# Long distance relationship. Does it work?



## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd (Nov 2, 2015)

What are your opinions on this matter, everyone? I started to watch some videos on YouTube from couples that met each other online, and they live so far from each other, but eventually they managed to meet in person one day. Do you think that's possible? I ask you guys this because that's my only hope to find someone for me, since I don't have social contacts for nine years now and I am and always have been shy and never knew how to approach women. Also, with my anxiety and OCD, it's way more harder for me to expose myself out there.


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Depends..difficult...very difficult. I'm assuming you're talking about getting into a committed romantic relationship towards marriage or life partnership.

It can't go on forever without one or both people deciding to relocate. This is an important topic to cover early if the relationship is romantic and getting serious.


----------



## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

I think it takes a lot of effort for both people. They have to really be in love and want to make things work and send a LOT of nudes. It's not for everyone.


----------



## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

I mean, it definitely happens, of course no one prefers it. I'm pretty 99% sure I wouldn't be willing to have an LDR, but I still leave that 1% open because if I met the right person with a strong, real connection I'd do it, but we'd be making plans to move together very quickly. None of that long distance 3 years BS. Maybe 1 at most and that's only if we're head over heels, we are in this for life type situ.


----------



## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd (Nov 2, 2015)

Yeah, I agree with you, SofaKing. But if any of them decide to move closer to the other, do you think it's possible to work? Like, meet from time to time, but not moving in permanently.


----------



## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

@momentsunset

Lol. Lots of nudes. It would have to video chat all day every day lol! I couldn't do it.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

momentsunset said:


> and send a LOT of nudes.


This ^^

But no it can work for sure, the level of interest has to be there for both sides though. Have to know when you guys will meet, communication is a must.


----------



## Xenacat (Oct 20, 2015)

Not for me, no....


----------



## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd (Nov 2, 2015)

Well, I agree with the nudes part. LOL


----------



## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd said:


> Yeah, I agree with you, SofaKing. But if any of them decide to move closer to the other, do you think it's possible to work? Like, meet from time to time, but not moving in permanently.


Still really depends on the nature of the relationship. If you're only "dating" and can get close enough to spend personal time together a couple times a month, then sure.

I still don't see how you get to marriage/partnership without eventually being in the same place, though.

Maybe a FWB could work the way you're describing...


----------



## Owlbear (Dec 3, 2015)

Imo yes and no.

The relationship DOES NOT start until they meet. When people start a relationship online it's fake. They don't really know each other. Seeing someone's physical movements while they talk, their scent, dress style, and how they interact - talking online, even with skype - won't show you this. 

Also long distance sucks. You're in a relationship for intimacy, companionship, and caring. A voice over your phone can't give you all that. But yes, it can work. It isn't fun but it can work.


----------



## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd (Nov 2, 2015)

Owlbear, I would be happy to just have someone to talk everyday romantically. That would be great for me. The loneliness is strong here...


----------



## willtowin (Feb 1, 2017)

It worked for me. When I met my gf online some time ago, she stayed 200 miles away and we were just friends for a few months. I had to move to her city because of job relocation, and things just got better from there


----------



## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

Its up to you but i would only ever want to get into a long distance relationship if i was to actually meet that person in real life. Its just not worth having a relationship if you cant actually know that person face to face and have that close connection.


----------



## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

I saw 4 folks on socialphobiaworld get married after meeting online and eventually moving together. I also did research once with a girl who fell for this guy in New Zealand and the two had a LDR for a while before she finally moved out there. I wont lie when I say Im impressed with how much dedication they put into it because that sounds tough.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I would be paranoid that the other person was dating others in their town while I focused on him. 

You have no way of knowing until you visit them if they are who they say they are. Could be married or have a live-in girlfriend, who knows.

I imagine that the relationship stays in the honeymoon phase until they finally live together. Emotions run high and artificially positive.


----------



## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I couldn't deal with not having sex for extended periods of time. I need the intimacy.


----------



## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

I agree with @Owlbear. I know a LOT of people would argue me on that. I truly feel that way too though, the relationship truly starts when you first meet. My online friend I've had, for like, almost a decade now, to this day we are still friends, and he has always strictly been a person "dating online"... I'm sorry I really can't take that seriously. It's honestly not the same thing as experiencing them in the physical world. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sure it hurts to break up, but I just don't get that, I guess.

