# Asked 2 girls out! (Plus, how I did it)



## Max Seigel (Jul 7, 2015)

First off, woooohooo!!! I finally did it! It's been months since I've asked a girl out. I've been so nervous that I've been unable to approach anyone. The last time I got heartbroken by the girl I really liked. But for some reason, today I was able to approach and ask out 2 girls at the mall, which is tough to do but I did it!. Though both said they had boyfriends, I'm just happy I was able to muster up the courage to do it!

The question is how did I do it? The key for me is to not resist your anxiety. You literally have to accept it. Stop trying to change it or make it go away. When you say to yourself, I accept that I'm anxious, the anxiety actually diminishes. It's a subtle yet important shift in your mindset. Remember, what you resist persists. When you accept the anxiety, you can actually enjoy yourself during the process. 

The other thing that helped was that I started meditating. Meditation gets you out of your own head and makes you present to the moment. Of course anxiety is usually thinking about the past or future. So when you can be present to the present moment, you won't be as anxious. Also, deep breathing helps a lot. When we get anxious, our breath becomes shallow. So you want to do some deep breaths (4 seconds in, 4 seconds out). It will help.

If you're like me and have trouble starting and keeping conversations with people (especially members of the opposite sex), you probably have the misguided belief that you need to say the perfect thing or have the perfect line. Nope! It's easier than we think. The thing that helps me the most is to make comments about the environment. Develop a curiosity. Ask questions. First of all, people like to talk about themselves so they will naturally gravitate towards you when you ask questions. You don't need to do most of the talking. In fact, less is more! For example, I asked the girl about the necklace she was wearing. She started talking about it and I just listened. It's not as hard as you think. Plus when you are focused on the external environment, you're not focused on yourself which is the cause of your anxiety because we are hyper focused on ourselves.


Now as you get more comfortable talking to people, you will begin to be able to think more clearly and therefore come up with things to say. You'll be able to express yourself more freely but you have to start talking to people consistently. Start off easy and slowly progress. The problem I find is again, if I don't do it consistently, my anxiety will get bad again. It's like a muscle. If you don't exercise it regularly, it won't grow. 

So 3 keys. Acceptance, meditation (+ deep breathing), and develop a curiosity/ask questions. Hope this helps.


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## WhoDey85 (Sep 6, 2006)

This advice would be helpful to anyone. Thanks for sharing with us. Congrats!


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## SilkyJay (Jul 6, 2015)

hey good job man! That takes some confidence. And some solid advice on top. I forget to breath a lot of the time when I get nervous. I've wanted to talk to this girl at the grocery store near me in recent times, but I haven't worked up the courage. 

Do you have any advice on meditation? I can maybe keep my mind clean for 4 seconds. I swear the only thing that will rid me of anxiety or overthinking is some good ol office space hypnotherapy. What I'd do for that state of mind. And Jennifer Aniston.


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## iCod (Feb 17, 2015)

Wow. Talk about massive balls of steel.
I can't even look at women without getting nervous.
****ing props to you, man.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Good for you. I have no reason to be creeping up on girls.


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## Zaac (May 20, 2015)

Congratz and good info.


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## slowlyimproving (Jan 2, 2014)

Brilliant advice!! In fact, so good, I'm going to bookmark.


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## Penguinfan (Apr 5, 2015)

That's good info, I just couldn't see myself walking up to a girl and ask her out if I've never seen her before but I might at some time try to.


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## SENNA (Jul 3, 2015)

You talk sense bro


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## Max Seigel (Jul 7, 2015)

Buckyx said:


> if they wanted what would you do with them both though? it seems like when they say they have bfs its like a polite way of saying gtfo
> every girl Ive talked with irl said she has a boyfriend.. wasnt even asking them out or something just a curious conversation
> 
> seems weird despite everyones saying most people are single? then those dont even leave their houses
> thats my impression


Yeah it seemed like one of them was being truthful and the other one was just trying to let me down easy. But I don't care either way. You see, it's a numbers game. The stats that I've been told is if you ask out 100 girls, around 10 will go on a date with you and 2-3 will go on multiple dates or want to be in a relationship. The point is you gotta get through the no's to get to the yes's. In doing that, you need to develop thick skin. You can't take every rejection personally or else you'll never get anywhere. How do you do that? By asking out a lot of girls and getting rejected a lot. When a girl is rejecting you, she isn't necessarily rejecting you because she doesn't know you. She's rejecting how you showed up, how you presented yourself. Either that or she was never actually attracted to you in the first place. Attraction isn't a choice. They either are or aren't.

