# Are you afraid of getting into a relationship?



## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

For those of you who are hesitant about relationships, what is causing the discomfort? Are trust issues at play? Fear of getting hurt? 

I'm turning 24 soon and reflecting on my love life, I'm still inexperienced and haven't been dating as much as most people my age. That itself doesn't bother me because I'd rather be alone than put up with a relationship I have no interest in, but what is concerning me is my inability to be completely comfortable about dating especially when it comes to blind dates or meeting people on dating sites. Long story short, I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself. But another part of me has conflicting feelings where I feel as if I'm missing out on potential meaningful relationships because of how I am too cautious. Relationships scare me but I am also curious, so I feel like I'm running with scissors at this point.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

No...being and remaining alone raises much more fear for me.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Mainly, I've been totally undesirable to guys my entire life, and have gotten a lot of ridicule from them, so if one were to show interest in me now, even if I was interested in return, I just don't think I could ever believe it was sincere. I think my horrible luck keeping friends would contribute to this fear--"If I've been unable to keep a platonic friend for very long, what makes me think I could keep a romantic relationship going?" (I've also had lots of friends suddenly turn on me in the most vicious ways...so I fear a guy expressing "romantic interest" could do the same. God that hurts.)

I would always suspect there's some ulterior motive, I guess. And even if I finally did believe the guy is sincere, I'd still feel I would always disappoint him...after all, I've disappointed all my platonic friends. :sigh

Oh, and the whole asexual thing, too.

ETA:



acidicwithpanic said:


> I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself.


I'm very sorry to hear that.  Much of my fear of _any _sort of interpersonal reactions is fear of unpleasant history repeating itself (though not in as severe a manner).


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

I don't think I'm afraid - I just don't think I could be bothered. I was hurt last time and hurt someone else in the process - relationships can be so bloody exhausting.

My latest therapist asked me if I was seeing anyone and my reaction made him laugh out loud. ( I think it was pretty loud and something along the lines of "God, no - they're so bloody annoying!" ) He did point out they don't always have to be like that - he's a very nice guy.

I think I'm quite happy being on my own - at least for a while. I would rather do things that I really want to do - and do them alone.


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## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Long story short, I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself.


Wow, I didn't know that. That is so horrible. That and going to prison are my two biggest fears.

I don't feel that I'm afraid of getting into a relationship, but I think that's how most people would define it for me. But there's a lot. I think I am bitter and jaded by past experiences. I look at other people's relationships, and no one has the type of relationship I'd like to have...which makes me feel like the type of relationship I'd like to have is not possible, which makes me feel like what's the point of dating and relationships, then. My parents' relationship is not bad, but..._*damn TV, movies and books*_! I'm a romantic, I want that romantic ideal, and _I don't see it anywhere_. And when I try to make it happen...it just seems like most women don't want that. I don't want to be like the guys who say women only like jerks and like to be treated like crap, because I don't think that's quite true. But I do think most women don't really want...how to explain...like, to know exactly how you feel about them. I feel like you're better off holding back and even playing games, and I don't know how to do that.

I also think that, even if I could get a girlfriend, there's no way she'd stay with me...so, again, I feel like what's the point. And I think that she'd get more of what she wants out of the relationship than I would. Those two ideas are directly based on past experiences.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

acidicwithpanic said:


> For those of you who are hesitant about relationships, what is causing the discomfort? Are trust issues at play? Fear of getting hurt?
> 
> I'm turning 24 soon and reflecting on my love life, I'm still inexperienced and haven't been dating as much as most people my age. That itself doesn't bother me because I'd rather be alone than put up with a relationship I have no interest in, but what is concerning me is my inability to be completely comfortable about dating especially when it comes to blind dates or meeting people on dating sites. Long story short, I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself. But another part of me has conflicting feelings where I feel as if I'm missing out on potential meaningful relationships because of how I am too cautious. Relationships scare me but I am also curious, so I feel like I'm running with scissors at this point.


Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you went through that, your trepidation is understandable but still needs to challenged.

I'm not afraid of a relationship but when I was it was simply that I didn't think I was worthy and I feared (what I felt was the inevitable) rejection.

