# Gals, what do you do when you just really want a man...



## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

Not exactly in the sexual way (although if you want, you may interpret it that way :lol), but want one to cuddle with or just be with you know? Maybe I'm just feeling extra lonely lately or maybe my hormones are just raging but damn... I want someone. Normally I'm okay with being single and not having a bf (I've never had one) but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?

My friends are right though, at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be single and lonely forever.


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## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

Try internet dating maybe? I've had some really bizarre experiences there but it still beats being lonely all the time. 

I know I can relate to what you are going through. I'm tired of being alone.


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## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

I've thought about internet dating but ... it just makes me uncomfortable. I'm afraid someone I know will find me on there.


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## Veggie1 (Jan 12, 2006)

Watch a slice and dice movie or true crime murder show (man killing woman/women). Takes my mind off my loneliness, at least until the urge passes. Seriously. :cig


However, if I were actively seeking someone, I'd go the online dating route with a site(s) specific to my interests.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Kit said:


> Not exactly in the sexual way (although if you want, you may interpret it that way :lol), but want one to cuddle with or just be with you know? Maybe I'm just feeling extra lonely lately or maybe my hormones are just raging but damn... I want someone. Normally I'm okay with being single and not having a bf (I've never had one) but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?
> 
> My friends are right though, at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be single and lonely forever.


Guys go through this as well. I usually try to make myself busy. Doing something helps. Even watching a funny or scary movie reduces the emptiness for me. Working out helps me a lot because it physically drains me to a point where my mind won't be thinking about loneliness as much as the pain and exhaustion from the workout.


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## Guest (Sep 11, 2006)

Kit said:


> I've thought about internet dating but ... it just makes me uncomfortable. I'm afraid someone I know will find me on there.


Women can still get plenty of responses without posting a pic. Sure, they'll want to see your pic eventually, but you won't have to post it for all to see.


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Kit said:


> but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?


I know how you feel. There is always my house. :cuddle


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## Lonelyguy (Nov 8, 2003)

> Guys go through this as well. I usually try to make myself busy. Doing something helps.


:ditto
I go through phases like this all the time. Keeping myself busy with work or hobbies helps tremendously because it forces me to concentrate on something else, but there are times when all I can think about is how badly I want to hold someone. It can be quite painful at times, but I suppose in a way its better I don't know what its really like because I think it would hurt far more if I knew what I'm actually missing out on.


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## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

I don't know what it's like either. I think I'm watching too many chick flicks or something. :lol

The thing with online is that it may get to the point where one of us may want to meet and I don't want to deal with that. I feel like I'm much more interesting online than in real life. I talked to a friend for over 4 years and when I found out he was going to visit, I freaked. I also contemplated not meeting him (he came to town to not only meet me but some other people).


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## Nyx (Nov 17, 2003)

Kit said:


> Not exactly in the sexual way (although if you want, you may interpret it that way :lol), but want one to cuddle with or just be with you know? Maybe I'm just feeling extra lonely lately or maybe my hormones are just raging but damn... I want someone. Normally I'm okay with being single and not having a bf (I've never had one) but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?
> 
> My friends are right though, at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be single and lonely forever.


Wow, I go through the exact same thing. I dunno what to do about it *shrug* I just try to think of other things. Online dating is scary because I'm afraid to meet anyone.


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## Prodigal Son (Dec 11, 2005)

I feel this way as well sometimes and I'm a man. Doesn't have to be anything really sexual just a good cuddle and some hugs.


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## Maseur Shado (Jun 7, 2005)

daaaaave said:


> omen can still get plenty of responses without posting a pic. Sure, they'll want to see your pic eventually, but you won't have to post it for all to see.


Nope, you still have to post a pic to get more responses. I did the internet dating thing once...spent hours coming up with the best profile I could. Posted it...and only received three responses in two months. If I would have posted a pic with me wearing practically nothing, I would have a ton of responses.

I don't know how to deal with wanting someone around when you can't other than by trying to distract myself. I can say that the longer you remain by yourself, the less the feeling comes over you, and the less intense it feels.


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## GaryUranga (Apr 22, 2006)

Nyx said:


> Kit said:
> 
> 
> > Not exactly in the sexual way (although if you want, you may interpret it that way :lol), but want one to cuddle with or just be with you know? Maybe I'm just feeling extra lonely lately or maybe my hormones are just raging but damn... I want someone. Normally I'm okay with being single and not having a bf (I've never had one) but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?
> ...


