# Do you think it's bad for a 50 something year old man to be in love with a 18 yr old



## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

Girl? Or perhaps in lust?
The legal age in my country is 16 years old. 
There is a man at my church who is in his 50s and he REALLY likes me, if you know what I mean... he tries to touch me in a sexual manner. I am 18 now but I was 17 when I first met him, and from the moment he saw me he was entranced by me. Every Sunday he is so joyed to see me, touch me, stroke me, kiss my face, sometimes my neck, etc. He's felt my boobs from the side once (not groping them) and he has also touched my butt by pretending there was some bread on my skirt. He tells me he misses when I don't turn up to church, he gives me an affectionate name, he lends me his jacket, the list goes on. 

Is it wrong for him to feel this way about me? It feels so taboo.


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## mattmc (Jun 27, 2013)

Can I ask how you feel about it?


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## Montee (Aug 8, 2015)

Shy Kitten said:


> Girl? Or perhaps in lust?
> The legal age in my country is 16 years old.
> There is a man at my church who is in his 50s and he REALLY likes me, if you know what I mean... he tries to touch me in a sexual manner. I am 18 now but I was 17 when I first met him, and from the moment he saw me he was entranced by me. Every Sunday he is so joyed to see me, touch me, stroke me, kiss my face, sometimes my neck, etc. He's felt my boobs from the side once (not groping them) and he has also touched my butt by pretending there was some bread on my skirt. He tells me he misses when I don't turn up to church, he gives me an affectionate name, he lends me his jacket, the list goes on.
> 
> Is it wrong for him to feel this way about me? It feels so taboo.


You can't let him doing that unless you feel something to him, but I doubt it. He is gonna feel unpunished and that may lead to a situation when he will try to go even further, if you know what I mean. Tell it to your parents/ people from your church and please be careful around this guy.


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## Sdistant (Mar 25, 2015)

This behaviour is unacceptable. Perhaps try telling him to stop it, or to talk to someone who you trust if you can't bring yourself to talk to him. I'm sorry to hear you go through this, you'll just have to avoid him as he's clearly not being very nice to you. If you want to keep going to that church, maybe you could tell the vicar how you feel.


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## Excaliber (May 16, 2015)

Unless you approve of it, then that is not something that is appropriate. Just because someone goes to Church doesn't mean they are a Christian/ good person, I would think someone of that age would know better.


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## Idontgetit (Nov 1, 2013)

that's a bit f***ed up


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## Were (Oct 16, 2006)

I don't think he's wrong for having such feelings but sexually harassing people at church is wrong.


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## gopherinferno (Apr 7, 2009)

that sounds like something from the 18th century


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## Shawn81 (Jul 9, 2014)

Feeling that way is normal. He's a guy. That's how we are. He's taking it way too far though. Feeling that way is unavoidable. But he needs some self-control. That's pretty scummy. Unless you've been sending him some signals or something to make him think he should keep advancing.


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## Farideh (Nov 13, 2011)

It's not okay if the girl is not interested.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Shawn81 said:


> Feeling that way is normal. He's a guy. That's how we are. He's taking it way too far though. Feeling that way is unavoidable. But he needs some self-control. That's pretty scummy. *Unless you've been sending him some signals or something to make him think he should keep advancing*.


This.

If the first time he touched you and you didn't do anything to let him know to "stop", this is pretty much him thinking (Oh! It's okay! Then I will continue my sexual advances, then, she likes it!)

Oh, and as long as you're 18+ I don't see the problem.


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## Imbored21 (Jun 18, 2012)

He wants that young ***. Can't blame him.


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## My Hearse (Aug 28, 2015)

Imbored21 said:


> He wants that young ***. Can't blame him.


But the real question is, can he even get "IT" up? >


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Sounds like he's attempting to exploit an obviously vulnerable person.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Sounds like he's attempting to exploit an obviously vulnerable person.


I am very shy, quiet and introverted so I assume that's ought to be the case.


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## Wings of Amnesty (Aug 5, 2015)

Wow, yeah, tell your parents. This isn't good.


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## TicklemeRingo (Jan 11, 2013)

Shy Kitten said:


> I am very shy, quiet and introverted so I assume that's ought to be the case.


Yeah I thought so (and I'm not criticising you for it). One of the many downsides of social anxiety/shyness is it can be hard to be assertive with people when we need to be.


