# Are you desperate?



## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Would you be willing to give a shot to any decent looking person?


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## productofthestate (Jul 27, 2011)

I think a lot of guys feel that way and they shouldn't. My boyfriend is 24, never had a gf before me, never kissed one, nothing. I never understood why and now I really don't understand why now that I'm dating him because he's really great. You just need to find the right girl


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

I don't really feel that way, I'm just very curious, considering we're pretty much all persons with SA.


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I'm desperate, but I still wouldn't take just anyone who came along; she would have to be compatible with me. What's the point of being in a relationship if I'm going to be miserable? If there's absolutely no one out there suitable for me, then so be it - I'm an expert at being single and I'll stay that way. But I really hope that's not the case.


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## jwyatt123 (Jul 24, 2011)

I wouldn't call myself desperate; I won't take just anyone. But I do want to meet people and see what they are about.

When it comes to women there are many of them but only a few would fit me and I need to find that.

PEEP MY BLOG


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Nope. Not desperate.

I couldn't care less if I got a boyfriend or not. To me - that's the most natural way to get one.


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## this portrait (Jul 18, 2009)

No. The last time I was desperate, I ended up wasting time going out with a bunch of guys I had nothing in common with, instead of getting up the courage to ask the guy I REALLY liked out.


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## Area88 (Oct 4, 2010)

TPower said:


> I don't really feel that way, I'm just very curious, considering we're pretty much all persons with SA.


 It's actually a really good question Tpower, it made me explore this part of the forum so congratulations.

But yeah, I would say the majority of people, not SA people, do get desperate and go with the first person they meet. At least the first time, then after that, they have experience to make more sophisticated decisions.


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## bobthebuilder (Jun 17, 2009)

Yes, if for nothing more than the experience. I can pretend all day that I know what type of girl Id like to be with, but without being with any girl, I cant really determine what it is im looking for.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Not desperate


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## Genetic Garbage (May 7, 2011)

No. I was desperate in the past but I learned it's never going to happen so I am not desperate anymore.


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## OldSchoolSkater (Jun 3, 2011)

What do you mean by desperate? 

Am I desperate for a relationship? Not so much. Although if a girl expressed interest in dating me I would probably give it a shot, because you never know who you'll end up "clicking" with.

Have I done physical things with women I wouldn't date: Yes. Was it because I longed for physical attention and wanted to feel like I was desired? Yes. Did I go out and beg for it? No.

So I'm not sure if that answers your question, but there it is.


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## watashi (Feb 6, 2008)

Yes and no. I wouldn't date the first person who shows interest in me if I find they don't meet my standards. I wouldn't date someone purely for the experience, seems like a waste of time. But I'm putting more effort into meeting people and finding someone who would interest me. In a way I'm kind of desperate for a relationship because even rejection doesn't scare me that much anymore.


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## Mr Mask (Jul 11, 2011)

Genetic Garbage said:


> No. I was desperate in the past but I learned it's never going to happen so I am not desperate anymore.


I am slowly coming to this way of thinking.

I am currently desperate, if nothing happens during your early twenties, you will be left in the dust, almost every person you meet will have more experience than you. This is damning in the absolute sense if you are male. Past age 25 the most realistic option would be escorts.


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## Atticus (Nov 10, 2003)

watashi said:


> Yes and no. I wouldn't date the first person who shows interest in me if I find they don't meet my standards. I wouldn't date someone purely for the experience, seems like a waste of time. But I'm putting more effort into meeting people and finding someone who would interest me. In a way I'm kind of desperate for a relationship because even rejection doesn't scare me that much anymore.


That seems fairly healthy and self directed. And being less concerned with rejection could be growth.

I don't think desperate is about wanting something badly. It's about making crappy decisions because you want something badly.


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## Kennnie (Oct 21, 2010)

Not desperate at all


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## StevenGlansberg (Apr 1, 2009)

I feel like I'm not desperate enough.


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## purplefruit (Jan 11, 2011)

StevenGlansberg said:


> I feel like I'm not desperate enough.


+1 I feel the same way a lot..


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## NoName99 (Jul 3, 2011)

I'm not desperate, but I have a very strong desire to find a girl that I really click with. If we don't click, what's the point? To get rid of loneliness? That wouldn't work.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

no, im worried sick that i wont get a girlfriend


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## keyla965 (Jan 13, 2011)

To be honest, i would. But not if he's cocky. I hate cocky guys.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

I guess you could say I'm desperate for some physical contact, but like others have said, I'm not desperate enough to go out with just anybody (not that anybody has offered). At 35, I've never even hugged a woman or even attempted to get a date, so sometimes I feel like I'm about to pop! 

When I think back on all the wasted years (not just wasted in terms of dating), I get a little panicky when I realize my age. The possibility of finding a quality, single woman in her late 20s is fading for me. I only have myself to blame for the procrastination and personal problems that have caused me not to buckle down and try to find someone to date.


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## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm desperate to be with the right girl, but not desperate to be with just any girl.


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## anomalous (Jun 12, 2004)

I think there are two kinds of desperation: active and passive.

I certainly don't have the active variety. I decided when I was about 13 that I'm not good enough to get a girl, and I've stuck to my guns on that ever since. So I put absolutely no effort into searching for or pursuing them.

But the passive kind of desperation isn't really a choice. It's simply a state of being; it's directly related to your position on the social totem pole. Basically, my standards are fairly low in some respects, and were I to start dating a girl that most guys would consider "average," I'd probably still put her on a pedestal in my mind. The reason for this is because I'd know that she knows she has more options than I do, so it's simply a mindset of realism.


