# Short, small guys



## alex999 (Oct 21, 2008)

With the help of Lexapro I have really overcame alot of my social anxiety. However, I am still VERY self conscious and unsure of my looks, most particularly when it comes to meeting girls. A good part of it stems from my body type, which I am very upset about. I'm only 5'8 140-147 lbs (150 on a good day) and I can't help but feel socially inadequate because I feel so much smaller and shorter compared to most other adult males. It seems like every guy out there is 6 foot plus and 180 lbs plus and has more muscle than me. This almost makes me jealous of my older brother who is 5'11" 210 lbs of mostly muscle, pretty much the ideal body type for a guy, and can attract women no problem. The worst part is most girls I come across over here are as tall or taller than me, which obviously is a huge crutch since I know for a fact most females are not attracted to short guys. If I was tall and thin I'd feel better, since tall and thin is pretty much the ideal body girls look for. It seems like a lot of guys my height at least have some muscle or bulk on them. But being both short AND skinny is almost a social trainwreck. And I've tried eating and lifting like crazy until my arms almost fall off. I still can't gain an ounce. Even on Lexapro, which has increased my appetite, I still have not put on an ounce since I started it 3 months ago.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

As I've seen both from work seeing couples together, at college, marriages and people's opinions on these forums, nobody really has a set model standard when it comes to looks or height. I know guys who are really hansom and who are tall and they have a hard time meeting girls. Personally, I think it all about how much you try, and a lot of people will think that sounds desperate but it's not. Most things in this world come from hard work and I think dating is no exception.


----------



## tigerlilly (Mar 30, 2009)

you shouldn't worry. my boyfriend is only 5'5", exactly the same height as me, and we are perfectly happy. nobody even looks at him twice because of it.


----------



## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

I'm 6'. Where are all the girls who should be flocking to me?


----------



## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I'm your height and 20 lbs lighter. I've come to the conclusion that I simply need a lot of luck and/or compensating factors when it comes to girls, and have basically given up, since I don't have the motivation to pursue the latter at this point in my life. But honestly, if you're almost 150, you can't look _that_ scrawny -- even if your weight isn't ideally distributed. Our height will always be a disadvantage, but I think we're right above the cusp where it becomes a severe problem, thankfully.

It's funny what you say about feeling so many girls are your height and taller, though, cause I can relate. It's said the average female height in the U.S. is 5'3" or 5'4", but a walk around my college campus seems to conflict with that big time.


----------



## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

UltraShy said:


> I'm 6'. Where are all the girls who should be flocking to me?


They're screwing Tom Cruise.


----------



## silentcliche (Jun 30, 2010)

I'm the same height as the OP and I can kinda see where you're coming from. I would love to be a few inches taller but c'est la vie. I think if a girl is judging you mostly by your height, that's not a type of girl you want to be involved with. I mean, it's quite possibly the most superficial judgment call you can make. I know that many girls like a guy who's tall, dark, and handsome. Since I'm neither tall nor handsome, I concentrate on being as dark as I can be 

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to embrace who you are. Cheesy, I know, but it's what's necessary to pull out of the self-deprecating tailspin that are self-image issues.


----------



## mrbojangles (Oct 8, 2009)

i dont think height is everything. i used to have a cousin who i used to hang out with alot when i was younger who always got the girls. i was always the taller one of the two, but my height never helped me. facially he was alot better looking than me i guess, but it was also in the way he carried himself. to this day he isnt a very tall guy, but the last time i saw him at a family get together he brought his insanely hot girlfriend and she was exactly the same height as he was. so yeah, work with what you got i guess.


----------



## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

Big things come in small packages...... !!!

Lol
Or something like that..? idk haha.. cheer up.. forget bout the crazy girls who wouldnt date you for that.. theres alot who will date u!


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

alex999 said:


> I'm only 5'8 140-147 lbs (150 on a good day)


So you're neither short nor small. That's average height for a man, and a little toward the heavy side of the normal healthy weight range. At any rate it's absurd that you're calling yourself skinny when I've been as much as 50 lbs lighter than you at the same height (while being perfectly healthy).

