# Opinions--Age Gap in Relationships



## BeautifulDisaster94 (Apr 6, 2015)

I'm interested in what people's opinions are about age gaps in relationships. How many years are too many? When does it go from cute to creepy? Are there exceptions? Are older males with younger females more acceptable than vise versa?

I am a 20 y.o woman dating a 30 y.o man. Our families lived in the same neighborhood when we were kids so we have known each other for as long as I have been born (lol). We have been together for 3 years now and live together as well. It never even phases me that we are ten years apart in age, although I have always been mature for my age. People tell me I look older for my age and that he looks younger than his age, so it balanced its self out! Haha. Yes, I am a full time college student finishing up my Psychology degree, but I don't party or even go out at all really.. I bar tend on the weekends and make great money doing so. I am not like most women my age I guess I would say. I am a very independent and self sufficient young woman.

I guess in my opinion it really matters on where the two people are in their lives. An immature younger person should not be dating someone who is 10 or 15 years their elder if the older person in the relationship is established as an adult and the younger person is not. It's all about where you stand in your timeline of life.

Opinions? I would love to hear them from any POV.


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## Barentin (Apr 1, 2015)

i love age gap , it's not common in our family , lol , but there are some girls i fancy who are either 20 or like 40


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## BeautifulDisaster94 (Apr 6, 2015)

I also would like to add that I am 21 next month, and we started dated when I was 18 years of age. Just to clarify any illegal things lol


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## Barentin (Apr 1, 2015)

I saw this chillean girl on tv and i guess she was young , i hope she won't mind


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## AlanK101 (Mar 17, 2015)

*Doesnt matter*

Age gaps are only an issue if one of the people is very young, If you where 18 and he was thirty that would be a little weird. If you are both consenting adults it doesn't matter. In a few years you wont even think about it.


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## inane (Oct 21, 2013)

My SO is 10 years older as well. He isn't divorced, has kids, or any kind of 30's baggage so there's been no issue for me with age difference. (He's 32 and I'm 22).

He, on the other hand, has to deal with an emotional younger woman who is having a quarter-life existential crisis. It's all "been there done that" for him. I don't have his maturity or stability, so remember when you are dating younger-

It could be the younger person who carries the baggage :no


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## PathologicalSigher (Mar 22, 2015)

Personally, I find myself most attracted to women who are either significantly older or younger than I am. For some reason, the age issue is a turn-on for me, so in an ideal relationship I'd be either younger or older than my partner. 

At my last job, I often saw clients' personal information, documents, etc. I once saw a marriage certificate and driver's licenses for a husband and wife. The woman was 28, while her husband was 51. I thought: "lucky son-of-a-b****."


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

age gaps seem perfectly fine if the male is the older one but the other way around is not as accepted. I think either is fine if both partners are able to function in their lives and get along. I'd date a girl 5 or so years older and maybe more but I don't think an older girl would be interested in me at this stage in my life.


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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

If one of them is old enough to be the parent of the other, something is really wrong with at least one of them. The younger one has at least daddy/mommy issues, the older one is a certified perv.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Doesn't matter if both are 18 and above. I would date a 60yr old grandma I don't care. If my dad was banging women my age good for him. As long as it is legal no problem. Everyone has their opinions.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Like race, I find age to be rather irrelevant. I'd rather date a much older person who is good to me than a younger person who is abusive. It's the behavior that matters, not the superficial externals.


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

LichtLune said:


> age gaps seem perfectly fine if the male is the older one but the other way around is not as accepted. I think either is fine if both partners are able to function in their lives and get along. I'd date a girl 5 or so years older and maybe more but I don't think an older girl would be interested in me at this stage in my life.


I wonder why this is, I've noticed it too. It's almost always women dating men a good deal older than them. Is it a societal stigma?


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

@TangoTiger :lol us :mushy


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## Ntln (Apr 27, 2012)

Well, I do think they're fine as long as both parties are adults. I am going to be honest though, I will never understand it. I've always wanted to date someone my age, one or two years age difference is the most I'd be willing to put up with. I just would feel so odd dating someone who had a lot more or a lot less experience in life.


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## dontwaitupforme (Feb 23, 2013)

I'm into them..


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## anomnomnom (May 28, 2013)

I don't care about them, no issue, whatever floats peoples boats as long as its all legal. I used to work with 17/18 year old girls who had boyfriends 27-32, the 17 & 32 year old seemed..a little odd for a couple but that was mostly because the 17 year old was quite an immature one at that. 

