# pee shy....public restrooms or even at home...



## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

i'll use stalls at public restrooms but even then whats going through my head if others are in the same restroom is i'm way too attentive on listening...not that i'm taking time to listen to some other person pee but my mind starts rushing with thoughts of what the other person might think if he knows i'm using a stall to pee and WHY NOTHing is coming out and i've been standing there forever...and that just stops the pee flow and i'll stare down going COME ON JUST GO...grrrrrrr but that only makes things worse

What helps usually is loud noises to flush out me listening to other things or i believe the other person also hears the loud noises and pays no attention to my pee flow ...so I sometimes flush the toilet because thats a loud noise to make the area full of other sounds other than the small awkward peeing movements

When i'm totally alone i don't even think of another person so its like automatic which it should be, sometimes it comes out so fast i'm like whoa


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hehe my man Halcyon! You have paruresis dude! Bashful bladder :afr

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paruresis

Hehe it can be treated with CBT and other things too. There is a book on it http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1572242272/internationalp0a. Do a google on Paruresis and CBT or go here http://www.shybladder.org/and let the pee pee flow 

Ross


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

I have the exact same problem, and it sucks horribly, I know. Sometimes I'll stand at the toilet in my own home and it'll take me a good 5 minutes to take a piss. :hide


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

So Mr 88 - have _you_ looked at the pee-shy website yet? 

Good luck in your quest for the perfect wee-wee.

Ross


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: pee shy....public restrooms or even at home...*



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hehe my man Halcyon! You have paruresis dude! Bashful bladder :afr
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paruresis
> 
> ...


Actual treatments for the condition include:

* cognitive behavior therapy,
* training with biofeedback,
* anti-anxiety medications, and
* *reducing the level of privacy at which the condition triggers by indulging in graduated exposure therapy. This last can be achieved by sufferers working together at organised events known as workshops.*

LOL pee workshops, i could just imagine someone behind a door or a wall going _"SO you pee yet?"_

_NO be quiet, your talking just makes it worse!_


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hehe that would be funny. I guess it must work cos loads of folk go to them, or theres the CBT approach. The book is based on the CBT angle. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Ross


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

*Re: re: pee shy....public restrooms or even at home...*



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hehe that would be funny. I guess it must work cos loads of folk go to them, or theres the CBT approach. The book is based on the CBT angle. Good luck with whatever you choose.
> 
> Ross


and social anxiety/paranoia kicking in so i want to make sure i didn't come off like an *******

sorry if i came off rude by comment above i am grateful for the links/advice...its first thing that came to mind when thinking of getting help at a workshop having someone watch over you while you get more comfortable peeing around people...it sounds so silly

like at college it was a problem for sure, if i knew someone else was in the bathroom i'd go wash my hands instead to try to make it look like i didn't just walk into the bathroom for nothing...and hold it in....sure made the rest of the day relaxing having your bladder want to explode


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## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

*Re: re: pee shy....public restrooms or even at home...*



yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> Hehe my man Halcyon! You have paruresis dude! Bashful bladder :afr
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paruresis
> 
> ...


I will tomorrow... I hope... I have a procrastination problem. lol -.-"


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

*Re: re: pee shy....public restrooms or even at home...*



Halcyon said:


> its first thing that came to mind when thinking of getting help at a workshop having someone watch over you while you get more comfortable peeing around people...it sounds so silly


S'ok, no worries. But I have to ask - why have you chosen to concentrate only on the workshop? There were other options on that list - what do you think about them? If the workshop seems too much, what about buying the CBT book? What about looking up biofeedback for paruresis on the net?

I know you're not a giver-upper Mr Halcyon so I know you'll find something that works.

In response to you and Mr Sean over there - dont _procrastinate_ - URINATE! :lol

Ross


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## korey (Apr 25, 2006)

I blame modern plumbing. Most toilets are positioned close to a corner wall somewhere to access the main plumbing lines without wasting extra pipes. So, in my gigantic bathroom, the toilet is positioned right next to the hall wall. So, I'm sometimes afraid that passersby will hear my peeing or...other things. I did have drug-induced urinary retention for a while, but I found that turning on a water faucet helped alleviate it. I usually even sit down to pee now just because the urine hits the side of the toilet bowl and doesn't make audible noise that way. What sucks is now I have become OCD about spraying and cleaning the toilet every time I use it in fear that I might get ***-germs from anyone else who has used my toilet.

Someone should invent a self-sterilizing toilet that kills 99.99% of microbial life on it after each use. Eh, let's go for self-sterilizing bathrooms for the win. That would save a lot of hustle and bustle. I don't like cleaning my bathroom.

