# I just wanted a career that would make me happy



## jillamos (May 9, 2013)

I'm just beyond fed up with everything. I based half of my life fulfilling my dream career, but nooo I get crippling social anxiety, depression, ****ty professors and no motivation left in me to draw. I can get honors in classes, but I can't excel career wise beyond data entry or customer service. Or make a portfolio good enough for any fricking studio. My college degree means nothing. And I can't afford graduate school. 

I just wanted to move far away from my psycho family and start a new life, but I can't rent with no job and I can't work with no in state address. Recruiters won't even look at my resume even though I ****ing tell them I'll pay to move there and to interview there. I have no friends here and my whole family is very mentally sick, so no support. 

I can't even do therapy or meds if I'd wanted to because I lost my insurance. There's no volunteer programs that interest me. My job coach today told me to "meditate and ask the Universe where to go." Are you ****ing serious??

My career was supposed to be my life, my purpose. I'm completely lost and I see no purpose in living, which terrifies me. Is there any way out of this pit? 

Or some magical career test that will give me the answer? I've taken enough tests to know that I'm an INTJ and my best trait is Judging! ?


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

It's better and easier to chase the money over the dream career.


----------



## jillamos (May 9, 2013)

Even if I managed to get a job as a retail-chain cashier now, I'd quit. I'm getting less and less tolerant of those type of jobs as I get older. Recently I worked in a dead-end laundromat that seemed ok at first, but 2 months later I had a panic attack there from dealing with ******* customers and homeless ****s. 

Yet I only seemed to be qualified for only entry level jobs. I rather not just constantly go through temp jobs that make me suicidal or be unemployed and suicidal. Money is important, but only second to life long fulfillment.


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Some work to live and others live to work. Unfortunately, I'm a person who defines their worth by the job I do...I really don't want to be this way, but it's been this way all my life. I don't see it changing, either.

So, I know what you want to achieve, but I hope you find a way to go a different path and see your career as a means of supporting a life that is fulfilled by other aspects, i.e. family, friends, hobbies, charity, etc.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

What did you want to be? What career did you envision? You still can do it. Don't give up. There is always a way. Small steps at a time.


----------



## Depo (Jan 30, 2015)

I know how you feel.... most of us (people with SA) rely on our jobs in order to cope with life. Having no friends, a dysfunctional family (yesterday I received a suspicious call and as I was answering it my mother came into my room, almost yelling at me not to give personal information, then she told my father, then my father, brother and mother started yelling at each other. They wanted me to quit my job and stop going. They are fcking crazy, it turned out the call came from a company related to my job.) and also having SA takes a toll on my well-being. The only thing that gives me some comfort is my job, even though the pay is not enough for moving out on my own. The only thing I can tell you is don't give up, something will come up eventually. I got my current job after months of being unemployed. Life is sh*tty, you just have to get used to it.


----------



## jillamos (May 9, 2013)

SofaKing:
You have some valid points there, and I regret expecting my career to make my life happy. If I can find a full time job I can tolerate without panicking, and be able to balance that life out with hobbies and opportunities to meet new people, that would be awesome.

Kevin001: 
Wow, I just realized I didn't even mention that detail. I've wanted to be a cartoonist/animator since I was 9 years old (I actually remember the exact moment). But if you're not talented or willing to put in the effort to be talented, it's difficult to get a career in it. I'm learning that the hard way. But I'm putting art on the shelf for now. Just thinking about it makes my heart break. 

Depo: 
Thank you for your support, and I totally get all of this. It sucks that you have to put up with a crazy family like that, no one should have to endure that. My own childhood consisted of years of domestic abuse (including a father that tried to murder my brother and I). Now my mom's latest husband comes with Alzheimer's and a whole bi-polar, violent family that lives next door. -_- Yes I should be used to life being ****ty by now, but I guess I'm not. I'm glad you found a job that's helping you. I really wish something would come up for me already.


----------



## Lostinlife111 (Feb 24, 2016)

jillamos said:


> I'm just beyond fed up with everything. I based half of my life fulfilling my dream career, but nooo I get crippling social anxiety, depression, ****ty professors and no motivation left in me to draw. I can get honors in classes, but I can't excel career wise beyond data entry or customer service. Or make a portfolio good enough for any fricking studio. My college degree means nothing. And I can't afford graduate school.
> 
> I just wanted to move far away from my psycho family and start a new life, but I can't rent with no job and I can't work with no in state address. Recruiters won't even look at my resume even though I ****ing tell them I'll pay to move there and to interview there. I have no friends here and my whole family is very mentally sick, so no support.
> 
> ...


I feel the same. I lived for pursuing that dream career I wanted to be happy about. But instead, I was still didn't have a dream of what career it would be took my parents advice. Went to 4yrs university doing some health related degree that I hated. I'm unemployed because I'm scare sh*tless having to work for something I hate. I can't even get a job. If I want a job I need to move but how can I move if I don't have money. Anyways we're in the same boat, and there are tons of us out there with the same issue. The problem is how to solve it.


----------



## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

I............... don't................ know..................

I'm the same. Also, one of my personalities is INTJ.
I also have Crohn's disease, so, I haven't had as many opportunities in life as you have.
I don't even know how to move or how to work with job advisers, and making a resume makes me hyperventilate.

Making video games can be quite lucrative, and if you enjoy drawing, it can be easy, too.
Maybe you're smart enough to program, too, and make your own apps.
I have no drawing interest, but I like the design and development side.
Except I'm often very sick, so I won't agree to any deadlines.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours? 50/50

Good luck!


----------



## Snow Bunny (Jan 28, 2009)

jillamos said:


> My career was supposed to be my life, my purpose. I'm completely lost and I see no purpose in living, which terrifies me. Is there any way out of this pit?


God you sound like me. I want to help.

What was your education in?


----------



## AnnaThunderVale (Feb 1, 2016)

usajobs.gov search full time food inspector


----------



## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

I don't understand if you did pursue a career in what you like and does not land you a job. If you did something else or if you didnt do anything but want to.


----------

