# The "college experience"



## capsulecollector (Sep 1, 2016)

This is a term I hear often to describe the social aspect of attending college which includes making new friends, participating in new activities and exploring a newly found autonomy free of parental supervision. I recently was surprised to hear a socially adept student discuss how the perceived college experience of our college was one of the main factors influencing their choice of school. I'm curious how other SAers describe their college experience and how it may differ from the norm among college students. Did you make new friends, join a club, find a hobby or discover your purpose in life? Or was it a time in which you withdrew further from social activity and embraced your introversion as you came to learn more about yourself?


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

The "college experience" only exists for popular extroverted people.
College for SA people is usually a complete total nightmare.I know many people with *real** SA* who came out of college worse than they did out of highschool.


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## Sabk (Jun 15, 2017)

College for me was actually okay. My SA wasn't severe. I attended events, made some friends (I'm not in contact with any of them now, so very temporary). 
I learned a lot about myself in regards to others though. I don't like working with people. Not one bit. I disliked group projects in high school and grew to hate them with a passion in college. A lot of group work involves being able to deal with people in a diplomatic way, something I fail to do...miserably. 
That's when it became cemented in my mind that being around others for too long drained me. For some reason, in high school, I looked forward to socializing. Then come college and I could only take it in small doses.

Like I said, I didn't feel torn down by the anxiety. It was almost non-existent. It'd creep up every now and then but overall I was all right. I left college and it got worse. 

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## acidicwithpanic (May 14, 2014)

Never made any long-term friendships. If any, they were very shortlived. I only keep in contact with one, but on an occasional basis and I wouldn't exactly consider her to be a college friend because we met and became best friends in middle school. I did try joining a few clubs, but ended up leaving after no more than a semester because of my SA. By the time I left, my SA grew even worse because there were people in these clubs that would tease me for being painfully shy and timid. They went about it in a playful, joking way, but it still made me self-conscious, and I couldn't bear embarrassing myself anymore.

Then there were people at my school that formed their cliques from the beginning. I did go out of my way to be friendly and talk to people, but it was emotionally draining having to pretend to be something I wasn't in order to make friendships. As a result, the couple of friendships I formed were shallow, and we gradually drifted apart.

I pretty much gave up on forcing myself to meet people, and eventually I became less concerned about a social life and more focused on my academics. Just had to accept that people at school bored me, and my field and other related fields are full of socially awkward guys that are only capable of talking to each other because they feel awkward around girls. So it's pretty lonely but the fact that I enjoy my work kind of makes up for the loss of friendly connections.


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## thisismeyo (Feb 15, 2013)

well college and moving out alone and such made me more independent. 

the "college experience" saying is like for extroverted folks


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## blissfullyblue (Jul 15, 2017)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> The "college experience" only exists for popular extroverted people.
> College for SA people is usually a complete total nightmare.I know many people with *real** SA* who came out of college worse than they did out of highschool.


i totally agree. the amount of anxiety i have had over the most mundane college things has taken a terrible toll on me. of course i can't explain this to anyone, such as my family or even close friends, because even it sounds crazy to me. sometimes i cry myself to sleep just waiting for the week to be over. its not the workload that stresses me out, but everything in between. what time should i get to class? why is no one sitting next to me? where am i even sitting? what if someone asks to borrow my pen and they get grossed out bc its so warm bc my hand is so sweaty from being nervous just sitting in class????????????? i could easily write a 20 page paper on this. lol


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## blissfullyblue (Jul 15, 2017)

i have definitely learned a lot about myself in college, and sometimes i find myself not caring if I'm in a really good mood, or with friends. my small group of friends is what keeps me sane, but between being at a very large school surrounded by people always, then with my friends, and coming home to roommates, i feel SO mentally exhausted all the time. i just wish college was easier for me, in terms of my SA. i want to be normal, and worry about normal things, not the fact that my depression and SA is taking a toll on my life. school is creeping up and i have to meet my new roommates and I'm so so so so nervous. ugh


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## TheInvisibleHand (Sep 5, 2015)

blissfullyblue said:


> what if someone asks to borrow my pen and they get grossed out bc its so warm bc my hand is so sweaty from being nervous just sitting in class?l


lol i thought i was the only one with that problem.I feel you.


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## BrokeTech (Jun 1, 2017)

capsulecollector said:


> Did you make new friends, join a club, find a hobby or discover your purpose in life? Or was it a time in which you withdrew further from social activity and embraced your introversion as you came to learn more about yourself?


