# I Had a Date With a Gay Man.



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I recently went out on a date with a man from POF. I had a successful date from there before so I gave it another chance. He was a 6'1 dude, with sort of a biker style. Lots of denim, leather, thick boots. He played guitar, which was a huge turn on for me. He had a very masculine appearance just judging from photos I saw. When I met him, it turned out that looks can be deceiving.

I got the impression that he was a bisexual or gay male that put on a masculine front to hide the truth. His mannerisms and hand movements were VERY feminine. I'm sure everyone has an idea of how theatrical gay men talk. He even did the infamous finger snap. :lol I was totally horrified. He also said he had lots of female friends, which also struck me as odd. He also said that lots of girls lose interest in him because he's too romantic. I was willing to bet they lost interest because they felt like he was another woman.

I actually managed to ask him if he was gay, and of course he denied it. But this is all very disappointing. Just when you think you've met the perfect man, something goes wrong. I love gays, but I don't really respect gay males who date women and lie to them.

Should I tell him the truth about why we had no chemistry?


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

LOL


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I went on date once with a guy who had a gay accent. I don't think he was gay but the accent was such a turn off. I mentioned it and he said it was probably cause he used to work in theater. I think my comment annoyed him a bit. He also used a really old photo of himself, probably from over 10 years ago. Very disappointing.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

Assuming he is gay (and I didn't know we were allowed to make those assumptions especially in the face of a denial), you should have some compassion for him. You already made your point to him. I'm sure he'll move on.


----------



## BobbyByThePound (Apr 4, 2012)

LMAO. Tell him he's gay or just do that "you're not my type" thing.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Not in my case,dont you even dare suggest for one second that I am gay.


----------



## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

I bet he isn't even gay.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> Assuming he is gay (and I didn't know we were allowed to make those assumptions especially in the face of a denial), you should have some compassion for him. You already made your point to him. I'm sure he'll move on.


Yea it sounds like she is assuming he's gay. Just because a guy as a lot of female friends doesn't really means he's gay but whatever. If he said he's not then take his word for it.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

meganmila said:


> Yea it sounds like she is assuming he's gay. Just because a guy as a lot of female friends doesn't really means he's gay but whatever. If he said he's not then take his word for it.


I see alot of people have reading comprehension issues. There are SEVERAL ways in which you can tell a man is gay. His movements and speech are two of them.


----------



## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

lyric said:


> I see alot of people have reading comprehension issues. There are SEVERAL ways in which you can tell a man is gay. His movements and speech are two of them.


That doesn't mean he's gay just because he acts and talks gay. You don't think it's possible for him to act and talk that way, yet still be attracted to woman? he's looking for dates with women after all. maybe give him the benefit of the doubt that he just has a flamboyant personality but still wants to put it in you.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

This is all pretty hilarious coming from someone who was trying to school posters in the Miley Cyrus hair thread on how we shouldn't judge people for being butch or femme as it relates to their sexuality.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

How about we can tell a man is gay or bi if he is hitting on men and talking about men in a relationship type of way etc.


----------



## targetbuddy (Jul 31, 2012)

I think it's been made pretty clear that OP isn't attracted to the stereotypically gay qualities that this guy is showing. I don't know why anyone is trying to convince her she should be.


----------



## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

You know the date probably isn't going too well if she asks if you're gay.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

targetbuddy said:


> I think it's been made pretty clear that OP isn't attracted to the stereotypically gay qualities that this guy is showing. I don't know why anyone is trying to convince her she should be.


I don't think anyone is. She should clearly move on.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm not convincing her to be attracted to him just about her making assumptions pretty much and also if he is so gay why did he agree to a date with a woman? And did say no when she asked. He must be really in denial then.


----------



## FireIsTheCleanser (Aug 16, 2011)

asw12345 said:


> if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it must be a duck


Or a robot


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> This is all pretty hilarious coming from someone who was trying to school posters in the Miley Cyrus hair thread on how we shouldn't judge people for being butch or femme as it relates to their sexuality.


There is a difference between physical appearance and actual character or personality traits. You said her hairstyle was that of a lesbian's. Does Miley ACT like a lesbian? No.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

meganmila said:


> I'm not convincing her to be attracted to him just about her making assumptions pretty much and also if he is so gay why did he agree to a date with a woman? And did say no when she asked. He must be really in denial then.


