# Therapist mimicking me.



## Eski

Is there something behide it?, like some sort of therapist technique to bond with a person?.

Let me explain what my therapist/s have been doing/did. 

So on my first session meeting them, we sat down and i leaned forward, so she leaned forward. I'd smile and she would smile, lick/bite my lips and she'd lick/bite her lips. This is stuff i've literally been mimicked on over so many sessions and its not been in a mocking way or anything.

Anyway most of it stopped (apart from smiling but its sort of natural to smile back when someones smiling at you) until today when she started copying my eye contact (i'm sure most of you can relate) so when i'd look at her she'd look down and away, like what i do myself. 

It gave me some very strong mixed signals but i'm trying to be realistic here and see that theres some reason behide why shes mimicking my actions and behavior. I've become so socially retarded that i can't tell if this is just normal bonding techniques that normal people do everday or if shes trying to manipulate me so she can get me to be more open.


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## LordScott

stuff like that drives me crazy


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures

:wtf
There's a theory that people will mimick someone's gestures if they want the person to like them (like subconsciously that person is thinking they're 'on the same page'). But it's supposed to be much more subtle. 

Did it seem like she was trying to have a laugh with you? ...Or maybe she's just dim?


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## Monroee

I've heard that mimicking is a sub-conscious phenomenon (for both people), when they like each other. (I mean, romantically "like") 

I've never heard of a therapist doing it on purpose to try to sub-consciously make you trust them.. :sus


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## Twelve Keyz

what? lol that's so strange


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## TheoBobTing

There are various things it could potentially mean. She could be adopting your body language in an effort to better understand how you feel. They say that women are generally better at dealing with body language than men.


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## SuperSky

Call them out on it. I was going to suggest striking a ridiculous pose and let her copy it... So for eye contact, can you go cross eyed?

Or you could just say that you've noticed that she's mimicking aspects of your movements and that you're finding it distracting and it's making you uncomfortable etc. That way you'll find out if it's on purpose and if she was trying to be subtle about it.


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## Still Waters

I think it's a learned tactic on her part - mirroring as a way to connect with the other person and make them feel more at ease? Perhaps she is unaware she does it to such an extent?


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## Fruitcake

That is something that people do subconsciously to relate to the person they're speaking to, and when it's done that way it makes people more likely to trust you or like you. When it's subconscious it's only subtle.
I think she's probably doing it on purpose to make you trust her but is way overdoing it.


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## 67budp

Mirror neurons. We all have these in our brains. Shes expressing empathy, kind of like when someone yawns and then you feel the sudden urge to do the same.


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## NotAnExit

That is pretty strange. Like a few others mentioned, people tend to mimick one another if they "like" them but since this is your therapist, that seems kind of out there. _But then again who knows_.Lol.

Have you ever noticed anyone else mimicking your actions in the way shes going about it? Or being as obvious about it?

It could be her way of trying to put you at ease...maybe some technique she read about in an attempt to better connect with her patients.


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## Pam

Sounds fake to me the way you're describing it. Or like she's trying too damn hard, which also would feel fake to me. I've noticed that I and a counselor might happen to be sitting in the same position once in a while, but no one is supposed to copy the other on purpose as far as I know. It's more important that they listen and understand you I think.


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## Eski

Fruitcake said:


> That is something that people do subconsciously to relate to the person they're speaking to, and when it's done that way it makes people more likely to trust you or like you. When it's subconscious it's only subtle.
> I think she's probably doing it on purpose to make you trust her but is way overdoing it.


Yeah i think this is what it is and how i was naturally taking it at first, that they were doing it to tell me that i could trust them. Until the other day when she started breaking eye contact but saying that she did start to ask me some difficult questions after doing the mimicking which makes sense.

Its just when she started breaking eye contact, it was telling me something very different than "you can trust me" but rather something else. . . like if she did it out side of therapy, I'd be beating my self up for not making a move. . . you know?.

