# BF has AIDS and doesn't like to talk about protection



## sweetpotato (Apr 5, 2012)

I've been with my bf for a year. He's HIV positive (diagnosed with AIDS a few years ago but slowly improving) and I'm not. When we first started having sex (he'd always pull out), he didn't tell me he had HIV. He actually lied and told me that he didn't have anything, and insisted on not using protection. I actually found out by stumbling upon a bottle of his ART medicine and then his paperwork. I was furious that he lied to me. He said it was because he'd never told anyone, expected to be alone his whole life, he's undetectable, and his parents (who had it and transmitted it through birth) told him not to tell people because they'd treat him differently. I ended up forgiving him and staying. I make sure he takes his medication and try to get him to go to his doctors appointments. 

He hasn't gotten tested/a check up in a while. He isn't diligent about it (misses appointments, sleeps through, ignores phone calls, forgets) which I get, but it worries me because I know nothing about his health at the moment. He doesn't even discuss it with me.

We had sex last night, nearly had a close call pulling out, and afterwards I asked him if we could use condom in the future. He said that he doesn't like condoms because a) they make him desensitized and b) they are a reminder of his illness and kill the mood.n He said that he shuts down whenever I ask about protection or his condition. I asked him what he'd do if I ever got HIV. He interrupted me, said that would never happen and not to think about it. I asked him if our relationship would survive because I'd then be a constant reminder of his illness. 

I've suggested therapy. He doesn't like the idea. I don't know what to do. He isn't comfortable opening up about his virus, but comfortable enough to expose me to it (even if he's undetectable, I think my wishes for safe sex still matter like anyone elses). 

Does anyone have/know someone with HIV? I feel like I can't talk to anybody about it, not even my own boyfriend.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

I don't want to upset you, but he's not being a good bf. First of all, he lied to you about having HIV. That is something you MUST tell your partner before you have sex. And to make things worse, he didn't use a condom. 

Also, it is manipulative of him to say that you asking him to use a condom reminds him of his illness and upsets him. He should want to protect you! It is not a lot to ask of your partner to wear a condom. BTW, precum can transmit the virus, so pulling out isn't enough.

There are no guarantees that you won't get HIV, even if it is undetectable. He is completely disregarding your feelings and is putting your health at risk. If I were you, I would reconsider being in this relationship.


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## persona non grata (Jul 13, 2011)

What you're describing is life-threatening irresponsibility on the part of your boyfriend, and if you're not angry that he isn't prioritizing your health you should be.


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## Carolyne (Sep 20, 2016)

I really don't understand how you forgave him and I think you need to rethink that. This is an abusive relationship, sorry, but there's no other way to say it. He doesn't respect you and you need to get out. There are normal, decent men out there who you can date, stop putting up with this jerk.


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## waterfairy (Oct 20, 2016)

Carolyne said:


> I really don't understand how you forgave him and I think you need to rethink that. This is an abusive relationship, sorry, but there's no other way to say it. He doesn't respect you and you need to get out. There are normal, decent men out there who you can date, stop putting up with this jerk.


I also think that this is an abusive relationship, and it is not something that you should wait to get out of, OP. Your health is at risk.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

What a sneaky *******....


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

waterfairy said:


> I don't want to upset you, but he's not being a good bf. First of all, he lied to you about having HIV. That is something you MUST tell your partner before you have sex. And to make things worse, he didn't use a condom.
> 
> Also, it is manipulative of him to say that you asking him to use a condom reminds him of his illness and upsets him. He should want to protect you! It is not a lot to ask of your partner to wear a condom. BTW, precum can transmit the virus, so pulling out isn't enough.
> 
> There are no guarantees that you won't get HIV, even if it is undetectable. He is completely disregarding your feelings and is putting your health at risk. If I were you, I would reconsider being in this relationship.


^ This.

I'd just add that this may sound kind of harsh....but if he really cared about you, as his girlfriend, as a friend, as a loved one...he would never, ever put you at risk like he has done, over and over again. Pulling out is not a method of bc or of preventing STDs in my opinion. It's very, very innefective. It fails all the time.


