# Shy guy won't make a move!



## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

So..........I've been seeing this absolutely sweet, cute, cool, reserved guy who calls me beautiful (via text) and is always excited for our dates and is absolutely wonderful, except that he will not make a move! We've been on four dates and we have not touched at all except for the end-of-the-date hug and a peck on the cheek. He never tries to hold my hand or snuggle up close. I feel like I'm hanging out with one of my friends. What's a girl to do?
I'm not very aggressive sexually, but I'm aabout to get to that point where I throw him against his car and lay one on him, but...????? Is there a way to get him to make a move???? I know he's very inexperienced in the dating arena so he probably doesn't know what to do. Any tips from you guys? Should I just make the first move and take his hand next time we're hanging out? What would you shy guys think about a girl who's more aggressive like that?
I'm used to being the "innocent" one who let's the guy take the lead.


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## Meee (Oct 24, 2005)

I vote for the throw him against his car thing as well 

You should do something at least. I for sure wouldn't mind if a girl was a little more aggressive and made the first move.


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## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

You definately need to throw him on the car and lay one on him. j/k How shy is this guy? It usually takes me a few weeks before I will actually kiss a guy that I like. It's difficult for someone to let someone else in if they are afraid of getting hurt. My ex-boyfriend kissed me on the forehead a few times before he kissed me on the mouth. Take it slow and you gotta let him know that you like him. Maybe, ask him why he hasn't tried to kiss you. Maybe, he will tell you. Communication is important. Don't give up on him yet.


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## Noca (Jun 24, 2005)

Communication is the key!


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

you make a move then


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

SAgirl said:


> How shy is this guy? It usually takes me a few weeks before I will actually kiss a guy that I like. It's difficult for someone to let someone else in if they are afraid of getting hurt. My ex-boyfriend kissed me on the forehead a few times before he kissed me on the mouth. Take it slow and you gotta let him know that you like him. Maybe, ask him why he hasn't tried to kiss you. Maybe, he will tell you. Communication is important. Don't give up on him yet.


Thanks, that's good advice.

He's not shy...he has a lot of guy friends so he knows how to carry on a conversation, but he's an only child and he doesn't have a whole lot of females in his life so I chalk it up to him basically not knowing what to do with girls b/c he only hangs out with dudes.

But I feel REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of initiating things sexually.

If a guy shows sexual interest, he's not so vulnerable b/c guys can pursue someone sexually without wanting them emotionally...and it's kinda of a societal norm that guys are the aggressors. But I feel if I pursue Jason* than I am going to be making a big statment that basically says "I want you" which would leave me vulnerable AND it puts me in the driver's seat and I don't want to drive that car! Lol...I have so much more respect for guys and the pressure put on y'all to make a move X(

I'm just worried about appearing too forward, I guess


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

BTW, SAgirl, how old are you? It takes you a few weeks before you can kiss a guy you like? I've never had this many dates with a guy without kissing and/or make out session. maybe that's my problem, lol.


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## ahmerw007 (Feb 11, 2008)

Make a move, otherwise nothing will ever happen, i know from experience, even tho it was a long time ago.


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## maurice044 (Sep 24, 2008)

you should just suggest it to him... like rub up againts him and look at him so that he knows that you want him to do something... and more likely than not he'll be obliged to make a move. but if that doesnt work by all means make the first move!


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## folightning (Sep 17, 2008)

you should definately throw him against his car and lay one on him.....Seriously, it would be the turning point in the relationship..however, if you're not up to it, try to initiate some hand-holding....its a slightly slower process, but it'll get done....do work lol good luck


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## folightning (Sep 17, 2008)

definitely*


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## ANCIENT (Aug 9, 2005)

ahmerw007 said:


> Make a move, otherwise nothing will ever happen, i know from experience, even tho it was a long time ago.


 :ditto

this guy reminds me of me when i was with my first girlfriend. if you don't make a move nothing is going to happen. you can rub against him all you want but it's not going to work. after she made the first move i felt more comfortable making the moves first.

good luck.


