# I hate my life(very long rant)



## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

I am 22 and still currently live with my mother,who treats me like complete dog sh##.

She has already told me that if I dont want to be disrespected, I need my own place.

Due to my sa, which was made worse by my abuse from her growing up, I dropped out of high school, failed out of jr college, and couldn't keep a job. I couldnt keep and create relationships or friendships.

Here I am 22 and I dont have no one to call,that I can live with until I get on my feet. She's made sure of that.last week after cursing me out(which I did not respond to her once!) She became mad when she didnt get a reaction and called extended relatives, telling them I cursed her out, repeating to them EXACTLY what she had told ME!alienating them from me so I have no one to turn to! She called me dad to further alienate him from me and said I stopped working and won't do sht with my life,and want to be supported forever, when I have 3 days off until my next shift.

Now today,again,she has used my mental health condition to make fun of me and insult me. I truly cannot take it anymore. Ive had my stuff stolen and pawned,my bank account withdrawn and closed, my car stolen,& other stuff too painful 4 me 2think about. Parents,im pretty sure, arent supposed to do everything to break down their kids self esteem and confidence,try to one up them or make sure they're a peg below them.

I hate that she made me in this position,where she disabled me to the point where I am not self sufficient at 22 and have to depend on her,while making up lies to others so I'd have no one to call for help.

I hate the position im in. The only "positive" in my life is I managed to get a pt job that im hanging on by a thread.(ive called in three times and was warned the next time I do,I wont have a job anymore.)

The housing here is too expensive. It costs $850 per month for a shoebox in a shady area that used to cost $300 in the nineties,while minimum wage hasn't changed. Not to mention first,last,and deposit. I can't afford it.

Ive called around for help with housing and the wait lists are closed and have been for years.

The one time ive tried to pack and leave(with nowhere 2 go) she got upset and said who is going to live with her. She is TOXIC.

I feel like I have no options. I am beyond depressed and miserable. I need to get out of here for my own sanity. I have zero options! I hate my life with a passion. I feel hopeless(not suicidal).

So for now I guess im just stuck. I have no clear plan to get out of this.at this point sleeping under a bench doesnt seem so bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

I'm pretty sure there has to be at least one family member that would take you in. Sorry to hear this, she sounds evil.


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## gumballhead (Jun 8, 2011)

I can really relate to you about housing costs. They're about the same here. Even people who make more than me have to struggle to come up with the $1,000 a month it costs to rent a livable home or apartment here. And people wonder why there are more adults living at home these days. I'd much rather keep paying my Mom $200 a month to live at her house, thank you very much...


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## HannahG (Aug 31, 2010)

Sorry to hear that. I'm not sure what your mother says to you but it kind of sounds a bit like verbal & emotional abuse. If that is the case, if I were you, I'd contact places like social services and ask if there are resources for adults who are in your situation. I know here in Ontario, Canada we have things like ODSP which can (sometimes) allow someone with anxiety (as long as its documented) to get $ every month, kind of like welfare.

I have a good friend who has anxiety since she was 12 and there were TONS of medical documents to prove she has anxiety and that's why she couldn't hold down any of her jobs. Mind you, it still took over a year for them to approve her...

Social services though should be able to refer you to the places that can assist adults living in (if that's the case) abusive situations or affordable housing. Hopefully there are more options out there than you think. 

I do however, relate to you about the shoebox apartment. Mine is $750 a month, built in the 50's, has heating/plumbing issues... but the cheaper places are seriously $650 a month (the lowest) unless you want to live in a house on campus. Me + 4 other people 10 years younger, on campus (when I'm not in school)? Awkward.... I used to live just off campus in a small house and there were parties till 3am literally 5 nights a week from the students that lived down the road. That would not do well for trying to work every day. It was hard enough to sleep with that noise. Seriously, the constant visit by the cops never helped lower the volume and I had to deal with broken glass all over the streets. I can't do that again. But yeah, basically I'm in the best apartment I can afford without it being a crack den and the next price range jumps to $850. There's nothing between $750-850 in my city and with rent increasing every year and my company having a wage freeze for the past few years... well, I'm not moving any time soon.

Anyways, I know our subsidized housing in this city has an 8 year waiting list but maybe you live in a city that may have a much much shorter one? 

As far as your controlling mother goes, the only other thing I would suggest is to try to just throw her insults back at her. Meaning, if she calls you names, just go "Thanks mom, I really appreciate the abuse" or "You want to know why I don't have a job? Because Growing up with you calling me those things actually makes me feel like I can't do anything so if you want someone to blame, blame yourself". 

Of course these are things I always think up after the fact but maybe if you go over them a lot to yourself, maybe you would say them when she's attacking you...

In any case, good luck and I hope you're able to get into a better situation soon.


