# Do people on this site need sympathy or a reality check?



## Fun Spirit (Mar 5, 2014)

A simple question. 
Do people on this site need sympathy, pity, 
Or a reality check to get it together, no sympathy
What do YOU think or feel?


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## silentcase (May 27, 2016)

I'd say both. A lot of peeps here are going through ****, and I can understand that. But the reality is, a miracle won't just happen in a heartbeat. This isn't what everyone likes to hear, but to be able to move forward, they must make the first move themselves. Being hopeless and dejected isn't going to solve anything. Now to actually take that first step is the hard part. It may take others longer than the rest to be able to suck it up and go do their thing, but that's okay. Take your time; know that we're here to listen to your struggles, but in the end, understand that you're the only one who can really control your reality, or at least how you cope with it.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Depends on the person and their circumstances.


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

We all need a balance of the two which is empathy.


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## blahblahdeeblah (Feb 20, 2015)

It depends on the person so I said (voted that) no they need a reality check. I see a site full of hypocondriacs. Personally.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Just because some members have anxiety and depression doesn't mean we're all nice deep down. Suffering affect us in different way, some are nice and stay nice and some get angrier and meaner.

But anyway. The site definitely needs more support and a little reality check.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Black As Day said:


> A simple question.
> Do people on this site need sympathy, pity,
> Or a reality check to get it together, no sympathy
> What do YOU think or feel?


 I'll give you my address if you'd like to come and give me my reality check in person. No. Just kidding. I don't give my address out to strangers who sound aggressive.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

Sympathy with a little bit of 'reality check' mixed in usually. Maybe some people just need sympathy...like if their dog died. Some people need a reality check if their 'problems' are of the 'all ______ are _____' variety.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Both. In order to get through SA, it's important that you find connections with people who can relate, so you get that sigh of relief that maybe you aren't a freak after all. 

But of course in very severe cases like what I had gone through a few years ago, it can develop delusions and irrational thoughts/fears. A simple "get over it" isn't the best way to help some people because it might as well bring back those feelings of being a useless POS. It's a tricky situation. As much as I want people on here to get better by assisting them in helping them make more logical decisions, I do not know how. The moment you step in to help, sometimes the SA sufferer will find it offensive especially if they're the type to resort to emotional comfort in times of need.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Reality check is about the extent of the support on this site, except the people who think they know reality don't really and they get offended because their "support" is greeted with due hostility.

Telling people to suck it up serves no purpose, especially when you're saying that as an excuse to avoid providing any sort of real support.

Me, I'm perenially disgusted that the least supportive people are always the loudest and most popular.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

What we need is some good luck for a change.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

I don't see the option for _*compassion*_. :S What's going on here? Who made this poll?



Wings of Amnesty said:


> shocking heartlessness


You called? :kiss:


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## Dark Jewel (Jul 18, 2014)

minimized said:


> Reality check is about the extent of the support on this site, except the people who think they know reality don't really and they get offended because their "support" is greeted with due hostility.
> 
> Telling people to suck it up serves no purpose, especially when you're saying that as an excuse to avoid providing any sort of real support.
> 
> Me, I'm perenially disgusted that the least supportive people are always the loudest and most popular.





funnynihilist said:


> What we need is some good luck for a change.


Both of these

A lot of people here deserve better... some probably don't, a lot do.


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## Crisigv (Aug 3, 2013)

Different people need different things. There is no clear solution to this. As for me, sympathy/pity doesn't really make me feel better. Neither does a kick in the butt though.


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## Mur (Jan 20, 2011)

I don't know.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

senkora said:


> You called? :kiss:


Yeah I see your status, and I've seen your posts. Though I get the impression that you're more similar to me, we're not sociopaths or actually heartless, just depressed and finding it hard to care.


