# Is My Wife Cheating Or Am I Paranoid?



## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

This is really, really long.....

Let me provide some context: My wife and I began our relationship in March 2006. She had also been seeing someone else, but told me she wanted to be with me. One Friday night in April 2006, we had a disagreement (not a fight). Perhaps in response, she ended up getting drunk and sleeping with the guy she had been seeing before me. The next day, she admitted what happened, and practically begged and cried for me to stay with her. Were it not for my SA and fear of isolation, I would have dumped her. But I decided to remain with her even though my trust for her had been completely broken. 

Fast forward a months, and she got pregnant and asked me to marry her, which I agreed to do knowing full well all the emotional baggage and unresolved problems we both carried. For the next two years, we would have really bad arguments. I always had the suspicion that she would confide in any males she knew (whether family, friends, her ex -not the guy she cheated with, acquaintences, etc.) when we fought. That's not to say we haven't tried to work on our marriage. We have. It's just been a work-in-progess.

But now I'm facing a crisis.

My lack of trust and general suspicion caused me to buy a keylogger in October this year to monitor my wife's internet usage. This was because her behavior had changed: my wife was suddenly trying to lose more weight (even though she looked great already), and buying new, trendy clothes. 

On November 2, the keylogger confirmed my suspicions. She actually sounded the alarm because I hadn't been checking the keylogger records. While I was watching tv in the bedroom, she ran in, saw her cellphone and grabbed it, and then yelled at me under the false belief that I was looking through her phone. Well, I didn't. But this fear that was so evident led me to check the keylogger. I just had to uncover why she would react with such fear. I convinced myself that the only reason why she would act that way is if something was being hidden from me.

Long story short: she had a tagged.com account, was sending messages back and forth to guys, and had been talking and texting some guy 10 year older. When I asked if she had been doing this, she adamantly denied it and said I was crazy and delusional. So she forced me to show her the evidence. My wife had no answer and promised she would stop. But she continued to talk to him for 5 straight days. When I told her she had a choice, that is, the guy or our marriage, she decided to stop. And we agreed to work on our marriage again.

For the rest of November, our marriage did really seem to get better. Or so I thought.

Last friday, we had made plans for a date night. After I picked her up after work and was driving home, she told me she was tired and stressed out, and just wanted to stay in. I told her it was fine. But then an hour later, she said she wanted to go out with her best friend who also happens to be a mom. This time, however, she told me she would have my mother-in-law babysit so they could go bowling. I knew that my wife and her friends *always* brought the kids with them, so this naturaully alerted me. My wife told me she would be back in 2 hours, but she never returned. In fact, she never answered my phone all night.

She called me back Saturday morning claiming she had left her cell in her car and slept over at her mom's (which she sometimes does, yes). It was hard for me to believe her, and I was acting very paranoid, especially in light of what had happened just a month ago.

She came back Saturday morning, but I noticed she was leaving the house pretty frequently in the afternoon - I'd say she step out for 5 minutes and come back in every hour or so. This happened at least four times, and just seemed strange. I noticed she brought her cell with her everytime. As night approached, she quietly went to the bathroom and closed the door as I was watching a football game. After a minute or two, I got up and walked to the bathroom to see if she was talking to anyone. All I could hear was whispering. It was obvious she didn't want me to hear her.

An hour or two later, she wanted me to watch our son so she could go out with another one of her friends. Eventually she decided against it, but her behavior just seemed unusual. So, I did my detective work again. I found out she had been calling and texting this unrecognizable number at times that were consistent with her unusual behavior.

And I just couldn't help it. When I dialed the number, it took me to some young guy named Mark. Once again, I became extremely paranoid, and confronted my wife. Her answer was that it was just some guy she was trying to hook her friend up with, and that I was acting crazy. Maybe, but the last time she told me this, my craziness was grounded in fact.

It's now Monday morning, and I haven't slept all night. I refused to sleep in the same bed with her and was on the couch. I'm on the computer and not sure what to do.

Is my wife cheating? Am I paranoid? 

Help!!!!!!


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## darla (Oct 21, 2008)

Listen to your gut feeling on this. It never lies to you. Trust is a big issue when being married. Do you feel like you can go the rest of your life playing private detective with her?


