# Are there any stories of guys who were older and inexperienced and ended up married?



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

And with kids later on? I'm not talking about dating someone who already has kids, but someone who actually wanted to have kids with them. 

I would like to hear some success stories.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I was trying to make a positive thread, darn it!


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

The only thing you can really do is push forward and not look back to the past. If you do look back to the past, it's only to learn from mistakes and see what worked in the past. Don't dwell on what could have been/what should have been/missed opportunities/etc.

I know that it's very hard to stay motivated when you don't feel that your end goal is achieveable. Lack of motivation is a huge thing for me. If a girl shows clear interest, my motivation returns. But I don't put myself out there enough to get to that point very often I don't think. Because after a string of rejection, I feel discouraged and timid. When a girl on OKCupid with "replies often" on her profile doesn't reply to you or you're contacting a girl that you feel is a good bit below your league physically, that's like a kick in the teeth. How often is "replies often" anyway? lol. It's the same when a girl shuts you down cold in real-life.

Women are more picky than guys and guys get a lot of crap for mentioning this on here but it's true. Physical attraction is necessary. But it's the other stuff. The "checklist" stuff that they're looking for. They are looking for that one right guy. Even the waitress at this diner I was at downtown yesterday said so herself. That young women like her (especially attractive ones like her) tend to be picky because they feel that they have a lot of options and all the time in the world. What can you do though? We can ***** about it. But that pretty much accomplishes nothing because I don't think girls are going to listen when we tell them to give guys more of a chance and stop throwing around the creeper label too often and always on the look out for redflags and what not. Girls are not cursed with having as much testosterone as men. So they are more patient. Guys not so much. lol.

But yeah I'm not going to sugarcoat how I think. I think girls in modern North American culture are _generally_ more stuck up than their mothers and quite frankly it shouldn't surprise them that guys on dating sites are mainly looking for casual sex. Because they are giving us little reason to appreciate anything else about them other than their body (not trying to start a gender war. But I'm being honest about how I feel with the 21st century dating scene. And I think girls who run into a string of guys only looking for sex could benefit from my advice). If a girl is friendly, approachable, talkative, bubbly, etc. and shows interest in me, I wouldn't mind waiting until Date #3 or whatever your cut-off is for sex. Because then I'd actually like you as a person and enjoy chatting with you rather than feel like it's a chore and I'm going through the motions. Just saying. In the media you always hear about how guys need to be this and that to woo girls. Whereas North American women often think that all they have to do is look pretty and play hard to get. Maybe we actually do care about personality too. Or at least I do. Otherwise, of course all I'm going to care about is the fact that you're cute. My advice to girls: If you can't get guys (at least some) to wait until Date #3, you're doing it wrong. You need to do something different to get the guy thinking of you as long-term girlfriend material.

Just look at our culture right now. Go to a subway or bus in Toronto. Practically everyone is on their smartphones, often times wearing ear plugs. We are so disconnected from each other. Unfriendly. Strangers don't smile at each other. Even at work when I pass by, they don't. What the hell is our world coming to? You can't go talk to some girl on the bus/subway who is on her precious iPhone/Blackberry/Android because you just might be a "creeper".


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Well, I've seen guys uglier than me with beauty queens, so I know it's not a measure of looks. Unless you're asking if my inexperience is a measure of what "league" I'm in...in which case, I dunno.

It's just so discouraging, how easy it is for other guys, and I have so much trouble. I try not to be bitter, but it's hard.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

There a stigma going on with inexperienced men. The older they get, the more women avoid them.


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## CyclingSoPhob (Apr 8, 2008)

> There a stigma going on with inexperienced men. The older they get, the more women avoid them.


Not what I want to hear but possibly true for a lot of women. It does feel like time is running out and lately just thinking about how much more experienced any potential date is going to be over me is depressing and anxiety provoking.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I just wish women would give guys like us a chance, instead of dismissing us. It's so frustrating!


