# If I'm so awesome, why does no-one want me?



## Serpentine (Mar 1, 2011)

Seriously, if I'm such a beautiful and wonderful person, why can I not be with the person I love... also, why do i just get weirdos giving me attention? Why am I never good enough? What's wrong with me? 

Fallen into a downward spiral of self loathing, been cutting alot, I don't know what to do. I honestly think I'm disgustingly ugly. I just want to escape, get away somewhere. Leave everyone behind that hurts me. Why am I always being treated like sh1t... I don't know if I deserve it or it's the people that treat me badly.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


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## SOME (Jul 13, 2009)

Serpentine said:


> also, why do i just get weirdos giving me attention?
> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


weirdos? Oh! you mean nice guys..

If no one else like you, just get with the "weirdos" get to know them.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Who told you that you're awesome? Maybe they aren't good at rating individuals awesomeness.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Define "weirdos", "beautiful", and "wonderful".

Whom aren't you good enough for? If you are talking about some idealistic character that you made up, maybe you should lower your standards and come back to reality. If you're talking about a real person who you like, but doesn't feel the same way, well, then you're just gonna have to deal with it and move on. It's a tough thing to do, but it's a learning process. Not everyone who you have a crush on is going to crush on you back. In fact, it's actually kinda rare.

It's kinda hard to respond to vague posts, so pardon me if this is nowhere near what you were getting at.


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## Ashkat (Feb 20, 2011)

thekloWN said:


> Define "weirdos", "beautiful", and "wonderful".
> 
> Whom aren't you good enough for? If you are talking about some idealistic character that you made up, maybe you should lower your standards and come back to reality. If you're talking about a real person who you like, but doesn't feel the same way, well, then you're just gonna have to deal with it and move on. It's a tough thing to do, but it's a learning process. Not everyone who you have a crush on is going to crush on you back. In fact, it's actually kinda rare.
> 
> It's kinda hard to respond to vague posts, so pardon me if this is nowhere near what you were getting at.


I feel like that was in a weird way aimed towards me...:cry...lol..smh


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Ashkat said:


> I feel like that was in a weird way aimed towards me...:cry...lol..smh


 How could that be aimed towards you? :sus


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## Ashkat (Feb 20, 2011)

thekloWN said:


> How could that be aimed towards you? :sus


oh Idk...maybe THIS> "Not everyone who you have a crush on is going to crush on you back. In fact, it's actually kinda rare."

I need to take your advice...:cry

:haha
"


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

I am assuming that you're female...so every time a female even slightly dares to post anything about her having problems with the opposite sex then she's told that she should just take what she could get or that what she describes as a "weirdo" is in fact a nice guy.Because of course women have it soo much easier than men right??
The resentment towards women on here just amazes me sometimes..(sorry,I'm having a crappy day and I'm tired of this kind of thinking)

This is clearly a person that needs help and then you just make fun of her.Great.

I doubt that you are disgustingly ugly,but I know how it is to loathe yourself.You need to try and change your thinking because when you're in that state of mind you're just going to attract the wrong type of guys.Everyone is rejected when it comes to the opposite sex so don't it get to you.
Maybe you should try and go to theraphy?


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

She does equate no-one to weirdos. That's were vagueness ensues.

Please be safe.


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

I feel you, but this is SA website right.. maybe the reason nobody is wanting you is bc you don't go out enough or to the right places to meet them? Just saying it's probably not who you are, but where you are - literally. lol


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## countingthecars (Feb 25, 2011)

it's cliche, but you attract what you put out. if you are negative, you will get negative. if you are positive, you'll attract positive people. love yourself before you love others and all that. and you don't have to settle and lower your standards just so you won't have to be alone!


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## Jessie203 (Feb 20, 2008)

^ That's true also. I need that advice myself glad I came back to see lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

If you choose to be with someone your not content with then you'll end up being less happy so why not just enjoy being single while it's here? Of course, I realize that is a harder thing to do than say but it starts with acceptance and everything else is good.