I see now that some people have never heard of Down Low gay males, gay men in the closet, or gay men who seek beards.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

huh said:


> You know the date probably isn't going too well if she asks if you're gay.


:lol


----------



## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

My stepdad's father was gay, yet he married and had children and came out years afterwards.

Suppose you knew he was straight somehow, would you date him then? Or is the feminine-ness itself too much...


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Haunty said:


> My stepdad's father was gay, yet he married and had children and came out years afterwards.
> 
> Suppose you knew he was straight somehow, would you date him then? Or is the feminine-ness itself too much...


I'm just not attracted to feminine qualities at all. Even if I knew he was totally straight, the way he acts would still be a turn-off. A woman wants to feel like she's with a MAN you know?


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Wow, wait, what?

_This is insane! You judge someone and assume they are gay, just because of the way they look, talk, and act...

_THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES A MAN GAY IS THAT HE IS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO OTHER MEN.

You know, I actually agreed with you when you said that I was being too judgmental of women, but this takes the cake. If you're going to judge a man for being gay, when it might not be true, I wonder how you'd take someone who's not Mr. Beautiful? And obviously the reason why he was attractive to you was because of shallow reasons.

Perhaps he's meeting the wrong women, over and over again?


----------



## Zerix (Jan 21, 2012)

Wow, this thread sure packs a ridikilous crowd! :lol :lol



> Perhaps he's being the wrong women, over and over again?


Fixed!


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

lyric said:


> There is a difference between physical appearance and actual character or personality traits. You said her hairstyle was that of a lesbian's. Does Miley ACT like a lesbian? No.


Good to know that it's ok to put someone in the gay category based on stereotypical "character or personality traits" but not stereotypical appearance. Lmao at your your unwillingness (or is it inability?) to recognize your hypocrisy.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Wow, wait, what?
> 
> _This is insane! You judge someone and assume they are gay, just because of the way they look, talk, and act...
> 
> ...


I don't give a **** if he's gay!! I'm just not attracted to it. Actually he was attractive to me for many reasons including his personality. You don't know.

He told me exactly why women get turned off by him.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Double Indemnity said:


> Good to know that it's ok to put someone in the gay category based on stereotypical "character or personality traits" but not stereotypical appearance. Lmao at your your unwillingness (or is it inability?) to recognize your hypocrisy.


Well you didn't recognize your ignorance either. I guess we're even. And it's subjective I suppose. You think being gay has to do with appearance, I think it has to do with personality. Your comments about a hairstyle were ridiculous.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Oh, it's wonderful that in this current society, and especially on a social anxiety support forum, where many people are being bullied for their sexuality...

People jump to conclusions that A.) he's gay and hiding it, B.) he wants to be a woman, C.) he's gay, and wants to be a woman.

Oh yes. All you homophobes can all go to California, and protest for Proposition HATE. You can also eat Chick Fil-A, after all, those chickens died so that men like the OP is talking about wouldn't take it up the ***.

Oh, and if he _isn't_ gay, then you just stereotyped an entire CLASS of people! Do you feel proud?

I am not gay, but I am for gay rights. And as someone who everyone seems to assume is gay, but isn't, I am personally offended by this thread.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

Also being gay means you know being attracted to the same sex. Not all gay men act like that anyways.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Oh, and look up Jon Anderson, lead singer of Yes, on YouTube. When I first heard his speaking voice, not to mention his singing, I assumed he was gay...

*Until I learned that he has been married for 30 or so years, and has 11 children....

*Bottom line is, the OP can not be attracted to a feminine man, but that doesn't mean she has to jump to stereotypes that he's gay. That just makes you look ignorant. Your sexuality is based upon your sexuality, not your personality. And it is possible to share masculinity and feminine, and still be straight.


