# Thread is gone?



## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

I made a thread about 10 minutes ago and it's just gone? Or maybe was it deleted.

Either way, I'm not going to type the whole story again. Maybe some bug interfered but, my goodbye for SAS was in the thread (plus the reason to it). 

If anyone can still find it, please tell me since I lost track of it.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Might have posted this in the wrong sub-forum, sorry for that.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

You can't make threads like that, ED. I hope you change your mind. Sorry I couldn't be more help.  Can you check yourself into a hospital? It'll suck, but it might help. It'll get you away from your family.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> You can't make threads like that, ED. I hope you change your mind. Sorry I couldn't be more help.  Can you check yourself into a hospital? It'll suck, but it might help. It'll get you away from your family.


I know, but I wanted to say goodbye to the community here. But that means it got deleted then? Sigh, oh well.

It's not about changing my mind, I don't want it either but I do not have that choice to make. I'm sorry. But you helped me more than enough, you got really good advice, so don't take the guilt on yourself. You're doing a good job.


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## AvoidantGuy (Oct 1, 2017)

All I said in the last thread is that you are young and if you are planning on doing something like that maybe give it some more time to think about it. I felt a similar way as you and am now 7 years wiser and I am glad that I am still here. If you do that you won't be able to regret it, but you may be grateful later on in life that you don't follow through now.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

AvoidantGuy said:


> All I said in the last thread is that you are young and if you are planning on doing something like that maybe give it some more time to think about it. I felt a similar way as you and am now 7 years wiser and I am glad that I am still here. If you do that you won't be able to regret it, but you may be grateful later on in life that you don't follow through now.


It's not the first time I've felt liks this, but previous times my friends held me up, and I finally got help from an organization. But that organization doesn't believe me anymore since my mother convinced them. And my friends, well, they're all online. They're doing as much as they can but it's not enough.

Trust me, it's better like this. The whole family is turning against me already, and I got no one next to me to support me in real life.


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## AvoidantGuy (Oct 1, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> It's not the first time I've felt liks this, but previous times my friends held me up, and I finally got help from an organization. But that organization doesn't believe me anymore since my mother convinced them. And my friends, well, they're all online. They're doing as much as they can but it's not enough.
> 
> Trust me, it's better like this. The whole family is turning against me already, and I got no one next to me to support me in real life.


I'm not trying to be rude, but if it doesn't matter why do you need to be cryptic? What organization is it that you were getting help from? There was a point in my life where I had 0 friends as well. Tbh right now I would say I probably also have zero friends. There is only one person I talk to daily that I met online. You can't say that it isn't enough what your friends are doing. That is a selfish thing to say, I'm sorry but it's true. You may think it's better like this but what you are going to do is cause turmoil in a lot of other peoples lives.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I can't believe the support workers sided with your mother. I still think you should try the hospital. It can't be worse than living with your family right now. I don't know what they're like where you are, though.

Sometimes friends are better than family. I grew up in a family full of mentally ill people. If I hadn't been able to get away I'd be a lot crazier than I am now.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

AvoidantGuy said:


> I'm not trying to be rude, but if it doesn't matter why do you need to be cryptic? What organization is it that you were getting help from? There was a point in my life where I had 0 friends as well. Tbh right now I would say I probably also have zero friends. There is only one person I talk to daily that I met online. You can't say that it isn't enough what your friends are doing. That is a selfish thing to say, I'm sorry but it's true. You may think it's better like this but what you are going to do is cause turmoil in a lot of other peoples lives.


I'm not trying to be cryptic about anything. I just wanted to say my goodbye to the SAS community that's all. And the organization is (roughly translated to English) the "neighbourhood team". They deal with kinda everything regarding home situations. I'm not saying they aren't doing enough, but it's not enough for me to stay alive. I'm not shoving any guilt in their shoes if you're thinking that, the past few days I was trying to make sure they have found a replacement for me as their friend, which didn't really succeed though but I tried to help them with it.

Only my friends here online would be sad about it, but they're the only ones. And sorry if I'm wrong, but it feels like you're trying to pick a fight with me blaming me for everything. I'm just going to exit, that's all.


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## AvoidantGuy (Oct 1, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> I'm not trying to be cryptic about anything. I just wanted to say my goodbye to the SAS community that's all. And the organization is (roughly translated to English) the "neighbourhood team". They deal with kinda everything regarding home situations. I'm not saying they aren't doing enough, but it's not enough for me to stay alive. I'm not shoving any guilt in their shoes if you're thinking that, the past few days I was trying to make sure they have found a replacement for me as their friend, which didn't really succeed though but I tried to help them with it.
> 
> Only my friends here online would be sad about it, but they're the only ones. And sorry if I'm wrong, but it feels like you're trying to pick a fight with me blaming me for everything. I'm just going to exit, that's all.


I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just don't think your solution is the right one and you need to think a little more. Your 18 years old. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet. I understand you're in pain, but what I'm trying to get through to you is that maybe you can give it a little more time. Add a few more years to your lifetime, and if you still feel that way, okay. I'm in the same boat as you to some degree. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm not going to end it early. I'm going to see this life out to the end, wherever the end may be.

