# Women and geeky guys



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

_*In no way is this an attack on geeky guys, women, or anything in general? I just wonder this...*

I know there are women out there who dig geeky guys. However, where are they? Do you have to be 'built' in order to attract women, at least initially?

Guys, did you used to be skinny and geeky, and when you turned into more of a 'jock', did you receive attention that you hadn't before?

I'm just wondering whether I should start lifting weights and try to get contacts, and cut off my long hair, in order to attract girls. I'm so lonely, and obviously who I am isn't attractive to women. 
_


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## matty (Nov 2, 2009)

If you are comfortable with who you are and how you look then dont change. If you feel that you will look better and feel better about yourself if you bulk up then I say do it. Dont do it to appeal to girls, do it for yourself. Doesnt matter how you look or act, there will always be some people attracted to you and some people which are not.


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## Recipe For Disaster (Jun 8, 2010)

it depends on the girl. my sister's boyfriend is built like a stick, he is literally the skinniest person i've ever known but she finds him attractive. other girls prefer men with a bit more muscle.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Girls don't date muscles. You can have an attractive body and not get girls. You have to be confident in your personality, as well as your exterior self. If you feel that lifting weights and styling you hair differently and losing the glasses will make you feel and appear more confident, why not? But do these things for yourself, not for others.


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## LostPancake (Apr 8, 2009)

I've gotten attention when I was skinny and geeky - I suppose it was my nice personality. But it was more of a compulsive niceness, a terror of hurting people's feelings, so it was sort of a one-way street - I didn't feel like I was actually there. 

One year I did all this working out, when this woman I liked said she was only attracted to *******s, and I thought maybe she'd like me more if I was in better shape. It didn't work, but I got a bit more attention when I was out swimming and stuff. 

Anyway, the best thing to do is work on how you feel about yourself. That's the real barrier to relationships.


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## AlisonWonderland (Nov 4, 2010)

I've dated a 'geeky' guy - but the thing is, he was so intelligent.
I'm not stupid, and I know this. But I barely know how to switch my laptop on, how could I possibly discuss computer science with him?
He made me feel stupid, not intentionally - but it was a feeling of being very small. 
I have no idea what a
jock is, sorry can't help with that one. 
Muscles can be attractive, but looking like you can snap
me in half without a problem is somewhat scary.
Did this help?
Ps-
long hair can be very sexy, just look after it and wash it, clean shiny hair is lovely on anyone.


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

To all the geeky boys: I am here for you.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I think that showing kindness and a sense of humor and generally making women feel good will go further than any particular look.


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## ozkr (Dec 2, 2005)

Perfectionist said:


> To all the geeky boys: I am here for you.


Oh why hello there! May I interest you in my vast collection of Star Trek fan fiction? Perhaps you could come over so we can take a look at it together. I don't know... maybe we could even have a few mana potions while listening to some mood-setting cnet podcasts and then see where things go from there. :love


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## Perfectionist (Mar 19, 2004)

^Hot.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

You don't have to become a jock in order to lift and become fit. To get huge you'd need to dedicate multiple years to training, so it isn't something that happens by doing a few to many sets. It seems (most) women tend to appreciate low body fat and definition over muscle size, anyway. Unless you are a model you will probably find working out for others as the sole reason won't keep you motivated so you should find other reasons such as it is good for your body and mind, it staves off depression and uses up anxious energy.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

I don't think it's a good idea. In fact, I think we need to embrace our geekiness. When you alter your appearance or tweak your personality in a way that doesn't express your true self -- you end up attracting the wrong type of people. And that's even worse. 

I know it's hard not to do this though. Sometimes I catch myself doing it subconsciously. Pretty sure it's because deep down there's nothing I want more than to be accepted by others. Especially women.


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## sacred (May 25, 2009)

carambola said:


> I think that showing kindness and a sense of humor and generally making women feel good will go further than any particular look.


this is good advice but if you are acting like a walking self help guide and a person trying to develop or get back some sense of humor they once had you are just going to come off as a phony to most people.


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## Judith (Sep 27, 2008)

I adore nerds  And not just the fit ones. If a guy has a bear gut but is confident about his appearance, I'm not gonna care. I would never date a guy who required me to constantly mend his low self esteem though.


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## Onigiri (Aug 3, 2010)

There are women who are attracted to geeky men. Sometimes they're just harder to find. *raises hand* My bf/partner is a brilliant geek who has all the traits you're questioning about.

1. Don't change yourself JUST to attract women. If you're doing it FOR YOU, then WintersTale 2.0 will be okay. Just be yourself and the right one will come along.

2. You don't have to be "built". However, I can't speak for all women since it just depends on the girl. A fit woman might be more attracted to a fit man due to similar lifestyle habits (like they might enjoy running on the beach as a date idea). A woman with more sedentary habits might be more comfortable with a man who's the same way. All women are different.