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

A little of both. Regarding sympathy, though, I find it much easier to give and/or get that from others when speaking privately with them. I have made some amazing friends on here who are some of the most awesome people. That includes Regimes, by the way. She and I butt heads on politics, but on a personal level, we are able to be very sympathetic and understanding with each other.

On a public forum, there is only so much you want to reveal about yourself, you know? I wish folks on here would reach out to one another more via the inbox system. Plus, when you get into a discussion on the forum, then EVERYBODY gets involved. It's easier to break through ice and establish bonds when it's just two people opening themselves up to each other.

But I also agree with thekloWN, who wrote, "Depends on the person and their circumstances."


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> Yeah I see your status, and I've seen your posts. Though I get the impression that you're more similar to me, we're not sociopaths or actually heartless, just depressed and finding it hard to care.


Hmm ... :/

Well it's no fun baiting you if you're going to go on and talk sense and be generous and understanding. This is the Wings I remember ... I'm sorry for whatever is causing you grief. :L


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Both. Honesty with understanding.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Black As Day said:


> A simple question.
> Do people on this site need sympathy, pity,
> Or a reality check to get it together, no sympathy
> What do YOU think or feel?


No simple answer.

I think *individuals* on this site need what they need, because everyone needs something different. One person might need sympathy/pity. Another person might benefit from a reality check and no sympathy. A third person might need something in between (e. g., tactful criticism).

One really should not use one-approach-fits-all, because there is no approach that fits everyone.

"Tough love" just makes me close up into myself and stop responding. But some other people thrive on it. :stu


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## Excaliber (May 16, 2015)

I think I like a mix of both actually, it just depends on the day


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

I would say 'both' too. People have individual problems. 

When the topic of social anxiety get talked on other sites, there seems to be the idea that exposure therapy and just do it always will work. But there are people here that served in the military, served in the middle east, or work in retail dealing with hundreds of customers, asked out tons of people, that have not gotten better. Putting yourself in intense social situations works for some, doesn't work for others, and in some cases actual make anxiety worse.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

McFly said:


> I would say 'both' too. People have individual problems.
> 
> When the topic of social anxiety get talked on other sites, there seems to be the idea that exposure therapy and just do it always will work. But there are people here that served in the military, served in the middle east, or work in retail dealing with hundreds of customers, asked out tons of people, that have not gotten better. Putting yourself in intense social situations works for some, doesn't work for others, and in some cases actual make anxiety worse.


I was a manager at a busy retail store for years. I not only served well over a hundred thousand customers, which included aggressive upselling, but my job was to resolve customer disputes, and to hire, train, and manage staff. It had zero impact on my SA and the constant stress essentially destroyed my health. I've done more socializing than many non-SA extroverts and I still can't order a cup of coffee in a coffee shop without intense anxiety. Exposure therapy works for some people, but not all people. There is no one way to cure SA because every single case is different.

Imo, the people most in need of a reality check on this forum are the people who believe they know how other people can fix themselves. But everyone deserves our empathy, regardless of their personal failings.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I think people need some realistic positive thinking. Defeatism never helped anybody.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Doesn't matter, neither of them would work for me. Nothing will. Positive thinking is not possible for someone with my brain chemistry.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

truant said:


> I was a manager at a busy retail store for years. I not only served well over a hundred thousand customers, which included aggressive upselling, but my job was to resolve customer disputes, and to hire, train, and manage staff. It had zero impact on my SA and the constant stress essentially destroyed my health. I've done more socializing than many non-SA extroverts and I still can't order a cup of coffee in a coffee shop without intense anxiety. Exposure therapy works for some people, but not all people. There is no one way to cure SA because every single case is different.
> 
> Imo, the people most in need of a reality check on this forum are the people who believe they know how other people can fix themselves. But everyone deserves our empathy, regardless of their personal failings.


You deserve a ****ing medal for this post. Bravo.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> I think people need some realistic positive thinking. Defeatism never helped anybody.


