# How do you guys do it?



## SADtg (May 29, 2014)

I mean, how do you talk to your therapist? I would probably just sit there and not say anything at all,lol. That's why I never went and probably never will go, it just seems too scary. I feel like they'd judge me/think I'm complaining/other people have it worse/etc.


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## sickofshyness (Oct 18, 2011)

It wasn't easy at first. However, therapists are trained to help you feel more comfortable talking....at least the good ones.....are patient and helpful.


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## Eisenberg014 (Jul 14, 2014)

I'm actually thinking about the same thing too. I mean how do people can talk to their therapist about their problems? Of course it's therapist's job. They gotta talk about their problems so that the therapist can do her/his job. But I don't think I could do that. I'm thinking like this because I've never talked to a therapist before but I don't know. I hesitate even talking to my folks though they're people whom I know.


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## simon234 (Jul 10, 2014)

If it's a situation that triggers your SA then it's going to be difficult, but remember the therapist has seen it all before and is not there to judge so you can just let it all hang out so to speak.

Maybe if you try some CBT yourself before going. Various books etc.

Or maybe meds to get you into therapy.


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## JustThisGuy (Mar 24, 2012)

SADtg said:


> I mean, how do you talk to your therapist? I would probably just sit there and not say anything at all,lol. That's why I never went and probably never will go, it just seems too scary. I feel like they'd judge me/think I'm complaining/other people have it worse/etc.


It took me a couple of sessions to open up about things. But once I did, I honestly started feeling better. They keep your privacy and they help you work through negative thinking. And, you know, if you don't like your therapist, you can always get another one. I lucked out on my first one. She's really thoughtful and kind. She's gone through what we have and really helps me breakdown my negative thinking, anxieties/SAD/GAD and other b.s.


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## VeMuñeca (Sep 5, 2013)

I just began by discussing the problems and frustrations in my life that had led me to therapy.


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## itsjustin (Oct 21, 2011)

I said a few words at first and by the end of the session I was having a back-and-forth discussion with my psycho. After a few visits, I was volunteering information without having to have him ask for it. If we're spending money for help, we might as well get as much help as we can in each session.


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## Cojack (Jul 21, 2014)

I had a similar issue, I like to bottle everything up and suppress feelings so that people can't read me. 

My therapist saw through this and gave me work to do away from the sessions such as writing down anxiety triggers and frustrations on a piece of paper. Then writing down things that calmed me and helped cope. 

Taking that piece of paper into the session, handing it over allowed the therapist to get an angle on how I was feeling and how to approach treating it. 

For some reason it was easier to write on a piece of paper than to discuss directly. 

Might be worth a try!


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## hmweasley (Sep 12, 2013)

I think the biggest difference is that therapists now a lot more about social anxiety than almost anyone else you'll meet. Knowing that someone I'm talking to can't actually understand why I'm so nervous, just makes me more nervous, but that shouldn't be a problem with a therapist. Even though they most likely haven't experienced social anxiety first hand, they still probably understand it more than anyone else whose never experienced it.


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## SADtg (May 29, 2014)

Thanks for anyone who responded, still don't think I can do it, lol. I'm a ****ing coward, I know.


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## FearIsland (Feb 14, 2014)

I remember the first time I saw my therapist. I was really scared. I told him that I didn't want to come. He looked at me, smiled a big smile, and said, "You thought I was going to make you nervous didn't you." I laughed and said, "Yes! I was so scared.". 

I was finally able to relax a bit and tell him a little about myself. After a few more sessions I feel like I could tell him anything. 

I think the point I'm making is that therapists see people with debilitating anxiety all the time. It's part of their job. Not seeing a therapist because you're too scared is like not seeing a doctor because your arm is broken. The fear is something they're there to help you with.


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## bluenotebooks (May 25, 2009)

I've talked to a lot of therapists without ever really opening up. I was more concerned about looking "good" in front of them or impressing them than I was about really communicating. Obviously this is a giant waste of time. I don't think I was even aware I was doing this at the time. Truly opening up to someone is hard as hell.


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## SailingCol (Jul 29, 2014)

*Coward*



SADtg said:


> Thanks for anyone who responded, still don't think I can do it, lol. I'm a ****ing coward, I know.


Not as big a coward as meeeeee. Dodging it for years. Aaah


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## cryptoboy (Jul 30, 2014)

I have visited a therapist for 3-4 years and I am very pleased with his services. I had problems with anxiety and depression, but after a few sessions everything came into place. Of course took some drugs, but for a short time.