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## catcharay (Sep 15, 2011)

sweetpotato said:


> I've suggested therapy. He doesn't like the idea. I don't know what to do. He isn't comfortable opening up about his virus, but comfortable enough to expose me to it (even if he's undetectable, I think my wishes for safe sex still matter like anyone elses).
> 
> .


He's not taking you serious. It's a not small matter and for him to snub your requests for protection, I don't think is fair, nor responsible. When it comes to health, feelings shouldn't be prioritised. You have to be firm in your conviction.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

This is not okay. He needs to stop acting like it's a joke, like he doesn't even have it. Because as much as he hates to admit it he's gotta face it because it's for life. And if he really cared about you he'd be open with you and definitely use protection for your own well being. I don't see how you'd let him do that anyway?? Seems like he wants you to catch it...and it seems like you want to catch it too.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Why do you let him have unprotected sex with you? It sucks that he was born with HIV but that is no reason to risk other people. By the way, are you sure he isn't lying about how he contracted HIV.


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## LotusBloom (May 30, 2015)

I agree with what everyone mostly said.

I know you said you don't have HIV but you should check with a doctor if you've contracted it. Waterfairy mentioned it, you already have been exposed to developing AIDS if he secretes pre-seminal fluids. It can be released way before sperm is channeled out of his penis.

He severely disregarded your health.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

You really should be using condoms. You are being a pushover.

It does sound like he needs to be in therapy, you should really have broken up with him after you found out he lied to you. That's such a serious thing to lie about... But it's your life.

If you don't break up with him, make sure he uses condoms.


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## JDsays (Oct 20, 2015)

waterfairy said:


> I don't want to upset you, but he's not being a good bf. First of all, he lied to you about having HIV. That is something you MUST tell your partner before you have sex. And to make things worse, he didn't use a condom.
> 
> Also, it is manipulative of him to say that you asking him to use a condom reminds him of his illness and upsets him. He should want to protect you! It is not a lot to ask of your partner to wear a condom. BTW, precum can transmit the virus, so pulling out isn't enough.
> 
> There are no guarantees that you won't get HIV, even if it is undetectable. He is completely disregarding your feelings and is putting your health at risk. If I were you, I would reconsider being in this relationship.


There's some laws that require people to tell their partner about HIV/AIDs, that's so messed up that he didn't tell you.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Well he acted like a jerk. But that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to him too, although he kinda deserves it.

I would say to him something like: Look, I love you and I wanna be with you, but I'm putting my life at risk with unprotected sex. I'm afraid for my health and cannot continue this relationship like this. Hope you understand.

And btw, pulling out is not a safe method cause there are tiny amounts of cum being ejected way before orgasm.


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

Basically, he cares nothing about your well being.


I think he may be the kind of person who would put ex gf's nude pictures online after break up. That's totally inline with his behavior.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

It's incredibly selfish and irresponsible of him to hide something like that from you, he's literally putting your life at risk.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV

HIV can take months to be detectable, if you stay with him you should definitely refuse any kind of unprotected sex and avoid other bodily fluid contact. It would be a good idea to get tested now, and again in 6 months time just to be safe


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

nubly said:


> Why do you let him have unprotected sex with you? It sucks that he was born with HIV but that is no reason to risk other people. By the way, are you sure he isn't lying about how he contracted HIV.


He didn't tell you and doesn't care about using protection .. If he can argue for not using condoms even though he may put your life at risk it should be pretty obvious he would have little to no problems lying to you as well.

Out of all these 3 actions, lying about how he contracted HIV definitely is the easier thing to do.


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

I know you are being nice. But there is a chance he's taking your niceness as being naive and silly. He could even be bragging about how he guilt tricked you. Guilt tricking is sign of him being a manipulative person.


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## Dissipated (Aug 10, 2016)

He's an inconsiderate selfish prick and apparently stupid as well since he has no knowledge of pre cum being a transmittable way for HIV.Or even worse,he knows about it but his own pleasures are more important.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

If he is not diligent about his medical appointments, I wonder if he is diligent about taking his medications...... If he got diagnosed with full-blown AIDS a few years ago, that means he wasn't taking his meds at the time, right? Sounds like he has a few screws loose.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

You should sue him. And obviously break up with him.


