# Why are older men creepy?



## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

When I googled the title of this post, one of the first things I saw was that it is assumed that old men are just in it for sex. Now, I realize there is some proportion of men -- of all ages -- that are just looking for sex; but why would this be "more" prevalent among older men than younger ones? Is it an emotional thing that whoever is less attractive is being blamed for just looking for sex? For example, would they blame obese guys (of all ages) as just looking for sex, more so than the guys of normal weight? 

One explanation that I saw was that sex is the only obvious item that would make young women better. But then, by the same logic, why can't you say that young men that want to date women their own age (as opposed to women 10 years older then themselves) are also just after sex? I mean, the fact is that women in their 20-s are simply more desirable for men of all ages. So why is it that in case of men in their 20-s you give them the benefit of the doubt, while in case of older men you say that they are after sex -- if actually we are talking about the same exact age preference in both cases? 

The only answer to the last question I could find was that in case of younger men you could say that they want to date same age group because they have more in common with them, but in case of older men they don't have anything in common with that age group, so sex is the only "uncrossed" item on a "check list" of the possible reasons they might be interested. But wait a second. How about the following non-sexual reason that would explain preferences of men of all age groups. Just like dating women in the 20-s is something that men of all age groups would prefer, in the same way, BEING in the 20-s is something everybody -- of both genders and all age groups -- would prefer as well. When I was a kid I wanted to get older, when I was in the 20-s, I wanted to stay taht age, when I am in the 30-s I want to be younger. But guess what: in all three cases I wanted to be in my 20-s. But now what is the closest thing to being in my 20-s? Well that would be doing everything people i their 20-s do, including dating that age group. See? So the explanation of "having something in common" with people in thehir 20-s does cover all age groups: particularly since time speeds up when I age so it feels like I am "trapped into the older body" and really belong to my 20-s. 

P.S. If I was married (and its unfortunate that I am not) then no I won't divorce my wife to be with someone in their 20-s, because in this case I wouldn't feel like I missed out on anything: me and my wife would have experienced younger dating when we were both younger and now we would be moving to the older age together. Its the fact that I am single and missed out on quality dating that makes me go back in time. So yeah, if we talk about married men looking for younger women to cheat on their wifes then I agree its creepy: any type of cheating is! But in this post I am focusing on single men, like myself.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

At every age women prefer to date men around their own age. Men prefer to date women in their early 20s. This is the average some women like young guys (Adonis archetype,) some men like older ('milfs') Some women will make exceptions for exceptional older men especially if they don't look their age - that's why you see larger age gaps among celebrities. But most women don't want a guy 20 years older than them if he doesn't have something to show for it that makes him stand out.

You will have to try and date women your own age or accept that you will struggle. Most women in their 20s want to date guys in their 20s. Guys they meet in their social circle and through social networking and dating sites, and other events that will generally attract people of a certain age.

I think another reason they probably see a preference for young women as offputting is it suggests you are stunted. That seems to be true in your case. And if a guy is attracted to older women or women their own age it makes them seem more intelligent and less controlled by their instincts.

I found this comment on reddit just now:



> The only time I called someone out on it ("can I ask you why you don't want to date someone your own age?") he said, simply, "I have nothing in common with women my age." That was all the answer I needed.


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

I wouldn't say all older men, just some ****CAUSALSET****


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## JH1983 (Nov 14, 2013)

There was nothing magical about dating in my 20's compared to dating in my 30's. If anything it's better now because I have more money and the women I've dated have more money, so we can afford to do cooler stuff and go on trips. You didn't miss out on anything special. Quit worrying about missed opportunities in the past and make the most of your life.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

I like @Persephone The Dread 's answer, though I must admit I didn't read the OP's post really. I sorta like the causalset posts though, but they are strange and its best in my experience not to engage in debate.

Going by the title though, yeh, isn't the idea of old men oogling and lusting after young women inherently creepy?

