# My attempts at getting a girlfriend



## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I'm in my late 20s and have been single my whole life. It's because I haven't put myself out there. I have read the pick up artist material as well as "How to approach women" articles online. However, I want to just be myself and find someone who can like me for who I am (Not what lines/techniques I have memorized/implemented). I have gotten to the point where I'm sick of being alone and I am going to share my approaches with you all. By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.

Approach 1 (10/31):
I was walking the park today and a woman slowly jogging in the opposite direction of me, caught my attention. When she passed me, I turned back to look at her. Normally, I would have kept walking in the opposite direction but I reached the point where I wanted to try to approach her. I ended up walking in her direction and she kept getting farther and farther. So, I ended up running after her. I caught up to her and passed her because I didn't want to stalk her from behind. Then, I stopped running and walked so she could catch up to me. When she would catch up to me, I would start running again. The whole time, I was thinking of what to say to her (She had headphones on also). The whole me running ahead of her and walking for her to catch up to me happened for about 15 min.

Later, no matter how much I slowed down, she would not pass me. I then turned back around and saw that she had headed towards the middle of the park. Instead of directly following her, I walked a bit of a distance away from her and then decided to approach her. As I got near her, she turned her neck around to face me. This is what happened:

Me: "Hey, how's it going?"
Woman: (Who seemed a little uncomfortable by me IMO) said, "Good"
Me: "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just wanted to say that you look nice." (I felt that I had creeped her out by waiting so long to talk to her, so my goal was to just give her a compliment and walk away)
*Brief awkward silence*
Woman (smiling): Thanks, I just had a baby and I'm trying to lose some weight.
Me: "I'm trying to lose weight too, I walk around the park but don't seem to be losing any weight."

Then we talked about eating habits and exercise

Me: "Well, nice talking to you" (Bummed that she had a husband/boyfriend. I guess... even though she didn't mention one, I assumed that her just having a kid meant she had a man)
Woman (Extending her hand out to me, without me initiating it): "I'm _________, what's your name? I'll see you around the park."
Me: "Bye" (Or something like that)

I then walked away without looking back at her. I felt proud of myself for having the courage to talk to her. I knew that if I didn't say anything to her, I would be bummed on my ride home.


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

Well done!


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## PersonPersoning (Oct 5, 2013)

Nice job i hope to read some more stories from you (in this thread?) Im also experiencing a similar situation in life. This is inspirational to me. Remember that on your next approach youve got a whole team with you.


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## jvanb00c (Apr 13, 2012)

Good on you man. I think I need to start something like this. I'm 30 and need to start acting now before I hit 40 year old virgin status.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

franklin86 said:


> By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.


 The problem with that is that you will get rejected 99.9% of the time by women who you cold approach. That would hurt many men's self esteem. It's better to only approach women who show some signs of being intertested in you.


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## LoungeFly (Jun 25, 2011)

I'm happy to read you reached out like that. That is a good way to start meeting people. My hopes is sometime soon I can do that.


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## typicalanimal (Oct 15, 2013)

Personally I think it was a bit creepy to hover around her like like that when you were both running. You could have just approached her at first, not... well errr "stalk" her for that little while you were running. 

Please don't take this the wrong way but part of the reason she was nice to you might be that she thought you could be some kind of psychopath who she wouldn't want to piss off.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

typicalanimal said:


> Personally I think it was a bit creepy to hover around her like like that when you were both running. You could have just approached her at first, not... well errr "stalk" her for that little while you were running.
> 
> Please don't take this the wrong way but part of the reason she was nice to you might be that she thought you could be some kind of psychopath who she wouldn't want to piss off.


Well, she had headphones on and I tried not to stalk her by staying in front of her. When I approached her, she wasn't running and had her headphones off. So if I didn't stay near her the whole time, I probably wouldn't have seen her walk off towards the middle of the park and then I wouldn't have approached her (Since I assume headphones = Don't ask me out).

