# How do you define a TRUE friend?



## 2school4cool (Nov 10, 2014)

I spent a lot of time thinking today, and I finally figured out why I'm dissatisfied with all my friendships; no one fits the bill for being a true friend to me. I look for 3 things to call someone a true friend: loyalty, compassion, and selflessness.

Loyalty: the person wants to spend time with me, thinks of me when I'm not around, would actually care if I disappeared.

Compassion: the person is the opposite of self-centered and actually cares about my life affairs. Ask me about what I've been up to, new games I've played, what I plan to do over breaks. I'd do the same, so it'd be about a 50/50 split. You wouldn't believe how many self-centered people I've met! My conversations with those jerks are about 90% them, 10% me. 

Selflessness: the person would go the lengths for my happiness. They'd visit me if I landed in a hospital, follow through with plans to meet up, help me if I ever needed it.

No one-not a single person I've ever known well in my lifetime, has ever met these criteria. Basically I'm my only true friend. But I'm curious about how you other people define true friendship?


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Well, a true friend is someone who stands by you when their reputation is at stake. Shaming themselves in front of everyone they know just to be at your side, because they think it's right. Also, a true friend would endanger his life just for the chance to save yours.

Don't worry, we'll never meet anyone like that


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## VictimEternal (Aug 10, 2014)

true friend is like what angelina jolie is to brad pitt , true friend but not sexy


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## 2school4cool (Nov 10, 2014)

Aribeth said:


> Well, a true friend is someone who stands by you when their reputation is at stake. Shaming themselves in front of everyone they know just to be at your side, because they think it's right. Also, a true friend would endanger his life just for the chance to save yours.
> 
> Don't worry, we'll never meet anyone like that


Seriously, why aren't there more self-sacrificing people? I feel like the people on this site would make incredible real life friends. We know the pain of loneliness so we'd do anything to preserve our friendships and be good friends to others. I know I'd do anything for someone I consider a friend. It's just too bad we probably won't run into other people on this site any time soon.


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## CWe (Mar 7, 2010)

Someone who likes and accepts you for you who are. Cares and is generally interested in you. Can count on and just loves you inside and out.

My take.......... chocolate cake


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## Ilaw1 (Dec 6, 2014)

I consider myself fortunate to have found someone that does seem to care about me. A lot of people see friendships as being functional. They use friendship for political purposes. I also think that most people only have one or two true friends. The rest are really just acquaintances. A true friend will be there for you regardless of what becomes of you. I have had one true friend that has been there for me for a long time, nearly 13 years. I have another one that's pretty close as well. I think having a bunch of friends is a bit overrated. Making friends with SA can be difficult.


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## Hardey (Nov 25, 2014)

Your true friend should be the one you get into bed with each night. You.


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## Blakey (Jul 5, 2014)

Someone that won't leave me passed out on the streets.
Someone that gets family-zoned.


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## CowGoMoo (Apr 14, 2013)

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked


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## Mikko (Jan 21, 2014)

For me, the criteria are the same with you. But in addition, even though sometimes they complain to others about your worst, they will again tell to them, "But nah, he/she is fine. He/she is caring, etc even though they are annoying sometimes."

I'd been with my five friends in my life. The first one went to another country to study, the other two are in different classes, while the other two are in the same class. But to be honest, none of them are true friends to me thus made me wonder some time ago if they are true friends or not. Guess what, two of them backstabbed me because one of them is a girlfriend to a boy who actually make fun of her in the past, and the other one is way too tomboy and plays a lot with the other one's boyfriend's friends and maybe one of the boys hate me and started to made rumors and they were turning their back to me.

But before that happened, when I got sick, they never say "Get well soon" or giving any attention while I gave them attention.


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## ComfortWhereWeOverlap (Sep 3, 2014)

I think loyalty, compassion, and selflessness are what I seek in my friends as well. I also tend to like people who have an interesting (****ed up) background because I usually can relate to them more. Sense of humor is always nice too, because they can make me feel light-hearted and silly. 

