# The "Princess B****" has arrived.



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

My name is Kaitlyn, I am currently sixteen years old, and I (obviously) suffer from social anxiety. Unfortunately, my peers seem to think otherwise.

From what I have deduced, my shyness is percieved as arrogance or "standoffish". In reality, I hardly speak in class because I find difficulty relating to those around me. I do not listen to the same music or watch the same shows, and I would honestly rather read an interesting book than go out partying or drinking. I have tried to act as a "normal teenager" is supposed to by researching what is popular modern day, but no matter how hard I try -- and I have tried, _truly_ I have -- I cannot get into it. My advanced vocabulary is quite daunting as well, and those I manage to converse with struggle to understand me. I find I "dumb myself down" to manage a somewhat intellectual conversation. I honestly cannot tell if I am at fault for having a higher mental prowess than those around me, or if I should pity my peers for being so dull.

I have been told by many -- both strangers and friends alike -- that I am very pretty (although I care little for the compliment because I would rather be appreciated for my intellect than my physical appearance), and that when people first see me I appear quite intimidating. As a child I was taught to always walk with my head held high and shoulders back, for every stride to appear purposeful, elegant, and confident. According to a friend of mine, this is how I appear at first glance:

"When I first saw you in the hallways I was like 'holy **** she's gorgeous' and I noticed almost everyone else thinking the same thing because they just stopped walking and their eyes followed after you, muttering things like 'Damn she's hot' and 'Woahhh'. I dunno what it is about you, Kaitlyn, you just have this magnetic aura that people are drawn to but too intimidated to approach. Even walking then you had this 'you're not worthy enough to be seen by me' majestic look. While I was scared if you did see me you'd stare down at me like I was scum on the side of your shoe, I knew then I wanted to be your best friend. After that I kind of stalked you for a while until I finally gathered the nerve to talk to you, and then I found out you were actually really sweet and down to Earth... And that I need to start reading a Dictionary. Seriously."

...As I stated before: I appear arrogant and considerably more confident than I really am, although I do not intent to be. It is for that reason I believe I was called the first (as far as I know) and hopefully the last naughty word.

As the title of this forum suggests (and the reason you are probably here) I was called a "Princess B****". The scene was, if you had not guessed, at school. In my science class we have assigned seating in pairs when we take tests. I happened to sit next to this boy. I was reading my book, waiting for the tests to be distributed, when he arrived in the classroom, saw he had to sit next to me, then promptly turned to the pair sitting behind us (I presume they were his friends) and he said "Oh great, I have to sit next to the Princess B****." At the time, it was actually quite amusing (especially considering students at my school, for reasons I will never understand, say "Hey Hoe" as an endearing greeting), as well as surprising and a little irritating. It was in that moment I finally understood just how arrogant I appeared. Later after I had finished my test and resumed reading, that same boy had the nerve to ask me for an answer to one of the questions. When asked nicely I will help those that do not understand concepts or aspects of the material in class, but never give answers or any hints during quizes or tests; at they point they are on their own. I was also still a little frazzled by what he had said before, so I promptly turned to him and buried my SA enough to say: "I apologize, but Princesses -- especially b****y ones -- do not associate with Peasants."

...Indeed, I was quite sassy, and I probably appeared even more arrogant than I did before, but on the plus side... I have taken another step towards conquering my SA, if only a little one.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

*I apologize...*

I apologize for the long post, and I thank you if you have made it this far.

Now that you understand what has happened and my situation, there are a few things I wish to know:

Is what I said to that boy wrong? Should I have just ignored him completely or merely shook my head?

Is there any way I can make myself seem less intimidating?

What can I do to "fit in" or help others understand me? Although the end of High School is just around the corner, I feel I may have this problem (relating with others) for the rest of my life. I do not wish to live and die alone simply because I think and act differently from those around me...

Any advice from those wiser than I?


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

Stop being a *****, simple as that.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

*Ah PatheticGuy, you truly are pathetic...*



PatheticGuy said:


> Stop being a *****, simple as that.


Easier said than done.


----------



## ChrisSAS (Dec 7, 2013)

I had a read of your blog and saw this post and I am afraid you re probably wiser than I will ever be. What he said was clearly inappropriate but perhaps the response you made was just a little condescending, I don't know. You should certainly stand up for yourself but you don't want them to think they got the reaction they wanted from you. You sound like your probably light years ahead of your peers in the IQ department. I can only imagine that once you graduate High School and move on in life you will probably meet people you can better relate with. 

Take care and all the best.


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

It's simple like I said, it's just having the humility and tact to do so. You claim you're down to earth, it should be easy to show that.


----------



## alex9498 (Aug 15, 2011)

If you really wanted to be the bigger person, you should of just apologized to him that you're sorry for making it seem like you were stuck up.

I think you did the right thing anyway, he called you the b word and you gave him a good *intelligent* comeback in return.

In high school there a lot of immature kids. I think you should just stick to people that are more like yourself and then once you get to college you won't have to deal with anyone immature anymore and you can only converse with people you find to be intelligent.


----------



## UNRNDM1 (Jul 14, 2013)

I think you did the right thing. He said something rude, so you called him out on it. Some people need to be put in their place. I use to get that misinterpretation all the time in high school. People would start fights with me, because they claimed I gave them a dirty look when I really didn't


----------



## somesortof (Dec 28, 2012)

if you really want it, then the only way is to become part of them.
for instance, to give you a hint, you could very well help the rude boy who asked for help just so he would not become an 'enemy' in the future.

As much as your intelligent side is the one that should be the priority in your life, you should also have a 'dirty' side, for that to happen you have to sacrifice some of your current principle, obviously keep reading, but why show it off? 
if you are as intelligent as you think you are, then think before talking and act accordingly, use simple words, agree with them, look at them, talk to them.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

somesortof said:


> if you really want it, then the only way is to become part of them.
> for instance, to give you a hint, you could very well help the rude boy who asked for help just so he would not become an 'enemy' in the future.
> 
> As much as your intelligent side is the one that should be the priority in your life, you should also have a 'dirty' side, for that to happen you have to sacrifice some of your current principle, obviously keep reading, but why show it off?
> if you are as intelligent as you think you are, then think before talking and act accordingly, use simple words, agree with them, look at them, talk to them.


Indeed, I could have helped that boy, just as I could gain "friends" by pretending to be someone I am not, but would forging a companionship over false pretenses really be satisfying? In otherwords, would I truly feel happy if I made "fake friends"?

A person can only truly be considered an enemy if they are a worthy adversary. That boy is not. Perhaps he does hate me after what I had said, or maybe he was surprised I stood up for myself, or maybe he felt embarassed that I had heard his little comment, or maybe a mix of all three -- it does not matter. I stayed true to who I am. I remained an individual.

I do not wish to be used. I do not wish to play the role of someone who can be manipulated easily, someone who is not worthy of respect; a "sheeple", a drone, a _follower._ Would giving up something so precious -- would giving up a feeling of _individuality _really be worth making "friends" with someone who will no longer be by your side say, a year from now, or five years, or even attend your funeral? I truly want to know.

"Act accordingly, use simple words, agree with them, look at them, talk to them," sounds like simply being a puppet. A relationship is supposed to be a equivalent exchange; a balance of give-and-take between two people. Merely nodding my head and falsely smiling sounds dull, mediocre. Doing so would mean a person does not have the confidence to be themself, and that is truly pitiful.

Tell me, is this method of pretending to be like everyone else, of merely nodding your head satisfying? Is this something you have done and you are, dare I say "happy"?

...I do not mean to sound arrogant -- truly, I do not, I just really wish to know.


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

The arrogance of youth is basically what this sounds like. She thinks exactly how I did and I'm sure tons of other people have at her age. Maybe she'll learn quicker than I did and if she's lucky she'll learn humility and learn to be happy.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

ChrisSAS said:


> I had a read of your blog and saw this post and I am afraid you re probably wiser than I will ever be. What he said was clearly inappropriate but perhaps the response you made was just a little condescending, I don't know. You should certainly stand up for yourself but you don't want them to think they got the reaction they wanted from you. You sound like your probably light years ahead of your peers in the IQ department. I can only imagine that once you graduate High School and move on in life you will probably meet people you can better relate with.
> 
> Take care and all the best.


(People actually read my blog? That is... surprising. They hardly ever comment. Hopefully it is somewhat inspirational.)

Wiser than an adult several years older than I -- wise at only the age of sixteen? I doubt it. Teenage years are the time when a person thinks they know everything, but actually know little to nothing at all. Isn't an adult supposed to tell me I am wrong and provide sufficient advice because they have more experience? Guide me down the correct path, so to speak?

Perhaps I was a bit condescending, and my comment was probably not necessary. I suppose I just did not want him to think he could push me around. Honestly, the thought of going out into "the real world" is a bit frightening. Supposively, "people don't change" even after graduating from High School, and if I cannot learn to converse with people now, I may never.

What should I do? How do I prepare myself for life after High School? How can I relate to others if my "IQ is light years ahead" of not only my peers in High School, but perhaps in college or at my future job as well?


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

PatheticGuy said:


> The arrogance of youth is basically what this sounds like. She thinks exactly how I did and I'm sure tons of other people have at her age. Maybe she'll learn quicker than I did and if she's lucky she'll learn humility and learn to be happy.