I used to say and honestly believe that I could never allow someone I care for to waste their life on me. That self sabotage would actually be an expression of my love for them.

I've since come to learn that I don't have the right to make that choice for them. If someone still wants me once they have seen what/who I truly am, then I will make the effort to try and make it work, assuming I like them too of course.

So there's a risk for sure, you can't guarantee your safety but I think you should take that risk (you can still protect yourself to a degree). You may not be able to put the scissors down but you can hold them in a way that reduces the probability of stabbing yourself.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

No. It's other people who are afraid of getting into a relationship with me. People aren't as dumb as they look.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

SofaKing said:


> No...being and remaining alone raises much more fear for me.


Understandable. Wouldn't mind dying single, but passing without having a meaningful friendship - can't even put into words how bad that would feel.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Understandable. Wouldn't mind dying single, but passing without having a meaningful friendship - can't even put into words how bad that would feel.


Then I'm right on track.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

BrokeTech said:


> I look at other people's relationships, and no one has the type of relationship I'd like to have...which makes me feel like the type of relationship I'd like to have is not possible, which makes me feel like what's the point of dating and relationships, then.


I can understand that, but keep the possibility open in your mind (even if you think it won't ever happen), regularly remind yourself that if such a woman would appear you'd jump at the opportunity. If you can do that and actually believe it then you still have a chance.

Don't talk yourself out of what you could have today because of what *might* happen tomorrow.

Good luck.


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## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

LonelyLurker said:


> I can understand that, but keep the possibility open in your mind (even if you think it won't ever happen), regularly remind yourself that if such a woman would appear you'd jump at the opportunity. If you can do that and actually believe it then you still have a chance.
> 
> Don't talk yourself out of what you could have today because of what *might* happen tomorrow.
> 
> Good luck.


Too late. :wink2:


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

I sure can relate to the underlying feelings being presented here, especially at my age, and as others have said, sorry to hear about your sexual assault. :hug



LonelyLurker said:


> keep the possibility open in your mind (even if you think it won't ever happen), regularly remind yourself that if such a woman would appear you'd jump at the opportunity. If you can do that and actually believe it then you still have a chance.
> 
> Don't talk yourself out of what you could have today because of what *might* happen tomorrow.


Good advice.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

BrokeTech said:


> Too late. :wink2:


As long as you can still respond to me, it's not too late. :smile2:


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Good advice.


Yes, yes it is. :laugh:


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## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

LonelyLurker said:


> As long as you can still respond to me, it's not too late. :smile2:


No, I mean I am done with the whole dating/relationships thing (read my whole response to this thread, I don't feel they're worth my time/effort, and I don't attract women anyway), so...and I hate conversations like these, as well, so...I'm going to excuse myself from this thread. 0


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## Twilightforce (Aug 7, 2016)

No


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

tehuti88 said:


> *I would always suspect there's some ulterior motive, I guess.* And even if I finally did believe the guy is sincere, I'd still feel I would always disappoint him...after all, I've disappointed all my platonic friends. :sigh


The joys of having anxiety. :/


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## tidbit (May 13, 2015)

Before throwing myself out there, and developing a sense of worth about myself, the biggest thing that stopped me from getting into a relationship was my self-esteem concerning my appearance, as well as my lack of social skills.
I did not date like regular teens do; my first real relationship wasn't till I was about 21, and that ended up happening because we were two lonely people who didn't want to be alone anymore. 
My self-esteem/social anxiety will always try to stop me from pursing any sort of relationship; friendly or romantic.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

BrokeTech said:


> No, I mean I am done with the whole dating/relationships thing (read my whole response to this thread, I don't feel they're worth my time/effort, and I don't attract women anyway), so...and I hate conversations like these, as well, so...I'm going to excuse myself from this thread. 0


I understood you and it's fine if you don't reply to this (genuinely, no hard feelings) but if you do read it, at least consider the following.

Your dismissal seems to be based on the premise that no women worthy of your interest exist and they won't want you even if they do.

If that premise by some miracle is falsified then maybe your conclusion is also flawed. All I'm suggesting is that if you're proven wrong be willing to challenge your conclusion.

