# How long did it take you to get over your ex / exes?



## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

Generally speaking -- or you can go into a lot of detail.

Especially if you have severe social anxiety and managed to get into a relationship?

And if you've never been in a relationship, how long has your longest "crush" lasted?


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Hmm a month maybe :stu


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

Kevin001 said:


> Hmm a month maybe :stu


How long were you two together?


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## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

About a year, we were together for 6.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

alienbird said:


> How long were you two together?


5-6 months


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## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

D


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## Vip3r (Dec 7, 2010)

Ekardy said:


> About a year, we were together for 6.


Sounds like my last relationship. It took me about a year as well after being together for 6 years.


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## Ekardy (Jul 26, 2018)

Vip3r said:


> Sounds like my last relationship. It took me about a year as well after being together for 6 years.


 I thought it would have taken me longer but I guess when you're ready you're ready.


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## 1solated (Jul 5, 2018)

Like a week honestly LOL

Relationships always seem to add more stress than they're worth in my experience.


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

It depends on if I loved them or not. A few exes I was just trying to convince myself I loved them the whole time we were together so it didn't take long after the breakup to get over them, a few months at the most. I've only been deeply in love twice, the first time it took 6-12 months to get over it. The second one I can't say I'm completely over it and it has been over a year. He wasn't even good to me or good for me and I do not want him back or even want to talk to him because of the chaos he brings but I still care about him in some weird way? The heart is really strange.


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## andretti (Jan 2, 2016)

only been in love twice. one relationship , i was over it before it was over. the other took a few years and thats only because it was the mother of my kids. 

since then ive had relationships but never let myself catch feelings because of how it felt like a lifetime to get over that person. that hurt and i never want to put myself in that position again .


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## llodell88 (May 15, 2011)

a few months to a year, life was not busy enough


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

alienbird said:


> And if you've never been in a relationship, how long has your longest "crush" lasted?


Months/a few years. My crushes usually don't get a chance to grow very strong, since the guys I crush on either 1. make it clear they're not the person I thought they were/are completely incompatible with me, 2. make it clear they revile women like me, or 3. get in a relationship with someone else (who is absolutely nothing like me). All of these tend to crush a crush. Instead, I'm left feeling like an idiot for crushing on them in the first place.

The crushes I get on fictional characters...those last years/decades, though my focus may shift from one character to another over time.

Fictional crushes and real crushes hurt just as much since none of them will ever be reciprocated.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Took me a couple weeks. Only because I fell for him kinda hard, even though it didn't last very long at all.

Longest crush was about 2 years when I was like 15, and I'm glad it didn't pan out. I've only ever held people back unfortunately.


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## smoothlinghs (Jun 2, 2018)

Hehheheh....... Am I starting with my first grade crush or some case later?


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## alienbird (Apr 9, 2010)

smoothlinghs said:


> Hehheheh....... Am I starting with my first grade crush or some case later?


Tell me everything!
From first grade until now.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

up to 4 years to be really over them. that was a major one though, the 4 years thing... on average I'd say 6 months


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I ended both my relationships so I didn't really need to get over it as such. I've had crushes that have lasted years.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

The first one finished after four months. As i didn't find anyone else for a long time its difficult to pinpoint when i was over it. If we're talking about getting over the worst of the post breakup dejection then perhaps a month. 
A more recent one was long distance and i was gradually frozen out although there was a day when i sensed things were over and she soon after revealed she needed time to think over stuff. When things officially ended a few months later I'd more or less expected it to the point i was already ready to look for someone else.


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## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

Now I’m wondering how long it took people to get over me? :afr 
Probably 2 seconds :sigh


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## smoothlinghs (Jun 2, 2018)

alienbird said:


> Tell me everything!
> From first grade until now.


Lets say sometimes I continue liking someone against my will. End it but keep thinking about him. And that is annoying oke .


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I only have a few real "exes" but have had many crushes. 

I'm not sure what "get over it" means in this context?

Let's see. 

