# Showing emotions makes you weak?



## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

A lot of people I've talked to (especially guys) think that showing your emotions makes you weak. Quite a few females have mentioned this too on the forums and TV (I'm not going to pretend like I talk to a lot of people *ahem* girls)

What do you think? Why?


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

No I don't believe so, should I not cry if my dog dies then?


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## BobtheBest (Aug 27, 2011)

Showing/expressing emotions make you strong. 
Hiding emotions makes you weak.


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## Ansgar (Feb 17, 2012)

Depends on what kind of emotion we are talking about. Happiness and sometimes anger are OK. Sadness and frustration are looked down upon.


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## JenN2791 (Aug 21, 2011)

It shouldn't, but I've grown up being taught that showing any sort of emotion is unacceptable. Nowadays, I have trouble showing emotion.. and people perceive me as weak and that I have no idea how to stand up for myself (and I really don't).


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

I said no because I definitely don't think showing sadness makes you weak.
I do think that showing excessive anger in inappropriate situations means you have poor control over your actions which is kind of a weakness I guess.


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

It depends on the context - there's a time and a place for everything. 

.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Expressing emotions _when they are appropriate_, is not weak.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Okay I ask you mods, when is it not appropriate to show our emotions?


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## Jinxx (May 10, 2011)

No. We all have them. Some are better at hiding them than others but that doesn't mean that those who show theirs are weak.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Dissonance said:


> Okay I ask you mods, when is it not appropriate to show our emotions?


Maybe in certain professional situations, like a judge presiding over a trial... Other than that, though? If you're feeling it, then by all means, show it. I don't agree with the sentiment that people should hide their emotions.

As for it making you look weak: It's not about you openly displaying your emotions. It's more to do with WHY you have those emotions in certain situations to begin with. It's the "why" that can make you look weak.

The obvious comparison would be getting upset over someone's death. Is it ever weak to cry when you lose someone close to you? I don't think so. But what about the other side? Getting upset over something inconsequential? As the saying goes, "Don't cry over spilt milk" - Doing so, to me, is a sign of weakness.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Dissonance said:


> Okay I ask you mods, when is it not appropriate to show our emotions?


Not a mod obviously, but I'd say it's not appropriate to vent anger over something minor to someone who's mourning a death. Or to show that you're ecstatic about someone dying when at their funeral. Lots more that I could think of too.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Fruitcake said:


> Not a mod obviously, but I'd say it's not appropriate to vent anger over something minor to someone who's mourning a death. Or to show that you're ecstatic about someone dying when at their funeral. Lots more that I could think of too.


Very unlikely examples that you have attributed to men? Interesting.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Dissonance said:


> Very unlikely examples that you have attributed to men? Interesting.


Whaaat? I didn't attribute them to men in any way. I was giving examples of times when it is inappropriate to display certain emotions. I know they're unlikely, but you asked when it's inappropriate and those are some examples.


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

Nonsense.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

More common ones would be expressing love to someone you shouldn't express love to, showing anger with a customer if your job is in customer service, or showing extreme anger to a child and frightening them.

I'm giving these as examples of inappropriate times for men or women to express their emotions. Oh and maybe if you're trying to get into the army and you want to cry about how hard it is to the people in charge it would be inappropriate. Not weak, just inappropriate.


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## VC132 (Sep 1, 2010)

no, i'm not gonna cry and be called fake crying

as far as acting out my emotions, I don't believe in that.


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## SuperSky (Feb 16, 2011)

Showing fear is almost always perceived as weak unless it's a genuine emergency-type situation.


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## Dissonance (Dec 27, 2011)

Fruitcake said:


> Whaaat? I didn't attribute them to men in any way. I was giving examples of times when it is inappropriate to display certain emotions. I know they're unlikely, but you asked when it's inappropriate and those are some examples.


If that's the case unless someone has some deep rooted issues I don't believe people would normally laugh at someone's else's misery.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

I know they wouldn't normally, and that's partly why it's inappropriate. A lot of people have deep rooted issues.


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## xTKsaucex (Jun 23, 2010)

Showing all the time maybe perceived as weak otherwise I see it as being human.


