# why is intelligence soooooo attractive



## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Ah man, I have such a thing for smart guys... its a double whammy if he's attractive and intelligent..then im just slayed completely XD

but yah.. Im not the brightest lol.. but I just love learning from knowledgeable people  its amazing how can learn from them


Idk a black,mixed, Hispanic man that's just a well of information draws me like a moth to a flame....


^_^ lol


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## Fat Man (Nov 28, 2013)

I admire intelligent people, however I'd prefer to date someone who is just as intelligent as me.


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## Akashic Records (Mar 20, 2015)

I considered this and concluded that I don't really care that much about brain power actually. A girl could have a very high or very low intelligence and that would not be interesting in regards to attraction.

Rather, personality and wisdom, honesty and kindness are really interesting characteristics to me.


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## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

NanoStar SOUL said:


> I admire intelligent people, however I'd prefer to date someone who is just as intelligent as me.


I have thought this way for myself too, but I think it's not intelligence but more so different areas that someone is more knowledgeable in.
For example, I don't care to discuss politics, yet I shouldn't feel less intelligent than someone who has interest in it - it's just not something I keep informed about. It's boring to me. But some people over-hearing someone discussing politics might think they are very intelligent. :roll

I also like people who know what they are talking about rather than book knowledge. Some one down to earth and open.

I have a very close friend who is very analytic and technical -- will even google things to prove a point (drives me crazy) -- but doesn't have a lot of life experience -- so it's very hard to talk to someone who doesn't understand certain things, even though he's very intelligent.

...kind of rambled on ._.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

It's not when they like to be a smart ***.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Idk. Since I'm not intelligence I don't really care.


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## NadineKite06 (Apr 6, 2015)

Ditto the different areas. DH is great at math and I don't have the attention span for it, but his grammar is lacking and I'm always correcting him. The ability to hold an intelligent conversation (and common sense) mean more to me than test scores - but he has those, too. haha


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Arteriax said:


> Same but they're difficult to deal with, and the intelligence I find attractive is hard to gauge. People can be talented in an area or several, but then the rest of their thought process is relatively normal, whereas some, *the gift cannot be separated from the personality (usually idiosyncratic) which I find quite special. Like, what they have is their whole world, as compared to someone just bred into being talented*.


I think I know what you're trying to say... but I still dont understand what I placed in bold..
Like being knowledgeable in only certain areas and acting,thinking and behaving like a normal (insert age group here)

I really don't understand this part: " the gift cannot be seperated from the personality which I find quite special. Like , what they have is their world, as compared to someone just bred into being talented"


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

It's less about intelligence in the bookish sense and more about their intellectual depth which can be demonstrated without a deep body of actual knowledge.

In the end, it comes down to respect. It's difficult to form a meaningful relationship with someone you don't respect and their intellect is a part of that.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

It isn't. It only seems to be on a superficial level.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

RiversEdge said:


> I have thought this way for myself too, but I think it's not intelligence but more so different areas that someone is more knowledgeable in.
> *For example, I don't care to discuss politics, yet I shouldn't feel less intelligent than someone who has interest in it - it's just not something I keep informed about. It's boring to me. But some people over-hearing someone discussing politics might think they are very intelligent.* :roll
> 
> I also like people who know what they are talking about rather than book knowledge. Some one down to earth and open.
> ...


Your rambling is just fine ^__^ thats what we do on forums..

I can relate to not caring for certain subjects and feeling that shoudlnt disqualify us from being considered intelligent... seeing as everyone has different things that pique their interest. I don't think there's one person that interested in every subject this world has to offer.

How would you gauge some one who "knws what theyre talking about rather than just possesing book smarts?"

and I guess Im like your friend..I don't have lot of life experience at all lol


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

KyleInSTL said:


> *It's less about intelligence in the bookish sense and more about their intellectual depth which can be demonstrated without a deep body of actual knowledge.
> *
> In the end, it comes down to respect. It's difficult to form a meaningful relationship with someone you don't respect and their intellect is a part of that.