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## LivetoRead (Jun 23, 2014)

Hi, reading all the feedback to the original question you had and everyone has some really good comments. It is really hard to go and talk to a therapist, I know because I just did yesterday and I can tell you I was so nervous. I began to think well maybe I'll be alright I don't need to go and I got lost and was a little late but I made myself get over it and boy am I glad. She or he is professional trained and will know how to guide you through the appointment and a lot of times once you start to open up it will be like and flood gate opening. At least for me that's how it has been, this is my third time going to a psychologist and I realize I will probably always need help at different times in my life. I hope you will find the strength to do this for yourself I really believe it is the best thing for me.


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## Roch (Jul 7, 2014)

Finding a good therapist is difficult, I had about 4 in my lifetime and 2 of them were horrible. BUT, I had a really great therapist in high school that I will never forget. Not only did he genuinely care for me but he understood every fiber of my being. I was in one of the most darkest moments of my life and was about to quit it on numerous occasions but he would drop everything to be there right by my side. The problem is because that deep connection was there I became a bit attached to him and then we had to part our ways since I was graduating and he got a new job. I was so lost after.

I could go on and on about this story but I wont lol. Moral is, although it is hard to find them, there are good therapists out there. If you're lucky to find one your SA kind of dissipates.


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## Arete (May 14, 2011)

bluenotebooks said:


> I've talked to a lot of therapists without ever really opening up. I was more concerned about looking "good" in front of them or impressing them than I was about really communicating. Obviously this is a giant waste of time. I don't think I was even aware I was doing this at the time. Truly opening up to someone is hard as hell.


I have this same problem. At least for me, I use my ego in a way that I think might protect me. No one can teach me anything, no one knows as much about SA as I do, no one is as morally aware, insightful, or understanding as me..... blah, blah, blah.

But when I think about it rationally, I've been helped many times in my life just by talking to people who have a different perspective. For some reason, no matter how smart we think we are (and yes I do consider myself pretty savvy), other people can see things that we simply can't from our limited perspective. I have a great job, for example, but there's only one reason it happened. My two closest friends at the time simply said "why don't you just ask for something better, it's your life, and what can they do but say no". The encouragement and support from them was indispensable. But the really weird thing is, I wouldn't have allowed myself to even think about such a thing, but they just made it seem so ..... obvious.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Desperation can be really helpful. It can open your mouth and make you spit it all out, even if you feel like choking, blush like hell and feel like it is torture.

As I have said over and over again, the hardest part is the first meeting. It gets slightly easier with each new meeting.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

bluenotebooks said:


> I've talked to a lot of therapists without ever really opening up. I was more concerned about looking "good" in front of them or impressing them than I was about really communicating. Obviously this is a giant waste of time. I don't think I was even aware I was doing this at the time. Truly opening up to someone is hard as hell.


Yep. That is lying to yourself. Cause the therapist is still being payed, no matter you are there to get help and tell him what has to be said or to just bull**** him. He/she had nothing to lose. You did lose money, time and probably regret. Hope it will be better next time if you decide to give it another try.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

@ Arete: We never know everything, so obviously there are people that know more things than we do. Especially on something like a mental disorder. Reading stuff online can't be compared to learning in college for years and then gather years and years of experience. 

Moreover, if we would be able to be objective about ourselves, identify our issues alone and fix them, there would be no need for therapists or psychiatrists. We would just ''fix'' ourselves. Or there would no longer be mental dosorders. Usually, we only know ourselves on the surface, but can't really dig deeper and get to the source of our disturbing thoughts. We have a set of beliefs that we think is correct by default and we judge everything based on it. Truth is, that set of beliefs may be irrational, so although we are using logic to try to find an answer, when you start with a wrong assumption, you usually get to a wrong conclusion as well. That is why you need someone else: To tell you that maybe your assumption/perception is incorrect/irrational and offer a more reasonable alternative.


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## kndrstn (Aug 13, 2014)

surprisingly its easier to talk to therapist because its a staged environment and they prompt you with lots of questions. I thought the same thing, but I often found myself talking past my 45 min. alot depends on the therapist too. some are more patient than others. has to be the right fit. and despite whether they think your complaining or not, they chose that profession and they make good money to listen. it is well worth trying. I havent found the right therapist yet, but im giving it another go. but if u do, Beware the Meds. Do your research, they dont tell you all the nasty details and withdrawal symptoms. My experiences with meds have been a living nightmare.


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## zstandig (Sep 21, 2013)

I just talk about what bothers me....actually...after ten+ years I can't say that it's done anything for me.


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## ImmortalxApathy (Feb 19, 2011)

I no longer use a therapist. What I'd suggest is just let them do the talking and you do very little. Let them try and coax you into being comfortable. There's no need to go into your life story until YOU are ready. If they are forcing it, tell them you are not ready.


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## JBower (Aug 19, 2014)

Your therapist should put you at ease and facilitate you opening up. Not all therapists are created equal. If you aren't comfortable, shop around. I've found that talking to someone closer to my age helps me relax.


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