*nods* What you claim is true you cannot help but also claim is important, because your word has that power. But what's true isn't always as important as what can be true, or what you want to be true. And where it concerns you, what you think and believe, what you say can also make things true. I think there's a major stumbling block in treating what is as though it were a fixed external thing, something given, received, something one is helpless before. Where is there the importance in what you think? In what you want? Sometimes you have to push the limits of what you can actually make true just by wanting it, and proclaiming it. There's so much wish to adhere to what appears to be this given and fixed external truth. If this stops serving you--if it makes you unhappy--why follow it? Why not allow yourself the risk of believing something that isn't obviously true just because you want it to be? Because you don't want to be crazy? Because you want the honor of being a realist when you die? The one closest to the truth? No, at some point you have to recognize what is really important in your life and in particular there is something you can embrace that doesn't make you very sad and dejected for just the glimmer of happiness that can come from feeling like you're on the honorable path of being realistic. The important realization is that there is faith here. One is exercising a faith that this devotion will ultimately pay off. But once you see that there is nothing but YOUR CLAIM, the POWER OF YOUR WORD underneath what we call this external truth, you're free to wonder if this faith is truly what one should be believing in. But logically, the damage is already done. To have that wonder is to break that faith. To question the legitimacy of what comes to us from without is already to have new kind of faith, which is in the power of our word. A temple was destroyed, and a new one was built in that very same moment. One has broken the chain of "reality" by seeing it as a dream. That you are the heart of your own reality, that nothing means anything but what it means to you, and what it means for you was your own loving expression.


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## LostinReverie (Mar 18, 2007)

Empathy. They need to know that they aren't alone and that there are people who understand them. Some even need to know that there are people much worse than they are and that perhaps it might be the motivation they need to think, _Hey, I can do this. I'm not that bad off._ This is the support that I provide.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

truant said:


> I was a manager at a busy retail store for years. I not only served well over a hundred thousand customers, which included aggressive upselling, but my job was to resolve customer disputes, and to hire, train, and manage staff. It had zero impact on my SA and the constant stress essentially destroyed my health. I've done more socializing than many non-SA extroverts and I still can't order a cup of coffee in a coffee shop without intense anxiety. Exposure therapy works for some people, but not all people. There is no one way to cure SA because every single case is different.
> 
> Imo, the people most in need of a reality check on this forum are the people who believe they know how other people can fix themselves. But everyone deserves our empathy, regardless of their personal failings.


That's a job I could never do, and probably wouldn't qualify for it in the first place. Especially staying calm with rude customers, or giving sales pitches. Do you feel better off working as a writer instead of a retail job?


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

It depends on the circumstance. It's easy to become judgmental when you can't share similarities of what a person goes through; but in the same token your sympathy could add onto their rhetoric since we cannot verify as to what extent the person truly suffers from what they say. So it's a bit tough when giving balance.

The fact that we live in a victim-mentality type of culture really does not help to give solutions to the problems that are faced due to people wanting others to cater and understand them instead of attaining their own solutions. The tough fact of life is that many will not and many do not give a sh!t. Once you hit 'rock bottom' and find that there's no hand waiting for you to hold onto so they can pull you back up will give you the option to strive enough to get the chance of picking yourself back up. It does give a boost to find yourself if you are willing to take it in that light. That's just me, however.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

"The Lord helps those that help themselves."

Man up.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

nubly said:


> "The Lord helps those that help themselves."
> 
> Man up.


As long as they don't help themselves too much.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

McFly said:


> That's a job I could never do, and probably wouldn't qualify for it in the first place. Especially staying calm with rude customers, or giving sales pitches. Do you feel better off working as a writer instead of a retail job?


I enjoy writing, I hated retail, especially selling. I hated being forced to manipulate people into buying stuff. But oddly enough, I was really good at resolving customer disputes.



nubly said:


> "The Lord helps those that help themselves."
> 
> Man up.


You couldn't handle my life.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Everyone hit the nail on the head saying both and depending on the situation and person.

