# plenty of fish



## ChadsWick1234 (Oct 31, 2009)

I just messge this girl after I read her profile when she stated I can't find a decent guy. I wrote back saying their are plenty of nice guys out their I am am one of them. I said more then that and probably came across as an *** but I get tired of women saying this crap. Their are plenty of good guys on this forum. who say they can't get women. I think most women atleast when their younger don't even know what they want. People are so freaking fake and shallow it works both ways.


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

I can't find a decent girl. It doesn't meen I think all girls are man-soul devouring harpies. Let downs tend to make you cynical in my experience. You seem to be taking offence over her having probably at least to her - an informed opinion from her experiences. I don't think that's particularly shallow in itself.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

I know this , I cant find anyone either and its such a damn shame. I'm a great person and it does'nt make sense at all. Either I am search in all the wrong places or something. I'm not sure what it is. I dont get it.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

She meant she can't find a decent guy that she likes.


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## stylicho (Nov 8, 2003)

For guys feeling the poor me syndrome check out this site. 
http://www.menshealth.com/men/sex-r.../article/a1756bd750602210VgnVCM10000030281eac
Apparently even the outgoing types have a hard time.


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## mrfixit (Jun 25, 2009)

when a female says "decent guy" it does not necessarily mean exactly how you define a decent guy. 

her definition for "not a decent guy" maybe a guy with big muscles and spiky hair who treated her like chicken sht.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

We might think we are decent guys, but the women may not. I think what they are looking for is not just someone nice and dependable, there are many guys like that but that alone doesnt make you a decent guy from a womans perspective. They are looking for some or all of the following. Are you handsome, do you have personality, do you have an interesting life, do you have a good job and do you have ambition. On these dating sites women are getting a lot of messages and i know that some are not really using the site seriously, so really you have to message loads of women if you are to get anywhere and consider changing your profile, your picture or how you come across when chatting with them.


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## TRENNER (Sep 21, 2009)

Internet dating is known for being exasperating--with low yields from a high volume of women contacted. A lot of women on these sites aren't serious about meeting anyone and/or have ridiculous expectations.


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## Dusky (Nov 5, 2009)

I haven't met a decent guy yet who was available and also interested in me, but I don't think there are no decent guys; there's plenty of 'em! At the same time, you also have to become what they would want as well. In the last year and a half, I've let depression and stress get to me again and quit working out. As my dad said, I'd be a great catch if it weren't for my weight and soon it'll be my age too.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I think that response needs more detail. Most women are thinking they can't find a nice guy who'd they'd actually want to date. Sure there are nice guys but the number that are also someone you'd like a relationship with are pretty low. A lot of "nice guys" are clingy, low self esteem, or can't stand up for themselves at all. That's part of why they are seen as the nice guy. Finding someone with confidence and their own life (I've had plenty of guys with no life try to take over mine) is also somewhat difficult. Put those traits together with finding a guy who isn't a jerk and it can be very difficult. Especially online. There are a ton of guys on dating sites who just want sex and will say anything to get it. I think every woman reaches the breaking point with online dating rather quickly. I gave it up for awhile after being on POF for a year because I'd gotten so jaded and annoyed with all the crappy messages I'd gotten. I finally tried again on okcupid and had some better luck but still had to wade through several less than impressive messages a week. It was only about every 4-6months that I found someone I wanted to talk to much less date and I really wasn't being that picky. I answered everyone that didn't come off as only wanting sex or send me hardly readable messages. Seriously the grammar and sentence structure you get while online dating is pathetic. I finally put in my profile that I wasn't answering anyone who sent me a 10 line run on sentence among a few other things like the guy who sent me a message in 1337. It's pretty hard not to get frustrated.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

"Akane", I doubt you'll find much sympathy for your over-the-top pickiness from guys on this forum, who are probably the same type of guys you reject. I'm with you on the spelling/grammar aspect, but what exactly are you looking for? You don't want a "nice guy" and you don't want a jerk. What's that leave you? And since when has being nice and kind become a fault? 

I wonder why women even bother to engage in online dating if they don't want to give anyone a chance.


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## _AJ_ (Jan 23, 2008)

"decent" as in attractive, confident and is totally in love with her and wants only her


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## jmoop (Jul 12, 2009)

Akane said:


> A lot of "nice guys" are clingy, low self esteem, or can't stand up for themselves at all.


