# My grandmother passed away



## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

This is the first time I lost someone close to me. I'm already dealing with depression. My grandmother's death made me even more sad than I already am. It was also the first time I saw a dead body. Her funeral was yesterday. I didn't know she was going to be gone so soon. She has been living on oxygen tanks, but she was still going out for a walk, going out with her friends, and she said she was doing great. My family and I didn't get to say goodbye because her death was sudden. I have never felt so sad before until this day when I lost a family member. If any of you have lost someone close to you and who you loved, how did you deal with the heartache? What did you do to make yourself feel a little better? Thanks for taking your time to read this.


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## LolaViola (Jun 23, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's not easy to deal with and I can empathize with you. My great aunt passed away a few years ago. She was an amazing person. She took my mom, brother, sister, and me into her home when we had nowhere else to live. She let other relatives stay with her when they were going through difficult times as well. She was incredibly generous and kind. I have thought about how fortunate I am to have known a beautiful person like my aunt, for any amount of time. I have just tried to focus more on the positivity she brought to my life than her death. Although she has passed away, the mark she made is indelible. In a way, I still have her with me. I can still hear her voice and I carry her words of wisdom everywhere I go. Try to focus on happy moments you shared and the positive qualities your grandmother had. Think about life more than death...what you gained from knowing her more than the loss. One thing that has helped me too is reminiscing with relatives about moments shared with my aunt and talking about her good qualities. 

I hope you find this helpful, even if only a little. Bless you. :hug


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sorry for your lost. Hang in there. I've never really lost anyone close to me. The thing is I've never really felt close with anybody. I guess if I lost my mom or one of my sisters I would be upset/sad. I think.


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

Sorry to hear about that. You and yours have my condolences.


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## DJAshton (Jun 8, 2015)

Its not something that can easily be gotten over, you just have to go through the whole grieving process, but I promise you, when the grief clears you'll be able to remember all them happy memories and all of a sudden the tears turns to smiles and laughter.

Hope this helps mate, sorry for your loss


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

LolaViola said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's not easy to deal with and I can empathize with you. My great aunt passed away a few years ago. She was an amazing person. She took my mom, brother, sister, and me into her home when we had nowhere else to live. She let other relatives stay with her when they were going through difficult times as well. She was incredibly generous and kind. I have thought about how fortunate I am to have known a beautiful person like my aunt, for any amount of time. I have just tried to focus more on the positivity she brought to my life than her death. Although she has passed away, the mark she made is indelible. In a way, I still have her with me. I can still hear her voice and I carry her words of wisdom everywhere I go. Try to focus on happy moments you shared and the positive qualities your grandmother had. Think about life more than death...what you gained from knowing her more than the loss. One thing that has helped me too is reminiscing with relatives about moments shared with my aunt and talking about her good qualities.
> 
> I hope you find this helpful, even if only a little. Bless you. :hug


 Thank you for your kindness. I tried to think of one thing that was special for me and I thought of a few. My grandmother cared about my hands. I have ocd and one of my bad habits is that I wash my hands a lot to the point where they're red and start to bleed a little. My grandmother saw my hands and bought me different kinds of lotions every time she came over. I still have that big jar of vitamin e cream. She kept on checking my hands to see if they are okay. She also told me to face my fears and fight through life. She knew I had anxiety. She saw how really shy I was with acquaintances, but with my grandmother, I was able to let loose and be myself. It was nice. I'm sorry about your great aunt. Death is a part of life, but it hurts too much.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

In a Lonely Place said:


> Sorry to hear that.
> Don't feel too bad you didn't get to say goodbye, it's just not possible a lot of the time. We were at the hospital for my Grandad and then my Nan last year and neither time were we allowed to share in their final moments as they were working on them until the end.
> I don't have any advice I'm afraid, we all grieve in our own way, I know people hate clichés but time really is a great healer. It will hurt for a long time but it gets easier.


 Not only did I feel devastated, but I also felt fear. Her death was unexpected. I always let time heal all wounds. I'm not okay right now, but I will be soon.  Thanks for your advice and I'm sorry about your grandad as well. Having grandparents is just a wonderful thing to have in life.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Kevin001 said:


> Sorry for your lost. Hang in there. I've never really lost anyone close to me. The thing is I've never really felt close with anybody. I guess if I lost my mom or one of my sisters I would be upset/sad. I think.


 Family for me are the only people who matter to me even though we've had a lot of times where we didn't get along. Losing someone close is tough for anyone. Thanks for your advice.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Tymes Rhymes said:


> Sorry to hear about that. You and yours have my condolences.