I'd probably prefer a girl younger than me because shes more likely to be at the same point in her life as I am (coz I'm bloody behind) 

Getting shacked up with a 20 year old who thinks I've got all my **** together is gonna end up with her being quite disappointed!

I mean I'm not against a woman my age or older, I just feel shes gonna be in for quite a let down once she sees where I'm at, also we get onto the whole ticking clock..bun in the oven thing which I want nothing to do with. a 30 year old whos behind in life with no desire to have kids? Thats fine where do I get one! :b


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## altghost (Jul 13, 2012)

I think it's the maturity of the person that attracts me to them. The idea that they have faced what is the future, for me, is reassuring.. even if they havent got everything figured out yet.
I dont think I would feel comfortable dating someone who looks much older than I am, though. There is a line, where they begin to resemble someone like an uncle or a teacher, instead of a SO.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Cmasch said:


> I wonder why this is, I've noticed it too. It's almost always women dating men a good deal older than them. Is it a societal stigma?


I think it's because men are expected to be the providers and usually a younger man won't have all of his ducks in a row. Where as an older 30+ man generally will.


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## Bored Alien (Feb 5, 2015)

Young chicks are hot but I'd just worry once they get older and realize how much better they could do they'd leave. Or if theyd just find a younger hot guy in college or something eventually.


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

I'll date the cute boys if those other women only want some old man junk ^_^


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## MCHB (Jan 1, 2013)

It's entirely up to the individuals involved, but based on previous negative experience, my age limit is plus or minus 3 years from my own age.


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## Josh (Apr 26, 2005)

In a Lonely Place said:


> Whatever makes people happy, none of my business really.


I agree.


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## MoveAlong91 (Jan 10, 2015)

BeautifulDisaster94 said:


> I'm interested in what people's opinions are about age gaps in relationships. How many years are too many? When does it go from cute to creepy? Are there exceptions? Are older males with younger females more acceptable than vise versa?
> 
> I am a 20 y.o woman dating a 30 y.o man. Our families lived in the same neighborhood when we were kids so we have known each other for as long as I have been born (lol). We have been together for 3 years now and live together as well. It never even phases me that we are ten years apart in age, although I have always been mature for my age. People tell me I look older for my age and that he looks younger than his age, so it balanced its self out! Haha. Yes, I am a full time college student finishing up my Psychology degree, but I don't party or even go out at all really.. I bar tend on the weekends and make great money doing so. I am not like most women my age I guess I would say. I am a very independent and self sufficient young woman.
> 
> ...


Honestly, I feel 10 years is so much. I wouldn't date someone that much older than me. Then again, men usually don't. But it's what you want.


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## Conviction07 (Aug 23, 2013)

sad vlad said:


> If one of them is old enough to be the parent of the other, something is really wrong with at least one of them. The younger one has at least daddy/mommy issues, the older one is a certified perv.


This is completely off topic but how bummed are you gonna be when your 5000 posts become 5001?


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## Sacrieur (Jan 14, 2013)

Girls tend to gravitate towards stability, so older men seem more attractive than their young and wild peers.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Mrs Salvatore said:


> I'll date the cute boys if those other women only want some old man junk ^_^


I'm with you on this.

---

I also think that women tend to assume that no significantly younger man would want them, anyway, and many don't want to deal with the judgement from society if they date a younger man. It's not the "common" thing to do, and humans are sheep.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)




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## sad vlad (Nov 9, 2013)

Conviction07 said:


> This is completely off topic but how bummed are you gonna be when your 5000 posts become 5001?


As you can see, at all.  But you seem pretty bummed after reading my post. Not my fault you can't deal with the truth. Anyway, nice to see someone is keeping track of the number of my posts. You make me feel important on this forum. Thanks.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

As long as it's legal it isn't strange at all. I tend to be attracted to younger or significantly older men/women.

The guy I'm into right now happens to be younger than me although I look younger than him so it could work.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

I don't care as long as it's legal. It's none of my business.


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## Mrs Salvatore (Mar 27, 2014)

probably offline said:


> I'm with you on this.
> 
> ---
> 
> I also think that women tend to assume that no significantly younger man would want them, anyway, and many don't want to deal with the judgement from society if they date a younger man. It's not the "common" thing to do, and humans are sheep.


