# One night stands? yes or no?



## shynesshellasucks

Suppose you are single. Would you do them provided you have the right protection and are physically attracted to the person?

I personally would do them often. I think guys outnumber the women that are in favor of them.


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## fonz

I might be in the minority on this,but if even if I was a sex machine I don't think I'd want to do one night stands. Of course,it's easy to say this given I've never done it...


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## GunnyHighway

The act of sex alone, with pretty much no meaning, doesn't appeal to me. I'm not one who wants to wait for marriage, but I'd at least want the two of us to know each other and have mutual feelings.


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## Lisa

Sexually transmitted diseases, anyone?


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## Music Man

Lisa said:


> Sexually transmitted diseases, anyone?


Yes please - with extra cherries on top!

Nope, I would never even consider one night stands :no


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## Stilla

Couldn't imagine it to be enjoyable in any way. I wouldn't look down on other people for doing it though.


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## Think_For_Yourself

Hell yes, sign me up. Unless I was in a serious relationship of course, which is ultimately all I really want.


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## humourless

I don't get as many as I used to.


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## leave me alone

It doesnt sound very appealing to me. Maybe if i was less shy and was more attractive, i would feel different about this, but then.. i would be completly different person.


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## northstar1991

I personally would'nt have a one night stand. I would rather have an emotional connection and know the guy well before we that far.


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## hmnut

Lisa said:


> Sexually transmitted diseases, anyone?


Okay let's go back to health class for a minute, please.

You don't get a STD from having a one night stand. You get it from having unprotected sex. Obviously if you have a lot of one night stands without the use of proper protection you greatly increase your chances of getting an STD but the Topic Creator said "proper protection."

I only bring this up because this topic seems to be more about the moral and emotional aspects of having a one night stand. If we want to talk about sex education we should start a different topic because a lot of people get STDs without ever having a one night stand.


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## lad

I don't see what's wrong with it, it's just fun.


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## Witchcraft

No, thanks.


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## Double Indemnity

I like the idea of, say, meeting someone at the hotel bar of the place you're staying at, hooking up, and then never seeing that person again. There's something sexy and mysterious about it. A drunken, bar pick-up - eh, not so much. But never say never


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## Rixy

Meh, I'll wait.


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## Innamorata

Hell no. Relationships only.


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## IcedOver

Right at the moment, I'm not interested in a one night stand because I have no experience whatsoever and really want a first time to be with someone I have been dating for a little bit (although I have no desire for a long-term relationship or marriage). However, if I would get over that hump of having a first sexual experience, I'd definitely be open to a one night stand, for certain.


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## diamondheart89

No, I've had more than a few opportunities but it's not for me. I need an emotional connection - without one, the act of sex is boring.


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## Elleire

I wouldn't, but it's not for having anything against one night stands. Even if I were to miraculously find someone willing, I know I'm not anywhere near comfortable enough with how I look to go through with it, or if I did, it'd be too self-conscious and awkward to be enjoyable anyway... defeating the purpose. If I looked good, then I certainly would. It wouldn't be something I'd make a habit out of, but to take care of needs and have fun once in a great while, sure. I have no desire for a relationship, and given proper protection as well as attraction, I really can't see a downside, TBH.


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## blue the puppy

eh, ive done it.. don't think id do it again, but i'm not really ashamed of it either ..


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## NoName99

lad said:


> I don't see what's wrong with it, it's just fun.


This. I'd do it every once in a while just for fun, why not? Of course I'd prefer a relationship, but not everything has to be taken so seriously.


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## anonymous soul

Not for me...I'd rather have a relationship I think. Not saying it could never happen, but most likely not


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## meganmila

I've done it before but now I wouldn't do it. I rather have someone I would be able to commincate with and have feelings for.


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## Freiheit

No because I consider it to be nasty.


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## watashi

No. For me there has to be emotional attraction before I become sexually attracted to someone and emotional attraction takes time to develop.


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## blue the puppy

watashi said:


> No. For me there has to be emotional attraction before I become sexually attracted to someone and emotional attraction takes time to develop.


it's amazing how alcohol allows one to bypass the emotional attraction phase and go straight for the sexual attraction :b
(im not teasing you, im just making light of the topic)


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## Metal_Heart

I would _never_
and that is not just out of social anxiety.

Sex should be something between two people who care about and trust each other, not something shared between strangers. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was the "one night stand" kind of person either.

I don't know why, just the idea disgusts me.


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## meganmila

I don't think One night stands are gross. If they did use protection, everything is consesual and no one gets hurt then so be it. Everybody keeps saying they are disgusting I mean it's not for me right now I guess but I don't think it's entirely gross.


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## crsohr

lad said:


> I don't see what's wrong with it, it's just fun.


Exactly! I don't see the problem if you are being safe and both parties are single. On the rare times I go clubbing or whatever I always ALWAYS have a condom on me, not because I'm expecting anything to happen but just in case it does I'm prepared. I've never done it, but if the girl wanted to I wouldn't have a problem with it. Nothing wrong with having a good time.


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## JimmyDeansRetartedCousin

Nothing wrong with them, especially so if it lessens peoples reverence for sex. Which a lotof people tend to do to excess.

Just keep it clean and safe.


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## Just Lurking

I'd fool around, for sure, but going the distance with some random stranger doesn't appeal to me.


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## Matomi

No.


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## shadowmask

I'd be willing, but whether I'd end up enjoying it or not, I can't say.


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## watashi

blue the puppy said:


> it's amazing how alcohol allows one to bypass the emotional attraction phase and go straight for the sexual attraction :b
> (im not teasing you, im just making light of the topic)


Alcohol certainly makes me more social, but not social enough to make my clothes come off. Then again I never drink enough to lose control of my own actions completely.


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## foe

I've done it and would do it again if I'm desperate, otherwise I'd rather be in a committed relationship. 

One night stand sex is just really really bad. And I don't mean in terms of morals or anything like that, I'm talking about the act itself.


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## millenniumman75

I’m a MALE and would try to avoid them or never do them.

People give birth to diseases this way, too.


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## komorikun

I don't know how other females have such great self-control. If a really hot guy offers and I'm in the mood, it's hard to refuse. My hormones get the best of me, even knowing that the sex won't be that great. If the guy is just mediocre looking, I'm not tempted. In that case, I'd rather just eat cookie dough and jerk off at home. 

Relationship sex is much better but you might be waiting months or years for the guy to come along.


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## Glacial

I think sex is best when shared between two people who can trust each other and also share that emotional bond (and knowing that person is still going to be by your side when morning comes). Sure, it may sound fun to some people, but if you're thinking realistically, are you really going to feel good about the whole situation afterward? You'll probably just be off to the next thrill.

I am not saying I'd judge someone else for doing it, but I don't like the idea of it.


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## Double Indemnity

komorikun said:


> I don't know how other females have such great self-control. If a really hot guy offers and I'm in the mood, it's hard to refuse. My hormones get the best of me, even knowing that the sex won't be that great. If the guy is just mediocre looking, I'm not tempted. In that case, I'd rather just eat cookie dough and jerk off at home.
> 
> Relationship sex is much better but you might be waiting months or years for the guy to come along.


*Starts golf claps for komorikun*

I messed around with guys in college. While we didn't have sex sex, they were kind of one night stands. I'm glad I did it. It was fun. Should have done more of it.


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## River In The Mountain

Nah.


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## Rasputin_1

Yeah but I dont date those girls.


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## blue the puppy

foe said:


> One night stand sex is just really really bad. And I don't mean in terms of morals or anything like that, I'm talking about the act itself.


its true. from my (limited) experience, the buildup and anticipation is the best part. the sex itself is a let down.


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## Cynical

I didn't vote I belong to the category of Male but might try to do it one time then go from that experience.... I'm pretty paranoid as it is I don't believe I can do things like that on an occasional basis.


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## heroin

I'm a guy and it's hard enough to get others to notice me much less proposition me for sex. So the point is moot.


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## laura024

Hell no.


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## millenniumman75

Metal_Heart said:


> I would _never_
> and that is not just out of social anxiety.
> 
> Sex should be something between two people who care about and trust each other, not something shared between strangers. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was the "one night stand" kind of person either.
> 
> I don't know why, just the idea disgusts me.


W00t! Nicely put!


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## Dane

ugh no.


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## DeeperUnderstanding

No, I would never do them.


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## equiiaddict

No thanks. I've never been one for casual sex. To me, it's something special that should be shared between two people and I would only have it if I was in a serious relationship with someone. And if that makes me a prude - so be it.


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## dlennr

I find meaningless sex disgusting. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think sex ought to be reserved for marriage.


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## Scrub-Zero

Not interested.


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## hypestyle

provided that certain pragmatic prevention is in order (i.e., condoms, additional birth-control) the idea is attractive.. of course, all I can consider is the 'idea', I've never had the 'opportunity'..


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## Dan iel

Going back to their place to hang out and become friends would be about a thousand times better.

Making a friend that will be there for you and someone to get to know is way more exciting.


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## AK32

GunnyHighway said:


> The act of sex alone, with pretty much no meaning, doesn't appeal to me. I'm not one who wants to wait for marriage, but I'd at least want the two of us to know each other and have mutual feelings.


 I feel the same way in order for me to be comfortable I would have to know and trust the guy and of course be attracted to him.


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## Hello22

Not for me, would never judge anyone else for doing it, but not my cup of tea. And i dont think i'd like to be in a relationship with someone who slept with lots of women, a very big turnoff for me.


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## SAgirl

I did many years ago but couldn't emotionally handle it.


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## Misanthropic79

Never have, never will. You tend to get better at it as a couple who've experienced each other more than once so I don't see the point in one night stands anyways.


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## meganmila

komorikun said:


> I don't know how other females have such great self-control. If a really hot guy offers and I'm in the mood, it's hard to refuse. My hormones get the best of me, even knowing that the sex won't be that great. If the guy is just mediocre looking, I'm not tempted. In that case, I'd rather just eat cookie dough and jerk off at home.
> 
> Relationship sex is much better but you might be waiting months or years for the guy to come along.


Who am I kidding I totally agree.


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## proximo20

shynesshellasucks said:


> Suppose you are single. Would you do them provided you have the right protection and are physically attracted to the person?
> 
> I personally would do them often. I think guys outnumber the women that are in favor of them.


You should have added one more option: "I am a single female and I am on a vacation."


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## MoniqueS

I've actually given a lot of thought to this one. I probably wouldn't do it, but I can see the appeal. It kind of takes the pressure off when you know you are never going to see the person again and have no real emotional attachment to them. So you can't really be rejected. But I'm not just interested in sex right now, I aspire to actually have a real relationship.


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## jamesd

Anything is better than sleeping alone. It's the most loneliest feeling of all.


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## VanDamMan

Only if she drove a nice car or.


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## TPower

One nights sex would be awful, especially for a woman.

Why? 

Well, because, as a guy, I can say I would never eat out a sexual partner that isn't steady.


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## CynicalOptimist

Not my thing.


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## Vict0r

Never


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## BobtheBest

Hell yes. I'm single and it'll take months, years, to finally have a relationship with a girl or I may never have another one. I'm not that much of a patient guy. So, I'd rather have some "fun" now before I turn old and hormones begin to decrease. 

But if I'm in a relationship then the answer is no.


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## Ambient

I can live without the sex. It's the lack of human touch and companionship that bothers me.

I've had a one night stand before, but I do not actively seek them. I far prefer having an emotional attachment with the person.


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## Timeofallout

I opted for "_I'm a MALE and would try to avoid them or never do them." _simply because I' am terrible in the sack :|


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## Onigiri

I never have and I never will. Sex is an mental/emotional/time investment and I don't have time or energy to waste on cheap fast food (even if it's delightful for a second). I understand that some people are more open to it and I commend them for that decision. It's just not my cup of tea because I like repeat experiences and not just a one-time-deal.... more bang for the buck.


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## nemesis1

I would do them often if i could actually get them......one night stands are better than nothing i guess.

