# Paying for sex



## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

I'm wondering about paying for sex. Is there someone here who paid for sex and can give me a hint as to how I should go about it? Should I just browse the web and try to find an escort on a not-so-shady site? I'm clueless...

I'm not a virgin by the way, but I just can't get sex unless it's with the girl I lost my virginity to. It doesn't come naturally for me, like it's not something of mine. I only do it with her. It's not mine, it's really hers. That's not natural. I can't really explain it. I just need to get it out of my system and since I have a chronic inability to get intimate with other people - and I only know very few girls, am too shy and too ugly - this is the only way I can think of.

Thanks for any pointers you can give me.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

The sex slave industry is too wide. How do you know you're having sex with someone that's being forced into it? Being a John might make you a rapist.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

nubly said:


> The sex slave industry is too wide. How do you know you're having sex with someone that's being forced into it? Being a John might make you a rapist.


While I do agree, I also think there's only so much a guy can be expected to have to take. A sexless, loveless, lonely life is torture, and probably going to lead to suicide. As I see it, she's a prostitute, someone is going to have sex with her. The OP abstaining is only hurting himself.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

do it


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

If it's legal and you're willing to risk STDs, there aren't really too many other negatives. As long as you don't expect love.


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## path0gen (Jun 28, 2006)

It's only a matter of time before this post gets deleted but, from what I understand, you give a prostitute money, she takes it and basically does whatever you want, then you leave. That's based on my limited experience watching Dateline and movies and such.


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

All your doing is supporting satan and his minions. You're making the world a worse place to live by engaging in acts that will spawn children in situations they're most likely going to end up making the world a worst place to live sociology 101

Go to church, man.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

Innocent James said:


> All your doing is supporting satan and his minions. You're making the world a worse place to live by engaging in acts that will spawn children in situations they're most likely going to end up making the world a worst place to live sociology 101
> 
> Go to church, man.


?


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

your life, your choice.


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

Demon Soul said:


> ?


man, I am telling you I've been there on the inside I over herd women talking about selling another woman's baby for $5,000 most likely a prostitute, but who cares the baby was most like going to get aborted anyways...

Open your eyes, people.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

The police do a lot of backpages stings now. So do research like on reddit to make sure you'll be in the legal grey area before contacting someone.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think prostitution is legal in most of Europe.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Innocent James said:


> All your doing is supporting satan and his minions. You're making the world a worse place to live by engaging in acts that will spawn children in situations they're most likely going to end up making the world a worst place to live sociology 101
> 
> *Go to church, man*.


Yes, because there you are not going to find any prostitutes. Lol!


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Ask a married guy, he pays for sex and he doesn't get any.


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## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

sajs said:


> Ask a married guy, he pays for sex and he doesn't get any.


Ahahahaahahh


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## Alkalinity (Mar 10, 2013)

There are a lot of independent escorts on Craigslist but you have to be wary of being robbed or beaten by scammers. I'd meet up in a hotel or some place and never go to a girls house. Some girls also have their own sites and that seems like the best bet imo. Brothels exist too if you look around enough. Also there's no shame in doing it, that's what they're there for and I doubt they'll have STDs unless you go for the cheap obviously drug addicted girls. I feel good escorts are probably a lot more keen on hygiene and safe sex than your average girl for obvious reasons. Obviously I don't know too much about escorts because I'm a girl but out of curiosity I'd lurk on the casual encounters thing of craigslist a long time ago so that's just my two cents.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Thanks for replying.

The issue isn't so much about "if" I should do it, as it is about "how" I should do it. That's why I was asking for tips from people who've actually done it. Having an anxiety disorder, however, makes things more complicated. I fear scammers, for instance. Not the police, though, since it's legal. So far my idea is to find some site, look up some girls, decide on one, contact her and arrange a meetup sometime, somewhere. It's not clear to me what can possibly happen, though, and that makes me anxious...


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## warhaiku (Apr 12, 2016)

There are a lot of legitimate/non-sketch agencies where a typical incall would be $120-160 (in Toronto at least) or something for half an hour. The girls are usually nice and they make you take a shower and use a condom, it's very low-risk STD-wise. I think it's a good way to get over that whole "virgin" thing, but ultimately it's expensive and fleeting. I'd say do it. An independent off Craiglist or Backpage is risky.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

I heard a lot of asian guys travel to Toronto to get laid. Prostitution must be top notch there...


