# I can't stop acting awkwardly at work



## fortunefaded (Sep 21, 2013)

So I just got my first job and the 2 days I've had to work so far have been a terrible experience. I'm a host at a chain restaurant which is obviously not a good job for someone with extreme social anxiety. 

It's so hard for me to talk to my coworkers, who I'm with the entire shift. If they say something to me I can usually manage to say something back, but I've almost never said anything to them besides questions related to our job. It's even worse if there's just me and one other person together because then it's really obvious how quiet I am.

Everyone there seems to be one big group of friends and it's so horrible when a few people are having a conversation at the host stand and I'm just standing there awkwardly. I know some of my coworkers can already tell I'm the weird, quiet one.

Also I'm too afraid to even do some of the things I have to, like saying goodbye to customers as they leave. Or pretty much taking the initiative to do anything else. 

I don't know how I even got hired for this job. I can't quit because my mom would kill me, I need/want the money, and it took years for me to get a job in the first place so i don't think I'd be able to get a new one so easily.
How can I look normal at work?


----------



## Jash2o2 (Sep 28, 2013)

If you can figure out how to look normal at work, let me know. 

I'm in the same boat and it's gotten worse over time. I held a job at McDonalds for a year before I broke down in tears and just had to quit. Now at Starbucks it's been a little over a week and I'm throwing in the towel because I can already see how it will be on a daily basis. I just want to die when I'm there and I'm terribly afraid that I'll act on those feelings if I stay much longer.

What I think you and I need to do is to just find a job working solo. Anything where I don't have to deal with people most of the day would be great. I would totally be an artist or writer if I had even a shred of talent for it.


----------



## theghost0991 (Mar 29, 2014)

You guys should look for jobs without customers, but stay in your jobs while you are doing it. I was in customer service for one year and I am much better now.


----------



## jesse93 (Jun 10, 2012)

I'm in the same boat as you, but it's been about a month, and I'm still super awkward and quiet, the job I do I have to be with one other coworker, and the whole time I just stand there quietly, at first my coworkers tried talking to me, but now they just seem to avoid me, and I try to avoid them. I just can't be social and it pisses me off. all my coworkers are a big group of friends, always laughing together, and then there's me, I'm just so awkward, it makes me want to quit my job, I feel so anxious throughout the day, I feel so awkward, and feel like I don't even belong, I actually enjoy my job, I just don't enjoy how I am around my coworkers, blah it's so frustrating.


----------



## BlackHollywood (Jun 27, 2013)

I have to tell you, as far as social anxiety at work goes I'm probably a little better than most of the people here. I can talk to co-workers, get on fine and ask them questions about themselves. I don't feel great at work and I'm not best friends with everyone, but I get on with most of them on a basic level. Some of them I even like working with. However, despite being OK with my work, I can honestly say that it is not enough to get you 'in' with the people you work with. You need to be outgoing, talkative, open to conversation and, most importantly, you _must _have a sense of humour. The one thing that will kill your social stance in the work place is not having a sense of humour, which is unfortunately something I just can't muster around people at work. I will talk, smile, act nice but being funny? Jesus, no. I find it too hard to take the risk and tell a joke, in case it flops. This, unfortunately, really does disable me with making friends at work.

If you are looking just to get on in work, then I suggest the first thing you try is just simply asking the people you work with questions and see what they say. If worse comes to worse and they still don't accept you, then just remember that work is work. If they have a problem with the way you act, well, it really isn't a big issue. I know for a fact some people in my work don't enjoy being around me, but I just ignore it and realize that as long as I get through the shift and get the money then it is all good.

However, if you are wanting them to like you, then unless you can muster up the courage and start really putting yourself out there, then the people in your work will just flock to the people that don't require as much effort (happened to me). Some people I just find uncomfortable to be around in comparison to others. However, I always make a bit of an effort with everyone, even if they make me really nervous. Small steps turn into big steps.

Hope this helped on some level.


----------



## TheMachine (Nov 24, 2009)

fortunefaded said:


> So I just got my first job and the 2 days I've had to work so far have been a terrible experience. I'm a host at a chain restaurant which is obviously not a good job for someone with extreme social anxiety.
> 
> It's so hard for me to talk to my coworkers, who I'm with the entire shift. If they say something to me I can usually manage to say something back, but I've almost never said anything to them besides questions related to our job. It's even worse if there's just me and one other person together because then it's really obvious how quiet I am.
> 
> ...


I used to be in the same situation at my old job. It seemed everyone was tightly knit while I was just an outsider although I did make an effort to socialize and be friendly with them.

They would even have groupies and would make me supervise the store so they can do their thing.

And they even went to a music festival together. Do you think they considered inviting me? Big no!

But they did invite me to go bowling with them this one time but that's because the girl who organised it was generally nice and probably the only person there who didn't consider me weird.

And having to work around very attractive girls just made matters worse. And there was this one chick who was always a b!!tch to me for no apparent reason and it made the workplace like hell for me.


----------



## guitarmatt (Aug 13, 2009)

I am in a similar situation as you, as I just got a job bussing tables at a retirement home which is probably less stressful than a chain restaurant. I've been there two days now and i feel super awkward around everyone. Where I work there are a few periods where there is barely anything to do so the workers just "hang out" which has proven to be pretty hard for me with SA. All my coworkers are college students probably a bit older then me and I have nothing in common with them really. They mainly talk about getting drunk, weed and parties they went to on the weekend. I just sit there with nothing to say, because im like one of the 1% of college students who don't smoke/drink/do drugs or go to parties and who just lives at home with their parents. 
Same with the residents, they expect us to be nice and courteous and have conversations with the residents, though its hard for me to hold a conversation in any situation.. so all I do is try to smile and nod, say "wow" or "nice" which is pretty pathetic; everyone else is damn charming and sociable.

I feel really lost on the job too, like I have no idea what I should be doing when not bussing, i just stand around awkwardly feeling like im in everyones way. I don't even know the right thing to say when bussing someone's table besides" can i take your dish." I get pretty warn out emotionally by the end of it. 
The guess the positive thing about it, despite how difficult it is, is that I am actually exposing myself to people rather than being at home. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it weeks, months into the future though.


----------



## flavioa19 (Apr 9, 2014)

On another thread I told someone with a somewhat similar problem as yours to move slowly and become friends the safe way; but since you are in direct contact with your coworkers, I don't think that might be fit for you.

I'd recommend you play a character. Suddenly stop their conversation and say "God, I'm weird", "Don't you guys feel awkward next to me?" or something like that. Say those stuff smiling. The plan is to make you role play a Stand Up Comedian. They might get scared or they might crack a laugh. Make fun of yourself and your fears. Invite the "bullying" only to get their attention, and since you are the one that started it; you'll have the control over the situation. The next day simply say hi and ask how was their day; because if they laughed with you the previous night, they are already your friends.

Eventually someone will say something to you (since they'll consider you the funny guy now on, they'll eventually want to hear your opinion about some subjects), if it's about them, let them talk, and don't talk about yourself. Feed their narcissism. If its about someone else, like a customer, never make fun of them directly, but instead make fun of them through you; like "if I were in their situation [x] disastrous situation would happen lel". Everybody loves a good Listener and a Funny Guy.

Once you get intimate, you can cut the funny guy play little by little and be more yourself. Consider this alter ego your Battle Armor that you put on when you are in a "dangerous" environment. Once your job becomes part of your comfort zone, take off the Armor.


----------