Can you explain that please


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

NanoStar SOUL said:


> I admire intelligent people, however I'd prefer to date someone who is just as intelligent as me.


Yah I feel intimidated by someone who's smarter than me lol;

I feel they might be jugding me like; this broad is hella dumb..on to the next lol

that would crush my spirit.


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## SofaKing (May 9, 2014)

Sugarslippers said:


> Can you explain that please


While I know that the dictionary provides a broader definition of intelligence, I've always seen it more popularly referring to someones knowledge of tacit information and I've seen intellect to be the broader capacity for individuals to reason through concepts even without direct tacit knowledge.

As such, someone that you can interact with discussing philosophically on a broad array of subjects, some of which you are the subject matter expert and some of which they are, allows for mutual growth both of shared tacit knowledge mutual enrichment.

In very short, you aren't solely attracted to what someone knows, but how they challenge you intellectually.


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## Steinerz (Jul 15, 2013)

I like nerdy girls. They are fun


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

KyleInSTL said:


> While I know that the dictionary provides a broader definition of intelligence, I've always seen it more popularly referring to someones knowledge of tacit information and I've seen intellect to be the broader capacity for individuals to reason through concepts even without direct tacit knowledge.
> 
> As such, someone that you can interact with discussing philosophically on a broad array of subjects, some of which you are the subject matter expert and some of which they are, allows for mutual growth both of shared tacit knowledge mutual enrichment.
> 
> In very short, you aren't solely attracted to what someone knows, but how they challenge you intellectually.


I feel youre right abt the last part... I think its the challenge i like... someone inspiring me to be better.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

Because everyone loves a big nerdy baby with a big head :/


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## PathologicalSigher (Mar 22, 2015)

Apparently, OKCupid lists "sapiosexual" as a possible option for sexual orientation. I had no clue what "sapiosexual" even meant, and it's my policy that if I have to google a girl's sexual orientation, then I'm not interested. Anyway, "sapiosexual" apparently means sexual attraction to intelligence and intelligent people. This makes no sense to me. I can completely understand being drawn to intelligent people since intelligence can be a very appealing quality...but *sexually* appealing? I can't remember the last time a woman's intelligence gave me a b**er.


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## i just want luv (Feb 13, 2011)

Pi = 3.1415926535897932384626433832'79502884197169'3993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489549303'8196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339'36072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094330572'70365759'5919530'921861173819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527248912279381830119491298336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171'7'6'29317675238467481846766940513200'0...

Fear us.


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

Intelligence has more to do with compatibility than attraction. People with similar intellects can develop a kinship which can strengthen their bond. We all want to feel valued in a relationship so it’s natural to gravitate to someone we consider an ‘equal’. 

I’m sure your very smart “PaRappa”. Next time you see someone you find attractive try to go up and talk to him. 

“YOU JUST GOTTA TO BELIEVE!”


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

UnderdogWins said:


> Intelligence has more to do with compatibility than attraction. People with similar intellects can develop a kinship which can strengthen their bond. We all want to feel valued in a relationship so it's natural to gravitate to someone we consider an 'equal'.
> 
> I'm sure your very smart "PaRappa". Next time you see someone you find attractive try to go up and talk to him.
> 
> "YOU JUST GOTTA TO BELIEVE!"


Lol...idk the dude i liked.. i felt like i had rocks in my head when we conversed lol
that made me feel uncomfortable ..lol... yet he said he loves talking to me... were close blah..but he doesnt call...txt..ect...-__-

sooo idk... he was def out of my league.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

LMAO; 


I gotta believe XDDDDDDD


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> Lol...idk the dude i liked.. i felt like i had rocks in my head when we conversed lol
> that made me feel uncomfortable ..lol... yet he said he loves talking to me... were close blah..but he doesnt call...txt..ect...-__-
> 
> sooo idk... he was def out of my league.