Anyways, she said that may see me around, which is really nice to say if she did think I was a psychopath.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

I'd personally feel very, very uncomfortable if a stranger suddenly started trying to talk to me while I was exercising in a park. While I applaud your courage, I do think that it would be a better idea to join an activity group of some sort and meet people through that.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

She stopped exercising when I approached her. Also, I don't want to join a group in hopes of meeting someone. If I see someone that I like, I want to be able to talk to them. I doubt every couple have met through work, activities, and friends. Some are total strangers. I just need to figure out what those guys have that I don't.


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## compasstrail (Nov 4, 2013)

Talking to girls in public has always ended badly for me. Not sure how else you get to know someone, though. Maybe you just gotta try, even if it ends in handcuffs and restraining orders? (kidding)


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## Trident44 (Nov 3, 2013)

Meeting girls in public only works if you're witty and smooth enough to do it without coming off as a complete creep or a stalker. 

Otherwise, meeting girls should be reserved in settings where you're socializing heavily... bars, clubs, parties...


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

Trident44 said:


> Meeting girls in public only works if you're witty and smooth enough to do it without coming off as a complete creep or a stalker.
> 
> Otherwise, meeting girls should be reserved in settings where you're socializing heavily... bars, clubs, parties...


I'm sure not so outgoing guys meet women in places other than bars, clubs, and parties. It's really just a numbers game. Also, I would still need to attract women in those places as well. What I need to work on is talking to them like regular people (No compliment), getting a conversation going for 10 minutes, and asking them questions about themselves. I think if I can do those things, rapport will be built and my chances of getting a number will be much higher.


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm waiting to hear about attempt 2


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

Approach 2 (11/5):
I was at the park again and saw a cute woman jogging towards me. I then pretended to stretch and turned around to get a nice look at her dairy aire. Then I went in her direction and ran passed her. I started to walk and then she jogged by me. Then I ran again passed her and she ended up jogging next to me and then she slowed down. As I was walking next to her, this is what happened:

Me: "Does your body itch when you run? (My body was actually itching)"
Woman (reaching in her pocket to grab her phone and put her music on pause): What?
Me: "Sorry, Does your body itch when you run?"
Woman (smiling): No
Me:" "Well mine does, which is annoying since I'm trying to lose weight. I wonder if itching is common."
Woman: "I don't think so, must be some reaction."
Me: "Maybe it's hair?"
Woman: "Maybe."

Then a small voice in my head said that I'm bugging her. It said, she is trying to work out. So, I quit talking to her.

Then I ran passed her and let her pass me on and off for about an hour. When the two of us were next to each other, she never looked in my direction. Her eyes were always straight ahead. I really wanted her to look approachable but it never happened. Eventually, I lost track of her (I ran ahead of her, turned back and she was gone.) I think she may have decided to jog in the opposite direction but I'm not sure.

I'm proud of myself for not coming on in a horny way (With a compliment). I attempted to have a regular conversation, which I wish I kept going. If she would have seemed interested in me (Asked me questions, told me about herself, etc.), I may have asked her for her number. I wish this wasn't so hard...


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

Nice.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Are you sure it wasn't so hard?


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

Steve-300 said:


> Are you sure it wasn't so hard?


I should have used frustrating instead. I guess I need to try a new venue because not many people in the park seem approachable. This approach was easier than the first one. When I hesitate, I tend to over think and then I play different scenarios in my head. I'm trying to be like a kid who says things without thinking.


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

Good confidence man. I am currently trying to work on being able to talk to a girl that i have wanted to meet for like 2 months. Each day i tell myself that i will talk to her, but then when the time comes in which i have the chance, i get too nervous and talk myself out of it. Today when i got to my next class after not having the courage to meet her, i was really sad and nearly started crying. I don't want that to happen again. I must try to meet her tomorrow.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

For me, the pain of not trying is becoming worse than facing rejection/ being uncomfortable. I know that if I do nothing, nothing will happen. Even when I do get rejected, I see it as a confidence builder. Also it allows me to move on to someone else.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I asked to be permanently banned because I find myself being drawn to some of the negative threads which is starting to bother me. Also, a lot of the comments about how it's creepy/inappropriate for me to approach strangers and ask them out (That aren't in bars, clubs, or activities), is really pissing me off. I deserve to be happy and I don't want to meet people in places that I hate! If women get mad at me for approaching them, I don't care!! Good luck everybody.


