# Would you date someone with mental health issues?



## Chloe321 (Mar 25, 2013)

I was just wondering what you guys thought. 
Maybe you would get on better because you understand each other or would it just be arguments all the time?


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## Mure (Mar 24, 2013)

I'd try it.


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## Sadok (Mar 9, 2013)

Depends on the mental illness . I'd say we would get on better , because our problems are common and that could only get us closer and closer to each other , everytime we talk about them.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

I'll tell you after I date someone with mental issues.


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## life01 (Feb 20, 2013)

yes i would, if i liked the person


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## hidinginplainsight (Dec 19, 2012)

First you need to define the mental illness as there are a variety and not all are equal.

For example, my brother's wife developed schizophrenia in her early 20's and really stopped being able to relate to people in any serious way. She never recovered and he probably stuck by it longer than he should have. I can't imagine getting into a relationship with someone who had those sorts of mental problems.


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## Chloe321 (Mar 25, 2013)

hidinginplainsight said:


> First you need to define the mental illness as there are a variety and not all are equal.
> 
> For example, my brother's wife developed schizophrenia in her early 20's and really stopped being able to relate to people in any serious way. She never recovered and he probably stuck by it longer than he should have. I can't imagine getting into a relationship with someone who had those sorts of mental problems.


I know somebody who was in the same situation I wouldn't like to be in it either. I mean mental health problems like depression/ anxiety / boarderline personality / bipolar / psychosis.
Being with someone with mental health problems would obviously be hard because of the ups and downs and having to see someone you care about struggle. But you would also know how each other feel and just generally have a better understanding.


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## Nutty (Mar 21, 2013)

I've dated a stage 2 Bipolar and it didn't work out well...


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## hidinginplainsight (Dec 19, 2012)

Chloe321 said:


> I know somebody who was in the same situation I wouldn't like to be in it either. I mean mental health problems like *depression/ anxiety* / boarderline personality / bipolar / psychosis.
> Being with someone with mental health problems would obviously be hard because of the ups and downs and having to see someone you care about struggle. But you would also know how each other feel and just generally have a better understanding.


The ones in bold: sure if the circumstances were right.

The other ones would not work out very well and I would not invest my time into them in that way.


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## O Range (Feb 11, 2013)

My anxiety would probably get in the way of me trying to help and relate. They'd probably get sick of me or whatever.


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## blueidealist26 (Dec 16, 2012)

I'd date someone else with anxiety, but I don't think I'd date someone who is schizophrenic, borderline, or bipolar. Depression, maybe.. depends on how depressed they were and if they worsened my anxiety with their depression.


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## Otherside (Jun 8, 2012)

Hmm, this is coming up a lot lately all over the anx.forums. Yes, I would. I have my own issues, so I can't really judge, I guess...on meds and in treatment, someone with mental health issues can be stable and like anyone else. 

That said, I wouldn't date myself at the momment. I can see how I'd pis off a potential partner with my mental health issues.


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## yourfavestoner (Jan 14, 2010)

Depends on the issue.

*OK*
Depression
Social anxiety
OCD
Bipolar 2

*OUT*
Schizophrenics
Bipolar 1


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Definitely depends on what the mental illness is and how severe it is. Due to my own mental illnesses, I don't do well with "taking care of" others because I just barely manage to keep myself afloat. And I cannot handle hard stressors because it triggers my own horrible symptoms. So if they had a severe mental illness it might affect me negatively. We'd both be sitting in the corner rocking back and forth. That won't help anyone. 

If it's a less severe issue, like depression and anxiety, it could work, and we could relate to each other. But anything more severe than that, I think it would be too much.


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## hopeless93 (Apr 20, 2012)

It depends on what the mental illness was. If it was something similar to mine, then I would date them in a heart beat.


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## Monotony (Mar 11, 2012)

Yep as long as they don't suffer from extroversion that **** is annoying there's so many ****ers with that crap I swear it would kill the average person to shut the **** up for even 10 minutes.