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## IcedOver (Feb 26, 2007)

anomalous said:


> I think there are two kinds of desperation: active and passive.
> 
> I certainly don't have the active variety. I decided when I was about 13 that I'm not good enough to get a girl, and I've stuck to my guns on that ever since. So I put absolutely no effort into searching for or pursuing them.


Yes, that's me too. I think that I knew even before my teenage years that I was somehow flawed and inferior, certainly in the social realm. As I got older, these feelings were hardened, and the fact that I never want to drive is one main thing that has cemented my position as a guy who would be of very little value to a woman. I've accepted that, and realize I don't have what it takes to carry on a regular relationship. I never want to get married, so that aspect isn't a sore spot for me, but I would like to have someone at least for a little while.

If I had been "active" and tried and failed time and again to get a date, I'd probably be bouncing off the walls. But the fact is that I've never tried, not one single time. Now that I do regret. I've even had a dating site profile now for a while and can't bring myself to seriously message anyone. If I had tried in the past, maybe I could have been successful. Who knows?


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## Witan (Jun 13, 2009)

> *Are you desperate?*


Depends on when you ask me. My answer to this question changes randomly.


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## AK32 (Sep 2, 2010)

I don't think so.


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

Nope. Not desperate. I just don't really let it bother me if I find someone or not because I think the odds of finding someone who is right for me and understands me (no one ever will) are pretty slim.


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## Colton (Jun 27, 2011)

I'm desperate to kiss a girl. I'm unemployed, without a car and not ready for a relationship. But I would like to kiss a girl just so I can say that I've kissed a girl.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Not only am I not desperate, but I kind of have the opposite problem.

It's so far off my radar screen right now, and I have such issues with developing personal relationships with people, that even a girl I'm head over heels for would have a difficult time breaking through to me..


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## saso (Dec 15, 2009)

Desperate in the sense I want. More people in my life. I am lonely by choice


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## Paragon (Apr 13, 2010)

No. I wanna find the right girl. If she exists? :lol


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## listener123 (May 31, 2011)

This post really made me think. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, yeah, of course I'm desperate. But then I realized - no, I'm not. I'd love to have a wonderful loving relationship (just like most people here and elsewhere I'd imagine) but being desperate to me implies I'd date anybody, and that's not the case at all. If anything, sometimes I wonder whether I'm too picky.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

joinmartin said:


> For the love of the Goddess, please don't do this. I thought exactly like that for so long that it's not funny any more and it is horrible. None of it is real. There is no social totem pole.
> 
> Thoughts of not being good enough eat and nibble at confidence and if they can get into the temple of personal power then boy have you got trouble.
> 
> ...


This. great post

Women in general are out there if you want them, there's plenty of reading material on that sort of stuff

personally I just can't be bothered, my needs have changed and I wouldn't be happy/satisfied with
a) most local girls, or travelling regularly
b) chasing a potential partner and being sociable and having a car, job, money, which I don't find interesting

Actually my needs are pretty blown out of proportion because of the lifestyle I have now. I want things I can't have, things that aren't possible with modern women I guess. (damn, my posts are really looking negative today, sorry)


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## sansd (Mar 22, 2006)

No, the only relationship I've had was one I didn't really want and it just made me feel trapped.


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## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Nope. She can be the hottest woman on Earth, but if I don't connect with her, I can't imagine it turning into a long term relationship.


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## The Professor (Jul 31, 2011)

Genetic Garbage said:


> No. I was desperate in the past but I learned it's never going to happen so I am not desperate anymore.


I know what you mean. I hope it can happen for me before too long


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## Neptunus (Oct 29, 2007)

No. If anything, I've become more selective with time.


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## lanzman (Jun 14, 2004)

Not desperate. Just desperately need to get out more. Kinda hard to meet someone by yourself in your living room. :b


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## Elleire (Jul 24, 2011)

I used to be, but after being alone for so long, I've thankfully learned how not to care about it anymore. I know that I will never be with anyone, and as hard as accepting that was initially, I now feel kind of liberated in a way -- it's one less thing I have to worry about.

Of course there are those times when I feel like I will implode if not for some physical contact with another human being, but I just remind myself that even if an opportunity were to miraculously present itself, I know I could never go through with it. And that feeling passes rather quickly, anyhow.

So no, I'm not desperate anymore. Kind of opposite, really.


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## jg43i9jghy0t4555 (Jul 31, 2011)

phoelomek said:


> Of course there are those times when I feel like I will implode if not for some physical contact with another human being, but I just remind myself that even if an opportunity were to miraculously present itself, I know I could never go through with it. And that feeling passes rather quickly, anyhow.


I feel 'sick' with this feeling on occasions regularly now. I normally focus on introversion and generally doing engaging things

It's really comforting to think that way, to rationalize that you just can't deal with a relationship, to close off. In truth though, it could just be just a long process of building body confidence and/or changing emotional pressures through different experiences with people on a friendly basis.. i'm pretty sure it's workable.

tbh for me if it's about needs that shouldn't be there (security issues, obsession with beauty and certain *totally unrealistic, delusional* qualities I want in a partner) it's that that needs to change. Unless I'm going to choose to live a destructive life, where I convince myself I can't change and don't really achieve my full potential. imo. well could be wrong XD


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

Im soo desperate people can see it. I feel naked now..:um


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## sociallyretarded (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm not desperate, but I'm don't have extremely high standards (not because I'd settle for just about anyone, but because I'm not especially picky?).


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