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## MeganC (Nov 23, 2008)

I don't think you're being paranoid and I would be suspicious, too. She obviously has a history of this kind of behavior and I think it very unlikely that she's stopped, especially considering that you haven't been married that long and she's had several affairs in that 2 year period. Unfortunately, none of us will be able to confirm anything for you since you know your wife better than we do.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

Wow, I want to punch your wife in the face...

No offense. 

I feel extremely bad for you, but you are showing dependence on her and especially cause you forgave her, she is under the assumption that no matter what terrible thing she does, she will always be forgiven. I can only tell you what I would do in your situation. 

I understand that you have a child- the thing that is still keeping you and your wife together. It is sometimes the things that we find most difficult to do that are the best for us. It's easier said than done, but I would honestly approach her and tell her (not ask) that I want a divorce. 

One of two things is highly likely to occur. She will either conceed, thus confirming your beliefs that she is cheating or on the verge of cheating (which I might add, is a no-brainer) or she is likely to start crying and begging for forgiveness. 

The question is, are you as strong of a man as to deny it? 

I know that social anxiety is a huge detriment to coping in these types of situations, but realistically, how would you react if your son was in the same type of situation? 

Keep in mind, I don't want you to simply walk up to your wife tonight and say "I want a divorce." My purpose is for you to think about everything. Think about the future of your son. If you go through with it, I promise you will become a strong person. I would also consult a lawyer to see how the child custody and belongings would be layed out.

Do I believe she is cheating? I believe she was cheating on you long ago, and you missed the smaller signs of it. I also believe that you are an incredible person for what you have put up with so far. Someone like her does not deserve you.

Good luck. I'm seriously praying for you.


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

I busted my father about 11 yrs. ago doing this type of stuff behind my mother's back. I confronted them, and it was a huge deal. My father said he thought about killing himself, and all that bs. He said he would stop, bla bla bla. 11 years later, he is still at it.  I gave up, but I carry guilt for it. My mother is crazy about him still, and they've been married close to 30 yrs.

I lost my h.s. sweetheart because I cheated on her. I was honest about it though. It was the dumbest thing I ever did, and I can honestly say I wouldn't ever cheat again. Some people say once a cheat, always a cheat. That's bullsh*t. That's like saying once a Christian, always a Christian. Simply not true. I regret it more than anything I've ever done.

I know I'm not married and my advice might not be as good as others', but we dated for 3 years. All I can say is you need to do what your heart tells you. You don't have to live your life in misery. Breakups are painful, but you will get over it eventually.

You could be an a**hole and put a gps tracker in her trunk and see where she goes. But that's just wrong. :b You should be able to trust someone you love, especially when you are married. If you can't trust them, what are they there for?

Just listen to your heart and do what you think is right.


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## pariahgirl (Mar 26, 2008)

I would dump her she's not the only girl out there for you. People don't really change their behavior, if they cheat once well they'll probably do it again and again. And staying there and taking it just gives her free rein to do whatever she wants. You are too good for her in the end.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

What I would not do is to continue to torture yourself by looking for signs that she is cheating. Either find a way to trust her (I know that may be impossible), accept her behavior and stop fretting over it (next to impossible), or move on (probably seems impossible). You're in a very tough spot. I wish you luck whatever you choose to do.


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## 99x (Oct 4, 2007)

I think you've given your wife enough chances and she still doesn't put her family first. I don't think there's anything wrong with using a keylogger to monitor her since she did forfeit your trust before and was acting suspicious. I know it's a bad situation and I'm not the one in your shoes, but if it were me I would most likely divorce her. It's much harder to choose since you guys do have a child. In the long run it will be better for you and him. You will always be paranoid and miserable. You don't want your son growing up in that environment. It's better to do it when he may not understand whats going on. As an adult who grew up in a very tense household that just ended up falling apart anyway I wish my parents just divorced when they knew it wasn't going to change. Everyone has their problems, but it seems like a vicious cycle that is going no where.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

I'm sorry you had to go through such lengths.


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## copper (Nov 10, 2003)

I am sorry to say I wouldn't of married her in the first place, and I would now kick her to the curb.


