# fantasies about getting beat up



## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.

It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.

Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

Lol, never had that. But I fantasize about helping someone that getting beat up by a ton of bullies with sticks and bats and such! Hopefully if that ever happens to you, I will be there to help! But then your fantasy won't be realized...sorry for being so selfish.


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## paperdreams (Jun 28, 2012)

I kind of something similar. I cut, usually when I do is when I feel like a solution to my suffering is nowhere insight. When I feel driven into a wall by frustration. Part of the underlying motivation is the desire for a fast, easy, solution that I can be sure of. I fantasize about family members or friends finding the cuts and taking notice to them. There's this hope in my head that people will start taking on my problems so it won't be so hard on me, and so that I can trust that they make sure something happens. Or that I can at least count on their help and support.

Without that I feel lost and alone. I can never be sure if I am going in the right direction or that I can ever overcome my problems. And nobody in my life seems to realize the gravity of my situation.

I've even fantasized about committing unsuccessful suicide. I wouldn't, of course, there is a part of me that would never want to hurt the people who care about me like that. But, its just that desire, my fantasies seem so appealing.

Can you relate to any of this?

(I'm not trying to glorify cutting for anyone who reads this) It doesn't solve any problems, getting into it may just make your situation worse. I wish I didn't do it.


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## applesauce5482 (Apr 26, 2012)

No, I fantasize the opposite. Like getting in a fight, then beating the heck out of them, but only in self defense.


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## paperdreams (Jun 28, 2012)

Another thing I want to add:

I also get different fantasies at other times. The fantasy is not specific, it only ever pops up when I'm at my most emotionally distraught, so I'm not exactly thinking coherently. I just imagine myself getting hurt, beaten I guess, because the kind of hurt I imagine is of blunt objects hitting me. I never imagine how I am beaten, I just imagine, the pain, the feeling, and the bruises. I look at myself already twisted and broken in my state and just wish for more self destruction. I'm unsure what this mentality is about. It could be self hatred from all the pain I am unable to stop causing myself. It could also just be angry frustration that I need direct towards something. It might be self pity/defeat. Or all three. (I'm thinking the first one sounds like the biggest contributer.)


At times when I feel suicidal I always get flashes in my mind of me stabbing myself in the stomach with a kitchen knife. It helps me get some sort of release. Like the urge is fulfilled in some way.


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## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

paperdreams said:


> Another thing I want to add:
> 
> I also get different fantasies at other times. The fantasy is not specific, it only ever pops up when I'm at my most emotionally distraught, so I'm not exactly thinking coherently. I just imagine myself getting hurt, beaten I guess, because the kind of hurt I imagine is of blunt objects hitting me. I never imagine how I am beaten, I just imagine, the pain, the feeling, and the bruises. I look at myself already twisted and broken in my state and just wish for more self destruction. I'm unsure what this mentality is about. It could be self hatred from all the pain I am unable to stop causing myself. It could also just be angry frustration that I need direct towards something. It might be self pity/defeat. Or all three. (I'm thinking the first one sounds like the biggest contributer.)


Yeah, this sounds pretty familiar to me too. When something is really bothering me in my life, or especially if I remember something embarrassing that happened, I'll flash to an image of something horrifically violent, like me getting tied to the back of a car and dragged on the freeway at high speed. It's usually very quick and very intense. I definitely think it's about unreleased anger, but also I think I'm trying to use this image to push the more difficult, more personal pain out of my head. It's a kind of escape.

The thing about getting beat up is a bit different, I think, because in that fantasy it's important that people are _watching_ it happen to me.

I've never cut, except one time in high school. I think I was just experimenting because I had a friend who I knew did it.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Nothing nearly as extreme as yours, but I sometimes think about what if I were injured, and how others would react. I tend to self-injure either to get bruises, or interfere with the healing of injuries, for example, picking at scabs or blisters so they bleed and scar. I kind of have this hope that people will see me limping or whatever and will think I must be strong to be able to deal with that pain without complaint.

Long ago I was walking around in the woods with my brother, who was in the Army. My sandals were not made for walking and my ankles were blistering. This was actually not anything new to me. And then the blisters started bleeding. My brother was walking behind me and saw this. When we joined my other relatives, he said, "She was walking with her blisters bleeding and everything. Hardcore!"