_I still have not put on an ounce since I started it 3 months ago. _

Probably a good thing, since you weigh plenty. Seems like a sort of reverse anorexia.

There seem to be a lot of guys with a sort of BDD about height and weight here. Being average height and weight does not mean you have a problem or that girls will despise you for it. It just means you're normal and healthy and nobody is going to see that negatively except you.


----------



## actionman (Jun 4, 2010)

Surelly not all girls are as tall or taller than you in your area..the majority must be smaller? 5"8' isnt that bad.im only a third of an inch taller than you and you are making me feel bad lol. Seriously though..just keep yourself in good shape. A well proportioned body on a 5"'8' man must be appealing to many many women. Yeah lots of women like the 6ft+ers..but not all. PLus that's just usually an 'ideal' or a preference, like we alll have.

Surelly the average height for a woman is around 5"3-4'...so there should be lots of ladies who will be shorter than you..and who you feel comfortable with your own height around.

I myself would love to be 5"10'-6ft..but it's not a big deal. It is part of my BDD..but im sure i'll find a lady who loves me aswell as my height.


----------



## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

Hoth said:


> So you're neither short nor small. That's average height for a man, and a little toward the heavy side of the normal healthy weight range. At any rate it's absurd that you're calling yourself skinny when I've been as much as 50 lbs lighter than you at the same height (while being perfectly healthy).


Damn I don't know Hoth to me a guy who is 5"8" and not even 100 pounds is tiny. I mean that is even tiny on a smaller female build. I'm not much taller than the TC and I look pretty skinny if I weigh 150, but we all have different builds I suppose with respect to height.

I think I've had the small man Napoleon complex for a a long time though, but it hasn't been too bad maybe just a slight chip on the old shoulder. I mean I recognize it is a slight insecurity and for the most part I'm very happy with my body. I'm maybe pushing 5"10" in some nice basketball shoes lol and there is absolute giants at universities, especially if you get involved at the gyms. Hard not to notice some of the athletic monsters well over 6 feet and built like tanks, I'm not talking so much about the tall thin guys. Can't train height though! You work with what you got. I think it is natural to be a little envious of such things that you can't control, but I guess it depends on the degree that it bothers you.


----------



## Manfi (May 30, 2010)

Hoth said:


> So you're neither short nor small. That's average height for a man, and a little toward the heavy side of the normal healthy weight range. At any rate it's absurd that you're calling yourself skinny when I've been as much as 50 lbs lighter than you at the same height (while being perfectly healthy).
> 
> _I still have not put on an ounce since I started it 3 months ago. _
> 
> ...


let me get this straight, you were 100 pounds at one time?!!

@ alex999
you said you ate like crazy and didn't gain any weight, that's simply not true. You have to eat more calories than you burn. I know this is a very simple way of looking at it but at the end of the day there is a lot of truth to it. 
use this calorie calculator to see how much you need to eat (and don't be shocked if it's a lot more than you expected).
http://www.vincedelmontefitness.com/vince_calc.html

edit: that calorie calculator is actually part of an exercise program and the program really emphasizes diet. A more general rule of thumb to calculate how many calories you need to consume is to multiply your weight by 19.


----------



## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

Where do you live that most of the girls are 5'8" or taller?


----------



## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

You're a little too preoccupied about your height, something you can't change. The average height for a guy is 5'9", I believe, so you're average. Facial attractiveness trumps height. I'm at or just under 5'10" (and 130-135 pounds, so scrawnier than you) and when I walk on the streets, I'm surprised by how many guys I pass by who are significantly shorter than me. However, many are good looking, so I can't imagine that they have much trouble with women. Guys like to be taller than women, so I guarantee that whatever your height, you'll find a woman shorter than you.


----------



## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

Dude, you're not short by any stretch. Average. I know guys that are 5'4" -5'5". Now THAT'S short.


----------



## rawrguy (Mar 29, 2008)

Olazet91 said:


> Dude, you're not short by any stretch. Average. I know guys that are 5'4" -5'5". Now THAT'S short.


