# I really think I'm dead



## MobiusX

I think I might be trapped between the real world and the afterlife which is the spirit world. I am going to allow myself to believe what I believe to be true instead of what I was told by a professional. I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. I don't experience reality. The description of my symptoms are exactly as I describe them with no exaggeration. I really do see this world with my eyes as looking dreamlike 24/7. Vividness, clarity, solidness, basically what makes up the visual part of reality is what I lack. It's called derealization and I've been this way since at least age 13. Depersonalization I have also, the feeling of being detached from myself, mentally and physically. It's not an eye condition. It's not made up. I've always told myself there is a 50/50 chance it might be true, but deep inside I feel there is a paranormal explanation for my experiences. 

I think I died a long time ago and in the spirit world you are given options of how you want to live in that reality. I've chose to create a reality where I continued living, aging and for whatever reason I cannot explain I don't remember my own death. There is only one memory that is not clear to me as to what exactly happened but remember experiencing something totally different from which I was used to. I see myself crossing the street at night and everything looking very different, almost strange and foreign. What if I never made it crossing this street? What if I got hit and died there? I think I'm somehow getting closer to finding out the truth. Deep inside I can feel there is something unknown to me. It's like someone is playing a big trick on me by having me live in this FAKE reality I cannot awake from. Sorry but I'm not going to lie about it. This reality I experience every day is NOT as reality should be. I SERIOUSLY don't know if I truly exist or my surroundings. 

And I'm especially tired of the advice of " listen to your therapist, blah blah blah" Like these people have magical wands in their hands who can diagnose and treat everyone. I gave up on those fools a long time ago. If this is a mental disorder I have, I don't want to treat it. Other than the mental disorder, a paranormal explanation must be considered as a real possibility. I just want to move on to the next life. I just want to remember how I died, why I am still here, what is my purpose and how to move on to the AFTERLIFE. I don't care who thinks what, " You're crazy, dude" My response is Calm down, calm down. I always think where my physical body is buried.


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## Staticnz

It think it's important to accept your condition. If you can, or if you have. I was in denial about my depression for years, and it got me no where.

If in some fashion embracing your condition helps you, it could be a decent idea.


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## popeet

Hi Mobius,

I'm 37 and I have had derealization/depersonalization disorder since I was 19. At first I thought I was dead. Then I thought I was psychotic. Then at some points years later, I thought that I had died and didn't realize it. I thought that my spirit was stuck between worlds, or had even left my body. I don't think that so much anymore, because I don't have a spiritual solution to this problem. I don't have the resources to find someone who does, either. But I understand very well how totally ineffective therapists and even psychiatrists can be when it comes to this condition. Have you discussed the spiritual component of derealization/depersonalization at dpselfhelp.com?

There is also a delusion that people can get that they are actually dead. I think it's important to make a distinction between having that, and being a philosophical or spiritual thinker and thinking "I might actually be dead... but I'm probably not."


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## realshocks

That sounds like a scary situation there. If it wasn't for the previous post I would have mentioned something about how the nature of reality is not quite so 'solid' as we like to think. In Philosophy they call the normal, everyday acceptance of 'reality' 'Naive Realism'. Anyway, I guess that has nothing to do with how you are feeling or your problem. I wish you strength to deal with your life.


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## Otherside

Hmm, sounds scary. I experienced that one, dissociation or something, never really found out it was. Difference was I'd OD'ed on anxiety meds. It literally felt as if I was asleep or dead and I was dreaming or something. Things just didn't seem real. It's hard to belive they are when you pinch yourself and it feels almost...numb.


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## Riri11

this sounds somewhat like me, ive got into a car accident when i was 11 and felt like i died.. i did die, i actually believe that i died..


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## tieffers

Maybe you're just a quantum hologram of your dead self. Maybe it really is something like you think, and you're just existing between realities. It sounds so uncomfortable, like everything is always out of focus. I feel like this sometimes. I am so sorry for people who feel like this all the time.


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## AngelClare

If you're dead then why are you still afraid to socialize? None of this is real. If people laugh at you it doesn't matter because they're all just characters in your own mind. If you're too afraid to go out there and socialize then it's because deep down you don't believe it's a dream. If I thought this life was a dream I wouldn't care what anyone thought about me. 

If this is a dream then what are you afraid of?


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## FairleighCalm

There is a specific name for this syndome, ppl who question if things are "real" and that they believe they have died or are dead. Its fascinating. I think its called "Cotard Syndrome".


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## tiredoflife

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion Yeah it does sound like Cotard Delusion. Sorry to hear your suffering from this. I often wish I was dead but never had the thought that I really might of died.


