# Doing the Nightlife



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Tonight I'm heading downtown to the bars by myself. I don't want to put too much emphasis on what I plan on doing tonight, so I'm aiming for just talking to people and NOT just women in particular. I don't want to be disappointed because I don't talk to women. Rather, my main goal for the evening will be to go, try and enjoy myself and socialize with those around me. I want to get used to this. Although I want to meet a girl, I don't want to make excuses for not going alone and meeting new people in general and denying myself the opportunity to have fun. Last few times I went I went with a friend and that kind of prevents me from talking to others. I want to socialize and mingle. Wish me luck!


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

LOL, sorry. When I posted that it was actually earlier than what it appears because my time settings aren't accurate.

Anyways, went out last night but my friend accompanied me. I didn't think he was going to be able to go but he was able so three people actually ended up going. I talked to a few different people but nothing special. Happy I went; nothing life-altering. I'm trying to adopt a new attitude on my conversation which I noted this morning:

First of all, you’ve always had the skill to be a great conversationalist. The only reason you think you aren’t is for a few reasons:

1) Lack of proof
You haven’t given yourself enough evidence that enforces your belief you’re a good conversationalist.

2) Concluding off others’ reactions
Just because someone acts offish towards you doesn’t mean you’re a bad conversationalist.

3) Because you don’t feel confident you assume your not good at communicating
This is not true. The fundamentals are simple no matter how confident you feel: conversation is a two-way deal. You cannot expect a good conversation with someone who is only willing to speak about themselves, their situation or remain disinterested for w/e reason. Just because your not confident doesn’t mean your not able to maintain a good conversation.


Q:	How do I remain a competent confident speaker?
Conversation is a two-way deal. If you notice, most people are bent on only speaking about themselves and their situation rather than contributing towards the conversation as a whole by asking questions. Good conversationalists realize that to engage an interesting conversation the party as a whole must be participating and sharing information together. Therefore, good conversationalist take part in BOTH speaking and active listening. To remain a competent speaker is to realize that no matter what you think about yourself you already know the fundamentals of speaking and are good at it, you don’t conclude yourself from others and you stay confident by holding these beliefs. Do not assume you need any attitude adjustment for good conversation. Conversation is more about contributing rather than creating a persona.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ok, so I've made the decision to head out alone again. The only person I'd want to go with me is my friend Victor but he recently has met another lady friend and he seems pretty busy with that, so I'll let him be for a while...

Anyways, I have a feeling I'm going to be pretty nervous about this. I feel like I'm going to be doing this for the first time even though that isn't true, but it's still new to me. I don't want anything to hold me back and I almost feel that I need to do this as a way to jump start some juices within me as I've been lackadaisical about this stuff lately; waiting for a sign.

Last time I went out alone it was about a month ago and I went to a club in downtown Akron. Never been there before and was only there for about 30mins. I was pretty self-conscious but I managed to talk to a few people but nothing long or interesting because I didn't venture from the bar. I remember going home frustrated probably because I felt like I failed at doing something that night and I felt just odd about it all and telling myself I'd never do it again. However, I know I'm capable of enjoying myself if I reconfigure my game plan and my attitude. I feel like I'm working from a novice frame of mind and there is much I need to realize and learn. I know when I get there I'm going to be nervous and self-conscious as hell but I'm nervous about a lot of things, especially when they are new. I can do this and have fun if I stay with it.

This time I plan on checking out another place (bar or club) probably downtown Akron. I may even go to a few local bars a couple days before hand on the weekdays before I go on a popular Friday or Saturday night.



Here are my goals:

-Go to bar or club alone
-Engage anyone in conversation (duration doesn’t matter)
-If necessary, approach a group of people and introduce/conversation (duration doesn’t matter)


Most people go out in groups. It's likely I will have to approach a set of people, which is ok. I don't want to remain inactive as I did the last time I went out alone as I will be prone to getting bored, feeling awkward and probably end up leaving. My best bet is to focus on socializing which will be beneficial to me in many ways. I don't want to elaborate too much on a game plan because it doesn't need to be complicated. I'll try to update the results soon.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Wow, so this was a pretty amazing time tonight...

I ended up driving about 23mins to downtown Akron to check out a pretty busy bar called Whisky Dick's smack in the middle of the heart of downtown. For a Tuesday it wasn't that busy so when I arrived there was only about 5 people there lounging drinking some drinks. To my surprise, the bartender (a really cute 24 year old woman) was very nice and friendly towards me. She started a conversation about working there and we got talking for about 5 minutes about school, work and it was a real refreshing conversation. She stated she was there since 1pm and she had to close and was basically just saying how it was going to be a long night. Whether they require their bartenders to talk to customers or not, it was really nice to have a friendly and meaningful conversation with an absolute stranger. It was beyond what I expected to tell the truth.

Also, after a few beers and me just looking up at the tv watching espn some guy in a mohawk introduced himself by the name of Todd. He starts talking about how he's an architecture graduate and before long I find out he's the owner of the entire bar! So we start talking about school, work, life ambitions and just BS'n and he buys me a drink and offers me a free game in pool! I actually thought I was going to win but lost by just a couple of balls. This guy was about 37 and really friendly and it he made me feel extremely welcome and it went past my expectations!

So I'm driving home thinking to myself what I'm going to write here on these forums because it's almost as if I made it up, but the truth is people are very friendly. There are some people who do what they can to start trouble but those people generally are the minority. I'm so happy I went and I plan on going out alone more often! Nobody thought I was weird and overall I got to know the bartender, the bouncer, and the owner in one single shot around 1.5 hours! I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for doing this or just genuinely satisfied with tonight, but either way I'm very happy I went and this experience will be etched in my memory-bank for some time! Yay!  !!!!

I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself! Lately I've been feeling very at ease with some of the oddest things, like going solo to bars for example. I've been dating more often and getting to know some really friendly and pretty women with a level of comfort I've never knew before. I'm living my life without fear and it's all because I've learned so much and I'm very grateful for that! There will always be fears in my life but the best lesson I've learned is I can learn and overcome. Most of this crap is in our heads. I'll try and post more of my experiences in the future


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Found a pretty cool website about going out alone:

http://www.goingoutalone.com/


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

right on!


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## Lisa (Jul 8, 2006)

You go!


