# Do therapists ever actually say anything?



## Fanta can (Aug 13, 2011)

x


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

Come straight out and talk to him about it -If you need more (and I certainly would) -he might not be the therapist for you!


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## Lily of the Valley (Dec 30, 2012)

Eh, sometimes you've got to try a few before you find one you click with. Don't give up though. There are some really great therapists out there.


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## No more Elysium (Oct 13, 2012)

Sometimes I wish mine would stop talking . She has just graduated so is quite new to the job and I'm having years of experience, but still she feels that she needs to explain everything about every type of therapy in great detail. Don't dare to say anything about as she is really friendly.


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## The Lonely One (Jan 2, 2013)

He might just be trying to understand you more before saying anything, which can be frustrating, but I think has a lot of benefits. There's nothing worse than having some arrogant prick giving you advice based on a bunch of quack assumptions they've made about you. Also, sometimes therapy happens in two phases. Phase one is for airing out all the demons, so to speak. Phase two is for healing and learning new techniques on how to deal with life. 

As for diagnosis, some therapists don't believe in working with terms that label and possibly limit someone's healing process. The logic is that if someone is diagnosed as having a problem, that person might see this problem as being an intrinsic part of them rather than an issue that needs to be solved, and thus moving past it might be more difficult. 

Now, he might not be the throat you need, but if your sessions have been bringing you some comfort then that is good too. As someone else before me said, talk to him about your concerns. It's literally his job to help you, and I'm sure he'd want to hear if there was something else he could do to help. Best of luck.


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## The Lonely One (Jan 2, 2013)

Throat = therapist. Stupid auto-correct.


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## The Lonely One (Jan 2, 2013)

Throat = therapist. Stupid auto-correct.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

The mental health professionals I've seen have actually done most of the talking. But I'm a difficult patient and I tend to freeze up :roll so they have to take over and ask me questions.

I'm not sure if this differs with location, but I was under the impression that therapists and counsellors are more likely to take the silent listening approach whereas a psychologist will offer more of their own input. A counsellor/therapist is helpful if you just have some mild worries and you need someone to listen to you vent, but treating SA requires that you receive more assistance and advice.

If you like this guy and you're willing to stick with him, then try telling him what you need from him. At the beginning of your next session you could outright explain how you wish he'd offer more advice, or after you get something off your chest you can ask questions about it. "So what do you think of that? why do I feel that way? What can I do about this? How do I change this?" etc.


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## realitycheck001 (Jan 6, 2013)

*YES, some are knowledgeable enough to speak*

I'm old enough to not even want to state it here. I've been through a rash of therapists in to long to not ... (you get the gist). In the last months, in a new state, "we" interviewed two. One had 30 years experience and credentialed enough. The other had 15 yrs. The first was taken aback by our questions and appeared to answer from a script. The second intelligently said, "I feel like I'm being interviewed." We both concurred. She thought about our questions before providing an answer. We went to "door #2." She was an unknown. Hence, my reference to a door.

I now see her for individual (and couples). She's careful about how she words sentences. Once she gave her own straight-forward opinion based on what she heard me say and preceded it with an apology. There was no reason for the latter. Overall, she's there to guide and "correct" me with less of a right or wrong but rather a gentle correction or reality check. She's able to deal with my left brain and partially shut down right.

So, let me see if I can count how many therapists I've seen in my lifetime. I think I'm underestimating but probably 7. That makes me on my 8th and I'm not including the first interviewed woman. Perhaps my age, time, and knowledge (left brain processing and now allowing some right brain to slip in) has allowed this growth. She has been surprised at what I've been able to do in a couple or few short months and asked me how I did it. It's just having time to process and having the desire to move forward in life, albeit late in life.

Keep looking if you need to. Interview (what should the therapist you are paying be able to do for you). Give your current therapist a chance if your gut tells you to. 
*I had one who used to literally nod off during sessions. I thought it odd but didn't care at the time. Years later she's still practicing and has come a long way in her field and doing what appears to be great work. This is the same person who misdiagnosed me and broke patient-therapist confidentiality. As you mature, so do they (sometimes).

