# Looking Young



## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

I find it hard to talk to people, my eyes get teary when I'm in public, my voice gets shaky, all the usual SA stuff but most of my social anxiety comes from not looking my age. I'm 26 and I look 18 and I'm not just saying that due to low confidence or low self-esteem but because its fact. 

I get commented on how young I look on a daily basis (no exaggeration) so this just reinforces the fact. I dread meeting new people because I'm scared they will ask me my age and whenever I give them a truthful answer they spit out their coffee or make a deal out of how ''Wow you really don't look your age, you look 18''. I can't deal with the humiliation and attention and so now I just lie and tell everyone I'm 19. But then I feel like a fraud, I don't want to a live a lie, it's so frustrating! I feel like I don't get respected, I mean why do they have to make a big deal how young I look yet it gets brought up all the time. When I go to a bar I get stared at a lot and comments like "why are they letting school kids in here now?" I wish I was a normal guy who looked his age. Now I wont go anywhere where there is a chance people will find out my age. For eg. I won't go get a haircut, open a bank account, get a job, go to the doctors, go to a bar just to name a few. What kind of life is this if I can't even do basic things like get a haircut? I'm sorry I'm rambling on here but I've got a lot to get off my chest. I've felt this way since I turned 18. I want to get help but I'm too scared to see a therapist, 8 years later and still have no courage.

I feel like I'm stuck, I mean looking young is something I can't change because it's physical and genetical so I feel helpless. It's getting worse obviously because the older I get the harder it is, I'm getting older but I'm not ageing. Maybe there's something wrong with me?

Does anyone else feel like this? Please Help!


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## KittyGirl (May 14, 2010)

I think you're just a bit confused... it's fine.

I'm 22 and people constantly say that I look like a 15 year old. I get carded all over the place and can only audition for young teenage roles- which seriously limits the amount of jobs that I can take as an actress.

I've heard over and over again that confidence is key in pretty much everything... a confident 16 year old can buy a pack of smokes without I.D, or pick up a case of beer. Not because they look old enough, but because they seem confident in their age, I think.

If you had more confidence in who you were as a person, I'm sure people would change their view of you.
It's much harder than just saying; 'yeah- be confident' and you're magically not socially awkward anymore... I know... but if you can find things little by little that you like about yourself, I'm sure you won't care how you look and people wouldn't judge you in that way.

I've got the same problem. Confidence issues.
Hopefully one day I'll be able to like myself.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I feel the same, im 30 and look a lot younger.

When i first left school and started working people were always asking when my work experience was finishing :roll i would always get asked for i.d. going into bars and buying alcohol, even when i was into early 20's (legal drinking age is 18 over here) although when i was in my mid 20's i started losing my hair so im bald now and i have stubble on my face which both makes me look a bit older, but i still look young and still get people commenting from time to time, although not as much as when i was younger. I also find myself avoiding situations were i'll have to reveal my age to people and also dont tell people how old i am as im sick of people making a big deal out of it.

Its also very difficult to meet girls my own age as they always think im younger than them :afr

The only advice i can offer you is to maybe wear 'older' clothes, i dont know what you wear but i find that when i wear trainers/sportswear i look younger. But when i go out i wear a smart pair of shoes, jacket, jeans and a designer top and people dont really say anything about me looking younger. And maybe dont shave regular, let your bread grow a bit. Maybe shave your hair too.

Good luck mate, i know it really sucks looking younger.


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I actually envy you. I'm 28, balding, and could pass for mid 30's. I'd love to look young still (I'd prefer early 20's), so I could go back to university or start a band and not look mature-age... not to trivialize your situation. We're just on 2 different ends of the spectrum, that suck just as hard as each other.


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## AceRimmer (Nov 12, 2008)

I used to be someone who was mistaken for someone 6-8 years younger. Now with the baldness and wrinkles, I look older than I am. Enjoy it. People pay a lot of money to get what you have naturally.


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## hadora (Jan 30, 2010)

I have noticed that alot of people (including me) that suffer of a form of SA or shyness looks very young compared to their age
maybe there are a link between SA and looking young


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## ItemEleven (Apr 1, 2009)

^^ maybe it's more of a link between SA and acting young/looking young.

If you walk into a store to buy a bottle of wine. Act nervous. Avoid eye contact. Your bound to get asked for I.D. even if your obviously over the legal age limit (talking about myself here)


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Or maybe its because people with SA dont go out much or really do anything so we dont age as fast as other people. :afr


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## CeilingStarer (Dec 29, 2009)

I think the constant worry/stress has aged me more and certainly caused me to go bald quicker. I've gone from looking mid-20's to 30-something within about 18 months. It just so happens that I've been stress-out/depressed like never before during this period. Real gut-wrenching, "I'm old and my future is actually ****ed" type stress.