I know you hate this discussion but tough love and all that. :smile2:

Take care.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

Very much so. I have a very strong fear of abandonment. I'm scared of investing everything I have and getting nothing in return... how do you stop loving a person?

This fear does not only apply to romantic love but friendships as well. The moment I feel that my interactions with a person might lead to a deep relationship my brain starts acting erratically and I bail out on that person by becoming distant or acting salty... this makes other people think that it is their fault but in reality it is me. I'm the one that doesn't give myself a chance!

Don't even get me started on how I act when people try to flirt with me. I'm very nervous by nature and unfortunately my defense mechanism is to act mean to disable the situation.










Sadly, I've been both the guy and the girl. Anyone know how to fix this?


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

In looking after a sick loved one, I had to sacrifice that. Story of my life. 

For me it's more of a dream.


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## Cashel (Oct 29, 2013)

Yeah. I wouldn't make a very good boyfriend, I wouldn't be very interesting or exciting, or much good for conversation, I seem to withdraw from everyone who seems to like/care about me. I'm just generally trash, I don't know how to interact with people.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't think about it anymore TBH. I don't think there are many people anywhere who would want anything to do with me but even if they did I have just never been a relationship kind of person. I'm not stable enough. One day I'll be all into something and prepared to put everything I have into it and the next day I'll just be.....different. My devotion to any given thing comes and goes.

When I used to be interested in relationships I avoided them anyway. I just never really wanted to be responsible for hurting someone. Especially someone I cared about.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Long story short, I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself. But another part of me has conflicting feelings where I feel as if I'm missing out on potential meaningful relationships because of how I am too cautious. Relationships scare me but I am also curious, so I feel like I'm running with scissors at this point.


Sorry for not reading your whole post , I tend to read in between the lines sometimes. Somehow I missed this very important detail. I am extremely sorry that this happened to you. I can not even imagine what you went through :squeeze

I've also been abused physically and emotionally by people I trusted. These experiences can seriously **** you up for the rest of your life!

Though, I'm sure my experiences pale in comparison to what happened to you... I understand where you are coming from.



ANX1 said:


> In looking after a sick loved one, I had to sacrifice that. Story of my life.
> 
> For me it's more of a dream.


That was very tough to read... there is no right or wrong answer to you predicament. I hope that things become better for you and your loved one. :squeeze


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Terrified.

For countless reasons.


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## Hellfire (Jul 25, 2017)

Yes, because I am not in a positive mental state at this time in my life and I really never have been.


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## Mondo_Fernando (Jun 26, 2014)

Eternal Solitude said:


> That was very tough to read... there is no right or wrong answer to you predicament. I hope that things become better for you and your loved one. :squeeze


Thank you for your kind words. 

Sorry if what I said upset you. 

It's hard to explain to people who have never been through what I have been through.

It's like when a person has that choice / freedom to make those choices in life vs when you don't have that choice due to circumstances since was a child, where have no choice due to a massive loss of family. Just get more and more isolated as get older.

It really hits home when sick loved one wants me to have a normal life, but they know I can't due to looking after them. I just realize it's just too late for that and I start. :crying:

I realize I'm not the only one on here too that has been through similar with looking after sick loved one. I guess it's nice to know I'm not alone in going through this struggle in life.


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## Ai (Oct 13, 2012)

Frankly, I'm in a wonderful, supportive relationship with an incredible partner I feel so bizarrely lucky to have met... And I'm _still_ terrified. Mostly that I'm going to **** it all up. :blank


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Forever Me said:


> Yeah I feel more afraid of a yes than a no. I don't know what to do in a relationship, and I'm sure I'd be constantly stressed out about keeping her interested. Think about how scary a date is, and then it's that 24/7.