There was a deleted comment in this thread that mentioned stability, and faithfulness. Those are obviously not true of all older and younger guys, but on average the older man is more likely to have his life together, be mature, and be ready to date just one woman. So those are the stereotypes that society is placing on older and younger men. I think that forms a part of why people are often judgmental when women date a younger man, I could imagine my mom asking how he'd support me, or my friends warning me each time he puts up a facebook photo of him with girls his age in it. Introducing him would always need qualifications, "he lives with his parents but he has his own car!"

I think women are often pushed to "date up." Find someone who is better than them in many ways. So dating someone when you have a better job, are further along in life, etc. can make some uneasy.


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## darkhoboelf (Mar 3, 2013)

It is up to the individual.If someone wants to date someone who is much younger or older than them,there isn't anything wrong with that.As for me,I would date someone as long as their close enough to my age that they have things in common with me.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

Mrs Salvatore said:


> There was a deleted comment in this thread that mentioned stability, and faithfulness. Those are obviously not true of all older and younger guys, but on average the older man is more likely to have his life together, be mature, and be ready to date just one woman. So those are the stereotypes that society is placing on older and younger men. I think that forms a part of why people are often judgmental when women date a younger man, I could imagine my mom asking how he'd support me, or my friends warning me each time he puts up a facebook photo of him with girls his age in it. Introducing him would always need qualifications, "he lives with his parents but he has his own car!"
> 
> *I think women are often pushed to "date up." Find someone who is better than them in many ways. So dating someone when you have a better job, are further along in life, etc. can make some uneasy.*


Yeah, it's not that long since women weren't even allowed to work, and _had _to pick a husband who could support them(with their parents approval). Even if that isn't the case anymore for the most part, in the west, it takes time for old traditional values to disappear or change fundamentally. People are often not even aware of the fact that they are controlled by these lingering "rules", since they're free, objectively speaking. The same goes for men dating older women. They often feel the pressure of being further ahead, or at least on the same level, in life(even if they _personally _don't feel threatened by a successful woman or anything like that). People will ask so many more prying questions, like you said.

Ps. It's actually not really interesting to hear what a younger person would do, though(I mean if they were to pick). I mean, they could only say that they'd date a much older person, or someone around the same age. It's not like they could date a much younger person, since that would be... a child. I guess there are some people who wont even date someone who's 2 years younger, though.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

I really don't understand the appeal of women dating men that are 10+ years older than them. Their conversations are going to be dirt poor. And its going to end up just being about the sex. I'm sorry.


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## inane (Oct 21, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> I really don't understand the appeal of women dating men that are 10+ years older than them. Their conversations are going to be dirt poor. And its going to end up just being about the sex. I'm sorry.


For me, it just happened to be that he was 10 years older. I always preferred someone around my age. We met as complete strangers and I thought he was like, 23 years old. He also just happened to be a very nice person, and mentally he may as well be 23 years old so yeah... :b

It's been 5 months and we haven't had sex yet. He still wants me to meet his mother, friends and other family. I don't know about you, but I don't think most people would be so patient if it was all about sex 

I'm also not a stereotypical younger girlfriend either in wanting him to pay for everything and buy me stuff. He's never had to pay for me financially in anyway and has never gotten me a gift.

We have like nothing in common though and I feel like an idiot with him because he is much more experienced and capable than me :sus


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## LoveMissesG (Dec 21, 2011)

I prefer older men (I'm going on 28.) They tend to be mature, financially stable & ready to settle down. Some even have wisdom ☺


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

inane said:


> For me, it just happened to be that he was 10 years older. I always preferred someone around my age. We met as complete strangers and I thought he was like, 23 years old. He also just happened to be a very nice person, and mentally he may as well be 23 years old so yeah... :b
> 
> It's been 5 months and we haven't had sex yet. He still wants me to meet his mother, friends and other family. I don't know about you, but I don't think most people would be so patient if it was all about sex
> 
> ...


My step dad is 17 years older than my mom. They have no similar interests. He's a good man and is a provider though. To each their own.

Not saying it won't work, I just arguably don't think people are happy in the long-run with someone significantly older than them.

EDIT: Like I can't imagine myself dating a 30 year old. I would be like 'hell yeah pokemon' and she would be 'what?'.