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

I'd probably make some subtle moves like reaching out for his hand in the theatre, if he pulls away, then I'd be upfront and ask him whats wrong, if not in person, which can be hard, but via email or phone.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Equisgurl said:


> I'd probably make some subtle moves like reaching out for his hand in the theatre, if he pulls away, then I'd be upfront and ask him whats wrong, if not in person, which can be hard, but via email or phone.


I agree. The hand thing is always a good test.


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## HangNail (Sep 1, 2005)

Meee said:


> I vote for the throw him against his car thing as well
> 
> You should do something at least. I for sure wouldn't mind if a girl was a little more aggressive and made the first move.


I agree! :yes


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## meghanaddie (Sep 9, 2008)

^ agreed on the hand holding. trying to hold his hand isn't aggressive but it definitely will show you're interested


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Yeah, once you show him that physical contact is ok then I bet he'll open up and start being more touchy feely.


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## GTI79 (Feb 2, 2004)

Flash him!











or try the hand holding thing. :stu :lol


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## Equisgurl (Nov 22, 2004)

:afr 

I always found theaters to be a good place to initiate contact, theres something comforting about darkness and the person is more likely to be relaxed after a movie, especially a comedy or something. I find myself messing with guys hair or tickling helps ease the tension, but to each their own, depending on the comfort level really, it takes me forever to get used to someone. 
best of luck.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Another vote to throw him up against the car!  I would love it if a girl did that.



Flashing him seems like a another good option too! :b


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## MidnightBlu (Jun 11, 2006)

nubly said:


> you make a move then


 :ditto Yes, you make the move!!!  Do it!


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## lonelysoul1980 (Jul 26, 2008)

story of my life....

and it keeps repeating for me.

i have never made the "first move", and i keep dating girls and they keep asking the same question: um, are you into me or not? where is this going?

part of it is cultural programming, part of it is shyness...i just don't know how/when to make that move! it's like i need a big huge sign of approval to even touch a girl.

and half the time, it's not even a thought that crosses my mind until she starts questioning me about it...like it's perfectly cool for me to be dating someone and not be affectionate or make moves. im happy with that, is there something wrong with me?

i think my ex gf dumped me over this, she got the idea that i just wasn't that into her...oh well!


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Lonelysoul....was it just the beginning of the relationship in which you did not actively make the first move...or was it an ongoing thing? I'm hoping that once I show Jason the ropes that he'll learn that it's okay to steal a kiss every once in awhile and that he doesn't have to wait for me to initiate things all the time.


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## lonelysoul1980 (Jul 26, 2008)

at the beginning.

around the 3rd or 4th date, she wanted to have a "talk"

so we talked, and she said she didn't know where i was at. i said that i really liked her and then asked to kiss her, lol

but i never got to the point after that, where i initiated things too much. frankly she just wasn't that hot to me. :S

i think i'm an extreme case though, so i don't use me as an example.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

So we go on date #5 last night and we're watching a movie ON MY BED and I'm making attempts to get my body close to his and to touch him and we're laughing and goofing off...at one point he covered his face with his hand ("You don't like Metallica!? I'm not going to talk to you") so I smacked his hand away and he did it again so I took his hand away and he did it again so this time I took his hand away and held it down with MY hand (AKA HOLDING HANDS!!!!!) 

Anyways, after maybe ten seconds of this he takes his hand away to fiddle with the remote and then returns his hand to his side and never attempts to hold my hand :sigh 

What's going thru his head????? I understand that his dating experience is minimal and he probably has only a little clue as how you proceed in that department, but I gave him a golden opportunity to hold my hand and he brushes it aside?????

And I KNOW he likes me. He tells me I'm beautiful and he always texts me that he "can't wait" for our dates and all his friends know that we're seeing each other so he's obviously telling ppl...on the other hand I really like how slow we're taking it so maybe I shouldn't be complaining


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## meghanaddie (Sep 9, 2008)

^ hmm it does sound like he likes you. would you be opposed to just asking him for a kiss at this point? you're getting all the right signals from him. maybe he's just bad at initiating.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

He must be super nervous about doing anything....I don't know.

