# Flirting?



## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

What exactly is flirting? what do guys consider flirting and what do girls? i can never tell the difference between flirting or being nice i have no clue at all. lmao. what do you guys think? its hard for me to understand because there are so many different people and some are just naturally really nice to everyone and some people are shy when they like people its just so hard to figure it all out....lol


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

I guess it is a mix of being nice and chemistry. If you talk to someone long enough there will be a pull on you of excitement and rush that will create a natural flirtation (sometimes). You may smile a lot with someone, touch them, compliment them and/or enjoy their company. Typically, it's mutual. Haha, I haven't done it for a while now to think of it lol...


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## Opie (Dec 28, 2006)

Eye contact, maybe some light touching, complimenting you, shows interest you...like ask what your plans are etc. You happen to live in NJ or NYC, we can practice in person!:b


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## Louis (Jun 30, 2009)

compliments (clothes, hair, eye colour, etc.) touching, being nice, asking a lot of questions about the guy. usually I get asked a lot about what I do in the army when a girls interested.


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## Deathinmusic (Jun 5, 2009)

It's being nice. Complimenting. Playful teasing (not mean spirited). Smiling. Joking around and laughing. It's a way of finding out if there's mutual attraction and can happen pretty much automatically.


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## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

^^ what they said. Just wanted to mention that there books on amazon and videos on youtube on the subject.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

what about staring ? lol


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## laura024 (Aug 11, 2006)

Well in my mind there are differences between flirting and expressing interest.
Examples of flirting include teasing playfully, light touching (something like touching the arm when the other person says a funny joke), winking, smiling suggestively. It's usually pretty obvious to detect.
Expressing interest or attraction is a lot broader and harder to label. Examples of this include lots of eye contact, checking out someone's body, blushing around that person, fixing one's hair or adjusting clothes to look good for someone.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

There is this girl at my work who is so darn friendly and outgoing when she first started working there she'd hug me, rub my neck, get way close to me, smile, tease me, etc, but I came to realize that was her personality (she's a pretty girl too). I've met friendly people before but not like that so that was a first. I even told her later I thought she was flirting with me when she first started working at the job and she just kind of laughed it off. Thought I'd share that


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

Don't ask me thats for sure. I'm oblivious to all flirting. My wife is sure to point it out when she sees someone flirting with me. I'm like "how was I supposed to know, I thought she was just being friendly." Heck, Im happy just to be talking to the opposite sex I wouldnt think of anyone flirting with me.


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## rickthegreat (Dec 22, 2008)

1applehearts1 said:


> what about staring ? lol


It depends on the sex of the person I think. If you're asking if a guy staring is flirting, then yes it is. Women think so anyway right? As a guy though, lemme just say, STARING is not cool. *Just IMHO*. It seems many women think that staring at a guy is good. Again, it could be my SA, but it is not good. I think that since WOMEN DO like being stared at by men (when they welcome flirtation) they think, "we'll if *I* think it's sexy, then men must think it's sexy for me to stare.". No. :b I do have bad SA though, so what the hell do I know!

*Having said that*-- if you *SMILE*while doing it, then that is GOOD. But *just staring* is not good. But I think most women don't have the nerve to smile while they stare or they end up doing the lazy eye thing. pff. That don't count! C'mon! If you *can* do it though, rock on. Eye him up and down too if you really want to send a strong message. :b, haha.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

tlgibson97 said:


> Don't ask me thats for sure. I'm oblivious to all flirting. My wife is sure to point it out when she sees someone flirting with me. I'm like "how was I supposed to know, I thought she was just being friendly." Heck, Im happy just to be talking to the opposite sex I wouldnt think of anyone flirting with me.


Yeah, I've had some people tell me girls were flirting with me and I didn't realize. I honestly don't think they were though. I think the people just told me that to get me going or something...


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## low (Sep 27, 2009)

Body language too. Counts for alot imo.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I'm just greatful my wife doesn't mind it. Some women would go off either on me or the woman doing the flirting. She encourages me to flirt because I spend most of the time in my shell.