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## MobiusX

tiredoflife said:


> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion Yeah it does sound like Cotard Delusion. Sorry to hear your suffering from this. I often wish I was dead but never had the thought that I really might of died.


it's close except they don't experience my symptoms, I just hope I'm buried somewhere nice with trees surrounding me


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## popeet

Mobius what symptoms do you have that are not associated with Cotard delusion? I'm guessing that you don't neglect your appearance or absolutely unquestioningly believe that you're dead, either. When I am dead, I hope my spirit lingers someplace nice, too. And people bring me flowers and so on.

Hm. I'm glad I read that explanation of Cotard delusion, though. Because it seems to describe partially how I experience derealization, which is my primary problem, depersonalization is secondary. Of course I don't have it, but it seems relevant. Especially because I often feel as if I don't really exist. In the beginning (1995), I thought everyone else was dead too... like we were all floating around in some kind of afterlife. I first experienced it after reading about murderers in a bookstore. I walked out of the bookstore and I was dead. It's never gone away.

The facial recognition problem with Cotard's make sense, I feel as if I can't "see." I can see, but it sort of bounces off of my eyeballs or goes straight to an unconscious processing, so I can function, instead of registering in my consciousness with associated emotions of being "known" or "existing" or being familiar. There is little to no connection to my sense of self, my sense of self is kind of absent, things (emotions, reactions) happen without me. It's as if an anesthetic were injected into my consciousness.

Then of course there are the sensory problems: palinopsia, visual snow, halos, trails, loss of depth perception, fisheye lens effect, distortions in dimensions, disintegration of recognition of objects (objects are a group of shapes instead of a recognized whole), problems locating the origin of and priority of sounds, etc.

I think mine was more OCD than delusion-- because I don't actively have a delusion that I am dead. Yet, I was completely fixated on the possibility that I was, since everything appeared so. Also, OCD can perpetuate derealization and depersonalization. 

I think a previous poster mention acceptance as important. It has been really important to accept that this is how things look now, and that I am alive. It's heartbreaking, frightening, tragic, but it's how life looks now.

I do think this is related to trauma for me. If someone has ever been afraid for her life, either via neglect or shocked by a sudden occurrence, I can see how the lines can become blurred.

In depersonalization/derealization there are generally no anatomical changes to the brain. There are functional changes, but not anatomical ones. Same with OCD I think. But with Cotard delusion, the Wikipedia article says there are anatomical changes correlated with the incidence of it. I don't think it has to be one or the other, though, maybe there is some in-between shade.


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## basuraeuropea

MobiusX said:


> it's close except they don't experience my symptoms, I just hope I'm buried somewhere nice with trees surrounding me


maybe you have cotard delusion comorbid with the preexisting disorders diagnosed.

or maybe you have some psychotic-spectrum disorder comorbid along with your preexisting disorder diagnosed.

and most importantly, perhaps, is that you may need a full psychiatric evaluation once again.


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## sara300

*i get what you mean*

I get what you mean I try to use logic but then I thinks how is this going to work if not real or actually this is a dream, or something. its gets confusing.


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## Jfisch

You can believe whatever you wish, I am one seeks to learn how others think because I can't choose a way of belief or being, without learning about the others and making a choice on my own. 

So, if this belief is something that you personally believe but dislike thats good because it means you're a thinking being. But if you just believe this in the same way being blindly accept religion then you should think into why you think these things, so you can actually start to be.


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## ShatteredGlass

I read your thread. Doesn't that mean something. I can definitely say that you are *not* dead. You probably don't believe me, but you are not dead. You seem to be experiencing some kind of confusion between life and death.

It's quite interesting that you actually think that you're dead. If you were actually dead, then, you would have seen the path to the afterlife and something to guide you there.


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## Jfisch

MadTroll153 said:


> I read your thread. Doesn't that mean something. I can definitely say that you are *not* dead. You probably don't believe me, but you are not dead. You seem to be experiencing some kind of confusion between life and death.
> 
> It's quite interesting that you actually think that you're dead. If you were actually dead, then, you would have seen the path to the afterlife and something to guide you there.


You cannot deny people's beliefs in favor of your own, because doing that means you are quick to disagree which means that you aren't willing to learn about it, therefore you can't have a an actual opinion on it.

And you seem to think it's interesting only because you can disagree with it, but to tell someone that they are wrong in believing that they maybe dead, is to say that you know and have actual proof of what it is to be dead
Which is pretty much what everyone admits they don't know, and they choose to believe in religion or something with an explanation they liked.

