# What does it take to get a woman?



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Let's say there's this guy who's worth $2.8M and plans to spend around $300,000 on a home. That leaves a $2.5M portfolio to provide the growth & income that will be necessary for the rest of their lives. (That's not to brag; it's to state a well-known fact; and provide complete information to any newbies.

Let's examine his qualities:

-zero debt, though high credit limits.
-He's not secretly gay!
-no IV-drug use
-no STDs
-college educated (graduated with honors)
-a bit taller than average at 6'0"
-mature and wise at soon-to-be 43
-he doesn't smoke, though has been known to vape cannabis (as suggested by a pdoc)
-drinks, though never in excess
-no history of drug addiction or alcoholism
-no criminal history
-he's not abusive
-he's fully capable of deep & meaningful conversations
-he votes, which is so patriotic!
-While your fella is running away screaming "call 911" this guy will have a gun on Mr. Badguy who will be eagerly calling 911 to tell them what a naughty boy he was. The vibrant green laser sight dot on his chest showing him where a bunch of .45 caliber holes can go is most persuasive.
-no children that he's abandoned
-no ex-wives and related baggage
-OK, he's not MENSA material, but he has a higher than average IQ
-He's a AAA member, because he believes in being prepared
-he has a $2M umbrella liability policy because he recognized the importance of being well-insured when you have deep pockets
-he never been in a porno film
-he doesn't require a scooter for getting around Walmart
-he has a fire extinguisher on 2 living flats + 1 in the basement, because he responsible & prepared
-he has an estate plan in place to leave a tax-free legacy to causes that he supported and tax-free growth & payouts to friends that he deems worthy.
-he knows how to do a 1040 long form + all the schedules & forms of a complex return
-He's no stud muffin, but nobody has ever fled in terror either.
-no mother-in-law to pick you apart & make your life hell!
-drives 2014 Impala with just over 6,000 miles on it
-no student loan debt
-no restraining orders
-no felony convictions
-has concealed carry permit
-you'd be defended by a man keeps loaded pistols in the house & who knows how to use them (and he'd be thrilled to teach you too)
-Has some really cool guns with values up to $1,700.
-he has a special fondness for rats, which are fuzzy little friends.

OK, so WTF is so terribly wrong with the guy that he should be punished with a life lived alone?

Other dudes without a dollar who smoke crack, when they're not doing it on the "down-low" manage to score endless chicks even though they're on parole, late on their child support -- and women find that guy attractive because he's ever so charming. Yet I'm not good enough for any woman. Ugh!


----------



## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Do you actively try to go out to meet women? Have you tried online dating? Do you ever approach women you are interested in?


----------



## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

Do women know these things about you and like what Darktower said do you try to meet women? I'd keep the money stuff a secret though, if you don't want to attract the wrong kind of women.


----------



## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

DONT BE a lame. lots of lame dudes with money. even though lots of lames get females but money doesnt make a man. a thorough dude will find a good women. its not that difficult and money plays very little part in it.


i have no idea how you cant get a female though. i would for sure think lots of gold diggers would be after a dude like you.


----------



## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Fun to be around.


----------



## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Women don't know that you're available because you're not approaching them. You anticipate rejection and therefore avoid them.

Be like me and sign up for a dating coach / pick up artist


----------



## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Hoping I don't regret this...I'm merely being honest.

There's nothing wrong with most of that, but there's also nothing listed as pertains to interests (well, except guns and finances and rats, I suppose) or personality. Those are the things that'd interest me the most, at least. (Take note I'm not a desirable woman so my opinion probably doesn't count.)

The exact same argument that applies to "nice guys" could apply here. Sure, you're smart and prepared and whatnot...now, what about bonuses that make you _interesting_ and _charismatic_? (You mention you can hold deep/meaningful conversations, that's a start...conversations about what?) What makes you *compatible* with another person (if that person doesn't happen to be as crazy about guns or finances or rats as you are)?

Really the only hint at a personality I could get from this post is that you love guns and rats. :/ Maybe your interests are just too limited (I know that mine are, one reason I don't have friends). I couldn't maintain much attention as you wrote about guns and money...I'm just not into that...the rat part was the only part that sparked my interest. Perhaps it's similar with other women? :stu



UltraShy said:


> -While your fella is running away screaming "call 911" this guy will have a gun on Mr. Badguy who will be eagerly calling 911 to tell them what a naughty boy he was. The vibrant green laser sight dot on his chest showing him where a bunch of .45 caliber holes can go is most persuasive.
> 
> -you'd be defended by a man keeps loaded pistols in the house & who knows how to use them (and he'd be thrilled to teach you too)


These two different points also sound like the same thing to me...


----------



## Onleigh (Mar 17, 2016)

Well he sounds pretty conceited.


----------



## McFly (Jul 15, 2014)

Fire extinguishers are important, but not as effective without smoke alarms.


----------



## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

Women can smell fear on you.
Only way to cover it up is with really strong cologne.
Also the more you get rejected, the less afraid you'll be, because you know you're going to just get rejected again.
The fear goes away, and you've got this thick cologne smell that now repels the ladies, but you could do worse.

We're talking about emotional creatures. It doesn't matter if you can actually do xyz, you just have to make them feel that you can.


