# Dating somebody with a kid?



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Would you?


----------



## Nada (Dec 19, 2004)

Already did


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

No. I don't want to become an evil stepmother.

I prefer men with cats.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Maybe in the future I feel I'm too young for that kind of thing right now.


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

No.


----------



## Alone75 (Jul 29, 2013)

Yes, but they wouldn't date me.


----------



## Paper Samurai (Oct 1, 2009)

I'm way too young, don't have a consistent run of employment under my belt or the desire to raise kids in any way. :teeth


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Just that I met a really nice one afew months ago,she says I am really hot and that she's falling for me


----------



## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

I'm really not sure.


----------



## Chappy02 (Sep 27, 2012)

I once dated a guy with kids. I don't want to do that again.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I dont really know.


----------



## coffeeandflowers (Mar 2, 2013)

I have, although I never met the kid and wasn't interested in doing so. It was more of a casual thing. I really wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone with kids. I don't plan on having any, and wouldn't have interest in someone else's kids and that could be a problem. It just seems like it would be too much drama.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Hell naw


----------



## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Depends.

If the kid isn't a brat and I really was in love/loved their mother then heck yeah I'd do it.

But if the kid is a brat hell naw.


----------



## changeme77 (Feb 22, 2013)

Probably not. You don't know what the situation with the ex is like. It's just added issues you don't need and the girl is much more likely to want to settle down sooner because of her kids.


----------



## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

Ha ha kids are so awesome some times, but i dont want to be tied down by something like that, not yet anyway. who knows whats around the corner though.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

It's a catch 22 I really like her,we get on good to its just the kid that's putting me off.


----------



## Bawsome (Jan 8, 2013)

Rossy said:


> It's a catch 22 I really like her,we get on good to its just the kid that's putting me off.


What is it about the kid that is putting you off?


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

The fact it's a kid that's all I am not a fan of them.


----------



## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

no....i don't want to deal w/ their ex, either. they're tied to them forever because of the kid.


----------



## Durzo (Jun 4, 2011)

I would not. I am in no fit state to become an adult figure in a childs life. Besides even if I were, I would rather not be.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I have this fear that she'll hook you in with sex, and then fake reluctantly start asking you to do things like pick her kids up from school, babysit them, etc. When I think of dating, I think of being able to spend copious amounts of alone time with her, traveling together, talking about our dreams. Can't do that with them tied down by kids and an ex. If my girlfriend, wife, or whatever is to have any kids, it's with my DNA. I want to be there for her first childbirth. Learning how to become parents together for the first time. I'm selfish.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

That would be an interesting dilemma for me, because I don't plan on having kids - ever. But... if I fell in love with someone who had a kid, and I wanted to spend my life with him, I can't imagine backing out because of that. Hell, maybe I'd even change my mind while getting to know the kid. Who knows?


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I am just wondering if I should just forget it,but we have been speaking for months now she's kinda under my skin if that makes sense.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I have to question the intentions of single moms. Do they actually want to be with _me_, or do they just want someone that will probably be a good father to their kids? Hypothetically, if she didn't have those kids, would she even be dating me in the first place? Kidless, she'd probably still be chasing after the type of guy that got her pregnant. The one she actually lusts for. Wow, I made so many generalizations just now. But you get my point.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I have to question the intentions of single moms. Do they actually want to be with _me_, or do they just want a father for their kids? Hypothetically, if she didn't have those kids, would she even be dating me in the first place? Kidless, she'd probably still be chasing after the type of guy that got her pregnant. The one she actually lusts for. Wow, I made so many generalizations just now.


Some are divorced, right? Not all had the kid out of wedlock. I don't really understand having kids out of wedlock. I'd abort in a millisecond.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I know I am treading carefully.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Some are divorced, right? Not all had the kid out of wedlock. I don't really understand having kids out of wedlock. I'd abort in a millisecond.


Even if she didn't have kids out of wedlock, I'd still have to question her intentions.


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

probably offline said:


> That would be an interesting dilemma for me, because I don't plan on having kids - ever. But... if I fell in love with someone who had a kid, and I wanted to spend my life with him, I can't imagine backing out because of that. Hell, maybe I'd even change my mind while getting to know the kid. Who knows?


If he told you he had a kid before you got to know him well, would you still pursue it? And if you guys were dating and he _didn't_ tell you that until way later, isn't that a huge deception?


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Even if she didn't have kids out of wedlock, I'd still have to question her intentions.


You mean like if she is out of your league?

