# i dont know what to talk about anymore



## akt

I'm finding as I get older I'm having a harder time talking to people... it's hard to describe it because I don't exactly feel scared or have anxiety over it, I just have nothing to say. I do nothing most of the day, so can't really talk about my day, don't work, no friends... it's weird because when I was in my teens and early 20s even though I was nervous talking to people eventually I would relax and have things to say as I talked to them more, but now it's just not happening since I don't have things in common with people as I get older. 

Remember the tip if you were nervous talking on the phone with someone for the first time to write a list of things to talk about or ask someone.. I can't even do that, I just can't think of anything to ask or talk about.

I was diagnosed with ADD, and I'm wondering if that's what is causing problems now, if I'm just having a hard time focusing on people and conversations or is this just getting older with anxiety?


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## JW3121

I can relate to everything you just said. I don't know what to say to people most of the time, but then add in the fact that I have no life and not much to talk about, and I'm sort of at a loss. I know that I'm an interesting and funny person, but for whatever reason, I cannot think of things to say in a conversation. I'm not scared like I used to be; I just having nothing to say. I could see myself writing things down to prepare for a conversation, but that won't be necessary as I have no conversations on the horizon.

I know very little about ADD, so I can't comment on your question.


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## mismatch

i'm awful at small talk now. I feel like there's a use it or lose it element to sa, but I think more than that you're just out of the loop a little bit. it seems like you don't have anything to talk about, but nobody else really does either. they just babble on about whatever comes up. 

I don't really know how to give you any advice other than to get out of your head about it.


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## anmickie

I never really know what to say either. I find myself Silent a lot unless the other person says something I can respond to. I think this is probably due to my not really doing much but sitting around the house these days.


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## erasercrumbs

I suppose it's possible that ADD could be affecting your conversational skills. Now you mention it, maybe I have ADD too. As I've gotten older, I find it more and more difficult to concentrate. I'm too impatient to even sit through a TV show anymore.


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## belfort

ive been in the same boat for awhile now..i have good social skills but rarely have much to say as i dont do much..sure, i can talk about everyday stuff but thats boring..if you dont have a family and life to talk about then there will never be much to talk about..


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## tim78

I completely agree. I don't have a wife much less a girlfriend or kids like most people in their thirties. What's left to talk about? People ask me the prefuntory "how was your weekend?" and I have nothing to respond. I don't do anything except sit in my room.


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## shymomoffour

Same here! I will never start a conversation and when they do I answer with a short comment and then there is that awkward silence. In person Im just so embarrassed and worried about repeating the same things over...then I replay the whole conversation and wish I would have said something differently. Even when I write on here sometimes I think Why did I write that I should have written something else or worded it differently. It is easier for me to spill everything out on here though...Im never gonna meet anyone face to face so I can start conversations or posts without worrying about what to say.


I do have alot to say about my kids but I still wont start talking unless someone does ask me first. Even though in my head when I do have someone there in person...in my head Im asking all these questions that I will never ask outloud.


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## howard26

I try to avoid small talk, because i prefer deeper conversation. But, it always seems to go there, and somehow they get the best of me (sigh). When i try to make it go my way and speak directly, it throws them, and then there is the awkward silence that was mentioned here. Then, they avoid me. I have trouble breaking this cycle.


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## tjames

Lately I have discovered that learning about the other person usually makes up for a lack of anything new in my life. What do they do for a living, what does it entail, what are the work hours/conditions. What are they interested in? Have I ever done or been interested in anything similar? I am learning how to ask questions and it is paying off big time.


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## gaz

The main cause of my social anxiety is from not being a good conversationalist, i avoid most social situations due to fearing not knowing what to say. I actually don't feel anxious a lot of the time either i just feel...empty.


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## tennislover84

At the original poster, I really know how you feel.

It's really difficult to make natural conversation with people if you just don't do anything. You're right, there is just very little to latch onto and say "oh hey, yesterday I did this, or last week I did that."

Also, for me, my OCD has handicapped me in so many areas that I can't even discuss recreational things I've been doing. Like hobbies, or what book I've read lately. I can't do any of those things because my OCD ruins everything.

Anxiety is able to narrow your life down to almost nothing. It's horrible.