Try talking to him about it. Or just keep doing more of the subtle stuff.

I really liked Kyaa's idea though. :yes


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## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

He probably fears intimacy. I know I do! I have panic attacks whenever I even think of something like kissing, or bodily contact. When I see couples out in public doing things like this I also get panic attacks and need to look away.

This sounds a lot like me with my ex gf. We went out on 4 dates, and on date #3 I was able to cuddle with her for a while and hold hands and stuff like that. I was not, however, able to man up and kiss her, even though she basically threw all signs that she wanted me to. And then, of course, she left me, and this was a primary reason for it.

But that's just me. I have some pretty bad intimacy issues :lol


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## onlylordknows (Apr 27, 2004)

yeah, I'm guessing it's his fear of intimacy. You can try to drag it out of him but he really needs to find the confidence in his internal state to get over it.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

You should kiss him because it sounds like he's never going to make the first move. I mean it's been it's been 5 dates! I would think if I ever made it to the 2nd date that I'd at least have the balls to go for a kiss. By date 5, a whole lot more!  This guy is just way to nervous to be the one to break the ice and lead the way, so you're gonna have to step up and lead until he becomes more comfortable.


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## floyd_bellsouth (Apr 10, 2005)

I was that guy about 14 years ago. Make a small move to begin with. Holding the hand, hugging up against him, or a nice kiss. Doing the move of throwing him against a car and everything could be very overwhelming if he isn't that experienced.


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## Michael W (Apr 30, 2008)

It was like this with my last girlfriend, I'd been going to her house to hang out with her and watch movies. She would always hug me and hold my hand and cuddle with me on the couch but I was still afraid to make a move. It went on like this for about a week and a half until she finally kissed me on the cheek, then I looked at her and we made out on the couch for about an hour, and then she took me to her bedroom..

No need to explain what happened there..


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Mr. Orange said:


> He probably fears intimacy. I know I do! I have panic attacks whenever I even think of something like kissing, or bodily contact. When I see couples out in public doing things like this I also get panic attacks and need to look away.
> 
> This sounds a lot like me with my ex gf. We went out on 4 dates, and on date #3 I was able to cuddle with her for a while and hold hands and stuff like that. I was not, however, able to man up and kiss her, even though she basically threw all signs that she wanted me to. And then, of course, she left me, and this was a primary reason for it.
> 
> But that's just me. I have some pretty bad intimacy issues :lol


I think that if we've gone on 5+ dates w/o any action AND I see him at work (we go on breaks together) AND I still wanna see him...than there's gotta be something special about this guy (and there is!) Anyways...I guess y'all are right and I'll have to start initiating. I thought i was with the hand holding thing, but...????

Actually, it's kinda funny b/c I remember with the first guy I dated the SAME thing happened. He was holding my hand while watching a movie and then took it away to do something and then didn't grab my hand again so I didn't grab his...and then he tells me: "Y'know you can grab my hand if you want. I don't always have to initiate things." LOL! How the tables have turned...

What are these "intimacy issues" several of you have mentioned? Do you mean you're just anxious about making a move or that you really don't enjoy the intimacy that comes along with a relationship?


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

Meee said:


> I vote for the throw him against his car thing as well


 :ditto

:um I haven't dated in a decade -can you tell?!  :lol


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## RubyTuesday (Aug 3, 2007)

NightinGale said:


> Mr. Orange said:
> 
> 
> > He probably fears intimacy. I know I do! I have panic attacks whenever I even think of something like kissing, or bodily contact. When I see couples out in public doing things like this I also get panic attacks and need to look away.
> ...


I remember a date at the movies with a guy (a really cute one!) when I was 16. I pulled an apple out and made it last the whole hour and 3o minutes. :troll He looked at me smirking.


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## Mr. Orange (Apr 20, 2008)

NightinGale said:


> Mr. Orange said:
> 
> 
> > He probably fears intimacy. I know I do! I have panic attacks whenever I even think of something like kissing, or bodily contact. When I see couples out in public doing things like this I also get panic attacks and need to look away.
> ...


