# How do feel about being touched?



## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

I'm curious how polarized this is.


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

By people I'm not intimate with, hate it.


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## ShatteredGlass (Oct 12, 2012)

^ Pretty much. The only time I can tolerate/like being touched is if I'm emotionally close to the person who is touching me. That does not include family members, mind you.. only good friends and romantic interests/partners.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

At best I don't need it, at worst I strongly dislike it or feel very uncomfortable. 

I'd probably tolerate it with only mild discomfort from a very close friend, same with my brother (but we don't hug and actually I don't think I've ever hugged him first, but he has tried to hug me a few times, mostly as a joke.) People I'm in a relationship with would be an exception. I feel uncomfortable when my parents hug me usually, but it can be nice.

I realise now I've just covered hugging. Oh well that's what most people go for.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

The 100 character limit for poll options is harsh. It took me a while to trim them down. :/


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## clarkekent (Dec 2, 2015)

Where? It'd be different if someone touched me on my shoulder versus someone touched me on my pee pee. My feelings will be different.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

I'm pretty big on personal space. But at the same time I wonder sometimes when I start flirting or if she starts flirting with me if the physical boundaries, the personal space will start to go away as fast as they would if other guys were flirting with her. Am I too slow to let her in, to open up, to let my guard down. I don't think I am. I mean we kid around, like with my crush at work right now I was patting her on the arm and she was doing the same to me at the staff meeting last week, and we were making a whole lot of eye contact, and I helped her load up some things in her car...but I do have boundaries that are just anxiety, and I hate them. It's hard to let them down sometimes. Really, really hard to do and that's got to be one of the worst things I hate about having anxiety.


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## burgerchuckie (May 31, 2012)

Not into it. I feel uncomfortable.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

If we're not sleeping together don't touch me.....that simple. I can make some exceptions here and there. I grew up in a family that never hugged or anything.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

It makes me very uncomfortable, but I am getting better at hiding my distress when people touch me.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

No recoil response, but my paranoia does not approve of someone getting that close.


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## Paperback Writer (Feb 7, 2015)

I usually flinch when touched, unless I can see it coming.

It's not that I don't want to be touched. It's just how my body reacts.


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## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

I kinda like hand on shoulders, I tolerate handshakes, I don't like hugs, I hate cheek kiss greeting but I tolerate it when necessary.



clarkekent said:


> Where? It'd be different if someone touched me on my shoulder versus someone touched me on my pee pee. My feelings will be different.


I found a European study about this, seems like a lot of people don't like being touched by anyone except by their partner, especially men, but they're ok with it if a stranger touches their genitals if the stranger is female.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

I really like it when someone touches me, even if they're strangers. I dunno why. Like, someone playing with my hair or just touches my arms/shoulders, stuff like that. Drag a finger down my back and I'll freeze in place and hope you don't stop lol.


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## AffinityWing (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm ok with people I trust. I like hugs (probably since I've rarely gotten them throughout my life..or any such display of affection that close) although I can still feel embarrassed about them in public. I've had classmates do things like lift me up suddenly and I got super self-conscious but I would enjoy a hug from someone I'm close to. I'd be too scared to initiate it in most cases, though.


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## Erroll (Jan 18, 2016)

EEEEK! Everything is ticklish when another person touches me, so I usually jerk away. Not really something I look forward to, but I make allowances for people.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

I hate being touched. Our family never showed much affection to eachother. Never any hugs or i love you. Probably why we're a bit ****ed up. I had more hugs from random total strangers than i had from my own family.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Were said:


> http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/10/26/15/2DCD8B6200000578-3290112-image-a-1_1445873743950.jpg


This is kind of sad that men would feel some discomfort on average being touched by their partner. :/



Aribeth said:


> I really like it when someone touches me, even if they're strangers. I dunno why. Like, someone playing with my hair or just touches my arms/shoulders, stuff like that. Drag a finger down my back and I'll freeze in place and hope you don't stop lol.


