# Does having a big nose mean you are ugly and unworthy?



## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

I know its a silly question but I am so self conscious over my nose which makes me so anxious around people.

My nose is bigger than average but not huge, but it is noticable for being bigger than average. 

The problem is that over the years (a lot in my high school and college years) as well as quite a few negative comments in recent years, I received so many negative comments, insults and ridicule over my nose. People said I was ugly, people said I would be ok if I didn't have a big nose, people said my nose was ugly and people have ridiculed me for my nose. I am not shallow and there are two women at work who I really find attractive who have big noses, but I can't stop feeling so self conscious over my nose. I hate people looking at me because I believe they will see my nose is big and judge me as ugly.

I hate women looking at my nose because I believe they will judge me as ugly and think I am horrible looking. I hate men looking at my nose because I believe they will ridicule me and call me some names. The reasons I believe this will happen is based on past bad experiences.

I just saw on tv yesterday some woman who had a big nose and she laughed about it and said 'I can't get my goggles on because my nose is so big'. I wish I could laugh about my nose, but when I believe people will judge me as ugly and repulsive and could only judge me negatively for my nose I find it hard to be able to laugh it off.

What is the reality about big noses? Do people really notice them and think nasty things like that person with the big nose is ugly and inferior and that they couldn't like someone because their nose is a bit bigger than average? Can anyone help me change my extreme negative beliefs that I am so ashamed of my nose believing people will judge me as ugly for it? Please no one suggest surgery, I would never do that, the problem is in my mind, we all have imperfections.


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## Secludee (Feb 3, 2008)

Yes, having a bigger than average nose does indeed cripple the chance of any good social opportunities. I know this because I have a terrible Viking nose lol. 

However, I am proud to have a big nose. And if people don't like it...screw 'em! They will just have live without my special truffle finding abilities.


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## stardog99 (Mar 22, 2008)

.


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## Bon (Dec 24, 2005)

My ex used to say I had a nose like Lassie (the dog......). Or he would saying something like "Air is free, I can see you get your share plus."

It's all subjective. My mom had surgery because her nose wasn't perfectly centered, it's straight as can be now, but I think it looked better pre-surgery, it added interest to her face.

High school is rough, very rough for many people, sometimes it leaves us with anger and or shame, but we have to remember, it was high school, doesn't make it easier but helps put things in perspective.

If someone makes any of the comments you wrote as an adult, I would say something to the effect "My nose maybe, but at least I'm not a pompous ***." Personally those that make fun of others can't be very secure in themselves, don't let anyone bring you down to their level.


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## Aron James (Jun 16, 2007)

Mike,



> Can anyone help me change my extreme negative beliefs that I am so ashamed of my nose believing people will judge me as ugly for it?


Only if you choose to believe in somthing more positive and realistic.

You need to give your nose a new name. Something only you know. When you choose, you choose something that means something positive to you. It sounds nuts but try it. You could call it Mr Nose, you could talk to it if you wanted, ask it how it felt about things. If it didn't talk, what would it represent? Maybe then you could become warmer towards it.



> the problem is in my mind


Exactly. So when you change your mind, you change your reality.

Feeling ugly and unworthy is because in your mind, your nose is a central part of your self. It needn't be, it is merely a part of yourself, but it's influence in your mind is overwhelming. You could seperate your nose from yourself. Detach. My nose is not myself. My nose is a SMALL part of myself. It's image in your mind is huge, so you need to realistically put it up against other parts of yourself and then reason with yourself as to why it takes up so much of your self image. As it seems a huge part of yourself (a part which you do not like) ,following this, your entire image is one which you do not like - makes you feel ugly.

As this is a central part of your self image, all the information your mind receives to perceive things will be dominated by the theme of your nose. So much of your thinking will run through the filtered belief about your nose first and consequently design how you feel about things. It's center stage so you must shift focus elsewhere as it dominates your perception of yourself and other things. This will be difficult as through the years your mind has built up a collection of 'evidence' of that you are ugly because others have mocked you, yet they were all wrong. This will require you to reconstruct things and alter meaning. See my other post on letting things go for more information on this.

Aron


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

Aron James said:


> Mike,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Exactly. So when you change your mind, you change your reality.