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## LeeMann (Nov 29, 2012)

Good job, Mr. Franklin. But damn those earphones. They are pushy.

Even if you don't succeed soon in getting a girlfriend the attempts by themselves are triumphs. So keep up the workout. I am sure there will be attempt 3 soon.


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## cubanscorpio (Jun 30, 2010)

wow, i really thought things would go bad by the way you approached things. following her and stuff. seemed kinda stalky. but was surprised by her reacting. willing to talk and shake hands. 

good job pushing urself past ur fears


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I saw for the 2nd time, a woman that I was attracted to at the park. The first time I saw her was 6 weeks ago (Prior to me doing the 2 approaches). Like the other women, she was jogging, wore headphones, and had sunglasses on. She was also jogging in the opposite direction of me, and I turned around to get closer to her (I had to run because I didn't turn back around to follow her right away). Anyways, I chickened out and didn't even talk to her, despite being around her for 20 minutes. The times the two of us were near each other, she would either get off the sidewalk and go towards the road or move off towards the grass. When the sidewalk would fork in other directions, she always chose the path, opposite of me. I don't get how I can meet people when no one appears to want to be approached. Should I just give up trying to meet women at the park? I think I would like to meet a woman there because we already have 2 things in common (Exercise and being outdoors). Maybe if I was better looking, they would look at me? This woman paid no attention to me at all. I noticed that as she was leaving the park (She didn't travel by car), she turned around to check to see if I would follow her. I bet she thinks I'm a stalker ugh. I know I need to not hesitate (The pick up artist rule is approach within 3 seconds). However, how is it best to approach a woman that is wearing headphones and is exercising?

HELP! I'm getting so discouraged and frustrated. I don't want to go to a bar or a club. I also don't want to join an activity either (I would have to get lucky and find someone that I'm attracted to). I just want to be able to ask out women that are attractive, that I don't know. Since they are the ones that I see all of the time.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

I like this thread.

Btw, OP.Your itching while running sometimes is an allergic reaction.When a person first starts exercising it happens sometimes.


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## the collector (Aug 15, 2010)

It wud be so cool to start a daygame and nightgame group.Basically, a group of SA guys who encourage each other and compete with each other in approaching and getting dates with women.


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## Seekrit (Nov 7, 2013)

If you want some good pointers send me a pm. You aren't going to get a girlfriend by chasing joggers all over town. This is simply a beginners mistake, so don't take it personally.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

Seekrit said:


> If you want some good pointers send me a pm. You aren't going to get a girlfriend by chasing joggers all over town. This is simply a beginners mistake, so don't take it personally.


You can post them here for all to see.

I saw my crush today at the grocery store but was too chicken to say hi to her. She was with a friend and didn't bring her baby along. I wonder if that means that her man was watching the kid. Maybe her mom was looking after the baby? I wasn't as nervous standing next to her as I was in the past which I consider a minor victory. I wish I knew what to say to her and how to create attraction and rapport to get her interested in me.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I went to the park today and saw no one I wanted to ask out. I then went to the mall and found a cute lady working in a shop. The place was called "Village Idiot" and they had tiki men, cheap jewelry, and lots of signs about beer. Basically it had a lot of crap in it.

Me (entering store)
Lady: "Hello"
Me: Hi
Me (looking at stuff and approaching the counter)
Me: "I'm just checking out whats in here. I've never been in this store. You got cool stuff."
Lady: "Thanks"

I then left the store.

