# My brother doesn't wake up/dress until 2 PM -- is 29 years old.



## Anti depressant (Jan 29, 2011)

I'm not quite sure that I understand what his issue is. He's been in school for the past 7 years. I was in school for the past 5 -- I had a year of Master's. My brother went to undergrad, didn't do well in law-school and then got a degree as a paralegal. 

He frequently doesn't dress and uses his robe when he walks around the house. 

I just don't think this is very professional behavior. He's out of a job. I am in-between jobs right now and I am doing something very part-time... I'm volunteering. He doesn't see value in volunteer work. 

I just worry that he's going to be out of a job well into his 30s... he's had 2 interviews recently but those were just his two interviews ever since he's been back. 

He also gets stressed out sometimes. So, I don't get it.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Is he depressed? Does he not have bills to pay? Hopefully he has a plan as far as his future is concerned.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I hate how people think that just because someone dresses sloppy or doesn't put effort in their appearance, they are depressed. This is not always true. My mom says the same thing to me. I understand that you're worried about your brother because you love him. You're a good sibling. Have you asked him how he's feeling? If not, then you can do that instead of assuming.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

Right now I don't have a job, so I wake up around 1 PM when I don't have anything to do in the morning. I always dress though.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I wish I had it in me to lay in bed. If I knew where my robe was, I'd wear it all the time too. I don't see the point in going through the motions either.

If you've got no job, no one to impress... he could be depressed, or he could just not give a damn about superficial professionalism right now.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

He is probably depressed.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Sounds like he's just lazy.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I think there is depression going on.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Well, he doesn't have a job. Can't really pay the bills without a job. And he only had 2 interviews. Not hard to see why he would get depressed.

And maybe his plans just didn't pan out at all.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

Oh i swear to God @Anti depressant your older bro and mine sound so alike. it's reassuring.

My brother is too a deadbeat layabout. It really concerns and worries me. He is 27 and never had a proper job or been to university. The longest he's ever held down a job is like a year? always in and out of work.... he's been unemployed for years and years at a time. no motivation to find a job. he just sleeps in bed all day. i'm worried about him so much.

it sucks we worry about our brothers yet they have been mean to us for so many years.

i just want my brother to find a direction

maybe then he will stop being so mean


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

I always go sleep at ~8 AM and wake up at ~4 PM lol.


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## firestar (Jun 27, 2009)

My brother is 30 years old, unemployed, hasn't really done much since college . . . and yet still wakes up at 6 a.m. every day. I don't get it, either.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

depression....


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Well atlesst he got a degree, its funny how we want to vent here freely and not be judge but throw others under the bus..

Tbh he sounds like alot of sasers..
Try to understand him, get him some help.. He just sounds pretty depressed tbh.


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## theotherone (Sep 1, 2015)

I don't see the problem. I see hypocrisy in ur thread actually.


Whyd you join sas? Maybe ur brother should judge that?


My mom has been working since age 13 and me I'm about the loneliest person alive, I usually wake up around 11 when I have no school. Is that bad? Lately I wake up 2 pm too because no one is home. If I was 29 I still wouldn't see the big fuss.

It's like people like us dont want to be jobless.


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## Chereogo (Mar 6, 2014)

stop judging him-who are you to judge him? he can do whatever he wants in the privacy of his own home, if that means sleeping till mid afternoon so be it. maybe he doesnt want to waste clean clothes just to be at home? Did you try to help him get a job, or talk to him about why he is acting like that. be a good sister to him, instead of *****ing about him to strangers on a forum-he's your brother ffs.


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## DarkmanX (Jun 27, 2013)

7th.Streeter said:


> its funny how we want to vent here freely and not be judge but throw others under the bus..


Good point. I've noticed similar.


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## layitontheline (Aug 19, 2009)

Maybe he's depressed, maybe he just wants to chill for a while, maybe he doesn't find much value in slaving away/wasting time on appearance/doing things for random strangers. It's okay for people to have different priorities in life. You could ask him how he feels about his current position in life and help him if he wants help, let him be if he's content?


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

He sounds lazy, and lazy people tend to be depressed because who feels good about themselves being lazy all the time? Is he living with you? I think he needs a push in the right direction, and maybe a reminder that it's not you're responsibility to support him forever, especially so if he's not making an actual effort to establish independence again.



Chereogo said:


> stop judging him-who are you to judge him? he can do whatever he wants in the privacy of his own home, if that means sleeping till mid afternoon so be it. maybe he doesnt want to waste clean clothes just to be at home? Did you try to help him get a job, or talk to him about why he is acting like that. be a good sister to him, instead of *****ing about him to strangers on a forum-he's your brother ffs.


Was this really necessary?


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Sounds like me :/ except the lazy part


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

I understand the @Anti depressant is gannering alot of mean comments.

Until you know what its like to live with an awful older brother its not fair to say.

I know exactly where the OP is coming from.

My brother is 27 and has never had a stable job or been to university. he's been out of work for years. my parents have offered to take him to uni for free but he wont accept. he rejects all our help. he just lies in bed and treats the place like a hotel. it's insufferable.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Skeletra said:


> Well, he doesn't have a job. Can't really pay the bills without a job. And he only had 2 interviews. Not hard to see why he would get depressed.
> 
> And maybe his plans just didn't pan out at all.