Feeling ugly and unworthy is because in your mind, your nose is a central part of your self. It needn't be, it is merely a part of yourself, but it's influence in your mind is overwhelming. You could seperate your nose from yourself. Detach. My nose is not myself. My nose is a SMALL part of myself. It's image in your mind is huge, so you need to realistically put it up against other parts of yourself and then reason with yourself as to why it takes up so much of your self image. As it seems a huge part of yourself (a part which you do not like) ,following this, your entire image is one which you do not like - makes you feel ugly.

As this is a central part of your self image, all the information your mind receives to perceive things will be dominated by the theme of your nose. So much of your thinking will run through the filtered belief about your nose first and consequently design how you feel about things. It's center stage so you must shift focus elsewhere as it dominates your perception of yourself and other things. This will be difficult as through the years your mind has built up a collection of 'evidence' of that you are ugly because others have mocked you, yet they were all wrong. This will require you to reconstruct things and alter meaning. See my other post on letting things go for more information on this.

Aron[/quote:1etjlrl4]

Well you are right that all my focus is on my nose and I seem to believe it defines me as a person in terms of how worthy I am. But like you say the collection of evidence from the past was that it was my nose is the reason why people judged me as ugly and unworthy. And a few times I heard comments when I was younger that I would be ok if I didn't have a big nose, which is basically saying I am not good enough because of my nose.

I would love to believe my nose is not a problem and I could laugh it off believing it means nothing, but when I think of all the comments and ridicule I received I just cannot believe that it means nothing. Its obviously something that people judge me negatively for and some people find ugly and look at me like I am inferior to them. But I feel its so unfair, I try my hardest to look my best, I am in good shape and am stylish with my hair and clothes, I have a lot of good things in my appearance, but yet very few of those parts of me are ever recognised by others, people just slaughtered me because my nose is bigger than average. Like I say, I feel its unfair because I am a good person with good personality and look my best, but all of that matters nothing.

I am fed up of feeling this way. I want to be able to be myself rather than always self conscious and afraid of being looked at believing people will judge me negatively like so many people have done in the past.

The idea of seeing my nose in a positive light am not sure can work. I don't believe my problem is with how I see my nose as such. I never thought my nose was bad or mattered until so many people judged me negatively and nastily for it. I looked in two mirrors yesterday at my nose again and I keep thinking 'My nose isn't that big or bad, but why have so many people slaughtered me for it, it must be bad'. Even recently at my age I have at times had negative judgements (and who knows how many people see me and think negative things of me without saying). I had a woman at work talking out loud to the whole office ridiculing me for my nose, saying I had big nose and making alsorts of jokes whilst people laughed. I felt like a freak at the circus. I went out with my sister and her friends (all mid 20s) and one of her friends came up to me and said 'I just want to let you know, you have a big nose' and she laughed then walked off. I felt terrible. I seem to believe that if anyone sees my nose then that sort of nasty judgements is what I will receive. Its controlling my life. I just do not know how to stop feeling so self conscious and not ashamed and negative about this. But the truth is that all those insults and ridicule hurt so much and made me feel so ugly and unworthy and made me feel so upset that I feel I must keep protecting myself by hiding my nose by looking away, avoiding people looking at me, covering my face with my hand by pretending to wipe my eye. But I am just ruining my life by doing this.

What will it take for me to stop this? Well, to believe people aren't judging me as ugly and unworthy for it. But I just don't believe that, I can't believe that as all the evidence says people do.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

I dated a guy with a larger nose recently. Yes, I did notice his nose when we first met. But I still found him attractive. He is someone that could laugh about his nose and it made him that much more attractive to me. If only he wasn't a womanizer, we'd probably still be together. lol I am thinking that when you are okay with your nose other people will be too. Go to therapy, do whatever you have to do. You seem like a very nice guy and this shouldn't be holding you back!!!


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## Aron James (Jun 16, 2007)

There needs to be some acceptance of how your body looks, else it doesn't matter what anyone else says, it will always be an issue. Which is why this is where you you need to start. How you see it can bring acceptance. You may see it as the source of the problem. When it isn't but you still need that acceptance. Sometimes it's better and easier to design a way forward than remove a cause. The real cause of course is 'what others think' a concept that is allows anxiety to arise. The secondary causes are your nose and other people because without these two secondary causes 'what others think about my nose' could not arise.

You cannot assume that all people will always think things about your nose. So you have had people mock you about your nose, maybe it's not that big, maybe people get off on teasing you about it because ithey like seeing you freak out? It does not matter. Not everyone in the world is like this. Many people i know see people so very differently. You need to deal internally with whats going on.