 I would recommend you try to ask him out for coffee (or activity/movie/bowling/etc). It seems like you like this guy and want to get to know him a little better. He said to you that "*he loves talking to you*" so you have some bond. Maybe he is shy and doesn't have the courage to initiate via text message or date.

As for feeling like you have 'rocks in your head' I'm going to attribute that to nerves. Just like having 'butterflies in your stomach'. Once you gotten more comfortable those feelings could vanish.

I just think you should try to initiate. It may not work out romantically but maybe you could make a friend. Or it could work out romantically and you fall madly in love with one another.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

UnderdogWins said:


> I would recommend you try to ask him out for coffee (or activity/movie/bowling/etc). It seems like you like this guy and want to get to know him a little better. He said to you that "*he loves talking to you*" so you have some bond. Maybe he is shy and doesn't have the courage to initiate via text message or date.
> 
> As for feeling like you have 'rocks in your head' I'm going to attribute that to nerves. Just like having 'butterflies in your stomach'. Once you gotten more comfortable those feelings could vanish.
> 
> I just think you should try to initiate. It may not work out romantically but maybe you could make a friend. Or it could work out romantically and you fall madly in love with one another.


Ive known him since january and he already has a gf..but he might dump her soon(b/c he thought she was this and this) but she wasn't..
plus he's kinda bold.. if he was into me he woulda aske me out already..and u can tell by body langauage someone likes you..lol
and we are just friends ..and always will be lol...

but thanks tho


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## Conviction07 (Aug 23, 2013)

There's nothing hotter than an attractive girl reading a book.


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## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

Sugarslippers said:


> Your rambling is just fine ^__^ thats what we do on forums..
> 
> I can relate to not caring for certain subjects and feeling that shoudlnt disqualify us from being considered intelligent... seeing as everyone has different things that pique their interest. I don't think there's one person that interested in every subject this world has to offer.
> 
> ...


Thanks Sugarslippers. 
I'll give an example, gauging the difference between life experience (wisdom) and book knowledge --- "A woman goes to a shelter to seek help from an abusive relationship. She has to be counseled on her situation, the woman doing the counseling has never been through any thing like that herself, she has only read about it or been taught about it. She goes over check lists and repeats answers that she was instructed to reply.
The woman there seeking help feels extremely lonely and trampled. 
-- this same woman meets another counselor who has survived an abusive marriage -- is now a healthy, strong person and has taken up this type of counseling to help women who have gone through similar situations. --- She listens more intently to this abused woman. Her heart feels for her. She knows her weaknesses and the mental state she is in. She knows the ins and outs and the whys that no one else can seem to understand. When she answers, you can hear the sincerity in her voice and she gives wise answers.
The other counselor who has just book knowledge looks down on the abused ladies in the shelter, she could never understand why they would 'allow' such things to happen in their lives -- and those she is around can feel this attitude."

So that was a more extreme example, but it can be in reference to anyone in our lives. I used a counselor because this occurs all the time. 
People are working in these fields and they have no personal experience whatsoever....
Look at people who have never had anxiety - they are quick to tell that person "it's all in your head" where a person who has or has had it, understands.

My thing is, when I have a problem, any problem -- I want to talk to someone who can relate. 
(I will note that my friend, who doesn't have a lot of life experiences, is a good listener and shows care, which is helpful and I'm grateful for that)

ok, NOW you can agree that I rambled. 
I don't know why I do that.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

RiversEdge said:


> Thanks Sugarslippers.
> I'll give an example, gauging the difference between life experience (wisdom) and book knowledge --- "A woman goes to a shelter to seek help from an abusive relationship. She has to be counseled on her situation, the woman doing the counseling has never been through any thing like that herself, she has only read about it or been taught about it. She goes over check lists and repeats answers that she was instructed to reply.
> The woman there seeking help feels extremely lonely and trampled.
> -- this same woman meets another counselor who has survived an abusive marriage -- is now a healthy, strong person and has taken up this type of counseling to help women who have gone through similar situations. --- She listens more intently to this abused woman. Her heart feels for her. She knows her weaknesses and the mental state she is in. She knows the ins and outs and the whys that no one else can seem to understand. When she answers, you can hear the sincerity in her voice and she gives wise answers.
> ...


