# Do you have trouble bonding with your same sex?



## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

I don't understand why I can't make male friends... last very close one I had was like 16 years ago. The weirdest thing is that I don't care about it at all. I'm looking for deep, meaningful relationships and I feel like most guys I met are shallow and not supporting, emotionally speaking. I feel less threatened by women somehow, despite the fact I've been used/ridiculed by I couple of girls I fell for in the past. I don't know, maybe I feel just too inferior to my peers... they all look so confident and I'm so umcorfortable when the talk turns inevitably around sex.
The funniest thing is that my closest friend is a butch lesbian :lol.

Do you also can't make friends of your same sex? Why? Is this just a 'beta male' thing?


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

I prefer female friends, and have had mostly those because I mostly went to girls schools, but generally I find it hard to make friends. I've noticed more men than women show complete disinterest in making same sex friends though. They seem more motivated by pursuing relationships.


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## remylemy (Apr 5, 2018)

I've been in the same boat too lol. I think it is a beta male thing though. There are a lot of gender bending chemicals in plastics and other daily stuff we use. Maybe our testosterone is lower so it's easier to fit in with girls than guys. Do you work out? I've started to really get into lifting but I don't have any friends at all now so I have no idea if it worked or not lol.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

remylemy said:


> I've been in the same boat too lol. I think it is a beta male thing though. There are a lot of gender bending chemicals in plastics and other daily stuff we use. Maybe our testosterone is lower so it's easier to fit in with girls than guys. Do you work out? I've started to really get into lifting but I don't have any friends at all now so I have no idea if it worked or not lol.


It could be, between other things, that I have low testosterone. I've always avoided any kind of competitive sport. No, I'm not working out, but I should. It's so hard for me tu put on some muscles, even when I'm physically active for long periods.


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## remylemy (Apr 5, 2018)

Kalakotkas said:


> It could be, between other things, that I have low testosterone. I've always avoided any kind of competitive sport. No, I'm not working out, but I should. It's so hard for me tu put on some muscles, even when I'm physically active for long periods.


Yeah in a nutshell for muscle gain you're just gonna have to eat a lot and lift heavy. Either way lifting weights and feeling that pump makes me feel like real ****in man. I don't like competitive sports either which I kind of regret neglecting that in childhood but I'm trying to make up for it now. Message me if you want some advice on lifting and stuff (albeit I'm no where close to an expert or anything)


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Yeah. Especially when there is "guy" talk going on.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Prefer women. Men can be kinda knobheads. Depends on the men obviously.

Am sure women can be knobheads too mind, just not in a cheesy competitive way, more machiavellian.

It's like, men are like dogs, basic and primitive, barking a lot and displaying aggression and running around topless showing off their 13 inch biceps. Women are like cats, endlessly torturing mice for hours before finally eating them and catching worms.


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Am joking ffs, and yes dogs do have 13 inch biceps


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I've worked and talked with the most alpha men you can think of. There's no way I'd even want to bond with them. I always got along well with mellow men who were and acted normal. The down to earth guys.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

I guess? I don't have any female friends.


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## Mirza (Apr 2, 2018)

A Fear of being called gay?


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

Yes. Though there are still exceptions, or there used to be.

I'd say this became more difficult as I aged and I haven't had any close friends that were my sex since the age of 16~ Though I don't get close to most people, but I also get on better with weird and nerdy people and people with certain personalities or interests, and they've tended to be guys. On average women make me more uncomfortable, I think. But most of my connections with people in general have been superficial anyway so it's not easy to compare and I don't hang out with people anymore 99.9% of the time. I've also been in a lot of male majority environments irl after the age of 16, though in one very clear exception to that - a class which was all female besides two guys - I barely spoke to any of them.



> The funniest thing is that my closest friend is a butch lesbian


Someone masculine who you don't see as a threat. Makes a lot of sense...


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Depends on the type of person. If they're a boisterous, rowdy, never-talk-about-feelings kinda guy, then I probably wouldn't get along with them on anything other than an acquaintance level.

