# How picky are you when it comes to dating the opposite sex?



## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

I don't have many "turn-offs"; I'm fine with smokers, drug users, vegetarians, meat eaters, bisexuals, etc. But I have to really, really like a person to even just go on a date with them.

What about you?


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## SnowFlakesFire (Aug 23, 2012)

I am very picky, no smokers, no drinkers, no druggers, no mean guys


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## Daktoria (Sep 21, 2010)

I need someone who's a balanced communicator. Other than that, everything's game (besides smoking and piercings):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scholasticism#Scholastic_method

Basically, I need someone who's willing to explain oneself, listen to me explain myself, and then come to common understandings.

After that, we can joke around and play word games because we know we won't bother each other.


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## Sourdog (Sep 13, 2011)

I'm not too picky, but no smokers or extreme drug users and No shy girls ( I find it really hard to communicate with them because i'm shy myself).


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## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

sorrwel said:


> I don't have many "turn-offs"; I'm fine with smokers, drug users, vegetarians, meat eaters, bisexuals, etc. But I have to really, really like a person to even just go on a date with them.
> 
> What about you?


Same as you. I don't have many specific 'turn-offs' and I don't expect somebody to look like an Adonis. I'm just only interested in people I feel an attraction to. Which, you know, shouldn't be too shocking. But I'm not really attracted to very many people, so I guess I come across as picky even if I don't see myself that way.


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## River In The Mountain (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm very rarely attracted to somebody, so I suppose that makes me picky.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

I won't date serious drug users, Miami Heat fans, criminals, or people who already have children. Those are the only deal-breakers for me. Okay, just kidding about the Miami thing. Maybe.


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## Noiitekk (Dec 6, 2012)

Criminals, drug users, supporter of anything gay or bi, drunks or partiers, religious, or a different race than me.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

I like vibrant and intelligent women. I am not sure how common that is. Life statements and fashion sense aren't nearly as important to me.


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

Sometimes I am picky, other times I am not. It is more of an overall package thing. Some positive traits will make me care less about other things I might not find ideal.


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

I rarely like people enough I'd want to date them. There's probably only been one person I've encountered in my adult life I would actually want to date, and even then I'm not sure.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

missamanda said:


> I won't date serious drug users, *Miami Heat fans*, criminals, or people who already have children. Those are the only deal-breakers for me. Okay, just kidding about the Miami thing. Maybe.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

I like feminine women, non-smoker, no drug users, no binge drinker, no bar/club goers at night, no gold-diggers, no no-string attachers, no strippers, no crazy religious, no heavy party goers. Anything else, would be fine.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

evgtrees said:


> I like feminine women, non-smoker, no drug users, no binge drinker, no bar/club goers at night, no gold-diggers, no no-string attachers, no strippers, no crazy religious, no heavy party goers. Anything else, would be fine.


Your requirements may be to high depending on age and social group these days. Just a remark for you to think over.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

Nexus777 said:


> Your requirements may be to high depending on age and social group these days. Just a remark for you to think over.


How about this then?
non-smoker, no drug users, no excessive bar/club goers at night,


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

As long as she's good looking, I'm cool


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I'm just picky about looks and I won't go on dates with guys who have negative stuff in their profile though. I don't like people with harsh personalities. I like softies.

For example if they say please don't message me if you are a gold digger, b*tch, feminazi or such then.....no way.

Overall though it's kind of a give and take. If the guy is especially cute I can look over certain bad traits. If the guy has many good traits I can look over him not being terribly physically attractive. Like if the guy is vegetarian he gets big bonus points. If on the other hand the guy is not that cute and has many traits that I dislike then I won't be interested at all.


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

Dislikes: lying, cheating, stealing, scamming, being fake, being overweight, being taller than me, weighing more than I do, being too short, being mean to my friends or family, spending too much money on anything, being lazy, being too stubborn, tuning people out, playing practical jokes, reckless driving, smoking, drinking more than I do, being a drama queen, using people to get only what she wants, not considering people's feelings, refusing to accept certain people for who they are, using the last phrase as an excuse to hate or dislike someone, not being able to take care of herself, refusing to help me or my friends out, getting an attitude about most things, tuning people out, making excuses instead of telling the truth, using "not wanting to hurt someone's feeling" as an excuse to lie or keep secrets, making fun of people, judging people without knowing more about them, being too conservative, being too religious, having too much of a tan, refusing to socialize with my friends or family, crying too easily, being too loud, being a loud mouth, being sarcastic, etc.

With regard to looks, it doesn't matter as long as I thought she was attractive when we first met.
The ones I like are usually skinny or in good shape.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

If a girl doesn't get my sarcasm she's out. Off with her head.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

evgtrees said:


> How about this then?
> non-smoker, no drug users, no excessive bar/club goers at night,


Approved 

In my case, no really I don´t have much requirements no drugs, no drinkers ok. I smoke myself so, but most of it is basic sense like humour, intelligence, friendly, or even she can be a bit "*****y" All girls I knew were *****y to a decree if they drank than more of course. I liked this sometimes cause they can make you laugh. I wouldn´t like a dry woman who doesn´t joke or takes herself to serious.

Of course arrogance is huge turn off too.

