# Would you date an ugly person who was highly intelligent?



## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Could you get involved with someone you found intellectually stimulating that challenged you, but did not find to be physically attractive for whatever reason?


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## little toaster (Jul 5, 2012)

If she got plastic surgery or something, then maybe.

I can't date someone if I'm not attracted to her physically.


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## Josh2323 (Aug 26, 2012)

I'll be honest probably not.


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## kast (Nov 22, 2012)

Well, no. I might think your idea of ugly is beauty and vice versa, but if _I personally_ don't find them physically attractive, why pursue anything more than a friendship? It's unfair for both people involved. I would friend the sh*t out of them though. I love intellectually stimulating people.


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## DGenerationX (May 21, 2012)

Naturally i want to be friend with everyone i enjoy the company,
but to date that person, the attraction is indispensable imho


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## dair (Jan 23, 2013)

I had a friend that I wasn't attracted to at first, but I got to know her and found out she was really smart and challenged me and I started to like her physically. So yes I would, but I would need to spend time with them first and see if I like their personality.


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I can't have sex with someone I find unattractive.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

komorikun said:


> I can't have sex with someone I find unattractive.


/thread


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## DGenerationX (May 21, 2012)

its good to know no one voted "only if they could advance my career"


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## mca90guitar (Sep 12, 2012)

If it could help me get a good job then I guess. Then again I change my answer. Probably wouldnt keep the job when who ever hired me found out a used her and dumped her, damn.

No If im not physically attracted to her then im not going to date her. Could be friends though


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

How much money does she have?


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

As others have said, if the attraction isn't there, you're missing the whole thing that separates a friend from a romantic partner. I realize in our society that people who refuse to date others based on looks are deemed "shallow," but I'm not apologetic about holding physical attraction to be a very important factor (not equal to intellectual/emotional attraction, but important nonetheless), or about refusing to date anyone who I wouldn't want to get physical with. I mean, the person doesn't really have to be a knockout or anything like that, but ugly? No.


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

Rejecting someone because you have no physical attraction to them does not make you shallow.


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

Accepting somebody just because you're desperate is pretty shallow. And makes you an *** hole of a person probably.

Rejecting somebody you are not attracted to is normal, people do it all the time. 



Also lol SAS


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## diamondheart89 (Mar 21, 2011)

I wouldn't date anyone I personally found unattractive.


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## lonelyjew (Jan 20, 2010)

a pers0n said:


> Accepting somebody just because you're desperate is pretty shallow. And makes you an *** hole of a person probably.


Yeah... I actually know a guy who is in that situation right now, and the worst thing is that the guy is prone to blurting out stupid crap, and has basically let it out to his GF that he does not find her physically attractive (he's not an *******, he just has a very bad filter when he gets nervous/embarrassed). Now, she's not completely hideous, but she's pretty big, and she clearly has self esteem issues, so you can only imagine what happened when this came out (more than once!). The saddest thing about it is that I'd imagine if she had any self respect, and wasn't desperate herself, she'd have broken up with him once this came out but they're still together.... Oh well, he's a nice guy who treats her very well most of the time, in spite of the stupid gaffes, and she's really cool, so maybe they'll be happy yet.


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## TheTraveler (Jan 31, 2013)

no. been there done that. highly intelligent people are so damn stuck up, rude and belittle those who arent on par. they are the worst sector of human being.


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

lonelyjew said:


> Yeah... I actually know a guy who is in that situation right now, and the worst thing is that the guy is prone to blurting out stupid crap, and has basically let it out to his GF that he does not find her physically attractive (he's not an *******, he just has a very bad filter when he gets nervous/embarrassed). Now, she's not completely hideous, but she's pretty big, and she clearly has self esteem issues, so you can only imagine what happened when this came out (more than once!). The saddest thing about it is that I'd imagine if she had any self respect, and wasn't desperate herself, she'd have broken up with him once this came out but they're still together.... Oh well, he's a nice guy who treats her very well most of the time, in spite of the stupid gaffes, and she's really cool, so maybe they'll be happy yet.


Sounds like a scarily unhealthy relationship. Wtf would somebody even stick with that for :/. People do strange things when they're desperate. [Source: Every SAS thread]


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

a pers0n said:


> People do strange things when they're desperate. [Source: Every SAS thread]


Hey watch what you say. That sounds like a very disingenuous and judgmental comment.