Just really want to be in on causalset thread but not really engage with it.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

splendidbob said:


> I like @Persephone The Dread 's answer, though I must admit I didn't read the OP's post really. I sorta like the causalset posts though, but they are strange and its best in my experience not to engage in debate.
> 
> Going by the title though, yeh, isn't the idea of old men oogling and lusting after young women inherently creepy?
> *
> Just really want to be in on causalset thread but not really engage with it.*


lol it's like those people who type 'first' you've reserved a spot.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Persephone The Dread said:


> At every age women prefer to date men around their own age.
> :


Source? I always thought younger women liked slightly older guys because the young ones are so immature. I did a bit of googling and found this interesting chart which show that :










http://aplus.com/a/age-women-prefer-boyfriends-to-be-charts-randy-olson?no_monetization=true


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## SFC01 (Feb 10, 2016)

scarpia said:


> Source? I always thought younger women liked slightly older guys because the young ones are so immature. I did a bit of googling and found this interesting chart which show that :
> 
> 
> 
> ...


woohoo, there is life left in the old goat yet !!


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

Well I do tend to mysteriously appear behind people, breathing heavily on their necks. I suppose that counts as creepy these days.


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## Grog (Sep 13, 2013)

Younger women provide life , they haven't been beaten down with life yet , most haven't had children yet , they still see the world as exciting and new , have energy , are happier , have ambitions , want to have fun , not set in routines , the list goes on . 
There for younger is simply more attractive and it's not just sex , its life . 

Older men seem to only want sex because the maturity level of younger women if pucking annoying . What I mean is both men and women in their 20 think they know it all ( don't take offence any one we all go through it as a normal stage of life ) not children but inexperienced adults . 

There is so much more to it but that will do for me now .


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

Older people are supposed to be mature and have more control over their emotions. Oogling at a girl half your age just looks childish.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Grog said:


> Younger women provide life , they haven't been beaten down with life yet , most haven't had children yet , they still see the world as exciting and new , have energy , are happier , have ambitions , want to have fun , not set in routines , the list goes on .
> There for younger is simply more attractive and it's not just sex , its life .


There. Thats exactly why I want younger women for non-sexual reasons.



Grog said:


> Older men seem to only want sex because the maturity level of younger women if pucking annoying .


Not if I missed my chance to experience that freedom when i was that age! I remember how, when I was 21, I was so excited about getting out of my parents place and experiencing freedom for the first time. Too bad my Asperger ruined the experience. So I want to experience it now, better late than never.

On the other hand, there is no such thing as missing out on sex. Sure, sexual drive might go down with age, but who cares, the concept is the same. So all that excitement of freedom of 20-something life is dozens times better than any sex put together! Hey, if it was "only" about sex I doubt I would be here *****ing about it with all those multiple posts (and I don't get why other men do).



Grog said:


> What I mean is both men and women in their 20 think they know it all ( don't take offence any one we all go through it as a normal stage of life ) not children but inexperienced adults .


Yeah, I remember that time in my life, and I liked it a lot better than my life right now. One way in which I like girls is when I see myself in them. So if I could see my past self (the version of myself I like a lot better than the present version of myself) in a girl I date, that would be a sure recipy to relate to her, and feel healthier for once.

P.S. On a completely different note, younger women are better in the area of emotional intimacy too (note: I am talking about emotional intimacy, not physical one!) When I am at the library and I overhear a girl having quiet conversation with her fellow student, even if it is about coursework, I can't help but feel the emotional connection in her voice (I mean, even "we are on the same boat we both suck in this course" is a type of emotional connection). Somehow, I never feel that when I overhear two middle age people talking about, say, their bills. I just don't. So I guess it goes back to them being worn out by life which not only deprives them from being adventurous but also from emotional intimacy capacity as well.


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## a degree of freedom (Sep 28, 2011)

causalset said:


> When I googled the title of this post


You're sure this doesn't introduce a form of bias into this discussion?


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## persona non grata (Jul 13, 2011)

Because they textwall constantly


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

scarpia said:


> Source? I always thought younger women liked slightly older guys because the young ones are so immature. I did a bit of googling and found this interesting chart which show that :
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Don't know about under 20s.










