# guys: are you attracted to confidence?



## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

They say that women are attracted to confidence more than looks, while guys care more about looks than confidence.

Well if a girl walks in the room like she owns the place while still being a kind hearted person and i find out she's attracted to me, i will usually feel incredibly attracted to her, even if her looks aren't all that great.

Am i just weird? i feel like i'm feminine or have feminine personality traits... this isn't really a masculine thing, is it?


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Honey, a REAL man will go for a confident woman. Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender. 

If a woman feels good about herself and holds herself to a high standard, a man will treat her like a prize.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Yeah - if she's a dominatrix.


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## SambaBus (Apr 26, 2012)

lyric said:


> Honey, a REAL man will go for a confident woman. Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender.
> 
> If a woman feels good about herself and holds herself to a high standard, a man will treat her like a prize.


:no


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Women are attracted to status, not confidence.

A confident guy with no friends and an average job will get ****. Bottom of the barrel stuff.

A famous actor stuck in drugs/alcohol because of depression will sleep with more women in six months than you could hope for in your life.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

SambaBus said:


> :no


Well, beautiful women like in fact to feel like a prize awarded to the most socially dominant man around.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

TPower said:


> Women are attracted to status, not confidence.
> 
> A confident guy with no friends and an average job will get ****. Bottom of the barrel stuff.
> 
> A famous actor stuck in drugs/alcohol because of depression will sleep with more women in six months than you could hope for in your life.


Quality > quantity

Thats what bugs me about these generalizations. Theres enough people in the world to find normal, well adjusted people rather than being so jaded and cynical to think that 'all [insert group here] are [ignorant comment]"


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## asw12345 (Aug 8, 2012)

lyric said:


> Honey, a REAL man will go for a confident woman. Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender.
> 
> If a woman feels good about herself and holds herself to a high standard, a man will treat her like a prize.


i like shy girls. but mainly just because we would have something in common. does this make me a user? cause i've never used a girl


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

VipFuj said:


> Quality > quantity
> 
> Thats what bugs me about these generalizations. Theres enough people in the world to find normal, well adjusted people rather than being so jaded and cynical to think that 'all [insert group here] are [ignorant comment]"


How is it socially unacceptable to find trends among the sexes?

-Little girls play with barbies more than little boys or am I just generalizing?
-Girls care about their look more than guys or am I just generalizing?
-How come MUCH MORE women than men enjoy shopping?
-How come MUCH MORE men than women enjoy football?

There is a long logical, explanation to the fact that women (especially very attractive ones) are attracted to high-status men.


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## Propaganda (Oct 26, 2010)

Confidence and a high self-esteem, yes. Aggressiveness and arrogance, no.


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## Wirt (Jan 16, 2009)

TPower said:


> How is it socially unacceptable to find trends among the sexes?
> 
> -Little girls play with barbies more than little boys or am I just generalizing?
> -Girls care about their look more than guys or am I just generalizing?
> ...


Because those generalizations arent as judgemental and negative. I didnt say there wasnt a trend or a large portion of the population that fall under your comment. I just think losing sight of the fact that there are plenty of people outside of your comment can have a negative impact on the person with the view


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## identitycrisis (Sep 18, 2011)

There's a difference between having confidence and walking into a room like you own the place. And I'm not talking about arrogance.

Having high self-esteem doesn't require you to make yourself the center of attention.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

asw12345 said:


> i like shy girls. but mainly just because we would have something in common. does this make me a user? cause i've never used a girl


When did I make a correlation between shy girls and confidence? A woman being shy does not mean she is not confident, surprisingly.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...ow-important-confidence-is-in-men-how-201096/

Recent thread above.

Confidence in itself doesn't do a whole lot for me.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

lyric said:


> When did I make a correlation between shy girls and confidence? A woman being shy does not mean she is not confident, surprisingly.


What does it mean then?


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

I think people are confusing confidence with arrogance. There is a difference in saying, "I'm happy with myself" and "I think I'm better than everyone else."

And if you think of the whole "bad boy" concept, it has nothing to do with status. For some women, cockiness is very sexy.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

srschirm said:


> What does it mean then?