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## That Random Guy (Jan 31, 2015)

Pardon the language, but, who the hell lies to someone about having HIV *after* they've went and done the deed with this person?

This is unacceptable on all accounts. I honestly cannot believe what an ignoramus this person has proven to be.

It's unbelievable. So, just because his life is screwed up, all of the sudden he automatically gets the right to screw with someone else's?

Wow. Just, wow.

This person obviously doesn't have the mindset or maturity to be in a responsible adult relationship.

He has committed a grave error and if I were you, I'd let him be.

Like someone mentioned above, you've tried voicing your concerns with him, but he won't listen. He chooses not to because he's been thinking of himself and only himself.

You have every right to leave this man and live healthy.

Please think about it.

- T.R.G.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Omg are you not using condoms? Hmm have you been tested? Having sex with condoms is risky but without them you're just asking for it, wow. Are you not worried? Him having sex with you without telling you he had AIDS is illegal I think. If he liked/loved you at all he would of told you.


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## sweetpotato (Apr 5, 2012)

Demon Soul said:


> He didn't tell you and doesn't care about using protection .. If he can argue for not using condoms even though he may put your life at risk it should be pretty obvious he would have little to no problems lying to you as well.
> 
> Out of all these 3 actions, lying about how he contracted HIV definitely is the easier thing to do.


He was born with it. I saw it on his paperwork that he didn't want me to find.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Is this thread serious? Like really? Yeah, keep it up. Risk getting pregnant, passing hiv to your baby, and dying young of aids. He doesn't care about your life, and you don't seem to either. Not sure why you're even asking for advice since there's a good chance it's already too late.


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## SmartCar (Nov 27, 2011)

This is a really sad but serious situation that you're in. While the lie is a big no no :no I also felt sympathy for the guy, he was dealt with a horrible cross that was not his to bear in the first place but was burdened with it; while I find what his parents did to be deplorable, he still needs to be held accountable for his body & actions; I get that you want to help & be there for him, but honestly it doesn't sound like he's serious about you, your safety or even his own since he sleeps & misses appointments; & you should under no circumstance be sleeping with him without protection, him being against condom use should be your *Deal Breaker!*, that's the last straw! _HIV_ while there is better treatment for it, it's still not something you want to have; I don't understand how he can feel shame about it, but yet not care that he's potentially putting you through that. I'm sure he's a good person somewhere in there, but when it comes to something like _HIV_ & not using protection he isn't being kind at all :no I think you should distance yourself from him, for your own safety; but that's just my opinion, it's up to you; but I think if the guy truly cared for you he wouldn't play around recklessly like that.


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## 812161 (Oct 8, 2016)

How about just reading a tiny bit about HIV transmission and realize that it is also transmitted by blood... Scratched his junk on something? A risk... goes down on you after some bleeding gums? Hmm...yeah. Even deep kissing. (sure all methods have differing levels of risk)

This whole, it's ok...he pulls out stuff is monumentally naive on so many levels.

Respect yourself


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## Rickets (May 5, 2014)

Run.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

That Random Guy said:


> So, just because his life is screwed up, all of the sudden he automatically gets the right to screw with someone else's?


Well, maybe he actually wants her to catch HIV, to keep her around him. He may be thinking that if she is HIV positive as well, she will not be accepted by people who are not infected, thus much greater chances that she will remain with him.

That would be a really dirty move.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

You are playing Russian roulette with your life every single time you kiss him or have sex. It should not matter what he wants or what hurts his feelings. It is your job to protect yourself from deadly diseases that will not only grossly impact your quality of life and how long you live, but make it extremely risky for you to have kids or to have another romantic partner for the rest of your life. As it is, when you break up with him, you still need to wait 6 months and get tested for AIDS to make sure you didn't catch it (which would be a small miracle) so you don't pass this on to another person. 

