# problems w/ therapy



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

This is more of an observation than a specific problem, but it's pretty ongoing and general advice given by a few therapists I've had in the past. They always say go somewhere to get out (like the supermarket or a restaurant or something), but what I don't get is how it's all supposed to work, this "going out" thing. I mean, why go out to a place that is very triggering (which for me, a supermarket is) and start there as the first place to go out? I really can't think of other places that I would "go out" to in order to start my exposure therapy. Or places where I can "start small" at, you know? Maybe I had a traumatic experience at a supermarket and so I cannot go there without feeling afraid. (or some other scenario like that lol). The ironic thing is that being exposed may not exactly be what a person needs at that moment in time, sometimes you're in a state of mind where you're not ready to be exposed since that's the one thing in your mind that you want to run away from. Well, all this is to say that sometimes you NEED exposure, but other times you need a healthy break in order to instill healthy thoughts into, and only THEN can you healthily expose, and go at it again without all the anxiety and negative self-talk. Just my sentiments. Oh, being afraid of supermarkets thing, it's also an indication of what is most anxiety-provoking on chronic basis versus hypothetically or rarely, like dating or going to a party. Does anyone comprehend what I just posted??


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## yakubu (Nov 4, 2008)

sanria22 said:


> This is more of an observation than a specific problem, but it's pretty ongoing and general advice given by a few therapists I've had in the past. They always say go somewhere to get out (like the supermarket or a restaurant or something), but what I don't get is how it's all supposed to work, this "going out" thing. I mean, why go out to a place that is very triggering (which for me, a supermarket is) and start there as the first place to go out? I really can't think of other places that I would "go out" to in order to start my exposure therapy. Or places where I can "start small" at, you know? Maybe I had a traumatic experience at a supermarket and so I cannot go there without feeling afraid. (or some other scenario like that lol). The ironic thing is that being exposed may not exactly be what a person needs at that moment in time, sometimes you're in a state of mind where you're not ready to be exposed since that's the one thing in your mind that you want to run away from. Well, all this is to say that sometimes you NEED exposure, but other times you need a healthy break in order to instill healthy thoughts into, and only THEN can you healthily expose, and go at it again without all the anxiety and negative self-talk. Just my sentiments. Oh, being afraid of supermarkets thing, it's also an indication of what is most anxiety-provoking on chronic basis versus hypothetically or rarely, like dating or going to a party. Does anyone comprehend what I just posted??


i dont think you are ready for therapy yet. for therapy to work you have to be at the point were you are saying ''right thats it i am 100% ready to overcome this anxiety. i am going to do what ever it takes and i will do what ever the therapist asks me to do. i am willing to face my fears''

without that attitude you will never change.

change comes in many phases and its important to move through each phase in the right order. you are int he action phase right now but you shouldnt be there, you arent even ready for it. you should go back to earlier phases and successfully move through them before even attemtping action

my advice is go into the ''coping with social anxiety '' link and look for a thread titled ''sick of sa, want it gone forever ? if so read on''. this thread was written by me and it was written for people specifically like you. it will tell you how to move throught the different phases


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## n1kkuh (Jul 11, 2008)

I understand where your coming from, you know that if you expose yourself to a situation that has caused anxiety before you will end up having the same experience that you are trying to avoid. Therapists try to tell you that you should go out and experience these anxiety provoking situations to get yourself used to them, but it just doesn't seem to work. From my experience, trying to expose yourself to situations, just to eliminate or to deal with anxiety just doesn't cut it. When I find that I expose myself to situations that genuinely matter to me then I don't have to worry about my anxiety as much. Its like I'm doing what causes me anxiety for the sake of doing it, for myself, not for the sake of elminating anxiety. 

The guy above me said you aren't ready for the action phase yet. But don't you feel that you haven't been involved in the action phase forever? My guess is that you been avoiding going out and experiencing things due to your anxiety, so in that sense doesn't that tell you you've been avoiding the action phase for too long? The only way to change is to change you actions, you thoughts and feelings will change along the way, your definitely gonna feel anxious, your definitely going to have anxious thoughts, but you can't expect those to change by trying different strategies and what not. The only way you can change is if you live the life that you want, you can wait forever before you start feeling better or before you start changing your thoughts, the time to start living is now!!


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Umm first of all I'm not an expert or anythin like that AND I haven't overcome SA either so its not like I know the right way to overcome it. This is just my unqualified opinion.