You may not think he is dead, but until you can prove that he is infact not, which is only possible if you can understand what it is to be dead. So unless you have proof or something, it's better for everyone if you just introduce him to the reason that you believe what you're saying and not just saying he is wrong because you believe him to be.


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## MrKappa

Religious thinking can be a little dangerous, however, yeah viking mythology, and the different planes of existence is a little historically interesting.

I've pondered the idea of infinity and mobius strip style loop backs on time and space. Deja Vu, and re-incarnations.

Derealization may be putting yourself in touch with a spiritual path.

Not so bad, however, anxiety and spirituality are difficult to wrestle together.

Finding peace with oneself through temperance or free spirit, or mediation or Buddhism may be worth spending some time with. Helped me.

Focus on your health, well being, and everything will be okay.


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## Silvermars

I'm super late to the post ,but I do understand what you are feeling I have a similar experience but I feel like I live this life more than once but the at the end ask your self if it were true if you died and so how proved it would It make you happy? Maybe right a book about your experience?enjoy your second chance


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## coeur_brise

Strangely enough, I hear death (or the afterlife, if you will) is actually more realistic and "alive" according to people who've had NDE's. I can relate. It seems like here we are stuck in a dream *and especially if you're stuck in an anxious, foggy-headed, unreal dream, that can make it all the more complicated and unreal.

Are there times when you feel more real? Like if you changed your diet or got into a fascinating activity? I personally feel like you can die while alive... figuratively, as if nothing matters anymore. As if the next action is pointless and a whole bunch of nothingness. I've been there and it sucks. I think the technical term for that is being surrounded by "negativity" and not allowing yourself to live or breathe.

There are grounding exercises you can do, but I don't know any great ones since I'm barely grounded myself.


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## Captainmycaptain

If I am not mistaken, since I experienced the same thing six months ago and was in a complete panic over it, it's very similar to what happened in "The Sixth Sense" except in that movie, he doesn't realize he's been dead the entire time until the end.


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## LAHOFF

*Similar experience*

All my life i have felt as if I have been feeling "outside of myself" I'm not in tune with my body. As a result im extremely clumsy, I feel awkward socializing, and I sometimes look too long at things such as textures trying to make sense of this reality. However, I don't feel dead. You may be in a second life, I do not deny the after life. You are here for a lesson, or maybe to teach. Do not be eager to wake up from this dream. That is all this life is after all. If you are not spiritual you may want to look into the bible. You seem perfectly normal to me.


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## MissKarlie

MobiusX said:


> I think I might be trapped between the real world and the afterlife which is the spirit world. I am going to allow myself to believe what I believe to be true instead of what I was told by a professional. I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. I don't experience reality. The description of my symptoms are exactly as I describe them with no exaggeration. I really do see this world with my eyes as looking dreamlike 24/7. Vividness, clarity, solidness, basically what makes up the visual part of reality is what I lack. It's called derealization and I've been this way since at least age 13. Depersonalization I have also, the feeling of being detached from myself, mentally and physically. It's not an eye condition. It's not made up. I've always told myself there is a 50/50 chance it might be true, but deep inside I feel there is a paranormal explanation for my experiences.
> 
> I think I died a long time ago and in the spirit world you are given options of how you want to live in that reality. I've chose to create a reality where I continued living, aging and for whatever reason I cannot explain I don't remember my own death. There is only one memory that is not clear to me as to what exactly happened but remember experiencing something totally different from which I was used to. I see myself crossing the street at night and everything looking very different, almost strange and foreign. What if I never made it crossing this street? What if I got hit and died there? I think I'm somehow getting closer to finding out the truth. Deep inside I can feel there is something unknown to me. It's like someone is playing a big trick on me by having me live in this FAKE reality I cannot awake from. Sorry but I'm not going to lie about it. This reality I experience every day is NOT as reality should be. I SERIOUSLY don't know if I truly exist or my surroundings.
> 
> And I'm especially tired of the advice of " listen to your therapist, blah blah blah" Like these people have magical wands in their hands who can diagnose and treat everyone. I gave up on those fools a long time ago. If this is a mental disorder I have, I don't want to treat it. Other than the mental disorder, a paranormal explanation must be considered as a real possibility. I just want to move on to the next life. I just want to remember how I died, why I am still here, what is my purpose and how to move on to the AFTERLIFE. I don't care who thinks what, " You're crazy, dude" My response is Calm down, calm down. I always think where my physical body is buried.