However, working out also has its other benefits because it makes you feel really good! It's nice to go out and do something active... especially when you get to do it with your partner. (It's also a good place to meet people who enjoy the same activity.) For example, my bf and I started rock climbing together. He's really skinny but when he started developing a little muscle tone, I went NUTS over it. Suddenly I felt more feminine knowing that he can do 13 pull ups when I used to be the stronger one in the relationship. We also made some friends there too and we're extremely shy. Two birds with one stone!

3. As for cutting your long hair? NOOOO!!! Don't do it unless you're doing it for YOURSELF. Long hair can be nice when it's taken care of. For example, my bf has longer hair than I do (and mine reaches my waist). He puts his long hair in a bun and decorates it with two pencils. He's confident with being completely out-of-the-ordinary and that's what "it" boils down to: CONFIDENCE.

4. BE CONFIDENT in your own skin. If you think changing those things will make you more confident, then so be it. It usually comes down to personality and confidence that keeps us.... and depth.


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

What about dorky guys? Are we as adorable as the geeks?


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## BestLifeEver (Dec 13, 2010)

I pretty much exclusively date nerdy guys. If they can't understand that I need to play videogames/be on the internet for several hours at a time, then there probably won't be much of a connection between us. 

Like someone else said, if you feel that working out will improve your self confidence, do it, but sometimes it's obvious to women when you're trying too hard to be something you're not.


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## Sindelle (Oct 22, 2010)

I PREFER nerdy guys to be honest... I don't think every woman wants a musclebound jock. I certainly don't. I think I'd like someone I could relate to actually.

Oh and don't cut your hair! not enough guys grow is long anymore and that sucks in my opinion. 

You shouldn't change who you are. If you want to try to be more attractive then that is a great goal , I am trying to lose weight and I got contacts to look prettier, but I don't think I'm gonna turn into some high maintenence princess , and I don't think I want to either. 

I guess I've always thought that guys who are geeks should go for girls who are geeks or something, instead of aiming at another type , but that's just my opinion.


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## seafolly (Jun 17, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> _
> I know there are women out there who dig geeky guys. However, where are they? Do you have to be 'built' in order to attract women, at least initially?
> 
> Guys, did you used to be skinny and geeky, and when you turned into more of a 'jock', did you receive attention that you hadn't before?
> ...


I dated a "geeky guy" for about five or six months. It wasn't the label though, it was him. He was an inch shorter than me, had ridiculously curly hair that needed a cut, and wore a trench coat that probably came from The Matrix. Oh, and I learned he went to a Dungeons and Dragons camp of sorts. Geeky enough? ;D Anyway his eyes were insanely awesome. The way they crinkled up when he smiles. Holy cow did he have a great smile. But he was confident enough. He knew he was at the bottom of the pack but he felt comfortable in his own skin and did his own thing anyway not trying to fit in. Now, later on in the relationship I found out this skinny guy actually had crazy abs and muscles but his frame was so small I had no idea until he lost his shirt, haha. Point being I didn't know he was in shape. I'm obviously not giving advice here, just trying to say the girls are out there. Once you find that spark with someone it doesn't matter what you look like or what you do as a hobby.


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## Jenikyula gone mad (Nov 9, 2009)

Hmm, you sound like a guy I used to really dig. I know it's tough being lonely, but if you keep being yourself you'll find someone who truly likes you for you, and that's the kind of person you deserve. ^^


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

JayDontCareEh said:


> In fact, I think we need to embrace our geekiness.


This is exactly my mindset, and exactly how I've behaved for my adult life thus far.

It doesn't work.


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## strawberryjulius (Jun 28, 2009)

I just realised that what I was about to say, isn't what you want to hear, so nevermind!


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

What about geeks /with/ muscles? lol. Hey i watch anime, read slashdot, studied computer science, but i lift weights and do martial arts as well. More than one facet to a guy's personality.

At the moment i exercise for my own benefit. I feel better from it, i gain some confidence, and it's something consistent in my life when everything else goes to hell. 

I /think/ i get more attention from women these days as well, and people tell me i look better, but eh, it's probably mostly the increase in confidence (which is due to other things as well). Still not in a relationship so it's not a cure-all obviously.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

All women have different preferences, but most of them don't dig geeky guys. Get up your *** and change yourself dude. I keep hearing things like "love yourself the way you are" but that's BS. Overcoming SA and being more successful with women involves change, most of the time even a major change(not only changing appearance, but socially, lifestyle, and obtaining other things that girls are attracted to). I'm working on doing the same.


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## PickleNose (Jul 11, 2009)

Depends on what they're looking for. Some women do like nice looking, well-built guys. Most women will probably put some amount of thought into your looks and apparent health because they are often evaluating your suitability as a life mate/father of their child somewhere in their mind.

Personally, I would think your overall attitude and intelligence would be higher on the priority list in general.


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## heroin (Dec 10, 2010)

Now I have't had any relationships wihe the opposite sex, so you may disregard my advice if my romantic credentials don't sufficiently impress you....
But I used to be geeky. Now I am significantly less so. And yes, I've had more attention from women after I stopped being overtly geeky.



