# I'm no longer attracted to "attractive" girls.



## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

Like the title says, I don't find those 8s, 9s, or 10s attractive anymore. I acknowledge that they are attractive (this isn't "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"), but their abundant attractiveness turns me off. After so many rejections from them, they seem to have fallen off my radar. I feel like those plain Janes, the 6s and 7s, are more attractive to me because they actually seem attainable. If I strike up a conversation with one, I'd at least have a chance.

Realistically, how am I supposed to impress women who KNOW they're hot and have no shortage of male attention? What would I have to offer them that other men couldn't? I'd also know I wouldn't trust her if I was somehow able to somehow impress her. It wouldn't be a good situation.

I told this to one of my old friends the other day, and he told me that it was a very sad way to approach dating. Am I delusional for thinking that? Is it wrong that I'm going for girls that most guys would ignore, JUST because I don't feel like I'm up-to-par with the 10s? Does anyone else think this way?

Normal girls are awesome.


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## 803330 (Sep 3, 2016)

Sometime a girl can be a 10, but feel like a 4. when you treat her like a 2, because of how you'll expect her to behave, she'll feel like a -16. Don't ask about my math. It's science. My point is even if someone looks perfect, it doesn't mean that they are, or that you'll need to treat them like some sort of liability. People are who they are, and they can't actually help how they look to a degree, or their self esteem.


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

6/7s are still attractive and above average, you just dont want to date models anymore it sounds like to me and it's totally logical they wouldn't go for you, they go for the top 1% of men. I don't think a SASer has ever had a 10/10 girlfriend


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

im still attracted hot gals. Plain jane bores me.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

What you find attractive is up to you (of course) 

Personally i'm finding myself attracted to the slightly quirky looking guys at the moment, over the stereotypical "handsome" strong chin/perfect body ones. Preferences change.

If you find more "average" girls attractive, though, you will have a much larger pool of potential relationships.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

NoEgo said:


> Like the title says, I don't find those 8s, 9s, or 10s attractive anymore. I acknowledge that they are attractive *(this isn't "beauty is in the eye of the beholder")*


 But it should be. Just because 85% of everyone is the same exact person in what they like and what they dislike and how they judge attractiveness doesn't mean that people shouldn't think for themselves. It just means that not enough people do and you can see how stupid it is in how unrealistic the public perception of "attractive" is.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

As long as you're not doing it out of spite.. but maybe you are?


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

@NoEgo

Just be yourself and a woman that likes you will be attracted to that.

All women are beautiful in their own ways. Well, at least I think so.


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

The Library of Emma said:


> What you find attractive is up to you (of course)
> 
> Personally i'm finding myself attracted to the slightly quirky looking guys at the moment, over the stereotypical "handsome" strong chin/perfect body ones. Preferences change.
> 
> If you find more "average" girls attractive, though, you will have a much larger pool of potential relationships.


post some pics of the kind of guys you're attracted by :O


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Meh. Why date and approach women you find attractive lol.

This has come up before on this forum (a few times in the last few days, actually) and I don't get it man. I mean I get it, but I don't know why you'd take on that kind of attitude. I don't get how you would actually pursue a woman you'd feel very little or no attraction to, just to not be alone. Physical attraction isn't everything but it does matter imo, and it's a big part of your relationship and the attraction there. I just wonder...if you're willing to settle for someone you aren't physically attracted to are you also willing to settle for a woman you have nothing in common with, can't relate to, don't really "get" and are slow to connect with?? Physical attraction is what attracts at first, 99% of the time. So I'm just wondering how much you'd be willing to compromise for....what? To say you have a girlfriend? To not be alone? Seriously? And what would you really have?

It's all subjective anyways. But....you're going to go after girls that in your words "most guys would ignore"?? Seriously?

I have to ask....if she got with you, this girl that most other guys ignore....how would you expect her to feel about you, after you'd done her this huge favor, after getting with her, the girl that most guys would ignore? How do you think she'd feel about your relationship? Do you think she'd be grateful you were even with her? Is that what you would expect or something? Is it OK to have your whole relationship based on the fact that you think you're doing her a favor by even being with her because "most guys would ignore her anyway"? How is that gonna ever work out....

I have never been with a girl I didn't find to be drop dead gorgeous, I have never, ever "settled" whether it comes to physical attraction or attraction to who she is as a person after we got to know each other and I don't know how some guys can do that. Mind = blown.