I'm sorry if you think I'm trying to start with you. I'm not. I wish you well and hope you decide against going through with it.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> I can't believe the support workers sided with your mother. I still think you should try the hospital. It can't be worse than living with your family right now. I don't know what they're like where you are, though.
> 
> Sometimes friends are better than family. I grew up in a family full of mentally ill people. If I hadn't been able to get away I'd be a lot crazier than I am now.


What can the hospital do for me? And even if I would go to the hospital, and they'd be able to help me out, my mother (and probably my family) will try to get there as well and probably cause more havoc.

I can 100% agree with that, my online friends are all that I got. My family doesn't care about me. But, good thing you made it out though.


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## Lelouch Lamperouge (May 13, 2013)

Goodbye, I hope that you can be happy no matter what you decide to do. God Bless.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

AvoidantGuy said:


> I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just don't think your solution is the right one and you need to think a little more. Your 18 years old. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet. I understand you're in pain, but what I'm trying to get through to you is that maybe you can give it a little more time. Add a few more years to your lifetime, and if you still feel that way, okay. I'm in the same boat as you to some degree. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm not going to end it early. I'm going to see this life out to the end, wherever the end may be.
> 
> I'm sorry if you think I'm trying to start with you. I'm not. I wish you well and hope you decide against going through with it.


Okay, then I interpreted you wrong, my apologies for doing so. I know, I'm young and I don't know anything about life, but trust me I know about my own one. I don't have a few more years, even if I wouldn't commit s******, then my health will kill me sooner or later. I already have an increased amount of heart palpitations, including pain near my heart. Well, that's your own decision to make, sadly this is mines. Although it isn't really a choice or decision, I'm forced to do so.

It's fine, but you shouldn't waste time on me like this. I can understand that you're trying to save me, but you won't since it's a hopeless cause. Thank you for responding though.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Lelouch Lamperouge said:


> Goodbye, I hope that you can be happy no matter what you decide to do. God Bless.


I'm not religious, but still, thank you.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

You are not the only one in life facing challenges. You just need to keep on fighting. You have no faith and your hopeless attitude makes you believe in all the wrong things.

Take advise from your friends and keep living and taking things one step at a time.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> What can the hospital do for me? And even if I would go to the hospital, and they'd be able to help me out, my mother (and probably my family) will try to get there as well and probably cause more havoc.
> 
> I can 100% agree with that, my online friends are all that I got. My family doesn't care about me. But, good thing you made it out though.


A stay at a hospital would get you away from your family. At least briefly. And it might give you a new perspective. It has helped other people. Sometimes people make real life friends there, too. You can always follow through with your plan after you leave the hospital, though obv I hope that you don't.

If your mother tries to get you out, tell them you'll go home as long as they admit her instead.


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## AvoidantGuy (Oct 1, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> Okay, then I interpreted you wrong, my apologies for doing so. I know, I'm young and I don't know anything about life, but trust me I know about my own one. I don't have a few more years, even if I wouldn't commit s******, then my health will kill me sooner or later. I already have an increased amount of heart palpitations, including pain near my heart. Well, that's your own decision to make, sadly this is mines. Although it isn't really a choice or decision, I'm forced to do so.
> 
> It's fine, but you shouldn't waste time on me like this. I can understand that you're trying to save me, but you won't since it's a hopeless cause. Thank you for responding though.


I don't think any person genuinely reaching out is a waste of time. I still hope you have a change of heart friend. I wish you the best.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Ms kim said:


> You are not the only one in life facing challenges. You just need to keep on fighting. You have no faith and your hopeless attitude makes you believe in all the wrong things.
> 
> Take advise from your friends and keep living and taking things one step at a time.


As I mentioned earlier, it's not a choice to make. About a week ago, I was eager and motivated to go to the appointment with the organization and my mother, because I thought I finally would have my solution. But there wasn't any, it only got worse at home. And even now, the organization believes my mother over me, putting all the guilt in my shoes.

Then the only solution, is this one.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> A stay at a hospital would get you away from your family. At least briefly. And it might give you a new perspective. It has helped other people. Sometimes people make real life friends there, too. You can always follow through with your plan after you leave the hospital, though obv I hope that you don't.
> 
> If your mother tries to get you out, tell them you'll go home as long as they admit her instead.


As far as I know, hospitals aren't hotels. At least that's here the case. I'm still not sure how that would even work out. And no one wants to be friends with me, well except for the people online but, they live far away. The nearest friend is 'only' 250km from me.

It's not about trying to get me out, it's about causing a huge fight while I'm there. And including my other family members, of course.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

AvoidantGuy said:


> I don't think any person genuinely reaching out is a waste of time. I still hope you have a change of heart friend. I wish you the best.


Well, trying to reach out for *me* is a waste of time. I am a waste of time. And I probably won't, but thank you for your words though.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> As far as I know, hospitals aren't hotels. At least that's here the case. I'm still not sure how that would even work out. And no one wants to be friends with me, well except for the people online but, they live far away. The nearest friend is 'only' 250km from me.
> 
> It's not about trying to get me out, it's about causing a huge fight while I'm there. And including my other family members, of course.


Again, I don't know where you live or what the support is like, but this is what can happen, at least some places.

I don't think they'd let your family cause a scene like that but again I don't know what it's like where you are.

I don't believe you're a waste of time ED.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Again, I don't know where you live or what the support is like, but this is what can happen, at least some places.
> 
> I don't think they'd let your family cause a scene like that but again I don't know what it's like where you are.
> 
> I don't believe you're a waste of time ED.