No kidding.

However, if he is not actively looking for work, then he would be sort-of lazy in my mind. Is he making an effort to change at least?


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

7th.Streeter said:


> Tbh he sounds like alot of sasers..


Exactly what I was thinking. Not wanting to interview (too overwhelming), sleeping during the day (escape), not bothering to dress (feeling hopeless). I would worry about your own problems and let him worry about his. I mean, your judgements regarding how people should live won't help you nor him. Especially if you're letting it affect your emotions.

It sounds like you would benefit from awareness therapy. Learning to observe yourself, others, and everything around you in the present without thinking of things as bad or good, just being aware of them.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

We're not judging our brothers. We think that what they're doing is so bad for them. It's so bad and it's destroying them. And it hurts to watch. I say bad things about my brother because ultimately i know he can do better and i want to see him get better (i.e break out of his 5 year unemployment).


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## JohnDoe26 (Jun 6, 2012)

Anti depressant said:


> I'm not quite sure that I understand what his issue is. He's been in school for the past 7 years. I was in school for the past 5 -- I had a year of Master's. My brother went to undergrad, didn't do well in law-school and then got a degree as a paralegal.
> 
> He frequently doesn't dress and uses his robe when he walks around the house.
> 
> ...


He's either depressed or lazy. Talk to him and ask him what's up. Are you supporting him? If so, give him an ultimatum. Ask him either to at least try to get help with his mental issues, or put in more effort into finding a job and being more productive, otherwise, you will slowly cut back on your support (whatever money you give him etc).


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> he just lies in bed and treats the place like a hotel. it's insufferable.





Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> We're not *judging* our brothers. _We think that what they're doing is so bad for them._


I don't think that word means what you think it means.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

7th.Streeter said:


> Well atlesst he got a degree, its funny *how we want to vent here freely and not be judge but throw others under the bus..*
> 
> Tbh he sounds like alot of sasers..
> Try to understand him, get him some help.. He just sounds pretty depressed tbh.


I agree, it's also amazing how little people on this forum really understand how hard it is when you do have depression or other mental illnesses. I assume because it's easy for them, they assume the same for everyone.


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

The Sound of Silence said:


> I don't think that word means what you think it means.


You dont understand until you live with it and see someone going through hell and doing nothing about it. It's been going on for years.


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## sydneyjj (Mar 4, 2016)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> I understand the @*Anti depressant* is gannering alot of mean comments.
> 
> Until you know what its like to live with an awful older brother its not fair to say.
> 
> ...


I'm kind of like your brother. I'm also 27. I graduated from university last summer and haven't done anything since. I wake up around 10am, but I try to get up earlier. I've worked for a total of 6 months in my life, and a few years of volunteer work. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I'm scared to do the jobs that are immediately available to me, such as retail. I'm just curious - what could your brother be doing to make him not be a loser (in your eyes)? I see no real difference between being unemployed and working a string of low-paid jobs - both are equally pointless. If your brother is not making any plans at all then I suppose that's the real problem.


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## JDsays (Oct 20, 2015)

@Anti depressant
I think you need to have a sit down conversation with him. He's your brother and you don't know what's really going on with him. I mean in your eyes you see a problem, but maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing. He needs a reality check and you could be the person that pulls him out of his bad habits and make him see that what he's doing isn't good for himself. You're assuming he sees what you see and you see what he sees. Unless you two know each other very intimately, then I doubt you know exactly what he's thinking.

If you truly care, you're the only one in this whole thread that can positively impact your brother and say something. It's a crude analogy but if you had a dog drawn on your face with a sharpie would you want someone to tell you about it before you left your house? There's nothing really wrong with having a dog written in your face with a sharpie, but people might say something. Just like there's nothing really wrong with waking up at 2pm everyday, there's nothing wrong with that, but people like you might say something. Why should it be any different with you situation? Say something, and open a conversation with your brother


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## nepnep247 (Feb 25, 2016)

Aribeth said:


> I always go sleep at ~8 AM and wake up at ~4 PM lol.


 its SOOOO depressing and not neppy going to sleep and waking up when its dark maybe i should buy a special lamp


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Cool Ice Dude55 said:


> You dont understand until you live with it and see someone going through hell and doing nothing about it. It's been going on for years.


Yes I have, I've just been on the other side of it. Being judgemental is not caring, it's forcing your opinion of how someone's life should be lived. It's not your problem, you aren't your brother's keeper. So focus on your own life. Live and let live. [staff edit]


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## Cool Ice Dude55 (Jan 7, 2014)

The Sound of Silence said:


> Yes I have, I've just been on the other side of it. Being judgemental is not caring, it's forcing your opinion of how someone's life should be lived. It's not your problem, you aren't your brother's keeper. So focus on your own life. Live and let live.


It must be nice to have never negatively judged someone before then.


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## TheGuardian (Jun 20, 2015)

I wear pajamas everyday since i'm not going anywhere. Sometimes i'll wear sweatpants, i'll admit i'm getting tired of wearing pjs all day. But why not be comfy all day? Jeans are not comfy.


