# starting fresh - making new friends - advice needed



## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

Hello there,

I'm not sure if there are many people in my position, as it seems everyone I meet has their life sorted. But anyway, I'm in a tough predicament in life, self-esteem extremely low right now, just come off anti-depressants which is a big achievement for me.

Just wondered if anyone had some advice regarding making new friends mid-20s, as I'm really struggling 

Up until university I basically had no friends (saddens me greatly) I had social anxiety, but also struggled fitting in with the crowd.
I went to university, and strangely became the popular kid, but I saw right through it, as I knew the people there were kinda using me.
After university I moved from my small town to London, I have tried to keep in touch with uni housemates etc, but they only meet up with me like twice year and they have their own lives sorted.

I just find myself feeling really frustrated being in a new city alone, and noone to bounce off or holiday with, when I have leisure time.
I have met people through work and the odd club, sometimes people even saying "lets stay in touch" however nothing really materialises eventhough I invite them to events or to just meet up.

I have also done much self-reflection, and I'm trying to be more helpful and nicer with people. My other problem is people seem to have the impression on first meeting me that I "seem like a well rounded person" but when I'm honest about my situation I have been branded a "loser" which really gets me down.

I also feel bad for my parents, as I can tell they are genuinely upset that my life hasn't worked out, when everyone in my family is making progress.

If anyone has been in this position or has any advice, you have no idea how much I would appreciate it!


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## feckoff (May 2, 2014)

I'm in the same position. My social anxiety is pretty mild at the moment but I'm still socially isolated. I met a lot of people through work and I go out with them occasionally but they're all busy with their own lives and other friends most of the time.

I tried to recconnect with old friends but most of them have kids now. They get hundreds of likes from their friends on fb posts 

I have nobody to go on holidays with. I have saved hundreds for a holiday that's never going to happen.

I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that my life is crap too.


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## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

feckoff said:


> I'm in the same position. My social anxiety is pretty mild at the moment but I'm still socially isolated. I met a lot of people through work and I go out with them occasionally but they're all busy with their own lives and other friends most of the time.
> 
> I tried to recconnect with old friends but most of them have kids now. They get hundreds of likes from their friends on fb posts
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear that 

As you can imagine I relate greatly, and appreciate the reply, as its good to know im just not alone in this predicament.

Its one of these things where you just need to meet like two or three likeminded people, and things can change drastically. 
But I know how incredibly difficult it is to meet open minded people.

If I figure out the solution I will reply back in this post, I would be so happy to get myself out this situation and share genuine advice to help others in same position.


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## izzobaby (Jun 22, 2015)

B Wretched said:


> When you try too hard to force something that should be rather serendipitous (friendship/relationships) other people can sense it. The times in my life when I was most desperate for friends were the times people were virtually repelled by me. The less I care about forming awesome friendships, the easier it is to fall into casual friendships.


Some great advice which I put into practice last night when socialising with work colleagues, I just kept myself light hearted and went with the flow. Its hard because I had to pretend I was busy on weekend, since everyone was chatting about how great their social and dating lives are.



B Wretched said:


> How to run into the people that you're not going to be trying desperately to be friends with? Live your life. Honestly, learn to be friends with yourself. Do the things that are interesting to you


Again amazing advice, I wish I knew this ages ago because its definitely a way forward in meeting people with similar interests. Im so angry at myself that I didnt know this originally!

Thank you for replying to me, its really nice to hear some positive feedback from someone and ways to develop my present social position.


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