I'll have to agree with this. I've met guys much muuch shorter than you. They still looked attractive and got girls because their muscle build. Keep lifting and try to get yourself into a muscle building program. There's no way you could get any taller (other than completely dangerous and unnecessary surgery) so embrace your not so short height.


----------



## Kwtrader (Oct 10, 2007)

anomalous said:


> It's funny what you say about feeling so many girls are your height and taller, though, cause I can relate. It's said the average female height in the U.S. is 5'3" or 5'4", but a walk around my college campus seems to conflict with that big time.


i feel that way too. but the lower figure takes in account of older people and other races which is why it is lower. mostly young adult Caucasian at my college ---so the avg is more like 5'11" to 6'0 for guys.


----------



## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

" The worst part is most girls I come across over here are as tall or taller than me, which obviously is a huge crutch since I know for a fact most females are not attracted to short guys."

Let me get this straight: you know for a fact that most women on the entire planet are not attracted to "short" guys? How?

"If I was tall and thin I'd feel better, since tall and thin is pretty much the ideal body girls look for."

Is it? How long are you going to sit there firing bullet after bullet into your self esteem? This is not me being harsh. I'm a recovered self hater. The focus here is on some possible thing that makes you "not good enough" in your eyes. This issue is getting its power from you. You've got loads of good stuff going on that kicks this issue's butt. But without bringing them into the foreground, you can become as tall, thin and muscled as you want. But the insect of insecurity will move. I spent a long time at a party talking to a male model. Why? Because he was too shy to go talk to the girls at the party.

Working out and self improvement are all well and good. And you can change. But beware the insects of insecurity. For they can move.


----------



## jk3456 (Jun 23, 2010)

Olazet91 said:


> Dude, you're not short by any stretch. Average. I know guys that are 5'4" -5'5". Now THAT'S short.


Hey!... Okay I'm short :boogie


----------



## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

Prodigal Son said:


> Damn I don't know Hoth to me a guy who is 5"8" and not even 100 pounds is tiny.


Yes, being under 100 lbs is skinny -- though not necessarily a problem. 140-150 isn't though, it's normal.



manfi said:


> let me get this straight, you were 100 pounds at one time?!!


I was around 100 lbs until age 23 or so. A bit below (maybe 95) at times near the end of high school. 125 now, and I'm happy with it because I don't want to be body builder.


----------



## xstrongandsilentx (Jul 17, 2010)

Hey OP I don't think the height and weight thing is really and issue, I have a friend with the same about weight and height and hes always fighting girls off of him. Hes also a pretty quiet guy like myself but he just always acts like himself and that's what women like I think lol. Another thing, your not short! Confidence is probably the biggest thing weighing all of us down me, you, and prob everyone


----------



## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

5'8 is plenty tall enough. My sister is 5'7 and usually the tallest girl in her classes from highschool through college and amongst all her friends. She's dated plenty of guys at or an inch or 2 below her height. She comments about not being able to wear high heels but really she doesn't care that much. Most women I know are around my height of 5'2 and most don't care that a guy is very taller. They may prefer the guy to be taller but taller doesn't have to be more than a couple inches.

As for build different people have different preferences. Plenty of girls like very light built guys and plenty of girls like guys with a thicker build. Amongst the millions of people out there odds are extremely high you'll find more than a couple who like your looks.

It's not so simple as taking in more calories than you use. Some people have higher metabolisms and burn calories faster so an overall counter is useless for them. Some people just do not store fat easy. As a teenager that was me. I weighed no more than 105lbs until I was over 21. No matter how much or what I ate. Even if I spent several weeks sitting around on my laptop doing nothing. I burnt off food like crazy and ate 4 or 5 meals a day. Someone in my high school also had a disorder where no matter how much she ate she was at risk of losing weight. She was severely underweight and basically told to eat as much food generally considered unhealthy as possible. Not everyone with that problem has to have an actual health issue but there are way too many factors in play to simply say eat more calories.