 Okay I see now, I definetly understand more clearly.. and again your "rambling " is fine.. infact I loved the example you used it definitely hit home (my mom used to work in a shelter for abused battered women..tho she was sympathetic..she didn't have the empathy t truly relate and tried to help as best she could...) 
I understand how someone who's been in your shows can relate more

and guess I can see how personal wisdom/street smarts coud be a little more appealing then book knowledge...


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Is it odd that I'm sometimes partial to the idea of dating someone less intelligent than myself? Not because I want to manipulate them or anything like that, but because I want a simpler relationship.

My head is always in a perpetual whirl. It never stops thinking, pondering, analyzing; I feel like being in a relationship with someone who was the same way would just make my head spin even faster.

I want something stable in my life. Something as slow and patient as plate tectonic shift. Something that will ground me in the simple facts of existence instead of always tossing me up into the stratosphere of intellectual abstractions.

But then other times I wonder what we'd talk about. :|


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

I would like a partner that has a similar intelligence level as me. I don't know if we could really connect if she was a super genius or something like that. I'd be open to try if other factors are there, but just as long as she is able to speak intelligently on some issues or topics now and then would be okay. 

But gauging intelligence can kind of tricky. Like she might be a math whiz but have no common sense or maybe she knows all about politics but I couldn't really care less about that.


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

I like pancakes too.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Sugarslippers said:


> Idk a black,mixed, Hispanic man that's just a well of information draws me like a moth to a flame....
> 
> ^_^ lol


Haha if you were a guy saying that about a woman you'd sound really creepy


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## RiversEdge (Aug 21, 2011)

Sugarslippers said:


> Okay I see now, I definetly understand more clearly.. and again your "rambling " is fine.. infact I loved the example you used it definitely hit home (my mom used to work in a shelter for abused battered women..tho she was sympathetic..she didn't have the empathy t truly relate and tried to help as best she could...)
> I understand how someone who's been in your shows can relate more
> 
> and guess I can see how personal wisdom/street smarts coud be a little more appealing then book knowledge...


Well, you know - women like your mom gained experience from working with women in that situation over and over -- and not being judgmental of them.
I'm sure she is very caring and helpful.

Thanks for replying back, and for reading allllllll that I wrote ._.
I enjoyed it.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

vicente said:


> Haha if you were a guy saying that about a woman you'd sound really creepy


B/c I find intelligence attractive?

didn't make lewd comments..so I don't see how that would be seen as creepy : /


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## Mada (Apr 19, 2015)

I don't always think intelligence is the thing that's really attractive, but for me more people who are open-minded and willing to learn new things.

I find people that are passionate about their interests and open to listen to others are the most attractive, luckily I've found a few people as friends like that at uni


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Sugarslippers said:


> B/c I find intelligence attractive?


no because you compared yourself to a moth going to a flame.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

vicente said:


> no because you compared yourself to a moth going to a flame.


1) they're lyrics to a song Janet's that's the way love goes... peep it sometime

and

2) its not creepy.. I didn't use lwed ,graphic or vulgar language...

i think you might have a few issues lol


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## Skeletra (Aug 30, 2012)

I used to date a highly intelligent guy. 2 masters degrees. Straight A student. 
He used to rub it in.
At Christmas he'd give me colouring books, or connect the dot books.
He would make me do crossword puzzles and laugh when I got stuck. And he would often tell me that I should avoid saying stupid things. He had some problems reading expressions and didn't understand how this would be annoying.

Being intelligent doesn't mean they are nice.
Now I value street smarts way higher than book smarts.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

i find pragmatism WAY more sexy than intelligence. some people just have this... they use their imagination rather than just using things in the prescribed way you've been taught to use it. i like that.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

vicente said:


> no because you compared yourself to a moth going to a flame.


