# Is falling in love really that important?



## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

I'm beginning to wonder if romantic love really is all that important. Our culture glorifies fairytale endings and such, but I was just reading something about how in Japan they didn't really have the concept of romantic love until the 19th century. Not that it didn't exist at all, it just wasn't considered important. So maybe it's all relative. Maybe it's possible to have a good life without romantic love and there are other ways to be happy.


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## TrcyMcgrdy1 (Oct 21, 2011)

I read some research saying that falling in love and being with one partner for life is actual biologically bad. All creatures are supposed to try and mate with as many different partners as they can to have as many offspring as possible to ensure the survival of their species. However, because our technology is so advanced and noone dies off and we save basically everyone, even the ones who would naturally die, our population grows way too fast. Maybe falling in love is a good thing because we don't have so many children, and of course, it feels all warm and fuzzy inside!!!! I read this yahoo article a while back about some ghetto dude who had 21 or something children with 8 different women...jeeeezzzussss. With no predators to eat the children and the government supporting them, they have a 100% survibal rate unlike every other specie's offspring.


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

Short answer: No ... 10 points please.

Oh sh-- wait, this isn't yahoo answers.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

I don't give a **** about romantic love.


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## Secretly Pretentious (Dec 18, 2011)

Personally, I don't think it's all that important in and of itself. However, people glorify it so much, that you're bound to feel inadequate if you don't have it. People expect you to have some sort of relationship experience, and when you don't, they assume something is horribly wrong with you (and treat you like a leper because of it).


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very, very extraordinary, E, is even more than anyone that you adore!

Love is the mightiest of all mighty treasures in this world! Love is the only thing that keeps us alive! Love is what makes the world go round! Who can live without love? A life without love is not worth living!


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

calichick said:


> L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very, very extraordinary, E, is even more than anyone that you adore!
> 
> Love is the mightiest of all mighty treasures in this world! Love is the only thing that keeps us alive! Love is what makes the world go round! Who can live without love? A life without love is not worth living!


...Wait, wait...Weren't you the one that wanted to have an a--- NVM.


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## NatureFellow (Jun 14, 2011)

No it's not important at all, sometimes I question why this sub forum is even here. People around my level of SA are not really in a phase of their life where they would want a relationship to be honest.

There's far more important things for people like me to concentrate on.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Black And Mild said:


> ...Wait, wait...Weren't you the one that wanted to have an a--- NVM.


me what? I believe in soul mates! I believe in forever after! Love is the only thing I seek to find in this big beautiful world, because that is what matters the most! Why can't everyone just focus on love and having love, and finding love, and more importantly, giving love. Because this is what life is about.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

calichick said:


> L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very, very extraordinary, E, is even more than anyone that you adore!
> 
> Love is the mightiest of all mighty treasures in this world! Love is the only thing that keeps us alive! Love is what makes the world go round! Who can live without love? A life without love is not worth living!


What a beautiful post.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

and why can't you believe in love if you want to have an affair?

What's the problem there?

I don't see anything *but love* there.

Again, making love, having love, giving love. Spreading love. There's no lack of love there, believe me you.

My love has no boundaries, it extends limitless to every man who will accept me.

LOL


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

calichick said:


> and why can't you believe in love if you want to have an affair?
> 
> What's the problem there?
> 
> ...


yech


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

It is definitely a nice thing to experience.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

meeps said:


> yech


Anti love ^

Guys I'm telling you

Love has no boundaries.


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## Trigo (Aug 3, 2012)

calichick said:


> L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very, very extraordinary, E, is even more than anyone that you adore!
> 
> Love is the mightiest of all mighty treasures in this world! Love is the only thing that keeps us alive! Love is what makes the world go round! Who can live without love? A life without love is not worth living!


I'm all for love but this is way too cheesy :b


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

What would happen to the world without love? What would happen to people? It wouldn't function ...


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## Tania I (Jul 22, 2012)

Not important is what i want to believe. Seems all things would be easier that way. 
I think the importance has been carved permanently


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

calichick said:


> me what? I believe in soul mates! I believe in forever after! Love is the only thing I seek to find in this big beautiful world, because that is what matters the most! Why can't everyone just focus on love and having love, and finding love, and more importantly, giving love. Because this is what life is about.


LOl, Calichick is a prime example why people need to be "weened" off of Disney films.:|:|:|:|:|


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

Tania I said:


> Not important is what i want to believe. Seems all things would be easier that way.
> I think the importance has been carved permanently


It would be a lot easier I think, for the most part it just complicates things. I think we could all survive just fine without it.


