# My Story: From a Loser to a Winner... and still learning



## pudz

Hey Everyone,

I'm new here but I want to tell you about my transformation story.
I was chillin on the web/ facebook and decided to look at how my life has changed in the past years and how I want to still change in the coming years.

I am currently in my 3rd year of college and have had social anxiety for most of my life starting around 7/8th grade. I was the typical "Loser". No, not a nerd, or a geek, just a plain loser. I had no friends and my best friend, I was his only friend. We would be on the internet playing mmorpg's and what not all day until we would sleep at 3am in the morning only to repeat the process. I had pretty bad grades in school because I thought "cool" kids didn't do there homework. That phase of my life didn't help me at all because that took me away from all the "nerds" and I couldn't even be friends with them. I had no one to go to if I needed to talk, one, maybe two friends that had little to no interest in my life. yea, I was down there to my lowest. I didnt shower for days... so talkin about brushing my teeth... waste of time. Something that helped me cope with my life was playing basketball. I shot hoops for 5 -8 hours on end in the summer because I had nothing to do but be at home and go on the internet. I was too shy to play with other people, but it got me into another world and that was what maybe saved me from crying every night alone to ssleep. A pretty cute girl liked me for 2 years in one of my classes... and yep you guess it... I think I said hi to her once...anddddd it wasnt really smooth. haha

I needed to make a change. Around 11th grade, I noticed how people acted and interacted with other people and asked myself why they were having sso much more fun doing it. I got online and began reading away at how to improve yourself with women.. blah blah blah. And I read and read and finished a whole lot of it. I outlined step by step in my mind how a regular conversation would start with a girl. But then it got to me.... I had no balls to even say hi to a girl and im thinkin about askin a girl out... 

then I finally broke free of my shell and started talking more and answering more questions in class. I didnt talk to my peers, I talked to my teacher, with peers listening. That was my first step. then I gradually started to introducing myself to girls. 

Here was my first go to line that led me on the right path for anyone whos interested.

Me - "Hey, what's your name?"
Her - " my name is _____"
Me - "Oh cool, my name is _____"

In high school, that worked a lot better than staring into space and sitting alone while everyone is talking to everyone else. 

I didn't introduce myself to the popular ones. I found girls that were in the SAME BOAT as me. Alone and shy afraid to talk to people. I knew they felt JUST AS AWKWARD as me. 

And here is how I got myself to do it.
"I Don't give a crap"
"Whatever"

After I started giving my name to people, I then asked about schoolwork and made comments. yea, I felt weird at first, but as time went on, I was more comfortable. 

It was senior year.... I was still the "loser", but hey, I made improvements, right? Right

It was around this time I said hi to my First, and only, girlfriend I have ever had. We met through a youth group so she didnt even live in my town.

Senior year means ... dreaded... prom night. 
I was deciding with my nerd friends wether I should make a stupid appearance or play runescape the whole night while eating a lot of food..
My mind was set to play runescape.

At this time, I had already gotten past social anxiety a LITTLE bit, but I wa still EXTREMELY akward around girls. Somehow I managed to pull off going to two proms....
One with another so called "loser" at my school
and the other... with my ex girlfriend

This was about the time I first learned how to "grind" with a girl.
It felt extremely goood, wreckon ya'll try it sometime.
She wanted to make out in the car... I declined because I wasnt ready and have never kissed a girl in my life before.
She was also my first kiss.... Extremely awkward... didn't know what I was doing.... not that magical... yeah

blah blah blah time to go to college... and I dump this girl because I started to hate the distance.

Now, here is the part where everyone that hasnt gone through this part should listen carefully..... COLLEGE

It's where you have your whole new identity.
A place where you can be whoever you want to be.
Because...
You all start off fresh and here the kicker...

"You're all on the same boat"

You're NOT a loser, shes NOT popular. Same level playing ground for about a week or two and THIS is the time where change is crucial. Remember all the days where you coldnt talk to a girl? Say hi? Make popular friends? 
This my friends, is here it all starts, and it's where it started for me.

Here is what I began doing a month or week before I went into my dorm my first time as a freshman:

1. Showers everyday. Check
2. Teeth. Check
3. Deoderant. Check
4. I'm not a loser mentality. Check
5. Clothes that don't make me stick out. Check
6. My past life experiences thrown out of my mind.? Check

I said hi to people I didn't know and became close to my roomates. they werent of the popular variety, but hey, they are still friends to make.

