# going to college but not living like a college student



## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

I actually measured myself today

As soon as I left the house, I wanted to see if I talk to anyone

well the results came out negative, I only talked to the cashier when I ordered my food. I ate the food alone and I always walk around alone. I sit alone in classes. I study alone
Then I came home. Let me remind you, I was on campus for nearly 6 hours and I didn't utter a word to anybody. (not saying that I know many people)

I'm not involved on anything and a part of me wants to change that... but other part of me just wants to get this college thing over with

I actually have a couple more years so I'll wait and see what happens

I see people eating in groups, studying in groups, laughing and hanging out sitting in the grass having conversations and I sit on the side on the bench alone :lol


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

I know, I do the same thing. But really, if you look around, there are others doing the same thing. I've been able to convince myself that it's not so much SA as it is just people "minding their own business." Like, they're too busy and "mature" for social pursuits. 

xoxo
Maggi


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## lyssado707 (Oct 29, 2004)

I get jealous when I see people hanging out together too. Not if they're acting all stupid and immature though cuz that's not what I want to be.


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## Guest (Apr 15, 2006)

That picture quote of yours is all too true for me

I get so lost in the daily grind of schoolwork i find it really hard to talk to people.....alot of the people I talk to never really develop into much i terms of relationships, I dunno. I know it's all me though, I don't put myself out there as much as I should, I feel tired most of the day.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

That's basically how I was when I was in college. I bet I went an entire week sometimes without saying a single word to anyone on campus. I'd just go to class and sit there without saying a word to anyone around me, then leave after class and go back to my one bedroom apartment. ...didn't go out on Friday and Saturday nights...nothing. 

The warm weather of today reminds me of something. When it got this warm, everyone used to come out of woodwork and party. Everywhere I looked people were in groups having a good time...barbequing outside their apartments, listening to music, playing that "washer/beanbag" game, and just overall having a fun time. I really wish I could've been a part of that college experience.


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## sparkations (Nov 26, 2003)

My university is so large, and everyone is pretty much cold to each other. I find it near impossible to meet any new people on campus, so I don't talk to anyone, because I don't know anyone on campus from my highschool. Whenever I'm eating by myself and I see people hanging out in a group, I start to feel jealous as well, but I really don't see how it's possible for me to actually meet the students here and develop my own circle of friends, not because of SA, but because this university has so many students.


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## winduptoy (Jun 21, 2005)

Yeah, I've done that too. There are some days when I don't utter a word to anyone and it just seems so weird (compared with others I mean, it's normal for me).


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## ShyLight (Jun 19, 2004)

onlylordknows said:


> I ate the food alone and I always walk around alone. I sit alone in classes. I study alone...
> 
> I see people eating in groups, studying in groups, laughing and hanging out sitting in the grass having conversations and I sit on the side on the bench alone :lol


Yeha i can relate to this. In school much of the time i am by myself and then it hits me how lonely i am when i see group of students laughing and having fun.

But when i chat a bit with someone it does make me feel less lonely even if its for that moment. I don't have like a group to hang out with. The people that i know are spread everywhere in school. So most of the time its one on one with a friend but no groups to hang out with.

opcorn opcorn


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## ghostgurl (Sep 20, 2004)

I'm the same way. I could go days at school without saying a word.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

i'm pretty sure that i've gone months without talking to anyone i didn't live with. i feel like i've wasted one of the best opportunities i'll ever have to meet people and make friends. it hasn't happened and i should have graduated years ago.


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## blushxbarton20 (Apr 17, 2006)

yeah i know how everyone feels. i want to be more involved on campus...but i feel so disconnected. most of my close friends dont even go to my university. i feel like the only way to make myself known on campus is to do stuff there...but i only wish i had someone at least one person like me so that we could support eachother in these pursuits!


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## Vade (Mar 11, 2006)

I'm in exactly the same position as you are, OLK. I always heard that college was supposed to be the best time of your life and so on, but so far (I'm a freshman in my third quarter) it's actually been the worst time of my life, and the loneliest. I've had to deal with so many conflicting emotions during the last year or so and it's making me _extremely_ miserable and depressed. I've been seeing a psychologist and taking Paxil for a few months now, but I seem to be getting worse by the day. I can only have faith that someday I will be "normal".


