# Are the shy/socially anxious nicer?



## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

In general, do you think shy/socially anxious people are nicer than "normal" or outgoing people?


----------



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I said about the same cause it's impossible to judge just based on that... it depends on the person


----------



## sheppard2005 (Oct 9, 2008)

I said somewhat more so. This is kind of a rough one, from my point of view. I think we are, because we are so concerned about how we're coming off, that we're not offending. But, I think that people who don't understand SAS would say no. Sometimes we can come off as self absorbed or snobby to those who don't really know us. Not speaking for everyone, but that is my experience. Sorry if this is gibberish, still in the middle of a chardonney weekend!


----------



## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

Interesting question, dax. I really like what you posed.

Personally, I think shyness makes people a little more sensitive. And sensitive meaning as a good thing like noticing people making them more keen. And how this can help to be wise and therefore nice. Could be, perhaps? That's what I think.

Gerard


----------



## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

I think in public we're nicer, but in private I think we have desires to be mean.


----------



## dreamer222 (Jan 26, 2008)

I voted "Yes, much more so." In my experience, having social anxiety has made me more sympathetic to those who are rejected or ganged up upon by others. I try to treat everyone with respect, because I know how it feels not to be treated that way. I also try to see the best in people and not judge them immediately.

Despite all this, I'm not really sure if I'm _ perceived _ as a nice person. I guess sometimes I may appear cold and detached to others, but that's only until they get to know me.


----------



## kee (Sep 22, 2008)

My honesty tends to hurt people. So... I voted for equal.


----------



## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I would say equal.


----------



## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

As stated above, I think we're usually worried about other people's perceptions of us, so we try and be pretty accomodating in public. At least, I do. So I'll say somewhat so. In private though, I think it could be a totally different story.


----------



## Phobos (Jun 14, 2006)

It is my perception that those who know pain are liable to be nicer, because they understand better how horrible pain can be and they do not want to be like the thing/people who caused them pain.

An exception would be a psychopath/sociopath - these can suffer considerably and still be sadistic jerks.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I don't think people with SA are nicer than the general population; there's a lot of them, I'm sure, but I've encountered a lot of rude, terrible human beings who are shy. Take me, for instance. I have social anxiety and I'm a total ****.


----------



## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

No, they're not any nicer. They're just too shy/anxious to make a scene or put any attention on themselves.


----------



## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

njodis said:


> No, they're not any nicer. They're just too shy/anxious to make a scene or put any attention on themselves.


Not _necessarily_ any nicer. You can't make the assumption that everyone with SA isn't nicer than someone without it. In general though, I'd say some of us are nicer because we are more empathic.


----------



## EmpoweredByOne (Oct 11, 2008)

Not necessarily, it depends on the person. Although I think most of us are obsessed about not offending anyone or vice versa being offended. Thats what I get out of my problem anyway.


----------



## kiss (Jul 25, 2008)

I voted about the same.


----------



## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

No, socially anxious people arent nicer.


----------



## Tungsten (Dec 11, 2005)

I will say somewhat more so. People with SA are not necessarily more friendly than others but I do think that we have a lower percentage of complete obnoxious jerks than the general population.


----------



## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

I don't think there's going to be any real difference. Like shyvr6 people with SA are probably nicer in public because they're trying to avoid conflict.


----------



## Thunder (Nov 5, 2003)

In my experience not as nice. There is a lot of bitterness for one thing. You guys don't often get to see the dark side of people here like we do and I expect most of you would be shocked.


----------



## anonymid (Oct 16, 2005)

"About the same." I don't think there's a correlation one way or the other.


----------



## esoteric (Oct 25, 2008)

Niceness seems irrelevant to me since because that's really a relative term. Ever seen the person that comes off as being a little "too" nice? It It's all about how your being percieved and the people that your arround. It really depends on your deffinition of the word. From the standpoint that socially anxious people are usually extra carefull not to step on toes I would agree that they are nicer. From the perspective that they hold themselves back and it's difficult to connect with them I'd say that's not nice at all.


----------



## liarsclub (Aug 23, 2008)

--


----------



## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Thunder said:


> In my experience not as nice. There is a lot of bitterness for one thing. You guys don't often get to see the dark side of people here like we do and I expect most of you would be shocked.


Hmmmm ...I wonder though, whether the average person when placed in a difficult situation wouldn't break a lot of the time and show their dark side...?

I put: Not sure. I think it's one of those values that's too dynamic a thing to measure.


----------



## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

esoteric said:


> Niceness seems irrelevant to me since because that's really a relative term. Ever seen the person that comes off as being a little "too" nice? It It's all about how your being percieved and the people that your arround. It really depends on your deffinition of the word. From the standpoint that socially anxious people are usually extra carefull not to step on toes I would agree that they are nicer. From the perspective that they hold themselves back and it's difficult to connect with them I'd say that's not nice at all.


...what about also the impact of 'hard times', or even having to fight a disease that places extra strain and fractures someone's personality? Or, plain stress, etc...?

I figure that niceness is hard to measure, since most people can be pretty nice when they're not under much pressure. And then again, "pressure" is relative -what's "pressure" for one is fairly routine for another and not stressful. Whereas, in another situation, it may be the other way round.