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## extremecaseofsocialphobia (Apr 10, 2010)

Yes I read the sun ages the skin not drinking, not using drugs, not partying hard not staying up late all the time helps too have you seen recent pictures of Lindsay Lohan? I used to think she was so beautiful her lifestyle has taken a toll on her looks she looks so much older now.



nemesis1 said:


> Or maybe its because people with SA dont go out much or really do anything so we dont age as fast as other people. :afr


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## Crystalline (Dec 1, 2008)

Some guys I know who have this problem tend to grow a mustache or beard to make them look older and dress accordingly. If you're in a tee and jeans vs. say a button down shirt and khakis I think it doesn't help much.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I'm 27 and people say I look 15 or 16. It's a serious shot to my confidence, and makes me feel inferior to other college students, even those that are 19-21 years old. I always feel like they're judging me for being younger, when in fact I'm much older than them.

It's gotten to the point where, although I hate facial hair, I'm growing a full length beard out. I'm about a week into it, and even though it will look like crap for a while, I'm not going to shave. I'd rather look like a bum than look like a 15 year old KID.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

If I could grow facial hair I would in a heartbeat but I can't except for a bit of a goatee  Because I know if I could grow facial hair and look older it would give me a confidence boost. It just plain sucks


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## Nathan18 (Sep 15, 2009)

Looking young sucks.

I'm almost 21, but I guess I look around 15. Having pretty much no facial hair doesn't help matters. If I could grow some, it would make me look a bit older.


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## SonicTraveller (May 12, 2010)

Yeah I've got this problem as well. 

I think dressing differently might help? I see some guys who look very young, but you wouldn't think that immediately when looking at them because they dress well and groom well. Maybe investing in some more stylish/mature clothing could be one way to protray being older when the natural looks aren't helping in that department. 

I think this is something I'm gonna try to pursue.


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## notcoolzeus (May 25, 2010)

I also look REALLY young. Whenever I tell people my age or get IDed I just laugh it off or make a joke about it. When someone is surprised by my age I'll say "I have good genes" or "I'm not actually 16." Yeah kinda lame but you can diffuse any awkward situation with humor.


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## cruisin (May 28, 2010)

I am the same. I'm 19 but look like I'm 16. 
So far no good has come from it.


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## bellmont (May 30, 2010)

looking young is a good thingg. i'm 20 about to turn 21 and people mistake my 17 year old brother and i for the same person. confidence combined with a youthful look works really well for me. try to view looking young as a healthy thing. and actually respond to looking young in a healthy way. with confidence. the only time it gets awkward is when i get looks or hit on by really young girls


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## deeds14 (Jul 9, 2009)

I have the same problem! I am also 26 and I get carded for everything - cigarettes, liquor, even R-rated movies. One thing I've learned that can make me look older is changing the way I dress. Keeping in style helps.


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm all too familiar with this. I'm 26 and hear comments that I look 16-18 every damn day. I chalk it up to my poor mental maturity. I guess I project the way younger people do.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

Flapjacker you're in the exact position as me, how do you deal with looking young?


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## danberado (Apr 22, 2010)

If you look younger then you are treated younger, and to be treated younger by your peers probably doesn't help social anxiety. It certainly didn't help mine.


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## shakeitup (Apr 8, 2010)

i am 18 and i have been told by 7 people today that i look 12! honestly!


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

danberado said:


> If you look younger then you are treated younger, and to be treated younger by your peers probably doesn't help social anxiety. It certainly didn't help mine.


It totally doesn't help at all. So basically I feel stuck because I'm not going to magically age overnight. So helpless


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

danberado said:


> If you look younger then you are treated younger, and to be treated younger by your peers probably doesn't help social anxiety. It certainly didn't help mine.


I defiantly agree with this.


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

Dude I feel ya it sucks I'm 20 and I look about 16, its so embarassing.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I looked really young, until I grew out my bad *** beard, now people think I'm in my 30's


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## Wehttam (Nov 6, 2009)

I got kicked out of a casino last year accused of using fake ID :|, I think it's a common problem amongst some of us...perhaps how we feel inside is somehow connected to our exterior physical development. Not long ago I got my first chest/arm hairs , puberty, here I come! again...


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## Hello22 (Feb 10, 2010)

Yep and today i got refused when buying alcohol - i'm 22 for crying out loud, 4 years over the legal age and i basically had to argue with the shop assistant for 5 minutes, and gave her all my ID's, and it still wasnt good enough, until she called the manager. Things like this makes me hate looking so young...


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## ZeroX4 (Feb 25, 2010)

Well, usually when I would be on my home from class (The classes would usually end pretty early, like 11 or so), those school patrol cops that get kids for cutting class often stop me and make me show them my College ID just to confirm that I'm not in High School.

And I'd hate to think how I would be treated if I were to go to a bar.


