# Advise please, creepy guy at work.



## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

Hi, so I have a friend at work that is really starting to creep me out. He sits on my work bench all the time and when I ask him to move he sits across from me and just stares at me, he follows me around when we are on breaks and always tries to talk to me even if it's obvious that I'm busy or just don't want to talk. When we go for coffee on Mondays before my psychologist appointment (it's a two hour wait after work) I get the feeling he thinks we are dating, he tries to buy my coffee and lunch and when we sit to eat it he might as well be sitting on my knee because he gets so close, one day he had me pinned between a wall and him so I couldn't move. He tries to hug me all the time time and hold my hand and he always "accidentally" touches and rubs my thigh. At work one day in the break room he just came up to me from behind and hugged me and another time when we were just hanging out at my house watching a movie because he "couldn't help it", this resulted in me hiding from him for a week at work (I know that's really mean and immature). He has told me that he loves me on more than one occasion and he also told me that hanging out with me and watching movies and playing video games are the only things he likes doing and that's all that makes him happy because he is really depressed. He doesn't like me texting or talking to other guys even if they are just my friends and if he has seen me with another guy friend he asks why I was with him, what we were doing and what we were talking about. I like hanging out with him and he is good to talk to but his behaviour makes my anxiety 10 times worse (which I've told him) when we hang out because I'm scared he's going to try touch me and he's just a really awkward person. I have told him heaps of times that I don't like him and to stop touching me because It's not appropriate and it makes me uncomfortable and it's creeping me out but he still does it, and every time I tell him this he seems to get more touchy feely and creepy. I'm not very good at standing up for myself and telling people things that I think will upset them and I'm pretty much his only friend that he hangs out with outside of work so I feel really bad but I don't know what else to do. I've told him I don't like him in that way and that we are just friends and will only be friends and he needs to accept that but he still keeps being weird to me. I know I should stop hanging out with him, so I won't get coffee with him tomorrow and hang out with him at my house for a while but apart from that I don't know what more I can do. Also this has been going on for a few months now and I told my supervisor some of what he does so she understands why I don't want to work with him anymore, at one stage I didn't want to go to work at all. The main reason I'm trying to sort it out now is because when I told him about the costume party I was going to in the weekend he started asking weird questions about if it fits me and if "things" show when I wear it and he wanted me to take photos and we made plans a while ago to go flatting together at the end of the year but I just can't do it if he's going to be like this.
Has anyone had this kind of thing happen to them before or have any advise on what I can do?


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

I'll read this if you split it into a few paragraphs.


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## mdiada (Jun 18, 2012)

i'd threaten to call the cops. but that's just me.


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## eissejtsuj (Sep 5, 2011)

I'm sorry this is happening to you. But remember you're allowing this to happen. You need to be more assertive in telling him what your boundaries as far as your friendship is concerned, and stick to them! Don't be a doormat or it will just get worse. 

That being said if I were you I'd tell him from now on the only relationship you will have with him is strictly professional and only at work (hence the professional lol). If he breaches your boundaries tell HR without a second thought. Don't feel bad either (as hard as that may be) . He is not respecting your wishes and making your anxiety worse! There is simply no reason to put up with this creeper.


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## gintoniclime41 (Sep 8, 2012)

What kind of place do work at that does absolutely nothing about this issue?

Go to your manager, not your immediate supervisor and explain everything that has been going on. Document each incident, of you do not notice an immediate change either quit or talk to an attorney. 

Harassment like that is taken very seriously nowadays. 

Good luck!


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh-oh... you just used the C word. Get ready for every insecure guy on SAS to come to the creep's defense. :lol



Distance yourself completely if at all possible. He doesn't seem like he wants to harm you, but if you don't feel comfortable that's all that matters. Don't talk to him alone, don't start conversations with him and don't continue the conversation if he approaches you.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

AllToAll said:


> Oh-oh... you just used the C word.


lol. My brain was like "wait, she called him a...oohhhhh"

but yea i dunno how to deal with people like this. luckily i never really have. I'm not good at confrontation either. So maybe hit them in the nose with a newspaper and firmly say "NO!"?