I agree. I have dated guys like this and they are boring. They don't offer any sense of individuality or show any kind of spine. They do whatever they think it takes to make their date "happy" which means their own aspirations are thrown out the window. Of course nobody "wants" to date jerks/abusers, but those types are attractive because they present the illusion of being a confident person and have a bit of mystery surrounding them (as opposed to the nice guy, who tells all including his embarrassing secrets to the first woman who shows the slightest interest in him).

I too got similar messages when I was on PoF/OKCupid from those who hadn't paid attention in 4th grade grammar class, those who wanted to use the least amount of effort to snag a one night stand and "nice guys".


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## herb the dolphin (Mar 26, 2010)

IcedOver said:


> "Akane", I doubt you'll find much sympathy for your over-the-top pickiness from guys on this forum, who are probably the same type of guys you reject. I'm with you on the spelling/grammar aspect, but what exactly are you looking for? You don't want a "nice guy" and you don't want a jerk. What's that leave you? And since when has being nice and kind become a fault?
> 
> I wonder why women even bother to engage in online dating if they don't want to give anyone a chance.


I think the problem is that too many guys go wayyy too far from the beginning. Every girl knows what a line sounds like, and they know that repeating it doesn't always mean you're an interesting person.

I'd focus more on making yourself stand out somehow-- by doing things that guys never do... like listen, or try not to think about sex, or talk about things that no one else talks about, or disagree from time to time, or basically just treat the girl you like as if she's a decent human being that you respect (though some guys don't seem to know how to really respect other people), then maybe you'll get somewhere. Maybe not, though.

I think girls also like it when they know you'll be happy with or without them, which is something a lot of guys can't really say... so you'll have to fake it. Also, a lot of guys are more comfortable with someone who is less intelligent than they are, but with some or most girls it seems to be the opposite... so yeah, bad grammar, poor communication skills, inarticulate speech, cheesy, corny little sayings from 1958-- all will have to go.

Anyway, some people are just so insecure they really have no business being in a relationship anyway-- girls can probably get away with it more than guys can, however.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'm at that point I don't care what they think anymore... it is just the same stuff I hear all the time, so why should I pay any attention anyway? Next...


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## Freiheit (Dec 8, 2008)

I find it that I END UP falling for guys that aren't decent and aren't worth my time. That is my problem. I wish I could like a guy that actually feels the same way I do and also respects me and doesn't treat me as a joke. I know there are decent guys out there, I've seen them. I just wish I would be in control of who I like, but it just doesn't work that way. I'm living in fantasy land.


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## Akane (Jan 2, 2008)

I reread my posts and emails a dozen times to check for mistakes. I then read them again after posting them. If you are going to message someone on a dating site is it that hard to proof read your message? Stick a period here and there. Make sure you don't have 5 "and" in a single sentence. I answered everyone who did not send me a message that was obvious laziness, an obvious canned response they were sending to every girl they came across, or full of shirtless and/or crotch pics. I think those are completely acceptable screening methods. If you can't take 5 minutes to double check your message or to actually read someone's profile and respond to it instead of copy and paste the same message to everyone then you are far too lazy and uncaring for me to date you.

Also take a look at my status. I am married. I married someone off those dating sites after dating several guys so my standards work perfectly well. I didn't say I would never date a nice guy. I just said they can have negative qualities which makes many of them undesireable to many if not most women. That doesn't mean every guy is either a jerk or full of those negative traits. There are nice guys with confidence and a life. Women do get frustrated finding those guys though. Especially since they tend to get taken quickly and online dating is full of jerks or guys you don't want to date for one reason or another just like in your life off the internet. I do martial arts, sports with my dog, go hiking, etc.. and I meet guys. The number I've wanted to date who were not taken is about 3 out of every 2 dozen. I'd say that's a pretty normal number for most girls who aren't just looking to have a one night stand. There were also plenty of guys online I would have gladly met and possibly dated but they were too scared to ask me out. Half were even too scared to message me first even after we'd had multiple conversations so I'd give it several attempts to nudge them that direction and eventually sit back and wait. Quite a few never messaged me again and the others the conversation just idled and eventually died. I'd give up and go find someone else to talk to who might have the courage to actually take things beyond the internet.

Every woman wants a nice guy but every woman has dozens of reasons for who they will and will not date. Those reasons are different for every one but they end up disqualifying a lot of those nice guys they are looking for. Unfortunately that is just life. Argue it all you want but you can't change who someone is attracted to. That's beyond logic and reasoning.


