# Liking a girl behind the counter at the gas station.....



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

I like her. She's so pretty and sweet. Looks about 21/22. I'm 29, and totally lacking in confidence. I want to ask her out. I tried to do a little small talk with her for the first time today. She was pretty friendly back and laughed cutely at my crappy jokes.

What do you think? Good idea or bad idea to ask her? I guess she probably gets asked out 100 times a week.

Thanks.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

It's always a good idea to go for what you want. I say go for it.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

As long as you don't mind seeing her again if she says no.


----------



## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Just try it. If she says no, never go to that station again lol.


----------



## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

You can either:
1: Ask her and find out if she'll go out with you
2: Don't ask her and never know if she would have or not

Which from your perspective really isn't much of a choice. But that's not really the choice you're asking us about is it?


----------



## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin (Nov 28, 2009)

Do it, don't hesitate or build it up too much. But do it right, get her laughing/vibing first, don't just bumble in there and shyly ask her to the movies (that doesn't work trust me:b). Good eye contact, good voice, maybe get her number first, she might be hesitant to go out with you right away.

Good luck dude!


----------



## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

nemesis1 said:


> Just try it. *If she says no, never go to that station again lol.*


Lol xD... Yeah, I say go for it too OP. Best of luck to you.


----------



## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

ask her if you could get a job there and see how well she reacts to that


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Honestly? I say don't do it.

You're a bit too old for her. She might just see you as another older guy hitting on her. When you work behind the counter you become accustomed to that. While it might be flattering at times, rarely does the person behind the counter take it seriously. You also don't have any solid basis to ask her out. There are tons of pretty girls all over the world, but you've resolved to ask one of the many who are paid to be nice?

I'm not saying don't do it because she might say no, I'm saying you shouldn't do it because it will probably make her feel very uncomfortable if she's not into you.


----------



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> Honestly? I say don't do it.
> 
> You're a bit too old for her. She might just see you as another older guy hitting on her. When you work behind the counter you become accustomed to that. While it might be flattering at times, rarely does the person behind the counter take it seriously. You also don't have any solid basis to ask her out. There are tons of pretty girls all over the world, but you've resolved to ask one of the many who are paid to be nice?
> 
> I'm not saying don't do it because she might say no, I'm saying you shouldn't do it because it will probably make her feel very uncomfortable if she's not into you.


Don't worry- my confidence is so low it's unlikely I'll even do anything about it.


----------



## SlipDaJab (Dec 27, 2011)

Scan for some info..you really need to get her in a different environment not at work.. but at work ask her if she knows anything about some club cinema or place cause u were thinking of headin out with some friends there and wanted an opinion..this way you can find out if she goes to places like this and u can develop things from there if she does..may meet her out in one or the other


----------



## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

Ask her out, life is too short.
You could be happy together.
Make sweet lemonade together
?????
PROFIT


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

You may as well.
Its that or obsess over it without acting (me).
Just be prepared that you may not want to go back to the gas station if she says no.
Just try to drop it in casually.


----------



## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

AllToAll said:


> Honestly? I say don't do it.
> 
> You're a bit too old for her. She might just see you as another older guy hitting on her. When you work behind the counter you become accustomed to that. While it might be flattering at times, rarely does the person behind the counter take it seriously. You also don't have any solid basis to ask her out. There are tons of pretty girls all over the world, but you've resolved to ask one of the many who are paid to be nice?
> 
> I'm not saying don't do it because she might say no, I'm saying you shouldn't do it because it will probably make her feel very uncomfortable if she's not into you.


This is what makes it so hopeless for any 27+ guys with years behind financially and socially to find a girlfriend. You're not up to par with what women your age desire, you have no career, you can't support a family...yet you're also too old to even date girls 5-8 years younger.

This is why we fail so much in society's standards.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

foe said:


> This is what makes it so hopeless for any 27+ guys with years behind financially and socially to find a girlfriend. You're not up to par with what women your age desire, you have no career, you can't support a family...yet you're also too old to even date girls 5-8 years younger.
> 
> This is why we fail so much in society's standards.


My sister is 27 and her boyfriend has no college degree and works at a furniture store. She, on the other hand, has a college degree and about six years of experience working for ad agencies.
There are women out there who aren't looking for an ultra successful man who can take care of them; that they can do themselves. Some people just want company.

Is it harder for you because you have SA? Yes, but there are women out there in the same position as you (whatever it may be). You need to stop worrying about societal standards because a lot of people don't fit that mold, and the more you focus on how you don't/can't live up to it, the more unhappy you'll be.

I wonder, though, how it'd be any different with a younger woman? If she's going to college, chances are she's more career-driven than, say, a 28 year-old who works in retail sans college degree.


----------



## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

AllToAll said:


> My sister is 27 and her boyfriend has no college degree and works at a furniture store. She, on the other hand, has a college degree and about six years of experience working for ad agencies.
> There are women out there who aren't looking for an ultra successful man who can take care of them; that they can do themselves. Some people just want company.
> 
> Is it harder for you because you have SA? Yes, but there are women out there in the same position as you (whatever it may be). *You need to stop worrying about societal standards because a lot of people don't fit that mold, and the more you focus on how you don't/can't live up to it, the more unhappy you'll be.*
> ...


Oh, believe me I don't.