I read it, and I don't even know if we have that. Last time I got in the hospital was almost a year ago. Besides that, the nearest hospital for me is 15km away, and I only have a bike. I can cross that 15km, of course, but I got no idea how to drive there.

Yeah, they probably will. For sure my mother, who will just demand to see me, and if she's told a 'no', then she'll just bash in.

Well, I am. I mean I'm nothing special, I don't even think I'm worthy being called a human being.

You know, I don't want to sound rude but you're really starting to bring doubting me. (Not sure if I said that correctly)


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> I read it, and I don't even know if we have that. Last time I got in the hospital was almost a year ago. Besides that, the nearest hospital for me is 15km away, and I only have a bike. I can cross that 15km, of course, but I got no idea how to drive there.
> 
> Yeah, they probably will. For sure my mother, who will just demand to see me, and if she's told a 'no', then she'll just bash in.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the last part. I know you said you didn't want people to try to talk you out of it, so I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting pressure on you.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the last part. I know you said you didn't want people to try to talk you out of it, so I'm sorry if you feel like I'm putting pressure on you.


I was already afraid I said it wrong. I meant, you're making me doubt my decision. I hope you understand it now.

You're not, I'm more than eager to respond. Just be aware that it's already too late for me.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> I was already afraid I said it wrong. I meant, you're making me doubt my decision. I hope you understand it now.
> 
> You're not, I'm more than eager to respond. Just be aware that it's already too late for me.


Ah, okay.

I really don't believe that you're worthless, ED. That's something that someone has convinced you. I know you believe that you don't, and you don't see how it could be otherwise, but that doesn't make it true. You have as much right to be here as anyone else.

You have a medical emergency and you need help. This is something that has happened to you, not something that you've brought on yourself. You were convinced, maybe when you were very young, that you were worthless, because children don't know how to defend themselves from thoughts like that. But it's never been true. You have always had worth. You still have worth.

I would at least try the hospital and see if it helps. If you're already past the point of no return then it won't hurt, it will just delay things a bit. But I think you should at least give yourself a chance. Your family may not treat you with respect, but you still have a chance to show yourself the respect they won't give you.


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## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

EarthDominator said:


> I was already afraid I said it wrong. I meant, you're making me doubt my decision. I hope you understand it now.
> 
> You're not, I'm more than eager to respond. Just be aware that it's already too late for me.


Watch some Noah Elkrief videos , if you really eager to be happy and lose your suffering, then this is the moment to change your life.If you are not, you will keep on suffering. I changed my life because of those videos. Rarely get anxiety and no depression. Maybe you could get some meds too? Its your choice.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Ah, okay.
> 
> I really don't believe that you're worthless, ED. That's something that someone has convinced you. I know you believe that you don't, and you don't see how it could be otherwise, but that doesn't make it true. You have as much right to be here as anyone else.
> 
> ...


I got no talents, no special gifts, nothing I'm good at. I'm just me.

I don't know, I got my internship I need to care about. Otherwise I may not move on to the next year, which results in an angry mother. That's why I always hide my grades so I won't have to defend myself in another fight.

If I would go to the hospital, then there is no turning back. With that, I mean I can't return to home without being attacked on sight. The hospital would be for like a week, then put me back in my home. And then it gets even worse, since my mother will force me to do things when she knows I'm suicidal. And those things, in her eyes are good, but put me down even more resulting in being suicidal again. So, it's a loop. That's why I'm getting out of it by taking my exit.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

impedido10 said:


> Watch some Noah Elkrief videos , if you really eager to be happy and lose your suffering, then this is the moment to change your life.If you are not, you will keep on suffering. I changed my life because of those videos. Rarely get anxiety and no depression. Maybe you could get some meds too? Its your choice.


What I said above here.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> I got no talents, no special gifts, nothing I'm good at. I'm just me.
> 
> I don't know, I got my internship I need to care about. Otherwise I may not move on to the next year, which results in an angry mother. That's why I always hide my grades so I won't have to defend myself in another fight.
> 
> If I would go to the hospital, then there is no turning back. With that, I mean I can't return to home without being attacked on sight. The hospital would be for like a week, then put me back in my home. And then it gets even worse, since my mother will force me to do things when she knows I'm suicidal. And those things, in her eyes are good, but put me down even more resulting in being suicidal again. So, it's a loop. That's why I'm getting out of it by taking my exit.


If you believe that you're worthless then you won't explore your talents or gifts. You'll just assume that you don't have any, or that you're not remarkable in any way. You won't have any faith in yourself. So they never grow.

Remember this?










You were convinced you have no worth ('chained'), so you act like a person with no worth. The difference between yourself and other people is not that they have talents/gifts and you don't, but that they didn't feel worthless so they had enough faith in themselves to develop their talents/gifts.

Why are other people worth more than you simply because they were convinced they had worth and you were convinced that you don't?

Edit: You're probably right about your mother. I think the only way to avoid that is by getting a good therapist who is interested in your health. I wish I had better recommendations.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> If you believe that you're worthless then you won't explore your talents or gifts. You'll just assume that you don't have any, or that you're not remarkable in any way. You won't have any faith in yourself. So they never grow.
> 
> Remember this?
> 
> ...