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## Owl-99 (Mar 7, 2012)

From what you have said in your story it really seems to me that you have encouraged this guy big time. He obviously has problems and is looking to you to be his way out, and what you have done inadvertently to him is to reward his behaviour.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

eissejtsuj said:


> That being said if I were you I'd tell him from now on the only relationship you will have with him is strictly professional and only at work (hence the professional lol). If he breaches your boundaries tell HR without a second thought. Don't feel bad either (as hard as that may be) . He is not respecting your wishes and making your anxiety worse! There is simply no reason to put up with this creeper.


This. Don't feel bad that you have to be harsh about it or you may hurt his feelings, he needs to learn that his behavior is not okay.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

I don't think I've encouraged him at all. I've told him we are just friends yet he still does these things. I'm also shocked at the fact that he thinks it's fine to do this stuff in the first place.

Thank you all for your advice  . If it continues I'll tell the head of our department about it and try to be more assertive.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

That seems like an awkward situation. But he needs to be shot down in flames.


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## Chatise19 (Dec 31, 2011)

Why was he at your house?


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Oh-oh... you just used the C word. Get ready for every insecure guy on SAS to come to the creep's defense. :lol
> 
> Distance yourself completely if at all possible. He doesn't seem like he wants to harm you, but if you don't feel comfortable that's all that matters. Don't talk to him alone, don't start conversations with him and don't continue the conversation if he approaches you.


Love is creepy.

*proceeds to defending creeps*

OT: I stopped reading half way through. I've read all that I needed.

Females seem to not understand this simple concept STOP TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH GUYS! Not all men should be distanced but a lot of guys just can not be REAL FRIENDS with girls (unless he's 100% homosexual). Telling him you're just friends will never work.

Tell him straight up.
"Yo, you ugly creepy little boy. Step off or get stepped on and stomped up!"

Maybe, you can have less insults and threats but the gist remains the same. If he doesn't take heed, just leave him alone. Just leave him alone. There is no other way. Friendship isn't pure when one is attracted to the other. The attraction is bound to intrude. In this case, the attraction is what's keeping him around. Don't be fooled. He isn't your friend, he's your arch nemesis.

If you don't want to listen to me, listen to Oscar Wilde. He's definitely right about everything. 
"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. " <--welllll it's a bit extreme but the obvious signs of deep attraction is enough evidence to give reason to distrust your friendship.

The ball is in your court playa, it's time to start shot blockin...or c*** blockin


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

Theologic said:


> "Yo, you ugly creepy little boy. Step off or get stepped on and stomped up!"


what the hell..lol


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

eissejtsuj said:


> I'm sorry this is happening to you. But remember you're allowing this to happen. You need to be more assertive in telling him what your boundaries as far as your friendship is concerned, and stick to them! Don't be a doormat or it will just get worse.


+1 to this. Look, clearly you two want different things, and clearly he doesn't have respect for your wishes. You basically need to put it simply, and frankly, that if he continues to act this way that you will cut your friendship entirely. In all honesty, I think you both would be better off if you did this regardless, because even if he behaves, he will probably still obsess over you, and it will probably keep him from improving his other unhealthy habits (though the worry would be he'd regress further if he lost his only friend).

I would also not get work involved with this yet because he is your friend. Try to take care of this as friend, and if you can't, and cutting your friendship with him doesn't make him stop, then the next step would definitely be to go to HR, and possibly have him fired for sexual harassment.

Good luck, hope he isn't too crazy, and isn't the stalkerish type...


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Theologic said:


> Love is creepy.
> 
> *proceeds to defending creeps*
> 
> ...


No love is romantic, passionate, strong, but creepy is not an adjective one would normally use to describe love....

"Females" can be friends with guys. One of my best friends in HS was a guy (straight), and not every man a woman speaks to will want to be with her. If you had more experience with women you wouldn't feel this way.

