# Is being single really that bad



## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

And should I feel really bad that I've been single for 3+ years? I was browsing IMDb today, and I came across a headline that said "Jennifer Love Hewitt OK With Being Single." She's_ OK_ with it...like it's some form of embarrassing social leprosy. "Yeah I'm still single, but I've been doing better ever since couples stopped throwing midgets at me in public while screaming 'UNCLEAN!' [Note: actual quote may be somewhat different].

You know, I just started to come to terms with the fact that I may be single for a long time, and I started to think about all the things I could do on my own. But apparently that's not OK. Is not being in a relationship for extended periods really a bad thing?


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Everyone is different. I have a suspicion that she feels 'ok' with being single because she can be un-single at any given moment lol. Let the truth be told—I'd probably be saying the same thing! Seriously now, if you got options the world is a lovely place!


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

Being single has its advantages, but i'd rather be in a relationship. Life just seems a little less boring that way.


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## AlwaysOnTheOutside (Jan 11, 2010)

I'd prefer to be a player than tied down in a relationship at this point. Unfortunately, I'm neither.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

The term _loner_ really is foreign to a lot of people. They just can't wrap their heads the thought of anyone being alone, and being okay with it. Just as others (myself included) couldn't fathom the thought of being with someone 24-7.

I like being single during the week, it's the weekends that are kinda tough sometimes.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

The difference is, Jennifer Love Hewitt is single through choice.

The vast majority of us singletons on here have no choice.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Having no dating experience, I have no reference point, but I'm sure being single has it's advantages in the form of saved money and not having to compromise.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

Hmmm...

Advantages to being single:

* You learn a lot more things that maybe your SO would have done. For example, being a woman, I've learned quite a bit about car repair and fixing things around the house.

* No one to answer to when it comes to your whereabouts. 

* No birthday, anniversary, Valentine's day (is my gift good enough?) stress. 

* Plenty of "me time," lol! 

* No dealing with SO's family.

* No one messing with your stuff.


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## bowlingpins (Oct 18, 2008)

No, it is not bad at all. I love being single, the independence and freedom to make your own choices is great. I could relocate to another city without much trouble. This would be difficult with an s.o. and nearly impossible with a family.

A couple things that I guess are positives of being in a relationship are -
Increased confidence, feeling more secure, having a sense of normalcy.
Relationships help build a person's character too. 

So there are pros and cons to relationships.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

After seeing all the stress my friends got from relationships...being single seems pretty darn good to me.


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

Not in the short term, but after a while it starts to upset and depress you.


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## thatoddquietgirl (May 3, 2010)

I love being single. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. don't worry too much about it. there are PLENTY of people out there who are single... and it is nothing to be ashamed of.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

Nothing wrong with being single.


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## melissa75 (Feb 16, 2010)

Being single is so not a bad thing. I have been single for over a year and a half. Before that, I've probably been more single than in a relationship (overall). I love doing things my way and on my terms, and I find it hard to compromise...especially the older I get. However, it's getting old, and I do want to know what it's like to be committed to someone _I love being around_. I just haven't met that person. Well, and I don't get out enough to meet anyone.

Anyway, I think it's silly that anyone would suggest that it's not OK to be single. I'm getting kind of tired of my family/old friends asking me when I'm going to settle down and get married. Being 34, I get that even more now.


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## odd_one_out (Aug 22, 2006)

Single is best for me. This is mostly because those with whom I was in relationships treated me poorly sooner or later, creating great stress. After the initial pain of a break-up, there's a rush of freedom. The only trouble with being single is people pursue and I end up being in another relationship. I find there's nothing more suffocating than a relationship and it's also too preoccupying, diverting my brain from productive tasks. Most people I see in relationships are unhappy with them and I admire those who choose to be single.


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

Both being single and not have their upsides and downsides. I'm ok with either, some things about being in a relationship are annoying but also a lack of intimacy in your life kinda sucks too. So either way. Being in a bad relationship is way worse than being single so its not always better to be in a relationship.


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## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

I would be good either way, having experienced both. I recently just reconciled my marriage, was on the way to divorce, but things are working out now.