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## Dusky (Nov 5, 2009)

I remember when I first got out on my own in my early 20's, it seemed like people would constantly ask how old I was, or even say that they wanted to introduce me to their kid, which would take me aback and embarrass them somewhat when I mentioned how old I was. My height is short and I have a high voice, as well as trying to avoid the sun like the plague, but stress has not been my friend! I've had the odd white hair pop up now and again :b. Using my real photo on forums or such, I have been accused of stealing someone's photo to use as my own, since "that couldn't possibly be me". I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted :teeth


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm 37 and look 37. You'll be thrilled to look younger when you're this old.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

I shaved last night and now I look frigging 18 again. I need a trimmer to keep a minimum of stubble at all times.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

Ospi said:


> I shaved last night and now I look frigging 18 again. I need a trimmer to keep a minimum of stubble at all times.


thats what ive been doing for years and still look young :roll. i only get clean shaven if my life depends on it as i'd look about 18 too, except im 30


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

I compare myself to photos of people who are my age and 1-2 years younger and I don't look nearly as old as they do. One time I went to a middle school graduation and all of the girls looked way older than me (11-12 year olds looking like they were 25!).


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## tutliputli (Feb 22, 2009)

Yes, I think I do look young for my age. I'm nearly 24 but people tend to think I'm about 19. I don't mind, because it's not that much younger than my actual age. I have big, chubby cheeks and people tend to say I'm baby-faced. I think what really makes me seem younger than I am is my character/mannerisms. I'm very giggly and shy (obviously xD) and my SA makes me seem a bit childish. I tend to get patronised and babied, but I think that's more due to my personality than my appearance. I think everyone who gets told they look younger than they are will be grateful for it when they're older. My mum's 48 but people tend to think she's in her mid-thirties. That's definitely a good thing!


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## Smitten (Oct 30, 2006)

A lot of people think I'm about 16 and i'm nearly 25. I think it's because of the shape of my face :-/ Wearing heels, dressing more my age and wearing makeup helps.
Kate Maberly (actress from the secret garden) is 28 but she looks about 15 to me...it's the face shape that does it for sure


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## Octavius (Jun 8, 2010)

I like this thread. But, first of all, please allow me a little off-topic comment. Please do not get offended or anything. It's just that I am surprised to see how many socially anxious people long for going to a bar or for buying alcohol. I personally almost never go to a bar. I only do when I am invited and do not want to hurt the person by refusing. I am very grateful for any attention I get from others (because I get almost no attention from them), so, I do not want to deceive them. Although, whenever I accept to go to a bar, I suffer terribly and it lasts even several days until I recover. It is always a painful dilemma - shall I accept (and suffer) or refuse (and avoid suffering)? As for buying alcohol, I never do that. I am socially isolated, never go to parties, never invite anyone, never get invited to come to a party, so, I have no good reason to buy alcohol. If you're not an alcoholic, alcohol is always strongly associated with social life. Don't take this badly. I'm just surprised. Maybe social anxiety has degrees.

And, yes, I do look young for my age. I am 26 and people say I look "youngish" or call me a "young boy". I have had the surprised "youngish" comments also from doctors and nurses, who probably have an idea about what one is ""supposed"" to look like at different ages. People would not say I am older than 20, some would even think I am 17 or 18. I do not know how to feel about these comments. I feel flattered but at the same time I immeditely start to feel worried and insecure, as if I got reminded that something fundamental is wrong with me. And then, yes, it starts to hurt a little.

And, yes, I feel a terrible lack of respect from others. Even from those who know what my age is. I also get told that I look anxious, that I have frightened looks, which does not help in making a dominant and self-confident impression, I guess. Maybe I look like a frightened boy. I have always had serious self-confidence issues which are a result of a despotic family education. At least, that's what I have always thought. I have always had the impression that people treat me like a nothing, without respect. I have the feeling that other people always feel superior over me, that they are always ready to humiliate and berate me. Even some college teachers do so. My colleagues at work think they can do anything with me. I guess my younger look is not the only thing involved in this trouble with people, but it may be the starter. Who knows.

Physically, the only masculine thing about me is chest hair and facial hair (but even if I keep a stubble, I still get the surprised comments on my age). Curiously, I have not developped any other masculinity features. 

Mentally and socially, given my social anxiety, I do not feel like an adult male at all. I'm isolated and only have very few human contacts. No amorous relantionships. So, in a way, my young looks correspond to my young social and mental self.


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## xtina (Jan 3, 2010)

wait, how does saying you're 19 instead of their guess of 18 make a difference?

i get mixed comments. some say i look younger, some say i look older...probably because certain aspects of myself project different maturity levels.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

So how does everyone deal with it? 

I hate looking young and I know I do look young because I can see it every time I look in the mirror and the endless comments I receive about it. I think I look about 18 and I'm 26 now, I have a friend who thinks I look 24 and I shouldn't worry about it. They also think I just have confidence issues and that I don't really look a lot younger at all. This annoys me because it makes out to be that I'm crazy and delusional.

I know that if I have more confidence I would feel better about me looking young but I also want to LOOK older not just feel older.