I was still extremely awkward around girls.....
I didn't go to my first party untiil Second semester because I was scared of .. the whole scene and everything
Asked my first girl out in college.. she declined.. because I was too desperate...

then second year of college changed my life.
I joined a fraternity. Don't know what it is? Look it up

I pledged with a whole lot of popular guys. I learned from them. They taught me most of what I needed to learn and made sure I implmented it.
And the rest is history.....

Now I attract a lot of girls, but I want to pass this imformation down to you guys... because I've been there , done that.. and thought that I would never have been successful as I am today

1. Always have confidence
- If you don't make it akward, she won't feel akward
- If you do, she will feel extremely awkard

2. Girls have a second sense
- they know off the bat if you are
confident
social
desperate 
and a lot of other things
- First impressions make it or break it

3. Always, Always greet every girl you get aquainted to with a hug.
- I can not stress this enough... this was one thing that changed everything
- Remember the first rule? Yea implement it
- Girls LOVE hugs
- After you get a little more comfortable you can do all sorts of playful things to them

4. Have a.... "I don't give a crap what you think" attitude
- If you always think about what other people think, it will get to you
- If you want to dance, dance

5. At a party....
Once you have successfully implemented everything above, you will probably have learned more than what other people can tell you.

- "Just do it"
I can not tell you how easy it is to just go up to a girl, put both hands on their hips and start dancing... from behind her of course.

You get rejected once, again and again, but if you don't give up, you will get more girls to dance with you than those who just stand there.


... 
I've averaged hooking up at least one girl every 3 parties.
I have more real friends than I can count
I am not a tool... I don't get used
I'm not a jerk or an *******.... just really flirty

....

I'm sorry if you read this whole post and thought it was useless,
But i spent quite some time typgin this up too

Cheers,
I hope to all of you that you will be more successful than me in the future. I wish you guys good luck 

And remember...

If I can do it,
ANYONE can do it....

INCLUDING you.


***** I also had a mental illness in high school *****


Update 7/28: I've changed so much more from before when I first wrote this post in a better way, Ill spill the beans later.


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## theseshackles

That was really inspiring. I hope you stick around and contribute to the forums.

I am truly happy for you. :drunk


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## wmw87

Thanks for the post.


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## enpyre

awesome story man.

but what would you recommend if we already graduated college (very recently) and cant do the same thing you did in your break down?


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## luctus

When in Rome, they say...

But hey, if you're truly happy, how can I argue with that?

I feel like so much of what you described was an act of 'conforming', and I have been reluctant to change my interests or myself to be more appealing to the larger part of society. I don't want to be a 'loser', but I fiercely defend my right to be a 'freak'.

Have your interests changed much over the years, or can you still find an outlet for the old loves of your 'loser' days, such as Runescape? 
I hope this doesn't come off as condescending, because that's certainly not my intention. I'm aware that my unwillingness to adhere to many social expectations has a great deal to do with my estrangement from society, and that is just a fact, good or bad. I would like to be able to just come out into the world as exactly who I am inside, and not care whether this was acceptable to others.

And I'm not talking about hygiene so much, I'm already a slave to that. But, I could definitely dress in more stylish/conservative ways if I wanted to really stop "drawing attention" to myself.


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## pudz

Hey Irebat,

Even though I haven't graduated yet, I've seen a lot of my brothers who graduated this year as well as a lot of alumni who come down and around a lot. 

In your situation, I would keep on putting yourself in the social environment. The first few times, you can just sit there and not say anything and observe. It could be as easy as walking into a grocery store or a best buy/ electronics store. 

Be comfortable with seeing people around you and feeling people around you. The next step I would try to accomplish is to have a few lines with the cashier thats working there after you buy something or just asking them for help or what not. I would keep it short and try to be as natural as can be (ex: don't be extremely nervous, don't think of everything you're going to say before the conversation starts.). Just keep it going and it doesn't have to be fast. Pause for a second or two before you respond to his comments. 

I know this can be pretty hard for you because it was hard for me too, until I learned how to stop thinking too much. I believe that a lot of the stress you and me sometimes develop around people is from thinking too much. SO DON'T THINK... just do 

I've come a long way from just doing. The girls I manage to hook with a lot of times... I say 3 words and I get them onto me.

Non-Verbal communication / body language is what a lot of people need to work on too! 

So maybe Just work on your body language when you walk into the store and say a word. That could be your first step to the right step!