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

AussiePea said:


> Fun to be around.


I think I can be fun to be around, but consider all the women I give my number out to & they're not brave enough to call me. (They can hide their # if they wish & it's not like I grab them through the phone.) I give my number to males too and they too are afraid to call.

Admittedly, theres a tiny couple percent who are brave enough to call me. That typically results in 2 hour conversations, so I guess I'm pretty good on the phone once I get started.

A few days ago I talked for an hour & 10 minutes with a Realtor named Mike. He must be pretty close to my age. I got to hear about his personal passion for the Richfield area. This was after I missed out on a Richfield Estate -- 3 bed rooms, 3 full baths all in 3,600 square feet. And this monster of a ranch was on 2.25 acres. When I presented the idea to my brother it drove him nuts this his "baby" bother would own a grand estate larger than his place. By the time I made a call on it, they already had an accepted offer -- of $320, even though the list price was $319.

I just have figured how how to pry these hermits out of their caves. How can we have fun if we can't even dial a number. I would note most who've ever called, required liquid courage, drinking before and/or during the call.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

I think you need to find a woman whose needs you can fulfill and one who fulfills yours in return. Hopefully you don't attract golddiggers, but yea.. I'd go with needs. People are attracted to each for various reasons and likewise, stay for those same reasons. Also, maybe look in the BDSM community? That sounds shallow but it's at least something you both have in common.. ....:|


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

meepie said:


> I'd keep the money stuff a secret though, if you don't want to attract the wrong kind of women.


How might a meeting go:

*-Hi, I'm Jennifer and I'm a nurse, and you?*
*-Nice to meet you Jennifer. I'm Karl and I'm retired.*

Anything sound wrong about that, even though I am soon going to be the ripe old age of 43? Can I seriously get away by saying I'm retired and not expecting that to lead to a most uncomfortable position with "so what did you retire from".

Or do introduce myself as the head of KJS Asset Management (a name I've given my personal portfolio).

Or do I introduce myself as disabled and she flees, thinking SA is a disease I can spread.:roll


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

coeur_brise said:


> Also, maybe look in the BDSM community? That sounds shallow but it's at least something you both have in common.. ....:|


No, it doesn't sound shallow at all and mentally f'ed up woman who's a masochist would be the perfect partner for me. Since I'm a mentally f'ed up sadist (The S&M part is 100% fully sane; their other issues, no.)

But just try making friends on an SAS forum. I have given my number out literally hundreds of times. A few, generally intoxicated, member are brave enough to call.

Or go to a spanking forum and they don't get SA & OCD. See the frustration I face?


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Onleigh said:


> Well he sounds pretty* conceited*.


Conceited definition: having an excessively favorable opinion of one's abilities, appearance, etc.

I wasn't aware that I suffered from an excessively favorable opinion of my abilities nor appearance.

WTF are you taking about? Do I strut about like a peacock saying what a stud muffin I am? I'm a hefty middle-aged white guy who's been losing hair since 1999. Do I brag about my education -- at UWM where if you can sign your name, you're in?


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Need to ask them out and connect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

tehuti88 said:


> ...there's also nothing listed as pertains to interests (well, except guns and finances and rats, I suppose) or personality


Yes, none of that really speaks to the things that actually establish a connection.

Like a foundation without a house... The foundation is important, and the house cannot function without it... but what is a foundation without the house.

What would your answer be to the question, "_What do you do?_" The answer to that isn't, "_I'm retired_" (it can be, but that's not what they're looking for). There are 24 hours in a day -- what are you doing with them? Finding someone with a similar answer or similar interest in doing whatever it is you do will make for a better chance at hitting it off.


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

YOU WORTH 2 MILLION? MY GOD DUDE Nice


----------



## 629753 (Apr 7, 2015)

k_wifler said:


> women can smell fear on you.
> Only way to cover it up is with really strong cologne.


baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars

my god:.....


----------



## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

The materialistic stuff doesn't matter. Most girls want to have fun. Want to be thrilled. Are you funny? I guess you just have to find someone that is attracted to your personality/lifestyle.


----------



## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

It takes absolute perfection. I'd just wait a few more years and just hope that this 'perfection' requirement kind of eases up a bit. It's hard to be perfect...I think women in the dating world right now don't realize how hard it is (or just don't care).


----------



## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

Karl, I would watch out for gold-diggers. Seriously. Women want security and there's nothing at all wrong with wanting that, but there are people out there (guys & gals) with hidden agendas, but I'm sure you already know this.

You can be Mr. ****** Perfect. You can have your finances in order, as you obviously do, and have a squeaky clean record and never find Miss Right. I haven't found her yet and I'm getting up there in years, I'm for sure not getting any younger. I've been divorced. I have a record. I've spent a few days in county (all for non-violent offenses). So I have a few strikes against me that you don't. And it seems like I'm just never going to find her. There is supposed to be a lid for every pot and I believe that but finding her is an entirely different deal.

I would try to find someone with common interests. I know there may not be many women at the shooting range (or I could be wrong, for all I know there could be tons) but try there. You obviously don't have to go in looking to pick up women at the shooting range lmao, just start off being friends. Or. Try getting to know other people in the BDSM community. Though. I'd have some reservations about that, but that's just me. Because I'm not into BDSM.

