# I fired my therapist yesterday



## csm2000 (Oct 25, 2013)

I have been seeing her for 2 1/2 years, and she advertises herself as an SE professional and trauma expert. Well, I am Queen of the Resistant Clients. I was a selective mute as a child (wouldn't talk), and when I go to therapy, talking about feelings is very difficult for me. I dissociate and detach from emotions, and want to use logic to think my way through everything. I'm sure I challenged her and made her work harder than a lot of clients.

I cannot say that the last few years were a waste of time. I learned a lot. As for change, I'm not so sure. We recently had a chat about the chasm between awareness and change.

Anyway, I fired her because of the following reasons:

1. I felt we had no real path. We had a loose definition of a goal. We never discussed any sort of treatment plan, and one week we would talk about one thing, the next week we would talk about another thing, then maybe throw in some Somatic exercises, then maybe talk about the inner child another week. No focus. I felt like she was throwing pennies in a pool seeing which would make the biggest ripple.

2. She takes a week off about every month, and I travel a great deal as well. I find it difficult to build any momentum when there are constant breaks in our work. She travels a lot for pleasure so I wonder if she would consider herself semi-retired. A sign of lack of commitment to me.

3. When I mentioned quitting to her 6 months ago, she told me that her methods were hypnosis (and said that I am good at doing that to myself), relational therapy, SE, and tonal work, eluding to the fact that that's her menu, that's what she's got. She weakly agreed that she could help me. I was away on a month long vacation in November and thought about quitting. A lot. Upon returning in December, I mentioned twice out of the last three sessions that I was thinking about quitting and giving up. One time she kind of ignored the fact that I said that and the other time she told me that it would be normal to cry in this situation (when I said I wanted to give up) and pointed me to the tissue box. Well, I never cry in therapy. Ever. To me, I saw this as a big red flag, big enough to cover my face! Wouldn't you think a therapist who wanted to work with you would pick up these blatant cues and start a discussion around why I should stay and what will it take to continue our work together? What do I need?

So, I sent her an email yesterday morning. Yes, the coward's way out, but given my quiet self in therapy, it was the best solution for me. I could collect my thoughts and present them in an articulate manner. While I understand that it is the holidays, I am a bit surprised that I haven't received a response. My partner thinks it may take her a while to chew on everything that I said to her - which is pretty much everything that I wrote above.

I felt a bit despondent last night. I did have in my mind that this was my last effort to work with someone. This was my 9th therapist, I'm 55, and while I've worked on ACoA issues years ago, I never put so much time, effort and money into dealing with PTSD or any of the abuse. And I think she was genuine in her want to help me and I like her as a person.

Now I am wondering if I really should try working with someone else. These are slow, time-eating healing processes we are looking at: dissociation, attachment issues are probably my biggest. Did I quit too soon? Maybe she was going slow as to not flood me or overwhelm me. Or maybe she liked $600/month from me. Who knows. It has been so hard for me to open up. I am not sure if I can blame that on her or on myself. I suspect I would have that problem with anyone and don't cherish the idea of starting all over else where, but the fact that she didn't jump on my want to quit kind of makes me think that she didn't want to work with me anymore, anyway.

Any thoughts?


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## InTheWorldOfNiM (Oct 3, 2010)

Yeah I feel like that's pretty much what most therapy will consist of. I honestly lost any faith I had in talk therapy. I personally think it's a waste of time and money when it comes to my issues. I personally would just give up on therapy. I went in one day for adhd testing and one of the doctors suggested that maybe I should talk to one of the psychologist and I told them, If I'm paying for it, then no, I get better help online for free.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

csm2000 said:


> I have been seeing her for 2 1/2 years, and she advertises herself as an SE professional and trauma expert. Well, I am Queen of the Resistant Clients. I was a selective mute as a child (wouldn't talk), and when I go to therapy, talking about feelings is very difficult for me. I dissociate and detach from emotions, and want to use logic to think my way through everything. I'm sure I challenged her and made her work harder than a lot of clients.
> 
> I cannot say that the last few years were a waste of time. I learned a lot. As for change, I'm not so sure. We recently had a chat about the chasm between awareness and change.
> 
> ...


OUCH!

The USA healthcare system seems to have a conflict of interest built into it. Another example is doctor shopping until the patient gets the drugs HE or SHE wants, not the drugs a physician thinks are best. Is there a central database of a patient's medical history or can you just make one up when you switch doctors?


