# Missing out on my youth? I'm 19?



## HeartofDarkness1 (Jul 14, 2017)

Prepare for a long rant. I am a 19 year old male who graduated high school a year ago and have taken a gap year from college, but will be starting in the fall. The past year and a half have been some of the worst years of my life. I was homeschooled all 4 years in high school. I now regret that and wish I could have gone to public school. I am a pretty social person in the sense that I can sit down and talk to anyone without being shy. My problem is that I am a terrible social networker. I feel like people don't WANT to be my friend. 

I had one best friend in high school for about 2 years but then she pushed me away and I havent had any friends since. I see on my instagram and snapchat my peers constantly having fun and doing wild and adventurous things while I am stuck at home watching tv and living with my parents. We couldn't afford to send me to university so I have settled for CC in the fall. I dont have my own car or my own apartment, I have no friends only peers from high school that I know, I am extremely lonely in the dating realm, and very inexperienced. I've never even had a girlfriend because I'm short (5'3") and girls tend to friendzone me because of that and since I don't act like an ******* towards them. 

I want to pursue a career in the movie industry as a screenwriter/actor but its not something I can just fall into, I have to work my way up, so I don't have a "real" job. 

I feel like since my peers and I were 17 years old and now we are all 19-20, they have gained so much more maturity while I have been stunted--a failure to launch. All of my peers have their own car, some have their own apartment but most just live in a college dorm or stay at home for the summer but stay out 90% of the day and night, almost all of them have a SO, a job they may not like but its something they are good at, a college-type, nice looking young adult body, (I'm not fat, just no muscle) and they all have a peer group that feels like family to them. 

Meanwhile I have NONE of that. And here I am spending a Friday night in the middle of July at home watching an ABC drama with my parents and siblings. I feel like I have lost the past 4 years of HS + Freshman year of college and I will never get that back. I am pushing on 20 now and I don't want to turn twenty. I wish I could stay 18. Sure I can't drink yet, but it's the height of my youth, fertility, and bodily aesthetics. And I feel like I'm missing it all. I am missing out on everything--and I don't blame myself. The worst part is I blame my parents. I know that sounds f**cked up but I just feel like they didn't do enough for me. I have been driving for 6 years and not once have they sat down with me and offered to work with me to buy a car or saved any money at all to help me along the way with it. They didn't help me plan for college, just pressured me and threatened me. I can always work harder, but that's not going to magically make things change. How can get a job when I don't have my own car to take myself to work or stay out late? How can I buy a car when I don't have a job? I can't make friends because I don't live on a university like all my peers do that have traveled out of state. I don't even know how to book an airline ticket to fly one state over, while some of my friends fly across the country or international by themselves to come home. 

I just feel so alone and so undesired by everyone. I feel like I am a rocket that never launched. I was powering up and right at the last second the launch was aborted and I stayed on the ground while all my friends have soared. Sure they might have their own issues, but none of them are complaining about being alone or single. They have it so much better than me and it makes me so angry. I am not mad at them except for during high school they excluded me since I was the "homeschool kid" that wasn't in the social circles. But I am not jealous of my peers for enjoying their lives. I just simply WANT what they have. I want to enjoy it WITH them. 

Does anyone else feel like they are alone and missing out on their youth? It makes me almost breakdown just knowing that I will soon be 20, and that 2017 is nearly over and I have accomplished nothing in my life and haven't improved my life since I graduated high school. I never got that fresh start or the chance to get away from parents that don't help me but make an effort to shove their noses in my business. 

Anyone feel this way? What advice do you have? 

I live in a family community but the only young people close in age to me are high schoolers. All the college students have moved away. I can't just get up and move. I'm broke and permanently stuck living in my parent's guest room.


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## flyingMint (Aug 31, 2015)

I think the best thing you can do is start working on these things that you don't feel are right. You want a car, find a job. Get your parents to take you to work, tell them that you wan't to save up for a car, maybe they'll help you by giving you rides to work. Show initiative, perhaps the reason they don't help you out with a car is because they don't think you'll be able to handle it. Apply to jobs everywhere, you have to start someplace and work your way up from there. You might make some friends at your job and be able to grow your own circle from there. Find meet ups with people who share your interests, go to them make friends and find ways to encourage and support each other. 

If you want muscle, start working out, stay disciplined and focused. There are lots of people here who will give you great advice on how to bulk up if you don't know where to start. 

Save money to travel. To book an airplane ticket all you have to do is google your destination and chose an airline that will best fit your needs, the rest really is pretty simple I think most websites will take you step by step.

Change isn't going to happen overnight but if you stay on track of your goals and aspirations with enough ambition, then you'll be able to get where you want to be. 

Easier said than done, but if you want to move on with your life then you have to do something about it, like I said its not going to happen overnight but if you really try you will get there to the level of contentment that you want to be in.

Hope that helped a bit.


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## LeCoffee (Aug 15, 2015)

flyingMint said:


> I think the best thing you can do is start working on these things that you don't feel are right. You want a car, find a job. Get your parents to take you to work, tell them that you wan't to save up for a car, maybe they'll help you by giving you rides to work. Show initiative, perhaps the reason they don't help you out with a car is because they don't think you'll be able to handle it. Apply to jobs everywhere, you have to start someplace and work your way up from there. You might make some friends at your job and be able to grow your own circle from there. Find meet ups with people who share your interests, go to them make friends and find ways to encourage and support each other.
> 
> If you want muscle, start working out, stay disciplined and focused. There are lots of people here who will give you great advice on how to bulk up if you don't know where to start.
> 
> ...


I agree with all of this.

It's only going to get worse the more you sit at home and think about it. You need to go out there and start doing these things.


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