The more you put yourself out there, I think the more likely it is that you'll find her. I never, ever met a single one of my ex-girlfriends by sitting alone in my apartment thinking about it. Not saying that's what you're doing, I'm just saying. I met all of them, every single one of them through friends or by just being bold enough to start talking to them, when we shared some common interest (a school project, a class together, mutual friends, etc).


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

UltraShy said:


> No, it doesn't sound shallow at all and mentally f'ed up woman who's a masochist would be the perfect partner for me. Since I'm a mentally f'ed up sadist (The S&M part is 100% fully sane; their other issues, no.)
> 
> But just try making friends on an SAS forum. I have given my number out literally hundreds of times. A few, generally intoxicated, member are brave enough to call.
> 
> Or go to a spanking forum and they don't get SA & OCD. See the frustration I face?


That makes sense. But say you do search in that community, are they going to be less tolerant of other f'ed up stuff? I don't know for sure. Who knows, maybe, just maybe you can advertise yourself as a "great spanker! with a bank full of as$ ....assets"
Seems like a solid pick up like me if you put that in a profile. And what are the chances of someone having issues and into s&m. The odds don't seem that bad. I'm not saying there's a link between messed up and kink but anxiety is prevalent and there's bound to be people that have both.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

UltraShy said:


> Let's say there's this guy who's worth $2.8M and plans to spend around $300,000 on a home. That leaves a $2.5M portfolio to provide the growth & income that will be necessary for the rest of their lives. (That's not to brag; it's to state a well-known fact; and provide complete information to any newbies.
> 
> Let's examine his qualities:
> 
> ...


If you're retired with assets just travel. There are plenty of countries where you would easily meet a woman.

If after 43 years you haven't had any luck then it's time to look elsewhere.


----------



## Kanova (Dec 17, 2012)

People who love guns that much are kind of scary. Like, I would be a little put off by someone with a **** ton of guns. Then again, I am not a 'murican.


----------



## dune87 (Aug 10, 2015)

ok, list your cons though cos they're kind of important too.


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

*+*


----------



## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

Have you ever tried SA meetups? 

It might go better if you met women IRL, plus you wouldn't have to worry so much about being asked what you do.


----------



## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Just having money doesn't help. Women don't care about your portfolio. Money means nothing unless it's spent on them, and it's clear from everything I've seen you post that you don't spend money. So financially, you're no better than those crack heads without a dollar. Actually, the crackhead will probably at least share his crack when he has it.


----------



## inane (Oct 21, 2013)

I don't think you should use your wealth as a selling point. Do you really want a partner whose interest in you is primarily due to your money?

I think it's hard for people with SA in general because finding someone, well, requires other people knowing you exist and we don't really put ourselves out there. The more people you meet, or put yourself in situations where you could meet new people, the better chances of finding a connection. That you might have a meaningful conversation that stems into more, or for someone to see you in a pretty light, or whatever.

It's a Law of Averages.


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

Dane said:


> Have you ever tried *SA meetups*?
> 
> It might go better if you met women IRL, plus you wouldn't have to worry so much about being asked what you do.


 rarely works
many guys ----> 1 girl or already has a bf.....


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

You'd be better off not bragging and just trying to get to know someone. But unfortunately the instant they find out that you're unemployed they'll probably hightail it. Women are very skittish when it comes to that kind of thing. They are (typically) approached by so many guys that they can afford to to make up a list of red flags and they will typically bolt at the first sign of something that has caused them problems in the past. Hard to blame them, really.

I honestly don't know how you'd go about talking seriously to a woman (online or off) without the issue of employment eventually coming up. And it would probably come up sooner rather than later because unemployed men are one of the standard red flags. You're an atypical type of guy. Most unemployed men don't have a small fortune to live on. Many of them are abusive and/or are looking for someone they can live with so they don't have to work. So you're that 1 guy in probably a million (literally) that isn't what she would just automatically assume.

I would also just not talk about the gun thing if I were you. I mean, there's a small chance you'll find a woman who is really into guns but again, 99% of the time they're just gonna automatically put you in the red flag bin the instant they hear you love guns.

I guess then it kinda comes down to how badly you want a relationship. If you could live (at least for a while) without having an actual gun collection and not being basically obsessed with them, you would probably have a much better chance with that 99% who would automatically write you off when they find out you have more than one or two guns and find them to be interesting enough to talk about a lot.

And...I don't know. Since you do already have a nice financial cushion, if you did actually look into getting some kind of a job, you wouldn't really need to worry about the things people typically worry about when they're looking for work. If you get fired, what do you care? You can still take care of yourself until you find another. And in the meantime, if you're talking to someone and they ask what you do, you can tell them you have a job. The best part is you don't have to keep doing it once you find someone. Once they get to know you they would possibly be more understanding about the unemployment thing.

It really has a lot to do with first impressions, unfortunately. As I said, women tend to be initially leery of just about anything that seems a bit off (and justifiably so).