1. My first GF did not really care about me the way I did about her but I didn't know that at the time. We were abruptly separated by means of my mother moving me far enough away that reestablishing contact with her was all but impossible. In those days we had only had normal phones and I didn't have her phone number because we lived right next to one another and we didn't have to call each other. 

I did not see her again for several years and when I did, it was only briefly at an amusement park (we just almost literally bumped into one another by coincidence). She had her "new" BF with her so it was kind of ummm...not really practical to discuss old times. :lol

I never really "got over her" as far as forgetting her or not thinking of her in a warm and fuzzy way. Your first GF is special even if the relationship was not that great. I was naive at the time. She was more experienced than I was (I guess) at socializing and maybe at dating. I did not realize that she liked me but not that much. I only realized what she really felt about me many years later after spending most of my adult life kind of idolizing her.

I'm not sure what shook the memories loose but I think I may have found her letters after forgetting about them all those years. I hadn't read them since I was a teenager. Reading them with adult eyes, I realized things I was oblivious to at the time and I realized she didn't really care about me at all. 

Anyway, I guess you could say I'm still not entirely over it since I can't really change all those years of feeling a certain way even if it was all in my own mind. It's like if you believe anything else in your mind for 20 years and then find out it wasn't what you thought it was. You can't really change it with the new info. So really. I just feel like I was so dumb for letting just a few weeks in 1988 dominate my thoughts for so long. It's kind of comical actually. :lol

2. Another girl I dated briefly. She was beautiful. Really out of my league. But she did like me and she was my first real and passionate kiss. You can't erase that from your mind. Ever. :lol

3. Another girl who initiated the relationship with me. I kind of didn't realize what I was getting myself into. She was interested and not unattractive and I was out of my parents house for the first time ever. After a while, I realized I just wasn't feeling it and she was REALLY clingy. She was a couple years younger than me. I was 21 and I think she was maybe 19.

I knew fairly early that I didn't like her the way she liked me but SA. I couldn't tell her. I didn't know how. I spent weeks trying to figure out how to let her down easy and in the meantime, she was getting more and more attached. Finally, I had to tell her and she was really hurt and that sucked so bad. There were no real feelings of romance to get over but I don't think I've ever really gotten over hurting her like that. I totally never thought about it until I was in over my head. It wasn't something I planned. I don't know if it was my fault but it wasn't really her fault. Weird. 

4. I've had various crushes. Mostly just admiring from afar types of things. At my last job there was a girl who liked me a lot and I didn't know it until someone told me. I had noticed her a few times and had said hi to her just as a normal thing not thinking anything of it (I said good morning to everyone every day so that wasn't anything). 

Anyway, my friend told me she liked me while we were on the way to buy beer after work. It seemed odd because I knew she had a BF and she hadn't really given me "the look" as far as I knew. 

The next day was awkward. I didn't say anything or give her any indication that I knew but I could kind of feel it in the air and it felt uncomfortable. Not long after that I was promoted to manager and it felt even more weird because I had to tell her what to do all the time. One day we were really busy and she made a whole bunch of sandwiches wrong and I had to keep telling her to make them again. I wasn't mad but she was nervous and I was just losing it in my mind thinking she probably hated me at that moment.

So I went back and started helping her make them and I was so nervous I spilled a big bag of something. I can't remember what it was but it was something that went all over the place. She started apologizing for it and it was super awkward. I'm thinking "Why the hell is she apologizing because I spilled it?" 

Anyway, I never really said anything or found out if she really did like me or if my friend was lying. What was I even going to say at that point? I WANTED to. She was attractive and if she had just approached me in a not awkward sort of way I would have jumped at the chance at that point in my life. It probably wouldn't have ended well (I'm not relationship material for sure) but it might have been a chance for something. 

I guess I kind of didn't get over that one because it's that nagging "What might have been" sort of feeling. That was the last kind of "normal" couple of months I had before I quit work and completely withdrew from everything. I always felt like it was kind of my last chance.