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

This thread is just proof that having standards is important. 

Sure, it does work both ways, but i hear women say they can't find a decent guy more often than a guy says he can't find a decent girl. I dunno what guys are looking for, but it seems to me that we're maybe looking for different things?

In my view, it's better to give few a chance than everyone. Especially when everyone sounds so desperate to hook-up and/or settle down. The divorce rate is high here in the US...


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

I remember putting a fake profile - The Chadster - on PoF. He was a major jerk who was looking for babes with juicy juggs. I used a blonde male model pic. He got PLENTY of emails. PoF sould stand for plenty of freaks.


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## Star Zero (Jun 1, 2010)

MichaelWesten said:


> HAHAHA. I remember I made a name to trick a buddy on there. I made a girl in the same area with a fake picture and joked around with him for awhile. I think I was trying to get him to wear a crazy hat to a public place so I would recognize him.
> 
> Anyway, the thing that amazed me was how many messages I got on a daily basis. I probably got 100+ messages a day and when you read the typical message that guys send through that site, it's no wonder that most women don't respond to them.


LMFAO - Great prank! But yeah, all you really gotta do is ***** yourself in pictures, or post fake ones and watch the pigs swarm you with messages. Plenty Of Freaks........Haha wow. Yeah i couldn't do a dating site. People online get pretty weird. =P


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Regarding what guys are looking for, I think most have two things on their checklist -- 1) looks and 2) not being naggy/needy/clingy. Most women use a whole set of rigid criteria to screen men.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

MichaelWesten said:


> Well, the one thing I remember from the messages guys sent was most of them were the same. Hi, I'm XXXX. You're very (insert compliment). Let's get to know each other. I also seem to remember about half of the messages containing a phone number, which seems pretty insane considering that they knew nothing about me.


Probably just copy-paste messages. So few women answer messages. It's not worth spending tons of time composing them. I did a few fake female profiles. Lots of guys without their shirts on sending lame messages like that.


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## nemesis1 (Dec 21, 2009)

almost every message i get on Plentyoffish is the same;

"hi how r u"


and people complain about having no depth in the messages :roll


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

Ive learned overtime even though i havent had anyone in awhile not to give your whole self up for someone. ALso to make sure you r assertive enough. I think its also took entirely to long also. Yeah I was a nice guy and Im not going to start being a jerk or someone I'm not either. I feel like Im acceptable now
Steve


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

Gah met the most bipolar chick off of POF today she was happy one minute things were good, my computer disconnects I get it back up 15 minutes later and she blocks me lol....


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

This weekend as me and my friends were drinking we decided to use my POF account to send the most obnoxious messages to hot and not so hot girls alike just to see what the responses would be. 


I'll post some of them here just so you guys can get an idea

Me: Wanna come over for 4th of July, there will be some real fireworks in my bed..
Her: after reading your profile I find that you are a very interesting person. I like that you get straight to the point
_________

me: strong cleavage. let me stuff u as your stuffed penguin watches from the sidelines.
her:Well you're defiantly straight to the point. That's rather attractive..

No Penguin watching though. 
___________

me:i know a way to get your adrenaline pumping
herrove it.
______________________

me: (she was wearing a jersey) come over and ill pretend im matt hasselbeck while you can be tj houshmanzadeh and you can catch a deep pass from my cannon
her: Wow...lol, that's clever, I gotta give ya that much.

_______________
me: your tongue looks like it can work magic
her:Well... Appearances can be decieving. And don't go to costa rica. I know someone there. It's a place of crime. Basically one big game of ****-over the american.


.....


I came to the conclusion that sending ridiculous messages will get you in the door much quicker than 'sup how are you?'..one of the girls even gave me her phone number and wants to hang out next weekend. mind blowing.


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## Ambivert (Jan 16, 2010)

hiimnotcool said:


> This weekend as me and my friends were drinking we decided to use my POF account to send the most obnoxious messages to hot and not so hot girls alike just to see what the responses would be.
> 
> I'll post some of them here just so you guys can get an idea
> 
> ...