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## Ender (Aug 5, 2012)

Yes I would date anyone I liked and felt like I clicked with regardless of illness unless I was physically afraid of them.


I dated a girl who was diagnosed bipolar a long time ago, she was a great person however she used to hit me sometimes when she got really upset during an argument. It would really piss me off and I worried I might hit her back which I did not want to do, not just because she was a small woman but also because I prefer not to hit people.


Although I don't regret dating her it was hard watching her go through what she went through and being powerless to help her. Tried everything, outpatient, inpatient, electroshock, a bunch of different medications. Eventually she decided to leave this world. No regrets.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I might...if they were more capable and sure of themselves than I am. I have so many of my own problems that I can barely deal with all of somebody else's problems, too...as much as I hate to say it, I'm just not strong enough, I don't have it in me to shoulder someone else's burden. I really need somebody who can help me shoulder mine.

So it depends on what their particular mental issues are. As much as I want to say, sure, I'd give them a chance since I know what it's like and they'd know what it's like, I don't think I could be strong enough to handle that.

There was a user on the forum a while back who was schizophrenic and went off her meds...I could barely handle replying to her rationally in her threads what with all her anger and irrational thinking, and it makes sense, because you really CAN'T reason with a person not in their right mind. I had to keep reminding myself, this is a very sick person and I should not take personally anything she says...but I just didn't have it in me, I grew offended and hurt and had to bow out of her threads. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to deal with that because I know it wasn't her fault (except as far as going off meds)...I just don't have it in me to deal with such stress.







Ditto with, say, borderline behavior, I have many borderline traits myself and if I were with another such person I think we'd drive each other crazy.

Perhaps I could deal well with somebody who _used_ to have mental health issues but overcame them or else has them well under control...that type of person would both understand where I'm coming from and be sympathetic to my suffering, yet would also be able to help boost me up from my own problems.

Ah, Monroee put it better than I could...



Monroee said:


> Definitely depends on what the mental illness is and how severe it is. Due to my own mental illnesses, I don't do well with "taking care of" others because I just barely manage to keep myself afloat. And I cannot handle hard stressors because it triggers my own horrible symptoms. So if they had a severe mental illness it might affect me negatively. We'd both be sitting in the corner rocking back and forth. That won't help anyone.
> 
> If it's a less severe issue, like depression and anxiety, it could work, and we could relate to each other. But anything more severe than that, I think it would be too much.


...though I'm not even sure if I could handle bad depression or anxiety, I know because I've tried befriending such people and I didn't do too well.









ETA:



Ender said:


> Although I don't regret dating her it was hard watching her go through what she went through and being powerless to help her. Tried everything, outpatient, inpatient, electroshock, a bunch of different medications. Eventually she decided to leave this world. No regrets.


This makes me so sad.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

Technically everyone on this site has some form of mental health issues so....


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## NoHeart (May 5, 2012)

Yes unless it was too severe like a pyscho killer.


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## Chloe321 (Mar 25, 2013)

NoHeart said:


> Yes unless it was too severe like a pyscho killer.


They usually hide it well lol

Thanks guys for replying


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## cozynights (Mar 19, 2013)

I have the tendency of wanting to "fix" people I like or just help them, so I think I definitely would.


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## Astraia (Mar 24, 2013)

It would really depend on what kind of mental illness, and if they were actively trying to work on the problems they were having.

I just got out of a long relationship with a guy who had PTSD and for the entire 7 years we were together, he insisted that he didn't need any help, even though the symptoms kept getting worse. It eventually led to me having had enough, and a break up.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

tehuti88 said:


> ...though I'm not even sure if I could handle bad depression or anxiety, I know because I've tried befriending such people and I didn't do too well.


Honestly, I'm not sure I would be able to handle it either. I've never had a friend (in RL) who had any sort of depression or anxiety, so I have no idea what it would be like. I'm no therapist, I wouldn't know how to support or help someone with depression/anxiety. I don't even know how to help myself. I could very easily see our depression just feeding each others and instead of "relating" to one another, we both just fall into the pit.