----------



## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> *Until I learned that he has been married for 30 or so years, and has 11 children....*


probably the most revolting thing i've read in this thread. thats way too many people to put on the planet


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Well **** it then. Let me edit myself. HE IS FEMININE AND I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO IT. There. That's my issue with this guy. I am as far from homophobic as one can get. I love gays. I'm fully aware of the fact that there are masculine gay males, and they don't fit in one category. I don't see why people are acting like closeted gays don't exist. I don't think it's wrong to come to that conclusion because there are men who live that way. It's not a rare thing, nor is it insulting to the gay community for me to make an assumption based on what was presented to me.

Also, I don't see why a straight man, who is comfortable with his sexuality, would want to exhibit any traits of a gay or effeminate male.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

What evidence? Did he say likes men?


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

meganmila said:


> What evidence? Did he say likes men?


Why would he, if he were a gay male trying to put on a front? That would blow his cover, if that was the case.


----------



## targetbuddy (Jul 31, 2012)

lyric said:


> Well **** it then. Let me edit myself. HE IS FEMININE AND I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO IT. There. That's my issue with this guy. I am as far from homophobic as one can get. I love gays. I'm fully aware of the fact that there are masculine gay males, and they don't fit in one category. I don't see why people are acting like closeted gays don't exist. I don't think it's wrong to come to that conclusion because there are men who live that way. It's not a rare thing, nor is it insulting to the gay community for me to make an assumption based on what was presented to me.
> 
> *Also, I don't see why a straight man, who is comfortable with his sexuality, would want to exhibit any traits of a gay or effeminate male.*


Maybe it's because he's comfortable with his sexuality, and isn't all that worried about how other people see him? Besides, maybe he doesn't CHOOSE to act like that. As you said, why would he? Maybe he's just always been like that, and he can't change it so he just accepts it for what it is.

EDIT: Lots of maybes, lol. I love playing devil's advocate.


----------



## meganmila (Jul 25, 2011)

So now you are assuming he's doing that?


Honestly I'm kind of poking fun at this..heh.


----------



## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

Feminine personality doesn't necessarily mean that he's gay. Although the chances are he is. Just saying though.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Actually, I like Madonna, Celine Dion, Twilight movies and books, and the Lifetime channel...

Look at my porn collection. All women, having sex. And I get turned off by naked men.

Just because a stereotype exists, doesn't mean that everyone fits the stereotype. This is what frustrates me about relationships, and why I don't go on dates; I get judged too easily for being me, when all I want to do is like what I like, and find a girl who likes it, too...what's so wrong about that?

Anyway, this is a change from the typical gender wars thread, because this is a war on a gender based on stereotypes that have never been stated before...this is a first on SAS, at least...


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

targetbuddy said:


> Maybe it's because he's comfortable with his sexuality, and isn't all that worried about how other people see him? Besides, maybe he doesn't CHOOSE to act like that. As you said, why would he? Maybe he's just always been like that, and he can't change it so he just accepts it for what it is.
> 
> EDIT: Lots of maybes, lol. I love playing devil's advocate.


I don't really know. Either way, the chemistry ain't there. There won't be a relationship. It's unfortunate because I totally want one right now. I guess we'll be franz.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Brad5 said:


> Feminine personality doesn't necessarily mean that he's gay. *Although the chances are he is.* Just saying though.


You're gonna be attacked now. :lol


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I am thankful that I don't need women, other than as friends. I have porn, and from experience porn is less judgmental, plus less costly, than going on mindless dates to try to find a girlfriend.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> I am thankful that I don't need women, other than as friends. I have porn, and from experience porn is less judgmental, plus less costly, than going on mindless dates to try to find a girlfriend.


Well you've got the same mentality as millions of other men have.


----------



## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

at least it didn't turn out to be a serial killer like Dexter


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

lyric said:


> Well you didn't recognize your ignorance either. I guess we're even. And it's subjective I suppose. You think being gay has to do with appearance, I think it has to do with personality. Your comments about a hairstyle were ridiculous.


Recognize my own ignorance? I can admit that I stereotype. My point in that thread was that (most) lesbians do indeed have a certain look. We can politely deny it all we want, but it doesn't change the fact. I think most people can instantly tell that I'm heterosexual and I'm ok with that. Humans are constantly gathering information and drawing conclusions based on a variety of factors. It's how our brains have learned to function.