As for looks I dont like extremes, means if she is extremely fat or thin I would be turned off. Other than that I am cool, ahh I like long hair of course. In the past I "required" a certain taste of music, but I am now cooler with it. Except maybe hardcore hip hop or mtv consumers. I like metal, alternative, industrial, and some electronic styles. Punk or Indie would be ok with me, too.

If I had a choice at all 

BTW:
@ little toaster: Funny sarcastic post here, hehe.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

little toaster said:


> Dislikes: lying, cheating, stealing, scamming, being fake, being overweight, being taller than me, weighing more than I do, being too short, being mean to my friends or family, spending too much money on anything, being lazy, being too stubborn, tuning people out, playing practical jokes, reckless driving, smoking, drinking more than I do, being a drama queen, using people to get only what she wants, not considering people's feelings, refusing to accept certain people for who they are, using the last phrase as an excuse to hate or dislike someone, not being able to take care of herself, refusing to help me or my friends out, getting an attitude about most things, tuning people out, making excuses instead of telling the truth, using "not wanting to hurt someone's feeling" as an excuse to lie or keep secrets, making fun of people, judging people without knowing more about them, being too conservative, being too religious, having too much of a tan, refusing to socialize with my friends or family, crying too easily, being too loud, being a loud mouth, being sarcastic, etc.
> 
> With regard to looks, it doesn't matter as long as I thought she was attractive when we first met.
> The ones I like are usually skinny or in good shape.


You sound like you are super easy to get along with. LOL.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I have turn-off's like everyone, but I wouldn't use them as disqualifiers. I hate smoking, but if the guy was my soul-mate in other ways, then I wouldn't disqualify him just because he smokes - and that would go for all the other "negative" attributes as well. 

I wouldn't say I'm picky, in the sense that I'm actually discriminating against people. I can see people and find them physically attractive, nice, whatever - but I might not be romantically attracted to them. I don't get romantically attracted to people that often, actually very rarely. I'm not being consciously picky about anything in particular - it's simply whether or not someone hits me on a deep level and it doesn't happen often. Could be anyone really, I can't predict it nor do I have a certain "type".


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

I guess I made myself sound too picky. Lol


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

I'd say I'm pretty picky, because my taste in women isn't very conventional.


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## pati (Aug 15, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


>


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## itthing21 (Jun 23, 2012)

Not very to be honest. As long as she's cute and doesn't mind that I'm an introvert, we're all good.


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## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

I wouldn't date a smoker or drug user. I like sweet, down-to-earth, ambitious girls though. I don't really have a type appearance-wise, although the girls I have generally liked tend to be more on the athletic side.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

little toaster said:


> Dislikes: lying, cheating, stealing, scamming, being fake, being overweight, being taller than me, weighing more than I do, being too short, being mean to my friends or family, spending too much money on anything, being lazy, being too stubborn, tuning people out, playing practical jokes, reckless driving, smoking, drinking more than I do, being a drama queen, using people to get only what she wants, not considering people's feelings, *refusing to accept certain people for who they are*, using the last phrase as an excuse to hate or dislike someone, not being able to take care of herself, refusing to help me or my friends out, getting an attitude about most things, tuning people out, making excuses instead of telling the truth, using "not wanting to hurt someone's feeling" as an excuse to lie or keep secrets, making fun of people, judging people without knowing more about them, being too conservative, being too religious, having too much of a tan, refusing to socialize with my friends or family, crying too easily, being too loud, being a loud mouth, being sarcastic, etc.
> 
> With regard to looks, it doesn't matter as long as I thought she was attractive when we first met.
> The ones I like are usually skinny or in good shape.


The irony...


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

River In The Mountain said:


> I'm very rarely attracted to somebody, so I suppose that makes me picky.


[2]


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## Unknown88 (Aug 21, 2012)

I don't have a real physical type, and I am quite open minded. I couldn't be with someone who took heavy crugs, someone who wanted to party *every single weekend* (I like it but not as often as that!), someone with very radically different views on important issues, someone who wants kids, or someone that I had absolutely no physical attraction to (again).


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## enfield (Sep 4, 2010)

okay as far as having a long-term relationship with someone and being compatible with them, and _wanting_ to hang out with them - well, i would want to feel like she could help me realize some of my unrealized potential. that could mean giving me the right drugs, or helping me get a job or teaching me to drive or whatever_._ but it would by a major plus if i felt like she could help me advance my life. it would be cool if it worked in the reverse way too (that would make me feel less bad about getting helped so much). oh and I would also want to admire her as a person, so roughly that probably translates to her having intelligence in the top decile or sumthing.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Unknown88 said:


> I don't have a real physical type, and I am quite open minded. I couldn't be with someone who took heavy crugs, someone who wanted to party *every single weekend* (I like it but not as often as that!), someone with very radically different views on important issues, someone who wants kids, or someone that I had absolutely no physical attraction to (again).


I do crugs everyday, so we wouldn't be a good match.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

ManOfFewWords said:


> I do crugs everyday, so we wouldn't be a good match.


What are crugs? I couldn't find it anywhere.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> But where I met the vast majority of guys (at clubs) it was only about looks and I guess they just had to be relatively pleasant. I got to know them after sleeping with them.
> 
> That's why I find online dating so weird. Getting to know someone first before screwing them just seems odd to me now. Very awkward. I really need to be drunk on dates.


How about we get together and screw each other. I will bring champagne to celebrate or would you like scotch?


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

evgtrees said:


> How about we get together and screw each other. I will bring champagne to celebrate or would you like scotch?