I've known many people to be the opposite. There have been a few descent humans I've met however, who really do care about me, and I care about them as well. I see myself as a highly sensitive person, which also affects my friendships and the people I want to be around the most. Usually other sensitive people are good to keep in your life as well, and they appreciate you more.


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## ashleynoelle87 (Feb 22, 2014)

True friends should be loyal. They should be caring and compassionate, and make an effort to spend time with you.


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## Ilaw1 (Dec 6, 2014)

A true friend will be an ally no matter what you're going through. I've had one true friend for most of my adult life. She's been there no matter what. A true friend will not turn their back to you when you're down. They won't set conditions for friendship. It's hard to know when a friend is true but when you have one, you'll usually know it. You can't be friends with everybody you meet. Sometimes you'll find friendship in the oddest places and sometimes the or with the people you least suspect.


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

i believe friendship comes first, if two people share the same interest and enjoy spending time together, then they are each other's friends, friend is no obligation or requirement, if it is it won't last long and it's not real


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## BlueMoo (May 27, 2014)

In my eyes, a true friend is someone who(m):
-not only loves you despite all your weird quirks, they probably love you even more BECAUSE of them. 
-can tell if you're upset or hurting even when you say you're fine, and will be there for you no matter the circumstances. 
-will listen to you vent and give you advice, or simply offer you a shoulder to cry on and not make you explain yourself, if that's what you need.
-you feel comfortable with, and can be told just about anything and won't judge you.
-enjoys being with you as much as you enjoy being with him/her.
-is a good influence on you; he/she makes you feel like a fun and awesome person and encourages you to make good decisions rather than poor ones, even when the poor decision may be easier or more fun.

If you were thinking of a specific person while reading this, I'd say that person is mostly likely a true friend!


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## mrcaptainappleman (Dec 15, 2014)

*How do I define a TRUE friend?*

I agree with everything you said, but might I add a couple of things? A true friend is someone who knows your weak spot, but instead of exposing it, they do everything they can to keep anything from hitting it.

A true friend knows when you hurt even when you don't show it on the outside. He also knows that when you are hurting, you dont want to hear certain things. Funny story with that. A couple of weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend and long time best friend. He know how much I was hurting, but when he got a girlfriend litteraly a few a days later, he would brag in my face how lovely dovy they are. I am no longer his friend and hate him.

I have dumped all of my friends. I only have 2 people I call friends. Its lonely existence, but there is no one else that really fits the category called "friend"


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## angelrawr7 (Oct 30, 2014)

Someone who is patient with you, and is willing to wait for you to warm up to your "natural" self, if that makes sense. And someone who won't look down on you. Pretty much everyone here said just about everything. Its hard to find those kinds of people..


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

Well all I know is that I never call someone a friend until they call me a friend first... It is too risky.


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## meandernorth (Nov 12, 2014)

To me, it's someone who has your back unconditionally. Loyalty is important to me. Honesty and respect aren't far behind. Ideally, it would be nice to have a positive attitude on life with the understanding that things happen from time to time.


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## 2school4cool (Nov 10, 2014)

BlueMoo said:


> In my eyes, a true friend is someone who(m):
> -not only loves you despite all your weird quirks, they probably love you even more BECAUSE of them.
> -can tell if you're upset or hurting even when you say you're fine, and will be there for you no matter the circumstances.
> -will listen to you vent and give you advice, or simply offer you a shoulder to cry on and not make you explain yourself, if that's what you need.
> ...


That was a really nice read. I'm sad to say though, that I only thought of myself when I read it. We're basically talking about a giving friend. Unfortunately, I haven't met too many people that care about anyone other than themselves.

A guy I know broke up with his gf a while ago, but he still gets pained by thinking of her every now and then. She was the person he talked to most, so it must feel like a big part of his life is missing. When he starts feeling lonely and empty inside, I'll ask if he's alright, if he wants to talk about it, assure him that I'm there for him. But when I bring up one of my own life issues, he finds some way to bring the conversation back to him or barely offers insight.