Good luck.


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## realitycheck001 (Jan 6, 2013)

kast said:


> The mental health professionals I've seen have actually done most of the talking. But I'm a difficult patient and I tend to freeze up :roll so they have to take over and ask me questions.


I was frozen but I'm rapidly defrosting. I know the feeling very well. Current therapist has asked, "What do we talk about now?" My response is often, "You tell me." She does. We have an exchange and it's no longer a one-way street. If it did not work this way, I'd be looking elsewhere again.


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## Sierpinski (Jun 17, 2012)

You have a psychodynamically trained therapist. He believes, on the basis of faith and tradition, that if you are encouraged to free associate, the associations between conscious thoughts and unconscious forbidden impulses will eventually lead to more conscious expression of the latter. This will lead to the verbalization of the repressed impulses and, subsequently, a more natural and healthy flow of energy through the central nervous system. There is no rational reason to believe that this works, but it is a time honored view. 

He will never change. Even after ten years, he will be doing exactly what he is doing now. You should run for the hills.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

I know what you mean I find this useless and annoying. I pay way too much money to have this psychiatrist ask me questions about my personal life and occasionally make a comment or tell a completely unrelated story that I care nothing about. Psychiatrists (this one at least) should be a 15 minute meeting just about meds.

I used to see a woman at my college who was a soon to be psychologist and she was actually really helpful and talked about the same amount I did, 50/50. We came up with theories and stuff and she really got into my head and let me know how my thinking stood in relation to the norm. I think my experience in this case is more what you are looking for. You should shop around and see if you can find someone better for you.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

Sierpinski said:


> You have a psychodynamically trained therapist. He believes, on the basis of faith and tradition, that if you are encouraged to free associate, the associations between conscious thoughts and unconscious forbidden impulses will eventually lead to more conscious expression of the latter. This will lead to the verbalization of the repressed impulses and, subsequently, a more natural and healthy flow of energy through the central nervous system. There is no rational reason to believe that this works, but it is a time honored view.
> 
> He will never change. Even after ten years, he will be doing exactly what he is doing now. You should run for the hills.


^ right, this is exactly how my psychiatrist operates too. Have you had success with it?


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## Fanta can (Aug 13, 2011)

x


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## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

My current therapist (psychologist) hardly ever says anything. And I literally mean that. I spend an hour (sometimes even an hour with how much I talk) saying everything. Usually after I'm done speaking about something, it's just an awkward pause which lasts anywhere from ~8-10 seconds. And then she speaks up and says something along the lines of, "You're right", or tries to combat my thinking with her CBT methods. I feel as if my parents are paying for an hourly session where I just talk about my entire life with no advice or help involved what so ever. I could do this with a close friend or on the internet for no charge. :roll

I have the same problem, though. There is no discussion going on with any of my sessions. Also my therapist, whenever she mentions something, it is usually involved with her own personal details and she tends to derail off from the topic and speak about her job. She never focuses on me. It's just a one-sided conversation with her responses being completely oblivious to the topic.

And with that said, I'm switching therapists ASAP, actually. I discussed it with my family earlier and they agree as well. I would suggest that you mention your concerns to your therapist and wish that there were more of a discussion currently going on, which is what I'm going to do with my next appointment. If nothing is solved, perhaps look for a new therapist? Sorry about your frustrations currently.


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## Sierpinski (Jun 17, 2012)

LowKey said:


> Yikes. Well I guess that would make sense because he seems to be very old fashioned. I'm no expert so it's not fair for me to say which methods work and don't work, but so far I don't feel like I've gotten anything out of this, and I just keep waiting for him to tell me what exactly I'm dealing with here and what I need to do.


It is pseudoscience, based on the view that neurosis is the unnatural flow of energies through the nervous system. The only way the flows can be properly aligned is if the change comes from within. So your therapist will, as a matter of principle, never explain anything.