I guess theres a part of me that fears rejection. So, I never actually ask people out or show them obvious signs that I'm interested in them (Teasing or touching). I have this feeling that no woman could actually be interested in me based on my looks or my approach. That, I just don't offer them enough intrigue or whatever to make them want to give me a chance. Also, she was at work, so I know that she has to be nice to me plus she can't just ignore or run away from me.

I probably should have commented on her teenage mutant ninja turtle shirt. Maybe something like, "I sure do miss the '90s. That had so many great shows back then."

After that happened, I sat in the food court in front of a Hooters. One of the ladies there made eye contact with me a few times and then walked away. When she walked away, she exuberantly moved her hips back and forth. My gut tells me, she was thinking, "Oh another creeper who sits close by and just stares at us. He didn't even buy any food either!"

I then went to the library to return a book and I walked around hoping to find a cute lady looking at books. I found none and then I walked the park again and found no one either. This is so frustrating.


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## zenislev (Nov 16, 2013)

i am facing somewhat similar issue , i don't date for fun , 
beyond doing the first impressions , which something i managed to do very good so far , sometimes even without trying , i really don't go anywhere further , since is slightly harder than talking to men ( no swearing , no aggressive talk ) and if i was rejected , i really don't care much anymore 
I don't want to play girls for experience , if i really don't like that girl , i wouldn't do more than first impressions . That's where the problem starts , beyond that point i am basically clueless , lack confidence , can't tell if she likes me or not , underestimating performance ... which seems to create the impression i am some kind of a Jerk 
i seek my friends advice i am very slow to trust people , and talk about my personal stuff like that to very few people ( 2 maybe 3 ) which are not that experienced to be honest 

so since i fixed my speech defect , i had 2 tries with 2 girls seems each time i go further , i only needs one try to make it good the next time . what is painful that i really liked each one of them ,

but the first impression play really helped my self confidence issues . 

i am following your progress , you really have little to lose when you're talking to a stranger outside your sphere , stay critical of your performance , always look at her body language 

there could be plenty of explanations for that lady that looked at you , don't overthink about since clearly you don't have that much ''data''


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I also worry about what would happen even if I can get a date. How do I keep the person interested in me? It's one thing to get someone interested in me after talking to them for a few minutes. Keeping them intrigued for hours sounds impossible to me. I guess the perfect relationship for me would be just no strings attached sex.


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## zenislev (Nov 16, 2013)

sorry i am not a native english speaker , i didn't double check the post before submitting it ( too many grammar mistakes )


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## zenislev (Nov 16, 2013)

franklin86 said:


> . Keeping them intrigued for hours sounds impossible to me.


that's a mistake , i am pretty sure than that person faces similar issues 
eventually you will have to be yourself and talk


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## PainisLove (Nov 28, 2009)

try and visualize scenarios in ur mind.. what u can say for possible pick ups and then do em.. but great job on not being straight forward.. like yo let me get your # u look fine thas the wrong approach.


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## CallMeTroy (Nov 15, 2013)

You could always return to the store another day and if you're lucky she'll be working. Then maybe buy some cheap product for an excuse to talk to her, then if she is wearing another pop culture t-shirt you could try and start up a conversation on that or just talk about whatever product you are buying. If you feel it's going well maybe ask if she wants to do something after work. Easier said than done I know but could be worth it.

I am following your attempts and must say you are defiantly heading in the right direction so just be persistent. I too am unexperienced with girls and hope to follow in your footsteps soon.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I need to figure out how to connect with these people better. I don't want friendly small talk. I actually want to get to know them and make them attracted to me. I wish I knew how to go about doing this without resorting to a pick up artist type routine.


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## arao6 (Jul 12, 2013)

I'll let you all in on a little secret.