...I don't much like questions like this. I prefer to think that people who are mean etc have a problem -even the ones who are more deliberate about it; and I like to leave it at that.


----------



## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

no


----------



## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

liarsclub said:


> I'm nice.


I'm nicer.


----------



## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

They're just as bad as everyone else on the planet. Anxiety doesn't make you a good person.


----------



## rascal (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm nicer and more sensitive to others than the average person. I get hurt easily so try not to hurt others.

But, when i get mad, I do believe I am meaner and more insensitive. Possibly from holding it in on other occasions.


----------



## SadRosesAreBeautiful (May 15, 2008)

I said "not sure" simply because it just depends on the individual


----------



## LittleRenee (Nov 4, 2008)

I said yes, much more so. If you notice one thing that is different about us is that we are not ones to judge others. We tend to listen, look deeper into the individual and let ourselves feel what they may be feeling. We often make excuses for others who seem to be out of the norm. The reason being is that we have been judged our whole lives, and we wish people can see who we really are and get past the "quiet, shy" selves that we are. We are very in tuned with others, we respect and the end result is that we are very sincere and kind.


----------



## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

^^I think that's true^^

In my case I tend to be reserved and empathetic and all that good stuff, but its born in part out of being unable to speak up. Then I reach my limit and I get nasty with people. 

I get a lot of "where did that come from?"


----------



## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Thunder said:


> In my experience not as nice. There is a lot of bitterness for one thing. You guys don't often get to see the dark side of people here like we do and I expect most of you would be shocked.


:um:afr


----------



## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

I agree with Thunder. I know of one guy that has SA and he is always feeling so jaded and think everyone in the world is against him. He can just find any slightest thing to be angry about and when he talk, he doesn't know any consequences and it can hurt people a lot. Yes, I have SA myself but really, it really doesn't give any of us ticket to hurt people unnecessarily. And I can't have a proper convo with him because he seems to be blocking out lots of things. Oh one thing very common in SA is that he seems kind of a nice person. But he isn't. He just don't want to get hurt too many times so he just try to be nice as an advantage over the normal ones.

Fact is, we are just suppressing our real self. We don't want to trigger our anxiety too much, that's why we seem 'peaceful' and 'nice'.


----------



## ColdFury (Nov 6, 2003)

No


----------



## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

Classified said:


> I'm nicer.


i'm the nicest.


----------



## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

ANCIENT said:


> i'm the nicest.


No way, I'm the nicest! 

:mum:evil:twak


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Thunder said:


> There is a lot of bitterness for one thing.


It's hard not to be bitter when your life is hell.

In public I suspect most people with SA seem nice at least in part because they're too uncomfortable to confront others and tell them to F off even when appropriate.


----------



## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

I would think the most genuinely nice people are the ones that are happy and content with their lives. As most people with debilitating anxiety disorders are not, I say no, we are not nicer. We do tend to _act_ nicer than we really are though, as we don't want other people to dislike us.


----------



## OnyxHeart (Jun 13, 2005)

I try to be nice, really I do!...But then my inner troll kicks in


----------



## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Somewhat more so.....
when bitterness chimes in, though :whip


----------



## dax (Nov 19, 2004)

liarsclub said:


> I'm nice.





Classified said:


> I'm nicer.





ANCIENT said:


> i'm the nicest.





CoconutHolder said:


> No way, I'm the nicest!
> 
> :mum:evil:twak


I'm the double nicest!!! :duel


----------



## Aloysius (Jul 16, 2008)

No Way!! :no I'm nicer than all of you!!!


----------



## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

I don't think there is any correlation between the two. I have met people without SA who are the kindest people you could ever meet, and then many who are just the opposite. On this site, I have run across many people who are incredibly nice, but also several whom I feel are the complete opposite. I think that people with SA might be generally more empathetic though, since they know what it is like to struggle. Personally, I try to be as kind as I can to everyone, unless I feel that the person I am dealing with is being very mean. Then I can be mean as well. It just depends on the person, and his or her morals. I'm going to vote a definitive "not sure".


----------



## slyfox (Nov 18, 2007)

Not sure. This is a hard one. People with SA are better at hiding who they really are. Someone with SA is probably less likely to insult someone, even if they want to, because they are afraid of the confrontation. On the other hand, I think a lot of nice people develope SA, because some people view nice people as being weak and are more likely to pick on them.


----------



## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

Not sure. In the past I would have said they were nicer, and maybe they are somewhat, but... yeah... never mind, I'm going to be nice.


----------



## MeganC (Nov 23, 2008)

I agree with esoteric. How do you gauge "niceness"? What does that mean, anyway? I can relate more to people with anxiety, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're "nice" people.
I think that if we're taking nice to mean kind, considerate, and generous, anxious people are just about the same as everyone else.


----------



## Gift of the Anakim (Nov 25, 2008)

Yes, I think so.


----------



## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

millenniumman75 said:


> Somewhat more so.....
> when bitterness chimes in, though :whip


To continue I don't know, I find just as much jerks with SA who have told me bad things, they've stopped short of telling me to commit suicide though so I guess if that's "Nicer" then okay.


----------