Although i would prefer to be in a relationship tho.


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## gaz

I hate the idea of sharing your body with someone you don't even know let alone be in a relationship with them. It all seems dirty. I don't feel comfortable even touching someone say on the arm.


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## Sam M.

shynesshellasucks said:


> Suppose you are single. Would you do them *provided you have the right protection* and are physically attracted to the person?
> 
> I personally would do them often. I think guys outnumber the women that are in favor of them.


Like a gun, or perhaps a katana? Then maybe.


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## hughjames95

If i could, YES.


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## Deuce92

If I could? Sure. I'd still prefer a monogamous relationship though.


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## licorice

Haven't and wouldn't. I don't think there's anything in the world I like enough to give a stranger intimate access to my body.


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## AlchemyFire

No. Had it offered to me once but wouldn't do it.


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## Ice Eyes

No for several reasons

> Condoms don't protect you from everything
> The girl might stink or be on her period
> The girl might be crazy
> Not enough chemistry for good sex. Quantity does not equal quality. If I barely know you im not doing certain things to you. eg. giving head

I'd rather have a friends with benefits


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## Lazarusx

I have multiple times..

It's fun for a while, and its usually a great substitute if it's been ages since you last had sex.. but keep in mind people usually drop their standards considerably for one night stands, especially guys.

And after a while of doing that, you really do start to crave real connection and intimacy with someone your genuinely attracted too, and not just for one night of fun.


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## mezzoforte

"I’m a FEMALE and would try to avoid them or never do them."


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## Putin

I'm a male, and I would do them every once in a while


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## JH1983

I'm not completely opposed to the idea, I've had a few in my life, but I don't go out and actively seek them. If I'm single and I stumble across one, I'll take it, otherwise I don't care. I prefer someone I connect with and have a relationship with.


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## sad vlad

Not interested.
Besides she may have been more ''visited'' than Spain in summer time. Yo no quiero STD.


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## prettyful

No because I don't want pregnancy/STDs.


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## Jesuszilla

I don't go out seeking one night stands, but I'm not opposed to it completely. Just not something I look for when I go out


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## ericj

hmnut said:


> Okay let's go back to health class for a minute, please.
> 
> You don't get a STD from having a one night stand. You get it from having unprotected sex. Obviously if you have a lot of one night stands without the use of proper protection you greatly increase your chances of getting an STD but the Topic Creator said "proper protection."
> 
> I only bring this up because this topic seems to be more about the moral and emotional aspects of having a one night stand. If we want to talk about sex education we should start a different topic because a lot of people get STDs without ever having a one night stand.


You've clearly never had sex. Condoms are laughable STD protection. They work for avoiding pregnancy if used very carefully, but bodily fluids still get everywhere and on/in everything. You need to seriously trust the other person even with a condom... Using one with a diseased person is putting you at serious risk of catching their disease...

As for a one-night-stand. No, not for me. I don't get sexually attracted anyhow, and it's way too dangerous.


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## CopadoMexicano

hell no. Unless Im very sure she doesnt have stds.


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## UNRNDM1

It's not something I seek out, but if I'm single, I have protection, and the guy isn't a complete tool, then I'll do it once in a while. But since I'm in a relationship, then it's a definite no. I'm faithful to my bf


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## Grog

Yes love them I've been in relationships long and short and the sex gets boring after a while where as one night stands are different exciting and spontaneously fun they also sometimes lead to relationships some short some long but all eventually boring 
It's only sex 
Real relationships are more about trust , honesty ,respect and being able to be yourself not just sex .
Sex is natural sex is fun and not just meant for one relationships suck and hold you back in life 
My opinion only


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## TheDarkGuardian

Notice how more girls are voting for the no and never will for ONS. 

Does this apply to girls in society or the ones with SA?


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## meganmila

I have already answered this thread. But I have done them before. So not every girl with SA will say no.


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## RelinquishedHell

I've never done a one night stand and I don't really like the idea of it. I wouldn't want to screw someone and then never see them again. The thought of it just doesn't really sit well with me.

I'd be more comfortable with a friends with benefits situation tbh.


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## Lacking Serotonin

I would like to be in a relationship first.


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## RelinquishedHell

Lacking Serotonin said:


> I would like to be in a relationship first.


They suck. Don't do it.


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## mdiada

i have and most likely would again, but not with just _anyone_


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## calichick

I lost my virginity to a one night stand. I lied to him and told him I had sex a few times before because he was uncertain about sleeping with someone under 20. It took about 5 minutes for him to get off, and I didn't get to complete the transaction on my end. I left him hanging, kissed him at the door (it was a hotel room) and never saw him again.

He told me his name, his age and his profession. I am pretty sure they were all lies.

What I mean to say, is that one night stands are actually a great way to get intimate with someone in a really short period of time without needing to know everything about them. There is something liberating about not needing to care about how you look like or feeling embarrassed about something, because you'll never see the guy again.


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## visualkeirockstar

No.


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## Tangerine

Nothing wrong with them, but they are not for me. For me, sex is very emotional. It's ten times better with a special person. I am not impulsive to the point where I need sex with someone random. Just doesn't suit my personality.


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## Persephone The Dread

No I don't need sex, so I could only see myself having sex as part of a relationship for the emotional reasons. I don't think I could have sex and then just leave/be left either. I'd feel rejected haha, which is obviously not the frame of mind for one night stands. I have no problem with other people having them though, whatever floats your boat.


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## ericj

That reminds me of this discussion I once had with a girl. It was mind-boggling to me. She said she had never _slept_ with a partner after sex. She called it some kind of "walk of shame" or something when the guy kicks her out and she has to go home.

Couldn't imagine being with someone and expecting them to leave afterward. If they needed to be somewhere and wanted it quick, maybe, but not actively limiting it to just that and kicking them out.

Serious intimate naked cuddling/nuzzling/kissing/etc is the best part, honestly. If I could just do that without all the other crap, I'd be happy.


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## EternallyRestless

I said once in a while. I wouldn't look for them regularly, but if an opportunity came I might take it. But there is still the possibility that I'm actually asexual so who knows.


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## Wacky Wednesdays

I wouldn't recommend one nighters. I regret the ones I've had because they don't compare to a loving, fulfilling relationship. They can be both physically and emotionally harming. I think girls should guard their heart and not give it up so easily.

Waking up next to my bf every morning is amazing. There's love, trust, a feeling of belonging, all the good stuff.

Waking up to a random on the other hand left me feeling awkward, uncertain, regretful and wondering 'what now?'


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## meganmila

Wacky Wednesdays said:


> I wouldn't recommend one nighters. I regret the ones I've had because they don't compare to a loving, fulfilling relationship.* They can be both physically and emotionally harming. I think girls should guard their heart and not give it up so easily.*
> 
> Waking up next to my bf every morning is amazing. There's love, trust, a feeling of belonging, all the good stuff.
> 
> Waking up to a random on the other hand left me feeling awkward, uncertain, regretful and wondering 'what now?'


I don't think that's true. I don't regret any of what i did and looking back I kind of enjoyed it cause I did meet many people.


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## Wacky Wednesdays

meganmila said:


> I don't think that's true. I don't regret any of what i did and looking back I kind of enjoyed it cause I did meet many people.


I can only speak from my own experience and those of close friends. While they can be 'fun' and exciting for a short while, they ultimately don't compare to something serious, long term and deep. Also how well do you really know the other person? Would you trust a stranger in your house, assuming they're a random you met at a club for example. I personally wouldn't endorse it, each to their own.


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## meganmila

I would say let each woman make up their mind if they want to engage in it. My advice is to use protection( duh!) and just be safe about everything. For me I got like adrenaline rush from it. And I wanted experience. I just couldn't have slept with just one person the rest of life. I'm sure relationships are better, duh I know that. But if you don't want a relationship and just want to have fun, it's yeah, fun.

And like always, I have a different view from this. Oh well.

I met most of them on the internet. I know, it's dangerous I guess. But nothing bad happened . Back then I guess I was really impulsive and wanted experience. And I have gone over to their place and nothing bad happened.

I guess I think like a man lol

And of course people here think that if someone slept around in their past can't be in long term relationships or can't change that lifestyle :roll So stupid and think it is very judgmental and kind of shaming them...nice.


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## VeMuñeca

No. Condoms aren't 100% when it comes to preventing STDs. Personally, I'd rather have sex with someone who is my boyfriend.


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## Jesuszilla

I'm curious, what are the chances of getting an STD from a one night stand?


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## meganmila

You can get an STD from anyone...and doesn't matter how many people you have been with. STDs don't care who you are.

It's better then not wearing anything. That's all I was saying.


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## Wacky Wednesdays

This was an interesting read:

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201303/sexual-hookups-and-psychological-health


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## meganmila

:stu All I'm saying is I don't regret anything I did and glad I had that type of experience. So it is what it is. And actually most of them I had sex with again so maybe they are not one night stands.


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## EternallyRestless

meganmila said:


> :stu All I'm saying is I don't regret anything I did and glad I had that type of experience. So it is what it is. And actually most of them I had sex with again so maybe they are not one night stands.


Based on my experience, I can say that the idea that casual sex emotionally hurts women is one of the biggest myths in our culture. As long as she wants it and understands that it's a casual thing, it can actually be a positive experience. I think the "hurt" and "regret" that people talk about actually come from realizing that you cared about someone who didn't care for you.


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## meganmila

EternallyRestless said:


> Based on my experience, I can say that the idea that casual sex emotionally hurts women is one of the biggest myths in our culture. As long as she wants it and understands that it's a casual thing, it can actually be a positive experience. I think the "hurt" and "regret" that people talk about actually come from realizing that you cared about someone who didn't care for you.


Maybe they are saying that to shame women into not having casual sex. How come men don't get that then. Basically men that have casual sex=stud, women = **** and should be shamed.


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## EternallyRestless

meganmila said:


> Maybe they are saying that to shame women into not having casual sex. How come men don't get that then. Basically men that have casual sex=stud, women = **** and should be shamed.


Ah, the classic double standard...


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## the collector

Yes.I don't wanna burn alive from sexual frustration while I wait for a relationship that may never come....


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## Gizamalukeix

Nope. I'm only interested in serious and deep emotional relationships. So what if I do look down on some people for having one night stands. I can think and do whatever the hell I want. I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone like that though.


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## tieffers

I'm terrified to have sex at all. It's really bad. And I wish I knew why.

I think sleeping with a stranger would leave me in a catatonic state.


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## franklin86

How do you go about getting a one night stand? Do you just ask the person if they want to have sex with you or do you actually have to say other things to them before that?


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## komorikun

meganmila said:


> You can get an STD from anyone...and doesn't matter how many people you have been with. STDs don't care who you are.
> 
> It's better then not wearing anything. That's all I was saying.


Yeah, lots of people get STDs from relationships because most people practice serial monogamy and especially men never get tested even though many STDs have no symptoms. So many ding-dongs will say they are "clean" even though they have never been tested. I got chlamydia from my 2nd boyfriend. He had no symptoms and probably got it from his ex.

Also in relationships people get lax with condoms since they "trust" each other. And the only time I got knocked up was in a relationship.


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## komorikun

franklin86 said:


> How do you go about getting a one night stand? Do you just ask the person if they want to have sex with you or do you actually have to say other things to them before that?


attraction, talking, making out, more talking, ask if they want to go to your place.


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## TenYears

I've done it in the past, but would never now. They're just not for me. And they were never that great tbh. Much better when you're with a woman you're totally into, committed to.


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## franklin86

komorikun said:


> attraction, talking, making out, more talking, ask if they want to go to your place.


Oh, I was hoping it would go:

Man: I think you're hot.
Woman: Me too
Man: Let's have sex.
Woman: Ok


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## komorikun

franklin86 said:


> Oh, I was hoping it would go:
> 
> Man: I think you're hot.
> Woman: Me too
> Man: Let's have sex.
> Woman: Ok


Nope.


