# WTF? why go guys do this?



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

Yesterday I was waiting in a small group in front of the bus for the bus driver to open the door & I turn around & look at this guy standing next to me, then he looks at me. Then I look back at the person in front of me as the door opens. ok.

So I get on the bus & then sit as I always do in one of the 2 person seats, & I sit in the seat near the window... then the guy comes in & guess where he sits? Right next to me. Mind you, both seats in front & in back of me were empty. There was absolutely no reason for him to sit right next to me...but thats not what was bad...its that then when he sat down he made sure to push himself against my arm & side & sit really f&cking close to me, so close that I could feel his whole sleeveless arm against mine all the time. :um Then he keeps looking at me while Im just looking straight ahead thinking "Why? WHHHHY?!!!" then he says something like "man its hot outside, or its so hot today" (well it *was* hot outside but whatever.) I was so uncomfortable that i thought, "what the hell? no way, Im not putting up with this sh$t for the whole damn trip!" so I waited until the bus got to a stop in front of a shopping center with a bookstore so i could get off & wait in the store for the next bus....yes I actually felt forced to cut my trip short b/c of this guy, who to me seemed to be b/w his late teens & early twenties & apparently must have thought I was around his age (Im 33 but can look young for my age though I doubt I can pass for a teen).

if I weren't so shy & anxious I would have turned to him with a serious face & told him, "ok look, there are seats in front & in back of me. What exactly are you trying to accomplish here? b/c if this is an attempt to flirt or to get me to notice you all you are doing is making me uncomfortable...also if you were to push this crap just a bit more this could be considered harassment in certain situations. Are you aware of that?"

So I got home an hour & a half later than I planned to, I felt really uncomfortable & angry & this is yet another example why I really dont like men & want nothing to do with them...

Guys was this just a weirdo or is it normal behavior? B/C if its normal its annoying, rude & creepy, frankly... :mum


----------



## WineKitty (Nov 26, 2004)

Sounds like he was trying to come on to you to me....I would have got up and moved to another seat....


----------



## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

Wow, your story just gave me a good plan the next time I'm on a bus. heheh. I probably would react the same way you did if a girl i wasn't interested in did that.


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

Creepy. That guy might have mistaken your shy look at him as attraction or interest. In an oversexed society thats a green light to cop a feel. I don't make long eye contact with men anymore. They look at me like they're the wolf and i'm the pork chop.


----------



## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

:lol that guy was desperate


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Yeah, probably just a young guy who was trying to flirt with you. Ignorant of the fact that you were very uncomfortable. I've had girls do that (flirting) when I was younger, I just wanted out of the situation, I usually just nodded my head and smiled with one word responses. Full on panic attacks at the time, didn't know how to deal with it. Even if I was attracted to them, wouldn't be able to deal with it at the time.


----------



## Stanley (May 11, 2007)

I've been doing almost the exact same thing with this girl from my class, the one I mentioned earlier in *obsessive love* thread, except I wouldn't sit too close to her, usually 1-2 seats apart, but I couldn't stop staring and... holy crap! She was probably having the same thoughts. I feel truly horrible now!


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Stanley said:


> I've been doing almost the exact same thing with this girl from my class, the one I mentioned earlier in *obsessive love* thread, except I wouldn't sit too close to her, usually 1-2 seats apart, but I couldn't stop staring and... holy crap! She was probably having the same thoughts. I feel truly horrible now!


what is it that makes you stare?


----------



## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

The guy doesn't sound THAT bad. If he was really a creap or whatever, he'd would've been making sexually suggestive remarks toward you.

He was just interested in you, that's all. The entire universe would be single if people never at least tried to pick up a girl. The problem is your SA made it a really uncomfortable situation, which is completely understandable. A normal person probably would strike a conversation in return, but with SA, we always react a lot differently.


----------



## Stanley (May 11, 2007)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



embers said:


> what is it that makes you stare?


I wish I knew. If it's an attractive girl I just can't help it.


----------



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

please dont stare...

it make many of us very uncomfortable. Im sure there's some girls who dig it, but for many others like me it totally freaks us out. It makes us feel like prey...like a predator is looking at prey. It makes us feel powerless. I suppose there are some sick guys that get off on that.

I understand if you want to look at an attractive girl, I like looking at attractive guys... but you should not make it so blatant that it makes her uncomfortable...also if you wantto get to know her or make her notice you, talk to her like a person, like you would talk to your friend or a relative, & remember she has feelings, she is someone's daughter or sister & isnt just an object for you to lust after or catch or "score". And certainly dont throw yourself on her like this guy did to me. Idiot. :mum


----------



## davemason2k (Feb 11, 2005)

mechagirl, you said the guy on the bus tried to talk to you. He didn't just stare


----------



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

I've never had anyone do anything like that...not strangers...some of my friends or people I've met from the internet have gotten so close, they practically tried to sit on my lap before and that makes me uncomfortable. :um But I'd be shocked if a stranger did that...strangers are too afraid of me to get near me. :b


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

These are one of those situations that shy guys would love to experience, but most girls, who already experience it and are creeped out by it, would love to get out of.