 Thank you


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

DJAshton said:


> Its not something that can easily be gotten over, you just have to go through the whole grieving process, but I promise you, when the grief clears you'll be able to remember all them happy memories and all of a sudden the tears turns to smiles and laughter.
> 
> Hope this helps mate, sorry for your loss


 I'm confused with my emotions. One day I'm okay. The next day I'm in my room and don't want to speak to anyone. It's like a pattern. Yeah I need a lot of time to get used to this. First awful experience in life. Thank you for your advice. It is great.


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## chompers (Feb 3, 2015)

Really sorry to hear this. My grandma died a few years ago. She had been in rough shape for a while, and she was ready to go. That made it easier, but of course it's still hard. She was on her deathbed and I had booked a flight to go see her, but I didn't make it in time. That felt bad, but thinking of all the time I did spend with her helps. 

It also helps to think that she lived a really full life, and made it to a ripe old age. But her last couple of years were really hard for her as she deteriorated mentally and physically, and there were a few times where we thought she would die but she didn't. So I think it's lucky to go before this happens, even if it's more unexpected. At least your grandma and you and your family didn't have to go through this. 

TBH I used to worry about her dying and then I would think losing her would be so devastating I wouldn't be able to handle it. It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Be strong, you have it in you too, and your grandma would want you to go on with life.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

chompers said:


> Really sorry to hear this. My grandma died a few years ago. She had been in rough shape for a while, and she was ready to go. That made it easier, but of course it's still hard. She was on her deathbed and I had booked a flight to go see her, but I didn't make it in time. That felt bad, but thinking of all the time I did spend with her helps.
> 
> It also helps to think that she lived a really full life, and made it to a ripe old age. But her last couple of years were really hard for her as she deteriorated mentally and physically, and there were a few times where we thought she would die but she didn't. So I think it's lucky to go before this happens, even if it's more unexpected. At least your grandma and you and your family didn't have to go through this.
> 
> TBH I used to worry about her dying and then I would think losing her would be so devastating I wouldn't be able to handle it. It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. Be strong, you have it in you too, and your grandma would want you to go on with life.


 My grandmother lived until 80 which is a long life of course, but she would have lived a few more years if she wasn't a heavy smoker. Not saying goodbye just really sucks. My family and I were heartbroken and disappointed. She was supposed to come over on Monday, but she passed away on Saturday. I just thank god I'm not going through grieving alone. I'm sorry about your grandmother as well. <3 I see that most of the users on here have lost their family member before me and you all seem like you're doing well. I know I am going to be okay. Maybe next year. This year just sucks.


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## Mattsy94 (Feb 11, 2013)

Sorry to hear. I lost my little brother last year and I haven't been the same person since. I have very little motivation or purpose in life now. The man I used to be died the same day he did. I really haven't been coping well with his loss. It only added onto my existing depression and I don't know how I will ever get out of it.


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## anthropy (Sep 5, 2014)

Mine died quite recently too.. i felt quite bad, i wasnt exactly too close to her, and I had no idea what to say to her while she was on her death bed.
I gave her a hug, and casually said just said 'Bye' as I was walking out.. what an idiot. Just 'bye'? I hate myself. Can't even communicate properly to my dying nana.
Sorry to hear that though, it probably had a bigger impact for you since you were close to her. Loss is an unfortunate inevitability of life.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Thanks guys  You are all helping me get through this.


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## Polar (Dec 16, 2006)

Sorry to hear that, Farideh. My grandpa died last day of April this year.


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## sqiee22 (Jan 27, 2015)

I'm very sorry for your loss, I think you should definitely take solace in knowing that she could still go out and about with friends and such prior to her death, she could still live how she wanted which is a thing to take comfort in. I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye properly it is hard. I don't feel like I ever really said goodbye to my grandparents so I can't say that it'd make you feel any better if you had. 

I think you need to take extra caution because of your depression and perhaps seek some help for that. But also don't ever think that you are wrong to feel any emotion you happen to feel. I don't think grieving is as people perceive it, people generally think you're just going to be sad for x amount of time when it's a whole range of emotion good and bad, just don't let it interfere with your life beyond what is healthy. Take care of yourself and your family, take it day by day.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

Thank you, everyone. I hope you all are doing well too.