It's like the assumption about introversion. People assume that Introverts are shy, afraid of people, have no confidence, etc. The truth is that introverts just prefer doing things alone and they're observant. I know introverts who are confident. There isn't always a connection between social skills and confidence. It depends.


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## awfulness (Jul 13, 2009)

well i am not talking about mere confidence then, but outgoing cockiness. The type that lots of girls find attractive in those "bad boys", i find attractive in girls.

only if they give me attention though.. if they're just mean to me then i dont like them..


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## Ape in space (May 31, 2010)

I would say confidence is more-or-less irrelevant. I can see advantages to both confident women and non-confident women. It is true that I'm more likely to be attracted if a woman explicitly shows interest in me, but if we're just comparing confident to non-confident women before I've interacted with them, there's no difference.



lyric said:


> Honey, a REAL man will go for a confident woman. Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender.
> 
> If a woman feels good about herself and holds herself to a high standard, a man will treat her like a prize.


Just because a woman has low self-esteem doesn't mean she has no value to others. A girl who has low self-esteem can have other qualities that make men like her. And even if a man finds her low self-esteem itself to be appealing, that still doesn't mean he's a user. It could just make her more endearing. Or maybe the guy also has low self-esteem and feels comfortable with someone who has similar issues. And so on.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

awfulness said:


> well i am not talking about mere confidence then, but outgoing cockiness. The type that lots of girls find attractive in those "bad boys", i find attractive in girls.
> 
> only if they give me attention though.. if they're just mean to me then i dont like them..


There's nothing really wrong with that. Alot of men will put up with a **** as long as she's good-looking. Cockiness can be sexy, but I don't think it works for a long standing relationship.


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## ManOfFewWords (Mar 20, 2012)

Do you think our grandparents analyzed this stuff back in their day?


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

I like a confident girl who isn't high maintenance and can be "one of the guys". But if she tries too hard to be different than other girls then it can be annoying. Just being happy with who she is in an understated way, extremely attractive to me.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Ape in space said:


> I would say confidence is more-or-less irrelevant. I can see advantages to both confident women and non-confident women. It is true that I'm more likely to be attracted if a woman explicitly shows interest in me, but if we're just comparing confident to non-confident women before I've interacted with them, there's no difference.
> 
> Just because a woman has low self-esteem doesn't mean she has no value to others. A girl who has low self-esteem can have other qualities that make men like her. And even if a man finds her low self-esteem itself to be appealing, that still doesn't mean he's a user. It could just make her more endearing. Or maybe the guy also has low self-esteem and feels comfortable with someone who has similar issues. And so on.


That can be true. It's just that many men do not find low self-esteem to be a sexy personality trait. There's that saying that how you feel about yourself is how others will feel too.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

lyric said:


> Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender.


So I guess I'm screwed? Should I assume that every guy that likes me is just a user, and that I'm unattractive because of my low self-esteem?

:blank


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

Monroee said:


> So I guess I'm screwed? Should I assume that every guy that likes me is just a user, and that I'm unattractive because of my low self-esteem?
> 
> :blank


MOST men are attracted to confidence. I should not have put them all in the same bracket. I guess I'm talking specifically about my race of men, as far as the user thing is concerned. That's another story.


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

Men are attracted to ****iness. 

It takes confidence to be ****ty alright.


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## rymo (Sep 6, 2009)

TPower said:


> Men are attracted to ****iness.
> 
> It takes confidence to be ****ty alright.


Nah, douchebags are attracted to ****s. Real men like someone who's got some class.


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## lyric (Aug 21, 2011)

****s are simply women who enjoy sex, whether they have multiple partners or not. If she's not cheating on anyone, wrecking a home, or doing it unprotected, I don't see the issue. A woman easily becomes a w h o r e when she uses her sexuality to manipulate.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I think confidence in who you are is attractive. You carry yourself better, it is not about being arrogant or cocky though and you can still be shy/introverted but confident in who you are, confident in your morals, etc. Which is what I really thing true self esteem is based on an assured sense of self, and awareness of your actual skills/awesome traits are as well as your limitations/flaws without obsessing about them.