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Innocent James said:


> All your doing is supporting satan and his minions. You're making the world a worse place to live by engaging in acts that will spawn children in situations they're most likely going to end up making the world a worst place to live sociology 101
> 
> Go to church, man.


That sounds like a reason to go do it.

I saw a youtube ad from a girl in Vegas who works with adult virgins, wondering if I could get out there and just die off of what little I've saved.


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

NoName99 said:


> Thanks for replying.
> 
> The issue isn't so much about "if" I should do it, as it is about "how" I should do it. That's why I was asking for tips from people who've actually done it. Having an anxiety disorder, however, makes things more complicated. I fear scammers, for instance. Not the police, though, since it's legal. So far my idea is to find some site, look up some girls, decide on one, contact her and arrange a meetup sometime, somewhere. It's not clear to me what can possibly happen, though, and that makes me anxious...


I think prostitution is legal in Portugal?

You should find a forum on the subject in Portugal where men review escorts. Ask advice there.

There is probably some kind of website where women place ads. You call a number in an ad. You negotiate price and she gives you a location.

You should avoid inviting a prostitute to your home. 
Keep your wallet in sight at all times. 
Bring condoms.

If you are scammed, just accept the loss and move on. I read stories in newspapers of men who get into trouble trying to recover money from a scammer. It's not worth it.

It's not likely you'll be scammed but it's likely you'll get bad service. Like any profession, it's not easy finding someone who is really good at what they do. That's why your best bet would be to find someone who has positive reviews.

In terms of social anxiety, there is nothing to worry about. The interaction is just very straightforward. If you're lucky, she'll be very friendly and do her best to put you at ease.

Also a lot of strippers are also prostitutes. You can get to know them at the strip club which makes things easier.

I would generally recommend a strip club because it can help you get comfortable talking to women. And it's pretty easy to just ask them out. That gives you some practice asking a women a out. You can practice different strategies.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> I think prostitution is legal in Portugal?


Yes it is, as long as it isn't done in front of everyone.



AngelClare said:


> You should find a forum on the subject in Portugal where men review escorts. Ask advice there.


That's a good tip. Have you done it yourself? I'd like to know how it all happened. If I'm going to do this, I want to be prepared for what may or may not happen.



AngelClare said:


> If you are scammed, just accept the loss and move on. I read stories in newspapers of men who get into trouble trying to recover money from a scammer. It's not worth it.


I understand. I guess it would be wise to bring only an amount of money equal to the agreed upon price and nothing else, not even car keys.



AngelClare said:


> Also a lot of strippers are also prostitutes. You can get to know them at the strip club which makes things easier.
> 
> I would generally recommend a strip club because it can help you get comfortable talking to women. And it's pretty easy to just ask them out. That gives you some practice asking a women a out. You can practice different strategies.


Sadly I wouldn't have the courage to go to a strip club alone, let alone ask the strippers out. That would be really awkward, and I run away from awkward...


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

sajs said:


> Ask a married guy, he pays for sex and he doesn't get any.


It's not hard to get sex with men for free if you're not fussy about appearance (or anything else.)


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's not hard to get sex with men for free if you're not fussy about appearance (or anything else.)


That's pretty accurate. Though I'd imagine sex in general isn't hard for too many people if you're willing to not only settle, but put yourself in an awkward situation that may be out of your element. Like 2-3AM at a bar. I imagine that'd be as awkward as a prostitute. Idk.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

JustThisGuy said:


> That's pretty accurate. Though I'd imagine sex in general isn't hard for too many people *if you're willing to not only settle, but put yourself in an awkward situation that may be out of your element*. Like 2-3AM at a bar. I imagine that'd be as awkward as a prostitute. Idk.


No. It doesn't matter what the situation is or how much I'd be willing to settle. I don't have the ability to get someone interested. I'm too awkward and socially incompetent.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

NoName99 said:


> I'm wondering about paying for sex. Is there someone here who paid for sex and can give me a hint as to how I should go about it? Should I just browse the web and try to find an escort on a not-so-shady site? I'm clueless...
> 
> I'm not a virgin by the way, but I just can't get sex unless it's with the girl I lost my virginity to. It doesn't come naturally for me, like it's not something of mine. I only do it with her. It's not mine, it's really hers. That's not natural. I can't really explain it. I just need to get it out of my system and *since I have a chronic inability to get intimate with other people - and I only know very few girls, am too shy and too ugly* - this is the only way I can think of.
> 
> Thanks for any pointers you can give me.