That was around 2001 or 2002, but I still remember it, even though he's likely long forgotten. It felt so good for somebody big and tough like my brother to comment on how strong I must be to deal with such pain (even though it was just blisters). :blush

When I didn't get blisters the next time I wore the sandals, I was actually disappointed! And I liked that they were stained black in the back from the blood...it was like a badge of honor of my suffering, or something. I hated washing all the dirt and blood and whatnot off my feet; I actually took a picture of them. ops (Never shared it though, I don't believe in sharing pics of injuries.) After these walking trips, I like the various aches and pains I have, like I've accomplished something.

I notice that in my fiction writing, I regularly have my characters badly beaten up, injured, whatever...just seems to make them seem stronger or something, I don't know, I don't thoroughly understand.

I'm not a masochist by any means. I guess I just have this hope that people will see me physically hurting and find me strong, as opposed to when they see me in mental anguish and tend to ignore me or tell me to get over it.

Probably not the same as what you're talking about, but figured I'd share. :stu


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## Lenfer cest les autres (Jul 21, 2010)

Yeah I can relate to pretty much everything you said. I often have fantasies about other people watching me in pain. Recently I was day dreaming and a fantasy popped into my head of being maimed in a car accident (weird I know). people walking by can see me, and people I know happen to pass by. Its somewhat different but kind of the same thing the most important part is that people can see me. I also have violent images pop into my head (usually suicide fantasies) when I feel sad, depressed or embarrassed. Its not because I really want to kill myself or get hurt, but it just distracts me from the emotional pain. I think it has a great deal to do with the fact that I'm usually ignored and I feel so invisible out in public.  I was kind of ashamed of this before I read your post. it made me feel like such a freak but Im glad at least one other person has experienced this.


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## Zerix (Jan 21, 2012)

321kyle said:


> No, I fantasize the opposite. Like getting in a fight, then beating the heck out of them, but only in self defense.


Yeah me too... or helping someone that's getting beat up! Haha.. I dunno, sometimes I really do wish I got in a serious street fight, cause I never have...


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Like TrcyMcgrdy1 said, I'm usually the one kicking *** in my fantasies. But occasionally I'll fantasize about being the injured one. I think it more so has to do with the desire of being loved enough to be taken care of rather than the actual desire for pain. A part of me wants attention and I guess I feel like the only way I deserve it is if I need medical intervention. And although I don't necessarily fantasize injury for the sake of people thinking me strong, like Tehuti88 said, I admit that I secretly love it when that happens in real life. People think I'm crazy when I'm grinning ear-to-ear with blood rolling down my leg or something. And then like paperdreams mentioned, I have cutting and suicide fantasies more often than not during my depressive episodes.........Damn, I really daydream way too often.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Zerix said:


> Yeah me too... or helping someone that's getting beat up! Haha.. I* dunno, sometimes I really do wish I got in a serious street fight, cause I never have...*


Same. I've never fought anyone. Ever...

Speaking of getting hurt, back when I was severely depressed, I would imagine a sniper shooting me. Like I wanted it to happen...


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## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


Were you ever the victim of such abuse before?


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## paperdreams (Jun 28, 2012)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> Speaking of getting hurt, back when I was severely depressed, I would imagine a sniper shooting me. Like I wanted it to happen...


That sounds a bit like my fantasy with the kitchen knife


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## paperdreams (Jun 28, 2012)

tehuti88 said:


> Nothing nearly as extreme as yours, but I sometimes think about what if I were injured, and how others would react. I tend to self-injure either to get bruises, or interfere with the healing of injuries, for example, picking at scabs or blisters so they bleed and scar. I kind of have this hope that people will see me limping or whatever and will think I must be strong to be able to deal with that pain without complaint.
> 
> Long ago I was walking around in the woods with my brother, who was in the Army. My sandals were not made for walking and my ankles were blistering. This was actually not anything new to me. And then the blisters started bleeding. My brother was walking behind me and saw this. When we joined my other relatives, he said, "She was walking with her blisters bleeding and everything. Hardcore!"
> 
> ...