^ also from OKCupid. Some weird stuff happens around menopause it seems, but usually within a couple of years.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

All that really matters is if it's creepy to the people in the actual relationship. Everyone else shouldn't even have an opinion on it. To me, that's what's creepy.


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## WillYouStopDave (Jul 14, 2013)

1. Young women are hot.

2. Old men aren't.

3. Most women are more attractive and more appealing to men for longer than most men are to most women.

4. Most people want whatever they feel is optimal for them. Young women usually do not have anything to gain from dating old men.

Basic stuff. It just is.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> lol it's like those people who type 'first' you've reserved a spot.


Yeh, I'm not going to fill it with anything though, maybe links to my ebook if I ever turn fully evil and start seeding my old posts with links

I probably shouldn't have mentioned that, might have given a couple of posters here ideas (they aren't selling ebooks obviously though).



Karsten said:


> Older people are supposed to be mature and have more control over their emotions. Oogling at a girl half your age just looks childish.


This is why I like my gym so much. Mirrors everywhere. Though thinking about it now, just because I am looking through a mirror doesn't mean they can't see me looking. Hmm I might have been misjudging things rather badly for the last 4 months .












Persephone The Dread said:


> Don't know about under 20s.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Christ, that graph is a killer for poor Bob. All over. FML.

(its ok I have retin a now and there is always beard dye. I am definitely 34 atm so a few years left yet)


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

splendidbob said:


> Christ, that graph is a killer for poor Bob. All over. FML.
> 
> (its ok I have retin a now and there is always beard dye. I am definitely 34 atm so a few years left yet)


Tbh just avoid OKCupid generally. I never used a dating site and already have this huge negative opinion of their usefulness just based on other people's stories.

Also the male one is worse, almost every ideal age is 20.


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## SplendidBob (May 28, 2014)

Persephone The Dread said:


> Tbh just avoid OKCupid generally.


I avoid all sources of femulids.


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## Karsten (Apr 3, 2007)

splendidbob said:


> This is why I like my gym so much. Mirrors everywhere. Though thinking about it now, just because I am looking through a mirror doesn't mean they can't see me looking. Hmm I might have been misjudging things rather badly for the last 4 months .
> )


I didn't mean checking them out.

My version of creepy older man is that dad who flirts with his daughter's friends, or that deli owner who calls every young woman "sweetheart".

I had a middle school teacher who would would stare down his students blouses and say things in a flirty tone. Stuff like that just rubs me the wrong way.


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## thomasjune (Apr 7, 2012)

Men are pretty much fcked. Seems like with every passing decade the creepier people seem to view us. Even if some of us are attracted to women closer to are own age.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

I'm not even clear what the OP's question is.


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

On the way said:


> I'm not even clear what the OP's question is.


 I'm guessing he wants to know why it is that it's creepy (to these young women) to be an old guy wanting the hookup and not creepy for a young guy wanting the hookup.


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## Rains (Jan 20, 2016)

causalset said:


> T
> P.S. On a completely different note, younger women are better in the area of emotional intimacy too (note: I am talking about emotional intimacy, not physical one!) When I am at the library and I overhear a girl having quiet conversation with her fellow student, even if it is about coursework, I can't help but feel the emotional connection in her voice (I mean, even "we are on the same boat we both suck in this course" is a type of emotional connection). Somehow, I never feel that when I overhear two middle age people talking about, say, their bills. I just don't. So I guess it goes back to them being worn out by life which not only deprives them from being adventurous but also from emotional intimacy capacity as well.


Interesting but this is a really odd take because I have the complete opposite view. It's typical of girls and young women to do that cliquey, conspiratorial thing, often it's kind of done on purpose almost like showing off (posturing). And when it's not, it's still often not indicative of genuine emotional intimacy. I can't tell you how often I've seen that or occasionally partaken in that, with others that I would never call a friend. Also I've seen girls who down right ****ing hate each other be charming and inclusive to each other's faces. Even call each other pet names... they still hate each other. It's a social style. And if you're studying at a uni (which I think you are?) then yeah you're going to witness young women do it a lot because you're surrounded by them. Some of them outgrow it and others don't.