Having sex with a prostitute won't change the underlying issue. We all have to learn to relate to other people, whether we like it or not.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

JustThisGuy said:


> That's pretty accurate. Though I'd imagine sex in general isn't hard for too many people if you're willing to not only settle, but put yourself in an awkward situation that may be out of your element. Like 2-3AM at a bar. I imagine that'd be as awkward as a prostitute. Idk.


It's not impossible, but guys are more likely to lower their standards for casual sex than women are.

Another thing is... You can just write 'straight guy looking to have sexual experience with man' or something on some site to attract the guys who have that fetish.

http://www.dailydot.com/via/why-gay-men-look-for-straight-guys/


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's not impossible, but guys are more likely to lower their standards for casual sex than women are.
> 
> Another thing is... You can just write *'straight guy looking to have sexual experience with man' or something on some site to attract the guys who have that fetish.
> *
> http://www.dailydot.com/via/why-gay-men-look-for-straight-guys/


Erm... they're not really straight then are they... they're bi-curious at the very least.


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)




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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> It's not impossible, but guys are more likely to lower their standards for casual sex than women are.
> 
> Another thing is... You can just write 'straight guy looking to have sexual experience with man' or something on some site to attract the guys who have that fetish.
> 
> http://www.dailydot.com/via/why-gay-men-look-for-straight-guys/


That's a really interesting article. I've heard about legit straight guys just getting rocks off at rest stops for the pleasure, and nothing to do with sexuality. It's an odd phenomena. But not too odd. Labels are so strict. They don't define the gay women who aren't bi or confused, yet still sleep with men because it's pleasure and men can be easy. I had a friend like that. She explained it a lot better, but yeah, gay friends would say she's confused and echoing conditioning of sexual traditionalism and straight people would be like, "sounds like you're bi." People not her telling her how she feels.

But yeah, when I started the article, I instantly considered part of the novelty for gay men to bag a straight guy was to feel accepted and liked by those they feel maybe don't like them mixing with the fact that this is the type of person they can't get due to sexuality barriers. And maybe even coming from a place of inferiority. I hate that I guessed right. Reading the part of the homophobia by gay men, thinking straight men will be cleaner of STDs/AIDs... That's upsetting that even that propaganda gives even them that mentality.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

NoName99 said:


> That's a good tip. Have you done it yourself? I'd like to know how it all happened. If I'm going to do this, I want to be prepared for what may or may not happen.
> 
> .


Anything can happen. Nothing is 100% guaranteed. Best chance to get a good girl is to avoid the inexpensive ones. Get your own motel room - never know what you will find if you do an incall. Classy girls have you put the $ in an unmarked envelope in plain site. They just take it when they leave.


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## Innocent James (May 13, 2016)

scarpia said:


> You find all the best hookers in church.


And It's Called The Church Of







satan


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

millenniumman75 said:


> Having sex with a prostitute won't change the underlying issue. We all have to learn to relate to other people, whether we like it or not.


This.

Leaving the ethics of paying aside - if your only sexual experience is a one-off, you'll still feel like half a virgin. You won't really have any more experience/skill/familiarity with sex, or with the social lead-up to it. That goes for one-off one night stands as well as prostitution.

I'm not saying it isn't better than nothing (that's not for me to say) but doing it 'halfway' like this could just end up giving you more weird hang-ups, rather than relieving any. Feeling like you can only get sex by paying for it is not a lot less **** than feeling like you can't get it at all. It doesn't really 'count'. And also, if any woman you meet further down the line finds out about it, she's likely to be upset and pissed off. Having visited a prostitute is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. So it's a heavy secret to carry around.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

I mean, too bad some of us aren't ever going to relate to people anyway and this is the best we can do.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> Having sex with a prostitute won't change the underlying issue. We all have to learn to relate to other people, whether we like it or not.


 I know it won't solve the entire problem, but if I have trouble with physical contact and the whole sex thing, it may help unblock it all. It may make me understand that it isn't such a big deal as it is in my head. That's my hope... In any case, if it doesn't work, I'll only be a few bucks shorter, right?