I am on this end of the spectrum as well. I don't have any memory of a pro-social-in-intent physical gesture that didn't cause me happy feelings and they can be strikingly strong and anxiety-reducing. I almost as a rule unconsciously interpret touch as social acceptance and togetherness and feel bonding as a result. In some contrast, momentarily putting my hand on the shoulder of a friend I'm very fond of is a noteworthy feat of courage for me requiring certain planetary alignments.


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## Ominous Indeed (Sep 6, 2015)

I like it when people touch me and I like to touch people generally. I don't care if you are male, female, white, black, small or big, christian or atheist - If you wanna give me a shoulder massage, I am not gonna stop you.

I have never been big on hugs when you meet someone (or leave them). Do I hug? Or is a handshake enough? Sometimes I want to handshake, and they try to hug, and other times it's the other way around and it just creates a weird atmosphere when that happens.


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## SD92 (Nov 9, 2013)

It ok if it's from a women I like. I wouldn't care about hugging anyone else, my family aren't huggers, I don't think I've ever been hugged by my parents.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

**I dislike being touched even by family or very close friends, but tolerate it
*I'm uncomfortable with touch from fam or very close friends, but also kind of like it?
*I find comfort in hugs from friends, a hand on shoulder from a stranger if I trust the context*

As contradictory as it is, I'm torn somewhere between variants of all of these. :/

The plain truth is, *I loathe being touched*. Even by family. With close family, it feels weird and alien (maybe because they do it so rarely--we're not an emotionally demonstrative family); with extended family, friends, and anyone else, it feels terribly invasive and "squicky." My aunt once touched the back of my neck in a friendly manner and for days afterward I felt like I'd been branded. :x I tolerate it for the sake of being polite, but I don't seek it out, and it just feels so strange; even a handshake makes me take pause. (For the record, I hate touching other people, too.)

I know it's not my SA that's to blame for this, either, since in elementary school (before I developed SA), a close friend suddenly hugged me, then let me go and said, "You're not a very huggy person, are you?" I guess I'd stiffened up like a board. ;_; Plus another friend was always wanting to play with my long hair (I guess that's what girls do?), and I always had to tell her NO. :mum

Thing is...some emotional part of my brain _wants_ to like being touched. :sigh A pat on the shoulder or a touch on the arm mentally means so much when I'm discouraged, and a hug would mean so much when I'm hurting. I long for such contact because I almost never get it, and it would tell me that at least someone cares.

But should such physical contact actually come, my body reacts like..._ugh_. *skin crawling* :x :x :x

...So...yeah. Not an easy answer for me. I hate being touched with a passion. But I want it so badly. :/


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## Xenagos (Mar 27, 2013)

I can't stand it. I'm hypersensitive to being touched, just the slightest contact and I flinch. Especially, if I'm touched on my thighs. I will punch you in the face, no joke.


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## TryingMara (Mar 25, 2012)

Depends, but most of the time I like it. Even just a hand on my shoulder tends to relax me. Sitting so close to someone you're touching or brushing past someone can give me asmr-like tingles. I guess I'm that starved for physical contact, which is sad. However there are places I hate to be touched-my hands, forearms and the small of my back. I knew people who whenever they wanted to tell me something or get my attention would pat my hands or forearms which instantly made me angry and irritated.


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## the misanthrope (Aug 15, 2016)

I cannot bear to by touched, except by some one close to me, sometimes even then I will only tolerate it.


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## Canadian Brotha (Jan 23, 2009)

I'm not used to it, didn't grow up in an affectionate family, perpetually single so it usually makes me jumpy and uncomfortable


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

It depends entirely on who it is from and what their motives are.


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## Humesday (Mar 6, 2016)

I generally don't care for it. Our culture is too sexualized and I'm too neurotic to be touched or to touch most people. If someone violates my personal space, I'll probably end up backing up five feet. This seems to offend some of them. That, or they obliviously end up following me across the room, while I gradually keep backing up. People obviously have different preferences for personal space and mine often conflicts with most people's.