And I don't think being gay has to do with appearance. That's absurd.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

MobiusX said:


> at least it didn't turn out to be a serial killer like Dexter


I gotta see what the fuss is about that show.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I love posting this


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry your date didn't go as well as you hoped.


----------



## targetbuddy (Jul 31, 2012)

Double Indemnity said:


> Recognize my own ignorance? I can admit that I stereotype. *My point in that thread was that (most) lesbians do indeed have a certain look. We can politely deny it all we want, but it doesn't change the fact.* I think most people can instantly tell that I'm heterosexual and I'm ok with that. Humans are constantly gathering information and drawing conclusions based on a variety of factors. It's how our brains have learned to function.
> 
> *And I don't think being gay has to do with appearance. That's absurd.*


Wait, wait, wait... what?

So, so being gay is different from... being... gay? I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SOMEBODY HELP ME.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

targetbuddy said:


> Wait, wait, wait... what?


:lol


----------



## Strwbrry (Jun 28, 2012)

You should tell him, in a not offending way of course.
He seems quite sensitive behind his biker helmet.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Strwbrry said:


> You should tell him, in a not offending way of course.
> He seems quite sensitive behind his biker helmet.


Yeah of course. I don't wanna be rude to him. He's a really nice guy.


----------



## Double Indemnity (Aug 15, 2011)

targetbuddy said:


> Wait, wait, wait... what?


The way Lyric phrased it was that I thought homosexuality was about how someone looked. It obviously has to so with one's sexuality. I recognize that gay folks come in different packages just as heteros do. What I refuse to deny is that there are certain traits that might tip a hand to a person's sexuality. I don't see this as a bad thing.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Well, yeah. If you look on OKCupid and do a search, maybe 10% of straight women have short hair but 30-50% of gay women have short hair.


----------



## papaSmurf (Jun 16, 2008)

R91 said:


> 1) You can't accurately gauge someone's sexuality from their mannerisms, the way they dress or talk, or what friends they have.
> 
> 2) Lyric isn't attracted to him, and that's fine. No one can fault someone for having a preference.


^Seconding this.


----------



## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> Actually, I like Madonna, Celine Dion, Twilight movies and books, and the Lifetime channel...
> 
> Look at my porn collection. All women, having sex. And I get turned off by naked men.
> 
> ...


Jesus christ a none gay dude who likes "twilight" and the tv channel that hates men The Lifetime network aka (my abusive/serial killer boyfriend who beat me and caused me to be an anorexic school teacher who was sexually abused by her father who then beat her mother who went to a an all girl's high school who was raped by the male volleyball coach) channel. who knew?


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

theseventhkey said:


> Jesus christ a none gay dude who likes "twilight" and the tv channel that hates men The Lifetime network aka (my abusive/serial killer boyfriend who beat me and caused me to be an anorexic school teacher who was sexually abused by her father who then beat her mother who went to a an all girl's high school who was raped by the male volleyball coach) channel. who knew?


:lol

Lifetime movies really do have the same "women are victims" formula. I'm a woman and I can't stand it.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This thread makes me feel good to be a manly man man.

I must leave now and destroy the hydra


----------



## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

at least it wasn't a woman hitting on you after you've repeatedly told her you don't swing that way :shock


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

mdiada said:


> at least it wasn't a woman hitting on you after you've repeatedly told her you don't swing that way :shock


I personally would love that. I love women.

Hey, you gotta be firm with this chick. How come she won't take a hint?


----------



## VanDamMan (Nov 2, 2009)

You must date this gay guy! Must Must Must.


----------



## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

lyric said:


> I personally would love that. I love women.
> 
> Hey, you gotta be firm with this chick. How come she won't take a hint?


hell if i know. we work together. well, she works on a different shift, but we see each other for about 30 minutes out of the day. and ever since i first said hi to her she's dropped not-so-subtle hints that she wants me. i think she legitimately does have mental issues, which i'm not one to judge. but still. she knows i'm not into women yet she thinks asking me repeatedly will change my mind. thankfully she hasn't done anything crazy -- yet -- but ugghhh, dude, no!