The self consious thing still comes from sense of self. As i have said, a large part of your self is invested in how you see your nose and how you see yourself within this. If you could laugh with others about your nose there would not be the self conscious feeling arise because you would not feel the need to protect yourself. That's why anxiety arises aswell because your self is threatened by what others will think of you, more specifically, about your nose.

So, acceptance by way of changing how you see your nose and your self within this. When you can laugh at it with others, you will have accepted it. Simultaneously you can tackle the idea of what others think, this is a big battle but it's an internal thing, a concept, something which i have written much about and can easily be challenged also. The importance of 'others thoughts' are given power by us from our side, not from their side. What they say is just information we interpret, mere words, that is processed by our mind and we give meaning and importance to it. We CAN take that power back and out of what others think.

Aron


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

michellejl said:


> I dated a guy with a larger nose recently. Yes, I did notice his nose when we first met. But I still found him attractive. He is someone that could laugh about his nose and it made him that much more attractive to me. If only he wasn't a womanizer, we'd probably still be together. lol I am thinking that when you are okay with your nose other people will be too. Go to therapy, do whatever you have to do. You seem like a very nice guy and this shouldn't be holding you back!!!


Thanks for your thoughts. This is the silly thing, I have a friend who has a big nose and he doesn't care about it and he is very popular with women (although because he was popular with the women he probably never worried about his nose because he knows he looks good enough and that women are attracted to him). I know two girls at work who have big noses and their noses are like really cool and I think they are very attractive. Infact everyone I know who has a big nose has a nice partner. Yet I feel my nose means I am ugly and people see me as ugly (because of all the things people have said) and no one could be interested in me (even though I have had some interest at times in the past but I just don't believe that ).

I did see a therapist once before and I was really unhappy with it, especially with how much money it cost. She was clueless, she didn't understand me at all, she told me some ridiculous things. When I mentioned I felt self conscious and negative about my nose she just said 'Have surgery'. She couldn't even understand why I was quite unhappy she said that. She really was stealing a living, she just didn't have a clue.

If I don't overcome this problem this year I never will. I have suffered this way for years and years and I'm as self conscious as ever about it which I hate. I think I am getting to the point where I would rather accept I am ugly and people couldn't be interested in me and expect some ridicule and insults and accept that is how life will be but at least allow myself to be myself and not give a toss any more.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

I am sorry about your experience with the therapist. I once went to a therapist when I was a teenager. I tried to explain to her about my SA (didn't know what it was at the time) and how not being able to make friends made me want to drop out and she said that is no reason to drop out. I have to force myself to go anyway so I can graduate. Then she moved on like there was nothing more to say on the topic. 

It was the first time I tried to open up to someone about feeling like a loser because when you're a teenager this is a real source of shame. Apparently she thought I had bigger issues to worry about and had no clue how to help me. This one experience made me never want to open up to a therapist about SA again. But some therapists are definitely better than others as I found out later on!!

Nooo! Do not accept that you are ugly!! That is not going to help you. And you ask if having a big nose makes you ugly and unworthy and the answer is no. It is crazy you would even consider this. I understand that being picked on about your nose affects your self image, but it is not too late to undo this. I was in an abusive relationship for years, and the verbal abuse was much more damaging than the physical and I believed all the things he said to me. Some things he put me down for were physical things such as having a flat chest and that I was a fat pig. That I was undesirable and ugly and disgusting. It took years to undo this. Now I look at it that at least I don't have to worry about a guy staring at my chest instead of looking into my eyes. lol And I'm not even flat. And even though there is evidence of that lol I REALLY did believe it. It took a long time to accept that I was never going to have the curves some guys find attractive and honestly, now I am perfectly accepting of my breasts the way they are. If guys can't accept my body, they can go find someone else for all I care. lol I have confidence now. Sorry if this is too personal. lol Is there a picture of you anywhere on this site? My hunch is that you are not ugly, big nose or not.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

michellejl said:


> I am sorry about your experience with the therapist. I once went to a therapist when I was a teenager. I tried to explain to her about my SA (didn't know what it was at the time) and how not being able to make friends made me want to drop out and she said that is no reason to drop out. I have to force myself to go anyway so I can graduate. Then she moved on like there was nothing more to say on the topic.
> 
> It was the first time I tried to open up to someone about feeling like a loser because when you're a teenager this is a real source of shame. Apparently she thought I had bigger issues to worry about and had no clue how to help me. This one experience made me never want to open up to a therapist about SA again. But some therapists are definitely better than others as I found out later on!!
> 
> Nooo! Do not accept that you are ugly!! That is not going to help you. And you ask if having a big nose makes you ugly and unworthy and the answer is no. It is crazy you would even consider this. I understand that being picked on about your nose affects your self image, but it is not too late to undo this. I was in an abusive relationship for years, and the verbal abuse was much more damaging than the physical and I believed all the things he said to me. Some things he put me down for were physical things such as having a flat chest and that I was a fat pig. That I was undesirable and ugly and disgusting. It took years to undo this. Now I look at it that at least I don't have to worry about a guy staring at my chest instead of looking into my eyes. lol And I'm not even flat. And even though there is evidence of that lol I REALLY did believe it. It took a long time to accept that I was never going to have the curves some guys find attractive and honestly, now I am perfectly accepting of my breasts the way they are. If guys can't accept my body, they can go find someone else for all I care. lol I have confidence now. Sorry if this is too personal. lol Is there a picture of you anywhere on this site? My hunch is that you are not ugly, big nose or not.


I don't know why you found it hard to make friends, you are well nice and write amazing!

Its funny (well its not funny) how many people I read with bad experiences about therapists. They don't seem to have any idea and often are quite insensitive and making money for doing nothing. But then I also think 'Well how could they possibly help me overcome this when they have never experienced how I feel?'

Its interesting to hear your experiences of put downs and verbal abuse. It really does hurt so much and it brainwashes you if its repeated over a prolonged period of time. And it also shows how caught up in one's own perceived flaws one can get. I mean I have read on this and other forums about women being self conscious of being flat chested but really its not a problem, I don't believe men care at all about that, I mean fair enough some men prefer women with bigger breasts but men like all breasts haha. Sorry if that sounds silly but its true. 
But if you are judged negatively for part of your body or teased about it, you do start thinking its a flaw and you believe people will judge you as inferior and you just become self conscious and develop a negative image about it.
The silly thing is that I am sure almost everyone has things they wish they could change in how they look. You see many people with what you may describe as 'flaws' such as people who are bald, people who are overweight, people with bad skin, people with bad teeth, short people, people with big noses, people with big ears, people who may just look very plain, etc. This is the daft thing, I seem to think I can only be judged negatively for my nose, yet most people have flaws and won't think badly of someone else's flaw because they know they have flaws too. But like its been said many times, you can only think and believe what evidence you have seen and I have seen so many shallow people and I have seen a lot of evidence to back up the saying 'Nice guys come last'.

You are right that accepting I am ugly is not going to be good for me. I just know that my beliefs and mindset must change in order to overcome this, but I don't see how I can believe anything positive about my nose. I recently walked past this photocopier room at work and as I walked past I just glanced in to the room just as I was almost past the room, and in the room was this girl I like who was looking out and she saw me side on. I was just so upset that she had seen me side on, I just felt she will be thinking I am so ugly and horrible because of my nose and probably wants to throw up and thinking I am so inferior to her. It took me about 3 days before I stopped feeling so bad about myself for this. I am always having to hide my nose, walking past windows, sat at my desk at work I am always trying to avoid people seeing me side on, even when I am driving and am in stationary traffic or at junctions. Its just always on my mind. 
I have just had a look in the mirror again at my nose after I had washed and styled my hair and again I just think my nose isn't that bad at all, its a bit bigger than ideal but not massive at all, but that doesn't have any impact on my thinking because I just believe if anyone sees my nose they will absolutely slaughter me like so many different people have done in the past. I don't have any pics or a camera to take pictures with. I haven't had my photo taken for many a year, I always obsess that my nose looks big and hate anyone seeing my picture because of it. I just wish I knew the answer to beat this. I have spent days and days trying to change my beliefs but the fact is that around people I am always hiding my nose to protect myself from negative judgements. I think all the negative comments and how much I have dwelled on it and all the times I have been self conscious and hidden my nose, its just got out of control now. I don't know the reality any more.


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## ImAboutToEXPLODE (Nov 20, 2007)

I'm just wondering, how many times have people actually said something about your nose? Or expressed something which you certainly know is about your nose? (like pointing at it, or making gestures etc)

Is your feelings related to some bad experiences as a child? As a teen?

Have people in recent years said something about your nose?
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If you want to change your believes you gotta let reason rule over emotions.You gotta try and look at the world 'clinically', and think about your experiences, and ask yourself if the believes you have actually conforms with reality.

