# I'm 32...haven't accomplished much and I'm terrified of 40



## stargazer8

Well that just about sums it up. I recently turned 32 and I'm really worried about reaching 40 without having anything to show for it.

I'm married and depend completely on my husband. I take care of us in the homemaker type of role. But I don't really do the greatest job with that either. I suffer from depression most of the time. I try to work when I can and I am currently employed...not sure how long that will last though.

But mostly, I'm trying to write. I want to be a published novelist by the time I'm 40. We also want to try and have kids eventually. I find myself back here every year after my birthday...

Has anyone ever had to deal with anything similar? Did you overcome it? What were your goals and how did you achieve them? Any thoughts or advice would be great.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

I am almost 30, and jobless, still in college, never been kissed, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend.

I think you've got advantages.


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## LynnNBoys

Your title reminds me of When Harry Met Sally, when Meg Ryan is crying and Billy Crystal asks her what's wrong. She sobs, "I'm going to be 40!" He says something like, "When?". And she cries and says, "Someday!"  Her character might've been 32 as well!

I could've written your 2nd paragraph! I'm married and depend on my husband financially. Through my 20s, I worked in NYC. I had bouts of depression, but my anxiety was low. I was usually the quiet one, but not SA. Then he suggested I quit my job to do freelance and travel with him (he was computer consultant). We did that briefly but long story short we ended up with a house in Connecticut and had first son when we were 31. He was still traveling and I was home with the baby. Son #2 came along when we were 34. Sometime in my mid 30s anxiety and depression increased. I was very isolated for many years. Depression has taken a toll on my motivation, energy, and memory. My goals feel so overwhelming most of the time. I would also like to write a book and get published, but since 40 has come and gone, I would like to do it before I die. I feel I could write as well as many of the authors I've edited.

I struggle with my depression almost daily. On my good days, I try to take advantage of my motivation and get as much as I can done because I don't know what the next day will bring. I don't have an inspiring story for you. Sorry. But know that you're not alone.

P.S. 40 isn't so bad.


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## stargazer8

LynnNBoys said:


> Your title reminds me of When Harry Met Sally, when Meg Ryan is crying and Billy Crystal asks her what's wrong. She sobs, "I'm going to be 40!" He says something like, "When?". And she cries and says, "Someday!"  Her character might've been 32 as well!
> 
> I could've written your 2nd paragraph! I'm married and depend on my husband financially. Through my 20s, I worked in NYC. I had bouts of depression, but my anxiety was low. I was usually the quiet one, but not SA. Then he suggested I quit my job to do freelance and travel with him (he was computer consultant). We did that briefly but long story short we ended up with a house in Connecticut and had first son when we were 31. He was still traveling and I was home with the baby. Son #2 came along when we were 34. Sometime in my mid 30s anxiety and depression increased. I was very isolated for many years. Depression has taken a toll on my motivation, energy, and memory. My goals feel so overwhelming most of the time. I would also like to write a book and get published, but since 40 has come and gone, I would like to do it before I die. I feel I could write as well as many of the authors I've edited.
> 
> I struggle with my depression almost daily. On my good days, I try to take advantage of my motivation and get as much as I can done because I don't know what the next day will bring. I don't have an inspiring story for you. Sorry. But know that you're not alone.
> 
> P.S. 40 isn't so bad.


I remember that from When Harry Met Sally! Haha...

Thanks for the supportive post--I do feel better that I'm not alone. Some people don't comprehend that your spouse does not erase your issues with SA or anything else.

My SA started when I obtained a "real" job when I was only 20 (you know, in the corporate world). I was bullied out of the job by one woman who was horrible to me. I was always dealing with depression and anxiety in some form since I was an adolescent. But after quitting that job and staying home for a while, I started to deteriorate from that point on. The stress I had to deal with when trying to get other jobs and trying to finish college triggered psychotic episodes and put me in the mental hospital quite a few times.

I do the same with my good days. I try and get things done when I can. Overall, I hope that I can finally accomplish something. It's nice to know that 40 isn't so bad. It's like the new 30, right?


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## gaz

I worry about it too. I'll be 31 in April and i've achieved nothing sgnificant.


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## smt074

Strange - as I get older my drive to 'achieve something significant' is sort of fading. All I really want to do now is enjoy my life. My personal life is way more important to me than my work/educational life these days.


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## hmnut

smt074 said:


> Strange - as I get older my drive to 'achieve something significant' is sort of fading.


I am going to be 33 in april and I am in this boat.

10 -15 years ago I actually wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to matter, I wanted to make the world a better place. Today... meh. Am I lazy or just apathetic? I don't know, and I don't care.

I just want to make enough money that I can have fun when I want without worrying about going into debt (although it is a bit late for that). I'm not sure I want to get married, I am not sure I want to have kids, I am not even sure I want a dream that gets me a lot of respect blah blah blah. it all sounds nice, and probably is nice, but I'm don't know if any of that will happen for me, and I don't know if I care.