I feel something slightly similar. I want to endure emotional pain because it makes me seem stronger. Its the kind of thing that makes a person seem admirable or interesting, a "tortured soul". Its a quality I want to be a part of my persona. This might be negative, I haven't really analyzed it yet but I can see how it could make me possibly masochistic, giving me something akin to a persecution complex or something :|. It does however inspire bravery, the desire to be a strong person builds courage to tackle my problems.

This isn't any kind of ongoing thing, it comes and goes. Your post just reminded me of it.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

Lol, actually mine is the other way around. People with sticks, chains, and knives all attack me and I handle them all in front of everybody, no help. Then i sit down and have a beer.:bat


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## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

Luctor said:


> Were you ever the victim of such abuse before?


I was beaten on by bullies in school occasionally. Never to the point of broken bones, and there was a lot more verbal/mental abuse than actual violence. But yeah, that probably has something to do with this.


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## Luctor (Aug 10, 2012)

Might be PTSD.


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## AnimeV (Jun 11, 2010)

Lol, no. If you got beat with baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains you'd probably be dead of have some serious brain damage. Like some above have said, I sometimes imagine myself getting in a fight and winning.


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## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

It could be that you want others to know about your suffering or that you feel like a victim who was wronged in an undeserving, cruel way and want others to empathize with you.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

fire mage64 said:


> It could be that you want others to know about your suffering or that you feel like a victim who was wronged in an undeserving, cruel way and want others to empathize with you.


This is what I thought but I was too afraid to say it, lmao.


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## ourwater (Jun 2, 2012)

I would be cautious if this is PTSD. Mine has gotten like this, and so bad that I violently lashed out at my friend when he woke me up and he had to defend himself.


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## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

InfiniteBlaze said:


> This is what I thought but I was too afraid to say it, lmao.


Too afraid? How come?


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

fire mage64 said:


> Too afraid? How come?


Didn't want to come off as a wanna be psychologist who didn't know what he was taking about.


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## fire mage64 (Jun 20, 2011)

InfiniteBlaze said:


> Didn't want to come off as a wanna be psychologist who didn't know what he was taking about.


Nah... You're just trying to help. Its okay to share your opinion. You've never come off as that type!


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures (Nov 24, 2011)

Why actually,yes. :um. Often on those days when I just hate all people. I guess the attraction is that life would be put on hold, nothing else would matter; no responsibilities etc, no stress, no anxiety. Not dissimilar from my serious-illness fantasies.

This must sound really strange. I do fantasize about all sorts of possible scenarios for the day though, good bad and just bizzare.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I would look into dream analysis.


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## Xenos (Jun 24, 2012)

InfiniteBlaze said:


> fire mage64 said:
> 
> 
> > It could be that you want others to know about your suffering or that you feel like a victim who was wronged in an undeserving, cruel way and want others to empathize with you.
> ...


Don't be. I actually think it's probably right.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am terrified of being harmed. So yeah, I understand where you are coming from.

I used to avoid going out to places because of this, but I don't do that anymore. I still am fearing being attacked for no reason, though.


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## bottleofblues (Aug 6, 2008)

I fantasise sometimes about beating people in a fight, (people who deserved it) although i despise violence. In reality i'd probably get my assed kicked.


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## itsjustin (Oct 21, 2011)

I fantasize about getting gang-raped and abused.

I don't wish rape on anyone and it is a digusting, horrible thing... but I can't get over wanting it done to me. I think it's what I deserve, anyway.


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## Special (May 27, 2012)

I have a fantasy that is the opposite of this one.
It's a fantasy where I'm walking down the street and people are making fun of me then I beat the crap out of them.

I've also had a fantasy where I was this scientist who invented powerful bombs and spread them throughout the world.
I explode some of them and destroy half of the world, 
then there are bombs in the remaining half and 
everybody does what I say and I rule the world or else it's BOOM....


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## Special (May 27, 2012)

itsjustin said:


> I fantasize about getting gang-raped and abused.
> 
> I don't wish rape on anyone and it is a digusting, horrible thing... but I can't get over wanting it done to me. I think it's what I deserve, anyway.


If it's hot girls raping me then I wouldn't mind


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

itsjustin said:


> I fantasize about getting gang-raped and abused.
> 
> I don't wish rape on anyone and it is a digusting, horrible thing... but I can't get over wanting it done to me. I think it's what I deserve, anyway.