I will say that sympathy is not synonymous with pity, despite people thinking that. No one deserves pity. It helps no one. Pity should be reserved for sociopaths that are unable to feel like the rest of us.

But yes, sympathy is a much needed thing. True, sincere sympathy. Not just being nice, you know? Sympathy can be a reality check. "You're fine," can actually go a long way if articulated into words that express what is going on with someone. Shows them where they stand and where to go from there. "Toughen up" comments can actually come off as dismissive. Often times coming from a place of ignorance, but also a place of not wanting to deal with someone's problems. So... Yeah. "Dust off and keep going," can be effective if the timing is right. Just don't feel it should be your opening or absolute sentiments with someone who is having real problems.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

"Hey, I see you're drowning. There's a boat two miles this way I'm in, so suck it up."

"Hey, you've got cancer? Get over it."

Doesn't quite work, does it? But people think that because it's MENTAL illness (implying that it's somehow curable), it's easy.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

McFly said:


> As long as they don't help themselves too much.


That billboard is erroneous. God gave us two hands!


truant said:


> You couldn't handle my life.


Riiight. FYI, this is against forum rules.


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## Hikin (Aug 13, 2014)

Depends on the person. Some people do need a reality check(people who complain about a certain girl not liking them when they've never talked to her), but most people do need a little more support and this place could use more of that. 

Life gives us a ton a reality checks every single day and I do think that SAS should be a place of support with sprinkles of real advice when people are clearly blind about it.


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## That Random Guy (Jan 31, 2015)

*Hm..*

I think both.

I think the folks with SA are always feeling distraught about their decisions based on something that happened in the past, and because of this they've lost out on a lot.

I think in order to help them overcome their dilemma, they need the motivation to be better. Unfortunately, not everyone has that go-getter attitude, especially SA folk.

I feel that because of this, sometimes what people really need is a helping hand. Someone who will be willing to understand them but also be able to help them in their own way.

Sort of like that one saying "tough love".

I think it's different for everyone, but in general, I feel like one person can really change another person's life just by being there to help out.

If I could, I'd do it for everyone here... unfortunately, I can't clone myself. Also, I doubt many would be accepting of me doing so.

All the best,

T.R.G.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

Good question. I usually try to give both when I do try to give advice on a thread.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

A balanced approach goes well in any situation, suffice to say though neither of these things have ever genuinely helped me unless the emotional support was given in an intimate situation where I had connected with the other person on a deeper level and vice-versa, and in the latter case extremely unhelpful to receive a kick in the *** constantly if they expected high levels of emotional support in return simply on the premise that their lifestyle choices had somehow made them more entitled to it than me, who hadn't taken the prescribed path. Having been in that exact toxic situation before, it definitely goes to show how counterproductive either sympathy in the wrong circumstances can be or an excessively "hard-***" approach in either case.


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## Unforgiven17 (Apr 15, 2016)

It is a good question, although I would agree with everyone else that there is a lack of options here.

The idea of a reality check when you feel overwhelming low is really not going to help. If you haven't felt that way then I think you are one of the luckier ones on here.


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## herherzr (Sep 2, 2016)

truant said:


> I was a manager at a busy retail store for years. I not only served well over a hundred thousand customers, which included aggressive upselling, but my job was to resolve customer disputes, and to hire, train, and manage staff. It had zero impact on my SA and the constant stress essentially destroyed my health. I've done more socializing than many non-SA extroverts and I still can't order a cup of coffee in a coffee shop without intense anxiety. Exposure therapy works for some people, but not all people. There is no one way to cure SA because every single case is different.
> 
> Imo, the people most in need of a reality check on this forum are the people who believe they know how other people can fix themselves. But everyone deserves our empathy, regardless of their personal failings.


agree


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

truant said:


> I was a manager at a busy retail store for years. I not only served well over a hundred thousand customers, which included aggressive upselling, but my job was to resolve customer disputes, and to hire, train, and manage staff. It had zero impact on my SA and the constant stress essentially destroyed my health. I've done more socializing than many non-SA extroverts and I still can't order a cup of coffee in a coffee shop without intense anxiety. Exposure therapy works for some people, but not all people. There is no one way to cure SA because every single case is different.
> 
> Imo, the people most in need of a reality check on this forum are the people who believe they know how other people can fix themselves. But everyone deserves our empathy, regardless of their personal failings.