Will you be learning humility any time soon?


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

When has the humble patheticguy ever shown anything but humility?


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

PatheticGuy said:


> The arrogance of youth is basically what this sounds like. She thinks exactly how I did and I'm sure tons of other people have at her age. Maybe she'll learn quicker than I did and if she's lucky she'll learn humility and learn to be happy.


I want to learn. Can you teach me or provide the answers I cannot find?

How does one learn humility? And what exactly is happiness? At what time will I transition between this "arrogance of youth" stage into something more mature? _When will I reach understanding? _

That is all I truly want: _to understand. _


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

failoutboy said:


> From the tone of your posts, you sound like an unpleasant person to be around. You sound egotistical.


I am how I am. Perhaps I come across as "egotistical" or "unpleasant," although I do not mean to be.

I just want to be understood. I want to be liked for _me, _even if I am different. Is asking to be treated like a human being with feelings and thoughts and insecurities like everyone else too much to ask for?

How is my tone egotistical and how can I change it?


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Well it was a witty comeback, but it's probably better to ignore people in situations like that unless they spiral out of control.


----------



## cyanide444 (Oct 20, 2013)

I was kind of like that when I was sixteen (one year ago), but I was so inhibited that I never really said anything. People left me alone for the most part, unless they wanted some drugs.

Anyways, your response to him calling you a b**** was warranted just because that's an incredibly immature thing to say. It's not even clever or funny. But you may have come off as condescending in _his_ eyes. Most people see things through their perspective by default. I myself have been called outwardly intimidating as well, largely because I have an expressionless facial expression and rarely speak. I think that extroverts often misinterpret extreme introversion as condescension. I think this is very much related to the high school environment itself; it's largely geared towards people who adopt social hierarchies... Where I went to school before I got kicked out, there were several nuclear groups. And nearly every "nucleus" of every group (a few people who were the most outspoken) was constituted by immature a*******. That just seems to be high school, especially in the United States. Intelligence is not valued as much as conformity towards certain social norms. It's extraordinarily stupid.

I disagree that passivity implies conformity. I might nod my head and not confront anyone, but that doesn't mean I've taken up every norm of every of my peers. If someone expresses a view that I strongly disagree with, then I disagree with that view. There's always a context behind every situation. My SA -- not everyone's -- stems from strong inhibition and lack of confidence. I'll probably be going off on a tangent here, but insurgency often involves blending in with the general population. Insurgency in Cuba was the basis of the Cuban revolution, even though the poorer masses of Cuba by and large supported the revolutionary forces. I believe in the reverse of this; while insurgents in revolutions maintain a low profile during wartime, I believe that the low profile should be maintained when there is no direct engagement. No one is going to listen to an opinion that has no context -- especially in high school, where many adolescents are too immature to have developed the openness required to become receptive to opposing viewpoints.

With that said, I will admit that I have trouble expressing my internal thoughts. You were brave (in the context of SA) to have given that retort. People need to know that you are not to be f***** with. Again, I think that you did not do anything wrong there. You might be able to increase approachability by maintaining a passive disposition _*when you are not engaged in a contextual, non-neutral interaction*_.

Under this pretense, your response was entirely valid because a) He called you a b****. He might not have been intentionally hostile, but he was not neutral either. He was being an immature d*** and b) He engaged in conversation with you directly, even after that obviously non-neutral remark.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. I think that there is a strategy that I myself want to adopt; I want to maintain a passive disposition so I don't stand out, but I want to be able to confront people who are obviously challenging me in some way, either by formally arguing with me or by being immature a*******.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

KaitlynRose said:


> *...I do not mean to sound arrogant -- truly, I do not, I just really wish to know.*





KaitlynRose said:


> I am how I am. Perhaps I come across as "egotistical" or "unpleasant," although I do not mean to be.
> 
> I just want to be understood. I want to be liked for _me, _even if I am different. Is asking to be treated like a human being with feelings and thoughts and insecurities like everyone else too much to ask for?
> 
> *How is my tone egotistical and how can I change it?*


I think the reason people here might think you're arrogant is that you have an extensive vocabulary - which you use - and your posts sort of come across like old written prose a bit. It sort of gives off a slight psychopath vibe too (I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I know it usually would be seen that way but that's just a neutral statement.) You come across a bit detached here because you're not using emotive language. That might make some people feel uncomfortable, it's not entirely your fault though.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I'm not getting any of the negative vibes people are getting from the Original Poster.

She seems like a fairly normal SA sufferer to me.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I'm not getting any of the vibes people are getting from the Original Poster.
> 
> She seems like a fairly normal SA sufferer to me.


I feel I should say that op's posting style doesn't bother me at all, and I don't think she should change it. Just explaining what I think is going on with other people's comments.


----------



## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

Strong comeback. If a dude referred to me in that manner, I'd probably say something very similar to that.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I think the reason people here might think you're arrogant is that you have an extensive vocabulary - which you use - and your posts sort of come across like old written prose a bit. It sort of gives off a slight psychopath vibe too (I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I know it usually would be seen that way but that's just a neutral statement.) You come across a bit detached here because you're not using emotive language. That might make some people feel uncomfortable, it's not entirely your fault though.


As a child (and I briefly mentioned this in my post) I was raised differently; I was raised listening to classical music, and reading old literature like Sherlock Holmes in elementary school and so forth. It is due to this drastically different upbringing I have "old written prose". How I write is how I speak, as well as how I think. To change everything, even in the manner I think, would be... like me becoming a completely different person, really.

Ah, so I seem like a psychopath. Lovely. 

In truth I am a rather impassive person. I like hearing others opinions until I can reach my own, and I don't (try) to have a suggestive opinion on certain matters...

Is there a way I can seem more... "emotive" and not so detatched?


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

failoutboy said:


> Some suggestions:
> 
> -Don't talk about yourself so much. Don't talk about how goodlooking, smart, or talented you are. Don't talk about how big your vocabulary is or how high your IQ is.
> 
> -Show you care about other people's feelings more.


I was merely stating what others have said about me, explaining why (according to those I have spoken with) I seem intimidating. I was not agreeing with their statement, just mentioning it from a subjective point of view. Whether you think I have a "big vocabulary" or a "high IQ" is your opinion or how you perceived it because I do not think any of that. I merely see myself as a human being. As _me. _

Nevertheless, I have taken your words into account and I will try.


----------



## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

Persephone The Dread said:


> I think the reason people here might think you're arrogant is that you have an extensive vocabulary - which you use - and your posts sort of come across like old written prose a bit. It sort of gives off a slight psychopath vibe too (I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I know it usually would be seen that way but that's just a neutral statement.) You come across a bit detached here because you're not using emotive language. That might make some people feel uncomfortable, it's not entirely your fault though.


Hah, this! ^

OP, I also feel different from my peers in similar ways. The main difference I see is I lacked/lack the confidence you seem to have utilized or skillfully feigned.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

To be honest, your writing seems perfectly normal too :stu

I'm really not getting where a lot of these criticisms are coming from? Since when was literacy a sign of something odd?


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

KaitlynRose said:


> As a child (and I briefly mentioned this in my post) I was raised differently; I was raised listening to classical music, and reading old literature like Sherlock Holmes in elementary school and so forth. It is due to this drastically different upbringing I have "old written prose". How I write is how I speak, as well as how I think. To change everything, even in the manner I think, would be... like me becoming a completely different person, really.
> 
> Ah, so I seem like a psychopath. Lovely.
> 
> ...


It's difficult to get into, I don't really believe people should change the way they are for others people's benefit. I don't know what you're like in real life either, and I don't know why the people you know in real life are reacting to you the way they are.

The best way to connect with other people is to find something you can both relate to, but if there really is nothing there's not much you can do about that. High school won't last forever and maybe you can try and find people outside of school who you have more in common with to spend time with.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

failoutboy said:


> I'm not going to dissect all of your posts to explain how you sound egotistical, but here is a good example:
> 
> "My advanced vocabulary is quite daunting as well, and those I manage to converse with struggle to understand me. I find I "dumb myself down" to manage a somewhat intellectual conversation. I honestly cannot tell if I am at fault for having a higher mental prowess than those around me, or if I should pity my peers for being so dull."


If anything, that sounds like a touch of Asperger's rather than ego.

Damn, now I'm doing it too! :b


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

TicklemeRingo said:


> If anything, that sounds like a touch of Autism rather than ego.
> 
> Damn, now I'm doing it too! :b


Yeah, maybe I should have said autism as the example, it's more 'pc' and actually very similar symptomatically in many ways. But anyway doesn't matter at all, was just pointing out since op was wondering what others were talking about... I definitely wasn't trying to diagnose either, in case anyone thought I was. Clearly I'm not qualified to do that.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

I have some advice I'd like to pass on, because I can relate to a lot of what KaitlynRose is saying. But I'm off to sleep now so I'll come back later...


----------



## zraktor (Jan 27, 2013)

Such vim. I enjoy reading this thread. Thank you people.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I have some advice I'd like to pass on, because I can relate to a lot of what KaitlynRose is saying. But I'm off to sleep now so I'll come back later...


Advice of any kind -- when you have the time, of course -- would be fantastic.