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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

If it makes you uncomfortable (which it sounds like it does) then that is NOT okay.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

I'd imagine it matters only depending how you feel about it, since you are an adult.

So if it was unwanted contact, yeah it's more than taboo, it's wrong.

Be assertive and firmly say no.

But if you are cool with it, I suppose it's fine, but there will most likely be stares if you PDA'd in public.


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Find out if he's rich or not. Then we can decide if it's right or wrong.


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## Kevin001 (Jan 2, 2015)

Sounds like he is exploiting you........do you like him kissing and touching you? The guy sounds like a weird pedo.


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## that weird guy (Aug 14, 2015)

if you dont like this touching you must put a stop to this, if you feel you cant do it have someone do it for you.with that being said people can deny it all they want its very normal for men to attracted to 18yr old girls till the day they die


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Yeah, it's just a really, really bad idea. I don't think thoughts are "good or bad" as long as they're not about hurting someone or molesting children, stuff like that. I think it's how you act on them that really matters. He can be attracted to you as much as he wants but any fifty year old with any common f-ing sense at all should know that acting out on that is gonna be nothing but trouble, for both of you.

I mean, if you were an 18 year old with the same issues, same emotional maturity, and going through the same life stages as a fifty year old, or he was the same vice-versa, I guess you guys might have a chance. But if either of those were the case, I think you'd have a lot more serious problems than whether or not you should hook up.

And maybe the most important thing is, these advances don't sound like they're welcome...you need to tell him to stop, steer clear of him, and if he doesn't stop you need to take steps to protect yourself, like, now.

You need to just worry about being a normal 18 yr old right now. And he needs to start acting his age. Ffs.


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## Zaac (May 20, 2015)

Iff you don't like it then das nastay


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Aribeth said:


> Find out if he's rich or not. Then we can decide if it's right or wrong.


What net worth is required? Once this estate is settled I'll be worth about $2.8M. How young a woman does that buy me at age 42?:stu


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

Aribeth said:


> Find out if he's rich or not. Then we can decide if it's right or wrong.


LOL


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

UltraShy said:


> What net worth is required? Once this estate is settled I'll be worth about $2.8M. How young a woman does that buy me at age 42?:stu


Duuuuude marry me


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## Staticnz (Mar 25, 2013)

I'm also going to be rich, but I'm too liberal for you Aribeth.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Shy Kitten said:


> Girl? Or perhaps in lust?
> The legal age in my country is 16 years old.
> There is a man at my church who is in his 50s and he REALLY likes me, if you know what I mean... he tries to touch me in a sexual manner. I am 18 now but I was 17 when I first met him, and from the moment he saw me he was entranced by me. Every Sunday he is so joyed to see me, touch me, stroke me, kiss my face, sometimes my neck, etc. He's felt my boobs from the side once (not groping them) and he has also touched my butt by pretending there was some bread on my skirt. He tells me he misses when I don't turn up to church, he gives me an affectionate name, he lends me his jacket, the list goes on.
> 
> Is it wrong for him to feel this way about me? It feels so taboo.


I think it's ridiculous. Tell him to go **** himself. He's taking advantage of you.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

TicklemeRingo said:


> Sounds like he's attempting to exploit an obviously vulnerable person.


+1


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## Aribeth (Jan 14, 2012)

Staticnz said:


> I'm also going to be rich, but I'm too liberal for you Aribeth.


Money talks. For $1000 I'll become a feminist, liberal, whatever. I'll even support transies!


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## TenYears (Jan 15, 2010)

Staticnz said:


> I'm also going to be rich, but I'm too liberal for you Aribeth.


Careful. That's her decision, not yours dude. She'll decide if you're rich or liberal enough.










Girl will marry you anyway and then chop you to pieces with her words. And her sword :grin2:


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Tell your father about this scumbag. If you were my daughter this dog would be going to church from now on in a wheelchair.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

don said:


> +2
> 
> It amazes me that slime like the guy you mentioned actually goes to a church. Although I suppose I should expect it. These ****ing Christians.
> 
> Tell your father about this scumbag. *If you were my daughter this dog would be going to church from now on in a wheelchair.*


I almost can't breathe LOL


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Shy Kitten said:


> I almost can't breathe LOL


Why? I wasn't actually joking. 