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## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

I also think there's way too much emphasis on love and romance. I'm not really that romantic, but most women I meet seem to want that perfect fairytale relationship.

I wouldn't turn love away but I'm not sure I'm really looking for it atm. Nice to see a few people feel similar at least.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

No, and it's better not to if one is not well socially adjusted.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

This is a weird subject for me. I think "love" is partially unavoidable no matter how hard you think you are in the inside. You'll be thinking you're rock solid and them BAM! here comes those feelings that you never thought you'd get! For one, "love" is more than a word, but it is a deep attachment mixed with potent "spells" scientists like to call brain chemicals. Your going along fine without any worry in the world and you meet someone who blows your socks off and then all these warm little fuzzies come in your head (chemicals). Now you're falling in love.

Love is simply love. I don't think we can entirely escape it because we are biologically programmed for it; it's inevitable if you socialize long enough.

For me, I haven't been in deep, deep, deep love--the kind that makes me want to kill myself, but I know I'm not bullet proof either. ****, my relationship experience is hardly anything, but I've felt pain in those little experiences alone. Losing love is probably the worst pain of all time, and it is almost unavoidable. I'm definitively naive when it comes to love, I will admit that.

Love is probably relative to being addicted to drugs because it ****s with your mind and at the same time makes you feel good when it is there but bad when it's away. I wish I could say I can overcome it, but I simply don't have enough experience. I'm not sure I want that much of that experience, but it'll come because the position I am putting myself in trying to "perfect" a little dream of a social life.


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## Lil Sebastian (Feb 26, 2012)

I could survive without it, but I wouldn't want to. All of the best moments of my life so far have been as a result of it, be it with another person, or even just falling in love with a piece of art or entertainment. It's also caused some of the lowest lows but it's a fair trade for me. I think this song from a children's show that sounds like it's from a porn soundtrack sums it up well


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I dont think so,never been in love and never will be.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

Freiheit said:


> No, and it's better not to if one is not well socially adjusted.


UNLESS the significant other is also socially handicapped. And relationships like that can either be amazingly successful or a utter disaster depending on how the partners support and lean on one another.


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

calichick said:


> me what? I believe in soul mates! I believe in forever after! Love is the only thing I seek to find in this big beautiful world, because that is what matters the most! Why can't everyone just focus on love and having love, and finding love, and more importantly, giving love. Because this is what life is about.


What? :sus


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## hrnmhmm (Feb 23, 2012)

Terribly obvious that it's not important, but I still have trouble remembering that at times due to cultural brainwashing.

Well, it goes deeper than that. Everyone wants to believe that love and exclusivity are important once they're romantically involved, or sometimes if they're desperate for involvement.

The reverse is also true. When I'm single, I don't want to believe that it matters - because it doesn't - and I find that I need to keep reminding myself of that, lest I become desperate and fall back into a fallacious trance.


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## ben88 (Jul 4, 2012)

It's part of humanity - it's biological. Humans require social relationships. Why else is isolation used as a punishment?


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## hrnmhmm (Feb 23, 2012)

Love exists as surely as emotions do, but romantic love is, by definition, glorified. People take this idea and are lulled into thinking that exaggerating the importance of the relationships in their lives to the point of depreciating other interests is okay. Doing so may be statistically normal, but it is unwise.


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

theseventhkey said:


> LOl, Calichick is a prime example why people need to be "weened" off of Disney films.:|:|:|:|:|


Yes for sure. Especially the Disney film about the little girl who screwed the married man twice her age.

Pocahontas was it?

lmao


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## Dane (Jul 27, 2009)

I think it depends on the person. Some can do fine without it. 

For me it's the only reason to be in a relationship. Without it I will remain (mostly) happily single.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

calichick said:


> Yes for sure. Especially the Disney film about the little girl who screwed the married man twice her age.
> 
> Pocahontas was it?
> 
> lmao


Don't get me started on that one. lol.


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

EternallyRestless said:


> I'm beginning to wonder if romantic love really is all that important. Our culture glorifies fairytale endings and such, but I was just reading something about how in Japan they didn't really have the concept of romantic love until the 19th century. Not that it didn't exist at all, it just wasn't considered important. So maybe it's all relative. Maybe it's possible to have a good life without romantic love and there are other ways to be happy.