- pudz


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## pudz

Hey Luctus, 
I feel as if conforming to society is the first couple steps in transforming the self confident and social you.
After being able to tell myself I am able to hold decent conversations with so called "normal" or "popular" people I just met, and I feel comfortable with my self and confidence level was where it should be, I began to stop comforming to society. Not that I rebeled in taking showers, but I began to take interests such as juggling and other geeky acts. I was able to not only build my relationships with people without thie disorder, but I was able to build better relationships with geeks and losers such as myself.
After my transformation and to my own knowledge, I am JUST AS UNIQUE as I was before i started to "conform" to society. I still play runescape form time to time,but now I treasure all my real life relationships more because I have actual physical contact with them. 
i am now able to do whatever I want, even the most "loserish" activity and it would not feel weird to me and no one would even think for a second I was like the person I used to be.
So to answer your question, I feel as if you need to be able to EXPRESS YOURSELF FREELY before you can become the REAL YOU.
Hope that answers your question!
Pudz


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## luctus

pudz said:


> Hey Luctus,
> I feel as if conforming to society is the first couple steps in transforming the self confident and social you.
> After being able to tell myself I am able to hold decent conversations with so called "normal" or "popular" people I just met, and I feel comfortable with my self and confidence level was where it should be, I began to stop comforming to society. Not that I rebeled in taking showers, but I began to take interests such as juggling and other geeky acts. I was able to not only build my relationships with people without thie disorder, but I was able to build better relationships with geeks and losers such as myself.
> After my transformation and to my own knowledge, I am JUST AS UNIQUE as I was before i started to "conform" to society. I still play runescape form time to time,but now I treasure all my real life relationships more because I have actual physical contact with them.
> i am now able to do whatever I want, even the most "loserish" activity and it would not feel weird to me and no one would even think for a second I was like the person I used to be.
> So to answer your question, I feel as if you need to be able to EXPRESS YOURSELF FREELY before you can become the REAL YOU.
> Hope that answers your question!
> Pudz


Pudz,

This sounds absolutely amazing! I would really like to know just how you did it. It would be awesome to not feel constrained to please a specific group/sector in society. I think some of it for me is that I'm overly sensitive to what I think people expect from me, and feel like I'll either be accepted by them completely or rejected completely. Since it's 'all or nothing' for me, I usually think 'nothing' is easier.

Like the commenter before me, I don't have a new start in college to look forward to. I'm already half-way through my degree, and I've proven myself to be just as shy and lonely there as I was in highschool (even more than in highschool, honestly).

It seems like self-confidence and the willingness to be open/expressive and try new things is really key here.


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## pudz

Luctus,

I really think some positive thinking could go a far far way for you. If you think you'll get rejected by them, you absolutely will be rejected by them. If you think you can fit in with them and you act like you already fit in with them... thats a whole different scenario. It's all in the mindset and as I pointed out in the original post more than once....
the "I don't give a crap" mindset goes a long way 

The very definition of confidence lies in those very words. To be confident is to not care what anyone thinks of you. If you think its right to do it, then do it. Disregard all thoughts about what other people think of you.

Its hard for me to accept too, but I do see a lot of truth into this theory...
- People are more preoccupied with themself and their life than judging what hundreds of people they see a day and deciding if they want to reject them or not.
... So the moral of that is... Don't make a small thing into this huge big thing because chances are... They are going to forget about it and not care as much as you. So what's the point of giving every ounce of energy you get just to even begin thinking in your own mind what other people think of you? Exactly , There is none.

And yea, doing "nothing" is a lot easier than to say the first hi or give a hug or do anything that involves touching the other person... In your mind and in a lot of other people's minds.

But in my mind... Whats so special about the way I think is that I've began to feel the complete opposite.

Hear me out:
It's SO MUCH HARDER to not do anything and to not be friends with someone. Why? you may ask. Its actually quite simple

Think of the benefits of not saying hi.... there is none. You will have butterfiles in your stomach. you won't feel accomplished. Then you will feel low about yourself. And then before you know it, it goes into a whole cycle over and over again. That puts SO MUCH STRESS and strain that my body can't deal with anymore and it's surely the same for you.

So it's actually a lot EASIER to say hi and have a friendly conversation.
No stress for yourself. On top of that, you don't need to care about what happened in the conversation because of the above mentality? And you might have the chance of gaining a new friend? Awesome.

