# Sticky  Share your Personal Story of Change!



## Drew

Hello everyone,

I'm making this thread to see if anyone is willing to share their experiences with social anxiety for a new "Personal Stories of Change" section that we will be adding to Social Anxiety Support soon.

I understand that many people on the forums are still very much struggling with social anxiety, but I also know there are some people who have made significant positive changes in their lives and still enjoy being part of the SAS community.

These stories are not meant to be provided as medical advice or as a specific path one struggling with social anxiety should take, but rather for inspiration to take action and the hope for a better life.

We envision something similar to what the Social Anxiety Institute has on their website, but our goal is to represent the multitude of different paths people take to make positive changes in their lives. An example of one of their video stories can be seen here: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/video-1.html

A rough version of the new section can be seen here, with some real content and some filler:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/stories/

Your story can be submitted in either written or video form, whichever you prefer. Also, we are glad to post your story under your first name, nickname, a fake name or anonymously.

If you're interested take a look at the story submission page here:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/misc.php?do=form&fid=1

Let me know if you have any questions, either in this thread, by PM or by email.

Thanks,
Drew


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## RubyTuesday

Here is my story so far...

I haven't been here in about a year.

Since then, I've tried Lexapro and gotten a job where I'm mostly only dealing with a couple of people at a time (which really is comfortable for me).
I'm considering going back on Lexapro cos of how it reduced symptoms. I've joined a group for people with SA and shyness, we're meeting this time next week. And I'm considering doing Group Therapy CBT and exposure sessions (with psychotherapists in training, however, since they are so much less expensive!!!).

Some things I wanted to say regarding how I've progressed...

Shame and judgements about having this "disorder" perpetuate it. I believe that shame will keep a person locked in this same lonely and painful experience. Judgements and shame exasperate anxiety and they also stop a person from doing what they actually can do, step-by-step, to positively change: it's like expecting perfection when your perception of what this even is is incorrect. And trying to do too much, whilst not doing what you actually can do.

I think that the world around and ourselves also, make add-ons to this condition. Judgements. 

Only after being pushed to my limit did I seek help -facing up to having this; then facing my need to get some balance back by taking medication; and now, more recently, joining up in a group of people in my same position. With this Group Therapy that I'm also considering, we'll be doing Exposure Therapy (where we put ourselves in situations where we're accustomed to feeling phobic in).

...What have been and still are my judgements about having Social Anxiety...???

-That I am weak, inferior and pathetic for getting so overwhelmingly nervous around people
- That I have an innate "loser" complex that renders me forever inferior to other people
- That I am doomed to a life of utter loneliness and deprivation

...Thus, I have mostly spent the past decade (in which I've suffered from this) hiding from the world ...waiting it out... hoping I'd snap out of it and become like a normal, adequate member of society.

...Which didn't cure me of my social anxiety. And when I did venture out again, it came back -aborting any new friendships I was forming and getting me fired from two jobs in a row. ...And then leading to profound depression and despair.

-The point I am trying to make with all this is that shame and the judgements about being this way I think keep a person locked in. 

So, let's take the opposite approach then: instead of feeling ashamed about this and instead of adding-on judgements, I'll reduce this to what I actually believe it is -what social anxiety really is at its heart.
-Namely: it is high sensitivity, a propensity towards shyness and bashfulness, and quite possibly a great scope for empathising with different people. 

...The negatives of being this way, can be grouped in what it means to suffer from social anxiety disorder, S.A.D. 

But it needn't be a DISORDER. It could be a personality trait.

Take away the judgements, the immense shame for being so highly sensitive... Train yourself with CBT, exposure therapy, group therapy ...Take medication if it has all spiralled out of control ..Join meetup groups with people who have SA and go to them ...accept the seeming silliness of feeling so self conscious without judging it ...think of how relatively fine it is to basically be very shy and sensitive -when there are so worse things a person could be. 

...Essentially, act in ways you would act if you weren't ashamed about being so sensitive. 

That's all I think this is. ...High sensitivity, that makes being out in the world a challenge, but a challenge that can be handled and even potentially mastered. 

It's the judgements based on shame (-the REAL definition for Social Anxiety???!!!!:yes) that take a a highly sensitive disposition and make it something crippling and disabling. 

In short: think and act, and believe, that the way you actually are, at heart, is perfectly acceptable in this world. You will have to adjust, but the adjustment is likely no where near so massive as your shame and doubt would have you believe.


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## MisterJ25

*Emotional Breakdown, Weed, and Weezer*

!


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## sherbert

*Not to steal your thunder (awesome job BTW!!!)*

Weellllll. It has been about three years since I have posted anything in this forum. In the depths of my depression- overcoming it and my social phobia seemed insurmountable, it was difficult at times to just bath or brush my teeth. Speaking was pure misery, every word was hinged on absolutist notions and intense fears. It was crushing.

I have worked for many, many years trying to control this disorder. Which meant me toilng away in therapy, getting down to brass-tacks. Also it meant figuring out what medication worked (and) what made me too loopy. I did/ still do read a lot of self-help books too.

So some really awesome successes:

Got a job requiring constant interaction with people, stayed at that job for close to three years.

Applied for the a full-time position at said company. Applied for a management position at said company. Applied for same management position at said company.

Went on a camping/kayaking trip with a bunch of guys, only one of whom I actually knew well.

Traveled on an international flight to visit my brother who resides in Poland.

Took walks in the neighborhood daily. Tapered off ALL of my psych meds with little negative repercussions.

Hung out at a close friend's house, where she had six other people visiting as well.

Exhibited some of my artwork. Won two merit awards for the pieces that I entered. Gloated in the fuzzy warmth of artistic recognition.

I have come a long way from the scared, lonely person that I once was- it can be really surreal thinking about it. (And) there's still a lot of work that I have to do, that's life! It is a constant work-in-progress, editing and modifying as we move forward. 
This is where my plug for motivating that person who was (as I was) comes in. It is going to be an absolute ***** and for a long time you will question why you even get up in the morning. Then a success comes and it feels great! You feel a little less anxious and there is a glimmer of hope. That hope has a sort of snowball effect that soon makes you try harder to over-come your disorder. Plus it gets easier to quell the little self-loathing inner-voice. You start to internalize therapy, speaking becomes easier and more casual. Then maintaining a productive outlook becomes easier, not easy, but easier. It is a *****, but it is worth all of the effort. I wake up some mornings just smiling. No longer being trapped by the confines of your mind, it is a liberation beyond words!!! One more exclamation point!

*keep in mind that it is 3:26 a.m. and I am having difficulty sleeping. This post will most likely be horribly disjointed!


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## Sh0nn0n

*My Strory*

My social anxiety began in about 9th grade, and now i am currently in 12th grade. This year the anxiety and depression really hit me to the point that i was barely going to school. I started going to therapy and then was recommend to go to AIOP (adolescent intensive outpatient). I stated taking medication and attending therapy and it was still not completely working. Then i was told that I was not going to graduate high school. This made me feel even worse, but i decided to start going everyday and see what i could do about it. Recently I requested for an appeal for my attendance. The decision was made that I will be able to graduate. This was the best news i could even receive. I want to continue going to school and attend a community college next year, in a nursing program. My story shows that even though you may have put yourself to a point were you believe cannot come back, you can.


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## JohnH

ShOnnOn

What a great story, you took some action steps, persisted through feeling bad and got some very good results, congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!!!!!

John H


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## snappyfringes

After joining an church youth group with my race group I actually learned some social skills and then I left it because people weren't really talking to me anymore. Then I went to a more diverse group and so far they've been nice. And after a couple weeks people from my old church called me up because they missed me after not ever hanging out with me once btw... and we're planning to do some stuff over the summer. I also have one friend who has social anxiety problems as well and we watch movies together a few times a month. Also abandoned the people who never call me and write to me on facebook. My life seems fuller and more happier. It could be better, but for now this is really great progress.


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## anxiousgirl79

I began a positive blog to help myself and give encouragement to others. I am proud that in a month and a half 538 people in 173 people have read it. This has help keep me focused on my journey and given me a new purpose in life...to help others that suffer from anxiety. I am considering going back to school and getting my Master's Degree in Social Work or Counseling.


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## LifeWar

..


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## mevsme

Hey guys.
I've been really shy all of my life and thought it was just part of my personality. I became sick of being so shy and not doing what I wanted and thought, "Why can't I do this?" I used to have very low self-esteem. I thought if what I wanted didn't come to me than I would never get it. I hated letting people walk all over me but didn't want to say no because I didn't want to start an argument. But then I thought, "Well if I say no and they get angry at me, than they're stupid and our relationship isn't worth it." People look down at you for not stepping up. They take advantage of kindness and I'm sick of making all the sacrifices. I've become more confident and proud of myself. I take more care in my looks and wear much nicer clothes than I used to. I know that other people are wrong sometimes and I can't let their negativity stop me from getting what I want. I know who I am, and that's all that matters. 
I try to be very friendly towards people but if they disrespect me or I don't like them then I won't. People get what they deserve.
Of course I still have battles with insecurities so I don't think I'm quite where I would like to be at when it comes to self esteem. I struggle with acne and weight issues that keep my confidence low. But that's gonna change.  It will take time but with effort I know I can do it. I take extra care for my skin, diet, and exercise. 
I'm still really shy when it comes to cute boys though, haha. And I'm still a quiet person, that's part of my personality and won't change. I'm just not energetic and outgoing. But I've grown a lot and I can talk to people if I really want to. I can voice my opinion and not feel like I'm wrong.
Battling with social anxiety has helped me with other things. I can do what I want without holding myself back. I feel like it's worth to at least try.


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## epostler

Mine is so minor compared to everyone else, but to me it was a HUGE step. I walked out of my dorm and i passed this girl and i said hi. It was the first thing i said to anyone in college. I also said hi to another girl yesterday and since then have no spoken a word. But that's two hi's so i'm proud of my tiny steps towards getting better. Tiny steps to recovery. 
My goal is to strike up a conversation with some stranger, but i think that'll be a few more years......


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## GrowingImp

epostler said:


> Mine is so minor compared to everyone else, but to me it was a HUGE step. I walked out of my dorm and i passed this girl and i said hi. It was the first thing i said to anyone in college. I also said hi to another girl yesterday and since then have no spoken a word. But that's two hi's so i'm proud of my tiny steps towards getting better. Tiny steps to recovery.
> My goal is to strike up a conversation with some stranger, but i think that'll be a few more years......


few years.. your kidding me! why not tomorrow??


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## alexe

hi was wondering if anyone could give me any advice

i sufferd from servere anxiety about a year ago which caused depresion because i could not leave the house . i started gettin CBT , my therapist set me goals to go out i would do this but i could only go out if i had been drinking. i would have to drink a bottle of vodka in order to be able to go out.after a while of CBT i didnt have to drink any more and it felt like i was completely cured i would go out and ,not drink because i had to ,but because i wanted to ,because i woudnt be anxtious like i was before. CBT really helped . i started going back to school and bacame happy again as my anxiety felt like it had gone . the weekend i left school i was stupid and took lots of drugs and started hallucinating causing me to get very anxious and now im right back were i started im not able to leave my house and have started getting deppressed again. i realy dont want to go back to how it was before as i was so depressed i tryed to kill myself . but its starting to get like that again. that weekend was a while ago now and i still havent recoverd i am still extremly anxious when im around people i get so paranoid and feel like everyone is looking at me and talking about me , so i have started drinking again so i can cope and i have become dependant on alcahol . please can someone help me as this is ruining my life .


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## Favturquoise

Okay. So I am and have always been sort of a shy, anti-social girl. In the past, I used to have anxiety attacks when I would be around huge groups of people. So just recently, I started a "homemaker" mom group. This is a group that allows for children to play together w/ other kids who usually just sit around at home all day. This is also a way for moms to chit chat too! Anyhow, I am so surprised that I even started a group. When people started actually showing up, I could feel my heart just pounding away and I started feeling a little light-headed. But I still stayed and greeted myself to the other moms. I am so surprised that I did this and I know I socialize in a small group. Oh yea!


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## honeybear1990

epostler said:


> Mine is so minor compared to everyone else, but to me it was a HUGE step. I walked out of my dorm and i passed this girl and i said hi. It was the first thing i said to anyone in college. I also said hi to another girl yesterday and since then have no spoken a word. But that's two hi's so i'm proud of my tiny steps towards getting better. Tiny steps to recovery.
> My goal is to strike up a conversation with some stranger, but i think that'll be a few more years......


If it's huge to you, then it matters. A step is a step no matter what size  Good for you!


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## Mae West

I've had SA and been "shy" (whatever that means) since I was in 4th grade. My SA developed because I had introvert parents, introvert friends and I was a 130 pound 4th grader that got teased a lot. Naturally, middle school and high school years kinda sucked for me. I didn't have friends and was scared to talk to people. My only good friend was another shy girl who was also quite anti social and put me down all the time. I did the whole "eat lunch in the bathroom thing" during hs and did not have a boyfriend until senior year of hs. I ended up going to a community college my senior year of high school which was really good for me. I graduated college with a ba and later a bs. I now a have a very good job that I am proud of. Along the way I've taken care of my physical appearence and my relationships with men and dating have been fairly "normal." What i need to work on is developing good female friendships and expressing myself more honestly with people. I still hide behind a kind of "polite" facade that I think turns people off. I'd like to make a good group of female friends and have parties at my place without fear that no one will show up. I hope my story helped somebody or at least entertained.


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## camtrol

I made my own small triumph over SA a number of years ago when i decided not to hide the fact that i was bipolar and actually had socail phobias anymore. I finally figured out after a couple of years that trying to lie about my mental problems was only adding to the social stigma of those same problems and i didn't want to do that anymore. I figure that if i had cancer or some other disease i wouldn't be so afraid to tell people and if they can't handle the truth they shouldn't have asked me about my problems in the first place. I'm not ashamed to be sick because that would only make me more sick. I'm not saying i embrace my illnesses just that i don't hide them at all and i'm willing to talk to people about their implications and repercussions on my life.


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## theuprising

SA is all in your head. I still have a f3cked up subconscious but I know how to cope with it now, CBT helped a lot though, looking deep at my own beliefs and changing them. 

But what helped the most was the concept of mindsets and the idea that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts come at you but only have an emotional impact if you buy into the reality of them, and when I'm feeling really down in the dumps I just recognize that I have a sh1tty mindset and change it to a more self serving one.


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## rytaco

Try to make this is short as possible.

I'm new here, and excited about this place. Few people know about my anxiety and the damaged it's caused besides my girlfriend, a few close friends, and my family. Still fewer know about the triumphs I've had over it

I remember when I was 13, I had my first moment of irrational anxiety ever. I was sitting with a teacher, and all of a sudden, my face started to get red. It got redder and redder and redder until she noticed and said I looked sick. She excused me to go to the nurse. I don't know what happened, but that day, I swear a switch was turned on in my brain that remains to this day. 

Highschool was sweating and blushing and shaking. I was tired all day, could barely concentrate. But I had friends, people liked me. I hated myself. When I was 17, I learned that I had celiac disease (can't eat wheat/gluten- no cookie cake pizza doughnuts bread pie etc). Amazingly, the removal of these foods from my diet took my anxiety way down. I felt more clear headed and confident. I looked fitter and healthier.

In college, that switch I mentioned earlier still existed despite the gluten free diet. I felt anxious and nervous all the time- though less in severity. But I definitely still had a disorder. I kicked a girl out of my room once before hooking up because I was so afraid of not being able to perform.

Still, everyday I found myself getting better. On top of the diet, my doctor helped me discover meditation to control my blood pressure. THis helped alot. Then two things happened this past year that almost killed me:

- I did mushrooms
-my parents got divorced

I'll save the mushroom talk for another time... but it gave me profound insights into life/ religion... but it also changed my anxiety in a unique and puzzling way... I started having panic attacks that were related to metaphysical/philosophical issues.

Luckily, these attacks were extremely intermittent. Also, they occured so infrequently that I did not seek help for them... until I came home from school may of 2010 and my family moved- me with my mom and dad to an apartment. Until that time, the attacks had only happened 3 times or so, and at school. 
It appeared that my anxiety was so severe that it was causing me to separate from reality via a panic attack- and that the mushrooms may have helped train my brain to do this. My formal diagnosis is still GAD- I'm currently med free and happy. Still have the hot girlfriend who stuck with me the whole way! Still have my buddhism and faith (which the mushrooms gave me- don't regret em!) Still have my life! Still in college and getting A's- and now I have this forum to share in. THanks guys... sorry for the length


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## trendyfool

These stories make me so happy and proud of everyone!!! It's so amazing to hear how much people have grown. rytaco, you've taken all your experiences and learned from them without being bitter about your struggles, and theuprising I totally know what you're saying about thoughts--having bad thoughts doesn't make you a bad person.

So as for me...I'm a senior in high school right now. I'm not graduating this year. I've missed so much school over the past three years. So in terms of factual evidence you could say I haven't made much progress. But in other ways I've made a lot. I've come a long way from the person I was two years ago.

I was always a shy kid, and I remember feeling like I couldn't say what I wanted to to other kids as early as age 4. I always had at least one friend growing up but things were always strange and unsatisfactory for me socially--I always felt that I couldn't communicate with anyone. 

That continued until about 10th grade. That year it finally became clear that I had severe depression. I stopped going to school for a long time, and since then I just haven't been going consistently. I started getting paranoid, and I saw government plots everywhere that I read about in sketchy online forums. I played computer games about six hours every day, and I started to cut myself...it was a horrible period of my life. Then I got obsessed with personality tests for about a year, I literally thought about nothing else.

Anyway, things started to get a little better after that. As of about 8 months ago I'm paranoia-free and haven't been obsessed with anything. 

but the big change happened a few months ago. I tried to kill myself, and I was sent to the hospital. I met so many amazing people there who made me realize some important things:

1) that you can have a mental illness and still live life to its fullest
2) that no one deserves to hate themselves, including me
3 that I don't have to be ashamed of having social anxiety and depression

since then I've accepted a lot of stuff about myself I used to hate. I know I'm an anxious person, that I tend to obsess over things, and that I overanalyze social situations. And I know that I'll be able to live relatively happily as I learn how to deal with these parts of my personality. I started CBT and I love my therapist, it's really helping and I'd recommend CBT to anyone who has the option of using it. I've kept in touch with my hospital friends, and I've started talking to more people from my school. I have four or so close friends and I love them so much. That they stick with me means the world to me. I've been realizing that I'm a good person who has a lot to offer to my friends, and that if I just start talking to people it makes me happy. Also, I've started dressing sort of fashionably, and that makes me feel a lot better about myself.

I still need to go to school way more, and I still yo-yo between pretty bad anxiety and feeling okay every couple weeks (I just started to feel okay again). But I've already gotten a lot better and I know I'll keep recovering. I'm actually fine with not graduating on time because I wouldn't have been ready for college. I hope to go to a four-year college at some point and major in english.Anyway not the most dramatic story but yeah  you guys are awesome


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## ImmortalxApathy

I still haven't changed. LoL. I have done little steps here and there, But it only makes me feel worse when I do because it's all too uncomfortable for me to step forward. So, I would rather not deal with any of it, To avoid the uncomfortableness.


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## trendyfool

ImmortalxApathy said:


> I still haven't changed. LoL. I have done little steps here and there, But it only makes me feel worse when I do because it's all too uncomfortable for me to step forward. So, I would rather not deal with any of it, To avoid the uncomfortableness.


It's the hardest thing in the world to get over social anxiety but the results are worth it. Something I've been learning lately is that sometimes you have to do unpleasant things to be happy. You can do it!


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## Shaneisawesome

Hey everyone, I just felt like sharing some of my triumphs over SAD here.

If I got a dollar for everytime I overcame social anxiety....I'd be filthy rich lol. But here is one of the bigger moments.

-I almost skipped my high school prom. I was feeling so anxious about it, it was unreal. But I realized that if I didnt go, I would regret it for the rest of my life and constantly be asking myself "what if i did go". So I took deep breaths, listened to relaxing music and just took it easy while on the way there. And guess what ? I had a wonderful time ! I was having so much fun that I completely forget about my anxiety and just lived the moment. I was even feeling good enough to go to an after party ! I felt so good about myself for overcoming my anxiety that night and it remains one my biggest triumphs over social anxiety.

Everyone else who has Social anxiety...never give up ! I know how hard it can be sometimes but dont let it beat you. Try your best all the time to overcome it. Even if it does get the best of you sometimes you will feel good because you tried. Never give up !


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## Jackbarton

I am also a shy boy before, but I keep myself on through the stage performances, to myself more confidence, and more communication with strangers, I now get up on stage speaking out. As long as confidence in ourselves, we can solve anything.


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## EscapeReality

I discovered G.G Allin, and thought i must start living in my own society, no rules, no boundaries of my self deprived moment's of satisfaction!


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## mechuga

i've had social anixety for as long as i can remember. When I was eleven, peer pressure and troubles at home made my anxiety far more difficult to deal with than it ever had been before. I began having panic attacks regularly, and starting avoiding places with a lot of people. I stopped going to the mall when i was 13.
When I entered high school i felt like i was being thrown to the wolves. i would have (at least) a panic attack a day, and there were entire weeks that went by during which i didn't say a word while in school. i didn't make friends as much as i continued to show up around a group of people that didnt tell me to go away. i would have to grip the sides of my desks to keep myself from running out of the building. i spent many of my lunches in the library, pretending i had a study hall. my eyes were constantly glued to the floor, and anytime someone tried to strike up a conversation with me i ended it as quickly as possible and scurried away. i never thought i would survive in college.
i was right, at first. in the first two months at my college, i only talked to my roommate and the friends she brought back to our room. i was too afraid to eat in the dining halls, so i would venture into the market once a day for a wrap- i lost twenty pounds from a healthy weight. i was on the verge of admitting defeat and trandferring when a boy sitting next to me in class drew a smiley face on my notebook. i was furious that i physically could not speak to him.
that day, when i got back to my room, i called the school's counseling center and set up my intake appointment. it was the single most terrifying thing i had done up to that point in my life, and i stuttered and slurred my way through the conversation because of my fear, but i did it.
i began talking to a counselor (which at first consisted of us staring at each other until i was forced to talk) and taking medication (prozac). the changes were miniscule at first. i would go to the market for my daily wrap at a slightly busier time. i would ask a professor for help with a problem. i would say hi to the people living on my floor. i would study in the lounge.
then, i started taking bigger steps. i joined a club. i accepted invitations to hang out with the people i met there. i wrote skits for a campus tv show, and then actually submitted them. six months after i sought treatment, i was able to hold my own on my first first-date with a boy that i liked; before treatment, i would not have been able to string two syllables together in front of him, let alone carry a conversation.
the rewards for my hard work have been rolling in for months now, and i feel like the luckiest, happiest person on earth. i can honestly say that i would not change naything about my life right now. i no longer feel inferior to everyone around me. i don't feel certain of my impending doom halfway through my classes. i can walk across campus without hyperventialting. i can walk while listening to music without worrying about how loud im breathing. i can stand in lines without being paranoid about what the people behind me are saying.
that one terrifying phone call is the single best decision i have ever made. i am so, so grateful to that cute boy who drew a smiley face in my notebook that day. i have a framed smiley face hanging in my room to remind myself how one simple act of kindness really can change someone's life forever.


