I have a poorly paid job that I hate, they all earn good/great money and enjoy what they do, have partners and are so normal and happy. To top it off my younger sister moved in with her boyfriend two weeks ago. It's just me and my parents now and that's how I think it will be till the end now


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## kageri (Oct 2, 2014)

It used to be a problem. In my early 20s just talking to my mom on the phone used to leave me crying. Then I realized I simply don't care about what they do so why should I care about their opinion? They don't understand me and they make little effort to figure out what I do care about. They can talk to me like I'm an adult making my own choices at my own pace or they hold that conversation with a blank place setting.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Def feel that way :/


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## gumballhead (Jun 8, 2011)

Luckily, I don't have that problem!
I'm an only child. My parents both went to college and now work jobs they both could have gotten without even going. 
I've had 6 cousins I've known in my lifetime- two committed suicide, one is (from what I hear) an out of work ex-telemarketer pothead, one I'm not sure what happened to, another is an *ahem* self employed "artist" and the other is married and works at a burrito chain. My Aunt is an obese loser who's been on unemployment for nearly as long as I've been alive. My Uncle is a 300 lb tub of lard school bus driver. I have other relatives too, but I don't know or care what happened to them. My family is full of depressed underachievers, so the way I see it, I'm doing alright in comparison.


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## OrangeArmy (Dec 30, 2014)

I feel the same. I have cousins, both older and younger than me, that are either working at a successful career or working towards it, my older brother is working hard towards his Psychology degree and is making everyone proud. Boy, do I love family meetings where I get to tell everyone that I'm still in the same job from 2008, still can't drive, no girlfriend and no school, I dread it. 
I love my family, but I feel like the family punchline.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Yup, I have a younger sister that always wanted to do everything I did. Except she looked cooler doing it because she was popular and attractive. Me: I felt like my talents were never acknowledged and it made me give up on my dreams at one point. I was good at the violin still kind of am even though I don't pick it up as much as I used to. I loved it because it gave me something to help people distinguish me from my sister since I was so annoyed at how everyone would compare me to her. Then, she picked up the instrument a few years after I did and I was crushed even though she never surpassed me. I know I may sound selfish and dumb, but I really felt like it was a significant part of me. She already had other talents like sports. I just want to be an individual.


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## Penny46 (Dec 16, 2014)

I can certainly relate to this! I am the "black sheep" of the family, the underachiever, amongst highly successful people. It doesn't feel good, to say the least!

But let's NOT put ourselves down about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't talk badly about yourself!!! Hey, if YOU aren't FOR you, who will be? Please don't be your own enemy like that. Words are powerful and what you say against yourself (or anyone else says against you) STICKS in your mind! And you know that isn't good!

Besides, if all those successful folks had to deal with what we have to deal with, they doubtless would have been an underachiever also! 

Be kind to yourself, in thoughts and words.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*Thanks. I like the subject*

Only family left are brother & Dad. 7 nieces won't have anything to do with me. Possibly at the funeral of brother, Dad or mine.

Trying to resolve the reason for hate from both of them...

Because 'I like computers' - as any simple compound of factors which doesn't suit them..

I don't watch football and also my #1 reason not to be liked in an office or by family

drugs is a general good/bad topic for normal people

also I live in a county not in family town. I needed out. That seems to rank as a family crime. All nieces in same town forever. My dreams shattered.

computers were my serious focus of successful career - not a kiddie staring at pretty pictures moving about with odd sounds, pressing buttons. An important heavy part of life when it wound to a halt by needing deep social involvement

The family aren't willing to listen to why my problems happened; just that I lost my jobs.

I like detail & reason. Nobody else does, so I can't communicate with anyone. Grand Total mix of 'he'll never work in IT again. Told at age 10 by brothers' spouses he will never have a girlfriend.

Well maybe everyone has been right, when I was 10. I wish I could this post to family while you read it. My brother is the only way to communicate with brother by email. He does read and replies. He is kind. That is all I have left in life.

Only way with Dad is to drive 75 miles to visit twice a year.
Taught parents how to use Skype over & over & over. Dad profoundly deaf so it works well for him with headphones. But needs reteaching every day.
Main pain is when I go there to teach. Simple. Every time I leave, with astounding need to confirm and won't go until we have it straight but decades show that in different locations my Dad cannot work out how to use Skype. Every time I got there he says 'get it up for me'. He says "I don't know how to" Shown how... agreed. No contact ever. He needs more help. 6 months drift by... asking brother to sort him out by email instructions.. no no no
This eats my soul out.

Everyone has been right: my parents were the most stupid people I've known, when I was 4.

I have no girlfriend. No job. A world of miscommunication? Too many people is my reason for a miserable planet. My answer is better than Douglas Adams' 42


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## Awkto Awktavious (May 11, 2011)

Yep. Big time loser in the family. My mom always reminds me of how successful all of my sisters and cousins are, my whole life.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Yes. When people that are around my age start to talk about their jobs and what they are doing i just wish i could disappear. Or when people ask me about what i'm doing and i tell them i have no job, and i have no plans at all for my future. 
The hardest part is that they think we're enjoying our life. My ******* father thinks he is the best father in the whole world stuck with the worst son in the world. He thinks i'm a carefree boy enjoying my life and doing whatever i want.


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## Melodic (Apr 16, 2009)

Luckily I'm the youngest of my family's generation by far. So even if they've achieved something like a stable marriage or good job, I get to tell myself that I've still got time left. But I could imagine that would suck.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yep, know what you mean. My family has it all together and I stick out like a sore thumb. Hopefully it gets better for the both of us.


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