Unless you are well to do or much older than her I wouldn't worry about it.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

rymo said:


> If he told you he had a kid before you got to know him well, would you still pursue it? And if you guys were dating and he _didn't_ tell you that until way later, isn't that a huge deception?


If I was really interested in him, I would keep seeing him(it takes a lot for me to become interested). I'd prefer if he'd tell me straight away/soon, yeah. I'm not hoping I'll meet someone with a kid, though. Hah.


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

rymo said:


> If he told you he had a kid before you got to know him well, would you still pursue it? And if you guys were dating and he _didn't_ tell you that until way later, isn't that a huge deception?


Flip the sexes and for me its a huge no. The second I hear a woman has a kid I lose all interest


----------



## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Jesuszilla said:


> Flip the sexes and for me its a huge no. The second I hear a woman has a kid I lose all interest


Same. Not that there's anything wrong with a woman already having a kid, it's just not my thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I feel like I just wouldn't fall in love with someone who had a kid. Maybe it's different with women because they traditionally go for someone older than them, and therefore the likelihood of that person having a kid is higher. I'm not sure.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> You mean like if she is out of your league?


Yes. Cause I talked with this girl (19) a year ago who was out of my league looks wise, and she came onto me like no other girl did before. Found out she had a kid and it all made sense. She would send me suggestive photos in what I guess was an attempt to lure me in. I seemed like such a "nice guy" compared to her ******* ex and other guys that used her for sex. I didn't get involved.



> Unless you are well to do or much older than her I wouldn't worry about it.


Can you elaborate?


----------



## jessabones (Jun 25, 2013)

I've done it before and yikes! Only because the baby was 3 yrs old so the mom was very much in our lives and unfortunately in our business. Personally I don't want and don't plan on having kids of my own. I'm also against having children before marriage. **** happens I guess, but If the kid is 16+ that's fine. As long as it doesn't involve the mother still being strongly in my boyfriend's or husband's life. That just calls for baby mama drama. I guess it's one of the small reasons I prefer older men. Women on the other hand who are on their own with kids, not a thing wrong with that. As long as you aren't stalking the guys NEW girl and acting like some crazy ex. I have been on the receiving end of that bull**** and it isn't fair. I don't care how many kids the two had together. Keep* MY* name out of your mouth. I'm not the one who knocked you up.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

4 year old


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Yes. Cause I talked with this girl (19) a year ago who was out of my league looks wise, and she came onto me like no other girl did before. Found out she had a kid and it all made sense. She would send me suggestive photos in what I guess was an attempt to lure me in. I seemed like such a "nice guy" compared to her ******* ex and other guys that used her for sex. I didn't get involved.
> 
> Can you elaborate?


Oh. In that case it's a bit suspicious.

I mean normally women don't want to date guys 10 years older than them. So I'd imagine a single mom might be more into that for the stability since guys tend to make more money with age and more likely want to settle down soon.

But if the woman is close to your age and not out of your league, and you aren't doing that well financially I wouldn't worry about it. Can't get blood out of a stone.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

rymo said:


> Same. Not that there's anything wrong with a woman already having a kid, it's just not my thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I feel like I just wouldn't fall in love with someone who had a kid. *Maybe it's different with women because they traditionally go for someone older than them, and therefore the likelihood of that person having a kid is higher.* I'm not sure.


Uh no(I prefer younger guys). I just wouldn't rule out someone who seem like they could become a great love, because of a factor which is beyond that person's control. It doesn't hurt to try and see where it goes.


----------



## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

As long as there's chemistry, sure why not.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Oh. In that case it's a bit suspicious.
> 
> I mean normally women don't want to date guys 10 years older than them. So I'd imagine a single mom might be more into that for the stability since guys tend to make more money with age and more likely want to settle down soon.
> 
> But if the woman is close to your age and not out of your league, and you aren't doing that well financially I wouldn't worry about it. Can't get blood out of a stone.


Unless the "blood" is caretaking. But I'm not stupid enough to fall for that.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

komorikun said:


> Some are divorced, right? Not all had the kid out of wedlock. I don't really understand having kids out of wedlock. I'd abort in a millisecond.


I think some people just never intend to marry though, my aunt and her boyfriend have been together since I was like... 7/8 I guess? They had their first child when I was 10/11 and another in 2009 and they're still not married.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Even if she didn't have kids out of wedlock, I'd still have to question her intentions.


Kind of sucks that some people take your viewpoint. There's going to be people who are single with kids (more than ever these days due to divorce rates and the like) and they deserve to date too...


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I think some people just never intend to marry though, my aunt and her boyfriend have been together since I was like... 7/8 I guess? They had their first child when I was 10/11 and another in 2009 and they're still not married.