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

*better than high soolch*

I guess on the bright side it is easier to be more discrete where in high school people comment on how you dont talk to anyone all day long...other people dont know ou or at least dont know what you were doing/who you were talking to or not talking to that day!

I am trying to focus my energy on one or two people I think are interesting/cool/nice people that I want to become better friends with. If I dont establish who I want to make connections with and what my goals are for friendships I get way overwhelmed and confused and end up not talking to anyone and having no friends.

School wears me out and social events/encounters wear me out so during the day I just try t focus on the task at hand.


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## Whimsy (Mar 16, 2006)

eerr..well I had a professor tell me i'm not the typical college student. I'm quiet until I see my friends then we talk and stuff. Out side of school well I go out with my friend to see his band...lol he says i'm a groupie haha. But i'm not a big party person (I don't drink...dun dun dun!! lol) and I much perfer to hang out at my friends house and watch tv and stuff.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

Oh god this thread is gonna make me cry.


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## Nym (Nov 22, 2005)

I don't know, sometimes I kind of like being able to spend the day by myself. I've found before that when I spend time with others, we have to follow their schedule and stuff, and I usually end up getting less done. It's easier to do what you want when you're by yourself. I dunno, maybe I'm just naturally antisocial. :lol


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## Softy785 (Apr 16, 2006)

I can relate. People say that the college years should be the best years of your lives. I've gone to a small Christian university for three years now and i have yet to make one real friend there. Its sad cuz the college i go to is so close-knit and the people are so friendly. I get so jealous sometimes when I see everybody else eating lunch or hanging out between classes in groups, part of me wishes I could have that too


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I pretty much wasted my college years


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## lohu (May 11, 2006)

I am the same way OLK, it wasn't until this year (im a senior) that i started talking to people at my university. The worst was my freshman year, i lived in the dorms and my roommate was a friend from high school, but she had to move out after the first semester, so i had a room to myself in the dorms and i never spoke to anyone else who lived there. I think that semester was the worst of my life, i was completely surrounded by people all the time, yet always completely alone. 

The people i talk to now in class i did projects with in previous classes, or they are a friend of a friend. I really haven't made any actual friends in college, but i meet my fiance so it is not all bad (we didn't meet in class though, but through my friend from high school). 

Now as i am graduating, i wish i had taken advantage of this opportunity to meet people my own age, im sure there will never be a better chance in my life, but i just can not engage people i do not know! I am really jealous of people that just start talking to each other in class like they are old friends, i feel like everyone else knows something, or has something that i don't, they just seem so confident.


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## nairam (Jun 9, 2006)

unfortunately now that i'm back to college..when someone would ask me about my age i tend to lie about it and say that im their age coz im afraid that when they find out that i'm older than them they would expect a lot from me and i never want that... :hide


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## Kelly (Dec 12, 2003)

I would go weeks without talking to another student as a friend.

The next year, I got a job working as the "Nightwatch" person - the person who checks ID's at night to see if the person lived in that particular dorm. People just came up and talked to me. They were lonely too and better at starting conversations than I was.

Then I got promoted to Office Assistant and worked at the dorm's front desk during the day. The same people still talked to me and some new ones did as well.

That's pretty much how I met most of my friends when I was an undergrad.

Have a nice day,
Kelly


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## Jonny-5 (Jun 19, 2006)

*I hate that!*

Man, I know exactly how that is. I go to school for about 4 hours, and i usually just mutter a few "excuse me's" and that's about it. When I get home, I feel restless and anxious because I think of all the stuff I could have said! I sound all sauve and cool, when I imagine myself talking people....


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

A large university/college can be good sometimes. There are probably a lot more social events going on then you realize, find a bulletin bored on campus. There's usually a schedule of happenings also, my school had one. I know it's awkward starting small talk, but you have to try and seek out people who look receptive. It helps sometimes just to complement people on something, it doesn't have to be fabricated either. If you listen a lot of poeple talk before the start of class. Yes, college is harder to meet people becasue there's so much focus on your studies, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.


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## linzi23 (Jun 8, 2006)

i had to force myself to be more social and it took a lot of courage. One night freshman year I was so fed up with my lack of social life, I came up to my next door neighbor and asked what she and her friends were doing that night (it was a friday). It wasn't too awkward because she knew I lived right next to her. Out of politeness she invited me out with her and her friends and we ended up having an awesome time. I am now friends with this girl and her group and 4 of us are rooming together this upcoming (junior) year. 