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## complex (Apr 22, 2009)

I really enjoy being single right now I can do what ever I feel like. I have no commitment I can travel and not worry... my phone bill is way under controll now and I am just happy with me and when Im not I work on me not someone else. I think its good to be single so you can work on the true you. IMO


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## rocky (Oct 14, 2006)

some of us don't have a choice in the matter :rain


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

Yes I think what makes it embarrassing is if you're involuntarily single.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

I guess I'm miserable both ways. Relationships don't cure social anxiety. When your in a relationship and suffering from social anxiety it's awful because the anxiety is preparing to take away what you worked so hard to get.


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

I find it sad and alarming how many people on this forum focus on finding a partner rather than working on building a sense of self under the misguided assumption that having a relationship will give them purpose and self-esteem...


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

pyramidsong said:


> I find it sad and alarming how many people on this forum focus on finding a partner rather than working on building a sense of self under the misguided assumption that having a relationship will give them purpose and self-esteem...


So when you have self-esteem and purpose you'll not be lonely? I have a good level of self-esteem but that doesn't stop me from being lonely.


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## fallingdownonmyface (Dec 3, 2006)

pyramidsong said:


> I find it sad and alarming how many people on this forum focus on finding a partner rather than working on building a sense of self under the misguided assumption that having a relationship will give them purpose and self-esteem...


As humans we want to be respected by others. A sense of self should ideally come from solely yourself but looking around at the people I see in society , and friends and relatives, it seems that their sense of self was strengthened because they are well respected and have strong social bonds with people. I think many of the people in this forum are very isolated and feel like they are willing to try anything to help even if that means jumping into a relationship, which probably isn't the best idea if you don't have a strong sense of self...


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## Peter Attis (Aug 31, 2009)

No. No, it is not. I'm starting to think some people just want to jump into a relationship without really thinking about what said relationship actually entails.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

:sigh I don't know.I liked being single,but being single makes me also miss intimacy,being around someone,talking to someone and all those things a partner can provide.
Right now I'd rather be single,but that's because I'm tired of this relationship.I'm not happy in it.(need to do something about that)
Single isn't that bad,but preferably I'd be in a relationship with a great guy.Then again where the hell are the great guys?


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

I was single when this was in the charts 

Song lyrics notwithstanding, being single doesn't really suit me, but I'm sure it suits some people just fine. And I'd rather be single than in a rubbish relationship.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I guess it also depends on how long youve been single.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

I don't want to be single forever, but it's tolerable at my age. I'm worried though seeing as I'm 21 with little to no experience.


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

I'd prefer not to be single (reliable sex and help with errands and chores would be nice) but I didn't realize it's so stigmatized. Maybe single women get more grief than single men do?


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## pyramidsong (Apr 17, 2005)

Dude, it's *not* that stigmatized. I'm female, and when I'm single I never feel self-conscious about it, nor do I recall ever having received comments about it. My guess is that people on this board who have been made to feel that way are either projecting an assumption or hanging out with unusually narrow-minded people. Then again, I've dated enough to know for a fact it does not fix my problems, so I've focused on building my self-worth independently of that. I really do worry for those who think that once they find someone they're going to miraculously feel good about themselves.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Nothing wrong with being single, nothing wrong with having a bf/gf, nothing wrong with being married. It's all neutral. You're YOU either way


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I am glad this thread appeared .


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## JohnMartson (May 31, 2010)

nothing is wrong with it 
but you should try to go for whatever u want
if u want to be single then u should stay that way right


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

millenniumman75 said:


> I am glad this thread appeared .


You're welcome. To be honest I just wanted to make people laugh with that midget joke...but, glad to see people are getting use out of it.


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

While being single for a while may not be stigmatized, being perpetually single in this society is -- there's a difference.


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## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> While being single for a while may not be stigmatized, being perpetually single in this society is -- there's a difference.


yea, that's why they made the *"*comedy*"* the 40 yr old virgin.
it's not that funny if that is your life story, but to society it is hilarious/unheard of.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Josh90 said:


> Not in the short term, but after a while it starts to upset and depress you.


Yep, I know from experience.