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## Octavius (Jun 8, 2010)

Aus Tom said:


> So how does everyone deal with it?
> 
> I hate looking young and I know I do look young because I can see it every time I look in the mirror and the endless comments I receive about it. I think I look about 18 and I'm 26 now, I have a friend who thinks I look 24 and I shouldn't worry about it. They also think I just have confidence issues and that I don't really look a lot younger at all. This annoys me because it makes out to be that I'm crazy and delusional.
> 
> I know that if I have more confidence I would feel better about me looking young but I also want to LOOK older not just feel older.


Well, I think the very fact of worrying about what we look like and how others judge us apparently means that we have confidence issues. Our true problem is not so much our looks but the way we feel about it, i.e., our poor self-confidence and self-esteem. So, to change our looks in order to look older will probably not help since it does not resolve the true cause of the problem.

If you happened to successfully change your appearance in order to look older, you may start worrying again, this time worrying about looking too old for your age.


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## anxiousgirl79 (May 20, 2010)

I'm 30 and I still get carded...so I'm thrilled. But I had that problem when I was younger. I got pulled over by the police 3 times because they thought I was too young to drive.


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## Mr_nobody (Jan 30, 2007)

I have the same problem. I'm also 26 but look like I'm 18. It doesn't bother me quite so much anymore but it is frustrating. I don't buy alcohol often but when I do I definitely get carded and sometimes they even ask for a second piece of I.D. just to make sure I'm not using someone else' card. People outside of the family always think I'm the youngest when I'm actually the middle child (my sister is 2 years older than me and my brother is 3 years younger than me). 

Keep in mind that older people will always perceive you as being very young (age perspective). I have younger cousins who are turning 18 this year yet to me they still look like they're 12. But I understand that even people who are younger will sometimes see you as being younger than them. That happens to me all the time, too. Some people are just born with a perpetually child-like face.


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## heyJude (Aug 1, 2009)

Don't let it get you down. There's plenty of people who don't look their age. I'm 24 and look 16. I know a guy who's 34 and looks 17. If it really bothers you, try dressing differently and carry yourself with more confidence. Looking young isn't necessarily a thing to be ashamed about.


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## ktbare (Sep 13, 2009)

Embrace it guy's. I wish I looked younger than my age, but unfortunately I look about my age or older, I even have grey hair for gods sake lol. As I've gotten older my face has become more and more drawn and bonier or something, I wish I still had that youthful fullness.


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## veron (Apr 29, 2009)

I think SAS is the only place on earth were looking young is filed under "disorders" :b


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## Ysonesse (Dec 25, 2009)

I've always looked younger than my age, but it's done quite a number on my psyche in recent years. I'm usually mistaken for someone in their mid-20's, but I'm...well, about ten years past that age range, give or take a year the closer one would get to late 20's. Strangers look at me and assume that I'm a certain kind of person because they think I'm part of one age group. But I know that I've been alive for longer than they could believe (when I tell people my true age, they're usually pretty taken aback). It's created a split reality for myself on those occasions; simultaneous awareness of who the young person with my name used to be versus/in conjunction with the old hack that I am in the present. It's time travel via memory and stasis all in one uncomfortable suspended moment.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Get asked for ID when I'm clean shaven.
When I let it go I do not.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

ktbare said:


> Embrace it guy's. I wish I looked younger than my age, but unfortunately I look about my age or older, I even have grey hair for gods sake lol. As I've gotten older my face has become more and more drawn and bonier or something, I wish I still had that youthful fullness.


I think the general stereotype is that girls want to look younger but guys don't.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

I can't say this is a HUGE problem for me but it is sometimes. See, sometimes when I encounter a stranger and I end up doing something awkward and stupid, I can kinda get away with it thanks to me looking like a kid. But with people who actually know my age, doing awkward, stupid things and looking like a kid, that causes them to think I'm immature and they don't take me seriously. It's also awkward when I get hit on by younger people and they treat me like I'm their age or younger. It's also annoying when people MY age treat me like I'm younger.

Right now I'm 21 (turning 22 this month) and just about everyone thinks I'm 18 or 19. Normally on days when I don't wear much makeup and I have my hair up, I look like I'm 17. When I really was 18, everyone thought I was 15. When I was 15, everyone thought I was 12, lol. And see, I'm petite. I'm slender and 5'3", so yeah, I look like a teenager.

I guess I got it from my mom. My mom always tells me everyone thought she was a kid when she was my age (she was petite as well), and she STILL doesn't look her age. My mom looks about 15 years younger. I like being that way. I've seen a lot of girls my age that seriously look like they're 35. I think, man, if they look like that now, imagine how they're going to look when they really are 35??

The thing is, though, I don't even feel like I'm 21. I hate people treating me like a kid, but I really DO feel like a kid. I am not an immature person, but I don't feel like I'm mature either, mostly because of my stupid social anxiety. I've just never felt my age. It's almost as if I don't even have an age...

So yeah, this can be a problem to me sometimes but not all the time. 
It helps if you don't wear clothing that looks too teenager-like. Normally it's best to avoid colors that are too bright. For girls, that also goes for makeup. Wearing bright colors and shimmery things tend to make you look younger.