And I don't use public restrooms unless they're private/single restrooms, or they're in a place like a hospital where everything is sterile and drowned out by all the surrounding noise.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

korey said:


> I blame modern plumbing. Most toilets are positioned close to a corner wall somewhere to access the main plumbing lines without wasting extra pipes. So, in my gigantic bathroom, the toilet is positioned right next to the hall wall. So, I'm sometimes afraid that passersby will hear my peeing or...other things. I did have drug-induced urinary retention for a while, but I found that turning on a water faucet helped alleviate it. I usually even sit down to pee now just because the urine hits the side of the toilet bowl and doesn't make audible noise that way. What sucks is now I have become OCD about spraying and cleaning the toilet every time I use it in fear that I might get ***-germs from anyone else who has used my toilet.
> 
> Someone should invent a self-sterilizing toilet that kills 99.99% of microbial life on it after each use. Eh, let's go for self-sterilizing bathrooms for the win. That would save a lot of hustle and bustle. I don't like cleaning my bathroom.
> 
> And I don't use public restrooms unless they're private/single restrooms, or they're in a place like a hospital where everything is sterile and drowned out by all the surrounding noise.


hospitals are digusting, they are germ infested holes. Use toliet paper on your seat like i do even at home.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

I say let it RIP, you have a god given right to pee freely,


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## Tonic (Aug 1, 2007)

delete


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## trekster (Jul 16, 2007)

I also have that problem, it would take me close to a minute l(longer at times) before I start peeing. Even at home. It sucks.


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## Nutnutnut (Jun 2, 2007)

I have no problem peeing, but I'm self-conscious when I do in public toilets.


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## Cherry (May 30, 2006)

I get like that too, it's usually when people can hear it, such as when there is a line waiting for me to get out of the bathroom and there is silcence except me going to the bathroom.Sometimes I go through a whole day holding it until I get home, which I bursting by then.


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## Andrew White (Aug 18, 2007)

I can't and don't want to pee at the public stalls so I always use a cubical. When I get stressed like that and can't go, I sit even if it is just a numero uno. I don't think humans are meant to pee standing, it's just something we are able to do and the position of sitting makes it easy no matter how stressed I am.

Without getting too mucky, not being able to pee standing might also be because you have something in a nearby pipe blocking the flow of urine. And if you are like me, stressful situations make me need to... number 2. So it makes sense I can't pee whenever I am out.

I was in a museum a few weeks ago and needed to go, I went into the room and it was tiny, 2 stalls one cubical already used but no oen else in there, so I decided to try, for the first time in years. Just as I was about to, someone else walked in and I panicked. But I was committed so to speak and forced the situation. No horrific ending like peeing on the other guy, it went well


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

This is the worst problem ever. I have to plan my entire life around it. I've had it as long as I could remember. I wonder if this problem is somehow directly related to SA?


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Parauresis. It can be treated as a simple phobia and is not necessarily realted to SA, though you can certainly have it alongside it. Similar parts of the brain and such.


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

I've tried to beat the disorder on my own.. its just not a mind over matter thing at all. I use graduated exposure which helps some, but very little... basically I can at least go to work now without holding it all day. But traveling is almost impossible. Its a real pain.


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

..


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

yeah_yeah_yeah said:


> ..


 LoL, yeah that about sums it up!


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

I used to have a terrible problem with this. In the past, I even had trouble pissing at home! In fact, I'm still pretty pee shy, but I can generally use public toilets just fine (as long as nobody else is there). 

One trick that works great for me: I start reading a book, or a magazine, or anything that diverts my attention (e.g. toothpaste tube, cellphone, food wrapper), and I almost always manage.


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

Yeah I wish that was the case for me. If there is anyone in the bathroom forget it. Funny thing is that I really don't care, even if you were standing right behind me I still don't care. If I have to go, I want to go, but for some reason I just can't when others are present. Its VERY frustrating, I wish there was a magic pill to fix it or something.


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## reyes (Feb 4, 2005)

Last monday I had to piss if front of my probation officer and literally took me about five minutes. It sucks, after a while my knees starting shaking and I would come so close and get satisfied then its gone. Ha, I noticed how funny it was after a while and started to make a joke but he was a dousche.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Sometimes I'll get that way if family members are in listening distance to my peeing, lol. I also have a hard time taking a dump when other people are in listening distance, cause I'm afraid of embarrassment from the noise my gasses make, lol.