Yeah saying that you're drawn to intelligence like a moth to a flame isn't creepy at all, nor would it have been if a guy said it except in the minds of... Well a special kind of person who thinks guys talking about women period is creepy.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Such girls must exist out there. Math is telling you that. Yet, I have never seen any of them till this point. So they remain a myth to me.


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## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

Sugarslippers said:


> Ah man, I have such a thing for smart guys... its a double whammy if he's attractive and intelligent..then im just slayed completely XD
> 
> but yah.. Im not the brightest lol.. but I just love learning from knowledgeable people  its amazing how can learn from them
> 
> ...


Compensation for you're 'not being the brightest'?


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## bad baby (Jun 10, 2013)

It's not intelligence in and of itself that is attractive to me. It's receptivity to new ideas, willingness to expand one's limited perspectives, etc.

I grew up around some very intelligent people. They are obnoxious. They don't know what they don't know and don't care to, either. The result of which from a young age I'd decided I would rather be with someone who is dumb as a bag of rocks, as long as they cared about my feelings. Nowadays I hold less steadfastly to this view, but a willingness to be supportive, to laugh at yourself, to put yourself in others' shoes - those things will always be far, far sexier than a good brain in my book.


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## vicente (Nov 10, 2003)

Sugarslippers said:


> 1) they're lyrics to a song Janet's that's the way love goes... peep it sometime
> 
> and
> 
> ...


We all have issues. If we didn't, we wouldn't be on this forum. In other words, you have mental problems.

As I said, I'm not saying you're creepy. It's very hard for a woman to be seen as creepy.

Imagine a guy who you don't like, and aren't attracted to at all. Let's say he's known to be a drug dealer who tortures cats. One day he comes up to you and says that he's drawn to you like a moth to a flame. You wouldn't be creeped out if it came out of the blue?


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

vicente said:


> We all have issues. If we didn't, we wouldn't be on this forum. In other words, you have mental problems.
> 
> As I said, I'm not saying you're creepy. It's very hard for a woman to be seen as creepy.
> 
> Imagine a guy who you don't like, and aren't attracted to at all. Let's say he's known to be a drug dealer who tortures cats. One day he comes up to you and says that he's drawn to you like a moth to a flame. You wouldn't be creeped out if it came out of the blue?


id be creeped out by the fact he tortures cats and is a drug dealer.. but the phase itself isn't creepy to me...

In fact if the right guy said it (one I liked) it would make me melt a bit ^^

Oh and girls can be creepy... no matter how beautiful your appearance maybe... if you have no friends, are always alone, get dropped off and picked up by a parent lol

that gives off a creepy, intimidating vibe

Im soooooo glad I made a few friends this semester...idk how the next is gonna go >.o


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

Skeletra said:


> I used to date a highly intelligent guy. 2 masters degrees. Straight A student.
> He used to rub it in.
> At Christmas he'd give me colouring books, or connect the dot books.
> He would make me do crossword puzzles and laugh when I got stuck. And he would often tell me that I should avoid saying stupid things. He had some problems reading expressions and didn't understand how this would be annoying.
> ...


 *I hope you gave him a swift kick in the ***.*


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## UnderdogWins (Apr 9, 2015)

Sugarslippers said:


> Oh and girls can be creepy... no matter how beautiful your appearance maybe...


 That's true. *I have met some unique women in my time*. I was even stalked by one girl to my car for awhile which was sort of weird. Considering if she wanted to talk to me there were better opportunities to try to initiate a conversation.