----------



## FairleighCalm (May 20, 2007)

It's creepy when a stranger touches you without having to do so. I think next time you should give yourself permission to get up and choose another seat.


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Obviously he was trying to make a pass at you and doing very badly at it. Strangers don't sit in the seat right next to you on a bus unless there are no other seats open and every sane person follows this unwritten rule.

BTW, you need to change your age -- it shows 32 under your name.


----------



## treksalot (Mar 9, 2007)

This has actually happened to me. Except it wasn't really so much in my space that I got uncomfortable. I'm planning to write more...soon, later. I'm sleepy. Zzzz.


----------



## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

I've experienced something similar. A man twice my age had asked me if he could have the seat next to me even though the bus was practically empty. I guess when we met eye contact before we boarded the bus he had mistaken it as a sign of invitation? I hesitated and took a long look around to emphasis that there were plenty of other seats. It didn't look like he was going to go away unless I was rude and I didn't want to be so I said he could sit. I endured a few minutes of him being flirtatious and I tried to be friendly but didn't want to lead this person on. So I told him I was tired from a long day and wanted to rest. We didn't talk for the rest of the trip to my relief. I couldn't help but feel bad but I didn't want to put up with that for the entire bus ride.


----------



## aviator99 (Nov 23, 2006)

I agree with others...whatever that dude did was definitely pretty weird/very pushy/extremely formal. It was bad alone that he sat next to you (as you're basically forced to deal with it), but then touched you is even worse. However, i'm sure if he was an attractive guy, and around your age, you probably wouldn't mind 

I had the same thing happen to me in high school. Had the window seat on the bus, then this girl (who I didnt find attractive at all really) just sits next to me and starts talking with me...the bus ride is like 30mins long and I was basically forced to listen. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....the next day she wrote me a letter [rolls eyes]...needless to say I started getting rides to/from school...sheesh. Too bad it wasnt a girl I found attractive, I wouldn't have minded, lol.


----------



## nothing_to_say (Nov 21, 2006)

This is not exactly the same thing, but i've sensed some women getting tense just because I've sat next to them on the bus.
Sorry ladies, if the seat next to you is the only one available, i'm sitting there. Your discomfort is your problem. Although talking to the woman, or rubbing againist them is different of course. I always make sure there's a gap, even if I have to leave one cheek off the edge of the seat.


----------



## WinterDave (Dec 5, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



embers said:


> Creepy. That guy might have mistaken your shy look at him as attraction or interest. In an oversexed society thats a green light to cop a feel. I don't make long eye contact with men anymore. They look at me like they're the wolf and i'm the pork chop.


I love your analogy....It's right up there with "I am Godzilla, and you are Japan!"..... :lol


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

> However, i'm sure if he was an attractive guy, and around your age, you probably wouldn't mind


nah, women are wired differently. Its equally nauseating whether its a hot guy rubbing up against me on a bus or an ugly guy. Flirting for me would be a quick glance across the bus, catch eyes, maybe a smile. Not trapping me in my seat with a big heavy meaty arm, heavily breathing how hot it is outside. The way the original poster described it, it sounds like he was being an animal. Not hot!


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



WinterDave said:


> embers said:
> 
> 
> > Creepy. That guy might have mistaken your shy look at him as attraction or interest. In an oversexed society thats a green light to cop a feel. I don't make long eye contact with men anymore. They look at me like they're the wolf and i'm the pork chop.
> ...


Yeh I tend to exaggerate, but you know what I mean :b


----------



## Laura (Nov 12, 2003)

...


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

he watched that video clip trying to teach unsuccessful guys the proper approach maybe? He was trying to initiate contact to creat a sort of bonding or something? Can't remember the clip. Anyway not something I would do. I wouldn't even have sat next to you even if I was attracted to you but I'm a weirdo so... Usually I wait for the woman/girl to move close to me. Then my most often response in the past was to completely ignore the woman/girl; avoid looking. Then they walk away eventually and I feel relieved but like a failure/loser at the sametime. 

At least he came off as aggressive, forward or in other words masculine and not shy timid the opposite of what a man is. If he had done this he would have been even less likely to attract a typical woman.


----------



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



embers said:


> nah, women are wired differently. Its equally nauseating whether its a hot guy rubbing up against me on a bus or an ugly guy.


I definitely wouldn't mind if Jared Leto [or somebody who looked like him] rubbed up against me. :mushy haha. Not like that's gonna be happening anytime soon though. Only maybe in my dreams. :sigh


----------



## nothing_to_say (Nov 21, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Laura said:


> Men are stupid, thats why they do things like that.


What ? All of them ?


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



nothing_to_say said:


> Laura said:
> 
> 
> > Men are stupid, thats why they do things like that.
> ...


Yeah I won't respond to her comment :lol


----------



## sean88 (Apr 29, 2006)

mechagirl said:


> So I got home an hour & a half later than I planned to, I felt really uncomfortable & angry & this is yet another example why I really dont like men & want nothing to do with them...