I must say, life in college without a group is difficult and I am so thankful that I found one. It's just so easy to get lost in the crowd and feel invisible, but when you see your friends, you feel like you exist again. 

I would suggest asking ppl you at least somewhat know (from classes and what not) what they are doing that weekend and then kinda hint at being invited. May be say stuff like "oh that sounds awesome, bla bla bla." Anyway, I still feel like I don't deserve my friends. SA really makes us appreciate them.


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## keem (Jun 23, 2006)

I always tell myself, today I'm going to go to that club meeting, or I'm going to start a conversation with somebody during lunch, or ask my lab partner what she's doing this weekend. But then I get there and I can't walk into the room to go to the meeting, I can't bring myself to go up to somebody at lunch, and the only thing I talk to my lab partner about is the lab we're working on. 

And if I am actually able to do any of those things I end up shaking, sweating, blushing, stuttering, saying something stupid or having a panic attack. That just makes me never want to try making friends again.

So I never say a word to anybody at school all day, go home, barely say a word to anyone in my family, eat dinner alone in my room and spend the rest of the night on the computer talking to people online who are my only real friends. 

I hate my life. :sigh


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## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

Hypatia said:


> The next year, I got a job working as the "Nightwatch" person - the person who checks ID's at night to see if the person lived in that particular dorm. People just came up and talked to me. They were lonely too and better at starting conversations than I was.
> 
> Then I got promoted to Office Assistant and worked at the dorm's front desk during the day. The same people still talked to me and some new ones did as well.
> 
> That's pretty much how I met most of my friends when I was an undergrad.


Good for you, Kelly . I think that having some kind of job on campus is a very effective way to connect with other students. Maybe even more effective than joining a club or going to an activity, because you are constantly dealing with many kinds of students on a very regular basis. I remember the students who used to work in the school library at my college. They were the familiar faces you'd see behind the counter when you check out books, so naturally people were friendly with them. The staff students would often chat with the regular visitors.


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## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

I worked on campus for two years. None of us talked to each other and generally didn't want to have anything to do with the other.


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## Chameleon (Aug 12, 2006)

I am astonished. I never thought I would hear this many people say how they are wasting their college years. I feel like that too. Wow it's actually quite a relief to see many other people experiencing the same problems as me. Too bad most of us are probably too far from each other to hang out. Unless of course, if anyone here is from Charlotte, NC like I am.

I recall many days of me wondering around the campus looking really anxious around other people. I hate how I can never seem to control my facial expressions well when I am around other people. I get very anxious and tense up. One time a lady even came up to me and asked "are you OK?". That's how bad it is for me sometimes. Sometimes I would go a week without ever talking to anyone on campus. Sometimes, I would be talking to people all day, but then in the end I felt so drained (and that I felt like I made a bad impression or something).


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## Partyofone (Jun 2, 2004)

I know exactly how you feel. Every time I'm in the cafeteria, the majority of people are in groups or at least pairs, chatting away. I'm always in there alone staring out the window or watching whatever's on the tv in the room. Worse is probably at the school gym where I sometimes have to wait hours to find someone to play racketball or ping pong with (if at all), because 99% of the time two people come together and when I ask if I can join in they'll be like "Uhh, where's your friend(s)?" It's really annoying. I think I have a reputation around here of being a loner as I'm always seen alone.


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## kennybenny (May 8, 2005)

sometimes im alone, sometimes i hang out with people.


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## Chrysalii (Jun 24, 2006)

Most of the time I would talk to no one all day. It's annoying knowing that this is probably my last chance to do anything about it, so to compensate I would just walk around campus. Good exercise, but not much help elsewhere. Or worse, hide out in the library. then again it seems that everyone else is busy, and then I'm mad because of my lack of business, and to compensate I take more credits so I have more to do. I have 2 semesters left to change that, actually one, since I scheduled a lot of credits this coming semester (which starts in less than a week).


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## Redox (Jan 20, 2006)

ShyLight said:


> onlylordknows said:
> 
> 
> > I ate the food alone and I always walk around alone. I sit alone in classes. I study alone...
> ...


 :ditto


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