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

Showing emotions is a strength, because with the way men have been conditioned to behave, having the courage to express your feelings in front of other people shows strength. Knowing that it isnt healthy to keep everything inside but doing so just because youre afraid of being judged as "less than a man" is pathetically weak, IMO. Living your life according to the way you _think_ others want you to behave is *weak*.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

Theologic said:


> I should have phrased this thread better because this is what I specifically wanted to ask. People will say that this emotion in particular shows weakness (fear) and I'd like to see other people's thoughts on this.
> 
> I myself see no weakness in fear but in cowardice. Fear is an instinct that should in most usual cases be there. Facing your fears takes strength and running away is where I see the weakness.
> 
> Not that I think anyone is without a handful of weakness and should therefore be ashamed if they aren't always courageous.





jsgt said:


> Showing emotions is a strength, because with the way men have been conditioned to behave, having the courage to express your feelings in front of other people shows strength. Knowing that it isnt healthy to keep everything inside but doing so just because youre afraid of being judged as "less than a man" is pathetically weak, IMO. Living your life according to the way you _think_ others want you to behave is *weak*.


These posts sum up how I think about it. Though I only think it's cowardly to avoid something you fear if you intended to do it to improve yourself or for ethical reasons or something; some scary things it's best to avoid. :>


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## northstar1991 (Oct 4, 2011)

I honestly think it takes a stronger person to show their emotions.


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## 50piecesteve (Feb 28, 2012)

i dont like to cry


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## whattothink (Jun 2, 2005)

Absolutely positively, no. In fact, i'd say it takes some strength to go against the societal stereo-types of the so-called strong alpha male. it's my birthday, i can cry if i want to


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## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

Not at all. I think its better to show emotion than hold it all in and let it eat you up inside (Like i've done)


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

Emotions help connect us all. If you're closed off, why would someone open up about their experiences if they can't trust you to as well. Certainly not weak.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

Fruitcake said:


> These posts sum up how I think about it. Though I only think it's cowardly to avoid something you fear if you intended to do it to improve yourself or for ethical reasons or something; some scary things it's best to avoid. :>


yeah i'm a coward.


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## Fruitcake (Jan 19, 2012)

andy1984 said:


> yeah i'm a coward.


Being cowardly sometimes doesn't make you a coward. Pretty much everyone is sometimes. I am too.


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## straightarrows (Jun 18, 2010)

yes, and trust me people don't about u care!!!!


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

jsgt said:


> Showing emotions is a strength, because with the way men have been conditioned to behave, having the courage to express your feelings in front of other people shows strength. Knowing that it isnt healthy to keep everything inside but doing so just because youre afraid of being judged as "less than a man" is pathetically weak, IMO. Living your life according to the way you _think_ others want you to behave is *weak*.


yeah true that. I always get the you gotta to be strong comment when I worry, scared, nervous, depressed, etc.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Reposting this because my thread was deleted:

Of all people in America, adult, white, heterosexual men have the fewest friends. Moreover, the friendships they have, if they're with other men, provide less emotional support and involve lower levels of self-disclosure and trust than other types of friendships. Compared to 1985 the number of people saying there is no one with whom they discuss important matters has nearly tripled.

Research shows that boys are just as likely as girls to disclose personal feelings to their same-sex friends and they are just as talented at being able to sense their friends' emotional states. But, at about age 15 to 16 - right at the same age that *the suicide rate of boys increases to four times the rate of girls* - boys start reporting that they don't have friends and don't need them.

What happens?

*During these years, young men are learning what it means to be a "real man." The #1 rule: avoid everything feminine*. Notice that a surprising number of insults that we fling at men are actually synonyms for or references to femininity. Calling male athletes "girls," "women" and "ladies" is a central part of motivation in sports. Consider also slurs like "*****" and "*****," which obviously reference women, but also "***" (which on the face of it is about sexual orientation, but can also be a derogatory term for men who act feminine)

*So men are pressed - from the time they're very young - to disassociate from everything feminine. This imperative is incredibly limiting for them. Paradoxically, it makes men feel good because of a social agreement that masculine things are better than feminine things, but it's not the same thing as freedom. It's restrictive and dehumanizing. It's oppression all dressed up as awesomeness. And it is part of why men have a hard time being friends.

***

To be close friends, men need to be willing to confess their insecurities, be kind to others, have empathy and sometimes sacrifice their own self-interest. "Real men," though, are not supposed to do these things. They are supposed to be self-interested, competitive, non-emotional, strong (with no insecurities at all), and able to deal with their emotional problems without help. Being a good friend, then, as well as needing a good friend, is the equivalent of being girly. *

When men get together, they're more likely to do stuff than have a conversation. Friendship scholar Geoffrey Greif calls these "shoulder-to-shoulder" friendships, contrasting them to the "face-to-face" friendships that many women enjoy. If a man does have a confidant, three-quarters of the time it's a woman, and there's a good chance she's his wife or girlfriend.

