# Confrontational Coworkers



## Violagirl (Jun 22, 2014)

Anyone here deal with a difficult coworker? I do at my workplace. I get along well with mostly everyone that I work with but one. The coworker that I'm referring to has given me indication that she does not like me. More than once, there have been instances where a customer has come in and has asked a question that I haven't been able to answer right away where I need a minute to think about it. The coworker will come in at the exact moment right after the customer has asked their question, and the coworker will jump on my throat and berate me for not being able to answer the customer's question on the spot. She'll then continue to talk down to me and when you try to politely respond, she walks away before giving you a chance to finish what you were trying to say. 

She is friendly with my coworker that I work directly with but never makes an effort to make friendly conversation with me. When she comes out to talk with my coworker, she'll sometimes sit down at my desk when I've stepped away to help out another department or have gone to lunch. She also will only talk to him and not make an effort to talk to me too when I am there. 

I've heard her complain about me a couple of times too to this other coworker. I also have a sneaking suspicion that she has talked to our supervisor about not wanting to work with me as much either. Nothing has been done or has changed yet nothing has been said to me about it either. 

In the end, I do the best that I can to be polite to her when I have to see her yet also do my best to keep my distance from her. I also try to neutralize her when she starts something with me but there are days when I've gone home in tears after getting off after having her berate for something. I'm hoping to find another job soon but until then, there are days where it's hard working with her. There are mornings where I'll go in with bad feelings of anxiety with thoughts of her being confrontational with me as I'm not a confrontational person at all. :no 

Anyone else have experience dealing with anyone like this?


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

Yep, i had that experience, and i wound up having to take another job. Someone had posted down in the Work forum about Working with the enemy.

My answer down there is the same answer here. If it's a female, there's going to be a problem.

I just left a facility where I had *ALMOST* the same situation you had. The only difference between your catty/insecure/territorial coworker and mine? My coworker was nice to my face, and stabbing me in the back. At least yours is an ******* to your face.

I like to just come in, do my job and leave. I like to stay busy, thus, i don't have to "chit chat".. I'd rather just keep my nose to the grinder, and at the end of the day - know that i've put in a good day's work. If i happen to meet people that i trust and like? That's a bonus.

The co-worker here, didn't like that. She wanted to know what i did over the weekend, who i did it with, and more particulars. This is a small town, so gossiping among *females* is what she said: "natural".. I'm a *woman*, so i think that's just bull****. Over time, she felt slighted. Especially if she saw me laughing and joking with someone else.


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## thinkstoomuch101 (Jun 7, 2012)

Then came the very "smear campaign" you're going through right now. And yes, it started with other coworks, then went to the manager, the director and the director's boss. I wasn't "friendly" enough for her, and i didn't "get along" with her, according to the director. I was not argumentative, nor was i sucking up to her, i was professional. I just came in, did my work and left. 

She had been at our facility for over 38 years. I was told by people were fired or resigned - that in order me to stay there? I would have to kiss her ***. Well, obviously, i didn't .. so over a period of time, she was complaining to physicians, and administration. Later? she had a "friend" join the team, and things became worse. 

I wound up having to go to a meeting in HR because those two got together and wrote a formal complaint. The director did not agree, nor did my other co-worker, but it had already been documented.

I decided that it wasn't worth staying. I refuse to conform to their small town mentality, and if she needed someone to chat with to feel secure? It wouldn't be me. I resigned.

6 weeks later - I received a call from HR asking me to come back, why? because the co-workers "friend" wound up not "getting along" with her either, and left.


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## jblanch3 (Apr 16, 2014)

Yeah, I guess no matter how friendly and easy-going you are, there's always that one total a-hole. For me, it was this old, cranky as hell guy. He'd nitpick over the stupidest things, and go out of his way to be a jerk. When I'd point this out to him, with some salty language, he'd bodily threaten me. It was really weird in terms of how to respond. I didn't want to say "bring it on" or something like that because he was this old, really out of shape guy, and also because I'd probably lose my job. 

I went to management multiple times (to no avail). Finally, a couple of years ago, he retired. I still hate my job, but not as much as when he was there, I literally dreaded going to work.


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## Iwannabemyself (Mar 24, 2004)

You know what? I think there's always going to be an @$$h0le everywhere we go. I was like that too. I had to deal with my stepmom who bullied me everyday from when I was young. I thought I could deal with it, (by running away.. lol) But then, I realized, where ever I went, there was always an idiotic bully. 

I wished I knew how to deal with it when I was younger, because there is always going to be one. (especially when you are a nice person) They love to hate nice people. Anyways, I have one in my workplace now. 

I don't take what she says personally, and I just go about my own business. Sometimes I feel like quitting. Trust me. 

For me, I don't really want to have anything to do with her, so I'm fine just doing my own thing. But if you really want to fix things with her, ask her what is going on with her. There are things going on in people's lives that we don't know about. Sometimes, we are just easy targets for them to vent it on. 

Do no harm to others... but take no ****! (that's my motto)


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## Violagirl (Jun 22, 2014)

Thank you all for responding! It really helps knowing I'm not the only one in this situation. It definitely is true that no matter how nice a person you are, no matter what good intentions you may have, there's always going to be an @sshole to deal with that will find things to dislike about you. I'm just going to try harder to ignore her when I'm at work. It sucks the most when she comes out to make conversation with my coworker that directly works in my area but the best I can do is just let them talk and try to do my own thing. Another big reason why I'm looking to find another job, besides having to deal with her, is a lack of privacy at my work. It'd be nice to work somewhere where I'd have my own desk and cubicle without having to worry about someone else sitting at it when I've stepped away.

Have any of you ended up discussing any issues with a confrontational coworker in a meeting? If so, how does that normally work? Does paperwork have to be filled out typically beforehand before a meeting would occur? I'm just curious how that would work if she were to decide, for any reason, to set up one with me to discuss any thing she feels is an issue in her own mind.


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