I had a friend who was a "playa" (or, should I say, womanizer). He taught me something about women that I will never forget. In fact, I have a girlfriend because of him. He said that the "secret to getting in her pants" was to _take command_. There should be NO uncertainty or nervousness in your voice or facial expressions. Your ego and confidence should manifest with your body language. You should _never_ keep a conversation going for too long--instead, at the point that the conversation reaches a peak (the girl is very intrigued or laughing or whatever), you should tell her that you want to keep in touch, ask her for her number, and _leave_. He used to stress the leaving part. The less you are with the girl, the less of a chance your awkwardness and nervousness would rub off on her. After that, he said, it all depends on how we carry out future conversations because we need to find ways to keep the girl interested. Most of all, he said, it is how you _appear_ that determines if a woman will feel any attraction. A confident, leaderly appearance (even if you are shaking like a coward in your head) is _very_ important. One wrong facial expression or nervous look is a big subconscious turn off, he stressed.

I tried it, after a couple of rejections, hell it worked 8)


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

i saw my crush again but didn't approach her. I always catch her at the worst of times. I was walking towards something and she came in my direction perpendicular to me. I didn't know it was her until she got close. Then I shook, felt weak, and didn't talk to her. I know I'll see her again. I wonder why she always shops alone and with her kid.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I saw two women at the park today that were talking about introversion, analyzing people, and wishing to add a social gene to children. Of course, I wanted to jump in on there conversation. I was walking next to them but a few feet apart (I was on the sidewalk; they were on the road and some grass separated us). For 30 seconds, I had butterflies and didn't say anything to them. Then, I jumped in their conversation (and the butterflies went away). It went like this.

Me: I can relate to being an introvert. It's hard meeting people when they are already in their social circles. It feels weird going out trying to make friends. It's hard making friends after school.

The two ladies (agreeing with me): Yeah, it's harder when you get older. It's also tough if you just moved.

I wish I had followed up with questions such as:

Are you ladies introverts? Did you two just move here? 

I only spoke to them for about 30 seconds but I felt good about myself. I wish I had closed the conversation with:

"I'm franklin86 btw, nice chatting with you two." or "I'm franklin86, I walk the park here each morning. If you all would like a friend, I'm willing to offer you my friendship ."

Oh well... I consider it a small victory. I just need to force myself to actually ask people out and stop ending the conversations so soon (I always think people don't want to be bothered with me).


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## Zil (Feb 5, 2011)

Good job man, I'm sure that today you are looking at your past self and definitely see an improvement over your ability to engage in a conversation with someone.

As for the previous posts, I don't think it's fair to criticize your approach or the context within which you perform these attempts. As long as it comes from the heart with good intentions then there's no reason to stop. Who knows, maybe one day all of those girls will have talked to their friends about you and you will build a reputation, you are trying and that's what counts.

I've noticed that you often go on with "I should have used this word or said that". Don't be too harsh on yourself, we all blunder and you shouldn't beat yourself for this, with every experience you can only fine tune your bantering techniques.

I will admit though, it could be a good idea to explore other area's like bars or perhaps find something you like to do(just for yourself) that involves being in groups. Cause I understand you, there's no point in doing activities with the sole purpose of reaching out to girls, you will get bored and girls are sensitive to body language, if you aren't passionate they won't find you attractive. 


As for these forums, I used to come here because I had social handicaps. I didn't post often so I can't say I've received the personal attention I needed, but I had the mentality that I wanted to get out of it on my own. Seeing other people striving for better days or just showing small daily improvements motivated me to work on myself. Now that I'm fully cured(My life is almost 100% the way I wanted it) I come around to give back to the community with positive suggestions or just rooting for people.


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## spades07 (Feb 23, 2011)

hey-inspiring reading. Although I reckon something like a running club would be perfect to sort of join.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I saw crush #2 at work today (I find several customers attractive lol). I was walking with a cart of empty cardboard and she was ahead of me. She looked lost (She was looking up at the aisle numbers). She then headed back in my direction and this is what happened:

Me (Looking at her and smiling)
Her (Making eye contact and smiling at me)

Me: Hey, you need help finding anything?
Her: No thanks (She walked away)

That was it...