Unsurprisingly, I think you're spot on.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

reality check. man up, suck it up. if you can't do it, don't bother and just live the rest of your life like this.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

How can reality checks be real if reality isn't real?


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## CalvinCandie2 (Aug 18, 2016)

I think many need a reality check in order to realize that they need to work at overcoming their SAD, I sure did. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

reality check


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I think some people just need a major change in their life. 

I mean listen, we all have needs in our life that need to be fulfilled. Obviously there's safety needs such as food to eat, a place to stay that need to taken care of first. Next comes emotional needs that need to be fulfilled such as friends, feeling a sense of community, feeling like you belong, or being in a romantic relationship with someone that loves you. 

So I can understand why people who have little to no friends, or have little interaction with the opposite sex can become very lonely and depressed. We are human beings, we weren't meant to be completely alone. We all need that sense of community, otherwise life feels very empty. 

I think once we get most of safety and friendship and emotional needs fulfilled, we feel more complete and can accomplish more in life as a result.


Sometimes all it takes is a major change in your life. For instance, I lived in an apartment all by myself for a year in a foreign town and worked long hours to pay my bills and not only did I feel extremely lonely but also felt like I wasn't advancing anywhere in life and I also lost a lot of weight as a result of not eating very much.

Then I moved in a dorm at college and as a result of meeting a ton of new people both guys and girls and achieving academic success, it made me feel a lot better about myself.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

Reality check most of times. The only difficulty here is telling whether a certain poster is close to reality or not, but when that's not a problem I feel I come here to learn something new.

The poll results are very interesting.


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

in some cases they need a bit of both. [but theres no option for both on the poll)

the worst thing is this stupid self fulfilling prophecy nonsense that people use as a tool to inflict more pain on themselves, when other people have no clue what they are talking about when they arent stupid, they arent ugly, they arent boring, they arent unworthy of attention, blah blah. 

but if you keep spouting out about yourself you are, oh i am, i am ,i am. i am all of those nasty negative things, eventually people will actually begin to "agree" with you.... then you think you have validated your own self damaging opinions (which aren't true) but then go back to complaining that people avoid (or you avoid them) you because they (and you) think you are , stupid, ugly, boring, unworthy. 

first you have to help yourself and think of yourself positively. It begins with you. if you don't, it will stop there and nothing will improve.


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## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

Reality check.I do have a cynical outlook on general society at times myself...but some of these people have a warped view of people's expectations on this site.The world has over six billion people lol..not everyone abides by Hollywood's mainstream BS standards.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

CalvinCandie2 said:


> I think many need a reality check in order to realize that they need to work at overcoming their SAD, I sure did.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


Me as ****.

When I was a bitter ***** about everything not going my way, I thought that it was the world's responsibility to cater to my every special need. Then I faced the harsh reality that there is a limit to how much I should be "gifted" when it's clear that I have all the resources I need to overcome this disability and that I was just coming up with excuses to avoid doing the necessary work. That, and no one will ever truly help you get out off this hole because they're already so concerned about keeping their own lives together. Even if they claim to be close to you and support you. It sucks, but that's just the way the world works.


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## screechowl (Sep 4, 2016)

i'd say a combination of the two.....and empathy as well.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Neither, both... 

A lot of us just never found that streak of luck or one special person that made life survivable. Or we did at one time and lost it.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Maybe some of both. Idk...I think a lot of people that struggle with anxiety and depression do not need sympathy or a reality check, I think they need real help.