Sure they are women like that out there but are very few. Most women(and girls) want some kind of status in a man. When they're in high school, they want to be with the popular guys. College girls want to be with the "big man on campus." Women in the work field wants a man who is at least equal in position and income as she is.


----------



## determination (Jul 22, 2011)

yeah to be honest I wouldn't do it, girls have to have a reason to want to go out with you no offense, have you shown her a reason to be interested in you?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

foe said:


> Oh, believe me I don't.
> 
> Sure they are women like that out there but are very few. Most women(and girls) want some kind of status in a man. When they're in high school, they want to be with the popular guys. College girls want to be with the "big man on campus." Women in the work field wants a man who is at least equal in position and income as she is.


I still say you live in young adult film, but go ahead and keep thinking what you want. 
Good luck with the teenage girls.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It kind of depends. If you are good looking then you don't need to have a great career but if you are a bit on the ugly side then you do need to have a decent job. Maybe if you have a superb personality you can make up for it. It's a combination of the three. Since this gas station girl doesn't know anything about the OP, I doubt she will say yes to a date with him unless he is pretty good looking or extremely witty/funny.


----------



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

Wow!

I love each and every person on this forum. In fact, this is the best forum I've ever used. But you have all just all terrified me and reinforced all my fears and self-doubts.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

babylemonade said:


> Wow!
> 
> I love each and every person on this forum. In fact, this is the best forum I've ever used. But you have all just all terrified me and reinforced all my fears and self-doubts.


 Nah, plenty of people have said go for it.

You may as well, better than just wondering about it- and I should know.
The very worst thing that can happen is that she declines. Then you can simply avoid that gas station- not too bad a risk for the possible rewards.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

foe said:


> Oh shut the f--k up. You're portraying me as if I prey on teens. Go f--k yourself with that ****.


:lol I only interpret the text. No need to be so feisty.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

babylemonade said:


> Wow!
> 
> I love each and every person on this forum. In fact, this is the best forum I've ever used. But you have all just all terrified me and reinforced all my fears and self-doubts.


Which are that people with SAD are just like everyone else?

The first time I came to the boards I thought this was going to be heaven; everyone was going to be friendly and we had actual evidence for this 'us' and 'them' between ourselves and people who don't have SAD, they were all for equality and had well-though out opinions, but it turns out we are just like EVERYONE "out there," only with a disorder that interferes with how we socialize (or don't). Like Holden Caulfield would say, we're all "a bunch of phonies."


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Which are that people with SAD are just like everyone else?
> 
> The first time I came to the boards I thought this was going to be heaven; everyone was going to be friendly and we had actual evidence for this 'us' and 'them' between ourselves and people who don't have SAD, they were all for equality and had well-though out opinions, but it turns out we are just like EVERYONE "out there," only with a disorder that interferes with how we socialize (or don't). Like Holden Caulfield would say, we're all "a bunch of phonies."


Actually, I think some people with social anxiety are worse than the average bear because they are so tightly wound up into their own little cocoon and feel threatened easily. On this forum I see such a huge hatred of people who are outgoing, promiscuous, use drugs, or like to go to parties/clubs.


----------



## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

If she is really hot and gets asked out a hundred times your chances are slim IMO. She is probably going to view you the same as the other hundreds of guys.


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Well, there's only one way to find out.

However....

Obviously, there's the age thing. It's not really that bad. I mean it's only 7 years. It's not like you're an old man scoping out an 18 year old or anything. But in these times people seem to think a difference of more than a year and a half is robbing the cradle so you have to be ready for it if she flips out and calls you a creep or something. She probably won't if she's always been friendly but you never know. Just plan a painless exit strategy well so you won't be any more embarrassed by it (if it does happen) than need be.

Then there's the "lack of confidence" thing we keep hearing about. Maybe it won't apply with this girl or maybe it will but if you're asking here, you probably don't have confidence so you're going to have to fake it and hope she doesn't pick up on it. 

Then there's the tacky vibe of going after her where she works. She might feel like you're cornering her and if she doesn't say yes she might have to deal with it over and over every time you come in. She could have any number of fears about this approach. 

I think you're better off looking for someone where you know the other people are also looking. Like a dating site or something. The girls who are on those sites are actually looking for someone. And you won't have to worry about getting tangled up in people's work lives or whatever.

Good luck. But I would personally let this one go.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Honestly? I say don't do it.
> 
> You're a bit too old for her.


What's your formula?

29/2 + 7 = 21.5 so it looks like you could date her. Still don't know where that formula came from.

You have to do something interesting to get her attention since she must get asked out a lot. hmmmmmmm....gas station.......got it - douse yourself with gasoline and get out a lighter. Tell her you will light yourself if she doesn't agree to go out with you. Bet she's never had a guy do that before.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

scarpia said:


> What's your formula?
> 
> 29/2 + 7 = 21.5 so it looks like you could date her. Still don't know where that formula came from.
> 
> You have to do something interesting to get her attention since she must get asked out a lot. hmmmmmmm....gas station.......got it - douse yourself with gasoline and get out a lighter. Tell her you will light yourself if she doesn't agree to go out with you. Bet she's never had a guy do that before.


No, it's more like "you guys are definitely not in the same stages in life."


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> No, it's more like "you guys are definitely not in the same stages in life."