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## BeautyandRage (Jul 2, 2018)

I


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## 3stacks (Sep 27, 2014)

No amount of time cause I don't have any or never will  lol


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

BeautyandRage said:


> It's crazy reading this, this is almost exactly what happened in my situation. I was with a boy on and off for almost two years and I was his first girlfriend, he loved me so much, at the time I didn't love him as much and took him for granted. Only after we were separated by his parents moving him did I finally realize what I had and how much I really loved him. Neither of us were allowed to use cell phones/computers and we didn't have each other's house phone number. We lived right next to each other as well.
> 
> The next time I saw him was a few years later at a fair while I was with my new boyfriend and I saw him sitting down and he immediately came over to where I was but didn't say anything because I rushed away because I felt bad for my new bf.


 That is a pretty crazy set of coincidences. It's funny how the same scenarios just happen over and over all around the world with different people, places and times.



> I used to write him letters as well, but I'm pretty sure they were sweet letters that showed I cared about him.


 In my case, I kept all the letters. Some of them were sweeter than others. I think she liked me more at first and relatively quickly changed her mind. I always wondered why and never figured it out until I was in my 30s and read them all again in the order that she wrote them. Then it was completely obvious. I just wish I had read them again when I was like 21 so I wouldn't have gone on thinking I may have missed out on something that wasn't there.



> I'm not entirely over this relationship either, it felt so unfinished to me and like it could've gone somewhere eventually but we were pulled apart.


 Yeah. These days it seems rather unlikely that people would end up with their first BF/GF but back then it was more common for people to start dating in their teens and stay together. It literally could have happened. Except that it couldn't have. But I didn't know that because I didn't know why she changed her mind about me until I read all the letters and put them together into the big picture.

Seems like an unlikely story now. If we had internet back then we wouldn't have lost touch and I wouldn't have spent half my life wondering. In those days people had unlisted phone numbers so you would never find someone who didn't want to be found unless you really went overboard. I think she moved right around the same time I moved so by the time I got a driver's license she didn't live there anymore.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I was in a pretty messy relationship that was on and off for the last year of it's existence. I can't say I was fully over it for a good year afterwards. She was a narcissistic wreck and did her best to kill me off, but it takes a whole lot of tainted cheese to kill off a rat like me.

I guess I won in the end, because I feel completely indifferent to the entire thing. She will still message me every now and then, but I feel pity more than anything.


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## BAC (Aug 16, 2015)

I've only ever had one relationship, and it was with the one girl that I can say that I've ever truly loved. We were together only for a short time, but I cared about her a lot. It took roughly a year to move past the pain, and even now I think about her from time to time. It's difficult when you feel like you found someone who was perfect for you, and then out of the blue they decide to step out of your life without any real reason given. It was kind of a complicated situation.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

Basically I was the one to end all the long term relationships I had, so I wasn't heartbroken or anything. I thought about them of course but wasn't super upset. Long time ago so hard for me to remember what emotions I had at the time. I still think about them now but none of those relationships would have worked out long term. There were major incompatibilities that could not be changed or worked on. 

Was rather upsetting when guys I had sex with (not relationships) ghosted me but that's just how dating game works I guess. Wasn't in love with them but definitely was in lust.


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

Maybe a month? I've never had a super serious girlfriend. I was never in love with any of the girls I've been with so it was pretty painless to get over them when it ended. Only one girl I actually cared about and I still got over her pretty quick.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

half year now, not over her yet.


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## RagnarLothbrok (Dec 16, 2016)

I don't really have any exes per-se. The girl I lost my virginity to had huge hang-ups over sex and her body image which prevented anything more developing. We both decided to stop seeing each other and I haven't heard from her since. It took a day or two to get over her.


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## Red2N (Oct 7, 2017)

About a day...if that. I guess it was a proper relationship but I wasn't in love. He'd call me the n-word amongst other racist slurs towards the end of our relationship, so I was able to get over his *** pretty quickly.


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## xxDark Horse (May 13, 2015)

I remember this one girl back in February of 2015. She was an intern where I worked and went to school at. I remember the day she walked in and the moment I saw her for the first time, I instantly fell for her. She was 100% my physical type. 