You do make a good attempt at rationalizing though.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

Karsten said:


> Older people are supposed to be mature and have more control over their emotions. Oogling at a girl half your age just looks childish.


Wait 'till you hit 40 bud and you see tasty teens prancing around in skimpy clothes looking like hookers. Then get back to us.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

thomasjune said:


> Men are pretty much fcked. Seems like with every passing decade the creepier people seem to view us. Even if some of us are attracted to women closer to are own age.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you don't have a college degree you're a subhuman to woman.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

scarpia said:


> If you don't have a college degree you're a subhuman to woman.


No, this is just because you're a republican, and you use phrases like "tasty teens".


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## Kilgore Trout (Aug 10, 2014)

Because few people care when you insult men. But if you insult women a lot of people will be upset.

For this reason it is acceptable to call guys "creepy". As a guy I find this quite offensive. It is the male version of "w.hore". How acceptable is it to address a woman like that?
Compare that to the easily and commonly used word "creepy".

I think the only reason such subject would even be discussed is because of that. A thread discussing "why teen girls are *****s?" would most probably get deleted. (it's even a censored word)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

finallyclosed said:


> No, this is just because you're a republican, and you use phrases like "tasty teens".


I'm not a republican. I'm God.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

scarpia said:


> I'm not a republican. I'm God.


Oh, I thought god was a republican.


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## scarpia (Nov 23, 2009)

geraltofrivia said:


> Because few people care when you insult men. But if you insult women a lot of people will be upset.
> 
> For this reason it is acceptable to call guys "creepy". As a guy I find this quite offensive. It is the male version of "w.hore". How acceptable is it to address a woman like that?
> Compare that to the easily and commonly used word "creepy".
> ...


BRAVO!!!










HELP MODERATOR!! MODERATOR - misandry thread!!!!


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

scarpia said:


> If you don't have a college degree you're a subhuman to woman.


I do have college degree though. A lot more than that: I have Ph.D. (in Physics) and now I am doing second Ph.D. in math -- which is why I am so old and still in school. I completted my Physics Ph.D. back when I was 29, then did some postdocs and hten, at 36, started my math Ph.D.

Yet, despite all that, the word "subhuman" is precisely how women look at me. And it makes me wonder: why do they treat those regular college guys (and obviously most of them don't have a college degree yet since they are still in college) as human yet they treat me as subhuman? I was thinking of one girl in particular, who is a cashier, and she talks BOTH to those lame college kids AND I once caught her talking to a man who was like 60 who looked like a male version of the photo you posted, and engaging in conversation for over 10 minutes in both cases; yet I am the one she regards as subhuman, all because I came off too awkward that one little time she did try to talk (she was like "hello how are you" and I was like "by the way I already paid at that other cashier" -- which I should have known she knew based on the whole setup but I didn't kow that setup I was new on campus; and then she treated me as subhuman ever since).


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## twitchy666 (Apr 21, 2013)

*I'm different*

I just hate younger people. I was young. smudged amount of confidence then.
I was naughty. jail.

17-25 ideal.

then old.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Rains said:


> Interesting but this is a really odd take because I have the complete opposite view. It's typical of girls and young women to do that cliquey, conspiratorial thing, often it's kind of done on purpose almost like showing off (posturing). And when it's not, it's still often not indicative of genuine emotional intimacy. I can't tell you how often I've seen that or occasionally partaken in that, with others that I would never call a friend. Also I've seen girls who down right ****ing hate each other be charming and inclusive to each other's faces. Even call each other pet names... they still hate each other. It's a social style. And if you're studying at a uni (which I think you are?) then yeah you're going to witness young women do it a lot because you're surrounded by them. Some of them outgrow it and others don't.
> 
> You do make a good attempt at rationalizing though.


