# Is Maladaptive Daydreaming Bad?



## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

I know we already have a billion threads on daydreaming, but I wanted to talk about this specifically as it's been on my mind for a very long time...

I have experienced maladaptive daydreaming all my life, starting at perhaps 11-12 years old. Having chronic dissociation, social phobia/selective mutism, no friends/socialization etc - of course I developed this as a coping mechanism. I'm pretty sure quite a few people here have as well. They can become extremely vivid and I can completely tune out my surroundings. Sometimes I'll be so into them, that my body will instinctively move as to whatever movements I'm making in the daydream. Usually it's of a romantic nature, though not sexual (my doctor has a hard time with that concept.:roll) My daydreams are apparently unusual however, my doctor doesn't think they are healthy daydreams.

Whether they are typical subjects or not - is it bad to constantly be living through daydreams? Am I making myself worse by engaging in this? Honestly, without daydreaming, I think I would become even more depressed than I already am. In my daydreams I can be with someone, I can live out the things I desire, all the secrets that I want that I will never ever have in real life. I don't have friends, no boyfriend, no job, no school at the moment. I have nothing and experience nothing. So daydreaming is often a salvation for me. If I didn't have the ability to engage in it, I'd probably get extremely depressed and suicidal. Daydreaming is a coping mechanism, although it does make me sad that it will never occur in real life.

And since my daydreams _are_ of an unusual nature, it's guaranteed that I'll never experience it in real life. So if I acquire a social life eventually, it will still be too mundane for me to actually enjoy it. I also fear that I'll never have a boyfriend because they wouldn't live up to my daydreams. In my daydreams, I have a very specific type of "guy" in them, one that I wouldn't be able to find because it's just not real.

What do you guys think? Is this making me worse? I feel like my life will never be worth it because I'm not experiencing what I want to like in my daydreams.

Not even sure what type of responses I am looking for anyways. I think I just needed to get this out and talk about it.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

The rational part of my brain says it's unhealthy, especially if taken to an extreme. However, there's the irrational part of my brain that engages in similar stuff all day long. The cold hard truth is, for those of us who really DON'T have a social life or even many social prospects, this might be all we have. How can it interfere with something you don't have, right? I have to offer a caveat and say, if the chance ever comes when you CAN attain something a daydream might get in the way of, at least try to go for it. But when we have nothing else to turn to, we shouldn't be made to feel bad that we turn to our daydreams.

Mine are unusual in that I don't daydream about myself, rather I roleplay or daydream about my characters. But goodness, at least they have lives, unlike me. And yeah, none of this is stuff that would actually happen to me even if I didn't have anxiety, so... :roll

I used to be able to cope with difficult situations by slipping into my characters' minds and letting them handle the painful emotions until I could get over it. I told myself this was unhealthy and to stop doing it, to "own" my own emotions rather than give them to somebody more able to deal with them, even if that somebody was just a part of me. God, do I regret ever making myself do this.  One of the biggest mistakes of my life. Perhaps it would've made more sense if I'd had a backup coping technique to turn to, but I didn't, and I still don't. I haven't improved despite therapy, so yeah, I'd love the ability to completely withdraw sometimes. And that coping mechanism was really useful when I had it. I could get out of a bad mood in no time, because my characters would handle it for me. Now, I'm left dealing with it on my own, and I suck at it. 

I say, until the option really comes up for something better to come along (and that doesn't mean don't actively search for it, but I'm being realistic here, most of us HAVE already tried, and tried hard), don't feel too guilty about your daydreams. They might be a crutch, but when you have a bad leg that won't heal, sometimes you just need a crutch.

I like to think that were the chance to arise, I'd be able to stop relying so much on living in my head, and live more in the real world, but that opportunity hasn't arisen yet, even despite me straining for it. So, until then, fantasy it is. Just being realistic. We don't all have something more real we can turn to in times of need, so we take what we can get. :/


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

Yep its bad. Very addictive. I also makes you really depressed when you stop, if you haven't already noticed. Its literally an invisible drug. 

I would limit how much time you spend doing it and get a hobby that you can absorb yourself in. This is better than day dreaming.