I think it goes without saying I didn't read anything more; I've read all that I need.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

It sounds like he doesn't respect you. I'd cut the friendship it sucks but seriously if he cared he would respect that you are not interested.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

Oh and guys and girls can be friends but not if one has a crush on the other and persists in pursuing it even after they have been told it's not mutual. Friends respect one another...


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## 87wayz (Jul 5, 2012)

Indent


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> No love is romantic, passionate, strong, but creepy is not an adjective one would normally use to describe love....
> 
> "Females" can be friends with guys. One of my best friends in HS was a guy (straight), and not every man a woman speaks to will want to be with her. If you had more experience with women you wouldn't feel this way.
> 
> I think it goes without saying I didn't read anything more; I've read all that I need.


*Creepy*
_creep·y__adjective_ /ˈkrēpē/ 
creepier, comparative; creepiest, superlative
Causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease

*Love*
_love__noun_ /ləv/ 
loves, plural
An intense feeling of deep affection

- babies fill parents with intense feelings of _love_
- their *love for* their country

By my definition Love is very creepy. Love is creepy in many ways. Creepy as in unconventional or weird is in line with what with I'd define as love, considering how rare real love is. You don't think love is creepy huh? Well, I've never seen a man in love who didn't act creepy. Then again, with words like love and creepy, there are too many ways to define each two.

Anyways, when I said "I've read enough" I wasn't referring to your post. I put OT: to clarify but I failed, my bad. I meant On topic rather than off topic:doh I forget what OT means. In any case my reply to you was just "love is creepy" everything else was directed at the op. I'm not that rude lol..it was in a joking way anyways.

Oh and pffffftttt! My said lack of knowing women has nothing to do with this. (you don't have a clue anyways lol) It's the man's perspective that throws the real genuine friendship askew. Of course you'd say you were real friends but to me friendship isn't an act it's a feeling and you have no idea what any man is truly feeling. I'm not saying no man or woman can be real friends, one that lacks the intrusion of sexual affection but I do doubt it. You ladies never trust when a man tells you how the male mindframe works..how on earth would you know? Granted, like I said, not ALL, but a lot of guys will not understand the meaning of friendship with a girl they are attracted to.

In this case, I think we both agree that rejecting this guy in some way is in order. Make it happen OP.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Theologic said:


> *Creepy*
> _creep·y__adjective_ /ˈkrēpē/
> creepier, comparative; creepiest, superlative
> Causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease
> ...


Love isn't unpleasant.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> Love isn't unpleasant.


Of course not necessarily. What I mean by love is creepy is that love (in a romantic sense) elicits creepy behavior. I'm not saying love and creepy are synonyms.

Expressing ones love can and, to me, usually is creepy. Have you ever had a guy try and express how much he truly cared about you? Did it not feel unpleasant? the whole idea that someone out there is so interested and affectionate about me, is definitely creepy, ESPECIALLY IF it's unrequited.

I mean think about it. If you are the realistic type of person and you don't idealize romance into what you see on movies...isn't a guy who constantly shows his affection for you creepy, only when you have no interest and aren't attracted to him? If a girl expressed her "love" for me in any way... e.g. valentines card on my porch from a girl I've never talked to, bearing witness to a girl selflessly sing to me although she was extremely nervous, coming to school with a handful of big balloons and a card...sure, it's most certainly sweet but if I didn't like these girls..it would've been more "creepy" than it already was (in the sense that I was uneasy and a little scared. The word creepy is beyond relative..

There are things I would do for a girl IF I was "in love" that would be considered creepy (in a connotation sense) only if she didn't like me...

I witnessed proposals and the whole reason they are even so memorable is because, as a mere witness, THEY WERE CREEPY! Getting on one knee if front of a ton of people would mean nothing if the lady/guy weren't going through unpleasant feelings of fear and unease...that's the whole point. Creepy, as defined by me, isn't the opposite of cute or romantic but rather they can all describe the same act.

Admittedly, for some reason I listed the definitions in my previous post but didn't proceed to explaining my point.

Now, I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm simply trying to shed my perspective on why I made that statement. I assume what you and I consider creepy, or at least how we are using the word currently isn't the same. Words have multiple meanings regardless if it's an official one or not. In this case I'm using creepy in primarily 3 senses.