First of all putting yourself in the most anxiety provoking situation (the supermarket) straight away is not really a good idea. You are asking for failure imo. Also your exposure therapy would depend on on exactly how/where you get anxious at the supermarket. Does the supermarket parking lot make you anxious? Is it actually being inside? Is it the feeling of being watched? Lining up at the counter? Dealing with the checkout operator?

When therapists suggest say go to a supermarket it doesn't mean all you do is go turn up at a supermarket and just repeat it. Its all about starting small and observing and recording your thought processes as you get nervous and then analyzing them. Some pen n paper is really useful here as you do your exposure therapy.

So if you are nervous about the parking lot, you'd start small by say, walking around the edges of the parking lot and observing and recording how you feel. Just walking around is enough for the first day. You'd go home or somewhere comfortable and analyze what you've written down either by yourself or use a written guide like this one: http://www.scribd.com/doc/7199393/Shyness-and-Social-Anxiety-A-Self-Help-Guide (its pretty light reading of about 11 pages and pretty easy to understand - and free).

Once you've analysed your thought processes critically hopefully you'll realise that some of those thought processes aren't realistic or are irrational. With this knowledge you'd try the walking around carpark exercise again and see if you still feel anxiety etc.. and (hopefully) you'd gradually make your way into the carpark . Having achieved this goal, you'd start on approaching the actual supermarket etc. (Its all easier said than done and is a long term effort really. So you gotta keep the faith that you will be successful. There'll be bad days where you feel like all hope is lost...bla bla bla)

Umm depending on what your SA is like, this exposure therapy approach by itself may not be sufficient to get over your SA. I sometimes feel anxious for absolutely no reason that I can identify. My counsellor says its possible that my anxiety thought processes are so ingrained in me over time that the anxiety provoking thought/feeling may be crossing my mind so fast I may not even be realizing it. That may be the case, anyway, I prefer a med + exposure therapy + therapy approach.

There is no easy approach to overcoming to SA. You are gonna have to purposefully put yourself into uncomfortable situations which you are used to running away from. This doesn't mean you drop yourself in the deep end though; start where you feel the least uncomfortable and move up to the harder stuff.

And goodluck . We are all capable of change.


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## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

sanria22 said:


> I mean, why go out to a place that is very triggering (which for me, a supermarket is) and start there as the first place to go out? I really can't think of other places that I would "go out" to in order to start my exposure therapy. Or places where I can "start small" at, you know? Maybe I had a traumatic experience at a supermarket and so I cannot go there without feeling afraid. (or some other scenario like that lol).


I hear you. My previous therapists all did the same thing - oh, go out, do something challenging. Gee thanks. But at my last session with my new therapist, we went over several situations and she had me rate them in terms of anxiety level, on a scale of 1 to 10. These were very specific situations. It wouldn't just be "make a phone call" but "call this friend" or "this teacher." Not just "go shopping" but "go clothes shopping," or "go grocery shopping." Personally my level of anxiety varies depending on the store. Obviously I'll be working my way up - for homework this week I'm doing things I rated a measly 2, which is calling friends I try to stay in touch with anyway. One thing I find interesting is that it's easier for me to do it if I think of it as "homework." I don't analyze it as much, because I know the important thing is that I'm able to come to the next session and announce my victory.


sanria22 said:


> Oh, being afraid of supermarkets thing, it's also an indication of what is most anxiety-provoking on chronic basis versus hypothetically or rarely, like dating or going to a party. Does anyone comprehend what I just posted??


You just lost me. :lol
Do you mean that you usually go to the supermarket? So it wouldn't make you as anxious?


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## dontcare (Oct 6, 2008)

yakubu said:


> i dont think you are ready for therapy yet. for therapy to work you have to be at the point were you are saying ''right thats it i am 100% ready to overcome this anxiety. i am going to do what ever it takes and i will do what ever the therapist asks me to do. i am willing to face my fears''


There are plenty of lousy therapists out there. The majority of therapists, as far as I can tell do not know how to treat SA. Just because the therapist asks you to do something you're not ready for, does not mean you're not willing to do therapy.


yakubu said:


> without that attitude you will never change.


Never is a long time.


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## antonina (Oct 25, 2008)

I agree with the other posts that said you should try your least fearful items first. I think it would be counterproductive to do the things you are most afraid of first. If you experience failure then this just reinforces the pattern of avoidance. Also do things you are interested in. For example, I went on a birdwalk and socialized with people. I am interested in nature so I was with people who liked nature like myself so we had something in common. I also like photography so I went to a photography group. In this way the people you are with have something in common with you. I don't see the point in talking to random strangers who you have nothing in common with. Most people make friends with people they have something in common with.


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