Haha those are hilarious. I shall try it out as an experiment.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

Interesting, "hiimnotcool". However, you should put "Results not typical" in your post. I assume that's your photo, and you look like a carefree, fun kind of guy who can kid around in a sarcastic and playful way with those kind of messages and have a woman not take it too seriously. If an ugly, creepy-seeming guy were to say those things, he wouldn't get the same reaction.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

ChadsWick1234 said:


> I just messge this girl after I read her profile when she stated I can't find a decent guy. I wrote back saying their are plenty of nice guys out their I am am one of them. I said more then that and probably came across as an *** but I get tired of women saying this crap. Their are plenty of good guys on this forum. who say they can't get women. I think most women atleast when their younger don't even know what they want. People are so freaking fake and shallow it works both ways.


I would ask her to define "decent." It is ideal to find someone that values the same things you do and has the same morals.


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## wtf? (Mar 13, 2009)

I can see how with some girls a really cocky message might spark their interest instantly. I saw some statistic today that said 1 in 3 women who use online dating will have sex with the guy on the first meetup (which I found shocking). However, the problem is even if you can pull off being a super confident, aggressive guy online how are you supposed to pull this off in person as someone with SA? She'll be able to tell in about 2 seconds that you aren't the guy she thought you were from the message you sent her. That's why I try to show my honest personality with my profile and messages and so far it's gotten me...eh, a few messages back and forth. And then they ignore me. Awesome.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

wtf? said:


> I can see how with some girls a really cocky message might spark their interest instantly. I saw some statistic today that said 1 in 3 women who use online dating will have sex with the guy on the first meetup (which I found shocking). However, the problem is even if you can pull off being a super confident, aggressive guy online how are you supposed to pull this off in person as someone with SA? She'll be able to tell in about 2 seconds that you aren't the guy she thought you were from the message you sent her. That's why I try to show my honest personality with my profile and messages and so far it's gotten me...eh, a few messages back and forth. And then they ignore me. Awesome.


get drunk and then you'll be the person she expects.

1. drink
2. meet
3. ????
4. profit!


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## badjoke (Jun 4, 2010)

It always makes me lol how some guys think that when a woman isn't attracted to them in particular, then she must either a. have ridiculously high standards that no human other than a hanggliding male model with a french accent and talent for cooking can meet, or b. she only likes jerks.

Yes, there's plenty of decent guys out there. Maybe you're one of them, maybe you aren't. Even if you are one of them, that still doesn't mean you're automatically entitled to the time of any woman who says she's looking for a 'decent guy'. Maybe y'all don't share interests, maybe she thinks your profile is boring, maybe she's not attracted to you (you don't have to be a hanggliding male model for women to be attracted to you, btw), and I'm getting bored of typing this so i hope you get the picture lol.

I feel kind of bad because I do some of the things guys here are complaining about, like exchanging a few messages and then stopping. This is because I go through periods of depression and periods where I'm fine, and when I'm depressed I just can't do the dating thing, so I drop it off and never feel like I can pick it up again, even if I liked a guy. Then there's the guys who seem interesting, but TOO interesting, so with my SA I'm a little intimidated by them. And yesterday a guy messaged me telling me he just wanted to have sex with me, and he had a picture of a close up of his nose for his profile, so I was like, I've never been propositioned by a nose before. 

Thing is, the responses we get on these sites are overwhelming. If you don't get a response, don't read too much into it. But also, if you're seriously sending tons of messages to new people a day, you're either wasting way too much time on the site, or you're just looking at a picture and sending out a form letter without reading the profile. You probably get a better response if you read the profile to see if the two of you have common interests.


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## badjoke (Jun 4, 2010)

Dusky said:


> I haven't met a decent guy yet who was available and also interested in me, but I don't think there are no decent guys; there's plenty of 'em! At the same time, you also have to become what they would want as well. In the last year and a half, I've let depression and stress get to me again and quit working out. As my dad said, I'd be a great catch if it weren't for my weight and soon it'll be my age too.


You can be a great catch even if you're fat. I'm not saying you should stop taking care of yourself and just go with the flow, but if you set up this ideal of 'no man will ever want me while I look like this' then it places way to much stress on your body and your mind. I couldn't lose weight until I learned to accept my body the way it was, because before I did the lack of results would just make me give up. Getting in shape is a journey, and whether you end up reaching your goal or not, you don't have to be alone during the journey, you know what I mean?

Thing is, that there are big guys out there for every big girl. There are conventionally attractive or average looking guys who are attracted to big girls, and the same goes the for girls to guys.


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## MrShyAndTimid (Jun 28, 2010)

I just closed my POF account. I figure I'll create another one when I'm ready to put some time and effort into it.