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

mdiada said:


> hell if i know. we work together. well, she works on a different shift, but we see each other for about 30 minutes out of the day. and ever since i first said hi to her she's dropped not-so-subtle hints that she wants me. i think she legitimately does have mental issues, which i'm not one to judge. but still. she knows i'm not into women yet she thinks asking me repeatedly will change my mind. thankfully she hasn't done anything crazy -- yet -- but ugghhh, dude, no!


You're definitely gonna have to talk to her and tell her to lay off. If worse comes to worse, you can always report sexual harassment. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point. You have to be really blunt with persistent people like that.


----------



## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I'd say wether the guy is gay or not is the secondary issue. the real issue here is that you are simply not attracted to him for whatever reason. it isn't your job to make him come out or admit anything. 

I once went on a date with a fella from POF who I assumed was probably gay, but I went out with him anyway because he had a great sense of humor, was easy to talk to, etc etc. I mean, he had the talk, a bit of the walk, and all that so I assumed.

Man, was I soooo wrong. he was a wolf, the most sexual, hit on anything in a skirt, knock em out drag em by the hair to the cave non-gay thing that was completely like the most non-gay thing that ever knuckle-dragged the earth. So, you just never know.

although, I can understand your frustration, feeling like you were made to waste your time, but that's part of dating - especially on a dating website. it's a big part of the nature of the beast. which may or may not include gay-ness. I guess. I got a couple of invites from transvestites. Certainly not boring, but just not what I'm into. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


----------



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

Asks girl on a date. Tells you he's not gay.


He's gay!


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

StevenGlansberg said:


> Asks girl on a date. Tells you he's not gay.
> 
> He's gay!


So, if I say I'm not Asian, does that mean I'm not white?

Not being racist, just pointing out the logical fallacy of your statement.


----------



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> So, if I say I'm not Asian, does that mean I'm not white?
> 
> Not being racist, just pointing out the logical fallacy of your statement.


what.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

StevenGlansberg said:


> what.


Just because someone assumes that you are gay, and you say you aren't, doesn't mean you are.

Stop judging, is what I'm trying to say. I've been trying to state that in this whole thread. It is shallow, judgmental, and misinformed.


----------



## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Just because someone assumes that you are gay, and you say you aren't, doesn't mean you are.
> 
> Stop judging, is what I'm trying to say. I've been trying to state that in this whole thread. It is shallow, judgmental, and misinformed.


I know I agree. I was make fun of the logic used to determine this guy's sexual preference.


----------



## applesauce5482 (Apr 26, 2012)

R91 said:


> 1) You can't accurately gauge someone's sexuality from their mannerisms, the way they dress or talk, or what friends they have. The only way to find out whether someone is gay is to ask them. If they say no, you drop it.


That's what I was thinking!

But I guess some people in this world are too prone to basing everything off of stereotypes.


----------



## unknown234 (Apr 16, 2012)

That guy most likely isn't even gay. The way someone talks or their mannerisms don't say much about their sexual orientation at all.

And chances are, he most likely isn't gay, since he's dating females.


----------



## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

komorikun said:


> I went on date once with a guy who had a gay accent....he said it was probably cause he used to work in theater.


I literally laughed out loud when I read that :lol


----------



## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

Its 2012 and you gotta be careful cuz its a lot of moist azz n****s.

I had to stab off in the popeyes line cuz it was a moist dude working there. Kept asking "do u won't some honey paaackets?" I'm like **** no and stabbed off.

**** is wrong with the world? Women look so good. Some of them so good id lap them up off the floor. Like ol girl at the student cen.... wait, I'm married though.

Good luck with the dating ****.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

^ That is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Women ARE delicious. And unobtainable, usually. 

I have nothing to add to this thread, other than that.


----------



## youngloc (Dec 23, 2009)

no offense lyric, but your assumption is just that an assumption. You have zero proof that he is gay or closet gay. Think of all the guys who been bullied and called gay just because of the way they act, yet they are as straight as an arrow.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

87wayz said:


> Its 2012 and you gotta be careful cuz its a lot of moist azz n****s.
> 
> I had to stab off in the popeyes line cuz it was a moist dude working there. Kept asking "do u won't some honey paaackets?" I'm like **** no and stabbed off.
> 
> ...