I mean sure I've been able to fall for people online really hard, before or if EVER I even met up with them in person, absolutely. Multiple times. But you still don't realize the other part that you're missing. And when you never meet those people in person, it doesn't matter how hard you fell for them, they just fade away when you stop talking to them, you HAVE no real actual memories of them, lol. They never hold a place in your heart. It's actually a really bizarre, eerie feeling.

I am currently in a LDR and yes it works. We live 1000 miles away, we met right here on SAS. We are meeting each other every couple of months. I never thought I'd say yes to a LDR, ever in my life, until I met him in person. And realized I didn't want to be with someone else back home.

I was also in a semi-LDR, lol, where the guy lived almost 2 hours away from me. We met online as well. We saw each other every week. I don't think that really counts as long distance.


----------



## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

It can work for a few months, maybe longer if the people are committed to making it become a permanent relationship in the not too distant future. Otherwise, once the initial excitement wears off it is hard to keep it going and little by little they drift towards other people and will replace it with a real life relationship once the opportunity arises.


----------



## pixiepirate (Feb 11, 2017)

I've done the long distance thing, and I think it strengthened my relationship with that person. We started just friends, then feelings. I'm a bit more chatty and open about my thoughts and feelings through chat and text, so we learnred a lot more about each other and connected better. We moved in together, things were pretty good. But ended the relationship (for other reasons). Still live together though, and we're great friends.

I've had a few long distance relationships, and the distance didnt bother me. I don't particularly need lots of contact or attention, and am fairly self-sufficient. Lack of physical contact sucked, but I dont particularly _need_ that.

However, I think it's all about your personality. Works for some, not for others.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

pixiepirate said:


> Still live together though, and we're great friends.


You still live with your ex? How does that work? lol. You see the girls he brings home and vice versa?


----------



## pixiepirate (Feb 11, 2017)

Kevin001 said:


> You still live with your ex? How does that work? lol. You see the girls he brings home and vice versa?


Kinda complicated .... He's polyamourous, and we were in an open relationship. There was one other girl he was sort of seeing. I liked him a lot and wanted to give it a try, but it just didnt feel right to me. I'm just monogamous, he's not. Don't think there's any changing that, so that's that I guess lol.


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

pixiepirate said:


> Kinda complicated .... He's polyamourous, and we were in an open relationship. There was one other girl he was sort of seeing. I liked him a lot and wanted to give it a try, but it just didnt feel right to me. I'm just monogamous, he's not. Don't think there's any changing that, so that's that I guess lol.


Must be tough to deal with huh? He gets to sleep around on you but you don't? Can't see how this is healthy but best of luck to you.


----------



## Blue Dino (Aug 17, 2013)

There is also a huge difference between a long distance relationship between two people that already know each other in-person and then decide to maintain that relationship when they have to live far apart -vs- a long distance relationship between two people that have only interacted online. 

For me, the former is the actually what a long distance relationship is. The latter to me isn't even a long distance, but an online relationship, which to me the other person is still a stranger.


----------



## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

Mine was successful, met online on a forum and an 8hr train ride away for the first 3 years. She then she moved down and we got a place, I even spent 6 months of the first year we met in Whistler Ski resort and still stayed together but after 14 years and 2 kids later we split, not too long ago.

To be fair, it was a struggle initially me travelling to see her but at least it kept me off drugs for that weekend.


----------



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Growing up as a Navy brat, I've witnessed it work out multiple times. Many people I've known have been in LDRs for even a few years making sure they scheduled visits at least a few times a year. Heck, even my sister is currently in one of these relationships. I believe her boyfriend is stationed across the other side of the country. They've been dating about two years now, yet they're still together and he comes to visit at least twice a year. I can actually hear them Skyping from the other room as I type this lol. 

My parents have gone through periods of long distance marriage as well when my dad was still in the Navy. They are still married to this day, so it's possible. The one thing that these LDR couples can claim kept their relationships together, as cliché as it sounds, was trust. Communicating daily is a necessity, but not having enough faith in their partner was a sure fire way to end the relationship. 

Unfortunately, I cannot say that I've had any similar experiences as my last LDR only lasted just short of one year. I told him I was able to be patient by finishing up at my current school and take the relationship to the next step afterwards, but he was not committed enough and he had some conflicting feelings, so we decided to end it.


----------



## pixiepirate (Feb 11, 2017)

Kevin001 said:


> Must be tough to deal with huh? He gets to sleep around on you but you don't? Can't see how this is healthy but best of luck to you.