You're one smooth operator bro.


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## ihatemoving (Aug 28, 2012)

Someone who actually cares how my day is.


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## kiirby (Oct 8, 2010)

pineapplebun said:


> The irony...


Accepting people for who they are doesn't equate to considering everyone as a potential partner. Romantic attraction and social acceptance are entirely different things.

I suppose I'm quite picky. Respect is tantamount when it comes to finding someone intellectually attractive, for me. And I find it hard to respect certain traits in people. Like bigotry, or religious belief.. It just means I end up being hideously attracted to a very particular type of person. Typically artsy feminists with a good music taste and sense of humour. That's not to say I'm not attracted to many other women, but, you know. It's the difference between vague attraction and.... yeah.

But it's not like I'm capable of dating, so it's pretty irrelevant.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

kiirby said:


> Accepting people for who they are doesn't equate to considering everyone as a potential partner. Romantic attraction and social acceptance are entirely different things.


lol I wasn't saying that it does equate to it, as I agree with what you said but if you look at the giant list, considering its serious and not sarcasm, that's really rather ironic. Although accepting someone doesn't mean you would consider them in romantic sense, apart of loving someone IS accepting someone for who they are. The foundation of a relationship is friendship IMO. The two concepts are inter-related. Respecting someone doesn't mean you love them romantically as you respect friends but without respect, you cannot love someone.

It's kind of like saying hey I'm a doctor and telling my patient's not to smoke yet I smoke. This happens but of course it's still ironic and hypocritical. Just like here on SAS - people are afraid to be judged inferior or quite simply, be judged yet some are very judgmental and will label others as inferior.

It's okay to have standards as people should recognize their worth and not settle. But sometimes I think maybe the lack of socialization and being out in the real world has somehow deluded some people to how imperfect humans really are. People start to create unrealistic expectations or rather expectations that are too high and they could possibly miss out on some wonderful people. I'm not singling anyone out, nor do I apply this to all SAS users but it's obvious with some users. Of course, there is also the opposite end of the spectrum where the loneliness from the lack of socialization has caused some to be desperate. One must also consider that in entering a relationship, it's not just about what the other person has to offer you, but what YOU have to offer as well. Then some wonder why they are rejected - perhaps it's because the other doesn't view you as an equal partner who offers equally as much? I've never met someone so picky in real life, and some of those acquaintences/friends were really attractive guys and girls who have a lot to offer personality wise and career wise.


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## Cyclonic (Oct 25, 2012)

It's been too f'n long....so as long as he has a heartbeat.


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## StrangePeaches (Sep 8, 2012)

I'm not all that picky. I have a certain type that I'm attracted to. I fall for people so easily. I fall in love with strangers daily. too bad I can't hold anyone's interest.


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## Lelsey (Feb 7, 2011)

I don't think i'm picky as much as shy... I always shy away from dates out of fear, not because i don't think the other party is good enough. Just wish there is someone who can give me enough assurance even from first glance to get over this...


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Kind of. Not into too tall, blondes, black chicks, too tanned, short hair, smokers, drug users, clingy, needy, long toes, too huge of a butt.


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## Daylight (Jun 20, 2009)

I could probably be seen as picky, but when you have SA or Asperger's, you gotta be realistic about who you can get and that cancels out most girls. I'll see a girl I'm attractive to, but know within seconds that it would never work out long term so I simply don't bother with her.


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## Koolio (Feb 25, 2012)

pineapplebun said:


> lol I wasn't saying that it does equate to it, as I agree with what you said but if you look at the giant list, considering its serious and not sarcasm, that's really rather ironic. Although accepting someone doesn't mean you would consider them in romantic sense, apart of loving someone IS accepting someone for who they are. The foundation of a relationship is friendship IMO. The two concepts are inter-related. Respecting someone doesn't mean you love them romantically as you respect friends but without respect, you cannot love someone.
> 
> It's kind of like saying hey I'm a doctor and telling my patient's not to smoke yet I smoke. This happens but of course it's still ironic and hypocritical. Just like here on SAS - people are afraid to be judged inferior or quite simply, be judged yet some are very judgmental and will label others as inferior.
> 
> It's okay to have standards as people should recognize their worth and not settle. But sometimes I think maybe the lack of socialization and being out in the real world has somehow deluded some people to how imperfect humans really are. People start to create unrealistic expectations or rather expectations that are too high and they could possibly miss out on some wonderful people. I'm not singling anyone out, nor do I apply this to all SAS users but it's obvious with some users. Of course, there is also the opposite end of the spectrum where the loneliness from the lack of socialization has caused some to be desperate. One must also consider that in entering a relationship, it's not just about what the other person has to offer you, but what YOU have to offer as well. Then some wonder why they are rejected - perhaps it's because the other doesn't view you as an equal partner who offers equally as much? I've never met someone so picky in real life, and some of those acquaintences/friends were really attractive guys and girls who have a lot to offer personality wise and career wise.


None of what she put down was even that unreasonable IMO. That's just what she's attracted to.


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## pineapplebun (Oct 25, 2011)

Koolio said:


> None of what she put down was even that unreasonable IMO. That's just what she's attracted to.


Not individually lol but she wasn't even done making that list mind you lol. And the point of me highlighting her post was more for the irony not to say she's overly picky. My statement about people being overly picky was just a general observation in relation to the topic at hand, not directed towards her.


