# Therapist gave up on me



## er52 (Aug 17, 2008)

This was a long time ago, but it is really bothering me lately. I don't know that she gave up on me, but my guess is that is what it was. I went in one day after getting out of the hospital and she said it would be our last. I was too upset at the time to remember what happened. I tried emailing her to ask why she did it, but she said she "couldn't" help me. I then had my current therapist talk to her and she said it was because I wasn't doing my homework, but I was doing 90% of it. It was difficult because she had facts confused and since it wasn't a conversation that I was allowed to be in, I couldn't correct her. She was also confused why I was upset about being rejected by her. We worked together for 3 years. I tried to get my records, but they wouldn't give them to me. They said all I could get was dates and times I went. I can't concentrate on anything else right now including homework and it is really starting to be a problem. I have gone back and read some of my emails from that time, but I think it is making things worse because it is making me angry about other things she did, like call my parents on me even though I was an adult and then having them come get me then forcing me to leave so that they could talk about me together. I wrote her another email last week saying how I felt about all these things, but she hasn't responded and I don't think she will, which upsets me more. I've tried so many things to get over this, but I can't seem to and my current therapist doesn't have anymore ideas. I don't have any drive to do anything anymore and I'm in four summer classes with a lot of work. I wish I had never gone to see her in the first place since all she did was traumatize me and not help me that much. I know I'm being obsessive, but I don't know how to stop.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

Any therapist that EVER gives up on their patient is not a good therapist! I've been through manic episodes, deep depression where I did NOTHING we talked about me doing that week or the week after months. When I went in each week she was patient, compassionate, and understanding and she just listened and let me cry till I was ready to give things a go again.

This has happened multiple times over the 5 years I've seen her. Sometimes it's just me not being motivated. She has NEVER given up on me.

Edit: Your therapist should be educated in her field well enough to understand there is always an underlying issue. Even if you weren't doing your homework as you say, there's a reason. Even if it's "just" anxiety. She should have had compassion and patience and BELIEF in you that you would eventually try more or even that you were doing your best at 90% for the moment.

It was your therapist, not you.

If it was me I'd stop emailing her and move on.


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## er52 (Aug 17, 2008)

Starcut83 said:


> Any therapist that EVER gives up on their patient is not a good therapist! I've been through manic episodes, deep depression where I did NOTHING we talked about me doing that week or the week after months. When I went in each week she was patient, compassionate, and understanding and she just listened and let me cry till I was ready to give things a go again.
> 
> This has happened multiple times over the 5 years I've seen her. Sometimes it's just me not being motivated. She has NEVER given up on me.
> 
> It was your therapist, not you.


It's hard not to feel rejected, fundamentally broken, confused, angry, depressed, and a lot of other feelings when someone you were so vulnerable with and the first person who you really trusted in years, just says sorry, see you. I try not to take it personally, but I just can't, especially since I will never get the answers I crave. I am reading about the ethics of termination in class and it keeps reminding me of it. I just can't seem to get over it and I have no idea what else to try.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

er52 said:


> It's hard not to feel rejected, fundamentally broken, confused, angry, depressed, and a lot of other feelings when someone you were so vulnerable with and the first person who you really trusted in years, just says sorry, see you. I try not to take it personally, but I just can't, especially since I will never get the answers I crave. I am reading about the ethics of termination in class and it keeps reminding me of it. I just can't seem to get over it and I have no idea what else to try.


I totally understand. We form a bond with our therapist and it can feel like losing someone you're very close with. Especially with social anxiety when we probably aren't close or vulnerable with many people.

I know in my past the only person I talked to 99% of the time for years was my therapist. This was a past therapist. I saw her for seven years. I wasn't rejected though, I'm sorry about that it must hurt like hell because it hurt just to say goodbye on good terms.

Don't feel pressured to answer but did you have feelings for her? It's not uncommon and makes it ten times more painful.

I hope you can find a better therapist and move on at some point.


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## er52 (Aug 17, 2008)

Starcut83 said:


> I totally understand. We form a bond with our therapist and it can feel like losing someone you're very close with. Especially with social anxiety when we probably aren't close or vulnerable with many people.
> 
> I know in my past the only person I talked to 99% of the time for years was my therapist. This was a past therapist. I saw her for seven years. I wasn't rejected though, I'm sorry about that it must hurt like hell because it hurt just to say goodbye on good terms.
> 
> ...


No, I didn't have feelings for her, other than wishing she was my sister or something. It does feel like a break up, but even that I feel I should be over 8 years later. She just was my everything at that time and then I went around trying to find a new therapist and kept getting rejected, then I tried to kill myself, so I don't know if its just bringing up a very painful time in my life that I haven't processed and grieved for or if I just can't let things go, which is also a problem for me in general.


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## Starcut83 (Feb 13, 2021)

er52 said:


> No, I didn't have feelings for her, other than wishing she was my sister or something. It does feel like a break up, but even that I feel I should be over 8 years later. She just was my everything at that time and then I went around trying to find a new therapist and kept getting rejected, then I tried to kill myself, so I don't know if its just bringing up a very painful time in my life that I haven't processed and grieved for or if I just can't let things go, which is also a problem for me in general.


That's rough. Yeah it's still heartbreak even if it's not romantic, it's love and it hurts when it's gone. Especially if it feels like it's been ripped away from us.

I hope you can process and let it go with time. Don't want to presume anything but it's okay to cry and just feel, not analyze, just feel and let it go.

Edit: Acceptance is also an important part of grieving. Sometimes it's hard to face the reality that something has come to an end. Acceptance helps let go.

It's good to balance things out while processing heavy emotions so you don't get stuck in them by doing something you find fun or enjoyable when not processing. Gradually distance yourself from the obsessive thoughts.

Just breathe and stay strong.


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