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## lifes a puzzle (Aug 8, 2009)

That's really great!
I'm not sure I'm close to being able to do that. I'm still nervous in bars when I go with people.
Also I'm not sure how it would work being a woman. I think it would be different.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I ended up going out again last night with my friend Victor. It's kind of sad going to bars sometimes because the guy to girl ratio was way unbalanced; about 3/4 men. It's kind of ridiculous really and I'm not sure if that's just how it was last night or how it is all the time or if it was the specific bar or what. I hate it but I almost automatically feel like just another dude trying to pick up on women at a bar and what makes it worse is you see some women sitting around and having guys approaching them constantly. It just seems way unfair, especially with the 3/4 men ratio over women. And my friend Victor has this thing where he tries to act like he's a gangster-bad *** which quite frankly is embarrassing sometimes (I know how shallow that seems but it's true). He's cool to go out with sometimes because he's great company but he's pretty controversial and reckless at times. So I don't know, perhaps it's better if I go alone? I'd rather go alone than make another friend to go with for some reason.


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## AriesTrying (Mar 19, 2009)

this i really inspiring.

ive been thinking about goin to bars/pubs alone.. im 25 and female. just to see if i can do it. though i'm not sure if im ready yet - i dont think id be able to approacdh people. id probabl go to hear live music


do you find alcohol plays a big part in uninhibiting yourself? i noticed you said you were driving..so i thought maybe you manage without.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AriesTrying said:


> this i really inspiring.
> 
> ive been thinking about goin to bars/pubs alone.. im 25 and female. just to see if i can do it. though i'm not sure if im ready yet - i dont think id be able to approacdh people. id probabl go to hear live music
> 
> do you find alcohol plays a big part in uninhibiting yourself? i noticed you said you were driving..so i thought maybe you manage without.


Back in the day I wouldn't be able to do something like this but I've come a long way. Beer really isn't the thing that calms me down or anything it's more of a practical sense about how people are and what makes me comfortable. You have to understand that I'm also active in many semi-social things like work (chipotles as a server), college, and trying to maintain a somewhat social life which all have benefited my confidence. The combination of already being in social environments throughout my week, the raised bar-level of learning and comfort zones and just things I've tweaked in my head to get me motivated enough to do things. I believe that if I'm scared/shy/nervous about something that it's something I can gain comfort from by trial and error and by immersing myself in it. I've found it hurts way more to not do anything than to be motivated, inspired and challenged.

As far as drinking goes, I try to limit myself when I go out because I don't want to be drunk by myself or if I'm driving. Still, I realize this is no excuse.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*Need to find that confidence again*

Ok, so for about a whole week I've been pondering what happened to my motivation to meet women? Where'd it go? If your looking for an answer I can't really tell you but what I can say is that I've found something to motivate me again to take action.

I don't know why but for some reason this last week has been a bit down for me and I've seemed to lose confidence in myself. It was only 10 days ago I went to a bar in downtown Akron by myself and met some cool people, so what's up with the sudden loss of confidence in myself? I don't even feel like I can have a decent conversation with someone today and I'm feeling pretty negative about a lot of things. No matter, I've decided to build my confidence back up so I can go back out and meet some more people.

I feel like I need to gain some confidence with my conversation again because I'm feeling socially awkward with it recently and feel like I have nothing to contribute. So instead of trying to jump back on the bandwagon and going to the bar alone or with a pal to meet people, I'm going to start off back at square one and work my confidence back up talking with people. I already did so on yahoo messenger with a breeze, took a few notes, and plan on doing so with more people tomorrow. What's interesting to note is that my negativity has been really effecting my positive affirmations. I've been walking around telling myself that I'm capable of so many things lately and then WHAM here comes the negative thinking and negative affirmations. So I need to stop them and build my way back up. It shouldn't take long. Hopefully, I'm back out there working towards my main goal soon!

This site has helped me remember to take pressure off of conversation:
http://selfpursuit.com/the-art-of-conversation-with-strangers/27/


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> 2) Concluding off others' reactions
> Just because someone acts offish towards you doesn't mean you're a bad conversationalist.
> 
> Conversation is more about contributing rather than creating a persona.


2) is the hardest part for me.

and that about conversation? powerful sentence, that.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This'll be my last post for this thread. Went out to the bars last night for my friend's cousin's 21st bday. Plenty of women around but didn't talk to any of them. I didn't talk much to anybody besides my friend Victor. Seemed like the crazier you were the better you'd fit in. I drank quite a few; never really got crazy like the people that were with me. It's 9am and I feel like crap right now. Beyond that, I don't really know what to think about myself. I had ample opportunity to talk to women but didn't do it. I don't know whether it was because I was feeling out of place or a combination of that and shyness. Either way, in some fashion it blew my whole conversation goal right out the water. A part of me wants to say that I'm a failure for not really doing anything last night but what is that going to accomplish? I don't even know why that all matters right now. I was the one who really didn't say much of anything to anyone all night and that's probably why I feel so strange. Still, this doesn't define who I am nor my capabilities. I feel like I've dragged this thread on long enough. Sooner or later I'll want to do this crap all over again. I know I'll be thinking to myself I can meet women at a bar and will want to go again. Almost stupid really because none of this stuff should be hard for me, and IO don't know why I don't sometimes do the things I say I am. I won't lie to myself, most of the reason I went was to meet women and I should of at least tried. Instead, all I have now is a hangover, loss of money and a loss of ego. I won't blame it on the bars, nor the people who flock there because I know better. Nothing has changed for me. I still have great opportunity o meet the people I'm looking for. I won't use this as an excuse for why I suck because that's just being too hard on myself. Anyways, time to end this thread. Goal accomplished? LOL? What was the goal again?

EDIT: I won't lie to myself. It's my fault I am the way I am. It's my fault for the reasons I think the way I think. It's the truth and I'm not sugarcoating it anymore. It's not really about building up your confidence, being in the right place, or knowing the right people; it's about just doing it because people aren't going to hold your hand and tell you what's good for you. I need to stop making excuses for my behavior. I'm just making it hard on myself and I know I’m beyond the point of being capable so it’s useless to keep *****ing.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

good post


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Screw it, I'm bringing this thread back up...