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## Daniel78 (Dec 7, 2008)

she sounds somewhat sociopathic for doing such things. It is a difficult situation but something tells me she is using you. If you didn't take her back I'd bet she'd " be up ****s creek without a paddle." I have no idea though. I'm kind of bitter about all that cause I was married once and it brings back some ****ty memories. I would concentrate on what she is telling you with her actions. 
Be well friend.


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## nothing to fear (Mar 23, 2005)

yeah, you definitely have right to be suspicious. i think you should have a REALLY serious talk and discuss whether you should end it since she doesn't seem to want to stop going behind your back. i don't think it's worth it to stay in the marriage. i think it's also best for you kid to straighten this up quickly instead of dragging it out any longer and turning your household into a very negative environment.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

My belief is that (especially because of) Social Anxiety would cause your fears of being alone to bubble out if you did talk to her. You're past the point of trying to work things out- You know what is going on and you're in denial, with a lenience towards awareness of the situation. Again, I'd tell her it's over. You think you need her, but this is a test of your manhood- Show her who is boss.


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## mountain5 (May 22, 2008)

Well, I don't have much to add, it looks like you're pretty much at the moment of truth. In my limited experience, if you start to feel that overwhelming crazy feeling about a relationship for no reason, it's a pretty good sign you're being lied to and manipulated. Obviously you have to take past history into account, but it's almost 100% negative in this situation.


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## 99x (Oct 4, 2007)

Cerberus said:


> I really hate to bring this up, but do you know if the child is yours?


I was wondering this.


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## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

Good and interesting comments from everyone..I'm about to go to bed, but I'll provide an update tommorow. 

I'd like to thank you all for your honest words, even if that honesty is difficult to accept.


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## fauxhawk (Oct 26, 2008)

Yes, trust your instinct. When I was being cheated on I just knew. Even had nightmares about it. The subconscious; it knows things.


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

This woman is no good for you, you deserve someone who respects you and treats you great. She is taking the piss big time it must be making you so upset and feeling like crap. 

By the sounds of it you are not even happy with her, if you can afford to I think you should end it and try meet someone else.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

> For the next two years, we would have really bad arguments.


regardless of whether shes cheating or not, why be in a relationship that has bad arguments for such a long time

nublys number one rule on relationships: never get married.

just a useless piece of paper that makes it difficult and expensive to split up from your partner when things go sour


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## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

I may have made things worse. When I woke up yesterday, I threw my wedding ring away in a fit of rage and told her. To say that she was incensed after I did this is an understatement. She keeps insisting she's trying to hook up her friend who is a single mom with this Mark guy and that she's done now (unfortunately, I can't verify if this is true) helping them. Maybe she's right, maybe she's not.

I also told her I was getting a new myspace account to meet new people just to gauge her reaction. After all, she deleted my account out of jealousy after we started dating, but kept hers. I'm fairly attractive and never had problems getting women despite my SA, and she knows it. I've had my opportunities to cheat, but have nonetheless remained faithful and loyal to her.

However, I'm ready to pull the plug. And I think she can tell. So now she's acting different. Wants to go to my parents for Christmas, and talks about activities she wants to do with me this weekend as if there's nothing that needs to be addressed in our relationship. She's also been walking around butt-naked the last two days to turn me on (and I did fall for it last night, after promising myself to not have sex with her again). But it seems like that's all she has to offer right now.

I have to think about this some more. This marriage experience is turning me off from any future long-term commitments. The next woman whom I'll never marry can blame it on my possibly soon-to-be ex wife.

Nubly, I think I have to agree on your rule concerning relationships! 

Damn.


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

SerenelyPanicked said:


> I may have made things worse. When I woke up yesterday, I threw my wedding ring away in a fit of rage and told her. To say that she was incensed after I did this is an understatement. She keeps insisting she's trying to hook up her friend who is a single mom with this Mark guy and that she's done now (unfortunately, I can't verify if this is true) helping them. Maybe she's right, maybe she's not.
> 
> I also told her I was getting a new myspace account to meet new people just to gauge her reaction. After all, she deleted my account out of jealousy after we started dating, but kept hers. I'm fairly attractive and never had problems getting women despite my SA, and she knows it. I've had my opportunities to cheat, but have nonetheless remained faithful and loyal to her.
> 
> ...


