# How I stopped being forever alone



## Empty7 (May 22, 2013)

*Hi, I saw some posts on this forum acutally many post where people said that they are forever alone and they have no friends*, I used to be a forever alone too but not anymore and I belive I can help you a bit, I may not have always made the right thing or do the right choices but I've managed to stop being a forever alone for good. This has nothing to do with social anxiety even though I had social anxiety at some point but the main point is how to stop being forever alone but I have to tell you that it helps with your well-being and anxiety too, because the more connection with people you have the less you care about connections with certain people and so you are less afraid to screw up so you're less anxious, so here is my story:

*I'm 16 years old and I live in a town and ever since I was a child I was forever alone that rarely went out of the house*, never had any friends only contacts in school. And I have been like this until 2 years ago when I started highscool, things were very linear I would go to school where I would change a word or 2 with 2 or 3 people and then head come where I would play video-games all day long, except when I was doing homeworks. I wasn't either happy or sad about my status and things were like this for years but everything changed when I went to high school.

*I haven't managed to make any friends at highschool so I have became an outcast and I litteraly had nobody to talk to, I became really forever alone*. I don't know if it's the age, the fact that I had nobody to talk to this time or something else but this time I started to care what other people think about me and I felt very bad that I didn't had anyone to talk with, I wanted to move to another town or city for a fresh start but I couldn't. So I knew the only solution is to make friends here because I have no other choice but is hard to start from 0 and I didn't knew how so I started to look online on Q&A sites for answers in order to learn how to go up from this 0 point, but I knew that people either like you or dislike you and I thought that there might be some factors, some criteria and I started looking for it (How beautiful you are, how rich you are, how popular you are, how funny you are, how talkative you are, how many things you have in common).

*And most common advice on the internet was "like go everyday outside and walk, eventually you will find someone you know, talk to him" and so I did*. Everyday 2 hours after school I would go with my bike to the middle of the town and back home, the first few days I haven't find anyone but after a week I meet a general school classmate I talked to him even thought I would barely talk to him in general school, luckly I knew exaclty what subject to talk about because we were both freshmen, I asked him at which high school did he went, how hard is there to the general school, how is the program and the teachers and soon he started to talk more and we had a conversation, it was a good feeling. After that I went home and the next 2 days I couldn't find anyone but then I have found another friend and talked again about school and after that I asked him what is he doing the rest of the day and he said that he mostly stays at home but hangs out at night in the park, I asked him if I can come too and he said yes.

*So at 10M I called him (or he called me I don't remember well) to go to the park, we wen there and there were like about 5 or 6 ex-classmates*. I didn't quite knew them very much even though they were my old classmates so I only said a few world, didn't really talked very much, but I felt good to be with people. The next day I made my daily routine go with my bike to the middle of the town and back home where I didn;t meet anybody and during the night I went to the park there, this time were like 5 or 6 people, this hapeened an year ago so all I remember is that I didn't talked very much and I was afraid people will see me shy, and boring and they will see me like a fool but it didn't happed, it was just a stupid thought. So this time I had some people to hang with at night, I've managed to to get up from 0 to 1, it's wasn't much but it was something.

*Then after I got from 0 to 1 things were more simple, using this "gate" I started to extend*. After a week during one night someone that has a bar came to the park where I used to hang at night and a few of us including me went there to play poker and so I've made another place to go and almost every night I would also go to poker this time. After that I went to antoher park in another place during the night with the people I used to hang out and so in time I've made connections with people, hanging out with them and doing stuff.

*I forgot to mention that in the park there was also jokes, not bulling but jokes between friends that I didn't understand because I've never been in people before, and since I was "the new guy" they used to make fun of me*. And there wasn't much I couldn't do about it I just gonna had to take it and not look upset because I wasn't funny enough to answer back, in time I learned not to care because the jokes are only said for fun they don't insult you and I also became a little bit more funny.

*But even though I was friend with them I wasn't so close to them to talk on the messnger or to share secrets and stuff*. For a while I thought they don't like me or don't consider me so important but then I realised they preffered others in front of me because they are more close to them, not because they don't like me or they have something with me. For example I would always put my father before my uncle, and I would always put my uncle before any other stranger, it's not because I have something with that stranger but because I'm more close with my uncle, the same things goes for friendships, it's nothing personal, really.

*Like I was saying even though I was friend with them I wasn't so close to them to talk on the messnger or to share secrets and stuff so in order to do that I have to look interesting for them*, then I asked myself how to do that. And I realised that in order to look interesting for other people you have to be interested in them, so I started playing call of duty, playing or sport bets, learing how a car engine works and other things. Even though I didn't liked it that much I started to have things in common with certain people that were interested in those stuffs so I became more close to them, it's a lot more easier to talk when you have something in common. And because "we liked the same things" they started to like to be and to talk with me. After that it was just a matter of time before we get close and get to talk about other things, I was this shy guy so mostly they had the initiative I only made sure I'm being liked for my "interests".