Yeah, I remember that picture. I posted it because I didn't completely understood it. But...hmm. Honestly, I don't know how to respond to what you said. Sorry for that.

Everything you're telling me here goes directly against my own thoughts and opinions. Sorry if that came out angry, I'm not. I just don't know how to respond, since I can't really think of a respond at all.

No one here in real life seems to listen to me. The organization now thinks the problem lies with me, while I keep telling them it isn't true. How would you get heart palpitations, pain around the heart, difficulty falling asleep because you're worried and stressed out, from gaming? And I don't even game the whole day, my mother (and now as well other people) think that if someone is behind their laptop or tablet, they're instantly gaming. So, here SAS is a gaming platform by her point of view.

I got no one here in real life, no one who wants to believe me. If I would go to the hospital, I can say goodbye on my home, and probably will wander on the streets.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Yeah, I remember that picture. I posted it because I didn't completely understood it. But...hmm. Honestly, I don't know how to respond to what you said. Sorry for that.
> 
> Everything you're telling me here goes directly against my own thoughts and opinions. Sorry if that came out angry, I'm not. I just don't know how to respond, since I can't really think of a respond at all.
> 
> ...


Those are symptoms of anxiety. You wouldn't get them from gaming. It doesn't sound like a very good organization. You need a second opinion from a real therapist, not from whoever these people are.

And yeah, I know it will go against what you think. You've got a lot of experiences to back up your feelings of worthlessness because you've believed it for a long time. You believe that you're worthless, so you see your weaknesses and failings and remember those. If you'd been convinced that you were a wonderful person, you'd see your strengths and accomplishments and remember those instead.

I wish I could be more help but it's very late here (6 AM) and I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week. I'm afraid I'm just too tired to keep going right now.  Just think about what I've said.


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## jolene23 (Nov 23, 2017)

I'm telling you this for days, but I'll tell you again here. You are so young and have whole life in front of you. I understand it's hard, but you have to fight. And you only had one appointment with that organisation, wait and see. I still don't believe that they already took sides with your mother.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Those are symptoms of anxiety. You wouldn't get them from gaming. It doesn't sound like a very good organization. You need a second opinion from a real therapist, not from whoever these people are.
> 
> And yeah, I know it will go against what you think. You've got a lot of experiences to back up your feelings of worthlessness because you've believed it for a long time. You believe that you're worthless, so you see your weaknesses and failings and remember those. If you'd been convinced that you were a wonderful person, you'd see your strengths and accomplishments and remember those instead.
> 
> I wish I could be more help but it's very late here (6 AM) and I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week. I'm afraid I'm just too tired to keep going right now.  Just think about what I've said.


Yeah, I also found out that the heart palpitations are fore warnings of a heart attack. So, there's that. Right now I got honestly no idea what to do. But I'm already doubting so, you did your job I think.

I mean, if I'm sure that in the hospital I'm safe from my own family, as well as after the hospital, I'd be willing to take that risk.

That's fine, you've done enough already. Sleep well.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

jolene23 said:


> I'm telling you this for days, but I'll tell you again here. You are so young and have whole life in front of you. I understand it's hard, but you have to fight. And you only had one appointment with that organisation, wait and see. I still don't believe that they already took sides with your mother.


I've had 3 appointments, plus 1 with my mother, making it 4. I'll know for sure if they did at friday.

I have to fight, but with what. I'm out of ammo, out of oil, out of willpower. I got nothing to throw into battle.


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## jolene23 (Nov 23, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> I've had 3 appointments, plus 1 with my mother, making it 4. I'll know for sure if they did at friday.
> 
> I have to fight, but with what. I'm out of ammo, out of oil, out of willpower. I got nothing to throw into battle.


Just reconsider your decision.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Yeah, I also found out that the heart palpitations are fore warnings of a heart attack. So, there's that. Right now I got honestly no idea what to do. But I'm already doubting so, you did your job I think.
> 
> I mean, if I'm sure that in the hospital I'm safe from my own family, as well as after the hospital, I'd be willing to take that risk.
> 
> That's fine, you've done enough already. Sleep well.


No...as a former paramedic, palpitations are not fore warnings of a heart attack, especially for someone your age.

You have classic symptoms of anxiety.

While nothing is impossible or absolute, please don't use that as further support for your decisions.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> No...as a former paramedic, palpitations are not fore warnings of a heart attack, especially for someone your age.
> 
> You have classic symptoms of anxiety.
> 
> While nothing is impossible or absolute, please don't use that as further support for your decisions.


Sorry, I just have to rely on the internet mainly. Didn't meant to annoy you with it. :/


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Sorry, I just have to rely on the internet mainly. Didn't meant to annoy you with it. :/


You didn't annoy me at all. I just wanted you to exclude your physical symptoms from your list of reasons.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> You didn't annoy me at all. I just wanted you to exclude your physical symptoms from your list of reasons.


Oh okay, good to know. Well, I got a whole list, what I mentioned above is maybe 20%. But, thank you.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Yeah, I also found out that the heart palpitations are fore warnings of a heart attack. So, there's that. Right now I got honestly no idea what to do. But I'm already doubting so, you did your job I think.
> 
> I mean, if I'm sure that in the hospital I'm safe from my own family, as well as after the hospital, I'd be willing to take that risk.
> 
> That's fine, you've done enough already. Sleep well.