Thers always enough gary for everyone :lol


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## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

I don't know people, I'm really nervous that my friends will be right, I am going to be lonely and single forever. Look at my life now and how I hide from everyone, how will I ever find the right guy for me? Find someone who's willing to put up with my bs. I'm so insecure and I keep telling myself that I don't need a relationship right now and that I need to focus on myself. It will be better that way, I need to learn to be self confident, or at least have some self esteem. I need to learn to accept myself and not hate myself. Because if I can't do that, than how is anyone going to love me or like me.

I have a list of things I want to change about myself before looking for a relationship but what if I never achieve those things?

I'm 21, I've never had a first kiss, a date, nothing. I just feel so unwanted and unattractive.


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## itsmemaggi (Sep 26, 2005)

Honestly. Let's all just get together and have one big cuddle-fest. I'm serious.

xoxo
Maggi


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Sweet. I'm in.


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## archaic (Jan 16, 2006)

Maybe reading some S.C.U.M. will take your mind off it?

I kid. :b
When I want to cuddle, I grab one of my cats or dogs and force them into it. Not as nice, but a warm body's a warm body!


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

itsmemaggi said:


> Honestly. Let's all just get together and have one big cuddle-fest. I'm serious.
> 
> xoxo
> Maggi


They already have those, it's called a Cuddle Party or something but you have to pay for them and it's with strangers. :hide

And yeah the whole cuddling, having someone to be around etc.... is my main reason for wanting a gf.


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## scairy (Sep 18, 2005)

Kit said:


> I don't know people, I'm really nervous that my friends will be right, I am going to be lonely and single forever. Look at my life now and how I hide from everyone, how will I ever find the right guy for me? Find someone who's willing to put up with my bs. I'm so insecure and I keep telling myself that I don't need a relationship right now and that I need to focus on myself. It will be better that way, I need to learn to be self confident, or at least have some self esteem. I need to learn to accept myself and not hate myself. Because if I can't do that, than how is anyone going to love me or like me.
> 
> I have a list of things I want to change about myself before looking for a relationship but what if I never achieve those things?
> 
> I'm 21, I've never had a first kiss, a date, nothing. I just feel so unwanted and unattractive.


Realize that you will never be perfect; no one is and no one ever will be. You might as well get the dating experience so that you are making progress and feel more comfortable talking to new people. You may even want to go into the dates with a mindset of well this is just to get comfortable with it but I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I know I never feel good enough.

If I met someone that had the same flaws as myself I wouldn't find the flaws to be a turnoff. So why do I feel it is so impossible for there to be someone of the opposite sex that feels this way? We can always make excuses.

I wish I'd listen to my own advice. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

Kit said:


> Not exactly in the sexual way (although if you want, you may interpret it that way :lol), but want one to cuddle with or just be with you know? Maybe I'm just feeling extra lonely lately or maybe my hormones are just raging but damn... I want someone. Normally I'm okay with being single and not having a bf (I've never had one) but there are days like today where I just wish I had one to cuddle with and watch a movie with, you know?
> 
> My friends are right though, at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be single and lonely forever.


Kit, I often get periods like this myself. Single life is okay but if you're lonely it's the pits. I'm not sure what to tell you... I often crave for good company myself. Maybe it can serve as a motivation to get out and meet people? God knows I've been trying, unfortunately my low self-esteem holds me back and the guys who do approach me are creepy old bastards interested in only one thing. Argh. Seems in your case you have friends--why not try going places with them to meet a potential boyfriend like a pub or something?


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## Squizzy (Dec 21, 2004)

I agree sometimes it would be nice for someone to cuddle with or just fall asleep next to, or even just to hug.


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## Kit (Aug 12, 2006)

> Realize that you will never be perfect; no one is and no one ever will be.


I'm very aware of that and I tell myself that all the time but it doesn't work. A part of me still strives for perfection (or what I believe to be perfect) even though I know it's never attainable.



> I don't understand, why don't people on this site hook up. If all you are looking for is a person of the opposite sex (or same sex) to cuddle with or do an activity with... then just take the initiative to contact someone in your town.


Yeah and what do many people on this site have? Social anxiety. What do people with social anxiety fear? social interactions. Granted, many do fine over the internet, but taking it further into real life can be a problem. Then you have people like me who get really paranoid about meeting someone online. Even if we were to meet in a public place it doesn't matter. I also would like to get to know someone better before meeting, but that also freaks me out because how I portray myself online is very different than in real life.


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

ST said:


> Kit said:
> 
> 
> > I'm 21, I've never had a first kiss, a date, nothing. I just feel so unwanted and unattractive.
> ...


 :ditto


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

archaic said:


> When I want to cuddle, I grab one of my cats or dogs and force them into it. Not as nice, but a warm body's a warm body!