Seriously - tell this guy to **** off. He's just some old weirdo trying to take advantage of a young and vulnerable girl. Find someone around your own age.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

"It sick" is my initial reaction as well, but there is so much we don't know about this man. Is he just looking for sex? Sure, that's quite possible, but it's also possible that he truly likes her.

Should we say love between 18 & 50 is wrong? My brother was going to have a 26-year old BF and he's 62 -- an even greater difference than here.

Love is hard to find and I don't think potential relationships should automatically be tossed in the trash just because of age difference. A young women who marries an older man stands to inherit a substantial estate. And an older man is likely able to support her. There are advantages to age


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## Roberto (Aug 16, 2004)

Just because you age doesn't mean you stop being human. 50 isn't even that old. I find women in their 50s attractive. My cousin is 37 and married to a guy in his 60s - he's a rock climber and he's in better shape, healthier and more attractive than I am and I'm just about to turn 31. A gross age difference doesn't have to be gross, in a lot of cases it's just reality.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Aribeth said:


> Duuuuude marry me


I'd demand a pre-nup.


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## Charmeleon (Aug 5, 2010)

Were said:


> I don't think he's wrong for having such feelings but sexually harassing people at church is wrong.


I was gonna say that's something I'd totally say but your not rocking my picture anymore :'(


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

My friend dated a 50 something guy when she was 18, but she went after him. You're an adult and can make your own decisions, but use your head. That kind of age differential can lead to a serious power imbalance if you're not very sure of yourself, and that power imbalance may be one of the main appeals of the relationship for him. Don't get in over your head.


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## EMPx (Nov 2, 2014)

Yes.


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## DeeperUnderstanding (May 19, 2007)

Just because we get older, doesn't mean we stop finding young women attractive.

That being said, it is socially inappropriate, and he should know better. He needs to find someone closer to his age, you're both on different levels even if you _were_ interested in him.

Also...weird pedo? Pedophiles are attracted to children. Not the first time that stupid mistake has come up on this forum, but last time I checked, the age of consent is 18 in most places (it's actually 16 in my state.) I also wouldn't give the same advice for someone my age (early 30's) dating an 18 year old, but a 50 year old man...that's too old.


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## nubly (Nov 2, 2006)

Shy Kitten said:


> I am very shy, quiet and introverted so I assume that's ought to be the case.


If you can't tell him to back off then I agree that you should tell your parents or whoever you go to church with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Potato Girl (Jul 22, 2013)

v bad he knows youre too shy to stop him or tell anybody. this guy straight up sounds like hes taking advantage of you.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

Yes, it's bad - I am disgusted.


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## M0rbid (Jan 11, 2011)

what did I just read?... Totally messed up. He was probably grooming you.


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## Findedeux (Mar 16, 2012)

He's obviously not in love with you.

You are describing physical attraction.

It's pretty normal but his actions make this guy sound like a real creep.

Personally, I don't think most 30 yr olds could fall in love with an 18 year old, much less a 50 year old.

In order to fall in love I think people have to be able to relate to each other.

By your very age the two of you most likely have nothing in common.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

In general? No. It's not wrong for old men to be attracted to young women. 

Is it wrong for anyone to be fondling people without their consent? Of course. The two are not the same thing.


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## eukz (Nov 3, 2013)

lol just church things.


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## Topshelf (Jan 17, 2014)

what in the actual ****, hes a straight up pedophile


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## meepie (Jun 20, 2010)

If two people consent no, this guy isn't merely chasing you romantically, he's touching you inappropriately since it seems like it makes you feel uncomfortable.


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## tom99 (Jul 24, 2012)

seems like its lust


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## RunningAwayfromreality (Sep 11, 2015)

that is disturbing if it get worse and you feel uncomfortable pleas tell someone. he is old enough to be your dad


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Just because we get older, doesn't mean we stop finding young women attractive.
> 
> That being said, it is socially inappropriate, and he should know better. He needs to find someone closer to his age, you're both on different levels even if you _were_ interested in him.
> 
> Also...weird pedo? *Pedophiles are attracted to children. Not the first time that stupid mistake has come up on this forum*, but last time I checked, the age of consent is 18 in most places (it's actually 16 in my state.) I also wouldn't give the same advice for someone my age (early 30's) dating an 18 year old, but a 50 year old man...that's too old.