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## SebFontain (Jan 27, 2004)

I hate using the urinals when someone is standing next to me. I have had guys look at my member before and in one case had to tell a guy to keep his eyes on his own junk. I even had an old guy spy on me once when I was going #2 in a stall. I always try to wait till I am home.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

i'm still pee shy

I don't think i've ever been able to go pee beside someone in a urinal... I think if my mind was totally out of the situation of being in that bathroom and that person beside me then I could pee no problem because I think thats what most people have is they are somewhere else mentally thinking about dinner with their bf/gf or some problems

So its all good, its just a bit of a hassle for sure in some situations but I can live with it lol

This is kinda funny on the pee related matter -> VIDEO -> http://www.uncensoredinterview.com/vlog ... Soundtrack


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

Anyone know of medication that helps with this? I'd like to get a handle on this condition.. its ruining my life. Studies show there is only 2% of people with this condition actually fully recover. I would be happy if I could get at least half way there. I can't chance a travel anywhere. This sucks, and there is no reason for it.


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Motoman said:


> Anyone know of medication that helps with this? I'd like to get a handle on this condition.. its ruining my life. Studies show there is only 2% of people with this condition actually fully recover. I would be happy if I could get at least half way there. I can't chance a travel anywhere. This sucks, and there is no reason for it.


What type of transportation? Planes its single style bathroom and usually for me anyway the loud sounds of the engine drown out sounds of people or at least Im not overally focused about how my actions lol in there are audible to others

Buses and traveling with family/friends are usually met with stopping at gas stations and their bathrooms are mostly single bathrooms and if they aren't i usually use stalls and flush toilet to drown out sounds then pee...

I mean it seems so weird when I think about talking about this but its just the norm now i guess for me, when this was first a problem for me I'd get really angry and upset with myself because I was thinking how abnormal this was and nobody else had problems with it but I mean i could feel like **** about myself for such a small problem but i'd rather not......


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

If I am relaxed, and the bathroom is private enough I can usually go. If its a public washroom and nobody is using, I sometimes can go.. but only if I am relaxed.  Sometimes it takes a few separate attempts. Where the problem starts is I anticipate not being able to go, then it messes up my thought and I cant go. no matter what. 

I can't use a stall, because I worry that people will judge me for it.. Like " why is that guy standing in the stall doing nothing?" "Real men don't use stalls" and such. I could sit down so it would appear normal for me to be in there then.. but I have a phobia about sitting on dirty public toilets.

I though I made good progress for awhile. I would be confident and relaxed and be able to go. Now its going backwards again. Now everytime I can't go, it takes away confidence.. which seems to be the root of the problem. I need to fix this problem... maybe medication would help?


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## Halcyon (Nov 24, 2003)

Motoman said:


> If I am relaxed, and the bathroom is private enough I can usually go. If its a public washroom and nobody is using, I sometimes can go.. but only if I am relaxed. Sometimes it takes a few separate attempts. Where the problem starts is I anticipate not being able to go, then it messes up my thought and I cant go. no matter what.
> 
> I can't use a stall, because I worry that people will judge me for it.. Like " why is that guy standing in the stall doing nothing?" "Real men don't use stalls" and such. I could sit down so it would appear normal for me to be in there then.. but I have a phobia about sitting on dirty public toilets.
> 
> I though I made good progress for awhile. I would be confident and relaxed and be able to go. Now its going backwards again. Now everytime I can't go, it takes away confidence.. which seems to be the root of the problem. I need to fix this problem... maybe medication would help?


I can relate to the standing in the stall with similar thoughts like that...In college, I'd be in the public bathroom stall and i'd hear someone enter the public washroom and what crossed my thoughts was this guy saw these legs/shoes facing towards the urinal to go pee and they immediately left (and they did leave) so those awkward feelings of what i'm doing to make the situation strange are present...but I do things a bit different to make myself comfortable and I'm going to pee in the stall if it makes me more comfortable so sorry buddy if that makes the situation strange but I gotta go or my reasoning for why they left in the first place isn't the case anyway so why trouble myself over it

I've also had these thoughts of moving backwards instead of moving forward and it sucks, i guess if you don't look at what you're going through as some chart of up/down or a mountain of progress then that "game" of where am I now in my progress dissipates and its just you living and there's no better or worse, up or down, where i should be and where I shouldn't...not sure if that makes any sense


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Missed you halcyon  you are the dude :cry


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## Motoman (Mar 20, 2008)

I just thought of this.. what about wearing an mp3 player into the public washroom? Might seem a little strange, but it would take care of any distractions. Maybe worth a shot


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## BeachGaBulldog (Feb 13, 2007)

I hate peeing in public. If there are people in the restroom, I will go to a stall. It may take a minute or more. I also have a tough time peeing at home. I heard everything from having an enlarged prostate to the meds.