That's sort of a de facto or common-law marriage. They've been living together a long time.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Oh. In that case it's a bit suspicious.
> 
> I mean normally women don't want to date guys 10 years older than them. So I'd imagine a single mom might be more into that for the stability since guys tend to make more money with age and more likely want to settle down soon.
> 
> *But if the woman is close to your age and not out of your league, and you aren't doing that well financially I wouldn't worry about it. Can't get blood out of a stone.*


I just don't see how a single mom could enter a serious relationship with a guy who can't provide stability or caregiving. Unless she's just looking for a fling.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I just don't see how a single mom could enter a serious relationship with a guy who can't provide stability or caregiving. Unless she's just looking for a fling.


She's still a woman. She'll still desire what women with no kids want.

If you don't have much money how will you really help? You're working so how could you help with caregiving unless she works nights and you work days?


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> She's still a woman. She'll still desire what women with no kids want.
> 
> If you don't have much money how will you really help? You're working so how could you help with caregiving unless she works nights and you work days?


Even if she does like me for me and doesn't have an ulterior motive, how will she find the time for me? Her kids come first. I'm too selfish to come second or include her kids in our outings. Also, I like being spontaneous. I don't want to always have to schedule around her children, but that's going to be the case when dating a mom.


----------



## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Single mothers need love, too.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Even if she does like me for me and doesn't have an ulterior motive, how will she find the time for me? Her kids come first. I'm too selfish to come second or include her kids in our outings. Also, I like being spontaneous. I don't want to always have to schedule around her children, but that's going to be the case when dating a mom.


Well, yeah. That's why I wouldn't want to date a guy with kids. I'm too selfish and don't have enough toleration for things. I know I'd develop a grudge towards the kid if I had to do a lot of stuff I didn't want to. And I don't have enough personality to win over a sullen kid upset about their parent's breakup.

I know it's really hard to be a step-parent because if you discipline the kid, the kid will hate your guts. And in a way you can't really discipline a kid fairly unless you love them.


----------



## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Well, yeah. That's why I wouldn't want to date a guy with kids. I'm too selfish and don't have enough toleration for things. I know I'd develop a grudge towards the kid if I had to do a lot of stuff I didn't want to. And I don't have enough personality to win over a sullen kid upset about their parent's breakup.
> 
> I know it's really hard to be a step-parent because if you discipline the kid the kid will hate your guts. And in a way you can't really discipline a kid fairly unless you love them.


The kids can always pull the "you're not my mom" card whenever there's a disagreement. Blah.


----------



## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

Tried it, wasnt for me... Never again


----------



## VakarineMy (Oct 1, 2013)

It would really depend. I used to despise kids, but now I think they are kind of cute and fun. I couldn't handle any drama with the other parent though. That's really the main concern for me.

My problem is that I have less respect slightly for people that carelessly breed. And many single people with kids (and married ones for that matter) carelessly bred.


----------



## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

tea111red said:


> no....i don't want to deal w/ their ex, either. they're tied to them forever because of the kid.


Exactly.

My answer: hell no.


----------



## MiMiK (Aug 25, 2011)

im with sin on this one :\


----------



## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

most likely not because i don't even want kids of my own. but you can never rule out the possibility if its someone you really connect with.


----------



## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Almost five years ago, I met a woman who had a six year old. It was mainly a casual thing with us but I started to see her more and more. Five months later, I met her daughter for the first time. Fast forward almost five years, it was one of the best decisions I made in my life.


----------



## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

If I were older (35+), I'd give it a shot. At my age, no. I don't want to be with a guy who's tied down. 

That being said, if you really like her, give it a shot, OP. If the kid proves to be a nuisance in the relationship, then you guys are simply not a match.


----------



## h00dz (Dec 25, 2012)

TheDarkGuardian said:


> Depends.
> 
> If the kid isn't a brat and I really was in love/loved their mother then heck yeah I'd do it.
> 
> But if the kid is a brat hell naw.


This ^

In fact one of my last crushes was a 35 year old lady with a child... (probably something I get used too as for some reason, I seem to gravitate to older women  )


----------



## Zeppelin (Jan 23, 2012)

komorikun said:


> No. I don't want to become an evil stepmother.
> 
> I prefer men with cats.


How many cats does a man have to have for you to like him? I mean, would you date a "crazy cat man"?


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Zeppelin said:


> How many cats does a man have to have for you to like him? I mean, would you date a "crazy cat man"?


He just has to like cats. Doesn't need to own any but if he has one great.