Women can be trouble, too. It's hard to find a girl I don't want to have sex with :lol. I don't think I've ever felt super close with a female friend, but I think that's my fault for all my damn walls.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

I have trouble bonding with anyone. Women because I'm not like most of them...men because I'm afraid they'll take my intentions the wrong way and a lot of them seem to dislike me...other-gendered people because I worry I'll appear ignorant or rude...everyone because I just suck at bonding, period. :sigh


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

I've always had trouble bonding with men. I have had male best friends, but I invariably argue with them because we never really see things the same way. Unless men are just more argumentative by nature.

I've always found it a lot easier to bond with women and most of my best friends have been women. These friendships rarely ever lead to arguments. But then, they don't see me as a woman, so it's hard to know how that impacts things. I'm just a non-threatening male to them.

I've never successfully bonded with a trans woman. They just don't seem to like me for some reason. So I would say "yes, I have trouble bonding with the same sex" if we restrict it to trans women.



splendidbob said:


> Am sure women can be knobheads too mind, just not in a cheesy competitive way, more machiavellian.


Machiavellian knobhead is my new go-to insult.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

Mirza said:


> A Fear of being called gay?


In my case? Absolutely not. I wish my problems were that simple...



Persephone The Dread said:


> Yes. Though there are still exceptions, or there used to be.
> 
> I'd say this became more difficult as I aged and I haven't had any close friends that were my sex since the age of 16~ Though I don't get close to most people, but I also get on better with weird and nerdy people and people with certain personalities or interests, and they've tended to be guys. On average women make me more uncomfortable, I think. But most of my connections with people in general have been superficial anyway so it's not easy to compare and I don't hang out with people anymore 99.9% of the time. I've also been in a lot of male majority environments irl after the age of 16, though in one very clear exception to that - a class which was all female besides two guys - I barely spoke to any of them.
> 
> Someone masculine who you don't see as a threat. Makes a lot of sense...


I'm pretty much the same. I haven't had real friends since high school. The fact is that up to that moment I only had a few male friends and 0 girl friends, while now I can establish connections with women much more easily, once I know I've been 'friendzoned' (like there's another option :lol). If I develop attraction though, it can get quite awkward: in that case I usually slowly eclipse myself, after suffering in silence long enough. A gay, masculine girl is someone I can deal with easily I guess (but now she's just an online friend, unfortunately).


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## Red2N (Oct 7, 2017)

I can't speak from a guy's perspective. But I certainly feel more relaxed around men, even the loud, rowdy types to an extent. I think it's because I have more in common with them than I do with women my age.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

I feel like a freak no matter who I'm with. I finally reached the point where I don't want to be around anyone except my wife, and I even feel self-conscious around her sometimes. She likes to go out and do stuff all the time. I'd rather stay home where I don't have to deal with people.


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## Lostbeauties (Nov 15, 2017)

I've had trouble bonding with girls like forever, i would much rather hang out with guys. Girls can be really catty and superficial a lot of the time, always obsessing over their snapchat pictures and which guy to hook up with. No offense to any girls here, I'm mostly talking about the girls I've seen and hung out with.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Well, if you're a dude in the US and you're not into sports at all, about 90% of your potential friends list is wiped out right off the bat. If you also don't drink, that's another substantial hit. From there, if you aren't interested in drugs, the list gets much smaller. 

I mean, friendships often form around some activity that you have a mutual interest in. In the past I had more of that going on but was never into sports or drinking or drugs. I was kind of into video games at one time but I only ever found a few I liked and found it annoying to look at a big wall of games with almost none that looked interesting.

People who are more like me are usually more geeky and highly intelligent. Which I'm really not. I just have more personality traits in common with those types.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

Yeah, that's another good reason. I have 0 interests in sports, cars and other men stuff, except videogames. But I don't really play those anymore, I don't have any console now except 3DS and my PC is getting old.


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Well, if you're a dude in the US and you're not into sports at all, about 90% of your potential friends list is wiped out right off the bat. If you also don't drink, that's another substantial hit. From there, if you aren't interested in drugs, the list gets much smaller.
> 
> I mean, friendships often form around some activity that you have a mutual interest in. In the past I had more of that going on but was never into sports or drinking or drugs. I was kind of into video games at one time but I only ever found a few I liked and found it annoying to look at a big wall of games with almost none that looked interesting.
> 
> People who are more like me are usually more geeky and highly intelligent. Which I'm really not. I just have more personality traits in common with those types.