 What nonsense. My dad is ten years older than my mom. There has never been a problem. They've been married for 40 years.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

PickleNose said:


> What nonsense. My dad is ten years older than my mom. There has never been a problem. They've been married for 40 years.


Good for them. My mother is actually 9 years older than my stepfather.

I'm 22 and wouldn't date a 29 year-old because I don't think I'm in the same _place_ as him. One year in your 20s can feel like ten. Now if I were 30, I would definitely date a 37 year-old. So no, it's not nonsense.

Then again I didn't tell the OP not to ask her out, I simply said I wouldn't do it.


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> I'm 22 and wouldn't date a 29 year-old because I don't think I'm in the same _place_ as him. One year in your 20s can feel like ten.


 Well, I don't want to derail this thread but just briefly, so what? I remember being 22. I remember it well. I also remember being 29. There was not a significant difference between who I was at those two ages. Now if you asked me if I was the same person NOW as I was when I was 22, the answer would obviously be no. *That's* a substantial age gap. But (If I was dating) I'd still date a 22 year old if she'd have me. And wouldn't care what anyone thought of it.

Anyway, I don't know how we got to this idea where people have to be precisely the same age in order to date. IMO, the only thing that matters is the law. If it's legal, I wouldn't worry about it unless I planned on marrying the person and having kids.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> No, it's more like "you guys are definitely not in the same stages in life."


As long as the guy is still in the horny state of life it's all good.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

PickleNose said:


> Well, I don't want to derail this thread but just briefly, so what? I remember being 22. I remember it well. I also remember being 29. There was not a significant difference between who I was at those two ages. Now if you asked me if I was the same person NOW as I was when I was 22, the answer would obviously be no. *That's* a substantial age gap. But (If I was dating) I'd still date a 22 year old if she'd have me. And wouldn't care what anyone thought of it.
> 
> Anyway, I don't know how we got to this idea where people have to be precisely the same age in order to date. IMO, the only thing that matters is the law. If it's legal, I wouldn't worry about it unless I planned on marrying the person and having kids.


That's _your_ opinion. I see major difference in myself from who I was at 19 and 22. I never told him not to do it, but I did say *I* wouldn't. And I still do think they are two different stages, whether you agree or not.

I find it funny, though, how some men always say they'd date younger women, but never say older. It really makes me wonder what the real reasons are as to why they don't see an issue in dating a younger woman. Not trying to start anything here. Just a thought. I wouldn't want to derail the topic, after all.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

scarpia said:


> As long as the guy is still in the horny state of life it's all good.


I'm trying to guess between two thoughts about what you mean exactly. What do you mean?


----------



## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Good for them. My mother is actually 9 years older than my stepfather.
> 
> I'm 22 and wouldn't date a 29 year-old because I don't think I'm in the same _place_ as him. One year in your 20s can feel like ten. Now if I were 30, I would definitely date a 37 year-old. So no, it's not nonsense.
> 
> Then again I didn't tell the OP not to ask her out, I simply said I wouldn't do it.


My parents also met in their 20's, with a 7 year difference, but age gap is a tricky topic. Everyone has their own feelings toward it. I know I wasn't looking to date a 29 year old when I was 22, but realistically it would depend on the person.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> I'm trying to guess between two thoughts about what you mean exactly. What do you mean?


 Men really are from Mars and women are really from Venus.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

scarpia said:


> Men really are from Mars and women are really from Venus.


Oooh, so you're that type that's stuck in the 90s.... That explains. 
Don't worry, I won't bother with you.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

F1X3R said:


> My parents also met in their 20's, with a 7 year difference, but age gap is a tricky topic. Everyone has their own feelings toward it. I know I wasn't looking to date a 29 year old when I was 22, but realistically it would depend on the person.


Yeah, it could happen, but I wanted to let him know that she might not "romanticize" the age difference as much. :stu


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Oooh, so you're that type that's stuck in the 90s.... That explains.
> Don't worry, I won't bother with you.


The 1890s.

I think we scared the OP away. Hope he didn't really light himself.


----------



## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Yeah, it could happen, but I wanted to let him know that she might not "romanticize" the age difference as much. :stu


Yeah I get where your coming from, but many people without SA wouldn't hesitate to at least flirt with another adult they liked, especially if they were able to make them laugh. We tend to be so cautious though.

In the past, age ranges were much more broader, even as recent as the generation of our parents. It wasn't unusual for anyone in their 20's or 30's to date each other. People used to grow up quicker. Our generation is even known as the "peter pan generation". It is different now, but not so much that it would be too odd for two people in their twenties to date.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

It is funny how on this board some of the older men want to date much younger women because they consider themselves immature, with little life experience. But the whole point in dating someone older is because they do have more experience and have their s**t together better than a 22 year old guy. They live alone, with no roommates, have more disposable income, might be better in bed, and are not quite as ****ty as they used to be. Why would a young woman want to date an immature 30 year old who does not have his stuff together? How would he be more desirable than a 22 year old guy, who has all his hair and doesn't have a middle-aged gut yet?


----------



## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

komorikun said:


> It is funny how on this board some of the older men want to date much younger women because they consider themselves immature, with little life experience. But the whole point in dating someone older is because they do have more experience and have their s**t together better than a 22 year old guy. They live alone, with no roommates, have more disposable income, and are not quite a ****ty as they used to be. Why would a young woman want to date an immature 30 year old who does not have his stuff together? How would he be more desirable than a 22 year old guy, who has all his hair and doesn't have a middle-aged gut yet?


