# I Made a Guy Cry



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

A guy at my school has had a crush on me for about a year and half now. I could tell he liked me because of the way he looked at me, he would put his arm around my shoulders, and he would sometimes lay his head on my shoulder. This was all starting to get annoying since I don't return the feelings. We are members of the same club and at the meeting today (Valentine's Day) he gave me a card where he wrote, "Be my Valentine". I didn't open it until I got back to my room. A couple hours later, when I went to dinner he saw me and sat down with me. I asked him about the card and told him I just wanted to be friends. At the end of this conversation, he had tears in his eyes. I feel kind of bad now . . .


----------



## apx24 (Jan 31, 2012)

Don't feel bad, you were perfectly within your right to say no. Based on what you've written, you let him down gently so there isn't a problem. Time will heal him and he'll move on.


----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

apx24 said:


> Don't feel bad, you were perfectly within your right to say no. Based on what you've written, you let him down gently so there isn't a problem. Time will heal him and he'll move on.


I tried to let him down easy. I think it was worse for him because he had the crush for a while now.


----------



## Crimson Lotus (Jul 26, 2013)

There's no reason to feel bad about it, if after a year and a half he wasn't able to understand that you weren't interested then it's his fault. It's fine to take a risk when you like someone, but after so long?, that's just too much obliviousness.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

It does really suck but you did the right thing in letting him know as soon as possible what your feelings were.

edit: oh wait, you knew he had a crush on you for a year and a half D: yeah try to make it clear sooner if you didn't? Sometimes people don't get the message though to be fair


----------



## midnightson (Nov 6, 2013)

Sounds like he should have got the message a while ago.


----------



## DarrellLicht (Mar 9, 2013)

There are worse ways you could have handled that. I say don't worry about it.


----------



## Jaxosix (Jun 27, 2013)

Although this will do nothing to change the way you feel, You really shouldn't feel bad. It's not your fault you don't feel the same way. He'll get over it. Seems like you handled it in the best way.


----------



## arnie (Jan 24, 2012)

Was he a 'nice guy'?


----------



## sebastian1 (Feb 7, 2013)




----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

arnie said:


> Was he a 'nice guy'?


Yeah, he is a nice guy, but we just don't have a lot in common. We never even had much to talk about. We would ask each other how their day was, what they did over the weekend, and about homework. Other than that we would just sit in silence all the time. We have nothing to talk about. I don't know why he tried so hard to be with me.


----------



## nothing else (Oct 27, 2013)

That's not bad, if you were'n't interested in him you had to let him know some ways. I've had people cry before when they look at me because I'm so ugly.


----------



## Whatev (Feb 6, 2012)

Don't feel bad, he'll get over it. Its better to tell someone the truth than lead them on. You did the right thing for the both of you.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

why do you make the same thread in different subforums? you know you are not supposed to do that.


----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

sebastian1 said:


>


Ha ha


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

how old was this guy? 21? not sure whether to laugh or feel bad for him. i want to laugh


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

kittenamos said:


> Yeah, he is a nice guy, but we just don't have a lot in common. We never even had much to talk about. We would ask each other how their day was, what they did over the weekend, and about homework. Other than that we would just sit in silence all the time. We have nothing to talk about. I don't know why he tried so hard to be with me.


Maybe he has SA and if you were his "valentine" and went out on a date with him (or hung out with him somewhere outside of school) some interesting conversations might come up, you might find things in common by getting to know him better.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> how old was this guy? 21? not sure whether to laugh or feel bad for him. i want to laugh


I encourage you to ask yourself why you want to laugh at the thought of another human being experiencing the feelings of rejection and loss. It says a lot about your character that you'd prefer to find it humourous.

OP: You don't have the same feelings for him as he does for you, so he was destined to be hurt if he "made a move"...it sucks (for him) that he waited so long, but you did him a favour. Now, hopefully, he'll be able to slowly forget about you, instead of spending another year and a half of keeping his feelings to himself.