I've been to the hospital a couple times for chest pains, heart palpitations, heart flutters, dizziness, and numbness and they couldn't find anything. Those are all symptoms of anxiety. Considering your age, and the amount of stress you're experiencing, it's almost certainly anxiety.

You still have to find out what they say Friday. Even if they do side with your mother, that doesn't mean another mental health professional would agree with them, which is why you should try to get a second opinion. But if you can't find someone to give you another opinion, I would go to the hospital. Like I said, at this point you have nothing to lose. You can always keep your other plan as a backup.

You're a perfectly good, worthwhile person. You've just been convinced otherwise. You have to take that step, just like that elephant, and have faith in yourself.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> I've been to the hospital a couple times for chest pains, heart palpitations, heart flutters, dizziness, and numbness and they couldn't find anything. Those are all symptoms of anxiety. Considering your age, and the amount of stress you're experiencing, it's almost certainly anxiety.
> 
> You still have to find out what they say Friday. Even if they do side with your mother, that doesn't mean another mental health professional would agree with them, which is why you should try to get a second opinion. But if you can't find someone to give you another opinion, I would go to the hospital. Like I said, at this point you have nothing to lose. You can always keep your other plan as a backup.
> 
> You're a perfectly good, worthwhile person. You've just been convinced otherwise. You have to take that step, just like that elephant, and have faith in yourself.


Well, that's a relieve, I think. But I mostly have those when I'm around my family, especially around my mother.

I know, but the chance of them believing my mother, is high. And my mother told me she went to other doctors/therapists, and they told her that these symptoms aren't caused by stress and/or my mother, but by game-addiction. But since when do you get pain around your heart when gaming? (Well, if you get jumpscared but I don't play those games lol). Before I can go anywhere else, my mother already convinced the personnel that it's my fault. At that point, it's not even worth trying anymore.

I don't see it that way, sorry. I just can't believe your words. Maybe it has always been meant to be that I won't get older than 18.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Well, that's a relieve, I think. But I mostly have those when I'm around my family, especially around my mother.
> 
> I know, but the chance of them believing my mother, is high. And my mother told me she went to other doctors/therapists, and they told her that these symptoms aren't caused by stress and/or my mother, but by game-addiction. But since when do you get pain around your heart when gaming? (Well, if you get jumpscared but I don't play those games lol). Before I can go anywhere else, my mother already convinced the personnel that it's my fault. At that point, it's not even worth trying anymore.
> 
> I don't see it that way, sorry. I just can't believe your words. Maybe it has always been meant to be that I won't get older than 18.


Why do you think they believe your mother? Because she told you? She could be lying about that, and about talking to other people, to discourage you from talking to them. And even if she did talk to them, she could be lying about what they told her. I wouldn't believe anything your mother says. Talk to them yourself.

I wouldn't be trying to help if I didn't believe you were worth helping.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Why do you think they believe your mother? Because she told you? She could be lying about that, and about talking to other people, to discourage you from talking to them. And even if she did talk to them, she could be lying about what they told her. I wouldn't believe anything your mother says. Talk to them yourself.
> 
> I wouldn't be trying to help if I didn't believe you were worth helping.


Well, my mother told me it. I didn't hear them speak for themselves. Plus, she knows someone at the organization I'll be having an appointment at, and will use that person to know what I've discussed with the people.

That would make sense, but still, I don't see how I am of importance. It's just 'me' after all.

What would you suggest me to do then?


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Well, my mother told me it. I didn't hear them speak for themselves. Plus, she knows someone at the organization I'll be having an appointment at, and will use that person to know what I've discussed with the people.
> 
> That would make sense, but still, I don't see how I am of importance. It's just 'me' after all.
> 
> What would you suggest me to do then?


I think that would be a violation of confidentiality, but who knows. I'm not sure what else to suggest, other than waiting to see what they say, then getting a second opinion if they're not going to help you. If you can't find another therapist/social worker, go to the hospital.

Everyone is "just me". Why are you less important than other people? Because you haven't been as lucky as them? All the more reason you deserve a chance. I don't believe some people are more important than others.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> I think that would be a violation of confidentiality, but who knows. I'm not sure what else to suggest, other than waiting to see what they say, then getting a second opinion if they're not going to help you. If you can't find another therapist/social worker, go to the hospital.
> 
> Everyone is "just me". Why are you less important than other people? Because you haven't been as lucky as them? All the more reason you deserve a chance. I don't believe some people are more important than others.


Well, I was already planning to see what they have to say, AND if they want to help me. If I can't go anywhere else, getting away from my family, it won't end well for me. And if I go to the hospital, I am not able to return home without getting attacked (with words) by my family, which then results in being suicidal again.

Because I'm just not worth anything. I'm not good at anything, I don't got any talents, nor has anyone told me I'm good at something.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Well, I was already planning to see what they have to say, AND if they want to help me. If I can't go anywhere else, getting away from my family, it won't end well for me. And if I go to the hospital, I am not able to return home without getting attacked (with words) by my family, which then results in being suicidal again.
> 
> Because I'm just not worth anything. I'm not good at anything, I don't got any talents, nor has anyone told me I'm good at something.