Wow please be respectful to the OP, he just ran into a girl that he liked. He's not even sure how young she is.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

komorikun said:


> It is funny how on this board some of the older men want to date much younger women because they consider themselves immature, with little life experience. But the whole point in dating someone older is because they do have more experience and have their s**t together better than a 22 year old guy. They live alone, with no roommates, have more disposable income, and are not quite a ****ty as they used to be. Why would a young woman want to date an immature 30 year old who does not have his stuff together? How would he be more desirable than a 22 year old guy, who has all his hair and doesn't have a middle-aged gut yet?


Chemistry or a good connection maybe. Besides, not all 30 year olds have a gut and some can be more attractive than 20 year olds :roll


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

F1X3R said:


> Wow please be respectful to the OP, he just ran into a girl that he liked. He's not even sure how young she is.


It's nothing against the OP. I was just referring to the other posts in this thread and posts that I have seen in the past in this forum.


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> I find it funny, though, how some men always say they'd date younger women, but never say older.


 I didn't say I wouldn't date an older woman. I have actually known a lot of older women I was attracted to. If I was dating, I'd be willing to date a 50 year old woman if there was an attraction.



> It really makes me wonder what the real reasons are as to why they don't see an issue in dating a younger woman.


 Frankly, for me, the reason is simple. It's a tempest in a teapot. I'd worry about a 7 year age gap too if I could afford to be picky but not everyone can. The OP sounded like he was really attracted to this person. And it's just a guess but I'm going to assume he doesn't have women beating down his door.

To put it a little less delicately, women can often afford to be very nitpicky whereas men often can't. Obviously, that's a generality but I think it holds up more often than not.

On the other hand, I think a lot of males agree with your line of thinking so you might not want to take my opinion for that of all men.


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

komorikun said:


> It is funny how on this board some of the older men want to date much younger women because they consider themselves immature, with little life experience.


 Men always wanted to date younger women. And the reason was not nearly as complicated as you seem to suggest. It's just pure biology. Just because it's unrealistic has never stopped any man from wanting it.

On the other hand, I think (if I'm not mistaken) that the guy who started this thread is attracted to her despite the fact that she's younger. Not because of it. I know I have often found myself checking out women without even thinking about their age. It just doesn't matter as long as they're legal.

But this maybe illustrates the reasons men and women have so many disagreements. From a male perspective, women are often too rational and refuse to dream or fantasize or try something different. If men often "think with the wrong head" (And admittedly, we often do), women often (but not always, obviously) are just plain robotic.


----------



## Dear turtle (Sep 7, 2011)

komorikun said:


> It is funny how on this board some of the older men want to date much younger women because they consider themselves immature, with little life experience. But the whole point in dating someone older is because they do have more experience and have their s**t together better than a 22 year old guy. They live alone, with no roommates, have more disposable income, might be better in bed, and are not quite a ****ty as they used to be. Why would a young woman want to date an immature 30 year old who does not have his stuff together? How would he be more desirable than a 22 year old guy, who has all his hair and doesn't have a middle-aged gut yet?


So true...


----------



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

So harsh. I am the OP, and bald :S

Haha.

p.s. - I have done nothing and made no progress in this situation, just so you all know.


----------



## Define Me (Jan 2, 2012)

babylemonade said:


> I like her. She's so pretty and sweet. Looks about 21/22. I'm 29, and totally lacking in confidence. I want to ask her out. I tried to do a little small talk with her for the first time today.* She was pretty friendly back and laughed cutely at my crappy jokes*.
> 
> What do you think? Good idea or bad idea to ask her? I guess she probably gets asked out 100 times a week.
> 
> Thanks.


She works there, she's supposed to be nice to customers.


----------



## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

babylemonade said:


> So harsh. I am the OP, and bald :S
> 
> Haha.
> 
> p.s. - I have done nothing and made no progress in this situation, just so you all know.


If she smiled and laughed at your jokes - then she doesn't think you're a creep which is good.

Secondly, and personally, some bald men are hot.


----------



## Mysteriousvirgo (Mar 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> I'm 22 and wouldn't date a 29 year-old because I don't think I'm in the same _place_ as him. One year in your 20s can feel like ten. Now if I were 30, I would definitely date a 37 year-old. So no, it's not nonsense.


Suppose a guy is like me, 33 years old (but regularly am mistaken for 25 or so), but very behind my peers due to PDD and Autism spectrum (which was more pronounced when I was younger, not so obvious now). I find I'm more at the social/emotional level of someone perhaps 10 years younger. I have little to relate to with people my age, most of whom are well along in careers, families or long-term relationships, just farther along in life in general. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating, and would have little to offer a woman my age. I think I'd be better off with someone quite a bit younger than me, who I'd probably relate better with.

I say there's nothing wrong with that age gap, since the OP sounds a little like me in that he's several years behind his age.