'Scuse you missy, but we're not all like that.


----------



## ShyFX (Mar 6, 2006)

I'm sorry you had to go through that. See, this is why I never approach women, aside from having SA of course. I just assume none of them are interested and that they don't want to be bothered. The last thing I want to do is make a stranger feel uncomfortable. Even if she is the one staring at me.


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> embers said:
> 
> 
> > nah, women are wired differently. Its equally nauseating whether its a hot guy rubbing up against me on a bus or an ugly guy.
> ...


You are one in a million miss. Maybe there are a lot of gals like that, just guys don't affect me like that. Gotta build an attraction for me. Otherwise its just like a slab of beef (his arm) against mine. No chills, no nothin. Even if it was Johnny Depp.


----------



## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

uh thats creepy period! where do you live?


----------



## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

oh florida! that explains it !


----------



## Shauna The Dead (Jun 16, 2005)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



embers said:


> You are one in a million miss. Maybe there are a lot of gals like that, just guys don't affect me like that. Gotta build an attraction for me. Otherwise its just like a slab of beef (his arm) against mine. No chills, no nothin. Even if it was Johnny Depp.


Wow really? :shock Johnny Depp's another one I wouldn't mind rubbing up against me. :b


----------



## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Then again i live right by this HUGE insane aslyum/Pyshiatric center that closed down years ago( thank god) They used to let the loonies roam around the streets! there was the one guy who used to dress up like james brown, he was black and would wear like fur boots with shorts in the middle of the summer. Well this is off topic but one time me and my friend went to take the bus to the mall over here, and all these loonies got on the bus! they let them ride the public busses as long as they were home in time. IT WAS THE SCARIEST ride of my life LOL. One of the guys sat right behind me and kept like putting his head over so he could look over the seat and he just kept singing and singing! and rubbing my head. Telling everybody else to join in. It was like the movie dream team only much, much worse.


----------



## LoverBoy (May 9, 2007)

Let him know your not interested and move seats next time. Remember you have control of the situation. Getting off the bus is a bit much.


----------



## sonya99 (Sep 5, 2005)

Futures said:


> The problem is your SA made it a really uncomfortable situation, which is completely understandable. A normal person probably would strike a conversation in return, but with SA, we always react a lot differently.


I get the impression that many women without SA would have felt uncomfortable too.

Maybe that dude will get the clue after a couple more tries (since he seems pretty dim) that such behavior upsets women rather than makes them want to get to know ya. But maybe he is a "creep" and would rather enjoy a bus ride squished up against a women even though he knows it's a one-in-a-million chance that she will respond positively. I don't really know.


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Little Miss Scare-All said:


> embers said:
> 
> 
> > You are one in a million miss. Maybe there are a lot of gals like that, just guys don't affect me like that. Gotta build an attraction for me. Otherwise its just like a slab of beef (his arm) against mine. No chills, no nothin. Even if it was Johnny Depp.
> ...


Okay, maybe nicholas cage, he and I already have a connection. He just has to look over at me and i'd be his. :mushy


----------



## R (Jun 13, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*

He can sit wherever he wants, but so can you! just move next time. It's not rude and it's none of his business why you moved anyway.



SilentProphet said:


> Then again i live right by this HUGE insane aslyum/Pyshiatric center that closed down years ago( thank god) They used to let the loonies roam around the streets! there was the one guy who used to dress up like james brown, he was black and would wear like fur boots with shorts in the middle of the summer. Well this is off topic but one time me and my friend went to take the bus to the mall over here, and all these loonies got on the bus! they let them ride the public busses as long as they were home in time. IT WAS THE SCARIEST ride of my life LOL. One of the guys sat right behind me and kept like putting his head over so he could look over the seat and he just kept singing and singing! and rubbing my head. Telling everybody else to join in. It was like the movie dream team only much, much worse.


Thats how it is where I live too!!! But everyone here is on drugs lol.


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

This happened to me on a Greyhound bus. It was a six hour trip or something. He was asking me so many questions. I could tell that he really, really liked me. 

It's weird though when your on the bus and then you fall asleep and then some sweet looking guy is sitting next to you when you open your eyes. (Then you think oh God please help me and your freaking out) Even if a hot looking guy is sitting next to me and his arm brushes against mine it's not cool. 

I stare at guy's that I like to, but only when they are not looking.


----------



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

> mechagirl, you said the guy on the bus tried to talk to you. He didn't just stare


He didn't try to talk until after he needlessly smushed himself against me which made me uncomfortable & that already gave me a bad impression of him. Anyway my post about staring wasn't related to this incident but Ive had countless others where guys stared at me in very blatant manner, & since staring was mentioned I thought I should post about that....



> BTW, you need to change your age -- it shows 32 under your name.


