# People yawn when I talk



## Richard83

I've heard several times in evaluations (after school/uni presentations for example) that I have a rather monotone voice. Having SA and very low self esteem, I find it painful and quite rude when people start yawning when I'm talking to them. It happened in personal conversations, my previous therapist did it, and two days ago my current therapist also wasn't able to suppress the urge to yawn when I told him a story. 

If I feel the urge to yawn during a conversation, I always suppress it, because to me it feels like a non-verbal way of saying "Oh my god, you are boring, please stop talking!". It's a form of rejection. And I especially think a therapist should try to avoid yawning when a person who is already down with low self esteem, starts talking. 

It's discouraging when you finally decide to open up to people, and they just yawn at you. Any of you recognize this?


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## level4

Give em a yawn back when they start talking 

On a serious note, i know what you mean, i too wouldn't yawn when someone is speaking to me (unless it's my brother) but at the same time, i wouldn't let it bother me too much if it happened to me, it could mean a lot of things, maybe they didn't get much sleep the night before, maybe they are relaxed around you, sometimes what seems like the obvious reason (them not being interested) may not be the case at all.

One thing SA has shown me is not to second-guess people, i tended to assume lots of things but they very often turned out to be wrong.


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## TheVoid

Yea, out of all people, a therapist should know better. You can actually tell him how you feel.


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## archenemy

*yawn!!*

Omg i would yell at my therapist for yawning at me!! I bet theres lotsa interesting things about u! Who likes giving a speech anyway in front of people? I sure dont...


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## harrison

I can actually tell you a funny story about this - I had a therapist a very long time ago - he was an old dutch guy who saw people for free in a community centre. At the time I was more lonely than depressed and would go and see him quite regularly.

One time he did more than yawn - he was so tired of listening to me talking he sort of rubbed his face and stretched backwards - the sort of thing you do when you're really tired and fed up - it was actually very funny at the time and I understood completely, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey. 

I wouldn't worry too much in your case - maybe just try and put a bit more intonation into your words? I'm sure he probably didn't mean any harm.


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## riderless

I'd say nothing to worry about until they start snoring.


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## Logan429

Well on the bright side, you could make probably make a good hypnotist.


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## Sonnyboy

People yawn periodically its going to happen sometimes when you talk to people.


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## MrKappa

Richard83 said:


> If I feel the urge to yawn during a conversation, I always suppress it, because to me it feels like a non-verbal way of saying "Oh my god, you are boring, please stop talking!"


You are probably relaxing.

People can't scientifically explain what a yawn is, so there is no reason to think it has anything to do with boredom.

You're comfortable to be around.

People don't yawn when they feel threatened, or tensed, or stressed out.


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## Richard83

Sonnyboy said:


> People yawn periodically its going to happen sometimes when you talk to people.


That's like saying to someone with SA: "oh, we are all nervous from time to time". It's about severity/frequency. Assuming you have SA as well, you should know better than the comment you just made.


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## Sonnyboy

Richard83 said:


> That's like saying to someone with SA: "oh, we are all nervous from time to time". It's about severity/frequency. Assuming you have SA as well, you should know better than the comment you just made.


 Many people are not that entertaining and people yawn when people talk sometimes. I think worrying about things like this can kind of hand cuff us. you might be putting to much pressure on yourself to be entertaining. A lot of people don't even think about things like this and that is probably one reason they can probably socialize better, they can just be natural without second guessing so much.


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## markwalters2

Richard83 said:


> I've heard several times in evaluations (after school/uni presentations for example) that I have a rather monotone voice. Having SA and very low self esteem, I find it painful and quite rude when people start yawning when I'm talking to them. It happened in personal conversations, my previous therapist did it, and two days ago my current therapist also wasn't able to suppress the urge to yawn when I told him a story.
> 
> If I feel the urge to yawn during a conversation, I always suppress it, because to me it feels like a non-verbal way of saying "Oh my god, you are boring, please stop talking!". It's a form of rejection. And I especially think a therapist should try to avoid yawning when a person who is already down with low self esteem, starts talking.
> 
> It's discouraging when you finally decide to open up to people, and they just yawn at you. Any of you recognize this?