As much as I want to say that I would want to be with a SO that had issues similar to mine (for the sake of "understanding" one another) - I do really believe that if someone is mentally ill, it's best for them to be surrounded by healthy individuals.


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## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

Depends how they are. If this person has some mild unconventional quirks, sure, nobody's perfect.

If this is a person who is most inclined to use a knife on me or something, then no.


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## DocHalladay (Jan 19, 2013)

well considering 20% of the US population has a diagnosed mental illness (imagine how many millions like me who also have one but go diagnosed) it's likely.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

I'm not interested unless you have mental health issues.


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## huh (Mar 19, 2007)

Yeah, I would. My girlfriend was diagnosed with bipolar II. She ended up doing therapy and taking various meds. She eventually got much better then she dumped me. So that went just peachy XD


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## Alduin (Aug 16, 2014)

Geez I haven't dated a woman without mental health issues since my late teens. I'd have to say that my first serious girlfriend whom I put up with for two long years was by far the most difficult to put up with and she has a clean bill of mental health to this day...


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

yeah.


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## Andras96 (Mar 28, 2014)

Sure, why not?


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Depends on the issue, I suppose. There's probably a great many quirks I'd accept, that would be a dealbreaker for neurotypicals. I'm actually drawn to people who deviate from the norm, out of interest and the feeling that maybe they won't join that dogpile against me.


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## Nessie91 (Jan 5, 2012)

I have borderline personality disorder.. I assume no one would want to date me then lol


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## minimized (Nov 17, 2007)

It's more a question of who the **** in the world would ever date me.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

yes well apart from evil dictators


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## iKenn (Jul 30, 2013)

I'd atleast try.
Kinda depends on the mental illness is.


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## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

The only ones I would avoid are with borderline personallity disorder. I've heard a lot of horror stories about restraining orders and being stabbed.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

George McFly said:


> The only ones I would avoid are with borderline personallity disorder. I've heard a lot of horror stories about restraining orders and being stabbed.


I've heard some really bad **** about Paranoid PD as well.


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## skys (Mar 14, 2014)

This will sound shallow but yes if they were physically attractive.

If I only found out later on I would still pursue the relationship.


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## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

I would prefer to.


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## GarakLee (Jul 31, 2014)

Yeah, I would.


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## Fat Man (Nov 28, 2013)

Sure why not, everyone deserves at least one shot.


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## Hazelg (Aug 9, 2014)

I think it would depend on the mental illness, and weather i can deal with him without affecting my own mental health. Looking from a broader context, I may not have a mental illness, but in my life there are some "risk factors", and, if i were to have a kid, i would like him/her to have 50% of probabilties of inheriting the genes of a partner with a higher count of protective factors than me.

I know for sure that i wouldnt date someone with a history of schizophrenia.


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## TheLoser (Jul 16, 2014)

cooperativeCreature said:


> I would prefer to.


+1, that would made a good match for me.

I always kind of dreaming about getting with a girl that getting so obsessed with me that she would never let me leave (movie style).


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## cooperativeCreature (Sep 6, 2010)

TheLoser said:


> +1, that would made a good match for me.
> 
> I always kind of dreaming about getting with a girl that getting so obsessed with me that she would never let me leave (movie style).


+2

And when you break up with her, she plots to kill you and you end up having to kill her in self defense.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

cooperativeCreature said:


> +2
> 
> And when you break up with her, she plots to kill you and you end up having to kill her in self defense.


....and then it becomes a Lifetime movie.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Anxiety or depression...yeah. BPD or psychosis...probably not.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Yes.


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## Recovering Recluse (Aug 3, 2014)

Nanorell8 said:


> Sure why not, everyone deserves at least one shot.


I don't see that I owe a random person anything.

I would probably avoid anyone prone to violent or dangerous tendencies, who behaves noticeably strange or weird in public, or who was looking to me to rescue them. I want a fairly balanced relationship. This would obviously include some with social anxiety, but not everyone.


