# healing. i really think i'm healing!



## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

i don't usually post in this section. my progress has always felt too esoteric or scary to explain much. suffice it to say that i've spent most of the last two years healing from a lot of trauma during and before that time. :afr i'm sure many of you can relate to the general concept. :hide 

and as i'm sure many of you also understand, so much of my life has been on hold, paralyzed by fear.

slowly but surely i've been doing little things i haven't done in so long. tonight was a big one. i played guitar. i'm extremely shy about it, even in front of my husband, but we set up a little studio area where i can be basically out of earshot while he plays video games. so now i have an outlet, and i mean it that way, a way to let it out.

because so much of anxiety is about taking in -- worrying about others and such.

i call this strengthening process "turning inside out", it's a cleansing, and i hope this courage will continue and maybe someday i'll be playing guitar and singing in front of people and not worrying much what they think. :banana


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## seagreen16 (Sep 24, 2005)

lei,

that's very exciting to hear that things are going well for you. I can relate to your post because I feel like I've been healing for the last couple of years also. Kind of cleansing the old negative parts and learning new ways of doing things. I hope things continue to get better and better for you .


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## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

thank you seagreen, and congratulations to you 

this road certainly hasn't been easy but thank goodness for breakthroughs lke these.

aloha


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## Hannah (Oct 2, 2005)

lei said:


> and as i'm sure many of you also understand, so much of my life has been on hold, paralyzed by fear.
> 
> slowly but surely i've been doing little things i haven't done in so long. tonight was a big one. i played guitar. i'm extremely shy about it, even in front of my husband, but we set up a little studio area where i can be basically out of earshot while he plays video games. so now i have an outlet, and i mean it that way, a way to let it out.
> 
> ...


It sounds like you've made great progress! I know what you mean about needing space to feel safe doing the things you love. I often put aside what I want to do, because I can't handle someone looking on, no matter who it is.

What kind of guitar do you play?


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## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

thanks Hannah! it's nice to be understood and appreciated 

i have a lovely old acoustic (though i rock out on it pretty hard sometimes.) it's a 1949 gibson. a bit scratched up but it sounds lovely.

to all others, unless you also feel a particular resonance and desire to chime in, no need to reply, i'm feeling really well supported at the moment, and just happy to have made it public. besides i may be busy rockin' out 

and when i get tired i'll be back to read more about others' triumphs. i thought i'd never get to this part of the road.

aloha


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## John H (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi Lei

I think that is terrific that after a couple years of slow and steady healing that you are feeling some, it seems, good progress, and that you have posted in the "Triumphs Over Social Anxiety"....Good for You!!!!!

John H


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## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

thanks John H!

it's pretty exciting doing this...living-not-like-a-deer-in-the-headlights thing.

yes, posting here is part of that!

we went to hubby's company holiday party last night. last year i was a wreck, but for much xanax. this year i was more thinking other people were odd than i was feeling that way myself :lol

i'll be back soon. meantime, y'all carry on, i look forward to reading your stories soon 

aloha.


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## StrangerHere (Jul 26, 2005)

I am just starting to get into that cleansing of trauma. I've had a period where I noticed the absence of anxiety. (that has passed. lol) 

But now that anxiety and depression are back, I can really imagine that healing would sneak up on you quietly. And it would be slow. If you're like me you have so much unlearning to do of false beliefs. It took a long time to learn those things as "well" as I have -- it will take time and energy to unlearn them.

btw -- so good to hear you are healing!


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## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

hey Andy,

my experience has been that healing happens in cycles. but this is the first round in which my docs and i approached it from the anxiety angle. some of the lessons are the same as before but the process is different, deeper. and the road still ain't smooth, and patience is key.

thank you for your good wishes. i wish for you that this round of cleansing brings you more relief and other good things.

aloha


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

Glad to see you posting here. 

you play guitar? :mushy hehe


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## lei (Nov 11, 2004)

Mork,

:thanks 

:kiss


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