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## Ace1560 (Apr 30, 2008)

I just use music like put in some headphones and look up at a wall so its like im not there or something, but still when i know someone walks in my bladder is like "uh can't do it boss, someone's here"


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## venusfruit (May 9, 2008)

I'm extremely pee shy. In grade school, I would hold it in until I came home! I never have problems with that when I'm home. Even now, if I'm in the bathroom and there's people in the other stalls, I can't go until they all leave. It seems so easy for everyone else. I always feel like the only one. The only time I don't have a problem is when I'm drunk. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm a bit of a urophiliac. It's very twisted!


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## shychick2 (Oct 20, 2008)

One tip I found is to basically cover my ears by pushing a flap on my ear into the earhole. If I can barely hear me or the other person I can usually pee. Waiting for the other person to flush can work although sometimes it is really fast.
I hate people who use their mobile when you are in the toilet-what must the other person think! That is grim...


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## Sierra83 (Sep 24, 2007)

Chances are no one's really paying much attention to you tinkling, but here's what I do when pee shyness strikes: I flush the toilet then go


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

Yup. Most embarassing thing ever. There's no good way to explain to your date, for example, that you spent the last five minutes in the restroom at the bar because you need to reach a state of absolute zen in order to take a tinkle. My last girlfriend actually thought I was calling other women from the bathroom. The one before that thought I was doing drugs in there :lol 

During freshman year of college I once went three days without being able to pee. Now that was scary!

Of course, getting drunk usually solves this problem...


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)




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## Solitario (Aug 28, 2008)

venusfruit said:


> I'm extremely pee shy. In grade school, I would hold it in until I came home! I never have problems with that when I'm home. Even now, if I'm in the bathroom and there's people in the other stalls, I can't go until they all leave. It seems so easy for everyone else. I always feel like the only one. The only time I don't have a problem is when I'm drunk. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm a bit of a urophiliac. It's very twisted!


This is me to a 't'. A few things I've figured out: if I don't drink liquids I can go without peeing for long time. My record is 16 hours and I could have gone longer. Second, like someone else mentioned, if I'm in a stall, when I plug my ears, that helps. As long as I don't see or hear anyone else, I can usually go. This doesn't apply on a airplane. I used to be able to use the bathroom on a airplane but not anymore for some reason. It makes traveling very hard.


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## eagleheart (Jun 14, 2007)

I too tend to plug my ears if there is someone else in the washroom. It`s weird.

I don`t really have a problem with going to them now, but when I was in high school, I don`t think I ever used one at school, ever. But the problem with that is that I had to go really bad as soon as I stepped into my driveway.

What I find is worse than this, though, is the inevitable bathroom breaks that must be taken during the day by females of a certain age, during a certain time. I won`t go into detail of course. But public washrooms and that are just a pain in the butt!!

Ever since I found out what is inside the men`s bathrooms... I`ve always wondered how they can do it. I couldn`t if I was a guy. TOO EMBARRASSING!

P. S. One time when I was at a social in elementary school, and I went to the bathroom, these kids looked over the top of the stall at me!!! Now that is not pleasant!!


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

It isn't that bad, just when guys want to have entire conversations with you as they pee, like complete strangers who think they bond with you in some brotherly way because you're peeing next to them in the urinal...their pee buddy, it just freaks me out and then I get pee anxiety. This happens a lot at bars when a guy is drunk, come on, even when I'm wasted and social I really don't feel like talking to a guy when peeing.


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## Dashman28 (Oct 8, 2008)

http://www.paruresis.org/

Check out their discussion board. This is a very common social anxiety, and can be quite debilitating. I know.


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## aviationboy (Jan 9, 2009)

i dont have this disorder, however i do always use the stalls in restrooms. i dont like whipping it out near other people. "cubicle pisser" is the term rofl


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## Mnster (Oct 2, 2008)

Doesn't bother me much. I never take a crap in a public place unless of emergency. If I have to I'll often drive to a park or one of those port-a-john places at least then I can crap my guts out alone and the facility won't stink up worse then it already is. Being tall sucks the average bathroom stall people can see your face while wiping. It's uhm, awkward a little.

Peeing yeah I'm not to shy, I figure if they want to look they can, but it will only make them jealous.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Gosh we learn a lot about each other on this forum don't we? :um 

I usually try to find less frequented restrooms and I don't ever use the urinals. If the adjacent stalls are occupied I try n sit it out until they empty. And those auto flush toilets seriously freak me out cos they always seem to flush when I least expect them too :afr.


