# Find ur mojo



## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...One thing occurs to me that during times when I've had a 'creative edge', I've often managed to bring anxiety into submission.

What I mean by 'creative edge' is not necessarily doing a lot of painting and sketching, but more like an overall approach to everything I do in general. 

For example, today I played the piano again (which, although I don't do often, I do sometimes) and I was inspired to pay greater attention to the "Crescendo", "Rall." marks, which are instructions on the music piece to play either louder, slower, etc...
Normally I ignore these a bit and just go through the piece of music.

Anyhow, my point is, that I think Self Expression has something to do with Social Anxiety. And that when I am able or willing to express my self and let 'a part of myself' go into things that I do, I find that whatever emotional build-up of tension that is behind anxiety, gets lowered. And I wonder whether, to some extent, it is a question of getting out my emotions and expressing my self, versus having them churn-up within me and make me nervous and tense.

So, there is one useful observation that I have made about my experience of anxiety and creativity.


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## Formerly Artie (Jun 26, 2007)

I really like the way you express yourself Ruby. I consider you to be quite the avant-garde, and being labeled the "artist", I suppose I can see that better than most.









I agree that a lot of people are able to channel their pent-up anxiety or frustration into something creative, which is where I believe a lot of famous musicians get their creative spark from, and not coincidentally, why many die prematurely as a result of their drug-use and being so miserable on the inside, even if they try to hide it publicly (eg, Hendrix, Morrison, Cobain). Which reminds me, why do a lot of these musicians seem to die at 27?

I'm not saying that's your way of life by any means, but self-expression and social anxiety can definitely go hand-in-hand. For some reason, whenever I think of internal pain and madness, Edvard Munch's The Scream always comes to mind. Either that, or The Fall of the House of Usher. I guess because that's how I honestly feel on the inside.

If my SA was just moderate and not severe, and everything else in my life was at least tolerable at best, I could see myself getting back into the things I enjoy doing. Unfortunately, as it currently stands, I can only take things day-by-day for right now.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

...I actually just joined-up an internet art forum. I'm looking round for some life drawing classes and stumbled upon this forum for artists in my region. 
It has some pretty cool advice for artists and also some info or links for competitions.

I figure that I need to push my self just a little bit more. Being creative has to be a spontaneous natural thing that comes from the heart or the soul; but I also think that a discipline, a practise, can help bring this out in a person as well. (And I notice that I was much more creative when I was a school girl and went to classes regularly). 

Other than this, however, I think that there is 'doing' art and there is 'being' artistic; and it's the latter that I think is where it's all at really. 

Like a person can make Being creative their way of life and not just something that they Do. ...I guess that it is sort of an attitude, more than anything else.

Anyhow, I wanna keep getting in 'the zone' and go with my imaginative inner sort of world, and also just follow my inspiration for everything ...I really think that it helps me a lot.

I also think that I was more in tune with my self when I was younger. As I've gotten older I got more cautious and I don't think that I have been trusting my emotions and 'my soul' I suppose. And I think I was smarter when I was younger and just went with it.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

Ruby,

If doing art seems like a chore, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I like what you said about being artistic vs. doing art. It would seem too rigid if someone said the only way one can be artistic is to put out "x" number of artistic works per week/month. Putting too much pressure on producing art could really take the mojo out of the spontaneous and natural experience that artful expression usually is.


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## smiles (Nov 13, 2006)

RubyTuesday said:


> Other than this, however, I think that there is 'doing' art and there is 'being' artistic; and it's the latter that I think is where it's all at really.
> 
> *Like a person can make Being creative their way of life and not just something that they Do. ...I guess that it is sort of an attitude, more than anything else.*


This reminds me of an audio podcast I heard recently titled "Creative Self-Expression". Its about meeting your material needs, developing your skills and talents, Being joyous and contributing back to society through Creative Self Expression. It is a little offtopic but you may find it helpful. Here is the LINK.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Thanks for the link, Smiles.
And thanks for the encouragement, Ardrum.