I would be way too anxious to make any kind of move in general. I would certainly enjoy the intimacy that comes along with a relationship, and it is something that I would want, but I am too passive/anxious for this to seem like a reality. I guess I would be anxious at first regardless of who made the "moves", but that comes with the territory of inexperience I suppose. I think, for me at least, that its just the initial barrier that needs to be overcome, and then I would be alright.


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## CoconutHolder (Oct 13, 2007)

Everyone is anxious at first intimately (well for us SA'ers or shy peeps, for a good while actually). But the more you do things, the easier it gets and the more comfortable he'll be doing things. Good luck and keep trying.

Keep us updated.


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## Ohms (Sep 26, 2008)

Just dont think about it anymore and give him a kiss. Then things will be juuuust fine you'll see


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Well he _kinda_ made a move. He waited for me after work one night and after stalling for a minute he finally told me that he thought he was taking too long to do things ("what kinda things?????") and asked me to be his girlfriend (hurray!) So....that was good. But the next day we went on a date and as we lay--yet again--next to eachother on my bed watching movies...I realized that he was never going to make a move. So after the second movie I propped myself up and snaked my arm around his and propped a pillow against his shoulder to rest my head. After a little bit he unsnaked his arm claiming that he had to use the bathroom. The chain was broken two times and every time I had to re-initiate the "snuggling" if you can even call it that...I voiced twice that night how "shy" he was and he blushed and didn't expand much on the topic.

The thing is, my grandfather recently died and all I really want is for someone to hold me close and I want to say that my boyfriend knows this b/c he reads all my facebook statuses and one read "Sabrina is wanting someone to care and to hold her" for, like, two days. And yet he seems pretty paralyzed when it comes to physically responding. I can be shy, too, but if someone intiates and I like that person, I'll respond in kind.

I spoke to my aunt and she told me she knows how frustrated I am by my guy...but she didn't elaborate on any advice so :sigh


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

He might not of known what to do when you rested against him. I would say to be more physical with him like playing with his hair or his hands or even play wrestle with him. I think that you should just go in and give him a kiss.


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## meghanaddie (Sep 9, 2008)

It sounds like he has SA himself from what you said. also he might be a bit nervous/ inexperienced in the makeout department.

It could be worth it to just try to talk it out with him. If he's nervous or scared it might make him feel better to know that you understand what he's going through (and maybe you'll get a kiss soon )


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

WE KISSED!

lol, i'm not going to throw a parade over a little peck on the lips--but we finally made some progress in the lip-ular area. 

And it happened at work....the same place where we met and worked 40+ hours every week over the summer....how lame are we :sigh


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Great! I'm gonna sound lame, but I think it's cute that you kissed where you met. I hope it works out and keep working on the physical part.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Thanks guys <3


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## brealair (Aug 31, 2008)

NightinGale said:


> Thanks guys <3


Contrags for making some progress. I wish my 1st GF was half as patient as you. I had read several stories like this in other forums but the situations tend to be wat worst


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## KurtG85 (Sep 19, 2008)

2 words: Back Massage or alternately: hand massage. This kind of physical touch is what spurred me on to FINALLY make a first move with my first 'GF', if you could call her that. After a while (possibly a good while) you get so intoxicated with all those endorphins that you just can't resist anymore.

A peck is one thing, but this technique should likely spur a make-out session. 

Additionally: I wouldn't try and 'talk it out' with the guy. That, in my personal experience and with other SAD male friends, is more than likely to shame or embarrass him. You may still get him to make a move through that process but still, that kind of addressing of such a weakness that is incredibly prominent in your mind from a girl you really want to see you as 'manly' and admirable can be extremely.... deflating for a guy. A sensitive males ego is more fragile than you can imagine. Once you've gotten him to open up (i.e make out) a few times through more non verbal coercion then you can address it verbally. However most guys need the physical connection before they can be comfortable with opening up on an emotional level. If it is verbally made known that you are dissappointed he can't find the means to overcome his fear of 'going in for the kill' before he has been kindly led to believe he did it all on his own, it is going to be extremely shaming to his sense of masculinity. This will be much less the case once he has actually been able to affirm his masculinity in this sense due to your patience and understanding in helping him get there. Then its not near as big a deal to bring up issues with him. 