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

I'm finding myself becoming less and less attracted to women. My sexual preference hasn't changed but girls that just look good but don't return the attention, isn't enough for me. I gotta have somebody who is willing not only to be decent looking but above that friendly to me. That's what has changed me. The Internet, trying to talk to women and finding out they don't want to talk to me. I finally got to the emotional point to where even in real life I can't force myself to try. I'm sorry girls but I can't help what my experience has been.

* I also have a very hard time trusting females because they change their minds so often. "I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you"


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I think you need to change your mindset up. You're getting into a trap many inexperienced men get into, believing that a woman would never want to date you. You're basing your value on whether you can get a gf or not. 

Here's what you should do. When you're meeting new women, don't expect them to be attracted to you immediately otherwise you will feel disappointed and give up. Just like how when you're meeting new friends, they're not your best friend immediately. Oftentimes, feelings take some time to develop especially if you're not the most attractive guy or charismatic guy in the world. Don't try to rush the attraction process, let feelings naturally develop overtime, use the exposure effect to your advantage. For you the goal should be learning to interact with women, not getting a girlfriend, not even looking for sex. Just talk to as many girls as possible and be friendly to them and try to be a friend and get to the point where you're comfortable interacting with women.

Don't go in with the mindset of trying to get a girlfriend or getting sex, otherwise you will get rejected or the girl will show little interest and you will give up. 


It's hard to wait because you want a girlfriend, you want sex, this is understandable. But be patient, patience is a thing that not a lot of people have anymore.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Svarog11 said:


> post some pics of the kind of guys you're attracted by :O


Um...something like these. Irl people don't normally let me take random pics of them :grin2:

EDIT

And especially this guy, i can't get the pictures to come up for some reason, but here's a link

EDIT

He's like a young Cumberbatch.

It's funny, as i was trying to think of examples of guys in movies i've been attracted to, it occurred to me that near all of them were either loners, had depression, or tried to off themselves in their respective movies, so i guess that's something else to consider. I kind of relate to people with problems, haha

And as an example of someone i think a lot of girls might consider attractive but who i really do *not*...

EDIT

anyway, there are exceptions to this of course, just a trend i've noticed in myself.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I wasn't aware that 7 is "average." It's weird how these ratings keep shifting.

If this is the ratings system now I guess I'm not even average enough to be a Plain Jane. :|


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Where does the rating system come from?


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

tehuti88 said:


> I wasn't aware that 7 is "average." It's weird how these ratings keep shifting.
> 
> If this is the ratings system now I guess I'm not even average enough to be a Plain Jane. :|


Don't feel bad. A 7 is not "average" or "plain Jane" by most people's standards. I mean that doesn't even work out mathematically going by that scale. However I don't really like the number rating system anyway.


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## Svarog11 (Jul 15, 2016)

@The Library of Emma they are all conventionally attractive and above average (except for being a lot thinner) , is this what you claim other girls consider unattractive? SAS guys are screwed then


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Hmm there aren't that many super hot girls with the lifestyle that I'm interested in. And those that are are of course taken. I suppose I could try hitting on them then. I'm way more attracted to personality and will ignore a hot girl if she has an ugly personality.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I don't like models, either. Most 9s/10s have hordes of guys chasing them, anyway.

I'll take a 'cute' girl over a 'babe' any day.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

tehuti88 said:


> I wasn't aware that 7 is "average." It's weird how these ratings keep shifting.
> 
> If this is the ratings system now I guess I'm not even average enough to be a Plain Jane. :|


I don't think it's shifted at all, 7's always been the real 'average' for most guys, this is what I'm taking about when I draw attention to posts claiming guys 'don't have standards the way females do' and whatnot...


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

The Library of Emma said:


> Where does the rating system come from?


We pulled it out of our buttholes! :shock It's basically totally arbitrary and subjective, talk to 10 different guys and get 10 different explanations...


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## Abhorsen (Aug 28, 2016)

VanitysFiend said:


> We pulled it out of our buttholes! :shock It's basically totally arbitrary and subjective, talk to 10 different guys and get 10 different explanations...


This is what I keep saying: Your 9 can be someone else's 6, someone's 5 can be your 10. Although I think this whole system is ridiculous. That's why I stopped having a "type". 
I agree there are conventionally very attractive men and women. I can see a hot guy like that in the street and sometimes I'm attracted to him, sometimes I'm not. I'm in a mindset right now where personality matters more (relationship-wise). Looks and sexual attraction are important, but you don't want to end up with someone just so you're not alone. Alot of people do this, and I don't get how that works. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the other person because both of you deserve to be loved and to have someone who genuinely cares about you.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Svarog11 said:


> @The Library of Emma they are all conventionally attractive and above average (except for being a lot thinner) , is this what you claim other girls consider unattractive? SAS guys are screwed then


I've been told by several different people that they thought these guys were weird looking :stu if they're still "conventional," then okay. i take it back.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

NoEgo said:


> Does anyone else think this way? Normal girls are awesome.