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## franklin86

I guess I got to learn some game ugh


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## sleepforeverandever

Did it once.
Still regret it to this day.

But I'm an extremely emotional person, maybe it suits others but definitely not me.


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## diamondheart89

Nope.


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## rymo

I mean if I met someone at a bar or club and I was _really_ attracted to her, I would try to take her home for sure. If it didn't happen, no big deal, just try to make out and get the number at least.

If I met someone at a bar or club and I was _really_ attracted to her and I _really _liked her personality, I would still try to take her home. But in the back of my mind I would hope that she wouldn't go through with it because once that happens there's pretty much no chance I'm going to pursue anything serious with her.


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## Sacrieur

I think the answers may be skewed.

I'm in a position where I could and I don't, but I don't believe it's going to be the same for most other men (they would totally jump on the chance). I know if I didn't have SA and autism, I'd probably be sleeping with like, every girl I could (not because they prevent me, but because my personality is structured so I don't want to).


----------



## lisbeth

rymo said:


> I mean if I met someone at a bar or club and I was _really_ attracted to her, I would try to take her home for sure. If it didn't happen, no big deal, just try to make out and get the number at least.
> 
> If I met someone at a bar or club and I was _really_ attracted to her and I _really _liked her personality, I would still try to take her home. But in the back of my mind I would hope that she wouldn't go through with it because once that happens there's pretty much no chance I'm going to pursue anything serious with her.


Why is that?


----------



## rymo

lisbeth said:


> Why is that?


Well the thing is - it's obviously because - well you see...um...

Yeh I got nothin. It's just one of those things. The thrill of the chase or something. Also I think that if a girl has a one night stand she is expecting not to see him again (backed up by the female responses in this thread), so if she's on that page already, then who am I to go against the grain? If a guy see some real potential, and she does as well, then sex just won't happen the first night a lot of times. There's just something exciting about the build-up over several dates...the back-and-forth, flirty power struggle that goes on...the anticipation leading up to the moment that sex actually does happen. That's called sexual tension, and it makes things better.

One night stand is like bing bang boom, alright nice to know you, see ya. It's just a vastly different vibe. And in retrospect it's usually a turn off for me. But of course, as a guy, I wouldn't exactly be able to resist an opportunity like that if it came up. I just expect that there are no expectations, on both sides.


----------



## meganmila

But if you liked her personality and all and she has sex with you you will still say no to her?


----------



## nothing else

As if that's even possible lol.


----------



## meganmila

But it wouldn't be a one night stand if she wants to see you again and likes you. I dunno why sex has to change everything.


----------



## rymo

meganmila said:


> But if you liked her personality and all and she has sex with you you will stay say no to her?


Say no to what? I'm not saying it's _impossible _ to eventually get serious after having a one night stand with someone, but you're skipping all the amazing build up and courting to just have sex. Which is fine in it's own right. But when it comes to something serious, you miss something there that's hard to replace.


----------



## meganmila

rymo said:


> Say no to what? I'm not saying it's _impossible _ to eventually get serious after having a one night stand with someone, but you're skipping all the amazing build up and courting to just have sex. Which is fine in it's own right. But when it comes to something serious, you miss something there that's hard to replace.


A relationship.


----------



## rymo

meganmila said:


> A relationship.


You mean like, the morning after, the girl asks me to be her boyfriend? :afr

Yeh...no.


----------



## meganmila

rymo said:


> You mean like, the morning after, the girl asks me to be her boyfriend? :afr
> 
> Yeh...no.


I meant over time. Not the next day. Like she agrees to have sex early on and she seems cool you would still run away?

It seems like some guys have that mindset of a woman sleeping with them early on they run for the hills and don't take the girls seriously. I wanted to see the guy again and sex didn't really change anything or turned me off, unless something bad happens. But they seem to think the opposite.


----------



## rymo

meganmila said:


> I meant over time. Not the next day. Like she agrees to have sex early on and she seems cool you would still run away?
> 
> It seems like some guys have that mindset of a woman sleeping with them early on they run for the hills and don't take the girls seriously. I wanted to see the guy again and sex didn't really change anything or turned me off, unless something bad happens. But they seem to think the opposite.


I never said I would run for the hills. I would gladly have sex with her again, but I would be straight up with them that I wasn't looking to get serious. Unless things changed, which, like I said would take a lot.


----------



## Ice Eyes

meganmila said:


> Maybe they are saying that to shame women into not having casual sex. How come men don't get that then. *Basically men that have casual sex=stud, women = **** and should be shamed.*


I've honestly seen more women call other women ****s. And for the record, no man is going around calling another man a stud.

Men getting called "studs" is another myth. No one cares who you sleep with. And for some people, high promiscuity does mean it will be harder for them to commit


----------



## arnie

meganmila said:


> Maybe they are saying that to shame women into not having casual sex. How come men don't get that then. Basically men that have casual sex=stud, women = **** and should be shamed.





Ice Eyes said:


> I've honestly seen more women call other women ****s. And for the record, no man is going around calling another man a stud.


True story:

I started a thread on this (which has been disappeared)

****-Shaming is mostly enforced by other women. (not the patriarchy)
Stigmatizing female promiscuity - a.k.a. ****-shaming - has often been blamed on men, who have a Darwinian incentive to discourage their spouses from straying. But they also have a Darwinian incentive to encourage other women to be promiscuous. Dr. Vaillancourt said the experiment and other research suggest the stigma is enforced mainly by women.

"Sex is coveted by men," she said. "Accordingly, women limit access as a way of maintaining advantage in the negotiation of this resource. Women who make sex too readily available compromise the power-holding position of the group, which is why many women are particularly intolerant of women who are, or seem to be, promiscuous."

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/a-cold-war-fought-by-women.html


----------



## meganmila

I never said men call women ****s more often. I just think casual sex is more encouraged in men then in women.


----------



## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I never said men call women ****s more often. I just think casual sex is more encouraged in men then in women.


I think they do. It's way more common for male posters on this forum to call women ****s. Only occasionally do I see a female poster doing that.


----------



## meganmila

I think both gender are at fault for it.


----------



## lisbeth

komorikun said:


> I think they do. It's way more common for male posters on this forum to call women ****s. Only occasionally do I see a female poster doing that.


Just from my own experience, a lot more of the guys I know pass judgement on girls' sexual choices than other girls. More than pass judgement, really, get downright nasty and invasive about it. But with the girls I know - either we don't care or we egg each other on. I've never had anything nasty said to me about my doings by another girl, only by guys whose business it wasn't anyway.


----------



## gunner21

lisbeth said:


> Just from my own experience, a lot more of the guys I know pass judgement on girls' sexual choices than other girls. More than pass judgement, really, get downright nasty and invasive about it. But with the girls I know - either we don't care or we egg each other on. I've never had anything nasty said to me about my doings by another girl, only by guys whose business it wasn't anyway.


I think it's bitterness because they're not the ones getting it.


----------



## Ice Eyes

I personally don't care about anyone in general. Let alone their sexual history. It's a waste of time poking your nose in those things.


----------



## Ice Eyes

meganmila said:


> I think both gender are at fault for it.


Both genders *are* at fault for it.

All too often I see on placing the blame on the other gender though. Once you do that, you've lost.


----------



## scooby

I've heard more females shaming other females on their promiscuity than males do personally. But both do it. I guess we all have different experiences with that. I have no problems with one night stands or whether or not anyone wants to do them. I have a do what you want attitude to everything pretty much, as long as it doesnt harm other people.


----------



## Bluestar29

Most guys don't care whether a girl wants to sleep around. Most guys would love for more girls to want to sleep around. Now, when it comes to getting a relationship, guys aren't going to want anything serious with them. Why? Because they can get someone who is going to be challenge. If you are good, a guy might string you along until he find a girl worth Pursuing. 

Only a dumb( or desperate) man would take a girl he had an one night stand with seriously. Those guys usually end up cheating because they eventually found someone better.

I am in favor of One Night stand by the way. I am sure most guys feel the same way.

^ like gunner already stated, only the guys that aren't getting any would call girl ****s.


----------



## sanspants08

One-night stands are cool if you have an understanding, and that way nobody is gonna get hurt. I'm not down if she's in love with me and I just like her butt. No matter how much I like that butt. 

Well okay, I might do it anyway and then feel bad afterward lol. :hide If drinking is involved, that is.


----------



## komorikun

Bluestar29 said:


> Most guys don't care whether a girl wants to sleep around. Most guys would love for more girls to want to sleep around. Now, when it comes to getting a relationship, guys aren't going to want anything serious with them. Why? Because they can get someone who is going to be challenge. If you are good, a guy might string you along until he find a girl worth Pursuing.
> 
> Only a dumb( or desperate) man would take a girl he had an one night stand with seriously. Those guys usually end up cheating because they eventually found someone better.
> 
> I am in favor of One Night stand by the way. I am sure most guys feel the same way.
> 
> ^ like gunner already stated, only the guys that aren't getting any would call girl ****s.


Guys like a challenge? Then why was I getting so much crap before when I said that I expect the guy to pay for meals/outings in the beginning to prove that he is interested in me?


----------



## scooby

Getting crap from a handful of people ≠ most guys opinions.


----------



## sanspants08

komorikun said:


> Guys like a challenge? Then why was I getting so much crap before when I said that I expect the guy to pay for meals/outings in the beginning to prove that he is interested in me?


For perpetuating a gender stereotype. That said, I expect to pay for meals/outings all the time :stu.


----------



## Ice Eyes

komorikun said:


> Guys like a challenge? Then why was I getting so much crap before when I said that I expect the guy to pay for meals/outings in the beginning to prove that he is interested in me?


You know there are plenty of guys out there that would pay for you but still not be interested in you right?

Also, why not go dutch to prove you are interested in the guy?


----------



## komorikun

Ice Eyes said:


> You know there are plenty of guys out there that would pay for you but still not be interested in you right?


Sure but in general the less interested they are in you the more likely they will ask to have pizza at their place rather than go to a nice restaurant.



> Also, why not go dutch to prove you are interested in the guy?


My being on the date proves that I'm interested in the guy. I won't go on dates just for the off chance of a one night stand.


----------



## scooby

komorikun said:


> My being on the date proves that I'm interested in the guy. I won't go on dates just for the off chance of a one night stand.


Same with the guy. He is on a date with you, which typically means he is interested.


----------



## komorikun

scooby said:


> Same with the guy. He is on a date with you, which typically means he is interested.


Not in my experience. A lot of guys go on dates in the hope of just getting sex. Especially online dating.


----------



## Ice Eyes

komorikun said:


> Sure but in general the less interested they are in you the more likely they will ask to have pizza at their place rather than go to a nice restaurant.
> 
> My being on the date proves that I'm interested in the guy. I won't go on dates just for the off chance of a one night stand.


_
"rather than go to a nice restaurant. "_

Or they could be taking you to a nice restaurant to suck you in. Easier to feign interest than just inviting someone for pizza.

_"My being on a date proves that I'm interested in the guy"_

But the guy isn't aware of how interested you are. Only you are. Expecting someone to pay for you will send a bad message to some men.


----------



## gunner21

komorikun said:


> Sure but in general the less interested they are in you the more likely they will ask to have pizza at their place rather than go to a nice restaurant.
> 
> My being on the date proves that I'm interested in the guy. I won't go on dates just for the off chance of a one night stand.


Him being on the date says the same thing. I don't understand why HE has to pay.


----------



## Bluestar29

komorikun said:


> Guys like a challenge? Then why was I getting so much crap before when I said that I expect the guy to pay for meals/outings in the beginning to prove that he is interested in me?


1) look at the guys that were giving you crap

2) wanting a man to paying for first outing/meal doesn't = challenge. If a woman demands to pay her part it will look more attractive. Why? Equality thats why. You want to be seen as his equal then pay for your part. You don't even have to pay really, just demand to pay for your half. 90% (yea I just made a statistic) of the time he will pay for it anyways.