----------



## Whitney (Oct 2, 2008)

alex999 said:


> I'm only 5'8 140-147 lbs (150 on a good day)


Then you are about the same as my boyfriend. He might be an inch or two taller, but I wouldn't care if he wasn't. And he weighs about 140 lbs. There are plenty of girls out there who like guys that size. I've dated bigger guys before, and now that I'm dating a skinny guy, I realize that I like it much better.


----------



## Blue Bird (Jun 28, 2004)

I like short, small guys, an old roommate was say petite. I'm 5'0".
You're just fine.


----------



## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I dont like my height much either, 5 8 to 5 10 but 175 - 182 , I used to be 200 to 205. 
I think when you measure yourself with a tape meausre it s off though. My fathers 6 '1
6 '2, my cousin 5 11 , my grandafther on dads side , 5 11 , and dads brother 5 10 5 11. I even bought chin up bar , maybe something will happen. Your taller in the beginning of the day then the end of the day cause you tend to grow some at night while horizontal position. I slimmed out some. I m probably in best shape of my life. go figure, but i aged some, but well. I kinda like girls younger below 30. cause I am into faces, even more then bodies. I stretch in certain ways for a few minutes each day and try to use chin up bar as much as I can. I want to be 5 10 5 11

Steve


----------



## Cleary (Nov 10, 2007)

Everyone is tall to me.


----------



## findinglife (Jul 24, 2010)

I'm 5'4" I hate being so short I'm not very muscular as well. I did get lucky in the face and hair area though lol. I've found a few girls in my life that dont care about my height. I do get self consious about it sometimes.


----------



## SAgirl (Nov 15, 2003)

I like short and super skinny guys. It's just my preference.


----------



## lonelygirl88 (Dec 25, 2009)

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I don't consider 5' 8" to be that short. It's a good height. And it's better to be skinny around that height, it makes you look even taller than you are. It's a more suiting combo than someone of that height with more bulk.
Every girl has their own preference, but personally you sound fine to me.


----------



## kreeper (May 21, 2008)

Height does matter to some girls, but I think any girl worth dating would be able to look past the height (assuming she had a problem with it in the first place). My boyfriend is your height, and weighs less than you --- doesn't bother me a bit, and I'm slightly taller than him. And the average height for a girl is still going to be shorter than you, so you being "short" could still appear tall to them.

About the whole bulk thing... Plenty of girls like skinny boys. But if you really feel like it's a problem, maybe you could try getting a personal trainer or something? Or research other workout routines. You don't have to get completely ripped; thin, wiry muscle can be equally or often even more attractive.


----------



## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

To someones eyes, taller equals strength, power, confidence and being protective.
It's like a silver back gorilla leading the pack, extra strong ready to push the group forward

In a girls eyes, it means being safe. It's natures way of trying to survive. Does a girl really want a depressed guy? No, a girl wants a guy who's ready for survival. 

Makes me think, how much of what we think is "free will" and how much of it is programmed into our heads. Ever notice how introvert shy guys really hate the dude bros that walk tall, cocky, and have confidence? It's like those alpha males are interrupting the breeding grounds, they have full control while the shy are pushed to the side to rot in a hole. I face it, nature goes for the best. 

wow, I really am a glass half empty person.


----------



## Elouise1979 (Jul 29, 2010)

You definitely shouldn't worry about being short. You're not even that bad. The last guy I've been with was 5'4 which is the same as me. And I still thought he was attractive.


----------



## calichick (Jul 30, 2010)

Have you tried protein shakes or whatever?

I come from a really tall/skinny background, and my brother has been trying to put on weight this way, because he plays hockey. It actually worked for my cousin, who looks pretty fit right now, but then again, he goes to the gym everyday. Gym buff :\ He does protein shakes too.


----------



## so_so_shy (Sep 5, 2005)

150 pounds is not that skinny for 5'8", its a healthy weight. Thats the same size as me. Back in high school I was only 110 pounds, now THAT was skinny!


----------



## toughcookie (Jul 21, 2010)

My bf is 5'4 or 5'5 and weighs 145 lbs. He's a small guy. I don't mind & no one else seems to notice either.


----------

