# Push everyone away...



## AB1994 (Jul 4, 2015)

Does anyone else push everyone away because they get a bit clingy? I feel like people push me away leave me behind but all I do is try to be a good friend is there any point trying anymore?


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## Mewzy (Jul 28, 2015)

I know it gets tiresome, but I truly believe there is always reason to keep trying. We can't meet good, long lasting friends if we stop trying. 

Sometimes people push the ones they love most away because they have trust issues. I used to push away anyone who became even moderately close to me because I was terrified of rejection and betrayal. It is something I will likely struggle with for many years, if not my whole life. However, in the last couple of years I have made some improvement.

My main reason for mentioning this is really just to tell you to try not to blame yourself. People might really care for you and just have their own issues they need to sort out. I'm not justifying the behavior at all, but just trying to throw in another perspective.


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## Slywire (Jul 28, 2015)

Hi. Some people feel uncomfortable around overly friendly people, other people like it. As a teenager I was very clingy and it hurt a few relationships but I never meant to come across that way, it was just how I was. Since then I've met people and some have been clingy to me but I like the feeling of someone wanting to be around me because my anxieties. 

All I will say is keep trying. You'll find friends that like you for you in time, don't try and change too much as you don't need to.


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## Ape (Sep 27, 2014)

I've burned every bridge I ever made. I am backed into a corner, with a cage around me. That is the life that I have made for myself, and it is a very hard life. It isn't worth all this misery, it truly isn't. If I had the means to, I would try and rebuild my social life, but I don't think I have it left in me. I'll probably die a hermit now. Ha, how pathetic that sounds.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

Doing it as we speak

and then I wonder why I don't really have anyone

I can't get the balance right of "good friend" I'm either distant and rubbish or needy/clingy and rubbish, and the needy/clingy attempts are very rare but when I have one its just embarrassing and I feel I need to break contact ..for everyone's sake


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Yes I push people away because I'm afraid once they get close..they'll see the real me..think I'm lame and get the hell on.


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> Yes I push people away because I'm afraid once they get close..they'll see the real me..think I'm lame and get the hell on.


But what if they like the real you? How else can you know


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

NerdlySquared said:


> But what if they like the real you? How else can you know


I feel like I give people the real me: The best side..and yah they like that side.people like someone they can feel comfortable with(no judgement) and someone that'll make them laugh...
but my flaws is what I keep hidden : No license,no job,no friends,never dated... They'll probably think I'm a weird loser...

Ivd only shared,the other side of me, with my current friend...and I'm gonna be no bullshxt honest, the only reason he's okay with my circumstances is BC he wants the P...once he transfer to a different campus...ill be an after thought.


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

AB1994 said:


> Does anyone else push everyone away because they get a bit clingy? I feel like people push me away leave me behind but all I do is try to be a good friend is there any point trying anymore?


Yes there is a point in trying  I'm sorry your friends haven't valued your effort that always sucks  You have every right to feel under appreciated and hurt. But didn't give up, there are people who can value that and aren't as judgemental or dismissive


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> I feel like I give people the real me: The best side..and yah they like that side.people like someone they can feel comfortable with(no judgement) and someone that'll make them laugh...
> but my flaws is what I keep hidden : No license,no job,no friends,never dated... They'll probably think I'm a weird loser...
> 
> Ivd only shared,the other side of me, with my current friend...and I'm gonna be no bullshxt honest, the only reason he's okay with my circumstances is BC he wants the P...once he transfer to a different campus...ill be an after thought.


Hehe, well long distance is tough and I can't speak for your friend's motivations but in that, just like friendships there is a leap of faith involved. For sure, sometimes people will rip out your heart, but if you hide behind that fear forever you'll never get close to anyone worth getting close to. Besides, what you listed there as flaws are not flaws, just circumstances. A flaw is something like the uncontrollable urge to steal your friends purse or something everytime you see them  You know something that could genuinely hurt trust.

You're also like the 5th person here I've seen to mention feeling self conscious about not having a licence, is this like a big status symbol where you live? Hehe I have a hard time picturing anybody putting any level of criticism on this


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## ronnie72 (Jun 3, 2014)

I push people away who have caused me hurt or have talked ill behind my back. I don't think it's healthy but that's just who I have become.


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

ronnie72 said:


> I push people away who have caused me hurt or have talked ill behind my back. I don't think it's healthy but that's just who I have become.