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## MrQuiet76

Well my story is a wild roller coaster... but I have had many successes... I still suffer from SA, but I've gotten it to the point where I don't feel like I'm living a crippled life anymore (at least not as much  )

I've suffered from SA as long as I can remember... in fact, in 1st grade my teacher demanded to my mother that I have special sessions with the guidance conselor because I was sooooo quiet... I basically didn't talk 99% of the time I was in public (hence the username!). I wasn't really aware of my SA up until high school, because I didn't really know what anxiety was.... I guess I just kind of assumed that the anxiety I experience all the time was normal and everybody felt that way.... so I never really understood why I couldn't make myself talk

To be honest things continued this way (boring I know) up until high schoool... this is where things got really bad for me. In 10th grade I developed cystic acne (the worst kind you can get) all over my face.... it was so bad that I was bullied and lost whatever little self esteem I had. Once again, I wasn't really aware of it, but my SA became unbelievably bad at this time. I basically didn't do anything. I would wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING with the worst stomach aches because I was afraid to go to school. I would exaggerate these aches to my mom so that I could stay home from school as often as possible... when I did go to school, I would sit there in the morning staring at the clock, dreading seeing the minutes advance until I HAD to go to my bus. Outside of school I had no life. I would just play video games or sit on my computer all the time, and I didn't participate in any extraciriccular activities. In the summers, I'd go weeks at a time without leaving my property, and had very few weak friendships as a result.

Thankfully, I took accutane to clear my acne twice (that's the drug that has caused people so many health problems from it's side effects)... and luckily I made one very good friend in high school as well.... this helped me feel a little better about my life at the time as I went into college

Obviously I was nervous as hell about college. I continued the same life style my freshman year... if i wasn't in class or eating at the cafeteria... I was in my dorm room or at home every single weekend, since my college was close to home. I wasn't too depressed at this point

Finally, my sophomore year comes and this is a true turning point in my life... at this point, I started to see all the fun everyone else around me was having and realized that I dreaded every day of my life... this is when depression hit me pretty hard. I would just sit around crying all the time in my dorm room (even in front of my roommate) and at home in front of my parents... I struggled with this the entire year until I decided to see a therapist, which is where I officially learned I had SAD.

The therapist helped me with some basic confidence building exercises, which helped me to start doing basic things like driving a car, going to the store, etc... I still really struggled with SA and depression though and felt pretty hopeless... I tried several antidepressants but the side effects were too much for me, the therapist refused to see me if I wasn't on medication, so I was back on my own.

This next part is crazy lol... but during this time I met a girl who ended up playing an important role in my life... she was a very beautiful and popular girl (who i wasn't used to having any interest in me) and once I was assigned to work on a project with her in class, we started to become friends... as time went on, she would just go out of her way to include me in on things (i.e. she'd invite me to sit with her at lunch, ask me to join her with her friends in the library, etc.) and I was so moved! Unforunately, my complete lack of social skills effed me over... we were really tight, and I really wanted to ask her out but i knew I could never get myself to do it....

at this point, things spiraled out of control. while all this was going on I had some major problems with my dad. since I hadnt followed the career path he wanted, he would enter raging fits around me and call me a waste of life and a failure. I started having panic attacks and frequently thought about suicide at this point. meanwhile, while I was so torn over asking that girl out, of course she got a boyfriend and I just lost it... shortly thereafter, one time when I was around her I had a bad panic attack, and this caused her to say that she couldn't talk to me anymore at all

This was the low point.... but I'll never forget the moment she said that to me because it was like someone flipped a switch in my head... of course I felt terrible, but meanwhile I just said to myself, "Look at what your SA has done! I AM GOING TO END THIS ANXIETY BEFORE IT RUINS MY LIFE"

Somehow, motivation came from somewhere deep within me.... I applied techniques the therapist had taught me and started making myself confront every single social fear I had all the time... I had the philosophy, "If I'm afraid of it, I'm doing it"

You know what I found from doing this... all the perceived threats from social interaction that plagued me all of my life were in fact mole hills when I had treated them like mountains.... this is the one message I hope that my story can convey to everyone that reads this.

You know what happened the next year in college? I pledged a fraternity, joined the club baseball team, started going to parties (and danced like crazy when I could), and even went on a few dates with a girl that I met though all this fun :boogie

I still have to cope with SA every day, but now I have an idea of how to handle it.... it's not easy to keep up that philosophy I mentioned earlier, trust me, but I do the best i can. And most importantly, if I can come from where I was at my low points to where I am now.... I know anyone can. I also know someday I will find my true peace of mind


----------



## Jendirt

*It worked for me!*

Hello,
I am a 33 yr old woman with no history of anxiety or depression. Exactly a year ago, my husband and I went on a trip to San Francisco during a very stressful time in my life. I was struggling with school and working way too much. We sat down at a restaurant to eat and that is when it started. I felt like something was pulling me away from reality and my heart started pounding. My husband was trying to talk to me and I didn't feel any connection to him, where I was, or even who I was. I found out later what I was experiencing is called a "depersonalization attack". We got back to the hotel, and the feeling never stopped.

We got an early flight home and long story short, I could not leave the house for 2 months without having an attack. The worst was eating at a restaurant for some reason. My doctor prescribed 20mg daily of Lexapro, but I had terrible nausea and strange sensations down my arms. It was just too strong to start out on. I was so sick and scared, I started thinking I was going to go crazy, and ended up at the emergency room in desperation. The nurse told me she had social anxiety and she takes Citalopram and it worked for her. I had sworn off trying any other meds due to my bad experience, but I needed to do something. I saw my doctor and went on Citalopran, starting at 10mg a day, working slowly up to 20mg. I must be very sensitive to SSRI's because it was not easy. I was nauseous, emotional, anxious and shaky for about 2 months before I started to feel a difference. I can say now this is a Miracle drug! A year later, I can go anywhere and do anything I want without anxiety! I'm not saying that I don't "check" how I'm feeling every day and worry about another attack, but even that's getting better. I don't care if I'm on this drug for the rest of my life!

My advice to anyone going through what I did is keep trying! If one drug is not working for you, try another. There is one out there that will work for you. And no matter how strong, smart or determined you are, you may need medication to get through this, and that is ok! It might be difficult to start, but hang in there and give it a chance to work - I promise you it is so much better on the other side!


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## DonPancho

I think I'm heading down this path but from the male side. I'm finishing up my AA because I've been confused about what I really want to do with my life but now with that I feel I'm out of time and need to pick something now. My relationships at the moment with women have been nothing but small talk and today I opened up somewhat to a woman who doesn't seem confused at all about what shes going to be doing, after today I'm pretty sure this relationship is going to be romantic but I want to strongly maintain a relationship with her because otherwise I'll feel like I'm going backwards. Other women I've talked to recently have been very kind but when it comes to guy talk I fail completely. I can't relate to the way they talk or the things they talk about. sometimes I play with the idea that I have a lesbian female brain in a male body.


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## bsarnol2

*This is a bit of triumph in my story with social anxiety with a focus on stuttering*


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## vardhan

*I feel i am close to overcoming social phobia/ocd*

The solution for me was to ignore the thoughts and seeing things clearly. For further explanation...pm me.

May we all come out of this rut...and help others too.


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## Shaned0000

When I was growing up I barely had any friends extremely shy and awkward around girls. My brother was very helpful but I got into talking to people over the internet and even into online dating. I know it has a bad perception to some people but I found it gave me confidence to talk to girls. Anyways down the line a few years i had met people over the internet and i got better but was still shy but when I was 17 I started talking to this girl over the internet from Canada and I just knew I really liked her but I was so shy about my private life because this just seems so odd. I knew Simone for 3 years and she actually came over to Ireland on holiday and I had to take a chance I mean meeting over the internet in the same area is one thing but different countries is competely different. It just became so real that I took a huge chance a huge step to go and met up with her. There I was walking down the street to met her in the morning practically my old shy self like I was doing this for the first time and i seen her and she saw me and ran towards me and I just hugged her. Nothing needed to be said and it was like a rush of me finally crossing a milestone greatest feeling I have ever had.

I just want people to know you can create your own happiness just take it one step at a time and you will no doubt reach your own milestone! All the best to you guys.


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## Jay23

I spoke in front of 70 people today, of course I was blushing throughout the whole thing but I didn't let it bother me. So it was a small win for me today


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## thekp

I had social anxiety for most of my life. I went to therapy. Although the therapy didnt help much, it proved to myself I could do things I fear. start small. raise your hand in class. then do something else. build slowly. you will have good days and days, dont give up.


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## jasonlazen

*How im overcoming my social anxiety*

How im overcoming my social anxiety
it all started in year 11 where i said to my self im going to stop playing sport and start studying i was indoor just studying not going out at all i remember one day in class my teacher picked on me to get up infront of the class i was so nervous my cheeks were trembling i couldn't smile they tremble and after that my life was hell its been 2 years now i was like to my self now way im going doctors to get meds f*** that it makes it worse 
my best friend has SA too i gave him 8 mag tablets and 4 st johns wort tablets for 2 days he took them for days and he started exercising for those 2 days he said he feels so good tomorrow me and him are going tomorrow to buy him same supplements that im taking and we will jog together and do gym together to keep him going because he will quit he told me the other day i dont know how can i thank you for helping me out so i wanna help you guys too

i started taking magnesium complete 200mg 2 in the morning 2 at night and anti stress st johns worth 1 at night 1 in the morning
i started jogging with 1km now i jog 5km its been 1 week i feel wonderful it feels like its almost gone im still going to keep going i have so much motivation right now i have a job interview in few days im bit nervous but ill be alright i used to love soccer that passion for soccer is coming back i feel like playing soccer right now and yeah guys thats how im overcoming mine trust me do that i guarantee you that you will overcome it )


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## candiedsky

mechuga said:


> i've had social anixety for as long as i can remember. When I was eleven, peer pressure and troubles at home made my anxiety far more difficult to deal with than it ever had been before. I began having panic attacks regularly, and starting avoiding places with a lot of people. I stopped going to the mall when i was 13.
> When I entered high school i felt like i was being thrown to the wolves. i would have (at least) a panic attack a day, and there were entire weeks that went by during which i didn't say a word while in school. i didn't make friends as much as i continued to show up around a group of people that didnt tell me to go away. i would have to grip the sides of my desks to keep myself from running out of the building. i spent many of my lunches in the library, pretending i had a study hall. my eyes were constantly glued to the floor, and anytime someone tried to strike up a conversation with me i ended it as quickly as possible and scurried away. i never thought i would survive in college.
> i was right, at first. in the first two months at my college, i only talked to my roommate and the friends she brought back to our room. i was too afraid to eat in the dining halls, so i would venture into the market once a day for a wrap- i lost twenty pounds from a healthy weight. i was on the verge of admitting defeat and trandferring when a boy sitting next to me in class drew a smiley face on my notebook. i was furious that i physically could not speak to him.
> that day, when i got back to my room, i called the school's counseling center and set up my intake appointment. it was the single most terrifying thing i had done up to that point in my life, and i stuttered and slurred my way through the conversation because of my fear, but i did it.
> i began talking to a counselor (which at first consisted of us staring at each other until i was forced to talk) and taking medication (prozac). the changes were miniscule at first. i would go to the market for my daily wrap at a slightly busier time. i would ask a professor for help with a problem. i would say hi to the people living on my floor. i would study in the lounge.
> then, i started taking bigger steps. i joined a club. i accepted invitations to hang out with the people i met there. i wrote skits for a campus tv show, and then actually submitted them. six months after i sought treatment, i was able to hold my own on my first first-date with a boy that i liked; before treatment, i would not have been able to string two syllables together in front of him, let alone carry a conversation.
> the rewards for my hard work have been rolling in for months now, and i feel like the luckiest, happiest person on earth. i can honestly say that i would not change naything about my life right now. i no longer feel inferior to everyone around me. i don't feel certain of my impending doom halfway through my classes. i can walk across campus without hyperventialting. i can walk while listening to music without worrying about how loud im breathing. i can stand in lines without being paranoid about what the people behind me are saying.
> that one terrifying phone call is the single best decision i have ever made. i am so, so grateful to that cute boy who drew a smiley face in my notebook that day. i have a framed smiley face hanging in my room to remind myself how one simple act of kindness really can change someone's life forever.


that was really nice and well written. I'm glad for you!


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## MissShy

I got over my social anixety last year September after watching an episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. The episode was Call of the Cutie. IT CHANGED MY LIFE. I am so outgoing now and many people have commented on it. I've started talking to new people and have really come out of my shell. 

I recently made a group of friends too but they're all 9th graders, while I'm in 11th. Honestly, all my 11th grade friends dropped out or moved away and I don't like anybody else in that grade. I have a few 12th grade friends. My 9th grade friends think this is really weird and I must agree. :/ But I'm not done making friends though. I have classmates I see sitting by themselves at lunch. I need to approach them. 

I REALLY recommend watching that episode even if you think you're too old. It helped me, which is why I worship the show now and nothing anyone says can shift my love for the show <3. It helped me so maybe it will help one of you guys too. You can easily find all of the episodes on youtube.  Good luck to everyone still trying to overcame SAD. Keep trying, the results are definitely worth the struggle.


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## MissShy

In fact, it's been really hard communicating with these new friends of mine. I haven't really had much human interaction, e.g. talking with another person since 8th grade really, so I'm finding it hard re-assimilating(not sure if that's the right word) myself back into being social.


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## Donnie in the Dark

I just seem to have gotten better since leaving school and coming to uni.
I'm def not the life of the party, but I feel more confident as I am in a football team, and feel reasonably accepted by flatmates.


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## VC132

Donnie in the Dark said:


> I just seem to have gotten better since leaving school and coming to uni.
> I'm def not the life of the party, but I feel more confident as I am in a football team, and feel reasonably accepted by flatmates.


Sorry, but I thought your name was kind of funny.


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## alte

I ran across a person today, with whom I had worked a few months ago. He is a very friendly guy. It was about 8pm. He had started work earlier in the day, at 5am. He said with an exhausted smile that he had only another 2-3 hours left before he could go home. I envy these people. Not only do they have great personalities, they work hard and are positive. How does someone become like this? What keeps them ticking?


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## SADAngel

*getting through just enough*

This might be all over the board.

When I didn't have friends I would be sad and lonely and then want them, Then when I would make them and have them for awhile, I didn't want them anymore. It takes a lot to maintain friendships. And I think each one just takes a lot out of me. They can be demanding and stressful to me. Right now i'm my life i'm just trying to cope and accept my SAD. In a strange way I like the way I am. I like to make friends too but only like 1 or 2. I may like sitting at home and not being invited anywhere or called bc its comfortable for me and its what Im used to. I always use the excuse that everyone has their own lives and so not everyone can go out all the time. When I finally do I find myself venturing away, literally from the social circle. In the end I leave feeling a little insecure bc of being out of practice of being in a social setting. I cant form words and my thought fly out of my head as easily as they come. And then so I get insecure about what i'm trying to say. They may think Im uneducated. but I look at it as just something to get through each time I go out. At the end of the day, Its comfortable for me to be this way, I just get through the little hurdles. This is the way I am so I'm trying to live and accept it.

I feel that it helps also for me to go out with a friend (the one friend that I have) or my supportive husband.


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## Donnie in the Dark

I have posted on here how much being at uni has helped me.

Today I came back after the 4 week long easter holiday.
i was nervous about interacting with housemates agian, but we had pizza this evening in the kitchen and I contributed to conversation, then the last flatmate came back and she knocked on my door to say hi, which was nice. We chatted an afterwards I looked in the mirror and said "did you see that SA??? **** you!"
The interactions made me a bit nervous but it seems that the more univrsity time I complete, the more confident I become. 
Now just got to trick a girl into making a move on me so I can have a girlfriend..... hmmm....


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## DesertStar91

For years I didn't have any friends. I mean, I had boyfriends, but only a few that didn't last very long, but no friends. I dropped out of high school because of my bipolar disorder. My social anxiety was so bad that when I went places I just hung my head down, frowned, and alienated myself from everyone. I was getting my GED, and I was in a program for people who dropped out, and everyone there was over forty, I was nineteen, and the youngest person there. Of course everyone was bitter or jealous because they never had a chance to get their GED until they were in their forties, and they picked on me because I didn't talk just because I was a kid. It doesn't help that I look a lot younger than I actually am also. I am twenty-one, and people think I am 16. When I got my GED results, it said that I failed the math part, so I went to go get tutoring in the GED room. My tutor was such a *****, but she quit thank God, and I got tutoring from someone else. There were women in the GED room who really liked me, and they thought I was so sweet. I always wanted to be there friend, but I never had the guts to say hello. Everyone wondered why I always came in the room with circles under my eyes and my head down, not looking at anyone. I had no friends. I thought I was an idiot and a reject that's why. I was depressed and sad. One day I decided to just get some guts and get my GED done with. They put me in a separate room ,and then I woke up the next day early because the ladies from the GED room called me and told me I passed. I went to go see them and they were all crying tears of joy. I took a Reading class the next year, and failed at first, but quickly picked up with a B+ in two weeks. I had no friends until this year two semesters later when I was twenty-one. I finally spoke to those girls in the GED room two months ago, and they took me out to a movie. It took two years to talk to them, and even more to talk to everyone else. I made more and more friends later on. I've been single for a year, but that's ok. All I need are these friends, even though I have very few. I am so happy. I still have SA, but it's not as bad.


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## John316C

bout 2 days ago i went to a psychic of all places. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

but i did have a massive change directly after the reading. i accepted something about myself. im ok with people being offended by my stature/i dont have to hide the fact that i am a confidant man. the block was i was afraid of scaring people with my masculinity.


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## kyndbud

*musings from a reborn SAP*

:clap
I briefly introduced myself back in the spring I believe, experiencing true SA in university setting, having returned at 49 years old. I am studying behavior of all things, and it was then that I first ever learned about this and I MOST clearly have it, even though I haven't gotten an official diagnosis. That's not the nature of this message.

First it is to thank the members of this forum, especially those who reach out to SAPs like me and other new members.

Second, to impart that I have learned amazing things about myself, and the exciting research being developed to treat this truly disabling disorder. I hope to be part of that as I continue my scholarship. After a most anxiety filled year in school, I have made contact finally to my new road to recovery, I believe.

I hope to continue this road by really participating in this forum. What I have learned is changing my life, and I intend to help others even as I continue to study and learn. After 50 years I have finally found hope.

It has been through the amazing program of study in behavior analysis. I have started desensitization training, or dose exposure therapy, actually in vivo in the classroom. It is turning out to generalize across settings outside of my greatest fears of communicating in class, and public speaking. It is changing my behavior in so many dimensions I am drunk with joy.(I hope I'm not manic But this is the truth. I was resistant because of the strength of my behaviors over many years. I hope to have finally understood my patterns of safety behaviors, or avoidance, redirect my self-focused attention, and put that garbage on EXTINCTION! (spoken like the newly budding behavior analyst that I hope to and now believe with my heart that I will become

I just wanted to thank those that help here, and let those that are new know that you are sensitive and valuable people for whom there is most definitely help! And the world needs you. Stick with it and don't lose hope.

Anyway as I continue to learn, I will share my experiences here. And I hope I have something developing through my studies and research that can have an impact on those of us sufferers.

Because for the first time EVER in my life, I can say that I feel happy, joyous and free. Hello world, I have social anxiety. That's all I've got for today, thanks for listening, I am truly glad to be here!:boogie


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## Dat Gyul

It's not so big a change but I called and spoke on the phone three times today. I didn't give myself any time to stress myself just picked up the phone and called. I feel good, I'll be riding on a high for a long time now lol.


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## VIncymon

I MAY HAVE ALREADY POSTED THIS.

The best thing I ever did for myself was to get into university. Living on campus really forces interactions out of you. I am completely different now from how I was 2 years ago.

I remember once at work, I was so nervous about screwing up; I spilled 1/2 a blood bag, after a guy had given to the blood bank. The blood donor wasn't too please; and my supervisor was embarrased.
My only saving grace was that the assistant supervisor was kinda antisocial like me, so he always encouraged me, even through the worst of my panic attacks. He would tell me of mistakes he used to make when he was in my position.

My advice is, even if many people don't have patience for the socially anxious; try to reach out anyway, because when you do encounter (*PHYSICALLY, IN REAL LIFE*) people who have had SA like yourself; it is like lifting the world off your shoulders.

Apart from my experience at university... I have to thank the assistant supervisor of the blood bank at the lab where I worked. He had SA as a young man, still does -- and was the first person I ever met who I could really sit down with and chat about my anxieties without feeling like a weaklin.

I used to shake uncontrollably when trying to give someone an injection. Then one day, Mr. R (let's call him that) came to me and just said, "look, take a blood sample from my arm, I want to test my sugar." that was the first blood draw I did smoothly.


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## Wesses

GrowingImp said:


> few years.. your kidding me! why not tomorrow??





epostler said:


> Mine is so minor compared to everyone else, but to me it was a HUGE step. I walked out of my dorm and i passed this girl and i said hi. It was the first thing i said to anyone in college. I also said hi to another girl yesterday and since then have no spoken a word. But that's two hi's so i'm proud of my tiny steps towards getting better. Tiny steps to recovery.
> My goal is to strike up a conversation with some stranger, but i think that'll be a few more years......


thats bigtime! keep it up!


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## Wesses

alte said:


> I ran across a person today, with whom I had worked a few months ago. He is a very friendly guy. It was about 8pm. He had started work earlier in the day, at 5am. He said with an exhausted smile that he had only another 2-3 hours left before he could go home. I envy these people. Not only do they have great personalities, they work hard and are positive. How does someone become like this? What keeps them ticking?


I found my anxiety made work difficult because of the adrenaline would expend my energy so quick. I think practicing being calm is the trick and then maintaining calm throughout the work day. I am not there yet but that is the dream.


----------



## Wesses

First Off, I must mention that all your stories are touching to me. It is so hard dealing with anxiety and I am so happy for all the little and big successes in everyone's life.


I am in the beginning stages of regaining control of my life and I must say that I have never, even before my severe spout of depression and life spiral 5 years ago, felt so comfortable being me.

It is so nice to have techniques to deal with my disorder rather and relief from the guilt i used to carry for not acting the way I wish i could. 

