# So, my therapist asked me something that I think I won't accomplish at all



## kaputt (Jul 13, 2013)

Today at the session, my therapist asked me if I could ask some of my family and friends of how they picture me. They should indicate some of my characteristics, qualities and defects. 



I really don't want to do that, at all. I don't even know how to start. She gave me some hints, but I'm not up to it, it Just sounds too weird to go asking this to people. I think I'd only do it with my girlfriend.



So, what do you guys think of this? Have gone through something similar in your treatment? How have you dealt with it?


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## Higgins (Apr 19, 2012)

I dunno. Sounds like something I'd definitely be willing to do, though I don't have context for this... why is she asking you to do this exactly?


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## kaputt (Jul 13, 2013)

Dinner said:


> I dunno. Sounds like something I'd definitely be willing to do, though I don't have context for this... why is she asking you to do this exactly?


I think it's because I have some trouble of how People actually see me, I'm very perfectionist when it comes to relating with other people, so I get all nervous about behaving the right way, and my stantards are pretty high. Maybe she just want to show me that people don't see me as bad as I do.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Your therapist wants you to see yourself from another perspective other than just your own distorted view of yourself. You should try your best to fulfill her request.


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## Delicate (May 23, 2008)

I had to do this at work today, ask some colleagues how they would describe me... luckily a girl who I get on well with was proactive about it and was positive about me, cos she actually makes an effort to get to know me and vice versa... 

I think like Noca said, they want you to get an outside perspective... which is probably more positive... they're probably assuming that your family and friends are the most likely to know you well enough to help you to see your attributes.

If I were you I would ask some people that I feel close enough with, who know me well enough, if that's possible... start with your girlfriend, why not.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

kaputt said:


> Today at the session, my therapist asked me if I could ask some of my family and friends of how they picture me. They should indicate some of my characteristics, qualities and defects.
> 
> I really don't want to do that, at all. I don't even know how to start. She gave me some hints, but I'm not up to it, it Just sounds too weird to go asking this to people. I think I'd only do it with my girlfriend.
> 
> So, what do you guys think of this? Have gone through something similar in your treatment? How have you dealt with it?





Dinner said:


> I dunno. Sounds like something I'd definitely be willing to do, though I don't have context for this... why is she asking you to do this exactly?





kaputt said:


> I think it's because I have some trouble of how People actually see me, I'm very perfectionist when it comes to relating with other people, so I get all nervous about behaving the right way, and my stantards are pretty high. Maybe she just want to show me that people don't see me as bad as I do.





Noca said:


> *Your therapist wants you to see yourself from another perspective other than just your own distorted view of yourself.* You should try your best to fulfill her request.


Noca has it right. I quoted everyone else to make sure the message was received :lol.

Half of our problem is the way we see ourselves. This is what happens when we have isolated ourselves for so long. This is the very reason we are relational by nature, whether we like to admit it or not.


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## klarity (Aug 29, 2013)

If you have trouble asking people, why won't you write the questions down and have them write their answers in? I used this technique in the past very successfully.


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## kaputt (Jul 13, 2013)

Well, after the feedback here I've felt more willing to do the task, so, as suggested, I started with the basic, asking my girlfriend. She made such a long list and I reallly liked it, lots of good stuff (a few bad too, but that's ok). 

Now I took the guts and asked my mother and my sister. It was harder than I imagined asking them, I think the repressive education of my dad made us really shut to other people, we don't talk about our feelings. Anyway, my mom finished her list quickly and she was really nice and sober, instead of just saying good stuff. I'm still waiting for my sister feedback.

I still need to get the feedback from two of my friends.

Well, guess it wasn't that hard, it actually looks silly now that I was so afraid of doing this. This fear so incredibly irrational at times. 

Thanks for the messages, guys, you made me see that doing this was important.


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## lizaharper (Aug 30, 2013)

*therapist has image of self*

if anyone asked me to let someone else size me up, I want them to do it first and not with a girl or boyfriend or a spouse. Theres too much give and take in a relationship like that. Surely that will lead to more favorable responses and negative responses would more likely have to do with undesirable traits contributing negatively for that person. I just cant see someone telling me something to flattering and then tearing down in order to achieve selfish desires. If a therapist cant be specific in instucting me right and also letting me know what the objective is than I dont think im that stupid. I know we all have some levels of ignorance about different things but relationships are too easily bruised or even ruined when we gamble on someones instructions. Especially when the instructions are vague and without explanation.:idea


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## sj86 (Jun 7, 2013)

Glad they were being honest and gave you great feedback on your qualities. You got to learn a few things that you may not have, have you not done this.


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