He said I could date other people if i wanted to, and I did, but it didnt feel right, and i didnt want to be in a poly relationship anymore, so we're not in a relationship anymore, but still friends. polyamory isnt for everyone, and i dont judge people who are polyamorous. nothing wrong with it


----------



## Vladislavkari (Feb 8, 2017)

It's difficult but not impossible. It takes a lot of commitment and patience but there are plenty of couples that have worked through LDR. Ethan and Hila from h3h3prouctions started out as a long distance relationship and to me they are such a sweet and loving and successful couple. There are a couple of other now married youtubers that also started out as LDRs. But it's a very difficult situation and you gotta really care for each other.


----------



## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

pixiepirate said:


> I've had a few long distance relationships, and the distance didnt bother me. I don't particularly need lots of contact or attention, and am fairly self-sufficient. Lack of physical contact sucked, but I dont particularly _need_ that.
> 
> However, I think it's all about your personality. Works for some, not for others.


That basically sums up my thoughts about it as well. Two people can potentially want all sorts of things together. It just depends on them.

Maybe the question is more like, "are there things about myself I should know beforehand that I couldn't know otherwise?", and I think the answer is "no". There is always a degree of distance in relationships, always obstacles, and it is not in other ways fundamentally different ... just everything in degrees and forms.


----------



## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

I'm right next to my partner of several months and I don't think I've ever felt so far apart. Even after you've met it can still feel as turbulent as any other relationship.

Now that I can finally travel distance hasn't been a trouble for me, especially since I am self-sufficient as someone said above. I also agree that it's up to the personalities of those involved. It can be arduous if you don't share attitudes about the relationship, which may manifest themselves sooner than you two would like.


----------



## jengem (Feb 6, 2017)

It really depends on the two people involved and setting clear expectations in the beginning and the need and wants of both people. An old friend of mine met a guy online, he lived in England, she lived in NJ. They did the LDR for a while before they even met. Eventually they visited each other a few times and she moved out there with him and they got married. There can be happy endings as long as both people want the same thing.


----------



## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

here's my experience with the LDR:

it might work for a limited time period, but i wouldn't recommend for extended periods of time. 
over time you grow and change. over long periods of time you might change a lot. people that are in your life grow with you, in a sense. people that aren't in your proximity don't grow and change with you. you might find, after several years in a LD relationship, that you've both grown in different ways and haven't grown together enough to be compatible anymore (as I have found out with mine).


----------



## novalax (Jun 7, 2013)

Vladislavkari said:


> It's difficult but not impossible. It takes a lot of commitment and patience but there are plenty of couples that have worked through LDR. Ethan and Hila from h3h3prouctions started out as a long distance relationship and to me they are such a sweet and loving and successful couple. There are a couple of other now married youtubers that also started out as LDRs. But it's a very difficult situation and you gotta really care for each other.


I watched their video the other day and I was blown away! forget Romeo and Juliet, I want to be Ethan and Hila!!


----------



## Michael Strode (Jun 5, 2016)

I am not sure about the "Nudes" thing...LOL)) Maybe I am more conservative but can someone explain the Nudes thing? About LDR's...Most would not handle it because they are used to having anything they want (including attention/affection)...why starve the self of attention/affection when there's always options out there to have this? Others can handle it because of what was mentioned already (person takes leave with military-job-etc.). Then there are those that like to live their own lives and come together with their significant other only so many times of the year. And there is yet another option of forming the bond online, but meeting to solidify the bond...and continuing on the basis of being together either in real life or to establish the relationship as an LDR type only. There's always a way to make anything work, especially when it comes to relationships...but only way to make it work is when two people are in it together as one.


----------



## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

It can work if the long distance relationship does not remain long distance for too long. I have seen many long distance relationship maintaining between high school sweethearts for years when both are for away from each other during college. I know of three couples that have maintained it and ended up getting married. It just requires consistent visits to each other. It also helps for neither person to have a heavy social life and neediness.

If it were me in a long distance relationship, my significant other should have no worries about me cheating because one cannot really cheat if you do not have a social life or barely any friends and rarely ever meet anyone new lol. And I am on the more introvert spectrum and value alone time a lot. So I will probably not get needy or lonely easy.


----------



## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Yes, actually long distance relationships can work but you both have to be emotionally ready for them. If you really want to fight to be with someone, I know how the fight can aid in transforming and lifting you out of the gloom you think you're stuck in - you feel like you can fly.  We can all use this to help ourselves live better lives, and hope for a better future. But we have to be mature enough to understand that we both can and deserve to date and find relationships and friends locally.