Relatable. Theoretically, relationships sound ideal especially when you are suffering from any mental illness and lack unconditional love and support from the people around you. But in practice it is too stressful for the very reasons you have stated. You're always wondering if you have enough to offer in return and whether or not you're putting in your fair share of work. You could be with someone who complements you in every way imaginable and you still would be paranoid about them leaving you because of your anxiety. Relationship or not, you're still screwed as long as your anxiety continues to interfere. :/


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

acidicwithpanic said:


> Relatable. Theoretically, relationships sound ideal especially when you are suffering from any mental illness and lack unconditional love and support from the people around you. But in practice it is too stressful for the very reasons you have stated. You're always wondering if you have enough to offer in return and whether or not you're putting in your fair share of work. You could be with someone who complements you in every way imaginable and you still would be paranoid about them leaving you because of your anxiety. Relationship or not, you're still screwed as long as your anxiety continues to interfere. :/


My anxiety seems to have affected me differently to many on this site, as bad as it's been I've always been able to take on evidence and evidence always trumped the anxiety.

Hypothetically, what do you think could get you to a place where evidence trumps the anxiety? So you still have these doubts and thoughts but you have discussed all of these things with your partner (which should happen in a good relationship) and realise that even though you feel inadequate they don't agree. You may not understand why but you accept that they do and allow them to feel the way they do.

The paranoia isn't necessarily a big deal (though of course it would be better to have enough self esteem to be able to see why someone could love you), it's whether you allow that paranoia to sabotage the very thing you're scared of losing.


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## XxOmegaBlackxX (Jul 20, 2017)

acidicwithpanic said:


> For those of you who are hesitant about relationships, what is causing the discomfort? Are trust issues at play? Fear of getting hurt?
> 
> I'm turning 24 soon and reflecting on my love life, I'm still inexperienced and haven't been dating as much as most people my age. That itself doesn't bother me because I'd rather be alone than put up with a relationship I have no interest in, but what is concerning me is my inability to be completely comfortable about dating especially when it comes to blind dates or meeting people on dating sites. Long story short, I've built up a giant wall to protect myself ever since I've been sexually assaulted by someone I gave my trust to. As a result, I'm afraid of getting close to people because I don't want history to repeat itself. But another part of me has conflicting feelings where I feel as if I'm missing out on potential meaningful relationships because of how I am too cautious. Relationships scare me but I am also curious, so I feel like I'm running with scissors at this point.


Go to a public place, like Starbucks. I'm super aggressive and pretty much an ******* in real life, but would never lay a hand on a girl, sexually. Not a lot of men are creepy/beta rapists/women beaters like that, it's small percentage.

Most guys that do that crap are scumbag betas, and in my opinion , incredibly easy to spot. You should get a good, built, badass guy friend who will help you out a bit and screen the guy. Probably a gay guy would be a really good screener.

And obviously, avoid situations where your under the influence and alone we the person in question if you are that paranoid, it's really simple.


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## balance (Jul 27, 2017)

I've never been in a romantic relationship nor have never really desired one when I was a little younger; however, I've definitely tried to find reasons to not like someone I liked and they gave signs of interest. It could be rooted from abandonment issues since I haven't had a father for the majority of my life (nothing to brood about, but I think that's one of the many seeds rooted in my underlying fear of being vulnerable with another person romantically/sexually). I only had one sexual partner but I still worried that I'd be growing attached to him, so I slowly edged away from him-I worry of being rejected and still wondering what the heck our relationship was to begin with. I never desired to marry and have kids, so I guess being conditioned for so long that sex is only for procreation and nothing more, I still subconsciously associate relationships=marriage and kids. After being taught that as well as saying sex=bad, I've had a fear of sex/sexual contact. There's also the fear of losing my identity while being a hip with another person, because I'm still trying to find who I am and trying to make as many healthy risks as possible without another person telling me "meh I dunno." I'm so sorry about your experience with sexual abuse-no one should ever have to experience that and I hope that even though the US is in utter chaos rn, there'd be more support politically to give better treatment and prevention of further trauma.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I never really dated/experimented in high school. I was pretty shy on that front, plus my mind was completely focused on making music and playing in bands. Even at shows my SA and focus on playing outweighed chances with gals at the time. After high school I had a couple odd jaunts but nothing panned out and over the years I've become more and more avoidant so between that, SA, depression, low self esteem, & poverty I've never bothered trying. Ultimately the longer you spend alone the more foreign the idea of being with someone becomes regardless of whether you desire it. My default response to negative interactions or even feeling smothered for attention is to be alone as it's "safe" & in a relationship you can't run away from the person you have to work at maintaining it and sorting things out between you. I'm also afraid of being vulnerable because that's how I always feel as a result of my issues to do it on purpose, it's a tough thing to wrap my mind around. All that said I'm back on some dating sites/apps again... mostly cause I want to get laid but if someone nice pops up I hope I'll make a proper go of it


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

I guess I'm somewhat afraid of getting into a relationship. I've never been in any relationships so I wouldn't know how to keep one. 