----------



## MaskOfSanity (Feb 16, 2012)

Lots of girls like older guys from a strictly physical standpoint. It's really, really common. I don't know why some of these women are getting crazy about it.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Mysteriousvirgo said:


> Suppose a guy is like me, 33 years old (but regularly am mistaken for 25 or so), but very behind my peers due to PDD and Autism spectrum (which was more pronounced when I was younger, not so obvious now). I find I'm more at the social/emotional level of someone perhaps 10 years younger. I have little to relate to with people my age, most of whom are well along in careers, families or long-term relationships, just farther along in life in general. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating, and would have little to offer a woman my age. I think I'd be better off with someone quite a bit younger than me, who I'd probably relate better with.
> 
> I say there's nothing wrong with that age gap, since the OP sounds a little like me in that he's several years behind his age.


I see your point, and there's nothing wrong the age gap in this situation. Like you, I don't have that much dating experience either. If I was at 33, I'd prefer a younger woman who's still in her reproductive prime since I desire to have a family someday, and because of your reasons. Even now, I'd still prefer (not necessarily require) someone younger.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Mysteriousvirgo said:


> Suppose a guy is like me, 33 years old (but regularly am mistaken for 25 or so), but very behind my peers due to PDD and Autism spectrum (which was more pronounced when I was younger, not so obvious now). I find I'm more at the social/emotional level of someone perhaps 10 years younger. I have little to relate to with people my age, most of whom are well along in careers, families or long-term relationships, just farther along in life in general. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating, and would have little to offer a woman my age. I think I'd be better off with someone quite a bit younger than me, who I'd probably relate better with.
> 
> I say there's nothing wrong with that age gap, since the OP sounds a little like me in that he's several years behind his age.


You're a little late to the game. Plus he already said he wasn't going to ask her out...
I simply told him _I_ wouldn't do it, and it wasn't solely based on the fact that he's about 8 years older but also because she's an employee and it'd be awkward for her. If you want to date a woman 10 years younger, then do so. I wouldn't date a man that much older at this point in my life because I don't think there'd be much to talk about. That's were my comment stemmed from.



BobtheSaint said:


> I see your point, and there's nothing wrong the age gap in this situation. Like you, I don't have that much dating experience either. If I was at 33, I'd prefer a younger woman who's still in her reproductive prime since I desire to have a family someday, and because of your reasons. Even now, I'd still prefer (not necessarily require) someone younger.


Good luck finding a woman 10 years younger when you're 33 who wants to start a family in her "prime birthing years." :lol


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

MaskOfSanity said:


> Lots of girls like older guys from a strictly physical standpoint. It's really, really common. I don't know why some of these women are getting crazy about it.


I think it's generally acknowledged that men prefer women who are a few years younger and women a few years older for men. Not set in stone but it is a noticeable trend. Maybe some women take it personal.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

MaskOfSanity said:


> Lots of girls like older guys from a strictly physical standpoint. It's really, really common. I don't know why some of these women are getting crazy about it.


I don't know where you got that idea, but if it makes you feel better about getting older, go with it.



gentleman caller said:


> *I think it's generally acknowledged that men prefer women who are a few years younger* and women a few years older for men. Not set in stone but it is a noticeable trend. Maybe some women take it personal.


Perhaps, but one can argue it's due to societal standards rather than biology. Darwinism will only get you so far and the theory is skewed since it doesn't apply to everyone. 
Why is it that any time a female commenter disagrees or comments against something in relation to other women it's automatically jealousy or because we take it personally? Same thing happened in the Kate Upton thread. Is this your idea that women are all raging, jealous *****es? If so, you need to get over that.


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Why is it that any time a female commenter disagrees or comments against something in relation to other women it's automatically jealousy or because we take it personally? Same thing happened in the Kate Upton thread. Is this your idea that women are all raging, jealous *****es? If so, you need to get over that.


I don't know where you got that idea. Jealousy could be a reason or not. It is one of many wonderful explanations why people do and say what they...do and say. Why do I get the feeling you are mistaking regular comments for malice intent?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

gentleman caller said:


> I don't know where you got that idea. Jealousy could be a reason or not. It is one of many wonderful explanations why people do and say what they...do and say. Why do I get the feeling you are mistaking regular comments for malice intent?


It definitely could be the reason, but for you it's always the primary reason or go-to explanation. 
I'm not taking it as malicious, at least not against me. Simply as telling of you.


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> It definitely could be the reason, but for you it's always the primary reason or go-to explanation.
> I'm not taking it as malicious, at least not against me. Simply as telling of you.


You could tell who I am strictly from two posts on an internet message board? I thought even living with someone for years you never really get to truly know a person. You must have some kind of crazy ability to decipher personalities from text based communication. What's your secret?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

gentleman caller said:


> You could tell who I am strictly from two posts on an internet message board? I thought even living with someone for years you never really get to truly know a person. You must have some kind of crazy ability to decipher personalities from text based communication. What's your secret?


Yes, by using the word "telling" I meant I knew everything about you, not that it's revealing of certain things. Nice reading of the word.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If you want to meet girls and your not approaching then your not going to get anywhere. Ideally, 3 approaches a day is a good start because it leaves room for rejection and success. Focusing on one approach for weeks only hinders what is a easy thing to do. I wouldn't of thought like this a while ago but I see it now.

Don't think about what to say, just do it. Get reference experiences and it will knock out your insecurities very fast. It's normal you approach what you want!