I'll go ahead and add some more of my very un-proffesional and inexperienced advice.  If this is his first experience with women go easy on him. In that I mean be direct with your communication. It took me years to even begin to figure out just what the hell women often want because they think we men can read their sometimes bizarre signals. It can be extremely emotionally overwhelming at first for a sensitive guy (who is usually someone who feels a deep need to meet and appease emotions, which simply often isn't going to be possible with females) to come face to face with the many emotional needs of most women. For me I took the constant emotionality as a sign that I just really sucked as a boyfriend and, in combination with my natural phobia #1: people being dissapointed in or criticizing of me, I nearly just ran headlong away from women forever. Thankfully my second girlfriend naturally developed a more physical/friendship type relationship with me before laying on me the more intense women emotional issues. After thankfully having become a bit jaded from those limited experiences, now I sort of look at it that most chicks are wickedly emotional most of the time and while they are in a good mood that makes the experience that much better but when they are in a bad mood its not necessarily all my fault even if they say it is just because they want me to be as pissed as them. lol. 

Hopefully none of that appears sexist or anything. Those strategies really are all in the interest of trying to keep myself sane when dealing with the emotions of women so I have as much positive energy as possible to give back to them as support, understanding and encouragement.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

KurtG85 said:


> 2 words: Back Massage or alternately: hand massage. This kind of physical touch is what spurred me on to FINALLY make a first move with my first 'GF', if you could call her that. After a while (possibly a good while) you get so intoxicated with all those endorphins that you just can't resist anymore.
> 
> A peck is one thing, but this technique should likely spur a make-out session.
> 
> ...


lol thanks for the post Kurt. This was the kind of advice I was looking for! I called my bf out on his "shyness" twice ::: "you're sooooo shy") and he sheepishly smiled and I knew it was the wrong thing to say because it embarrassed him, but I said it partly out of frustration and mostly just wanting/lacking for something to say. So thank you for this sort of advice. I'll try it =}

And your second paragraph isn't too far off the mark. Women, duh, have a lot of mood-influencing hormones running through them so we can be emotional. I'm sorry you had girlfriends that took it out on you, but I'm glad that you realized it had nothing to do with you.

"In that I mean be direct with your communication. It took me years to even begin to figure out just what the hell women often want because they think we men can read their sometimes bizarre signals"
I have alittle bit of a hard time with this because what I want is a boyfriend that will send me flowers occassionally and will call me beautiful (to my face, not just text) and do romantic things, but who am I to demand these things of my boyfriend? (Imagine if he told me: "Hey buy me my favorite CD occassionally, k?") Or how about the whole lack-of-initiation deal? How can I directly communicate my frustrations without destroying the poor guy (btw, thanks for the alternative, I'll try this, but this is how I am making my point). Sometimes women have needs/wants that they don't think they _can_ express and that's where sometimes inner resentment (in my case) builds. Luckily for my boyfriend, when I get upset with him I ignore all his texts and he's usually so oblivious that he'll keep on texting not realizing I'm mad and I'll eventually get over myself and go back to being the happy girlfriend w/o him ever knowing I was p!ssed.

lol. Sometimes I want a guy to be romantic but I think: you haave to accept your guy for who he is and most guys aren't too romantic.


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## KurtG85 (Sep 19, 2008)

Well, most guys should know to call you beautifull to your face because thats a pretty natural thing to do. However once again, especially in folks with social anxiety, he may be so afraid that he will appear corny or stupid when he says this to you (even though he for sure thinks it) that he will have a hard time with it (I can't say a damn thing to anyone off meds without having a panic attack for fear of humiliation). 