Thanks for pointing this out. People use the word "pedo" way too frivolously... or in other words, incorrectly.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

Findedeux said:


> *He's obviously not in love with you.*
> 
> You are describing physical attraction.
> 
> ...


Yea I figured that out, it's lust.


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## OutsideR1 (Mar 13, 2014)

You still havent said how you feel about it


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## SupaDupaFly (Sep 1, 2011)




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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

SupaDupaFly said:


>


So much cringe


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

This question isn't important, what's important is that you know how you feel about it and if you don't like it, tell him to stop and if he keeps on (and he might because it happens,) let someone else know. It's good to work on being assertive though so try telling him to stop yourself first.


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## Spirit queen (Mar 25, 2015)

Sounds pretty creepy. I'd stay as far away from him as posible.


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## Just Lurking (Feb 8, 2007)

Shy Kitten said:


> Is it wrong for him to feel this way about me?


It's normal for a man (of any age) to find younger women attractive, but the actions you are describing here sound rather one-sided, and if he continues doing these things without your reciprocation or your consent, then "*creepy*" would be the word for it (but, that would apply at any age, whether he's 50 or 19).

Are _you_ attracted to _him_? Are you showing him that you welcome what he's doing? Or is he, like, just... doing it... while you 'just take it'...?


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## AngelClare (Jul 10, 2012)

DeeperUnderstanding said:


> Just because we get older, doesn't mean we stop finding young women attractive.
> 
> That being said, it is socially inappropriate, and he should know better. He needs to find someone closer to his age, you're both on different levels even if you _were_ interested in him.
> 
> Also...weird pedo? Pedophiles are attracted to children. Not the first time that stupid mistake has come up on this forum, but last time I checked, the age of consent is 18 in most places (it's actually 16 in my state.) I also wouldn't give the same advice for someone my age (early 30's) dating an 18 year old, but a 50 year old man...that's too old.


But Strom Thurmond, an American congressman (he's dead), married a 22 year old beauty pageant winner when he was 66 years old. I think she was Miss South Carolina.



> Thurmond married his second wife, Nancy Janice Moore (born 1946), on December 22, 1968. He was 66 years old and she was 22. She had won Miss South Carolina in 1965. Two years later, he hired her to work in his Senate office. They separated in 1991, but never divorced.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strom_Thurmond#Marriages_and_children

The OP is an adult and this 50-year-old guy is an adult. He's being a creep regardless of his age. The OP is a woman now and needs to learn how to deal with creeps. I know it's not easy when you have SA.


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## UltraShy (Nov 8, 2003)

Aribeth said:


> Find out if he's rich or not. Then we can decide if it's right or wrong.


That's the advantage of a mature men. They tend to have money.

Do you want a broke young dude who makes minimum wage, or a mature millionaire? Marry a man 30 years your senior and he's virtually certain to leave you as a millionaire widow.


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## HyperGiant (Feb 23, 2015)

It's bad for him because he will only have a short amount of time with the love of his life and his children, he might live long enough to give away his daughters hand in marriage. It's also bad for him that his old age will kill your lust/attraction for him and sweeping you off your feet will probably cripple him.
It's bad for you because He'll probably want kids immediately, the kids will probably fly the roost before you turn 40 and most of all your peers will ostracize you for not going for the 30yr bank loan or spending your youth wisely by clubbing.
Weather this is good or bad is up for you to decide when you get all the facts. My heart has sympathy for the man who has spent his life all alone, and with that said, there's other old men on the other end of the spectrum. If he's soiled another woman's life is the biggest deal breaker in my opinion. And even after that trial, It's the case of the lifestyle yer marrying into?
A single date in public with good questions and good listening skills would fill in the gaps, and as long as it's communicated that he should expect only one date that will prepare his heart for disappointment. Let him leave thinking he's friend zoned and ring him a week later if you think a relationship might work.
Anyhow, good luck with your opportunity, I'm going back to skinning a cat.:duck


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

His age is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is if you're okay with it or not. If not that's unwanted contact and it wouldn't matter who it is that's not right. You still haven't answered if you're okay with it or not though. Why is that?


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## Malek (Oct 4, 2012)

Sounds like your church sucks.


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## Gojira (Jun 1, 2015)

Honestly, I think most people would say it shouldn't matter in principle, but if it were there daughter/sister/friend, they'd be singing a different tune.