I wonder if anyone else relates to this - I'll browse and find profiles of attractive women, but right away I'll think "She's to hot for me, she's too attractive, she's to picky, she's to demanding, etc."


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## badjoke (Jun 4, 2010)

MrShyAndTimid said:


> I just closed my POF account. I figure I'll create another one when I'm ready to put some time and effort into it.
> 
> I wonder if anyone else relates to this - I'll browse and find profiles of attractive women, but right away I'll think "She's to hot for me, she's too attractive, she's to picky, she's to demanding, etc."


I do this, too. I'll see someone who I'm attracted to and who I would totally click with, but my brain is like, "he's way too cool, has a good social life, probably has more friends than he can count...he would think you're a freak."

I sometimes think I should just go for it and see what happens, but I don't know if I could handle the embarrassment as someone slowly comes to the realization that I have no life and the friends that I talk to them about don't exist (does anybody else do this? talk about friends that don't exist so that people will think they have friends? lol...).


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

TallGuy87 said:


> I've been thinking about editing my profile and just admitting on it that I have SA. Is this a good idea or not? I've tried the whole "I'm really shy but I warm in time" the problem is, no one has stuck around for that needed time. I just thought that perhaps honesty is the best policy, plus, it's gotta come out sometime right? If I did put that I have SA in my profile, perhaps I'd find a sweet girl who also has SA and we could live happily ever after.


I'd suggest against, only because I want the security of knowing that no one will **** with me and screw with my emotions knowing I have a mental disorder. I mean yes I've thought of being honest about it and meeting said dream girl, but really I don't have enough trust in people to say that the dream girl wouldn't end up being a phoney profile.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

There was a 35-year-old-virgin profile on PoF a couple of years ago. I don't know what happened to him.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

scarpia said:


> There was a 35-year-old-virgin profile on PoF a couple of years ago. I don't know what happened to him.


It is now a 37 year old virgin profile


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## wtf? (Mar 13, 2009)

POF can suck it. Horrible picture quality and girls that don't respond. Okcupid for the win. Got a date Tues and good for me!


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

wtf? said:


> POF can suck it. Horrible picture quality and girls that don't respond. Okcupid for the win. Got a date Tues and good for me!


Ahahaha dude I'm the exact opposite as you, I hate Okcupid, every chick is so selective it's bs, plentyoffish has been way better to me.

Oh btw, good luck on the date man, hope all goes well for you.


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## catalinahx (Jun 8, 2010)

TallGuy87 said:


> I've been thinking about editing my profile and just admitting on it that I have SA. Is this a good idea or not? I've tried the whole "I'm really shy but I warm in time" the problem is, no one has stuck around for that needed time. I just thought that perhaps honesty is the best policy, plus, it's gotta come out sometime right? If I did put that I have SA in my profile, perhaps I'd find a sweet girl who also has SA and we could live happily ever after.


I put this on my profile. A small paragraph about my anxiety issues and about hoping someone would work with me on it. I think it scares a lot of people off, honestly, but good riddance. My thought is it weeds out the people you don't want in your life anyway/the short ended conversations that lead no where.


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## mind_games (Nov 30, 2008)

catalinahx said:


> ... I think it scares a lot of people off, honestly, but good riddance. My thought is it weeds out the people you don't want in your life anyway/the short ended conversations that lead no where.


I agree! It is still a bit scary though to put it out there.


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## googleamiable (Jun 5, 2009)

catalinahx said:


> I put this on my profile. A small paragraph about my anxiety issues and about hoping someone would work with me on it. I think it scares a lot of people off, honestly, but good riddance. My thought is it weeds out the people you don't want in your life anyway/the short ended conversations that lead no where.


honestly id say thats naive/unrealistic.
imagine if instead of a profile on a dating site, people held a huge placard with some brief writing about themselves in the street. you dont think the ones listing their innermost problems would be rejected?

it's not something to hide, lie about or be ashamed of, but i dont think thats how you should PRESENT yourself to people , first impression wise.


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## Madison_Rose (Feb 27, 2009)

That's hilarious. You claim to be "a nice guy," then rant about women "talking crap, not knowing what they want, and being fake and shallow?" Yeah, those are really nice things to say. 

And if the woman in question had found a nice guy, she wouldn't be on a dating site, now would she? Try applying a little logic. That thing we women don't have, because we are an homogenous group of indecisive, over-emotional, illogical, fake, shallow people.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I'm in shell-shock mode right now. Just had a really cute girl message me on POF saying she wanted a NSA (no strings attached) thing! It made me uncomfortable and no I didn't go with it.