All you can do (even though obviously it doesn't sound like you are quite in the point of a relationship where you can start making requests like this) is communicate your desires, otherwise he may never really know. You don't have to make some nagging request, you can both just talk cutely about what makes you each feel good to hear the other say. For example an x girlfriend of mine would swoon that she likes it when I compliment her so i would just shower her with compliments from time to time. I wouldn't have done this if she hadn't said this and made it obvious that she did really like it. This very well might piss other girls off because hearing such a string of compliments might appear fake or condescending to them and so I never would have done this if she didn't tell me she liked it. I personally, at first, felt like the whole giving flowers thing was just some made up cheesy thing that didn't really make girls that happy, I mean, if a girl gave me some flowers I'd be like, uhhh, ok thats nice but what am I supposed to do with these? 

The point is, it took me time to realize that what makes women happy in a relationship is for a large part completely unintuitive to a males empathetic abilities and we must learn it through experience/observation. I eventually realized (by just observing the joy on a girls face and their pleasant behavior) that getting flowers (and doing other similiar traditional things) for a girl is literally quite analogous to the joy level I might feel myself after say: getting an enthusiastic bleepity bloop out of nowhere from my girlfriend while im playing videogames (i.e it makes me feel good and valued). Even though getting flowers doesn't do a damn thing for me personally I realized that giving a girl flowers actually really does bring her joy and doesn't just make me feel like a douchbag. Once I figured this out, it became totally worth the feeling of corniness to make her that happy. The quickest and easiest way for a guy, or anyone to learn is through open communication. 

These same sort of ideas I think hold true when the genders are reversed as well. For example my sister recently was telling me she had been pressing her husband to talk about work because she saw he was so stressed from it. Confusingly and distressingly for her he would wind up getting more upset after talking about things. The fact is, for males to recuperate we need to be alone. This has been scientifically proven to be regenerative for most males' brains and to help bring stress levels back to normal. The opposite is true for females, they usually recuperate best by talking about things with someone. So this situation in her marriage likely occured because my sister was trying to help him relieve stress the best way she knows how: talking, when in fact this causes more stress for her husband. Her husband, in turn, being the very sensitive guy he is did not want to deny my sister her desire for communication and so subjected himself without complaint to conversation but this inevitably just stressed him out more and led to greater conflict. This situation is just a small example of how these minor lapses in communication of emotions that you think you are best just repressed in order to avoid conflict actually often become much bigger issues if you don't address them. 

Of course, my x gf was like a lot of girls in that she wouldn't say what she was mad about and expected me to magically know all the time. I think keeping negative emotions (that are truly related to the other person and not just ones you are projecting onto them) to yourself causes them to build up and form an emotional rift, conscious or unconscious, in two people's relationship. I definitely watched it happen in the relationship with my x-gf, even though I constantly begged her to just talk to me about what she was upset over when I could tell she was angry and there was no rational way I could have known what about. She did get much better at it though. I think people need to practice communicating their feelings in non confrontational, patient ways as often as possible. 

Even more important and difficult is practicing being patient, reasonable and undefensive when someone expresses negative emotions they have that they feel relate to us in some way. Not to sound sexist again, but I think males tend to take on the 'its all my fault' role in these types of arguments much more often simply because females typically are not made very happy by having to admit they made a mistake, lol. Thats another thing I have learned (which you see in tv and movies parodying relationships all the time): that it usually isn't worth it to argue with your woman because they are usually way too emotional. Strong emotion blocks out logic a lot of the time and I'd much rather just take all the blame then take part in an endless emotionally intense argument and have an angry woman on my hands and in my face. This is actually one of my biggest problems in relationships because I am a very good and stubborn arguer and have a hard time just letting someone win when I know I could if I just kept on.  Again however, the reason I resolve to say 'its all my fault' is simply because I can see that most arguments cause the girls I have been with so much more emotional stress than it does me and I just want them to be as happy as possible so they can still have some positive energy left to give back to me... hopefully. lol. Some arguments however are on emotionally important enough matters to me that I will not give any ground whatsoever. Usually after an intense argument with my x gf we would talk the next day and we would both insist that we were wrong and that we were sorry, you were right, etc etc.. lol. So that is a sweet thing for a couple to get in the habit of even though it is probably pretty common.