Yup. You said it.

Some have the looks, some don't. I feel better knowing I can give people the time of day without any real ulterior motives either way. Just getting to know people is pretty cool.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Abhorsen said:


> Looks and sexual attraction are important, but you don't want to end up with someone just so you're not alone. Alot of people do this, and I don't get how that works. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the other person because both of you deserve to be loved and to have someone who genuinely cares about you.


I agree. Not only is it not fair, if you start dating someone you're not attracted to, you might actually be ruining their chances of finding someone who _is_ attracted to them. That seems really selfish to me.

If you're not attracted to someone, don't date them. If that means a lot of people end up single ... oh well. Maybe future generations will be happier if only attractive people reproduce. :laugh:


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

truant said:


> I agree. Not only is it not fair, if you start dating someone you're not attracted to, you might actually be ruining their chances of finding someone who _is_ attracted to them. That seems really selfish to me.
> 
> If you're not attracted to someone, don't date them. If that means a lot of people end up single ... oh well. Maybe future generations will be happier if only attractive people reproduce. :laugh:


It's not that I'm NOT attracted to them, quite the contrary. I said that I find myself more attracted to them than the ones I'd consider "hot". What I'm saying is that I know they're not as outwardly-attractive as the women I don't approach, but that's what draws me to them. If that makes sense.


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## VanitysFiend (Jun 13, 2016)

BobbyJean said:


> This is a good idea for the most part but *there is a kink in the mix.. you just might miss out on someone nice.* When I was younger I thought the same of the boys.. if it looks too good other females will hit on them. Too many opportunities for cheating/loosing love *yikes*. Besides, it hurts to see someone you love being flirted with. It just almost isn't worth it.. almost.


This! Sometimes beautiful people have beautiful personalities. I'd put up with all the drawbacks if it meant I could be with her...I mean them :blush



BobbyJean said:


> *I myself am somewhat of a misfit,* I have been this way all of my life. I am attractive or so I have been told a few times..* I look 10 years younger than I am, let's just leave it at that.* I do not like being judged by my looks because* I think my heart is where its at.* To treat me like a tool just won't do, I have more to offer than that and my self esteem just isn't that low. I am 46 years old and* most of what I've experienced was being looked at like eye candy but not loved like my heart had once desired.* I gave up on wanting the kind of love I thought that I needed and started concentrating on healing myself inside and out. If love was to appear in my life now I would have a hard time believing it's sincerity. I think it's too late for me at my age but who knows, maybe the impossible will be possible. Learning to be happy alone is my goal. It takes time.


I'm already curious about the whole 'misfit' thing...
As much as I'm sure u'd rather just leave it at that I feel compelled to mention that we have a members photo gallery on this site...plz don't hate me 
The heart is defiantly more important but I think having someone love both your body and your mind would be amazing, and just because someone loves your body doesn't mean they'll treat u like a tool, especially if they're enthralled by your character. 
I'm very much in the opposite situation from u, I've never been anyone's eyecandy, and I really wish I could've been, especially if it was someone I was attracted to. All the girls I've ever been _really_ attracted to have been 10/10's lookswise imo, which either says a lot about my standards or a lot about how I see the people I fall for...


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

A lot of girls who are considered 10s, I don't consider to be that attractive. But that's just because everybody has certain types that they tend to be attracted to. Like how i'm usually attracted to petite girls with cute faces.


For instance believe it or not, some guys legitimately like bigger girls and it's not because they're trying to date down or think they stand a better chance. Just like some girls legitimately like short guys.


And also, you can think somebody is physically attractive but that doesn't mean you're attracted to them because they may not be your type. My sister is considered to be very attractive but I definitely woudn't date her, even if we weren't related at all. She's too high strung and gets easily irritated by the smallest of things and likes to call everything stupid, "like oh my god that small roundabout is so stupid!" But she's pretty cool though and it's fun to hangout with her sometimes and play Pokemon Go, even if I never admit to it.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

BobbyJean said:


> This is a good idea for the most part but there is a kink in the mix.. you just might miss out on someone nice. When I was younger I thought the same of the boys.. if it looks too good other females will hit on them. Too many opportunities for cheating/loosing love *yikes*. Besides, it hurts to see someone you love being flirted with. It just almost isn't worth it.. almost.
> 
> I myself am somewhat of a misfit, I have been this way all of my life. I am attractive or so I have been told a few times.. I look 10 years younger than I am, let's just leave it at that. I do not like being judged by my looks because I think my heart is where its at. To treat me like a tool just won't do, I have more to offer than that and my self esteem just isn't that low. I am 46 years old and most of what I've experienced was being looked at like eye candy but not loved like my heart had once desired. I gave up on wanting the kind of love I thought that I needed and started concentrating on healing myself inside and out. If love was to appear in my life now I would have a hard time believing it's sincerity. I think it's too late for me at my age but who knows, maybe the impossible will be possible. Learning to be happy alone is my goal. It takes time.


At 44 years old I'm in the exact same spot. Been through all the "love" stuff now just want to be happy alone and have some light-hearted fun. Those two things are harder than you think! But I'm getting there, yers, I'm getting there!


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

BobbyJean said:


> Hello funnynihilist  I sometimes wonder if this mentality comes with age (lol). I don't do the light-hearted fun bit, I can't.. I am the all or nothing type but I am glad to see that you have found some complacency.
> 
> Those two things are not harder than I think.. just easier said than done. I am still working on it myself


I think it does come with age. By the time you reach your mid-40s you have been through a lot and the "luster" has worn off of many things in life. You see them for what they really are instead of the fantasy you may have had in youth.

By "light-hearted" fun I wasn't really talking about relationships but rather things like traveling, laughing, drinking, eating, trying new things...you know, just fun stuff.


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## surviving (Oct 2, 2015)

Well...I mean that's good? I think people who constantly go after people that aren't in their league struggle a whole lot and finally you're in a situation where you can chat with girls in your league. Plus, I feel like average looking women are probably more down to earth, easier to chat up than super hot model women.

On the other hand, not a fan of the phrase "plain jane" but I get what you are trying to convey. I don't think average looking women are plan at all due to the fact they are all different individual, have hopes and dreams, etc. I think when you find the girl that is just right for you, I doubt you'll think of her as just some "plain jane" but someone who is special and unique to you. I hope that happens for you one day.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

For me physical attraction matters but it isn't super important to me. I'm not going to narrow my search options down to only a few girls that I find super attractive. 

For me at this current moment in time, I just want to find a girl whom I connect with and also I would find at least somewhat attractive. For me, it's more important to how someone makes me feels, and companionship. But I also value my alone time as well. I like to have companionship but at the same time, I value being able to do my own thing.


But no I woudn't date a girl I am physically repulsed by. I generally speaking like girls who are 5 ft 5 and shorter and my age or a little older or younger and arne't obese and try to put some effort into their appearence. That doesn't rule out a majority of women.


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## chefdave (Dec 16, 2013)

truant said:


> I agree. Not only is it not fair, if you start dating someone you're not attracted to, you might actually be ruining their chances of finding someone who _is_ attracted to them. That seems really selfish to me.
> 
> If you're not attracted to someone, don't date them. If that means a lot of people end up single ... oh well. Maybe future generations will be happier if only attractive people reproduce. :laugh:


Wow, something we agree on!


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## Comeatmebro (Sep 7, 2016)

That makes no sense, if you're rating them 9's and 10's then that means you find them attractive. What you're basically telling us is that you're insecure so you put them down to make yourself feel better


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## The Linux Guy (Jul 11, 2013)

xxDark Horse said:


> I think you need to change your mindset up. You're getting into a trap many inexperienced men get into, believing that a woman would never want to date you. You're basing your value on whether you can get a gf or not.
> 
> Here's what you should do. When you're meeting new women, don't expect them to be attracted to you immediately otherwise you will feel disappointed and give up. Just like how when you're meeting new friends, they're not your best friend immediately. Oftentimes, feelings take some time to develop especially if you're not the most attractive guy or charismatic guy in the world. Don't try to rush the attraction process, let feelings naturally develop overtime, use the exposure effect to your advantage. For you the goal should be learning to interact with women, not getting a girlfriend, not even looking for sex. Just talk to as many girls as possible and be friendly to them and try to be a friend and get to the point where you're comfortable interacting with women.
> 
> ...


It depends what kind of women are around you, and if you can do anything to improve it. I think once enough time goes by you got to learn that if the only women you have access too don't want you then they don't want you. I see people on this forum falling onto the trap of believing something that isn't true. They believe that you got control over your life. When the reality is you got limited control over your life and the people you meet. Sometimes the circumstances of life throws a curve ball at you and all you can do is do the best you can with the cards your dealt with. That's what I've been doing my whole life and it's not good enough for the Women who live around me or the one's I've chatted with online. Considering my age now, I think I have a right to say "I give up" and try and be content with the way I am. The only way thing will change is if life sends me another curve ball in another direction.