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

KaitlynRose said:


> I want to learn. Can you teach me or provide the answers I cannot find?
> 
> How does one learn humility? And what exactly is happiness? At what time will I transition between this "arrogance of youth" stage into something more mature? _When will I reach understanding? _
> 
> That is all I truly want: _to understand. _


I don't know, it wasn't really an epiphany or anything. It's just over the years as my personal ideologies have developed and grown/changed from experience, I've come to feel nothing is unique, special, or absolute. I said in another thread, outside of math and hard sciences, there are few objective truths in existence, at least as far as has been observed to date.

After reading up some on the matter it seems I've come into a nihilistic despair. It's not happiness, you probably should avoid it if you can.

K I guess that wasn't helpful at all sorry. If you have the confidence to stand by your pride and the luck to encounter people in your life who think like you, good on you. I wasn't lucky but it was plenty my fault too.


----------



## MuckyMuck (Oct 15, 2013)

I enjoyed reading those posts. 
You're different, maybe by having an above average intelligence or very good vocabulary, they're two separate aspects by the way. In any case, being different is a wonderful thing in this world of the mundane sameness grey. Whatever you do dont compromise who you are for the approval of others. Be yourself, the most cliche of all advice but its relevant here, ok you might not make many friends or get to do all the things that 'normal' people do but would you want to anyway?
Its a tougher road this way but like you said, better to just be you and make true friends than compromising yourself to live a life of pretension and falseness.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

cyanide444 said:


> Where I went to school before I got kicked out, there were several nuclear groups. And nearly every "nucleus" of every group (a few people who were the most outspoken) was constituted by immature a*******.
> 
> I disagree that passivity implies conformity.
> 
> ...


Do not apologize, and your post was not rambling -- it was perfect. c:

Describing the High School "cliques" as a nucleus is pure geniality. Truly, I understand your explaination, as well as your insurgency in Cuba example.

To simply fade without agreeing or disagreeing -- without _commiting _to anything, while also having the courage to stand up for yourself; such a situation sounds ideal. I, too, will try to adopt such a disposition so I do not stand out.

Thank you very much for your post. It was insightful.

- Kaitlyn Rose


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

PatheticGuy said:


> I don't know, it wasn't really an epiphany or anything. It's just over the years as my personal ideologies have developed and grown/changed from experience, I've come to feel nothing is unique, special, or absolute. I said in another thread, outside of math and hard sciences, there are few objective truths in existence, at least as far as has been observed to date.
> 
> After reading up some on the matter it seems I've come into a nihilistic despair. It's not happiness, you probably should avoid it if you can.
> 
> K I guess that wasn't helpful at all sorry. If you have the confidence to stand by your pride and the luck to encounter people in your life who think like you, good on you. I wasn't lucky but it was plenty my fault too.


That seems so... sad, though. If nothing is unique or special then the world is filled with dull shades of grey. Is a nihilistic despair a more complex existential crisis? How does one avoid nihilistic despair? By not contemplating the workings of the universe too extensively?

You do not have to apologize, and do not blame yourself. You have your opinions, and other people have theirs. Even if people do not think like you, that does not mean you are the one at fault; it is partly theirs for not trying to understand.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

failoutboy said:


> I'm not going to dissect all of your posts to explain how you sound egotistical, but here is a good example:
> 
> "My advanced vocabulary is quite daunting as well, and those I manage to converse with struggle to understand me. I find I "dumb myself down" to manage a somewhat intellectual conversation. I honestly cannot tell if I am at fault for having a higher mental prowess than those around me, or if I should pity my peers for being so dull."


Ah, I see how that could have seemed egotistical. Thank you for pointing that out.

Touché, young sir/madame. Touché.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

MuckyMuck said:


> I enjoyed reading these posts.
> 
> You're different, maybe by having an above average intelligence or very good vocabulary, they're two separate aspects by the way. In any case, being different is a wonderful thing in this world of the mundane sameness grey. Whatever you do dont compromise who you are for the approval of others. Be yourself, the most cliche of all advice but its relevant here, ok you might not make many friends or get to do all the things that 'normal' people do but would you want to anyway?
> 
> Its a tougher road this way but like you said, better to just be you and make true friends than compromising yourself to live a life of pretension and falseness.


I will not compromise who I am for the sake of approval from others, and I will stay true to who I am until I can find others to accept me.

Thank you for your advice and for understanding. c:

- Kaitlyn Rose


----------



## PatheticGuy (Sep 2, 2013)

KaitlynRose said:


> That seems so... sad, though. If nothing is unique or special then the world is filled with dull shades of grey. Is a nihilistic despair a more complex existential crisis? How does one avoid nihilistic despair? By not contemplating the workings of the universe too extensively?
> 
> You do not have to apologize, and do not blame yourself. You have your opinions, and other people have theirs. Even if people do not think like you, that does not mean you are the one at fault; it is partly theirs for not trying to understand.


It is sad. I can't say exactly how I came to this, maybe I was a bit predisposed but also have a conflict by having always been a bit of a romantic, liking mystical thoughts, thinking of grand patterns and meanings to things in the universe.

I think learning the actual math to physics and other science was a big factor in it, it took the mystery and magic out of things, destroyed unsubstantiated beliefs I held before I knew they weren't possible, leaving what seemed an amazing power to know how things were but a sadness at how plain it seemed.

I'll think more of it, and if you're still around/care any more I'll post it so the young can avoid it.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

PatheticGuy said:


> It is sad. I can't say exactly how I came to this, maybe I was a bit predisposed but also have a conflict by having always been a bit of a romantic, liking mystical thoughts, thinking of grand patterns and meanings to things in the universe.
> 
> I think learning the actual math to physics and other science was a big factor in it, it took the mystery and magic out of things, destroyed unsubstantiated beliefs I held before I knew they weren't possible, leaving what seemed an amazing power to know how things were but a sadness at how plain it seemed.
> 
> I'll think more of it, and if you're still around/care any more I'll post it so the young can avoid it.


The whimsical sense of romanticism crushed by the harsh hand of science and mathmatics. This knowledge seems quite... deep if it has enough power to do that.

Nevertheless, my curiosity is getting the better of me. This concept of yours sounds very intriguing, and I wish to know this life-altering information, even if it does "take the magic out" of life. I will be here to listen to (err... read?) your post when ever you are ready. c:


----------



## russianruby (Jan 29, 2013)

I wouldn't have said anything, but if I were in a parallel universe where I was not affected by social anxiety, I would have released my anger and beat the living **** out of him. Once you grow up and look back at whatever happened here, you will think little of it, so I think you should forgive and forget about whatever is happening right now, and focus on things that actually deserve your attention, because high school problems are the most overrated problems. Since you happen to be considered "pretty" you will actually encounter people, especially men, looking at you a lot in life, so learn how to deal with public situations while you can. I will now go to sleep seeing as my thumb has started twitching again...


----------



## somesortof (Dec 28, 2012)

KaitlynRose said:


> Indeed, I could have helped that boy, just as I could gain "friends" by pretending to be someone I am not, but would forging a companionship over false pretenses really be satisfying? In otherwords, would I truly feel happy if I made "fake friends"?
> 
> A person can only truly be considered an enemy if they are a worthy adversary. That boy is not. Perhaps he does hate me after what I had said, or maybe he was surprised I stood up for myself, or maybe he felt embarassed that I had heard his little comment, or maybe a mix of all three -- it does not matter. I stayed true to who I am. I remained an individual.
> 
> ...


that's why i said ''if you really want to''.
I for one, did it to make my life easier, you have the oppotunity to become part of them cause as you said, you are smart and goodlooking, but if it doesn't bother you for them to call you stuff like ''princess *****'' or just dislike you for that matter then i see no other reason for you to do it, cause most of them, they are not worth it.
If you do it you should do it only to make your time there more tolerable.

whatever friendship you might do, my opinion is that majority of the persons will indeed be fake as you said, it could be fun for the time being, but definitely not something to hold on for long.


----------



## AFoundLady (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi KaitlynRose. Based on the way you write, I get this perception that you are an intelligent and mature individual. I find the term "princess *****" rather hysterical. The person who devised that is a genius(Pun intended). Now, you resonate like a unique and superlative person.

I admire that quality in you, and you have a magnificent aptitude in writing. From what you wrote, I can extrapolate that you are perceived imprecisely by your peers. They have this superficial notion that you are "arrogant" and "conceited" just based on the sole fact that you do not confabulate much with them because your stance on certain perceptions differs from them. 

They seem to be the arrogant ones for judging you for whatever reasons. I go through the same thing that you do. There is nothing wrong with you. It is okay to be the way you are. I go through the same thing that you do, people assume that I am too arrogant and whatever. Just ignore your foolish peers. I would have typed more but I need to go! Anyways, keep your head up and don't stop being you. Bye girl.


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

I didn't read through every post in this thread, but I have a few thoughts.

Ignoring all the other possible disorders you might have, the fact is that you have SAD.
Now, considering your age too, could it be possible that this "appearance of an intellectual" that you seem to cling to, could just be that: an appearance, a charade, a way to compensate?

SAD inhibiting you from "naturally" fitting in with your peers, you might've subconsciously developed a sense of "well, I'm better than them anyway". And that "better" would be having an "intimidating" vocabulary, preferring reading to partying, having stunning looks... basically being different from the norm set by your surroundings.