Good question.

So, as I mentioned on another thread, I basically had three different college experiences because I attended three totally different types of colleges, lol. Two of them, however, were different schools at the same university, just on different campuses...so I say I went to one college and then transferred to the one from which I received my degree.

Anyways...

*College #1* was a huge in-state public school that my parents forced me to attend. So, I didn't want to be there. _But_ I had the most fun there. I went in guns blazing and just joined a bunch of activities and made several "friends" through that (I put it in quotations because...it was no one I got really close to/had real friendships with). I also lived on a special hall in a dorm at the school...because I was not planning to attend this school, I applied for dorm housing too late and was originally told there was nothing for me...then I lucked up and found out about this hall where all the incoming students on that hall would have certain intro classes together, like Freshman Seminar and English 101, and do events together. So, that helped a lot with making "friends."

Also, I felt like a lot of students at this school were very outgoing, so a lot of people would just start talking to me in class or invite me to do stuff without my having to make any effort. It really was great...I look back and would say I met and became cool with more people in one year at this college than I did the three years combined at the school from which I graduated.

Eventually, I quit going to all those club activities because, you know, classes (or, really, General Chemistry) got harder, lol...and the campus was too big to physically do all that getting to/from everything under the sun. The "friends" I had made on my hall always wanted to bar hop, so we did that a lot the first semester and I was over it by the second semester.

*College #2* was a very small private liberal arts school. Not much to say about it...it was boring, there was nothing around the area, clubs there were boring, the students were not as cool. I was originally really cool with my roommate, but then I realized she would talk about me in Korean on the phone and think I didn't know it. Like, she would teach me Korean words and, I guess, thought I'd forget them, lol. I didn't, and that was the end of that friendship. I did make one really good friend, though, and we still talk every now and then.

*College #3* was about 6000 undergrads--private school--and I really just used the size to get lost and do my own thing. I was usually in my dorm room creating songs and chatting with other musicians online if I wasn't in class. Lots of rich, snobby kids. Most of the people I socialized with at all came from College #2 with me to this campus, and, aside from that one friend I had, I really didn't connect with the group from College #2 until my senior year because several of us ended up in the same Poetry class.

****tl;dr* I mean, socially, #2 and #3 sucked bad, but I chose that school because it was a top 20 school and could help me get into a top law school, not for the social scene. I always tell young people now when they're trying to choose among colleges that different schools produce vastly different experiences depending on things like size, location, academic rep, public vs private, athletic focus, Greek system focus, etc, and that if they care a lot about social benefits to go to a big public school, especially one that's into sports (because I find those student bodies tend to be more well-rounded, more fun, less snobby, etc). Assuming we're talking about the US, of course.


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## blissfullyblue (Jul 15, 2017)

TheInvisibleHand said:


> lol i thought i was the only one with that problem.I feel you.


im so happy i found this forum, lol


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## Nitrogen (Dec 24, 2012)

I love the college experience of four years of suicidal ideation and student debt it's a good time 👌

In seriousness, my first year of college was poor. I got better at socializing and started forcing myself to interact more with people by attending clubs by my sophomore year which made things somewhat better. I live at home though and commute to school, which makes it tougher for me to actually... meet people.. and not feel like a child, either. I actually like what I'm studying though and I get to focus on my academics, which is a plus side to having a very limited social life.

It's tolerable, I guess. It gives me a reason to get out of bed and do something meaningful. The whole 'college experience' thing is blown way out of proportion tbh, even for extroverted people (they end up partying or one or two semesters and end up getting kicked out due to low gpa).


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## 2Milk (Oct 29, 2014)

My college experience was terrible so I dropped out. I basically showed up to class, took notes, and went back home. I did that for almost 2 years.

I might go back to school, but so far I actually find that working helps me more with being social.


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## dc634 (Dec 3, 2014)

The college experience was fine for me but I did not especially enjoy it. Ended up "rushing" through it by getting my degree in 3 years, something I intended to do as soon as my boring first semester was completed. I got lucky in that one of my roommates my Sophomore year was/is incredibly extroverted and we became friends really quick which introduced me to far more social situations than I would have otherwise had in college. I'm glad I'm done with college as I really just viewed it as a springboard to a future career, but I didn't despise my time at school and plan to enroll in grad school in the next year or so.