Yep, I used to have friends when I drank a lot and did drugs. Most of them were losers, too, so we had that in common. That was a long time ago.

I had a few friends when I played tennis, but then my body started giving out, so I had to quit. Tennis is tough on the body.

I played on a softball team, but that was during a tough time in my life, so I didn't try to befriend anyone.

I used to play in a song circle a few times a month, but then I had problems with some of the people there so I quit going.


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## MondKrabbe (Sep 7, 2015)

I've noticed I feel slightly more comfortable talking to girls than guys, especially when they're my age. But doesn't matter too much because I feel inadequate either way.


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## Wren611 (Oct 19, 2012)

I don't know any other trans people, so :stu

Probably would, since I have trouble bonding with everyone else.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I actually talk to a bunch of transpeople and other gender dysphoric people (who don't use that label because it's complicated,) right now, but only one transguy (also the only afab for a while now,) and we're not the same. Can't say I'm close with any of them either and I'm not very open with them.


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## Mlt18 (Jun 29, 2016)

Idk. I wouldn't call it that. I either get along with them very well or they despise me. There's little middle ground.


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## GeomTech (Sep 29, 2015)

Idk. I guess it would depend; but I've been ridiculed unendlessly by the high octane, STP types for being a "puss" or "weakling" or whatever; and I'd get called out by the NT eggheads for being inferior and illogical; and not sure of the rest; probably off-put the rest since I don't engage in similar hobbies/ interests (video games, T.V shows, etc) or whatever. And I have a tendency to stay away from girls; never felt comfortable around them.


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## Icestorm (Mar 17, 2012)

Both. I don't really share much in common with other males (e.g. sports, drinking, etc.), but occasionally I'll find a guy who I can at least talk to about video games, or something, even if I'm not that interested in it anymore. Then girls I just have nothing in common with at all, but they are usually a lot kinder to me.


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## discopotato (Dec 24, 2016)

yeah I have trouble bonding with females. I don't like the typical "girl stuff" and being friends with guys generally means you don't have to deal with as much drama and backstabbing.


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

It's not that I have more in common with women. I don't. It's that I feel less exposed for not having much in common with them. Men will notice and wonder why I'm not like them since I'm a man, women will expect me to not be like them because I'm a man. That seems to make it easier to lower my guard a little and occasionally make friends with women.


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## Linny Nutly (Oct 21, 2017)

I can only make friends with guys. Girls always seemed to be surrounded by too much drama, and I am much less intimidated by guys. I used to get teased for it, but I learned to stop caring. The only person in the world I have ever truly trusted is a guy. Although he likes to say I'm more of a guy than a girl...


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## i suck at life (Mar 14, 2014)

i find it easier to bond with girls, but i can with guys too, it just depends on their individual personality. i prefer having girl friends tho


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I rarely bond with anyone. Maybe I was superglue in a previous life and now I'm more like oil. Hopefully, in the next i'll be something more fun like gasoline or jet fuel. Light me up and watch me go.


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## qcbart (May 22, 2018)

Same here. As long as I'm not romantically interested in them, I find I'm more comfortable speaking to women. A part of it for me is that I'm not exactly a "manly" guy, and I've been trying to bring out my more sensitive, emotional side more. I'm often unsure if other guys will be accepting of that, my brother used to tease me for it quite a bit. I want to get better at making male friends that I can really gel with.


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## Nephymere (May 6, 2018)

I always feel extra self conscious around other women my age. It's probably because I was bullied by them when I was younger, so I associate most women with those nasty pieces of work. It sucks now, because lately I really, really wish I had a female friend to confide in.


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## Rebootplease (Dec 5, 2017)

Yeah, when sports come up. I don't watch sports. Maybe soccer hockey and some finals but that's it. I'd rather play than watch.


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Not at all usually. I'm amicable and if I see someone regularly it's pretty common to develop a comfortable bond.