WintersTale said:


> _Do you have to be 'built' in order to attract women, at least initially?_


No. But it certainly helps. Healthier people are in general, more attractive.


WintersTale said:


> _ Guys, did you used to be skinny and geeky, and when you turned into more of a 'jock', did you receive attention that you hadn't before?_


I didn't exactly turn into a "jock", but I did start to exercise and take better care of my body. And yes, there was more attention from women after I started doing so.


WintersTale said:


> _ I'm just wondering whether I should start lifting weights_


Yeah. Never a bad idea, unless it's harmful to your body in some way. I know a guy who's been advised to not strain his back because he has a birth defect in his back, so it's not a good idea for him to work out. But otherwise, no reason not to. If not for female atention, it's just better being healthy. You'll start to feel less tired in your daily life. I used to commute 4 hours each day when in college. Still I'd never get tired because I was in shape. I walk a kilometre to and from my office everyday. I don't feel tired, and the walking is good exercise. Start exercising and eating right. It's self-improvement everyone can use.



WintersTale said:


> _and try to get contacts_


That depends, some guys look better with spectacles. Ask some of your non-judgemental friends if your frames suit you or you look beter without glasses. If it's just the frames, get nicer ones. If the specs don't suit you, get contacts. I have mild myopia, but I never wear my glasses. They just look terrible. Haven't got contacts made yet though.



WintersTale said:


> _and cut off my long hair_


Again, depends. If you look good with long hair, no need to cut it. If it's just that typical nerdy greasy and badly cut long hair (think RMS) that a lot of computer techs have, then at least visit a proper barber and get it cut into shape or try a shorter haircut. I tried long hair once, Didn't suit my face.



WintersTale said:


> _in order to attract girls. I'm so lonely, and obviously who I am isn't attractive to women. _


Don't think of it in terms of attracting women. You'll lose motivation when you don't get quick results. Think of it as self-improvement. Do it to make yourself feel better about your appearance than to advertise it to the opposite sex. Good health makes everything better, including attention from the opposite sex.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Well, see, I was born cool so I can't relate at all...

jk.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

WintersTale said:


> _*In no way is this an attack on geeky guys, women, or anything in general? I just wonder this...*
> 
> I know there are women out there who dig geeky guys. However, where are they? Do you have to be 'built' in order to attract women, at least initially?
> 
> ...


From the little bit of information you gave me, you don't have to be built to get a girlfriend. You also don't necessarily have to cut your hair, but I'd advise doing so if it makes you look scruffy. You know, you see a lot of buff lonely dudes as well...


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

Winters Tale, the "obviously who I am is unattractive to girls" thing you said is total BS. 

Why all this attention on making yourself "attractive" to girls? Your attraction will come from the core of you. If you dress the way you think you should dress to look attractive but you're not comfortable in it then that cancels out the attraction. 

I get male models coming to me asking for advice on building up their confidence when talking to girls. And no, before anyone starts, they don't always get loads of girls approaching them and quite a few are very shy at times. 

"Geek" is a stereotype not a person. A friend of a friend of mine is quite geeky. Has been for a long time. He's called Adam Lyons and was voted a top pick up artist and has a rather attractive wife. 

Loving yourself for who you are is not, as one poster on this thread said, BS. It's essential. 

As someone else here said, self improvement for you, good.

Self improvement because you think girls will like you if you do this or that is bonkers.

You are you. There is no other person like you. You are a unique sketch. So, what's attractive about you as you are now and what do you want in a woman?


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

joinmartin said:


> Loving yourself for who you are is not, as one poster on this thread said, BS. It's essential.


Well if a guy totally sucks with women, it is normal for a guy not to like himself. If they lie to themselves that they are fine the way they are, expect them to keep struggling with women and get depressed afterwards. You can't love yourself for who you are until you better yourself up to your own and other people's standards.

Some geeks get spit and bullied on; they can't love themselves by remaining this way; they need to change, better themselves, and stop being a geek period.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

Girls who don't adore sweater vests and bow ties are probably just in denial :roll

In case you didn't know, I have a sweater vest....and a bow tie :b

I probably appear as nerdy to people, although that's just a paper thin assumption. "Nerd", "Geek", "Dork" are all subjective terms though. Back when I was a young teen in school, to be a "Geek" was the worst thing in the world. Girls were disgusted by the thought of "Geeky" guys. I was thrown into this stereotype. Constantly being called "Geek", "Dork" etc. and I hated myself for it. Yet here, you see some girls adoring geeky guys. I myself have gotten a wide spectrum of comments on my appearance and personality, ranging from "Cute", "Fun" and "Adorable" to "Boring", "Creepy" and "****ing ugly" - all have been said to my face. 

