# How should I break-it-off with a girl I don't really like?



## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

We have hung out 3 times now, which consisted of a few hours driving around town, drinking and intensely making out. (We haven't had sex.) We hung out the other night and she started asking more serious questions - about past relationships and other stuff. She wanted me to go with her to an event at her university this weekend also and I made up excuses not to come with.

It's obvious to me that she is look for a relationship. To be perfectly honest I am as well, but just not with her. She just isn't my type of girl for various reasons. But , when I am bored on a Tuesday night and she wants to hand out, it's hard for me to say 'no'. 

I feel like I'm already a total jerk for leading her on. I'm not the kind of guy that's just going to completely ignore someone until they go away, but I have no idea how to deal with this.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

You are leading her on right now, you have to tell her somehow that you're not looking for something serious or stop seeing her. Look at it this way if you do it now, she'll just be disappointed (at worst,) if you do it later she'll think you're a massive *******.


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You are leading her on right now, you have to tell her somehow that you're not looking for something serious or stop seeing her. Look at it this way if you do it now, she'll just be disappointed (at worst,) if you do it later she'll think you're a massive *******.


She could already think I'm a massive *******.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Slumknox said:


> She could already think I'm a massive *******.


I doubt it after three dates, but it's not going to get any better if you keep going out with her while being disinterested.


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## versikk (Nov 25, 2013)

Being lead on is like being spit on, so..... just be fking honest and end it quickly


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Three dates and no sex? Just tell her you're not into her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

I don't know if this is good advice, but pretty much everyone just starts ignoring me when they want to drop contact.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Break it off as soon as possible. No reason to keep dragging this out to where her feelings will get more intense with time. Do it now, in a gentle but firm way. Then the ball is in her court to how she handles it.

But right now you are and have been leading her on this whole time. I'm trying not to judge but why were you intensely making out with her if you don't like her like that?


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Interesting contrast between this thread and a certain other one.


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

So last night my intentions were too give her the "not looking for a serious relationship" speech. I picked her up around 9 o'clock. For some reason I couldn't tell her. I mean, I do find her physically attractive and that's the problem. Intensely making out is something I've never really done before; its ****ing addicting.

I want to be respectful and tell her in person, but its too tempting not too. Should I just tell her over text like a douchebag?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Imbored21 said:


> I don't know if this is good advice, but pretty much everyone just starts ignoring me when they want to drop contact.


I've had that done to me also. It's a really ****y thing to do. I'd never do that to another person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Darktower776 said:


> But right now you are and have been leading her on this whole time. I'm trying not to judge but why were you intensely making out with her if you don't like her like that?


Because I don't find her physically unattractive. It's hard to say no to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

Are you waiting to have sex with her before you tell her?


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## White Iris (Sep 26, 2015)

Yes, she could already think you are a massive *******, but the difference is that if you keep leading her on, then you'll be proving her right.


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## White Iris (Sep 26, 2015)

Slumknox said:


> Because I don't find her physically unattractive. It's hard to say no to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's wrong with honesty? "Hey, I don't want this to get serious. I'm only interested in having a casual relationship." Then just keep it physical.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.

A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

Slumknox said:


> I've had that done to me also. It's a really ****y thing to do. I'd never do that to another person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mate.. leading her on is also a ****ty thing to do. I'd probably get that sorted.



Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


...wut. Not sure if serious... I legit can't tell.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

**** dude, I was actually in a similar situation to you. I was so afraid of confrontation that I just kept hanging out with her, for weeks after I didn't want to anymore. Also I was young and ******* and kinda thought if I stuck it out maybe I could have sex first. Eventually I ghosted her, and then after she demanded to see me I said I didn't want to go out with her. (a lot of this story was left out, basically just wanted to say, you have to tell her eventually, you can't just wait for the problem to resolve itself)


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


I've rarely seen worse advice posted on this forum. Please never do this, don't become something you would detest someone else for doing to you.

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OP, next time you see be upfront, be honest. It will likely end anything between you and you'll probably never see eachother again but that's still better than becoming involved with someone you don't wish to be and the hurt she'll experience when you finally break something off months or years down the line.