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

Aces_Shy said:


> Hey watch what you say. That sounds like a very disingenuous and judgmental comment.


:lol

...Sorry, I should be more genuine and accept my flaws


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

a pers0n said:


> :lol
> 
> ...Sorry, I should be more genuine and accept my flaws


Good luck. You have enough of them!


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## James_Russell (Aug 26, 2011)

Aces_Shy said:


> Good luck. You have enough of them!












I've got my eye on you...


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## General Specific (Mar 4, 2008)

a pers0n said:


> I've got my eye on you...


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## monotonous (Feb 1, 2013)

intelligence is never a turn on to me, i mean smart that's different


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## komorikun (Jan 11, 2009)

I was attracted to my 2nd boyfriend and he had a pretty good personality but the sex was rather disappointing. Quite a few times after getting drunk, I'd tell him I wanted to break up. Then I'd have to deal with the repercussions the next day.


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## HustleRose (Jun 19, 2009)

My professors are incredibly smart and stimulate me intellectually, but I'm not gonna go date any one of them...

I want a little bit more substance in a relationship than just an "incredibly smart guy," regardless of how attractive/unattractive he is.


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

Nope at least not for intimate stuff......

as a "buddy" if the person in question is also funny and active in life why not ? Otherwise highly intelligent ppl. might also be stuck up and arrogant, so better an "average" clever one like myself


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## Nexus777 (Dec 1, 2012)

komorikun said:


> I can't have sex with someone I find unattractive.


Whow seems ur obsessed with sex


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## Nekomata (Feb 3, 2012)

There must need to be something I like the look of appearance wise, otherwise it would just seem like the other person is just an intelligent friend and nothing more.


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## SilentLyric (Aug 20, 2012)

they don't have to be incredibly hot, but ugly, I would not date.


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## soulless (Dec 18, 2010)

If she was intelligent and a lovely kind personality then I could probably fall for her somewhat.


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## Emerald3 (Sep 17, 2009)

Why would you date someone that you weren't attracted to? Surely that's just a close friendship.


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## TobeyJuarez (May 16, 2012)

no, theyd probably intimidate me with their smartiness lol...


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

I can't answer, because its more complicated than that I fall for personality, I get that looks are probably a part of it subconciously but I fall for the guy that makes me laugh and that is just a little bit flirty and pays attention to me. That's what gets me its not about them being super smart, or super hot. 

On the flip side if a guy was incredibly good looking but was a little on the slow side I'd probably have a hard time making the relationship work. I don't expect a college grad, I'm not that superficial but I have to be able to converse with the person.


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

Yes, I always crushed a bit my most smart teachers, that sucks, but whatever lol.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Ancient thread, but no, those aren't the only two attributes I am looking for, so I wouldn't consider them alone. I have to find them physically attractive (that can develop, tho), they do need a reasonable amount of intelligence, they need to be patient, kind, and not too insane, I think. Probably a bunch of other stuff too. 

Intelligence on its own in someone who I didn't find physically attractive at all, what would be the point? I mean that would be a friendship right? Because for intimacy there needs to be attraction.

It's like saying "would you date someone of the sex you weren't attracted to?" no, obviously not.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

I wouldn't date most attractive people, or unattractive people, and some people think the people I'm attracted to are ugly. I find intelligence attractive though.


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## jolene23 (Nov 23, 2017)

Yes, if he's smart and I find him interesting. But good-looking person may have advantage


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Like asking if you have to put gas in your car or if you can use milk instead.


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## farfegnugen (Aug 16, 2010)

Weird, I have no recall of ever posting this. But I've always liked women that are smarter than I am


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## Sus y (Aug 30, 2017)

farfegnugen said:


> Weird, I have no recall of ever posting this. But I've always liked women that are smarter than I am


How do you know if they are? use a smart test? random common sense? street smartness?
Also, I'm wondering did you forgot you are ugly? :O or you aren't anymore? I'm assuming you are the ugly smart one, but I could be wrong lol.


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## sand900 (Jan 8, 2018)

If they have a good personality, I wouldn't mind


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## discoveryother (Sep 18, 2016)

i voted yes, but a little confused what physical attraction means... i can be psychologically attracted to someone without being attracted to someone's physical nature. i can be attracted to their behaviour. behaviour can be pretty sexy. they can make me feel good without being eye candy i mean. all i really want is to feel good.


