# Fight SA together! SAS-Tag Teamz!! ???



## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

hulloz plenty peepz

I was reading in one of my psychologimical books that having another person to help you fight SA is a real turbocharger to progress. In the instance they were talking about (it was Clark and Wells style CBT) they were talking about having the therapist accompany you when you do experiments. NOW I know not all of you have a therapist BUT - apparently it doesnt necessarily need to be a therapist!

I cant totally remember the part of the brain it talked about, but to paraphrase - when you do something scary but know that someone has come along with you, the social part of the brain works much better and reduces the anxiety. How might you use this to your advantage?

Many guys have been in the posotion where their friends might say "oh gooo onnnn go and talk to her! go onn! what are you, a puss???". This is NOT ENCOURAGEMENT - this is adding stress and performance anxiety. This AINT what youre after.

So whats the big idea? To find someone on SAS who is working on their SA as well, hopefully in the same way you are, and to help each other in experiments. Not like BE together when you do them, but just go along to the place together. One of you is going to go into the shop, and the other will wait around the corner, out of sight. You might talk first about what you think will go wrong, how likely that is and so on. Define exactly what you will do, and what you think will go wrong for you. You can even REHEARSE it together (in fact that would be an awesome thing to do, especially if you can video it)...

They can walk you to the door, but then they have to stop and let you go on alone. Then you buy somethin! If you are using the Butelr SA book you can use the process there to make it much easier ... 

The 1st person can share how they found it, and if the other person was sneakin a look without you knowing - they can say "hey dude you looked fine!!". Or, they can help you see where you might be kicking yourself for no reason if it didnt feel so good. Then it will be THEIR turn.

DONT START with something impossible, eg approaching women if thats what you find hardest (then you are just doing standard internet PUA stuff and theres a ton of sites on that already) ... Start small. Try to do it over a period of time, mabbe once a week. As you get to know each other it will become easier. If you find it hard making friends, well its always said that when two people have a common purpose they bond much more easily ... so what better than to bond over getting over SA??

You might start with shopping, then move up to eating alone (each of you orders a table alone and gets a sammich or something .. knowing the other person is there will be kinna funny  ).

This is just a vague framework and there are tons of ways it could be done. I would want to use the butler method, but whatever you want! This is like taking the best of group therapy AND supporter-led exposure and putting them together. Get out there and use that lil brain trick I told you about!!

What do ya think? SAS-Tag ? Hmm I might even look at setting up a website for this if it works .... whee

heee I get to be "The Rock"


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## socialanxietystinks (Jul 3, 2008)

It sounds good as long as there's no nudity involved. lol j/k. You should start a website. Sounds like a cool idea!


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Yeh I was thinkin, cos the hardest part with the experiments is always just getting the damn BALLS up to actually go do it. At least with another person theres more likely to be some momentum to keep getting things done, theres support ON SITE as it were, and when in the cognitive case-building phase its great to have someone else there to help when you cant think of alternatives.

I did some PUA-ey type stuff and it was great having a guy along too, but only when it was a guy who was SUPPORTIVE. If he was like "mehh you blew that out" or responded to his own fear by putting me down, then it stank. But a fried who said "that was a tough one, huh?" and didnt get too hung up on results was cool to have around. Doing this for SA and starting at low anxiety level would be awesome I think.

Still I know its tough to get people motivated to do anything like this, more often than not folks just want meds and some quick fix tips, which is cool but yeah and stuff


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## katelyn (Jul 11, 2006)

I think this is an excellent idea. Having someone with me would help me to try so many more things. The only problem is, I can't see that anyone near me will volunteer to do this.


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## socialanxietystinks (Jul 3, 2008)

Yea yea yea, the first time I was at rock bottom with SA, I made a really good friend in high school. He was the outgoing/big ego type of person. He was cool because nothing really bothered him. I felt comfortable around him and he did alot of stuff I would never do so I really became quite outgoing around him, but once I was by myself I wasn't as confident. I was able to meet alot of people through him, but I was still really bad with other people one on one. For example, one time we went to a pool table/bar place and I started talking to this girl by myself. She was cool, but I had to drop someone off and I figured it was the end of it. When I came back he said she wanted my number and I should go over there and exchange numbers. So obviously, he did some behind the scenes work and helped me. I called her once, but was too chciken to call her back when she called again. Doh! So, in a way he was good for me and bad for me. Met alot of people/did alot of things I would never do, but in a sense I hid behind him. I'm trying to get better one on one with people. The whole eye contact thing is a big part of that problem. Anyways


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## yeah_yeah_yeah (Mar 27, 2007)

Hah yeah I ve had that experience too. Its like, that bit of the brain kicks in and you have the added confidence - but as you say, you hide behind the person. In a way, its a bit like having a natural medication - for a time, they make you feel better and you ride it. But you dont begin to learn new skills, and in fact this is one criticism of meds - in your mind you may actually tell yourself "I only did it because of him". Without the crutch, you cannot repeat it - because that mood of safety his presence brought is no longer there.

I think thats mabbe a good point - that if people did the pairs, they should not have a big mismatch in anxiety level - each should be roughly the same and allow the programme to be the guide. The other person then becomes almost like a fellow comrade (to use a miltary term) without needing a captain to follow into battle. After all, a private can follow a sergeant, but if the sargeant gets shot, an untrained private will not function. That was how it used to be in the military - and now they train all ranks in how to be self-sufficient, to think for themselves.

Thats the difference with kinna hagning on the coat tails of the confident guy - he is like the WW One Leader who just goes "over the top lads!!" and gives them one command - "go forward". Its great when youre following, but if he gets cut down by machine gun fire - that confidence goes.

Perhaps that is a bad analogy because I dont want you to see the world as being full of machine gun fire ... but you get the idea.

For you, an understanding partner may well be exactly what you need to help with eye contact. If they know that you find it hard, and you forewarn them how you are feeling, then you can use them as practice. When it gets too hard for you, you can have set it up that you look away. They arent gonna judge, and you might even 'win' ! If you can tape record yourself from behind, this would be awesome becuse it will give you a REAL representation of what you look like when you do it. You may not have noticed it, but in eye contact situations there will be a fleeting 'extrenal image' of yourself, in your own mind, of what you look like, and it will be a negative appraisal.

If you say out loud before you start "I think i will look like x,y and z", run the experiment, and then watch the video back, you can then see how close your prediction was to actuality. This is a big part of Clark and Wells CBT therapy which you cannot get from a book.


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## ~AJ~ (Jan 23, 2008)

ok, i just saw this. lets do this tomorrow! is anyone here in london, by any chance? I know some of you are from UK


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## random222 (Jun 21, 2007)

The idea that you presented (groups of people fighting SA together) is very similar to treatment approach #2 here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori#Treatment . See Socialization Approach.


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## R4ph4el (Sep 20, 2005)

I don't think there are any other Belgians here :stu


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