Very interesting point. I never thought that was the case. I mean if they "hate" each other, like you put it, why would they be talking to each other on the first place? Could it be that it is more like a love/hate relationship where they are kind of on a rollercoaster? In this case, I would still think that it is better than in my case where they think there is nothing to ever like about me at all and that I am not even a human.

I do remember exactly ONE time in my life where this type of intimate conversation was directed towards me, and it was back in 2005. There was that girl in a math class that approached me. She had bipolar, I have Asperger. And she invited me to study together, and there was one time when she asked me whether I am lucky I have Asperger, and I asked her what does she mean or why would I feel that way, and she said that well people in her office are so shallow all they do is play video games, and then she said how, due to her bipolar, she sees that there is more to human interaction than just that, and was wondering whether I feel the same due to my Asperger. I don't remember if I verbalized it or not (if I didn't its a pity, sometimes I don't verbalize things due to Asperger) but I could relate to what she said on a very deep level, and that was one of the top reasons I was liking her (although I admit it wasn't THE top: the first two reasons was that she was a sister of a senator and also that she was a math graduate student). She LJBF-ed me though when I asked her out, and the reason was that I mentioned to her that my mom shelters me and she decided I would prefer sheltering relationship over any other kind of relationship, which wasn't what she wanted; the truth is that yes, my mom did shelter me (I guess still does but back then she did a whole lot more) but she did that against my will, so why on earth would I actually want my girlfriend to do it? But I guess right at the moment my mind didn't think clearly enough that THIS should have been THE point I should have communicated to her; instead I said other things that made her "done" with this subject, and then I never got a chance to ever make this one very simple point to her even when I realize that was the one and only thing I wanted to tell her. Long story short, things deteriorated and we were no longer friends a month later. But anyway, back to the point you were making: I was bringing her as an example of someone who had intimate conversation with me (which happened few days BEFORE I asked her out and got LJBF-ed) and I really don't feel like she was showing off to anyone. I mean she claimed to have no friends and I was the only person she regarded as a friend. Even when she LJBF-ed me she said "you are like my bestest friend I would be devastated if I lose you as a friend". Or are you saying there "were" people at the library whom she knew and wanted to show off to? If so, she must have been a really good actress in order to hide it so well. In any case, looking back, I would much rather be in a friendzone (with her or anyone else) than to be completely ostracized the way I am right now.


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## Alex4You (Jun 19, 2017)

Girls will find any guy creepy if they don't think he's attractive. If he's ugly, the guy is creepy. If he's hot, he's the opposite.


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## Neal (Jan 14, 2012)

Alex4You said:


> Girls will find any guy creepy if they don't think he's attractive. If he's ugly, the guy is creepy. If he's hot, he's the opposite.


 I think this is what it comes down to honestly but I got too scared to say it lol.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Alex4You said:


> Girls will find any guy creepy if they don't think he's attractive. If he's ugly, the guy is creepy. If he's hot, he's the opposite.


Yeah that is what I suspect too. But it makes no sense: why is it that unattractive guys specifically are the ones that are only looking for sex, while the attractive ones are the ones looking for something more meaningful? It makes no sense!


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Neal said:


> I'm guessing he wants to know why it is that it's creepy (to these young women) to be an old guy wanting the hookup and not creepy for a young guy wanting the hookup.


Oh. Because society judges a big age disparity negatively. The stereotype is that the woman is in it for the money or status, and the man is in it for the sex or the "trophy" quality. The judgment is that both of them are motivated by childish/adolescent sort of needs, and the relationship is superficial.


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## Peanutbutter Toast (Jul 20, 2011)

The problem here, OP, is that these girls just aren't attracted to you. Do you think they're thinking "man, that guy is so cute, but he looks over 30 so I'm creeped out by him"? Of course not.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Peanutbutter Toast said:


> The problem here, OP, is that these girls just aren't attracted to you. Do you think they're thinking "man, that guy is so cute, but he looks over 30 so I'm creeped out by him"? Of course not.


Then there is a bigger question: why is it "not attractive"="creepy"? In other words, why do they assume that unattractive men are the ones that are only after sex, while attractive men might be after something more meaningful?