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## greentea33 (Mar 4, 2014)

I would date an ugly dummy if I liked them.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Intelligence is extremely hard to define. Some people are highly creative and spontaneous, some people are rigidly calculated and logical, some people are witty, etc. 

Some people have good clarity of thought, but they don't use it for anything. I don't care how high they score on an IQ test, someone who buys tabloid magazines and watches TMZ is not getting my vote...

If we're using the word intelligence loosely, then I guess I would definitely value an ugly person who was socially aware, curious, creative, expressive, etc. over a pretty person who was completely vapid.


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## Amphoteric (Sep 11, 2011)

No, I wouldn't date someone who I considered ugly. Physical attraction does matter.


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## Overdrive (Sep 19, 2015)

^ same


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## Rhythmbat (Jan 6, 2018)

yes. i do prefer a highly intelligent conversation anytime.


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## Tezcatlipoca (Dec 9, 2017)

Yes, but I have a requirement. They have to be a meditator/someone I find beautiful on the inside/spiritually beautiful. I remember a girl who was an engineering student who wasn't the most beautiful woman and I would have dated her because she saw something nice in me that I liked. I could think of another who attended MIT that I liked, but she was a lesbian. I think as long as she accepted herself and was confident in my affections that would be okay.


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

If she's a hacker or works on AI yes.
If she's in interesting sciences, like cosmology or particle physics then yes, but if she's not very ugly.
If she's in lame sciences then no.
If she isn't in any science and is just smart, I guess it depends on her other personality traits as well as the degree of her ugliness and what she's doing with her intelligence.

(PS: If they're working on a fully functional Artificial Intelligence I wouldn't mind their gender either. I'll suck dick for AI.)


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## Skygrinder (Nov 30, 2017)

I'm very weird when it comes to physical attraction, which responses from other people on this thread confirm even more for me. It seems like most people look at the whole picture (all facial features and all body parts), but for me, it's not like that at all. A girl could have nice eyes and that alone would attract me because I would fixate on that one thing that appeals to me (If it was just that one thing). Usually, I can find a couple of things on a girl like this that will attract me and I'm good to go.

This is why I don't care about physical appearance very much. I know there will be something on a person that I will like physically. Add on top of this that beauty is fleeting and at that point, I just don't care about physical appearance almost at all.

Now I also wouldn't be in a relationship with a woman that is *too intelligent* for *me* actually. I would feel way too inferior to function properly around her and she would also probably be in the company of a lot smarter men as her friends than I am, which would probably destroy me, even if she 100% loved me and didn't care about that stuff at all. I would be miserable in that kind of relationship.

The most important thing to me is that the person is kind to me and makes me feel safe being in the relationship. I have trust issues in relationships, which I need to work on myself, but if the girl behaves in a way that makes it easier for me, I can appreciate that and develop stronger feelings for her.

*tl;dr: Yes, but not TOO intelligent to a point where I can't even comprehend what she's talking about in most of her conversations with other people.*

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind learning something new to make a relationship work, I'm not talking about something small here. I'm saying if she's so ahead that I would need years and years of education to understand her completely. Not only would that be a pass for me, it would be a major turn off (sexually), even if she was physically the most beautiful woman on the planet.

To be honest, what world considers to be the most beautiful woman is probably not going to work for me anyway. Those perfect-looking girls (models and celebrities) do nothing for me, lol. I don't know how that works, though. It could be because they're simply out of reach and my brain simply doesn't even consider them?

I know some people become obsessed with celebrities, even fall in love and fantasize about them. I never experienced anything like that and I don't understand how it's even possible for people.

Went a bit off-topic, sorry. xD


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## Virgo (Jun 27, 2016)

No. This kind of suggests that an intelligent person is inherently a turn-on or requirement for people, which it is definitely not for me. I don't look at intelligence at all. A requirement for me is that they are just a good and genuine person. So the give and take thing in this scenario does not work for me at all. Since I don't necessarily value intelligence, then why would I go with someone who I am unattracted to?

But also yes as everyone else stated already, some sort of physical attraction _is_ necessary.