When asked about what they desire from their friendships, men are just as likely as women to say that they want intimacy. And, just like women, their satisfaction with their friendships is strongly correlated with the level of self-disclosure. Moreover, when asked to describe what they mean by intimacy, men say the same thing as women: emotional support, disclosure and having someone to take care of them.

*Men desire the same level and type of intimacy in their friendships as women, but they aren't getting it.*

Of course, not all men buy into these prescriptions for male behavior, but these expectations do influence most men's friendships at least a little bit. They mean that, to make good friends, men have to take risks. In a context in which being a man is good and being friendly is being womanly, each time a man tries to form intimate bonds with another man, he potentially loses status. Men who want truly close friends have to fight the instinct to protect their standing above all else. This isn't easy, as they've been told for a lifetime that their status as male, and their place in that hierarchy, is a significant part of why they're important and valuable human beings.

Men also have to find other men who are willing to take those risks with them. Knowing who to reach out to isn't always easy, as men often wear a masculine guise, a mask that projects masculinity and hides the things about them that are disallowed. In one study of men's experiences, one college-age man explained: "I am more of an emotional person. &#8230; I never really felt much like who I [pretended to be] because I [was]&#8230; putting my man face on."

It's tough to know who to reach out to and it takes courage to do so. Complicating things further, men can feel threatened by the initiation of intimacy and strike back to protect their own guise. Another college-age interviewee explained, "If a guy starts opening up to another guy, he will joke around like, 'You look like you are ready to make out with me.'" "I have done it," he confessed.

Finally, because men often don't have a lot of practice being a good friend, men who value friendships with other men may have to teach others how to be friends. They may have to model friendship for other men or be understanding when their friends fail them and respond with greater disclosure instead of anger or dismissal (e.g., "it hurt my feelings when you didn't call to see how my surgery went"). This calls on great emotional reserves, but it's worth it.

***

Having a friend to whom you can disclose your feelings a major determinant of well-being. People with friends are healthier. They're less likely to get common colds, to develop fatal coronary disease, to develop physical impairments or reductions in brain functioning as they age. People with friends are more likely to survive the death of a spouse without any permanent loss of vitality. Medical doctor Dean Ornish explains:

I am not aware of any other factor - not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery - that has a greater impact on our incidence of illness, and [chance of] premature death.

*Depending on which research you consult, people with good friends have a 22-60% lower chance of dying over a 10-year period.*

People with friends are happier, too. Friendship is correlated with a more joyful life. If a person is depressed, having a friend interact with them regularly is as effective at treating depression as antidepressants or therapy. In old age, friends are more important than grandchildren for maintaining morale. According to sociologist Rebecca Adams, friendship is more strongly correlated with happiness than relationships with a spouse, children, parents or siblings.

http://www.salon.com/2013/12/08/american_mens_hidden_crisis_they_need_more_friends/

The modal respondent now reports having no confidant. In 1985, they had three confidants.

http://doldtwl.asanet.org/images/press/docs/pdf/June06ASRFeature.pdf

Discuss.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

Not showing your emotions makes it very hard for people to understand you as a person. I used to try so hard not to show my emotions to the point that now I find it difficult to show my emotions. I've actually been working hard on laughing and smiling more frequently. Its so difficult!


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Many people seem to feel that emotion is the opposite of logic and therefore a weakness. Not true. Illogic is the opposite of logic, emotions are a separate entity. Being unemotional doesn't make one more logical or stronger. Just as acknowledging emotion doesn't make you less logical or weaker. Everyone has emotions, some people just try to suppress them and then it manifests itself in a negative and unhealthy way. The only issue is to not let emotions sway you to make illogical decisions in cases where that will harm you. You can acknowledge your emotions and still choose to make logical decisions in cases where emotions and logic clash. But that is not always the case. Some things can be emotionally gratifying and logical at the same time.


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## olesilentone (Jan 22, 2011)

arnie said:


> It's tough to know who to reach out to and it takes courage to do so. Complicating things further, men can feel threatened by the initiation of intimacy and strike back to protect their own guise. Another college-age interviewee explained, "If a guy starts opening up to another guy, he will joke around like, 'You look like you are ready to make out with me.'" "I have done it," he confessed.
> 
> Discuss.