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## april showers (Jun 27, 2009)

That's what confuses me. Reading the things mentioned in this thread are things I've seen guys done around me before. But in all honesty, it seems more like they're being friendly than anything. Or is flirting just a form of being friendly and doesn't mean much?


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## IcoRules (Apr 29, 2009)

All I know is that I'm bad at flirting, and I'm oblivious to picking it up from someone.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

i just thought when guys stare at me they think im weird or something. it makes me feel uncomfortable especially if they dont smile. im just like O___O , i guess they could be just zoning out lol. if i like a guy i dont stare at him because then he will know that i like him, hahaa.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> i just thought when guys stare at me they think im weird or something. it makes me feel uncomfortable especially if they dont smile. im just like O___O , i guess they could be just zoning out lol. if i like a guy i dont stare at him because then he will know that i like him, hahaa.


Guys don't stare at weird girls, they stare at sexy girls.

With our issues though, we always think the worse possible outcome.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

tlgibson97 said:


> Guys don't stare at weird girls, they stare at sexy girls.
> 
> With our issues though, we always think the worse possible outcome.


oh.

yeah i guess youre right i always think they think i look weird or something, epsecially if they dont smile. lmao. i hate being the center of attention, it makes me super nervous


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

I understand how you feel. Im a person that will look at someone and as soon as they look at me I whip my head around or pretend I was looking at something else. I am terrified that someone will see me looking at them. I have no idea why. Maybe I feel creepy, or will be thought of as a creep, for checking someone out. 

I don't notice when people are looking at me though because I try to be covert when I look. I look at them when they aren't looking and they probably look at me when I'm not looking. I was out at the mall last night with my wife and as we left she said she saw a few women checking me out. I had no idea. I had probably checked them out too but had no idea they were looking at me. How am I to know what they were looking at or what they were thinking. Do they think I am weird looking? I think I'm wierd looking so why not.

I'm just saying that there is no way to know what someone thinks. It is just in our nature to think the most negative of reasons. In reality, there is something they liked about you that caught their eye. If you actually turn their head then you have something they wanted an extra look at. 

The next time you catch someone staring try giving a smile and see their reaction. I know I have a hard time smiling too so I know its difficult.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

im the same way. when anyone looks at me i always look away because i get embarassed. and the same if someones looking at me and i look their way they turn their head and it makes me feel bad 

many times i'll go out and my mom will say "those guys were looking at you" and i always think shes exaggherating or something. i usually try to smile though when someone looks in my direction so i dont look like a snob or something, cause im not. lol. im always overanalyzing. thats funny though, must have made you feel good that the women at the mall liked you 


tlgibson97 said:


> I understand how you feel. Im a person that will look at someone and as soon as they look at me I whip my head around or pretend I was looking at something else. I am terrified that someone will see me looking at them. I have no idea why. Maybe I feel creepy, or will be thought of as a creep, for checking someone out.
> 
> I don't notice when people are looking at me though because I try to be covert when I look. I look at them when they aren't looking and they probably look at me when I'm not looking. I was out at the mall last night with my wife and as we left she said she saw a few women checking me out. I had no idea. I had probably checked them out too but had no idea they were looking at me. How am I to know what they were looking at or what they were thinking. Do they think I am weird looking? I think I'm wierd looking so why not.
> 
> ...


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

1applehearts1 said:


> thats funny though, must have made you feel good that the women at the mall liked you


Honestly, I don't really know how to feel about it. Im a person that doesnt get complemented a lot so I don't know how to take it. Plus, I don't know if they liked me. I am a bit odd looking so I probably get looks from a lot of people

My personality doesn't match my appearance at all. I look like a beatnick biker with a long goatee and a ponytail. People are surprised to find out I'm a really nice guy.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

tlgibson97 said:


> Honestly, I don't really know how to feel about it. Im a person that doesnt get complemented a lot so I don't know how to take it. Plus, I don't know if they liked me. I am a bit odd looking so I probably get looks from a lot of people
> 
> My personality doesn't match my appearance at all. I look like a beatnick biker with a long goatee and a ponytail. People are surprised to find out I'm a really nice guy.


aww thats sweet. youre like a giant teddy bear. and yeah im the same way when im complimented. im always thinking "theyre just trying to cheer me up" or something , lol


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

tlgibson97 said:


> I understand how you feel. Im a person that will look at someone and as soon as they look at me I whip my head around or pretend I was looking at something else. I am terrified that someone will see me looking at them. I have no idea why. Maybe I feel creepy, or will be thought of as a creep, for checking someone out.


I'm the same as you. I find it nearly impossible to fight the urge to look away. I feel like they think I'm a creep for checking them out. I feel like they are going to stop everyone and announce "hey, look at that creep staring at me!"

It is encouraging to me. You somehow managed to end up married while still staying oblivious to flirting.


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## tlgibson97 (Sep 24, 2009)

haikupoet said:


> I'm the same as you. I find it nearly impossible to fight the urge to look away. I feel like they think I'm a creep for checking them out. I feel like they are going to stop everyone and announce "hey, look at that creep staring at me!"
> 
> It is encouraging to me. You somehow managed to end up married while still staying oblivious to flirting.


I like to watch people while I sit at stoplights. I still do the head whip when people look in my direction. I still don't know why becasue I don't know them and will never see them again. Though on my way home yesterday I looked at someone as they were driving by and they looked back at me, but I didnt look away. It was less than 2 seconds. Maybe I've turned a new leaf.

As for the married thing. It's a lot easier when someone passes you a note in math class and asks you out. Thats why I tell all the women out there to ask a guy out if she likes them. There are a lot of nice guys out there with good qualities, they just dont have the balls to ask a girl out.


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## MissMay1977 (Oct 25, 2008)

This might help:

http://www.links2love.com/teens_flirting.htm


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

1applehearts1 said:


> many times i'll go out and my mom will say "those guys were looking at you"


Yeah, my dad used to say that when we were out somewhere. He would say "girls were looking at you." I'd say where were they? I never notice somehow. He would say ''you keep looking away."


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## haikupoet (Feb 9, 2010)

tlgibson97 said:


> As for the married thing. It's a lot easier when someone passes you a note in math class and asks you out. Thats why I tell all the women out there to ask a guy out if she likes them. There are a lot of nice guys out there with good qualities, they just dont have the balls to ask a girl out.


Cool. Yes, if a girl had asked me out or just made it clear she liked me I would have been there. I remember a girl in school did come up to me asking to help buy her lunch, she was short a quarter or something, I was so stupid I thought she was trying to scam me. I realize now she must have been trying to meet me and was probably humiliated when I said no.


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## tea111red (Nov 8, 2005)

i hate the idea of flirting.

i smile and laugh when people/males are talking to me, but i'm not being genuine when i do it. i'm just being polite to keep things running smoothly. i don't know if other people can tell if i'm faking it or not though. if i have to talk to someone i might ask a lot of questions, but that is only so i don't have to talk about myself. 

if these are considered flirting tactics then i guess i'd better change my ways.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

i just cant get it out of my head that im a huge guy repellant and that when guys look at me for more than 2 seconds and their not smiling that they think im some kind of alien :/ whats the use...i get too nervous around attractive guys anyways. i feel inferior, in general


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## Darkhadia (Feb 8, 2009)

Eye contact that holds just that little bit longer than with everyone else. Certain smiles. And turning into a giggling mess when you talk to them ^^


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## FreeSoul (Jan 1, 2006)

1applehearts1 said:


> i just thought when guys stare at me they think im weird or something. it makes me feel uncomfortable especially if they dont smile. im just like O___O , i guess they could be just zoning out lol. if i like a guy i dont stare at him because then he will know that i like him, hahaa.


Keep in mind, the context of the situation and the rest of their face of a guy stares at you. It should be rather easy to tell if they are liking what they are seeing. 