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## dreamloss (Oct 28, 2013)

HannahG said:


> As far as your controlling mother goes, the only other thing I would suggest is to try to just throw her insults back at her. Meaning, if she calls you names, just go "Thanks mom, I really appreciate the abuse" or "You want to know why I don't have a job? Because Growing up with you calling me those things actually makes me feel like I can't do anything so if you want someone to blame, blame yourself".
> 
> Of course these are things I always think up after the fact but maybe if you go over them a lot to yourself, maybe you would say them when she's attacking you...


omg those are really good lmao. Mauve, if you use them please let us know how she reacts xD


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## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

Kevin001 said:


> I'm pretty sure there has to be at least one family member that would take you in. Sorry to hear this, she sounds evil.


Thanks for the sympathy,but unfortunately I literally have no one..my stepmom is my mom 2.0 and my dad lets her disrespect me,so going to his house would be another problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

gumballhead said:


> I can really relate to you about housing costs. They're about the same here. Even people who make more than me have to struggle to come up with the $1,000 a month it costs to rent a livable home or apartment here. And people wonder why there are more adults living at home these days. I'd much rather keep paying my Mom $200 a month to live at her house, thank you very much...


I totally get it. The housing costs are ridiculous. There are many homes with multiple generations living together,and every few years it keeps going up smh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

HannahG said:


> Sorry to hear that. I'm not sure what your mother says to you but it kind of sounds a bit like verbal & emotional abuse. If that is the case, if I were you, I'd contact places like social services and ask if there are resources for adults who are in your situation. I know here in Ontario, Canada we have things like ODSP which can (sometimes) allow someone with anxiety (as long as its documented) to get $ every month, kind of like welfare.
> 
> I have a good friend who has anxiety since she was 12 and there were TONS of medical documents to prove she has anxiety and that's why she couldn't hold down any of her jobs. Mind you, it still took over a year for them to approve her...
> 
> ...


The waiting list last opened in 2009,and has been closed since...I called and asked about its next opening,they dont know...here,you have to go on a waiting list,waiting to get on the actual waiting list lol..smh. im thinking of cleaning out my account and selling my things to move somewhere with an open waiting list,and just staying in a shelter or sleeping in my car until I get accepted. Idk.

I'd love to throw insults lol but I know this will escalate things tremendously...id just try to block her out and go somewhere else mentally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

Is there a way to multi quote on mobile?

Well an overall update im pretty sure im out of a job. I had no gas and my mom was parked behind me so I wouldnt be able to get out anyways. I asked her to drop me off,she said ok.

I was supposed to start at 10, and she wanted to go to church,which starts at 12. My job is only 10 min away. For some reason she wanted to get ready for church at the time I was supposed to go to work. I asked her if she could just drop me off,since church didnt start until 12.(she never usually gets ready before 11am.) Nope. So by the time we leave the house im already late. This would be my third strike,and since I was a new employee on probation still,id be automatically fired. So why bother showing up? Sigh. Another failure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

MauveButterfly said:


> Thanks for the sympathy,but unfortunately I literally have no one..my stepmom is my mom 2.0 and my dad lets her disrespect me,so going to his house would be another problem.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:hug.....I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I really hope things change for you.


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## Swagonite (Jun 24, 2014)

enlist in the military active duty they will take care of you and be your new family since the current one you have sucks


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## MauveButterfly (Sep 19, 2015)

Thanks for the replies everyone. Ill look into those things you mentioned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Voss105 (Sep 15, 2011)

Buy a tape recorder or a hidden camera and record her treating you like that. That way you can prove to your extended relatives that she's full of ****. That's the first piece of advice I could think of.


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## 7th.Streeter (May 11, 2011)

Kevin001 said:


> :hug.....I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I really hope things change for you.


Same here... But man your mom sounds like a female dog(no offense)

You're not a slacker and trying real hard...

Oh hey, have you thought abt going on dorm...just for a semester ( even if you're already out of school or not really going) just to have a piece of mind for a minute and give you time to ...think about what you want T do..?

I really hope everything works out


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## swh (May 19, 2015)

Dont hate life, it sucks though, just passing time until i die


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## sighsigh (Nov 9, 2010)

I'm really sorry.  

And you're absolutely correct that you deserve unconditional support from your parents. Children should always have that right, no matter how old they are. My mother's support (and my father's) is basically the only thing that has kept me alive through my depression.


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## Charleyy (Oct 8, 2012)

I can relate with having a toxic mother who even uses your mental illness against you in a fight. You mentioned that when she was yelling at you, you didn't swear back or anything. Which should be a positive thing--but trust me, it's not. Even if you sit there in silence, you will still get horrid things shouted at you. You need to stand up for yourself. Like another poster said, use her words against her. "Oh, so I'm a ___? Does that make you feel good calling me that? Using my illness against me?" If you just parrot what she says if won't give her any ammunition to use against you and it might make her realise her harshness. It worked with my mum lol


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## Charmander (Sep 5, 2012)

MauveButterfly said:


> Thanks for the replies everyone. Ill look into those things you mentioned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is the job situation now?


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## theotherone (Sep 1, 2015)

Voss105 said:


> Buy a tape recorder or a hidden camera and record her treating you like that. That way you can prove to your extended relatives that she's full of ****. That's the first piece of advice I could think of.


if i did that...... everyone would hate my mom


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