The way I think about it is I'm like a gift. When I ask a girl out, I'm simply complementing her and not expecting anything in return. If she wants to go out, then great. If she doesn't, that's fine too because I have my own life that I'm working on to improve myself every day. The world needs more people who are givers. Everybody wants something but few are willing to give

So results don't matter because they will come as I improve my skills. The worst thing you could do is get caught up in results when you're a novice at something because you're not gonna get the results you want because you're not good enough yet. You gotta accept that you suck now, but that doesn't mean you'll suck forever. When you do that, every little sign of progress is a big victory. Thus you'll gain momentum. So just being able to ask a question to a girl you're interested is a victory. The problem is we like to compare ourselves to the studs who are a great at getting women. The bottom line is social anxiety and dating is like oil and water. They don't mix. So you just have to set your ego aside and admit that you suck with women. That will take the pressure off you because you won't be expecting to hook up with a girl the same day you talk to her. Little bits of progress over a long period of time is what you're aiming for.

I don't know how many people are single, but I do know that there are a lot of people who are unhappy in the current relationship they're in. I believe that unlike language, relationships are not something we are born with the understanding of how they work. You gotta take the time to learn about them. There are certain skills you need to attract women and have a successful relationship. To me there are 2 main components. One is your life and how much you have your **** together so to speak. Meaning, you have a purpose, you have goals and dreams that you're pursuing, you have hobbies and things you enjoy doing, you have friends and family who support you, but most importantly, you have a positive belief system, self-love, self-respect, self esteem etc... The internal part of who you are needs to be right. When you have confidence in who you are as a person, that's 50%. The other 50% is your skills in attracting, dating, seducing women, and your relationships skills.

I've gotten a lot better in the former area but the skills part is something I really need to work on. And it's amazing too because so many people complain that girls only care about looks, money, status. Sorry to break it to you but it's not true. Looks can get you in the door maybe but so can being an awesome person. I used to attract no women. 0! However, as my confidence has grown and I've gotten my **** more together in my life, I'm starting to attract more and more women. My looks didn't change! Because the number 1 most important thing in a man is confidence. So now that I have some confidence about my life, women can sense that hence why more are attracted to me. Now women are attracted to status. I confess that. And money is an indicator of status. But if all you have is money and inside is not good (i.e. you have no confidence, bad character) then you're not gonna get too far with women. But even if you don't have status or money. If she thinks you are capable of it, or if you are on your way (aka you have a life purpose, a career that is compelling to you) then that's enough. The thing you don't want to be doing is sitting around doing nothing. You gotta work on yourself first. Then you can attract a high quality woman. That's why I live a life of personal development. I listen to Tony Robbins, Tai Lopez, Brendon Burchard.... I read books. I'm always trying to improve myself. I know I'm not there yet. I have a long way to go, but I'm actually doing something with my life that I can be proud of. Everyone has a choice. You can choose to do something or not to do something. To be or not to be? That is really the question. The thing that upsets me is that most people don't realize the potential they have. I never thought I could get to where I am today after being suicidal, depressed, and going to the hospital. But yet I'm here.

You must realize that you have so much potential. You can't even comprehend what your life could be like if you developed yourself into the best version of yourself. This world needs more people who are willing to work on themselves. It's not easy though. If it were easy, everybody would do it. With happiness, there's a price to pay. But the rewards are astronomical to those who are willing to put in the work.

Finally, let me direct you to some resources that will help you with attracting women. You might be surprised to learn that a lot of what you thought about when it comes to attracting women is not true. I certainly was surprised and I didn't want to believe what they were telling me because I had my own way of looking at things, though it hadn't produced any results, it's tough to let go of old models of the world because they are familiar to us and comfortable. But if you trust these people (because they are all very successful with women) and follow what they say, you will get good results. So go on YouTube and look up these people. Corey Wayne, David Deangelo, RSDTyler. I really like RSDTyler because he has been through a lot in is life like we have. He suffered from severe depression. He grew up in a ****ty family. He basically rose from the bottom and is now able to attract high quality women into his life. He's definitely someone I can relate to and someone I can look up to. Here's 1 video where he talks about it. 



 There's also a program you can also buy that I purchased and it has some really great information in it. It's called TAO of Badass by Joshua Pellicier. So these people teach the skills you need to know and be competent in (they also teach some life stuff). The other people I listen to teach the other 50%. The life stuff. They include Tony Robbins, Brendon Burchard, Tai Lopez, Elliot Hulse. I suggest you go on YouTube and start watching their videos as well. So hopefully this helps you. Just remember that the past does not equal the future. Just because you are where you are today doesn't mean you can't improve and get better. There are people and resources out there that can help you along your journey and you should listen to them because they are already successful in what you want to be successful in. Ok? Hope this helps you.


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