1. The official google definition
causing unpleasant feelings of fear or unease

2. Urban Dictionary #11
a person who's behavior is obnoxious, weird, or perverted.

3. A personal interpretation of the word creepy
Unconventional or weird
(people use creepy in this sense a lot when a person tries to get with someone but does it in a strange way)

The whole reason why the word creepy...well urban dictionary explains it better...

1. Creepy

adj. An overused slang term for sexually inappropriate or perverted or for attempting to derive sexual gratification through dishonorable means. *Unfortunately, the word has become an abused favorite of melodramatic people who try hard to use the word wherever possible, to the point of rendering the word almost meaningless.*
I hate that really creepy guy who keeps trying to dance with me

A word girls use to describe usually well intentioned guys who haven't the slightest clue about how to interact with females without scaring the **** out of them.

^ I'm assuming these nailed your mindset to a tee huh? I'm assuming so. This isn't and never will be the way I define creepy. Surely, for me, love most definitely is creepy. - the acts that it entails


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Hes obsessed, not in love...


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Theologic said:


> Of course not necessarily. What I mean by love is creepy is that love (in a romantic sense) elicits creepy behavior. I'm not saying love and creepy are synonyms.


You're trying to push a point that doesn't make sense. Let it go.
A neighbor masturbates in front if his window while he looks at women pass by. That's not love, that's f-ing creepy.

The guy the OP is talking about is not experiencing love. He seems desperate.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Jellie said:


> I don't think I've encouraged him at all. I've told him we are just friends yet he still does these things. I'm also shocked at the fact that he thinks it's fine to do this stuff in the first place.
> 
> Thank you all for your advice  . If it continues I'll tell the head of our department about it and try to be more assertive.


Tell him you are not friends anymore because he is creeping you out. If that doesn't stop him report him to human resources.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

AllToAll said:


> You're trying to push a point that doesn't make sense. Let it go.
> A neighbor masturbates in front if his window while he looks at women pass by. That's not love, that's f-ing creepy.
> 
> The guy the OP is talking about is not experiencing love. He seems desperate.


I would agree with you alltoall. The desperate men seem to be the ones who don't have much experience. I find that the more I have sex with women, the less desperate and more picky I become. I find that for me personally, you have to find a woman to be beautiful on the inside and outside in order to have great sex. Not saying you need emotional attachment. But I can't enjoy sex with a *****. I tried that yesterday (an escort for my birthday. Though im not blaming it on her being an escort because ive had some good experiences with them. One of them was amazing) and it was a disaster. I'm tired of "hawt" women doing their little ***** walk on the street or bar/club, thinking that they are the **** and are owed everything because they are physically attractive. Like they are god's gift to men. **** em. These girls can't turn me on sexually by a long shot. They are useless and suck in the sensual arts.

Men shoulder impose higher standards on themselves. Do not grovel and beg at these women. Dont be desperate with women because you only encourage *****y behavior from women when you do. Don't give them an inflated sense of self-importance. It's not about being an ******* or pua. It's about self-respect. Men need to say no to *****es and stop worshipping women who have done nothing to deserve their admiration. A relationship is a 50/50 partnership anyway. No pedestalizing.

To clarify, I'm not saying the OP is like these women. But when men grovel and worship women, they encourage women to behave like *****es and they are responsible for the sucky situation that the modern western man finds himself in in the modern dating scene.


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## lilyamongthorns (Aug 13, 2012)

How are you doing Jellie? Did you get the situation fixed?


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> You're trying to push a point that doesn't make sense. Let it go.
> A neighbor masturbates in front if his window while he looks at women pass by. That's not love, that's f-ing creepy.
> 
> The guy the OP is talking about is not experiencing love. He seems desperate.


So you still don't realize that we're posting about two completely different things huh? The joys of meanings.

I agree with you.


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Theologic said:


> So you still don't realize that we're posting about two completely different things huh? The joys of meanings.
> 
> I agree with you.