I've been thinking about going out alone again tonight. I've looked all over goggle for some feedback on this and probably 80% of people, shy or not shy, say they wouldn't do this. Why? Because they said it'd be awkward and boring. For women I can understand going out alone and how that could be dangerous, but as for men, what other excuses are people using beside looking and feeling awkward?

It's strange how we see people going on dates to coffee shops and dinner dates where everyone in the world is there and possibly watching you, so what's the difference about going alone somewhere? It's the same thing. To me, it's MORE nerving to sit in front of someone and hold an interesting conversation while sipping on coffee then it would be going to a bar alone. Everyone says it's not good to go alone but how often have they done it? I know some people have and haven't enjoyed themselves but that's possibly because they never went to talk to anybody but if they did those people weren't very receptive or kind. 

I've went out alone once and it was fun (read above)! Some interesting aspects about going out alone is that your nervous when you get there so it's not that much worse to talk to someone. In fact, talking to someone makes you look less awkward so your actually looking forward to it! Going out alone makes it easier to interact with new people because you want to fit in, whereas if your with a group of friends, breaking away from them seems strange and intimidating as your already in your comfort spot.

I've been down lately and doubting myself because I don't talk much with people at school or work for various reasons. I think going out LOOKING FORWARD to talking with people will be different and will be refreshing. SO screw it, I'm going to a local spot down the street to talk to some people and have a cold one or two. It shouldn't be difficult if I make the decision to sit close by someone, order a drink, watch the tube and small talk. I'll post the results when I get back...

P.S. One thing I've noticed is if I set out to go somewhere with a goal in mind and do not at least attempt to do it, it gives me reason to doubt myself. I've found it's nearly always better to at least try and it won't be as bad as going with a goal in mind and not doing anything about it. I'll make my goals simple for tonight: go out, sit by someone, small talk, have a couple drinks, leave. If this is done successfully then I know it'll make me feel better and should motivate me to continue to keep doing such things.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I always thought going to a bar alone would set myself up for disaster. I have stories and I only went to the bars four times - June, 1999. 

That literally started a rebirth, but it was like starting all over (rebuilding a machine).


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Yeah, I actually read about your experience in a previous thread about the same subject.  Last night I drove down past the bar so I could pick up some money from the atm and when I drove by I glanced inside and it was packed because of preseason football. Usually this place isn't as packed and I thought it'd be a good idea to go and talk to some locals but last night it was jammed and I decided not to because I wasn't ready for all of that. I realize that it's best that I do some of these things because it'll keep me motivated and optimistic, so I've made some smaller goals throughout the week that involves me talking to some people at college, stuff like that. I won't try to push myself too hard because I have work and school the same day back to back and so I usually just want to get home and relax, which I typically do. It's not so much of going out of my way to go somewhere but rather taking the opportunities around my school, during breaks to interact, and the days I have off to at least keep me proactive about things. I think I need to take some pressure off myself because it's not like I have much time to socialize being that my classes are lectures and work is just kind of iffy, so I just want to be able to "keep a polished machine", if you will - that is, my head (lol). For once, it may be that I'm expecting too much out of myself for the time being and thinking I should be somewhere when I'm clearly exhausted may hurt me if I'm not careful. Got to find that fine line I suppose...


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## Intent (Sep 5, 2009)

strive, crash, try again my friend...

I've been to bars by myself literally hundreds of times. Without that, I'd never had much of a social life at all. And by social life, I do mean women.

After all, a bar is where people go to use alcohol to break down social inhibitions. So it's the ideal place, though society is cracking down.

I (almost) always went alone. I've been to small bars where almost everybody knew each other, so I had to break into groups. Big nightclubs. Motorcycle bars. Strange bars where you walk in, don't fit in at all with the people there - so have one beer and leave.

Let's face it, if you want to leave with a girl, you have to be alone when you go in.

Want some tips?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Intent said:


> strive, crash, try again my friend...
> 
> I've been to bars by myself literally hundreds of times. Without that, I'd never had much of a social life at all. And by social life, I do mean women.
> 
> ...


It's nice to hear of someone who feels they have learned something from the same experience. I know what I'm going through is worth doing. I'd love to hear more about your experiences and/or what you've learned...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I've been thinking a lot about what naturally attracts or interests me about other people so I can further understand my needs and wants regarding relationships with others. This may sound pretty simple to you, but what has really opened my eyes has been a clearer understanding of how I view others within the world. 

Lately it has really hit home that it's not that people aren't interesting, but rather it's myself not being open enough to appreciate, understand, relate and sympathize with others. When I limit my openess I limit my natural curiosity which affects my interest to interact with people. I often imagine myself talking to a stranger and losing interest or becoming bored very rapidly, and I have to ask myself why am I not interested? I have to ask myself why am I not entertained enough to REALLY want to contribute towards this conversation? Why do I not like small talk? I used to tell myself it's because this person simply isn't interesting, on my wavelength, etc. Interestingly enough, when I appreciate others I am receptive towards them and this is key because it's telling me that I'm being too critical and not open minded enough to want to connect. When your angry, upset or resentful towards others you are repelled and put off by people. When you appreciative and are in awe of people you become naturally interested and receptive. So another question you may ask yourself is, if I want to connect with people, how do I stop being resentful towards others? Learn to appreciate, respect and be in awe of others and you will become naturally interested. 

Learn how to appreciate people and you'll be interested in others. Be open-minded and try to be inquisitive instead of critical of people. People are doing amazing things all the time. When you see a child, what do you see? Are you in awe of the things children possess? When you see someone who is blind or cripple, are you amazed how cheerful they can be? Are you grateful for the things you have? We all need to ask ourselves questions that help us stay appreciative of our positions in life.

I know I'm all over with a concrete thesis but yeah...



This may sound strange to you but being interested in people can do a lot of things for you like:

-Entertainment
-Create friendships
-Build self-esteem
-Create confidence
etc...


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## Intent (Sep 5, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> It's nice to hear of someone who feels they have learned something from the same experience. I know what I'm going through is worth doing. I'd love to hear more about your experiences and/or what you've learned...


sorry for the delay, my friend.