:lol Lawdy, lawdy.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

youngloc said:


> no offense lyric, but your assumption is just that an assumption. You have zero proof that he is gay or closet gay. Think of all the guys who been bullied and called gay just because of the way they act, yet they are as straight as an arrow.


Well, I can't take the chance.


----------



## youngloc (Dec 23, 2009)

lyric said:


> Well, I can't take the chance.


there is nothing wrong on not wanting to take the chance or not being attracted to those features, but there is something wrong in assuming that he is.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

youngloc said:


> there is nothing wrong on not wanting to take the chance or not being attracted to those features, but there is something wrong in assuming that he is.


There's a reason why people have Gaydar. That's all I can say.


----------



## Karuni (Jun 26, 2011)

I ACTUALLY dated a gay guy in high school. He was a super nerdy, awkward type. He didn't really fit the gay "stereotype". Unfortunately, thanks to society, he had to hide it for most of his life until he finally came out to everyone almost a year after we "broke up". It was shocking but it made sense. 
I blame myself for not having realized the possibility because of how awkward and bad the "chemistry" was (seriously self, what STRAIGHT male sideways hugs a girlfriend?), but I was so desperate and happy to have SOMEONE possibly interested I clung onto him until I couldn't take it anymore after 6 months. Kinda ironic a fake relationship lasted longer than most straight high school relationships...

But I agree with the others on that you really can't assume someone's sexual orientation just by their mannerisms/style of dress/etc. I'd love to have my six months of rollercoaster emotions back if all gay guys were so "obvious".


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

R91 said:


> I somewhat agree. My gaydar is pretty ****ing awesome but it does not _confirm_ that someone is gay, or someone is closeted-gay. Of course there have been instances where I have checked out someone and said to myself, 'She's definitely bi', and a year later, she comes out as bi, and there have been instances where I _feel_ like someone might be gay and that turns out to be accurate. But there have also been instances where I've had no idea a woman was bi/gay until there was sexytime. Having said that, even in those instances I can't assume someone's sexuality unless they explicitly tell me, because a lot of young adults experiment.
> 
> I think what people are trying to say (correct me if I'm wrong) is that it's okay you don't find him attractive or want to be with him. Personally, I like my men manly and my women womanly, and that's just my preference. I'm entitled to that and so are you. The only issue some people have taken with is your statement, "I had a date with a gay man" (although I know you corrected yourself later), without confirmation from the man himself.
> 
> ...


Never thought you were.

Thanks for the advice.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Maybe he wasn't interested in you so he put on a fake gay act to drive you away.


lyric said:


> Should I tell him the truth about why we had no chemistry?


Only if he asks.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Why would you want to fake being gay? I dont know why people cant just say what they feel instead of sugar coating things.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

scarpia said:


> Maybe he wasn't interested in you so he put on a fake gay act to drive you away.
> Only if he asks.


Yeah.....that's not it.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

lyric said:


> I see alot of people have reading comprehension issues. There are SEVERAL ways in which you can tell a man is gay. His movements and speech are two of them.


You have a lot to learn about men.

I am gay and you would be unable to determine by either my movements or speech.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Amocholes said:


> You have a lot to learn about men.
> 
> I am gay and you would be unable to determine by either my movements or speech.


Educate me then.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I agree with lyric.


----------



## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

lyric said:


> Educate me then.


Get out of the house and watch people. You will find that there are plenty of effeminate straight men as well as extremely butch gay men and everything in between.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Amocholes said:


> Get out of the house and watch people. You will find that there are plenty of effeminate straight men as well as extremely butch gay men and everything in between.


I've said earlier that I'm fully aware of the masculine gay male. I'm not familiar with, nor am I interested in feminine straight men. A man who is closeted is not going do obvious things when he's on a date with a female. He's not gonna check other guys out or whatever. I believe there are subtle signs to sexuality, and that's my opinion.


----------



## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

lyric said:


> He also said he had lots of female friends, which also struck me as odd.


Noted.

*grabs a megaphone* OK! Everyone gather around and listen up. Gather around. Could all the men move to the left side of the room and all the women move to the right? Now, unless you looking to have sex with the other gender you can't talk or go near them otherwise you're gay. Which is very wrong. Also, will all the women file into the kitchen and make sandwiches, us, men are hungary! And men, don't forget to beat your woman when she talk out of line.