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## Brad (Dec 27, 2011)

Depends what you mean by confidence. People who are cocky/full of themselves are a huge turn off for me. I can't tell you how many arrogant and cocky people i've met who claim they're "confident not cocky". To me confidence is being happy about themselves and where they are in life. I don't think it's based on whether you're outgoing or not. You can be outgoing and put on a fake personality but it doesn't mean you have a high self esteem or are confident.


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## elvin jones (Dec 12, 2011)

Why do people keep saying the phrase "a real man should" do this or that. I have heard a lot of variations on this. Such as date single mothers, like women with curves (often the woman in question is fat not curvy), etc.


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## parzen (Aug 25, 2012)

I think confidence is not the most important thing that determines the social attractiveness of a person. I think what people want, and what I want, is someone I can engage and laugh with that responds to how I interact with them. They don't have to be confident, they just have to be able to 'play' socially with me, like I need to with them if I want them to be happy.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

There are no dominatrixes here? Could a woman with SA be a domiatrix?


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

ManOfFewWords said:


> Do you think our grandparents analyzed this stuff back in their day?


No. Of course society was much better back then overall, too.


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## OutOfControlPanel (Jul 14, 2012)

> guys: are you attracted to confidence?


No. Mainly because I couldn't possibly relate to it. I find myself very interested in women who are shy, introverted, full of flaws, phobias, insecurities, etc. And no, this is not because I'm a user or a manipulator who's seeking easy prey. It's because this is who I am also, so this is what I can most easily relate to.


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## Twelve Keyz (Aug 28, 2011)

when I think about it, yeah. All the girls I've been attracted to were confident. Also, being quiet/shy does not necessarily = low confidence.


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## Luka92 (Dec 13, 2011)

I like it, as long as she isn't overly confident and cocky.


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## ThrashtilDeath (Mar 21, 2009)

True confidence, definitely. I think that's rare, though (for both sexes). Most people seem to have nothing more than pseudo-confidence that is completely dependent on superficial qualities like money, fashion, material possessions etc 

If you're confident you don't need to shout it to the world. You just are.


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## ShySmoker (Aug 27, 2012)

confidence is great and all but not the biggest determinant of attraction for me.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

There are a couple match questions on OKCupid that ask if you have high or low self-esteem and if you are happy with your life. I don't think I have seen one guy that says he has low self-esteem or is unhappy with his life. I'm probably the only one that answered negatively to those questions.


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## Black And Mild (Apr 11, 2011)

I have a hard time picturing a woman with a lot of "confidence" without getting the image of a straight b*tch...so no


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## Blawnka (Dec 12, 2011)

Not at all, confidence is good don't get me wrong, but what kind of very confident girl wants a depressed socially anxious guy? Can't be a big percentage of them out there.


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## applesauce5482 (Apr 26, 2012)

.


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## Loveless (Apr 6, 2012)

To hell with confidence


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

komorikun said:


> There are a couple match questions on OKCupid that ask if you have high or low self-esteem and if you are happy with your life. I don't think I have seen one guy that says he has low self-esteem or is unhappy with his life. I'm probably the only one that answered negatively to those questions.


Honestly we're afraid we'll get "nexted' right away if we answer negatively.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

TPower said:


> Women are attracted to status, not confidence.
> 
> A confident guy with no friends and an average job will get ****. Bottom of the barrel stuff.
> 
> A famous actor stuck in drugs/alcohol because of depression will sleep with more women in six months than you could hope for in your life.


Nice to know that girls who are with guys with average jobs are "****" and "bottom of the barrel _stuff_". :roll


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## TPower (Feb 3, 2011)

meeps said:


> Nice to know that girls who are with guys with average jobs are "****" and "bottom of the barrel _stuff_". :roll


Well, they may also be very lucky.

The minority of very pretty women who aren't turned-on by social status/dominance are always taken, and for a good reason.


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## meeps (Dec 5, 2011)

Women who are not "very pretty"= "****, bottom of the barrel"

Not a great thing to insinuate on a forum filled with lots of women with self-esteem issues and BDD, is it?