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## Sierpinski (Jun 17, 2012)

It is very likely that your therapist is into something like this: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodynamics]

Here is a relevant passage:

"In psychodynamic psychotherapy, patients become increasingly aware of dynamic conflicts and tensions that are manifesting as a symptom or challenge in their lives. Together with the clinician, patients are assisted to bring conflicting aspects of their self into awareness, and through time, begin to integrate the conflicting parts and resolve aspects of the tension. This is talked about in different ways in each of the psycho dynamic psychological theories, but all share the common goal of attempting to describe the dynamic nature of the tension between conflicting parts, assist the client in coming to terms with the tension, and begin the process of integration and healing."

The therapist thinks that by asking the right questions and reflecting back what you say, inner energies will realign, possibly after years of such "work." Total bunk. There is simply no science to support it.


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## Bryan II (Dec 9, 2012)

Sierpinski said:


> You have a psychodynamically trained therapist. He believes, on the basis of faith and tradition, that if you are encouraged to free associate, the associations between conscious thoughts and unconscious forbidden impulses will eventually lead to more conscious expression of the latter. This will lead to the verbalization of the repressed impulses and, subsequently, a more natural and healthy flow of energy through the central nervous system. There is no rational reason to believe that this works, but it is a time honored view.
> 
> He will never change. Even after ten years, he will be doing exactly what he is doing now. You should run for the hills.


that is not what psychodynamic therapy is, at all. and most therapists are trained to do all kinds of therapy, psychodynamic, cbt, dbt, ipt family systems, etc. only an idiot would focus on psychodynamic theories and use those exclusively. its not the 1930s anymore, and most counselors are far from idiots.


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## Sierpinski (Jun 17, 2012)

Bryan II said:


> that is not what psychodynamic therapy is, at all. and most therapists are trained to do all kinds of therapy, psychodynamic, cbt, dbt, ipt family systems, etc. only an idiot would focus on psychodynamic theories and use those exclusively. its not the 1930s anymore, and most counselors are far from idiots.


I am afraid that is precisely what it is. Freud hoped to make psychology a branch of the field of dynamics studied in physics. He also wanted to connect psychology with biology, on the assumption that our inner energies are largely biologically innate. Just read his book The Ego and the Id, and many other books by Freud. In principle, this is not necessarily a bad idea. There is a current in contemporary cognitive science known as dynamicism which attempts to do something similar. But Freud's mistake was to rush to conclusions about therapy on the basis of dynamicist notions which were hopelessly sketchy over a century ago. Even today, dynamicist notions are too sketchy to be the basis for therapy. A therapist who consistently avoids saying anything substantive and who, when s/he does talk, only reflects back what the client says, is very likely coming from a strongly psychodynamic background. Having the client come in more than once a week is another indicator.


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## ricymardona (Dec 17, 2012)

The mental health professionals I've seen have actually done most of the talking. If your therapists talk less then you should start asking him question and i am sure he will definitely reply to your queries.


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## Bryan II (Dec 9, 2012)

Sierpinski said:


> I am afraid that is precisely what it is. Freud hoped to make psychology a branch of the field of dynamics studied in physics. He also wanted to connect psychology with biology, on the assumption that our inner energies are largely biologically innate. Just read his book The Ego and the Id, and many other books by Freud. In principle, this is not necessarily a bad idea. There is a current in contemporary cognitive science known as dynamicism which attempts to do something similar. But Freud's mistake was to rush to conclusions about therapy on the basis of dynamicist notions which were hopelessly sketchy over a century ago. Even today, dynamicist notions are too sketchy to be the basis for therapy. A therapist who consistently avoids saying anything substantive and who, when s/he does talk, only reflects back what the client says, is very likely coming from a strongly psychodynamic background. Having the client come in more than once a week is another indicator.


actually, no it's not. yes... it is very easy to pick on freud. but you are oversimplifying his ideas, and unaware of the fact that there's a lot more to psychodynamic theory than freud. like the neo-freudians (people who disagreed with freud) and the object relations school.