Cross your fingers for me guys!


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## calichick

Hm why have I never seen this thread before?

My life story in sum

I've been a social retard since age 1, I remember even in the crib feeling like something was holding me back, I've always been the follower/the observer. Age 5, preschool, teacher scolds me for accidentally kicking someone in the face, I'm traumatized, and I refrain from playing with the others for the entire year, beginning of elementary school, I got bossed around a lot by the loud girl/the bully, people would ask me "Why are you so quiet" "are you dumb", "are you mute" "retarded" etc, switched schools, I hung out with the loner girl who had some kind of mental disorder, I had friends though, always feared going to class and participation, fast forward to middle school, again my teachers critiquing me for being so silent in class, also 7th grade, girl comments that "I would make a nice serial killer cause I fit the profile' fast forward to high school, I was extremely unconfident and extremely unpopular, but still had friends and used all my time for school work and whatnot, but in general, not so content with my life. Really shy, REALLY REALLY SHY, cannot emphasize this enough, I blame it partly on my lack of care in myself, my lack of 'grooming', fast forward to college, I really begin to get into things like makeup and fashion and hair, but I'm still shy.

And now.....

I love to talk to strangers on the phone
I love male attention, I cannot get enough of it
I like to carry on conversations with people and have genuine interest in other people's lives
I have confidence in myself about 75% of the time
I can be loud, extroverted, funny, witty
I'm not afraid to just say what's on my mind, that thing that was holding me back is slowly slipping away
I love holding eye contact and really delving into people's souls and have an honest talk with them
I love driving
I'm not afraid of confrontation with people, verbal confrontation
I'm optimistic. A true optimist

The answer to it all is
+Having confidence in yourself
+Exposure
+Positive feedback from others

*this is only from ONE year ago.* ONE year can make a difference. It's all in receiving positive feedback, and doing it RIGHT. I mean

*WHAT is the thing that is the cause of your anxiety? FIND IT AND PINPOINT IT.* Is it a case of UNRESOLVED family trauma? Is it your appearance (physical self)? Is it your health?  Identity crisis? Fear of abandonment? Childhood stress?

For me, it was ALL about improving my physical image. Before age 20, I was afraid of people looking at me. I had low confidence. Now, 21+ I've been receiving extremely positive feedback on myself. Not for being someone different but for being me.


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## Elad

calichick said:


> Hm why have I never seen this thread before?
> 
> My life story in sum
> 
> I've been a social retard since age 1, I remember even in the crib feeling like something was holding me back, I've always been the follower/the observer. Age 5, preschool, teacher scolds me for accidentally kicking someone in the face, I'm traumatized, and I refrain from playing with the others for the entire year, beginning of elementary school, I got bossed around a lot by the loud girl/the bully, people would ask me "Why are you so quiet" "are you dumb", "are you mute" "retarded" etc, switched schools, I hung out with the loner girl who had some kind of mental disorder, I had friends though, always feared going to class and participation, fast forward to middle school, again my teachers critiquing me for being so silent in class, also 7th grade, girl comments that "I would make a nice serial killer cause I fit the profile' fast forward to high school, I was extremely unconfident and extremely unpopular, but still had friends and used all my time for school work and whatnot, but in general, not so content with my life. Really shy, REALLY REALLY SHY, cannot emphasize this enough, I blame it partly on my lack of care in myself, my lack of 'grooming', fast forward to college, I really begin to get into things like makeup and fashion and hair, but I'm still shy.
> 
> And now.....
> 
> I love to talk to strangers on the phone
> I love male attention, I cannot get enough of it
> I like to carry on conversations with people and have genuine interest in other people's lives
> I have confidence in myself about 75% of the time
> I can be loud, extroverted, funny, witty
> I'm not afraid to just say what's on my mind, that thing that was holding me back is slowly slipping away
> I love holding eye contact and really delving into people's souls and have an honest talk with them
> I love driving
> I'm not afraid of confrontation with people, verbal confrontation
> I'm optimistic. A true optimist
> 
> The answer to it all is
> +Having confidence in yourself
> +Exposure
> +Positive feedback from others
> 
> *this is only from ONE year ago.* ONE year can make a difference. It's all in receiving positive feedback, and doing it RIGHT. I mean
> 
> *WHAT is the thing that is the cause of your anxiety? FIND IT AND PINPOINT IT.* Is it a case of UNRESOLVED family trauma? Is it your appearance (physical self)? Is it your health? Identity crisis? Fear of abandonment? Childhood stress?
> 
> For me, it was ALL about improving my physical image. Before age 20, I was afraid of people looking at me. I had low confidence. Now, 21+ I've been receiving extremely positive feedback on myself. Not for being someone different but for being me.


Thought I was reading my own story for first part of this, congrats on the change and time period.


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## calichick

Elad said:


> Thought I was reading my own story for first part of this, congrats on the change and time period.


Thanks you can do it too with some motivation and goal setting.


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## Elad

calichick said:


> Thanks you can do it too with some motivation and goal setting.


I'd like to think so but things and situations change person to person. Hopefully though.  and I hope your change lasts, I often go through periods of everything being great before I come crashing back down to earth down the line.


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## calichick

Elad said:


> I'd like to think so but things and situations change person to person. Hopefully though.  and I hope your change lasts, I often go through periods of everything being great before I come crashing back down to earth down the line.


It's not a temporary change, it's a lifestyle. And you can tell the difference when you think back to your previous self and hit yourself and think "I was crazy irrational" and can't even fathom to think how miserable I was back then. When you do it more consistently and more often, you never want to return to your previous self. It's like learning how to ride a bike. A complicated bike.

You have to face the fear head on, and analyze it, why am I so afraid to look at these people? What is so menacing about this stranger? What are the "deadly" consequences? It's all in confronting irrational fears.


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## Elad

calichick said:


> It's not a temporary change, it's a lifestyle. And you can tell the difference when you think back to your previous self and hit yourself and think "I was crazy irrational" and can't even fathom to think how miserable I was back then. When you do it more consistently and more often, you never want to return to your previous self. It's like learning how to ride a bike. A complicated bike.
> 
> You have to face the fear head on, and analyze it, why am I so afraid to look at these people? What is so menacing about this stranger? What are the "deadly" consequences? It's all in confronting irrational fears.


I know. I don't really have anxiety problems anymore just seasonal depression but thanks you have some good advice.


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## TheCanadian604

I used to suffer very very much from social anxiety and now I can go out and talk to absolutely anyone with full confidence. I just stumbled on this forum and thought I'd share some of what I have to say, might useful. Im 19. I had a psychosomatic disorder in highschool and was very depressed. Here's what I've learned

- if anything, firstly if you want to change your going to have to have an indomitable will. Failure is not an option. Failure is learning. To succeed you must learn. I had the worst anxiety to my stomach in highschool, but I launched myself out there, embarrasing myself every single day. But Im very successful now. 

-First, I had no clue what a narcissist was. If you dont know what a narcissist is, your in big trouble. Educate yourself about this order. These are manipulative people. If you dont know what manipulation looks like then you have to learn about psychological manipulation as well. Type this in google. What you will learn is some of the most charming people around are definately not who they seem. If your going to read about narcissim, then read thoroughly. Id also read 'Wolf In sheeps skin." I forget the author, type that in google . "wolf in sheeps skin pdf." it will explain some psychological manipulation. Trust me, if you dont know what narcissists are how psychological manipulation works, you could be at the dire end of somebody manipulating you, causing you to be submissive, anxious, a defer to them. Feel like you met someone that was amazing? Then after maybe a month you started to feel terrible around them, but didnt know why? Maybe you become very anxious, and you think your crazy.

- Reading on narcissim is very important. Sociopaths are 1/25 in the US (but Im canadian, anyway). Narcissistic qualities are very common in sociopaths. Thats how I figured out my dad has anti social personality disorder, something very hard to spot. Let me entice you with this... what if I suggest president Obama is a sociopath? Well, let me tell you this. If you have experiecne with narcissists , learn about them, then learn about sociopathy, you WILL see what Im saying. 

- Narcissists and sociopaths could be your best friend, your neighbor, your mom or dad, you, your brother, etc. Learn.

- If your a narcissist then you will have to work hard to go the other way. its going to take a long time of readign and learning, never loose faith. For me, this was the source of my inferiority complex. I thought these people with 1000 facebook friends were so popular and awesome. Little did I know they were dark inside and hallow.

- a lot of anxieties can be caused by a state of your body physiologicallly. Brain chemisty imbalances, hormone imbalances etc. There is something called ssexual exhaustion. There is tons of information on this on the internet. Do not have overly stimulating sexual activtiy. There is scientific evidence, and this is real. Im not going to explain it, you can do the research yourself but ill give you this short analogy: if you lift weights on your lefr arm 5 days in a row, then on the 6th day your arm is weak. your arm needs tim to rest. if you constantly stimulate receptors in your brain 10 days in a row, 3 times a day, then your brain is far, far overworked. your brain will be in poor function and it wil make you body weak. Low produciton of dopamine, acelycholine, all sorts of very important neurotransmitters.

- Read stuff on philosophy, our animality. You know, we are animals, and biological creatures. We are animals that make small sounds. Learn how to love your animality. Do your best as an ANIMAL. Realize what your capable of AS AN ANIMAL. Dont be perfectionistic because YOUR AN ANIMAL. See what im saying? Our animality is something else. You gotta learn how to not be hard on yourself.

- Learn about subconscious, we are what we think etc.

- Dont try and say "im going to love myself." really what your doing is loving all the other programning others have put into you, and your forcing calmness, which is actually supression, and with the suppression effet hyour anxiety gets stronger. You also endanger yourself of narcissim. be careful.


- Turn off the TV ad social media. you have no idea how much that is mesing with your mind. after your comfortable you can approach it again, with a new perspective on happienss, and more knowledge.

- this is my last point im going to give for now, you better now about your temperament. most 'introverts' have a diffrent kind of sensory acuity. its like sensning the world with 50 figners isntaed of 10. These are 1/5 people. If you are have high sensory acuity, your likely prone to more alone time, more emootional then the average person, sensitive to light, sounds, pain, temperature, you notiec you can 'read' people, you notice you can notice subtles, your intuitive. Not knowning this trait, which many people have, will entirely collapse your self esteem because you'll wonder and wonder why you cant handle what others can handle. Im not going to go into detail about this, this is for you to research. Google Elaine Aron. 

-Careful what you read. Dont get into Eckhart Tolle. A lot of people like this guy. Be careful what you agree. I think he teaches people to suppress his emotions. I think he's disingenious and condescending, and he's all about image. I would not be surprised if he's a sociopath. 

Im going to finish with this.


"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever"


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## amybeth

Well, this is my second post to this site since I joined about a month ago, but something very significant to me happened a couple weeks ago. My family and I went on a vacation and I drove myself and my boyfriend in my car the whole way while following my parents in their car. By the way, I'm 21 and it was my first trip on the freeway ever while I was driving. It was over four hours and I lasted the whole way....I know driving is an everyday task to everyone else usually, but it has given me severe anxiety since I got my license...unfortunately my boyfriend doesn't understand it at all really, so my accomplishment went unnoticed in his eyes. As well as my sister's. But, I was proud of myself. I'm starting to take my anxiety and overcome what I'm scared to do. It's still going to be a long road, but hopefully I'll be able to do everyday tasks without thinking about them one day.


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## bunnyuk

*Propranolol is wonderful*

Well guys I just had to register on here and tell my story as it is similar to a lot of stuff I hve been reading on the forums and feel it can and will help so many others in my boat.

I am a confident and very social 33 year old who has many friends who look to me for help and advice. At school I was one of the class clowns who made people laugh and have continued that in to later life. I am the center of attention at the pub and social events etc.
I went on to college and then on to work on the gaming sector.

One incident happened to me at school, but I had surpressed it, and it involved Publicly Speaking on a topic of nonsense in an English Class. I bowed my head and started to read word for word what was written down, I went bright Red (Blush), I started to shake, I had sweaty hands, my heart pounded etc etc etc. As soon as the speach was over I calmed down with everyone still looking at me and took questions, with no problems at all as we interacted.

It was this fight or flight response from my body from knowhere.

So I went on through life avoiding situations of public speaking until recently being promoted at work and having to give demonstrations to clients and presentations.

I was so worried I would avoid everything but it needed addressing so I went to the doc a few months back and was prescribed really low doses of Propranolol (Inderal) 10mg tablets to be taken an hour before. (max 20mg)

I decided I would try 5mg before a work meeting the other day and boy oh boy does it work. I bit the pill in half and an hour later headed in to the void.

Normally I would sit back and just listen unti lsomeone mentioned my name and my heart would pound, it's so weird cause your body expects it but your heart wont do what it wants. You stay calm, your voice doesnt crack, your blushing is not there. Your confidence grows and you begin to contribute.

Took another 5mg one month later and the same calmness, it's incredible.

What I want people to understand is this drug in small doses, not daily is wonderful at controlling the fight or flight response. You just can't raise your heart rate and as such can't panic.

You only need small small doses whenever the need arises and it's out your system in 4 - 5 hours and fully gone in 12hrs.

I am very active and play football at a high level and think my condition relates to a massive adrenaline release, which in sport is amazing but in important meetings , demos etc is debilitating.

The only side effects I have noticed is a small amount of blurred vision and feel a little tired (tiny tiny amount in both) I guess the more you do the more the side effects kick in, but doing more Propranolol won't help block more. 5mg is enough for any presentation.

If you have a Fight or Flight condition you must try this, I guarantee you will be amazed. Years of avoiding situations disappear within minutes.

Please post your use of the drug and situations that have helped you. With our shared knowledge we can help those that feel trapped, as I once did.

Love and Peace to all.

Bunnyuk


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## Shack

Hi. I'm a 22 year old university student and I feel I've come a long way in regards to SAD. Not rid of it... But when I look back at where I was at 16-19, I am unrecognizable

- My SAD started as far as I can tell, at 12-13 or so. My high school experience was kind of the inverse of the TV/movie "cliche", meaning everyone at school was unbelievably nice to me, while it was at home from my parents where I got berated about not being normal and how screwed up I was for not wanting to be like everyone else. I had a group of "friends" that I didn't like, I hung out with them because I would've felt too guilty about not being social if I didn't. My main loves were using message boards, sports, movies, television, etc. Stuff I could do alone. At about 16 I hit rock bottom in regards to SAD and specifically remember a night where I broke down crying and shaking

- Things started to turn around at about 17. That group of "friends" stopped calling me and I had a lot of time on my hands to do specifically what I wanted with it, with relieved some pressure on me. My parents also had a little more understanding at this point things like yelling/ordering me to go do social activities wasn't a good idea. I took singing lessons and got pretty good as one thing that year.

- When I went to university at 18 is when things really started to feel better. I was surrounded by people in a dorm and out on the campus and I really loved taking philosophy classes where I always seemed to have something to say. I got drunk and kissed a few girls which got something off my chest (still a virgin to this day though) and I had a few conversations sprinkled over the year. At the same time when I look back at that first year, it feels so YOUNG. As if I was 13-14 instead of 18 at the time. Near the end of the year I came up with a project to go downtown and say hi to random strangers when I walk past them to try and combat SA. It took me a while to do the first one, eventually I learned to go to the retirement part of town where I could pass one (old) person at a time to do it. Eventually I could do it to a busy downtown street. I wanted to eventually have conversations with strangers but never got that far

- I took half a year off after my first year of university and travelled in europe for a bit. I didn't socialize with as many people at the hostels and etc. as I wanted to. But it was an important trip to think over a lot of things about my life. I thought about needing to be a more confident and positive person for example.

- Also around this time I switched from a movie message board as a main one to a basketball message board. This had some importance because on the latter as my knowledge of the sport increased my ONLINE persona became a confident and even arrogant at times person regarding my opinions, which I guess gave me some strength

- My 2nd year in college was only half a year (as I was in Europe the first half) and I didn't take much classes or talk much with the people there

- I HATED going back home in the summers because I felt like I'd revert to my 16-17 yr old state and go backwards in SAD. A big regret is that I went home not once, not twice but 3 times and hated each summer

- My 3rd year in college (still in a dorm as I am to this day) was another big step. This was a more socially tight knit dorm than the last one and I saw people regularly every day. I still feel like I was a younger person than then now by twice the age difference indicates though. This year I also had my one really really huge infatuation with a female. I had crushes before but this one really knocked me over. I considered her the most beautiful thing I'd seen and for some reason my SAD/nervousness went away around her (while most would expect it'd increase) and we could talk regularly. I felt connected to her as a human being and there was lots of stuff regarding eye contact and etc. that doesn't happen with me and other people. She is not in my life anymore and I regret it but I hold out hope for a reunion at some point

- My 4th year in a college dorm I felt even better regarding SAD and this was the first year I felt somewhat normal as a person. I felt everyone this year accepted me as a normal person more than the other years as well. People have always been nice to me but in HS and etc., it was more like "nice to the kid in the wheelchair" kind of sympathetic kid with problems nice, than "just another kid" nice.

- In spite of all this movement forward I actually think this summer may have been my most important period ever. The reason being is I believe I've taken great steps forward UNDERSTANDING the reasons for SAD. What I had thought for years in the past, was that it was confidence and I didn't have it. While confidence is important, what I read this summer that really struck me is the idea of positivity and negativity being essential to SAD. SAD is chronic negativity regarding socialization, just like anxiety disorders about other things are connected to negativity about them. For example, someone brought up in another thread that he's scared of dogs with big teeth and walking past fast cars or motorcycles. I'm always afraid of those things, or say, heights. Why is this relevant? Because those are smoking guns for NEGATIVITY and jumping to the negative conclusion about things (a dog or a car, oh no it can bite/hit me, oh no I'm step away from death when I'm standing at this cliff). As I re-examined my life it became clear to me how much negativity impacts things. I am a fundamentally negative reacting person to people, places and things. I realized my parents were extremely negative people in the same way, and the socially hermited uncle or aunt or grandparents I never saw because of their broken relationships all were too. It's negativity.

So I bought a little manual counter thing to count all the positive thoughts I had in a day, to try and build a habit of getting as high a score as possible, thus having as many positive thoughts as possible. Good idea? In theory, but then I realized something even greater: The answer isn't to flood yourself with positive thoughts, it's to flood yourself with LOVING thoughts, and to live with love in your heart and soul for those around you, and if we could convinced ourselves that the world has the same love back, we wouldn't have SAD, period. Think about all the people in the world who's lives would be better if all their negativity towards themselves, their lives, others, could be turned into loving thoughts. If they learned to love themselves and others instead of just seeing the darkness.

And that's where I am now. I have become convinced that the answer to SAD is to hold love in my heart for the world and the people around me. It's not easy and it won't come in a day, but I believe this is the right path to keep moving forward against SAD


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## BillC

Shack, that's a brilliant story, thanks for sharing it! Congratulations on doing something about your SAD and stepping forward. And yes, I think that idea of the counters is excellent, I might have to give that one a go! Stories like yours show that you can overcome anything if you try, and I feel really happy that you understand which steps to take, which WILL lead to the end of SAD for you. Hopefully, I wont be too far behind you


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## ShyBuster

*Hard to Imagine 17 Yrs ago!*

Yea, was on the verge of _______ can't say the word!

I threw myself to the dogs, I faced the worst fear to man...Public Speaking...today I get to help others.

At 9 a teacher told me to shut up, sit down and not to say anything again.

Dang, I did as I was told and did not speak up at school ever again..went home after school and raged on the family...INSANITY!

At 39 I walked into a Toastmasters meeting and stayed...It changed and saved my life.


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## littlebigproblems

New to the forum.

I suffer from social anxiety - which I have been for many years. 

Today I started a job as a substitute at a primary school. One thing you should know about me is that I am terrified of kids simply because I don't know how to interact with them. I'm awkward.

So, today I ended up teaching for 5 hours and I was extremely nervous while in class because they didn't take me seriously and I couldn't get them to be quiet. 

I'm not going back because I've realised that working with kids is not something for me. I'm not authorative or even responsible enough to teach them. 

The experience was bad, BUT I am proud of myself for even turning up for such a job. There's no way in hell that I would of ever thought of me working with kids. So, that has given a boost to my confidence  I dare you to leap into something that makes you nervous!


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## finallyonmyway

I feel like im finally working towards overcoming my anxiety and knowing how to keep it under control. 
I finally have my medication under control, and my therapist is amazing. I see a huge difference in myself from a few months ago. I dont get the same feelings and thoughts I would have months ago from particular experiences. I no longer think everyone would be better off if i were dead, in fact, i never really think about suicide as an option anymore. I guess Im seeing that no matter what bad crap happens, it always gets better.


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## bryanxrx

Decided to make an account and share my story since ive been reading through this forum and visiting it regularly now.

I'm 21, i currently go to school and work part time. ive been dealing with Social anxiety since i was about 8 years old and have come a long ways in terms of my anxiety and am now doing things i never thought i would do in a million years.

i first started dealing with social anxiety in 3rd grade. at first i didn't know what was wrong with me, i always thought i was sick or something because i would always feel really weird when i would have to go to school and become sick when i got to school this went on for the rest of the school year and i could function outside of school as if nothing was wrong it was solely at school. 
4th grade came around


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## bryanxrx

Decided to make an account and share my story since ive been reading through this forum and visiting it regularly now.

I'm 21, i currently go to school and work part time. ive been dealing with Social anxiety since i was about 8 years old and have come a long ways in terms of my anxiety and am now doing things i never thought i would do in a million years.

i first started dealing with social anxiety in 3rd grade. at first i didn't know what was wrong with me, i always thought i was sick or something because i would always feel really weird when i would have to go to school and become sick when i got to school this went on for the rest of the school year and i could function outside of school as if nothing was wrong it was solely at school. 
4th grade came around and my social anxiety spread to my life outside of school i didn't want to go anywhere and for the most part just stuck around my house or a few select places i felt safe. 5th grade my social anxiety was in full effect i spent most of my time at school in the bathroom hiding or with an upset stomach. this continued all the way until i graduated from 8th grade, at that point in time i was going to counseling and being put on medication. 
then i started high school they had me on so much medication that i couldn't stay awake in class and could barely think so i went somewhere else where they reevaluated everything and got my dosages straightened out. i still had anxiety pretty consistently no where near what it was previously. i ended up playing paintball competitively my jr year of high school and traveled to a few places through out the country, i then went and did everything i needed to and got my drivers license which helped my anxiety even further because i no longer felt completely trapped anymore. 
senior year of high school came around and i had a group of friends and even went to a party for the first time in my life. graduated from high school and enrolled in college and met a girl outside of school that i saw for about a year. she ended up breaking my heart and my anxiety got worse again which was horrible and i felt completely alone. ive dealt with it and i now am a notary public, a meter reader, and go to college. i still feel lonely and have anxiety here and there but nothing like what it use to be. i can pretty much do anything i want with little or no anxiety and if it does arise i can deal with it. there's still a ton i would like to do but over all I'm amazed I've come this far since i never even thought i would be able to get a drivers license. 