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## AnxiousMary (May 26, 2018)

Paul said:


> Men will notice and wonder why I'm not like them since I'm a man, women will expect me to not be like them because I'm a man.


:O I never thought about it from this perspective! So true... friendships with men are somehow less anxious to me, as long as it doesn't turn openly romantic.

I'm in general have trouble bonding with both genders. I don't do much sports - this is the point through which 90% of people in my area connect. I don't drink much and mortified by idea of walking alone into a bar, without making a clear plan with someone to meet there at specific time and being sure 100 percent that they will be there.

To compare pros and cons of both for me. I get more interest based, more fulfilling and helping me to develop professionally and personally connections with men. And I get more emotional support from women in situations that are stressful for me. But a day to day relationships with women are quite distressing - I feel inadequate all the time, out of the loop and frustrated. Like, I just can't figure out the rules of the game they play. With men it's almost always very emotionally relaxed.


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## cosmicKitten (Mar 1, 2016)

I have a hard time bonding with other females my age. Definitely has to do with the girls I've had to put up with in elementary and high school, and I just have trust issues with girls in general since all of my female friends have ghosted the **** out of me lol. I do have one female coworker who is just fantastic and I get along with well though! She's super chill and we like the same stuff and she's honest and not petty, which is a nice change from some of the girls in my classes and on social media I sometimes interact with. I also met a fellow SAS member's friend last week who seemed really really cool. I guess I just have to start reaching out more and overcoming that fear. I just always feel way more insecure and inadequate around females than males. :eek


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## Sassandclass (Jul 16, 2017)

cosmicKitten said:


> I have a hard time bonding with other females my age. Definitely has to do with the girls I've had to put up with in elementary and high school, and I just have trust issues with girls in general since all of my female friends have ghosted the **** out of me lol. I do have one female coworker who is just fantastic and I get along with well though! She's super chill and we like the same stuff and she's honest and not petty, which is a nice change from some of the girls in my classes and on social media I sometimes interact with. I also met a fellow SAS member's friend last week who seemed really really cool. I guess I just have to start reaching out more and overcoming that fear. I just always feel way more insecure and inadequate around females than males. :eek


Unfortunately, this is my experience too - women are catty and sometimes downright mean. I've had so many experiences of them backstabbing or gossiping about me, or trying to turn other friends against me. It happens All. The. Time.

So now, I am way less open, and I take a long time to get to know. If you want my trust you have to earn it. If you want my loyalty, you better be loyal to me too. If I get effort from someone, then I will respond. But I don't give my friendship to just anyone.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Losti (Aug 23, 2012)

Thanks for creating a thread like this. I make the mistake a lot of sometimes feeling like it's just me who struggles to attract men for friendships. The complete irony is I've had better luck attracting women romantically. That's definitely a puzzling realisation. I think I long to kind of to belong to a tight knit group of guy friends who can just cheer me up when I need over a laugh and truly value me and my style or sense of humor. I think the negative and superficial way of looking at it could be if you can't bring anything to add value to a guys life, why should they welcome you on board as a friend? Ie bring over girls, humor, hobbies they like, etc. I think the toughest thing kind of is when your single (like I may have become today I highly suspect) and your now faced with that conflicting challenge of investing your efforts in socially bettering your life. As you can imagine, finding a good girl is always top priority for now and sadly that blocks a lot of efforts with trying to befriend other guys since companionship becomes more important for many people with age.


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## vela (Apr 19, 2012)

No I'm most comfortable with other women. I do have trouble being close to men though But that's due to past traumas and my therapist says it's normal due to that.


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## Tomatmacka (May 24, 2018)

I have trouble with both sexes. Different problems and both very energy draining.


