# No friends...



## BryanSA (Jul 1, 2013)

I'm 27 and right now I don't have any friends. Many of the people I know are just acquaintances or not very close. I rarely hang out with these "acquaintances," and if I get VERY lucky, I get to hang out with them maybe once or twice a year. It's like I almost have to beg them (I'm not really begging) to come out and spend time with me because they are busy, already have appointments, sick, not in the mood, not interested, or whatever the reasons are. And obviously, this kind of relationship doesn't develop into friendship because I'm only seeing them once or twice a year. I mean in order for the relationship to develop into friendship, you need to see that person regularly and share common interests or do stuffs together and talk with him/her a lot. And this doesn't happen simply cuz most of the time they just reject/ignore me whenever I try to make a social interaction. I'm just tired of getting rejected/ignored all the time and this one-sided relationship. I'm always the first one to initiate social interaction; the other person never does. There is no reciprocity. And yes, I've tried to be involved in various clubs or activities to meet people and make friends, but no luck there either. It never develops into friendship and they all seem indifferent and uninterested in me. 

I'm really frustrated and depressed not only because I'm lonely but I've been living like this for almost 10 years (MS, HS, College, Gradschool), with no friends, just staying home most of the time doing stuffs like watching TV or playing computer games. Plus, I know I'm aging and nothing seems to change or get better. I'm worried cuz I'm afraid things will be the same when I reach 40 or older. I kind of worried like this when I was 17 or so and my "prophecy" became true. I have no hope for my future. Time really does fly and I'm totally helpless. I want friends who care about me and a social life, but it seems to me it's as hard as winning a lottery. I've been on meds, received counselling many times as well as on CBT programs, but they are not working. Not if I could mind control people to like me, nobody likes me. I'm a complete loner. :|


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## bored2death (Feb 16, 2013)

man your exactly like me when i was 17 studying in sciences i didnt have time to have fun and i was afraid i would become very lonely and that's what happened for the past 10 years home no friends on the guitar, computer ,looking for jobs and getting rejected.

Im trying to check my cortisol level to see if that's not whats wrong with me im just wondering cause i have no clue like u what to do . If i go out at dowtown and see all the 16 to 30 year old holding hot girls i become beyond myself jealous cause i think im actually somehow comparable or better....i just don't get why no one notices me or wants to be my friend or girlfriend (for girls(


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## Tone (Oct 12, 2012)

Just wait, once more time passes forced into isolation against the wil, youll no longer be able to even watch TV or play games -- and just be in 100% torture PTSD attacks, 24/7 with zero hope of any job or hobby. 

By the way 95% of forced-loneliness posts are male. I have no opinion on this im just stating a verifiable fact. Count em up.


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## HanSolo (Jul 5, 2013)

dude I feel your pain at 33yo, meeting cute girls is extra hard without a social network.

The only person I want to be friends with, I barely know. She never texts me, or emails, or hangs out. So how do "we" get to know one another....WE DON'T

Just get out there and meet people, thats what I try, and fail usually, I hate my life


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

I'm younger, but I feel much the same way. Zero friends and no chance of making any. I don't know why, but lately it's been especially hard and today I made a short post about it in the 'What's bothering you thread'. Soon after, I received a PM telling me to hang in there, and as soon as I read it I burst out crying. No idea why. I couldn't help myself.

These past 3 months out of school have been miserable, and I couldn't wait for the fall semester to begin. I told myself it'd be different. But now that schools only a few days away, I realize to myself, _who was I kidding? Nothing is going to change._ It's like people are either repulsed by me, or have no idea I exist. No in between. I'm sure some of it's in my head, but after feeling rejected my whole life, it's hard for me to keep telling myself that. _Yep, just stay positive._ Yeah, right. I feel like giving up.

I've been on anti-depressants and benzos and couple other types of medication, nothing really helps. I'm too shy to seek counseling at this point. I just want one friend who and to actually feel cared for. :|


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

At least you have acquaintances, I guess. You're practically halfway there.

