# Had my first kiss , also some advice for SA guys !



## Miikser18 (Jul 12, 2011)

I never thought that romance was something to ever reach to me , but today I invited a girl over that I had been hanging out with 4-5 times previously. First three times happened some time ago but she got together with her ex and then I was really disappointed and my ever re-occurring depression hit me that time really hard. I got a strong headache purely because of thinking negative thoughts! Then she showed initiative that she was single again and was no longer a ***** she was the third time we went out. 

Fastforward to today, I invited her over. I laid her on my bed and she started pretending being asleep. I was just next to her thinking what the hell am I supposed to do? I didn't know what to do other than to stroke her face with my hands and just hold on to her. She didn't stop the pretend sleep so I continued with kissing her cheek, her neck, because I have heard pickup advice that this turns girls on. I went on with that for a long time, then while kissing her face I slowly moved towards her lips with my lips. I was prepared for rejection, but to my surprise, she kissed me back. Later I kissed the other areas of her body, almost moved for oral but just few inches before really getting down there she resisted. Not resolutely, but I cared for her and didn't want to go against her will.

Maybe the story was worded a bit hilariously, maybe the situation was hilarious, but to me, it was pretty enjoyable experience, first romantic experience with a girl. Now she accepted my confirm my relationship with her on facebook :clap

To all there guys read the story with jealousy, I understand you. I used to be one of you, thinking that romance is "going too far" , "taking advantage" and "wanting too much from a girl". I used to have many nights of depression and even suicidal thoughts thinking that I will be a 40-year-old virgin. I used to even look up mental disorders and find up which one should I diagnose myself with. I used to spend days just laying around playing video games, eating junk food and listening to depressive music, trying to find the reason to just keep on living.

What do I have to say to you, is: don't listen to those who tell you to be yourself! Maybe it is a legit advice if you are bound with pretty looks, or you are a multimillionaire. For socially awkward guys like us, the advice would be: there are times where you really have to go out of your way for getting a girl, especially the first few times. I am sure that your gut feeling might tell you that even being around a member of opposite sex is a terrible offence to him/her, that's why you should ditch it! Gut feeling is only going to bring you luck if it is in touch with reality. Guys with SA tend to predict bad outcome to any encounter with opposite sex, so at first, abandon the gut feeling and just go for it, later on when you develop a positive gut feeling, cling onto that.

You can train the gut feeling thing with practising talking to opposite sex step by step , overcoming stage fright, figuring out your other mental issues.
I'd suggest to go partying, if you want contacts with opposite sex. At the parties, girls are usually in the mood, and if you perhaps drink a shot or two, it's not hard to get the vibe , even if you are socially anxious. Although when you go parting only with the intention of getting contacts from opposite sex, you are doomed from the beginning! If you set your focus on that , it only adds fuel to the flames of anxiety. At first, find some innocent activities like chatting with friends, dancing, and keep your mind on it. Later on , when you get the party mood from these little party activities, engaging with the opposite sex comes on the way naturally :yes

How to get to the parties ? well, there are very many ways , but belonging to a group of friends , tracking down school events, club events if you go to one etc. is the easiest.


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## PainisLove (Nov 28, 2009)

that is a really bad thesis , do not be yourself? YOU need to be yourself, be in control, but with chicks you can spit game if you can articulate your self, thoughts opinions well and lead her to believe what u will sure.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

congrats on the progress.


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## Fashionist (Aug 1, 2011)

Happy for you, dude. I thought it was entertaining that you knew she was pretending to be asleep - I do that sometimes too but only one guy ever noticed.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm happy for you.


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## Marakunda (Jun 7, 2011)

Sounds awesome man...
Thanks for a bit of hope, if you can do it, I can do it!

Congrats!


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Miikser18 said:


> I never thought that romance was something to ever reach to me , but today I invited a girl over that I had been hanging out with 4-5 times previously.
> 
> Then she showed initiative that she was single again and was no longer a ***** she was the third time we went out.
> 
> ...


Good for you!

I'll first need to find how to contact a girl. Parties? Hmm, I don't even know anyone to go out partying with because school/uni is well over. Damn it, looks like I'm going to have to work on my sa making friends first and how to connect with people. Without the ability to connect all I can hope for is meaningless and drunken sex with the most loose girl around.
The next problem is overcoming the sheer terror of going on a date. Stuff drinking or meds. I'll be damned if I'll do something like that again. If I was able to get a girl on my bed and she plays dead, it great because I prefer her to play the passive role.... one move from her and I'll shy up. Don't be myself... good advice. Being myself has gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Girls and guys were made for each other. I don't know where the idea that wanting sex and romance from a girl is somehow "using" her. Don't buy into that bs... the girl is getting as much fun from it as a guy. Omg, it so offensive for a guy to want sex these days.

I know the feeling of searching the net for what mental disorder(s) I may have. I had thought I had schizophenia, aspergers, borderline, and a few others. even if I do, big deal. I don't see the reasin it should stop me from doing what I really want to. It's the mind playing tricks and coming up with ingenius ways to avoid its fears.


