# Coming clean to my crush today



## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

It's been almost 3 months now since we know each other. We talk on a daily basis on Facebook and sometimes we even talk all night until sunrise. I know her from my group of friends (though I get really shut down when we all hang out together and feel I can't really be myself, and just by ourselves we only hung out twice).

I seriously doubt she is interested in me romantically. But I'm so pent up I really feel the need to move forward, but I've been depressed for the past few months and started taking Sertraline again but just very recently have I summoned the courage to tell her how I feel.

I'm simply going to leave her a very straight-foward, to the point, message on Facebook telling her that I want us to become more than friends, though I know that's impossible because she doesn't feel the same way, but I still have to hear it from her nevertheless so I can convince myself and move on.

And right after sending the message, I'm planning on getting drunk with my best friend and not check my Facebook in as long time as possible.


Anyway, thank you for reading me. Let's just hope this all ends as smoothly as possible.


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## Rich19 (Aug 11, 2012)

good for you bulidiing up the courage to tell someone the truth about your feelings but here comes my concern....
your probably in her freind zone you should have told her much earlier in your freindship. I think she is much more likely to date u if you tell her in person or atleast over the phone. fb, email or texts are a bad way of doing it but it's probably to late for that....


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

How do you know she doesn't feel the same? Maybe she does. Don't have that attitude. If she doesn't feel the same then yes you should move on, but don't assume anything... Just go for it. Good luck.


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## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

Rich19 said:


> good for you bulidiing up the courage to tell someone the truth about your feelings but here comes my concern....
> your probably in her freind zone you should have told her much earlier in your freindship. I think she is much more likely to date u if you tell her in person or atleast over the phone. fb, email or texts are a bad way of doing it but it's probably to late for that....


I know almost for a fact that I'm in the friend zone. I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. And I guess you're right, I should do it in person, but I just wouldn't know how to handle the situation after she says no. I can't just say goodbye and run home. But then there's also the fact that in person she's more likely to act intuitively and respond to my advances regardless that she's never seen me that way before.

I just want to get this over with, as painless as possible.



omofca said:


> How do you know she doesn't feel the same? Maybe she does. Don't have that attitude. If she doesn't feel the same then yes you should move on, but don't assume anything... Just go for it. Good luck.


I'm speaking a language of certainties. Granted, I beat the living shït out of myself for anything and I overanalyse things, so I'm never a good judge of situations. But the few signs that could be interpreted as signs of interest are scarce and easily disputable. I have SA, though, so I do tend to cherry-pick everything and make the bad things stand out. Therein lies my last hope and pretty much the reason why I decided to take myself hostage and tell her regardless of what my insecurities keep barking at my brain.


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## Richard Pawgins (Jul 11, 2013)

it will probably end in failure, I encourage you to try but don't get ur hopes up


In fact if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't do anything at all, I'd just remain platonic friends until she gives me some sort of signal, if she doesn't then I'd just leave it alone.


but I'm lame and haven't had a girlfriend in like 7 years so don't listen to me


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## inerameia (Jan 26, 2012)

If she says no in person it might be a little awkward but just try to accept it. Do you mind updating?


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## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

So I sent her a message on Facebook and right after clicking "Send", I turned off my computer and went out with my friends and got completely shïtfaced. The next day, given that I'd most likely spend the whole day listening to music, depressed over her rejection, I decided to check my messages there with everyone.

She said yes. Everyone knows she likes me, ever since she told everyone at a party 3 months ago. She said I'm probably the last person to find out.

This is really fücking weird, guys. I have no clue what to do now, I never seriously considered a scenario where she would actually say yes. She invited us over to her house to hang out, I'm gonna try and kiss her on the elevator. I'm so fücking close, I don't wanna be all awkward and blow this. Let's just hope I somehow manage to get my shït together tonight.


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## ItsEasierToRun (Feb 2, 2013)

^You got balls man, I'm happy for you  Hope things go alright


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## scythe7 (Apr 29, 2013)




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## Unerring Fallacy (Jul 22, 2013)

If you are sure of the result, then why are you confessing in the first place? To release the pent up emotions and vent is one thing, but understand that a normal girl will have no idea how to respond to such a thing.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

This didn't sound especially hopeful in the original post, but good to hear it worked out for you. 