During the twelve to fifteen months after my girlfriend's suicide, I really didn't need sympathy. I didn't need anyone's pity. And I most def didn't need a reality check, I knew what was going on, I knew why I was depressed, and suicidal myself. I needed real help. I needed some serious meds. I needed tons and tons of therapy. And eventually that's what I got (thank God). I've been on every SSRI and SNRI and a few antipsychotics, and every mood stabilizer you can think of. I've been in thousands of hours of therapy since she died, literally, and I've seen dozens of psychiatrists and therapists in the four and a half years since she's been gone. And I'm going to need a lot more. In the six months after she killed herself I was committed to three different psychiatric hospitals.

I didn't need pity, I didn't need a reality check, I didn't need tough love. I needed serious, real help. And thank God I'm finally getting it.


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## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

It depends on the context of the thread and the poster too I guess. In some situations, some benefit more from a reality check, while some would benefit more from assurances. Probably a balance of both. It also depends what the poster is looking for. I have seen threads where the OP is upset when posters are giving reality check posts rather than assurances. And also vice versa for a minority.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

A good balance between both.


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## In The Shade (Jun 26, 2016)

Theres no simple answer to this as each person has different needs


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I voted for a reality check. But in the real world I would try to be more balanced in each approach.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Severe reality check.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

You know, there are a few people on this site that....

if God slapped them in the face and told them to wake up....to snap back to reality, to check their reasoning, to re-think how they're living their life...

...they would argue. With God.

There are a few people here who need a serious reality check lmao. There are a few people here who are going to be fuqd later on in life because they refuse to listen to reason. And they think they know it all.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Anyone is more than welcome to have an opinion on what I need, and they can even feel free to tell me what it is... I'll just be like, "Hmm, alright... "


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

the cheat said:


> Anyone is more than welcome to have an opinion on what I need, and they can even feel free to tell me what it is... I'll just be like, "Hmm, alright... "


Oh. Kay.


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## Niftyearlobe (Sep 14, 2016)

The problem with this is that most people with anxiety and depression already understand reality. It is the repetitive thoughts and feelings that keep them from understanding...well let's just say for example...that they are privileged compared to many others. Taking the tough love approach only makes people feel more guilty and sad about things they already know.

That being said, you should never give anyone sympathy, but instead empathy. People in need seek understanding and help, never pity. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

AllTheSame said:


> Oh. Kay.


Exactly.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

the cheat said:


> Exactly.


lmao


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

I wonder if, in the history of mankind, "suck it up" has ever helped a person deal with a problem.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

AllTheSame said:


> lmao


Haha you're making me feel young again. Like, 7 or 8. This has been fun.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

euphoria04 said:


> I wonder if, in the history of mankind, "suck it up" has ever helped a person deal with a problem.


It has. It helped with me. There are times when my dad pushed me way, way beyond what I thought I was capable of. And I went beyond what I thought I was way capable of. And I think sometimes it was because he told me to just deal with the fear (suck it up) and move on. There's no doubt in my mind.


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## euphoria04 (May 8, 2012)

AllTheSame said:


> It has. It helped with me. There are times when my dad pushed me way, way beyond what I thought I was capable of. And I went beyond what I thought I was way capable of. And I think sometimes it was because he told me to just deal with the fear (suck it up) and move on. There's no doubt in my mind.


I suppose it depends on context too. When I hear "suck it up" without any further context, I think dismissive. When I hear "face your fears", I think practical advice.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

Well it all depends on the situation. The good thing is that there's a mix of people with different opinions so in most cases users will get a mix of both sides.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

euphoria04 said:


> I suppose it depends on context too. When I hear "suck it up" without any further context, I think dismissive. When I hear "face your fears", I think practical advice.





KelsKels said:


> Well it all depends on the situation. The good thing is that there's a mix of people with different opinions so in most cases users will get a mix of both sides.


