# How do you manage your bodily needs in the absence of your partner?



## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Is it masturbation?


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

Go out and bang every willing person available before they get back.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

:con


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

Isn't it obvious lol


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

I think it feels so odd once you have knocked your partner, you can't masturbate Just like that. 


It feels like you are doing something 


Uncanny.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Kalliber said:


> Isn't it obvious lol


What's obvious that your partner is away ?


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

Uh, WALK to the toilet instead of being carried. 



8)


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

scooby said:


> Go out and bang every willing person available before they get back.


Thanks for using the word "willing" or It would have meant something totally different.

Which in this case is a very

Controversial matter.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

diamondheart89 said:


> Uh, WALK to the toilet instead of being carried.
> 
> 8)


Ladies 1st.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

sasdawg said:


> What's obvious that your partner is away ?


Oh yes totally


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

sasdawg said:


> Thanks for using the word "willing" or It would have meant something totally different.
> 
> Which in this case is a very
> 
> Controversial matter.


Well yeah, I can't go around banging people who aren't willing. I'd get punched in the nose and get arrested and thrown in jail.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

scooby said:


> Well yeah, I can't go around banging people who aren't willing. I'd get punched in the nose and get arrested and thrown in jail.


I hope the word people means your exact opposite gender.

Sorry don't wanna sound homophobic

or against any particular orientation.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Kalliber said:


> Oh yes totally


Get to the toilet yourself instead of being carried.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

sasdawg said:


> I hope the word people means your exact opposite gender.
> 
> Sorry don't wanna sound homophobic
> 
> or against any particular orientation.


You can hope that if it makes it easier for you. I don't mind.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

I spend my time carving statues in honor of my absent queen.


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## Kalliber (Aug 18, 2012)

sasdawg said:


> Get to the toilet yourself instead of being carried.


What lol


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

The Coolest said:


> I spend my time carving statues in honor of my absent queen.


Carving blessed body parts of your Queen? So that they can be of some use when you miss her?


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Kalliber said:


> What lol


I'm just quoting some gentle lady above in this thread.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

Lol.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

She is to arrange for a replacement female, of equal or greater value than herself, who shall satisfy my needs while she is gone. At the conclusion of the period of absence, I shall be given the option of reverting to the original female, or continuing with the replacement female, in which case the original female's obligations to me shall cease, unless she exercises her option to stay on a month-to-month basis as my secondary female, in which case I shall be contractually bound to provide her with an item of fruit every day of each whole month for which she exercises said option.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I don't actually have these (I'm not joking.) I only have emotional ones.

I'm assuming you mean what I think you mean, otherwise lololol. No I have no needs though, I'm a vampire obviously.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)




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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Ape in space said:


> She is to arrange for a replacement female, of equal or greater value than herself, who shall satisfy my needs while she is gone. At the conclusion of the period of absence, I shall be given the option of reverting to the original female, or continuing with the replacement female, in which case the original female's obligations to me shall cease, unless she exercises her option to stay on a month-to-month basis as my secondary female, in which case I shall be contractually bound to provide her with an item of fruit every day of each whole month for which she exercises said option.


Well my primate friend you need grammar and sentence making classes.

Hope you find some evolved primate teacher in your under evolved primate world.

And yeah don't end up flaunting that 98% genetic similarity with your teacher!


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

This thread is beautiful.


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## CrimsonTrigger (Jun 28, 2011)

I look at pictures of Nicki Minaj. Takes away the desire instantly.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

CrimsonTrigger said:


> I look at pictures of Nicki Minaj. Takes away the desire instantly.


Come on that's all plastic my friend take a look again you'll be

Puking.

Well after taking a 2nd look I think you meant the same thing.


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## KelsKels (Oct 4, 2011)

AngelClare said:


> Uhh...OK...here is a pic to kill your desire instantly.