I only bring this up because it just is evidence to the fact that men/women...eh, all the same... i don't want to hear about how men are all this one way anymore or how womena re this other way...


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> I'm in shell-shock mode right now. Just had a really cute girl message me on POF saying she wanted a NSA (no strings attached) thing! It made me uncomfortable and no I didn't go with it.
> 
> I only bring this up because it just is evidence to the fact that men/women...eh, all the same... i don't want to hear about how men are all this one way anymore or how womena re this other way...


Did she have a full body pic? The one woman I have met off of a dating site who says she will have a NSA thing is 60 pounds overweight. I don't have much libido anyway so I just took her to the opera.


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## hiimnotcool (Apr 28, 2009)

bwidger85 said:


> I'm in shell-shock mode right now. Just had a really cute girl message me on POF saying she wanted a NSA (no strings attached) thing! It made me uncomfortable and no I didn't go with it.
> 
> I only bring this up because it just is evidence to the fact that men/women...eh, all the same... i don't want to hear about how men are all this one way anymore or how womena re this other way...


Really cute girl...
NSA.....
didn't go with it??



:b


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## Relaxation (Jul 12, 2010)

Are you guys not scared of putting your picture on an online dating site? I mean what if somebody you know sees it there? It's good that you're willing to put yourself up there. It shows courage.


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

I would tend to think people that know me would sort of expect it anyways lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

hiimnotcool said:


> Really cute girl...
> NSA.....
> didn't go with it??
> 
> ...


Really? You had to give me the picture? I don't know, it was one of those things that threw me off...


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## R (Jun 13, 2006)

I think okcupid is a better site.


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## percyblueraincoat (Jun 2, 2009)

*hmm*

"Interesting, "hiimnotcool". However, you should put "Results not typical" in your post. I assume that's your photo, and you look like a carefree, fun kind of guy who can kid around in a sarcastic and playful way with those kind of messages and have a woman not take it too seriously. If an ugly, creepy-seeming guy were to say those things, he wouldn't get the same reaction."

Wonderful to watch Iced Over's belief systems defend themselves. Himnotcool got some results by being playful. It must be because of what he looks like. Iced Over, how do you know you're not a fun kind of guy who can kid around with messages like that and how do you know you don't come across as one.

People are fluid. Rarely anything consistently. I am a pacifist but if you threaten the life of someone I love or my life, I'm picking up that gun and firing it at you if you give me no other option and hang the consequences. People shout out: "I'm a nice guy". What, all the time? No, you're a person. Capable of being a good person and capable of being a jerk too depending upon a whole host of things in our dance with circumstances where we lead and sometimes follow.

People with SA do seem to love placing themselves and other people into categories. They see themselves as "ugly guys" or "nice guys" whilst forgetting that the story isn't over and they have a name and they are walking around with entirely different molecules and cells in their bodies then some of the ones they had round about seven years ago. They are constantly living whilst constantly dying, constantly evolving whilst standing still and yet they speak of themselves in terms of limited judgements based on either what has happened to them or on what has bled into the identity construct.

A lot of people on here seem to love the: "assume to be experts on women and then decide I'm not what they want" game. It's a lot of fun. You get to assume ridiculous authority over the likes and wants and fluidity of those wants of individuals and you get to beat yourself up too. Oh, happy days.

I can remember a dinner conversation where a girl I liked was sat across from me and she said: "about you liking me?" I started to feel sick because I knew what was coming: "I like you as a friend". Because, as I'd told myself over and over again, women didn't want me, they wanted other men who were better. And I had evidence to prove it.

Which was why, when she said: "i like you too", I nearly fell off my chair. Spending the rest of the evening making out was also an odd experience.

The enemy of attraction is not being a so called "nice guy". The enemy of attraction is insecurity. Do not change so that other people will like you. Do not try to become someone different or become a jerk. Find the spore inside, defeat it and release the truth of yourself.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

"bwidger85"--You're not even going to reply to this girl to learn more about her? I know what you're saying; that would throw me off as well. I'd be wondering if it was a fake profile, a man or some crazy chick. But I'd wonder how often that kind of opportunity would come around and at least message back.


