# I feel a bit like Dexter Morgan?



## MoonlitMadness (Mar 11, 2013)

By the way, don't reveal any spoilers here.. I've only seen three series. But yeah. I watched the first two series a while ago and remember feeling an overwhelming sense of.. what's the word? Relation? :/ And I just watched the third series and again, a year or so later, I have this same feeling. I don't mean I want to kill people lol. I just seem to lack emotion. I do feel emotion in that I get quite jealous and angry, but I rarely seem excited about anything that happens to me. I also have a worrying lack of sexual desire. I only touch myself when I force myself to, in order to feel normal. And in a relationship I just have sex with my partner to keep them satisfied. But it is such a chore. And not because they've been unattractive either. I don't want to say I'm asexual, because there is a tiny amount of desire there, and it used to be a lot greater a few years ago. I wish I had more of a sex drive. Also, when I'm in a relationship I feel like I'm in love but when it ends, I just feel so much better.. no pressure to meet their friends or have sex or act a certain way.

I feel so detached from everyone too. At work, everyone is so loud and talks and talks and never listens. I get so bored having to say "Oh really?" and nod and smile to what everyone says, and when the customers try and small talk with me. What struck me the other day was that when I went on a rollercoaster I felt alive for the first time in a while (by the way, is there anything I can do to get this sort of adrenaline rush again, apart from go on a ride lol?).. I felt genuinely scared. Sure I get scared, I have anxiety of course, but it always feels like it's someone else's fear. And my achievements feel like someone else's too. I feel like an alien, and like I don't connect with anyone.


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## always starting over (Mar 15, 2013)

MoonlitMadness said:


> I do feel emotion in that I get quite jealous and angry, but I rarely seem excited about anything that happens to me.
> 
> I feel so detached from everyone too. At work, everyone is so loud and talks and talks and never listens. *I get so bored having to say "Oh really?" and nod and smile to what everyone says*


People always say I never seem excited. I just never feel like visibly expressing my emotions, especially excitement. It just feels artificial. And any conversation bores me to death. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to really. I just sit there cooperating, wishing it will end ASAP.

Whenever Dexter brings in some donuts, looking all friendly, but he has this internal monologue of annoyance at his dumb co-workers going on...That's me.


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## MoonlitMadness (Mar 11, 2013)

always starting over said:


> People always say I never seem excited. I just never feel like visibly expressing my emotions, especially excitement. It just feels artificial. And any conversation bores me to death. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to really. I just sit there cooperating, wishing it will end ASAP.
> 
> Whenever Dexter brings in some donuts, looking all friendly, but he has this internal monologue of annoyance at his dumb co-workers going on...That's me.


It's exactly the same for me. It feels kind of cool to relate to someone when I watch Dexter, but then I remember it's not real lol! But you've shown that there are people I can relate to. I still really wish I could feel the way others do and generally be excited by things and have sexual desire etc rather than just pretending. I don't want to shun human company as it does make me feel better, I just wish my heart was in it.


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## coffeeandflowers (Mar 2, 2013)

I do as well. Like, I am also trying to find a way I can interact in the world, as I don't quite feel like everyone else, more like an alien. Wish I had a Harry to guide me, lol. I love the show. Just finished watching Sunday's episode actually.


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## Oogliemoovaeffer (Jul 24, 2013)

Ha, yea I think Vince Masuka is the perfect type of person we'd wish to avoid even though he means well. I hate small talk so much that I do this fake chuckle and then they seem to think they're impressing me with a long story, but oh god it's so draining pretending to be interested and fake smiling.

Seriously can't people just look closely at body language. When someone does the exact same chuckle over and over again how can you not pick up on that? Or when people try so hard with those long jokes that last an hour and you're forced to laugh at the end..but oh no they think that you thought it was funny so they tell even more!

I'm emotionally disconnected like Dexter I would say.


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## Creepy Little Clown (Jun 15, 2013)

I love the show, so told my sister to watch it, after the first episode, she said that's you (apart from the killing) 
I guess we're all a little bit Dexter :/


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