I'm not allowed to have pets. :cry I do have a betta fish. Maybe I could put him in a little bowl for the night and cuddle with the bowl, only to wake up sleeping on a soaked mattress and a dead fish underneath me.



> There are how many members on this site again? There has got to be one close by you within your age group. So what if you have to travel abit? Would you rather stay lonely all the time.


My Achilles Heel, that's a good point, but at the same time it's not quite that simple. I'm sure many of us wish it was. We have SA, but we all don't necessarily fit so well together, amongst other things. Kind of brings me to what Kit said:



> I also would like to get to know someone better before meeting, but that also freaks me out because how I portray myself online is very different than in real life.


That could be holding some folks here back.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

BeNice said:


> archaic said:
> 
> 
> > When I want to cuddle, I grab one of my cats or dogs and force them into it. Not as nice, but a warm body's a warm body!
> ...


wow, that just gave me a very creepy/hilarious mental image.


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

> I don't understand, why don't people on this site hook up. If all you are looking for is a person of the opposite sex (or same sex) to cuddle with or do an activity with... then just take the initiative to contact someone in your town.
> 
> I see so many threads in the Connections section, with more than a few people responding for each place. You have to initiate contact! There are how many members on this site again? There has got to be one close by you within your age group. So what if you have to travel abit? Would you rather stay lonely all the time.


I haven't met anyone from New Zealand here :cry. I could overcome fear of travelling, fear of rejection, fear of doing something new (never dated before), etc. to meet someone if they were in a similar position to me too. Maybe I will put a post in the connections forum...


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## Panic Prone (Mar 5, 2006)

I'm male and i've been lonely ever since I could remember. By age 16 holding a girl ment more to me then anything. It was just that intimacy of having someone so close to you that you trust and can tell em anything. Since that relationship which ended in disaster I haven't had a fullfilling longterm one since and i'm 23 now. I keep getting teased by girls who think they know what they want and bail on me. Also I keep discovering that looks don't mean crap. Every girl I have dated was gorgeous but so unstable. So insecure. I won't ever consider myself whole untill I find the right one. It just feels like there's a hole in my chest. I have a very loving father and mother too. I wish I didn't feel like this and can be happy on my own. There's gotta be someone out there for me... I just try to stay busy and not think about it but reality is.. it's always in the back of my mind. It always depresses me if brought up.

I know if I didn't have SA I wouldn't feel so lonely. That probably contributes to it the most.


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## IndigoGirl (Aug 13, 2006)

I've never dated either, and I do get a strong desire for companionship from the opposite gender in such a way. I've been feeling lonely myself and find myself thinking alot about it. But like many of us here, I feel like it's just not possible due to my quietness and hermitude. I just don't ever feel really open to it physically. Only mentally, if that makes sense. 
How I would love someone to share movies with and laugh with, and just hug and feel loved by. I can definitely relate to the 'rate' thing. I'm not out there seeking people so it's not possible that i'll meet someone if this continues. I do believe that we all have a chance, through our pessimism.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

I'm having one of those so-called "moments" right now and want to kill myself. I honestly don't know how people can live with the loneliness like this..


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## mayblue (Oct 1, 2005)

dez said:


> I'm having one of those so-called "moments" right now and want to kill myself. I honestly don't know how people can live with the loneliness like this..


Yeah, me too. It's actually better if I just stay home and be a hermit and don't see any of what I'm missing. This morning I went out to get some breakfast and groceries and I saw so many attractive guys, and just interesting looking people in general, but had no way to make a connection with any of them.


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## biggoofybastard (Jul 26, 2004)

Worst feeling in the world.


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

BeNice said:


> I'm not allowed to have pets. :cry I do have a betta fish. Maybe I could put him in a little bowl for the night and cuddle with the bowl, only to wake up sleeping on a soaked mattress and a dead fish underneath me.


Hug your pillow, I do that when I'm down or lonely and it helps.


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## cakesniffer (Nov 11, 2003)

Can't I just get someone to hold me? Do I have to keep hugging random plush toys and my pillow? :um


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## David1976 (Nov 8, 2003)

there is something to be said about a nice hug  my dog just grrrrrrrs when I hug her.. hehe..


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## Meta Ridley (Jun 2, 2005)

Sheri said:


> Can't I just get someone to hold me? Do I have to keep hugging random plush toys and my pillow? :um


You can hug me.


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## cat burglar (Sep 2, 2006)

..


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

:stu - actually, a female friend said that I could stay the night if I needed to (back in college), but I considered myself too chivalrous for that. I'd rather drive home late. That's what I did.
I don't regret it either. I don't feel right doing that sort of thing (even staying at the house would make ne nervous - I'd rather get a hotel room by myself).