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## ForeverStallone (Apr 4, 2011)

Miikser18 said:


> I never thought that romance was something to ever reach to me , but today I invited a girl over that I had been hanging out with 4-5 times previously. First three times happened some time ago but she got together with her ex and then I was really disappointed and my ever re-occurring depression hit me that time really hard. I got a strong headache purely because of thinking negative thoughts! Then she showed initiative that she was single again and was no longer a ***** she was the third time we went out.
> 
> Fastforward to today, I invited her over. I laid her on my bed and she started pretending being asleep. I was just next to her thinking what the hell am I supposed to do? I didn't know what to do other than to stroke her face with my hands and just hold on to her. She didn't stop the pretend sleep so I continued with kissing her cheek, her neck, because I have heard pickup advice that this turns girls on. I went on with that for a long time, then while kissing her face I slowly moved towards her lips with my lips. I was prepared for rejection, but to my surprise, she kissed me back. *Later I kissed the other areas of her body, almost moved for oral but just few inches before really getting down there she resisted. Not resolutely, but I cared for her and didn't want to go against her will.*
> 
> ...


Congrats man.

That was just token resistance. She has to do that so she doesn't seem easy. You could've pushed through that by backing off a bit then trying again. Some girls will resent you more if you give up easily than if you're persistent.

The 'be yourself' advice is only flawed when you think your anxiety filled self is you being yourself. You actually were being yourself, the true self when you kissed her.


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## forex (Dec 29, 2010)

nice story


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## Miikser18 (Jul 12, 2011)

jimity said:


> Good for you!
> 
> I'll first need to find how to contact a girl. Parties? ...


Yeah , parties is the easy way to go. You can also try looking up girls from other types of events or club activities. To lessen the anxiety, you could first come up with a reason or a question related to something you were/she was doing at the moment, last one works even at the parties.



ForeverStallone said:


> Congrats man.
> 
> That was just token resistance. She has to do that so she doesn't seem easy. You could've pushed through that by backing off a bit then trying again. Some girls will resent you more if you give up easily than if you're persistent.
> 
> The 'be yourself' advice is only flawed when you think your anxiety filled self is you being yourself. You actually were being yourself, the true self when you kissed her.


Haha , perhaps it was true , she often plays hard to get with me, I can kind of see it through most of the times so when I ignore it good enough, she gives in eventually. 

Few years ago, I was so much immersed with anxiety that when someone said "be yourself", I figured that there's no use in that , because I was anxious most of the time anyway and I didn't know my true self that well. :roll That's why I told that piece of advice. And yeah, the true me has been a hopeless romantic since the very young age, just that the anxiety had been devouring that side of me so I was afraid to show it out until last few months . . 



forex said:


> nice story


Hey , thanks ! 



PainisLove said:


> that is a really bad thesis , do not be yourself? YOU need to be yourself, be in control, but with chicks you can spit game if you can articulate your self, thoughts opinions well and lead her to believe what u will sure.


Didn't get your point well enough . . 
If you were doubting in my "not being yourself advice" , it's explained on the above .



andy1984 said:


> congrats on the progress.


Thank you ! 



Fashionist said:


> Happy for you, dude. I thought it was entertaining that you knew she was pretending to be asleep - I do that sometimes too but only one guy ever noticed.


So what the other guys thought about your pretend asleep to be ? 

If to be honest, reading into the signs thing is pretty new to me , and much more entertaining than girls who throw themselves onto me. Guys should be chasing the girls , not vice versa 



WintersTale said:


> I'm happy for you.


Well thanks again ! 



Skylaishot said:


> Sounds awesome man...
> Thanks for a bit of hope, if you can do it, I can do it!
> 
> Congrats!


I am quite ordinary socially awkward guy who had read some pick up advice and managed to make it happen along with some courage involved with asking the girl out (I have used the instant messenger medium almost every time, but hey, it's the 21th century! ). I have several mental issues to disturb me, but when the situation is happening you forget the issues and interacting with the girl only comes down to a little bit of your social skills.

Good luck to you ! I hope you find the motivation from here and some courage within yourself to go for it !


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## Fashionist (Aug 1, 2011)

> So what the other guys thought about your pretend asleep to be ?
> 
> If to be honest, reading into the signs thing is pretty new to me , and much more entertaining than girls who throw themselves onto me. Guys should be chasing the girls , not vice versa


When I was pretending to be asleep, they thought I was really asleep. One time, a guy farted while I was "sleeping." Hahahaha.


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## kos (May 19, 2009)

ForeverStallone said:


> The 'be yourself' advice is only flawed when you think your anxiety filled self is you being yourself. You actually were being yourself, the true self when you kissed her.


This.

I'd also like to give advice to not take advice from an 18 year old lol.


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## hypestyle (Nov 12, 2003)

> Fastforward to today, I invited her over. I laid her on my bed and she started pretending being asleep


Pause. It happened, just like that? Hmmm, I don't know. She went straight from your front door to the bedroom? did you invite her or did she go on her own? Was she already plastered? I need some broader context here..
the way my luck works...In my case, even if the bed-plop happened uninitiated, I'd be too nervous to try anything, in the back of my head, I'd see a sitcom scenario where as soon as I 'move in', her eyes pop open, _"what the hell are you doing!?!",_ she storms out, and I probably start panicking wondering if she's going to call police..


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## ForeverStallone (Apr 4, 2011)

http://postmasculine.com/just-be-yourself


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

^Be yourself. Plain and simple. She is gonna have to get to know you anyway. Lies aren't cool.


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