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## pete24 (Oct 13, 2010)

I am very picky nowadays... have learnt to be. Since for years I went way below my level thinking it was all I could get. Then realised that I was able to get women that I thought were out of my league, and gained confidence with my looks.

Essentials:
Above average looks (Even if their personality is great, without above average looks I will get bored). Perhaps looks good without makeup then with makeup looks really hot.

Personality that is similar to mine. There could be compromise but they have to be into similar things, we have to be able to hit it off from the first time of talking. I look out for endless conversations where there is so much to talk about that we cant stop talking.

Potential to be loyal and committed. Dont want none of the women that go out clubbing every single weekend and blow all their cash. Would prefer someone who knows what they want, and doesnt waste away their life.

Near essentials.

They must drive. Its not 100% but would be good. I dont drive because its not something I ever want to do. Would be ideal if they could, could plan days out and would be handy if theres long distance between us. From experience relationships have worked better when they can drive as we always have days out and things to do. 

That she smokes... Perhaps not that essential. But I smoke. I am not ready to give up for a few years. As the past has shown, if I got with a non smoker I would be moaned at to quit. They wouldnt like me smoking around them, and some even looked down on me for it.


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## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

pete24 said:


> I am very picky nowadays... have learnt to be. Since for years I went way below my level thinking it was all I could get. Then realised that I was able to get women that I thought were out of my league, and gained confidence with my looks.
> 
> Essentials:
> Above average looks (Even if their personality is great, without above average looks I will get bored). Perhaps looks good without makeup then with makeup looks really hot.
> ...


I agree with this post for the most part. I know it sounds superficial, but she has to be physically attractive to me: above-average looks (7+), not overweight. I'm rather slender so she must be too (ectomorphs, no mesomorphs). no crazy body modifications or tatoos, curvy in all the right places. If I'm not attracted to her, then we could be platonic friends but the relationship would suffer if we couldn't be intimate.

Intimacy is a big thing for me. If she's not affectionate and cuddly that's a deal breaker. I'm very hands on and like to cuddle and don't think I could be with someone that is turned off by that.

Personality-wise. We have to enjoy spending time together. I need to find someone I can talk too easily and agree with each other on most things. I care about politics a lot, so I couldn't date a Republican. She also can't be close-minded or overly religious.

I'm also very introverted so if she wants to party all the time and go clubbing and flirt with other guys that's a huge deal breaker. Ideally we wouldn't need a big social life, but would be content to just spend lots of 1 on 1 time together and enjoy each others company. I want to be with someone that I can just relax with without stressing over trying to keep up a high energy lifestyle. I just can't handle being with anyone that's too loud and aggressive.

Other deal breaks: Smokers, drug users, bad hygeine, non-english speakers, prudish...

That's why I don't like the idea of meeting a girl in a bar or club. Anyone that meets guys that way would automatically fail the above tests. I couldn't trust anyone like that for a long term relationship. :um


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

I can admit i'm picky, although I shouldn't be based on the way I look. :no

Besides the obvious (hygienic, no smoking/drug using), I need to find them physically attractive - above average I would say. Also above 5'9" preferably and not overweight. 

I can't tolerate clinginess - the guy has to be able to spend time by himself or with other people and shouldn't have to latch onto me all the time. Basically, he should be his own person and have his own life.

Obviously we'd have to get along, communicate well, and share similar views. Intelligence is also important; I want to be able to have intellectual conversation with him. I hate class clown types - he has to know how to be serious. 

He shouldn't be overly critical of my looks; telling me to get plastic surgery and/or bashing/making fun of me is an absolute no. I've been constantly compared to other girls by male "friends" in the past, e.g. "She's so much prettier than you. If you didn't have such a man's jaw you'd be on her level." 

I know where I stand, i'm not an idiot.


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## sorrwel (May 20, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I can admit i'm picky, although I shouldn't be based on the way I look. :no
> I've been constantly compared to other girls by male "friends" in the past, e.g. "She's so much prettier than you. If you didn't have such a man's jaw you'd be on her level."
> 
> I know where I stand, i'm not an idiot.


What. You're gorgeous. People are so dumb. :no


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I need to find them physically attractive - above average I would say. Also above 5'9" preferably and not overweight.
> Intelligence is also important; I want to be able to have intellectual
> 
> He shouldn't be overly critical of my looks; telling me to get plastic surgery and/or bashing/making fun of me is an absolute no. I've been constantly compared to other girls by male "friends" in the past, e.g. "She's so much prettier than you. If you didn't have such a man's jaw you'd be on her level."
> ...


Look at your own irony. You don't want him to be critical of your looks, but at the same time, you want him to be tall, handsome and physically attractive? If you want a guy to accept you "just" the way you physically are, you should also do the same, and not have high requirements of your own. I just don't understand the idea of being with a girl and at the same time actively making fun of her. Why would the guy be with her in the first place? Honestly, from a guys perspective, most guys won't even show interest in a girl if they don't find her, even a "bit" attractive, no matter how decent, nice, loving, and caring the girl might be.

You might want to evaluate yourself with what you "have" and what you "can have."


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

evgtrees said:


> Look at your own irony. You don't want him to be critical of your looks, but at the same time, you want him to be tall, handsome and physically attractive? If you want a guy to accept you "just" the way you physically are, you should also do the same, and not have high requirements of your own.