----------



## jessabones (Jun 25, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I think some people just never intend to marry though, my aunt and her boyfriend have been together since I was like... 7/8 I guess? They had their first child when I was 10/11 and another in 2009 and they're still not married.


 So they are playing house?
Why not just marry....? I find that odd, bringing kids and such into a relationship that's been going on yrs yrs and yrs and never marrying? Hmm.


----------



## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I rather not


----------



## kelly19 (Oct 28, 2013)

Ummmm not at this point of time..may be in the next 5 years or so...


----------



## Gwynevere (Oct 6, 2013)

I would totally date someone with a kid, but only casually.


----------



## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)




----------



## Terranaut (Jul 11, 2013)

As long as she let's me know before hand that she has a kid or children.

When I was in my mid 20's I started seeing someone who withheld that from me. I was naive an assumed she was not a mom. She had sent her son to be raised by his grandmother in another state. But she never said anything to me. What do you do after you've let yourself fall in love with someone when you're young like that and you hear it three or four months later from someone else that she has been hiding this? It put me in a terrible position because she was emotionally fragile and would cry and it would have made me seem brutish to dump her. (To complicate things even more we were inter-racial). I wound up accepting it but the pressures of it broke us up after five years. He was a wonderful young man though and seemed to genuinely like and respect me.

My last g/f whom I met over the net had two young sons and never mentioned them until we were past the phone sex stage. Some woman must feel it's the kiss of death to be honest up front that they have kid(s). To me it's to be expected that they had a past.


----------



## sawako (Sep 28, 2013)

I have and have had no issues with it. 
I am also a divorced parent, and know that no guy will ever be interested in me again, due to the huge amount of stereotypes about single parents (that we're only looking for a rich baby daddy, are taking advantage of the system, raise future criminals, don't care about our kid(s), etc). But that's life.


----------



## Daveyboy (Jan 13, 2013)

sawako said:


> I have and have had no issues with it.
> I am also a divorced parent, and know that no guy will ever be interested in me again, due to the huge amount of stereotypes about single parents


I agree, the stereotypes you mentioned are cruel and wrong..

It's even worse then the guys who think they are doing the woman a "favor" somehow by dating them...

A lot of people are a lot stupid....


----------



## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Rossy said:


> Would you?


 I probably wouldn't date anyone but I especially would not be keen on someone with a kid. Just too much drama and kids need good role models and good parents.


----------



## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

It doesn't sound that horrifying to me.


----------



## sawako (Sep 28, 2013)

Daveyboy said:


> It's even worse then the guys who think they are doing the woman a "favor" somehow by dating them...


I agree. I've had men assume that I was desperate, and/or easy. But I think a big problem is that some assume the worst, but don't know a person's situation.


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Not my type.


----------



## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

komorikun said:


> He just has to like cats. Doesn't need to own any but if he has one great.


Well now...


----------



## starsonfire (May 28, 2013)

I'm not good with kids and I'm not fond of them, so it's very unlikely that I would get involved with someone who has kids. Although I suppose for a short term relationship it's not much of a problem. For something long term though where you could end up living together, it's not something I would want.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Not sure if I can be bothered anymore


----------



## ASB20 (Jun 5, 2013)




----------



## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

I'm a 22-year-old child myself, so no... lol.
I don't make a good authority figure to children, and I can't deal with them well.

I don't ever want children myself.


----------



## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Am in the same boat,been thinking for ages about a vasectomy just to make sure I don't have any kids.


----------



## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

Grand said:


> I'm a 22-year-old child myself, so no... lol.
> I don't make a good authority figure to children, and I can't deal with them well.
> 
> I don't ever want children myself.


since when is 22 a child? I cant deal with them well either , no patience


----------



## Subject 1 (Oct 30, 2013)

I think I would consider it.
Depends on how I click with the woman.

Also would depend on the level of interaction the Father has with the child or the level of interaction the Mother as with the child.

A lot of variable come up.


----------



## jessabones (Jun 25, 2013)

theCARS1979 said:


> since when is 22 a child? I cant deal with them well either , no patience


 I think she means ideally she is in no way ready for a child at 22.
A lot of people are not ready for a child at 22.
There is no way you would be financially ready for one that young. A majority is still in school. Unless you marry someone in the military for financial reasons.


----------



## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

theCARS1979 said:


> since when is 22 a child? I cant deal with them well either , no patience


By that, I meant that I'm immature and am unable to even take care of myself, let alone able to take care of children. I'm still dependent on my parents and do not do things most people my age do.


----------