----------



## scooby

komorikun said:


> Not in my experience. A lot of guys go on dates in the hope of just getting sex. Especially online dating.


A lot of girls just go on dates for free meals.


----------



## arnie

komorikun said:


> My being on the date proves that I'm interested in the guy. I won't go on dates just for the off chance of a one night stand.


So the guy should feel grateful that you blessed him by letting him appear in your presence and pay for your meal? How generous of you. 

You are indeed a most giving queen.


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> Not in my experience. A lot of guys go on dates in the hope of just getting sex. Especially online dating.


Yeah, a lot of guys are horny.


----------



## komorikun

So what is a challenge then? Saying no to sex even though you want to have sex? Why do guys want women to play mind games?


----------



## komorikun

scooby said:


> A lot of girls just go on dates for free meals.


I don't think so. My time is worth more than a free meal. Plus being around guys that have the hots for me and the feeling is not mutual yucks me out.


----------



## arnie

komorikun said:


> Not in my experience. A lot of guys go on dates in the hope of just getting sex. Especially online dating.


What crude carnal beasts. How dare they submit to such sinful base urges. uke

As we all know women are morally superior beings that derive no satisfaction from sex and would never be so low as to date a guy in the hopes of having sex with him.


----------



## scooby

komorikun said:


> I don't think so. My time is worth more than a free meal. Plus being around guys that have the hots for me and the feeling is not mutual yucks me out.


Just because you don't think so, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. What if I didn't think guys go on dates just to get laid? Does that mean it doesn't happen?


----------



## Ice Eyes

meganmila said:


> Yeah, a lot of guys are horny.


So are a lot of women:b


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> So what is a challenge then? Saying no to sex even though you want to have sex? Why do guys want women to play mind games?


Yeah, from the responses in this thread it looks like you have to wait a while or he won't take you seriously. Sigh.


----------



## komorikun

arnie said:


> What crude carnal beasts. How dare they submit to such sinful base urges. uke
> 
> As we all know women are morally superior beings that derive no satisfaction from sex and would never be so low as to date a guy in the hopes of having sex with him.


Sure women like sex but they generally won't sleep with people they have no intention of ever seeing again. And afterwards they won't say "I lost respect for him since he put out so quickly."


----------



## Ice Eyes

meganmila said:


> Yeah, from the responses in this thread it looks like you have to wait a while or he won't take you seriously. Sigh.


Not all guys think that way.


----------



## Ice Eyes

komorikun said:


> So what is a challenge then? Saying no to sex even though you want to have sex? Why do guys want women to play mind games?


Guys generally hate mind games. Just be honest with who you are and your intentions and you'll be fine.


----------



## sanspants08

meganmila said:


> Yeah, from the responses in this thread it looks like you have to wait a while or he won't take you seriously. Sigh.


It seems to be the consensus from what, 5-10 people responding? In all of my lasting relationships, we've had sex right off the bat. The quicker we do it, the quicker I'll be at ease with her. I'm not totally comfortable with the woman until we've slept together. Afterward I feel a great sense of freedom and that sudden positivity usually gets us going in the right direction with the rest of the essentials.

I'm also a weirdo :teeth.


----------



## komorikun

Reading this forum over the years has proven to me that a good percentage of men (over 50%) enjoy mind games.

"Oh no. I can't have sex with you. I need to get to know you better. I'm such a delicate little flower who only lets extremely special men put their penis in me. Because you know, my sex drive is low and I only get horny for men once I'm in a relationship." [Bats eyelashes.]


----------



## meganmila

sanspants08 said:


> It seems to be the consensus from what, 5-10 people responding? In all of my lasting relationships, we've had sex right off the bat. The quicker we do it, the quicker I'll be at ease with her. I'm not totally comfortable with the woman until we've slept together. Afterward I feel a great sense of freedom and that sudden positivity usually gets us going in the right direction with the rest of the essentials.
> 
> I'm also a weirdo :teeth.


I know not all guys are like that and glad you are not one of them. Just that one response was sad to me.


----------



## gunner21

komorikun said:


> I don't think so. My time is worth more than a free meal. Plus being around guys that have the hots for me and the feeling is not mutual yucks me out.


So is their time....


----------



## scooby

50% of the population of men are on SAS.


----------



## Ice Eyes

komorikun said:


> Reading this forum over the years has proven to me that a good percentage of men (over 50%) enjoy mind games.


You claim over 50% of men in enjoy mind games from what is said in a social anxiety forum?

You are wrong on that account. You judge people on their own merits. As an individual. You don't make generalizations like that from what people say on a forum. No.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

I wonder if men on average care more about women having had one night stands in the past than women care about men having had one night stands? For relationships that is.


----------



## gunner21

komorikun said:


> Reading this forum over the years has proven to me that a good percentage of men (over 50%) enjoy mind games.
> 
> "Oh no. I can't have sex with you. I need to get to know you better. I'm such a delicate little flower who only lets extremely special men put their penis in me. Because you know, my sex drive is low and I only get horny for men once I'm in a relationship." [Bats eyelashes.]


That's the common response I've seen from women here, not men. I, personally hate mind games, and I'm pretty sure everyone who is insecure does too, because they bring so much uncertainty and second thoughts. HATE MIND GAMES!


----------



## Ice Eyes

Persephone The Dread said:


> I wonder if men on average care more about women having had one night stands in the past than women care about men having had one night stands? For relationships that is.


That's not something that can ever truly be known. You can only take from your personal observations/experiences. But that can't be applied to people as a whole.


----------



## tbyrfan

ITT: generalizations.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Ice Eyes said:


> That's not something that can ever truly be known. You can only take from your personal observations/experiences. But that can't be applied to people as a whole.


Well, someone _could _do a study on it, but there's enough stupid studies as it is and more important things to do. You seem to be worried that I'm about to make a sweeping generalisation XD I can see why, but still I try to be very careful not to do that. Even in the post I just made I said 'on average' for instance.


----------



## Ice Eyes

Persephone The Dread said:


> Well, someone _could _do a study on it, but there's enough stupid studies as it is and more important things to do. You seem to be worried that I'm about to make a sweeping generalisation XD I can see why, but still I try to be very careful not to do that. Even in the post I just made I said 'on average' for instance.


Studies are pretty much inconclusive for the most part. And I say what I say because of what this form is. A lot of people on this site harbor unresolved issues, bitterness, etc and project this stuff on other people. I'm only saying what needs to be said.


----------



## arnie

I fell asleep for a couple hours and this thread doesn't have any new posts!?!? WTF 
C'mon people...


----------



## scooby

arnie said:


> I fell asleep for a couple hours and this thread doesn't have any new posts!?!? WTF
> C'mon people...


Sorry, I took a bit of a nap. Nothing for me to add yet anyway though.


----------



## Mr Bacon

According to our stats around 82% of women will avoid the one night stand at all costs... even worse than I thought. Though after a couple drinks, the number might look more like 50% :lol. Otherwise the results from the poll are quite unsurprising, they fit the stereotype.



komorikun said:


> Reading this forum over the years has proven to me that a good percentage of men (over 50%) enjoy mind games.
> 
> "Oh no. I can't have sex with you. I need to get to know you better. I'm such a delicate little flower who only lets extremely special men put their penis in me. Because you know, my sex drive is low and I only get horny for men once I'm in a relationship." [Bats eyelashes.]


I think it's the opposite. From what I've read, guys on here tend to suck at reading girls. Plus, a good chunk are inexperienced - they just wanna get it over with, make the process as simple/straightforward as possible, and dip their biscuit.

Outside of this forum, however, I'd say men would only use easy girls for sex, and will be more willing to start relationships with girls who aren't being too clingy and don't spread their legs immediately. I.e playing a little hard to get.


----------



## hammerfast

yes and no


----------



## komorikun

Mr Bacon said:


> According to our stats around 82% of women will avoid the one night stand at all costs... even worse than I thought. Otherwise the results from the poll are quite unsurprising, they fit the stereotype.
> 
> I think it's the opposite. From what I've read, guys on here tend to suck at reading girls. Plus, a good chunk are inexperienced - they just wanna get it over with, make the process as simple/straightforward as possible, and dip their biscuit.
> 
> Outside of this forum, however, I'd say men would only use easy girls for sex, and will be more willing to start relationships with girls who aren't being too clingy and don't spread their legs immediately. I.e playing a little hard to get.


Playing hard to get= mind games. Actually I think much of the time it doesn't matter if you have sex or not. I experimented with not having sex with some guys I met from online dating sites. They didn't want to hang out after the second date all the same as guys I slept with immediately. Only difference is I'd get weird text messages here and there at odd hours asking if my roommate was home or if I wanted to go to a hotel (I had mentioned I like love hotels before).

Of course the guys that I wasn't attracted to did want to see me again.....:blank

It's more that men will have sex with anyone that isn't terrible looking. ***** first, think later.

And oh yeah, the guy I had the longest relationship with was someone I slept with on the first night.


----------



## Mr Bacon

komorikun said:


> Playing hard to get= mind games.


 That's what I implied, yes.



> Actually I think much of the time it doesn't matter if you have sex or not. I experimented with not having sex with some guys I met from online dating sites. *They didn't want to hang out after the second date all the same as guys I slept with immediately.* Only difference is I'd get weird text messages here and there at odd hours asking if my roommate was home or if I wanted to go to a hotel (I had mentioned I like love hotels before).


 Perhaps because they weren't attracted enough to consider you GF material. Or because they never had the intention to look for a relationship in the first place and just wanted to f**k.



> It's more that men will have sex with anyone that isn't terrible looking. ***** first, think later.


 If their only motive is to find a suitable partner, the "f**k first, decide later" wouldn't be their approach, in my opinion.


----------



## komorikun

Mr Bacon said:


> Perhaps because they weren't attracted enough to consider you GF material. Or because they never had the intention to look for a relationship in the first place and just wanted to f**k.


Could be. I think they might have had girlfriends.



> If their only motive is to find a suitable partner, the "f**k first, decide later" wouldn't be their approach, in my opinion.


Many if not most single people (women and men) are open to both relationships and casual sex. Although men are more after the one night stand variety of casual. If a guy is very attractive but says he is not after a relationship I'd be fine with just casual sex as long as it's ongoing for a while. If a guy is at least so so attractive (not attractive enough for casual sex) and I get along well with him then he might be relationship material.


----------



## Paper Samurai

This is a little controversial, but I think that men struggling to be romantically/emotionally involved with promiscuous women is a hard wired thing.


----------



## meganmila

:roll


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Mr Bacon said:


> *According to our stats around 82% of women will avoid the one night stand at all costs...* even worse than I thought. Though after a couple drinks, the number might look more like 50% :lol. Otherwise the results from the poll are quite unsurprising, they fit the stereotype.
> 
> I think it's the opposite. From what I've read, guys on here tend to suck at reading girls. Plus, a good chunk are inexperienced - they just wanna get it over with, make the process as simple/straightforward as possible, and dip their biscuit.
> 
> *Outside of this forum, however, I'd say men would only use easy girls for sex, and will be more willing to start relationships with girls who aren't being too clingy and don't spread their legs immediately. I.e playing a little hard to get.*


I think most women have that impression too, and that's a significant part of why the former point tends to be true on average.



arnie said:


> I fell asleep for a couple hours and this thread doesn't have any new posts!?!? WTF
> C'mon people...


I have a habit of basically killing threads with the crap I write :lol


----------



## Jesuszilla

Mr Bacon said:


> I think it's the opposite. From what I've read, guys on here tend to suck at reading girls. Plus, a good chunk are inexperienced - they just wanna get it over with, make the process as simple/straightforward as possible, and dip their biscuit.


I agree. Especially the inexperience part.



> Outside of this forum, however, I'd say men would only use easy girls for sex, and will be more willing to start relationships with girls who aren't being too clingy and don't spread their legs immediately. I.e playing a little hard to get.


How is having sex soon being clingy? I also don't understand playing hard to get. Being clingy is pretty obvious, but there is a big difference in a girl being very interested in me and her being clingy and desperate right?