We also have to come to realize that our long distance relationship can be severed by this at any time because it happens, someone was there for them when we are 1000 miles away. You have to think about that, would you be okay with holding on to someone so far away from you in this relationship thing with the same relationship rules as a local relationship? It will be harder this way and you'd be adding more trouble than help to that person. You have to allow them the freedom to date and have relationships locally because it does happen, they have to be able to find their own way. Okay, what about just trying out a long distance friendship in the time being? You could still meet up and make out and probably just have casual sex or even a short term relationship and it will be easier on you than a constant serious long distance relationship.

A long distance friendship can be romantic too but you won't have to lay a burden on the other person and possess them and hinder their own progress in building up a life (friends + dating) for themselves locally. I could have dozens of long distance friendships while hoping I'll meet up and make out with them one day if they happen to be single. But at the same time, I have this freedom of building up my own life and making friends and dating right here where I live because I choose to believe that I do and it has happened. I don't choose to chain myself around someone who lives 1000 miles away and also chain them to me and hinder their progress in their own lives, I can't do that to someone, but hey we could always be friends! 

The only way it could work is with 2 very serious people who have come to realize that ****ing around just ain't their thing and they believe that they will get more out of life with each other in the end. So in the time apart they're using all their energy on working up their own lives locally with college and work while dating/not dating is/isn't allowed for both with mutual agreement. It could also work with romantic friendships as I stated above, or it could start with friendships and then you can slide off easier emotionally if you choose to end it. You can always start it back up again, life is beautiful man, never give up! Watch the movie Like Crazy, omg I love that movie, I wish I saw it before I got into that relationship, but you know I know I would have still made the same choice still.


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

I dunno, it's getting close to four years now and it's not ideal but it's working. I'm pretty solitary and introverted though, so the distance and limited time spent together IRL aren't an overwhelming burden for me.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Didn't work well for me because I eventually realized I had no intention of moving. If you're a mobile person with the means to visit, and the two of you have patient personalities and low physical intimacy requirements, it can work.



Michael Strode said:


> I am not sure about the "Nudes" thing...LOL)) Maybe I am more conservative but can someone explain the Nudes thing?


It's when someone takes off all their layers of clothing, like you do in the shower, and then allows someone else to see that (via image or video in the LDR case). It's part of standard human mating rituals.


----------



## TonyH (Mar 8, 2015)

hell no. I mean, that long without sex. You may as well be friends. You'd have to be desperate as heck to do that. Just no.


----------



## KILOBRAVO (Sep 17, 2011)

komorikun said:


> I would be paranoid that the other person was dating others in their town while I focused on him.


that's not paranoid, that's a totally understandable thing. although it "helps" if you know that's what they're actually trying to do.

****

you have to be very careful with this. I was lead astray by a woman in this situation who i was 100% devoted and faithfull and committed to. 
(and she knew that she could trust me)

at first everything seemed great. but to cut a very very long story short in the end after 2.5 years. ( yes, you read that right) she was unable to reciprocate the above qualities and in the end just disrespeced me. I ended up with my time wasted and heart broken because of her unfaithfullness .

frankly I will never quite know how many times she was deceiving me over that long time whilst constantly telling me it was me she wanted and promised a future with.... how many dating sites and emails chasing other men.. whilst still telling me all the time she wanted me and actually, used to accuse me I'd abandon her which I'd never do.

however karma comes round and I'm pretty sure she'll still be single an desparate... none .of those other men wanted much to do with her and I can't say I'm sorry.

moral: ldrs need 110% commitment and trust. its incredibly easy to be lead astray and you cant know everything they are up to. its very easy to be lied to..


----------



## socialbutterflywannabe (Feb 18, 2017)

ONLY if both partners are willing to put in the work. I was in a one sided LDR and no matter how much effort I put into messaging/vid chatting etc, it didn't help the relationship and he ended up pretty much dumping me because he couldn't fulfill my needs.


----------



## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I haven't done it, but it's not unheard of. There are a few users here in LDRs.

I'm sure it can work, but it's not for me. I'm a practical guy - if I can't reach out and squeeze you, what's the point? Also, I have a hard time trusting people (not in a paranoid way per se, but I know how fickle hearts can be) and an LDR would only exaggerate my insecurities.