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

UltraShy said:


> I think I can be fun to be around, but consider all the women I give my number out to & they're not brave enough to call me. (They can hide their # if they wish & it's not like I grab them through the phone.) I give my number to males too and they too are afraid to call.
> 
> Admittedly, theres a tiny couple percent who are brave enough to call me. That typically results in 2 hour conversations, so I guess I'm pretty good on the phone once I get started.
> 
> ...


Karl, I think that this quote illustrates why you are having such a hard time.

"I think I can be fun to be around," you say. That doesn't cut it. BE fun to be around. Forget about your money and most of everything you mentioned. For any person to be attracted to you, you have to care about them, their life and experiences. I am dating three different women a week now, 4 months ago I could not leave my house. All that matters to these women is, do they enjoy being around me. Do they thank me for my time and energy, because it is a lot of damn work, especially juggling separate open relationships. Once you are comfortable though and strengthen your playboy skills, 90% of a successful relationship is just showing up.

Honestly, I find it a little funny that you keep giving out your number, getting no phone calls, then do the same thing hundreds of times, it sounds like self-torture. As a man, generally it is your job to ask for her number, unless she is very forward and just gives it to you because she wants to see you again and is very confident. No one can tell yo how to have a confident, winning personality. You have to be proud of who you are, and you have to flaunt it to everyone. Imagine flipping a switch and just turning off any pretension, say what you think, do what you want, trust yourself. If you have a lot of unattractive qualities, you will be rejected. I am rejected sometimes still. I look at it as a learning experience. Pay attention to whoever you find beautiful and be conscious of how she reacts to you. I look at dating like a dance. If I step on her toes a little, I can just back off a littles and go back to whatever she seemed to enjoy doing or talking about. It is also important to me that a woman cares enough about me to learn about me the same way I want to know her.

I began to think of courting, dating, sex, the whole picture as a part of life that I want to be involved in. From there it is just being a shameless flirt. You quickly get better with practice. If you meet a woman you are interested in, just talk to her. Maybe the first 5 times you won't be successful when asking for her number, you just won't have the skill yet. But you will learn to improve with any woman you talk to. And remember, a lot of women are very attracted to men and want to have you in their life. They want YOU in their life, not your money, guns or rats, retirement plan, etc.

You need to give of yourself. You have to show women our best self, it is giving them a gift.

Some personal examples of my recent successes:

It started with A, I dated her 10 years ago, off and on for about 3 or 4 years. So I called her first because I know she likes to hear from me and see me and I knew that I could be comfortable with her; it was my first date in years. I gave her the worst kiss either of us has ever experienced. She gave me a massage a few days later and we cuddled for hours talking. I kissed her again but noticed her pull back a little. So The next few dates we had, I was very conscious of not kissing her again because she was obviously a little uncomfortable with it. We are dating a couple times a week now and she is beginning to be very forward with me. Like said, it's a dance. Something wasn't working, I slowed down and re-evaluated, then moved forward again but in a better direction.

I met K at my favorite Tea House while I was there with two other lady friends. When I was cashing out I just made eye contact and smiled, she showed the same signs of being attracted to me so I asked her name and got to know her a bit. The next time I was there, she recognized me, I flirted and got her number, called her that evening, went on a nice walk with her a few days later, I'm seeing her again tomorrow for a spontaneous afternoon in the Spring sun.

I met S on craigslist, chatted with her online until I decided she was worth my time and energy, (remember, it takes effort on your part). "put your best foot forward" on the first couple of dates. Keep it upbeat and fun for HER. You want to get to know her, how else will you know if you are even attracted to her? Shut up about all your personal stuff for a while and just have fun. The reason that women don't put out any effort for you is because you do not put out any effort for her. On a date, you need to be the peacock, show yourself off, not everything in your life that she may not want to hear on a first date. I can't say it enough, but be fun. Attraction is about communicating without words, so pay attention to your body language, learn to say, Hey beautiful i want to get to know you better with your eyes and your smile and a little bit of wit.

Anyways S and I have had a few great dates and we will be going on a hike this weekend. Her and I got very sexual very fast and she says I am the best kisser and that my hands are magical (I am a Massage Therapist so I get that compliment often) She thanked me for pleasing her so much. Every woman is different, which is what makes it so wonderful.

I just met A and set up a date with her. I met her in the wierdest way possible but I still got her number and we're gonna go out next week. While I was driving to a date with someone else, I almost rear ended her car. Really my car gave hers a tiny love tap that didn't even leave a mark (thank god, because I don't have such a generous cash cushion to fall back to). So of course I stopped and gave her all my info incase she wants t file a claim, or something comes up in the future. She was really nice, she had just moved to my area and didn't know anyone and she was really glad that I cared enough to stop and be a decent person, as opposed to just driving off. If I had done that, i never would have met her anyways.

I knew everything was fine, but I just called her the next day to make sure and let her know that I care and because she is beautiful and I want to see her again. She said she was blown away that I cared enough to call her to make sure everything was alright. So we set up a date for next week just to walk around town, get some coffee/tea or whatever.

Today I met some chick at my work, she was a customer. I turned on the charm and she told me where she worked, just down the street from me, when I got off work today I walked over and just asked for her number. She obliged. I am busy with the other ladies so I won't be able to get in touch with her until next weekend. (if I have the energy :wink2: ).