----------



## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

the guy had to be really out of the mix if things. a year and a half is pretty long


----------



## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

You're ruthless.


----------



## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

VanGogh said:


> Maybe he has SA and if you were his "valentine" and went out on a date with him (or hung out with him somewhere outside of school) some interesting conversations might come up, you might find things in common by getting to know him better.


If she has already known him for a year I doubt things would change.


----------



## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

If it ain't there, it ain't there.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Just Lurking said:


> If it ain't there, it ain't there.


&#8230;until it is.


----------



## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

^If after a year and a half she hasn't suddenly wanted him badly and his personality hasn't sparkled and shone, I don't think it will. 

And there's no reason for her to drag him along to see if he has any sort of chemistry when she obviously is not interested, that'd hurt him even more in the end. After a year and a half, it's obvious.

And OP it's not your fault. Honestly I would think he would've gotten the hint after a year and a half, but he'll get over it.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Barette said:


> ^If after a year and a half she hasn't suddenly wanted him badly and his personality hasn't sparkled and shone, I don't think it will.


You've condemned just about everyone with SA in that statement to not be worthy of a chance.

She is here because of SA, how does she know the guy himself doesn't have SA?


----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

VanGogh said:


> Maybe he has SA and if you were his "valentine" and went out on a date with him (or hung out with him somewhere outside of school) some interesting conversations might come up, you might find things in common by getting to know him better.


Remember, he had this crush on me for over a year. We would run into each other all the time in the cafeteria and he would text me to meet up with him somewhere to hang out. We never got anywhere with conversations.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

You're right to not lead him on at all (anymore - not saying you may have in the past, but it seems it took him a while to figure it out). I was in a similar situation where I crushed on a girl, and she basically did what you did. So yes I cried, but I got over it quickly. It's much easier when something like this is made clear so everyone can move on.


----------



## Barette (Jan 17, 2012)

VanGogh said:


> You've condemned just about everyone with SA in that statement to not be worthy of a chance.
> 
> She is here because of SA, how does she know the guy himself doesn't have SA?


You are inferring a whole lot of information that's more telling about you and your insecurities than the guy in the story. You are projecting yourself, and other SA guys, onto this guy. When in reality it's just another unrequited infatuation that this dude will have to deal with. Just like boys and girls feel all the time, and deal with all the time.

There is no evidence he has SA. There is no evidence that they would get along if she decided to date him. She'll learn to deal, he'll learn to deal.


----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

estse said:


> You're right to not lead him on at all (anymore - not saying you may have in the past, but it seems it took him a while to figure it out). I was in a similar situation where I crushed on a girl, and she basically did what you did. So yes I cried, but I got over it quickly. It's much easier when something like this is made clear so everyone can move on.


He had never asked me out before now. At first I was hoping he would figure out that I didn't like him like that by the way I reacted when he would try to put his arm around me. Now that he actually tried to ask me out I knew that I needed to tell him straight out.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

kittenamos said:


> Remember, he had this crush on me for over a year. We would run into each other all the time in the cafeteria and he would text me to meet up with him somewhere to hang out. We never got anywhere with conversations.


OK, can you describe the last guy you dated and how you got interested in him and how it turned out?


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

Barette said:


> You are inferring a whole lot of information that's more telling about you and your insecurities than the guy in the story. You are projecting yourself, and other SA guys, onto this guy. When in reality it's just another unrequited infatuation that this dude will have to deal with. Just like boys and girls feel all the time, and deal with all the time.
> 
> There is no evidence he has SA. There is no evidence that they would get along if she decided to date him. She'll learn to deal, he'll learn to deal.


I'm not inferring anything. I'm suggesting a world view that is actually LESS closed than yours and hers. If you want to debate that, go ahead, I'm just offering an alternative view. If you fear the notion of yourself or someone else stepping outside of their normal behaviors to perhaps get a chance to experience something different then that is saying more about you than you think I am saying about myself with my alternate viewpoint.