----------



## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

SH!T yo, asking if long distance relationships work is like asking if relationships work. Yes and no is your answer! Yes, boo hoo it's all fun and joy while it's just beginning but soon enough the dark side comes out with our emotions. If you're in check with your jealousy and cheating, okay maybe relationships will work, but not otherwise. Why would I pick a guy who shows interest in me and waste my precious time where I live for him, oh wait, I don't even have a life here is a reason why I would! I wouldn't. That's why I turn my cold shoulder to anyone who wants to play with me, anyone wants me or any other girl long distance cuz they want to use you, they want to use anyone, they don't give a **** about your ****ing feelings that they hurt. If you're so naive, go ahead and go for it.

With long distance, nah you won't get your feelings and needs met, you'll be constantly nagging on each other for your share, = emotional draining = cheating. I can't allow myself to trust someone like this again, it won't work unless I cheat too. It's all a ****ing mess, either we learn to live our own lives or we mess up someone else's for our own enjoyment/love desperation. I wouldn't keep someone in a cage with me 1000 miles away when they can get someone 30 minutes close to them.


----------



## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

I'm in my second long distance relationship. 

The first long distance relationship I had did actually work out. We were together for 11 and a half years and married for six and a half years before he died. 

My second long distance relationship is difficult because of its circumstances. We don't have access to email or skype, can only talk 20 minutes a day (at $2.40/call) and I can rarely visit, and when I do it's in an area with no privacy. Yeah, he's in prison. He's my best friend since I was 11 though and he's probably getting out soon. I've loved him since I was 12 but when he went to prison his parents decided to tell me that he was dead instead. I've been writing him since 2010 and we had decided to get together when my husband became terminally ill. After my husband died we started calling each other every day. 

We are planning on getting married.


----------



## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

I could if we cared enough about each other and were actively working towards finding a way to be together in person.


----------



## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Revenwyn said:


> I've loved him since I was 12 but when he went to prison his parents decided to tell me that he was dead instead. I've been writing him since 2010 and we had decided to get together when my husband became terminally ill.


He's been in prison since 2010? What did he get in for, if you don't mind my asking?

To answer the topic on hand... I think that for every LDR that works out, there are about a 1000 that failed. In other words, yeah they can work, but rarely do.


----------



## Revenwyn (Apr 11, 2011)

veron said:


> He's been in prison since 2010? What did he get in for, if you don't mind my asking?
> 
> To answer the topic on hand... I think that for every LDR that works out, there are about a 1000 that failed. In other words, yeah they can work, but rarely do.


He's been in since 2003. His parents told me he was dead then. I found out the truth in 2010.

It's not as much about the length of sentence but the fact that his state has requirements to get out from the sentence. He has to go through a program and they were backlogged by over a decade. He was parole eligible in 2006.

Basically he's in because a girl lied about her age. Had fake ID and everything.


----------



## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Well evidently they can work, since they work for people for long time periods (let us not also forget that most _non_ long distance relationships don't work either). So one shouldn't jump to assume they _can't_ work because they didn't work in single instances. After all, people aren't making that same conclusion based on all the non long distance relationships people have had that haven't worked (and that's all of everyone's relationships up until the one they are currently in ).

But, my own experience of this would make me wary, though the stuff above applies. There isn't really enough complete information about the other person (including the non verbal stuff you only get in person), so you would need to meet them early perhaps so you don't develop feelings based on an impression of a person (that is what I would be very careful about now), maybe you can get close enough with lots of vid chat though. Plus the distance makes it impossible to keep proper tabs on them because you can't even install proper surveillance equipment where they live.

(just kidding about the last part, or am I???)


----------



## LucasPSI (Dec 23, 2016)

I believe it's very possible. Just as long as you're willing enough to go and actually meet the person one day. I think it's a great way to meet people and open up to them without worry since your always at ease talking about pretty much anything you'd probably be afraid to talk about in person. 

Long distance is all I've ever done and it always went smoothly until that point. Mostly because mentally I'm not ready to leave the state or even to express myself through verbal communication.


----------



## Benzoff (Feb 18, 2017)

LDR works for me. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am now.
My girlfriend lives 5,250 mi away from me, but soon we will move in together and get married. We've been together for 1.5 years now, but we're inseparable.
She just went back to her country (South Korea) but I will visit her after two months from now. After that she'll move to me in Germany. I'm not German, though.

This is my hope to a normal future. I can beat my panic disorder, depression, anxiety, and what not!


----------



## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Hmm well, if I had a super hot guy like Jake Sidwell, well then yes, I could make it work to be with someone like that omfg!!!!!! :nw :dead A dream come true, yo. Nah, but even then I wouldn't want to keep such a handsome sexy caged to me like that.