I think there must be something mentally repulsive about me. And I hear you about predictions; I knew it would turn out this way since high school. Can't imagine going on another 10, 20 years in this same position, struggling even to be heard. It's even harder now when you aren't in forced contact with people your own age. Groups never worked for me either; I just faded away until I stopped going because I couldn't stand being alone in a group. No one noticed.


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## Erik20 (Jul 31, 2013)

Yeah I can relate. I have some friends/acquaintances, but we don't hang out a lot. 
I usually initiate all the contact, if I didn't, they would probably disappear.
When we do hang out, it's always something small like lunch, and then I get to hear about all the fun things they've been doing with their close friends. Sometimes it just feels like I'm checking in to get an update on their lives.

It seems like they all have their own group of close friends and I'm on the outside.
It also sucks that I have to lie about my social life at times, so they won't think I'm a loser. Like last week I was texting a girl and she told me about her plans for the night. When she asked me what I was up to, I made up some story about going to a bar or club. In reality, I was just at home all night watching tv.


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## SolusSAF (Aug 17, 2013)

*I am everyone here...*

As I am reading all the posts, I feel so much at home. In a way it is comforting but then again, it is not because no one here knows how to get out of this hell.
I've been alone for about 10 years now. I try to make friends, but I do not understand why no one wants to be my friend. It is so difficult for me because I have been hurt so many times. I am so guarded now and just don't want to hurt anymore. I hurt every day though because I am alone.
The only people I interact with are those at work. 
I do not talk to people very much, so when I do, I end up being loud or annoying.  So then I try my best to not talk to people because I do not want to be annoying to them. I feel so trapped.
I even feel like an outsider with my family. My sister is always telling me I am being loud, and this makes me feel like I'm a child and makes me so angry with her! 
When I am at a party and people are playing games I really want to join in. The only problem is that when I join in and start having fun, I get so loud and then feel miserable. Mind you, this is only once or twice a year during the holidays.
I really want to go see movies and have to beg people to go with me. I've ended up going to movies alone and try to go when the least amount of people would be there. I feel like an idiot going to a move alone. I even wear a ring on my left hand so people will think I am married and not feel sorry for me. I hate this so much!
No matter what, I am lonely, whether I am alone or in a crowded room. 
What do you do when you need someone to talk to and there is no one but yourself? I feel so pathetic talking to myself, but there is no one else. 
Some problems you can work out yourself, but this one, I cannot work out.
When I go places, as crazy as it sounds, I try to make myself as small as possible so no one will see me. (that's what it feels like) I run in and get out as fast as I can and try not to look at people. What horrible existence. I know I am not living, but I do not know how to escape this.

I was thinking today about my average day. I am in school now and will finish up in one month. I'll go on to a masters program. It scares me though to think about what I will do after this. Right now, I spend Tues night in class then Wed Thur Fri nights doing homework. I play on the computer, read books, or watch movies on the weekends. I do not know how I will occupy my time that I usually spend on school when I am finished. I am so afraid I will only feel more isolated. Everything just seems so hopeless.

I am sorry this is so long!


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## BryanSA (Jul 1, 2013)

bored2death said:


> man your exactly like me when i was 17 studying in sciences i didnt have time to have fun and i was afraid i would become very lonely and that's what happened for the past 10 years home no friends on the guitar, computer ,looking for jobs and getting rejected.
> 
> Im trying to check my cortisol level to see if that's not whats wrong with me im just wondering cause i have no clue like u what to do . If i go out at dowtown and see all the 16 to 30 year old holding hot girls i become beyond myself jealous cause i think im actually somehow comparable or better....i just don't get why no one notices me or wants to be my friend or girlfriend (for girls(


Yeah, I know how you feel and one of the miserable parts of having no friends is you get to be stuck at home most of the time. I'm really tired of always going out to places alone and doing things alone and I pretty much feel like a loser. Also, I get jealous all the time when I see group of people hanging out or a guy having fun with his girl.