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

I hear ya bro. In my experience the 8s, 9s, & 10s aren't worth the hassle. I'm almost 30, don't have the time or patience to be dealing with the high maintenance and uppity attitudes. 

There are exceptions though. The one I'm dating is a solid 10 to me but shes down for anything even if it doesn't involve spending money out the wazoo and is a nerdy metalhead. 

Win-Win Situation.


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## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

@HilarityEnsues, OMG congrats on that win, if you find a double of her, send her my way!?

At everybody asking about ratings systems:
Social systems are a feminization of culture. Women primarily adhere to them psychologically, and men adhere to them in order to fit in with such feminized societies, otherwise they don't get the classy girls who have fewer STD's for sex. When strictly speaking of males, there is no ratings system, there is the biology of attraction, which can be systematized through categorization and statistical analysis of male preference, but it doesn't work the other way around like it does with women. At least as far as I've seen. There is a third factor, in which males become accustomed to the affections of a certain type of girl who isn't generally considered to be attractive by others of similar bio-type, and there is always the X-factor to contend with.

As an off topic extra about feminized societies and male behavior, although it has a calming and organizing effect on the female mind, according to my preliminary findings on historical male behavior, it causes the exact opposite effect in males. In the male brain, it promotes strictness and extreme forms of narcissism, and can lead to an increased severity of 'closet' social deviancy. Adult males need the freedom to be themselves and go their own way while maintaining equal status with their peers, while this may seem quite an absurd concept to someone who has a highly feminized mind. The more strict the system, the worse and more strongly ingrained types of corruption you will find, even if it isn't as visible to an outsider. Just look at the military for the most extreme and absurd examples you will ever see.

Back to the main subject, I totally get where you're coming from, except on the opposite end of the spectrum. Fat, ugly, and angry, were the most common type of woman you would find in the impoverished places where I grew up. Maybe they were 4 or 5 otherwise, but their bad behavior made me see them as horrible as those gross European monsters like orcs and trolls and goblins. At first, I didn't know why they were so horrifying to look at, but I figured it out as I learned some psychology... Due to the bad behavior of a small group of ignorant fools, I may never be able to see a fat person without cringing in disgust, at least not without top notch therapy, which will never happen. I tolerate them, and I make sure not to say anything about them being gross unless they come on to me, and some of them have amazing talents, but I'll never find one attractive. That's why I have to tell the world that I'm only interested in skinny girls. Plus, it's trendy to dislike fat people now, just think how many starving african orphans could have been fed for a week with the food that one american consumes in a day.

On the subject of impressing women, or being impressed, I don't believe in bragging about accomplishments or status in order to attract a mate. Women try to brag about their accomplishments a lot, when I'm out around town in situations where I have to talk to women, and find that it has absolutely no effect on me. I'd much rather know that a girl has a good mind for self management, some fashion sense, and the ability to treat someone of a lower class as an equal instead of like they smell garbage. That's super rare in my town by coincidence...

I tried to define my attraction into categories and indexes, but in doing so, I found that I am attracted to specific forms of specific body parts. I have almost fully defined my attractions for every area of the face, head, neck, torso, arms, legs, etc etc etc. as well as the acceptable deviancy from those ideal forms. If I were an artist, I could draw her and feed it into an image search program.  But the strangest thing that I noticed about attraction over a long period of time is that my mental image of a friend's physical form slowly fades away the better I get to know their inner self, so really for me, physical attraction is just the initial qualifier that lets me decide who I want to get to know and show my (extremely secretive) romantic side to. The fact that they'll get old and moldy and gross as they get old becomes irrelevant.


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## thtmansam (Feb 7, 2016)

Well I'm still attracted to attractive/pretty girls but I don't really think I have a chance at keeping them entertained or anything like that. To me I see unattractive girls almost the same as attractive girls. I'd rather be friends with both. The only person I see that I think I'd have a chance with is somewhere in the middle, not too attractive or the girls I find somewhat attractive in a way that guys usually overlook. Also something like what @HilarityEnsues encountered could work. I know it sounds shallow and picky but what can I say that's just how I am at this point in life.

Sent from my LG-D801 using Tapatalk


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## HilarityEnsues (Oct 4, 2012)

@k_wifler Will do!


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