# Public Speaking



## i1suck2at3storytelling (May 7, 2011)

Yeah, yeah, I know. The fact that I would even mention public speaking as a potential triumph probably automatically excludes me from the set of people with social anxiety disorder.
But it is a triumph I relish to this day.

Six years ago, back in high school, I joined a club in which you debate and make speeches. It's called "Model United Nations." In my freshman year, although I was socially awkward and rarely knew what to say in conversations, I found that I could actually make decent presentations in class by capitalizing on my inability to speak effectively. It was counter-intuitive, but the fact that I couldn't speak well sometimes made me seem like I was a good speaker. I would begin by stuttering. Then I would choke in front of the class, pause for ten seconds trying to figure out what to say. But then I'd come back with something witty, taking the situation less seroiusly. Everyone would laugh, and I would go with the momentum and make a brilliant comeback that randomly made references to previous classmates' presentations. Brilliant connections that nobody expected, not even me. 

That notion of allowing yourself to let the moment become awkward and tense, and then releasing it suddenly in the form of humor seemed like a powerful idea to me, and I wanted to explore it further since it seemed applicable to conversations in general.

So anyways, in junior year, I joined this club.
At first, my first speeches were so awkward and terrible that I can't even describe them.

I kid you not. The first topic in this club was about Israel and Palestine. 
For some reason, during the speech, I just choked. Then I began proposing to a guy to marry me in a joking way. I have no idea what I was thinking or I was talking about that made me do that. It was so awkward.:no

I wanted to quit the club right then and there. But I figured if I quit, then everyone would know I quit because I made a complete dumbass out of myself. So I should wait it out at least a couple weeks before I quit so as to not make the connection so obvious.

But then during that period of time, I began reading book after book and website after website about communication, persuasion, shyness, public speaking, etc.

I began observing those people in the club who were masters of communication. Their intuition about people and communication, their confidence, their ability to speak so eloquently and without hesitating, I wanted that.

I decided not to quit. 

As the months progressed, I got better and better. There were times when I stagnated, or even reverted back to my old self.
There were some times when I just choked a minute into a speech, had no idea what I had just said, I would pause for like 15 seconds, all eyes on me, and my eyes would begin to tear up as I walked back to my seat, shaking my head, head down.

But even then I felt as if I had to continue as if my life depending on it, so I did.

I got better and better. I used my weaknesses into an advantage. My "chokes" became "intentional pauses" followed by a rhetorical technique using repetition. I was still afraid of informal caucuses, which is where you'd get up and form groups and chat within the groups about your assigned country's policy. I could make speeches fine, but I just wasn't assertive enough to say anything during these informal caucuses. But eventually, I was delivering speeches well enough to get noticed within the committee, so that other people would want to know more about my country's policy and would want for me to be included in their UN resolutions.

About year and a half after I began, I started getting award after award.
I remember the very first time at a Model UN conference I got rapporteur with my partner, which is like the "Most Popular Speaker Award" for the committee of about 50 people. It was surreal. We had to make a speech to everyone at the conference, at which there was maybe 500-1000 there in that auditorium.

Now, everyone expects rapporteur speeches to be funny.
But my partner and I had no idea what to say. We hadn't prepared anything during the lunch intermission.
She goes up to the mic, and I'm hoping she does most of the talking. But she's also nervous and says, "Well, I'm not that funny, so ... here's my partner." I just stare blankly at her, shaking my head, whispering, almost begging her to continue speaking. She shakes her head and says, "I don't know what to say." I say, "Me neither." I have no idea what to say. She has no idea what to say. Anyone in that auditorium could sense the fear coming from our faces. A failure of a rapporteur speech coming up.

I slowly walk up to the podium. My lips approach the mike. Pause for three seconds. Look down. Gotta think fast. I take out a piece of paper from my pocket, notes from the conference. I know there's no speech written on it anywhere. I say into the mike, "Well um, are rapporteur speeches supposed to be funny?" Look up. Smile. Begin unfolding the paper. Look down at the paper. Look up, smile at the center of the room. Look down at the paper confused. Look up and try to smile at the corners of the room. Smile fades from face. Then look at the conference judges. Then look back down confused and terrified. Then back at the audience. Then at the judges. Then back at audience. Then back at paper. Then back at audience. "Oh." Fold back paper. Put it into pocket.
Walk off stage shaking head in disgust.