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> You're a little late to the game. Plus he already said he wasn't going to ask her out...
> I simply told him _I_ wouldn't do it, and it wasn't solely based on the fact that he's about 8 years older but also because she's an employee and it'd be awkward for her. If you want to date a woman 10 years younger, then do so. I wouldn't date a man that much older at this point in my life because I don't think there'd be much to talk about. That's were my comment stemmed from.
> 
> Good luck finding a woman 10 years younger when you're 33 who wants to start a family in her "prime birthing years." :lol


Since my dad has done it, I hope I can.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

BobtheSaint said:


> Since my dad has done it, I hope I can.


Times have changed. But hey, maybe you can find yourself a nice country girl who'll go for it.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Good luck finding a woman 10 years younger when you're 33 who wants to start a family in her "prime birthing years." :lol


She may not want a family but I can guarantee he can bang a heck of a lot of 20 year olds if he wanted to. People use age differences like it applies to everyone.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> She may not want a family *but I can guarantee he can bang a heck of a lot of 20 year olds if he wanted to*. People use age differences like it applies to everyone.


I don't see how this relates to... anything, really. Your comment is completely out of the blue. Please do explain if you'd like. But hey, he could bang a heck of a lot of 30 year olds as well.

Yes, people do use age differences in that way. That's why I made my comment that it's unlikely that simply because she's in her "prime birthing years" doesn't mean she'll want to have kids. Thanks for understanding that.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

bwidger85 said:


> If you want to meet girls and your not approaching then your not going to get anywhere. Ideally, 3 approaches a day is a good start because it leaves room for rejection and success. Focusing on one approach for weeks only hinders what is a easy thing to do. I wouldn't of thought like this a while ago but I see it now.
> 
> Don't think about what to say, just do it. Get reference experiences and it will knock out your insecurities very fast. It's normal you approach what you want!


Pretty true.


----------



## UgShy (Mar 6, 2012)

go for it!


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

bwidger85 said:


> If you want to meet girls and your not approaching then your not going to get anywhere. Ideally, 3 approaches a day is a good start because it leaves room for rejection and success. Focusing on one approach for weeks only hinders what is a easy thing to do. I wouldn't of thought like this a while ago but I see it now.
> 
> Don't think about what to say, just do it. Get reference experiences and it will knock out your insecurities very fast. It's normal you approach what you want!


This may work plenty, but there have been times where I didn't have to do any approaching. I just put myself in position to meet new people, and at one time or another, a girl did ask me out. I see nothing wrong with approaching (I may try that sometimes, but I'm too nervous to do it often). I don't know how it is for other guys, but not approaching didn't necessarily mean I was sunk. Your blogs are helpful reference BTW



AllToAll said:


> I don't see how this relates to... anything, really. Your comment is completely out of the blue. Please do explain if you'd like. But hey, he could bang a heck of a lot of 30 year olds as well.
> 
> Yes, people do use age differences in that way. That's why I made my comment that it's unlikely that simply because she's in her "prime birthing years" doesn't mean she'll want to have kids. Thanks for understanding that.


That is true, different people do have different intentions, of course.


----------



## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

My brother was 31 and his wife was 22 when they got married in 2004. They now have a 2 year old girl.


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

ravens said:


> My brother was 31 and his wife was 22 when they got married in 2004. They now have a 2 year old girl.


The risk of child development issues skyrocket as the mother enters her 30s and beyond. I don't think it's unreasonable to want a wife that is a few years younger regardless of how one opinionated person feels. Plain and simple there is nothing wrong with it and you shouldn't let someone shame you into thinking otherwise.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Paternal age also contributes to birth defects:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect



> The paternal age effect can refer to the statistical relationships of: (1) a man's age to sperm and semen abnormalities; (2) a man's age to his fertility; (3) a man's age to adverse pregnancy outcomes in his female partner (including miscarriage and fetal death); (4) a father's age at the birth of his offspring on the probability of an adverse birth outcome (such as low birthweight); or (5) a father's age at the birth of his offspring on the probability that the offspring will have a health-related condition (e.g., decreased intelligence), a specific disease (e.g., autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, Down syndrome, and schizophrenia), or risk of mortality, or social and other psychological end-points.
> 
> The genetic quality of sperm, as well as its volume and motility, all typically decrease with age.[1] Scientists have formulated at least two hypotheses to explain how paternal age might cause health effects.


http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/27/health/27sper.html?pagewanted=all



> Analyses of sperm samples from healthy men have found changes as men age, including increased fragmentation of DNA, and some studies outside the United States have noted increased rates of some cancers in children of older fathers.
> 
> Geneticists have been aware for decades that the risk of certain rare birth defects increases with the father's age. One of the most studied of these conditions is a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia, but the list also includes neurofibromatosis, the connective-tissues disorder Marfan syndrome, skull and facial abnormalities like Apert syndrome, and many other diseases and abnormalities.
> 
> ...


http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/06/health/06sper.html



> Using techniques that can detect DNA and chromosomal defects directly in sperm cells, the researchers examined the sperm of 97 healthy nonsmokers, ages 22 to 80. Compared with men in their 20's, those who were 40 to 49 had almost twice as much sperm DNA fragmentation, which is associated with failures of fertility, conception and sustained pregnancy.
> 
> "Our research suggests that men, too, have a biological time clock," said Brenda Eskenazi, one of two lead authors of the study and a professor of epidemiology at the School of Public Health at the University of California, Berkeley. *"But men seem to have a gradual rather than an abrupt change in the potential to produce healthy offspring."*
> 
> For the gene that causes dwarfism, researchers found a 2 percent increase in the frequency of the mutation for each year of increasing age. Those in their 40's were almost twice as likely as those in their 20's to produce sperm carrying the mutation. From age 60 to 80, the rate was more than three times as great as that of men in their 20's.