:roll



ManOfFewWords said:


>


:haha:clap


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

lyric said:


> Yeah.....that's not it.


In any case - that's the kind of thing you are going to get on POF. How do you feel about creepy old geezers? Plenty of them on their too.

And come to think - I have female friends. And I go to the ballet. OMG OMG - I must be gay and I didn't even know it!!!


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

scarpia said:


> In any case - that's the kind of thing you are going to get on POF. How do you feel about creepy old geezers? Plenty of them on their too.
> 
> And come to think - I have female friends. And I go to the ballet. OMG OMG - I must be gay and I didn't even know it!!!


Your sarcasm is greatly appreciated. I don't see why people on here are so offended by someone using their gaydar.


----------



## DeniseAfterAll (Jul 28, 2012)

lyric said:


> I'm just not attracted to feminine qualities at all. Even if I knew he was totally straight, the way he acts would still be a turn-off. A woman wants to feel like she's with a MAN you know?


so.... you probably wouldn't date me, right? even if i wasn't wearing any make-up?


----------



## T-Bone (Oct 1, 2010)

lyric said:


> Your sarcasm is greatly appreciated. I don't see why people on here are so offended by someone using their gaydar.


Wow lyric, this is a hell of a little thread here. Can't believe i haven't seen it yet.
So what's the problem? Don't know if you should tell him you have nothing in common and call it quits? Well i think he knew that the minute you asked him if he was gay. Now that he knows you thought he was gay, i dunno if he would have interest either. I wouldn't.
Don't let people bring ya down about the stereotyping. Or your gaydar. I think people can have a gaydar too. Maybe he's a feminine bisexual who just acts girly as hell. Maybe he just denies being gay because he's not 100% gay. Or maybe you're gaydar is in need of serious calibration. Afterall, your bigotar is off too. I don't think my gaydar is working right either because there's a member of this forum i swear is homosexual and he keeps denying it. Maybe he's bi or i'm wrong altogether. Something seems off though.
Anyways, if you would like, i'll be your manly man, ok?


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

DeniseAfterAll said:


> so.... you probably wouldn't date me, right? even if i wasn't wearing any make-up?


I'll make an exception for you. :twisted


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

SomebodyWakeME said:


> Wow lyric, this is a hell of a little thread here. Can't believe i haven't seen it yet.
> So what's the problem? Don't know if you should tell him you have nothing in common and call it quits? Well i think he knew that the minute you asked him if he was gay. Now that he knows you thought he was gay, i dunno if he would have interest either. I wouldn't.
> Don't let people bring ya down about the stereotyping. Or your gaydar. I think people can have a gaydar too. Maybe he's a feminine bisexual who just acts girly as hell. Maybe he just denies being gay because he's not 100% gay. Or maybe you're gaydar is in need of serious calibration. *Afterall, your bigotar is off too.* I don't think my gaydar is working right either because there's a member of this forum i swear is homosexual and he keeps denying it. Maybe he's bi or i'm wrong altogether. Something seems off though.
> Anyways, if you would like, i'll be your manly man, ok?


:lol Indeed.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I find it ridiculous that people say "gaydar", as if they actually have any sense of who's actually gay and who's not.

There's a whole forum of involuntarily celibate males who rant and rave about being called gay, when they're obviously not.


----------



## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

I'm bi and I would say a lot of people can vaguely pick up on a little bit of it. I'd almost bet most of the people who are closest to me think I'm gay because my behavior and mannerisms aren't entirely super masculine. I don't do any of the stereotypical gay stuff But I'm vaguely feminine. 

I wouldn't lie to a woman about it though. If she didn't want to date a bi man I wouldn't try to make it happen.

There are a couple of possibilities...

1. The guy is straight and he's just a bit unusual. Hanging around women might just mean he likes women. If you hang around anyone long enough, you're likely to take on some of their mannerisms. 

2. He might be gay and closeted and looking for a "girlfriend" to serve as his "beard" as I think some people call it. Some girls might even like that kind of arrangement as long as the guy is honest about it with them. 