It depends on what type of romantic love you are talking about, Hollywood love or genuine love. If it's the former then I agree, the whole fairytale ending, etc thing that Hollywood and the media tries to shove down our throat is BS, by definition loving relationship brings both happiness and pain. However, if it's the latter, I think anyone who doesn't at least attempt to find it is doing themselves a disservice. It's the one of the few experiences of life that shouldn't be passed over lightly, in my opinion. That said, I doubt anyone can avoid it fully, it will sneak up on you at least once.


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

shnbwmn said:


> UNLESS the significant other is also socially handicapped. And relationships like that can either be amazingly successful or a utter disaster depending on how the partners support and lean on one another.


Yeah but the odds that it's someone with SA or social problems are very small, at least where I live.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

EternallyRestless said:


> I'm beginning to wonder if romantic love really is all that important. Our culture glorifies fairytale endings and such, but I was just reading something about how in Japan they didn't really have the concept of romantic love until the 19th century. Not that it didn't exist at all, it just wasn't considered important. So maybe it's all relative. Maybe it's possible to have a good life without romantic love and there are other ways to be happy.


I think it can be, but it is not something I want to focus on - I just don't need the emotional upheaval right now. I have too much drama around me.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I think it's very important, and finding it is basically my main goal.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

Yes, I am looking forward to falling in love for the first time. In high school I thought I was in love but it was just extremely intense infatuation. Since I've been able to get girls I have not fallen in love, but I am excited at the prospect.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

rymo said:


> Yes, I am looking forward to falling in love for the first time. In high school I thought I was in love but it was just extremely intense infatuation. Since I've been able to get girls I have not fallen in love, but I am excited at the prospect.


It's the best man.


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

I would be more excited about the idea if I wasn't aware of just how unbelievably fragile it is.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

I believe love is important if you seek it, but it shouldn't be the only thing that defines you, or even the main thing that defines you. 

And love from your family and friends is just as important as relationship love.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

I dont have any form of love,nobody loves me and thats a fact.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

yes, it is important to fall in love. by doing so one learns what real love is really about. doing so puts so many other things into proper perspective. it can help one learn one's own priorities. Like many other life experiences.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

I don't trust a single thing "cali chick" posts. Beware, she is an extreme narcissist. (What a sad, empty life.)


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Rufus said:


> I don't trust a single thing "cali chick" posts. Beware, she is an extreme narcissist. (What a sad, empty life.)


You said it, not me!


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I don't believe in love anymore. I think men and women love in different ways and it's largely hypnotising, duping each other and projecting things we imagine they are or want them to be on to them. Like Jacques Fresco said (maybe not exact quote) 'Do we really 'love' everything about someone when we love them? We love parts of them. We may 'love' someone but we don't love their bigotry'.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

low said:


> I don't believe in love anymore. I think men and women love in different ways and it's largely hypnotising, duping each other and projecting things we imagine they are or want them to be on to them. Like Jacques Fresco said (maybe not exact quote) 'Do we really 'love' everything about someone when we love them? We love parts of them. We may 'love' someone but we don't love their bigotry'.


Yeah, I've been thinking about this lately and questioning the "sickness" love tends to bring and if it is something to cherish or avoid. Love is a selfish thing and it signifies an extreme need or desire for a part of someone/something (mainly a feeling)--I'm not so sure this is healthy and it may signify weakness. Seriously.

But then again, like the link says on the page at the bottom, love isn't supposed to be painful? I guess there may be two different kinds of love: selfish and selfless. Idk, I'm still learning...

I guess love is also a giving not just taking, so I don't think I am seeing two sides of the story atm...


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, I've been thinking about this lately and questioning the "sickness" love tends to bring and if it is something to cherish or avoid. Love is a selfish thing and it *signifies an extreme need or desire for a part of someone/something* (mainly a feeling)--*I'm not so sure this is healthy and it may signify weakness.* Seriously.


Yeah. Something like that. I'm still working parts of it out. It depressed me a while back when I started thinking about it.

I'm thinking along the codependency lines as well when you mention the emboldened part.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

low said:


> Yeah. Something like that. I'm still working parts of it out. It depressed me a while back when I started thinking about it.
> 
> I'm thinking along the codependency lines as well when you mention the emboldened part.


I guess if I were to try and boil it down, I would say that if you are insecure and seeking validation then this isn't healthy love. I think healthy love is when you are secure enough in yourself to give as well as receive and your partner the same. If you get that need to be clingy or obsessive or lonely or insecure or w/e, then I don't think that is healthy love. It may not be avoidable at times but it shouldn't rule your relationship either. But it is a tough one to say being I haven't had much experience...