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100208/autism-risk-rises-with-mothers-age

The older a mother is when she gives birth, the higher her child's risk of autismhttp://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/, new data show. A smaller effect also is seen for the age of the father, but only when the child is born to a father over age 40 and a mother under age 30. So a father's age does matter but it has a much smaller influence than the mother's age and only is a factor when both parents are older.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

gentleman caller said:


> http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100208/autism-risk-rises-with-mothers-age
> 
> The older a mother is when she gives birth, the higher her child's risk of autismhttp://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/, new data show. A smaller effect also is seen for the age of the father, but only when the child is born to a father over age 40 and a mother under age 30. So a father's age does matter but it has a much smaller influence than the mother's age and only is a factor when both parents are older.


That is only for autism. Apparently paternal age is correlated with many different kinds of birth defects.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patern...ons_and_diseases_correlated_with_paternal_age


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

Yeah if you are pushing 50, regardless of sex you should have second thoughts about having kids. Also this thread really opened my eyes to how sensitive some people are about age. I thought it was common knowledge that men preferred younger women and women preferring older men.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

gentleman caller said:


> Yeah if you are pushing 50, regardless of sex you should have second thoughts about having kids. Also this thread really opened my eyes to how sensitive some people are about age. I thought it was common knowledge that men preferred younger women and women preferring older men.


I think women like men who are 2 or 3 years older, not 10 years older. If they date someone that much older, I would bet it's more likely because the guy has money.


----------



## gentleman caller (Feb 22, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I think women like men who are 2 or 3 years older, not 10 years older. If they date someone that much older, I would bet it's more likely because the guy has money.


I guess it's relative. A 10 year gap is noticeable if she's in her 20s. But if she is in her 30s or 40s the difference isn't that big of a deal.


----------



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

Apologies to revive a long dead and twisted-beyond-initial-recognition thread. I'm the original poster. Anyway....

I saw the girl in question as I got gas at the station with my younger sister the other day. Hadn't been there in many months. The girl behind the counter, quite a bit into ringing our transaction through the till said 'you two put me in a good mood when you're in, you both seem so cheerful!'. Me and my sister were kinda gobsmacked and kinda said thanks and laughed.

Any opinions?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

babylemonade said:


> Apologies to revive a long dead and twisted-beyond-initial-recognition thread. I'm the original poster. Anyway....
> 
> I saw the girl in question as I got gas at the station with my younger sister the other day. Hadn't been there in many months. The girl behind the counter, quite a bit into ringing our transaction through the till said 'you two put me in a good mood when you're in, you both seem so cheerful!'. Me and my sister were kinda gobsmacked and kinda said thanks and laughed.
> 
> Any opinions?


_*Ask her questions*. Say,_

"I never caught your name. What's your name?"

"How long have you worked here for? Do you enjoy it?"

"Does it stay busy here?"

"How's your day going?"

_*Introduce yourself* (preferably after one or two of those questions):_

"I'm ____ btw. Nice to meet you"

_*Small talk*_

_*Say your intent* (whenever you'd like [preferably after a small chit chat and before you leave]):_

"I see you here a lot and always thought you were pretty. Maybe you'd like to grab a drink/coffee sometime?"

"...Do you like to text?"

"...We should totally hang out sometime!"

"...What's your number? I'll call you sometime"

If she rejects you or says she has a BF then congratulations because you did everything right but it didn't bite. Keep doing the same to the women you want to meet and you'll find someone sooner than later. Don't worry about age because if your attracted to her then chances are she's attracted to you--it's biological not socially rational.


----------



## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

^^I like that dialogue.


----------



## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Honestly? I say don't do it.
> 
> You're a bit too old for her. She might just see you as another older guy hitting on her. When you work behind the counter you become accustomed to that. While it might be flattering at times, rarely does the person behind the counter take it seriously. You also don't have any solid basis to ask her out. There are tons of pretty girls all over the world, but you've resolved to ask one of the many who are paid to be nice?
> 
> *I'm not saying don't do it because she might say no, I'm saying you shouldn't do it because it will probably make her feel very uncomfortable if she's not into you.*


So? So then he gets turned down and life goas on... whats the problem?

You do realize most guys have to do this over and over and over or they would all be single right?


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Droidsteel said:


> So? So then he gets turned down and life goas on... whats the problem?
> 
> You do realize most guys have to do this over and over and over or they would all be single right?


Yeah, and the cute girl probably gets the same question asked over and over again. It's inappropriate, it could make her feel uncomfortable, and this thread is a couple of months old now; he said he wasn't going to do it.