If someone lied to me who knew he had AIDS, I would press charges and make them see how incredibly cruel and selfish they were. I would not just leave them, I would try to ensure that they didn't pull that crap on anyone else. It is like a form of homicide to know that you have aids and to sleep with someone without telling them. 

I can't believe you are still sleeping with this guy, never mind sleeping with him with no protection. Do you value your life at all?!! I hope you will take a really hard look at what you are doing - you could be committing a slow, painful suicide sleeping with someone who values you so little, he would give you a deadly disease so he can have unprotected sex. Can you honestly call someone like that a boyfriend and pretend you have a caring relationship? This really pisses me off to read. I really hope you don't die from this.


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

Some people are blessed with the instinct and ability to trust, forgive, and care. It seems the OP is one of them. People like OP are especially susceptible to manipulation like in this case. There are people like OP's bf who leech on such compassionate persons. I sincerely hope OP can break away from this situation, and find someone who deserves your trust and love.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

How he contracted it isnt the issue. He shouldn't be having unprotected sex with anyone if he is aware of his diagnosis. He probably should've been honest with you about his condition as well. He is putting your health in jeopardy and sounds either ibcredibly stupid or uncaring. I wouldn't be having any more unprotected sex with him and would consider leaving the relationship as this is a pretty big deception.


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## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

When trust gets destroyed (obliterated in this case), i don't know how you continue in the relationship. Someone talked about this guy getting therapy and I agree. He needs to work on himself. But not while he's in a relationship. And, as many have said, risking your life to be with someone who has no concept of personal responsibility is ill-advised at best.


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## sweetpotato (Apr 5, 2012)

I just want to check in here and let you guys know that I've read all of your responses. I don't remember who said it, but I wanted to point out that you cannot get HIV from kissing. That's beside the point though.

No, I do not have a death wish. Before I met him I thought I would never date someone who had HIV because even the slightest risk would be horrifying. It wasn't until I fell in love with him that I realized how HIV is a small part of a person. Yes, what he did was unforgivable. He knows this and doesn't expect me to forgive him. We have sex infrequently, like once or twice a month. We are both busy and tired but when it does happen it is spontaneous. 

I know what he did was wrong. I'm not blind or oblivious. I worry about these things every single day and regularly get tested. He comes with me every time (my request). If things don't get sorted out, I think we may be doomed. I'm seriously considering leaving him, but it's hard for several reasons:

1. We live together and I'm in the middle of my semester
2. We have a dog together. It is technically mine (his birthday/Christmas gift to me) but I'd have a very hard time finding an apartment with a pet, even if he is an ESA
3. I love him and care about him. Call me delusional but I just feel that way and it's really painful to think about leaving him. Part of the reason I cried so much when I found out about his HIV was because I felt shocked and scared, but half was because I felt so sad knowing he was sick.
4. We have good times. He makes me dinner, takes great care of the dog, we go to concerts together, took his first trip overseas last year, he comforts me when I feel down and is constantly doing little things to make my life better (sending me sweet texts while he's at work, making sure I've eaten, buying back pillows for my car, surprising me after a stressful day at school with a bath complete with candles, a bath pillow, and bath bombs; massages my back when it hurts because I have scoliosis, drops any plans if I'm not comfortable with them... although I never ask him to).
5. I've become more confident around him. He's the first person who I let see me without makeup (I had really bad acne, which was a huge factor to my SA). When he saw it (and it wasn't pretty) he kissed it. I can actually leave the house without makeup now. 
6. LA is really expensive and it's hard to find a job. Add on anxiety, depression, grief, and worrying about being HIV positive and I'm a useless wreck.
7. I can't live with my parents again. They would let me if I had to but they are extremely toxic for reasons I can't get into. Part of the reason I moved in with this guy was because he knew I was having a hard time at home. 
8. I made a friend last year who went through the same thing I was. He found out that his (then) boyfriend had HIV. They later got married (not my goal) and had a happy relationship.