I understand some level of being critical about my looks - guys have every right to be picky, too. I just don't want to be with someone that calls me ugly and makes fun of me. IMO, having a guy tell me I need extensive plastic surgery to look like someone else is a bit much.



evgtrees said:


> You might want to evaluate yourself with what you "have" and what you "can have."


I've always understood that I don't "have" looks, and that my league is rock-bottom in terms of attractiveness. Don't get me wrong, I totally know that. I know that I am an extremely unattractive female, and that I shouldn't have ANY preferences for males, but because of instinct, I do and it sucks.


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## Shinichi (Dec 4, 2012)

And people here are really surprised that they're single?


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I understand some level of being critical about my looks - guys have every right to be picky, too. I just don't want to be with someone that calls me ugly and makes fun of me. IMO, having a guy tell me I need extensive plastic surgery to look like someone else is a bit much.


Here is the truth, and pay attention to this. I also told you about this before. *If we guys aren't even a "bit" physically attractive to a girl, we won't consider her as our romantic interest.* For us, physical attraction comes first, and then personality comes later. So, for a guy to actually be interested in you and then have you as a girlfriend, he HAS to be "somewhat" physically attracted to you in the first place. Now you seem like a sweet girl, your perosnality will shine, he will see that and it will make up for your looks. Eventually you will come off as Monalisa, for ex. in his eye. Over time, you will be the light of his day, and the love of his life. He won't even care for Angelina Jolie, bc you will be his Angelina Jolie.

Now, if you bring us a girl who is obese, (300 lbs), rotten teeth, hair falling out, loose skin etc. and tell us that she will care for us, love us, cook for us, and do anything we want her to do, we will turn her down, cuz we aren't physically attracted to her in the first place. It doesnt go other way around. In Junior High and in HS, I had 2 good female friends that I really got along with, but never showed interest, cuz I wasn't physically attracted even a bit to them in the first place.

So, there is NO way, a guy will be with you and then make fun of your face and tell you to get surgery. _The only time that will happen if he just wants to use you for sex, and nothing more. _If he really didnt like you, then he won't be with you. I am not sure if you fully understood what I just said, if not then I want you to go back and re-read it until you have it fully ingrained in your head. But even then you would still be anxious and a bit skeptical. Right? Well, for that, you need actual proof, and you really have to take a few steps ahead, be in an actual relationship and see that my words are true.



tbyrfan said:


> I've always understood that I don't "have" looks, and that my league is rock-bottom in terms of attractiveness. Don't get me wrong, I totally know that. I know that I am an extremely unattractive female, and that I shouldn't have ANY preferences for males, but because of instinct, I do and it sucks.


For this one, ok. You keep on saying that you don't have the looks, but I think you are feeding youself negative talks, like most of us do here. I did that 2x in my life, and then it lead me to a suicidal depression. *The key here is to "believe" in yourself. *You aren't like a 300 lbs girl, rotten teeth, and balding. Now, that would be having rock-bottom. No offense to such people, BTW. Realistically speaking, you are an average girl in terms of looks. I am not sure where you are getting these references from. I am guessing you are under the influence of mass media and pop culture, that every girl should be like a blonde doll. Well thats not the case with reality. We are product of our genes and nature shaped us this way. We had ABSOLUTELY NO control over it, with the way we were born. BUT, we have control over how we take care of ourselves, and what we feed our mind (positive talk).

Now, in speaking of your preferences, the only preferences you should have for a male is "_ok looking, healthy, good hygiene, DDS free, non-smoker, etc_." and if he happens to be a handsome guy, then its a win-win situation. Now, there are attractive guys who like commitment, and there other attractive ones who like to have fun and play with girls. You don't want one from the latter group right? If it makes you feel better, I am not as good looking like Brad Pitt, or Jon Hamm, I lack something in terms of my looks like you. I know I can't get a model, or an exotic dancer gf. BUT, I dont have may pref. like she has to be like a model, super attractive, hourglass figure etc. No, none of those things, my boundaries are DDS free, non smoker, etc. and most importnatly, I want a girl who will like me and love me for myself the way I am, and if that happens to be an average, plain Jane, so let it be.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

I have to be physically attracted to them.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

evgtrees said:


> Now, in speaking of your preferences, the only preferences you should have for a male is "_ok looking, healthy, good hygiene, DDS free, non-smoker, etc_." and if he happens to be a handsome guy, then its a win-win situation. Now, there are attractive guys who like commitment, and there other attractive ones who like to have fun and play with girls. You don't want one from the latter group right? If it makes you feel better, I am not as good looking like Brad Pitt, or Jon Hamm, I lack something in terms of my looks like you. I know I can't get a model, or an exotic dancer gf. BUT, I dont have may pref. like she has to be like a model, super attractive, hourglass figure etc. No, none of those things, my boundaries are DDS free, non smoker, etc. and most importnatly, I want a girl who will like me and love me for myself the way I am, and if that happens to be an average, plain Jane, so let it be.