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## thetown (Aug 16, 2014)

I wished that I joined clubs/organizations and talked to more people in freshman and sophomore years. I was too naive to think that I could get through college on my own since it worked for me in high school. Connections are everything in life. It's how you get the best jobs and advance your career.


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## srschirm (Jun 25, 2006)

I didn't take full advantage of the "college experience," that's for sure. I lived at home and commuted. I wish I had opened up more, but I suppose at the time I wasn't ready. I'd do a lot better if I knew then what I know now.


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## XxOmegaBlackxX (Jul 20, 2017)

I went to a state university and lived near so commuted

Beginning was horrible, as I got older, got more confident because I worked out, took better care of myself, and like everyone else, you get to understand yourself a bit better, and what works, and what doesn't for yourself, as you get older.

I definitely didn't utilize clubs, volunteering etc... as much as a I could, but I did utilize study groups , volunteered sparsely and did some clubs like biology/chemistry


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## moonlightpath77 (Aug 16, 2015)

I'm about to start my senior year. Since starting college I have not made a ton of friends. I used to have a close group of friends but we drifted apart. My closet girl friend graduated last semester. I'm about to start my senior year without any close friends. I do know quite a few people but I'm not really friends with them. We chat in class and just say hi to each other if we see each other outside of class. I wish I had more friends. I do have friends who I met outside of school but they're guys. I wish I had girl friends so I could relate to them more but overall I am grateful I have my male friends outside of school. When I'm at school I usually keep to myself. If I'm not in class I spend my time in my dorm room, I like going shopping by myself, I like walking around cities by myself. I do a lot of stuff by myself. If I go out with my guy friends we usually go to bars or to lunch/dinner. I wish my college experience were different


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## shyguy07 (Mar 22, 2015)

I enjoyed college for the most part aside from the awkward class experiences and a few professors who made me uncomfortable. But they weren't that bad.

I would say the earlier college years were more fun because everything was new and I made friends. But my best friend moved off to another college so we didn't hang out as much until after he moved back.

I'm way different than I was then though. Unfortunately I'm more quiet and introverted than I was during college.


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## marylight (Jul 2, 2017)

I actually just graduated from high school. Im going to collage now. I really don't want to. I know its going to be a living hell for me. All alone surrounded by people I don't know. And don't get me started with the group projects and presentations. This is so going to affect my grades in a really bad way... *Sigh* I hate my life. My social skills are a freaking mess. I never know how to talk to people. 

My family is expecting too much from me. They think I am all right but in reality I am a mess. They know that I have social anxiety(I also have depression but they refuse to believe it) but they don't understand it at all. My mom confuses it with shyness...Its not. Im probably gonna end up working at a McDonalds lol.

Collage is fun but only for people who are extroverted in my opinion. Lets see how it goes for me.


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## Alpha Tauri (Mar 19, 2017)

It's not only for extroverted people. 

I became more social, well, more social that I could ever be, at least, that time. Forced myself to hang out (I've always been the one to go home first after classes) with new people and eventually became part of their circles. Joined orgs like Red Cross, the university yearbook staff, the weekly publication staff, even stage crew for several shows and just had fun. Never joined a night out though until my friends were in their final year (got left behind because I transferred to another field of study). Some of these people I still hang out with from time to time. 

Throughout college, I saw my peers getting into relationships, joining fraternities, and going to frequent night outs and while that made me feel bad, I just busied myself with curricular and extracurricular activities; those really helped. 

There were plenty of times when I'd felt left out with my own friends, but looking back, the problem was with me not communicating. That's why it's really important. If you want to be remembered and be part of a group, be visible.


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## nal112 (Aug 21, 2017)

Junior here. So far, I've had a very mixed experience with my SA and the college experience. I would say that I've done well with clubs and leadership. I've done a lot working with other people on campus that have SA, other kinds of anxieties, and depression, and it has helped me at least tolerate school. But, my SA has only gotten really bad recently, so I had some friends in the beginning of my college time (who I slowly lost) and all of my leadership came about when I was better. Over the past year, I slowly lost my friends, stopped going to classes, avoided my dorm for a whole semester and a half (literally stayed in the library cubicles until 3 AM just to avoid them), and did the bare minimum for my clubs. 

Never partied or rushed, as these are my worst nightmares. I feel like I am missing out on enjoying college, but whatever.


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