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## pjm1978 (Sep 28, 2009)

This girl admitted to cutting herself in her post and people reply by making fun of her. Just because no girl will give you losers the time of day is no reason to bash on a girl that is really hurting.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

She hasnt posted back, do you think she might have just been a troll here? The title is a little cocky if you ask me. If it was just "why does no one want me" then I could see it being serious. But saying "i'm so awesome why does no one want me" sounds like she thinks the world owes her everything. 
That's probably why nobody likes her, she is too cocky.


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## Chris16 (Nov 1, 2010)

keithp said:


> She hasnt posted back, do you think she might have just been a troll here? The title is a little cocky if you ask me. If it was just "why does no one want me" then I could see it being serious. But saying "i'm so awesome why does no one want me" sounds like she thinks the world owes her everything.
> That's probably why nobody likes her, she is too cocky.


I think that "if" in the title makes a huge difference. I think she's referring to all the positive reinforcement you get whenever you vocalize your issues to others, not expressing how she thinks of herself.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

keithp said:


> She hasnt posted back, do you think she might have just been a troll here? The title is a little cocky if you ask me. If it was just "why does no one want me" then I could see it being serious. But saying "i'm so awesome why does no one want me" sounds like she thinks the world owes her everything.
> That's probably why nobody likes her, she is too cocky.


Seriously, gtfo. I think she was a new poster with serious problems. She's probably been told by family(?/other) that she's beautiful and a great catch, but that does not equal the circumstances of her social life.

I think some people on this forum are too much on troll patrol because a person has communication differences and/or troubles.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

I'm really bad at giving advice on certain things, but I tried. Didn't realise I came off as a dick while doing it.


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## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

thekloWN said:


> I'm really bad at giving advice on certain things, but I tried. Didn't realise I came off as a dick while doing it.


Yeah, right on.

What the ____ has _________ done? (adlibs!)


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

countingthecars said:


> it's cliche, but you attract what you put out. if you are negative, you will get negative. if you are positive, you'll attract positive people. love yourself before you love others and all that. and you don't have to settle and lower your standards just so you won't have to be alone!


 There is the answer to your question. You really do have to love yourself before you can be loved by anyone else. Which is exactly what I've been trying to do.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

Mercurochrome said:


> Seriously, gtfo. I think she was a new poster with serious problems. She's probably been told by family(?/other) that she's beautiful and a great catch, but that does not equal the circumstances of her social life.
> 
> I think some people on this forum are too much on troll patrol because a person has communication differences and/or troubles.


Agreed.

And *Unknown*, you didn't come off as a dick in my opinion, but your post was the third of three that in varying degrees challenged some aspect of what original post, and so collectively the response she got seemed kind of defensive.

Sadly, if she's gone it may be because she didn't get a real warm welcome. Her OP could be interpreted as being a bit self absorbed, but then people in crisis can seem really self absorbed. I feel some responsibility because I kind of idly watched this, knowing it likely wouldn't turn out well. But maybe I'm wrong.

To the OP, sorry you're hurting, and I hope you can find some healthier ways to cope besides hurting yourself.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

> She hasnt posted back, do you think she might have just been a troll here? The title is a little cocky if you ask me. If it was just "why does no one want me" then I could see it being serious. But saying "i'm so awesome why does no one want me" sounds like she thinks the world owes her everything. That's probably why nobody likes her, she is too cocky


To be honest I thought this person was making a dig at your okcupid profile thread.


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## keithp (Mar 13, 2007)

stylicho said:


> To be honest I thought this person was making a dig at your okcupid profile thread.


That's so funny of you to mention. I'm just stating my opinion, you think she would have replied back by now if this was an important issue to her. If she does cut herself, not replying back isn't helping her, you need to talk often here so you dont feel alone.


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## Milco (Dec 12, 2009)

Serpentine said:


> also, why do i just get weirdos giving me attention?


I don't know you and I don't know the people that have given you attention, but..

When you're self-loathing, feel 'disgustingly ugly', and feel people always treat you badly and never want you.. You probably know where I'm going, right?
We do get comfort from confirming our understanding of the world, even if that confirmation is negative.
If you have those low thoughts of yourself, it's easy to write off anybody that actually has interest in you as "weirdos", and then discount their interest and go on feeling nobody wants you.
Just be careful in trying not to succumb to that.