I was hoping she would have needed help and then I could have walked her to the item. I would have then said, "So, how was your day?" and after that, not sure... I then saw her at the register playing with her smartphone. So, maybe she has a man. I'll keep talking to her though each time I see her. I would like to build rapport though and get passed just being a friendly employee. I wish people would want me as much as I want them.

Also on a side note, I forced myself to smile a lot more today and people were friendlier towards me (I even had a few customers greet me first). I made an effort to talk more to my associates (Ask questions, make comments, etc).

I'm almost certain I'm going to see crush #1 (The lady with the kid) tomorrow. I really hope I talk to her. Even though I'm 99% sure she is in a relationship and I doubt I'll ever ask her out (Or any customer). Just talking to her will make me feel better about myself.

I think next week I'm going to hang out at the bowling alley at night and hope to meet some women there (During galactic bowling).


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## paleasian (Dec 3, 2013)

Dude you are me right now!! Im 20 aswell and never been in a relatiop with a woman. i love what youre doing here and im trying to do the same thing just taking a different appriach to get me motivated by not watching porn or looking at pics of hot girls (punishing myself for not approaching girls irl). Cant wait for more stories man! Im glad were crossing paths with our lives being so similar now!

Also i noticed that both times u went to the park the women were wearing ear buds. maybe you could ask what theyre listening to as a convo starter if it happens again? Just an idea


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

franklin86 said:


> I'm in my late 20s and have been single my whole life. It's because I haven't put myself out there. I have read the pick up artist material as well as "How to approach women" articles online. However, I want to just be myself and find someone who can like me for who I am (Not what lines/techniques I have memorized/implemented). I have gotten to the point where I'm sick of being alone and I am going to share my approaches with you all. By approaching strangers, I hope to become more confident and break out of the "I'm not good enough for anyone" mentality.
> 
> Approach 1 (10/31):
> I was walking the park today and a woman slowly jogging in the opposite direction of me, caught my attention. When she passed me, I turned back to look at her. Normally, I would have kept walking in the opposite direction but I reached the point where I wanted to try to approach her. I ended up walking in her direction and she kept getting farther and farther. So, I ended up running after her. I caught up to her and passed her because I didn't want to stalk her from behind. Then, I stopped running and walked so she could catch up to me. When she would catch up to me, I would start running again. The whole time, I was thinking of what to say to her (She had headphones on also). The whole me running ahead of her and walking for her to catch up to me happened for about 15 min.
> ...





franklin86 said:


> Approach 2 (11/5):
> I was at the park again and saw a cute woman jogging towards me. I then pretended to stretch and turned around to get a nice look at her dairy aire. Then I went in her direction and ran passed her. I started to walk and then she jogged by me. Then I ran again passed her and she ended up jogging next to me and then she slowed down. As I was walking next to her, this is what happened:
> 
> Me: "Does your body itch when you run? (My body was actually itching)"
> ...


if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.


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## paleasian (Dec 3, 2013)

Dont focus on the nagative nancy trolls man. the more you approach the more youll learn! Its as simple as that! Wether the comment is good or bad it means nothing becuase only you can choose wether you countinue on your quest or not!


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I know my approaches aren't that good. I don't look up "openers" like a lot of people.


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## NYCKid (Dec 8, 2013)

prettyful said:


> if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.


This. :afr


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## zenislev (Nov 16, 2013)

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prettyful said:


> if you approached me like this, i would think you were a creep/weirdo.


no the starting sentence is a bit problematic , itching is not exactly something i would share with people since it can be a sign of certain dirtiness related deceases here , but that is just me , a medical student 
If this can be associated frequently to any bad sign in USA then change it 
i wouldn't ask someone if his body itches when runs personally 
since it can be interpreted badly here

but it's still better than nothing , or not approaching in the first place having courage to do it is great 
, but it was a nice try

one of the plan B i use is to tell here : ''that felt a bit creepy didn't it ? maybe i should had tried something else , it's hard starting conversation with someone that looks interesting ''
or maybe 



so telling her i was trying to start a conversation and failed

why would you do that ??? now if he started following around or starting scratching his balls i would agree with you ,