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## bunnie (Oct 15, 2007)

Aesthetically, I guess this a good thing in the long run, but socially? HA! It sucks. My boyfriend's children run all over me. I imagine they don't take me seriously at all, plus they are both tall for their ages. Plus people always talk to me in that patronizing way, you know calling me sweetie, hunny, kiddo?:roll

There is no doubt that this makes my SA worse.


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## emptybottle2 (Jan 18, 2009)

Guys, the solution is so damn easy. Get a wardrobe and hairstyle that makes you look older, wear "polished" makeup if you're a girl, grow a beard if you're a guy. I looked like a high school kid up until recently, in my mid-twenties, when I learned how to style myself to look like a professional. Now that I look more my age, I'm starting to freak out about fine lines that'll probably appear soon, and have been considering buying anti-aging skin products. I see lots of women my age who are already beginning to have skin like leather handbags (usually from tanning), and some guys my age with receding hairlines... So I hope you guys realize how lucky you are before this stuff starts happening to you.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

emptybottle2 said:


> Guys, the solution is so damn easy. Get a wardrobe and hairstyle that makes you look older, wear "polished" makeup if you're a girl, grow a beard if you're a guy. I looked like a high school kid up until recently, in my mid-twenties, when I learned how to style myself to look like a professional. Now that I look more my age, I'm starting to freak out about fine lines that'll probably appear soon, and have been considering buying anti-aging skin products. I see lots of women my age who are already beginning to have skin like leather handbags (usually from tanning), and some guys my age with receding hairlines... So I hope you guys realize how lucky you are before this stuff starts happening to you.


I can't grow a beard and wearing older clothes and having an older hairstyle only makes me look 18 instead of 16 and I'm 26. I'm stuck


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## stars88 (Apr 25, 2010)

IDK. I'm a girl. I look young. I hate it. People calling me "cute" or acting surprised when i tell them my real age. I have had mean comments about it, as well as ok comments. People say i will appreciate when i'm older. But i think everyone wants to look like they do in their early twenties, forever. Not like, 16. 
Anyhow, i do wear makeup etc. But don't know how to look older. Also i'm shy so i guess that adds to it. 
I guess it's not a big deal unless you want to get into bars, clubs etc. Well if you carry your id it's ok.. 
Meh. It's not such a big deal. Can't really change how we look can we? Looking younger is good i guess. Better than looking old at a young age.


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## lastresort (Jun 16, 2010)

I turned 30 this year and I've had people tell me i look 16 (that was a bit extreme, most people say low 20's). I get carded buying cigarettes (i tell them 'i'm 30 years old, man'- and they smile but they still card me) I used to hate it but believe me, once you hit the big 3-0, you're going to start liking it. 

A friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years told me that i'm finally starting to look my age and i was actually a little offended.


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## CabecitaSilenciosa (Jun 8, 2010)

I agree with emptybottle2, but I also agree with Aus Tom. Whenever I try to look older, it works, but I STILL look really young, lol. And it really is worse when you look that way AND you're shy.

And this:



bunnie said:


> Plus people always talk to me in that patronizing way, you know calling me sweetie, hunny, kiddo?:roll


Ugh, yeah.


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## F1X3R (Jul 20, 2009)

I did a poll question on looking young about a year ago. Looks like there's a correlation between SA and believing you look young or actually looking younger:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/lookyoung4yourage-78060/


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## james25 (Jan 1, 2010)

Hm, that's interesting. I don't think I look young for my age and never really have.


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## rerelatrocious (Jun 22, 2010)

I'm 18 and get told I look 13. Everyone wonders why I get really offended about it, but it really upsets me when someone says that.


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## oh hark (Jun 19, 2010)

I'm nearly 30 and people always think I'm a lot younger, like 18-22.


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## Aus Tom (May 20, 2010)

F1X3R said:


> I did a poll question on looking young about a year ago. Looks like there's a correlation between SA and believing you look young or actually looking younger:
> 
> http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/lookyoung4yourage-78060/


That's really interesting, it does look like there's a strong link between SA and looking young. Maybe if we have SA then we just think we look young but we don't really look young at all? But that wouldn't explain why we would get comments from other people saying we look young.

Anyway I'm going to see someone on Monday the 28th of June about my SA. I'm going to discuss with them about why I look young or think I look young and if there is a link between looking young and SA. I'll let you guys know what happens


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## Visionary (Apr 13, 2010)

Someone mistaken me as a 12-13 year old girl. They thought I was looking for my parents at the college. I had to explain to them that I attending classes there and was actually 21. 

The same thing also happened to me at work. A customer came up to me and asked, "They let teenagers work here?" I respond, "No..." He looks at me for a good minute or so, "Hmmm, How old are you?" I hesitate for a moment, "Uhhh, I'm 21, I'm passed the teenager stage." The guy looks confused, " huh, You look like a teenager. Really young."

Then he just leaves.