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## patheticiq

akt said:


> it's hard to describe it because I don't exactly feel scared or have anxiety over it, I just have nothing to say


For instance I am with my relatives who I like as cousins,aunts vs ... for a family gathering ( I am saying family cause I have no friend ) ......But nothing comes to my mind to talk when we are together and even I know these people and their lives very well , there are a lot of stuff to talk about but can't...Not scared or anxiety cause these people I know from my birth to now and I like them but nothing comes to my mind...I just talk a little then again silence all night...This is surely related about I don't do anything to talk....

My nephew has ADD ....He can't concentrate anything ....I think ADD is not directly related to " nothing to say " thing but more about concentrating ,focusing on something....But can't know exaclty how it effects you


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## suril

I usually have nothing to say because I lead an unproductive life. I don't have a job I can complain about, I don't do anything during the weekend, etc. I also am not confident to discuss engrossing topics because I don't closely follow world events nor do I read that much. I think I'm better at asking questions and bringing up past incidents. If I do think ahead of things to say, of course I don't end up saying them...my mind goes blank.


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## gaz

I have heaps of hobbies but i still can't think what to say to people, it does not help that i have no interest in football (soccer) which is the sport everyone follows in the UK. Most of the time my mind is simply blank, other times i fear that what i want to say is too boring o'r stupid. I also have a hard time knowing how to respond to what people say to me and form it into a convo and i end up with one word answers. Society is something i just don't understand, i feel an alien.


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## Grimsey

I do find it a bit distressing that people can't seem to handle ten seconds of silence..


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## BlueScreen

Ive heard it said that friends drift apart when they have nothing left to talk about.
I avoid talking to people because I don't tend to meet peoples expectations about someone my age should have achieved (House, Car, money, Wife, Children, Friends, sports ...) So I just avoid people. I find it more practical than having to explain yourself.


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## SouthernLoner

BlueScreen said:


> Ive heard it said that friends drift apart when they have nothing left to talk about.
> I avoid talking to people because I don't tend to meet peoples expectations about someone my age should have achieved (House, Car, money, Wife, Children, Friends, sports ...) So I just avoid people. I find it more practical than having to explain yourself.


My thoughts exactly. I don't have any of those things and I'm unemployed, so I really dread the question, "So, what do you do?" It just seems easier to avoid the questions in the first place.


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## wolfsblood

You seem like a completely awesome person I would sit there and talk to you for hours about nothing. Lets be best friends.


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## JillGreen

This is such an interesting thread. I have been feeling extremely lonely for the past week and also I have not worked much. This week I am going in for 3 days and that will be good for me. It feels so good to be occupied and feel useful at work. I will be at my job 1 year in Sept so I'm pretty happy about that. 

If anyone is thinking of filling their hours with work or volunteering, go for it. It helps tremendously.


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## BlueScreen

I don't know where y'all live in the world, and it might be different to you, so I apologize. But in New Zealand and a man is introduced to another man in a social setting, like a party, guess what the first thing he is asked?

Thats right, "What do you do for a job?", closely followed by "What do you drive?" and "Who do you think will win the Rugby?" I can so put money on those questions.

If you don't have a job, don't drive a [nice] car, and don't follow the All Blacks [NZ Rugby team] then end of conversation. Ive tested that one over and again, and if you exhaust that line of questioning, then, and I'm surprised by, most men don't have much to talk about.

Like I said, your reality might be different, but down here, thats the way it goes.


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## gaz

BlueScreen said:


> Ive heard it said that friends drift apart when they have nothing left to talk about.
> I avoid talking to people because I don't tend to meet peoples expectations about someone my age should have achieved (House, Car, money, Wife, Children, Friends, sports ...) So I just avoid people. I find it more practical than having to explain yourself.


 I can relate. I feel embarassed about still living with my parents, no girlfriend, no friends as such, when others talk about their mortgages, bills, girlfriends, social lives etc.


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## gaz

Anyone else wish that conversation was not necessary? Like you just could sit with someone in a restaurant and just enjoy the food and being with the other person? I have never understood why people must fill every silence with pointless words.


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## Hamster12

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've recently started taking Valium (only occasionally, I save them up like sweets for special occasions when I really need them), and for the first time in my life (and I'm 46 since Saturday) I'm actually interested in conversation. It's like, what do people actually talk about? I've become almost scientifically interested, as really there is not a lot to talk about when you come down to it in most people's lives. So what different people do with that material to make it either interesting or boring is fascinating. I live in a city so I overhear a lot of conversations and I find myself weirdly drawn to them like never before. I would usually do anything to shut them out but now I find them almost like something that you can play with, like a sport. And I want to learn how.