I'm sorry the person you like doesn't like you back in the same way.
That does happen, and it happens quite a bit. :\
Hope you feel better soon.


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## pjm1978 (Sep 28, 2009)

Is someone calling themselves awesome really such a bad thing?


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## zebra00 (Dec 28, 2010)

SOME said:


> weirdos? Oh! you mean nice guys..
> 
> lmfao!!


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## NikNak31 (Feb 25, 2011)

kathy903 said:


> I feel you, but this is SA website right.. maybe the reason nobody is wanting you is bc you don't go out enough or to the right places to meet them? Just saying it's probably not who you are, but where you are - literally. lol


My problem exactly, well said.


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## sabueed (May 8, 2008)

countingthecars said:


> it's cliche, but you attract what you put out. if you are negative, you will get negative. if you are positive, you'll attract positive people. love yourself before you love others and all that. and you don't have to settle and lower your standards just so you won't have to be alone!


I heard this said time and time again, but I don't believe it will get you what you want. How can loving yourself get people to be attracted to you? Seriously, I am not trying to be an *** or anything, but how can you get people to really believe that, I mean it is a shallow world after all, and most of us are guilty of being shallow. Most people care about looks, popularity, and wealth.

Also, I understand what the OP's going through, and I think many people on here are being inconsiderate towards her feelings.


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

sabueed said:


> I heard this said time and time again, but I don't believe it will get you what you want. How can loving yourself get people to be attracted to you? Seriously, I am not trying to be an *** or anything, but how can you get people to really believe that, I mean it is a shallow world after all, and most of us are guilty of being shallow. Most people care about looks, popularity, and wealth.


Hmm, but there are people out there who.. best way i can describe it is they give off an aura that just makes people around them want to like them, and thats without having any idea as to their popularity or wealth, and often these people have average looks. So i think it's definitely possible to attract people based on the way you act, and the way you act is based on the way you think so.. yeah, in the end, it all comes down to what's in your head. Although i don't think it's as simple as just 'love yourself' or being positive.

Typing rubbish again lol.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Plenty of bitter and damaged people are in relationships.

If the key is to loving yourself, why are these people in relationships? And why am I single?

I tried loving myself for years. The problem was, nobody else wanted to love me.


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## Andrew1980 (Feb 28, 2009)

Using the word "weirdo" amongst a bunch of men who are considered weirdos half the time is probably not a good idea


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

WintersTale said:


> Plenty of bitter and damaged people are in relationships.
> 
> If the key is to loving yourself, why are these people in relationships? And why am I single?
> 
> I tried loving myself for years. The problem was, nobody else wanted to love me.


Asking why your single can be a bad question to ask yourself, and not because "you suck at life" but because being single doesn't always involve your own reasons but often because theirs!

Sometimes I really don't care and other times I do, but I've been putting much more emphasis into not caring simply because I refuse to allow "being single" as a drag. Life isn't about defining your happiness by another person, so **** it. I guess the first step is realizing that happiness can be acheived without a relationship and be content with that. That is what I'll be aiming for, and really, I'm already there but only about 80-90% realized.


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## kiwikiwi (Jul 27, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Plenty of bitter and damaged people are in relationships.
> 
> If the key is to loving yourself, why are these people in relationships? And why am I single?
> 
> I tried loving myself for years. The problem was, nobody else wanted to love me.


Plenty of friends and acquaintances around me have been in long term relationships for years and years , ending even in marriage and kids despite the casual short term scene in this big city I live in and I am perplexed how someone with deep flaws and problems, like I personally know them to have can pull such relationships out of nowhere and happily so.

and no they are not great talkers,nor do they have great looks , or a lot of money but there they are anyways , so I understand what the OP is talking about when you are given compliments but it doesn't match up with reality.


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## KumagoroBeam (Sep 15, 2008)

Chris16 said:


> I think that "if" in the title makes a huge difference. I think she's referring to all the positive reinforcement you get whenever you vocalize your issues to others, not expressing how she thinks of herself.