*After I became interesting to people by being interested in things that they were acutally interested I started to have close friends*, at this moment I have like 3 close friends, it's not much but is ok, I could try to make more friends it seems pretty easy right now but first I have to get rid of this anxiety. So yeah that's kinda everything, at this moment I cannot say that I'm popular because I'm not even trying because I want to get rid of the anxiety first but I can say that I'm not forever alone anymore, you can do it too but you have to be persistent, don't just read this topic and forget about him in 1 day then read another article and so on. This is not how it works, articles are not magic pills, one article contains enough informations all you have to do is to remember it and use it. It doesn't seems so hard and I guess it isn't but for me it was extremly hard doing all of these while having anxiety plus insecurity about who I am and how I am.

*It's good to take risks, unless take risks to get out of your confort zone your world stay small and you never know what joy you might be missing. If you have any questions feel free to ask *


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## Unious (Jul 11, 2013)

>this time I started to care what other people think about me

big mistake bro


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## cottontree (Jul 12, 2013)

hey thanks for sharing your story.
i think i'm going to try to do what you did, and just go out and walk around for an hour or something in a public place.
i think it will also help with my social anxiety to get used to being in front of random people again.
and maybe if i do it enough, i will meet someone.


also your signature is encouraging. very good advice.
thanks for that.


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## WhatBITW (Jan 26, 2013)

Hmmm ... actually a good story.


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## JoeyG (Jul 17, 2013)

I loved reading this. I skimmed over some of it. Very, very good story. Makes me hopeful. Thank-you.


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## Growlithe (Jun 27, 2013)

very good.. i will remember and apply what i learned here..


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## Frostbite (May 14, 2013)

you lost me when you said you were 16


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## saltyleaf (Dec 30, 2011)

Frostbite said:


> you lost me when you said you were 16


lol

if this works for you, more power to you!
&congrats on putting yourself out there


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## jimjam (Aug 22, 2012)

Hmmm... I have a few things to say here.

I like your general approach, but yeah... you lost me too when you said you were 16.

Its nothing personal, but its not that hard to make friends in highschool. I suffered with severe anxiety and depression, and still managed to have a few friends. Being in school is totally different from the outside world. You're all forced to see each other every day in a large social setting, so its easy to meet people. Also, you all have the same schedule, same break periods between classes, and same days (weekends) off.

You're methods won't work when you're 20, and everyone has different hours at different (sometimes multiple) jobs and school, with random days off. Even worse when you're days off and hours never seem to match up, and it becomes harder to maintain a relationship with a person. Or even better yet, everyone you know starts having kids and they can't just hang out or drink as often. It just takes a lot more planning, and its a lot harder to get people out and about like you used to in school. Also, its easy to make friends in high school because thats what a lot of people are doing there: looking to make friends. By you're twenties, everyone is pretty established in their friend circles and aren't really looking to include more in. So you end up with a lot of acquaintances, and not so many friends. Its possible to make friends, but much harder.

Its a different world.

Basically, if what you're doing is working for you now, then do it. I'm glad it is. Don't mess it up, because these people you make friends with in high school are 99% likely to be the same people you are going to be hanging with when you graduate (assuming you don't move far away for college). If you don't connect with them now, you'll be alone post graduation.

I was able to make friends in highschool, but my severe depression and anxiety held me back from making deep connections. So I pretty much lost all contact after becoming an adult.

But your basic strategy of being interested in them, and finding common interests are spot on. Keep that up.

But your strategy of riding your bike around town aimlessly and hoping to bump into someone you know won't really work for the adult world. Its easy now because kids have nothing better to do after school but wander around town bumping into each other, but adults have jobs and other responsibilities.


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## JoeyG (Jul 17, 2013)

Eek. That was pretty negative and made me worry a little bit, sorry.


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## Haruhi (Jul 8, 2011)

yeah like others said, you being 16 sort of makes me not take the advice seriously but i've briefly read through it and is stored in my head for the experience if i'm to come across any similar situations =P


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## midwestgirl4 (Jul 26, 2013)

I'm 29 now and some of my most horrific memories of social anxiety took place in high school. Someone commented that it's not that hard to make friends in high school. It's also not that hard to be labeled as a ________ (fill in the blank) and you have to live with that for 4 years and see the same people everyday! Anyways, props to the 16 year old for sharing and although the circumstances will change after high school, hopefully they can modify their stretegies and continue to feel good and healthy.


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