_*yawn*_


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## rick1234

*Voice Problem?*

I have had the same problem in the last few years, my voice has changed to some kind of mono tone. I think my acid reflux has changed my vocal cords some way and I make people yawn, I cant say a complete sentence, without someone trying to hold back their yawn. Seriously, like a quick hypnotic suggestion. First I thought what I was saying was boring, or I was long winded so I would hardly speak a sentence afraid to make them yawn. But then I realized that even to order coffee at the drive through. The clerk could not keep a simple coffee order straight. Not just one time, I mean every time, (Dumb asses). Tried speaking the order slowly to no avail, different tones of voice seemed to work a little better, without sounding like a complete idiot. No it has nothing to do with being boring, I am far from boring, Don't seem to have this problem when partying (drinking) I'm pretty sure on this. A little louder voice or change of tone maybe the difference. I am positive I could hypnotize a person in 30 seconds if I learned the art. Hmm, watching my friends bop around like chickens. Payback!


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## Vsb74seb

Im very happy to hear that im not the only one who is obsessed with people yawning at me. I noticed more than 3 years ago that people sometimes yawn a lot when i interagt with them - therefore i have used a lot of time thinking about, why they do it, and i have done some fieldtesting. I have come to some conclusions i can share with you guys: I didnt find that me being boring to talk to was the reason people yawned at me. If people thought I was boring, they would either ignore me, try to be polite about or try to get out of the conversation. But they wouldnt nessesarily yawn. What i found, was that people yawned at me either because my head was overheated or their head was overheated. I think the theory that yawning cools the brain is true. When peoples brain was working hard when interagting with me, during school work or if they were tired, their brains way of getting rid of the building heat would be to yawn, like the rest of the body sweat to get rid of heat. I also think the theory that yawning is linked to empathy is true. This is why people would yawn, when my head was overheated. Because of bad social skills, my brain would frequently overheat when being in social situations/ conversations. People would could tell by my facial expression and my voice that i was overheating, and their natural response is to yawn. They yawned, because they empatized with me, mirrored me and started to feel heat in their brain too. I could even make people yawn by looking at them with an overheated head when i walked past them. When they yawned, it was like them telling me: " I see you are overheating - remember to yawn!" This natural response was smart for the prehistoric human on the savannah, because the contagious yawning kept everbody cool-headed and straight thinking. So when people yawn, try not to take it as an offense but yawn with them and cool your head. Most people are totally unaware of why they yawn - they purely act on instincts. I know some people might yawn intensionally to signal they are bored - these yawns are false and easy to identify. But when people yawn falsely, it is still because they want your brainfunction to rise, so that you can challenge and train their brain. Dont be mad about the existence of yawning - be happy, without it our brains would take damage from overheating.


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## The Sleeping Dragon

Vsb74seb said:


> Im very happy to hear that im not the only one who is obsessed with people yawning at me. I noticed more than 3 years ago that people sometimes yawn a lot when i interagt with them - therefore i have used a lot of time thinking about, why they do it, and i have done some fieldtesting. I have come to some conclusions i can share with you guys: I didnt find that me being boring to talk to was the reason people yawned at me. If people thought I was boring, they would either ignore me, try to be polite about or try to get out of the conversation. But they wouldnt nessesarily yawn. What i found, was that people yawned at me either because my head was overheated or their head was overheated. I think the theory that yawning cools the brain is true. When peoples brain was working hard when interagting with me, during school work or if they were tired, their brains way of getting rid of the building heat would be to yawn, like the rest of the body sweat to get rid of heat. I also think the theory that yawning is linked to empathy is true. This is why people would yawn, when my head was overheated. Because of bad social skills, my brain would frequently overheat when being in social situations/ conversations. People would could tell by my facial expression and my voice that i was overheating, and their natural response is to yawn. They yawned, because they empatized with me, mirrored me and started to feel heat in their brain too. I could even make people yawn by looking at them with an overheated head when i walked past them. When they yawned, it was like them telling me: " I see you are overheating - remember to yawn!" This natural response was smart for the prehistoric human on the savannah, because the contagious yawning kept everbody cool-headed and straight thinking. So when people yawn, try not to take it as an offense but yawn with them and cool your head. Most people are totally unaware of why they yawn - they purely act on instincts. I know some people might yawn intensionally to signal they are bored - these yawns are false and easy to identify. But when people yawn falsely, it is still because they want your brainfunction to rise, so that you can challenge and train their brain. Dont be mad about the existence of yawning - be happy, without it our brains would take damage from overheating.