You're posting that love, being the intense emotion that it is, can be creepy. I'm saying that's ridiculous. Love could be overwhelming, intense, strong, but not creepy. At least not if you're over 10 years-old.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Haunty said:


> That seems like an awkward situation. But he needs to be shot down in flames.


Agreed. I felt like I was reading one of those stories chronicling a future serial killer. The guy is beyond creepy and you need to put an end to it before things escalate into a murder suicide.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

AllToAll said:


> You're posting that love, being the intense emotion that it is, can be creepy. I'm saying that's ridiculous. Love could be overwhelming, intense, strong, but not creepy. At least not if you're over 10 years-old.


Finally, an appropriate response. Almost but not quite. Foul ball. You are defending your opinion on the emotion and what it elicits. I'm defending the difference between our interpretations & implementation of said emotions. That is the difference and ultimately the reason why we are on two completely different wave lengths.

I'm agreeing with you for the most part.

and lol @ implying that only immature people get creeped out by intense romantic emotion. We are on SAS.....APD, Schizos, etc


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

lilyamongthorns said:


> How are you doing Jellie? Did you get the situation fixed?


It's kind of fixed. He wasn't at work yesterday everything went well...I actually completed a challenge my psychologist set me because we didn't hang out.
He came and tried to talk to me today but I didn't continue the conversation, and I tried to ignore him while he started at me. I'll try to pluck up the courage to tell him we are no longer friends tomorrow if we aren't busy. I feel really bad because he has no other friends.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Theologic said:


> Expressing ones love can and, to me, usually is creepy. Have you ever had a guy try and express how much he truly cared about you? Did it not feel unpleasant? the whole idea that someone out there is so interested and affectionate about me, is definitely creepy, ESPECIALLY IF it's unrequited.


You should be flattered! And why the emphasis on "unrequited love"?



Theologic said:


> A word girls use to describe usually well intentioned guys who haven't the slightest clue about how to interact with females without scaring the **** out of them.


Me in a nutshell. We need to help these men interact with women normally, instead of branding them as "creepy" or "vile", which will only hurt their self-esteem. Since, like you said, they have good intentions...


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

@iAmCodeMonkey - I guess maybe its because they can not picture themselves being with someone like the person who has the crush on them, and the idea of that image or whatever bothers them? Because they feel they are not compatible the idea of being with that person is NOT appealing. 

It is not just girls who feel that way, as an ugly chick, I can tell you. Guys are fine to talk to you but as soon as you seem like you like them they get uncomfortable and fast! 

Every crush I've ever had has been unrequited, and I do my best to keep them secret because well I hate the awkward avoidance, and the looking at me like I'm some kinda of creepy person who would take advantage of them  

And I do like the ones that people generally think are being creepy, yes I would love it if someone thought I was beautiful but its never going to happen. I don't think you can really intervene without hurting the "creepy" guys feelings though. Not sure unless they actually ASK you for advice its going to come off meddling and judgmental... just saying. 

As for the OP her so called friend is not acting like a friend, a friend backs off when you ask them to or even imply it. Or thats my take on it, rejection is rejection. You can't make anyone else feel the same way about you that you feel about them.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

He probably feels you are in a relationship together. He is delusional. 

I'd suggest telling him that you don't want to hang out anymore, and suggest that he get therapy.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

WintersTale said:


> He probably feels you are in a relationship together. He is delusional.
> 
> I'd suggest telling him that you don't want to hang out anymore, and suggest that he get therapy.


I concur!

I was delusional once...

:sigh


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Stop talking to him and don't invite him anymore.


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## WhoDey85 (Sep 6, 2006)

Yeah tell him more assertively next time to stop and your only interested in being friends. If he still bothers you after that it's time to get outside help. Slap a RO on him.


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## au Lait (Sep 8, 2010)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> We need to help these men interact with women normally, instead of branding them as "creepy" or "vile", which will only hurt their self-esteem. Since, like you said, they have good intentions...