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Findedeux said:


> Are you waiting to have sex with her before you tell her?


It would be a shame if that was the case, lol. I've had friends suggest that I do this with girls I have no interest in.

Anyway OP, if you hesitate at honesty to the point you find yourself putting off telling her your feelings, remember that sometimes a white lie might help. Like telling her your longterm ex called and youre gonna try work things out because of the history you had. Or you can say youre not ready to move on from your ex yet, and don't want to lead this new girl on.

Now i definitely wouldn't recommend saying this to someone you've gone out with for months. But after 3 dates (which may in itself be too early for all that serious talk), she should be alright. Yeah it sting a bit but unlike the truth, there's less for her to take personally. She'll just think you're a bit of a doughnut for going back to your ex and then she'll more on.

Very admiral stance you have on not using and abusing people BTW.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

And people wonder why girls make a guy wait for sex... lmfao.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

I cant see why thats such a horrible thing to do like the rest of you, dont be that ignorant about her intentions. Go out and have fun, maybe thats all she is looking for as well? Just a nice way to past tuesdays? Dont project your perceptions of things on her.
Now, with that being said, if you believe that "leading her on" (if thats what truly happening) would leave her devastated, make little comments when you meet next time about how you are not looking for a relationship right now, or just be honest.


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## SilkyJay (Jul 6, 2015)

Persephone The Dread said:


> And people wonder why girls make a guy wait for sex... lmfao.


This was so me in college as well. Making sure the girl wasn't just super horny, drunk or that her ***** just wanted to swallow me up, devour my goodies and spit me out. I'd even make em wait for that bj. 

What a strategy as a guy.

and slum, if you're don't want a relationship with her, then you probably need to let that be known in one shape or another. Even if she's hot, but you don't want to be with her... then you know what needs to be done.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

macky said:


> It would be a shame if that was the case, lol. I've had friends suggest that I do this with girls I have no interest in.
> 
> Anyway OP, if you hesitate at honesty to the point you find yourself putting off telling her your feelings, remember that sometimes a white lie might help. Like telling her your longterm ex called and youre gonna try work things out because of the history you had. Or you can say youre not ready to move on from your ex yet, and don't want to lead this new girl on.
> 
> ...


'Using and abusing' you are taking this way too far.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Umpalumpa said:


> I cant see why thats such a horrible thing to do like the rest of you, dont be that ignorant about her intentions. Go out and have fun, maybe thats all she is looking for as well? Just a nice way to past tuesdays? Dont project your perceptions of things on her.
> Now, with that being said, if you believe that "leading her on" (if thats what truly happening) would leave her devastated, make little comments when you meet next time about how you are not looking for a relationship right now, or just be honest.


And you're not projecting by thinking with your dick with this post?

People should be ****ing honest about their intentions, if he wants a casual relationship he can tell her and then if it's something she doesn't care about they can continue no problem.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Umpalumpa said:


> I cant see why thats such a horrible thing to do like the rest of you, dont be that ignorant about her intentions. Go out and have fun, maybe thats all she is looking for as well? Just a nice way to past tuesdays? Dont project your perceptions of things on her.
> Now, with that being said, if you believe that "leading her on" (if thats what truly happening) would leave her devastated, make little comments when you meet next time about how you are not looking for a relationship right now, or just be honest.


I suppose I took the OP's word for it that he knew she was looking for a relationship and that by hanging out with her he was leading her on. It's hard to know without knowing more about what each of them said to each other. She is intensely making out with him after all, maybe he should just keep seeing her and maybe lose his virginity at some point.



Persephone The Dread said:


> People should be ****ing honest about their intentions, if he wants a casual relationship he can tell her and then if it's something she doesn't care about they can continue no problem.


I don't think it's that simple. She could be offended and interpret that as him calling her a ****. It's not common to be very direct in dating, and it's very uncommon to be so direct and forward about casual sex.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

OP if you decide to not be honest and she gets hurt, let us all know and tag these guys.