Why would anyone want to keep associating with people who cause them hurt and back talk them, imagine what that would do to you in the long run, probably the definition of unhealthy right there. You don't deserve that SA or not


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

NerdlySquared said:


> Hehe, well long distance is tough and I can't speak for your friend's motivations but in that, just like friendships there is a leap of faith involved. For sure, sometimes people will rip out your heart, but if you hide behind that fear forever you'll never get close to anyone worth getting close to. Besides, what you listed there as flaws are not flaws, just circumstances. A flaw is something like the uncontrollable urge to steal your friends purse or something everytime you see them  You know something that could genuinely hurt trust.
> 
> You're also like the 5th person here I've seen to mention feeling self conscious about not having a licence, is this like a big status symbol where you live? Hehe I have a hard time picturing anybody putting any level of criticism on this


I know, I really want to stop hiding and start living but I just..idk you'd have to be me, be in my shoes and then you'd understand why I feel the way I do. Being 23 and still living at home, in a hotel , no friends,not having a licence or job..people will think,... whats wrong w/ you? 
and being so different from regular people just stings, alot...
:crying:


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> I know, I really want to stop hiding and start living but I just..idk you'd have to be me, be in my shoes and then you'd understand why I feel the way I do. Being 23 and still living at home, in a hotel , no friends,not having a licence or job..people will think,... whats wrong w/ you?
> and being so different from regular people just stings, alot...
> :crying:


I'm not saying it's easy, far from it, I feel those fears too, it's always going to be harder for us to speak, to express and to meet people, and those nagging doubts are going to be 10 times louder for people like us. You are right, only you know what's truly right for you, walking in your shoes. I just mean when you do have that chance as rare as they come, try not to walk by it so quickly without considering the possibilities


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

NerdlySquared said:


> I'm not saying it's easy, far from it, I feel those fears too, it's always going to be harder for us to speak, to express and to meet people, and those nagging doubts are going to be 10 times louder for people like us. You are right, only you know what's truly right for you, walking in your shoes. I just mean when you do have that chance as rare as they come, try not to walk by it so quickly without considering the possibilities


True, its just so hard when you feel like sludge compared to normal people..... baaaaaaaaah I know Ive been on SAS too long when I get depressed lol

Gotta watch something funny .


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> True, its just so hard when you feel like sludge compared to normal people..... baaaaaaaaah I know Ive been on SAS too long when I get depressed lol
> 
> Gotta watch something funny .


Haha do eeeet  good for you


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## AB1994 (Jul 4, 2015)

Isn't it weird how when you distance yourself from people they want to get close but then when you want to get close to them they distant themselves from you....


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## Swagonite (Jun 24, 2014)

AB1994 said:


> Does anyone else push everyone away because they get a bit clingy? I feel like people push me away leave me behind but all I do is try to be a good friend is there any point trying anymore?


I've had this happen before its more a personality trait usually with very analytical minds I feel. You want to learn so much so fast and absorb as much information possible with a new friend you've made. As a result a few days have passed but it feels like you've been friends with them for much much longer and you instantly become clingy and wonder why they dont feel the same. Usually they are a simple creature that lives day to day.

In time you'll find the right kind of friends that appreciate your level of commitment. As long as you aren't being clingy in a negative aspect by constantly pestering them if their busy studying etc


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## lonerroom (May 16, 2015)

AB1994 said:


> Does anyone else push everyone away because they get a bit clingy? I feel like people push me away leave me behind but all I do is try to be a good friend is there any point trying anymore?


I can never keep a friend, they always leave me.


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

could be a hungry beggar or persistent street seller, or label the clinger a TV advert!!!
Long term friend to maintain things. Either could be a taker or giver. All between each other or to/from a particular person involved. My rejection (I don't do it. They do it to me) never has a reason. Improving life is about reasons. My main loss is having no rot cause reason. The controller / boss feels too fragile / vulnerable to reveal the cause for rejection: employer/girlfriend. Just back turned. If there was a beggar wanting coins or cigarette or food, I'd be driven to provide 'you're ugly & dirty!' which would motivate (if me in their situation) to use any means... jump in a river to clean up... nothing's easy. Leave clothes ashore... doesn't help wearing them again, or burning or trashing them... being in a Terminator scenario give me your boots, clothes... keys... asking a barber to do a free job to appeal to public, gathering more coins, to buy a suit and get interview


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## Robleye (Sep 26, 2012)

I do the same thing. I get really attached to people and open up my feelings way too quickly, I think it just makes them uncomfortable. Wish I knew how to control my emotions better :s


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

I don't push people away because I am too clingy. I push people away because I get paranoid. I feel they are going to dislike me soon or will leave me so I subconsciously do things that sabotage the relationship before any of those 2 things can happen.


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## samiisprink (Jul 27, 2015)

^^^^ literally my entire life


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## MaePa (Jul 1, 2015)

AllieG said:


> I don't push people away because I am too clingy. I push people away because I get paranoid. I feel they are going to dislike me soon or will leave me so I subconsciously do things that sabotage the relationship before any of those 2 things can happen.


Wow, I couldn't have explained it better, except that I think I was still clingy and possessive of the most recent friend I lost. We were always fine one on one, but the moment his other friends were introduced into the mix, I always felt inferior and was convinced he didn't care and I was just a charity case he kept around to look good or just because he pitied me. He claimed he cared and he liked having me around, but I was always paranoid and doubting, and all that brought our friendship to an end. Even now, I'm still fighting temptation to reach out to him because even if I miss him, it's not going to change anything.


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