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## Primordial Loop (Apr 5, 2011)

Not in particular, no. But after giving it some thought, a woman with confidence would probably be ideal for me. I don’t think I’d be able to provide the amount of validation a woman with low self-esteem might want/need from their partner.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

srschirm said:


> Honestly we're afraid we'll get "nexted' right away if we answer negatively.


You don't have to answer the question publicly.


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## leave me alone (Apr 1, 2011)

Not particulary..

I don't think it is really that important.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Every thread on the internet seems to be derailed by people lacking similar meanings. Often in life, people associate words with traits that don't match the denotation. This forum revolves around feelings and thoughts so it's important that we clarify what we mean IF you are truly looking for understanding.

I read a few of the comments and I agree with mostly everything "Lyrics" has stated.
Confidence =/= arrogance and shy=/=insecure.
The opposite of confident is insecure
The opposite of shy is outgoing
The opposite of arrogant is humble



As stated before me...I believe that manipulative men do seek out insecure women..in fact I know they do...I have friends who express this mindset. Insecure women are really easy to control and a lot of men want control over women..heck a lot of men want control over everything lol. 

Some men, a lot of men, hate confident women (not arrogant but secure and self appreciating) because it's harder to keep them around and to take advantage of their emotions. Insecurities are weaknesses in relationships. Insecurities are vulnerabilities and they lead to very fragile emotional states. An insecure woman will value even the worst of relationships and be truly convinced that it's almost perfect.


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## strugglingforhope (Jun 13, 2009)

Theologic said:


> Every thread on the internet seems to be derailed by people lacking similar meanings. Often in life, people associate words with traits that don't match the denotation. This forum revolves around feelings and thoughts so it's important that we clarify what we mean IF you are truly looking for understanding.
> 
> I read a few of the comments and I agree with mostly everything "Lyrics" has stated.
> Confidence =/= arrogance and shy=/=insecure.
> ...


I tend to think a lot of what social confidence comes from value placed on us by our value to society. I happen to disagree with a lot of what society thinks about how we should be valued. So really confidence is definitely no fair judge of character.

I don't have any kind of attraction to confidence, I'm indifferent to it - I understand insecurity, and like confidence i don't really think it's the best judge of a person.

There sure are guys that seek women to manipulate, but not having attraction to confidence doesn't have much connection to wanting to manipulate or be in control - that's more of a separate personality trait.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

lyric said:


> Honey, a REAL man will go for a confident woman. Only users go after women with low self-esteem. It is not attractive for any gender.
> 
> If a woman feels good about herself and holds herself to a high standard, a man will treat her like a prize.


And she will dump a guy like that in short order.


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## Celtics777 (Aug 25, 2012)

To a certain degree, yes.


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## Haunty (Oct 24, 2008)

Yes I'm attracted to confidence, except real confident women tend to make me feel inadequate. I have a lot of confidence in some areas, but little confidence in other areas.


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## leonardess (Jun 30, 2009)

This is why I heart you, Ape. well said.

just because a person has low self esteem, doesn't mean others will see no value in them. perceptive people can see other traits. of course, it is up to them if they care to put in the work sometimes required of being with a person who has low self esteem. I suppose it's a matter of degree. a person who has not much confidence in themselves can have confidence in others, in their friends, in family, in beliefs, in all kinds of things, and those other factors can make them very attractive to some. Also, how a person handles their view of themselves, whether good or poor, can make a big difference.

There really is no hard and fast rule here. when it comes to human beings, there is so much more at work in attraction than simply "confidence" or "no confidence", arrogance, or anything else.



Ape in space said:


> I would say confidence is more-or-less irrelevant. I can see advantages to both confident women and non-confident women. It is true that I'm more likely to be attracted if a woman explicitly shows interest in me, but if we're just comparing confident to non-confident women before I've interacted with them, there's no difference.
> 
> Just because a woman has low self-esteem doesn't mean she has no value to others. A girl who has low self-esteem can have other qualities that make men like her. And even if a man finds her low self-esteem itself to be appealing, that still doesn't mean he's a user. It could just make her more endearing. Or maybe the guy also has low self-esteem and feels comfortable with someone who has similar issues. And so on.