And clinging on to those aspects in the name of individuality, is really not fruitful. Being able to adapt to different social situations does not compromise your individuality. 
Individuality might not even be the right word for this situation, as you seem to desire to be "different from everyone else". And from what I've read now, you seem to have been successful at creating an image of such for yourself.

Are you protecting that image at the expense of real personal development? Not hiding behind anything and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is key when it comes to dealing with SA.
Not trying to be above or beneath the peers, but being on the same level. At the level that brings the most risks with it.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Amphoteric said:


> Being able to adapt to different social situations does not compromise your individuality.


I agree. It's social competence. I liked your whole post, by the way(I was thinking the same thing).


----------



## ForgettableDoll (Apr 7, 2013)

According to societal norms, one can not be attractive and shy/quiet/ or socially inept in anyway.


----------



## vanilla90 (Jun 22, 2010)

Sometimes it's good to have some flow to your personality, to be able to tweak it based on the situation. That might be needed here. I'm not saying conform to others, but at the end of the day you're a human being, like every single other person you've mentioned in your post. No matter how much more intelligent you are compared to people, you have to appreciate other people just for simply existing. 

Because conscious life is a wonderful gift, even with the horrors in the world, and people have the right to live it the way they want. The beauty of life is that from the smartest individual to the youngest alive, no one knows why we exist and everyone is in the same boat. One day, try to think of human life as something abstract and weird, because then you truly appreciate the diversity in culture and personality.


----------



## james10203 (May 28, 2013)

You shouldn't worry. You are fine. It's good that you know your personality and you know what you definitely do and don't like. I still don't know what I want from my life. The problem you have simply boils down to the fact that you are clearly far more superior to your classmates with regards to maturity and intellect. So you feel like you don't fit in. 

In a way you remind me of myself when I was your age. People made immature jokes that the whole class found hilarious but I just thought were stupid. I hardly ever said a word in school, just focused on my studies. Now I am at University, I am friends with people who I feel are on my level. I feel that I am in a place where I belong. 

You possess many of the qualities required to be successful in life. Being good looking gets you very far, you are very fortunate. In a few months time you will have guys chasing after you and falling all over you (if you don't have already). Do you have a boyfriend? I think that guy may have secretly had a crush on you and was trying to get your attention. 

As others have said though, it's not degrading to 'bring yourself to their level', so to speak. Sometimes it's the sensible thing to do.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Yeah, I thought I was hot s*** when I was 16 too. You realize how wrong you are once your frontal lobe becomes fully developed.


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

Amphoteric said:


> I didn't read through every post in this thread, but I have a few thoughts.
> 
> Ignoring all the other possible disorders you might have, the fact is that you have SAD.
> Now, considering your age too, could it be possible that this "appearance of an intellectual" that you seem to cling to, could just be that: an appearance, a charade, a way to compensate?
> ...


Pretty much spot on.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

Amphoteric said:


> I didn't read through every post in this thread, but I have a few thoughts.
> 
> Ignoring all the other possible disorders you might have, the fact is that you have SAD.
> Now, considering your age too, could it be possible that this "appearance of an intellectual" that you seem to cling to, could just be that: an appearance, a charade, a way to compensate?
> ...


Perhaps my personality was originally a facade I created, a defensive mechanism to intimidate others into avoidance because of my SA. Perhaps I have "pretended" to be this persona for so long it eventually became a part of who I am. The reason does not really matter; this is who I am now, and who I will continue to be. I do not think I could change, even if I really wanted to.

I have noticed in different social situations my friends completely change, sometimes into a person completely unrecognizable. The people who surround me have so many masks it is nearly impossible to tell who they really are -- I doubt they themselves know who they truly are. I am myself and only myself, despite the social situation. I will never give into social pressures, do anything against my morals, or act as someone I am not for the sake of acceptance. If anything I think I am moreso an individual than those around me because I am always one person -- I am always _me. _

I do not think I am hiding behind a mask -- not entirely, anyway. I do not lie, and I will answer any question honestly (if not bluntly), no matter how personal. Is that not vulnurability? Perhaps I am not as emotional as the average woman, but that does not mean I am completely cut off. I just see the world as it is: not black or white or even grey; the world is simply there for me to observe, nothing more. Does simply observing the world around me really make me above or below my peers? Does being more emotionally detatched compared to others (especially women, the more emotional of the two genders) make me any less of a human being?


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

james10203 said:


> You shouldn't worry. You are fine. It's good that you know your personality and you know what you definitely do and don't like. I still don't know what I want from my life. The problem you have simply boils down to the fact that you are clearly far more superior to your classmates with regards to maturity and intellect. So you feel like you don't fit in.
> 
> In a way you remind me of myself when I was your age. People made immature jokes that the whole class found hilarious but I just thought were stupid. I hardly ever said a word in school, just focused on my studies. Now I am at University, I am friends with people who I feel are on my level. I feel that I am in a place where I belong.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your post, James. Thank you also for understanding and for relating to my situation.

Is giving up this notion of superiority (at least, superior compared to my peers) for the sake of acceptance worth it? I can accept others just fine, but only if that person is being themself; I refuse to accept a facade because it is just that: It is not real. I also cannot laugh at something completely immature. Perhaps I will smile a little if it is amusing, but not if it is idiotic. I cannot wait for University. I am hoping to graduate early (I am taking a few Senior-level classes and may have the credentials to graduate as a Junior) so I can have a head-start on my college career path. I have thirteen years of schooling ahead of me and I would like to start as soon as possible. How is University overall? Any advice for someone completely ignorant of the "real world"? The thought of possibly leaving home and living in a dorm with complete strangers is frightening.

Thank you. A successful life is all I could ask for. I doubt I will ever be comfortable enough with someone to marry (because of my SA), and I am not comfortable with the thought of having kids (with my chosen profession I would never have time, and the idea of sex or bearing children or commitment in general scares me) so a secure job is all I want at the moment. No, I do not have a boyfriend. I have had a few suitors "ask me out" but I have declined their requests. I made a promise with my parents not to date before I turn eighteen (I had to sign a contract and everything), and I make it a point not to break any promise I make. Most of the boys at my school are quite immature as well, and seeing as medical school will not pay for itself, I would be better off focusing on my studies. Besides, I do not think I am dating material anyway. My idea of a perfect date is playing at Chuck-E-Cheeses or laser tagging at Main Event, haha.

How do I bring myself down to ones level? I do not think my mentality (perhaps it is maturity, maybe pride; I do not know) will allow me to do that, and I am honestly not sure how to do it. Any advice?


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Yeah, I thought I was hot s*** when I was 16 too. You realize how wrong you are once your frontal lobe becomes fully developed.


As an aspiring neurosurgeon I can assure you, sir, my frontal lobe is plenty developed. Perhaps my emotional sectors may be a bit (if not considerably) faulty, and perhaps my frontal lobe is not developed compared to an adult, but that only provides more potential for me grow in the future.

Is my outlook or perception incorrect? Please, do explain. I wish to see through your eyes. What is it that you see through your more developed frontal and occipital lobe? What is it that I am not seeing through my own?


----------



## elle3 (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi Kaitlyn, I read your post yesterday but I did not have time to reply. I just saw it again. I do not find anything wrong with your writing. However, I can see how some of your peers could perceive you as arrogant or egotistical. Take the two quoted posts below (which have already been pointed out). 



KaitlynRose said:


> My advanced vocabulary is quite daunting as well, and those I manage to converse with struggle to understand me. I find I "dumb myself down" to manage a somewhat intellectual conversation. *I honestly cannot tell if I am at fault for having a higher mental prowess than those around me, or if I should pity my peers for being so dull*.


 


KaitlynRose said:


> I was merely stating what others have said about me, explaining why (according to those I have spoken with) I seem intimidating. I was not agreeing with their statement, just mentioning it from a subjective point of view. *Whether you think I have a "big vocabulary" or a "high IQ" is your opinion or how you perceived it because I do not think any of that. I merely see myself as a human being. As me. *


I understand what you are saying, but by determining your peers are "dull" is similar to them perceiving you as arrogant or intimidating. Everyone is different and everyone is raised differently. You probably do stand out but you can only reasonably expect others to like you for who you are if you are able to do the same for others. 
When I was a senior two of my friends said I had a "huge" vocabulary and cited words such as "enormous" as advanced. I was shocked. I was also perceived as arrogant upon first impression and by those who did not know me. For me, it was social anxiety that inhibited talking to unfamiliar people and taking part in group discussions. I would be surprised if a hand full of your peers actually knew what social anxiety is. I thought your response to the boy in class was funny but it could reinforce perceptions that you are arrogant/standoffish. I mean, how often does a shy person execute such a strong comeback. 

 
Finally, for the reason I decided to post...



KaitlynRose said:


> I have noticed in different social situations my friends completely change, sometimes into a person completely unrecognizable. The people who surround me have so many masks it is nearly impossible to tell who they really are -- *I doubt they themselves know who they truly are. *I am myself and only myself, despite the social situation. I will never give into social pressures, do anything against my morals, or act as someone I am not for the sake of acceptance. *If anything I think I am moreso an individual than those around me because I am always one person -- I am always *_*me. *_


Adapting to different situations does not always mean changing who you are. People act differently in formal and informal social settings without changing aspects of their personality or self. There are people who seem to change completely but that is not always the case. Do not mistake social adaption as a lack of self-concept. If you do not show interest in people, it is unlikely people will take the time to get to know you. If you are shy or quiet, there's nothing to go off of, most people will form their own perceptions without all the pieces. You may not find a group of peers that share your interests until college and I hope you will be able to find them.