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## zomb (May 4, 2014)

My grandmother died when I was 7, too young to feel much. Though most 7 year old would cry or feel something? She died of cancer
my other grandmother died when I was about 15. Felt nothing. Died of gangrene
Grandad died a few years ago. Maybe two, I can't be sure. Felt nothing. One of those things that happen in the brain that kills them instantly -but there was blood everywhere.
my other hasnt too long left and I'm sure I won't feel anything either -probably has dementia. 
The only friend I have has cancer and HIV, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when he dies.


I guess I don know anything about loss. But I think you find room in your life to live with the pain you feel and maybe there are days where you forget for moments about the pain and that becomes more frequent.
so I would say to allow what needs to happen and dont hold your self back from the feelings. And it's important to remind your self why you loved them, maybe.
The good things don't always soften the bad things but vise versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant .


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Mother November 24th. It was the worst day of my life. The heartache is overwhelming. I lost my dad years ago. To lose someone very close to you is probably the most stressful event you'll go through in this life. Time will heal the shock and minimize the pain but you'll always remember them and there will always be that hole in your heart.

If you're religious, take comfort in your faith. If you have other close family and friends there to help you through the grief you'll do much better. I'm an only child and my Mom was my only immediate family. So ... this won't be easy for me.

I did have a chance to say goodbye to her as she was slowly fading away but I don't know how much she really understood what I was saying. She was very weak and sleeping most of the time. It was hard to have a conversation with her. How I wish I would have done that when she was in better health.


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## scintilla (Dec 10, 2008)

Cletis said:


> I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Mother November 24th. It was the worst day of my life. The heartache is overwhelming. I lost my dad years ago. To lose someone very close to you is probably the most stressful event you'll go through in this life. Time will heal the shock and minimize the pain but you'll always remember them and there will always be that hole in your heart.
> 
> If you're religious, take comfort in your faith. If you have other close family and friends there to help you through the grief you'll do much better. I'm an only child and my Mom was my only immediate family. So ... this won't be easy for me.
> 
> I did have a chance to say goodbye to her as she was slowly fading away but I don't know how much she really understood what I was saying. She was very weak and sleeping most of the time. It was hard to have a conversation with her. How I wish I would have done that when she was in better health.


Cletis, I'm really sorry for your loss. My condolences to you as well, Farideh. I know how hard it is to lose someone. My uncle passed away last month on Nov. 12 and it's been really tough as well. My family is very close and in many ways he was like a second father to me and my brother. He was terminally ill, so it was expected, but it's not something you can ever prepare for. He went from being "fine" one day (walking, talking, joking, singing) to being completely incapacitated the next. I felt completely gutted and heartbroken when it happened, it was truly the worst moment of my life so far. Part of me still can't believe it's real.

One of the things that has helped my family is remembering and taking comfort in all the good times we shared together. May you find comfort in your mother's memory as well, Cletis. Take care. I am thinking of you.


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## Cletis (Oct 10, 2011)

scintilla said:


> Cletis, I'm really sorry for your loss. My condolences to you as well, Farideh. I know how hard it is to lose someone. My uncle passed away last month on Nov. 12 and it's been really tough as well. My family is very close and in many ways he was like a second father to me and my brother. He was terminally ill, so it was expected, but it's not something you can ever prepare for. He went from being "fine" one day (walking, talking, joking, singing) to being completely incapacitated the next. I felt completely gutted and heartbroken when it happened, it was truly the worst moment of my life so far. Part of me still can't believe it's real.
> 
> One of the things that has helped my family is remembering and taking comfort in all the good times we shared together. May you find comfort in your mother's memory as well, Cletis. Take care. I am thinking of you.


Thank you so much.

My Mom was terminally ill also and I knew the end was coming but, like you said, it doesn't make it any easier to take. I was hoping she would at least make it through Christmas, but it was not to be. Mom and I were close, more like buddies than parent/child. I miss her deeply. I still don't refer to her in the past tense and when other people do it really gets to me. It will take awhile for me to accept that she's really gone.


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## 0blank0 (Sep 22, 2014)

Terribly sorry for your loss. As for grieving, that's something you should do. Take your time to grieve but at some point you are gonna have to accept the fact that she is gone and there is nothing to be done about it. It can be hard. As time passes though it may get easier. I was 14 when I lost my pawpaw, the only family member I have lost, and it was heart shattering. This December on the 19th will be 8 years now since he died. When I think about him of course I miss him, but through the years the pain of it eased up. I remember good memories of him. And maybe later on in life you will remember those memories you've had with her, or who your grandmother was as a person but you will look back and smile. 


Also, what helps me is I know I will see my pawpaw again one day. I'm not sure of your beliefs though, but for me and what I believe makes me happy to know that we will see each other again someday.


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