I think most people are opposed to this, but here at SAS we try to be all inclusive, which really isn't a bad thing.

Except when it gives people already struggling to find their place in society some more ostracizing advice.

No, certain age gaps will always be unacceptable. A middle aged man, hell, even a man 10 years older can easily take advantage of a teen or early 20 something.


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## theCARS1979 (Apr 26, 2010)

Shy Kitten said:


> Girl? Or perhaps in lust?
> The legal age in my country is 16 years old.
> There is a man at my church who is in his 50s and he REALLY likes me, if you know what I mean... he tries to touch me in a sexual manner. I am 18 now but I was 17 when I first met him, and from the moment he saw me he was entranced by me. Every Sunday he is so joyed to see me, touch me, stroke me, kiss my face, sometimes my neck, etc. He's felt my boobs from the side once (not groping them) and he has also touched my butt by pretending there was some bread on my skirt. He tells me he misses when I don't turn up to church, he gives me an affectionate name, he lends me his jacket, the list goes on.
> 
> Is it wrong for him to feel this way about me? It feels so taboo.


I dont know , age doesnt matter to me, its really how you feel about it, Age is just a number. You have to both agree is what Im saying , otherwise i guess Its wrong. Im 41 and want someone 25 too but its kind hard for me as well. and I feel as though I want to give up on love because I havent been trying that often. it appears pointless


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

LichtLune said:


> His age is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is if you're okay with it or not. If not that's unwanted contact and it wouldn't matter who it is that's not right. You still haven't answered if you're okay with it or not though. Why is that?


I feel ANGRY. When I see him I feel ANGER.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

Shy Kitten said:


> I feel ANGRY. When I see him I feel ANGER.


Why do you allow it to happen? You need to learn to say no or else you're going to have a tough time in life.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

LichtLune said:


> Why do you allow it to happen? You need to learn to say no or else you're going to have a tough time in life.


I can say no in most situations, but in this one it struck a weakness. 
He can just continue to walk around being the male church senior thinking he's the big deal, it happens a lot. But as a female I have to have my defences in the most 'safe' of places, I have learnt. Church is still a public place open to all, inclusive of hypocrites only intent on picking up women (although he usually doesn't go for the younger ones, he picked me). He still tries to say hi to me and touch my shoulder. I am going to slap off his hand when he tries to do that again. But the anger remains that I let his 'power' as an older male intimidate me to the point where I was too panicked to say no when he was doing it.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

LichtLune said:


> Why do you allow it to happen? You need to learn to say no or else you're going to have a tough time in life.


She has social anxiety! That's not something you can understand? Not being able to stand up for yourself is a _very_ common problem for people on SAS, and he's using the fact that she's insecure to his advantage. He probably even enjoys the power trip.



Shy Kitten said:


> I can say no in most situations, but in this one it struck a weakness.
> He can just continue to walk around being the male church senior thinking he's the big deal, it happens a lot. But as a female I have to have my defences in the most 'safe' of places, I have learnt. Church is still a public place open to all, inclusive of hypocrites only intent on picking up women (although he usually doesn't go for the younger ones, he picked me). He still tries to say hi to me and touch my shoulder. I am going to slap off his hand when he tries to do that again. But the anger remains that I let his 'power' as an older male intimidate me to the point where I was too panicked to say no when he was doing it.


It sucks that you're even in this situation, since he should know better, but you can do it! You will feel soooo much better afterwards. I'll be rooting for you :> Just remove his hand without saying anything and keep on walking.


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## Orbiter (Jul 8, 2015)

Don't do that, for your own good.
Better avoid that church now.


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## harrison (Apr 14, 2012)

Shy Kitten said:


> I can say no in most situations, but in this one it struck a weakness.
> He can just continue to walk around being the male church senior thinking he's the big deal, it happens a lot. But as a female I have to have my defences in the most 'safe' of places, I have learnt. Church is still a public place open to all, inclusive of hypocrites only intent on picking up women (although he usually doesn't go for the younger ones, he picked me). He still tries to say hi to me and touch my shoulder. *I am going to slap off his hand when he tries to do that again. But the anger remains *that I let his 'power' as an older male intimidate me to the point where I was too panicked to say no when he was doing it.


Yes, do that - and maybe tell him, "just get away from me" or something like that. I would say something much stronger but you're probably nicer than I am, and more polite.