And I'm halfway done with my degree too. But do you know what? You can start fresh EVERYDAY. Be a new you. There are probably THOUSANDS of other people to say hit to. Just look around you, you will notice. Just because I get a hi and a hug every few seconds to minute or so does not mean there arent more people that dont know who I am. Because there is. And that is your chance to start off new.. because you won't know who the person is and the person wont know you. 

your friend,
pudz


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## ValiantThor

yea but i messed up in college now what? i new this going into college, ok adam, now you can be whoever you wanna be!!!! Last week of the semester im still that quiet guy and didnt make any connections. I dropped out last month and yea things havnt gotten better.


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## pudz

Valiant,

Please believe that it's not over and you can change into who you want to be socially. 

Just take tiny steps. My change wasn't in a day or even a month and you shouldn't expect it either. 

Look at the last paragraph I wrote to Luctus and combine that with the one I wrote to Irebat. 

remember... Everyday is a new day. And a new day is one step closer to that new you. Start TODAY because there will be a tomorrow... but why wait and procrastinate?

- pudz


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## LOVEandHAPPINESS

You sound like quite the casanoava, 

keep it up)


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## Gemini32

SA goes beyond women


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## pudz

I understand what SA is about. I had it. 
I found that most of what made me feel depressed all the time and the inability to make any sort of friend, male or female, was relationships.


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## LOVEandHAPPINESS

ValiantThor said:


> yea but i messed up in college now what? i new this going into college, ok adam, now you can be whoever you wanna be!!!! Last week of the semester im still that quiet guy and didnt make any connections. I dropped out last month and yea things havnt gotten better.


What are you going to do about this?


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## johnstamos

I wish I read this when I was a freshman instead of a recent college graduate  My social anxiety was crippling in college, it wasn't as simple as "getting self confidence". I couldn't even get myself to leave my dorm room. I really didn't overcome it until junior year, but at that point I was pretty much alienated from any possibility of going to parties and such. You were fortunate to have been in a striving social environment like a Fraternity.


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## pudz

Hey, 
It looks as if you've made some improvement from when you were a freshman. I was right there with you when you say you couldn't leave your dorm room. My mental illness mixed with a heck load of paranoid thoughts made my life so much incredibly harder to walk into society. I'm so glad I was an inpatient at a mental hospital because that helped me tons too when I was there and people were having somewhat of the same problems as me. 

Little steps is what got me where I wanted to be, but being able to go out of your dorm without anyone forcing you to is huge.
Keep it up!

- pudz


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## Jimminy_Billy_Bob

I'm very impressed by your maturity at age 19, and the fact that even with your success you;ve come to this forum to help people.


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## contranigma

Congratulations pudz. That's cool that you were able to make such big changes. Like some others, I am a recent graduate a college, and know that it is easier said than done. Though, I made friends with my roommates in college and a few others, I really didn't drastically improve my SA or hook-up with any girls


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## DeeperUnderstanding

It's inspiring and all, but I'm 28 and I entered college right out of HS. And things haven't changed for me; I've been to three different colleges, and have felt out of place in all three of them.


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## bengo

I'm gonna try what you tried. My first step would be contributing in class. I've wanted to play basketball but my bball wouldn't pump up.


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## pudz

Contr: You've made improvements which other people try years to do and still can't do! Congrats and just build on that success and im sure you'll be able to see that improvement over time!

Winters: The difference between thinking and doing is tremendous. Try to not think about past failures and put the best foot foward and look at it as if you've already fit in. Try it!

Bengo:YESS! That's the spirit! Go out there and prove to the world you're legit. Start taking small steps as I did and let me know how it worked out!
And basketball was a GREAT stress release for me... so maybe you could get someone to buy a new one for you? Im having great success finding new friends playing basketball too so that might also be a place to start making friends!


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## SAgirl

That's terrific!


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## Ambitious

Wow man, that was some powerful stuff. I really felt you putting everything into that. Really happy to hear where you are now. Keep it up


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## Phila23

How would a person with a moderate to severe stutter approach this....


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## leeroy

pudz,

I came across this forum on google, was surfing it, and after reading this, I cannot believe how similar you are to me. Since middle school, I have felt like an outcast at my school. From 7th-10th grade, my typical day was go to school, come home, do my homework, then play videogames until I got tired (I was big on Runescape too, haha).

