# How can you ever survive in college?



## Daniel C (Apr 17, 2012)

I'm pretty sure there have already been a lot of threads like this one, but I'm just going to be unoriginal. I'm currently in my second year of college and I still have got no idea how I should deal with it on a social level. During high school I have always been able to more or less cope with my social anxiety, but since I am in college I'm simply a wreck. The problem is that everything is just so huge and overwhelming. Only in my study direction there are over two hundred students who all seem to know each other and go out every evening to have the craziest dance parties with huge amounts of alcohol. I mean, how are you ever supposed to survive in such an environment when you're not too confident yourself? I really feel excluded from my fellow students, who just seem to, let's say, take life at a different level. I'm just going to my lectures, sitting in the back of class without talking to anyone, and going home afterwards. It's destroying me, but I really don't know how to change it. Everytime I try to talk to another student the conversation just peters out when they start about all social events about which I cannot talk along. Should I just accept I'm not going to fit in during the rest of my study? Please give your advise (or vent along when you're experiencing the similar thing), cause I really don't know anymore.


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## Girl36 (Oct 25, 2012)

If you do want to become more social than stop sitting at the back for starters unless theres people who also arn't very confident and also sitting at the back cause of that reason if so start talking to them! You obviously have the guts to go up your classmates and start a conversation i would advise you to try talking to two people or maybe three this means when they start talking about social events you can just sort of sit back and let them talk it also means that if you run out of things to say the others will have something and the conversation will keep going. Listerning is the key to social sucess- I think this because by listerning it shows your interested in them which is always a good thing, also by listerning it will help you think of things to say and mostly by listerning you will arm yourself with information about their interests and experiences that could later prove invaluable. There will always be people in the class who aren't amazingly outgoing and always someone who will have a common interest as you maybe how they feel overwhelmed or aren't so confident try finding someone who has a common interest, don't try to hard with people who are the complete opposite of you because the likeliness is you won't make friends with them. This was abit of a babble don't know if you will read it or even feel it helps in the slightest. All i know is if you do wan't to become social you have to make an effort otherwise you will just continue to be at the back.


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## Girl36 (Oct 25, 2012)

Forgot to say when they talk about going out maybe ask if you can go out with them if you get along there probably not going to ask you so why not ask them


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## vanishingpt (Mar 9, 2012)

I'm starting to wonder the same thing now that I'm also further along University. The first year was fine and the teachers seemed not to care so much but now it's much more apparent which people are taking things seriously and which ones are not. I feel like I shouldn't be here right now because I don't voice my opinion that often and feel put down when I don't get a chance to speak or when I become too afraid to speak up...


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## Sidstyler (Oct 29, 2012)

I'm in my third year of university now, and I feel the same. I feel like everyone around me knows each other, has fun with life, enjoys the social atmosphere, and has plenty of romantic encounters. Especially in my course (psychology - please don't judge), everyone seems to have paired up, and I'm still an outsider...


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## polkaspot (Oct 30, 2012)

I just pushed through it. I made one or two real friends and it was just enough. I only went out if my best friend (that I only became friends with because we were roommates and) forced me to. I think I went on two dates the entire four years. That was plenty. they weren't enjoyable experiences for me.

I mean, I wouldn't want to repeat the undergrad experience and I wish I'd gotten help while I was there so that I could make the most of it. But for me college was about my classes and not about anything social, and I was motivated enough to do well in class to push aside anxiety when I absolutely had to do something scary like present or do a group project.


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## Electric Emu (Oct 28, 2012)

I can really sympathise as i'm sort of in the same position: when everyone goes out in the evenings for the big parties etc i'm the only one who doesn't go. Sometimes i feel like a light house keeper as i sit at my window wondering if mine is the only one in the entire dormitory block still lit up! My advice however would be to try not to focus on the big parties and instead consider the other ways to meet people and make friends. Have you checked for example the clubs and societies available? Alternatively, charitable work can be a great way to meet kind, accepting people and even if it doesn't work out that way, it's still good to do for its own sake. I know that for me, something as random as just getting a pet cat and leaving my door ajar in the evenings to give it the freedom of the corridor has had the unexpected result of letting me get to know my neighbours a bit - walking it on a lead in the park has also given me a certain amount of celebrity too! 

Whatever you do, don't hide yourself away - being around people as much as you can holds the possibility for unexpected conversations and encounters. I had a quick glance through your profile and you seem like a thoughtful, intelligent guy so i really do hope things improve for you.


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## Brasilia (Aug 23, 2012)

It's difficult for me to make friends at university since I live at home and everyone already knows each other, they socialise more and like you said go to parties and that's all they talk about, I don't have much to offer them. I do try though, I make more of an effort than others do sometimes and it still doesn't really get me anywhere. Next year I would like to live on campus, maybe that will make me a part of university life.


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## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

I have a similer problem as you I think, it's not the same, but I really dislike college. 

I don't really get good grades in my classes because I suck at takeing tests, and at my school like 80% of the students are from Asia, Mexico and Eastern Europe and which they don't speak English. So I can't communicate with them so when we do group projects I usually end up doing all of the work. I honestly have no clue how they even passed the English test. So it's hard to make friends for me by itself, it's even harder when most people don't speak English. 

I can't answer your question, but I am trying to figure out how to survive it too.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

polkaspot said:


> I just pushed through it. I made one or two real friends and it was just enough.


That's my plan for next year. To find at least one or two people that I can connect with, and hopefully that will help me through. They will also be very helpful for group projects, which I expect a lot of :um


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