(Suggarslippers you statement was not creepy. The only way it would be creepy is if you said it to the guy you liked and then proceed to laugh evilly--for some time)


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## flarf (May 13, 2010)

bad baby said:


> It's not intelligence in and of itself that is attractive to me. It's receptivity to new ideas, willingness to expand one's limited perspectives, etc.
> 
> I grew up around some very intelligent people. They are obnoxious. They don't know what they don't know and don't care to, either. The result of which from a young age I'd decided I would rather be with someone who is dumb as a bag of rocks, as long as they cared about my feelings. Nowadays I hold less steadfastly to this view, but a willingness to be supportive, to laugh at yourself, to put yourself in others' shoes - those things will always be far, far sexier than a good brain in my book.


wow SAME

i think i like it when people are smart dumb


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## Akashic Records (Mar 20, 2015)

bad baby said:


> It's not intelligence in and of itself that is attractive to me. It's receptivity to new ideas, willingness to expand one's limited perspectives, etc.
> 
> I grew up around some very intelligent people. They are obnoxious. They don't know what they don't know and don't care to, either. The result of which from a young age I'd decided I would rather be with someone who is dumb as a bag of rocks, as long as they cared about my feelings. Nowadays I hold less steadfastly to this view, but a willingness to be supportive, to laugh at yourself, to put yourself in others' shoes - those things will always be far, far sexier than a good brain in my book.


I couldn't agree more. Do not respect people for their intelligence. Respect people for their willingness to care for others and consideration of perspectives other than their own.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

If you've ever met someone that's really physically attractive but that is rather dumb or slow or ill informed that part of their character can totally detract from and even overule their physical qualities. That's been my experience anyway


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## SouthernTom (Jul 19, 2014)

I downt no, gurls jus seam two bee transficksed buy us inteligent guise.

I am supa cleva yew no. Eny off yew gurls wanna dayt?


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Sugarslippers said:


> Ah man, I have such a thing for smart guys... its a double whammy if he's attractive and intelligent..then im just slayed completely XD
> 
> ^_^ lol


Oh, hi:b.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Akashic Records said:


> I couldn't agree more. Do not respect people for their intelligence. Respect people for their willingness to care for others and consideration of perspectives other than their own.


I concur with this, I'm pretty freakin stupid, yet I possess enough wisdom to know I'd only want to spend the rest of my life with a girl with a genuinely kind heart.


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## Alas Babylon (Aug 28, 2012)

The general rule is that there are a lot of different kinds of intelligence, and just because somebody is 'smart' it won't stop them from being an absolute dumbass.

Still, I understand what you mean. There are people who do well at tests and assignments, but as soon as you try and engage with them on a topic or discussion, it's as if they're an impotent fish out of water who can barely breath, let alone be passionate.

Then there are people who are passionate about what they talk about. Those people are a blast.



Skeletra said:


> I used to date a highly intelligent guy. 2 masters degrees. Straight A student.
> He used to rub it in.
> At Christmas he'd give me colouring books, or connect the dot books.
> He would make me do crossword puzzles and laugh when I got stuck. And he would often tell me that I should avoid saying stupid things. He had some problems reading expressions and didn't understand how this would be annoying.
> ...


For someone who is apparently 'intelligent', he sounds like a massive sh*thead.


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## Pseudo Lone Wolf (Jun 14, 2013)

I think it is rather someone's perception than real intelligence. It is some form of idealization. Very common with us humans. After some sort of relationship experience I started calling it the paradox of admiration :

If you admire someone for being smarter than you it can be fake or superficial. It is probably your imagination for the most part. There is no way you can assess someone's smartness higher than you. If you are smart enough to assess it then you should not be impressed in the first place. Women in general just have a need to be with a guy that they perceive to be superior to them. I think they use the psychological process of idealization as a result of this.

Idealization is a very interesting concept that I think about a lot. It is so common. I use it myself a lot.


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## MildSA (Sep 29, 2014)

Malek said:


> I concur with this, I'm pretty freakin stupid, yet I possess enough wisdom to know I'd only want to spend the rest of my life with a girl with a genuinely kind heart.


You can be attracted to intelligence but that doesn't mean you necessarily want to spend your life w/ a person that's just intelligent & has nothing else to offer.


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