Right now, I'm a senior in high school. Starting last summer, things have been turning for the better, as I have a good number of guy friends to hang out with, but I'm still not confident socially, particularly with girls. I've got a full month left of high school, and I have two classes where I generally avoid talking to anyone. I want to know how to change this. It feels weird if you have not been talking to the people next to you in class all year, but then start all of a sudden! How can I change this? We obviously know each other's names after nearly a full school year, so I can't do a basic introduction. But I can't just start saying hi to these people as they walk in, out of nowhere! It's just odd. What do I start talking about? And how do I eventually become better friends? Is it too late?

What I have the most trouble with is knowing when to try to take a relationship with a classmate outside of school. So, for example, I talk to this girl every now and then in my Spanish class who sits next to me, but it's only quick things about the class itself. I don't know how to talk about anything else to her, or let alone try to talk to her outside of class. How do I go about this? In other words, when is it time to take an acquaintance you have in school, to a friend outside of school?

Thanks for reading this if you do. If not, then thank you anyway, because I bookmarked this page and plan on reading it again before I leave for college. LOL.


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## ohgodits2014

No one can be a loser when they're still in their teens.


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## pudz

Leeroy,

If I was still in high school, I would be here asking the same question. 
With the experiences I have had with girls with and without attraction, the same basic rules apply, but we might have to alter from situation to situation although the core of these rules I have made up for myself stay the same.

The situation you are describing is in high school and not college, so there may be a slight difference, but very slight.

For the two classes you haven't said anything in, I would just start paying attention to class details and the teacher a lot more and carefully pick apart his sentences so that you have questions ready for him. Participate in asking these questions and if your other peers from across the room who is more social jumps in, make your move and fire comments right back, this way people around you will notice "hey, this kid is alive, talks a little, and is confident to engage is conversations." 
I would say do this for 2 or 3 days and people will start to notice your enthusiasm in class, and continue throughout the year. 
During the 3rd or 4th day, while being active in class, be as smooth as you can be and talk in a normal voice, almost whispering , an excuse to why you weren't talking until then. Something like "dammmm I need to get those A's or im screwed". The voice should be heard only to the student across or in front of you around you. This needs to be said with lots of expression... making faces to match the emotion and vibe you give off is a plus. Look for the person you want to chill with after class, within a 1 person radius, and say it as if you were talking to them to get the effect.
Follow your comment with a question IMMEDIATELY after something to the extent of "how are you doing in the class?"
Make sure the person is looking and if he/she isn't looking... say his/her name. 
If he/she answers without you saying their name and you want to start fresh.... go with the basic intro but skip the "hi" part. Go directly into
"oh cool... what's your name?
"______"
"Right, I'm ______"

Once you get 1 person to talk to you, the rest should be a peice of cake.

These directions are extremely specific because that would be what I envision doing in your situation... step by step.


As to the chick in your spanish class, if you have good rapport with the girl, go for it. 
Rapport is how smooth the conversation goes and the connection and comfrtability you feel when talking to her.

I was pretty bad at this in high school and have gotten a lot better at college because of the social scene around me...
If you were in college, I would just go with " what you up to tonight? wanna chill/ party?" ... or if there was group work, go with that... but it isnt college.

If you aren't on a good enough rapport level yet, I would try and find her on facebook, if you have one, and talk to her a little more and try to get that level up so you can go for that number.....

But you need to keep talkin to her ...a lot... more .. a 10 -15 minute conversation anywhere (but in person) ...even in class (if the teacher assigns group work).

Before class, any time before class, say hey ___ with a big friendly smile, and go in for the hug. Act like you guys hug everyday (which you should if you aren't).

remember .. If you don't make it akward, she won't feel akward.
If she doesn't make eye contact or looks away for a second... give the "WHAT?" Act and sound extremely shocked... but MAKE SURE she sees ur bout to give her a hug since it isn't regular. 
If she says its akward... say somethin like .... "nah it aint....... you're the awkward one" 


After a quick solid 10 minute convo... give out an excuse to go somewhere... ask for her number something along the lines of "hey I gotta go, we should chill later, whats your number?" .. or if you're still in class... tell her you def gotta chill later and if you're on a good level she'll give the go ahead and you can get the digits after class.

And then ... BAM... text her whenever ... I usually text around 6 -8pm to chill ... figure out something to do and GO.

that was some hard solid planning... 
Hope you find it useful. 
This definetly isn't a beginners walkthrough... you need some SERIOUS confidence / swag to pull some of this off smoothy. 

And report back on what went smooth and what still needs some work because I'll be curious!