I am not only attracted to super handsome guys - in fact, those celebrity/model-looking types intimidate me and i'm not really attracted to them. I have been attracted to "average" guys before, even a few that most people would consider unattractive. I understand that I am too ugly to have preferences, don't worry I am not fooling myself. I am trying to force those thoughts out of my head and fully accept my ugliness and eliminate all expectations out of my life.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

tbyrfan said:


> I am not only attracted to super handsome guys - in fact, those celebrity/model-looking types intimidate me and i'm not really attracted to them. I have been attracted to "average" guys before, even a few that most people would consider unattractive. I understand that I am too ugly to have preferences, don't worry I am not fooling myself. I am trying to force those thoughts out of my head and fully accept my ugliness and eliminate all expectations out of my life.


Do you keep on posting how unattractive to find yourself to fish for compliments? I mean would a person that has such views about him herself post a self pic as an avatar?


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Dita said:


> I'm so picky that I don't even date.


Same here.


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## Rossy (Jan 15, 2011)

Very,Id rather be single than be stuck with somebody I did not like.


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## munir (Jun 1, 2012)

I dont like to date a girl with more experience than me.


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## munir (Jun 1, 2012)

Shinichi said:


> And people here are really surprised that they're single?


 :agree:b


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## Tangerine (Feb 16, 2010)

He has to be nice, not a druggie/smoker/in trouble with law type (I need someone capable of making good decisions basically) . 

Other than that...not much stipulations.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

nubly said:


> Do you keep on posting how unattractive to find yourself to fish for compliments? I mean would a person that has such views about him herself post a self pic as an avatar?


No, i'm just venting. I'm acknowledging that my attractiveness level has an effect on my life, and i'm trying to figure out how much of an effect it has.


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## JadedAm (Dec 28, 2011)

I personally don't think I'm picky. But I've been told that I am a bit picky.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> No, i'm just venting. I'm acknowledging that my attractiveness level has an effect on my life, and i'm trying to figure out how much of an effect it has.


Wanna know how much? I am guessing you are depressed. You are def. insecure, have low self-esteem, and maybe sometimes you have suicidal thoughts. Keep on thinking like this, and you might end up 6 feet under before your time comes.


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

evgtrees said:


> Wanna know how much? I am guessing you are depressed. You are def. insecure, have low self-esteem, and maybe sometimes you have suicidal thoughts. Keep on thinking like this, and you might end up 6 feet under before your time comes.


I don't have suicidal thoughts and i'm not depressed - it does put a damper on things though.

I could never kill myself, especially not over my looks. I know that's a stupid reason.


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## AwkBoy (Jun 7, 2012)

I don't know why people on here have such a problem with drug and alcohol use. Especially drug use. I mean, I can understand there being a problem with some harder drugs like heroin or meth, but are weed and cocaine (among others) really that bad?


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

tbyrfan said:


> I don't have suicidal thoughts and i'm not depressed - it does put a damper on things though.
> 
> I could never kill myself, especially not over my looks. I know that's a stupid reason.


Yes you are depressed, may be a little bit, but you are. Otherwise, you wouldn't care that others have called you ugly and doing a lot of negative self-talk on a daily basis.

Have you tried making friends with some like minded people who won't like down on you, like us over here on this forum? Find them in real life. Have a few women friends, as well as guy friends. You are also socially inept, you need to get some social skills covered for yourself. If you are living in a hell like this, then how do all obese girls live (no offense)? I saw a overweight women working at a bakery, does she care about what people are thinking about her? Yes, most guys would probably describe her as fat, but she DOESN'T care. Problem with you is you do. You care about what others think of you, and be really with nice with them to please them, and then end up giving wrong impression to guys. Its your life, its your body, own it and be proud of it. I bet you didnt even defend yourself when someone called you ugly in your face, you took that deep in your heart and are crying about it.

I didn't want to say this cuz I really liked the soft feminine quaility in you, but you are weak, you are a weak woman, and if you keep on beign like this, people will walk over all your life, and treat you like a dirtbag.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

AwkBoy said:


> I don't know why people on here have such a problem with drug and alcohol use. Especially drug use. I mean, I can understand there being a problem with some harder drugs like heroin or meth, but are weed and cocaine (among others) really that bad?


I think a lot of people confuse drug use with drug abuse. Most people who use drugs do not abuse them.

I would never date someone who did no drugs/alcohol. It's boring to be sober all the time.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

AwkBoy said:


> I don't know why people on here have such a problem with drug and alcohol use. Especially drug use. I mean, I can understand there being a problem with some harder drugs like heroin or meth, but are weed and cocaine (among others) really that bad?


If she's going to have a vice, let it be a clean vice.


komorikun said:


> I think a lot of people confuse drug use with drug abuse. Most people who use drugs do not abuse them.
> 
> I would never date someone who did no drugs/alcohol. It's boring to be sober all the time.


If your partner is only fun when drunk/high then maybe you two aren't compatible.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I think a lot of people confuse drug use with drug abuse. Most people who use drugs do not abuse them.
> 
> I would never date someone who did no drugs/alcohol. It's boring to be sober all the time.


Wow, you seem like to have a happy relationship with drugs. I would never date a person like you.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

nubly said:


> If your partner is only fun when drunk/high then maybe you two aren't compatible.


I didn't say that but being sober all the time is boring. It's fun to get drunk and use drugs and if I can't do that with my partner on occasion I'd rather not date them. It sucks to drink alone.

Plus I have other theories about people who are teetotalers. Many have an urge to be in control all the time.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I didn't say that but being sober all the time is boring. It's fun to get drunk and use drugs and if I can't do that with my partner on occasion I'd rather not date them. It sucks to drink alone.
> 
> Plus I have other theories about people who are teetotalers. Many have an urge to be in control all the time.