----------



## Paper Samurai

meganmila said:


> :roll


Of course, why did I not think of this before :doh Your erudite and well reasoned post has completely turned my previously held perceptions right on their head. I am now completely converted to your way of thinking !

...honestly now, you obviously have a stake in this issue - the reason behind your post. But can't you discuss something like an adult when someone merely has a different opinion to you? Being able to separate the ideas you hold from you as an individual is what you have to do in these circumstances.


----------



## arnie

Paper Samurai said:


> This is a little controversial, but I think that men struggling to be romantically/emotionally involved with promiscuous women is a hard wired thing.


Well there would be a basis for it in evolutionary psychology. As a man, it's a waste to spend time and resources raising a child that's not yours. Before paternity testing, there was no way to be sure a child was actually yours, so men would naturally only get into relationships with women they could trust not to cheat on them.


----------



## meganmila

I don't really have anything to say. That was just a new one for me and don't feel like discussing it cause then I would start rambling and get even madder. What's the point.


----------



## TheDarkGuardian

Paper Samurai said:


> This is a little controversial, but I think that men struggling to be romantically/emotionally involved with promiscuous women is a hard wired thing.


Think it goes both ways there, I think women struggle to be romantically/emotionally involved with promiscious dudes is a hard wired thing as well.

It all comes down to the individual, you could choose trends and statistics to make generalisations anout genders but at the end of the day it's what you do with that information - like 10x men compared to women would do one night stands and I'm honest to say I'm one of them - but I don't hold a grudge against those women who don't do one night stands at all if they struggle to be romantically/emotionally involved with me because of my sexual preferences. I respect their choices.


----------



## Paper Samurai

arnie said:


> Well there would be a basis for it in evolutionary psychology. As a man, it's a waste to spend time and resources raising a child that's not yours. *Before paternity testing, there was no way to be sure a child was actually yours, so men would naturally only get into relationships with women they could trust not to cheat on them.*


That's basically what I've heard as well.



meganmila said:


> I don't really have anything to say. That was just a new one for me and don't feel like discussing it cause then I would start rambling and get even madder. What's the point.


I don't want to argue either.


----------



## komorikun

I don't really see how having one night stands here and there has anything to do with your risk of cheating in a relationship. Maybe if you bang a new person everyday, yeah but otherwise I don't see the connection. For cheating you have to worry about people who are very popular with the opposite sex since they have soooo many opportunities.

When I was in long term relationships and I wasn't craving to bang other guys.


----------



## hmweasley

I'm way too nervous around strangers to even consider it. Who knows how I would feel if just talking to people didn't give me so much anxiety, but as it is now, there's no way I would.


----------



## probably offline

Whatever. It's not really my thing, but I don't have any moral objections towards people who do. If I met some amazing guy, who gave me vag tears just by listening to him speak, I'd probably want to get down to business immediately. I'd never have sex with some random guy just because I was horny. I'm picky.


----------



## ravens

I'm nervous enough around people anyway. The only way might have have been if I had went out and got drunk. Drinking at home did make my anxiety disappear somewhat but who knows how it would have been if I had gone out. I still might have too much anxiety to have a one night stand.


----------



## Mr Bacon

Jesuszilla said:


> How is having sex soon being clingy? I also don't understand playing hard to get. Being clingy is pretty obvious, but there is a big difference in a girl being very interested in me and her being clingy and desperate right?


Being easy and being clingy aren't the same thing.

Nonetheless, the one thing they do have in common is that both project the image of someone who isn't a challenge, doesn't have very high standards, or might be desperate to seek validation. A girl can show she's interested in you without giving off a desperate vibe. On the other hand, if she's willing to f**k any guy on a ONS and harasses them with texts to insist on forming a relationship after just a bit of interaction... it's going to turn off a good bunch of men.

And when it comes to guys seducing girls, it's probably even worse in that department. Weakness, insecurity, validation-seeking behavior... these are things which put off the big majority of chicks, in my opinion.


----------



## gunner21

komorikun said:


> Playing hard to get= mind games. Actually I think much of the time it doesn't matter if you have sex or not. I experimented with not having sex with some guys I met from online dating sites. They didn't want to hang out after the second date all the same as guys I slept with immediately. Only difference is I'd get weird text messages here and there at odd hours asking if my roommate was home or if I wanted to go to a hotel (I had mentioned I like love hotels before).
> 
> Of course the guys that I wasn't attracted to did want to see me again.....:blank
> 
> It's more that men will have sex with anyone that isn't terrible looking. ***** first, think later.
> 
> And oh yeah, the guy I had the longest relationship with was someone I slept with on the first night.


Because all men are sex craving horndogs who'll **** anything that walks. Am I allowed to make the generalization that women are gold diggers?


----------



## Bluestar29

gunner21 said:


> Because all men are sex craving horndogs who'll **** anything that walks. Am I allowed to make the generalization that women are gold diggers?


Considering how many threads about guys getting frustrated about not getting laid, I am actually starting to believe that most guys are horndogs.


----------



## Milco

tbyrfan said:


> ITT: generalizations.


It's what we (the forum) does best!

Also..
One night stands isn't really my thing.
I'm looking for an emotional connection far more than sex, though I guess I wouldn't turn it down if it felt right.
And people are free to pursue it as they want, just as long as they try to not judge people who don't/can't for whatever reason - just as people who don't/can't shouldn't judge people who do.
People should be free to explore/express their sexuality.
Should be, but too often aren't. Many people like to judge others and play some kind of status game where others can quickly be deemed too easy, too desperate, too weak, too low status and so on and so on. It's really rather sad.


----------



## diamondheart89

It's amusing to read these threads and then see the "why do wimmin never sleep with me and play hard to get" threads all over the place. :lol


Carry on, I am entertained.


----------



## arnie

diamondheart89 said:


> It's amusing to read these threads and then see the "why do wimmin never sleep with me and play hard to get" threads all over the place. :lol


Virgin shaming alert! This is a classic ad-hominem attack. A guy's success with women should not be relevant to the merits of his argument in this thread.


----------



## diamondheart89

arnie said:


> Virgin shaming alert! This is a classic ad-hominem attack. A guy's success with women should not be relevant to the merits of his argument in this thread.


What are you talking about? I'm not singling out virgins, I meant everyone who complains that sex is too hard to get laid because women make it too hard, and then many of them turn around and say they don't respect women who don't play strict gatekeepers to the land of vagina. It is amusingly ironic, is it not?


----------



## Ice Eyes

arnie said:


> Virgin shaming alert! This is a classic ad-hominem attack. A guy's success with women should not be relevant to the merits of his argument in this thread.


^ This I saw no guy complaining about that in this thread. At least not from what I read


----------



## Persephone The Dread

diamondheart89 said:


> What are you talking about? I'm not singling out virgins, I meant everyone who complains that sex is too hard to get laid because women make it too hard, and then many of them turn around and say they don't respect women who don't play strict gatekeepers to the land of vagina. It is amusingly ironic, is it not?


I got what you meant, there have been a fair few of those threads on this forum. Of course you can't win with everyone.


----------



## Lish3rs

Absolutely not! I won't share my body with just anyone. I don't personally hold anything against people who are more comfortable with their sexuality and freedom though. I think most people would at least want to feel at ease with the other person.


----------



## komorikun

Mr Bacon said:


> Being easy and being clingy aren't the same thing.
> 
> Nonetheless, the one thing they do have in common is that both project the image of someone who isn't a challenge, doesn't have very high standards, or might be desperate to seek validation. A girl can show she's interested in you without giving off a desperate vibe. On the other hand, if she's willing to f**k any guy on a ONS and harasses them with texts to insist on forming a relationship after just a bit of interaction... it's going to turn off a good bunch of men.
> 
> And when it comes to guys seducing girls, it's probably even worse in that department. Weakness, insecurity, validation-seeking behavior... these are things which put off the big majority of chicks, in my opinion.


Most women who have one night stands aren't doing it to seek validation or because they have low standards. Women do get horny you know. And actually you have to lower your standards to get a relationship. It's easy to get a good looking man in bed but if you want a relationship you have to settle for someone less sexy.


----------



## Jesuszilla

Mr Bacon said:


> Being easy and being clingy aren't the same thing.
> 
> Nonetheless, the one thing they do have in common is that both project the image of someone who isn't a challenge, doesn't have very high standards, or might be desperate to seek validation. A girl can show she's interested in you without giving off a desperate vibe. On the other hand, if she's willing to f**k any guy on a ONS and harasses them with texts to insist on forming a relationship after just a bit of interaction... it's going to turn off a good bunch of men.


Huh? How is it desperate to sleep with a guy the first night? I don't think there is a correlation to "girl sleeps with me first night, she sleeps with all other guys as well" I think if a girl sleeps with a guy she wants to f*** him plain and simple.



komorikun said:


> Most women who have one night stands aren't doing it to seek validation or because they have low standards. *Women do get horny you know.*


This. I just can't fault women for being horny and wanting to have some sex. It doesn't make sense because I often fell the same way too.


----------



## Mr Bacon

*I think a lot of girls here claiming they'd avoid one night stands at all costs are just picturing some cheesy PUA dude *trying too hardto pick them up in some creepy nightclub.

When in reality, it could be some polite, smooth, elegant guy they randomly sat next to at some public conference on raising awareness about global warning. He makes a couple witty remarks from time to time, his seems deeply interested in the presentation but casually detached by his demeanor while you exchange a couple sentences here and there. He then proposes to have a drink with his group of female and male friends at a trendy bar in town.

Thrilled, you follow him just because you don't have any plans and it sounds better than a boring night alone (that soft furry cat of yours doesn't count). You're having fun, the guy's interesting and shares some of your personal interests or tastes for traveling, cinematography, oriental cuisine and green tea. His eyes are alive and sparkling, you tease each other back and forth - *the chemistry's there.* He doesn't put pressure on you, you're not the center of attention - he keeps chatting with his friends as well. You *have a couple drinks* because of *the good atmosphere.* He tells you he's taking a quick pause just outside the bar to have some fresh air and entices you to join him. You feel more comfortable outside as his friends are not observing you, and that's when your lips end up meeting his.

You go back inside. Then it gets late, the group is about to leave and so do you. The guy turns to you and casually invites you to have some exquisite green tea he brought back from Japan at his place. He tells you you just have to taste it, or you'd truly be missing something. And oh! His place happens to be 5 minutes away. How practical. Nothing to lose, you follow him to his apartment while you hold on to his arm after he makes fun of you for walking awkwardly with these high heels which are killing your poor feet.

...aaaaaaaand before you know it you're on all fours while he's slapping your butt, pornstar style, and you're growling with pleasure like the sexy beast that you are. You don't even give a damn about the green tea you never got to taste.

:lol


----------



## meganmila

:lol When I slept with a guy I was attracted to him not because I was desperate.


----------



## Ice Eyes

I'll never really understand why people still get so sore about this. Some people are comfortable doing ONS. Some people aren't. Yes some people have sex because they like it. Maybe they have a higher sex drive than the average person. But there are also people who do have sex for validation or because they have self esteem/mental problems. <- This is what I believe most people are concerned about. For some people they do have a harder time committing the more promiscuous they become. But there are exceptions to the rule. It's also increasingly risky to have sex nowadays. STD's and condoms do not protect you from everything. Ultimately it is your body and your choices. But it is also your consequences. Another problem I see is people simply hiding what they really are instead of being honest. 

If you are truly satisfied with what you done then there is no need to get offended when someone criticizes. Then there are all of the broad generalizations. Some people clearly have some unresolved issues they need to work out. Not just this website but in general. Being bitter at the opposite gender certainly wont make anything better.


----------



## Mr Bacon

komorikun said:


> Most women who have one night stands aren't doing it to seek validation or because they have low standards. Women do get horny you know. And actually you have to lower your standards to get a relationship. It's easy to get a good looking man in bed but if you want a relationship you have to settle for someone less sexy.