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## NicholasLG (Jul 26, 2014)

It probably wouldn't be very healthy but yeah


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## HellCell (Jul 8, 2014)

Too severe and overburdening, no I can't.

If we can find a workaround to it or even a way to embrace it. Possible.


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## wildcherry876 (Feb 6, 2012)

It really depends on the disorder. I definitely wouldn't want to date someone who has severe problems and isn't being treated.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

Depends. Not SAD though, that's for sure.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

"I might...if they were more capable and sure of themselves than I am."

Kinda a little bit hypocritical, don't you think?


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## AmbiValenzia (May 20, 2014)

I would.
I wouldn't date someone who is a bummer like me, tough, if that was the real core of your question.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Depends on what. I wouldn't date someone who thinks that a relationship would cure them and shoulder the burden of their happiness, but I'd date someone who was actively trying to lead a better life. I'd feel safe assuming we'd both get somewhere down the road and could just enjoy each other's company in the meantime.


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## GangsterOfLove (Apr 23, 2013)

If I really liked them I would certainly try. Either it would work out since I have an understanding of the thing as I deal with it myself, or I'd have to end it because of all the crap it could entail and would want someone different from myself.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I really don't know.


I mean, three years ago I dated a woman, lived with, was very, very close to a woman with some pretty serious issues, and she ended up killing herself, in front of me.


I have some pretty serious issues of my own, so I def wouldn't hold that against anyone.


But I don't want to get hurt again. Ya know? I mean, I wouldn't push her away but I'd just be....idk....


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## EmotionlessThug (Oct 4, 2011)

You do realize everybody in this world has mental health issues.


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## peytonfarquar (Feb 8, 2011)

Wouldn't be an automatic relationship killer. Depends on a lot of factors. Simple answer - yes.


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## alienjunkie (Jul 11, 2015)

I'd prefer not to unless we like really click


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## theloneleopard (Jul 5, 2015)

TenYears said:


> I really don't know.
> 
> I mean, three years ago I dated a woman, lived with, was very, very close to a woman with some pretty serious issues, and she ended up killing herself, in front of me.


That is mind-bogglingly awful. I'm so very sorry that you had to witness that.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Depends entirely on the degree. Everyone has certain mental hurdles to overcome, we just don't call all of them illnesses. Yet. The DSM is getting there.


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## saperson (Jun 28, 2015)

I'm so desperate I'd date any girl, even if she has extremely severe mental issues.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Yes, I would...I mean, I hope I shouldn't have to fear for my safety, but yeah.

The key is that the person doesn't define themselves by their illness and let it become the focal point (or excuse) for everything in the relationship.

I'm dating the person, not their illness. I know it'll be a factor and can't be ignored...but if that person is unable to see themselves without being defined by their illness, it could be challenging.


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## givinganonion (Sep 15, 2014)

I've dated someone who had BPD. She didn't show it much to me except that she was kinda quiet, and definitely tense and quiet when we were with other people I knew.

At the time, I hadn't really worked on myself much, and while I cared about her and liked to be around to listen about her troubles, I felt my own conversation was bad, and couldn't do much. She broke up with me after a few months.

Like @KyleInSTL said, I think it'd be okay to be with someone with a mental illness, as long as it didn't dominate their personality.


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

theloneleopard said:


> That is mind-bogglingly awful. I'm so very sorry that you had to witness that.


I'm an insomniac lol. I sleep with the lights on. I woke up before dawn when I found her unconscious, and it was dark in the room, so I can't wake up in a dark room anymore, I freak out if I do.I have PTSD. It's OK tho, I mean it's as OK as it's ever gonna be. I just don't know if I would ever be with someone as sick as myself again. And I get the irony of that statement, I get it. I just. I don't know. lol.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

^ that's horrible, 10.

I date people with mental health issues exclusively. You have to be crazy to date me.