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## InTheWorldOfNiM (Oct 3, 2010)

Zack said:


> OUCH!
> 
> The USA healthcare system seems to have a conflict of interest built into it. Another example is doctor shopping until the patient gets the drugs HE or SHE wants, not the drugs a physician thinks are best. Is there a central database of a patient's medical history or can you just make one up when you switch doctors?


lol, yeah that's unfortunate. funny thing is, on this site, a GOOD psychiatrist is considered a psychiatrist that is willing to prescribe what you want. Like others have said here, if you rely solely on a doc's opinion then you are going to get stuck with SSRIs and other useless meds for years before a doc will try the harder meds. lol And unfortunately in my case, it's totally true. I'm now at the point where I hear people complain about psychiatrist giving benzos and stimulants like candy and in my head I'm thinking, where are these doctors in my city. lol, it's sad though, treatment for social anxiety is really poor. I find so much more information on the internet than I do from doctors.


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## ilsr (Aug 29, 2010)

sorry to say , I wouldn't keep paying that much ($600/month) at your age unless you can more than afford it. hypnosis is dangerous, and there is so much quackery. maybe join a catholic church and have a confessional. with the tough on the brink world economic times and wealth horded by the few disparity the worst in centuries, everyone else is just desperate for money including the quackery professions. just my reaction thoughts imagining if I was in your situation, no offense, wish you well.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

InTheWorldOfNiM said:


> lol, yeah that's unfortunate. funny thing is, on this site, a GOOD psychiatrist is considered a psychiatrist that is willing to prescribe what you want. Like others have said here, if you rely solely on a doc's opinion then you are going to get stuck with SSRIs and other useless meds for years before a doc will try the harder meds. lol And unfortunately in my case, it's totally true. I'm now at the point where I hear people complain about psychiatrist giving benzos and stimulants like candy and in my head I'm thinking, where are these doctors in my city. lol, it's sad though, treatment for social anxiety is really poor. I find so much more information on the internet than I do from doctors.


I have plenty of Klonopin and codeine to eat today. The rest is trash. In the UK, unless one is wealthy, one gets free (paid by tax-payers) National Health Service (NHS) treatment including everything from operations to medication. You are assigned a psychiatrist who is paid a salary by the NHS so there is no conflict of interest in their relationship with their patient (changed to _client_ recently). You can, of course, request another psychiatrist and another one will be assigned. You can't just pick one. I like the USA but its healthcare provision seems to be very strange.


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## Zack (Apr 20, 2013)

Also, if you're dying and get taken to A&E (ER) the doctors don't expect you to pay them to save your life. They don't care who you are, where you come from or how much money you have. This seems to be civilised. Hence the UK is the healthcare tourism capital of the world...


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

tldr, but how do you fire a therapist?

i think what you meant to say is that you dropped them?


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I don't have a lot of insight on therapy as I've given up on therapists too many times to count. I guess, for me, it's like someone giving up on losing weight after one day. On the one hand it takes time, and you realize this, it also helps to keep in mind that if things aren't changing in the time you're in therapy, then something needs to change. A good friend told me once is that you're not being paid to go, yet they are paid whenever you do go, so it's not a total obligation. At the same time, stubbornness plays a huge role too if you're not responding totally to therapy. So it's complicated and could take some tweaking on both parties, whether the therapist is the right fit for you or if you're applying yourself at therapy and have no resistance in the way or put up any walls. It's a delicate balance.

That said, if a physical human doesn't help, perhaps a book might? There are a lot of good books out there on anxiety, one being the Anxiety and Phobia workbook by Edmund J. Bourne. That, I think has helped me the most ever since reading it. Of course, that requires some applied action too, but I'm thinking about resorting to that book again having been disappointed with therapy as of late. The mind is complicated, it really depends. Sometimes a simple book helps, sometimes a walk helps more. And sometimes yeah, you do need someone you can talk to and trust at the same time, what they say is crucial if you're going to be spending time with them talking about deep-seated issues.


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## KnivesOut (Apr 26, 2013)

I've seen a therapist for about a year and a half. I hit a hard time a few months ago. She saw I distressed and said she could give me references for other psychologists. Her thinking, I take it, that her thinking was that I need a change. That's one of the many reasons that I like her, she cares. Even when I'm not seeing, I will e-mail her and she responds promptly. Even if I haven't seen her in months. She also has to call her if needed


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