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## NooNee (Jan 17, 2009)

I am cracking up. I thought only I discused pooping so openly. Poop is a daily conversation at my house. My son who has SA has also developed Encopresis...the inability to sense the urge to poop....so he has accidents. As if he doesn't have enough anxiety issues to deal with! We are quite open about it in our house to alleviate the axiety, but it sucks. And you feel like such a failure as a parent. I personally have a phobia of public restrooms. I will hold it as long as I can before i will use one. I've been know to pull over in a dark parkinglot and pee there. AND POOP, forget it. My *** is not going anywhere near a toilet seat! And if i absolutely have to, I use like 10 of those liners on top. Anyway, just had to share!!!


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## screwjack (Dec 19, 2008)

Shy bladder sucks, I can never go if there is someone right next to me or even worse waiting in line at the urinal. I will usually pretend I went and go back later. I've gotten a lot better though before I couldn't even go if there was no one in there. 

As for going number 2 I will usually plan ahead and go to the bathroom before going out and eat light lunches. I only go if there is no one there and I really, really have to go. 

I can't believe the people that talk on cell phones while they are urinating or even worse on the toilet, just farting and grunting away like it's no big deal. This is beyond bizzare to me.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Shy bladder can be defeated with practice! Take it from someone who knows. :b


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## Bredwh (Jan 24, 2009)

SebFontain said:


> I hate using the urinals when someone is standing next to me. I have had guys look at my member before and in one case had to tell a guy to keep his eyes on his own junk. I even had an old guy spy on me once when I was going #2 in a stall. I always try to wait till I am home.


I had an old guy spy on me in the stall too! Freaked me out. Still freaks me out a little.

I don't have trouble with peeps, use the urinal and am fine, but twosies I can only go if no one else is in there or if it is really loud. If someone comes in I'll just wait. Sometimes it can be really annoying if people keep going in and out.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I used to have trouble going to the urinal, but nowadays, it is not so bad. My main problem is the stall and trying not to make noise. I wait until somebody flushes. 

Other than that, potty protection papers are a must and can muffle the tinkle.


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## ilikebooks (Nov 26, 2008)

I usually go from 7 AM to 9:30 PM without using the facilities because of this. I can't STAND the thought of other people hearing me pee. The toilet seat issue can always be defeated with a few layers of seat protecters, but the thought of someone being able to hear me pee freaks me out. I used to go at work after we closed, but then one day I realized I could hear someone peeing from the hallway, and that was the end of that.

I know it's stupid and irrational, but I can't get over it. Luckily I seem to have a bladder the size of Russia.


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

I'm poop shy....I cannot function normally when at other peoples houses when I need to go or in public.


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## MisterSocialAnxiety (Mar 13, 2011)

I used to be unable to pee in public restrooms if anyone else was around, although I had a little more luck if it was someone I knew. My friend was the opposite. He was fine with strangers but had trouble with friends nearby!

I can tell you that it becomes easier as you get older. It hardly bothers me at all any more. For whatever reason, I just don't care any more so I don't get that intense anxiety that I used to get. Much nicer. 

It might have to do with being married too. My wife does not shut the door when using the bathroom and feels free to come in if I am in there. That eventually helped me reduce the related anxiety too. Plus all of the fun stuff married people tend to do gets you less shy about things and reduces the anxiety.

Another thing that can help is finding a 'pee' buddy who you are able to talk to about the issue and then going to pee together. If you can talk about it you'll find it isn't as awkward as you would think. It is kind of liberating. You can both drink a lot of fluids and then agree to stand around as long as it takes until you both go. Eventually the anxiety decreases and you actually can. Then celebrate!

BTW, most people with this condition avoid drinking liquids but that can eventually cause kidney stones, which are no fun, so do yourself a favor and work on the problem so you can drink enough liquids that your urine is mostly clear and not yellow. I know that is uncomfortable and a pain, but it will help you get over the issue too!


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## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

I can piss OK , as long as I can use the cubicle and close the door, and the trick is , is to aim it onto the side of the thing ,rather than directly piss in to the water.
This way you can piss almost in complete silence.

WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO PISS UNSHIELDED INTO A LINE OF URINALS IN PUBLIC WITH OTHER GUYS ALL WITH THEIR AND YOUR D*** OUT? Because this is what it really is......


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## More Dopamine (Nov 16, 2012)

I have this exact problem. It's like my bladder has a brain, and it's conscious. To the point where I feel ashamed, so it's definitely a huge anxiety issue for me.


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