I think you're absolutely right, it is absolutely worth doing... but maybe it's not right for everybody else. Tell you what, I might have been much worse off than you, seeing as I would get the blushing and sweating. Imagine ducking outside for a quick smoke (I used to smoke then) and seeing the steam rise off of me in 25 degree weather 

Anyway, alcohol can indeed be the key. Without it, I'd be the sweating doof that I'd been programmed to be. But with it, I became what I'd say was my real self.

I'd have about a million things to say, and a thousand stories. I know that people lie on internet, but I have not much reason to lie. There really was the time when the guy with the Hells Angels jacket was kinda scowling around, so (being whacked) I figured I go and mess with him  Or the time I first walked up to a group of 3 good-looking girls, swaggering (again being whacked). Wimpy me did that? I said to myself all next day. hehe

To me it was about getting to the point of what I termed "jumping off". Then I didn't care so much of it went good or bad, it was just that I DID IT, I overcame the skulking in the corner.

Most times, unless I ended up with a girl, I was overcome next day with the bitter bitter remorse. I'd browbeat myself like a dog. I came to realize there was an inner censor that tried to make me never speak or do. So the alcohol would defeat that censor, temporarily, until next day it would arise again - accompanied by the rebound anxiety.

Anyway, I applaud you for trying. I'll check back to see if this discussion keeps going. I like the concept of taking the more aggressive approach, to overcoming.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Thanks for the reply Intent. Sounds like you put some work in back then.

I went out last night to some downtown bars with a friend I haven't seen since high school. I was nervous before hand but when I got there I was at ease all night. I talked to a lot of people and every conversation seemed interesting, long-lasting and fluent. My friend left around 12:30-1am, but because I was having so fun and I felt so relaxed, I stayed and visited a couple more bars around the corner before I took off. I wasn't nervous at all in either of the two places and continued chatting up people. Around 2am, when the bars were closing, I walked up to a couple real pretty ladies and had a nice conversation with one of them and she seemed really nice and open to talk. I didn't get her number or anything because she was actually on her way out with her friends, but the conversation showed me that people in general are nice and that there are good people in bars, including women.

So what else can I say? I've done what I've set out to do. I feel motivated and excited to want to go out, even if it’s by myself (big goal of mine). For some reason, which I haven't really understood why yet, I am having good conversation with people, whereas that seemed like a challenge earlier in this thread. I know for certain that it’s what I think that changes everything and so there must of been something inside my head that just switched me, almost to say, "NOW you can enjoy yourself".

One major perception change of mine happened recently about a month or two ago. It isn't like I've never thought of these things before but they just really hit home to me recently. Without getting too far into detail I'll just list them. Ironically, they seem almost "duh" but here they are nonetheless...

Perceptions:

-People are generally nice. Being negative towards others is something that wears you down and brings back bad "karma", for a lack of a better word, so those who seem negative typically are that way because they don't know how else to react. Point of emphasis: it’s NOT because of you.

-Being social is easy. Meeting people is easy. Why is it hard? Because we make it hard. We make it hard on ourselves and on other people. When we begin to realize how much easier it is to interact with people verses not interacting with people we then see how hard it is to be antisocial. HOWEVER, and this is the kicker, just because you’re not interacting with people does not mean you're unable. If you don't feel like talking that is fine but don't say it’s because your unable to because of your anxiousness. Still, anxiety may prevent you from communicating with others, but take it from me, you are just as capable of communicating successfully with others as the next socially adept person. It's beautiful for me to KNOW that without a doubt things can turn around, especially if it's related to shyness/SA because it's a condition that YOU control, and after all, we can't truly control anything else to such an extent. So yeah, you can learn and change things if you put in the time, stay committed and if you really want to do it. 

I have a lot more to say but some guy is like sitting right by me staring at what I'm writing so I'm going to get off here...be back later...

Back..

-There is something powerful about appreciating people. I realize that there is so much more to say about it but words fail me right now. This is one of those things I'm still learning and becoming aware of more and more. But like I said, being appreciative of people changes your perspective big time, or at least in my situation it helps. (read about it two posts up)


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

lol @ staring guy.

Wow bwidger85, thats impressive and inspirational, what you've accomplished. Its really nice to see your progress laid out on a thread.


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## Intent (Sep 5, 2009)

"There is something powerful about appreciating people"

fwiw, the idea I developed is this: find something that's genuinely worthy of a compliment and then give the compliment. If they like it, then they think like you and you have something in common. If they don't understand your compliment, then maybe they're not what you thought they were. If you can't think of any genuine compliment, then they're a regular human 

Just curious: what's the problem in going by yourself? For me, tjhat was always better because I could delay or duck out or whatever, until I got rolling.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Intent said:


> "There is something powerful about appreciating people"
> 
> fwiw, the idea I developed is this: find something that's genuinely worthy of a compliment and then give the compliment. If they like it, then they think like you and you have something in common. If they don't understand your compliment, then maybe they're not what you thought they were. If you can't think of any genuine compliment, then they're a regular human
> 
> Just curious: what's the problem in going by yourself? For me, tjhat was always better because I could delay or duck out or whatever, until I got rolling.


It probably is better going by yourself, but I guess I still have that idea that it'll be less fun or that I'll be bored or something. I'm sure that belief in itself depends on how I spend the night while I'm there...


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## ringfortheking (Sep 22, 2009)

Going to a bar doesn't require a lot of thinking ahead. Just go. Mingle. It's that easy.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

ringfortheking said:


> Going to a bar doesn't require a lot of thinking ahead. Just go. Mingle. It's that easy.