----------



## kittenamos (Jun 23, 2011)

VanGogh said:


> OK, can you describe the last guy you dated and how you got interested in him and how it turned out?


I've never had a boyfriend before.


----------



## VanGogh (Jan 13, 2013)

kittenamos said:


> I've never had a boyfriend before.


OK, just a thought here (if eventually one day you might want a boyfriend): Maybe guys who you could be happy with are already in your life and already interested in you and you're not going to necessarily be attracted to them before actually giving it a try with them.

Why am I giving this perspective? Because it's the same feedback women tell guys constantly who always seem to be chasing after women who don't show an interest in them while there are other women around they are not considering. We, as guys, keep being told that attraction can build over time when you get to know someone.

This is why I brought up an alternative view of this guy you described the situation with when you started this topic. It's an alternate view and if you knew a guy friend who was wanting to find a girlfriend describe a similar circumstance to you then you might very well offer him the same perspective.

OR you can listen to your sisters here who give you the "you go girl" advice and keep doing exactly what you're doing. Just depends on what you really want.


----------



## Brandeezy (Dec 23, 2009)

komorikun said:


> why do you make the same thread in different subforums? you know you are not supposed to do that.


----------



## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

I know a sad story my friend told me...

There was this guy, 17 years old, who went to ask out to ask this girl he had known from elementry school, they were long-time friends. He went to her house to ask her out.. she said no. The next day, he blew his head off with a .45 cal handgun. What makes this even worse is that the girl was on her way over to say yes, but it was too late...

Of course I'm not saying that this is going to happen in your situation, OP. I hope to God it doesn't. Just sharing a similar situation I had heard.


----------



## Rashomon89 (Dec 24, 2013)

Hideki said:


> I know a sad story my friend told me...
> 
> There was this guy, 17 years old, who went to ask out to ask this girl he had known from elementry school, they were long-time friends. He went to her house to ask her out.. she said no. The next day, he blew his head off with a .45 cal handgun. What makes this even worse is that the girl was on her way over to say yes, but it was too late...
> 
> Of course I'm not saying that this is going to happen in your situation, OP. I hope to God it doesn't. Just sharing a similar situation I had heard.


That's crazy man 

@kittenamos
You did nothing wrong here. It's OK to feel little "guilty" about it, it shows you are human. But don't overdo it .

I have friend that's pretty attractive. She rejected a lot of guys, and I remember her saying a lot of times how she is cursed to develop some feelings for guys that she initially rejects. So my point is to think twice before you reject someone because usually there is no second chance if you change your mind.


----------



## lisbeth (May 18, 2012)

I was kind of hoping for something juicier when I saw the thread title. I'm disappointed.


----------



## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

Seems like you were a good friend and then let him down easy. You shouldn't feel guilty. Hopefully he finds someone or learns to be happy on his own.


----------



## coldsorehighlighter (Jun 2, 2010)

Barette said:


> You are inferring a whole lot of information that's more telling about you and your insecurities than the guy in the story. You are projecting yourself, and other SA guys, onto this guy. When in reality it's just another unrequited infatuation that this dude will have to deal with. Just like boys and girls feel all the time, and deal with all the time.
> 
> There is no evidence he has SA. There is no evidence that they would get along if she decided to date him. She'll learn to deal, he'll learn to deal.


The only evidence that would indicate that maybe this guy struggles with anxiety(not necessarily social anxiety) would be that it took him a year and a half to finally do something about his feelings for the OP...I would think that liking a girl for a longgggg time before telling her(if they ever do) is something that the majority of guys on here have experienced.

If he didn't struggle with anxiety over trying to start a relationship with a girl he really likes, I imagine he would have tried it sooner, and more aggressively.

My opinion is that he liked the OP a lot, had a good feeling her feelings wouldn't be reciprocated, and waited all that time with the hope that the OP would declare her feelings for him, instead...and after a year and a half, he had to do something about it.

He'll get over it.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian (Jun 1, 2013)

I don't think you did anything wrong and did what you could. It's hard having to reject someone who you don't return feelings for but you did well.