She has a picture of herself on her phone? What in the...? :sus


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## crimeclub (Nov 7, 2013)




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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

The same way you managed without a partner.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

changeme77 said:


> The same way you managed without a partner.


walk yourself to the toilet instead of being carried!

And ladies 1st.


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## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

sasdawg said:


> walk yourself to the toilet instead of being carried!


Is your partner the booze?

:sus


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

changeme77 said:


> Is your partner the booze?
> 
> :sus


hey sshh.....i tell ya wat there ain't no partner in my pocket....i am just ticklin the couplez...hehehe


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Visit your local sperm bank and get paid to do God's work.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

arnie said:


> Visit your local sperm bank and get paid to do God's work.


Oh good idea arnie I see the monkees happy.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

Anyone wants a singer now?


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## cinnamonqueen (Jun 7, 2013)

I assume so......


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

I apply peanut butter on my penis and go trolling for stray cats and dogs.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

The Coolest said:


> I spend my time carving statues in honor of my absent queen.


That sounds interesting.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

As for me I buy myself various silver jewelry things, small and elegant ones.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> As for me I buy myself various silver jewelry things, small and elegant ones.


and What does it have to do with sexual urges?


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## DottedLine (Dec 13, 2013)

The Coolest said:


> I spend my time carving statues in honor of my absent queen.


:haha How romantic and uncreepy.


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## DottedLine (Dec 13, 2013)

I'm going to be the killjoy that puts the dampner on all the sexy talk but your thread title to me looks more like a question on how one might excavate ones bowels or urinate in a loved one's absence.


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## urbancoyote (Dec 10, 2013)

sasdawg said:


> and What does it have to do with sexual urges?


Keeps her mind off them, I would assume


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## sanspants08 (Oct 21, 2008)

sasdawg said:


> I think it feels so odd once you have knocked your partner, you can't masturbate Just like that.
> 
> It feels like you are doing something
> 
> Uncanny.


Actually I totally can. And it'll probably be better with my hand than my partner, because I don't have to wear a condom with my hand.

TMI? :teeth. Yeah probably.


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

sasdawg said:


> and What does it have to do with sexual urges?


It is a substitute of it on the emotional level.


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> It is a substitute of it on the emotional level.


Oh and I thought you gonna use it for something else.


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## mrbeansuperman (Nov 30, 2013)

Ape in space said:


> She is to arrange for a replacement female, of equal or greater value than herself, who shall satisfy my needs while she is gone. At the conclusion of the period of absence, I shall be given the option of reverting to the original female, or continuing with the replacement female, in which case the original female's obligations to me shall cease, unless she exercises her option to stay on a month-to-month basis as my secondary female, in which case I shall be contractually bound to provide her with an item of fruit every day of each whole month for which she exercises said option.


Women price themselves out of the market these days. An item of fruit for some :boogiesounds about right.


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## mrbeansuperman (Nov 30, 2013)

diamondheart89 said:


> Uh, WALK to the toilet instead of being carried.
> 
> 8)


Took me a little bit but I finally got it. :idea


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## thirdcoming (Jun 29, 2013)

you are not going to die if you don't do it for a couple of weeks btw


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## eveningbat (Jan 21, 2013)

sasdawg said:


> Oh and I thought you gonna use it for something else.


What do you mean?


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## sasdawg (Dec 14, 2013)

eveningbat said:


> What do you mean?


aba aba bubu baba bubu

Nufffn errrrmmmm nuffn at all...just playn wid words...hehehe


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## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

thirdcoming said:


> you are not going to die if you don't do it for a couple of weeks btw


Exactly, I object to the use of the word 'needs'.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

touch myself and think about him.

I heard guys get pretty aroused by that thought. All you have to do is send him a text message before bed with a little snapshot and a message, _I'm thinking about you in more ways than 1_.

men are so sexy...


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

Masturbation.

Oh it said partner.

Still the same.


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## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

You make it sound like the main function of a partner is the management of bodily fluids :lol.



sasdawg said:


> Is it masturbation?


But yeah, the answer is always yes.


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