----------



## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

Owlbear said:


> Imo yes and no.
> 
> The relationship DOES NOT start until they meet. *When people start a relationship online it's fake. They don't really know each other.* Seeing someone's physical movements while they talk, their scent, dress style, and how they interact - talking online, even with skype - won't show you this.
> 
> Also long distance sucks. You're in a relationship for intimacy, companionship, and caring. A voice over your phone can't give you all that. But yes, it can work. It isn't fun but it can work.


I felt the exact opposite way. When all that is done is talking, you get to know the person on a far more intimate level. It makes it more about the person than the physical aspects (no doubt the lack of it sucks). My girlfriend and I were online friends for the longest time, until we finally revealed that we liked each other. From there we went to the real life stuff pretty damn fast, because our life situations permitted it (I realize this would be the main issue for many). But yeah, there's nothing quite like that feeling of wanting to physically touch someone so bad for the longest time to actually being _able_ to do it. It's powerful. We've been together almost 8 years now. I don't feel like the online/phone/camming part of our relationship was fake at all. But yeah, I most definitely wouldn't want to go back to that.


----------



## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

i think i'm the kind of person who call fall in love with someone solely for their mind, but no. i wouldn't want a long distance relationship. it would be torturous to be far away from someone you love and need that much. not to mention there's so much you don't know about them without meeting, as others have said.


----------



## Owlbear (Dec 3, 2015)

Mc Borg said:


> I felt the exact opposite way. When all that is done is talking, you get to know the person on a far more intimate level. It makes it more about the person than the physical aspects (no doubt the lack of it sucks). My girlfriend and I were online friends for the longest time, until we finally revealed that we liked each other. From there we went to the real life stuff pretty damn fast, because our life situations permitted it (I realize this would be the main issue for many). But yeah, there's nothing quite like that feeling of wanting to physically touch someone so bad for the longest time to actually being _able_ to do it. It's powerful. We've been together almost 8 years now. I don't feel like the online/phone/camming part of our relationship was fake at all. But yeah, I most definitely wouldn't want to go back to that.


Lemme rephrase that. It CAN be fake. And I don't mean being catfished or blatantly obvious falseness, but more like falling in love with a person that is very different from the actual person. Sometimes it can be a good thing though, as what you imagined can be blown away by reality. But, imo, there's a high chance of a disconnect. So if you like them - meet up asap! I did that with the last woman I was into. The day after we expressed interest I drove several hours to meet her. It didn't work out, and morphed into something else, but at least I didn't wait years to see what she was like.

And that's great to hear it worked out for ya!


----------



## Disheveled and Lost (May 9, 2015)

I have heard that while this is off-topic a little, a long distance relationship past 1 hour distance is not worth it. In other words, if you need to take a train and she is an hour away, that is manageable. But if you are taking a bus to a train or walking or anything like that, or transfering, it is not worth it. Anyway I heard in multiple places that is what the cutoff is. 

I mean some people will date people that live across the country and then hold out hope that they will end up together and remain faithful while barely ever seeing them. It is ridiculous. It is like pretty common, especially now online, people just create these online things where they hope to meet like in the distant future and become a great match. 

If they are far away, and you rarely see them, or have access to them, it is just frustrating. If they are far away and you LIKE the person and meet and hit it off, that is even more infuriating because now you can't easily see them

I would rather almost date someone who is "meh" who lives closer than date Ms. Perfect who lives 3 hours away by train and I have to transfer by bus to find some remote location where she is.


----------



## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

It *can* work, but you need to meet up as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the more you build up an idea of them in your head that's not realistic. Been there. I kind of projected this deep connection which wasn't really there for him, at least I don't think so, he was pretty careful with his emotions (rightfully so). I waited too long to meet because it was such a huge thing in my mind, and that meeting him might ruin it. I had this picture in my head of us being soul mates. Thinking back, I cringe at myself for being in that deep!

My current relationship started as long distance too, and we've been together for almost 3 years. The difference was that we met up really quickly, and often. I moved over to his country pretty soon after that and we live together now. When I moved in with him, it was like getting to know him all over again. Long distance kind of lets you edit out the bad days, and only see certain aspects of a person, so long term, it's a terrible idea. They could be the most genuine person in the world, but unless you're next to them, A LOT, you won't ever know for sure.