(sorry this is so butchered couldnt really put my thoughts together and wanted to hurry and post this since i accidentally posted the first part.)


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## AdderallAddict

Hey great stories, a like to hear the positive changes you guys have made, its really inspiring to me! I'll share with you my story:

I was pretty wild and obviously ADHD from elementary to middle school, always acting out and out of control. When I got to the end of middle school, I made a change from turning my emotions outward to turning them inward. I developed a highly critical attitude of myself. I thought, why doesnt everyone realize how terrible of a person they are? If they really think life is so great they must be stupid! And so I resented people for having friends/confidence. Really wrong attitude. Psychiatrist diagnosed me with social phobia at 17. 

All that got way worse when I got to college, I started getting overwhelmed by going outside and when I was at my worst I was self harming quite a bit. It's interesting how effective it is to look at the cuts on your arm and be completely separated from those humiliating memories that just won't shut up. But it was really bad, I could hardly handle basic things like exchanging pleasantries with a cashier. I thought I was such a horrible person that my mere presence offended people and wouldn't allow myself to leave my house. Had to drop out of school because I couldn't deal. 

I recognized that I needed to change so I picked up tapes by Tony Robbins (cheesy I know) but in fact it helped me. I had never been exposed to that psychology before and it made sense so I went with it. A person I was somewhat close to at the time, a successful salesperson, told me to get into sales. I figured it was the best way to face my fear of people head on. 

So I worked as a door to door salesperson for one year. It was probably the hardest thing I ever did. But it taught me how to exist in a frame of mind that almost eliminates humiliation and anger from failed interactions. I've alwasy been bold/impulsive and I used that to get my over approach anxiety. I trained myself to exert my social power. It took a lot of guts, but absolutely changed me for the better. 

I am finishing college now, I'm 24, and I've continued to challenge myself. I joined a team sports club, which for a social phobic is really hard to do. Team sports are a very social thing, and as people with social problems we prefer to be left alone and leave others alone. Well in team sports that's not going to fly, obviously. The guys out there are all the kind of guy I really want to be: confident, alpha, not afraid to make mistakes, positive. So I literally forced myself, against all my default settings, to take part. I sucked but hey I got better and I relieved some stress as well. It was really tough in my first game, I felt all the same emotions as when I was back in earlier college years, mostly I was horribly afraid I was going to disappoint people. Well I did disappoint myself but it was okay and I'm richer for the experience. 

Now recently I've been forcing myself to be more outgoing, especially with the beautiful young women on campus. It's normal for men to approach women they are attracted to, compliment them, introduce themselves, etc. and I have been doing that.

I realize that the more I shut myself in the more lonesome I become. And breaking the ice with a person is a lot about breaking your own ice, shedding that dark cloak of self-consciousness and anxiety. I realized its okay to make mistakes (literally the thought "its okay to make mistakes" hadnt processed in my mind since probably kindergarten, and when I reconnected with it, it was like a weight off my shoulders) I stopped beating myself up over things that I have no reason to. For example, while looking at couples and feeling bad about not having a girlfriend, I stop myself think logically: there's nothing wrong with me I just haven't done the things necessary to be in a relationship yet. 

I still have the same issues with my head, its like I turned on a constant google search for humiliating experiences and they just keep popping up. Also, I don't know why, but I'll interpret experiences as being absolutely devastating and convince myself that everybody else involved must hate me. Then, when I see those people, they are perfectly accepting and warm to me, and I realize that I am providing myself humiliating experiences that never happened! Those things maybe will never go away, sometimes they are worse, sometimes I don't think of them at all.

I hope you guys are inspired by my experience and share my feelings on some of these things!


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## pm138

Hi Everyone,
I've not posted before, but have been lurking for a couple of years. I wanted to share my story with you all, hopefully it will inspire others to success! 

I started feeling anxiety about 2 - 3 years ago. Not sure what brought it on. I had up until that point been very sociable, had plenty of friends and never had any similar problems. It developed to a point where I was dreading going in to my desk job every morning and becoming more and more reclusive. 

I was put on Propranolol for a while by my doctor, and while it was helping the physical symptoms, it was not helping my introvertedness, and I realised it wasn't changing the way I was approaching social situations. It was helping me to cope rather than begin to enjoy life again. 

After discussing with the doctor I was put onto a course of CBT, which began about this time last year. The doctor was very supportive, as well as my girlfriend, who encouraged me to challenge myself. Simple things
like go somewhere you feel uncomfortable (a busy shop for example), and stay until your anxiety clears. Another I tried was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and looking at others, to really challenge my perception that people weren't judging or looking at me. These things were hard, but everytime I did them and the relief returned, I felt a real sense of achievement. 

Over time, I started getting my life back. Instead of dreading going to parties or events, there were occasions where I was excited and actually looking forward to it. The biggest challenge I found was to move my thinking from being self-centred and focussed on your own feelings, to thinking about the things around you, and what's going on in your surroundings. 

After about 10 sessions, my doctor suggested I see how it goes without the CBT, and although daunting, I gave it a go. A few weeks later, I stopped taking the propranolol, and started feeling more "normal" again. I still have days where I'm not myself, but I know things are improving. My girlfriend says I'm a completely different person to who I was last year, although I know I still have a way to go yet!

Good luck to everyone trying to get over SA. It's an unpleasant place to be, but you just need to take it one step at a time, good luck! 
Paul


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## Tacoflavouredkisses

My social anxiety started in year 8. The year previous to that, I had moved to high school from my primary school (I live in Australia, there is no middle school). Only a handful of my friends in primary school went to my high school so we all stuck together in a group. Then, one by one they all transferred to different schools, leaving me by myself.

I was too shy to make new friends and ended up sitting alone every day for all of year 8. I would go home and cry myself to sleep constantly. I realised there was something wrong with me when I couldn't look at anyone in the face, I would spend the entire day just looking at people's feet, because if I ever made eye contact with anyone I would freak out thinking they (whoever I met eyes with) would think I was a weirdo.

By year 9, I was severely depressed and gave up hope of ever making friends. Then a girl "Sarah" came up to me during lunch and started a conversation. Even though I was terrified to talk to her, I was so happy to have anyone talk to me. We became best friends and talked/hung out all the time. Few months later, another girl "Imogen" and I also became really good friends.

Even though I had made 2 really good friends that year, I was still suffering from severe social anxiety and couldn't converse with anyone besides my close family and friends. It was then in year 11 when my dad told me about a clothing shop near my house that were hiring casual sales assistants. The thought of working in a job where I'd have to talk to people all day terrified me. But my dad was stubborn and made me print out my résumé and hand it in anyway. A few days later, I received a call from the manager asking me to come in for an interview. I immediately started to worry about all the worst possible things that could happen during the interview, but then told myself that I NEED to do this for myself, otherwise I'll be living in fear for the rest of my life.

So I went to the interview, and it actually went well! I was really nervous during it but the manager knew I was only 16 and didn't expect much of me. The first shift I worked there was probably one of the most terrifying days of my life. All I was expected to do was greet customers. I would (without looking up at them) say very quietly "hi how are you?" and scurry off before they even had a chance to answer. My manager knew I was very shy but had the patience to teach me how to talk to customers. I also learned a lot just by observing people interact with each other in the store.

Since high school has been over, my life has changed dramatically. I now have a lot of close friends and can talk to strangers as confidently as anyone else.

If there is a message to take away from my story, it's that:
- Practice talking to people! Start by talking more with your family and close friends, and try making conversation with friends of friends or family friends. Otherwise you can do what I did and throw yourself in the deep end up getting a job that forces you to talk to people. Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
- These paranoid thoughts never go away entirely, and that's normal. Everyone is a bit self conscious, especially during your teenage years. When you worry about something that you have said/done and think that people still remember it and are having a good laugh about it with their friends, that almost never happens. Everyone is too busy thinking of their own mistakes to think about you.


Hope that made sense haha I wrote it very quickly.


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## collins541

*out of the house*

This memorial day The Japanese company Daiken puts on a festival for the community. Even though I felt embarrassed I went to the festival with my aunt and uncle. I mostly walked around by myself but I did have a good time. Another thing I did was go to the memorial day festival my city puts on. It is close my house and I walked there and watched the fireworks. I am trying to go to more public events even if it is by myself.


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## chely12500

3 years ago my social anxiety had completely taken over my life. I had isolated myself from my co-workers, my family and my friends. All I wanted to do was be alone to avoid the uncomfortable symptoms that social anxiety would trigger in me. I felt hopeless and like I was never going to get over feeling so afraid. SA had me trapped within my own self. I knew I had to do something about it the night I went out for a Christmas dinner with my co-workers whom I had worked with for 5 years and all I wanted to do was crawl out of my skin from the discomfort. I had gotten to the point that I wouldn’t really leave my house unless it was to go to work or any necessary errands. I didn’t feel comfortable even walking among people at the grocery store or wherever I went. The more I tried to hide, the more exposed I felt. 
Healing from SA for me has been a process of an inner journey. Learning to know myself on a very deep level and learning to accept what is there. When I started to practice self-awareness and self-compassion for how I was in that moment I noticed that I gradually became more comfortable with myself around others. The first step for me was learning to be comfortable with myself. I started to feel less and less the urge to hide who I was. The process of self-awareness is painful yet liberating. It takes a lot of commitment and perseverance and most importantly to cultivate being compassionate with what you find within yourself. When you inquire deeply about who you are there is also a surprise gift you will find within. A sort of connection which I did not expect to find searching within such darkness. It takes time and dedication to personal growth but it is possible. 
Some great books I read which helped me change my distorted perception of who I was:
The shadow effect by Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson.
Healing your emotional self by Beverly Engel
Daring Greatly and the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
A new Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Truth Heals by Deborah King
These books taught me how to search within and find my authentic self and connect and accept myself on a level which I never thought possible. I felt my perception of myself shift in a very positive way. In turn I felt that I felt less afraid to be myself and less affected by the fear of what others might think of me.


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## MaggieNoodle

*Story of change...*

I found out you can unscrew the blade from a pencil sharpener.
Anyway, it helps me deal with things. It changes me, yes.


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## nii92002

*It is possible to overcome*

For me, I've always been a shy person, very lonely. etc. When things changed for me is when i started praying, listening to Joyce Meyer, and the saying a verse about putting on the armor of God - first thing in the morning before the enemy attacks. One of the peices of armor is breastplace of righteousness - He accepts me no matter what. And then realizing that some people will not like you no matter what - and they are the ones missing out. You have to believe that about yourself if you expect people to love you back - you got to love yourself first. And hold your head up high each day - recharge each morning by spending time talking to God. And I really do think getting your mind off of yourself helps ALOT - b/c it can get to a point where its selfish where you obsess over how you feel etc....But, just realize that you were made just like you were for a reason - and you have something that no one else has. You are not better than anyone else - but you are not worse either. Every one has their own battles - just sometimes people that have to be in a clique hide theirs a little better. But, when you can stand on your own - it shows strength. In the end, God is the only person that can judge you - and He is the only One you need to worry about. He thinks your perfect how you are - you are just have to believe it too. Best of luck to all - I'll end off saying.....for me, I did overcome my anxiety, it's not easy - but giving it to God is what did for me. And staying busy....and helping someone else - you'll be surprised how it really does help. And each day make a step in the right direction - if you fail, pick up tommorow and take it as a new day.


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## Nicolette

If someone would have told me(3 years ago), me, a social phobiac, an agoraphobiac, claustrophobiac, obsessive-compulsive, addictive etc. that i will be travelling the world, being in the most crowded places, intrracting with people of different nationalities, cultures, habits, life level, etc., i would have said he/she's crazy. It's true that i made huge eforts to hide my fear, desperation, emotional pain, phisical sickenss, and that i became a good actor, to give my best. Still, hiding from yourself first of all and then from the others, not accepting who you are, not leaving your masks behind, not trusting people, not leaving yourself in fait's(God's) hands and being obsessed with control, being the slave of an image of how people should see you in order to accept and like you, is the cause of the perpetuation of this disorder. 
Since this problems appeared, or started to manifest, like 13 years ago, when i was 18, i was in continuous introsection, analysis, i became like my own case study. Progresses existed, and this only because i got closer to the essence of the problem. We need to reach the cause not just try to eliminate the effects. I refused to take any medication, allthough i went through rough phases of depression. I believe the power is in us first of all. Faith is the answer and positive thinking should be the engine of our actions. No matter what! 
I still have many fears but now i know that fears are just reminiscents from past. I became more counscient of myself. I don't feel like a victim anymore. I just learn. This is what we should all try to do, have the courage to look behind the closed doors. 
Thank you.


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## sevryne

Hello,

I'm new here, but I wanted to share my experience with you guys because if one person finds hope from this then it will have done its job. Social anxiety is difficult but it can get better. A lot better. 

When I was a child I was abused by my mom. She was a toxic person (she still is but to a lesser degree). Puberty was when my SAD/GAD started, along with depression and all the self-lows (confidence, esteem, efficacy, etc). I moved to a new high school across the country. I became so scared of people that I didn't make a single friend, didn't talk to anyone (not even teachers). I spent lunchtime in the bathroom or snuck into the library because I didn't have anyone to sit with (we had a huge school with a very crowded, cramped lunchroom so sitting alone was painfully obvious). 

I got really good grades but they started to deteriorate because of my depression. I stopped studying, just zoned out all day on the couch under a blanket and stared at the TV without paying attention. I spent most of my days zoned out or crying to myself. When my parents got home, I would get yelled at or hit. Got pretty bad at one point, almost got strangled. I guess it wasn't entirely their fault, I was so unhappy and really snappy and irritable.

In college I decided that enough was enough. It wasn't always like this, I used to be able to make friends. I didn't want to be friendless in college. So I tried my best to do things that seemed like it would be awkward, humiliating, and painful. It was like that quite often. I even got panic attacks.

I pledged for a sorority, forcing myself to do social things.
I tried to talk to a girl on my floor, it turned out really really really awkward and she ended up making fun of me to the other girls ( I overheard them).
I went to parties.
I ate lunch by myself (something that I was really scared to do).
I joined a church and tried to make friends there.
I got made fun of and made lots of mistakes, made friends and lost a lot of them as well. 
I also took therapy at my school (it was cheap for students).
I got a boyfriend (it was awful).
I got a second boyfriend (it was bad, but better).
I ended up losing a lot of my friends but kept the ones that really matter.

College was difficult, I was suppose to get to know professors, get research/lab experience from them, get recommendation letters. I was so petrified that I couldn't even talk to them to ask questions about coursework because I was afraid they would think I was dumb. I still have this problem, still haven't gotten any of those things, and I'm still trying to improve. I ended up with the courage to talk to one professor and it was pretty great.

I try to consistently do things that the internet suggests: mindfulness meditation, fake it til you make it (it works! just takes a while), eat healthy, sleep more. All these things are stuff you can look up in any search engine. I keep a journal and write positive things about myself. It feels fake when you tell yourself "I love you" or "I forgive you" or "It's okay that this didn't work out" but eventually it will become real. 

It was really difficult to do at first but now, it's much easier. I can introduce myself to a stranger, I can small talk, I am comfortable around strangers, I have a great boyfriend who encourages me everyday, I have a solid relationship. Most importantly, I don't hate myself anymore. I don't feel inadequate anymore. I'm loving who I am more and more each day. 

I haven't completely won the battle, I have off days where i feel really insecure. I still get really scared about interviews etc. But I see loads of improvement and I'm very happy with it. 

Please continue to do the things that you're doing to battle this! It does get better. It took me almost 5 years to get to where I am today. It's a slow process, but it does get better. I encourage everyone to fight their fears.

"Constant dripping hollows out a stone." Lucretius


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## Lelii046

These probably are not as amazing as other peoples stories, but Ive slowly begun to stick up for myself. Like a few weeks ago at my new college we were playing a game to learn peoples names and everyone was messing up and she called me out of everyone, so I told her off. It felt kind of wrong, but good because I have never stuck up for myself before, I always just sort of took it and got mad at myself later. She was mad at me afterwards, but I didn't care.
And I've finally cut off a lot of negative people from my life, such as a "friend" of mine from high school. We were close and he helped me out at times, but he was always putting me down and I grew tired of it, so I removed him from my life. its kind of hard because I currently only have one true friend, but I suppose I'll meet new people in college.


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## Hamtown

A bit over 2 years ago i was extremely depressed, a hermit. I'd built up so much pain,regret,guilt and delusion from childhood, school etc. It is insane to know how isolated a person can become. My teenage life was mostly just pain.

I've realised recently the way to change(myself anyway) is to focus on what you want, as if its already happened. The delusion is figuring out answers in your mind, with your same conditioned thinking..you have to change your entire perception. I got extremely depressed the other day, with the help of a video or two i just got sick of it. So for the past 4 or so days i've been intensively switching my thought patterns. I will force myself to meditate, workout,do a visualisation exercise, have a walk, feel good about myself and think positively about ANYTHING in my life. 

I still smoke tobacco and still desire it but instead of " I really want to stop smoking" i say "I am happy as a non smoker, it will be easy to stop" even though its the total opposite of what i feel.Or "How will they think of me" i will think " People love me for who i am" while trying to generate some emotion behind it or imagine myself feeling comfortable in a scenario with other people. Focusing on what i want rather then what i don't want!!! This has been a huge realization for me. Really believing it because at the end day, i know it is what i want. Consistantly checking my thoughts as they arise and switching them. Or if im down i think about what i truly want and imagine myself in the situations. Festivals, license,spirituality, friends, peace, whatever it is. When i get resistance from the old self , i know all i have to do is just really try to feel good about what it is i want. Then i might do a binaural beat affirmation audio before bed(beats that change your brain frequency, while giving subliminal messages) . If an emotion needs to release, i will try release it. Nature helps too. Also getting in touch with the body or creative side..sport,meditation,dance,music..some form of natural bodily expression. I will force myself to look someone in the eye, and remind myself of my intentions from earlier work should fear come. Also positive media!!!!!! Turn off the telly, find things that make you feel good.

All i can say is, this is it. I've found my path to change. My core perception of the world is screwed and i have to literally create another personality. We literally rewire our brains by thinking and feeling differently, but if we keep falling in the same pattern we further strengthen the neurons and pathways associated to a **** pattern that happened so ****ing long ago. You can't fight the subconcious with ordinary concious thinking..you have to understand that 95% of what you do is subconcious(fact), the subconcious acts exactly like a record player.

Yes this is directly related to social anxiety in my opinion. Your core perception, self worth, needs etc. Whatever you minds content is, you become. Simple as that.


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## getsomeair

Wow lots of essays here... My story of change suddenly feels so futile...

In any case, I just dropped by to say I made small talk with an acquaintance on the bus today. We were heading towards the same place. I could have waited for the next bus, since I saw the other person getting on before me. But I got on, and sat right next to the other person. 

Not really a story of change... I mean, the old me would have sat elsewhere. 

But I will take the later bus next time.


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## flipside4cp

I went to my second Toastmasters meeting this morning, and it went fairly well! I was VERY uncomfortable at my first one, but wanted to give another club a try and see if I felt like I fit in more. I did. It was a special meeting, so I didn't have the opportunity to practice a table topic, or even formally introduce myself to the whole group all at once. I did get to interact with about 5 or so people and that went well! I made a commitment to bring fruit to the next meeting in two weeks, and I am becoming a member next time and hope to make this a competitive advantage that pulls me from my panic while reading or speaking in front of a group.


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## Daveman

*Meetup groups*

Hello,
I just wanted to recommend looking for meetup groups in your area that deal with social anxiety. The one in San Diego is great. I've met lots of great people that are going through the same thing. The meetings are no pressure. You don't even have to talk if you don't want. Everyone understands and the support is very helpful. Make yourself go. You will feel better.

"Most things that I worry about never happen anyway."....Tom Petty


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## laura024

I become more resilient and positive every day, with only minor setbacks. This has only become possible since my bipolar disorder has been in remission. I'm hoping I can keep myself healthy. Life is much more complicated when you have several "layers" of mental illnesses. By peeling one off, you can then focus on the others.

Every day I wake up and tell myself I'm going to make anxiety my *****. Sometimes anxiety wins the small battles, but I'm not going to let it stop me from doing what I want with my life.


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## julianac13

Mine is in video form if anyone is interested!


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## RainbowRND

My story is very mundane. In addition to social anxiety, I've suffered from depression, inferiority complex, and multiple other things that contradict my esteem and blah blah blah. 

I'm just going to get to the story. I pretty much secluded myself for 3 months. I usually do this every summer, but this was different because I was pretty much having a meltdown. I was anxious over going to school and I was thinking up to most absurd ways to deal with it. I've always been a budding misanthrope, but that summer kind of was the icing on the apathy cake. 

Then once school started I just started talking to people slowly. I acted like everything was okay for so long and it was as if the act settled in and became a part of my being. I didn't feel anxious over conserving with people and I think I'm just more avoidant part of the spectrum now.