----------



## UndreamingAwake (Apr 11, 2011)

Regardless of what some of the others might say, kudos for being honest and not leading someone on.


----------



## prettyful (Mar 14, 2013)

well its better that you were honest than lying to him. otherwise you wouldve just been leading him on.


----------



## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

lisbeth said:


> I was kind of hoping for something juicier when I saw the thread title. I'm disappointed.


Not enough femdom.

(you didn't do anything wrong, from the looks of it, OP)


----------



## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

so glad I don't ask girls out, I am realistic and know my limitations, I try to avoid drama and rejection, I just mind my own business and stick to watching TV shows on Amazon video, that's my life, that's my reality, the internet, the last time I had a crush on a girl was in high school, I had a stupid idea in my head at the end of last year of putting effort talking to females and maybe having a girlfriend by the end of this year, my therapist made it clear to me I don't need a girlfriend


----------



## Hideki (Jan 1, 2014)

MobiusX said:


> so glad I don't ask girls out, I am realistic and know my limitations, I try to avoid drama and rejection, I just mind my own business and stick to watching TV shows on Amazon video, that's my life, that's my reality, the internet, the last time I had a crush on a girl was in high school, I had a stupid idea in my head at the end of last year of putting effort talking to females and maybe having a girlfriend by the end of this year, my therapist made it clear to me I don't need a girlfriend


This is how every guy should be.


----------



## estse (Nov 18, 2003)

I've made men cry. It's a little different - you just have to challenge their masculinity, finances, or integrity. They break down like little boys. This all happens at my job.


----------



## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

I know how he feels.


----------



## mrbeansuperman (Nov 30, 2013)

I felt this way about a girl when I was 16. Then I grew up and realised it is dumb to put women on a pedestal like that. He sounds like a nice guy who would've been faithful but as usual it's the jerks who get the girls and then they accuse guys of being "predators" and perverts who only want sex.


----------



## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

mrbeansuperman said:


> I felt this way about a girl when I was 16. Then I grew up and realised it is dumb to put women on a pedestal like that. He sounds like a nice guy who would've been faithful but as usual it's the jerks who get the girls and then they accuse guys of being "predators" and perverts who only want sex.


Her rejecting him most likely had very little to do with him being nice or him putting her on a pedestal. Rejection hurt and so was his feelings especially if he liked her for a long time, and she probably wasn't attracted to him or reasons of her own.


----------



## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

Lacking Serotonin said:


> I know how he feels.


sadly, I do too.


----------



## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

extremly said:


> *Lol what a noob. He might as well have been chopping yew trees with bronze axe (don't worry you won't get the reference). *But to be fair if I had invested 1.5 years of mental energy crushing on a girl without making a move I would cry too at the time lost


DON'T BE SO SURE.

I have decoded your post.

Needs a Rune axe. Well Dragon, but forget paying.


----------



## Lacking Serotonin (Nov 18, 2012)

SilentLuke said:


> sadly, I do too.


Yeah it sucks bad. Pretty much I fall in love before saying one word or date them and then get rejected and before I know it I'm thinking about suicide. :afr


----------



## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

estse said:


> I've made men cry. It's a little different - you just have to challenge their masculinity, finances, or integrity. They break down like little boys. This all happens at my job.


Seconded.

I mean that's horrible. 

I'm not stalking you.

@ OP You did the right thing. Better to let him know the situation rather than have him spend more time and energy wondering and trying for something that just isn't there.


----------



## nster (Oct 19, 2011)

I don't know the whole situation but I will pretend I do

I think the right thing would have been to do something when you knew he had a crush on you and letting him put his head on your shoulders and shoulders and stuff idk... Also by the time he asks you to be his Valentine and you rejecting I don't see it as "the right thing to do" because it was well overdue, instead I see it as non-sadistic, oh you didn't purposely get his hopes up when you had no choice anymore, yea that's "good" I guess.

That's how I see it but again, I don't know s*** about your particular situation


----------