Imagine living with a person you love deeper than anyone you have loved before, but also their disease. It's like a shadow in the room. He tries to ignore it. He wants to be "normal". And he is normal. We have a fantastic relationship (his friends always comment on how they wish they had a relationship like ours) and over time it becomes benign. I shouldn't take it so lightly--I know that. So yes, I am acting stupidly but I am not delusional. I love him and his illness pains me every day.

Just wanted to add that in here.


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## kesker (Mar 29, 2011)

> I am acting stupidly but I am not delusional. I love him and his illness pains me every day.


I suppose, unless I'm standing in someone else's shoes, it's hard to judge. Very few situations are black and white. Thanks for reminding me of that. I hope things work out for you for the best.


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## sweetpotato (Apr 5, 2012)

kesker said:


> I suppose, unless I'm standing in someone else's shoes, it's hard to judge. Very few situations are black and white. Thanks for reminding me of that. I hope things work out for you for the best.


That's okay. It wasn't directed at you or anyone in particular by the way. Thanks for your advice earlier also


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

sweetpotato said:


> I just want to check in here and let you guys know that I've read all of your responses. I don't remember who said it, but I wanted to point out that you cannot get HIV from kissing. That's beside the point though.
> 
> No, I do not have a death wish. Before I met him I thought I would never date someone who had HIV because even the slightest risk would be horrifying. It wasn't until I fell in love with him that I realized how HIV is a small part of a person. Yes, what he did was unforgivable. He knows this and doesn't expect me to forgive him. We have sex infrequently, like once or twice a month. We are both busy and tired but when it does happen it is spontaneous.
> 
> ...


I hope this doesn't offend you but I feel it needs to be said so I'll say it anyway.

The first thing that popped into my mind when I read this post was "Battered Wife Syndrome", I half expected you to say "he only does it because he loves me".

The HIV is "a" problem but it isn't "the" problem, "the" problem is the dishonesty, the lack of concern for your welfare and his refusal to face reality like an adult. That's why in my opinion you should call time on this relationship, regardless of any difficulties it may cause (if he doesn't care *enough* about you to take this seriously then you'll have to protect yourself).

So if he isn't able to step up to the plate (personally I wouldn't even give him the opportunity, but we all accept different things), you need to put yourself first. You can still be friends (without benefits) and live together as roommates if you don't want to feel like you've completely abandoned him (a guilt you shouldn't be feeling IMO), this would also give you time to sort out alternative accommodation if being around him was too painful (plenty of people break up and are forced to still live together for a while these days).

The fact he didn't run a mile when you took off your makeup wasn't because he's the only man in the world who isn't disgusted by you, he just showed you the truth.

And if you want someone to wear a condom they have 3 choices:

1) Try to change your mind (you shouldn't allow this one).
2) Put on a condom.
3) Don't have sex.

It's time to make option 1 no longer an option.

I hope you got something from that.:wink2:


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

sweetpotato said:


> ...


if you're staying in the relationship you're gonna need to do something about this... or it wont work long term will it? if you get HIV you'd surely end up blaming him and that'd **** things up. wearing condoms is such a small thing relative to getting HIV. i mean come on, do you not care about yourself at all? you need to talk to your doctor about getting medication to help stop you from getting HIV. please


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## flyingMint (Aug 31, 2015)

No no no nononononon no. 

First off. 

It's HIV, this isn't willy-nilly let me get a penicillin shot and fix it all up. This is a life changing, life reducing, life lasting illness which can really hurt you. 

That is not fair to you, as a healthy woman for him to be pressuring and casting your needs aside that way. If he constantly gets reminded about his illness by wearing a condom, then he needs to stop having sex altogether and go to a therapist to help deal with those issues. Also, it's not like normal guys don't wear condoms. If anything mostly all of them do, unless they are in trusting relationships with people who aren't suffering from transmittable diseases. 

Do not compromise your health, for something that can be easily resolved. 

It's ok to love them, yes they may have really shown you a different look of yourself. However, if he really loved you, he wouldn't put you in that compromising situation, the fact that YOU did, shows that YOU care about him more than he cares about you. 

Also, please test yourself. Often, and I mean very often, for all you know you could be infected already. 