But it's not really a matter of what is said, it's more how it's said. It's not about the personality of the person either, it's purely about how engaged they are in the subject matter. And a really weird thing is the more relaxed I am, the more into the conversation I am, the less I say, and the more the other person actually divulges, and even though I'm saying much less I'm much more engaged with them. 

And I'm noticing cliches. They are so useful. Stuff like "Oh stop, I know, it's a nightmare!" comes in v. handy when people are complaining about the weather for example (even if you love the rain but sense that that isn't the direction you want this conversation to go). So many stock answers you can have up your sleeve. I'm going to start collecting them for opportune moments. 

In fact, that would be a good idea, if anyone has any good cliches or one-liners to answer other mundane observations?


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## DanAus

Hello all. I rarely have anything to say to anybody, even family members or 'close' friends I've known for a lifetime. I've heard the word 'emptiness' used in the forum- I often feel empty. I've always been the same, from my youngest recollections of social interaction I felt like I didn't fit in, was fundamentally different to others, just didn't connect. I have lived my life as a wallflower, never developing socially like my peers and, as the years progressed- got further and further behind social and by consequence causeand effect- every other aspect of life. Feeling backward and a failure inhibits me enormously because I can't interact with people on their level. Embarrassment compounds my lack of ineraction and conversational skills... A viscous circle.


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## Cynara

If you feel empty and tapped out, it could be a result of SA and depression. Those things tend to suck the life out of you, so feeling empty is understandable, actually. Try to combat the SA and depression, gradually get involved with things you love, and slowly the emptiness will start to fill. It helped me. I'm nowhere near "cured", and I fall back into old patterns all the time, but it helps.

I also hate small talk. It bores me no end. I can become engaged in a conversation if I'm interested in the subject, and if I feel comfortable enough with the person (or people) to participate. That's something I hate: my having to feel comfortable enough to participate. I wish that anxiety would just go away.


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## aloneanddizzy

I've structured my life (partly intentionally and partly because of circumstances beyond my control) so as to avoid the need for much small talk, which is easier for me because I am so bad at it. My daily activities (or lack thereof) are so different from those of anyone else in my age group, or really anyone at all I think, that I can seldom find any common ground on which to base a conversation. The only people outside of my immediate family that I have spoken to at any length at all in the last couple of decades are people I have been working with, and that's still mainly about work stuff, with just the occasional digression into the strangeness that is my life once they know me well enough to have a vague idea of what my life is like.


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## dcgal

I read online somewhere, it might have been eHow, that to make friends you can't appear friendless so when people ask me about my weekend I always lie and say I went to parties. It doesn't help me make new friends but at least when other people tell me about their awesome weekend I feel like less left out. It is funny because I have never done that before reading the article, but I cannot tell people every Monday at work when they ask what I have done that I did nothing at all. It also helps to have this answer ready when they discuss the various get togethers my coworkers have that I was not been invited to.


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## SavannahRose

I can totally relate. Many people my age at least have another half they are dating, or nieces/ nephews , a job, things to talk about. I am not very close to my only sibling anymore. she is engaged, but as yet I have no much family to speak of or speak to. no aunts, cousins as both my parents have no sisters or brothers (my uncle died young). my parents are both introverts and hv never really had "adopted" family to speak of. I am not working, I feel so isolated and then shy as soon as I am in contact with anyone else. I fear rejection, but at same time I fear my boring life automatically will drive anyone away. I have very little stories or things to talk about that don't arise from either a very long time ago and are irrelevant or more recent stories from a more solitary existence.


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## anarai - Deactivated

gaz said:


> I have heaps of hobbies but i still can't think what to say to people, it does not help that i have no interest in football (soccer) which is the sport everyone follows in the UK. Most of the time my mind is simply blank, other times i fear that what i want to say is too boring o'r stupid. I also have a hard time knowing how to respond to what people say to me and form it into a convo and i end up with one word answers. Society is something i just don't understand, i feel an alien.


 i feel what you're saying. it's weird cuz before i got depressed i was a really friendly person. and the awesome part is that i didn't need to think of being it. i n that time i had never put into thought my social skills. it was all natural. now i can only respond to questions and since i try to continue with the conversation i try to talk about that subject that person put in the first place. but it just gets boring talking bout the same thing. how do they do it to continue making conversation about stuff? how did i do it when i didn't think about it every second? i don't even go out anymore. i'm to scared of people. and to self conscious about myself.  i need help


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