# Social Anxiety is a treatable disorder!



## B_Mamba (Sep 9, 2004)

Great to hear that, Flower. I'm improving little by little too, I constantly tell myself not to worry about what others think of me cos' their opinion doesn't matter to me. This is a major stumbling block but I'm working on it .


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## Crusader Rabbit (Aug 10, 2004)

The standard explanation for all the negativity is that it's almost all "beginner SA people", meaning people just starting to deal with the disorder. "The story" goes that as people move forward in their recovery, they tend to drift off from the SAS site. From my own experiences here, I believe this is the case.

So.............

You end up with mostly negative type posts because the more positive ones have moved on.


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

I do believe that SA is due to mental illness but that most SA can be overcome. However, those with anxiety disorders/depression, I feel will always be sensitive by nature and never completely get over it. 
I do believe though that we can be stronger in dealing with it and that even though we may always have fear or anxiety we can at least do what we have to do and not avoid everything that comes our way.


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## mermaid (Nov 8, 2003)

Wow Flower! You sound so positive. :banana


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Flower, if I may make some clarifications on the behalf of my drunken, negative, self-pitying posts. 

First off, my SA makes me unable to discuss the matter with the people I would need to first, my mom and dad. I can't apply for SSI without them (at least I'm pretty sure). I don't even know if I have health insurance anymore, and if I do, I'm still afraid to talk to my dad (who I would be covered under) about psychologists, getting meds and what not. So, I feel stuck in this existence. 

I also don't know if I'd even want to take meds, or have to depend on getting rides to see a shrink. If I did get help, I don't want any of my family to know. And, so, here lies my diliemna. I try to look at it differently. I try to look at all of the different angles of the situations and how I can escape this reality. What you see on this board isn't all I am. I'm not miserable now. I may be tonight, but I do believe that if the events of the day were to go differently, say a friend came over, I would be a little more happy about things. It's hard not to be depressed when you are stuck in your room with no one to talk to or call.


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## kazoopaula (Dec 1, 2004)

Flower...reading your posts reminds me of a saying. "If I keeping doing what I've done, I'll keep getting what I got." I'm at a point in my life where I am fed up with the way things are - and I won't tollerate it to continue. The %#^$ negative tapes in my head are getting to the toxic level and I am fed up. Time for a new deal.


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## kazoopaula (Dec 1, 2004)

Flower...I have often wondered if the times that I "wasn't depressed" was just that the level of depression wasn't causing pain. I wonder if the facets of my feelings have been accustomed to pain and that the lack of pain would trigger my belief that I wasn't all that depressed. I wonder if "survive" was the goal I was setting for myself when maybe it could be "thrive." Maybe I have cut my recovery off as soon as the pain wasn't my focus. Lack of pleasure is also an aspect of depression. Just my ramblings...


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## rusalka (Jan 12, 2004)

flower said:


> Beating anxiety should be a piece of cake after coming out of depression. At least I hope so.


True. My SA therapist said that it's very necessary to take care of depression first, and then deal with the social anxiety. Depression, she said, intervenes with anxiety. When you're depressed it's hard to want to socialize, or even get out of bed. How true....


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## kazoopaula (Dec 1, 2004)

*treating depression first*

It makes a lot of sense to treat the depression first...I never really though about it before....hmmm.

Paula opcorn


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## Crusader Rabbit (Aug 10, 2004)

Flower, just remember if you are feeling totally drained at some point, you are trying to pull the negative folks up to your level. Some stupid cosmic law says "they can pull you down to their level but you can't pull them up to yours". I have learned and verified this law more times than I care to think about.


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## jesswsa (Dec 10, 2004)

Flower It is good to read a positive posting!!!!!!! I have learned so much, and don't feel so overwhelmed. Thanks again


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## leilanistar (Jul 6, 2004)

Dear SAers,

I have struggled withdepression, SA, an eating disorder, and other afflictions all my life and I just turned the big 5-0, but I can tell you, it's worth the fight! You are worth the fight for recovery.

Do whatever it takes! Please be gentle with yourselves. We have all been where you are.

Please also try and remember you are important to someone, somewhere in this world and you have made a difference in their life somehow.