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## Kalakotkas (Feb 15, 2018)

Losti said:


> Thanks for creating a thread like this. I make the mistake a lot of sometimes feeling like it's just me who struggles to attract men for friendships. The complete irony is I've had better luck attracting women romantically. That's definitely a puzzling realisation. I think I long to kind of to belong to a tight knit group of guy friends who can just cheer me up when I need over a laugh and truly value me and my style or sense of humor. I think the negative and superficial way of looking at it could be if you can't bring anything to add value to a guys life, why should they welcome you on board as a friend? Ie bring over girls, humor, hobbies they like, etc. I think the toughest thing kind of is when your single (like I may have become today I highly suspect) and your now faced with that conflicting challenge of investing your efforts in socially bettering your life. As you can imagine, finding a good girl is always top priority for now and sadly that blocks a lot of efforts with trying to befriend other guys since companionship becomes more important for many people with age.


Yeah, I realized recently I don't have interest in making male friends. I've never had any close one in my whole adult life and when I try to socialize now, I find myself motivated enough just to talk to girls.
Sadly, I'm also a sensitive person with no guts whatsoever, so I can't really hope to attract anyone romantically... and I always end up as the 'gay' friend.


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## CNikki (Aug 9, 2013)

I wouldn't say that I have trouble, but I do have to be a bit cautious. The most social issues that happened for me were from other women, and it's actually sad since there are problems within our own circle that nobody (let alone feminists) want to address. I've received more shame from other women and being patronized as if I don't know any better or ashamed of my own sex when going against certain narratives.

This is not to say I never had problems with men. Believe me, I can list them. But I find that I can be more open with them while knowing to keep my distance. When receiving ill treatment, they know not to bother me again soon after.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

If they don't respect my boundaries and start trying to set me with their friends or telling me to try to get a bf or whatever, then I'll have problems with them, of course. So as long someone is nice, isn't bugging me about doing things and we have something to talk about or have activities in which we want to engage, I see no problem in relationship with their gender.

Forgot to mention, they must not ask me to borrow them my stuff, which is a bad thing many women have.


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## Eternal Solitude (Jun 11, 2017)

Absolutely, but then again it's the same thing with people of the opposite sex. I'm good with animals, kids and old people of either gender.


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## 552569 (Oct 20, 2014)

I have trouble bonding with people in general, but it's definitely easier with women. I'd love to have more female friends but I can't relate with most women my age. I've tried but every time it seems they are so fake and two faced. I can't deal with that drama.


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## Daxi004 (Apr 16, 2018)

I found it difficult to hang out/ talk with many girls. So i usually talk/ hang out with guys, generally.

But best friends I've had 50/50 guys/girls


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## EggsBenedict (Dec 28, 2017)

I very much have this issue. And this is probably one of the principal reasons I can't meet women either.

There were times during my twenties that guys tried to introduce me to their circle of friends. I would hang out a few times but of course nothing would gel due to my personality. Then, eventually the original friend would think there is something wrong with me and stop talking to me. 

I'm down to really just one really good friend that has the same personality issues as me. That would be the only reason we sort of "bond".

I'm lucky to have a job with a mostly anti-social minded firm. I think I've always just been an offputting individual to others. But I hate being that way.


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## Slacker (Apr 30, 2017)

It's been a bit random for me. I've never been a "dude" "bro" type. No interest in Cars/Sports/Hunting Bears with just a knife. 

At the same time while I fit in more with the nerdy crowd I have little interested in things beyond gaming. Even then I was never as knowledgeable/interested in knowing everything about whatever game we were playing as those around me.

As I get older I find it easier to have at the very least, female acquaintances. Once they realize I'm not being nice just to get in their pants we become friends 

I've had them in the past so some people here will dismiss this immediately but I've never been obsessed with needing a girlfriend so I can have female friends and be perfectly fine with no hope of a romantic relationship. As weird as that is to some.


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## SwtSurrender (Nov 24, 2014)

Hmm hmm yes I also feel less threatened by men somehow maybe because I am attracted to them sexually. So I would be ready to put moves on them and befriend them over women. I guess it is easier to befriend women if you're bisexual or sexually attracted to them. That's what I am trying to do, maybe then I can try to befriend them if I put moves on them like I do on men. And then there's this vibe like they might think I'm trying to date them - women. I mean it was easier to befriend women when I was younger in school now it's all about sex and jealousy. Maybe they don't want to befriend me to keep me away from their men and vice versa. I don't mind, I always wanted to have a 100some.


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