- Pudz


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## pudz

Phila,

I don't know what's causing your sttutering and I'm not a doctor so I can't really tell you. When I stutter, it's usually because I'm a little nervous... but its not that bad.
Talk to a professional because they can help more than me!

- pudz


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## alte

Good for you. At 19, you are still young and have the best years ahead of you ... college, early twenties. enjoy them. you have earned it. I sometimes wish I could go back in time to my undergrad days and slap some sense into my nerdy, video game obsessed younger self heh.


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## CopadoMexicano

Thats great


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## ForeverInBloom

I think its awesome that you've overcome your SA pudz, and to an even greater extent, that you're on here to help people even after your SA has disappeared!!!

Hey can you help a brother out? I have this social thing on Friday and I'm nervous about going. Of course I'm going to go its just that I want to have fun this time because I went to the exact same social last year and I did nothing but watched everyone else have a good time. I got nervous the whole time I was there and was quiet a lot. What can I do to prepare for this situation? Like leeroy, most of the people going know me as the quiet, reserved one. I once had fun and danced like crazy with a girl during the summer at this program I went to and I want to do that again! After i danced with the girl, I was like "WTF, did I just do that?". I don't know how to do it again! So do you just go and think "I don't care what everyone thinks"? at these events?


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## pudz

Forever,

Let me tell you what I do to prepare to go out/ go to social stuff so you can have an idea and get inspiration from it.

- Pick clothes out 
. Depending on the occasion, either jeans and a t shirt, more relaxed swishy/ sweatpants and t shirt, more stylish jeans and a polo/ dress shirt, or formal dress shirt and dress pants with tie.
. Pick something out that you will be comfortable wearing and judge if the set matches, or if you can't do it yourself have someone help you out.

- take a shower
. Obvious reasons
- Brush your teeth
. Obvious reasons
- Deoderant
. Obvious reasons
- Cologne
. to smell good

- Hat/ do hair.
If i'm wearing a hat, it will usually be a fitted cap
If i'm not particularly feeling a cap that day, I gel my hair
Whatever I do, I make it look presentable/ not just got out of bed look.

- shoes:
Pick out a pair of shoes to match my clothes
If the shoe is dirty, I take an extra 10 minutes to get ready and scrub my shoes so theres not a lot of dirt on it.

- Mirror:
I look at the mirror before I go out to double check myself and it gives me a boost of confidence if I think I did good.
^^^^ It's time to change your attitude if you can't do this

Yes, you should not care about what other people think of you and what you do, but you should care what you make yourself feel.

last step... head out

_______________________________________

Alright so you're there... parking in the lot... arriving to the door.. wheverever the entrance is.

Since people know that you are really reserved, you have to start making moves right after you enter the door. The first 20 minutes of the party is when you will set how the night will go and is crucial especially since you are quiet. 

Go up to everyone you know and either give them a handshake/ slap their hands... or if its a lady, give them a hug.

Yes, a hug.... since it's a social event it is extremely easy to not make this awkard. 
Speak up and be animated so they know you're alive and you're talking to them. 
A " Hey ____ !!!!!, Hows it going??" Followed by a hug and their response is great. their response could be from "goood good" to a sentence. So respond accordingly.


So this involves dancing.... my specialty / favorite .... 

heres how to prepare for this if it's your first time... put on a song and adjust the volume levels and just start moving your body to the beat. Do it in front of the mirror... do it in your room without the mirror... whateve. Just be prepared to dance like no ones watching you when you're in front of people. 
The "I don't give a crap attitude" works wonders here so do it.
the "Confidence" works miracles here also so don't forget that

Depending on what type of dancing you will be doing, involve other people. 
- Be the person to go up to the guy / girl and get them to start dancing with you/ get them out of their chairs.
- If theres slow dances, go up to a girl and ask if she wants to dance. Hand on her hip and grab her other hand... and talk to her while you dance.
- If it's dirty dancing/ grinding.. which I get the feeling it's not, just go up to them and start dancing near them.

Hint... if you know the song lyrics, you can make moves up yourself!
Ex: Lyrics " Me and youu tonightttt"
Point the closest girl out, point yourself out and then whatever..... when you get to that point in your confidence, you can go up to the girl and start dancing with her....

if you come back, read this again, and see that you made these changes and did these things, I gaurantee you that you will have a blassttt.

If you don't understand something, ask away

- pudzz:boogie


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## StressedGirll

way to go  you should never think what people think anyway.. because in the long run, all that matters is you and the decisions you made


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## ForeverInBloom

Wow, thanks for all your insight!! I'll be sure to use all that info! 

