# There is nothing wrong with being single



## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

The way I see some of you write about being single makes it seem like you're suffering from starvation. Sure, we all want to be in a great relationship with someone, but guess what? Most relationships suck. That's a fact, most of them end, very few of them survive till the very end. Just because you see 2 people together does not mean that they are happy. Sure they have some good times, but they often have a lot of bad times.

Take me, for example, I went out with a girl for years in college. It was mostly good times, I always had someone to hang out with, never had to worry about being alone any given night, always had someone for Valentines, B-days, New Years....but guess what? We broke up a couple years ago and now we don't talk anymore. She is the kind of selfish person who only cared about me when we were together, but once we broke up, she gradually stopped caring about me. So what do I get out of it today? Nothing, except for a few memories, and now it's tainted because I don't even like her anymore, so really there's not much to take away from it.

Atleast when you're single, you get to do anything you want. You're free as a bird. Nobody is wasting your time or bogging you down. This is the time to enjoy your life. To enjoy trying something new everyday.


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## PGVan (May 22, 2004)

Strength said:


> Take me, for example, I went out with a girl for years in college.


No offence, but this is a big reason why your opinion is what it is.

I'm almost 23 and I've never touched a girl. Period. I am no longer capable of enjoying being alone. Forget being single, I am alone. It would be one thing if it was a choice being single, but it's not. I can't just get up and ask a girl out, and I'm not even close to being the only guy who shuts down mentally in the presence of females. I am so inept at picking up "signals" that a girl could start unzipping my pants and I would have no idea what is going on.

Telling yourself that most relationships suck is your way of getting over your own relationship that didn't last.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

I'm sorry, but this post is probably gonna get bombarded with opposition...starting with me.

I respect your opinion on being single, I really do, but some of us _are_ "starving" from lack of emotional and physical intimacy. Some people here have never even _been_ in a romantic relationship, and can't even begin to fathom why anyone would relish their solitude. Because loneliness is all they know. You may claim that relationships suck, but they're what you make them to be. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? In most cases, yes. Some people just need to be more cautious when choosing a partner, because not all relationships take away your freedom or ability to try something new everyday. In fact, they can have the complete opposite effect; they can liberate us from all our fears and allow us to live life to the fullest. It just takes time and effort to find the right person. It's worth all the tainted memories and broken hearts when you finally do.


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## Eraserhead (Sep 23, 2006)

Strength said:


> Take me, for example, I went out with a girl for years in college. It was mostly good times, I always had someone to hang out with, never had to worry about being alone any given night, always had someone for Valentines, B-days, New Years....


That actually sounds pretty damn appealing.

You definitely have a point though, when you say there are advantages to being single and problems with being in a relationship. But until you actually *experience *a relationship firsthand, it's almost impossible to understand that. When you can't have something, naturally you'll imagine it as something amazing and worth yearning for.


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Restless Mind said:


> I'm sorry, but this post is probably gonna get bombarded with opposition...starting with me.
> 
> I respect your opinion on being single, I really do, but some of us _are_ "starving" from lack of emotional and physical intimacy. Some people here have never even _been_ in a romantic relationship, and can't even begin to fathom why anyone would relish their solitude. Because loneliness is all they know. You may claim that relationships suck, but they're what you make them to be. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? In most cases, yes. Some people just need to be more cautious when choosing a partner, because not all relationships take away your freedom or ability to try something new everyday. In fact, they can have the complete opposite effect; they can liberate us from all our fears and allow us to live life to the fullest. It just takes time and effort to find the right person. It's worth all the tainted memories and broken hearts when you finally do.


Well said. Actually, I used to love being single and at one time I told people I don't want a boyfriend. It's gotten to the point where I would love to be in a relationship again and be with someone who truly loves me. My last serious relationship was 6 years ago. Since then I've dated and I have someone who fulfills me sexually, but that's not everything. I want so much more. I know relationships aren't perfect and things can go wrong, but it's all about cherishing the good times.

I realize there are some people here who haven't been with anyone at all and I can't blame them for feeling like they need that experience.


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## njodis (Nov 8, 2006)

Frankly, this thread pisses me off. I always feel like a tool for whining about this, but I agree with pretty much everything people said in response to this thread. Something like 1/2 the people on this board have never even been kissed before. How can someone possibly enjoy that feeling? To know there's something so screwed up with you that you can't even experience something that nearly every person with their lower face still attached has no problem with? Honestly, with all due respect, I don't think you can possibly understand how it feels to be in this situation unless you've been there yourself.

I guess if I came out of a bad breakup I might feel the same way as you. Do you know how many people would kill for something like you described? I can almost guarantee you that anyone on this board that has never been in a relationship would rather be in your shoes. It almost seems like you're trying to convince yourself that your failed relationship doesn't bother you anymore.