Good luck with 'things'


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## TruthWithin (Jul 5, 2013)

If only it worked like that for everyone nevertheless good luck with the future of your relationship


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## scum (Jun 30, 2011)

Improbable. enjoy the moment, I hope things go well for you

edit: the fact that she gave you so much of her precious time to talk to you indicates rapport, plus from the content and pace of your conversations, you could have deciphered whether you were likely friendzoned or not. best of luck!


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## villadb (Dec 30, 2012)

Awh nice, gives us all hope that does! I'm wondering whether I should just go 'screw it' and just blurt out to this girl that I like her. At least I'd stop beating myself up with the miserable self-doubt. It's the not knowing that kills you, after all.


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## hellinnorway (Aug 6, 2011)

Please update us bro, let us know how things go. I hope things work out well for you.


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## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

Well, she called off the gathering tonight at her place. Out of the blue. She just said "Guys, we can't use my house tonight, SORRY!!!". Of course, this gives a lot to speculate. At first, I thought she was gonna ask me to come over, but so far she hasn't tried to get into contact with me. Then there's the possibility that she's freaking out (which I doubt, she's a really laid-back person, unless there's some dark, insecure side of her I haven't noticed yet). 
Because, obviously, I had already made up my mind when I decided to tell her how I felt, so my mindframe right now must be completely different than her's: to her, this bomb was dropped on her out of the clear blue sky, just random.

I don't know, you guys. I don't want to get my hopes too high. Only after having kissed her and wrapped around my arms I think I can claim victory. Murphy's Law is the keyword here. There's a hundred ways this can go awry. I'll just make sure I've exhausted all resources that are available for me, so that should it go awry, I can feel relieved knowing that I tried my best and what happened was beyond me.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

Rooting for you Obfuscate, really am! I've been in an almost exact situation like yours just 3 months ago, but the outcome was different than yours. She didn't feel the same and I've been at an all-time low since then. I really, really hope you get her!  And I think it's sensible to not get high hopes, even though she feels the same than you. Keep us updated, I'll be following this with attention.


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## moloko (May 1, 2013)

By the way I suggest you take control of the situation and invite her to do something and be with her, just the two of you. Don't expect her to lead. You should've done it, despite of that party. But you know best, just giving my opinion and trying to help. (sorry for double post)


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## tony420 (Jul 27, 2013)

hell ya man


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## bbarn (Dec 22, 2007)

Im proud of ya, it takes a lot of courage to reveal your feelings to someone after feeling that way for a while. I was also in the same boat as you but with a different outcome. Time flies, and heals all wounds. Now you have to spend alone time with her and things should be all good


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## TheBlackPigeon (Aug 10, 2013)

Two things:

1. I don't know why, but I read this as "Coming to Clean my Crush". 
2. Whether or not you actually gave her a bath, I'm still happy to hear that she seems to be receptive to your feelings toward her.


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## tilo brown eyes (Jun 7, 2013)

Well good luck. You're doing something that I have never been able to do. And how do you know that she doesn't feel the exact same way? 
You never know.


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## ShoeGal (Aug 11, 2013)

I didn't see any female voices in this thread, so....You should definitely ask her to do something 1 on 1. She already said she likes you, so almost all of your risk is gone. If she's a standard-issue girl, she probably is freaking out and overanalyzing whatever is happening between you two. Except now she's probably wondering why you haven't asked her out yet, and what if you changed your mind, or she did something to make you mad.....put the girl out of her misery and ask her to movie!

Signed,
A girl

PS: Congratulations on having the guts to even tell her how you felt! I would never have ever done it...


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## Anticipate (Dec 23, 2012)

ShoeGal said:


> I didn't see any female voices in this thread, so....You should definitely ask her to do something 1 on 1. She already said she likes you, so almost all of your risk is gone. If she's a standard-issue girl, she probably is freaking out and overanalyzing whatever is happening between you two. Except now she's probably wondering why you haven't asked her out yet, and what if you changed your mind, or she did something to make you mad.....put the girl out of her misery and ask her to movie!
> 
> Signed,
> A girl
> ...


Well said, I am also a girl and completely agree with asking her to go out on a date one on one. Congratulations on finding out that your feelings are reciprocated! It sounds great so far, but please keep us posted on what happens next!