i don't really want to debate about this. i just want to say, don't dismiss something before you understand it. you are taking a bunch of stereotypes and un-educated guesses and calling it 'psychodynamic therapy'. but it's a lot more complicated than you think.

question: don't you think there are conflicts between the basic, primitive parts of our minds, and the civilized, moral parts of our minds? don't you believe that what happens to us when we are children has a strong influence on us for the rest of our lives? don't you believe that people want to feel like their lives have a purpose, and that people like to feel powerful? if you answer yes, then you believe in some psychodynamic theories yourself.


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## shyshisho (Apr 19, 2009)

My therapist was painfully forthright about my weaknesses. I can't blame him for wanting to give me a dose of reality but it scared me off. This just to say that different therapists have different styles so you might need to shop around a bit.


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## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

Annoyingly no. Mine did not say a damn thing. I was shocked. So I just asked for books they recommended and read them.


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## violetta (Jan 14, 2012)

The Lonely One said:


> He might just be trying to understand you more before saying anything, which can be frustrating, but I think has a lot of benefits. There's nothing worse than having some arrogant prick giving you advice based on a bunch of quack assumptions they've made about you. Also, sometimes therapy happens in two phases. Phase one is for airing out all the demons, so to speak. Phase two is for healing and learning new techniques on how to deal with life.


THISSSS. My therapist is like this and I hate it. Not sure why I'm still seeing him,actually. It's like wants to encourage some kind of transference in me, too. Which I find.....odd.

He was making assumptions about me/my life in session 4, he challenges me over stupid things like my choice of words (if they're not technically very accurate) and chastises me for my mistakes. Also condescending because of my age and has absolutely no respect for me.
Also said I make him feel anxious.


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## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

Not mine.


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## cafune (Jan 11, 2011)

Yeah, my therapist/counselor didn't provide any new insights or remarks. It felt useless because if I wanted to rant about my problems, I'd just post on here instead. Anyway, I told her I would like to be taught alternate ways of thinking and how to challenge my anxious/negative thoughts but she told me she doesn't offer that sort of therapy, which was disappointing. If everything goes as planned, I'll have a new therapist (qualified psychiatrist) in a few months that specializes in CT where there will hopefully be more interactions/discussions.

Oh, if you're thinking of getting a new therapist, my old psychiatrist suggested I look for a new one on the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. It sounded promising. They have people in many different countries.

An excerpt from their site:

Cognitive Therapy is a focused, problem-solving psychotherapy that has been shown in over 400 outcome studies to be highly effective for the treatment of many mental health problems such as depression, general anxiety disorders, panic, anger and marital distress. It has also been shown to be effective in the treatment of medical conditions such as chronic pain, hypertension, and fibromyalgia. 
The therapist and client work together as a team to identify and solve problems, and therapists help clients to overcome their difficulties through changing their thinking, behavior, and emotional response.

Time Magazine (01/20/03) has stated that Cognitive Therapy is "...quick, practical, goal oriented." It involves three primary activities: a) Education, b) Skill Building, and c) Problem Solving. During treatment, the client actively applies strategies learned to the problems which brought them to therapy. If indicated, Cognitive Therapy is also compatible with the use of prescribed medication.


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## zenzui (Aug 29, 2010)

I've only just started seeing a therapist, and so far only had 1 session with him. All he seems to respond with is "hmm" or "interesting" after everything I say. Gets kinda annoying, I'd at least like some feedback or some advice after just pouring my heart out to a stranger and opening up to them (which is rare & extremely difficult for me). Feels like they don't really care or aren't listening to what you're saying, and are judging you just like everyone else. I can't shake the idea that they're just doing a job so they don't really care about what your telling them. At one point, he asked me to copy down a diagram he drew on a whiteboard, showing how negative thoughts trigger other things, and he just sat there looking bored like he was thinking "wonder what I'll have for dinner tonight..." or something. Ah I dunno maybe it's just me being paranoid.