Don't give up.

Is it easy? Hell no! Are you worth it? Hell yes!

There, I'll get off my soapbox.

opps, just one more little thing--you are somebody by being an _*author*_ on this site!

I love all you guys/gals--you have made a difference in my life. And I am learning something new every day!

leilanistar (I'm a tough old battleaxe, but I refuse to let this damn affliction defeat me!)


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

Flower- Thank you so much for your positive attitude and positive posts. You seem like a very intelligent, strong person and I thank you for sharing that with the rest of us. It has also frusterated me that so many ppl are so negative on this site because I was optimistic about my recovery at first, when I learned that it was treatable. Then, after talking to so many ppl who were pessimistic about it, I thought that maybe I was a fool for thinking I could overcome it. However...as I learn more about it through research I realize that I can rely on myself to get better. I just also need to be able to relate to other positive saers. I am very happy to read your posts, thanks!!!


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## kazoopaula (Dec 1, 2004)

Flower and Jess - I thank you both for your positive words and encouragement. If you think about it - we are fortunate. We have the opportunity to take an honest look at ourselves and grow as people because of it. Will I ever have a "perfect" cure? I think that would imply that I would be "perfect" and I really don't want to aim for perfection. I want peace and happiness in my life - and that means I don't want to live constantly scrutinizing every move I make and punishing myself for every perceived flaw. I want to surround myself with people who support my recoveryand put distance between me and those who don't. I don't want to live with the weight of the world on my shoulders or in a state of constant gloom. I am hopeful because I see small changes in myself from month to month. I work hard in therapy - I say exactly what is on my mind and if something is uncomfortable - I say that too and talk about it as much as I can get out. Going back to where I was is not an option...I refuse to live like that any longer. Nothing or no one else gets a say in this...it is my decision...period.


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## VanDamme (Jun 8, 2004)

Great to see you're doing well, 
flower! :banana :banana :banana :banana 

I agree that for most SAers, the solution is within YOU! A shrink may help you give some understanding and support that can be useful for some but you have to do the work. Personally, I did most of the work by myself and never used medication. Even changed my carreer because of my anxiety / low self esteem. But the recent half year has been so awesome and in most social situations I feel no anxiety at all. The only place where I feel the most anxiety is Toastmasters because about 6 years ago I conditioned a lot of anxiety to it but even there I improved a lot since last summer and I do believe that I can give a speech with no anxiety at all! The whole world seems very different now as I feel like I'm a very different person.

Somehow I always had the motivation from self or pressure from circumstances to try to find a solution. It wasn't easy but I managed to find the resources that helped my transform myself. 

Good luck to everyone!


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## kazoopaula (Dec 1, 2004)

It's ironic that this thread would come back to me today. I read my message from late November - and it was something I needed to see. I agree Tony, it is far easier to stay the same. I often feel lazy and don't want to expend the effort to do the things I need to do. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm worth the effort. But I am worth the effort and worthy of living a happy life.


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## Szattam (Nov 11, 2003)

Amen to that! I can see you are going to succeed if you keep that attitude


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## MilitaryFan Girl (Jan 4, 2005)

*flower*

flower you are soo right !! I read everywhere that SAD is HIGHLY curable ! So i wonder why everyone on here seems so hopless and negative ..... IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH YOU WILL GET IT . anything is possible thats what i think .. SO START DANCING :banana :banana


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## tryptich (Nov 11, 2004)

I have to agree. It's important to take personal responsibility, especially for those of us who have the resources. When I'm feeling badly, I need only to remind myself, "I do not suffer from cancer, HIV, or even psychological disorders such as depression or schizophrenia. I do not live in abject poverty. I have the means to improve my situation."


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Flower,

It's true that there is a lot of negativity in the majority of the posts. I have to remember that we all have varying degrees and are at different stages.

There does seem to be a problem with the lack of triumph posts. When we do something good, we should post it to let others know how we did it. That way, it gives them hope that they can do the same without SA getting in the way.