That's facinating! A quick google search led me to:

http://scienceblogs.com/grrlscientist/2008/12/17/yawning-and-thermoregulation-i/

It makes sense. No wonder yawning is so infectious.


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## SplendidBob

Yawning is a subconscious thing and people yawn for all kinds of reasons so are you absolutely certain this is due to them being bored?

1)Confirmation bias / Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Since you are acutely aware of it you will now observe every single instance of people yawning, and will probably feel like you see it more often than you used to. You will attribute every instance to them being bored (even if there are other causes). These are common cognitive distortions esp re anxiety.

2)A monotone voice imo wouldn't be able to induce someone to be so bored and fatigued they yawn by accident. A friend of mine has a monotone voice and I cannot recall anyone around him yawning (and he really likes to talk). A monotone voice would be waaaay down the list of reasons why someone would yawn I think.

3)Most importantly, yawning probably doesn't actually reliably signify boredom. It is true we are more likely to yawn if we are tired or bored, but a yawn doesn't mean someone _has to be_ bored, because people often yawn when they cannot possibly be bored (e.g. skydiving). The most likely explanation, they saw someone else nearby yawn.

Honestly, please don't take this the wrong way, I am not dismissing your experience or anything like that, its just that I suspect it is unlikely your voice is inducing yawning in the people you speak to. Us anxious folk often make these kinds of assumptions (I make them myself) and I would be surprised if this is what you think it is.


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## Owl Eyes

Call them out. That outta wake them up.


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## IcedOver

Several times when I've been briefing this guy at work on a project, he has started nodding off. I also have a monotone, bass voice. 

If you can find it, watch the fifth season premiere of "Louie" (I think that's the episode). He goes to his therapist and tells him he's depressed. While he's talking, the therapist nods off.


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## twitchy666

*I get head-in-hands*

oh-no

give-up

I had a deep superior feeling towards stupid people, wanting to enlighten them, surprise & teach 'em. I'm adapting a bit to meld with them. Not for long, when my experiment is concluded

Trying to fit in is impossible. I expect them to fit in with me, for their own good


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## JohnDoe26

Could be a coincidence (that you're therapists were just having a long day and they were just tired).

But if you do have that kind of voice that makes people bored and tired, you could consider doing ASMR videos to help people get to sleep


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## Farideh

Just be straightforward and ask them if you're boring them. That puts them on the spot. Why would you be afraid to be rude back to someone who's being rude to you? I have absolutely no problem being a jerk back to someone who was rude to me first.


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## MoonlitMadness

I've heard that if you yawn when someone is talking to you, it means you're a good listener. Yawning sends oxygen to the brain, which makes you more alert. It only means they are trying to listen to you!!


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## Richard83

MoonlitMadness said:


> I've heard that if you yawn when someone is talking to you, it means you're a good listener. Yawning sends oxygen to the brain, which makes you more alert. It only means they are trying to listen to you!!


If it is indeed true that one yawns because the brain needs more oxygen (which I don't believe is true), you can also turn it around: the story/voice is so boring that the brain needs more oxygen to stay awake.

Anyway, ***** it, I gave up trying a long time ago.


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## Still Waters

I have a relative who has a VERY monotone voice. Even when I'm determined to focus on what he's saying,I'll find my thoughts inevitably wandering. I don't intend for this to happen and do try to maintain eye contact (helps a little). I wonder if speech therapy would help with intonation?


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## shyshisho

At my last job interview I had to give a presentation, which was filmed. During my talk the cameraman let out a huge yawn. The search committee kind of flinched. I didn't get the job needless to say.


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## Canadian Brotha

I hate when people do this but I recognize it's not always because I'm boring them even though that's what I instinctively think due to SA


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## prairiedreamer

I have never noticed anyone yawning when I talk. I'm not sure if it's because they don't yawn, or because I don't notice it when they do.
If you think your intonation/monotone is a problem, just try speaking with more energy. Like you think the topic is really exciting or interesting.
People tend to interrupt me or just stop listening, rather than yawning. It's irritating. What's interesting though, is when I smoke marijuana (NOT saying you should smoke marijuana), I naturally speak with a lot more emotion and people _never, ever, interrupt_ and they usually listen intently the entire time. So clearly energy has a big impact on how someone speaks. I know this is part of social anxiety...being self-conscious, including about how we're talking, but it might help to just let loose a little bit?


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