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## beothuck1 (Nov 16, 2010)

I feel like you are a nice guy. You are attracted to a kind-hearted, confident girl, which in the end will probably mean you will end up in a healthy relationship. To base a relationship on superficial things from the start is a recipe for disaster. That is the difference between lust and love. Down the road, when looks fade, a kind-hearted girl with confidence will be the real catch. It's nice to see that someone is looking past the superficial. There are stereotypes for everything, and I guess you just fall outside of the stereotype.


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## Stray Bullet (Feb 21, 2014)

confidence is repulsive


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

I think we need to distinguish between confidence, assertiveness and self-esteem here.

Self-esteem is pretty irrelevant one way or another to me personally. You can think you're ugly, or think you're pretty, you can think you're smart or think you're dumb. That's YOUR burden to bear. Being overly assertive can be unattractive, as can be someone who never stands up for herself. I don't want someone who'll just treat me like a plaything and whine over unreasonable stuff, and you can keep your submissive chicks who just meekly nod even if they don't like something about the relationship, that's not a way to keep a sustainable and healthy long-term relationship.

A confident person isn't necessarily someone who loves themselves and does whatever the f*** they want however. A confident person is someone who knows they are imperfect, but doesn't care, and gets on with life anyway. I consider myself a confident person. I might think I'm ugly and dumb sometimes, I might sometimes have trouble getting my voice out there, but damn if I don't stand up for myself if someone is giving me s***, damn if I won't speak my mind if I see someone doing something bad to someone else, and I know deep down that I'll get s*** done, and even if I don't, so be it, that's fine, I will just move on with my life. That is a trait I definitely find attractive in women as well, in fact it's becoming a bit of a prerequisite.


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## MobiusX (Nov 14, 2008)

it's disrespectful, it's a sign of cockiness, I hate that, those are the people I usually don't get along with, I can't stand them, confidence and being social go along


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

thats why party girls are so attractive..... Very alluring. Their confidence.


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## Silere (Oct 19, 2014)

Not particularly.


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## visualkeirockstar (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't care.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

It really just depends on the girl. I've been attracted to more confident, outgoing girls as well as shy and not so confident seeming girls.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Ntln said:


> I think we need to distinguish between confidence, assertiveness and self-esteem here.
> 
> Self-esteem is pretty irrelevant one way or another to me personally. You can think you're ugly, or think you're pretty, you can think you're smart or think you're dumb. That's YOUR burden to bear. Being overly assertive can be unattractive, as can be someone who never stands up for herself. I don't want someone who'll just treat me like a plaything and whine over unreasonable stuff, and you can keep your submissive chicks who just meekly nod even if they don't like something about the relationship, that's not a way to keep a sustainable and healthy long-term relationship.
> 
> A confident person isn't necessarily someone who loves themselves and does whatever the f*** they want however. A confident person is someone who knows they are imperfect, but doesn't care, and gets on with life anyway. I consider myself a confident person. I might think I'm ugly and dumb sometimes, I might sometimes have trouble getting my voice out there, but damn if I don't stand up for myself if someone is giving me s***, damn if I won't speak my mind if I see someone doing something bad to someone else, and I know deep down that I'll get s*** done, and even if I don't, so be it, that's fine, I will just move on with my life. That is a trait I definitely find attractive in women as well, in fact it's becoming a bit of a prerequisite.


I agree with this! Very wise words. I wanna be confident in my beliefs and be with a woman who's confident in hers. Hopefully we'd challenge yet support each other and trust each other not to lie, that's all...


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## AussiePea (Mar 27, 2007)

Someone who views their abilities in a positive light and doesn't beat themselves down on a constant basis is critical for me.


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## caveman8 (Sep 3, 2012)

beothuck1 said:


> I feel like you are a nice guy. You are attracted to a kind-hearted, confident girl, which in the end will probably mean you will end up in a healthy relationship. To base a relationship on superficial things from the start is a recipe for disaster. That is the difference between lust and love. Down the road, when looks fade, a kind-hearted girl with confidence will be the real catch. It's nice to see that someone is looking past the superficial. There are stereotypes for everything, and I guess you just fall outside of the stereotype.