Yeah, I definitely went from zero to sixty in about 3 months. I guess my point is that a woman will go out with you as long as you can make her feel comfortable with you and show her that she'll have some fun with you. All of those things you listed that you think a woman wants to hear, don't say 90% of it, please. It's boring. Talk about your passions, experiences and what truly interests you. Remember though, you want her to do a lot of talking so ask a lot of questions and make sure you communicate that you really do want to find out about her life.

PS- maybe don't brag about guns, it will make a lot of women uncomfortable at first. Wait until she shows interest you, then you get to relax and let her get to know you. You are a man, it is your job to court her.


----------



## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

WillYouStopDave said:


> I would also just not talk about the gun thing if I were you. I mean, there's a small chance you'll find a woman who is really into guns but again, 99% of the time they're just gonna automatically put you in the red flag bin the instant they hear you love guns.


I would honestly just rephrase it to: "I'm a responsible gun owner and a big teddy bear who will protect you from bad guys. And buy you dinner." I guess that's the tone I got, rather than trigger-crazy. Also don't know why I'm posting so much in this thread. Some women like to feel protected.


----------



## Nernef (Nov 21, 2015)

None of those things matter really. It's all about having an attractive face, lean body and being normal with no emotional/mental problems.


----------



## inane (Oct 21, 2013)

Just a note as well, and not to be mean- but if they don't call, I think it's as likely that they're *not that interested*, rather than not being brave enough.

If someone's interested enough and you've given them your number, my conviction is they will call. Don't ask _why this, why that_, if they don't.

*They're just not that into you.*

Knowing this has saved me a lot of sanity when dating. Those who should be in your lives will make an effort to be, especially when the ball is in their court.


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

Kevin001 said:


> The materialistic stuff doesn't matter. Most girls want to have fun. Want to be thrilled. Are you funny? I guess you just have to find someone that is attracted to your personality/lifestyle.


The materialistic stuff does matter. Other than the financial situation, there are a lot of guys who could check those boxes. But yeah, it's probably below average EQ.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I think you can order one from Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Ukraine, Moldova, etc. I read that Moldova is the poorest country in Europe, so they probably come cheap.


----------



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I wish I knew the answer man, i'm still trying to figure that one out =P


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

How do you make people feel, @UltraShy? It's the only thing that matters.

If you're anxious, depressed, bitter, apathetic, etc., you make other people feel anxious, depressed, bitter and apathetic. People don't like feeling anxious, depressed, bitter and apathetic, hence, no relationship.

It doesn't matter how much money you have, or how nice you are, or how stable and loyal you are, or how good-looking you are, if the other person hates spending time with you. Good-looking SA guys have trouble getting gfs, too, because they're awkward and it makes girls feel awkward so the girls get out of the conversation to avoid feeling awkward. A lot of guys here are bitter and antagonistic toward women; well, women don't like to feel defensive or threatened, so they're going to avoid guys like that.

There's no mystery here. If you want people to spend time with you, you have to make the time they spend with you better than the time they spend with someone else. Girls like guys with a sense of humor because they're entertaining; smart guys because they're interesting/intriguing; romantic guys because they make them feel special; adventurous, outgoing guys because they make their lives exciting. People want positive experiences, not negative experiences.

"Deadbeats" get gfs because they're giving those girls some kind of positive experience; it just doesn't have anything to do with money. Maybe they know how to party? Maybe the girls just like the drama? It doesn't really matter; all that matters is that the girl's enjoying herself (at least more than she isn't). Ofc you can use money to give a girl positive experiences, too; take her somewhere she's always wanted to go, buy her something she's always wanted (not someplace you think she should go, or something you think she should want), etc. But you have to put some thought and imagination into using your money to make it work to your advantage. People don't care about your portfolio or having a comfortable retirement; they want to feel alive right now, today.

I'm dirt poor/borderline homeless. I'm ugly. I've got half a dozen mental disorders. I have no friends or social circle IRL. But I've had gfs, and I could get another partner if I really wanted to because I know how to make people feel good. Looks and money are useful assets, but they'll never be more important than knowing how to make a person smile.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I think you can order one from Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Ukraine, Moldova, etc. I read that Moldova is the poorest country in Europe, so they probably come cheap.


That's not fair to women from poor countries. They are women just like you. They want a financially stable man just like you.

You can't buy a wife. He could go to one of those countries, spend time their and meet someone who genuinely likes him. Every woman in Thailand or Moldova is not a ruthless gold digger. He could meet a nice college educated school teacher.

Maybe it works out maybe it doesn't. It's better than doing nothing and being alone.

Why artificially limit yourself to meeting American women?


----------



## k_wifler (Sep 27, 2006)

AngelClare said:


> That's not fair to women from poor countries. They are women just like you. They want a financially stable man just like you.
> 
> You can't buy a wife. He could go to one of those countries, spend time their and meet someone who genuinely likes him. Every woman in Thailand or Moldova is not a ruthless gold digger. He could meet a nice college educated school teacher.
> 
> ...


What if they're all gold diggers, but only the ones in your country are ruthless? Or only the ones you're attracted to are ruthless...