:/


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## ansiosa

I'm super late in this answer but i think it's important because i' ve been suffered with this doubt now for almost 20 years. I'm 98% sure i'm alive but this 2% are sooo difficult...It's awful "living" with this doubt because when i'm in crisis, nothing makes sense, i think my family and friends are impostors or are dead too and i feel afraid of them. If is not my real world, who they could be? what they could do with me? It's a nightmare. I make treatment with a psychiatrist who says i'm anxious and i take lots of pills every day. I'm in serch of a cure to this suffering. Have anyoune wached this movie Inception? There's this character, Maud i think, she has the doubt of she's living in a dream or in real life. It was the kind of think i experience but i think i could be dead.


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## komorikun

Interesting how this thread has been necrobumped 4 times.

03-20-2014
09-13-2015
01-12-2016
Today


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## neonknight77

Don't give up the fight. No matter what people tell you. You're still alive because you are contemplating whether you are dead yet. If you were, you wouldn't ask that question would you ;-).

Quit contemplating and live. Don't let anyone else tell you how to do that though. You're no one's property and neither are you an animal. Feel free to message me if you want to chat. Cheers mate!


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## ansiosa

In fact! But in my mind, i could be "living" in another place where no one knows that are really dead or i'm in a trap, people are faking to me in order to not discover the death. My psychiatrist have asked: so what? You can't l"live" with the doubt if you are alive or dead? What changes? Well, for me changes everything. But the AFRAID i feel of people surrounding me is the most disturbing thing. I'm ok most of the time, but i have some crisis. I don't desire this suffering to anyone. I'm in constant searching of people who stydy Cotard's syndrome. I know that is not my case, but is similar and maybe that is a way to help not only me but lot of people with dellusion caused by a doubt. Thanks for the anwers!


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## neonknight77

ansiosa said:


> In fact! But in my mind, i could be "living" in another place where no one knows that are really dead or i'm in a trap, people are faking to me in order to not discover the death. My psychiatrist have asked: so what? You can't l"live" with the doubt if you are alive or dead? What changes? Well, for me changes everything. But the AFRAID i feel of people surrounding me is the most disturbing thing. I'm ok most of the time, but i have some crisis. I don't desire this suffering to anyone. I'm in constant searching of people who stydy Cotard's syndrome. I know that is not my case, but is similar and maybe that is a way to help not only me but lot of people with dellusion caused by a doubt. Thanks for the anwers!


Cotard's syndrome involves the personal belief that one believes one's soul is lost. Correct? I'll just put it out there that your soul is not yours to begin with, but a gift from God. Think of it as a loan, forever remaining in His hand.

It seems that you have created your own prison world through your delusions. Only you can walk yourself out of what you have thought in to creation in your own mind. You feel?

Have you ever heard of the theory of Purgatory?
*"*(in Roman Catholic doctrine) a place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven."

Some food for thought. Find a faith and believe in it with all your heart. If you can't save yourself, it will.


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## GeomTech

Psshh.... Hopefully the next realm system is way better than here. I want out..... Hopefully this would be the final cycle.


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## ansiosa

In Cotards sindrome the person has no doubt of being dead, could feel without a heart or lungs, for example. I'm catholic and unfortunatelly, the faith doesn't help me yet!


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## neonknight77

ansiosa said:


> In Cotards sindrome the person has no doubt of being dead, could feel without a heart or lungs, for example. I'm catholic and unfortunatelly, the faith doesn't help me yet!


Hey mate, you spend too much time reading more about more about your problems that will reach a never ending state. You introduce doubt by the more **** you read, which loses confidence from your faith.

*Hebrew 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.*

Please do not become like this:

John 10:26 but you do not believe because you are not my sheep.


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## ansiosa

I try to keep myself in reality:
- think in the bills to pay: if i care about bills yet, maybe i'm believing i'm alive
- think in the people who loves me
- think how suicide could help someone is dead- makes no sense


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## KissFromARose777

I have a similar issue, except I remember dying. I was burned alive in a box murdered. I even know who one of my killers are. Yet I'm here still, I'm alive but I remember dying it doesn't make sense. I remember the pain and my lungs burning from the smoke I remember drifting to another existence but I drifted here. Everything is somehow different but I can't quite place it, the world isn't the same and neither is anyone I know.
I don't quite understand it.


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## arubbishusername

I often feel detached from reality. I feel like a ghost and it's probably due to shyness and decades of isolation.


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## Shy extrovert

No way... I think I'm dead too. Though sometimes I think I'm alive. I always feel like parts of my life are being played back to me even though I died a long time ago


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