My mother told me years ago that since I've never had any girlfriends I would probably fall in love with the first girl that would be interested in me. Yeah I'd say that's probably true.

I really don't put much thought in that since anything like that would never happen anyway.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Yes. Because I am 100% sure I will be taken advantage of in a relationship.
Because of my lack of self esteem I get taken advantage of in any sort of cooperation. I have seen what has happened to my uncles who have very low self esteem as well. And my grandfather too.
It's just asking for a whole lot of trouble.

I feel extremely bad for being single. But I run from any sort of serious relationship like fire.

Aside from the relationship itself I am also very afraid of communicating with girls.
Also I'm insecure because I don't have a job. And I'm short. And I'm quite different from other people and don't enjoy a lot of the stuff that they do enjoy.
All those things make me be even more afraid of a relationship.

So there should be a miracle for me to be able to get a girlfriend for short-term dating.
And some catastrophic damage should happen to my mind/brain for me to get into a long-term serious relationship.


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## taspay (Jul 26, 2017)

I'm worried if I date and start getting better with my anxiety thanks to that person then I might get worse if we break up. I also wouldn't mind having a relationship though and having that strong bond with someone. It's confusing. I guess I just haven't met the right person yet. Hopefully if I meet the right person none of that other stuff will matter.


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

Not afraid. But I need to wait. I have a pattern of pursuing pple not interested in me or no good for me who consistently feel bad and then having "I want you in my life, but you're not good for me" push pull behavior lol.(Used to think it was BPDish til it was pointed out it doesn't happen with everyone and it's never "I hate you/you're bad, I love you," only "I like you or I want you in my life, but having you in my life hurts me and my gut says keep away." Similar behavior, different reasons.) I'm used to having to chase and jump through hoops for love, having to overlook everything and love feeling* awful*(thanks ****ty parents) so must break that habit before I move forward. It's supposed to feel good. Not bad on a fairly consistent basis. It's supposed to be reciprocal. I don't have to beg (hmmmph mom!) **** takes time to rewire unfortunately. On the upside I do now think i'm worthy of love and quite a few pple would be very happy with me.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

realisticandhopeful said:


> Not afraid. But I need to wait. I have a pattern of pursuing pple not interested in me or no good for me who consistently feel bad and then having "I want you in my life, but you're not good for me" push pull behavior lol.(Used to think it was BPDish til it was pointed out it doesn't happen with everyone and it's never "I hate you/you're bad, I love you," only "I like you or I want you in my life, but having you in my life hurts me and my gut says keep away." Similar behavior, different reasons.) I'm used to having to chase and jump through hoops for love, having to overlook everything and love feeling* awful*(thanks ****ty parents) so must break that habit before I move forward. It's supposed to feel good. Not bad on a fairly consistent basis. It's supposed to be reciprocal. I don't have to beg (hmmmph mom!) **** takes time to rewire unfortunately. *On the upside I do now think i'm worthy of love and quite a few pple would be very happy with me.*


That's the key R&H, that's the key.

What enabled you to reach that conclusion?


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## SparklingWater (Jan 16, 2013)

@LonelyLurker

Yrs of therapy with someone validating enough for me to stop hating myself. Followed by cognitive work on my own and finally 2 mixed bag experiences with just enough positive that I learned pple could really enjoy me. A lot of cognitive work might be a foundation, but it's not until I've use a technique or experience something in the real world that my mind actually believes it _especially_ wrt other pple.