I don't know what it is about 32 to that makes us job to 40. I guess because we were JUST 22 and then bam 8 years goes by and then you are 30.

I just want to be happy. Nothing else, just happy.


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## peril

stargazer8 said:


> But mostly, I'm trying to write. I want to be a published novelist by the time I'm 40. We also want to try and have kids eventually. I find myself back here every year after my birthday...


Why don't you try posting your writings here: www.wattpad.com

I love that site! There are a lot of writers that's gotten published because of their exposure in wattpad. It's a good way to find out how people respond to your writing and how you can improve it.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Eight years is a lot of time, get started now, _like right this minute. _

Go!


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## tot

well im 43 and find everyday basic life a struggle and im a nice person but ive never married,coped with a career,drive a car,travelled the world,or had a social life so no ive not accomplished anything in my life and yes life is passing by and i struggle with severe depression,anxiety,ocd and 100s of phobias and in 16 yrs time i will be 60 and never lived so dont know if i care or not!


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## zork2001

The only goal I have is to make enough money so I don’t have to work anymore. I hate work it is so god dame pointless. Sounds like you are already living my dream, assuming your husband gives you whatever money you need.


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## VanDamMan

I think I'd be a horrible "home-maker"


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## PitaMe

I feel for you because like many others on this forum, I'm in the same boat. I'm turning 30 March 1st, and I'm terrified. I swear I don't know where the time went, I don't feel like an adult most of the time. I still have no clue what I want to do career wise, I go back and forth and can't make up my mind (its so frustrating). I would like to just have a career that I don't hate and make enough money so I can travel. Its all I've ever wanted to do. Anyways, what I wanted to say before I started rambling about my own problems was that I know how you feel. I think a lot of people feel the same way, that life is passing them by and they haven't even started living yet. The only thing I can say is to try your best in doing what you want to do, but how you do that with extreme anxiety is a mystery to me too. When you figure it out please let me know. Until then, I wish you luck.


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## antonina

You have a job and a husband those are accomplishments. In this awful economny it's a great thing to have those things.

You still have plenty of time to do writing. My great aunt published her first book in her nineties.


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## Rocky Mt Freak

i remember when i was 29 and 30 was scary
but not as scary as 21 was.
40 is creeping up and will slap me in the face in march.
Maybe because they are "adult" milestones
and i dont feel like a grown up even though im 39

I would like to know if all you who want published have finished a book?
since i was 14 i have started at least 45 rough drafts
but i reread my work and delete  
i dont necessarily want to be published i just want to finish something!!!!


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## StayingMotivated

you overcome it by doing it. I'm glad you are a writer  we need more of them! Start by outlining your goals and timeframes you'd like to accomplish them by and then stick to them.


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## dee79

Yes and no in answer to your question. I get very upset about this every so often - that everything i tried for didn't work out. 

I've found reading minimalist literature helpful, particularly around the frequent futility of goals. And i try and think about what i am and how i like the idea of having a career that i've achieved in but do i really want to be that person? 

Almost all the people i've worked with over the years are usually totally ignorant of themselves in many ways and the world around them. Yet, yeah, they have a Master's and a nice desk job. But for how long? And when something happens how are they going to deal with it? I guess i'm saying, achieve what's important to you - rather than what we see externally as important (a certain job, a degree etc). Writing a novel is great, but why make it to a time-frame? And if you want to write a novel, is there some experience you can do to help in the interim?


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## Demerzel

I'm 37 & unemployed (I quit my job to go to school). I should've graduated by now, but still haven't declared a major. My age didn't bother me while I was working, but now I'm pushing 40 & it's getting scary. *cue horror film music* :O I feel like this is my best chance to make a positive career change & I'm running out of time. As for love life, who wants an unemployed 37 year old guy who has no direction? :troll lol

If by chance u happen to know me irl, just pretend u never read this


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## aussiegal

At least you have some time. I have 2 months. Sh!t.


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## Stanley Joe

It really sucks to actually be 40 and have had nothing accomplished.


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## Talgonite

smt074 said:


> Strange - as I get older my drive to 'achieve something significant' is sort of fading. All I really want to do now is enjoy my life. My personal life is way more important to me than my work/educational life these days.


I'm kind of in the same boat. I just want to make enough money to not have to worry about if something else goes wrong with my car, or if I need to go to the hospital because I don't have insurance. Other than that I don't really give a crap about accomplishing something world changing.


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## Kon

zork2001 said:


> The only go theal I have is to make enough money so I don't have to work anymore. I hate work it is so god dame pointless. Sounds like you are already living my dream, assuming your husband gives you whatever money you need.


That seems like the best attitude and I can relate. As long as I can do the stuff that interests me, I don't care. I'm not sure what accomplishment means? If it means not being able to do what really interests you, then I definitely haven't accomplished all that much because I'm still working and I'd prefer not to be working. Instead, I'd like to travel, exercise, read/learn and sit near a scenic place just relaxing and observing stuff.


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