----------



## CharmedOne (Jun 1, 2013)

I'm still trying to figure out why the word "Bride" got asterisked out. ?


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

It was indeed the "B-word" -- and no, I do not mean "Bride". Thinking it was though was rather amusing. It made me giggle, if only a little. c:


----------



## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

KaitlynRose said:


> What is it that you see through your more developed frontal and occipital lobe? What is it that I am not seeing through my own?












Your own arrogance. You come here complaining about people not liking you because you believe your own narcissistic delusion that you are better than everyone else. You believe you're a super genius and that people drop everything to gaze at your supposedly amazing beauty and superior intellect.

You are still a child. No matter what you believe, you are not fully mentally developed and you know nothing of the real world.

Like what a previous poster said, you are creating this delusion of superiority in your own head to make up for and suppress the feelings of insecurity that SA causes you. You are afraid to feel weak or appear weak in anyway, which suggests a possible underlying personality disorder.

This whole b****y attitude that you portray is fake and you know it. You're not as strong as you believe and I can easily see right through people like you. It's a defensive wall that you erect to protect yourself emotionally. It's going to have the opposite effect that you intend, trust me.


----------



## james10203 (May 28, 2013)

KaitlynRose said:


> Is giving up this notion of superiority (at least, superior compared to my peers) for the sake of acceptance worth it?


Well only you can answer that, because only you can judge your situation most accurately. Ask yourself: "Why do I want to give up this notion? What do I hope to achieve by doing so?". If you just want to feel more 'accepted' by your classmates, then you have no choice but to force yourself into interacting with them more. It's the only way. But obviously this is easier said than done if you have SA - hence why most of us are here. Again, the way your interact with your classmates will depend on the situation you are in, there is no real textbook answer to this. All I can say is Google things like 'how to have good conversations' or maybe in your case 'how to interact with idiots'.



KaitlynRose said:


> I cannot wait for University. I am hoping to graduate early (I am taking a few Senior-level classes and may have the credentials to graduate as a Junior) so I can have a head-start on my college career path. I have thirteen years of schooling ahead of me and I would like to start as soon as possible. How is University overall? Any advice for someone completely ignorant of the "real world"? The thought of possibly leaving home and living in a dorm with complete strangers is frightening.


Your IQ must be Sheldon Cooper level, but if you are as serious as you say about pursuing your interests then obviously this is the right path for you. University is completely different to school, where I study they give you a lecture, which is basically the lecturer saying "Hey everybody! Information!" then you go and learn what you have been shown in your free time to get a better understanding. Obviously there is much more to it all than just that but that is pretty much the gist of the academic side of it.

Don't worry about being with strangers, they won't be strangers for long. Because everybody is in the same boat everyone is practically forced into interacting with each other. You immediately make friends, I have two groups of friends: my course mates and my dorm mates.



KaitlynRose said:


> My idea of a perfect date is playing at Chuck-E-Cheeses or laser tagging at Main Event, haha.


Well at least that's something to show you are a little bit 'normal' :b. It shows you are still young at heart.



KaitlynRose said:


> How do I bring myself down to ones level? I do not think my mentality (perhaps it is maturity, maybe pride; I do not know) will allow me to do that, and I am honestly not sure how to do it. Any advice?


Easiest way to start is by having basic conversations, even if it's with people you aren't particularly interested in. Just small talk like "How did you find the homework?" will make you appear less 'snobbish'. You could start by just interacting more with one of your friends friends? So if you start to get shy your friend is there to support you.

But also take on board the advice other people have given. You are fortunate enough to have received a large number of responses; my personal advice might be different to the majority.

Hope I helped


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Your own arrogance. You come here complaining about people not liking you because you believe your own narcissistic delusion that you are better than everyone else. You believe you're a super genius and that people drop everything to gaze at your supposedly amazing beauty and superior intellect.
> 
> You are still a child. No matter what you believe, you are not fully mentally developed and you know nothing of the real world.
> 
> ...


Indeed I am still a child; I know this and I do not recall ever claiming otherwise. I have openly admitted I know nothing of the real world. In fact, I stated it quite clearly a few posts back:



KaitlynRose said:


> Any advice for someone completely ignorant of the "real world"?


High School is often referred to as a "snake pit of hell". Of course a person would be afraid to appear weak; weakness of any kind is preyed upon. Why else do people change into a completely different person than for the sake of being socially accepted? I do not see creating a defensive wall around myself as what you perceive as a "personality disorder". I merely see it as a form of adaptation, nothing more.

No human being is as strong as they think they are; not you or me or anyone else, and I think everyone has their own protective walls. However, I do not recall ever creating one here. There is no need for me to portray myself with a "*****y attitude" (and even if I had, why would I choose _that _persona over anything else?), as I am on the Internet and I have nothing to hide. I have merely been dissecting the facts and opinions I have been given, then piecing them together to form my own conclusion. Is that not how one pursues knowledge?

I honestly do not understand why you seem so irked by me. Is it because of my age? My mentality? I do not recall ever being anything but honest or open to other's opinions (I have welcomed it, if anything), and I am just as open to hear yours as well. Despite being _a_ _child _I am not going to throw a tantrum. I am mature enough to handle your opinion of my supposed arrogance and superiority, but only if they are based on logic or fact. Perhaps I am too _arrogant _to see these "facts" of yours (aside from what previous posters have pointed out, which I have already acknowledged), but I do not see them nevertheless. It is unfortunate to say I will not accept your opinion unless there is a logical basis or deduction behind them. I also will not accept being insulted for the sake of a man's inflated ego; no human being deserves that, not even a child.



RelinquishedHell said:


> You are still a child. No matter what you believe, you are not fully mentally developed and you know nothing of the real world.
> 
> It's a defensive wall that you erect to protect yourself emotionally. It's going to have the opposite effect that you intend, trust me.


Explain this "real world" to me, if you please. I would also like to know about this "opposite effect" I intend.


----------



## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

TicklemeRingo said:


> I'm not getting any of the negative vibes people are getting from the Original Poster.
> 
> She seems like a fairly normal SA sufferer to me.


Same here. This is also a common SA problem, where we appear cold and stuck up to others because the anxiety isn't shown on our face. That's the main point of the post, but for some reason some people are more focused on her comeback, which IMO was warranted. Maybe he found it funny?


----------



## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Don't worry about it 
Just be happy ,friendly ,kind ,helpful, confident ,
Ignore all bad ( but stick up for yourself when absolutely needed , let little thing go eg small comments ) 
Give the d*** the answer what does it matter any way he'll never succeed without doing the work . 
Never talk bad about anyone , never talk down to any one , never say anything about anyone except good things 
What happens at school will not matter later in life that's where you will shine


----------



## TheSpriter1 (Jan 7, 2014)

RelinquishedHell said:


> Your own arrogance. You come here complaining about people not liking you because you believe your own narcissistic delusion that you are better than everyone else. You believe you're a super genius and that people drop everything to gaze at your supposedly amazing beauty and superior intellect. You are still a child. No matter what you believe, you are not fully mentally developed and you know nothing of the real world. Like what a previous poster said, you are creating this delusion of superiority in your own head to make up for and suppress the feelings of insecurity that SA causes you. You are afraid to feel weak or appear weak in anyway, which suggests a possible underlying personality disorder. This whole b****y attitude that you portray is fake and you know it. You're not as strong as you believe and I can easily see right through people like you. It's a defensive wall that you erect to protect yourself emotionally. It's going to have the opposite effect that you intend, trust me.


 I agree with all of this. OP sounds like s/he is trying way too hard to seem "intelligent", when his or her own insecurities are apparent.


----------



## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

KaitlynRose said:


> Perhaps my personality was originally a facade I created, a defensive mechanism to intimidate others into avoidance because of my SA. Perhaps I have "pretended" to be this persona for so long it eventually became a part of who I am. The reason does not really matter; this is who I am now, and who I will continue to be. I do not think I could change, even if I really wanted to.
> 
> I have noticed in different social situations my friends completely change, sometimes into a person completely unrecognizable. The people who surround me have so many masks it is nearly impossible to tell who they really are -- I doubt they themselves know who they truly are. I am myself and only myself, despite the social situation. I will never give into social pressures, do anything against my morals, or act as someone I am not for the sake of acceptance. If anything I think I am moreso an individual than those around me because I am always one person -- I am always _me. _
> 
> I do not think I am hiding behind a mask -- not entirely, anyway. I do not lie, and I will answer any question honestly (if not bluntly), no matter how personal. Is that not vulnurability? Perhaps I am not as emotional as the average woman, but that does not mean I am completely cut off. I just see the world as it is: not black or white or even grey; the world is simply there for me to observe, nothing more. Does simply observing the world around me really make me above or below my peers? Does being more emotionally detatched compared to others (especially women, the more emotional of the two genders) make me any less of a human being?


I thought you originally made this thread to seek some sort of help when it comes to social situations and how people perceive you.
But now it seems like just a manifestation of your own superiority, without any interest in self-development.