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## coeur_brise (Oct 7, 2004)

Because I am this cold, neurotic being, I tend to shy away from hugs at times. Like my bff will try to hug me/make me uncomfortable. Then I'm often told to "go in for the real thing" when really all I do is the awkward side triangle hug. No intimacy! Except for sex, I guess. Im ok with that.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

Nonhostile touch is nice, I don't have to know someone well to enjoy it, as long as there's no reason for me to feel threatened

Hugs are normal for greetings and goodbyes with all my friends, and even usually for friends of friends after a first time meeting

Among close friends we don't really have any barriers or anything like that, massage, playful touch/rubbing, etc are pretty common


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Um ... is that as high as it goes? Lol.

I love touching. I only refrain from it because I know it freaks people out. The exception is when I'm not expecting it, because I'm extremely ticklish/have a high startle response. Most of the people here would hate me.

Oddly, touching is probably the one thing that makes me feel more comfortable with other people. If they're touching me and not trying to hurt me, I feel like I can trust them. Until then, I have no idea. And yes, I'm aware that's completely irrational. In my brain touch = "I like and accept you". No touch = "I don't like you, and you probably disgust me".

For the record, my family is touch-phobic. I don't remember my parents hugging me when I was a kid, though I'm sure they must have when I was younger.


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## MTCC27 (Mar 21, 2016)




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## May19 (Apr 25, 2012)

I suffer from PTSD. I don't like it when people touch me even if they're someone close. I have to initiate it and feel like I have control of the situation at all time or I'll break down. And it's not fun when I break down. It gets pretty messy. Like a person going crazy and rocking themselves in a corner of a room to create a safe space.


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## AllTheSame (Mar 19, 2016)

truant said:


> I love touching. I only refrain from it because I know it freaks people out. The exception is when I'm not expecting it, because I'm extremely ticklish/have a high startle response. Most of the people here would hate me.
> 
> Oddly, touching is probably the one thing that makes me feel more comfortable with other people. If they're touching me and not trying to hurt me, I feel like I can trust them. Until then, I have no idea. And yes, I'm aware that's completely irrational. In my brain touch = "I like and accept you". No touch = "I don't like you, and you probably disgust me".
> 
> For the record, my family is touch-phobic. I don't remember my parents hugging me when I was a kid, though I'm sure they must have when I was younger.


I'm just really strange I guess....I'm kind of the same way as you described but not exactly, with me it's like I want to be touchy/feely but then I usually won't even with people I feel comfortable around, like, and share a sense of humor with because getting too close to people (emotionally) just scares the *** out of me now. Like I mentioned earlier I have a really difficult time letting my walls down, and getting me to initiate and to feel comfortable and get to know someone I don't know well is like ****** pulling teeth sometimes. It's awesome when it happens, like with my crush at work, but it rarely does with me because I have a way of intentionally keeping people at a distance. It's self-preservation, a defense mechanism from having been burned really badly before. I think that's the root cause of a whole lot of my anxiety....having witnessed my ex-gf's suicide. Not just having witnessed it but the fallout afterwards. I've really become someone else, and it's very, very difficult for me to let anyone in anymore.

Nothing sucks more than wanting to let your walls down and just not being able to find it in you to do it. That's got to be one of the biggest negatives with having anxiety issues, for me.

With the women I've been in long term relationships with in the past we've always both been very, very touchy feely. Lots of hugs, lots of patting each other on the booty, and tickling...giving hugs to a friend though still really bothers me for some reason and besides the reasons I listed already I'm not really sure why. I recently changed jobs and at my new job I saw one of my friends from my old job. (we're both in outside sales and we ran into each other in a store). She's someone I talked to, used to get paired up with quite a bit...we've talked for hours. And she saw me and was like "Hey you"!! and ran down the aisle and gave me a great big hug, and I gave her a great big hug back oc and I don't think it showed, but *it freaked me the *** out*. I calmed down after a minute but I don't understand why I'm so uncomfortable with things like that, when I _*want*_ to be more like her....give hugs, touch without being so freaked out about it.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

AllTheSame said:


> I'm kind of the same way as you described but not exactly, with me it's like I want to be touchy/feely but then I usually won't even with people I feel comfortable around...
> 
> Nothing sucks more than wanting to let your walls down and just not being able to find it in you to do it...
> 
> With the women I've been in long term relationships with in the past we've always both been very, very touchy feely.