I guess you were trying to help, but the people you're targetting with this thread are not going to agree with you at all.


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## SusanStorm (Oct 27, 2006)

No,there isn't anything wrong to be single,but to think that most relationships are going to be bad anyway so why bother?Well..

I can only speak from my experience and I have had one relationship and it ended..Ok,but some relationships aren't meant to be and thats that..Anyway in a good relationship things aren't easy all the time either,you have to work with that too and happy couples also have fights ..
I think to find that one person you don't alway find him/her at the first try..

And I don't think people here who have never been in a relationship care if they are free as a bird,because they just want to find someone to love..Don't we all anyway..


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## Classified (Dec 7, 2004)

If you are single and have never been in a relationship, there is something wrong and it isn't fun. And even having a girl that is a friend would be a great thing.

Once you have been in a relationship, I'm sure that being able to do what you want, when you want, and not worrying about anyone else would be a good thing. But, I'm sure that you will try and get into another relationship in the future. 

While I did save $100 yesterday by not buying anything, the emotional damage from being alone and knowing that most couples are happy isn't worth it.


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## replica (Dec 22, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Njodis said:


> Frankly, this thread pisses me off. I always feel like a tool for whining about this, but I agree with pretty much everything people said in response to this thread. Something like 1/2 the people on this board have never even been kissed before. How can someone possibly enjoy that feeling? To know there's something so screwed up with you that you can't even experience something that nearly every person with their lower face still attached has no problem with? Honestly, with all due respect, I don't think you can possibly understand how it feels to be in this situation unless you've been there yourself.
> 
> I guess if I came out of a bad breakup I might feel the same way as you. Do you know how many people would kill for something like you described? I can almost guarantee you that anyone on this board that has never been in a relationship would rather be in your shoes. It almost seems like you're trying to convince yourself that your failed relationship doesn't bother you anymore.
> 
> I guess you were trying to help, but the people you're targetting with this thread are not going to agree with you at all.


Too right Njodis


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## Woody (Nov 16, 2003)

...


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## Zephyr (Nov 8, 2003)

PGVan said:


> Strength said:
> 
> 
> > Take me, for example, I went out with a girl for years in college.
> ...


Haha, so true with me too. If that ever happened to me, I guarantee my first thought would be, "wow, she must really like my zipper!" :roll



> If you are single and have never been in a relationship, there is something wrong


Really? Nah.


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## Nae (Nov 10, 2003)

we're social animals that need companionship and having a complete lack of intimacy _hurts._


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## SunLite (Jan 4, 2005)

You can rationalize it anyway you want

There is nothing wrong with being single
You can be with whoever you want and develop those relationships however you want. You can get close to people have physical intimacy emotional intimacy everything and theres no big monogamy.
There are no rules but you can get what YOU want. 

There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship
You can be with someone and have total unconditional love for them. You can truely get to know eachother on a DEEP level and have a closeness that you have with no one else. You want the best for her and she wants the best for you and that's what makes it so special.

What do YOU want though?


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



SunLite said:


> You can rationalize it anyway you want
> 
> There is nothing wrong with being single
> You can be with whoever you want and develop those relationships however you want. You can get close to people have physical intimacy emotional intimacy everything and theres no big monogamy.
> There are no rules but you can get what YOU want.


Ehh... I think most people here that are single and want a relationship feel alone and are not single as in "now i can flirt with alot of people like in Sex And The City single"....

Ofcourse it's ok to be single. Many people are. The problem is if you're a grown up person that is not asexual and you have never been in a relationship but you want to. Then there are mental obstacles that you have to overcome.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Carbon Breather said:


> Ehh... I think most people here that are single and want a relationship feel alone and are not single as in "now i can flirt with alot of people like in Sex And The City single"....


Hm, that's actually what I'm getting at. If you are single you can meet people the way they do in Sex and the City. Do you think a guy like George Clooney cares that he has been without a gf for 10 years? Anyone can get a significant other if you just meet people, be comfortable with yourself, and show them your personality.

I'm not saying relationships are bad. I prefer being in a great relationship over being single, but I'm just saying a lot of relationships are not that great, and it's not that bad being single. I never had a gf throughout all of high school, I know how it feels to want one, I'm just saying most relationships are not a magic pill to happiness.

I get the feeling that a lot of you want to be in a relationship so that the other person "saves" you. In that old saying "you must love yourself, before you can love another", it's very true. (1) If you love yourself, you are not desperate, and other people will find you more attractive when they meet you and (2) The relationship will be a lot more healthy if you are not dependent/clingy on the other person.

It's a matter of perspective. Today I went to the mall, and there were pretty girls everywhere. I felt great being single.