Yes, I understand women do get horny. I'm talking about the image they project when they are easy - according to most of the men I hang out with - not necessarily who they are. When my pals can bring a chick back to their place after practically no efforts on their behalf, they tend to assume the chick is easy and has constant sex with tons of guys in the same way. Which tends to put them off if the chick shows signs she wants something more serious afterwards. Especially if she's too insistent and makes it appear like she's head over heels for them.

You know the saying "you always want what you can't have." I believe there is some truth to it.



Jesuszilla said:


> This. I just can't fault women for being horny and wanting to have some sex. It doesn't make sense because I often fell the same way too.


Oh I'm certainly not going to complain about women having ONSs. We love sex and it's in our own interest to have women being easy when it comes purely to getting laid. Will most men hold these girls in very high esteem afterwards, for relationship material, though? That's another question. And other parameters are at play.


----------



## diamondheart89

Mr Bacon said:


> *I think a lot of girls here claiming they'd avoid one night stands at all costs are just picturing some cheesy PUA dude *trying too hardto pick them up in some creepy nightclub.
> 
> When in reality, it could be some polite, smooth, elegant guy they randomly sat next to at some public conference on raising awareness about global warning. He makes a couple witty remarks from time to time, his seems deeply interested in the presentation but casually detached by his demeanor while you exchange a couple sentences here and there. He then proposes to have a drink with his group of female and male friends at a trendy bar in town.
> 
> Thrilled, you follow him just because you don't have any plans and it sounds better than a boring night alone (that soft furry cat of yours doesn't count). You're having fun, the guy's interesting and shares some of your personal interests or tastes for traveling, cinematography, oriental cuisine and green tea. His eyes are alive and sparkling, you tease each other back and forth - *the chemistry's there.* He doesn't put pressure on you, you're not the center of attention - he keeps chatting with his friends as well. You *have a couple drinks* because of *the good atmosphere.* He tells you he's taking a quick pause just outside the bar to have some fresh air and entices you to join him. You feel more comfortable outside as his friends are not observing you, and that's when your lips end up meeting his.
> 
> You go back inside. Then it gets late, the group is about to leave and so do you. The guy turns to you and casually invites you to have some exquisite green tea he brought back from Japan at his place. He tells you you just have to taste it, or you'd truly be missing something. And oh! His place happens to be 5 minutes away. How practical. Nothing to lose, you follow him to his apartment while you hold on to his arm after he makes fun of you for walking awkwardly with these high heels which are killing your poor feet.
> 
> ...aaaaaaaand before you know it you're on all fours while he's slapping your butt, pornstar style, and you're growling with pleasure like the sexy beast that you are. You don't even give a damn about the green tea you never got to taste.
> 
> :lol


In my experience most guys who think they are smooth and elegant are cheesy and creepy.


----------



## SunshineSam218

I'm a hopeless romantic and I fall pretty easy, especially if I connect with them. Having sex with them would only hurt me more in more in than. So I avoid them and wouldn't do them. Never had a one night stand in my life and I never plan on it. Most of the people I had sex were my boyfriend's and they were all serious relationships.

However I don't judge others who do have a one night stand, it's just not for me.


----------



## komorikun

Mr Bacon said:


> Yes, I understand women do get horny. I'm talking about the image they project when they are easy - according to most of the men I hang out with - not necessarily who they are. When my pals can bring a chick back to their place after practically no efforts on their behalf, they tend to assume the chick is easy and has constant sex with tons of guys in the same way. Which tends to put them off if the chick shows signs she wants something more serious afterwards. Especially if she's too insistent and makes it appear like she's head over heels for them.
> 
> You know the saying "you always want what you can't have." I believe there is some truth to it.


Most people I went clubbing with did not bring someone home very often. Maybe once every couple months. Men seem to be fixated on this effort thing, when the reality is what you do doesn't make much of any difference in the decision on whether to sleep with you or not. It's just your basic you that makes the difference.

Your friends kind of sound like dicks by the way.


----------



## meganmila

komorikun said:


> Most people I went clubbing with did not bring someone home very often. Maybe once every couple months. Men seem to be fixated on this effort thing, when the reality is what you do doesn't make much of any difference in the decision on whether to sleep with you or not. It's just your basic you that makes the difference.
> 
> *Your friends kind of sound like dicks by the way.*


Yea.


----------



## komorikun

diamondheart89 said:


> In my experience most guys who think they are smooth and elegant are cheesy and creepy.


Yeah, I can't even think of any guy I met that was elegant. With casual sex, I have never given a **** about the guy's interests or his political opinions, LOL.


----------



## Mr Bacon

diamondheart89 said:


> In my experience most guys who think they are smooth and elegant are cheesy and creepy.


This was the dramatic romanticized version . And guys who are really smooth with the ladies don't scream it on top of their lungs for you to acknowledge it.


komorikun said:


> Your friends kind of sound like dicks by the way.


And the ladies love 'em.


komorikun said:


> Yeah, I can't even think of any guy I met that was elegant. With casual sex, I have never given a **** about the guy's interests or his political opinions, LOL.


This was about the chicks who thought they were never going to have a ONS. I've heard it a lot of times. "sex with a total stranger? are you kidding me?" Next thing you know some smooth talker comes along and BOOM. I'm no longer surprised when it happens.


----------



## Ice Eyes

Rather than trying to understand something, people have more interest in complaining and expressing their bitterness and oversensitivity here. 

Not surprising.


----------



## komorikun

Mr Bacon said:


> And the ladies love 'em.


Good looking dicks maybe. It's not like you can know someone's personality very well from a couple hours of making out in a nightclub. Didn't you also say your friends had girlfriends and cheated on them all the time?


----------



## Mr Bacon

komorikun said:


> Good looking dicks maybe. It's not like you can know someone's personality very well from a couple hours of making out in a nightclub. Didn't you also say your friends had girlfriends and cheated on them all the time?


Some of them do indeed indulge in these kinds of extra-relationship activities from time to time. That's not a behavior that I encourage, but what can I say... those who have the power to seduce can be tempted to abuse it.


----------



## diamondheart89

Mr Bacon said:


> This was the dramatic romanticized version . And guys who are really smooth with the ladies don't scream it on top of their lungs.
> 
> *And the ladies love 'em.
> 
> This was about the chicks who thought they were never going to have a ONS. I've heard it a lot of times. "sex with a total stranger? are you kidding me?" Next thing you know some smooth talker comes along and BOOM. I'm no longer surprised when it happens*.


This is because most people don't operate with the assumption that people will use and abuse their trust and then dump them unless they've experienced it before.

Anyway manipulating people isn't very hard, I used to do it all the time. Which is why others can't fool me with it.


----------



## Persephone The Dread

Ice Eyes said:


> Rather than trying to understand something, people have more interest in complaining and expressing their bitterness and oversensitivity here.
> 
> Not surprising.


You keep making comments that appear to be targeted at people now and then without specifying who. :con or what exactly you are complaining about. It's a bit confusing.


----------



## Ice Eyes

Persephone The Dread said:


> You keep making comments that appear to be targeted at people now and then without specifying who. :con or what exactly you are complaining about. It's a bit confusing.


Nah I'm speaking generally. I feel like a problem with a lot of people of today is that they are too focused on complaining and articulating problems rather than trying to understand said problem in the first place. This opinion has been reinforced by what I've seen on this site. I did come to this site after all to learn more about how social anxiety affects people. ( I don't have it myself )

I'm not targeting anyone on this site. No worries


----------



## diamondheart89

Ice Eyes said:


> Nah I'm speaking generally. I feel like a problem with a lot of people of today is that they are too focused on complaining and articulating problems rather than trying to understand said problem in the first place. This opinion has been reinforced by what I've seen on this site. I did come to this site after all to learn more about how social anxiety affects people. ( I don't have it myself )
> 
> I'm not targeting anyone on this site. No worries


So you came here to make passive aggressive comments about people on a forum dedicated to an illness you don't have. Cool.


----------



## tbyrfan

hay guise


----------



## starburst93

komorikun said:


> Most women who have one night stands aren't doing it to seek validation or because they have low standards. *Women do get horny you know.* And actually you have to lower your standards to get a relationship. It's easy to get a good looking man in bed but if you want a relationship you have to settle for someone less sexy.











Haha sorry, this is the first thing I thought of when I read that.


----------



## Ice Eyes

diamondheart89 said:


> So you came here to make passive aggressive comments about people on a forum dedicated to an illness you don't have. Cool.


Funny enough, not only did you misinterpret what I said, this comment itself is passive aggressive. Way to be hypocritical. Anyways, I do not have social anxiety. But mental disorders altogether can be hard to understand. It's not something you take lightly. It's important to understand what people got through. People feel more comfortable pouring out problems and stuff when they have a sense of anonymity so I come here to see what people go through and how they feel.

If you got seriously offended by anything I said. Then you probably fall under that category of people I was talking about. You obviously have issues. As do we all.


----------



## gunner21

starburst93 said:


>


Freaks and Geeks <3

You're officially cool from now on.


----------



## starburst93

gunner21 said:


> Freaks and Geeks <3
> 
> You're officially cool from now on.


Woohoo!:boogie
I love that show.


----------



## gunner21

starburst93 said:


> Woohoo!:boogie
> I love that show.


Favourite character? (Just know that you'll be hated forever if you say anyone other than Bill Haverchuck.)


----------



## diamondheart89

Ice Eyes said:


> Funny enough, not only did you misinterpret what I said, this comment itself is passive aggressive. Way to be hypocritical. Anyways, I do not have social anxiety. But mental disorders altogether can be hard to understand. It's not something you take lightly. It's important to understand what people got through. People feel more comfortable pouring out problems and stuff when they have a sense of anonymity so I come here to see what people go through and how they feel.
> 
> If you got seriously offended by anything I said. Then you probably fall under that category of people I was talking about. You obviously have issues. As do we all.


Not really, I said whatever I had to say TO YOU. Directly. I don't particularly care about anything you have to say, I was just making an observation.


----------



## starburst93

gunner21 said:


> Favourite character? (Just know that you'll be hated forever if you say anyone other than Bill Haverchuck.)


LOL Bill is my favorite character actually, and i'm not just saying that. He is the best part of that show.

Man, talking about this is really making me want to watch it. See you later, I'll be on netflix.


----------



## Ice Eyes

diamondheart89 said:


> Not really, I said whatever I had to say TO YOU.Directly. I don't particularly care about anything you have to say, I was just making an observation.


If you didn't care then you would have continued to ignore me rather than being contradictory. Go project your bitterness somewhere else please.


----------



## diamondheart89

Ice Eyes said:


> If you didn't care then you would have continued to ignore me rather than being contradictory. Go project your bitterness somewhere else please.


Are you done having a tantrum?  And let's not stoop to personal attacks, it's against the rules.


----------



## Ice Eyes

diamondheart89 said:


> Are you done having a tantrum?


Don't have a tantrum. You done being bitter? Nope.


----------



## tbyrfan

inb4halfofthesepostsaredeletedbythemods


----------



## Ice Eyes

tbyrfan said:


> inb4halfofthesepostsaredeletedbythemods


Thanks for that. Gotta stop. Throwing jabs like that is immature. That it is. :yes


----------



## diamondheart89

Ice Eyes said:


> Don't have a tantrum. You done being bitter? Nope.


What exactly have I said that's bitter? I'm curious. Please cite the exact quote. I think you're just taking my observation personally and lashing out making baseless attacks about my character based on two sentences I said to you.


----------



## Ice Eyes

diamondheart89 said:


> What exactly have I said that's bitter? I'm curious. Please cite the exact quote. I think you're just taking my observation personally and lashing out making baseless attacks about my character based on two sentences I said to you.


@bolded

Not at all.

Also, you attacked me first ( calling me passive aggressive while being passive aggressive yourself ) so if anything you seemed to be the one that took what I've said earlier in this thread personally. Then there is the fact you say "dont care for what you have to say" which just reeks of underlying messages and you claimed I have a tantrum (reading too much into what I typed)

Regardless, neither of us care about what the other has to say. I certainly don't considering my impressions of you. But none of that really matters.