You've had a terrible experience. That's bound to affect you. My mother had postpartum depression after I was born and I was actually cared for by a relative for the first few weeks while she was in the hospital. I sometimes wonder if it affected me somehow, because all of my biological siblings seem to be touch-phobic.

My fear is that people will think I'm being too affectionate and get weirded out. My last gf was like me, so it worked out. We were almost always touching when we were together. I don't think I could be with someone who wanted to sleep in separate beds, or who didn't like holding hands, etc. I need some kind of regular contact, otherwise a relationship doesn't feel satisfying. I'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't like being touched.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

It depends who it is, their reason for doing so, how I feel at that moment, and how I feel about them at that time.

It's okay or fine sometimes and other times by other people it makes me uncomfortable.


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## Hayman (Dec 27, 2014)

If only I knew what it felt like in order to comment...  

Barring my parents, if they've hugged me or whatever, I have absolutely no idea what it feels like in order to actually know whether I'd like it or not.

Intimacy? What's that...? I've never had this basic privilege either...


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

it usually feels good to receive touch and i like to give it sometimes. depends on the person.


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## scooby (Jun 24, 2009)

I've weirded people out whenever I instinctively recoil from people trying to hug me or touch me. I don't mean to do it, its just a reflex. I'm not too comfortable with touching but I tolerate it if I am prepared for it. I try to keep it under wraps because a lot of other people are more touch happy and I don't want to scare them away.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

I think I was a teddy bear in a past life.


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## Tymes Rhymes (May 28, 2014)

I don't like it. I hate when people feel as though they can touch me without my permission. I sometimes have been known to flinch or even jump when touched even if I see it coming.

Haphephobia it's called.


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## rdrr (Dec 31, 2008)

Touch me, tease me
Feel me and caress me
Hold on tight and don't let go
Baby I'm about to explode
Cuz all my love you can control


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## Makenzie83 (Aug 23, 2016)

Family or a significant other, no problem. Strangers, acquaintances or someone I've been dating for less than a few months, no thank you. I will usually do some sort of super awkward jerk reaction to stop them from hugging me or whatever.


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## Friendonkey (May 13, 2016)

I don't like hugs from strangers or family very much. It feels awkward.

I like hugs from guys I like though.


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## mike91 (Sep 23, 2012)

Nope i hate hugs only person i can take hugs from is my gran witch i dont see that much
from a romantic partner i have no idea if i would enjoy it


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## Cronos (Mar 31, 2013)

I don't mind being touched by family & friends/acquaintances. Hugging is the exception. I can't give/receive one without feeling awkward. It always seems like I'm doing it wrong.


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## NoEgo (Jul 5, 2016)

I actually love being touched. The only touching I hate is the "I love you like a brother" hug you get at the end of a bad first date.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

DrKitty said:


> My grandma likes to touch me gently on the arm when she's conversing with me and it drives me insane. Inside, I'm just like, "Back off!" I've told her how I feel but she still does it. XD


Are you okay with it when your arms are covered, or is it bad no matter what?


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## Zatch (Apr 28, 2013)

Depends on who and why. But I'm fairly ticklish, so if someone tries to do that I cannot be held accountable for their injuries.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

only certified cuties may touch me.


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## Red October (Aug 1, 2016)

kittens have the right idea about touch


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm generally okay with contact from people I'm close with, if a stranger does it... dunno why they would anyway x___x


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Touch me and find out.


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## PL90 (Aug 29, 2016)

I love being touched, hugs, hands anywhere, anything really. Both women and men!

Only exception is being touched by a person that smells or seems unhygienic.

I always felt that touching was a very warm way to bear the loneliness I feel most of the time. Makes me feel closer to people!!


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## birdgirl (Aug 23, 2016)

I love being touched, but I would NEVER touch someone else first


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## Fangirl96 (Apr 13, 2015)

Hate it. I think i could be person who liked hugs though. I do actually really like hugging my mom the extremely rare times we do (like...birthdays). But with other people, no. Hugging as a female is just so awkward. It's either boobs to boobs or boobs to man who can feel boobs (even though im hella flat). I'm also extremely ticklish, so i can't stand any other touching either. I will scream and almost jump out of my own skin, it's that bad.