I used to adamantly defend online relationships, telling people you get to know the person so much more because physical stuff doesn't get in way, and that you just talk and talk, so things are shared that wouldn't be if you were physically together, meaning you get a much stronger bond. That's part of the problem though, sometimes you can share too much because you can't actually touch them. People build an ideal around words, without all the other physical cues that go with them. It can create this huge well of emotional/intellectual expectation that makes the person fall short in real life, through no fault of their own. Even video chat can differ from face to face, it doesn't always pick up those minuscule expressions that you would instantly pick up on when your're next to somebody.

And chemistry is just chemistry. It's there or it's not.


----------



## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

@River In The Mountain
Well said.


----------



## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

They work about as often as "local" relationships do, pending entirely on each person's dedication and willingness to work together. All relationships require care. As others have said, however, meeting in person as soon as possible increases your odds exponentially.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. He lives about 370 miles away. We travel to see one another once, for a duration of two and a half days, a month. It's not ideal, but eventually we plan to bridge the gap. I'm happy to have him in my life in whatever capacity I can.



River In The Mountain said:


> When I moved in with him, it was like getting to know him all over again. Long distance kind of lets you edit out the bad days, and only see certain aspects of a person, so long term, it's a terrible idea. They could be the most genuine person in the world, but unless you're next to them, A LOT, you won't ever know for sure.


To be fair, this is true of almost _all_ relationships. That is a huge transition. I can't count how many times I've seen friends' relationships fall apart at the move-in stage. Even if you're local and you see your significant other every day, it pales in comparison to living with them and seeing them in their natural, most comfortable element--witnessing how they interact with and maintain their living space. There's quite a bit of difference between experiencing someone's best foot forward--the visage they present when they're actively trying to impress you--and the one they wear for the rest of the day. Sometimes, they end up being completely different costumes. And that's hard for some people to reconcile, especially when it turns out those two versions are at complete odds with one another... and therefore at odds with their partner.


----------



## Mc Borg (Jan 4, 2008)

Ai said:


> *To be fair, this is true of almost all relationships.* That is a huge transition. I can't count how many times I've seen friends' relationships fall apart at the move-in stage. Even if you're local and you see your significant other every day, it pales in comparison to living with them and seeing them in their natural, most comfortable element--witnessing how they interact with and maintain their living space. There's quite a bit of difference between experiencing someone's best foot forward--the visage they present when they're actively trying to impress you--and the one they wear for the rest of the day. Sometimes, they end up being completely different costumes. And that's hard for some people to reconcile, especially when it turns out those two versions are at complete odds with one another... and therefore at odds with their partner.


Very true. But I think that the point is the risk/cost involved in moving 1000's of miles away and it turns out that you're not as compatible as you thought you were. To be honest, though. I don't see how that could be all that much of an issue if you like the person enough to want to even take those steps in the first place. It seems like it would be a non-issue if the relationship goes that far. I had none of those issues personally. I guess it would depend on the people involved.


----------



## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

Ai said:


> To be fair, this is true of almost _all_ relationships. That is a huge transition.


Well, with local relationships, you can get a hint of what living with the person would be like before making the big move. For example, if his room is a mess every time you visit him at home, you can bet on him being messy once you start living together. And vice versa. Or, his table manners and bathroom-leaving manners, you get acquainted with those before deciding whether you want to live with that person or not. Sure, people make mistakes, decide to take a risk, and it often doesn't work out, like you said. But with LDR's you have to spend a lot of money and time to find out some stuff that you otherwise wouldn't have to spend on a local relationship.


----------



## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

What I hate the most is the guys making the girls move to them. Wow, really? You don't think about youR gf becoming homesick or you moving to her? No, the girls have to do all the work sadly cuz they're in luv.... I was stupid once, I kept wanting to go the same route twice and thrice - finally I started ****ing in my own town - that and only that taught me a ****ing lesson once and for all. Yeah, sure, he wants you to go move in with him - yeah might work but didn't work for me and we broke up - then you have to move back home. Anyway, why was I so stupid to give up my state over his, **** HIM!!! My state is ****ing better than his ever was, ya'll better fight for your own states and don't bow and scrape and throw your life away to be with someone in their own states. Seldom do guys move in with the girls or the girls making the guys come and visit them, nah the guys always think they have priority and should behave assaholic like this. Makes me sick. **** you guys, I can find guys in my own state. I fight for my own state and so should you! Me to move to someone else's state? HOW about you move to my state! NO! Okay I won't move to yours either, ha! Stand your ground. **** him.


