# Workplace bullying or just the way normal people behave



## OverSensitive (Jun 23, 2013)

I'm still feeling traumatised from the last few jobs I had. I had a really bad run I think, one after the other where I think I was bullied pretty badly. 

In one job, I was in a small team with three other women. One of these women took a real disliking to me after a couple of days - I don't know why? I think she was jealous of something. Anyways she started being really awful towards me - she would make snide remarks about me constantly. If I said I liked something - she would go on and on about how crap it was. She would insinuate that I was stupid and then when I would try to convince her that I was intelligent she would start calling me arrogant and say that I had a need to make myself seem smarter than others. It was a catch 22 and in the end I realised that and decided to ignore her as much as I could. I realised I couldnt' win. 

That was all very well and good - however, when she realised she couldn't effect me directly anymore she started convincing the other women on the team that my behaviour was bad, and that I was a freak, and then they started to gang up on me and criticise and scrutinise me constantly. 

The kinds of things they would gang up on me about would be my lack of social skills - we had to go to people's houses to install things, and I am shy, so I would let the others greet the client and what not. I would just kind of stand back and watch. So they would make comments about how some people just need to be nicer, some people should really try to make others feel more comfortable. Then it might be the colour of my hair, or the fact that I wore a different kind of shirt than they did, or the fact that I smoked at the time. Anything really. 

I just felt like they were attacking the core of my being. The more they attacked, the worse I felt, and I just deflated bit by bit. When I was temporarily put in another team I was almost ecstatic - I relaxed, could have conversations with people, joke around, be happy. Then I had to back to my team again and I just felt awful.

I went above their heads to the site leader and asked to be put in another team. They agreed - however, before I was put in another team, we all had to undergo training for a week. During this time the woman who was my team leader drove the bus that took us all to the training. Because of this I drove myself to avoid her. Unfortunately, she is a motormouth, and obviously had feelings about me wanting to leave her team. So she told everyone on that bus everything she knew about me. 

The resulting week of training was one of the worst times of my life I've had to endure. The people were SO AWFUL to me. They made fun of EVERY LITTLE THING I DID. I walked away from that job - I was crushed. I know this might sound melodramatic but it put me into a deep depression and I ended up getting into a road rage incident because of it. I was so full of anger over the way they treated me that I was hypersensitive to any slight leveled against me. 

So I now have a criminal record and find it really hard to get a new job because of it. 

Anyways I would say that that situation was a case of bullying - the thing is, this has happened more than once to me. So many times now that I can no longer accept that it's not due to me. There must be something deeply flawed about ME that makes people target me like this. Right? 

Can anyone else shed some light on this? Offer opinions? Please try to be kind...


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

Did you ever take action with HR in any of your previous jobs?

If not, I think the fact that you didn't really do anything to combat the bullying and harassment worked against you. Especially at work when you will see most of the same people every day, it's not something that will go away just because they don't get a reaction out of you. They will find a way to make you look like a bad fit, a bad person, etc. You need to nip it in the bud right away or it will just spread and get worse.


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## OverSensitive (Jun 23, 2013)

I did try when I asked for a transfer to another team. They said they understand but I felt like they thought I was being overdramatic. But they granted the transfer anyway. Then after the training incident I did try to talk to them about it again but they again acted like I was being overdramatic and that's when I left. So I guess my attempts at solving the problem didn't really work that well for me. That leaves me with a feeling of powerlessness.


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## ShakeyHands (Aug 28, 2012)

I understand how you feel. I left a job in the last year in which i felt like i was being bullied (albeit that's not primarily why I left). 

The issue of "is something inherently wrong with you", i think ppl like you and I are socially different and somehow even without much output ppl can see and determine that. Ppl like you and I who are not comfortable in social situations stick out like sore thumbs. This in turn angers them and they take it out on us.

I believe that if something is continually happening that there must be a reason for it. I've had many ppl in different environments react in similar fashions to me even tho they've never met one another. Some ppl tell me that its coincidence or that something must me wrong with everyone else but that is unlikely. I think it's more then likely something about us illicits this response. 

I'm not really sure of a solution. The fact that you requested a transfer is a good thing. That's all you really could've done. Things like this is what caused me too to become antagonistic because I've found that a lot of ppl feed off of weakness when they see it from ppl like you and me. 

It sounds bad but sometimes being the first to strike is the only solution...


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Sounds like they felt you weren't pulling your weight of the work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nothing123 (Oct 3, 2014)

I'm so sorry to hear about this :/ 
I've had similar things happen to me at work.. Thankfully not resulting in a criminal record, but still a traumatised person afterwards, none the less....

Altho im alot stronger and wiser now, i understand where ur coming from, and ur depression and anxiety stemmed from those other co workers and their negativity towards you..

All i can say is, when there is a problem, and someone is being rude and attacking you or bullying...SAY something then and there.. I realised the reason i got bullied from job after job after job, wasnt cos i was an unlikeable person.. i was just quieter and _*different.*_

And even tho its hard, its better to use a bit extra energy to smile and "pretend" ur confident...

We get picked on cos we're nice and an easy target.

Thats all that it is. It's hierarchy and power. It's bullsh*t, but true.


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## Melzy3 (Apr 1, 2013)

Ive been in the same situation and quit jobs because I got so sick of dealing with rude people,I have post traumatic stress from these jobs I worked at,I worked very hard and never called off but had coworkers giving me trouble and the boss did nothing,I lost a job that paid $16 an hour because of a stupid jealous ***** I worked with,I cant stand catty *****es that pick on the nice quiet women,but there will always be us and them,luckily now I have a job where I work with all men and no one bothers me


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