Goodness, this makes me sad.


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## pita (Jan 17, 2004)

When I was really unhappy (and I don't think I even knew I was so unhappy at the time) I used to ask my boyfriend to kick the crap out of me. Lucky for me, he never complied.

For me (and this may not be the case for you), I think it was all about needing to actually see and feel the pain, or something like that.


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## emilyteitsworth (Aug 28, 2012)

I totally fantasize about getting beat up. It's weird, like my mind is always coming up with these horrible scenarios about death or pain. It is horrible and yet I love doing it. It's almost as if I can't help it.


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## Zerix (Jan 21, 2012)

Let's take this a step further...

Anyone also fantasize about not only getting beat up, but actually getting killed? And how different life would maybe be for everyone, who would cry, who would show up at your funeral, what happens next... ?


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## Quinn the Eskimo (Jan 22, 2012)

i think we can all relate to wanting other people to see how much we suffer

but ive never wanted to get beat up.


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## fonz (Oct 15, 2008)

Never what the OP is talking about but yes,I've had sexual fantasies about getting my butt kicked by a hot girl


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Zerix said:


> Let's take this a step further...
> 
> Anyone also fantasize about not only getting beat up, but actually getting killed? And how different life would maybe be for everyone, who would cry, who would show up at your funeral, what happens next... ?


I sometimes think about my funeral. Mostly about how I can imagine that my parents and maybe my brother and his family, if they could make the trip up from Georgia, would be the only ones to attend.

And then about how sad my parents would be but how much better off, ultimately. How the wild birds and my cat would be the only ones worse off, for me not feeding the former anymore and not being around for the latter. And how my one online friend would probably be the only one to really notice and care, and how everyone else I ever interacted with might briefly wonder, "Whatever happened to Tehuti/Rachel...?" and then lose all interest and move on.

That's the only reasonable outcome I can imagine.

Seriously, the only beings I imagine being very adversely affected by my absence are the wild birds I feed. Many days they're the only reason I get up in the morning. Sorry for the derailment, that's what I honestly think about my death. :stu


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## paperdreams (Jun 28, 2012)

pita said:


> When I was really unhappy (and I don't think I even knew I was so unhappy at the time) I used to ask my boyfriend to kick the crap out of me. Lucky for me, he never complied.
> 
> For me (and this may not be the case for you), I think it was all about needing to actually see and feel the pain, or something like that.


That's an interesting way of looking at it. Sometimes I feel really confused by how invisible my struggle is for how much heart-ache it causes me.


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## ChildInTime (Sep 1, 2012)

Sounds a bit like obssesive thoughts. 
I have a long history with those do mine do get scarey at some point..
I had that idea that things around me would go "paranormal" and things like knifes and other sharp objects would randomly end up in me..after those thoughts i started to hide all kind of knifes..even in the kitchen if there was a knife pointing its tip on me i would turn it around.

Basicly what ive come up with ..if i reathink things to a dead state i will start to get all kind of ideas that would just simmer in my head like a seed of weed growing wild to be a obsessive thought


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## jmercado3 (Sep 29, 2012)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


Well another person was beat mocked and flogged and that was our Lord Jesus Christ who suffered a painful death. He was so innocent lacking sin and all of a sudden the people of Isreal kept saying "crucify him" "crucify him". And he kept telling everyone that he was going to be handed over and beat up and even crucified yet know one believed him. Lord forgive them for they do not know what they do. It seems like to be perfect like Christ means to be mocked whipped beaten humiliated torchured and even suffer. It so sad that the Devil will deceive many looking like this very handsome guy while poor Jesus Christ suffered for being nice and yet the people who were not saved followed Satan and thought he was the nicest guy. He will deceive many. Try to think of when Christ was beaten and put yourself in his shoes. I hope Jesus helps you get through your fear of getting beat up. Read some Bible verses on fear and the lord will help you get through them. God bless and good luck to u.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

jmercado3 said:


> Well another person was beat mocked and flogged and that was our Lord Jesus Christ who suffered a painful death. He was so innocent lacking sin and all of a sudden the people of Isreal kept saying "crucify him" "crucify him". And he kept telling everyone that he was going to be handed over and beat up and even crucified yet know one believed him. Lord forgive them for they do not know what they do. It seems like to be perfect like Christ means to be mocked whipped beaten humiliated torchured and even suffer. It so sad that the Devil will deceive many looking like this very handsome guy while poor Jesus Christ suffered for being nice and yet the people who were not saved followed Satan and thought he was the nicest guy. He will deceive many. Try to think of when Christ was beaten and put yourself in his shoes. I hope Jesus helps you get through your fear of getting beat up. Read some Bible verses on fear and the lord will help you get through them. God bless and good luck to u.