Human subjectiveness baffles me. Do girls like my looks and personality? I honestly have no idea. I'll just go on and read my comic books, watch my pro wrestling, listen to my music, play my instruments, keep my hair long, and wear my bow tie if it doesn't feel like choking me. :b What seems to be "cool" around my parts is drinking, clubbing, playing sports, flirting with every member of the opposite sex you come across and watching reality TV. I have no interest in that, nor would I have any interest in a girl that enjoyed that anyway. Sometimes I hate myself for being different, but I doubt I'd like myself any more if I acted in the ways I just listed. I'm willing to tweak my interests slightly, or view things from another perspective, but I don't see the point in changing myself dramatically. The only change I'd like to make is to exercise more (for obvious reasons) which I would have done by now but I have that darn SA. :teeth


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

shynesshellasucks said:


> Well if a guy totally sucks with women, it is normal for a guy not to like himself. If they lie to themselves that they are fine the way they are, expect them to keep struggling with women and get depressed afterwards. You can't love yourself for who you are until you better yourself up to your own and other people's standards.
> 
> Some geeks get spit and bullied on; they can't love themselves by remaining this way; they need to change, better themselves, and stop being a geek period.


You can't love yourself for who you are until you better yourself up to your own and other people's standards? Seriously? With respect, twaddle. For a start, whose standards? Nobody is thinking in unsion on this one so whose standards out of the multitude of standards are you going to live up to? And then there's the "i think I need to be this before I can do this" thought process where you think you can't do this or have that until you are this or that sort of person and you use that to hold yourself back.

Attraction does not come from dressing up how you think others want you to dress, be it externally or internally. If you dress in the latest so called "style" and don't feel comfortable in it, then the attraction gets messed with. It's not about conforming to the imagined standards of others. That's approval seeking daftness. It's about grounding yourself in you and what suits you.

And geeks do not get spat on. "geek" is a stereotype and a label not a person. If someone gets spat on by a bully then that means they should immediatly change because someone decided they didn't like them and would express that hatred in violence? No, ridiculous.

The reason they may feel they can't like themselves is because they feel like they need to ask permission from others before they like themselves. They look to the external for approval instead of looking inwards. Classic seeking of validation amongst peers when the core remains without validation.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

Looks are nice to have, but all the muscles in the world will not make someone who is uneducated, unemployed or lacking general direction in their life more attractive. I would focus on more concerete aspects of yourself other than looks, because looks fade pretty quickly. Whether your dork, nerd, jock whatever most people want someone who can complement their life and brings something interesting to the table. So if they're educated there are more likely to have interesting things to say that don't involve MTV or what's on twitter at the moment. If they have a good job they are more likely to be stable for the long term. And if they are sure about themselves and their direction in life they are more likely to be happy and content. So yeah looks are very overrated when it comes to men.


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

joinmartin said:


> You can't love yourself for who you are until you better yourself up to your own and other people's standards? Seriously? With respect, twaddle. For a start, whose standards? Nobody is thinking in unsion on this one so whose standards out of the multitude of standards are you going to live up to? And then there's the "i think I need to be this before I can do this" thought process where you think you can't do this or have that until you are this or that sort of person and you use that to hold yourself back.
> 
> Attraction does not come from dressing up how you think others want you to dress, be it externally or internally. If you dress in the latest so called "style" and don't feel comfortable in it, then the attraction gets messed with. It's not about conforming to the imagined standards of others. That's approval seeking daftness. It's about grounding yourself in you and what suits you.
> 
> ...


I'll agree to disagree then. I personally find that it is normal for people to seek validation from others. You can't ignore other people's perceptions of yourself. There are many stories of people who hated their normal selves and completely transformed into another person which helped their self-esteem and such. You hear many different stories of people being obese and then amazingly become fit which completely turned their life around.

It is no coincidence that cool or even normal people have very little self-esteem issues compared to nerds and geeks. The difference between them are mostly other people's perceptions.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

shynesshellasucks said:


> It is no coincidence that cool or even normal people have very little self-esteem issues compared to nerds and geeks. The difference between them are mostly other people's perceptions.


Hit the nail on the head.

I'm proud to be a nerd within the context of my little bubble. When I go long stretches of time without interacting with my peers, I become more and more comfortable with who I am, forgetting the perception of the culture around me. As joinmartin would say, I don't look to other for permission to "like myself."

But then I go back to school, or work, or hanging out with a group the wretched creatures known as young American adults. And I instantly become depressed because of the *practical reality* of how they view people like myself. I mean, if anything, I'm in denial about how great it is to be a "geek," because I've kept it up for years despite society, girls, and almost everyone in my life telling me I shouldn't. So there's no permission-seeking going on here. But that doesn't mean life is easy. You can love yourself more than anyone else in the world, but if no one else loves who you are, you're still going to have major problems. That's just reality.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

anomalous said:


> This is exactly my mindset, and exactly how I've behaved for my adult life thus far.
> 
> It doesn't work.


I'll agree. I am healthy and work out, yet I have never met a girl who was really into geeks or geeky things. And even if I did, there are probably 10 male geeks for every one girl.