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

My brother got married in 2004 when he was 31 years old and she was 22.
They now have a 2 year old daughter.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

Yes, I know quite a few, they are religious though and found a like-minded woman, so maybe it's not quite the same thing. I personally like the fact that my husband has never slept with another woman.. that I know of


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Probably couples who met on SAS.


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## Frunktubulus (Jan 8, 2012)

TPower said:


> There a stigma going on with inexperienced men. The older they get, the more women avoid them.


That seems a peculiar generalisation; how often when meeting a man does a women ask how much "experience" he's had?

I'm tragically uneducated as the next guy, but I can't see how one's level of experience would really be a big deal. You can't get 'experienced' at getting to know someone when everyone is different, and by the time a couple is close enough to talk about their romantic/sexual history (if they do so at all), they're hardly going to dump them straight away because what do they care? If they like you, they like you.


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## MyJoy (Dec 9, 2011)

Yes ther are inexperienced men who end up married with children. Am the kid of one.


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## Frunktubulus (Jan 8, 2012)

Ansgar said:


> That's not how it works.
> 
> A woman will notice whether a man got past sexual experience or not. She can sense it, and so, whenever an inexperienced man walks up to a woman, she will humiliate him.


I can't quite work out why that would be the case, I'd imagine a man who has slept with dozens of women would be less attractive to a woman than a man who is more choosy in his potential mates.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

Ansgar said:


> That's not how it works.
> 
> A woman will notice whether a man got past sexual experience or not. She can sense it, and so, whenever an inexperienced man walks up to a woman, she will humiliate him.


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## Frunktubulus (Jan 8, 2012)

Ansgar said:


> What do you mean with more choosy? I can imagine that a guy that has been in a relationship with a woman knows quite a lot about sex and women in general, so he's experienced.


When I say 'more choosy' I just mean that's probably the way a guy with little dating history is going to appear.
Relationship success is all about emotional maturity. Sexual experience certainly doesn't equal knowing about women or relationships, just like being in relationships doesn't make you an expert on sex so I can't see women taking much stock in 'experience'.
I think personality and emotional maturity are going to take major precedence over any other factors when it comes to women choosing a partner.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Frunktubulus said:


> I can't quite work out why that would be the case, I'd imagine a man who has slept with dozens of women would be less attractive to a woman than a man who is more choosy in his potential mates.


Not really.

Older, inexperienced men send a vibe that they are undesired by anyone. Desperate in a sense.

Women don't like it. They prefer when a bunch of women are after you and they still get a piece of you. They feel good about themselves because you are desirable to many women, but you still give her attention, despite having lot of women to choose from.

It's about how women view your options.


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## Frunktubulus (Jan 8, 2012)

TPower said:


> Older, inexperienced men send a vibe that they are undesired by anyone. Desperate in a sense.


I just don't quite get this idea of a 'vibe', that women 'sense' inexperience. A 40 year old virgin might lack confidence hitting nightclubs looking for a relationship, but he can still be capable of befriending people, of talking earnestly and with humour, intellect and compassion to women, and I don't see why women would immediately disregard someone they might otherwise be attracted to because of this supposed invisible 'loser' tattoo on their forehead. It just seems like pessimism without any logical basis.


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## Frunktubulus (Jan 8, 2012)

Ansgar said:


> Have you ever met a woman?


I've heard about them and read in books. Some recent research suggests they're human, and while it's too early to state that with absolute accuracy, if they WERE human then they'd be attracted to people based on any number of reasons; looks, height, compassion, religion, wit, charm and if they met someone they liked and were compatible with, their sexual history will not be of enormous concern.