Yeah. It does just depend on the person, and on the situation.

I would never, ever push my oldest daughter like my dad pushed me. Under any circumstances. She's...a totally different girl than, say, my youngest daughter. My youngest daughter is among the most popular kids at school. She's absolutely fearless. She's had boyfriends since she was 13 years old (as far as I know). My oldest daughter is completely different. She's very pretty, and very popular also....but she's....different. I cannot parent her the same way, at all. I take a totally, completely different approach to her. She's a different kid, I have to. She doesn't respond the same way that I'd respond to my youngest daughter. And I realized that when they were both very, very young.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

I would say a pretty healthy mixture of both, _occasionally _one more than the other depending upon the individual person. There are _tons_ of people on here who absolutely refuse, with all the strength in their sanctimonious little fingers, to accept literally any responsibility for their actions and inactions--and therefore doom themselves to indefinite unhappiness... Whereas there are also tons of members who wearily try their best on any given day and are still discouraged in their own unique and equally valid ways. There's no universally appropriate way to approach something like SA... Or people in general, really.

Disclaimer: I don't ever think it's okay to simply tell someone to "suck it up." You can provide someone a hard reality check without being dismissive.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Ai said:


> I would say a pretty healthy mixture of both, _occasionally _one more than the other depending upon the individual person. There are _tons_ of people on here who absolutely refuse, with all the strength in their sanctimonious little fingers, to accept literally any responsibility for their actions and inactions--and therefore doom themselves to indefinite unhappiness... Whereas there are also tons of members who wearily try their best on any given day and are still discouraged in their own unique and equally valid ways. There's no universally appropriate way to approach something like SA... Or people in general, really.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't ever think it's okay to simply tell someone to "suck it up." You can provide someone a hard reality check without being dismissive.


Yeah, I completely agree. Depends on moment but especially the person.

It took me a sec to think about the options. You should always lead with empathy and sympathy. That's already a huge problem with mental illness being not laughed at, jeered and/or hated on. I would say tell people to not use it as a crutch. That's no good. Pandering with platitudes and kind words doesn't do much. Then again, neither does "suck it up"/"walk it off"/"pull up them bootstraps" as a singular sentiment. It's dismissive to say, "ah, you're just havin' a bad month/week/day." Show them how to "suck it up" without even saying to suck it up. Talk with them and try to reason out conclusions. Show them how to not catastrophize. That was important to me. I still have trouble, but I'm trying more than ever.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

JustThisGuy said:


> It's dismissive to say, "ah, you're just havin' a bad month/week/day." Show them how to "suck it up" without even saying to suck it up. Talk with them and try to reason out conclusions. Show them how to not catastrophize. That was important to me. I still have trouble, but I'm trying more than ever.


Exactly. I agree with this 100%.


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## Moxi (Nov 24, 2015)

Both? You can sympathize with someone's situation and offer them kind words, but at a point people still need to stop moaning about the same things every day and look for more options, even if that means leaving their comfort zone. Sympathy on the Internet is not a solution, it's just something that can help calm someone down. And yeah, a few people are just in outer space they're so far removed from daily life.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Moxi said:


> Both? You can sympathize with someone's situation and offer them kind words, but at a point people still need to stop moaning about the same things every day and look for more options, even if that means leaving their comfort zone.


 You could say the same thing about traveling. Doing it in some kind of a vehicle is comfortable but people are not supposed to do that. You should swim to another country to see what it's like to travel.

- Yes. That's sarcasm but I get tired of seeing people making excuses for being jerks and telling people to suck it up. What do you care? If "moaning on the internet" is what is getting people through the day for now, leave them alone and don't be a jerk. When the time comes that it isn't helping they can determine that for themselves (or not). To assume you know what a complete stranger "needs" because you find their online rants to be annoying or not what you would do is a bit arrogant. I can't ever remember being helped by someone who pissed me off by the way they spoke to me.


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