I tried to be confident and positive today...it worked wonders!!!! I wasn't anxious as I usually am. I said hi to some people throughout the day. I think I might have had a breakthrough, thanks! Being confident is the one that helped out a lot. I'm sure if I keep my confidence level up I'll do all those things! Thanks again pudz!


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## Paragon

Pretty cool thread pudz  I think most of this advice is pretty spot on, i kinda figured a lot of it out myself but would've been easier if i'd read this a few years ago lol. So yeah.. awesome. I'll make sure to ask you if i need any advice


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## ForeverInBloom

About the social.I danced.....I had fun! I even asked this girl to dance and it was great! Definitely going out there to dance without caring is a big step. It can be done! 

Thanks pudz for your tips, I really appreciate it!


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## callmecharnelle

duuuuude. I wanna be like you!
I'm getting there.
It was the other day that I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm not even ugly! Wtf is wrong with people?"
I'm starting to feel really nice about myself and the path to overcoming is such a great path! It's all just amazing!


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## daniel11206

i just started college today, i wasn't really nervous in fact i wanted to talk kinda more like make funny comments , but still held back. I only answered one question out loud, what do i do now, make comments to others in class?

the teacher was talking the entire time i didn't wanna just start saying funny **** especially since some of it was about him and i was sitting in the front? What would happen like in high school teacher just screams at you and whatever you just start again later, in college what would happen would they kick me out?

What should i start doing from now on to have a better social life and make friends? Just talk about school work?

oh yeah i go to a city college so i don't live in a dorm.


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## Prodigal Son

StressedGirll said:


> way to go  you should never think what people think anyway.. because in the long run, all that matters is you and the decisions you made


That is a simple concept, but it is absolutely true. I've made a lot of improvements challenging reactions to experiences I've had, even in the moment. Really, nobody can make you feel nervous or embarrassed but you. Again, simplistic concept but when you are able to apply it practically it is freakin empowering. (that is also the hard part)

Perm validation comes from within and being proud of the decisions you have made and will make over time. Temp. validation comes from the wanted outcomes and approval of others.


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## coketo158

LOL

so you went from attracting zero girls, and now magically attratcting lots of girls, just because your mind changed ? lol

this could be a hollywood movie for real


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## pudz

daniel11206 said:


> i just started college today, i wasn't really nervous in fact i wanted to talk kinda more like make funny comments , but still held back. I only answered one question out loud, what do i do now, make comments to others in class?
> 
> the teacher was talking the entire time i didn't wanna just start saying funny **** especially since some of it was about him and i was sitting in the front? What would happen like in high school teacher just screams at you and whatever you just start again later, in college what would happen would they kick me out?
> 
> What should i start doing from now on to have a better social life and make friends? Just talk about school work?
> 
> oh yeah i go to a city college so i don't live in a dorm.


Alright man, good job. Just don't hold back unless you feel like you're talking too much. Talking in class is more of a high school situation I think, but the reason you should talk in class is to ask questions and not only pretend like you're engaged, but by actually being engaged in the environment. No matter what other people say, girls LOVE guys that have brains. If they have more to offer, even better. So once you get mor engaged in class, you will probably feel more comfortable in class.

This comfortability will enable others to talk to you without being afraid to talk to you. And this even makes it A LOT easier for you to start conversation. Being comfortable is 80 percent of what we call confidence. So take chances, be more comfortable. But remember, the objective here is to talk to other classmates and not just the teacher. The teacher is a great starting ground, but we need progress. Message me or respond here if you need more help 

- pudz


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## pudz

Prodigal Son said:


> That is a simple concept, but it is absolutely true. I've made a lot of improvements challenging reactions to experiences I've had, even in the moment. Really, nobody can make you feel nervous or embarrassed but you. Again, simplistic concept but when you are able to apply it practically it is freakin empowering. (that is also the hard part)
> 
> Perm validation comes from within and being proud of the decisions you have made and will make over time. Temp. validation comes from the wanted outcomes and approval of others.


So remember one of the rules I acknowledged of "If you're not awkward, she won't feel awkward"?

This is exactly why this works to some extent.

"Really, nobody can make you feel nervous or embarrassed but you."

It's all in YOUR mind of what awkward is perceived as. Sure, there are some "norms" of society, but there are very outgoing people with no anxiety that do AWKWARD things. So just brush it off, keep going, act like nothing happened and others will feel comfortable around you!