Just remember - this guy is human waste, he's nothing special. Just because he's some big-wig at your church.

Put him in his place. Be strong.


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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

probably offline said:


> She has social anxiety! That's not something you can understand? Not being able to stand up for yourself is a _very_ common problem for people on SAS, and he's using the fact that she's insecure to his advantage. He probably even enjoys the power trip.


I have social anxiety but I wouldn't say that I'm afraid to say literally anything to people. If someone oversteps their grounds then I will say something. I guess I can understand if she's afraid but surely it can't be that difficult to just say no or to walk away at the very least? Or as others have said she could speak to someone else she's more comfortable with about it.

Regardless if she's afraid or not she can't let people walk all over her. While I'm not taking the man's side I still don't know the situation. And from what I've gathered OP has made zero effort to let this man know it's not okay. The man should understand when he's taking things too far but OP still needs to assert herself.


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## probably offline (Oct 8, 2012)

LichtLune said:


> I have social anxiety but I wouldn't say that I'm afraid to say literally anything to people. If someone oversteps their grounds then I will say something. I guess I can understand if she's afraid but surely it can't be that difficult to just say no or to walk away at the very least? Or as others have said she could speak to someone else she's more comfortable with about it.
> 
> Regardless if she's afraid or not she can't let people walk all over her. While I'm not taking the man's side I still don't know the situation. And from what I've gathered OP has made zero effort to let this man know it's not okay. The man should understand when he's taking things too far but OP still needs to assert herself.


I can understand how it would feel like a bigger, and bigger, hurdle to get over, the longer you wait. I can also understand how you can get stuck in an awkward situation like this. I've been in similar situations, and it often takes a while before you realize that a person is actually out of line. First you think "is he/she just a very physical person?" "does he/she do this to everyone?" and by the time you realize that the person *is* over-stepping boundaries, enough time has passed to make it harder/more awkward to put your foot down. You wait first, because you don't want to "accuse" something of something if you're not sure. It will potentially seem like she's "making a scene" even though it isn't her fault. That's probably what he would accuse her of, too. "What? I haven't done anything." Things like this aren't always as easy as they might seem on the surface. Sexual harrassment-esque situations differ quite a lot from other ones. Just sayin'.

Also, she is saying that she _wants _to put her foot down, so I thought it was like you were stating the obvious when you said that she "needs to learn how to say no". Yes, she does, but it's not always so easy.


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)




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## DistraughtOwl (Mar 1, 2014)

probably offline said:


> I can understand how it would feel like a bigger, and bigger, hurdle to get over, the longer you wait. I can also understand how you can get stuck in an awkward situation like this. I've been in similar situations, and it often takes a while before you realize that a person is actually out of line. First you think "is he/she just a very physical person?" "does he/she do this to everyone?" and by the time you realize that the person *is* over-stepping boundaries, enough time has passed to make it harder/more awkward to put your foot down. You wait first, because you don't want to "accuse" something of something if you're not sure. It will potentially seem like she's "making a scene" even though it isn't her fault. That's probably what he would accuse her of, too. "What? I haven't done anything." Things like this aren't always as easy as they might seem on the surface. Sexual harrassment-esque situations differ quite a lot from other ones. Just sayin'.
> 
> Also, she is saying that she _wants _to put her foot down, so I thought it was like you were stating the obvious when you said that she "needs to learn how to say no". Yes, she does, but it's not always so easy.


No is probably the easier word to say in the English language. She wouldn't be causing a scene by using it. I'm not saying she needs to be the toughest strongest woman on the block or curse him out but having a strong firm "no" in your vocabulary is essential. If she can slap the man's arm away from her then she can say "no". And really "no" should be the first word out of her mouth before anything gets physical.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

LichtLune said:


> No is probably the easier word to say in the English language. She wouldn't be causing a scene by using it. I'm not saying she needs to be the toughest strongest woman on the block or curse him out but having a strong firm "no" in your vocabulary is essential. *If she can slap the man's arm away from her then she can say "no". *And really "no" should be the first word out of her mouth before anything gets physical.