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## Invisiblehandicap (Jul 31, 2011)

I think this is relevant. Avoidant personality disorder subtype:

"THE SELF-DESERTING AVOIDANT
A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last
subtype of avoidant patterns. Self-deserting avoidants combine the social (interpersonal)
retreating of the avoidant with the ruminative (cognitive) self-devaluation of the
depressive personality. These individuals immerse themselves in a surrogate fantasy
existence to avoid the discomfort of having to relate to others. They are not, however,
unaware of their use of these tactics (unless, for example, they are concurrently experiencing
a major depressive episode with psychosis), and this makes them painfully aware
of their perceived inadequacies. Fantasy gradually becomes less effective, and their
thoughts center more and more on the misery of their lives and the anguish of past experiences.
Waking dreams are displaced by painful ruminations.
Thus totally interiorized, the feelings that motivated their initial withdrawal reverberate
unremittingly. More and more, they cannot tolerate being themselves and seek
to completely withdraw from their own conscious awareness, an existential abnegation
of selfhood. Some become increasingly neglectful psychologically and physically, even
to the point of neglecting basic hygiene. Some plunge into despair and are driven toward
suicide, abandoning life as a means of ridding themselves of inner anguish and
horror of their own identities. Others regress into a state of emotional numbness in
which they are completely disconnected from themselves. In particularly severe cases,
the structure of consciousness itself may split or fragment, leaving a regressive disorganization
reminiscent of the schizotypal personality. As this process proceeds, selfdeserting
avoidants become outside spectators, observing from without the drama of
their frightening transformation."


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## yes (Feb 27, 2008)

I can't do things like this. My mind is too active and alert to let it's guard down. The best I can get are vague, half formed images in my mind on "What if?" scenarios. Even my dreams have this same "unclear" quality. I don't know how you can let go at all to daydream.

In my spare time I'm refreshing to death all my usual places for news and updates. That sounds like it's directly tied into alertness.


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## Xtraneous (Oct 18, 2011)

I used to do that quite a lot. Unhealthy but I didn't really care.


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## softshock11 (Jan 9, 2011)

It happens to me so much sometimes i dont even notice when it starts i just find myself zoned out in a daydream


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## jc22 (Jul 5, 2012)

I do this all the time too but it just hit home with what you said. I have most of things you pointed out ( moving involuntarily etc) and I reckon it does make things worse.

It lets us cope but i think it will keep us from talking to people because we enjoy it. I realised just how much I daydream when I had a job and had to sustain socialising for 8 hours a day. I kept daydreaming to cope and must have looked really strange.


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## Monroee (Aug 26, 2009)

Thanks for the responses, guys. I do feel as though I fit in the self-deserting Avoidant sub-type, I've read that before. I'm diagnosed as AvPD, so it's not far-fetched that I would fit into that description. 

I guess it's pretty obvious that daydreaming like this isn't really gonna help the status of my mental health, but at the moment, it's really an important coping mechanism for me. I don't socialize with others nor do I have any chance to, so the only way to feel a sense of connection is to either chat on forums or to daydream. I only have my mother to talk to on a regular basis, I don't live with other family members, I only see them every couple of weeks. 

Sometimes I feel as though daydreaming helps me be a bit more creative as well. I love to do creative writing, so sometimes being able to come up with things in my mind helps me write. That's one good side effect that I could come up with. The only problem with that is, I sit down to write something else, it seems too slow for me, so I prefer to just sit and live through it in my mind rather than write it down.. I'll have to work on making sure to focus on the writing instead.


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## Miss Imaginary (Jul 4, 2012)

This definitely relates to me and I'm really happy to have a place to talk about it ( I tried to broach the subject with my mother once but she just stared at me like I was insane). 

I have been doing this as far as I can remember where I would create characters and live them in my head. When I first come up with a new one it's like the rush of inspiration is so great I have no choice but to spend ages daydreaming - working out my story etc - it's like a compulsion. This has lessened over time though. 

A few years ago I was in a much better place socially speaking, and I found that the desire to daydream was much less, and far less rewarding when I did. This happened naturally without me consciously trying to alter myself in any way.
So I feel torn - is it something I just use when I need it, or is it actively preventing me from forming relationships? I do find it difficult to focus on people or boring activities because I find it far too easy to slip away in my head...