- pudz


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## pudz

coketo158 said:


> LOL
> 
> so you went from attracting zero girls, and now magically attratcting lots of girls, just because your mind changed ? lol
> 
> this could be a hollywood movie for real


Absolutely. ALOT of things had to happen in order for this to happen... but all the hard work paid off. I'm lifting weights and doing extreme cardio drills at the gym for 2 hours a day so my mood is boosted even more.

Im now even working on not letting my ego and confidence get to me... I'm not arrogant yet, but my abs and arms are making me get there lol....

If you want to be in this situation, do something about it. It's not a bad situation to be in. I didn't grow up like this as a child with SA, so I have brains too, which makes it even better! Girls love guys with as much abs as he has brains haha

And if your comment was sarcastic, keep it to yourself next time because what goes inside your brain is what really matters. 
Remember... Nothing is impossible.

- pudz


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## daniel11206

ok i have no problem talking to the teacher but what to i say to other classmates, just mention stuff about class? also i ran into some out of class now what just talk about anything?


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## pudz

You can either talk about something you've experienced during your few days in college or talk about class and then gradually feel more comfortable about talking about something else. The second process can take up to a week or two for me if it's a girl I have interest in. It would be instant if it was a guy.
This is simply due to the fact I have experiences similar to other guys. So your next step would be to talk about class, make comments or ask if they understand something. 
Then maybe gradually ask if they want to study with you together, then get their number. 
Once you're out of the classroom area, it is a lot more appropriate to talk about social life at your college. Ask if they've been to parties and ask what they're like. You don't even need to have gone to one before. Just ask what it's like because all freshman love talking about parties and how crazy last weekend was. 

If you're not into the party scene, ask if there's something to do on campus. That expands to not only night time, but daytime activities. Ask about the gym if you like sports or working out. Ask about other club.s Tons of stuff to talk about.

This is when you need to realize you need to branch out and experience life. Because down the road when you're talking to some random stranger, you'll know what he says when... that party was crazy or some 5'7 guy did a 360 dunk in the gym.

So to summarize, the next step after being comfortable to talking to people is to relate and relate and relate. And then experience. And then relate to their experience with your experience. 

Anything else?
- pudz


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## pudz

And think about this too:

Why do adults in the professional world tend to talk about their career / job or economy or politics that kids and teens think are boring and not about their past crazy binge drinking every friday nights? 

Because people can relate more to their current and not past. Whatever you're doing at that time, you have experience to give and even more experience and insight to take in.

And why don't young teens and children talk about stocks and politics more? Because they have a hard time relating to it. 

It's simple as that, but because people on this board have Social Anxiety and can't experience these with a calm or engaging mind, but instead are so nervous they can't relate to the normal outgoing person, they have a harder time.

- pudz


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## Mae West

Great post! What I wanna know is: why does everyone who goes from having SA to not having SA have to refer to their former self as a "loser?" I thought I was pretty cool even when others did not. My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.


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## NovaFly

My life so far is similar to yours pudz, my last year I tried to change, I would speak up in classes to teacher like you would, and like you I had a friend, and friends online who I played allot of computer games with, and also like you, I wasn't a nerd I was a total loser. But the one thing that was different is that I went to a all boy school, so my social skills with the opposite sex are terrible probably lol.

Anyhow currently I'm 16 from the UK, waiting to start college, hoping to leave the years of fighting,violence,bullying,depression and social anxiety behind me. I'm preparing for college, I'm improving my appearance, and researching how to socialise etc, also pursuing my hobbies. But constantly I think to myself, what's the point? College will be just the same. It's hard to stay motivated, when there isn't much to live for.

Also just wanted to say that your post was very inspiring, and improved my hopes for college^^ and I'm very happy for you.


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## silverwave

Awesome inspirational story dude. I had similar thing and it's progressing very well. You got to feel good about yourself, be motivated and confident! :yes


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## 7th.Streeter

wow awesome story. I really want to do the same ))


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## 7th.Streeter

Mae West said:


> Great post! What I wanna know is: why does everyone who goes from having SA to not having SA have to refer to their former self as a "loser?" I thought I was pretty cool even when others did not. My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.


 I agree with this,  " My self-esteem and self image is not totally dependent on my reputation.[/QUOTE]" I think once we are able to get that into our heads.. we 'd all be social butterflies. Social anxiety is just really being extremely self conscious.


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