# Bipolar Disorder



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Rest or Real? (Apr 1, 2011)

I will attest. I am attempting to maintain stasis here at the moment. Bipolar mood swings are eating me alive lately, but the last couple of days have been better. Not such wild, drawn out fluctuations. Currently I am on the "up" side of the pole, and I won't be surprised if that lasts a while until I hover down most ruthlessly.

Medication isn't a tool at my disposal currently, but I was last on Seroquel 600mg, Lithium 900mg and Xanax 1mg as needed. Therapy was twice a month, which is nothing. I hope to start up every week once I'm done and settled with moving. 

Thankfully I haven't hit one of my incredible highs or lows since being unmedicated (I have swung really fiercely, just no suicide attempts or blatant tears from reality), but the fear of such is always nagging at me. Really don't want to have to break, but I do need to wait for help. Just a few more weeks. Good thread idea by the way, I'm just none too sure of the amount of manic depressives around here.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Fromheretoeternity (Apr 3, 2011)

I have Bipolar Disorder and I'm getting treated for it with 300 mg of Quetiapine which helps my hallucinations and stables my moods. My moods were like a rollercoaster and when I first started taking my medication and when I was discharged from hospital I tried to commit suicide and continued cutting myself but now I see the benefits of my medication. Yes, my low self-esteem isn't the best but hopefully later in time it'll develop.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Fromheretoeternity (Apr 3, 2011)

EarlGreyDregs said:


> Nice to see another Bipolar here, FromHeretoEternity.
> 
> Wow - you are really young to be diagnosed & medicated for Bipolar Disorder. It shocks me & I feel horrible that teenagers can be afflicted with it so early & have to destroy the best years of their life. I know depression destroyed mine. I didn't start experiencing hypomania until around 17-18. Then mania at 19-20.
> 
> ...


 They got mine at the early signs of it, the psychiatrist said I may have early signs of Bipolar Disorder then I got hospitalized and got put on medication and got told I was getting treated for Bipolar Disorder. I hope that one day, you'll find a medication that benefits like mine does. At first I was wondering how my medication would help my moods because it was an anti-psychotic and not an anti-depressant but the psychiatrist said that an anti-depressant would make my hallucinations worse.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Moselle (Aug 2, 2011)

I have never been professionally diagnosed as bipolar, but I've shown enough signs of it that I believe I probably have it. I mentioned it to my boyfriend ages ago to get his opinion since he's taken at least 3 years of psychology, but he called me a hypochondriac. Then just recently he told me he thinks I might be bipolar. I've learned to hide when it happens because I didn't want others to think I was crazy. Usually if I'm upset and then suddenly fine I'll sit quietly for some time as though I'm still unhappy or just feeling neutral instead of just acting happy right away. It's much harder to hide going from happy to upset though. I can be in a great mood and then suddenly sadness or anger slaps me in the face.

I realize I don't have a severe case of bipolar disorder, but I also feel like it's just budding. Hopefully it won't ever get too severe.

It's rough knowing how to cope with it. Most people don't understand it very well. I always feel like people think bipolar means that you don't have enough self control to act right or that you take things too seriously or are just overly dramatic. :/ People just aren't educated on topics like these. I took a semester each of psychology and sociology so I have to remind myself that I have a semester more of understanding than most people I'll meet. (Not trying to sound cocky. A lot of high schools don't offer those courses and only a limited number of students can actually take them.)


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## Fromheretoeternity (Apr 3, 2011)

EarlGreyDregs said:


> Thanks, I hope I find the right combination as well. Lamictal worked great when it was at 200 mg. But then the mania & anger came out of literally nowhere, so they upped it along with the anti-psychotic. So, we are with really good drugs, just not sure of the correct dosages yet.
> 
> Yeah, anti-depressants are well-known for making Bipolar Disorder worse. I took Effexor (an anti-depressant) & I ended up with my largest & longest mania.


 I'm on 300 mg and my psychiatrist was seeing about putting me up to 400 mg but she's going to wait. I wasn't sure at first if anti-depressants would help but I got told they'd just make things worse.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Fromheretoeternity (Apr 3, 2011)

My dad didn't think I had Bipolar, he thought it was just me being a teenager then when I saw a psychiatrist. He thought I was just a little bit depressed. He didn't think I had it because he said to the psychiatrist, " I don't think she has Bipolar because my uncle has it and he saw aliens."


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Fromheretoeternity (Apr 3, 2011)

His uncle isn't genetically part of the family as I've been told. I don't think my dad understood that it takes quite a few years for it to come out full-blown.