Should people who aren't good at anything feel bad about themselves? If someone said to you: "I'm not good at anything" would you tell them they're worthless?


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Should people who aren't good at anything feel bad about themselves? If someone said to you: "I'm not good at anything" would you tell them they're worthless?


Of course not. First of all that's rude to say, and second everyone is worth something, even if the person thinks he/she is not. Except for me though.

I think I have a plan but I'm not sure if it will work out correctly.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Of course not. First of all that's rude to say, and second everyone is worth something, even if the person thinks he/she is not. Except for me though.
> 
> I think I have a plan but I'm not sure if it will work out correctly.


Can you not tell yourself that you are worth something, even if you think you're not? Your mother hasn't done that for you, so you need to do it yourself.

This is what I said before about being on your own team. You have no way to defend yourself from calling yourself worthless. If your mother is calling you worthless, and you're calling yourself worthless, then you're on your mother's team, not your own team. Every time you call yourself worthless you're supporting your mother, just like your brother does.

Is that plan a way to get yourself help and support? Or a way to get away from your family?


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Can you not tell yourself that you are worth something, even if you think you're not? Your mother hasn't done that for you, so you need to do it yourself.
> 
> This is what I said before about being on your own team. You have no way to defend yourself from calling yourself worthless. If your mother is calling you worthless, and you're calling yourself worthless, then you're on your mother's team, not your own team. Every time you call yourself worthless you're supporting your mother, just like your brother does.
> 
> Is that plan a way to get yourself help and support? Or a way to get away from your family?


But isn't that selfish and arrogant to do? I learned from my mother that worth comes with talents, achievements etc.

That makes sense, but confuses me again. :con I don't want to support them, not at all. But then again I am worthless, but by saying so I support them, which I don't want. I think I'm having a logic overload, lol.

Well, I got the following plan in my head:

Today I got that appointment which I will go to. And then I'll see what they have to say about the situation, plus will I mention that I no longer can live at home.

In case they can't, or won't, help me with finding another place to live, then I'll wait till Sunday on what to do. Either suicide, or what you proposed, the hospital. With both, there is no return.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> But isn't that selfish and arrogant to do? I learned from my mother that worth comes with talents, achievements etc.
> 
> That makes sense, but confuses me again. :con I don't want to support them, not at all. But then again I am worthless, but by saying so I support them, which I don't want. I think I'm having a logic overload, lol.
> 
> ...


No, it's not selfish or arrogant. If you believed that you had worth you would have the confidence to try things, to develop your talents, to go after achievements. It's the feeling that you're worthless that stops you from doing those things.

Let's pretend that Robert feels like a worthwhile person. Because he feels worthwhile, he feels good about himself and he doesn't mind talking to people and pursuing his interests. Because he isn't afraid to do these things, he gets better and better at them. Then one day something happens and he suddenly believes that he's worthless. All of a sudden, he's afraid to talk to people and afraid to do things. It's his feeling that he is worthless that stops him from having more achievements.

That's what happens, isn't it? People get depressed and they stop doing anything because everything feels pointless. Well, sometimes children feel that way before they ever get a chance to start doing things. They feel like it's pointless to try because they believe that they're worthless. Then by the time they're grown up, they can't think of a single thing that they're good at. But they've never been worth less than other people. They have talents and skills buried inside them, but never had the confidence to develop them.

Go to the hospital if you have to. The other thing is the very last thing you can do.

I'm tired again and need to try to sleep. I hope things go well. :squeeze


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> No, it's not selfish or arrogant. If you believed that you had worth you would have the confidence to try things, to develop your talents, to go after achievements. It's the feeling that you're worthless that stops you from doing those things.
> 
> Let's pretend that Robert feels like a worthwhile person. Because he feels worthwhile, he feels good about himself and he doesn't mind talking to people and pursuing his interests. Because he isn't afraid to do these things, he gets better and better at them. Then one day something happens and he suddenly believes that he's worthless. All of a sudden, he's afraid to talk to people and afraid to do things. It's his feeling that he is worthless that stops him from having more achievements.
> 
> ...


Well, you need to have talents or have achieved great things in order to be worth anything, right? I don't know really, everything you're saying confuses my way of thinking.

Again, it confuses me. It's like telling a Christian god doesn't exist. Although I won't go against your arguments, I want to believe you, but for some reason I can't.

When I was younger, the motivation from my mother was "Get good grades, or else". Of course, not exactly in that type of phrase, but it sums it up. And I'm always walking in the shadow of my younger brother. Everytime when our grandma is eating with us (mostly every saturday), my mother talks about how great my brother is. Then my brother compares me to him, putting me always down.

I know, I'll just wait out for the appointment for now.

That's okay, sleep well.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Well, you need to have talents or have achieved great things in order to be worth anything, right? I don't know really, everything you're saying confuses my way of thinking.
> 
> Again, it confuses me. It's like telling a Christian god doesn't exist. Although I won't go against your arguments, I want to believe you, but for some reason I can't.
> 
> ...


You just need to be a good person to have worth.

You're a good person. You have worth.

Ignore the TV and movie depiction of a successful life.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> You just need to be a good person to have worth.
> 
> You're a good person. You have worth.
> 
> Ignore the TV and movie depiction of a successful life.


I'm only nice to people, that's all. :/


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> I'm only nice to people, that's all. :/


Absolutely. You're doing better than so many others who only bring pain.