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## BryanSA (Jul 1, 2013)

HanSolo said:


> dude I feel your pain at 33yo, meeting cute girls is extra hard without a social network.
> 
> The only person I want to be friends with, I barely know. She never texts me, or emails, or hangs out. So how do "we" get to know one another....WE DON'T
> 
> Just get out there and meet people, thats what I try, and fail usually, I hate my life


Yeah, it sucks when the other person doesn't put in as much effort in the relationship as you do. The relationship never develops in that way. It's also frustrating to keep failing even if we try hard.


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## BryanSA (Jul 1, 2013)

ChuckyFinster said:


> I'm younger, but I feel much the same way. Zero friends and no chance of making any. I don't know why, but lately it's been especially hard and today I made a short post about it in the 'What's bothering you thread'. Soon after, I received a PM telling me to hang in there, and as soon as I read it I burst out crying. No idea why. I couldn't help myself.
> 
> These past 3 months out of school have been miserable, and I couldn't wait for the fall semester to begin. I told myself it'd be different. But now that schools only a few days away, I realize to myself, _who was I kidding? Nothing is going to change._ It's like people are either repulsed by me, or have no idea I exist. No in between. I'm sure some of it's in my head, but after feeling rejected my whole life, it's hard for me to keep telling myself that. _Yep, just stay positive._ Yeah, right. I feel like giving up.
> 
> I've been on anti-depressants and benzos and couple other types of medication, nothing really helps. I'm too shy to seek counseling at this point. I just want one friend who and to actually feel cared for. :|


Yeah, I think we're pretty much in the same boat. I can relate. Nothing really changes even if it's a new start. When I was in HS, I thought things might get better once I go to college, but it turned out nothing changed much. I had no friends, felt lonely and depressed almost every day and was totally helpless. Yeah, the same feeling I had in HS. By the time I graduated college, I was totally exhausted emotionally due to prolonged time of loneliness and depression. And then I thought to myself maybe.. maybe things will improve when I go to grad school. It HAD to improve because I already wasted too much time and missed too many opportunities. Well, it's the same. NOTHING CHANGES. The same feelings I had for years. Now, I have lost hope that it will get better.

Like you said it's really hard for us to reach out to people again when we are constantly rejected, ignored, and hurt. It's really a gamble. Should I risk myself of being rejected, ignored, and hurt? And it turns out that I always lose in the game. In addition, the meds usually don't help very much especially if your ultimate goal is to make friends. The meds may improve your mood a little, but taking them don't make you any friends. I've also been on several antidepressants, but they aren't getting me anywhere so I stopped taking them. If you need a friend, I'll be glad to be one


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

minimized said:


> At least you have acquaintances, I guess. You're practically halfway there.
> 
> I think there must be something mentally repulsive about me. And I hear you about predictions; I knew it would turn out this way since high school. Can't imagine going on another 10, 20 years in this same position, struggling even to be heard. It's even harder now when you aren't in forced contact with people your own age. Groups never worked for me either; I just faded away until I stopped going because I couldn't stand being alone in a group. No one noticed.


I've had dozens of positive acquaintances for a year now, to no avail. I'm afraid to even suggest hanging out, I don't wanna seem like Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy.


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## BryanSA (Jul 1, 2013)

minimized said:


> At least you have acquaintances, I guess. You're practically halfway there.
> 
> I think there must be something mentally repulsive about me. And I hear you about predictions; I knew it would turn out this way since high school. Can't imagine going on another 10, 20 years in this same position, struggling even to be heard. It's even harder now when you aren't in forced contact with people your own age. Groups never worked for me either; I just faded away until I stopped going because I couldn't stand being alone in a group. No one noticed.


Yeah.. having some acquaintances may be better than no one, but they don't really mean anything to me. They simply do not care about me. They never text, call, or ask me to hang out. When I call or text them, many times they just ignore me (no response) or say that they're busy with all sorts of excuses you can ever imagine.