Sorry for ranting,
millenniumman75


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## persistent1 (Dec 18, 2004)

Positive Thinking= mental health
Negative Thinking= mental illness

If we have any hope of getting better this is where it is at! You will not get better by thinking the same thoughts that have gotten you here. The self criticism, self loathing, negative self talk etc., absolutely must be drastically lowered and eventually eliminated if there is hope of curing your SA. It is our own interpretation of ourselves and the world that is the problem it is not the world itself or at the risk of offending it is not a chemical imbalance or at least not one that cannot be changed with different thoughts! If you never thought another negative thought consciously or subconsciously about yourself from this day forward then you would be cured. Its as simple and as impossible as that. If you are one of those who like to say that positive thinking doesnt work for you then all I want to know it how is that negative thinking working out for you? *"If you keep doing what you been doing you will keep getting what you been getting"!*


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## Sweetangel (Jan 12, 2005)

when i did quizes that tell me if i have SA one quiz said i don't (it also said its inaccurate) and i was like OH NO I DON'T HAVE SA??? then i did a real quiz and it said I DO HAVE SA and i was really RELIEVED to know that there is a reason i act all weird and panic and it is treatable and there is a problem and now i kno how to fix it.


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## bucketofhope (Sep 12, 2004)

*Re:*

Great thread flower. I'm printing these words and am going to read them every day. This is REAL optimism that I need, and not something that can't be done. I like the way you worded it. Maybe this will help give me the positive boost that I need to climb out Of my deep hole. :banana


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## AlienOnEarth (Dec 5, 2004)

It is true, we can treat this.

Now dont take it a wrong way, please. I am not high on hope, only to be miserable tomorrow night. I have known this, and exprienced it. 

Couple months ago, i posted a message about "Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step". I said i will come back and say if it works for me. Well, I cant say i am fully recovered, nor am i close. But, mark this: i am much better. I remember last year i couldnt even stay at school for lunches. I would either roam around the school, hiding, or i would go home. 

But this year, after I have started the CBT, i am very comfortable with staying at school. I have joined a club, I talk to people, and feel no anxiety in normal situations. 

I still feel very anxious when i go where there too many people, or specially the cafeteria. Or Assemblies. And other social stuff. I still cant bear those places.. 
arghh......

But the point is i am much better. That means there is hope. It is just a matter of determination. We must set realistic goal. There is no magic pill. U will be cured only when u see the hard and steep road in front of you. 

There are many programs out there. Just find one that suits u and stick to it. The one i am doing is pretty good, yet expensive. But there is no price on anything that can cure us. Even if we have all the money in the world, this SA keeps us from all happiness. We will cure this because we know it is a hard and long journey.

:thanks


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## PuzzledMike (Nov 30, 2004)

AlienOnEarth said:


> Couple months ago, i posted a message about "Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step". I said i will come back and say if it works for me. Well, I cant say i am fully recovered, nor am i close. But, mark this: i am much better. I remember last year i couldnt even stay at school for lunches. I would either roam around the school, hiding, or i would go home.
> 
> There are many programs out there. Just find one that suits u and stick to it. The one i am doing is pretty good, yet expensive. But there is no price on anything that can cure us. Even if we have all the money in the world, this SA keeps us from all happiness. We will cure this because we know it is a hard and long journey.
> 
> :thanks


 :agree 
It's great to hear about your progress! I feel very similar : CBT and the "Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step" tapes and book has changed my life. I wish more people could realise the progress they could achieve by these methods.


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

*thanks *

persistent1- Amen! You nailed it...and you are completely right. Thank you for your input.


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

Thanks for the positive attitude it's very important to have that! And thanks for sharing your experience.


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## WhyMe888 (Aug 22, 2005)

....


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## Cured (Sep 13, 2005)

*Disorder*

I think the problem most of us have is thinking there is something wrong with us. That we have a medical "disorder". I might be social phobic, experience anxiety at times I don't want to. But who doesn't? Its a bell curve, there are people on both ends of the spectrum. God did not decide to create us all the same. There is no real social norm. We are all different. We each have our weaknesses and strengths. I prefer to think I have more strengths than weaknesses. I do not have a disorder. I just react differently to social situations than others. Whether the medical industry wants to declare this a medical disorder or disease to increase their pharmacutical revenue, so be it. It does not effect me or who I am. My body and mind reacts the way it does to protect me. Why so severely? I do not know, but I choose to embrace it, work on it, and improve myself. Thats all I can do.