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

He's immature and a loser that's going nowhere in life and you're so much better than him. Was that the answer you were hoping for?

Just kidding, I know what it's like to live with an older brother who has no future ahead of him and is emotionally abusive. It's sad to see someone of the same blood as you fail in life and most likely see yourself falling into that path as well. It'd be much cooler to say, "My older brother has a doctorates and a high paying job!" than "He stays home all day doing nothing in his life." because people will judge you for it and the rest of your family. It's whatever though, at least you'll be the parents' favorite.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

This is me in a few years. I'm depressed as **** and have no motivation to apply for a job.


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## infiniteinquiry (Feb 23, 2016)

Me for many, many, many years. I stay in bed all morning, usually get up around 12 PM but no later than 2 PM. When I wake up, I have no motivation to get up, so I stay in bed for a couple hours. :grin2:


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

when does he go to bed/ sleep? Is it a normal time or something like 4 or 5 am? 

if he has nothing to get up for? why make a boring and uneventfull day even longer? he could be depressed and not even.realize. or its plain plain laziness.

Perversely " laziness" is or can be a symptom of being depressed. however....some depressed people might still sproing outta bed at 7 am.

when I went to work and college over the past Years blah blah I wasn't depressed but I always lied in until like 1 am on the weekend. because those days had nothing to actually Get up at 8 am for.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Anti depressant said:


> I'm not quite sure that I understand what his issue is. He's been in school for the past 7 years. I was in school for the past 5 -- I had a year of Master's. My brother went to undergrad, didn't do well in law-school and then got a degree as a paralegal.
> 
> He frequently doesn't dress and uses his robe when he walks around the house.
> 
> ...


Hey that's not very nice to make fun of your brother, so, he's just different. You could say he is like me or I am worse, let's see, my younger sister and younger brother both have jobs and cars, and I have neither! See, I am way way out of this world. Just different people, nothing more, nothing less.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

Chelsalina said:


> He's immature and a loser that's going nowhere in life and you're so much better than him. Was that the answer you were hoping for?
> 
> Just kidding, I know what it's like to live with an older brother who has no future ahead of him *and is emotionally abusive*. It's sad to see someone of the same blood as you fail in life and most likely see yourself falling into that path as well. It'd be much cooler to say, "My older brother has a doctorates and a high paying job!" than "He stays home all day doing nothing in his life." because people will judge you for it and the rest of your family. It's whatever though, at least you'll be the parents' favorite.


is he?


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

Q003 said:


> is he?


I was referring to my own brother.


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## Q003 (Jun 24, 2015)

Chelsalina said:


> I was referring to my own brother.


And my brother ate a kebab last week.

just saying in case you assume being emotionally abusive and being a depressed older brother with no job go hand in hand somehow.


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

Q003 said:


> And my brother ate a kebab last week.
> 
> just saying in case you assume being emotionally abusive and being a depressed older brother with no job go hand in hand somehow.


http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...er-is-threatening-me-again-i-am-very-1699945/

same person as op


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## unemployment simulator (Oct 18, 2015)

someone mentioned money in this thread, unless there is something I missed elsewhere on this forum(?) giving him money isn't really a good way to go about this. In all the time I have been unemployed I never asked for money from my family, unless it was an emergency or to go to an interview, in fact I didn't ask much of them at all. without an income it might provide incentive to earn, but if its depression its a little harder to tackle. try not to be too judgemental, I have had my family call me the same thing, they don't believe that social anxiety is a problem I have and they refuse to acknowledge any depression or other mental health problems I have. I think they just come from a generation where they don't believe in these things so readily. it's incredibly frustrating for me to be told that my mental health issues don't exist.


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## gegwgw (Apr 8, 2016)

Your brother sounds like me, except I get up earlier.

I have a strong suspicion that I have ADD. My level of apathy is quite extreme. I want to change my situation but I can't break out of my cell. It's like a silent scream. I want to change but I can't focus and make those changes, I choose distractions instead, like the internet. That's what I'm doing this very moment.

If I get treatment I'll post back here on my progress.


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## Chelsalina (Oct 15, 2014)

Q003 said:


> And my brother ate a kebab last week.
> 
> just saying in case you assume being emotionally abusive and being a depressed older brother with no job go hand in hand somehow.


I was comforting the OP and saying he/she is not alone with having an abusive brother and I also remember the OP commenting something about his brother being abusive.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

What ? I don't even bored to get dress if I am going to be on the house, what's the problem ? as long as I don't go semi naked outside, I don't see what's wrong with this. Also, what "professional" has to do with this? Do both of you sleep at work ?.


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## flykiwi (Jul 18, 2011)

kind of judgmental maybe? you'd think being on a social anxiety site, depression would be better understood? Not everyones good at this life thing. I'm 26, living on school aid, and often the same. Even when I had a job. I was still lazy around the house and depressed and stay in my room all day. Money doesnt make things better. Other than classes I hardly leave the house. Reality sucks. It's too easy to judge others when you're not in their head. Considering he's done law school I'd say he's done pretty good actually. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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