Simple enough.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Went downtown to a couple of bars tonight by myself. Nothing too exciting. Talked to a view people here and there. There were girls around but most were occupied with friends or distracted, and some were obviously with guys. Hung around the first bar for about an hour then jogged down to another -- dead and nothing of interest. Didn't put too much emphasis on tonight. Tomorrow I plan on hitting up another part of downtown called Rays, which is some trendy bar that looks promising. If nothing happens, that's cool, but I'm not going to bring myself down for not meeting anyone in particular. I'm relaxed and open and that's all I can ask for. If I end up running, approaching or chatting up a girl I like then I'll ask for her number. I don't expect it to be smooth sailing from there, but I'll do the rounds and ask her if she'd like to hang out sometime; if nothing happens that's fine too. It's not about one night in particular or a few girls being offish because I know that that's just how it works sometimes. In a sense, I'm proud of myself for not really caring anymore. Perhaps I'll just walk up to a random group of people tomorrow and chat up some ladies within the group. Enough singling out particular ladies because that's pretty uneventful considering that most go in groups with friends, etc. Am I a creep? LOL, no. I'm just a badass-good looking bloke taking advantage of some bars to meet some interesting and cool women. Yeah, it'd be nice to meet someone but I won't put too much hopes in the air for it. It's like anything else: you put forth the time and sometimes it's fruitful and sometimes it's not, but at least I'm doing what needs to be done. What else can you ask for? Life is good. No complaints


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

This is very impressive, keep up the good work!
I don't mean to sound disrespectful in any way, but how many people actually go to bars by themselves? I know it's a good way to get used to strangers, but I've always thought that was quite a deviation from "social norms" so to speak. I always imagined I'd feel very uneasy going to a bar by myself. But then again, I could start a conversation with someone and if they ask me why I'm by myself, I could just tell them I'm waiting on a friend but he might end up not showing up or something.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

JMX said:


> This is very impressive, keep up the good work!
> I don't mean to sound disrespectful in any way, but how many people actually go to bars by themselves? I know it's a good way to get used to strangers, but I've always thought that was quite a deviation from "social norms" so to speak. I always imagined I'd feel very uneasy going to a bar by myself. But then again, I could start a conversation with someone and if they ask me why I'm by myself, I could just tell them I'm waiting on a friend but he might end up not showing up or something.


I had a hard time making up my mind to go alone, but when it comes down to it, it's actually easier to meet people when your by yourself -- that is, unless of course, you go with a big group of people. Is it a little strange going out alone? No, not if your having a good time and meeting people. It's like going out with a friend, instead you have the whole bar to befriend instead of just hanging around one person -- nothing wrong with that.

I've made up my mind, and I'm going for it. Why would someone go out of their way to be disrespectful towards me? Because they got problems, not me, and who really cares? It's all about meeting the people who are open and friendly, and the bars of full of those type of people. I've finally come to understand that with anyone, including women, you have to look at their personality the same way you would anyone else: some suck and some don't, and it's really as simple as that. Some people are open and some aren't. Some people want to waste their time hating on others and others think that's a waste of energy. I don't have SA, I'm only shy if I want to be, and life is too short not to go after the things you want. I have no time constraints on meeting anyone because that's out of my hands. I like to post and talk about stuff I've experienced and that's the only reason why this thread is still alive.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ok, so I went out again alone tonight. I only had 7 dollars to spend for the evening. Got there around 11:30 and left around 12:45am. Managed to text a buddy of mine who was there briefly but left due to some beer concerns, so I was left to go sit at the bar alone. 

As I went up to the bar I ordered my drink and started chatting up a guy next to me, which I never received his name, but I know he was from Arabia and he was going for his masters in business information or something. Anyways, chatting with him for about 45mins but the bar wasn't hoping too much. There were a couple of cute girls but I wasn't really ready to talk to any of them because I was preparing to be there longer. Unfortunately, my 7 dollars ran out quick. Anyways, while I was there some girls stood right beside the Arabian dude and ordered him a drink (obviously a pickup move), and I thought that was pretty cool. His didn't do anything but drink it and shrug like he was about to hurl, so that was pretty funny. I also had a couple girls stand next to me but of course I positioned myself at the worst part of the bar -- the corner -- and so when the ladies stood next to me they only stood there for about 15-20 seconds before they saw a better opening at the bar to grab the bartender's attention. Whew, a couple of them were really hot too! You know, I'm not THAT shy that I won't strike up a conversation with them but I literally didn't have time as they moved on quickly. I even had one girl eye me at the other end of the bar but I wasn't really motivated to talk to her. I ended up leaving around 12:40am with no cash because I spent it all, and so my night was pretty much over. I told the Arabian guy I was there by myself and he said he was there alone too so it was cool.

So here's the most important aspect of this story: what did I learn? Well, I learned that I should bring more cash next time. I learned better hours to come and I learned that I shouldn't position myself in the corner of the bar. I had a couple of opportunities to just walk up and strike up conversation with some ladies around me but wasn't focused on that this time around. I've learned that Tuesdays are ladies' night (hehe). Ok, I guess I didn't learn too much but the plot thickens...

I've waited all week to head out downtown and I was really excited. I'm not bummed about it though. I plan on going out again alone tomorrow. The time, however, I'm going to do a few things I typically wouldn't do just to see what happens. After all, it's all about trying new things when your learning. Perhaps I'll approach groups of people and just ask a girl within the group if she'd like to get a drink with me (I've seen my friend do this successfully). Perhaps I'll make it a point to approach any woman with or without company, in the mist of conversation with someone else, or literally walk over the other end of the bar to a girl who's simply ordering a drink and just talk to her. My current philosophy is that this approach is intrusive, but screw it. Case in point, I want to try different things and learn and grow, adapt and gain more confidence. Tonight I saw plenty of women sitting down in a group of people -- perhaps I should of just approached them sitting down in the mist of conversation and ask if she'd like to get a drink? Come on, I want to learn from this, and so I suppose I have to test my boundaries and evolve. I plan on writing down some goals (dares) tomorrow and test them out just to see what happens. After all, I've proven to myself a zillion of times that things change dramatically even with the smallest of changes or views. Who says I can't do this or that? Who says I'm weird for this or that? Test my boundaries and see what happens. I'll try to post an update tomorrow. I'll cash my check so I'll have more money this time too


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I just got done reading some of my previous posts. I've developed a little since the beginning. I feel I am confident enough now to have good conversations with anyone in bars, which was a big desire of mine. Now, I just have to do the approaching. Let's see where this takes me...


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## illusoryman (Oct 13, 2009)

Good on you bwidger! That takes a lot of courage going by yourself, and it sounds like it's finally paid off!


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## Phibes (Mar 8, 2009)

I'd go out tonight but I'm too poor. I should go gamble my last few dollars away and hope I win something lol.