Or let me give you even clearer example: what about women crossing the street when I walk. So they think I am unsafe because I am unattractive? And the men they are attracted to, they are assumed to be safe? Why?


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## Peanutbutter Toast (Jul 20, 2011)

causalset said:


> Then there is a bigger question: why is it "not attractive"="creepy"? In other words, why do they assume that unattractive men are the ones that are only after sex, while attractive men might be after something more meaningful?
> 
> Or let me give you even clearer example: what about women crossing the street when I walk. So they think I am unsafe because I am unattractive? And the men they are attracted to, they are assumed to be safe? Why?


When people see someone they are attracted to it triggers pleasure centers in their brain that make them more likely to treat the person differently. We are apes, after all, with primal emotions that determine much of our behavior.


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## Suede1971 (Jun 27, 2017)

I have met many ''attractive'' men who have been creepy as **** and view women as nothing more then objects rather then human beings, and no matter how attractive you are a woman will feel uncomfortable if they get those vibes no matter how attractive the person is.

Less ''attractive''(which itself is in the eye of the beholder) may come of as creepy because they can they sometimes come across as desperate.


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## caelle (Sep 9, 2008)

I think "creepy" is a very misused word. It's easier to say someone is creepy than it is to state that you're just uncomfortable.

I am not attracted to older men (20+ years older) and I don't want them flirting with me. I'm not creeped out by it, but it's uncomfortable. It's awkward.



causalset said:


> Or let me give you even clearer example: what about women crossing the street when I walk. So they think I am unsafe because I am unattractive? And the men they are attracted to, they are assumed to be safe? Why?


I can only speak for myself but attractiveness does not determine if I feel safe or not. It's a person's demeanor. Some men look so guarded and stone-faced. It can be intimidating and it's uncomfortable to be around them.


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## Qolselanu (Feb 15, 2006)

causalset said:


> Yeah that is what I suspect too. But it makes no sense:* why is it that unattractive guys specifically are the ones that are only looking for sex,* while the attractive ones are the ones looking for something more meaningful? It makes no sense!


The assumption might be that the unattractive guy clearly isn't capable of getting sex often or at all. Considering the typical high male sex drive, the automatic conclusion is that he must be desperate for sex to the point where any other reasons for dating are overshadowed.


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## Persephone The Dread (Aug 28, 2010)

causalset said:


> Yeah that is what I suspect too. But it makes no sense: why is it that unattractive guys specifically are the ones that are only looking for sex, while the attractive ones are the ones looking for something more meaningful? It makes no sense!


If they're very attractive in a stereotypical way, they'd probably be more likely to just want sex because they don't need a relationship to get sex. Unattractive guys who want casual sex don't have the luxury so they'll stay single/incel because they have no choice, or if they want a relationship as well try and get that.


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## truant (Jul 4, 2014)

Like @Delineate said, creepiness is mostly about boundary violations. If a man isn't respecting your space, he's being creepy. "Creeping" is a form of movement. It's a stealthy intrusion into a space where you don't belong. Though for humans that may be either a physical or psychological space.

Attractive men are less likely to be seen as creepy because if you _want_ someone to approach you and talk to you, then you won't feel like they're intruding. If you _don't_ want someone to approach you and talk to you and they do, it typically leads to feelings like irritation or awkwardness, which are met by restoring the distance; the woman declines to talk, or moves away from you. But if the man doesn't pick up her hints that she doesn't want to talk to them and they keep invading her space, their behavior becomes "creepy".

A man who doesn't respect your boundaries, regardless of how attractive he is, is creepy. Which is why even if you find a man very attractive, and at first you welcome being close to him, if it turns out later that he's very possessive and controlling (for example) he can turn into "a creep". Creepiness is about respect, not appearance. If women don't feel safe around you, they are probably going to think you're a creep. There are plenty of unattractive men who are not at all creepy because they have a healthy respect for women's boundaries and don't make women feel unsafe.