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## Green Eyes (Sep 6, 2009)

Most of the therapist I had didn't say much. They wanted my to do the talk, but talking was so hard for me because of my sa. They didn't gave me good tips or something when I did tell them something that was important to me. And they also didn't asked about how something is that I talked about in the session before. I really don't like those therapists.
The one I have now is really good. In the beginning I was really scared and didn't say much, but she didn't let it fall silent for hours. Every session she asked how it is with the things we talked about last time. She sometimes even asked about things I told her months ago because she wants to know how that us now. And she gives really good tips for things I find hard. She even gave some mindfulness exercises that could help me.


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## Royals (Jul 20, 2012)

Being in the counselling or therapy business is actually really rewarding, mostly financiallly, because you get paid for doing a whole lotta nothing basically. They are never ever going to know or fully understanding what is in your brain or what/how you think. They can guess or come with suggestions. But only you, yourself know best how to conquer your problems and fears, because you know yourself the best


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## Bohuw (Feb 1, 2013)

LowKey said:


> I've never seen any type of therapist until very recently, and after a few sessions, it seems like the therapist only utters a couple sentences in the entire span of an hour. This is normal, right? I understand they're supposed to be helping us figure out our own problems and dealing with them ourselves, but is he going to actually give me some advice or a diagnosis at any point? He's a nice guy and it feels good to get things off my chest, but my anxiety has some really strange symptoms that frustrate and worry me. I'd like to better understand them and possibly learn some methods of coping, but he barely talks at all.
> 
> He's an older gentleman that mostly just sits there and stares, and he has an extremely expressive face, so sometimes the combination of awkward silences and goofy facial expressions makes it really hard not to just start laughing. I feel like there should be more discussion going on.


In my experience, Psychiatrists write more prescriptions than say words. A psychologist does more talking. My therapist now talks a lot with me, he's a young guy so it feels like im just having a chat with my older brother which is really good. He also emails me outside of sessions to check how im doing and to make sure im completing the goals we set.

Therapy has to be a partnership if it's going to help. A therapist isnt supposed to only lend an ear, although many just do. It took me over 6 psychologist, psychiatrists and even a hypnotherapist to find this guy.


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## Warpedsanity (Sep 12, 2011)

I was barely able to build up the courage to call today, hoping my first appointment isn't too bad or they are mostly silent. First time going..pretty nervous even if its not until the 2nd, I'm terrible at communicating about my emotions and such >.<


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## BonnieG2010 (Mar 20, 2013)

You know there are LOTS and LOTS of therapies and therapists. If your need is to understand and you want to listen to explanations, why don't you try transactional analysis? I did that and it was HUGE change compared to the previous therapists and i liked it so much better. She really helped me understand a lot of things. I'm very grateful to her.


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## EAW (Apr 9, 2013)

i just had a therapy session today where i refused to speak very much, because i wanted to test the theory "do therapists actually ever say anything?" i'm getting disappointed that after 4 months, i've been told about 3 helpful things (1. practice mindfulness/breathing every day, 2. don't fight fear, embrace it and 3. your thoughts are not truth/reality). other than that i'm getting nothing, so today i just sat playing with my shirt and the therapist watched me silently a long, long time, and finally said, "you seem sad" and i said, "i live in fear" and she asked if i live in fear or fear lives in me, which i'm not sure i understand, but really had nothing helpful to say, and so we spent 50 minutes mostly in silence. lately i've been putting questions to her, "can you help me with my pre-conceived ideas about people?" and such, to try to force some helpful answers. she said, "we're all human." that was the answer i already know - i was a psych major. i don't think this is how CBT should work - is it? and gee, i kind of want that job - just listen to people talk about things and give a few rehearsed lines in response. (also, i'm really tired of the focus on the childhood- i had a great childhood, why do people try to find demons in my past that aren't there?) ~eaw (i just signed up on this forum today)


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