It would be nice to meet one that liked me though.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

shynesshellasucks said:


> I'll agree to disagree then. I personally find that it is normal for people to seek validation from others. You can't ignore other people's perceptions of yourself. There are many stories of people who hated their normal selves and completely transformed into another person which helped their self-esteem and such. You hear many different stories of people being obese and then amazingly become fit which completely turned their life around.
> 
> It is no coincidence that cool or even normal people have very little self-esteem issues compared to nerds and geeks. The difference between them are mostly other people's perceptions.


Great that you have agreed to disagree. Love that. But your last point...erm...with respect, what?

For a start "cool" and "normal" are labels not people. People are people not tired stereotypes. You don't sum up the current President of the USA by calling him simply " a black man". People are more than labels.

Secondly, "cool" and "normal" people (if we must use those ridiculous labels) are just as vulnerable to self esteem issues than the so called "nerds" and "geeks" are. We all have our issues. I know the idea that someone considered "attractive" by some having issues will set off the "does not compute" alarm in the negative belief system clinger's heads but I spend a lot of my time working to help people improve their confidence and self esteem and it sure as anything isn't only so called "nerds" and "geeks" that come to me and other people for help. Welcome to the real world where lots of people, regardless of daft stereotypes and labels placed on them by other people, have problems. Saying "it's no coincidence that..." to something that isn't actually true doesn't make sense.

Yes, you can't ignore other people's perceptions of you. But since when was what other people thought of you (or, in the case of many people on here and elsewhere: what I think other people think of me) the gospel truth? Why do you have any need to live up to that stuff, especially when it changes over time anyway and is usually informed by little more than a judgement or a guess that soon gets corrected enough over time by getting to know someone. A judgement is not automatically a truth, a label is not automatically a person.

It may well be normal to seek validation from other people. But it remains dangerous. And one should not base all or even most of their validation on such a thing given the fluid, sometimes fickle nature of opinions and attitudes and even friendships and relationships. Since when was the person defined solely by the external?

The obese person who lost weight has a more positive life (perhaps) because of the health benefits and freedom to do more. One would hope, really hope, that their self esteem wasn't so bad that they decided to lose weight just so that some other people who thought the be all and end all of existence was to be thin would love them. If they did that, that's dangerous and could trigger an even more negative life than the obesity managed to trigger. Indeed, it's often the worries about how other people think of us etc that can trigger obesity and eating problems as many of these have their roots in the breakdown of the core self esteem.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

anomalous said:


> Hit the nail on the head.
> 
> I'm proud to be a nerd within the context of my little bubble. When I go long stretches of time without interacting with my peers, I become more and more comfortable with who I am, forgetting the perception of the culture around me. As joinmartin would say, I don't look to other for permission to "like myself."
> 
> But then I go back to school, or work, or hanging out with a group the wretched creatures known as young American adults. And I instantly become depressed because of the *practical reality* of how they view people like myself. I mean, if anything, I'm in denial about how great it is to be a "geek," because I've kept it up for years despite society, girls, and almost everyone in my life telling me I shouldn't. So there's no permission-seeking going on here. But that doesn't mean life is easy. You can love yourself more than anyone else in the world, but if no one else loves who you are, you're still going to have major problems. That's just reality.


Yes, but the point is you have absolutely no idea what those other people think and feel about you. You just guess based on your own belief systems and interpretations of their actions and what you think they are communicating to you. We all do it to some extent.

You don't become depressed because of any practical reality. You become depressed because of the reality inside your head that isn't actually the reality out there. Again, we all do that, we all have our maps of what we think the world is like, what we think society and culture and all the rest of it say. But, for the most part, those things remain interpretations and guesses and, indeed, generalisations.

The notion that nobody loves you for who you are in this world when millions upon millions of people don't even know you is down right laughable. It's not reality. It's an assumption based upon a belief system about the world.

And another thing, since when did your work represent the rest of the world? Even if you are right and people at your work don't like you for whatever reason (and it may have nothing at all to do with your geekiness or with you at all) then how on earth do they speak for the rest of the world?

You had some experiences and those conditioned you. You've got some beliefs, perceptions, guesses, interpretations, meanings etc but those are not reality. The map is not the territory. What we think in our heads is not automatically sketched out in front of us.

There are no people like yourself. You are not a label. You a person. You're not even going be "geeky" in the same way other people are "geeky". Yes, we belong to different communities and groups but that never gets rid of our individuality and the fluid nature of it.

You're proud to be a "nerd"? Great. Extend that and become "proud" to be you. Who you are right now. Attempting to live up to what you think other people want from you will end up leaving you feeling very depressed indeed. Stop making assumptions about how other people think and feel about you. Well, the negative ones anyway. Because, as far as you know, people could really like and respect and love you but you'd never notice it because you're not used to it and you don't expect it either thanks to the belief systems.