Looks like the only fun thing you can think of doing with your partner is drugs/alcohol, and thats really sad.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

evgtrees said:


> Looks like the only fun thing you can think of doing with your partner is drugs/alcohol, and thats really sad.


Where did I say that it was the ONLY thing fun to do together? Your reading comprehension isn't too hot. Anyways the majority of people do drugs or drink alcohol so it's not like it's a tough requirement to fulfill.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

komorikun said:


> Where did I say that it was the ONLY thing fun to do together? Your reading comprehension isn't too hot. *Anyways the majority of people do drugs or drink alcohol* so it's not like it's a tough requirement to fulfill.


That's kind of depressing to hear for me. The two girlfriend's I've been with did drink but didn't get drunk and didn't do drugs. The other women I've been out with, I didn't stay with them long enough to know what they're into. I wonder if any of them where high with me.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Where did I say that it was the ONLY thing fun to do together? Your reading comprehension isn't too hot. Anyways the majority of people do drugs or drink alcohol so it's not like it's a tough requirement to fulfill.


You didnt, but just had one obsession there: drugs. The majority of the people do drugs? Drinknig alcohol is fine. But drugs? Are you serious?


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

nubly said:


> That's kind of depressing to hear for me. The two girlfriend's I've been with did drink but didn't get drunk and didn't do drugs. The other women I've been out with, I didn't stay with them long enough to know what they're into. I wonder if any of them where high with me.


Around here many people smoke pot AND drink. The vast majority do one or the other. I've been on a few dates with guys who didn't drink and it was kind of weird to drink alone. I also dated one guy who rarely drank. He actually got annoyed with me if I drank wine while we watched TV. Not sure if it was any coincidence that he also tried to control other aspects of my life.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Around here many people smoke pot AND drink. The vast majority do one or the other. I've been on a few dates with guys who didn't drink and it was kind of weird to drink alone. I also dated one guy who rarely drank. He actually got annoyed with me if I drank wine while we watched TV. Not sure if it was any coincidence that he also tried to control other aspects of my life.


Are you from the ghetto or something, where the quality of life is so low that you can't meet a decent guy living a proper life?


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## tbyrfan (Feb 24, 2011)

evgtrees said:


> Yes you are depressed, may be a little bit, but you are. Otherwise, you wouldn't care that others have called you ugly and doing a lot of negative self-talk on a daily basis.
> 
> Have you tried making friends with some like minded people who won't like down on you, like us over here on this forum? Find them in real life. Have a few women friends, as well as guy friends. You are also socially inept, you need to get some social skills covered for yourself. If you are living in a hell like this, then how do all obese girls live (no offense)? I saw a overweight women working at a bakery, does she care about what people are thinking about her? Yes, most guys would probably describe her as fat, but she DOESN'T care. Problem with you is you do. You care about what others think of you, and be really with nice with them to please them, and then end up giving wrong impression to guys. Its your life, its your body, own it and be proud of it. I bet you didnt even defend yourself when someone called you ugly in your face, you took that deep in your heart and are crying about it.
> 
> I didn't want to say this cuz I really liked the soft feminine quaility in you, but you are weak, you are a weak woman, and if you keep on beign like this, people will walk over all your life, and treat you like a dirtbag.


I actually have a lot of real-life friends, both male and female, who treat me right. All the support I get from them doesn't affect the way I feel about my looks, unfortunately, but the words of a few mean strangers do. :no Feeling better about my looks has to come from me.

I am trying to work on not caring so much about what other people think. I'm less of a people-pleaser than I used to be. I do stand up for myself if people are being mean, but not when they call me ugly because I believe them. I just ignore them because defending myself is just going to show them that they got me upset.

I can be pretty weak and it aggravates me. I want to learn how to stand up for myself more and be more assertive, because people have used me and walked all over me before, and it isn't until it gets REALLY bad sometimes that I finally put my foot down and stand up for myself.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

evgtrees said:


> Are you from the ghetto or something, where the quality of life is so low that you can't meet a decent guy living a proper life?


Why are you so conservative? Do you live in a small hick town or something?


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Why are you so conservative? Do you live in a small hick town or something?


At least we have decent people with good personal habits in small towns.


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## mike285 (Aug 21, 2010)

People have different preferences in terms of the opposite sex. Lots of research indicates we have longer lasting relationships with people who are more similar with you to begin with than not.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

evgtrees said:


> At least we have decent people with good personal habits in small towns.


Isn't obesity much more common in small towns than in large cities? Very healthy....

http://news.yahoo.com/rural-america-fatter-urban-america-222638982--abc-news-wellness.html


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## BladeRunnerB26354 (Apr 12, 2012)

I'm not picky enough!

In fact I have a bad habit of picking girls when I'm at my lowest ebb, and girls where I feel in charge. Put together this formula means when I start to pull myself up again - get a better job and get out of the slump, my GF is no longer suitable for me, because I chose a girl who didn't care much about their own ambition.

^ I then spend months trying to persuade them to improve themselves and change to match my own sudden change. I realise now that that isn't right - they shouldn't have to change so much - they didn't want to change when I met them, even if they really needed to and their current lifestyle was a big waste of their abilities.

I've done this the last 3 girls I've dated and I've only just realised I have this pattern. 