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## jokatemcd (Aug 3, 2011)

hi - i was reading up on the thread, and i wanted to say hello to my fellow bi-polars  i've been living with it for 18 years now and still havent gotten it fully under control. I was 14 when things started going crazy for me and beyond just depression... ive been on pretty much every med you can think of to try at all different levels... im on an interesting med cocktail at the moment that seems to be helping. 
i, too, would love to have this thread continue, as i also do not know many people with bipolar who are willing to really talk about it, especially as adults... 
i just downloaded the android app for this site, too, so i am hoping to keep in close contact! lol

im off now to fill out my profile so hopefully by the time anyone reads this there will be some info about me to find out, too.

thanks - Jo


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## Rest or Real? (Apr 1, 2011)

You'll be all good, EGD, I just know it.

To anyone with bipolar disorder: Do you find obsessing to be a prominent force, be it with a person, a hobby, anything? I know it isn't uncommon to choose something and be overtly passionate about for a period of time before becoming burn out. Just wondering, I may have a form of OCD. For example, I listen to the same song over and over daily, and have been for a couple months now, haha. The song changes, and I listen to other music interspersed between the constant replaying of the song I am obsessed with, but I just find it a little odd that it can hamper my mood if I don't hear the song at least a few times. LOL I sound ridiculous, hooray MI.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

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## guppy88 (Nov 12, 2010)

They say I'm bipolar, but I doubt I have it. They put me on lithium for a long while, but I stopped because I knew I wasn't bipolar, and I'm fine now.

I'm trying to get into the air force, and i'm hoping a few year in the fire department and getting my EMT-P will change their mind, but I'm digressing. 

If you're bipolar it's important to know that your emotions will change when you're feeling bad.


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## ladyloveless (Aug 5, 2011)

They told me I was bipolar and I went through a bit of counseling but my mum basically refused to believe that anything was wrong with me. She's just sort of pretended it didn't exist and I never really got any sort of help.

I just turned 18 a few months ago. I don't have a car or a job or anything. I don't know what to do; I know that I need help.

Right now I'm at that sort of mellow in between low and high, which I know wont last much longer. I can feel myself slipping into deep depression and I don't know what to do.


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## Lionking92 (Apr 6, 2011)

I'm still in the process of finding out what disorder i have. My Psych is thinking its bipolar and has placed me on Depakote 500mg twice daily and its been working out pretty good. She recently decided to increase the dosage to 750mg X2 and that was a nightmare so now im back to the 500 mg...

I'v been on many antidepressants and they made my life a living hell.. so no more of that!

She has made me make a bipolar chart to see how my moods are and from what we see i have 4-7 mood switches daily going to extreme highs to extreme lows of suicide .. she was amazed..cause apparently that isn't normal.. im hoping it is bipolar because i'v learnt a lot about it. Its apart of who i am.


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## xTKsaucex (Jun 23, 2010)

Fromheretoeternity said:


> I'm on 300 mg and my psychiatrist was seeing about putting me up to 400 mg but she's going to wait. I wasn't sure at first if anti-depressants would help but I got told they'd just make things worse.


400 mg of Quetiapine!!! F-me thats a lot for a 15 year old. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, totally shattered because of the stuff, and I'm on 450 mg.

Anyhoo, yeah I got diagnosed last year around May time. I'm type II so I've been told but I don't get any hallucinations or psychosis just depression and hypomania. Although I do get pschomotor agitation.

As for outside help I had been seeing a psychiatrist a fair bit when it started but now I see her roughly once every 4 months now.

I'm sort of eagerly awaiting the next high, even looked up ways on how to induce it, as I've only had one hypomanic episode before but its more controllable than normal mania in that you don't loose touch of reality so want to see what happens now that I know what it is. I'm pretty sure mine is stress induced hypomania as I get very jumpy and energetic when stress builds, a sort of coping mechanism. Very useful when there are work deadlines that are stacking up and then mind and body sort of goes into overdrive and work at double capacity with little sleep.


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## rockyraccoon (Dec 13, 2010)

I have bipolar level 2. I was diagnosed last summer. Prior to this, I was correctly diagnosed with OCD, but incorrectly diagnosed with just depression. I was initially shocked to be diagnosed with bipolar because my understanding was that when people experience mania they like this new state, where they may be happy and feel free. But for me, the reason why I was diagnosed level 2 was because my mania presents itself in the form of anxiety and irritability. Those were the clues my psychiatrist used. Also, because I had failed to respond to so many medications over the years, in particular SSRI's, and because SSRI's pretty much all gave me greater insomnia and anxiety, well my psych used that as a clue. I have finally accepted the diagnosis. They first treated me with Lithium but it made me very violent. Then they tried Lamotrigine, but I got the dreaded rash from that med. It went away in a couple days with some ointment though. Now they have me on Epival (valproic acid) at a dose of 1000 mg, along with trimiprimine at 150 mg, and clonazepam at 2 mg nightly.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Yeah - It can show up as irritability mixed with anger or anxiety. ^ My last mania morphed into that.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

Moselle said:


> I have never been professionally diagnosed as bipolar, but I've shown enough signs of it that I believe I probably have it. I mentioned it to my boyfriend ages ago to get his opinion since he's taken at least 3 years of psychology, but he called me a hypochondriac. Then just recently he told me he thinks I might be bipolar. I've learned to hide when it happens because I didn't want others to think I was crazy. Usually if I'm upset and then suddenly fine I'll sit quietly for some time as though I'm still unhappy or just feeling neutral instead of just acting happy right away. It's much harder to hide going from happy to upset though. I can be in a great mood and then suddenly sadness or anger slaps me in the face.
> 
> I realize I don't have a severe case of bipolar disorder, but I also feel like it's just budding. Hopefully it won't ever get too severe.
> 
> It's rough knowing how to cope with it. Most people don't understand it very well. I always feel like people think bipolar means that you don't have enough self control to act right or that you take things too seriously or are just overly dramatic. :/ People just aren't educated on topics like these. I took a semester each of psychology and sociology so I have to remind myself that I have a semester more of understanding than most people I'll meet. (Not trying to sound cocky. A lot of high schools don't offer those courses and only a limited number of students can actually take them.)


Why wouldn't you go see a doctor to find out if you have it or not and get some help if you do? It seems to be picking away at you and makign you uncomfortable, why continue on like that when you could be living much happier if you were diagnosed and on the right meds/therapy/etc.


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## lvmymffnsaln (Mar 17, 2013)

*I too am bipolar*

Hello all  I wanted to share my story with everyone about my experience with being bipolar, a military spouse and formally recovering from ptsd. Well my husband is in the air force at the moment and coming into this community I was very nervous seeing as I had terrible social anxiety and something in me that made no sense at all. I felt like I was going crazy but I left it alone because I was too scared to let anyone know what was going on with me. So it progressed and the more isolated I became. Well about a year ago I stared therapy with a psychiatrist that was wonderful and was treading softly with my symptoms, I did have a rough childhood so we were starting to address that first. Well I was pregnant at the time too and one day I just snapped, my anger became so overwhelming that I just destroyed my home and ran after my husband in anger. Well I was so scared of myself that I went to the hospital and told the nurses I felt sad that my husband would leave the house for work well they thought my husband had hit me and they called security forces on him. My husbands first seargent came in and asked my husband what had happened and my husband thinking he could help me told him what happened and his seargent came in to talk to me and yelled and cursed me out. These were his words "you psycho!, don't you know normal people dont act that way? Why would you trash your home like that, why are you pregnant?" Well he made me feel like I could just die then and there. So they separated us and I felt alone and suicidal, so those feelings came rushing back and I called my husband wanting comfort and the idiot seargent called me and told me to quit calling him that I wasnt supposed toand that I was p***ing him off. I was a mess and still cant get over that trauma. So I was forced to see one of their therapist that treated me horribly and I couldnt wait to be done with her she did not help so for people wanting to go into the military with a mental disorder it's a bad idea. Everything is all hunky dory until you show signs of mental illness and then they shun you and deem you a freak so think twice about enlisting. Im sure there are some bases with wonderful people but so far I've been around people that are quick to judge you as soon as you show signs of a mental disorder.


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## GreenRoom (Jan 28, 2012)

I too have bipolar and it has driven me out of university for the past year and a half. First through a major depressive episode and then mania. I've managed to complete 2 out of my 4 years of uni but lately its been hard as the recovery and "preparation period" before uni is frustrating as fcuk with the isolation and regressing back into old habits. I say this because I've moved out to live near campus to study and now I'm back at home with my parents.


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## blanddan0 (Sep 17, 2014)

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago, but I was really on the downturn of some of my manic behavior. Some psychiatrists and therapists have leaned towards generalized social anxiety, possibly inattentive ADD. My PCP just calls it a "chemical imbalance". But, I think the ups and downs I experience are more symptomatic of bipolar. I am very inattentive when I'm on the move, and forget ALOT of things, get weird anxiety in new interactions like ordering food or checking out at stores if I'm alone. With someone else I feel like I can embrace more of the inattention that makes me more comfortable, and am less anxious in those situations. I think I've mentally battled to ignore and suppress some of these symptoms to feel normal, which always leads to a depression every few years. And it's always triggered by very social events/presentations etc.

I believe i was able to live in some normalcy as a child because my mom operates on mania also, so that just seemed like the normal way to live growing up. She's also a 50 year old teenager. Once you start living with others and surround yourself with people on a consistent basis, things are noticeably off. I'm afraid to use too much medication to manage these symptoms, because I know the ups of the mania are some of the only ways I find passion and motivation to be social or active. But, it's hard to have any sort of consistency in life like this.


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## Furio (Jul 5, 2013)

Sucks ***, my dad took me off quetiapine because he sucks. I've been having the greatest days at school this week because of my hypo-mania but I can't sit a focus on my homework. Soon I'll be back to my suicidal state and anxious and everyone will forget how out going I can be.


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