Because it's men who generally do the approaching, it's generally men who have to be sensitive to women's boundaries and not the other way around. So it's men who generally get called creeps. When men insult women, they use "ugly" instead; ie. they identify her as an object that it would be distasteful for them to pursue. The insults are directly tied to courtship mechanics. But unattractive women who approach men and don't pick up the hints that the man doesn't want to talk to her get called creepy, too.

Most men understand the concept of creepiness perfectly well. As a man, if another man wants to be physically close to you, and starts asking you all sorts of intimate personal questions, and starts following you around, you probably have no problem understanding that he's a creep. Well, that's how women feel, when men they're not interested in do that to them.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

truant said:


> Attractive men are less likely to be seen as creepy because if you _want_ someone to approach you and talk to you, then you won't feel like they're intruding. If you _don't_ want someone to approach you and talk to you and they do, it typically leads to feelings like irritation or awkwardness,


But you see, they have to _already_ think I am creepy in order to not want to talk to me on the first place. I mean, talking doesn't have to be romantic: I don't mind men talking to me even though I am not gay; and similarly I don't mind woman who is 60 talking to me either. So why is it women avoid talking to men they don't find attractive? And I am not talking about following them around or anything like that. I am talking about something as simple as the fact that if I need librarian to help me it would more often than not be male librarian because the female one doesn't want to interact with me; or in church when they ask peple to greet one another, IF I am lucky enough for anyone at all to greet me, it would typically be males and/or 50+ women; never young women (not even the ones in their 30s).


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Qolselanu said:


> The assumption might be that the unattractive guy clearly isn't capable of getting sex often or at all. Considering the typical high male sex drive, the automatic conclusion is that he must be desperate for sex to the point where any other reasons for dating are overshadowed.


Good point, except for the two things:

1. In my case, instead of being "desperate for _sex_ to the point that everything else is overshaddowed" I ended up being "desperate for _emotional connection_ to the point that everything else _(including sex)_ is overshaddowed". My sexual drive back at the time when I didn't know I had social problems and didn't care was a lot higher than it is now, probably because it was "overshaddowed", as you put it, by emotional needs that go unfulfilled.

2. If they realize that those men are desperate, why not help them out by introducing them to other women that might be interested and/or teaching them social skills? Are they assuming that those men are inherently inferior, and thats why instead of trying to help them they are labeling them as creepy for wanting anything on the first place?


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

I have no problem with age at all. Everyone has different preferences. I'd rather be with someone closer to my age. That's just my personal preference. I love my boyfriend and we have a lot of things in common. I'd never do anything to jeopardize that and ruin what I have.

Most young girls go for older men when they mature a bit.. Than there's men who love older woman. So I think it varies from person to person on what their looking for in a potential mate. Than there's others who think older men are creepy and think all they want is sex. It's very wise to get to know the person, rather than put them in a certain box and judge them by typical stereotypes.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> Than there's others who think older men are creepy and think all they want is sex. It's very wise to get to know the person, rather than put them in a certain box and judge them by typical stereotypes.


Or even if you do judge by stereotypes, this particular stereotype makes no sense. I was assuming all my life that the stereotype is that older people are wiser, and teenagers are the ones driven by hormones, and then a couple of years ago I ran into the stereotype that older men are the ones wanting sex. Wow, what a shocker.

I agree with you that we shouldn't judge by stereotypes (not even the "better" stereotypes) but still do you have ANY idea where does this particular stereotype come from?


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

cuz they're old and near death, and death is our biggest fear

and they're unsightly (I'm talkin like age 70-80 so no one gets offended here) and humans naturally seek out healthy looking mates

also because studies show that senior citizens actually seem to **** a lot.... surprising huh? and gross...

oh and stereotypes don't apply to everyone but I hate to say, they exist for a reason


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

forgetmylife said:


> cuz they're old and near death, and death is our biggest fear
> 
> and they're unsightly (I'm talkin like age 70-80 so no one gets offended here) and humans naturally seek out healthy looking mates
> 
> ...


So fear of death and being ugly makes person want to have sex all the time?! Makes no logical sense.