I know, thnx for reminding me, I keep forgetting



> However, I'm sure if he was an attractive guy, and around your age, you probably wouldn't mind


No, I dont care what he looked like. He could have been attractive...This guy wasn't unattractive (just looked too young to me). it would still make me uncomfortable...I have severe SA around men, any guy makes me nervous. Even if this guy had decided to sit in the seat in front of me & flirt from there I would have been very uncomfortable & he would have seen that i would've given off vibes that I wasn't interested. But he did something even worse, he blatantly invaded my privacy. In the former scenario I would have been uncomfortable but not angry at the guy, Im aware guys like to flirt even though I hate it. But the later scenario which is what actually happened just made me angry & frustrated as well as uncomfortable.



> Sorry ladies, if the seat next to you is the only one available, I'm sitting there. Your discomfort is your problem.


I have no problem if the bus is packed & a guy has to sit next to me. Ive taken the bus for years now & Ive had men sit next to me in a crowded bus hundreds of times, & it rarely makes me uncomfortable b/c the men almost never give off those creep vibes that make me feel vulnerable...they respect my space just like anyone would when having to sit next to someone when other seats are unavailable. However when a bus is half empty or almost empty its a totally different thing, there's no excuse for one to sit right next to the other person unless they want something...JMHO...



> oh florida! that explains it !


Yes, & Miami of all places...I pretty much live in machismo central...so I have to put up with this more than usual... :sigh


----------



## Laura (Nov 12, 2003)

...


----------



## whiteclouds (Mar 18, 2004)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Futures said:


> The guy doesn't sound THAT bad. If he was really a creap or whatever, he'd would've been making sexually suggestive remarks toward you.
> 
> He was just interested in you, that's all. The entire universe would be single if people never at least tried to pick up a girl. The problem is your SA made it a really uncomfortable situation, which is completely understandable. A normal person probably would strike a conversation in return, but with SA, we always react a lot differently.


 :agree

It's not just guys that do this. I've done this too! There was a cute guy at McDonalds--we made eye contact, then I took my lunch and sat near him, thinking we'd strike up a pleasant conversation. Turns out, the guy wasn't thinking the same thing as me. He picked up his tray and walked away. :lol It's possible he had SA, but it's also possible that he wasn't in the mood for talking, or maybe we didn't have the connection I thought we had.

It's a bold move, to approach a stranger and talk. There's always the risk that it won't work out, but sometimes, it does work out--especially if the two people have chemistry and are interested in each other, right off the bat. Of course, you won't know unless you try.

*Edit:* Oops, I guess my situation was different than yours. I did not rub against this guy, or make any physical contact. I just sat nearby. I think rubbing someone is a little too strong, for a first move.


----------



## GaSS PaNiCC (Mar 27, 2007)

Guys like this should be shot, as im assuming he thought he was the **** trying to make a move. As there are plenty of other ways to address females rather then just assuming by sitting next to you hes gonna score. Not all guys are like this, but im assuming he was a "******" or someone of that personality or image. Seems as if they think they own the world. *SIGH*


----------



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



GaSS PaNiCC said:


> Not all guys are like this, but im assuming he was a "******" or someone of that personality or image. Seems as if they think they own the world. *SIGH*


HAHAHAHA

That situation would've made me uncomfortable too...and angry. You don't have to sit right next to a person when there are other seats and I'm pretty sure he was trying to hit on you. I just find the whole thing annoying. I'm glad I don't have to use public transportation, there are always some creeps and A-Holes lurking about.


----------



## emptybottle (Jan 3, 2005)

I get teenagers and creepy old men hitting on me on the bus too, and it's annoying. I say as little as possible and look at a book or out the window the whole time, so they can take a hint and stop talking to me. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be annoyed if the guy were my age and at least a little bit attractive... I take the train all the time, where there are lots of attractive guys, and that's when I always wish someone would approach me or put the moves on me or something. But it never happens.


----------



## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

Thats crazy tho that some guys have the balls to even do that. I guess they don't care? and try to hit on a girl by grabbing up on her on the bus. It's pretty wrong. Here i am even afraid to make eye contact with any hot girls or not even talking to them and then you have guys like that, who have no morals and just put themselves out there like that. You should have sprayed him with some mace.


----------



## nothing_to_say (Nov 21, 2006)

emptybottle said:


> I get teenagers and creepy old men hitting on me on the bus too, and it's annoying. I say as little as possible and look at a book or out the window the whole time, so they can take a hint and stop talking to me. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be annoyed if the guy were my age and at least a little bit attractive... I take the train all the time, where there are lots of attractive guys, and that's when I always wish someone would approach me or put the moves on me or something. But it never happens.


Do you really want a complete stranger (even one you find attractive) to approach you in that way, out of the blue on a train ?

And how does a guy know if they're attractive to you in the first place, and it's ok to approach ? Is there a sign posted.


----------



## Inturmal (Jan 15, 2006)

I'm reminded of the "how to avoid sexual harrasment" SNL skit..
Step 1. Be handsome.
Step 2. Be attractive.
Step 3. Don't be unattractive.


----------



## SilentProphet (Jun 1, 2007)

LOL!