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## LALoner (Dec 3, 2008)

ChadsWick1234 said:


> I just messge this girl after I read her profile when she stated I can't find a decent guy. I wrote back saying their are plenty of nice guys out their I am am one of them. I said more then that and probably came across as an *** but I get tired of women saying this crap. Their are plenty of good guys on this forum. who say they can't get women. I think most women atleast when their younger don't even know what they want. People are so freaking fake and shallow it works both ways.


When I was young I used to complain about there not being any good women in whatever place I was at at the moment. I eventually realized I was just using that as an excuse and the truth is I'm too messed up in the head to be with someone.


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## wtf? (Mar 13, 2009)

BetaBoy90 said:


> Ahahaha dude I'm the exact opposite as you, I hate Okcupid, every chick is so selective it's bs, plentyoffish has been way better to me.
> 
> Oh btw, good luck on the date man, hope all goes well for you.


Thanks, it went fantastic actually. She was gorgeous, awesome and we ended up talking for about 3 hours which is like a talkathon for me but didn't feel like it with her. Best date I've ever had and also a much needed confidence booster. I'm seeing her again this weekend :boogie

SA can suck it


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## BetaBoy90 (Jan 5, 2010)

wtf? said:


> Thanks, it went fantastic actually. She was gorgeous, awesome and we ended up talking for about 3 hours which is like a talkathon for me but didn't feel like it with her. Best date I've ever had and also a much needed confidence booster. I'm seeing her again this weekend :boogie
> 
> SA can suck it


I'm happy to hear that for sure, show SA who's boss!


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## Keith (Aug 30, 2008)

wtf? said:


> Thanks, it went fantastic actually. She was gorgeous, awesome and we ended up talking for about 3 hours which is like a talkathon for me but didn't feel like it with her. Best date I've ever had and also a much needed confidence booster. I'm seeing her again this weekend :boogie
> 
> SA can suck it


Awesome man yeah I agree with Betaboy kick some ***!


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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)




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## jlotz123 (Dec 11, 2009)

ChadsWick1234 said:


> I think most women atleast when their younger don't even know what they want. People are so freaking fake and shallow it works both ways.


I think people constantly change to the point where what you think is right will sound completely retarded 5 years from now.

How I view the world now is in a way stupid, because I know in the future i'll have a bigger grasp of it. But it doesn't stop there, it keeps going until I die.

So in a way, they know what they want now, but in the future they'll look back and think ""wtf was I thinking?"".


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## Turkojan (Jan 30, 2010)

Decent guy = code for guy with attributes a mile long. Just look at any "what you find attractive in the opposite sex" thread. 

Not saying its right or wrong, women can have higher standards since they're the ones being chased.


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## Turkojan (Jan 30, 2010)

jlotz123 said:


>


:lol

That just made my day.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

Turkojan said:


> Decent guy = code for guy with attributes a mile long. Just look at any "what you find attractive in the opposite sex" thread.
> 
> Not saying its right or wrong, women can have higher standards since they're the ones being chased.


I think guys can be guilty of that too. If an uglier girl sends them a message then they're not always going to reply. I've responded to most messages on dating sites but if i really wasn't attracted to the person then i didn't bother.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

andy0128 said:


> I think guys can be guilty of that too. If an uglier girl sends them a message then they're not always going to reply. I've responded to most messages on dating sites but if i really wasn't attracted to the person then i didn't bother.


Yeah, before someone starts blaming the other sex for their misfortunes, let's not forget it goes both ways. There really isn't much fairness in love and war in a lot of instances. It's not that they are male or female; it's because you weren't their type or something else. Get over it.


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## mcmuffinme (Mar 12, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Yeah, before someone starts blaming the other sex for their misfortunes, let's not forget it goes both ways. There really isn't much fairness in love and war in a lot of instances. It's not that they are male or female; it's because you weren't their type or something else. Get over it.


Thank you!


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## xstrongandsilentx (Jul 17, 2010)

When i was on POF a few years back, The first thing I would tell them is I have SA. They wouldn't even get a hello, conversations would usually got- her- Hi, Me- I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!! That never really worked out though. I ended up closing my account due to the lack of interest from the ladies. I don't think it was my looks I think I probably came off as uninteresting. I know this for a fact because my twin brother was also on the site and was a big hit with the ladies on there lol One thing i did worry about was what if people i knew recognized me they would tease me and what not. But my bro told me the only way they would know is if they were also on the site which kinda defeats the purpose of teasing someone on the site. Wow my bro rocks lol. That was way more than I wanted to write so now im gonna run away.....................bye


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