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## JMX (Feb 26, 2008)

Wow, very nice. I don't think I'll ever grow the balls to go to a bar by myself, but maybe I will some day. It seems that's the best (and probably only) way to meet new people.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I ended up going alone again last night but didn't do anything different from the other night. I walked into a different bar this time but everyone was sitting down, crowded at the bar and in groups or pairs of two. My first move was to the bar to order a drink only to realize that I'll have to down it because I already made the decision that I wasn't going to interrupt anybody's gathering at such a quiet and low-key place. I saw a couple of people just starring at me as I stood as the only unpaired individual in the entire bar watching tv and sipping on a glass of miller. My whole thought was to down the beer and leave right after, and so I did. After which, I went to the bar I had gone on the night before only to walk in less enthused and unengaged. I ordered another drink but this time didn't sit at the bar and stood with my back against the wall thinking how fast I could chug this beer and leave.

What is interesting about my experience was that I am not really nervous about going, or even standing there by myself, but I honestly don't have any ambition to talk to anyone sometimes. I saw some women sitting down by the window but they were paired in fours and I didn't have the gall to walk over, interrupt their conversation and bud in. This may be a limiting belief, but I see no logic or excitement in doing so. I honestly feel like my only hope is to just sit at the bar for a LONG time next time until an opportunity presents itself. I don't feel like it's socially acceptable to bud into a crowded table with a group of people I don't even know and expect them to all conversate with me. There is probably a way of thinking and doing it that is normal but I haven't thought of it yet and so I'm not enthused about it. This may have a little to do with approach anxiety but it seems more like it's just a bad idea to do it. Still, I can't ignore that I'm more comfortable in a super-crowded bar where hardly anyone can recognize I'm solo; in which I can slip and slide into and out of conversations with people randomly without being noticed. I know it has a lot to do with being embarrassed, but it honestly seems like the only way to meet women in bars! lol. I guess I could make it more easy on myself if I told myself the reason why women go in groups with other women is to meet men, but how correct would I be?

I promise, one day I'll do something out of the ordinary. I'm not giving up. At times like this I traditionally make excuses for why I'm not doing the things I said I was going to do, but there are no excuses. What gets me is why the heck am I waiting all week till 12am to walk into a bar and interrupt some ladies at a table when I can do this at a more convenient time at a restaurant or something? LOL. Heck, what's the difference? I'm going to embarrass myself to death and look extremely desperate, but what's the dang difference? LOL. These bars are seeming to be only the surface of things because, in truth, everywhere is a good place to meet women. I mean, I guess I just have to do some out of the ordinary things to make it happen and stop focusing on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at the bar and start focusing on the weekdays as well, but I've done this before and it gets exhausting. What it truly comes down to is confidence honestly. That I can do but I just need to solely focus on being an obnoxious solo guy interrupting a "girls night out" in the mist of the entire bar just so I can prove something to myself, which, ironically, may prove that it is possible after all...

Arg, do you SEE the confusion here!?:no

To simplify everything I've said above: I feel like there is hope still and so I'm ambitious to go and try. I feel like there are small things I should be doing that will make a world of difference. I think the reason why there is still hope in me is because I haven't done enough approaching, which is so ironic because that's my main goal in the first place! I'm obviously doing something that isn't getting me results, and it's undoubtedly the approach thing but I also believe there is another aspect, and that is that I'm too narrow on whom I'm going to approach and where inside the bar. For instance, my main focus is that I'm going to approach a single woman sitting at the bar by herself, but women hardly sit alone in a bar by themselves, and if they do then they won't for long, so any "picture" of that is clearly unrealistic. I need to expect certain things. I need to expect that I may have to possibly approach a group of people sitting down, introduce myself, and then ask if one of the women would like to get a drink with me. My point is, I need to stop being so narrow on whom and where I'm going to approach, or simply change my focus from the bar of solo women (not realistic), to a more realistic situation that involves women in a group of people. I also need to think about what I'm going to do if it fails; should I go back to the bar and sit or should I plan on approaching a group of people one after the other? There are things I need to clear out in my head and SERIOUSLY consider them and practice them, learn from them and adapt. I've been through this before with a lot of things. The best way is to learn firsthand because assumptions will keep me in this guessing arena, and I'm getting pretty tired of it to be honest.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Ok, so I went out again tonight. I feel like I've gained a sense of familiarity and comfort within these places. At first, I am nervous but as an hour goes down I'm talking to people. I managed to go down to a dance/bar down the way from where I usually go. When I got there it was about 12:30am. Unafraid, I stood there just watching everybody on the top floor dance while I sipped on a brew. These pretty girls stood right beside me for a minute and then in front of me. I walked up to them without hesitation after a couple of minutes and said, "So, this is where the fun is, huh?". They were really nice girls (probably 19 or so). There were three of them and I talked to them for a few minutes with comfort. What's important about this interaction was that it proved to me one thing, and that's that people go to these places for fun and are excited to talk to new people. Ok, so mission accomplished! No number but I picked up a good mentality for tomorrow when I head out.

So, why am I talking to girls? Obviously, I want to meet some nice women. Tonight I didn't ask for a number. I wanted to just talk to a few. While I was standing there drinking my beer I thought of a few things I could do to get a number next time. I thought that I'll just approach like I did tonight, introduce myself, small talk, then say something along the lines of, "Hey, you come up here often?", yes or no I'll just say ask for her number and say that if I see them again I'll send them or text or something. It's one of those things to say so I don't seem intrusive. For me, it's not really about making a relationship successful from a meeting, but rather it's about gaining the confidence to know I can go to these places and meet women and get numbers, etc.

So tonight I didn't get any number BUT i did get a good mentality for next time. I've come a long way but it's not over yet. I've come from fearing of going out alone, to building confidence in conversation in these environments, to approaching and now to gaining a new mentality of ease and comfort. The next step is to ask for numbers. I don't expect to have anything happen from them. I'm simply asking for some experience and confidence regarding getting numbers. Tomorrow I'm going to think about what I want to do. I plan on approaching women like I did tonight, small talk briefly, ask if they come here often and then ask for their number (maybe not quite in that order, but yeah).

I'm almost done here. The more I go to these places alone the more I ask myself why I'm doing it in the first place. Before I left my apartment tonight I was thinking about how long I've been building up things in my head to do this type of stuff, and here I am. I'm not done yet. I absolutely need to get numbers. I know that the numbers won't be the end of the line either. I realize that I'll have to get LOTS of numbers before I even meet someone who wants to date. I realize that most women may give out their number not because they are interested but because it's not a big deal to them - almost like friendship. However, I'm taking it steps at a time. My next step is to get some numbers, so let's go!