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## zenislev (Nov 16, 2013)

this is one of the best thread here , someone critical wants to improve , keep the good work and remember you have SA , so naturally you will under-evaluate your performance , try to rate it higher than what you would do , keep positive thinking


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## Morumot (Sep 21, 2011)

NYCKid said:


> This. :afr


This x2


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## paleasian (Dec 3, 2013)

zenislev said:


> this is one of the best thread here , someone critical wants to improve , keep the good work and remember you have SA , so naturally you will under-evaluate your performance , try to rate it higher than what you would do , keep positive thinking


Eh idj about this. ive always heard for people with SA any small victory should be celebrated and you should build off that momentum which increases your confidence.


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I'm better than I was. I still need to actually ask people out on a date/number. It's just, I feel like I don't build enough rapport/attraction to ask them out. I'm afraid it'll come on as being too strong and repulse them.


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## paleasian (Dec 3, 2013)

Look up justin wayne his day game is amazing and he escalates so fast the girls are on a date and barely realize it lol. i tried doing it but i always forget when the time comes


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I want to just be myself and not follow routines or rules. I feel like I'm a little bit missed up from reading some of the pick up artist material (I analyze way more than I normally do when interacting with women).


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## franklin86 (Oct 31, 2013)

I had a few small victories today. Anything that I do outside of what I normally would have done (Say nothing, don't look at people, never smile), is what I consider a victory. These are my 3 victories this morning.

Victory 1)
I went to the park like usual and I noticed they had a film crew there. After walking around where they were stationed a couple of times, I finally spoke to one of the members of the crew. This is what happened:

Me: Are you all filming a commercial?
Crew member: Yeah, we're filming a Bright House commercial (Cable company)?
Me (joking): Can I be in the commercial?
Crew member (laughing): I wish.
Me *raising my fist up and shaking it*: They (Bright House) charge too much!
Crew member (agreeing): Tell me about, I pay $200/mo (Twice as much as I do), I feel I'm getting even with them by working for them.
Me: You should get the service for free
Crew member: Yeah, well there paying me good for being out here.
Me (Going back on my walk)
Crew member: You have a good day.
Me: You too

Victory 2)
At the park, I saw a very attractive lady jogging with headphones (Why do they always jog and wear headphones?). Anyways, she was jogging towards me and I forced myself to smile and maintain eye contact with her (It was easier since both of us had sunglasses on). I was going to say "Good morning" but I figured she wouldn't be able to hear me. As she got near me, she said good morning to me first. 

We passed each other a second time, and by now I was genuinely smiling and feeling good, and again she said good morning to me. I passed her two more times after that and she didn't say good morning to me, but she did maintain eye contact and smiled at me both times (I know this doesn't mean anything since most people will smile at you if you smile at them. However, it did make me feel good).

Victory 3)
After the park, I went to the grocery store and in the check out line there was a guy yelling at his girlfriend. He was pointing his finger at her and arguing with her about not getting in her friend's business (He said something like if she want's to get fired then that's her problem). I could tell the cashier was thinking the same thing that I was (Wow this guy is a jerk for talking to his girlfriend like that). So when I checked out, I shifted my eyes over to the right (Where the couple had just been) and made a weird face (A wow I can't believe that just happened type of face). The cashier smiled and we shard that moment together.

I'm hoping for victory 4 today at work. I didn't see my crush on Sunday and there is a good chance I'm going to see her today or tomorrow. I just need to say something to her. That way I won't come home and feel like crap for not have making any attempt.


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## dcaffeine (Oct 26, 2013)

Watch this. It may help. It may not. It has helped me though.


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## Droidsteel (Mar 22, 2012)

I like this thread 

Looking forward to your next report franklin86


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## Pieter1992 (May 4, 2013)

hey man, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice here.
I'm not an expert at all but i did watch a tons of those so called 'pick up' videos and i made a few attempts myself.
But ofcourse this is easier said than done.anyways..