----------



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Two good points on romantic encounters / dating I am taking away from this thread: 1) To respect personal space and talk to people like a friend or a relative UNTIL I have a reason to change the vibe 2) In order to meet new people, I have to take some risk. Men are culturally expected to be the ones taking the risk - it sucks, but thats the way it is, I just gotta deal with it. The risk is, I might be rejected or creep them out. Thats why (1) is a good idea because then it is less creepy. Practice (1) so I learn what creeps people out, then don't do it.

The guy was a bit silly. He hemmed you in by sitting next to you when he could have sat anywhere - thats a creepy vibe "I need to block you in because I'm probably not going to get anywhere if you're free to move". Creepy Vibe 1.

Then ignoring his own creepy action, he talks about the weather ... the two don't 'fit', it isn't what people do! "Aha I have my quarry trapped and now I will woo her with my conversational skills... stand back, pimp daddy in progress!.. Ahh, warm, isn't it?" Creepy vibe 2. If he wanted to talk about the weather he coulda done it from another seat, I dunno, got up to open a window and gone 'man its hot!!' and then judged if you were at all interested in speaking i.e you reply. He showed quite a lack of respect and some quite appalling social skills, which goes to show you can have poor social skills and not feel bad about it!

Having said that, I expect a lot of my attempts to break out of my SA and speak to girls I like have come off equally odd. Once the anxiety gets moving I get that out of body thing going on and my mouth just forms whatever words it feels like. Sometimes I wish it would use arabic. Or welsh. Anything that can't be understood :lol 

Ross


----------



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

^ well Im glad to know that a few guys here agree that the guy was out of line, I thought maybe *I* was overacting as I tend to be quite serious about things...also wonder if that earlier moment when i looked at him briefly in line maybe gave him the idea I was showing interest. Of course now it just makes me feel that I cant look at guys in the eye for fear that theyll take things the wrong way...sheesh.

well today while I was getting my meds at the pharmacy & talking to the pharmacist, there was an old (were talking like 60's-70's) man in a fancy suit who, when I turned around to leave said I was very beautiful & he was glad he had the chance to stand behind me so he could see witness beauty or some lovey dovey romantic thing like that. :um um, I didnt know what to think, I kind a just grinned and said thank you as I took my cart & walked away...I wasnt bothered by this as the incident earlier with the guy in the bus, just kinda momentarily embarrassed.. :blush


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Wow, I guess I'm lucky.... in a way. All I typically get is car honking or a few "show me your t**ties!!" every now and then.


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

> when I turned around to leave said I was very beautiful & he was glad he had the chance to stand behind me so he could see witness beauty or some lovey dovey romantic thing like that.


No matter how they dress it up, when a man says something like this it translates to "i'm a dirty pervert and you make me horny." I don't take it as compliments anymore. They should do what Drella experiences, just ask us to show them our ta-ta's and be done with it. At least its honest.


----------



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

"SHOW ME YOUR TITTIES!" That's too funny, never had that one.

When I kinda blow a guy off (not in that way perv), then they'll go for the "Can I be your friend?" line knowing damn well they don't just want to be "friends". I tell him I don't need anymore friends. 
Naturally guys will try to use pick up lines instead of just blatantly saying "I wanna **** the sh*t outta you." Actually, a guy did say that to me before on a date and it was a major turn on. lol


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Strange Religion said:


> "SHOW ME YOUR TITTIES!" That's too funny, never had that one.
> 
> When I kinda blow a guy off (not in that way perv), then they'll go for the "Can I be your friend?" line knowing damn well they don't just want to be "friends". I tell him I don't need anymore friends.
> Naturally guys will try to use pick up lines instead of just blatantly saying "I wanna **** the sh*t outta you." Actually, a guy did say that to me before on a date and it was a major turn on. lol


This is why women are harder to understand than say, oh I dunno, quantum physics.


----------



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

Well, I speak for myself ya' know. I don't want to represent women as a whole, I'm on another level of crazy.


----------



## ott (Aug 2, 2005)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Nae said:


> This is why women are harder to understand than say, oh I dunno, quantum physics.


As a physicist I can confirm this.


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Mechagirl -- Please don't judge men because of what this guy did. He's the exception to the rule; 98% of men don't do creepy stuff like that. Sitting next to someone on a bus when seats are open all around is out of line and ridiculous even when it's two people of the same gender. This guy obviously has a problem and doesn't have a "censor" in himself to regulate his attraction to females and the way he behaves in public. 

It's normal for people to look at others they're attracted to and this extends to women looking at men as well. It's completely understandable that women don't like to be stared at and most men know this. If a man sees a pretty woman in public he's going to look (and vice versa with women looking at men) but the great majority of men have class and make their glance inconspicuous, as if they're looking in the normal course of their head movement. Most men don't want to make women feel uncomfortable and so don't stare at women.


----------



## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

I am so angry you had to go through this. I am angry that he made you doubt yourself and wonder if you overreacted. I am angry at the bus driver who didn't say anything even though they have a rearview mirror and see everything. It is NEVER, ever acceptable for a stranger to walk up to you and invade your personal space. It is not your fault if you made eye contact with him, or were a low-cut top, or were naked. Touching you is not flirting or showing interest, it is sexual harassment.