You are not the first person to defend their own defense mechanisms. It'd be more uncommon for a person to say "well yes, let's get this thing fixed" than to "_The reason does not really matter; this is who I am now, and who I will continue to be._"

A mask does not require the person wearing it to lie. If you have completely detached yourself, then of course it is easier to answer any sort of question with the answer you think of first.

The fact is that human life is not about observing, it's about engaging. Indeed if you detach yourself and assume the role of an observer, it's easy to get delusional about your own grandeur. And being an "observant" is no way to actually learn about human behaviour or to deal with your SAD.

Real vulnerability is about opening your mind for the possibility of relating to and learning from your peers.
"_I am myself and only myself, despite the social situation._"
The thing is, you are not yourself. You are whatever your defense mechanisms have dictated you to be... This superior observer with great intellect, pure morals and divine looks. Are you the entity many religions falsely assume lives up in heaven?

Have other women especially caused you distress and the desire to separate yourself from your gender and peers? Because on two occasions in your post you refer to women and their emotionalism.. and make it necessary to point out that you are *not* emotional like other women.

You are still very young. Even though you have assumed the role of a prodigal teenager, you too will change as the years pass; but only if you allow yourself to really start experiencing the world around you. Engaging in it on a true level, and facing your fears instead of keeping lulling yourself into believing that your defense mechanisms equal your true identity and personality.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

Amphoteric said:


> I thought you originally made this thread to seek some sort of help when it comes to social situations and how people perceive you.
> But now it seems like just a manifestation of your own superiority, without any interest in self-development.
> 
> You are not the first person to defend their own defense mechanisms. It'd be more uncommon for a person to say "well yes, let's get this thing fixed" than to "_The reason does not really matter; this is who I am now, and who I will continue to be._"
> ...


Indeed, I am seeking help and I am yearning for self-development. I seek enlightenment, for some sort of epiphany to point me in the right direction in life, an answer to better understand those around me. Is self-development not observing others to reach an understanding? A way to truly tap into the soul? There are certain aspects specific human beings loath to their very core (rape or child abuse, for example); I see this intense emotional response as a key component to aquiring not only individiality, but understanding the rawest portion of ones self. By observing others and creating my own opinions based on their actions or thoughts, I feel I am concluding what I like and dislike as well; in nature, in myself, and in the world. Are my methods incorrect?

Merely observing others is a way to understand human beings in their natural element. Adding myself into the equation would be similar to creating faulty results in an experiment. Wouldn't I be manipulating other's behavior if I was more involved with those around me? If I related to others, sympathized with them, would I truly understand them more, or would that be the same as being subjective?

Am I a reincarnation of some Goddess? Hardly. Divine entities are viewed as being unopinionated, judging all creatures as equals. I have my own opinions and emotions, even if said emotions are not as intense as most human beings. I am not worthy to be such a being. If I were a God I would be an ignorant one and only the foolish would worship me.

Yes, women have caused me a desire to separate myself from them. Women (or at least, the ones dominantly in my life and the ones I have met) are emotional and clingy to the point of seeming unstable. That statement may be an exaggeration; what I consider "emotional" may be normal to someone else, but I think this nonetheless. Women act on their emotions instead of thinking through a situation before making a decision or formulating a reaction. Due to higher Testosterone levels, men are just as impulsive. Many men treat women as objects as well, and women accept this behavior because they are desperate for love and security, no matter how false (I know this does not pertain to all people, but this is an aspect I have noted). I do not wish to be treated as a woman, nor as a man. I do not want to be treated as a child or an adult, either. I want to be seen as nothing more than an intellectual; a being with a mind and a conscious. I do not wish to be judged by my physical traits or gender because appearances are just that: an outer shell. One cannot truly know what goes on inside unless they look deeper, understanding how one thinks and why. Perhaps this philosophy of being nothing (not a gender or an age) may seem "diety-like". Perhaps thinking such a way makes me slightly Autistic or different from the average human, especially at such a young age (which, as I stated before, is something I do not want to be given different treatment for), but this is who -- or _what_ I should say, as I am not "myself" because I am detatched from my surroundings -- I am. Hopefully that explaination was put somewhat adequately, as I do not completely understand it myself. This is just a means of existence I have concluded, and one I am satisfied with at this point of time simply because I cannot recall knowing anything else.

I am not certain how to face my fears, or if I have any fears at all (or at least, any fears that are actually rational). I know I have emotions, but it is difficult to tell when I am experiencing them. I have ignored them for so long I can hardly pinpoint exactly what I am feeling anymore, if anything at all. How can I face my fears if I do not know what they are? And how can I experience the world around me if I only respond to stimulus that I either really like or dislike?


----------



## TheObserver (Jan 15, 2014)

Just a warning: went through most posts, but not all. There is a lot of information here to digest and respond to.

As I go through your posts and questions, Kaitlyn, it really seems as though you do want help with this. I just don't think you can get it from others. I can relate to some of the things you're feeling. I feel as though I'm "enlightened" by knowledge, or by at least knowing it isn't possible to know everything.

I've felt the same way as you did going through parts of school. I always had an answer for everything, but I didn't know I came off as arrogant. I didn't know I was perceived this way until a similar situation with some girls that had sat in front of me during a class. I was shocked to find this out. After the incident, I tried to be interested in what others were discussing while trying not to come across as an expert in the subject at hand. I've also helped others with their interests, no matter how dull or dumb it may seem to me. It's their interest, and they want others to be interested to. As little as I have to offer in this tiny post compared to others, I hope it helps in any way.

Although I would probably too intimidated to strike up any conversation, I would've loved to have gone to school with someone like you.


----------



## Donnie in the Dark (Mar 15, 2011)

Place nicely everyone...... people who have been members of the forum for a while should know how to behave, especially when "welcoming" a new member. 

Hi Kaitlyn, hope you find some things of interest and use on the site.


----------



## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Donnie in the Dark said:


> Place nicely everyone...... people who have been members of the forum for a while should know how to behave, especially when "welcoming" a new member.
> 
> Hi Kaitlyn, hope you find some things of interest and use on the site.


Agreed.

Kaitlyn, I haven't forgotten I said I would add a bunch of things to this thread. I've been busy. Might get to it later tonight.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Agreed.
> 
> Kaitlyn, I haven't forgotten I said I would add a bunch of things to this thread. I've been busy. Might get to it later tonight.


I understand. Feel free to post when you have the time, and thank you for not forgetting.


----------



## DonnaDunno (Nov 15, 2013)

I WISH I had been like that at 16. I really like this girl.



failoutboy said:


> ^I wonder if I was like that when I was 16...


----------



## Unnecessary (Nov 16, 2013)

You have an eerily resemblance to my younger self (12-14). Reading your posts was like reading the stuff I used to write at that age.

Well, first of all: welcome to the forum. I hope you have a nice time here and can find help and help others who share your condition.

Regarding the first post: That's a really sad situation, I went through something similar during high school and it makes you feel as an outcast who doesn't belong in the world, so I understand how you may feel by that.
It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, and I loved your witty reply.

Regarding the various topics that came from the first post: I agree with everything Amphoteric said. Especially because -as I loosely stated before- I went through almost the exact same thing when I was younger.

(Here I'm going to talk mostly about writing, so please don't take this as some sort of personal attack or anything, it's not my intention at all. Take it as 'constructive criticism', if you will.)
The sense of superiority that many people perceive from your post comes from your writing. There's a difference between having an extensive vocabulary and showing it off as much as you can. Even if you don't do it on purpose, the reader gets an egotistical impression from the use of unneeded recherché. I didn't mind it that much (except for a few specific lines), but I can see how some people might interpret it.
Vaguely quoting one of my favourite authors: "Baroque writing imposes itself between what's written and the one who reads. And on the other hand, baroquism is a sin of vanity: it seems like the baroque writer was asking for admiration."
You should remember that language is a tool for communication, not a showcase for intellect.

Also, in your first post you brought up a lot of times how superior you were to your peers and how they acknowledged that in some way, so there is that.

The other thing about your writing is that you meander a lot through different topics but never make an accurate statement of what you're trying to express about those certain topics.

I'll take the last reply you made to Amphoteric, for example.

I went through that whole surplusage verbiage (sorry, but in my opinion you could've said the exact same thing I got from your post in a few paragraphs) and still am not sure of what you were trying to get across. Most of it consists of rhetoric questions that only you have the answer to.
I can see how this type of post could fit into a blog (from what I read you have one), it would be an interesting, quite nice read; but in a support forum it just seems unnecessary and devoid of any actual point.

Are you trying to understand yourself? Others? The 'real world'? All of the above?



> Am I a reincarnation of some Goddess? Hardly. Divine entities are viewed as being unopinionated, judging all creatures as equals. I have my own opinions and emotions, even if said emotions are not as intense as most human beings. I am not worthy to be such a being. If I were a God I would be an ignorant one and only the foolish would worship me.


Actually there are plenty of gods who are imperfect and opinionated. They're all based in humans, after all.

What do you mean by "adding [yourself] to the equation?"? You know you're also human (with all the ups and downs that come with being one), right? What are you trying to learn about humans?

And this leads to another thing:



> Wouldn't I be manipulating other's behavior if I was more involved with those around me? If I related to others, sympathized with them, would I truly understand them more, or would that be the same as being subjective?