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## Melmel

Ok so my SA symptoms probably started around when I was 8. I honestly don't know what caused them, I actually was a very confident kid before it happened... Though when it started, I probably only had 3 friends. Things got really bad in 6th grade - I was afraid to say "hi" to my best friend (and my only friend). With in a month, I didn't even have any friends. I would hide during lunch because I didn't wanna be seen alone and I was afraid that people would judge me because of the way I ate. I even had this special spot behind the locker rooms and I would hide whenever I heard any voice approaching. If I said something I felt like was stupid, I would think about it for days - and I would cry for no reason sometimes. My mom sent me to counseling and I HATED it. I lied in every session about my feelings. Afterwards, I pretended that i'd gotten better and it seemed to work for a while. Until my mom started to notice and she started to force me into situations and told me I _had_ to get better. It felt really unfair at the time because to me, she really didn't know what it was like. But it actually did work. So now i'm better and I have close friends. I'm really proud of myself 

~~~~~~~~~
But there are still a lot of people who label me as "quiet". It never really bothered me before when people mentioned this - but now it does for some weird reason. Anyways, i've really gotten better


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## eris and dysnomia

I went to a new cinema, by myself, today. So proud of myself. Had a great time, too. Sometimes I get nervous about going to new places by myself, but I managed it and pushed past the social anxiety of being around all the crowds in an extremely busy and popular cinema in my city. I did it!


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## Robodontopus

Alright, I'm gonna use this thread to sort of reintroduce myself on these forums, since I was on here about two years ago for a couple months then stopped posting. And I don't really feel like making a new introduction thread.

Anyway, since I last visited this site I've gotten pretty comfortable at my job, made some good work-friends, and become much more relaxed around people in general. I still have some pretty serious anxiety that keeps me from doing certain simple things, like going to get a damn haircut or seeing a movie sometimes, but I'm definitely better than I was a couple years ago. Right now I'm just kind of working and living and not worrying too much about the future. Sometimes I even forget that I have problems with anxiety, because I fall into the rhythm of job and eat and sleep, but then some new or uncomfortable social situation pops up and I'm like Oh yeah **** this sucks. But mostly I feel much better and more confident in myself than I have in a very long time.

So, I may post on here a bit, but I'll probably just creep around without ever actually saying anything.


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## matahari

Looking back i realize that i use to feel social phobia at times without me realizing the anxieties. 

1. I felt scared to go out and meet new people, afraid of being shut down or being told im not good. 

2. I felt i was always inferior of all of them. They are always right and im wrong. 

3. I felt that my opinion will not be taken seriously or even looked at it. 

4. I felt that i was not appreciated whenever i join a group of organization of people gathering. 

5. I felt that what if everything falls into its place and smooth... and then when i realize that... 

5. It is me that myself creating the world around me. 

4. What others say about me is none of my concern and i really can't stop them. So why bother ? 

3. I can improve my knowledge and skills by learning little by little what i want to master in. I can beat the anxiety and have a more confidence in myself. All i need to do simply push myself beyond this zone and keep learning. 

2. Fear and anxiety is simply a feeling that i can overcome only by embracing it over and over until it is gone. 

1. Life is too short to live in anxiety or fear. Life has a purposes and here i am sharing how others too can beat this and start really enjoying what life has to to offer.


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## Sydney422

*Slow down. Be genuine. Listen.*

Hi everyone!
I just wanted to share some of the things that have helped me to overcome my anxieties and fears about being around people.

People I know used to say "What's wrong?" to me all the time. I started to realize it was because may face was always tense and it made it look like I was always angry.
I used to avoid going to the mall unless absolutely necessary because I thought that everybody was looking at me.

Overcoming my fear of walking in the mall, or being in any public setting:
First of all, RELAX!!!! 
Take a couple deep breaths and a few minutes to loosen up and relax your body, esp your face. 
Think of something that makes you happy, and keep a slight grin on your face at all times. It's remarkable how this small thing changes how people view you, even when just passing by. This is very important!
Try not to make eye contact with passers by, it makes people uncomfortable. They may just be wondering why you are looking at them! 
If you do make eye contact, just grin a little and mouth the word hi or nod your head a little.
It's really amazing the difference it makes, just that small gesture.
Look as if your thinking of something pleasant and focus on other things. Relax and enjoy your surroundings.
*****************************************

I'll never forget the time I ran into someone from high school in a store. I was a panic instantly, red face and sweating, and all they wanted to do was say high and have a short conversation! That's just an example of what used to happen all the time.
And God forbid that I had to be in a group of people and say something, that was something to be avoided at all costs.

My fear of talking to people:
Again, RELAX!!!! Take a deep breath and take a few minutes to loosen up and relax your body, esp your face.
SLOW DOWN. (Very Important!) Don't rush your thoughts OR your words. You are not being timed. Be like Jeff Spicoli (surfer dude), super relaxed. 
STAY IN THE MOMENT. This one has helps me a lot! Keep your mind focused on the convo you're having NOW. Don't let your mind wander. 
LISTEN!!! Let them talk! Genuinely listen to what the person/people are saying, and remember that everybody likes to know that they're being heard. Get out of your own head! Focus on the conversation at hand.
BE GENUINE. Don't lie and don't exaggerate. It helps you to stay relaxed. *Be your real self.*
LAUGH! When they say something funny, (even just a little) laugh! This should come naturally if you're in the moment, relaxed and genuinely listening.
Thanks for reading this! I hope it helps.


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## jaofao

I set goals to improve myself, just little things like appearance, how I make eye contact, how I listen, what attitude I show. I change slowly, but it shows, and it makes me happy.


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## the shy girl

my social anxiety began on my first day of highschool:

on my first day of high school I was feeling so nervous I was dreading high school it all summer. when I went in the hall where all the grade 8 people went to find out where to go , I started getting so nervous there was so many people that I could barley breath it felt like they were all staring at me and judging me.
I couldn't make eye contact with them.
I was so nervous that I forgot the class room that I was supposed to go to and I didn't know anyone at the school and I was feeling so shy that I couldn't ask anyone where I was supposed to go.
so I started panicking I could feel my heart racing , my palms sweating, I was shaking and crying . I could feel people starring at me wondering why I was crying. eventually a teacher came up to me and asked if I was lost I just nodded my head . she went to the office to check what classroom I was in then walked me to my class.
everyone was starring at me when I walked into the room , I took a seat at the back away from everyone else and avoided eye contact.
that was the first panic attack I had, after That day I found out I had social anxiety.


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## jlscho03

I was looking for a thread like this!

I have been feeling pretty good on the SA front recently. I am continuing my harpsichord lessons (one-on-one with a teacher), and I have a job that deals with interacting with people via phone and e-mail, and that has carried out into my non-work life.

I was always scared to e-mail or call people, but that is all I do at work and I've since learned that it's no big deal. So...

I've signed up for a fencing class. I just had a random thought one day that was, "I want to try fencing." I did the research on my best choices, and settled on the university option. I had to e-mail the guy in charge of the club, plus the coach. Calling to secure a pass for the building was my most difficult challenge, but I think that due to my work experience, I was able to power through.

The lessons start on Monday, and I don't feel nervous at all, I am just excited. Although I do know that walking to the building on Monday I'll become nervous, I have already paid for the pass to the building (not the class yet) so I am financially committed as well. 

I'm not going to back out. I hope that I'll be able to make decent conversation with the people there. When in clubs in high school, I still never really interacted with anyone, but I'm going to try to change that.


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## glintPale

mevsme said:


> Hey guys.
> I've been really shy all of my life and thought it was just part of my personality. I became sick of being so shy and not doing what I wanted and thought, "Why can't I do this?" I used to have very low self-esteem. I thought if what I wanted didn't come to me than I would never get it. I hated letting people walk all over me but didn't want to say no because I didn't want to start an argument. But then I thought, "Well if I say no and they get angry at me, than they're stupid and our relationship isn't worth it." People look down at you for not stepping up. They take advantage of kindness and I'm sick of making all the sacrifices. I've become more confident and proud of myself. I take more care in my looks and wear much nicer clothes than I used to. I know that other people are wrong sometimes and I can't let their negativity stop me from getting what I want. I know who I am, and that's all that matters.
> I try to be very friendly towards people but if they disrespect me or I don't like them then I won't. People get what they deserve.
> Of course I still have battles with insecurities so I don't think I'm quite where I would like to be at when it comes to self esteem. I struggle with acne and weight issues that keep my confidence low. But that's gonna change.  It will take time but with effort I know I can do it. I take extra care for my skin, diet, and exercise.
> I'm still really shy when it comes to cute boys though, haha. And I'm still a quiet person, that's part of my personality and won't change. I'm just not energetic and outgoing. But I've grown a lot and I can talk to people if I really want to. I can voice my opinion and not feel like I'm wrong.
> Battling with social anxiety has helped me with other things. I can do what I want without holding myself back. I feel like it's worth to at least try.


It feels like it's me who's talking .
(big Like)


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## herk

Recently I've had some minor triumphs over social anxiety - I went to a concert for the first time, and it was amazing, being around that many people and no one giving a **** about the people around them, it's all just about enjoying the music and having a good time; I've started to go running around my neighborhood, which might not sound like a big deal to other people, but I've been wanting to do this for a while but could never will myself to do so because of negative thoughts and all that bull****. But yeah, I still have a loooooong way to go, since I'm essentially agoraphobic at this point. I don't feel ready to do something like college or applying for jobs yet, so I think I need to go to a therapist first (I've been telling myself to do so for a while but once again, can't seem to force myself to go through with it) ANYWAYS, BABY STEPS!


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## Kiwong

Beat panic attacks
Learnt to swim as an adult overcoming a life long fear of water.
Beat 20 years of knee pain
Ran a marathon 
Ran an ultra marathon


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## Draconess25

This is just copied and pasted from my profile:

I didn't always have SA. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was more antisocial than anything. I knew I was powerful. I could make anyone believe or do anything. When other kids my age would talk to me, I couldn't be bothered with their simple little minds. I wanted intelligent conversations.

In the middle or 3rd grade, I moved from my childhood home and transferred schools. I didn't realize it at the time, but that's when I probably started to crack, and stuff just kept piling on. Mom's ex husband got out of prison, went through a few bad relationships, kids tormeting me at school, etc.

I thought I was doing okay when I met my first girlfriend freshman year. She was strong and sweet. Unfortunately, she had a bad relationship with her parents. They were homophobic and already didn't like me before we started dating. First I was just overprotective, then I started getting paranoid and general, and I eventually got to where I feared absolutely everything. I couldn't even make toast.

I had drank occassionally since middle school, but never to get drunk. By the time we broke up junior year, I was asking 15 year olds to buy me booze. At least I wasn't afraid when I was drunk. Just dead and mean. I still can't remember most of my junior year, and I'm not too sure I really regret it.

Shortly after senior syear started, I met my current boyfriend. He gave me a reason to stop drinking. Still, it took me awhile to recover. For the first year we were dating, I was even more anxious than before, and I wasn't sure I would ever get better. But I did.

It was actually really sudden. One day, I couldn't even order food or ask for help at a store. Then my mom's husband kicked us out, and the next day, I was ready to go out and rule the world. I got my fire back. I still have it, though it's a little difficult to keep in check. But I'm okay now. Just an *******. 

I think Eminem's "Lose Yourself" really helped.

I'm still afraid of losing a loved one, or a loved one getting sick or hurt, but I think those are pretty normal fears. Other than that, I just have tocophobia. And I don't even care about that one. Pregnancy and childbirth are just plain disgusting, anyways. xD


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## BattyOldMaid

I have never been good with crowds or audience, even if it is just two. I always blamed it on the fact that my mothers side of the family are not social people, we tend to help each other or keep each other company. My mother never allowed us to have friends over as she hated having people in her house, I am the same, my two brothers are the same. 

At 16 years old my father suddenly died, my mother wallowed in self pity and stayed in bed all day every day. A neighbour told me about a job that was going, cleaning houses, I loved the work as I was on my own, any correspondence was via pen and paper. The more I worked in this situation the worse my social anxiety became. I had no prompting to make an effort to mingle with other people. 

Working alone meant I had all the time to reflect on my life, and it became apparent that my mother was the catalyst, any efforts to try improve myself was criticised, any friends I had was also bad mouthed and criticised, their lifestyle, their jobs, the cars the family. Nothing I ever did was good enough, I realised she had been chipping away at my confidence until there was nothing left.

A friend from school asked me if I would be attending a get together that was near me, I didn't want to go, I made all sorts of excuses not to go, I made myself ill working myself up to the point of being ill to go. On the day I was supposed to go but stuck to my guns not to go, I suddenly went. The prompt - my mother smirking. I knew our relationship was toxic and I needed to change that, but didn't know how.

At the gathering, I saw a man who held an audience captivated with story tellling, he was the same at school, the extrovert who always had something interesting to talk about. Time didn't change his demeanour, his enthusiasm for life, his ambitions, his aims. Kevin must have realised I was engrossed with this man, he asked me if I remembered him, I said who wouldn't. Kevin went over and asked him to come and meet me, I was too scared to run! I convinced myself he wouldn't remember me, why would he, a meek mouse hiding.

To my surprise he knew me, he remembered me, his words "ahh that quiet and sensible girl forever in the cloakroom", he started to talk to me and ask me questions, how was my life, what I had done. He made it so easy for me to talk to, I fumbled over my words, and didn't make any sense but he was so good with me, never once made me feel stupid. He just kept saying he remembered me being incredibly shy, as I said he was so good.

He gave me his mobile number. He went back to Wales, I returned home (Newcastle). I did not tell my mother about him, I knew she would find fault, criticise, berate me etc. We text each other frequently and I went to Wales to stay with him for a week and ended up staying for 3 weeks. It was a crazy time, he was a complete extrovert and loved going out to parties and meet up with people. I found it wasn't so bad, the anxiety about meeting people, because he had full personality to carry us both.

My mother thought I was staying with a friend (girl) and relished the break! However, her nit picking came with full force, I think I may have gotten confidence and sure of myself while I was in Wales, without her harping on about one thing or the other the stress went down. When the stress went down it was easier to manage the anxiety. Back home, stress levels were upping each day and I felt the despair once more. I knew if I didn't leave, I would never never. My confidence had been shattered, barely put back together and wouldn't never be put together again if it shattered once more. She was too toxic.

One morning, I told her I was leaving in a week Monday. She laughed, my brothers snorted and laughed. I gave one week notice to my employers. Sunday night, I packed, I don't think she realised I was being serious even then.

Monday morning, I said goodbye. She asked me where I was going, I said the train station, she said she would come with me. On the platform, she was shaking so bad, for the first time, she floundered. For the first time, I felt so strong.

My husband never knew I was moving in with him, it was a massive shock. We've been together for 14 years, the social anxiety is still within, but I manage it. I still work myself up to the point of being ill to avoid some situations - parent evening, birthday parties, sleep overs, friends visiting, strangers visiting. 

I think having children also helped in a massive way, you are forced to meet people you would never have done without children, midwife, health visitors, doctors, teachers, social workers, audiologist, other parents.

I will always be grateful for my husband not taking the mickey when we met, for being patience, for always being ready to carry me in a moments notice.

Even though the social anxiety has lessened, even though most of the time I can stay on top, there have been moments where I am affected so badly. I don't let that get me down, I don't obsess over it, we have ups and downs and that's normal, so I accept when the social anxiety is worse one day or none existence in the other.

As for my relationship with my mother, she doesn't have the power to hurt me any more, she doesn't have the mindset to ruin anything I have, cherish and hold, my dreams. Because with my husband's guidance, I grew in strength and confidence to stand my own ground with her. As a result we get on better. 

The irony of his extroversions helping my introversions, is that his family has remarked since he met me, he has been much more calmer, they say that I have helped to ground him. I guess it is the balance of things that helps. He helped me out of my shell and my shyness has helped to rein in the brash personality!


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## BookWyrm

Sooooo... I guess my story starts my sophomore year of high school. It had been a year since my parents had moved the family down from near Seattle, to middle-o-nowhere Arizona and things had been pretty good. I was always introverted as a kid, so i really wasn't worried that I only had a handful of friends and didn't get out too often, I blamed the location. 

Not too far into my sophomore year, though, I started feeling sick. It wasn't a constant thing, it would hit suddenly and without warning. I would call in sick to school, or leave halfway through, I couldn't stand the thought of taking the weekend trips to larger towns to go shopping, or would wind up running out of a mall screaming (yes that did happen once >.<). I was becoming a homebody to the extreme, not quite a shut-in, I still had a few friends, but I was becoming even more of an introvert. I never wanted to go out and I rarely instigated things on my own. 

My parents finally took me to the doctors and then came the tests! I feel I've given more blood to tests than to blood drives sometimes. I was poked and prodded, given one medication or another, I felt like a science experiment most of the time- which just made things worse. I was failing school, my parents were frustrated. I was losing hope.

During this whole fiasco I was talking to a psych. counselor. I'd actually been talking to him for a while before this all started- my brother has asperger's syndrome and depression runs in the family. Well while all the medical tests were going on, My counselor sat and talked to me, like normal. Those two days a week became my highlights, because it was normal- I was normal. He finally managed to help me work out that there was a method to the madness, that only in certain areas or times would "the sickness" be set off. After a few(more) tests, low and behold we had a winner! Social Anxiety!

Social Anxiety!... now what? I had a name, now I needed a cure. I had been told there's really not a cure, but I still held on to hope for the "magic pill" that would solve the problem. The psychiatrist prescribe plenty of pills, but nothing with the result I wanted, to be honest most had rather horrible results. After almost breaking my neck and suffering through the suicidal thoughts brought on by my experience with Klonipin, I had enough. No drugs! I was sick of hit and miss. 

My counselor understood. My parents were a bit harder to convince, they too, I think, were hoping for a "miracle pill". My problem with the anxiety meds was while some of the meds kept me calm, I was woozy, out-of-it, drunk, detached, they didn't allow the control I wanted. What would happen if I had an attack out of reach of my pills? I was in band, I did theater tech- a bag of pills is hard to get to at times- I went out boating/jet-skiing on the nearby lake- what if I lost my things overboard? At school, I'd have to leave my meds with the nurse- I would have to leave class to take my pills, not really something I really wanted to explain to teachers or classmates.

So I figured out my triggers. I figured out how to avoid and/or minimize them and in cases where they couldn't be avoided I learned how to control them, to break the fear/panic cycles. It's not a 100% surefire thing, I still have attacks, but when I went shopping in a big city mall and had fun, when I graduated high school and walked up in front of everyone to receive my diploma, walked into a college lecture, on a strange campus, with 200+ strangers and a teacher I had never even seen before, calmly sat down in a seat and got an A in the class... well to me, it's worth it. 


THE END :clap


Wellll... not really, after getting that "A" things backslid a bit for various reasons and I'm on my second college attempt now. However, I moved to another state by myself and am in the process of getting a secondary education degree with emphasis in the arts- High School Art Teacher, for those scratching their heads. "so always look at the bright side of life" as they say. 



and just to let people know now, this isn't a bash against anxiety meds! this is just a personal story. I have several friends that have normal reactions to many of the meds I was prescribed, they work for them and I am happy that they found a way that helps them.


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## Jlcunn86

*My SAD story:*

As long as I can remember I have been afraid of others, even extended family. I would hide in the playground instead of play on it, I cry at the grocery store and have actually vomited on people because I was so nervous and afraid.

But this is a story of how I overcame it at least once. I want to be a graphic designer (not an easy career path for someone with this disorder I know) because art became the love of my life. As a very lonely person art was the only comfort I had and it was the only thing I believed myself to be good at for a long time.

I decided on the art institute of salt lake, but even on the day of applying and interviewing at the school was all sweaty palms and tears in the bathroom, but I wanted it. I needed it. I got through the interview, shuddering and nervous, but I got through it by telling myself that I could only maintain a level of panic for so long before my body calms itself down. Towards the end of the interview I started opening up and sharing my feelings and my true love of the arts. It worked and I was accepted.

Every day was a battle and I even decided on online courses for some of my generals so that I could focus. I worked so hard just to attend, but in class critiques I often kept silent staring at my desk, hoping not to be included. I fought daily battles from the bus ride to the classroom and back. But despite all of the obstacles in my way I graduated after two years with my associates in graphic design.

I am happy and proud of myself and my achievement has given me hope, that even someone like me could do that with no meds, or therapy. It was all me, it was my raw nerve that saw me through this. And that is a good feeling.

J.


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## SilentOrchestra

It's been about 4 years since I posted anything here. 

The VERY short version is this: I used to be so socially anxious I couldn't make friends, date, or withstand being in public in general; it was painful, confusing, terrifying, and I was a very awkward, nervous, mute girl....But I relentlessly pushed myself every day, and I accomplished everything I dreamed of and more; pursing my interests, friends, school, work, and best of all-a relationship! X3

I would say what helped me the most was joining clubs that fit my hobbies, doing volunteer work so that I had to socially interact more, becoming more spiritually active, and just fighting my anxiety one day at a time.

Don't get me wrong, I have my shy moments and public speaking will probably always be something that makes my palms damp, but I don't let my anxiety rule over me anymore-He's been usurped!


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## Marko3

SilentOrchestra said:


> It's been about 4 years since I posted anything here.
> 
> The VERY short version is this: I used to be so socially anxious I couldn't make friends, date, or withstand being in public in general; it was painful, confusing, terrifying, and I was a very awkward, nervous, mute girl....But I relentlessly pushed myself every day, and I accomplished everything I dreamed of and more; pursing my interests, friends, school, work, and best of all-a relationship! X3
> 
> I would say what helped me the most was joining clubs that fit my hobbies, doing volunteer work so that I had to socially interact more, becoming more spiritually active, and just fighting my anxiety one day at a time.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I have my shy moments and public speaking will probably always be something that makes my palms damp, but I don't let my anxiety rule over me anymore-He's been usurped!


good to hear that girl... i'm happy for u.


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## Anjylic

*I watched a video of myself, and I realized the weirdest thing*

I always dreaded the idea of watching a video of myself, but I actually went through with it today because I had to for class, and man, I actually found out Im no where as near as weird as I imagine myself being. It really helped me not feel awkward, and to actually be confident for once 

I would highly recommend people try this.


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## rosecolored

SilentOrchestra said:


> It's been about 4 years since I posted anything here.
> 
> The VERY short version is this: I used to be so socially anxious I couldn't make friends, date, or withstand being in public in general; it was painful, confusing, terrifying, and I was a very awkward, nervous, mute girl....But I relentlessly pushed myself every day, and I accomplished everything I dreamed of and more; pursing my interests, friends, school, work, and best of all-a relationship! X3
> 
> I would say what helped me the most was joining clubs that fit my hobbies, doing volunteer work so that I had to socially interact more, becoming more spiritually active, and just fighting my anxiety one day at a time.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I have my shy moments and public speaking will probably always be something that makes my palms damp, but I don't let my anxiety rule over me anymore-He's been usurped!


:clap so inspiring.


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## pemigwasset

I had an interview today for my first part time job! I owned that firetruck like no tomorrow. Guess who's gonna be getting a job!!!


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## herz

It's been quite a bit since I last wrote a post. Well, I've had many ups and downs. The biggest "down" was taking a leave of absence from school. The leave of absence became permanent; I withdrew from college. Though I consider withdrawing from college a negative, I try not to beat myself up for making that decision. Considering what I was going through and how depressed I was it was only a reasonable choice.