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## funnynihilist (Jul 29, 2014)

Depends on who is doing the touching.
Last week I saw this woman from my past at a store and she ran up to me and started stroking my beard.
I didn't like that. Her hands were in my face.
Who knows if her hands were clean.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Red October said:


> kittens have the right idea about touch


 Meanwhile, in reality...


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

It's funny, i was thinking about this the other day. (Touchiness, not kittens).

I'm okay with hugs from people i barely know (provided it's friendly and nothing creepy) but even with people i'm close with, put your hand on my shoulder and i'll want to cut it off.

I think to me it feels like ownership. This huge wash of fear and rage comes over me; i know the reason i have this reaction and suppress acting on it, but i still feel it.

If i ever happen to get a bf i should probably explain this to him before he tries to introduce me to anyone or he won't have a gf anymore, haha XD


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

Fangirl96 said:


> Hate it. I think i could be person who liked hugs though. I do actually really like hugging my mom the extremely rare times we do (like...birthdays). But with other people, no. Hugging as a female is just so awkward.


Side hug? But yeah, i hear you.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

DrKitty said:


> Nope, I am not okay with it, whether it is covered or not covered. No touchy! XD


Same.


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## marsia (Mar 22, 2016)

Kevin001 said:


> If we're not sleeping together don't touch me.....that simple. I can make some exceptions here and there. I grew up in a family that never hugged or anything.


What Kevin said. (Hey Kevin!) And also my kid can hug me as much as humanly possible, and my cats. Also I don't mind being hugged by other people's kids or pets. Human hugs that are not close friends are barely tolerated. I have to numb out to do them, and I understand that they are expected, so I put up with them, but I wish I could say what Kevin says above to people who reach out to hug!


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

marsia said:


> What Kevin said. (Hey Kevin!) And also my kid can hug me as much as humanly possible, and my cats. Also I don't mind being hugged by other people's kids or pets. Human hugs that are not close friends are barely tolerated. I have to numb out to do them, and I understand that they are expected, so I put up with them, but I wish I could say what Kevin says above to people who reach out to hug!


:high5


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

Fangirl96 said:


> Hugging as a female is just so awkward. It's either boobs to boobs or boobs to man who can feel boobs (even though im hella flat).


That is interesting perspective. If it helps, I don't think I've ever been conscious of a woman's boobs while hugging. Between two people there's probably enough squishiness ... even hugging my sis, who's rail-thin, and I'm not entirely unlike that myself, I think I only notice that she's kind of tiny all the way around and her shoulder blades are prominent.



The Library of Emma said:


> It's funny, i was thinking about this the other day. (Touchiness, not kittens).
> 
> I'm okay with hugs from people i barely know (provided it's friendly and nothing creepy) but even with people i'm close with, put your hand on my shoulder and i'll want to cut it off.
> 
> ...


Huh, that is interesting, but I see how a person could feel that way about it. Do you tolerate massages?


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## Cascades (Jan 16, 2013)

I don't have much issues with people touching me but I can't stand when a customer taps me on the shoulder, it really irritates me. I voted the second last one.


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## The Library of Emma (Mar 3, 2016)

senkora said:


> Huh, that is interesting, but I see how a person could feel that way about it. Do you tolerate massages?


Hm, i haven't had one in a while, but i think i'd be fine with it (depending on the person, of course).

I have a much better connection with that sort of thing than with taps/light touches.


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## RenegadeReloaded (Mar 12, 2011)

Touch me, touch me, I wanna feel your body 






Seriously now, I was once so crazy that I looked up to buy oxytocin to inject into me. I'm not really into hugging my parents, relatives or my friend. Only feel right if it's a girl.

I was at my grandma's place for a few days and my 11 year old nephew is very physical and came to hug me and kiss me on the cheek several times a day, felt very unnatural to me, btw he does this with other relatives as well. If you need it, go get it, right ?


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