Are you sure you have social anxiety? Or are you just apathetic to most people and don't enjoy social interactions (which would be completely normal)? Maybe your anxiety isn't as severe as mine, but I wouldn't talk about relating with other people as if it was such an easy feat, just a thing of 'if I want I can do it anytime'.

From your last paragraphs I can only say that, in my humble opinion, you have a very black-and-white perspective of other human beings. The way you described men and women is way too oversimplified and shallow, it's like if you took some basic distinction of genders you watched on T.V. and then stereotyped it even more. I knew some genderqueers who weren't as dichotomous when talking about the general aspects of men and women.

I know this was a response to a post from another user who asked some questions and was also a response to another post which was also a response, and I skipped quite a few posts in this thread, so I may be taking things out of context or asking things that you extensively explained before, but I'm not aware of it. If it isn't much trouble I hope you could answer me so I can have a better grasp of what you're asking and maybe try to help.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

Thank you for the welcome.

You mentioned I remind you of your younger self. Are you pertaining to the way I write and think, or the type questions I am asking?

Constructive criticism of any kind is always appreciated. I honestly do not mean to "showcase" my writing. The amount of words in the English Dictionary is extensive; it is possible to find one that can portray a very specific meaning. I search for these words and use them (as a tool to aide understanding, not to flaunt). I can see how doing so can be interpreted as vanity, but I do not seek praise; only answers.

My thought process is rather meander; my responses are probably similar. As I do not completely understand many of the concepts myself, I cannot give a definite answer. Asking rhetorical questions is similar to me stating: "Interpret that as you will, and feel free to answer with your interpretation." I want my questions to be answered, and by evaluating these answers I can decide for myself whether I agree with them or not (thus creating my own answer). When asking these rhetorical questions I do have a vague concept in mind, I am just unsure how to explain it. That is as simple as I can put it.



Unnecessary said:


> Are you trying to understand yourself? Others? The 'real world'? All of the above?


Isn't understanding others and the 'real world' the same as understanding myself?

...And I am asking rhetorical questions again, haha. Touché.

Yes, I want to understand others. I want to understand the 'real world' -- the world being both what people see on the surface and the interworkings of the universe. And, most importantly, I want to understand myself. I am hoping if I can understand the first two, I will be able to easily do the latter.



Unnecessary said:


> What do you mean by "adding [yourself] to the equation"?


Adding myself to the equation is just that. (And I am writing in riddles again). The best example I can think of is the quote in my signature, written by one of my own favorite authors: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." If you observe cliques, for example, you will notice that the group is generally one person: the clique leader. How they dress, the manner they speak and walk, down to their very thought process; these adaptations occur because they are influenced to be someone else. By 'adding myself to the equation' I would not be able to observe these individuals and how drastically different they are when in a group opposed to being alone (it is in these instances I can see glimpses of who they truly are). Again, if I 'added myself to the equation' the people I associate with would not be themselves -- they would be _me _(my current "friends" have proven this behavior and I loath it to no end). That is the simpliest way I can explain it.



Unnecessary said:


> You know you're also human (with all the ups and downs that come with being one), right? What are you trying to learn about humans?


I understand I am human, yes, just as I understand the limitations that come with being one. I want to learn... everything. There isn't anything specific, really. Humans are fascinating and I wish there were more unique individuals in the world that would not change who they are because of social pressures.



Unnecessary said:


> Are you sure you have social anxiety? Or are you just apathetic to most people and don't enjoy social interactions (which would be completely normal)? Maybe your anxiety isn't as severe as mine, but I wouldn't talk about relating with other people as if it was such an easy feat, just a thing of 'if I want I can do it anytime'.


I think it is probably the latter; I am apathetic to most people and do not enjoy (most) social interactions. I agree, relating to others is not by any means an easy feat -- striking up a conversation, however, I have little trouble with. But I will only feel the urge to do so if I have a specific interest in someone while observing them (which rarely happens). Unfortunately, after these people become my friends they lose the spark they had before I interacted with them. They try too hard to be me. It is this situation that made me think of the 'adding myself to the equation' philosophy.



Unnecessary said:


> From your last paragraphs I can only say that, in my humble opinion, you have a very black-and-white perspective of other human beings. The way you described men and women is way too oversimplified and shallow, it's like if you took some basic distinction of genders you watched on T.V. and then stereotyped it even more. I knew some genderqueers who weren't as dichotomous when talking about the general aspects of men and women.


I am not certain how to respond this. I do not have a black-and-white perspective over men and women -- or at least, I do not _think _I do. The things I mentioned are just some aspects of specific women and men I noted. I know all human beings are not like that, but sometimes... I suppose sometimes it's a difficult fact to believe when you are surrounded by the misfortunes of the world -- rape, abusive relationships and so on. I apologize if it seemed like I shallowly generalized the two genders. At this point, I am not entirely certain where I stand with men or women. I do not know if I fear them or even dislike them -- all I do know is that I am fascinated. I will have to add men and women to the aspects of the world and humans I truly want to know.

Your post, Unnecessary, was very much necessary. c; Thank you for opening my ignorant eyes, if only a little. I am also open to any words of wisdom you may have.


----------



## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

Ah... I just spent some 15 minutes writing a response only to lose it due to a miss click, how endlessly annoying.

In any case I must say that this is probably the most interesting thread I've seen in these forums. So, while what I'm about to write most likely won't be anything you're not already aware of and won't be of any practical use either, I still feel compelled to do so for my own pleasure. After all, it's hardly a common occurrence to find an actual unique person.

The issue here is very evident, perhaps due to genetics, the way you were raised or most likely both you're much more intellectually capable than the average teenager. But it obviously it goes beyond that as you either spontaneously developed or were inculcated with a very unique set of personal and cultural values and aspirations that make you dislike the mundanity that naturally dominates most of our lives.

This inevitably leads to a breakdown of your social interactions because you may as well be talking in a completely unknown and alien language to other teenagers; the same way their tastes, preferences and idiosyncrasies may seem completely incomprehensible and even disconcerting to you, yours probably evoque a similar response in them.

It's just a matter of looking at this thread, just by glancing at the responses the intimidation emanating from some them was evident and this is only an anonymous, online forum where everyone can choose to present themselves any way the choose and for all we know you may be fifty years old instead of a teenager and having a dictionary next to you in order to express yourself the way you do.

I therefore can't even begin to imagine how uncomfortable must be to your fellow teenagers that actually see and know you to deal with your mannerisms and most people, specially young people, don't deal very well with that sort of feelings which often leads to instinctive hostility.

But one very important fact that I personally think you must understand is that while you may be superior intellectually and academically to those around you, that by definition doesn't make you objective and generally superior, especially when you have such evidently crippled social skills; you're not a different species nor are you a superior being, you're merely a human being whose capacities and abilities are focused and distributed in a very particular way, which makes you excel in certain aspects and fail miserably in others. Accepting that fact is the essence of humility.

Now, what can you do to improve your current social standing?, in my personal opinion absolutely nothing; because doing so would require a very elevated level of emotional maturity that you, and for that matter neither do your fellow teenagers, do not currently posses. 

That maturity is required for you to detach yourself from your narrow view of the world and understand that while we all have our individual identities we still need to be able and willing to see life through the eyes of others, no matter how alien that view may seem, because only then could you bridge the gap between yourself and everyone else.

Sadly, true maturity isn't something you can learn from a book nor is it something that can be explained so you can extrapolate it into your personality, you can't simply achieve that right now because your brain isn't fully developed at your current age and even more importantly because the quintessential element of maturity is experience and you're simply too young to have the required life experience.

My only, actual advice would be for you to try and experience as much of the world and others as you possibly can, even if the experiences are overwhelmingly negative, and try to avoid yourself from falling into the self serving pit of considering yourself superior and growing disdainful of all others. Because as you will mature so will those other people around you, and if you keep your mind free of that filth there will come a day when both you and those around you will be capable of understanding each other.

Good luck young lady, I hope you can reach your true potential some day.


----------



## zomgz (Aug 17, 2009)

Something I've learned in life is that there are a lot of different kinds of intelligence. There is a lot to learn from people, no matter what they look like, act like, or do. I've found some of the most interesting people I've ever met have been beggars and the mentally ill (serious cases).

You seem to have a great aptitude for writing and I quite enjoy your style. That is a good skill you posses. Now, for example, imagine you meet a poor farmer who doesn't smell particularly fresh or look very clean. You might think he's a nobody. Now you spend some time with him and learn he was once very successful at farming. He knows all the ins and outs of crops and how to care for them in all kinds of environments. He is intelligent in that way; that is his skill.

I hope you see what I mean. You can take anyone, good or bad, and learn a lot from them.


----------



## Unnecessary (Nov 16, 2013)

Hey, thanks a lot for taking the time to write a detailed response to my last ramble. 
I truly appreciate it.



KaitlynRose said:


> You mentioned I remind you of your younger self. Are you pertaining to the way I write and think, or the type questions I am asking?


A little bit of everything. As I said, I see your posts as something that I would've wrote when I was younger. Now that I think about it my post may have been biased because of that, if you felt that a part of my post wasn't directed to you, don't worry, it probably was directed to me hahaha.



