# negative thoughts and their contradicting positives



## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

I thought it might be a good idea for everyone to post some beliefs about themselves that they have, and then also write something that will challenge that thought...
I will start

I believe that I am not an intelligent person and that i am a slow learner....however, i have learned that most of it is the sa telling me this, and that i am just scared of looking like a fool or like i dont know anything and that is why i actually dont allow myself to learn things because i tell myself i am slow and i m not going to "get it" as fast as everyone else...i also know that i am intelligent because i am always thinking about things and if i wasnt intelligent i wouldnt be thinking this much...right? I am just thinking about the wrong things. Also, I know that I am really good at grammar and writing and I seem to have a better memory with most things, like peoples names and faces, than most people do. I am very aware of other people and can read them easily which is a very key part of intelligence. The only reason I think I am dumb is because I am scared of being that, and the fear that I might be that is what is driving that thought. 


Now you share something!


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## Anxiety75 (Feb 10, 2004)

Yeah I have trouble with seeing myself as okay. It's like if I mess up it is because I am dumb etc. But my SA causes it really but to myself I am smart and wise and really quick. I'm not really all the things that i believe are wrong with me. It's still hard. I think its good to at least once everyday we tell ourselves something good about ourselves or counter that thought with positive. Soooner or later we can fill our minds with positive thinking but we have to stick with the routine.


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## WhyMe888 (Aug 22, 2005)

i always talk myself out of doing things or joining clubs/organizations that i want. I won't go see a movie that looks good by myself, i won't go to a resturant all alone, etc. i convince myself that everyone will be looking and talking about me b/c everyone else has friends to talk to and i'm all alone. but i realize that this is wrong. the few times that i have been out to see a movie alone, people don't stare at me or anything. last year i wanted to join a sorority but didn't dare to cause i thought that everyone would be outgoing and pretty and smart and i would just be rejected but this year i'm pledging and it's fun. my big and tree and all the other girls are really nice. SA makes me think that i'm not good enough or that others are better than me but i'm beginning to realize that this is not true. for the longest time i believed that is was true and that somehow i was inferior to others and sometimes i still believe this but i'm trying not to.


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## Jess (Oct 23, 2004)

I think that my social nervousness causes me to be confused easily because of all of the stimulation and information I am trying to take in. I can't take in too much information at once and im not sure if it is because i am kind of slow, or if its just because of my sa? I have always been a whiz at reading and writing but with reading the comprehension has been a challenge which is obviously a big part of the whole knowledge thing! Anyways I know for a fact that people think i am easily confused and its hard to face that. It's just because I am concentrating on myself what i am going to say and feeling the pressure and everything...i think. Anyone else feel this way? Or am I really just easily confused?!


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## crazyg (Jun 18, 2005)

Nah, Jess you're not alone. I get that all the time. It's got to be the SA. It affects me more when I am around people I don't know. Sometimes, while having a conversation, I'll forget something the person said or feel myself drifting into my own thoughts. I focus so much on myself and how I should react that sometimes, I miss key bits of information. But, if I'm totally relaxed, I usually don't have these confusion problems.


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## Violette (Aug 21, 2005)

I can relate to these negative beliefs. I've never believed in myself or my ability, and have felt dumb and actually called it too, which hurts. But maybe part of it is due to anxiety and confusion (being so stressed out you can't think straight!) and not wanting to take responsibility. If you seem dumb others will help you and take care of you. I'm an immature 29 yo, ha ha. 

We could write our negative beliefs in a notebook and write positives next to them. I think irrational things every day, yet they're so automatic and ingrained l just go along with them. 
One of mine is:
'everybody hates me' 
Alternative positive thoughts:
people have been nice to me, smiled, spoken to me, 
it's up to me to stop being paranoid and take people at face value. People may be wary of me because l'm wary of them. Once people get to know me and my funny ways they see l'm ok and nice (trying to convince myself).


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## JohnnyEnnui (Jul 10, 2005)

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## friend_Z (Jan 3, 2006)

Jess said:


> I think that my social nervousness causes me to be confused easily because of all of the stimulation and information I am trying to take in. I can't take in too much information at once and im not sure if it is because i am kind of slow, or if its just because of my sa? I have always been a whiz at reading and writing but with reading the comprehension has been a challenge which is obviously a big part of the whole knowledge thing! Anyways I know for a fact that people think i am easily confused and its hard to face that. It's just because I am concentrating on myself what i am going to say and feeling the pressure and everything...i think. Anyone else feel this way? Or am I really just easily confused?!


Wow. Both your original post and this one really resonated for me, Jess. You spelled out my concerns more clearly than I could have. These are exactly the thoughts and questions I have been wrestling with.

I can't tell if my mind has dulled or if SA is just holding me back. I'm often concerned when facing people who might perceive me as being less intelligent or capable. And it's not out of vanity or narcissism, so much as I'm just worried they have the wrong impression of me. I feel like I'm viewed as some kind of simpleton who doesn't think at all. I guess there's not really much that can be done about other peoples' impressions, though.

I don't know if this will make sense, but I find it relatively easy to grasp ideas and concepts in my head. (Maybe I just think I am grasping them when, in truth, I'm not.) But the real challenge for me comes when I have to articulate and express these ideas to others. For example, I think I'm pretty lousy at discussing a news story or a book or movie with other people. It's like I know what I want to say, but can't string the words together.

Like you, I feel like I can only take in a limited amount of information before I get completely overwhelmed. Not only am I focusing on things being said, but I am also thinking about the context of the given situation, how I will be received/perceived, as well as the values and thought patterns (the motivations) of all the other people involved. On top of that I'll sometimes have random thoughts floating around that have nothing to do with the situation at hand. And I think that slows down my processing. Like a computer trying to run too many programs at once, I suppose. It all gets bottlenecked. I think I overanalyze things to the point where I can't function smoothly. And I wonder if there is something that can be done about it.

However, I think I also pick up on little things that other people seem to miss altogether. For example, I often pick up on comments made by people when others don't even realize their significance. If I bring them up later, nobody seems to understand what I am talking about. This leads me to believe that there is a difference between intelligence and perception. But it also makes me wonder whether or not I'm paranoid.


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## Farren (Jan 5, 2006)

friend_Z said:


> Jess said:
> 
> 
> > I think that my social nervousness causes me to be confused easily because of all of the stimulation and information I am trying to take in. I can't take in too much information at once and im not sure if it is because i am kind of slow, or if its just because of my sa? I have always been a whiz at reading and writing but with reading the comprehension has been a challenge which is obviously a big part of the whole knowledge thing! Anyways I know for a fact that people think i am easily confused and its hard to face that. It's just because I am concentrating on myself what i am going to say and feeling the pressure and everything...i think. Anyone else feel this way? Or am I really just easily confused?!
> ...


Friend Z and Jess, thanks for this great thread. I can totally relate to all of the above. Jess, you may do this too: my vision is fairly micro - I tend to miss the forest for the trees. I will get so caught up in one aspect that I often miss the big picture. Once I realized I have this tendency, I've worked to overcome it, but it's a daily struggle. I am great at picking up on and remember details, but seeing and conceptualizing larger concepts is a bit harder. I'll never be a great leader, this much I know. And to be honest, exploring the particulars is what I enjoy most, the nitty gritty of life.

I struggle between wanting to believe it is simply a different learning/cognitive style, and a defeatist view that despite years of higher education, I am somehow intellectually defective. (Einstein might say the opposite is true)


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