Looks are part of the equation. A house that looks ugly on the outside may still be totally functional. Would you buy it? It's not a case of either/or - you want someone who is physically attractive as well. Down the road, well, we'll all be dead too. And looks can be maintained well past say 50, so basing a selection partially on the idea that looks eventually fade over time anyway doesn't seem wise to me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of very attractive women have had their confidence chipped away over a lifetime of people looking for every little flaw. It is attractive when a woman can rise above that and just not care what people think.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

WillYouStopDave said:


> Yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of very attractive women have had their confidence chipped away over a lifetime of people looking for every little flaw. *It is attractive when a woman can rise above that and just not care what people think.*


agreed. Insecurity is such a turn off.


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## namaste34 (Jul 30, 2015)

asw12345 said:


> i like shy girls. but mainly just because we would have something in common. does this make me a user? cause i've never used a girl


Same here. I'm a girl and I like shy boys. No, I'm not a user or a dominant person.


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## NerdlySquared (Jul 18, 2015)

awfulness said:


> They say that women are attracted to confidence more than looks, while guys care more about looks than confidence.
> 
> Well if a girl walks in the room like she owns the place while still being a kind hearted person and i find out she's attracted to me, i will usually feel incredibly attracted to her, even if her looks aren't all that great.
> 
> Am i just weird? i feel like i'm feminine or have feminine personality traits... this isn't really a masculine thing, is it?


Honestly, the "kind hearted person" part looks way more attractive to me than either the confidence or the looks. Try not to worry so much about how anyone sees your personality traits, that isn't important, nor do those opinions make your decisions for you  Just know what's important to you


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## vsaxena (Apr 17, 2015)

I like kindhearted, reticent women, though the ones that appear that way on the outside so often turn out to be psychopathic feminists who attend wild "parties." Oh, the irony, lol!


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

I answered negatively but I also make sure those answers are private.



komorikun said:


> There are a couple match questions on OKCupid that ask if you have high or low self-esteem and if you are happy with your life. I don't think I have seen one guy that says he has low self-esteem or is unhappy with his life. I'm probably the only one that answered negatively to those questions.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

I don't know if confident is the right word, but I tend to get along better with strong women, who have a strong sense of what they want in life, how they want to be treated, and aren't just passive idiots waiting on a husband to make them a housewife because life is too scary :roll Even though I would probably feel insecure about it, I'm more interested in those highly educated, have a career, feminist minded women. I wouldn't necessarily say "attracted" though, since it's not a sexy quality. I'm attracted to boobs. The personality is what would make me stay longer than one night.


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## JTHearts (Nov 4, 2015)

Either I am attracted to confidence or confidence is attracted to me, confident girls are the only ones who will date me.


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## ScorchedEarth (Jul 12, 2014)

Nah, I find it threatening and/or irritating, regardless of gender. I can easily relate to a ''I know I'm ugly/dumb/awkward and I don't care'' attitude, however. Don't know if that counts as confidence. Self-deprecation is something I always appreciate. You can spare me your meaningless handshakes and verbal platitudes, putting your image on the chopping block impresses me a lot more.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

awfulness said:


> well i am not talking about mere confidence then, but outgoing cockiness.


Huge turn off.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

I like down to earth women.
Such a sweet trait and it just turns me on.
Too bad people assume that you like to take advantage of such people if you are attracted to them.
Makes it kinda hard to find anybody, on top of the anxiety.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Time to invade this thread.

I have a type:





































So yeah, I guess you could say I like confidence and even a bit of cockiness. Shrinking Violets don't do anything for me. I have more or less the same taste in women that I have in men.


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

Women typically can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance. Some try to overcompensate due to their perceived idea that men think of them as lesser beings.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

ButteredToast said:


> Women typically can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance. Some try to overcompensate due to their perceived idea that men think of them as lesser beings.


Probably because they have little ladybrains.