I don't think any woman is obligated to help someone who creeps her out. There are definitely some well intentioned people who get labeled unjustly as creeps. But there are also actual creeps who deserve the label. Those are the ones that can end up stalking, harassing, abusing, or worse. It's not always easy to tell the difference. I would say it's more important for the woman (or man) to place their own safety first and foremost. In a situation like this, worrying about hurting someones feelings should come second. I think the best way to help someone who is unknowingly giving off creepy vibes is to be honest with them. If they are self aware and thoughtful, then they will learn from the experience and change for the better.

OP this guy you're talking about has definitely broken some physical and social boundaries. You are not obligated to be nice to him at this point, because there really is no telling how far he'll take this. You don't have to be friends with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. You should tell a manager at work about his behavior.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

au Lait said:


> OP this guy you're talking about has definitely broken some physical and social boundaries. You are not obligated to be nice to him at this point, because there really is no telling how far he'll take this. You don't have to be friends with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. You should tell a manager at work about his behavior.


That's what I'm worried about. When we first started talking and hanging out people were saying "oh don't let him know where you live because he'll stalk you" then I find out that one guy there actually did feel like he was stalking him after they hung out once.

When I told my supervisor she just kinda laughed it off because everyone gets a weird vibe from him (he only does this stuff to me though).


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Jellie said:


> That's what I'm worried about. When we first started talking and hanging out people were saying "oh don't let him know where you live because he'll stalk you" then I find out that one guy there actually did feel like he was stalking him after they hung out once.
> 
> When I told my supervisor she just kinda laughed it off because everyone gets a weird vibe from him (he only does this stuff to me though).


Your supervisor is being naive and frankly stupid about this issue. If he is the kind of guy you say he is, just give him a restraining order and be done with him if he still persists.


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## indigo999 (Jun 7, 2009)

He sound like he has got obvious mental health problems to be honest.There was a guy like that at my last job who scared the girls with his creepiness. Its not funny but half the men on SA forums get told constantly that they are cowards for not approaching women but if they do and they are socially inept or weird in any way they are then called creepy,perverts freaks, etc. He probably has no idea how to get a girlfriend and thinks this is the only way. If you cant let him down gently though you still may have no choice but to tell him to F**k off.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

iAmCodeMonkey said:


> Your supervisor is being naive and frankly stupid about this issue. If he is the kind of guy you say he is, just give him a restraining order and be done with him if he still persists.


Yeah, she isn't listening to me. Even when I was too scared to go downstairs because he was always following me and sitting on my bench she thought it was a joke. I haven't spoken to him since Tuesday, even when he whispers me on WoW.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

indigo999 said:


> He sound like he has got obvious mental health problems to be honest.There was a guy like that at my last job who scared the girls with his creepiness. Its not funny but half the men on SA forums get told constantly that they are cowards for not approaching women but if they do and they are socially inept or weird in any way they are then called creepy,perverts freaks, etc. He probably has no idea how to get a girlfriend and thinks this is the only way. If you cant let him down gently though you still may have no choice but to tell him to F**k off.


He's told me he has some kind of mental problem related to meeting people. Apparantly he's had alot of girlfriends, one recently actually.
I agree that it's not fair, it depends on what they say and do I guess. I wouldn't care if a shy/nervous or whatever guy came up and talked to me as long as he wasn't acting like this guy from work because it's just too full on.


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## Marvel Fantatic (Aug 23, 2012)

Sounds like this is something you're responsible for. Lunch with a coworker is understandable. But letting him watch movies with you at your house? Going to your therapist appointments with you? You say he creeps you out yet you say you enjoy talking to him. You need to cut ties with him not encourage this behavior.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

Jellie said:


> Yeah, she isn't listening to me. Even when I was too scared to go downstairs because he was always following me and sitting on my bench she thought it was a joke. I haven't spoken to him since Tuesday, even when he whispers me on WoW.


Don't talk to him in any way, shape, or form, as he may be taking the attention you are giving him as a sign that you are still "friends" with him.