Take care of yourself. 
Take care of yourself. 
Take care of yourself.

Your body is a temple, if you're ok, if you're healthy, do your best to keep it so.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

You need to reconsider this relationship, looking at it with a long term focus. He lied to you about something as important as literally having AIDs. And revealing it to you AFTER you've already had sex. That tells me that he's willing to outright exploit you for his own gain. Imagine what else he could be capable of lying about? This is just the beginning of many devastating lies, in my opinion.

That's not even considering his childish and pathetic manipulation tactics against his use of protection, putting you at risk of getting HIV/AIDs. If he keeps pouting about it, too bad for him. Sure, he was dealt a ****ty card, being born with HIV, but this behaviour is incredibly unfair.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

OP, you need to get tested yourself.
No more sex with him. He is not going about his diagnosis in the most healthy matter and you kind of know that. He needs help, but HE has to be the one to do it.


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## Furiosa (Jun 2, 2015)

Not disclosing his status and then having unprotected sex with you, on more than one occassion, not to mention blatantly lying about being clean, was a huge breach of trust. If somebody knowingly did that to me, that would instantly be the end of it, and I'd probably beat the **** out of them too. It's not just the matter of lying, it's the fact that he has threw blatant disregard to your health and exposed you to a life threatening disease. Are you seriously okay with that??

"Pulling out" is not a safe or effective method of contraception, are you not aware of that? Not to mention aswell as diseases, you are also putting yourself at risk of pregnancy. Whether he or any other man likes it or not, you must insist on using condoms; otherwise no glove, no love.

If I were you, I'd be down the sexual health clinic pronto and be getting tested. I sincerely hope for your sake you have had a lucky escape and can put this mistake behind you, I really do.


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## springbreeze1 (Aug 4, 2016)

@sweetpotato I dig a little into HIV and found that it is rare but still possible to contract HIV through open mouth kissing. There are also cases where baby contracted HIV from eating food chewed by caregiver with HIV.

I remember earlier reading a news a girl ran over her bf with her car for not informing HIV infection. I'm by no mean suggesting you do the same, just to show you how much a breach of trust this is seen by other people.

We have SA and we are not imposing the rest of the world to ignore this fact. Many people have their burden to carry. It's not a reason to endanger other people. If you still stay with him, at very minimum, there should be no more unsafe sex. All the nice thing he is doing are not worth the risk. And nice thing men do in courtship may not last long.


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## Carolyne (Sep 20, 2016)

Also just want to add, in the future after you dump him, normally people don't stop using condoms until they are in a relationship for awhile and have both been tested. You don't just jump into unprotected sex, no matter what he's saying. I can't believe how foolish you've been with your health, what you did is dangerous and ridiculous even if he was clean.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

sweetpotato said:


> I shouldn't take it so lightly--I know that. So yes, I am acting stupidly but I am not delusional.


"Contact between broken skin, wounds, or mucous membranes and HIV-infected blood or blood-contaminated body fluids. Deep, open-mouth kissing if the person with HIV has sores or bleeding gums and blood from the HIV-positive partner gets into the bloodstream of the HIV-negative partner. HIV is not spread through saliva... Only certain body fluids from a person who has HIV can transmit HIV:
Blood
Semen (cum)
Pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum)
Rectal fluids
Vaginal fluids
Breast milk." - https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/how-you-get-hiv-aids/

So it may be harder to get AIDS from kissing, but one slip with dental floss with a bleeding gum that no one noticed, and it can be transmittable. Notice in the above that pre-cum is definitely a transmission vehicle.

Reading your explanation of why you are letting your boyfriend talk you into unprotected sex or vaginal sex at all is not at all convincing. Yes he is good to you besides this issue, but this is your life we are talking about. Going along with unprotected sex will eventually give you AIDS, and probably sooner than later with how reckless you are being with your health.

What if he is *not* the only person on earth who could love you and who you could have a good relationship with? Are you willing to throw your health away and shorten your life span for someone willing to let you contract AIDS? Pointing out the other nice things he does is a justification for putting up with a totally insane request to have unprotected sex. At the very least stop having vaginal sex and figure out other forms of intimacy that don't endanger your life. KY jelly and a hand is one easy solution.