----------



## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

UltraShy said:


> I think I can be fun to be around, but consider all the women I give my number out to & they're not brave enough to call me. (They can hide their # if they wish & it's not like I grab them through the phone.) I give my number to males too and they too are afraid to call.
> 
> Admittedly, theres a tiny couple percent who are brave enough to call me. That typically results in 2 hour conversations, so I guess I'm pretty good on the phone once I get started.
> 
> ...


No you are supposed to say 'put ur number in my phone"

not the other way around.


----------



## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

On the house - $300k seems a bit light to spend. And 3600 square feet but only 3 bedrooms, for $319k with all that land? I know prices vary by location but that seems exceptionally low on the surface. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## sosassy (Oct 29, 2014)

loaded guns in the house is a big turn off, especially for someone with mental illness


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AngelClare said:


> That's not fair to women from poor countries. They are women just like you. They want a financially stable man just like you.
> 
> You can't buy a wife. He could go to one of those countries, spend time their and meet someone who genuinely likes him. Every woman in Thailand or Moldova is not a ruthless gold digger. He could meet a nice college educated school teacher.
> 
> ...


Actually, I don't see anything wrong with gold digging. Marriage is always an exchange of sorts. If I was desperately poor, living in third world country, I'd do the same.


----------



## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

truant said:


> How do you make people feel, @UltraShy? It's the only thing that matters.
> 
> If you're anxious, depressed, bitter, apathetic, etc., you make other people feel anxious, depressed, bitter and apathetic. People don't like feeling anxious, depressed, bitter and apathetic, hence, no relationship.
> 
> ...


That's one of the smartest posts I've ever seen on here.


----------



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

Want to know the secret male mating call for attracting women?












I'll get back to you when I discover it...


----------



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

I mostly look for a guy with a hard body and a cute face.

Preferably under 30. That type that looks like he's been in the gym all day.

Yea, that type. I used to care about job and money and all that but now it's just like, money don't mean nothing if I can't envision you on top of me sweetheart :lol


----------



## Aaron Tupaz (Apr 4, 2016)

Who really calls these days? It's all about texting.


----------



## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Give her a pudding pop!

Before she knows it!

She's all ready

Zip zop zoobity bopped!!

And yours!


----------



## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

I really love what you wrote about needs. See, my mom and dad are not very alike. She's very social and outgoing, while he's quiet and somewhat dull. But they NEEDED each other, so they became one and built a wonderful life together. Yeah, another man may have been able to make her laugh harder (not sure if I've ever even heard my dad tell a joke, LOL) or make her "feel" whatever, but my dad loved her with every iota of his heart and always did everything to meet her needs, so long as she met his needs by committing herself to him and loving him. And you know what? They've been together 40 years.

#TeamNeeds



coeur_brise said:


> I think you need to find a woman whose needs you can fulfill and one who fulfills yours in return. Hopefully you don't attract golddiggers, but yea.. I'd go with needs. People are attracted to each for various reasons and likewise, stay for those same reasons. Also, maybe look in the BDSM community? That sounds shallow but it's at least something you both have in common.. ....:|


----------



## sajs (Jan 3, 2015)

Si pero hablas español ? I do .... y a esas gatitas les encanta .... really.


Now seriously,


I've read "they never call", of course, a woman does not call, YOU call. Women have the power that they don't need anything you listed to worth more than you, they know how guys are, and ultimately it is your penis who wants her, and your penis does not have money, or guns (although it might be a gun on its own), or a house, etc. So, since women know who is interested, they don't see any reason not to make you call (actually your penis should call, but he cant, he can't right? -if so that would be a feat-).

Then, get a 1967 Impala for christ's sake. (or a dodge charger, or a SS Camaro coupe 1969)


----------



## TAruba (Dec 11, 2014)

xxDark Horse said:


> Not be short and scrawny like me.
> 
> Body attractiveness is just as important as face.


I am going to say this, just as a fact, not an insult in any way. Dark Horse, you do not know what you are talking about. Why do you give dating and relationship advice, when you yourself often post that you have little to no experience in this aspect of life?

It is true that physical appearance is important for attraction. BUT how your body and face look has little importance to a mature woman.

Whether you're skinny, fat, have Eczema, short, tall, or you think some part of you is ugly - it is not important. The key to physical attraction is for you to show that you care about your appearance and to use your body language to project confidence and attraction.

Regardless of how you look, make some effort to look your best in public or on a date. The goal is that when any woman sees you, she should notice that you care about yourself enough to try to look your best.

That said, learn to be content and confident about your appearance and start taking some pride in yourself.

I'm decent looking, but I would rarely be attractive to women if I didn't stay clean, regularly cut my hair, brush my teeth, shave, wear clean and decent clothes, smile, stand up straight, make eye contact, etc.

One of the women I am dating is a bit heavier than the women I usually attracted to. She does have a beautiful face though, it is true. She also has eczema and some of her skin looks pretty bad.

But she is attractive to me because her mind is very beautiful, she's fun to be around and we enjoy spending time together. Those are some of the things that actually matter when it comes to dating and attraction.


----------



## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

TAruba said:


> I am going to say this, just as a fact, not an insult in any way. Dark Horse, you do not know what you are talking about. Why do you give dating and relationship advice, when you yourself often post that you have little to no experience in this aspect of life?
> 
> It is true that physical appearance is important for attraction. BUT how your body and face look has little importance to a mature woman.
> 
> ...