We all choose whether we have a significant other, or not. If we have SA, it might be harder, but it's still your choice. For example, as an analogy, some people have better metabolism than others, but anyone can be fit if they go to the gym and diet properly. Just because a person has slow metabolism shouldn't be used as an excuse not to exercise. You really have the choice of getting what you want!


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Strength said:


> Carbon Breather said:
> 
> 
> > Ehh... I think most people here that are single and want a relationship feel alone and are not single as in "now i can flirt with alot of people like in Sex And The City single"....
> ...


You can't use George Clooney as an example, that's ridiculous. He has no problem getting chicks.

You act like it's so easy for people here to just go out and mingle and show their personality. We're trying to get to the point where we can actually do that. It sounds like you have no problem with it and that's good. Consider yourself lucky.

I honestly understand where you're coming from saying it's ok to be single, but you're seriously preaching to the wrong choir.

We all choose whether we have a significant other or not? I think not. If it was that damn simple, I'd have someone already. Finding someone you connect with, someone who actually understands you and loves you is more difficult than "going to the gym and dieting properly". Give me a break.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying it is still up to you. 

Just because something is more difficult for you compared to someone else, doesn't mean that it is impossible. I'm sure it is way easier for a naturally outgoing person to talk to someone than it is for me to go up to someone, but it's still my choice to push myself.


Edit add:

I'm not trying to annoy anyone with this thread. I was just trying to share another perspective.


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## Gerard (Feb 3, 2004)

I don't mind. All I know is that I know what I like and I'll approach when I find her. Shanti crush, already taken. Ecology teacher, too old. Everyone else a turn off. :sigh


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

I know it's not impossible and I'm a firm believer in at least trying. I know there are others who suffer from SA more severely than I do.
I've been on dates even though it causes me anxiety, but I do ok in one-on-one situations.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Strength said:


> Carbon Breather said:
> 
> 
> > Ehh... I think most people here that are single and want a relationship feel alone and are not single as in "now i can flirt with alot of people like in Sex And The City single"....
> ...


Wow... I think i disagree with 90% of that. I don't understand why you mentioned George C. If we were comfortable with ourselves we wouldn't post here. I don't feel great when i see pretty girls, i don't connect with most people, even if theyre pretty. What the hell has being fit to do with relationships etc.. I've been fit my whole life and i don't look that bad. Attraction is more than looks. We do not choose to be single. I think being in the right social circle is more important than your will to be in a relationship.........Oh . and i also think that old "you must love yourself" is complete BS....


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Strange Religion said:


> Since then I've dated and I have someone who fulfills me sexually, but that's not everything. I want so much more.


I think you have to decide what you want. I've never met someone with a FB that wanted a relationship. Either they wanted their FB as a partner or they didn't want a relationship at all. I mean if i met a girl and she says like " oh ... is this serious? then i have to say no to this guy i'm sleeping with" then i would walk away quickly.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Carbon Breather said:


> Wow... I think i disagree with 90% of that...If we were comfortable with ourselves we wouldn't post here. I don't feel great when i see pretty girls...
> Oh . and i also think that old "you must love yourself" is complete BS


When I say you should love yourself, that means being comfortable with yourself. When a person is comfortable with himself/herself, they like who they are.

And the getting fit thing was just an analogy, I should have made that more clear. I was just trying to show that in anything in life, it is easier for certain people, but that shouldn't stop someone else from doing it as well. In that analogy I meant that if a person is fat, they shouldn't just give up; it might be harder for them to lose weight but they still could. In dating, it might be harder for someone with SA, but it's still very possible.


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## quiet_one (Jun 14, 2006)

I agree with Strength, although it looks like I'm the only one who does, lol.


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## Restless Mind (Jul 19, 2006)

Strength said:


> I get the feeling that a lot of you want to be in a relationship so that the other person "saves" you.


Just in time/I found you just in time/Before you came, my time was running low/I was lost/The losing dice were tossed/My bridges all crossed/Nowhere to go/Now you're here and now I know just where I'm going/No more doubt or fear/I've found my way/For love came just in time/You found me just in time/And changed my lonely life.

-Nina Simone



Strength said:


> In that old saying "you must love yourself, before you can love another", it's very true. (1) If you love yourself, you are not desperate, and other people will find you more attractive when they meet you and (2) The relationship will be a lot more healthy if you are not dependent/clingy on the other person.


First off, you don't need to love yourself; You just need to _like_ yourself. And I take that saying, along with "You need to be comfortable within yourself before you can be comfortable with others" with a grain of salt. Because if they were true, very few people would be together. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find many people who are completely satisfied with themselves. There's _always_ something about ourselves we wish we could change.