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rufus said:


> I don't trust a single thing "cali chick" posts. Beware, she is an extreme narcissist. (What a sad, empty life.)


What's there to trust? I'm not stating some universal truth, just my opinion.

You don't need to 'trust' anything I say, why would anyone need to do that?

Unless they didn't have a brain to begin with.

Which judging from some people's lack of a sarcasm meter, wouldn't be so surprising.

And by the way, saying my life is sad and empty is just about insulting everyone else on this board, because I have a pretty damn good life.

Not bragging or anything. Just thought you all should know. It's nice to be me.


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## Andre (Feb 27, 2004)

calichick said:


> What's there to trust? I'm not stating some universal truth, just my opinion.
> 
> You don't need to 'trust' anything I say, why would anyone need to do that?
> 
> ...


I had not intended to insult you, but rather to state a truth that ought to be recognized by everyone. I empathize with you because I have the gift of empathizing with everyone, whether I want to or not. The reason you post the manipulative sh.t that you do is because you are an extreme narcissist, starved for validation of a false self. I will ignore further posts by you, and suggest others do as well. I understand it's a psychological disorder, and really, I empathize, but it's wrong to fcuk with others' emotions for perceived personal gain.

So you don't believe in love, so what. No sh.t that was sarcasm.

(She's eating every word of this up, good/bad, it doesn't matter to her. She's the star of her own movie.)


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## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Rufus said:


> I had not intended to insult you, but rather to state a truth that ought to be recognized by everyone. I empathize with you because I have the gift of empathizing with everyone, whether I want to or not. The reason you post the manipulative sh.t that you do is because you are an extreme narcissist, starved for validation of a false self. I will ignore further posts by you, and suggest others do as well. I understand it's a psychological disorder, and really, I empathize, but it's wrong to fcuk with others' emotions for perceived personal gain.
> 
> So you don't believe in love, so what. No sh.t that was sarcasm.
> 
> (She's eating every word of this up, good/bad, it doesn't matter to her. She's the star of her own movie.)


I didn't think you were insulting me lmao.

I was just simply asking a question, why do you need to 'trust' my posts?

I'm not posting in the "scientific fact" section of this board. Most of my posts are my personal preferences, which people tend to pass as the 'universal truth' of all the women in the world.

Which is sad, but what can you do. Like I said before, I'm no Doctor Frankenstein :lol I can't make people have a brain.










"thhhhiiiinkkk for youuurrsellllf"


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I crave for love from men if I like them ofcourse. I believe I can truly be happy if I meet the love of my life. I need intimacy in my life. Love is what makes life exciting for me. Maybe love is not for you since you feel like you don't need it but it sure as heck is for me.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

I got teased and bullied for wanting to love. SO **** Love. People can ram love right up their *******. I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with it either. ****ing stick it.


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## jimity (Jan 12, 2011)

Rufus said:


> I don't trust a single thing "cali chick" posts. Beware, she is an extreme narcissist. (What a sad, empty life.)


What a sad, empty life? I feel that statement in used as an insult and should not be used here on a board for people with social anxiety since many of us has empty and sad lives and to state the truth and use it as an insult is an insult to injury.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

WintersTale said:


> And love from your family and friends is just as important as relationship love.


I certainly agree with this.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

Rufus said:


> I don't trust a single thing "cali chick" posts. Beware, she is an extreme narcissist. (What a sad, empty life.)


LOl.


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## MaxPower (May 1, 2012)

WintersTale said:


> And love from your family and friends is just as important as relationship love.


+1


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

Nah


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## EternallyRestless (Jul 19, 2011)

WintersTale said:


> And love from your family and friends is just as important as relationship love.


Definitely!


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## G i r l (Jul 30, 2012)

Yes, it's important to me. Being in love is the best feeling ever.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

I don't get why like everyone on this site is so unromantic, it's depressing as ****


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

GD8 said:


> I don't get why like everyone on this site is so unromantic, it's depressing as ****


You know what's more depressing? All the people who swear they are in love and find out the hard way that it was all an illusion.

Call me cynical, but i'm taking the red pill on this one. Love belongs in the movies.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> You know what's more depressing? All the people who swear they are in love and find out the hard way that it was all an illusion.
> 
> Call me cynical, but i'm taking the red pill on this one. Love belongs in the movies.