:| ...


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## MollyAmins (Sep 25, 2012)

I fantasize about getting beat up, but it's less detailed than this. I just imagine what it would feel like. How alive I would feel from it. Getting out of the torture of my life. Yeah, sounds about right.


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## Mlochail (Jul 11, 2012)

jmercado3 said:


> well another person was beat mocked and flogged and that was our lord jesus christ who suffered a painful death. He was so innocent lacking sin and all of a sudden the people of isreal kept saying "crucify him" "crucify him". And he kept telling everyone that he was going to be handed over and beat up and even crucified yet know one believed him. Lord forgive them for they do not know what they do. It seems like to be perfect like christ means to be mocked whipped beaten humiliated torchured and even suffer. It so sad that the devil will deceive many looking like this very handsome guy while poor jesus christ suffered for being nice and yet the people who were not saved followed satan and thought he was the nicest guy. He will deceive many. Try to think of when christ was beaten and put yourself in his shoes. I hope jesus helps you get through your fear of getting beat up. Read some bible verses on fear and the lord will help you get through them. God bless and good luck to u.


blasphemy!


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## Cykey (Oct 21, 2012)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


YES! And I thought I was the only one. Mine often involves a rescue as well, but the violence in the fantasy actually calms me. I've had it for as long as I can remember, but would like to find a way to get rid of it.


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## MoonForge (Sep 15, 2012)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


Yes i can, i've run through scenarios like that for as long as i've known o_o But its almost part of a collection of scenarios, i'm always thinking about what if this happens and what will i do, so i can relate to a degree, i have the urge more to actually beat up bullies and stomp them into the pavement, but yeah even after 4 years of going outside every day for a 2 hour walk, nobody has ever physically attacked me : o And if it helps, we're not ignoring you


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

I've had dreams about getting in fights before; sometimes I'm the hero who saves some victim or sometimes just to stand up against a bunch of jerks. Other times I dream about getting beat up myself. 

When I was little, around 6 or so, I started having nightmares about being tortured in various ways (anxiety/shyness started for me in 1st grade, when my teacher would pick on me in class and say degrading things about how I couldn't read, etc). After a while, in around late elementary school, I started purposely trying to have these dreams and would think up new scenarios about torture/public humiliation....(of course not sexually; I had no idea what the heck sex was when I was that young). 

Back in middle school and even now, I still try to have these dreams, but not as much. I don't know why I force myself to imagine these things, either. I can theorize it's partly because I want pity (I imagine spectators, even people I know watching me suffer without doing anything to help me) and also just because gore/violence generally intrigues me. 

You might want to try a psychologist/therapist, although I don't really see how these fantasies are very harmful/important enough to deal with in comparison to other problems :/


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## Cheskey (Jul 6, 2012)

I fantasies about getting hurt in front of people, showing up bloody, cutting in front of people, parasuicide and such.
I think it's some sort of attention thing- we crave for people to know how much we're hurting and turn it into a physical thing. All I can say is that since mum found out about my cutting and suicide attempt the suicidal thoughts have gone away somewhat.
idkw ehre I'm going with this sorry


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## scaredtolive (Mar 19, 2009)

I often fantisize about getting beat up. But in my fantasy I eventually get the **** be out of me but it takes like 3 or 4 guys to eventually get me down and I get my licks in so they come out out bleeding as well


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I've had fantasies of being beat up, hit and bloodied for a very long time, since childhood. I can't pinpoint any specific reason for them, like psychologically. I guess I just put it down as me being a masochist. I don't see a problem with it.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I have similar thoughts, though mine are usually involving being in a bad car accident. Perhaps it is the thought of being helpless and perhaps also the attention one would receive post the event? Could be due to wanting to feel like people do care, and that would be the only way it could happen in your mind, to be badly injured.