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Nae said:


> This is why women are harder to understand than say, oh I dunno, quantum physics.


For real, just reading some of the female responses it seems like it is a lose-lose situation for the guys being flirtatious in a lot of situations. Generalizations are a ***** eh


----------



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

For me, I think it's just guys who come on too strong. That's a turn off. If a guy is sincere, I'm very nice. I may not be interested in getting to know him for some reason and I'll kindly decline.


----------



## Vintz (Apr 22, 2007)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Strange Religion said:


> For me, I think it's just guys who come on too strong. That's a turn off.





Strange Religion said:


> "I wanna **** the sh*t outta you." Actually, a guy did say that to me before on a date and it was a major turn on.


Hehehe, I'm a sucker for irony.


----------



## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Vintz said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> > For me, I think it's just guys who come on too strong. That's a turn off.
> ...


Hehehe, I'm a sucker for irony.[/quote:6b2cc]

Hang around women long enough and you'll get your fill.


----------



## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



srschirm said:


> Vintz said:
> 
> 
> > Strange Religion said:
> ...


Hang around women long enough and you'll get your fill.[/quote:5b6c3]

:lol


----------



## Vintz (Apr 22, 2007)

Also, ladies: you can't have your cake and eat it too (even though you do get your cake, and also eat it... how does it feel to secretly run the world?)

If a guy is allowed a 2.5 second window of opportunity to chat with you (once you give him the appropriate body language, that he is most likely blind to, btw) than why do you complain when a cute guy doesn't chat you up in a public setting?


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

emptybottle said:


> I get teenagers and creepy old men hitting on me on the bus too.


three places you'll find creepy people

the library
the bus
wal-mart

trust me, i know this. i always take the bus when i go to the library or wal-mart


----------



## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

ShyFX said:


> I'm sorry you had to go through that. See, this is why I never approach women, aside from having SA of course. I just assume none of them are interested and that they don't want to be bothered. The last thing I want to do is make a stranger feel uncomfortable. Even if _she_ is the one staring at _me_.


Yeah that's how I feel. You can try but most of them are immediately going to have negative feelings in their head along with a defense barrier up. Combine that with our social conversing troubles and you're pretty much guaranteed to get shut down. Then if you happened to cross a friendly nice girl more than likely she is going to have lots of guys liking her and on a ranking system sa puts us at the bottom. I should be careful here, it's not so much the sa or anxiety itself it's the inability to communicate socially interact like most people. Pretty much a lose lose regardless of the personality type you cross when trying to get a date, a number, or a kind smile, lol.


----------



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



srschirm said:


> Vintz said:
> 
> 
> > Strange Religion said:
> ...


Hang around women long enough and you'll get your fill.[/quote:d614e]

if a guy I dont know well ever says "I wanna **** the sh*t outta you." to me I would be horrified. Doesnt matter what he looks like. You see my anxiety & fear during social situations is so bad that it doesnt matter who is talking to me, Id be too terrified to react properly...also Im just used to being alone so anyone showing any sort of interest in me immediately causes me to feel defensive & want to put up my shields. Im just not used to it... :|


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Gumaro said:


> three places you'll find creepy people
> 
> the library
> the bus
> wal-mart


It's true, it's true. That's where we go.

It scares the hell out of me when someone attempts to chat me up, because I'm so socially awkward that I immediately want to run away.. not that it, uh, happens enough to even bring it up. It has nothing to do with the other person; it's my problem. I typically get shouted at rather than asked out, though. I mean.. when a guy yells dirty comments at me as I'm crossing the street or something, I'm sure he's not trying to get a date. If he is, then I must be even more clueless than I thought.


----------



## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Vintz said:


> Strange Religion said:
> 
> 
> > For me, I think it's just guys who come on too strong. That's a turn off.
> ...


Hehehe, I'm a sucker for irony.[/quote:20f8a]

HAHA, thankyou for pointing that out.

In the first quote I was talking about random guys who just walk up to me and I have no interest in them.
Hence the "If a guy is sincere, I'm very nice. I may not be interested in getting to know him for some reason and I'll kindly decline" part that you conveniently left out.

Second quote was a guy I'm genuinely interested in and we had been on a few dates, but anyway...Glad you guys had a good laugh. :b


----------



## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

Here's what a normal man might do when approaching a lady on a bus:

Makes eye contact and sits in the row across the aisle.
"Hot day, isn't it?" or some other similar conversation starter.

It's very important to pay attention to her body language at this point. This is where some men are really clueless.

She might say "Yeah..." or something and not chat much, or she might be willing to chat more. If the conversation gets going and you're pretty sure she's interested in you (and not just being polite) THEN it is acceptable that he move into the seat next to her, while making sure to keep the conversation going. Before exiting the bus he gives her his phone number and offers to take her out sometime.

