# I feel like a loser at 31 y/o



## mw538 (Feb 28, 2013)

Hi everyone,

I'm not so completely comfortable writing out my thoughts, since this is the first time I've been on this website. (I'm not used to it) But I do have a mild form of social anxiety.

I am 31 years old. I made a mistake at work recently and now had some of my hours cut at work. So, I am in transition time, hoping to get more hours back at work, in a few months time. During this time, I feel like a loser. 

I have been living on my own and independent, but I just recently moved back in with my parents. I don't plan on being here forever. I moved back in with them because the place that I was renting before didn't work out. I am glad to be back with my parents, who do love and care for me. BUT, they don't understand what it's like to have social anxiety and always give me advice, so I feel like I am being "coached" and talked at, instead of being affirmed and understood. 

A reason why I feel like a loser now is because my dad, 2 weeks ago, told me to take some more classes to better myself, which I had never thought about doing. I like what I'm doing now, being a music teacher. And he mentioned to me about my future...about eventually having a family and wife. Boy, I felt like he was trying to dictate my life for me  I hate it when he does that! It a lot of the times, makes me feel like I'm not measuring up and that I'm 'fallen short' of his standards. Man, but everyone's different. And me and him are opposites. He is very analytical and not feeling oriented...whereas I am feeling oriented and very relational.

So, ever since having less hours (pay being cut), mixed with my dad's words to me within the past month...now, I am depressed and hurting  As I am writing this, it hurts.


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## Post_Punk_Proclivity (Oct 12, 2008)

Knowdatfeelbor. It can be frustrating being older and still having to deal with parents constantly admonishing you for not doing something how they would see fit to.

The thing is as you get older the real necessity is to become your own person, move towards independence and above all else be able to make your own decisions. Unfortunately as you have elucidated briefly, money is a big contributor to being able to do so without any restraint.


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## ToucanSam (Mar 22, 2012)

hi and welcome to the forum.

it sounds like your parents are decent people and want the best for you. It's very easy to give advice to people whom you care about - we do alot of it on this forum, and maybe you also do it to your students?? But as you are experiencing, good intentions can be a double-edged sword.

Perhaps if the three of you went to a therapist, then each person could discuss their expectations/thoughts/frustrations in a judgement-free atmosphere, with the therapist acting as a mediator and also offering advice.


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## mw538 (Feb 28, 2013)

Thanks, ToucanSam. But, my parents...unfortunately, don't see the need for them to do that.


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## mw538 (Feb 28, 2013)

Do you all think that I shared too much in the first post? Did I reveal too much about myself, too soon?


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## Paul (Sep 26, 2005)

There's nothing wrong with sharing, be it the first post or 1000th.

I think you should keep keeping doing what you want to be doing, regardless of people's expectations. If you want to be a music teacher, keep at it until there's absolutely no choice. The extra money you could make at something else wouldn't make up for not enjoying it.


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## awkwardsilent (Jun 14, 2012)

You are lucky to do something you love. Practically you have to weigh happiness vs Financial stability. I love and adore and admire the musicians I know however, I know its definitely not the easiest route to go. You might luck out and find something else you can enjoy. Or at least tolerate... though I hope the music thing works out for you. 

Practically if you want to start a family with someone, you need to be financially viable. So those kinda of choices you have to make. Its up to you though...


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

People who insensitive don't get it, so that's a given.

I would just work with what you have. A lot of people have not had jobs.

Just give it some time. It will work out.


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## billyho (Apr 12, 2010)

millenniumman75 said:


> People who insensitive don't get it, so that's a given.
> 
> I would just work with what you have. A lot of people have not had jobs.
> 
> Just give it some time. It will work out.


+1

I've had a career, lost it cause I made a STUPID mistake, moved in with parents and had lots of different 'jobs' along with time off in the 8 years it has taken me to get my career back.
In other words, do what you love... it will work out somehow. Managing the anxiety during that time is a ******. I still haven't figured that out.. :sus


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## meedo (Oct 4, 2011)

mw538 said:


> Do you all think that I shared too much in the first post? Did I reveal too much about myself, too soon?


No man .. you didn't share too much .. infant.. your sincere tale made people here want to really help. You are a good guy .

Hey.. i do mistakes at work all the time.. and frankly .. i think they will cause me my job sometime.. i suspect i have ADD and i am in the process of diagnosis now.. dont make yr career your worth.. it isn't and dont compare yourself

Your parents seem decent people really but like most parents without SA .. they don't understand you .. my mom doesn't either.. you have to walk the delicate balance between being assertive and respectful with them. Sometimes parents make it seem like hell if you dont follow what they say .. but at the end . you ar e the one who is gonna end up with the results and not them.. walk the road you chose my man not what other people chose for you .. even if they love you .. they are not you .

allright ?  cheer up.. things will get better


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## mw538 (Feb 28, 2013)

Thanks, meedo. I really appreciate the help and support!!


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## Reprise (Nov 4, 2012)

mw538 said:


> Thanks, meedo. I really appreciate the help and support!!


i feel for you man, im in the same boat, i constantly get lectured by my old man to start a family and meet new people, but im anxious when it comes to meeting new people, but at least you found your niche, music is universal, something that we all enjoy to listen to..

Im in a dead end job, and find it hard to survive each week, but i still haven't found what im really interested in doing ..i thought about I.T but its all so competitive out there.

Just take one day as it comes i reckon, small steps may stumble you onto something bigger one day


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## mw538 (Feb 28, 2013)

Reprise said:


> i feel for you man, im in the same boat, i constantly get lectured by my old man to start a family and meet new people, but im anxious when it comes to meeting new people, but at least you found your niche, music is universal, something that we all enjoy to listen to..
> 
> Im in a dead end job, and find it hard to survive each week, but i still haven't found what im really interested in doing ..i thought about I.T but its all so competitive out there.
> 
> Just take one day as it comes i reckon, small steps may stumble you onto something bigger one day


Hope it works out for you.


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