Of course, now that you know you avoid staring at guys you like... If you do want to attract a guy you like, try looking at him for a change.  (Keep it brief, smile, just enough so you know they saw you)


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## Prakas (Aug 26, 2009)

tlgibson97 said:


> Guys don't stare at weird girls, they stare at sexy girls.
> 
> With our issues though, we always think the worse possible outcome.


Fudge...I need to stop staring, she might catch me one day.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

FreeSoul said:


> Keep in mind, the context of the situation and the rest of their face of a guy stares at you. It should be rather easy to tell if they are liking what they are seeing.
> 
> Of course, now that you know you avoid staring at guys you like... If you do want to attract a guy you like, try looking at him for a change.  (Keep it brief, smile, just enough so you know they saw you)


yeah maybe i should. its hard though, because without even thinking, if they look at me i automatically turn my head :/


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

Why flirt from a distance? Instead of taking that chance from afar, why not just go up to him/her and start a conversation? Who says you need to flirt with someone to get a date? Just talk a little bit and then ask for their number. Don't you all think "flirting" without having a conversation is fruitless?


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Why flirt from a distance? Instead of taking that chance from afar, why not just go up to him/her and start a conversation? Who says you need to flirt with someone to get a date? Just talk a little bit and then ask for their number. Don't you all think "flirting" without having a conversation is fruitless?


yeah thats true too, lmao, i just assume if no guys come up to me theres no one interested


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah thats true too, lmao, i just assume if no guys come up to me theres no one interested


That's one popular misconception I think a lot of women hold, which isn't accurate at all.


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## millenniumman75 (Feb 4, 2005)

1applehearts1 said:


> yeah thats true too, lmao, i just assume if no guys come up to me theres no one interested





bwidger85 said:


> That's one popular misconception I think a lot of women hold, which isn't accurate at all.


Nope....not accurate. We worry about rejection, too.


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

millenniumman75 said:


> Nope....not accurate. We worry about rejection, too.


Which is the main reason guys won't approach in the first place.


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> That's one popular misconception I think a lot of women hold, which isn't accurate at all.


so i guess we're both just as nervous/scared? lmao


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## bsd3355 (Nov 30, 2005)

1applehearts1 said:


> so i guess we're both just as nervous/scared? lmao


Pretty much. Just because men are men doesn't make us inhuman. The only real difference between men and women are their anatomies. We may do things in a different way but we all want and feel the same. I used to really get frustrated with girls who didn't make moves because they'd go so far and then expect the man to take over and that's ridiculous, but I see it as a universal thing and so I'll play along.


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## firedancer (Nov 14, 2003)

IcoRules said:


> All I know is that I'm bad at flirting, and I'm oblivious to picking it up from someone.


:yes


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## 1applehearts1 (Jan 7, 2010)

bwidger85 said:


> Pretty much. Just because men are men doesn't make us inhuman. The only real difference between men and women are their anatomies. We may do things in a different way but we all want and feel the same. I used to really get frustrated with girls who didn't make moves because they'd go so far and then expect the man to take over and that's ridiculous, but I see it as a universal thing and so I'll play along.


oh i see. i always think guys think they have to make the first move so i feel weird talking to a guy myself i feel like im bothering him. i guess things are different now. the pressure is less on guys


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## firedancer (Nov 14, 2003)

and this is why i will remain alone.


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## mazer (Feb 12, 2010)

Flirting is something that is best done mutually. It is hard with SA to participate regardless of gender. :?


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## Uncle Charlie (Sep 2, 2008)

I can't flirt worth a damn so I'll normally just try and find ways to ask the girl out without actually asking the girl out. Maybe I could just bet dinner on the fact that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars.

Of Course, I have never been able to pick up on the fact that I'm being flirted with, but yet I could pick up on that same girl flirting with another guy in about a second, go figure. I'd say it would be ideal if the girl would just ask, but I'm not really one to talk as I'm not forward myself.


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