A strange man should _never_ sit directly next to a woman if there are plenty of other seats available, not to mention he should not sit so close that his entire side of his body is touching the woman. This is total creep behavior in American society.


----------



## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

So basically the title of this thread is "wtf, why do guys try to pick up on women?".

Really, thats all he was trying to do. Random situations like this is a pretty common way that couples meet. Its weird, you often see threads like "no guy shows interest in me". And then you see a thread like this, where you basically say he was borderline harassing you because he was trying to make conversation with you and your arms touched. WOW. You should feel flattered, even if you werent interested. 

But like you said, even if you were interested you would be to socially anxious to realize it. I just cant believe that you think something he did was wrong. The way i see it, all that happened was you unintentionally mislead him when you made eye contact with him. He liked what he saw and took what he thought was an opportunity to try to get to know you. To bad for him.


----------



## Madmonkeypoo (May 3, 2004)

I had something like this happen to me too. I take the same train all the time to get to work. Usually the regulars sit in the same areas/seats unless a "newbie/one-time rider" gets to it before them. The trains are two stories and can hold at least 100 people per car. I always sit up top in a 4 seat plot with a table so I can do my work. 

For some reason this time my car was damn near empty. There's a weird old guy that always gets on one stop after I do and he usually sits downstairs. Well this particular day he comes upstairs, sees me, and plops down right across from me. Right away I have the "wtf, why are you here?" look on my face. I look at the empty 4plot-table seats directly across from us, look around at all 50 empty 2plotter-seats on the rest of the train and look at him. He's totally avoiding all eye contact by looking around and shutting his eyes. (I guess if he does that I won't know he's really there???) He's not taking the hint however my stop is coming up in the next 10 minutes, so I decide to bare it and keep working. Now he's opening his eyes and looking around and keeps playing with his belt buckle.... and plays... and plays... I'm ignoring it and working... in no way are my eyes even drifting from the pages in my book.

Stop comes, I fly off the train. This was last month.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Xplash said:


> So basically the title of this thread is "wtf, why do guys try to pick up on women?".
> 
> Really, thats all he was trying to do. Random situations like this is a pretty common way that couples meet. Its weird, you often see threads like "no guy shows interest in me". And then you see a thread like this, where you basically say he was borderline harassing you because he was trying to make conversation with you and your arms touched. WOW. You should feel flattered, even if you werent interested.
> 
> But like you said, even if you were interested you would be to socially anxious to realize it. I just cant believe that you think something he did was wrong. The way i see it, all that happened was you unintentionally mislead him when you made eye contact with him. He liked what he saw and took what he thought was an opportunity to try to get to know you. To bad for him.


You have got to look at it from a female perspective. For us lonely guys, being willfully touched by anyone is welcome. But for women, it is a potential threat to their security. In the situation described above, the guy falsely assumed that the woman was interested in him, despite only making brief eye contact, which tells nothing (sometimes I find myself accidentally staring at a guy because of his weird hairdo or shirt, it's not that I'm attracted to him). He came on to her too closely too fast. He should have tried to read the signs first, first sit across from her and talk, if she is welcoming, then sit next to her, then maybe if she really likes him, then he can rub up to her. But he did all that all at once.

I'm sure that for us lonely guys, if it was a woman who did that, even if she wasn't particularly attractive, we would be thrilled. But from the perspective of women, most of whom at least occasionally get random unwanted male attention, they have to always be careful that they don't lead on a man that they don't want, who could end up threatening their personal security. So something thrilling for us is frightening for them.


----------



## embers (Dec 19, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



vincebs said:


> Xplash said:
> 
> 
> > So basically the title of this thread is "wtf, why do guys try to pick up on women?".
> ...


wow! you totally get it.


----------



## Xplash (Sep 28, 2005)

Dont you realise how close together the seats on the bus are? All you have to do it sit down next to someone and you are basically on top of them anyway. But either way, he never touched her in an inappropriate place. I think you are over analysing the situation. The guy digged her and was probably trying to make a conversation which led up to him asking her on a date. Not a big deal. No reason to think that his intentions were worse.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*

deleted useless post


----------



## Airick10 (May 10, 2007)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Strange Religion said:


> Naturally guys will try to use pick up lines instead of just blatantly saying "I wanna **** the sh*t outta you." Actually, a guy did say that to me before on a date and it was a major turn on. lol


I've heard a lot of truth to this. Not saying all, but a good handful of girls would agree. Simple and straight to the point.


----------



## jane (Jan 30, 2006)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



Xplash said:


> So basically the title of this thread is "wtf, why do guys try to pick up on women?".
> Really, thats all he was trying to do. Random situations like this is a pretty common way that couples meet.


This was not a pickup!! This was sexual harassment.

Guys, don't frickin' pretend like you can't tell the difference between appropriate and non-appropriate behaviour.

And no, it doesn't matter if the man is good looking or not. Do you think this would make a difference if a woman were raped?


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



jane said:


> Guys, don't frickin' pretend like you can't tell the difference between appropriate and non-appropriate behaviour.