I just thought of a better idea. Instead of jumping the gun for a divorce right away, I highly suggest you tell her that you want some time apart. Do you have any family or friends that are not too far out of town from where you live? Someone who has your back no matter what, and would not tell your wife where you are? Just tell her you are taking a break from things for a few days and no matter what, don't let her know where you are. Also, avoid contact at all costs for those few days. Hell, when you do come back, do not make a single mention of where you have been. I would even go as far as saying to her "do whatever the hell you want in the next few days." This causes her to believe that since you gave her permission to do whatever she wants, she is inclined to believe that you are as well. You know what that means? I highly doubt she'll be cheating on you in those next few days.

I can only imagine how this would be eating her from the inside.

Keep us posted.

-Dave


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

After reading this I would also have my suspicions about her. In all honesty, I think you jumped into marriage very prematurely, and you two have been paying the price ever since. If you really want to find out if she is cheating then hire a private investigator or have a friend that she doesn't know follow her around. I also have to ask, do you know for sure that it's your kid?


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## Still Waters (Sep 18, 2008)

Be very careful-telling lies is very stressful and people don't do it just for the heck of it! She will probably try to turn it all around by saying your not trusting her makes her behave this was. When they are glued to the cell phone,turn it off when you're around and constantly erase history-somethings going on. Be careful she does'nt get pregnant again as a way of holding on to you.


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## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

I just had a little wine...but I'll follow-up. Wife's watching tv, but is periodically monitoring me while I'm on the computer. Perhaps she has trust issues as well. Anyhows...

In response to those who question whether the child is really mine: Yes, he is. I have certain features unique to me that he has, and let's just say that the aforementioned are all I need to know to confirm that's he my son. Were it not for said features, then, yes, I would question whether the child is really mine! 

We did indeed jump into this marriage prematurely. My father actually advised against it. In November 2006, she kicked me out of the apartment with no notice because she felt I wasn't being supportive enough during her pregnacy. I scrambled into my old apartment thanks to my gracious landlord (who probably overcharged me, lol), and then next thing you know, she proposed to me 2 weeks later.

Anyhow, on my end, I'm just trying to reconnect with friends/acquaintenances and rededicate myself to the gym and exercising. These activities elevate my mood and relieve anxiety/stress. My wife's being a lot more open with me now because I think she really believes I'm emotionally withdrawn from her, which is true.

But I just don't understand it. If she really doesn't want to be with me, then why not goddamnit just tell me as I asked her to? Why play these juvenile games with me? Does she derive some sort of malicious satisfaction -_schadenfreude_- by manipulating my emotions and hurting me?

Arrrgghhhh...women! ::takes another sip of Merlot::


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## leomouse (Dec 1, 2008)

*.*

i think you have every right to be suspicious, she can't be trusted. i think your wife has problems with her self esteem and is looking for validation from you and other men. there is a chance she will stop cheating in the future and she may actually realizes how lucky she is to have you, but are you willing to wait for something that may never happen?
try to help her find some new hobbies, show her attention, i dunno maybe take her to the gym with you sometimes or do fun activities together...


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

Have you tried marriage counseling? Maybe she has some issuses that she can't tell you.


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

I also got married for the wrong reasons, but went through with it anyway, thinking it was the right thing to do. It lasted for almost 5 years, but we were never happily married. We get along better now than we did when we were married, which is a good thing for our daughter. If you feel in your heart the marriage is not worth working on, the younger your child, the easier he will adjust. Don't put things off too long. My oldest is not adjusting well at all, even 2 years later. It is impossible to fully understand your relationship with her from a post, and too serious and important to tell you what to do. I mean it seems obvious from what you have said, but at the same time, there is so much more to consider that needs answering. It's definitely something you need to talk about together and with a counsellor. I do hope you will find some clarity for where to go from here. That is a terrible situation to have to be in.