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## Misanthropic (Jun 25, 2010)

Aus Tom said:


> I find it hard to talk to people, my eyes get teary when I'm in public, my voice gets shaky, all the usual SA stuff but most of my social anxiety comes from not looking my age. I'm 26 and I look 18 and I'm not just saying that due to low confidence or low self-esteem but because its fact.
> 
> I get commented on how young I look on a daily basis (no exaggeration) so this just reinforces the fact. I dread meeting new people because I'm scared they will ask me my age and whenever I give them a truthful answer they spit out their coffee or make a deal out of how ''Wow you really don't look your age, you look 18''. I can't deal with the humiliation and attention and so now I just lie and tell everyone I'm 19. But then I feel like a fraud, I don't want to a live a lie, it's so frustrating! I feel like I don't get respected, I mean why do they have to make a big deal how young I look yet it gets brought up all the time. When I go to a bar I get stared at a lot and comments like "why are they letting school kids in here now?" I wish I was a normal guy who looked his age. Now I wont go anywhere where there is a chance people will find out my age. For eg. I won't go get a haircut, open a bank account, get a job, go to the doctors, go to a bar just to name a few. What kind of life is this if I can't even do basic things like get a haircut? I'm sorry I'm rambling on here but I've got a lot to get off my chest. I've felt this way since I turned 18. I want to get help but I'm too scared to see a therapist, 8 years later and still have no courage.
> 
> ...


I've also been told that I look younger than I am (I'm 24, people say that I look anywhere from 16-18).

Like I said in another thread, most human beings are shallow and unintelligent, they associate your personality with your physical appearance. If you're scrawny and you have a babyface, people will assume that you are submissive and helpless. They simply will not take you seriously as an equal or as an adult.


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## Glacial (Jun 16, 2010)

IMO, it's better to look younger than your age than older. Think about when you're older like 50, wouldn't you rather be told you look only 40? Most people want to maintain their youthful look.


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## JayDontCareEh (Jul 16, 2007)

Saving Face said:


> IMO, it's better to look younger than your age than older. Think about when you're older like 50, wouldn't you rather be told you look only 40? Most people want to maintain their youthful look.


I agree. I have no complaints.


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## MoonAngel (May 3, 2010)

I look younger than my age too.. People who don't know how old I am would often mistake me for being 13 or maybe 14 years old  But I don't really care about this though... It will sound like a compliment when I get older lol xD


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## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

MoonAngel said:


> I look younger than my age too.. People who don't know how old I am would often mistake me for being 13 or maybe 14 years old  But I don't really care about this though... It will sound like a compliment when I get older lol xD


Agreed, I feel like it's compliment to me. However, for many guys it can be much more different. It seems that females these days are looking for a older more "mature" man. Being or looking younger than the girl a guy is trying to attract can be really difficult :|

EDIT: Also, I have been told that I look 16


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## Miss Meggie (Nov 19, 2009)

I'm 22.
The other day, my younger brother's girlfriend's father was talking to my mom. He said he doesn't feel comfortable with his daughter hanging out at our house when I'm the only one home. (They're 15, so the parents don't exactly want them home alone.)
When I found this out, I was really offended. I thought that he must think I'm incompetent, stupid, etc.
Turns out he thought I was only 16 or 17.


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## imt (Sep 22, 2008)

It's can be a burden to pull girls who are my age, with them constantly thinking I'm some 15-16 year old (I'm eighteen). I don't care too much for this though, since it's not that big of an issue for me. This will definitely come in handy in my older years though.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

I'm thinking of moving away and telling people im 10 years younger than what i am........i could easily pass for it.


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## Josh90 (Aug 22, 2008)

It's both a gift and a curse.


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## terra (Feb 12, 2007)

I'm 25, but I definitely don't look it! People often think I'm as young as 16, but most often they guess I'm around 20. When I tell people my age, they're like "wow! You look so young! I thought you were [younger age]." I think part of the reason I look young is because I don't wear make-up and I'm short. It seems like most people my age have some sort of "aura" around them that makes it evident that they are adults. I don't have that. Maybe it's because I'm not authoritative or self-assured like most adults are. Maybe it's because when I go out, I'm most often accompanied by my mom, so people think that I must be her teenage daughter because what 25 year old goes to the grocery store with her mother all of the time? Maybe it's because when I'm out and about with my mom, I sometimes argue with her about something so people assume I'm the whiny teenage daughter? I don't feel 25 and I often don't act my age, probably because I'm so dependent on my parents and I live with them so I'm in living an extended adolescence of sorts--I get treated like a kid, so I act like one. The older I get, the more I feel like lying about my age--not because I want to be younger, but because I feel ridiculous and embarrassed when I tell my real age because there is such a disparity between my real age and the age I appear to most people. If there's an upside to looking young, it's this: you'll be thankful when you're 40+ and people mistake you for being in your early 30's! Or, so they say.