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## RyanAdams (Aug 15, 2008)

Johnny_Genome said:


> While being single for a while may not be stigmatized, being perpetually single in this society is -- there's a difference.


Oh, well I'm screwed then


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## Johnny_Genome (Nov 11, 2003)

The older you get, the more society tends to discriminate -- I have a friend who believes she was chosen, out of three women doing the same job, to be laid off because the other two women had children and were married and she was single. She felt she was seen as easier to let go than those who needed health benefits for their children or those with a family to feed.

This is not uncommon thinking. I have gotten the feeling that 'I'm not as important' from more than a few married / family people. Like my problems are trivial when compared to having a family.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

RyanAdams said:


> "Jennifer Love Hewitt OK With Being Single." She's_ OK_ with it...like it's some form of embarrassing social leprosy.


Lol, that made me laugh. That's the celebrity lifestyle though, you are not expected nor encouraged to be a single celebrity, because the media puts a lot of pressure on them to hook up with people, or else feel ridicule.


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## Ehm (Jul 21, 2009)

I'm bothered more by the people who constantly pressure me about it rather than being single itself. In my area women get married and pregnant at a young age. I don't want marriage or kids and every time someone asks me if I'm married or if I have any kids I tell them no and they go ape ****.


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Rixy said:


> After seeing all the stress my friends got from relationships...being single seems pretty darn good to me.


So true.

I'm single and happy(ish) with it, but i do wanna find someone who i connect with.

I have f***ed up so many opportunites with guys that i'm used to the single life. And it has many advantages too.


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## amoeba (May 19, 2010)

It only sucks when you feel as though you're completely incapable of ever forming a romantic relationship. Boo urns.


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## MrWorry (Sep 5, 2009)

Johnny_Genome said:


> The older you get, the more society tends to discriminate -- I have a friend who believes she was chosen, out of three women doing the same job, to be laid off because the other two women had children and were married and she was single. She felt she was seen as easier to let go than those who needed health benefits for their children or those with a family to feed.
> 
> This is not uncommon thinking. I have gotten the feeling that 'I'm not as important' from more than a few married / family people. Like my problems are trivial when compared to having a family.


I can totally relate to this. And it makes me pissed off. Somebody at work this week told me that my life is easier than his because i'm single and he is married.

I can think of a few things that i have to deal with that he doesn't. Everything from shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, paying the bills (managing money), having somebody to run errands for you, etc.

Having 2 people you can share the workload. Including if i lose my job thats it. With 2 people working, for the most part they can probably get by on the others income.

That doesn't include the crap that i have to deal with just being myself.

And the biggest thing is he has someone to lean on or come home to and deal with problems.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

It really bothers me to be single, because it's been going on for to long and i feel deprived and feel like its so unfair. I feel as if some girl has yet to find the good in me. I hope i do find someone someday soon and i dont feel like its to late


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## badjoke (Jun 4, 2010)

Having SA has made me really susceptible to abusive relationships, so I prefer being single. I'm finding that I can still have...yaknow...fun without having to worry about someone trying to control me. Maybe I'll get sick of being single once I'm at a better place in my life with my SA, but right now it's the only way I want to be.


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## Pure Phobia (Apr 29, 2010)

I don't mind at all being single, but it really does piss me off when I make an attempt to get a date/galfriend and end up with knife in my back. Then it really hurts for a while.


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

I love being single. I love being alone, and being able to do what I want, and not having to worry about a relationship. Just the thought of being so close to someone disturbs me and I feel I wouldn't be good enough for anyone. I tend to attract guys I don't like, and guys I do like aren't attracted to me. So I'd much rather be single.

It will take a special kind of guy to make me change my mind. But I doubt he's out there, and I am making my peace with the fact that I'm an old maid.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

jmoop said:


> I love being single. I love being alone, and being able to do what I want, and not having to worry about a relationship. Just the thought of being so close to someone disturbs me and I feel I wouldn't be good enough for anyone. I tend to attract guys I don't like, and guys I do like aren't attracted to me. So I'd much rather be single.
> 
> It will take a special kind of guy to make me change my mind. But I doubt he's out there, and I am making my peace with the fact that I'm an old maid.


