# Always angry, frustrated and tense



## Faded Lines (Sep 22, 2006)

The title says it all. When I am happy, I feel very odd. There is always some sort of misery or anger lurking within me. When I am feeling happy, anger suddenly comes out of nowhere. I recognize that I am not angry, and then at any given moment I can get frustrated again and start thinking about things that really tick me off. I try as hard as possible to avoid the thoughts. They can range from very mild things, to very severe things that almost make me go on a full blown rage. Such an example is, it'll be Friday night. I'm having a good time, and out of nowhere something such as school pops into my mind. It almost ruins my night knowing that I have to go to that crap on Monday. I listen to very angry/dark music...I know no other way to feel good. It is almost as if I feel myself when angry. When I listen to this kind of music (such as dark ambient) I feel like something takes me over, and I am just in the wilderness, all alone with my eyes shut, really taking in the music and having it connect to my brain. You may laugh at that, but it is true. No matter how hard I try, I just can't listen to upbeat music. I love violence when it is justified, and yeah I know many think it is never justified, and vulgarity AT TIMES (sometimes it's disgusting) Like if someone calls someone a mother f'er, I smile...not sure why. But, I don't know, I think you can catch on to what I am getting at. I think it is a huge problem and I don't know how to overcome it.


----------