This problem seems to be more common for men, tbh. There's a constant stream of threads on here in which men bemoan the "fact" that "women are attracted to arrogant douchebags". I can see how it might seem that way if you're incapable of understanding the difference between confidence and arrogance.

But maybe those guys are having trouble because they're thinking with even littler brains.


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## Buttered Toast (Aug 22, 2015)

You're going into an entirely different topic. The lines aren't so blurred here.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

I don't care about it, as long as they're not stupid or way too insecure.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

Just wanted to add that a woman being completely insecure_ is_ a turn off. If she is the type that always needs constant reassurances and then it still isn't enough then, yeah, that's not attractive to me. She doesn't have to be a super outgoing, confident go getter type woman. Though there is nothing wrong with that to me either.


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## Darktower776 (Aug 16, 2013)

@truant - So you like your women in leather then?


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Darktower776 said:


> @*truant* - So you like your women in leather then?


Never really noticed. But yeah, I guess I do. :laugh:


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

yeah insecurity and moodiness are such turn offs


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## Jesuszilla (May 26, 2013)

I don't find super confidence attractive otherwise it's cool.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

McFly said:


> Meh, my experiences in life have shown me differently. You see a lot of guys bemoaning scumbags getting the women, not just on SAS. These complaints are not something new and it's not an imaginary concern. Guys I've come across that were the most obnoxious, rude, loud douchebags that wouldn't hesitate to laugh at some crippled kid tend to have women cling to them and idolize them like they were a Greek god. And I've seen them stay quiet and stand on the sidelines while the guy is unloading on some innocent person and they wait for the dust to settle.
> 
> Which doesn't make sense, but what he said about women not knowing the difference about arrogance and confidence I find to be true. Saying that this is typical of women wasn't the right way to put it but it isn't uncommon for women to not pickup the cues that the guy they are enamored with is a jerk in addition to the confidence he radiates. And women like this tend to be the ones that are in disbelief when they get cheated on or physically beaten.
> 
> That may seem like generalizing, and obviously the majority of women don't want to be with bad guys, but both sexes can get confused about the character of the person they are attracted to. And douchebags attracting women to their cocky arrogance is not a myth thought up by frustrated simple minded single guys.


It's also not a myth that by and large _guys don't care about a woman's personality_. What they care about is what she looks like and _maybe_ how many other men she's slept with. If you're beautiful you can be a nasty viper and men literally won't care. They'll still trip over themselves to get with you. Explain to me how this is different from women not caring about whether or not their bfs are jerks? Whenever this debate comes up it's the same thing: men complaining that women act as bad as they do. And then men like this are in disbelief when they get taken to the cleaners in divorce court by these women. Maybe if men were better at picking up those cues it wouldn't happen so often?

Men all _say_ they care about personality, of course, just like women all _say_ they don't want to date jerks, and I'm sure they really believe it; but I'm as entitled to ignore what men say and base my actions on what I actually observe just as you are free to ignore what women say and base your actions on what you observe.


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## indielife (Jun 17, 2015)

Confidence is of course an attractive feature in women, but it's not really that important, for me at least. Aesthetics is what it comes down to regardless of how confident she looks, at least at first glance.

Then again, the more I think about it, shy girls are more lovely than overly confident ones; shy and cute is where it's at.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

McFly said:


> That is true that men go for looks most of the time over other qualities. But I did say: "_both sexes can get confused about the character of the person they are attracted to_". Which I think covers the reverse side that men can go for the wrong person without thinking things through logically, just as women do.
> 
> I don't see why we have bury our heads in the sand and be naive to the fact that jerks get women.
> 
> Or why if someone that points out the topic they get hit back with personal attacks:


Well, seems silly for men to get upset about women dating jerks when men are doing exactly the same thing to women. And my reply to ButteredToast was no more a personal attack than his reply was. It was an obviously absurd generalization about men, just as his was an absurd generalization about women.

But I'll leave you to it. It was my mistake for butting in and derailing things and I apologize for that.


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## CosmicLow (Jun 2, 2013)

No. My type *Bold* & Shy.


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