I agree that you will attract more people if you have high self-esteem and are confident, but that doesn't mean those of us who aren't will be the only ones dependent or clingy. Love _is_ dependent in itself. You give yourself away in exchange for someone else. And when you do it with the right person, there's no reason to be clingy. Because it's mutual. As for being desperate, it's quite simple actually: You can be the most confident person the the planet, but if you don't get the love that you need, you _will_ feel lonely. And there's nothing wrong with that because love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

We have trouble meeting our needs because it requires interacting with others. But don't ever feel like love isn't meant for you just because you can't say this or do that. Sometimes it really does take another person to start feeling better about yourself. I know for a fact that my girl is the best therapy I got. She inspires me to think positive and to be the best that I can be. Because she deserves that. And so do I.


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## Carbon Breather (Mar 13, 2005)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Strength said:


> Carbon Breather said:
> 
> 
> > Wow... I think i disagree with 90% of that...If we were comfortable with ourselves we wouldn't post here. I don't feel great when i see pretty girls...
> ...


The problem is as long as i have anxiety i will never feel comfortable. I don't know when next dizzy/surreal moment will come. I don't know if i will feel like throwing up or if i will feel great when on a date. I can't feel comfortable when my brain has a life on it's on.....


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## Razorblade Kiss (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: re: There is nothing wrong with being single*



Carbon Breather said:


> [quote="Strange Religion":5087f]
> Since then I've dated and I have someone who fulfills me sexually, but that's not everything. I want so much more.


I think you have to decide what you want. I've never met someone with a FB that wanted a relationship. Either they wanted their FB as a partner or they didn't want a relationship at all. *I mean if i met a girl and she says like " oh ... is this serious? then i have to say no to this guy i'm sleeping with" then i would walk away quickly*.[/quote:5087f]

Hahaha, I would never say that to someone I'm interested in anyway. 
My FB happens to be my first and I'm not head over heels for him. I think that's why it works, otherwise it would be too painful, especially if he didn't feel the same. I need sex, but I'm just saying it'll be nice when I actually find someone I connect with on every level. I crave that.


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## Softy785 (Apr 16, 2006)

In part, I agree with the original post. I know a guy who says he likes being single, because it gives him the freedom to do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it. But of course, he doesn't have an anxiety disorder, has been in relationships before, and probably wouldn't have much of a problem finding someone to be in a relationship with again. I am currently in a long-lasting relationship and I love it. Of course there are some bad times and some downsides to the relationship, but the good outweighs the bad sooo much. And I also understand how a lot of the other users who posted here feel. People always want desperately what they know (or in this case, think) they can't have. So I guess how you feel about this situation depends on your relationship past, your level of confidence of having relationships in the future, and how valuable having relationships are to you.


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## Amocholes (Nov 5, 2003)

I do enjoy being single. However, it does get damn lonely at times.


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## Strength (Aug 12, 2006)

I thought more about this...and this will be my conclusion after reflecting on this today myself.
I would rank the following in terms of what I like most to least (on average, out of 10): 
1. (9.5) Being in a great relationship 
2. (7) Being single and going out there to meet new people, 
3. (5) Being in a relationship that is not that great, 
4. (2) Being single and not putting yourself out there. 

I have basically been in all 4 categories. Although the relationship I was referring to started out good for the first year or so, and slid down, so maybe that doesn't count. I think the reason for so much disagreement was that a lot of people are at #4, and I was referring to #2. #4 lacks social interaction (especially if you don't have friends to talk to), whereas #2 you still get that need pretty much fulfilled. I know #4 sucks, I've been there where I stay home all the time and veg out like a hermit, but I changed and I force myself out there now. I do things that might not be what I'm comfortable with by consciously push myself out of my comfort zone. The path to success is not always the path with least resisitence.


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## CopadoMexicano (Aug 21, 2004)

glad to be single but yet desire to be in a relationship./


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with being single but it sucks to be lonely all the time. People desire that intimate human interaction.


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## LoneLioness (Nov 16, 2003)

I agree that theres nothing wrong with being single, but only if you wanna be single or don't have a problem with it. As for anyone being able to chose whether or not their single, I think thats crazy, some of us here are not considered dateable by the vast majority and some of us just wanna be picky so that when we do get into a relationship it doesn't fail. With me its a case of both. I have high standards (nothing I myself don't fit though) and I'm considered undatable by 99.9% of men simply due to a combo of my looks, SA, not having a job and my clingyness, none of which I'm gonna change for anyone . I'm ok with being alone though, of course I'd rather have a relationship but if I can't find my perfect match then I'll just stay single. I do agree that most relationships aren't that great and most of them do fail. Better to be happy alone then miserable with someone.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

What I want to know is if I'm considered dateable by most females. I really don't see why I wouldn't be, but given my inferiority complex, I just don't know.


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## dez (Jun 25, 2005)

There's nothing wrong with being single but being involuntary single is total bs. :/


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