You're worth more than them.

Be proud of your talent to bring someone a smile with your kindness.

Don't take that for granted. The world needs simple kindness more than ever.

Keep being that energy.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> Absolutely. You're doing better than so many others who only bring pain.
> 
> You're worth more than them.
> 
> ...


Which means I'm more worth than my mother, who only brings pain in my life. Or is that taken too far?

I don't like being rude to people, with kindness you can reach a whole lot more. At least that's my opinion.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Which means I'm more worth than my mother, who only brings pain in my life. Or is that taken too far?
> 
> I don't like being rude to people, with kindness you can reach a whole lot more. At least that's my opinion.


Yes...you got it.

The world does need you. We all have to make even the smallest differences all around us for it to work.

You don't solve world hunger alone...you do something that feeds one person while so many other good people do the same.

Good souls are harder to find...please stay.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> Yes...you got it.
> 
> The world does need you. We all have to make even the smallest differences all around us for it to work.
> 
> ...


It's not easy to stay, once I'm home, and especially since the weekend hits, the suicidal thoughts will take over again. And as far as I know there is no way I can leave my house.


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## Ms kim (May 15, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> Well, you need to have talents or have achieved great things in order to be worth anything, right? I don't know really, everything you're saying confuses my way of thinking.
> 
> Again, it confuses me. It's like telling a Christian god doesn't exist. Although I won't go against your arguments, I want to believe you, but for some reason I can't.
> 
> ...


If you were a Christian then you would understand your worth. A Christian's worth comes from trusting in God, not from doing great things to impress ourselves or others.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Ms kim said:


> If you were a Christian then you would understand your worth. A Christian's worth comes from trusting in God, not from doing great things to impress ourselves or others.


I'm sorry, but I like being an atheist. But as you say, you need a god to have worth?


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## pillarsofcreation (Sep 14, 2017)

Please like me and others here are suggesting, just go to the hospital, to the emergency room. the only thing you have to say is that you're suffering from suicidal thoughts and don't worry what will happen next. You're a good person and you're worth it, your life is worth it.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

pillarsofcreation said:


> Please like me and others here are suggesting, just go to the hospital, to the emergency room. the only thing you have to say is that you're suffering from suicidal thoughts and don't worry what will happen next. You're a good person and you're worth it, your life is worth it.


I'm not even sure if we have that here. I really appreciate all your help, but Ithink it's just too late for me. Even if I would go to the hospital, they'll put me back at my mother, and it'll start all over again.


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## pillarsofcreation (Sep 14, 2017)

You're not sure, then go and check yourself!

I am sure you have, though. They will help you in any hospital in the world with the problem like that. Especially in a high-developed country like Netherlands. I am more than sure that it will work.

And no, it's not too late. They would put you back at your mother's? Well, no, if your condition was still very bad after the visit at the hospital, they could direct you to some kind of a mental health institution/ psychiatric hospital, where they could help you out with professional help. They won't just leave you, they will help you. Then you could decide what to do next, come back to your mother's house or somewhere else, for example a hostel before renting a room yourself or something like that (if the situation at your home is unbearable). It's never too late.

You can also call a suicide prevention helpline and ask all the questions you need answer for. 
https://www.government.nl/topics/me...on-and-answer/help-for-mental-health-problems

Also if you're worried about the costs, this is from the netherlands' government page:
'The first three years of a patient's stay in a mental health institution are now covered by the Healthcare Insurance Act (ZVW). After that, the patient falls under the Chronic Care Act, provided they have a positive WLZ care needs assessment.'
http://www.ggznederland.nl/pagina/english
https://www.zorgkaartnederland.nl/ggz
*https://www.113.nl/english - apparently 113 is a suicide prevention line in Netherlands.*

Go to your GP (doctor), hospital, call the suicide line. There is so much you can do. Don't give up, please.



EarthDominator said:


> I'm not even sure if we have that here. I really appreciate all your help, but Ithink it's just too late for me. Even if I would go to the hospital, they'll put me back at my mother, and it'll start all over again.


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## pillarsofcreation (Sep 14, 2017)

By the way, are you going to have more appointments with that organisation? Did they come up with a plan for you? I don't want to believe they just said you have to solve your problems with your mother on your own? Well, the most important thing for you to do is to get help with your mental problems. Psychologist. Therapy. Hospital. Can't say this enough.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

pillarsofcreation said:


> By the way, are you going to have more appointments with that organisation? Did they come up with a plan for you? I don't want to believe they just said you have to solve your problems with your mother on your own? Well, the most important thing for you to do is to get help with your mental problems. Psychologist. Therapy. Hospital. Can't say this enough.


(Reacting on both posts)

How am I able to even reach the hospital? I only have my bike. It's 15km away, I got no idea how to drive to it.

Next appointment is scheduled for friday, but I won't be waiting on that. And they came up with a plan, which isn't much of use. They told me I need to talk more at home and do more things with them. I tried to, but it doesn't work. It's difficult to explain in English, but I can say that they ignore me and complain.

I know, I know. Sigh...I don't really know. And if I would go, I'd be labeled as a mentally sick, or as a psycho. Especially my family, which I can't and won't return to.