I have never done this to anyone. 
I am hoping that next time I see him and he tries to touch me again, I will assert myself in that way.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

probably offline said:


> I can understand how it would feel like a bigger, and bigger, hurdle to get over, the longer you wait. I can also understand how you can get stuck in an awkward situation like this. I've been in similar situations, and it often takes a while before you realize that a person is actually out of line. *First you think "is he/she just a very physical person?" "does he/she do this to everyone?" and by the time you realize that the person is over-stepping boundaries, enough time has passed to make it harder/more awkward to put your foot down. You wait first, because you don't want to "accuse" something of something if you're not sure. It will potentially seem like she's "making a scene" even though it isn't her fault.* That's probably what he would accuse her of, too. "What? I haven't done anything." Things like this aren't always as easy as they might seem on the surface. Sexual harrassment-esque situations differ quite a lot from other ones. Just sayin'.
> 
> Also, she is saying that she _wants _to put her foot down, so I thought it was like you were stating the obvious when you said that she "needs to learn how to say no". Yes, she does, but it's not always so easy.


Thank you, thank you, thank you! You understand how I feel completely!


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

don said:


> Yes, do that - and maybe tell him, "just get away from me" or something like that. I would say something much stronger but you're probably nicer than I am, and more polite.
> 
> Just remember - this guy is human waste, he's nothing special. Just because he's some big-wig at your church.
> 
> Put him in his place. Be strong.


Thanks Don


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## AllieG (Feb 20, 2014)

Yes, I find it pretty disturbing. I mean a young adult with a person who is almost a senior? Yikes! :serious:


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

yeah, he sounds like a predator.

i mean, do you like him? if you do by all means go for it. but most men/people that go for younger/less experienced people are just in it to manipulate them or take advantage of them. they have a taste for power dynamics that puts them in power.

did he ask for consent before touching you? if not, i'd tell him to get the hell away.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

regimes said:


> yeah, he sounds like a predator.
> 
> i mean, do you like him? if you do by all means go for it. but most men/people that go for younger/less experienced people are just in it to manipulate them or take advantage of them. they have a taste for power dynamics that puts them in power.
> 
> did he ask for consent before touching you? if not, i'd tell him to get the hell away.


He didn't ask for consent, and I don't want him near me. But at church, he will be. I just have to be assertive next time he tries to touch me and then just act as if he isn't there. Because currently as soon as he walks in the room he makes me feel depressed and angry. My mood just plummets. He likes me not just because I am younger, but because I'm shy, quiet and vulnerable. Given the way that he constantly (and very desperately) tries to catch glances of me during church, and the dreamy, lustful expression on his face, he must also think I am very pretty. But he doesn't do anything like what he does to me to other girls. So I think other girls at my church are not at high risk.

He still lusts after me, and probably will continue to.


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## regimes (Aug 24, 2011)

Shy Kitten said:


> He didn't ask for consent, and I don't want him near me. But at church, he will be. I just have to be assertive next time he tries to touch me and then just act as if he isn't there. Because currently as soon as he walks in the room he makes me feel depressed and angry. My mood just plummets. He likes me not just because I am younger, but because I'm shy, quiet and vulnerable. Given the way that he constantly (and very desperately) tries to catch glances of me during church, and the dreamy, lustful expression on his face, he must also think I am very pretty. But he doesn't do anything like what he does to me to other girls. So I think other girls at my church are not at high risk.
> 
> He still lusts after me, and probably will continue to.


tell someone older what he's doing. he sounds like a creep definitely trying to take advantage of you. i'd say make a scene just to embarrass him, like shouting about him being a perv, but i doubt anyone on this forum would be up for that lol.

do something though, ignoring it won't solve it. he'll just keep getting by with it.

if he has a wife or a sister, tell her.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

regimes said:


> tell someone older what he's doing. he sounds like a creep definitely trying to take advantage of you. i'd say make a scene just to embarrass him, like shouting about him being a perv, but i doubt anyone on this forum would be up for that lol.
> 
> do something though, ignoring it won't solve it. he'll just keep getting by with it.
> 
> if he has a wife or a sister, tell her.


I've told my priest, he talked to him . The man said he would never touch me. But he still walks up to me, puts his hand firmly on my shoulder and asks me how I am. And it's like... wtf. He still desperately continues to try to stare at me, although he's less obvious now because he knows the priest is aware. I told a friend of mine and she is totally supportive of me and tries to help me feel better. But the fact remains, he still goes to my church, he still "wants" me, he still makes me feel uncomfortable.... arrgghh...