3. He could be bi and just doesn't tell people right off because he doesn't think they will accept it. Believe it or not, bisexual men sometimes take a lot of crap. We get accused a lot of being gay men who can't accept who we are. A lot of times women just don't want to get involved with a bi man. Which is understandable. But that would explain why a bi guy would try to hide it.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

lyric said:


> Your sarcasm is greatly appreciated. I don't see why people on here are so offended by someone using their gaydar.


 It's not completely sarcastic. The point is that you may be making guys on here self conscious - wondering if women think they are gay when they aren't. If a guy goes to the ballet and opera do you think he's gay?


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

PickleNose said:


> I'm bi and I would say a lot of people can vaguely pick up on a little bit of it. I'd almost bet most of the people who are closest to me think I'm gay because my behavior and mannerisms aren't entirely super masculine. I don't do any of the stereotypical gay stuff But I'm vaguely feminine.
> 
> I wouldn't lie to a woman about it though. If she didn't want to date a bi man I wouldn't try to make it happen.
> 
> ...


I appreciate the insightful advice.


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Tiny Tim was not gay.

Tiptoe through the window 
By the window, that is where I'll be 
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me

Oh, tiptoe from the garden 
By the garden of the willow tree 
And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray 
We'll keep the showers away 
And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight 
Will you pardon me? 
And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Maybe it's flowers you stray will be the showers of life 
And when I kiss you in the garden in the moonlight 
Will you pardon me and tiptoe through the tulips with me


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Crap - now I can't get that song out of my head.


----------



## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

So you all think if dude has a lisp, 2 broken wrists, rolls eyes, and says "giiirl" in an accentuated way, that that's not some gay ****?

That's some gay ****. Men don't arch their eyebrows around here.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

scarpia said:


> Crap - now I can't get that song out of my head.


LOL


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Hey giiiirrrllll.............*two finger snaps*.....................*winks*......................

Bring me some beer and a sandwich and cheetos while you're at it. Trying to watch a football game here!

*grunts*
*farts*
*swears loudly*


----------



## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

This thread... just wow...


----------



## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> Hey giiiirrrllll.............*two finger snaps*.....................*winks*......................
> 
> Bring me some beer and a sandwich and cheetos while you're at it. Trying to watch a football game here!
> 
> ...


Lmao.. Reminds me of that mad tv skit.


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

XxArmyofOnexX said:


> This thread... just wow...


Threads never turn out the way you want them to on here. :no


----------



## niacin (May 26, 2012)

Take it as a compliment that a gay man wanted to date you


----------



## dragongirl (Apr 6, 2011)

omg that sux sry 2 hear that happened :|


----------



## asw12345 (Aug 8, 2012)

niacin said:


> Take it as a compliment that a gay man wanted to date you


she must be fine then


----------



## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

asw12345 said:


> she must be fine then


She would give a paraplegic a boner.


----------



## asw12345 (Aug 8, 2012)

scarpia said:


> She would give a paraplegic a boner.


d*mn


----------



## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

scarpia said:


> She would give a paraplegic a boner.


Uhm. lol


----------



## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Men are becoming more effeminate all of the time, largely because of the single mother boom and destruction of the family unit caused by feminism. Perhaps he never had a male role model around and he learnt all his mannerisms from women.


----------



## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

I wonder if the reverse ever happens. Does a dude get bummed after dating a girl that appears to like him while at the same time has lesbian tendencies? :teeth


----------



## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

scarpia said:


> It's not completely sarcastic. The point is that you may be making guys on here self conscious - wondering if women think they are gay when they aren't. If a guy goes to the ballet and opera do you think he's gay?


You know,he's making a really good point! There was a really popular,long-term member here (he's left the site)-and he confided once to me that he felt he appeared effeminate - Might be more of an issue around here than you'd think.


----------



## sweetnesspink (Aug 23, 2012)

I find this thread quite offensive. Also there is a difference between camp behaviour and being gay. You can be camp and straight or gay without being gay. There is no such thing as a "gay accent".


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

First Date:
"Heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy! It's ssssssssoooooooo fantastic to see you! What I wouldn't GIVE to be as thin as you! OMG girl you are so freakin' beautiful I want to rub oil on you and call you my orgasm!"


just kidding


----------



## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

LOL


----------