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## SweetNSour82 (Dec 19, 2011)

^lol!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I could be that person if I wanted to because I didn't start dating til later in life. But just for your own reference, you can read stories all day of guys like me and others who didn't get this part of their lives handled til later in life, or you can prove it to yourself and stop doubting the fact that it happens all the time. It's good to motivate yourself from success stories but it is another thing entirely to take action and make it happen for yourself. There is no doubt that it happens, and happens more than you think. 29 is a great time to meet women because you can date younger and older easily.

I would stay away from online if I were you and focus on interacting with women in real life situations. Once you learn how to control your emotions and stay progressive you'll get what you want easily.


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## jjbnum3 (Nov 12, 2003)

WintersTale said:


> And with kids later on? I'm not talking about dating someone who already has kids, but someone who actually wanted to have kids with them.
> 
> I would like to hear some success stories.


Hi WintersTale

I think my story counts as A success.
I know my two kids are the joy of my life right now.

I suffer from SAD and few other problems since preschool,maybe even before then.Never was in a long term relationship with a female.

It was over before it even started with all the negative thoughts that went through my head.
until I meant my wife here on the old SAS forum.

Did not find out that I Had SAD until around the age of 30.
took me another year or two to seek help.
So one of my goals was to socialize with people again.sober this time.:afr
I joined a bicycle club,was in a great support group for people with anxiety .
started to talk more females.even ask A few out on dates.

Sure I made some mistake,but I made progress too.I see now I made to many life changes to fast.
And it took a toll on me.

But my kids are the greatest.Our boy Joey is 3 now and my little girl Elizabeth is 6 now.I was in mid 30's when this all happened.
My wife is 8 years younger then me.
they show no sign of SAD.
I just have work extra hard for them to be more out going.having severe hearing loss doe not help.
Also my wife is A great mother.

Also I'm not very good at posting my thoughts.So that is why the short response.
But I have no problem answering any questions about myself from anyone.

I hope this helps some.
cheers
Joey


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Should start getting easier once other males your age start dying off. Then the sex ratios will start to tip in your favor.

http://www.xoxosoma.com/singles/


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## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

komorikun said:


> Should start getting easier once other males your age start dying off. Then the sex ratios will start to tip in your favor.


This is why I adore you.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

komorikun said:


> Should start getting easier once other males your age start dying off. Then the sex ratios will start to tip in your favor.
> 
> http://www.xoxosoma.com/singles/


Gender imbalances don't tend to improve odds until they get skewed pretty badly in my experience. I went to a college that had something like a 3:2 female to male ratio. I never had a date or a relationship, and got rejected twice.

I don't think a gender imbalance would give much advantage until it's bigger than that 3:2, and even then most of the women would just be settling.

And besides, by that age you're way past your prime anyway, and probably wouldn't even be able to get it up.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Witan said:


> Gender imbalances don't tend to improve odds until they get skewed pretty badly in my experience. I went to a college that had something like a 3:2 female to male ratio. I never had a date or a relationship, and got rejected twice.
> 
> I don't think a gender imbalance would give much advantage until it's bigger than that 3:2, and even then most of the women would just be settling.
> 
> And besides, by that age you're way past your prime anyway, and probably wouldn't even be able to get it up.


There might be other factors going on at your college. Even if the college has more women than men, female college students can always date guys not going to that college. I think most everyone settles when getting into a relationship, just that some are happy with the settling and others aren't depending on how far they had to settle and how picky they are.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

komorikun said:


> There might be other factors going on at your college. Even if the college has more women than men, female college students can always date guys not going to that college. *I think most everyone settles when getting into a relationship*, just that some are happy with the settling and others aren't depending on how far they had to settle and how picky they are.


That's kind of a depressing thought :blank


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Witan said:


> That's kind of a depressing thought :blank


It's not that depressing. I mean I'm sure most everyone wants to marry a rich, good looking person who is easy to get along with and with whom you share interests and hobbies. Normally when people mean settle they don't mean that. They mean settle for someone who is lacking majorly in many regards.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

komorikun said:


> It's not that depressing. I mean I'm sure most everyone wants to marry a rich, good looking person who is easy to get along with and with whom you share interests and hobbies. Normally when people mean settle they don't mean that. They mean settle for someone who is lacking majorly in many regards.