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## RetroAesthetic (Sep 26, 2015)

I once dated a girl for 6 months, I figured I'd give it a trial as I wasn't physically attracted to her, but I had fun hanging out with her, and everyone always said "Attraction grows over time"! For me, it didn't, so I had to let her down gently. It was very difficult to say, and I felt sick as I had to wait throughout the week to see her in person, as I didn't want to do it through text or anything. I wouldn't say we were in a serious relationship. Never had sex or anything like that. I'm surprised to see so many people here think it's weird that you didn't have sex after just three dates... But then I guess everyone is different. 

Three times I've been dating someone and rather than call it off, they just ignored me. I get that it's difficult to say to someone, but I wish they had instead of just left me hanging.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Slumknox said:


> So last night my intentions were too give her the "not looking for a serious relationship" speech. I picked her up around 9 o'clock. For some reason I couldn't tell her. I mean, I do find her physically attractive and that's the problem. Intensely making out is something I've never really done before; its ****ing addicting.
> 
> I want to be respectful and tell her in person, but its too tempting not too. Should I just tell her over text like a douchebag?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sending a text is actually being a gentleman these days. Most guys in their 20s just ghost out of the blue. I actually have a friend whose long-term boyfriend ghosted her instead of breaking up with her. Seriously, if I got a text from a guy letting me down gently, I'd actually feel good about it rather than upset, because it's so rare for people to be straightforward these days. It's really cool you want to tell her rather than string her along - it shows respect. You haven't had sex or been seeing her very long, so it's not like there's a big emotional investment riding on it and you don't owe her a big explanation - it's important to just do the courtesy of telling her, so even a little text would be fine.

I think you could send her a text saying "Hey so-and-so, it's been fun but..." and then take your pick of the usual placeholder excuses like "I'm not looking to get into anything right now", "I feel like we're looking for different things", "I don't feel like we're a match", or whatever. You don't have to justify it, not feeling it is reason enough. If you're just kind and tactful about it, it should be fine, and she'll probably be grateful you were honest and didn't play with her feelings or waste her time.

Of course doing it in person is even more respectful, but text has the bonus of letting you both keep your composure if it gets awkward.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

nubly said:


> Three dates and no sex? Just tell her you're not into her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This may surprise you but not everybody screws everything that moves.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

The truth will set you free, and her too.



Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


Go easy with the good advice, Dr Phil.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


Mr. Liberal turns out to be a sexist pig. She might lose, thinking you seriously liked here when you really just liked a place to stick your dick.


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## Umpalumpa (Jan 26, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> And you're not projecting by thinking with your dick with this post?
> 
> People should be ****ing honest about their intentions, if he wants a casual relationship he can tell her and then if it's something she doesn't care about they can continue no problem.


Nope...

Yep, they should be.

You are looking for a victim too hard in this story.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Ignoring her is the best option no matter how rude it is. That's what I did to people who were nothing but a pain in the *** to me. What you allow is what will continue. You gotta take action if you want the situation to end. Would you be interested in having a friendship with this girl? If not, then this is going to be tough.


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Thank you all for the replies, well some of you. I don’t quite know to respond to them all.

Since my OP I have hung out with her twice (at night). Both times I wanted to tell her the basic “I like you but I’m not looking for a serious relationship” jargon. I failed to do so both times. The simple fact is that I would rather hang out with her 1-2 nights a week than be bored at home alone. Gaining exp with girls and physical contact is hard to stay away from. She is nice and I do like her, just not in the long term gf type of way. Ideally, I would really like to have her as a friend. I know this isn’t going to happen, but still. 

I’m certain that she is REALLY into me. She blows up my phone; she always wants to do romantic things; always asks when I’m not working; asks serious personal questions. I can go on and on. In fact, she just asked what I was doing tomorrow night as I’m typing this. I feeling like a douche, but I actually have a date with another girl tomorrow night. 

We have not had sex yet. Quite frankly I don’t want to be that guy that just wants to bone a girl, and then leave her hanging. 

It’s f****** hard to lay a person down. I’ve never done it before and I don’t want to. I refuse to ghost her. I have had that happen to me before and it is a really s***** thing to do. I know I’m being a selfish jerk, but I like having her around. I just don't know how to or even want to tell her.