I'm sure she didn't mean to come across like that or even has feelings for me like that... i have felt friction tho. . . jesus i need to get a grip on my self.


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## Eski

Pam said:


> Sounds fake to me the way you're describing it. Or like she's trying too damn hard, which also would feel fake to me. I've noticed that I and a counselor might happen to be sitting in the same position once in a while, but no one is supposed to copy the other on purpose as far as I know. It's more important that they listen and understand you I think.


It has been pretty blatant and yeah I'd say fake. On the first session it sort of worked, the therapist stuttered on a word i stuttered on and it made me feel comfortable when she did it even though i knew she wasn't _really_ stuttering on the word but was rather doing it to say "its ok".

I dont think its needed now tho because i do trust her. hm.


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## AnxietyGirlx

As funny as that sounds to me, I would feel so uncomfortable if someone was mimicking me. But yeah, what others said, maybe she is trying get a feel of what you are feeling...


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## Michael127

From some of your stories, it sounds like you have the craziest counsellour ever!


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## PitaMe

I'm sure she didn't mean to come across like that or even has feelings for me like that... i have felt friction tho. . . jesus i need to get a grip on my self.[/QUOTE]

Lol


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## scribe

The therapist was definitely doing this on purpose. "Mirroring" is a technique used by professional therapists, psychologists etc. when they are meeting new patients and trying to establish a rapport. Even salesmen will use this technique to make a potential customer "like" them more. So, I don't think she was doing it to mess with your head, she just wanted to make you feel more comfortable.

I remember seeing this interview with that Tony Robbins self-help guy where he was mirroring every single one of the reporter's gestures. Folded hands, smile, raised eyebrow...everything. The reporter didn't even realize it until he ran back the tape, and when he did he got Robbins to admit he was mirroring because he thought it would make the reporter ease up on the questioning.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/NLP_Mirror_and_Matching_the_basis_of_Modeling.html


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## mike285

This might sound crazy, but you could just ask her haha.


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## Tyler Bro

How old is she?


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## Eski

scribe said:


> The therapist was definitely doing this on purpose. "Mirroring" is a technique used by professional therapists, psychologists etc. when they are meeting new patients and trying to establish a rapport. Even salesmen will use this technique to make a potential customer "like" them more. So, I don't think she was doing it to mess with your head, she just wanted to make you feel more comfortable.
> 
> I remember seeing this interview with that Tony Robbins self-help guy where he was mirroring every single one of the reporter's gestures. Folded hands, smile, raised eyebrow...everything. The reporter didn't even realize it until he ran back the tape, and when he did he got Robbins to admit he was mirroring because he thought it would make the reporter ease up on the questioning.
> 
> http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/NLP_Mirror_and_Matching_the_basis_of_Modeling.html


Lol, i knew there was something behide it. Thanks for the help.


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## Still Waters

I tell her flat out that I realized she was doing it and that it is making you uncomfortable. I never understand why people aren't just honest with their therapist. She might even appreciate knowing,as clearly she is overdoing it.


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## Eski

Nah, it hasn't been making me feel uncomfortable, its been making me feel more comfortable if anything. Its just that when she started breaking eye contact it gave me the wrong idea. So i needed to make a topic about it just to be brought back down to reality, you know?.

But you're right tho, i probably should have said something, something like "what your doing is very miss leading you know.". But oh well...i'll try and say something next time she does it.


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## Eski

Meh, after reading all of that rapport thing, i'm disappointed my therapist doesn't find me to be a sexy beast, but just not all that good at mirroring me in a subtle way. Think im going to try to start mirroring her back, should be fun!.


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## Unkn0wn Pleasures

Fruitcake said:


> That is something that people do subconsciously to relate to the person they're speaking to, and when it's done that way it makes people more likely to trust you or like you. When it's subconscious it's only subtle.
> I think she's probably doing it on purpose to make you trust her but is way overdoing it.


Makes sense


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## Still Waters

Hey,do those kissy lips and wiggle your ears at her - just like your avatar!