There are still some things I need to work on both mentally viewing situations/people and also some more practice but I'm not giving up and it'll happen because I'm beginning to feel that critical mentality/confidence shift and that's when things really take off!




Here are some barriers I felt going on in my head tonight:

-Hesitant about asking for numbers in front of others



So will think of something and prepare myself for this instance when and if it happens next time. Being mentally prepared is critical in asking in real time.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

(First thins is frist...screw the spellcheck and punctuation on this one...I hope I don't annoy you too much with my horrible grammer errors...)




Ok, so for the first time on this forum I just want to say...

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAHHHHH BIOOOOOOOOYYYYYIEEE!!!!!


hahaha!!!



Yup, within 30 mins of being at the bar landed a number tonight!


Once again, went out alone like I have been doing lately. After last night I figured I had to step it up. I already talked to a few ladies but never asked for their numbers. It was on my mind tonight before I went that if I talked to some ladies I'd ask. I was basically just standing there wathcing the big screen with a beer in my hand and a cute 26 year old sat right beside where I was standing to my left. So, of course, I started small talk. She was very nice (almost every girl I meet at the bar is) and she was very pretty with blonde hair hazel eyes. She kind of reminded me of that actor in the wedding singer (Christine Joan Taylor Stiller) because she looked exactly like her! I was almost going to ask ehr for her autogrpagh there for a second! But anyways, yeah, so I started talking to her for a bit and she mentioned she was from Michigan. I asked ehr why she was here in Ohio and she said for her friend, and out of nowhere come sher friend to sit beside her. She had blonde hair, tall, skinny, blue eyes and darn near 6 feet tall! So this led me to ask where her friend wasn from. Christine Joan Taylor Stiller (not her real name at the bar) introduced me to her. She had mentioned they were friends since they were seven. Anyways, long story short, the girl was blatently mentiong how she was single and that her friend (Christine Joan Taylor Stiller) was her support for the night and taking ehr out because of it. So of course the first thing in my head that popped up was, "Uh, yeah... there ya go!", so I asked her for her number, told her I wouldn't stalk her or anything (it was funny when I said it) and she gave it to me then told me to remember how to spell her name so I don't get it confused with all the other name sin my phone! LOL. SO yeah, bingo.

Well, they ask me to watch their seat while they go out to have a smoke and of course I said yes. While I was sitting there I was like, "Man, I really don't care if I'm here anymore" and so I mentioned on was on my way out to head to another bar, and that was that. Do I expect anything from this number? It'd be cool but I know from past expereince numbers don't mean too much, but she was so blatent about everything and asking me so many questions that I think she was interested. In any case, I'm happy that i did what I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THIS WHOLE TIME!!! I DID IT AND I'M FEELING SO RELIEVED RIGHT NOW!!

I am very proud of myself. It' snot difficult and I knew it wasn't from the get go. The hardest part is just taking those first few steps and once those are over you realize how easiy it truely is. I've known this for a while because I've proven it to myself over and over and over again. What I did tonight is only a step, but these steps build so much confidence and expereince that it instills a new idology. I'm very proud of myself because it's been something I've been wanting to do for a while now, and it was very daunting for me mentally. It took a lot of guts but I've done what I've set out to do. I've gained postive expereince and confidence form doing so and this is worth a million dollars to me. Tonight I didn't need 5 or 6 numbers; just one. However, this is only the beginning. Just like when I first started, going out alone wasn't the end because I had to develop myself and build confidence. Well, I'm at that point. Today at school I evena pproach two girls sitting down outside of class. Nothing happeend from it but it was simplier than I thought.

Well, I'm super pumped now! I don't want to stop there! I want to be able to approach women I fancy whenever and whereever I choose. I don't expect it to be a homerun, and so I've learne dnot to put os much emphasis on little things anymore. My emphasis is on the other person and their character and how they treat me. I don't want someone who treats me bad. I want someone on a deeper level. I'll keep trying and I'll keep trying. Tonight was a huge pillar knocked down! A huuuuuge pillar! I will continue to learn, love and grow.

YYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH BOOOOOOIIIIIYYYIIIIEEE!!! haha


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## AKSA (Oct 14, 2009)

I am in total admiration at what you’re doing. 

How long did it take you to get to this stage, and what were you like previously before you started getting rid of social anxiety?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

AKSA said:


> I am in total admiration at what you're doing.
> 
> How long did it take you to get to this stage, and what were you like previously before you started getting rid of social anxiety?


It's taken me all my life obviously, but I didn't REALLY start trying till these last couple of years, but it was very gradually and I've learned so mucha bout myself and other people since then.

I started having anxiety problems at 14 and had major social anxiety 15-17 to where I was totally immobilized (every symptom you can imagine I had). I just started challenging my fears very slowly and it got to a point where I went back to school, got a job, moved out on my own and now approaching women. It sounds simple enough but as you know it was a difficult transition. I can't even begin to tell you how many different screwed up thoughts I've had in the past.

Like everyone else on these forums I just started somewhere and very slowly worked up from there. It seems impossible at first and it took me years to see things the way I do now. Ironically, it's all about stretching your zones and learning. I started off IMing women on yahoo chat when I was 18 and it took me this long to somewhat feel comfortable approaching women, so that just goes to show you how much crap I've had to work out in my head, and it included learning life lessons and understanding myself and people more.

I could go on and on but it's so complex and it involves much more than learning how to approach women. All I can say is that you have to go through stuff to learn stuff and you adapt and grow from it. That's all I can really say...


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## shy_guy (Oct 11, 2009)

mad props my dude! I could never go out to a place like that by myself.. i seriously would freak out and nobody want to talk to the nevious quiet loner downing beers as fast as possible just to calm his nerves...sigh... one day man one day...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Alright, heading out tonight with the intention of getting some numbers. I'll approach some people and see what happens. Hopefully I'll get more than one number tonight. I don't feel as confident as I did the other night but I'll make it a point to get some numbers


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Went out to the bar again tonight. I ended up sitting at a back bar for about 20mins. I couldn’t help but notice how I felt like I was making the bartender (lady) nervous because I was watching a NBA game right over her head while she was forced to stand there, so I eventually moved to the middle bar in the main area of the bar. I sat there for about 10-15mins. A group of three girls asked if I could take a picture of them and I did. Eventually, some guys started budding up behind me trying to move in for some beers so I scooted out my chair and used that example to talk to a couple girls across the bar isle.