People who are not so called "geeks" have self esteem and confidence issues. Male and female models have self esteem and confidence issues. Arrogant jerks have self esteem and confidence issues. Loads of people have them and you really have to ask yourself that, if so many people have those issues about whether they are good enough or not and some of those people are clearly loved and respected but they don't realise it, well...am I wrong about people not loving and liking me? And am I wrong about not liking myself?


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## xFadeToBlack (Dec 27, 2010)

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Don't change yourself. Why would you even want to be with a girl that was interested in a pretty face and empty head? I myself adore geeky guys with long hair =x


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## shynesshellasucks (May 10, 2008)

joinmartin said:


> The obese person who lost weight has a more positive life (perhaps) because of the health benefits and freedom to do more.


Not only this. The particular example I'm thinking of is that the obese guy also became more confident, married a girl, and had kids.


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## bezoomny (Feb 10, 2007)

WintersTale said:


> _*In no way is this an attack on geeky guys, women, or anything in general? I just wonder this...*
> 
> I know there are women out there who dig geeky guys. However, where are they?_


*waves hand*


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't think such traits as geekiness keep anyone from getting together with someone of the opposite sex. it's the shyness that keeps one from risking anything that determines such things.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Perfectionist said:


> To all the geeky boys: I am here for you.


yayy :clap:clap:clap


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## Its Not Me Its You (Dec 30, 2010)

Being happy with who you are is attractive. Love me for me, is the attitude to have. As alot of other people have said all women are different in what they find attractive. 

Personally I for one do not want to be a crutch for someone's insecurites and self esteem (been there done that and I drowned for a long time). The saying is true that you have to be happy within yourself before you can truly be happy with someone else. If you want to make changes to your appearence do it for YOU. I mean what have you got to lose!? You can always grow the hair back etc.. if you dont like it. It amazing the confidence a new look can bring 

Geek/dork covers a vast range of different types of people. Its no longer the stereotype from the days of Revenge Of The Nerds type movies lol.


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## Raeden (Feb 8, 2013)

Did OP ever start lifting?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Raeden said:


> Did OP ever start lifting?


He'd be pretty jacked by now.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I got excited and then realised this was another one of DeeperUnderstanding's old bumped threads and that ruined it because I'm ageist and only like new threads.

Oh well. I'm going to make pancakes I think, which is almost as exciting.






They won't be bacon.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)




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## BehindClosedDoors (Oct 16, 2014)

I was the girl in high school who had lots of friends and my pick of who I wanted to date. I was reasonable attractive and always had multiple choices on dates to any event. I was wildly attracted to intelligent men, no matter how they looked. Someone mentally stimulating was always better than the jocks. 

And then I ended up marrying someone who was smart enough but honestly just a good decent man. Best one I ever met actually. Kind, generous. Everything that's good. That trumped everything else. He has brain fart moments where I'm like "Whaaaat did you just say?" And then we both laugh and it's over. I do that too though, I have my less than brilliant moments for sure


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

M0rbid said:


>


There are a lot of nerds like that guy on the right lol.


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

:sigh I don't know if I should say this, because I'm really bitter and disillusioned with relationships right now. So I have to ask anyone reading to not get offended and not take it personally if this doesn't apply to them. I'm not even sure if I believe this, or it's just my bitterness talking.

Geeky girls LOVE geeky guys. Why wouldn't they? Similar passions go a long way in a relationship.

However, compared to geeky guys, girls like that are just really rare, or are often not open about their interests. And they're nearly always taken, especially the attractive ones. You think you meet a geeky girl, there won't be at least 3 other guys who are into the same thing after her at the same time? And since "geek"=/=shy, regardless of popular stereotypes, they usually end up with the more outgoing and confident geeky guys. And this doesn't even take into account the amount who just settle for guys who don't share their interests, or the girls who follow the "opposites attract" philosophy by default. So shy guys like me have no chance with them.

I'm not saying this to criticise or offend any girls, please don't get me wrong. I mean, being more outgoing increases your chances with anyone. If guys like me are equal to them in every other way, but they simply talk to you first, of course you're going to go for them over guys like me.

The good news is though, that this means your "geekyness" isn't the problem, it's your confidence and your ability to make yourself known and connect with people.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Ntln said:


> However, compared to geeky guys, girls like that are just really rare, or are often not open about their interests. *And they're nearly always taken, especially the attractive ones. You think you meet a geeky girl, there won't be at least 3 other guys who are into the same thing after her at the same time?* And since "geek"=/=shy, regardless of popular stereotypes, they usually end up with the more outgoing and confident geeky guys. And this doesn't even take into account the amount who just settle for guys who don't share their interests, or the girls who follow the "opposites attract" philosophy by default. So shy guys like me have no chance with them.


Same for the attractive geeky guys as pictured above. Tragic. Just tragic. Anyway...



Ntln said:


> I'm not saying this to criticise or offend any girls, please don't get me wrong. I mean, being more outgoing increases your chances with anyone. If guys like me are equal to them in every other way, but they simply talk to you first, of course you're going to go for them over guys like me.
> 
> The good news is though, that this means your "geekyness" isn't the problem, it's your confidence and your ability to make yourself known and connect with people.