When I gave my first kiss and lost my virginity, I wasn't expecting to come out of it a new, reborn man with no anxiety disorders whatsoever and with a complete set of social skills. And yet it made a huge difference. I stopped feeling so lonely, rejected and cast aside, for one. I was no alien anymore, I was one huge step closer to the rest of mankind. And the relationship that I formed with that girl, which still lasts to this day, was a big, big help in allowing me to grow up as a man and as a person. I was more than a decade behind everyone else my age, and while it saddens me that I'm not 10 years younger, I feel I came a long way. The thing is, I still have a long way ahead of me...


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

lisbeth said:


> This.
> 
> Leaving the ethics of paying aside - if your only sexual experience is a one-off, you'll still feel like half a virgin. You won't really have any more experience/skill/familiarity with sex, or with the social lead-up to it. That goes for one-off one night stands as well as prostitution.
> 
> I'm not saying it isn't better than nothing (that's not for me to say) but doing it 'halfway' like this could just end up giving you more weird hang-ups, rather than relieving any. Feeling like you can only get sex by paying for it is not a lot less **** than feeling like you can't get it at all. It doesn't really 'count'. And also, if any woman you meet further down the line finds out about it, she's likely to be upset and pissed off. Having visited a prostitute is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. So it's a heavy secret to carry around.


Well it wouldn't be my first time as I'm not a virgin, but you're right, it probably won't help with the social skills. What if it's the only thing you can do, though? What if it helps in someway, even if just a little? Wouldn't it be worth it?

As for it being a dealbreaker for a lot of women, well, it depends on them. If I should ever find myself again in an intimate situation with a girl, which at this point is really hard to believe, and I tell her why I did it and she doesn't understand or accept, I think that says more about her than me.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

NoName99 said:


> I know it won't solve the entire problem, but if I have trouble with physical contact and the whole sex thing, it may help unblock it all. It may make me understand that it isn't such a big deal as it is in my head. That's my hope... In any case, if it doesn't work, I'll only be a few bucks shorter, right?
> 
> When I gave my first kiss and lost my virginity, I wasn't expecting to come out of it a new, reborn man with no anxiety disorders whatsoever and with a complete set of social skills. And yet it made a huge difference. I stopped feeling so lonely, rejected and cast aside, for one. I was no alien anymore, I was one huge step closer to the rest of mankind. And the relationship that I formed with that girl, which still lasts to this day, was a big, big help in allowing me to grow up as a man and as a person. I was more than a decade behind everyone else my age, and while it saddens me that I'm not 10 years younger, I feel I came a long way. The thing is, I still have a long way ahead of me...


Why not just do things the old fashioned way and going slow with a new girlfriend? Trust me, she will understand your issues if she wants to be with you.

Only YOU can help yourself grow as a man. That comes by doing things for you.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

minimized said:


> I mean, too bad some of us aren't ever going to relate to people anyway and this is the best we can do.


The great German composer Johannes Brahms only had sex with prostitutes. He never married and never had a gf - but he was in love with his friend's wife. https://www.theguardian.com/music/2003/apr/26/classicalmusicandopera.artsfeatures2

If hookers were good enough for one of the greatest men who ever live they should be good enough for us!


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

millenniumman75 said:


> Having sex with a prostitute won't change the underlying issue. We all have to learn to relate to other people, whether we like it or not.


 If I haven't convinced you I can relate to other people reasonably well by now, I don't know what else to tell you. I'd still rather pay for sex with a hooker than lie to an average woman and tell her I love her when I really just want an orgasm.

It's fine if you want both but not everyone does. And it's just ridiculous to tell someone they have to get married whether they like it or not.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> Why not just do things the old fashioned way and going slow with a new girlfriend?


Because I can't just snap my fingers for a potential girlfriend to appear, and even if I could, I would have no idea what to do from that point on. That's the whole point. I'm totally unable to get close to someone I've never been close to.

The only reason I got close to this one girl, is that she did everything herself to get close to me. Otherwise nothing would have ever happened between us.


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

Some of us have no other choice. Better than nothing.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

Aribeth said:


> do it


with you?


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## Furiosa (Jun 2, 2015)

If you are going to use one, then I would use an online escort as opposed to a traditional street walker escort, it's probably a lot safer and you are likely to get a better class of girl that way. It also means that you can visit the escort in their home as opposed to doing the deed somewhere dodgy outside.

Two of my old friends were professional escorts, they did it for several years full time, as far as I know one of them still does it. They just used to advertise online and people would either book online or give them a call. I remember them showing me the website where they advertised, it was very comprehensive, they could upload all their stats, photographs, videos, I think they even offered interactive web cam shows.