I simply can't stand thinking about myself as an old man still struggling with this loneliness and depression and the "no friends" thing. I know I'm gonna regret over how much opportunities I've missed in the past which makes me even more depressing. Yeah, and the groups never worked for me either. I totally understand you.


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## SolusSAF (Aug 17, 2013)

BryanSA said:


> Yeah.. having some acquaintances may be better than no one, but they don't really mean anything to me. They simply do not care about me. They never text, call, or ask me to hang out. When I call or text them, many times they just ignore me (no response) or say that they're busy with all sorts of excuses you can ever imagine.
> 
> I simply can't stand thinking about myself as an old man still struggling with this loneliness and depression and the "no friends" thing. I know I'm gonna regret over how much opportunities I've missed in the past which makes me even more depressing. Yeah, and the groups never worked for me either. I totally understand you.


Yeah, having only acquaintances is tough. You can't just call them up when you want to talk or go somewhere. All the people who were your friends are married and are busy with their families. I have one lady I consider to be a friend (we have seen a couple movies and had dinner a couple times), but she is 20 years my senior. 
I know none of us want to be that old person who dies alone and is then found 2 weeks later.


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

BryanSA said:


> Yeah, I think we're pretty much in the same boat. I can relate. Nothing really changes even if it's a new start.When I was in HS,I thought things might get better once I go to college, but it turned out nothing changed much. I had no friends, felt lonely and depressed almost every day and was totally helpless. Yeah, the same feeling I had in HS. By the time I graduated college, I was totally exhausted emotionally due to prolonged time of loneliness and depression. And then I thought to myself maybe.. maybe things will improve when I go to grad school. It HAD to improve because I already wasted too much time and missed too many opportunities. Well, it's the same. NOTHING CHANGES. The same feelings I had for years. Now, I have lost hope that it will get better.
> 
> Like you said it's really hard for us to reach out to people again when we are constantly rejected, ignored, and hurt. It's really a gamble. Should I risk myself of being rejected, ignored, and hurt? And it turns out that I always lose in the game. In addition, the meds usually don't help very much especially if your ultimate goal is to make friends. The meds may improve your mood a little, but taking them don't make you any friends. I've also been on several antidepressants, but they aren't getting me anywhere so I stopped taking them. If you need a friend, I'll be glad to be one


Sometimes as I sit in class, I get the most overwhelming feeling of depression and helplessness.. I just want to get up and get out of there as fast as I can. Really, really hoping things will change.. but 'hoping' is getting very old at this point.

As for the meds, my doctor has put me on more things than I can even count/name. Nothing helps relieve my anxiety, and subsequently, my depression. I feel that if I could get over my anxiety, the depression would be reduced as well.

LOL and yes, I'd love for you to be my friend. You can never have too many friends (not that I have any; I don't). :rub


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## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ChuckyFinster said:


> Sometimes as I sit in class, I get the most overwhelming feeling of depression and helplessness.. I just want to get up and get out of there as fast as I can. Really, really hoping things will change.. but 'hoping' is getting very old at this point.
> 
> As for the meds, my doctor has put me on more things than I can even count/name. Nothing helps relieve my anxiety, and subsequently, my depression. I feel that if I could get over my anxiety, the depression would be reduced as well.
> 
> LOL and yes, I'd love for you to be my friend. You can never have too many friends (not that I have any; I don't). :rub


What meds have you been on?


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

kehcorpz said:


> What meds have you been on?


Celexa, zoloft, paxil, effexor, prozac, wellbutrin (made my anxiety worse), buspirone (useless), anafranil, cymbalta, abilify (because apparently I'm paranoid about people looking at me - which is true), klonopin, ativan, valium, 
along with a "mood stabilizer" that I can't remember the name of, and various vitamins.. Oh, and some sleeping pills, because my anxiety used to get bad at night, but the anafranil at least helps with that now.

The anafranil is the only thing I'm taking right now, along with the valium, as needed. Supposed to only take 10mg, but I find that it only really helps at 20-30 mg.