If you keep ignoring him, he should get the hint and stop bugging you. If he doesn't stop, tell your supervisor again and be more upfront about it. If she does not do anything and he really IS harassing you but doesn't take the hint or can't see it from his perspective, let him know that you will call the police if he tries to talk to you again. That should scare him straight. It worked for me... P.S: I was the ex-stalker.

I wish you good luck with this particular problem.


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## shnbwmn (Jul 13, 2012)

You'd think that after telling him you don't like him that he'd get the picture, but yea, some guys think that persistence will somehow cause the girl to change their mind. Sit him down, and tell him straight out that you have no feelings for him AT ALL, and that if he continues this you're going to files charges against him.


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

Marvel Fantatic said:


> Sounds like this is something you're responsible for. Lunch with a coworker is understandable. But letting him watch movies with you at your house? Going to your therapist appointments with you? You say he creeps you out yet you say you enjoy talking to him. You need to cut ties with him not encourage this behavior.


He never came to my appointments with me. He only waited in town with me after work and before the appointment. Friends can hang out and watch movies at each others houses. It's not my fault he can't understand that.


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## phoenixwright (Jun 22, 2011)

au Lait said:


> I don't think any woman is obligated to help someone who creeps her out. There are definitely some well intentioned people who get labeled unjustly as creeps. But there are also actual creeps who deserve the label. Those are the ones that can end up stalking, harassing, abusing, or worse. It's not always easy to tell the difference. I would say it's more important for the woman (or man) to place their own safety first and foremost. In a situation like this, worrying about hurting someones feelings should come second. I think the best way to help someone who is unknowingly giving off creepy vibes is to be honest with them. If they are self aware and thoughtful, then they will learn from the experience and change for the better.
> 
> OP this guy you're talking about has definitely broken some physical and social boundaries. You are not obligated to be nice to him at this point, because there really is no telling how far he'll take this. You don't have to be friends with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. You should tell a manager at work about his behavior.


I would slap this guy for the way that he's behaving. But he could just be a clueless Aspie or some guy with horrendous social skills. You never know. You can't just assume this guy is a predator and that you need to get the manager involved right away. As a guy with poor social skills myself (but obviously not that impaired), I feel for the guy. Being made to feel like a creep when you are the furthest thing from one is a very unpleasant thing.

I called out a female friend once for making me feel like a creep (when all I did was playfully motion to feed her a mini-doughnut to her mouth at an amusement park. We had talked and build rapport for a month+. It was just a playful gesture and I figured that we were comfortable enough with each other that she'd be ok with that. But she saw the feeding the doughnut thing as a sign that I wanted us to be a couple and she was getting her female friend to avoid me. And I called her out on her behaviour. Pointing out that I'm not a creep and I feel like she's treating me like one) and she was apologetic about it. You have to have some self-respect and challenge women. Because North American women in 2012 generally have little respect for men anymore and they have a streak of hostility towards men. It's always creeper this, creeper that. When really creeper is just code for "guy who I'm not attracted to is communicating interest towards me."

Be very, very firm with him: I am Just Not Into You (TM). I'm not attracted to you and never will be. Your behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable. If he continues on say: If you continue to make me feel uncomfortable, I can't be friends with you and I will have to take it up with the manager.


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## iAmCodeMonkey (May 23, 2010)

phoenixwright said:


> I would slap this guy for the way that he's behaving. But he could just be a clueless Aspie or some guy with horrendous social skills. You never know. You can't just assume this guy is a predator and that you need to get the manager involved right away. As a guy with poor social skills myself (but obviously not that impaired), I feel for the guy. Being made to feel like a creep when you are the furthest thing from one is a very unpleasant thing.
> 
> Be very, very firm with him: I am Just Not Into You (TM). I'm not attracted to you and never will be. Your behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable. If he continues on say: If you continue to make me feel uncomfortable, I can't be friends with you and I will have to take it up with the manager.


Good advice is given here.


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## The Sorrow (Aug 29, 2012)

The topic of this tread is: Creeps vs Creeps.:teeth


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

Marvel Fantatic said:


> Sounds like this is something you're responsible for. Lunch with a coworker is understandable. But letting him watch movies with you at your house? Going to your therapist appointments with you? You say he creeps you out yet you say you enjoy talking to him. You need to cut ties with him not encourage this behavior.