When I walked over to the two girls, once again I was greeted with open arms and we tried talking over the loud music. My eyes were set on a brunette, tall with a tight white shirt, but as we got talking a couple of girls jumped in between us for bar position. As soon as they did, the girl I was talking to left (probably to the restroom while her friend sat there). I started to loose interest in having a conversation because I wasn't in any position to have a conversation with a girl in between the one girl's friend I was talking to, and I also noticed the girl's friend was with a guy because he seemed intent on staying beside her, so it's a good thing I didn't go any farther and pursue that number. So I ended up leaving because I wanted a different place to go to.

Thankfully, we have about 5 bars within a block's radius from each other, so I went to the next best one. Inside I picked a spot by a lonely guy drinking a beer and started up a conversation about the Cavaliers. He managed to do all the talking and actually knew more about the Cavs than I did (surprisingly). He ended up leaving about 15mins later. There was a few girls standing around me but seemed perplexed on each other’s conversation so I figured it's best I let them be, so then I went to the next best bar.

At this point it's around 1am as I walk into the last bar of the evening. Upstairs contains a dance room with live music and a DJ. I commented on one girl's dance moves and spoke briefly but nothing special. I stood around for another 20 mins before I decided to call it a night.

So yeah, once again I had the opportunity to get a couple of numbers, but what were the barriers this time? My approaches seem to be flawless and women are really friendly towards me. I think I could of got the first girl's number if she would of hung around 5 minutes longer because I was trying to get to know her more before I asked her. I also think that I could of tried to converse with the girls at the second bar, but my notion that they were in their circle infringed upon that. The third bar I don't really care about.

So perhaps my next goals are to approach women no matter their situation (within a group, not within a group, conversing/not conversing). The sky is the limit. I will focus on that goal tomorrow as I go out again. I’m happy I went out tonight because I was feeling depressed not doing anything about my situation beforehand.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Not many ladies out tonight, but I managed to pull another number.

I was bar hopping alone again downtown and the last bar I went to I stood behind three ladies who were conversing. I just walked up, said hello, introduced myself and started with basics conversation. One of them continued conversation with me and after we talked for a little bit longer I asked if she liked to text. She said she did like to text so I got her number.

Man, this is starting to get easy or what!? I was nervous before coming out but after a few beers and talking with that some dude I felt very comfortable and I started having fun. Wow, I think I've accomplished my entire mission...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

*I've completed my goals for this thread [email protected]*

This will be my last post on this thread (I promise).

Well, went out again tonight and had a blast! I've been going there off and on through out the weeks (same bars downtown) and because of that I'm starting to run into some familiar faces. Remember that Arabic guy I talked about earlier in my posts, well he was there again tonight (he also goes solo). Well, he's a really nice and super guy and it almost seems as if people are drawn to him. There was this SUPER, SUPER, SUPER HOT (did i say HOT!?) girl standing next to him listening to us two talk about stuff. She ended up sitting down and having a conversation with him and I admire this guy (name is Anoop) because he is very kind and at the same time shy (reminds me of me).

Needless to say, I left and approach a couple of ladies within the bar. The first set didn't really seem into conversation so I excused myself and told them to have a goodnight. I then came back to Anoop and he was still talking to that really hot woman (she was probably about 25-26 and seemed very nice as well). I sat down had another beer and then decided to walk around again and see if I could approach anyone. I saw another set of girls but these two looked familiar from the Friday before. I walked up and they recognized me and we had small talk, cracked a few jokes, talked about dancing and then I asked for both their numbers and they gave it to me. One of them asked for my number after a minute or two because she said unless I give her my name she won't respond back to me because she gets random texts all the time, so of course I told her my name. I just texted them both to wish them a safe drive back; no response yet but w/e, they are nice girls and I'm happy I know them now.

So I feel like I've completed my goals for this thread. Once again, I realize that there are things yet to learn but my main objective seems to be completed, and that is feeling confident about what I'm doing, and I feel that way. I won't lie though, I am always somewhat nervous before I arrive but when I get there a lot of that dissipates. I honestly feel I could of got more numbers that night if I wanted to but I wasn't very motivated after I got those two numbers. I'm still easing into it and I realize that numbers don't mean relationships or even dating, but they are definitely a must for staying in contact with someone who may want the same things I do. I honestly am not typing all this to boast because I would of done this anyway if I wasn't on this site. I would like to share my experiences though and I enjoy doing so.

So what have I learned about my experiences going out "doing the Nightlife" solo? The following is a list of the things I feel represent my ideas about the situation:

1) Just like anything else, you can adapt to most circumstances.

2) There are plenty of people who go out alone and it's not a weird thing at all.

3) Women are just as nice as anyone else inside a bar. I've ran into one tonight, whom after I approached, said first thing, "I have a boyfriend", and that's the worst thing I've ever heard come out of a woman's mouth at a bar. That's ok, she's honest. Most of all the other women I've ran into are super nice and more than willing to talk. It's a great thing!

4) Numbers aren't a big deal. It's a preconceived notion in some of our heads that numbers mean something intrusive but it can represent a variety of things. I would say most people (men and women) give their numbers out as a gesture for friendship. Still, this is not to say that there are those who also give out their number as a request to date.

5) Conversation is easy in a bar. Just say anything, ask questions and it's up to the other person to decide whether they want to continue the conversation. If not, no big deal. You did your part and they aren't willing to make conversation possible. The emphasis is no longer your fault for faulty conversation, but rather that you gave your slice and it's up to them to dish back. Simple as that. No need to feel like you have to capitalize on anything if your asking for a number, just ask and your chances stay relatively the same.

6) Take advantage of the opportunities presented to you. You always feel better that you went (if you attempt goals) than if you were to stay home and wallow.

I'm sure there are other things I've learned but these come to mind first. Usually, I a like to stay a little humble at a time like this but to heck with it.....
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CONGRADULATIONS MEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## delirium (Jun 24, 2009)

Thanks for sharing, *bwidger85*. I'll consult this thread when I get back into the "field" and begin approaching "sets" again .


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