This I can relate to, though. I've met plenty of people whose only notable trait is talking a lot, and that's all they need. The only option that's really left over is to play chemistry and compatibility over visibility, because people are still going to want someone who gets them and makes them feel good at the end of the day. Talking isn't necessarily saying anything of meaning.


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## yeahl (Oct 29, 2014)

M0rbid said:


>


boom

time to be honest

which one are you op


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## VisualAttraction (Jun 12, 2012)

Do you actually want to change? Don't do it just to suit a certain taste. That being said, there's nothing wrong with working out, wearing contacts, or getting a haircut. Just as long as it's your decision.


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## Lone Drifter (Jul 10, 2014)

Quick question: to those ladies that like geeky guys, does he have to look geeky for you to find him attractive? 

I would love a geeky girlfriend into the same hobbies as me but always seem to attract the biker girls or the rock chicks. There was one geeky girl at work who was really nice, but she would always walk away whenever I tried to talk to her or join in with conversations. I later found out that, based on my appearance, she thought I was a jock and was making fun of her interests. I don't think that I look like a jock (picture in my profile) but am I going to have to change my look to get a geeky girlfriend?


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## GGTFM (Oct 7, 2014)

Both me and my girlfriend are HUGE nerds. :love


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Kind Of said:


> Same for the attractive geeky guys as pictured above. Tragic. Just tragic. Anyway...
> 
> This I can relate to, though. I've met plenty of people whose only notable trait is talking a lot, and that's all they need. The only option that's really left over is to play chemistry and compatibility over visibility, because people are still going to want someone who gets them and makes them feel good at the end of the day. Talking isn't necessarily saying anything of meaning.


Yeah, though the thing is, if you're a guy, approachability and how outgoing you are matter far more than looks, since guys are still (mainly) the ones expected to do all the approaching. Not to sound like a douche, but I consider myself reasonably good looking, yet I've only had one girlfriend and that too was long distance. Also the point of there being more geeky guys than girls. You're a geeky guy, you're nothing special, even i you are good looking. You're a geeky girl however, and you're average or above looking, oh boy.....

Again, sorry if any of this sounds bitter or sexist, it's just been my experience as a newly single somewhat geeky guy, I'm practically invisible to girls.

I agree with the second paragraph though. It's just a problem of me or other shy guys not being much more compatible or having better chemistry with those girls than the outgoing ones. Plenty of them have all my good characteristics, except girls actually notice them since they actually talk to them first and don't take so long to open up when they do.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Ntln said:


> Yeah, though the thing is, if you're a guy, approachability and how outgoing you are matter far more than looks, since guys are still (mainly) the ones expected to do all the approaching. Not to sound like a douche, but I consider myself reasonably good looking, yet I've only had one girlfriend and that too was long distance. Also the point of there being more geeky guys than girls. You're a geeky guy, you're nothing special, even i you are good looking. You're a geeky girl however, and you're average or above looking, oh boy.....
> 
> Again, sorry if any of this sounds bitter or sexist, it's just been my experience as a newly single somewhat geeky guy, I'm practically invisible to girls.
> 
> I agree with the second paragraph though. It's just a problem of me or other shy guys not being much more compatible or having better chemistry with those girls than the outgoing ones. Plenty of them have all my good characteristics, except girls actually notice them since they actually talk to them first and don't take so long to open up when they do.


I know average geeky guys and I think they're special. The hard part is finding a geeky guy who doesn't think the only thing making you special is your looks or your open-mindedness to them playing League of Legends all weekend. I think I like geeky guys a lot more than geeky guys like geeky girls, honestly.

You sound like pretty much any other guy on SAS. :stu

I don't disagree that outgoing people get noticed first. I've been passed over enough myself for various reasons. It only takes one good day for your sense of humor, your thoughts, or your personality to be noticed first, though. Not a lot of consolation, but it's your ace in the hole when people don't expect you to have anything to play at all.


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## Rixy (Oct 4, 2009)

I have a 6 foot bookshelf with hundreds of DVDs, comic books and video games decorated with retro consoles. Will that do? I can play guitar too as a bonus...

No? Okey Dokey, I'll finish Metroid 2 on my own then.


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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

I hate to say it, but if girls are attracted to a geeky guys then he's probably not a geek. He's probably some sort of fashionable hipster.

Geeks have always been the bottom of their social groups and women LIKE STATUS. If you're confident, but if no one knows you you're just an *******. Geek is not sexy.

In fact, women and geeks have never got along. Look at gamersgate. There is a lot of hate between feminism and the geek culture. Remember, I've heard feminist make claims like they don't make men like they use to or they play too many video games. Any time a nerd asks a girl out it's usually denied. If you swallow rejection too many times you're likely to get bitter.