Great post. Most guys don't put any effort into how they look. It's a great insight you have when you explain that it's the fact that you look like someone who takes pride in his appearance that makes the biggest impression. It's not all about being good looking. Like you say, the impression you project through confidence and grooming is important.

Also, I've learned from experience that there is no point to dating a woman whose company you don't really enjoy. If a woman is sexy you're so excited that you enjoy being near her and the physical pleasure of the relationship. You ignore that you don't really enjoy her company. But when you meet a woman whose company you really enjoy, it's incomparably better than mere sexual attraction.

I put up with so many crappy women because they were sexy. A total waste of time.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## aaaa1111bbbb2222cccc3333 (May 10, 2015)

These kind of topics always end up as a laundry list of what you should or should not be. The conclusion i get from it is that you're not allowed to be yourself and expect a relationship if you don't fit the generic template demanded by society (outgoing, confident, stable career, etc.). Consequently the only quality you really need is to be a good actor.


----------



## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

you need to be the entertainer..... constantly make her wet.


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

thedevilsblood said:


> These kind of topics always end up as a laundry list of what you should or should not be. The conclusion i get from it is that you're not allowed to be yourself and expect a relationship if you don't fit the generic template demanded by society (outgoing, confident, stable career, etc.). Consequently the only quality you really need is to be a good actor.


You can't really blame this on other people, or on society. It's just the way human brains operate: it likes pleasurable stimulation and dislikes painful stimulation. Getting friends and partners is just a matter of creating more pleasurable stimulation than negative stimulation. You can't expect other people to turn unpleasant sensations into pleasant sensations just because you think they're being "shallow", especially since you're incapable of changing it in your own case. So complaining about the "laundry lists" is like complaining that you can't leave you hand in a fire without getting burned.

But there are no 'rules' about what you have to be. You just have to create positive experiences. How you go about creating them is irrelevant. You can even keep all your annoying traits as long as you have one really good trait that compensates. That's why people fall for people they "shouldn't" -- because there's something captivating about them -- the positive ultimately outweighs all the negative.


----------



## HenDoggy (Jul 26, 2014)

thedevilsblood said:


> Yeah but that's assuming that interacting with outgoing extroverted people is necessarily a pleasant experience; and that interacting with with some awkward introvert has to be unpleasant. That's the common preference of people.
> 
> Personally i just like genuine people. It doesn't bother me if they're awkward, or shy, etc. I prefer to have a meaningful conversation with someone i can relate to. Of course i guess i am biased... Still, i like outsiders and i like people with flaws. But it takes more time to know these people, and if you're that kind of guy, and afflicted with SA on top of that, you will never get a second chance with someone, cause they'll expect you to be immediately entertaining, etc.
> 
> ...


I agree with what you had to say.

People have been conditioned to value certain traits over others when it comes to dating and finding a partner whether it be from friends,family or media. And those traits are mostly ones extroverts possess.

In order to find a partner, you have to have a wide circle of friends, be on top of social media. Cause we all know only the creepy weirdos don't have friends and facebook account.

You also have to have an outgoing hobbies, cause who wants some loser who sits at home all day right? Money is also a big thing. You can buy nice shiny things with it and women love nice shiny things lol

Do you guys really think it was as hard for us to attract someone 50 years ago? It was the rise of all this technology and instant gratification that made women picky as ever to who her suitor is going to be(nothing against women, it's just a part of evolution and instincts to find the best potential mate) so pretty much the guys with any sort of mental issues is going to be left in the dust cause who is going to want someone with mental issues right?

Plus on top of that it seems technology has made everyone have adhd and a shorter attention span. If you are not entertaining her, she'll just find someone else who is going to.

Guys need to stop putting girls on a pedestal. Commenting on every single picture etc. sounds like I've been reading that men's right nonsense but nope, This is just my perception of how times have vastly change in dating due to advancements in technology.

Also you can try faking certain quailties but their is no faking having friends or hobbies etc.


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

It takes not being obsessed with yourself, and caring about her as a unique individual because of who she is (not as a way for you to have a woman). Not having fantasies about threatening to shoot people might help too.


----------



## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

thedevilsblood said:


> Yeah but that's assuming that interacting with outgoing extroverted people is necessarily a pleasant experience; and that interacting with with some awkward introvert has to be unpleasant. That's the common preference of people.
> 
> Personally i just like genuine people. It doesn't bother me if they're awkward, or shy, etc. I prefer to have a meaningful conversation with someone i can relate to. Of course i guess i am biased... Still, i like outsiders and i like people with flaws. But it takes more time to know these people, and if you're that kind of guy, and afflicted with SA on top of that, you will never get a second chance with someone, cause they'll expect you to be immediately entertaining, etc.
> 
> ...


I'm not assuming anything. All people operate exactly the same way, they just like/dislike different things.