I actually started a new charchoal sketch last night. I'm drawing some female black entertainer (who I haven't heard of) and whose face has a lot of character. And although I have made few marks overall on the page, they are good ones. 

I used to be able to 'get in the zone' more easily before, but have gradually become too rigid and something of a perfectionist. 
But last night I could feel my self 'in the zone' somewhat, and my work was something joyful and spontaneous -more about an appreciation for what I was drawing and everything in general, than a concern about making it look accurate.

...it's so much better that way. 

A famous lecherous drunken writer (of whom a film starring Matt Dillon was made of recently) told a story once of being asked by someone how it was that a person could become a writer, and just what exactly did he have to do. The writer's response to the question was that 'you're a writer if you have to write' and something along the lines of not caring about success or rewards.

...Ardrum, it's again one of those "be in the moment" things. And they say that art has to be about coming to the moment and not being concerned with outcomes or worried about mistakes. ..And I guess that they call it "the zone" because when a person can inhabit this highly creative mental space, they are functioning at their best.

One other slighlt off topic thing I wanted to say was that, with those Jung personality tests about introversion vs extroversion, feeling versus intuition etc ...I remember getting the result that I was introverted more than extroverted by a very very small degree. 

I wonder about that, and what part it plays in my anxiety.
..almost like I could make the estimate that although I am introverted, that I also have a strong need to express my self; and that this involves a degree of emotional conflict.
....I've noticed in other ways, that self expression lowers my anxiety; for example, often I can be tense and anxious in a social situation, but once I speak I often find that the tension is lowered.

So expressing my self is pretty helpful for balancing my emotional state.


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## ardrum (May 13, 2007)

I think I can relate to that "in the zone" feeling when I was heavily into nature photography last summer (2006). I would experience moments in which I was walking around as if my eyes were a camera lens. I'd look around, and it was like imaginary rectangles would move around my vision, imagining potential photos. Maybe I'll post some of my favorite photos I took here sometime.

EDIT to add: My avatar is one I took of my cat.


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## smiles (Nov 13, 2006)

INFP represent! :lol



RubyTuesday said:


> I wonder about that, and what part it plays in my anxiety.
> ..almost like I could make the estimate that although I am introverted, that I also have a strong need to express my self; and that this involves a degree of emotional conflict.
> ....I've noticed in other ways, that self expression lowers my anxiety; for example, often I can be tense and anxious in a social situation, but once I speak I often find that the tension is lowered.
> 
> So expressing my self is pretty helpful for balancing my emotional state.


I don't think the need for self-expression has a conflict with introversion. I think the conflict in our case is with social anxiety. Introverts who don't have SA prefer to work alone because working with people is draining and maybe because they can access creative energy easily. Extroverts gain energy by being around people. 

I agree with you about the perfectionist attitude. INFPs _are_ perfectionists! I know I am. It was worse before- I wouldn't even start something because I had to be perfect from the beginning. Its not so bad now... I just try to do it as I go along.

As for developing my talents I am just getting started.


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I tend to have a love-hate thing as far as being with people is concerned, though. I love and loathe the stimulation I get from them.

I view it in the same way in which I viewed my earlier conflict with my sexuality -whereby I had conflicting feelings; one side was 'feminine' and the other was 'masculine' concerning how I wanted to have relationships. Whilst I was highly feminine in my inclination, by which I mean that I had a strong preference for monogamy and commitment, I also however had repressed masculine feelings, by which I mean that I had a strong attraction towards sex for the sake of it.

Introversion can be seen as the 'feminine' side and extroversion the 'masculine' as relates to social anxiety. A person could be fairly 'feminine' (introverted) but still have a stable balance with the other aspect of themselves. But a person who is off balance and is largely just one way, will feel the pull to be the other way as well. 

..that's my -albeit, vague- theory about things.

...Good luck with developing your talents!


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

I just wanted to say something further....

These last few days that I've been _being creative_ have been really great. My anxious energy has mellowed and I see things with a better and less distorted perspective.

It is like it is restoring a bettter sense of balance and calm to my emotions.

I'm pretty happy, actually.


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