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Yes but only because I really like hospitals and desperately want to spend a few days in one. I know it sounds horrible but I just love hospitals so much.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


Hi Xenos. Yes, I have had these same fantasies, though that's not quite the right term as I have no desire for this to happen. Just one of those automatic responses due to trauma. I don't have this problem anymore, so hopefully you won't either, with the passage of time, unless you sort of want this to happen. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by your post.

I didn't read the thread because I don't want to rehash this stuff and carry it around with me.


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## Mbtx (Jun 26, 2017)

Xenos said:


> Has anyone else experienced anything like this? For the past couple months I've had this obsession with the idea that I'll be walking down the street and a bunch of people will suddenly run up to me and start beating me with sticks, baseball bats, pipes, bicycle chains and things like that. They'll kick me and laugh and say horrible things to me. Always in public, with lots of people watching, but they're too scared and stunned to help. Then the attackers leave and I'm left broken and bloody on the sidewalk.
> 
> It's like somehow I wish this would happen. It's not a sexual thing at all. I think it's about having some horrible victimizing experience that transports me out of the regular day-to-day torture of my life. And it's about other people having to watch me suffer, because I feel ignored by the world most of the time.
> 
> Anyway, I've just been noticing this going on in my head and was wondering if anyone can relate.


I can definitely relate to this. I have been having these fantasies since I was young. That and having the heavy side of a slegehammer dropped on my head as I'm laying down. When I think about these things I get goosebumps and there's a release in my mind and I usually exhale. The pictures in my head of myself being killed and harmed, but never of me harming myself directly, relaxes me. There have been times when I'm up crying unable to sleep then I imagine these things and my body finally relaxes and I pass out. I'm glad others experience this as well. I feel like a freak. In my fantasies about getting beaten, no one is ever watching it while it's happening. Sometimes I picture people watching a video of it happening when I'm already dead or something like that. I think I glorify being a martyr but I come from a narcisstic parent and all of my feelings were never validated growing up, no matter what they were. I also feel like my pain is ignored or misunderstood.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Sort of lol. When im mad.


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## Mbtx (Jun 26, 2017)

paperdreams said:


> pita said:
> 
> 
> > When I was really unhappy (and I don't think I even knew I was so unhappy at the time) I used to ask my boyfriend to kick the crap out of me. Lucky for me, he never complied.
> ...


Yes exactly. I would ask people to tear me down and tell me everything that is wrong with me when I get severely depressed. But I would never ask anyone to physically hurt me, I ALWAYS thought to do that though. I just wanted my pain to be seen. I was always told growing up that I was overreacting and being selfish and ungrateful bc I was unhappy all the time and anxious. I have always wanted people to SEE my pain and what it feels like so maybe they could relate.


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Mbtx said:


> I can definitely relate to this. I have been having these fantasies since I was young. That and having the heavy side of a slegehammer dropped on my head as I'm laying down. When I think about these things I get goosebumps and there's a release in my mind and I usually exhale. The pictures in my head of myself being killed and harmed, but never of me harming myself directly, relaxes me. There have been times when I'm up crying unable to sleep then I imagine these things and my body finally relaxes and I pass out. I'm glad others experience this as well. I feel like a freak. In my fantasies about getting beaten, no one is ever watching it while it's happening. Sometimes I picture people watching a video of it happening when I'm already dead or something like that. I think I glorify being a martyr but I come from a narcisstic parent and all of my feelings were never validated growing up, no matter what they were. I also feel like my pain is ignored or misunderstood.


I feel like my feelings arent validated either. Its frustrating isnt it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

No I only daydream about saving people from that kind of situation, or defending myself, or (less often,) attacking people who pissed me off.


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

I have fantasy of the total opposite.


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## Alice13 (Jun 26, 2017)

Yeah Ive felt just likethat. a lot. For some reason I find being the victim really um... satisfying.... I've never admitted it but it's true


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

I guess the reason why people feel satisfied from feeling victimized is because they feel like their feelings are validated. They feel like their problemx are validated.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I am the opposite. I have fantasies about beating someone up in a fight, in self-defense.

With my twig-arms that is unlikely to happen in real life. I would probably be killed if I tried. :lol


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