*sigh* seems I might be doomed to one-sided relationships forever. At least when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm happy knowing that I'm a good friend. Not to sound full of myself or anything, but anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend. If they gave me the chance


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## Allenoir (Dec 17, 2014)

2school4cool said:


> I spent a lot of time thinking today, and I finally figured out why I'm dissatisfied with all my friendships; no one fits the bill for being a true friend to me. I look for 3 things to call someone a true friend: loyalty, compassion, and selflessness.
> 
> Loyalty: the person wants to spend time with me, thinks of me when I'm not around, would actually care if I disappeared.
> 
> ...


Whoah I feel the same. I guess I would simplify it to I want someone to treat me like I treat them. For once I want them to text back immediately. I want them to ask me to do things with them. I'm fine with listening (I love to listen) but when I need to vent I want them to do the same. I want to be put first. So many times I get left out or put last because I'm so nice they know they'll keep me. I'm the desperate one who will do anything to keep a friend so they walk all over me.


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

A true friend is:

*Someone who cares - about your silly jokes, successes, failures...about how you effed up and are trying to fix things. They care about the good and bad.

*Someone who can accept you. The good and bad.

*Someone who can be honest with you without being mean.

*Someone who will not abandon you - not for other friends and not for their boyfriends or spouses.

*Someone who will give you advice, even if it's lame, or even if it could make you mad.


I don't think I've ever had a true friend. My 'best friend' if we can call her that, never gives me advice when I need and ask for it. She basically abandoned me when she met her boyfriend and almost never calls anymore and we see each other like once every few months now. Though, she does tolerate my quirks and neurosis so I guess that's the closest thing I get get for now...


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## momentsunset (Nov 10, 2009)

Someone who cares and will be there for you when you're down. Someone who you can laugh with and talk about anything with and they won't judge you.


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## Kind Of (Jun 11, 2014)

Someone who doesn't want anything from you except companionship, who talks to you with literal and emotional honesty, and who encourages you to be a better person and do things that are going to bring you happiness or health. In short: very rare. 

Most people are, at the very least, BS artists who wouldn't know how to talk to someone without putting on an act if their life depended on it. Not necessarily bad people, but hard to get to know on a meaningful level or someone to be wary of simply because dishonesty is a red flag. Like some people think flattering someone is a good way to appeal to people... when it's such a basic lesson to not trust a flatterer that it was the moral of an Aesop's fable I read when I was five years old.


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## ImBrittany (Nov 2, 2013)

Aribeth said:


> Well, a true friend is someone who stands by you when their reputation is at stake. Shaming themselves in front of everyone they know just to be at your side, because they think it's right. Also, a true friend would endanger his life just for the chance to save yours.
> 
> Don't worry, we'll never meet anyone like that


Lol it seems like my friends skipped this part of the friendship handbook haha. Always willing to let someone else take the blame even when they're dead wrong


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## ImBrittany (Nov 2, 2013)

A true friend in my opinion:
- Is there when you need them
-Knows you'll be there if they need you
-Someone you can laugh with and not take life so seriously with
-Someone who has your best interest at heart
-Someone who isn't just using you to fill a social void
-Someone who knows you and you know them
-Someone who doesn't disappear on you when things get tough
-Someone who can remind you why everything is worth it


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## Emmy Anne (Jun 3, 2014)

For me, a true friend is someone who supports me even when they don't understand. I have a knack for pushing people away, so they have to be loyal and patient as I am a difficult person.


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## TabbyTab (Oct 27, 2013)

I think a true friend is someone you've shared your life with, and continue to do so. A "true" friend isn't just someone who's helped you through a breakup or what have you but has done that and more. And of course a true friend is also someone who accepts you and gets you perfectly yada yada But maybe I'm getting best friend and "true friend" mixed up (considering my bff is the only closest person I've had for the past 5 years now). Idk I just think with a true friend both of you have grown together and have stuck by eachother through thick and thin ? Something like that xD


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