# Hate it When My Mom Blows Things Out of Proportion



## schen5 (Apr 27, 2014)

Like today, when me and her were at the gym, it was kinda windy and cold and she offered to drive the car to the entrance of the gym so I didn't have to walk. A very nice gesture. And being the inattentive dolt I am, I noticed a friend sitting by the entrance, and as my mom was telling me how she didn't bring her cell phone and I should outside the entrance, I wasn't paying attention and so I sat down and waited inside the entrance talking to my friend thinking she would text me when she got there

All the while i'm too busy in conversation to notice that her car pulled up to the front door, waiting for me, the least I could do was check....but stupid me I was too busy with conversation and I still kept glancing at my cellphone for her text. Then after 2 minutes I finally look up and I see her car, I tell my friend I have to go and rush outside. 

I know she was waiting for 2 minutes in the car in that weather just for my benefit and I kept her waiting, so I understandably felt morally reprehensible....I apologized profusely all the while saying it would never happen again and that I thought she forgot her cell phone. Then she started going on about how I kept making excuses and that I would never learn and that I didn't care about her at all.... that I cared more about my friend than I did about her...and that next time I should get my own ride. And all the while I was saying how that wasn't true and that I genuinely am an inattentive idiot and not that I don't care about her, and that I would pay more attention in the future...

And then she kept saying that I was an insensitive loser and THAT WAS WHY I HAD NO FRIENDS...
I just really....really don't like her tone....I know she has a right to be mad but sometimes its like, get a grip! Just verbally attacking me over and over and making me feel like general trash, its hard to take it and sometimes I really just explode.....And then she complains about my bad attitude and I say "Well how else am I supposed to react, when you blow things way out of proportion and insult my very being?" and then she says "Just because I have a bad attitude doesn't mean you have to"...Unbelievable.....and she says, "With that attitude, no wonder you DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!"
It really hurt me...because I confided in her about my social anxiety and she abuses it in every argument we ever get into, and it really pushes my buttons

And like, when am I ever gonna run into a situation where a friend verbally insults me over and over again over a mistake I apologized for? Is that really MY fault for getting angry?

Then when I try to calm down and comfort her she shuts down and says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, while looking clearly pissed off and acting like she won't talk to me for weeks....and I just feel the need to resolve the situation because theres always so much tension for weeks its unbearable. I really want to resolve this because honestly we were both hurt from this but anytime I try to talk about how her words hurt ME, she always has to make it about her and how I'm being insensitive for talking about my feelings when she is the one who was wronged... its like she can never accept that her words can be hurtful and always has to put the blame for every argument 100% on my shoulders

Or maybe I'm just being fking selfish, I don't know. After every one of these mistakes I retreat back into my cave and don't talk to people for weeks ><

Its like night and day, like most of the time my mom is super nice to me when I don't make mistakes but anytime I screw up she doesn't talk to me for weeks and it makes me feel like an alien...ughhh i just wanna get rid of all these feelings of frustrations and anger after every mistake I make...it always has to involve and intertwine everything


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## Paper Crane (Jun 6, 2014)

You're definitely not selfish. Admittedly having to wait for someone is a little annoying, but you didn't do it on purpose and you apologized for what happened. I think when you're mom really gets on your case, it might be because you're _her _only real real friend.

She told you that you don't have friends but you do. You were late because you were busy talking to one--which is really normal and healthy. It's almost like she resents you for having other people in your life or something. Maybe she's used to you being alone and having to talk to her about everything. You said you confided in her about your SA, so it seems like you two are close in your own way.

When your mom get really emotional it's probably best not to feed into it. She'll say something harsh, then you will (rightly) feel offended and say something harsher, and then it become this viscous cycle. Just say things like, "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I see things differently." Statements that don't fuel the fire. When she's not talking to you don't become desperate for attention, act as if everything is normal. Say things out loud that don't really need responses from her. Comment on the weather or television. DO NOT ask her questions because that make it easier for her to ignore you.

Hope this helps. Mom's are tough, and it sucks when you feel like you don't see eye to eye with yours.


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