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## Jayne311 (Aug 20, 2009)

terra said:


> I'm 25, but I definitely don't look it! People often think I'm as young as 16, but most often they guess I'm around 20. When I tell people my age, they're like "wow! You look so young! I thought you were [younger age]." I think part of the reason I look young is because I don't wear make-up and I'm short. It seems like most people my age have some sort of "aura" around them that makes it evident that they are adults. I don't have that. Maybe it's because I'm not authoritative or self-assured like most adults are. Maybe it's because when I go out, I'm most often accompanied by my mom, so people think that I must be her teenage daughter because what 25 year old goes to the grocery store with her mother all of the time? Maybe it's because when I'm out and about with my mom, I sometimes argue with her about something so people assume I'm the whiny teenage daughter? I don't feel 25 and I often don't act my age, probably because I'm so dependent on my parents and I live with them so I'm in living an extended adolescence of sorts--I get treated like a kid, so I act like one. The older I get, the more I feel like lying about my age--not because I want to be younger, but because I feel ridiculous and embarrassed when I tell my real age because there is such a disparity between my real age and the age I appear to most people. If there's an upside to looking young, it's this: you'll be thankful when you're 40+ and people mistake you for being in your early 30's! Or, so they say.


This is exactly me too. I go everywhere with my mom, and I too seem to lack that "adult aura."

I sure will be happy about looking younger than I am once I'm at least 30, but for now, it's insulting to be told I look younger than my younger sister, or to have people constantly ask me what middle school I go to. I could compare it to the age when young kids start to care about having privacy when changing clothes or going to the bathroom or something; if their parents or someone taking care of them acts like they are too young to care about such things, or say it doesn't matter, it's embarrassing to the child. I feel similar when people assume I'm younger than I am.


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## wa11flower (Nov 22, 2010)

I force myself to go out everyday and have some sort of contact with the world outside of my own. I'm 23 years old and I am told ALL the time that I look like I'm 12 so I can totally understand what you're going through. I dread going out to eat because I am always brought a kids menu. It totally sucks. The only thing that keeps me from ripping their head off is the fact that they are ignorant. And I am constantly telling myself that because I am treated this way, I will never make somebody else feel that way, which is good and bad at the same time because I feel like I am always watching what I am saying and therefore I don't say anything at all... I've tried changing my appearance, the way I dress, anything that would make people see me differently but nothing seems to work. I've learned that changing yourself will just make you dislike yourself, so I refuse to lose who I am because of the ignorance of other people... It's lonely right now, but I have to remain hopeful that someday it will get better.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

I look younger then I am but girls or even anybody at all in real life still won't talk to me! they just won't come up and say something! invisible man checking in!


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## Robot the Human (Aug 20, 2010)

This one lady the other day said "What are you, about 16?" I told her I was 28. She seemed speechless. It felt pretty good.


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## JunkBondTrader (Nov 22, 2010)

I'm 19, but have been told I look 12 - 15. I'm extremely petite (5'3" and 100 lbs) so putting on makeup or dressing older doesn't do much. I really hate it and I think its caused me to feel worthless. People treat me like a child, tease me, patronize me. I haven't been able to keep a job because I always fear that people wouldn't want a "child" to serve them or whatever. I have never let a guy pursue me for a relationship (even when they have been pretty great guys) because I feel ashamed of my young looking body. 
That's very interesting about the correlation between SA and looking young though. I think it's because looking young makes people feel vulnerable and inferior to others so everyone seems much scarier than they actually are


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## Shrinking Violet (Oct 11, 2010)

I've had this problem for a while too. I think it's a combination of being short/young-looking, and a lack of social confidence. I hate it, and it makes me feel like people look down on me for it. I once had someone stop me at a gas station because they didn't think I was old enough to drive (even though I had been driving for about eight years). Annoying, but there are worse things.


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## kid a (Aug 26, 2010)

my eyes get teary too. why is that?


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## wa11flower (Nov 22, 2010)

I could see it being a compliment if you're 30 or older, but when you're in your late teens and early 20's, looking young stops you from doing things that you shouldn't have problems with doing. I should be able to go to a restaurant and be treated with respect, instead I'm being brought a kid's menu and not even apologized to when I say I'm not a child. And I've been told that it would make me feel better to stick up for myself and let it be known that I'm offended, but it doesn't help; the initial thought that I looked like a child and was then not even acknowledged as an adult is offensive.


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## Jayne311 (Aug 20, 2009)

Yesterday I went to thr grocery store, and as I was walking up to it, I was walking nearby an older woman. A woman who worked there gave her a cart she was pushing to the front, looked at me, and pushed the rest of the carts to where they go. When she saw me go to get one, she apologized because she thought I was with the other woman (meaning she thought I was her daughter) and said she would have given me a cart if she had known we weren't together. So it was embarrassing but not so bad, because she apologized.

Then I was in a really long line to check out, and another employee came up and took my cart, saying as they did so that I could be checked out in the express line even though I had a ton of things. But she didn't even come up to me and ask if I would like to move to another line. She actually took my cart and started to walk away with it, and then said she was moving me. If I looked older that probably wouldn't have happened. 