Anyways, it's all over. "Arguing" anymore would just be futile and a waste of time.


----------



## diamondheart89

Ice Eyes said:


> @bolded
> 
> Not at all.
> 
> Also, you attacked me first ( calling me passive aggressive while being passive aggressive yourself ) so if anything you seemed to be the one that took what I've said earlier in this thread personally.
> 
> Regardless, neither of us care about what the other has to say. I certainly don't considering my impressions of you. But none of that really matters.
> 
> Anyways, it's all over. "Arguing" anymore would just be futile and a waste of time.


So basically you have no actual basis for calling me bitter other than "I'm butthurt by your observation of my behavior". Thanks for clearing that up.


----------



## Ice Eyes

diamondheart89 said:


> So basically you have no actual basis for calling me bitter other than "I'm butthurt by your observation of my behavior". Thanks for clearing that up.


Ad hominem and overly sensitive behavior in addition to bitterness. 
Thank you.


----------



## OwlGirl

A thousand times "no" ..


----------



## TheDarkGuardian

This is the part where I come along, look at the thread and just facepalm...


----------



## TicklemeRingo

Sex


----------



## arnie

komorikun said:


> *Good looking dicks maybe*. It's not like you can know someone's personality very well from a couple hours of making out in a nightclub. Didn't you also say your friends had girlfriends and cheated on them all the time?


*MUST. NOT. REPLY.......*


----------



## Donkeybutt

Hell no. I would rather die than have a one night stand!:afr


----------



## komorikun

arnie said:


> *MUST. NOT. REPLY.......*


why are you quoting the same post twice? you already quoted it yesterday.


----------



## rymo

komorikun said:


> why are you quoting the same post twice? you already quoted it yesterday.


That's right arnie, don't you know about the double post quote rule?

Also, good looking dicks.


----------



## arnie

komorikun said:


> why are you quoting the same post twice? you already quoted it yesterday.


I learned how to edit gifs in photoshop, so I deleted the first one and posted the fixed version.


----------



## Gwynevere

Didn't read the thread so sorry if this was already said, but I just don't see the benefit to a one night stand for women. It wouldn't make sense to me for any woman to go through with one.


----------



## EternallyRestless

Gwynevere said:


> Didn't read the thread so sorry if this was already said, but I just don't see the benefit to a one night stand for women. It wouldn't make sense to me for any woman to go through with one.


If she's attracted to someone but doesn't want anything more than sex..?


----------



## meganmila

Gwynevere said:


> Didn't read the thread so sorry if this was already said, but I just don't see the benefit to a one night stand for women. It wouldn't make sense to me for any woman to go through with one.


Shocker, women like sex too and they get horny and want some. And not all women get love and sex confused with each other.


----------



## Gwynevere

meganmila said:


> Shocker, women like sex too and they get horny and want some. And not all women get love and sex confused with each other.


This is not a shocker to me.

You seem to have seriously misread my question. I asked about one-night stands, not NSA sex.

This could clarify my question http://jezebel.com/no-duh-women-have-a-hard-time-orgasming-during-random-1462459012


----------



## meganmila

Gwynevere said:


> This is not a shocker to me.
> 
> You seem to have seriously misread my question. I asked about one-night stands, not NSA sex.
> 
> This could clarify my question http://jezebel.com/no-duh-women-have-a-hard-time-orgasming-during-random-1462459012


I don't think I misread your question. What I said is considered for one night stands not just NSA sex.

I don't think all women except to have an orgasm during random sex. For me I don't have to have an orgasm to have a good time. It's still enjoyable without the orgasm. Just going by my experiences.


----------



## markwalters2

I'd do it everyday.


----------



## arnie

meganmila said:


> Shocker, women like sex too and they get horny and want some. And not all women get love and sex confused with each other.


Sex in a committed relationship is much more satisfying for women. 75% of women can orgasm in a relationship versus only 40% that can orgasm from a one night stand.

People like to complain about "double standards" all the time, but the reality is that men and women have different hormones, different neural wiring in the brain and respond to sex differently. There's another theory out there that women respond to the release of Oxytocin from sex differently than men. They are more likely to get attached while men have testosterone that makes them more immune to this effect.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/...-elusive-in-hookups/?ref=health?src=dayp&_r=2


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## meganmila

Dude, I'm just going by my experiences.


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## ericj

arnie said:


> Sex in a committed relationship is much more satisfying for women. 75% of women can orgasm in a relationship versus only 40% that can orgasm from a one night stand.


But we're comparing apples and oranges here. A ONS implies a single session, while "can orgasm in a relationship" implies they don't all the time. Does that mean it's more like 40% overall, or maybe lower (the ONS women might be self-selecting and only those that orgasm easily do it much).

I'm baffled by these claims because I've never been with someone I didn't get off multiple times, every time, including the first time (in relationships, of course). What is wrong with the men and/or women that can't do this? Why bother having sex at all?

Before someone says, "they were faking it", I'm well aware of what happens with real ones, and you can't fake them (it was tried on me once when I was going for a fourth orgasm, but I was like, "you have none of the signs, you can just tell me you're tired"). Women seem to think being vocal is all they need to do.

Women are a bit like fast sports cars with manual transmissions: Each one needs a slightly different touch, each has quirks, and while most of the same rules apply, where you push, where you go light, shift timing, and where you lay into them varies...


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## komorikun

ericj said:


> But we're comparing apples and oranges here. A ONS implies a single session, while "can orgasm in a relationship" implies they don't all the time. Does that mean it's more like 40% overall, or maybe lower (the ONS women might be self-selecting and only those that orgasm easily do it much).
> 
> I'm baffled by these claims because I've never been with someone I didn't get off multiple times, every time, including the first time (in relationships, of course). What is wrong with the men and/or women that can't do this? Why bother having sex at all?
> 
> Before someone says, "they were faking it", I'm well aware of what happens with real ones, and you can't fake them (it was tried on me once when I was going for a fourth orgasm, but I was like, "you have none of the signs, you can just tell me you're tired"). Women seem to think being vocal is all they need to do.
> 
> Women are a bit like fast sports cars with manual transmissions: Each one needs a slightly different touch, each has quirks, and while most of the same rules apply, where you push, where you go light, shift timing, and where you lay into them varies...


How many partners have you had? So you go down on your partners every time for good length of time?


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## ericj

komorikun said:


> So you go down on your partners every time for good length of time?


No, I only went down on two. One of those was just my curiosity. The other was because she was pretty hard to get off digitally (she could barely do it once a day herself, due to an unusually-long refractory period, so when I got her twice our first time together she was in shock), though this eventually changed as I refined my technique on her and eventually all I'd need to do is just enough digital to get her ready then we'd get her multiple vaginally.

The rest just needed some digital, a review of their erogenous zones, and sex. It really isn't that hard, but as I said, each one was unique.

These were in the context of 6+ month relationships before we started, so my results are obviously skewed. I have no clue how a ONS would go if they were trying to do it quickly, but it does make me curious about whether I could use general rules and get better than 40% success without resorting to oral. Of course, I'm not the type a girl would choose for a ONS, anyhow (I'm short, ugly, shy, and old), on top of the fact I wouldn't be willing to do it.


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## komorikun

ericj said:


> No, I only went down on two. One of those was just my curiosity. The other was because she was pretty hard to get off digitally (she could barely do it once a day herself, due to an unusually-long refractory period, so when I got her twice our first time together she was in shock), though this eventually changed as I refined my technique and all I'd need to do is some digital before we'd get her multiple vaginally.
> 
> The rest just needed some digital, a review of their erogenous zones, and sex. It really isn't that hard, but as I said, each one is unique.
> 
> These were in the context of 6+ month relationships before we started, so my results are obviously skewed. I have no clue how a ONS would go if they were trying to do it quick, but it does make me curious about whether I could use generalities and get better than 40% success. Of course, I'm not the type a girl would choose for one, anyhow (I'm short, ugly, shy, and old), plus I wouldn't be willing to do it.


If you didn't go down on them every time then I think they were faking it. I could see this possible with one woman maybe but more than one highly unlikely.


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## ericj

I'm pretty sure. Like I said, you can't actually fake an orgasm. Luckily my first experience was with someone that did it _very readily_.

You can fake vaginal contractions? Hardened nipples? Eye dilation? Involuntary muscle movements? There are also very distinct vocal effects that I don't think are possible to fake that I noticed pretty quickly.

Another factor to mention is that I'm asexual with a hetero (not completely) affection orientation. Hence, my relationships have been with heterosexual women. I thoroughly researched what I'd need to know and go through a process not unlike what I do to feel out a car I'll be driving for a bit. The only reason I do it is for their benefit (and I enjoy knowing they're enjoying it).


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## Gwynevere

ericj said:


> You can fake vaginal contractions? Hardened nipples? Eye dilation? Involuntary muscle movements?


If all of those are present then I'll admit it may not be the most likely, but, 1)kegels, 2)cold room(also, hard nipples are not a sign of orgasm), 3)are you banging in bright light? seems normal, 4)shaking, twitching, bouncing, all able to done voluntarily


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## Elad

I'm not really interested in them, although I was when a little younger. Would do every once in a while but not often.


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## gunner21

Gwynevere said:


> Didn't read the thread so sorry if this was already said, but I just don't see the benefit to a one night stand for women. It wouldn't make sense to me for any woman to go through with one.


What? why doesn't it make sense for women?


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## ericj

Gwynevere said:


> If all of those are present then I'll admit it may not be the most likely, but, 1)kegels, 2)cold room(also, hard nipples are not a sign of orgasm), 3)are you banging in bright light? seems normal, 4)shaking, twitching, bouncing, all able to done voluntarily


1) Yeah, but not in the same way. It throbs more and contracts rhythmically. It's not just a tightening.
2) They can be arousal, true.
3) You have that backward.
4) True. My only counter is which ones twitch/shake.

I guess if they faked all of them in all cases. It's entirely possible. I cannot fathom why they wanted to do it again, though.


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## diamondheart89

gunner21 said:


> What? why doesn't it make sense for women?


One night stands almost never mean orgasm for the women. So... what's the point. I guess if you're extremely lonely or need some sort of validation you might go for one... but it seems like a lot of effort for little reward.


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## Sacrieur

Actually I change my answer to, "prefer multiple night stands, breakfast included".



diamondheart89 said:


> One night stands almost never mean orgasm for the women. So... what's the point. I guess if you're extremely lonely or need some sort of validation you might go for one... but it seems like a lot of effort for little reward.


Sounds like they're sleeping with the wrong guys, then.


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## diamondheart89

Sacrieur said:


> Actually I change my answer to, "prefer multiple night stands, breakfast included".
> 
> Sounds like they're sleeping with the wrong guys, then.


Not really, most women don't have orgasms easily or at all during penetration and during one nights stands, most guys will probably not be focusing on giving her pleasure and learning to do that since it's largely about convenience and expediency.


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## Sacrieur

diamondheart89 said:


> Not really, most women don't have orgasms easily or at all during penetration and during one nights stands, most guys will probably not be focusing on giving her pleasure and learning to do that since it's largely about convenience and expediency.


Really? That sounds terrible.


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## Milco

diamondheart89 said:


> One night stands almost never mean orgasm for the women. So... what's the point. I guess if you're extremely lonely or need some sort of validation you might go for one... but it seems like a lot of effort for little reward.


I think there are quite a few people who value the sex itself at least as much as the orgasm. So I don't see why women wanting one night stands would have to be lonely, desperate or anything like that.
That said, most studies do find that women typically enjoy them less than men do, so there probably are fewer women who actively seek them out. But I wouldn't think there had to be something 'wrong' with a woman to want one.


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## diamondheart89

Sacrieur said:


> Really? That sounds terrible.


No it just means one night stands aren't as attractive to women in general, there are exceptions, of course.