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## pillarsofcreation (Sep 14, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> (Reacting on both posts)
> 
> How am I able to even reach the hospital? I only have my bike. It's 15km away, I got no idea how to drive to it.
> 
> ...


*Take a bus/train*/ask your mother to give you a ride, at most and when you really feel like you can harm yourself - call an ambulance? I would go with the first two though. I am sure it's not that difficult, just check how to get there on google maps or something. 15 km is not that far away, depends how easy it is to get there it might take you 30 mins up to an hour maybe. Take a taxi/ an uber? Even by bike it would be something like an hour! :grin2:

*Remember about the suicide line as well. Or your GP. *

And about your family thinking you're mentally ill? Well, screw them then! It's not that important what others think about you. Most people are more progressive than that and wouldn't think there's something wrong with you if they knew you were in a mental hospital. Anyway, no one has to know after you're out of that place (I mean people you'll meet after that).


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

pillarsofcreation said:


> *Take a bus/train*/ask your mother to give you a ride, at most and when you really feel like you can harm yourself - call an ambulance? I would go with the first two though. I am sure it's not that difficult, just check how to get there on google maps or something. 15 km is not that far away, depends how easy it is to get there it might take you 30 mins up to an hour maybe. Take a taxi/ an uber? Even by bike it would be something like an hour! :grin2:
> 
> *Remember about the suicide line as well. Or your GP. *
> 
> And about your family thinking you're mentally ill? Well, screw them then! It's not that important what others think about you. Most people are more progressive than that and wouldn't think there's something wrong with you if they knew you were in a mental hospital. Anyway, no one has to know after you're out of that place (I mean people you'll meet after that).


Bus might be a possibility, though I'm not sure if my OV-card has money on it. Trains don't go there, sadly. Ask my mother? No thanks, I rather die. It's reachable, and I used to cyle around 11km 3 years ago, but still. A taxi might be a possibility, and can remain unseen. Hmm, taxi yeah.

I know, not sure if I'd contact them considering I don't want police at the door.

It is when you need to return to them, even if the suicidal feelings will return once I am home again. I just wished I could leave my family behind, and make new contacts like my friends online.


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## pillarsofcreation (Sep 14, 2017)

EarthDominator said:


> Bus might be a possibility, though I'm not sure if my OV-card has money on it. Trains don't go there, sadly. Ask my mother? No thanks, I rather die. It's reachable, and I used to cyle around 11km 3 years ago, but still. A taxi might be a possibility, and can remain unseen. Hmm, taxi yeah.
> 
> I know, not sure if I'd contact them considering I don't want police at the door.
> 
> It is when you need to return to them, even if the suicidal feelings will return once I am home again.* I just wished I could leave my family behind, and make new contacts like my friends online.*


I believe in you, you can do it. Everything will be ok, eventually. Just get help and after that you'll sort everything out. You won't live with your family forever, it's all just temporary.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

pillarsofcreation said:


> I believe in you, you can do it. Everything will be ok, eventually. Just get help and after that you'll sort everything out. You won't live with your family forever, it's all just temporary.


I'll think about it, about everything. I'm heading to bed now though, I'm tired and I don't feel really well. Tomorrow I'm still here, promise.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Listen to @pillarsofcreation , @EarthDominator . We're rooting for you. We can talk more about self-worth, self-esteem, and stuff if you want when you're ready.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

truant said:


> Listen to @pillarsofcreation , @EarthDominator . We're rooting for you. We can talk more about self-worth, self-esteem, and stuff if you want when you're ready.


I know. But if I would go to the hospital, I don't want to return home anymore. And the chance people will listen to me here is almost non-existent. No one takes me seriously.


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

EarthDominator said:


> And the chance people will listen to me here is almost non-existent. No one takes me seriously.


What makes you say that? Surely if you explain to them that you are suicidal and that you don't wish to remain with your family anymore because they are the reason for your suicidal feelings, they will not turn you away? It's difficult to imagine how any hospital in such a developed country would cast you away if you told them those things.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Lohikaarme said:


> What makes you say that? Surely if you explain to them that you are suicidal and that you don't wish to remain with your family anymore because they are the reason for your suicidal feelings, they will not turn you away? It's difficult to imagine how any hospital in such a developed country would cast you away if you told them those things.


Till the current date, I'm not believed by anyone. The organization doesn't believe me anymore, which they used to but my mother convinced them it was all my fault. If you want a more detailed (and personal) explaination then PM if you are able to. (<-- I hope that didn't sound rude)


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

Update:

I've called the suicide prevention chat, and the doctor. Currently, there will be a longer traject to move out here. Though, I may have a huge problem since the doctor came with an ambulance, and my neighbours saw this.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

EarthDominator said:


> Update:
> 
> I've called the suicide prevention chat, and the doctor. Currently, there will be a longer traject to move out here. Though, I may have a huge problem since the doctor came with an ambulance, and my neighbours saw this.


I'm proud of you. Oh...and fug the neighbors. You'll be away from there sooner than later. They can bite a dick.


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## EarthDominator (Sep 10, 2017)

SofaKing said:


> I'm proud of you. Oh...and fug the neighbors. You'll be away from there sooner than later. They can bite a dick.


It's the fact they will tell my mother. That's the main problem, but I already have an excuse, which is hopefully enough. Although a doctor would came, 2 doctors and a paramedic came as well?


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