ANY SUGGESTIONS? _(i'm serious)_


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## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ChuckyFinster said:


> Celexa, zoloft, paxil, effexor, prozac, wellbutrin (made my anxiety worse), buspirone (useless), anafranil, cymbalta, abilify (because apparently I'm paranoid about people looking at me - which is true), klonopin, ativan, valium,
> along with a "mood stabilizer" that I can't remember the name of, and various vitamins.. Oh, and some sleeping pills, because my anxiety used to get bad at night, but the anafranil at least helps with that now.
> 
> The anafranil is the only thing I'm taking right now, along with the valium, as needed. Supposed to only take 10mg, but I find that it only really helps at 20-30 mg.
> ...


Yah I found that anafranil did nothing for me and I was at 150mg. My most successful combo to date has been a mix of zoloft (200mg) and mirtazapine (45mg). Although it pooped out eventually. I'm on Parnate now and I must say it obliterates anxiety completely, though still hasn't done much for depression. It's too early to tell though. Drugs like Parnate aren't easy to get though, doctors are afraid to prescribe them. Honestly I have 0 side effects on parnate. I mean there's the issue of watching what you eat but to me it's no big deal. I rarely eat the forbidden foods anyways. I also find the diet is more flexible than they make it out to be. Like they say no coffee but I'll have 4-6 cups a day with no problem.

I too used to get super paranoid about everyone looking at me. They still look at me but it doesn't bother me anymore. I think I get more focused on what i'm doing than what is going on around me. Anyways, you should try adding mirtazapine 7.5mg-15mg at night for the sleep so that you can cut down on the benzos and take less overall. Also, what I found works well for anxiety is a sleeping pill called Zopiclone. It's sort of like a benzo but acts a bit differently, it is less addictive and tolerance doesn't build as fast. You have to find the right dose though because too much will make you sleepy or drunk feeling. I used to take half a pill before going out and it would kill all my anxiety. I take it for sleep now and i've been taking half a pill forever and it always works just as well. It's also not as addictive, after 4 months continuous use, i got off it pretty easily. You just ask your doctor to give it for sleep, they will usually prescribe it. Then get a pill cutter, it's scored so you can split it in half easily but you may need to cut it into 4 pieces if it's too strong.


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

kehcorpz said:


> Yah I found that anafranil did nothing for me and I was at 150mg. My most successful combo to date has been a mix of zoloft (200mg) and mirtazapine (45mg). Although it pooped out eventually. I'm on Parnate now and I must say it obliterates anxiety completely, though still hasn't done much for depression. It's too early to tell though. Drugs like Parnate aren't easy to get though, doctors are afraid to prescribe them. Honestly I have 0 side effects on parnate. I mean there's the issue of watching what you eat but to me it's no big deal. I rarely eat the forbidden foods anyways. I also find the diet is more flexible than they make it out to be. Like they say no coffee but I'll have 4-6 cups a day with no problem.
> 
> I too used to get super paranoid about everyone looking at me. They still look at me but it doesn't bother me anymore. I think I get more focused on what i'm doing than what is going on around me. Anyways, you should try adding mirtazapine 7.5mg-15mg at night for the sleep so that you can cut down on the benzos and take less overall. Also, what I found works well for anxiety is a sleeping pill called Zopiclone. It's sort of like a benzo but acts a bit differently, it is less addictive and tolerance doesn't build as fast. You have to find the right dose though because too much will make you sleepy or drunk feeling. I used to take half a pill before going out and it would kill all my anxiety. I take it for sleep now and i've been taking half a pill forever and it always works just as well. It's also not as addictive, after 4 months continuous use, i got off it pretty easily. You just ask your doctor to give it for sleep, they will usually prescribe it. Then get a pill cutter, it's scored so you can split it in half easily but you may need to cut it into 4 pieces if it's too strong.


I'm on 150mg anafranil at the moment. It helps me not worry so much on regular nights... But if there is something I have to do the next day, where I know I'll have to be around people, it doesn't help me at all. Can't sleep and still stressed.