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## Ames105 (Nov 6, 2005)

I think that's great that you were able to able to finally wake up and see what's wrong and take hold of that situation. You were able to find your problems and say, I've had enough and I'm going to do something to change it.

What I'm going to say is in no way trying to bring the post down but to add my viewpoint. I understand my thoughts are irrational, I understand I need to change, I understand the steps I need to take in order to change. Thinking of solutions, and what one would do is easy. Taking those steps are not. I'm only going to talk about myself but well, I don't want to start generalizing. For me, I know that my thought process is wrong, I need to change that. I crave change, I need change, I want change. But when it comes down to it, I'm absolutely terrified of it. My life now is predictable, it may not be happy but it's something that I know. How do I know that if I change things that it will get better? And when I do attempt to change, and I'm faced with not so much failure, but disappointment as to how things turn out, well, that sets me back. It shouldn't, but it does.

Habit, thought process is what holds most people back I believe from taking steps or like what I said, they try and are met with disappointment. I don't want to use those as excuses but I feel as though, until you are able to break your thought process, you're able to finally say screw this I need change, and I'm going to do it and not look back and really really mean it, not just say it because you've had enough at that moment but really mean and do it. Then you're on your way to recovery, getting there and how long it will take you to get there is hard and some people might need help getting there or they will find it on their own.

I think a lot of people can and will eventually come to their epiphany and realize that yes, they can change themselves, and they don't need doctors or books or whatever, they just need to be strong and just do it. So I think it's great that you (flower) was able to do that and am succeeding and it's great to hear such positives in this thread. I just hope that I will be able to get there someday. I have hope yes, but I also know it rests on me, and I also know that until I learn to change my thought process, I won't be able to sincerely say that I am willing to change and I'm willing to take whatever steps that I need in order to change.

I'm not sure my posts makes sense. But I just wanted to put in my two cents. I hope my post isn't too negative, and that's not what I meant for it to be. It is hopeful, and I am hopeful that I can change and those who suffer from SAD can change. I just want to add that it's great that people can share such positive posts and it is inspiring but I did want to tackle Flower's question in a way:



> Why would anyone who knows they have this disorder just sit back and do nothing?


and I'm going to use myself because I don't want to generalize. I do want to do something, I want more than anything to do something but it's habit that I need to overcome. It's my habits that even though I know needs to be changed, creates a security blanket for me. I know what it is to expect and at least I won't have to worry about disappointments and such. I do understand it's a habit that I need to overcome and I will one day because like most people, I do not want SA to run my life. But as of now, I'm just having a hard time getting there.

I'm sure everything I said is like, duh, we already knew that but I wanted to post it anyway.

But yes, I think this thread is great and I loved reading all the positive posts, it gives me faith that yes, I can change and I won't be like this forever. So thank you Flower for creating this post. =)


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

I notice the opening post is ancient, but I may as well reply to it anyway.



flower said:


> Dont you want your life back??


It wouldn't be my life coming back, I have no recollection of any social life, it'd be a new life. I suppose I'd be more motivated if I remembered some other sort of life and had the sense that there were a real me being hidden, but for me, this is me. The idea of becoming something so different from what I am is as scary as continuing as is. I'm not saying I wouldn't like to change in some ways to improve some things about my life, but change is scary and I expect that's what holds a lot of us back.

I do agree with the implication that I bear some responsibility for being complicit it continuing as I am, but agreeing doesn't mean I'll change, it just reduces my right to complain.

Disclaimer: I wouldn't classify myself as miserable most of the time, so perhaps I'm not the target of the post.


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## seagreen16 (Sep 24, 2005)

B_Mamba said:


> Great to hear that, Flower. I'm improving little by little too, I constantly tell myself not to worry about what others think of me cos' their opinion doesn't matter to me. This is a major stumbling block but I'm working on it .


B_Mamba, I really like your idea here. I think it struck a nerve with me too, like this could help me stop letting everything everyone thinks about me affect me sooo much. Thanks for sharing .


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