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Mrs Salvatore said:


> There was a deleted comment in this thread that mentioned stability, and faithfulness. Those are obviously not true of all older and younger guys, but on average the older man is more likely to have his life together, be mature, and be ready to date just one woman. So those are the stereotypes that society is placing on older and younger men. I think that forms a part of why people are often judgmental when women date a younger man, I could imagine my mom asking how he'd support me, or my friends warning me each time he puts up a facebook photo of him with girls his age in it. Introducing him would always need qualifications, "he lives with his parents but he has his own car!"
> 
> I think women are often pushed to "date up." Find someone who is better than them in many ways. So dating someone when you have a better job, are further along in life, etc. can make some uneasy.


I'm glad some girls are aware of women being often pushed to "date up." I think it's wise to prefer to be with someone who definitely is responsible enough to secure a future so I can't fault them. However I don't think it's hard to gauge and tell the difference someone with ambition or a lazy guy who feels entitled. You could easily observe his work ethic, his hygiene, how clean his place is, or how fit he is. Actions will always speak louder than words. Is he an overgrown entitled brat or is he fully capable of being independent enough to earn his own lot in life and go for it?

Wouldn't you agree that objectively this places a lot of pressure on men around your age, that quarter life crisis in which they're trying to transition into a mature responsible adult? My mother was a hard working single mom with two kids, we were always poor, and me and my bro still are expected to stay with her due to the sad state of the economy plus she's ill. Whenever people at work are pompous and question whether or not I'm going to move out I try to explain that in my mom's culture, it isn't regarded as taboo and families are fine sticking together yet they can't fathom.

This morning my mother's account went negative again, so she has to borrow a few hundred dollars. I only make around 20k a year yet it seems as if I'm the only one in the household able to save money at the moment. I could be selfish and move out, get a roommate, live even more frugally. I have my own car which I bought and paid for myself. I don't know what it is, yet I can't seem to get along with girls who look down on me for my situation, especially if hypothetically, were they in my shoes, they'd be in the exact same situation.

There was one girl who only has her learners and lives with her parents yet she treats me as if I'm a freakin' child, sucks cause I wouldn't mind being friends but she always pokes fun and she just doesn't relate or comprehend my situation at all... Skinny shy men generally are not taken seriously regardless of how much effort they put towards their goal. (So I feel, this is the vibe I'm getting from the consensus of the people in my immediate environment.)

I personally believe that partners who are more or less equals are able to form a stronger bond easier, due to the nature of being able to relate to each other when it comes to life's struggles. They both have something to offer the other that isn't shallow, like ideas. They're both learning together and struggling together, y'know like a mutual partnership type of thing. Or am I wrong here? I only seem to be attracted to girls in their mid 20s cause they're generally meeting that stereotype of being more practical than eighteen year-olds. Young people guys and girls who don't know the true value of a dollar, do they know how difficult it is to scrape enough money these days and purchase their own car or pay rent? I don't know, I'm hoping most eventually do, yet time will tell. I'm fully aware age doesn't necessarily signify maturity, though it's a stereotype for a reason.

No one in their teens or early twenties generally has their life together, and the fact that some more fortunate people are unable to empathize or sympathize when they should be able to, I find that disheartening. Obviously like most people, I'm drawn to befriend the hardworking guys and girls, they're more understanding when it comes to certain matters. :sigh


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

LoveMissesG said:


> I prefer older men (I'm going on 28.) They tend to be mature, financially stable & ready to settle down. Some even have wisdom ☺


But they have nose hair!


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

Ignopius said:


> I really don't understand the appeal of women dating men that are 10+ years older than them. Their conversations are going to be dirt poor. And its going to end up just being about the sex. I'm sorry.


My fiancé is about to be 30, and we talk about a variety of things.


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## LoveMissesG (Dec 21, 2011)

LolaSummers said:


> My fiancé is about to be 30, and we talk about a variety of things.


Since when is 30 an older man? I thought we were referring to men in their mid 30's to early 40's LOL


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## andy1984 (Aug 18, 2006)

its fine. +/- 10 years is ok for me. my gf is 8 years older. as long as its not a "harold and maude" type situation you're doing ok.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Ignopius said:


> I really don't understand the appeal of women dating men that are 10+ years older than them. Their conversations are going to be dirt poor. And its going to end up just being about the sex. I'm sorry.





Ignopius said:


> EDIT: Like I can't imagine myself dating a 30 year old. I would be like 'hell yeah pokemon' and she would be 'what?'.