I'm sorry I can't feel bad over how many time guys "need" to ask girls out. See, if you asked women out with whom you've had a conversation for more than five minutes and not just after you saw her pretty face, you probably wouldn't be getting turned down so often.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AllToAll said:


> Yeah, and the cute girl probably gets the same question asked over and over again. It's inappropriate, it could make her feel uncomfortable, and this thread is a couple of months old now; he said he wasn't going to do it.
> 
> I'm sorry I can't feel bad over how many time guys "need" to ask girls out. See, if you asked women out with whom you've had a conversation for more than five minutes and not just after you saw her pretty face, you probably wouldn't be getting turned down so often.


Not always. Long drawn out conversations dont do as much as people think, but it is better than a few words exchanged in most cases. However, given the circumstances its often more appropriate to keep the convo short util you have a better time to talk.


----------



## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

babylemonade said:


> Apologies to revive a long dead and twisted-beyond-initial-recognition thread. I'm the original poster. Anyway....
> 
> I saw the girl in question as I got gas at the station with my younger sister the other day. Hadn't been there in many months. The girl behind the counter, quite a bit into ringing our transaction through the till said 'you two put me in a good mood when you're in, you both seem so cheerful!'. Me and my sister were kinda gobsmacked and kinda said thanks and laughed.
> 
> Any opinions?


Go for it! Build a little connection and go from there.

I know cashiers are supposed to be friendly to their customers but if she's enjoying the interactions between the two of you then she might be interested. I don't think I've talked to a cashier more than the usual hi's, hello's or how's your day? kinda talks.



AllToAll said:


> Yeah, and the cute girl probably gets the same question asked over and over again. It's inappropriate, it could make her feel uncomfortable...


She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable the way he described the situation. Seems as though she's the one initiating the chat.


----------



## babylemonade (Nov 24, 2011)

foe said:


> Go for it! Build a little connection and go from there.
> 
> I know cashiers are supposed to be friendly to their customers but if she's enjoying the interactions between the two of you then she might be interested. I don't think I've talked to a cashier more than the usual hi's, hello's or how's your day? kinda talks.
> 
> She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable the way he described the situation. Seems as though she's the one initiating the chat.


Thanks for all the positive comments and suggestions!

That's the thing- she's initiating and seems to want to talk to me/us. My confidence is so shot I can't tell if she's being nice or wanting to talk more. Moreover, my confidence is so bad that I can't believe someone like her would want to talk to me.


----------



## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Yeah, and the cute girl probably gets the same question asked over and over again. It's inappropriate, it could make her feel uncomfortable, and this thread is a couple of months old now; he said he wasn't going to do it.
> 
> I'm sorry I can't feel bad over how many time guys "need" to ask girls out. See, if you asked women out with whom you've had a conversation for more than five minutes and not just after you saw her pretty face, you probably *wouldn't be getting turned down so often.*


No... EVEYONE goes through rejection no matter what they do, the only difference with that idea would be it would take longer to find someone, because its not often you get introduced to someone you will be able to have long conversations with. Especially with SA.

Its not like the girl has to go on a date with him by law... what the hell is so emotionally unbearable about being asked out???


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Droidsteel said:


> No... EVEYONE goes through rejection no matter what they do, the only difference with that idea would be it would take longer to find someone, because its not often you get introduced to someone you will be able to have long conversations with. Especially with SA.
> 
> Its not like the girl has to go on a date with him by law... what the hell is so emotionally unbearable about being asked out???


At the defense of some women, they may in fact be "bothered" by getting hit on a lot, but i would bet its mainly because guys are weird about it and make it awkward and uncomfortable for the girl. When you look at it from a positive light, its more of a compliment to a girl, whats so bad about that? Just be sincere and take into consideration the girls feelings and youll probably flatter them before you make them upset. Its not a big deal and if ur nice and chill about it then so will she. Look at it like your a friendly social guy who just talks to ppl.... even if u fake it till u make it


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

foe said:


> She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable the way he described the situation. Seems as though she's the one initiating the chat.


She's being nice. She's paid to provide good customer service. The fact that she initiates the conversation doesn't say much under the circumstances.



Droidsteel said:


> No... EVEYONE goes through rejection no matter what they do, the only difference with that idea would be it would take longer to find someone, because its not often you get introduced to someone you will be able to have long conversations with. Especially with SA.
> 
> Its not like the girl has to go on a date with him by law... what the hell is so emotionally unbearable about being asked out???


Yes, but it wouldn't be a constant thing if you actually got to know the person before you asked him/her out.

He asked if he should ask her out. I wrote that *I thought* it would be inappropriate and that it might make her feel uncomfortable. *I* gave my two cents. *I* never said don't do it.

I also never said it was "emotionally unbearable." I wrote that it might make her feel uncomfortable. She's paid to provide good customer service. If she's not interested she might not know how to say no without making him feel bad. THAT'S why it might make her feel uncomfortable. Not to mention this might not be the first time, so he might come off as an ***.

FYI, to everyone who keeps commenting: This post is OLD. He already said he wasn't going to ask her out. The advice everyone keeps posting is useless.


----------



## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

what do you have to lose??


----------



## cold fission cure (Aug 31, 2010)

try a visualization. you have an invisible basketball. imagine bouncing it like an all-star. there is an invisible imagined basket overhead. you shoot. score! you make every single shot! every time you throw the basketball it goes in the basket! you're a pro! now for the realization. the basketball player is you. the basket is the gas station girl. and the basketball is your words. time to go make some baskets!


----------