As for STD's like others have mentioned, if you visit a better class of escort you shouldn't have anything to worry about in that area, most of them are tested frequently and will never usually do anything unprotected. Well that's certainly what I was told by the two that I knew anyway.


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## Tetragammon (Jun 2, 2015)

C'mon people, "go get a girlfriend" is not helpful! I'd think that people on this site of all places would understand that some of us simply aren't built for relationships. I mean I'm really terrible at dealing with people, and women are the worst. You never know which ones just want your money or your support or whatever. Most of women my age that aren't already married have serious issues of their own, and I've learned the hard way that I can't deal with all of someone else's emotional troubles on top of my own. Close relationships are a serious source of anxiety for me and probably a lot of other SAD-sufferers. We shouldn't have to choose between total celibacy and putting ourselves in potentially toxic, harmful situations just to fill an instinctual need. 

Yes sex trafficking and exploitation exists and that really sucks, but I firmly believe that there are plenty of women (and men) who would freely and willingly work in the sex industry if it were legal. Obviously I'm a big proponent of legalizing prostitution; there's SO much potential lost there, IMO. But of course the majority of Americans are hypocritical conservatives who balk at the very mention of sex in public, and proceed to masturbate liberally at home when nobody is watching... But I digress.

I haven't tried to pay for it yet but it's definitely on my to-do list. If you live anywhere near Nevada you could take a trip to one of the legal brothels there, probably the best option for people like me in the US where prostitution is illegal everywhere else. I'd definitely urge caution though, especially if you try an "escort" or something, because I've read a lot of stories about poor guys getting ripped off. Meet somewhere public, use a hotel or motel, don't take more cash then you expect to pay with, and don't take your wallet and license and stuff either. Use public transport if at all possible so in the worst case scenario she or her thugs won't steal your car. Stuff like that. Call me paranoid but that stuff really happens. Better safe than sorry.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

scarpia said:


> You should realize that there is a legal legitimate type of therapy with a sex surrogate. From the IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association) website:
> 
> http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/what-is-surrogate-partner-therapy/
> 
> they even made a movie about surrogate therapy - The Sessions.


I've considered it, but there's no such thing here in Portugal. At least not yet.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

lisbeth said:


> This.
> 
> Leaving the ethics of paying aside - if your only sexual experience is a one-off, you'll still feel like half a virgin. You won't really have any more experience/skill/familiarity with sex, or with the social lead-up to it. That goes for one-off one night stands as well as prostitution.
> 
> I'm not saying it isn't better than nothing (that's not for me to say) but doing it 'halfway' like this could just end up giving you more weird hang-ups, rather than relieving any. Feeling like you can only get sex by paying for it is not a lot less **** than feeling like you can't get it at all. It doesn't really 'count'. And also, if any woman you meet further down the line finds out about it, she's likely to be upset and pissed off. Having visited a prostitute is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. So it's a heavy secret to carry around.


It's not about that. We don't want to have sex just to say we've had sex. That's not why you have sex I'd hope? We want to do it for the same reasons that you do, we just don't have any other way to have it. If I could just go find a romantic partner and have sex with someone who loves me then I wouldn't be agonizing over this decision, try to look at it from that perspective.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

Tetragammon said:


> C'mon people, "go get a girlfriend" is not helpful! I'd think that people on this site of all places would understand that some of us simply aren't built for relationships. [...]


Yeah I know, right? You'd think that after so many years of this site being up, we'd be past that kind of advice.


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## StephCurry (Jan 11, 2016)

Tetragammon said:


> C'mon people, "go get a girlfriend" is not helpful! I'd think that people on this site of all places would understand that some of us simply aren't built for relationships.





NoName99 said:


> Yeah I know, right? You'd think that after so many years of this site being up, we'd be past that kind of advice.


+1


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

NoName99 said:


> Because I can't just snap my fingers for a potential girlfriend to appear, and even if I could, I would have no idea what to do from that point on. That's the whole point. I'm totally unable to get close to someone I've never been close to.
> 
> The only reason I got close to this one girl, is that she did everything herself to get close to me. Otherwise nothing would have ever happened between us.


It is that way for every guy.

