# Dissociative spells



## Caedmon (Dec 14, 2003)

It's been brought to my attention that I have these, specifically by my therapist. Apparently, anxiety merging into complete brain meltdown and losing track of time for 5, 10, 30 minutes or even hours is not normal(!). I will begin staring off into space and I forget what happened during that time (amnesia component).

This is new to me. Anyone else have this problem or have some thoughts on it?

I considered (only fleetingly) whether it was really ADD but it's primarily emotionally triggered, it's not a difficulty attending to tasks, it's blanking out during everyday moments. Not absence seizures, I do recall events a little better than that and they last too long. Very likely they _are _dissociative episodes. Maybe. Yay, another thing to bring up with the shrink. :|


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## torquexj (Oct 4, 2005)

This doesn't happen when you driving or something else where focus is important? or is it more when your bored?


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## BeautifullyDemented (Oct 17, 2005)

...Thats not normal...?!? I tend to do it a lot, but I had thought that it was normal - that everyone did it. Guess I was wrong. :fall


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## Vonnie (Nov 10, 2005)

Several times during sessions with my therapist, we'll talk about something that would be tough for me. It can get so overwhelming, I'll suddenly block it out and for those moments, I seem to lose track of time and even forget what we were talking about. She told me I was having a dissociative episode. I had no idea what she meant and then she explained it to me. When that happens, it's scares me because I'm thinking, I have SA, OCD, so many other fears, ok, now this and what next? :um


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## Argo (May 1, 2005)

I'll sometimes lose track of time while doing something (reading, cleaning up the apartment, playing on the internet), but not just sitting around. Does this happen while you are around other people? If so, are they unable to get your attention? I've heard of people sometimes lapsing into a catatonic state.


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## Caedmon (Dec 14, 2003)

Sometimes I can pull out of it, or people around me can pull me out of it by engaging me. I think - I'm not sure! It's not really catatonia per se, more like a pseudocatatonic melancholy. If I'm driving I can usually focus until I get home. 

Vonnie I'm that way with my therapist. Actually, with all of my therapists (plural) I've been that way. I struggle when I'm "in the moment" to really access those emotional states because my brain starts to shut down. I'm still learning about this, and it's a hard thing to really learn about in yourself if you're unaware of it. :um


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## Wrennie (Sep 12, 2005)

I have always done what you are talking about: sitting for periods of time doing nothing and losing time. I have always considered it my sort of personal "meditation" method. I can lose hours just sitting in the chair in silence. People have caught me doing it and thought I was crazy but I've always explained it as my way of regenerating. Do I have to start thinking of this as a bad thing?


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## NÃ¶liena (Oct 1, 2005)

Caedmon said:


> It's been brought to my attention that I have these, specifically by my therapist. Apparently, anxiety merging into complete brain meltdown and losing track of time for 5, 10, 30 minutes or even hours is not normal(!). I will begin staring off into space and I forget what happened during that time (amnesia component).
> 
> This is new to me. Anyone else have this problem or have some thoughts on it?


Yup. I used to do that several times a day, but not very often anymore. When I was in highschool it happened several times while I was driving. My mind must have been on autopilot because I was always fine, but it was pretty damn scary! Almost worse than panic attacks (in a situation like driving at least) because you don't know it's coming and aren't aware of it until it's over.


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## Vonnie (Nov 10, 2005)

Caedmon said:


> Sometimes I can pull out of it, or people around me can pull me out of it by engaging me. I think - I'm not sure! It's not really catatonia per se, more like a pseudocatatonic melancholy. If I'm driving I can usually focus until I get home.
> 
> Vonnie I'm that way with my therapist. Actually, with all of my therapists (plural) I've been that way. I struggle when I'm "in the moment" to really access those emotional states because my brain starts to shut down. I'm still learning about this, and it's a hard thing to really learn about in yourself if you're unaware of it. :um


Sometimes I can pull out of it, too and other times my therapist has to call me out of it. Yeah, the way you explained it about your brain shutting down, that's exactly what happens to me. It's just too much and then I'll go into this catatonic state, or several times my therapist told me when I'm overwhelmed, I'll lose track of time and reality. For a moment or so, I'm back to a time in my childhood when I was happy and then I'm snapped back to the present after she calls me. Caedmon, I'm glad you posted this because for a long while I felt very alone when this would happen to me, and I'd often wondered if this happened to anyone else.


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

Caedmon said:


> I struggle when I'm "in the moment" to really access those emotional states because my brain starts to shut down. I'm still learning about this, and it's a hard thing to really learn about in yourself if you're unaware of it.


Believe it or not, what your brain is doing at that moment is not necessarily a bad thing. Dissociation is a coping mechanism for dealing with severe trauma. Being able to go "outside of yourself" at that moment is sometimes much better for you than being forced to revisit a particularly upsetting incident at that time. It might mean you aren't ready to face something yet.


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## jenkydora (Nov 11, 2003)

My dissassociation is little different in that I am in front of mirror, doing whatever, makeup, skincare and without warning its like my hands are not my own, they belong to someone else. They are seperate from me.

I get this with pen and paper, my mind is elsewhere, and I'm writing, but it feels like the hands are not mine.
Freaky.

jenky


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## cube (Jul 8, 2004)

I had something kind of similiar happen to me the first time I quit smoking. I'd be hanging around my house playing my bass or whatever and I wouldn't be able to remember how I got there. I was just...there. I had virtually no memory of the events leading up to me sitting there. It was kind of freaky. Now I've learned that it was possibly caused by a drop in blood sugar since smoking would keep it higher before.