And today, some woman that I think was around my age (early 20's) said loudly to me, in front of other people, that I looked much younger than my age, and stood there and smiled at me like I was supposed to laugh or something. I didn't tell her she looked like she was about 14 because I'm considerate enough to know that would be rude of me.

One day when I'm thirty years old and I go to a restaurant with my friends and order a glass of wine and get asked to see I.D., I'll smile at the waiter and laugh with my friends later on and agree that yes, I do look young, it is nice, I'm very lucky. But being told you look 12 is demeaning and I've had enough. I'm going off on the next person.


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## Psychedilio (Feb 12, 2013)

*I think a lot of my anxiety comes from not looking my age*

I'm 23, turning 24 this year, but I look really young. Maybe in the 16-18 age range. If I had a dollar for every time someone pointed that out, I would have as much money as Bill Gates does (...well not really but you get the point). It's one of those things I'm really insecure about and the more people point it out, the more it affects my self-esteem and I just about want to barricade myself in my room like some Quasimodo and never see the light of day again. I don't know why it affects me so much... Maybe it's because I feel like they don't take me as seriously or there isn't mutual respect because they think I'm younger (especially when younger people talk down to you - oh my god). But it does affect me and it sucks because it's my genetics and I can't do sh*t about it. Does anyone else feel the same way?


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## dadadoom (Nov 14, 2013)

hadora said:


> I have noticed that alot of people (including me) that suffer of a form of SA or shyness looks very young compared to their age
> maybe there are a link between SA and looking young


Its because of being autistic, apparently. Look it up.

I even made a thread about how I plan to say I am like 4 years younger so new people I meet can believe I am a 19 year old virgin instead of a 23 year old virgin. It can be done, because people think I am younger! I think this is a positive thing.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

dadadoom said:


> Its because of being autistic, apparently. Look it up.
> 
> I even made a thread about how I plan to say I am like 4 years younger so new people I meet can believe I am a 19 year old virgin instead of a 23 year old virgin. It can be done, because people think I am younger! I think this is a positive thing.


You look like 23 ...


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## dadadoom (Nov 14, 2013)

Thats because of the goatee and the smirk. Believe me, shaved I look like 19.

Its not MY opinion, its something people say lately.


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## Jpalac21 (Aug 3, 2012)

Lol same for me, in high school I was those seniors that you looked like they were 13 year olds. I am now 24 and look 17. A little bit of beard has started growing , but still look 16/17. My face, and I have the body of a teenager also. It sucks if you are a man, but girls, men actually like that, if you are an adult and still look like a teen. In my university, bearded tall muscular guys go out with small skinny baby face girls that look 15.( Emma Watson and selena Gomez look like tennagers, and us guys adore them). Everywhere I go, not only do girls smile at me, even guys(that are not gay) guess I look that innocent, which in a man sucks


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

whats wrong with looking young? i dont get it.. you want to look old? bizarre.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> I'm 27 and people say I look 15 or 16. It's a serious shot to my confidence, and makes me feel inferior to other college students, even those that are 19-21 years old. I always feel like they're judging me for being younger, when in fact I'm much older than them.
> 
> It's gotten to the point where, although I hate facial hair, I'm growing a full length beard out. I'm about a week into it, and even though it will look like crap for a while, I'm not going to shave. I'd rather look like a bum than look like a 15 year old KID.


I am wondering how you aged.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

Yeah, I still have a little girl face and I am in my late 20s. The other week this woman asked me what high school I went to, lol.

I agree w/ the person that said looking young is both a gift and a curse.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

tea111red said:


> Yeah, I still have a little girl face and I am in my late 20s. The other week this woman asked me what high school I went to, lol.
> 
> I agree w/ the person that said looking young is both a gift and a curse.


So...what high school? :lol

It's more of a curse, though.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

sajs said:


> So...what high school? :lol
> 
> It's more of a curse, though.


Hehe.

I do enjoy getting a shocked reaction out of people, I will say.


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## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

tea111red said:


> Hehe.
> 
> I do enjoy getting a shocked reaction out of people, I will say.


Yes, but that changes when the minute you walk away they whisper about you, and trust me ... it happens.


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## Captainmycaptain (Sep 23, 2012)

Jpalac21 said:


> Lol same for me, in high school I was those seniors that you looked like they were 13 year olds. I am now 24 and look 17. A little bit of beard has started growing , but still look 16/17. My face, and I have the body of a teenager also. It sucks if you are a man, but girls, men actually like that, if you are an adult and still look like a teen. In my university, bearded tall muscular guys go out with small skinny baby face girls that look 15.( Emma Watson and selena Gomez look like tennagers, and us guys adore them). Everywhere I go, not only do girls smile at me, even guys(that are not gay) guess I look that innocent, which in a man sucks


You must be f'n with us. No way you are being serious.


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## MagicMatty29 (Oct 26, 2013)

I have the same issue, going on 27 and I look 16-18, just today I was buying a scratchcard and the clerk asked me for ID. People tend to be ageless in appearance these days


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