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## HyperGiant (Feb 23, 2015)

regimes said:


> yeah, he sounds like a predator.
> .


Feminist/hypocritical ideology.



Shy Kitten said:


> He still lusts after me, and probably will continue to.


Yep, he's a bad boy, but hey girl you dread him so according to the bible, It's good because its not based on lust.:rofl

Sorry the lust idea is a really messed up rule, probably designed during the Constantine area to help parents enslave their children into adulthood. Think about it, how many of the major players in the new testament got married and how many of them lead miserable lives despite the God glitter?

Anyhow, yer in his heart, so until he concludes there's no hope, yer stuck with it. Get married or get him married, go to another church or break his heart somehow. Every week he yearns for you is one less week he has with his real wife, you have a long life , he no longer has that luxury...


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

HyperGiant said:


> Feminist/hypocritical ideology.
> 
> Yep, he's a bad boy, but hey girl you dread him so according to the bible, It's good because its not based on lust.:rofl
> 
> ...


He doesn't have a wife.


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## Cuban FL Cracker (Jul 22, 2014)

I think it's peculiar but it's legal. Do whatever y'all want.


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## Memory (Mar 4, 2011)

Creepy. The age difference is strange but legal. The unwanted touching however is sexual harassment. Maybe he targets shy girls thinking they won't do anything about it. I'd say "don't touch me" or "stay away from me". If he keeps staring I'd probably look at him disgustedly.. because he sounds like a disgusting person. Sorry you have to deal with this especially at church. I hope he gets kicked out.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

Memory said:


> Creepy. The age difference is strange but legal. The unwanted touching however is sexual harassment. Maybe he targets shy girls thinking they won't do anything about it. I'd say "don't touch me" or "stay away from me". If he keeps staring I'd probably look at him disgustedly.. *because he sounds like a disgusting person. Sorry you have to deal with this especially at church. I hope he gets kicked out*.


Woah, back up the judgment train. What he's doing may be wrong, but he is not a "disgusting person". A person has to do something truly terrible. I will admit, I used to be attracted to him, and I would stare at him, he'd catch me, then I'd blush and look away. BUT, I was not ready for the physical touching. He might like me for my sweet, gentle, feminine demeanor but he also is quite strange so he might become over affectionate with me.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

Haven't been on for a while, thank you everyone for your responses.


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

Shy Kitten said:


> I feel ANGRY. When I see him I feel ANGER.


You do realize that he could have done these things (and more) previously to other people and may be doing them now, or want to in the future with even more girls, right? Why haven't you reported him to the authorities? If not for your sake, then for theirs.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

SaladDays said:


> You do realize that he could have done these things (and more) previously to other people and may be doing them now, or want to in the future with even more girls, right? Why haven't you reported him to the authorities? If not for your sake, then for theirs.


He's actually really normal to everyone else, of course I don't know about his past - but he does nothing like what he does to me to other girls in church. I don't see him as a threat to other young girls. In fact I don't think he likes me purely because of my age. Otherwise, they'd be other issues and I would have reported him to the authorities.


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## SaladDays (Nov 26, 2013)

Shy Kitten said:


> He's actually really normal to everyone else, of course I don't know about his past - but he does nothing like what he does to me to other girls in church. I don't see him as a threat to other young girls. In fact I don't think he likes me purely because of my age. Otherwise, they'd be other issues and I would have reported him to the authorities.


I would highly suggest you do so (reporting him, that is) regadless of his reasons to do what he does and whether or not you think he has done this or plans to do this to other women.


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## Shy Kitten (Sep 3, 2015)

McFly said:


> I actually agree with the feminazi for once.
> 
> This is predatory behavior. Not as bad as some examples I've heard before. OP you are very naive. The fact that you went from attracted to the guy to being angered and unsure of what to do shows that you don't understand how to comprehend adult situations.
> 
> ...


Woah man, just chill out a bit. I liked him at first but wasn't ready for the contact he gave me, and because he was an older male church senior I felt timid. But I still like him. He looks like my dad, and my dad is my best friend; so I think subconsciously I project the love I have for my dad on him. And I am sure that adults go through periods of emotional turmoil and indecisiveness too, wtf? I have also been suffering from depression recently and things haven't been clear. However I've thought about it and I am just going to explain my situation to the guy to get it off my chest.


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