Well, I am ready to settle on looks, and just look for someone with a good personality.

I mean, who am I kidding? I am average looking, no job, living at home, and have social anxiety and never been in a relationship. I can't expect a beauty queen.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Well, I am ready to settle on looks, and just look for someone with a good personality.
> 
> I mean, who am I kidding? I am average looking, no job, living at home, and have social anxiety and never been in a relationship. I can't expect a beauty queen.


Well, maybe you should go for women that are on average less popular with men. How picky are you about looks anyways?


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

Luckily I don't want marriage or kids. I just want someone to tell me I'm not quite dead. To go to fireworks with, for example, or ride a bike together, etc. Even sex isn't really important to me anymore (blame the bloody meds).

I think some people are meant to be lifetime bachelors or 'ettes. Well, not "meant" to be, but dispositioned in life as such. But some older people do fall in love later in life, according to some stories I've heard here.

I give it no hope, though. I'm just too jaded, impersonal, and institutionalized within my mind. I don't know if I could give up personal freedom after being single for my entire teenage and adult life.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Mercurochrome said:


> Luckily I don't want marriage or kids. I just want someone to tell me I'm not quite dead. To go to fireworks with, for example, or ride a bike together, etc. Even sex isn't really important to me anymore (blame the bloody meds).
> 
> *I think some people are meant to be lifetime bachelors or 'ettes. Well, not "meant" to be, but dispositioned in life as such.* But some older people do fall in love later in life, according to some stories I've heard here.
> 
> I give it no hope, though.* I'm just too jaded, impersonal, and institutionalized within my mind. I don't know if I could give up personal freedom after being single for my entire teenage and adult life.*


Hit the nail right on the head there! :clap


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Yeah, after seeing the wreckage that my sister and her friend have gone through, I am not sure I'm ready to face that world.

Although I do love kids, but I would rather be a doting uncle than a fuming father.

The problem is my mom. She desperately wants grandchildren. She has my sister's kids, but I feel like I'm a black sheep for not giving her what she wants (this is tied into my SA around women.)


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## Elixir (Jun 19, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> The problem is my mom. She desperately wants grandchildren. She has my sister's kids, but *I feel like I'm a black sheep for not giving her what she wants* (this is tied into my SA around women.)


Being a parent is a great responsibility and if you feel you're not ready to have kids, then you shouldn't feel as though you're disappointing anyone. I think you should pat yourself on the back for being mature enough to realize that maybe you don't want to be a father.

I know that my parents would probably want grandchildren but I'm definitely not going to have kids if I don't want to. It's not my parents decision to make since _I_ will be the one raising my kids not my parents if I have them. So, in my opinion you shouldn't feel guilty at all.


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## Brickbatstone (Jun 22, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> I just wish women would give guys like us a chance, instead of dismissing us. It's so frustrating!


I'll say this much. The negative energy you put out will definately not get you a woman.


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## Brickbatstone (Jun 22, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Should start getting easier once other males your age start dying off. Then the sex ratios will start to tip in your favor.
> 
> http://www.xoxosoma.com/singles/


Just make sure you wrap it. A lot of STDs in old folks homes.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Brickbatstone said:


> Just make sure you wrap it. A lot of STDs in old folks homes.


Does it really matter if you get HIV or herpes if you are in an old folks home? You're most likely going to die within the next 5-10 years anyways.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

If I haven't lost my virginity in 10 years, I will pay for it. I'll travel somewhere where it isn't illegal.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> If I haven't lost my virginity in 10 years, I will pay for it. I'll travel somewhere where it isn't illegal.


10 years? Wow, you're patient! :um Why so (much) long(er)? If I didn't fear the new and could make important decisions, I'd do it in a heartbeat.


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