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## theloneleopard (Jul 5, 2015)

TenYears said:


> I'm an insomniac lol. I sleep with the lights on. I woke up before dawn when I found her unconscious, and it was dark in the room, so I can't wake up in a dark room anymore, I freak out if I do.I have PTSD. It's OK tho, I mean it's as OK as it's ever gonna be. I just don't know if I would ever be with someone as sick as myself again. And I get the irony of that statement, I get it. I just. I don't know. lol.


Yikes. I can imagine that you do indeed have PTSD. Sorry to hear that you suffer from insomnia as well.


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## keyboardsmahshfwa (Apr 22, 2014)

Only the neurotic type. 

I know most psychotic people are harmless but...it's risky...


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## theloneleopard (Jul 5, 2015)

As for the question, would I date someone with mental issues myself? It really would depend on the person, the severity of their symptoms and the disorder itself. I used to think that dating someone else with social anxiety would be okay, but now I'm not so sure...


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

I miss her. I think about her all the time. I wish she was still here. I really, really miss her.


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## Vuldoc (Sep 8, 2011)

I think the better question is if anyone would date me with my issues


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## Perspicacious (Jun 28, 2015)

Only if their issues are LESS severe than mine. Heh, that's not happening anyway.


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## theloneleopard (Jul 5, 2015)

TenYears said:


> I miss her. I think about her all the time. I wish she was still here. I really, really miss her.


I'm so sorry, *TenYears*


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Only if they have found ways to cope with it and are making an effort to improve. As selfish as it sounds, I would lose my patience dealing with someone who is mentally ill as I have my own severe problems I need to deal with. I need to work on myself before I take on the challenge of dating someone with similar or even worse problems than me. I don't know many people irl who have mental illnesses anyway and from what I've seen on this site, there are people who are proud to display their SA like a rare trophy that the "normies" aren't worthy of touching. Unattractive.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

i seem to date them almost exclusively


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## NahMean (May 19, 2014)

One of the most difficult things of dating people with mental problems is the challenge of breaking down the walls/barriers. Some of which would put the Great Wall of China to shame. I'm not perfect by any means, but it would depend on to the extent of their "problems." I'm willing to give them a fair shot, but if I'm constantly pushed out and not ever given a chance to connect with the person on an emotional level.....then I'd probably grow tired of the BS and move on.


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## mooncake (Jan 29, 2008)

I would prefer to, to be honest. I don't think I'm cut out to be in a relationship with someone facing _severe_ mental issues, purely because I'm not strong enough in myself to cope with my own **** let alone try to support someone else with that. But problems akin to my own, like anxiety, yes, definitely. I would feel so much more able to open up about my struggles, and I'd hope I could help them do the same with me, and that therefore we could help each other to make progress with it.


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## KittenGoneWild (May 12, 2013)

Well... the guy I love is, last I heard (over 2 months ago), in a psychiatric hospital. His bad habits have not been fun for me, yet I'm still hanging on... probably not my smartest decision.


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## hmnut (Aug 8, 2011)

The only girl I have ever "dated" has serious mental health issues. Having done it I would generally not recommend it.

But the problem was she didn't want to get help, she did a lot of things to "pretend" she was normal, dating me was one of those things. She wanted to ignore the problem rather than fix them. And her problems made her mean and nasty and sometimes violent (not towards me but towards her family).

I'm not strong enough mentally myself to date someone who is mentally sick, especially if they are not seeking help. I can barely care my own mental health baggage, I sure as **** can't carry someone else's.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Yeah, I feel like I get along better w/ people that have or have had mental health problems. I mean, as long as they aren't dangerous.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Absolutely, sure.
It just depends how we'd get along and what kind of connection there was.
I have met quite a few people who had or had had some issue or another. Not the most severe issues, but still issues that had really affected them, and they've been really lovely people, kind and calm and relaxed, which made it really easy for me to feel good around them. There were times when they didn't feel so good, but that's just part of the deal both with friends and relationships, and not something that scares me away.


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

I would prefer it, within reason anyway

Although I do see the appeal of having someone ..more..normal who would be able to push me out of my comfort zone and help me get better, however I don't expect to ever find anyone who would be up for that, I wouldn't like to put them through it either.


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