Most people find it depressing to be around depressed people. Feeling depressed is a negative experience, so they avoid spending time with people like that. Unless, perhaps, they're one of those people who derives satisfaction from cheering people up. In which case, if they make a positive impact on the depressed person, they may experience the interaction as positive. The reason why most people don't enjoy being around SA people is because the awkwardness is unpleasant. Non-SA people avoid SA people for the exact same reason SA people avoid all people: because they find the stimulation unpleasant. If you blame non-SA people for not enjoying that kind of stimulation, you also have to blame SA people for not enjoying socializing.

But no one is 'just' depressed, or 'just' SA; people are complicated. You can be depressed and SA and still have friends and romantic partners, but you have to be creating _some_ kind of positive experience in other people, and it has to exceed the negative, so that, on the whole, people derive more satisfaction from being around you than not being around you. If you're depressed and SA that doesn't mean you can't create positive experiences, and it doesn't mean you have to change who you are -- unless you've defined yourself as a depressed and SA person and nothing else.

Most men derive a lot of positive stimulation from attractive women, and many men would be happy to spend time with an attractive woman who was both SA and depressed, because the positive stimulation of her appearance outweighs the negative stimulation of her mood. Women respond to slightly different cues, but many would spend time with, for example, a talented musician or artist, or a gifted comedian, because the positive stimulation of being around someone like that would outweigh the negative. You don't have to fit one rigid mold; you have to create positive experiences, and those positive experiences can come from whatever you happen to be naturally gifted in.

You only have to 'change' yourself if you believe that the you that you are is incapable of providing any kind of positive experiences. I've invested a tremendous amount of time and effort in cultivating my character to make myself interesting to other people because I know that my appearance is a huge handicap -- I have a lot of negative stimulation to compensate for; but none of the changes I've made have been contrary to my nature, or to appease other people; they've all been natural developments of my own interests and abilities. My handicap has forced me to develop my latent abilities to a high degree. At no point have I felt 'coerced' in this development, beyond the simple self-induced coercion of wanting to have friends and romantic partners, and wanting to find ways to get their attention.

I don't believe anyone is incapable of generating positive experiences in other people, but I believe a lot of people are convinced that they can't because they confuse the most obvious means -- looks, money, etc. -- as the only means, which is not even remotely true. Your own preferences are proof of that.


----------



## Wendy100 (Jul 12, 2016)

men and women (scientifically) have very different biology, which causes their mating criteria to differ. Women want safe, warm, surety, leisure. Men want sex, strength, courage, and stuff. So to be attractive to women, you need to be safe, warm, and caring. If you are all about ego or fame or conquering, you will not be attractive to women in general, except those women who have those same goals you do.

So, analyze your true goals....on paper. really. putting things on paper makes you see more clearly.
List ways to achieve those goals.
List ways a woman would participate in those goals
Then let any woman look at that data and give her opinion. It is an opinion, not a test. It's invaluable information for you to use to get real about what you want to have or accomplish before you die. yes, we all die. 

Your blog indicates to this woman that you are really into guns. Immediately I cross you off my list of even friends (not important, of course, to you) So perhaps you should seek a woman who is into guns. where can you find such a woman? The shooting range? A hunting club?


----------



## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

-Confidence. You need to put yourself out there and the ability to talk to people. A relationship cannot possibly develop if you don't put yourself out there and talk to her.

-You need to ask her out at some point and let her know you want to be more than just friends but don't make it obvious too quickly. You can ask for her number or her snapchat to start off. Ask to hangout. 


Why would she possibly like you? It could be any of these reasons

-Are you two compatible?
-Are you funny?
-Are you a genuine guy?


Basic stuff like that.


----------



## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I think if you're a regular type of guy being unemployed is abig turnoff. I'd set up a business offering advice over financial issues. Even if there are few clients at least you can claim to have a career of sorts. I don't think having loads of interests is that big a deal these days. A lot of people are too busy and devoted to their xareers to have many hobbies. It doesn't hurt to have a couple though to help strengthen a connection. Politics, travel, keeping fit etc.


----------



## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

i think it comes down to how many and what kind of people you meet. that's all.


----------



## Smiddy (Apr 8, 2012)

Work on your footwork mah boi. 
Women like the fancy feet.


----------



## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

My opinion: 

Average looks
At least a height of 5'8"
A job (enough to pay the bills)
A car 
Fun personality (funny, happy, etc...)
Normal weight
Clean (takes showers, washes clothes, etc...)
Own apartment/house.


----------



## JaegerLover217 (Feb 23, 2016)

well,a lot i guess


----------



## The Phantom Pain (Oct 6, 2010)

UltraShy said:


> Let's say there's this guy who's worth $2.8M and plans to spend around $300,000 on a home. That leaves a $2.5M portfolio to provide the growth & income that will be necessary for the rest of their lives. (That's not to brag; it's to state a well-known fact; and provide complete information to any newbies.
> 
> Let's examine his qualities:
> 
> ...


You would think all that positive stuff would matter, but it's meaningless if you can't easily talk to women and keep a conversation going.

Not to mention that SA and all of it's related disorders are like a death sentence in the dating world, especially if you have to make the first move and keep the other party interested.

It's sad to say, but a woman really has to like a guy to date him over a male without SA.


----------



## ljubo (Jul 26, 2015)

A lot. Females have many demands. They would never accept a guy who is ugly, dumb, short and have no friends.


----------