KaitlynRose said:


> Isn't understanding others and the 'real world' the same as understanding myself?
> 
> ...And I am asking rhetorical questions again, haha. Touché.
> 
> Yes, I want to understand others. I want to understand the 'real world' -- the world being both what people see on the surface and the interworkings of the universe. And, most importantly, I want to understand myself. I am hoping if I can understand the first two, I will be able to easily do the latter.


Well, you're seeking for some difficult answers. At this moment I can't think of anything that could help you, so I can only wish that you achieve what you want.



KaitlynRose said:


> Adding myself to the equation is just that. (And I am writing in riddles again). The best example I can think of is the quote in my signature, written by one of my own favorite authors: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." If you observe cliques, for example, you will notice that the group is generally one person: the clique leader. How they dress, the manner they speak and walk, down to their very thought process; these adaptations occur because they are influenced to be someone else. By 'adding myself to the equation' I would not be able to observe these individuals and how drastically different they are when in a group opposed to being alone (it is in these instances I can see glimpses of who they truly are). Again, if I 'added myself to the equation' the people I associate with would not be themselves -- they would be _me _(my current "friends" have proven this behavior and I loath it to no end). That is the simpliest way I can explain it.


Now I can understand better. That quote by Wilde is great, btw.
I think that you could actually benefit from involving yourself in coteries, it could let you understand better its members. From outside you can see their true selves and their frontage, but from inside you could see why they prefer to mix in a little throng rather than being themselves, why aren't they comfortable with who they really are and prefer to live another's life. At least that's how I see it, I'm personally intrigued by the causality of human's decisions, but maybe you aren't and are searching for something different.



KaitlynRose said:


> I understand I am human, yes, just as I understand the limitations that come with being one. I want to learn... everything. There isn't anything specific, really. Humans are fascinating and I wish there were more unique individuals in the world that would not change who they are because of social pressures.


I agree, humans are absolutely fascinating. The thing is that all humans are unique in some way, even if most of them just seem like another dull blur in the immensity of our race, they all have opinions, thoughts, dreams, ideas, minds. If they ended up being 'just another one' due to social pressure or any other reason, there's a lot of stuff that carried them to that point.
Even the most unexpected persons can be fascinating if you give them the chance.
That's how I see it, anyway, maybe I'm being way too optimistic about human race.



KaitlynRose said:


> I think it is probably the latter; I am apathetic to most people and do not enjoy (most) social interactions. I agree, relating to others is not by any means an easy feat -- striking up a conversation, however, I have little trouble with. But I will only feel the urge to do so if I have a specific interest in someone while observing them (which rarely happens). Unfortunately, after these people become my friends they lose the spark they had before I interacted with them. They try too hard to be me. It is this situation that made me think of the 'adding myself to the equation' philosophy.


That apathy reminds me, yet again, of my younger self. It's funny, because my apathy made me isolate myself from other people, and when I had to leave my lethargy to face reality again... I couldn't, I had anxiety of everything all of a sudden. I sincerely hope you don't go the same path that I did. And that this message doesn't make you worry too much about ending up like me :teeth
Also, that last sentences about what led you to your equation philosophy made me think about my own friendships in a way I've never thought before, so thank you for that.



KaitlynRose said:


> I am not certain how to respond this. I do not have a black-and-white perspective over men and women -- or at least, I do not _think _I do. The things I mentioned are just some aspects of specific women and men I noted. I know all human beings are not like that, but sometimes... I suppose sometimes it's a difficult fact to believe when you are surrounded by the misfortunes of the world -- rape, abusive relationships and so on. I apologize if it seemed like I shallowly generalized the two genders. At this point, I am not entirely certain where I stand with men or women. I do not know if I fear them or even dislike them -- all I do know is that I am fascinated. I will have to add men and women to the aspects of the world and humans I truly want to know.
> Your post, Unnecessary, was very much necessary. c; Thank you for opening my ignorant eyes, if only a little. I am also open to any words of wisdom you may have.


I apologize if I was too rough in my last post in general, sometimes I forget there's a real person in the other side of the screen. And I don't think I have wisdom of any sort, but I'm glad that I could make you think about something, even if it was just an offal.


----------



## KaitlynRose (Aug 28, 2013)

Unnecessary said:


> Well, you're seeking for some difficult answers. At this moment I can't think of anything that could help you, so I can only wish that you achieve what you want.


I see... Thank you for trying. I hope I can find the answers I am seeking as well. Is there something you specifically wish to know -- about people or the world, perhaps? Maybe in my pursuit for knowledge I can find some of the answers you are looking for as well.



Unnecessary said:


> Now I can understand better. That quote by Wilde is great, btw.
> I think that you could actually benefit from involving yourself in coteries, it could let you understand better its members. From outside you can see their true selves and their frontage, but from inside you could see why they prefer to mix in a little throng rather than being themselves, why aren't they comfortable with who they really are and prefer to live another's life. At least that's how I see it, I'm personally intrigued by the causality of human's decisions, but maybe you aren't and are searching for something different.


Indeed, Oscar Wilde is a fantastic author. I have been desperately seeking someone who has a similar writing style (modern day best seller books just do not compare to his geniality). After I finish _Lolita _and _Oliver Twist, _I am afraid I will have nothing else to read. Do you have any authors/books you would recommend?

The causalties of human decisions are related to the world and humans. Considering I wish to know everything there is about humans, that is an aspect I am interested in knowing as well. However, I suppose I am a little hesitant to become "one of the crowd". Humans are influential creatures; I may lose a sense of myself during my pursuit of enlightenment. I can see the benefits but I am... scared? Hrm... This decision is troubling. I will have to ponder what I will do next before I continue forward.



Unnecessary said:


> Even the most unexpected persons can be fascinating if you give them the chance.
> That's how I see it, anyway, maybe I'm being way too optimistic about human race.


I think optimism is a rarity in modern day; do not lose it. I will try to share the same outlook when encountering others. I suppose even a meek-looking sappling has the potential to grow into a strong tree.



Unnecessary said:


> Also, that last sentences about what led you to your equation philosophy made me think about my own friendships in a way I've never thought before, so thank you for that.


Ah, of course. I am pleased you gained something by posting here instead of just giving me advice. However, I am a bit worried... hopefully my pessimism did not make you second guess the quality of your friendships. That is the last thing I wanted.



Unnecessary said:


> I apologize if I was too rough in my last post in general, sometimes I forget there's a real person in the other side of the screen. And I don't think I have wisdom of any sort, but I'm glad that I could make you think about something, even if it was just an offal.


Do not apologize; your post was perfect. c: I appreciate blunt honesty. Thank you very much for your post.


----------



## Unnecessary (Nov 16, 2013)

KaitlynRose said:


> I see... Thank you for trying. I hope I can find the answers I am seeking as well. Is there something you specifically wish to know -- about people or the world, perhaps? Maybe in my pursuit for knowledge I can find some of the answers you are looking for as well.


Nothing in particular, really. I just try to learn as much as I can of as much as I can.



KaitlynRose said:


> Indeed, Oscar Wilde is a fantastic author. I have been desperately seeking someone who has a similar writing style (modern day best seller books just do not compare to his geniality). After I finish _Lolita _and _Oliver Twist, _I am afraid I will have nothing else to read. Do you have any authors/books you would recommend?


Recommending authors/books is quite difficult, since everyone has their one tastes in this regard.

I'm not sure of one who compares to Wilde, each writer has his own unique style. From the top of my head I can think of Mark Twain, maybe, especially if you enjoy wisecracks and wit; you could also read something by Henry James, he was a friend of Oscar Wilde and in his novels you can notice a resemblance to Wilde's style.

Lately I've been enjoying Spanish literature, authors like Jorge Luis Borges, Julio Cortázar, Mario Benedetti, Gabriel García Márquez; poets like Pablo Neruda and Rubén Darío are fantastic. I've heard that Isabel Allende is good, too, but I haven't read anything by her yet.
The problem is that finding English translations is troublesome.

And I'm starting to read Japanese light novels, for example, Welcome to the N.H.K. by Tatsuhiko Takimoto and the works of Ise Katsura (unfortunately the latter's novels are impossible to find translated, so only his manga adaptations are available). Even if I don't really know much about it, I like the Japanese approach to writing.



KaitlynRose said:


> The causalties of human decisions are related to the world and humans. Considering I wish to know everything there is about humans, that is an aspect I am interested in knowing as well. However, I suppose I am a little hesitant to become "one of the crowd". Humans are influential creatures; I may lose a sense of myself during my pursuit of enlightenment. I can see the benefits but I am... scared? Hrm... This decision is troubling. I will have to ponder what I will do next before I continue forward.


 I think it could benefit your knowledge of yourself, too. If you engage in conversations with particular crowds you might begin to notice things about yourself that you used to ignore before.



KaitlynRose said:


> Ah, of course. I am pleased you gained something by posting here instead of just giving me advice. However, I am a bit worried... hopefully my pessimism did not make you second guess the quality of your friendships. That is the last thing I wanted.


Thankfully not, but it made me contemplate them in a different perspective which I've never thought about before.

On another note, knowing that you're interested in human psyche, you might appreciate books about psychology and human behaviour.
You could download some of them since it's hard to find physical copies, but I don't know if linksharing is against the forum's rules.


----------



## NoHobbies (Jun 26, 2013)

Damn girl stop being so articulate.


----------