Yes x2. You sound like the female version of me.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

Yes, single people should all be locked up.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

RyanAdams said:


> And should I feel really bad that I've been single for 3+ years? I was browsing IMDb today, and I came across a headline that said "Jennifer Love Hewitt OK With Being Single." She's_ OK_ with it...like it's some form of embarrassing social leprosy. "Yeah I'm still single, but I've been doing better ever since couples stopped throwing midgets at me in public while screaming 'UNCLEAN!' [Note: actual quote may be somewhat different].
> 
> You know, I just started to come to terms with the fact that I may be single for a long time, and I started to think about all the things I could do on my own. But apparently that's not OK. Is not being in a relationship for extended periods really a bad thing?


Of course it's not a bad thing. It doesn't do anyone harm. It's just that lots of people expect other people to be in relationships...don't know why. Sometimes they try to set you up too. Ack! There's a single person. Must...tie...up...loose...strings! Some are just thinking of your well being, I suppose. Anyway, if you're okay being single, then it's okay.


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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

Well, i don't think i can do nothing about it unless God places the right guy in my way...where it would be easy for me to get to know him...and he be ok with all the non actvity in my life...so yeah i have to be ok with the **** i guess...because me finding a guy seems EXTREMELY IMPOSSIBLE!!...i was looking on this site today and it seems mostly all the attractive girls i seen on here have boyfrieneds or someone there talking too..so this just makes me feel like ****...even more...idk what the **** i need to do to get a guy...anywho im ok with it becasue idk ill ever be girlfriend material...i guess i dont have that specail thing or whtever it is...ugh..whatever...


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Well I have been single pretty much my entire life with the longest relationship lasting a mere month or so. So being single is not something which has ever really bothered me. That being said I do look forward to falling for someone and experiencing love and all that jazz but I am confident it will happen so I just enjoy life and what it has to offer me day by day.


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## sarafinanickelbocker (May 16, 2010)

foodie said:


> girlfriend material...i guess i dont have that specail thing or whtever it is...ugh..whatever...


We ain't cut from cookie cutters. Girlfriend material. What's that? Mind you, I have no experience with you in person, but you seem to be one of the most friendly, outgoing, personalities on this forum. And you're cute to boot. Don't be so hard on yourself, k?


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## foodie (Apr 27, 2010)

sarafinanickelbocker said:


> We ain't cut from cookie cutters. Girlfriend material. What's that? Mind you, I have no experience with you in person, but you seem to be one of the most friendly, outgoing, personalities on this forum. And you're cute to boot. Don't be so hard on yourself, k?


aw thanks so much =)...i guess im frustrated with the whole guy thing thats it...lol your funny though hahah "we ain't cut from cooke cutters" lmfao hahha lol thanks again :high5


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## Colhad75 (Dec 14, 2009)

Been single all my life. Now that I want to find someone I find it very difficult. I have a lot against me but I'm trying none the less.


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## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

Being single is easier and less stressful, definitely.
But for some reason I still choose to get into relationships.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Being single is better than being with someone you don't want to be with anymore, that's for sure. It amazes me how many people stay unhappy to avoid hurting the other person or changing their own lives, but I can recall what it's like and it sucks.


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## yellowpaper (Nov 13, 2007)

benefits of being single:

Don't have to be hurt by the other person's choices.
Don't have to worry about being a hypocrite.
Don't have to doubt the relationship, and wonder when it's going to end, and if you're missing out on a relationship that would suit you better by staying.
Freedom.
It sometimes forces you to take care of yourself, and overcome things on your own, which is rewarding.
No guilt.
Less judged. More chances to explore...


Negatives for me:
I'm much much more likely to engage in risky behavior.
Deeper periods of depression.
Your decisions affect someone else.

Being single had its perks.


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## belle33 (Dec 5, 2009)

I liked being single when I knew other singles. I remember being able to do whatever, eat whatever, wear whatever.. etc.. But everyone I know now is married or seriously committed and it sucks. I am in a relationship but we don't see each other a lot because he travels for work and also lives about 1.5 hours away. I've considered breaking up, but I don't think I would ever do anything then? I wish I had single friends.


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