If you contract AIDS you will look back at your decisions and see how totally and completely preventable this was and every single day for the rest of your life you will regret this decision to passively engage in unprotected sex. I know I sound harsh and unsympathetic, but I am writing this because you are in denial and I am trying to show you how totally dangerous your thinking is, and how thinking like this could kill you.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

Oh, and another thing. On the next trip you both go on to test if you have AIDS, have the health care professional explain to your boyfriend just how dangerous what you have been doing is. He is in total denial and needs someone to straighten him out. If he won't listen to you, get someone in the health care field to tell him. He is just burying his head in the sand and pretending he isn't passing a deadly disease on to you. Get someone to call him on this.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

marsia said:


> Oh, and another thing. On the next trip you both go on to test if you have AIDS, have the health care professional explain to your boyfriend just how dangerous what you have been doing is. He is in total denial and needs someone to straighten him out. If he won't listen to you, get someone in the health care field to tell him. He is just burying his head in the sand and pretending he isn't passing a deadly disease on to you. Get someone to call him on this.


He needs a good slap in his face for doing this to her.
If he can hide his desease like that and manipulate her i bet he have some nasty secrets waiting to be discovered.
I really don't understand how she can stay with him. Love ? lol yeah, toxic love indeed.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

OP some people here have been kind of harsh but they mean well. Ultimately the decision is yours but know that it's your body and you alone, no one else, not the members here, not your bf, have a say on using protection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

*Dump him*​


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Seriously. This guy doesn't care about you at all if he had sex with you knowing that he had HIV without even telling you. It's that simple. The guy is a sociopath or something. That's the real issue. I have no problems at all with people who choose to be involved with people who have HIV but he didn't give you a choice. He didn't give you the information you needed to make a wise choice before you got serious with him. That's a really, really bad sign.


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## doe deer (Oct 9, 2016)

get out of that relationship as soon as you can. not because he has aids but because he doesn't care about you and your health, also he lied about a very serious thing. don't take this in an offensive way, but i really can't understand how do you allow yourself to be manipulated like this. and you have unprotected sex with him? do you not care about your health? you should really break up, for your own well-being. :rub


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## Dark Skies (Aug 10, 2012)

Your bf is a sociopath. 

He doesn't care about you or your health, he's already shown that by sleeping with you, unprotected without telling you he had HIV, even refusing to wear a condom after you found out he had HIV and asked him to wear one and yet you choose to stay with him.

I know love can blind you to peoples faults but you really need to wake up. You're in denial and trying to fool yourself that he loves you and is a decent human being. Trust me, a decent human being would never expose someone they didn't care that much about to HIV let alone someone they love.

You've also created a really dangerous dynamic in the relationship. He's put your life and health at risk and you 'reward' him for it by staying with him and continuing to let him sleep with you without protection. He'll think he can do whatever he wants and you'll forgive him as long as he's nice to you the rest of the time.

Would you stay with him if you find out he's cheated on you as long as he's nice to you and caring when you're together?

You need to wake up, the kind of person who did what he did to you wouldn't think twice about cheating on you and leaving you if he found someone else he was happier with and if that day ever comes all you'll be left with is a broken heart, regrets at being so stupid and most likely an incurable, life threatening disease.

I hope you don't take offence at what I've said, it may seem harsh but it's with the best intentions.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I just want you to be careful. No matter how much you love your boyfriend, please be careful.


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## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

You don't need to read three pages to know what you have to do in this situation. He didn't just lie about a minor detail but something that can affect your heath for the rest of your life. You can write a page long list of how perfect of a boyfriend he is but at the end of the day if he really cared about you he wouldn't do what he did/is doing. This is just wrong on every level.