Sorry, I kind of went off on some tangents there. Thats another problem I tend to have with communication.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

lol it's okay... yeah...communication is the key as they say. I wonder if there's some subtle way I could get Jason to do romantic things like get me flowers but I'm pretty content with how he's behaving right now...

ANYWAYS

How many girlfriends have you had, Kurt? Have one or two soured you? Women can be emotional and satanic. Women can also be level-headed and kind. 

My mother prides herself on being logical and rather emotion-less, and, I, being her daughter, kinda adopted that attitude in my adultlife. ANYWAYS, point I'm trying to make is that despite this even-steven approach to life, stress and hormones and certain people can get a rise out of me. I had a boyfriend who was very stubborn when it came to fights and even when I wanted to leave it alone he'd pursue it relentlessly until I was nearly in tears. 

He was an ******* through and through (no doubt about that), but maybe in your case it was just a poor contrast in personalities that brought out the worse in your relationship. maybe...


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## KurtG85 (Sep 19, 2008)

I have only really had one relationship that really developed much emotional depth to it (lasted about 2 and a half years). I have had a few other girls I was with for a few weeks whom things just kind of dissolved undramatically with. 

I didn't mean to come across that I have developed negative issues with women or something, I just learned a bit is all. My first girlfriend was pretty much 'satanic' but I am still greatful for the things she taught me. Nothing in the world makes me happier than being with someone I can fully trust to share my feelings with and more importantly who values me and my support in dealing with their problems and making them feel loved. I also am not against more casual relationships either as long as I still hold the person in high regard and they show the same respect for me.

The only reason I tend to stress dealing with and understanding emotion so much is because with my ADD, social anxiety, PTSD, severe depression and possibly mixed bipolar-ness I have a major tendency for incredibly intense, constant overwhelming emotion, most often of the depressed, anxious, OCD variety. Even with meds that have made things 100 times easier for me these issues still are prevelant enough to make it majorly difficult for me to talk to new people or even be comfortable around familiar people because I have such a high perfectionistic desire to please people 100% of the time and be respectable/valued by them. When I don't meet this ridiculous goal I tend to go into deep depression/resentment/anxiety mode where in I really don't have any positive energy to offer. Issues like these have led me to see an enormous amount of misinterpretation of my actions and emotions and possibly as a result I have always been keenly aware and sensitive to the misinterpretations of others' signals.

But no, I don't have any qualms about women and relationships. I just need to get the balls to ask women out, lol. It has only happened with a ton of coercion or alcohol in the two times I have been able to ask a girl out. I feel like I don't know how to do it without coming off looking like a total creep.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

NightinGale said:


> So..........I've been seeing this absolutely sweet, cute, cool, reserved guy who calls me beautiful (via text) and is always excited for our dates and is absolutely wonderful, except that he will not make a move! We've been on four dates and we have not touched at all except for the end-of-the-date hug and a peck on the cheek. He never tries to hold my hand or snuggle up close. I feel like I'm hanging out with one of my friends. What's a girl to do?
> I'm not very aggressive sexually, but I'm aabout to get to that point where I throw him against his car and lay one on him, but...????? Is there a way to get him to make a move???? I know he's very inexperienced in the dating arena so he probably doesn't know what to do. Any tips from you guys? Should I just make the first move and take his hand next time we're hanging out? What would you shy guys think about a girl who's more aggressive like that?
> I'm used to being the "innocent" one who let's the guy take the lead.


Well just thought I'd give y'all a little update....



KurtG85 said:


> 2 words: Back Massage or alternately: hand massage. This kind of physical touch is what spurred me on to FINALLY make a first move with my first 'GF', if you could call her that. After a while (possibly a good while) you get so intoxicated with all those endorphins that you just can't resist anymore.
> 
> A peck is one thing, but this technique should likely spur a make-out session. .


