# Should I go back to CBT?



## pohutukawa (Jan 14, 2013)

When I was 17 in 2010, I entered Junior College (I live in Singapore), my social anxiety and depression (I think) got so bad, I skipped school a lot, cried a lot at night and hid under my blanket, had Irritable Bowel Syndrome while on the way to school so I had to go home. I didn't dare ask my teachers questions because I was afraid of looking stupid, didn't have a lot of friends, and my grades suffered. I was upset and suicidal a lot. I had been suicidal since I was 15. At the end of my first year in junior college, I decided to get help. I got referral, and saw a psychologist.

Before that, I had gone to a counsellor, but she was really patronising and kind of enabled my negativity rather than re-focus my thoughts. 

The psych did CBT with me, correcting my negative thoughts. I started to feel it work after a few months. I saw her for about a year, and stopped in October 2011 before my A Levels in November. I thought I could do okay without her, but apparently I didn't. After my first paper, I thought I really screwed up and was so upset, I wanted to give up on the rest of the papers and my parents had to force me to take the rest of the papers. By then, I was in no condition to take the exams; I decided to re-take my A Levels and so didn't take the rest of my papers seriously. I did really badly, failing one subject... but I got A for that first paper. Yay me. -_-

I went back for another CBT after my exams in late November 2011, but it was another psychologist because mine had to go overseas for a few weeks. (I preferred mine - the substitute was rather cold and felt like a Principal. Speaking to her made me feel like a kid who had gotten in trouble.) Then I never returned. 

I spent 2012 studying at home because I was retaking the A Levels, and took up a part-time job tutoring kids. I was OK, so I thought I'd gotten better. But as my brother pointed out to me, it was because I wasn't facing any real stress. 

So right now, I'm looking for part-time work until I start university in July this year (hopefully). Earlier today, I screwed my job interview up and joined this forum. My parents think I should join Toastmasters to learn to talk well and not be afraid of speaking in front of other people. Honestly, I'm scared to. 

Or should I go back to CBT? Honestly, I'm not as negative as the past (I was REALLY bad last time) but problems and worries seem to pop up once in a while. They're sporadic, but have quite a great impact on my mind. I'm really worried that once I start work, I'll face more social anxiety problems and repeat my JC time all over again. I've got another concern though - the cost. As a student, I feel it's kind of expensive, although it's been government-subsidised. I feel guilty making my parents pay. 

So should I go back and see my psych and get CBT, or would joining Toastmasters be enough?


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## Maslow (Dec 24, 2003)

Toastmasters is a great resource. Try it. But they are not all the same. Some cater to beginners and others are for more advanced speakers who just want to hone their skills. I've been going for about 1-1/2 years and have gotten a lot out of it, but it took going to a SAD group for a while before I was ready for Toastmasters.


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