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## Scrub-Zero (Feb 9, 2004)

Takes more than that to win me over.


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## Lohikaarme (Aug 28, 2013)

"only if they could advance my career" Lol that's cold man.


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## Evo1114 (Dec 9, 2012)

In theory, yes, but I would never foresee myself ever asking somebody out if I didn't find them somewhat attractive. But I'm sure I've dated some girls that most of the rest of the world probably wouldn't have considered 'attractive'. That's the good thing about being a hermit...I don't have any pressure on me to impress people who have no business nosing in my stuffs.


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## roxslide (Apr 12, 2011)

Intelligence and attractiveness are definitely important, however those are not the only two requirements for me. Compatibility of personality/interests is probably the most important to me. I have met many intelligent people that I admire or respect their intelligence however their emotional IQ is very low and I intensely dislike their personality.

I would not date a very attractive person or a very intelligent person or even someone who has both if I didn't like their personality or if all their interests alienated me. Depending on people's personalities people can become more attractive to me.


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## mindfullescape (Dec 29, 2017)

farfegnugen said:


> Could you get involved with someone you found intellectually stimulating that challenged you, but did not find to be physically attractive for whatever reason?


Yes. I've been asking myself that question a lot recently. Met a guy with a great personality with a mindset that challenges me. I find that very intriguing. In terms of looks, he's not totally the best good looking guy that every girls wants, which is fine. I wouldn't want to date a man that everyone wants. I'd probably be very insecure especially in the beginning of the relationship. However, I feel that you need both beauty and brains. It wouldn't feel right for me to be with someone who only had one without the other. You can have brains with a nasty personality; and thats unattractive.

_*Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty captures the attention. Personality captures the heart. *_


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## lostforlife (May 17, 2017)

Well people have different ideas of whom they find physically attractive or not and personally I would have to answer no on this one because I need to be attracted to someone both physically and to their personality for it to work in the long run. And i'm not a big fan of highly intellectual people anyway lol, they seem boring and like they'd probably wanna talk about politics and stuff that I don't care about.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

lostforlife said:


> Well people have different ideas of whom they find physically attractive or not and personally I would have to answer no on this one because I need to be attracted to someone both physically and to their personality for it to work in the long run. And i'm not a big fan of highly intellectual people anyway lol, they seem boring and like they'd probably wanna talk about politics and stuff that I don't care about.


Your avatar is awesome, and I'm eternally bummed that I'll never get to see Nirvana live.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

No. I used to think that intelligence is the most important thing in a person. I've changed my opinion since then. I find it one of the least important now, and physical appearance took its place as #1.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

Apparently, I am a very poor judge of "ugly" versus "attractive". Allow me to explain. I look at people (especially celebrities) who are supposed to be attractive and I wonder what the *** happened to the public perception of "attractive" that made that the standard of what's attractive. 

And this has changed. 50 years ago, attractive celebrities were actually attractive. They were normal looking people who were just really attractive for normal looking people. For example, I actually knew a kid growing up who looked like Elvis Presley could have been his father. I knew people who looked like people who were on TV because the people on TV were normal looking. I don't know anyone who looks like Kim Kardashian. Not because she's just that attractive. It's because she's just that odd looking in a not natural way. 

Now you've got celebs who have weird looking fake lips and fake chins and cheeks and boobs and even fake butts (that look it) and no eyebrows and no pores in their skin and I wonder what happened. Were they born or manufactured? They look like blowup dolls. 

Anyway, I seem to have a weird perception of who's attractive. I'm often attracted to people who have normal lips and no chin implants or fake body parts. I'm often attracted to people who have visible pores and a few pimples and crooked noses or big ears. My dissatisfaction with the standards for what is attractive has led me down the sad path of being attracted to people who look extraordinarily ordinary and hate themselves for it. So when they become aware that someone likes the way they look, they're actually insulted and start to believe they're ugly. 

Anyway, smart people are attractive as long as they aren't conceited about it. There's a difference between confident (which is attractive) and obnoxious (which usually isn't).


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## noonecares (Oct 12, 2017)

Of Course, sounds too shallow to date someone based on physical attraction


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## lostforlife (May 17, 2017)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Your avatar is awesome, and I'm eternally bummed that I'll never get to see Nirvana live.


Thanks! and same. :frown2:


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