Crowd goes wild. Standing ovation. 
We both walk off the stage laughing. 

Seconds later, I go back to the podium, ask everyone to sit back down.
I say, "This would simply be a wasted opportunity if I don't take this time to say something meaningful." I pause. "Rapporteur speeches are meant to be funny. And I think we've fulfilled that part. But now I want to say something serious. ... I think a lot of us in here are going after awards. We're going after committee awards much more than trying to learn something meaningful from this experience. Fuel for growth. Insights about life and about yourself. I think it'd be a shame to waste two days here, hours back at home, months of preparation, to have it for the sole purpose of attaining awards. Those insights will be what's important in the long run. Afterall, none of us will even care about these awards when we're on our deathbeds." The audience laughs. "No, I'm being serious." Smile. The audience laughs even more. "No.. hold on, what's so funny? Am I trying to crack jokes here? No one of you in here wishes to be buried with a gavel (which is the most prestigious award given), with a gavel clutched in your hands." Crowd starts laughing hysterically again. I'm like, "No, I'm serious." "Hey... Wait hold on..." ..."Alright you know what? Whatever." I storm off the stage in disgust. 
Crowd goes wild. Standing ovation again.

...
I need to reminisce about these better times instead of dwelling on my current mistakes. I can still recall those experiences and use them as a memory to boost my confidence when I need a boost. I'm not where I want to be in terms of being comfortable talking to new people or being in groups, but I think memories like these can serve as baseline triggers from which I can tap into.


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## Cutman (Jan 8, 2011)

Amazing. I want to be at the level you are at. Public speaking is one of my last two hurdles in destroying SA. Some people in my SA group go to Toast Masters to practice giving speeches. Haven't had the guts to do it yet.


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## i1suck2at3storytelling (May 7, 2011)

Go for it man. No matter what happens, you'll learn a lot about speaking and about yourself just by going through it. 
For me, those presentations in English class freshman taught me that even if you choke, and even if you mess up badly, it's still possible to turn it around into a brilliant comeback. Later in the club, I learned that intentional pauses actually make you seem more credible and thoughtful as a speaker (although initially I was pausing because I forgot what I was saying or I became too nervous to speak and needed to catch my breath). I learned that if you glance around the room slowly, maybe into a few people's eyes or above people's heads or look to the side when you pause, you will seem like you know what you're doing. If you look down at your paper or your notes while you pause, then the effectiveness of the pause is reduced though. 

And if you repeat a phrase two times after pausing for five seconds, it will seem like you paused intentionally in order to emphasize a point.


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## peach123 (Dec 13, 2010)

i1suck2at3storytelling said:


> Yeah, yeah, I know. The fact that I would even mention public speaking as a potential triumph probably automatically excludes me from the set of people with social anxiety disorder.
> But it is a triumph I relish to this day.
> 
> Six years ago, back in high school, I joined a club in which you debate and make speeches. It's called "Model United Nations." In my freshman year, although I was socially awkward and rarely knew what to say in conversations, I found that I could actually make decent presentations in class by capitalizing on my inability to speak effectively. It was counter-intuitive, but the fact that I couldn't speak well sometimes made me seem like I was a good speaker. I would begin by stuttering. Then I would choke in front of the class, pause for ten seconds trying to figure out what to say. But then I'd come back with something witty, taking the situation less seroiusly. Everyone would laugh, and I would go with the momentum and make a brilliant comeback that randomly made references to previous classmates' presentations. Brilliant connections that nobody expected, not even me.
> ...


Very admirable post, congratulations on your success!!! I have joined and rejoined Toastmasters and after I graduate from college, I want to rejoin Toastmasters, I found that it did help me in work, social and every life situation from giving an impromptu speech and being comfortable in knowing what to say to just making small talk everyday. In order for me to improve my social anxiety, I have to practice on a daily basis and Toastmasters helped me get that practice.


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