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## nathan (Sep 12, 2004)

Reviving this thread, just so I can tell a David Attell joke that's on-topic. Of course, he was talking about alcohol-induced blackouts, but he said...

Some people call them blackouts, I call them timewarps. One second you're taking a shot of jack daniels. Four years later you look up and you're working in a burger king.

Comedians always have the best takes on things. Too bad I remember things from my blackouts, 'cause mine started about 7 years ago... lol


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

this thread really interests me. i'm not sure if what i experience is dissociative at all, but reading these things reminded me, especially the person who said they look in the mirror and feel their hands etc are not their own. 
i tend to have a problem feeling connected to anything outside myself. i feel my body is my own, but as though i could reach my hand out and it might pass right through what i know is right in front of me. also when looking at things they sometimes feel impossibly far away. not visually, but somehow else. for example i could stare at a tree outside my window but feel so far away from it, i try so hard to focus on it, the branches, the bark, every little crack in it, minute details, but all the while i just feel further and further away, as though i'm not really looking at it at all. sometimes i feel like i live on one plane of existence and the world is on another. we overlap almost perfectly, but are off by just a fraction of a degree, i can see everything around me, interact with it, but if i reach out to touch it, my hand might pass right through. i know this in not literally the case, i'm not actually crazy or anything, i just have this sense of things being off sometimes. it's hard to explain without sounding crazy, i don't literally believe i live in another plane of existence, it's just a sense of feeling separated from the things around me sometimes. this happens often if i try to concentrate hard on something. i feel so disconnected from things so often. it's a terrible feeling. i think someone once described this feeling to me as 'derealization'.


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

I might have had some instances of this during my bad years long ago. 
I have a hard time remembering anything specific from those years...
Not sure what else to add...


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## Hannah (Oct 2, 2005)

Yep, I do this alot when there are big stressors. When it's bad it can be very noticeable to people. My mom and I both do it and it's a PTSD thing for us.

Deep-breathing exercises are helpful for stress, but I have to be careful doing them. After only a few times I let go so much that I become completely paralyzed for a moment or two. I can't tell if my palms are facing up or down or if they're folded over my chest, etc., can't open my eyes or move at all. It's only for a couple moments but really terrifying at the time. I panic that I'll never be able to snap out of it.

A friend teases (in a fun way) because I'll go to the tv guide channel and 'watch' it for 10-30 minutes and realize that I didn't even see what was on. The longest I've watched it was over an hour! Then I'll have to try watching it again, cuz so much time has passed that there's a whole new list of shows on, lol. I know it's abnormal, cuz I'll even think to myself, 'ok this time pay attention', only to do it again.

When I'm depressed, I find it difficult to watch tv or movies and stay focused on the programs. Same thing reading. I'll get caught up in one aspect of the story and get stuck there for a bit. I'll read all of the following words, but out of habit and with no comprehension.

This is very different from my regular daydreaming and I've noticed that it can be triggered by certain subject matter. When I was a little kid, we lived on a poultry farm for a few years. During high stress times, when I walk passed a chicken processing plant near my place and the smell will bring me back, it's so eery. Suddenly I'll have to concentrate on walking right and the sidewalk feels sloped and my steps become laboured. My feet stop arching properly and will slap down on the ground as if I'm wearing clown shoes or something. It feels kind of like vertigo. I'll look at the ground and everything seems to be off somehow. When this happens I have to fight veering off to one side of the sidewalk and struggle keeping my balance. I've had to stop several times and pretend to stretch my legs. I've even been late for work a couple of times for it. 

I first noticed this in my early 20's and even went to the emergency once because the floor suddenly just came up at me and I collapsed. Of course, the tests came back and I was as healthy as a horse. Very weird.

I've noticed that during these periods, I'll get back shivers constantly (like the eebie jeebies) followed with an adrenaline rush. Also I become clumsy to the point it's ridiculous. When it passes, I feel and see the shift. Like a lense being refocused. I've gone years without any of this happening. It's directly linked to my emotional state.


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## dharma hopper (Nov 22, 2005)

Yea i know exactly what the last few posters talk about with the derealization/depersonalization.

It seems like this feeling of estrangement from your environment is a relatively recent psychological problem...and is definitely tightly connected to anxiety disorders. My therapist reinforces the idea that it's a symptom of anxiety and not a disorder in itself.

It seems like there's plenty of writings on the topic though. It seems like lots of Buddhist practice (meditation and mindfulness) is about reconnecting the psyche and soma, mind and body. There's an author I particularly like who suffered from neurosis/estrangement and then turned to meditation...his name's Mark Epstein. Check out the book _Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart_ if you get the chance, it's really insightful.


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## umbrellagirl1980 (Dec 28, 2005)

^^ thanks for the book tip, it sounds interesting. in the past i have meditated regularly and i do notice a difference, i feel more connected, less separated from my environment. not while meditating itself, but in general during the periods of my life when i practiced it. i seem to see the things around me more, i have a greater awareness of both myself and especially of my environment. it really seems to have a positive effect for me, i should probably get back to doing it regularly again. 

i like the term 'estrangement' that you use. it's really descriptive of how i sometimes feel.


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