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## NeuronAssembly (May 24, 2013)

Yeah I'm going to have to suggest what multiple other people did; get tested. HIV/AIDS can still be transmitted through pre-cum. Protection is also highly advised, not only because of the pre-cum, but also because you've already had a "close call." He does sound like a very loving individual, and it's great that's he's nice in every other way, but if he really loved you he'd use protection. One more moment of him letting his pre-cum off inside you, or one more "close call" that ends up being too close, and you can get infected and, on top of being vulnerable to many life-threatening diseases and having a reduced life-span, you also won't be able to have unprotected sex with any non-infected person for the rest of your life, lest you spread the disease to them.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Seriously. This guy doesn't care about you at all if he had sex with you knowing that he had HIV without even telling you.


But he does care for her. That's why she's confused. He needs her. She is important to his happiness. He relies on her. All of this feels like he loves her. But it's all about him and his needs and his happiness. If he loved her, he would care more about her happiness than his own. She cares more about his happiness than her own.

You should move on OP. But if you stay, use protection always. Use multiple levels of protection. I'm sure there are guides online to having sex safely with a partner who has HIV. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then you know how little he cares about you and you should leave.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Leave. I really hope you're a troll. But for the sake of argument, you deserve better than someone who wouldn't tell you such a vital thing. If I have a frickin' cold, I tell someone when they go to kiss me. This is awful. You really, really need to leave him. You are better than this and I don't even know you.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

AngelClare said:


> But he does care for her. That's why she's confused. He needs her. She is important to his happiness. He relies on her. All of this feels like he loves her. But it's all about him and his needs and his happiness. If he loved her, he would care more about her happiness than his own. She cares more about his happiness than her own.


 Actually, if he really did care that much about himself, he might be worried about the consequences of doing the things he's done. There are a lot of pretty bad things that could happen to him because of this. I don't know if it is explicitly against the law or not to knowingly expose someone to HIV without informing them that you have it but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a way to bring a civil lawsuit against him for it. And I wouldn't be surprised if a law doesn't get passed eventually that makes it an actual crime.

Even if someone is completely self-absorbed they would be afraid of consequences so this is something else. Like delusional thinking or something. For example, a lot of females have fathers or brothers who would be rather upset about something like this. Unless he knew for a fact that she didn't, he couldn't have discounted the possibility of getting the **** kicked out of him by an angry family member.


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## zomb (May 4, 2014)

I know someone, I talk to regular on email, he has HIV. He asks me for sex all the time, but due to my many problems I can't. 
I wish this was more interesting, but it isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

....Beyond stupid.


The movie Idiocracy is sadly becoming a documentary rather than fiction, just sayin'

Sorry if I sound harsh, but after getting my heart broken more times than I can count, then read hopefully fake stories on here of people dating literally scumbags, quite frankly I'm just too disheartened and tired of sugar coating my responses on here, so perhaps some tough love would help get the point across.


The pull out method is beyond dumb
Dating a known manipulator is dumb
At this point you have two choices:

Be smart and save yourself

Or

Continue to be dumb and reap what you sow


Life is about choices, why you need advice on here about this situation makes me question the educational & parenting methods these days.


You should write down a list of why you are still with him, probably won't be long enough.

You should work on your self-esteem and self worth, wasting your time, not to mention health and very life on this person, seems very unwise. 

Shouldn't matter if he's Greek God handsome, wealthy, and entertaining, (which is doubtful considering you stated he felt he wouldn't meet anyone) you owe it to yourself to look out for yourself.

Do you even love/care about yourself?

You seem to a little bit, you have doubts and regrets, otherwise this thread wouldn't even exist.


I'm hoping this is a troll thread for mere sick entertainment, which if it is, most people do not find amusing at all.


Sigh 


I'm sorry, I'm not the same Malek anymore....

Meh


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## llodell88 (May 15, 2011)

Your boyfriend sound like a terrible person and very selfish while you on the other hand need to need to learn how to be more selfish. Please take care of your health and stop caring about a guy who clearly only cares about himself.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

Charles Darwin's ghost wept reading the threadstarters post


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## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

If you don't see why this is a truly horrible situation, you need the counseling. 


You're playing AIDS-Russian Roulette. 


Has to be a troll.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I'm surprised you haven't already contracted HIV.


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