Since I stopped attending college I was able to receive treatment and was placed on medication. The therapy helped a lot. Talking to my counselor was difficult at first but eventually I was able to confide in her. I cried and we laughed together and she was really supportive. Therapy helped me realize many things that hurt me, the damaging relationships I had, and made me self aware. I broke complete contact with my ex who only added darkness to my life. I began to believe her words that I was beautiful (I also happen to suffer from low low self esteem).

Around that time I also got a job... as a sales associate. Though I was extremely anxious the fear of failure and disappointing my manager made me push myself. I played the part of cheerful sales associate as best as I could. It was my first job and I wanted to perform my best. In the end though, I was unhappy. I felt like I was creating a fake me. Soon I left that job and took up another one and I've been employed with the same company over a year now.

My current job actually requires heavy customer interaction. But for some odd reason I like the company's big size and high customer traffic. I guess it allows for certain anonymity. I talk to coworkers though and still try to converse. Although I've seen many improvements, I still find it hard to strike up conversations. I've become better at managing my anxiety though and I push myself more to get out of my comfort zone. 

To make this a bit shorter, I have improved but I know that there is still more room for improvement. For example, I just recently started going (occasionally) to the employee's lunchroom. I try to maintain a more positive attitude now. And I'm happy to say I'll be going back to school soon.


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## Mithun

herz said:


> It's been quite a bit since I last wrote a post. Well, I've had many ups and downs. The biggest "down" was taking a leave of absence from school. The leave of absence became permanent; I withdrew from college. Though I consider withdrawing from college a negative, I try not to beat myself up for making that decision. Considering what I was going through and how depressed I was it was only a reasonable choice.
> 
> Since I stopped attending college I was able to receive treatment and was placed on medication. The therapy helped a lot. Talking to my counselor was difficult at first but eventually I was able to confide in her. I cried and we laughed together and she was really supportive. Therapy helped me realize many things that hurt me, the damaging relationships I had, and made me self aware. I broke complete contact with my ex who only added darkness to my life. I began to believe her words that I was beautiful (I also happen to suffer from low low self esteem).
> 
> Around that time I also got a job... as a sales associate. Though I was extremely anxious the fear of failure and disappointing my manager made me push myself. I played the part of cheerful sales associate as best as I could. It was my first job and I wanted to perform my best. In the end though, I was unhappy. I felt like I was creating a fake me. Soon I left that job and took up another one and I've been employed with the same company over a year now.
> 
> My current job actually requires heavy customer interaction. But for some odd reason I like the company's big size and high customer traffic. I guess it allows for certain anonymity. I talk to coworkers though and still try to converse. Although I've seen many improvements, I still find it hard to strike up conversations. I've become better at managing my anxiety though and I push myself more to get out of my comfort zone.
> 
> To make this a bit shorter, I have improved but I know that there is still more room for improvement. For example, I just recently started going (occasionally) to the employee's lunchroom. I try to maintain a more positive attitude now. And I'm happy to say I'll be going back to school soon.


You've a positive trend. Keep going.


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## swap42

*Self Esteem!*



theuprising said:


> what helped the most was the concept of mindsets and the idea that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts come at you but only have an emotional impact if you buy into the reality of them, and when I'm feeling really down in the dumps I just recognize that I have a sh1tty mindset and change it to a more self serving one.





RubyTuesday said:


> Shame and judgements about having this "disorder" perpetuate it. I believe that shame will keep a person locked in this same lonely and painful experience.


THIS. I've had social anxiety ever since I can remember, dealing with irrational amounts of fear and shame around it. People used to think I was stuck up and cold because I was so afraid to acknowledge them. I ate lunch in the bathroom to avoid having to meet new people, etc. etc., you get the idea.

I started seeing a therapist after my parents' divorce, and she called attention to my self-judgements. What triggered my anxiety were thoughts like, "What's wrong with you? Be more like that outgoing person. Look, you're failing again. Look, they hate you, of course they don't want to talk to you. What you have to say is stupid." Of course, when I had thoughts like this, I acted strange outwardly. People can sense when someone they're talking to is uncomfortable, and they can't help but reflect it back. My therapist put it this way: would you want to have a conversation with someone who didn't respond, who didn't contribute, who made you do all the work?

This made me realize that people didn't want to talk to me NOT because of who I am, but because of the way I acted. This is huge, because it means there is nothing wrong with me as a person. In fact, in the few times I could be relaxed and open with people, they ended up liking me.

Self-judgement is the root of all the fear and anger I felt. And it really had nothing to do with reality. When I trained myself to actually LIKE the fact that I was shy, to accept it and be proud of it, my anxiety grew weaker and weaker. Shyness is a part of who I am, and I'm proud of that. While I'm still quiet, it's not because I'm afraid of talking. It's because I'm thoughtful about what I say. When I notice the judgmental thoughts, I catch myself and say, "No. That's not true. You're quiet, and that's okay. That person doesn't hate you. Just relax."

And I found that when you don't feed that nasty little voice in your head by believing it... it starts to get weaker. It will always be there, but now I'm not ruled by it. I can just notice it, and laugh at how irrational it is. Because I know there's nothing wrong with me, and even if I mess something up, I'm okay.

Since then I've traveled by myself to Southeast Asia, Central America and Africa, have put myself in a work situation where I constantly have to deal with people, and I'm learning the work it takes to maintain friendships. I still need a lot of time to myself, and that's totally fine. But I no longer feel guilty about it.

For me, self esteem was the problem. As soon as I started working on accepting myself and all my faults, my problems with anxiety melted away.


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## ImmortalxApathy

Well, things are looking up. Though still very shy and nervous of the world, I have a job interview for a CNA position for in-home care. I have just graduated nursing this summer and received my CNA certificate. I am really proud of myself for going through it. I never thought I'd be able to! A deep learning experience and pretty rewarding. I still lack so much confidence though in my CNA healthcare field. I have only begun to learn the basics in the class, and have a lot to learn in general. But, overall, I did get some interests in my resume from some people. So, got an interview for a job this week. :um Pretty scary and I'm nervous. 
I also took initiative and called on the telephone this week to do some business. I usually get my family or husband to do it. lol


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## cybernaut

Senior year. All upper-level university classes.

Two of the classes= all students leading a daily class lesson+ class discussion being worth 25% of my grade for both clased. Participation>Written Exams &Lecture

No way out. Need them all to graduate by May.

Welcome to 'pre-graduate school' life, I guess.

*Time to pull out the old and rusty SA books.*


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## dharana

After months of panic attacks before social situations and as a result a great deal of social isolation, depression, and loneliness, yesterday I spent all day at a training course for a volunteer gig that seems like it's going to be awesome, and made a potential new friend who came over for tea after and who I felt really comfortable around. Hooray!


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## AtomHeartBrother

Things are changing... for the positive... I think? My life is becoming busy and i dont have time to think about being a loser. It still isnt busy enough but I have many people texting me and am making new friends... I only hope that I can maintain this.


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## laxgirl008

*I forgot about SAS!*

Without intending to offend anyone within this community... Today I accidently stumbled upon a social anxiety group forum online and realized that I had completely forgotten about Social Anxiety Support - and I was delighted! Though I was never one to come here too often, I feel like forgetting it existed is an example of how far I've come with social anxiety.

For quite some time I struggled with anxiety and depression. I saw a few therapists, I took a couple of different medications. In many respects I was lucky and well - I was able to get myself to school and do well, I went away to college, I maintained steady employment. But I was definitely unhappy, definitely struggling.

I think things finally began to change a couple years ago. I was on medication at the time (though I feel like it wasn't doing much good) and started seeing this new therapist. My intentions were different, though, by this time. It was getting to the point where enough was enough. In the beginning I did as I always did, I slapped a smile on my face and acted like everything was cool when I felt like I was going crazy inside. But that doesn't work for that long; after a bit it becomes clear that, really, no progress is being made. Funny, it seems a bit ironic, but reflecting on it I feel like the choice I finally made that set in motion some real changes was this - I didn't do anything! To be more clear, mostly when I was with a therapist and things weren't working (because I was still acting in the same old patterns) I would just leave. As in, no discussion, just leave a message on the office answering machine saying that I wasn't coming back anymore. But this time I stayed. It wasn't working and no progress was being made but I stayed.

It's hard to try and explain why I feel like that was a significant thing or how that may have led to actual change. It seems a bit paradoxical. I feel like I was forced into seeing how I was contributing to my own suffering. Not in a self-shaming sort of way. But just to sit and stay and sort of watch the results of my own unwillingness to participate in the process...It was painful in such a way that it forced me to finally try to do something different. Maybe it had to do with the therapist, maybe it had to do with timing, I don't really know. But I do feel like a turning point.

That was about two years ago or so and I am still seeing that same therapist. However, quite a bit of actual work has been taken place since then. I am no longer on medication. I exercise regularly (it's cheap and, in my opinion, more helpful than any drugs I ever took) and do my best to eat well. I limit my caffeine and alcohol intake. I (try to) limit my sugar intake. I meditate. I push myself to engage socially with others whenever the opportunity presents itself. I am taking classes in graduate school and am actually a TA for one of the professors there (twice a week I get up in front of a group of about 15 people and talk...for like an hour!) Though there's been no official conversation about ending things the idea of leaving therapy is not such a crazy idea anymore.

Being well, to me, is not being perfect. I think I still have to remind myself of that one. There are things I continue to struggle with. I am a person prone to anxiety and depression, I'm pretty well aware of that. But the thing I love now is that's sort of where it stops. Everyone has their challenges and these are mine. Social anxiety is not so much this big thing it once was, I don't feel myself as taken over by a disorder, by a label. It's just another bad habit, another difficulty the way pressing snooze 6 times each morning is a bad habit or trying new foods is a difficulty. It's just something to work on.

Full disclosure: I am saying this on a day where things are feeling pretty decent. I know other days I don't feel as chipper and grateful. I don't want to pretend that life is perfectly easy now and nothing is uncomfortable or even painful. It can be. But that's more acceptable now that it has ever been in my life. Things truly feel like a work in progress.

I would have never guessed it years ago but it's nice to believe that change is possible. Difficult, sure, but also incredibly possible.

Best of luck to you all


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## heretohelp123

Hello everyone.

Just feel compelled to share my story as this community has provided me with much support and insight in tackling s.a. I apolagise for the rant but feel it necessary to explain my own situation and how I ended up with s.a.d. and more importantly how I overcame it.
Back in my school days I was very academic bright and relatively confident. Socially speaking I was always popular and communicated effectively.

However the biggest mistake of my life was just after I had finished college and had a gap year before university. Cut a long story short I became severely addicted to cannabis. Using everyday and at high quantities. My confidence quickly gave way to extreme paranoia. Became extremely self conscious around people. This got to a point where I did not leave my house for over three years. No exaggeration. The only time I managed this was when I was drunk. Literally would walk into lectures out of my face. Dropped out of uni. Tried to go to another uni and same thing happened. Would always end up back smoking cannabis. Lost the majority of my friends and the depression was now literally killing me. Admitted to hospital after slitting my wrists. 
Many failed treatments. I have been on every anti depressant under the Sun, councilling c.b.t practically everything u can think of and had absolutely no success or improvement. 

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. Had nothing to lose and I knew that any change would have to come from me and no drug was going to remedy this. I had lost everything. I was broke. No degree and barely any friends. Couldn't look my own parents in the eye and a rather bleak future in front of me. 

How I overcame s.a.d. 
Within 6 weeks and giving absolutely everything I had my s.a.d has gone. No depression happiest I have ever been. I'm 23 and I run a successful gem trading business, dealing with clients both overseas and in the u.k. earn more then any of my friends and all the people who looked down at me. This is how I did it:

Exercise. If your a drug addict like me then this is the healthiest and most natural way to get the endorphins release. I box to relieve the stress and make sure it's my morning ritual.

Abstinence: no excuses here. Stay away from weed at all costs. Do not drink more then once a week. 

Meditation: vipassana. Seriously, this single factor changed my life. Went on ten day retreat. Please do not think this is easy. Hardest thing I have ever done. However my s.a.d was as a result of racing thoughts and a kind of flight or fight response. Vipassana will cure this or at least help u manage this. Kind of hard to explain this part but it's best thing I could recommend.

C.b.m : anyone with a smart phone please download this app. Play the face game 15 mins a day. Will help a lot with negative thinking.

Diet: have a well balanced diet. 5 a day. Make sure it's nutritious and if you want to lose weight then just reduce portion size none of this no carb crap just leads to hormone imbalances.

Medication/supplements. Absolutely no medication what so ever. Always made me worse. However, and I am extremely apprehensive of all these herbal remedys and claims. But one I have to reccomend is TURMERIC. Cannot emphasise this enough. Again I'm not the kind of placebo patient. This is the only thing that worked. Black pepper mixed with turmeric and made into tea. Alleviated my depression substantially. 

Also omega 3s seem to have had positive impact.

Ok I know everyone is different but I'm telling you now if you follow this you will improve. If like me you have tried everything and to no avail please try the above. One more important point is do not stay isolated. Take everyday at a time but try going library or whatever just to get out there. This is hard. People without s.a.d would never understand this. They empathise with there own moments of shyness and think they can relate to our problems. Really hope I can help here. I've changed my life in 6 weeks. Let me know if you have any questions. Good luck


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## heretohelp123

Sorry one last thing. If you smoke do your best to give up. Must try and remove the coping mechanisms. But was smoking 30 a day and this was hardest part


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## twitchy666

*My honest tack*

rejection & lack of attention or respect from others has driven my attitude to an ascending force of confident rebellion against subjective judgement.

My long term efforts with formal etiquette got me nowhere. I tried so many strategies. Feeling bullied made me fight back.

I started life as an angel. I'm not changing from my current state. I want to change the people who caused my grief. They've caused grief all around by suffering my aggression


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## Uncooperative

I had registered on this forum a couple of years ago and got banned quite quickly for insulting other users and putting some pictures of corpses on my profile. Now I'm confident enough to say that things have changed since then. Well, they changed not that much, people around me probably couldn't tell I changed since they didn't even know how deeply depressed I used to be, but now I'm a more stable person and don't get as depressed as previously. Life is flowing with its ups and downs and I don't worry that much anymore. Now I don't avoid talking whenever I just want to talk and just spit out some thoughts not caring too much what would the person think of me. Though I'm still very shy and socially anxious, that's why I'm here. But still this is my little success story.


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## hdth

Hmm my social anxiety can trace back to middle school I am 20 now it hindered my ability to have friends and the ability to talk to girls was obsolete. It was miserable up to when I joined the marine corps. My first week in boot camp was the roughest, most miserable experience in my life. My social skills sucked and boot camp was hard. Through exposure therapy and the brotherhood my sa had transformed into something better. Last night I had sex and had to actually say no to another girl who wanted to have breakfast. In the first time in my life I'm actually the one saying no to the opposite gender. My social anxiety is no where near to obsolete but it is 100x better than before and even getting better.


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## CatThatWalkedByHimself

Remember, you can decide to change your life for the better. Social skills can be learned, you just need to practice them.

Anywhoo, here is a pic of grading sheet for my Public Speaking Persuasive Policy Speech. It was on ineffectiveness of Assault Weapon Ban. The teacher is actually liberal, who ran some democratic senatorial campaigns.


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## Iwannabemyself

Well done! you deserve to be treated well Actually, I am shy around cute guys too. So you are not alone



mevsme said:


> Hey guys.
> I've been really shy all of my life and thought it was just part of my personality. I became sick of being so shy and not doing what I wanted and thought, "Why can't I do this?" I used to have very low self-esteem. I thought if what I wanted didn't come to me than I would never get it. I hated letting people walk all over me but didn't want to say no because I didn't want to start an argument. But then I thought, "Well if I say no and they get angry at me, than they're stupid and our relationship isn't worth it." People look down at you for not stepping up. They take advantage of kindness and I'm sick of making all the sacrifices. I've become more confident and proud of myself. I take more care in my looks and wear much nicer clothes than I used to. I know that other people are wrong sometimes and I can't let their negativity stop me from getting what I want. I know who I am, and that's all that matters.
> I try to be very friendly towards people but if they disrespect me or I don't like them then I won't. People get what they deserve.
> Of course I still have battles with insecurities so I don't think I'm quite where I would like to be at when it comes to self esteem. I struggle with acne and weight issues that keep my confidence low. But that's gonna change.  It will take time but with effort I know I can do it. I take extra care for my skin, diet, and exercise.
> I'm still really shy when it comes to cute boys though, haha. And I'm still a quiet person, that's part of my personality and won't change. I'm just not energetic and outgoing. But I've grown a lot and I can talk to people if I really want to. I can voice my opinion and not feel like I'm wrong.
> Battling with social anxiety has helped me with other things. I can do what I want without holding myself back. I feel like it's worth to at least try.


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## olesilentone

Had first serious job interview the other day. It went okay I think. I messed it up a bit admittedly, got quite nervous, but I am over it and moving on without too much thought. Kind of nice.


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## jetsetman

*Conquering it - one day at a time*

I just wanted to post something positive here.

I have always been bit of a nervous nelly. Stressful situations would frequently cause sweat but i ignored these incidents and chose to look forward. However, socially, I was a B+. I am pretty confident. I am gregarious.

But in the last six months, my personal life circumstances changed. For some reason, I became awkward and uncomfortable wherever I went. And the smallest bit of conversation, whether with the lady at Starbucks or with someone who used to work for me - became a reason to start sweating uncontrollably.

It was embarrassing. And i became depressed. I started avoiding people. All the time.

Then i went and got help. I was prescribed Celexa. I took it. In barely three weeks, things have changed. I feel like I am back to my old self.

Today, I had a conversation with some family friends. Talking to them a few weeks back would have caused sweating. But today, I was confident and felt like I was back to my normal self.

Its a chemical reaction. That's all there it is to it. Some day, I have to wean off Celexa. But for now, I look forward to life with renewed vigor and happiness.


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## 13connerb

Anti-depressants are pretty stupid. if a doc really wanted your anxiety to go away and increase your ability to engage he/she would prescribe adderall/vyvanse along with beta blockers. problem solved


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## SummerRae

Was forced to socialise after a year of isolation and only leaving the house about ten times or less in one year. I'm a mess... but I had to change, no choice. It's almost been a year since I was forced to change.


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## someonewasere

swap42 said:


> Since then I've traveled by myself to Southeast Asia, Central America and Africa, have put myself in a work situation where I constantly have to deal with people, and I'm learning the work it takes to maintain friendships. I still need a lot of time to myself, and that's totally fine. But I no longer feel guilty about it.


That was really inspirational. I love travelling but travelling by myself (and having to meet new people all the time) definitely freaks me out a little, so well done!


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## glittervjj

I'm 17 teen and i've had sad for as long as I remember. I'm pretty positive about it and I keep going but it stops me from doing so many things and living a normal life. Walking out of my house is a challenge everyday. I really want help with it but I can't seem to be able to pick up the phone. I'm not alone I have friends who also have the same disorder so I can easily talk about it and not feel too different. The only thing i'm focusing on is making it go away but without professional help I feel it never will. It's like no matter what, i'm always at the same spot and i'm sick of not being able to breathe or look where I want and be comfortable. It's very hard for me to make new friendships or relationships with boys and I feel like my teenage years are slipping by and all I've accomplished is being stressed and avoiding everything I can. I'm an extroverted person which sounds crazy but I am and this only makes having sad 10× worse because I can't be who i really am. I feel lonely and as if every person I meet or even looks my way automatically hates my guts. I don't like feeling this way. I'm thinking that I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life because I have so many dreams that sad is going to block me from accomplishing. I guess i'm not getting help because I feel it's useless as if it's never going to go away and if it's starts going away, it will come back or never be 100% gone. I'm sick of it and that's my story


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## Aspalas

Just some background info, I used to be a social guy and considered my social skills (like giving presentations) a major positive trait of mine. I lost all of this about half a year ago, including _all_ my confidence when I had some panic attacks in regular college meetings and classes and at a birthday. 

I've been struggeling with it for a couple of months now, basically the things I can't/couldn't do are giving a presentation, speaking in a group (especially if we have to take turns speaking, when introducing ourselves in a new group for instance) and somehow drinking out of a glass when having (for instance) dinner with people I do or do not know. 

So I think I've made some major steps. When I first had the panic attacks I went straight to my doctor and gave my school a heads up which was hard enough. Sadly it had some negative consequences for my studies, I'm trying to straighten that out now because I missed half a course, but that's not the point now . 

I can function in a group again. It's not easy, but I can finally do it again without almost pissing my pants. The past few weeks I had 2 courses, one with people I'm familliar with, one with people I'm not that familliar with, and I managed to speak, contribute and present things pretty well, feeling comfortable. I do take certain precautions, like sitting on the spot that will be picked first if we have to talk about our progress in a project for instance, or if we have to introduce ourselves. The largest trigger for me is waiting till it's my turn, so I'd rather be the first one so I don't have to wait. My next goal is to beat this trigger, because it's very annoying. I must say I'm still pretty scared that I won't manage to cope with it in the future, every morning I'm stressed to go to school, but at least I'm not planning on evading any tough situations anymore because it always turns out fine. 

I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm finally taking some pretty big steps and getting positive experiences that I can use as a foundation to cope with it even better. These past few weeks are the first time I've seen some light at the end of the tunnel since this started, so I'm super happy.


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## Astronomer

:lurk I was in Year 6 when I first experienced bullying. I was called names because of how quiet I was. I was quiet because of them, the bullies themselves. It frustrates me so much that they don't understand that different people will react differently to these things.

Right. Off to my first secondary school. Everything went downhill because of all this. I was bullied.. physically, verbally, and on top of that, cyber bullied too. And I couldn't tell a soul because I was so afraid of everything and so fragile. 
I was split up from all of my friends and I was so so so lonely. I asked to move tutor 6 times and all 5 times rejected, when finally for that 6th time they accepted. I WAS FINALLY ALLOWED TO MOVE CLASS! 
It was much worse than I thought. Only 2 of my friends, that I was not even that close too were in that tutor. I didn't know this then.. but why need friends when you can do better on your own?

That school was terrible.. so I left. I went off to my second secondary school.
It was a bad idea. Probably worse than my previous school. Yet again, I was bullied.. physically, verbally. I felt so unsafe in my classrooms. The teacher couldn't control the class, the headteacher ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS had to check in on my year in the classes. They were all horrible. And I also moved to that school because my best friend went there.. but she ENJOYS it there? I don't understand. How. Just how.

So I left that school too. I was so fed up of all the crap I was receiving from other people, and I didn't even know WHY they despised me so much? People were so so unbelievable aghast toward me. One time I was sat at my locker sorting out my stuff and I got kicked, purposely, in the head by some kid that I didn't even know. I shouted at him and I told a teacher but they did nothing. They completely ignored the situation. 
So I did part-time, you could call it. Hiding in the toilets or in the empty teacher's office during lessons. I didn't care anymore. All of this had strongly triggered my depression.
I was so thankful with one understanding teacher, on the day she was leaving I asked if I could drop P.E as a subject as it didn't matter to me (this was a massive lie.. I love sport, but I wanted to avoid being punched in the stomach every time. Yes, on purpose. The teacher always saw and did nothing). And she did, one teacher came to her senses, what an absolute miracle! 