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## ravagingthemassacred

Yeah, I think she's consciously using this tactic to try to gain your trust, feel comfortable, etc


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## Midnight Laces

Hmmm, I would suggest, calling her out on it. 

But then again, she'll want to go into why you are asking that question. And how you feel. And what made you feel like that.


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## Eski

Still Waters said:


> Hey,do those kissy lips and wiggle your ears at her - just like your avatar!


I was thinking about puffing my chest out a lot aswell but then realized i was doing that naturally anyway (which has made me laugh irl thinking about it), dont think shes noticed that tho because she hasn't mirrored it lol.



> But then again, she'll want to go into why you are asking that question. And how you feel. And what made you feel like that.


Lol, i've stopped getting those sort of questions, i think its because i wasn't responding very well to them.


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## Sunshine009

She's doing it on purpose I think because you notice she does it all the time. When its accidental, its occasional only. I have read this in a number of books. As another poster said, Tony Robbins is one of the ones that avicates it and I have always hated this as a technique of trying to get people to like you or open up (Nicholas Boothman of "How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less also goes in depth about it). It is called "mirroring and matching" and maybe something else too. The goal is to eventually get the other person to start mirroring you! Honest to God! If that happens, then you have their mind too, so the theory goes, or what that means is that you can now influence them mentally somehow It is not honest. To show empathy all you need to do and say it and show it and mean it, not trick people. When people are talking about deeper subjects, some mirroring does happen occasionally naturally, but to seek to purposely cause this to happen and consistently, it is completely away from the subject of why you are together, and extremely manipulative. I don't know of anyone who says, "Hey wanna get together and play simon says? and see who can make who mirror who?" It is used by pickup artists too to try to force rapport.


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## Benzos cured me

*MFT's are taught to track non-verbal behaviors*

:no But she's overdoing it big time. Tell her.

If it's countertransference, and she has a crush on you, also tell her you're uncomfortable.

Therapy takes trust, truthfullness. She must be new, if not then the best thing is to tell her it's making you uncomfortable and raising your anxiety and if she has a supervisor, tell her.

J.


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## ApathyDivine

That sounds way creepy...I honestly wouldn't be able to handle it, I would probably never return


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## xTKsaucex

Eski said:


> Is there something behide it?, like some sort of therapist technique to bond with a person?.
> 
> Let me explain what my therapist/s have been doing/did.
> 
> So on my first session meeting them, we sat down and i leaned forward, so she leaned forward. I'd smile and she would smile, lick/bite my lips and she'd lick/bite her lips. This is stuff i've literally been mimicked on over so many sessions and its not been in a mocking way or anything.
> 
> Anyway most of it stopped (apart from smiling but its sort of natural to smile back when someones smiling at you) until today when she started copying my eye contact (i'm sure most of you can relate) so when i'd look at her she'd look down and away, like what i do myself.
> 
> It gave me some very strong mixed signals but i'm trying to be realistic here and see that theres some reason behide why shes mimicking my actions and behavior. I've become so socially retarded that i can't tell if this is just normal bonding techniques that normal people do everday or if shes trying to manipulate me so she can get me to be more open.


do you want advise on how to f--- with her mind in return? ;]


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## Eski

> If it's countertransference, and she has a crush on you, also tell her you're uncomfortable.


Wait, wouldn't countertransference be a good thing?. She can transference on me all she wants :b



> do you want advise on how to f--- with her mind in return? ;]


Go for it, i could do with some good ideas because its on now!.


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## NotAnExit

> Wait, wouldn't countertransference be a good thing?. She can transference on me all she wants :bQUOTE]
> 
> Lol! niiice.. now _that_ would be a confidence booster huh


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## Eski

And something i could do with to be fair, my confidence is in the - right now.


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## niacin

You should start rubbing your chest vigorously, and when she mimics you, stand up and say, "I find your behavior very unprofessional. Good day."


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## Eski

> "I find your behavior very unprofessional. Good day."


Lol i read that is a willy wonka voice. Good day ms!, then walk out.


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