I was just thinking about this. Purposely sitting next to a girl you don't know to the point that a part of you is actually touching her is obviously some sort of faux pas. I don't care who you are or what you look like.. male or female.. I don't want pieces and parts of us rubbing up next to one another on our first instance of meeting. Unless I'm paying for it... or being paid for it (two-way street).

I've been approached by a guy who first spoke to me, and then moved to sit across from me at a small table to further the conversation (He asked if he could sit before doing so). That was absolutely the right thing to do! He was very polite and did not invade my personal space.

I had another guy just take it upon himself to sit across from me at a table, and I was so freaked out by it that I immediately had to leave. That was not socially appropriate behavior. He wasn't even trying to hit on me or anything; I just don't like people doing that.

Tiny details can make all the difference. I would say this is especially true for women with severe social anxiety; you can't catch us off guard like that.

I'm also freaked out by the straight and to the point approach. I had a girl say something "blunt" to me once, and I completely avoided her from then on.


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

The thing is, men can't always tell or distinguish the appropriate and inappropriate behavior for "picking up women" in all cases, not to mention what would be deemed acceptable behavior for one woman may not be acceptable for another. This topic is proof of that.


----------



## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

Yeah, that's true. I was just trying to say that there are certain things that I think most people could agree on as being inappropriate. The original post was about some guy sitting way too close to her to the point of touching one another. I would think that common courtesy would denote that this is not appropriate behavior. I mean, I wouldn't go up to a man I find attractive, get behind him, and gently cup his buttocks. That's obviously not in the same realm as the sitting issue, but it's still inappropriate behavior. Although, I do admit that a lot of women are turned on by bizarre things. Or maybe I'm the bizarre one because I'm not turned on by these things. Either way, I do not understand women, men, the customs of courtship, or anything, in general. I'm probably completely off base, if I even make any sense at all, because I rarely know what I'm talking about.


----------



## mechagirl (Nov 12, 2003)

all I understand is what "feels" right & wrong to me...of course I have social anxiety & am not the touchy type so what might be uncomfortable to me might not to some other girl...


----------



## Stanley (May 11, 2007)

mechagirl said:


> all I understand is what "feels" right & wrong to me...of course I have social anxiety & am not the touchy type so what might be uncomfortable to me might not to some other girl...


I went to the movies today, and sat next to some girl. The place was pretty swamped though and it was the first row where I saw an available seat, so I asked her if that seat was taken, and you should've seen that dirty look she gave me and then unwilligly said yes. That wasn't you by any chance was it? :lol


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

I hate it when girls do that

how there are many girls that assume you are a creep right away without even knowing you or doing anything especially creepy.


----------



## leppardess (Nov 8, 2003)

*Re: re: WTF? why go guys do this?*



mserychic said:


> "Much of what we women hear about anger implies that showing anger means we're not 'real women.' Or, conversely, because we're women, our anger isn't real, it's not taken seriously. Our anger, we're told from day one, is either laughable or disgusting. Effectively, we're trained to fear and resent our own anger. All of you. All trained. Women are not innately good and kind and wise. We're trained that way. It can be a serious obstacle to getting what we want and need. We're conditioned. An attacker sometimes has to merely invoke that conditioning and it's as effective as a leash and muzzle." ~Nicola Griffith
> 
> This thread just reminded me of that passage. If what that guy did made you uneasy then right on for doing something about it and getting off the bus. Don't let anyone tell you yr overreacting or make you second guess yrself.


 :agree

Thanks for posting that quote, Kori :squeeze That really speaks to issues that I've had for a long time.


----------



## mserychic (Oct 2, 2004)

"Much of what we women hear about anger implies that showing anger means we're not 'real women.' Or, conversely, because we're women, our anger isn't real, it's not taken seriously. Our anger, we're told from day one, is either laughable or disgusting. Effectively, we're trained to fear and resent our own anger. All of you. All trained. Women are not innately good and kind and wise. We're trained that way. It can be a serious obstacle to getting what we want and need. We're conditioned. An attacker sometimes has to merely invoke that conditioning and it's as effective as a leash and muzzle." ~Nicola Griffith

This thread just reminded me of that passage. If what that guy did made you uneasy then right on for doing something about it and getting off the bus. Don't let anyone tell you yr overreacting or make you second guess yrself.


----------



## Wolfen (Apr 26, 2004)

> I'm sure that for us lonely guys, if it was a woman who did that, even if she wasn't particularly attractive, we would be thrilled. But from the perspective of women, most of whom at least occasionally get random unwanted male attention, they have to always be careful that they don't lead on a man that they don't want, who could end up threatening their personal security. So something thrilling for us is frightening for them.





> wow! you totally get it.


I don't like being touched by anyone, so not "TOTALLY".
Besides, if there's a free seat next to a man and one next to a woman in a bus, I go sit next to the man.
Quite sick'n tired of that "Ooh, maybe she'll like me, why don't I look at her?" crap Wolfen is. :twisted


----------



## trueshy (Nov 8, 2003)

Yikes! That situation would have freaked me out. :afr


----------

