# Lack of Life Experiences



## sda (Oct 23, 2011)

Hi All, 

I am in my early 30s, but I haven't had much life experiences. 

My childhood was a sheltered one. My teen and uni years my interactions with friends was just at school and only very rarely outside it. I moved out during early twenties interstate for work. Only had one or two friends from work, but did not hang out much at all. Last 3-4 years, they have moved on. So I don't really have anyone here. Only real friend I have at work is much older and married so we don't socialise outside work. 

I feel so sad, when I look at others my age. They have active social lives, goto restaurants, clubs, parties every weekend. They have had a number of relationships. Most with long term partners some married. Been overseas traveling, go skiing, gone sky diving, done postgrad studies, smoked weed, swim, play sports, watch sports. 

I just don't enjoy these activities, yet I feel I want more life experiences. A recent experience had made me think about all this. I haven't done a thing. Sure I got my job, but thats it. Even that I can barely do. 

I have stagnated. I feel incompetent, I feel sad, I feel jealous. 

How do others cope with it? Any advice?


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## Matt J (Oct 19, 2006)

My only advice is to formulate your own set of goals and give up on the comparisons, because that path is both punishing and never ending. There is always someone that has something, is something or has done something you haven't. You can literally never win. Take stock and really think about what you want to do and then set about working towards that.

When you've been heading down this path for a while, your mindset should gradually improve, and you can approach social situations with more confidence and start enjoying them, confident about your life, where your headed, and pleased to talk about it.

Also keep in mind all those experience are pretty transient. People like to post stuff on Facebook etc about all sorts of things, but lets be honest, these experiences come and go in the blink of an eye. Are they really that fulfilling, or do people just like to talk it up? 

Those are my thoughts, I'm halfway through this journey as well and I'm still pretty hopeless in many areas of my life, but the way of thinking outlined above is starting to help me. I hope it also helps you


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## jsgt (Jun 26, 2011)

sda said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I am in my early 30s, but I haven't had much life experiences.
> 
> ...


I feel like a broken record sometimes because most of the people here seem to base their own happiness off of others. My advice to these threads is always the same.

Just because Jane and John Doe have a nice house on the hill with 4 kids and a white picket fence doesnt mean you have to. It doesnt mean that you're a failure because you dont have the things they have. It doesnt mean that you're less of a person. What determines your worth is your morals and values among other things. Do you help others? Are you a genuinely caring person? ect...

Jane and John might be serial killers for all you know, but youre looking up to them only because of what you see on the outside. Who cares man! Live your life and be a good person, and dont try to live up to anyones expectations.

This is my own twisted view of your post, so it may not make any sense. :shrugs:


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## sherbert (Jun 24, 2005)

Actually, doing stuff and getting out into the world, IMO is the stuff of life that makes it worth living. Does that require a lot of money and huge commitments? I don't think so, but it does require effort. I have learned too that people don't often fully appreciate their social activities. That puts you in a good position to actually enjoy companionship and genuine friendship in a way others may take for granted. The sweets not as sweet without the bitter. The commonality to new experiences is risk and possible rejection. Obviously, if you don't push yourself to move beyond that initial discomfort, you will remain bored.


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## Knowbody (Jul 5, 2011)

What I'm beginning to realize in my short 25 yrs on this earth is that there has to be a balance. Everyone can't win unless theres a few people losing


we're the losers, things will most likely never get better and i feel like its a waste of time for me to complain nowadays.


some of us may get a lucky break and have things change, but for the large majority of us we'll be like this until the day we die.


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## pianist (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm the same age & in the same situation. what has kept me going is I found the one thing I love the most in this world (for me its the classical arts) so I save just enough money to buy tickets so that I have something to look forward too. 
I think everyone can find something they can pour their heart into, hobbies etc.
Although not a cure for me, I'm still sad 99% of the time, but when I get the tickets in the mail and I get dressed up to go I feel alive for a few hours.
hope this helps


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## sda (Oct 23, 2011)

Yes you are right I should not compare. We don't know what others are going through, or what sort of people they are. 

@jsgt, ur post definately made sense. 

Its just that my normal way of coping is not to talk about outside life with others for the most part. I talk computers with people and thats it. Then I come home and do my solitary things. 

When i get glimpses of peoples lives (as its started happening at school when I first realised people were hanging outside school with each other) I get depressed. For the most part I am ok with those things now, but its just that stressful things in life and thinking about loneliness makes me want to compare.

@sherbert, I am not actually bored. I am happy for the most part to sit by myself at home and watch TV and fiddle around with computers. 

@pianist, I think part of my problem is that computers are my hobby and my work. So when things get stressful at work I lose enjoyment of it as a hobby too. 

I should really find another hobby. 

-sda


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## bam3000 (Feb 7, 2012)

just focus on what you need to do and find out what you want to experience next and do it, i tell u a story, once this guy always push me down and laugh at me, saying i am not cool, not hot , it made me feel really bad about myself, after awhile he started asking me out, the point of the story is that ppl can be really f up from the inside, he know i was fine and use such a way to interact with me, so you really need to know in your heart are u happy with where u are at, if not u work on it , if you are ok than really dont worry about what other thinks, ppl never really truly say what they want. i think the fact u are seeing for help is pretty cool, there are so many times i thought someone really cool and turns out they are not, i feel so stupid after i found out.


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## MikeINvalid (Feb 6, 2012)

First of all. It is not too late to start. I know that there is a temptation to wallow in self-pity, because that has happened to me before. This is pretty obvious, but that doesn't help, lol.

Second. There is a lot to life out there besides things that involve being with a lot of other people. Forget the parties, etc. 

One of my most cherished memories/experiences is when I took a month off of work and traveled around the country with one friend. We did it on the very cheap by camping most of the time. I know not everyone can take that much time from a job, but it is only an example. You may have to prioritize things in order for you to get out and explore, but it sounds like it is important to you.


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## victoriangirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I try not to compare and get jealous either, but it does get tough so I can completely understand how you feel. 

But I totally agree that looking at their life will not do you any good, so it's essential that you concentrate on YOUR life. 

Think about things that you enjoy. Things that make you curious. These can be tiny things - like reading about a topic you like online, or it can be a big thing, like travelling to the city/country you always wanted to visit. And slowly works towards that bigger goal. 

A few examples from my life - I try to eat something new every single day. It gets challenging but it does get quite exciting too. In a supermarket I will pick things up that I always walked past. In a cafe I will order something that sounds 'strange'. 

Or I change the streets I take going to work. I also walk into speciality stores I know nothing about (hardware, computers, model building etc.) I look up different animal species online and am always amazed how beautiful and diverse nature is. I'll walk slowly in the rain and watch people rushing to get inside. It's quite fascinating to watch the world go by like that. 

everything is an experience, so just let your mind go free!


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## rubyruby (Jun 17, 2009)

go on a trip for one month to some place interesting or exotic. It will make you seem more interesting to other people. It will make your self esteem soar.


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