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## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

ShoeGal said:


> I didn't see any female voices in this thread, so....You should definitely ask her to do something 1 on 1. She already said she likes you, so almost all of your risk is gone. If she's a standard-issue girl, she probably is freaking out and overanalyzing whatever is happening between you two. Except now she's probably wondering why you haven't asked her out yet, and what if you changed your mind, or she did something to make you mad.....put the girl out of her misery and ask her to movie!
> 
> Signed,
> A girl
> ...


Wow, thanks a lot for this insight. I hope it's really not something I should worry about.

On the weekend, we both went out with our friends, so we haven't spoken a word. Today I had to run some errands and couldn't see her. This is killing me, all I think about is how happy I am that she likes me. I keep fantasising about her and imagining what my life would be like if she was my girlfriend. My mind is always 5 steps ahead of reality.

I've got a job interview tomorrow afternoon and she has a meeting later in the evening, so I told her maybe we should still meet, at least for a while. I was planning on taking her home and watch a movie and smoke some weed, but now I'm thinking of taking a walk in the park (it's FREEZING where I live, but I have no other choice, I guess) with her, since we have like an hour, an hour and a half tops for being together.

I'm an extremely awkward person and just can't act cool. That's simply a superpower I was not bestowed with. And also, I don't want to beat around the bush for too long. This is why I'm thinking about saying hi to her when I pick her up at her place and then casually say: "oh, by the way, at some point today, I'm going to kiss you. You won't know when it's coming and you won't be able to do anything about it. But, believe me, I will kiss you".


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## Lincolnradiocat (Dec 10, 2005)

Obfuscate said:


> Wow, thanks a lot for this insight. I hope it's really not something I should worry about.
> 
> On the weekend, we both went out with our friends, so we haven't spoken a word. Today I had to run some errands and couldn't see her. This is killing me, all I think about is how happy I am that she likes me. I keep fantasising about her and imagining what my life would be like if she was my girlfriend. My mind is always 5 steps ahead of reality.
> 
> ...


IMO you have to make a move. The more you dilly dally, the more this girl will think you are rejecting her, and she will move on. Just throw it out all out there, don't hold back.

Looking back, I wish I would have done the same to a couple of crushes I had, instead of just looking for signs they were interested, and then making a move.

Now, I just wish there was somebody around I could crush on!

Edit: Damn emoticon at the top, I don't know how that got there. I'm not unhappy. lol


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## Obfuscate (Jun 11, 2013)

Well, I took her to the park like I said and we kissed. It was a terrible kiss, to be honest. My mouth was really dry for no reason and I sort of tried to stick my tongue and she pulled back. After that, we walked around and talked and when we got to her apartment, I kissed her again. Both times, it felt SO awkward.

I know some SAD'ers here had worse first kisses, but my question is: to what extent does this determine the outcome of the relationship? Because this was one awkward fücking date. I did not feel that spark (that kind of spark, if you catch my drift, I'm thinking the Sertraline is taking its toll, my libido has been significantly low).

Now I know my perception of everything around me is always going to be covered with black clouds. I'm tired of this. I know that if I could speak to myself at the time I made this thread http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/jonesing-471538/ I wouldn't believe it. It just never fücking ends. And I can't give up here, not now. I can't blow this.

And also, thank you all SO much for following this. I'm really happy I have a place to talk about this.

P.S. how do you edit your posts?


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## ShoeGal (Aug 11, 2013)

If I liked someone, 1 or 2 bad kisses wouldn't really change anything at all. I think its awkward at first in every situation, SAD or not... It's new and you're both nervous. It'll be better next time!

I don't think you blew it at all. So far, you've been taking risks and they're paying off. It couldn't have been too terrible if she let you kiss her twice...


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## dal user (Dec 25, 2012)

Well done. You have got more balls than I have , just the other day I saw my crush in work but I didn't make a move because I know she wouldn't find me attractive because im an ugly f*cking idiot.


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## Anticipate (Dec 23, 2012)

I think you need to have a certain amount of posts before you get editing privileges- I forgot the exact amount, but I think it's around 30 or 40 posts.


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## losteternal (Apr 1, 2013)

This is brilliant news and I really hope you are happy together.


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