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## Futures (Aug 27, 2005)

Divorce her. You deserve better and based on what you wrote about not having a problem dating, I think you'll do just fine finding another girl that appreciates you more.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

Hate to say it man but its pretty obvious isnt it. Also why is she always going out without you, do you choose not to go because of your SA or are you not invited.

Ive been cheated on before, and you can just tell. You sound like I did trying to justify reasons for her behavior that dont amount to cheating but when you know you know.


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## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

We tried counseling, but she stopped going.

Yes, my gut instinct tells me something is up. If I wanted to cheat on her out of revenge, I could do it. My former coworker still contacts me, and has expressed how she genuinely feels about me. But I would never do it. I will never compromise my morals, no matter how hurt or upset I am.

I have made the decision to divorce my wife in either May or June of 2009, which she isn't aware of. Knowing my wife, we can't work things out amicably. She loves to battle. That's just who she is. She is extremely spiteful. So I have to approach the inevitable divorce strategically so I don't get $%# by the bias court system that inherently favors women - especially NY court. If she could destroy me in court, she would. 

I need adequate time to prepare in order to get a favorable ruling regarding custody, child support, and alimony. I know exactly what I must do now. 

My mind is made up. In the meantime, I will act as if everything is normal and continue to be civil. It's unfortunate it has come to this, but I just can't live in self-denial anymore.

Thank you all for your support.


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## flapjacker (Nov 30, 2008)

Be strong. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

SerenelyPanicked said:


> We tried counseling, but she stopped going.
> 
> Yes, my gut instinct tells me something is up. If I wanted to cheat on her out of revenge, I could do it. My former coworker still contacts me, and has expressed how she genuinely feels about me. But I would never do it. I will never compromise my morals, no matter how hurt or upset I am.
> 
> ...


Just a thought but pictures of her cheating on you would probably destroy her in court. Perhaps hire a private investigator?


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## Want2Bconfident (Sep 14, 2008)

michellejl said:


> I also got married for the wrong reasons, but went through with it anyway, thinking it was the right thing to do. It lasted for almost 5 years, but we were never happily married. We get along better now than we did when we were married, which is a good thing for our daughter. If you feel in your heart the marriage is not worth working on, the younger your child, the easier he will adjust. Don't put things off too long. My oldest is not adjusting well at all, even 2 years later. It is impossible to fully understand your relationship with her from a post, and too serious and important to tell you what to do. I mean it seems obvious from what you have said, but at the same time, there is so much more to consider that needs answering. It's definitely something you need to talk about together and with a counsellor. I do hope you will find some clarity for where to go from here. That is a terrible situation to have to be in.


You write some brilliant posts!


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## DaveM (May 29, 2008)

SerenelyPanicked said:


> We tried counseling, but she stopped going.
> 
> Yes, my gut instinct tells me something is up. If I wanted to cheat on her out of revenge, I could do it. My former coworker still contacts me, and has expressed how she genuinely feels about me. But I would never do it. I will never compromise my morals, no matter how hurt or upset I am.
> 
> ...


Congrats on taking a step closer to independence. I have a high amount of respect for what you're going to do.

Be sure to clear the keylogger logs.

Again, you have all of our blessings and we hope that everything works out fairly on your part.


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## 99x (Oct 4, 2007)

I think you're making the right moves here


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## michellejl (Aug 20, 2006)

DOCUMENT!!

Very important for when you go to court. No emotion or assumptions of any kind, just the facts. Anything she does that puts her in a bad light with time and date, and witness whenever possible. Especially affecting your child. or proof that she is cheating. Document everything starting today. You can even set her up to act in a typical way, do what you have to do. Make sure you are the best person you can be, even when she makes you angry. She won't have a very strong argument. And you will have the facts and she wont.
Also you may be asked to report what makes you the better parent. What you do with the child that she doesn't. etc. not sure how it works when you are still living together though.
It would be a good idea to check out some separation/divorce groups online, if you haven't already. Probably a good source of info with people going through the same thing.

Good luck with everything.


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## SerenelyPanicked (May 29, 2007)

Thank you michelle. I really appreciate the info.

As an update, my wife came clean about what happened that night a few hours ago because I think she fears that I'm, ironically, about to cheat on her.