That's what I thought, too.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

sabueed said:


> I heard this said time and time again, but I don't believe it will get you what you want. How can loving yourself get people to be attracted to you? Seriously, I am not trying to be an *** or anything, but how can you get people to really believe that, I mean it is a shallow world after all, and most of us are guilty of being shallow. Most people care about looks, popularity, and wealth.
> 
> Also, I understand what the OP's going through, and I think many people on here are being inconsiderate towards her feelings.


Most people care about looks, popularity and wealth? No they don't. This is real life not high school. There is shallowness in this world but the world is a far less shallow place then many on here believe it is.

If you connect with, ground yourself in and love the self you are now, you don't need to "get people to believe it". Mainly because it has nothing to do with approval seeking or overly seeking validation from other people.

Time and time again on this forum, people give the authority to decide whether they are attractive or not to other people. And that's a pretty good way of messing with how attractive you end up being.

Yesterday, I walked half an hour to the social meeting I was going to. I'd just come back from my therapy training having passed and I was on top of the world. I felt good about myself and happy. I walked and got a lot of attention from the women that I passed.

Contrast that with going to the shops just now. I'm not feeling gud at the moment and I didn't get much attention at all.

So many people on here are worried about what to say or do when they see someone like because they think external things like money, looks etc are what will or won't make them attractive. Or what they have to say in that or this situation is the only way to be attractive.

Nope. Grounding in the self is a very powerful and authentic way to become attractive and things like social skills and relationships skills follow in the wake of doing that because you feel good, you get out there and you trust yourself to go for those things in life you want so you pretty much can't help but get more experience socialising etc.

If you are a straight guy, ask yourself this: is it up to a woman to tell you you are good enough or are you going to make that decision for yourself?


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

Serpentine said:


> Seriously, if I'm such a beautiful and wonderful person, why can I not be with the person I love... also, why do i just get weirdos giving me attention? Why am I never good enough? What's wrong with me?
> 
> Fallen into a downward spiral of self loathing, been cutting alot, I don't know what to do. I honestly think I'm disgustingly ugly. I just want to escape, get away somewhere. Leave everyone behind that hurts me. Why am I always being treated like sh1t... I don't know if I deserve it or it's the people that treat me badly.
> 
> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


Meeting the right people can be tough and very frustrating. Maybe you could go into more detail about your experiences then we might be able to help a bit more. Anyway, I hope you can come through your depression and i'm fairly sure you are probably being too hard on yourself.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

WintersTale said:


> Plenty of bitter and damaged people are in relationships.
> 
> If the key is to loving yourself, why are these people in relationships? And why am I single?
> 
> I tried loving myself for years. The problem was, nobody else wanted to love me.


Yes, plenty of bitter and damaged people are in relationships. Loving yourself is loving yourself warts and all. It's not denying the damage, it's dealing with it.

Loving yourself is not the only way to get into a relationship. It is, however, one of the most powerful ways you have to become more attractive and go beyond your comfort zone.

You tried loving yourself? Well done for giving it a go but what exactly stopped you from doing it? It's not about seeking permission from other people to love yourself. Doesn't matter what they think for the moment. It's about you connecting with who you are right now and owning that.

If you want a relationship and get into one then she's going to meet the real you soon enough so you may as well be that guy from the start. Some people think you put on this big show and technique thing and the girl gets attracted and then you can be yourself. Nah, not a good option. You're a man not a performing monkey shouting: "please validate me".

Who you are is a good person. What you like is good. What you are interested in is interesting.


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## stranger25 (Apr 29, 2010)

This is basically what I mean when I say women stereotype men out. "weirdos"?? guys are weirdos to you? seems like you're basically stereotyping men who don't fit your standards or ideal prince charming...

it's easier to call someone a weirdo 5 seconds after looking at them instead of getting to know them for a while.....


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Come back OP, I am sorry for the sins I have committed.


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## Some Russian Guy (Mar 20, 2009)

weirdos are those who still use dos


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

*She hasn't been back since the 1st. With the behavior that showed up in this thread, you guys probably scared her away and reinforced her feelings of inadequacy. You have to think about people's feelings before you post! The people who come here have Social Anxiety! They tend to have low self esteem already. You guys should know this by now. That's why you are here. If this is the way you treat women then it's no wonder that you're single. Show a little respect and stop treating everything as if its a joke.*


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