If I recall correctly, my doctor suggested mirtazapine to me on one occasion, but she also talked quite a bit about weight gain, and me being the insecure idiot that I am, decided to not try it. But I'll be more than willing to next time around.

As for the Zopiclone, she seems kind of reluctant to give me sleeping pills anymore. I think it's because I'm so young and she doesn't want for me to have to rely on them to fall asleep. Or at least, that's how it comes across to me. :\


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## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ChuckyFinster said:


> I'm on 150mg anafranil at the moment. It helps me not worry so much on regular nights... But if there is something I have to do the next day, where I know I'll have to be around people, it doesn't help me at all. Can't sleep and still stressed.
> 
> If I recall correctly, my doctor suggested mirtazapine to me on one occasion, but she also talked quite a bit about weight gain, and me being the insecure idiot that I am, decided to not try it. But I'll be more than willing to next time around.
> 
> As for the Zopiclone, she seems kind of reluctant to give me sleeping pills anymore. I think it's because I'm so young and she doesn't want for me to have to rely on them to fall asleep. Or at least, that's how it comes across to me. :\


Odd because she gives you Valium which builds a bigger dependence. I tell my doctor "who cares if I become dependent, it's better than not sleeping".

Yah mirtazapine is known for weight gain but it never made me gain weight. It apparently can make people crave sugar but honestly did nothing like that to me. If anything the adrenergic component gave me more energy. I could run for such long periods of time without even getting tired, it was great.


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## ChuckyFinster (Aug 2, 2013)

kehcorpz said:


> Odd because she gives you Valium which builds a bigger dependence. I tell my doctor "who cares if I become dependent, it's better than not sleeping".
> 
> Yah mirtazapine is known for weight gain but it never made me gain weight. It apparently can make people crave sugar but honestly did nothing like that to me. If anything the adrenergic component gave me more energy. I could run for such long periods of time without even getting tired, it was great.


See now this makes me really want to try the mirtazapine now.

As for the valium... So far, it is the only thing that's really helped, even if it is super addictive. I'd be terrified if she decided to stop prescribing it to me. -____-


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## riptide991 (Feb 1, 2012)

ChuckyFinster said:


> See now this makes me really want to try the mirtazapine now.
> 
> As for the valium... So far, it is the only thing that's really helped, even if it is super addictive. I'd be terrified if she decided to stop prescribing it to me. -____-


I'm not suggesting she stops valium, just find it comical she worries about sleep dependence hah.

Anyways, give mirtazapine a try, the worst that can happen is it may give you a bit of weight gain, but if it does you stop it and you lose it. Plus it will help you sleep a lot. This is the most potent sleep med you have ever tried. The first week you will need some time to get used to it as you may sleep 12 hours and still be tired in the morning. But once you get used to it it isn't bad hehe.


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## Monster123 (Aug 15, 2013)

This sounds like me through school and college. I had acquaintances but no one I could really call a close friend i.e. someone you could randomly call up to talk about something. I was very depressed and anxiety ridden at that time without really realising the extent of it.

I guess I was lucky as I went out with a couple of these people one evening when I was around 21 and someone I used to go to school with but didn't know that well came out with us and ended up turning into my best friend. I also met quite a few other people through her (in one way or another) who I'm glad to say are still good friends. I'm now 29 and me and her aren't inseperable like we once were but we still see each other a lot and I will always consider her my best friend as she sort of saved me in a way. I would probably still be the same friendless person if it wasn't for her. Even though I still suffer with SA I dread to think what it would have turned into. I am able to go out with friends at least and sometimes I don't think I appreciate that enough.

What I'm trying to say is even though it can be hard something can come along when you least expect it so please don't give up. I know it can be hard because I went through it and I still get anxiety when I think about going back to how I was. I still have bad times of course but in general I am a million times better than I used to be.

If anyone wants a chat I would be happy to listen.


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