WELL, I tried this technique on date #234397237923749 after we had progressed to pecks on the lips but no making out...

AND NOTHING!

We've been dating regularly for almost two months and we still haven't gotten pass the closed-mouth kisses.

Part of me likes taking it slow. And the other part wants to maul him. I'm so frustrated!!!!!

I really don't think there's any advice for this...I just have to accept him for being a little inhibited and inexperienced.

It's just hella frustrating.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Dump this guy. 2 months and still nothing...jeez. Even my shy *** would've made a move a LONG time ago.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Have you talked to him about it? If not, then I would ask him about it, but try to do it so it doesn't hurt his feelings if you know what I mean. I think the only way to get to the bottom of what's bothering him is to talk about it and let him know that it's ok if he's afraid. You'll most likely have to guide him and show him what to do, but do it in a way that's loving.


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## xboxfreak (Jul 22, 2008)

maybe he is on these forums and is reading your posts and it is just making him all the more nervous.

seriously though i hope it works out.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

ah!!!! Some progress has been made!!!!

We opened-mouth kissed (no tongue tho)!!!!

Our rhythm and timing was hella off and he kept breaking into nervous laughs everytime we ****ed it up, but it was still woooooooooonderful!

Oh, and yes, I initiated it.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Thank goodness! Keep it going and I'm sure he'll get more comfortable the more times you do it.


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## lennyk (Oct 12, 2007)

on behalf of the male gender I would like to thank you for at least having some patience,
many females would have dissed him and actually be single and *****ing about being single than at least being with a guy no matter how shy he was


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## Cerberus (Feb 13, 2005)

Futures said:


> Dump this guy. 2 months and still nothing...jeez. Even my shy *** would've made a move a LONG time ago.


I agree. Despite the small progress you've made since the above post, I think you ought to move on. You're not his therapist nor are you his teacher. **** his feelings. Communication is important, and if you're frustrated, vocalize it.


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

No thanks, I likes my guy <3

I just had to figure out how to communicate with him properly...and by "communication" I mean I just have to tell him point blank: CUDDLE WITH ME DAMNIT!!!!! And he does and then I'm happy.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

So is he more comfortable yet?


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## NightinGale (Oct 27, 2005)

Uh...it depends by what you mean by "comfortable". Does he EVER initiate? No. Is he more comfortable with me? Probably. 

He's a verrrrrrry sweet guy and he realllllllllyy likes me (and he's reeeealllly good-looking) so there's no need to dump him...he does make me frustrated a LOT by his inhibition but...it's not worth it to dump such a sweet guy...especially when the guys around my college are a bunch of jerks (all my roommates agree on this so it's not just me!) 

Anyways...he does frustrate me alot but only because he hasn't a CLUE about women so one of these days...in the near future...Im going to have to talk to him about this. I see our conversation going like this:

"Jason, hypothetically, say I was crying because my grandfather died, I desperately need to find a job, I'm overwhelmed by schoolwork, and I'm sad because all my old friends are drifting away. What would you do?" ( <--True story! All these things happened and guess what my boyfriend said?? "That sucks" )

"NO! Jason, just give me a hug or try to help me figure out what to do by asking me things like 'what do you think you could do or how do you feel..." and say positive things like 'everything will be alright' or 'you're a fighter you'll make it through' " SOMETHING that shows me you care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## brealair (Aug 31, 2008)

NightinGale said:


> Uh...it depends by what you mean by "comfortable". Does he EVER initiate? No. Is he more comfortable with me? Probably.
> 
> He's a verrrrrrry sweet guy and he realllllllllyy likes me (and he's reeeealllly good-looking) so there's no need to dump him...he does make me frustrated a LOT by his inhibition but...it's not worth it to dump such a sweet guy...especially when the guys around my college are a bunch of jerks (all my roommates agree on this so it's not just me!)
> 
> ...


:squeezeThank you for not giving up on the guy like a lot of woman would of


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

This kind of reminds me of American Pie. You're the band camp girl who teaches Jim about girls, lol.


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