I agree that it probably wasn't the best thing to hang out with him if you had a bad feeling about him from the start. And I think it's good you've cut ties with him. But I do however not agree that you are responsible for his actions. After all he is the one who's making YOU uncomfortable not the other way around.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I've also had a creepy guy who was my co worker. I was not attracted to him at all and he got his girlfriend pregnant and is lazy at his own job. Anyways, he would give me unwanted attention and talk about me and I just tried my best to ignore him. One time I had to lock myself in the bathroom when he was trying to make conversation with me. Just to let you know, my dad is the boss of the company. So I told my dad that the co worker was making me feel uncomfortable and giving me unwanted attention.... a few months later, the guy got fired and I was so happy. He got fired because he was too lazy to work. Anyways, I know how hard it can be to get a guy you're not interested in to leave you alone because I have dealt with that a lot of times throughout my life. Just try your best to ignore him and if he doesn't get the hint, then you should really get a restraining order from the police. That's what I would do because there are a lot of guys out there that just don't know when to stop.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

Just tell him he's not hot enough to be around you and that if he tries to force his ugly presence near you again you'll call the cops on him and tell them he was trying to harrass you.

I feel your pain. It sucks having these less than beautiful people always trying to get close to me. Can't they see I'm way out of their league? I guess not. I once had this girl at work approach me all the time and try to chat. She was a 4/10 if we're being generous, and I was just completely creeped out by her. She didn't wear expensive makeup or have nice hair and good skin. And she was always saying really creepy things like, "you know, I really like working with you John. You're so funny and you make me look forward to coming here." Gross, right?





People like you are downright unpleasant.


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## Canucklehead (Aug 28, 2012)

opcorn


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

Rainbat said:


> Just tell him he's not hot enough to be around you and that if he tries to force his ugly presence near you again you'll call the cops on him and tell them he was trying to harrass you.
> 
> I feel your pain. It sucks having these less than beautiful people always trying to get close to me. Can't they see I'm way out of their league? I guess not. I once had this girl at work approach me all the time and try to chat. She was a 4/10 if we're being generous, and I was just completely creeped out by her. She didn't wear expensive makeup or have nice hair and good skin. And she was always saying really creepy things like, "you know, I really like working with you John. You're so funny and you make me look forward to coming here." Gross, right?
> 
> People like you are downright unpleasant.


Lol wth is wrong with you? Her issue obviously isn't with his appearance.


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## Rainbat (Jan 5, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> Lol wth is wrong with you? Her issue obviously isn't with his appearance.


If a guy with a better appearance were doing the same things, she wouldn't make as much of an issue of it. In fact, she'd probably be flattered.

Everything boils down to looks.


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## Stilla (May 13, 2009)

*If they hear the word creepy... they shall come.*


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

Rainbat said:


> Just tell him he's not hot enough to be around you and that if he tries to force his ugly presence near you again you'll call the cops on him and tell them he was trying to harrass you.
> 
> I feel your pain. It sucks having these less than beautiful people always trying to get close to me. Can't they see I'm way out of their league? I guess not. I once had this girl at work approach me all the time and try to chat. She was a 4/10 if we're being generous, and I was just completely creeped out by her. She didn't wear expensive makeup or have nice hair and good skin. And she was always saying really creepy things like, "you know, I really like working with you John. You're so funny and you make me look forward to coming here." Gross, right?
> 
> People like you are downright unpleasant.


What the hell was that?
Because the reason I feel creeped out by this guy couldn't possibly be because he tells me he loves me and hugs me and does all sorts of other weird things that I've told him many times not to do? It's just me being a stuck up b***h right?


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## Jellie (Jun 6, 2012)

Rainbat said:


> If a guy with a better appearance were doing the same things, she wouldn't make as much of an issue of it. In fact, she'd probably be flattered.
> 
> Everything boils down to looks.


I never said he was ugly, he is good looking.


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