# Missing out on the 'university experience'



## The Blank (Oct 2, 2014)

I started university a few years later than most after dropping out of my first course. This time around I wanted things to be different. I wanted to make 'friends for life' and experience new things. I'm in the latter years now and none of that has happened, I just commute in and go home like I always did. I'm starting to feel like the whole thing has been a missed opportunity and it's a terrible feeling. I've worked my socks off academically but in spite of my grades I feel very unfulfilled and lonely. *Sigh*. Can anyone relate to this or does the university experience simply not exist for most people?


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## tonyhd71 (Jul 27, 2014)

Even normal people can't get the university experience by commuting, you need to dorm at the school you go to to get a true, university experience.

I feel the same way you do, I really want to give forming a try because at the end of the day I have nothing to lose. I don't have friends as is, so if I don't make any friends by dorming than at least I put myself out there and tried.


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## InfiniteBlaze (Jan 27, 2011)

Here's the thing: commuting or not, only attractive non-SA people will have a good time in college. Don't buy into the hype. You're not missing out on anything living on campus because if you have SA you'll go to class and go to your dorm. People on this site who have lived on campus have miserable experiences. Look at 9090's threads.


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## james10203 (May 28, 2013)

Yes I feel exactly the same! The difference with me is I think I started Uni TOO EARLY. I have gone straight from high school to college to Uni, no gap years, no resitting years or exams because I failed anything. I will be 21 in a few months and I am in my final year of study. The worst thing is I still look like I just walked out of high school so its hard to be social, make friends and meet girls when you are surrounded by people who look more mature and are like double the size/height of you.

I was really shy up to my late teen years so I wasted away the first year and half of Uni. This was the best time to be out partying etc because of easier work load and I will never get it back. 

I am trying now to make up for it by forcing myself to go out as much as I can but its so hard to make the time being in the final year with all my heavy work load. As others have said to get the 'true' social experience you need to live on campus (I commute from home) but the point about it only being for the non anti-social is also true. 

If I could start again now on a brand new course (it really doesn't help also that what I am studying is heavily male dominated) I would move to another Uni where I could live on campus and spend all my time being social now that I am slightly more confident. 

It makes me feel sick just thinking about all the wasted opportunities. Let this be a lesson to all those just starting out at uni...


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## randominternetguy (Oct 5, 2014)

Yeah the only way to get the university experience is to have roommates who are also in university. Their the ones who will invite you out to meet new people so even if you don't get along with your roommates you may meet some of their friends who you have more in common with. Living off campus with SA will be really hard as you're in a comfort zone but roommates will put you out of that comfort zone I think that's really the only way to get out there and get the experience.


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## keithjm (Apr 25, 2014)

If you ever get the chance to watch the move "Sterile Cuckoo", watch it. It is a great movie about a girl who tries everything to get a guy to like her. He accepts her, at first, because she is the only one interested in him. However, as he gains better social awareness, he decides that she is keeping him out of the other social aspects of life. He decides to leave her so he can have a life. She begs and I mean begs to be with him and be part of her socially isolated world. He refuses. Movie was nominated for two Oscars in 1969. Check it out on YouTUbe.


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## keithjm (Apr 25, 2014)

For me, the worst possible situation was to start at community college and then transfer to university. In both cases, everyone had friends before I even showed up. Community college students had friends from high school. When I transferred to university, everyone seamed to have friends for their freshman year. So no Freshman will make friends with transfer Junior student and no Junior will either since they had friends their since their freshman year. Worst of all worlds. What made it worse how the dorm mates made fun of me.


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## keithjm (Apr 25, 2014)

Problem is almost no one will want to be your friend if you do not become part of their social scene. Trying to convince someone to be part of your isolated scene will get no one.


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## skys (Mar 14, 2014)

I live on campus and I'm still missing out on the 'university experience.' It's not the single determining factor but I guess it helps a little bit, depending on the person. Just very hard to make good friends starting out with none. I even feel like everyone living off campus has it better than I do.


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## ShadowUser18 (Jul 25, 2013)

@The Blank: Sounds exactly like what I'm going through. I just transferred to a university this semester and so far it's been a bit lonely for me, since everyone around me already has their own group of friends. Also since I'm usually older than most of my classmates, I feel like I don't really relate with them at all. I'm already looking forward for winter break.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

It helps that almost everyone at my school commutes. Although, I have not made any friends because of my social anxiety. I just go to class and go home. I get good grades, but that's meaningless without friends to brag about it to.


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## keithjm (Apr 25, 2014)

Commuter schools suck. Making new friends just does not happen. On campus, you have a chance.


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## randominternetguy (Oct 5, 2014)

If you're finding it hard to make friends, I guarantee that the best way to do it if you are not living with a group of people is to ask people in class if they want to start a study group. Friendships have to start and build from somewhere it's not just going to magically happen and the more time you spend with someone the more you will like them. Studying kind of forces you to spend time with people as does living with them. Then from the study groups maybe you can branch out into going to social events with people in the group like a movie or a party etc.


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## plarp (Sep 29, 2014)

Yea.. i would say a good 90% of all college students are unsatisfied with some element of their college experience. I commute also and its the same deal.

The only way to get what you want out of college is joining a fraternity. But is that worth the cost?


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## the hardest part (May 11, 2015)

The Blank said:


> I started university a few years later than most after dropping out of my first course. This time around I wanted things to be different. I wanted to make 'friends for life' and experience new things. I'm in the latter years now and none of that has happened, I just commute in and go home like I always did. I'm starting to feel like the whole thing has been a missed opportunity and it's a terrible feeling. I've worked my socks off academically but in spite of my grades I feel very unfulfilled and lonely. *Sigh*. Can anyone relate to this or does the university experience simply not exist for most people?


Well this was me last year and I'm due to finish now in a couple of weeks. It has been a rubbish experience, so much so I'm thinking of dropping out and repeating my final year away from home. Crazy but I feel like I will regret it if i dont.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Screw Uni. The entire "college experience" is such a load of BS. It only applies if you're a privileged upper middle class good looking person.


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## allthatsparkles (Mar 1, 2013)

InfiniteBlaze said:


> Here's the thing: commuting or not, only attractive non-SA people will have a good time in college. Don't buy into the hype. You're not missing out on anything living on campus because if you have SA you'll go to class and go to your dorm. People on this site who have lived on campus have miserable experiences. Look at 9090's threads.


This is not entirely true. I was rather introverted at first in college and living in a dorm helped immensely, because most of the time, when you have enough exposure to certain people, friendships naturally form -- the most common example of this being roommates. My freshman roommate became a good friend and introduced me to more people.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

It was hard for me to make friends at university due to the cliquey environment. It was basically high school 2.0. My only other choice was making friends elsewhere like at coffee shops near universal studios where I met tourists and immigrants.


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## skysan (Jun 23, 2015)

same, i joined uni thinking I will find friends, have fun, change my life. 4 years later and I was unable to force myself to go out once. I lived outside the city, so I had made that as an excuse for myself.


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