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## shyicebear (Sep 25, 2015)

Eventually she is going to find out and she's going to hate you a lot more than if you had just broke up with her. She might hate you either way, but if I were her and I find that you're just leading me on, I would make sure you regret it and make your life a living hell.


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## TCNY (Dec 3, 2014)

let her think it was her choice to just stay friends. its what hurts them the least if at all

disclaimer: im not a guru no refunds


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Punch her in the tit and then lick ter face . 

That should get rid of her


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

UltraShy said:


> This may surprise you but not everybody screws everything that moves.


:surprise: 
Really are you serious :serious:
Since when did this happen :frown2:

Ha ha ha


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## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

My god this thread :-S 

This advice is intended to be gender-agnostic - just be honest and up front with what you want. No one likes being taken for a ride. Some guys prolong these situations for sex, women so that they can get taken on expensive dates.(I've seen both first hand)Don't be one of those people.


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I hope you're not still leading her on OP, that's just cruel. As painful as any rejection is being upfront is always the best way to handle it.


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Update:

I finally gave her the "not looking for anything serious" speech. But I told her Im also not looking to just have sex with you and split. I didnt initiate the conversation, rather she questioned me about our relationship. It didn't even faze her when I told her; she was expecting it, I assume.

Things are now sexual and I still feel like she really would like to take things to a serious level. It's never going to happen. I feel bad about that, too. I feel like maybe we should have clarified our intentions a bit more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Slumknox said:


> Update:
> 
> I finally gave her the "not looking for anything serious" speech. But I told her Im also not looking to just have sex with you and split. I didnt initiate the conversation, rather she questioned me about our relationship. It didn't even faze her when I told her; she was expecting it, I assume.
> 
> ...


You didn't ask her what she was looking for? That's probably more relevant in this situation.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Be honest - don't lead them on and don't bull**** them.

If you're not into her just get it over with already. She can get on with her life.


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> I would keep going on dates with her. Just use her to feel your void of loneliness and perhaps have sex with her too. I mean who will lose in the end? It surely won't be you.
> 
> A woman will probably do this to you in the future so don't see it as leading her on but getting even.


Yeah I think you should do women a favour and never date them Ig. Seriously, for real dude. You have a seriously messed up view of women and I'd feel bad for the poor girl. I hope you mature and grow up, for your own sake. Your views in this area are nothing short of embarrassing.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

You're still leading her on if you think she wants more than just casual sex.

Breakups are a part of life. You don't want to be with her in the long term, she does. It's never going to work and eventually you're going to be in a messy breakup with her likely being very hurt. 

I wish you'd take the higher ground and be a man and end it if you believe she is unsure of future of the relationship.


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## Slumknox (Feb 25, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> You didn't ask her what she was looking for? That's probably more relevant in this situation.


You're right. Thats would have been a great question to ask. She did, however, say that she liked where we were at now. Idk how genuine that statement was, tho.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

McFly said:


> You're still leading her on if you think she wants more than just casual sex.


She knows what he wants now, and she's an adult and can decide for herself whether she wants to keep seeing him. He's done everything he needs to now, if she gets hurt it's on her.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> She knows what he wants now, and she's an adult and can decide for herself whether she wants to keep seeing him. He's done everything he needs to now, if she gets hurt it's on her.


I still believe a mature person should end it if they think the other has different intentions. He maybe just wants sex until he finds someone else and maybe she's thinking of wedding rings. There's not enough info here to go by, but if two people are on different paths in a relationship it's better to end it soon rather than stringing someone along.


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## Lolpingu (Oct 13, 2014)

Did the relationship get to sex yet? if so, you could propose a FWB deal to her. You both find eachother physically attractive, and you enjoy the sex, but don't have enough in common to have a meaningful relationship, so you should just stay friends but keep having sex because it is mutually enjoyable. It's a far more logical conclusion to an undesirable relationship than simply breaking up. Of course, she might just slap you and call you an *******, but it's her fault for not thinking logically.


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