But that still wasn't enough. So I left the school and became home-schooled, all I've ever wanted to be for the past 2 or 3 years.
I am currently home-schooled now, and I am enjoying it far better than anything, I can learn what I want when I want with just me, mum and my younger brother (who also became home-schooled because of bullying at the same school I went to).

We moved house, I'm spending less time on the computer and finding new talents such as keyboard-playing (I am learning how to play Clocks by Coldplay :clap I'm getting there) I'm getting pretty good at drawing, I read more, play with my puppy and my cat, relax and talk to the fish, watch my hamster in his ball... all the things I had hardly done beforehand. 

I am still changing as I grow.. heading towards the job I most desire. Becoming more confident with myself, I can say to myself "No more abuse, bullying, suffering, and being so afraid,"
I have changed with my confidence, which is my main thing. I am hoping to change the ways I think, so I don't think about negative things anymore. 

I have achieved goals I am proud of.. such as going shopping and talking to people.. paying for something at the till without being so afraid of being criticized for how I do things, without being so afraid of being kicked in the head by some random person. Yet I am still making these little changes, and the more changes you make the bigger they become.

And that, is how I have changed. Still conquering those tiny things, but no matter how small they are, at least I am proud of doing things at my own pace. It's gonna take a while, but it'll be worth it. :rub


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## Fangirl96

One major step for me was when i got contact lenses 2 years ago. It might sound silly, but for me it was unthinkable for years. I suffered for years because of my bad eyesight, which made my anxiety much worse. But i refused to wear glasses because of my bad self esteem. I'm terrified of anything with "doctors" so going to an optician scared me. And obviously, putting plastic stuff on your eyeball didn't sound very tempting.

But one day i just had enough. I was so tired of walking around in a blurry world. I don't know how i got the courage, but i did and i got contacts. I had many failures on the way, but it worked out in the end. I still find the whole contacts thing weird as hell, but it reduced so much anxiety. That was a big step for me and i'm so proud that i did that.


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## Stilla

I'm not over SA or depression so this is more of a friendly reminder to myself that despite not being were I want to be in life I have been making a lot of progress.

Things that has helped:

Moving - didn't make SA magically disappear, but it made it possible to put myself in the situations that I feared which I think is key. If you keep avoiding the things you fear nothing will change. 
Reading success stories - reading about people who had been in similar situations that had made progress or completely overcome SA and sharing exactly what they've done to overcome it has helped a lot. Even though no journey is the exactly the same it gives you guidelines on things that might help. 
Seeing a doctor and starting antidepressants - wasn't a cure but it took some edge off of the worst thoughts. When people say reaching out to someone professional and taking the first step for treatment made them feel better they ain't lying, it helped a lot more than expected. 
Staying away from negativity as much as possible - negative people, negative threads etc. 
 Exposure - For me it mainly came down to signing up for things that I normally would _avoid_ doing because I didn't have to. In my case - courses and lectures I didn't need to go to. Still trying to work myself up to being social in other situations but it's a first step.
Keeping a journal of things that I've accomplished during the day, the main point wasn't that these accomplishments were BIG, but that they made me uncomfortable doing them. So if I answered texts that I didn't want to, did the dishes, or said hi to someone new I'd write it down. I think a lot of us here focus a lot on the things we don't accomplish so being able to flicker through a book with things you actually have done is satisfying while putting that lie to the test. It is also interesting reading through the lists and being like "Huh I don't remember that this made me uncomfortable" because you faced that fear and it's no longer there. 
 Exercise - when I work out to the point of being sweaty (doesn't work otherwise : p)my mind feels a lot calmer that day. 
 CBT - Been doing CBT on and off through all of this and it does help if you put the effort in which unfortunately can be easier said than done. 

These are the things that I can come up with now but I might add more things later. <3


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## USAS

13connerb said:


> Anti-depressants are pretty stupid. if a doc really wanted your anxiety to go away and increase your ability to engage he/she would prescribe adderall/vyvanse along with beta blockers. problem solved


bet blockers can help with the body's sympathetic response to anxiety. Adderall and Vyvanse for anxiety? what? That's for ADHD. Some people can also become anxious from the Adderall itself. If you or someone you know were prescribed Adderall or Vyvanse that may be tailored to your specific needs. It's not first line treatment for anxiety


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## Rickets

Maybe not a big deal to most, but didn't get back down today by a stranger who tried to intimidate me.

I was standing on the train platform kind near the edge when this guy who was pacing up and down the platform was walking toward me. He had been giving other people dirty looks the whole time. I soon realised he was going to walk in-between me and the edge and there was barely any room for him to, but he kept coming, so he clearly expected me to move, or he was itching for a confrontation. I'm texting someone and so he walks past, slightly knocking my hand. Normally before or at this point I would take a step back so somebody could pass but something made me not flinch this time. 

So he turns and starts to come back the other way. So I look up and just give him a death stare, right into his eyes, the coldest I could, preparing for another close exchange. But there was none. He looked away quickly, went and walked way behind me and stayed up the middle of the platform and never came back. His body language completely changed from domineering to submissive all because I didn't get intimidated and hit him with eye contact to let him know I wasn't taking his ****. 

This guy was pacing up and down the whole time, expecting everyone to move out of his way, but stopped after his little interaction with me. 

Proud of myself, not to get intimidated. Made my day! .


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## DDANDYlion

All throughout my teenage years, things kept happening that made me afraid of people. I quit basketball - a sport I was good at - because I had no friends. My parents were frustrated and didn't understand this decision. I felt very guilty and sad under the weight of their disapproval, and I would often isolate myself from others because I was sad. In high school, I had a group of friends, but over time I became excluded. By the end of my senior year, I only had one friend, and she was very quiet like me. I had a casual job in a supermarket, and my co-workers would often exclude me and drop their voices to a whisper as I would walk past them. I thought things would get better when I had finished high school, and had a fresh start at university, but things just got worse. From years of social struggles, I had no idea how to talk to people to make friends. I barely went to uni because I didn't want to see anyone, and only just passed my classes.

After that year, I realised I needed help because I felt sad a lot of the time and in my journal I would write about wanting to hurt myself and end myself. Thankfully, I never acted upon these desires. I would rarely go out, because on the rare occasions I was invited out, I felt under pressure whenever someone I didn't know well would talk to me. I undertook CBT, which really helped even though my therapist didn't believe I had social anxiety. I think it seemed too circumstantial to be real to him. And it was circumstantial to some extent. A lot of the people I was surrounded by on a regular basis were not nice at all. 

I don't really have social anxiety anymore, though I still have days where I'm upset when I think of how much of my teenage years the disorder ate away from my life. In fact, one of my friends recently looked really shocked when someone suggested to them that I'm a shy person! I used to hate exercising in case someone would see me; I now go jogging in public everyday!

Reading everyone else's stories on here is very inspiring.


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## SapphicDysphoria

Well, it's 5 in the morning here, so I'm not going to delve into incredible detail, but I'm really proud of the progress I've made since creating an account on this site. When I signed up, I was extremely depressed. I'd recently run into some problems with my LDR girlfriend and the two of us were talking far less than usual, causing me to recognize my own solitude, having moved across the country a year ago and not made any genuine friendships. I applied for a job at the end of July, partially because sitting at home alone all day would slowly drive me insane, and partially because my social skills were apparently lacking. Finally, about a week or two after making an account on SAS, I was contacted for a seasonal job. While the job only lasted three months, I can honestly say that it was the most valuable experience I've ever had, as well as the most challenging, due to the interpersonal skills it required. 

One of my biggest hopes for the past year, being a senior in High School, was to be able to make genuine friendships and actively participate in student life instead of remaining an invisible bystander. 
While my Pop-Tart lunches in the library would indicate that I failed miserably, I somehow managed to make two close underclassmen friends and, more importantly, learned how to be happy and comfortable with being alone, instead of feeling regretful, as though I were constantly missing out on something by not being surrounded by other people. 

As a soon-to-be college student, I've already begun taking my first steps to get involved in the community by applying for fellowship programs, and I intend to participate in as many clubs and organizations as I can handle. This forum has taught me the value of taking risks and stepping outside my comfort zone, and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I did when I switched High Schools in my move two years ago. I'm far from being the person that I want to be, but I feel like I've made some steps in the right direction.


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## cybernaut

Grad school and moving alone 16 hours way from family has done a lot of sh-t for me.

This month:
-Went out to a night house party sponsored by one of my classmates
-Visiting US government landmarks (embassies, historical places) and speeches by government employees
-Calling various numbers to set up my utilities (cable,water,apartment management offices) 
-Calling doctors to register myself as a new patient
-Chatting to random people during my graduate school orientation
-Speaking up in all of my classes at least 1-2 times/day
-Communication with my advisers from my grad school about what I intend to do with my life careerwise

So basically calling for any form of service, going to events every weekend, and networking have forced me to talk more.I'm also going overseas in Spring and Summer 2016, so we'll see that works out too.


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## yeswedreamaboutyoufloyd

After I moved from a school to another *[January 2009, I was 15]*, I had my mental breakdown. It was hell. I had panic attacks, extreme anxiety and no desire of being seen in public. I was afraid of moving to another school. I didn't want to lose the few friends I had. I didn't want to be away from an environment that made me feel comfortable. I was uncomfortable with my body and I used to think that because of this situation I'd never make friends anymore. So I guess that all of this made me had my breakdown.

And I'm shy as well. It was really hard for me. I had my breakdown and after that I tried to begin treatment with a psychiatrist a friend of my family's told us about, but she was not able to help me. I also went to therapy a few months while I was being treatment by this psychiatrist, and it didn't work as well.

So I stayed almost one year without doing nothing, just playing games online and being nobody. *[from December 2008 until October 2009]* A few months after doing nothing, I managed to find a really good psychiatrist who really knew what she was doing. *[End of 2009]

*She helped me, and I thank her every single day of my life for making me a better guy. I used to take two different pills, but I can't remember the names now. I began to feel better after one year of treatment, I mean, getting my confidence again, stopped thinking bad things that only made me feel like crap, etc, etc.

So after that, I began working with my father *[October 2010]* and get my life back on track, like finishing high school through an adult education program. Here in Brazil we call it "supletivo". From month to month I used to go to my psychiatrist to share what I've being feeling. Standard procedure. 3 years and some months later with me being treated, I stopped with the pills. *[Beginning of 2014]*

I've being almost 2 years without taking anything, but from time to time I have some breakdowns, which sucks. But I can recover myself really, really fast, and everything returns to normal. I really wanna return to therapy, but saddly I can't afford it. It's too damn expensive.

So I do my best keeping my mind occupied and not thinking about anything that brings me bad memories. That's it, everyone. I probably must be missing a few things, but it's because I can't remember, not because I don't wanna share with you. And sorry for some bad words, english is not my native tongue. Have an awesome weekend everybody.


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## LilSugar

I've lived in the UK for about 12 years now, and I've been slowly 'trained' to apologise for taking up space. I'm a person of colour, I'm a woman over 6 feet tall. I'm fat. I'm 'intimidating' just for existing. So I downplayed myself - hunched shoulders in, slouched slightly, spoke in a simpering high pitched voice and apologised every time someone even so much as looked in my direction. I tower over men here and Brits hate that so I haven't dated since I've been here - perfectly happy to come at me online where no one can see, of course. Fun.

I've been housebound for years with chronic illness, and eventually moved to a very rural area, partly to give my son a better chance at a residential school (the ploy worked) but mostly because I was so sick of being stared at and wanted to be left alone. I leave my house so rarely the locals here think I'm a tourist; I've lived here since 2011, but I never go to the functions here as these middle-class posh folk are also Tories or UKIP voters and their smiling racism isn't something I want to deal with.

I managed to get my driver's license and I've got a car I never use, but I've a mate nearby in Bristol who is in a similar situation, and I've promised to meet up with him for ages now. Always found an excuse - I've known him online, what if I'm a total dumbass in real life and he's appalled?

My mate however is a massive geek (same as me), and so when I found a Bristol geek get-together, I pointed him in their direction and, gods knows how I got the courage, I joined the group on meetups and asked if maybe they could arrange something for week get-togethers as us older folk have kids and caring responsibilities, and weekends are hard. Sure enough, the organisers came back and said they'll try and do something, so I can meet up some new people and also get to see my friend.

There's plenty of time to bottle it of course...but I know geeks and as long as they aren't the kind of men-boys who are threatened by women being as nerdy as they are - not to mention I'm probably twice as old as most of the people there *sigh* - it might be a regular thing. I sure hope I've got the energy and the courage.

So...yeah. I'm making progress. I've been 'updating my wardrobe' for the past year, and all the clothes still have the tags on as I've never worn any of it. Here's hoping.


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## PlayerOffGames

yall already know


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## hellofromthegutter

In February 2014, I had a decent job, I still had pretty bad anxiety, but had to answer calls for a busy auto parts store and dispatch the drivers, I had my own apartment and a fun car. I quit my job because of the anxiety and shortly after had to move back into my dad's apartment. In September 2014, he kicked me out because I couldn't get another job. I had to live in a house where 1 friend and 3 of his friends lived and threw parties all the time. It was so bad it made my already suicidal thoughts take action. I sold my car for junk and bought a hotel room and some weed(weird I know), and I think if I hadn't brought the weed I would've killed myself. I couldn't do it. So I had to go back to the house and tough it out. I lived there for about 3 months on the couch, 5 months on a mattress in the music room, and another 6 months in my own room after one guy moved out. I worked 4 different jobs while there(1at a time), smoked weed constantly(roommate sold it), tried drugs at parties, drank a lot of alcohol, met a lot of weird people and made a small handful of friends. The landlord wouldn't renew the lease because of the graffitti in the garage that was done during parties so I had to move in with another friend who had an extra room in the condo that I now live in. Ive been working a new job making way more money than I used to and I barely have to deal with people. I still come home, hoping to relax after a usual 9 hours hard work, to a bunch of people that my roommate invited , which gets pretty frustrating. I still get anxiety, not as much, but I never have suicidal thoughts anymore. I plan on moving into my own place soon.


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## Kaelern

Aspalas said:


> Just some background info, I used to be a social guy and considered my social skills (like giving presentations) a major positive trait of mine. I lost all of this about half a year ago, including _all_ my confidence when I had some panic attacks in regular college meetings and classes and at a birthday.
> 
> I've been struggeling with it for a couple of months now, basically the things I can't/couldn't do are giving a presentation, speaking in a group (especially if we have to take turns speaking, when introducing ourselves in a new group for instance) and somehow drinking out of a glass when having (for instance) dinner with people I do or do not know.
> 
> So I think I've made some major steps. When I first had the panic attacks I went straight to my doctor and gave my school a heads up which was hard enough. Sadly it had some negative consequences for my studies, I'm trying to straighten that out now because I missed half a course, but that's not the point now .
> 
> I can function in a group again. It's not easy, but I can finally do it again without almost pissing my pants. The past few weeks I had 2 courses, one with people I'm familliar with, one with people I'm not that familliar with, and I managed to speak, contribute and present things pretty well, feeling comfortable. I do take certain precautions, like sitting on the spot that will be picked first if we have to talk about our progress in a project for instance, or if we have to introduce ourselves. The largest trigger for me is waiting till it's my turn, so I'd rather be the first one so I don't have to wait. My next goal is to beat this trigger, because it's very annoying. I must say I'm still pretty scared that I won't manage to cope with it in the future, every morning I'm stressed to go to school, but at least I'm not planning on evading any tough situations anymore because it always turns out fine.
> 
> I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm finally taking some pretty big steps and getting positive experiences that I can use as a foundation to cope with it even better. These past few weeks are the first time I've seen some light at the end of the tunnel since this started, so I'm super happy.


omg I thought I am the only one feeling like that!! I told my psychiatrist the exact same thing. I get super super nervous when waiting for my turn for self introductions and the key is to be the first just like you. That way I immediately stand up and I am bloody confident. But waiting for my turn, my heart rate speeds up and I just crumble by the time its my turn to introduce myself.

If not I would need to just like 'inject' thoughts and try to take a deep breath or either hold my breath to try to slow down my heart rate.


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## stardustyles

mine is huge okay so a year ago I couldn't even walk up the stairs to school without feeling anxious and a month ago I sang with my mariachi at school in front of 300 people and im not a fluent spanish speaker so


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## andretti

Growing up i was really fat my whole life , never talked to anyone or had friends. No confidence and scared of social situations because of that.

after turning 18 decided i was tired of being fat and got addicted to running. That helped my confidence. Then i got a job making decent dough. 40k a year working 25 hours a week with no bills or rent to pay. 
. so my confidence was up. I was skinny , started dressing up. had a 30k shoe and clothes collection. 
i then got a girl. I still had social anxiety. never been the type to go talk to females and introduce myself. scared as hell, still dont know how to do that. Was with her for 5 years then I messed up that relationship cause i got caught cheating a few times. 
. Lost my job got married to a sociopath. That ish killed all my confidence Then i was left with the kids because my ex wife got tired of my social anxiety and my low confidence and left me and the kids for some other dude. So i felt worthless and my anxiety is back. Now no $ , no job , a few kids solo. No confidence , think people are always judging me and here i am. Havent been able to shake my social anxiety cause of all those issues.


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## LOOKNGD

Finally breaking through to living my life after much suffering; really the only way is it starts with complete honesty, the real hunger to not live a lie, working through all of you. I don't want to give away too much but is an individual journey you cannot share with anyone and most can't do it because they can't leave behind being a baby, even a child, and truly mature which requires a person to be alone so much so yes it hurts yet that is the process that leads you to truly living. People have already noticed and I've noticed them notice by them telling me so and they always have but for some reason, I've always thought way beyond just being approved of by the checks. Anyway, it is exciting to keep it to myself because that's really what it is about. Also, I like seeing how I affect people. "WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO HER?" is among the best wonders I've left for people apparently. Yes, we're born into a world that has in all its ability to be truly unique, beautiful and so on yet it is what a waste of so much beauty and talent on destruction and though I've found a person cannot let that kill yourself and lose interest in living your own life all the while doing what you can to help it not be so bad as people I've so often witnessed say yet they have nothing to give to help. Quite the species humans are. Anyway, only the best.


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## DanCan

I took a transmission shop to court yesterday. Last year I had them repair my transmission and they botched it up so bad. So I've been building a case ever since. documenting broken and missing parts. and having other shops inspect the car and write up reports. 
Court was on the 13th the first time. Judge didn't decide. And so we went back yesterday for another day of court. Short of it. I lost. The judge didn't feel I proved that the shop had done anything wrong. Or at least. The evidence I provided wasn't solid enough. But I did it. and twice. spoke in front of a court room full of people. Presented my case. Didn't go as I hoped. And.. believe me. I don't feel like beat anxiety in any way. But... I feel like I didn't let it beat me. ha. It was a draw. And for me. that's something. 
And then I ran up and punched the shop owner in the face at the end of court. And now I'm going to jail. .. no just kidding. that didn't happen.


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## pineapple112

*Confident*

I don't know what changed, but lately I have been feeling so much better. I have been more open with my best friend, and she seems to be happier to be around me. It isn't a surprise to me, though. Of course people like being around happy, confident people versus withdrawn, sad people. And it has given me the confidence and encouragement to continue fighting this. :grin2::yay


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## NoCombovers

*Things are not what they seem*

I could write many pages on how my life was an endless existence of suffering in different ways and which seemed to have no possibility of ending.

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and early onset Dysthymia. I also self-diagnosed Social Anxiety and I thought I might have AvPD too. I often worried, had anxiety, was restless, on edge, bouts of crying, despair, and I was super/insanely sensitive and self-conscious. This was my life for over 35 years, on a gradually worsening degree.

I spent a large part of my adult life alone and mostly, I lived in my head rather than experiencing life for real. I gradually isolated myself more and more and I always sought to hide from the world whenever possible.

At my worst, which was in the last few years, I didn't want to do a single thing. Everything was a chore. I really just wanted to die and be reborn into another life somewhere and start again. No amount of therapy, groups therapy, meds, activities, social exposure tactics and book reading made the slightest difference to me. I did consider suicide but reasoned out of it (my suffering would end but I would not be around to enjoy the new suffering-free me).

I was so fed up waiting for the mental health world to come up with a solution for me (and which it had failed repeatedly), so I looked for my own. And I found it.

I discovered that the cause of many so-called mental health illnesses and troubles is not what I was told it was. In fact, there is no such thing as mental illness, mental disorders, syndromes, etc., and also, I came to discover that psychiatry is not based on science.
Suffering for sure is real but there is no underlying biological cause for that suffering. Ergo, there is no mental illness nor is there such a thing as a "chemical imbalance" in the brain.

So why was I suffering? My thoughts. Yes, just thoughts. But thoughts can be made into incredibly powerful things when we believe them and in a nutshell, suffering is belief in thoughts which are not true. That is the cause of any human suffering......and nothing else.

I discovered many truths on my "journey of discovery", such as that much of the human world is defined and controlled by opinions and not facts, as I used to believe was. And furthermore, that opinions when reinforced by compliance is what can make an opinion seem like a fact and a real thing, when it can never be so of course.

I realized that I had given the power for me and my life into the say-so and opinions of other people, whether these were people I knew or the "wider society" and that my trying to "fit in" with what had been deemed to be "normal" and the judgement of others as to whether I was "OK" or not, was part of the cause of my suffering.
But no person's opinion is worth more or less than anyone elses and an opinion can never actually be right or wrong.
And all opinions, I came to realize, have no inherent value or power
Opinions only have power/validity when we give it to them. Otherwise, they are worthless and can evaporate instantly at any moment.

And there are so many things in the mental health world that are just opinions and nothing else, but they are passed off as facts and truths when they are, at best, guesses.

We are not dealing with facts here. Just opinions, ideas and beliefs about life and people. And for those who suffer with what is known as Social Anxiety its opinions by others about what is normal and what isn't and how we measure up to that idea that is big part of the problem. But even "normality" is just an invented idea of how every person should be, from a certain biased viewpoint, and its through this defective idea of normality that all humans are judged.
But humans have enormous variations for many aspects of their being, so why are we all judged on a narrow invented set of criteria and forced into a narrow way of behaving and living?
And why do we all accept these arbitrary opinions and definitions of ourselves from "unqualified men in white coats"?

When I realized all of this and much more, I concluded that;

I am not ill.
I was never ill.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I do not need to change anything.

Ditto for everyone else.

All the mental health world's names for how we suffer are just made up by people with biases and narrow ideas about how everyone should be and live. So people who are deemed outside this invention called normality are judged as "ill" and "defective" and need 'fixing". But none of us are actually broken so we don't need fixing. We are all just being in different ways, many many ways.

I think I know why we are forced into being all the same, because we live in a system that requires us to be alike, for the purposes of production and consumption - glorified cogs in the wheel. The system cannot tolerate differences/variances in people because those differences/variances interfere with the efficiency of the system and so if you can't fit into the system, its "your" problem as the system doesn't care about you, as many millions of cogs are being made each and every day.