On a day to day basis you can't of course investige every instance to find out if a person has a negative opinion about you, but you have to like "take a breath" and ask yourself "do i actually know?" You know, do a quick analysis of the situation and ask yourself if you have enough evidence to back up your interpretation of what happened.

As to obsessing with something, the only way to do that is to try and let it 
go and focus on something else.The mind seems to work in such a way that you can't forget something if you "tell yourself to forget it".It's like saying "don't think of your nose".If you say it, you'll think about it.You have to find something else which you can be genuinely interested in to focus on.

Constant negative thinking and obsessions actually enforces the negative believes.If you go into these long periods of obsessing with something, and invoking great emotions in yourself, you are actually making sure that you will remember it in the future.

I have these idiotic negative thinking sessions myself, but sometimes lately 
i have managed to stop myself.And the reason i have managed to stop myself is that i had a "clear moment" and asked myself "is it actually worth it?" 

You can look at the times in the past, when you might have gone hours and days thinking about something, and ask yourself "Has anything of value come from all that thinking? Is there anything good in my life which has come from it?" My only answer is that it has only served to make me feel really bad at the time, and perpetuated my own irrational beliefs.

And if you realize that nothing good has come from it in the past, then nothing good can come from it in the future, and it might be easier to just let it go.


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## glennz20 (May 1, 2007)

When I was younger I was with a group of kids who were generally teasing this girl for her large nose. Her mother (or maybe grandmother) drove her car up to us and told all of us off for doing so (I remember feeling like she was directly talking to me) and I felt truly awful.
So, er, no, having a big nose does not mean you are ugly (at least if you can accept it). Freckles, on the other hand...


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

ImAboutToEXPLODE said:


> I'm just wondering, how many times have people actually said something about your nose? Or expressed something which you certainly know is about your nose? (like pointing at it, or making gestures etc)
> 
> Is your feelings related to some bad experiences as a child? As a teen?
> 
> ...


Hello, I can't reply in full to your mail now as I am at work, and will have to read in more detail and think more.
But for the question how many people have said things about my nose.
Ridiculed about my nose= 30-40 times.
Being called ugly because of my nose = 10 times.
Called ugly (without people mentioning what part of me is ugly) = 10-15 times. 
Most was at college when aged 16-18. Quite a few a high school. And about 20% since. 
But that is still like called ugly repeatedly and lots of ridicule over the years.

I do look my best now, I look million times better nowadays than what I did in the past, I aim to look my best always. But I just believe people only see me as ugly.

I will reply tonight on the rest of the post. Thanks for your thoughts.


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## Hot Chocolate (Sep 29, 2008)

Jackie Chen have a huge *** nose and short too but everytime he pose with those prettier, handsome and much taller people, he always stands out to me as a very easy going guy and very confident about himself.


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## TATA (Sep 18, 2008)

Want2Bconfident said:


> I know its a silly question but I am so self conscious over my nose which makes me so anxious around people.
> 
> My nose is bigger than average but not huge, but it is noticable for being bigger than average.
> 
> ...


I personally don't find a guy attractive with a small nose :stu


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## Marius (Sep 21, 2008)

Want2Bconfident said:


> I know its a silly question but I am so self conscious over my nose which makes me so anxious around people.
> 
> My nose is bigger than average but not huge, but it is noticable for being bigger than average.
> 
> ...


I have a big nose... I've been told it's a rather attractive feature....


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

Marius said:


> Want2Bconfident said:
> 
> 
> > I know its a silly question but I am so self conscious over my nose which makes me so anxious around people.
> ...


Cool! There is a girl I work with who has a big nose and its attractive feature too. But for some reason I seem to believe very strongly that if people see my nose is big that they will judge me negatively and as ugly.

Lots of people say that noses don't matter and I believe that very much when I see other people's noses, it means nothing, people may tease someone for their nose being big but it doesn't matter. But like I say, I have terrible negative beliefs about my nose being big (because of past negative comments). I just don't know how to stop thinking this way. I hate thinking this way, it like controls my self esteem and how worthy I believe I am. Arrrghhh! Wish I could think like you do!


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## SilentWitness (Dec 27, 2009)

Get a nose job.


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## seanm (May 24, 2013)

Nose size is really insignificant to be honest.

Unless you have some sort of one-in-a-million malformity (which I seriously doubt) your nose is properly formed and most won't even notice anything irregular about your appearance. If you look at it with a purely objective view, you'll see it isn't bad at all and was made specifically for you.

Find someone who loves your nose and you and you will be set.


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