That's some excellent projection. When I was 18, I was reading Shakespeare and Plato. Unsurprisingly, people are different.

One of my best friends, at 18, was dating her art teacher, who was in his 50s. She was the one who initiated the relationship, and she did it largely because she wasn't interested in anyone close to her own age. She found them too immature.


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## Cmasch (Jan 24, 2015)

truant said:


> That's some excellent projection. When I was 18, I was reading Shakespeare and Plato. Unsurprisingly, people are different.
> 
> One of my best friends, at 18, was dating her art teacher, who was in his 50s. She was the one who initiated the relationship, and she did it largely because she wasn't interested in anyone close to her own age. She found them too immature.


This is crazy to me, this is like the definition of living in the moment. I don't see anything wrong with the age gap itself based purely on the numbers. My hangup would be that person dying possibly at 70ish, while I'm just kind of getting started in life. That's not an age gap, it's a canyon lmao.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

LoveMissesG said:


> LolaSummers said:
> 
> 
> > My fiancé is about to be 30, and we talk about a variety of things.
> ...


Haha I still consider people in their early 40's pretty young though.


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## andy0128 (Dec 19, 2003)

I have dated older and younger women. Don't think it matters a few years either side. The older you are the less of a factor it is as well. I don't think i could do big age differences (> 10 years lets say). If I was to date a woman in her early 20s there would most likely be too great a gulf in maturity and in terms of what we both wanted out of life and vice versa if i was to date someone much older.


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## knightofdespair (May 20, 2014)

Age is just a number, but I think about 5 years either way is probably best for stability. It can work with larger gaps but it takes a lot of effort on both sides.


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## BeautifulDisaster94 (Apr 6, 2015)

Ignopius said:


> My step dad is 17 years older than my mom. They have no similar interests. He's a good man and is a provider though. To each their own.
> 
> Not saying it won't work, I just arguably don't think people are happy in the long-run with someone significantly older than them.
> 
> EDIT: Like I can't imagine myself dating a 30 year old. I would be like 'hell yeah pokemon' and she would be 'what?'.


..and this perfectly supports my argument that it really matters how mature each person in the relationship is for their age. Some 18 year olds are moved out of their parents house and living independently and living an adult life already, while some are stuck on pokemon still. To each their own.


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## To22 (Apr 6, 2012)

Age gaps raise suspicion on the relationship's merit due to tendencies that come with age. One would wonder if the relationship was balanced (not too much about sexual attraction, not too much about self identity, not too much about materialism) Beyond that, age is just age (among adults, of course).


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

LoveMissesG said:


> Since when is 30 an older man? I thought we were referring to men in their mid 30's to early 40's LOL


13 year age gap


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## UncertainMuffin (Sep 24, 2008)

If it's not an issue to you or your partner, it's not an issue. Period.  My fiance is 10 years older (I'm 25) than me and neither of us notice the gap. Once you're in your 20s and 30s anything is fine IMO. You'd be surprised how little people care.


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## Jammer25 (Feb 22, 2014)

There will always be an availability bias where people say, "Oh, but I know a couple who is 10-15 years apart and they're fine."

But more often than not, a generational gap negatively affects a relationship more than if the couple was around the same age. Things like differences in life stage, professional development and maturity all factor in.


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## Ignopius (Mar 19, 2013)

LolaSummers said:


> My fiancé is about to be 30, and we talk about a variety of things.


Well, I'm 18. And I don't think I would relate to a 30 year old very well; we would be at completely different stages of our life.


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## SummerRae (Nov 21, 2013)

&I'm 17.


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## LoveMissesG (Dec 21, 2011)

Yeah 18 & 30 are on two completely different levels. No matter how mature the 18 year old is they are still a teenager.

One is getting ready to start college, trying to find themselves, wants to party/have fun & will probably end up dating a lot of ppl.

Meanwhile the 30 year old has a career is ready to marry, start a family, clubbing days are over. 30 year olds usually have friends that are late 20's early 30's unless they are immature as hell.


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

Well, I used to be bothered about age gaps more than a year older or younger. Now... I find myself interested (and he in me) in a guy who's 23 years older than me (he's 48 and I'm 25). So I don't really mind ^^; still an odd thought though.


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## MNM2015 (Apr 11, 2015)

older men are sexy as hell... i prefer it. i am 33 and would date someone up to 55. 

problem is, they never are interested in me back  probably look childlike or something


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