So since the Summer of 2015, I have been free of all my suffering. Yes, its all gone and its gone all the time too. Once the suffering left, what remained was what we all seek - happiness, calmness, peace....all the time. Its quite unbelievable how I am now, I must tell you and I would not swap my state of mind today with anything, not even all the wealth in the world.

Something that many people don't know is that we all actually already have happiness, which we have from birth. So we can't "get" it or "find" it and it does not exist external to ourselves. Happiness is what is left once all the suffering is gone. That's it.

I found various resources that helped me reach this state of mind but I would especially like to mention, for those who still suffer, to look up Noah Elkrief on youtube. He has a video on what social anxiety is and how you can end your social anxiety. He has also made many videos on other issues and troubles that are commonly experienced. Noah has been pivotal to my transformation.

I can send anyone links to other articles and info I found helpful.

Other people who helped me by with the knowledge they have shared;

Leo of actualized.org
Eckhart Tolle
Alan Watts
Buddha


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## Wuphf

I write my stories in the forms of blogs on my profile. I write how I overcome my everyday social anxiety amongst other things. If you're interested in my story feel free to read them under the blogs titled Journals .


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## animefreak

Hi, I've been wanting to share my story somewhere on this site. I had social anxiety my entire life, but my treatment only started when I saw a psychiatrist and began meds. Two years later, I want to share my results with everyone. But I'll begin from the start.

Before meds, I dropped out of college because it was too overwhelming. I had no friends. I couldn't go into stores. I barely survived high school and always skipped school. Etc. etc., normal things for people with SA, although I did somehow manage to keep a job.

We found meds that worked for me. I have been taking Paxil with doses on and off ranging from 10 to 40mg, but finally I've stayed at 20mg. I also have Ativan (spelling?) for anxiety but the Paxil works fine for me because I discovered that I really was more so depressed than anything else.

At the start of taking meds, I began to feel happier. I still didn't talk to people or anything so I didn't really know what to do next. I was just happy for some weird reason. But that was good news! Little by little, I eased back into life. I took college classes a little bit. I ran into a friend from high school there and became friends with him. From there on, I started making more friends from school on my own.

By one year I was feeling spectacular. I was going out, attending college full-time, flirting with a few boys, and eventually started dating my current boyfriend I met in my class. I was doing so good, that I needed more of it, or else I felt like I was failing. I put so much pressure on myself to be more social. But you can only go so far, and for me, it wasn't even really that far. So I was disappointed, but I still felt very decent.

I spontaneously stopped taking my meds like a [email protected] because I thought I didn't need them anymore. I regressed really bad. It was a hard time for me, but I went back on meds and everything was fine again. Finally, I got exhausted trying to force myself to be social. It was a nice little fantasy life for a year, but I was the only one really making an effort to have friends and I will always be introverted, so eventually I got sick of it after a while. Now I've calmed down a lot and still have my boyfriend and one friend I see regularly. I'm still happy, and I still feel better about myself overall. Since then, that's how I've been living.

Basically what meds did for me was make me feel better and less intimidating by normal life scenarios, so that if I WANTED to take action (talk to someone, text, etc) I could more easily do so. If I wanted to. But on my part it still takes a lot of mental "effort" that I just don't really have a lot of simply because I'm naturally introverted and like being on my own more often. Go figure. :laugh: Even though being with people can also be a blast!!

Overall, so far so good. I hope things continue to be fine. Sometimes I have my really bad days. I'm still very SHY in many scenarios, but I don't feel like the world is going to crash in on me. Sometimes I think I changed LESS than I actually think, but the whole point is about feeling better. I feel good, and that's good.  Thanks for reading if you read this entire wall!! I hope it inspires you!


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## BatmanDK

*Things can get better*

Hey,

I've just logged in after 5 years away from the SAD forum.
Wow - it sure got busy round here, good to see so many reaching out to each other.

My update is this;

Things do improve..... or our view of it does.
I turned myself around - I realized that there was more to life than socializing (or worrying about not socializing) and that the departure of my wife may be a good thing, rather than focusing on the 15 years spent trying to compromise with someone with different goals.

It was as if a switch was flicked, I changed me. I began not to mind being alone, I made it work for me. The day I stopped worrying about being alone, it all became OK. I was much more relaxed and people wanted to be around me more.

5 years later, I have a much better job, a fantastic girlfriend (Who happens to be a CBT Therapist!) and kids (3 between us), I divorced my ex and bought her out of the house. We got a dog. We go on holiday and for weekends away. We have the same goals/desires/needs and are happy just to be with each other.

I don't have a wide circle of friends, I have a handful of old friends who visit rarely but I can deal with that. I enjoy time alone and enjoy work again.

Life is pretty good.


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## NoCombovers

There is huge variation in people but not only is that variation not allowed to exist in society, it is also labeled negatively and with terms that claim there is some sort of problem with differences. But there is no actual problem. People are simply different in a wide range of ways and if anything, its "the system" that is defective because it is trying to force everyone to behave in a narrow and arbitrary set of ways (and which is commonly known as "normal") and which everyone then tries to comply with because they are led to believe that this is what will lead to them being accepted and that this is what they need to be happy. But it doesn't actually mean that at all. Why people are liked or not liked, accepted and not accepted is multi factorial question and the formula is unknown, much like attraction/chemistry between people is unknown.
Those in white coats and with letters after their name claim to know why we suffer but they don't actually and we should stop giving deference to these people who approach human suffering from a defective basis and who ignore knowledge that has been around for thousands of years and which provides the answers for why we suffer.

Social Anxiety does not really exist (as an illness or disorder etc) and just because some people choose to spend their time differently to others does not mean there is a problem or that there is something wrong with them. Trying to fit yourself into and complying with what you have been told is what you must have in your life and then not finding it working for you, is what causes the suffering that all who have self-identified with SA endure and as I had done for many years.

There is nothing wrong with you or anyone else on this forum. This also goes for all forms of depression, anxiety, bi-polar and many other made-up conditions.


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## Tobi Atkins

*My Story: How I Overcame Social Anxiety*

Hi guys

I would like to share my story of how I overcame my 15 year struggle with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and depression.

I recently wrote a book about my journey and the things i did to get over it.

You can download the kindle version for free on Amazon for the next 2 days. (edit: you need to click on the link that applies to your country)

USA - https://www.amazon.com/How-Overcame-...n_swatch_0&sr=

UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01EXTED56

Canada - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01EXTED56

Australia - https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01EXTED56

(Other countries please search for the book in your amazon store and it should be free.)


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## Momchilo

The key to overcoming social anxiety is creating that belief in yourself. This is actually easier than it sounds. Instead of constantly criticizing yourself and thinking bad of yourself, change the conscious and active thinking to good qualities that you posses and those that you could posses. And this is something that you can actively do. I am not talking about passive thoughts here. For example most of you probably keep saying in their mind "Oh I suck at that, I suck at this, I'm so bad etc.". Change that to the opposite. That's all there is to belief, that voice in your head that keeps negatively criticizing yourself is what creates that lack of belief. It is you actively doing it. It is your own fault. You cannot control emotions or what you passively think. You can however control what you actively think so change that to positive things. Believing is not some kind of mystical emotion. It is your own active voice in your head that says how good you are or can be. Once you stop being so hard on yourself you will realise it is ok to be afraid. It is all right to be embarrassed and many other things. Those are all normal things of life and all people have them, the difference is that you brood on them actively. Your belief will carry you into the unknown, and it will illuminate it. The more unknown you conquer, the less fear you will feel. But it won't matter to you because in the end once you start believing in yourself you will know that no matter how afraid you are or whatever happens in your life it will be okay because you know can handle it.

Anyway, if you have any questions on this or how to think in specific situations feel free to ask.


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## Gondal

A lot


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## Mayathebee

*My Story so far...*

Well up until recently I was agoraphobic. I also have a history of depression and anorexia. What can I say? My former classmates hit hard. But I hit them harder by going to the university of my choice, while they stayed back in my hometown doing nothing with their lives. Now as a university student I have the chance to put my life together piece by piece, by actually trying to communicate with others. It's been a long time since I talked to others except my family, but I did it and it wasn't so tragic as I thought it would be. So hooray?


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## eschuurm

*Creativity, Depression and SA*










(Note: I've posted this on my blog, but I think posting it here would have been more appropriate.)

My creativity has always had a ceiling. In my manic creative phases, all my time, energy and thought is focused on my art. Relationships become almost impediments. Work, an interruption. Eventually, significant problems arise because of this, which shuts down the creative will. Sometimes just until the next work budget materializes. Sometimes it remains asleep a lot longer.

After a two-and-a-half year creative marathon recording my eponymous album, released in 2007, a series of events converged in my life ending my high artistic plateau, plunging me into severe depression. The album never found an audience or generated much income. Big cracks formed in my marriage, putting it in serious peril. The Great Recession hit, bringing about the demise of my company. My best friend died too young at age 52. I suffered anosmia after a concussion. This convergence became my dark tunnel that lasted 7 years.

The Great Recession arrived in 2008, and a personal decline began to feed on itself. With my income dwindling to a trickle, there was no possibility to continue with my music. Anxiety crippled my creative spirit. As my business opportunities dried up, my self-doubt was sensed by potential new clients, sending them elsewhere. I felt like I had somehow wrecked my creative process, been found out as a fraudulent interactive programmer, and invalidated myself as a family member. It made me feel like I had to walk away from being an artist, chuck my old job skill-set, and start from scratch. The things that used to work for me were failing.

I went through the motions of doing everything I did when my interactive business was doing well, but there were no projects materializing. Before, when one project had concluded, I would get on the phone and make calls off my lists, and eventually there would be another one. The projects came to an end, and didn't resume. My calls led nowhere. No one had budgets for content development, and there was nothing on the horizon.

Waking up became torturous. Re-emerging from unconsciousness, I would resume The Endless Loop of:

1.	You are not bringing in money.
2.	Your business*went under.
3.	You have no relevant job skills.
4.	You are in your fifties.
5.	Your marriage is failing.
6.	You have embarrassed yourself and your family with your 'art'.
7.	You have no-one to talk to about these things.
 8.	There is no reason to believe any of this will change any time soon.

I tried to keep myself distracted. Immersing myself in a sports broadcast would provide temporary relief from The Endless Loop. Watching a film as I rode my stationary bike was a pause in the dark pressure. But for every savored lull came a jarring re-emergence into the ever-present swirling dark self-doubt.

Zoloft knocked down the depression at first, but eventually facts on the ground called the shots, and its effectiveness waned. I settled into a routine where any little ebbing of energy would be taken as a welcome opportunity to sleep and escape again. I had no idea how to productively spend my waking time. I was left with this vast blank black slate to scribble my Endless Loop over and over again in my head.

My wife had a good job in a bank, but it wasn't enough to cover our bills. We went on public aid, with our kids eligible for free lunch cards. I repeatedly had to go to my family asking for help with the shortfall. It was embarrassing to be so reliant on others, but I had absolutely no visible route out of the awful maze I was trapped in. The thought that I would always be dependent on others, no longer employable, from my early fifties on thru my old age made me wish for an early death. The idea of being utter dead weight for decades longer was intolerable. The darkness that started in 2008 went on and on with no signs that an exit from it was possible.

By early 2013, my un-employment benefits were long gone. I found a brochure for a training facility that taught CNC machining in some of my paperwork from the state. I called the un-employment office and spoke with a counselor, who thought that it was a good idea to check into computerized manufacturing, where there were jobs, because of my computer skills. With the smallest creative spark, I visualized a way out. My family helped me with tuition, and I signed up. Starting in the fall of 2013, through early 2015, I sailed through the courses, all the while wondering how a guy my age was going to adjust to a new career working a manufacturing job on a factory floor. An instructor told me about a 3D modeling program called Solidworks used in engineering offices. This was more what I had in mind when I thought about computerized manufacturing. I realized that I was more CAD than CAM. I bought a student version of Solidworks and studied online tutorials and lessons from June, 2014 until April, 2015 when I tested and got my certification. By June of 2015, I had a job as a mechanical drafter in an engineering office in Schaumburg, IL, and the fever finally broke.

Almost immediately the dark place I was trapped in ended. My life finally, blessedly resumed a normal rhythm. A healthy, mildly dull but soothing beat of normalcy has come to sustain me again. I am grateful every day to be able to go to a job that I enjoy. Wounds in my marriage have faded. We are still together as a family. My children are healthy and doing well in school. The door of the long, black tunnel is behind me in the distance and closed now. Life has resumed.

Eric Schuurman


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## Judi

Hello! It's been a long time since I've posted. So many memories here, good and bad. 

I'll write a brief summary of my experience with social anxiety. 

During my time at uni my SA during my early twenties was so bad I could not maintain eye contact with people, I had only one friend, went to extreme lengths to avoid meeting people and saying an awkward hello, I had low retention of memory and failed multiple units of University. I found this website and met a few people from here and thought... 'hey! I'm not alone' and you know what.. it was good for a time. Thinking that others also felt the same anxiety meant that I was 'normal' in a small sector of society and I didn't need to fit in. I already fit in within that small community. It was an excuse to remain stagnant despite the misery. 

Then I realised the one thing people had in common here, they are too self absorbed with their own problems to listen to others. I was no different. When despair was greatest it's easy to push people away without realising. It's easy to cut contact with potential friends when each person has their own problems to deal with. It's hard to connect when you feel no one understands. 

I had spent maybe a year or two on this website and have no friends to show for it. Meanwhile I was drained from university and being around people I don't connect with. Somehow I came across a breaking point where I thought.. **** it, I don't care anymore. I don't care what people think of me.
It might seem like an easy thought but to truly believe in it is something else. Once I stopped caring I didn't feel anxious.. I didn't feel anything, I just existed and felt no need to make friends. 

I started playing games and specifically MMOs, and had fun simply playing and meeting people naturally. It was the first time I had connected with people and even though it was entirely behind a screen I enjoyed the feeling of belonging to a community for once. I am still friends with some of them today and met quite a few of them in real life. Being behind a screen helped meeting these people as I enjoyed the interaction, without feeling the anxiety of facing them in real life. 

The next few years after that I started working, nothing too eventful.. it was a job that involved talking to people everyday and only for a few minutes at a time. It was very good practice but since I don't really need to connect with patients it wasn't a huge challenge. Connecting with coworkers was a chore as I wasn't ready to completely open myself up to my past yet (I graduated late due to multiple failures and have a nonexistant real life social network? I wasn't proud of myself) 

Slowly, very slowly, I made a few friends outside of work, not super close.. but enough that I started to feel.. almost normal. Aside from being a massive recluse.

I was still living at home and felt as if I wasn't living to my full potential, many family problems arose. And a year ago I decided to move to the opposite side of the world for two years! This is where things turned around, I met some friends whom I see on a regular basis and we've even travelled together multiple times. I have been to roughly a dozen countries so far since coming here and still counting. Through these new friends I also met some of their friends, people who come and go but that's fine because that's how life goes. I'm not socially anxious anymore but I'm still uncomfortable around new people and find that I'm a massive introvert sometimes, refusing to get to know new people because it's so draining, lol. Logging back into this site now I think back and reflect on how much I've changed, even if it's just a bit at a time, and I'm grateful. I'm still single but I'm happy that I'm able to do all this on my own. Independence is wonderful. 

This post will probaly be buried over time but for anyone wishing to change my main advice will be:
-Stop caring about what others think of you and start caring about them(individually), when you understand others they.. in most cases.. well understand you. If they don't, then don't give up on humanity just give up on them(the individual). 
-Take it one step at a time. And do it repeatedly so it becomes routine. 
-Don't overthink, in fact don't think at all! just do it. 

I hope this helps someone.


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## LackOfNothing

I don't think I was the worst case when reading some of the stories here, but back when I was dealing with SA as far as I was concerned I was the most socially inept person on the planet. I was always told I was quiet, I did have friends but we would always be classed as the nerds, I was bullied a bit, I would spend recess hiding in the toilet in high school sometimes and din't have girlfriends for the longest time.

At some in my twenties I decided I was going to deal with it. I joined a sports club, which was great because you wouldn't have to socialise all the time, you could also just focus on the sport. And I just started doing more and more social things, such as going on a skiing trip in uni, going on a camping trip to a campsite with a lot of young people and it was all pretty painful, but I started have moments of relative 'success'. Then half way through my twenties I decided to try and put an end to my 'problem' once for all. I signed up for a comedy course (where you had to perform in front of crowd), theater, dancing and went out as often as I could. I had a couple of friends I'd go out with, but I'd also go out alone. To really get rid of the anxiety I'd try things like saying ridiculous things to people and purposely try to get people to dislike me just to expose myself to the fear. It all got pretty weird. Anyway after having done that for 3 years I was probably more social than almost anyone.. I was dating a lot of women also. But the thing was; I was still not happy about myself. There were still a couple of people I knew that had even less fear than I did or even more success with the ladies and I actually experienced a couple of very real bouts of depression amidst all of this. Also despite being so social I would still out of nowhere 'regress' into my old socially anxious self. The whole thing was very strange..

At some point I settled down with a girl and got a steady job and stopped all the over the top socialising. I focused more on my job and spirituality. And surely some of my anxiety started coming back again. Like I'd become anxious while talking to the cashier at the supermarket and I would just think "how is this happening?! I've done the scariest things I could think of for three years and this still happens!???".

I would also all the time be working on the social anxiety still in the background. I'd always have some new gimmick in my mind that was going to cure it, but it never would.. I must've come up with hundreds of gimmicks, ranging from positive thinking, to affirmations, to mindfulness, to profound spiritual insights.. and nothing would really help. Like sometimes it would help for a while, but then it would just stop working. One of the gimmicks was also telling myself that there was nothing wrong with myself, but that also never fully worked. 

Lately, after having some time to do nothing.. all of a sudden this feeling that I was actually okay just started coming up out of nowhere. And just this feeling of helplessness; like I had tried everything and I knew already that it would ultimately fail and I just got sick of that idea. The idea of doing all the social exposure things I did, just to be okay, started to seem ridiculous to me. And I started to hear how critical I was of myself.. and it's not like I overcame my problem or something, it's like I just became to lazy to try anymore.. to evaluate myself against my criteria for success. And it's just like everything isn't real anymore. Like I do not know what will come, but it's fine. And here's the thing, I was very relaxed and calm with everyone I spoke to the one day.. even with very senior people at my job that would usually make me nervous.. but the other day I met a bunch of new people and I felt rushed and nervous.. but I didn't care. I just stood there feeling that way and talked to them awkwardly and then left. And I didn't try to fix myself afterwards. I'm fairly sure that next time I see them it'll all auto-correct. 

So like a lot of you here are saying; don't be so hard on yourself; there is no problem, there's nothing wrong with you.. we were all meant to be this way. 

People that helped me on my track were:
- Eckhart Tolle
- Jiddu krishnamurti
- Buddha
- Random people I met along the way


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## liltomato

This is my first time posting anything in this group although I've been silently lurking in the shadows for months now. I am doing so much better I could cry about it. I thought I was going to kill myself, but I am so happy I didn't. I started on Prozac and it has been a lifesaver. I was about to drop out of grad school and quit my job. I was at the lowest point in my life I had ever been. Things aren't 100% better, but I am just so happy not to be where I was and socializing with people again. Reading some of the forums on this site has helped me, but in some ways it also kept me preoccupied with my issue. Thinking about it all the time and going on this site reading the posts trying to figure out a solution for myself was keeping me trapped in a self-pity loop. That's the conclusion I have come to anyway. Something about it was addicting. I feel like I just wanted to get to the bottom of it so bad, but I also found some type of satisfaction in it. I went on this website whenever I was procrastinating my school work. That's actually what I'm doing right now. I'm typing so fast it feels so satisfying to have words to say! That was my worst part. I felt like my brain was empty or that I had brain damage. Depression is one hell of an illness. But anyway, some things I have done that I feel like made me better was of course, the Prozac, but I also have been seeing a counselor. I started taking a multivitamin everyday, along with fish oil and adrenal fatigue supplements. I've started to plan things to do, at first it was hard and painful, but I find more joy in my days and that helps me to actually get out of bed. I started reading books again because I used to like to do that as an adolescent. Something I am still working on is limiting time on my phone. The endless scrolling definitely effects my mood. I'm also still working on trying to wake up early everyday. Not even like 5 am early, just like about 8 am. That helps me feel good when I have time for myself in the morning to watch Youtube and take my time getting ready. I also did mushrooms the other day and I highly recommend trying them if you can because I had so many insights during my trip and felt so connected to the universe. I don't even care if no one sees this. Typing it was satisfying enough! I be typin fast as hell haha. I am debating whether i even want to post this! Hehe who cares none of you will ever know who I am in real life. What does anything matter anyway this is a simulation.


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## Blue Dino

About a few weeks ago, as I was getting gas from a gas station, two teens walk up to me asking for donations to their school's sports program by reciting a script to me they've memorized while they're holding a giant laminated marketing flyer of the sports program. I just tuned them out and decide to just dump all of the loose and spare change I have in my car that I had in a empty starbucks plastic cup as a loose change container. I just handed one of the boys the entire cup. He looked completely surprised and just took it. It must have been probably about $5 or $6 worth of change there. 😅


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## VIncymon

I am aware that I haven't had the *worst* situation, and for that I am greatful. So...here goes.

My SA began kicking in during high school, I'm guessing once childhood innocence faded and I began to worry about what ppl said.
I was bullied a lot. Somehow, my "lack of dating" and "virgin-ness" was very apparent and both the girls and boys used to tease me relentless, I was called 40 yr old virgin, nerd, robo cop, terminator (because I used to walk stiff always afraid that someone was going to hit me)... I have had instances where I sat on the school bus home and the bullies slapped me on the back of my head all the way home and the driver did nothing.

So yea...high school was tough. So I became afraid of ridicule. Deathly afraid. Being bullied by girls as well as boys made me deathly afraid of approaching women.

On my first job I got so nervous that I spilled an entire bag of blood. I thought I was gonna get fired.
One of the older technicians pulled me aside and told me that he had social anxiety too...and explained to me all the embarrassing hiccups he had before he became the man he is today.

That was my first step to greater confidence. Meeting someone out of SAS who was older and lived through it. That was when I knew....that I could live with this. That was when I knew, I didn't have to be a slave to my anxiety. So I applied to university to become a doctor.

When I left for university I made a promise to myself. That in this new environment surrounded by strangers, I would improve myself.

Thankfully I had very understanding roommates. They new nothing of my past. They did not know my bullies or any of the names I was called in school.

So, to my university roommates, all they understood was that I was shy.
So. Some of them taught me to dance. Some of them taught me about dating and how to approach girls. They took me out with them. Eventually I gained some confidence and started talking more in public.

In one instance a girl rejected me in a rather embarrassing way, calling me a loser virgin who will die lonely...in front of a whole classroom.

Luckily my roommates comforted me and told me not to worry about her.

I got a long-term gf in Uni. She turned out to be emotionally abusive ...but oh well...its still an experience that I learned from.

Now I am married.

Sometimes I still get panicky at work. Sometimes I can't hide it. But I still push on.

Life is hard.


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