So... what about all the people who are *truly *in love? My next door neighbors in my old neighborhood were married for 64 years and they were still madly in love with each other


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

GD8 said:


> So... what about all the people who are *truly *in love? My next door neighbors in my old neighborhood were married for 64 years and they were still madly in love with each other


Ok, i'll admit that sometimes it seems to last, but that's so incredibly rare that i'm not convinced it's even worth pursuing, especially for people like us that already have the deck stacked against us to begin with.


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## GD8 (May 7, 2011)

ThrashtilDeath said:


> Ok, i'll admit that sometimes it seems to last, but that's so incredibly rare that i'm not convinced it's even worth pursuing, especially for people like us that already have the deck stacked against us to begin with.


It doesn't last for most people because they're stupid and they date the wrong people, or they date for the wrong reasons (money, sex)


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

I think it lasts for the people who put each other first, make them the priority, rather than the notion of their romantic love for one another.
Many people fall in love with the idea of love, not the person they are with.
For that reason, true, lasting love is an extremely rare thing.

There is also a lot to be said for being with somebody who is your absolute best friend.


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## theseventhkey (Jul 22, 2012)

GD8 said:


> I don't get why like everyone on this site is so unromantic, it's depressing as ****


Most people that are "unromantic" are people who aren't given the opportunity to be "romantic" in the first place (myself included). It's hard to believe in anything that's not happening to you.:blank


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## foe (Oct 10, 2010)

It's the only type of love I have yet to experience. So yes, it's important.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

theseventhkey said:


> Most people that are "unromantic" are people who aren't given the opportunity to be "romantic" in the first place (myself included). It's hard to believe in anything that's not happening to you.:blank


This.

What's the point in being romantic if you don't get the chance? Most of us would love to be romantic towards that special someone, but thinking about romance just depresses the f**k out of me, so I'd rather be unromantic as it makes me feel better, it's a sort of a defence mechanism.


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## Laura1990 (May 12, 2012)

Yes, to me it is.


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## ravens (Aug 31, 2011)

apx24 said:


> This.
> 
> What's the point in being romantic if you don't get the chance? Most of us would love to be romantic towards that special someone, but thinking about romance just depresses the f**k out of me, so I'd rather be unromantic as it makes me feel better, it's a sort of a defence mechanism.


I would love to have someone in my life but it has never happened and I don't see it ever happening. I just wish I could stop thinking about it because all it does is make me depressed. There are days that I just sit here and start to cry. I've wasted my life not talking to women because I've always been scared of rejection.


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## Zeeshan (Sep 4, 2011)

ravens said:


> I would love to have someone in my life but it has never happened and I don't see it ever happening. I just wish I could stop thinking about it because all it does is make me depressed. There are days that I just sit here and start to cry. I've wasted my life not talking to women because I've always been scared of rejection.


Thats awful. And a lesson to everyone here


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I don't see any other reason for relationship than loving and making life better than it was alone.


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## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

ravens said:


> I would love to have someone in my life but it has never happened and I don't see it ever happening. I just wish I could stop thinking about it because all it does is make me depressed. There are days that I just sit here and start to cry. I've wasted my life not talking to women because I've always been scared of rejection.


I'm so sorry, I really really hope you find happiness, whether you're in a relationship or not. You are not alone in how you feel.

:hug


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

Its pretty damn important if you need someone to really care about you, and you them.

if you dont need that and dont get lonely, then its not important


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

It really, really is. It alters you as a person and changes your outlook on life. It gives you a reason to be, and be happy.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Depends on the person. I love to fall in love with someone. So it's important to me.


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## talisman (Aug 5, 2005)

River In The Mountain said:


> Many people fall in love with the idea of love, not the person they are with.
> For that reason, true, lasting love is an extremely rare thing.
> 
> There is also a lot to be said for being with somebody who is your absolute best friend.


Well said! :clap


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## Jklivin (Aug 15, 2012)

Wow, what an interesting discussion. I have felt what the majority here say that romantic love is not important in life. But until now i thought i was alone feeling that way. My entire family is so bent on being in a relationship constantly. Like my brother has been married four times and each time he just JUMPED into anothernrelationship like he had no feelings for his past loves whatsoever. That always made me wonder how people can do that and i know so may people that are like that. So i have often wondered if there was something wrong with me. I have my daughter, that is all the love i need. If i get romantically involved with someone it will just happen, it wont be forced, planned or saught after period.


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