We have to put ourselves out there to get women to notice, whether we like it or not.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

millenniumman75 said:


> It is that way for every guy.
> 
> We have to put ourselves out there to get women to notice, whether we like it or not.


Oh come on, you know it isn't like that for every guy... We have to put ourselves out there, sure, but most guys don't have so many entrenched intimacy problems like many here do.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

NoName99 said:


> Oh come on, you know it isn't like that for every guy... We have to put ourselves out there, sure, but most guys don't have so many entrenched intimacy problems like many here do.


It's a rite of passage for men. :yes


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

scarpia said:


> So if you can't do it you're not a man?


Men have to learn to take initiative. That is what men do.

I love it - every time I reply...

"Paying for Sex" by millenniumman75 :haha


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## EmyMax (Sep 26, 2014)

It's definitely not my type of thing.
In my life, I only ever went once with a prostitute (in my early 18's), and I felt extremely bad and miserable after that. Not really an experience worth remembering, so to speak.
I don't have a girlfriend, right now, but i'm hanging out with friends and try to meet as new people as possible (even girls), in my town, and i'm also joining a few dating sites, too. So far, I met 2 girls. They're not really my type, but they have some really cool girlfriends (remember: friends brings friends ).
If you can't hang out with someone, in the real world, guys, why don't you try out some dating sites, or even Facebook, to see if you can meet a girl/woman, there?
You don't have to rush things. You start slowly, you take your time. And from there on, you see if things work out for you or not.
Just try. If anything, you might learn something about yourself that you didn't know before.


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

EmyMax said:


> If you can't hang out with someone, in the real world, guys, why don't you try out some dating sites, or even Facebook, to see if you can meet a girl/woman, there? [...] Just try. If anything, you might learn something about yourself that you didn't know before.


Trust me, I've tried. That's how I met the girl I did everything for the first time with. But that's not what this is about. It's about breaking this endless cycle of being unable to get close to people unless they do everything themselves. It's about turning something seemingly incomprehensible and impossible like physical contact into something normal and natural.

Some of you are assuming this is a decision I'm making lightly. It isn't. I simply don't know what else I can do anymore.


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

Not all of us are equipped to approach, let alone everything after that. And surrogacy is still in its infancy, thanks to our reactionary society. Money is about the only value and power we've got, so we just have to make due.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

Wings of Amnesty said:


> It's not about that. We don't want to have sex just to say we've had sex. That's not why you have sex I'd hope? We want to do it for the same reasons that you do, we just don't have any other way to have it. If I could just go find a romantic partner and have sex with someone who loves me then I wouldn't be agonizing over this decision, try to look at it from that perspective.


I don't think I even implied that anywhere.

What I mean is that it's probably going to create even deeper anxiety in the long run. Either with the social stuff or the act itself, you won't know your way around it any better, and it's all still going to feel like a foreign country afterwards. and from posts I've read over the years by men who do it regularly, the impression I get is that using prostitutes makes isolated men feel like it's a foreign country they can _really_ never get a passport to. It warps the whole mindset and creates more anxious/self-hating hangups. It's a way to feel more rejected and maybe end up with a more cynical attitude towards women.

I know you won't believe me, but you _could_ find a romantic partner. I'm not saying it'd be easy or quick, but you could. I've talked to you enough and seen what you look like, and you are totally capable of finding a girlfriend.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Women that post in these prostitution threads thinking they know what's best for a men sexuality is the same as a guy deciding which type of Maxi-pads are best for women.


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

McFly said:


> Women that post in these prostitution threads thinking they know what's best for a men sexuality is the same as a guy deciding which type of Maxi-pads are best for women.


Tbh you're right. I was thinking that as I wrote the last post - I will never be in this situation or know what it's like. But I've just seen enough posts by men on this forum who've done it who seemed very unhappy and like their issues just got worse/more permanent. I mean, hell, if someone does visit a prostitute and _also_ get therapy and work on their anxiety/avoidance/etc and talk to women in normal life, then maybe visiting the prostitute will help them. But it seems more like men on here talk about it like a nail in the coffin of being alone forever. Using it as a palliative for more isolation, in the same way we can lean on online friends as a crutch and stop trying to go outside. Obviously no one here is a psychologist but I can't picture anyone calling that healthy.

I just feel like far too many men on here encourage each other into misery. I've literally seen male users on here tell each other "just give up, you'll never make friends/get a girlfriend/etc, don't even try". That does the opposite of helping anyone.


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