Of course, nothing came out of it because at the time, I could barely talk to women at all, let alone ask someone out on a date. 

I talked to her several times, even that was an accomplishment. I even added her to Facebook. 

May of 2015 was when she left. I remember because I wrote it in my diary. Yes I wrote a diary about her, I was that obsessed. It's also the day I signed up for this site.

I knew this girl for a little over 2 months, and barely even talked to her. Yet, it took me 2 1/2 years just to get over her. 

How I got over her. I was laying in bed one night in August of 2017, and had this thought that I should look at this picture of us together that was taken the last day I ever saw her. I saw it and my first reaction was like meh can't believe I was super crazy about that chick... Then I went on to bed and woke up the next day. Now i'm cured.



I don't really get crushes anymore so something like this will hopefully not happen again for a while...


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

I'm not sure who would qualify as an 'ex'. Like would somebody I went out with 3 times be considered an 'ex'? Some of this even basic relationship stuff is completely confusing to me. If these people WOULD be considered exes, I typically 'get over it' within maybe a couple hours. Maybe I might think of something particular that would make me regret being alone again, but those feelings don't last very long.


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## Korcari (Aug 27, 2018)

Yeah, as other people have said... it depends on the ex/relationship.
The most serious one I was in... it took a long time. Several years, if I'm being honest. 
We actually got back together once. We're still friends now, but I can pretty much guarantee that is NEVER happening again.

Another one took me a few months... more because I was hurt by the loss of their friendship.

The rest took me about a minute to adjust. Short relationships. Was never in love with them.

I've gotten to the point though where relationships no longer seem worth it to me. I'd have to meet someone I REALLY connected with... especially with hobbies/interests because I've always been so hard-pressed to find that. And let's be honest, I'm not meeting anyone barricaded in this house. Haha


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## DukeDuck (Jul 27, 2016)

alienbird said:


> Generally speaking -- or you can go into a lot of detail.
> 
> Especially if you have severe social anxiety and managed to get into a relationship?
> 
> And if you've never been in a relationship, how long has your longest "crush" lasted?


For us with social anxiety, breakups can be extra hard.

I had a bad fight with a friend of mine (who I had a crush on) 2 years ago, and it changed my attitude towards people


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## Yer Blues (Jul 31, 2013)

I guess I'm finding out.


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## gunner21 (Aug 4, 2012)

It's been 3+ years and hasn't happened yet. Not sure I ever will get over her.


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## Nick Attwell (Jun 16, 2014)

Never got over any of my relationships

I just need to learn how to let go


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## RightInTheFeels9 (Jun 12, 2017)

It took about a year and a half. We just weren't compatible. I'm sure there are cooler women out there.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

There is no "ex" to "get over" in my case. :lol


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## azgeda (Jul 29, 2018)

surprisingly pretty quick? i was a mess for a few months, to be honest. lots of weeping, lots of staying home, lots of being hurt and questioning things and writing in my journal. i broke up with him in february... and was sleeping with a new guy by may. things with the new guy didn't go anywhere, but it was pretty fun.


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## TheFighterStillRemains (Oct 3, 2010)

It depends on how much I loved them and what's going on in my life at the time.


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## LampSandwich (May 5, 2012)

******

*Depends which ones, though I haven't had an overload of actual relationships of course. Sadly, I think I've been far more obsessed with a select few who I've never actually been in an actual relationship with. It seems like I've never truly been in love with anyone who has ever loved e backed the same way and vice versa. For what I'd call the 4 actual relationships I've had I don't think it took me very long to get over them generally. It was always the guy who was way more in love with me than I was them. Yet I have these flings that happen every so often that I obsesses and obsess about forever, in love with those only who I know will never love be back. I hate it. I also feel so terrible for not reciprocating the love others have for me. This is probably why I haven't had a relationship in awhile... I guess I've never been in one where I've really truly genuinely been in love and I just get bored. I wish I even crossed the minds of the ones I can't stop ever thinking about ... *


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