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## Aly (Nov 30, 2010)

lol I don't even know. I work as a cashier and old men are always winking at me


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## forgetmylife (Oct 1, 2011)

Aly said:


> lol I don't even know. I work as a cashier and old men are always winking at me


they're widowed , or perhaps not, and it's their last chance to get with a virgin :0

every man has that goal

lol, only kidding

my theory on why older men are creepy towards younger women...


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## On the way (Feb 9, 2006)

Aly said:


> lol I don't even know. I work as a cashier and old men are always winking at me


I don't know what age you're talking about, but if "old men" means elderly men, like 65+, they might be winking in a friendly not sexual way. You'd be the judge, because you know what vibe they're giving off. But plenty of elderly guys will wink as a sign of affection -- in a grandfatherly way, not in a "I want to get in your pants" way.

Not that there aren't elderly pervs. I'm just saying, winking by a senior citizen isn't necessarily a sexual come on.

Now if the "old men" you're referring to are 40 or 50, that's a different story.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

On the way said:


> Now if the "old men" you're referring to are 40 or 50, that's a different story.


I am 37 so thats the age group I am trying to discuss.


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## SunshineSam218 (Dec 6, 2013)

causalset said:


> Or even if you do judge by stereotypes, this particular stereotype makes no sense. I was assuming all my life that the stereotype is that older people are wiser, and teenagers are the ones driven by hormones, and then a couple of years ago I ran into the stereotype that older men are the ones wanting sex. Wow, what a shocker.
> 
> I agree with you that we shouldn't judge by stereotypes (not even the "better" stereotypes) but still do you have ANY idea where does this particular stereotype come from?


No, I don't. I just normally hear from others that they think older men are creepy and that all they want is sex. I usually pay no mind to what people say and go by getting to know the person rather than judging them so quickly. Everyone thinks differently. It's a good topic to talk about though to see what other people's opinions are. :smile2:


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## blue2 (May 20, 2013)

To make life more dramatic, it would be boring if everyone was nice all the time.


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## TheWelshOne (Sep 29, 2013)

causalset said:


> do you have ANY idea where does this particular stereotype come from?


Really, you don't get it?

Youth and beauty are inexorably linked in the world. A young, post-pubescent female is considered the pinnacle of beauty. Which is fine when you're a teen yourself, or in your twenties. But as you get older and the beauty ideal stays the same, it's seen as kinda weird. If you're drooling over an 18 year old while being old enough to be her father/grandfather/great-grandfather, it's weird and, yes, creepy. Natural, but creepy.


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## Chevy396 (Jul 10, 2017)

TheWelshOne said:


> Really, you don't get it?
> 
> Youth and beauty are inexorably linked in the world. A young, post-pubescent female is considered the pinnacle of beauty. Which is fine when you're a teen yourself, or in your twenties. But as you get older and the beauty ideal stays the same, it's seen as kinda weird. If you're drooling over an 18 year old while being old enough to be her father/grandfather/great-grandfather, it's weird and, yes, creepy. Natural, but creepy.


Speak for yourself. Most people would say that a "fluid" gender is creepy. Not me, but most people. Point is, who really cares what anyone thinks if it's creepy to them but not the people who are actually involved. Now, if the person being "drooled" over thinks it's creepy, then I suppose it _is_ creepy.


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## causalset (Sep 11, 2016)

Gentleheart_Flower said:


> No, I don't. I just normally hear from others that they think older men are creepy and that all they want is sex. I usually pay no mind to what people say and go by getting to know the person rather than judging them so quickly. Everyone thinks differently. It's a good topic to talk about though to see what other people's opinions are. :smile2:


I am glad to hear that you, personally, don't believe that stereotype. But here is a next question: didn't you find it surprising that others believe it? I mean picture this: so you have a hard-working student who is 20 year old with passion for math, science, and so forth. So what would you predict would become of him 10 years later? Well, he will drop all the interest in his studies and will focus on sex, since thats what age does to people. Now, does it make ANY sense? If not, how come you weren't surprised when people were saying thigns that amounted to this?


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