Don't believe me? Read this.
http://www.salon.com/2015/01/10/the...many_awkward_shy_guys_end_up_hating_feminism/


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Most people have a different definition of what "geeky" is. I mean are talking about basically average, everyday guys that just happen to play some video games and like Star Wars a bit. Or we talking full on "geek" with all the lack of social skills, nerdy behavior, demeanor, maybe even voice, and interests etc? Or somewhere in between.

I do agree with @Ntln that geeky girls seem a whole lot more rare than geeky guys. Whether that is reality or because most girls hide it better I'm not positive.


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## Violet Marie (Jan 31, 2015)

i often go for "geeky" guys. not that i don't find muscles, etc attractive occasionally, but i am much more attracted to a guy's intelligence and personality, than his body. if i like a guy, no matter what he looks like i will probably think he is cute. hehe. so just be yourself i am sure there is a lady out there that is looking for a guy like you.


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## rainynights (Aug 23, 2014)

Geeky? Girls want someone that are kind of like them. Geeky girls like geeky guys. Hot girls can be geeky. There are a lot of hot girls at my schools engineering department. Although, you need to be presentable. If you look like you drown yourself in books and live a study/sleep life than you don't come off as dating material. 

You also don't need to be a jock but it helps a lot if you work out because it increases your confidence and if you add some weight/muscle on your arms and body than it will give off the illusion that you are dominant. Girls don't want athletic. They want dominant.

I think a lot of people on here could improve a lot if they just worked out.


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## MisoGirl (Sep 3, 2015)

I like geeky guys because I myself am a geek XD. But I've already got a guy ??


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)




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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

guppy88 said:


> I hate to say it, but if girls are attracted to a geeky guys then he's probably not a geek. He's probably some sort of fashionable hipster.
> 
> Geeks have always been the bottom of their social groups and women LIKE STATUS. If you're confident, but if no one knows you you're just an *******. Geek is not sexy.
> 
> ...


I know this post is old, but seeing as someone has unfortunately bumped it...

Not all women are feminists, and tons of gamergate supporters were/are women. Like at least half of them I came across on twitter..

Feminists /= women. Despite what they want people to think... Many anti gamergate people are also men. Just look at Jonathan Mcintosh. That guy is insane.

Oh and, he writes everything Anita says basically:


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Raeden said:


> Did OP ever start lifting?


Good question. I'm saddened reading this thread, I posted last month how I hate myself for not starting earlier, imagine if I had started trying to improve my body 5 years ago, or 2 years ago. But instead I get worse every year.


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

Geeky things are becoming mainstream and have integrated in our culture. 

Star Wars is pretty geeky and yet it broke box office records. The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, comic book movies/shows, and Video Games are all incredibly popular and geeky.

It would be weird if someone didn’t like anything geeky.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

UnderdogWins said:


> Geeky things are becoming mainstream and have integrated in our culture.
> 
> Star Wars is pretty geeky and yet it broke box office records. The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, comic book movies/shows, and Video Games are all incredibly popular and geeky.
> 
> It would be weird if someone didn't like anything geeky.


This is true.


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## starsfire (May 11, 2015)

Women like geeky guys because they are smart and often funny even when not trying to be. They feel comfortable around a geeky guy less embarrassed. Or thats why i like geeky guys. The looks part just depends on the girl some like long hair . some girls like skinny guys or avrage build . if you feel like doing something diffrent with your looks then go for it. I dont know what you look like so i cant really say if it will be better .


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

Aren't nerds just socially awkward men who lack strong masculine features (deprived of testosterone) ? 

If you're big and strong with a deep manly voice, no one is going to label you a nerd. You can play all the Dungeons and Dragons you want and women will still like you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Memory (Mar 4, 2011)

Idk it depends on what kind of geeky. I like intelligent, techy guys, who might be introverted and sorta awkward.. but if he looks like a geek I'd probably not find him attractive and just be friends. So I guess geeky personality is good if they don't have a geeky appearance. (sounds shallow but oh well)


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Never really understood what geeky is. Probably not a good thing.


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

Nuu, being ripped destroys the whole geekiness. Being healthy is one thing, but you don't have to go all Hulk for it.

Immagine if Grant Imahara (the cute Asian guy from Mythbusters) got all pumped up and nasty. Ugh. It just wouldn't look right. Robot army and a lean figure just makes more sense.
I used to have a mad crush on Grant back in the days. He's perfect the way he is.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

AngelClare said:


> Aren't nerds just socially awkward men who lack strong masculine features (deprived of testosterone) ?
> 
> If you're big and strong with a deep manly voice, no one is going to label you a nerd. You can play all the Dungeons and Dragons you want and women will still like you.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This. In a world where everything is put down to social construct, fitter, more masculine males will get attention for looks alone, because it is the natural instinct of the female. Yes, some here claim to like geeky, nerdy guys, but then you would have to look at where they fall on the attractiveness scale too.

There was a comment earlier that looks fade "pretty quickly". Really? That is simply false if a person takes reasonable care of themselves.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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