I told her yesterday that I was going to the movies by myself (I was actually going to meet up with my former female coworker) just to relax, but she kept going through my pockets and cell. She then stripped naked and demanded that I do you-know-what to her before going to the movies. She proclaimed her own lack of trust in me.

I didn't end up going, and even admitted that I was actually going to meet another woman. I think making this admission allowed her to make her own confession today. She told me that on 12/6 - the night in question which spawned this thread - she went out to a bar with another friend, a woman who I know openly cheats on her husband. Obviously this story contradicted her earlier claim of meeting up with her other friend. 

Moreover, her prior story was that she had gone bowling, which she changed to going to karoke, and then again to the present story. It was at this bar that she met this guy who my wife claimed she was trying to "hook up" with one of her friends. Apparently, this guy had no interest in her other friend, but my wife continued talking to him for a few days thereafter. 

That is all my wife said. 

When I asked her about why she never answered her phone or came back that night, she stuck to her alibi of going to her mom's and leaving her phone in the car. Only this time, she added that her friend picked her up from her mom's and dropped her off afterwards. I don't know if I can buy that or not, but she seemed pretty convincing when she said it. However, I'm not easily duped anymore and still remain skeptical. Perhaps this excuse is merely an invented ad hoc to cover up additional lies.

I know in my heart that I was ready to cheat on her out of revenge. 

I am not that kind of man, but she is making me do things I never thought I would do. She stated that she still wants to work on things and loves me, and said all that other hackneyed lovey-dovey bologne which I've heard countless times before.

Well, she still insists on being with me on Christmas, wears her ring again, and mentions what she wants to do on our anniversary (that's in a week).

Lord have mercy...


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

DaveM said:


> Wow, I want to punch your wife in the face...
> 
> No offense.


:lol

Seriously, this all sounds like a freakin' vicious cycle. I'd get out of it if you can, you deserve better man. I'd already be damaged, couldn't look at her the same - it would be ruined. Good luck man, here is for some holiday healing.


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## shyvr6 (Feb 18, 2008)

She's most likely lying, but weaving truthful parts into her story. My guess would be that she did hook up with that guy.


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## Rasputin_1 (Oct 27, 2008)

you gotta use the head and not the heart on this one man.... you know whats going on.


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## Black_Widow (May 23, 2008)

shyvr6 said:


> She's most likely lying, but weaving truthful parts into her story. My guess would be that she did hook up with that guy.


This is my opinion too though of course I can't say for sure.

I hope this won't make you paranoid, and I'm not saying that it's necessarily the same case with your wife. But some of the things you've described here remind me of a time that an ex friend of mine was cheating on her partner (who was also a friend of mine and who I still know).

She would often go on long nights out and tell him that she would be out with various friends at a local bar. This would usually be true. But she'd also neglect to mention that she'd often bumped into a guy she knew who regularly hung out there whom after a while she chose to have a casual sexual relationship with. She'd usually tell her partner she was staying the night at a friends house and would normally get that friend to back her story up. She would say these things directly to his face in such a way, that it was impossible to tell that she was being anything less than truthful. And in fact she even lied to me for a time about what her relationship was with this other person - insisting at the time nothing was going on between them when I began to have suspicions - and I believed her to begin with.

During the whole of this time she continued to sleep in the same bed as her partner and be affectionate with him - as if nothing was wrong. Eventually her partner did find out about the affair, but by that time it had ended. So when this ex friend told him that she wasn't seeing him anymore she was actually being truthful, and it was on this basis that he forgave her. But by this time she had already started another relationship with another guy behind his back, and continued to lie about her whereabouts whenever she saw him. Her partner had already begun to have an inkling not all was as it seemed with her, but in all liklihood never would have known for sure if it hadn't been for him discovering a train ticket she'd left lying around that contradicted something she'd said about being at a work conference over a weekend.

As mentioned before, I'm not saying that your wife is necessarily guilty of the same things. But at the same time think you've been doing the right thing by monitoring things as you have and know if I were in your situation I would continue to do so.


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## shylady (Oct 20, 2008)

*Drama Queen*

I believe your wife suffers from a case of Drama Queen...these type of women live to create drama where ever they go they need a thrill they need excitement and cheating gives them a high ...


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