Next time you approach a girl in the park:
DON'T wait 30 minutes to talk to her. 
DON'T 'chase' her while jogging or let her catch up with you.
Just stop her from jogging and tell her you wanted to talk to her cause you thought she looks pretty (be clear, state your intentions and girls love compliments).
Then try to chat her up and ask for her number. People are social animals after all.

and if everything fails, try this:




^^


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## Clear and Cold and Dry (Dec 10, 2013)

Hey Franklin, I've read a lot of your posts. I'm really impressed with all of the work you put in. You really remind me of myself when I was struggling with social anxiety. The effort you put in is really impressive. I had a lot of social anxiety throughout most of my childhood, but starting when I was 15, I really wanted to be able to make more friends, become more persuasive, and in general, get happy. So I read the bible, I think, for getting rid of social anxiety, which is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Seriously read it, it honestly changed my life. It's a really good starting point.

Now, what I've found is the most important thing for getting to know people is being interested in them. Like, genuinely interested in them. It was hard for me at the beginning because I wanted the person I was talking to to like me. But as a rule, people will like you if you like them. And even if they don't, which happens, it's no big deal, you just figure that person and you aren't compatible, and you move on.

Now, if you have social anxiety, I'd say that you should first focus on building friendships with people before romantic relationships. Of course, it depends on how bad your SA is, but friendships are a necessity, both for your self-esteem and for teaching you about relationships. Relationships with a girl, in my mind, are just super-close friendships with sexual attraction thrown in. Friendship teaches you the fundamentals.

Now, because your focus is on dating and sex, I'm gonna give you some advice on what I've found and works for me.

I think that going and talking to random women is a great idea for overcoming SA. I used to do it. I did get a few numbers, and a few dates, but most of the girls in your life you'll meet at parties or through friends or through organizations and clubs. Try and join some of those if you haven't already. Drama is really good for meeting girls, join a community theater. It also helps social anxiety, takes you out of yourself. This is just one idea, whatever works for you.

First of all, the whole "pickup artist" thing is not very helpful for someone with SA in my mind. It may get you laid occasionally, but more because it's a number game than it's such a great system. Its focus in general is superficial and misogynistic, two things no girl you want to date finds attractive. I know a guy who I used to be friends with in high school that turned out like that, and let me tell you, he has never had a successful relationship, and all his friends and any group he's a part of think of him as a scumbag.

A lot of the appeal of the hook up artist comes from the idea that "nice guys finish last". Everyone's been there- you are so nice to a girl, but then you get friend zoned for some *******. It does have some truth to it, but it needs some serious amending. First of all, girls are not some monolithic block. Girls are very divergent on what they find as attractive in a guy's personality. I've known a lot of girls that love *******s, partly for the drama, and partly because they're jerks themselves. Any girl like that, you don't even want. Second of all, out of the girls that you do want for a relationship, you want to be confident, happy to be around her, and make her feel special by taking an extreme interest in her. At this point, you just have to hope she takes an interest in you. This is the key point. A relationship has to be reciprocal. If you find yourself super involved in her life, but she never talks about yours or takes any interest in you, then make a polite exit, and move onto someone else. The best relationship you'll ever have is when she makes you can't get enough of her, and she can't get enough of you. I've had it, and believe me, it was the best thing in the world.

Anyways, good luck man! Keep up the good work!


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## Rodin (May 11, 2011)

Congrats. You remind me of myself when I was younger. You have some balls hitting up joggers though - that's not exactly easy even for experienced guys because the girl's mind is intensely focused on something else. You have to overcome the fact that you just pulled her out of that mental state. Keep to easier stuff - like cashiers/clerks.

Overall it looks like you're moving in the direction of just having fun and enjoying interactions with people. Good job.

As for the pua thing - there is so much info out there. Some good, some bad. I recommend an e-book called "models" by Mark Manson. Great for someone that's wants to be genuine.


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