This is really interesting post and something I wouldn't hesitate to disagree with. That said, I disclose quite a bit to the few male friends I have in the last few years, and often I don't think they take it in that "weird" way, but that they're not comfortable with it. Prior to the last few years I haven't really had much of any good friends so I agree from my own experience to an extent that males seek some disclosure in friendships it as much as females do. It's a sign of trust and concern, things essential to any friendship.

In regards to the original question - that emotion makes you weak, it does make you vulnerable to an extent, but it is also can be a strength to engage with others on an emotional level. It can be a risk, but saying it's a weakness or strength is odd, it is human most of all. We're not Robocops, and maybe putting on the defence mechanisms is a "weakness", but again that is a human trait too. We've become more accepting of different personality types but there seems to now be "hyper" ideals out there for both men and women to compensate.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

:blank Odd, After Earth was a good movie.

It seems the word (emotion) is commonly used to symbolize specific emotions, a sub genre. That sub genre facilitating better discussion (hate, sorrow, fear, empathy etc) Even outside of that sub genre, emotions of all kind discourage awareness once reaching the end of thier spectrum. Emotions are strength and bane.

@arnie Great post, it makes perfect sense. I like to highlight similar thinking when a person mentions the saying "women suffer most after a serious breakup within the first year while men the second." Such notes may also explain why some guys get overly attached to girlfriends (they don't disclose and express in a healthy way with their guy friends) and why some guys try to isolate women from their close girlfriends (to encourage stronger attachment).


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## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

I think it's beautiful when a man shows emotions. It shows that he's human and not just some macho unfeeling robot.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

To Arnie's Post: Its some of todays society that is crappy. Depression, anxiety, panic disorder, sleep apnea for instance is nothing but an illness not weakness. It makes me sick when friends would make it look like anything you do that doesnt look manly is considered weak. They can say whatever but they dont have chit. Just because you cant see something doesnt mean it doesnt exist. imo


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## Pierre1 (Apr 25, 2013)

Depends if your a very emotional person that makes you wreak mentally but if your not very emotional and don't show your emotions - your weak.


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## AceEmoKid (Apr 27, 2012)

Either. I see having emotions generally as a positive asset, as poor as I am at regulating and expressing mine. Emotions are important for individual survival, empathy/bonding, decision-making, and so forth. However, there is a point -- emotional instability - where emotions become a burden, a breaker of bonds....

However, seems I'm a little off track. OP seems to be talking about gendered expressions of emotion. No; showing emotion is a universal human trait. Yet idiotic gender norms continue to disrupt this natural flow of order, to the point that certain genders may fear expressing themselves for society's judgement. Suppression is worse. Let your emotions run free regardless of norms.


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## Winds (Apr 17, 2011)

I think it's not the actual emotions, but the situations that trigger them, that causes discomfort and prevents some from outwardly expressing what they feel. Showing it can be a bit hard, but having to explain your emotions is on an entirely different level of difficulty. I agree with others that believe it doesn't make you make weak. It takes a strong person with the utmost sincerity to speak from the heart. Especially when you consider that not all reactions will be a positive one.


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## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

No, that's bull****. Anger is an emotion. Being angry doesn't make one look "weak".


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## Lish3rs (May 5, 2013)

Most certainly not. For both sexes, showing them excessively in certain situations is not deemed appropriate by most people though.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Sometimes they do. It is situational. It is good to care, but don't blubber in front of people who will use it against you.


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## Raphael200 (Aug 18, 2012)

No


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

No. But it does make you vulnerable. If you let people know what hurts you, they might use it against you


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> No. But it does make you vulnerable. If you let people know what hurts you, they might use it against you


True. Which is why I strive to never let my emotions slip into view in public. Mostly.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I guess some people will be on the look out for weak points and use it against you when it comes handy. Some get off on making others cry or get angry. Bullies, sadistic people, and those with grudges. When people (couples, family, friends) fight or try to manipulate each other they use it too.


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## Alas Babylon (Aug 28, 2012)

Showing emotions doesn't make you weak, but you should still be able to control yourself.


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## Dresden (Dec 18, 2013)

Neptunus said:


> It depends on the context - there's a time and a place for everything.
> 
> .


_*Seconded. *_


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## LittleTortillaBoy (Dec 20, 2013)

Showing emotions does not make you weak.I think people who judge others because of showing emotions are wrong.


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## markwalters2 (Mar 18, 2013)

I don't think so


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## Elad (Dec 6, 2009)

like others have said it really depends on the context, and while I don't think showing emotions necessarily makes you weak I do believe it makes you more transparent, easier to read and somewhat immature.. which I guess can me seen as "weak" particularly for men.


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