# Cold approached a girl on holiday



## pancakes online (Jun 24, 2015)

I'm on holiday with my parents in cornwall and I plucked up the courage to approach an Aussie girl! I noticed she was backpacking (something I'm interested in doing) so I went over to her table. It turned out she is here with her bf (I've now got that empty feeling in my heart... sad I know) but I'm glad I did it


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## tronjheim (Oct 21, 2012)

Bet that took _a lot_ of guts! Good for you!

Welcome to the site, by the way!


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## pancakes online (Jun 24, 2015)

Thanks! I almost left it too late because my anxiety is strong but I couldn't bare to miss another opportunity. She was nice about it.

Her bf wasn't there, they were staying locally on his boat.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I don't think approaching girls with guys nearby would be a good idea.


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## Polo1 (Jan 4, 2015)

How did you approach her, or how do you usually approach chicks? How do the conversations go?
Appreciate a reply.
Thanks


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## Surly Wurly (May 9, 2015)

is cold approaching the same as just going up and talking to someone? "being friendly" sounds a lot nicer to me than "cold approaching" :s


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Surly Wurly said:


> is cold approaching the same as just going up and talking to someone? "being friendly" sounds a lot nicer to me than "cold approaching" :s


The "cold" means means basically unsolicited, or someone who's shown no prior interest. It's a term used a lot in sales, as opposed to a "warm" lead or a "hot". So yeah, "cold approach" describes OP's actions.

"Being friendly" is by comparison, very vague to be honest. I'm not sure "Was friendly to a girl today" quite gets the same message across. I've got to congratulate Pancakes because cold approaching takes a lot of guts and actually goes against the social norms. Continue being the leader, not a follower.


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## Surly Wurly (May 9, 2015)

macky said:


> The "cold" means means basically unsolicited, or someone who's shown no prior interest. It's a term used a lot in sales, as opposed to a "warm" lead or a "hot". So yeah, "cold approach" describes OP's actions.
> 
> "Being friendly" is by comparison, very vague to be honest. I'm not sure "Was friendly to a girl today" quite gets the same message across. I've got to congratulate Pancakes because cold approaching takes a lot of guts and actually goes against the social norms. Continue being the leader, not a follower.


what i'm saying is that i very frequently start up conversations with complete strangers in public places. seems like some would consider this "cold approaching", whereas i just consider it making conversation, being friendly.

"cold approaching" sounds like something you'd learn in serial killer 101, if we're just talking about starting a conversation with someone in the same bar as you i believe thats usually called "socialising". which is obviously still a worthwhile achievement for someone with SA, it just doesn't sound quite so forced and cynical as "cold approaching". it really does just sound as if OP was having a chat with them, i don't see a need to use this weird pseudo-psychological language.

heh, i just looked up cold approaching,



> Cold approaches are when you're meeting someone you have no social connection with; unlike with a warm approach, you're meeting a complete and total stranger without even the "friend-of-a-friend" buffer to ease your way. It can be intimidating.


lol im a serial cold approacher and i didnt even know. just last night i cynically made gratuitous conversation with a man in a shop, and then later on with a woman! :0 the woman in particular seemed to appreciate the chat, and almost seemed apologetic when i had to go!


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## macky (Jan 25, 2015)

Surly Wurly said:


> what i'm saying is that i very frequently start up conversations with complete strangers in public places. seems like some would consider this "cold approaching", whereas i just consider it making conversation, being friendly.
> 
> "cold approaching" sounds like something you'd learn in serial killer 101, if we're just talking about starting a conversation with someone in the same bar as you i believe thats usually called "socialising". which is obviously still a worthwhile achievement for someone with SA, it just doesn't sound quite so forced and cynical as "cold approaching". it really does just sound as if OP was having a chat with them, i don't see a need to use this weird pseudo-psychological language.
> 
> ...


I'd imagine the term derives from sales. It's "cold" if no prior interest was shown, "warm" if a person has expressed intrigue/interest, and "hot" if a customer is looking to buy. There's no real

But "Serial Killer"? "weird psychological language"? Isn't that just looking too deeply into a pretty common phrase?

An alternative would be "So today I approached a female stranger without any prior consent from herself". Snappy. The "being friendly" part refers to the conversation: it doesn't mentioned who approached who, whether the girl was inviting or not. The term's just vague.

Yeah, most people just want to keep it simple: "I cold approached a girl". You can't please everyone.

Being social with strangers, from my perspective seems VERY uncommon. Most people just keep themselves to themselves without any common denominator. This is one area where a recovering SA sufferer can exceed the average person. Like yourself so it seems, and hopefully Pancakes will as well. The fact that you see it as normal shows how far you've come.


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## Surly Wurly (May 9, 2015)

macky said:


> I'd imagine the term derives from sales. It's "cold" if no prior interest was shown, "warm" if a person has expressed intrigue/interest, and "hot" if a customer is looking to buy. There's no real
> 
> But "Serial Killer"? "weird psychological language"? Isn't that just looking too deeply into a pretty common phrase?
> 
> ...


ive personally never heard the term used irl, and it just seems like PUA jargon or something. in real life you could hear someone tell an anecdote about "someone i was chatting to in the pub, but never "someone i cold approached in the pub"...just sounds bizarre to me.

but whatever, maybe people do actually use the term, ive just never seen it personally.


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## Mxx1 (Feb 3, 2015)

That's good progress congratz :clap


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