I know this can't be healthy but it's just so addictive - a perfect story tailored to you whenever you want.


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## tehuti88 (Jun 19, 2005)

Monroee said:


> Sometimes I feel as though daydreaming helps me be a bit more creative as well. I love to do creative writing, so sometimes being able to come up with things in my mind helps me write. That's one good side effect that I could come up with. The only problem with that is, I sit down to write something else, it seems too slow for me, so I prefer to just sit and live through it in my mind rather than write it down.. I'll have to work on making sure to focus on the writing instead.


This is something I believe but also need to get working on, too. So, you're not alone there, at least! :blush


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## vhs198 (Jul 3, 2012)

I'm really glad that I read this thread--it seems that I've been doing this for years and only now can I finally put a name with it.

My daydreams usually involve listening to my favorite music, and I picture myself as a musician and the one playing it to a crowd of people. I also have daydreams where I am the ideal person I want to be (charismatic, outgoing, good-looking, etc.) and imagine myself in social situations like being with friends, being at a party, etc. After daydreaming though, I usually feel worse, and I feel like I regress in my SA symptoms--I get a feeling of emptiness and failure, knowing that I'm not who I am in my daydreams.


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## Smoothie (Feb 14, 2012)

I like it,it's a great way to pass time,and as a creative person,I really enjoy it.I have thousands of different characters for myself,and even made 3 friends that live in one of my alternate universe.
My only issue it's that it made me hide from my problem as transsexual,and how I wish I could come out at 10 so I'll avoid puberty through medication.


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## lisac1919 (Jul 20, 2013)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I think this is relevant. Avoidant personality disorder subtype:
> 
> "THE SELF-DESERTING AVOIDANT
> A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last
> ...


wow, this description is so mother f**king depressing. It really makes me feel like I have no fighting chance and I will die miserable.


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## daniel rogers (May 2, 2014)

*Continual Burnout*

Hello i am writing this feeling burndout from maladaptive daydreaming to day for no more than 20 min i used to do it for a lot longer when i was younger but i spend alot of time trying to break from this addiction through the years and believe it is an addiction as well as a response to emotional upset, I am warning you that it could turn into what i have where whenever i daydream my head starts to feel strange and very tired in a way you cannot ignore! only sleeps truly helps, this is so bad that i find the ocd i also have nothing compared to this so just try to stop mine never used to give these symptoms but now they do! and it takes over everything!


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## Centipede (Nov 7, 2012)

(I see this has been necro'd, but felt the need to comment.)

Hello, I've also been a Maladaptive Daydreamer since I was around the age of twelve. I am now turning 27.

I think the worst part about my MD is that I've become so absorbed with it and attached to my imaginary life that, as others have said, nothing in the real world seems like it could ever live up to the expectations of what I desire anymore. I can definitely relate to the topic creator, as I understand full well what it's like to want something that doesn't exist or is impossible. Especially when it is about being with someone "unique", if you will. And the longer you go down this road, the more extreme the situation becomes, because your mind keeps needing more excitement, so your desire becomes more and more outlandish than before.

I think part of why I am drawn to such unrealistic beings in my head is because I feel like I am on a level playing field with them emotionally, in contrast to how I feel like I fail as a human being. I always compare myself to other people in the real world and just feel like I don't belong. In my head I tend to make friends with strange things, where there is no right or wrong and I don't have to feel like I'm comparing myself to them, as we are so clearly different and as such we are stronger together as well as both blissfully ignorant to each others ways. I feel wanted and useful rather than a burden or let down to my own kind. In fact being around strangeness helps me feel normal, I suppose.

I also identify as an asexual, so my relationships in my head are that of a level of intimacy that I do not think I could get in real life. I've developed several fetishes in fact, that can't really be fulfilled in real life either. (If you do not know about asexuality, it's actually pretty common to desire romance and have fetishes, you just don't find any attraction to people in the normal sense and have no interest in the act of sex at all.)

My MD has definitely gotten worse the last few years. During school I was busy with friends and gaming more often, I worked on websites and had other hobbies as well to fill my time, so the MD was pretty much isolated to night time when I would listen to music and lose myself, or during class when I was supposed to be studying. Now that I am older and have been much less social and involved with things, I find myself unable to stop daydreaming at times. It happens throughout the whole day, no matter what I am doing, work, etc..