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## Sacrieur

diamondheart89 said:


> No it just means one night stands aren't as attractive to women in general, there are exceptions, of course.


I can see why.


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## diamondheart89

Milco said:


> I think there are quite a few people who value the sex itself at least as much as the orgasm. So I don't see why women wanting one night stands would have to be lonely, desperate or anything like that.
> That said, most studies do find that women typically enjoy them less than men do, so there probably are fewer women who actively seek them out. But I wouldn't think there had to be something 'wrong' with a woman to want one.


I didn't say something was wrong with them for seeking one out. But there is less motivation to do so.


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## EternallyRestless

arnie said:


> Sex in a committed relationship is much more satisfying for women.


WOMEN CAN ENJOY CASUAL SEX. NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS A RELATIONSHIP. /thread.


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## arnie

EternallyRestless said:


> WOMEN CAN ENJOY CASUAL SEX. NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS A RELATIONSHIP. /thread.


*WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME???* I provided a source to back up my statement.


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## EternallyRestless

arnie said:


> *WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME???* I provided a source to back up my statement.


It wasn't just you in particular, it was directed towards everyone who falsely believes that women don't _really_ want casual sex and _really_ want a relationship. I've had casual sex. I have no desire for a serious relationship.


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## arnie

EternallyRestless said:


> It wasn't just you in particular, it was directed towards everyone who falsely believes that women don't _really_ want casual sex and _really_ want a relationship. I've had casual sex. I have no desire for a serious relationship.


Good.... for you?


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## Gwynevere

EternallyRestless said:


> It wasn't just you in particular, it was directed towards everyone who falsely believes that women don't _really_ want casual sex and _really_ want a relationship. I've had casual sex. I have no desire for a serious relationship.


I'm pretty sure he's the only one in the thread to say that though. No one else claimed women can't want casual sex.


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## arnie

Gwynevere said:


> I'm pretty sure he's the only one in the thread to say that though. No one else claimed women can't want casual sex.


But that's not what I said.



arnie said:


> Sex in a committed relationship is much more satisfying for women. 75% of women can orgasm in a relationship versus only 40% that can orgasm from a one night stand.
> 
> http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/...-elusive-in-hookups/?ref=health?src=dayp&_r=2


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## ChrisSAS

Nope


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## Terranaut

Not at all a fan. It's very disquieting to have opened yourself to sex and then find out that you have no use for who it is that you just took to bed and sexed. It's actually disgusting. A lot of men think it's a measure of being a player, but it's a yard stick where a six inch ruler will do. Sex if not really fulfilling at all much less validating if it's been a fraud and some kind of conquest over a dullard female you don't otherwise respect. I don't know how some men just notch their belt and call it a win when it's hot. It's a loss to your own shallowness. That's why I don't have hundreds of notches and I regret quite a few of the paltry 30-35 I have for 58 years of life. At least half were "pushed" on me by fix up agents to which i acquiesced out of having no reason to say no when i was younger. But with it all to do over I would have said no, and I would have tried much harder with the ones I admired and felt for, because only they really count on the invisible ego sheet. Otherwise numbers mean nothing, except only to shallow idiots who don't know what's what.


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## scooby

Terranaut said:


> Not at all a fan. It's very disquieting to have opened yourself to sex and then find out that you have no use for who it is that you just took to bed and sexed. It's actually disgusting. A lot of men think it's a measure of being a player, but it's a yard stick where a six inch ruler will do. Sex if not really fulfilling at all much less validating if it's been a fraud and some kind of conquest over a dullard female you don't otherwise respect. I don't know how some men just notch their belt and call it a win when it's hot. It's a loss to your own shallowness. That's why I don't have hundreds of notches and I regret quite a few of the paltry 30-35 I have for 58 years of life. At least half were "pushed" on me by fix up agents to which i acquiesced out of having no reason to say no when i was younger. But with it all to do over I would have said no, and I would have tried much harder with the ones I admired and felt for, because only they really count on the invisible ego sheet. Otherwise numbers mean nothing, except only to shallow idiots who don't know what's what.


Speak for yourself when you say its not fulfilling. Some people just want sex. So what? Sex feels good physically, and people find it fun.


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## Terranaut

scooby said:


> Speak for yourself when you say its not fulfilling. Some people just want sex. So what? Sex feels good physically, and people find it fun.


AH, merry Christmas. Let it be assumed that i speak for myself. That will save you from getting the wrong impression and piping up to alienate yourself unnecessarily. I'm big on evangelizing the message of uniqueness where the opposite is true of either being created or being created equal. I don't feel the need to repeat that qualification every time i give my view on things but for the sake of getting along perhaps you will remember me from here forward and recall that I I speak for no one but myself. And I find the one night stand problematic--especially when it involves intoxicants because people of both genders often regret stuff they have done when they were in altered states. To me it is usually uncomfortable and I have passed on it for that reason. I can't tell myself I rock or rule because I had sex if the affections were 100% or more than 50% whiskey muscle, bong vision or crack craziness. What a person of character and depth measures themselves by is validation by the sober who after the event want, without any asterisks or reservations to know you more. And if my language has strayed from hypothetical into sounding personal and judgmental I apologize. I'm a little under the influence and mean it all theoretically and not to judge anyone else--just reflect my own ethics and morals. You go ahead on and knock yourself out at what you believe. No problem.


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## meganmila

:stu I wasn't excepting an orgasm when i did casual sex. I honestly find it fun with out one and don't have to have it. So saying what's the point when you don't get an orgasm, it seems like people expect to have an orgasm every time they have sex, it seems like a lot of pressure. I say just relax and have fun.


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## arnie

diamondheart89 said:


> One night stands almost never mean orgasm for the women. So... what's the point. I guess if you're extremely lonely or need some sort of validation you might go for one... but it seems like a lot of effort for little reward.





diamondheart89 said:


> I didn't say something was wrong with them for seeking one out. But there is less motivation to do so.


Exactly. I'm guessing a lot of men enjoy the thrill of the chase and a feeling of accomplishment for getting a new girl into bed, but what exactly are girls getting out of this?


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## diamondheart89

arnie said:


> Exactly. I'm guessing a lot of men enjoy the thrill of the chase and a feeling of accomplishment for getting a new girl into bed, but what exactly are girls getting out of this?


I'm guessing some women find having sex with new hot guys thrilling too?


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## meganmila

I don't understand why some people find it hard to understand that some women are into this.


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## TheDarkGuardian

meganmila said:


> I don't understand why some people find it hard to understand that some women are into this.


cos they jealous sis


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## TicklemeRingo

meganmila said:


> I don't understand why some people find it hard to understand that some women are into this.


 Agree


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## komorikun

meganmila said:


> I don't understand why some people find it hard to understand that some women are into this.


Maybe they think women have low sex drives or somehow women's sex drive is only turned on after being romanced/wined and dined.

Anyways it's not like it's either or. Either have one night stands or have relationships. You can pursue both at the same time.


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## Kalliber

Nope..learned my lesson


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## Jesuszilla

komorikun said:


> Anyways it's not like it's either or. Either have one night stands or have relationships. You can pursue both at the same time.


This may be hard for a lot of SASers to believe but that is how most people date. At least in my age group.


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## arnie

arnie said:


> Exactly. I'm guessing a lot of men enjoy the thrill of the chase and a feeling of accomplishment for getting a new girl into bed, but what exactly are girls getting out of this?





komorikun said:


> Maybe they think women have low sex drives or somehow women's sex drive is only turned on after being romanced/wined and dined.


Men have waaaaaay more testosterone so they desire sex a lot more, even though it's pleasurable to both genders.


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## hypestyle

I have yet to be remotely in any position to even broach the idea of a one-nighter. As usual, I lose out by default.


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## Kevin001

I mean I could but I'm more of a committed relationship type of guy I need the chemistry/emotions attached.


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## WillYouStopDave

shynesshellasucks said:


> Suppose you are single. Would you do them provided you have the right protection and are physically attracted to the person?


 I have done them quite a few times in the past. Although a lot of what I did were hookups with the same people several times.

Would I do it again now? Probably not. Definitely not with the stipulation of using a rubber. There's no real point in actual sex for pleasure if you're gonna ruin it with a rubber, IMO. To me, the whole point of sex with another person is actual contact. Putting a barrier there defeats the whole purpose and turns it into having sex with an object. I can do that without another person.

I would also probably not do it now for the same reason. I wouldn't want to have sex with a condom and I wouldn't want to take the risk of doing it without one. I have enough problems and I don't need an STD on top of the rest of them.

So, yes. When I was younger and more reckless I did it pretty much without giving it a second thought. I probably wouldn't do it again.


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## Virgo

If I knew how to even go about obtaining one-night stands, yeah absolutely. Interesting results at the time of me posting this. About ~60% of people between both men and women would flat out NOT, somewhat evenly distributed between genders. Still, between men and women, a very significant percentage of men would be on the opposite end of that scale and do it often, while a very small amount of women would do it often.

I voted once in a while, as a female. The only reason I wouldn't do it often is because I think I would legitimately get bored. It would have to be once in a while as sort of a spontaneous, random treat to myself. Assuming there was a way to be 100% certain for safety (there's not, I know, this is hypothetical).

Wow old thread lol


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## truant

Um ... I'm not actually sure I could sleep with someone I didn't want to date. I've never tried it before. It seems like it would be really weird and awkward.

I could see myself being so attracted to someone that I sleep with them shortly after meeting them, but whether or not it was a ONS or a first date would depend on whether or not they called me back, sad lol. Not that I'm in any danger of having to test this hypothetical.


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## tehuti88

Hookups aren't my thing.

Sex isn't my thing, either.

So...no.


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## AllTheSame

I've been there, done that. No. Not any more. I had a woman that was a friend with benefits last year, and we're still friends but that's very, very different from a one night stand. Anyway, ONSs are just not what I'm looking for anymore and....I did things when I was in my early twenties that I would _*never*_ do now and spending all that time and energy just for the sake of getting laid is not what I'm interested in anymore.

When I was at university me and my friends (both guy and girl friends, btw) sort of had this attitude that "bad decisions make great stories". No. No, they most def do not. Bad decisions are just bad decisions lmao. And some people live by this mantra "an awkward morning after is better than a lonely night alone".....nope, wrong again imo. Not anymore, not for me lol.


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## xxDark Horse

I could say I would never do one-night stands but honestly you never know. 

I mean I used to say I would never watch porn, yet a few months later I was typing in big booty puerto rican goddess without giving it a second thought. 

Who knows what the future may hold in store for me.


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## doe deer

no, it seems like such a big thing to do with a complete stranger. i know many people are into it but i can't understand the mindset behind it.


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## bloodymary

It´s for people whose down there is not connected to up there.


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## Karsten

Would prefer a relationship.


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## the collector

Waste of time, energy and spirit. The effect it will have on your spirit and heart is the worse. Heck, it can even eff up your body too in the way of stds.
Proverbs 4:23

Sent from my HTCONE using Tapatalk


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## CopadoMexicano

_hell_ no too risky.


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## komahina

Random one night stand no. But I have done "friends with benefits" and wouldn't rule out doing it again but haven't been interested in that since turning 22 (25 now). 
Now a days I want a relationship (preferably with someone who is as obsessed with sex as I am)


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## Vanishing Dreams

No option for I'm a male, I did it once and will never do it again. The real thing is never as good as the fantasy, at least in my case.


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## Carolyne

Maybe. I'll admit that I don't really want to lose my virginity that way.


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## feels

Never tried this but I don't think it would suit me too much. I feel like if I wanna sleep with you I probably wanna date you too. There have been times where I've thought about hooking up with people I knew I'd probably never see again, but knowing me it'd probably just make me feel ****ty overall.


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## xxDark Horse

I don't think i'm horny enough for 1 night stands.


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## Nekomata

I would but not so often. Or, I HAD, but probably wouldn't go for it again. I'm more interested in the platonic bonding, sex doesn't interest me that much.


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