For this reason now that I'm single (as of a few days ago), I'm going to try not to date until I have my life a lot more sorted - been in my new job at least a year, built up my savings again, been doing lots of new hobbies, bought a new house I'm proud of.

Basically I want to start dating when I'm in a strong position, that way I'll be able to pick a GF without compromising and pick one who matches the more successful me.

I figure this means not dating for at least 2 years!! Whether I last that long remains to be seen!

It also means celibacy for that time!! I'm rubbish at the whole sex buddies thing - I always end up involved, caring for them and dating someone I probably shouldn't.


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## lightningstorm (Oct 10, 2012)

komorikun said:


> Isn't obesity much more common in small towns than in large cities? Very healthy....


Nah, we dont have any Macky D's, or KFCs. Mostly we eat organic food here. You know the way we are, health conscious and try to live longer.


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## BladeRunnerB26354 (Apr 12, 2012)

mike285 said:


> People have different preferences in terms of the opposite sex. Lots of research indicates we have longer lasting relationships with people who are more similar with you to begin with than not.


This is basically what I'm saying I need to do 

Can you link to those studies, Mike? It's something I should definitely read up on!


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## AwkBoy (Jun 7, 2012)

nubly said:


> If she's going to have a vice, let it be a clean vice.


And what kind of vice is that? I wouldn't mind if she didn't want to do any drugs or alcohol, but she would have to be at least be accepting my partaking in it. It would be a huge plus if she at least did some ecstasy with me. That would be a good ****ing time.

Some of the people on here need to loosen up and have some fun. I can only imagine what your college experiences are/were like.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

evgtrees said:


> Are you from the ghetto or something, where the quality of life is so low that you can't meet a decent guy living a proper life?


Aw, that's kind of harsh.



AwkBoy said:


> And what kind of vice is that? I wouldn't mind if she didn't want to do any drugs or alcohol, but she would have to be at least be accepting my partaking in it. It would be a huge plus if she at least did some ecstasy with me. That would be a good ****ing time.
> 
> Some of the people on here need to loosen up and have some fun. I can only imagine what your college experiences are/were like.


Whatever isn't illegal, alters your mind or can be addictive.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I wouldn't consider San Francisco ghetto. Over 43% of adults here have a bachelor's degree.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/05/31/us/education-in-metro-areas.html

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/05/29/us/growing-education-divide-in-cities.html?ref=us


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

im not very picky... as long as i am attracted to something about her and she treats me kindly then id date her


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

*Running a mile from:* Heavy drug user, bad hygiene, mentally ill, a bad person, morbidly obese or skeletal, crappy personality, dumb as a doorknob. Emotionally unstable is a big no-no; my first girlfriend was incredibly manipulative and played mind games. Ugh, never again.

*These are nice:* Intelligence, good communication, a healthy view of relationships, a general vague compatibility of lifestyle/values/humour/goals/interests.

I find a lot of people physically attractive, so I suppose I'm seen as not picky in that regard. Whenever I like someone's personality, their appearance becomes a "type" that I continue to find attractive from then on. So I've collected many types over time and it appears that I'm not picky about looks, but I probably just have eclectic tastes. :roll


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

AwkBoy said:


> I don't know why people on here have such a problem with drug and alcohol use. Especially drug use. I mean, I can understand there being a problem with some harder drugs like heroin or meth, but are weed and cocaine (among others) really that bad?


Cocaine isn't a hard drug anymore? :sus I'm thinking "soft drugs" are marijuana, nicotine, alcohol.


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## RelinquishedHell (Apr 10, 2012)

illmatic1 said:


> im not very picky... as long as i am attracted to something about her and she treats me kindly then id date her


Yeah, I'm pretty much the same way.


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## Pure Maniak (Jul 27, 2008)

all they need is 2 legs and a bush


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

I can't afford to be picky. When you are ugly, you just hope someone will like you.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

Pure Maniak said:


> all they need is 2 legs and a bush


xD


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Pure Maniak said:


> all they need is 2 legs and a bush


And who said romance was dead?


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

kast said:


> And who said romance was dead?


It's not dead. Just impossible if you are a certain person. Aka me


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## AllToAll (Jul 6, 2011)

Not when dating, but when it comes to actually thinking of him as more than a "regular date," yes. Unfortunately, I'm very picky.


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## Pure Maniak (Jul 27, 2008)

kast said:


> And who said romance was dead?


exactly,see I'm not hard to impress ladies,I don't bite....HARD(Austin powers voice)


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## XxArmyofOnexX (Aug 13, 2007)

Shinichi said:


> And people here are really surprised that they're single?


Thank you. :teeth



komorikun said:


> I think a lot of people confuse drug use with drug abuse. Most people who use drugs do not abuse them.
> 
> *I would never date someone who did no drugs/alcohol. It's boring to be sober all the time.*


True, its all about balance. Do it too much and it's not fun anymore and you either get depressed or look for harder stuff. They (drugs/alcohol) do make things more interesting for sure though. Perhaps there are people who can have the best time while being sober ALL the time, but I am not one of them. Not that I drink all the time either, but every once in a while.



evgtrees said:


> Are you from the ghetto or something, where the quality of life is so low that you can't meet a decent guy living a proper life?


Note the location. It's a different culture is all. California is way more open to that sort of stuff as a whole, that's all. (this is not an attack on anyone, this is an observation, just so we're clear).


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