Lately I have become extremely depressed by it. I have those moments where I remember that no matter what I do or what happens, I can't have what I want. I can't be with anyone like I want. I used to joke to myself and say that when I die, perhaps the afterlife lets you visit and create the things you want most (my version of heaven), but sadly, I am not religious, nor do I believe in such an afterlife, and even if I was religious, no religion promises such things.

I know this is an odd subject.

Just felt like sharing.


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## digitalbath (Feb 1, 2012)

Hmm. That self deserting avoidant sounds like me pretty much to a tee. 

To answer your question, I do it, but only at night. Kind of like a daydream that helps me slip into unconsciousness in my nighttime dreams. Maybe sometimes I'll wake up with a good dream and stay extra long in bed to somehow prolong that dream. I dunno, I guess when you're in bed and half-asleep they feel more real. My daytime dreaming is hardly ever half as strong. Unless I've got music on and have my eyes closed, which, again, I'm trying to slip into that night-dream state somehow.

I don't think it's bad, unless you find yourself slipping into it in all your waking hours. Kind of like Walter Mitty (which was a really great movie by the way OP, I think you'd like it). If you're doing that as you're going about your daily chores, eating, bathing, etc, then I think it would be harmful. (Though I'm not sure how you manage that anyway b/c daydreaming for me at least requires shutting everything out and full concentration.)

I love my day/night dreams. I wouldn't give them up for the world.


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## Brittany5000 (May 25, 2014)

Invisiblehandicap said:


> I think this is relevant. Avoidant personality disorder subtype:
> 
> "THE SELF-DESERTING AVOIDANT
> A clear example of the influence of different personality domains is found in this last
> ...


Holy crap. This is me. I forced myself to stop when I was 15. Stopping was complete hell. I still have daydreams when I'm stressed but they've changed into daydreams about what I'll do if the "worst" happens. Sometimes they end well and sometimes I get tired of my BS and go to sleep, feel like crap for days, swear I wont do it again.

I had no idea this was a "thing" that anybody else knew about or documented.


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## Earl of Lemongrab (May 15, 2012)

OP, you might be interested in this comic I completed last year that is partly based on the experience of maladaptive daydreaming: http://schizocomic.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/title-page/
I've suffered from this disorder for as long as I can remember, so I know all too well how it feels. It's a coping mechanism that is used to detract yourself from the reality of how your life is really like vs. an idealized version of yourself in a completely different world, with different experiences and upbringing, parents, etc. It is extremely counterproductive and harmful, as like a recreational drug, it can only provide temporary relief/escape from real world problems that you will eventually be forced to take on anyway.


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## badlifesyndrome (Jan 29, 2015)

*maladaptive dreaming as a response to stress*

Found this thread really useful. Was wondering if anyone else, as a direct response to money worries has ever found themselves dreaming about being someone horrible (as in abusive) but financially stable? I find I have to make myself think about this place as a way to get myself to sleep but it doesn't work if I imagine the place being nicer. But the idea of this bad place is starting to intrude in the day time and make me depressed and lethargic.


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## badlifesyndrome (Jan 29, 2015)

*re: above post*

Sorry that was meant to say 'somewhere horrible' not 'someone horrible'


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## MrImaginary (Feb 25, 2015)

digitalbath said:


> Hmm. That self deserting avoidant sounds like me pretty much to a tee.
> 
> To answer your question, I do it, but only at night. Kind of like a daydream that helps me slip into unconsciousness in my nighttime dreams. Maybe sometimes I'll wake up with a good dream and stay extra long in bed to somehow prolong that dream. I dunno, I guess when you're in bed and half-asleep they feel more real. My daytime dreaming is hardly ever half as strong. Unless I've got music on and have my eyes closed, which, again, I'm trying to slip into that night-dream state somehow.
> 
> ...


Yes its true. I also found myself like that. It is much help as well.. like in physics I can use my imagination to visualize what would happen next.. so guys try this gift to use in some importants ways.. I would also love to die if I loss my MD .. IM PROUD TO BE AN MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING BEARER


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