----------



## Pongowaffle (Jul 23, 2015)

I think it works best if both are introverts with not much of a social life which eliminates the potential of cheating. And with very consistent mutual visits because the loneliness and neediness for one another will be higher. But there will be more emotional tolls because when something goes wrong, the other will only have their significant other to lean on. If they lash out, they will probably lash out more on the other instead of having a larger network of people to do this with.


----------



## cybernaut (Jul 30, 2010)

It depends on the level of commitment, which many people lack these days.


----------



## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

Guess it depends on how you form attraction and whether you view online interactions as capturing the essence of a person, or if you base the essence of a person more on their physical presence. Not talking about how good-looking they are. I mean how they physically interact with you; the way they make eye contact, talk to you, touch you, how they show affection, their facial expressions, demeanor etc.. If a large part of your attraction is based on this (and this isn't shallow, it's normal and natural) then online relationships will never cut it. I personally _really_ need to meet someone to know if I'm attracted to them, because if their physical presence has no chemistry with mine, then I won't be attracted to them.

It seems plenty of people do not form attraction based on physical presence and interactions though. They seem to view online interactions to be more real because it's stripped down to just a mental interaction, and they forge an attraction to the physical based on that (maybe they're also a bit pansexual, or wear rose tinted glasses and haven't realised they're setting themselves up for disappointment). There's no right or wrong answer with this, just depends on how you form attraction to people.

Does long distance work? Yeah it can, but probably works better when both parties have met, there are no attraction issues, no trust issues, and they continue to make plans to get together. I suppose there are some people who can carry on a relationship long term in cyberspace, without ever meeting, and be content with that, but they're probably socially quite atypical.


----------



## mezzoforte (May 16, 2010)

Like any other type of relationship, there's an expiration date - a possibility of it going downhill at one point or another, whether the reason is related to distance or not. I think trust and good communication are really important for LDRs especially, and there needs to be a plan to eventually move in together (or move closer to each other) in order to make it work.


----------



## ShadowOne (Jun 27, 2016)

dont know unless you try. could also be a stepping stone


----------



## GameAddict901 (May 23, 2016)

It can work. I met my now fiance on here and we did long distance for a year before he moved to be with me. We're still together 6 years later. Obviously at some point someone has to be willing to move or it won't work though. No one can do long distance forever.


----------



## solasum (Nov 17, 2008)

Not sure. In some ways it's better because you might actually get to know each other better since you're relying on conversation. I think it could work if you don't mind going a long time without talking.


----------



## Bbpuff (Sep 1, 2010)

I was in a distance relationship for 3 1/2 years. Distance for 2, lived together for 1 1/2. There were problems during the distance, but it was easily overlooked. It wasn't until we moved in together that the true problems started arising. My advice is, be wary if you meet someone online. Due to long distance, it is very easy to idealize your partner. You will constantly miss one another, and yearn for each other's company. It's so easy to get caught up into idealizations, because they aren't there to shatter that image you projected onto them. That was one major problem in my relationship, I was so caught up in love that I thought he was perfect for me, when in reality both our connection and foundation was rocky from the start.

Make sure this person is truly right for you. Love isn't always enough. You need to look at so many other variables when considering a partner. A good indicator is to observe the way you fight, and the frequency of said arguments. If fighting is rare, and you are both good at communicating and willing to compromise and change, in order to resolve fights that's a good sign. But if you fight in an unhealthy manner, and attack one another's character, or fight dirty that can be a red flag. Also the level of communication you have with one another is extremely important. You should be able to understand one another, and feel accepted and loved in the relationship. You should be supporting one another, and bettering one another. If you and your partner do not grow and become better people together, then there's definitely a better relationship out there for you. I really wish I knew these things before getting into an online relationship. I believe a lot of my personal growth was stunted in the past 3 years, because we held one another back and made each other worse off.

It's so easy to distance yourself from the gravity of conflict when a relationship is online. And meeting in real life for a short amount of time will only further any idealizations because every trip will feel like bliss. But that's not how relationships always are. People are different once you move in with them. Be sure you are both right for one another, and don't rush into things. Otherwise you might end up in a ****ty predicament...


----------



## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

mezzoforte said:


> Like any other type of relationship, there's an expiration date - a possibility of it going downhill at one point or another, whether the reason is related to distance or not. I think trust and good communication are really important for LDRs especially, and there needs to be a plan to eventually move in together (or move closer to each other) in order to make it work.


i was gonna say no. but yeah probably that


----------



## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

It'll last longer if you meet someone with substance. Fickle people will just play until they're bored.


----------