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## BeNice (Jan 2, 2004)

Cuddling can happen without any sex. I kind of wanted to initiate it with my friend's g/f, but I feel like she would want sex. She sleeps with another guy, literally. Of course, I have no proof it's just that. I'll stick with sleeping by myself.


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## ShesKrayZ (May 9, 2006)

My kitten is snuggling with me now. She somehow got stuck in my car engine while I was at work one day. I figure if you find a kitten in the engine of your car, it's meant to be yours to keep.

I have a crush on a guy I never see. I mean he can't be with me now and that is not his choice but I don't know if that means he wants to be with me but can't right now or he doesn't give a rip about me and I'm waiting for my heart to get broken. They say the measure of a good relationship is how well the needs of both people are being met. He doesn't even call me but I hang onto the hope that he will come around and he is really crazy about me and things will work out. It could happen.


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## instil (Aug 19, 2005)

Nyx said:


> Wow, I go through the exact same thing. I dunno what to do about it *shrug* I just try to think of other things. Online dating is scary because I'm afraid to meet anyone.


after seeing your pictures in that photo album thread, let me just say that I will spoon and cuddle with you anytime :squeeze


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## Drella (Dec 4, 2004)

I hug my man pillow.

I mean.. I, uh, heard that such a thing exists. Not that I _own_ one........ yet! :b


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Kit said:


> I have a list of things I want to change about myself before looking for a relationship but what if I never achieve those things?


Same here. There are several things I GOT to change about myself before even attempting to get into a relationship. Such as: I need more confidence, more of a sense of humor, laugh more, smile more, more assertiveness/not come across as wimpy, not come across as so naive, and lastly, not be so boring -- I need a bit of an edge to my personality. These are the major things I need to fix about myself because I am really lacking in those areas. They are things that I am working on.



Kit said:


> I'm 21, I've never had a first kiss, a date, nothing. I just feel so unwanted and unattractive.


Kit, as far as you being 21 and never have done any of that, well, that's nothing. Try being 41 (as I am) and having severe SA your entire life to the point, such as I, to where I've never had a first kiss, never been on a date and still a virgin. However, I HAVE been progressing since finding out 3 years ago that SA had been the problem this entire time. It's just a tragedy I wasn't able to find out about my SA at your young age (21). If I had then I think I would've been over this blasted SA years ago. At least to the point where I would've had my first kiss, date, and no longer a virgin. In short, if I had found out early then I think I would've had a life by now.

Just consider yourself lucky you found out about your SA at such an early age and that you have time to work on yourself to overcome it. It could be worse. You could've been near 40 like me before finding out...

Lifetimer


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## Mork (Apr 11, 2005)

Ladies, now here's a problem I know how to fix, just send me a PM.


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## Lifetimer (May 16, 2004)

Kit said:


> I have a list of things I want to change about myself before looking for a relationship


I have a feeling what you said is true with the majority of us here in the forum that is not in a relationship.

In fact - in a previous post on this thread - I listed several things about myself that I feel I need to change before even thinking about getting into a relationship. I think the reason that many of us here feel we need to change some things about ourselves is because of the reality that we really ARE lacking in many social/personality areas of our lives. The reason for this is obviously our social anxiety. Our SA has kept us from developing socially, as well as it has kept us from developing fully the potential of our personality. Most other people who do not have SA have reasonably been able to develop themselves but people with SA have not.

Using myself as an example of how SA has kept me from growing socially and in general mentally as a person, these are the things I am lacking because of my lifetime of SA: low confidence, low self-esteem, difficulty in showing sense of humor in public as well as easily laughing out loud in public, feelings of self-consciousness about smiling, lack of assertiveness, naiveness about life because of lack of experiences, ... add it all up and I'm certain I come across as very boring to people. Throw in that I don't curse, drink or smoke and that even adds another level of how (I'm sure) people think I'm boring.

SA is what I blame for being 41 and not really developed much as a person. My guess is that a high percentage of people here have also not developed near as much as a person as they could have if not for SA. Kit, that's why I think you and me are not the only people here that need to change some things about ourselves before we choose to get into a relationship with another person. My guess is that this sentiment is widespread among the members here at the forum.

Lifetimer


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## Message (Sep 20, 2006)

itsmemaggi said:


> Honestly. Let's all just get together and have one big cuddle-fest. I'm serious.
> 
> xoxo
> Maggi


Haha, that reminds me of the last night I saw all my friends before every went off to college. All of us, guys and girls, had a huge hug/cuddle fest for like an hour.


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