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## LonelyLurker (Sep 24, 2016)

realisticandhopeful said:


> Yrs of therapy with someone validating enough for me to stop hating myself. Followed by cognitive work on my own and followed by 2 mixed bag experiences with just enough positive that I learned pple could really enjoy me. *A lot of cognitive work might be a foundation, but it's not until I've use a technique or experience something in the real world that my mind actually believes it especially wrt other pple.*


I can definitely relate to that, I can't really believe things without evidence either.

I began to recognise the things about me that usually got a positive response as well as the things that usually got a negative response and adapted my interpersonal strategies to accommodate this.

Luckily I don't base my self esteem on what other people think of me so it was more about recognising that I was a good person in *my* eyes. If nobody ever agreed that would be unfortunate but completely irrelevant to the qualities I possess or my value as a person.

I struggle to think of how people who feel they don't get any positive reinforcement or do base their self esteem on how others view them should go about achieving this. I'm well aware that my strategy was designed specifically for me and my circumstances and I don't appear to be representative of many people.

What would you recommend for such a person?


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## Moxi (Nov 24, 2015)

Bad experiences, mostly. I know I can survive on my own, even if it's lonely. A bad relationship adds an extra burden by pairing me up with someone I can't count on or who makes me unhappy that I need to drag with me over the finish line.

And looking for a relationship that _isn't _bad is an investment in itself. Not only trying to meet people, but spending time getting to know them and feeling out which ones have similar values and personalities, what people say they want vs what they really want, which ones can and can't be trusted, etc.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Definitely, I've been alone for 15 years more or less, at this stage its better the devil you know.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

I'm mainly indecisive and I don't really have an interest in getting in a relationship. I'm scared of one day choosing the wrong person, I don't like the idea of having someone knowing all my business, and having to live with me and judge me and control me 24/7. 

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk


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## sad1231234 (Jul 10, 2016)

SofaKing said:


> No...being and remaining alone raises much more fear for me.


I agree, i never been in a break up but life is too short to not do whatever it takes to experience wonderful things in life.


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## Kitty196 (Aug 3, 2017)

Relationships are difficult, but don't feel confined by age, these things happen to everyone at different times! I can't imagine what going through the assault was like, but not everybody is like that dickhead, there are genuine people out there.

I'm much the same in a way, I can do first and second dates, but anything more than that or if someone appears keen I push them away. I can make relations, but I can never keep them due to the pushing. Once the right guy comes along you will know, and its okay to have some walls and reserves, everyone has standards and types! No one is perfect, imperfections make people human.


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## Plasma (Aug 6, 2013)

I've never been in a relationship, much less ever held a real conversation with a girl before, so it's quite frightening indeed. Eventually, I'll have to put myself out there.


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## YamchasRevenge (Jul 29, 2017)

Yes. And not just with women in a romantic matter, but it's hard for me to immediately connect with others and make the jump from acquaintance to friend or girlfriend.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

With the right person, no I am not afraid. Think of it as a team effort.



Plasma said:


> I've never been in a relationship, much less ever held a real conversation with a girl before, so it's quite frightening indeed. Eventually, I'll have to put myself out there.


If you put yourself out there, you may find that love finds you when you least expect it. The trick is the find someone who can connect with you, and who you can connect with!

Good luck, my friend!


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## Little Cloud (Nov 27, 2016)

Before I met my current boyfriend, the thought of being in a relationship _terrified_ me. After my very first date with him I cried myself to sleep and thought, "Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?"

Now I love him and wouldn't do anything different, but it's so hard not to listen to the constant brain chatter in my head that tells me that it's all bull****. And if we broke up, it would literally destroy me and I'd have no one. That's very scary to think about.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Afraid and probably unable to be in one for long. I've lost all my relationships to depression anyway. I don't even know why I still bother with trying to date and build something.


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## DespairSenpai (Jan 19, 2016)

yeah, I have aspergers syndrome so I can't imagine a relationship going well.


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## LampSandwich (May 5, 2012)

*6herh*

*I'm absolutely terrified. Past experience and abuse, particularly from my last relationship has caused lasting damage. I'm afraid of people, and how they can take advantage of you and be so cruel and abusive. I hope I can get past this and learn to love someone again, but I don't see how anyone can love me for who I am.*


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## spotlessmind90 (Dec 29, 2016)

Yeah, for sure.


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